[Rant/Rave] Seeing progress that isn't mine makes me feel disgusting
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:56:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91kses/seeing_progress_that_isnt_mine_makes_me_feel/
I keep seeing people who have lost 10+ lbs after a month of restricting/if/whatever, and I'm over here eating one meal a day, fasting for 20+ hours every day, eating less than 800kcal a day, and I've lost exactly 4 lbs in the last 4-5 months.

It's just immensely frustrating because the second I feel like I'm getting somewhere I gain one back and have to lose it again. I think I've lost the same 4 lbs like 15 times over this summer.

does anybody else have to fight their body to hell and back?

[Rant/Rave] Think my girlfriend saw my scale :/
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5 ft 4| 121lb| 20.71 | Not Enough | Nonbinary]
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:47:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91kpen/think_my_girlfriend_saw_my_scale/
I bought another scale maybe 3 weeks ago because relapse yo. It's been living on my bedroom floor for the past week or so. I forgot to take my meds before I left for work yesterday morning so my girlfriend grabbed them for me and sprinted to the bus stop (what a saint)... Except my meds are on my desk which is behind my scales. They were still there when I got home and she hasn't said anything so I'm hoping she didn't. I'm not gonna bring it up cause I don't wanna talk about my ED with her cause it'll only make her worry and she doesn't need that right now

[Rant/Rave] Which foods do you crave the most?
/u/CharlieJScarper [5'0.5" | 95.5lbs | 18.3 | FTM:cat_blep:]
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:37:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91km8z/which_foods_do_you_crave_the_most/
God, I'm fucking miserable. All I do is think about food, think about how hungry I am and hate myself for it. I just want to not care about food, to be able to enjoy it normally and not obsess over it all the time. Right now I crave hunks of white bread with a little butter and golden syrup, scones with jam and cream, steak pies from the local butcher and stupid amounts of cinnamon cereals.

With that being said, which foods do you crave often and how does it feel for you?

Anti bulimia but pro Ana?
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:14:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91keog/anti_bulimia_but_pro_ana/
I know that there’s a wide range of eating disorders out there and so yet I still fit under a subcategory of an ED but I feel like a common form of weight loss in the ED community is to purge or vomit. Personally, I HATE vomit.. like so horribly I’d consider it emetophobia. I even get awful panic attacks if I even feel nauseous. So because of it I feel like it limits me from sufficient weight loss. I still abuse laxatives and restrict and fast and exercise but I’m still missing that purge factor just because I’m horrified of vomit. I actually even wish I wasn’t so afraid of it just so I could drop some lbs faster, pretty fucked up right? Anyone else with this issue?

[Help] Primatene / bronkaid alternatives (UK)
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:11:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91kdxi/primatene_bronkaid_alternatives_uk/
Hello all.

Im from the UK and it is now impossible to get ephedrine, ephedra, Mormon tea etc like you could do 8/9 years ago. I can find brokaid on eBay for anywhere up to $100 but that's just way too much money to justify when I'm already spending a ridiculous amount on food (pretty mad considering the restrictive ED but whatever).

Are there any UK based people who have found any where to get hold of ephedrine? As an alternative I've been using synephrine and pseudoephedrine but I'm not really sure if they work at all. In addition to a ton of caffeined energy drinks, I'm just feeling drained AF and still hungry. Also finding that my skin is breaking out so bad so I don't think I want to keep taking them.

Any help would be so much appreciated. Thanks!

[Rant/Rave] What up what up?
/u/doublecouponn [5'2 | CW wailord | GW 112 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:07:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91kcjc/what_up_what_up/
Not my calories thats what!
Okay but honestly hi. Today I realized I am repulsed by food and unfortunately I am too happy about it. Im finally becoming a wailmer instead of a waillord. Shout out to my sketchy doctor that no matter what weight I am he still gives me phentermine.

If y’all remember I was crying over food a while back. I’m on cloud nine ‘cause now I just can’t even look at food.

I hope everyone has a good day.

Feeling so low today
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:02:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91kas3/feeling_so_low_today/
For the past year or so I'd honestly say I was recovered, I ate whatever I wanted, didn't count calories, enjoyed food etc. Over the summer though I've been restricting again, counting calories, exercising again. I like to think of it as a controlled relapse because it's not as bad as it used to be and I haven't really had negative thoughts, I just want to lose a bit of weight over summer (like 7lb). I've been eating around 1000-1200 calories but the scale is not fucking going down at all so I've dropped it to 700-800 calories and I'm DYING. I'm so hungry, I feel weak, I can't sleep properly, I feel depressed. And the worst part is I'm still barely losing weight. The scale hasn't gone down in over 6 days :( I just want to cry. I want to go back to the way I used to be with food and not give a shit about calories but I also want this weight off. Gonna go cry in bed tbh

Bad thing...then good thing!
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | CW: 60kg| GW: 58kg | UGW: 50kg | LW:56kg | 25F ]
Created: Tue Jul 24 12:57:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91k98s/bad_thingthen_good_thing/
So I weighed myself, 5 days before my period is due...obviously my weight showed '64kg' because I'm not kidding guys, that fucker of a period can make me gain 5kg in water weight. Anyway, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, but still went for my monster gym session today (45 minutes treadmill, 30 minutes elliptical, Strong Curves...I would go on the bike as well, but unfortunately I had to go to work), and then one of the personal trainers came up to me and said "wow, you're looking really good, your working out is really showing!" And guys, I was *so* happy!

It's mentally exhausting.
Created: Tue Jul 24 12:49:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91k6qn/its_mentally_exhausting/
The physical aspects are bad enough. The hunger or painful bloating or the exhaustion. The mental aspects take their toll, too. The shame. The secrecy. The fear of discovery. Will they find see the wrappers? What about the chewed food? What if they see a receipt where I've spent money on a treat that never made it home?

And the calorie tracking. It's ingrained in me at this point. I know the caloric values of most of the foods I eat inside and out. A cup of yogurt? About 130 calories. Eggs? About 75 per. Margarine is 60 calories per tablespoon. Skim milk is 80 calories per cup. I can't *not* keep a running tally in my brain every single day. And it's tiring. Because I feel guilty if I eat more than what I think I ought to, and having a full belly makes me want to purge (because if I'm full, I'm not hungry, and if I'm not hungry, then I'm going to get fat).

Here's one: I haven't had lunch today. I'm not going to have lunch today because I didn't bring any safe foods to work, and I didn't exercise this morning, so I need to take a walk on my lunch to burn a few extra calories. Because if I don't get at least thirty minutes of exercise a day, my TDEE will have dropped and the 200 calories of eggs I'm going to eat later today will put me over my BMR and even though my BMR is less than my TDEE I still would be over my caloric goals and thus I'm going to gain fifty pounds overnight.

Cellucor Super HD?
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 12:25:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91jyyn/cellucor_super_hd/
Does anybody have any experience with this? I've been using it off and on for years and I think it's taken a toll on my body (compounded by the whole.... having eating disorder thing). Really it's just a fuck ton of caffeine and B vitamins used as a diuretic + stimulant but I'm still freaked out.

If you haven't heard of it or used it before please don't read this and think of trying it. I'm legitimately worried. Like.... in cold sweats, purplish blotchy limbs, cold white fingers & toes, heart pounding out of my chest when I'm just laying in bed watching TV.... It's scary. Please don't start. And they're not even that effective for weight loss (but I'm psychologically addicted to them, whoops).

(and I'm also not blaming the product/company itself because I'm definitely not following the instructions and warnings clearly printed on the label) 🙃

[Help] To exercise or not to exercise? That’s the question, right?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Tue Jul 24 12:17:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91jw88/to_exercise_or_not_to_exercise_thats_the_question/
I’m struggling here because, well, I don’t know whether I should exercise or not.

My restriction averages between 500 calories to 1000 calories depending upon if it’s the week or the weekend (aka, if my parents force me to go out with them or not).

That being said, I’m a pear shape. You know. The kind that is hella disproportionate when it comes to fat distribution.

I don’t know whether to exercise or not purely because, I want to build some sense of muscle on my upper body because I don’t want to look so disproportional when I get to my goal weight like last time, however, I know you can’t build muscle on a decifit.

And, I also want to not be so jiggly and flabby when I lose the weight.

So, should I exercise? What have you guys noticed? Does exercise help you in the long run? What kinds of exercises do you do?

[Discussion] Found these on Amazon and thought I’d share. Sugar free suckers that are good for your teeth, 10cals each. I may order a bag to try!
Created: Tue Jul 24 12:12:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91juoq/found_these_on_amazon_and_thought_id_share_sugar/

[Rant/Rave] Not a rant/rave, I'm just disappointed in myself.
/u/whataurban [6'1" | 155 | 19.52 | 0 | M2F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 11:23:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91jeb1/not_a_rantrave_im_just_disappointed_in_myself/
ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ʰⁱᵈᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗʳᵘᵗʰ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᴵ'ᵐ ʰᵘʳᵗⁱⁿᵍ, ᴵ ʲᵘˢᵗ ⁿᵉᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ʰᵉᵃᵈ ⁱᵗ'ˢ ᵇᵉᵉⁿ ᵇᵘᵍᵍⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉ ᶠᵒʳ 12 ˢᵗʳᵃⁱᵍʰᵗ ʰᵒᵘʳˢ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ˢⁱⁿᶜᵉ ᴵ ʰⁱᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠⁱʳˢᵗ ˡⁱⁿᵉ. ᵀʰᵒᵘᵍʰᵗˢ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ˢⁱˢᵗᵉʳ & ᵇʳᵒᵗʰᵉʳˢ ⁽ᵗʰᵉᵐ ʷʰᵒ ᴵ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ˡᵒᵒᵏ ᵘᵖ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉ, ᴵ ʷⁱˡˡ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵗ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᵈᵒʷⁿ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ ᵃ ᶜᵒᵘᵖˡᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ᵇʳᵒᵗʰᵉʳˢ ᵃʳᵉ ˢʰᵒᶜᵏᵉᵈ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ᵒᶠ ⁱᵗ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ⁱᵗ'ˢ ᵃ ᵇⁱᵍ ˡᵃᵘᵍʰᵃᵇˡᵉ ʲᵒᵏᵉ, ⁱᵗ'ˢ ⁿᵒᵗ.

ᴵᵗ'ˢ ʷᵃʳ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵒⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵒˢᵗ ᶜᵒˢᵗˡʸ ʰᵉᵃˡᵗʰ ᶜᵒⁿᵈⁱᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵁⁿⁱᵗᵉᵈ ˢᵗᵃᵗᵉˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃ ˡᵒᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵖˡᵃᶜᵉˢ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵒʳˡᵈ ⁽ᴬᴰᴰᴵᶜᵀᴵᴼᴺ⁾ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᵍʳᵒᵘᵖ ᵒᶠ ᵐᵉⁿᵗᵃˡ ⁱˡˡⁿᵉˢˢᵉˢ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉ ʰⁱᵍʰᵉˢᵗ ᵐᵒʳᵗᵃˡⁱᵗʸ ʳᵃᵗᵉ ⁽ᴵ ˢᵃʸ ᴵ'ᵐ ᴱᴰᴺᴼˢ “ᴱᴬᵀᴵᴺᴳ ᴰᴵˢᴼᴿᴰᴱᴿ ᴺᴼᵀ ᴼᵀᴴᴱᴿᵂᴵˢᴱ ˢᴾᴱᶜᴵᶠᴵᴱᴰ” ⁽ᵗʰᵉʸ ᶜᵃˡˡ ⁱᵗ ᴼˢᶠᴱᴰ ⁿᵒʷ“ᴵ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ “ᶠᴱᴰ” ᵖᵃʳᵗ”⁾ ᵒʳ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵗᵉᶜʰⁿⁱᶜᵃˡ “ᴼᵗʰᵉʳ ˢᵖᵉᶜⁱᶠⁱᵉᵈ ᶠᵉᵉᵈⁱⁿᵍ ᵒʳ ᵉᵃᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵈⁱˢᵒʳᵈᵉʳ. ” ᴮᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᴵ ʰᵃᵛᵉⁿ'ᵗ ᵇᵉᵉⁿ ᶠᵒʳᵐᵃˡˡʸ ᵈⁱᵃᵍⁿᵒˢᵉᵈ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵐᵉᵃⁿ ᴵ ˢᵗʳᵘᵍᵍˡᵉ, ᵀʰᵉ ˢʰⁱᵗ'ˢ ʰᵃʳᵈ ᵇᵘᵗ ᴵ'ᵐ ᴺᴼᵀ ᵍᵒⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ˡᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᵇᵉᵃᵗ ᵐᵉ.

ᴹʸ ᵈⁱˢᵒʳᵈᵉʳᵉᵈ ᵉᵃᵗⁱⁿᵍ ʰᵃᵇⁱᵗˢ ʰᵃˢ ᶠⁱⁿᵃˡˡʸ ᵗʰʳᵒʷ ᵐᵉ ᵒᵛᵉʳ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵉᵃᵏ ᵒᶠ ᴹᵒᵘⁿᵗ ᴱᵛᵉʳᵉˢᵗ ᴵ'ᵛᵉ ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ᶠᵃˡˡᵉⁿ ᶠᵃʳ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈⁱᵉᵈ. ᴵ'ᵐ ˢᵒʳʳʸ ᵗᵒ ˢᵃʸ ᵇᵘᵗ ᴵ'ᵛᵉ ᵇᵉᵉⁿ ᵈᵒⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉᵗʰ ᵃˡˡ ⁿⁱᵍʰᵗ, ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ʰᵉˡᵖ ⁱᵗ ᴵ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵉᵃᵗ.

ᴵ'ˡˡ ᵇᵉ ᵒᵏ, ᴵ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵈᵒ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ ᵖᵘᵗᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵐʸˢᵉˡᶠ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ˢⁱᵈᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵃ ˢᵉᶜᵒⁿᵈ ᴵ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵗᵒ ᶜʰᵃⁿᵍᵉ ˢᵒᵒⁿ ᶠᵒʳ ᵐʸ ˢⁱˢᵗᵉʳ, ⁱᵗ'ᵈ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏ ʰᵉʳ ʰᵉᵃʳᵗ ⁱᶠ ˢʰᵉ ᵏⁿᵉʷ ᴵ ʷᵃˢ ᵈᵒⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰⁱˢ.

ᵀʰᵉ ˢᶜᵃʳˢ ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵃʳᵐˢ ⁿᵉˣᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵃ ᶠᵉʷ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵍˢ ᴵ ʰᵒˡᵈ ᶜˡᵒˢᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵐʸ ʰᵉᵃʳᵗ ⁽ᵇᵉⁱⁿᵍ ᵐʸ ³ ᴰᵉᵐⁱ ʳᵉˡᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵗᵃᵗᵗᵒᵒˢ⁾ ᵏᵉᵉᵖ ᵖᵘˢʰⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉ ᵒⁿ. ᴵ'ᵐ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵍⁱᵛⁱⁿᵍ ⁱᵗ ᵃ ˢʰᵒᵗ ᵃⁿᵈ ʰᵒᵖⁱⁿᵍ ᵐʸ ˢᵗᵉᵖᵐᵒᵐ ʷⁱˡˡ ˡᵉᵗ ᵐᵉ ᵐᵒᵛᵉ ⁱⁿ ʷⁱᵗʰ ʰᵉʳ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵐʸ ˢⁱˢᵗᵉʳ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᵗʰⁱˢ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵉⁿᵈ ᵘᵖ ᵍⁱᵛⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉ ᵉⁿᵈˡᵉˢˢ ʰᵃᵖᵖⁱⁿᵉˢˢ ᵇᵉⁱⁿᵍ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵐʸ ˢⁱˢᵗᵉʳ.

“ᶠᵃⁱˡᵘʳᵉ ʷⁱˡˡ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵒᵛᵉʳᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵐᵉ ⁱᶠ ᵐʸ ᵈᵉᵗᵉʳᵐⁱⁿᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ ᵗᵒ ˢᵘᶜᶜᵉᵉᵈ ⁱˢ ˢᵗʳᵒⁿᵍ ᵉⁿᵒᵘᵍʰ.”

ᴵ ᶠᵉᵉˡ ᵘᵗᵗᵉʳˡʸ ⁱᶜᵉ ᶜᵒˡᵈ ⁱⁿˢⁱᵈᵉ ᵐʸ ᵇᵒᵈʸ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᵒᶠ ʰᵒʷ ᶠᵃʳ ᴵ'ᵛᵉ ᶠᵃˡˡᵉⁿ ᵃⁿᵈ ʰᵒʷ ᵇᵃᵈ ᴵ ᶠᵉᵉˡ, ⁿᵒʷ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ˡᵉᵗ ᵗʰⁱˢ ʰᵒˡᵈ ᵐᵉ ᵈᵒʷⁿ ⁽ⁿ$ᶠᵂ “https://youtu.be/910ZLwv0Phc“ᵀʰᵉ ᵇⁱᵗᶜʰ ⁱˢ ᵐʸ ᵃᵈᵈⁱᶜᵗⁱᵒⁿ (𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕖𝕞𝕡𝕙𝕒𝕤𝕚𝕤 𝔻𝕖𝕞𝕚 𝕡𝕦𝕥𝕤 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕗𝕖𝕔𝕥.)ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ˡᵉᵗ ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵐᵉ ᵈᵒʷⁿ, ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵇⁱᵗᶜʰ ʷⁱˡˡ ᵉᵛᵉⁿᵗᵘᵃˡˡʸ ᵖᵃʸ ᶠᵒʳ ᵃˡˡ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗʳᵒᵘᵇˡᵉ ⁱᵗ ʰᵃˢ ᶜᵃᵘˢᵉᵈ ᵐᵉ!”

ι'м ησт ℓуιηg (“𝕋𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕤 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕟𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕝𝕖𝕗𝕥 𝕞𝕖, 𝕨𝕖'𝕧𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕕𝕠𝕨𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕣𝕠𝕒𝕕 𝕓𝕖𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖
𝕀'𝕞 𝕤𝕠 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪, 𝕀'𝕞 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕤𝕠𝕓𝕖𝕣 𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖
𝕀'𝕞 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕀'𝕞 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕘𝕒𝕚𝕟, 𝕀 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕖 𝕀'𝕝𝕝 𝕘𝕖𝕥 𝕙𝕖𝕝𝕡
𝕀𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕤𝕟'𝕥 𝕞𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕀'𝕞 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗”)

Mods: is the font going to be a hassle? If so PM me I'll clean it up. YT link isa meme🤬

[Help] 3 week “vacation” - no body scale no food scale no kitchen
Created: Tue Jul 24 11:08:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91j9mt/3_week_vacation_no_body_scale_no_food_scale_no/
Sorry I’ve been posting so much on here, but I need some crowdsourcing.

In a week I will be shuttled to a different state for some corporate training thing. It’ll be fun cuz I’ll make friends but it just hit me...
I’ll be living out of a suitcase in a hotel with no food scale and no body weight scale

For three weeks

With a bunch of newly graduated college kids (aka every night is happy hour)

I have some ideas for microwave breakfasts (I’m vegan) but like??? How do I measure hummus and peanut butter which is basically all I can live off of?

I binge a lot so I’m afraid I’ll overestimate so hard I’ll cause binges.

Fucking fuck guys.

Is there such a thing as a Pro-Ed podcast?
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:45:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91j2d9/is_there_such_a_thing_as_a_proed_podcast/
I’m not even sure what they would talk about but I’d really like to hear a podcast with someone who is not recovered. Does this exist yet??

Side note: if you have a recovery podcast that’s good and not overly positive and gushy gushy I’d love a recommendation.

[Help] Why is bloating way more common when I’m restricting?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:43:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91j1le/why_is_bloating_way_more_common_when_im/
Is it just me or is bloating way more frequent when I’m restricting?

Everytime I restrict I wake up ten times more bloated than usual. Whereas, when I eat without restricting too heavily and do cardio, I wake up not so bloated.

Although I wouldn’t “mind” doing it the latter, I literally just want to get this fat off of me and heavily restricting is the fastest way for me. It’s just whenever I wake up bloated it kills me.

Does anyone else experience this? What’ve they done to counter it?

[Rant/Rave] My dance sub was SO TRIGGERING today.
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:39:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91j08v/my_dance_sub_was_so_triggering_today/
Like she didn’t say anything or do anything, it was just her body. Im at a 6 week dance program (and due to increased exercise, I’ve become hungrier and more muscled so my weight has stayed the same despite my attempts at low restriction.) it was a graham class (type of modern) and she was demonstrating on the floor with her arms and torso, her back was facing us and I could see EVERY FUCKING VERTEBRAE AND RIB AND I WAS SITTING THERE WITH MY MUFFIN TOP AND SOMEWHAT BLOATED STOMACH AND I WANTED TO CRY. Usually, the other girls in my classes have small bodies and look so nice but most of them look more like me (except i was built wide like a fucking wall kill me) so its hard but i can just dig my nails into my palm and manage, but this was on another level. I wanted to die right there. I was so distracted and i kept messing up and I was sure she was just sitting there judging me like “this little chunky girl cant do anything right” and i wanted to disappear. She is subbing again Thursday and idk how to handle it.

Lunchtime at work is torture
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:38:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91izy8/lunchtime_at_work_is_torture/
I work in a cubicle farm of an office and every day from 11 to 1 is a modgepodge of tasty smells. We work in the city with a ton of takeout restaurants/fast food joints nearby and I just sit at my desk trying to distract myself with the smell of crappy coffee from the kitchen and ignore the smells and tall myself down from going to the cafeteria and binging on a large shake, burger and fries.

[Help] How to hide a scale...this is a pathetic post.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:35:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91iyw3/how_to_hide_a_scalethis_is_a_pathetic_post/
Ill try to make this to the point.

Basically I have been away staying with friends etc. on mini vacations and they all had bathroom scales. I found this motivational daily and it made it soooooo easy to restrict. Even if I went up a lb. I was okay with it, it just motivated me more and then it would go back down.

I've always been a grade and goal oriented person...when in school I always wanted the best grades, if I got one bad grade it was, you must work harder. If I was getting A's it was still, okay this is right, keep going. Same with professional evaluations in my career now.

Here is the problem. Living situation. My BF is very aware of my ED and wants me to get better. BUT I want a scale. I have a one bedroom, 1 bathroom apt. and would have to hide this scale from him. He would flip if he knew I got one. The only places with tile are our bathroom and kitchen....so obviously the bathroom is the place.

Suggestions on how to hide said scale? I know I am a loon. I just need this scale! Ugh I don't want to alter it and I hate the idea of moving it. I am desperate. I know this may sound like a really dumb post, but this will give me piece of mind and feel like I am doing something. I want my grade! Never in my life did I see myself having to sneak a scale in my 30's hahaha. Any advice on how to hide this thing soooooooo appreciated!!!!!

[Other] Any Wharf to Wharf runners here?
/u/habeas-corpses [5'4 | CW: 105 | 18.0 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:34:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91iyl2/any_wharf_to_wharf_runners_here/
Just wondering! If so, congrats on the run this weekend! My aunt lives in Santa Cruz so I ran it with her and some other family.

For those curious, WTW is a 6-mile race in Santa Cruz every July. If you live in the area and are healthy enough to run I highly recommend it - it’s so fun it makes six miles feel like nothing.

[Other] Coffee makes my stomach hurt
Created: Tue Jul 24 09:48:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ijrk/coffee_makes_my_stomach_hurt/
...But I don’t mind because the pain makes me not want to eat. Does this happen to anyone else?

[Rant/Rave] Not to sound all petty and tumblr-y but...
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 132.2 & BMI: 20.1 | GW:115 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 09:43:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91iidv/not_to_sound_all_petty_and_tumblry_but/
I don’t want to have to do emotional labor for overweight/fat people who don’t have EDs. I find it mildly irritating that when someone I follow reblogs/makes a post along the lines of “yes I have anorexia but ALL people are beautiful! I know and love so many hot/sexy fat people”. I just feel like we shouldn’t have to explain this or worry about others finding us “fatphobic” because we have a mental illness. This happens in real life to where once someone finds out you hate your body and/or have an ED, someone inevitable asks, “if you think you’re fat then what do you think about me?” Sorry Susan, but my ED is about me and me alone.

While it’s super important to dispel myths about EDs and fatphobia, I find frustrating that when talking about EDs on a personal level, especially restrictive ones, there is sometimes a burden on us to prove how much we don’t hate/look down on fat people when EDs are a mental illness and a result of a mixed bag of complicated personal issues that are about the ED sufferer and NOT about fat people. Please stop making my mental illness about other people.

TL;DR: my ED is about me and me alone and the issues I need to address in my life so when I talk about it don’t make it about you and your body and how I feel about you.

[Rant/Rave] Don't tell me this is a good thing, I already know.
Created: Tue Jul 24 09:42:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ihzd/dont_tell_me_this_is_a_good_thing_i_already_know/
Pregnancy is making me nuts. I'm 24 weeks, and the weight is starting to go up. I know it needs to. I know this is a good thing. If I didn't know that, I wouldn't be eating enough to make it happen. So I don't need reminders that it's what's best for baby. But damn, it is so triggering.
I raised my calorie allotment to 1500 from 1200 pre-Pregnancy. Although 1200 was just the cap, it was more like 8-900. It's so freaking hard making myself continue to eat while watching the scale rise. It helps that I'm knowledgeable enough to know what to put in my body for optimum nutrition. But that's becoming a problem now too. Everything I eat needs to be completely worth it. If I'm putting calories in my face for this precious little girl, they have to be worth it. It's exhausting obsessing over every little thing.
I wish I could just eat normally. Do you know how much weight they recommend you gain during Pregnancy? Around 25 freaking pounds! I think that's ridiculous and just gives people justification for eating like shit and indulging their cravings. Note that the recommended weight gain varies depending on starting weight.

I dunno. I'm just a lucky woman with a beautiful baby growing, that I'm able to give proper and adequate nutrition, and I'm bitching about it. I suck.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I really hate being "just barely" underweight.
/u/altruisticshawty [5'9" | CW: 117 | GW: 110]
Created: Tue Jul 24 09:13:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91i8qp/i_really_hate_being_just_barely_underweight/
For a while, like 5 months, I maintained a BMI of 16.2. I felt amazing about my body. I felt beautiful for the first time in my life. I felt comfortable in my own skin. I went through some relationship issues and a lot of stress, moving a few times, and started running. I gained 7-8 pounds, and now I'm at ~17.3 BMI.

What sucks is that I'm still 'kinda thin'. I'm 'technically underweight', but it's just BARELY, so it's not really enough for me to be able to wear anything that I want. It's not enough for me to lose my curves/hips/thighs. I look like I'm just really 'fit'. This should not be something I should be complaining about. I'm built like an athlete/runner at the moment. I recognize that I am not fat. but I feel TERRIBLE. AWFUL.

And I cannot seem to lose this weight. I keep losing 3-4 pounds, going out for a weekend that I had been restricting for, eating too much or drinking too much, and then ending up right back where I started. I can't seem to force myself to get out of this cycle. I can't seem to fast how I used to. I'm pretty sure as long as I don't eat MORE I will be able to maintain this weight that I am at. I fucking hope. Sometimes I wonder if I should just stop working out since I've gained so much weight. I don't know.

I like being able to see my ribs at all times, have my spine stick out, be so small I can fit into any clothes and not have to plan ahead or worry about how I'm standing in photos. I'm terrified that I'm going to keep gaining weight and muscle. Sure people think I look good but I feel like everyone was stunned when I was model-thin.

That's my stupid, petty, pointless rant for today. Thanks for reading.

Online shopping has got me all fucked up
/u/deconcerte [4'11 | 119.4 | 25.1 | -4.6 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 08:55:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91i329/online_shopping_has_got_me_all_fucked_up/
I'm looking for business casual clothes for a job interview on Reitmans's website before I go in later today and I blopped over with my fatass to the size chart to find out that I'm less than a size 0 in the waist, a size 6 in the hips, and a size 12 (!!!!!!) in the thighs. It's like my body's going out of its way to tell me to go fuck myself, smh. Anyway, does anyone know any good stores that cater to pear-shaped body types? I'm in Canada, so I feel like my choices are pretty limited :/

Any ideas on hair loss issues?
Created: Tue Jul 24 08:50:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91i1l8/any_ideas_on_hair_loss_issues/
Hi all,

Firstly, let me say that I *love* this sub because of how supportive you all are of each other in your struggles with EDs and just *life.*

I say "you all" because although I lurk here from time to time, I don't have an ED now. I come here to learn about foods that are lo cal but satisfying because I am working on losing weight.

Happily, I have lost about 60 pounds in the last year and a half, which is great. However, I have also recently noticed that my hair is falling out :(.

I have posted about this elsewhere where I admitted that I am 58 years old and many posters just blew the hair loss off as: "You are 58, it is time." **Not** helpful, lol.

The only other time I remember losing hair was when I legit had anorexia in high school and even lost my period for awhile from a very strict low carb diet.

So, does anyone here know what I might try to stop the hair loss without eating so much that I start to regain weight? I want to lose at least another 30 pounds if possible. Could it be vitamin D deficiency? That seems to be the fad in nutrition these days.

Thanks in advance!

[Rant/Rave] Everyone thinks exercise is inherently healthy
/u/accordingtoging [5'9" | 135 | 19.5 | -40 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 08:32:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hwa6/everyone_thinks_exercise_is_inherently_healthy/
I’m so upset right now.

Backstory: my ED has always been restrictive with little exercise. For a period of time I was going to hot yoga classes twice a week in layers of long sleeve shirts. I started trying to recover the beginning of February. For the last month I’ve been struggling and bordering on a relapse. The gym I signed up for also just opened this week.

My biggest problem is my boyfriend. He knows I’m struggling. He knows I’m barely eating. But I mention the gym and it’s all encouragement to go. I’m signed up for a really intense class later today, but my ED wants me to go now too because I’m not working and also the existence of calories. I texted my boyfriend asking what I should do, hoping he would be my voice of reason. His only response was “go now and later”. So now I’m crying because I just want someone to stop me, but no one understands that exercise can actually be dangerous. So now because I’m upset I’m going to not eat today and go to the gym twice. I know I kind of played myself, but it still sucks.

[Intro] (Re)introduction and a confusing sapphic experience
/u/discotits1115 [5'4 | lol | nope | f |]
Created: Tue Jul 24 08:31:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hw4k/reintroduction_and_a_confusing_sapphic_experience/
Hi, I was pretty active here on my old account but I like to restart my accounts once in a while. I'm 21 and have been struggling with ED behaviors since I was 15. It got more "serious" when I was 19 and my mom had open heart surgery and I was her sole caretaker. I also have issues with anxiety, panic, and depression. ALSO, I have PTSD (I'm just a ball of fun). I'm sorry for the wall of text but I'm still trying to process everything that happened.

Anyway, I had sex with one of my closest (female) friends this weekend. I have always identified as straight and have been in a largely monogamous relationship with a man for 4 years.

I invited her down to my boyfriend's shore house Saturday. She got there in the afternoon but my boyfriend wasn't going to get there until later in the evening. So we did normal stuff- drank a lot of rose grapefruit vodka (side note: that shit is life changing), made dinner, and talked very frankly to each other. We're both very guarded people so it was so relieving to be able to talk openly to her. We both have experienced trauma- mine was sexual and hers was seeing a very close family member die.

Over the course of the afternoon/evening she was making comments about wanting to make out with another woman- she told me how she almost kissed a woman at a wedding a few weeks ago. I've told her in the past that I would experiment with a woman if the situation ever arose.

Around 6 we took my dog for a walk on the beach. It was raining so I decided to take a shower when we got back to the house. I smoked some weed in the bathroom, which lowered my inhibitions even more. After I got out of the shower, I went downstairs in my towel to show her my new VCH piercing. Partly, I was trying to see if she was serious about the hints she was dropping. Also, it would have been normal for me to show it to her anyway, even if I was wrong about the hints. I showed her, she told me it was hot and the was the end of it.

Fast forward to two hours later when we're sitting on bar stools at the kitchen counter, after just finishing dinner and still drinking vodka. I look at her and say "I'm going to say something to you because I'm drunk and I want you to promise me that you won't hold it against me". She agrees and we shake on it. I told her how badly I want to kiss her. She says she wants to kiss me too. At that point it got a little awkward so I suggested we take another shot of vodka each and then kiss. We kissed and I swear to G-d that it was like I was breathing for the first time. She was more gentle and hesitant than my boyfriend is and her lips were so much softer. I could taste the rose and grapefruit from the vodka. I lightly placed my hands on her waist because I wasn't sure how much she was comfortable with. She softly grabbed my breast and put her other hand on the back of my head.

After a few minutes of making out and lightly touching each other we broke apart and just stared at each other. My heart was pounding so fucking hard and I had to take a few deep breaths to bring myself back down to Earth. It worked for a second, until she turned to me and said "I want to fuck you". I agreed and we went into the bedroom and started fooling around. However, we were interrupted by hearing my boyfriend open the front door. She grabbed her clothes and ran into the bathroom to pretend she was just getting out of the shower.

It didn't end there, though. Later that night the three of us were sitting on the couch watching some movie. My boyfriend and I were a little stoned but my friend doesn't smoke so she kept drinking. She and I were under a blanket and my boyfriend was on the other side of the couch. I started touching her leg and she ran her hand up my thigh. We kept playing around for the rest of the movie.

The next morning, when we were sober, we talked about how we were both really okay with what happened the night before and how we trusted each other. We both agreed that we were happy that our first experience with a woman was with someone we trusted. The rest of the morning was totally normal between the two of us, and with my boyfriend (he is astoundingly oblivious).

The sun was out all day so she and I made some rum punch and went down to the beach. As we slowly drank in the sun, we started talking more candidly about the night before and our lives in general. I told her things about my ED and my trauma that I'm rarely able to say out loud. She opened up about things I know she has a hard time sharing. And then she said "you know, I still really want to fuck you. If the situation ever arises again, I'd be down". I said "Well, the house has the outdoor shower that you can't see from inside the house. We can sneak there and fool around in the shower." Even if my boyfriend came downstairs from the house, the door to the shower would be closed and we could pass it off as just rinsing from the beach.

We went into the shower and had sex. It was more equitable and safe than any sexual experience I've ever had. We both knew how the other's body would respond to certain touches and we both responded to the other's pleasure (not sure if that makes any sense).

She left after dinner that day and my boyfriend left the next morning for work. All day I've been thinking about what happened. For the first time since I started to go through puberty, I felt confident and beautiful. I could look at my body and not feel ashamed or disgusted. I cooked and ate healthy, fresh food that made me feel strong. I went on a really long bike ride and didn't feel tired or dizzy or weak.

I don't want to have a relationship with my friend. I love her- as a friend. I would have sex with her again, though. Because I feel safe and loved. I also don't think I need to tell my boyfriend. This was something I needed to do, even if it is selfish or dishonest, to take agency back over my body.

ANYWAY, I'm sorry for the absolute monster of a post (and for when it sounds like a porno). Writing and sharing this is helping me process how this experience fits into my life and my ED.

[Other] My coworker told me that you can only survive without eating for 3 days. Any other undead ProED'ers here?
/u/KlokWerkN [5'9" | 128 | 18.9 | -59 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 08:30:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hvqc/my_coworker_told_me_that_you_can_only_survive/
I usually fast during the work week when I can, turns out that means I have died and I'm just a zombie now. I'm okay with that.

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by my friend
Created: Tue Jul 24 07:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hhj8/triggered_by_my_friend/
We’re not even technically fighting it’s a long story but basically she’s not talking to me at the moment even though she’s at wrong (I’m also not pointing fingers) anyways I got so triggered the fact she’s my only best friend and I’m scared I’ll lose her for good and I haven’t eaten anything today yet and I honestly don’t plan to until she talks to me. Being ignored is my BIGGEST pet peeve especially for my anxiety

[Discussion] coping mechanisms?
/u/iluvmnms [164cm | CW: 53kg | BMI: 19.7 | GW: 45kg | 18F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 07:37:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hgdb/coping_mechanisms/
it was the first day back at school today and I just finished binging (still purge free woot woot) after having so much control over the past two weeks.. it was school holidays so i was either staying at home or going out for short periods of time which put less strain on my relationship with food. However, i'm scared that the stress and atmosphere of school will just send me into b/ping or binging + fasting, i mean it's only the first day back and i've already fallen back into old habits. if anyone else shares this problem, how do you overcome it? do you have any helpful coping mechanisms? (maybe some reassuring affirmations or something?...) something that doesn't involve eating everything in sight at the first sign of stress ;)

DAE shower before they eat?
/u/paavllova [🌸 5'5 • 99 lbs • 16.5 • f 🌸]
Created: Tue Jul 24 07:36:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hfwn/dae_shower_before_they_eat/
I can't stand seeing my stomach all bloated and full while I'm naked. Really I can't stand it at all but it hits me harder when I'm in the shower. I love it when my stomach is flat and small and how I've figured out to do that is to not eat before showering, especially in the morning.

Does anyone else experience this?

TFW vacay is hours from being over and instead of enjoying it, all you can do is think about/plan your b/p for tonight when you get home.
Created: Tue Jul 24 07:23:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hck8/tfw_vacay_is_hours_from_being_over_and_instead_of/
Why am I like this?

My brain is telling me I almost died last night
/u/bunkinpumpkin [5'7 |CW:123lbs | BMI: 18.89 | -22 | GW: 125lbs | UWG: 118lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 24 06:22:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gwpb/my_brain_is_telling_me_i_almost_died_last_night/
Only partly ED related but I fell asleep last night after my 8th day on DNP 300mg at 11 and woke up at 3 a total psycho. Back story: I have migraines, and I ran out of one of my preventative medications and my migraine abortive medication because freaking doctors. So I got a migraine yesterday and before that I was having my "myofacial spasms" that are probably trigeminal neuralgia.

So I took DNP in the morning, EC stack, then that night I took first a gabapentin and benadryl, still hurting, took naproxen, more benadryl and my last freaking Imitrex, finally stopped hurting and fell asleep.

I don't think I was actually dying, I think this is just migraine postdrome hangover/ medication disassociative hangover. I once ended up on /tripsit because my postdrome migraine hangover actually felt like some pot I'd smoked for pain hadn't worn off for 12 hours when really it was just migraine postdrome hangover.

I feel like a Sims character who has free will turned on who starts doing the most random things, like jumping in the pool or make cookies and leave them on the floor of the bathroom, just a total basket case. And in that crazy state, it feels like I jerked myself awake from dying but I know I'm delusional, I checked my temperature and it was just 97.6 at 3am.

Anyways. I didn't know where to share this but this is a safe space where you guys understand how I got myself to this point without judgement and won't freak out going "oh my god you'll die, why would you do that". I was going to stop DNP today anyways but now I'm super going to stop until it's winter and I know it's safe to take it and not die in the night from hyperthermia.

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday July 24, 2018
Created: Tue Jul 24 06:09:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gths/thinspo_tuesday_july_24_2018/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 24, 2018
Created: Tue Jul 24 06:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gtgv/daily_food_diary_july_24_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for July 24, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] tfw you promise yourself you're going to fast but you end up having to eat with your family
/u/death-crush [156cm | 47kg | BMI 19.3 | 19F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 06:07:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gswl/tfw_you_promise_yourself_youre_going_to_fast_but/
...and they choose a restaurant where the calorie counts are basically impossible to find

and the food isn't exactly healthy so you know you probably went over your calorie limit for the day with just one meal but you don't know with how much

and you have to force yourself to eat because the food portions there are "normal" & it'd look weird if you didn't eat most of it

and then everyone gets dessert so you have to get one too

and even tho you only eat half of it you still feel way too full & like shit

and then you get home and you have to force yourself not to purge even thought it's very very tempting and feels like it might help bcs purging will just make everything worse

honestly though being full is such a horrible horrible feeling... and like i can't even say that i enjoyed the food bcs i just ate it mechanically because i "had" to. did i taste good, who knows? i sure don't. i can't even remember the last time i actually enjoyed food, instead of eating it while binging or simply bcs i had to eat something.

sorry for the long post, existence is pain

Not to be a walking meme, but
/u/c_marier [5'6" | 109.6 | 17.76 | 24F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 05:59:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gqul/not_to_be_a_walking_meme_but/
Me: Why isn't there a cure for this????

Also me: Thank God there isn't a cure for this, just think of how much fatter I would be.

i'm crying. i want to be underweight more than anything in my life.
/u/BIueJayWay [5"3| CW:107 |GW: 102 |BMI:19 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 05:43:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gnf7/im_crying_i_want_to_be_underweight_more_than/
this is going to be long and really stupidly melodramatic, so feel free to skip it. im sorry, I just wanted to type my thoughts out.. they're too much.

I want to be underweight so, so incredibly badly and the fact that I will probably never get there.. i want to disappear. oh god i'm so fucking torn about this. i'm jealous of underweight girls. i'm so jealous of underweight people in general. I've been crying all day, and i'm actually worried about mum mom coming to my room and seeing me like this. What am I going to tell her?

I will *never* be that easy to pick up. have such slim legs, be the subject of jokes about needing a burger, about needing to gain weight.

i'm going to sound awful but.. this is the only thing I want that I can't buy, or ask my parents to get me for my birthday. and bitchy as it might sound, I despise not being able to throw money at this problem.

The jealousy is the worst part. i'm so jealous. of proana Tumblr girls, of /r/thinspo girls, of tall boys, kpop idols even though I don't listen to kpop.. of my friends. That's kind of the worst part, this piece of shit disorder getting between me and my friends.

I wish I was severely underweight. I wish so fucking badly that I had that. that I could eat whatever. that i could wear whatever. I wish I was posting on /r/gainit, buying gainer shake at the advice of my doctor, I wish people nicknamed me shit like Twig.

Guys, I love all of you so much. This is the most warm, understanding community I've been on on Reddit. but lord.. i want to die right now.

i'm just gonna tell my mom i'm watching Titanic or something. It's easier to explain.

[Rant/Rave] My friend basically told me to not post my weightloss
Created: Tue Jul 24 05:32:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gkxt/my_friend_basically_told_me_to_not_post_my/
I have a friend who used to be class 2 obese but she had weightloss surgery and lost lots of weight and posted about it on instagram.
I found it pretty triggering but never said anything.

The last 5 weeks I have been restricting and losing weight. I haven't been drastivally restricting, only down to 900 to 1200 cals a day. And I've been working out a lot. The last week and a half I've been sick and unable to eat much at a time and my friend knows this.

Today I posted on instagram how I have gone from an L to an S size. I'm pretty proud of that.
She messaged me and said maybe I shouldn't be posting things like that because it would gove other people unrealistic goals and ideas a out weightloss. She said I don't want to contribute to that instagram problem.

At first I didn't know how to take it, but then I felt extraordinarily triggered and considered not having any dinner tonight. Then I asked another friend and she got mad.

I just found the whole convo a bit weird. This friend knows I've been ednos in the past too.

[Discussion] DAE use multiple calorie/fitness/weight tracking apps?
/u/eyjafjallafuckyall [17F | 156cm | HW 53,7kg | LW 38,7kg | CW 45,4kg]
Created: Tue Jul 24 05:07:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gfgd/dae_use_multiple_caloriefitnessweight_tracking/
I use mfp, lose it, cronometer, and happy scale, because I like to be really meticulous in my tracking. Anyone else do this? Any app recommendations?

My favourite food 'hack'! What's yours?
Created: Tue Jul 24 05:02:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ge94/my_favourite_food_hack_whats_yours/
Like, I have milky tea (sometimes coffee) almost every day and I put in some salt to bring out the sweet flavours - I also add in sweetener and a dash of milk and if it's a dessert tea like cookies & cream or gingerbread (I have zillions of those flavoured tea, yes, even in summer) and it tastes like the sweetest, creamiest treat ever for 10 calories (thats what I count for the splash of milk - too lazy to weight it out lol).

I'm really into white hot chocolate too and bought Option's 44-calorie one, but it's disgusting - so now I made it as usual, but with an extra dash of milk, salt and sweetener - AND ITS SO GOOD OMG YOU GUYS GOTTA TRY THIS!

Whats your favourite 'hack'? :)

[Other] I love that I have no problem going days without food but like I’m also the person in a group that’s making sure everyone’s drinking their water. 😂
/u/onthewaydownnn [25F 5'7" HW: 188 CW: 150 GW: 118]
Created: Tue Jul 24 04:52:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gc5u/i_love_that_i_have_no_problem_going_days_without/
Me: “Drink your water!”
Me: Have you had your water?”
Me: “It’s really hot today, make sure you get that water in!”
Me: “You should have a snack. Its been hours since you ate last. Sit down, here I have snacks in my bag.”

....also me: * purging in the bathroom after eating a handful of goldfish. *

*Hahahahaha I’m a hypocrite.*

[Rant/Rave] binged :/
Created: Tue Jul 24 04:20:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91g5mt/binged/
I was doing really well, I allowed myself 1,000 calories today! I got up to about 600 calories and I was *done* eating until my mom got pizza. I ate way more than I should, to the point that my stomach ached. I didn't even WANT it anymore!!! it didn't even taste that good! I'm so disappointed in myself, I feel sick and disgusting. I know I can try again tomorrow and all, but I'm still just upset at myself for this. I should really know better by now.

[Help] dentists
Created: Tue Jul 24 04:10:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91g3k9/dentists/
i’ve been purging for probably 6 months now? i rarely purge until it’s only acid, and i do it soon after eating so it’s not super acidic. i’m sure it has had some effect on my teeth, but i don’t notice it.

i’m going to the dentist in a few days. i’m a minor.

will they notice, and if they do, will they say anything?

Tips for BDD
Created: Tue Jul 24 04:06:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91g2ww/tips_for_bdd/
I struggle hard with BDD I’ve lost around 100lbs last year and in my mind I still look exactly the same, I’ve tried everything such as body checks and measurements but I can’t get my brain to register how I look, does anyone know how I can help combat this?

Has anyone found themselves self harming more the less they engage in food-related behaviors?
Created: Tue Jul 24 04:04:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91g2j4/has_anyone_found_themselves_self_harming_more_the/
It only just hit me as a conclusion and I wanna know if anyone else has noticed the same thing. I can't figure out what happened. I used to be a severe picker/biter .then left it behind for starving and OCD-behaviors. then left *those* behind for more impulsive biting and scratching. But its l ike a gradient. I was starving before OCD and then stopped nail biting while starving. Im still technically *starving* now but I dont do OCD rituals anymore. I just.. get really heated and end up scratching myself and biting myself. I thought maybe it was because I have a hard time dealing with seeing my body knowing I cant starve it away again but Im not sure thats it..

Stretch Marks
Created: Tue Jul 24 03:56:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91g0wr/stretch_marks/
So I have Stretch-marks on my thighs. How do I help get rid of them?? I don’t have stretch mark removal cream and every time I see them I like get triggered. Any advice? Thanks.

[Rant/Rave] I played myself: threesome edition (NSFW??)
/u/oxygens_overrated [5'4|CW:126|LW:113|GW1:125 |18F|]
Created: Tue Jul 24 03:47:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fz7x/i_played_myself_threesome_edition_nsfw/
So background info: my boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year now (and have been intimate for about 2 years) and we are very open and honest in our relationship. And a few months ago I mentioned to my boyfriend that I would be down to have a threesome with him. I have one particular friend who I always planned on having a threesome with and for some more background info, she is gorgeous, about 5'1 and 78 pounds (she does not having an eating disorder but does have many gastrointestinal issues for anyone wondering). Ever since I mentioned this threesome, it ALWAYS gets brought up. My bf is so so so excited about this threesome and is even showing interest into sharing pics with other girls and various types of threesome type things (idk if that makes sense lol). Now the issue is, I WAS okay with having a threesome with this girl. She is a very close and trusted friend, I am not jealous of her body for whatever reason, and I don't see her as competition in anyway. BUUUTTT my bf talks about having this threesome so much now I am totally starting to have doubts about out relationship. I keep wondering if he is still attracted to me. Logically, I know that threesomes are very exciting and anything 'new' is obviously more interesting than something 'old'. I was planning on maintaining this weight but now I'm restricting again and spiraling. The thing is though, it's not like I am trying to look like the girl we were going to have a threesome with, I just want him to find me and ONLY me hot. The idea that he desires to be with other girls as much as he does is killing me. I want to be the one to turn him on, not the thought of the threesome. Does anyone have advice or have been in a similar situation. I have told him that the idea is starting to make me upset, and he has stopped talking about it but I still can't get those ideas and previous conversations out of my head.

[Rant/Rave] It’s not fair...
/u/travelers-unite [5'8" | CW:163 | GW:110 | ♂]
Created: Tue Jul 24 03:41:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fy2y/its_not_fair/
My husband weights ~95 lbs (he weighed himself in the middle of the day too) and eats whatever he likes, whenever he likes. Seems to have a wonderful relationship with food.

I can’t stop gaining weight no matter how many days I restrict or even net-0 in a row and it’s starting to drive me crazy. I feel so much guilt even putting honey in my green tea.

I had to go in for surgery a few days ago so I feel so powerless not being able to do cardio. I’ve just been letting myself eat to try and recover (never above 1000 net though) and I’m still gaining weight and I want to cry!!! I hate this, none of this is fair!!

[Rant/Rave] The doctor changed my medication
/u/space-crumpet [178 cm | GW: 65kg | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 02:51:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fp5w/the_doctor_changed_my_medication/
I had an appointment yesterday. My psychiatrist decided to switch my meds, because she thinks my ED is more important than anxiety. I took half of dose yesterday, as I should have, and I feel terrible rn. I'm sitting at work, and all I can think of is FOOD. Like, I could eat literally anything right now. I'm drinking 0-kcal soda, and trying to cheat my brain. The doctor said, I could switch back to my previous meds, if I feel bad. If that's not bad, then I don't know what is...

[Other] Cigarettes
/u/yungbrrrat [5'8 / HW 143 / CW 138 / GW 122 / F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 02:50:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fow3/cigarettes/
I told myself I was gonna quit but I binged so bad off them and gained shittons of weight.
I had one today and oh maann I forgot how good they are at suppressing appetite, I just smoke two or three and the sight of food makes me queasy 👌🏻

[Rant/Rave] why am i like this
/u/audreybelle_ [5’3 | 15F | cw: fat | gw: 110lbs | hw: 159.8lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:59:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fg2m/why_am_i_like_this/
it always makes me angry. it sets off some type of trigger in my mind, when someone talks about, or claims to have an eating disorder when they don’t actually have one. and today? my friend set that off. we were messaging on discord, when she mentioned eating disorders. i was talking to her about how i had lost a good amount of weight (haven’t updated flair), and how happy i was. then of course, she turned the topic to eating disorders. honestly? i have no idea why she decided to do that. she knows i have an eating disorder, even though i’m not very open about it. considering she knows i have one, i thought she’d at least know what an eating disorder was. she didn’t. she told me she had an eating disorder, because for the past week she hasn’t had an appetite, and hasn’t eaten much. this triggered something in me. i don’t even know what happened. i called her, and i went off. i called her a stupid bitch, i told her she’d never know what it’s like to have an eating disorder, i told her on how i was surviving on barely 1000 calories a day, i told her how i stood on the scale obsessively, lied to my parents daily about eating, and chewed up food then spit it out, and a couple other things that i don’t feel comfortable typing out. she was hurt, she ended the call with a simple “okay,” that sounded like she was on the edge of tears. i regret saying those things so much. i don’t even know WHY i said them. and now i realize that my obsession with being thin has just led to the end of another friendship. i’m a horrible person. i don’t need, nor deserve friends.

Nailed it
/u/meineschatzi [165cm | CW: 58kg | BMI: 21.5 | GW: 52kg | 25F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:54:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ff5g/nailed_it/
Going out to a concert tonight, decided to have a cheeky b/p sesh beforehand (ie completely lost control) and burst blood vessels in my ACTUAL EYE 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 I’m doing great guys

Also my shorts barely fit and I feel heinous and disgusting but I had nothing else to wear and it’s not feeling good peeps

I legit am tempted to try this
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:36:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fbty/i_legit_am_tempted_to_try_this/
[Who is this genius?](https://www.reddit.com/r/1200isfineIGUESSugh/comments/9182o1/you_wont_believe_this_one_dieting_trick1/?st=JJZDXAFE&sh=455c26d1)

[Discussion] Opinions/Experiences on Prozac
/u/uncommonlyaverage [5'3 | CW 109 | GW 92 | 19.31 | -16 lbs | 19F ]
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:14:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91f7sd/opinionsexperiences_on_prozac/
Hi, my therapist suggested I get on prozac for depression/anxiety. I am wondering what the effects were. Did it make you gain weight? Did it help reducing binging and purging? Did it help you lose weight? What are the positives/negatives of being on it. Thanks any inputed is appreciated!

[Rant/Rave] my period came back and i feel like a failure
/u/innocentkitty [5'1.5 | CW: 90 | 17.0 | GW: 85]
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:13:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91f7nd/my_period_came_back_and_i_feel_like_a_failure/
i woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and to my surprise after 7 months of not having a period it was right there. i feel like such a failure - i must not be restricting enough. i must have put on weight and not be small enough anymore. it was the only validation i had and now it’s gone i never want to eat again.

[Discussion] Does anyone else switch between restriction and casual eating based on triggers, emotions, weight, etc.?
/u/WaffleWolf14 [5’7” | CW: 113.8 | BMI: 17.7 | F | GW:100 |]
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:11:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91f7cb/does_anyone_else_switch_between_restriction_and/
I’m not diagnosed because I’m too scared (and have no desire) to talk to a professional about my disordered eating, but I would probably label it as a restrictive type of EDNOS. I switch between restriction and ‘normal’ eating depending on my weight or mood, or some tiny trigger, and it can be pretty spastic.

For example, starting last Tuesday I restricted heavily throughout the week (~300 calories). But this weekend, which I spent with my family, I had to eat normally beside them, and the anxiety began to wear off. This Monday, when I was alone again, I still ate like a normal person. Tomorrow? Who knows?! I might go walking for 2 hours in 96 degree weather without eating, or I might sit on the couch and be lazy all day while eating junk food!

Long story short: I’m maintaining in a weird up and down fashion by restricting, going back to normal, restricting again, etc etc. Over time I’m probably ever so slowly losing weight, but it’s super frustrating.

I still have body dysmorphia and low self esteem no matter my diet, but my diet (and my weight) fluctuate a lot, and a restriction episode can be triggered by the tiniest things.

Thankfully once school starts again, I think I’ll be on track again (a schedule often helps). But I was just wondering if anyone else did this?? Or am I just crazy???

PS Rant: My scale is broken and I don’t have tape so I guess I have to go off the mirror :/ oh boy howdy we all know how this goes

When you move in above a gym
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Tue Jul 24 00:16:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ewew/when_you_move_in_above_a_gym/
Above. A. Gym.

I'm so excited that if I can keep my calories low enough I can burn the majority of it off and it could be like I barely ate anything at all 😍

[Intro] Intermittent fasting
Created: Tue Jul 24 00:12:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91evj6/intermittent_fasting/
I'm rather new, I've been lurking for a couple weeks now but lately my depression has slipped and you know the routine.
Instead of a full intro I'll just ask, is anyone doing intermittent fasting? What are your results?

Some about me. I'm 27 now and I felt somewhat normal, eating wise. Compared to when I was in high school.
About 3 years ago I was 130 pounds which I starved to get too. Since getting my own place and living alone I managed to get to 170 give or take. I should mention I'm 6'1" . It's to the point people make comments even my family & bf.

I think I went a little overboard
Created: Mon Jul 23 23:54:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ervf/i_think_i_went_a_little_overboard/
So after restricting very heavily today I exercised and burned around 200 calories (not much I know :/) and even then I purged,now my head is swirling and it feels like I have iron slabs tied to my ankles,so I'm gonna go to bed and hopefully feel better in the morning right now I feel like death.

low calorie recipes?
Created: Mon Jul 23 23:52:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91erg8/low_calorie_recipes/
hi again! does anyone have any low-calorie recipes? (i don't have any allergies/diet preferences btw)

thank you!

I think he knows now.
Created: Mon Jul 23 23:30:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91en5e/i_think_he_knows_now/
I’m sitting here in the living room with my hands stinking of puke and him in the bedroom trying to get some sleep for tomorrow’s work day.

He came knocking on the door just as I finished a b/p and was washing my hands and face up. As I sprayed the Febreeze he called out my name and I just felt my inside do a flip. I almost froze from anxiety but I moved quicker.

I get out and make my way to the couch, nervous. I feel like I’ve been caught doing something wrong just the way it felt when I would get in trouble as a kid. My bowl of croutons unfinished in front of me. As if I was going to keep eating.

He comes out and tries to give me a kiss and I know I reek of vomit so I turn my cheek. He doesn’t budge. Okay, a quick peck. There. Good? Good. And he won’t look me in the face. His head is down as he makes his way to bed. And he doesn’t look at me and I can feel his disappointment. And he knows. And I know. And I’m not sorry. And neither is he for me.

He won’t say a word about it. He never did. Not when I lost 35 lbs. And not when I’m going to lose 20 more.

Just needed to write this somewhere, thank you for reading <3

[Rant/Rave] Friggin frig
Created: Mon Jul 23 23:00:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91eglu/friggin_frig/
One of my best friends passed last night. She will be forever missed. I'm fighting the urge to eat my feelings, or to drink them. I have weed, it only kinda works. Munchies terrify me.

Its not fucking fair, ok. It's just not.

i finally came here y’all
/u/angelic-rose [🌹 5’6 | 130 | 21.59 | 19F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:36:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91eb8i/i_finally_came_here_yall/
Heyo, long-time lurker and first-time poster here. Kinda new to all of this.

As my flair indicates, I’m 19. I’ll be a sophomore in university this year. I’ve always been thin and seemingly never had to worry about my weight (even when my disordered eating habits started during my senior year of high school??? Why the hell was I worried about weight gain when I was nearly underweight??¿ ig that’s why I’m here)

Then I started college. I had a meal plan and my formlerly-impoverished ass hates wasting money so I tried to use up all of my meal swipes and stuff. Cue freshman 15. Then the holidays came around and I gained even more weight. At my heaviest I think I was around 140, which I know is a normal weight but I felt sooo shitty and gross. My thighs started touching and I was /not/ used to that. They still touch at the top and it bothers me more than it should.

Anyway. I’ve since vowed to never reach my high weight again. I haven’t had access to a scale in quite some time so I can’t use solid numbers as a reference point for goals or current stats. I could buy one obviously but I feel like that would really send me down a dangerous rabbit hole.

I’ve lost some of the weight I put on previously, although I’ve been stuck in the same shitty binge-restrict cycle for fucking months. I’m staying with family until I can move back into my dorm (and can properly restrict lmao) and they keep a lot of my fear foods here since that’s what the kids like to eat. Every time I try to stick to my healthy food someone makes a cake or something and I lose my shit and eat spoonfuls of the leftover frosting. It happened tonight and I feel disgusting.

But yeah!! That’s some context. To be honest I feel like a fake but I know that my relationship with food is absolutely fucked. I’m trying to lose more weight before I go back to school next month, maybe hit the lower-120s. Right now any day that I don’t binge is a victory though.

I guess I bit the bullet and posted here because I need to socialize and you all seem so lovely. This sounds messed up but I’m looking forward to my time here, no matter how long that may be.❤️

[Discussion] DAE look at thinspo of opposite sex?
/u/philoqueen [5'7" | CW 112 | BMI 17.5 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:33:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ear1/dae_look_at_thinspo_of_opposite_sex/
I'm a female, physically at least, but I've always wanted to look more masculine. Luckily I have broad shoulders and literally NO boobs due to my ED, but I still got hips. Usually I can hide my femme features, and sometimes I feel like a girl and don't mind them as much. But I'm wondering if anyone else here is gender-queer/or fluid and their ED is fueled by wanting to look more andro.

[Other] Wish me luck
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:31:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91eaag/wish_me_luck/
I was doing well with restricting until today, when I went overboard (did a lot of c/s and probably went over 1100 calories when my daily goal is <700, ugh I hate myself) so I planned out exactly what I’m going to eat tomorrow and I need to stick to this. I have to remind myself how good it feels when I am restricting and how good I feel about myself when I do.

Documentary on Amazon Prime - Fasting
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 113.7 | GW 101 | WL 4 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:25:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91e8vp/documentary_on_amazon_prime_fasting/
Watching now and it's interesting. One thing they say is fasting doesn't lower your BMR as much as prolonged restricting. Also, in a study of time restricted eating vs ad lib eating, the time-restricted mice supposedly stated thinner than the ad lib eating mice.

Weird desire to brag about my problems to my husband
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:18:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91e76e/weird_desire_to_brag_about_my_problems_to_my/
Am I just a sick person? I feel this urge to tell him so much. To brag about the details of my eating problems. He doesn’t like to hear about it. It makes him uncomfortable, so I keep the details to a minimum. But I don’t know, I just want him to comfort me about it, so I try to make myself out to be this weak person with all these problems. Granted, I am fairly fucked up, but I’ve never gotten thin enough for people to be legitimately worried. And he’s the only one who knows right now. I just want to be acknowledged. I feel like I’m not sick enough to have people be concerned but I want them to care, you know? Am I going insane?

Appetite suppressant lollipops?
/u/sylas69 [5’4 | 118 lbs | 20.25 | f]
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91e6w7/appetite_suppressant_lollipops/
I found these through Instagram and all the reviews seem good, so I’m tempted to try them out— what do you guys think of these? It says they’re 35 calories per lollipop.


[Rant/Rave] stupid mini rant
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:06:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91e4gc/stupid_mini_rant/
i hate this. i hate being tired all the time and i hate having no energy to do anything. i want to learn how to bake better but every time i even think about baking again i get scared about all of those calories i might end up eating. i hate being obsessive about food but i also hate the thought of gaining. anyways sorry for rambling i just needed to type this all out

[Help] EC stacking
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:43:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dywk/ec_stacking/
I'm considering buying ephedrine (Bronkaid) and/or pseudoephedrine (Sudafed) for EC stacks as an appetite suppressant. For those that have tried both: is there one you'd recommend over the other? If you've taken either, have you experienced negative side effects from it? How effective do you feel EC stacks are?

It's not legal to buy ephedrine or pseudoephedrine in my state as a minor (I'm 17), so if I bought it, it would be during my trip to Boston and NYC next week.

[Rant/Rave] Cannot be social anymore
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dype/cannot_be_social_anymore/
God I’m sick of hanging out with friends because everything revolves food. Catching up? Let’s go to dinner! Staying home? let order take out! I haven’t told anyone yet about my ed but I cannot keep seeing my friends as much as I do it’s costing me my weight and my money I can do so much better without eating out with them it’s only gonna be a few more weeks until we’re all back at school and become busy again I hope they all will manage ugh

[Discussion] DAE feel like they need someone to keep them in check?
/u/BroItsJesus [5'4 | CW ? | GW 100 | 18F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:33:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dwo1/dae_feel_like_they_need_someone_to_keep_them_in/
I go through phases of binging and restricting that are so irregular. So often I feel like I just need to have someone there to say "no. Drop that fucking chocolate bar you fat fuck, you're better than this" y'know?

I feel like an ED faker :/

Do I belong here?
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:33:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dwkk/do_i_belong_here/
So I sort of swing between times where I don’t eat at all and I eat everything in sight. I was prescribed a stimulant to curb the binging but I don’t take it on the daily.

Right now I’m telling friends I’m doing keto but I’m really just eating like nothing all day except cold brew.

I don’t know where else to go.

I just want to stop being so fat.

[Help] Super low cal foods or meals without aspartame or super artificial additives?
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:31:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dw04/super_low_cal_foods_or_meals_without_aspartame_or/
Hello, I have begun restricting again but I'm noticing I don't feel well when I eat things with aspartame or similar 0cal foods (gum, candy, drinks, etc.). Stevia's ok but it has a weird taste, plus, I don't really want to accustom myself to sugary stuff. Anyone have any ideas? All I have is tea, caffeine, celery, carrots, tomatoes. I really love the ricola mixed berry but they're 30 cals a piece. Eggs are pretty good to have for a meal since it's 80 per egg. I'm trying to not eat meat, nuts, dairy, and maybe even grains since it was a past addiction.

[Other] Going on a trip for work - how to appear to eat normally & deal with social night drinking?
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:29:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dvqt/going_on_a_trip_for_work_how_to_appear_to_eat/

EC stacks make me want something more
/u/iloveitosusumu [5'9 | SW185 | CW? | GW111 | BMI? | 20F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:25:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dukf/ec_stacks_make_me_want_something_more/
Thinking abt shit like heroin and coke. I haven't gone a day without stacking for like nearly a month and haven't eaten solids in almost as long. Sometimes I read my old, old posts, full of binges and purges and getting absolutely nowhere and it's just? I don't know her. Not even "who is she" cause nobody cares lmao. It's so surreal, I wish I had more pictures of myself a year ago because I swear to god I didn't realize just how fat I was. I thought I was normal and it's indescribable what that feels like now. High weight was 185 for ref

I put my scale away and I don't have the will to get it out. I hope I DIE without knowing!!!! That would be so fucking cool, fat2fit2fresh-corpse. If that girl with 15' calves is reading this, I'm at 11' now so dreams do come a little bit true and I love you.

You're all so sweet and I'm not in any danger so don't waste any emotional labor on me!!!! I'm hangry as SHIT, share your good times and successes w/ me!!!!!!!!!!

Back sliding
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:24:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91duf0/back_sliding/
I started having an ED when I was around 15 (a lot of issues with my parents but that’s other drama) and I managed my bulimia okay so most people didn’t know about it, at least I think, I used to pass out and I couldn’t donate blood for a long time-malnutrition kind of issue. Fast forward to college and I’ve been accepted into medical school and I’m still struggling with accepting my body and having a healthy relationship with food. I had an incident that made me wonder if I could do medicine with an eating disorder. So that pushed me to change. I started thinking better about food, not turning to it when stressed or throwing up when stressed. I did this myself, still never told my friends or family. 

Fast forward again and I’m in my first year of med school and I tell my ex that I still love him  and want to spend my life with him (TL;DR we broke up over a year ago and never stopped texting -texting like 10 hours/day - or hanging out when I’m home). He tells me he’s been seeing someone (completely blindsiding me) and doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore but said he doesn’t know what the future will be. I’m still completely in love with him  and would do anything to be with him. He's basically stopped talking to me and seems to spend so much time with this new girl. I just feel like I'm never going to find a special relationship with anyone again.

Anyway, all this stress for the passed few months had really pushed me back into old ways. I don’t really know what do to here because my personal situation is affecting everything in my life and really pulling me down. I signed up for therapy and did the in take, I’m waiting to go to my first appointment in August but I don’t know how to talk about this with them either. 

Cherry season panic
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:23:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91du8m/cherry_season_panic/
Had to eat dinner with my mum after sitting in my comforting restriction bubble for a nice while. Wasn't a big deal, maybe 400 calories, nothing I should have wigged at, but you know how it goes.

Still unfortunately got a bit of the ol' freak out after ma went to bed and purged it, totally forgetting that "dessert" had been 5 fresh cherries and a glass of water.

INSTANTLY my brain was like "oh god you've finally done it you're dying."

Now, I have frequent "this is how I die" moments. Slip on some ice? This is how I die. Get a little dizzy in the shower? This is definitely how I die. Choke on a cracker alone at home? TIHID.

But until now, I have never had that moment whilst expelling blood-red liquid from my mouth.

I think I'm going to start a list, just so I can put that on it.

[Rant/Rave] What self esteem
/u/lavenderbruises [5'10"|CW 115| GW 100| BMI 16.74| 19F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:03:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91doyh/what_self_esteem/
Honestly I’m just having a bad night and it feels like nothing is going right in my life. I’ll probably get over it and start worrying about more important things but goddamn I want to vent and have a little self pity party.

First off, I fucking hate my skin. I have random ass breakouts which always leads to acne scars even if I don’t pick at them. NOTHING I do seems to make a bit of difference. Meanwhile there are girls out there who literally sleep in their makeup and wake up with flawless dewy skin.

My actual face is not much better. I have an underbite and I need braces for it but I’m waiting until I get a job next year so I’ll have insurance. Even then I’ll have to look like an awkward teenager for 2 years.

Then there’s my body. My weird ugly body. My nonexistent boobs and my shapeless waist and my tree trunk legs. Apparently my pear shape is genetic so even if I starve myself to the brink of death I will still have thick muscular man calves.

As for the icing on top of the cake, no one freaking cares about me. Besides my family obviously but they’re kinda obligated to. My ex is following tons of basic bitches on Instagram and they’re all hotter than me. Not skinnier than me obvs but like hotter in the eyes of a dude. I bet good money that he’s fucking at least one of them, but maybe not because he has no game.

So yeah. There you have it. Nobody compliments my appearance besides thirsty guys on dating apps and middle aged women. I feel about as attractive as a literal pile of shit.

Or Im just PMSing real bad, that’s probably it. I’ll go back to not giving a crap soon.

What apps do you all use?
Created: Mon Jul 23 20:44:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dk6t/what_apps_do_you_all_use/
I see lots of cool screenshots and I’m curious what apps everyone uses to help / document their journeys. I’m a data nerd, I love looking at charts, graphs, and trends.

Right now other than LoseIt for calories i use MoodNotes to keep track of how my episodes effect my mood or vice versa.

I’ve only been doing it for 2 weeks so i don’t have a lot to look over just yet but it’s been insightful already. My goal is to be able to see patterns of a decline that leads to a binge or hyper-restriction period.

I’m noticing that interacting with my attractive, younger coworkers so far triggers my restrictions.

What about you all? What’s been super helpful / have you discovered about yourself?

Had a moment of crisis in front of my cousin
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 107 | GW 100 | 18FtM]
Created: Mon Jul 23 20:32:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dhd9/had_a_moment_of_crisis_in_front_of_my_cousin/
I am so, SO bad at hiding my eating disorder when I'm intoxicated in anyway. My cousin asked me to grab some bread as we were about to make french toast, and as I was about to grab it I had this weird fit of? laughter? I started panicking REALLY hard and it manifested as me standing in front of the breadbox giggle crying for a good five minutes.

I'm so embarassed. Agh.

ec stack, bloated like CRAZY
Created: Mon Jul 23 20:19:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91de1t/ec_stack_bloated_like_crazy/
Does anyone else retain water like crazy when they’re doing the EC stack? It’s every time, no matter how much I drink I swear to god.... the trade off for having no appetite is apparently looking six months pregnant :(
My period isn’t helping either, I miss not getting it. I just.

[Rant/Rave] Husband wanted to have sex in front of the bathroom mirror
Created: Mon Jul 23 20:19:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91de01/husband_wanted_to_have_sex_in_front_of_the/
And holy shitballs I didn’t realize what a terrible idea that was until we were already going at it. We haven’t done that since I gained 60lb toward the end of college and I’ve lost 30 so far but damn everything jiggles so much and I could barely even see him behind me and he thought it was hot and I just want to barf like thanks for the motivation to definitely start a fast tonight

[Discussion] Concave Stomach
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 19:37:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91d393/concave_stomach/
When does your stomach concave in a fast? At first it was 3 days for me. Now, it’s if I go anytime over about 20 hours. I’ve got one right now as I’m 36 hours in, and it makes it all the harder to break.

[Discussion] Things that are more important to you than your ED
Created: Mon Jul 23 19:34:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91d2dx/things_that_are_more_important_to_you_than_your_ed/
In this community, eating disorders always seem to take first place in everything we do and all the choices we make. Our well-being, social events, our thoughts, etc.

I want to know what is *more* important to you than your ED.

It’s ok if nothing comes to mind immediately, but I’m sure if you think of it, you’ll find something or someone that is more important than this disorder.

[Intro] hi :)
Created: Mon Jul 23 19:31:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91d1pj/hi/
hi everyone, i'm new to this subreddit but not new to ED. i've been lurking for a few days and this honestly seems like a very supportive and understanding environment, so thank you for providing that!
i'm a 16 year old girl and have been fighting anorexia for 6 years now on and off. recently i noticed i've gained quite a bit of weight (i'd guess 5kgs ((11 lbs i think? sorry i'm from au and don't use lbs all that much))) based on remarks by family and friends that i look more womanly/curvy/etc and the fact that i can just tell, you know? the reason i haven't weighed myself is because a) my family doesn't have a scale since they threw it out when i was hospitalised 3years ago and b) i'm way too terrified. i **know** that i've gained a lot of weight, but god, i'd hate to know exactly how much. is anyone else afraid of weighing themselves, but still desperate to know?

anywho i decided i'd go and ask for some help. i saw in the rules post that asking for diet tips is banned, and i'm really sorry if this crosses that line, but i'm on about 900 calories a day at the moment (as of yesterday). i'm wondering if that's enough? i just see a *lot* of ana diet plans out there that seem fake, that's all. i want to lose weight but not too dramatically/quickly, as i wouldn't want to worry family. i'm just extremely unhappy with my body - i feel the most unhappy about it since i was 10.

if i had to guess i'd say my height is 168cm (5 ft 5) and weight was 55kg or 121lbs. i want to lose 10 kgs and get back to 45kgs eventually. i was happiest there. my therapist (i don't see her anymore) would always say that i would feel happier the more "healthy" i was, but that's not true. if my guesses are correct then i'm in the middle of a healthy weight range, but i've never felt shittier. i was at peace with myself when i weighed 45kgs. not when i weighed 40. it was always 45. that was perfect.

i'm sorry if i broke any rules in this post, please let me know and i'll be more careful in future. thank you again <3

TL;DR: hi i'm new, height 5ft 5, weight 121, age 16, female, gw 99lbs. nice to meet you all.

I binged and I'm disgusting
/u/apinkphoenix [185cm | 74kg | 20.7 | -18kg | 32F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 19:18:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cya8/i_binged_and_im_disgusting/
Somehow I let myself get horribly drunk and I managed to eat EASILY 2000+ calories. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. I just want to confess how disgusting I am and how little self control I have. Sorry for being so crass xo

[Rant/Rave] Just need to use this space for a minute...
Created: Mon Jul 23 19:06:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cvbv/just_need_to_use_this_space_for_a_minute/
... I have nothing new or interesting or simulating to say. Not looking for upvotes or comments (although I love hearing from you) but here is a free writing excerpt about my evening battling with urges and disappointment.

Things have gone wrong and things have gone right but man

Am I tired.

Tired of the bullshit.

Tired of the fact that I am SO happy when I stay under calories.

Tired of the fact that I consider a day “terrible” or “ruined” if I binge or eat over even if every other part was good.

Tired of counting and having to prep ahead of social outings.

Tired of the embarrassment, the never ending mental math and weighing.

Tired of fucking shitty diet food. Sure rice cakes are good but they fucking don’t replace bread. Yeah VitaminWater Zero is nice and all but the fake sugar stomach cramps? Is it worth it?

Tired of judging myself and others for what I eat. Tired of going to the gym and zoning out and just watching the calories burned tick up and up until I can’t go any longer.

Tired of hating my body. Every step I take is torture... I feel it in my thighs my arms my calves my chin my belly. I can only wear tight binding hot clothes so that I can pretend that my thighs don’t ACTUALLY spill over the edge of the bus seats.

Tired of considering self harm “better” than binging. Ashamed but also desperate someone will see them and say what’s up.

I’ve been in treatment and it’s done me SO good but man... recovery from ED or even just mental illness is just ... too much work sometimes.

Fuck. I’m so tired.

[Rant/Rave] I’m pissed.
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cr27/im_pissed/
Tl;dr: dietitian gave me a meal plan. I’m upset and my mom made some unhelpful comments that upset me even more.

My dietitian gave me a meal plan today. If I don’t follow it or refuse to eat, being sent to inpatient care will be discussed. I’m currently sitting alone on the bathroom floor crying because of it. I was so happy restricting. I was losing weight fast. I was finally ready to keep at it. I’m so sad and hurt and angry. I just want to punch something. And the worst part is my mom didn’t know it was hard for me!! She walked into her office and when my dietitian handed her the meal plan I started crying because it hit me that holy shit this is really happening. Anyway, my dietitian told my mom when she asked why I was crying that it’s not a fun thing to have to go through and my mom was like, “oh. I didn’t know.” Like what the hell, does she actually think that me (with an eating disorder) would enjoy being forced to eat??! And then she said “wow, that’s a lot of food to have to eat.” As if what if she said before wasn’t bad enough. The last comment really upset me because how could she be so careless as to say that to her own daughter? Anyway sorry. Just wanted some support/wanted to get this off my chest.

i fainted in front of my mom
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:33:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cmrq/i_fainted_in_front_of_my_mom/
my mom is now super worried about my eating habits and paying closer attention because i fainted in front of her... >\_<

i know its good she cares and is worried but i feel so bad that i make people worry and i just want to keep losing weight...idk

[Rant/Rave] I HATE MATH
/u/nymphlotus [64in | 157 | 26.9 | -23lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:30:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91clop/i_hate_math/
Seriously. I do math at work and that's the only time I ever want to have to do it. But it's become the least favorite part of my ED.

I weigh my food to make sure the calories are right. But it doesn't always come out exact. So not only am I tracking calories and macros in all my food, I then have to do the math to figure out shit like "oh this is 90 calories per 120 gram serving, but the amount I'm eating is 102 grams". And then I do that math for all the macros, too.

I hate math. I suck at it. It makes my brain hurt.

Honestly every time I fall off the wagon and binge it's because I was too fed up to sit and do the math ritual that comes with every damn thing I eat.

[Other] Negative Calorie Day
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7"| CW 171.8 | 26.9|-23.2| F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:18:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cihw/negative_calorie_day/
For the first time ever, as far as I know, I burned more calories exercising than I ate today. I may have done that when I was running quite a bit, like training for a half, but I was eating enormous amounts of calories so I don’t really count that.

Today I burned 678 calories and ate 650 (that was with a 100 calorie snack I allowed myself because I knew I had burned so much already.

I feel both a little ashamed and also elated. Ashamed because I know I’m damaging my body by doing this, but elated because it makes me feel so powerful and I want to do it again.

Not sure where I’m going with this. Just rambling I guess.

Legit proud of myself.
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 92lbs | 14.8 | Male]
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:17:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ciad/legit_proud_of_myself/
I managed to have a piece of the saskatoon berry pie my partner made. This is the second pie he's made, as he received a couple of massive buckets of fresh berries a few weeks ago. I was too terrified to touch the first, but after speaking with my dietitian about this specific scenario, I gave it a try. 1/8th counts as a starch and a fruit, so I had a small (meticulously eyeballed) piece as my lunch, with a salad (veg) and greek yogurt (protein).
I've had issues in the past with major cycles of restricting because I ate too much, then binging because I'm starving, repeat repeat repeat. I've eaten whole cakes and pies and liters of frozen yogurt. But I didn't want to eat the whole pie. I had a satisfying breakfast, and I'm not planning on heavily restricting for the rest of the day, so I was totally fine with the serving, and it didn't seem like "not enough" because I had the salad and yogurt with it. I'm not super full now, and even though I only finished it about an hour ago, I'm almost feeling like I could eat again soon.
According to MFP, I'm still at just under 1100kcal today.
I'm amazed.

[Discussion] Does anyone else spend absolutely horrific amounts of money on food
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:12:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cgrh/does_anyone_else_spend_absolutely_horrific/
That they then either never eat and expires or they eat the entire bag of dried mangos in one sitting and then feel like they’re dying and there is absolutely no inbetween?
I spend hours almost every day wandering health food stores and Trader Joe’s and buy all these “healthy treats” or “healthy snacks” that are almost always horribly overpriced, and then can never justify actually eating them to myself so they sit for months in the cabinet judging me.
On the other hand, lately I am in the habit of buying massive packages of dried fruit intending to ration them, then eat the entire thing that night at 3am.

Binged Today and Feeling So Guilty
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:00:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cdr5/binged_today_and_feeling_so_guilty/
I restricted yesterday and ate almost nothing but vegetables. Woke up and weighed myself. 2 pounds heavier. Was so fed up even though logically I know It is water weight.

so I had mac n cheese and then miniature bite sized cookies and a takis.

I literally had nothing of nutritional value today (:

I hate myself

[Rant/Rave] Well... That happened.
Created: Mon Jul 23 17:49:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91caxz/well_that_happened/
I previously posted about not having ever been able to purge and it finally happened. Today the urge came over me again and I did it. I'm really not trying to make this is a thing and I feel really weird about the whole experience. Just needed to vent. I'm scared this will be another bad habit I develop...

[Rant/Rave] Started using Happy Scale and I’m so motivated by it!
/u/JimMakingTheFace [5’5” | CW:133 | GW: 115]
Created: Mon Jul 23 17:40:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91c8e4/started_using_happy_scale_and_im_so_motivated_by/

[Discussion] Still Obsessing Over Calories But...
/u/bruised_ribs [F | 14 | 5'5" | 96.8 | 15.7]
Created: Mon Jul 23 17:13:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91c11c/still_obsessing_over_calories_but/
I'm eating like a normal human? Kinda? I'm eating over a 1000 calories a day (still normal workouts, though), but I'm still obsessing over calories, probably even more than usual. It's making me feel pretty wannarexic. Does anyone else go through this, or am I being crazy?

I spilled the beans
/u/I_love_abortion [5'1| CW122 |BMI 23|GW100 | ]
Created: Mon Jul 23 17:10:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91c05h/i_spilled_the_beans/
Well, the metaphorical beans. I hit my lowest weight almost a year ago. It was noticeable, comments were made, I brushed them off like a pro. This past winter/spring I hit rock bottom emotionally, and magically started bingeing. And bingeing. And bingeing. Queue 13 lb gain. Anyone around me who was commenting on the weight loss stopped being concerned because oh look, I'm fat again. Fine, good, I don't care. A couple weeks ago I was shitfaced and fessed up to my new bf and long time bff that I maybe possibly have a problem with eating sometimes. Their response was pretty nonchalant because I am obviously not restricting now. Great. But I hate soooo much that I shared my secret. I feel guilty, like I was seeking attention. I swear on my life, that was not my intention, this kind of attention makes me incredibly anxious. Now I'm ready to restrict again and mad that anytime I decline to eat while I'm with them they'll think I'm looking for attention. I don't know how else to describe it, it's like I'm scared that restricting was only possible and special when it was my secret. It's annoying that it'll take more effort now, and it makes me anxious that someone could try to call me out. But I feel like I'm betraying myself if I give into that fear and don't let myself restrict. Am I crazy? Why am I like this? Why tf did I even say anything to either of them? UGH.

[Discussion] DAE (anorexics) feel nauseous to the point of almost vomiting when eating?
Created: Mon Jul 23 17:04:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91byhx/dae_anorexics_feel_nauseous_to_the_point_of/
Due to a combination of meds and laziness I’ve had almost no appetite for a very long time. I’m now off these meds, and I don’t eat much at all. When I’ve been attempting to eat full meals recently, at like four bites in I get so nauseous I have to stop eating for like ten minutes. Does this happen to anyone else or is it a me problem?

Being pear-shape is somewhat like a death sentence.
/u/chrysanthemym [5"4' | CW: 140lbs | GW: 115lbs | Female ]
Created: Mon Jul 23 16:56:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91bwcn/being_pearshape_is_somewhat_like_a_death_sentence/
Honestly though, it really is. Whether it's gaining weight or losing it, I always end up extremely disproportionate. If I lose it, my upper body becomes emaciated, whereas my lower body is smaller but albeit still flabby and still fat.

If I gain it, my upper body looks "all right", but my lower body looks like a huge blob of fat, it honestly looks obese.

I just wish I wasn't so disproportionately shaped and I wish my body had some sense for once.

**TD;LR:** Being pear-shaped is frustrating as fuck because if you're a pear, your body doesn't know how the hell to get rid of fat correctly.

/u/sadbean17 [158 | 57.8kg | 24 | 18F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 16:34:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91bpy5/i_am_so_mad/
Can't flair, on mobile, please flair as Rant/Rave


I want to fucking die rn.
I started off as 61kg, didn't eat for about 3 days and lost 3kg, which put me down to 58kg, I ate the fourth day, no more than 1,500 (I hope). Then continued to fast for another 3 days, I ate on the 3rd day maybe just before 12AM no more than 1,500 so ofc I was considering to at least gain 1kg and a bit, I was expecting but to be at least 56.5kg (my goal was 55kg), but INSTEAD I am 59.1Kgs, I'm so mad at myself for letting myself eat that large amount, I didn't even want it, I could've gone for so much longer or at least ate something light, now I feel like I have to restart, I shouldn't of listened to my SO when he said "you haven't eaten in 3 days so it's okay if you eat this" it was a lie.

I know I'm being dramatic but I feel like dying, I just don't understand why I put myself through the pain of eating when I know I'm going to hate myself afterwards. I wish this was just water weight or something but I honestly just think I'm a fatass. I mean it could be possible I lost no weigh whilst fasting idk.

Short version: fasted hoping to lose weight and instead gained, now I wanna die

[Help] Miralax and plateau/bloat?
/u/shiratakisamurai [5'3 | CW 119.3| BMI 21.1 | HW 181| GW 100 | -61.7 | 19F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 16:29:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91boq6/miralax_and_plateaubloat/
Hi guys,

About a week ago I started taking miralax for... obvious reasons. It worked well but for some reason I'm up .8 pounds since when I started taking it. I've been drinking A LOT of water and eating 600 calories a day (overestimating everything, I make it all myself and weigh my food meticulously) and exercising off ~500 of those (7 miles of walking a day). Im absolutely panicking because I'm trying to shift into recovery/maintenance soon and the fact that I haven't even increased my calories and I've gained weight is making me feel like I won't be able to do it. I'm just trying to lose a few more pounds before I go home and start seeing a therapist and all that jazz.

It can't be food weight, and I've never had a plateau this long. All I can think of is that it's the miralax. Is that possible?

My heart rate is 45bpm...
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 16:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91bm0k/my_heart_rate_is_45bpm/
Ate quite a bit this weekend so high restricted to about 900cal today.

I'm in bed about to sleep but after feeling my pulse was quite low, I measured my heart rate twice and it's 45-47 bpm. Should I be worried?

[Tip] Some of the things I do to alleviate effects of purging, do you guys have pre-post purge rituals too?
/u/sugafreedreams [M17 | 5'11" | SBMI 28.7 | CBMI 16.8 | 85 lbs lost]
Created: Mon Jul 23 15:34:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91b85u/some_of_the_things_i_do_to_alleviate_effects_of/
I don't have a skincare routine, but I do have a routine of things I do before and after purging to help minimize the many negative effects that it causes. I'm not completely ready to quit this horrible addiction yet (although I do try to purge as little as possible), the least I can do now is to minimize tooth decay and make sure that I at least won't die from a heart attack.

I start off by eating a teaspoon of baking soda before eating any of the food that I'm going to purge, tastes pretty rank, but totally worth the benefits. The baking soda neutralizes stomach acid, which saves your teeth and esophagus from damage that the stomach acid would otherwise cause. After just a teaspoon the vomit never burns in the esophagus or throat, most often it doesn't even taste acidic at all. It's much better to neutralize the acidity before it can even reach your teeth in the first place, the acid always has time to do a little bit of damage if you're only rinsing and neutralizing the mouth afterwards.

After purging I immediately take about a quarter teaspoon of baking soda (again) to rinse out the mouth and teeth to neutralize any possible acidity that wasn't gotten rid of in the previous step. I literally carry a little cocaine-looking plastic bag of baking soda in my backpack because it's so useful, it would be a hard thing to explain if seen by someone though lol. These steps have appeared to work, as I've experienced absolutely no tooth decay (not even sensitivity) from purging almost daily for over half a year now. I spent a lot of time with braces on to get my teeth this straight, so I'm doing anything I can to not make them rot and chip away now.

As the last step (usually before going to sleep each day) I mix in half a teaspoon of 45% sodium 45% potassium 10% magnesium salt to a glass of water for each purge that I did during the day. Doing this has stopped me from feeling light-headed or weak after purging, feeling like that is usually a sign of your body struggling to supply enough potassium into restoring the body's pH balance after losing stomach acid. If left unbalanced for a long time, electrolyte deficiencies can lead to heart palpitations, heart attacks and even death. If you have symptoms of nearly fainting after purging, I highly highly recommend looking into what high-potassium (potassium ≥ sodium) salts are available where you live. The brand of salt I use to replenish my electrolytes is a good one, but it's only sold here in Finland.

Again, purging is a horrible addiction that I wish I had never started, but these are some of the things that I do in the meantime to at least not die. Do you guys have more ways for combating other negative effects that purging causes?

I hate family events !!!!!
/u/BlackSequins [5'5| SW:175| GW:100| CW:160| -15lbs| 22F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 15:34:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91b81h/i_hate_family_events/
Right now I’m at a family gathering and I’ve never met this part of the family before and there’s absolutely no way I can not eat and feel rude as fuck the first time I’m ever meeting them and now I’m over my 700cal goal and hating myself so much over it fml

Ate just a little over 1000cal and I know it’s less than a lot of people I know who are normal eat but I feel like a fucking failure especially because I’ve been bloated feeling and my weight’s stalled again and I just want it to fucking go down and I feel like now my day is ruined because I was going to be good again today and stay under my goal and now it’s all fucked up

I fucking hate family events so much kill me

[Rant/Rave] I feel disgusting
Created: Mon Jul 23 15:19:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91b3gg/i_feel_disgusting/
I just ate over my calorie goal for today, and I wasn't even fucking hungry I was just bored. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not even going to be able to work it off today because I'm still in pain from over exercising yesterday.
Why is it so hard to live like this?
Time to start water fasting again.

Is it possible to build muscle while heavy restricting?
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -25lb | M21]
Created: Mon Jul 23 15:05:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91az9a/is_it_possible_to_build_muscle_while_heavy/
I don't just want to be skinny. I want to be toned, I want to be *lean.* I want the fat to melt off my body and reveal tendons and muscle. Not a lot, you know, but some. But I mostly restrict around 2-500, 800 max, and I keep reading you have to eat a calorie surplus to build muscle, which is just... something I'm not willing to do, lol. I know a lot of people with EDs exercise a lot but don't have a lot of muscle because of restriction, and I'm wondering if that's a given or if it's just because they're not trying to build muscle and there is a way to do it if I want to try.

[Rant/Rave] I don’t know how to deal with my boyfriend [rant/fed up/done with everything]
/u/l0seme [5'7" | CW 131.75 | BMI 20.63 | -13.25 | UGW 115 | 21F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:59:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91axl2/i_dont_know_how_to_deal_with_my_boyfriend_rantfed/
I love my boyfriend, I really truly do. He’s amazing in every way but GOD is he obsessed with my body and the way it looks.

I know I’ve gained weight recently (about 10-15lbs) and I’ve slacked off from the gym because I’ve had exams and holidays and for gods sake I was feeling pretty good about my body. It was curvy and slender and I was okay with allowing myself extra food while stressed with exams and on holidays because... well because I was okay with it! I didn’t hate myself! I thought I deserved. Nice. Food.

But then my boyfriend... I don’t know, anything I say will make it sound a million times worse than it is but in the past month we’ve probably had three separate conversations about my body and my weight and my eating and exercise habits - in that he felt I was slacking and looking worse and losing the benefits of working out 5x per week. He SAYS it comes from a place of being worried for me - he thinks I’ll notice in a few weeks that I’ve gained lots of fat and I’ll freak out and get depressed. I’ve tried to tell him regardless of whether he points it out it’ll probably happen but why can’t he just enjoy me being body positive while it lasts??

He’s just told me he finds me sexy when I’m eating salad and that he was “upset” when I had an extra slice of pizza the other day (at my friend’s wedding ffs!!!)

Idk I just feel like he doesn’t realise how unhappy I was when I was at my lowest weight or the lengths I went to to get there and he WANTS me to get back there and I just feel too apathetic to fight back anymore. I just want him to tell me what to eat and when and how much exercise to do so i can just stop caring.

[Rant/Rave] Depressed loss
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:57:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91awze/depressed_loss/
Hey y’all, i just have to vent real quick because I feel like this is probably the only place that would understand

So for the past probably 2-3 months my depression has just been a slow downhill drop. I used to take meds for it but they made me gain so I just take meds for my anxiety. The depression, I feel like I have a pretty decent handle on so that’s ok. But it’s just been event after event that’s building, but it’s a crap-shoot whether I’ll gain or lose during these times

I always assume I’ll probably gain weight because I haven’t been working out. I have zero energy to do that. So I don’t eat a tonne (I try not to go over 860 - but preferably less than 800), and I have been slowly losing bit by bit. Last month we lost a kitten and that was (and still is) heartbreaking and a pretty decent source of some downhill depressed mode, and I did manage to get from I think my 133-135 plateau down to 129-131ish so I had a tiny bit of joy from that. Then I was about to get a job back at the company I used to work for (it would have been like a $3 raise from what I’m making now) so I was so excited about that and I was actually starting to think of how to better my eating habits (more protein, larger lunches, a probably healthier amount of calories) and then it was all swept out from under my feet. They gave the job to a former employee last minute and when I heard I had to hold back tears for like 2 hours because I was at work. And now it was my first day at the new location (my job closed my old location and split my coworkers and I up), and I hate it. The people are nice but I just hate it. It doesn’t feel right and I just feel so sad and frustrated. And all those plans to better my eating have disappeared like a fart in the wind

I don’t know whether I want to binge or heavily restrict. I’m hungry but I’m not. I want to eat but I want to punish myself by not eating. And when anything is suggested that goes a bit over my calorie limit I just say “I don’t even care” and eat it anyway. And then I do care afterwards. Ugh. It’s just so annoying. I just wish I could look at food in a healthier way than I do. I wish I could just eat what I need and not scare myself into starving

[Intro] hello.
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:43:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ask9/hello/

i've been a lurker on this sub for a while and a lurker on reddit in general for even longer, but this is my first attempt at actually posting anything. like, this is literally my first reddit post ever so i'm really hoping i don't mess anything up, hahah. if i fucked something up i apologize in advance.

i've struggled with disordered eating, depression, and anxiety since i was... about 12-13? (i'm 19 now). lately, my ED & depression have been getting worse, so i've made this account as a way to... reach out, i suppose? not feel so alone? something like that. i guess i just really needed to talk to somebody about this.

i hesitate to label my ED but i struggle with binge eating & purging. my depressive episodes actually are a big cause for my binging - you know, when you're trying to fill that empty void in your soul by eating until everything hurts? yeah.

i'm trying to control these... issues. mostly by tracking my food & restricting. it's actually been working for a bit, and i've lost some weight, but sometimes i mess up and trying to stop myself from binging is really tough.

uh, not sure what else to say. i'm really short (around 156 cm) and currently around 47 kg. hoping to get to a lower weight, if i don't kill myself any time soon (hah, edgy!).

i hope this didn't get too long. thank you so much for reading, if anyone got this far :)

[Help] Calories in a purple vs orange sweet potato?
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | ~90lbs | 17f]
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:42:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ases/calories_in_a_purple_vs_orange_sweet_potato/
Does anyone know? Do the purple sweet potatoes have the same amount of calories as regular orange ones? Obviously the nutritional profile is different bc of the color but I can't find anything specifically for purple yams in Cronometer so I'm just logging it as regular sweet potato. It's kinda giving me anxiety. Lol. If there are any yam experts around here, your input would be much appreciated.

