[Rant/Rave] Seeing progress that isn't mine makes me feel disgusting
/u/petitewillow
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:56:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91kses/seeing_progress_that_isnt_mine_makes_me_feel/
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I keep seeing people who have lost 10+ lbs after a month of restricting/if/whatever, and I'm over here eating one meal a day, fasting for 20+ hours every day, eating less than 800kcal a day, and I've lost exactly 4 lbs in the last 4-5 months.

It's just immensely frustrating because the second I feel like I'm getting somewhere I gain one back and have to lose it again. I think I've lost the same 4 lbs like 15 times over this summer.

does anybody else have to fight their body to hell and back?

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[Rant/Rave] Think my girlfriend saw my scale :/
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5 ft 4| 121lb| 20.71 | Not Enough | Nonbinary]
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:47:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91kpen/think_my_girlfriend_saw_my_scale/
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I bought another scale maybe 3 weeks ago because relapse yo. It's been living on my bedroom floor for the past week or so. I forgot to take my meds before I left for work yesterday morning so my girlfriend grabbed them for me and sprinted to the bus stop (what a saint)... Except my meds are on my desk which is behind my scales. They were still there when I got home and she hasn't said anything so I'm hoping she didn't. I'm not gonna bring it up cause I don't wanna talk about my ED with her cause it'll only make her worry and she doesn't need that right now

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[Rant/Rave] Which foods do you crave the most?
/u/CharlieJScarper [5'0.5" | 95.5lbs | 18.3 | FTM:cat_blep:]
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:37:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91km8z/which_foods_do_you_crave_the_most/
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God, I'm fucking miserable. All I do is think about food, think about how hungry I am and hate myself for it. I just want to not care about food, to be able to enjoy it normally and not obsess over it all the time. Right now I crave hunks of white bread with a little butter and golden syrup, scones with jam and cream, steak pies from the local butcher and stupid amounts of cinnamon cereals.

With that being said, which foods do you crave often and how does it feel for you?

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Anti bulimia but pro Ana?
/u/mjmolly
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:14:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91keog/anti_bulimia_but_pro_ana/
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I know that there’s a wide range of eating disorders out there and so yet I still fit under a subcategory of an ED but I feel like a common form of weight loss in the ED community is to purge or vomit. Personally, I HATE vomit.. like so horribly I’d consider it emetophobia. I even get awful panic attacks if I even feel nauseous. So because of it I feel like it limits me from sufficient weight loss. I still abuse laxatives and restrict and fast and exercise but I’m still missing that purge factor just because I’m horrified of vomit. I actually even wish I wasn’t so afraid of it just so I could drop some lbs faster, pretty fucked up right? Anyone else with this issue?

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[Help] Primatene / bronkaid alternatives (UK)
/u/SensiblePizza
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:11:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91kdxi/primatene_bronkaid_alternatives_uk/
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Hello all.

Im from the UK and it is now impossible to get ephedrine, ephedra, Mormon tea etc like you could do 8/9 years ago. I can find brokaid on eBay for anywhere up to $100 but that's just way too much money to justify when I'm already spending a ridiculous amount on food (pretty mad considering the restrictive ED but whatever).

Are there any UK based people who have found any where to get hold of ephedrine? As an alternative I've been using synephrine and pseudoephedrine but I'm not really sure if they work at all. In addition to a ton of caffeined energy drinks, I'm just feeling drained AF and still hungry. Also finding that my skin is breaking out so bad so I don't think I want to keep taking them.

Any help would be so much appreciated. Thanks!

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[Rant/Rave] What up what up?
/u/doublecouponn [5'2 | CW wailord | GW 112 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:07:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91kcjc/what_up_what_up/
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Not my calories thats what!
Okay but honestly hi. Today I realized I am repulsed by food and unfortunately I am too happy about it. Im finally becoming a wailmer instead of a waillord. Shout out to my sketchy doctor that no matter what weight I am he still gives me phentermine.

If y’all remember I was crying over food a while back. I’m on cloud nine ‘cause now I just can’t even look at food.

I hope everyone has a good day.

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Feeling so low today
/u/Herecomesthesun239
Created: Tue Jul 24 13:02:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91kas3/feeling_so_low_today/
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For the past year or so I'd honestly say I was recovered, I ate whatever I wanted, didn't count calories, enjoyed food etc. Over the summer though I've been restricting again, counting calories, exercising again. I like to think of it as a controlled relapse because it's not as bad as it used to be and I haven't really had negative thoughts, I just want to lose a bit of weight over summer (like 7lb). I've been eating around 1000-1200 calories but the scale is not fucking going down at all so I've dropped it to 700-800 calories and I'm DYING. I'm so hungry, I feel weak, I can't sleep properly, I feel depressed. And the worst part is I'm still barely losing weight. The scale hasn't gone down in over 6 days :( I just want to cry. I want to go back to the way I used to be with food and not give a shit about calories but I also want this weight off. Gonna go cry in bed tbh

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Bad thing...then good thing!
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | CW: 60kg| GW: 58kg | UGW: 50kg | LW:56kg | 25F ]
Created: Tue Jul 24 12:57:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91k98s/bad_thingthen_good_thing/
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So I weighed myself, 5 days before my period is due...obviously my weight showed '64kg' because I'm not kidding guys, that fucker of a period can make me gain 5kg in water weight. Anyway, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, but still went for my monster gym session today (45 minutes treadmill, 30 minutes elliptical, Strong Curves...I would go on the bike as well, but unfortunately I had to go to work), and then one of the personal trainers came up to me and said "wow, you're looking really good, your working out is really showing!" And guys, I was *so* happy!

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It's mentally exhausting.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone
Created: Tue Jul 24 12:49:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91k6qn/its_mentally_exhausting/
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The physical aspects are bad enough. The hunger or painful bloating or the exhaustion. The mental aspects take their toll, too. The shame. The secrecy. The fear of discovery. Will they find see the wrappers? What about the chewed food? What if they see a receipt where I've spent money on a treat that never made it home?

And the calorie tracking. It's ingrained in me at this point. I know the caloric values of most of the foods I eat inside and out. A cup of yogurt? About 130 calories. Eggs? About 75 per. Margarine is 60 calories per tablespoon. Skim milk is 80 calories per cup. I can't *not* keep a running tally in my brain every single day. And it's tiring. Because I feel guilty if I eat more than what I think I ought to, and having a full belly makes me want to purge (because if I'm full, I'm not hungry, and if I'm not hungry, then I'm going to get fat).

Here's one: I haven't had lunch today. I'm not going to have lunch today because I didn't bring any safe foods to work, and I didn't exercise this morning, so I need to take a walk on my lunch to burn a few extra calories. Because if I don't get at least thirty minutes of exercise a day, my TDEE will have dropped and the 200 calories of eggs I'm going to eat later today will put me over my BMR and even though my BMR is less than my TDEE I still would be over my caloric goals and thus I'm going to gain fifty pounds overnight.

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Cellucor Super HD?
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 12:25:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91jyyn/cellucor_super_hd/
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Does anybody have any experience with this? I've been using it off and on for years and I think it's taken a toll on my body (compounded by the whole.... having eating disorder thing). Really it's just a fuck ton of caffeine and B vitamins used as a diuretic + stimulant but I'm still freaked out.

If you haven't heard of it or used it before please don't read this and think of trying it. I'm legitimately worried. Like.... in cold sweats, purplish blotchy limbs, cold white fingers & toes, heart pounding out of my chest when I'm just laying in bed watching TV.... It's scary. Please don't start. And they're not even that effective for weight loss (but I'm psychologically addicted to them, whoops).

(and I'm also not blaming the product/company itself because I'm definitely not following the instructions and warnings clearly printed on the label) 🙃

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[Help] To exercise or not to exercise? That’s the question, right?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Tue Jul 24 12:17:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91jw88/to_exercise_or_not_to_exercise_thats_the_question/
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I’m struggling here because, well, I don’t know whether I should exercise or not.

My restriction averages between 500 calories to 1000 calories depending upon if it’s the week or the weekend (aka, if my parents force me to go out with them or not).

That being said, I’m a pear shape. You know. The kind that is hella disproportionate when it comes to fat distribution.

I don’t know whether to exercise or not purely because, I want to build some sense of muscle on my upper body because I don’t want to look so disproportional when I get to my goal weight like last time, however, I know you can’t build muscle on a decifit.

And, I also want to not be so jiggly and flabby when I lose the weight.

So, should I exercise? What have you guys noticed? Does exercise help you in the long run? What kinds of exercises do you do?

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[Discussion] Found these on Amazon and thought I’d share. Sugar free suckers that are good for your teeth, 10cals each. I may order a bag to try!
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Tue Jul 24 12:12:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91juoq/found_these_on_amazon_and_thought_id_share_sugar/
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https://i.redd.it/fog203frsxb11.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Not a rant/rave, I'm just disappointed in myself.
/u/whataurban [6'1" | 155 | 19.52 | 0 | M2F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 11:23:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91jeb1/not_a_rantrave_im_just_disappointed_in_myself/
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ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ʰⁱᵈᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗʳᵘᵗʰ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᴵ'ᵐ ʰᵘʳᵗⁱⁿᵍ, ᴵ ʲᵘˢᵗ ⁿᵉᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ʰᵉᵃᵈ ⁱᵗ'ˢ ᵇᵉᵉⁿ ᵇᵘᵍᵍⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉ ᶠᵒʳ 12 ˢᵗʳᵃⁱᵍʰᵗ ʰᵒᵘʳˢ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ˢⁱⁿᶜᵉ ᴵ ʰⁱᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠⁱʳˢᵗ ˡⁱⁿᵉ. ᵀʰᵒᵘᵍʰᵗˢ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ˢⁱˢᵗᵉʳ & ᵇʳᵒᵗʰᵉʳˢ ⁽ᵗʰᵉᵐ ʷʰᵒ ᴵ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ˡᵒᵒᵏ ᵘᵖ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉ, ᴵ ʷⁱˡˡ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵗ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᵈᵒʷⁿ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ ᵃ ᶜᵒᵘᵖˡᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ᵇʳᵒᵗʰᵉʳˢ ᵃʳᵉ ˢʰᵒᶜᵏᵉᵈ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ᵒᶠ ⁱᵗ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ⁱᵗ'ˢ ᵃ ᵇⁱᵍ ˡᵃᵘᵍʰᵃᵇˡᵉ ʲᵒᵏᵉ, ⁱᵗ'ˢ ⁿᵒᵗ.

ᴵᵗ'ˢ ʷᵃʳ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵒⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵒˢᵗ ᶜᵒˢᵗˡʸ ʰᵉᵃˡᵗʰ ᶜᵒⁿᵈⁱᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵁⁿⁱᵗᵉᵈ ˢᵗᵃᵗᵉˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃ ˡᵒᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵖˡᵃᶜᵉˢ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵒʳˡᵈ ⁽ᴬᴰᴰᴵᶜᵀᴵᴼᴺ⁾ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᵍʳᵒᵘᵖ ᵒᶠ ᵐᵉⁿᵗᵃˡ ⁱˡˡⁿᵉˢˢᵉˢ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉ ʰⁱᵍʰᵉˢᵗ ᵐᵒʳᵗᵃˡⁱᵗʸ ʳᵃᵗᵉ ⁽ᴵ ˢᵃʸ ᴵ'ᵐ ᴱᴰᴺᴼˢ “ᴱᴬᵀᴵᴺᴳ ᴰᴵˢᴼᴿᴰᴱᴿ ᴺᴼᵀ ᴼᵀᴴᴱᴿᵂᴵˢᴱ ˢᴾᴱᶜᴵᶠᴵᴱᴰ” ⁽ᵗʰᵉʸ ᶜᵃˡˡ ⁱᵗ ᴼˢᶠᴱᴰ ⁿᵒʷ“ᴵ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ “ᶠᴱᴰ” ᵖᵃʳᵗ”⁾ ᵒʳ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵗᵉᶜʰⁿⁱᶜᵃˡ “ᴼᵗʰᵉʳ ˢᵖᵉᶜⁱᶠⁱᵉᵈ ᶠᵉᵉᵈⁱⁿᵍ ᵒʳ ᵉᵃᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵈⁱˢᵒʳᵈᵉʳ. ” ᴮᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᴵ ʰᵃᵛᵉⁿ'ᵗ ᵇᵉᵉⁿ ᶠᵒʳᵐᵃˡˡʸ ᵈⁱᵃᵍⁿᵒˢᵉᵈ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵐᵉᵃⁿ ᴵ ˢᵗʳᵘᵍᵍˡᵉ, ᵀʰᵉ ˢʰⁱᵗ'ˢ ʰᵃʳᵈ ᵇᵘᵗ ᴵ'ᵐ ᴺᴼᵀ ᵍᵒⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ˡᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᵇᵉᵃᵗ ᵐᵉ.

ᴹʸ ᵈⁱˢᵒʳᵈᵉʳᵉᵈ ᵉᵃᵗⁱⁿᵍ ʰᵃᵇⁱᵗˢ ʰᵃˢ ᶠⁱⁿᵃˡˡʸ ᵗʰʳᵒʷ ᵐᵉ ᵒᵛᵉʳ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵉᵃᵏ ᵒᶠ ᴹᵒᵘⁿᵗ ᴱᵛᵉʳᵉˢᵗ ᴵ'ᵛᵉ ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ᶠᵃˡˡᵉⁿ ᶠᵃʳ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈⁱᵉᵈ. ᴵ'ᵐ ˢᵒʳʳʸ ᵗᵒ ˢᵃʸ ᵇᵘᵗ ᴵ'ᵛᵉ ᵇᵉᵉⁿ ᵈᵒⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉᵗʰ ᵃˡˡ ⁿⁱᵍʰᵗ, ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ʰᵉˡᵖ ⁱᵗ ᴵ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵉᵃᵗ.

ᴵ'ˡˡ ᵇᵉ ᵒᵏ, ᴵ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵈᵒ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ ᵖᵘᵗᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵐʸˢᵉˡᶠ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ˢⁱᵈᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵃ ˢᵉᶜᵒⁿᵈ ᴵ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵗᵒ ᶜʰᵃⁿᵍᵉ ˢᵒᵒⁿ ᶠᵒʳ ᵐʸ ˢⁱˢᵗᵉʳ, ⁱᵗ'ᵈ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏ ʰᵉʳ ʰᵉᵃʳᵗ ⁱᶠ ˢʰᵉ ᵏⁿᵉʷ ᴵ ʷᵃˢ ᵈᵒⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰⁱˢ.

ᵀʰᵉ ˢᶜᵃʳˢ ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵃʳᵐˢ ⁿᵉˣᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵃ ᶠᵉʷ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵍˢ ᴵ ʰᵒˡᵈ ᶜˡᵒˢᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵐʸ ʰᵉᵃʳᵗ ⁽ᵇᵉⁱⁿᵍ ᵐʸ ³ ᴰᵉᵐⁱ ʳᵉˡᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵗᵃᵗᵗᵒᵒˢ⁾ ᵏᵉᵉᵖ ᵖᵘˢʰⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉ ᵒⁿ. ᴵ'ᵐ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵍⁱᵛⁱⁿᵍ ⁱᵗ ᵃ ˢʰᵒᵗ ᵃⁿᵈ ʰᵒᵖⁱⁿᵍ ᵐʸ ˢᵗᵉᵖᵐᵒᵐ ʷⁱˡˡ ˡᵉᵗ ᵐᵉ ᵐᵒᵛᵉ ⁱⁿ ʷⁱᵗʰ ʰᵉʳ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵐʸ ˢⁱˢᵗᵉʳ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᵗʰⁱˢ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵉⁿᵈ ᵘᵖ ᵍⁱᵛⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉ ᵉⁿᵈˡᵉˢˢ ʰᵃᵖᵖⁱⁿᵉˢˢ ᵇᵉⁱⁿᵍ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵐʸ ˢⁱˢᵗᵉʳ.


“ᶠᵃⁱˡᵘʳᵉ ʷⁱˡˡ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵒᵛᵉʳᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵐᵉ ⁱᶠ ᵐʸ ᵈᵉᵗᵉʳᵐⁱⁿᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ ᵗᵒ ˢᵘᶜᶜᵉᵉᵈ ⁱˢ ˢᵗʳᵒⁿᵍ ᵉⁿᵒᵘᵍʰ.”

ᴵ ᶠᵉᵉˡ ᵘᵗᵗᵉʳˡʸ ⁱᶜᵉ ᶜᵒˡᵈ ⁱⁿˢⁱᵈᵉ ᵐʸ ᵇᵒᵈʸ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᵒᶠ ʰᵒʷ ᶠᵃʳ ᴵ'ᵛᵉ ᶠᵃˡˡᵉⁿ ᵃⁿᵈ ʰᵒʷ ᵇᵃᵈ ᴵ ᶠᵉᵉˡ, ⁿᵒʷ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ˡᵉᵗ ᵗʰⁱˢ ʰᵒˡᵈ ᵐᵉ ᵈᵒʷⁿ ⁽ⁿ$ᶠᵂ “https://youtu.be/910ZLwv0Phc“ᵀʰᵉ ᵇⁱᵗᶜʰ ⁱˢ ᵐʸ ᵃᵈᵈⁱᶜᵗⁱᵒⁿ (𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕖𝕞𝕡𝕙𝕒𝕤𝕚𝕤 𝔻𝕖𝕞𝕚 𝕡𝕦𝕥𝕤 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕗𝕖𝕔𝕥.)ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ˡᵉᵗ ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵐᵉ ᵈᵒʷⁿ, ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵇⁱᵗᶜʰ ʷⁱˡˡ ᵉᵛᵉⁿᵗᵘᵃˡˡʸ ᵖᵃʸ ᶠᵒʳ ᵃˡˡ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗʳᵒᵘᵇˡᵉ ⁱᵗ ʰᵃˢ ᶜᵃᵘˢᵉᵈ ᵐᵉ!”

ι'м ησт ℓуιηg (“𝕋𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕤 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕟𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕝𝕖𝕗𝕥 𝕞𝕖, 𝕨𝕖'𝕧𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕕𝕠𝕨𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕣𝕠𝕒𝕕 𝕓𝕖𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖
𝕀'𝕞 𝕤𝕠 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪, 𝕀'𝕞 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕤𝕠𝕓𝕖𝕣 𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖
𝕀'𝕞 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕀'𝕞 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕘𝕒𝕚𝕟, 𝕀 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕖 𝕀'𝕝𝕝 𝕘𝕖𝕥 𝕙𝕖𝕝𝕡
𝕀𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕤𝕟'𝕥 𝕞𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕀'𝕞 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗”)

Mods: is the font going to be a hassle? If so PM me I'll clean it up. YT link isa meme🤬

---

[Help] 3 week “vacation” - no body scale no food scale no kitchen
/u/idkhowtoeatwhoops
Created: Tue Jul 24 11:08:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91j9mt/3_week_vacation_no_body_scale_no_food_scale_no/
---
Sorry I’ve been posting so much on here, but I need some crowdsourcing.

In a week I will be shuttled to a different state for some corporate training thing. It’ll be fun cuz I’ll make friends but it just hit me...
I’ll be living out of a suitcase in a hotel with no food scale and no body weight scale


For three weeks

With a bunch of newly graduated college kids (aka every night is happy hour)

I have some ideas for microwave breakfasts (I’m vegan) but like??? How do I measure hummus and peanut butter which is basically all I can live off of?

I binge a lot so I’m afraid I’ll overestimate so hard I’ll cause binges.

Fucking fuck guys.

---

Is there such a thing as a Pro-Ed podcast?
/u/mvemjsun00
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:45:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91j2d9/is_there_such_a_thing_as_a_proed_podcast/
---
I’m not even sure what they would talk about but I’d really like to hear a podcast with someone who is not recovered. Does this exist yet??


Side note: if you have a recovery podcast that’s good and not overly positive and gushy gushy I’d love a recommendation.

---

[Help] Why is bloating way more common when I’m restricting?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:43:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91j1le/why_is_bloating_way_more_common_when_im/
---
Is it just me or is bloating way more frequent when I’m restricting?

Everytime I restrict I wake up ten times more bloated than usual. Whereas, when I eat without restricting too heavily and do cardio, I wake up not so bloated.

Although I wouldn’t “mind” doing it the latter, I literally just want to get this fat off of me and heavily restricting is the fastest way for me. It’s just whenever I wake up bloated it kills me.

Does anyone else experience this? What’ve they done to counter it?

---

[Rant/Rave] My dance sub was SO TRIGGERING today.
/u/cas215
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:39:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91j08v/my_dance_sub_was_so_triggering_today/
---
Like she didn’t say anything or do anything, it was just her body. Im at a 6 week dance program (and due to increased exercise, I’ve become hungrier and more muscled so my weight has stayed the same despite my attempts at low restriction.) it was a graham class (type of modern) and she was demonstrating on the floor with her arms and torso, her back was facing us and I could see EVERY FUCKING VERTEBRAE AND RIB AND I WAS SITTING THERE WITH MY MUFFIN TOP AND SOMEWHAT BLOATED STOMACH AND I WANTED TO CRY. Usually, the other girls in my classes have small bodies and look so nice but most of them look more like me (except i was built wide like a fucking wall kill me) so its hard but i can just dig my nails into my palm and manage, but this was on another level. I wanted to die right there. I was so distracted and i kept messing up and I was sure she was just sitting there judging me like “this little chunky girl cant do anything right” and i wanted to disappear. She is subbing again Thursday and idk how to handle it.

---

Lunchtime at work is torture
/u/igotjiggywitit
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:38:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91izy8/lunchtime_at_work_is_torture/
---
I work in a cubicle farm of an office and every day from 11 to 1 is a modgepodge of tasty smells. We work in the city with a ton of takeout restaurants/fast food joints nearby and I just sit at my desk trying to distract myself with the smell of crappy coffee from the kitchen and ignore the smells and tall myself down from going to the cafeteria and binging on a large shake, burger and fries.

---

[Help] How to hide a scale...this is a pathetic post.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:35:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91iyw3/how_to_hide_a_scalethis_is_a_pathetic_post/
---
Ill try to make this to the point.

Basically I have been away staying with friends etc. on mini vacations and they all had bathroom scales. I found this motivational daily and it made it soooooo easy to restrict. Even if I went up a lb. I was okay with it, it just motivated me more and then it would go back down.

I've always been a grade and goal oriented person...when in school I always wanted the best grades, if I got one bad grade it was, you must work harder. If I was getting A's it was still, okay this is right, keep going. Same with professional evaluations in my career now.

Here is the problem. Living situation. My BF is very aware of my ED and wants me to get better. BUT I want a scale. I have a one bedroom, 1 bathroom apt. and would have to hide this scale from him. He would flip if he knew I got one. The only places with tile are our bathroom and kitchen....so obviously the bathroom is the place.

Suggestions on how to hide said scale? I know I am a loon. I just need this scale! Ugh I don't want to alter it and I hate the idea of moving it. I am desperate. I know this may sound like a really dumb post, but this will give me piece of mind and feel like I am doing something. I want my grade! Never in my life did I see myself having to sneak a scale in my 30's hahaha. Any advice on how to hide this thing soooooooo appreciated!!!!!

---

[Other] Any Wharf to Wharf runners here?
/u/habeas-corpses [5'4 | CW: 105 | 18.0 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 10:34:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91iyl2/any_wharf_to_wharf_runners_here/
---
Just wondering! If so, congrats on the run this weekend! My aunt lives in Santa Cruz so I ran it with her and some other family.

For those curious, WTW is a 6-mile race in Santa Cruz every July. If you live in the area and are healthy enough to run I highly recommend it - it’s so fun it makes six miles feel like nothing.

---

[Other] Coffee makes my stomach hurt
/u/peachypetrina
Created: Tue Jul 24 09:48:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ijrk/coffee_makes_my_stomach_hurt/
---
...But I don’t mind because the pain makes me not want to eat. Does this happen to anyone else?

---

[Rant/Rave] Not to sound all petty and tumblr-y but...
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 132.2 & BMI: 20.1 | GW:115 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 09:43:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91iidv/not_to_sound_all_petty_and_tumblry_but/
---
I don’t want to have to do emotional labor for overweight/fat people who don’t have EDs. I find it mildly irritating that when someone I follow reblogs/makes a post along the lines of “yes I have anorexia but ALL people are beautiful! I know and love so many hot/sexy fat people”. I just feel like we shouldn’t have to explain this or worry about others finding us “fatphobic” because we have a mental illness. This happens in real life to where once someone finds out you hate your body and/or have an ED, someone inevitable asks, “if you think you’re fat then what do you think about me?” Sorry Susan, but my ED is about me and me alone.


While it’s super important to dispel myths about EDs and fatphobia, I find frustrating that when talking about EDs on a personal level, especially restrictive ones, there is sometimes a burden on us to prove how much we don’t hate/look down on fat people when EDs are a mental illness and a result of a mixed bag of complicated personal issues that are about the ED sufferer and NOT about fat people. Please stop making my mental illness about other people.