I got high for the first time last night
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91argt/i_got_high_for_the_first_time_last_night/
I don't think I felt any actual munchies but I knew it was supposedly a thing so I used it to rationalize a binge


[Discussion] Questions about apple cider vinegar
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:36:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91aqhc/questions_about_apple_cider_vinegar/
So I started drinking apple cider vinegar today. It’s disgusting so I was wondering if there’s anyway to make it taste better other than using honey. Also is it even worth trying this? I have stomach issues already, gastroparesis to be exact, and do you think I’d be safe drinking this? I’m worried about asking my doctor if it’s safe for obvious reasons. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Kinda relieved I didn't lose weight this week?
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:15:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ajiq/kinda_relieved_i_didnt_lose_weight_this_week/
I've been housesitting this week and haven't had access to a scale. Today I finally got to weigh myself and I gained .08 pounds. Part of me is flipping the hell out thinking I'm gaining on 800-900 calories despite purging, or I gained because I ate 1300 calories one day, but there's some tiny rational part of me that knows that's impossible. I can barely function on 900 calories so I *know* that is not my maintenance. Plus, I haven't had a woosh in a while and I've been sick all week, so that could contribute to me holding onto weight (I assume?)

I'm only relieved because I think I look so fat still. I'm wearing shorts and staring at my thighs as I write this, and I feel like they were just as big when I was 30 pounds heavier in high school. I'm about two pounds from being underweight and I want to *look it* when I get there.

No Binge Week Day 1 - How did it go?
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | CW: 60kg| GW: 58kg | UGW: 50kg | LW:56kg | 25F ]
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:09:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ahlx/no_binge_week_day_1_how_did_it_go/
My day was good today. Ate about 1200kcal (rounding up) and almost thought FUCK IT and had a piece of chocolate cake after my therapy appointment (I don't even like chocolate cake???) but I remembered this thread and challenge :)

How was your day?

Also, question:

If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?

[Rant/Rave] I’m dying.
/u/ReapHappiness [5'7" | 146.5 | 13.4lbs lost | GW1: 147lbs | UGW: 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 13:47:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91aaui/im_dying/
I’m not underweight yet but I feel it. I’m eating nothing with nutrients, I’ve drank nothing but Diet Coke for weeks, and I haven’t left my house in about 2 weeks. I’ve stopped showering unless I’m working out, and I’ve stopped turning my lights on. I’m certain I’m only eating 700cals a day. I haven’t talked to anyone outside my house, and I’m pretty sure that I’m close to death. I want to beautiful, I don’t even know if I want him but I want to be beautiful for him. But this isn’t beautiful. This is disgusting. She’s beautiful, I’m grotesque. I don’t know how much amphetamine I’ve been taking these past days, not enough to OD, but enough to numb my emotions. This isn’t beauty. This is a sickness, and I’m not getting better.

[Help] Just bring around this person triggers me
Created: Mon Jul 23 13:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91a22f/just_bring_around_this_person_triggers_me/
My boyfriend has a friend and just being around her triggers me. She is so incredibly small and perfect. She also has a food Instagram where she posts these crazy, large, mostly unhealthy meals she eats. She’s just effortlessly beautiful and being around her makes me so anxious. When I find out we are hanging out with her, I won’t eat for the rest of the day. Anyone have any advice on how to be around her without killing myself????

Food looks amazing until I see the amount of calories in it... then it just looks like a blob of fat lol
Created: Mon Jul 23 13:12:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919zpg/food_looks_amazing_until_i_see_the_amount_of/

"Just another ten pounds." That's how it always goes, you know?
Created: Mon Jul 23 13:12:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919zh6/just_another_ten_pounds_thats_how_it_always_goes/
That's how I've felt for a long, long time. When I was 155 lbs., I thought, "I just want to lose about ten more pounds." When I hit 145 lbs., I still had a belly. "Just another ten pounds," I thought. Surely that would take care of that troublesome spot. Ten pounds came and went, and so did my arms and ass and legs. The belly stayed. I'm a healthy BMI, but it isn't enough.

It's never enough. So. Ten more pounds it is.

What do you say to that, body? I can starve another ten pounds off you. I can flay you, one millimeter of subcutaneous fat at a time. I can peel away the layers of unwanted flesh. I can withhold from you sufficient nutrition until we're gaunt and hollow and you're begging for forgiveness. "Just one bite."

You might have your victories. You might seduce me with a binge. But I'm going to win. Ten more pounds from here.

About to buy my third scale in 2 months because ED tingz
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 13:04:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919x4q/about_to_buy_my_third_scale_in_2_months_because/
What is wrong with me - lol - I’m so broke...but so tired of all the scales in my life saying something different. The one I bought for my house in January said 95 this morning. My moms said 93.2, and my favourite scale - the one I bought for my boyfriends house - said 92.9. How can they be so different??? Even if I move them slightly they give me different numbers. It’s infuriating. How can you ever trust any of it? So I’m going to go buy yet another stupid scale and hope because it’s new it’ll still be accurate. Such a fun life

Please help me realize that one meal with my grandma won't ruin my progress
Created: Mon Jul 23 12:59:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919vjh/please_help_me_realize_that_one_meal_with_my/
My grandma wants to go to breakfast with me on Saturday, and part of me wants to go, but the other part is trying so hard to come up with an excuse not to.

It's a Danish breakfast, so everyone gets six aebelskivers (round pancakes) sprinkled with powder sugar, a cup of applesauce, and sausage. I'm a vegetarian so I'd eat the applesauce and three or four (plain) pancakes because she is watchful of how much I eat. But I haven't had pancakes in SO LONG that my brain thinks they are 400 calories each.

Could anyone please give me a realistic calorie estimate?

[Help] Trapped Safe Food
Created: Mon Jul 23 12:34:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919nl7/trapped_safe_food/
My sauerkraut is trapped in its jar. I've tried all the tricks and that jar is stuck tight. Looks like lunch isn't happening today. Don't know whether to cry or be thankful. I just came off a very successful four day air popped popcorn mono and I'm a bit delicately humoured after my trip to no flavour town.

I just wanted 150g of sauerkraut with 13 sweet potato crackers. Is that so much to ask? Apparently. ED won't let me put unplanned calories in me and without the kraut, I can't have the crackers... okay. Now I'm laughing. Fml If it weren't so hilarious/sad it would be sad/hilarious; depending on how you look at it.

DAE feel a little too self aware about their ED sometimes?

[Discussion] Recipes for shiritaki noodles?
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: 136 | GW: 111 | -28 lbs]
Created: Mon Jul 23 12:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919n1s/recipes_for_shiritaki_noodles/
I bought a pack of shirataki fettuccini and I’m excited because my ass has been wanting to guiltlessly eat pasta for a while. I was thinking of sacrificing like 100 calories worth of Alfredo sauce to put in it, some bell peppers, broccoli, and spinach? Maybe some vegan sausage? Put a little extra spice in it maybe.

I’m not as fond of using it for soy sauce stir fry, but if you got a recipe you R E A L L Y love, I’m still down to hear it! :^)

Hey girlies. If you haven’t tried the red rockstar zero, you REALLY should.
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |152.4 lbs|22.10 Male]
Created: Mon Jul 23 12:19:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919irp/hey_girlies_if_you_havent_tried_the_red_rockstar/

Created: Mon Jul 23 11:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919ada/fml/
I spent hours cooking for my lunches this week and measuring and weighing and calculating and I forgot to measure one ingredient: olive oil. And now I don't know what to do. I want to throw all these lunches away. I was so excited I made a 200c lunch 😭 I guess I just won't have dinner this week just in case.

Thanks, kid.
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:53:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9199sk/thanks_kid/
I wanted to have a quick snack before heading out the door to go see a movie with kiddo. One tiny bite turned into three, rapidly headed toward a full-on early lunch sized snack. My child said “quick, we have to go before you eat the whole apartment!”
Made me feel like garbage, but also snapped me out of what was becoming a binge. Now out of the house, still under 600 for the day so far. So both sarcastically and seriously: thanks, kid.

[Help] Help. EXploding stomach.
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: 106 | GW: idk | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:51:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9198x2/help_exploding_stomach/
Okay. Worst binge ever. So much food. So much. Like it’s scary how much I ate. My stomach hurts in a way it’s never hurt before. I’m hot. And naseaus. And scared. This is embarrassing. Has anyone felt like this? What helps??? Pls

[Rant/Rave] A moment of appreciation for sugar-free Jello plus sugar-free whipped cream—and a moment of silence for my sheer idiocy
/u/imokayjustfine [5'7 | CW: 179 | GW: 115 | -158 lbs]
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:39:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9195rb/a_moment_of_appreciation_for_sugarfree_jello_plus/
GUYS. Guess what dumbass 30 year old single parent started getting to know an even dumber 26 year old man child and got my heart fucking crushed today??! THIS DUMBASS right here. We’re both going back to school and taking a class together. Y’all. How fucking stupid am I??!

I really thought this dude liked me and shit, like I thought we at least genuinely had a Connection as friends. Turns out that, no, now that I’ve scared him away as a Potential Love Interest or whatever, he doesn’t want to be my friend and literally does not give a single fuck about me at all, ha ha ha ha. :) That’s what I get for opening up and attempting to even be social with a new person *at all* for the first time in literal years!!! Yay!!! :)

Makes sense though. He is painfully beautiful, a real Disordered In Denial gym rat kinda type who has the big, cut superhero biceps that dreams are made of. I’m sure he was very embarrassed of me still being overweight (on top of him being younger and not having kids).

That’s the thing though. He was embarrassed of me in general.

I mean, he knew I was Not Eating a lot and was pretty supportive of it really. He bought me black coffees after class a couple times, even though he doesn’t drink coffee himself. God, was he wonderfully triggering.

Anyway, we were still getting to know each other...I thought... He really made me feel like he fucking cared about me as a human being, ya know, regardless of where things ended up going or not going romantically/sexually (we had just been cuddling and kissing and talking about it and stuff like that), but like, welp, apparently not! Because of course not!!!

Turns out he was just a douchey twenty something year old dude, doing what douchey twenty something year old dudes do. I hardcore need to re-adjust to being seen as even remotely desirable, I think.

I mean, I knew I had probably scared him away in any kind of More Than Friends way after getting too Girlfriendy too fast recently, and I was fine with that and wanted to talk to him about it, you know, about us just strictly being platonic friends maybe and how that would probably be for the best anyway and whatnot—you know, foolishly imagining that this gorgeous fucking asshole actually gave *one single shit* about the *friendship* that (I thought) we were forming.

NOPE. Not one single shit. Not one shit was given on this day.

Now that he’s no longer viewing me...however he had been viewing me, I guess......he straight up doesn’t want to talk to me at all and pretty much just treated me like discarded trash. COOL.

I am!!! Too busy for this! I am too tired for this! I am too old!!!!! And I feel!!!!! So fucking dumb!!!!!!!!! Just so, so horrifically dumb.

I mean, I had already wasted so much emotional energy on someone who clearly doesn’t give a fuck. When I have!!! A lot going on!!!? Legitimately!!!

Why the hell did I do that? What is wrong with me? What was I thinking?!

The whole drive home, I just kept wondering if this might immediately trigger some harder restricting or some harder binging. I wasn’t sure, but I feared the worst. I mean, I KNEW I was gonna end up coping in some type of intensified ED way.

I got home though, and there it was; the sweet, sweet shimmering 8 pack of strawberry flavored sugar-free Jello that I’d picked up at Walmart just last night, perhaps knowing on some level that I might need it today.

Fam....I needed it. I really did. And it was HERE for me.

I ate 4 of those shits with 2 servings/12g of sugar free whipped cream. Unplanned, senseless, totally wild. Over the counter like an animal. And it totaled up to 80 cals. Bless.

Thank you, God, for the magical science of artificially sweetened frankenfoods. Thank you for this important gift.

Dammit, i will NOT let this deter me from my progress. I WILL use it as motivation, and I am posting this partially to hold myself accountable!! Help me stay away from the ice cream today, friends, because it would just fuck my day up more.

I’m not sure how to update flair on mobile (can you?), but I’ve had a 4-5 lb whoosh over the past week after a couple of 24 hour fasts and my lowest day ever (under 700 locals when it’s more often under 900 or even closer to 1000 and had never been lower than 7something before!)—and dammit, I want to keep riding this wave.

I’m at 373 cals so far for today, and I will NOT let my emotions ruin this day of eating!!! I’m around 174-175 lbs now—and so help me, I *will* be in the 160s by the time this class ends (in a couple weeks).

I feel FULL. I will be FINE! I DON’T NEED to eat my feelings! ...Right?

Luckily I have more sugar-free Jello though, just in case.

Thank you, sugar-free Jello. Thank you for your service. 🙏

I want to take more laxatives but I don't know if I should
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -25lb | M21]
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:33:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9193v2/i_want_to_take_more_laxatives_but_i_dont_know_if/
TMI, obviously. Basically, I've been taking laxatives every day since Friday night (because I binged on Friday.) I was taking them maybe every other day for about a week before that? I wasn't really keeping track. But before that I hadn't been using them for a couple months. Anyway, they weren't doing much before I binged, but in like I "I am not eating enough to give them much of a job to do" kind of way. But since the binge they just... haven't worked at all? And I've been trying to work my way down from the binge instead of trying to jump straight back into heavy restricting, some I've had some to eat this weekend, and I know there is poop inside of me and it wants to come out, but it is not.

And I'm concerned because I was really trying to lighten up on the laxative use, and I was gonna cut them entirely when I hit my next goal (which was in reach before I binged.) And I don't want to keep taking laxatives if I'm just signing myself up right now for a lifetime of problems.

But I also want to move on from this binge and I can't until I poop. So I want to just take a bunch of laxatives (I've never done more than the recommended dose, I just take them more often than you're really supposed to) and flush it out and then just resolve to stop taking them. But if just taking a bunch of laxatives won't work or if doing it is gonna fuck me up for a long time, can I just wait and my body will sort it out? Idk.

Take too many laxatives now, flush out this last binge, and then stop using laxatives, or stop using laxatives right now even though I think I'm genuinely constipated because I'm potentially suffering the effects of my laxative abuse and I don't want to make it worse.

[Help] Psychosis and ED.
/u/skinthin [5'2| 100 | 18.3 | 35 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:30:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9192zt/psychosis_and_ed/
Hey everyone. I haven’t used this account in a while because I lost the password, but I was needing some insight and I didn’t want to use my other account, as this post makes me feel very vulnerable. I wasn’t sure if I should post this here or in a psychosis-based subreddit, but I feel it’s more appropriate here. I have come to realize that my disordered eating has been taking a heavy toll on my mental health. I have been diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder, among other things, and I realize that my psychosis gets worse when I am heavily fasting or restricting. I feel nothing is real, my body feels foreign, voices come and go, and I have very slight visual hallucinations such as seeing things move when they aren’t moving, (which were rare for me to begin with.) and paranoia. I get trapped in my mind, become irritable and isolated. I haven’t been going to therapy because I don’t want to be policed about my eating, because my therapist does know about my history. I think that I will begin going back to my psychosis program, the only thing making me reluctant is that I know they will start making me taking medication again for my psychosis and I really refuse because medication gives me unbearable anxiety. My psychosis is slowly ruining relationships and I want it to stop without giving up my ED. What can I do? I don’t know if anyone experiences both psychosis and an ED, but I know someone out there must and I want to know how you maintain your symptoms while also fasting/restricting. Thanks in advance.

[Goal] University update, and a final post before I deactivate - never be afraid to reach out to help yourself or others❤️
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:10:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918w71/university_update_and_a_final_post_before_i/

Hitting my absolute lowest
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:01:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918tho/hitting_my_absolute_lowest/
Where do I start here? All my life I've had problems with my body and self imagine. No matter how skinny or how pretty everyone told me I am, I feel like a fat fucking sausage person. When I got the news that I could be studying abroad in Japan, I figured the life style change would help me get my mind off hating myself and for the first month it did. 2 months past and a guy from Korea started pursuing me. We went on a few dates and eventually we started dating. You would think that would be a huge self esteem boost to have a boyfriend from a country where beauty is everything, but it just made everything worse. I felt he was prettier than me, that everyone thought that he was lugging me around because I'm an easy target. Everyone told me otherwise, but I felt that no matter what I did, I would never be as good as him.

A month past and we finally broke up, and now he spends most of his time locked in his dorm room, I presume he got back with girlfriend in Korea. I have struggled with restriction diets my whole life and I am back in full force. I've stopped showering and taking care of myself and all I want to do is fast and go to the gym. I extended my stay here another semester and if I am not the girl I want to be, I don't know what I will do.

I just want to be happy, and it turns out running away from America doesn't mean I can run away from my insecurities.

[Goal] Giving fasting a go again.
/u/Funktionierende [25F | 5'2" | CW131.2lbs | SW185lbs | GW100lbs | BMI24]
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:56:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918rx2/giving_fasting_a_go_again/
I've been in a b/p pattern for months and I need to break out of it. 11 hours into a fast now, going to see how long I can go. Last time I started fasting I was able to reset my appetite so that I could differentiate between true hunger and binge urges and I desperately need to get back there because right now I have no idea what the difference is. So I'm giving it another shot. I guess I'll see if I can do it again.

[Rant/Rave] OTL why is losing weight not an even process
/u/bunkinpumpkin [5'7 |CW:123lbs | BMI: 18.89 | -22 | GW: 125lbs | UWG: 118lbs]
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918qj4/otl_why_is_losing_weight_not_an_even_process/
I'm finally back under 125lbs with aggressive yogurt mono plus pills, and my butt is flatter than it's ever been but my love handles are as round and puffy as ever.

I hate this process. Hate.

[Discussion] DAE record videos of themselves to inspect their own body from an outsider’s perspective?
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:42:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918n8s/dae_record_videos_of_themselves_to_inspect_their/
I cannot trust the mirror. I honestly have no idea what I actually look like until I take a video of myself. It’ll usually be like 20 seconds of me at various angles and poses, so I can have an idea of what everybody else sees when they look at me. Usually I find it disgusting but I can’t stop rewinding each second and studying all the fat and flabs and grossness on my body.

I’m only 2 kg away from my goal but I still look so ugly. Even if I get skinny I’ll never be able to fix my face.

Coworker said I look skinny!!
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:29:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918j6y/coworker_said_i_look_skinny/
I took off my apron to go on break and eat lunch and my coworker said i look “so skinny.” So I blame it on stress thinking she means it negatively then she says no it’s a compliment you look good! Made me smile and ready to go to the gym after work

Is a compulsive eater welcome here?
/u/stinkyfern [5'5" | 29.9 | +24lbs | F(ood addict)]
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:23:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918hk7/is_a_compulsive_eater_welcome_here/
Just want to make sure. I definitely don't want to barge in. I've never tried to get diagnosed, but I do discuss with my therapist (who I love, but is overweight) my food issues. Mostly, food is an addiction to me, or a comfort for my sadness at best. I feel like I have no control around it.

Now I've gone and gained 20 pounds over the past half year and my boyfriend keeps trying to be supportive by telling me "every time you're about to overeat, just think about how it's hurting me", and it's making things worse.

I really like this community, but if my sort of food issues aren't really what it's about, that's fine!

xoxo, whopper girl.

Losing/Lost Perspective?
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:15:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918et0/losinglost_perspective/
Longtime lurker here! I’ve only posted a few times, but I read posts many times a day. I love that this community exists.

I had anorexia many years ago (and was hospitalized for several months for it). I gained weight but never fully recovered, mentally speaking. However, I managed to maintain an acceptable weight for a long time.

Recently, though, I started losing. At first it wasn’t on purpose (I have another major medical condition), but at a certain point my brain was like, “Keep going!” and I was all in. I see a dietitian and my family doctor regularly (I should probably find a therapist) and say all the right things during my appointments. Left to my own devices, though, I can’t turn things around.

Right now I’m eating what I consider a lot (1200–1400 calories/day); the more major problem, probably, is that I’m also exercising for like five or six hours a day (mostly walking). I’ve been trying to cut back, but I can’t seem to. Plus I’m tall, so I guess I need more calories to maintain than most people.

My BMI is around 16.9 (old) or 16.5 (new), and I’m losing a couple of pounds a week. I keep getting threats of hospitalization, but I guess that I don’t see this as being a major problem yet? I also recognize, though, that my perspective might not be the greatist. At this point I don’t even know if I WANT to lose more weight; it’s mostly that I’m so obsessive about it (I also have OCD) that I can’t stop.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do?

Sorry for the incredibly long post!

You guys!!!
/u/dalliantdoll [5'1 | CW 86.4 | 16.3 | 18 F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:09:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918da2/you_guys/
!!! I reached my goal weight this morning (85 lbs exactly) and I think I can genuinely say I am happy with my body with where it's at there!! I've always been afraid of the common trope of never being happy enough with lowering weights, and maybe this is just a passing victory, but for now I really really like how my body looks and feels and could see myself maintaining here! I mean the intensive fear and anguish anytime the scale scooches up half a pound or whatever will still plague me, and the addiction to seeing it go down is still present, but I think I can maybe reasonably be okay with just sticking around here???

We shall see, fingers crossed. For my sanity's fucking sake y'all.

Dear body
Created: Mon Jul 23 09:29:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9180nc/dear_body/
Why can't we get along :(

[Help] Not sure if possible...low cal filling lunch ideas??
Created: Mon Jul 23 09:18:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917xg1/not_sure_if_possiblelow_cal_filling_lunch_ideas/
What do you guys eat to trick yo selves

[Rant/Rave] New Favorite Craving Destroyer
Created: Mon Jul 23 09:01:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917sfz/new_favorite_craving_destroyer/
SPARKLING ICE WATER IS AN ACTUAL GODSEND. My parents don't let me drink diet or zero soda (oh no it's gonna give me cancer) so I can only get it once in a while. I don't really like the taste of regular water, so finding something where I don't have to drink my calories is a bit difficult.

Then I discovered Sparkling Ice.

This stuff is actually the nectar of gods. I tried the lemonade flavoring and HECC it's so good. It filled me up more than an actual meal. The watermelon flavor is also amazing. I know a lot of people already know of this but if you didn't like I do, TRY IT OUT, especially if you're in a position like me and can't get diet soda. There's a ton of flavors, no calories, and it's in a tall, thin bottle that reminds me of my goal weight.

[Discussion] DAE have an inspirational ED song or artist?
Created: Mon Jul 23 08:36:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917kz7/dae_have_an_inspirational_ed_song_or_artist/
Hey everyone! I'm a long time lurker but decided to make an account because I need friends, especially ones who understand and I already love all of you for what we have in common.

My current song is "Beloved" by Say Lou Lou. It popped up on my spotify last week and I've been obsessed ever since. It speaks to me on so many levels. I think of the person she's singing to as my ED but it can also apply to my husband. The two things are closely related anyways and the song goes hand in hand.

I HIGHLY recommend you listen as it's so beautiful even without that personal relation. Sorry I don't have a link, I'm new to this but you can definitely find it on YouTube. There's also a remix that's pretty good.

Does anyone else's weight stall exercising while restricting?
/u/pailblusea [5'6.5"| CW 126.8 | BMI 20.5 | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 08:35:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917ktl/does_anyone_elses_weight_stall_exercising_while/
On mobile, can't flair.

I do up to 2 hours of HIIT cardio and burn up to 1000 calories, averaging 1200 calories eaten a day. I am meticulous down to the gram about everything that goes into my body so I am certain on how much I eat. TDEE generally between 2100-3000 calories a day depending on how long I work out. Anyway, I've done this long enough that my muscles aren't sore doing it but my heart rate stays between 145-157 when I work out. I know I am burning lots of calories.

But my weight has been stalling. Or going UP. I know water retention happens with exercise but this is ridiculous. I am not even losing inches. I feel like I am killing myself for nothing!

I remember I lost weight way better just sitting on my butt all day eating 800 calories and watching tv and sleeping.

I suspect cortisol (stress hormone that prevents fat burn) is the culprit. Physically and mentally I feel stressed. And so much hungrier than if I don't workout. I'm snapping at people because inside I am so angry and frustrated *at myself* I get bitchy and horrible to be around.

What is the point? I am just going to stop exercising. This isn't helping me at all. I want to cry at how much my body fights me. Talk about feeling powerless...

Anyone else stall with cardio?

[Discussion] any Not Terrible + active recovery communities?
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Mon Jul 23 08:15:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917f41/any_not_terrible_active_recovery_communities/
trying to actually recover a bit instead of being in fake recovery but most communities seem either dead (reddit) or shit (instagram). anyone found anywhere decent?

[Rant/Rave] Resurgence of depression - Rant
Created: Mon Jul 23 08:03:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917ber/resurgence_of_depression_rant/
I don’t care enough to make a alt, I just need someone to tell it to. I’m been super depressed the past week. I have barely gotten out of bed and I have showered in five days. I’m a mess. I was trying to recover but I have slipped into a binge cycle. I’ve been eating probably twice my TDEE every day for two weeks and I hate myself so much for it. My stomach is huge and my thighs rub together and my arms are expanding. I tried to purge today but I couldn’t make myself do it. I’m in exams right now and everything just feels like too much so I just eat all the sugar. No rhyme or reason. Fuck. I feel like there is no end in sight and I don’t know how to stop.

[Rant/Rave] House sitting is both wonderful and anxiety ridden.
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 153.6 lbs | 30F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 08:03:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917bef/house_sitting_is_both_wonderful_and_anxiety_ridden/
I'm house/cat sitting for my brother and sister in law, who are both grown adults who never cook, re: never keep food in the house. They offered to pick me up groceries but I told them I'd get my own delivered (lie), so I'm spending the next week in a house that basically just has booze and condiments. Honestly, A GIFT. But... These BARBARIANS do not have a full length mirror OR a scale anywhere in their house. How do people live like this? Im loving the lack of food/no one around to judge, but at what cost? I can't weigh myself and it's like heaven and hell are colliding here. Someone please send me rice cakes and a scale. 😢

[Discussion] DAE have thinspo "trends" or common repeating details?
/u/venetianrosequartz [5'6"|CW ---|HW ---|LW 130|GW 150|UGW 115|Female]
Created: Mon Jul 23 07:45:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9176pm/dae_have_thinspo_trends_or_common_repeating/
I noticed when going through my tumblr collection of thinspo I have a "type". Not body type (although I lean towards those with my bone structure), but type of picture details. I'm not going to link example pictures (it might lead to my tumblr) but I can describe them.

**Beach/pools/water:** Mainly beaches/the ocean. Literally 5/10 of my recent likes have pools/ocean backgrounds. This fixation might be because I've never been to the ocean, pools are not common here at all, and I associate it with leisure and luxury.

**Friends:** Photos of two or more skinny girls who seem to be friends. Idk why but the concept of a sisterhood or close friendship is really appealing?

**Restaurants/posing with food:** The idea of a skinny girl with a healthy yummy looking meal in front of her is. Mesmerizing. It occasionally is junk food but 99% of the time if its food, its a salad or fruit or healthy item.

**Breathtaking apartments with views and nice furniture:** I have approximately a billion photos of girls posing on balconies, or by their bedroom mirror, or on an expensive couch. 99% of the time it seems to be a European country? France maybe?

Piecing this together, it's clear that not only do I obsess over becoming a skinny, beautiful girl, I want a life of luxury, nice dinners out, massive downtown apartments, close friends, etc.

And I've never had that life. I've always been the chubby friendless girl, who lived in a house that should have been condemned and eating ramen every day.

**So: what trends do you observe in your thinspo (if any)? Why do you think you are drawn to that (consciously or not)?**

Thanks for reading!

Can a doctor tell I have an ED if I haven’t purged recently and not at a low weight?
Created: Mon Jul 23 07:39:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9174v4/can_a_doctor_tell_i_have_an_ed_if_i_havent_purged/

will i ever feel normal again
/u/iluvmnms [164cm | CW: 53kg | BMI: 19.7 | GW: 45kg | 18F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 07:33:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9173h8/will_i_ever_feel_normal_again/
i feel like i'll never recover from any eating disorder, like i've been b/p free for a little while and thought i was in a healthy mindset but now i'm restricting so much and i feel so much better doing this than b/p but it's still not good?? does anyone else feel like they're just switching back and forth not actually recovering?

[Rant/Rave] Big binge last night.
/u/KattyWampus666 [:karma:163cm | SW: 123kg CW: 93kg | 27F:karma:]
Created: Mon Jul 23 06:49:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/916s92/big_binge_last_night/
I was doing so well... The last few days I was eating like a semi normal person and I wasnt obsessing anywhere near as much, really trying to be more positive and thinking about recovery... Then last night I binged, hard, to the tune of 1800 calories in ONE sitting (yesterdays total 3300! fml). Today, the scale is showing that Im FIVE POUNDS heavier and Im freaking out. The logical part of my brain knows that it is impossible for me to be 5lbs heavier, I ate 1500 calories over my TDEE and the rest of the week I was in a deficit... All thoughts of recovery have rushed right out of my head and I feel like such a failure.

TL;DR: 1800 calorie binge, scale showing 5lbs up, FREAKING OUT... Send help.

[Discussion] Has anyone ever tried DietBet?
/u/onthewaydownnn [25F 5'7" HW: 188 CW: 150 GW: 118]
Created: Mon Jul 23 06:35:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/916oa7/has_anyone_ever_tried_dietbet/
Not an ad or promo, just a genuine question. I just signed up for a diet bet to keep me accountable to not binging from now until my birthday. (The bet runs until the day of my birthday.)

I was reading a book that said it’s far more useful to create consequences for doing something you *don’t* want to do rather than rewards for doing something you *do* want to do. This seemed like a great idea to me and made a lot of sense. Essentially, the reasoning behind it is that you’ll constantly be pouring out effort to reward rather than creating a consequence large enough that it only takes the setting up of one consequence rather than:

1. a bunch of small consequences that don’t actually deter you from that behavior, they just slap a price tag on them and if you’re willing to pay it, you don’t even feel guilty for the behavior anymore. **OR:**

2. A bunch of small rewards that don’t really feel like a reward at the time being. **OR:**

3. A large long-term reward that may or may not help you because it’s so far in the future that it doesn’t even seem real and/or you might not have the confidence that you’ll make it there anyways so it’s not that motivating.

The large consequence seemed to be the most beneficial for me. Hense the DietBet. Had to pay to enter, and if I maintain my goal of not binging, I’ll get my money back and be fine. If I don’t stick to my plan, I’ll lose a crap ton of money. BIG consequence.

Thought this logic seemed really easy for me to understand, and it really resonated with me.

Thoughts? Opinions?

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! July 23, 2018
Created: Mon Jul 23 06:12:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/916ixe/weekly_stats_update_july_23_2018/
This is the weekly status thread for July 23, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 23, 2018
Created: Mon Jul 23 06:12:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/916iwm/daily_food_diary_july_23_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for July 23, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

How tf do I stop with the sugar?!
Created: Mon Jul 23 05:47:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/916d89/how_tf_do_i_stop_with_the_sugar/
I'm so insanely addicted to sweets it's ridiculous. Even when I was at my lowest and restricting the most, I was just eating cookies and pieces of chocolate. For whatever reason I feel like I HAVE to have something sweet after eating a meal, and sometimes I'll skip a meal entirely and just eat something sugary. The worst of it is that my teeth are jacked up. Between the sugar addiction, grinding my teeth, bad genetics, malnutrition, and former smoking, I've lost some, a lot of them are ground down or broken, and if I can fix anything before my work insurance kicks in to make it slightly less sucky, I feel like nixing the sugar could do it. Substitutes don't really help cause I'm still eating something sweet and it gets me craving something else and next thing I know I've eaten an entire bag of fun sized Kit Kats. Has anyone cut out sugar or at least severely cut back? Teach me your magic ways!

[Discussion] High calorie/low volume or high volume/low calorie
/u/fuckingupleftnright [5'7" | 117lbs | 18.32 (old), 18.26 (new)| -33 | F | gw: 115/110]
Created: Mon Jul 23 05:32:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9169ve/high_calorielow_volume_or_high_volumelow_calorie/
Recently I haven't been counting calories, only restricting serving sizes. I'm eating small amounts of whatever I want and just making sure I never feel very full. It's working well for me and I'm losing/maintaining weight and donr feel deprived.

I'm just discussing because on 1200isplenty and stuff they always want huge huge salads and stuff but that type of high volume food simply isn't satiating or satisfying to me so I'm over here eating half a slice of buttered toast or a boiled egg and feeling emotionally "full " for the same calories. Logically I'm eating extremely small portions for a "normal" person but I don't really feel that hungry ever, except when I don't eat for too long (>7 hrs) and I get hypoglycemic nausea or whatever. I'll eat veggies but not much, not like must fill my ravenous stomach pit amounts.

DAE do this? Is this normal eating or still disordered?

[Rant/Rave] I just gooot a scale
Created: Mon Jul 23 05:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9167ak/i_just_gooot_a_scale/
and it’s literally the first time I’m under 50kg since I stopped growing! Granted it’s still in the high forties but I’m finally seeing progress on all the times I’ve made myself drink water or tea instead of eating actual food

food to take to a four day music festival?
/u/fxckyouaurora [166cm|51.5kg|F24|🍑]
Created: Mon Jul 23 05:09:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9164vv/food_to_take_to_a_four_day_music_festival/
it's all in the title really. we'll probably buy one or two hot meals from the food stands, but we won't be taking anything to cook with at the tent.

I was meant to be solidly under 110 at this point as well but that was never going to happen was it? :') 112 this morning, as long as it goes no higher I can deal.

Minimum calories? Help please!
Created: Mon Jul 23 03:57:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915qzg/minimum_calories_help_please/
So lately I've been restricting more than usual again, averaging around 300 calories the last two weeks (well, usually about 200-250ish, and 500 on sundays before weighting on mondays so that my glycogen stores will be at least a little restored and the weight is more accurate).
I'm trying to only weight myself once a week and today, it was my weigh-in - but I only lost 400g since last week :(

This makes me really upset and I want to restrict even further, but I also noticed that I'm weirdl light-headed and dizzy which makes me too scared to go out (I hate fainting in public!).
What do you think? Should I still up my calories to avoid the fainting even thought I'm not losing fast enough? What do you think should be a good 'minimum calories' (I'm not going over 500 until I hit GW1, which I'm 4kg away from)? I really want to eat a little more but I feel so guilty because I'm barely losing :(

[Other] Chilling story about negative calorie foods
/u/Cocoleia [5'7 | CW ? | GW 111 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 03:49:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915pl9/chilling_story_about_negative_calorie_foods/
*As per rule #5, we aren't allowed to link to other subreddits, but I wanted to share this story with the community here. It is from r/ nosleep, which is a sub where users post their* ***fiction stories*** *(supposed to be realistic horror). I saw this one this morning and thought about ProED, since I am sure Negative Calorie foods are basically our dream. Let me know if this is not okay to post here.*

"Please, take this seriously. I don't have much time. I need to get this out. I'm telling the truth when I say that these foods are the worst consumer items released since cigarettes. They're probably worse. I may not be the chief creator of these foods, but I played a role in their inception.

Look, I never meant for them to be bad. I had a noble goal. Well, if allowing people to binge without fear of weight gain is noble. I definitely had some selfish motivation - my desire to the aforementioned.

I've always loved junk food. That led to me getting fat as a teen. I was in denial in high school, but I always knew the truth. After graduating high school, I got my weight under control, losing over 60 pounds. Of course my love for junk food didn't decline though.

I would have a "cheat day" where I ate whatever I wanted, then offset it by dieting on other days. That worked for a while. But as I got older, it got harder to rebound from the cheat days. Harder to maintain my weight. I got desperate. I didn't want to give up junk food, but I also refused to let myself get fat again.

I'm getting off track though. It's time to delve into the warning I have. I'm sure you are aware I'm not alone in my feelings. There's a reason so many "guilt free" snacks dominate the market. And there's a reason the diet industry is so sustainable. Hell, some of you probably understand these urges. That's why I'm warning about this upcoming product.

I'm sure you're all aware of the zero calorie items available these days. Diet soda, flavored water, seltzer, coffee, tea, etc. You don't have to fear weight gain when consuming such items. Well, a negative calorie food takes it a step further. And it is exactly what it sounds like. It is a good that requires more energy to digest than it provides. A food that will induce caloric deficit through consumption.

Sounds great right? Imagine eating chocolate, candy, burgers, and more as you please. It'd be the greatest thing since sliced bread. But you know what they say: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

I'll be honest when I say I don't understand how this food was engineered. There's some fancy chemistry behind it for sure. If I were an egghead, I'd be able to tell you all about the molecular composition of sugars and proteins and whatnot. I'm sure manipulating those things was part of it.

I played no role in the actual creation. But I pitched the idea, and I helped oversee the testing.

As you may have expected, we used lab rats for the initial tests. We have them negative calorie cheese. It sure is a good thing we didn't sample this batch with humans.

Simply put, the cheese was too effective. The rats wasted away and starved. We only gave them a little bit, but it negated the rest of their diet.

Attempts to save them failed, as it seems the cheese screwed up their metabolism. This should have been our reality check. Our realization that this was not a good idea. But all of us, myself included, decided to try again.

We went back to the drawing board. We decided to stay with the same general idea, cheese and lab rats. We appeared to succeed this time, too. Our chemists must have dialed back their work. This time the rats didn't waste away and die, but the effects were still evident.

Success on rats doesn't mean everything though, and it certainly didn't mean success with all food types. This is where it gets ugly. A few months after this breakthrough, we completed a test batch of negative calorie cols and chocolate. We gave these items the brand name "Delite."

It wasn't feasible to give soda to rats, so we did something I'll never forgive myself for. We decided to have a focus group. These people would be asked to consume these under our supervision for a brief period of time, in order to determine the efficacy of the food.

We ultimately assembled five people, whose names I won't reveal. I will refer to them as A, B, C, D, and E. We gave each of them a soda and candy bar. These items were supposed to induce a caloric deficit of 500 each.

That goal succeeded, but damn it we failed elsewhere. Seems engineering the sugars in candy is harder.

The first day was uneventful, but all Hell broke loose on the second day. It all started with B. He demanded more and more of the candy and soda. More than was safe. This deficit was cumulative, after all. Eating too much would cause what happened to the first pack of rats.

We denied the request, explaining to him the safety reasons. But he wouldn't listen. He was addicted. He assaulted one of our researchers. This was a red flag, but it got worse. We didn't end the project there. We decided B was the problem, not our product.

But it wasn't just B. E was also affected, albeit differently. The candy fucked up her metabolism, and badly. She needs so much food to stay the same weight. She needed about 6,000 calories a day just to stay the same.

It's worth noting that she had a love-hate relationship with food. Consuming that much food harmed her psych. This was bad once the focus group ended. She had signed waivers and a nondisclosure agreement, so we were safe legally.

But the damage continued. She couldn't bring herself to constantly eat, and other times she couldn't keep it down. She died just like those first rats, her autopsy suggested bulimia or anorexia.

But her fate wasn't the worst. I need to get back to B. B's addiction and withdrawal continued, and he grew extremely violent. He killed A. He strangled him to death and ripped open his torso, trying to get the candy from his stomach. He was shot dead by security.

I'm not sure how corporate handled that. I don't want to know. They used some resource you and I are probably too moral to imagine to make that go away.

Nothing noteworthy happened to C and D. They were forced into silence by the previously mentioned nondisclosure agreement (maybe threats/bribery too).

Those two were lucky I guess. But it seems these products cause addiction/homicidal violence/health problems. It doesn't make you fat, but there are worse things than that. I know that now.

Corporate had dollar signs in their eyes though. The product is set to be released next month. Please, heed this warning. I am posting this on as many places online as I can.

I know corporate is going to get me. I refused to back down and am on their list. I'm signing my death warrant posting this but it needs to be done. Goodbye."

Sleep apnea
/u/fLuFFLet0n [163cm | 51kg | 21 BMI | -37kg overall l]
Created: Mon Jul 23 03:40:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915nvi/sleep_apnea/
I have been vomiting more the past few days and I woke up the last two nights thinking I would suffocate. Is sleep apnea related to bulimia (or any other ED)?

[Rant/Rave] I had a nightmare that the big girl at work was working out like eighteen hours a day and got thinner than me.
Created: Mon Jul 23 03:35:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915n1o/i_had_a_nightmare_that_the_big_girl_at_work_was/
I feel so dumb for actually giving a shit about what other people weigh in comparison to me, lol. Ffs.

[Other] When a nosleep is a dream come true
Created: Mon Jul 23 02:47:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915ep6/when_a_nosleep_is_a_dream_come_true/

[Help] update on my manic mental health
/u/painxiety [5'5" | Water-Weight Princess | 23 F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 02:35:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915cqq/update_on_my_manic_mental_health/
hey it's me, ya boy.

still awake at 4:33am.
i ate 900 calories yesterday instead of 2000-3000. so at least i have that going for me.

i'm probably going to have to kill myself if i don't sleep. it's been six days. i don't know how to turn it off. i'm not suicidal. i just can't stop.

[Rant/Rave] Friendship ended with b/p, now restriction is my best friend
Created: Mon Jul 23 02:20:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915a84/friendship_ended_with_bp_now_restriction_is_my/

I’m gonna be skinny as fuck
Created: Mon Jul 23 01:18:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914zce/im_gonna_be_skinny_as_fuck/
I want to be hot so people can want me and I’m going to regret ALL of them . I want to feel powerful

[Rant/Rave] Whale spotted at Denny's
/u/lupinustexansis [5'7" | 121 | 19 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 01:06:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914x6k/whale_spotted_at_dennys/
So this actually happened a couple of days ago but I can't stop thinking about it.

Breakfast food is my weakness and I was minding my own business at Denny's when the fuCKING GENERAL MANAGER CAME UP TO ME and was like "oh hey! I recognize you, you've been here before!" Excuse me what?? Like I feel like I haven't even gone to this Denny's that often, like this was the first time this summer so the last time I could've possibly even been there was in April. :(

AND THEN he goes "oh is that all you're eating?" and I had to explain that while my fat ass was stuffing my face with some pancakes I actually had ordered a grand slam and my other 3 items/plates were already cleared away by my waitress. So I hurried up and left (but not before polishing off the pancakes) and went back home to all these chips and snacks and binge food I had gotten the night prior and have just been filling my gut since.

I guess I'm just in total disbelief that I actually eat so much at this Denny's and hate that they apparently recognize me on sight now:(

[Discussion] anyone else feel like this
Created: Mon Jul 23 00:57:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914vf0/anyone_else_feel_like_this/
I feel like I wanna be skinny because I’m ugly how I am currently, and losing a lot of weight is the only way to drastically change my appearance without plastic surgery lol.
I know it won’t make me pretty but at least I’ll be skinny & ugly rather than fat & ugly. To be brutally honest I see a lot of skinny girls get praise and attention just for being slim even if their face is pretty average and I’d rather be one of those than be fat.

[Goal] Adios!
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Mon Jul 23 00:49:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914u2k/adios/
Toodle-pip! I’m off to do fun science things with my life and to get better. Good luck y’all; I hope you all find what you’re searching for. Keep being wonderful❤️

Let's move to Finland
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:56:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914k09/lets_move_to_finland/

DEA flash themselves in the bathroom?
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:53:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914j8y/dea_flash_themselves_in_the_bathroom/
I wear chunky jumpers to hide my ~~disgusting shame~~ muffin top and everytime I go to the bathroom I pull up my jumper and inspect to make sure it hasn't gotten any bigger.

I know it's illogical...but I need to make sure I'm standing and sucking in in the correct way to make my ~~total lack of self control~~ muffin top look less prominent because winter can't last forever and eventually people will see me for what I really am.

[Rant/Rave] Rejection has sent my ed for a ride
/u/devred29 [5'8" | CW 207 | GW 130 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:45:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914hwz/rejection_has_sent_my_ed_for_a_ride/
So last night I got drunk with my friends and they convinced me to finally tell the guy I'd developed a thing for, that I had feelings for him. Well he shot that shit down real quick.

Now I've spent the entire day in a weird stage of trying to figure out if it's my weight that's the reason he doesn't like me. And like tbh how could it not be. I'm a fucking whale.

So I stress binged all day, being pissed off at myself for not losing the weight faster and for not actually trying harder. Now I'm dead set that I need to see my goal weight and I need to see it as quickly as possible. Looks like I'm going to be increasing my fasting duration and lowering the calories otherwise. And lets not forget the exercise that I now feel I absolutely need. The amount of cellulite I have makes me want to cut my thighs off.

I can't believe how quickly one guy managed to make fall back down the rabbit hole.

[Help] How to not feel the hunger pains?
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:44:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914hn0/how_to_not_feel_the_hunger_pains/
I just started restricting as a coping mechanism, I need control. I’ve been trying to eat less than 700 calories a day and I have been drinking tons of water to fill my stomach but I can’t stop feeling the hunger pains! And I’m almost always on the verge of fainting because I used to eat about 3000 calories a day and used to do crossfit and I’m pretty muscular-ish. Help!

[Rant/Rave] I hate how different people treat now they know I have an eating disorder
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:35:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914fr7/i_hate_how_different_people_treat_now_they_know_i/
I just need vent right now,so yesterday my own damn Reddit account outed me,and since then everyone has been really strange,my dad keeps checking on me 24/7 and my friends act really awkward around me now,not like they no longer want to be friends but they act like they feel bad,it makes me feel like my eating disorder is bringing everyone down and I feel so fucking guilty about it,my siblings are still assholes though,nothing new there,making matters worse today at dinner I was pressured into eating and midway through I had to leave the table so I wouldn't have to cry in front of everyone,hope none of you mind me whining.

[Rant/Rave] I hate how different people treat now they know I have an eating disorder
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:35:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914fqk/i_hate_how_different_people_treat_now_they_know_i/
I just need vent right now,so yesterday my own damn Reddit account outed me,and since then everyone has been really strange,my dad keeps checking on me 24/7 and my friends act really awkward around me now,not like they no longer want to be friends but they act like they feel bad,it makes me feel like my eating disorder is bringing everyone down and I feel so fucking guilty about it,my siblings are still assholes though,nothing new there,making matters worse today at dinner I was pressured into eating and midway through I had to leave the table so I wouldn't have to cry in front of everyone,hope none of you mind me whining.

[Other] Just shook
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:30:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914eob/just_shook/

Treatment makes me want to die
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 115 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:05:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9149s9/treatment_makes_me_want_to_die/
My life has basically been flushed down the toilet and I'm not any better, in fact I might even be worse than I was before.

I can't tell this to anyone IRL so I return to tell you friends over here.

I've been sick a real long time, ever since I was 11 and honestly I think I'm just one of those people who just never get better. No amount of talking or eating, or separating "ana" from myself will ever work. It all just sound like bullshit to me, but I have to try to go along with it or else I'm never going to get the hell out of fucking programs.

A year and a half ago it got really bad, and I had to get hospitalized, and then I had a bunch of doctors breathing down my neck and checking on me every week, but I still went back to the hospital 3 more times, and the last time I was there quite a while. So they sent me to fucking residential for 4 months. Hell in so many ways. Once you've got a sticker that says mental illness on your file it becomes impossible to have any physical issues so that was super frustrating. I'm still in PHP and they fucking extended my "sentence" through November! I was supposed to get out in August.


All because I lost 5 pounds.... and it wasn't even on purpose. I've been actually doing my god damn best to eat all that fucking mealplan that makes me wanna lowkey die. I had a severe allergic reaction and sorry if I can't eat when my tongue is too big to fit in my mouth or while I was in the emergency room getting an epi pen.

This post is way too long already but I think I'm going to kill myself... like actually if I don't get out in a week or two. It's not because I want to go back and restrict or whatever, I just want my fucking life back. I haven't seen any of my friends in 6 months, and I want a voice again. Not everything is sneaky and eating disordered. Now I've definately had severe depression before I went in treatment, but being there makes me feel like I'm not even a person and every time I try to argue or speak up, they take everything.

Nothing like getting a 3 hour time out with all activities taken away and not being allowed to talk to peers, not being allowed to go outside, or where showering at night is a privilage that must be earned. Made me so depressed I fucked up my arms and that just extended my sentence even more

a song that was made by a girl i know going through recovery. (LAST POST ABOUT MUSIC I SWEAR)
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 181 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Sun Jul 22 22:58:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91488g/a_song_that_was_made_by_a_girl_i_know_going/
psa: im so so sorry for spanning posts on this sub like 24/7 lol but some of u might remember i posted a few times about meeting up with the girl who was going through an ed. i mentioned it once but she's also made a lot of music about her ed and there's this one that rly resonates w me and i think it *might* for some of you too.

[if any of you are interested in checking it out, here it is!](https://open.spotify.com/user/61xxsyqmkrlbzt7v16eqc87hn/playlist/4tNGqGxvtne58XAzUa0Y44?si=h_XF6u52Sd2oZquEu3UQAw)

[and if spotify doesnt work heres the yt link lol

gonna try heading to sleep now but i hope yall have a lovely day/evening !! and hopefully dont mind the influx of music spam and spam in general lol. :/ :p <3

[Rant/Rave] Just broke a fast at 94 hrs and 10 minutes.
Created: Sun Jul 22 22:54:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91479m/just_broke_a_fast_at_94_hrs_and_10_minutes/
This is the longest I've gone, just a little over 3 and a half days. It was after 3 days of bingeing so I feel like things are in balance. Part of me wishes I'd waited it out to 100 but honestly I was getting dizzy and close to falling over despite using electrolytes and staying hydrated etc.

I'm excited about it but also I feel bad about fake-eating (though I'm proud of getting away with it, in a sick way) and really bad about throwing away a slushy I couldn't just save.

I lost 2lbs and it may have been water weight, it may have been a degree of fat, IDK. I'm satisfied with it even though a lot of me is screaming I could have gone longer and lost more and that eating has just guaranteed I will gain back 10lbs even tho, realistically, all I did was hit maintenance, probably. I didn't count a few things even tho I measured and overestimated the brownies.

That's it, too. My friend wanted to make brownies. He let me help and measure and let me use a muffin tin to measure portions better even though it took longer because of that. He knows I'm struggling right now and he's been supportive. I wanted to enjoy the brownies but I still needed to do this. I had a lot of anxiety attacks today and yesterday over food and I just needed this nice thing with a friend.

So yeah. Things are weird. I feel okay. I'm sure I'll panic about this later but for right now I don't feel guilty, I just feel full and the food was delicious and I'm hoping tomorrow I won't be as lethargic as I've been the past few days.

Do either of your parents have or appear to have ED symptoms?
/u/BearSaint [6' 2" | 190 | Male | LW 106 | Low BMI 14 | pro-recovery]
Created: Sun Jul 22 22:01:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913vvu/do_either_of_your_parents_have_or_appear_to_have/
I've never chatted with anyone about this but my father clearly had an ED when he was younger. Growing up he would constantly fat shame, constantly talk up very very thin people, and brag about how thin he was.

Then one of my brother's and myself ended up severely anorexic. Both of us recovered basically through ortho and realizing that it was better to turn that obsession to being very fit and doing iron mans. But the obsession is still there. Just bent.

And my anorexic wife? Her father was a body builder and personal trainer and constantly fat shames. He's also clearly a nut and logs everything into mfp, just as I do and my wife does. It's really just a normal thing to do here.

I've never really gotten to actually know a lot of other eating disordered people though. I guess when I was hospitalized a long time ago I met a lot of people but they didn't ever really talk about their parents ED. But my God some of the stories they have told me about their parents. Really harsh shit. That mostly lead me to believe that an ED is about control and safety, but then I think about my life, my little brothers life, and my wife's life and the common factor is one of our parents severely fat shamed and promoted thinness.

So how about you? What are your parents like? Do they fat shame? Do they promote thinness? Do you think they might have an ED as well?

[Rant/Rave] Body recomp, weight plateau
Created: Sun Jul 22 21:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913mkj/body_recomp_weight_plateau/
I'm so annoyed at my weight. I want to say I care about my measurements more but I just weighed myself at the gym after a long time and saw 108. Ran 5 miles on the treadmill after this. I'm so confused and I don't know what to do, I was doing alternate day fasting for a week and then restricting the following 2 weeks, and was expecting my weight to be lower than this?

I weighed in the evening but still, I hadn't eaten anything. I'm confused because my lowest weight was around 99lbs a few years ago and when I see pictures from then....I look smaller now than at 99lbs? I'm 5'3.5" btw. I'm thinking I was more skinny fat at 99lbs because I didn't have access to a gym. I know my measurements are smaller now than at 99lbs but my mind is just fucking with me and im dying.

Also, I havent been able to do any weightlifting because I usually do it with my boyfriend and hes out of town right now and im too anxious and dumb to do it by myself. So i've just been doing a lot of running and restricting and I have a real fear of becoming 'skinny fat' again. )':

Has anyone ever gone through this? Is it really body recomp? I dont lift every single day and I havent gone on a real ' bulk' so I dont know if I could have really put on that much muscle. ):

[Other] The McMuffin
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 21:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913kj3/the_mcmuffin/
Had a bad episode. Binged. Purged. McMuffin I ate 8 hours ago came up first in bite sized bits.

[Discussion] DAE Feel like they have to do a restart?
/u/nymphlotus [64in | 157 | 26.9 | -23lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Jul 22 20:40:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913dce/dae_feel_like_they_have_to_do_a_restart/
After bingeing or eating normally for however long, I feel like I have to do a reset.

I spent the last week or so over eating or eating at maintenance, and immediately put back on the 4 pounds I was so happy to have lost. I never feel like I can go from over/at maintenance straight to restricting. I feel like I have to do a fast and then start restricting. I also usually visit the store and stock up on safe foods and recipes, and clean anything old out of my kitchen. I just got off a 36 hour fast and did the whole in with the new put with the old thing

Does anyone else feel like they have to do this? Or can you just slip right back into restricting?

Snapchat group!
Created: Sun Jul 22 20:33:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913btf/snapchat_group/
Hi everyone! We have a snapchat group going and it's been really great :-) You can fit 32 people in a snap group and we have 26 rn so if six more people want to join it, DM me! Maybe if i get lots of DMs and comments I can even make another additional snap group! Thank you everyone who is participating, it has been such a positive addition to my day :)

Goodbye Post
/u/RatchetButtons [175 | 68? | BMI cow | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 20:26:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913a43/goodbye_post/
Hey my proED peeps,

I am deleting my account as I want to focus on recovering, I had it in my head once I hit GW then I would focus on being normal but although right now I am what I consider to be fat, I think I just have to let go of the fantasy that being skinny will solve all my problems. I want to have fun, I don't want to lose my friends, I want to be able to hold down a relationship and a job. I want my skin to be nice, I don't wan't the embarrassment of my weight constantly yo-yoing, I want my family to be proud of me. I just want to actually experience life.

I have to face the fact that I'm at an age where my looks are going to start fading sooner rather than later and I want to be more than the shell I currently am.

Calorie counting, restricting, binge eating, purging, drugs, alcohol, feeling sick, ashamed, tired, avoidant, ruining relationships and self hatred has been my life for 10 years. Why? So I can feel beautiful by hitting that GW, for it then to not be good enough, even then I'm still not good enough. I have gone through the cycle so many times and it hasn't made me feel any better about myself, only worse. I can't bare the thought of this being my life for another 10. I don't wan't to play victim anymore to this, victim of my own doing.

I just want to wish everyone on here the best and I honestly don't know how I would have coped the past few years (I've had other accounts) without the support of this community. Having an ED is a lonely thing, its soul crushing. Without this community I would have never gotten help for this as I thought I was alone in this for many years and ashamed of myself and my thoughts.

Thank-you guys for your kindness, humour and openness. Stay safe xx

Omg are too much wanna die
Created: Sun Jul 22 20:24:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9139i9/omg_are_too_much_wanna_die/
Ugh it’s my first (shit)post here but need to put in writing how much I wanna die. Made homemade stir fry and then cookies and I ate so much of both of them I’m so full I could probably make myself vomit by just thinking of how gross I am. FUCKING STAB ME~

Also I’ve been lurking awhile and you guys seem like the sweetest community like, ever.

[Discussion] Case report: AN + Alcoholism leads to brain damage
Created: Sun Jul 22 20:19:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9138hh/case_report_an_alcoholism_leads_to_brain_damage/

[Discussion] DAE want to be thin just because weight doesn't suit your body type?
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 113| LW: 110 |HW: 134|UGW: 105|19F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 19:50:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9131c7/dae_want_to_be_thin_just_because_weight_doesnt/
personally? i really, really like the slim thick hourglass look. thick thighs, nice butt with a big bust and a toned, tiny waist is super hot on other people, but i absolutely do not have that body type. i have zero curves, AA cup tits and really noticeable violin hips. if i let myself go my stomach pokes out farther than my breasts and it's soooo bad looking. i pretty much have to have a waifish figure to accommodate for my weird body type. of course, i also want to be thin because i have a terrible disorder and i'm terrified of food but that's not the only reason, yknow?

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] I'm feeling a little ignored
/u/sadbean17 [158 | 57.8kg | 24 | 18F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 19:30:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912wk5/rantrave_im_feeling_a_little_ignored/
So basically, I fasted for about 3 days until my boyfriend was like "hold up, I think you need some help, you haven't eaten in three days" I had gotten pretty sick, so I decided to eat the next day, and I think by letting him see me eat he thinks I'm fine now? But I continued to fast for another 3 days after that and he hasn't noticed at all, and it's not like I want him to stop me, I just thought he'd notice more or something, or show some concern. Idk, maybe it's unfair of me to be this way, I just feel a bit sad about it idk

Calorie tracking apps that are more neutral about weight?
Created: Sun Jul 22 19:27:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912vst/calorie_tracking_apps_that_are_more_neutral_about/
I'm trying to recover so I stopped counting calories as recommended by my program but now I'm getting serious about some fitness goals so tracking even vaguely will help to ensure I'm not undereating. My weight is at the lowest end anyway and even with severe dysmorphia I can have non-hazy moments of totally knowing that. So any app recommendations that aren't like mfp or lose it? I know it's how you use the apps that makes the impact but really I'm just searching for some fresh tracking app?

Daddy long neck?
Created: Sun Jul 22 19:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912sph/daddy_long_neck/
Anyone heard of or seen this guy? All the comments in his vids/posts are making me feel some sort of way. I won't link, but he will come up on a search.

What is food is your weakness?
Created: Sun Jul 22 19:02:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912q38/what_is_food_is_your_weakness/
For me it’s fried chicken, pizza, Taco Bell, BREAD, Oreos, and Kraft Mac n cheese. If any of these are around me I will no doubt devour it. I’m on my period so I’m extra hungry and craving EVERYTHING right now.

I know it's not what Chance meant...
Created: Sun Jul 22 18:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912nyn/i_know_its_not_what_chance_meant/
But "my ex ugly / I don't eat so she can't get no lunch with me" is my new motto

[Rant/Rave] i'm failing my disorder.
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 125 | 18.08 bmi | gw: 110 | 18f]
Created: Sun Jul 22 18:48:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912mla/im_failing_my_disorder/
the past three days i haven't been counting calories as much. like, not maticulously. i did never go over 800, but i just ate a small meal and drank the rest of the calories and i keep forgetting how much i consume, even though i know that two eggs, an apple, a glass of wine and three shots of tequila will not make me fat. i feel so guilty and i'm losing so slowly.. and i feel so fucking awful about it.

[Rant/Rave] Friends made me eat the pasta, and then some. Also 24 hours until my (maybe???) departure
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sun Jul 22 18:32:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912irt/friends_made_me_eat_the_pasta_and_then_some_also/
It was traumatising. Pasta and pesto, NO VEGETABLES, I feel unclean. I am so ashamed.

Not only that, but they then asked how many calories below 2000 I was - after a bit of overestimation and adding fear calories I was still 700 below (excluding 3.5 hours of hotel housekeeping, and a 3km run). These friends went to my room, got two HUGE calorie dense flapjack/fruit bars and made me eat them.

I imagine this is what being residential is like. End me.

Also, 24 hours till I maybe leave. Though I’m contemplating not because y’all get me and my fears and struggles. Okay it’s 1.30am I need bed

[Help] Recovered from my ED, but I feel like all the urges are coming back.
Created: Sun Jul 22 18:14:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912eer/recovered_from_my_ed_but_i_feel_like_all_the/
this is my first time posting on anything like this so be gentle with me. i have a long history with not eating, the ABC diet (that’s what it was called when i was in high school, i don’t know another name for it), and purging. my body used to naturally go through periods of being able to not eat for days to eating at least 3,000 calories a day. these phases would switch off every six months or so. i’m currently in the 3,000 calorie phase and the thought of food makes me physically sick. i can’t look in the mirror for too long without wanting to vomit. i live with my boyfriend of seven years, who has seen me with and without an ED. he knows all my tricks and excuses, so i can’t go back to my old ways, but holy shit i’d love nothing more than to throw up everything in my stomach right now. i’m the heaviest i’ve ever been. i wish i was 115 again.

[Discussion] I’m scared for university
Created: Sun Jul 22 17:55:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9129lo/im_scared_for_university/
So I’m about to go off to university, and its a big change for me (going to school very far away from home), and I feel as though I have nobody to talk to or vent to about my disorder. I mean, I’ve met a great group of people at my university who I consider friends, and I really want to tell them about my disorder, even just so that they know that i have a problem/have had problems in the past, if nothing else. At the same time, though, I’m afraid that telling them will screw things up, if that makes any sense. I’ve been known as, “the weird girl,” in my hometown since I was about eight or nine years old, and I feel as though I’ve finally broken free of that label in university, and I don’t want to go back to that, but at the same time, I’d kill for a friend to vent to every now and then. Any advice? Sorry if this was incoherent!

Restricting but still gaining?
Created: Sun Jul 22 17:50:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9128k3/restricting_but_still_gaining/
WTF I’m sick of this. I don’t even know where to go from here. Restrict more? I barely eat and I’m still gaining weight. I’m so fat, and just want to be thin. Honestly fuck this life I’m so tired of it

Created: Sun Jul 22 17:44:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91275x/advice/
So I’m about to go off to university, and its a big change for me (going to school very far away from home), and I feel as though I have nobody to talk to or vent to about my disorder. I mean, I’ve met a great group of people at my university who I consider friends, and I really want to tell them about my disorder, even just so that they know that i have a problem/have had problems in the past, if nothing else. At the same time, though, I’m afraid that telling them will screw things up, if that makes any sense. I’ve been known as, “the weird girl,” in my hometown since I was about eight or nine years old, and I feel as though I’ve finally broken free of that label in university, and I don’t want to go back to that, but at the same time, I’d kill for a friend to vent to every now and then. Any advice? Sorry if this was incoherent!

Does purging actually get rid of calories? How long after you eat do you need to purge? (Do calories actually absorb within 30 minutes)
Created: Sun Jul 22 17:15:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911zpa/does_purging_actually_get_rid_of_calories_how/
I haven't purged since I was 16 but I remember never losing weight, but as soon as I "recovered" I gained 20 pounds

I haven't ate and I really really want some pizza but I'm afraid of all the calories

I've been told it gets rid of half or that it doesn't get rid of any. So what's the truth?

[Discussion] Anyone else who started off as a higher BMI get screwed by loose skin/plenty of fat even when at a healthy BMI?
/u/Arionai [5'7 | CW: 140 | HW: 250 | -110lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 17:09:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911y9m/anyone_else_who_started_off_as_a_higher_bmi_get/
Hi. Due to the fact I've lost weight fairly quickly, my body has been left a bit saggy and grim. I still have a LOT of fat left on me (this isn't body dysmorphia, I legitimately have rolls of fat and it hangs off of me), even though I'm a "healthy weight", and it feels like I just need to keep going lower and lower. Lots of people have suggested eating more and going to the gym, but I struggle with the idea of eating more, and if I go to the gym it'd probably be dangerous right now with my fucked-up heart.

Basically, yes, I've lost a lot of weight, but I don't *look* like other people do who are the same stats. I have so much flab. I have loose fat. I'm assuming this is a by-product of restricting so hard and for so long (7 months without a full on binge, although by god I want to).

Did anyone else have this issue? Were you able to correct it? Does it get better as the weight drops, or even if I was a BMI of 17, am I going to still see the same?

[Discussion] DAE think that MFP encourages disordered eating?
Created: Sun Jul 22 16:51:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911tnp/dae_think_that_mfp_encourages_disordered_eating/
When my orthorexia was at its worst, I broke down nearly crying because I couldn’t accurately track the macronutrients of meals that I didn’t prepare. Even estimating calorie counts caused anxiousness.

MFP doesn’t teach healthy habits. It trains people to work around their unhealthy habits. It teaches them it’s “healthy” to eat only pizza and chips as long as they’re under their TDEE. Eat 1,500 calories of ice cream and booze? My TDEE is 1,800 so I’ll still lose weight and that’s all that matters.

A lot of people on /r/loseit have this issue. As soon as they stop rigorously tracking their calories, they pack on the pounds.

MFP is a crutch, not a cure.

MFP also enabled and encouraged my orthorexia and restriction significantly. Since I’ve stopped using MFP to stay at 1,200 calories or fewer, my orthorexia, binge eating, and restriction are much more under control. (Exercise purging, otoh...)

[Other] Ok so I really need this gadget in my life
/u/Hielier [175,5cm | GW1: 59kg | GW2: 54kg | UGW: 49kg]
Created: Sun Jul 22 16:20:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911lje/ok_so_i_really_need_this_gadget_in_my_life/
Omg, I think that just by looking on how the calories go up as I add food my intake would definitely drop. Shame it's so expensive :(

[Rant/Rave] I can’t accept my size so I keep buying stuff that’s too big..then I’m mad bc it’s baggy and it makes me look fat :/
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 16:19:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911lcv/i_cant_accept_my_size_so_i_keep_buying_stuff/

Low cal sweets in germany
/u/DesperateViolet [169 cm | SW 111kg | CW 75kg| GW 55kg | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 16:14:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911jtm/low_cal_sweets_in_germany/
You american guys have so much low cal sweets, bonbons, gums and whatever, like the other post about caffeine gums tight now. I am, indeed, fucking jealous.

Please. Can anyone tell me we're to find low cal sweets in germany? Or something to order from Amazon which doesn't costs me half a soul to ship?

Is there a masterpost?

[Help] Remind me why I shouldn’t start purging
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7"| CW 171.8 | 26.9|-23.2| F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 16:05:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911hj9/remind_me_why_i_shouldnt_start_purging/
I have been thinking about purging for a while now. I’ve been primarily restricting, some exercise purging.

I just finished dinner and ate more than I intended. I feel horrible and sweaty and want to get rid of it. But I know me, and I know if I start, it will become a thing for me. Can someone remind me of all the reasons it’s a terrible idea?

[Other] Have you ever looked at your measurements, off your body?
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:58:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911fid/have_you_ever_looked_at_your_measurements_off/
I just took some measurements because I was looking in the mirror wondering why my arms looks so freaking fat at the top. I measured the biggest part of my upper arm and it measured 9”.

I decided to look at 9” just using the measuring tape held in a circle, if you know what I mean? And it just looked so much smaller than my 9” arm? So I did it with the rest of my body and everything looks so small when the measuring tape is off my body, but my body doesn’t even look small in the mirror!!

Has anyone done this? It’s quite weird.

[Rant/Rave] Hit the absolute ultimate weight loss goal - got a boyfriend
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:52:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911dxm/hit_the_absolute_ultimate_weight_loss_goal_got_a/
And my ED has never been worse!!
I binged because no one loved me, I started restricting because I realised no one would ever start loving me looking like that. As pathetic as this is going to sound, I just want love. I want to be loved. This was the whole point of this torture. To get someone to love me.

I whinged about guys only wanting to sleep with me and not actually date me. Well the last one turned out to want me. I told him I can’t just sleep with him. He held my hand as he told me that of course he gets I can’t get involved without the feelings. And he asked me to be his girlfriend.

He told me I’m beautiful inside and out.
And attractive.
Cleared out a shelf for me in his bathroom.
Got me a draw for my clothes.
Introduced me to his friends.
Told his parents about me!!

I’m in love. And so scared. And it triggers me so much that I went back to binging. I binge every time before seeing him. And then afterwards.

I feel like I just can’t accept it. That he actually wants me for me. It’s like I’m waiting for him to change his mind. And I comfort myself with binging. Last time I said that I was going to see you all in 30lbs. Now its 40 maybe??

I have to focus. Go back to restricting. Keep myself sane. Stop eating till I feel sick. Overflowing bowls of cereals. Pizza. Fuck that.

It was always about finding love. Now I found it and realised that it was actually always just about the number. I have to get skinnier to prove myself that I can do it. To be absolutely sure that I never go back to being obese. To finally be happy.
He is all I ever wanted and I think that I’ve never actually felt worse in my life. He made so happy and so crazy at the same time.

And the sad thing is that he is the one. I’m so sure of it. And I can’t enjoy it because of all the binge eating.

Eating everything or nothing.


I can do it and I will. I have to.

I think hitting that number is the only way to ever become happy. Then I’ll have everything. It has to be.

[Discussion] What do you think of chewing and spitting?
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:42:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911bh9/what_do_you_think_of_chewing_and_spitting/
Do you think it’s a good method to not have calories? Have you done it? I’m just curious as to what you all think.

[Discussion] Does anyone else have issues with hands?
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911a3o/does_anyone_else_have_issues_with_hands/
I know a lot of people have body issues with their stomach and thighs or upper arms a lot, I get that too, but the worst for me is my hands, they looks so short and fat and I feel like I can barley see my knuckles. They look like children’s hands and I can’t stand it. I’ve compared them to rat hands when talking to people before and they never understand what I mean because apparently they look relatively normal to everyone else but they look, so chubby to me? Anyone else have this? Or issues with other less discussed body parts?

I won’t eat something a morbidly obese person eats...
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:35:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9119gv/i_wont_eat_something_a_morbidly_obese_person_eats/
I’ve lost way too much weight the last three months, and this month I was brought to the ER for not eating enough. The other day my best friend was showing me recipes on YouTube to see what I would feel comfortable eating. It gave me such bad anxiety watching obese people cook. The person on YouTube was such a nice person and so sweet it makes me feel like the shittiest person alive. When did this eating disorder turn me into an asshole :(

[Other] No binge week!
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | CW: 64kg| GW: 58kg | UGW: 50kg | LW:56kg | 25F ]
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:24:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9116pv/no_binge_week/
Let's do this, stick to your calorie deficit all week :) All month is too long for me, so I'm gonna go week by week :)

Throw your hat in the ring! NO BINGE WEEK! <3

[Rant/Rave] I am my own worst enemy
/u/2worried2care [5'6" | CW 125 lb | BMI 20.2 | 26F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:13:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9113q7/i_am_my_own_worst_enemy/
I went grocery shopping with my friend and I was talking about how I want to eat more protein because I feel like I never eat enough. Last week, I finally ran out of Peanut Butter, which I was secretly relieved about because I can never just eat one spoonful of it. So why today did I buy a whole new big jar of PB?? And Soy milk, which has 100 cals per cup, so I’m definitely just going to end up throwing it out.

When I’m grocery shopping I always have these great ideas that I’m going to be so fit and healthy and then I look at what I bought and realize I don’t deserve to eat any of that.

My friends always tell me to eat more but never finish their own food.
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 113.7 | GW 101 | WL 4 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9112nw/my_friends_always_tell_me_to_eat_more_but_never/
Does anyone else experience this? It always happens, at least with the so-called friends I have. I like to order the amount I'm going to eat, which is generally small, or a side. That way I save money and I'm not tempted to pick at more than I want.
Today I went to brunch, and I ordered the side of potatoes. And of course I get the, 'That's all?' I'm like, yeah, I'm not that hungry.
They all order the big farm breakfast.
I go to the bathroom and I get back, and there's like a bowl of guacamole and chips at my plate with my potatoes.
I'm like what...
They're like, we know you're vegan, and since potatoes were the only thing on the menu we found out they also have guacamole, and got you some.
I'm like okay, thanks...??
Like, what the hell. Now not only do I have to pay extra for this, but avoid it.
And here's the kicker... I finished my potatoes and the rest of them barely touched their meals. Like they're 'concerned' about me, but just because you order more doesn't make YOU healthy.
Like, this is why people have to hide their eating habits, because of shady bitches. I don't get why people do this. I don't care they didn't finish, it's not my business. But apparently my consumption is theirs.

[Tip] Because electrolytes are life - $20 because no calories >
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 14:57:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910zbr/because_electrolytes_are_life_20_because_no/

[Rant/Rave] Boobs, self image, and EDs
/u/prettypuzzlepieces [5'4" | 179 | 30.8 | -29 lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Jul 22 14:30:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910rxm/boobs_self_image_and_eds/
Do anyone else's boobs trigger BDD like crazy? Lately I've only been able to stand the way I look if I wear a really tight sports bra or minimizing bra. I am comfortable as a cis woman, but my breasts just make me feel so fat and ugly.

I've always been... er... chesty, since I was really young, and it's often been a source of major self consciousness for me. Clothes that look pretty and classy on smaller chested ladies make me look like a hooker. I was teased relentlessly in middle school, and even though that was half a lifetime ago now, I don't think that shame has ever really gone away. Plus i'm short waisted and apple shaped anyway, so I feel like my boobs make me look round af. I would love to get a reduction, but my husband would be heartbroken, hah. I feel like if I lose enough weight then maybe they'll go away on their own.

Does anyone else have BDD exacerbated by their breasts in whatever way? Or does anyone else just wanna bitch about their boobs? I'm really down on myself today and need a little solidarity, hah.

[Other] Things I've Noticed - LW
Created: Sun Jul 22 14:27:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910r3p/things_ive_noticed_lw/
I've reached 90lbs as of today. (24 year old, 5'2 female) I reached this LW once before and then gained again after bingeing. However, I took the time last night to actually thoroughly body-check. Here are some things I've noticed, maybe some of you can relate/understand. I have positive and negative feelings towards certain aspects of what I see.

Positives: my thigh gap is my favorite part about myself right now, although it could be bigger... my collar bones stick out more (but I have a small bone structure so they never stuck out at all when I was at a BMI of 20. Shoulder bones are becoming more prominent, and so is my spine (if I bend over I can see my ribs through my back through a shirt which I LOVE) And my upper arms are WAY smaller/delicate looking.

Negatives: Because I have a short torso and am shorter in general, my ribs don't really stick out in the front as much as I'd prefer. They're barely visible and my BMI is now 16.. My tummy is flatter, but still I feel it is pudgy. Also, my chest bones are barely visible as well (I'm assuming because of my small bone structure??)

I just felt like sharing this with you guys, idk I'm kinda proud of myself for once.

[Other] made a spotify playlist with songs that i've related to my ed :)
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 181 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Sun Jul 22 14:00:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910jr4/made_a_spotify_playlist_with_songs_that_ive/
[here it is if anyone's interested !!](https://open.spotify.com/user/61xxsyqmkrlbzt7v16eqc87hn/playlist/4tNGqGxvtne58XAzUa0Y44?si=gLB-SxBAQhiE7gnmOiqn5w)

i was inspired by a few posts as of lately to make this. there was one user who recommended one of the songs i have on there called "smaller" by hayley gene penner and another user who asked if anyone had songs they listened to when feeling down. feel free to leave any recs below ! regardless of whether or not you listen, i've found that music has been super a super cathartic outlet i can use in place of binging/purging for whenever i feel super bad. whether or not it's music, hopefully you guys have some form of distraction that works for you.

love you all! <3

[Rant/Rave] a vent about my illogical disordered thoughts
/u/AgreeableReplacement [22F🍒5'8🍒~100lbs]
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:56:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910in6/a_vent_about_my_illogical_disordered_thoughts/
so ive been trying my best to go about things in a healthier way because ive been in a deficit every day for months. i feel and look like shit yet i still feel the need to lose more weight. however i have a day job on top of going to uni full time so i need to be able to function. i've managed to up my cals to \~1200 a day and limit exercise to 60ish minutes of walking. a more recent goal has been ordering out with my SO every sunday without compensating for the extra cals with more restriction or exercise. this brings my intake up to maintenance which, logically speaking, is a good idea for my overall health, energy and metabolism. that doesn't stop my stupid fucking ED brain from trying to convince me that a maintenance day once a week is somehow waay too often and that it'll slow my weight loss significantly.

i just want to enjoy my god damn burger without these nagging thoughts :/

[Help] weekly calorie tracking
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:56:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910il8/weekly_calorie_tracking/
i’ve discovered that daily calorie tracking makes me panicky and i remembered that someone i used to know went by the weekly instead. like they could only eat 3500 cals a week(unhealthy goal i’m aware, wont be doing that), so if they ate 700 one day they’d have 2800 left for the week, if they ate 300 the next day they have 2500 left, etc. but is there an app for that(ios)? or should i manually track it in a journal?

I just purged for the first time
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:33:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910cgp/i_just_purged_for_the_first_time/
I'm a twenty-something male and I just purged for the first time. Work has been crazy lately and I haven't been able/had the energy to make it to the gym. I felt like I had eaten too much today, and gotten a bit drunk, so I drank 3L of water until my stomach was bursting... And then I purged. I feel great and I'm so happy!!

does anyone live in houston texas?
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:33:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910cax/does_anyone_live_in_houston_texas/
i’m lookig for treatment for a doctor or clinic that specializes in eating disorders.. any recommendations?

[Help] Going on a cruise in a few months
/u/leftshoelauren [5'3"F | SW 185 | CW 161 | GW 110 | 🍑 tinyren]
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:28:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910b6k/going_on_a_cruise_in_a_few_months/
Okay so I'm going on a cruise in February with my mom and dad (abusive brother who calls me fat and ugly every time I see him was not invited lol) and I'm already bugging about the food

This is my first cruise, and I'm pretty nervous about it. My parents have been talking about how "all you do is eat all day! We gained 10 pounds when we came back! It's paradise!!!" and I'm literally trying to not cry at the thought.

I'm an adult, I've dealt with this ED in almost every capacity, but the idea of being *at sea* with my *obese parents* where the only activity is gorging on an insane amount of free food sounds like the final boss of my ED lol.

I don't know if it makes a difference- but we'll be on the Carnival Vista Cruise ship and I want to be excited about traveling and going to beaches and being on the boat but the food situation has me freaking out 7 months in advance.

Any advice to mitigate the anxiety on a cruise would be welcome, it's my first time doing a cruise so I don't really know how this works. Thanks!

[Help] I keep on creating new weight loss goals after i reach one
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:24:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9109z7/i_keep_on_creating_new_weight_loss_goals_after_i/
How do I stop? Someone give me a good reason to stop.

[Help] Recommended multivitamins/supplements?
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:18:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91084i/recommended_multivitaminssupplements/
Hello! I’m wondering what kind of multivitamins you would suggest for someone’s who vegetarian and restricting? Im honestly so clueless about what I need to take in general so I would love to hear what y’all suggest. Thank you so much!

I was on such a good track of not eating yesterday and I had to fucking eat.
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:04:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910492/i_was_on_such_a_good_track_of_not_eating/
I had a veggie burger and corn which totaled to 500 calories,
400 fucking calories. I was on such a good track, I wasn't eating and then after I worked out I got Gatorade and that spiraled into me eating a fucking veggie burger.

My roommate went on a trip and every time she comes back she brings home food or takes me out to eat and I know I have 0 will power so I'll eat it or pick at it because I'll feel bad. If she brings me out to eat that's even worse because I'll have to order some calorie dense food because that's all they fucking have.
I wish purging got rid of all the food but it doesn't.

I'm so fucking hungry but I can't eat. God I would kill for some chicken and hot sauce now, but that will be a bitch to purge up.

Has anyone else given up hope on having a positive relationship with food?
Created: Sun Jul 22 12:55:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9101ok/has_anyone_else_given_up_hope_on_having_a/
I cannot see myself eating normally and not obsessing over calories or my weight. At this point my self esteem is negative because I don't know how to be normal.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like a bad person
Created: Sun Jul 22 12:22:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zt08/i_feel_like_a_bad_person/
I did a bad thing on Thursday. I purged for the first time. I felt really good afterwards, I was really happy that I succeeded, and I stopped feeling sick! Next day I woke up, still felt good. I had some broken capillaries around my eyes which I was a little nervous about, but my friend who also purges didn't notice, so that worked out well.

Then Saturday, I hung out with a couple of friends that know, and I just feel like I was dying. I feel so guilty that I don't feel guilty. I feel like such a bad person. I'm letting down my friends who care so much about me, even though I haven't told them...

I'm doing okay now, which makes me feel a little better, but I'm definitely going to do it again. And I just feel like such a shitty person for that. I'm not sure what to do about it.

I just needed to tell someone.

[Discussion] DAE actually hate feeling faint?
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Sun Jul 22 12:22:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zsye/dae_actually_hate_feeling_faint/
i cannot for the life of me understand how some people get a ‘high’ off feeling faint. ever since i almost fainted in a gym shower i have been sooo cautious about hydrating my body, eating enough etc. i’ve done several 2-4 day fasts and luckily i don’t ever really feel faint if i’m drinking enough water, but lord help me when i do feel even a slight bit of dizziness i will be shoving a quest bar down my throat within like a minute lmao

[Rant/Rave] Kinda thought this girl on Tinder also had an ED but now I think not
/u/kernalmustache [5'7" ♀ | CW 100lbs | BMI 15.9 | SW 130lbs]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zmeo/kinda_thought_this_girl_on_tinder_also_had_an_ed/
So randomly shortly after we match she brought up her weight like out of nowhere and what she said kinda made me wonder if maybe she also has an ED, but just now I mentioned something about grabbing on to my hipbones for support while carrying something heavy and she said that's too thin if I can do that so now I'm thinking that she probably doesn't have one. At least there's no way I could make things any more awkward after all the porn she's sent me

[Help] alternate day liquid fasting?
/u/steamedbun_27 [165cm | CW: 66.1kg / GW: 50kg | idk | -27kg | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zjd1/alternate_day_liquid_fasting/
Hi guys. Anyone had experience w alternate day liquid fasting? On days when I consume only liquids I plan to just drink coffee w/ coconut oil + broth and water so it’s like less than 500 cals. Anyone had experience with this before or anything I should look out for?

Created: Sun Jul 22 11:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zgyv/buttonszippers/
Hi everyone! I wanted to know if anyone else out there in the ED community ever felt a great sense of accomplishment when putting on an article of clothing without unbuttoning/unzipping/undoing it? Inversely, does anyone else get upset about having to undo clothing?

What’s the most creative excuse you’ve made to not eat with people?
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:39:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zgw8/whats_the_most_creative_excuse_youve_made_to_not/
Besides regular things such as “I had a big lunch”, “I’m not feeling well”, and “I’m not hungry”, what are some other excuses you’ve made to not eat when people are being especially pushy?

[Help] i’m on vacation and i’m trying not to think about how fat i am
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5’8”| CW: idk on purpose| BMI: obese |20F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zgd4/im_on_vacation_and_im_trying_not_to_think_about/
so my family booked a cruise for us and coincidentally i decided to move out of their house into my new apartment basically a week after we get back. needless to say, i’m stressed and ive been binging at all the food the cruise has since i got on the ship.

i’m eating at the buffet every single day and as much as i enjoy it, that little voice telling me that i am a huge fat disgusting mess, she’s there and she’s already planning a 24 hour fast when i get back home, with high restriction for the week i’m home before i move. i hate her but i know she’s right. i am fat and i am overweight and obese and huge and everyone can see it and see how gross and bulbous my body is. everyone can see and i wish i could just be small.

i want to enjoy the food and enjoy my vacation and gain a few pounds by eating junk on a boat for a week. i want to be lazy and rest and relax and enjoy my time here. but all i can think about is all the progress i’m losing by doing that. and how fat i’ve gotten since we left home. and how difficult it’s going to be when i get back. i even binged and purged for a day when i realized how gross i was being.

i guess i just feel like everyone is watching me stuff myself and i feel fat and gross and i just want to go home and move away so no one is breathing down my neck about what i’m eating or if i’m eating.

tldr: on a cruise right now, been binging because i’m trying not to care about my ed or losing weight. newsflash: that isn’t working and i feel fatter than ever.

[Help] Senna vs ducolax?
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zf03/senna_vs_ducolax/
Sorry guys, I need to talk laxatives. Let me preface by saying I use them MAYBE once a month and only if I absolutely need to because generally I only have super bad binges that frequently....but today I went and bought ducolax and stood in the aisle with it in one hand and senna in the other and had no idea what the difference was in terms of effectiveness etc. Does anyone have experience with this?

[Discussion] God bless rainy day restriction
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:29:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ze2p/god_bless_rainy_day_restriction/
I just feel like it’s so much easier to restrict on beautiful rainy days and I feel so delicate and happy. Does anyone else know what I mean?This probably makes no sense - it hasn’t rained here in so long, it’s always sunny and warm which I love but it also means I feel like I need to be doing things. Usually that involves patio drinks and beach trips and dinner with friends etc and doing things makes me hungry. Today is rainy and dark and I’m wrapped up in a blanket studying for university exam week and just crushing tea after tea and not craving anything at all except more tea and maybe a nice poop but you can’t have everything I guess ~

[Discussion] God bless rainy day restriction
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:28:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zdrt/god_bless_rainy_day_restriction/

[Other] An ironic twist
/u/DonDrapersAlcoholism [5'6'' | 105 | F | goal: <100]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:07:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90z88f/an_ironic_twist/
I ended up purging tonight after having a pretty good few weeks (another story) but the thing is, I'm currently travelling in a country with unsafe tap water (ie best avoid brushing your teeth with it, lest you bring the wrath of the gastrointestinal gods down upon you). Anything you'd normally do with tap water at home, if it's going anywhere near your mouth, you use bottled or boiled.
Anyway, I was bopping away, mid vom, rinsing my hands and mouth with bottled water when it hit me - I was rinsing with clean water, because I did not want to accidentally drink any tap water, because it might give me gastroenteritis, which would make me vom.
One must appreciate the small things

Amazon Appetite Suppressants that actually work? I can’t take EC stacks.
/u/chrysanthemym [5"4' | CW: 140lbs | GW: 115lbs | Female ]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:02:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90z6mk/amazon_appetite_suppressants_that_actually_work_i/
Does anyone know of any appetite suppressants on Amazon that actually work? I can’t take EC stacks because it seriously messes with my anxiety.

[Rant/Rave] Why am I binging on food that doesn’t even taste good
Created: Sun Jul 22 10:56:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90z53j/why_am_i_binging_on_food_that_doesnt_even_taste/
I know we’ve all been there, grab one biscuit and say ‘I’ll just have this one’ and before you know it you’ve shoved 15 in your mouth before you’ve even sat back down.

Here I am now, sat on the sofa shoving the fourth cookie in my mouth that I don’t even want, that doesn’t even taste nice and I’m sure it won’t stop with these cookies.

Earlier I posted in a different sub that I had been binge free for 5 days and I was feeling so good about it, but *whoopsie*.

I feel like the only way to stop myself bingeing is to just have none of the foods I binge on in the house. It’s so hard though because the foods I don’t want in the house are the foods my boyfriend loves and I don’t want to tell him he can’t have them just because I can’t control myself.

Speaking of self control, the other day my friend confronted me after I ate some junk food and said ‘I thought you were meant to be eating healthy’ I tried to explain to her that sometimes it honestly feels out of my control, like it’s a different person doing it. She said to me ‘I think you need to have some better self control.’

I know she didn’t mean it to hurt me but it did.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this post, I think I just needed to have a little vent and write some things down.

Stay strong, friendos.

Same behaviours, different age
Created: Sun Jul 22 10:38:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90z06d/same_behaviours_different_age/
I finally have to admit that I'm back. Back in Ed-town that is. Left clinic in 2013, recovered. Finished my A-levels, moved abroad, gained a ton of weight, got my BSc and MSc, always the top of my class, always positive - an inspiration for all. Started my PhD end of last year - imposter syndrome in full force. If I can't be the best PhD student, at least I can be the skinniest.
So instead of hanging out with my friends, I've stopped eating and am living off the calories in my diet G&T. Funny how I still know all my old excuses and tricks. Anybody else gone through several years being recovered and then relapsed?

[Help] Estimating calories help
Created: Sun Jul 22 10:30:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yy6c/estimating_calories_help/
How many calories do you think are in 14 tortilla chips? They’re from a Mexican restaurant I estimated 200 to be safe but was just curious if it’s even more than that or not

[Discussion] Anyone here use this gum? I got these for when I’m going to restrict a lot and need to exercise.
Created: Sun Jul 22 10:30:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yy3c/anyone_here_use_this_gum_i_got_these_for_when_im/

Just a short sad rant
Created: Sun Jul 22 10:01:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yqk1/just_a_short_sad_rant/
I relocated 2 months ago and I am really struggling with binge eating (I'm talking 3000-4000 calories a day for the last 3 weeks) and I'm out of hope. My ED is absolutely out of control and I don't know what to do.

[Help] Doctor Appointment: Fear of hospitalisation
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:57:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ypev/doctor_appointment_fear_of_hospitalisation/
I haven’t seen my doctor in so long but because I’m at my lowest and the negative effects are only growing, I figured I should at least call and request to get some tests done so I can be given a better idea as to how far the problem is (on a physical level).

My fear?
That they’ll notice my weight and with me requesting these tests (such as blood to check for certain levels due to my problems I’ve been having), I’ll be hospitalised/thrown inpatient.. Especially if they do conduct the tests and the results are bad enough for them to make that decision.

I need help. As in, how do you go about this problem and making these appointments to see them (and even if they don’t know about your ED) but with the fear that you’ll be hospitalised? What were your experiences? Thanks.

diet drinks???? 🥤
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:53:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yob4/diet_drinks/
what are some good diet drinks other than diet coke? i have had so much diet coke in the past year and a half; i need to step up my game.

[Rant/Rave] Is anyone else SUPER pear shaped?
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:48:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yn33/is_anyone_else_super_pear_shaped/
I feel like all my weight is concentrated in my lower stomach and thighs!! I have NO boobs (which is pretty convenient tbh), noodle-y arms, and my BMI is pretty normal like ~18.1-18.2 I think. But my legs just. won’t. lose. I even have a small thigh gap but still look round??? Idek anymore. Pls commiserate with me, my fellow pears/if you know of any good exercises lmk 🍐 💚

DAE actually love cooking?
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:41:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ylbm/dae_actually_love_cooking/
I cook 3 meals plus a day plus snacks for my husband. Yet I only eat maybe once a day. I feel like a contradiction that I spend so much time in the kitchen cooking, planning recipes, looking up idea on pinterest etc. when I barely eat anything, and I don't even eat anything I make for my husband. But I still love cooking and food despite not having any.

[Rant/Rave] Wow I'm a drunkorexic
/u/climbupme [5'3" | 148 | 25.6 | 6lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:23:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ygth/wow_im_a_drunkorexic/
A rant from yours truly (who hasn't been here in months but hi again!!)

I've noticed recently how much I like alcohol. Not in the "I'm a teenager I like to party" but more like "The only activity I find fun is drinking and I'm willing to sacrifice health for it". Even when I'm restricting, I won't allow myself to eat more but as soon as someone offers me a glass of wine, a drink or a nice beer I just go for it. I don't even feel guilty.

There have also been multiple times where I've had a small amount of food that day and then I knowingly go out to drink because I'll get that buzz quicker. And I won't gain as much weight. But I feel like I'm just boring without alcohol. I barely know how to hang out with my friends without alcohol. And I drink alone sometimes. I don't know if I'm worried by myself, but I know my friends are haha. But apart from the buzz, I genuinely unfortunately like alcohol and it's gonna fuck up my weight/liver/nutrition/life.

Just a rant anyways. Add me on Untappd (chosara) and let's judge each other on our frequent beer drinking. And recommend me drinks. And wine. And what do you do with drunk cravings? Light calorie drinks/wine whatever? Are you also an drunkorexic?

[Help] I someone to be the voice of reason....
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh [Height 5’9”| HW:216| CW:150 | GW: 132 Gender: F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:15:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yet3/i_someone_to_be_the_voice_of_reason/
Ok I’ve managed to lose 65lbs this year by counting calories and fasting every other day.

In an attempt to reign in my disordered eating habits ~~I convinced myself~~ I tried to convince myself to eat 1200 calories everyday. This didn’t quite work out but I did eat everyday so I’ll consider it a mild success.

Here’s the problem and where I need an outside person to tell me to chilax. My weight has gone up 5lbs from my low point!!! WTF! The logical side of my brain knows it has to be water and poop because I was still at a major deficit. But the disordered side of my brain is now telling me to fast for a week or until I get to a new low weight.

I really want to get my disordered eating under control before it spirals further. Don’t get me wrong alternate day fasting is amazing but I know it’s extreme to eat 1200 calories or less every other day.

**TD;LR** My disordered brain thinks it gained 5lbs from eating 800 calories a day for a week

[Tip] Carrot HUNGER App Review
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:08:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yczq/carrot_hunger_app_review/
I'm not well versed in calorie tracker apps, but I definitely like this one. You start off by entering in your information (height, weight, age, etc.). Disclaimer 1: Apparently, people under 18 cannot use this app (it won't let you proceed if you say you're under 18), even though it is rated 12+. Lying is totally fine, as long as no one catches you, but it may skew your initial calorie limit. I also had a problem entering in my activity level, but if you close the app and reopen it, the problem should be fixed.

The app gives you a daily calorie limit based on your stats and how much weight you want to lose per week. However, you can go to the Profile and change this manually. Disclaimer 2: If you set your calorie limit to under 1200, a pop up will appear warning you of "starvation mode". This was slightly triggering to me because I'm a bit touchy when it comes to the topic of "starvation mode", so if you are the same way I recommend proceeding with caution.

The app itself is very cute. It features a judgemental A.I. that tracks your calories and adds more acid-looking liquid to your avatar's tank for each calorie you consume. If you go over your calorie limit, your avatar will become morbidly obese and the liquid will turn a blood red color.

Entering calories is fairly simple, and you can also enter exercise. There is even a barcode scanner for finding the calories of an exact brand. It does not have every single food (it did not recognize the barcode of a bag of tortilla chips), but you can also enter the calories alone and not specify what food it is (the same goes for entering exercise).

If you go to Settings, you can turn on notifications to remind you to enter calories at Breakfast, Lunch, and/or Dinner, along with before you go to bed.

A cute little secret is revealed when you tap and kill your avatar ten times. Every time you tap your avatar, they will explode and you will receive a pop up from the A.I. If you do this ten times, the A.I. will reward you by gifting you an extra 100 calories to your limit (meaning you can eat 100 calories more than your limit without being punished.)

That's it for my review. I give this app a solid 8/10 and definitely recommend it.

[Goal] Another update: the friends going well out of their way. Y’all gotta find people like this.
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:02:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ybli/another_update_the_friends_going_well_out_of/

Eating when alone
/u/resistersista [5'6"|CW:110 |BMI:17.8 |GW:125 |F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 08:59:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yata/eating_when_alone/
My husband went out of town for about 48 hours and I couldn't bring myself to eat anything other than some fruit and protein shakes. And that only because my medication won't work without it. We do the home chef thing and I was going to lie to him that I cooked one meal but really throw it out.

I couldn't lie to him. I didn't eat the meal. I didn't want to eat it, much less touch it or cook it. When he came home, we had one of the dinners that night. He prepared everything, cooked and even plated it for me. I don't eat during the day either, when he's not home (I work from home). He knows that too. I know that the rule is that food is fuel, but the application is not that easy. He doesn't understand and I don't blame him.

I am being very defensive about my eating right now. Almost like "don't tell me what to do," or "your's wrong, I'll show you!" I know these feelings are echoes but damn if they are not overwhelming. Being by myself gave me a glimpse of how hard my fight really is. I rarely feel compassion for myself, but I feel really sad about how I am treating my body. I know I deserve better.

[Rant/Rave] i binged yesterday and lost 1.4 pounds
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam [5'5" | 104.6lbs | GW: 100 | Female]
Created: Sun Jul 22 08:59:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yas5/i_binged_yesterday_and_lost_14_pounds/
the magic of taking a shit, i guess

[Rant/Rave] Sick of not being the skinny one.
Created: Sun Jul 22 08:57:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yabp/sick_of_not_being_the_skinny_one/
Title says it all.
I’m sick of my sister being so much skinnier than me. I know she takes pride in it, too. But not anymore.
Do I wish I’d gotten some fucking motivation and willpower ten pounds ago? Yeah, I do. But all that matters is right now. I’m sick of bingeing, I miss when I had some control and she was jealous of *my* body.
Mission to drop 20 lbs is ago.
See ya on the skinny side, bitches.

Getting triggered/thispo-ed by the other sex?
Created: Sun Jul 22 08:53:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90y9gv/getting_triggeredthispoed_by_the_other_sex/
I have this who rides on the subway with me, and he's so beautiful and skinny and has such an aestethically pleasing style and everything - I of course am totally into him and would love him (I'm a girl), but I also want to be LIKE him. Whenever I see him I don't want to eat for days. Same with stalking some guys I know on facebook. Is it weird to want to look skinny as a person althought you're not even the same sex? lol

[Rant/Rave] I feel like no one respects me anymore.
/u/elevenosix__ [158 cm| 44kg | 17 | 10kg | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 07:58:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xwkq/i_feel_like_no_one_respects_me_anymore/
So on friday my ED "came out", i ended up in the hospital and everyone knows about my eating disorder now. I have been restricting, but not fasting.

I try to eat in front of people. So this morning, my father in law made some bread and i barely even sat my mother in law started saying that i needed to grab a piece.

I did, despite not being hungry. I was drinking water but the kept insisting that i have something else too. I said i was okay that i didnt really like liquids other than water with my food, which is true, but she wouldnt stop and made me a latte.

I get it, she wants my well being but when i wasnt in the room she told my SO he was wrong for not making me eat. My mother is the same way, doesn't listen when i say no.

How do i get people to respect me? Because honestly this is gonna lead me to fasting again because if i get to my breaking point thats it im done.

Please help.

Plastic surgery consult.
/u/Avadakaboom [5'8.5" | 135lbs | 19.94 | -95 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 07:52:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xv90/plastic_surgery_consult/
I was super obese. Like 300 lbs obese. Was a fat kid who grew up in the buffet line. About a decade ago, I had enough when I hit 300 and I went hard. Calculated my BMR, started counting calories blah blah blah. Lost 150 lbs and got diagnosed with an eating disorder. I also had two more kids on the midst of all this. When I was pregnant my ed didn't matter, it was shoved in a lock box because I wasnt me, you know, i was this child I was creating.

Well, from being a collosal fatass my whole life and three kids, i have a lot of loose skin. Like almost 20 lbs worth of loose skin. I went for a consultation with a plastic surgeon about abdominoplasty (tummy tuck), was informed that my weight with consideration of the extra skin is too low and I'm technically underweight and he would like for me to gain about 15-18 lbs by pre-op, which is the middle of September.

I. Can't. Do. That. I just mentally can't. Ive managed to meal plan and gain with lots of emotional meltdowns about 5 lbs over the last two weeks and I just cant do it anymore.
Talk some sense to me, omg please. I know that once i have surgery it will be all right and the weight gain with be negated but in my mind it won't have, if that makes any damn sense.

Fasting Sunday Funday
Created: Sun Jul 22 07:40:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xt1m/fasting_sunday_funday/
Anyone else fasting today? I'm 10 hours into a 36 hour one.

[Rant/Rave] Eating without care.
/u/biztit [5'8" | ~121 | 18.26 | female]
Created: Sun Jul 22 07:01:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xl9e/eating_without_care/
I want to be able to eat "mindlessly" again.

As I said in my last post, it baffles me that people can just choose *anything* they want off of a menu, with no regard to calories, and eat it all. Or half of it because they're full so they stop.

I don't understand how people can go to the gym and then go home and just eat until they're full and stop, and then eat again when they're hungry.

I want to be able to grab a snack when I'm hungry. I don't want to feel obligated to put off my hunger until the next time I'm supposed to eat.

I want to be able to go and eat a big breakfast and feel too full for lunch/dinner like my family does and just snack throughout the day, but I can't because I'm too obsessive over food. Even when I was in recovery I was still hyper-focused. I don't like it. I wish I could just enjoy the food that I'm given and not think about the next time I'm eating afterwards.

It's just so exhausting, constantly thinking of what I'm having for lunch and dinner NEXT FRIDAY, when it's almost a full week in advance.

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
Created: Sun Jul 22 06:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xc3s/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

Daily Food Diary! July 22, 2018
Created: Sun Jul 22 06:10:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xc17/daily_food_diary_july_22_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for July 22, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] A cute water tracking app!
Created: Sun Jul 22 05:41:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90x77k/a_cute_water_tracking_app/

I'm not sure if everyone already uses this or not, but I have a lot of issues with my water intake. I have found that this app helps me a lot. I'm on mobile so sorry for formatting errors!

Here are some neat things about Plant Nanny:

It lets you customize your intake level by activity and weight.

You can customize what size your 'cups' are based on your containers so that way you don't have to keep track of individual mL of water. (It does round up a wee bit though)

You can grow cute plants and even name them! As you water them they slowly grow and eventually you plant them in your 'garden' which gives you more seeds to buy more plants. There are a lot to choose from as well as various pots to put them in.

I named my plant Oatmeal :)

Hope this helps someone like it helps me.

[Intro] So my boyfriend lost 10lbs.
Created: Sun Jul 22 05:40:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90x72d/so_my_boyfriend_lost_10lbs/
Meanwhile I got on the scale this morning and saw the highest weight I’ve ever been in the morning (145.6lbs and I’m 5’7”).

I’m happy and proud of him, but I need to rant to people who understand. This makes me feel like shit. I shouldn’t be jealous, but I feel like his gross blob of a girlfriend standing next him now. I don’t want him to look at me and see my disgusting stomach sticking out or my massive thighs touching.

He and I are rock climbers, too, so we’re always at the gym around all these other super fit and flat-stomached climbing girls and I’m sure he wishes I looked like that. I thought trying to eat intuitively would help with the binges and get me to that perfect ~flat stomach~ but apparently it’s only making my weight worse.

And yesterday he asked me if I’ve been eating. CLEARLY I HAVE.

I thought I was recovering but this long time lurker is back on her bullshit. Gum for breakfast and the gym for lunch. I hope all of you lovelies are in a better place than me today.

[Help] Ahhhh I'm losing it
/u/whataurban [6'1" | 155 | 19.52 | 0 | M2F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 05:36:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90x6ij/ahhhh_im_losing_it/
I'm paranoid rumbling down there and my thoughts are driving me crazy.

[Discussion] Sleeping problems
Created: Sun Jul 22 05:35:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90x6c3/sleeping_problems/
I can’t remember ever really having bad sleeping patterns until I started restricting and getting obsessive about my food. I’ve always been able to go to sleep right away, sometimes even after a cup of coffee. But now I lay awake at night for hours. Even if I’m dead tired from the day, I daydream about curling up in bed and sleeping until morning and waking up refreshed.

But it never happens.

I get in bed, I get nice and comfortable, and close my eyes. Then open them. And stare at the ceiling as the summer sun dips into the evening. And I keep staring until it reawakens at the crack of dawn, creeping through my windows. Taunting me. I’m tired, and even if I’m tired I can’t sleep.

Does anyone else feel this?

[Discussion] Low calorie foods that look "normal"?
Created: Sun Jul 22 03:07:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90wkp1/low_calorie_foods_that_look_normal/
Hellooooo! The other day I brought home a bunch of Alpen light bars (70 cal each) and they're in flavours like double chocolate, salted caramel etc. My roommate thought nothing of it, in fact she was surprised I had such a sweet tooth, while she was chomping down on her Lara bars telling me that was for sure the healthier choice. She might be right but my people know that health is not the concern when I can get away with eating a 70 cal breakfast without raising any flags.

Sooo, do you guys have any other hacks like this?!

Ummm Idk hello?
Created: Sun Jul 22 02:25:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90wels/ummm_idk_hello/
Maybe I shouldn't be posting... I'm not sure. I've been using Reddit since 2015 but I've just always been a lurker. That probably doesn't matter but whatever. Ummm. I'm watching Dawn of the Dead (the 2014 remake) with my cat (she's 16 and my best friend) and it's almost 3 AM here. This probably sounds so pathetic but I have no friends because I pushed everyone away and deleted all social media back in 2016. Hope you all are well. I love and appreciate this community so much. Here is my beautiful cat: okay I wanted to add a pic of my beautiful cat but Idk what's going on 😕 I grew up w the internet but now I don't understand the internet? Errr. Bye

Does medication have calories?
Created: Sun Jul 22 00:59:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90w1du/does_medication_have_calories/
If I take 3 medications daily, 3 times a day that have calories then why am I wasting my calories on it?
Does medication have any calories?

Today, I ate like a normal person.
Created: Sun Jul 22 00:24:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vw6c/today_i_ate_like_a_normal_person/
I ate to satiety. I ate healthy, nutrient-dense foods in moderation. I did not binge. I did not chew/spit. I wanted to very badly when I saw they had a sale on Entenmann’s at the store, but I thought about standing over the sink and spitting out chunks of chewed food, and I said, “No. I will be healthy. I will be normal.”

The things I ate today:

Protein shake.
Four turkey burgers with ketchup, mayo, lettuce, onion, and mustard.
Greek yogurt with frozen fruit.
Ants on a log.
A small batch of cookies I made (with Splenda and margarine, of course).
Some pita bread.

At the end of it, I am full. I am content. My tummy doesn’t hurt from hunger or over-fullness. At one point, I stopped myself eating the cookies. “They will be there later if you get hungry again.” And they were when I did, and I didn’t feel guilty.

I ate over my calories for today, and that scares me a little, but I know I was only this hungry because I’ve been restricting and exercise purging so much.

Today felt really good. Just to be free to eat what I wanted (within reason). Not gorging on pizza and ice cream and donuts, and not cooking up four cups of egg whites and drowning them in hot sauce. Neither extreme.

But tomorrow I bet I’m going to restrict and exercise purge. Because I ate over my calories. But maybe I won’t go quite so hard at the gym, and maybe I’ll treat myself to a bowl of yogurt and berries after.

You guys (gals) are great. Being a dude with an ED can be lonely.

What's the easiest way to tell if a scale is accurate without buying labeled weights?
/u/r1cecream- [5'10 | CW: 145 |BMI: 20.8 | WL: 70 | 23M]
Created: Sun Jul 22 00:15:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vum8/whats_the_easiest_way_to_tell_if_a_scale_is/
Title. You guys got any ideas?

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else just have an unattractive body type?
Created: Sat Jul 21 23:58:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vrtf/does_anyone_else_just_have_an_unattractive_body/
I often feel really discouraged because I know that no matter how much I lose, my body shape will always be weird so I'll never really appear thin. I have very large hips and hip dips which gives me the appearance of always having a muffin top, and I can just forget about wearing body-con dresses. Example here https://imgur.com/a/8l9T1n5. I'll never have that ideal body :(

[Goal] Small Victories
Created: Sat Jul 21 23:43:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vp9y/small_victories/
Not the biggest deal ever, but I was proud of myself and didn't know where else to share it so here I am.

As of today, I've gone two full days without chewing and spitting anything!I know it doesn't sound like a lot but the last two days were pretty hard. Ignoring the fact I haven't really eaten much else the last two days, I'm still proud that I didn't chew and spit. That pattern was taking over my life.... and once you start the process, it's so hard to stop. It triggers something in your head and you just have to keep going to fill some void inside you but not actually because you can't swallow.

Anyway yeah, I was just kinda happy with that so I wanted to share. It really has its withdrawal symptoms mainly anxiety but I guess that's what happens when you try to break a habit of a few months!

[Rant/Rave] have had to eat a ton the last few days to increase fibre. super upset
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 119.9lbs | 19.1 BMI | -23lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 23:24:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vlzd/have_had_to_eat_a_ton_the_last_few_days_to/
I was losing weight really consistently up until I increased one of my medication dosages, and started experiencing constipation. This is a side effect of the medication so I suspect it is the culprit. I think I’m going to go down a dosage or back to the one before and see if it goes away.

At this point I can’t tell how much waste is in me and water retention and how much I’ve actually gained. If the weight I’m at now is accurate, I’ve gained about 3lbs.

I’m very upset and super paranoid and stressed. I took a laxative (exlax, normal, one pill) and had fibre, and I’m going to drink 3 500mL water bottles through the night while I read.

This needs to stop because it’s literally making me more depressed and paranoid than before. I can’t cope with it. I feel paranoid that I might die or need surgery or have cancer and it’s all causing a blockage, or that I’ll have an extremely painful episode or have to go to the hospital, or gain a lot of weight and this keeps going on.

I’m so stressed and I could use some kind words.

[Goal] Im 2 lbs away from a 50 lb loss, i started like 3 months ago and am kinda proud idk. Love you guys for the support 💜
Created: Sat Jul 21 23:21:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vljf/im_2_lbs_away_from_a_50_lb_loss_i_started_like_3/

[Other] Here's to a first attempt at goodbye.
/u/glossboy [5'2 | CW:😷 | GW:94 |-29 | 🍑: glossboy]
Created: Sat Jul 21 23:12:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vjxo/heres_to_a_first_attempt_at_goodbye/
I don't know how to really start this, but this is the point where I attempt recovery.

I'm afraid of leaving something I've grown so comfortable with but I'm done with this 'I don't deserve to be happy' bullshit.

All this time I thought I was damaging myself for a greater happiness in the future, but I can already see that I'm digging towards nothing.

Tell me how I convinced myself that damaging my body to a point that I physically and emotionally want to kill myself was a good idea.

I keep hearing in the back of my head: "You'll regret this, what about all the hard work and all the easy weight that comes off when you just follow the schedule?"

I'm sick of raining hair, having freakouts at my parents when an ec stack elevates my anxiety, and having panic binge sessions that only make me want to die off when I've had too little to eat. That's it.

I remember this once being a healthy weight-loss project, how did I end up here.

Knowing me it's hard to think I'll actually be able to fully quit these routines I've grown attached to but please.. I just want to eat. Even if I have to learn how to lose weight in a healthy and steady manner.... please I want to escape.

I'm going to be a senior in college. This is my most important year and I fucked up my entire junior year and barely escaped saving it by a thread. I want to be a happy college student, or at least work towards helping myself. I want to work towards real happiness.

I'm gonna go to the psychiatrist and get that diagnosis for my depression I so desperately need and not put it off because I'm afraid they'll take my ed away from me.

It won't be a clean recovery, but this is my start, and just another passerby goodbye post.

Thank you for all the comfort I've found here when no one else around me would ever dare to listen.

[Discussion] What's the biggest woosh you've gotten? (And have you gotten a big one at a low weight before?)
Created: Sat Jul 21 22:55:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vgsw/whats_the_biggest_woosh_youve_gotten_and_have_you/
I've been stalled for about 3 weeks just over 100lbs (at 5'3). I really want a woosh and to get under 100, but it's just not happening. I've reduced my exercise and I'm drinking water. I've waited through my period and I just want to see the scale move.

Every time I hear about a woosh, it's someone considerably heavier than me. I'm starting to lose hope that it's possible to get a drop more than .5 at my current weight...

[Tip] How to kill my appetite? (also, pouring my heart out lol)
/u/cherrycar [Height 5'7 | BMI :( | Weight Lost getting there| Gender Female]
Created: Sat Jul 21 22:53:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vgeg/how_to_kill_my_appetite_also_pouring_my_heart_out/
Hi all, hope you’re doing well :)

First off, I've seen other similar posts allowed so I hope this abides by the rules! I'm not really asking how to ED, I already have that lol.

I started recovery from anorexia about 3 years ago. I was able to maintain a very low (still healthy though) weight for a long time, due to the fact that I’d fucked up my hunger cues so much that I actually rarely felt hunger. However, a couple months ago I started allowing myself to eat more, and more fear foods, and I’ve now gained an absolutely disgusting amount of weight and developed a low key BED. I don’t dare to weigh myself (although maybe I should, it might be the kick in the ass I need) but I’m pretty sure I’m officially overweight, if not extremely close to it. I can’t continue like this and I just need to lose the weight.

So, remember how I mentioned that I don’t feel hunger? Well, I didn’t...until like a week ago. So now the situation is different. I try not to eat as much as I can, but suppressing it is getting difficult. During the day I can usually get by but the problem is that sometimes I’ll wake up at night starving, and I can’t sleep if I’m hungry :/

I drink a lot of water already, and only 2 cups of coffee I’m open to supplements, preferably natural, but I don’t want anything that’ll keep me awake too late at night as I already have major trouble sleeping (and I drink a lot of coffee as well haha). So maybe something caffeinated in the morning, and then something else in the evenings?

The worst part is, I think the hunger correlates with me starting Topamax for my migraines...the reason I chose it? One of the side effects is supposed to be weight loss. But for me it’s the opposite. Just my luck.

Anyway, any advice would be much appreciated. I've been a lurker for a while but this is my first actual post here. Everyone seems super supportive :) Thanks!

Boss at work is calling my NOT fat sister fat now that I’m thinner.
/u/Ekawa [Height 5'3 | CW 115 | BMI 20.3| -50 |F/22]
Created: Sat Jul 21 22:44:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90venn/boss_at_work_is_calling_my_not_fat_sister_fat_now/
So I work at a restaurant and my boss likes to comment on the server’s weight a lot. I’ve lost a noticeable amount lately and he and commented. I used to be the “fat sister” (my younger sister works here too) but recently I’ve become thinner than her. He keeps telling her that she’s fat, how she’s gotten fat, how she’ll get fat when he sees her eating, how she’s sweating because she’s fat and so on. She’s not even close to being overweight but I feel like my recent weight loss is what he’s comparing her weight to now.

[Rant/Rave] I just binged because I’m so fucking sad
Created: Sat Jul 21 22:26:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vbi0/i_just_binged_because_im_so_fucking_sad/
It’s awful because so many stop-binging tips are centered around realizing that you’re not actually hungry, you’re just using food to cope with something else. The problem is, I’m fully aware of that. I had such a great day today restriction-wise, but this past week I’ve been feeling myself sink back into that horrible deep pit of depression I’ve been fighting so well for months now.
Tonight was that desperate kind of pain, where it hurts so badly and it’s just this awful empty ache that I just have to do something to make it stop because I can’t take it and it’s crushing me. So I consciously decided to go eat an absolutely massive amount of food because I thought it might numb the pain for just a few minutes.
I’m sorry I’m just rambling I just feel so empty and lonely and alone and now I feel like a fat failure on top of it and there’s no one I can talk to about it. /r/
I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t know how to stop.

[Rant/Rave] I had some blood tests done.
Created: Sat Jul 21 22:21:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vaik/i_had_some_blood_tests_done/
I had been in a "normal phase" for quite a while and I'm definitely overweight, I know this. I was down to about 110lbs at my lowest (I'm 5'8"). The doctor made sure to tell me that that range of weight at my height is not concerning. And that if I were to return to that weight it would be fine.

She ordered some blood tests and I found out my cholesterol level is kind of high. It's sick, but I'm so glad I have an excuse to lose weight again, and the people I love can't even say anything because I'm PROVEN to be unhealthily fat.

[Other] Does anyone know of any appetite suppressants other than an EC stack?
/u/chrysanthemym [5"4' | CW: 140lbs | GW: 115lbs | Female ]
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:53:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90v53e/does_anyone_know_of_any_appetite_suppressants/
I suffer from depression and anxiety and taking the EC stack just heightened my anxiety even more.

That being said, the appetite suppressant really worked but I can’t deal with feeling anxious 24/7 and it just wasn’t worth it while on the stack.

Does anyone know of any other pills that have the same affect that’s not an EC stack?

[Rant/Rave] Vent: When you gotta but everything hurts.
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 92lbs | 14.8 | Male]
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:50:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90v4dx/vent_when_you_gotta_but_everything_hurts/
I'm in the process of recovering (for the past 15 years; in and out of hospital, relapse after relapse, numerous "oh-shit-I-nearly-died" scenarios). Currently \~3 months out of treatment, 10 pounds lost, struggling to increase my intake from \~1100kcal to at least \~1400kcal/day (regardless of activity).
My whole digestive system is in crippling pain. Circumstances were such that I had dinner late, now I've got to have a snack before I go to bed barely 2 hours later. It seems like I've eaten a lot in the past couple hours, but I'm at less than 1100 today, \~500 this evening, so not too much, not even like a large evening meal. My perception is totally off, and while there is a slight hunger deep in my belly, it's masked by sharp stabs and gurgles. Why can't this whole process be less shitty?

Newbie to this sub here, by the way. Thanks for dealing with my lame first post.

[Goal] I am SO EXCITED to be able to see inside my bellybutton.
/u/rizzie_ [5’2 | 126.7 | HW: 142 | F | 🍑: rizzie_]
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:46:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90v3mv/i_am_so_excited_to_be_able_to_see_inside_my/
Soon! Soon, soon. Big progress being made!

[Help] Experience with dietitians?
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:43:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90v36z/experience_with_dietitians/
I’m scheduled to go to a dietitian this upcoming week for an assessment and I literally have no idea what they do or what to expect, and my therapist really didn’t clarify when I asked her. What should I expect? Should I be asking questions? Setting parameters? I’m new at this ED treatment thing, treatment for regular ass depression and anxiety disorders aren’t nearly as hard to navigate as this is,

[Discussion] Is it just me or do you feel like its impossible to eat normally??
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:41:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90v2od/is_it_just_me_or_do_you_feel_like_its_impossible/
Like all skinny people who complain about not being able to gain weight just make me suspicious. And when people work out I’m like “HA I SEE U!” Logically I know that not everybody has an eating disorder and some people on this earth HAVE to be totally fine with food...but have you ever met one?. Whenever I see Instagram accounts that are all about loving yourself I’m like...but do you?? How?? (Not because there’s anything wrong with them, but logistically speaking...what?) My family is 50 shades of fucked up (like all diet tips I’ve learned from my mom, who eats one meal and works out 2+ times a day yet still makes fat jokes about herself) and every person I’ve ever met SEEMS fine with food but eventually confessed that they have issues with it and/or body image. Maybe I’ve normalized these kinds of issues, though. Is there anybody left who eats normally, who doesn’t restrict somehow or binge? I don’t know any. I think healthy relationships with food are a conspiracy. Shane Dawson where u at

[Rant/Rave] Plateau that makes no sense please RANT and commiserate with me
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:23:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uyz7/plateau_that_makes_no_sense_please_rant_and/
Literally I should be loosing weight by all calculations of math. Only over 1500 once a month at most, under 1,000 (400-900) 99% of days. 40+ hour fasts thrown in here and there. And yet... hardly a pound shed in forever. It makes me feel so fake when I see everyone else loosing while I stay stuck even though I’m doing all of the same things. I think to myself, “wow, you can’t do anything right. Total idiot. You do this for nothing. You should just stop.” And yet I can’t. I’m stuck in an eating disorder and I barely change. I’ve lost 30 pounds since the beginning of this relapse, but I’m still on the higher end of healthy because I started at borderline obese. Every five pounds that I loose takes months.
I must’ve damaged my metabolism, but everybody in the ed community who I talk to about it say that it’s not a real thing, but doctors attest that it is, and personally I believe doctors.
The only time that I can tell how much I’m loosing is when I take laxatives, but I hate doing it & know the consequences. I reach a low weight after taking lax, then go back to normal, gain a bunch in food weight, and have no idea if or what I’m loosing. I don’t even know how badly I’m plateauing because I can hardly tell what I weigh given the literal shit inside of me. It’s all just so disappointing. I weigh in at 135, and then a week later I’m back up to 144. My weight loss is so slow, and it’s peppered with random increases for no logical reason other than food weight or my body just being an asshole. I’m just so unbelievably tired of this all, but I can’t stop and I can’t even get help TO stop because I look perfectly fine. At this rate, I’ll die from a random heart attack at a healthy weight and doctors will just assume that it’s from OVEREATING and not under-eating.

So my question is, do any of you have losses this slow? How does this make sense? Is it from the use of laxatives, and do you personally count it as loosing weight if you only can tell from taking lax (I don’t smh thanks for that ed brain you’ll never be satisfied will you)?

[Help] How can I lose weight when my Dad buys food all the time?
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:19:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uy69/how_can_i_lose_weight_when_my_dad_buys_food_all/
Im with my Dad a lot, and he hardly ever cooks food. All he gets for breakfast, lunch, and dinner is fast food, or when he does cook it’s way too many calories. Sometimes i’ll wake up and find that he bought Mcdonald’s for breakfast without me knowing, and my family always eats together. I don’t know what to do! Sure I can exercise, but I think he’d get suspicious if I worked out too much. If anyone has any advice please help! I’m trying to lose weight before school starts back up.

[Discussion] How to lose weight instead of gain muscle?
Created: Sat Jul 21 20:35:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uoq2/how_to_lose_weight_instead_of_gain_muscle/
When I work out I'm constantly paranoid that I'm going to end up gaining muscle instead of losing weight, therefore doing the opposite.

Is there anyway I can ensure that I'm losing fat instead of gaining muscle?

do you guys do this?
Created: Sat Jul 21 20:25:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90umfu/do_you_guys_do_this/
so when i eat, i’m closely supervised, but on days i can’t purge early, for whatever reason i don’t panic, i just purge when i can, even its 4 hours after, i just don’t like feeling full and seeing my stomach big from the food. does anyone else do this?

[Other] No offense but I cannot fathom buffets.
Created: Sat Jul 21 20:10:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uja9/no_offense_but_i_cannot_fathom_buffets/
Like how can anyone eat more than ONE serving? Where is the capacity for more and more food???? I low key wish I could eat as much tho

[Discussion] a peek into my ED life (or: things my backpack contains)
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:59:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ugut/a_peek_into_my_ed_life_or_things_my_backpack/

[Rant/Rave] eating disorder pyramid?
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:53:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ufp8/eating_disorder_pyramid/
um idk if I'm just like making this up but I've been like observing and being in the ed community for a while now and I've noticed a "pyramid" forming. what I mean is like people tend to be more familiar and appropriate and normalize and romantize certain disorders and just completely ignore the others. so i guess the pyramid is in this order: anorexia, bulimarexia, bulimia, BED (ik that there are others but those are the most recognized). i dunno if that made any sense but my main point was just to say that we are all suffering and are in pain and I feel like the public should recognize and stop stigmatizing ALL eating disorders. i dunno. please tell me your opinion/thoughts because i really wanna educate myself and see if anyone else feels this way.

[Tip] [Long] Introduction to DBT for ED
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:38:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uceb/long_introduction_to_dbt_for_ed/

How to restrict with low blood pressure?
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:37:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uc7c/how_to_restrict_with_low_blood_pressure/

[Help] A cereal conundrum + how accurate are calorie labels really.
/u/erincouch95 [5'6" | CW: 117 | BMI: 18.9 | LW: 109 | F22]
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:34:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ubgu/a_cereal_conundrum_how_accurate_are_calorie/
I eat bite-size shredded wheat cereal for breakfast because it is very filling with little calories for how filling it is, I guess. I buy Kroger brand because it has the "lowest" amount of calories (170 cal for 1 1/4 cup), but I'm not so sure... Like it's the same exact thing as the Post brand name but that one has 170 calories for just 1 cup. And then, you get into a whole other ball park where you have the shredded wheat that kinda looks like Frosted Mini Wheats (the biscuits are much thicker and fluffier), and you get about 200 cal/cup on that. I buy the Aldi brand of that. But all of these varieties have zero g sugar! How does that even work? Can anyone shed any light on this, or is it just that calorie labels are inaccurate across brands?

Side note: I've noticed that all off-brand things I've ever bought, whether Aldi or Kroger, have lower-than-average calories. For example, the Aldi knock-off of Kashi Go Lean Crunch only has 150 cal/cup, whereas the Kashi has 190 cal for 3/4 cup??? Help!

[Help] What would you do?
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:07:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90u5dh/what_would_you_do/
I have a lot of reasons for why I want to quit this job early and some strong things stopping me. I could go on and on about it but I want to know from yall what it would take for you to quit your job if it was stressing you out. I can't tell if I'm being dramatic and exaggerating my issues to be able to validly quit or if I am seriously spiralling and need to save myself. What would you guys do? At what point would you feel the need to quit your job for your mental health? Keep in mind for my situation this is an internship so it's only temporary aka 3 weeks left here

[Help] So bloated... help?? (TMI)
/u/gatechnightman [5'8" | CW: 130 | GW: 110 | UGW: 100 | Female]
Created: Sat Jul 21 18:59:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90u3gq/so_bloated_help_tmi/
I’ve been eating less than 400-500 calories a day for a while now and I’ve just not been able to have good BM. It’s a real struggle. Rehab has me on laxatives and stool softeners but nothing is working. My belly looks so big because I’m so bloated.


[Other] When your co worker asks what you’re eating for lunch
Created: Sat Jul 21 18:48:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90u0zp/when_your_co_worker_asks_what_youre_eating_for/
And you point to the Diet Coke and cigarettes 💁‍♀️

[Discussion] Your list of safe/unsafe/risky food?
/u/Burlesqua [🌷 5'4'' | CW:108 | BMI:18 | 20/F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 18:41:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tzeu/your_list_of_safeunsaferisky_food/
(I know this discussion comes up a lot so feel free to remove my post if you consider it as spam)

SAFE (comforting)
- Crispy bread
- Fruits (top tier : Granny Smith apples, red fruits)
- Spinach
- Salad
- Vegetables (top tier : tomatoes, shredded carrots, red peppers, eggplants)
- Hummus
- Gnocchi
- Veggie ravioli
- Diced vegetables mix
- Mashed vegetables
- Spicy mechouia (side dish from North Africa, reallyyyy recommend it)
- Goat, feta and parmesan cheese
- Lentils

UNSAFE (triggering - will end up in a binge)
- White bread
- Biscuits
- Cereals/Muesli
- Brioche (bun)
- Pasta
- Doughnut/Fritter
- Chips
- Cookies
- Speculoos (I can not stop eating these even if my life depended on it REEEE)

RISKY (can eat but need to be *very* careful)
- Dark chocolate
- Peanut butter
- Jam
- Bananas
- Apple sauce
- Nuts
- Pastries
- Pizza

I could have added a lot more food but I don’t want to make a five page long list 😂
Have a nice day lovelies 🌸

[Other] Working at a theater has its perks
Created: Sat Jul 21 18:27:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tw5m/working_at_a_theater_has_its_perks/
I work at a movie theater and we get free popcorn + soda/water, and we've got those customizable coke machines.

Yall know ya boy is hitting up that diet section like a madman, and it'll be all i get in a 7+ hour shift.

I am caffinated and blessed,, if only our pay was just as good lmao.

[Other] Feeling Disgusting with a capital D
/u/cafesitoconpan [5’5” | CW:145 | BMI: 24.4 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:50:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tnn3/feeling_disgusting_with_a_capital_d/
It was my birthday last week, I went out with friends and stayed over a friend’s house but only had my clubbing clothes on so my friend gave me some pjs to use. My friend is skinnier than me and looks so great but I didn’t realize how much bigger I am until I actually put on some of her clothes. They were tight on me and I felt like crap. I’m always the skinny friend but I haven’t been so lately. I’m also looking at videos from when I blew out my bday candles and I can see a stomach roll clear as day which has never been a problem area for me bc I tend to gain weight in my thighs/muffin top first 😓 anyways, I thought I was doing great and haven’t been on this sub in a while but I’m going to go back to restricting and jogging/running like 4 miles tomorrow, I feel disgusting and don’t want to go into this age feeling fat, I want to look dainty like a ballerina but still strong and elegant

[Other] Posting instead of purging rn
/u/psychedelicpeach [5'5.5'' | 23.5 | CW:144 | GW:125]
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:35:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tjuu/posting_instead_of_purging_rn/
For some *odd* reason I decided to hunt down my old measuring tape and take measurements of every single part of my body! Bad news: wow I have big thighs. Good news: apparently I have an extremely healthy and “ideal” waist to hip ratio! I still want to purge so badly right now but instead I am going to drink lots of water, watch my favorite movie, and finish some homework! Here’s to taking recovery a day at a time 🍻

EDIT: meant to say I have big "thighs" not big "things" but I feel like things works too ://

[Rant/Rave] Nacho over and out (maybe in 48 hours)
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tema/nacho_over_and_out_maybe_in_48_hours/
I said last week that my friends were wanting to chat which would signify the end of this account.

Well that chat happened this evening. You’ll have seen they bought me massive calorie-dense oat bar things, and they made me have three (THREE FUCK THAT’S LIKE 1000 CALORIES). Unsurprisingly, I’m still under 2000 for the day - especially considering my busy job and the run I went on.

Anyway, we had a very long chat which, at points, was as blunt as “you’re going to die soon. You look anorexic. You’re getting kicked out of university”, all truths which hurt more when other people observe them. The heart issues, the fatigue, the joints and bones ruining themselves, not menstruating, no sex drive, bruising and scarring, my hair and nails, the clothes that don’t fit - these are problems. I’m not going through a phase, I am anorexic and that’s a problem. We decided that I’m just going to have to eat 2000-2500 calories per day, brute force or whatever until I gain weight and they will be there for accountability - I’ve been rejected by almost 20 professionals the only person who can truly change things is me.

This sub has been incredibly supportive, a place where I can be understood, where I can anonymously rant, where I can relate to others but it’s probably best this goes. Leaving behind you incredible bunch of people, despite the fact that you are supportive and kind and anything but enabling anorexia, is a shame.

I’ve given myself 48 hours to remove this account. 48 hours left of commenting updating, and weaning myself off horrific memes. I want to thank you all simply for being who you are and wish you all the very best in everything.

I promise that when I’ve sorted out with my university all of the ways in which I plan to help (see previous posts) I’ll let you know from my main how it all went. This account’s final post will be on Monday, though I’m sure SpiNACHOcolate3 will be an inevitable fallback in the future (WATCHOUT FAM)

For now, peace and love.


[Discussion] [support] I feel like a failure bc I'm just bulimic
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:10:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tdy4/support_i_feel_like_a_failure_bc_im_just_bulimic/
I completely lose control. I've been able to restrict successfully once and lost thirty lbs. But that control is gone now. Bulimia has gripped me and I feel like I can't stop.

I feel like I'm failing at this whole eating disorder thing. I feel sick all the time. I can't eat a whole meal without puking. I can't be around food without shoving it in my face. I can't not eat. But I also can't be full.

I am not even losing weight. I'm always between 128-136. If I gain any weight I don't know what I'll do.

I hate my body. I just want to accept it but I can't (unless I'm drunk or off some hard drugs).

[Rant/Rave] "You're bulimic? Ew, that's just gross."
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:05:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tct6/youre_bulimic_ew_thats_just_gross/
All eating disorders are terrible and one of the most painful things someone can experience, but I hate how the stigma around anorexia is that when you have it you're skinny and perfect and tiny, but the stigma around bulimia is like ewww wtf you're weird, who is messed up enough to do that? As a bulimic, I have done my fair share of pretty disgusting stuff but that doesn't define me as a person :(.

[Help] anxiety about going out
/u/damnitjanet6 [5"5'| hellbeast | BMI 29 | -22lbs | 20F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:00:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tbgo/anxiety_about_going_out/
aaaaaa so i feel like i'm making a post on here every other day and i'm really sorry for that- it's just so good to be able to actually describe how my shitty brain is working to people who "get it".

I'm meant to be going out for a meal for a friend's birthday on monday night. it's such a stupid situation but because i'm working during that day and then the next day too, i'm having to book a hotel so that i can get to work on time and plus the train ticket is ending up being like £40 on top of that. it's gone from being a little bit of a meal out to being this huge expensive thing and it's killing me with food anxiety because how do i justify all this for one pathetic meal that i don't even want to eat because the entire idea of eating it freaks me out?? am i really such a fatass that i'll spend like upwards of £150 to have a shitty oily greasy pile of shit meal?

and then on top of that, i don't have an ID. or i do, but it's three years out of date lol. i don't have a passport or a driving license, just a very out-of-date pass card and a university ID that doesn't have my date of birth on it. i don't plan on drinking anyway (lol calories) so i'm not going to be trying to buy alcohol but the resteraunt *i cant spell sorrrry* we're going to is 18+ and i'm so panicked that i'll be turned away for not having ID? and it'll draw attention to my awful fat ass trying to buy fattening food and stuff my face? and ruin the night for all my friends and put them in an awkward situation uuuuuugh? i want to be there for my friend and for her birthday but holy shit it's setting off my anxiety so bad that i have legitimately considered killing myself to avoid having to go. what the fuck do i do?

[Rant/Rave] I'm freaking the f*ck out!!
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:48:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t8dj/im_freaking_the_fck_out/
I just had the most horrible realization today...
In October, my whole family is going on a big three week vacation including a cruise in the Caribbean. I've known about this for a year....I thought to myself (then) well a year is plenty of time to lose the 20kg overweight....
Well, its now three months left and I haven't lost a ounce!!!

I totally panicked today when it hit me that I would have to wear a bikini in three months. I mean it's not possible under my circumstances to lose all that weight....And now I'm sitting here trying to manage my anxiety with alcohol....Of course that is a horrible idea!!! All those calories!!! I'm feel like such an immense failure right now that I can barely breath.

I have no clue what to do, three months...while working and studying. I can't restrict because that will get noticed.

I feel totally lost....Sorry for the rant, just needed to vent.

[Other] I wrote this, about binging. I hope it's allowed, TW this is about how binging makes me feel and I wrote it about my thought process to stop
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -9 | 21F ]
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t3jn/i_wrote_this_about_binging_i_hope_its_allowed_tw/
Stop! You, there, standing in the glow of an open fridge door, or on tip toes, neck craning into an open cupboard. Yes, you. What do you expect to find in the food that sits on those shelves? Do you expect to find solace in the bottom of that jar, or to find a friend like a free toy in a cereal box? When you sit down with your feast, looking at all of the forbidden flavors, do you fantasize that you will be happy afterward? Satisfied, satiated, or sated? When you have had more than your fill, and then some, and then just a bit more because food doesn’t really make the emptiness and hurt go away, what do you think you will feel then? I think I know. I think you do too, even though you tuck it away in the back of your mind, putting your need for instant gratification before your need to process what’s really eating you up; the stress, the sadness, the loneliness. Because those are hard to face, right? Those take time; minutes, hours, days, weeks even to process. Not to mention the effort. Why go through that when you could just feel the comfort you think you want now? But whatever you are reaching for, as easily as it can prove gratifying, we both know that it comes with strings. As soon as your plate is cleared and you sit back, so pleased, the true problem comes creeping back from whatever crevice you stuffed it into when you started. And it has friends. Their names are shame, regret, and anxiety, and they work so quickly to make you wonder why you ever began this whole thing. You look around, at the wrappers, the dishes, the empty containers, and you want to disappear. You think about the calories, can you even remember how many you ate? Anxiety rises, and so do you, to hide and conceal your guilty pleasure, but it doesn’t erase the damage on your body. It keeps no secrets. You go lay down, the mental and physical tolls working together to make you nauseated. Tomorrow, your problem will still be there, waiting. Perhaps after they do their dirty work its friends will leave you broken, beat up on the inside out, weak and defeated. So stop. If you can’t go a day without thinking about your goal, stop. If you want to take control, stop. If you want to go through the problem, stop. Stop and turn to me, close the cupboard, the pantry, the fridge. Let’s go for a walk, talk to a friend, write out the real issue, anything really. But let’s do something besides binge.

[Rant/Rave] Don’t you just love being on your period??
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:25:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t2sp/dont_you_just_love_being_on_your_period/
It makes you eat everything with the most intense cravings. I’m gonna go back to restricting after this shit is done. How can I get through it.

[Help] I feel like I'm on a fast downward spiral and I don't know what to do and I'm scared. I need help
/u/Highoffempty [5'9|CW: 143.3 | GW: 120 | UGW: 106 |Lbs lost: 16.7]
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t2q7/i_feel_like_im_on_a_fast_downward_spiral_and_i/
For about 2 months I've been doing pretty good. Not binging (except 1 or 2 smaller ones...not to the point where I feel like my stomach will burst). I'm doing plant based keto and that was really helping my cravings/binges..

The past week though. My binges have been getting progressively worse. Today was the first day that I actually just stood infront of the fridge and shoved whatever I could find (that was still what I considered "keto" food...but I'm pretty sure I'm out of ketosis) into my mouth. I'm at a low point. I know that because I was dipping half frozen keto bread into peanut butter and pasta sauce. Eating so fast without chewing that it hurt going down. Eating cereal with cream meant for coffee. Globs of cream cheese on bagels. Like some dog without any self control.

I feel horrible. I have no one to talk to or turn to. I have gone through this cycle for a few years and I cannot do this again. I lost 15lbs and I thought I was doing well. I can't have day after day of pain from binging and gain again. All to restrict again.

I just am trying to get through today. The urge to binge is just so strong again even though just a few hours ago I was in horrible pain. I'm acting like some addict. I want to fast for a week to off set these disgusting few binge days. I've gained like 3lbs. I'm so tired of this.

What do I do now? What's left? Is this my life? A cycle of obscene eating and restricting? I just want to see my ugw before I die. I just really want to get through this 1 week fast. I just have no idea why I'm just so out of control now

Can anyone offer any advice/help? I'm kind of getting desperate.

[Other] A new perspective?
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:24:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t2lq/a_new_perspective/

[Rant/Rave] I have impetigo FML (part ED related, part I need to fucking rant)
/u/squishyskeleton [Height 5”5 | CW 52kg | GW David Bowie's lowest | BMI 18.9 ]
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:22:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t2bj/i_have_impetigo_fml_part_ed_related_part_i_need/
Pro: I’ve lost weight because I can’t eat much and my antibiotics must be taken with NO food.

Con: fucking everything else.

I know I have a pre-existing skin condition which meant that as an adult it could be possible to get impetigo (which is a disease for kids, or at least most common in kids). However, another thing that means adults could get it is a low immune system/bad immunity. I know my immune system has gotten so much shittier since I started restricting constantly.

Part of me wonders that if I didn’t have an ED if I would even get this, if I would be stuck with sore lips, sore eye, sore head. Being unable to touch my skin, having to take days off of work and most likely university tomorrow. Ever since developing an eating disorder I have gotten sick more often, I’m more exhausted, I’m more run down. I never used to get sick. I used to fight illnesses and scrapes like a champ.

Now my body can’t heal well. I can’t heal well. And I’m stuck with this shitty disease that I don’t want. Feeling disgusting and hating myself even more because I look shitty. So fucking shitty. It’s make me feel worse about my weight and my looks. It’s no fun guys.

Here’s a link about impetigo: https://www.dermnetnz.org/topics/impetigo/

It’s pretty gross.

[Intro] Tfw you’ve stopped yourself from coming back to this sub after almost a year of “recovery” but lose your appetite and fans make you cold in the summer.
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:22:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t26t/tfw_youve_stopped_yourself_from_coming_back_to/
Well it ended by being treated for other mental illness since the summer (was 105 pounds at 5’6) and this summer I’m almost back there at 115 and working manually demanding kitchen work and eating nothing, sleeping all day, sometimes consuming amphetamines and accidentally binging and just no want to eat. I hope you guys welcome me back since my last reddit was deleted by my old sister for safety reasons. It’s nice to be back 🙃

[Help] I think i need some help
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:08:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90syw2/i_think_i_need_some_help/

[Tip] Pro tip for people who are going to baseball or sports games and don't want to get fat from nachos and hot dogs: arrive early and walk around.
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:02:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90sx9p/pro_tip_for_people_who_are_going_to_baseball_or/
Hey guys! I have season tickets to the Detroit Tigers, and sometimes I feel like buying ballpark food. I know most of you guys go rarely, and usually socially, but feel the pressure to eat calorie dense junkfood, especially in front of your friends.

Here's how I get by so I look normal. I always ask to arrive early so I can walk around the stadium, and take a few walks during the game. If you walk around for an hour before, you're down 200 calories and can justify it by wanting to look at all the nifty stuff they have in the park. 200 calories is a small hot dog!

The other option is to forget your money and refuse to let your friends buy you anything.

But seriously, just eat the hot dog and walk around. Win win.

Top tip 2: sometimes you can park very far away, like a mile or more, and take a nice walk to the stadium, blowing another 200 calories there and back. Especially fun if the stadium is downtown.

[Discussion] The Blackout Binge
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 15:55:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90svjq/the_blackout_binge/
Anyone else blackout binge? I just experienced that. I was in bed, 28 hours into a fast, not hungry... suddenly I’m hurling 8 bowls of cereal into the toilet. I genuinely dont even remember eating. It was like I got drunk off mug cakes and cereal.

[Help] Where do all the calories come from?? I thought mushrooms were relatively low cal
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5| 100 lbs| 19.4| 18F| Exploring Recovery]
Created: Sat Jul 21 15:53:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90sv0t/where_do_all_the_calories_come_from_i_thought/

what are y’all’s thigh measurements?
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1 | CW:109 GW:100]
Created: Sat Jul 21 15:14:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90slbd/what_are_yalls_thigh_measurements/
mine are 20” and i’m just wondering how i compare!

I want to die
Created: Sat Jul 21 15:00:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90shr8/i_want_to_die/

No one congratulates you for yo-yo dieting
Created: Sat Jul 21 14:49:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90sewm/no_one_congratulates_you_for_yoyo_dieting/

[Discussion] Do you think we could put a PANIC BUTTON - EMERGENCY REBOOT MOTIVATION in this subreddit to help when a binge is about to happen?
Created: Sat Jul 21 14:48:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90setq/do_you_think_we_could_put_a_panic_button/
Idea shamelessly stolen from NoFap. (Hey, I wound up there by accident) They have this green button in the sidebar and it leads to a post describing in detail how you will regret what you're about to do.

[Help] I don’t know what to do
Created: Sat Jul 21 14:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90seia/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
Right now I’m on holiday, have been for two and a half weeks and am having a ball of a time with my partners family. The only problem is that food has been completely out of my control, and I’ve been eating a solid three meals a day (maybe more inc snacks) - this is the same person that three weeks ago would be eating one small meal. But it’s ok, I feel as though I’ve gained and I’m feeling disgusting - but I’m at the stage where my every thought isn’t consumed by food. (It’s consumed by body hate instead lolololol). But rather than hardcore restricting whenever I get home, I was thinking of trying to go to the gym and exercise more bc if I restrict I’ll binge after a few days - eating normally (sorta) has allowed me to eat only enough to satisfy me rather than eating to fill a void! But ok I’m rambling lmao. If I was to eat fairly low cal (probably 1200-1500-ish) and work out often, would I be able to lose weight and be small? (I was 110 before I left, p sure I’m 115 now tho rip.)

[Other] Lithium and weight, any experiences much appreciated ❤️ I know it’s a 50/50 ED question but idk who else would truly understand💜
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Sat Jul 21 14:31:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90sah2/lithium_and_weight_any_experiences_much/
Hey guys I know everyone’s different with meds and a lot of us are on meds for co occurring mental illness. I thought this would be the only place to get REAL answers from people who truly understand my petrified idea of gaining weight.

My BP and BPD and ED have brought me to this, I NEVER take meds. that are well known to cause weight gain and my pdoc. Is aware of my ED and tries her best. We hit a wall and it’s either try to add in lithium or to possibly try ECT. I gave in for the first time in a year and figured I would give it a go since Idk what to do.

I’ve been on 300mgs then will go up to 600mg next week. She has me taking it before bed/ like as I turn the light off style 😂 Incase it causes hunger so at least hopefully that symptom won’t start. While she is worried about my ED she knows the second I imagine OR I imagine weight gain I stop and stick to my current meds I’ve had for years.

Do you guys think weight gain is due to increased appetite or it just fucks up your bodies metabolism etc? I’m going to stick with my same disordered ways 🙃 so I’m hoping eating low cal will not cause any.....,

Sorry if this post isn’t okay here, just looking for advice other than “I gained 15 lbs but it’s okay because I feel great” .....nope I would die ☠️

[Discussion] The guy I’m seeing is the worst
Created: Sat Jul 21 14:15:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90s6e2/the_guy_im_seeing_is_the_worst/

[Help] To those of you who see a therapist.
/u/lyhndzie [5'5"|HW: 170|CW: eww|UGW: 98| F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 13:54:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90s0vq/to_those_of_you_who_see_a_therapist/
How do you go about finding one? I’m not ready to address my ED yet, but my depression has gotten so out of hand that I don’t know what to do. I want to start seeing a counselor, but I have no idea how to go about that. I searched on google for therapists in my area, but they are all so expensive and out of the range of what I can afford. I have insurance that could help, but most of the therapists I’ve found don’t take the type of insurance I have. Do you guys know of any cheap(er) online alternatives or maybe how to get financial aid?

[Other] I don’t know where else to post this and I trust this community and I don’t know what to do or how to react please help me
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword [172cm | CW: 68kg | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 13:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rqax/i_dont_know_where_else_to_post_this_and_i_trust/
I just recently had a memory resurface. I never fully blocked it out but I never approached it or thought about it deeply. I’ve never written it down (until now) and I never said it loud and don’t think I ever can.

When I was in second grade or so, me and this other girl were friends and she would play this game with me where she would touch me and have me touch her and like it went on for a while until I didn’t feel comfortable and I stopped hanging out with her.

She would tell me she thought of the game and would play it by herself in the shower sometimes and I don’t know I’m just writing the things I remember.

I’m freaking out. I’m crying. I don’t know how to feel. Was this just kids being curious?? If so why do I feel so weird about it?? Can you even be molested by someone who’s your age?? Was this even molestation or am I saying it because I want it to be a big deal? We never went under the pants only over. I don’t know how to react I’m freaking out I don’t know what to do.

Is this even a big deal or am I making it up to be one and freaking out for no reason???

I just feel so wrong right now.

I don’t know how to feel.

Was she molested as a kid and that’s why she was like that?

Did this affect me more than I thought? I don’t know anything I’m freaking out and I’m sorry about this word dump and thank you for listening if anyone did

[Discussion] Favorite ED-related books?
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 113.7 | GW 101 | WL 4 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:59:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rmbh/favorite_edrelated_books/
I'm craving a good read right now that speaks to my realm. I'm wondering what's on everyone else's radar that I might not know about, anything from fiction, to memoir, to YA, from relapse to recovery.

[Rant/Rave] Almost There Again!!!
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rkh6/almost_there_again/

[Rant/Rave] Has anyone 'recovered' from an eating disorder, put on more weight than they would have liked and the thought of diet and exercise scares them?
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:37:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rgfi/has_anyone_recovered_from_an_eating_disorder_put/
Hi y'all,


I first developed an eating disorder 10 years ago. I developed a very strict routine around everything that I did, down to what time of the day I woke up and fell asleep etc. I became underweight, reached my UGC and was, I thought, happy. My family didn't care so I was able to shed weight without issue.

Then a school counselor got involved. (This happened in highschool)

I decided to go into 'recovery' - not a program, just a self managed recovery w the help of my school counselor (that I had a crush on) and promises that we could be friends outside of school if I promised to recover. Unsurprising plot twist: didn't happen

So I did.. kind of. I put the weight back on and over the next few years went back and forth with relapsing and 'getting better'.

The past 5 years or so I have put on so much weight because the thought of restricting what I eat, how much, and god forbid exercising makes me terrified of relapse. So I don't do any of it.

Now I'm overweight, as is my spouse. I know I should be healthier and truth be told I don't eat a lot of junk, Im just incredibly sedentary. But even then the thought of exercise makes me worried. Weighing myself makes me scared and I cry whenever I do it.

Not sure what I'm aiming for with this post, but maybe to see if someone else has had a similar experience.

Love y'all.

Why is this sub called proED?
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:31:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90reqv/why_is_this_sub_called_proed/
I feel like a lot of the criticism we get from non-members of this community comes from people who just see the name of this sub and make their own assumptions. I'm not saying it's right for them to do so, but honestly? I get where they're coming from. If I just saw this sub without knowing anything about it I would assume it was a toxic place where people encourage each other to slowly kill themselves. Shouldn't proED instead be called EDsupport or EDcommunity or something? Isn't that a more accurate name for what actually goes on in here?

[Help] I'm sorry, this must have been asked before, but I need help
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:27:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rdrc/im_sorry_this_must_have_been_asked_before_but_i/
I know we aren't medical professionals, I am seeking help from professionals, but I have to wait for them to call back (I'm in the UK and called 111) Looking for support whilst I wait.

I'm really short of breath. I feel like there is a weight on my diaphragm and I'm not getting enough air in. I feel like my ribs ache. I am lightheaded.
I've been doing OMAD, and maybe restricting a little too hard. High restriction though 700-900cals. I've been drinking plenty, including sports drinks. I nearly passed out in the shower and I've not felt right since.
People do OMAD or IF all the time right, they don't get like this? What's going on? Can I alleviate symptoms until 111 call me back?
Any kind words? :(((

[Help] watermelon calories question
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:26:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rdfj/watermelon_calories_question/
okay i’m really sorry if this isn’t allowed but i just thought of this and now it’s freaking me out.
are watermelon seeds already counted in the official calorie value of a watermelon?? can i save calories if i spit the seeds? do people usually eat the seeds?

[Help] Do you buy clothes before or at goal weights? (AKA how much of a difference is 3kg?!?)
/u/self-destrukt [153.67 cm | 46.95 kg | 19.88 | -21.09 kg | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:05:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90r7t7/do_you_buy_clothes_before_or_at_goal_weights_aka/
I'm working on recovery right now and losing the last few pounds before maintaining for good (I hope). I have a wide range of sizes in my closet from over seven years of ridiculous weight fluctuations from my disordered behaviour. I still have dresses and tops that fit well, but I'm running into issues with pants. I can still comfortably wear my yoga pants, but my jeans are starting to be too big now that I'm at 47 kg. (I think have smaller clothing back in the UK, but I'm in California right now for work and so I have a more limited selection of UK 6-8 pants.)

I'm starting to feel really terrible about myself because wearing too big clothes (small enough to stay up, but obviously big enough to fit poorly) makes me feel larger than I am and this whole healthy weight loss is really slow. (My goal is 44 kg and I'm 5'0.)

I want to buy new pants, but I'm worried that I'll waste money if I have to replace them again once I lose the last 3 kg. But, if it takes forever to get there, I don't want to be feeling so terrible about my body (and possibly trigger a relapse) because nothing looks good on me. ARGH.

* Does anyone know how much of a difference 3 kg will make in jeans? (47kg > 44kg)
* How do you deal with clothing sizes when you're losing weight?
* Do you buy things that fit you now, things that are a little too small, or wait until you hit a goal?

[Discussion] Anyone else kinda, normalize their disorder?
/u/FinickyFireflies [5'5 | Cw: 142lbs |BMI: 23.6 |LW: 140 |GW: 110 | Non-Binary]
Created: Sat Jul 21 11:49:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90r3nn/anyone_else_kinda_normalize_their_disorder/
I go to my mom for almost everything in my life. I vent to her for most of my problems because I know she has most of the same ones (She has really bad anxiety and I'm pretty sure she has some depression). Pretty recently I had just gotten into the car with her and she asks "Hey, whats up with you?". The first response I think of was "I ate more than I wanted to today and now I feel shitty." and I felt completely normal about it too. I **almost** said it to her. Then my brain actually kicked in and I respond with a simple "I'm just tired." and that was that. And now I'm left wondering if I was really just too tired to notice what I was about to say or if I am just too used to this shit and venting online to other people with similar problems.

[Other] Vanilla Coke Zero
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 11:45:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90r2rr/vanilla_coke_zero/
Just a moment of appreciation. I actually normally hate vanilla, so I refused to budge, but the 12-count cans were on sale for $2.50. This is the nectar of the God’s. My true saviour.

Thank you, Vanilla Coke Zero

[Rant/Rave] I have to change my diet and I am afraid
/u/FitCelery3 [5'7" | 118| 18| UGW 113 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 11:41:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90r1ii/i_have_to_change_my_diet_and_i_am_afraid/
Back in March, due to a SIBO diagnosis, my holistic doctor Suggested that I eat only coconut oil for three straight weeks. Before that, I was eating a lot of steamed vegetables and lean protein, basically the PSMF diet.

The coconut oil diet actually made me lose about 10 pounds. I know it was water weight, but it made me deathly afraid of vegetables. Since then, I have basically only eaten lean protein and sometimes just coconut oil for a few days. I never eat vegetables and I am terrified of them.

Well, I think that this has dehydrated me greatly. While I’m 5’7” and 113-119 pounds depending on the week (crazy fluctuations), my body is starting to die. My legs cramp every night- CHARLIE HORSE cramping. And I’m starting to get severe pitting edema in a daily basis. I can’t do HIIT exercises because I’m weak. On top of that, I actually think that I’ve gained body fat and lost muscle.

So today I start back on PSMF. Low cal generally, egg whites, and steamed vegetables only. No alcohol, no high fat. My body is going to go wild with water fluctuations.

I don’t know what I’m asking for on here, but this sub is the best and I’d appreciate anyone’s thoughts or similar experiences.

[Help] Am I wrong?
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 132.2 & BMI: 20.1 | GW:115 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 11:20:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90qvz6/am_i_wrong/
I’m shopping around for a therapist right now and while I don’t really want help regarding my ED, I do want to speak freely about it. Today I met with another therapist for an initial appointment and for the many reasons that I don’t want to go back, a major issue for me was that she was obese. It’s not really BECAUSE she’s fat I promise. but I worry about show she would perceive me and my ED. I would be too afraid to speak openly about my relationship with food and my body without being embarrassed and feeling guilty about being normal weight and talking about myself in that way. I would feel like I was fishing for compliments even though I’m not. Like I never talk about my body/food issues in front of my overweight friends for this exact reason. When she asked me about my level of self-esteem I was honest and I still felt guilt even without mentioning weight.

My mom asked me why I didn’t want to go back and I sorta-kinda explained why without actually mentioning the real reason and she made me feel bad about it but I just...I don’t know.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Vent — Not 100% ED Related
Created: Sat Jul 21 11:12:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90qtxz/vent_not_100_ed_related/
So...like the title says...I’ll delete if that’s not okay. I love my mom. She’s also very emotionally manipulative. She has aspects of both borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. I called her out on something this morning by making her aware of how her behavior made me feel. Her response has been to cast herself as the victim and quit speaking (we live together with my husband and my infant son). It is her way to attempt to invalidate my feelings and not take responsibility for her hurtful, manipulative behaviors. She gaslights me frequently and will attribute statements to me, then blame her actions on that “I threw x away because you said y,” knowing that what she did will hurt me (in this case throwing away a family heirloom that was LITERALLY all I have of my grandfather).

When I was pregnant she constantly made comments about me “blowing up,” and how she hoped I wouldn’t have a fat baby. I was “blowing up” because of pre-eclampsia and my son was born at 5 lbs, 6 oz. (So I guess she got her wish).
He’s still underweight for his age at 11 months.

Yesterday, I told her I wasn’t eating until supper and she started in at me about “taking this dieting thing too far.” WTF??
I’ve spent the morning avoiding her and I set an appointment Wednesday to see a therapist that specializes in adult survivors of child abuse.

The irony. I’m a therapist. And I’m 40. FML.

[Discussion] Hate getting invited to go out to dinner
/u/tangerine_twist [5'8 | GW: 130 | 23.9 | 19F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 10:02:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90qbha/hate_getting_invited_to_go_out_to_dinner/
When I’m in my apartment by myself I’m super good and restricting and my numbers on the scale slowly go down. But when I go out to dinner with friends and eat something rich and drink I’ll go up 2 pounds in water weight and it feels like forever to get it back down. It’s hard to enjoy dinner when I know I’ll lose progress

[Other] Update: asked my friend.
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sat Jul 21 10:01:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90qb0i/update_asked_my_friend/

[Discussion] All my favourite shows have that one character that is my ultimate thinspo
/u/VaguelyAmusedFairy [Height 5'5'| CW 138.6| GW 123 ]
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:58:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90qaf2/all_my_favourite_shows_have_that_one_character/
Seriously, some of my all time favourite shows have that one character and UGH, I either never want to eat or hate myself more than usual (or both).

Frasier- Daphne (esp. those early seasons)

House M.D.- Cuddy

Doctor Who- Nearly all the females in Classic, Jenna Coleman/Clara in

NuWho has been my thinspo since she came on screen.

Kristen Ritter in everything

Scrubs- Elliot Reid

All cartoon females (Sarah Lynn...), all anime girls (ALL OF THEM)

Musketeers- Queen Anne

I could write a wiki page on the men too....

Lowkey, I'm a tv addict and I've been focusing on these things for years, probs why I've had some crazy weird eating patterns (that and my proclivity for forgetting to eat when I read haha).

Anyone else have theirs?

Edit: formatting

[Help] Why do normal people do this?
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:34:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90q420/why_do_normal_people_do_this/
If you're going to an event and don't know what the meal will be for lunch/dinner... why would you eat a lot beforehand? If there is a high calorie meal there as well, you're just eating a lot of calories! Doesn't it make more sense to eat lighter before and packing some granola bars/etc. in case there isn't much food?

Like, we're going to the beach for this community thing tomorrow... my parents told me we all had to eat something big beforehand because they didn't know what the food situation would be. Like... why? You'd just be eating a lot!

[Help] whats the longest "binge cycle" youve been through?
/u/painxiety [5'5" | Water-Weight Princess | 23 F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:24:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90q1l9/whats_the_longest_binge_cycle_youve_been_through/
days, weeks, months?

this past week has been all out of whack. i have been eating at or slightly above maintenance (by slightly above i mean like 100 cal) for 5 days and have gained almost six pounds (please lord let it all be water weight). i wouldnt exactly call that bingeing but last night i had 6 or 7 beers and a milkshake so it was more or less a binge.

i just want out of this cycle. how do i break it?

New scale
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:15:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pzex/new_scale/
Ugh, I found this scale online & I shouldn’t have got it but I did. It’s Bluetooth and connects to my Apple health. So I can see my stats on my phone. I’m stuck at 134. I have been for a while. But I mean that’s okay bc I’ve been binging a lot at night so I’m glad I haven’t gained a bunch but I’m still shooting for 120 :/

Is it okay to allow myself one binge day a week?
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:15:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pzdn/is_it_okay_to_allow_myself_one_binge_day_a_week/
So if you care check my previous posts, you can see I have trouble bingeing. Pretty much 90% of the time I'm never even hungry for it. I'll be hungry for my dinner that fits in with my daily calories, then i go on autopilot and just keep eating all the snacks until I could star as Aunt Marge in Prisoner of Azkaban (after she gets blown up).

Now during the week I've gotten good at fasting during the day and eating a normal dinner in the evening, sometimes with something after dinner, usually reaching maybe 1050 calories. It's the weekends I struggle with the most, because I'm home most of the time (introvert yay) with access to all our groceries. Pretty much every Saturday or Sunday these past few weeks I have had no fucking control and just keep eating and eating. As mentioned i don't even want the food, not even hungry, I just can't stop myself.

So I thought maybe I could cut myself some slack and give myself one day a week where I don't worry about the calorie count? Today it's not even dinner time and I've already hit 1800 calories in pretty much snacks (I made millionaire shortbread and I can't stop eating it, they're about 400kcal each).

Has anyone tried this? I would restrict or stick to 1,100 a day all week, and then Saturday is the day where I also star in that Pokémon episode where Snorlax eats the entire island. Would one binge a week cause mass weight gain?

[Rant/Rave] The prospect of eating in front of strangers already got me fucked up in advance
/u/averybluebitch [19f | 5'4 | CW: 52.4 kg | UGW: 48kg | 19.8]
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:10:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90py26/the_prospect_of_eating_in_front_of_strangers/
So my boyfriend's got this event later today with some of his online friends and he really wants me to go and meet them, and I really can't say no. The place is a hipsterish burger joint that doesn't have calories on the menu, so that makes me anxious enough (but I can ask for alterations so I'm positive I can manage to get a ~500 calories vegetarian burger) but there's also the thing that most of these people have never seen him (us) before, and my brain is already imploding over making a bad first impression. He's so skinnier than me, we'll look like IRL Norbit to them :\ what if everyone think I'm a burger-eating piggy, just hopping on the chance of eating out? Or a sad fatty, making all those alterations on her order and annoying the staff to make believe she' "healthy"? It's tough, my dudes.

Ah, and the cherry on top! Because *of fucking course* my bf's tiny, skinny, funny, smart and intelligent friend will be there, just to make sure I feel like complete shit in comparation.

I'll try to not eat anything until then, but my mom's in the house so idk if she'll force me to have lunch. Anyway. Wish me luck guys, I'll need it

Best way to avoid a hangover?
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:08:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pxjl/best_way_to_avoid_a_hangover/

[Rant/Rave] I’m such a fat piece of shit
/u/meineschatzi [165cm | CW: 58kg | BMI: 21.5 | GW: 52kg | 25F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:08:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pxiw/im_such_a_fat_piece_of_shit/
My flair is not updated. I am disgusting.

If I had the paracetamol here like last time, I would try and kill myself again.

Instead I’m just purging and cutting myself.

But I wish I was dead, I really do.

i'm miserable either way so what's the point
Created: Sat Jul 21 08:56:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pue5/im_miserable_either_way_so_whats_the_point/
I'm not binging as much as I used to. Now I can go days without binging. That should make me happy, right? But I don't feel anything. I'm just relieved I don't have to compensate. But food is still all I think about at any time of the day. I could be busy and I'll still think about eating, constantly waiting for my next meal. I thought I wanted to get better but now that it's happening I'm not sure anymore.

Binging made me feel things. Mostly negative things, but at least I was able to feel something. Now I don't feel anything ever. I don't have anything to look forward to, nothing to pass time, nothing to cheer me up. And honestly, I don't think I'm okay with that. I don't think I like recovery. I just want to isolate myself and binge and purge all day.

I know bulimia (and all eating disorders) is dangerous and bad for your health, but I don't care. It's all I have, all that makes me happy even for just a moment. Food is the only thing I can always count on. I don't care if my eating disorder kills me. That would be a good way to go, for me. And I know when I move out on my own, I'll probably let it completely consume me. I honestly don't see myself 100% recovering. My therapist thinks I do want to recover or that I love myself just because I recently went 7 days without binging. But she doesn't know in those days I restricted and exercised and I did it just so I wouldn't get fat.

This doesn't make any sense. I'm sorry, I'm a mess.

[Help] [Help] Low calorie way to turn protein powder into a protein bar
/u/pailblusea [5'6.5"| CW 126.8 | BMI 20.5 | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 08:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pq4j/help_low_calorie_way_to_turn_protein_powder_into/
On mobile, can't flair.

The recipes I see are to mix the protein powder with coconut oil but the coconut oil is too many calories for me to get past.

Any ideas? I need to just use up this protein powder already and looking for something quick and easy to make...

[Discussion] Compliments make me angry?
Created: Sat Jul 21 08:37:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pps9/compliments_make_me_angry/
Lately people have been noticing my weight loss and saying I look great but I'm still overweight according to BMI. Instead of being happy about the positive attention, I feel disgusted and upset about how bad I must have looked before if they think this is good. I know I definitely don't look good in an objective sense so they must just be trying to encourage me. Does that make any sense at all? Am I just being hyper negative? I feel guilty about it, but their compliments make me feel kind of angry. Does anyone else feel like this?

[Rant/Rave] My fat clothes make me feel frustrated...
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Sat Jul 21 08:07:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pivb/my_fat_clothes_make_me_feel_frustrated/
I bought clothes at my highest weight ~190ish(I didn't weight myself for a starting point until after a month of dieting and exercise so this is my best guess). And everything I bought was a size 12, but stretchy. Literally all my pants are stretchy. So almost 50lbs later they all still fit.

And it just makes me feel awful. Like part of me knows it's because they were stretched to capacity before, but I feel like they should start being loose at the waist by now. They're probably more baggy throughout the leg than they were before but I honestly can't see much change. I feel like my scale is going to keep dropping but I'll never actually be any smaller.

I tried going shopping for a new pair too see what size I am now, and I couldn't do it. I used to be a size 0, and picking up any of the bigger sizes knowing they're definitely still too small was just too much for me.

[Rant/Rave] 4kg (8.8lbs) down, smaller achievement but I'm so happy 😊
Created: Sat Jul 21 07:35:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pbhl/4kg_88lbs_down_smaller_achievement_but_im_so_happy/

Anybody else's birthday on August 20th?
/u/onthewaydownnn [25F 5'7" HW: 188 CW: 145 GW: 118]
Created: Sat Jul 21 07:05:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90p5bv/anybody_elses_birthday_on_august_20th/
I am looking for an accountability buddy to stay strong and to my food plan every single day up until my birthday. I have a goal I promised I'd reach by **August 20th (130 lbs)**, and then another by the time I fly to CA for the week of **Thanksgiving (120 pounds)**. Now that the first goal date is so close, I can't afford to eff up.

On my birthday, I plan to have a ***glorious cheat day*** and spend the entire day with my husband experiencing freedom around food, and then going right back to my food plan to reach my ultimate goal weight by Thanksgiving.

Anyone want to be accountability buddies and connect through private messages every day before we go to sleep? Just to check in and send a screen shot of our daily intake, or talk about how hard it was, etc. I just really need someone to talk to so I keep my priorities straight!

[Rant/Rave] fuck clothes shopping
Created: Sat Jul 21 06:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90p2vk/fuck_clothes_shopping/
I went clothes shopping today.
I'm weirdly euphoric but also wtf. I bought a really cute trans flag themed outfit. I generally bought cute af clothes.
yet here I am.
In every shop I went, I got clothes sized L, M, jeans in 40 and in case they don't fit, 42.
It showed me how in denial of my body I am to be honest. Every single thing, I had to get out and get a size smaller. And then it was still too big. I only bought clothes in US size 6 for bottoms and S for tops. And they're still loose.
I was afraid to buy XS, in case I'll gain weight. Realistically I probably won't.
body dysmorphia fucking sucks.
I was convinced, throughly, that everything has to be sized wrong and I lowkey still am. There's no way I fit into S. There's no way this can even be real. I know S is not super tiny, I'm normal weight but I'm in denial about the fact that I'm not wearing plus size.
fuck clothes, fuck sizes, why can't everything just magically be cute and fit me.

[Discussion] Anyone else have a Purge Playlist?
Created: Sat Jul 21 06:34:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90oz8l/anyone_else_have_a_purge_playlist/
I have a really strong relationship with music; I have a playlist for sleep, eating, gym, restricting, morning routine, going to work etc. I made a playlist for purging with is timed so that my 'pump up' songs play while i'm actually doing it, and then my 'cool down' music plays afterwards. Does anybody else do this?

Some of the songs on mine are: Thanatos (Evangelion Soundtrack), Plastic Love (Tatsuro Yamashita), Keep Trying (Utada Hikaru) and The Wolf (Siames) during purging, then Here Comes a Thought (Steven Universe), Tsubasa wo Kudasi (Evangelion), Seabird (Alessi Brothers), Eat (Zion.T) and Я Вас Люблю (Dmitri Hvorostovsky) afterwards. I like the slower ones for the comedown because sometimes i'm too tired to do anything except nap. It's a pretty long playlist, since I tend to purge for up to an hour with short rests in between.

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! July 21, 2018
Created: Sat Jul 21 06:11:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ouuz/stupid_questions_saturday_july_21_2018/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for July 21, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

Daily Food Diary! July 21, 2018
Created: Sat Jul 21 06:10:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90oumj/daily_food_diary_july_21_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for July 21, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] Down 2 cups sizes in only a few weeks
/u/kernalmustache [5'7" ♀ | CW 100lbs | BMI 15.9 | SW 130lbs]
Created: Sat Jul 21 04:59:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90oisa/down_2_cups_sizes_in_only_a_few_weeks/
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHH!!! Is it too much to ask for to just lose belly weight and not everything else? Like over the past month or so I've been losing a lot of leg fat instead of belly fat which I guess I'm glad for since I was down to a 23" waist and my legs were still so huge (somebody told me leg fat is the last to go, I wonder if that's true), but I'm not just losing fat from my thighs. I measured myself a few weeks ago and my bra size 26DD, but now it's only 26C! I'm really shocked I even still have anything to lose there... Why does it seem like so many girls can be thin and still have a feminine figure, but when I lose weight I just end up looking like... this! I mean, I know the answer, but it's not fair and there's nothing I can do about it. Either way I'm going to hate my body, and well I guess if I choose to be thin that at least means I don't have to spend as much on food. I don't even know if my breasts would be bigger if I put on weight anyway. I guess until recently they were still getting bigger despite me losing weight, so maybe they would, but also maybe I'll just put on fat everywhere else and hate myself for two reasons.

[Rant/Rave] Scheming on how to avoid the bacon being cooked for me.
/u/clammyjmoosen [5'10" | CW: 132 | 28F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 04:49:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90oh9o/scheming_on_how_to_avoid_the_bacon_being_cooked/
I'm visiting a friend's grandmother on a road trip together. We were going to go out to breakfast, where I could get by with just a coffee or a fruit salad or something, but my friend wanted grandma's cooking... Now I'm hiding in bed trying to come up with excuses to give, restrictions I can make later, workouts I'll do tomorrow, and just dreaming of my normal breakfast. I wish I could just say no without hurting her feelings! Or, more realistically, I wish I could just eat the damn breakfast. I bet it's delicious.

[Other] it makes me so upset how other people view this sub.
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 181 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Sat Jul 21 03:54:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90o91y/it_makes_me_so_upset_how_other_people_view_this/
i've been on reddit for a while now and this has seriously been the most supportive community i've been a part of. i don't know anyone here personally but everytime i go on here to post a rant or talk through an issue i'm having, no matter how trivial, you guys always do your best to be as empathetic to my situation as you can be and for that, i am so grateful. i'm a part of other communities (i.e. r/teenagers, r/loseit, r/1200isplenty) and it honestly makes me sick to see some of the posts -- even worse, the super toxic circle jerk people get into regarding this subreddit. i get the title is a bit misleading so no wonder people are concerned. however, there's a fine line between expressing concern and blatantly spreading misinformation. it's like -- just because we talk and relate with one another about our experiences, we're suddenly "pro-whatever-eating-disorder" when we're *literally* just trying to fucking talk about our experiences. like, no one gives subreddits like r/depression shit for talking through their mental disorder or disordered thoughts so why is a subreddit like this one given shit for trying to the exact same thing? what pisses me off even more is that people have become so desensitized or have normalized jokes regarding mental disorders -- fuck, even jokes about suicide (i'm not saying it's right or wrong, but it's definitely a reality) but i talk about feeling bad for going over >1000 calories which i realize is unhealthy anyway and people feel the need to patronize me like they think i don't already know that. anyway.. lol, i dont rly know how to flair this. mainly a rant. also just wanted to let you guys know that i love you all so, so much and was also wondering what your guises' thoughts were.

Things to do other than eating (bingeing)? Let’s make a list...
Created: Sat Jul 21 03:12:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90o2xr/things_to_do_other_than_eating_bingeing_lets_make/
I want to put a list together of things to do when I feel like bingeing. A list of things I must do instead.

The more the better really... could be anything from self care, exercise, cleaning, anything!

I’ll start with these... please add to my list <3

1. Vacuum whole apartment
2. Enjoy an herbal tea
3. Go for a walk around the block (if it’s light out)
4. Have a bath
5. Do a face mask
6. Do a work out video
7. Watch a movie
8. Go for a drive
9. Read a few chapters of a book
10. Clean the bathroom properly
11. Change my bed sheets
12. Learn new song on guitar

[Goal] My ex's girlfriend is a model
Created: Sat Jul 21 02:47:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90nz7a/my_exs_girlfriend_is_a_model/
And she's EVERYWHERE. I can't look through instagram without seeing an ad of her in it. I knew he always liked super skinny girls and I was the one exception in his track record. He broke up with me, and now I can see why. By September, I'm going to be skinnier than her. I'm going to be the girl of his dreams. But I'm not going to let that asshole near me. He'll be forced to think about what he's lost while I'm moving on :) :) :)

[Discussion] DAE go through periods of “normalcy”?
Created: Sat Jul 21 00:20:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90nbm3/dae_go_through_periods_of_normalcy/
Okay so... I used to be a person with a high functioning ED (like, 300cal/day, etc.) but for the last few months or so... it’s like I just… went back to normal?? (maybe it’s summer break brain, who knows)

It’s not like I’ve recovered or anything, I still get triggered or something... but I stopped trying to force myself to restrict as heavily. Like, a month ago, I would literally cry and dry heave if I ever went above 1000cal a day, but now i’m perfectly fine with eating a good 100cal above my TDEE...

I haven’t gained much weight since then (just water weight) but I feel like i’ll snap out of it any second and go back to shivering in 90 degree heat and crying over going 50cal over my calorie goal.

Anyways, I just wanted to ask if any of y’all have gone through phases where your ED has been pushed to the back burner, or could it be i’m finally going into recovery? (not likely tho lmao)

What safe food do you prepare that's not easy for someone else to make because it's so specific?
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 114.2 | GW 101 | WL 3 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 00:15:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90nawe/what_safe_food_do_you_prepare_thats_not_easy_for/
For me, it's these black bean sweet potato 'fudge' brownies that I make pretty much every few days, and practically live off of. Two for breakfast, two for dinner. And then a bunch of veggies and beans for lunch. I used to eat energy bars on the regular, but something about the ingredients would make me nauseous, from like Power Bars to Meta RX. (I get nauseous pretty easily and can't even really do pre-packaged diet foods, so I envy people able to bear and live off diet/zero calorie stuff.) If I would eat them on an empty stomach I would just feel so sick all day. I thought beans would be an interesting/natural thing to research for protein, and I finally found a black beans bar recipe with sweet potato. It basically has black beans (that I make from dry beans), sweet potato (that I pre-cook), cocoa powder, baking powder, maple syrup, salt, vanilla, coconut oil, vegan mini chocolate chips, and coconut sprinkles on top (last two optional, depending on how restrictive I'm feeling.) They're about 100-120 cals each (depending on size/added ingredients). So, the base recipe is something I got online, but I made all of these modifications to it based on my needs. For instance, the original recipe calls for 1/3 of coconut oil, but I put about half of that much, because I don't want all the fat and also, the bars hold together better with less of the oil. It also calls for you to cut them in 12 bars, but I always cut them into 16. And—important—I'm fairly pale, and I started getting that orange hue because of all of the beta carotene going in my system, so now I make the bars with strictly with white sweet potatoes, and sometimes even white beans. Also, the bars don't hold that well because there isn't any egg or wheat, so you have to freeze them a little, and then I cut them and wrap each in plastic wrap, and put them in the fridge. The best part about them is they fulfill my sweet tooth needs and are also fairly filling, with natural ingredients, and I know exactly what are in them.

Anyway, sometimes I feel so alone in my meticulous attention to detail with food consumption, and like the specific ways I prepare it. My behavior is so abnormal compared to most people I know, who freely eat meat, fast food, cheese... and I'm always that weird one in the corner eating like, riced cauliflower rolled up into seaweed snacks or whatever the eff, and it's because i generally prefer it. I'm not shy about my preferences, and because I've been so consistent about it, people always are nice and sensitive about having at least a veggie dish for me at parties. (I never ask them to, as I always keep my own safe snacks on hand anyway—that's another thing people don't seem to understand. They always want to make sure to accommodate me, but I'm not a 'foodie' obviously have my disordered eating patters and always make my own accommodations...) But like, sometimes I just feel alone about it. I know part of it is that it takes so much time. But that's another thing is, at least with prep and planning, is that time also keeps me occupied and distracted. Anyways. Does anyone else have their thing that they always make? Or even just plan for to have on hand?

Liquid fast : do smoothies count?
Created: Sat Jul 21 00:14:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90napd/liquid_fast_do_smoothies_count/
I'm guessing not because my (3 serving, I split them up) smoothies are 500 calories (170 a piece)

I add milk, plain yogurt and a bunch of frozen fruit+kale and spinach.
Could I drink smoothies on a liquid fast?

Moving to Japan in a Month
Created: Sat Jul 21 00:12:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90nae0/moving_to_japan_in_a_month/
And I'm a goddamn whale. All my fat is in my stomach.

CW: 140

Height: 5ft 3

GW1: 120

It wont even be the ED brain telling me this, the average weight of a Japanese woman in my age group is 112 (as of 2016). Everyone will be dainty and small, drowning in cutesy baggy clothes. Meanwhile I'll be sweating in my spanx and chub rub chafing all over the place. It sounds really mean and I hate myself for this but I rely on seeing reverse thinspo out in public to remind myself I'm not that big, but now there wont be any reverse thinspo. I doubt I can shed 20 lbs to at least be presentable in time and I'm scared ill really hurt myself if I try, but I'm also scared I'll binge back up to my HW out of anxiety. And I binged today, so fasting tomorrow.

Also I joined peach. Same name. Follow me there please.

Four day binge
Created: Fri Jul 20 23:41:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90n4vf/four_day_binge/
I usually restrict to 800cals. The last four days I’ve been eating 1500-1800 calories.

I’d had a cold for 10days that wouldn’t go away so I thought maybe my body needed extra energy temporarily to help me feel better. Now I’m finding it really hard to restrict back to 800. Any tips?

My family sabotaged me
Created: Fri Jul 20 23:25:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90n1xl/my_family_sabotaged_me/
Today was going to be a good day, yesterday i didn’t binge, today I ate kind of correctly, only purged once, my fridge and cupboard were empty, I had absolute control over what food can come to this apartment, then, when I came back from work, my family was all here and they filled all spaces with food, theres food even on the table, they said this week my sis and a friend is staying here, but they bought food for an army, i’m really scared, everything fell out of control, they left(my sis and her friend are coming back tomorrow) and I had another binge episode, I’m out of control, my throat hurts, my nails are bleeding, i’m too tired to exercise again, i don’t know how to burn it all, I don’t know why I’m telling you guys, you probably are the only ones that can understand the helpless felling while forced to be around so much food, i wish I could make it disappear

[Help] But seriously, how many calories in pills?
Created: Fri Jul 20 23:02:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mxok/but_seriously_how_many_calories_in_pills/
I take meds for mental health (they all cause weight gain, fun fact)… and it's driving me crazy that those tiny little things could have calories. Am I stupid? Do pills even have calories? Someone please send me some solid advice.

Youtubers for motivation?
/u/laisserai [4'11| cw: 🐳 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:51:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mvkq/youtubers_for_motivation/
Watching videos of youtubers can either make or break me.

Watching Trisha Paytas mukbangs make me so hungry but watching Youtubers like Amberlynn Reid make me want to keep fasting.

What are some youtubers you guys watch?

It’s kind of upsetting that guys don’t find my eating disorder attractive but they only find me attractive after my eating disorder
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:49:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mv4d/its_kind_of_upsetting_that_guys_dont_find_my/
Just feeling the feels

[Goal] I finally got my whoosh and hit my next goal!
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mttg/i_finally_got_my_whoosh_and_hit_my_next_goal/
So I had back surgery near the end of May and I was weighing in at 193. I recently realized that I was 181 and I had lost 12 pounds. Well that kicked my ass into gear and I have been restricting/fasting for the past 2 weeks, but I swear I wasn't seeing progress. I would dance around 178-181, not making any headway. It didn't make sense!

Well, this morning I woke up 174, 1 pound past my 175 goal. I nearly cried, I have been on a high all day. I can't exactly work out yet, my body still hurts, but I am so excited to in August when I have the go ahead from my doctor. So excited, guys. Sorry, I didn't know who else to tell.

[Help] Best laxatives
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:26:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mqiq/best_laxatives/
I’m looking for natural ones so my parents don’t get suspicious.

[Other] For all my binge eaters out there ...
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:26:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mqig/for_all_my_binge_eaters_out_there/

[Rant/Rave] It's definitely a binge
/u/whataurban [6'1" | 155 | 19.52 | 0 | M2F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:13:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mo2c/its_definitely_a_binge/

Religion and cheat days/not binging not restriction
/u/Anonymous_fiend [ 5'3 | CW:123lbs | HW:145 LW:83]
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:03:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mlxs/religion_and_cheat_daysnot_binging_not_restriction/
Should I feel guilty? I ate under TDEE at 1232. I applied and had an interview today so I feel very accomplished. The main reason I felt justified was religious reasons. Today I am supposed to be more joyous and drink more. I want to keep my religious beliefs by beating my Ed for one day and push myself for G-d. This Sunday is a religious fast day so I'd feel extra bad not celebrating for G-d too. I feel kinda ashamed wanting to eat less even though it's not holy on Shabbat. Does your ED ever cause religious problems.

[Goal] Survived my first <24 hour fast!
Created: Fri Jul 20 21:58:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mkup/survived_my_first_24_hour_fast/
Previously, my longest fast was 23 hours. Never got the opportunity to do a 24 hour fast, which was one of my goals. Then 2 days ago, after a binge of way too many cookies and chocolate bars I decided to go for a 20 hour fast.
Next day I felt terrible, symptoms of a cold were hitting hard which made me lose my appetite. It doesn’t help I’ve got (hereditary) low blood pressure, so for lunch I had a sports drink (110 cal) that made me way too full to break the fast. I had PE after and somehow survived from playing rounders, even managed to score a rounder. When I got home I showered and took a nap past dinner, ended up sleeping for 13 hours.
I’m on hour 38 and plan on breaking in 2 hours with 200 cal worth of salty pretzels and fruit. It’s still hard to believe I went over 24 hours!!

I'm a little drunk... and way over calories.
/u/oldesoul96 [32F | 5'4" | HW 270 lbs| CW 161 | BMI 27.7]
Created: Fri Jul 20 21:30:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mep3/im_a_little_drunk_and_way_over_calories/
I am tired of fighting binge eating and I just want to be tiny and I want my husband to think I am sexy and want me. But I keep fucking up because binge eating disorder is a bitch and I have to pretend to be okay because my daughter is watching.

[Rant/Rave] first binge in a while.
Created: Fri Jul 20 21:11:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mape/first_binge_in_a_while/
fuck this. i was doing so well restricting and tonight i went and ate so fucking much. i hate myself. i can never fucking stick to anything. i purged but i still like shit for eating so much. i was just going to eat a relatively low cal wrap and it turned into this.... what’s wrong with me lol. i hate my eating disorder. i just want to be normal.

Why does my family feel the need to comment on what I eat every time we go out?
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Fri Jul 20 21:02:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90m8oa/why_does_my_family_feel_the_need_to_comment_on/
Like, shut up. Shut. Up. It's always the same thing too "wow you must've been hungry, you wolfed that down. geez, you ate that so fast, hahaha." like? yea cause I got a third of the amount of food that you did and you've been talking so much the whole time that I can't get a word in edgewise so I've been eating while you haven't. Shut up!!!! Stop saying how much and how quickly I ate. My food was 600 calories (and the only thing I've eaten in 24 hours), you have 3 plates and a full-calorie drink in front of you, we've had our food for half an hour now, of course I'm done. Ugh, but everytime they say something like that I feel so sick and guilty that I have to go to the bathroom and purge. I hate it. I used to use going out to eat as a cheat day where I could order any dish I wanted and just enjoy my time and food but that's ruined now. Now the whole experience is just more calorie counting and guilt.

Does anyone want to make a snapchat group?
Created: Fri Jul 20 20:34:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90m2c4/does_anyone_want_to_make_a_snapchat_group/
I think that it would be fun and a good way to be able to talk to people about more day to day ED stuff that isn't rly worthy of posting here. And just a good way to make friends and have even more community :-) Idk anyone else struggling with this so it'd be nice to be able to snapchat and talk (complain lol) to some pals about it. DM me if you are down with your snap username!!

[Discussion] Brain fog is too real
Created: Fri Jul 20 20:27:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90m0uw/brain_fog_is_too_real/
I’ve been fogging up forgetting things and just been plain stupid lately and the fact I smoked weed yesterday too doesnt help my situation either I’m going to try vitamins and read again because this has been absolutely ridiculous 😂 anyone else feel like this?

I feel disgusting
Created: Fri Jul 20 20:17:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lylf/i_feel_disgusting/
For the past two weeks I've been counting calories and trying to restrict but then I always end up binging then purging, then it can start all over again, my stomach shrunk and my appetite has gone down but my cravings haven't and today I ate a chesesteak, purged, then when my bf got home he brought sushi and I ate again, but couldn't bring myself to purge cuz I didn't eat that much but my stomach didn't like the food and then I ate a whole bag of Terra chips and I hate myself and wish I could really restrict and fast but I can't cuz I always want to be on gross foods then I feel gross and hate myself and I've gained so much weight since I had my son and I'm the highest I've ever been in my life and I really hate myself. I'm over 200 lbs!! I don't even know how I let this happen!!!

my dad said i was getting thin in the face and for some fucked reason it encouraged me
Created: Fri Jul 20 20:07:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lwbc/my_dad_said_i_was_getting_thin_in_the_face_and/
he said like “you’re losing a lot of weight, you’re getting too thin” and i said “no i’m not” he replied with “yeah you are, you can even see it in your face” i wish that didn’t encourage me. he said it in front of my girlfriend too and it made me feel proud?? i’m so fucking upset with myself teheh i’m gonna go purge now toodles i ate too much

What keeps you going?
/u/spaghetti_girl [5'3" | CW: 121 | GW: 105 | 20F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 20:06:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lw4u/what_keeps_you_going/
This is only very loosely related to EDs, but I feel like a lot of us also struggle with other areas of mental health as well.

I haven't been to work since Tuesday. I keep calling in sick and saying I have a fever but I'm literally fine. I just cant get out of bed. I can't see the point of anything. If there was a secret button I could press to just end it all and make it look like a tragic accident, I would press that button so fking fast. But sadly, I don't think that button exists and I have enough of a heart left to worry about my family.

Probably anyone that reads this would be like, "yup, it's called depression, dude. just go to a therapist." But I dont have the money to pay for that and I'm too much of a pussy to see if my university would give me free counseling even though I'm not currently enrolled in classes. I'm not sure it'd even help anyway.

Basically, this is just a long winded introduction to the question: What keeps you all here? How get out of bed? I'm pretty desperate to find some reasoning I can hold on to these days 🌧

[Help] Failed Salt Water Flush??
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:113 |GW:100 | 21F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:55:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ltix/failed_salt_water_flush/
Ok, so I decided to try a salt water flush to kill this plateau. I’ve never done one before but I tried to research as much as possible beforehand! I used sea salt and everything and drank it last night and GUESS WHO IS LITERALLY 3.5 POUNDS HEAVIER AND DIDNT EVEN POOP!!!!
I drank the saltwater last night on an empty stomach and it made my stomach make awful noises but I didn’t throw up or make any BMs so like???? Wtf???? Today I was extra nauseous and ate under 300cal but I haven’t pooped at all so I’m wondering if I did something wrong?
I just wanted to kill my plateau and instead I made it worse! I’ve been laughing at myself but really I’m about to mcfreaking lose it 🙃

Heart Murmur
/u/buzzcutseesun [6' Male | CW: 152.4 | GW: 130 | HW: 200]
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:43:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lqwh/heart_murmur/
Anyone have one? Just went for a physical today and my doctor wants me to see a cardiologist about a possible heart murmur. Hoping it’s nothing...just wondering if anyone has dealt with this before?


[Rant/Rave] I’m 87 pounds- and no matter what I eat i’m always hungry???
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:40:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lq81/im_87_pounds_and_no_matter_what_i_eat_im_always/
so i’ve been maintaining 87 pounds for a few weeks now. Doing really well and eating 1,300 calories a day, eating healthy and leaving a few hundred calories for unexpected stuff every day, or for some type of desert. (I don’t want to lose more weight because I still want to have some femininity in my body). Most days I am super hungry (like restriction hungry) even though I increased my intake by 500-600 calories every day, but it’s a bearable hunger. Today was a rough day for non ED reasons alone honestly. But just to make it worse, just when I had 400 calories left my mom brought McDonalds. And I was planning on making a salad, but I had to eat the McDonalds.......and honestly? It tasted sooo good. I haven’t had fast food- or anything relatively unhealthy in months. I felt like pre ED times in a way. And it didn’t feel like I was eating just to eat (aka binge), I felt like I was filling a void. As I was eating my stomach was still growling. And now- 1,500 calories later, it’s still growling- i’m not bloated, and I honestly could eat more if I wanted to. I’m still as hungry I would be if I ate an itty bitty salad. And honestly it scares me. My stomach is a bottomless pit. I was always hungry when I was restricting, but now I’m maintaining- so shouldn’t I be full right now?? Ugh. Idk, I’m just scared at my own body and upset at myself for eating that. I hate binges.

[Rant/Rave] Bf trying to help, makes it worse ugh
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lpu1/bf_trying_to_help_makes_it_worse_ugh/
Today me and my bf where trying to find a place to eat and I always have a hard time trying to think of a place I wanna go cause truth be told, I dont really ever want to eat and it causes me anxiety to even go out to eat at all. So we settled on tacos and he could tell I was obviously having a hard time. He means well... but went on to tell me how I shouldn't be worried about gaining weight and how my tdee was 1800 (which it's not its 1600 last time I checked, i think I'd know my own tdee lol) so i shouldn't worry about gaining weight and that as long as I'm eating "healthy" it's good. Also went on to talk about starvation mode and you gain weight blah blah blah ( why does no one believe us when we tell them you actually WILL lose weight eating less) anyways, it made me feel bad on different levels. One, he doesnt really know how this illness works. Two, seeing him concerned about me makes me sad, I know it cant be fun to watch your SO starve themselves. I've never told him the true thoughts that go through my head, like how I'd love to be a skeleton and/or die basically, or the lowest cals the better. I think it might be too disturbing to him... ugh, I just feel sad. Having to confront these thoughts from the point of view of someone who isnt disordered is really sad to me. But who am I without my ed? I'm not ready to say goodbye to it.
Ahh thanks to who ever actually reads this, you guys are the only people who understand these thoughts and feelings.

[Discussion] Accidentally Outed Myself
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:38:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lpqs/accidentally_outed_myself/
Had some new hires at work and he mentioned donuts. My idiot ED mouth mentioned that I just don’t eat those.

The conversation turned to what I do eat and for some idiot reason I decided to tell the truth. “Oh coffee and water for breakfast, then lunch is baked chicken and greens and maybe a grain...”

Coworker: “And that’s it?!”
Me: “Yeah, for lunch.”
Coworker: “Are you...trying to lose weight?”
Me: *forced laugh* “Oh no! I just naturally have a small appetite because I’m small”

Then I proceeded to talk all about the food accounts I follow on Instagram as if that proves I don’t have a fucked relationship with food.

So pretty sure I’m taking the cake for biggest dummy today 🙄

just discovered a new way to suppress my appetite!
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 113| LW: 110 |HW: 134|UGW: 105|19F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:32:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lobp/just_discovered_a_new_way_to_suppress_my_appetite/
c/s an entire family sized bag of chex mix! you won't feel hungry anymore because your mouth is on fire from being scratched to hell and your jaw aches so badly you don't even want to open it for food! the diet dr pepper i'm drinking right now is burning the roof of my mouth so badly i don't even think i can finish it. just little ED things!

Created: Fri Jul 20 19:26:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ln3x/goddamnit/
I just created an account to post things relating to my disordered eating and other related issues. I was SO sure that I was only curious about these subreddits. That browsing them intermittently...then more regularly...then daily was fine, I was *juuuust curious*.

But yeah, its not just that. I weighed roughly 180lbs at my highest, my freshman year of high school. Bulimia happened to cope with emotional issues. The weight loss spurred it on until around 18/19 when I found out I was having some circulation/heart issues, and needed just shy of about 20 fillings in my teeth.

I don't honestly remember how I found this subreddit. But it stuck with me. And I came back...because...well...originally, yes, it was curiosity. But the last few months have been overwhelming and I found comfort in this community.