TL;DR: my ED is about me and me alone and the issues I need to address in my life so when I talk about it don’t make it about you and your body and how I feel about you.

---

[Rant/Rave] Don't tell me this is a good thing, I already know.
/u/RaineRios
Created: Tue Jul 24 09:42:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ihzd/dont_tell_me_this_is_a_good_thing_i_already_know/
---
Pregnancy is making me nuts. I'm 24 weeks, and the weight is starting to go up. I know it needs to. I know this is a good thing. If I didn't know that, I wouldn't be eating enough to make it happen. So I don't need reminders that it's what's best for baby. But damn, it is so triggering.
I raised my calorie allotment to 1500 from 1200 pre-Pregnancy. Although 1200 was just the cap, it was more like 8-900. It's so freaking hard making myself continue to eat while watching the scale rise. It helps that I'm knowledgeable enough to know what to put in my body for optimum nutrition. But that's becoming a problem now too. Everything I eat needs to be completely worth it. If I'm putting calories in my face for this precious little girl, they have to be worth it. It's exhausting obsessing over every little thing.
I wish I could just eat normally. Do you know how much weight they recommend you gain during Pregnancy? Around 25 freaking pounds! I think that's ridiculous and just gives people justification for eating like shit and indulging their cravings. Note that the recommended weight gain varies depending on starting weight.

I dunno. I'm just a lucky woman with a beautiful baby growing, that I'm able to give proper and adequate nutrition, and I'm bitching about it. I suck.

Thanks for letting me vent.

---

I really hate being "just barely" underweight.
/u/altruisticshawty [5'9" | CW: 117 | GW: 110]
Created: Tue Jul 24 09:13:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91i8qp/i_really_hate_being_just_barely_underweight/
---
For a while, like 5 months, I maintained a BMI of 16.2. I felt amazing about my body. I felt beautiful for the first time in my life. I felt comfortable in my own skin. I went through some relationship issues and a lot of stress, moving a few times, and started running. I gained 7-8 pounds, and now I'm at ~17.3 BMI.

What sucks is that I'm still 'kinda thin'. I'm 'technically underweight', but it's just BARELY, so it's not really enough for me to be able to wear anything that I want. It's not enough for me to lose my curves/hips/thighs. I look like I'm just really 'fit'. This should not be something I should be complaining about. I'm built like an athlete/runner at the moment. I recognize that I am not fat. but I feel TERRIBLE. AWFUL.

And I cannot seem to lose this weight. I keep losing 3-4 pounds, going out for a weekend that I had been restricting for, eating too much or drinking too much, and then ending up right back where I started. I can't seem to force myself to get out of this cycle. I can't seem to fast how I used to. I'm pretty sure as long as I don't eat MORE I will be able to maintain this weight that I am at. I fucking hope. Sometimes I wonder if I should just stop working out since I've gained so much weight. I don't know.

I like being able to see my ribs at all times, have my spine stick out, be so small I can fit into any clothes and not have to plan ahead or worry about how I'm standing in photos. I'm terrified that I'm going to keep gaining weight and muscle. Sure people think I look good but I feel like everyone was stunned when I was model-thin.

That's my stupid, petty, pointless rant for today. Thanks for reading.

---

Online shopping has got me all fucked up
/u/deconcerte [4'11 | 119.4 | 25.1 | -4.6 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 08:55:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91i329/online_shopping_has_got_me_all_fucked_up/
---
I'm looking for business casual clothes for a job interview on Reitmans's website before I go in later today and I blopped over with my fatass to the size chart to find out that I'm less than a size 0 in the waist, a size 6 in the hips, and a size 12 (!!!!!!) in the thighs. It's like my body's going out of its way to tell me to go fuck myself, smh. Anyway, does anyone know any good stores that cater to pear-shaped body types? I'm in Canada, so I feel like my choices are pretty limited :/

---

Any ideas on hair loss issues?
/u/Catmom2004
Created: Tue Jul 24 08:50:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91i1l8/any_ideas_on_hair_loss_issues/
---
Hi all,

Firstly, let me say that I *love* this sub because of how supportive you all are of each other in your struggles with EDs and just *life.*

I say "you all" because although I lurk here from time to time, I don't have an ED now. I come here to learn about foods that are lo cal but satisfying because I am working on losing weight.

Happily, I have lost about 60 pounds in the last year and a half, which is great. However, I have also recently noticed that my hair is falling out :(.

I have posted about this elsewhere where I admitted that I am 58 years old and many posters just blew the hair loss off as: "You are 58, it is time." **Not** helpful, lol.

The only other time I remember losing hair was when I legit had anorexia in high school and even lost my period for awhile from a very strict low carb diet.

So, does anyone here know what I might try to stop the hair loss without eating so much that I start to regain weight? I want to lose at least another 30 pounds if possible. Could it be vitamin D deficiency? That seems to be the fad in nutrition these days.

Thanks in advance!

---

[Rant/Rave] Everyone thinks exercise is inherently healthy
/u/accordingtoging [5'9" | 135 | 19.5 | -40 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 08:32:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hwa6/everyone_thinks_exercise_is_inherently_healthy/
---
I’m so upset right now.

Backstory: my ED has always been restrictive with little exercise. For a period of time I was going to hot yoga classes twice a week in layers of long sleeve shirts. I started trying to recover the beginning of February. For the last month I’ve been struggling and bordering on a relapse. The gym I signed up for also just opened this week.

My biggest problem is my boyfriend. He knows I’m struggling. He knows I’m barely eating. But I mention the gym and it’s all encouragement to go. I’m signed up for a really intense class later today, but my ED wants me to go now too because I’m not working and also the existence of calories. I texted my boyfriend asking what I should do, hoping he would be my voice of reason. His only response was “go now and later”. So now I’m crying because I just want someone to stop me, but no one understands that exercise can actually be dangerous. So now because I’m upset I’m going to not eat today and go to the gym twice. I know I kind of played myself, but it still sucks.

---

[Intro] (Re)introduction and a confusing sapphic experience
/u/discotits1115 [5'4 | lol | nope | f |]
Created: Tue Jul 24 08:31:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hw4k/reintroduction_and_a_confusing_sapphic_experience/
---
Hi, I was pretty active here on my old account but I like to restart my accounts once in a while. I'm 21 and have been struggling with ED behaviors since I was 15. It got more "serious" when I was 19 and my mom had open heart surgery and I was her sole caretaker. I also have issues with anxiety, panic, and depression. ALSO, I have PTSD (I'm just a ball of fun). I'm sorry for the wall of text but I'm still trying to process everything that happened.

Anyway, I had sex with one of my closest (female) friends this weekend. I have always identified as straight and have been in a largely monogamous relationship with a man for 4 years.

I invited her down to my boyfriend's shore house Saturday. She got there in the afternoon but my boyfriend wasn't going to get there until later in the evening. So we did normal stuff- drank a lot of rose grapefruit vodka (side note: that shit is life changing), made dinner, and talked very frankly to each other. We're both very guarded people so it was so relieving to be able to talk openly to her. We both have experienced trauma- mine was sexual and hers was seeing a very close family member die.

Over the course of the afternoon/evening she was making comments about wanting to make out with another woman- she told me how she almost kissed a woman at a wedding a few weeks ago. I've told her in the past that I would experiment with a woman if the situation ever arose.

Around 6 we took my dog for a walk on the beach. It was raining so I decided to take a shower when we got back to the house. I smoked some weed in the bathroom, which lowered my inhibitions even more. After I got out of the shower, I went downstairs in my towel to show her my new VCH piercing. Partly, I was trying to see if she was serious about the hints she was dropping. Also, it would have been normal for me to show it to her anyway, even if I was wrong about the hints. I showed her, she told me it was hot and the was the end of it.

Fast forward to two hours later when we're sitting on bar stools at the kitchen counter, after just finishing dinner and still drinking vodka. I look at her and say "I'm going to say something to you because I'm drunk and I want you to promise me that you won't hold it against me". She agrees and we shake on it. I told her how badly I want to kiss her. She says she wants to kiss me too. At that point it got a little awkward so I suggested we take another shot of vodka each and then kiss. We kissed and I swear to G-d that it was like I was breathing for the first time. She was more gentle and hesitant than my boyfriend is and her lips were so much softer. I could taste the rose and grapefruit from the vodka. I lightly placed my hands on her waist because I wasn't sure how much she was comfortable with. She softly grabbed my breast and put her other hand on the back of my head.

After a few minutes of making out and lightly touching each other we broke apart and just stared at each other. My heart was pounding so fucking hard and I had to take a few deep breaths to bring myself back down to Earth. It worked for a second, until she turned to me and said "I want to fuck you". I agreed and we went into the bedroom and started fooling around. However, we were interrupted by hearing my boyfriend open the front door. She grabbed her clothes and ran into the bathroom to pretend she was just getting out of the shower.

It didn't end there, though. Later that night the three of us were sitting on the couch watching some movie. My boyfriend and I were a little stoned but my friend doesn't smoke so she kept drinking. She and I were under a blanket and my boyfriend was on the other side of the couch. I started touching her leg and she ran her hand up my thigh. We kept playing around for the rest of the movie.

The next morning, when we were sober, we talked about how we were both really okay with what happened the night before and how we trusted each other. We both agreed that we were happy that our first experience with a woman was with someone we trusted. The rest of the morning was totally normal between the two of us, and with my boyfriend (he is astoundingly oblivious).

The sun was out all day so she and I made some rum punch and went down to the beach. As we slowly drank in the sun, we started talking more candidly about the night before and our lives in general. I told her things about my ED and my trauma that I'm rarely able to say out loud. She opened up about things I know she has a hard time sharing. And then she said "you know, I still really want to fuck you. If the situation ever arises again, I'd be down". I said "Well, the house has the outdoor shower that you can't see from inside the house. We can sneak there and fool around in the shower." Even if my boyfriend came downstairs from the house, the door to the shower would be closed and we could pass it off as just rinsing from the beach.

We went into the shower and had sex. It was more equitable and safe than any sexual experience I've ever had. We both knew how the other's body would respond to certain touches and we both responded to the other's pleasure (not sure if that makes any sense).

She left after dinner that day and my boyfriend left the next morning for work. All day I've been thinking about what happened. For the first time since I started to go through puberty, I felt confident and beautiful. I could look at my body and not feel ashamed or disgusted. I cooked and ate healthy, fresh food that made me feel strong. I went on a really long bike ride and didn't feel tired or dizzy or weak.

I don't want to have a relationship with my friend. I love her- as a friend. I would have sex with her again, though. Because I feel safe and loved. I also don't think I need to tell my boyfriend. This was something I needed to do, even if it is selfish or dishonest, to take agency back over my body.

ANYWAY, I'm sorry for the absolute monster of a post (and for when it sounds like a porno). Writing and sharing this is helping me process how this experience fits into my life and my ED.

---

[Other] My coworker told me that you can only survive without eating for 3 days. Any other undead ProED'ers here?
/u/KlokWerkN [5'9" | 128 | 18.9 | -59 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 08:30:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hvqc/my_coworker_told_me_that_you_can_only_survive/
---
I usually fast during the work week when I can, turns out that means I have died and I'm just a zombie now. I'm okay with that.

---

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by my friend
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Tue Jul 24 07:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hhj8/triggered_by_my_friend/
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We’re not even technically fighting it’s a long story but basically she’s not talking to me at the moment even though she’s at wrong (I’m also not pointing fingers) anyways I got so triggered the fact she’s my only best friend and I’m scared I’ll lose her for good and I haven’t eaten anything today yet and I honestly don’t plan to until she talks to me. Being ignored is my BIGGEST pet peeve especially for my anxiety

---

[Discussion] coping mechanisms?
/u/iluvmnms [164cm | CW: 53kg | BMI: 19.7 | GW: 45kg | 18F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 07:37:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hgdb/coping_mechanisms/
---
it was the first day back at school today and I just finished binging (still purge free woot woot) after having so much control over the past two weeks.. it was school holidays so i was either staying at home or going out for short periods of time which put less strain on my relationship with food. However, i'm scared that the stress and atmosphere of school will just send me into b/ping or binging + fasting, i mean it's only the first day back and i've already fallen back into old habits. if anyone else shares this problem, how do you overcome it? do you have any helpful coping mechanisms? (maybe some reassuring affirmations or something?...) something that doesn't involve eating everything in sight at the first sign of stress ;)

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DAE shower before they eat?
/u/paavllova [🌸 5'5 • 99 lbs • 16.5 • f 🌸]
Created: Tue Jul 24 07:36:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hfwn/dae_shower_before_they_eat/
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I can't stand seeing my stomach all bloated and full while I'm naked. Really I can't stand it at all but it hits me harder when I'm in the shower. I love it when my stomach is flat and small and how I've figured out to do that is to not eat before showering, especially in the morning.

Does anyone else experience this?

---

TFW vacay is hours from being over and instead of enjoying it, all you can do is think about/plan your b/p for tonight when you get home.
/u/drmngofthn
Created: Tue Jul 24 07:23:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91hck8/tfw_vacay_is_hours_from_being_over_and_instead_of/
---
Why am I like this?

---

My brain is telling me I almost died last night
/u/bunkinpumpkin [5'7 |CW:123lbs | BMI: 18.89 | -22 | GW: 125lbs | UWG: 118lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 24 06:22:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gwpb/my_brain_is_telling_me_i_almost_died_last_night/
---
Only partly ED related but I fell asleep last night after my 8th day on DNP 300mg at 11 and woke up at 3 a total psycho. Back story: I have migraines, and I ran out of one of my preventative medications and my migraine abortive medication because freaking doctors. So I got a migraine yesterday and before that I was having my "myofacial spasms" that are probably trigeminal neuralgia.

So I took DNP in the morning, EC stack, then that night I took first a gabapentin and benadryl, still hurting, took naproxen, more benadryl and my last freaking Imitrex, finally stopped hurting and fell asleep.

I don't think I was actually dying, I think this is just migraine postdrome hangover/ medication disassociative hangover. I once ended up on /tripsit because my postdrome migraine hangover actually felt like some pot I'd smoked for pain hadn't worn off for 12 hours when really it was just migraine postdrome hangover.

I feel like a Sims character who has free will turned on who starts doing the most random things, like jumping in the pool or make cookies and leave them on the floor of the bathroom, just a total basket case. And in that crazy state, it feels like I jerked myself awake from dying but I know I'm delusional, I checked my temperature and it was just 97.6 at 3am.

Anyways. I didn't know where to share this but this is a safe space where you guys understand how I got myself to this point without judgement and won't freak out going "oh my god you'll die, why would you do that". I was going to stop DNP today anyways but now I'm super going to stop until it's winter and I know it's safe to take it and not die in the night from hyperthermia.

---

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday July 24, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jul 24 06:09:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gths/thinspo_tuesday_july_24_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.

*****

Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 24, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jul 24 06:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gtgv/daily_food_diary_july_24_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 24, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Rant/Rave] tfw you promise yourself you're going to fast but you end up having to eat with your family
/u/death-crush [156cm | 47kg | BMI 19.3 | 19F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 06:07:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gswl/tfw_you_promise_yourself_youre_going_to_fast_but/
---
...and they choose a restaurant where the calorie counts are basically impossible to find

and the food isn't exactly healthy so you know you probably went over your calorie limit for the day with just one meal but you don't know with how much

and you have to force yourself to eat because the food portions there are "normal" & it'd look weird if you didn't eat most of it

and then everyone gets dessert so you have to get one too

and even tho you only eat half of it you still feel way too full & like shit

and then you get home and you have to force yourself not to purge even thought it's very very tempting and feels like it might help bcs purging will just make everything worse

honestly though being full is such a horrible horrible feeling... and like i can't even say that i enjoyed the food bcs i just ate it mechanically because i "had" to. did i taste good, who knows? i sure don't. i can't even remember the last time i actually enjoyed food, instead of eating it while binging or simply bcs i had to eat something.

sorry for the long post, existence is pain

---

Not to be a walking meme, but
/u/c_marier [5'6" | 109.6 | 17.76 | 24F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 05:59:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gqul/not_to_be_a_walking_meme_but/
---
Me: Why isn't there a cure for this????

Also me: Thank God there isn't a cure for this, just think of how much fatter I would be.

---

i'm crying. i want to be underweight more than anything in my life.
/u/BIueJayWay [5"3| CW:107 |GW: 102 |BMI:19 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 05:43:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gnf7/im_crying_i_want_to_be_underweight_more_than/
---
this is going to be long and really stupidly melodramatic, so feel free to skip it. im sorry, I just wanted to type my thoughts out.. they're too much.

I want to be underweight so, so incredibly badly and the fact that I will probably never get there.. i want to disappear. oh god i'm so fucking torn about this. i'm jealous of underweight girls. i'm so jealous of underweight people in general. I've been crying all day, and i'm actually worried about mum mom coming to my room and seeing me like this. What am I going to tell her?

I will *never* be that easy to pick up. have such slim legs, be the subject of jokes about needing a burger, about needing to gain weight.

i'm going to sound awful but.. this is the only thing I want that I can't buy, or ask my parents to get me for my birthday. and bitchy as it might sound, I despise not being able to throw money at this problem.

The jealousy is the worst part. i'm so jealous. of proana Tumblr girls, of /r/thinspo girls, of tall boys, kpop idols even though I don't listen to kpop.. of my friends. That's kind of the worst part, this piece of shit disorder getting between me and my friends.

I wish I was severely underweight. I wish so fucking badly that I had that. that I could eat whatever. that i could wear whatever. I wish I was posting on /r/gainit, buying gainer shake at the advice of my doctor, I wish people nicknamed me shit like Twig.

Guys, I love all of you so much. This is the most warm, understanding community I've been on on Reddit. but lord.. i want to die right now.

i'm just gonna tell my mom i'm watching Titanic or something. It's easier to explain.

---

[Rant/Rave] My friend basically told me to not post my weightloss
/u/mittensmel
Created: Tue Jul 24 05:32:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gkxt/my_friend_basically_told_me_to_not_post_my/
---
I have a friend who used to be class 2 obese but she had weightloss surgery and lost lots of weight and posted about it on instagram.
I found it pretty triggering but never said anything.

The last 5 weeks I have been restricting and losing weight. I haven't been drastivally restricting, only down to 900 to 1200 cals a day. And I've been working out a lot. The last week and a half I've been sick and unable to eat much at a time and my friend knows this.

Today I posted on instagram how I have gone from an L to an S size. I'm pretty proud of that.
She messaged me and said maybe I shouldn't be posting things like that because it would gove other people unrealistic goals and ideas a out weightloss. She said I don't want to contribute to that instagram problem.

At first I didn't know how to take it, but then I felt extraordinarily triggered and considered not having any dinner tonight. Then I asked another friend and she got mad.

I just found the whole convo a bit weird. This friend knows I've been ednos in the past too.

---

[Discussion] DAE use multiple calorie/fitness/weight tracking apps?
/u/eyjafjallafuckyall [17F | 156cm | HW 53,7kg | LW 38,7kg | CW 45,4kg]
Created: Tue Jul 24 05:07:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gfgd/dae_use_multiple_caloriefitnessweight_tracking/
---
I use mfp, lose it, cronometer, and happy scale, because I like to be really meticulous in my tracking. Anyone else do this? Any app recommendations?

---

My favourite food 'hack'! What's yours?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Tue Jul 24 05:02:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ge94/my_favourite_food_hack_whats_yours/
---
Like, I have milky tea (sometimes coffee) almost every day and I put in some salt to bring out the sweet flavours - I also add in sweetener and a dash of milk and if it's a dessert tea like cookies & cream or gingerbread (I have zillions of those flavoured tea, yes, even in summer) and it tastes like the sweetest, creamiest treat ever for 10 calories (thats what I count for the splash of milk - too lazy to weight it out lol).

I'm really into white hot chocolate too and bought Option's 44-calorie one, but it's disgusting - so now I made it as usual, but with an extra dash of milk, salt and sweetener - AND ITS SO GOOD OMG YOU GUYS GOTTA TRY THIS!

Whats your favourite 'hack'? :)

---

[Other] I love that I have no problem going days without food but like I’m also the person in a group that’s making sure everyone’s drinking their water. 😂
/u/onthewaydownnn [25F 5'7" HW: 188 CW: 150 GW: 118]
Created: Tue Jul 24 04:52:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91gc5u/i_love_that_i_have_no_problem_going_days_without/
---
Me: “Drink your water!”
Me: Have you had your water?”
Me: “It’s really hot today, make sure you get that water in!”
Me: “You should have a snack. Its been hours since you ate last. Sit down, here I have snacks in my bag.”




....also me: * purging in the bathroom after eating a handful of goldfish. *

*Hahahahaha I’m a hypocrite.*

---

[Rant/Rave] binged :/
/u/clownentine
Created: Tue Jul 24 04:20:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91g5mt/binged/
---
I was doing really well, I allowed myself 1,000 calories today! I got up to about 600 calories and I was *done* eating until my mom got pizza. I ate way more than I should, to the point that my stomach ached. I didn't even WANT it anymore!!! it didn't even taste that good! I'm so disappointed in myself, I feel sick and disgusting. I know I can try again tomorrow and all, but I'm still just upset at myself for this. I should really know better by now.

---

[Help] dentists
/u/acrsita
Created: Tue Jul 24 04:10:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91g3k9/dentists/
---
i’ve been purging for probably 6 months now? i rarely purge until it’s only acid, and i do it soon after eating so it’s not super acidic. i’m sure it has had some effect on my teeth, but i don’t notice it.

i’m going to the dentist in a few days. i’m a minor.

will they notice, and if they do, will they say anything?

---

Tips for BDD
/u/Nyxx_styxx
Created: Tue Jul 24 04:06:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91g2ww/tips_for_bdd/
---
I struggle hard with BDD I’ve lost around 100lbs last year and in my mind I still look exactly the same, I’ve tried everything such as body checks and measurements but I can’t get my brain to register how I look, does anyone know how I can help combat this?

---

Has anyone found themselves self harming more the less they engage in food-related behaviors?
/u/MikiMeki
Created: Tue Jul 24 04:04:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91g2j4/has_anyone_found_themselves_self_harming_more_the/
---
It only just hit me as a conclusion and I wanna know if anyone else has noticed the same thing. I can't figure out what happened. I used to be a severe picker/biter .then left it behind for starving and OCD-behaviors. then left *those* behind for more impulsive biting and scratching. But its l ike a gradient. I was starving before OCD and then stopped nail biting while starving. Im still technically *starving* now but I dont do OCD rituals anymore. I just.. get really heated and end up scratching myself and biting myself. I thought maybe it was because I have a hard time dealing with seeing my body knowing I cant starve it away again but Im not sure thats it..

---

Stretch Marks
/u/Kaylawantstodie
Created: Tue Jul 24 03:56:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91g0wr/stretch_marks/
---
So I have Stretch-marks on my thighs. How do I help get rid of them?? I don’t have stretch mark removal cream and every time I see them I like get triggered. Any advice? Thanks.

---

[Rant/Rave] I played myself: threesome edition (NSFW??)
/u/oxygens_overrated [5'4|CW:126|LW:113|GW1:125 |18F|]
Created: Tue Jul 24 03:47:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fz7x/i_played_myself_threesome_edition_nsfw/
---
So background info: my boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year now (and have been intimate for about 2 years) and we are very open and honest in our relationship. And a few months ago I mentioned to my boyfriend that I would be down to have a threesome with him. I have one particular friend who I always planned on having a threesome with and for some more background info, she is gorgeous, about 5'1 and 78 pounds (she does not having an eating disorder but does have many gastrointestinal issues for anyone wondering). Ever since I mentioned this threesome, it ALWAYS gets brought up. My bf is so so so excited about this threesome and is even showing interest into sharing pics with other girls and various types of threesome type things (idk if that makes sense lol). Now the issue is, I WAS okay with having a threesome with this girl. She is a very close and trusted friend, I am not jealous of her body for whatever reason, and I don't see her as competition in anyway. BUUUTTT my bf talks about having this threesome so much now I am totally starting to have doubts about out relationship. I keep wondering if he is still attracted to me. Logically, I know that threesomes are very exciting and anything 'new' is obviously more interesting than something 'old'. I was planning on maintaining this weight but now I'm restricting again and spiraling. The thing is though, it's not like I am trying to look like the girl we were going to have a threesome with, I just want him to find me and ONLY me hot. The idea that he desires to be with other girls as much as he does is killing me. I want to be the one to turn him on, not the thought of the threesome. Does anyone have advice or have been in a similar situation. I have told him that the idea is starting to make me upset, and he has stopped talking about it but I still can't get those ideas and previous conversations out of my head.

---

[Rant/Rave] It’s not fair...
/u/travelers-unite [5'8" | CW:163 | GW:110 | ♂]
Created: Tue Jul 24 03:41:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fy2y/its_not_fair/
---
My husband weights ~95 lbs (he weighed himself in the middle of the day too) and eats whatever he likes, whenever he likes. Seems to have a wonderful relationship with food.