I am in a comfortable relationship and it allowed me to gain back to 145ish lbs. Aside from my relationship, I feel like my life has been a mess. I feel disappointed in myself, for both the slow weight gain and many other things. But restricting and compensating... this has let me feel some victory.

And at the same time... I feel its *fucking duuuumb*, because I have plenty of other things to focus on or be proud about.

How fucking fucked.

Thanks for reading/minorly letting me rant. I don't "get things out" as much as I should.

[Other] Omg, I think we all need this
/u/sadbean17 [156 | 58kg | 24 | 18F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:21:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90llsm/omg_i_think_we_all_need_this/
Although im kinda skeptical of it?

*Processing img oqi9s1and7b11...*

Apparently I am not sexy anymore
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:45:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ldgl/apparently_i_am_not_sexy_anymore/
My not really boyfriend (it's so complicated) decided to tell me I'm not sexually attractive anymore. Apparently he thinks my body is sexy and that I am good at sex but my whole personality is just not attractive. He also said I act like his mother so yeah

Torn between buying a whole new wardrobe (one that I will hate because i am still a whale) and just starving until I feel better.

He says the problem isnt mweight, he hates me skinny but that's the only thing I can change. I don't feel like eating ever again

[Rant/Rave] Binge o clock
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:43:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ld32/binge_o_clock/
I’ve never had issues with binging in the past my ed is just revolves around restriction and I feel like I’ve been doing quite well recently (eating healthier, taking vitamins, finding a good calorie amount to eat) and today I finally understand what binging truly means. I’m so disappointed and disgusted in myself but me and my best friend kind of had a little fight today (I wouldn’t even consider it a fight) but that’s beside the point- and it ABSOLUTELY triggered me I just ate the rest of the pizza and I’m about to devour some more food because it’s been so long and I feel even more awful over the fight than the number on the scale I know I’m gonna regret this later but I just need to feel again

[Discussion] Experiences with alli?
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:41:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lcmc/experiences_with_alli/
Has anyone used alli? Would it be useful to take if i know i’m going to binge/have already binged? Thinking of combining it with laxatives in the future because hey, if i’m going to be glued to the toilet the next morning id rather have some calories come out with everything...

[Help] I feel empty, mentally and physically.
/u/mu514 [160 cm • 45~50 kg • F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:29:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90l9s1/i_feel_empty_mentally_and_physically/
I really did think a lot of my problems would ease up once I reached my goal weight. At least, that I would be better able to handle them and other stresses. Clearly, it didn't turn out that way.

ED aside.

It seems when something good happens, in the moment, I feel happy, but then I feel empty. I feel happy, but then it doesn't feel right. I am tired and lethargic and apathetic otherwise.

This is like the calm before the storm. I already know that I have severe depression, but what is happening right now is confusing me. I feel happy at times, yet ultimately everything feels empty to me. I'm no stranger to suicidal thoughts and attempts, but I thought I'd left those behind. Apparently not.

I've lost my purpose. I don't really know why I keep going forward anymore. I used to be motivated by a successful future with my SO, but it's no longer enough. Even though we are still together, I'm distancing myself from him and everyone around me. I prefer isolation because that is what is comfortable. It feels the safest.

I don't know if my ED is exacerbating this or not. Probably. All I know is that it would not be safe to keep om going this way. I'm lost and tired and starving for genuine happiness.

Does torso length affect bmi?
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:20:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90l7pl/does_torso_length_affect_bmi/
I've tried to look this up and I've found some studies about how using sitting height for bmi is more accurate but I can't find out how to calculate that.

I am aware that I have body dysmorphia but it's still unsettling to think I may be bigger than the numbers indicate. I feel like I really need the numbers to have something objective, and then I find reasons to think they're still wrong. Ugh.

Just wondering if anyone else has thought about this or has any insight.

What’s the point
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:04:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90l3tf/whats_the_point/
I already fucked up after weeks of working so hard and ate a bad lunch and then I had therapy that I honestly look forward to more than anything lately which says a lot. So I was thinking at least today could feel healthy in some way, but then what happens at least monthly happened again, where my therapist asks me to think about why I’m there or something along the line of just looking for my feelings I guess, but of course I take it personally and assume she’s asking me why I’m there because she wishes I wasn’t. And I already don’t want to be alive. I already feel like I’m this massive fucking burden. The idea of even my therapist not being able to stand me is almost comically unfair and also exactly what I expect and deserve. I don’t even know what I’m saying. I came home and I fought it but I finally gave up and I’m drinking when I really thought I was getting better and I wasn’t going to drink emotionally anymore. And I thought I quit cutting even though I do it so many times after swearing I won’t, but I’m already having that battle and I doubt I will win it tonight. And I’m looking at the week ahead trying to plan exactly how to starve the entire week because I refuse to kill myself until I hit my goal weight, and maybe somehow that magic number will make me want to be alive, or maybe I can fight to pass it and go far enough to damage myself enough to finally die. I don’t know why I’m writing this I just want someone to give a shit about me for once I’ll delete this like I delete all the stupid shit I post

[Discussion] DAES cook for other people to make themselves less hungry?
Created: Fri Jul 20 17:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kyca/daes_cook_for_other_people_to_make_themselves/
I find that if I’ve not eaten all day, but I shop and cook for my boyfriend when he gets home, it resets my hunger/cravings.

It’s like the ritual is enough.

Tonight I’m making okonomiyaki for him, but I plan to have an apricot and 1/4 of a kinder bueno stick.. and probably a beer.

How do you numb yourself?
Created: Fri Jul 20 17:21:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kt6r/how_do_you_numb_yourself/
Some people use drugs, alcohol, cutting, shopping, shoplifting, sex, starving themselves, etc. But for some reason, food is the only thing that works for me. I wish it was anything but that.

Just another binge eater

[Rant/Rave] Can I just give a shout-out to this spiked Seltzer's trend? I wish all alcohol had calories listed on it
Created: Fri Jul 20 17:12:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kqyv/can_i_just_give_a_shoutout_to_this_spiked/

[Rant/Rave] Can I just give a shout-out to this spiked seltzer trend? I wish all alcohol had nutrition facts on it.
Created: Fri Jul 20 17:01:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ko53/can_i_just_give_a_shoutout_to_this_spiked_seltzer/
[100 calories of grapefuity goodness](https://i.imgur.com/oGYuYiO.jpg)

Alright guys, dress up, who was it
/u/tuesdayschildis [5'7|132 lb|20.6|GW:125]
Created: Fri Jul 20 16:50:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kl1l/alright_guys_dress_up_who_was_it/

[Rant/Rave] Diet drinks.
/u/Flyingpapers [5'1 | CW:130 | BMI: 24.5 | SW:145 | 20 F ]
Created: Fri Jul 20 16:33:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kgu0/diet_drinks/
Nobody will ever understand my need for it to be diet, i just sat and cried in a toilet for 30 minutes because they gave me an 80 calorie drink instead of a 2 calorie drink and when i asked them to change it they said i needed to pay more, i feel like absolute shit and i’m kind of drink right now.

i’m moving flats tomorrow and i feel too fat to do anything, my eating has gone down the drain and i honestly just want to curl up into a ball and disappear.

sorry for the rant i love you guys so much

[Rant/Rave] just tell me i look unhealthy for once
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Fri Jul 20 16:32:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kgm7/just_tell_me_i_look_unhealthy_for_once/
i dont look anorexic
i dont look unhealthy
i look healthy. i reckon i look around a bmi of 19 or 20.
why cant people see me and think im unhealthily skinny

even cutting remarks from strangers telling me to eat more or calling me anorexic would be fine

but im not skinny enough. when will i be skinny enough to look like i have a problem.

Help for the morrow
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Fri Jul 20 16:04:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k940/help_for_the_morrow/
y'all I know i cam preach to you and ask for the help so pls do an advise.

Need to lose weight. Motivate me not to eat lunch at work // have a milky coffee during my break. I really just need my 300 cal breakfast a cuppa at 12, and then running until dinner which will be 250cal max. right??rightt?!?!!?

How can I maintain motivation? I really must get down to 45kg and right now I won't because I am a fat-ass who doesn't deserve food.

[Other] if i lived on the moon i’d only weigh 20 pounds
/u/ladytulips [5'7'' | 114lbs | 17.7 | -28lbs | 19F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:56:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k6r9/if_i_lived_on_the_moon_id_only_weigh_20_pounds/

The eating-on-dates nightmare continues
/u/eightstone [Height: 5ft 7 | CW: 8st 9lbs| BMI: 19 | Gender: F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:50:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k52t/the_eatingondates_nightmare_continues/
So my last couple of posts have been about anxiety related to eating on dates. I've just started seeing a guy and EVERY FUCKING DATE HAS TO CENTRE AROUND FOOD. He just wants to go to dinner, constantly. A very lovely helpful redditor here suggested I suggest a non-food date next, e.g., cinema, country hike. So, following this super advice, I suggested that tomorrow we go see a film at 8, but that I can meet him a bit before 8 if he wants to hang out and get a coffee first. He says, "great, lets meet at 7 and get food". WHY. FUCK. NO. I know it's not malicious but holy shit it makes me want to elbow him in the nose. Stop fucking feeding me, I am not a pet, I feed myself. If I want to get food, I will get myself food. Stop telling me when I'm going to eat.

Like a lot of us, I imagine, a lot of my food issues come from wanting to be in control, and having someone else dictate when and what I eat (he fucking ordered for me in the last restaurant and I was too nervous to tell him I wanted to pick my own food) just reminds me of being a kid and my horrible family meals and rigidly monitored food consumption.

This is mostly just a need to vent at people who will understand how fucking aggravating this is, but if anyone has any advice besides just never dating again, feel free to share. I think I'm not going to respond to the food message, and tomorrow when I turn up just say I've eaten a lot and just want a coffee and pretend not to have seen/registered the comment about getting something to eat. He just wants to get food at the cinema so it's the kind of relaxed bar-type environment where one person can have food and one not without it being too weird. He knows I'm studying through the day so I'm going to say I snack on a lot of junk while I study so I've ruined my appetite. He might end up catching on but fuck it.

I should add that besides this food-thing he's lovely. And this is going to be date #4.

[Discussion] does anyone here listen to elysiansoul?
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:49:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k4y6/does_anyone_here_listen_to_elysiansoul/
seriously i love her music so much. i have all of her songs downloaded and it’s almost all i listen to. it’s ed focused, mostly anorexic ideas with one song about purging. it’s really haunting and honestly i’ve cried at every song. i feel slightly less alone and it makes me so sad that she’s had to deal with this shit but at the same time i thank her for channeling these ideas into music because it’s not just “oh this song is vaguely about an ed and i can semi relate” it’s very obvious and i adore them. idk if anyone else listens to her but omg i love her music

[Rant/Rave] [Stupid brag alert] I finally broke a fast without binging!
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:44:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k3n5/stupid_brag_alert_i_finally_broke_a_fast_without/
I have started to fast because my weight loss has slowed down considerably, but every time I break it, I end up eating a metric fuck ton of calories, basically making the efforts worthless--at least compared to low restriction.

Tonight I just got too hungry but instead of going to get junk food, I made 2 vegan hotdogs (200 calories) with mustard (45--I overestimate). It was keto so I won't leave the fasting state, and I can jump right back in! I am completely full and ready to continue. Just wanted to brag/rave. :) Thanks for listening.

I'm sick and compensating for my body wanting more calories by not counting coughdrops
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:43:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k37k/im_sick_and_compensating_for_my_body_wanting_more/
I'm ridiculous. I refuse to eat over 900 calories, so instead I'm planning to consume ~100 calories in cough drops, Motrin and gummy vitamins today and not count them. It worries me, but I know 1. I couldn't eat enough sugar-free ricola cough drops to gain weight, and 2. I would never regularly "binge" on cough medicine.

This is my idea of taking care of myself while I'm sick

Anorexia recovery and exercise
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:25:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jydp/anorexia_recovery_and_exercise/
This is something I posted to r/bodyweightfitness recently. I would greatly appreciate from other ED sufferers who understand that this could also become compulsive/ED behavior.

I have been wondering about whether I should continue bodyweightfitness while in eating disorder recovery. I started at the beginning of summer, while I was in a healthy mindset but then relapsed into my ED a little bit later in the summer. I'm currently in recovery. My question is should I continue working out, if I should take a break, when should I resume, or should I just stop because exercise can be triggering (although having a body I'm happy with would be the opposite). I'm pretty young (an early teenager), and underweight to the point where I bruise easily and my bones jut out.

Basically, should I continue exercising, or when if yes.

[Rant/Rave] Change In Plans
/u/_Pulltab_ [ 5'7" | CW 177| BMI 27.7 | -18 |GW 135 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:24:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jy4f/change_in_plans/
Omg. I had my food all planned out today based on where my husband said he wanted to go for dinner tonight and even ate today thinking I’d have some extra calories in my budget because I knew EXACTLY what I was going to get.

And now he wants to go somewhere else.

WHY? What a trash fire. Lol

[Rant/Rave] Doubting What Others Say + BDD Struggles
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:22:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jxc4/doubting_what_others_say_bdd_struggles/
Ever since I was little, my family always said I had the body of a model.

Yes, I'm naturally thin, and yes I have long legs. That's about it for the "model" look. My family always says I'm so tall and I'm growing like a weed and that "I bet you're the tallest person in your class" when really, I'm pretty short (5'5"). Even my doctor says my height is above average. But how can that be when I'm shorter than the average based on practically any and all of my peers?

Speaking of doubting, I always doubt people when they say I'm thin. The logical part of my brain knows it's my BDD talking, but when I look in the mirror I see tree trunk thighs and a pregnant stomach. Some days my arms are twigs, other days they are thick branches. Some days my jawline could practically cut steel, other days it's nonexistant. Some days my fingers are bony and spindly, other days they are fat sausages.

Could my BDD just fucking pick a side already?

[Help] Safe food options in Philly and Indiana?
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | 91 | 16.6 |17f]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jwxi/safe_food_options_in_philly_and_indiana/
In a little over a week my family and I are going on a big trip to tour some colleges in Indiana and Pennsylvania. I'm kinda freaking out because of how often we'll be eating out (likely at least once a day, maybe more). I was hoping some of you wonderful humans happen to be native to these areas and could share some safe spots or tips. I'm vegan and kinda health-obsessed, so restaurants that offer healthy stuff (preferably easily trackable on Cronometer) would be perfect.

If anyone has experience traveling with an ED, I could use your advice too. Basically, how can I travel without having a mental breakdown over food?

420kcal splurge
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:53:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jota/420kcal_splurge/

My body is defined by hunger.
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:47:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jmvy/my_body_is_defined_by_hunger/
Almost every waking moment of every day, I hunger. Even when I eat foods that ought to be satiating (meat, vegetables, eggs), it's never enough. There are two times when I'm not hungry: when I'm fasting and when I'm binge eating junk food. The moments in between, I am almost always hungry.

I just want this to stop.

[Rant/Rave] Nothing like being jerked around on a string, amirite?
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:46:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jmrk/nothing_like_being_jerked_around_on_a_string/
My Nmom started playing money games with my account again, so I'm SOL on grocery money. I have enough for OMAD, so let's try this out.

2 cups of this + 1 cup of unsweetened cashew milk + 2 Truvia packets = 25 calories. It’s delicious and feels like a treat! Plus it’s a “wee” (ha) bit of a diuretic.
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:30:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jhpy/2_cups_of_this_1_cup_of_unsweetened_cashew_milk_2/

Chubby Face
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:27:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jh06/chubby_face/
Does anyone have tips for us ladies with chubby faces but normal-thin bodies?

Ive always had chubby cheeks. However, it wasn't until I was my heaviest at 150lbs when I realized how fat my face was (I couldn't believe how out of control I let myself get). After that I started losing weight, now I hover around 115lb since last November. Sometimes it goes up (never past 120), sometimes I'm down to 110lbs (yay). Although my face is much smaller and I can see my cheekbones better... I'm wondering how much more weight I need to lose in order to get the look I want?

I want to be somewhere between 100 to 110lbs.

I'm getting a gym membership at the beginning of next month. I'm not exactly strict about what I eat (because I love food) but I eat small portions, slowly, to get full quicker. I'm wondering if there are certain foods I should be cutting out to get a thinner face? I drink a lot of water and tea to stay hydrated.

Art I made
/u/schizomaticly [5’5” | 🐄| -4 l lw 92lbs |F | 🌱 vegan]
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:26:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jgjw/art_i_made/

Created: Fri Jul 20 14:18:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jeen/progress/
I'm definitely not as slim as most of you guys, but I had been before, around five years ago, I was sitting at 105 lbs after growing up in the 150s. My life got turned upside down, and I binge ate until i got to 230, and i just stepped on the scale today, and I'm finally under 220 again. I was at 217. I know it isn't much, but it feels good.

Just thought I'd share. Time to try and avoid calories at my Job now. Ha.

[Other] Me. After 1 gin. Trying to help the university.
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Fri Jul 20 13:55:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90j78n/me_after_1_gin_trying_to_help_the_university/

Long shot, I know, but anyone else fasting for Tisha b'Av?
Created: Fri Jul 20 13:54:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90j6w8/long_shot_i_know_but_anyone_else_fasting_for/

Trying to up my intake, but...
/u/interstellarSpider [5'3 | CW: 97.8lbs | GW: 95lbs | BMI: 17.8]
Created: Fri Jul 20 13:29:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90izpz/trying_to_up_my_intake_but/
Like the title says, I've been trying to up my calorie intake for the last few days (from 1200 to 1300/1400) but it seems like as soon as I started wanting to eat more, I've just...completely lost my appetite? Has this ever happened to anyone else? It's almost like my body suddenly has a mind of its own and is just not interested in food at all.

[Goal] Raw Vegan
Created: Fri Jul 20 13:25:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90iypd/raw_vegan/
Sooo a couple years ago I was 167lbs I lost the weight from vegetarian to raw vegan and then back to vegan and I got down to my lowest weight which was 105lbs. I’m 5’9 so at 105lbs I felt extremely light and dollish. My attitude was pretty bad however because I knew and felt I was skinnier than everyone else and also in modeling competitions I’d joined. After a while I headed to NYC for modeling and was told I’d been switched out for another model who was taller with my same measurements. It crushed me and I binged all the back up to 135lbs and became a comfy hippie junk food vegan. Yet over the spring semester I lost it all and had a slight break down stopped eating for a week spent time in the hospital. Later now I became raw vegan with intervals of intermittent fasting cheat days I’m raw till 4. Now I’m down to 119lbs . My partner worries a lot about me but I secretly do still struggle with loving myself. I felt and looked so cute at 105lbs I really want to get back down. But his family watches me and my partner we go out have fun bar time which means I get buzzed easily and then have to eat something to help me not feel ill. I don’t know what to do I run everyday but I’m still struggling to get down to that low weight.

Please help. What should I do?

[Discussion] Vegetarians/Vegans: Do you ever worry that faux meat is real meat?
Created: Fri Jul 20 12:55:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ipcy/vegetariansvegans_do_you_ever_worry_that_faux/
I considered putting this in r/vegetarian but didn't think they'd identify with my weird foodisms, like y'all seem to.

It's been about 3 years since I've eaten meat. In the beginning I hated faux meats because I thought they tasted gross. I've since completely forgotten what real meat tastes like. I recently tried Gardein's mandarin chick'n and it was amazing but I couldn't eat it because it looked like real chicken and tastes like what I think I remember real chicken being and my crazy self if worried that it's actually real chicken.

Does anyone else ever have these thoughts? How do you overcome them?

Created: Fri Jul 20 12:52:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90iolj/i_fucking_suck/
So, i was in my six day of fasting, i was going to fast for ten days but at lunch MY PARENTS MADE ME EAT FUCKING PASTA WITH CHEESE AND I COULDNT STOP EATING AND HAD A HUGE BINGE AND ATE BIRTHDAY CAKE TOO.
Why am i like thisssssss

My mother when I was 16:
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Fri Jul 20 12:14:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90icvt/my_mother_when_i_was_16/
One day aged 15/16 (probs around 63kg, same height, just easing off purging for the first time) I was readjusting my dressing gown when my mother said "Ha, you will NEVER be a model!"

Of course being a model wasn't one of my goals, and never has been / will be, that wasn't the most pleasant of comments someone could have made.

ANYWAY fast forward to now, aged 21, and I am very frequently asked to model for my university, and appear online, on all the information guides, and even in pictures of some meeting rooms.

Of course, my mother knows this because she collects all of the things with me on them. My last adventure was a promo vid just the other day and once I told my mother she said "Oh, part time job as a model now as well!!"


[Other] Fucking up my appearance
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:55:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90i74m/fucking_up_my_appearance/
I just *binged* on so many club crackers and french fries but the only reason I’m not purging is because I want my teeth to be white and pretty :/ I’m so artificial

[Discussion] smokers, what are your fav low cal pairings?
/u/ricemask [5'6" | CW: 150 | -3 | UGW: 115 | 20F | 🍑: riceemask]
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:46:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90i4d4/smokers_what_are_your_fav_low_cal_pairings/
So I picked up a Juul because social pressure and literally everyone that works on Capitol Hill smokes for lunch. I’m dropping weight like a leaky bucket but I’m trying to cut down on smoking. Obviously I love the weight loss affects, but what do you guys usually pair with a ecig/cig? I tend to drink ice coffee and usually a cig with my coworkers but I would like something to be a bit more tasty so I can cut out the oral fixation.

/u/UnderseaK [5'7|cw: 145lbs|gw: 110lbs]
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:28:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hymc/stop_commenting_on_my_body/
My stupid mother is driving me up the freaking wall. I thought she'd be able to torment me less from 1000 miles away, but apparently not. The last time we spoke, she was nagging me about how I "look so anorexic", "look so sick and terrible", and pestering me to eat more.

BUT LAST NIGHT I sent her a picture of me in a new dress that she had sewn for me. She is an amatuer seamstress and the dress was thrifted and needed some work. So I sent her a picture to show her how her work paid off, and her immediate response was "Oh my gosh! You look so beautiful and slender, like a model!".

I know she means well, but for heaven's sake. Am I sick and awful looking, or beautiful and modelesque? She always did this when I was a kid too, telling me I was skinny and beautiful one second and then telling me I was "getting big" the next. I wish she would just not comment on my body at all, it makes me so uncomfortable.

[Other] constantly freezing in lecture.
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|~117|23F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hy4u/constantly_freezing_in_lecture/

What body moisturizer do y'all use?
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:24:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hx9r/what_body_moisturizer_do_yall_use/
We all know one of the many undesirable side effects of not eating enough can be dry skin. How do you keep your skin moisturized? What brands/products work for you?

Spotify knows - this song hit hard, thought you guys would love it
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:17:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hv7p/spotify_knows_this_song_hit_hard_thought_you_guys/
Hopefully this is allowed. This song came up on Spotify today in the “things you might like” section. It’s very clearly about an ED among other things. Only slightly concerning that even Spotify seems to know....

smaller - hayley gene penner

Let me know what you guys think ❤️

[Help] Enlarged salivary glands, anyone?
/u/min_imalist [5'0 | CW: 75lbs | BMI 14.3 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:13:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90htuo/enlarged_salivary_glands_anyone/
I'm putting a 'help' flair, but it's also a MASSIVE FUCKIN RANT and a discussion.

So, purging + extremely low weight (i'm dancing around ~30kg atm) has graced me with two ostrich eggs below my jawline, so now I constantly look like an angry frog.

Has anyone got any tips for making them calm their tits (apart from, y'know, getting my shit together bc that's the most obvious one)? Thank you in advance and I hope you all are having a great day, mood-wise, body image-wise, all-wise! Hugs!╰(*´︶`*)╯

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by rejection
Created: Fri Jul 20 10:40:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hjrk/triggered_by_rejection/
I went for an interview for a part time job, I’m taking a break from my masters and wanted to fill some time and earn some money as I’ve been home with the kids. everything seemed good during the interview, but they then ignored me for weeks. I called to ask for feedback and was told someone would call me back but they ignored me again. So today my husband was in the store and they were doing inductions for the new members of staff. Which means the other people got the job and have already started and they haven’t had the courtesy of letting me know (even though I knew deep down).

It brought it back a bit. I initially left school at 16 and started a job as a trainee hairdresser. I was in the job 3 weeks when I answered the phone to a girl saying she wanted to apply for the “trainee hairdressing job”. I passed the phone to the owner who instead of saying “the position has been filled” she said “can you come for a trial tomorrow”. I was told not to come in the next day so this girl could have a trial. I got a phone call at 5pm telling me the girl already had a years experience under her belt and was a better fit for the salon. This was probably the first time in my life I literally didn’t eat for days. In the end I went back to school and went onto University so it wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen. I just feel whenever I experience this type of rejection I honestly feel it is because I am fat, it makes me feel so sick and low and triggers off bouts of not eating 😣

aaaaaaand I'm back
/u/SmartOwls [F5'11 | CW:too much | BMI | GW:120 | ]
Created: Fri Jul 20 10:21:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90he5u/aaaaaaand_im_back/
So I was in a really bad spot in early April where I had gone 131.5 hours fasting and I was on a trip and getting married and pretty much ruined the whole thing because I was in a shitty mood and not feeling well. I made it to my lowest adult weight (128) but that’s it. Well that’s what I was when I got back from the trip, because I didn’t have a scale on the actual trip and I started eating again the day before we came back and inhaled pizza and chips and cookies and pasta and just all sorts of shit. So I don’t know exactly what my lowest was (which killed me tbh).

Then I tried to recover and I unsubbed to all the various weight loss subreddits that I was part of and tried to not weigh myself and to eat intuitively. Cue me gaining all the way back up to 145 fuck my ever loving life. At the beginning of July we went on another trip to see my SO’s family and I knew I couldn’t enjoy myself seeing them at my current weight as the last time they saw me I was at 137. So I struggled to get back into the restricting mode and barely managed to lose down to 138. I started off the trip great with a just under 48 hour fast, but my MIL insists upon everyone eating a sit down meal three times a day. Again FML. So I gained 5lbs on the trip.

I turn 30 at the end of August. Damnit I will NOT be fat and 30. Fuck that shit, so I’M BACK BABY! I’ve lost 3lbs in less than a week and I’ve been restricting and starting to exercise and just in general get my restricting mojo back. I used Losertown and Libra to figure out that to be at a goal weight of 125 by end of August I need to lose 0.5lbs per day. I can totally do that. I would need to eat 350 cals or less per day, but with ADF I can bump that up to 600 every other day which is much more reasonable.

I’ll be seeing the same family again at Christmas and my UGW for then is to be 110lbs. if I hit my goal of 125 by end of August, that gives me 115 days to lose another 15lbs to hit my UGW and that’s only 0.13 lbs per day, which again I think is doable. I’ve got this. I can do this.

Universe Help me

[Discussion] Where's my fellow vapers
/u/whataurban [6'1" | 155 | 19.52 | 0 | M2F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 10:11:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hayh/wheres_my_fellow_vapers/
I'm always vaping on a flavor I mix up myself it's a combination of a blueberry lemonade with a jolly rancher flavored watermelon with a menthol kick except without the minty flavor.

[Other] Duolingo shade pt. 2: But where’s the lie? (P.S. please forgive my embarrassing, embarrassing typo)
/u/Stay__Hungry [5'6.5" | CW 128.4 lbs | GW 105 lbs | -25.6 lbs]
Created: Fri Jul 20 09:42:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90h1pp/duolingo_shade_pt_2_but_wheres_the_lie_ps_please/

I purged last night and I have a question...
Created: Fri Jul 20 09:42:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90h1l5/i_purged_last_night_and_i_have_a_question/
Okay, so last night was the first time I have ever purged while completely sober. It went pretty well, I didn't feel a lot of strain or anything. But then this morning I woke up with little red marks all around my eyes... They look like burst capillaries I think. I've never gotten them around my eyes, so I assume it came from last night. Has this happened to anyone else? Is there a way to avoid it?

[Rant/Rave] Got my psych testing results back yesterday...
Created: Fri Jul 20 09:25:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90gwqa/got_my_psych_testing_results_back_yesterday/
Bipolar disorder? No, probably not. OCD? Yes, in remission. ADHD? Kinda...? I can’t be officially diagnosed because I’m such a complicated case but regardless my psychiatrist thinks I could benefit from taking stimulants. And oh my gosh, I have been so excited, waiting for this for ages. Because of course while testing what medicines to try, I have to watch out for a reduced appetite, but little do they know that’s exactly what I want! 😈 Maybe I’ll finally get some help with the self control that I’ve been lacking this whole time.

[Rant/Rave] ED and the unknown is a really bad combination
Created: Fri Jul 20 09:10:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90gsbl/ed_and_the_unknown_is_a_really_bad_combination/
We are going to dinner at a friends tonight and I have no idea what we will be eating and it’s stressing me the fuck out cause now I can’t plan, so I guess I won’t be eating anything until then. :-/ ED’s make having a life really hard and I really hate it.

[Help] Stopped long term use of Duromine
/u/RatchetButtons [5ft9 | CW 64.6Kgs | BMI 21.2 | GW: 60kgs | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 09:05:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90gqr0/stopped_long_term_use_of_duromine/
I have been on Duromine on and off for the past 4 years. I have been on it this time for atleast 4 months and decided to stop for good as it literally started feeling like poison. I was going to lower the dose before stopping but I couldn't bring myself to keep taking it.

I have so far stopped for 3 days and feeling like absolute shit. Tired, depressed and soo hungry.. I had a bulimic episode for the first time in years today.

Does anyone have any experience or advice? How long will I feel this way? I am so scared of putting on heaps of weight (I know I have already started to) and intend on going back to restricting but I am scared I will feel like this forever.

[Help] Is it okay if I am not ready to recover in ED?
Created: Fri Jul 20 08:47:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90glgt/is_it_okay_if_i_am_not_ready_to_recover_in_ed/
I am not ready. I feel like I can wait for a longer period of time to get myself ready. I just can't do it now.. Not sure what to do, but just kind of wish I don't have ED in the first place or, sometimes I think, do I really have an ED?

to my mom, it probably wasn't a big deal but i feel hurt.
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 181 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Fri Jul 20 08:40:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90gjh9/to_my_mom_it_probably_wasnt_a_big_deal_but_i_feel/
she was filling out health forms online for me for the upcoming school year and there was a page that asked me to fill in yes/no for whether or not i had any of the listed conditions (diabetes, heart palpitations, asthma, etc...) we kept on responding no until we got to one that said "had ever received any psychological treatment". while i never went to a psychiatrist, i had to talk to a therapist for two years about my self-harm and depression. i don't think she meant any harm by it but i was thinking about checking "yes" when she said, "do you.. just want to not mention it?". i think that comment came from an assumption that all the issues i dealt with are completely part of the past and i'm completely recovered now but that couldn't have been further from the truth. i also feel less inclined to tell her about my eating disorder as that was something i considered doing before. there was another thing listed in the form that asked whether or not i had ever dealt with an eating disorder and i immediately clicked no. it's so exhausting to have to pretend i'm okay all because i don't want to burden my parents. especially when they consider all the weight loss i've experienced so far a good thing.

Struggling with duromine
Created: Fri Jul 20 08:25:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90geza/struggling_with_duromine/
Hey I'm back,
So during my hiatus I gained 12 kilos. In a desperate attempt to get back on track I got a script for duromine.
I did a lot of research before hand so I would be ready for the (potentially hard core) side effects.
It's day 2 and I feel nothing, I still get stupidly hungry and eat way too much. It feels like failure. I'm such a pig even legal speed can't curb it.

Just to clarify, I'm not after medical advice or anything. Just some support and I'd like to hear your stories.


[Rant/Rave] Sometimes feel like my BF low-key enables disordered behavior
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:57:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90g777/sometimes_feel_like_my_bf_lowkey_enables/
My bf and I are going through a phase where we’re not interacting much. I’ve been restricting a bit lately.
so last weekend I saved up my calories all day because I wanted to go for a walk and get ice cream with him because i want to spend more time with him this summer. He said no because I’ve been “doing so well and it’s not healthy”. I got furious at him cause like, wtf? Who are you to make that decision for me? I should have said that but instead i stormed out and went for a walk alone. (I didn’t end up having ice cream, I just wanted to clear my head).

he thinks he’s being helpful when he tries to “enforce” my “healthy eating” by commenting on food purchases or declining my requests for stuff like this as if i didn’t plan for it. It ends up kind of triggering me. I hate when he gets in my business. And I’ve t let him before when he does shit like this it makes me not want to talk to him about it.

The other part is he is very attracted to skinny girls and he wants me to be skinny even if he doesn’t say it to my face, but i can tell. He always comments on my attractive skinny coworkers and “jokingly” tells me to invite them over more.

So i feel like his “enforcing” habits are sometimes selfish on his part. I’ve had friends at work make comments of legit concerns about my restricting and when I mention what they say to him he tells me that they’re stupid and to not listen.

I feel like he would happily tolerate or even encourage more disordered behavior from me if it means having a skinny girlfriend.

Sorry for the rant, it’s been eating at me this whole week.

For all my binge eaters out there
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90g65b/for_all_my_binge_eaters_out_there/

Eating with friends
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:50:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90g5al/eating_with_friends/
I don’t think my eating habits are super extreme, but they’re very different from my friends and family. I tend to eat very little (and I make sure what I do eat is very nutritious). I want to eat small/ healthy without raising suspicion, but it’s hard when my friends eat anything without giving it a second thought. I get so uncomfortable when anyone points out the amount of food I eat, and I don’t want to be a buzzkill or seem high maintenance so I try to eat a little unhealthy food to get them off my back. Does anyone have tips for how to look “normal” when eating with friends?

[Help] What do i do?
/u/swankarma [5'5 | CW: 132 | 22 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:43:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90g3dc/what_do_i_do/
So my family have noticed that i’m losing weight quickly, and they still think I’m on a diet, so my older sister told me that she wanted “to follow my diet and eat exactly what i eat” so she can lose weight too, (she’s overweight) and i don’t know what to do because they don’t know that i eat a maximum of like 700 calories a day and restrict a lot.
I just also don’t want my sister to get hurt or anything, or notice that i’m not eating very well and for my family to force me to recover because of that. I’m just not ready to recover. I played it off and told her to download an app called “lose it” and follow whatever they recommend for her to healthily lose weight. She refused and said that “she’ll watch me and eat whatever i eat”, and I’m not able to ‘fake’ what i eat to have her eat healthy because my anorexia definitely wont let me.
I just don’t know what to do, and i definitely don’t want her to follow the same path i did and end up with an ED because as you obviously know, its not a very pleasant experience.

Struggling to trust others with my food
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:34:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90g0s7/struggling_to_trust_others_with_my_food/
Just ordered a light frappuccino (mini) but I'm not convinced it's light. Feel so shit and guilty.

Had a Pepsi Max from KFC yesterday (no food ofc) but was convinced it was regular Pepsi. My sister tasted it and thought it was Max but what if she just can't tell???

Surely if it makes my so full it isn't the diet one

[Help] Turning down food without hurting people's feelings?
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:29:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fznz/turning_down_food_without_hurting_peoples_feelings/
I walked into the kitchen today after coming back from a shopping trip to see tons of groceries on the counter. Some of it is healthy (tomatoes, cucumbers), but there's also a big bag of potatoes, one of bread, and one of desserts. I'm heading into my sixth week at my host mom's house, and for the past ~week I've been turning down all the food she's made for me (to be fair, I always tell her I'm not hungry/already ate when she offers to make me food, but she cooks it anyway).

I can tell she's a little hurt by me rejecting her frequent offers, but I honestly can't eat right now. I buy diet soda and water (Jordan, where I'm studying abroad, doesn't have drinkable tap), and that's what I'm living off of. It's also getting harder for me to pretend to have eaten at school since my roommate has started keeping track of me at mealtimes and trying to make me eat (super annoying tbh).

How do you guys handle offers of food by well-meaning friends/family?

THEY FIT! They actually fit!!!
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:28:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fzgy/they_fit_they_actually_fit/
About 6 months ago, I bought a couple of bras from Lively and I could barely close them. The material was rolling up and pinching all over the place. Feeling undeserving of them, I put them back in the plastic and shoved them into the back of my drawer.

Today, I was digging through my drawer trying to find something to wear (because I need to do laundry REAL bad) and I found them again, and they FIT!!!! I'm so excited. Since I don't weigh myself, my measuring tape and my clothes are the only tangible indicators that I have. Happy dancing all over the place!

Something I've noticed about recovery accounts on instagram
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:00:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90frwx/something_ive_noticed_about_recovery_accounts_on/
On mobile, can't flair.

This post might sound offensive, but it's just something I've noticed that doesn't seem "healthy" to me. I follow some recovery accounts on instagram and basically every one of these people went from anorexia to binging but it's okay because it's "recovery". And I understand they need the food to gain weight, but how is it normal to eat 4 bowls of cereal in a sitting? (Yes, that's something I saw on my feed). This girl had so much cereal and said it was okay because she's in recovery. And this is just an example.

Now, this post isn't to make fun of people who binge. I myself went from anorexia to bulimia, and that's exactly why I don't think that's a healthy thing or "recovery" at all.

You know its gonna be a good day when...
Created: Fri Jul 20 06:12:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fgel/you_know_its_gonna_be_a_good_day_when/
You wake up shivering, with a pounding headache and stomach cramps.

Been killing it (myself) this week.

5lbs down! ....18 to go......

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! July 20, 2018
Created: Fri Jul 20 06:12:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fge7/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_july/
This is the weekly picture thread for July 20, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

Daily Food Diary! July 20, 2018
Created: Fri Jul 20 06:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fgd1/daily_food_diary_july_20_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for July 20, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

Does increasing calories even make a difference?
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:49:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fb5u/does_increasing_calories_even_make_a_difference/
I was planning of having 500 calories until I reach GW1, then increase slowly to maintenance until I reach GW2.

But I'm having a hard time letting myself go over 300 because around 200 is just enough to not be hungry (two small meals a day when I'm the hungriest), and anything over is rather for 'fun' (fruits, candy, milk in my tea etc.) and I feel I don't deserve fun food if I'm still this fat.
I'm also scared that my appetite would come back if i eat up to 500 calories because I'd eat enough to get out of ketosis (which I want, I can't stand this keto breath).

According to losertown, it's like a week's difference in reaching my goal and if I ate a little more, I could probably move a bit more (right now I'm just sitting around all day, waiting to be less fat, lol) so it would maybe even out.

But it feels like so much. 200 extra calories is a lot of fruit, candy, enjoyment - I feel like I'm not losing weight if I'm not really hungry :/

I saw my mom for the first time in 3 months
/u/paavllova [🌸 5'5 • 99 lbs • 16.5 • f 🌸]
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:27:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90f6od/i_saw_my_mom_for_the_first_time_in_3_months/
One of the first things she said to me was 'have you lost weight?'

She commented on my jaw being sharper.

It made me so happy and I realized whatever plateaus or rough spots I may be hitting right now, I'm still better then I was 3 months ago, and I am so happy.

[Discussion] Please help?? How to drink without it turning into a all u can eat binge (pls help me!!)😵😵😵😩😩😩
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:23:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90f5wg/please_help_how_to_drink_without_it_turning_into/
Pls help. Every time I drink I eat over 2500 calories (and that is not including ALCOHOL CALORIES) . normally RESTRICT up to 700 cal p day. I really wanna relax and drink over the weekend with my bf but if I keep eating like this, I won’t be able to. Please help me. Signed, desperate

[Goal] Almost back to “normal”
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:19:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90f54e/almost_back_to_normal/
This morning I weighed myself and I was 155 lbs. My BMI is right at 25 and in 1 pound I’ll be back into a normal weight range for the first time in about 2 yrs.

Since I started weighing myself I’ve lost 20 pounds since I bought a scale for myself again at the beginning of June, and even more before that.

People keep asking how much I’ve lost. Or telling me how good I looked. I got back together with my boyfriend and after not seeing him for a few months he asked if I “lost a lot of weight” he said my face looked different. Customers have been commenting. Coworkers have been commenting. Family has been commenting.

It all feels kind of empty in the end. I carry weight decently, in clothes I can pass for an almost okay looking human being (I just need to tone up). I’m a pound away from what should be my first main goal, but i don’t feel much different from 165. I wish my body could just disappear. I’ll keep losing. I’ll keep eating the same way. The number on the scale won’t make me happy.

Does anyone else feel like you just have no real goal anymore?

Heart freaking broken
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:16:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90f4ip/heart_freaking_broken/
I have 2 little girls. 3 and 6. I've relapsed recently. I didn't think they were old enough to notice.

This morning, I was giving them breakfast and the little one tells me "I no eat breakfast like you Mommy"

It totally broke me.

I NEED to work harder. I'm eating an unplanned granola bar for breakfast sitting in between them. They WILL see me eat actual meals. I'm not going to log food in front of them anymore.

They are both in the lowest percentile for weight that they can be without being underweight, and I'm not sending them there.

I need high volume low cal food. Help.

[Help] Lowest calorie drink that also won’t get me too drunk
/u/DontLickIt88 [5’8”| CW: Land Whale | GW: 115 | 29F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:08:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90f2np/lowest_calorie_drink_that_also_wont_get_me_too/
Hi, it’s me, your favorite land whale. I’ve been gaining the past two days and almost back over 200. I’m planning on fasting all day today. I have to go out with coworkers at happy hour tonight to celebrate our intern being done. What can I drink that a) won’t be too many calories and b) won’t get me completely sloshed on an empty stomach?

Also, cross your fingers hard that I don’t poop myself on all the laxatives. I haven’t pooped in a few days, so I’m sure the weight is water/food weight, because I’ve been eating around 1000 calories the past two days, but I still need it to be out.

[Discussion] Reinterpreting negative symptoms of weight loss?
/u/Hielier [175,5cm | GW1: 59kg | GW2: 54kg | UGW: 49kg]
Created: Fri Jul 20 04:27:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90eubp/reinterpreting_negative_symptoms_of_weight_loss/
Whenever I start losing weight again there are some signals that for me are a "you're doing great", but that in reality there are harmful and negative symptoms. For instance, the last time I lost a lot of weight in a short period of time I started having horrible back pains and my doctor said it was because my back didn't have enough muscle to hold my spine and that it was actually deviating lol. I took it as a signal that I was going in the good direction. It also happens to me when I get deficient in some vitamins or when I start having fainting spells.

Do you have some sort of symptoms/signals that are objectively negative/harmful but that for you are positive because they indicate weight loss?

Confused about popcorn calories
Created: Fri Jul 20 04:18:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90esns/confused_about_popcorn_calories/
So let’s say I weigh out 20 g of unpopped popcorn kernels... is the same after it’s popped (without oil obviously)? I read that when you pop kernels they lose kinetic energy and lose calories. Is this true?

[Discussion] Slimfast? Is it any good?
Created: Fri Jul 20 04:16:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90esaw/slimfast_is_it_any_good/
Payday is coming up and Ive been watching a bunch of slimfast shakes in one of my local stores! They seem cheap enough ( £5 per 438g tub 🤪)

Ive seen good and bad reviews of them! I definately want to try the shakes. Have any of you tried them? If so did you drop a lot of weight?

[Goal] I’m buying a scale today.
Created: Fri Jul 20 04:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90erh8/im_buying_a_scale_today/
I was avoiding it, I knew that I’d become obsessed with weighing myself again; obsessed with the number.

I ditched the scale and decided to focus on ‘happiness’ rather than a silly number.


I’m excited to have a scale again.

5’9” & 95 - that’s the goal.

Throwing away good food
Created: Fri Jul 20 03:41:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90elvz/throwing_away_good_food/
If me before my ED self saw me throw perfectly good food to the trash, they would think I'm crazy. I was taught by my family to never throw food away unless it went bad and the fact that I would ever throw good food away is pretty... insulting. Even now I would still ask other people if they wanted the food but if they didn't, then I'd secretly throw it away. Before my ED I'd keep the food in the fridge but I'd just finish it off when nobody ate it. My old self would scream at me for "wasting food" but it's really the most wasteful when it's going to my body.

DEA break their plateau
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Fri Jul 20 03:29:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ejsy/dea_break_their_plateau/
And immediately start to binge.

Like is it self sabotage?

[TW maybe?] Coming out of a 6-month binge cycle.
Created: Fri Jul 20 03:25:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ej18/tw_maybe_coming_out_of_a_6month_binge_cycle/
So I started a new job in late January as an overnight worker, and I thought it'd totally help with avoiding food, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. I binged from the beginning of February up until just last week.

I only gained about 10 lbs. I was restricting to around 800 calories a day and had plateued, and with the new job and new stress, I switched to binging, often 2,000 calories or more a day.
I went from 112.5 to 123.

My question (I guess) is...
Shouldn't I have gained more? Is my TDEE just a lot higher than I thought it was? Or is that a normal amount of weight to gain when binging for 6 fucking months straight? I feel like I should be heavier. I'm still distraught by the weight gain, but I just feel like maybe it isn't as much gain as it should have been?

[Rant/Rave] What the fuck avocado?!
Created: Fri Jul 20 02:57:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90edyc/what_the_fuck_avocado/
Ok, so apparently I’m using my throwaway account to rant about fruit...

I lost weight for the first time in forever this week, so my day was starting pretty well. Then, I remember I bought avocados for some reason, and I go to check if their ripe. Turns out they are, and I’m thinking “hey, what’s the harm?”.

Well, it turns out an entire avocado is almost 400 calories. WHAT THE ACTUAL fuck?! 100g of lardons is 250 calories. I would’ve been better eating a container of pork fat...

So now my day is pretty much over, and I can only hope I won’t end up eating everything in sight and throwing it up.

Also I can’t believe that I, a grown-ass woman, am panicking about a fruit. I mean, I can believe it, but you’d think I would get my shit together at some point.

Yooooooo, restriction headache, nice to see you again!
Created: Fri Jul 20 02:39:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90eawi/yooooooo_restriction_headache_nice_to_see_you/
Hah, finaly started restricting again after a long spate of binges, and sure as anything, got a headache. It's rubbish. Tbh it's the only thing I don't like about restricting. I like feeling cold and tired (esp in the summer!), And I end up weirdly proud of feeling light headed, but this stupid headache... Grrrr.

[Rant/Rave] Desperately trying to avoid a pizza binge
/u/girlinapanic [163cm | 57.6kg | 21.67 bmi | 2ndGW 54.9 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 02:11:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90e66j/desperately_trying_to_avoid_a_pizza_binge/
I got pizza for dinner (for the family) and it smells so good but I’m 118hrs into a fast and hadn’t planned to break until tomorrow afternoon (about another 20hrs) so that I’d have something in my stomach while out drinking. Haven’t had an issue with hunger or temptation so far but by god it’s calling to me.
The evil part of me is saying to just break early but I at least want to be able to weigh myself tomorrow morning. The good side is saying there’s stacks of leftovers, eat it tomorrow to break the fast. Just so frustrating.

[Help] tmi but pls help : constipation
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 119.9lbs | 19.1 BMI | -23lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 01:36:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90dzza/tmi_but_pls_help_constipation/
ok my people I am so sorry for this but I need help !!!

I can’t tell if this is from weird eating patterns, not drinking enough water or change in medication dosages or all of the above. Regardless here’s what’s been going on and I need your tips on what the fuck I should do

- The 13th - middle of the night at like 1:30am that day, I realize I need to run to the bathroom. Bitch I RAN. I then keeled over and experienced the worst pain of my fkn life (other than getting an IUD that was brutal but would do again unlike this), anyways I was dying and I’m used to having some digestive issues and episodes but nothing on this scale. I was in severe pain and couldn’t even stay on the toilet. I had to call my house to wake my parents up. Long story short I had to use my pets pee pads and I used like 3 and it was a messy time. I took a bath after and lost over a pound of weight. I basically gave birth, that’s what it felt like anyways. I slept basically the whole next day.

- The 18th, hadn’t pooped since that episode and I was supposed to go on a road trip (couldn’t) and I took half a dosage of restoralax the night before, and had also been eating lots of fibre for a few days. Didn’t work. Decided to do my last resort and do an enema. Ended up doing 2. Finally got some stuff out, mostly liquid but some harder bits and a few softer bits. Some discomfort and some pain but nothing substantial and I was able to manage well on my own unlike usual episodes. Had 5 of these mini episodes getting the whole enema out.

I still haven’t gone since then (48 hours) and I am getting really concerned. I also slept literally all night and day afterwards, and was dehydrated (next time gonna use salt). I took restoralax (full dose) and hopefully that’ll help.

What do you guys have tips for? What should I be eating that won’t freak me tf out? Do I just drink prune juice for the rest of my life? lol
I don’t want to like sh*t my brains out from a normal laxative but I also am very afraid. I also have no idea if I am even supposed to take laxatives with the medication I’m on and I don’t want to constantly rely on those. My psychiatrist said for now increase fibre and water.

Should I do another enema if that doesn’t work? What are your tips?

love, a very sorry that you had to read this, concerned girl with fucked up food issues ♡

[Discussion] Those of you who are recovered, do you feel panicky and uncomfortable when people talk about diets, weight, or exercise in front of you?
Created: Fri Jul 20 00:58:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90dsc1/those_of_you_who_are_recovered_do_you_feel/

[Other] I need help coping with my ED in my relationship
Created: Fri Jul 20 00:02:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90dh7g/i_need_help_coping_with_my_ed_in_my_relationship/
I've had EDNOS since I was about 14, I'm 19 now. I'm in my first serious adult relationship, things are great in our relationship but my ED is slowly becoming more toxic, started with occasional binging, then restricting without realizing it, and now once in a while I purge with laxatives and self harm too. Honestly what is hardest for me is my boyfriend seeing everything that is wrong with me. We live together so he sees everything I eat, every time I break down, etc. And I really just don't want him to notice anything because I don't want him to worry. I don't want him to think I'm going to die or something. He also tends to eat what I eat, which sometimes causes me to binge because I'll try to restrict and then he sees what I'm eating/the amount, and he tries to eat just that instead of eating something else that he might want more or eating more to satisfy him, so I binge so he will eat enough, even though I don't want to eat at all. I've noticed his eating habits are highly triggering for so many reasons, and I can no longer stand being triggered by it. He doesn't do it intentionally, he has no idea what he does. But I can't stand feeling the urge and need to restrict, having him watch what I eat then reflexively forcing myself to binge so that way he will eat more. If I have to binge one last time so that way someone else feeds themselves I will probably scream and have a mental breakdown. Yeah that sounds crazy but mentally ill people aren't known for being sane. I NEED to restrict, therapy, medication, treatment, etc. is not an option for many reasons. If I don't restrict I will probably self harm and purge really bad and I don't know how to respectfully get space from my boyfriend so I can.

Tl;dr: how do I respectfully tell my boyfriend "I need you to give me space about what I'm eating and not pay attention to it, or else I will fly off the handle and go insane"

Nothing makes sense about my weight
/u/onlyActing [5'10" | 168# | 23.5 | -65# | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 23:42:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90dd2q/nothing_makes_sense_about_my_weight/
I can't stand numbers and ratios and weights. I feel so insane. I ask my friends how much they think I weigh. 115#-130# as a range of answers. The 130 folk say, "well you are fit and have a lot of muscles, and that weighs more." Lately, my dysphoric body image has balooned from 260# to 320#. I'm 5'10", and currently my body has protruding ribs, no fat on my legs, defines calves, biceps, etc., My clavicle is visible, my pelvis is slightly visible, my acromia are jutting, you can pretty clearly see a lot of bones. I weigh just over 170# currently. I gained weight back from some treatment and therapy. I have lost dimension though. I just feel like nothing corresponds with each other and everything is just crazy and meaningless or I have completely lost touch with reality.

[Help] Vitamins
Created: Thu Jul 19 23:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90d8nd/vitamins/
What vitamins do y’all take? It sounds dumb but I wanna keep my body not completely malnourished.

“”Healthy”” high calorie foods?
Created: Thu Jul 19 22:44:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90d0n2/healthy_high_calorie_foods/
My friend has an ED, and in that “kinda recovery kinda not” stage. They probably fall into some anorexia/orthorexia combination. They’ll recognize they need to eat more, but will not eat anything buttery/oily/sugary. I’m already thinking of nuts and avocadoes, anything else that can be recommended that someone may be still likely to eat with disordered thinking? They’re so suspicious of foods heavy in fats :(

[Help] Feeling weird about my body and not knowing what to do.
Created: Thu Jul 19 22:29:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cx86/feeling_weird_about_my_body_and_not_knowing_what/
So I've reached the point where I've become "skinny fat". I have 15 pounds left to lose, but I know that if I get down to that point, I will still have a lot of fat lingering on my body that I can grab. Most of that fat is staying around my belly, sides, upper ab area, inner thighs, and some on my arms. It makes me feel like I'll never be rid of it and I'll always view myself as a blob of a human. While I do seem to look smaller in clothes (sometimes I don't think this is the case and my brain is playing tricks on me), I want to be comfortable with less clothing or being at home with just some underwear on.

I'm just so frustrated, because why won't this fat just go away?? I feel trapped inside my body and I hate being able to grab a decent amount of fat. It makes me want to just rip it off. It's already difficult enough having issues with food and eating, but coupled with trying to change my body through restricting and not seeing the changes I want and thought I would have, I just want to cry.

Now I'm wondering what I can do? I've looked through so many articles about recomp, bulking/cutting, deficits, losing specifically body fat, etc. A lot of what I've read talks about eating at my body's maintenance calories to recomp while lifting weights and eating enough protein or bulking by eating a surplus of calories to build muscle while lifting and then cutting that through a deficit. I don't know if I can do either one.

For starters, I don't want to continue to be at this weight. I know it's probably just all in my mind, but I still have a goal number that I want to be at even though to get there, I know it's a combination of losing fat, muscle, water weight, etc. I just want to be at that damn number and to feel tiny. So doing a recomp wouldn't allow me to get to that number and I'm so close. As for bulking, I don't know if I could handle the idea of eating more calories to build muscle (also gaining some fat) and then once again going on a deficit to lose the fat. It honestly scares me and gives me a lot of anxiety.

Yet, going back to what I'm frustrated about, how do I just stop being skinny fat? What do I do? Has anyone else had this problem? What did you do to stop being "skinny fat"?

[Discussion] Note to self
Created: Thu Jul 19 22:13:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ctnc/note_to_self/
Lately I’ve been slipping and need the determination I had in the beginning of the month when I dropped 10lbs quickly. I’ve been snacking and eating bigger meals and I need to find the balance between binging and starving again. And I found it when I restricted. I loved the self control, I did it before and I can do it again I can do this I can do this I can do this.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like a huge fraud...
/u/uncommonlyaverage [5'3" | CW 100 | UGW 92 |19F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:58:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cq1n/i_feel_like_a_huge_fraud/
I love to cook and bake. I make really fancy cake and really nice meals for my boyfriend and my family. I post pictures of my cakes and creations all over social media. But I never eat the food myself. I feel like I portray myself as someone who enjoys food, but I loathe it. I never cook those good meals for myself. I never eat my desserts unless I purge them. I act like I eat these gourmet vegan meals when in reality I only cook like that for other people. I eat lean cuisines and oatmeal packets and shitty protein shakes. All my friends think I'm so lucky that I eat such good food, yet I'm "thin." I don't. I have an eating disorder, and I don't just eat healthy and exercise to look like this. I think I have a talent for baking, and I can't even enjoy it. It's one of the few things in good at sadly.

Here’s to 12 months of “weight loss” sponsored by disordered eating during my phases of BPD
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:50:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90co9t/heres_to_12_months_of_weight_loss_sponsored_by/

[Discussion] DAE Brush their teeth often?
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:40:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90clxe/dae_brush_their_teeth_often/
I've found brushing my teeth satiates my cravings for a little bit and makes me feel full(??) in a way. But I also do this thing where I'll brush my teeth at like 7pm and use that as a reason for not eating. Does anyone else do these things or am I crazy?

Also I have braces so it's not like extra brushing is gonna hurt lol

When the fat girl gets skinny
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ck7c/when_the_fat_girl_gets_skinny/
I went out with a group of people last night. I had not seen most of them in awhile. I've lost 25 ish pounds. Each and every one of them commented on my weight loss. I wanted to die. I ended up leaving early I was so uncomfortable.

I identify with this damn poem so much. https://youtu.be/16Tb_bZZDv0

Long time lurker, first time poster

Is starvation mode real?
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:29:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cjiu/is_starvation_mode_real/
I remember going to the doctor when I was fatter and I wanted to lose weight because I had no idea about nutrition (I was 54 kg and I am 160 cm tall). The doctor gave me a 1100 calories diet. At that time I was doing judo and felt very dizzy after practice so I didn’t want to eat dinner. She told me that I must eat every certain amount of hours, even if its just a yogurt because if I don’t I would start actually getting fatter. I know she is a doctor, but it sounds really fake to me lol.. I thought it may have been a lie to prevent me from getting used to skipping meals??? Idk. What are your opinions on the subject?

[Discussion] High vs. Low Restriction Preference?
/u/tobethinspo [5'0 (153.3 cm) | CW: 96.8 lbs | 19.62]
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:20:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90chet/high_vs_low_restriction_preference/
Am I the only one who prefers high restriction? (To me high is 1000 to under my TDEE.) What is high restriction to you?

The big downside to it though is I feel like I'm normal and don't qualify for my EDNOS/ OSFED diagnosis (until I find myself bent over the toliet purging and then I remember oh yea I'm disordered oops.

I also feel like I loose just as fast mainly cause I'm so terrible at hardcore restricting and just end up binging

Milk Percentage Dream
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:11:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cf87/milk_percentage_dream/
I'm just curious, has anyone had a reoccurring nightmare where they or someone else bought the wrong percentage of milk?

I went out for the first time in months
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:07:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cees/i_went_out_for_the_first_time_in_months/
I’ve been very conscious about calories I’ve been eating and drinking for the past 3 months. Tonight, I ate about 500 calories and drank about 400. I still feel self conscious. Although I weigh the same before I went out, I actually ate food today. Apparently I got hit a lot without noticing but I still think my body is disgusting. My BMI is still overweight...

Is starving mode real?
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:04:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cdm5/is_starving_mode_real/
I remember going to the doctor when I was fatter and I wanted to lose weight because I had no idea about nutrition (I was 54 kg and I am 160 cm tall). The doctor gave me a 1100 calories diet. At that time I was doing judo and felt very dizzy after practice so I didn’t want to eat dinner. She told me that I must eat every certain amount of hours, even if its just a yogurt because if I don’t I would start actually getting fatter.
I know she is a doctor, but it sounds really fake to me lol.. I thought it may have been a lie to prevent me from getting used to skipping meals??? Idk. What are your opinions on the subject?

Surprise! Model trigger
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:50:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90caal/surprise_model_trigger/
Didn't expect this was gonna happen..

I was going through some old drawings from my figure drawing classes (art student!) and was shocked to find my own drawings of the extremely thin models the Prof brought in.

I had about 15-20 large pictures of these gorgeous, mostly underweight girls, in just their panties. I drew their sharp shoulder blades, their ribs, the way their hip bones jutted out, their thigh gaps, their cheekbones. How sunken their stomachs were, dipping in like a valley, being sucked into their skeleton.

Its weird seeing those bodies and being struck not by technical and professional indifference, but with a pang of inferiority and disbelief that girls so lovely could exist in real life, their bodies on full display so I couldn't pretend that it was the clothing that made them look so perfect.

Just weird to see the same images, and to have a totally different emotional reaction.

I had BED while in that class, but didn't restrict ever and had remarkably good body confidence. Now I'm fat and am finally feeling how far I let myself go and am dismayed at how I'm wasting my youth obsessed with food.

(Why were their only underweight models? Idk, but the Prof. Hired those who applied for the position, and I guess you had to have a lot of confidence.)

[Rant/Rave] I was so happy to be away from ana but she’s back
/u/EvenRainbowsScream [4'11 | SW:117| CW:106 | GW:85 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:39:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90c7ke/i_was_so_happy_to_be_away_from_ana_but_shes_back/
I was finally able to gain back some weight and be my true happy self but after my second hospital visit and countless issues in my relationship, I’ve realized ana was always with me. I would be against this but for some reason, this just seems right. I don’t deserve to eat, I don’t deserve to be happy, I don’t deserve love. The only “person” who can give me that is ana and I’m more than happy to welcome her back in my life.

Let’s see what she has in store for me this time.

People currently restricting: how much do you spend on groceries?
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:22:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90c3oo/people_currently_restricting_how_much_do_you/
This is my second time going grocery shopping since I moved out of my parents house and I found that I spend about 25$ for food that lasts me about 2 weeks. I’m wondering how this compares to everyone else? I tend to buy mostly cheap, carby food because of the cost efficiency and that’s what I like to eat

Romantic rejection is great for motivation 😂
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:09:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90c0iw/romantic_rejection_is_great_for_motivation/
I'm not 100% sure if I got rejected by this guy yesterday or not but I took his aloofness kind of hard. Today I'm fasting and it has given me the motivation to double down on my efforts. Maybe he will be more attracted to me when I lose another 10 or 20lbs.

[Tip] Micro dosing mushrooms
/u/penny_pickle [5'10" | CW146 | bmi20.66 | GW129 | 28F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:05:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bzi3/micro_dosing_mushrooms/
Just want to say, every time i take a small dose of mushrooms, i look in the mirror and feel pretty. I just gained a bunch, but i look in the mirror and what is this? I approve of my jaw line? I can imagine the lines of my body being appealing? It's like the dysmorphia melts away. 10/10 would recommend.

Has your ED made you asocial?
/u/starfighter_slim [| BMI: 27.4 | ]
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:01:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90byh8/has_your_ed_made_you_asocial/
by that I mean who else has almost no friends and doesn’t visit neighbors cuz you know they’ll make you eat?

Seriously the last time I went to a party I didn’t eat at all i just sipped vodka. I didn’t wanna go but I was invited and although I did enjoy myself, i was the fattest one there. Killed me. Before that was 3 yrs ago after a funeral where i had just coffee and VERY small portions if food. And whaddya know, I WAS THE FATTEST YOUNG ADULT THERE.

It’s no wonder I never want to be seen.

[Rant/Rave] The “big girl” comment.
/u/spacekookiyo [5'4 | CW: the fat friend | -40 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:55:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bx21/the_big_girl_comment/
Anytime someone says someone is a “big girl” or “bigger girl” I immediately want to ask them what they mean in comparison to me. I’m not skinny but in my mind I qualify as that description. Anyone else have these same feels?

Just floating by...
/u/Firerose157 [5'4" | 110 | 18.9 | hw 146 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:52:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bwac/just_floating_by/
Lately ive noticed intimacy and being checked out makes me want to cover up and scrub my skin. I feel like washing myself but the thought of being naked feels too intense and vulnerable - when he squeezes my legs and ass, i feel the need to squeeze the fat harder to remove the feeling of having just been touched. I wear baggie shirts because im undesicive about my breasts and hate them more daily knowing they will never grab your attention and attract you the way silicone does. I lay in positions that emphasize the fat in my lower half to try to entice you the way I did when I was "thick". I hate my fat legs that i dont think have changed but miss the way you watch my every move at my higher weight. I look at my ass and hear your words again. I ask you to take a pic of me from behind in my new jeans. You say, "you need to eat more first". My brain says youll love me again when im thin. You sneek and lie about it, you watch thick women and prefer them to get off. You want fake and curvy but my head says everything will be better when im thin...

I can't even eat a tiny packet of strawberry jam without being policed.
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:48:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bv8q/i_cant_even_eat_a_tiny_packet_of_strawberry_jam/
I can't eat anything (even leftovers which usually go bad) without my mother/brother becoming extremely accusatory of who ate it. The little packets of strawberry jam (like ketchup packets) ran out and my mom was yelling wondering who ate them. Turns out my brother mostly did, so there was no issue.

But because I've always been overweight, everyone assumes I ate whatever is "missing". Graham crackers no one liked, cereal that's been on top of the fridge for weeks, even diet cream soda (which I didn't have ANY of) that was bought for the whole family and finished by my brothers.

I can't fucking eat anything without FEELING my weight. Every little thing I try to eat gives me anxiety.

[Other] Baby food is my new go to. *mini grocery haul*
/u/Maddreams92 [5'5 | CW:121 | 20.1 | GW: 112]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:28:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bq1k/baby_food_is_my_new_go_to_mini_grocery_haul/

[Rant/Rave] Why is this okay? (just a rant)
/u/hairturban [5'6 | 132lb | 21.3 | -51lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:21:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bofc/why_is_this_okay_just_a_rant/
I was absolutely given buckets of shit at work yesterday due to my weight-loss - why is it considered okay to make comments about my body for being "too thin" and not for me to tell someone when they're "too fat"?

I'm attempting recovery from bulimia, and they only way i can not lose the plot with my body image is to diet the "healthy way" i.e. high restriction & exercise.

The boss making comments about how i'm perfect now and they'll start bringing in scales to weigh me each week if I keep losing is beyond inappropriate, a regular customer made comments asking about how much i weighed now and they I looked "emaciated" (I'm still fucking 6kgs away from even being considered remotely underweight!!).

I ended up eating a fuckload just to prove I was okay, then when and purged it in the bathroom later.

This is unfair, I feel like I'm being sabotaged in my journey to recovery and hate that I felt like I needed to prove myself to get them off my back... Little do they know they fucking just resent me down my old rabbit hole.

I'm not even actively trying to lose weight anymore, I feel like everyones just at me. Even when I try do it the (mostly) healthy way I'm given shit.

Why can't people stop projecting their shit onto me :(

This is my first frantic binge in over a month.. and I’m still going. It hurts and I hate this and I thought this was over
/u/Highoffempty [5'9|CW: 143.3 | GW: 120 | UGW: 106 |Lbs lost: 16.7]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:14:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bmow/this_is_my_first_frantic_binge_in_over_a_month/
Currently trying to put an end to the truly frantic binge in over a month. I keep eating. It hurts. I’m stuffed. I was doing so well.
Why does my brain self sabotage me???? I don’t understand.

Why am I eating?? I’m not sad or stressed or angry. It is out of the blue. I’m just grabbing things and I hate it I don’t even like it and I keep going.

The same brain that tells me I’m disgusting and fat and makes me restrict makes me frantically eat and act like a pig.

Am I really back to hiding my binges and hiding evidence because the amount is absurd??

Please universe let this be a one time thing. I honestly can’t go down this awful spiral again and the self hate. I was JUST starting to hate myself less. I honestly don’t think I can go through the circle again of gaining and losing. Why am I caught in this mind numbing circle? Why can’t I just focus on my “goal” and exhibit self control??? Why can’t I just turn off the switch?

Oops, I guess that’s not allowed.

[Other] Salt Water Flush
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 132.2 & BMI: 20.1 | GW:115 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:13:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bmdq/salt_water_flush/
I’m doing a salt water flush and I just drank my 32 oz of salt water and it feels like I’m going to be sick. Everything I read said to drink it fast but it took me like 30 mins and I’m ready to vomit everywhere. I know logically I’ll mostly lose water weight so idk why I’m doing this but if it makes the scale go down then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Intro] Hi.. I’m new, scared, hungry, and ashamed
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:03:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bjyf/hi_im_new_scared_hungry_and_ashamed/
I’m new to this sub but I’ve had an ED for... 9(??!!) years now. Since I was 14 and first opened that door to starving.

I’m now married, a mom to 2 wonderful weirdos, and am best friends with a dog. My kids are quite young (as am I, honestly), my youngest is almost 4 months old and my oldest is still a toddler.. but he is physically disabled and wears prosthetics. His condition is rare so I’m not going to go further into it to protect his privacy ❤️.

I gained a ton of weight (100 pounds) and a ton of scars (stretch marks and a lot of self injury) during my pregnancies and my oldest sons surgeries. The depression was too much and I completely lost control. I’m still battling the trauma I suffered when I was raped as a terry young child and again molested at 16 by my best “friends”. My mind is so fucked up that even the military discharged me after 3 months of training (I joined when I was 17 and in the worst parts of my disorder). There’s also something fucking weird about my bones that causes them to be very dense and therefore heavy.. I’m 5’6 and my lowest weight was 119 but my BF% was 5. It’s a hereditary thing..also very rare. I’m also told by doctors that I’m “lucky” because I’ll probably never have a chance at breaking a bone; but they aren’t in my head. I see those high numbers on the scale and feel that terror take hold but I don’t know why.

I’ve lost about 30 pounds from my highest weight (but I was pregnant so it doesn’t really count) and I’m now about 215lbs. I know, I know..

We were in a hotel yesterday and they had one of those fucking mirrors that is actually a collapsable closet door so if you position your body between two of the mirror slates, you look ridiculously thin. It triggered the fuck out of me.

I started taking laxatives again a few days ago and it feels so good to purge all the crap in my system. I e never been able to make myself throw up so at least bulimia isn’t a risk..

I binged like crazy 3 days in the past week so it’s safe to say I’m screaming inside and feel like I’ll never recover.

I have so many clothes I want to wear in my closet but I’m too fat for.

I have my favorite ever chocolate stored in my dresser under my “thin” workout clothes so I have a reward when I can fit into them again.

I’m getting the Fitbit Versa once I lose 40 pounds from 230 so about 25 more to go.

I feel bad for my kids. What kind of fucked up mom is like this.

Thanks for reading.

[Discussion] Fellow restrictors, what foods are you missing right now?
Created: Thu Jul 19 18:53:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bhb9/fellow_restrictors_what_foods_are_you_missing/
I just need to talk about how much I miss French fries. I would eat so many fucking French fries right now.

Also chicken tenders. With good dipping sauce. Preferably tenders and fries together. Or, the fried chicken club toaster sandwich from Sonic sounds particularly good. With fries.

Also I could go for a hella good cheeseburger. Also with fries.

And like 10 chocolate bars.


[Help] Trying new things at a gym - how do you deal with the social/anxiety aspect?
Created: Thu Jul 19 18:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bcn6/trying_new_things_at_a_gym_how_do_you_deal_with/
So I've been wanting to include some weight workouts into my life (and hopefully eat more and look better????) but, like many of us, I'm really self-conscious about going to the gym and doing it. I have videos to help me, but it'll still take those first awkward sessions to really get the hang of it, obviously. And it's not like I can do "practice runs" at home, since I don't have weights and stuff here.

I'm posting this in this sub because loseit, fatlogic, and the like are all "no one's looking @ u! just go!" nahhhhh brah.

So guys, knowing the majority of us are super sensitive to how we look to others, how have any of you dealt with trying new things at the gym when others are around?

(P.S. I also have a nasty knee injury at the moment so I'd only be able to do things that don't involve squats/lunges which makes it not only shittier and slower to start, but also more embarrassing lol fml)

[Help] im manic and out of control
/u/painxiety [5'5" | 116.5 | 23 F ]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:53:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90b21q/im_manic_and_out_of_control/
drinking heavily, cant sleep at night, no control over my eating (not bingeing but i dont have discipline), just walked out on my job that i only had to work 2 more shifts until my 2 weeks notice was up, cant bring my hyperactivity under control.

i dunno if this even is okay to post here. i am so out of control but i dont know how to come down.

[Rant/Rave] I miss going to a restaurant and choosing what I want.
/u/biztit [5'8" | 123 | 18.5 | female]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:48:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90b0t5/i_miss_going_to_a_restaurant_and_choosing_what_i/
Idk about y’all, but I love food. I’m not going to hide that. I’ve loved food since I was a kid and that’s not going to change.

I went to dinner with my boyfriend yesterday and it was awesome because it was date night and I love him beyond words. I was looking at the menu at all of the options, but of course I looked at the menu beforehand and chose one of the “light” meals beforehand. The menu was so exciting. There were so many sides, and dishes, and appetizers, and I miss being able to just pick what sounds GOOD. I haven’t been able to do this in YEARS!

I wish I COULD choose a side of mashed potatoes but I can’t. I wish I could try the shrimp pasta but I know it’s loaded with butter and cream so I can’t. I’ve been limiting what I want for so long and it’s so, so exhausting and frustrating.

Never thought I'd be too poor to buy food
/u/skydiver89 [5'4" CW 133 GW 125 UGW 115]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:42:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ayxb/never_thought_id_be_too_poor_to_buy_food/
Wow. For the past few years I'd either binge and restrict. Lately it's been restricting. Now I don't work because of many mental illnesses. I get a set amount from my Dad but to be fair,I help him out a lot at his house. But my mom is out of money for the month. My Dad is frustrated with me not recovering fast enough so he keeps giving me less and less money each time I ask. It's not like I go out and spend it on stupid shit. But now I only have enough money to either buy some food or fill up my gas tank. I had to cancel plans with a friend tonight because of it. I'm fucking starving. I'm actually crying. Maybe I'm being dramatic but I feel like I really took food for granted. Now I have no choice but to starve.

Don't have a period anyway, so who gives a shit?
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:37:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90axp0/dont_have_a_period_anyway_so_who_gives_a_shit/
Ever since my period disappeared due to an IUD, I've just cared much less about losing too much weight. I'm not even underweight or anything, it's just that my view on it has changed. Another block that keeps me from going too far has disappeared :')

[Rant/Rave] Back at it again with the white vans
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:24:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90auhx/back_at_it_again_with_the_white_vans/
Hi guys, I had a very popular account and still have it, but made this new one to have a fresh start.

I was doing alright. Food was of course always on my mind, but I managed to stay within the same 5ish pound margin that my body is “comfortable” in 🙄.

Also, I’ve been battling bipolar disorder that keeps fight back with a vengeance. Even through the past month or so with this going on, I’ve been okay food wise and haven’t actively heavily restricted (okay maybe a couple days I tried but failed), and haven’t purged. I can’t exercise purge because I had hip surgery.

I had a REALLY bad day at work yesterday. Probably the worst I’ve had at this job (3+ years), and that’s saying something.

After I got off, I went to the store and got a bunch of shit food and ate a ton of it. Wasn’t hungry, of course. Then I was sooooo full to the point of pain, and stuff would roll up my throat if I laid down.

So of course I purge, and here we are again. I redownloaded Zero. I want to be strong. Hunger is just a feeling, like my hip pain. I want to be strong for once in my life.

Of course, my coworker just asked if I want to get Ethiopian food for lunch tomorrow. I want to be social but I need to be strong. 🙃

Has anyone else lost a lot of weight and gained no confidence?
/u/camelno9 [5'10 | 158lbs | 22.7 | -132lbs | 19M]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:21:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90atpl/has_anyone_else_lost_a_lot_of_weight_and_gained/
Curious as to whether or not anyone else here has lost a considerable amount of weight or just seen a large difference in their appearance and gained no confidence whatsoever.

what are some good diets/workouts to quickly lose weight?
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90arpi/what_are_some_good_dietsworkouts_to_quickly_lose/
anybody whos antiED dont comment idc abt ur opinion lmao

I haven't eaten for real this week but not due to restricting
/u/FAYGOLMAO [5'8 | CW: 🐘 | -10lb | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:12:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ara3/i_havent_eaten_for_real_this_week_but_not_due_to/
my fiance and I just moved into our own place 6/19/18. This week he has gone into a depressive state and can't work anymore. I've applied for disability at the end of May and I'm waiting to see if I get accepted. We don't have any money coming in right now. He's suicidal and I had to take away all of the sharp objects and lighters. All he does all day is drink and smoke cigarettes. This has been the worst week of my life. I keep trying to get him to go to the hospital but he won't go.

Yall I am struggling so hard right now. I have to watch him all the time. I can't get good sleep because he wakes me up all the time to light his cigarettes. I have to lay down when he does so I can get any sleep. Otherwise I have to stay up with him because we have a gun in the house and I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone. I walked in on him Monday burning himself. I don't have an appetite anymore. I just feel like I'm checking out of everything. I am worried about our future so much. I don't see how we're going to get back on our feet. He's been yelling at me about the stupidest things since Saturday at 5 am. Sober he says "hold \[sharp objects\] so I won't hurt myself" then he gets drunk and says "oh you probably won't even let me have a fork to eat this food since you took everything from me".

I really truly understand what depression is like. I know what he's going through. but if I'm being honest, he's been a drunk asshole and I don't know how much more I can take of this. I'm exhausted. Truly truly exhausted. I know he's going through shit but he doesn't give a shit how much i do for him. He just wants to drink and lay in the floor yelling at me.

I'm not doing well. I'm sorry for the rant. I guess if there's any upside to this, it's that I'm not hungry. I'm sorry if this isn't the right place to post like this, yall are just such a supportive community and I need that.

Former Halo Top Hater
/u/leftshoelauren [5'3"F | SW 185 | CW 161 | GW 110 | 🍑 tinyren]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90aqwv/former_halo_top_hater/
I hate ice cream. I hate the consistency of milk. I was never a fan of Halo Top, but I *am* a huge fan of peanut butter. Since my last relapse, I haven't had a sweet sinful spoonful of peanut butter since about April.

I found peanut butter cup Halo Top at Target today. I wasn't expecting much.

*Now* I am now in serious danger of eating this pint with a fucking ladle, y'all. I cannot believe I was boo boo the fool for so long. I get the hype and my ass literally started clapping in the kitchen from the first bite.

RIP any nutritious dinner I was planning on having tonight lmao

The money I could save if I didn’t have an ED you guys
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:04:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ap38/the_money_i_could_save_if_i_didnt_have_an_ed_you/
I went to Freshii for a salad because it’s the only semi-healthy place anywhere in my city that has calorie counts - lowest cal salad I could find was 250 calories so I got it with dressing on side and figured I could just eat a tiny bit. $10. As they’re making my salad I notice they have little papers where you can actually customize your own salad - all the low cal stuff!! And it even tells you the calories for each thing. I quickly mentally looked at it and customized a 60 calorie salad instead.....and bought another $10 salad muttering about how my boyfriend decided he wanted one when really the first one is just going to go in the garbage lol what’s wrong with me $20 salad bullshit

[Discussion] smoothie recipes that actually keep you full?
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:02:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90aogu/smoothie_recipes_that_actually_keep_you_full/
what are your favorite smoothie recipes? i’m hoping for something relatively low cal that will keep me going throughout the day until dinner.

[Other] (NSFW) I never thought anyone would find me pretty
/u/raspberryfleur [5'4 | 104 | 17.8 | -75 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:51:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90al3k/nsfw_i_never_thought_anyone_would_find_me_pretty/
Forewarning: abusive language if you can’t handle it press back

I used to be obese, awkward, had bad hygeine and bad self confidence. Yup I’m that one everyone used to bully. Got made fun of for the things I liked and for being shy. I’m that girl that your buddies would ask out as a dare.

One day a guy I liked punched my arm fat and laughed at me. I went home crying so hard I puked. I vowed to get in shape, so that he would ask me out. And I did get in shape. I went from 175 pounds to 120 in 4 months. The guy? I rejected him. Brutally. I wanted him to feel as bad as I did that day.

Now I get asked out all the time. My “nerd” hobbies are cool now because I’m not ugly to some people. My “awkwardness” is now seen as cute and guys want to help me, to talk to me, to go out with me...

So now I’m good enough to have sex with but not to be someone’s girlfriend. I will never be someone’s girlfriend. I’m just a fucking cum dumpster. Why the fuck would someone want me other than for sex. That’s probably all guys see me as. Lol. I’m aware “ur too young to be thinking about relationship enjoy being single!!!11!” Well maybe I WANT one Barbra. It makes me cry when people ask “you’re so pretty, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?” And I can’t fucking awnser them because I want to know too

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want to fix it so that I can maybe be happy one day instead of looking in the mirror crying. I might be skinny in people’s eyes, all I see are my flaws. And they’re growing.

I’m probably too skinny. I had tinder dates reject me because “you’re skinnier in person”. All my tinder photos were me, 15 pounds ago. I fixed them now so maybe I’ll find someone who thinks my body isn’t that disgusting. I’m losing more weight anyway so he’d better like it. I want to be 99 pounds.

[Rant/Rave] I'm not an Fing Beagle!
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:41:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ai85/im_not_an_fing_beagle/
Is anyone else annoyed by the amount of researchers who come here looking for subjects? While I understand that it's not specifically against the rules, we're a support group for the mentally ill. I'm going to assume that a mod okay'd the posts but I feel it's in poor taste to invade a support group looking for research subjects. No one would go to a 12-step meeting and do the same. Just because we're Internet based doesn't mean that researchers belong here.

I'm interested in helping out researchers. I receive emails from [ResearchMatch.org](https://ResearchMatch.org) about research I may be able to help with, but this is my safe space. I come here to not feel judged. I come here to not feel alone. I don't come here to feel like I'm a Beagle, ready to be tested upon.

\*Note: I'm against animal testing and don't purchase projects that have been tested upon animals (except medication). The Beagle comments were not in support of animal testing, but to make a point.

does my little brother develop an ed or am i just projecting?
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:34:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ahi0/does_my_little_brother_develop_an_ed_or_am_i_just/
Gonna try to keep this short, I'm just really confused right now.

I'm 19 and he's 16, our parents divorced 8 years ago, straight after that I fell deep into the depression/anxiety pit for like a good five years and my dads alcohol abuse worsened to the point he had to go inpatient several times. So, we've been through shit.

Family situation is as follows: I have good ol' OSFED, our mum is an ex-bulimic, who prides herself in never having exceeded 55kg all her life, our dad goes on week-long fasts several times a year and our grandma had anorexia. I think my parents are partly to blame for my issues, and he grew up under the same circumstances, didn't he.

He exhibits some of the same weird behaviour I do. Like eating junk food in his room, he's gone on those late night "runs", completly out of the blue and once he suggested that he knew what "Chew and Spitting" was when I described it (without mentioning the name). He's underweight and has low body fat. He just came back from playing football with his friends, then went into the attic to exercise some more. It's past midnight. And he has a gym membership, so that doesn't make any sense, which is like the number one trait of eds.

I really don't know what to do. Am I overreacting?
I can't talk to my parents about it, I've voiced concerns about him to both of them once and it got brushed off. My parents are both therapists/social workers, but they're blind when it comes to their children (it took mom 4 years to acknowledge my social anxiety).

Essentials for fasting?
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:22:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90aduz/essentials_for_fasting/
I just finished a 80 hour fast (with a binge) and am planning to do a 50 hour fast starting now. What do you rely on to keep you sane during a fast? I always drink a shit loaf of tea and coffee with ice cubes, but I was wondering if there was something I am missing out on?

Guilty AF
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:09:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90aad8/guilty_af/
So basically, beenfasting for about 62 hours. Got very drunk and felt week and half dead, my stupid self decided to eat a few Arnotts Shapes and Doritos (curse them), lucky for me, drunk me involuntarily threw them up. But I'm still feeling guilty about them the next day because I KNOW I could've gone longer without food, I wish I hadn't eaten at all by I was so weak :/

Pls flair as rant/rave?

[Rant/Rave] using my kid to fuel my ED
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 mochiqueen]
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:09:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90aa7i/using_my_kid_to_fuel_my_ed/
when he refuses to eat my disordered brain is like “see, it’s not good enough for him, why should you eat it?” and when he does eat the ED is like “he eats such a small amount and if you ate like that you’d be small too”. most meals i just watch him eat. if it’s a family dinner then i make a big deal about making sure he has enough and isn’t getting food on him, then it’s “oh my food got cold, well it’s fine ‘cause i wasn’t hungry anyway”

it’s so fucked up. i’m fucked up

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone feel like they can’t restrict when on their period?
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:07:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90a9sl/does_anyone_feel_like_they_cant_restrict_when_on/
I know many people here don’t have periods anymore but I do and they’re horrible, I have cravings for chocolate all of the time and I can’t keep inside of my calorie limit because I’m a hungry fat monster.

Don't get the appeal of c/s
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|~117|23F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 15:33:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909zi1/dont_get_the_appeal_of_cs/
I've never tried chew/spit but I know I wouldn't like it. For me, eating is as much about the feeling of literally consuming and ingesting something as it is about the taste and texture. I feel like c/s would leave me ultimately unfulfilled and lead me to binge anyway. Am I crazy or does anyone else feel this way?

Research survey - how does veganism/vegetarianism impact eating disorder symptoms?
Created: Thu Jul 19 15:31:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909yw2/research_survey_how_does_veganismvegetarianism/
Hello, my name is Clementine and I'm currently undertaking my Masters research as part of my MSc in Child Development at University College London (UCL).

My research is looking into the impact of adherence to a plant-based diet on eating disorder symptoms. Therefore, any type of diet is welcome: meat-eater, vegetarian, vegan. The hope is that this research will help people at risk of or currently suffering with eating disorders.

Please follow and share the below link if you wish to participate or if you would like more information.
The link works best on computers, not on a mobile.
There will be 4 online questionnaires to complete, this should take approximately **15 minutes**.

All answers will be stored **anonymously**. All participants must be between the ages of **16 – 30 years** of age and have an advanced level of **English**.

I really appreciate the time you take to read this! It can be quite difficult to find participants for studies like these therefore any help is much appreciated.

Thank-you so much!

[Help] Breaking a sugar addiction?
/u/fiyacht524 [5'6" |CW 50.5kg |BMI 17.89 | GW:48kg| Female]
Created: Thu Jul 19 15:31:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909yrk/breaking_a_sugar_addiction/
So I've always had an insane sweet tooth, ever since I was a kid. Chocolate and biscuits are my biggest issue, with pastries also becoming an issue.

When I'm fasting, I have no problem skipping meals and turning down offers of crisps, nuts etc, but as soon as there's an opportunity to eat something sweet.... BAM I'm stuffing my face.

Does anyone have any advice or ideas of how I can get this under control? I'd love to cut out sugary junky foods completely (obviously I'd still eat fruit).

Friendly reminder that scales lie: shorts.
Created: Thu Jul 19 15:22:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909w2c/friendly_reminder_that_scales_lie_shorts/
Hi guys. This is a post about shorts.

Ill try to keep it short. (no pun intended). My weight fluctuates a bit. Usually, gains or plateaus just cause me to binge like a mofo. Ive been reading about the whoosh effect and two weeks ago I tried to hang in there until I saw it and fought every urge to binge. I also went on vacation. Few days before my vacation I was either fasting and the weight was NOT budging, or I was eating at TDEE and slowly "gaining" (but I was sure I wasnt eating at a surplus so I focused on blaming water/food weight). During the first 3 days of my vacation I did NOT eat. And, I walked and danced my ass off. So I surely had to be losing some fat. Rest of the days I either ate too much, or fasted. Overall, I was still at a deficit at the end of the week. By the end of the week, my shorts were falling off my butt. I was ecstatic. I surely had lost some weight.

I came home to a 2 kilo gain. I freaked out and binged. Then fasted again, for two days, and Im still at a 1kilo gain from before my vacation. The day after the binge I thought I looked so huge. I thought, I look exactly how I did before my vacation even though I ate so little and moved SO SO SO much (I reached almost 30k steps each day.). For sure the only reason why I looked leaner on vacation was dehydration and lack of food..... no fat loss. Nothing works. Not even starving. I was so pissed. My shorts were indeed loose, but I wore them so much,so maybe I just stretched them out with all the walking........ Fuck. This are my "fat" shorts by the way, the only ones that fit me at my highest. ( I yo-yo a lot...).

Now, I have other shorts. My goal shorts. Which before my vacation, I was able to zip up but they were very tight. Now they dont seem as tight, but it's hard to tell.... They're also really small so they would only account for loss on my ass, not my legs. And the shorts I wore on vacation seem looser on the legs.... But I still dont trust them... Then I had a brilliant idea. I remembered I have other jean shorts which I used to wear last summer, an I tried them on about a week before my vacation and they didnt go up past my thighs, but like, at all. There are knee-long shorts. Damn. They fit. Guys, the scale says Im heavier, even after 48 hours without food...... But they fit. They don't just come up, and zip up, they fit nicely enough to wear. This is in-fucking-sane. They didnt go up at all before!!!!And they've been sitting in my drawer so no way I stretched them out.

By the way, my scale has been on the exact same spot on the floor. I even moved it around today but nope, the bitch is adamant that Im heavier. You could say Ive gained muscle from all the walking and dancing and urely thats a possibility, but 2 kilos worth?? Nah. Im sure theres also water weight involved and all but all in all, the point is: THE SCALE CAN BE A BITCH, HANG IN THERE, DONT THROW IT ALL AWAY BY BINGEING WHENEVER YOU DONT LOSE/GAIN JUST LIKE I USUALLY DO/DID. Im sure a whoosh has to be in the cards for me. Anyway, Im smaller and Im gonna keep going.

Any other high restrictors feel like fakers?
/u/babymooonbeam [5.3.5” | 116 | 22F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 15:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909suc/any_other_high_restrictors_feel_like_fakers/
I feel like a big chubby fraud because I've been aiming for 1200 a day lately. I've been genuinely trying to not purge either.

I'm about to go home and scarf down half a Wawa sub and it's kind of disturbing that it fits into my day and I can still eat after that without going over.

On the flip side though...I can eat 1200 a day and still lose...? *Does not compute*

My therapists undervalue my pain [CW: fatphobia, suicidal thoughts]
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:54:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909nyc/my_therapists_undervalue_my_pain_cw_fatphobia/
So I've had an eating disorder for 7 years. I started going to therapy for depression in 2014 using the public healthcare but it was too crowded and on december 2017 I finally was able to go to the private one, who diagnosed me with an eating disorder (an other issues). Anyway, during these years I've shifted from restricting to binging and I've lost and gained back and lost and gained back and my weight is kind of a rollercoaster. Now I'm in a helathy weight (never went down to unhealthy actually, which makes me feel like a failure) and I feel like not only people underestimate my problems, but also my therapists.

Last Wednesday it came into the conversation that I'm very competitive when it comes to weight and that I always want to be thinner than everyone around me. They asked me if I'd want to be thinner than someone with severe anorexia who weights 30kg and I said yes. Then they spitted "You're saying you want to be thinner than people with a disorder? We are talking about serious issues". Oh ok lol so it seems that if you're not underweight your eating disorder doesn't count and all the pain you've gone and going through is nothing. Keeps happening to me when I open up about it to people, they just say "Oh, but you look fine". Fine for me is a "You need to lose 20kg you pig".

I feel terrible, and what's worse is that I'm in those months in which I cannot get myself to restrict more than 2 days in a row. My suicidal thoughts keep getting stronger because for me "not losing weight = life not worth living" and the fatphobia in this society and the clear fact that people will only care about me if I lose weight is killing me.

Has anyone experienced this too?

I'm jealous
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:53:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909nqb/im_jealous/
I walked past the break room the other day and saw the most glorious sub style sandwich I'd ever seen. Meat, melted cheese, veggies and some kind of sauce spilling out. It had been toasted.

It's just not fair that "normal" people can eat like that without a care in the world.

Half of that sandwich would have been maybe 2 days worth of calories for me, and yet, the person who it belonged to wouldn't have even thought about how many calories, or how much I need to restrict to make up for it.

I just so much want to be able to look at a food and my first thought be "wow, that looks good!" Not how many calories etc.

Such a simple thing. The enjoyment of food, yet I just can't get there.

To be able to ask myself "what do I feel like having for lunch?" And actually following through without anxiety and disgust and self loathing.

Is it just me? Am I the weird one?

Muscle weakness
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:46:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909lwo/muscle_weakness/
So I know that chronically starving yourself obviously comes with detrimental side effects but I've not really experienced this one before. How concerned should I be about muscle weakness? I'm not even exercising but they feel not sore but just...weak idk. I'm concerned my muscles are eating themselves already but I'm only barely underweight like not even BMI 18 flat I'm pretty sure. Is there some sign to be looking out for that it's a problem? Is there something I can do to fix it?

This is at the San Diego Comic Con
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:33:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909i3v/this_is_at_the_san_diego_comic_con/

guess i don't need any more clothes anyway...
/u/edgaranalhoe [5'10" | ugbmi 18-19 ish | bmi 22 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:30:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909hcb/guess_i_dont_need_any_more_clothes_anyway/
after spending like all day in bed yesterday due to being 🌸 super depressed 🌸 i decided to hit the mall this morning to take my mind off things. i'm going on a vacation soon, so i thought i could treat myself to a pair of cheap new girlfriend jeans from h&m so i can painlessly try something new while in the process of weight loss. so, i was trying to fish out a pair of size 28-29 pants, because everything was like 26 and 27, and this tiny teenage girl comes up with her tiny friend. they spent 3 seconds digging through the same pile before one of them said, "oh my god let's go, they are all HUUUGE" which now has me feeling like a bag of turds and i don't know why 😫 bruh i was already self-concious due to being a tall gremlin with a giant ass, now i think treating myself to a mini shopping spree was a huge mistake

[Rant/Rave] krombopulos michael knows what’s up
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:17:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909daa/krombopulos_michael_knows_whats_up/

[Rant/Rave] I can’t purge
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:11:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909b48/i_cant_purge/
I binged for the first time in a month and I’m so proud of myself but I ate two sandwiches drank soda and I bought some chocolate and I want to vomit because of how sick I feel I haven’t had this is so long and I feel ill but I’m not throwing up for any reason and now the calories are making me anxious I have no idea what to do my body feels absolutely disgusting

[Rant/Rave] mustard: a declaration of love
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909aek/mustard_a_declaration_of_love/
no matter how much you stain my hands or my lips, i will always love you, mustard. low cal and flavorful, you are wonderful. you make a sandwich better. you taste good on everything. and you aren’t as heavy and calorific as mayo. god bless mustard. i love you, mustard. love you so much.

supervisor taking my diet coke
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:07:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909a08/supervisor_taking_my_diet_coke/
i'm working at a non-profit this summer back home after coming back from studying abroad (where i started to recover a bit, not fully, but i wasn't restricting and purging the way i do at my normal school) and i've recently started to restrict again and my anxiety around "good" and "bad" foods has gotten really awful lately. i bring a certain amount of safe foods/drinks (mostly caffeinated drinks and small snacks like dried apples) to work and i depend them BEING THERE when i need them. today has been an awful day with tons of anxiety and i went to go get one of the diet cokes i always keep here only to find my supervisor drinking my last one.

it made me so angry i wanted to scream because i NEED that to be there when i need it and now my entire day is thrown off and i know this is so miniscule (and it's empty calories so i might as well drink water) but ugh. not to mention it's just fucking rude.

What do you usually break your fast with?
/u/shrirnpheavennow [5'10| CW: 197.8|SW: 230 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:03:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9098ld/what_do_you_usually_break_your_fast_with/
I'm doing a 24 hour fast today and intend to do one tomorrow, but definitely need to eat tonight. What do you guys usually eat to break a fast without binging?

how to hide weight loss ?
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:58:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9097a9/how_to_hide_weight_loss/
my family have recently been questioning my weight loss & threatening to take me to the doctors if I lose any more

I’m a few lbs off technically being underweight so I’m quite worried

I’ve been trying to wear massive clothes from when I was obese but it’s too hot for things that engulf me

I only want to lose a bit more so I can look better but I don’t want ppl to find out as I’m already with mh services ://

(I’ve had disordered behaviours for over 3 years now but have only recently started dropping weight again)

Lunch date tomorrow and im just terrified
/u/prettyplease2468 [5'5 | CW: 111.2lb | BMI: 18.5 | GW: 107 | SW: 124 | 18F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:48:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9094d2/lunch_date_tomorrow_and_im_just_terrified/
So there's this cute boy that's wanted to grab boba tea/lunch with me for two weeks now but I kept putting it off to "next week" because the sugar in boba makes me want to kms

Im gonna recommend "something low-key like subway/burger king" because I'd rather eat shitty processed food than healthier food I don't know the calorie count of. But if we go to a nicer restaurant without calorie info I will actually fucking die.

I hope to God this guy is cool with it and doesn't think it's trashy to get fast food...But today for lunch he got Mongolian and on other days he gets poke bowls. Bougie food.

Wish me luck gals. 💞

[Tip] a new way to mentally help my restriction
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:28:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908ye0/a_new_way_to_mentally_help_my_restriction/
I hate pickles, but I ask myself whenever I get hungry whether I’d be hungry enough to eat a pickle. If the answer is no, then I’m not actually hungry.

I literally despise pickles they are the bane of this universe and so far I have not gotten hungry enough while restricting to want to eat one.

I hate myself for going through this again
/u/Emp3r0r-_O [5'7 | 171 |BMI: 27| -49 | 32M]
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:26:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908xyp/i_hate_myself_for_going_through_this_again/
I left the military to run away from the Toxic views they have towards peoples body. It definitely triggered me soo much that i was unhealthy and an asshole. I was a bad person and i didn't want to be the dudebro asshole that i was seeing everyone trying to change me to.

Closed all my social media accounts, "recovered" and blew up in weight, but then again hated myself for not being able to find a healthy medium. Depression and insecurities from a recent break up made me relapse again.

I hate the fact that i use my friends to make sure i maintain.

i hate the fact that i make my friends uncomfortable. I am open about my ED to my friends and i can see it makes them uncomfortable. (My friend laughed at the comment i made that i was using her to make sure i ate. She didnt laugh because she thought i was lying of having an ED... she was uncomfortable about it so she only did that because of it)

I hate the fact i have gotten to the point where i don't enjoy food. I don't crave anything. People praise me for being disciplined, but its not fun not being able to enjoy things you enjoyed all your life.

Most of all, I hate myself for not wanting to recover.

Do you find restricting easier when living alone?
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:25:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908xp0/do_you_find_restricting_easier_when_living_alone/
I live with mymom™ and she'll always bring something home. I have no willpower so I eat it. I remember a few weeks ago she was gone for about a week and, boy, restricting was so easy! I basically *forgot* to eat which is unimaginable for me normally.

A bowl of hot, filling semolina porridge for 150 cals or less (=
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:21:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908waa/a_bowl_of_hot_filling_semolina_porridge_for_150/

Fashion Titanic
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:56:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908o97/fashion_titanic/
I got some new clothes at the thrift store the other day because I'm shrinking out of my old stuff, which should be a win, right? I even treated myself to some new cheap black flats I thought were cute in that fast fashion way.

I THOUGHT LIKE AN IDIOT because apparently my new dress and shoes look like absolute fucking garbage.

Dress: 'very comfortable looking', 'flattering for your figure', 'relaxed'.

Shoes: my worst co-worker who dresses like a tornado hit the worst part of Salvation Army told me she wants the same shoes and they also look 'so comfortable'.

Same co-worker, who is obese, told me we looked like we matched in our dresses.

I am trying to make myself eat at least 1000 calories a day but I'm seriously this close to throwing away the rest of my lunch and skipping dinner while I burn all my clothes, because apparently the dresses I can wear because they don't cling to my stomach or thighs and therefore feel safe make me look like a fucking dipshit. Fuck me. Why just not shut the fuck up, coworkers? Just shut the fuck up and let me walk around thinking I look okay for fucking *once*.

[Discussion] Any good songs that you interpret as about your ED or other struggles?
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:50:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908mj5/any_good_songs_that_you_interpret_as_about_your/
This is something I think about a lot. in my head, I turn a lot of songs into ED songs. Anyone else have these?
I.e. “Control” by Halsey or “Let me go” by HAIM (ok which i know was used for starving in suburbia but god i felt that way before i saw that movie)

[Help] Not chewing = less calories?
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:47:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908lgl/not_chewing_less_calories/
Hi guys.

I know there's been a lot of talk about C/S recently but I have a question about how not chewing properly would impact the amount of calories gained from food?

It makes sense that if I don't chew foods properly then the larger pieces won't be digested as fully and therefore less calories would be entering my body. It goes against everything I can find online - mostly I'm reading articles that recommend chewing to lose weight because it slows you down and you don't over eat (I wish).

To clarify, I don't mean swallowing large pieces of food without chewing and potentially choking. I was thinking like not chewing things like corn, grains, quinoa, baked beans, rice, pasta, soft fruits, vegetables. Things that are pretty soft and small to begin with basically.

Sorry for the silly question! Thanks!

[Rant/Rave] How am I supposed to start a new life like this?
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:37:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908i8t/how_am_i_supposed_to_start_a_new_life_like_this/
I'm sorry if this isn't the right place to post this, but it feels like my anxiety is just inextricably linked to my ED. I've been heavy restricting and am supposed to reach my UGW by September 5th. I'm freaking the fuck out because I just received an email from the company I'm going to be joining next month. They're talking about training in cities I've never been to, and I'm just honestly about to have a breakdown. I thought I'd be excited – I was at one point – but I feel like a shell of myself and I just cannot imagine going out into the world and starting my career. I feel doomed. I feel dumb, weak, and out of time. I don't know what I'm really looking for by saying anything of this. I just hate how much this ED has effected my self-confidence. I hope that this feeling will pass but right now I feel like an incompetent fat child. I can't stop crying.

I won't even be at my GW when I'm supposed to start my whole new life. How in the world is that going to work? I feel like I shouldn't be leaving home, I'm not an adult :(

Mild meltdown
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:30:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908fyw/mild_meltdown/
I just found out cinnamon has calories and my heart fell through my arse, did everyone know this???

[Other] So I weighed myself after a month vacation...
/u/caookie [5'3" | 91lbs | 16.5 | LW: 73lbs | Maintenance is hard]
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:12:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908a93/so_i_weighed_myself_after_a_month_vacation/
My family went on a trip to Europe and we spent a month in Italy. I promised myself that I would eat normally and enjoy it, for the sake of myself and also for the sake of my two younger brothers.

We went out to eat every day and had so much pizza, pasta, ice cream, lasagne, and basically anything high calorie you can think of. I logged all of my calories (maybe not so accurately) but I mostly ate what I wanted when I wanted.

As the trip went on I could *see* myself gaining weight. Not having access to a scale was nerve wracking. I avoided pictures and I always felt so anxious when my older brother and I went to the beach. I was so scared that I had gained like 7 pounds, which wouldn’t be totally impossible in a month.

So the morning after I got home, the first thing I did was weigh myself. And guess what!? I didn’t gain any weight! I actually lost some, which means that I’m in my goal weight range again.

Right now, of course, I’m freaking out about the calories in the bowl of chow mien I just ate because it was way too big of a portion to match the calories the restaurant gave it... But something about not gaining weight after a month away from the scale eating pretty much intuitively, something about that gives me hope.

Idk what was the point in any of this but I just thought that I would share for those of you who also panic about being away from the scale for extended periods of time. Maybe a break was good for me. I was so sure that what I was seeing was real, but I guess not.

[Other] I love watching tv...
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:40:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90802q/i_love_watching_tv/
And every time someone starts to eat I’m like “omg how aren’t they counting the calories and just mindlessly eating the chips out of the bag like that” 😂😭 then I remember some people don’t obsess over this like me.

[Rant/Rave] I feel guilty.
/u/mikhuy [5' 0'' | CW 106.4 | BMI 20.9 | GW 95lbs | F21]
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:33:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907xtb/i_feel_guilty/
Over the past few years I feel like I've made huge strides in my "bad eating habits" from being 85lbs, to 115 lbs, I began trying to lose weight again, vowing that I would do it in a healthy way this time. Over \*many\* years, I stopped starving myself for days,chewing and spitting, smoking cigs to curb hunger, excessively counting calories, and weighing myself every day. I can now eat in public too (which was one of the hardest parts).

But in the past few weeks, as I have tried to lose a couple of pounds, the intrusive thoughts of how fat and disgusting I am are becoming louder. Some days have always been more difficult than others, but I always made sure that I would eat. Now I have more bad days than not and I've stopped eating altogether.

I started smoking cigarettes again to stop eating too.

I forgot how much I liked the feeling of losing weight. I feel guilty because I feel like I've taken a big step back from what I worked hard to do. A part of me wants to eat and try to get back on track, another part of me wants to say fuck it and continue to lose weight.

Too much internal conflict for me to handle.

[Help] I just want some baby corn
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:24:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907v18/i_just_want_some_baby_corn/
the can says half a cup is 120 calories and so does one entry on myfitnesspal, but then there’s another entry that says “(corrected)” and says it’s only 10 calories?? i’ve never seen such a big discrepancy. which is it ughh

[Other] I had a whoosh!!
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:19:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907tcl/i_had_a_whoosh/
I was 248.6 yesterday and today I woke up 244.8! I binged a bunch of junk food and I really thought I was gonna retain water and bloat back up to 250. Seeing 244 on the scale this morning was amazing and gave me strength to keep going and work harder. Hoping to keep the momentum going wish me luck yall!

so frustrated
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:16:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907sn8/so_frustrated/
hey friends - first time poster here. ive been in recovery on and off for 10 years and am currently in a bit of a relapse. ive been restricting and doing a bunch of c/s. yesterday night i full on binged, and now today i just want to die. im so frustrated over dealing with this stupid thing for this long. im frustrated over bingeing after extended restriction. im frustrated that i want to binge again right now. i work from home and there's still a bunch of binge foods in the house from yesterday and i dont know how im supposed to get any work done while im thinking about what's in the kitchen 5 feet from me.

ive already c/s'ed this morning and will probably do so again more today. just hoping i can get through without a binge because if i binge again i honestly dont know what will happen.

thanks for listening to me vent. im terrified of these communities bc i never want to encourage someone else's eating disorder, but im desperate for support rn.

[Rant/Rave] Oh fuuuuck me. I’m fasting at work today and a coworker offered anyone the remainder of her monster because she’s not feeling well and in my craze for more caffeine, I accepted it. Only now have I realized that I haven’t had a regular monster in so long, I forgot it has calories.
/u/IsAFailure [~5'6 | Last known weight: 107~]
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:16:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907sgb/oh_fuuuuck_me_im_fasting_at_work_today_and_a/
My coffee had 35~ so I’m sure I broke the fast.

God fucking damnit.

[Rant/Rave] I wish I was taller.
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:03:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907o45/i_wish_i_was_taller/
I'm short and not terribly active. I'm so jealous of the people who are losing 10+ pounds a month. To lose just 2 pounds a week I'd have to eat 500 calories a day. I don't think I have that amount of willpower. For a day? Sure. Everyday for months and months? ...nope. It's just not happening.

...so I'm bound to be a fat whale for such a long time.

[Discussion] Can eating disorders be genetic?
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907iw1/can_eating_disorders_be_genetic/
I know this might just be a coincidence, but my sister is a recovered anorexic and my cousin has been dealing with some kind of eating disorder for many years too. Now that my cousin is verrrryyy slowly recovering I‘m gradually developing worse and worse eating habits and I‘m wondering if this kind of mental illness might just run in the family? Is something like that even possible lol

[Help] Sustaining extreme weight loss !?
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907h7r/sustaining_extreme_weight_loss/
My weight in the beginning of July was around 150 lbs due to the fact that I was bingeing on a daily basis. I’ve been restricting pretty heavily for about a week now and I’m down to 141 lbs. I still want to lose more, but my question is how do I maintain this? I feel like I will gain so much weight back (I’m probably losing mainly water weight at this point) if I begin to eat at 1200 because I lost all the weight by eating less than 1000 a day. Idk what to do 😫

Side note: about a year ago I got down to less than 120 lbs by eating 1200 a day and exercising like mad, but the weight loss was much more gradual than what I’m experiencing now. I’m addicited to the immediate results that I’m seeing but want to find a way to eat a tad more so I can sustain this weight loss for longer. :/

[Other] I dont deserve to live like this.
/u/elevenosix__ [158 cm| 44kg | 17 | 10kg | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:38:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907fu6/i_dont_deserve_to_live_like_this/
I deserve more. I deserve food. I deserve happiness. I will recover. I will.

[Other] wear your energy?
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:35:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907f2p/wear_your_energy/

[Other] Was proud of myself for the smallest amount of time
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:34:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907et3/was_proud_of_myself_for_the_smallest_amount_of/
I was walking in the woods and I found this really nice tasting mushroom that's quite rare where I'm from and I was super excited but I can't find out how many calories are in it online so I guess it's getting fed to the Guinea pigs RIP

[Rant/Rave] Working in an office
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907cuh/working_in_an_office/
One of the ladies brought in donuts this morning. I politely declined when she offered & she still kept insisting. I reminded her that I don’t really like sweets but she wouldn’t take no for an answer 😓 I finally took the donut straight to my office threw it in the trash can without anyone seeing me do it. I crumbled up some papers on top as well so the donut wouldn’t be visible. What I don’t understand is that if I decline twice why keep asking??? It’s so pushy I feel bad because she’s so nice but I said no!!!!

[Rant/Rave] It's not like I'm out for attention but...
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:17:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9079k3/its_not_like_im_out_for_attention_but/
Just needed to vent a bit about how my family is so... non-confrontational, to the point where I feel ignored. I am currently on the worst binge (no purging) phase I've had all year. I feel like the only time I get a moment of normalcy and inner peace is when I am eating something. There's no way my family hasn't noticed my daily routine of traipsing to and from my room and the kitchen, each time with another plate of food. I live with my parents and 2 siblings. I feel like I could eat all the food in the house and they still wouldn't say anything.

They bought a box of 10 ice creams for the family, I ate 6 of them in 2 days , leaving one each for the others and NO ONE SAID A FUCKING WORD. I have pretty bad depression which coincides with the binge so I guess they don't want to risk upsetting me or making me feel ashamed. But I know FULL WELL if they ever thought I was restricting or purging they would be all over that, monitoring ever bite.

I get that overeating is pretty normalised these days, but this is clearly me binging as a result of a depression phase, and what do my parents do? Buy me MORE FOOD to "cheer me up" ?? There have been days where I feel as if I might be able to get the situation under control somewhat, and then my mum comes home with a big smile and a massive heatable lasagne and says "i got this because I know you've had a hard day today". How dim can they be?

I've focussed on the food related side, but I also feel like my depression gets ignored. I can be sitting on the couch with silent tears streaming down my face and have my family members just walk past me without noticing.

Anyway, sorry for the long post.

I know why I can't get better
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:03:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9074vo/i_know_why_i_cant_get_better/
I'll be completely honest with you guys, at first it was just a stupid diet to lose weight fast. Then I got addicted to losing weight, feeling dizzy, the high from fasting etc. Then I also started binging, at first I didn't compensate so I gained so wright, but then I picked up some compensatory behaviours so I wouldn't get too fat so now I'm just normal weight. And the thing is, I can't complain. I mean, I need to put on some muscle, but my body shape is what's considered attractive lately. And at first I wanted to be underweight and I was at some point, and I still wasn't happy. And I'm not happy now, either. But I'm starting to not hate my body, I'm not even sure I want to be sickly skinny anymore. I actually like the big booty, slim waist type of body. Yet, I feel like I *have* to lose weight. I *have* to engage in my disordered behaviours. Because it's the only thing I have, the only thing that's constant and that I can trust. I'm pretty sure my eating disorder will kill me and I'm okay with that. It's reassuring in a sick way. Ah yeah, what I wanted to say is that I basically do these things to myself because I feel the need to hurt myself in some way. And I don't deserve recovery because I have no reason to get better.

I'm sorry this doesn't make any sense. I'm tired and lightheaded.

[Other] Trash Donut
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:57:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90730f/trash_donut/

Another give me a sign not to binge post
/u/glossboy [5'2 | CW:😷 | GW:94 |-29 | 🍑: glossboy]
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9072b8/another_give_me_a_sign_not_to_binge_post/
This is so dumb but I've been in a binge restrict cycle for so long I'm sick of it, my body's sick of it. I've been regaining and losing the same 6-8 pounds for like 7 months and all that's been happening is a theoretical yet unhealthy af weight maintenance with the addition of just constant hair loss.

I'll have the urge to binge for an entire week, freak out over water weight and fat and try to get rid of it and just reenter the same binge cycle.

What sucks is that I live with a mom who is actively *trying* to gain weight, so that means every unsafe food you could ever think of sitting inside my fridge and pantry. Everything is full fat, high calorie, sugary. I keep staring at the pantry and it feels like I'm gonna go insane. Right now I so desperately want to shove the double chocolate poundcake with cream cheese frosting into my mouth.

I sat there saying "bitch you don't need it" and unconsciously said "binge over mind" on accident. Someone please help me. Or give me tips on ways you cope with staying away from a binge. I'm at a breaking point.

Low Cal Pancake Recipe!!
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:50:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9070ut/low_cal_pancake_recipe/

Cake flour - 3/4 cup
Baking powder - 2tsp
Salt - 1tsp
Skim milk -3/4 cup
Egg whites - 2


1. Sprinkle dash of salt on egg whites and beat until stiff, but not dry.
2. Add milk to flour and salt. Beat until smooth.
3. Add baking powder and beat a few seconds more
4. Fold in beaten egg whites.
5. Pour into the pan and turn once. Should be golden brown.

**Nutrition Facts: CALORIES: 25.2 | FAT: 0g  |  PROTEIN: 1.2g  |  CARBS: 5g  |  FIBER: 0.1g**

[Goal] One week binge free!!!
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:49:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9070l2/one_week_binge_free/
I set a goal for myself to be at 115 (120 would also be fine) by my boyfriends birthday mid August. I’m down to 130 as of yesterday and am one week binge free! My goal is to go until his birthday without binging. I’ve been at the gym every day and low restricting so I’ve lost 8-9 pounds in 3 weeks already. Really hoping I can hit my goal I’ll cry lol my LW as an adult was 127 so I’m already so close to that. Happy days happy days my friends. Hope you are all doing well

[Rant/Rave] Don‘t read maybe if you‘re triggered easily
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906w6e/dont_read_maybe_if_youre_triggered_easily/
I just tried to make myself throw up for the first time. I thought about doing it many times before (I‘m a binge eater and usually compensate by restricting and exercising). I fasted the previous 80 hours and just binged a couple hours after breaking my fast even though I didn‘t even really want to???? Anyway I ate too much and feel sick so I shoved my fingers down my throat but nothing came up, I just gagged and now I don‘t know how to feel? Like I KNOW how bad vomiting is and that it‘s an extremely bad habit to get out of but idk??? I‘m sick of feeling like this but I‘m also so scared of spiraling further down this hellhole.

[Goal] I can't celebrate goals because I'm so scared of binging
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -25lb | M21]
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906vsw/i_cant_celebrate_goals_because_im_so_scared_of/
It's been months since I've binged, and I don't really feel one coming on any time soon, but it just feels like a matter of time. I'm terrified. When is it going to happen? When am I going to lose control? It's well overdue. And the scale can go up five pounds after one big binge, and I know it's mostly water weight but it's so scary, and I never binge just once. How am I supposed to celebrate a goal when I can ruin it so quickly? I feel like I need 30lb of wiggle room before I can really cross off a goal as "reached." But at the same time, constantly depreciating myself even when I'm making progress is exactly the sort of thing that would trigger an emotional binge.

But I'm also scared that I'll never binge. Binging was kind of proof that I *could* eat. Not often, not healthily, not in moderation, not normally, but at the very least I could do it. If I don't binge anymore, can I eat anymore? Am I just restricting and purging now? Is this worse?

I feel fatter when I slouch?
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:30:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906uok/i_feel_fatter_when_i_slouch/
I’ve slouched and had bad posture all my life I remember once in hs this girl (who definitely had an ed) told me sitting up straight burns calories and helps you get a flat stomach is this true? I feel like it’s a little fishy

[Goal] The app Happy Scale should really be called OhLolMyAnxietyIsBack Scale (Please add your own name suggestions in comments I considered so many and I’m not funny)
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:26:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906tep/the_app_happy_scale_should_really_be_called/

Created: Thu Jul 19 09:25:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906t35/why/
Why can’t I stop eating?? I’ve just been starving every damn day this week and nothing that normally would fill me is doing the trick and it’s getting close to really bad, 5k-10k binge territory. And the bad logic that if I’m going to starve either way it might as well taste good. And also what is the fucking point of high restricting over low restricting if I’m going to get bingey either way. And it’s making this cycle where I eat, then I work out to get rid of it, then I’m hungry because I worked out, then I eat a bunch, and now I just want to die.

I was doing so well too, id lost 20 lbs in 40 days and was down to a point where I wasn’t completely disgusted with myself and now I’m sobbing in a work bathroom because I wasn’t strong enough to say no to a Panera croissant and I still just want more. What the hell is my body asking for. Is it iron supplements? Is it electrolytes? What vitamin are you missing? Why won’t you just be happy? What’s wrong with it?

[Help] Help with medication and fasting
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:06:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906n2s/help_with_medication_and_fasting/
Hiya, im a long time lurker but made an account to see if I can get some help with medicating my fasting periods. Ive been on and off fasting/restricting/binge-purge for about 4 years but I've never sucessfully used any medication to aid me. I live in the uk so advice from other brits would be helpful but any would be good, anything like laxatives appetite suppressants or anything else at all :) thank you in advance! ❤

[Tip] too true
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:59:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906kvd/too_true/

10 lbs in 2 days
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:57:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906k91/10_lbs_in_2_days/
So I ate normally for two days in a row. Well, “normally”. Probably around 2,500 each day.

I’ve gone from 109 to 119.

Someone reassure me, because I’m in panic mode.

[Rant/Rave] my muscles are in constant pain, and so is my being - a messy biography by the deprived
/u/pointlessparadox [5'3" 🐳 ftm 16 🐳 bmi 22.5 🐳 cw 125 🐳 gw 100 🐳 hw 160 5/25/18]
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:55:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906jr1/my_muscles_are_in_constant_pain_and_so_is_my/
its summer, i stay inside all day because i burn and sweat easily, and i cant hide myself in big clothing

i’ve isolated myself from everyone i possibly can, and i only talk to my friend who got put in the same mental hospital i was in 3 months ago over the phone
we mostly just talk about suicide quietly

i hardly ever leave my room, and i sit in bed all day. my legs hurt constantly now, like a growing pain, but i know it’s the opposite. i want to care, but it’s so hard. moving hurts so much now. its spreading to my arms

i haven’t been drinking enough water, i usually only have two gulps to take my pills in the morning and at night. i don’t want to have to get up to pee

my sleep schedule is a mess, i either sleep early or not at all. its almost a schedule, because it usually alternates nights

i think my pills are destroying my memory, i cant remember so many things, even if they happened just seconds before.

my diet consists of cheese sticks, chicken bars, and protien bars. sometimes i mix it up a little and add olives or other forms of cheese. maybe an egg every few days

i have eaten less than, and usually way below, 1000 calories for two months now.

im too depressed to even log it, but the numbers on the packaging make me feel safe. i add them in my head so quick now

i was weighed at the doctors office, and they wanted me to see a dietician. i mightve gone overboard with the weight loss. they asked my mom to leave the room and asked me questions about what i was eating. i had forgotten i had the appointment and smoked an hour earlier, so i was high the whole time.

ive started burning myself with a lighter

my parents are worried, they don’t know whats going on. they ask me about what i eat and try to get me to eat more. they text me constantly and i absolutely hate it. my mom doesnt like it when i don’t sleep and my dad comes over to the house sometimes and wakes me up when i actually do sleep. nobody is on the same page. im not even on the same page as myself

i broke down in front of my therapist for the first time yesterday, but i cant talk to her about almost all of this.

so i wrote it here

[Help] Weigh in worried
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:47:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906h4s/weigh_in_worried/
First off I'm by no means underweight. I had been placed on 50mg Vyvanse for BED in June. In 42 days I've lost 15 pounds. I'm thrilled! However, doc mentioned she didn't want me to lose too much weight. At the one month mark I was already down 9 lbs. I wore a coat, had my phone, 5 dollars in quarters, a freaking padlock in my pocket. I wore layers. It added 4 pounds. That being said, she squaked at a measly 5 lbs loss. I have a weigh in late September. I'm planning on wearing ankle weight because I believe I will be losing steadily until then. What has anyone used to cover weight loss at the doctor's? I do not want to stop losing and the Vyvanse has eliminated my hunger and also binges!!!! It's pretty obvious to me that if I'm not bingeing on 2000 calories each night in addition to regular meals I will lose weight. I guess I could try to explain that...I'm worried she won't prescribe anymore. I also can see down the line that each weigh in I will be in trouble trying make up for weight loss from the time before. I'm considering eating chipotle a day or 2 before. Lots of sodium & a huge ass burrito. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated if you have them. 10/10 recommend Vyvanse.

DAE not dislike their bodies?
/u/therealtompetty [5'5 | CW 119 | BMI 19.8 | GW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:44:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906gg0/dae_not_dislike_their_bodies/
I'm really sorry if this is triggering for anyone and I know a lot of you suffer from body dysmorphia and I could never even imagine what kind of pain that must bring. This is just something I've been thinking about a lot lately because I've been feeling fairly confident with my body but I still don't want to recover or stop restricting. I would like to be skinnier of course but I do like my body the way it is now. It's just interesting because I've never been overweight or thought I was fat so I'm not sure what caused this eating disorder, I think for me it's mostly about control and having something to focus on. If anyone else doesn't dislike or does like their body I'm just wondering what motivates you or what do you think caused your disorder?

[Goal] I wish I could eat my weight in cheesecake
/u/Burlesqua [🌷 5'4'' | CW:108 | BMI:18 | 20/F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:34:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906d7g/i_wish_i_could_eat_my_weight_in_cheesecake/
that’s it. bury me in cream cheese

[Other] *internal screaming*
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:17:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90686s/internal_screaming/

I am underweight, I want to gain weight but I am never hungry
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:12:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9066pv/i_am_underweight_i_want_to_gain_weight_but_i_am/
I hope this is a valid submission. I am fairly underweight and always was. I eat kid portions, cant finish an entire kebab, cant finish a medium sized pizza in one sitting, am content with one average sized bowl of curry etc.

Im a guy and honestly I wish I was buff and could gain weight, but it seems impossible. I just wish I wouldnt have to eat, its like im not interested in food even though a lot of it tastes very good. My mother thinks im simply too lazy, and that its just very bad habits. It has always been like that though (I remember my kindergarten teacher trying to shovel spoons in my mouth). After years and different people trying to get me to gain weight, she has given up and just frowns when I visit and I dont finish the food she cooks. Its like I have this stubborn unwillingness to feed myself. I could go without eating an entire day, I would just eventually feel cold and maybe have a bit of a grumble in my stomach, but not more. I would tell myself to get something to eat now, because I know I really should, but I dont really care for it, dont really want to but will reluctantly- essentially I am just not hungry. Often I just cant be fucked to cook something, even though I dont even mind cooking and have all the ingredients at home, other times people literally put food in front of me and I just reject it for reasons i dont understand. I like eating alone though and prefer that to other people being there and \*watching\* me, so maybe that has something to do with it. I mean people tried to force me to eat all my life, but likewise I have had this condition all my life (I was born prematurely and was a very picky kid).

People have told me I look like a holocaust survivor or gollum or something whenever I take my shirt off, so obviously I wish I could change it. I went to the gym for a while, drank weight gainers, protein shakes as well as trying to eat properly and regularly and only ended up gaining 5kg. I did this for several months and it kinda felt like a wasted effort. Likewise if I spend a week at home doing nothing, just feeding on garbage like cereal or dry bread etc. I dont end up losing weight either. Its like my body is fixed. It sucks. Ideally I would want to gain, so that I can work out and gain muscle and look good, but it sure seems impossible.

I feel fine, I manage to live with my life like a normal human being, I am happy and I have accepted the way I am a long time ago. I am not suicidal or anything. I just don't understand how I can do all the same things my friends and roommates do whilst eating significantly less than them. I dont relate to other people with eating disorders at all. I have met a couple, they think \*I get them\* or their mentality or something, but I don't really. I can only relate to their symptoms I suppose (like getting a head rush when standing up to quickly, always freezing etc.) but not to their motivations or other things really. Im also not hesitant to pick something up to eat quickly on the go etc. I eat meat, no moral issues or with eating in general.

Sometimes I have appetite to eat something specific, and Ill go to great lengths to cook it the way I like, but ill still only eat one bowl, although I could technically fit another one or at least a little bit more, I would just have to go to the kitchen and get it. However at that moment eating is something I am not concerned with anymore, its not a problem to deal with anymore and of no interest to me. Sometimes if I really like the food, or if spent a lot of energy (doing a lot of sport or something equivalent) ill eat until I am truly full though.

Because of university I try to make myself eat three times a day because I know it affects my studying in one way or another and I know that you cant expect a car to race if you dont fuel it adequately. But thats ultimately the only reason I eat at all. Yes food can taste good, but I eat because I have to and cant get around it. I actually tried to sustain on food supplement shakes for a while because I thought that it would be more convenient than having to eat, it wasnt really an option though. People ask me if I'm anorexic but I dont puke after eating and I dont want to be thin. To me it doesnt really matter how you would classify it. I just know that it's unhealthy and its not what I want, so what the fuck is wrong with me and how do I fix it?

Thank you in advance, Im just looking for an explanation and possibly advice

How to properly calculate body fat?
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:11:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9066nl/how_to_properly_calculate_body_fat/
If this is already posted elsewhere Im more than happy to delete!

Im seeing a lot of contracitery ways to figure out body fat? Right now I have scales which I have been using to track my body weight but I noticed that I cant really see any weight actually shifting from my body so I invested in some fat callipers and messuring tape but every sourse I find is giving me so many diffrent ways to do this?

[Rant/Rave] When obese relatives are telling you "stop, you look ill."
/u/stlib [5'10" | CW: 141 lbs | BMI: 20.5 | -84 lbs | GW: 126 lbs | 21 F |]
Created: Thu Jul 19 07:36:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905wjg/when_obese_relatives_are_telling_you_stop_you/
I come from a fat family. Since moving out with my fiancée I have lost 6 stone (94lbs).

So we were having a 'family intervention' lunch yesterday because my mother goes through periods of manic depression and likes to drag everyone down with her whenever her mood goes down. I stop talking to her during these periods as every phone call is emotional black mail, hypocrisy and vitriol.

My mum and aunt both lost a good amount of weight (around 50-60 lbs) through Skimming World. My mum became a SWorld rep, winning a couple Miss Slinky/ Slimmer of the year awards between them. Lo and behold, they have both regained the weight they lost and then some. [(Well, we like the cake don't we?)](https://youtu.be/9XwbR7_k8Qc)

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to be around them, even on stable days. My order of a grilled chicken salad was met with a dramatic sigh. My aunt then proceeded to order a Tikka Masala, naan bread and rice. She then mentioned to my uncle she would like it if she could pinch "a couple" of his chips. By the time the meals hit the table, that meant half of my uncle's portion and 3/4 of my girlfriends (who wouldn't have eaten them anyway, she did offer but wow?).

During this meal, she mentioned that she thinks I look ill because of how thin I am. As you can see, I have a really good BMI for my height. In a previous conversation with my mother and aunt, they both said that I "talk about food and weight too much." Excuse the living fuck out of me, but 6 months ago when you were both at your LW you couldn't shut up about Syns and Hex-B optimisation and whatever other pseudoscience they teach people at SWorld. You were both telling me that I was wrong, that I can't do this without support, that I'll gain it all back because I'm only dieting where as SWorld is a \*LiFeSTyLe ChOiCE\*. [Mmhmm.](https://mtv.mtvnimages.com/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:mtv.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/tumblr_inline_nwj3w7ire01sbt3fl_500-1476882711.gif?quality=.8&height=280&width=500)

Just ugh. I understand they are coming from a place of love but when you're in a family where food = love this can get very tiring. I've been obese since I was 10 years old, I just want someone to validate me.

[Rant/Rave] Lunch at work
Created: Thu Jul 19 07:35:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905w9q/lunch_at_work/
Ugh this is a huge stressor for me at the moment and I just have to rant to people who’d actually understand

So at my job, my current work location is closing and my coworkers and I will be splitting to go to other locations. Because of this, my job is buying us lunch. We also have a customer who wanted to buy us lunch. Now our location is shutting down tomorrow so the plan was the customers lunch today and the work lunch tomorrow. They’d planned on some restaurant nearby for today and Mission BBQ tomorrow

Now I scoured the menu for today’s restaurant and figured the lowest calorie thing on the lunch menu was probably the roasted eggplant and artichoke heart salad with asparagus. All veggies, I don’t have to eat the whole thing, overall low cal and good. And as far as BBQ goes, I figured for tomorrow I’d bring my lunch (low cal lettuce wrap) “forgetting” that we were ordering, and I’d order with everyone else but I’d take it home to split with my husband for dinner. Half the calories but I still get to enjoy delicious BBQ relatively guilt free

Well they just fucked my plans because we have our regional coming today and she wants to order lunch with us so they’ve decided the work lunch will be today and the customer lunch tomorrow. So now everyone’s gonna want BBQ today and I don’t have a backup lunch. I’m supposed to have a friend over tonight and I’m not sure about dinner plans (already a stressor because I can’t plan ahead), and now I don’t have a low cal lunch to eat in lieu of BBQ. I mean I guess all I can really do is order what I would have ordered, not eat lunch and then let husband have his half for dinner tonight and I’ll have my half for dinner tomorrow evening. Only thing is when I’m literally ANYWHERE but work I’m fine with not eating but at work if heaven forbid I skip lunch I get a mega headache and I feel like throwing up

Sorry for the huge rant, I just had to get this off my chest

Tldr: my lunch plans for today and tomorrow have been completely fucked because I’m scared of calories

[Help] There's an AskReddit thread asking therapists what the signs are when you need help. Useful for symptoms outside of the "normal" ED ones.
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 53 | 17.71/17.50 | UGW: 54-55 (52.3?) | 26F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 07:34:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905w5h/theres_an_askreddit_thread_asking_therapists_what/
[Non-participation link](https://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/8zw16o/serious_therapists_of_reddit_what_are_the_signs/)

I know we can't x-post shit (rule # 5) but I feel like this might be worthy of an exception.

Everything is going pretty good lately but I still want to self harm and restrict.
/u/KlokWerkN [5'9" | 128 | 18.9 | -59 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 07:32:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905ve8/everything_is_going_pretty_good_lately_but_i/
I've been on Effexor and Abilify for 2 months and I think it's done a ton for my depression. I don't wake up feeling depressed everyday, I'll have a few bad days but it's totally better. Work is going fantastic and I just started dating someone that I really love and care about. So why am I still struggling with my eating behavior? Why do I still feel like I don't deserve to eat? It's really frustrating. I thought my ED behavior was tied into my depression but lately it really is starting to feel like it's own "thing". I just feel like maybe I'm faking it or something because I don't have any "reason" to do this anymore.

I made an Eating Disorder multireddit.. check it out!
/u/BIueJayWay [5"3| CW:107 |GW: 102 |BMI:19 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 07:30:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905uvu/i_made_an_eating_disorder_multireddit_check_it_out/

Tried to let loose and now I feel like I'll be binging for the rest of my life
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 06:43:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905i98/tried_to_let_loose_and_now_i_feel_like_ill_be/
I just need to get this out. Any encouragement would be so loved right now. I'm at work feeling so disgusted in myself. I was successfully restricting all week - as in Monday and Tuesday which isn't exactly much to be proud of - and finally the scale was falling again. I got down to a new LW - 92.5 lbs!!! - and was feeling really good. Happy.

Wednesday nights in my town we have free concerts and I have VIP tickets through work sponsorship. I restricted all day knowing I'd be going out for dinner and drinks....but I didn't prepare myself for the binge that happened :( I had probably 700 calories in drinks alone - I think about 8 rum and diets and a glass of red wine (wtf?) THEN my date and I went for a slice of wood-fired pizza, which had I stopped there, would have been fine....thin crust and healthy toppings, this place is pretty good and their slices are maybe 300 calories? That's my guess anyway. It was the first thing I ate that day so I was okay with it.

But no. I tell him "that's just an appetizer!" and he agrees he didn't feel full either. "Just an appetizer??" what's wrong with me? so we go to another place on the walk home and he orders loaded lattice fries. I eat half. I never eat fries, or cheese, or sour cream - those are HUGE fear foods for me :(

THEN we go back to my place and order a thin-crust domino's pizza and he insists on cheesy bread as well.

I can see where I was trying - insisting on the 10" thin crust - but I ate half of it, and probably 3 pieces of cheesy bread - and I'm in full panic mode this morning. I'm up to 96lbs on the scale - up FOUR pounds since yesterday....I'm at work all day and exhausted, I work with kids so I have to eat, and I just feel like I have absolutely no idea how many calories I consumed last night between slice #1, the fries, and domino's - I hate drunk me. I know this is a long rant and probably makes no sense. I just need to know how many calories I ate so I know how much weight I gained....and I need to have faith that I can restrict enough over the next few days to make up for it.....but those are both things I feel like I can't have and can't control and I hate this. Feel like I might as well just keep eating whatever since there's no point anyway. got a tim hortons smoothie on the way to work - I haven't ordered food at a fast food place in a year.....all bets are off

[Help] Apple Cider Vinegar
/u/silencx [H:5'11" | CW:130 ]
Created: Thu Jul 19 06:21:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905cps/apple_cider_vinegar/
Do you guys get it with or without the mother? My internet research seems to conclude that acv with the mother is better for appitite suppression, but I just wanted to double check here before buying any.

Does abusing laxatives (taking 3x the dosage almost every day for two years) help you lose calories from "non" digestion, or is it simply losing water weight and becoming extremely dehydrated?
/u/I_Love_Spiders_AMA [5' 7" | CW 137 | GW 110 | -45 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 06:17:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905bye/does_abusing_laxatives_taking_3x_the_dosage/
I swear to god I'm only confident enough to post here and anywhere else when I'm drunk. So drunk me really wants to know the question in the title. I slightly abused laxatives in my restriction, over-exercising stage from 2016-2017 of my eating disorder--when it really developed--but after my life had some extreme stressors introduced and I did not handle them well, and I gained 15 pounds in the span of two months.

That 15 pounds may as well have been depression, anxiety, anger, self-hatred, and disgust balled up into one ugly creature because it had shaped me into a self-loathing, insecure, and pathetic version of myself. I so ioncredibly despise myself for destroying what I had worked so hard for--a body that was not that fat...

Any fucking ways, this all has caused me to abuse laxatives so heavily. Lately not so much. A big wake-up-call was me ruining my boyfriend's birthday by not being able to go to the city zoo because I was in genuine agony on the bathroom floor for two hours from stomach cramps.

I have a history of abusing painkillers and I think even the action of taking more laxatives than I should triggers this excitement inside of me because I know it's wrong. Also, waking up in the morning and shitting your brains out, regardless of the pain, makes me look and feel so skinny afterwards.

So my question is--and sorry for TMI--even though I can see whole, undigested foods in my BMs(bowel movements I have no idea why the fuck this embarrasses me), does that mean I'm waking up 5 pounds lighter because I actually lost weight, or because the entire process dehydrated me and I need water and electrolytes?

Thanks for those who took the time to read, I know this is probably a hot mess but I love all of you here.

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support July 19, 2018
Created: Thu Jul 19 06:11:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905ais/weekly_emotional_support_july_19_2018/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 19, 2018
Created: Thu Jul 19 06:10:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905a87/daily_food_diary_july_19_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for July 19, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] Do I ask?
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Thu Jul 19 05:18:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904yxv/do_i_ask/
I am stupidly underweight which isn’t all that attractive and quite frankly, is dangerous. I need to sort myself out.

I have a friend who has been there for me in all situations. Each time I try to buy protein bars/ granola bars I can’t do it because the calories and variation panics me.

I’m considering asking my friend whether I could just give them some money and have them make the decision.

I don’t want to seem needy or weak, but I also can’t afford to lose weight and can’t bring myself to buy the god damn granola bars.

Would this be an okay thing to do?!

Feeling guilty over spending too much money?
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:58:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904uju/feeling_guilty_over_spending_too_much_money/
Yesterday I watched a documentary about how the crisis has hit venezuela and it's people, they met up with a family, and everyone was really really skinny, with sunken in cheeks and a what you'd consider thinspo-body - they basically ate nothing but the cheapest stuff in tiny amounts (corn porrige once a day or so).

Yesterday I bought an organic banana for 50 cents instead of a package with 7 bananas for 1$ because I only wanted one and had already planned my meals on mpf. I bought an expensive drink, then fucking poured in into the sink to put in the diet version instead because I was going out with friends and wanted to make them believe I was drinking the regular stuff. Today I got a coffee drink (way too expensive!), but only looked at the calories later because I was with a friend (and she didn't even got anything or suggested we should get something, so it's not that I 'had' to get something, I was just in the mood of spending money!), and just saw that it was like 130 calories for the bottle, so I might just throw it out. This week I also ordered fucking chewing gum for 15$ and last week a ton of diet bullshit for like 50$. Damn.

There are people getting by on like 5$ a month AND losing weight. This is what I'd much rather do - eat tiny amounts of the cheapest stuff, spend almost no money on food, drink water and lose weight - not 'cheat' around with diet food and throw so much money out of the window. I feel really guilty about this now :( I mean, I could easily get by a whole month on like a pack of oatmeal, a dozen eggs and a big bag of frozen veggies. 3$!

Anyone else in the same boat?

[Other] What I learnt in rehab 🐽
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:54:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904tmd/what_i_learnt_in_rehab/

Problems (with)

[Discussion] 😍 what are your goals?? Is it a # or...?
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:42:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904r7i/what_are_your_goals_is_it_a_or/
My goals are

To have a great thigh gap, not this fake one I have at moment where if my heels and toes are touching, then so do my thighs (unless I pop my ass out)

For my boyfriend to tell me I’m too skinny and not to lose anymore weight (currently he says I’m perfect but he’s said that from when I meet him at 68kg start ———->55kg current

To be on the borderline of underweight BMI

To buy kids clothes (I’m short)

To be 15% body fat, so I can see definition of my abs.

To be size 00 American

To weigh 99 lbs


Buying XS clothes
Can see my ribs
Total weight loss 29kg in 9 months
Gone from obese to healthy BMI
Size 2 American


Waste of money on b/p
Have never gone on date w bf as I don’t enjoy eating (well secretly I love it)
Avoid social situations with food involved
Staying out late to miss meals

[Discussion] DAE think that when they take laxatives they are literally a bag of shit
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:32:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904pah/dae_think_that_when_they_take_laxatives_they_are/
Sorry if inappropriate, it’s just how I feel with my stomach slushing around.

[Help] I’ve lost 82.5 pounds since last July and I’ve finally made it to a “normal” weight.
/u/pastelmang [ 5'10 | cw167.5 | bmi24.0 | gw150 |-82.5 | 24f]
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:24:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904nkn/ive_lost_825_pounds_since_last_july_and_ive/
Title says it all. Hello guys! I used to post here every now and then on a different account but got scared cause it contained my name. This is just a throwaway account. Now I’ve lost a lot of weight and I finally have a what doctors and others would say an “average” weight... but I can’t seem to stop this mindset of restricting. I still see myself at 260 pounds.. I’ve been so desperately trying to recover but eating at “maintenance” level just seems so fucking insane - how do people do it? Are there any other people in this boat... that just want to maintain for a little bit... mostly to avoid suspicion from families and friends... I don’t know. Thanks guys!

[Rant/Rave] I Am a Terrible Human
/u/_Pulltab_ [ 5'7" | CW 177| BMI 27.7 | -18 |GW 135 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:06:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904k5b/i_am_a_terrible_human/
Going to visit my best friend next week - I haven’t seen her in a few months, not before I started seriously restricting. I’m down 20 now but would like to get another 5 pounds before the end of next week. She’s a personal trainer and has, like, 0 body fat. She’s also the most amazing human being on the planet.

But me, fucked up person that I am, wants her to notice my weight loss and express concern so I can be all breezy and be like, “nah, I’m cool, I’ve just really been watching what I eat” and then dismiss the subject.

TL/DR; I suck.

[Rant/Rave] I don't even care anymore
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:02:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904jfq/i_dont_even_care_anymore/
TW ahead.

I'm so depressed I can't even bother getting out of bed. I want to starve to death. I don't care about recovery anymore. I don't even care about going out or being alive. I just want to spend my last days peacefully in my room, without any food, or scales, or responsabilities, to disturb me.

Have your say in newspaper piece
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:00:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904iyx/have_your_say_in_newspaper_piece/
I'm writing a piece about body dysmorphia, and the use and abuse of steroids among young men. The piece will touch on sources of psychological and social pressure, such as the Love Island tv show, but I'm most interested in interviewing those affected. Would anyone like to be interviewed (and potentially photographed) for the piece?

NB only 16 years +

Happy hour???
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: 106 | GW: idk | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 03:53:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904hlt/happy_hour/
Whats your go to drink/ beer and how do you count the calories????? Help pls!

[Other] Cramps
Created: Thu Jul 19 02:53:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90466r/cramps/
Does anyone else feel horrible
cramps all over their body the first few days after you start low restricting? I know what the cramps are from i just want to see what other people have experienced haha. They are hurting me so bad right now i can’t sleep.

Drew my demon at work.
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 53 | 17.71/17.50 | UGW: 54-55 (52.3?) | 26F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 02:43:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9044gz/drew_my_demon_at_work/

[Help] Eating before the gym?
/u/celestialmisstep [5'4" | -37lb | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 02:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9042m5/eating_before_the_gym/
So I’ll be going to the gym today (for the first time in toooooo long) and I was wondering what kind of foods you guys usually eat before the gym/exercise? I’m trying to break my instinct to fast cause there’s truly nothing more embarrassing than blacking out in somewhere like that.

[Rant/Rave] Why aren’t there any pants that fit me???
Created: Thu Jul 19 02:25:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90416a/why_arent_there_any_pants_that_fit_me/
I recently accepted that I won’t fit into my size 36 summer pants soon so I went and bought new ones (size 40/ size L). EU/ German sizes btw. For reference I’m at a BMI 22.

My thighs aren’t slim at all but since they are quite muscular (I go running 6 times a week) I’m okay with that. HOWEVER every pants I found either fit my thighs but are to loose around the waist/ hips or the other way around.

IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO MAKE PANTS THAT FIT MORE THAN 3 DIFFERENT BODY SIZES???? I mean jfc I can imagine there are more people with a similar problem and stores still have the FUCKING DECENCY to pretend that every kind of woman will fit into one of their 3 sizes??? Sometimes you’re “lucky” and they’ll still have XS and XL - however NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME PROPORTIONS.

Now I’m walking around looking like a blob because I can’t find any fitting clothes.

[Rant/Rave] The recovery bs seems to be over now
/u/space-crumpet [178 cm | GW: 65kg | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 01:57:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/903w06/the_recovery_bs_seems_to_be_over_now/
**Definitely triggering!**

I made this solid promise to my therapist and myself that I'm recovering. Hitting 1k kcal a day and maintaining it, then trying to extend it to 1500. I've been in a such a good mood again. We even started to have sex again regularly.

I woke up today and knew it wouldn't be easy. I weighted myself with no improvement whatsoever, I'm stuck for way too many days. So the situation went even worse. Then my husband decided to have a talk about me going to the dietitian (I'm already having a therapy and I'm on medication, so come on!) during breakfast. He knows I need to focus during the meal, and yet decided to talk to me.

He left for work (he leaves earlier than me), and I purged all the breakfast. I made myself a purging feast. I was drinking water and emptying my stomach. It was such a relief for a moment.

I'm a complete mess today. I'm deep into restricting again, and I don't even want to recover anymore.

[Discussion] Extreme water fasting
Created: Thu Jul 19 01:45:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/903tn1/extreme_water_fasting/
So it's july 19 today and school for me starts August 6th.Since school is around the corner I'm desperate to lose 20lbs by then so I'm going to be doing a diet that is both dumb and maybe dangerous.Starting today till August 5th I'll be doing what i call intermediate water fasting.The first 24hrs I'll be consuming nothing but 13 liters or 3 1/2 gallons of water.the next day I'll have half of that I'll also be eating some plain salt that day at least a tbsp.then the next 7 days I'll be doing 13 liters or 3 1/2 gallon daily but with a max of 500 cals.3 days after that I'll have no water with only 100 calories daily.the last 6 days will consist of drinking 7-10 liters with 1000 calories daily.

Do you think this is good,ok,bad,or just way too much?

[Help] So... About that whole "bouncing and recovering" thing :'( [TW: self-harm]
/u/AnAccidentSince1997 [5'10'' | CW: 183 | GW: 160 | Weight Lost: 42 lb | F 21]
Created: Thu Jul 19 00:54:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/903jax/so_about_that_whole_bouncing_and_recovering_thing/
Ugh. Before I had posted that, I had been "recovering" for a couple days. All in all, I'd say that I'd did really well for a bit under a week. Then suddenly I freaked out. I don't know why.

I don't want to get too into the details, but the cuts on my arm are now much bigger than before, and most definitely my "my bearded dragon scratched me" or "I don't know I guess I scraped it when I was drinking" excuses will be remotely believable. These are clearly self harm cuts. Fuck. Fuck. Why did I do that? Why? Fuck. My mom is going to freak. She's picking me up in exactly 1 week. I started using healing and scar cream, but fuck I don't think it will help.

How am I supposed to recover?! I was so ready. I set up a goals chart. I was reaching them everyday. I was happy. I wasn't thinking about it in a negative way. My mindset was right. Then I just freaked out! Is this going to be how it goes? I "recover" for 5 days and then I cut myself until the blood is dripping down my arm and relapse right back into It all !?!??! Fuck fuck fuck.

eating disorders are soOoOo beautiful!!
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 114| LW: 110 |HW: 134|UGW: 105|19F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 00:43:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/903h4u/eating_disorders_are_sooooo_beautiful/
since i've relapsed back into my ED i feel so pretty!!! i fast as much as i can to the point where i feel so guilty i want to cry a little bit whenever i eat anything <3 i exercise every single day to the point where i physically can't anymore and i just kinda lay there on the floor staring at the ceiling in pain wondering why i'm even doing this if i can't even see the results in the mirror :) i think the pain in my chest is anxiety but my anxiety tells me it's my heart failing because i'm underweight :0 two days ago i purged in an old, smelly mcdonalds bag i found in my friend's dirty car and missed the dumpster when i tried to toss away the evidence and i think someone saw me but i ran away before i could tell for sure :3 i weigh myself up to five times a day and whatever is on the scale determines whether or not i eat!! uwu i've forgotten what it means to eat normally because i either binge or fast, there's no middle ground :P every time i hit a goal weight i make it lower because i'm not good enough and i'll never be good enough until i inevitably die from this horrible disease!! some days i want to eat normally because everything hurts and i'm dizzy and cold but i can't even force myself to eat enough calories hehehe eating disorders are so beautiful i pray to goddess ana every day to make me skinny <3 <3 <3

[srs] i'm really glad there's a sane group of people i can talk about this with. i'm at a new low but i don't feel so alone.

[Help] Nausea after taking multivitamin
Created: Thu Jul 19 00:28:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/903e2o/nausea_after_taking_multivitamin/
So I took a multivitamin with my coffee and I feel really sick right now. Has anyone else experienced this? When does the nausea go away/how can you make it go away quicker?

[Discussion] so what’s your ideal shopping list?
Created: Wed Jul 18 23:56:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9037nm/so_whats_your_ideal_shopping_list/
not sure if there’s another or more so recent posting regarding this topic but im just curious. im going shopping for groceries tomorrow and trying to budget only to low cal foods that are actually filling. 🍓

How my ED ruined my first dancing lesson :)))))
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 125 | 18.08 bmi | gw: 110 | 18f]
Created: Wed Jul 18 23:55:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9037gy/how_my_ed_ruined_my_first_dancing_lesson/
So, with my abusive dad not allowing me to dance for my whole life, after moving out I've finally decided to take dancing lessons. I thought it'd be exciting and amazing and I'd finally be breaking out of this shell of abuse and shit.

So I went dancing, and after removing all of the mirrors in apartment so I wouldn't have to see myself, of course there were these big ass mirrors. And everybody else's figures were SO GOOD.

One half of the girls were so dainty and stick thin and the others weren't as much, but they had such nice curves. And there I stood, being none of both worlds, and had to stare at myself in the mirror for an hour straight. I think I've never been this sad in my whole life and I walked out of there on the verge of crying. Now, I never want to go there again.

I feel like shit.

[Rant/Rave] The shit that tears me apart
Created: Wed Jul 18 23:40:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9034ez/the_shit_that_tears_me_apart/
i don’t know if you guys want a trigger warning, but here it is. this shit triggers me to no end, so i’d stop here if you want any semblance of happiness in your life.

i saw [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/9018yj/if_you_can_judge_a_guy_for_his_height_you_can/?st=JJS49Y2X&sh=5a2173a8) post today. oooh my god. oooohhhh my fuckingggg goddd. oohhhhhhh my goD.

i just. i can’t, guys.

is it physically possible that i control my weight? yes. is my doctor going to yell at me about it tomorrow? yes, she will. i hate that bitch (but i need to see her for a refill on my lexapro 🤙🏻).

but goddamn. my fucking eating disorder makes it pretty difficult to Get Fit!™️.

i see it everywhere on reddit. fat girls are the most undesirable creatures on the planet. and yes creatures cuz i think a lot of these nasty bastards would fuck dogs or horses or like dragons idk.

i’m feeling great, guys. i feel. so good. i just wanna. hahahaha. it’s so good.

i love being a fatass with a stupid food addiction. EVERYONE LIKE CARBS SADIE U ARENT SPECIAL. i should stop being a little bitch cuz maybe then i’ll be skinny and some dude on reddit would make a vulgar comment about my body. but it’s better than the alternative (to me).

i hate being fat. i hate being hated for being fat. i hate being sad. i hate being out of control. i hate being me. lol i just am so not into this rn.

anyway this post made so much sense i hope u all heard it in ur hearts and will do me a favor and stab me :)

[Rant/Rave] Well... that didn't go well.
Created: Wed Jul 18 23:20:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90307j/well_that_didnt_go_well/
I told my mom I have an eating disorder. I decided to tell her before one of my friends slips up or something, or she notices my partner making sure I eat when we go out to dinner, or something like that. I didn't tell her I wanted help, I don't want help. I am not ready.

First of all, I'm overweight, so she didn't believe me. She didn't believe that I had been restricting for over a year. She challenged me and questioned me because "well, I've seen you eat recently" and "Where is this celery you've been eating?" And kept looking like she didn't believe me and that my probably wasn't serious. She said "that is probably unhealthy." And said the great "You should eat healthy things." Ignoring the fact that if I did eat just healthy things, I wouldn't be having more than 100 calories or so.

Then I finally got her to somewhat believe me when I explained it more, regretting it the entire time. NOW she wants me to give her a written report of everything I eat. This is even worse, compounded with the fact that my partner demands pictures of my food at least twice daily. I feel so stressed and pressured to eat and all I want to do is restrict. I just feel defeated and pressured.

[Help] Vitamin recommendations?
Created: Wed Jul 18 23:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902wuo/vitamin_recommendations/
Preferably from target which ones do you guys use? Multipurpose ones? Specially ones for hair? What’s worked best for you?

Need low calorie cuisine suggestions for eating out!!
/u/bomb_dot_calm [5'3" | CW:145lbs | 25.7 | HW: 145 | LW: 119.8 | GW: 100]
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:47:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902svn/need_low_calorie_cuisine_suggestions_for_eating/
I'm moving back to NYC, where the culture is that you eat out for almost every meal. This is how a lot of professional networking takes place there, so it's important to me to be able to order food with minimal fanfare as its not considered seemly to draw attention to yourself in that context (so no asking about calorie counts and minimal modification requests). The one thing that I do have control over is which restaurants I eat at.

Luckily, there are a ton of food options from almost every country you could think of there. I was wondering if any of you lovelies had any particular suggestions for cuisine/dish recommendations that are easy to make low calorie.

So far, my go to is sushi/japanese, order a sashimi platter and then just don't eat the rice.

I usually like Thai and Indian but I don't know of orders that are safely low calorie for those. Any and all suggestions are welcome! Thank you xx

[question] *see below*
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:46:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902sml/question_see_below/
this is probably a stupid question --

if my body were starving SO much could it get the nutrients from my acne? i’ve looked this up and it didn’t say yes or no and i know it’s probably no but i thought it couldn’t hurt to ask (sorry if it’s an incredibly stupid question)

TFW You have to pretend your semi-binge is a "nice late night study snack"
/u/Highoffempty [5'9|CW: 143.3 | GW: 120 | UGW: 106 |Lbs lost: 16.7]
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:44:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902s6e/tfw_you_have_to_pretend_your_semibinge_is_a_nice/
I've been having trouble controlling my binges recently. It sucks.

I went into the kitchen and my mom is there. She asks if I need anything since she's there. When I'm studying she just wants me to study and I told her I'd get it but she said that she would and that I should keep studying. So I ask for grilled cheese with yogurt and peanut butter. Then I eat it in like 5 minutes and go back down and she asks if I need anything else.

"I loved the yogurt it was really good! Can I have the same thing?" Acting in mid binge like you're just "going for seconds" when it is a crazy amount of peanut butter is so insane. I don't want to worry her so she doesn't know that I have an ed. She's the loveliest person really but when she tried to hide that she was surprised that I was going back 5 minutes later for a huge bowl of full fat yogurt and peanut butter it made me want to melt into the floor.

Pretending a binge is just a little fun late night study snack is so strange. It's like I'm seeing myself act how a "normal" person would in relation to just eating when hungry during studying. But inside I'm dying. It's so..ugh

Anyway, my "late night study snack" makes me want to cry:/

Anyone that can read Chinese? Does this packet say how many calories there are?
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:42:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902rrv/anyone_that_can_read_chinese_does_this_packet_say/

Living at home is hard
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:35:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902q6e/living_at_home_is_hard/
Does anyone else live at home with their family? I’ve been trying to fast for at least two days but always break it at the ~20 hour mark because my parents expect me to eat dinner with them. The only time I can successfully fast are if I’m scheduled to close at work and don’t eat when I get home, which is around 10:30pm. I’m closing these next two days so I’m praying I can stick with my fast this time.

Idk it’s just hard to not eat when my parents, especially my mom, make comments about my eating habits. I don’t want them to worry or question me, I just want to lose weight in peace.

So frustrated, and scared
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:14:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902leh/so_frustrated_and_scared/
I have been exercising 5 days a week, eating under 1000 cal every day and even purging when I’m close to 1000. And yet my weight has stopped dropping. I lost 20 pounds (and still need to lose more to even have a normal bmi so it’s not like I don’t have weight to lose.

And now I’ve told my therapist I will have a consultation for an ed therapy. I want to lose more weight before that starts but I’m at a loss as to how.

So frustrating

BPD and interpersonal issues as ED triggers
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:00:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902hta/bpd_and_interpersonal_issues_as_ed_triggers/
Anyone else BPD with interpersonal/romantic relationship issues as MAJOR triggers to your ED?

I had been doing well but difficulties in my relationship has recently brought back my issues, specifically restriction and occasional binging (outside of ED, self-harm behaviors and suicidal thoughts).

I know this partially stems from my personality disorder (that I struggle to accept in the first place), so I'm curious who else experiences this and how you handle it? I'm in a tough place but I'm at the point where I know I can stop myself from descending if I really work at it, but it's so hard to get there. Thanks!

I feel so helpless
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:56:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902gxk/i_feel_so_helpless/
I can't stop binging, I restrict and binge, restrict and binge. I started to gain some of the weight I initially lost due to a restrictive phase and it just makes me want to stop eating, but after about twenty-five hours I can't help but binge. I started to self-harm again, something I haven't done in years. I'm honestly getting worried, I can't control myself. I started having suicidal thoughts. I know I'm not nearly as bad as someone with a real eating disorder, I just have really disordered eating, but I feel like if I don't get help or change something it's just going to get worse. I've always been a little heavier, but I lost a lot of the extra weight I was carrying around and I'm terrified of gaining it back, but that's where I'm headed. :( I just needed to feel like I talked to someone, because I feel so helpless and out of control.

You would be prettier if you went to the gym
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:41:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902de7/you_would_be_prettier_if_you_went_to_the_gym/
My idiot boyfriend just said this to me.

I was telling him how I’m just feeling really bad about myself today, and am just feeling kind of ugly because of a skin flare up, and he says, “No, you’re the cutest. I’m so lucky. You’re so beautiful. If you started going to the gym I can’t even imagine how much more beautiful you would be. I mean, you know, because everyone looks better when they go to the gym... I mean, you’re super beautiful the way you are... naturally... but everyone looks better if they go to the gym. But you’re still beautiful the way you are.”

... This idiot thinks he complimented me. I feel even worse about myself now. Am I overreacting? I don’t understand why he had to add that part in there when I had just told him I’m not feeling good about myself. I had not even mentioned weight as the reason. Like, if you’re trying to make me feel better, just end it at “you’re so beautiful” and then shut the fuck up maybe?

Am I overreacting? It just felt like a slap in the face and negated all of the good things he said before it. Ugh.

Loosing weight is too easy now
/u/CelebrityMax [5'11| CW:151| -34 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:41:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902dd7/loosing_weight_is_too_easy_now/
Does anyone ever get scared or something like that for a second when they catch a quick glimpse at how slender you are now? I just saw my knobbly knees and a thigh gap I didn't really know I had and now I feel kinda shook.. didn't expect this feeling!

[Rant/Rave] ”You need protein for the baby”
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:39:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902csk/you_need_protein_for_the_baby/
I spent the day with my husband’s dad and stepmom because they hadn’t seen our son in a while. It was a chill day, and we were all having a good time in each other’s company.

Until... lunch. They made pork tenderloin, roasted potatoes and onions, and a salad. I was actually starving at this point so I decided to make a good decision and fill myself up on this salad.

For whatever reason, my MIL started pushing me to eat this stupid pork and as the title says, she looking me in the eyes and told me, “You need protein for the baby.”

To be fair, I’m 5 weeks pregnant. But I’m not showing, “glowing”, or anything else. My husband isn’t close to them and he said he hasn’t told them anything. Which means that I’m so fat that she just looked at me and went, “Yeah, of course she’s pregnant.”

Yay me. I’m never eating again.

[Help] Throwing up bile before food?
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:01:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90234q/throwing_up_bile_before_food/
So basically all the information i’ve found online is telling me that if i’m throwing up bile, my stomach is empty. But today I started throwing up bile when it looked like I had hardly gotten any of the food that i had eaten out. Is that even possible?? Would my body seriously send up bile with a good amount of food still in my stomach?

[Help] Text - kik buddy ! Accountability / curb cravings
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:00:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9022xp/text_kik_buddy_accountability_curb_cravings/

[Rant/Rave] Nobody likes you when you're 23 (I don't even like me)
/u/dietdisorder [5'3.5"|HW 155|CW 134 |BMI 23.4|GW 120|F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 20:13:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901qz7/nobody_likes_you_when_youre_23_i_dont_even_like_me/
I just binged and purged for the first time in about 7 months the day before my birthday. I feel like such a failure. I've been killing my restricting game, and I finally hit my first goal weight, so I convinced myself I deserved a cheat meal from my one true love-Popeye's. Turns out, midway through the meal I decided if I finished it that I would gain 10lbs miraculously overnight and no longer be able to greet 24 at the weight I wanted. So, instead of stopping one piece of chicken down, I relapsed. It's fine. I'm okay. It's fine. I don't \*have\* to do it again. Tomorrow is a new day. Year 24 is the first year I will be purge free.

A different type of cautionary tale, and a goodbye
Created: Wed Jul 18 20:10:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901q8v/a_different_type_of_cautionary_tale_and_a_goodbye/
Hi proED friends.

I’ve been recovering for about a year now, and this week I’ve had to come face to face with some very real consequences. Not the repercussions that normally get talked about, but a different type.

A couple of years ago, someone very close to me died and I relapsed into my ED hard. In a few months, I lost 20lbs off of an already low average BMI. I spent a lot of time isolating myself and restricting, but outside of that I felt relatively in control. I was losing weight, I was still going to work and functioning. I didn’t think my grief was hitting me too hard. My partner was concerned, but somewhat quiet about my weight loss and maintained being a wonderfully supportive human with seemingly endless compassion and patience.

I began recovering about a year ago, and I feel like i hit the last few phases of full recovery within the past 3 months. My weight is restored, I am healthy, eating intuitively without counting calories, and I threw out my scale. I am vibrant, healthy, positive, making friends, and learning skills.
Everything in my life is better, except...my relationship is strained.

I couldn’t figure out why. I think I’m being a better partner, I have more time, more energy, more libido, and I’m more present. I love him fully with all of my heart, why does it feel icky?

This week we finally talked about it. He told me that even though things are better now, he is still working through the pain I caused him during my relapse. Even though I was too mentally faded to remember much, he remembers with sharp clarity every time I tried to push him away.

My ED caused me to be mean, snappy, and to try and literally run off my partner. I remember being upset because I couldn’t starve myself around him. I remember my nutrient depleted body being so irritable and callous that I yelled at him and shut him out.

Y’all, I love this human more than anything else on the planet. Thankfully, he is willing to process with me and with his therapist so that he can work on getting past the pain I caused. I don’t know what I did to be so lucky.

I was willing to sacrifice a lot for my ED in its depths. I was willing to sacrifice my body, my brain, my friendships, everything, but if I had known this would have been a repercussion of my restriction I would have sought help so much sooner. I would rather be 300000lbs than put my partnership on the line and cut my sweetheart so deeply.

Anyway, this has been a very long post so thanks if you made it this far. I know as well as the rest of us that it’s not so easy as to “just stop”, but I just wanted to post my story because if you’re thinking of recovering...and don’t wanna do it for you...maybe you can find some way to do it for the people/person you love?

I’m unsubscribing. I love you all.

[Help] EC stacking on antidepressants?
/u/rougoku [5'7" | CW: 136 & BMI: 21 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 20:05:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901ovy/ec_stacking_on_antidepressants/
I take duloxetine for my anxiety, and I’m wanting to try EC stacking. Has anyone here ever tried that before? I’m a bit worried but I also am so tired and hungry haha.

[Rant/Rave] idk how to feel
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:55:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901mdu/idk_how_to_feel/
my shorts are starting to become too loose

i mean it’s good because that means i’m loosing weight, but bad because i can’t wear my favorite shorts for much longer until they’re way too big. so i’ll have to buy new ones.

[Help] Sorry if this is a dumb question but...
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:41:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901ip4/sorry_if_this_is_a_dumb_question_but/
How do I post my weight/etc. stats next to my username like many of you here? I've been trying to look it up but I'm not even sure how to search it! Thanks for the help in advance!

Post sunburn swell/weight gain?
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:37:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901hou/post_sunburn_swellweight_gain/
How long until this goes away, also what can I do to speed up the process or reduce the water retention? Thanks:)

[Other] Here's a depressing lol for you
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:21:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901dks/heres_a_depressing_lol_for_you/
I've been secretly using speed lately in little doses throughout the day (and night - you know how it is..) in order to both remove my appetite and fill that darn emotional void that niggles away at you despite your ostensible happiness.

Anyway, my boyfriend text me earlier saying "You seem a lot more positive and pro-active lately - it suits you :)".

Hahaha...I am just the worst thing.

Flat tummy lollipops
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:20:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901d6q/flat_tummy_lollipops/
Has anyone tried those flat tummy appetite suppressant lollipops?? They’re expensive so i want to make sure they work... i tried the tea and it didn’t really work but i want something that’ll help

[Rant/Rave] Guilt after being "found out"
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|~117|23F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:17:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901cks/guilt_after_being_found_out/
I have a really healthy and loving relationship with my SO. He knows I had an ED in the past but isn't really familiar with that world, so I feel like I can share a lot with him without setting off alarm bells because he doesn't know what the signs are. I'll tell him when I'm feeling fat, when I feel like I've eaten too much, and when I've lost weight. He's seen me have panic attacks about my body and knows I regularly count calories. I don't shy away from telling him how I'm feeling because I trust him.

I'm on week three of a self-imposed regimen of high restricting and daily intense exercise. I'm not hiding the fact that I'm trying to get in shape - I record all my stats and workouts in a place where he can see them. I will admit that I'm getting a little obsessive, and think I think I've let my guard down - I've been complaining a lot about the digestive discomfort/exhaustion I've been experiencing (obviously from not eating enough), and I would act really weird whenever I was in a social situation where I had to eat more than I was used to. Was trying to sleep off the yuckiness the other day and my SO came in to check on me and gave me a long spiel about how he doesn't think I'm eating enough to be healthy, that he always tells me that I look great but I never seem to believe him, and that he doesn't want me to be constantly stressed over how I look. He wasn't yelling or mad, but he was very frustrated because he legitimately doesn't understand why I act that way.

I didn't jump to the defensive like I normally would. I listened to him and I told him I'd find a balance and that I didn't want him to worry, and asked him not to tell anyone else about it. It made me feel really guilty that I'd been "found out," like a little kid getting caught, which sucks because I have somewhat of an impostor complex about being a "real adult." I'm still working out like crazy and keeping calories at 1200ish because I don't want to break my streak and start a binge cycle. I just need to stop complaining and being so obvious. I think I need to be more conscious of not just blurting out every single thing my body is feeling because I don't want to worry him. We haven't talked about it since that discussion so I'm hoping it doesn't come up again.

\*\* I know this is a popular thing to do on this sub, but please no "dump him!!!" comments because a) we talked it out like adults, b) he is incredibly supportive and c) he only wants me to be happy and healthy.

[Help] I need help dealing with intrusive thoughts
Created: Wed Jul 18 18:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9016gh/i_need_help_dealing_with_intrusive_thoughts/
Hi guys, I was wonder how you guys deal with negative intrusive thoughts? I’m struggling so much recently and some advice would be appreciated!

[Discussion] favorite celebrity body goals??
Created: Wed Jul 18 18:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9012tx/favorite_celebrity_body_goals/
my favorite celebrity body goals are: Kiera Knightly, Bella Hadid, and Alessandra Ambrosio. Who are your favorite celebrities for thinspo?? I’m also interested to see if there are any male thinspo celebs out there.

God bless trisha paytas
Created: Wed Jul 18 18:20:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900xxk/god_bless_trisha_paytas/
Hi, new here. So, i'm in my very first fast for more than 48 hours. Currently at day five of it, and im REALLY craving some pasta. And for some reason, trisha mukbangs distracts me and help me not binge.
Any one else watch her? Also, if you have a favourite mukbanger, please let me know!! I live for people eating what i dont let myself eat

[Rant/Rave] Back on my bullshit
Created: Wed Jul 18 18:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900sjt/back_on_my_bullshit/
Well, here it is. The accountability post. After gaining 15 lbs in a year, I’m back. I’m done with this shit. No more binging, no more purging, no more weight gain. Only strict restricting from now on. I’ll update when I’m 5 lbs lower. Love you all.

"You can't diet or lose weight right now..."
/u/LosingLemur [5'10"|CW: 134 |new BMI 18.8|SW:270+| F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 17:50:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900prr/you_cant_diet_or_lose_weight_right_now/
Cue my stupid ED brain snapping in two. Long story short I had surgery about six weeks ago. Everything is going fine, healing up nicely, except for ONE SPOT on top of my tailbone where apparently my skinny-fat bony ass doesn't have enough muscle/fat padding, coupled with a couple of deep stitches that my body "doesn't like" per the surgeon, leading to literally just a 1.5 cm area that hasn't healed right so the surgeon went back in today SNIPPING AWAY AT IT (also cue internal silent screaming since I could hear this going on but it didn't hurt) and now I have a HOLE there approx one cm deep that has to heal from the inside out - what he said could take another six weeks or up to TWO MONTHS to completely do. He says this is a better option than a second revision surgery since I'm so healthy (lol) and everything else has healed so well and so quickly. Here's the fun part - he made a point of telling me sternly twice that to make it heal faster, and heal well, I can't be calorie restricting ("You can't diet or lose any weight right now!") and need to have tons of protein. Protein I can do, but the very direct and pointed message on calorie restriction is so frustrating because I'M SO CLOSE DAMMIT. I'm SO CLOSE to my ultimate goal weight...which yes, like a lot of people on here's it's changed a couple of times, but I really do think it's 130. The suggested BMI calculator puts my lowest recommended healthy range weight (lol again) at 132lbs for my height, so I feel like 130 is a good ultimate goalpost because it will give me a little safety buffer if I fluctuate between 130 and say, 132-133. This morning I was at 134.1 lbs. I'm so close I can taste it, if goal weight tastes like stale rice cakes and spite... But I'm also a grown ass adult and I know it would be SO F'ING STUPID to mess with this healing process. This is a finite issue, I WILL heal and be done with this surgery thing and go on with my life in good health if I just quit my bullshit for a couple of weeks/months and stop doing my dumb binging/crazy low restricting and be NORMAL and eat at a healthy maintenance for like, six weeks. Surely that's not so hard? SURELY A GROWN ASS ADULT PROFESSIONAL CAN DO THIS. But then the ED part of my brain is like, but if you low restrict for just ONE MORE WEEK YOU'RE THERE. YOU'RE THEREEEEEEEEEEEE...... And the rational part, the adult professional part, says QUIT YOUR BULLSHIT AND EAT 2000 HEALTHY CALS OF LEAN PROTEIN AND VEGGIES AND STFU AND HEAL CORRECTLY YOU DUMMY. My surgeon definitely knows what I'm up to, hence the very pointed, but gentle, chiding. So instead of my big OMAD harvest salad for dinner I had that AND a whole turkey club and I know it's the right thing to do but I'm already sad that this means I surely won't see that 133 number on the scale tomorrow morning. Stupid ED brain... thank you for the space to vent, I can't do this anywhere else or to anyone else, lest the mask slip, you know?

[Discussion] Any reviews on the new Archer Farms ice cream?
/u/biztit [5'8" | 123.4 | 18.56 | female]
Created: Wed Jul 18 17:29:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900kaq/any_reviews_on_the_new_archer_farms_ice_cream/
It’s from Target’s brand and is 330 a pint (at least, I got the mint cookies and cream). I like Halo Top but... idk with HT, I don’t find it satisfying. Is this new brand good? I couldn’t find anything online!

[Help] Help my shopping list?
Created: Wed Jul 18 17:22:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900ic5/help_my_shopping_list/
What are your favorite low calorie premade snacks? Like the kind you can just buy in a package ready to go? I need to eat something besides cucumbers and celery, so anything would be appreciated. (:

[Rant/Rave] Another glamorous side to eating disorders
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Wed Jul 18 17:05:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900e1b/another_glamorous_side_to_eating_disorders/
Ya hair falls out. My B E A U T I F U L golden locks are no more. Straw-like, bristly tussles, uneven and frizzly, more snappable than extra long raw spaghetti.

Y’all will caress it gently, buy the most expensive treatments, dry it as if it were a newborn puppy, brush it as soft as you’d stroke a hummingbird. BUT NAW IT’S STILL COMING OUT. If you haven’t reached this stage, Turn back now or prepare. Saddening.

Gonna take a while to grow this shit back. If I start now it might be healthy for next year’s graduation. Unless, y’know, I die or have to take leave idk.

[Discussion] Go-to body check?
/u/tangerine_twist [5'8 | GW: 130 | 23.9 | 19F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 17:03:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900ddw/goto_body_check/
I always check my lower stomach for bloating and usually base how I’m feeling for my entire day off of that. Whenever I’m bloated the next day I know I ate too much.

[Rant/Rave] High restricting but still too weak to do any exercise other than walking (rant)
/u/AgreeableReplacement [22F🍒5'8🍒~100lbs]
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:54:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900aw9/high_restricting_but_still_too_weak_to_do_any/
I've been eating close to my bmr for nearly a month now yet I still feel weak af. I'm mostly sedentary other than my daily hour long walk, chores/errands and light yoga & stretching routine. I see a bunch of people posting about how they're doing high intensity cardio daily on lower intakes than me and I feel like a failure. I tried doing a 10 minute HIIT workout the other day and could barely get through the first exercise. Also I drink a ton of water and sleep enough, caffeine and EC stacks don't work either. Ugh. :/

Guy I had a crush on acted like he had never met me before
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:40:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90071f/guy_i_had_a_crush_on_acted_like_he_had_never_met/
I was crushing on this guy who works at my local vape shop. I've seen him 6+ times, and he always remembered me. The last time I saw him he complimented a band t-shirt I was wearing and we talked for a few minutes and I was so smitten. Today I went in (thinking about offering my number, having thought of tons of things to say to him) super smiley as soon as I saw him and he acted like he had never even met me before. It was painfully obvious he was doing it on purpose. It just really hurts. He must have left our last interaction thinking "Oh God I bet she thinks I like her, better shut that down". :(

I bought binge food but gave most of it to my dog because I feel so awful about myself.

/u/Firerose157 [5'4" | 110 | 18.9 | hw 146 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:19:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900105/triggered/
Watching a cooking show with my partner. The main person is this ep is an austraulian skinny chick who looks just like the girl my bf and i used to watch that he admitted he thinks is more attractive and took care of herself longer, among other things... That was prob about 2 years ago. So watching this show is triggering considering for one he made it seem like i can never be better looking tham that girl and that girl and this one is very toned/skinny. He prefers thick but i feel hed like me more if i were thin like her and "worked on myself longer" please keep me from binging lol need to lose

[Rant/Rave] "You Look Like You've Lost Weight"
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:09:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzy2j/you_look_like_youve_lost_weight/
I work as a hostess. I've been here for about a year. This woman (who is sort of a regular) was sitting at the bar and commented that I look like I've lost weight. Okay. Idk how to feel about this comment. I'm 5'2 and back up to 95lbs. I was at 90 a few weeks ago, so I've actually G A I N E D weight. I wasn't even sure how to process that comment but the way she looked me up and down made me SUPER uncomfortable. I feel like a fat disgusting blob as it is. How do I look like I've lost when I'm up 5 lbs??? When I was down to 90lbs no one even noticed???


A success but also a disadvantage
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:08:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzxoz/a_success_but_also_a_disadvantage/
I went to the doctors today : lost 6 pounds and they congratulated me. Saying how I look "so much more better mentally" and that "exercise will help with your mood a lot!!"

Little do they know I haven't ate an actual meal in a week and I was exercising everyday......
I was going to speak up about my ED to my GP but it just feels so invalid?
I'm fat, and I'm happy I'm losing weight but having this huge off and on switch that turns on out of nowhere with my ED sucks

I renewed my First Aid CPR and AED certificate today.
/u/Funktionierende [25F | 5'2" | CW131.2lbs | SW185lbs | GW100lbs | BMI24]
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzvkq/i_renewed_my_first_aid_cpr_and_aed_certificate/
Last time I did this 3 years ago, I was singled out for the CPR training because I was large enough to be "challenging to perform CPR on".

This time, I was singled out for the carrys both because I'm small enough that anyone can carry me, and because I'm small enough that I was a good example of how challenging it can be for a small person to lift or drag a bigger person.

I also got a thrill when the instructor (a former local cop, very fit and well respected gentleman) looked around the room and said, "Usually I get at least one large person in the group to demonstrate x with but everyone here is either normal sized -glances between me and another very small lady in the class- or smaller than usual."

I know this is kind of a weird victory but I'm kind of glowing over here.

DAE watch food videos while they’re fasting?
Created: Wed Jul 18 15:40:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzpox/dae_watch_food_videos_while_theyre_fasting/
i just watched so many tasty videos on facebook. help

[Help] My BF is Dead-Set on Taking me for Jamaican Food Tomorrow....Help
Created: Wed Jul 18 15:23:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzknz/my_bf_is_deadset_on_taking_me_for_jamaican_food/
He found this jamaican restaurant near us that he REALLY wants to go to for whatever reason. I looked at the menu and everything seems to be covered in high calorie sauce unless I order a fucking side salad. I've been putting this off since last week and now I guess we are going tomorrow. I have no idea what to do. I'm up like 5 lbs because I've been emotionally binging lately and I'm on my period. And I've been fasting all day today and tomorrow it's just gonna get ruined yay!!


[Rant/Rave] When your friends fuel your ED
/u/fernsandfoxes [5’6”|CW:107|BMI:17.34|GW:100|18F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 15:01:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zze8y/when_your_friends_fuel_your_ed/
Throwback to that one time I reached out to my friend about my eating disorder and told her I hadn’t eaten in week and she said “Hey, that’s pretty good!”

[Discussion] Parents in the ProED community..
Created: Wed Jul 18 14:52:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzboo/parents_in_the_proed_community/
I can’t believe I’m letting this come out in the open after 7 months of keeping it in. But it’s eating me alive and I have absolutely nobody to go to, and I’m not even sure that I’d want to talk to someone.. even if I had someone.
I’ll give a little history.
I’ve had self esteem problems that started young, probably like 10-11. They got unbearable when I was molested at age 12. I developed problems with my body image and although I was never overweight when I was young, being molested took away my sense of control and I found it again in being promiscuous and losing weight. I wasn’t diagnosed with any disordered eating though, because I tried not to be very open about it, and my therapists and family just brushed the weight loss off as a symptom of depression and diagnosed me as bipolar with MDD. “No appetite = not eating much, not eating much = weight loss.” I was only underweight for a short amount of time, and when the weight returned, it stayed that way. I stopped caring about everything, including my self image and weight and hygiene and it was just bad. I didn’t realize how much I had let myself go until I was about 17. At 17, my disordered eating habits crept back into my life. It didn’t get too bad up until I turned 18, and at 18, it had a complete grip over me. I went from almost 140 to 100 in a matter of three months tops.. *and I loved it*
It was a whole new experience. I had found all of the control I was looking for. I almost want to say that the euphoria of watching the numbers on the scale go down amounted to the euphoria of the Vicodin and Percocet I had been taking on a daily basis. Put the two together and OH MY GOD was it bliss.
Eventually, last November, 5 months after turning 18, I decided I was going to get sober. It was one of those manic-impulsive decisions where I stopped talking to everyone I knew, completely shut out my two best friends, found a new life in a new town and got sober. I ended up meeting a guy, who is now my boyfriend of 8 months, and he became my very best friend. Even once the mania had worn off, he turned out to be the least destructive impulsive thing I’ve ever done.
But here’s where things get tricky.
My disordered eating was something that I never planned on stopping, something that made me feel like I could function, something that I know is wrong but it made everything so fucking right.
And a month after I started dating this guy, I’m pregnant.
Yes, you read that correctly. Pregnant after a month of dating a guy I just met.
After a few weeks of trying to decide what option would be best for us and the kid in the long run, we decided to keep the baby.
So, with this history I’ve just given you, here is the point of this whole post.
I am TERRIFIED that I did a selfish thing by deciding to keep our son. I’m terrified that my problems are going to impact my sons life down the line, and he will grow up trying to recover from his childhood because I thought I could raise a child and balance trying to recover from my mental illnesses and eating disorder at the same time.
I’ve been good about staying sober, I haven’t used since November of 2017. I haven’t cut myself since a little before that, and since I found out that I was pregnant, I have completely put all of my effort into eating healthy and normally, and staying safe. I’ve gained 40 lbs. which is more than I was instructed to.
But I have to admit, every time I think about how excited I am for my sons arrival, I think about how fast I can lose the 40 lbs I’ve put on since pre-pregnancy without hurting my son.
Some days it’s really hard to make myself eat as much as a pregnant woman should, especially when the scale at the doctors tells me I’ve gained weight. I know that gaining weight is a good thing for my son but my god damned head is making what was supposed to be an enjoyable, heartwarming experience something I just want to be over already.
I feel like a bad mother already, and I just need to know that there’s people out there who know where I’m coming from, who have been where I am and survived, who manage to control and maintain a low weight and still make their children their priority. I feel so alone in this.

[Rant/Rave] The glamorous side of eating disorders
/u/spyrothedaddy [5'4"|CW:116.6|F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 14:00:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyvk9/the_glamorous_side_of_eating_disorders/
One thing they really, really don’t tell you about eating disorders is the fact that at some point, you will shit yourself. You will take too many laxatives or you’ll eat too many sugar free sweets or you’ll trust a fart. Nothing makes me feel better about myself than having to wash my knickers and shorts in the sink because I, a fully grown adult, shat myself.

218.75 calories/ounce lost or gained
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 13:36:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyo6a/21875_caloriesounce_lost_or_gained/
I think everyone here is pretty familiar with the 3500 calories/pound of body weight. I've started thinking of it in terms of ounces, I find it less abstract, and easier to connect the calories to a tangible amount of weight.

For example, I could eat this cookie for 200 calories, or lose an ounce of fat. If I go over my tdee by 450 calories, that's 2 ounces gained.

I don't know if it helps anyone else, but I find this conversion more relaxing? Like it feels more real/ more like progress to say "I'll lose 6 ounces with this defecit" vs "I'll lose about a third of a pound"

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by my Seatbelt
Created: Wed Jul 18 13:25:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyki0/triggered_by_my_seatbelt/
Does anyone else get triggered by the seat belt sitting across their tummy when driving? Idk I'm constantly messing with it and the feeling of it against my lower abdomen really bothers me. It's been getting worse lately.

Created: Wed Jul 18 13:14:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyh0c/exercising/
What are your daily exercise routines? Do you exercise at all? What seems to be working for you? I’m just curious to see what everyone else is doing everyday to be their best possible self.

P.s I’m soooo glad I started commented on things instead of just being a lurker. Everyone seems to be so supportive of each other and this sub has really helped with my depression and feeling so alone. ❤️

But that’s where ur wrong, unmatchedfood
Created: Wed Jul 18 13:08:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyf2l/but_thats_where_ur_wrong_unmatchedfood/

Can binge urges just disappear on their own?
Created: Wed Jul 18 13:07:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyevh/can_binge_urges_just_disappear_on_their_own/
I swear I'm not making it up and I hope this post doesn't upset anybody. I don't know where else to ask. It's been 1 month since I last binged. Don't get me wrong the physical relief is immense but I'm incredibly confused and lost. I gave up years ago after many failures. I am not working towards recovery, I did not start new medications, I'm surrounded by triggers, I'm still anxious and depressed, I'm still obsessed with food, I still loathe my body. Nothing in my life changed, but the urges just... stopped. Like someone flicked a switch inside my head. Why did this happen? What did my younger self fight so desesperately for, if it was just going to turn out like that? It feels too good to be true and I can't relax because I'm afraid the compulsions will come back. I don't want to leave my mental prison and allow myself to experience happiness only for it to be ripped away from me. Has this happened to anyone else?

[Help] Constipation after taking solpadol???
Created: Wed Jul 18 13:01:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyd2l/constipation_after_taking_solpadol/
In the 3 days I havent pooped, because i got my tonsils out, i have gone up from 52.9kg to fucking 55kg!!! I am freaking out and i want to DIE. Solpadol (codeine n paracetamol) has completely blocked me up. My stomach looks 5 months pregnant. The last time I took solpadol was at 6am today. Its now 8pm. I have drank 3 cups of prune juice and have only heen eating soup and greek yoghurt and fruit because of my fucking tonsillectomy and still no change. I feel disgusting. What do I do? When can I expect a bowel movement??

update: met up w the girl who had an ed!
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 183 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:50:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zy9kq/update_met_up_w_the_girl_who_had_an_ed/
i posted a week ago about how i dm-ed this girl on insta about my ed (she had one as well but was in the process of recovery) and we met an hour or so ago for lunch. and let me tell you she was the sweetest thing ever. we talked for an hour about our experiences with our eds on top of general topics like school or whatever and it was just incredibly helpful to talk about it. there was this one awkward moment where im p sure she thought i was c/s-ing into a napkin when i was rly just wiping my mouth but #all #good #lol. i just feel kinda bad for her bc i think i was being incredibly incoherent and honestly kinda awkward when i was talking but all in all, it went super well. :D

so, there's that. i'm meeting up with another friend in a few hrs so now im kinda just chilling in a library but this hasn't been a horrible day. <3

i also ended up stuffed even tho i ate only like a half of my plate so yay, less calories than i had planned for! ^^

When people say "you don't need to lose anymore weight!"
/u/baddestb1tch [5'4 | CW:148 | GW:115 | -32 | 22F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zy6ui/when_people_say_you_dont_need_to_lose_anymore/
Fuck off.

I've been overweight pretty much my entire life and the fattest out of me and my sisters. I'm getting closer to my goal weight and about to break into a normal bmi for once in my life. Don't tell me I don't need to lose any more weight, it's not up to you, this is all for myself and what I want to be.

Especially when it comes from someone thinner than me who never struggled with their weight, it's so triggering. It's like they don't want to see me succeed and be thin, like they want me to stay chained to the globs of fat on my body and I hate it

[Goal] back to school
/u/SamMav67 [5'5" | 129 | 21.72 | -6 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:26:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zy1vi/back_to_school/
Going into my junior year of college in two months and i plan on weighing 120 by the first day of class. Eating around 800-900 calories a day, i’ve already dropped about 7 pounds! I have about 9 more to go.

“Freshmen 15” was real, all meals in my sorority are all you can eat buffets, which really screwed me up. That combined with alcohol was a bad mix and I’m so scared of getting back in that terrible habit.

Hopefully I will keep it off and I’m hoping that saying it out loud/writing it down will keep me accountable

ESET Internet Security Crack Full Serial Key 2018 Free Here [x32/x64]
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:25:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zy1br/eset_internet_security_112490_crack_full_serial/

Metabolism boosting supplements, yay or nay?
/u/KattyWampus666 [:karma: 5'4" |SW:273lbs CW:209lbs GW: ? | F :karma:]
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:22:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zy0bz/metabolism_boosting_supplements_yay_or_nay/
Im considering buying a ridiculously expensive bottle of conjugated linoleic acid to help boost my metabolism as Ive hit a snag with my weight loss (which is leading me to be pretty irrational and anxious) since I started a new depression medication...

I need to get my appetite under control again it just feels so impossible. Seriously contemplating purging after my next big binge which is a line I always said I wouldnt cross...

My eating disorder is becoming a search for enlightenment
/u/justhush1 [5'4" | CW: alive | UGW: dead |]
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:19:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxzoc/my_eating_disorder_is_becoming_a_search_for/
First off, I should warn that I am like actually crazy, medicated and everything, so this might just be utter nonsense but I wanted to share anyway. I always love posting in this subreddit, its one of the most supportive communities in existence.

I've had an eating disorder since I was 13, my lowest weight was 89 pounds, I am currently at my highest weight of 184 pounds. I have been living with my sister who has been monitoring my eating habits and making sure I do not throw up. Its been a shitty arrangement for the last two years, but my family finally trusts me enough to live on my own, and I plan on practicing religious fasting to reach enlightenment.

The Budha reached enlightenment after fasting for 6 years. He did not reach from the fast, it was actually after eating for the first time. Keeping this in mind, I believe it will be easier for me to resist the temptation of food if I knew my first meal after an extended fast may be the catalyst for enlightenment.

I plan on following the Buddhist monks fasting practices. That is eating dry bread for three days to prepare the stomach for no food. Then fast for eighteen days and only drinking water. Then ending the fast by eating a small portion of thin porridge or gruel every few hours for three days, until the digestive system has come fully back to life. If the first fast is successful and beneficial then I can attempt a thirty-six day fast.

In between extended fasting periods, I plan on practicing the Buddhist eating practice of only eating one wholesome vegetarian meal before noon.

Ultimately, the central tenet of Buddhist practice is moderation, that is what the Buddha discovered after eating his first meal. Monks practice this extended fasting to purify their bodies and to clarify their thoughts. Buddhist also believe that fasting highlights one's attachments to food and to good flavor; thus fasting helps the practitioner to distinguish how much of his or her craving for food is a need, and therefore normal and necessary, and how much is greed, and therefore a hindrance to liberation.

This highlighting of attachment is my biggest reason for practicing this religious fast. I have had an eating disorder for over 10 years now, and have never learned what moderation is. I always either starve myself or binge. I'm hoping after practicing the Buddhist fasting practices, I discover what my body needs, and finally develop a healthy relationship with food.

Lol, that was long. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

I just filmed myself purging
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:14:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxy3f/i_just_filmed_myself_purging/
I read about it a while back and decided to do it. To see what I’m doing to myself.

Fucking hell.

Seeing myself crying above a toilet with a toothbrush down my throat gasping for air.

[Rant/Rave] Dr.Jekell and Mr.Hyde
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxxs7/drjekell_and_mrhyde/
Why on earth is it that sometimes I can go days without eating like not even thinking about food. I don’t have a single craving for a carb or a sugar or an anything well except coffee.

Then other days I just binge on cards and cheese and carbs and more cheese. Mac and cheese, pizza , cheese boards and wine. Like what the actual guck.

I feel like I’m two completely different people.

Great quote from Aubrey Plaza
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:05:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxv46/great_quote_from_aubrey_plaza/
Talk show host: "Are you on a diet?"

Aubrey: "No. I'm just not eating and crying."

[Other] I Just Cried Over a tsp of PB
/u/_Pulltab_ [ 5'7" | CW 177| BMI 27.7 | -18 |GW 135 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:52:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxqvq/i_just_cried_over_a_tsp_of_pb/
I have literally just pushed past a two week stall (I think, fingers crossed) so I’m pretty much afraid to do anything other than continue to heavily restrict calories with no/limited carbs so I don’t get stuck again.

My head is all swarmy and buzzy and I’m so freaking dizzy and tired. I’m trying to work and every 10 minutes I find myself staring into space and I know it’s because I have been eating so little. So I finally decided to eat a tsp of peanut butter and OMG it was like an orgasm wrapped in marshmallows and dipped in unicorn dust.

Why am I like this?

Is it reactive eating if you aren't underweight?
/u/Deadpiccolo [5'9 | CW: 152 | BMI: 22.4 | 66 lbs lost | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:46:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxoyv/is_it_reactive_eating_if_you_arent_underweight/
So I lost 80 pounds quite rapidly, and then had the urge to overeat for a while afterwards until I reached around 150 pounds. I thought this was binging, but I just heard about reactive eating and it seems to fit my experience a bit better because I always binge right after restricting my calories pretty low for a while. When I read up on it, the descriptions said that reactive eating is a response to undereating and low body weight, but can you experience it even if you aren't underweight?

[Help] Needing help/support/advice. On vacation in DC with my family and ED is resurfacing. I don't know what to do.
/u/casual-cabbage [5'10" | CW: 150.7 | 21.6 | GW: 140 | 21F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:35:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxlaj/needing_helpsupportadvice_on_vacation_in_dc_with/

I'm in a tough place right now and normally I'd be able to go it alone, but its inescapability is affecting me and my mood and that hasn't gone unnoticed.

I'm on vacation with my immediate family so of course we eat EVERY SINGLE meal out. Together. They have no concern for where we eat, because they don't eat healthy or care to. I feel so anxious eating in half of the places they suggest, because I know I'm most likely eating calorie bombs. Normally I find ways to skip a meal here and there or restrict when no ones looking/suspecting, but eating in public and this regularly makes that almost impossible. We also eat at a lot of local places, which means no nutritional information and/or guidelines. That's killing me because I can never truly estimate things properly. I've gotten away sometimes with ordering bare bones foods and eating only half a plate, saying things like "I'm not hungry," but it's still mentally devastating. I was recovering too, eating more and loosening my restrictions a little, but this new situation is bringing back old habits. I'm constantly anxious, thinking about my next meal, planning obsessively. Always depressed and anxious, snappy and cruel. Chugging water and green tea because its "safe." I've been walking so much I sprained my hip, which I then plie with anti inflammatory creams so the swelling goes down and I can walk more. Hoping to God that I burn off the excess calories. I'm terrified of gaining back all the weight I lost, and I hate it. I was getting better. My fear was minimal. And now it's all coming back.