I can’t stop gaining weight no matter how many days I restrict or even net-0 in a row and it’s starting to drive me crazy. I feel so much guilt even putting honey in my green tea.

I had to go in for surgery a few days ago so I feel so powerless not being able to do cardio. I’ve just been letting myself eat to try and recover (never above 1000 net though) and I’m still gaining weight and I want to cry!!! I hate this, none of this is fair!!

---

[Rant/Rave] The doctor changed my medication
/u/space-crumpet [178 cm | GW: 65kg | F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 02:51:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fp5w/the_doctor_changed_my_medication/
---
I had an appointment yesterday. My psychiatrist decided to switch my meds, because she thinks my ED is more important than anxiety. I took half of dose yesterday, as I should have, and I feel terrible rn. I'm sitting at work, and all I can think of is FOOD. Like, I could eat literally anything right now. I'm drinking 0-kcal soda, and trying to cheat my brain. The doctor said, I could switch back to my previous meds, if I feel bad. If that's not bad, then I don't know what is...

---

[Other] Cigarettes
/u/yungbrrrat [5'8 / HW 143 / CW 138 / GW 122 / F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 02:50:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fow3/cigarettes/
---
I told myself I was gonna quit but I binged so bad off them and gained shittons of weight.
I had one today and oh maann I forgot how good they are at suppressing appetite, I just smoke two or three and the sight of food makes me queasy 👌🏻

---

[Rant/Rave] why am i like this
/u/audreybelle_ [5’3 | 15F | cw: fat | gw: 110lbs | hw: 159.8lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:59:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fg2m/why_am_i_like_this/
---
it always makes me angry. it sets off some type of trigger in my mind, when someone talks about, or claims to have an eating disorder when they don’t actually have one. and today? my friend set that off. we were messaging on discord, when she mentioned eating disorders. i was talking to her about how i had lost a good amount of weight (haven’t updated flair), and how happy i was. then of course, she turned the topic to eating disorders. honestly? i have no idea why she decided to do that. she knows i have an eating disorder, even though i’m not very open about it. considering she knows i have one, i thought she’d at least know what an eating disorder was. she didn’t. she told me she had an eating disorder, because for the past week she hasn’t had an appetite, and hasn’t eaten much. this triggered something in me. i don’t even know what happened. i called her, and i went off. i called her a stupid bitch, i told her she’d never know what it’s like to have an eating disorder, i told her on how i was surviving on barely 1000 calories a day, i told her how i stood on the scale obsessively, lied to my parents daily about eating, and chewed up food then spit it out, and a couple other things that i don’t feel comfortable typing out. she was hurt, she ended the call with a simple “okay,” that sounded like she was on the edge of tears. i regret saying those things so much. i don’t even know WHY i said them. and now i realize that my obsession with being thin has just led to the end of another friendship. i’m a horrible person. i don’t need, nor deserve friends.

---

Nailed it
/u/meineschatzi [165cm | CW: 58kg | BMI: 21.5 | GW: 52kg | 25F]
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:54:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ff5g/nailed_it/
---
Going out to a concert tonight, decided to have a cheeky b/p sesh beforehand (ie completely lost control) and burst blood vessels in my ACTUAL EYE 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 I’m doing great guys

Also my shorts barely fit and I feel heinous and disgusting but I had nothing else to wear and it’s not feeling good peeps

---

I legit am tempted to try this
/u/caenglish
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:36:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91fbty/i_legit_am_tempted_to_try_this/
---
[Who is this genius?](https://www.reddit.com/r/1200isfineIGUESSugh/comments/9182o1/you_wont_believe_this_one_dieting_trick1/?st=JJZDXAFE&sh=455c26d1)

---

[Discussion] Opinions/Experiences on Prozac
/u/uncommonlyaverage [5'3 | CW 109 | GW 92 | 19.31 | -16 lbs | 19F ]
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:14:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91f7sd/opinionsexperiences_on_prozac/
---
Hi, my therapist suggested I get on prozac for depression/anxiety. I am wondering what the effects were. Did it make you gain weight? Did it help reducing binging and purging? Did it help you lose weight? What are the positives/negatives of being on it. Thanks any inputed is appreciated!

---

[Rant/Rave] my period came back and i feel like a failure
/u/innocentkitty [5'1.5 | CW: 90 | 17.0 | GW: 85]
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:13:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91f7nd/my_period_came_back_and_i_feel_like_a_failure/
---
i woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and to my surprise after 7 months of not having a period it was right there. i feel like such a failure - i must not be restricting enough. i must have put on weight and not be small enough anymore. it was the only validation i had and now it’s gone i never want to eat again.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else switch between restriction and casual eating based on triggers, emotions, weight, etc.?
/u/WaffleWolf14 [5’7” | CW: 113.8 | BMI: 17.7 | F | GW:100 |]
Created: Tue Jul 24 01:11:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91f7cb/does_anyone_else_switch_between_restriction_and/
---
I’m not diagnosed because I’m too scared (and have no desire) to talk to a professional about my disordered eating, but I would probably label it as a restrictive type of EDNOS. I switch between restriction and ‘normal’ eating depending on my weight or mood, or some tiny trigger, and it can be pretty spastic.

For example, starting last Tuesday I restricted heavily throughout the week (~300 calories). But this weekend, which I spent with my family, I had to eat normally beside them, and the anxiety began to wear off. This Monday, when I was alone again, I still ate like a normal person. Tomorrow? Who knows?! I might go walking for 2 hours in 96 degree weather without eating, or I might sit on the couch and be lazy all day while eating junk food!

Long story short: I’m maintaining in a weird up and down fashion by restricting, going back to normal, restricting again, etc etc. Over time I’m probably ever so slowly losing weight, but it’s super frustrating.

I still have body dysmorphia and low self esteem no matter my diet, but my diet (and my weight) fluctuate a lot, and a restriction episode can be triggered by the tiniest things.

Thankfully once school starts again, I think I’ll be on track again (a schedule often helps). But I was just wondering if anyone else did this?? Or am I just crazy???

PS Rant: My scale is broken and I don’t have tape so I guess I have to go off the mirror :/ oh boy howdy we all know how this goes

---

When you move in above a gym
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Tue Jul 24 00:16:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ewew/when_you_move_in_above_a_gym/
---
Above. A. Gym.

I'm so excited that if I can keep my calories low enough I can burn the majority of it off and it could be like I barely ate anything at all 😍

---

[Intro] Intermittent fasting
/u/Spooky__spaghetti
Created: Tue Jul 24 00:12:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91evj6/intermittent_fasting/
---
I'm rather new, I've been lurking for a couple weeks now but lately my depression has slipped and you know the routine.
Instead of a full intro I'll just ask, is anyone doing intermittent fasting? What are your results?


Some about me. I'm 27 now and I felt somewhat normal, eating wise. Compared to when I was in high school.
About 3 years ago I was 130 pounds which I starved to get too. Since getting my own place and living alone I managed to get to 170 give or take. I should mention I'm 6'1" . It's to the point people make comments even my family & bf.

---

I think I went a little overboard
/u/cryingboi65
Created: Mon Jul 23 23:54:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ervf/i_think_i_went_a_little_overboard/
---
So after restricting very heavily today I exercised and burned around 200 calories (not much I know :/) and even then I purged,now my head is swirling and it feels like I have iron slabs tied to my ankles,so I'm gonna go to bed and hopefully feel better in the morning right now I feel like death.

---

low calorie recipes?
/u/sweaterbug
Created: Mon Jul 23 23:52:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91erg8/low_calorie_recipes/
---
hi again! does anyone have any low-calorie recipes? (i don't have any allergies/diet preferences btw)

thank you!

---

I think he knows now.
/u/glittoris
Created: Mon Jul 23 23:30:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91en5e/i_think_he_knows_now/
---
I’m sitting here in the living room with my hands stinking of puke and him in the bedroom trying to get some sleep for tomorrow’s work day.

He came knocking on the door just as I finished a b/p and was washing my hands and face up. As I sprayed the Febreeze he called out my name and I just felt my inside do a flip. I almost froze from anxiety but I moved quicker.

I get out and make my way to the couch, nervous. I feel like I’ve been caught doing something wrong just the way it felt when I would get in trouble as a kid. My bowl of croutons unfinished in front of me. As if I was going to keep eating.

He comes out and tries to give me a kiss and I know I reek of vomit so I turn my cheek. He doesn’t budge. Okay, a quick peck. There. Good? Good. And he won’t look me in the face. His head is down as he makes his way to bed. And he doesn’t look at me and I can feel his disappointment. And he knows. And I know. And I’m not sorry. And neither is he for me.

He won’t say a word about it. He never did. Not when I lost 35 lbs. And not when I’m going to lose 20 more.


Just needed to write this somewhere, thank you for reading <3

---

[Rant/Rave] Friggin frig
/u/riplickle
Created: Mon Jul 23 23:00:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91eglu/friggin_frig/
---
One of my best friends passed last night. She will be forever missed. I'm fighting the urge to eat my feelings, or to drink them. I have weed, it only kinda works. Munchies terrify me.

Its not fucking fair, ok. It's just not.

---

i finally came here y’all
/u/angelic-rose [🌹 5’6 | 130 | 21.59 | 19F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:36:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91eb8i/i_finally_came_here_yall/
---
Heyo, long-time lurker and first-time poster here. Kinda new to all of this.

As my flair indicates, I’m 19. I’ll be a sophomore in university this year. I’ve always been thin and seemingly never had to worry about my weight (even when my disordered eating habits started during my senior year of high school??? Why the hell was I worried about weight gain when I was nearly underweight??¿ ig that’s why I’m here)

Then I started college. I had a meal plan and my formlerly-impoverished ass hates wasting money so I tried to use up all of my meal swipes and stuff. Cue freshman 15. Then the holidays came around and I gained even more weight. At my heaviest I think I was around 140, which I know is a normal weight but I felt sooo shitty and gross. My thighs started touching and I was /not/ used to that. They still touch at the top and it bothers me more than it should.

Anyway. I’ve since vowed to never reach my high weight again. I haven’t had access to a scale in quite some time so I can’t use solid numbers as a reference point for goals or current stats. I could buy one obviously but I feel like that would really send me down a dangerous rabbit hole.

I’ve lost some of the weight I put on previously, although I’ve been stuck in the same shitty binge-restrict cycle for fucking months. I’m staying with family until I can move back into my dorm (and can properly restrict lmao) and they keep a lot of my fear foods here since that’s what the kids like to eat. Every time I try to stick to my healthy food someone makes a cake or something and I lose my shit and eat spoonfuls of the leftover frosting. It happened tonight and I feel disgusting.

But yeah!! That’s some context. To be honest I feel like a fake but I know that my relationship with food is absolutely fucked. I’m trying to lose more weight before I go back to school next month, maybe hit the lower-120s. Right now any day that I don’t binge is a victory though.

I guess I bit the bullet and posted here because I need to socialize and you all seem so lovely. This sounds messed up but I’m looking forward to my time here, no matter how long that may be.❤️

---

[Discussion] DAE look at thinspo of opposite sex?
/u/philoqueen [5'7" | CW 112 | BMI 17.5 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:33:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ear1/dae_look_at_thinspo_of_opposite_sex/
---
I'm a female, physically at least, but I've always wanted to look more masculine. Luckily I have broad shoulders and literally NO boobs due to my ED, but I still got hips. Usually I can hide my femme features, and sometimes I feel like a girl and don't mind them as much. But I'm wondering if anyone else here is gender-queer/or fluid and their ED is fueled by wanting to look more andro.

---

[Other] Wish me luck
/u/elevenbravo274
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:31:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91eaag/wish_me_luck/
---
I was doing well with restricting until today, when I went overboard (did a lot of c/s and probably went over 1100 calories when my daily goal is <700, ugh I hate myself) so I planned out exactly what I’m going to eat tomorrow and I need to stick to this. I have to remind myself how good it feels when I am restricting and how good I feel about myself when I do.

---

Documentary on Amazon Prime - Fasting
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 113.7 | GW 101 | WL 4 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:25:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91e8vp/documentary_on_amazon_prime_fasting/
---
Watching now and it's interesting. One thing they say is fasting doesn't lower your BMR as much as prolonged restricting. Also, in a study of time restricted eating vs ad lib eating, the time-restricted mice supposedly stated thinner than the ad lib eating mice.

---

Weird desire to brag about my problems to my husband
/u/starvingluna
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:18:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91e76e/weird_desire_to_brag_about_my_problems_to_my/
---
Am I just a sick person? I feel this urge to tell him so much. To brag about the details of my eating problems. He doesn’t like to hear about it. It makes him uncomfortable, so I keep the details to a minimum. But I don’t know, I just want him to comfort me about it, so I try to make myself out to be this weak person with all these problems. Granted, I am fairly fucked up, but I’ve never gotten thin enough for people to be legitimately worried. And he’s the only one who knows right now. I just want to be acknowledged. I feel like I’m not sick enough to have people be concerned but I want them to care, you know? Am I going insane?

---

Appetite suppressant lollipops?
/u/sylas69 [5’4 | 118 lbs | 20.25 | f]
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91e6w7/appetite_suppressant_lollipops/
---
I found these through Instagram and all the reviews seem good, so I’m tempted to try them out— what do you guys think of these? It says they’re 35 calories per lollipop.

https://flattummyco.com/products/flattummylollipops

---

[Rant/Rave] stupid mini rant
/u/ellissaa
Created: Mon Jul 23 22:06:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91e4gc/stupid_mini_rant/
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i hate this. i hate being tired all the time and i hate having no energy to do anything. i want to learn how to bake better but every time i even think about baking again i get scared about all of those calories i might end up eating. i hate being obsessive about food but i also hate the thought of gaining. anyways sorry for rambling i just needed to type this all out

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[Help] EC stacking
/u/srh01
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:43:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dywk/ec_stacking/
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I'm considering buying ephedrine (Bronkaid) and/or pseudoephedrine (Sudafed) for EC stacks as an appetite suppressant. For those that have tried both: is there one you'd recommend over the other? If you've taken either, have you experienced negative side effects from it? How effective do you feel EC stacks are?

It's not legal to buy ephedrine or pseudoephedrine in my state as a minor (I'm 17), so if I bought it, it would be during my trip to Boston and NYC next week.

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[Rant/Rave] Cannot be social anymore
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dype/cannot_be_social_anymore/
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God I’m sick of hanging out with friends because everything revolves food. Catching up? Let’s go to dinner! Staying home? let order take out! I haven’t told anyone yet about my ed but I cannot keep seeing my friends as much as I do it’s costing me my weight and my money I can do so much better without eating out with them it’s only gonna be a few more weeks until we’re all back at school and become busy again I hope they all will manage ugh

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[Discussion] DAE feel like they need someone to keep them in check?
/u/BroItsJesus [5'4 | CW ? | GW 100 | 18F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:33:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dwo1/dae_feel_like_they_need_someone_to_keep_them_in/
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I go through phases of binging and restricting that are so irregular. So often I feel like I just need to have someone there to say "no. Drop that fucking chocolate bar you fat fuck, you're better than this" y'know?

I feel like an ED faker :/

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Do I belong here?
/u/dashtigerfang
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:33:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dwkk/do_i_belong_here/
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So I sort of swing between times where I don’t eat at all and I eat everything in sight. I was prescribed a stimulant to curb the binging but I don’t take it on the daily.

Right now I’m telling friends I’m doing keto but I’m really just eating like nothing all day except cold brew.

I don’t know where else to go.

I just want to stop being so fat.

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[Help] Super low cal foods or meals without aspartame or super artificial additives?
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:31:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dw04/super_low_cal_foods_or_meals_without_aspartame_or/
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Hello, I have begun restricting again but I'm noticing I don't feel well when I eat things with aspartame or similar 0cal foods (gum, candy, drinks, etc.). Stevia's ok but it has a weird taste, plus, I don't really want to accustom myself to sugary stuff. Anyone have any ideas? All I have is tea, caffeine, celery, carrots, tomatoes. I really love the ricola mixed berry but they're 30 cals a piece. Eggs are pretty good to have for a meal since it's 80 per egg. I'm trying to not eat meat, nuts, dairy, and maybe even grains since it was a past addiction.

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[Other] Going on a trip for work - how to appear to eat normally & deal with social night drinking?
/u/WantsToPetAllTheDogs
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:29:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dvqt/going_on_a_trip_for_work_how_to_appear_to_eat/
---

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EC stacks make me want something more
/u/iloveitosusumu [5'9 | SW185 | CW? | GW111 | BMI? | 20F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:25:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dukf/ec_stacks_make_me_want_something_more/
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Thinking abt shit like heroin and coke. I haven't gone a day without stacking for like nearly a month and haven't eaten solids in almost as long. Sometimes I read my old, old posts, full of binges and purges and getting absolutely nowhere and it's just? I don't know her. Not even "who is she" cause nobody cares lmao. It's so surreal, I wish I had more pictures of myself a year ago because I swear to god I didn't realize just how fat I was. I thought I was normal and it's indescribable what that feels like now. High weight was 185 for ref

I put my scale away and I don't have the will to get it out. I hope I DIE without knowing!!!! That would be so fucking cool, fat2fit2fresh-corpse. If that girl with 15' calves is reading this, I'm at 11' now so dreams do come a little bit true and I love you.

You're all so sweet and I'm not in any danger so don't waste any emotional labor on me!!!! I'm hangry as SHIT, share your good times and successes w/ me!!!!!!!!!!

---

Back sliding
/u/shit98765
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:24:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91duf0/back_sliding/
---
I started having an ED when I was around 15 (a lot of issues with my parents but that’s other drama) and I managed my bulimia okay so most people didn’t know about it, at least I think, I used to pass out and I couldn’t donate blood for a long time-malnutrition kind of issue. Fast forward to college and I’ve been accepted into medical school and I’m still struggling with accepting my body and having a healthy relationship with food. I had an incident that made me wonder if I could do medicine with an eating disorder. So that pushed me to change. I started thinking better about food, not turning to it when stressed or throwing up when stressed. I did this myself, still never told my friends or family. 

Fast forward again and I’m in my first year of med school and I tell my ex that I still love him  and want to spend my life with him (TL;DR we broke up over a year ago and never stopped texting -texting like 10 hours/day - or hanging out when I’m home). He tells me he’s been seeing someone (completely blindsiding me) and doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore but said he doesn’t know what the future will be. I’m still completely in love with him  and would do anything to be with him. He's basically stopped talking to me and seems to spend so much time with this new girl. I just feel like I'm never going to find a special relationship with anyone again.

Anyway, all this stress for the passed few months had really pushed me back into old ways. I don’t really know what do to here because my personal situation is affecting everything in my life and really pulling me down. I signed up for therapy and did the in take, I’m waiting to go to my first appointment in August but I don’t know how to talk about this with them either. 

---

Cherry season panic
/u/emptywithyou
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:23:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91du8m/cherry_season_panic/
---
Had to eat dinner with my mum after sitting in my comforting restriction bubble for a nice while. Wasn't a big deal, maybe 400 calories, nothing I should have wigged at, but you know how it goes.

Still unfortunately got a bit of the ol' freak out after ma went to bed and purged it, totally forgetting that "dessert" had been 5 fresh cherries and a glass of water.

INSTANTLY my brain was like "oh god you've finally done it you're dying."

Now, I have frequent "this is how I die" moments. Slip on some ice? This is how I die. Get a little dizzy in the shower? This is definitely how I die. Choke on a cracker alone at home? TIHID.

But until now, I have never had that moment whilst expelling blood-red liquid from my mouth.

I think I'm going to start a list, just so I can put that on it.

---

[Rant/Rave] What self esteem
/u/lavenderbruises [5'10"|CW 115| GW 100| BMI 16.74| 19F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 21:03:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91doyh/what_self_esteem/
---
Honestly I’m just having a bad night and it feels like nothing is going right in my life. I’ll probably get over it and start worrying about more important things but goddamn I want to vent and have a little self pity party.

First off, I fucking hate my skin. I have random ass breakouts which always leads to acne scars even if I don’t pick at them. NOTHING I do seems to make a bit of difference. Meanwhile there are girls out there who literally sleep in their makeup and wake up with flawless dewy skin.

My actual face is not much better. I have an underbite and I need braces for it but I’m waiting until I get a job next year so I’ll have insurance. Even then I’ll have to look like an awkward teenager for 2 years.

Then there’s my body. My weird ugly body. My nonexistent boobs and my shapeless waist and my tree trunk legs. Apparently my pear shape is genetic so even if I starve myself to the brink of death I will still have thick muscular man calves.

As for the icing on top of the cake, no one freaking cares about me. Besides my family obviously but they’re kinda obligated to. My ex is following tons of basic bitches on Instagram and they’re all hotter than me. Not skinnier than me obvs but like hotter in the eyes of a dude. I bet good money that he’s fucking at least one of them, but maybe not because he has no game.

So yeah. There you have it. Nobody compliments my appearance besides thirsty guys on dating apps and middle aged women. I feel about as attractive as a literal pile of shit.

Or Im just PMSing real bad, that’s probably it. I’ll go back to not giving a crap soon.

---

What apps do you all use?
/u/JadeChaosTheory
Created: Mon Jul 23 20:44:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dk6t/what_apps_do_you_all_use/
---
I see lots of cool screenshots and I’m curious what apps everyone uses to help / document their journeys. I’m a data nerd, I love looking at charts, graphs, and trends.

Right now other than LoseIt for calories i use MoodNotes to keep track of how my episodes effect my mood or vice versa.

I’ve only been doing it for 2 weeks so i don’t have a lot to look over just yet but it’s been insightful already. My goal is to be able to see patterns of a decline that leads to a binge or hyper-restriction period.

I’m noticing that interacting with my attractive, younger coworkers so far triggers my restrictions.

What about you all? What’s been super helpful / have you discovered about yourself?

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Had a moment of crisis in front of my cousin
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 107 | GW 100 | 18FtM]
Created: Mon Jul 23 20:32:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91dhd9/had_a_moment_of_crisis_in_front_of_my_cousin/
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I am so, SO bad at hiding my eating disorder when I'm intoxicated in anyway. My cousin asked me to grab some bread as we were about to make french toast, and as I was about to grab it I had this weird fit of? laughter? I started panicking REALLY hard and it manifested as me standing in front of the breadbox giggle crying for a good five minutes.

I'm so embarassed. Agh.

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ec stack, bloated like CRAZY
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Mon Jul 23 20:19:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91de1t/ec_stack_bloated_like_crazy/
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Does anyone else retain water like crazy when they’re doing the EC stack? It’s every time, no matter how much I drink I swear to god.... the trade off for having no appetite is apparently looking six months pregnant :(
My period isn’t helping either, I miss not getting it. I just.

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[Rant/Rave] Husband wanted to have sex in front of the bathroom mirror
/u/augenzeugen
Created: Mon Jul 23 20:19:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91de01/husband_wanted_to_have_sex_in_front_of_the/
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And holy shitballs I didn’t realize what a terrible idea that was until we were already going at it. We haven’t done that since I gained 60lb toward the end of college and I’ve lost 30 so far but damn everything jiggles so much and I could barely even see him behind me and he thought it was hot and I just want to barf like thanks for the motivation to definitely start a fast tonight

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[Discussion] Concave Stomach
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 19:37:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91d393/concave_stomach/
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When does your stomach concave in a fast? At first it was 3 days for me. Now, it’s if I go anytime over about 20 hours. I’ve got one right now as I’m 36 hours in, and it makes it all the harder to break.

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[Discussion] Things that are more important to you than your ED
/u/alicenothingland
Created: Mon Jul 23 19:34:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91d2dx/things_that_are_more_important_to_you_than_your_ed/
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In this community, eating disorders always seem to take first place in everything we do and all the choices we make. Our well-being, social events, our thoughts, etc.

I want to know what is *more* important to you than your ED.

It’s ok if nothing comes to mind immediately, but I’m sure if you think of it, you’ll find something or someone that is more important than this disorder.

---

[Intro] hi :)
/u/sweaterbug
Created: Mon Jul 23 19:31:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91d1pj/hi/
---
hi everyone, i'm new to this subreddit but not new to ED. i've been lurking for a few days and this honestly seems like a very supportive and understanding environment, so thank you for providing that!
i'm a 16 year old girl and have been fighting anorexia for 6 years now on and off. recently i noticed i've gained quite a bit of weight (i'd guess 5kgs ((11 lbs i think? sorry i'm from au and don't use lbs all that much))) based on remarks by family and friends that i look more womanly/curvy/etc and the fact that i can just tell, you know? the reason i haven't weighed myself is because a) my family doesn't have a scale since they threw it out when i was hospitalised 3years ago and b) i'm way too terrified. i **know** that i've gained a lot of weight, but god, i'd hate to know exactly how much. is anyone else afraid of weighing themselves, but still desperate to know?

anywho i decided i'd go and ask for some help. i saw in the rules post that asking for diet tips is banned, and i'm really sorry if this crosses that line, but i'm on about 900 calories a day at the moment (as of yesterday). i'm wondering if that's enough? i just see a *lot* of ana diet plans out there that seem fake, that's all. i want to lose weight but not too dramatically/quickly, as i wouldn't want to worry family. i'm just extremely unhappy with my body - i feel the most unhappy about it since i was 10.

if i had to guess i'd say my height is 168cm (5 ft 5) and weight was 55kg or 121lbs. i want to lose 10 kgs and get back to 45kgs eventually. i was happiest there. my therapist (i don't see her anymore) would always say that i would feel happier the more "healthy" i was, but that's not true. if my guesses are correct then i'm in the middle of a healthy weight range, but i've never felt shittier. i was at peace with myself when i weighed 45kgs. not when i weighed 40. it was always 45. that was perfect.

i'm sorry if i broke any rules in this post, please let me know and i'll be more careful in future. thank you again <3

TL;DR: hi i'm new, height 5ft 5, weight 121, age 16, female, gw 99lbs. nice to meet you all.