I've been a bitch to my family, yelling at them for no reason because I'm so stressed about food. And worst of all, I feel disgusting. My self-esteem is shot to hell. A few days ago I looked in the mirror and was at least ok with how I looked, but I can't even walk around without thinking people are judging me for my weight or finding me fat and ugly. Its ruining my enjoyment of this trip and its killing the mood with my family. They don't know I'm struggling with ED, so you guys are the only people I can talk/vent to about these things.

I'm writing this during lunch, when half the family is gone, with an excuse of "hip pains" (as if that fucking matters above my step-count), because I don't know if I can deal with this. I just don't know what to do to make it all ok again. Should I keep restricting? Should I try not to think about it? I just don't know, but I know I don't want to feel like this.

I keep convincing myself to go on
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:29:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxjdd/i_keep_convincing_myself_to_go_on/
I'm (F, 20) on a break from college now and even though I used to be quite healthy, it all went down when I had a mini binge months ago at the start of the final semester. ''Once won't hurt'' I said to myself back then. I just wanted to try a bunch of things that I kept eyeing in the supermarket for months but never ate because they're really unhealthy. Also, because once I start I cannot stop. Now that one time has turned into regularly. On some days I'm really motivated and eat healthy but in the following days I end up convincing myself that it's okay with a 'treat yourself' attitude, as us youngsters may call it. ''I'll start tomorrow'', I say, day after day.

I'll be going to university next month and meet a lot of new people, I'm even participating in an introduction week. The latter includes thousands of students you'll be surrounded with in the same city at the same time doing all kinds of activities but while it should make me excited, I'm getting anxious instead. Because of my current eating habits my appearance has suffered immensely. Acne, weight gain, a tired look, you name it. My (mental) health too, and I'm afraid that I might end up getting diabetes or worse at a certain point, although my binges are definitely not as bad as they could be. It's just that it all adds up quickly over time. Protein bars, ice cream, pizza... They've stolen my heart. I guess the only reason my body doesn't completely hate me yet is because it's all plantbased.

I keep telling myself that I have to enjoy all of this junk food while I can because I won't be able to when I go to uni, due to the reasons mentioned above. Meanwhile the days pass fast and so do my states of motivation. I just want the girl who wants a healthy lifestyle and cares about herself back.

[Rant/Rave] I caved and it wasn't even worth it
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:07:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxc2l/i_caved_and_it_wasnt_even_worth_it/
I created this account after a long time lurking, because I need this off my chest and there's nowhere else.

Gah, I was planning on eating a small bowl of cereal to hold me until dinner, but I've been thinking about the same goddamn sandwich for three days and I fucking caved and made the goddamn sandwich.

It's like 700 calories grilled in a pan, and i just finished it and got NOTHING from it. It tasted fine, but like I could have just skipped food til later (or tomorrow) or fucking eaten cereal or bran and it would be the same.

WHY? Why didn't it taste and feel GLORIOUS? Why does everything feel bland and horrible? LIKE THIS SHOULD BE GREAT! FOOD IS POINTLESS. BUT WHY DO I STILL WANT IT? I WANT IT, AND I EAT IT BUT THERE'S NEVER ANY PAY OFF!

I feel cheated, and I hate myself, i'm such a pig, I still eat when food is worthless to me.

if this post gets 200 up votes can we please ban the banana bot?
/u/painxiety [5'5" | 116.5 | 23 F ]
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:02:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxaiw/if_this_post_gets_200_up_votes_can_we_please_ban/
mods if this post is illegal go ahead and remove it.

i'm going to lose my mind if i read another freaking banana fact. i hate bananas. they are a definite fear food. i don't need to be attacked with banana facts every time the word shows up on this feed. we got rid of the hot dog bot. what are bananas but the fruit version of a sausage.


What's your eating pattern? How did you lose the most weight?
/u/littlestbaby [5ft3 | cw ??? ~ 165 lbs | gw 105 lbs]
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:52:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zx73s/whats_your_eating_pattern_how_did_you_lose_the/
i know there's been a million threads like this but i looove reading the replies to questions like this! so,

1. what's your eating pattern? how did it come to be? (e.g. did you research macros, did you start seeing some foods as 'bad' and therefore eliminated them, did you start following a diet plan that stuck with you?

2. how did you lose the most weight? (calorie restriction, mono diets, liquid fasting, etc)

soooo interested. i'll reply to everyone!!!

ok i can go first

1. i'm trying bite counting right now, for some reason i can't stick with calorie counting and bite counting structures me _a lot_ and it's easy to eat out (don't have to look up calories of anything) and it eliminates mindless snacking _completely_. I'm not sure if it'll work but I'm like desperate at this point

2. i lost the most weight with calorie restriction (my official limit was under 1200/day, but most days i was around 900-1000), working out (bodyweight, ~40 mins) most evenings, and fasting once a week. lost around 33 lbs in i think 3 months. it was awesome. and it lasted a long time, too ~~until i binged my way back lololol~~

[Other] Reminder-to-self: you don't have to wait until you're thin/recovered to do things that make you happy
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zx537/remindertoself_you_dont_have_to_wait_until_youre/
(This is a letter to myself, so ignore my preachiness if it doesn't apply to you.)

Thinness and recovery are not prerequisites to learning, going to movies, walking through the park, seeing beauty in the world, reading books, finding new music, trying new things, travelling.

You can take back some of the things your ED has taken from you even if you're not ready to recover and even if you don't have the body you want. You have spend years trying to obtain an ideal body, but your standards raise as your weight lowers.

In the next year, you probably won't fall in love with your body. That's okay. But that doesn't mean you have to spend the next year ashamed, in hiding, waiting for something unattainable, without enjoying the things you love.

[Discussion] Aside from the obvious, what weird/dumb things does your ED make you do?
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:32:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zx0wo/aside_from_the_obvious_what_weirddumb_things_does/
For example, Whenever I handle high cal food (chocolate especially) I HAVE to obsessively wash my hands as if I'm gonna absorb all the calories through my skin somehow lol

What food do you avoid?
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:24:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwya4/what_food_do_you_avoid/
When you want to lose weight, what food do you avoid? What food makes you gain weight easily or that you easily binge on?

[Discussion] Update on 24 hour fast: success!
/u/its_freaking_bats [5'7" | CW 128 | BM 20 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:23:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwy4x/update_on_24_hour_fast_success/
I actually made it longer and lasted 36 hours! Then I proceeded to ruin it by eating way more than 1k calories! Kill me.

24 hour fast round 2, commence.

literally got triggered over the dumbest fucking thing jc
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 183 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwx76/literally_got_triggered_over_the_dumbest_fucking/
i dont even really want to talk about what "triggered" me bc it sounds and honestly is *so* incredibly fucking dumb but i'm in a cafe rn and am waiting to meet up w a girl who i talked to about my ed. i've been here for a while and there was this cute guy sitting across from me (i'm at a communal table) and i honestly didnt think much of it. just thought he was cute. but it's been like an hour now and anyway this super pretty girl starts to sit down. she's just minding her own business but the guy slides in slick af and starts a conversation with her and my FIRSt thought is "maybe if i were thin like her he would've started talking to me" and it's so, so dumb and i honestly feel so pathetic even posting this bc it's so dumb but like... jesus, how fucked am i in the brain if that was my first thought?? all i had was a cappucino on an empty stomach and i felt the urge to just go into the bathroom and purge it out even tho it was only like 50 calories.

christ christ christ WHY am i like this im so tired of being so sensitive to shit that doesnt even directly affect me wtf.

[Other] Goodbye for now...
/u/captain_peanutbutter [5'5" |95lbs |16.02|22F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 09:57:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwq0t/goodbye_for_now/
So after my birthday this past weekend, I'd been taking stock of my life for a bit, wondering about my current headspace, and then today I had a sign. A career opportunity has come up for me (won't go into too much detail, but it involves the military) which would be an amazing opportunity, but I'd need to basically not be underweight any more to stand a chance of getting it. And since I'd been trying/hoping for recovery for a while now, I think this is basically the universe's way of telling me what I need to do. So I'm unsubscribing for now, but I'd like to thank you all for being such a lovely supportive community - you guys were the reason I signed up for Reddit in the first place - and to let you know that during the tough, lonely months of this latest relapse, you helped me feel that much less alone.

Au revoir, and much love,


"Frequently bought together" Are you encouraging me to document my progress or...??
Created: Wed Jul 18 09:55:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwp91/frequently_bought_together_are_you_encouraging_me/

An unexpected bonus from purging
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 53 | 17.71/17.50 | UGW: 54-55 (52.3?) | 26F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 09:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwl4f/an_unexpected_bonus_from_purging/
So lately I've gotten in a bad habit of B&P (like every day pretty much, it's bad, but at least I'm losing weight tho amirightlolkillme). So as you can imagine my lips are pretty chapped. There's this large split in my lower lip that's taking forever to heal, mostly because any time I open my mouth just a little, it opens up. Anyways...

So today I was waiting for my coffee and this guy said I would look much better if I smiled. Normally I would shrug it off or make some quip about not smiling until I've had my coffee, but instead, I smiled.

And boy, was it a smile.

I smiled so fucking big that my lip ripped open and a huge droplet of blood immediately started running down my chin. His face was worth the wait to drink my coffee until my lip stopped bleeding.

[So you can see what I'm talking about](https://imgur.com/a/dlZzlFf)

\*insert joker reference here*

[Rant/Rave] You will have to gain TEN POUNDS
Created: Wed Jul 18 09:23:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwfhj/you_will_have_to_gain_ten_pounds/
I made the error of seeing a doctor yesterday. This is what happened.

Me: I feel fine. I'm okay.

Doctor: You don't look fine. You have lost a lot of weight for such a small person.

Me: But I am...fine.

Doctor: You are about ten pounds away from your "ideal" weight.

Me: It isn't that bad. I don't look like a skeleton.

Doctor: Not yet you don't but you're on the way. Since you are medically underweight you will have to gain ten pounds.


I wasn't planning on eating anyway
/u/paavllova [🌸 5'5 • 99 lbs • 16.5 • f 🌸]
Created: Wed Jul 18 09:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zw8kp/i_wasnt_planning_on_eating_anyway/
My sister was mad at me earlier for whatever reason. I wasn't doing what she wanted or something and she said something along the lines of 'you were staring at those donuts!'

Honestly it's stupid but it hurt me a lot. Yeah, I was staring at them *longingly* because I wanted them, but wouldn't allow myself them.

I wasn't planning on eating them anyway but that comment just fueled my determination not to eat. If I do I'll do something with the least calories as possible.

It's silly but it just made me really sad that she did. It wasn't even in a tone of 'you're fat', it was more like 'you're not paying attention!' and condescending in the way she said it.

Since she did that I'm determined not to eat for as long as I can so I guess I can thank her for only that.

[Other] I hate my body.
Created: Wed Jul 18 08:52:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zw5y4/i_hate_my_body/
Of course the snacking and bingeing caught up with me. I feel and look disgusting. Yesterday I didn’t even want my boyfriend to see my body. He’s so loving and patient and tells me I’m beautiful but I felt so ashamed and that I looked like a whale. I normally don’t mind being “thick” but I hate my stomach. I hate myself for allowing myself to get this big again.

I really thought I was going to stop this...
/u/vucio72 [5'1 | cw: 121 | gw1: 120 | -27 | f]
Created: Wed Jul 18 08:25:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvy0g/i_really_thought_i_was_going_to_stop_this/
So at like 123lbs I started to see the barest outline of my ribs, and I'd already been able to feel my hipbones a little when I lay down, and all of my old clothes from before I ballooned like 40lbs fit me again. I was going to try to give up the restricting and the tiny amounts of food. I was going to try to get strong and eat 1500cals and at least 100g of protein and lift heavy weights.

But I just can't do it. I can't make myself be okay with eating over 1000 cals on a regular basis and I also physically have such a hard time eating more food now. And this week my life is hellish and busy and I caught myself eating below 800 cals *on purpose* for the first time in like a month yesterday. But I just lost another lb this morning and I was genuinely *shocked* to see that number looking back at me from the digital readout like I didn't know that I was starting this up again. I have only 1lb to go from my original goal weight... and then only 10lbs from gw2... and I feel like it's toxic to be thinking this way and that I don't want to be "skinny", I want to be fit, but it's so much easier for me to lose weight than to gain muscle.

Isn't that weird? I finally feel like I'm *good* at losing weight right when I was trying to be "healthy", and that my brain is telling me it would be easier for me to just keep restricting and doing cardio. But I kinda want abs. lol this sucks. I don't know what I want or how to win.

Created: Wed Jul 18 08:22:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvx4x/dieticiannutritionist/
Has anyone ever worked with a dietician or nutritionist (outside of a recovery/treatment program) for a controlled gain? What has been your experience?

Want to ease the stress of those around me about my weight by gaining and getting pressured to do so under supervision of dietitian.

[Rant/Rave] Family
/u/swankarma [5'5 | CW: 132 | 22 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 08:14:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvuqy/family/
Obligatory long time lurker, first time poster etc..
So my family don’t know about my eating disorder, and they just think that I’m on a ‘strict diet’, but recently i think they’re starting to suspect something’s off and have been monitoring what i eat, and they keep telling me to eat and its honestly exhausting me because no, i don’t want to eat, telling me that’s not gonna help me. It also infuriates me when they tell me that i don’t need to lose weight and to stop dieting, then they present me some very high-cal things or foods/snacks that aren’t within my calorie budget, and get upset or offended when i refuse to eat them, like why is it so hard to understand that i just don’t want to eat somethings? Why can’t i just restrict in peace? I feel like this doesn’t make sense and I’m just rambling?

[Rant/Rave] also: new uk breyers delight flavour!
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Wed Jul 18 07:46:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvmr8/also_new_uk_breyers_delight_flavour/
introducing salted caramel cake (340). currently £5 at tesco. im actually so happy christmas came early god i love ice cream

[Other] I finally told my psychiatrist about my eating disorder
Created: Wed Jul 18 07:31:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvily/other_i_finally_told_my_psychiatrist_about_my/
I finally told my psychiatrist about my eating disorder

This happened yesterday. I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist for a little over a year for my depression, anxiety and BPD and I’ve been taking an antidepressant in the morning and an antipsychotic in the evening.
I have an eating disorder for 9 years now which has switched between anorexia and bulimia over the years. Every time bulimia hits me with an “episode” it totally ruins my life. My current bulimia nervosa “episode” started in 2016 which caused my depression to worsen and bring me to the bottom. At that point it was really hard for me to continue on existing and I was ready to give up on life. With the help of my wonderful boyfriend, I found my psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with a Major Depressive Episode, Anxiety & a tame form of BPD. I refused to let her know about my eating disorder and to go to psychotherapy in fear of them stealing my ED from me and making me fat.
Well… Apparently not telling my psychiatrist about my ED, she unknowingly prescribed me an antidepressant that is not recommended for people with Eating Disorders which might have contributed to me gaining 20 kg in the course of a year. During this year I’ve tried everything to lose weight, but I failed every time and I started to feel again at the end of my rope. I thought I developed Binge Eating Disorder and it made me utterly depressed.
So, at that point I was taking an antidepressant that in combination with my ED made me gain weight and depressed. YAY.
Last week I decided to go to my psychiatrist and tell her about my ED and to ask her to guide me towards a psychotherapist specialized in EDs. She listened to my whole story and was great about everything. She immediately changed my antidepressant and offered support in finding a psychotherapist specialized in EDs. She added to my list of diagnosis Bulimia Nervosa.
For the first time ever, I had the courage to seek help for my eating disorder and get a diagnosis. It was very hard, I must admit. I was anxious the whole day and I thought I was having a panic attack in the waiting room of the clinic. My voice was trembling the whole time I was revealing my story and I started crying when I got to the part where I told her that for the past 3 years I was not able to wear pants/jeans because I couldn’t stand to look at myself, seeing how fat I’ve gotten, and I chose to wear only large skirts & dresses to hide my whole body. And this year, my clothes options grew thinner as I gained weight (heh, no pun intended). Suddenly only 2 skirts, 1 dress, 3 t-shirts & 1 blouse fit me. That’s all I could and can wear. The same clothes over and over again. It makes me so sad and I am so uncomfortable all the time.
I must admit, I still want to be skinny. However, I am ready to do it by kicking Bulimia’s ass.

Thank you for reading my story.

[Rant/Rave] Lost my 1st lb after 8 months of binge eating
Created: Wed Jul 18 07:11:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvd9u/lost_my_1st_lb_after_8_months_of_binge_eating/
I am so happy you guys. The scale is finally going down. Begone binges!

Bad menu descriptions... argh!!
/u/WildConclusion [5'7 | CW 145 | BMI 22.5 | 22F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 06:35:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zv3za/bad_menu_descriptions_argh/
This is a rant but I’m on mobile and can’t flair, sorry!

So the other night I went out for dinner with my boyfriend... we were at an Indian restaurant. I was looking at the starters (would have been weird to only eat one course because he knew I hadn’t eaten all day etc) and so many of them looked SO GOOD, but the only thing which wasn’t deep fried was this chilli and garlic prawn dish, which seemed ok but was pretty expensive and didn’t seem as tasty as a lot of the other stuff. But whatever, calories... so I ordered it.
Lo and behold, when it arrives... fucking deep fried! And in this bowl which is still swimming in oil! Probably one of the least healthy starter options on the menu. I could have cried! So basically I spent too much and ate more calories than I would have had I ordered something else, which I would have definitely enjoyed more! I’m still so mad about it. Why oh why did they not just write that it was fried in the description??

Thanks for reading! It’s tough out there!

Daily Food Diary! July 18, 2018
Created: Wed Jul 18 06:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuxsn/daily_food_diary_july_18_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for July 18, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

Way To Go Wednesday July 18, 2018
Created: Wed Jul 18 06:11:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuxpr/way_to_go_wednesday_july_18_2018/
This is the weekly achievement thread for July 18, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

So irritated with the scale. /vent
Created: Wed Jul 18 06:06:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuwbz/so_irritated_with_the_scale_vent/
Seriously, I've been at or under 900 calories for a solid week, but I'm somehow up 6 pounds. I know that a week at 900 isn't that restrictive or that long a time frame, but come on. It's like the magic caloric number for me to lose weight is always a moving target and I never know what's actually going to work or not.

I know bodies are weird and maybe my whoosh is coming...I'm just so tired and frustrated right now. And hungry, dammit.

Oh, puke, how I miss thee
Created: Wed Jul 18 06:04:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuw1o/oh_puke_how_i_miss_thee/

I have a problem with binge eating, emotional eating and just straight up eating because I’m a friendless mental shut in who is bored as all hell.

About a month ago I ate a whole cheap frozen pizza by myself and it made me terribly sick for like... 15 hours before my body decided enough was enough and made me puke that sucker out. I only made it to the bathroom sink before I had the craziest, zestiest Exorcist projectile puke I’ve ever had in my life. It was pretty gross and I have the ugliest vomiting/retching/gagging sounds in the world but I swear I left the bathroom a changed human. I felt so peaceful and free from the clutches of that pizza.

I just wish that could happen every time I binged. But for some reason I can’t make myself purge so I can only look back on that pizza powered vomit-pressure-hose incident with great fondness. I feel like it was the first time my ugly, messed up body did me a favor.

So I guess now I’ll just binge 🙃

[Intro] Relapsed
Created: Wed Jul 18 05:33:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuoun/relapsed/
Anyway, because I barely posted when I actually was on this sub and I did disappear for a year, hey, I’m Nikkie.

I swear to god I was cured, a year without any restricting or purging, I gained weight and I regained energy and motivation to do the stuff I always liked to do.

I made the mistake of weighing myself three weeks ago, I gained 17 kg. Now I’m back to restricting and fasting, back to this subreddit

I’m not sure what to feel, I just want to be little again, regain control again, even though I know how miserable it made me.

Anyway, shit would be harder without this sub. So I’m glad this is here. Sorry for the weird intro.

A little bit about my 18 year journey with EDs.
Created: Wed Jul 18 05:16:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zul54/a_little_bit_about_my_18_year_journey_with_eds/
This is long, and I am sorry, but I thought someone might relate/want to discuss their history.

I grew up in a very affluent, image and success focused community with excellent schools. Middle and high school bathrooms smelled like puke especially in the science campus, girls would nibble on an apple or whatever and sip diet coke. One girl disguised it as Crohns (sp?) disease, which is actually pretty clever. The moms were that way, too, just as bad or worse. There are some women there who are at least 20 years older than I am now, jogging in a sports bra and shorts and they look... skeletal really. Like, joints and breastbones protruding skeletal. I almost has a wreck when I drove past one lady because I was amazed. Wonder if she's ok now.

I kind of wonder if it just gets handed down, you know? The obsession to be perfect? From parents to children... My sister's children are already talking about how fat they are (5, 7, and 10 years old!!! And not big in the slightest!!) It's not from her though, I know better. It's the kids talking about it at school. There are almost no other things so looked down upon as "fat" in that community. Probably being poor or brown-skinned, too. Just kidding, it was all white.

Culture there is like this:

"You will take AP classes, you will excel on the ACT and SAT, you will have more than one honors tassel at graduation, you will engage in extracurriculars, you will learn languages and get scholarships and go to bragging rights universities and MOST OF ALL you damn well better be thin, attractive, and well-dressed at all times. Oh and don't wreck your car when you are high."

I managed academically quite well, enrolled as a sophomore thanks to AP credits, but I never felt like I measured up to the thin girls who were taller than me and in the same classes. And that mattered more than intelligence or honors. I felt like a troll bumbling along, always trying to fit in but never quite. I'm 35 and the way I grew up there still fucks with me especially when I travel to visit.

The pressure crushed some of us mentally, and some sailed through it like it was second nature. I wonder occasionally if any of them are like me, still struggling or if they just live, adapted to that way of life.

I had treatment twice, inpatient, first at 19 and again at 23. The behaviors have varied. Sometimes starving and killing the elliptical (sometimes I said they were religious fasts tho I chainsmoked lol), sometimes binging and purging with vomiting and laxatives and exercise (yes all in the same BP cycle), sometimes special diets like raw or vegan. The starvation landed me in inpatient first with a BMI around 17 and a nasogastric tube, which I fought. The BP led to chest pain, heart damage, and another trip to inpatient. My electrolytes were dangerously out of balance.

As life moved on, I skated on the border of disordered behaviors. Drugs, self harm, drinking, trying to find meaning through a man (now divorced). I cycle through the behaviors still but it is hard, really hard. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder in high school, I've been medicated for almost 20 years.

Do you have any idea how soul crushing it is to do "everything right" and still gain weight? Or you start binging and sleeping! Not doing shit about it! And then you come to find out it is the medications that are. Supposedly. Keeping. You. Sane.

A few years ago, after another suicide attempt, I laid it all out there for my psychiatrist, who has known me since the beginning. Either give meds that don't make me binge or I will outright refuse. Now, I have an acceptable cocktail, though the antidepressant is not as weight gain neutral as I want, and she is treating the binging with Vyvanse. Which i , of course, initially abused because I'm a fuckwit.

Does it get better? It can and has, but it is always there. I think I will go my grave feeling like that troll girl lagging behind the thin, beautiful girls. My family is so over the ED that they get disgusted when I bring it up, even though they are my only support, besides my therapist who is a lovely person but not a specialist. My life is graphic design/art (don't leave the house) my cat and food and weight. What will the magic bullet be this month, you know? Adjust macros and fasting, don't work out too hard (heart is fucked). More strength or more cardio? Add some carbs for the mythical "whoosh" or do protein, with minimal fat and carbs? And let's not forget the days I REALLY fuck up and binge. Yep, laxatives are back though I only need five as opposed to 13-15 many years ago.

I just really wanted to put my story here. Maybe it will help someone to be a little kinder to themselves today and perhaps avoid years of misery, or someone can reach out and relate.

Thank you for reading; you guys have helped me feel less alone more than you know. 💘

[Rant/Rave] I thought I liked attention, but I was wrong
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'2 / CW:95 / BMI: 18 / GW: 84]
Created: Wed Jul 18 05:08:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuj9c/i_thought_i_liked_attention_but_i_was_wrong/
As much as I hate to admit it, part of my disorder is about being seen as desirable. I got what I wished for I guess. It's awful. Some guy on the street pretended to ask for directions in order to ask me out and asked things like "are you a personal trainer". It made me feel dirty, especially the remarks on my body. I just wanted to scream "I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER".

[Discussion] UK guys, Yoghurt?
/u/Flyingpapers [5'1 | CW:130 | BMI: 24.5 | SW:145 | 20 F ]
Created: Wed Jul 18 04:32:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zubjq/uk_guys_yoghurt/
I am in LOVE with yoghurt but haven’t been eating it for the past few months due to me having OMAD but i’m really craving, what’s the lowest calorie one you know of?

Please help, the craving is INSANE

[Rant/Rave] Cat being put down
Created: Wed Jul 18 04:26:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuafx/cat_being_put_down/
My cat is getting put down today.

I'm absolutely heartbroken 💔 he's literally been there my whole life, my parents got him a few months after I was born and we're basically the same age. He's been really really sick for ages and he's in so much pain and it's awful. He's such a sweetheart, a very loud fluffy ball of adorable. He's part of the reason why I've been trying to stop compulsively weighing myself, because he yells at me and tries to get on the scales too. He's been my buddy though all of my various mental health breakdowns and I'm just going to miss him so much. 


Sorry I know this isn't exactly ED related but I'm so heartbroken and I think I'm just going to fast forever now lol 

[Rant/Rave] The scale hates me and it makes things much worse
/u/space-crumpet [178 cm | GW: 65kg | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 04:05:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zu61u/the_scale_hates_me_and_it_makes_things_much_worse/
I decided I need to start working on recovering. I'm going to the therapist and working on my ED (+ anxiety), I'm also on medication. I set myself a goal of maintaining at least 1000 kcal a day; so far so good. But even though I'm still technically not eating enough, I'm not losing weight. It's been like that for almost a week.

It makes me crazy, because I'm overweight, and I should lose some more kg. And, additionally, it makes recovery much, much more complicated, it's hard to not restraining in this situation...

Is there a link to find out how much weight you'll lose if you don't eat for X days?
Created: Wed Jul 18 03:56:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zu41z/is_there_a_link_to_find_out_how_much_weight_youll/
I use loseit and my UGW is 80 pounds : if I don't eat I can reach it in November

What I want to know is the amount of weight I'll lose if I don't eat for 2/3 days and if there's some sort of website/calculator for that
my TDEE is 1,900

This body is a battlefield
/u/c_marier [5'6" | 109.6 | 17.76 | 24F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 03:22:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztxdn/this_body_is_a_battlefield/
Short story/flash fiction piece I wrote. Melodramatic AF as usual, but just something I had to get out and on paper. Only about 80% autobiographical lol. I'm always looking to improve, so if you bother to read, critique is welcome!

This body is a battlefield.

I stand naked in front of a mirror, like a ninety-year-old woman wondering where her youth went, except that I stand twenty-four years tall despite my slouch and bad posture and no mascara and missing curves. I run my fingers over papery skin, searching for a story. Bullet hole or blister? Mustard gas or cigarette burn? Razor wire scars? No, leave the wire, keep the razor close like a secret. My ribs cage forward like a bombed cathedral, my hips are knives, my collarbones a shackle.

This body is a prison. Once red, now chalky white counts of days, hours, wrongs, tears tally my hips, wrists, thighs, ribs, forearms. I forget what I was counting back then. I forget what number I reached. It wasn’t small enough, that much I know, it was always too too much and I am left with too many scars, each one signifying nothing.

This body is a graveyard. My pelvis protrudes like tombstones when I lie on my back, arms crossed over a barren chest, bones rattling even though I insist that I am not starving myself anymore. In another life, maybe I am and it’s haunting me even here. I am a thousand versions of myself, the ghosts stacked so closely that I am almost opaque. I am almost real.

In my hand in the mirror, I hold my fortune like a lottery poetry stick, Chinese magic. One line.

*What did you expect?*

All the faint white lines on my body come in twos, threes, sometimes more. None of them are so lonely as one, because I couldn’t fucking stop, wouldn’t be satisfied with a few cuts or a little hunger, no, I had to go all the way, I had to ravage this warzone of a body with famine and chemicals and pain and nothing that anyone forced on me except for myself.

One line. It means: not this time. Or maybe: not ever.

This body is a battlefield.

This is no place for a baby.

[Discussion] DAE count exactly how many times they chew every bite?
Created: Wed Jul 18 03:16:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztw79/dae_count_exactly_how_many_times_they_chew_every/
For me it started out as a savoring thing, but as my ED grew and changed it became more about pacing myself.

Softer foods (beans, eggs) get 10 to 15. Harder foods or 'tougher' foods (meat, bread) get 30 and I take MUCH smaller bites.

I'm sure I'm not the only one. Just curious what anyone else has when it comes to 'food rituals'.

[Discussion] Side effects of sugar substitutes?
Created: Wed Jul 18 02:14:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztkpl/side_effects_of_sugar_substitutes/
I had a massive panic attack at work the morning after eating half a pint of Halo Top. My job is causing me a lot of stress and I've just been in a less than great place mentally lately anyway, but my mom told me recently that she couldn't eat anything with Stevia anymore because she was having panic attacks every time and Halo Top was so bad for her that she threw all of hers out. Is it coincidence? Anyone else experience this? Are there any other side effects you might have noticed from certain ED safe foods but you aren't sure if it's just you?

Share your playlists!
/u/li_hu_sh [5'3 | CW:123 | 22.4 |-5| Female]
Created: Wed Jul 18 02:03:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztil2/share_your_playlists/
Be it recovery, pro, or just depressing stuff (but please label what kind it is!)

[Other] JustEDThings (other)
/u/SEND_PET_PICS [5'3 | Male | SW: 168 | CW: 150 | UGW: 100 ]
Created: Wed Jul 18 01:45:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztf8h/justedthings_other/
Looking up the health consequnces of restricting but not caring because you're so addicted to seeing the number on the scale drop

[Rant/Rave] not super ed related but don’t want to post elsewhere
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 01:43:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztexx/not_super_ed_related_but_dont_want_to_post/

Simple truths we all should know/follow.
/u/MsFaceless [176cm | CW 58kg | BMI 18 | GW 50kg | 28F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 23:58:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zsunb/simple_truths_we_all_should_knowfollow/

[Discussion] Wishing I had the flu
Created: Tue Jul 17 23:53:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zstmk/wishing_i_had_the_flu/
My mom has a horrible bout of the flu right now. Throwing up out of ...both ends if you get my drift. When she first got it last week I was secretly hoping I would catch it from her so I would lose weight. So messed up. I guess I didn’t really want it because when the doctor diagnosed her they prescribed me that new flu med that shortens/prevents flu if you catch it early enough, and I’ve been taking it. Still kind of jealous she’s been throwing up and having diarrhea. Which is so messed up. She had to go to the hospital yesterday for iv rehydration. And today’s her birthday and she’s miserable. I’m years into recovery and here I am envying a horrible case of the flu ugh

got to love vodka..
/u/hayley_ [5' 10| 141 | 20.2 | -135 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 23:23:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zsnq2/got_to_love_vodka/
[rant/rave] nice big fat ugly drunk binge on the SECOND DAY OF TRYING NOT TO BINGE.
I am getting so frustrated with myself, I haven’t self harmed in months but holy fuck I need to have control if I am going to keep clean.
I need to have self control if I am going to let myself drink, fuck.

[Discussion] DAE think they could easily spot another "one of us" in the wild?
/u/mu514 [160 cm • 45~50 kg • F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 23:19:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zsmwx/dae_think_they_could_easily_spot_another_one_of/
Like picking up on physical signs or habits or random body checks in public. To give an example of each...

Russel's sign on a knuckle can be a giveaway for purging. Someone looking at several nutrition labels (comparing calories for a specific food) can be spotted in a grocery store. Someone who closes their hand around their wrist, at a seemingly random moment, might be body checking as a comfort thing.

Anyone else feel like they've got a sort of ED radar? What other signs do you guys think are easy to pick up on? (And are likely invisible to the average non-ED person)

[Help] Vyvanse no longer suppresses appetite
Created: Tue Jul 17 22:51:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zsh24/vyvanse_no_longer_suppresses_appetite/
This is devastating to me. I'm an attorney and am stressed 24/7, but damn, 60mg of Vyvance should be taking away my appetite right? How do I fix this?

[Help] Drunk, bipolar and fasting
Created: Tue Jul 17 22:30:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zsce1/drunk_bipolar_and_fasting/
Sitting at a bar filled with a mix of pretty skinnies and total hamplanets. I feel... ostracized. Some dude nearly knocked me off my stool to make room for a cute little blonde. Some fat dude has been hitting on me all night. For all my restricting and binging, I'll never been better than average and it has me wistful for a time that never existed. I didn't ask to be born, but I will prayed to die. Let me off this carousel. Why am I such an abominable coward?

[Rant/Rave] Dumb little rant : I want to lose weight but I'm afraid to due the amount of clothes I'll have to give away
Created: Tue Jul 17 22:12:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zs8g5/dumb_little_rant_i_want_to_lose_weight_but_im/
I own a lot of clothes - a lot. I go shopping monthly. I easily spend 300/400 a month on clothes

When I lose weight and get to my UGW I don't want to start new, where would I sell all my clothes? There's Platos Closet but what if they don't take them?

I don't want to give up my clothes but I fucking hate myself. I want to be beautiful and thin but I don't want to give up all my clothes - ESPECIALLY with all the money I put in.
I hate being hideous and fat. Why couldn't I be born with a fast metabolism? Why couldn't I be born with willpower? Why am I so worthless.
Why can't I just get over the fact that I'll need to give up my clothes to be beautiful.
God I'm such an idiot, I really hope someone else can related and not just me


[Discussion] Anyone else grow up in a home with food restrictions?
Created: Tue Jul 17 21:57:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zs4ud/anyone_else_grow_up_in_a_home_with_food/
Did your siblings have allergies that kept food out of the house? Was your home vegan or vegetarian? Kosher or Halal? How did these behaviors, while perhaps needed change your relationship with food?

[Rant/Rave] dear husband
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 putridaffection]
Created: Tue Jul 17 21:53:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zs3rk/dear_husband/
when i haven’t eaten for legit 73 hours and i want a pair of headphones so i can listen to spotify have literally 10 minutes to myself while i wash dishes and decompress from being around two screaming children and i ask you where they are, the correct response is not a catty“you were the last person to have them”. i don’t care.

i asked nicely the first time. now *get me the fucking headphones*.

love, your angry wife

rant: carbs will be the death of me
Created: Tue Jul 17 21:45:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zs22m/rant_carbs_will_be_the_death_of_me/
why does everything that tastes good have carbs in it?? if i restrict and try to cut out carbs i literally feel like i’m gonna die and then end up binging 🙃

When you finally give in and decide to get a grilled fish from the cafe
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Tue Jul 17 21:31:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zryrq/when_you_finally_give_in_and_decide_to_get_a/

[Discussion] What scale do you use?
Created: Tue Jul 17 21:04:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zrsb7/what_scale_do_you_use/
I'm trying to find a new, more accurate scale for my house, but I've realized that most digital scales are wildly innacurate and fluctuate a ton. What scale would you recommend?

[Rant/Rave] Can't cope with food weight [rant]
/u/Bakedalaska1 [5'5.5" | 128.4 | GW:120]
Created: Tue Jul 17 20:49:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zrokl/cant_cope_with_food_weight_rant/
This weekend I was the lowest I've been in a while, but it was due to hangover induced dehydration. I've gained back a couple pounds which is ok, but after dinner tonight I'm really struggling not to say fuck it and binge on everything. I ate a high volume (tomato, cucumber, feta, red wine vinegar- 220 cals) dinner and I know I'm going to gain tomorrow just due to the volume of food even though I've had under 1000 calories today. Why is it that when I lose it "isn't real weight" but when I gain it is? It's so discouraging to eat veggies and stick to an actual semi-healthy diet and see the scale go up day after day. This is why I go back to eating lightweight trash.

[Discussion] Not super proED related but any insight. F21. 115 lbs. 5.1ft. I never work out or do any sort of fitness, why do I still have visible abs under a layer of chub?
Created: Tue Jul 17 20:45:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zrnfe/not_super_proed_related_but_any_insight_f21_115/

[Tip] I found an app that shames you into staying within/under your calorie budget
Created: Tue Jul 17 20:45:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zrne5/i_found_an_app_that_shames_you_into_staying/
It’s an app called Carrot. I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re trying to recover, because it might be relapse-triggering. But for those of you (like me) who are still full-fledge restricting, its perfect.

It basically insults you every time you log in a significant amount of calories. And you have a little avatar in game, and every time you log in calories, your little avatar gets fatter. If you go over your daily allowance, your avatar gets murdered.

So in a way it’s twisted, but it’s really helped keep me on track. I was having a bad week (1200-1700 calories per day), and today I was able to keep it at about 560-600.

[Other] Grocery haul
/u/Poopoodemons [5’1 | CW 97.8 | BMI 18.5 | GW 90]
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:46:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr8jj/grocery_haul/

[Rant/Rave] [Possible trigger warning] I'm the fucking worst
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:42:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr7nd/possible_trigger_warning_im_the_fucking_worst/
Hey guys,

I'm sorry in advance for the long ass rant ahead but I just need to vent.

I feel like the worst piece of shit to ever come into existence. I'm slowly starting to open up to other people about my ED and I already hate myself for it. I hate feeling so self conscious all the time and I hate that now others know about this, it makes me feel incredibly stupid and vulnerable. Especially since I think this will force me to talk about how much I (sometimes) envy my best friend (she's one of my biggest triggers). I feel like a big fat stupid piece of useless garbage next to her; she's everything I'm not: athletic, very thin, funny, cute, assertive, likeable, etc. I want to starve myself to death when I'm near her tbh.

I saw a picture of myself yesterday and I legitimately cried from how fat I looked. I have a bmi on the high end of healthy (21.1) but I swear I look fucking obese.

Even when good things happen to me, the only thing I can think of is how fat I am. I started dating my crush a month ago, and he's so kind and sweet to me it makes me want to cry. I can't keep my mouth shut about anything so I'm always commenting on how fat I look in front of him, and I know it must be tiring for him because he must think I do it as a means to fish for compliments but I'm just genuinely disgusted by the way I look.

I don't know what to do anymore. All this makes me want to kill myself so badly because why even bother, but ever since I started dating my SO I also feel like my life actually means something and I don't want to throw that away.

I wish everything was easier. No ED, no bipolar, no shitty self. It's all so tiring.

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like living a college dorm screwed their relationship with food?
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:38:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr6oa/does_anyone_else_feel_like_living_a_college_dorm/
I don't know if anyone else can relate, but I hope so. I was always a very naturally thin kid and teenager. My parents were pretty health conscious, cooked at home a lot and always had fruits and veggies around. I had a healthy relationship with food (just a few "if you eat like shit it'll catch up with you" comments from my parents here and there) and never worried about my weight, chalking it up to good genetics of metabolism or whatever. When I went to college I was already incredibly thin, but when I got there managed to get to a very low weight unintentionally. Dorm food was gross and unappealing, and I never ate enough just out of shear disgust. I went to school in a rural town, was broke, and didn't have a car to get to local grocery stores to pick up my own food. I always felt famished and sick and miserable. The more I felt sick, the more I blamed the dorm food, and the less I ate. I remember going home on breaks and eating an insane amount of food, because it felt so good to eat real food.

I only lived in the dorms for one year. After I left the dorms I had an apartment, a car, and a job. Suddenly I could feed myself again, and it was amazing. I didn't know what fullness felt like anymore, like I knew no end. Where as before this I ate like a bird, suddenly when I had food it felt like I'd never see it again and I had to eat it ALL. As time went on I obviously gained weight. And then I started researching how to lose weight. And it was all downhill from there.

I never felt bad about my body. I never thought I was fat. I never had a bad relationship with food. It wasn't until I didn't have access to food I wanted, and had access to gross shit food, that the issues began to surface. I feel really bitter about this. And I have never met anyone who can relate. I feel like most people go to college and gain weight from dorm food, but I was the exact opposite. It was such an awful experience and it ruined my relationship with food completely.

[Discussion] Does anyone else wonder how they didn't gain weight before their ED?
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 114| LW: 110 |HW: 134|UGW: 105|19F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:36:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr5yr/does_anyone_else_wonder_how_they_didnt_gain/
I'm not sure how unique this is, but I've never been overweight before. Both of my parents are thin, my mom naturally and my dad because of chronic stomach problems. I used to eat like a goddamned pig and never got over 135-ish pounds. I was completely sedentary so my body was pretty squishy all over, but I never left the healthy weight range. How the fuck did I do that?! I used to binge on fast food and junk food every single day and not gain. Now it feels like eating one sandwich makes me gain 8 pounds. I feel so much fatter now than I ever did and I hate it. I wish I could go back to being the girl who didn't give a shit about what she ate and didn't care about the way her body looked. It's fucked up that I'm jealous of someone I used to be.

[Discussion] Is this a good thing or bad?
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:26:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr3o6/is_this_a_good_thing_or_bad/
So I ate pretty well today, managed to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner AND kept my food down too! Woohoo! But I'm starting to feel a little anxious that in total I only had 717 calories today but everything I ate was good so I can't tell if I'm doing more harm than good.

Here's what I ate:

Breakfast- 2 eggs, tofu hot dog with chopped cilantro (130 calories)

Lunch- a sandwich (236 calories)

Dinner- chicken, 1 potato, veggies which include broccoli, green beans and carrots

Snack- soy chocolate milk (125ml/ 75 calories)

Is this okay?

[Rant/Rave] For the love of all that’s holy...
/u/_Pulltab_ [ 5'7" | CW 177| BMI 27.7 | -18 |GW 135 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:25:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr3fc/for_the_love_of_all_thats_holy/
My husband is eating peanut M&M’s in bed and I’m about to shove them up his ass!

[Other] Hmmm
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:24:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr2zc/hmmm/

[Discussion] kinda gross but...veins
/u/AgreeableReplacement [22F🍒5'8🍒~100lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:18:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr1ot/kinda_gross_butveins/
does anyone else have excessively protruding veins because i sure do and the summer heat isn't helping. i have them all over my body especially on my arms, even on my thighs, stomach and face. i can feel them bulging and it makes me all squeamish and uncomfortable. i want to hide under a million layers of clothes, winter pls come quicker :/

[Help] La Croix
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:14:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr0f5/la_croix/
so recently i tried the grapefruit la croix and...its not that great at all. but alas, its 0 calorie and id love to be able to get into this brand of drinks ! im sure theres gotta be a good tasting la croix out there somewhere, so does anyone have any flavors to suggest ?

[Other] Any men who frequent this sub?
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqzo5/any_men_who_frequent_this_sub/
I've been a lurker of this subreddit for awhile and I love and appreciate all of the camradarie and information that everyone brings. But sometimes I feel like I'm the only male here.

This isn't a complaint, just an observation.

Much love, and keep up the good fight againsr the food industry!

Anyone else purging on accident?
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:01:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqx9f/anyone_else_purging_on_accident/
Didn’t know how to phrase this well in the title, but basically whenever I eat now if I feel too full or I lay down/am horizontally everything I ate automatically comes up. Like without me trying at all, I literally just puked the peas I ate into a bowl so that it didn’t get on my bed.

Has this happened to anyone else before? How frequently? Did it go away after a while?

Thanks so much, also this is my first post I’m sorry if I did anything against the rules, I read up on them and think I followed them, but I’ll feel really bad if I didn’t use the right terms.

[Tip] For the Mountain Dew lovers
/u/whataurban [6'1" | 155 | 19.52 | 0 | M2F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:59:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqwlp/for_the_mountain_dew_lovers/
If you like Code Red you can pick up cases of it in diet (yeah I said diet) online from Wal-Mart $3.50 a case

[Intro] I've returned
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:47:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqteu/ive_returned/
Deleted my old reddit.

I've been going it alone in my struggle and I've grown tired of being alone, so I came back because I know everyone here is amazing and supportive. Anyways I'm glad to be back here.

[Tip] Here's a really good yam + carrot soup recipe I made myself!
/u/lxelan4862 [✽5'3 | CW 104 lbs | BMI 18.4 | GW 98 | Female✽]
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:23:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqn83/heres_a_really_good_yam_carrot_soup_recipe_i_made/
No butter, no oil - 103 calories if you eat 1/3 of the batch! (Sorry for the rough measurements, I dont have a measuring cup on me atm)


1 3/4 yam, 1 3/4 large carrots, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1 tbsp lemon juice + 1 tsp zest, tsp garlic, parsley, dried basil, salt + pepper to taste, 1 tbsp raw ginger root (you can tweak this recipe however you want!)

-bring water to a boil in a medium-sized pot, chop carrots and yams and boil for ~25 minutes until they are soft. Meanwhile add in garlic and some of the cinnamon.
-add contents into blender and blend accordingly until the puree is at your desired consistency.
-once the puree is ready, transfer contents into pot and simmer. It's best if you add in some hot water to compensate for some that has evaporated.
-add in the rest of the ingredients and mix with spoon thoroughly. For best results let the soup cool down for about 10 minutes.

And you're done! Its super satisfying and filling. Hope you enjoy :)

[Discussion] What happens to fat when you restrict?
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:20:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqmgc/what_happens_to_fat_when_you_restrict/
This is something I’ve always wondered

[Discussion] School is starting a month
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:20:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqmat/school_is_starting_a_month/
i just started panicking so hard rn because I realize I start school in a month (junior in university) and I’m so terrified if I don’t continue to lose weight. Any other students or workers have any tips to not mindlessly gain my weight back while I’m busy studying?

I forgot I was supposed to fast today.
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:17:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqlit/i_forgot_i_was_supposed_to_fast_today/
And I absentmindedly started chewing gum at work bc I didn’t want customers to smell my breath. I got a few pieces and sometimes I will just FILL my mouth with gum and chew it (I use it to not binge too lol) and then. I remembered.

I’m trying to fast every single day I’m not at my other job (coffee shop) because I get to have free caffeine there, even if it comes with calories, but I’m so busy I’m walking around and burning cals. My adderall gets rid of my appetite anyway and I try to only eat when I’m actually hungry, not when my BED tells me I WANT food. But now I feel like a fat piece of garbage who can’t keep food out of their mouth for one day. Ugh.

[Help] I know I dont want to binge but I think I'm going to anyway
/u/spaghetti_girl [5'3" | CW: 121 | GW: 105 | 20F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 17:53:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqf4q/i_know_i_dont_want_to_binge_but_i_think_im_going/
basically what the title says

I haven't been sleeping, been feeling really incompetent at work, and I think I miss my ex ( <- wtf, pls stop). my birthday is coming up soon and I'm probably spending it alone.

the thing is I know that i only feel the impulse to binge because eating seems like my last source of comfort and control. i can rationalize through the impulses but it doesn't make the ugly feelings go away. I bought the food anyway and now I'm just sitting in my room with it still unopened.

I'm so tired of swinging between highs and lows and restricting and bingeing. I wish I could just stick with one. idk what to do anymore.

[Discussion] Motivating myself to restrict by thinking ‘she won’t love me if I’m this fat’, and weirdly it’s working. Anyone else do this?
/u/pinnekjottt [5’7 | CW 235lb | UGW 115 | F |]
Created: Tue Jul 17 17:47:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqdk8/motivating_myself_to_restrict_by_thinking_she/
So I’ve been finding it hard to restrict lately, and keep falling back into binge eating habits. However, a couple of weeks ago I made a promise to myself that if I got down to my goal weight, I could ask out the girl I’ve had a crush on for ages, and it’s the only thing that’s motivating me. Like, seriously, brain? You won’t do this because you’re obese and hate your body, but you’ll restrict happily if you think ‘she won’t ever love me if I’m fat?’

This is honestly so ridiculous like... If there was ever a way to make an eating disorder even worse for my mental health, it would be to pin all of my self worth and motivation on the validation of someone I have a crush on. Good going, me. Does anyone else do this?

[Help] calorie estimate please
/u/mellowguppy [Height: 5'3 | CW: 113 | GW: 108 | 21F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 17:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zq85o/calorie_estimate_please/

[Rant/Rave] Green beans lmao
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Tue Jul 17 17:18:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zq5ml/green_beans_lmao/
Made some green beans and 1/2 a toasted sweet potato for my tea. Probably came to 120 calories max (but I’m logging 150 because of who I am as a person). Ate the potato and some of the beans before LEGITIMATELY CRYING OVER GREEN BEANS.

Guys those things are A SAFE FOOD. They have NO CALORIES (well they do but in terms of other things I could be eating) and I cried??


[Rant/Rave] I relapsed years ago without knowing it
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:47:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpx8f/i_relapsed_years_ago_without_knowing_it/
When I was 15 I started to skip meals. I lost 20 pounds in a very short time. Thankfully I was able to get better before it got too serious.

Thanks to binge-eating and hypothyroidism I became obese. When I was 19 I decided to become healthy again. I joined a bodystyling group and got a diet plan. You had to go 2/3x a week and you got measured, weighed and had to do a workout.

If my appointment was at 7pm I wouldn’t eat all day because I wanted to weigh less than before. I’d sit on the toilet for an hour hoping to lose more weight. They’d be rude if you maintained, not caring about periods, or different times of the weigh in. I lost 30 pounds “the healthy way” thanks to healthy food and exercise.

Then I discovered diet subreddits. “Eat whatever you want just weigh and track everything”. I can’t believe I was acting like a fool weighing, tracking everything thinking it was healthy. Restricting myself for days only to binge on whatever I could find. But it was all fine, just eat less calories the next day!

Today I found this sub and I can’t believe how obvious it was. I have an eating disorder. I can’t “just” eat. It’s constantly counting calories, finding ways to cut out more and more of them or eating every damn edible thing in sight.

TLDR; You guys are amazing. You know you have a problem and you would never encourage others. Meanwhile others are doing the exact same thing and encourage other people to do the same leading them down a dangerous road.

New guy = ED flaring up
/u/rawtruism [5'2 | cw: 100.5 lbs | gw: 88 lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:47:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpwzo/new_guy_ed_flaring_up/
ooooh boy. I've gone and found myself head over heels infatuated with a guy who is also incredibly infatuated with me. He's gorgeous and we really click, so I think there might be an actual thing here. Maybe. We're still getting to know each other, but we're very invested in this. Hah. Hope I don't end up disappointed as fuck.

ANYHOW. He is. SO skinny. And tall. Like 6'5. And as I said, gorgeous. So naturally, I want to be even TINIER next to him. He picked me up and fucked me against a wall last time we saw each other, and I wanna make stuff like that easier. Because damn.

And anyway. He's also been away for like a week and then I found myself like. Alone and restless because I couldn't hang with him. So of course I've been eating EVERYTHING and not purging because it has been a while since I last did that ?? and I thought I was over it kind of but UGH this feeling in my stomach that comes from eating too much is just... Killing me.

I'm seeing him again tomorrow and I honestly feel like I've gained 10 lbs just this week. It's horrible. I feel horrible. It's gonna be fine. I know this. But fuck I wish this shit didn't flare up just because I wanna look even better for a guy who already thinks I'm the absolute shit. What gives? Illogical as fuck.

[Rant/Rave] I look like a toad
/u/sweet_tea_3 [5'7" | CW 118.6 | GW 110| 20F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:31:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpsfm/i_look_like_a_toad/
I just got my new drivers license today in the mail and my picture is literally a toad. I knew I had a round face but now I am literally fasting for the rest of the week. I look fatter then in my old pic an I weighed at least 20lbs less. I’m so done right now at least I’ll always have a reminder of how I actually look in my pocket

Sorry for the rant/ bad format

"...well not too much more"
/u/originalcee [5' | CW 69 | BMI 13.48 | -25 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:16:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpojr/well_not_too_much_more/
Just need to do a quick rant here. I'm not sure where "we" all are from the mpa fiasco, so hi!

Okay, so quick explanation. I'm 5', 32 years old married for 7. I was around 85 lbs when we got married. Not really disordered; I've always been small, just some minor disordered eating, I guess.

I gained some weight drinking too much and eating office donuts etc. I weighed myself (unfairly) after Christmas dinner this past Christmas and was 98 lbs and freaked out. I'd been gaining a bit, usually sitting around 95 lbs, but the food weight pushing me close to 100 had me all upset. Never been 100 lbs in my life.

I started restricting heavily, around 600 calories a day. Lost the weight and then some. At 75 lbs, my husband said something about looking really thin, so I've been eating around 800 since then. Still losing weight, but slowly.

Today, I weighed 69 lbs. I can see the ribs coming from my breastbone which is a bit new for me. I said, "hm, I guess I need to eat more," and he says "...well not too much more."

Oh my god. Like no, I don't want to get fat, but yikes if that didn't just kill my resolve to eat a little bit closer to maintenance calories.

[Discussion] Am I the only ‘Junk-Food-Rexic”
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpmv1/am_i_the_only_junkfoodrexic/
Like I restrict and exercise and keep my calories in-out between -300 & 200 but like, im sitting here eating pizza and honestly, I never really eat that much ‘ED food’
I tend to try to eat controlled amounts of good but high cal foods instead of tons of nasty but low-cal.

[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate this mindset
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:09:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpmme/i_fucking_hate_this_mindset/
Anyone else feel as if every time they say “just this once” to food they’ll end up saying that to literally every single food in the world and end up in a never ending cycle of binging and restricting? It’s 11pm in the UK and I’m so fucking hungry but scared at the same time.

[Rant/Rave] Guestimating calorie numbers in your head only to remember you're shit at math after you've eaten the entire thing
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5| 100 lbs| 19.4| 18F| Exploring Recovery]
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:06:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zplvj/guestimating_calorie_numbers_in_your_head_only_to/
So I'm off to the grocery store to grab something to eat while I have time between work and pole.

I've worked ten days in a row, found out my ex is finally quitting next month, had to see him and be reminded about how much I still like his voice as we switched over shifts.

As such, I thought I'd treat myself and go slightly over my calorie limit for the day. After agonizing over various "healthy" chip options that I really didn't like want, I spot a bag of mini baguettes that are 110 cal for 20 g and the bag is 150 g.

Well, guys and gals, there are two absolute truths about me: 1. I'm shit at math. 2. I'm a sucker for bread and cheese. Therefore, I end up calculating that the whole bag is about 500 calories, pay for it and eat the whole thing in roughly fifteen minutes.

ITS 725. I'm an idiot. An actual idiot. And now I'm just going to transfer all 425 calories that I'm over my limit over to tomorrow. Welcome to low restriction. RIP.

[Discussion] Any other borderline (BPD) people on this sub?
/u/Bleepbloopbroke [65|CW 121.4|GW 110|UGW 84|20.44|]
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:06:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpls9/any_other_borderline_bpd_people_on_this_sub/
It's so frustrating! 90% of the time I feel like shit about my body but I'll get mood swings where I feel amazing for an hour, feel great about my body and all that.... and then I screw up all my progress and I swing to being way more depressed about everything than I started. I'll feel depressed, worthless.

This happens usually several times a day

God I hate myself lol

Anyway just curious to see how many of you are out there :)

I ate today. It’s been two weeks. Told myself it wouldn’t turn into a binge but it has :/
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:05:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zplce/i_ate_today_its_been_two_weeks_told_myself_it/
Fuck my life. I went clothes shopping today to get some cute stuff and I was so freakin hungry. I was walking past the food court and immediately the smell hit me, chick fil a.. my weakness. I tried to tell myself to not do it but I am weak af. I got a small chicken nuggets and a small fry then devoured the whole thing. Couldn’t purge because I was at the mall so just suffered and felt like shit the whole time. Doesn’t help that I hit a new low weight! Came home and fiancé got pizza so I had a slice of that, then I shoved Cheetos into my face and chocolate cake. Am feel bloated AS HELL and guilty too. I’m so full that I feel like I’m gonna explode. Guess that’s what happens when you try to live off of just Diet Coke and rice cakes 💁‍♀️ guess now I’m gonna fast until I can’t anymore

[Help] Is it possible to maintain while recovering?
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:04:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpl6y/is_it_possible_to_maintain_while_recovering/
TL;DR at bottom

Hi. I’m kind of in recovery in that I’m trying to eat more comfortably and up my intake...but it’s on my own. There’s no in or outpatient, no doctors, no nutritionists, just me, my mom, and some hope.

Now, last time I checked a few days ago, I weighed 97 pounds at 5’4” as a (young) teenager. And honestly? I wouldn’t mind maintaining. I have a thigh gap, I have collarbones and slightly visible back bones, my tummy doesn’t have much fat, etc. (I probably gained over the past few days, though, I can tell)

But obviously to fully recover I have to get my intake to 1,600 ish, which is what is recommended for adolescents. The number terrifies me beyond belief. Yesterday and today I ate 550 calories (which honestly keeps me pretty full) and I almost cried about three times because I’m still terrified of gaining.

Still. My eating habits were tearing my family and my life apart so I HAVE to recover. Is there any possible way to recover without gaining, though? It’s so terrifying when I’ve just eaten and my stomach is bloated that I have to force myself not to go back to starving. The gap between my thighs has slowly been closing. It’s so scary. I’ve been trying to do some exercise to compensate but still.

I want to be able to comfortably eat again and eat like a normal person and not panic at the thought of calories but I cannot stand the thought of gaining.

Tl;dr Im trying to recover and get my intake to normal again, on my own, but I don’t want weight restoration...I just really wanna maintain. Can I recover without gaining?

what body checks do you do the most frequently?
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:51:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zphdy/what_body_checks_do_you_do_the_most_frequently/
for me its kind of this grabbing motion at my stomach fat or sort of pushing it all into one spot in the middle of my stomach (idk how to describe it) and i also touch my hipbones a lot

What are your guys’ binge trigger foods?
/u/tangerine_twist [5'8 | GW: 130 | 23.9 | 19F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:47:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpgb8/what_are_your_guys_binge_trigger_foods/
I haven’t bought cheez it’s or goldfish in over a year because I will finish the whole bag 😭

[Help] How can I keep my titties big? I need to lose 80 pounds and I love my boobs, I don’t want to lose too much of them /:
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:30:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpbg6/how_can_i_keep_my_titties_big_i_need_to_lose_80/
I wear a 38D bra and I want to keep it that way. I’m falling back into old habits and I don’t want them to shrink too much. What foods (anything really) promote breast growth? Does anyone here use any, and if so how’d it work?

[Discussion] DAE not admit what their fear foods are?
/u/ImDestinedToDie [5'6.5|Shrek's Jealous|GW: 114 |Female]
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:30:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpb6t/dae_not_admit_what_their_fear_foods_are/
Anytime someone asks me what food I want to binge on or I have I shy away from answering and lie. I’d rather people think I binged on popcorn and candy rather than my actual favorite hot Cheetos or fries when I go out. It’s just embarrassing, I can’t admit it to even the closest people in my life in fear of being judged, especially anytime I eat the food.
I just b/p today and I wanted to tell somebody I’m close to.. then I realized I don’t want to because I don’t want to admit what I ate.

[Tip] I've just come to a great realisation!
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:29:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpb64/ive_just_come_to_a_great_realisation/
*(Skip to bold text to read my realisation)*

Do not make the same mistake that I have made when trying to recover!

So to give you a bit of a picture, I am 16, female and from the UK.
I struggled with restricting for (I think) about a year before I started binge eating the weight back.
Despite getting to a healthy weight I continued to binge until eventually I became overweight.
I started purging after my binges and got back to a normal BMI, but was more miserable than before. So, around four months ago today, I decided I wanted to be healthy. At this point, binge eating and purging were the only behaviours I was struggling with.

I asked my parents if they could not buy- or could hide- the junk food that was in the house. They said yes and decided on the latter.
There was still some 'junk food' in the cupboards, but only stuff that I thought I would never binge on. Such as: hula hoops, nakd bars, callipo lollies, 40g bourneville bars.

Everyone thought that I was "vegan"; I am ashamed to say that after 9 months I binged and still do binge on food containing animal products so I am **not** vegan. I'm telling you guys this because it is relevant due to the fact that *everyone* thought/thinks that I am vegan.
This meant that my parents still bought a lot of non-vegan junk food.

So for the first month it was fine- I ate around 1,350 calories every day and I felt my mood improve. There was no bad food around to tempt me and I felt invincible.

Then, some family friends came over for the weekend and brought with them so much unhealthy food that it shocked me just looking at it. Well they went, leaving nearly all of the untouched junk food behind as clearly my parents weren't interested in it lol.
As soon as I got the house to myself, you can imagine what went down. I binged and purged on said food. It wasn't vegan, however my parents never asked where that particular food went.

I felt awful, and a few days later I had another binge & purge on whatever I could find in the house. The lack of having desired binge foods in the house didn't stop me. I just opened the fridge and stuffed everything edible down my throat given that I didn't hate it: I don't hate many foods. I ate so much, fruit, bread, cereal, ketchup, mushrooms, and tons of non-vegan junk food.

My parents clocked onto the fact that I was stealing food that wasn't vegan and started hiding that as well. Gradually more and more food started getting hidden from me. Bread, fruit, crackers. Food that wasn't even considered unhealthy.

For about a month I managed a routine of eating healthily throughout the week and then as soon as I was left home alone on the weekend I would go and eat **everything** in the kitchen, before raiding the whole house, and many times finding packets of biscuits and boxes of chocolates stored away underneath my parent's bed before I devoured them. I would then purge, hide the wrappers, and repeat the process until my parents got home.

After a month my self-control seemed to lessen further to the point where I would eat healthily for a day or two, before being overcome by the sudden urge to eat everything in sight. I would then binge and purge for the remainder of that day, at this point not caring if my parents were home or not.
This is what my eating habits are like at present.

But today, I have come to the realisation that the cause of my current eating habits is painfully obvious.

**Here is what I did wrong and what I should have done instead in my recovery attempt:**

To understand what I did wrong we first have to understand my eating disorder. My eating disorder **is** my body's flawed logic that-

*To survive I need to consume everything*

Key point being to "consume everything".

To recover I need to teach my body that this logic is flawed.

My recovery strategy was to decrease the total amount of food in my surroundings.
This was my mistake.
Even if- especially if- by following this strategy I ate a balanced diet, doing so actually reinforced the flawed logic that needed to be corrected in the first place thus actually making my eating disorder, my *psychological* illness, worse.
This means that if your lifestyle changes, to one that makes binge eating within the bounds of possibility, there is a much higher chance that you will repeat bad habits.
Chances are, your lifestyle will change. Maybe you marry someone who brings unhealthy food home one evening, or you start working in a takeaway that gives you free food.

If I am still being confusing then this hypothetical scenario may help you understand:

*If an obese woman with a diagnosis of Binge Eating Disorder gets locked, by someone else, in a room for 4 months and is given a total of 600 calories a day every day she spends there, when she comes out, infertile and weighing 6 stone does she still have BED even though she is physically anorexic?*

What I am trying to say is that yes, while you can change your surroundings to rule out the possibility of partaking in ED behaviours, to fully recover from an ED, you have to correct the flawed logic.

I feel like I don't know what hunger is?
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -25lb | M21]
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:24:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zp9qu/i_feel_like_i_dont_know_what_hunger_is/
As in, I have a lot of feelings, but it's never what I'd call *hunger.* I fast a lot (my highest has been 168hr, I'm 24 into a 100 rn), but I never feel "hungry." I'll get light headed, and weak, my stomach will hurt, I can't get food off my mind, but it just feels like I'm light headed and thinking about food and I have a stomach ache. It never feels right to call it "hunger." And then I get so mad at myself when I do eat, even if I break fast because I'm dizzy or blacking out, because it feels like I don't actually *need* food because I'm not hungry. That if I eat without feeling what I would call hunger, then I'm just eating because I'm bored or whatever and not because I need it. But I don't know what I would call hunger. I don't know if I really have never felt hunger or if this is just some weird dissociation thing.

Idk, anyone else experience something like this?

[Other] I'm the worst
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zp72n/im_the_worst/
Logical brain: it's okay been 10 days since you last felt handsome. It's gonna be okay dude chill the fuck out.

ED brain: 10 DAYS OF BINGING UGLY. THAT'S PROBABLY 10LBS. Ur haven't been working out, just sitting around getting XL.

special forum for treatment centers
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:09:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zp4w6/special_forum_for_treatment_centers/
tldr at bottom

I don't know if this is the best place to post this, and please excuse me if this has already been posted (i didn't find it), but could we get together in one place a thorough review of the treatment places and level of care we've all been to. and i mean...

1 acknowledging our own biases from the onset and saying when we were there to give a frame of reference(summer 2015)

2 explaining what the day to day schedule was like ( wake up:X:XXam, weights/vitals:Y:YYam, breakfast:Z:ZZam, etc)

3 what groups they have( art therapy, cbt,), and what they are like

3 how meals were (inc. availability to select what you eat, what choosing the meals/snacks was like, the dining environment("staff breathed down your neck like an effing dragon to make sure you took the full serving, and then we all ate in silence except for this one staff worker who wouldn't shut the f up about her cat"), if you had to fill out paperwork ( see *suds*), time to eat(e.g. 45min meals/snacks), how the selection was for meals and snacks("oh, it was wonderful, they gave us halo top as dessert and safe foods x, y, & z were always an option" /s), and other things that would be good to know, like getting specific food challenges, or going to restaurants)

4 interactions with staff/other residents,

5 amenities of the places (feels weird saying that, but like washer/dryer 1x/wk with byo detergent, towels and linens are good, but byo pillow, showers in AM only, PM if approved, phones/laptops not allowed, etc.)

6 therapists/dietitians/doctors appointments -- how meetings go, how they're scheduled, how they interact with you, how long, frequency, what you can/can't talk about(weight) if relevant, etc.

7 outings -- like only on weekends, or for restaurants, that kind of stuff

8 bathroom situation -- I brush my teeth a lot, so i made this its own category

9 anything else we should know
10 overall recommendation

tldr: to put in one place, lets review where we've been in great detail so other people can better choose where to seek treatment

[Rant/Rave] I’ve hit a plateau and have no idea where to go from here
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:56:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zp0v5/ive_hit_a_plateau_and_have_no_idea_where_to_go/
To begin I’m 5’5” and typically walk around at 108. In the past month I’ve gained 10 lbs and have absolutely nothing to pin it on. I practice intermittent fasting and OMAD, and still the needle doesn’t budge. I’m thinking of just riding my broccoli and rice diet until my wedding then saying to hell with it, let my body balance itself out.

In the meantime, my head looks like it’s about 10 sizes too big for my body, my thighs literally jiggle like jello and I’ve managed to develop a pooch on my stomach. I’m coming up on 30 in a year or two and have always heard that your body “slows down” around that time, but I had no idea it’d be so brutal when it actually happened.

Where's everyone from?
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:51:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zozf3/wheres_everyone_from/
This sub feels like a family. It would be cool to know where everyone is from :)
I'm from the UK 🇬🇧

Seeing my physiatrist today, should i ask for Wellbutrin?
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:46:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoxr9/seeing_my_physiatrist_today_should_i_ask_for/
Has anyone taken wellbutrin?

[Other] Ant infestation in the kitchen = terrifying reason to not eat right now :(
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:45:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoxhu/ant_infestation_in_the_kitchen_terrifying_reason/
I’m super afraid of bugs and yesterday I discovered these tiny ants in our microwave. Then today I found them in/around the stove (where I mainly cook food!) and I am so disturbed. I’m a little sad I can’t cook my usual stuff but on the other hand, this is keeping me away from the kitchen so at least I’m glad for that? My mom has been spraying the ants to kill them but I’m afraid I’ll just keep discovering them and they’ll eventually get to the pantry or fridge and literally no food will be safe to eat... anyway I just needed to talk about this interruption in my food routine! I hate bugs!!!

[Rant/Rave] Hostility towards skinny people
/u/LizE4 [5'3 | CW: 110 | BMI 19.5 | GW: 100-105 lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:45:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoxcq/hostility_towards_skinny_people/
My mother is a tiny Vietnamese woman who is naturally underweight. She's 5'2 and weighs 99 lbs (which is really heavy for her) and she eats whatever she wants when she wants. She's a five meal a day, pizza and ice cream for diner sort of person. When she was 9 months pregnant with me, she weighed 90 lbs max. (why didn't I inherit her metabolism?!?!?!)

I was away with her and some of her friends this weekend, and the entire weekend they kept insisting she must not be eating right or something and actually acting really hostile because she's skinnier than them. Not envy, just hostility.

I'm probably weird in the sense that I don't like pointing out my weight at all. Not even if it's complimenting me. People say I look like I've been dieting, I look skinnier and I look good, and it bothers me. I'm not even underweight yet. What if I start getting the same treatment as her? I honestly think I'd just give up and cut all social interaction out of my life completely.

I don't know. This is getting really rambly. I was just really uncomfortable the entire weekend and ended up eating like 2000 calories a day and now I feel even worse.

Two weeks ago I was down 6 pounds.
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 114.2 | GW 101 | WL 3 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:33:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zotti/two_weeks_ago_i_was_down_6_pounds/
I'm feeling the fall of failure. Just two weeks ago I was 6 pounds lighter and this week I feel like a fucking ugly whale. Why do I just keep eating? Why do I insist on shoving sustenance in my mouth? A banana. Guacamole. Salsa. Prepared beans. All plant-based, but all still nutrient, calories, shorthand for fat. I'll never again see the slight of my thighs, the slimness of an empty waste. Why do I waste my moments engaging with taste. Why can't I be a committed faster who downs zero-calorie kool-aid. Why can't I accustom myself to the metallic taste of aspartame? Why do I continue to give my body the privilege of indulging. I don't want to die. But oh, do I.

this girl in the front row of my psychology class is TRIGGERING
/u/kufchan [5"3 | 126 | 22.94 | 8 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:33:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoton/this_girl_in_the_front_row_of_my_psychology_class/
fuck, i cant stand real life thinspo. this is the second time a girl has been so thin that it actually distracts and triggers me. this girl is perfection. she is 5"5ish, and looks like she weighs about 100lbs. her skin is so clear and she gives off this effortless, put together vibe. she always asks questions in class, makes the class laugh, and is super stylish and put together. im probably biased but i swear she has an ed too - she is so little.

i had been doing pretty well at restricting the past couple of weeks until yesterday, when i went to go get a bowl of phö by myself after school - i didnt finish it but i feel so bad. so i was feeling pretty good up until then. i tried to let it roll off my back and resolved to start a new fast, but as soon as i walked into class and saw her this morning i feel like there's no point. i will never be that skinny and beautiful, even if i lose the weight ill still have these wide hips and terrible skin

and we sit near each other too. my eyes can't help but dart over to her legs, arms, stomach and then back at mine, comparing everything. i feel like i can feel the fat weighing down my body now. it's disgusting.

have yall had similar experiences? how did you deal with it? any advice?

[Rant/Rave] Currently at work starving
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:20:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zopwl/currently_at_work_starving/
I went on “lunch” and stayed in my car for 30 minutes instead of getting a Doritos los taco w chicken from Taco Bell (only 140 cal 👀) but decided against it bc I wanted to wait a few more hours. Now I’m dizzy and I get off in 2 hours exactly. I’m so exhausted and want to eat so much...there’s really no point about this rant tbh I think I’m going to get chipotle instead and have that as my only meal of the day

/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:17:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zop02/new_halo_top_flavours_in_the_uk/



[Rant/Rave] This may not be the right place for this...
/u/Babe-rahamLincoln [5'2" | CW: 110 | GW: 105 | UGW: 90 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:09:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zom78/this_may_not_be_the_right_place_for_this/
But does anyone else here place their entire self worth in one person?

When things aren’t good between my boyfriend and I (whether we’re actually fighting or I just FEEL like we’re not as good as we usually are) it’s like my entire world comes crashing down.
I restrict even more so than usual and I cry like you wouldn’t believe.

I know it’s extremely unfair to him even though he’s pretty oblivious to it because we’re long distance at the moment. But I don’t know how to stop honestly.

[Help] overwhelmed and possibly heading to recovery
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:05:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zol38/overwhelmed_and_possibly_heading_to_recovery/
so i’ve been at my goal weight for a few weeks now (yay!) and i’ve decided to stay at maintenance because me losing anymore weight will literally make me die and lose all my remaining butt and boobs. Maintenance for me is 1300 calories. It’s super low I know, but it’s a lot for me since i literally don’t know how to not be in a deficit. i’m actually 4 pounds lower than my UGW, and it wasn’t intentional. I really need advice on how to eat normally again. so far i’ve been either eating yogurt, huge salad, and fruits all day, feel full, but it was under eating- or occasionally binge eating and going over my calories by like 500. Some days I feel like eating the whole world- and other days (especially when i’m sad) I want to starve myself. I haven’t gained any weight after about a month of being like this, but it’s just not normal. I want to eat normally again but it’s so overwhelming to eat a normal sized meal now. Eating breakfast AND 2 slices of pizza in one day will overwhelm me and make me cry then starve myself for a few days afterwards. Eating anything high in calories even if it fits my calories makes me feel like I need to punish myself. Then I lose more weight. My bmi is 17.4 now. I’m seriously scared for myself- but at the same time i’m scared of gaining weight. I need serious advice on how to be normal again. I’ll take any advice- thank you.

Calorie Est. Plssss? (Avocado + Pinto? Beans + Chicken + Bacon Bits on a bed of Spinach and/or Mixed Greens)
/u/TygarRawrs [5' 5.5" | CW: 105 lbs | GW: 100 lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:52:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zogsd/calorie_est_plssss_avocado_pinto_beans_chicken/

Husbands surprise day off
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:50:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zog44/husbands_surprise_day_off/
Husbeast was off from work today and it completely messed up my lowest planned day this week.

I had a rice cake for breakfast with a giant Coke no sugar , that was supposed to be it. Someone gave me cookies and I ate 2 and thought it would be fine because I was still under 500.

*All was not fine*

At some point today he was looking at my phone for some reason and looked through my lose it app. And was pretty upset about my intake for the last few weeks. He got us Publix subs for lunch and watched as I ate half. Now I'm way over where I wanted to be. I'm not happy right now

Anyone have any good ED poetry book recommendations?
/u/sadgab_ [5'8.5 | CW:121| GW: 118 | 19F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:45:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoegh/anyone_have_any_good_ed_poetry_book/
I really like poetry but am looking for some that are more relatable about the struggles of eating disorders. If anyone has any recommendations I'd love to hear them!

Can someone tell me it's not stupid to spend $40 on erythritol
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:37:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoc37/can_someone_tell_me_its_not_stupid_to_spend_40_on/

“Long-lasting” foods/meals?
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:36:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zobsq/longlasting_foodsmeals/
i was just eating a 120g japanese sweet potato (white inside, ~110 cal) and it took me quite a while, like over 20 mins because it’s a dry texture. it was really satisfying though, and i was wondering what foods you eat that “last long” & also taste good? i’m also partial to a raw peeled carrot to nibble on or a big bowl of soup to fill me up with water!

[Goal] Popcorn Mono
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:34:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoay4/popcorn_mono/
This weekend was a food heavy three day wedding. My eating is waaaaay off track and I crave control so...

Air popped popcorn mono starting tomorrow morning.


Air popped only
Nooch and powdered kelp topped only
Three days at least
All I can stand
No eating after 7pm
Diet drinks, tea and coffee allowed

The popcorn mono is how I've reset myself for years. Ultimate comfort mono. Feel free to join. :-)

What's your favourite mono?

[Tip] Salt in coffee
/u/kpatable [5'9.5" | 134 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:32:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoaah/salt_in_coffee/
So I know this sounds crazy, but hear me out. I read this article a while ago that suggested putting a tiny pinch of salt in your cup of coffee, and today I tried it - Omg it really does make it better! It's a bit hard to balance because the coffee needs to be significantly sweeter than salty, but once I got the right balance, the coffee tasted, like, fuller and richer O.o It's weird! Like, for those of you who drink beer (or kombucha), ya know how beer tastes more filling? Well the salt helps coffee do that! It just makes it more satisfying. It takes very little salt, btw. You want to barely be able to taste it. But I guess it does require experimentation. Btw, I drink my coffee with aspartame and half&half or whole milk (I'm a proponent of healthy fats).

But yeah, since I know most of us drink coffee a lot, I thought I'd share! \^-^ I hope some of you find this helpful!

[Tip] Salt in coffer
/u/kpatable [5'9.5" | 134 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:31:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zo9xy/salt_in_coffer/
So I know this sounds crazy, but hear me out. I read this article a while ago that suggested putting a tiny pinch of salt in your cup of coffee, and today I tried it - Omg it really does make it better! It's a bit hard to balance because the coffee needs to be significantly sweeter than salty, but once I got the right balance, the coffee tasted, like, fuller and richer O.o It's weird! Like, for those of you who drink beer (or kombucha), ya know how beer tastes more filling? Well the salt helps coffee do that! It just makes it more satisfying. It takes very little salt, btw. You want to barely be able to taste it. But I guess it does require experimentation. Btw, I drink my coffee with aspartame and half&half or whole milk (I'm a proponent of healthy fats).

But yeah, since I know most of us drink coffee a lot, I thought I'd share! \^-^ I hope some of you find this helpful!

so apparently i'm 3cm shorter than i was told
/u/mostlyoff [178cm | 49.6kg | 16.2 | 16F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:29:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zo9hv/so_apparently_im_3cm_shorter_than_i_was_told/
and it seems like something small but it's made a huge difference, now apparently my bmi is 16.2 instead of 15.7! i feel like i've been living a lie for the last year, i just can't believe this has happened. came at the worst possible moment, too. hadn't eaten today so i decided i might do myself some veggies for dinner, but then my dad comes into the kitchen asking to measure me for a form he has to fill up. whips out the tape and reads off 175cm instead of 178cm like i'm so used to hearing. checked my phone to see what difference it would make and decided it wasn't really worth having dinner. ahhhh why did this have to happen?!

What the fuck, France?!
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:16:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zo554/what_the_fuck_france/
I am beyond *done* with French food culture. French people act like turning down bread, wine, and cheese is fucking treason, and they're *constantly* forcing food on me.

Food in southern France is so incredibly *heavy.* It's just all potatoes, cheese, bread, and So. Much. Oil. I can get by cooking for myself, but we're an ocean away from any holy grail foods like Halo Top and sugar-free jello.

Dinner today was pasta, and I tried to serve myself mostly meat and veggies. The host saw that I was "having some trouble" with the serving utensil, so she just reached over and dumped a goddamn MOUNTAIN of filthy, greasy *worms* onto my plate. I'm so fucking shaken up right now.

I so rarely get to serve myself, I'm always *forced* to clean my plate, and *heavily* pushed to take seconds. And an appetizer. And dessert. Nobody hesitates a bit to call me emaciated, a twig, barely there...

I was already teetering on the edge of a relapse, and I know that fucking *slimy heap of tapeworms* is going to do me in. French girls don't get fat, right?

DAE have a jealous mom who hinders their weight loss?
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:12:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zo42e/dae_have_a_jealous_mom_who_hinders_their_weight/
Im pissed im trying to lose weight healthy by cutting out dairy and not snacking. Thats fycking it nothing extreme. And it pisses my mom off so much shes like how can you eat oats with water how can you not eat milk etc etc. My 12 year old brother has a bmi of 15 and shes not pissed off on his habits. Its like shes behind me to get me fat. Btw shes overweight and doesnt do shit about it. I feel shes jealous of my self control and btw i dont want to be too skinny. A bmi of 18.5 is my goal and currently my bmi is 21. Anyways im just pissed offff. Hopefully on my trip to my motherland ill lose fucking weight due to diarrhea.

[Discussion] What do you think is the source of your ED?
/u/gatechnightman [5'8" | CW: 130 | GW: 110 | UGW: 100 | Female]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:57:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znyz6/what_do_you_think_is_the_source_of_your_ed/
After being in therapy for years, I’m finally starting to see why I’m anorexic. Both of my parents (and the majority of my entire family) are either EXTREMELY overweight or straight up obese. My parents always fed me a lot as a child, so when I was 12 and got to middle school, I realized how skinny all of my classmates are. And that’s how it started... skipping a few meals, counting calories, eating less than my allowed calories, skipping more meals...

I also use it as a coping mechanism when I can’t self-harm.

What do you think the source of your ED is?

(I’m just curious, some people don’t know the source of their ED yet)

Does anybody else feel consistently nauseous when they restrict even a little?
/u/apricaught [5'3"| CW 129 | GW1 113 | 22F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:51:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znwuv/does_anybody_else_feel_consistently_nauseous_when/
I think it might be acid reflux which is just so shitty since I thought I'd have less of that if I lost weight. Tums don't really help. Also I'm like constantly dehydrated because god forbid my stomach puff up from drinking water. I don't count anymore thanks to treatment but I know I'm definitely eating over 1200.

[Discussion] Anyone else notice their joints cracking more often?
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:50:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znwgo/anyone_else_notice_their_joints_cracking_more/
One of the side effects of restricting I've noticed is that my knees and ankles and every other joint crack much more often when I move. Anyone else?

[Intro] Intro to my life
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:36:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znru1/intro_to_my_life/
I’ve been lurking here for a while and thought I’d actually, you know... actually interact socially with some people for once. I’ll try to cut it a bit short since it’d be way too long otherwise.

So basically, when I was 11 years old I weighed myself after a vacation with my family. I thought I weighed way too much, and my peers would tell me so as well. I’d always been chubby and didn’t really care about it, until that moment. So I downloaded this calorie counting app on my new smartphone, which by the way is the same app that I use today, and set a goal of 1200 calories a day. I didn’t really understand how to count correctly, so I just used the meals that were already in the app, like one serving of chicken etc. I would also eat these weight loss bars that my mom (yeah) would buy for me as a snack I guess. They were easier to count, I still remember that one of those contained 200 calories. So for some reason I started bringing one of those to school everyday and ate one of those instead of the school lunch. This is also the same time as my social phobia started, so I’d just stay in the classroom when everyone else went to the cafeteria and eat my bar alone. Not that I had any friends anyway, people didn’t even notice that I stayed behind. I didn’t really lose much weight at this point, maybe only 3 kilos but people probably thought that I was just growing up and losing my baby chub, finally.

Fast forward 3 years, I changed schools to a bigger one. I noticed immediately that I didn’t fit in. I was fat, I didn’t wear makeup, I didn’t have any friends. And 13 year old me felt so pathetic, I hated myself. So I decided to change. I found the pro ana community on tumblr and even though I never participated in it, I read a lot and found all of these small tricks like chewing gum to curb hunger and punishing myself when I ate too much. I basically lived on dried apricots during this time, lol, I had no knowledge about nutrition or anything and just knew that they were about 20 calories for one piece or something. I lost like 15 kg. I had gotten some friends and felt pretty.

One traumatic experience with a guy, a fucking nobody really, at my school at this time left me broken. I stopped going to classes, stopped going outside, failed school. I wanted to die. I developed mental disorders, became paranoid and had a psychosis for a period of time. I became agoraphobic. I was so fucking stressed out about everything and started eating again. Or binging. I’d always tell myself that tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll restrict. But I never did, and gained like 20 fucking kilos. I didn’t see a future in my little town, so together with one parent I moved far away and broke contact with everyone from my past.

I still struggled in my new town, and I still had all of my mental problems. I started a bunch of medications after basically being forced by my parents. Started at a new school, failed one year, tried again, barely passed. Going from someone who always was talented at school to barely passing really fucked me up. I felt so stupid and suicidal, and had no friends once again. I was fat again too. Fuck. Finished school, went back to sitting at home on my ass everyday again. Didn’t lose any weight, never saw a purpose even trying. I was ruined anyway. This went on for a few years. No life, no anything.

Started from the bottom now we here, still at the fucking bottom. Still almost at the weight that my 11 year old self thought was so disgusting. But this time with bigger tits of course, not that I really care though. I need to lose this weight, I feel like a prisoner in my own body. I need to be skinny again, no matter what. So even after all these years and everything I’ve been through, I’m still as messed up in the head as I was from the beginning. However, this time I’ll make it last and not ruing everything like last time.

This got pretty long anyway, lol. Just thought I’d get this off my chest. Thanks to whoever read all of this.

Making ur lunch like
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:35:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znrs2/making_ur_lunch_like/

[Discussion] DAE use hot sauce to their advantage?
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 121.4 lbs | 30F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:23:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znnt2/dae_use_hot_sauce_to_their_advantage/
Lately, the only way I can keep from eating too quickly (and, ultimately, too much) is by covering everything with Sriracha so that my mouth burns and I have to take breaks between bites for water or diet pop. Anyone else do this? My heartburn is through the roof but it's the only thing that stops be from being a fucking garbage disposal.

Here I Go ...Again.
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:23:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znns9/here_i_go_again/
Ive recently been stuck in this damn binge cycle. Lat night i was sick with a stomach bug so im just using that to jumpstart an all liquid diet. Broths, Coffee with splenda and water.I'm going to try to keep it up until at least Thursday :-) wish me luck. CW: 175.5

[Rant/Rave] fasting complaints
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 putridaffection]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:20:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znmo5/fasting_complaints/
i’m 64 hours into a fast of indeterminate length and it’s not the hunger that’s bothering me, it’s the dizziness and weakness. whenever i stand up my body is like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING and i feel like i’m about to fall over. i added two(!) tbsp of silk vanilla soy creamer to my tea so maybe that will help. i’m just worried about dropping one of my kids tbh

Obsessed with being someone else
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:13:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znke6/obsessed_with_being_someone_else/

[Rant/Rave] I'm disgusted with myself
/u/obama_means_family [Height 5'7" | CW 145.2 | BMI 22.7 | HW 190 | GW 117 ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:13:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znkal/im_disgusted_with_myself/
So my niece and nephews asked for noodles for lunch today. I wasn't gonna eat them (fuck noodles man, not worth it imo) but I try to eat around them so they don't question it -"you made breakfast and lunch but didn't eat with us?" I filled up a small plate and put a little cheese on them and finished it and then decided nope, not worth it, can't keep that in my body, and went to the bathroom to purge. The kids were still eating in the kitchen so I thought it would be okay since that's what I would normally do. I guess my nephew wanted to go to the bathroom tho bc he apparently watched me from the crack in the door and then told his sister :(

I live with my sister (if ya hadn't picked it up from all the family talk) and she CAN'T find out. She was bulimic in her teen years but is recovered now and it would kill her to find out. And if she did there's no way I could talk to her about it bc her body from back then is my goals. I'm actually mad at myself for getting rid of hand me downs of hers in the past bc I thought it would never fit me but if I'd kept it I'd have goal clothes to base it off of rather than just my undoubtedly warped memory.

On the other end of the spectrum I've been completely unable to fast for the last month and a half. I'll go 16 or 20 hours without eating sometimes but I don't count it unless I didn't eat for a full calendar day. I started birth control again but I really want to quit it bc I'm bloated and gained back the last 15ish lbs I lost. I wanted to be another 5-10 down when I move (next Wednesday) and now I'm 20 over :( just fuck me I guess

[Rant/Rave] GAH
/u/mainechick [5'4'' | CW 131 lb | GW 122 | UGW 107]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:12:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znk0l/gah/
Sorry for the uncreative title - it's mildly cathartic. Anyway.

Yesterday I was feeling great. Objectively, I'm fairly accomplished for my age and have worked really hard for a long time for that to be true. Yesterday, I was totally feeling it. Today I feel like a failure.

This morning, I stepped on the scale for the first time in a month and saw that I had gained 10 lbs which is RIDICULOUS like that took me so long to lose and now it's all back. Then in my class this morning I realized that I had left the problem set that was due at home so that's a big fat zero in the gradebook. In the same class, I got back an exam that I thought I had done well on and it turns out I got a C, and I know the math says if I work my ass off I can still get a good grade in the course but it's so discouraging and I just feel terrified of trying really hard and not being able to do any better despite my efforts. Later I got home and the woman who is letting me stay in her apartment this summer in exchange for lawn work (which I should feel grateful for but instead I just feel guilty) told me today that I haven't been doing very well weeding and that I need to put in way more effort with it, which just makes me feel so unbelievably shitty. Finally, my freaking home university had me on financial hold so I couldn't select courses and the deadline to do so was yesterday, BUT TODAY they told me that that was their fault and they had just never gotten around to clearing me to select even though I'm financially caught up, so now I have to try my luck during the add-drop period in the fall and it's not even my fault. I just feel like such a failure and what makes it worse is that I KNOW I shouldn't, but I still do. I wish I could manage to just not react poorly when I feel judged or like someone thinks I'm less than impressive, but instead it just makes me want to get high instead of doing my real work so I don't have to feel worried, which then just gives me the munchies without the anxiety to fight them. Having the urge to give up at all just makes me feel even worse, like I'm even more of a failure because on top of actually doing poorly in life, I can't get over myself and just handle things like a normal human.

Maybe I'm just shouting into the void, but thanks for listening/reading or just giving me a space to vent.

[Other] Got called out yesterday.
/u/lyhndzie [5'5"|HW: 170|CW: eww|UGW: 98| F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:11:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znjov/got_called_out_yesterday/
So I was sitting in my living room yesterday with my husband, and my sister-in-law was in the attached kitchen, putting groceries away. She looks into the living room and talks to me and my husband, J.

“J, please help me eat the turkey lunch meat in the fridge. I don’t want it to go bad. I know Lyhndzie won’t eat it though, I never see you eat.” I told her I do eat, in fact I had just binged on Taco Bell. “No, I never see you eat. I think you’re anorexic.”


I’ve been awake for 24 hours :(
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:10:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znji3/ive_been_awake_for_24_hours/
I have bipolar. My doctor insisted on putting me on a new medication for it which I’ve fought because I don’t want anything that’ll make me gain weight. I finally agreed because I quit my job in a manic episode. He told me I wouldn’t need my current sleeping medicine because this one will knock me out. So he didn’t refill my sleep med. But they haven’t filled it..the pharmacy has sent the prior authorization form over 3 times and I called my doctors office crying like what the fuck am I supposed to do and she said “sometimes our fax machine doesn’t get stuff”. 3 times???? Regardless...this is my life..like I’m so triggered now lack of sleep makes my mood go either way up or way down and it’s way down. The worst part is I kept eating all night. I tried to do small snacks but I kept going back every hour or two and getting another. I’m so bloated now, I’m crying because I haven’t slept and I still have no idea if this medication will be filled.
I’m so fucking sad and all I want to do is stuff my face but every time I eat I can’t stop hearing how bad it is that I’m eating in my head. I have better control of my restriction when I’m on my sleep schedule because I normally wake up at 9am, have a 3 hour interval to eat after 3pm, then no food after 6. Since I haven’t been sleeping right I’ve been awake at night (my hardest time not to binge) so I’m just fucked up right now. I want to smoke pot to chill out but it’ll make me hungry :(

calories online vs on the can?
/u/12416- [5'5.5 | CW 132 | GW 112 ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 11:58:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znf7w/calories_online_vs_on_the_can/
If “creamy tomato with basil” soup from progresso (the reduced sodium kind) says 110 calories per serving on the can, but 130 calories per serving online, what do I count?

[Discussion] DAE ever feel like they “choose” this, that they could eat normally?
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -6 | 21F ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 11:51:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znd1e/dae_ever_feel_like_they_choose_this_that_they/
I know it’s just my disordered brain given that I haven’t eaten more than 1000 calories a day for weeks, but I’m visiting my BF soon and I’m like, “yeah I’m gonna have to eat like everything is fine and eat 1200 at least a day and I can do that.” But yesterday I planned for 878 calories and didn’t even eat everything I planned because I was too full and felt like I was going to puke. So I know it’s just my disordered brain saying “you don’t *really* have a problem, cause you can snap out of it whenever you want” when I know that’s not true and the way I eat isn’t normal. Like an alcoholic that’s in denial and when confronted is like “of course I’m not an alcoholic I binge drink everyday alone cause I want to.” Idk it makes me feel guilty for saying I have an ED and stuff cause I don’t really *feel* like I have one most of the time, even though I can’t even make myself eat 1000 calories.

[Rant/Rave] my recruiter called today...
/u/painxiety [5'5" | 116.5 | 23 F ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 11:28:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zn5ku/my_recruiter_called_today/
ive been working with a navy recruiter for 2 months now to join as an officer. its a long complicated process, but he sounds so hopeful that i will get in. i cant drop below 114 but i feel hopelessly huge and thats only 2.5 pounds away.

ive managed to get in breakfast and lunch today for the first time in weeks. but i feel trapped. i want this career but i also want to find someone and fall in live again and everyone is gonna be way too intimidated by me as a naval officer and a beefy gross sack of lard.

i went to MEPS a month and a half ago and made weight without any problems but i dont know when i'll have to go back. i could always drop weight and try like hell to make weight when i eventually go back?

i have too many things happening at once and i think im gonna lose it.

Created: Tue Jul 17 11:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zn2w4/i_think_my_boyfriend_is_trying_to_ed_one_up_me/
I'm 5' and 134lbs

Hes 6'2 and probably 170lbs at most

He knows i have problems but doesnt fully grasp things.

Im 75% he holds out on eating and gets all of his calories from beer just because he knows i struggle with eating/weight

[Other] Unbelievably excited right now.
/u/lawsoflife [5'5'' | CW: 188 GW: 110 | -23 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 11:13:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zn0iy/unbelievably_excited_right_now/

[Discussion] DAE pick apart their food to make it seem like more?
/u/Flyingpapers [5'1 | CW:130 | BMI: 24.5 | SW:145 | 20 F ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 11:00:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmwcm/dae_pick_apart_their_food_to_make_it_seem_like/
I’ve been doing this since before i even had a diagnosed ED, with burgers and sandwiches I always take them apart so it seems like more food, even with food like chicken nuggets i’ll eat the batter and then the chicken, my family have always found it strange and I just found myself doing it again so i just wanted to know if anyone else does it as well?

I have a consultation with a new therapist tomorrow. Not sure what to do.
/u/physics_chick [5'8" | GW: 118 | CW: yikes | -30 lb | 20F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:52:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmtpy/i_have_a_consultation_with_a_new_therapist/
I just moved back to the city to continue with college and I have my first meeting/consultation with a new therapist Thursday morning. I have to fill out the intake sheet about what symptoms I have before I go. I’m going to mainly for treatment for my depression and anxiety but there are questions about disordered eating too. I don’t want to lie about what’s happening but I don’t know if I actually want to talk about this with anyone yet either. I’m not underweight. I fast and restrict and binge/purge pretty regularly and I EC stack to suppress my appetite. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything and I just don’t know if anything I’m doing is actually severe enough to need treatment. I feel like they’ll probably think I’m just being dramatic. Has anyone had similar experiences?

Rant - Created an account just to vent and babble
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:36:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmot5/rant_created_an_account_just_to_vent_and_babble/
I don't know what to do anymore, no matter what I try, I can't get my life turned around! I broke up with my boyfriend last month due to a variety of issues, including trust issues with him. He needs to grow a spine. However, he still doesn't really leave me alone. He was overall a good guy, but would make comments about my ED and snoop... He tried to be supportive but didn't know how to handle it.

Now that it's over, I am almost at GW, and am liking my job, but I still feel guilty about what I did to him even though it was best for me. But He doesn't want to let go! He's like a lost fucking puppy. At this point I want to be completely free of him but I don't want to destroy his fragile psyche. He needs to move on but can't(which admittedly stokes my latent narcissism a bit lol), I almost feel like hooking him up with someone just to make him let go!

Sorry, I know this is mostly off topic, but I have seen how supportive you can all be. Any advice on what to do? I am afraid that if I keep stressing out about this I am going to stop maintaining and hospitalized myself again...