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I binged and I'm disgusting
/u/apinkphoenix [185cm | 74kg | 20.7 | -18kg | 32F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 19:18:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cya8/i_binged_and_im_disgusting/
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Somehow I let myself get horribly drunk and I managed to eat EASILY 2000+ calories. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. I just want to confess how disgusting I am and how little self control I have. Sorry for being so crass xo

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[Rant/Rave] Just need to use this space for a minute...
/u/idkhowtoeatwhoops
Created: Mon Jul 23 19:06:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cvbv/just_need_to_use_this_space_for_a_minute/
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... I have nothing new or interesting or simulating to say. Not looking for upvotes or comments (although I love hearing from you) but here is a free writing excerpt about my evening battling with urges and disappointment.


Things have gone wrong and things have gone right but man


Am I tired.

Tired of the bullshit.

Tired of the fact that I am SO happy when I stay under calories.

Tired of the fact that I consider a day “terrible” or “ruined” if I binge or eat over even if every other part was good.

Tired of counting and having to prep ahead of social outings.

Tired of the embarrassment, the never ending mental math and weighing.

Tired of fucking shitty diet food. Sure rice cakes are good but they fucking don’t replace bread. Yeah VitaminWater Zero is nice and all but the fake sugar stomach cramps? Is it worth it?

Tired of judging myself and others for what I eat. Tired of going to the gym and zoning out and just watching the calories burned tick up and up until I can’t go any longer.

Tired of hating my body. Every step I take is torture... I feel it in my thighs my arms my calves my chin my belly. I can only wear tight binding hot clothes so that I can pretend that my thighs don’t ACTUALLY spill over the edge of the bus seats.

Tired of considering self harm “better” than binging. Ashamed but also desperate someone will see them and say what’s up.

I’ve been in treatment and it’s done me SO good but man... recovery from ED or even just mental illness is just ... too much work sometimes.


Fuck. I’m so tired.

---

[Rant/Rave] I’m pissed.
/u/ace7415
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cr27/im_pissed/
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Tl;dr: dietitian gave me a meal plan. I’m upset and my mom made some unhelpful comments that upset me even more.

My dietitian gave me a meal plan today. If I don’t follow it or refuse to eat, being sent to inpatient care will be discussed. I’m currently sitting alone on the bathroom floor crying because of it. I was so happy restricting. I was losing weight fast. I was finally ready to keep at it. I’m so sad and hurt and angry. I just want to punch something. And the worst part is my mom didn’t know it was hard for me!! She walked into her office and when my dietitian handed her the meal plan I started crying because it hit me that holy shit this is really happening. Anyway, my dietitian told my mom when she asked why I was crying that it’s not a fun thing to have to go through and my mom was like, “oh. I didn’t know.” Like what the hell, does she actually think that me (with an eating disorder) would enjoy being forced to eat??! And then she said “wow, that’s a lot of food to have to eat.” As if what if she said before wasn’t bad enough. The last comment really upset me because how could she be so careless as to say that to her own daughter? Anyway sorry. Just wanted some support/wanted to get this off my chest.

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i fainted in front of my mom
/u/lizzleplx
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:33:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cmrq/i_fainted_in_front_of_my_mom/
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my mom is now super worried about my eating habits and paying closer attention because i fainted in front of her... >\_<

i know its good she cares and is worried but i feel so bad that i make people worry and i just want to keep losing weight...idk

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[Rant/Rave] I HATE MATH
/u/nymphlotus [64in | 157 | 26.9 | -23lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:30:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91clop/i_hate_math/
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Seriously. I do math at work and that's the only time I ever want to have to do it. But it's become the least favorite part of my ED.

I weigh my food to make sure the calories are right. But it doesn't always come out exact. So not only am I tracking calories and macros in all my food, I then have to do the math to figure out shit like "oh this is 90 calories per 120 gram serving, but the amount I'm eating is 102 grams". And then I do that math for all the macros, too.

I hate math. I suck at it. It makes my brain hurt.

Honestly every time I fall off the wagon and binge it's because I was too fed up to sit and do the math ritual that comes with every damn thing I eat.

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[Other] Negative Calorie Day
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7"| CW 171.8 | 26.9|-23.2| F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:18:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cihw/negative_calorie_day/
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For the first time ever, as far as I know, I burned more calories exercising than I ate today. I may have done that when I was running quite a bit, like training for a half, but I was eating enormous amounts of calories so I don’t really count that.

Today I burned 678 calories and ate 650 (that was with a 100 calorie snack I allowed myself because I knew I had burned so much already.

I feel both a little ashamed and also elated. Ashamed because I know I’m damaging my body by doing this, but elated because it makes me feel so powerful and I want to do it again.

Not sure where I’m going with this. Just rambling I guess.

---

Legit proud of myself.
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 92lbs | 14.8 | Male]
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:17:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ciad/legit_proud_of_myself/
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I managed to have a piece of the saskatoon berry pie my partner made. This is the second pie he's made, as he received a couple of massive buckets of fresh berries a few weeks ago. I was too terrified to touch the first, but after speaking with my dietitian about this specific scenario, I gave it a try. 1/8th counts as a starch and a fruit, so I had a small (meticulously eyeballed) piece as my lunch, with a salad (veg) and greek yogurt (protein).
I've had issues in the past with major cycles of restricting because I ate too much, then binging because I'm starving, repeat repeat repeat. I've eaten whole cakes and pies and liters of frozen yogurt. But I didn't want to eat the whole pie. I had a satisfying breakfast, and I'm not planning on heavily restricting for the rest of the day, so I was totally fine with the serving, and it didn't seem like "not enough" because I had the salad and yogurt with it. I'm not super full now, and even though I only finished it about an hour ago, I'm almost feeling like I could eat again soon.
According to MFP, I'm still at just under 1100kcal today.
I'm amazed.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else spend absolutely horrific amounts of money on food
/u/LLazarus732
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:12:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cgrh/does_anyone_else_spend_absolutely_horrific/
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That they then either never eat and expires or they eat the entire bag of dried mangos in one sitting and then feel like they’re dying and there is absolutely no inbetween?
I spend hours almost every day wandering health food stores and Trader Joe’s and buy all these “healthy treats” or “healthy snacks” that are almost always horribly overpriced, and then can never justify actually eating them to myself so they sit for months in the cabinet judging me.
On the other hand, lately I am in the habit of buying massive packages of dried fruit intending to ration them, then eat the entire thing that night at 3am.

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Binged Today and Feeling So Guilty
/u/namjoon1994
Created: Mon Jul 23 18:00:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91cdr5/binged_today_and_feeling_so_guilty/
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I restricted yesterday and ate almost nothing but vegetables. Woke up and weighed myself. 2 pounds heavier. Was so fed up even though logically I know It is water weight.

so I had mac n cheese and then miniature bite sized cookies and a takis.

I literally had nothing of nutritional value today (:

I hate myself

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[Rant/Rave] Well... That happened.
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Mon Jul 23 17:49:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91caxz/well_that_happened/
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I previously posted about not having ever been able to purge and it finally happened. Today the urge came over me again and I did it. I'm really not trying to make this is a thing and I feel really weird about the whole experience. Just needed to vent. I'm scared this will be another bad habit I develop...

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[Rant/Rave] Started using Happy Scale and I’m so motivated by it!
/u/JimMakingTheFace [5’5” | CW:133 | GW: 115]
Created: Mon Jul 23 17:40:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91c8e4/started_using_happy_scale_and_im_so_motivated_by/
---
https://i.redd.it/4jth9fmgasb11.jpg

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[Discussion] Still Obsessing Over Calories But...
/u/bruised_ribs [F | 14 | 5'5" | 96.8 | 15.7]
Created: Mon Jul 23 17:13:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91c11c/still_obsessing_over_calories_but/
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I'm eating like a normal human? Kinda? I'm eating over a 1000 calories a day (still normal workouts, though), but I'm still obsessing over calories, probably even more than usual. It's making me feel pretty wannarexic. Does anyone else go through this, or am I being crazy?

---

I spilled the beans
/u/I_love_abortion [5'1| CW122 |BMI 23|GW100 | ]
Created: Mon Jul 23 17:10:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91c05h/i_spilled_the_beans/
---
Well, the metaphorical beans. I hit my lowest weight almost a year ago. It was noticeable, comments were made, I brushed them off like a pro. This past winter/spring I hit rock bottom emotionally, and magically started bingeing. And bingeing. And bingeing. Queue 13 lb gain. Anyone around me who was commenting on the weight loss stopped being concerned because oh look, I'm fat again. Fine, good, I don't care. A couple weeks ago I was shitfaced and fessed up to my new bf and long time bff that I maybe possibly have a problem with eating sometimes. Their response was pretty nonchalant because I am obviously not restricting now. Great. But I hate soooo much that I shared my secret. I feel guilty, like I was seeking attention. I swear on my life, that was not my intention, this kind of attention makes me incredibly anxious. Now I'm ready to restrict again and mad that anytime I decline to eat while I'm with them they'll think I'm looking for attention. I don't know how else to describe it, it's like I'm scared that restricting was only possible and special when it was my secret. It's annoying that it'll take more effort now, and it makes me anxious that someone could try to call me out. But I feel like I'm betraying myself if I give into that fear and don't let myself restrict. Am I crazy? Why am I like this? Why tf did I even say anything to either of them? UGH.

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[Discussion] DAE (anorexics) feel nauseous to the point of almost vomiting when eating?
/u/oceanfishie
Created: Mon Jul 23 17:04:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91byhx/dae_anorexics_feel_nauseous_to_the_point_of/
---
Due to a combination of meds and laziness I’ve had almost no appetite for a very long time. I’m now off these meds, and I don’t eat much at all. When I’ve been attempting to eat full meals recently, at like four bites in I get so nauseous I have to stop eating for like ten minutes. Does this happen to anyone else or is it a me problem?

---

Being pear-shape is somewhat like a death sentence.
/u/chrysanthemym [5"4' | CW: 140lbs | GW: 115lbs | Female ]
Created: Mon Jul 23 16:56:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91bwcn/being_pearshape_is_somewhat_like_a_death_sentence/
---
Honestly though, it really is. Whether it's gaining weight or losing it, I always end up extremely disproportionate. If I lose it, my upper body becomes emaciated, whereas my lower body is smaller but albeit still flabby and still fat.

If I gain it, my upper body looks "all right", but my lower body looks like a huge blob of fat, it honestly looks obese.

I just wish I wasn't so disproportionately shaped and I wish my body had some sense for once.

**TD;LR:** Being pear-shaped is frustrating as fuck because if you're a pear, your body doesn't know how the hell to get rid of fat correctly.

---

I am SO MAD
/u/sadbean17 [158 | 57.8kg | 24 | 18F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 16:34:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91bpy5/i_am_so_mad/
---
Can't flair, on mobile, please flair as Rant/Rave

Anyway.

I want to fucking die rn.
I started off as 61kg, didn't eat for about 3 days and lost 3kg, which put me down to 58kg, I ate the fourth day, no more than 1,500 (I hope). Then continued to fast for another 3 days, I ate on the 3rd day maybe just before 12AM no more than 1,500 so ofc I was considering to at least gain 1kg and a bit, I was expecting but to be at least 56.5kg (my goal was 55kg), but INSTEAD I am 59.1Kgs, I'm so mad at myself for letting myself eat that large amount, I didn't even want it, I could've gone for so much longer or at least ate something light, now I feel like I have to restart, I shouldn't of listened to my SO when he said "you haven't eaten in 3 days so it's okay if you eat this" it was a lie.

I know I'm being dramatic but I feel like dying, I just don't understand why I put myself through the pain of eating when I know I'm going to hate myself afterwards. I wish this was just water weight or something but I honestly just think I'm a fatass. I mean it could be possible I lost no weigh whilst fasting idk.


Short version: fasted hoping to lose weight and instead gained, now I wanna die

---

[Help] Miralax and plateau/bloat?
/u/shiratakisamurai [5'3 | CW 119.3| BMI 21.1 | HW 181| GW 100 | -61.7 | 19F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 16:29:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91boq6/miralax_and_plateaubloat/
---
Hi guys,

About a week ago I started taking miralax for... obvious reasons. It worked well but for some reason I'm up .8 pounds since when I started taking it. I've been drinking A LOT of water and eating 600 calories a day (overestimating everything, I make it all myself and weigh my food meticulously) and exercising off ~500 of those (7 miles of walking a day). Im absolutely panicking because I'm trying to shift into recovery/maintenance soon and the fact that I haven't even increased my calories and I've gained weight is making me feel like I won't be able to do it. I'm just trying to lose a few more pounds before I go home and start seeing a therapist and all that jazz.

It can't be food weight, and I've never had a plateau this long. All I can think of is that it's the miralax. Is that possible?

---

My heart rate is 45bpm...
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 16:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91bm0k/my_heart_rate_is_45bpm/
---
Ate quite a bit this weekend so high restricted to about 900cal today.

I'm in bed about to sleep but after feeling my pulse was quite low, I measured my heart rate twice and it's 45-47 bpm. Should I be worried?

---

[Tip] Some of the things I do to alleviate effects of purging, do you guys have pre-post purge rituals too?
/u/sugafreedreams [M17 | 5'11" | SBMI 28.7 | CBMI 16.8 | 85 lbs lost]
Created: Mon Jul 23 15:34:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91b85u/some_of_the_things_i_do_to_alleviate_effects_of/
---
I don't have a skincare routine, but I do have a routine of things I do before and after purging to help minimize the many negative effects that it causes. I'm not completely ready to quit this horrible addiction yet (although I do try to purge as little as possible), the least I can do now is to minimize tooth decay and make sure that I at least won't die from a heart attack.

I start off by eating a teaspoon of baking soda before eating any of the food that I'm going to purge, tastes pretty rank, but totally worth the benefits. The baking soda neutralizes stomach acid, which saves your teeth and esophagus from damage that the stomach acid would otherwise cause. After just a teaspoon the vomit never burns in the esophagus or throat, most often it doesn't even taste acidic at all. It's much better to neutralize the acidity before it can even reach your teeth in the first place, the acid always has time to do a little bit of damage if you're only rinsing and neutralizing the mouth afterwards.

After purging I immediately take about a quarter teaspoon of baking soda (again) to rinse out the mouth and teeth to neutralize any possible acidity that wasn't gotten rid of in the previous step. I literally carry a little cocaine-looking plastic bag of baking soda in my backpack because it's so useful, it would be a hard thing to explain if seen by someone though lol. These steps have appeared to work, as I've experienced absolutely no tooth decay (not even sensitivity) from purging almost daily for over half a year now. I spent a lot of time with braces on to get my teeth this straight, so I'm doing anything I can to not make them rot and chip away now.

As the last step (usually before going to sleep each day) I mix in half a teaspoon of 45% sodium 45% potassium 10% magnesium salt to a glass of water for each purge that I did during the day. Doing this has stopped me from feeling light-headed or weak after purging, feeling like that is usually a sign of your body struggling to supply enough potassium into restoring the body's pH balance after losing stomach acid. If left unbalanced for a long time, electrolyte deficiencies can lead to heart palpitations, heart attacks and even death. If you have symptoms of nearly fainting after purging, I highly highly recommend looking into what high-potassium (potassium ≥ sodium) salts are available where you live. The brand of salt I use to replenish my electrolytes is a good one, but it's only sold here in Finland.

Again, purging is a horrible addiction that I wish I had never started, but these are some of the things that I do in the meantime to at least not die. Do you guys have more ways for combating other negative effects that purging causes?

---

I hate family events !!!!!
/u/BlackSequins [5'5| SW:175| GW:100| CW:160| -15lbs| 22F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 15:34:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91b81h/i_hate_family_events/
---
Right now I’m at a family gathering and I’ve never met this part of the family before and there’s absolutely no way I can not eat and feel rude as fuck the first time I’m ever meeting them and now I’m over my 700cal goal and hating myself so much over it fml

Ate just a little over 1000cal and I know it’s less than a lot of people I know who are normal eat but I feel like a fucking failure especially because I’ve been bloated feeling and my weight’s stalled again and I just want it to fucking go down and I feel like now my day is ruined because I was going to be good again today and stay under my goal and now it’s all fucked up

I fucking hate family events so much kill me

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel disgusting
/u/ew_avocados
Created: Mon Jul 23 15:19:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91b3gg/i_feel_disgusting/
---
I just ate over my calorie goal for today, and I wasn't even fucking hungry I was just bored. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not even going to be able to work it off today because I'm still in pain from over exercising yesterday.
Why is it so hard to live like this?
Time to start water fasting again.

---

Is it possible to build muscle while heavy restricting?
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -25lb | M21]
Created: Mon Jul 23 15:05:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91az9a/is_it_possible_to_build_muscle_while_heavy/
---
I don't just want to be skinny. I want to be toned, I want to be *lean.* I want the fat to melt off my body and reveal tendons and muscle. Not a lot, you know, but some. But I mostly restrict around 2-500, 800 max, and I keep reading you have to eat a calorie surplus to build muscle, which is just... something I'm not willing to do, lol. I know a lot of people with EDs exercise a lot but don't have a lot of muscle because of restriction, and I'm wondering if that's a given or if it's just because they're not trying to build muscle and there is a way to do it if I want to try.

---

[Rant/Rave] I don’t know how to deal with my boyfriend [rant/fed up/done with everything]
/u/l0seme [5'7" | CW 131.75 | BMI 20.63 | -13.25 | UGW 115 | 21F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:59:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91axl2/i_dont_know_how_to_deal_with_my_boyfriend_rantfed/
---
I love my boyfriend, I really truly do. He’s amazing in every way but GOD is he obsessed with my body and the way it looks.

I know I’ve gained weight recently (about 10-15lbs) and I’ve slacked off from the gym because I’ve had exams and holidays and for gods sake I was feeling pretty good about my body. It was curvy and slender and I was okay with allowing myself extra food while stressed with exams and on holidays because... well because I was okay with it! I didn’t hate myself! I thought I deserved. Nice. Food.

But then my boyfriend... I don’t know, anything I say will make it sound a million times worse than it is but in the past month we’ve probably had three separate conversations about my body and my weight and my eating and exercise habits - in that he felt I was slacking and looking worse and losing the benefits of working out 5x per week. He SAYS it comes from a place of being worried for me - he thinks I’ll notice in a few weeks that I’ve gained lots of fat and I’ll freak out and get depressed. I’ve tried to tell him regardless of whether he points it out it’ll probably happen but why can’t he just enjoy me being body positive while it lasts??

He’s just told me he finds me sexy when I’m eating salad and that he was “upset” when I had an extra slice of pizza the other day (at my friend’s wedding ffs!!!)

Idk I just feel like he doesn’t realise how unhappy I was when I was at my lowest weight or the lengths I went to to get there and he WANTS me to get back there and I just feel too apathetic to fight back anymore. I just want him to tell me what to eat and when and how much exercise to do so i can just stop caring.

---

[Rant/Rave] Depressed loss
/u/TossThisBizz
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:57:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91awze/depressed_loss/
---
Hey y’all, i just have to vent real quick because I feel like this is probably the only place that would understand

So for the past probably 2-3 months my depression has just been a slow downhill drop. I used to take meds for it but they made me gain so I just take meds for my anxiety. The depression, I feel like I have a pretty decent handle on so that’s ok. But it’s just been event after event that’s building, but it’s a crap-shoot whether I’ll gain or lose during these times

I always assume I’ll probably gain weight because I haven’t been working out. I have zero energy to do that. So I don’t eat a tonne (I try not to go over 860 - but preferably less than 800), and I have been slowly losing bit by bit. Last month we lost a kitten and that was (and still is) heartbreaking and a pretty decent source of some downhill depressed mode, and I did manage to get from I think my 133-135 plateau down to 129-131ish so I had a tiny bit of joy from that. Then I was about to get a job back at the company I used to work for (it would have been like a $3 raise from what I’m making now) so I was so excited about that and I was actually starting to think of how to better my eating habits (more protein, larger lunches, a probably healthier amount of calories) and then it was all swept out from under my feet. They gave the job to a former employee last minute and when I heard I had to hold back tears for like 2 hours because I was at work. And now it was my first day at the new location (my job closed my old location and split my coworkers and I up), and I hate it. The people are nice but I just hate it. It doesn’t feel right and I just feel so sad and frustrated. And all those plans to better my eating have disappeared like a fart in the wind

I don’t know whether I want to binge or heavily restrict. I’m hungry but I’m not. I want to eat but I want to punish myself by not eating. And when anything is suggested that goes a bit over my calorie limit I just say “I don’t even care” and eat it anyway. And then I do care afterwards. Ugh. It’s just so annoying. I just wish I could look at food in a healthier way than I do. I wish I could just eat what I need and not scare myself into starving

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[Intro] hello.
/u/death-crush
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:43:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ask9/hello/
---
*hi!*

i've been a lurker on this sub for a while and a lurker on reddit in general for even longer, but this is my first attempt at actually posting anything. like, this is literally my first reddit post ever so i'm really hoping i don't mess anything up, hahah. if i fucked something up i apologize in advance.

i've struggled with disordered eating, depression, and anxiety since i was... about 12-13? (i'm 19 now). lately, my ED & depression have been getting worse, so i've made this account as a way to... reach out, i suppose? not feel so alone? something like that. i guess i just really needed to talk to somebody about this.

i hesitate to label my ED but i struggle with binge eating & purging. my depressive episodes actually are a big cause for my binging - you know, when you're trying to fill that empty void in your soul by eating until everything hurts? yeah.

i'm trying to control these... issues. mostly by tracking my food & restricting. it's actually been working for a bit, and i've lost some weight, but sometimes i mess up and trying to stop myself from binging is really tough.

uh, not sure what else to say. i'm really short (around 156 cm) and currently around 47 kg. hoping to get to a lower weight, if i don't kill myself any time soon (hah, edgy!).

i hope this didn't get too long. thank you so much for reading, if anyone got this far :)

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[Help] Calories in a purple vs orange sweet potato?
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | ~90lbs | 17f]
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:42:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ases/calories_in_a_purple_vs_orange_sweet_potato/
---
Does anyone know? Do the purple sweet potatoes have the same amount of calories as regular orange ones? Obviously the nutritional profile is different bc of the color but I can't find anything specifically for purple yams in Cronometer so I'm just logging it as regular sweet potato. It's kinda giving me anxiety. Lol. If there are any yam experts around here, your input would be much appreciated.

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I got high for the first time last night
/u/addyele
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91argt/i_got_high_for_the_first_time_last_night/
---
I don't think I felt any actual munchies but I knew it was supposedly a thing so I used it to rationalize a binge

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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[Discussion] Questions about apple cider vinegar
/u/kayasawyer
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:36:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91aqhc/questions_about_apple_cider_vinegar/
---
So I started drinking apple cider vinegar today. It’s disgusting so I was wondering if there’s anyway to make it taste better other than using honey. Also is it even worth trying this? I have stomach issues already, gastroparesis to be exact, and do you think I’d be safe drinking this? I’m worried about asking my doctor if it’s safe for obvious reasons. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

---

Kinda relieved I didn't lose weight this week?
/u/morco99
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:15:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ajiq/kinda_relieved_i_didnt_lose_weight_this_week/
---
I've been housesitting this week and haven't had access to a scale. Today I finally got to weigh myself and I gained .08 pounds. Part of me is flipping the hell out thinking I'm gaining on 800-900 calories despite purging, or I gained because I ate 1300 calories one day, but there's some tiny rational part of me that knows that's impossible. I can barely function on 900 calories so I *know* that is not my maintenance. Plus, I haven't had a woosh in a while and I've been sick all week, so that could contribute to me holding onto weight (I assume?)

I'm only relieved because I think I look so fat still. I'm wearing shorts and staring at my thighs as I write this, and I feel like they were just as big when I was 30 pounds heavier in high school. I'm about two pounds from being underweight and I want to *look it* when I get there.

---

No Binge Week Day 1 - How did it go?
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | CW: 60kg| GW: 58kg | UGW: 50kg | LW:56kg | 25F ]
Created: Mon Jul 23 14:09:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91ahlx/no_binge_week_day_1_how_did_it_go/
---
My day was good today. Ate about 1200kcal (rounding up) and almost thought FUCK IT and had a piece of chocolate cake after my therapy appointment (I don't even like chocolate cake???) but I remembered this thread and challenge :)

How was your day?

Also, question:

If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?

---

[Rant/Rave] I’m dying.
/u/ReapHappiness [5'7" | 146.5 | 13.4lbs lost | GW1: 147lbs | UGW: 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 13:47:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91aaui/im_dying/
---
I’m not underweight yet but I feel it. I’m eating nothing with nutrients, I’ve drank nothing but Diet Coke for weeks, and I haven’t left my house in about 2 weeks. I’ve stopped showering unless I’m working out, and I’ve stopped turning my lights on. I’m certain I’m only eating 700cals a day. I haven’t talked to anyone outside my house, and I’m pretty sure that I’m close to death. I want to beautiful, I don’t even know if I want him but I want to be beautiful for him. But this isn’t beautiful. This is disgusting. She’s beautiful, I’m grotesque. I don’t know how much amphetamine I’ve been taking these past days, not enough to OD, but enough to numb my emotions. This isn’t beauty. This is a sickness, and I’m not getting better.

---

[Help] Just bring around this person triggers me
/u/ripme-
Created: Mon Jul 23 13:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91a22f/just_bring_around_this_person_triggers_me/
---
My boyfriend has a friend and just being around her triggers me. She is so incredibly small and perfect. She also has a food Instagram where she posts these crazy, large, mostly unhealthy meals she eats. She’s just effortlessly beautiful and being around her makes me so anxious. When I find out we are hanging out with her, I won’t eat for the rest of the day. Anyone have any advice on how to be around her without killing myself????

---

Food looks amazing until I see the amount of calories in it... then it just looks like a blob of fat lol
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Mon Jul 23 13:12:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919zpg/food_looks_amazing_until_i_see_the_amount_of/
---

---

"Just another ten pounds." That's how it always goes, you know?
/u/Flesh-And-Bone
Created: Mon Jul 23 13:12:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919zh6/just_another_ten_pounds_thats_how_it_always_goes/
---
That's how I've felt for a long, long time. When I was 155 lbs., I thought, "I just want to lose about ten more pounds." When I hit 145 lbs., I still had a belly. "Just another ten pounds," I thought. Surely that would take care of that troublesome spot. Ten pounds came and went, and so did my arms and ass and legs. The belly stayed. I'm a healthy BMI, but it isn't enough.

It's never enough. So. Ten more pounds it is.

What do you say to that, body? I can starve another ten pounds off you. I can flay you, one millimeter of subcutaneous fat at a time. I can peel away the layers of unwanted flesh. I can withhold from you sufficient nutrition until we're gaunt and hollow and you're begging for forgiveness. "Just one bite."

You might have your victories. You might seduce me with a binge. But I'm going to win. Ten more pounds from here.

---

About to buy my third scale in 2 months because ED tingz
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 13:04:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919x4q/about_to_buy_my_third_scale_in_2_months_because/
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What is wrong with me - lol - I’m so broke...but so tired of all the scales in my life saying something different. The one I bought for my house in January said 95 this morning. My moms said 93.2, and my favourite scale - the one I bought for my boyfriends house - said 92.9. How can they be so different??? Even if I move them slightly they give me different numbers. It’s infuriating. How can you ever trust any of it? So I’m going to go buy yet another stupid scale and hope because it’s new it’ll still be accurate. Such a fun life

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Please help me realize that one meal with my grandma won't ruin my progress
/u/morco99
Created: Mon Jul 23 12:59:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919vjh/please_help_me_realize_that_one_meal_with_my/
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My grandma wants to go to breakfast with me on Saturday, and part of me wants to go, but the other part is trying so hard to come up with an excuse not to.

It's a Danish breakfast, so everyone gets six aebelskivers (round pancakes) sprinkled with powder sugar, a cup of applesauce, and sausage. I'm a vegetarian so I'd eat the applesauce and three or four (plain) pancakes because she is watchful of how much I eat. But I haven't had pancakes in SO LONG that my brain thinks they are 400 calories each.

Could anyone please give me a realistic calorie estimate?

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[Help] Trapped Safe Food
/u/sad_diner
Created: Mon Jul 23 12:34:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919nl7/trapped_safe_food/
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My sauerkraut is trapped in its jar. I've tried all the tricks and that jar is stuck tight. Looks like lunch isn't happening today. Don't know whether to cry or be thankful. I just came off a very successful four day air popped popcorn mono and I'm a bit delicately humoured after my trip to no flavour town.

I just wanted 150g of sauerkraut with 13 sweet potato crackers. Is that so much to ask? Apparently. ED won't let me put unplanned calories in me and without the kraut, I can't have the crackers... okay. Now I'm laughing. Fml If it weren't so hilarious/sad it would be sad/hilarious; depending on how you look at it.

DAE feel a little too self aware about their ED sometimes?

---

[Discussion] Recipes for shiritaki noodles?
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: 136 | GW: 111 | -28 lbs]
Created: Mon Jul 23 12:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919n1s/recipes_for_shiritaki_noodles/
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I bought a pack of shirataki fettuccini and I’m excited because my ass has been wanting to guiltlessly eat pasta for a while. I was thinking of sacrificing like 100 calories worth of Alfredo sauce to put in it, some bell peppers, broccoli, and spinach? Maybe some vegan sausage? Put a little extra spice in it maybe.

I’m not as fond of using it for soy sauce stir fry, but if you got a recipe you R E A L L Y love, I’m still down to hear it! :^)

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Hey girlies. If you haven’t tried the red rockstar zero, you REALLY should.
/u/CharChar12 [5' 9.5 |152.4 lbs|22.10 Male]
Created: Mon Jul 23 12:19:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919irp/hey_girlies_if_you_havent_tried_the_red_rockstar/
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https://i.redd.it/0k1s9ie6pqb11.jpg

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FML
/u/PrincessOssa
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/919ada/fml/
---
I spent hours cooking for my lunches this week and measuring and weighing and calculating and I forgot to measure one ingredient: olive oil. And now I don't know what to do. I want to throw all these lunches away. I was so excited I made a 200c lunch 😭 I guess I just won't have dinner this week just in case.

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Thanks, kid.
/u/DistortionPuddle
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:53:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9199sk/thanks_kid/
---
I wanted to have a quick snack before heading out the door to go see a movie with kiddo. One tiny bite turned into three, rapidly headed toward a full-on early lunch sized snack. My child said “quick, we have to go before you eat the whole apartment!”
...ouch.
Made me feel like garbage, but also snapped me out of what was becoming a binge. Now out of the house, still under 600 for the day so far. So both sarcastically and seriously: thanks, kid.

---

[Help] Help. EXploding stomach.
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: 106 | GW: idk | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:51:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9198x2/help_exploding_stomach/
---
Okay. Worst binge ever. So much food. So much. Like it’s scary how much I ate. My stomach hurts in a way it’s never hurt before. I’m hot. And naseaus. And scared. This is embarrassing. Has anyone felt like this? What helps??? Pls

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[Rant/Rave] A moment of appreciation for sugar-free Jello plus sugar-free whipped cream—and a moment of silence for my sheer idiocy
/u/imokayjustfine [5'7 | CW: 179 | GW: 115 | -158 lbs]
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:39:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9195rb/a_moment_of_appreciation_for_sugarfree_jello_plus/
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GUYS. Guess what dumbass 30 year old single parent started getting to know an even dumber 26 year old man child and got my heart fucking crushed today??! THIS DUMBASS right here. We’re both going back to school and taking a class together. Y’all. How fucking stupid am I??!

I really thought this dude liked me and shit, like I thought we at least genuinely had a Connection as friends. Turns out that, no, now that I’ve scared him away as a Potential Love Interest or whatever, he doesn’t want to be my friend and literally does not give a single fuck about me at all, ha ha ha ha. :) That’s what I get for opening up and attempting to even be social with a new person *at all* for the first time in literal years!!! Yay!!! :)

Makes sense though. He is painfully beautiful, a real Disordered In Denial gym rat kinda type who has the big, cut superhero biceps that dreams are made of. I’m sure he was very embarrassed of me still being overweight (on top of him being younger and not having kids).

That’s the thing though. He was embarrassed of me in general.

I mean, he knew I was Not Eating a lot and was pretty supportive of it really. He bought me black coffees after class a couple times, even though he doesn’t drink coffee himself. God, was he wonderfully triggering.

Anyway, we were still getting to know each other...I thought... He really made me feel like he fucking cared about me as a human being, ya know, regardless of where things ended up going or not going romantically/sexually (we had just been cuddling and kissing and talking about it and stuff like that), but like, welp, apparently not! Because of course not!!!

Turns out he was just a douchey twenty something year old dude, doing what douchey twenty something year old dudes do. I hardcore need to re-adjust to being seen as even remotely desirable, I think.

I mean, I knew I had probably scared him away in any kind of More Than Friends way after getting too Girlfriendy too fast recently, and I was fine with that and wanted to talk to him about it, you know, about us just strictly being platonic friends maybe and how that would probably be for the best anyway and whatnot—you know, foolishly imagining that this gorgeous fucking asshole actually gave *one single shit* about the *friendship* that (I thought) we were forming.

NOPE. Not one single shit. Not one shit was given on this day.

Now that he’s no longer viewing me...however he had been viewing me, I guess......he straight up doesn’t want to talk to me at all and pretty much just treated me like discarded trash. COOL.

I am!!! Too busy for this! I am too tired for this! I am too old!!!!! And I feel!!!!! So fucking dumb!!!!!!!!! Just so, so horrifically dumb.

I mean, I had already wasted so much emotional energy on someone who clearly doesn’t give a fuck. When I have!!! A lot going on!!!? Legitimately!!!

Why the hell did I do that? What is wrong with me? What was I thinking?!

The whole drive home, I just kept wondering if this might immediately trigger some harder restricting or some harder binging. I wasn’t sure, but I feared the worst. I mean, I KNEW I was gonna end up coping in some type of intensified ED way.

I got home though, and there it was; the sweet, sweet shimmering 8 pack of strawberry flavored sugar-free Jello that I’d picked up at Walmart just last night, perhaps knowing on some level that I might need it today.


Fam....I needed it. I really did. And it was HERE for me.

I ate 4 of those shits with 2 servings/12g of sugar free whipped cream. Unplanned, senseless, totally wild. Over the counter like an animal. And it totaled up to 80 cals. Bless.

Thank you, God, for the magical science of artificially sweetened frankenfoods. Thank you for this important gift.

Dammit, i will NOT let this deter me from my progress. I WILL use it as motivation, and I am posting this partially to hold myself accountable!! Help me stay away from the ice cream today, friends, because it would just fuck my day up more.

I’m not sure how to update flair on mobile (can you?), but I’ve had a 4-5 lb whoosh over the past week after a couple of 24 hour fasts and my lowest day ever (under 700 locals when it’s more often under 900 or even closer to 1000 and had never been lower than 7something before!)—and dammit, I want to keep riding this wave.

I’m at 373 cals so far for today, and I will NOT let my emotions ruin this day of eating!!! I’m around 174-175 lbs now—and so help me, I *will* be in the 160s by the time this class ends (in a couple weeks).

I feel FULL. I will be FINE! I DON’T NEED to eat my feelings! ...Right?

Luckily I have more sugar-free Jello though, just in case.

Thank you, sugar-free Jello. Thank you for your service. 🙏

---

I want to take more laxatives but I don't know if I should
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -25lb | M21]
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:33:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9193v2/i_want_to_take_more_laxatives_but_i_dont_know_if/
---
TMI, obviously. Basically, I've been taking laxatives every day since Friday night (because I binged on Friday.) I was taking them maybe every other day for about a week before that? I wasn't really keeping track. But before that I hadn't been using them for a couple months. Anyway, they weren't doing much before I binged, but in like I "I am not eating enough to give them much of a job to do" kind of way. But since the binge they just... haven't worked at all? And I've been trying to work my way down from the binge instead of trying to jump straight back into heavy restricting, some I've had some to eat this weekend, and I know there is poop inside of me and it wants to come out, but it is not.

And I'm concerned because I was really trying to lighten up on the laxative use, and I was gonna cut them entirely when I hit my next goal (which was in reach before I binged.) And I don't want to keep taking laxatives if I'm just signing myself up right now for a lifetime of problems.

But I also want to move on from this binge and I can't until I poop. So I want to just take a bunch of laxatives (I've never done more than the recommended dose, I just take them more often than you're really supposed to) and flush it out and then just resolve to stop taking them. But if just taking a bunch of laxatives won't work or if doing it is gonna fuck me up for a long time, can I just wait and my body will sort it out? Idk.

Take too many laxatives now, flush out this last binge, and then stop using laxatives, or stop using laxatives right now even though I think I'm genuinely constipated because I'm potentially suffering the effects of my laxative abuse and I don't want to make it worse.

---

[Help] Psychosis and ED.
/u/skinthin [5'2| 100 | 18.3 | 35 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:30:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9192zt/psychosis_and_ed/
---
Hey everyone. I haven’t used this account in a while because I lost the password, but I was needing some insight and I didn’t want to use my other account, as this post makes me feel very vulnerable. I wasn’t sure if I should post this here or in a psychosis-based subreddit, but I feel it’s more appropriate here. I have come to realize that my disordered eating has been taking a heavy toll on my mental health. I have been diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder, among other things, and I realize that my psychosis gets worse when I am heavily fasting or restricting. I feel nothing is real, my body feels foreign, voices come and go, and I have very slight visual hallucinations such as seeing things move when they aren’t moving, (which were rare for me to begin with.) and paranoia. I get trapped in my mind, become irritable and isolated. I haven’t been going to therapy because I don’t want to be policed about my eating, because my therapist does know about my history. I think that I will begin going back to my psychosis program, the only thing making me reluctant is that I know they will start making me taking medication again for my psychosis and I really refuse because medication gives me unbearable anxiety. My psychosis is slowly ruining relationships and I want it to stop without giving up my ED. What can I do? I don’t know if anyone experiences both psychosis and an ED, but I know someone out there must and I want to know how you maintain your symptoms while also fasting/restricting. Thanks in advance.

---

[Goal] University update, and a final post before I deactivate - never be afraid to reach out to help yourself or others❤️
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:10:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918w71/university_update_and_a_final_post_before_i/
---
https://i.redd.it/mgwcvjtrcqb11.jpg

---

Hitting my absolute lowest
/u/Sirensing
Created: Mon Jul 23 11:01:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918tho/hitting_my_absolute_lowest/
---
Where do I start here? All my life I've had problems with my body and self imagine. No matter how skinny or how pretty everyone told me I am, I feel like a fat fucking sausage person. When I got the news that I could be studying abroad in Japan, I figured the life style change would help me get my mind off hating myself and for the first month it did. 2 months past and a guy from Korea started pursuing me. We went on a few dates and eventually we started dating. You would think that would be a huge self esteem boost to have a boyfriend from a country where beauty is everything, but it just made everything worse. I felt he was prettier than me, that everyone thought that he was lugging me around because I'm an easy target. Everyone told me otherwise, but I felt that no matter what I did, I would never be as good as him.

A month past and we finally broke up, and now he spends most of his time locked in his dorm room, I presume he got back with girlfriend in Korea. I have struggled with restriction diets my whole life and I am back in full force. I've stopped showering and taking care of myself and all I want to do is fast and go to the gym. I extended my stay here another semester and if I am not the girl I want to be, I don't know what I will do.

I just want to be happy, and it turns out running away from America doesn't mean I can run away from my insecurities.

---

[Goal] Giving fasting a go again.
/u/Funktionierende [25F | 5'2" | CW131.2lbs | SW185lbs | GW100lbs | BMI24]
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:56:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918rx2/giving_fasting_a_go_again/
---
I've been in a b/p pattern for months and I need to break out of it. 11 hours into a fast now, going to see how long I can go. Last time I started fasting I was able to reset my appetite so that I could differentiate between true hunger and binge urges and I desperately need to get back there because right now I have no idea what the difference is. So I'm giving it another shot. I guess I'll see if I can do it again.

---

[Rant/Rave] OTL why is losing weight not an even process
/u/bunkinpumpkin [5'7 |CW:123lbs | BMI: 18.89 | -22 | GW: 125lbs | UWG: 118lbs]
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918qj4/otl_why_is_losing_weight_not_an_even_process/
---
I'm finally back under 125lbs with aggressive yogurt mono plus pills, and my butt is flatter than it's ever been but my love handles are as round and puffy as ever.

I hate this process. Hate.

---

[Discussion] DAE record videos of themselves to inspect their own body from an outsider’s perspective?
/u/anxious_tea
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:42:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918n8s/dae_record_videos_of_themselves_to_inspect_their/
---
I cannot trust the mirror. I honestly have no idea what I actually look like until I take a video of myself. It’ll usually be like 20 seconds of me at various angles and poses, so I can have an idea of what everybody else sees when they look at me. Usually I find it disgusting but I can’t stop rewinding each second and studying all the fat and flabs and grossness on my body.

I’m only 2 kg away from my goal but I still look so ugly. Even if I get skinny I’ll never be able to fix my face.

---

Coworker said I look skinny!!
/u/thingsarestranger
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:29:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918j6y/coworker_said_i_look_skinny/
---
I took off my apron to go on break and eat lunch and my coworker said i look “so skinny.” So I blame it on stress thinking she means it negatively then she says no it’s a compliment you look good! Made me smile and ready to go to the gym after work

---

Is a compulsive eater welcome here?
/u/stinkyfern [5'5" | 29.9 | +24lbs | F(ood addict)]
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:23:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918hk7/is_a_compulsive_eater_welcome_here/
---
Just want to make sure. I definitely don't want to barge in. I've never tried to get diagnosed, but I do discuss with my therapist (who I love, but is overweight) my food issues. Mostly, food is an addiction to me, or a comfort for my sadness at best. I feel like I have no control around it.

Now I've gone and gained 20 pounds over the past half year and my boyfriend keeps trying to be supportive by telling me "every time you're about to overeat, just think about how it's hurting me", and it's making things worse.

I really like this community, but if my sort of food issues aren't really what it's about, that's fine!

xoxo, whopper girl.

---

Losing/Lost Perspective?
/u/PiccolaGrande
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:15:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918et0/losinglost_perspective/
---
Longtime lurker here! I’ve only posted a few times, but I read posts many times a day. I love that this community exists.

I had anorexia many years ago (and was hospitalized for several months for it). I gained weight but never fully recovered, mentally speaking. However, I managed to maintain an acceptable weight for a long time.

Recently, though, I started losing. At first it wasn’t on purpose (I have another major medical condition), but at a certain point my brain was like, “Keep going!” and I was all in. I see a dietitian and my family doctor regularly (I should probably find a therapist) and say all the right things during my appointments. Left to my own devices, though, I can’t turn things around.

Right now I’m eating what I consider a lot (1200–1400 calories/day); the more major problem, probably, is that I’m also exercising for like five or six hours a day (mostly walking). I’ve been trying to cut back, but I can’t seem to. Plus I’m tall, so I guess I need more calories to maintain than most people.

My BMI is around 16.9 (old) or 16.5 (new), and I’m losing a couple of pounds a week. I keep getting threats of hospitalization, but I guess that I don’t see this as being a major problem yet? I also recognize, though, that my perspective might not be the greatist. At this point I don’t even know if I WANT to lose more weight; it’s mostly that I’m so obsessive about it (I also have OCD) that I can’t stop.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do?

Sorry for the incredibly long post!

---

You guys!!!
/u/dalliantdoll [5'1 | CW 86.4 | 16.3 | 18 F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 10:09:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/918da2/you_guys/
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!!! I reached my goal weight this morning (85 lbs exactly) and I think I can genuinely say I am happy with my body with where it's at there!! I've always been afraid of the common trope of never being happy enough with lowering weights, and maybe this is just a passing victory, but for now I really really like how my body looks and feels and could see myself maintaining here! I mean the intensive fear and anguish anytime the scale scooches up half a pound or whatever will still plague me, and the addiction to seeing it go down is still present, but I think I can maybe reasonably be okay with just sticking around here???

We shall see, fingers crossed. For my sanity's fucking sake y'all.

---

Dear body
/u/riplickle
Created: Mon Jul 23 09:29:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9180nc/dear_body/
---
Why can't we get along :(

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[Help] Not sure if possible...low cal filling lunch ideas??
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Mon Jul 23 09:18:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917xg1/not_sure_if_possiblelow_cal_filling_lunch_ideas/
---
What do you guys eat to trick yo selves

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[Rant/Rave] New Favorite Craving Destroyer
/u/bruised_ribs
Created: Mon Jul 23 09:01:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917sfz/new_favorite_craving_destroyer/
---
SPARKLING ICE WATER IS AN ACTUAL GODSEND. My parents don't let me drink diet or zero soda (oh no it's gonna give me cancer) so I can only get it once in a while. I don't really like the taste of regular water, so finding something where I don't have to drink my calories is a bit difficult.

Then I discovered Sparkling Ice.

This stuff is actually the nectar of gods. I tried the lemonade flavoring and HECC it's so good. It filled me up more than an actual meal. The watermelon flavor is also amazing. I know a lot of people already know of this but if you didn't like I do, TRY IT OUT, especially if you're in a position like me and can't get diet soda. There's a ton of flavors, no calories, and it's in a tall, thin bottle that reminds me of my goal weight.

---

[Discussion] DAE have an inspirational ED song or artist?
/u/foodlion12
Created: Mon Jul 23 08:36:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917kz7/dae_have_an_inspirational_ed_song_or_artist/
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Hey everyone! I'm a long time lurker but decided to make an account because I need friends, especially ones who understand and I already love all of you for what we have in common.

My current song is "Beloved" by Say Lou Lou. It popped up on my spotify last week and I've been obsessed ever since. It speaks to me on so many levels. I think of the person she's singing to as my ED but it can also apply to my husband. The two things are closely related anyways and the song goes hand in hand.

I HIGHLY recommend you listen as it's so beautiful even without that personal relation. Sorry I don't have a link, I'm new to this but you can definitely find it on YouTube. There's also a remix that's pretty good.

---

Does anyone else's weight stall exercising while restricting?
/u/pailblusea [5'6.5"| CW 126.8 | BMI 20.5 | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 08:35:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917ktl/does_anyone_elses_weight_stall_exercising_while/
---
On mobile, can't flair.

I do up to 2 hours of HIIT cardio and burn up to 1000 calories, averaging 1200 calories eaten a day. I am meticulous down to the gram about everything that goes into my body so I am certain on how much I eat. TDEE generally between 2100-3000 calories a day depending on how long I work out. Anyway, I've done this long enough that my muscles aren't sore doing it but my heart rate stays between 145-157 when I work out. I know I am burning lots of calories.

But my weight has been stalling. Or going UP. I know water retention happens with exercise but this is ridiculous. I am not even losing inches. I feel like I am killing myself for nothing!

I remember I lost weight way better just sitting on my butt all day eating 800 calories and watching tv and sleeping.

I suspect cortisol (stress hormone that prevents fat burn) is the culprit. Physically and mentally I feel stressed. And so much hungrier than if I don't workout. I'm snapping at people because inside I am so angry and frustrated *at myself* I get bitchy and horrible to be around.

What is the point? I am just going to stop exercising. This isn't helping me at all. I want to cry at how much my body fights me. Talk about feeling powerless...

Anyone else stall with cardio?

---

[Discussion] any Not Terrible + active recovery communities?
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Mon Jul 23 08:15:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917f41/any_not_terrible_active_recovery_communities/
---
trying to actually recover a bit instead of being in fake recovery but most communities seem either dead (reddit) or shit (instagram). anyone found anywhere decent?

---

[Rant/Rave] Resurgence of depression - Rant
/u/notria17
Created: Mon Jul 23 08:03:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917ber/resurgence_of_depression_rant/
---
I don’t care enough to make a alt, I just need someone to tell it to. I’m been super depressed the past week. I have barely gotten out of bed and I have showered in five days. I’m a mess. I was trying to recover but I have slipped into a binge cycle. I’ve been eating probably twice my TDEE every day for two weeks and I hate myself so much for it. My stomach is huge and my thighs rub together and my arms are expanding. I tried to purge today but I couldn’t make myself do it. I’m in exams right now and everything just feels like too much so I just eat all the sugar. No rhyme or reason. Fuck. I feel like there is no end in sight and I don’t know how to stop.