[Other] sending love to you all
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:33:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmnl1/sending_love_to_you_all/
im having a rough time so i just thought id try and spread some positivity instead. i love this community so much; it feels like home. i love you all. you are all so full of worth. eds suck and none of you deserve to have them and i hope we all get better soon. but for now, know you're all lovely the way you are and id hug any of you if i could n you wanted to♡

Does anyone else get irritated by the stigmas surrounding ED?
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:18:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmj5x/does_anyone_else_get_irritated_by_the_stigmas/
There are a lot of stigmas and assumptions surrounding ED, mental health, and addiction. One of the ones that bother me the most is that you don't have a problem as long as it's not obviously impacting your life of health. As long as it's kept behind closed doors, it's not really a problem. As long as you don't look like you're anorexic, it's not a problem that you skip meals or are losing weight at an unhealthy rate. As long as your depression/anxiety aren't obviously debilitating, you'll get over it. As long as drinking/drug use isn't impacting your daily life, it's totally fine to be a functional alcoholic/addict.

Is it because people don't want to see it or deal with it? Is it that it makes people uncomfortable? I don't understand why coming out and discussing these things or asking for help is looked down upon.

We all have issues, some of us just hide them better than others and secrets keep us sick.

healthy weight loss
/u/smallest_madeline [F 5'1" | CW idk | HW 125 | LW 80| GW 70 🍑 smallest_madeline]
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:12:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmh7v/healthy_weight_loss/
I posted about this on my peach but I am so impressed with people who lose weight in non-disordered ways.

I don't care if it's weight watchers, keto, IF, fasting, CICO, paleo, whole 30, etc. It's just so impressive that they are disciplined enough to be consistent enough to lose weight.

I am in a facebook group for a eating challenge and so many girls have lost between 5-15lbs in the 8 weeks since the challenge has started. I have literally stayed the same (slash gained weight).

They are eating well-balanced healthy meals. They are not purging, bingeing, purging, fasting, working out for 3+ hours, hating themselves, hating life. They have good days and they have bad days but not enough to ruin their progress. I'm just in awe. I could do that too... but lol I'm not going to.

It actually makes me hopeful that when I get to goal weight I can truly maintain it and not feel deprived.

Anyone else motivated and inspired and happy for people who lose weight in non-disordered ways?

I am so glad I came across this sub today.
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:08:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmfoa/i_am_so_glad_i_came_across_this_sub_today/
Today I came across this sub by chance and I am so glad I did. I have just spent some time reading through the top posts and everyone is so warm and supportive and friendly.

I don’t really have anyone to talk to in my real life about my ED and it can feel very lonely.

After reading through some posts on here I got that same kind of feeling you got in school when you would find out your friend hadn’t started their essay yet either. Relief in camaraderie I guess?

But anyway, I just wanted to say hi and I can’t wait to become a part of this supportive community. <3

[Discussion] anyone else obsessed with window shopping food online?
/u/lowkcal [163 cm | CW: 59 kg | GW: 50 kg | UGW: 47 kg | ♀]
Created: Tue Jul 17 09:53:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmazq/anyone_else_obsessed_with_window_shopping_food/
I discovered last summer that you can shop for groceries online, ever since then I've been obsessed with window shopping. it's like a game to me! I give myself challenges (only vegan food, only low calorie food, meal planning for the week etc), or I just browse and look at whats available. and I do this multiple times a day, it's just so fun??? I've discovered so many new food items this way and sometimes I go out and by them irl.
anyone else????

My coworker called me fat
/u/sommefeils [5'2 F | SW: 120lb | CW: 107lb | UGW: 100lb]
Created: Tue Jul 17 09:26:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zm2mv/my_coworker_called_me_fat/
Actually he pointed at a picture from a social event earlier this year and said that I was fatter in that photo and my face was [insert hand motion for bloated].

I'm 5'2 and 110lb atm. In the picture I'm no more than 120lb.

I'm not like DEVASTATED by this comment. We're friends and we joke around a lot, but I was irked that he said this a few times out loud and no one said anything in my defense.

I know it's because I'm technically not fat that it's considered 'okay' for him to say that, but people have called me skinny or told me I need to eat more at the office. I am so sick of the double standard. Because I'm younger and I don't have THE professional office worker demeanor, people think it's okay to comment on my body or monitor my eating habits.

I almost never hear anyone else talking about how skinny or fat someone is, unless they're talking about themselves or general health/diet tips. And most definitely NOT to that person's face.

I told him that it was rude and he couldn't say that to girls (or really anyone for that matter), but he didn't take me seriously.

I might still be bulimic, but I'm 25 now so fuck you on behalf of Younger Me who would have been much more hurt and vulnerable to such comments and on behalf of all people who quietly suffer from eating disorders and intrusive, unwanted comments.

MFP prediction alternative
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:59:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlu56/mfp_prediction_alternative/
I’m sure we all know and love My Fitness Pal. And more importantly, weight prediction after you complete your diary. I cannot express to you guys how much I love that thing.

While it’s honestly super fueling to see that “you’re not eating enough” warning, I neeeeeed to know my weight prediction whether I eat 200 calories, or 20,000.

Does anyone have an alternative that takes any calorie amount into consideration?

Ok well I've been caught
/u/guavvva [5'0 | 95 | babymilf 🍑]
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:44:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlpvu/ok_well_ive_been_caught/
My guy knows my main account so I had to delete all my old posts and make a sPeCiAl account just for here and like, other shit I don't necessarily want him to read.

I feel so violated tho I didn't realize that reddit (especially r/proED) was basically my journal whoops

Recovery and Constipation...
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:44:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlpqs/recovery_and_constipation/
So, I've decided it's time to recover. I've been eating about 1800-2000 for the past few days and I'm.. Well, constipated as fuck. I have like 3 or 4 BMs a day, but they're all those dense, rabbit nugget kinds, and fuck, it hurts. I'm pretty sure I'm drinking enough water (pee is v light) and eating enough fiber (salads, veggies, all fun stuff) and I'm very frustrated. I've tried exercise. Coffee. Massage. Everything I can think of, honestly. I do have a history of infrequent (like 1-2 times a month, max) lax abuse, but I'm not sure that would cause this. Any advice?

[Other] My dream
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:29:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zllix/my_dream/

[Rant/Rave] An eating disorder recovery ad popped up on my Messenger...
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:20:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlisi/an_eating_disorder_recovery_ad_popped_up_on_my/
I’m partially irritated about it, but mostly nervous. I think my worst nightmare is my dad finding out about my ED and forcing me to eat/forcing me to get into a recovery program.

[Other] One meal a day
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:04:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zle5f/one_meal_a_day/
Last year I fasted from 9pm till 5pm the following day, between 5 and 9 I allowed myself one mean and one snack. 800 calories tops. I lasted doing this around 3 weeks before I fell of the wagon, it was satisfying because it felt like a binge if that makes sense. today it’s 15.01 and I haven’t eaten yet and I’m obsessing about doing this again but maybe eating more calories, I dunno.

Anyone else done this? I’ve seen people mention online they do similar but squeeze in like 1500 calories into a few hours.

Me if I was ever in the news
/u/r1cecream- [5'10 | CW: 145 |BMI: 20.8 | WL: 70 | 23M]
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:52:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlauk/me_if_i_was_ever_in_the_news/

[Discussion] If you had one day where calories and money weren't going to cause any issues, what would you eat?
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:50:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlabl/if_you_had_one_day_where_calories_and_money/
[As in, calories wont cause weight gain and money wont be coming out of your own pocket]
I personally would spend the day drowning in cheesy, buttery pasta as well as hummus on toast. Welp.

My unexpected purge
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:50:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zla7h/my_unexpected_purge/
I already managed to shed 20lbs but nobody seems to notice that and so yesterday I planned to cook the salmon that I just recently bought from the grocery and it was relatively cheap but I wasn’t aware that it still has bones in it. And much to my dismay I ended up choking from the very tiny bone from the fish, even if I was very careful separating the bone from the meat. I was panicking because my throat hurts so bad. There wasn’t any bread so I decided to go with water to flush it all out but it was still there. So I ended up inserting my finger down my throat and I ended up vomiting blood and I saw the bits of the fish bone. My throat still hurts at the moment, but i’m afraid to have it checked to a doctor, because of the dumb reason why my throat bled. Just because I wasn’t careful enough, I guess I’ll just resort back to intermittent fasting limited to 400cal.

Longtime lurker, first post. I'm insecure about people's comments on my weight.
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:29:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zl4ij/longtime_lurker_first_post_im_insecure_about/
I recently had a baby and lost all of the baby weight, and more. I'm looking to get to 100 and I'm 115 right now... But everyone I know comments on how thin I've gotten. It makes me insecure because I don't feel thin AT ALL, I feel and look flabby still to me. They will comment it on Facebook even, for everyone to see. I hate it. Is this normal? Why is it socially acceptable to talk about someones weight?

[Discussion] DAE feel uncomfortable when people mention their loss?
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:26:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zl3xr/dae_feel_uncomfortable_when_people_mention_their/
I’m sure it’s not just me, but I get so uncomfortable when people mention how much I’ve lost or basically anything about my weight

Like it feels good on one hand to hear “you’ve gotten so skinny!” Like, it feels really good. There’s such a sense of satisfaction that I’ve lost enough weight for it to actually be noticeable to other people (cuz it sure as hell doesn’t look noticeable to me) But I just don’t know how to respond to that. I just feel really squirmy and uncomfortable and my go to response is usually an awkward “thanks, I try”

I think it’s also a feeling of knowing that these people have recognised the weight loss and they’re probably 100% aware of how big I was before and it makes me, I guess embarrassed?

Anyone else like this?

First ever 24 hour fast
/u/its_freaking_bats [5'7" | CW 128 | BM 20 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:26:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zl3rs/first_ever_24_hour_fast/
I had a huge unplanned binge last night and I am feeling physically awful today. I have had 3 binges this month, 2 of which were unplanned. I usually only allow myself 1 a month but I recently moved to an area with a lot of really delicious and tempting food spots and I have been having a hard time staying in track. So last night as I was sitting on my floor consuming my 3rd sausage McMuffin and 80th donut like some sort of alley rat, I decided to go for a 24 hour fast right after. I know this isn’t a lot for some of you because you have gone longer periods of time without eating, but even though I do heavy restriction, I always eat at some point during the day. This is going to be difficult for me because I work at a food establishment with a lot of temptation, but I am already 11 hours in and I am feeling positive. I guess I am making this post so that it is easier for me to stay accountable and not give into weakness.

I really love this sub for all of the support and love that comes from the community ❤️

[Other] “The only way out is through”
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:02:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkxkl/the_only_way_out_is_through/
The same friend who told me I am going to die also said this. It’s kind of stuck.

[Other] Just happened
Created: Tue Jul 17 06:54:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkvds/just_happened/
My fiance: you can't live off of green tea and rice

Me: watch me

Dammit I just want to enjoy some toast
Created: Tue Jul 17 06:19:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkn0e/dammit_i_just_want_to_enjoy_some_toast/
So I have been torturing myself with the thought of some buttery toast slathered in marmite (don't judge me).

It is all I have been able to think about for over a week. I kept denying myself because calories and panic. On some of those days I binged anyway. But, despite giving into the binges, for some reason my ed brain refused to let me have the toast. I couldn't make it. I couldn't comprehend eating it. I was filled with horror at the thought. Those 2000+ calories I just splurged on are fine but one 200 calorie tiny piece of toast is what will make me gain.

Even when I didn't eat for two days I couldn't eat the fucking toast!!!!

But today I decided to be nice to myself. I want a bit of self care. So I went to the kitchen. I put the bread under the grill. I got my favourite plate. I took the marmite out of the cupboard and inhaled the scent like an addict. Hell, I even got out one of the nice knives. Then I lifted the lid of the butter dish.

My soul fell out through my feet.

My boyfriend had the last of the butter.

I calmly turned off the grill. I picked up the toast. And I threw it at the wall.

After crying on the floor for several minutes, I'm still not sure if I have overreacted.

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday July 17, 2018
Created: Tue Jul 17 06:09:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkknw/thinspo_tuesday_july_17_2018/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 17, 2018
Created: Tue Jul 17 06:09:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkkn2/daily_food_diary_july_17_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for July 17, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] A Friently Reminder
Created: Tue Jul 17 06:09:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkklh/a_friently_reminder/
Friendly reminder not to freak out about sudden weight gains. I ate ~1000 for 2 days, assumed I'd be up a pound or two, was up nearly 8. Flipped my shit. Turns out I was getting the stomach flu and <24 hrs later back to my usual LW.

Life pro tip: Bodies are weird.

Brain Over Binge
Created: Tue Jul 17 05:16:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zk920/brain_over_binge/
I picked this up because I heard rave reviews and was like, fuck it, sure.

Then she gets to how she overcame the urge to binge and...apparently the cure to binging is to just *not* binge!! Just don't do it you weak-willed bitch!

Has anyone else read this book and is there a point to finishing it? Because 'just don't do it' feels like a goddamn waste of the ten bucks it cost.

Anyone got gastritis from their ED?
Created: Tue Jul 17 05:07:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zk794/anyone_got_gastritis_from_their_ed/
From fasting/binging, I have developed pretty bad stomach acid/reflux/gastritis/gastroparesis.
The worst offenders to me are caffeine, chocolate, sodas, YET I'm still drinking diet coke/diet energy drinks althought my stomach hurts every time after that because they numb any appetite and I believe that the caffeine helps in weight loss. Gosh, I'm ruining my health like that and I know it, but still can't stop :(

laxative abuse hell
/u/outofmana_ [5'6"/108.2/17.53/F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 04:01:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zju7s/laxative_abuse_hell/
took some dulcolax (upped dosage to 3), for the third time in 3 weeks, after having gone off of them for like half a year : ( i was even starting to go more regularly, especially after maintaining recovery for almost 2 months this past april. i just hate this. there are people that don’t do this to themselves, and i wish i could just be one of them. physically, i feel miserable. and emotionally, i’m a failure. my ed doesn’t even serve a purpose ... it’s just... erratic eating that doesn’t really make me gain or lose, i’m just unhealthy and unhappy, and abusing food as an emotional tool, like i have abused everything else. i just want things to be okay again.

[Discussion] DAE...
Created: Tue Jul 17 03:31:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zjorw/dae/
Eat an entire pint of ice cream one spoon at a time? At the beginning my plan is always to consume only one spoon but it never fucking works like that. I’ll go back to the freezer 30 times over the course of several hours and eventually finish the pint but with absolutely no satisfaction...

At least it’s Halo Top? FML

Turning 25, marking an entire decade of suffering with an ED.
/u/altruisticshawty [5'9" | CW: 117 | GW: 110]
Created: Tue Jul 17 02:36:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zjf7u/turning_25_marking_an_entire_decade_of_suffering/
First off, I wanted to extend a huge thank you to everyone in this community for being incredibly supportive and relatable. I haven’t found another place on the internet where so many people can talk about habits that are seen as shameful to us in a normal way. It’s incredibly therapeutic and comforting, although I don’t enjoy that all of you suffer with this as well.

My ED started when I was 15, when my parents were going through a nasty divorce. I had a boyfriend at the time who was on the wrestling team, super fit and attractive. I’m 5’9” and was around 138-140lb at the time. He casually made a comment one day that he’d love it if I were super thin, because he’s into skinny girls.

Up until this point I was fairly secure in my weight. I always wished I could eat like my tiny friends and not gain weight, but overall I didn’t have a crisis over it. The mixture of my parents scream-fighting, the stress of their divorce and feeling rejected by this boy triggered something within me and I began losing weight. I’d eat an apple and a few bowls of Rice Krispies with skim milk and run a few miles every day. I dropped down to 120lb, started getting tons of compliments and won the approval of my bf. My mom even congratulated me and asked for tips. I was on top of the world.

I didn’t realize I was unable to stop until I reached 114lb and started feeling weak, fainting in my classes, etc. my parents forced me to get therapy once they noticed my weight loss wasn’t healthy. I ended up going into binge mode during therapy and went up to 156lb, my heaviest. I felt absolutely terrible about myself and felt like I couldn’t survive. I started taking Tramadol, a pain relieving synthetic opiate, to numb the pain. Got addicted, and this lasted until the age of 21.

When I kicked it, I spiraled very fast downhill. I found myself an abusive guy who I quickly married at 20. He was just as controlling as that first boyfriend and was focused on my looks and turning me into some kind of fucked up sex doll. I basically stopped eating for an unknown amount of time and dropped to 104lb. I felt like I was dying and I most likely was. I would lay on the couch all day, blacking out, sleeping, feeling like my body was shutting down.

Since then, I’ve yo-yo’d between 110-130lb. I’ve been between 112-119lb for a year now which is the steadiest I’ve been able to keep it. I know I should get help, this has made my life hell and everyone around me knows that I have a problem. No one confronts me about it anymore because they know it’s a lost cause. I don’t actually want to give it up. I thank the depression for warping my mind enough to think that this is an acceptable way of life.

I guess this is a warning to anyone just falling into this cycle to get help before it’s too late. My mindset and traumas are so deep and detailed that I don’t even care to bother with untangling them anymore. I live in a cycle of drug and alcohol abuse, extreme restriction, body dysmorphia, social anxiety, chew and spit binges, and self hatred. I’m tired all of the time. I’ve had to get 2 teeth pulled already and the enamel on my front teeth is all fucked up. I bruise badly and cuts don’t heal. People still lust over my thinness when I’m at my LW, but I am empty inside.

No friends because I can’t do normal things and have people notice I’m not snacking or eating. Don’t care to embarrass myself anymore.

Save yourself if you can, and get help.

A bit scared
Created: Tue Jul 17 02:29:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zje45/a_bit_scared/
Using my throw up account because I don't want to be judged on other subs 😐
After about a week of eating at maintenance or a bit over yesterday I decided I had to get back to restricting.
I ate two eggs for breakfast and a bit of ice cream for dinner, reaching about ~300 kcal.
I woke up this morning feeling cold and nauseated, I drank some water and that only made it worse.
I went to the bathroom, locked the door, went for the toilet and... I heard my mother calling me and I was on the ground.
This wasn't the first time I passed out but last time I realized it was happening, blurry vision, head spinning.
This time I was standing one moment and on the ground the other.
I stood up, opened the door, and rushed to the sink where I threw up for about a minute.
I am fine now but I don't know if what happened was caused by the restriction or what.
I can understand passing out because of not eating, but throwing up? 😞

(I weighted after eating a bit and I was 2 lbs down from yesterday so... Kinda happy in a fucked kind of way
I'll still try to up my calories a bit for today, maybe aiming for 800-1000)

[Other] tfw you cry over a bowl of macaroni
Created: Tue Jul 17 01:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zj4ne/tfw_you_cry_over_a_bowl_of_macaroni/
long story short my gf found out about my ED and wants me to get help which i 100% understand but i don't think i'm ready

i'm not happy yet i don't think i can stop any time soon and i feel terrible that this just fueled me more because i don't feel like i deserve her help at all (yet? or ever? idk)

i don't even know if i want it which just makes it worse

[Help] Dumped... I wish I could turn off my ED
Created: Tue Jul 17 00:53:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ziwxi/dumped_i_wish_i_could_turn_off_my_ed/
I’m just so unbelievably sad. I forgot how it felt to be rejected, unwanted and unloved. It’s been so long since I’ve been in this much pain.

Last night I went through a somewhat mutual breakup with the first guy that I have let into my life since a very destructive and brutal relationship that ended 3 years ago. He initiated the breakup but I agreed that it was needed and that we weren’t connecting. My ED and obsession with weight and my body was the nail in the coffin, I think. I literally could not turn it off, could not act normal around food and meals with him. He seemed really confused and hurt by me not wanting him to cook for me and things like that, and my obsession with weight loss got annoying I think. It didn’t help that we rarely had sex even though i always wanted it, which really fuelled my body image issues. I’m at a normal BMI and my body is well proportioned I think, and I don’t think I’m ugly, or at least I didn’t until now.

I don’t really know what the point of this is, just reaching out because I feel so utterly alone I guess. A little pity party for myself lol. I have no family because my moms a drug addict and my dads in jail, no extended family, my close friends have all drifted away from me these past few months because theyre busy with SO’s and life, and now I don’t even have this fling that gave me happiness.

I want to spiral... Im trying to lose weight healthily, staying in a healthy BMI, and slowly, but goddamn I cant help but feel like the faster im skinnier the sooner ill be lovable.

[Intro] My journey to drunkorexia [long]
Created: Tue Jul 17 00:22:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zir57/my_journey_to_drunkorexia_long/
How my awful ex roommate added new layers of awfulness to my ED.

Now, I am not saying Morgan was the root cause of my various neuroses (thanks, mom & dad!), but he definitely magnified them.

Let’s start with the my anxiety induced insomnia. I basically have a cumulative 2-3 months out of the year during which I sleep like a normal person. The rest of the time, I stay up all night reading and/or shame spiraling.

Now let’s exacerbate that by living with a guy who has no job or responsibilities and often stays up all night watching television at top volume, leaves every single light on (and screams at you if you turn any of them off, even if he’s not in that room) and heaves his huge body around with the force of a sumo wrestler, just to slice a piece of cheese.

So you go back to taking anti-anxiety medication after stopping for several years. Because you’re showing up to work looking like Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? You need those precious extra ten minutes of sleep, and putting on all your makeup at various stop lights is not a good look.

The reason you stopped taking anxiety meds is due to severe memory lapses. But you need to sleep. You feel like you are fucking dying.

You start losing things. Your $400 wallet. A full bottle of pills (now that’s fun to explain to the new psychiatrist you’re seeing because your job changed health care providers). A set of keys for the rental car you have to get because yours is broken into and being repaired.

Things come to a head when you severely injure yourself while blacked out. You swear off the pills, but now owe about $4,000 in medical bills and miscellaneous expenses.

You’ve always liked your local bar. It’s a laid back place. You start going there directly after work, and staying the whole night. You’re broke, but $1 Jell-O shots and an elderly male clientele trying to woo you with $5 well vodka makes it affordable.

As we all know, alcohol has a lot of calories. You gain a little weight. Not even to the point of someone calling you chubby, but Morgan notices. Morgans can smell weakness.

One day Morgan asks you how tall you are. You reply that you’re 5’9. He then asks how much you weigh. Weird question, but ok. You say you’re not sure. Last time you weighed yourself you were about 135.

“Well, you’re definitely more than that now. Lucky that you’re tall.”


Morgan is about 6 foot, 300-350 lbs. Also, who the fuck says that to someone?

I have anorexic / ED tendencies, but I fly under the radar because I’ve never been blatantly underweight. I do not have dysmorphia, but I have been known to burst into tears in a fast food restaurant or to use cocaine as an appetite suppressant because I’m attending a food related function.

So I become a drunkorexic. Taking in about 1000 calories a day, most of them being alcohol.

Since Morgan was an extreme slob, the kitchen was filthy and the fridge was always full of rotten food. I saw this as a plus and literally did not buy groceries for almost a year. Basically I got pho at a place up the road every other day, or a slice of pizza off another bar patron if I really wanted to treat myself.

Things started to look up once I met my boyfriend and my lease ended. He invited me to live with him, and since I had a kitchen to cook in finally, I was more excited to engage in my favorite hobby than worried about calories and visible hipbones.

Then around Christmas time my father had three debilitating strokes and my mother died. I quit my (admittedly awful) job and spent 2 months in bed with my phone shut off. The next few months I was semi-functional, but just barely.

Naturally, near complete inactivity interspersed with occasional drinking leads to weight gain.

Once I snapped out of my depression, I realized I weighed about 169 lbs and lost it.

I’m now back on the cycle of drunkorexia. Down 20 lbs in 2 months. I’m sure it’d be a lot more if it wasn’t for alcohol, but that bar has become literally the only thing I do.

On the bright side, I got called up on stage one night because I was giving the comedy host a (good natured) hard time. I ended up talking / joking a lot about my ED and it was therapeutic.

I’ve actually been invited to do a paid, “professional” spot and I think maybe it’ll become a new, healthy outlet for my crazy.

Still have another 20 lbs to go, but I’m hoping that once I get there that I’m in the right headspace to know what’s enough and to maintain healthily.

[Progress picture](https://imgur.com/gallery/KBUVMTw)

[Rant/Rave] i want to be the smallest
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 00:10:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ziot0/i_want_to_be_the_smallest/
there’s a new girl at work who is literally tiny. like i used to be the smallest girl at work which is why i was generally okay with eating and the like at work. now there’s a new girl on grill who is so fucking small and precious i want to cry. i feel like a horrible person but i genuinely don’t like working with her because of how self conscious she makes me.

the guy i think i like(he doesn’t know i like him) joked about messing with her in the future after he mentioned how he’s FWB with a different girl at work and i wanted to sink into the ground. i hate myself for being so jealous of her and i want to be smaller. i ordered cookies and then she clocked in and now i’m staring at them and resisting the urge to toss them in the garbage.

[Discussion] I could totally snap my collarbones
/u/kernalmustache [5'7" ♀ | CW 100lbs | BMI 15.9 | SW 130lbs]
Created: Mon Jul 16 23:39:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ziik4/i_could_totally_snap_my_collarbones/
So, I'm sitting here, right? Grabbed my collarbone. It's way easier to grab than it used to be. I realized, if it wasn't for my brain protecting me from the idiot I am I could totally snap my collarbones in half. Kinda like how you could bite off your own finger with the same force it takes to bite a carrot but you mentally can't do it to yourself.

[Rant/Rave] my best friend is so insensitive about my ed
/u/wetbookshelf [5’3 | CW: 95 lbs | BMI: 17.26 | GW: idk skinnier]
Created: Mon Jul 16 23:28:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zigfz/my_best_friend_is_so_insensitive_about_my_ed/
i normally don’t have serious conversations with her because she just sucks at them. but i was just worried about myself i guess and i didn’t really know who else to talk to so i just ranted to her and told her about how i was worried my parents were going to find out and how i was worried because i weigh so little (~92 lbs atm) but how i also didnt want to gain any weight and eating just makes me feel like shit in general.
i didnt really expect advice bc i know she’s definitely not qualified there, but she responded with “i don’t know how to help because i know there’s nothing anyone can really say to make you change how you see yourself. it’s all you. i’ve been where you are” which is just total bullshit for lots of reasons. and i said yeah i know im just worried im gonna hurt myself
and she just started telling me how she “fixed herself” by telling herself she looked fine the way she was an that it was hard but it worked for her. and so i asked if she’d ever had an eating disorder bc i knew she sort of had body issues and she posts on her finsta sometimes about wanting to be skinnier or do water fasts or whatever.
and she just said “yeah but it wasnt nearly as bad, my mom noticed right away and wouldnt let me leave til i ate”
which i guess im in no position to judge how *bad* someone elses eating disorder was but it sounds to me if it was that easy to fix then she was probably never in that mindset anyway.
anyway then i was telling her how i cant eat normally at all and how i wish i could and she just told me i need to “eat more veggies”
it just seems like she thinks this is all in my head and all i need to do to fix myself is tell myself i look okay and its so much more than that and she just doesnt understand but maybe im being unreasonable i dont know

A post-binge limerick
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | CW oops | GW 93lbs | 🍑 inconceivable ]
Created: Mon Jul 16 23:16:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zie3b/a_postbinge_limerick/
There once was a girl named Christine

A Kashi Crunch scarfing machine

For false advertising

She sued them, realizing

Twelve bowls did not make her “Go Lean”

A post-binge limerick
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | CW oops | GW 93lbs | 🍑 inconceivable ]
Created: Mon Jul 16 23:15:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ziduh/a_postbinge_limerick/
There once was a girl named Christine
A "Kashi Crunch!" scarfing machine
For false advertising
She sued them, realizing
Twelve bowls did not make her “Go Lean”

[Rant/Rave] Im literally crying over calories
/u/doublecouponn [5'2 | CW wailord | GW 112 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 22:46:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zi7mw/im_literally_crying_over_calories/
Theres a weight loss competition going on at work and its super triggering for me.
My friend knew i was “feeling down” so she got me a thin crust pizza. I asked her to send me the calories because im doing the weight loss competition for work (im not) and saw it was it my range. Great!
I ate a few slices and decided to put it in when i notice she put the wrong size and not all the toppings... so now i ate a bunch of extra calories and I’m so upset.

I hate food so much. Every day i feel like i hate it more and more. I just wanted to rant.

[Discussion] DAE ruin their gag reflex with drugs
/u/burnerrrrrrrrrrr [6’2 | 138 | 16.8 | -12 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 22:32:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zi4lh/dae_ruin_their_gag_reflex_with_drugs/
So suuuuuuuuuper niche but, I used to purge when I binged something stupid and knew I could easily reverse it. Like that family size bag of chips I finished in 5 min? It was practically fighting its way up, no problem.

But after using heroin for a few years (that’s behind me, thx Jesus) I think the constant puking ruined my gag reflex. I gag, but the stomach contractions just.... aren’t there?

It’s definitely for the best, just unexpected.

Is it possible to lose 10lbs in a month?
Created: Mon Jul 16 22:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zi46q/is_it_possible_to_lose_10lbs_in_a_month/
Currently I’m 5’5 146lbs and want to lose 10lbs by holidays in a month. Do you think this is possible and please any helpful suggestions! Currently I cannot exercise though as I dislocated my knee a couple months ago. I can walk though so I do intend on getting my 10,000 steps each day.

I am thinking 1000-1100 cal a day won’t be impossible and it’s only short term so not a huge deal. What are some filling low cal foods that will fill my vitamin/nutrient requirements?

[Discussion] DAE get sorta anxious when someone points out your weight loss?
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:29:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhq8l/dae_get_sorta_anxious_when_someone_points_out/
Recently went to a family gathering and literally every other conversation with certain people was about my weight loss. Like, are they on to me? Is it genuine compliment? Are they on the low calling me fat? I dont know!!!!

I also have anxiety so it might just be that acting up but god damn

Does anyone experience sit bone pain?
/u/bashytr0n [5'2"|90lbs|17.1| GW 40kg/88lbs | LW 35kg/77lbs]
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:28:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhq44/does_anyone_experience_sit_bone_pain/
Lately ive been getting really sore in my...inner buttcheek i guess? Its worse on one side than the other and is worsened when sitting for long periods of time in the same position. Ive been sitting on a pillow which has helped a bit but im just trying to locate the cause of this because its quite annoying and is affecting my flexibility.

I don't know if ive pulled a muscle or something or if its caused by pressure from the pelvic bone or what? Does anyone else get this and is it preventable?

[Discussion] DAE keep a running tally of their deficit?
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:27:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhpo7/dae_keep_a_running_tally_of_their_deficit/
I'm currently fasting so of course the numbers on the scale are dropping really fast, but I'm logging my deficit (as determined by my fitbit) to gauge my actual fat loss. Right now I'm just under 2lbs in 3 days. I try to do this when normally restricting, too. Anyone else?

[Help] Fasting buddy?
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:13:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhm5n/fasting_buddy/

Mad at myself for eating strawberries
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:13:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhm5f/mad_at_myself_for_eating_strawberries/
I was going to weigh myself this morning for the first time in a little while, but it's 4am and I've just eaten what equates to about a pound of strawberries.

Why didn't I weigh myself first :(

[Rant/Rave] Cheesy bread.
/u/rougoku [5'7" | CW: 136 & BMI: 21 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:08:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhkzi/cheesy_bread/
My boyfriend works at a pizza place and in a moment of weakness and hunger, I called him an hour ago and asked him to bring me some cheesy bread home. Now I’m torn between calling him back and telling him to forget it, or binging on it when he gets here.

Such a difficult decision...

[Rant/Rave] Big Boned
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhivx/big_boned/
My treatment team told me that I am “big boned and have a large frame”. They told me to stop losing weight even though I’m overweight because BMI isn’t an accurate measure for someone who is naturally large and I don’t look overweight. I’ve never wanted to restrict more in my life than I do right now. So, now I know... I’m destined to either look fat and gross or emaciated and gross. FML

[Rant/Rave] Purged for the first time in 2 years
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:49:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhfzs/purged_for_the_first_time_in_2_years/
Welp. I self-recovered from Bulimia two years ago. Tried the whole healthy eating thing. Normal sized portions. Things in moderation. Working out 5 days a week. Etc. My friend had a bachelorette party about a month ago. I was the curvy one in the group—literally all these girls were tall skinny model types. And I was 5’4 134 and lots of muscle so not even that big—but looking at pictures God I felt like I stood out. It crashed my mental health *hard.*

Came back from the trip and immediately starting restricting. It built up until last week when I fasted for about 50 hours until I got so dizzy I felt like I was gonna pass out. After that I was fine on like <300 calories a day. I lost 5 lbs.

I’m on a big family vacation right now, and it’s throwing me all over the place. Yesterday wasn’t too bad, although I snacked last night way later than I should have (usually I IF 2-8pm). Today they had a huge potluck. Fuck me. I said I was going to eat only healthy things and I definitely didn’t. I snacked on so many different things. Pasta, buffalo chicken, fried chicken, 7 layer dip, pigs in a blankets, a cookie, a cupcake....TBH it was pretty small portions of everything, like a spoonful or two of each thing so it probably wasn’t even that terrible...but omg I felt disgusting. I sat there for a second. Thought about how gross I felt and how all my progress last week was ruined, and then went straight upstairs to the bathroom and threw up as much as I could. It was *so* easy. Like riding a bike. I don’t even feel bad about it.

I do feel bad that I came back and snacked on more chips and dip and had 4 s’mores. So. I guess today is a binge day.

Tomorrow I’ll try to be better. Ugh. I was doing so well and this trip is totally fucking me up. I miss feeling light and dizzy.

[Other] Back again ugh
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhd4w/back_again_ugh/
My parents noticed I was losing weight around may and took me to the doctor multiple times. I was basically forced to “recover” on my own. They didn’t find out it was me restricting food bc they thought it was just stress from school lol. I never actually recovered obviously I just gained weight and went from 108 to 123 K M SSSSSS. Anyways I’m trying to lose it bc now I’m heavier than I’ve ever been in my life and I hate myself.

[Discussion] DAE avoid the doctor because you haven’t lost enough / your behaviours aren’t life-threatening?
/u/TreatmentTime [5'9 | 135 | 19.9 | -28]
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:34:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhc9b/dae_avoid_the_doctor_because_you_havent_lost/
I last saw my PCP at the end of May because my ED therapist was mandating I get labs and vitals done every two weeks. At the time, I’d just moved and started a new job and the stress of it all had me restricting fluids and B/Ping multiple times a day. Happy Scale says I was around ~140.5 at the time, but dehydration got me down to 138 for my weigh in with her, fully clothed. My blood work was pretty poor, and I narrowly avoided an ER trip.

Things were *a lot* better in June. I rehydrated, ate just under maintenance, and cut back to purging two or three times a week, which was a huge quality of life increase but quartered how quickly I was losing weight.

I had a bad experience at a bar shortly after that appointment, and it’s caused some PTSD nightmares to flare up again. I was previously was prescribed a medication that basically eliminated the dreams, and I’d love to get a prescription for it again…but I’ve “only” lost 4 pounds (7 if you count dehydration weight!) in the six weeks since I saw her, and haven’t been purging so much that blood work will come back poorly.

I feel that since I’m not losing quickly, and not purging daily, she’s going to think I’m a hypochondriac faking my ED or demonstrating drug seeking behaviour, and so I’ve been neglecting to schedule an appointment.

Can anyone relate?

[Other] This unbelievably skinny girl 😍😍😍
/u/LiteralMangina [5’7 | 98lbs | 15.3 | -27 | F(23)]
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:29:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhb4f/this_unbelievably_skinny_girl/

Binged and feel gross...
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:27:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhajy/binged_and_feel_gross/
I binged tonight for the first time in weeks and I feel awful because I can't go to the gym now or my SO will question why I'm leaving so late. I'm just so disgusted with how fat I am and how far I have to go. Plus I promised to go to the gym tomorrow with a friend so I'm going to have to slow down for her, which is just adding to my anxiety. I just needed to get this off my chest, I think I'll just have to restrict extra hard tomorrow.

[Rant/Rave] Why am i this way holy shit
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zh7p3/why_am_i_this_way_holy_shit/
I ate like a hundred and fifty calories today (mostly Halo top) and I'm crying on my couch trying to decide if it should just go to sleep (it's only 7pm ) to forget what a fucking failure I feel like. I've been majorly restricting/fasting for like a week and yet I still feel like such a monumental piece of shit. It's never enough. I just want to be thinner. I just want to the happier. I just want my life back.

[Tip] target’s low cal ice cream
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:06:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zh58t/targets_low_cal_ice_cream/
target launched it’s own version of halo top and dude, it’s 5/5 on yelp if you ask me. it’s cheaper than halo top ($3.50) and it tastes just as good, if not better. i’m eating the chocolate peanut butter pint right now and there are actual big gobs of pb in there!! all pints are <380 calories and they have cool new flavors like cinnamon ice cream with mini donuts. thought i’d share!!!

(it’s sad how excited i get about low cal ice cream 🤷🏼‍♀️)

[Discussion] dae not have body dysmorphia?
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:59:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zh3gk/dae_not_have_body_dysmorphia/
like obviously i think im fat and have shitty self esteem but i actually am as fat as i think i am, and i have measurements to prove it. plus i have the occasional good day where i think my body isn't that gross and reaching my goals is a possiblilty. but whatever the point of this post is that everybody on this sub seems to have bdd and idk i guess i'm curious to see if theres anyone out there like me

[Help] Why shouldn't I chew and spit?
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:56:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zh2mo/why_shouldnt_i_chew_and_spit/
It's a gross habit, I know. I don't feel great about it and I'd never do it in public or in front of people. It's really only with a certain few high calorie foods that I just can't resist. I know it's potentially bad for my oral hygiene and can do bad things by making my stomach produce whatever in expectation for food.

But, I was wondering, is it so bad if I eat SOME of whatever and chew and spit some of it? So my stomach is getting food, but less than the quantity I'm chewing? (Like, if I swallow 25-50% of a burrito and spit the rest out?)

Looking for facts about chew/spit health problems and ways forward with harm reduction. (I'm not quite ready to quit it yet, but I don't want to fuck myself over forever.)

I want to recover but I'm scared of getting diabetes
/u/tinyfleabite [5'2.5|91 lbs|17| I don't eat I photosynthesise]
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:50:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zh1aa/i_want_to_recover_but_im_scared_of_getting/
We have a family history of Type 2 Diabetes, and most of my family wasn't even overweight when they were diagnosed. I'm at a BMI of 17 right now, 16.5 on the old scale. I hate this so much I can't even sleep on my back anymore because my spine digs into the bed and I honestly want to gain a bit. Maybe up to 100lbs. Not more than that. But I'm scared that I'm going to get diabetes because it runs in my family so much. My diet's shit, all carbs and sugar. Is this irrational? I'm so sorry, I'm scared that if I don't stay in the 17 BMIs I'll get diabetes. And my stomach is flat, but it's kind of big, which is a sign of insulin resistance.

[Rant/Rave] No deficit is ever enough.
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:38:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgyab/no_deficit_is_ever_enough/
I hate it. No matter how high my TDEE is and how little I take in, the deficit is never enough. It doesn't matter if I'm netting -1000 or -2000 or anything. It's never as much of a burn as I want. It's never satisfying. It doesn't matter if I fast all day or eat as little as possible on eat higher but still in deficit. Nothing is enough.

I'm so upset right now lol. I haven't binged and I think I'll be fine the rest of the night and my deficit would sound high to my friends but it's not enough for me. I just want all of this off me right now.

[Discussion] what was your bmi at the beginning of your ed?
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:34:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgx7p/what_was_your_bmi_at_the_beginning_of_your_ed/
mine was 22.5

i’ve eaten.
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:31:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgwj7/ive_eaten/
i’ve eaten. yesterday, i ate a big ass lasagna slice PLUS dessert! and for lunch i ate a subway sub (about 558 cals) and burned all the calories off by walking like 5 and a half miles, but right now i just ate some more lasagna (1 and a half slice) and a scoop of fucking ICECREAM! i cant purge them out cause i’m supervise after meals! i feel like a fucking failure! wtf is up with me! i’ve literally been eating so much i’m so done with myself.

I was 4 hours away from my week badge for not binging!!
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:31:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgwet/i_was_4_hours_away_from_my_week_badge_for_not/

guess what i found out after c/s-ing a whole bag of potato chips :))
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | CW: 183 | HW: 234 | LW: 170 | GW: 115 | 15F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:21:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgu1g/guess_what_i_found_out_after_csing_a_whole_bag_of/
out of nowhere my mom "reminds" me (reminds in quotation marks bc she never told me) that i have a dentist appointment tomorrow loll.

[Rant/Rave] Recovered for about a year and then triggered by family- the normal story.
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:15:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgshc/recovered_for_about_a_year_and_then_triggered_by/
I have had an eating disorder since I was little, my parents used to hide junk food from my brother and I, so whenever I would get any I would binge way too hard. Thats where I truly believe all of this started. Obviously combined with the snide remarks on appearance from my classmates since I was like 5.

In high school, my anorexic tendencies shown through and I weighed a whopping 117 pounds at 5’6”. Then as high school continued and depression soared, my BED became prevalent once again. And now, I am 190 pounds.

I hate myself. A lot. But I’m not even motivated by that anymore, my desire to be smaller and hate myself less.

My mom and grandma were both incredibly overweight (where I am headed if I don’t get control now) and then they both got a gastric sleeve and now they are smaller than me. Seeing them is my biggest trigger. How are they so small?? Like okay, I know HOW. But ugh. I begged and pleaded for my mom to let me have the surgery too but NOOOO she says. I’m just so lost and upset that I’m the youngest and the fattest and it’s my fuel. I won’t eat more than 1000 calories. I won’t sit on my ass. I don’t deserve food. I don’t deserve it.

[Discussion] How old were you when you started noticing weight?
/u/jklikes [5'3'' | CW: 113 | GW: 100 | BMI: 20|]
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:10:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgrf2/how_old_were_you_when_you_started_noticing_weight/
Trigger warning. Answer in comments.

Having a really hard time restricting :(
/u/averybluebitch [19f | 5'4 | CW: 52.4 kg | UGW: 48kg | 19.8]
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:57:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgnt3/having_a_really_hard_time_restricting/
When I reached my first GW, I decided to up my intake to around 1200kcal until I got to my UGW, when I'd maintain. I've since changed my mind and wanted to get to 50kg before my next semester started (second week of august), but I just *cannot* eat less than 1000! I've actually been eating at maintenance the past few days, ugh. There's no self control left in me. Do any of you guys have any tips on how to fix that? I've seen people suggesting lowering gradually until reaching my desired intake, but idk if I can even manage that.

[Help] Tips
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgjos/tips/
I was severely bulimic throughout high school and when I started college I had to stop because of my roommate situation and living in a dorm. I gained a lot of weight and now I’m in an apartment so I’m trying to restrict and then binge/purge at the end of the day or just totally be anorexic. Any tips on how to get myself back into it?

what do you watch or do to stop yourself from binging?
/u/tinygrl22 [5'1 | CW: 107lbs | 20.2 | 19F |]
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:30:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zggok/what_do_you_watch_or_do_to_stop_yourself_from/
what do you do to prevent yourself from binging? this sub helps me and also just reminding myself of my goal and how soon i can be there. what else is there?

[Help] I'm eating 800 calories a day and gaining. I just don't get it.
/u/Highoffempty [5'9|CW: 143.3 | GW: 120 | UGW: 106 |Lbs lost: 16.7]
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:27:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgfza/im_eating_800_calories_a_day_and_gaining_i_just/
I have been eating around 800 calories for a while now. My TDEE is about 1800. I'm not losing anymore. Instead, the scale keeps going up!! It's infuriating. I weigh once a week and the scale goes up.

I just don't know what to do? I was staying at 800 so I didn't lose hair. Go to 500? Stick it out at 800? Fast?

I'm so discouraged and upset and I just would like some advice. I have no idea what's going on.

Success in controlling a binge/Bad mental health day
/u/USSNerdinator [5'1" | 205lbs | 38.8 | 35lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgbhe/success_in_controlling_a_bingebad_mental_health/
So today I was having a bad mental day, as one does, and pretty much wanted to eat a crap ton of food this afternoon (binge). Good news is I didn't eat near as much as I wanted to, bad news is I probably drank a liter and a half of diet coke. Sure, the diet is probably better for me than if it had been regular coke but eh, still not exactly healthy. I've been meticulously logging my food and I've been successfully losing needed weight while adding much needed strength training and cardio. I'm still struggling with periods of "fuck it, I wanna eat everything" countered with "I shouldn't eat much today, can I count a bowl of strawberries as lunch?" I keep trying to remind myself that bodies do need fuel to function. It's rough. When I eat, sometimes I still call myself a fatass for eating a moderate amount of food. Caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror out today. I hate that what I feel like I should look like doesn't match what I do look like at all. I've got to stop blaming myself every time I emotionally overeat though. I know why I overeat though (when you feel empty, you want to feel full of something). Why I then turn around and blame/shame myself is beyond me. Getting back into therapy soon. Hopefully I can work some of this out.

[Discussion] do you guys work out?
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:02:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zg8y2/do_you_guys_work_out/
Do you work out? If so what do you guys do and how often? I’m mostly walking around ~2-3 miles from work per day so I’m getting some cardio in my day. I just want to get rid of the pouch area in my tummy. Any recommendations?

[Rant/Rave] Love watching shows about fat people, especially supersize vs superskinny
/u/Bleepbloopbroke [65|CW 121.4|GW 110|UGW 84|20.44|]
Created: Mon Jul 16 17:39:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zg2zd/love_watching_shows_about_fat_people_especially/
I'm obsessed with watching shows on YouTube about fat people. I calculate their BMRs and try to figure out how fast they could lose if they had an ed. Idk it helps keep me motivated because I can't imagine being that big.

Anyway on to supersize vs superskinny. Does anyone else think the "superskinny" people look pretty normal/healthy? Like for the most part I still want to be much thinner than they are. And seeing the reactions of the supersize people it seems so fake. Like they're not that small?

Idk sorry. Just a rant

[Other] “You’re going to die”
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Mon Jul 16 17:01:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfsjm/youre_going_to_die/
- the words of someone who loves me and would never lie.

[Rant/Rave] Why do I keep sabotaging myself
/u/shonamairead [5'6 | CW - 151lbs | GW - 120| F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:59:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfs3a/why_do_i_keep_sabotaging_myself/
I’ve been restricting so well for the past week eating an average of 700cal a day and tonight I went on a 3 and a half mile walk and I got home and my brain just went ‘time to eat!’ And I just ate like half a 360g box of malteasers and a 450 calorie sandwich and now I hate myself

[Rant/Rave] All or nothing...
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:56:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfraq/all_or_nothing/
So, like some of you, I'm a very all or nothing person. I'll either eat nothing all day or binge. I've started off my day with a coffee with cream and sugar, and now I'm so close to eating everything in sight. I know my day won't be ruined if I just keep everything else down, but at 9am I already feel like I've ruined it.

Any words of advice??

Possibly relatable but mostly just me being messed up??
/u/strawstring [5'10 | CW ugh | -40kg | 21F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:49:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfp9e/possibly_relatable_but_mostly_just_me_being/
Hit a LW. Binge (and p) and ruin it. Get back down over a few days, get weak from restriction, tell myself I'm gonna do this ~healthily~ and grocery shop for the week buying fresh veggies, fruit, even dark chocolate because treat yourself!! Have one awesome day, feel on top of the world, get period :)))

Tell myself it's just water weight/bloat but subconsciously lose all control and eat breakfast which leads to eating candy which leads to a huge b/p sesh (or insert destructive behavior here) and now want to fast all week but I have $25 worth of food that will go bad if I don't eat it. Spend the next few hours planning out how I can waste the least food and still somehow eat as little as possible.

Get high, go to bed, repeat!

(Extra fun because I started my binge at work and felt so awful that I had to take half a sick day but continued to buy food and eat after getting home)

God bless ranch dressing
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:44:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfnxs/god_bless_ranch_dressing/
I’m in LOVE with Bolthouse Farms “Cucumber Yogurt” ranch dip. Two tablespoons of creamy goodness for only 35 calories 😭. I hate how olive oil is so high in calories because I love vinaigrette dressing on salads....but this new yogurt dressing is the shit.

People Noticed my weight loss....while I was at a plateau?
/u/im-nobody-too [CW: 116 lbs| GW: Maintain don't gain|26f]
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:33:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfkyk/people_noticed_my_weight_losswhile_i_was_at_a/
Has this ever happened to anyone else?

I've had an eating disorder for quite a few years, so I have a lot of older friends who know about it and remember when I was at my lowest weight. But I've been fairly stable at a healthy weight for the last 2-3 years, so even though I've had relapses every now and then and definitely struggled with body image, most of my co-workers and newer friends have no idea.

Well, this past Winter/Spring, I had the kind of relapse that I lost weight but it was slow, so people didn't really notice. I went from about 120 to just under 110 in about 4 months. I can kind of see the difference, and my doctor told me that I need to watch that it doesn't get out of control, but no one else said anything until this past month. And even at first, it was just two people that both already knew about my ed, so it was pretty easy to explain that I'd relapsed a little but I'm okay now.

My weight has stayed pretty much the same for about a month now, and I'm feeling crummy about it because I've felt so tired and worn down, like I SHOULD be losing. And now a few of my co-workers are starting to notice and telling me that I need to eat and that they're worried about me. It's upsetting me because I want to make them stop worrying, but I can't eat more when I'm not even losing weight, and it's so hard to act like I'm fine when I feel so tired.

Right now I'm eating 1200-1500 calories a day, so it makes sense that I'm not really losing. I know this is so crazy, but I'm actually really triggered by peoples concern. Like I want to lose a lot of weight and be REALLY sick so that I deserve the attention.

[Discussion] ED and Intellect
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 85lbs | 16ish | -?lbs | f]
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfgzp/ed_and_intellect/
I have a strained relationship with my self-image, and a lot of that results form my simply being, well, not the sharpest tool in the shed. High school drop out. Can't handle basic math. Unable to follow instructions no matter how clearly they may be stated. Can't drive. Can't cook. Info goes in one ear and straight out the other.

That, combined with my ED, leaves me as this sort of ditzy dumb skinny bimbo type. The petite, airheaded, vapid girl who thinks more about hair, chasing dick, and her aesthetic blog than anything else. It's an image I can live with.

But because i'm so totally lacking mentally and have nothing even resembling a real personality i feel like i have to maintain my body as basically an excuse. I couldn't stand to be dumb *and* boring *and* fat so instead i've settled into this silly role.

How does your ED influence (or is influenced by) book smarts?

[Rant/Rave] caught my boyfriend cheating on me with someone skinnier
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:06:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfd1w/caught_my_boyfriend_cheating_on_me_with_someone/
aaaaaand time to starve

[Discussion] Anyone else on Mirtazapine (Remeron)?
/u/tobethinspo [5'0 (153.3 cm) | CW: 96.8 lbs | 19.62]
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:58:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfaxk/anyone_else_on_mirtazapine_remeron/
I've been on Remeron for a while (like a year) for sleep. Can't sleep without it 😕 for those of you who don't know, it's notorious for causing the munches/weight gain. I'm pretty used to dealing with it now, but it was tough at first.

Anyways just wondering if anyone else here is on it? How do you deal with the munchies? Did you gain weight from it? What's your experience?

[Help] Been eating. Feel sick.
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:55:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfa26/been_eating_feel_sick/
So.... Since October I've gone from 165 to 113 (at lowest. Today I'm 116 but whateva) been eating 300-600 calories a day-ish.

So this last week.... I dunno why but I just fucking ate. I just ate all the things I fed my family... Supper. Snacks. All the things. Like. Not over eating... Just eating. You know? For the first time in a long time. That should be awesome! And I should be happy about it maybe... Except that I gained 3 pounds. But that's not even the problem.

I feel sick to my stomach. This whole week I just feel sick... Nauseated. Pukey. Heart burn. Is that normal? Has my body forgotten what its supposed to do? Is this psychological? Maybe its a manifestation of my self hatred. I don't even know. So I haven't eaten today cause I'm tired of feeling queezy.

Does this happen to you?

[Discussion] DAE buy something that they can grow/shrink into as motivation/a milestone?
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:54:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf9sf/dae_buy_something_that_they_can_growshrink_into/
I just bought a pair of shorts and a skirt that I would never usually wear without tights but since it's summer I'll be wearing less tights. They're a motivation to lose weight around my legs as they're where I have a lot of fat.
Does anyone else do stuff like this or am I being weird?

[Help] Trying not to reach a new low
/u/CharlieJScarper [5'1/2" | 96lbs | 18.3 | FTM:cat_blep:]
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:54:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf9km/trying_not_to_reach_a_new_low/
I don't know what to do. As of today I am a week purge free and it's been two weeks since I ate over 1000 a day (staying below 800 most days), but I had a really hard day today. I met up with a friend and it made me realise how many people I miss so desperately with no chance to get them back. It feels like I'm losing control of everything in my life except my eating and I don't want to be alone.

I made cupcakes this morning for my family and I'm staring at them now. I've never done chewwing and spitting before but the thought is in my head and it wont leave, it's like my mind is screaming at me to do it but I don't want to hit that new low. I just want to feel okay and safe and not alone.

I write ed poems, too
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:51:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf8um/i_write_ed_poems_too/
I turned this one into a song earlier :')

Ugly as the sins that stain my hands
Ignorant as a choir of "I understand"
Comfort in the chaos of repetition
Failure in the process of my mission

It's so ugly I can't stand it
It hurts so bad that I command it
It's so ugly can I be candid
It hurts so bad and I'm stranded

I'm not on fire this is just how I clean
Burning to ashes amidst daily routine
Dirty as the ground on which my dust lands
Funny as the crowd chuckling to my dead pan

I'm so ugly I can't stand it
It hurts so bad no one reprimands it
We're so ugly can I be candid
It hurts so bad and we're stranded

Anyone else not exercise and still reach their UGW?
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf7l8/anyone_else_not_exercise_and_still_reach_their_ugw/
I'm unable to exercise for several reasons (hopefully in about 6-8 weeks I can start some after I move) and I just feel like it's never going to happen...

[Rant/Rave] A tale of two boyfriends
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:42:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf62i/a_tale_of_two_boyfriends/
In my life I have had two boyfriends. J I was with 17-20 and K I was with 21-22. K and I broke up a few months ago. Both of them have had a huge effect on me as a person but they were complete and polar opposites to each other in how they effected me.

When I met J I was 17 and had very low self esteem. We had so much in common and instantly clicked. When I went to uni about 3 hours away at 18, we stayed together. He was a year older but had been working dead end jobs at home. He always made me feel so good about myself, and when I was with him I felt so secure and loved. The issues in our relationship were his poor money management and lack of ambition. I'm not a snob, I know some people are happy in retail etc but he was lazy and it meant that it was hard for him to keep a job for long periods of time. So with J I always felt good about myself but his laziness and lack of ambition had leeched onto me slightly, and because of him I was doing worse in uni than I wanted. After 3.5 years he then broke up with me for another girl which shattered my world and made me feel horrific about myself. I think post breakup this was the lowest I've ever been, and this was when my issues with food developed from manageable but a bit shit into a full blown eating disorder.

About 6 months later me and K become friends. We'd known each other vaguely since the start of uni, but we were partnered together in a lab project together so realised we had a similar sense of humour. This friendship eventually developed into something more, and another 6 months later we are a couple. He is so driven and strong and these traits make me work so so hard, eventually graduating with 1st class in my masters. But, the catch here is he never ever makes me feel good about myself. For the last few months of us being together he makes it clear that any physical contact makes him feel unwell. He doesn't ever say he doesn't find me attractive, but his actions speak louder than words. Eventually, I couldn't take it any more and broke it off with him. Honestly this boy did so much for my life. Helped me get a great grad job and without him I would not have graduated with a first. BUT his effect on my self esteem and eating disorder have been fucking horrific. I honestly think being with him made everything in that sense so much worse.

It's just so odd to me that the two boys who I've chosen to be with have been so very different in that sense. Our relationships were such polar opposites, and as were their effects on me, my life and my eating disorder.

[Intro] why i’m here
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 putridaffection]
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf1fq/why_im_here/
i’m a little late but oh well whatever

i feel like i’ve always been a little fucked up. even when i was a child people were always like “you’d be so pretty if you just lost a few pounds” while pushing food on me and getting mad if i didn’t eat. i was always a people pleaser so i wouldn’t eat unless others were around so i could avoid upsetting anyone. that plus the stress from having a mother who would lose her shit if i got anything lower than an A (even an A- was considered unacceptable) led me to start binging and purging at an early age. when i was 14 i tried to kill myself. ended up going to inpatient where it got better but never really left

fast forward 10 years. i got married and had a kid. when he was almost two my parents were babysitting while i was working on grad school assignments and they got into a car accident. my parents lived but my boy didn’t. i was supposed to take off that day so i could take my mom to the dentist but my back was killing me and i didn’t want to be driving around. all my fault. it should have been me

i stopped eating. i wanted to die. then i found out my back was hurting because i was three months pregnant so i had to start taking proper care of myself, or the baby at least. a little over two years later i have two living children and now that i’m not pregnant i can punish myself the way i want. food is for other people. happiness is for other people. not for me. i don’t deserve to be happy after burying a child

[Intro] I’m 30 years old
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:21:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zezo5/im_30_years_old/
I was the first generation of girls on pro ana websites back when the internet became a regular thing. I even remember having an ED before the internet was a thing in average residential homes, I’ve been like this since I was 9. Reading the posts on here makes me realise that I’m a huge failure, I’m still not over this and I’m almost a middle aged woman. I’m not sure I’ll ever beat it.

Always feeling like 'you could do better'?
Created: Mon Jul 16 14:44:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zenmg/always_feeling_like_you_could_do_better/
I rarely have this happen, but when it comes, it comes hard. Now I'm in a restriction phase and planned to have no more than 500kcal until GW1. I can't make myself eat up to 500, even thought there's sooo much I want to eat and COULD, but my ED is always telling me that I could go lower, have half instead of a whole, skip eating all together because I'm not fainting yet. Pop some more caffeine, move more althought I have no energy.

I red somewhere in another sub that you shouldn't look at how little calories you can eat, but how much you can eat while still losing weight. I really like that idea, it just doesn't work for me because I'm scared that when I eat, my appetite will increase (which usually happens). Also, I like having the excuse to be too weak for everything, and right now I'm so unhappy with my body that I want to freaking rip of my skin and crave away that fat, how could I deserve to eat more than just enought to get by?
Ugh. I could probably lose even faster with a little more, and according to losertown, 300 calories versus 500 a day make almost no difference. But I just can't get my head around how eating more will not make me fatter.

Conflicted over breakfast, OMAD, and being a generally out of control BP queen
/u/babymooonbeam [5.3.5” | 116 | 22F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 14:37:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zelcj/conflicted_over_breakfast_omad_and_being_a/
Hello all and Happy Monday! I'm back on here after failed attempt at recovery over several months that left me more than 10lbs up. Lately my life feels like an uncontrollable whirlwind of junk food binges and purges.

Generally I do not eat breakfast, mainly to minimize calories and to avoid getting hungry earlier in the day. I am very all or nothing, so OMAD usually works well. I cannot stop eating until I feel like I'm going to burst. The only way I've been able to cope with these binge urges is to minimize my eating window. It seems to work well in that I don't get hungry until pretty late in the day. However, I'm plateauing and still dealing with regular binges.

I'm contemplating introducing morning food into my diet. Maybe this would get my metabolism going and/or help me get some control back?? I'm not really sure if that would actually work. Has anyone been in the same boat?

Tbh I am not very knowledgeable about metabolism and related Science™ things. But I do know that I feel almost completely out of control and I want to break through this plateau.

[Rant/Rave] Worst day ever
/u/NovANDP [5'4" | 166 lb | 28.5 | 15 lb | Trying]
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:59:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ze8m5/worst_day_ever/
I went to the doctor today, and my family wanted to go eat. We driving into Five Guys, and I walk inside, and see the calories next to the food. Just an order of fries is over my calorie limit. I ate everything in front of me and now I feel so disgusting..

How do you cook for others without eating it
/u/welpthatreallysucks [♀ 5'4" | ⚖ 205 | -31lbs| 🇨🇦]
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ze682/how_do_you_cook_for_others_without_eating_it/
So... I've been reckless and binging continuously and the familiar guilt has finally set in. Immediately stared restriction again avoiding throwing up as much as possible.

The thing is, in my new life, I've been cooking each night for my roommates aka my best friend and dear boyfriend.

I don't wanna stop cooking but how can I cook and just not eat it? They will probably feel bad if I do so.

[Rant/Rave] The Common Mistake
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:50:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ze5pb/the_common_mistake/
I'm assuming many people have heard this one before. I have a really good friend who is easily my best mate. She's saved my arse a multitude of times and I love her to death. She's also overweight, and wants to lose weight, but doesn't exactly want to put in any effort. She's also aware of my ED, though not of the relapse I am in.

We were talking and she brought up how she'd lost a couple pounds in the last few weeks. I congratulated her, but she said she wished she could lose as fast as me. Then, the infamous...

"I'd kill to have an eating disorder, you know".

This was followed up with "I don't know how you gave yours up". I said that it was because it almost killed me, and she shrugged it off with a "But you were skinny".



End me.

[Discussion] Why does the ED community go by BMI instead of BFP?
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:26:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdy7e/why_does_the_ed_community_go_by_bmi_instead_of_bfp/
You’ll have to please excuse my ignorance on this topic. 😬

I was once a personal trainer (the irony, I know, kills me too) and BFP (body fat percentage) was the only way we would track a client’s progress.

You see, the problem with BMI is that it’s a very broad scale with too much room for inaccuracy due to the fact that it doesn’t take into consideration muscle mass, bone density, water retention, etc.

For example, I used to be very into lifting weights and was once 150lb at 5’7. On the BMI chart, I would’ve been considered overweight. But in reality, my BFP was somewhere around 20% which, for a woman, is relatively lean/low fat. I have (or...had) high bone density and was strong af which meant bone and muscle made up most of my body weight, not fat.

Of course, it takes a little more effort and a little equipment to find out your BFP, but after using that system, it seems almost crazy to me to rely on BMI.

I’m honestly just very curious; is BMI used here because BFP isn’t as well known as I thought? Or maybe because BFP requires a little more than just a scale and knowing your height?

Honestly, I personally feel like BFP is so much more useful in our community in particular and the use of BMI has just been something I’ve accepted here. Thoughts?

[Rant/Rave] Why is it so hard to find certain flavors of Enlightened ice cream?
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:24:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdxif/why_is_it_so_hard_to_find_certain_flavors_of/
It seems like I see the same 4-8 or so flavors all the time where I am (NH/MA area). Are they distributed differently based on geographical location?

I’ve NEVER seen the flavors French Toast, S’mores, Strawberry Cheesecake, Frosted Doughnut, PB marshmallow, Butter Pecan, or Bananas Foster (don’t really care about that one though lol).

I’ve only seen Almond and Snickerdoodle once.

I ALWAYS see Birthday Cake, Mint Chip, Cold Brew Coffee, And Sea Salt Caramel.

The rest I see on occasion, but not every single time. It’s a hit or a miss.

[Rant/Rave] insomnia and binging.
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:10:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdsm3/insomnia_and_binging/
rant bc i was doing so well with my fast.
i was into my fast for like 24hours, longest time ever since june. and i was doing really really well, but it’s night time here, and I COULDNT SLEEP.
i have some sleeping issues, and was prescribe sleeping pills from my doctor, and i thought i have finished it. and didn’t get it refilled. and i couldn’t sleep, so i went down to the kitchen, to do my work and stuff. uh huh kitchen, bad move.
and ye i started eating, 2 mini peaches, 2 bread fuckkkkkkk i am so pissed. and half way thru my bread, guess what, I FREAKING REMEMBERED THAT I HAD IT REFILLED AT MY LAST DOCTOR APPOINTMENT. AND I HAVENT EATEN ANY OF THE PILLS YET. and fuck my life. i am so fucking pissed.
bc i couldn’t have pop a pill and go to bed instead of ranting on reddit about how i had my pills refilled and thought i didn’t.
i am pissed i could have slept and get more fasting hours UGH.

couldn’t sleep, thought i finished my sleeping pills, went to the kitchen, eat, remembered my pills have been refilled halfway thru eating, and now hating on myself :)

Why do I care so much about my weight?
Created: Mon Jul 16 12:56:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdo0q/why_do_i_care_so_much_about_my_weight/
I was looking at a girl next to me in class and she was about my height (5'3") and Asian as well but maybe 10-15 lbs heavier (honestly I have no idea she looked maybe around 125 lbs or something I'm not good at guessing these things) and I couldn't help but compare myself to her b/c we shared these common traits. She wasn't fat by any means (within the normal weight range) but she looked heavier than I ever was. Her arms, legs, stomach, etc. were all larger than I was at my heaviest. I pinched and pinched at myself when I was most definitely smaller than she currently is. But I thought she was so pretty? When I saw her the first thought that came to my mind was "Oh she's so cute, I want to be friends". I don't get it. I didn't for one second think she was fat. I only noticed she was basically my frame but larger because she was Asian and I related to her and went on from there. Like I feel horrendous and terribly fat and I want nothing more than to be so delicate I float away in the frickin air but I don't even apply that standard of beauty to other people. I legitimately, whole-heartedly find other girls attractive at weights I would cry to be at. idk I don't get myself do u guys relate lol

[Discussion] Does anyone else not hate themselves during or after a binge.
Created: Mon Jul 16 12:42:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdjqa/does_anyone_else_not_hate_themselves_during_or/
So after restricting for a few days I'm in the middle of a binge but I've noticed that when or after I binge I don't really put myself down for it I just remind myself i can't binge too often or I'll never lose weight and go back to restricting afterwards,is anyone else like this?

[Rant/Rave] Cravings
Created: Mon Jul 16 12:38:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdihf/cravings/
I want a BLT so bad right now. Not even an awful greasy one from a restaurant. I want to get the stuff at the store to make my own and I know that can't be THAT high in calories because I'm so careful about portions and weighing food. But I just broke 156, that's 4 pounds in a week I've gone down, and I don't want to lose that.

Fuckdiddly I hate my stupid brain. I just took a gabapentin and an antidepressant so maybe it'll calm me down enough to decide to go for it.

I photoshop my pictures for fun
/u/LynnShores [5'5 | CW: 150 | GW: 120 | -10lb]
Created: Mon Jul 16 12:12:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zd9q4/i_photoshop_my_pictures_for_fun/
Does anyone else take pictures of themselves and photoshop them for fun? Like I'd never post it anywhere but I just photoshop my body to what I'd want to be ideally and just flip back and forth between that and the actual photo. When I type this out I realize that is kinda pathetic. But it kind of motivates me I guess, like a goal. Anyone else?

[Other] Any suggestions for anorexia documentaries
Created: Mon Jul 16 12:01:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zd68j/any_suggestions_for_anorexia_documentaries/
I'm in the mood but all the ones that pop up on YouTube are the ones I've seen before.

I fucking hate doctors
Created: Mon Jul 16 11:36:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcy4z/i_fucking_hate_doctors/
Throwaway / new “just for mental illness Reddit’s” lol

Anyways I suffer from EDNOS with a strong leaning towards bed.

I’ve been in IOP and general therapy meds etc for the last 6 months. Slow and steady. I figured that I gained some weight (I don’t weigh) but all my clothes fit.

I went to the GP today because I was concerned about some weird feeling breast tissue and she flat out said “honestly the changes are from your significant weight gain”

Fucking. A.

I knew I gained weight and was okish but having it medically confirmed that it was significant to comment on just set me over the edge. I start having a panic attack and she tells me to “just stop” I still don’t know the number but I think I’m going to weigh tonight . I know it’s bad but it’s time to relapse into restriction bitches!

So I will be shopping for a more sympathetic doctor and also adding another two hours of cardio and weights every day. In the mean time someone please come over to my house and fucking murder me.

[Help] Do I have body dysmorphia?
Created: Mon Jul 16 11:31:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcw93/do_i_have_body_dysmorphia/
These are my current measurements.

Height: 4ft 9 inches

Weight: 5st 13lbs

Bust: 33.5 inches

Waist: 25 inches

Hips: 34 inches

I’m a super short and skinny hourglass. I’ve been bigger of course, many inches bigger. I used to have a 38 inch bust, 29.5 inch waist and 38 inch hips, and I’ve always thought that my curvaceous proportions were too heavy for my child sized hands, feet, arms and legs. I stand about as tall as a 12 year old and, as such, possessing a large bust and hips made me look like a hyper sexual child rather than like a sexy woman. Hourglass figures look better on those who are at least 5ft 2 but when you are not even 5ft…c’mon. I’m just 4ft 9! I hated the fact that my bodily proportions did not compliment my height. I looked so heavy, busty and hip-y.

Women’s clothes never look right on me. The sleeves are so long as to flop over my hands. The hems of skirts and jeans are 6-7 inches too long. Even clothes from the petite range are 3-4 inches too long for me. The clothes which actually fit my arms and legs are made for girls of age 12 or 13, except my bust, waist and hips were far too big to ever allow me to put on these small clothes. Do you see the problem here? I did.

I lost a substantial amount of weight, thus losing 4 inches from my hips and 4.5 inches from my waist and bust, because I wanted to minimise the curvaceous look of my body, though an hourglass shaped body always seems to look like an hourglass shape no matter how many inches you lose from the bust, waist and hips. Even at a very lean size my body is still the essence of female sexuality. Guess I can’t help it. I’m just a thinner version now. My shoulders and hips are equal. My bust and hips are almost equal. My torso is short.

My 33.5 inch bust and 34 inch hips can make me seem fatter than I am especially in clothes, although my arms, legs, wrists, thighs and collarbones are definitely thin. My belly and bottom are flat. At times, I still feel big or broad and wish to be thinner or slenderer. Are there other short/very short women who dislike how their curvaceous proportions look on them?

[Discussion] Does anyone else just wander around stores looking at food you wish you could eat?
Created: Mon Jul 16 11:26:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcusg/does_anyone_else_just_wander_around_stores/
Ugh, I was bored so I walked around Walmart for 1/2 an hour today just looking at the food I wish I could bring myself to eat. I would pick something up, say it’ll be a treat for myself, only to end up putting it back on the shelf. I left the store empty handed and wishing I could just be normal. Then I ended up binging on a cheeseburger meal from Burger King. Ffs...why am I like this 😭

[Discussion] does anyone else care more about their image than the scale?
Created: Mon Jul 16 11:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcpbn/does_anyone_else_care_more_about_their_image_than/
Not saying idc what the scales says (its probably my #1 I developed an ed 😂) but what fuels me even more is how I want to look rather than my actual weight. I’m now 11lbs down of my SW and I’m so proud of myself. There’s just something so motivating about staying in control of my urges

Created: Mon Jul 16 11:06:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcoab/exercises/
hey people, I’m looking for a set of exercises I can do in my room, preferably reasonably quietly. That burn off 100ish calories. Just as something to do at the end of the day. Pls hmu with some recommendations


[Discussion] i’m really happy with myself
Created: Mon Jul 16 11:04:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcnm9/im_really_happy_with_myself/
i’ve lost almost 3 pounds in the past five days. i’m really happy about this.

[Rant/Rave] i'm a bad friend
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 putridaffection]
Created: Mon Jul 16 10:39:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcfh5/im_a_bad_friend/
every day i ask my best friend what she ate for different meals because when she tells me i can pretend i ate it too. sometimes i even feel like i can taste it. this morning she said she had an everything bagel with chive and onion cream cheese and i swear to god it was like i was there eating it too. meanwhile i'm here drinking a monster zero and literally punching myself in the stomach so i can pretend i'm not hungry, no sir

i feel like a good friend wouldn't use their friends to fuel their ED but what the hell do i know about being a functional person

[Discussion] What are some of your go-to (non-sparkling or soda) drinks?
/u/efflorescence-n [5'10 | 21F 🌸💖✨]
Created: Mon Jul 16 10:36:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcehm/what_are_some_of_your_goto_nonsparkling_or_soda/

I recently got into Hint water which is basically fruit-infused water and holy moly is it so good and has no calories!!!! or sweeteners!!!! ahh. (。♥‿♥。)

[Discussion] What caused you to go from disordered eating habits to an ED?
Created: Mon Jul 16 10:23:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcal1/what_caused_you_to_go_from_disordered_eating/
Hello\~ I've been lurking for a LONG time and finally decided to make an account and post here.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently and I realized going to college was a huge trigger for me. Throughout high school I developed disordered eating habits and body dysmorphia. While I maintained a weight of \~140-145 throughout high school, I had a horrible body image and -1000 self esteem. Everything just got 1000x worse in college.

I've recently graduated from a very prestigious university where nearly everyone was in the top 10&#37; of their high school class, if not literally ranked in the top 10 of their class. I went from being constantly recognized academically in high school to being surrounded by people who were just as smart as me, if not smarter. It was a very competitive environment and I struggled a lot emotionally. To add to this, my university was predominantly white with only a tiny percentage of black POC. Even in my major was the only black girl. All of this only fueled feelings of inadequacy. I had gone to predominantly white schools most of my schooling but my university was very segregated and I experienced a lot of direct racism for the first time in my life while there. It was emotionally draining.

This only area where I ever felt nearly equal to my peers was in my looks. A majority of the student body is fit/thin (especially the girls) and nearly everyone works out. I think I saw less than ten obese students in four years out of THOUSANDS of students and faculty. Yes I was black but I had a body was nearly the same to many of peers, and I felt that the only way I could be truly equal to them was by losing weight and getting very thin. If I was as thin as my white classmates, then people would like me and respect me. Irrational, but those were my feelings. And its college, so I could restrict and work out as much as I wanted and no one would notice.

TL;DR: Feelings of inadequacy after years of praise was piled onto existing self-hate and has lead to years of restrictive eating.

So, how did your habits become a full blown ED?

Sitting in my car about to c/s some McDonalds..
Created: Mon Jul 16 10:05:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zc4o5/sitting_in_my_car_about_to_cs_some_mcdonalds/
And "Hunger" by Florence and the Machine comes on, lol. I just smirked and dove in. *shrug*

While I'm on the subject, does anyone else feel like c/s isn't really that big of a deal? I usually swallow a couple bites so my stomach doesn't get pissed off. And I only do it for lunch, I eat a normal dinner at home. It helps with my food anxiety a ton. But I have BED, which might make things different.

For the first time in a while, I have a strong urge to restrict.
/u/kpatable [5'9.5" | 134 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 10:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zc32g/for_the_first_time_in_a_while_i_have_a_strong/
I've been working on recovering for the past year, and I've had success with it even though I haven't been working with a dietician or a "team" or whatever. The progress is slow, but it's definitely significant. But last night the urge to restrict hit me hard... I'm sure it's connected to my depression getting worse recently. Because I'm craving how valid restriction makes me feel. And because I'm feeling slightly suicidal underneath everything... u\_\_u

Yes, I will definitely tell my therapist about this.

I know I shouldn't restrict. But I really don't care. Of course I'll probably do it for a day and then go back to normal since I have EDNOS, not AN. Whatever.

Hate my huge lower half
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:56:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zc255/hate_my_huge_lower_half/
So I'm an average height college student (girl). I have your 'ideal' tiny waist (like 23 inches) and big hips and butt. Now I kinda get why guys are attracted to my body, but I hate it!! I can't wear skinny jeans, feel huge in a bikini, and any weight I gain always collects in my hips and thighs first. Any tips on how to slim down my lower half, without making my upper half any smaller?? Thanks!!

[Tip] Lose It Premium On Sale
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:39:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbwzi/lose_it_premium_on_sale/
Lose It Premium is currently $29.99 a year, $10 off its usual price. Not sure how long this will last but it made me bit the bullet and get it.

[Rant/Rave] A huge factor to my ED
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:28:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbtiq/a_huge_factor_to_my_ed/
I'm aware it's not fair to put all the blame on my abusive ex for this. Nevertheless, he was certainly a huge reason to why I started starving myself.

Last year February, our relationship turned sour when he cheated on me. It made me feel like I wasn't enough. It's funny, looking back I can see that he was extremely insecure, especially about me cheating, and it was him projecting. The girl he cheated on me with was tiny. I was already fairly small at that point (5'5, 115) but this made me decide it wasn't good enough.

Stupid me. We got back together, he made promises he didn't keep and we were constantly fighting. There was simply 0 trust. He didn't trust me to begin with, and now I didn't trust him.

When March comes, he notices my odd eating behaviours, the restricting, the perpetual melancholy. We talk about it (he puts me in a position I couldn't get out of) and I 'fess up. The look on his face looked genuinely distressed when he heard me say it. His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me into a suffocating hug, saying he'd help me and would never leave. I didn't tell him what made me feel this way. It would've crushed him, I think.

It's April now, we're back at his place. He wants to go get food, but I decline. My weight's dropped quite a bit and he could tell. His voice rises and he insists that he'll pay for me, but my voice stays insistent too. I don't want food. "What did you eat for lunch?" It's a dumb question, he knew the answer.


"You need food, babe."

"No, it's okay, I'm not hungry."

We go back and forth, until he reaches a a breaking point. Usually, the first person to reach a breaking point in a fight loses, but with him, he can never lose. I lost this fight.

Heatedly, he grabs my shoulders and pins me onto the bed, this was the first time but it wasn't the last. Tears began to form and I quiver under his big, strong hands. His eyes reveals his temper. He screams at my face 'Why the fuck can't you just eat?' My hands stayed immovable, I just wanted to cover my face. Ugly sobs escape me, yet I commiserated with his exasperation. I was difficult, especially with food. I'm sorry. It's my fault.

Sorry for the long rant, it's just a memory that was stuck to me today. Had to get it off my chest, then I realised he was definitely a prime factor in my ED escalating. It's been just over a year since we broke up, I'm definitely in a better place right now that last year.

[Discussion] How often do you weigh yourself?
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:25:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbsw0/how_often_do_you_weigh_yourself/
I tend to weigh myself almost everyday. In the past when I've lost weight I tend to go straight down but now I'm up and down, and while I'm trending down, it's definitely freaking me out. I see now why people suggest only weighing once a week.

Do you fluctuate a lot day to day? And how often do you weigh yourself?

[Other] Today I made a 140 cal bowl of Mac n cheese:)
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:19:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbr6a/today_i_made_a_140_cal_bowl_of_mac_n_cheese/

Being called skinny is pure ED FUEL
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:04:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbmmj/being_called_skinny_is_pure_ed_fuel/
I hate it and I love it. Why am I like this???

New Mod Applications
/u/woollyshirt [non binary wizard]
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:50:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbiie/new_mod_applications/
Hello lovely people! This had been on the cards for some time (and is why u/fuckthislol has been modded! Hooray!) but we definitely do need new mods, and for the first time in the history of this sub, we're going to have it done by application.

We are looking for friendly people to join us in making this a safe and inclusive space, and know that having people with a range of experiences is really useful in making that happen. We need you to understand the rules of the space and to be willing to help enforce them - though don't worry! We can help you get to grips with moderating. We aren't too fussed about if you have previous mod experience, or if you have commented on every post on here ever, but we would like subreddit mods to be adults and to have absolutely zero tolerance for bigotry - no racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism allowed, or this space would not be what it is.

So, if you are still interested, **please send a modmail to r/proEDmods with your answers to the following:**

1) Tell us about yourself! Whatever it is that you want us to know - your age, timezone, what is important to you, hobbies, favourite animal, whatever it is you think we should know.

2) What is your experience with disordered eating? (We ask so we can look to add people with different perspectives)

3) Why do you think you'd be a good moderator?

After the 30th July, we won't consider any new applications, and we'll announce the new moderators.

If anything here is unclear, please let us know below and we'll get back to you :)

[Help] Gained 7 lbs from 3 days of bingeing...
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:45:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbh5t/gained_7_lbs_from_3_days_of_bingeing/
I also added 2 inches to my waistline as if this morning. Logically I know some of this weight must be coming from food/water weight, but is it possible I gained any permanent fat? I’m going back to my low restriction routine today, but I’m wondering how long it’ll be until I lose those stupid 6 pounds. Please help!!

When you guys binge, do you do low calorie food or just whatever you can?
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:28:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbcbp/when_you_guys_binge_do_you_do_low_calorie_food_or/
When I go for a ton of food, I almost always go for absolutely atrocious amounts of salad.

I know I can eat essentially as much as physically possible and still face zero weight gain.

My ex used to order big gross pizzas and tons of fast food and shit. I never understood why she didn't get salads.

Am I weird?

This seems really useful.
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:27:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbc7r/this_seems_really_useful/

[Help] How can I hide my ED from my parents?
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:11:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zb7vw/how_can_i_hide_my_ed_from_my_parents/
Hi all.

I was wondering if there are any tips to hide anorexia from my parents? I live at home (Im only 14). They’ve been noticing lately that I don’t really eat. They ask me like if I ate breakfast and ask me all the time what I had for breakfast or for lunch. I really don’t want them to be involved with this because I know they won’t handle it well.

So does anyone have any tips to hide it? To make it look less suspicious? Thank you for the time

[Rant/Rave] A bit of happy word vomit. [RAVE]
/u/lyhndzie [5'5"|HW: 170|CW: eww|UGW: 98| F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:02:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zb5dn/a_bit_of_happy_word_vomit_rave/
So I’m doing this thing where I only weigh myself once a month (on the 21st). It’s been really hard but it is helping me stay on track, and I am noticing some good changes on my appearance!

One of my goals was to see my ribs. I am starting to see the outline and I am so exited! I can even see a few individual ribs if I suck in! Without even knowing what I weigh exactly, I can see good changes are happening!!

I am also finally to the point where I feel comfortable wearing baggy shirts! This may sound odd, but I’ve always worn skin-tight shirts, making me painfully aware of how I looked at all times. I’ve always felt like, because my thighs are on the larger side, baggy shirts don’t make me look good because my lower half still looks large and I just look large all together. But I’m currently wearing a pair of leggings and my husband’s size L t-shirt, and I feel great!

I went shopping at a flea market yesterday. Last time I bought pants from this certain shop, I bought size XL jeans. The leggings I’m wearing right now are from that shop, and are a size S!! And that’s in Chinese sizes!! I am now the same size as the mannequin that was advertising them, which has always looked so much smaller and daintier than I ever thought I could be! (Leave it to me to compare myself to a chunk of plastic, but whatever)

I finally feel like I’m moving in the right direction. After months of losing control and binging on everything in sight, this feels really good, and I’m going to ride this high all the way down to my GW! I’ll update my flair on the 21st when I weigh myself for the first time in a month!!

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by a visit to my mother
/u/Singrgrl14 [5’7” | CW 245 | UGW 115 | BMI 38.24 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 07:59:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zb4fd/triggered_by_a_visit_to_my_mother/
So this past weekend I went to visit my mom. It was bad enough that I had to eat, and on top of that I couldn’t even eat anything healthy because we went to a family gathering and all they had was super high calorie food. I couldn’t get by fasting all day either, she and my boyfriend would have noticed.

The worst part, though, was at the end right before I left. My mom started keto about a year ago because she was pre-diabetic, so she’s lost a ton of weight. That’s already pretty triggering because now I’m bigger than her but that’s not the worst of it. Because of that, she has to get rid of her big clothes. She gave them to me.

And they fit.

I know I’m fat, I’m a disgustingly obese ball of lard, but now I feel like I have to stop eating entirely. I’ve even been wanting to purge what I do eat, which I’ve never done before, but I’m scared I’ll get caught.

I don’t know, you guys. I just feel so disgusting and worthless. No matter how many times my boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful, I feel like he’s lying to make me feel better.

He knows I have a history of disordered eating, but he hasn’t noticed me slipping into it again. He just sees it as me being serious about a new diet. And I keep telling myself that it’s not that he doesn’t notice, it’s that he pretends not to because he wants me to lose weight. I know it’s not true and I’m being ridiculous but I can’t stop thinking it.

So anyway how’s your Monday?

Feeling awful. Was definitely being judged by the barista this morning.
Created: Mon Jul 16 07:23:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zavll/feeling_awful_was_definitely_being_judged_by_the/
My boyfriend swung through Starbucks this morning and I didn't have time to think about what I wanted, so I just pulled up the first drink that looked tasty from The Macro Barista's Instagram feed and went with that.

You guys.....even over the speaker, I could hear he was annoyed. He kind of sarcastically said, "Well, the drink is supposed to taste like XX, but I guess if you want it like XX then ok." I felt *awful*. I felt stupid for making modifications to the coffee, I felt guilty for making it more complicated than necessary, and I felt embarrassed that I was basically called out on it. I know baristas are trained at their craft and I appreciate that, but I just wanted something low-calorie and tasty enough to get me through my Monday morning and now I can barely drink it and I'm sad.

Thank you for listening to my pathetic coffee rant.

[Tip] [Tip] Something that has helped me through the struggle of binge eating
/u/pailblusea [5'6.5"| CW 126.8 | BMI 20.5 | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 07:22:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zav6n/tip_something_that_has_helped_me_through_the/
On mobile, can't flair.

So I struggle hugely with the binge/restrict cycle and it stresses me out to the point of tears. I can handle restricting some days but other days I am so hungry it hurts and all I can do is eat more than I intended. I feel like a failure and worse about myself so I just figure my day is now ruined and I must binge because I hate myself.

Without even realizing it I am getting better about my binges. They are getting smaller in frequency and calories. I noticed this since I stopped tracking success by the day and moved it to by the week. I forced myself to log every calorie even when I binge and record my intake for the day and I record my calorie output (I have a fitness watch to give me an estimate).

My daily calorie burn depending on how active I am (some days over 2 hours of high intensity cardio alone + being on the go all day) leaves me a TDEE between 1800-3000 calories. Lately I eat between 800-1400 calories a day but my binge days have gone up to 10000 calories. They are automatically reducing themselves now to my last one being 3400 calories with me consciously telling myself to STOP. Each binge is easier for me to control now.

I set my calorie intake goal for the entire WEEK at 14000 calories (2000/day) and my total calorie output each week has been approximately 18000 calories...it leaves me a comfortable one lb a week loss. So some days I am just not hungry...1200 calories satisfies me. Or maybe just 800. If the next day I am stressed and need some junk food, I can eat it and know I am OKAY, it's NOT a loss I went over because when the week ends my total calories are still under 14000. I WILL still lose weight and I am in control.

We're all different but maybe this will help someone else out there who struggles with restricting and binging. Don't focus on one bad day anymore, move on to the next and keep going with your goals. ❤️

I hate the yo-yoing
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:110 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 06:45:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zalur/i_hate_the_yoyoing/
The constant fluctuations in weight due to fasting/restricting/binging. Lose 10 pounds, gain back that 10 pounds. Continue to bounce back and forth for months. It's just the worst! Sorry. Just needed to vent.

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! July 16, 2018
Created: Mon Jul 16 06:14:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zaeni/weekly_stats_update_july_16_2018/
This is the weekly status thread for July 16, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 16, 2018
Created: Mon Jul 16 06:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zaemk/daily_food_diary_july_16_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for July 16, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

pro tip
Created: Mon Jul 16 05:51:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8za9ej/pro_tip/
alcohol=0 calories

I promise ;)

How do you guys manage working a 9-5 while not eating?
Created: Mon Jul 16 05:37:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8za6hc/how_do_you_guys_manage_working_a_95_while_not/
Title. Can you manage working an office job and fasting for days? I feel like whenever I try I am so dumb and my attention span sucks.

DAE not taste real sugar anymore?
Created: Mon Jul 16 05:29:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8za4pv/dae_not_taste_real_sugar_anymore/
So I bought some new teas to try and planned to have them with 5g of real sugar and a dash of milk to see what their 'real' flavour is like, not falsened by any artificial tastes. So I tought. I can't, for the life of mine, detect a slight hint of sweetness from real sugar unless it's much more than I want (40 calories already wasted for those two cups of tea!). Put some sweetener in it and then, the actual flavour came out like I wanted it (yes, with a sweetener aftertaste that I don't like, but alas, better than 50 cals for sugar or so!). I know people can train themselves to get used to less sweetness and I did that in the last months, but when I want a real indulgence, it has to be properly sweet :/

Fasting/GI rest
Created: Mon Jul 16 04:53:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9xln/fastinggi_rest/
I need to try and get some space in my head. I suffer from BED/Bulimia.

I'm getting lots of stomach pain, dyspepsia etc which I'm pretty sure is from all the distress I'm putting myself under. I want to give my gut a rest for a day or two. Ideally I'd like to stretch it for a week but I'm not really sure how I will go. The times I've been hospitalised and needed to give my gut a rest, I've been put on a special diet that included pretty much clear foods. So broth, light coloured jello etc.

My plan is to stick to broth and sugar free jello and sugar free Gatorade.

I'm hoping it will give my gut a rest and also my head too. I have no idea if I will be able to stick with it, but maybe if I give myself permission to binge at the end I'll be able to get through it?
I just need a break from obsessing over every little food related thing.

Has anyone else done anything like this?

[Help] Can you restrict while minimizing its affects on your hair?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 04:48:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9wih/can_you_restrict_while_minimizing_its_affects_on/
I’ve been restricting plus wanting to do an extended fast for a while, but unfortunately had a bad bleach job happen and so I’m desperately trying to grow it back.

I’m scared of giving up restricting/fasting, but I’m also scared of it slowing or stopping my hair growth and having this bad hair on top of my head for ages. It will already take me a year to grow it short enough to cut short, and I’m afraid restricting might make that even slower.

I already have issues with my body, but hair was something I at least didn’t hate, and now that it is kind of ruin I’m really eager to grow it out. Though I can’t fathom giving up restricting either. I’ve been taking vitamins that I don’t think will make a huge difference but it’s something I guess.

So does anyone’s hair grow ok while restricting? Like I said I’ve been planning on doing a fast and now I’m slightly concerned about starting it bc I’m afraid my hair will fall out even more. If anyone has advice on this I would love to hear it. I’ve had olaplex and pretty much all the treatments I can do on it, but it’s too fragile to re dye or do anything else to, so I’m having to grow it out.

my boyfriend has decided that he and i should go on a break. I’ve not eaten since he told me
/u/tartansheep [5'9.5|23.61 | 166lb|-1lb| GW:115lb]
Created: Mon Jul 16 04:07:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9oto/my_boyfriend_has_decided_that_he_and_i_should_go/
He is away for three months and we are three months in and for his mental health we are taking a break. No idea what this means. Very upset.

But since he told me I’ve not eaten a thing and before that I only had coffee yesterday. No solid food since Saturday.

I am 158lb today (disgusting) so I seem to finally finally be losing weight. Gonna try to hide it because I don’t want him to think I am manipulating him? But...

Well. He says he loves me and he wants to be with me and he still wants to talk to me ..? So I don’t understand at all.

He is back in mid September. I have two months to lose as much weight as possible (158lb and I am 5’9)

I hope I can get to at least 140lb. Hopefully lower.

I absolutely hate my body
Created: Mon Jul 16 03:50:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9llj/i_absolutely_hate_my_body/
After a couple of years of being on a plethora of different meds I've gained about 20kgs. It's awful and I hate myself for it.

My boyfriend saw a pic of me before the recent gain, when I was a bmi of 18, and he said "wow you look so different when you're small'

Urgh I can't stop thinking about it. I recently started purging again and then stopped because I didn't want to go back down that path. But his comment is rattling in my head and I just want to chop all the disgusting fat off my body.

I'm so depressed. I'm binging like crazy. I don't want to become obsessed with this again, but I kind of do because I hate the status quo

[Rant/Rave] I’m so tired you guys.
Created: Mon Jul 16 03:35:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9j4n/im_so_tired_you_guys/
I barely slept and leave for work in an hour roughly, and I want to call out but it’s too late now plus I got sick two months ago. I’m also trying to restrict to 900 this week but I’m so freaking sleepy. Andddd I had a bunch of food yesterday, including Korean so I know I’m about to be sad af when I weigh today. Aside from that I’ve been exhausted for weeks and like..where are the results. I feel so frustrated and tired and hate myself but also do i want to be small or not? 🙃 why am I like this

Sn: if any of you have peach, add me: kaplazzle

I’ve gone from bulimia, to anorexia, then bulimia again.... and now I think have BED. FML.
Created: Mon Jul 16 03:31:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9id8/ive_gone_from_bulimia_to_anorexia_then_bulimia/
Guys help.

I’ve become what I always feared... an OBJECTIVELY fat monster that can’t stop shovelling food into my mouth. It’s obscene.

I can’t stop. I really can’t. I don’t recognise myself in the mirror anymore. I’ve stopped leaving the house, except for work (thank the Lord that I get to wear scrubs at work.... those bad boys can hide a LOT). I cancel all my social engagements.

I’ve just had 5 days off work, and all I did was eat. I didn’t leave the house - I just ordered Uber eats over and over again.

You know how in hospital they all tell you “oh, you won’t get fat in recovery I PROMISE”. Hah. Well I certainly proved them wrong!!!

Has anyone else gone from anorexia/bulimia to.... this? I feel like such a fat fucking failure. If I have to have disordered eating, why does it have to be THIS??

[Rant/Rave] Feel like a burden but at least my thigh gap is coming back 🙃
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5 ft 4| 121lb| 20.71 | Not Enough | Nonbinary]
Created: Mon Jul 16 02:14:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z957p/feel_like_a_burden_but_at_least_my_thigh_gap_is/
I've been very emotionally not stable to the point I've been taking my girlfriend's jokes about my laptop as serious and her being annoyed at my constant apologies as her hating me. I've also self harmed because it feels like she's starting to distance herself from me and won't let me in so as a result I'm reluctant to let her see me sad or tell her that I'm relapsing/don't really wanna recover anymore.

I'm currently living in baggy leggings and tank tops (sizes 6-8 stretch cami's from Primark represent!) And I noticed yesterday when I stand the tops of my thighs no longer touch and when I lie down my stomach no longer bulges above my ribcage. I've been working 5-6 days a week which probably helps combined with not eating on my breaks is probably helping, my scale isn't showing any weight loss though :/.

I'm scared of losing my girlfriend because of my recent emotional instablity even though I know she loves me and this is just a bump in the road. Combined with the fact my dad might lose his job because someone lied about him bullying people into not taking overtime I feel a bit like everything is crashing down. My food scale also broke so I need to get a new one before I eat breakfast but I don't wanna move I just wanna cry.

I'm sorry this isn't super relevant mods, feel free to delete it if it's against the rules.

Hi, I'm ready to admit I have a disorder, but I'm not ready to recover.
Created: Mon Jul 16 02:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z953a/hi_im_ready_to_admit_i_have_a_disorder_but_im_not/
Hi. I'm not sure if this is exactly where I should post this, but this is the only community I saw that I felt at all comfortable coming to.

I won't go to deep into the details, but last year I stopped eating and started trying to cut my calorie intake down to as low as possible, drinking water and obsessively chewing gum and tictacs. My friends and partner found out, because of course, and have been trying to force me to eat. I hate it and feel absolutely miserable.

I'm not ready to recover, it doesn't feel good and I don't feel mentally prepared. Everybody in my life forces me to check in, to eat in front of them and if I tell them I'm not ready, they just tell me too bad. I know they have my best interest at heart, but, god it just feels like so much pressure and it makes me miserable.

How do I talk to them? How do I tell them I'm not ready? I know they aren't going to let me just not eat, but it hurts when they try to force full meals on me 3 times a day.

Also, I could just really, really use someone to talk to. I feel alone and like nobody understands what I mean. I would just really like to connect with a community.

Again, I'm sorry if I put this in the wrong place.


[Discussion] Starving yourself because you think that’s the only way people will care about you and give you attention- if you look bad enough. What will it take for them to reach out?! How much longer will we face this mental torture?
Created: Mon Jul 16 02:08:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9469/starving_yourself_because_you_think_thats_the/
Behind an ED.

[Goal] Having food at home is great!
Created: Mon Jul 16 01:53:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z91da/having_food_at_home_is_great/
Tagging this as goal bc it kind of is.

So exactly one week ago I starting to recover from binge eating. I had the worst binge the Sunday before; I was so full I couldn’t even drink water anymore and almost threw up (as I’m incredibly scared of vomiting this was super bad for me).

So I pinned my main problem down on only focusing on calories and not on nutrition. I sat down and made a meal plan for the week and I went grocery shopping to get the food.

For the weekend I was away and I came back yesterday night - thinking I only have pasta left to eat. I opened my fridge and cupboards to discover I also have watermelon, oats, cucumber, tomatoes and tomato sauce!
I can’t remember the last time I was home at Sunday and had food at home!

However my kitchen turned out not to be usable because there water coming down from the ceiling. But I still could eat. I’m kind of happy about my progress!

Also I haven’t binged for a week. I overate for sure and had a drink indulgence but everything stayed within a normal amount of food.

(Sorry this doesn’t go along well with most other posts but I wanted to share.)

[Rant/Rave] I can’t stop eating
Created: Mon Jul 16 01:34:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8y9a/i_cant_stop_eating/
I need to put this out there. No one is real life understands. I’ve binged for the last 4 days straight. Finally got the nerve to weigh myself and I’m up 5 kg. How is that even possible? That’s like 4 months of restricting gone in less than a week. I keep trying to go back to restricting but my mind goes, ohh well u have already fucked up. Might as well eat another 3 chocolate bars. I am just so depressed and full of self hate.

[Rant/Rave] super long rant....
Created: Mon Jul 16 01:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8u9r/super_long_rant/
so, here’s the deal. i’ve had a ED since i was 11, i am still young but that was a few years ago. Recently in april i relapsed. My ED is that i purge everything i eat so i lose a lot of weight, and my parents knew that i had bulimia (i call it) when i was 11, so when i started getting very skinny they suspected. sometime in may they finally caught me. i begged them not to make me go to therapy and they didn’t say anything about it, but kept a eye on me, like making sure i wouldn’t go to the restroom after meals, things like that. Well, i found a way to purge even then , and got SKINNIER. This time they said i have to, however i still found ways to purge regardless. i also thought i wouldn’t need to go to therapy. They found the toilet filthy and got mad and frustrated that i threw up what little i had in my stomach that day. They told me i had to go to therapy.
i find it very hard to talk to my mom and parents about my problems which is why i never told them in the first place and they need to find everything out for themselves. Not only that, but i HATE therapy. i had to go only one time (for the same reason) and i absolutely despised it. (now that i look back at it now though, i think it was just the therapist.)
one day i feel brave enough to ask my mother about weather or not i would go to therapy. she responded with “do you think you need it?”
i felt to embarrassed and shy to say i do and i still struggle, when she said “i assume you still do it, even when we think you don’t, you still find a way huh?”
long convo short we decided i would go.
the next day i wake up and she tells me she found a group i could go and she would look into it.
a few days later i get no word of it so deciding again to gather up all the courage and push away any embarrassment i had, i asked “so uh...i’ve been meaning to ask if i am actually going to that group.”
well, the reaction wasn’t what i hoped for. she does “Why? Do you WANT to go? this is the second time you’ve asked me.”
i almost cried and it made me wish i didn’t say anything in the first place. i weakly defend myself saying “It’s just you haven’t been telling me anything...”
another long convo short she tells me my dad has no job which means no money which means no group rn.
i hate actually asking for help and reaching out, i’m very secretive, embarrassed, and closed off about how i feel, which makes it hard for me to know what exactly is going on with me. it makes me scared.
what else makes me scared is that by the time my dad finds a job my mother is gonna assume that i got over my ED and not push recovery. and i DEFENANTLY am NOT going to ask for it. nonono, i can’t do that, no matter how many times she tells me “your so secretive please you have to tell me things!” and no matter how many times everyone tells me “you have to be open blah blah” it just makes me feel embarrassed.
i already know this is going to end badly. i have marching band soon, and i fear that all the exercise and not enough food is gonna make me like FAINT or shit, because i genuinely am too scared to keep food in my stomach sometimes unless it’s a “special day” or something and even then i pull myself down. what’s life come to honestly kms.

[Rant/Rave] I just drank a liter of diet Dr.Pepper
/u/jackolantern_hat [5'9.5" | CW:150 | BMI:21.75 | 21F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 01:08:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8tn5/i_just_drank_a_liter_of_diet_drpepper/
I just drank an entire liter of the zero calorie Dr.Pepper to make my hunger go away thinking I'd be up for a few more hours working. Nope, found out the internet is down till tomorrow (I'm on my phone's internet) so I can't even work......Like now I can't sleep and I feel like the meme of the skeleton sitting in the wheelchair super caffeinated 😂

[Help] Broke into the 120’s, now excessive worrying
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 119.9lbs | 19.1 BMI | -23lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 00:44:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8p54/broke_into_the_120s_now_excessive_worrying/
I finally broke into the 120’s! Today I was at 128.1 (wet hair) and yesterday I was at 127.4 . I need to lose a significant amount more before August 22, because that’s when my best friend is visiting from the states and I want to look my best to do the things we planned.

I ate today and yesterday a fair amount and I also had to take restoralax because I haven’t gone in a few days, so I’m getting nervous about having another cramping and awful toilet session. Sorry for the TMI

I want to water fast but I’m on a few drugs rn that I’m worried about fasting with (stomach might hurt) and I also have been feeling more sick and weak when I fast. I might get some favour drops with electrolytes in them to help.

Right now I just need some support. I’m so worried about going up on the scale or not losing weight fast enough and I really need to stay on track and not veer off. I’m just so nervous.

binge sadness :—((
Created: Mon Jul 16 00:36:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8nmf/binge_sadness/
lmao hey it’s my first post in reddit history and i was wondering what you guys do when you feel shitty after a binge and you can’t purge?
i can’t purge as i can’t do i quietly and my family members would hear

[Help] Question about you guys with a dream weight (I do not have an ED)
Created: Mon Jul 16 00:29:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8mhd/question_about_you_guys_with_a_dream_weight_i_do/
Hello there,

I hope it is acceptable/allowed for people without an eating disorder to ask questions here. :) I am - for whatever reason - extremly interested in the topic of eating disorders and want to learn more about it and the way you, who suffer from it, think.

So, I read many posts in this subreddit and something that often comes up is the idea of a "Goal weight", which leads me to my question to all those that have reached their goal weight: what do you do, after you reached it? Do you start eating exactly the amount of calories you use, to maintain weight? Or do you reach your goal, look in the mirror and now want to lose even more weight?

Again - I hope it´s okay to ask questions. :)

[Rant/Rave] Lost 0.5kg after last week. Might as well go back to binging right?? Just as well my life could not be any shittier right now, my body seems to be well in tune with that!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!
/u/FoxyLady1357 [5'8| 167.5 | 24.92 | -18 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 00:19:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8kkw/lost_05kg_after_last_week_might_as_well_go_back/

can't weigh myself and im panicking
/u/BackgroundHole [5'5" // HW 135 // CW 120 // GW 105 // F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 23:36:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8cjw/cant_weigh_myself_and_im_panicking/
im on vacation for three weeks and the hotel doesnt have a scale. maybe in one of the other places im staying there will be one but the idea of being unable to know my weight for the next few weeks is sending me into a really bad place ahhhhhh fuck

What do you wish your parents had done differently surrounding food?
/u/imokayjustfine [5'7 | CW: 179 | GW: 115 | -158 lbs]
Created: Sun Jul 15 23:34:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8cbh/what_do_you_wish_your_parents_had_done/
So I've been thinking about making this post for a while...but tonight Purposely Triggering Myself On The Internet has gone a bit too far, it seems, so now feels like a fine old time because fuck it.

I am so obsessed with how I'm eating right now. I'm just constantly planning, constantly preparing, calculating and re-calculating. It takes up a whole lot of energy. It occupies so much space in my mind, I am really starting to worry about it superseding everything.

I have two kids though. Two and four. They are my entire world. They mean everything to me, without a doubt. They are my number one priority.

But I'm scared about how much this could be affecting that, quite frankly---how much this could be affecting them. I'm just. Really, really scared.

I'm terrified of them picking up on my disordered behaviors and can't stop wondering if I'm already setting them up for having fucked up relationships with food. I mean, I started addressing my binging and losing weight in the first place really primarily because I *didn't* want to be setting a shitty fucking example for them... Of course, I didn't realize I would find myself getting this Obsessed.

I don't know. I am pretty conscious of trying to feed them fairly well without assigning any moral value to foods, like I never actually refer to foods as "good" or "bad" or anything. I also try to give them the impression that I'm also eating three normal meals per day, even though I'm, uh, very much not. :/

What else should I be specifically remaining conscious of during this time, if anything? Did any of you have parents with eating disorders or parents who displayed ED behaviors? Or do you think your parents played a significant role in you developing your ED or ED behaviors?

What could your parents have done differently in that regard? What *should* they have done differently?

[Rant/Rave] Little Sister, I Love You but Please Stop
Created: Sun Jul 15 23:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8avm/little_sister_i_love_you_but_please_stop/
So I ran back down to hometown to get some supplies and my hair done. The worst thing was buying pants. I couldn't fit into H&M size 4 slacks, even though I've been wearing size 2s I purchased in December, but the Small leggings fit and argh, who sizes women's clothing? Anyway. When we were checking out at another store, she asks me if my size 2 jeans from an entirely diffrent retailer used to fit looser (nope. They've always fit like they do.)

I'm trying to not let my bad habits rub off on little kids, especially since last year when the oversized oaf of a brother told my scrawny, 12 year old brother who runs and plays fairly active sports, and most importantly probably isn't producing enough hormones to put on copious amounts of muscle, needed to go on a cut (his nice, fitness branded word for restriction) in order to get gains. No I'm not making this up and he's really like this. But it's really fucking hard. These kids used to go along with the rest of the family's thing with picking apart my body and eating habits to the point I still don't like kitchens that aren't my own because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat (which started becoming a major issue when I was 15.) And most of the time they're such good kids, and I'll take on the world for them, but my god why are you like this?

I've started cooking food whenever I'm hungry
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 23:02:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z85nf/ive_started_cooking_food_whenever_im_hungry/
I don't eat it, IO partition it in tupperware and label with the calorie count- I'm making food faster than I can eat it (well, allow myself to eat it). My freezer is full of soup and my fridge is full or ready made meals- Does anyone else do this? Make food to avoid eating? It's so counter intuitive.

I'm combing my pantry and fridge to figure out what I can make with what I have left

If anyone has a low calorie recipe using kalamata olives, got cheese, oreos, salsa, fiber bread, and olive oil let me know, lol

Wisdom teeth, actually easy?!
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:49:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z83at/wisdom_teeth_actually_easy/
I dont even need to worry about food.

this is the easiest four days of my life. liquid diet, half of which i barely finish on top of plenty of painkillers to keep me loopy and my appetite down.

I feel so at ease. I wonder if i can keep this broth and low cal sports drink diet up once I can open my mouth fully. I still think about solid food sort of. I vaguely want to crush a few bags of ruffles and an entire pizza followed with some Chipotle but its on the back burner.

Maybe i can keep up this liquid diet after I'm healed. I might try to get a weigh in soon.

one can hope <3

a babble about my ideal body
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:38:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z80x1/a_babble_about_my_ideal_body/
It’s literally just Audrey plaza in the to do list I think when I first watched it that was the exact moment I developed my ed I know it’s so bad to idolize other people’s bodies but hers (to me) is exactly how I want to look like (my goal is by the end of the year)

[Tip] My orthodontics help “reset” my diet
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:36:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z80m2/my_orthodontics_help_reset_my_diet/
I can’t help but look forward to every 6 weeks of my braces being tightened for the help in avoiding food. I use it to get my body used to my restrictive calories again. Who wants to eat when your teeth are killing you?! Straight teeth and losing weight goals over here.
Appointment tomorrow and excuses for friends and coworkers ready! -“Sorry, can’t eat that, my teeth hurt”
Marked as a tip if anyone was thinking about braces :)

I don't know how much longer I can stand
/u/paavllova [🌸 5'5 • 99 lbs • 16.5 • f 🌸]
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:29:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7z8f/i_dont_know_how_much_longer_i_can_stand/
I just want all this to end

Finally back on track 😇
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:29:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7z3d/finally_back_on_track/
I plateaued about 3 weeks ago despite restricting hardcore (70-300c) and went absolutely nuts.I binged to get the whoosh but it didn't work so I kept binging and gained 12 pounds of water weight in 3 days. It came off so slowly that I got upset and binged several more times over the last few weeks.

I decided to start fasting again, got my period and FINALLY! the last of the water weight is gone and am on track to break the original plateau tomorrow morning!! I'm so happy! I feel like I'm finally moving on from the shitty last 3 weeks! :D

Just wanted to share my happiness! Thanks!

[Other] Thank you so much r/proED
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:22:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7xmr/thank_you_so_much_rproed/
I just wanted to come on here and say thank you. This subreddit has helped me so much. It provided a community of such kind humans who understand each other’s struggles. It is so hard to find people who can understand without judging in the real world. I felt extremely alone until I joined r/proED. I feel like support is one click away, and for that I am incredibly grateful. 💖

[Discussion] DAE ever feel like they are a failure if they aren’t being self destructive?
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:03:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7tdq/dae_ever_feel_like_they_are_a_failure_if_they/
Like today I overate, So I compensated with laxatives but they aren’t working so I feel like I need to self harm. Does anyone else do this or am I totally fucked in the head?

[Help] A man just screamed “Fat Bitch” at me from his car
Created: Sun Jul 15 21:59:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7slb/a_man_just_screamed_fat_bitch_at_me_from_his_car/
I don’t know what to do with this. I’ve had one slice of buttered toast, 1/2 a Hershey bar, and two 100 calorie coffees today. I’m doing the best I can. I’m 40 pounds down. I still look like a fat bitch. I was gonna have a chicken breast and some pasta for dinner, but... I don’t know if I can now.

Created: Sun Jul 15 21:58:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7s9s/im_back_on_my_bullshit/
I've been gone from reddit for a month. I was being pretty good but I just binged so god damn hard I crave death lmaoooooo

[Goal] Lost 50 pounds, can’t fit into any of my clothes
Created: Sun Jul 15 21:57:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7s7b/lost_50_pounds_cant_fit_into_any_of_my_clothes/
Today I woke up and I was thin enough that none of my pants fit me. Looking at my shirts, they are also starting to fall over my stomach in weird ways, either bunching up or looking way too loose. It’s nice that I can see progress, but on the other hand I’m sad I don’t look good my favorite outfits anymore.

Was 278, now 230. I might have to replace my whole wardrobe if I continue.

[Intro] Surprisingly small amount of guilt
Created: Sun Jul 15 21:29:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7lzt/surprisingly_small_amount_of_guilt/
Hey all, I’m new to this subreddit, I hope that’s ok. I’ve been lurking a while but I figured I’d try to post something since I find myself coming here literally all the time. It makes me feel kind of a sense of peace to see people going through similar things

So basically I just wanted to get this off my chest because it’s something I’m sort of proud about but I can’t really talk to anyone else about it, aside from my husband

My husband wanted pizza for dinner today and I figured “I love pizza. It’s fine, I just won’t eat anything up to dinner time” but he convinced me to eat a small-ish lunch. I ate a lean pocket. I get this mind set where I sometimes think “it’s ok, I’m going to the gym today and I’ll burn a tonne of calories so I don’t have to feel guilty for eating more than 800 calories today”. So I went to the gym with a friend, burned a tonne of calories and then came home and ate 2 slices of cheese pizza and some French fries. And I didn’t feel completely guilt ridden afterwards. Just a little guilt ridden

If anyone read this, thanks :)

I just ate a handful of Thai chilies to suppress my appetite
Created: Sun Jul 15 21:21:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7k30/i_just_ate_a_handful_of_thai_chilies_to_suppress/
Figured if I couldn’t taste anything, I wouldn’t want to eat.

Would not recommend. If I didn’t eat ungodly levels of spice I’d probably be in pain right now. But mainly because it didn’t work.

So I am probably going to do to 7-11 and buy one of those cheese & peanut butter cracker things. I’m on my period and peanut butter is fucking haunting me.

[Discussion] What's yall's favorite gum?
Created: Sun Jul 15 21:15:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7iph/whats_yalls_favorite_gum/
I'm looking for something where the flavor lasts a super long time, figured I'd get some suggestions from yall! So what is your favorite gum brand? And favorite taste?

[LONG RANT] about my last post...
/u/NIN_88 [5'3 | SW: 128 | CW: 99 | GW:88 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 20:25:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7721/long_rant_about_my_last_post/
So I'm sure some of you might have seen my last post, which got downvoted into oblivion and was percieved as very hateful, I just wanted to apologize for my angry and hateful tone. I was very angry when I wrote that post and my intention wasn't to be rude. And I'm not writing this to gain sympathy, I'm writing this to make a point: not all of us act the same under stressful situation. Some of us cry, some of us come here for a shoulder to cry on, and some of us just straight up blame (or even attack) others because of our own problems. And here's the thing: if you know someone who acts like this, aka. Raises their voice at others for no apparent reason, is always argumentative, or even straight up bullies others - verbally or physically abuses them, then there's a high chance that that person suffers as well. I know that bc I used to be a bully myself. And the biggest problem with those people is that usually their problem wasn't caused by anyone, so they feel lost because they don't have anyone to blame for their problem, so they will just go and blame innocent people. That's usually the case when a loved one dies, so they can't just blame nature or God for it, so they go and blame whoever is available. Fun fact: my biggest childhood bully was a girl whose twin sister died at a very young age. And you know, while that same girl hurt me in many ways, verbally and physically, I still think that both I, and as well the person reading this, should at least understand where that person is coming from. We are all here because we suffer, but if next time you see a person here who starts spreading anger and hate, even tho it is rude and unacceptable and SHOULD be called out, please understand that this is just their coping mechanism and still show love and sympathy.

That being said, while my tone was rude and disrespectful, I still didn't change my opinion on what I originally wanted to say in my last post. Yes, you guys were right on this: my problem weren't (and shouldn't be) the underweight ig models. My problem however, is our culture. My problem is the nature of our brains and how as humans we're easily influenced. But of course, those things are not a person and I can't blame them, right? While I can't say publicly who those ig models were, I can easily tell that they do in fact have some sort of ED, judging by their behaviour. Those girls are not healthy skinny (like a VS model), those girls had thighs smaller than an average persons bicep and 90% of their posts were pics of their body parts (chest, thighs, waist etc.) And yes, while that isn't really relevant and we shouldn't pick on them or attack them bc they're already suffering enough, I atleast wish they would understand how posting, say, an image of their very skinny thighs affects their viewers. Like it or not, everything we observe affects our way of thinking, but not always to an extreme. Here's an example: of course, it's absurd to think that any boy who plays violent video games will grow up to be a terrorist, but here's a fact: studies have shown that kids who played video games grow up to make better decisions (which makes sense, considering video games are full of those "yes or no" questions). Similarly, while not every girl who sees a skinny girl on ig will suddenly develop a full blown ED, it will still affect her image in the future. I saw my cousin, a perfectly normal, healthy weight, even well proportioned 130lb 5'6 woman in her 30's getting mad over some skinny chick in a commercial, wishing she was her, which is just absurd - and that's exactly the product of constantly seeing unhealthy thin girls in media. Honestly, I'm glad that nowadays, more and more healthy weight and healthy skinny models are being promoted.

Now back to the ig models, I'm following a girl on ig who admited that she has an ED. She has a huge ig following. She is a very pretty girl, has a BMI of 14, all of her pics are just body checks, OOTDs and the like. And you know what's the difference between her and those other ig models I was mad about in my last post? Her account isn't public. She monitors who follows her and who doesn't and I have far more respect for her than any of those models. Since she has an ED, she doesn't want any impressionable kids to see her body as beautiful because she knows as well as I do how much image can affect us and that anorexia is NOT beautiful. That's what I call responsibility.

When youre doing the weekly shopping and youre a week into a very intense period of restricting
Created: Sun Jul 15 20:18:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z75i7/when_youre_doing_the_weekly_shopping_and_youre_a/

[Help] I live alone. Next week, I'll have a guest here for six days. SOS
Created: Sun Jul 15 19:56:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z702o/i_live_alone_next_week_ill_have_a_guest_here_for/
Living solo is amazing. I get to spend all the time I want planning and weighing my meals, nobody can judge me for having pickles for breakfast, or for fasting, or getting on the scale 10 times a day...

One of my best friends is going to be here for A WHOLE WEEK. I'm their only contact in this area, so we're going to be spending a lot of time together. Basically I'm not going to be alone. Ever.

I'm not willing to be open with them about my quirks. They have a tendency to worry and give too much advice.

My plan right now is this: Track everything as best I can in mfp after I eat, panic, be as hungry as I can for as long as I can, panic, weigh myself when I go to shower, panic, have nothing but salad when we go out, panic, weigh out and bag portions before they get here, and, yeah, keep panicking.

How do you deal with guests??

An ED and pregnancy just don’t mix.... long post.. sorry
Created: Sun Jul 15 19:36:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6viy/an_ed_and_pregnancy_just_dont_mix_long_post_sorry/
So I’ve struggled with food and my weight for a long time now.... I used to go days without eating and then binge junk food just to fill the void. More recently, I started purging after I ate anything because it was easier to just eat in social situations than try to explain why I wasn’t touching the food.

But things have changed... I found out I was pregnant in April and I’m about 4.5 months along now. I was really sick the first 10/11 weeks of my pregnancy, so I lived on chicken broth, apple sauce and ice chips. My weight actually dropped about 10lbs (which made me feel good) but according to the charts and the doctors, I am still overweight for my age and height.

Now that I’m further along in hot pregnancy, and I’m not sick all the time, I feel ravished. And I’ve gotten sucked back into this vicious cycle of where I overeat to the point that I feel disgusting and then force myself to purge everything. I know this is so unhealthy for my growing baby, and I feel unbelievably guilty. But i just can’t seem to stop. I am starting to gain weight back, which I know is “normal”, but I feel disgusting all the time.

I feel lost and completely out of control. And I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt my baby, but I can’t stop and I hate myself even more for that....

(If this post isn’t allowed, please delete it. I just needed to put this out there, because maybe someone gets it..)

Don't know if this has been posted before but- Illustrated depiction of the whoosh!!
Created: Sun Jul 15 19:32:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6uih/dont_know_if_this_has_been_posted_before_but/

[Discussion] Learning how to navigate work... any advice?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 19:31:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6u51/learning_how_to_navigate_work_any_advice/
I mentioned on here before (I think) that I got a new job and I’m still trying to figure out how to make it ED safe. They have a huge culture of going to lunch with people and I don’t want to miss out on that since it’s a good opportunity to network, but also all of the food in the cafeteria is scary and I don’t want the people who work at the Starbucks to start judging me for ordering the same thing every day.

On a sort of related note, my work has an on-site gym which is great! But my question to you all is- how do you freshen up after the gym when you can’t take a shower? I want to take advantage of the gym but I don’t want to be gross for the drive back home. Not strictly ED relayed, but I thought you guys might have some ideas.

Another friend started questioning my eating habits...
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 107.8 | -30.2 | F | G: 95]
Created: Sun Jul 15 19:15:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6qe5/another_friend_started_questioning_my_eating/
I've been very social and now have a lot of friends. We usually do activities that require us to spend the entire day together. I spent the entire day with a friend and apparently he's been watching what I've been eating. He summarized what I ate and then made me eat... I had similar experiences with other friends. I'm going out of town with another group of friends for the weekend, and I'm a bit anxious about what they will see and say. We're spending 3 days together - sleeping in one room and eating all of our meals together. They will notice...

I'm getting mixed messages. While I may not be eating enough/am starting to get "too thin" I'm starting to get a lot of male attention. I went clubbing with somebody else, who earlier in the week said that I should eat more of my meal, and he was squeezing my butt and holding me really close while we were dancing. So wtf? Am I too thin or am I hot?

Doctors appointment panic/how to be honest?
Created: Sun Jul 15 18:51:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6kug/doctors_appointment_panichow_to_be_honest/
Hi Everyone.

I'm panicking - just got back from a week of vacation, didn't realize what I'd set myself up for this week. Advice, commiseration, etc all would be lovely. I'm off work sort of tomorrow and flexible the rest of the week for various work related reasons so at the time of booking this all made sense:

1. Monday, 11am: regular doc appt. this was going to be fine (I am not completely honest with him...)but they left me a voicemail while I was gone saying I needed to call them about my last blood test. I didn't mean to (really) but I accidentally got the blood test done after 4 days of only coffee/water. I'm assuming it's my potassium again but I can't call them now and omg panic.

2. Monday, 3pm: dentist. My hygienist is really nice. She doesn't know I had a (thankfully minor) stroke in January. So that's going to suck to talk about. And I've dropped a lot of weight since I saw her in early January (...69lbs as of this morning, and I'm still a fat ass). Bulimia has been back in a big way since the stroke and if I'm not b/p'ing, I'm not eating. I'm sure there's enamel damage.

3. Wednesday, 8am: ED treatment intake...the social worker on the stroke ward way back in Jan insisted I make an appt. I met with them once in June and this appt is supposed to determine whether I "actually have an eating disorder" (direct quote and, as a fat ass, has flipped me the fuck out). I don't know that I want recovery until I hit my goal. I haven't told my regular doc about it and just...ugh. What if I go and they tell me there is no ED, just fat and lazy?? If they do accept me, it'd be therapy 2x/week plus a group, I think?

4. Friday, 8am: Psychiatrist. Again, connected by stroke ward social worker. My second appt, My first one I walked out with scripts for Vyvanse, Clonazepam, and Sertraline. I love them all and am having a hard time controlling myself with them - the Vyv especially. I work long hours every day and that stuff is amazing to keep me focused and not eating...until night comes and I b/p like crazy.

None of these appts know about the others. I know I should be honest (hello, stroke wake up call) but I just...can't. I either want everyone to just leave me alone or someone to completely take over my life and make it all better, but no one can. The one person who can (my best friend) died July 5, 2016. My family is...overbearing. They're so happy I'm losing weight and not embarrassing them anymore.

And I'm a fucking 36-year old, gainfully employed female working my dream job...I can't fuck that up so no one I work with can know anything - I took two weeks off after the stroke and they've all thankfully forgotten I think.

How do you talk to doctors? I never really went before the stroke - I tried to get one a couple times (SW Ontario) but have no kids/family and was told I was not a priority so just stopped trying and used walk in clinics.

TL;DR my life is a disaster and I don't know what to do. I am too old for this shit. Sorry for the rant.

[Help] I’m going to a restaurant tomorrow and have no idea how many calories the food is
Created: Sun Jul 15 18:43:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6irv/im_going_to_a_restaurant_tomorrow_and_have_no/
I’m gonna get a crepe with brown sugar, strawberries, and custard. I don’t know how many calories that is and I’m freaking out. I’m gonna have a light breakfast of just one piece of French toast. Which is 154 calories. I wanna stay below 500 tomorrow since the weekend I’ve been around 1000 each day.
Any tips on how to approach this is welcome!

[Rant/Rave] Cried in a grocery store today
Created: Sun Jul 15 18:38:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6hoq/cried_in_a_grocery_store_today/
So today I was out shopping with my mom for groceries. We walk in I just wanted to get stevia for my coffee. She tells me get whatever you want. So I went down the chip aisle and started crying. And people were staring at me like I was stupid. Settled on pickles and a zero cal drink. I’m so sick of my eating disorder taking me away from being a normal human. I just feel like recovery is so far from ever happening. I’m not even sure what I wanna say. I just know that I feel more accepted here. I’m so grateful for this community.

The biggest problem about it are the compliments
/u/throwawaybecausenone [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Sun Jul 15 18:28:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6fcz/the_biggest_problem_about_it_are_the_compliments/
I think the worst thing about all of this is the one i enjoy the most:

I've lost like 20lbs and I've got SO many compliments. I think I've never felt this appreciated in a long time, and I love it but on the other side i feel kind of sick.

I know they don't know what's going on inside my head but still, I just don't know what to think about this bitter-sweet feeling.

[Help] Advice on losing 9 pounds in 2 weeks?
Created: Sun Jul 15 18:02:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z68tl/advice_on_losing_9_pounds_in_2_weeks/
I thought that I wouldn‘t be able to go on summer vacation with my friends this year but plans changed and I just found out on friday that I CAN GO. Problem here is I gained a good amount of weight binging and not caring about gaining because noone would be seeing me in a bikini this year anyways. Now that there is no way around it, I need to lose those pounds... what are your best tips? This is my first time aiming for a „bigger“ weight loss in a short amount of time and I don‘t reall know how to go about it. Should I low restrict mainly or do high restricting coupled with some fasting? Please hellllpp me i‘m at a loss but i don‘t wanna feel like a disgusting pot-bellied pig in front on my friends.

[Discussion] Things you miss out on because of your ED-
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 85lbs | 16ish | -?lbs | f]
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:59:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z680b/things_you_miss_out_on_because_of_your_ed/
kind of a bummer of a post but...

- Donating blood. This is a big one for me. I was so excited on my seventeenth birthday, and there was even a blood drive at school that week, but then I learned I'd have to be 30lbs heavier.

- Cute clothes. I'm pretty much damned to dress like a hobo between my insecurities and straight up being too petite to fit in anything.

- A nice meal out. God, the look of disappointment on anybody's face when I emerge from the bathroom after what should have been a lovely dinner.

What do y'all wish you could do if you didn't have this disorder piggybacking on every aspect of your life?

[Other] Whoever did the math for this, wherever you are, you the real mvp
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:53:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z66kd/whoever_did_the_math_for_this_wherever_you_are/

[Help] Any tips for stopping the hunger?
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:45:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z64tp/any_tips_for_stopping_the_hunger/
Im at 140 pounds and i find myself repulsive, i feel like im going to be sick everytime i look in the mirror. So ive decided to fast for 5 days, im on day 2 and im getting hungry so do you guys have any tips on not breaking the fast? Tg hank you!

I have so many post on this but.
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:39:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z63jk/i_have_so_many_post_on_this_but/
I’ve been doing OMAD/ Intermittent Fasting.

So Yesterday I was done with all my calories by 9:00 AM.

At 1:00 AM I ate the calories for today.

And at 3:00 PM, I ate my next set of calories for tomorrow. I was waiting until 12:00 AM, but I had a 15 hour fasting period and it isn’t like my body’s going to reset at 12:00 AM.

From today and on, I am doing my OMAD at 3:00 PM everyday.

So anyway, my question was, does it really matter when you eat? As long as theirs a fasting period that gives your body time to burn all the calories you consumed.

Will I gain for eating at 3:00 PM today rather then 12:01 AM (which would’ve been considered the next day)?

Sorry for asking so many questions on this subject, it’s probably very irritating at this point. I’m just so lost on what to do.😫

[Discussion] I'm SO hungry today!
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:18:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5ye7/im_so_hungry_today/
I limit myself to 800 calories a day and use SHYE to limit myself to eating no more than 6 times a day. I have 378 calories left, which is fine, but only one space on SHYE left. I've been starving today and I keep going to the kitchen for something small so I don't binge and now I don't know what to do. I mean, I'll be okay and this is the dumbest thing for me to stress about, but I'm so stressing.

[Discussion] mybodygallery.com
/u/nekkedpebbl [Height 5'2" | CW 108lbs | GW 100lbs| -8lbs]
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:10:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5wem/mybodygallerycom/
Tfw you look up [height, weight] to see if you’re actually a flabby bag of doughnuts or if it’s the dysmorphia seeping through and you find a website full of *body goals*

Am I dumb and everyone knows about this already or...

(ALSO recs for any other sites like this cuz I’m tired of crawling through r/pro free pics for thinspiration lol)

[Rant/Rave] gained a lot and I feel awful
Created: Sun Jul 15 16:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5r0f/gained_a_lot_and_i_feel_awful/
sorry if this post doesn’t belong here but I feel awful and I’m not sure where else to post and I need to get this off of my chest to people who might understand

the past year I used binge eating a lot as a coping mechanism (thx bipolar disorder) and I weighed myself for the first time in a really long time. I’ve gained about 15 pounds over the course of the year and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this bad about myself tbh. Like it’s just this crushing feeling of inadequacy and I knew i had gained, but I didn’t know it was this much. I used to be the skinny friend and now I feel fat and ugly

A huge shoutout to all those who sacrificed calories in order to eat halo top today.
/u/tuesdayschildis [5'7|132 lb|20.6|GW:125]
Created: Sun Jul 15 16:47:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5qv6/a_huge_shoutout_to_all_those_who_sacrificed/
It’s National ice cream day, and I want to take a moment to honor all those who are too fucking afraid to eat the real thing and are downing some halo top today. I hope one day we can all feel good enough to get an actual god damned cone without spiraling. Bless.

R/fasting at it again
Created: Sun Jul 15 16:36:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5o8t/rfasting_at_it_again/

Well I WAS having a good time
/u/GodSaveAmerilesbiana [Height 5' 7.5" | CW 119 | BMI 18.4 | GW 115 | UG 110 | Gender F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 16:35:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5nv4/well_i_was_having_a_good_time/
God fucking dammit
Mods please flair because I'm on mobile.
So I fasted before this vacation.
And now I'm letting myself kinda be a little carefree with eating, like it's only three days and I can undo the damage quickly enough
But fucking no
I literally ate an éclair because a relative kept offering, immediately after I ate it he started going off about how I was gonna eat him out of house and home.
I went to recycle a water bottle about an hour later and he kept going off about how much I was eating.
I want to vomit.
And earlier he had made fun of how little I ate at lunch.

[Discussion] DAE actually like the feeling of weakness post-purge?
/u/MadamePoppycock [5'4 | 129 lbs | 21.7 | -70 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 16:29:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5mej/dae_actually_like_the_feeling_of_weakness/
Something about it makes me feel so light, and as long as I dont have anything to do, I love to just lay in bed and enjoy it.

6lb in 2 days
Created: Sun Jul 15 15:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5d6q/6lb_in_2_days/
Urgh! I caved! I was doing so well and then I gave in...
6lb in 2days wtf!?!

[Rant/Rave] Trouble with my SO
/u/shiveryourselfskinny [Height 5'2 | CW 122.6 | BMI 22.4 | Weight Lost 26.9 | Gender F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 15:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z59k2/trouble_with_my_so/
So I’ve been fasting and apparently I’ve lost a lot of weight (my flair is very out of date) and look really different, but I can’t tell beyond obvious things (fuck dysmorphia), for instance I’ve gone down a cup size and all of my bones are a lot more prominent. Him and I have been apart due to my traveling and I never send pictures (or even take any) because of a lack of confidence. He knows about my ED and when I mentioned the cup size thing he said he wanted to see a picture of me. Reluctantly I send one and I can tell he’s unhappy. He said he liked the “old me” better and that he wishes I hadn’t lost the weight.... he said that he was going to “try to learn to love my new body”. Guys I’m really happy with my weight loss (still not even close to done), but hearing this just makes me want to binge and cry.... does anyone else have similar stories? How do you cope with your SO not liking your weight loss?

[Rant/Rave] I get free Starbucks when I’m working now!
Created: Sun Jul 15 15:16:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z53vk/i_get_free_starbucks_when_im_working_now/
I work for a non-profit and the Starbucks next door gives us all free coffee when we come on our breaks. Now I can get all the venti iced black coffees I want! I can finally afford my awful habits lol

Goodbye r/proed
/u/ethereal-ethernet [5'6 | 118 | GW 103 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 15:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z534l/goodbye_rproed/
Hey guys, this sub has been such a great support system for me but I’ve decided to really make an effort to semi recover and change my body image/mindset and I think this sub would be too triggering for me.

I’m going to try and eat 1200 a day and stick to my running schedule to lose down to 108 lbs. And then try to maintain. I know it’s not super healthy but I think it’s the furthest I’ll be able to go. Kind of a compromise with myself.

Love y’all <3

[Rant/Rave] My mom refuses to believe that I’m anorexic but still tells me I’m “too skinny”?
/u/gatechnightman [5'8" | CW: 130 | GW: 110 | UGW: 100 | Female]
Created: Sun Jul 15 14:38:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4tpq/my_mom_refuses_to_believe_that_im_anorexic_but/
Every time I see her she tells me I am too skinny. I’m still at a normal BMI. I’ve told her multiple times that I’m anorexic and she always says, “well you eat around us, I don’t think your anorexic.” No shit I eat around y’all, that’s the only time I ever eat cuz I don’t want them to stop making me lose weight. I don’t know, it just bothers me.

Hunger Hurts Now
Created: Sun Jul 15 14:29:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4r9c/hunger_hurts_now/
Does anyone’s heart and chest area as well as your back hurt when hungry? Only recently has this been happening.

Help!! Magnesium supplement for constipation
Created: Sun Jul 15 14:28:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4r1i/help_magnesium_supplement_for_constipation/
Hi guys :) I just can poo norally anymore! Ive tried everything, now I'm trying magnesium citrate supplements tonight because I have heard they help.

FOR THOSE THAT KNOW; IS there a difference between a "magnesium" supplement vs a "magnesium citrate" supplement? Because I only see bottles labeled "magnesium" at my local CVS pharmacy.

Only lost 10kg in 1 year
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Sun Jul 15 14:16:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4nt3/only_lost_10kg_in_1_year/
I'm disappointed in myself. I'm determined to make the next year better.

[Goal] Tmi:I pooped!
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:45:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4f3x/tmii_pooped/
On my own with no laxatives! I'm so happy!

EDC or MyPancakeAddiction?
/u/Deadpiccolo [5'9 | CW: 152 | BMI: 22.4 | 66 lbs lost | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4cxm/edc_or_mypancakeaddiction/
So since MyProAna is basically dead, it seems like the two main options now are MyPancakeAddiction and EDC. I personally prefer EDC, but like Pancake's aesthetic. What are you guys planning on doing? I'm probably gonna use all three now tbh because it seems like MPA is going to still exist, but it looks like a lot of people moved to both pancake and EDC.

Eating Habits Help
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4cvz/eating_habits_help/
Quick context: Former bulimic nearly 1 month purge free. I have reached the place where I don’t want to lose any more weight. I simply want to maintain and lower my body fat percentage.

I’ve been sweet/chocolate free since 1st July because of issues with binging. I was trying to do a 30 free challenge but I don’t know why anymore. I want to have more of a normal diet but I don’t know how. I feel like I’m too restrictive and I’m still losing on the scale. I feel like I’m missing out on life. A warm hot chocolate, ice cream with the family turned down because of some self inflicted challenge.
Do you think I should ease up? How do I do that while maintaining and living a healthy life? I’m going nuts

Does anyone else have no one in their life that knows about their ED/no one to talk to about certain things?
/u/Highoffempty [5'9|CW: 143.3 | GW: 120 | UGW: 106 |Lbs lost: 16.7]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:32:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4bcc/does_anyone_else_have_no_one_in_their_life_that/
No one in my life knows about my ED. It's isolating. Also there are soo many "off topic" things that I can't discuss with the people in my house because they react strangely in my opinion.

It feels really lonely. I just wanted to know if there are other people here in this position that just hold so much inside.

Do you ever feel like you're going to burst sometimes? I don't know if that makes sense...but sometimes the feeling that I have no where to turn that will understand me is very overwhelming and sad.

tfw costco has a 4-pack of halo top on sale...
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 putridaffection]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:30:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4azr/tfw_costco_has_a_4pack_of_halo_top_on_sale/
...and it’s the flavor you hate. whyyyyy

[Help] I get really bad stomach aches after eating oily foods not made at home
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5| 100 lbs| 19.4| 18F| Exploring Recovery]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:20:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4848/i_get_really_bad_stomach_aches_after_eating_oily/
I'm in the middle of a budget meeting that still has 2+ hours to go. I decided to have a veggie wrap that seemed to be a whole wheat tortilla with red peppers, mushrooms, corn, beans and lettuce in it as well some sort of oily sauce.

I ate half at around noon and then my stomach hurt for an hour until I drank some tea after which is subsided until it was gone. I then had the second half an hour ago and don't want to go pee again so my stomach has been in high key pain.

I used to experience really bad stomach pain in the evening for a few days every few years plus I used to violently throw up after eating fried food. The thing is, this hasn't happened in a while.

Anybody know what's up?

[Help] Research survey: Would you seek help for eating disorder symptoms (female 18-30 years)?
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4758/research_survey_would_you_seek_help_for_eating/
**Social emotional functioning and help-seeking in young adults (females age 18-30) with eating disorder symptoms**

Hi everyone, my name is Sofie, and I’m currently undertaking a Master’s at University College London (UCL), Department of Psychology & Human Development. **I hope it's okay that I post this survey, my apologies if not!**

For my Master’s dissertation, I’ll investigate the potential association between social emotional functioning in young adults with eating disorder symptoms, and associated help-seeking behaviour. A better understanding of this would be highly valuable in order to increase help-seeking rates for eating disorder symptoms, so that as many people as possible can be helped at an early stage.

Invited participants for the study are females between 18 and 30 years of age, who experience any kind of eating disorder symptoms, of any degree. The data will be collected through the online platform Qualtrics, where interactive digitised tasks exploring social and emotional functioning will be used together with questions regarding eating disorder symptoms, help-seeking behaviour, and social emotional functioning. It is expected that the data collection will take approximately 20-30 minutes. The online tasks and questions can be completed in one session, or be saved and completed over several sessions. **All responses will be completely anonymous and confidential.** The project has been approved by the ethics committee at the Department of Psychology and Human Development at the Institute of Education, UCL.

Further information about the project, data management and confidentiality is provided if you click on the survey link: [https://uclioe.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_6lBmBTeVCxHBJY1](https://uclioe.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6lBmBTeVCxHBJY1)

**Important! There is one question on current weight, and several potentially sensitive questions regarding eating disorder symptoms.** The first page is information only, and you can decide whether you want to take part or not after reading the information. My contact details can be found on the information page via the link.

Your help completing this online questionnaire would be highly appreciated – it is not the easiest topic to find participants for, but it is very close to my heart so I’m hopeful that I will be able to get a large sample. If you know anyone who would be interested, please just pass on the link.

Thank you ever so much!

With best wishes,


[Rant/Rave] Everything Involves Food
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:12:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z45un/everything_involves_food/
I’m struggling right now 😫 I want to have a social life but it seems like everyone just wants to go out to restaurants or spend money. Like can we just watch Netflix at your house and drink diet rootbeer

[Rant/Rave] Finally a good day!
/u/tuesdayschildis [5'7|132 lb|20.6|GW:125]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:11:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z45m3/finally_a_good_day/
I’m coming off a 1.5 week binge fest that resulted in hell weight gain. I seriously thought all was lost but my antidepressants finally kicked in and I have NO appetite today! I’m at forcing-myself-to-eat level of hunger today. It’s such a welcome relief considering the entire past week or so was fucking terrible.
Today is exactly the kind of day I needed to break a bad fucking binge streak.
Gonna ride out the Wellbutrin high and hopefully drop down hella quick this week. I’m excited to see the scale moving in the *right* direction.
I hope everyone else is having a good day, and if you aren’t, I’m sending positive vibes out into the universe and your way. Things will look up, promise.

[Rant/Rave] I don’t belong here nor anywhere else
/u/Grellous8 [5'6.5" | Fatkunt | 16M]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:02:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z42vr/i_dont_belong_here_nor_anywhere_else/
I see everyone here with so much self-discipline and restraint and here I am sitting at home after yet another binge. I’m a monster and I can’t control myself. I used to be able to stop eating whenever I wanted. I don’t even want to lose weight. I just want to stop feeling hungry all the time no matter how much I eat. Holy duck I’m a mess.

[Other] I Want to Disappear [possible TW]
Created: Sun Jul 15 12:43:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3xvk/i_want_to_disappear_possible_tw/
The only time I’m winning is when I’m losing.

I may look like I’m at my weakest, but I feel stronger than ever.

I feel in control when I’m starving,

Unstoppable when I’m dizzy,

High when the clothes that were once too tight to put on, won’t stay on.

You see these dark circles? These sunken cheeks?Hell yeah, you bet I feel pretty.

I’m exhausted, yet determined.

The dedication,

The results,

The success,

The control....

The control;

I feel accomplished.

I feel proud.

I feel like somebody.


When they notice,

I feel anxious.

When they question,

I’m terrified.

When they look at me with concern,

I feel vulnerable; naked almost.

When they monitor,

I’m humiliated.

When the once positive comments turn negative,

I feel judged.

I can’t stand feeling judged.

I feel conflicted.

I justify the binges.

I start to gain.

I feel afraid.

The comments stop, the concern leaves,


The silence is worse.

I retreat inward.

I feel like nobody.

I just want to succeed. I just want to feel proud. I just want to feel accomplished.

I just want to be somebody.

I just want to be left alone.

I want to disappear.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like im not worth the recovery clinic
/u/lxelan4862 [✽5'3 | CW 104 lbs | BMI 18.4 | GW 98 | Female✽]
Created: Sun Jul 15 12:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3xhn/i_feel_like_im_not_worth_the_recovery_clinic/
My parents have been trying to get me eating normally, so naturally my weight may have increased due to water retention from eating "normally" (but feeling extremely guilty about it). Since we didnt bring a scale to our summer home I honestly don't know if I'm still underweight, if not I'm afraid that I'm not worth the attention that the recovery clinic gives their patients. The ed side of me is telling me that in order to "deserve" recovery and attention I have to lose weight since I dont "look the part". Weird and totally wrong mindset, ik, but at this point my ed is pulling on whatever strings are still free to pull on..


Feeling Trapped.
/u/greeneyedgeminigirl [5'6 | CW150 | GW105 | -39 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 12:35:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3vmy/feeling_trapped/
I suffer from chronic pain, and have swung between restricting and binging my whole life. The pain has gotten so bad recently that I can't eat. I just vomit it back up almost instantly because of the pain.

I feel so weak, but at the same time I feel like a failure because I haven't lost even a pound because of all the IV fluids they've pumped into me.

I hate this.

My current thoughts on separating my 'self' from my ED.
/u/aerienne [5'4" | CW: 139.0 | UGW 105 | 25/F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 12:33:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3v1k/my_current_thoughts_on_separating_my_self_from_my/
When my ED first began, I dove straight into the tumblr rabbit hole of thinspo and ana/mia shit. Ana and Mia were these other creatures who whispered things and wanted to make me better. It was so fucking 'Lifetime movie'.

Got older and my ED was still there. But it was part of me. No, some fucking skeleton thing called Ana wasn't whispering to me nor standing over my shoulder. I simply had an eating disorder and food was an issue. It's interesting how even an eating disorder can mature.

Right now, I'm pushing Ana/Mia/ED/whatever back into their own box. I'm trying to establish some serious stuff in my life and my anxiety is at an all-time high and my ED would love to have a field day. I'm treating it like a whining toddler. I can say that the feelings are valid, but I will not be bossed around nor let it control my life.


I'm talking with a really great guy right now. I've never been physical with someone and I'd really like to. Now I know you can simply push your ED away. It's like telling someone with depression to stop feeling like shit. But I've been trying to find out what's 'me' and what's my ED talking.

I'm conventionally attractive and about a size 6/8. Would I like to weigh 40 pounds less? Of course. But it's going to take time. In a few weeks, I'm meeting up with guy and I want to let him touch me without feeling like I'm going to hurl.

It's taking a lot of reassuring to tell myself he won't be disappointed in my body. When he puts his arms around me, I want to feel butterflies in my stomach from excitement and not anxiety.

Because I have a few weeks until this happens, my mind chimed in with 'Don't eat, work out like crazy, and look hot'. Yet I know that's not an option. My rational mind knows better, so I'm dismissing such negative thoughts as my moody toddler ED. He's seen me in person and is still talking to me.

I'm also trying more to see myself as others do. This guy said he's not as active as he used to be, but I think he looks like a damn model. I literally don't see the flaws he's claiming he has. But millions of people are in physical relationships and don't look like a Victoria's Secret model. Do you know how difficult it is to convince myself that I'm good enough as is?

My plan for the next few weeks does include trying to better myself physically. A guy doesn't just pop in my life and 'wow, thanks i'm cured'. But it forced me to not get as caught up on my thoughts. Here's what I'd like to work on until I see him:

- Take my vitamins and try to eat a bit healthier.

- Eat. My ED is screaming for me to fast. I want to more than anything. But I won't. It's not binge or fast. There is a middle ground and I'd like to try it.

- Stay active. I'll feel better anyway.

- Don't pick at my skin.

- Get more comfortable with my body. I will often be covered up, avoid looking in the mirror after a shower, etc. I want to say 'Yes, but my body could be improved and I'm working on it, but I accept it as is today.'

- Be realistic.


EDs are such a weird thing. Everyone's experience with them is a little different. I truly believe it's like being an alcoholic. Even if you've been sober 50 years, you still call yourself an alcoholic despite not partaking in the actions. My disorder is with me forever. But I can work on how much of a voice I give it. I know the things that make it better/worse. But I am more important. Life is more important and I want to really live it.

Why I can never recover-- because this is how people see us when we're weight-restored
Created: Sun Jul 15 11:42:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3ggq/why_i_can_never_recover_because_this_is_how/

[Help] Slowing myself down while cooking
/u/CharlieJScarper [5'1/2" | 96lbs | 18.3 | FTM:cat_blep:]
Created: Sun Jul 15 11:36:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3eja/slowing_myself_down_while_cooking/
I made my own low-calorie coronation chicken today, and you guys! It. Was. So. Good. I had it on rice cakes and felt so much better afterwards.

But my god, the PROCESS. It would be so easy if I could just follow the recipe and eat the result. But no, I have to spend so long checking and double checking the amount of each ingredient and the calories in it. Adding 1/3 cup of yoghurt turns into checking the ingredients for sugar and fat content, working out how many calories are in it and converting cups to ml to grams and back all while keeping a running tally of the overall calorie count. Repeat x10 for all the ingredients. Then before I can eat, I have to measure out the correct anount which means weighing the whole lot and taking exact double-checked portions. After that it's time to calculate the total calories per meal, so I weigh the sandwich and then the plate separetely, subtract the weight of the plate, subtract the weight of the rice cakes and work out the calories as a proportion of the full amount. Then add the calories from the rice cakes to that.

By the time I'm done I'm so drained and frustrated with myself that I don't even enjoy the food I allow myself that much. What on Earth can I do? I'm not even sure if this is disordered or just something normal people do to get the correct calorie counts for the things they make.

Does anyone else do stuff like this?

[Discussion] Anyone else's SO hate skinny?
Created: Sun Jul 15 11:27:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3bxk/anyone_elses_so_hate_skinny/
So my wife has noticed i'm losing weight and as she doesn't know about any of my ED past, I have told her I'm just dieting. The problem is she keeps saying how I look like I'm wasting away and she hopes I don't get too skinny :( I'm still a completely healthy BMI as I was overweight when I relapsed. Today she told me she's worried she won't be attracted to me if I'm properly skinny and tbh what the hell do I do with that? I don't want to endanger my frickin relationship but I CAN'T STOP and I DO want to be thinner. I also don't want to tell her about my ED soooo..... any advice? This plays on my mind a lot

My dog won't eat unless I do
Created: Sun Jul 15 11:19:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z39cf/my_dog_wont_eat_unless_i_do/
I'm in recovery...sort of. I still have a lot of disordered habits and mindsets but I'm working on them, slowly. I think my dog knows this on some level and is trying to be an accountability buddy, or maybe I'm way overthinking it, but she's recently started to do this new thing where she won't eat at all unless I eat a meal. A little nibble on a cracker or a single grape won't do, it has to be a meal sized amount. Once I'm done, she'll eat.

Sometimes it's super triggering and I'm finding myself eating when I don't want to, so she won't suffer, but other times I find it incredibly sweet.

[Rant/Rave] Cute Splenda find!
/u/Andersoncooperspenis [5'6 | CW:😭 | GW:115 |-29| F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 11:01:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z354t/cute_splenda_find/

[Help] Bf is back after a month. Wants sex, I’m worried he’ll trigger me.
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sun Jul 15 10:55:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3383/bf_is_back_after_a_month_wants_sex_im_worried/
My boyfriend gets in from a month long vacation later and wants sex. I don’t really have much of an interest in sex right now but then again - I have no interest in anything really.

I’m in quite a rough place and would like to gain weight, but I have doubts about whether I’ll be able to for h8m them finding me unattractive, or that I’ll be triggered when he comments on my body.

I like him a lot, but I don’t feel able t9 hold a meaningful relationship that won’t hinder any recovery progress. What do I do?

[Discussion] where does the medically advised "average woman maintains on 2000 cal a day" stat even come from
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Sun Jul 15 10:45:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z30hk/where_does_the_medically_advised_average_woman/
the nhs states that the average woman maintains on 2000 cal a day (and the average man on 2500)
literally where does this come from???
im 5'5" (so average height) and my tdee is 1600-1700. im so ???????

[Discussion] does anyone else just love seeing their ribs?
Created: Sun Jul 15 10:17:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2t8y/does_anyone_else_just_love_seeing_their_ribs/
i love seeing the outline of my ribs through my skin

/u/DontLickIt88 [5’8”| CW: Land Whale | GW: 115 | 29F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 09:51:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2med/onederland/
Yeah, still weigh land whale sized, because flipping between BED and EDNOS is a bitch, but I’m back under 200lbs (198.6 lbs to be exact). Only 2 more pounds to be just overweight (I’d like to be there before my bday on Sunday). Small miracles, and one day hopefully soon, I’ll be back at my smallest of 125 and then I’ll be even smaller after that.

When you starve yourself 25 pounds down into underweight within 3 months and your best friend asks you whether you've gained.
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 125 | 18.08 bmi | gw: 110 | 18f]
Created: Sun Jul 15 09:49:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2ltt/when_you_starve_yourself_25_pounds_down_into/
I have to get a little something off my chest, sorry if it's a long read. :(

My best friend Katrin, her boyfriend/my other best friend and me went out; we hadn't seen each other in a long time, and I was wearing hotpants. I actually just reached anopther GW (125!!), so I allowed myself a huge bowl of rice and teriyaki chicken and some bubble tea to make myself a lil happy. 1.5K calories so what, I swam for 3 hours yesterday. I deserved that.

She's an incredibly sweet, but honest person, so I genuinely wanted to hear what she thought about my weight- you know, from someone that isn't stuck in my body dysmorphia.

My body doesn't show it very well, but I'm underweight. I was a bit bloated from all the food, but still. So she looked me up and down, grabbed my butt to see if it had gotten smaller (that's totally fine by the way, it's not offensive, just in case you guys might think that) and says "I mean, maybe you've laid on a pound or two, but you still look lovely."

I lost over 1/6th of my body weight. I wear a smaller pants size than my 14 year old, skinny sister, I weigh only 4 pounds more than her. Huh??

I was sort of expecting her to say something that went against what I thought of me? Like, I know the number on the scale has gone down, but I can't see it. But now she has kind of confirmed my body image and now I actually feel like I haven't lost shit and need to lose double the amount for it to actually show. It's fucking me up at right now. I feel so unworthy of this, of my weight, of the weight I've lost, of food.. of everything.

The dumbest thing is.. she's a bit chubby; she's a bit smaller than me, but weighs what I used to at my SW (~150 pounds, give or take 2). She's absolutely beautiful. But you know, rationally, there's no way I could still be at that weight. Nevertheless, I feel like I am. And I tried to have that proven to me by somebody else and it didn't work, and now I just feel awful. I think I could use a hug. Or, you know, a 110 on the scale instead of a 2 in second place. This sucks.

Reminder that linking to posts on other subreddits is not allowed.
/u/daeboo [5ft1🌸98lbs🌸19F🌸]
Created: Sun Jul 15 09:41:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2jv1/reminder_that_linking_to_posts_on_other/
I realize that rule 5 is one that the mods have been lax on enforcing. Given the trend on putting certain other subreddits on blast, and the brigading that's been happening as a result, this is genuinely the sort of thing that could get the subreddit banned in the future.

Users can help out by reporting any posts on other subreddits. I wasn't personally around when the original mods wrote the sidebar rules but currently the purpose of the rule is to protect this subreddit.

Throwback pro Ana websites?
Created: Sun Jul 15 09:18:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2eg3/throwback_pro_ana_websites/
Someone mentioned old school pro Ana on here recently and now I’ve been feeling nostalgic for those old websites but I can’t remember many of the names. Does anyone remember that sepia and purple one with the two blonde corseted fairies in the top banner or the xanga site proed university or whatever? I was fucking obsessed with that shit in highschool (like I needed any extra “tips and tricks” lol)

[Help] Stupid scale
Created: Sun Jul 15 08:45:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z26vs/stupid_scale/
Can restricting make me retain water weight? I’ve been restricting heavier (<500cal instead of my usual 500-1000cal) for a few days and the scale hasn’t budged. So frustrating.

[Help] Weigh in tips?
Created: Sun Jul 15 08:24:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z21tn/weigh_in_tips/
So, my mom thinks I’m recovered and is making me go to a relapse prevention group every Wednesday. But I’m pretty sure they will weigh us and idk how to hide my weight loss. I heard that you can put quarters in your pockets or bra or something and maybe I could do that but idk. Do any of you have tips? Please?

[Discussion] Has anyone heard this yet? I can’t stop listening. I loved Florence already but holy shit!
/u/fuckingusernamee [4'11| 105| 21.2 | 30 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 08:17:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2031/has_anyone_heard_this_yet_i_cant_stop_listening_i/

Any guys?
Created: Sun Jul 15 08:06:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1xh2/any_guys/
From my personal experience I haven’t met anyone other then me who’s a guy with ano and was wondering what’s the actual statistic for guys?

Possibly tmi
Created: Sun Jul 15 07:59:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1vs0/possibly_tmi/
My period has been unusually light this time. I’m kind of new to EDs and stuff, mine only recently developed. Yesterday was day three and it was practically gone by then, and usually day three is still somewhat heavy for me. I also know that your period stops coming if you have an ED. So, is this like a sign that my period is going to stop coming or something?

[Other] Turned 23 today...
/u/captain_peanutbutter [5'5" |95lbs |16.02|22F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 07:05:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1kwo/turned_23_today/

*Happy birthday to me,*

*Happy birthday to me,*

*I'm binging on pizza,*

*Happy birthday to meeee!*

(sorry, mods, I know this is a bit of a shitpost, so feel free to remove if necessary. Just needed to vent via song.)

That terrifying moment
Created: Sun Jul 15 06:56:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1j25/that_terrifying_moment/
When my husband makes me a HUGE pancake but I'm saving my OMAD for a half of a burger later. So when he goes to shower I chop it into bits and put it in a plastic bag and then scoop out the cats litter box to hide the evidence.

I kept thinking he was going to walk out before I was done!

Everytime i hear that diets dont work and nearly everyone regains the weight i loose a couple extra pounds to be safe
Created: Sun Jul 15 06:45:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1gw2/everytime_i_hear_that_diets_dont_work_and_nearly/
Im trying hard to maintain atm, being officially diagnosed with ednos has thrown me for a loop. But honestly these so called experts going on about how inevitable it is that i will go back to my highest weight and then some is doing my head in. Just wondering what everyone elses thoughts are on this diets dont work theory

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 15, 2018
Created: Sun Jul 15 06:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1aof/daily_food_diary_july_15_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for July 15, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
Created: Sun Jul 15 06:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1ao4/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:

* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found

14lb down and feeling worse than ever.
/u/MySecretKittyCat [5'1"| CW:126 | BMI:23.7 | WL: 14lb | GW:115 | F23]
Created: Sun Jul 15 05:30:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z13hw/14lb_down_and_feeling_worse_than_ever/
I used to weigh 108lb a few years ago and my weight has slowly crept up since. I gained a lot late last year due to uni stress and depression, up to 140lb. Now I’m down to 126lb in 5 weeks through restriction, but I just feel worse than ever about myself. I’m scrutinising my body after every 1lb loss waiting for it to start resembling what it used to but I see no change.

I recently got a job at my highest weight, and because of that the staff know me as I was at 140lb. They’ve noticed and have been really heavily praising me for my weight loss, but in my head I don’t deserve it, I’m just fixing my weight gain mistakes and trying to get back to normal...

I enjoy the praise in the moment, but afterwards I just feel like a fraud.

Does anybody else feel like this?

Calm after the storm - can anyone relate?
Created: Sun Jul 15 05:16:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z11d6/calm_after_the_storm_can_anyone_relate/
Tonight I couldn't focus on my assignment, I got home from a ridiculously hectic day at work and instead of making the healthy meal that I planned I ended up bingeing on an assortment of horror in my share house kitchen. Naturally I felt like human trash, especially after I messaged my boyfriend and found out that he has eaten way less than me today and is content and not hungry. This led to watch you expect; purging, crying in the mirror while grabbing flesh, look at unflattering tagged pictures of me on facebook. Finally hopping out of a warm shower and sipping some water, I feel a sense of calm and refocus. I am in a brief window of peace between what just happened, and I have at least a day or two of restricting before succumb to weakness again. For now I am warm, and finally I can sit down and focus on my assignment no longer obsessed with the question of will I or won't I give in to food.

Does anyone else experience this sort of cathartic relief after b/p, regardless of how violent or emotional the session was?

Broke my fast, but I'm not as angry/depressed as I usually feel
/u/ExistentialKoi [6' | CW 230 | BMI 31.08 | GW 140 | M]
Created: Sun Jul 15 05:15:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z11ak/broke_my_fast_but_im_not_as_angrydepressed_as_i/
Welp, I broke my fast just now and ate about half a loaf of banana bread lol. I was on Day 3, and I'm a little bummed about having to start over. At the very least, I made myself drink a bunch of water; that definitely helped in snapping me out of it. At least it tasted good, but now I feel all... heavy. Even just sitting here to write this is making feel anxious.

I'm gonna go for a walk now and play some Pokemon Go.

[Discussion] Anyone else like this?
Created: Sun Jul 15 04:49:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0x2y/anyone_else_like_this/
I could go MONTHS (3 months is my longest) eating normally, not caring if I ate over a certain amount of calories, looking at myself in the mirror and being okay with it, looking at thinspo and thinking that they're actually *too* skinny... Well, I'm like that right now. A couple months ago, I would hate my now self. Wasting all of this time without making any progress...

It's a cycle, and I've been through it a few times. I ended up hating myself by the end of it and here I am again. I probably won't go to how I was like before or maybe I will but as of now I'm okay. Okay with how I look like, okay with eating normally, okay with myself. I'm scared I'll go back to my disordered thinking again but if (when?) I do I know that I'll be glad that I snapped out of it because I didn't look "okay" and didn't waste any more time actually thinking that. Hah.

[Rant/Rave] It’s like the universe is telling me ‘don’t consume anything’
Created: Sun Jul 15 04:37:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0v20/its_like_the_universe_is_telling_me_dont_consume/
Was with some friends, they decided to have pot noodles and I opted for yoghurt. It went off, despite it being a week from it’s due date. Then as we’re about to leave I quickly grab my coffee to sip on and there’s a dead bug in it.

The day before, I went out for dessert with the same friends and at the place we went to they didn’t have my usual order :(

Idk I’m probably making a big deal out of nothing but it’s just bad luck, this kinda stuff never really happens.

[Other] purging...prolapsed stomach???
/u/prettyplease2468 [5'5 | CW: 111.2lb | BMI: 18.5 | GW: 107 | SW: 124 | 18F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 04:05:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0q8i/purgingprolapsed_stomach/
After Venus angelics video on her weight loss surgery and discovery that she was always hungry because of her prolapsed stomach

Im so afraid that I have it

I just binged purged for 4/5 hrs straight and I have this terrible pain in my stomach

I'm afraid my purging will prolapse my stomach

I want to stop purging so bad but I can't

Who else abuses the Instagram Layout app?
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"1.5 | CW: 104 | HW: 130]
Created: Sun Jul 15 04:05:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0q7j/who_else_abuses_the_instagram_layout_app/
It allows you to have pictures side by side, allows zoom in and out to perfectly align one body size to another...I use it to compare body check photos from different time frames, celebs, random people on the internet...honestly its a drug 😅 I had a happy moment when I compared to my favorite idols body and realized we look relatively the same.

[Rant/Rave] Ate so much more than usual... lost weight???
/u/fuckingupleftnright [5'7" | 117lbs | 18.32 (old), 18.26 (new)| -33 | F | gw: 115/110]
Created: Sun Jul 15 03:53:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0o7x/ate_so_much_more_than_usual_lost_weight/
I've been restricting again for a week because I was on holiday and didn't want to gain from eating out all the time- didn't even want to lose.

Felt like a hungry pit for the last 2 days (except when personal issues came up but that was for like 6 hours and then I ate again).

So the day before yesterday I weighed in at 117 and proceeded to eat:

- boiled egg and buttered toast

- 2 fried eggs, bacon, buttered toast

- large gelato cone

- gyro/souvlaki

- grapes and cherries


- boiled egg and 2 slices buttered bread

- spanakopita

- cookie

- boiled egg and bacon and mayo sandwich

- packet of crisps

- 2 apples and skyr (late at night )

This morning I weighed in at 115lbs... wtf.

How is it when I'm eating 500 calories a day I GAIN? Then I lose now? Weird as fuck.

The worst part is that I want to maintain 117 because I don't want to worry anyone. But now I've lost I feel like I'm spiralling and will want to lose more and get down to 110lbs like I originally planned...

Lost 5lb again. Been losing and gaining the same 5lb since I was 16
/u/tartansheep [5'9.5|23.61 | 166lb|-1lb| GW:115lb]
Created: Sun Jul 15 03:50:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0nuj/lost_5lb_again_been_losing_and_gaining_the_same/
It’s just so annoying

160.5lb today. I started at 170 actually so I am so very close to hitting 10lb lost.

But since I have been weight restored I’ve been gaining and losing the same 5lb or 10lb for years. I guess I just have to keep going ...

[meta] Is it possible to make the mod team a bit bigger?
Created: Sun Jul 15 03:38:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0lx5/meta_is_it_possible_to_make_the_mod_team_a_bit/
So, this community seems to have grown a lot within the last year, we have more than 26000 subscribers and there are at least three or four new posts every hour. I noticed that there are only 9 moderators right now, some of them don't seem active anymore (haven't been online in 6+ months, hope they just left because of recovery and aren't hospitalized or dead 🙁) and some seem to have REAL BAD SHIT going on in their lifes right now, those have other things to worry about than moderating a subreddit. So we only have three or four active mods left.
The mod team is still doing an amazing job, I love this community, y'all are so supportive and kind! However, this sub might simply be too big for 3 or 4 mods, and lately, I've seen an increase in rule violations (rule 5 in particular). I worry that this will be the straw that breaks the camel's back when it comes to the future of this subreddit; reddit admins banned a lot of mental illness related subs lately, especially those that aren't recovery-related and have a more accepting mentality to those who aren't ready to seek help. I'm worried that we will get banned for vote brigading if links to other subs keep getting posted. Maybe one or two additional mods would help? Maybe even from different timezones so that somebody is reachable while the American mods sleep.

I wanna emphasize that I DON'T think that the mod team is doing a bad job! Not at all! I'm just really paranoid about proed getting banned and this sub is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes lol.

[Rant/Rave] Just had to eat a fry up because my dad made it for me
/u/shonamairead [5'6 | CW - fat | UGW - 110| F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 03:20:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0j6q/just_had_to_eat_a_fry_up_because_my_dad_made_it/
My dad made a fry up for the family this morning and I had to eat it because everyone was sat at the table and now I feel sick thinking about all the oil that was used and the amount of fat in the sausages and bacon and fried bread and now I want to be sick

[Goal] How to self sabotage and hate your self, another memoir by me.
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 130 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 20 F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 02:29:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0bre/how_to_self_sabotage_and_hate_your_self_another/
So I've been off my meds for a little over two weeks now, withdrawls have been hell. I had to stop my medication suddenly because I live in the states and am trying to get state Medicaid and it is damn near impossible. The main thing is they want paystubs from June for the job I quit in feburary... so I sent them the last paystub I had (a whopping 30 dollar stub and I got paid monthly) and they denied me because I didnt give them what they wanted -.-

Any ways due to the sudden withdrawls I have been self medicating with pot, and obvs have been getting the munchies. And now that I am almost over with the withdrawls I can start focusing again on loosing weight. I got under 130 for the first time since highschool (3 years ago) sometime two months ago. Now I am at 135. So basically 140 like a pig ugh.

But now I am setting my first goal as 125. Then decrease by 10 each time I reach a goal. Maybe if I have small goals I can work towards I wont be tempted to binge as much.

I also will only be eating 800 cals a day. 64 oz of water and will have tea with no sugar or diet soda to crave hunger pains.

I got this. I am in control (lmao) and I will not fail.

[Rant/Rave] Fell off the wagon but don’t want to recover
Created: Sun Jul 15 02:15:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z09t1/fell_off_the_wagon_but_dont_want_to_recover/
Some days I can’t seem to start restricting again and I start binge eating without being able to stop and other days not even fasting feels like enough. Either way, I can’t get the thought of being thinner out of my head. I’ve been trying to eat without counting for the last 2 days in the name of being “healthy” but it just turned into me binge eating and now I can’t push back the urge to eat even after I’m full. What’s wrong with me

[Goal] I lost my first kg in 4 days!
/u/flowercrowndaisies [164cm | CW: 54Kg | GW: 48Kg | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 02:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z07jh/i_lost_my_first_kg_in_4_days/
I’ve only been gaining weight and 4 days ago I started getting really strict with myself. Without even meaning to I finally lost my first kg! I’m so happy, but also scared. I’m always scared that my breasts will get smaller because they’re the one thing I like about myself. I’m just hoping I’m losing the weight in my thighs and stomach.

[Rant/Rave] rambling.
Created: Sun Jul 15 01:58:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z076f/rambling/
my boyfriend can eat almost anything he fucking wants & stay ripped. i can't LOOK at a fucking MINT without gaining weight. it makes me really wish i were just dead. i'm so tired of dealing with this. maybe dying a bit early would be okay as an end here. i feel so bad for existing when i feel so fat.

How do you balance your alcohol intake?
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 114.2 | GW 101 | WL 3 | F26]
Created: Sun Jul 15 01:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z014q/how_do_you_balance_your_alcohol_intake/
On all counts: Type of booze, how much, when...? I tend toward clear liquors, stay away from beer and wine. And if I haven't eaten, I definitely feel it more, but then I have to remember to balance my intake so I don't get sick/become a wreck.

Need help with a friend who keeps complimenting ppl with ED on weightloss
Created: Sun Jul 15 01:15:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z00vm/need_help_with_a_friend_who_keeps_complimenting/
Basically I know someone who always seems to compliment other ppls bodies when they lose weight and I feel like this contributed to one of my other friend's ED. This is because when she complimented my body a while back, I felt this strong urgency to 'maintain' my weight to ensure she would continue 'validating' me and I ended up with a severe ED at (85 pounds 5'4 height, I'm still recovering). Even when she knows the person has an ED, she keeps complimenting their weight loss, and I fear that my other friend now has an ED. How do I tell her to stop commenting on ppls bodies because when I brought it up onc, she said "Oh, but some ppl are the type to develop an even worse ED if ppl don't compliment them!" and I didn't really know how to respond to that. Sorry for such a long post but if anyone could help me, that would be great!!

Compliment ppl with ED on weight loss?
Created: Sun Jul 15 01:05:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yzz5t/compliment_ppl_with_ed_on_weight_loss/
Basically I know someone (person 1) who always seems to compliment other ppls bodies when they lose weight and I feel like this contributed to one of my friend's (person 2) ED. This is because when person 1 complimented my body a while back, I felt this strong urgency to 'maintain' my weight to ensure she would continue complimenting/validating me and I ended up with a severe ED at 85 pounds (5'4 height). Person 2 seems to be in the same position and I'm very certain that person 1 contributed to her current ED, because even if she knows the person has an ED, she still comments on their bodies. How do I approach person 1 to stop commenting on ppls bodies because I brought it up once and she said "Oh, but some ppl are the type to develop an even worse ED if ppl don't compliment them!" and I didn't really know how to respond. Sorry for such a long post but if anyone could help me, that would be great!!

0 calories at Sonic- pro tips
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'7" | CW 129.8 | GW 100 | NB | 18 | 🍑: lightningmcqueef69]
Created: Sun Jul 15 00:22:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yzsbg/0_calories_at_sonic_pro_tips/
i just quit my job but if you live near a sonic here's some cool stuff:
44oz cups of ice are 65 cents and you can ask them to add slush flavors to it for 15 cents each.
mango, pickle, and diet cherry are all 0 cal and taste really good, plus the ice cools you down bc summer is brutal
stay hydrated y'all ✨✨💙

[Rant/Rave] First comment
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 107 | GW 100 | 18FtM]
Created: Sun Jul 15 00:04:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yzpf1/first_comment/
i got my first comment about my weight loss this relapse, my cousin who i hadn't seen in 2 weeks (i lost 10lbs when i was visiting my dad) looked me up and down and went "you been eating?".

i know it's sick, but i missed comments like that. it felt good. agh :(

ruptured esophagus
Created: Sat Jul 14 23:03:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yzeg7/ruptured_esophagus/
Has anyone suffered / dealt with or known someone with a ruptured esophagus? Or have trouble swallowing?

On and off I've been having trouble swallowing and I fear this may be an issue I will have to address soon...

[Discussion] DAE Fantasize about being on shows like Intervention?
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 85lbs | 16ish | -?lbs | f]
Created: Sat Jul 14 22:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yzct3/dae_fantasize_about_being_on_shows_like/
I'm obsessed with shows of this nature and I always find myself lusting after getting my own episode. A big part of it is the attention. I'd adore weighing in on TV and showing off my bones and explaining the motions of a binge/purge session. I guess another part of it is that I feel like if i'm going to be this sick, I at least deserve some recognition/cash for it, but mostly, yeah, I just want to bask in the glow of being a clinically diagnosed freak and feeding the human fascination with oddities and misfortune.

What time do you eat your meals?
Created: Sat Jul 14 22:35:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yz94r/what_time_do_you_eat_your_meals/
What times do you find it best to eat your meals? It’s 12:34 AM and have no idea when I should set my OMAD.

Looking for comfort in my old community
/u/Idunnoking [5’1 | CW87.6| GW95 | 16F✨]
Created: Sat Jul 14 21:58:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yz1hx/looking_for_comfort_in_my_old_community/
So I’m nearly at the end of my recovery, I’m already in a healthy bmi range but my team wants me to gain until 21. I have 5lbs to go. I’m on a meal plan & I rlly don’t want to be on on one anymore as I feel like this final stretch would be a great way of practising intuitive eating but alas, that doesn’t seem to be what they have in mind. Anyways, I’ve definitely experienced extreme hunger but lately I’ve been struggling w/ night time eating :-( & by that, I mean bottomless hunger by evening that leads to borderline binging behaviour . I just ate like a whole box of crackers, sugary cereal, & peanut butter, out of the jar. I feel so stupid as I don’t know if I should give in or not. I’m v anxious as before my restrictive ed, I overate ALOT & had a severely toxic relationship w/ food as a comfort/coping mechanism. I’m terrified to tell my team as I’m in family based treatment & they’ll make my parent take more control over my food again and that will depress me to no end. I’m also fucking angry they’re making me gain still when all these ppl ik going through treatment maintain on the low end of the healthy bmi range. I wouldn’t even care if they had told me I could of stopped gaining a while ago, and I gained to this point, as Atleast it would be my choice and I could make peace with that decision. I’m rlly struggling w/ urges to relapse skksnsfj
Sorry for even posting this, I unsubscribed a while back while going through this but I missed this community as the recovery community is actually more dangerous as many ppl aren’t even doing so, they’re just lying & continuing w behaviours. I missed the honesty and love everyone here possesses 💓
Anyways, I’d appreciate any advice greatly

[Discussion] DAE stalk other reddit users and find out that they go on this subreddit too
/u/tangerine_twist [5'8 | CW: 157 | GW: 130 | 19F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 21:07:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yyrb5/dae_stalk_other_reddit_users_and_find_out_that/
Sometimes I see a girl on lose it or some other random subreddit and end up looking through their post history just to see that they are on proED too! It always surprises me but somehow comforts me.

what’s the most desperate thing your ed made you do?
Created: Sat Jul 14 20:59:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yypl1/whats_the_most_desperate_thing_your_ed_made_you_do/
mine was throw up into cups...ew

First "binge week" ever, feel like shit
/u/leftshoelauren [5'3"F | SW 185 | CW 162 | GW 110 | 🍑 tinyren]
Created: Sat Jul 14 20:43:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yym8n/first_binge_week_ever_feel_like_shit/
I feel like absolute shit and just need somewhere to vent/rant

Tuesday was my birthday. I ate way more than planned and felt like shit. Swore I was going to do a fast afterward and I absolutely haven't lol.

Wednesday was ok. No eating.

Thursday? My roommate took me out to get wings and drinks. I ate an appetizer at the wing place (still way too caloric for comfort) and ordered a vodka lemonade. Then we went out for dessert. Yay for a massive brownie with ice cream. I wanted to die.

Yesterday I went on a trip to a small nearby town with my dad. On this trip I ate a huge meal with way too many potatoes and I wanted to die.

Today I did *okay.* My roommate (obese) eats out SO often and now that I'm not that busy with summer classes, we have been going out a lot more. I ate bulgogi kimbap today and got coffee with boba for dessert.

Basically I've over-eaten everyday this week and I feel SO uncomfortable and my body feels disgusting. I refuse to eat anymore this week. I hit a new LW of 161 on Tuesday and now I've ballooned to 166. I know a lot of it is food and water weight but I haven't laxxed in ages and haven't had a BM since Tuesday lol.

I don't know what's gotten into me- I *never* binge. Since my relapse I've completely stopped "mindlessly" eating food. I've been stuffing myself everyday since Tuesday when I'm not even slightly hungry. I feel sick.

[Rant/Rave] The 18.6+ BMI, Doctors and that Dilemma
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 112 | 20.5 | -20 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 20:18:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yyh8b/the_186_bmi_doctors_and_that_dilemma/
I very clearly remember going to a doctor in January 2018 and mentioning my previous severe battle with ana that left me in the beginning stages of organ failure, and how I was showing those habits again. Obsessive calorie counties, impulsive exercise to blackout extremes, and so forth. I mentioned I was worried I was relapsing. The man took one look at my then-current weight and BMI, and said I was healthy and left it at that. Soon, I went to a psychiatrist, said the same thing, and he asked if I was trying to be in control of something.

I said no. I just wanted to lose weight and be underweight, but it wasn’t a ‘control’ thing. He said that wasn’t possible and immediately changed subjects. This persisted for months, and when I finally dipped to BMI 19, did they suddenly show a tiny bit of concern. Concern, as in ‘eat more’.

Now, I’m using my spite as a drive. My next appointment I will be 95 lbs at the very most, and I’m going to make sure I mention how they brushed me off and reconsider doing that to another patient ever again. The fact that I was not taken seriously when I could have been saved is my main motivator. God. Why am I like this?

Hooray for Glacier Cherry Gatorade Zero (found in a Walgreens in Miami)
Created: Sat Jul 14 20:06:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yyerf/hooray_for_glacier_cherry_gatorade_zero_found_in/

Alcohol and junk food
Created: Sat Jul 14 19:53:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yybzs/alcohol_and_junk_food/
The main staples of my diet. I would rather have 500 calories worth of candy than apples. Same goes for the alcohol. I always feel like I'm not a "professional anorexic" because of how unhealthy the food I eat is. Ed-ers who can eat nothing but cucumber all day inspire me. I'll probably never be this way though. The gas station and corner store will forever be my grocery market.

[Discussion] going all out or eating nothing at all
/u/AgreeableReplacement [22F🍒5'8🍒~100lbs]
Created: Sat Jul 14 19:39:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yy940/going_all_out_or_eating_nothing_at_all/
does anyone else have this mentality? like i can't just eat a portion and store the rest for later. i need to eat the entire bag/a huge serving or i fast. i can usually fast all day easily but once the evening rolls around i'll calculate my calories based on entire bags of things/huge servings of one thing. like 1000 calories worth of oatmeal, or a 1200 calorie bag of chips, or an entire pint of ben and jerrys lol. i can't trust myself not to inhale the entire thing.

[Rant/Rave] Sick of being harassed by people in other subs
Created: Sat Jul 14 19:28:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yy6o0/sick_of_being_harassed_by_people_in_other_subs/
I don’t know if any of y’all experience this but I get so much hate from people on other subs to the point I feel unwelcome posting/commenting anywhere but here. when people see I post on here, they downvote my posts and comments on other subs, privately message me hateful things, and sometimes call me out like someone on a post about tattoos who felt the need to comment “the OP is involved heavily in a pro-ed sub” like...okay? that’s irrelevant. i’m just so tired of it I feel so alienated by this website. anyone else?

[Discussion] Anyone get super hungry after a low day?
Created: Sat Jul 14 19:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yy0ht/anyone_get_super_hungry_after_a_low_day/
I've had a few days where my calorie total was in the mid 600s. I normally end up in the high 700s and the day after a lower day I'm ravenous. I feel like 100 calories shouldn't make such a difference but it really does for me. I've thought about carrying over unused calories to the next day but I can't manage to see a number over 800 calories for a day.

Anyone else experience this?

Discovered a new prevent-binge tactic. Every time I feel the urge very badly, I take a photo of me nude and draw it. I add flowers to make it pretty (I hate my body). Not only does this prevent a binge, it also helps my drawing (I know I’m bad lol), and tracks my progress :)
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:54:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxz9g/discovered_a_new_preventbinge_tactic_every_time_i/

I literally cannot purge
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:53:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxz0y/i_literally_cannot_purge/
I know purging is completely awful for you and I'm not wanting tips on how to purge, but I've tried just about everything and just can't seem to do it. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this experience. It feels like another thing to add to my list of personal failures :(

[Tip] Forgive your binges
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:50:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxyf2/forgive_your_binges/
I had been losing and today was a bad day. I ate over 1000 calories. However, it was still less than my TDEE. So I know I didn’t gain. If anything it picked my metabolism back up. And tomorrow will be ok because I’ll probably do a fast from 6 pm to 6pm tomorrow. And evening will be back to normal.
Binges happen. No ones perfect. They happen but don’t get side tracked from them.

[Rant/Rave] (Spi)Nacho average poem - beginni of de enD
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:49:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxy9b/spinacho_average_poem_beginni_of_de_end/
I done caved in
I tell my mate
Asked should I run
At dis low weight??

No or yes
We battle BUT choose
It gud do sport
I keep my shoes

Da fren is harsh
But truth fren sed
Continue starving:
Leave uni, be ded

We meet up soon
N i shud go
Da day we meet
Will end Nacho

Some time dis week
Love n leave ProED
Maybe to recovr
i lik the bred !??

ED side affects you like?
/u/paavllova [🌸 5'5 • 99 lbs • 16.5 • f 🌸]
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:49:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxy8z/ed_side_affects_you_like/
For me personally I love cold hands, feeling hungry, and when my stomach growls. I don't know why but when my stomach is satisfied, I'm not.

Selling my horse so I can starve even more (rant)
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:45:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxxbr/selling_my_horse_so_i_can_starve_even_more_rant/
Being an equestrian was my whole life until I developed an ED. It has been the only thing that makes me happy for a long time now, but I've gotten to the point where I'm too weak to ride. Even grooming my horse and tacking him up makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. I try to eat a little more so that I have energy to ride but I just can't fucking do it. I never thought it would come to this but I am literally selling my horse and quitting riding so that I can starve even more. I genuinely want to die.

[Rant/Rave] A cautionary tale
/u/fvck13r [5'10 | 118 | 16.93/16.51 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:35:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxv04/a_cautionary_tale/
I woke up this morning after having skipped dinner last night, got up to close the window shades and.....


Fainted and slammed my face into a corner. My nose is broken and I can’t exercise or do intensive activity for a while. I’m probably getting a nose-job though, so I guess it could be worse lol.

🙌🏻👌🏻🔥🙏🏻Restriction Pro-Tip🙏🏻🔥👌🏻🙌🏻


Binged at my boyfriend’s birthday dinner, couldn’t purge it up
/u/Throw068472929485829 [5'2" | CW: 122 | GW: 118 | UGW: ?| 21F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:32:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxuen/binged_at_my_boyfriends_birthday_dinner_couldnt/
Fuck me. I have no way to even calculate what I ate because the restaurant doesn’t post calories. This is what happens when I let myself have a night where I don’t worry about calories

[Rant/Rave] I fainted on my way to the fridge
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:08:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxou2/i_fainted_on_my_way_to_the_fridge/
And still my dumb brain was thinking 'i know you're literally dying but no you can't eat that cookie'. I hate living like this :)

I'm eating an apple now but I still feel so weak. Please don't allow yourselves to restrict to the point of fainting it isn't fun or worth it.

I know a lot of us binge, but anyone just binge drink and then binge eat?
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:00:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxmtf/i_know_a_lot_of_us_binge_but_anyone_just_binge/
So I'm very good at restricting, but then I have a drink (and thats why I'm the grossest I've ever been), then need another, then I get hungry and all of a sudden i've eaten six hot wings. Ughn, then I drink some more bc I dulled the drunkness with food.

I have been wallowing, I got laid off mid June and binge drank and ate for two weeks and gained 7 pounds and then I snapped out of it, and started the old regime up again and was doing well, but 7 days later only 2 pounds down and here I am drunk again and ate too much. But I will drink and eat more. Because drunk.

But I know, tomorrow I will fast and possibly be on my vomiting water near death bed.

Is anyone else suffering this way? I can't be the only alcoholic binger.

[Help] Dissociation/derelization
Created: Sat Jul 14 16:49:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yx5so/dissociationderelization/
Does anyone else dissociate or derealize way harder when they have been restricting? Also does anyone have any tips on how to avoid that?

What recipe do you guys make in bulk and eat on all week?
/u/mermaid_puppy [5'11" | 137lb | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 16:40:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yx3ud/what_recipe_do_you_guys_make_in_bulk_and_eat_on/
I’m super busy and wish I had one or two bulk recipes I could make on the weekend. Then I’d have a safe food for all week prepped. What do you guys peep in large batches?

[Rant/Rave] Told them
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sat Jul 14 16:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywv3u/told_them/
The shock of being at a new low weight and BMI 16.4 had me debating whether to temporarily stop running in order to lose weight less rapidly (or maintain idk).

After a lot of contemplation I told my friend I was struggling to decide what the best option is. It's been a while since I've had to do something as drastic, but hopefully they'll be able to help in my decision.

Meanwhile, imma sit here and drink my 235902th cup of tea and not eat lmao why am i like this

Created: Sat Jul 14 15:54:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywsij/struggling/
First post. Mostly a lurker because I find the candid conversation refreshing here and it helps me cope. However, I want to join the discord and I also just need to talk about this and I can't with anyone in my life.

I suffer from binge eating and bulimia. I don't always purge because I obsess about my teeth (ironic, right?). However, it has gotten pretty bad again. I was doing well with tracking my calories and making healthy choices. Then my Dad had two strokes in March. Things have deteriorated since then with my binging and purging.

I started seeing a psychiatrist to try and help my anxiety/OCD and now they think I have ADHD. She wants to put me on a medicine that helps but also works for binge eating. However, insurance doesn't like to cover it so we have been trying different doses of other medicines and it sucks. I hate bouncing around on meds and different strengths trying to find what works. I just want to try this new one because it sounds really promising.

Anyways. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

My ED trickery game is strong!!
Created: Sat Jul 14 15:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywpcg/my_ed_trickery_game_is_strong/
Today while out running errands my fiancé (who just found out about my ED this past week) wanted to grab some lunch at a sandwich place, but I’m going through a restriction phase and don’t want to eat anything. He convince me to eat something even though I was having anxiety about it, so I got the lowest cal sandwich as a lettuce wrap and ate a couple bites and was done. The thought of eating more than that was giving me anxiety, but in his loving way and thinking he was helping me with the ED made a deal that if I ate half of what was left he would finish it for me, which I accepted and just ate the lettuce off the outside and left the meat and cheese on the inside. He said that was cheating because he meant eat half vertically and not horizontally but I claimed he didn’t clarify to begin with so I was done and I won. Haha

Halo top is in Canada superstore!
/u/welpthatreallysucks [♀ 5'4" | ⚖ 205 | -31lbs| 🇨🇦]
Created: Sat Jul 14 15:20:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywkby/halo_top_is_in_canada_superstore/
Oh dear merciful Zeus! I just found halo top in superstore. ALERT TO CANADIANS

So excited!

[Rant/Rave] I hate my period
Created: Sat Jul 14 15:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywk4a/i_hate_my_period/
It makes me go insane with cravings. I’m so weak. I always give in to the cravings and then hate myself after. I hate binging. I hate feeling full. I hate eating everything. My body looks so huge and bloated, I can feel the fat on my face and it makes me so so uncomfortable. I keep ruining my fasts by binging on stupid shit and then getting incredibly mad at myself. I’m supposed to be going to the beach tomorrow and I keep sabotaging myself. I know I don’t feel good after, I know it’s not worth it to eat, I know I’m going to hate myself and not have fun tomorrow.

Sorry, don’t mind me, I just needed to rant real quick. I’m just upset and feel like a big ugly balloon right now >:(

[Other] Almost every single day I ruin my restricting with a binge. I hate myself. 😭
Created: Sat Jul 14 15:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywhur/almost_every_single_day_i_ruin_my_restricting/

DAE jaw clench while restricting?
Created: Sat Jul 14 15:04:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywgb3/dae_jaw_clench_while_restricting/
I find I do this frequently. Most of the times it's subconscious but sometimes I feel like if I create this seal with my jaw then my willpower to restrict increases...

Either way, I've been trying to stop because it hurts and tenses up. Does anyone have any tips?

I'm bouncing for now. I love you all.
/u/AnAccidentSince1997 [5'10'' | CW: 183 | GW: 160 | Weight Lost: 42 lb | F 21]
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:55:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywdw3/im_bouncing_for_now_i_love_you_all/
I'm going to seriously try to recover. I might not be successful and I might be back at some point, but for now I'm going to unsubscribe.

I love you all. This sub has been great for me and has helped me not fear or feel so ashamed of my ED. I know people look down on communities like this, but that's because, from the outside, they don't see all of the support and growth that can come from here. Once again, I love you all and wish you all the best.

[Other] add me on peach!
/u/biztit [5'8" | 125 | 18.8 | female]
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:48:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywcac/add_me_on_peach/

It’s like the Twitter I’ve never had!

[Rant/Rave] summertime sadness
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yw9u7/summertime_sadness/
***honestly just ignore this lol unless u wanna hear me cry about weight & GAINING IT BACK IN THE SUMMERTIME but you’re welcome to vent or rant about the same in the comments ly***

does anyone else gain weight in the summertime? i know it’s like, by the book for restrictive or otherwise intended weight loss eating disorders to lose weight in the summertime, and i’m one of the ones who of course wants to / is not happy if i gain weight bc obviously i wear very short/tight/showy clothing in summer but fuck. here’s a quick backstory & my problem...:

ever since i went to [drug] rehab april 17, 2017 i noticed a pattern. when i was getting clean i gained weight of course, i continued gaining weight when i got out. i gained 22 lbs just from rehab and the month after. i guess i was still assuming and hoping with all my being that i could get high again and would lose all the weight once that happened, but long story short i will be in very big trouble with both the law and my SO if i did/do lol, so thankfully that hasn’t happened, but i didn’t fully start to face the reality that it wouldn’t until my 21st bday that september. so i turned back to my eating disorder behaviors for distraction, company, and its own personal high.

thanks to that (plus the depression and panic of a couple personal/family tragedies) i slowly lost the weight throughout fall & winter. spring i pretty much maintained. and it gets warm and boom here we are again.

my weight hasn’t gone up *that* much but i’m going crazy at how much more often i want food and think i need it cuz of cravings even when i’m soooo full that it hurts. (it’s bc of all the JUNK my SO’s dad has in the house that i remember these foods enough to crave them!!!!)

i should prolly stop waiting (i almost just spelled it weighting fml) until 5-8pm to eat anything so that i don’t go wild at night and eat balanced all day long so that i don’t continuously get subconsciously ravenous throughout the day. but i do that all winter too and it doesn’t make me gain so wtf. anyways, this was supposed to be a short post and turned quite long so my apologies, i just want to be open for discussion and let other people know they can rant and vent to me too.
so, anyone else? or do you know the science to this if there is any? lmfao. fml. love u all

Not getting results is very discouraging
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:37:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yw9cr/not_getting_results_is_very_discouraging/
So recently I’ve learned that my eating disorder is mostly fuelled by instant results, because I’m finding it almost impossible to stick to restricting now that nothing is working. I ate around 300-1000 calories everyday last week or two walked at least an hour a day and played Just Dance super energetically for at least an hour a day, usually more, and at the end of it... nothing. I lost like three pounds the first few days but I’ve gained it back. I don’t even know how this is possible first of all, unless it’s all water and waste weight? I might’ve gained some muscle too since I went from literally not moving at all for months to walking and dancing a lot so that’s might explain some of the weight at least. Idk though, every other time I’ve “relapsed” I’ve lost an average of 1 pound a day, and I definitely weigh more now than my last starting weight so I don’t know what gives.

And the fact that I’m not seeing any results (the only change is I’m super bloated now) is really discouraging and making it hard to keep trying and stay motivated. I’ve just been bingeing the past few days, and especially today, and I hate myself and also the human body sucks.

[Discussion] DAE keep themselves up at night reading weightloss articles?
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:24:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yw67g/dae_keep_themselves_up_at_night_reading/
I've seem to have found myself with extreme technologically induced insomnia. I find myself on my phone looking at thinspo/r-weightloss/wieghtloss studies/googling different weightloss idea or questions I have for hours. I can keep myself up all night. Within the last week I've been keeping myself up until like 6 or 7am. I have been trying to lose weight my whole life on and off and have been suffering from bulimia/ana for about 5 months now(with little luck) All I can think about is if there are new or better ways to lose weight that I haven't heard of yet. I start obsessing and have to look it up when something comes to mind. usually things are coming to mind when I'm in bed trying to go to sleep.

[Rant/Rave] To be honest, I'd thought I'd recovered...
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:19:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yw4q4/to_be_honest_id_thought_id_recovered/
And then today I wound up stressed out and panicked for completely unrelated reasons and my immediate reaction was to go and stick my fingers down my throat. Yay brain.

[Rant/Rave] Why am I so lame?
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:16:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yw3zm/why_am_i_so_lame/
I have a bunch of friends who are so cool and hot. The go to tons of concerts, great fashion sense. And yet here I am in some type of hospital for the third time this summer. For ED and all my other psych issues. What the fuck. I’m just salty as shit.

Is stomach pain after eating normal?
/u/kernalmustache [5'7" ♀ | CW 100lbs | BMI 15.9 | SW 130lbs]
Created: Sat Jul 14 13:58:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yvzav/is_stomach_pain_after_eating_normal/
So idk how underweight I am (flair is just a guess), but when I looked in the mirror I realized I was down at least another inch on my waist today. (Now at 22" if that tells you anything) I was kinda shocked because I actually ate a normal amount of food yesterday. Anyway, I was hungry just now so I decided to eat some instant ramen, but before I finished my stomach was hurting and I kinda feel like throwing up. This really sucks because I've been planning on going to a party tonight and I don't want to be sick :(

For someone who eats less than <900 cals daily, I spend a ton of think thinking about food and shopping and cooking
/u/Throw068472929485829 [5'2" | CW: 122 | GW: 118 | UGW: ?| 21F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 13:35:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yvtg9/for_someone_who