---

[Rant/Rave] House sitting is both wonderful and anxiety ridden.
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 153.6 lbs | 30F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 08:03:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/917bef/house_sitting_is_both_wonderful_and_anxiety_ridden/
---
I'm house/cat sitting for my brother and sister in law, who are both grown adults who never cook, re: never keep food in the house. They offered to pick me up groceries but I told them I'd get my own delivered (lie), so I'm spending the next week in a house that basically just has booze and condiments. Honestly, A GIFT. But... These BARBARIANS do not have a full length mirror OR a scale anywhere in their house. How do people live like this? Im loving the lack of food/no one around to judge, but at what cost? I can't weigh myself and it's like heaven and hell are colliding here. Someone please send me rice cakes and a scale. 😢

---

[Discussion] DAE have thinspo "trends" or common repeating details?
/u/venetianrosequartz [5'6"|CW ---|HW ---|LW 130|GW 150|UGW 115|Female]
Created: Mon Jul 23 07:45:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9176pm/dae_have_thinspo_trends_or_common_repeating/
---
I noticed when going through my tumblr collection of thinspo I have a "type". Not body type (although I lean towards those with my bone structure), but type of picture details. I'm not going to link example pictures (it might lead to my tumblr) but I can describe them.

**Beach/pools/water:** Mainly beaches/the ocean. Literally 5/10 of my recent likes have pools/ocean backgrounds. This fixation might be because I've never been to the ocean, pools are not common here at all, and I associate it with leisure and luxury.

**Friends:** Photos of two or more skinny girls who seem to be friends. Idk why but the concept of a sisterhood or close friendship is really appealing?

**Restaurants/posing with food:** The idea of a skinny girl with a healthy yummy looking meal in front of her is. Mesmerizing. It occasionally is junk food but 99% of the time if its food, its a salad or fruit or healthy item.

**Breathtaking apartments with views and nice furniture:** I have approximately a billion photos of girls posing on balconies, or by their bedroom mirror, or on an expensive couch. 99% of the time it seems to be a European country? France maybe?

Piecing this together, it's clear that not only do I obsess over becoming a skinny, beautiful girl, I want a life of luxury, nice dinners out, massive downtown apartments, close friends, etc.

And I've never had that life. I've always been the chubby friendless girl, who lived in a house that should have been condemned and eating ramen every day.

**So: what trends do you observe in your thinspo (if any)? Why do you think you are drawn to that (consciously or not)?**

Thanks for reading!

---

Can a doctor tell I have an ED if I haven’t purged recently and not at a low weight?
/u/anxiety-and-theatre
Created: Mon Jul 23 07:39:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9174v4/can_a_doctor_tell_i_have_an_ed_if_i_havent_purged/
---

---

will i ever feel normal again
/u/iluvmnms [164cm | CW: 53kg | BMI: 19.7 | GW: 45kg | 18F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 07:33:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9173h8/will_i_ever_feel_normal_again/
---
i feel like i'll never recover from any eating disorder, like i've been b/p free for a little while and thought i was in a healthy mindset but now i'm restricting so much and i feel so much better doing this than b/p but it's still not good?? does anyone else feel like they're just switching back and forth not actually recovering?

---

[Rant/Rave] Big binge last night.
/u/KattyWampus666 [:karma:163cm | SW: 123kg CW: 93kg | 27F:karma:]
Created: Mon Jul 23 06:49:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/916s92/big_binge_last_night/
---
I was doing so well... The last few days I was eating like a semi normal person and I wasnt obsessing anywhere near as much, really trying to be more positive and thinking about recovery... Then last night I binged, hard, to the tune of 1800 calories in ONE sitting (yesterdays total 3300! fml). Today, the scale is showing that Im FIVE POUNDS heavier and Im freaking out. The logical part of my brain knows that it is impossible for me to be 5lbs heavier, I ate 1500 calories over my TDEE and the rest of the week I was in a deficit... All thoughts of recovery have rushed right out of my head and I feel like such a failure.

TL;DR: 1800 calorie binge, scale showing 5lbs up, FREAKING OUT... Send help.

---

[Discussion] Has anyone ever tried DietBet?
/u/onthewaydownnn [25F 5'7" HW: 188 CW: 150 GW: 118]
Created: Mon Jul 23 06:35:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/916oa7/has_anyone_ever_tried_dietbet/
---
Not an ad or promo, just a genuine question. I just signed up for a diet bet to keep me accountable to not binging from now until my birthday. (The bet runs until the day of my birthday.)

I was reading a book that said it’s far more useful to create consequences for doing something you *don’t* want to do rather than rewards for doing something you *do* want to do. This seemed like a great idea to me and made a lot of sense. Essentially, the reasoning behind it is that you’ll constantly be pouring out effort to reward rather than creating a consequence large enough that it only takes the setting up of one consequence rather than:

1. a bunch of small consequences that don’t actually deter you from that behavior, they just slap a price tag on them and if you’re willing to pay it, you don’t even feel guilty for the behavior anymore. **OR:**

2. A bunch of small rewards that don’t really feel like a reward at the time being. **OR:**

3. A large long-term reward that may or may not help you because it’s so far in the future that it doesn’t even seem real and/or you might not have the confidence that you’ll make it there anyways so it’s not that motivating.

The large consequence seemed to be the most beneficial for me. Hense the DietBet. Had to pay to enter, and if I maintain my goal of not binging, I’ll get my money back and be fine. If I don’t stick to my plan, I’ll lose a crap ton of money. BIG consequence.

Thought this logic seemed really easy for me to understand, and it really resonated with me.

Thoughts? Opinions?

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[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! July 23, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jul 23 06:12:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/916ixe/weekly_stats_update_july_23_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for July 23, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 23, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jul 23 06:12:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/916iwm/daily_food_diary_july_23_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 23, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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How tf do I stop with the sugar?!
/u/catamongthecrows
Created: Mon Jul 23 05:47:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/916d89/how_tf_do_i_stop_with_the_sugar/
---
I'm so insanely addicted to sweets it's ridiculous. Even when I was at my lowest and restricting the most, I was just eating cookies and pieces of chocolate. For whatever reason I feel like I HAVE to have something sweet after eating a meal, and sometimes I'll skip a meal entirely and just eat something sugary. The worst of it is that my teeth are jacked up. Between the sugar addiction, grinding my teeth, bad genetics, malnutrition, and former smoking, I've lost some, a lot of them are ground down or broken, and if I can fix anything before my work insurance kicks in to make it slightly less sucky, I feel like nixing the sugar could do it. Substitutes don't really help cause I'm still eating something sweet and it gets me craving something else and next thing I know I've eaten an entire bag of fun sized Kit Kats. Has anyone cut out sugar or at least severely cut back? Teach me your magic ways!

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[Discussion] High calorie/low volume or high volume/low calorie
/u/fuckingupleftnright [5'7" | 117lbs | 18.32 (old), 18.26 (new)| -33 | F | gw: 115/110]
Created: Mon Jul 23 05:32:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9169ve/high_calorielow_volume_or_high_volumelow_calorie/
---
Recently I haven't been counting calories, only restricting serving sizes. I'm eating small amounts of whatever I want and just making sure I never feel very full. It's working well for me and I'm losing/maintaining weight and donr feel deprived.

I'm just discussing because on 1200isplenty and stuff they always want huge huge salads and stuff but that type of high volume food simply isn't satiating or satisfying to me so I'm over here eating half a slice of buttered toast or a boiled egg and feeling emotionally "full " for the same calories. Logically I'm eating extremely small portions for a "normal" person but I don't really feel that hungry ever, except when I don't eat for too long (>7 hrs) and I get hypoglycemic nausea or whatever. I'll eat veggies but not much, not like must fill my ravenous stomach pit amounts.

DAE do this? Is this normal eating or still disordered?

---

[Rant/Rave] I just gooot a scale
/u/annoyingdoggy
Created: Mon Jul 23 05:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9167ak/i_just_gooot_a_scale/
---
and it’s literally the first time I’m under 50kg since I stopped growing! Granted it’s still in the high forties but I’m finally seeing progress on all the times I’ve made myself drink water or tea instead of eating actual food

---

food to take to a four day music festival?
/u/fxckyouaurora [166cm|51.5kg|F24|🍑]
Created: Mon Jul 23 05:09:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9164vv/food_to_take_to_a_four_day_music_festival/
---
it's all in the title really. we'll probably buy one or two hot meals from the food stands, but we won't be taking anything to cook with at the tent.

I was meant to be solidly under 110 at this point as well but that was never going to happen was it? :') 112 this morning, as long as it goes no higher I can deal.

---

Minimum calories? Help please!
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Mon Jul 23 03:57:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915qzg/minimum_calories_help_please/
---
So lately I've been restricting more than usual again, averaging around 300 calories the last two weeks (well, usually about 200-250ish, and 500 on sundays before weighting on mondays so that my glycogen stores will be at least a little restored and the weight is more accurate).
I'm trying to only weight myself once a week and today, it was my weigh-in - but I only lost 400g since last week :(

This makes me really upset and I want to restrict even further, but I also noticed that I'm weirdl light-headed and dizzy which makes me too scared to go out (I hate fainting in public!).
What do you think? Should I still up my calories to avoid the fainting even thought I'm not losing fast enough? What do you think should be a good 'minimum calories' (I'm not going over 500 until I hit GW1, which I'm 4kg away from)? I really want to eat a little more but I feel so guilty because I'm barely losing :(

---

[Other] Chilling story about negative calorie foods
/u/Cocoleia [5'7 | CW ? | GW 111 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 03:49:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915pl9/chilling_story_about_negative_calorie_foods/
---
*As per rule #5, we aren't allowed to link to other subreddits, but I wanted to share this story with the community here. It is from r/ nosleep, which is a sub where users post their* ***fiction stories*** *(supposed to be realistic horror). I saw this one this morning and thought about ProED, since I am sure Negative Calorie foods are basically our dream. Let me know if this is not okay to post here.*

"Please, take this seriously. I don't have much time. I need to get this out. I'm telling the truth when I say that these foods are the worst consumer items released since cigarettes. They're probably worse. I may not be the chief creator of these foods, but I played a role in their inception.

Look, I never meant for them to be bad. I had a noble goal. Well, if allowing people to binge without fear of weight gain is noble. I definitely had some selfish motivation - my desire to the aforementioned.

I've always loved junk food. That led to me getting fat as a teen. I was in denial in high school, but I always knew the truth. After graduating high school, I got my weight under control, losing over 60 pounds. Of course my love for junk food didn't decline though.

I would have a "cheat day" where I ate whatever I wanted, then offset it by dieting on other days. That worked for a while. But as I got older, it got harder to rebound from the cheat days. Harder to maintain my weight. I got desperate. I didn't want to give up junk food, but I also refused to let myself get fat again.

I'm getting off track though. It's time to delve into the warning I have. I'm sure you are aware I'm not alone in my feelings. There's a reason so many "guilt free" snacks dominate the market. And there's a reason the diet industry is so sustainable. Hell, some of you probably understand these urges. That's why I'm warning about this upcoming product.

I'm sure you're all aware of the zero calorie items available these days. Diet soda, flavored water, seltzer, coffee, tea, etc. You don't have to fear weight gain when consuming such items. Well, a negative calorie food takes it a step further. And it is exactly what it sounds like. It is a good that requires more energy to digest than it provides. A food that will induce caloric deficit through consumption.

Sounds great right? Imagine eating chocolate, candy, burgers, and more as you please. It'd be the greatest thing since sliced bread. But you know what they say: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

I'll be honest when I say I don't understand how this food was engineered. There's some fancy chemistry behind it for sure. If I were an egghead, I'd be able to tell you all about the molecular composition of sugars and proteins and whatnot. I'm sure manipulating those things was part of it.

I played no role in the actual creation. But I pitched the idea, and I helped oversee the testing.

As you may have expected, we used lab rats for the initial tests. We have them negative calorie cheese. It sure is a good thing we didn't sample this batch with humans.

Simply put, the cheese was too effective. The rats wasted away and starved. We only gave them a little bit, but it negated the rest of their diet.

Attempts to save them failed, as it seems the cheese screwed up their metabolism. This should have been our reality check. Our realization that this was not a good idea. But all of us, myself included, decided to try again.

We went back to the drawing board. We decided to stay with the same general idea, cheese and lab rats. We appeared to succeed this time, too. Our chemists must have dialed back their work. This time the rats didn't waste away and die, but the effects were still evident.

Success on rats doesn't mean everything though, and it certainly didn't mean success with all food types. This is where it gets ugly. A few months after this breakthrough, we completed a test batch of negative calorie cols and chocolate. We gave these items the brand name "Delite."

It wasn't feasible to give soda to rats, so we did something I'll never forgive myself for. We decided to have a focus group. These people would be asked to consume these under our supervision for a brief period of time, in order to determine the efficacy of the food.

We ultimately assembled five people, whose names I won't reveal. I will refer to them as A, B, C, D, and E. We gave each of them a soda and candy bar. These items were supposed to induce a caloric deficit of 500 each.

That goal succeeded, but damn it we failed elsewhere. Seems engineering the sugars in candy is harder.

The first day was uneventful, but all Hell broke loose on the second day. It all started with B. He demanded more and more of the candy and soda. More than was safe. This deficit was cumulative, after all. Eating too much would cause what happened to the first pack of rats.

We denied the request, explaining to him the safety reasons. But he wouldn't listen. He was addicted. He assaulted one of our researchers. This was a red flag, but it got worse. We didn't end the project there. We decided B was the problem, not our product.

But it wasn't just B. E was also affected, albeit differently. The candy fucked up her metabolism, and badly. She needs so much food to stay the same weight. She needed about 6,000 calories a day just to stay the same.

It's worth noting that she had a love-hate relationship with food. Consuming that much food harmed her psych. This was bad once the focus group ended. She had signed waivers and a nondisclosure agreement, so we were safe legally.

But the damage continued. She couldn't bring herself to constantly eat, and other times she couldn't keep it down. She died just like those first rats, her autopsy suggested bulimia or anorexia.

But her fate wasn't the worst. I need to get back to B. B's addiction and withdrawal continued, and he grew extremely violent. He killed A. He strangled him to death and ripped open his torso, trying to get the candy from his stomach. He was shot dead by security.

I'm not sure how corporate handled that. I don't want to know. They used some resource you and I are probably too moral to imagine to make that go away.

Nothing noteworthy happened to C and D. They were forced into silence by the previously mentioned nondisclosure agreement (maybe threats/bribery too).

Those two were lucky I guess. But it seems these products cause addiction/homicidal violence/health problems. It doesn't make you fat, but there are worse things than that. I know that now.

Corporate had dollar signs in their eyes though. The product is set to be released next month. Please, heed this warning. I am posting this on as many places online as I can.

I know corporate is going to get me. I refused to back down and am on their list. I'm signing my death warrant posting this but it needs to be done. Goodbye."

---

Sleep apnea
/u/fLuFFLet0n [163cm | 51kg | 21 BMI | -37kg overall l]
Created: Mon Jul 23 03:40:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915nvi/sleep_apnea/
---
I have been vomiting more the past few days and I woke up the last two nights thinking I would suffocate. Is sleep apnea related to bulimia (or any other ED)?

---

[Rant/Rave] I had a nightmare that the big girl at work was working out like eighteen hours a day and got thinner than me.
/u/graeciamagna
Created: Mon Jul 23 03:35:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915n1o/i_had_a_nightmare_that_the_big_girl_at_work_was/
---
I feel so dumb for actually giving a shit about what other people weigh in comparison to me, lol. Ffs.

---

[Other] When a nosleep is a dream come true
/u/Beyanka2011
Created: Mon Jul 23 02:47:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915ep6/when_a_nosleep_is_a_dream_come_true/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/913zkf/negative_calorie_foods_are_hitting_the_shelves/

---

[Help] update on my manic mental health
/u/painxiety [5'5" | Water-Weight Princess | 23 F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 02:35:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915cqq/update_on_my_manic_mental_health/
---
hey it's me, ya boy.

still awake at 4:33am.
i ate 900 calories yesterday instead of 2000-3000. so at least i have that going for me.


i'm probably going to have to kill myself if i don't sleep. it's been six days. i don't know how to turn it off. i'm not suicidal. i just can't stop.

---

[Rant/Rave] Friendship ended with b/p, now restriction is my best friend
/u/Snowbae
Created: Mon Jul 23 02:20:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/915a84/friendship_ended_with_bp_now_restriction_is_my/
---
https://i.redd.it/0th6c5c7qnb11.jpg

---

I’m gonna be skinny as fuck
/u/Lowabunny2
Created: Mon Jul 23 01:18:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914zce/im_gonna_be_skinny_as_fuck/
---
I want to be hot so people can want me and I’m going to regret ALL of them . I want to feel powerful

---

[Rant/Rave] Whale spotted at Denny's
/u/lupinustexansis [5'7" | 121 | 19 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 23 01:06:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914x6k/whale_spotted_at_dennys/
---
So this actually happened a couple of days ago but I can't stop thinking about it.

Breakfast food is my weakness and I was minding my own business at Denny's when the fuCKING GENERAL MANAGER CAME UP TO ME and was like "oh hey! I recognize you, you've been here before!" Excuse me what?? Like I feel like I haven't even gone to this Denny's that often, like this was the first time this summer so the last time I could've possibly even been there was in April. :(

AND THEN he goes "oh is that all you're eating?" and I had to explain that while my fat ass was stuffing my face with some pancakes I actually had ordered a grand slam and my other 3 items/plates were already cleared away by my waitress. So I hurried up and left (but not before polishing off the pancakes) and went back home to all these chips and snacks and binge food I had gotten the night prior and have just been filling my gut since.

I guess I'm just in total disbelief that I actually eat so much at this Denny's and hate that they apparently recognize me on sight now:(

---

[Discussion] anyone else feel like this
/u/pinkdonutdemon
Created: Mon Jul 23 00:57:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914vf0/anyone_else_feel_like_this/
---
I feel like I wanna be skinny because I’m ugly how I am currently, and losing a lot of weight is the only way to drastically change my appearance without plastic surgery lol.
I know it won’t make me pretty but at least I’ll be skinny & ugly rather than fat & ugly. To be brutally honest I see a lot of skinny girls get praise and attention just for being slim even if their face is pretty average and I’d rather be one of those than be fat.

---

[Goal] Adios!
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Mon Jul 23 00:49:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914u2k/adios/
---
Toodle-pip! I’m off to do fun science things with my life and to get better. Good luck y’all; I hope you all find what you’re searching for. Keep being wonderful❤️

---

Let's move to Finland
/u/pinkribbon007
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:56:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914k09/lets_move_to_finland/
---
https://i.redd.it/5tyh0jzm0nb11.jpg

---

DEA flash themselves in the bathroom?
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:53:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914j8y/dea_flash_themselves_in_the_bathroom/
---
I wear chunky jumpers to hide my ~~disgusting shame~~ muffin top and everytime I go to the bathroom I pull up my jumper and inspect to make sure it hasn't gotten any bigger.

I know it's illogical...but I need to make sure I'm standing and sucking in in the correct way to make my ~~total lack of self control~~ muffin top look less prominent because winter can't last forever and eventually people will see me for what I really am.

---

[Rant/Rave] Rejection has sent my ed for a ride
/u/devred29 [5'8" | CW 207 | GW 130 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:45:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914hwz/rejection_has_sent_my_ed_for_a_ride/
---
So last night I got drunk with my friends and they convinced me to finally tell the guy I'd developed a thing for, that I had feelings for him. Well he shot that shit down real quick.

Now I've spent the entire day in a weird stage of trying to figure out if it's my weight that's the reason he doesn't like me. And like tbh how could it not be. I'm a fucking whale.

So I stress binged all day, being pissed off at myself for not losing the weight faster and for not actually trying harder. Now I'm dead set that I need to see my goal weight and I need to see it as quickly as possible. Looks like I'm going to be increasing my fasting duration and lowering the calories otherwise. And lets not forget the exercise that I now feel I absolutely need. The amount of cellulite I have makes me want to cut my thighs off.

I can't believe how quickly one guy managed to make fall back down the rabbit hole.

---

[Help] How to not feel the hunger pains?
/u/tarynughhh
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:44:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914hn0/how_to_not_feel_the_hunger_pains/
---
I just started restricting as a coping mechanism, I need control. I’ve been trying to eat less than 700 calories a day and I have been drinking tons of water to fill my stomach but I can’t stop feeling the hunger pains! And I’m almost always on the verge of fainting because I used to eat about 3000 calories a day and used to do crossfit and I’m pretty muscular-ish. Help!

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate how different people treat now they know I have an eating disorder
/u/cryingboi65
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:35:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914fr7/i_hate_how_different_people_treat_now_they_know_i/
---
I just need vent right now,so yesterday my own damn Reddit account outed me,and since then everyone has been really strange,my dad keeps checking on me 24/7 and my friends act really awkward around me now,not like they no longer want to be friends but they act like they feel bad,it makes me feel like my eating disorder is bringing everyone down and I feel so fucking guilty about it,my siblings are still assholes though,nothing new there,making matters worse today at dinner I was pressured into eating and midway through I had to leave the table so I wouldn't have to cry in front of everyone,hope none of you mind me whining.

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate how different people treat now they know I have an eating disorder
/u/cryingboi65
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:35:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914fqk/i_hate_how_different_people_treat_now_they_know_i/
---
I just need vent right now,so yesterday my own damn Reddit account outed me,and since then everyone has been really strange,my dad keeps checking on me 24/7 and my friends act really awkward around me now,not like they no longer want to be friends but they act like they feel bad,it makes me feel like my eating disorder is bringing everyone down and I feel so fucking guilty about it,my siblings are still assholes though,nothing new there,making matters worse today at dinner I was pressured into eating and midway through I had to leave the table so I wouldn't have to cry in front of everyone,hope none of you mind me whining.

---

[Other] Just shook
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:30:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/914eob/just_shook/
---
https://www.facebook.com/YaasinUnal/videos/2030183790577454/

---

Treatment makes me want to die
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 115 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 23:05:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9149s9/treatment_makes_me_want_to_die/
---
My life has basically been flushed down the toilet and I'm not any better, in fact I might even be worse than I was before.

I can't tell this to anyone IRL so I return to tell you friends over here.

I've been sick a real long time, ever since I was 11 and honestly I think I'm just one of those people who just never get better. No amount of talking or eating, or separating "ana" from myself will ever work. It all just sound like bullshit to me, but I have to try to go along with it or else I'm never going to get the hell out of fucking programs.

A year and a half ago it got really bad, and I had to get hospitalized, and then I had a bunch of doctors breathing down my neck and checking on me every week, but I still went back to the hospital 3 more times, and the last time I was there quite a while. So they sent me to fucking residential for 4 months. Hell in so many ways. Once you've got a sticker that says mental illness on your file it becomes impossible to have any physical issues so that was super frustrating. I'm still in PHP and they fucking extended my "sentence" through November! I was supposed to get out in August.


WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

All because I lost 5 pounds.... and it wasn't even on purpose. I've been actually doing my god damn best to eat all that fucking mealplan that makes me wanna lowkey die. I had a severe allergic reaction and sorry if I can't eat when my tongue is too big to fit in my mouth or while I was in the emergency room getting an epi pen.


This post is way too long already but I think I'm going to kill myself... like actually if I don't get out in a week or two. It's not because I want to go back and restrict or whatever, I just want my fucking life back. I haven't seen any of my friends in 6 months, and I want a voice again. Not everything is sneaky and eating disordered. Now I've definately had severe depression before I went in treatment, but being there makes me feel like I'm not even a person and every time I try to argue or speak up, they take everything.

Nothing like getting a 3 hour time out with all activities taken away and not being allowed to talk to peers, not being allowed to go outside, or where showering at night is a privilage that must be earned. Made me so depressed I fucked up my arms and that just extended my sentence even more
AAaAaAAHhhHHHHHHHh

---

a song that was made by a girl i know going through recovery. (LAST POST ABOUT MUSIC I SWEAR)
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 181 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Sun Jul 22 22:58:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91488g/a_song_that_was_made_by_a_girl_i_know_going/
---
psa: im so so sorry for spanning posts on this sub like 24/7 lol but some of u might remember i posted a few times about meeting up with the girl who was going through an ed. i mentioned it once but she's also made a lot of music about her ed and there's this one that rly resonates w me and i think it *might* for some of you too.

[if any of you are interested in checking it out, here it is!](https://open.spotify.com/user/61xxsyqmkrlbzt7v16eqc87hn/playlist/4tNGqGxvtne58XAzUa0Y44?si=h_XF6u52Sd2oZquEu3UQAw)

[and if spotify doesnt work heres the yt link lol
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuZoF6H_2iQ)

gonna try heading to sleep now but i hope yall have a lovely day/evening !! and hopefully dont mind the influx of music spam and spam in general lol. :/ :p <3

---

[Rant/Rave] Just broke a fast at 94 hrs and 10 minutes.
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Sun Jul 22 22:54:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91479m/just_broke_a_fast_at_94_hrs_and_10_minutes/
---
This is the longest I've gone, just a little over 3 and a half days. It was after 3 days of bingeing so I feel like things are in balance. Part of me wishes I'd waited it out to 100 but honestly I was getting dizzy and close to falling over despite using electrolytes and staying hydrated etc.

I'm excited about it but also I feel bad about fake-eating (though I'm proud of getting away with it, in a sick way) and really bad about throwing away a slushy I couldn't just save.

I lost 2lbs and it may have been water weight, it may have been a degree of fat, IDK. I'm satisfied with it even though a lot of me is screaming I could have gone longer and lost more and that eating has just guaranteed I will gain back 10lbs even tho, realistically, all I did was hit maintenance, probably. I didn't count a few things even tho I measured and overestimated the brownies.

That's it, too. My friend wanted to make brownies. He let me help and measure and let me use a muffin tin to measure portions better even though it took longer because of that. He knows I'm struggling right now and he's been supportive. I wanted to enjoy the brownies but I still needed to do this. I had a lot of anxiety attacks today and yesterday over food and I just needed this nice thing with a friend.

So yeah. Things are weird. I feel okay. I'm sure I'll panic about this later but for right now I don't feel guilty, I just feel full and the food was delicious and I'm hoping tomorrow I won't be as lethargic as I've been the past few days.

---

Do either of your parents have or appear to have ED symptoms?
/u/BearSaint [6' 2" | 190 | Male | LW 106 | Low BMI 14 | pro-recovery]
Created: Sun Jul 22 22:01:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913vvu/do_either_of_your_parents_have_or_appear_to_have/
---
I've never chatted with anyone about this but my father clearly had an ED when he was younger. Growing up he would constantly fat shame, constantly talk up very very thin people, and brag about how thin he was.

Then one of my brother's and myself ended up severely anorexic. Both of us recovered basically through ortho and realizing that it was better to turn that obsession to being very fit and doing iron mans. But the obsession is still there. Just bent.

And my anorexic wife? Her father was a body builder and personal trainer and constantly fat shames. He's also clearly a nut and logs everything into mfp, just as I do and my wife does. It's really just a normal thing to do here.

I've never really gotten to actually know a lot of other eating disordered people though. I guess when I was hospitalized a long time ago I met a lot of people but they didn't ever really talk about their parents ED. But my God some of the stories they have told me about their parents. Really harsh shit. That mostly lead me to believe that an ED is about control and safety, but then I think about my life, my little brothers life, and my wife's life and the common factor is one of our parents severely fat shamed and promoted thinness.

So how about you? What are your parents like? Do they fat shame? Do they promote thinness? Do you think they might have an ED as well?

---

[Rant/Rave] Body recomp, weight plateau
/u/lemondropsicle
Created: Sun Jul 22 21:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913mkj/body_recomp_weight_plateau/
---
I'm so annoyed at my weight. I want to say I care about my measurements more but I just weighed myself at the gym after a long time and saw 108. Ran 5 miles on the treadmill after this. I'm so confused and I don't know what to do, I was doing alternate day fasting for a week and then restricting the following 2 weeks, and was expecting my weight to be lower than this?

I weighed in the evening but still, I hadn't eaten anything. I'm confused because my lowest weight was around 99lbs a few years ago and when I see pictures from then....I look smaller now than at 99lbs? I'm 5'3.5" btw. I'm thinking I was more skinny fat at 99lbs because I didn't have access to a gym. I know my measurements are smaller now than at 99lbs but my mind is just fucking with me and im dying.

Also, I havent been able to do any weightlifting because I usually do it with my boyfriend and hes out of town right now and im too anxious and dumb to do it by myself. So i've just been doing a lot of running and restricting and I have a real fear of becoming 'skinny fat' again. )':

Has anyone ever gone through this? Is it really body recomp? I dont lift every single day and I havent gone on a real ' bulk' so I dont know if I could have really put on that much muscle. ):

---

[Other] The McMuffin
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 21:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913kj3/the_mcmuffin/
---
Had a bad episode. Binged. Purged. McMuffin I ate 8 hours ago came up first in bite sized bits.
What

---

[Discussion] DAE Feel like they have to do a restart?
/u/nymphlotus [64in | 157 | 26.9 | -23lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Jul 22 20:40:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913dce/dae_feel_like_they_have_to_do_a_restart/
---
After bingeing or eating normally for however long, I feel like I have to do a reset.

I spent the last week or so over eating or eating at maintenance, and immediately put back on the 4 pounds I was so happy to have lost. I never feel like I can go from over/at maintenance straight to restricting. I feel like I have to do a fast and then start restricting. I also usually visit the store and stock up on safe foods and recipes, and clean anything old out of my kitchen. I just got off a 36 hour fast and did the whole in with the new put with the old thing

Does anyone else feel like they have to do this? Or can you just slip right back into restricting?

---

Snapchat group!
/u/kskobg
Created: Sun Jul 22 20:33:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913btf/snapchat_group/
---
Hi everyone! We have a snapchat group going and it's been really great :-) You can fit 32 people in a snap group and we have 26 rn so if six more people want to join it, DM me! Maybe if i get lots of DMs and comments I can even make another additional snap group! Thank you everyone who is participating, it has been such a positive addition to my day :)

---

Goodbye Post
/u/RatchetButtons [175 | 68? | BMI cow | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 20:26:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/913a43/goodbye_post/
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Hey my proED peeps,

I am deleting my account as I want to focus on recovering, I had it in my head once I hit GW then I would focus on being normal but although right now I am what I consider to be fat, I think I just have to let go of the fantasy that being skinny will solve all my problems. I want to have fun, I don't want to lose my friends, I want to be able to hold down a relationship and a job. I want my skin to be nice, I don't wan't the embarrassment of my weight constantly yo-yoing, I want my family to be proud of me. I just want to actually experience life.

I have to face the fact that I'm at an age where my looks are going to start fading sooner rather than later and I want to be more than the shell I currently am.

Calorie counting, restricting, binge eating, purging, drugs, alcohol, feeling sick, ashamed, tired, avoidant, ruining relationships and self hatred has been my life for 10 years. Why? So I can feel beautiful by hitting that GW, for it then to not be good enough, even then I'm still not good enough. I have gone through the cycle so many times and it hasn't made me feel any better about myself, only worse. I can't bare the thought of this being my life for another 10. I don't wan't to play victim anymore to this, victim of my own doing.

I just want to wish everyone on here the best and I honestly don't know how I would have coped the past few years (I've had other accounts) without the support of this community. Having an ED is a lonely thing, its soul crushing. Without this community I would have never gotten help for this as I thought I was alone in this for many years and ashamed of myself and my thoughts.

Thank-you guys for your kindness, humour and openness. Stay safe xx

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Omg are too much wanna die
/u/LucifersLittleGirl
Created: Sun Jul 22 20:24:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9139i9/omg_are_too_much_wanna_die/
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Ugh it’s my first (shit)post here but need to put in writing how much I wanna die. Made homemade stir fry and then cookies and I ate so much of both of them I’m so full I could probably make myself vomit by just thinking of how gross I am. FUCKING STAB ME~

Also I’ve been lurking awhile and you guys seem like the sweetest community like, ever.

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[Discussion] Case report: AN + Alcoholism leads to brain damage
/u/SterileTechnique
Created: Sun Jul 22 20:19:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9138hh/case_report_an_alcoholism_leads_to_brain_damage/
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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2917440/

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[Discussion] DAE want to be thin just because weight doesn't suit your body type?
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 113| LW: 110 |HW: 134|UGW: 105|19F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 19:50:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9131c7/dae_want_to_be_thin_just_because_weight_doesnt/
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personally? i really, really like the slim thick hourglass look. thick thighs, nice butt with a big bust and a toned, tiny waist is super hot on other people, but i absolutely do not have that body type. i have zero curves, AA cup tits and really noticeable violin hips. if i let myself go my stomach pokes out farther than my breasts and it's soooo bad looking. i pretty much have to have a waifish figure to accommodate for my weird body type. of course, i also want to be thin because i have a terrible disorder and i'm terrified of food but that's not the only reason, yknow?

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] I'm feeling a little ignored
/u/sadbean17 [158 | 57.8kg | 24 | 18F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 19:30:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912wk5/rantrave_im_feeling_a_little_ignored/
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So basically, I fasted for about 3 days until my boyfriend was like "hold up, I think you need some help, you haven't eaten in three days" I had gotten pretty sick, so I decided to eat the next day, and I think by letting him see me eat he thinks I'm fine now? But I continued to fast for another 3 days after that and he hasn't noticed at all, and it's not like I want him to stop me, I just thought he'd notice more or something, or show some concern. Idk, maybe it's unfair of me to be this way, I just feel a bit sad about it idk

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Calorie tracking apps that are more neutral about weight?
/u/velocity2ds
Created: Sun Jul 22 19:27:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912vst/calorie_tracking_apps_that_are_more_neutral_about/
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I'm trying to recover so I stopped counting calories as recommended by my program but now I'm getting serious about some fitness goals so tracking even vaguely will help to ensure I'm not undereating. My weight is at the lowest end anyway and even with severe dysmorphia I can have non-hazy moments of totally knowing that. So any app recommendations that aren't like mfp or lose it? I know it's how you use the apps that makes the impact but really I'm just searching for some fresh tracking app?

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Daddy long neck?
/u/DoesntEvenMatter2me
Created: Sun Jul 22 19:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912sph/daddy_long_neck/
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Anyone heard of or seen this guy? All the comments in his vids/posts are making me feel some sort of way. I won't link, but he will come up on a search.

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What is food is your weakness?
/u/speedayyyy
Created: Sun Jul 22 19:02:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912q38/what_is_food_is_your_weakness/
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For me it’s fried chicken, pizza, Taco Bell, BREAD, Oreos, and Kraft Mac n cheese. If any of these are around me I will no doubt devour it. I’m on my period so I’m extra hungry and craving EVERYTHING right now.

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I know it's not what Chance meant...
/u/oopswellfuck
Created: Sun Jul 22 18:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912nyn/i_know_its_not_what_chance_meant/
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But "my ex ugly / I don't eat so she can't get no lunch with me" is my new motto

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[Rant/Rave] i'm failing my disorder.
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 125 | 18.08 bmi | gw: 110 | 18f]
Created: Sun Jul 22 18:48:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912mla/im_failing_my_disorder/
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the past three days i haven't been counting calories as much. like, not maticulously. i did never go over 800, but i just ate a small meal and drank the rest of the calories and i keep forgetting how much i consume, even though i know that two eggs, an apple, a glass of wine and three shots of tequila will not make me fat. i feel so guilty and i'm losing so slowly.. and i feel so fucking awful about it.

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[Rant/Rave] Friends made me eat the pasta, and then some. Also 24 hours until my (maybe???) departure
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sun Jul 22 18:32:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912irt/friends_made_me_eat_the_pasta_and_then_some_also/
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It was traumatising. Pasta and pesto, NO VEGETABLES, I feel unclean. I am so ashamed.

Not only that, but they then asked how many calories below 2000 I was - after a bit of overestimation and adding fear calories I was still 700 below (excluding 3.5 hours of hotel housekeeping, and a 3km run). These friends went to my room, got two HUGE calorie dense flapjack/fruit bars and made me eat them.

I imagine this is what being residential is like. End me.

Also, 24 hours till I maybe leave. Though I’m contemplating not because y’all get me and my fears and struggles. Okay it’s 1.30am I need bed

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[Help] Recovered from my ED, but I feel like all the urges are coming back.
/u/squaretundra
Created: Sun Jul 22 18:14:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/912eer/recovered_from_my_ed_but_i_feel_like_all_the/
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this is my first time posting on anything like this so be gentle with me. i have a long history with not eating, the ABC diet (that’s what it was called when i was in high school, i don’t know another name for it), and purging. my body used to naturally go through periods of being able to not eat for days to eating at least 3,000 calories a day. these phases would switch off every six months or so. i’m currently in the 3,000 calorie phase and the thought of food makes me physically sick. i can’t look in the mirror for too long without wanting to vomit. i live with my boyfriend of seven years, who has seen me with and without an ED. he knows all my tricks and excuses, so i can’t go back to my old ways, but holy shit i’d love nothing more than to throw up everything in my stomach right now. i’m the heaviest i’ve ever been. i wish i was 115 again.

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[Discussion] I’m scared for university
/u/eyjafjallafuckyall
Created: Sun Jul 22 17:55:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9129lo/im_scared_for_university/
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So I’m about to go off to university, and its a big change for me (going to school very far away from home), and I feel as though I have nobody to talk to or vent to about my disorder. I mean, I’ve met a great group of people at my university who I consider friends, and I really want to tell them about my disorder, even just so that they know that i have a problem/have had problems in the past, if nothing else. At the same time, though, I’m afraid that telling them will screw things up, if that makes any sense. I’ve been known as, “the weird girl,” in my hometown since I was about eight or nine years old, and I feel as though I’ve finally broken free of that label in university, and I don’t want to go back to that, but at the same time, I’d kill for a friend to vent to every now and then. Any advice? Sorry if this was incoherent!

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Restricting but still gaining?
/u/w4sch
Created: Sun Jul 22 17:50:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9128k3/restricting_but_still_gaining/
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WTF I’m sick of this. I don’t even know where to go from here. Restrict more? I barely eat and I’m still gaining weight. I’m so fat, and just want to be thin. Honestly fuck this life I’m so tired of it

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Advice?
/u/eyjafjallafuckyall
Created: Sun Jul 22 17:44:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91275x/advice/
---
So I’m about to go off to university, and its a big change for me (going to school very far away from home), and I feel as though I have nobody to talk to or vent to about my disorder. I mean, I’ve met a great group of people at my university who I consider friends, and I really want to tell them about my disorder, even just so that they know that i have a problem/have had problems in the past, if nothing else. At the same time, though, I’m afraid that telling them will screw things up, if that makes any sense. I’ve been known as, “the weird girl,” in my hometown since I was about eight or nine years old, and I feel as though I’ve finally broken free of that label in university, and I don’t want to go back to that, but at the same time, I’d kill for a friend to vent to every now and then. Any advice? Sorry if this was incoherent!

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Does purging actually get rid of calories? How long after you eat do you need to purge? (Do calories actually absorb within 30 minutes)
/u/PM-MEYOURDICKPICS
Created: Sun Jul 22 17:15:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911zpa/does_purging_actually_get_rid_of_calories_how/
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I haven't purged since I was 16 but I remember never losing weight, but as soon as I "recovered" I gained 20 pounds


I haven't ate and I really really want some pizza but I'm afraid of all the calories


I've been told it gets rid of half or that it doesn't get rid of any. So what's the truth?

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[Discussion] Anyone else who started off as a higher BMI get screwed by loose skin/plenty of fat even when at a healthy BMI?
/u/Arionai [5'7 | CW: 140 | HW: 250 | -110lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 17:09:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911y9m/anyone_else_who_started_off_as_a_higher_bmi_get/
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Hi. Due to the fact I've lost weight fairly quickly, my body has been left a bit saggy and grim. I still have a LOT of fat left on me (this isn't body dysmorphia, I legitimately have rolls of fat and it hangs off of me), even though I'm a "healthy weight", and it feels like I just need to keep going lower and lower. Lots of people have suggested eating more and going to the gym, but I struggle with the idea of eating more, and if I go to the gym it'd probably be dangerous right now with my fucked-up heart.

Basically, yes, I've lost a lot of weight, but I don't *look* like other people do who are the same stats. I have so much flab. I have loose fat. I'm assuming this is a by-product of restricting so hard and for so long (7 months without a full on binge, although by god I want to).

Did anyone else have this issue? Were you able to correct it? Does it get better as the weight drops, or even if I was a BMI of 17, am I going to still see the same?

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[Discussion] DAE think that MFP encourages disordered eating?
/u/Flesh-And-Bone
Created: Sun Jul 22 16:51:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911tnp/dae_think_that_mfp_encourages_disordered_eating/
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When my orthorexia was at its worst, I broke down nearly crying because I couldn’t accurately track the macronutrients of meals that I didn’t prepare. Even estimating calorie counts caused anxiousness.

MFP doesn’t teach healthy habits. It trains people to work around their unhealthy habits. It teaches them it’s “healthy” to eat only pizza and chips as long as they’re under their TDEE. Eat 1,500 calories of ice cream and booze? My TDEE is 1,800 so I’ll still lose weight and that’s all that matters.

A lot of people on /r/loseit have this issue. As soon as they stop rigorously tracking their calories, they pack on the pounds.

MFP is a crutch, not a cure.

MFP also enabled and encouraged my orthorexia and restriction significantly. Since I’ve stopped using MFP to stay at 1,200 calories or fewer, my orthorexia, binge eating, and restriction are much more under control. (Exercise purging, otoh...)

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[Other] Ok so I really need this gadget in my life
/u/Hielier [175,5cm | GW1: 59kg | GW2: 54kg | UGW: 49kg]
Created: Sun Jul 22 16:20:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911lje/ok_so_i_really_need_this_gadget_in_my_life/
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Omg, I think that just by looking on how the calories go up as I add food my intake would definitely drop. Shame it's so expensive :(

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[Rant/Rave] I can’t accept my size so I keep buying stuff that’s too big..then I’m mad bc it’s baggy and it makes me look fat :/
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 16:19:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911lcv/i_cant_accept_my_size_so_i_keep_buying_stuff/
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https://i.redd.it/qeal4vg3rkb11.jpg

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Low cal sweets in germany
/u/DesperateViolet [169 cm | SW 111kg | CW 75kg| GW 55kg | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 16:14:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911jtm/low_cal_sweets_in_germany/
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You american guys have so much low cal sweets, bonbons, gums and whatever, like the other post about caffeine gums tight now. I am, indeed, fucking jealous.


Please. Can anyone tell me we're to find low cal sweets in germany? Or something to order from Amazon which doesn't costs me half a soul to ship?


Is there a masterpost?

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[Help] Remind me why I shouldn’t start purging
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7"| CW 171.8 | 26.9|-23.2| F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 16:05:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911hj9/remind_me_why_i_shouldnt_start_purging/
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I have been thinking about purging for a while now. I’ve been primarily restricting, some exercise purging.

I just finished dinner and ate more than I intended. I feel horrible and sweaty and want to get rid of it. But I know me, and I know if I start, it will become a thing for me. Can someone remind me of all the reasons it’s a terrible idea?

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[Other] Have you ever looked at your measurements, off your body?
/u/lemondropsicle
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:58:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911fid/have_you_ever_looked_at_your_measurements_off/
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I just took some measurements because I was looking in the mirror wondering why my arms looks so freaking fat at the top. I measured the biggest part of my upper arm and it measured 9”.

I decided to look at 9” just using the measuring tape held in a circle, if you know what I mean? And it just looked so much smaller than my 9” arm? So I did it with the rest of my body and everything looks so small when the measuring tape is off my body, but my body doesn’t even look small in the mirror!!

Has anyone done this? It’s quite weird.

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[Rant/Rave] Hit the absolute ultimate weight loss goal - got a boyfriend
/u/Thecaretakerjohanna
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:52:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911dxm/hit_the_absolute_ultimate_weight_loss_goal_got_a/
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And my ED has never been worse!!
I binged because no one loved me, I started restricting because I realised no one would ever start loving me looking like that. As pathetic as this is going to sound, I just want love. I want to be loved. This was the whole point of this torture. To get someone to love me.


I whinged about guys only wanting to sleep with me and not actually date me. Well the last one turned out to want me. I told him I can’t just sleep with him. He held my hand as he told me that of course he gets I can’t get involved without the feelings. And he asked me to be his girlfriend.


He told me I’m beautiful inside and out.
And attractive.
Cleared out a shelf for me in his bathroom.
Got me a draw for my clothes.
Introduced me to his friends.
Told his parents about me!!


I’m in love. And so scared. And it triggers me so much that I went back to binging. I binge every time before seeing him. And then afterwards.

I feel like I just can’t accept it. That he actually wants me for me. It’s like I’m waiting for him to change his mind. And I comfort myself with binging. Last time I said that I was going to see you all in 30lbs. Now its 40 maybe??


I have to focus. Go back to restricting. Keep myself sane. Stop eating till I feel sick. Overflowing bowls of cereals. Pizza. Fuck that.


It was always about finding love. Now I found it and realised that it was actually always just about the number. I have to get skinnier to prove myself that I can do it. To be absolutely sure that I never go back to being obese. To finally be happy.
He is all I ever wanted and I think that I’ve never actually felt worse in my life. He made so happy and so crazy at the same time.


And the sad thing is that he is the one. I’m so sure of it. And I can’t enjoy it because of all the binge eating.

Eating everything or nothing.


35lbs

I can do it and I will. I have to.


I think hitting that number is the only way to ever become happy. Then I’ll have everything. It has to be.

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[Discussion] What do you think of chewing and spitting?
/u/spaghetti-tacos
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:42:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911bh9/what_do_you_think_of_chewing_and_spitting/
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Do you think it’s a good method to not have calories? Have you done it? I’m just curious as to what you all think.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else have issues with hands?
/u/signpostsally
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/911a3o/does_anyone_else_have_issues_with_hands/
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I know a lot of people have body issues with their stomach and thighs or upper arms a lot, I get that too, but the worst for me is my hands, they looks so short and fat and I feel like I can barley see my knuckles. They look like children’s hands and I can’t stand it. I’ve compared them to rat hands when talking to people before and they never understand what I mean because apparently they look relatively normal to everyone else but they look, so chubby to me? Anyone else have this? Or issues with other less discussed body parts?

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I won’t eat something a morbidly obese person eats...
/u/sonospaventato
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:35:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9119gv/i_wont_eat_something_a_morbidly_obese_person_eats/
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I’ve lost way too much weight the last three months, and this month I was brought to the ER for not eating enough. The other day my best friend was showing me recipes on YouTube to see what I would feel comfortable eating. It gave me such bad anxiety watching obese people cook. The person on YouTube was such a nice person and so sweet it makes me feel like the shittiest person alive. When did this eating disorder turn me into an asshole :(

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[Other] No binge week!
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | CW: 64kg| GW: 58kg | UGW: 50kg | LW:56kg | 25F ]
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:24:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9116pv/no_binge_week/
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Let's do this, stick to your calorie deficit all week :) All month is too long for me, so I'm gonna go week by week :)

Throw your hat in the ring! NO BINGE WEEK! <3

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[Rant/Rave] I am my own worst enemy
/u/2worried2care [5'6" | CW 125 lb | BMI 20.2 | 26F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:13:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9113q7/i_am_my_own_worst_enemy/
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I went grocery shopping with my friend and I was talking about how I want to eat more protein because I feel like I never eat enough. Last week, I finally ran out of Peanut Butter, which I was secretly relieved about because I can never just eat one spoonful of it. So why today did I buy a whole new big jar of PB?? And Soy milk, which has 100 cals per cup, so I’m definitely just going to end up throwing it out.

When I’m grocery shopping I always have these great ideas that I’m going to be so fit and healthy and then I look at what I bought and realize I don’t deserve to eat any of that.

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My friends always tell me to eat more but never finish their own food.
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 113.7 | GW 101 | WL 4 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 15:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9112nw/my_friends_always_tell_me_to_eat_more_but_never/
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Does anyone else experience this? It always happens, at least with the so-called friends I have. I like to order the amount I'm going to eat, which is generally small, or a side. That way I save money and I'm not tempted to pick at more than I want.
Today I went to brunch, and I ordered the side of potatoes. And of course I get the, 'That's all?' I'm like, yeah, I'm not that hungry.
They all order the big farm breakfast.
I go to the bathroom and I get back, and there's like a bowl of guacamole and chips at my plate with my potatoes.
I'm like what...
They're like, we know you're vegan, and since potatoes were the only thing on the menu we found out they also have guacamole, and got you some.
I'm like okay, thanks...??
Like, what the hell. Now not only do I have to pay extra for this, but avoid it.
And here's the kicker... I finished my potatoes and the rest of them barely touched their meals. Like they're 'concerned' about me, but just because you order more doesn't make YOU healthy.
Like, this is why people have to hide their eating habits, because of shady bitches. I don't get why people do this. I don't care they didn't finish, it's not my business. But apparently my consumption is theirs.

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[Tip] Because electrolytes are life - $20 because no calories >
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 14:57:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910zbr/because_electrolytes_are_life_20_because_no/
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https://i.redd.it/k7wmaidcckb11.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Boobs, self image, and EDs
/u/prettypuzzlepieces [5'4" | 179 | 30.8 | -29 lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Jul 22 14:30:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910rxm/boobs_self_image_and_eds/
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Do anyone else's boobs trigger BDD like crazy? Lately I've only been able to stand the way I look if I wear a really tight sports bra or minimizing bra. I am comfortable as a cis woman, but my breasts just make me feel so fat and ugly.

I've always been... er... chesty, since I was really young, and it's often been a source of major self consciousness for me. Clothes that look pretty and classy on smaller chested ladies make me look like a hooker. I was teased relentlessly in middle school, and even though that was half a lifetime ago now, I don't think that shame has ever really gone away. Plus i'm short waisted and apple shaped anyway, so I feel like my boobs make me look round af. I would love to get a reduction, but my husband would be heartbroken, hah. I feel like if I lose enough weight then maybe they'll go away on their own.

Does anyone else have BDD exacerbated by their breasts in whatever way? Or does anyone else just wanna bitch about their boobs? I'm really down on myself today and need a little solidarity, hah.

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[Other] Things I've Noticed - LW
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sun Jul 22 14:27:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910r3p/things_ive_noticed_lw/
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I've reached 90lbs as of today. (24 year old, 5'2 female) I reached this LW once before and then gained again after bingeing. However, I took the time last night to actually thoroughly body-check. Here are some things I've noticed, maybe some of you can relate/understand. I have positive and negative feelings towards certain aspects of what I see.

Positives: my thigh gap is my favorite part about myself right now, although it could be bigger... my collar bones stick out more (but I have a small bone structure so they never stuck out at all when I was at a BMI of 20. Shoulder bones are becoming more prominent, and so is my spine (if I bend over I can see my ribs through my back through a shirt which I LOVE) And my upper arms are WAY smaller/delicate looking.

Negatives: Because I have a short torso and am shorter in general, my ribs don't really stick out in the front as much as I'd prefer. They're barely visible and my BMI is now 16.. My tummy is flatter, but still I feel it is pudgy. Also, my chest bones are barely visible as well (I'm assuming because of my small bone structure??)

I just felt like sharing this with you guys, idk I'm kinda proud of myself for once.

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[Other] made a spotify playlist with songs that i've related to my ed :)
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 181 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Sun Jul 22 14:00:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910jr4/made_a_spotify_playlist_with_songs_that_ive/
---
[here it is if anyone's interested !!](https://open.spotify.com/user/61xxsyqmkrlbzt7v16eqc87hn/playlist/4tNGqGxvtne58XAzUa0Y44?si=gLB-SxBAQhiE7gnmOiqn5w)

i was inspired by a few posts as of lately to make this. there was one user who recommended one of the songs i have on there called "smaller" by hayley gene penner and another user who asked if anyone had songs they listened to when feeling down. feel free to leave any recs below ! regardless of whether or not you listen, i've found that music has been super a super cathartic outlet i can use in place of binging/purging for whenever i feel super bad. whether or not it's music, hopefully you guys have some form of distraction that works for you.

love you all! <3

---

[Rant/Rave] a vent about my illogical disordered thoughts
/u/AgreeableReplacement [22F🍒5'8🍒~100lbs]
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:56:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910in6/a_vent_about_my_illogical_disordered_thoughts/
---
so ive been trying my best to go about things in a healthier way because ive been in a deficit every day for months. i feel and look like shit yet i still feel the need to lose more weight. however i have a day job on top of going to uni full time so i need to be able to function. i've managed to up my cals to \~1200 a day and limit exercise to 60ish minutes of walking. a more recent goal has been ordering out with my SO every sunday without compensating for the extra cals with more restriction or exercise. this brings my intake up to maintenance which, logically speaking, is a good idea for my overall health, energy and metabolism. that doesn't stop my stupid fucking ED brain from trying to convince me that a maintenance day once a week is somehow waay too often and that it'll slow my weight loss significantly.

i just want to enjoy my god damn burger without these nagging thoughts :/

---

[Help] weekly calorie tracking
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:56:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910il8/weekly_calorie_tracking/
---
i’ve discovered that daily calorie tracking makes me panicky and i remembered that someone i used to know went by the weekly instead. like they could only eat 3500 cals a week(unhealthy goal i’m aware, wont be doing that), so if they ate 700 one day they’d have 2800 left for the week, if they ate 300 the next day they have 2500 left, etc. but is there an app for that(ios)? or should i manually track it in a journal?

---

I just purged for the first time
/u/ChlorineBear
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:33:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910cgp/i_just_purged_for_the_first_time/
---
I'm a twenty-something male and I just purged for the first time. Work has been crazy lately and I haven't been able/had the energy to make it to the gym. I felt like I had eaten too much today, and gotten a bit drunk, so I drank 3L of water until my stomach was bursting... And then I purged. I feel great and I'm so happy!!

---

does anyone live in houston texas?
/u/cinnamonpatt
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:33:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910cax/does_anyone_live_in_houston_texas/
---
i’m lookig for treatment for a doctor or clinic that specializes in eating disorders.. any recommendations?

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[Help] Going on a cruise in a few months
/u/leftshoelauren [5'3"F | SW 185 | CW 161 | GW 110 | 🍑 tinyren]
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:28:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910b6k/going_on_a_cruise_in_a_few_months/
---
Okay so I'm going on a cruise in February with my mom and dad (abusive brother who calls me fat and ugly every time I see him was not invited lol) and I'm already bugging about the food

This is my first cruise, and I'm pretty nervous about it. My parents have been talking about how "all you do is eat all day! We gained 10 pounds when we came back! It's paradise!!!" and I'm literally trying to not cry at the thought.

I'm an adult, I've dealt with this ED in almost every capacity, but the idea of being *at sea* with my *obese parents* where the only activity is gorging on an insane amount of free food sounds like the final boss of my ED lol.

I don't know if it makes a difference- but we'll be on the Carnival Vista Cruise ship and I want to be excited about traveling and going to beaches and being on the boat but the food situation has me freaking out 7 months in advance.

Any advice to mitigate the anxiety on a cruise would be welcome, it's my first time doing a cruise so I don't really know how this works. Thanks!

---

[Help] I keep on creating new weight loss goals after i reach one
/u/EternalVertigo
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:24:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9109z7/i_keep_on_creating_new_weight_loss_goals_after_i/
---
How do I stop? Someone give me a good reason to stop.

---

[Help] Recommended multivitamins/supplements?
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:18:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/91084i/recommended_multivitaminssupplements/
---
Hello! I’m wondering what kind of multivitamins you would suggest for someone’s who vegetarian and restricting? Im honestly so clueless about what I need to take in general so I would love to hear what y’all suggest. Thank you so much!

---

I was on such a good track of not eating yesterday and I had to fucking eat.
/u/PM-MEYOURDICKPICS
Created: Sun Jul 22 13:04:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/910492/i_was_on_such_a_good_track_of_not_eating/
---
I had a veggie burger and corn which totaled to 500 calories,
400 fucking calories. I was on such a good track, I wasn't eating and then after I worked out I got Gatorade and that spiraled into me eating a fucking veggie burger.


My roommate went on a trip and every time she comes back she brings home food or takes me out to eat and I know I have 0 will power so I'll eat it or pick at it because I'll feel bad. If she brings me out to eat that's even worse because I'll have to order some calorie dense food because that's all they fucking have.
I wish purging got rid of all the food but it doesn't.


I'm so fucking hungry but I can't eat. God I would kill for some chicken and hot sauce now, but that will be a bitch to purge up.

---

Has anyone else given up hope on having a positive relationship with food?
/u/Pinkatoki
Created: Sun Jul 22 12:55:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9101ok/has_anyone_else_given_up_hope_on_having_a/
---
I cannot see myself eating normally and not obsessing over calories or my weight. At this point my self esteem is negative because I don't know how to be normal.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like a bad person
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Sun Jul 22 12:22:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zt08/i_feel_like_a_bad_person/
---
I did a bad thing on Thursday. I purged for the first time. I felt really good afterwards, I was really happy that I succeeded, and I stopped feeling sick! Next day I woke up, still felt good. I had some broken capillaries around my eyes which I was a little nervous about, but my friend who also purges didn't notice, so that worked out well.

Then Saturday, I hung out with a couple of friends that know, and I just feel like I was dying. I feel so guilty that I don't feel guilty. I feel like such a bad person. I'm letting down my friends who care so much about me, even though I haven't told them...

I'm doing okay now, which makes me feel a little better, but I'm definitely going to do it again. And I just feel like such a shitty person for that. I'm not sure what to do about it.

I just needed to tell someone.

---

[Discussion] DAE actually hate feeling faint?
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Sun Jul 22 12:22:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zsye/dae_actually_hate_feeling_faint/
---
i cannot for the life of me understand how some people get a ‘high’ off feeling faint. ever since i almost fainted in a gym shower i have been sooo cautious about hydrating my body, eating enough etc. i’ve done several 2-4 day fasts and luckily i don’t ever really feel faint if i’m drinking enough water, but lord help me when i do feel even a slight bit of dizziness i will be shoving a quest bar down my throat within like a minute lmao

---

[Rant/Rave] Kinda thought this girl on Tinder also had an ED but now I think not
/u/kernalmustache [5'7" ♀ | CW 100lbs | BMI 15.9 | SW 130lbs]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zmeo/kinda_thought_this_girl_on_tinder_also_had_an_ed/
---
So randomly shortly after we match she brought up her weight like out of nowhere and what she said kinda made me wonder if maybe she also has an ED, but just now I mentioned something about grabbing on to my hipbones for support while carrying something heavy and she said that's too thin if I can do that so now I'm thinking that she probably doesn't have one. At least there's no way I could make things any more awkward after all the porn she's sent me

---

[Help] alternate day liquid fasting?
/u/steamedbun_27 [165cm | CW: 66.1kg / GW: 50kg | idk | -27kg | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zjd1/alternate_day_liquid_fasting/
---
Hi guys. Anyone had experience w alternate day liquid fasting? On days when I consume only liquids I plan to just drink coffee w/ coconut oil + broth and water so it’s like less than 500 cals. Anyone had experience with this before or anything I should look out for?

---

Buttons/Zippers
/u/fluoreffervescent
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zgyv/buttonszippers/
---
Hi everyone! I wanted to know if anyone else out there in the ED community ever felt a great sense of accomplishment when putting on an article of clothing without unbuttoning/unzipping/undoing it? Inversely, does anyone else get upset about having to undo clothing?

---

What’s the most creative excuse you’ve made to not eat with people?
/u/elevenbravo274
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:39:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zgw8/whats_the_most_creative_excuse_youve_made_to_not/
---
Besides regular things such as “I had a big lunch”, “I’m not feeling well”, and “I’m not hungry”, what are some other excuses you’ve made to not eat when people are being especially pushy?

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[Help] i’m on vacation and i’m trying not to think about how fat i am
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5’8”| CW: idk on purpose| BMI: obese |20F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zgd4/im_on_vacation_and_im_trying_not_to_think_about/
---
so my family booked a cruise for us and coincidentally i decided to move out of their house into my new apartment basically a week after we get back. needless to say, i’m stressed and ive been binging at all the food the cruise has since i got on the ship.

i’m eating at the buffet every single day and as much as i enjoy it, that little voice telling me that i am a huge fat disgusting mess, she’s there and she’s already planning a 24 hour fast when i get back home, with high restriction for the week i’m home before i move. i hate her but i know she’s right. i am fat and i am overweight and obese and huge and everyone can see it and see how gross and bulbous my body is. everyone can see and i wish i could just be small.

i want to enjoy the food and enjoy my vacation and gain a few pounds by eating junk on a boat for a week. i want to be lazy and rest and relax and enjoy my time here. but all i can think about is all the progress i’m losing by doing that. and how fat i’ve gotten since we left home. and how difficult it’s going to be when i get back. i even binged and purged for a day when i realized how gross i was being.

i guess i just feel like everyone is watching me stuff myself and i feel fat and gross and i just want to go home and move away so no one is breathing down my neck about what i’m eating or if i’m eating.

tldr: on a cruise right now, been binging because i’m trying not to care about my ed or losing weight. newsflash: that isn’t working and i feel fatter than ever.

---

[Help] Senna vs ducolax?
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zf03/senna_vs_ducolax/
---
Sorry guys, I need to talk laxatives. Let me preface by saying I use them MAYBE once a month and only if I absolutely need to because generally I only have super bad binges that frequently....but today I went and bought ducolax and stood in the aisle with it in one hand and senna in the other and had no idea what the difference was in terms of effectiveness etc. Does anyone have experience with this?

---

[Discussion] God bless rainy day restriction
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:29:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ze2p/god_bless_rainy_day_restriction/
---
I just feel like it’s so much easier to restrict on beautiful rainy days and I feel so delicate and happy. Does anyone else know what I mean?This probably makes no sense - it hasn’t rained here in so long, it’s always sunny and warm which I love but it also means I feel like I need to be doing things. Usually that involves patio drinks and beach trips and dinner with friends etc and doing things makes me hungry. Today is rainy and dark and I’m wrapped up in a blanket studying for university exam week and just crushing tea after tea and not craving anything at all except more tea and maybe a nice poop but you can’t have everything I guess ~

---

[Discussion] God bless rainy day restriction
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:28:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90zdrt/god_bless_rainy_day_restriction/
---
[deleted]

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[Other] An ironic twist
/u/DonDrapersAlcoholism [5'6'' | 105 | F | goal: <100]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:07:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90z88f/an_ironic_twist/
---
I ended up purging tonight after having a pretty good few weeks (another story) but the thing is, I'm currently travelling in a country with unsafe tap water (ie best avoid brushing your teeth with it, lest you bring the wrath of the gastrointestinal gods down upon you). Anything you'd normally do with tap water at home, if it's going anywhere near your mouth, you use bottled or boiled.
Anyway, I was bopping away, mid vom, rinsing my hands and mouth with bottled water when it hit me - I was rinsing with clean water, because I did not want to accidentally drink any tap water, because it might give me gastroenteritis, which would make me vom.
One must appreciate the small things

---

Amazon Appetite Suppressants that actually work? I can’t take EC stacks.
/u/chrysanthemym [5"4' | CW: 140lbs | GW: 115lbs | Female ]
Created: Sun Jul 22 11:02:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90z6mk/amazon_appetite_suppressants_that_actually_work_i/
---
Does anyone know of any appetite suppressants on Amazon that actually work? I can’t take EC stacks because it seriously messes with my anxiety.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why am I binging on food that doesn’t even taste good
/u/traashpanda
Created: Sun Jul 22 10:56:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90z53j/why_am_i_binging_on_food_that_doesnt_even_taste/
---
I know we’ve all been there, grab one biscuit and say ‘I’ll just have this one’ and before you know it you’ve shoved 15 in your mouth before you’ve even sat back down.

Here I am now, sat on the sofa shoving the fourth cookie in my mouth that I don’t even want, that doesn’t even taste nice and I’m sure it won’t stop with these cookies.

Earlier I posted in a different sub that I had been binge free for 5 days and I was feeling so good about it, but *whoopsie*.

I feel like the only way to stop myself bingeing is to just have none of the foods I binge on in the house. It’s so hard though because the foods I don’t want in the house are the foods my boyfriend loves and I don’t want to tell him he can’t have them just because I can’t control myself.

Speaking of self control, the other day my friend confronted me after I ate some junk food and said ‘I thought you were meant to be eating healthy’ I tried to explain to her that sometimes it honestly feels out of my control, like it’s a different person doing it. She said to me ‘I think you need to have some better self control.’

I know she didn’t mean it to hurt me but it did.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this post, I think I just needed to have a little vent and write some things down.

Stay strong, friendos.

---

Same behaviours, different age
/u/Intoxicologist77
Created: Sun Jul 22 10:38:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90z06d/same_behaviours_different_age/
---
I finally have to admit that I'm back. Back in Ed-town that is. Left clinic in 2013, recovered. Finished my A-levels, moved abroad, gained a ton of weight, got my BSc and MSc, always the top of my class, always positive - an inspiration for all. Started my PhD end of last year - imposter syndrome in full force. If I can't be the best PhD student, at least I can be the skinniest.
So instead of hanging out with my friends, I've stopped eating and am living off the calories in my diet G&T. Funny how I still know all my old excuses and tricks. Anybody else gone through several years being recovered and then relapsed?

---

[Help] Estimating calories help
/u/thingsarestranger
Created: Sun Jul 22 10:30:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yy6c/estimating_calories_help/
---
How many calories do you think are in 14 tortilla chips? They’re from a Mexican restaurant I estimated 200 to be safe but was just curious if it’s even more than that or not

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[Discussion] Anyone here use this gum? I got these for when I’m going to restrict a lot and need to exercise.
/u/hypothermi_a
Created: Sun Jul 22 10:30:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yy3c/anyone_here_use_this_gum_i_got_these_for_when_im/
---
https://i.redd.it/pxx5bw0q0jb11.jpg

---

Just a short sad rant
/u/bridesmaidandpoor
Created: Sun Jul 22 10:01:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yqk1/just_a_short_sad_rant/
---
I relocated 2 months ago and I am really struggling with binge eating (I'm talking 3000-4000 calories a day for the last 3 weeks) and I'm out of hope. My ED is absolutely out of control and I don't know what to do.

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[Help] Doctor Appointment: Fear of hospitalisation
/u/Laucy
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:57:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ypev/doctor_appointment_fear_of_hospitalisation/
---
I haven’t seen my doctor in so long but because I’m at my lowest and the negative effects are only growing, I figured I should at least call and request to get some tests done so I can be given a better idea as to how far the problem is (on a physical level).

My fear?
That they’ll notice my weight and with me requesting these tests (such as blood to check for certain levels due to my problems I’ve been having), I’ll be hospitalised/thrown inpatient.. Especially if they do conduct the tests and the results are bad enough for them to make that decision.

I need help. As in, how do you go about this problem and making these appointments to see them (and even if they don’t know about your ED) but with the fear that you’ll be hospitalised? What were your experiences? Thanks.

---

diet drinks???? 🥤
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:53:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yob4/diet_drinks/
---
what are some good diet drinks other than diet coke? i have had so much diet coke in the past year and a half; i need to step up my game.

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[Rant/Rave] Is anyone else SUPER pear shaped?
/u/mauvegraybluegreen
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:48:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yn33/is_anyone_else_super_pear_shaped/
---
I feel like all my weight is concentrated in my lower stomach and thighs!! I have NO boobs (which is pretty convenient tbh), noodle-y arms, and my BMI is pretty normal like ~18.1-18.2 I think. But my legs just. won’t. lose. I even have a small thigh gap but still look round??? Idek anymore. Pls commiserate with me, my fellow pears/if you know of any good exercises lmk 🍐 💚

---

DAE actually love cooking?
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:41:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ylbm/dae_actually_love_cooking/
---
I cook 3 meals plus a day plus snacks for my husband. Yet I only eat maybe once a day. I feel like a contradiction that I spend so much time in the kitchen cooking, planning recipes, looking up idea on pinterest etc. when I barely eat anything, and I don't even eat anything I make for my husband. But I still love cooking and food despite not having any.

---

[Rant/Rave] Wow I'm a drunkorexic
/u/climbupme [5'3" | 148 | 25.6 | 6lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:23:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ygth/wow_im_a_drunkorexic/
---
A rant from yours truly (who hasn't been here in months but hi again!!)

I've noticed recently how much I like alcohol. Not in the "I'm a teenager I like to party" but more like "The only activity I find fun is drinking and I'm willing to sacrifice health for it". Even when I'm restricting, I won't allow myself to eat more but as soon as someone offers me a glass of wine, a drink or a nice beer I just go for it. I don't even feel guilty.

There have also been multiple times where I've had a small amount of food that day and then I knowingly go out to drink because I'll get that buzz quicker. And I won't gain as much weight. But I feel like I'm just boring without alcohol. I barely know how to hang out with my friends without alcohol. And I drink alone sometimes. I don't know if I'm worried by myself, but I know my friends are haha. But apart from the buzz, I genuinely unfortunately like alcohol and it's gonna fuck up my weight/liver/nutrition/life.

Just a rant anyways. Add me on Untappd (chosara) and let's judge each other on our frequent beer drinking. And recommend me drinks. And wine. And what do you do with drunk cravings? Light calorie drinks/wine whatever? Are you also an drunkorexic?

---

[Help] I someone to be the voice of reason....
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh [Height 5’9”| HW:216| CW:150 | GW: 132 Gender: F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:15:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yet3/i_someone_to_be_the_voice_of_reason/
---
Ok I’ve managed to lose 65lbs this year by counting calories and fasting every other day.

In an attempt to reign in my disordered eating habits ~~I convinced myself~~ I tried to convince myself to eat 1200 calories everyday. This didn’t quite work out but I did eat everyday so I’ll consider it a mild success.


Here’s the problem and where I need an outside person to tell me to chilax. My weight has gone up 5lbs from my low point!!! WTF! The logical side of my brain knows it has to be water and poop because I was still at a major deficit. But the disordered side of my brain is now telling me to fast for a week or until I get to a new low weight.

I really want to get my disordered eating under control before it spirals further. Don’t get me wrong alternate day fasting is amazing but I know it’s extreme to eat 1200 calories or less every other day.


**TD;LR** My disordered brain thinks it gained 5lbs from eating 800 calories a day for a week

---

[Tip] Carrot HUNGER App Review
/u/bruised_ribs
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:08:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yczq/carrot_hunger_app_review/
---
I'm not well versed in calorie tracker apps, but I definitely like this one. You start off by entering in your information (height, weight, age, etc.). Disclaimer 1: Apparently, people under 18 cannot use this app (it won't let you proceed if you say you're under 18), even though it is rated 12+. Lying is totally fine, as long as no one catches you, but it may skew your initial calorie limit. I also had a problem entering in my activity level, but if you close the app and reopen it, the problem should be fixed.

The app gives you a daily calorie limit based on your stats and how much weight you want to lose per week. However, you can go to the Profile and change this manually. Disclaimer 2: If you set your calorie limit to under 1200, a pop up will appear warning you of "starvation mode". This was slightly triggering to me because I'm a bit touchy when it comes to the topic of "starvation mode", so if you are the same way I recommend proceeding with caution.

The app itself is very cute. It features a judgemental A.I. that tracks your calories and adds more acid-looking liquid to your avatar's tank for each calorie you consume. If you go over your calorie limit, your avatar will become morbidly obese and the liquid will turn a blood red color.

Entering calories is fairly simple, and you can also enter exercise. There is even a barcode scanner for finding the calories of an exact brand. It does not have every single food (it did not recognize the barcode of a bag of tortilla chips), but you can also enter the calories alone and not specify what food it is (the same goes for entering exercise).

If you go to Settings, you can turn on notifications to remind you to enter calories at Breakfast, Lunch, and/or Dinner, along with before you go to bed.

A cute little secret is revealed when you tap and kill your avatar ten times. Every time you tap your avatar, they will explode and you will receive a pop up from the A.I. If you do this ten times, the A.I. will reward you by gifting you an extra 100 calories to your limit (meaning you can eat 100 calories more than your limit without being punished.)

That's it for my review. I give this app a solid 8/10 and definitely recommend it.

---

[Goal] Another update: the friends going well out of their way. Y’all gotta find people like this.
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sun Jul 22 09:02:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ybli/another_update_the_friends_going_well_out_of/
---
https://i.redd.it/1ayauvt5lib11.jpg

---

Eating when alone
/u/resistersista [5'6"|CW:110 |BMI:17.8 |GW:125 |F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 08:59:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yata/eating_when_alone/
---
My husband went out of town for about 48 hours and I couldn't bring myself to eat anything other than some fruit and protein shakes. And that only because my medication won't work without it. We do the home chef thing and I was going to lie to him that I cooked one meal but really throw it out.

I couldn't lie to him. I didn't eat the meal. I didn't want to eat it, much less touch it or cook it. When he came home, we had one of the dinners that night. He prepared everything, cooked and even plated it for me. I don't eat during the day either, when he's not home (I work from home). He knows that too. I know that the rule is that food is fuel, but the application is not that easy. He doesn't understand and I don't blame him.

I am being very defensive about my eating right now. Almost like "don't tell me what to do," or "your's wrong, I'll show you!" I know these feelings are echoes but damn if they are not overwhelming. Being by myself gave me a glimpse of how hard my fight really is. I rarely feel compassion for myself, but I feel really sad about how I am treating my body. I know I deserve better.

---

[Rant/Rave] i binged yesterday and lost 1.4 pounds
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam [5'5" | 104.6lbs | GW: 100 | Female]
Created: Sun Jul 22 08:59:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yas5/i_binged_yesterday_and_lost_14_pounds/
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the magic of taking a shit, i guess

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[Rant/Rave] Sick of not being the skinny one.
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Sun Jul 22 08:57:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90yabp/sick_of_not_being_the_skinny_one/
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Title says it all.
I’m sick of my sister being so much skinnier than me. I know she takes pride in it, too. But not anymore.
Do I wish I’d gotten some fucking motivation and willpower ten pounds ago? Yeah, I do. But all that matters is right now. I’m sick of bingeing, I miss when I had some control and she was jealous of *my* body.
Mission to drop 20 lbs is ago.
See ya on the skinny side, bitches.

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Getting triggered/thispo-ed by the other sex?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Sun Jul 22 08:53:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90y9gv/getting_triggeredthispoed_by_the_other_sex/
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I have this who rides on the subway with me, and he's so beautiful and skinny and has such an aestethically pleasing style and everything - I of course am totally into him and would love him (I'm a girl), but I also want to be LIKE him. Whenever I see him I don't want to eat for days. Same with stalking some guys I know on facebook. Is it weird to want to look skinny as a person althought you're not even the same sex? lol

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like no one respects me anymore.
/u/elevenosix__ [158 cm| 44kg | 17 | 10kg | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 07:58:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xwkq/i_feel_like_no_one_respects_me_anymore/
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So on friday my ED "came out", i ended up in the hospital and everyone knows about my eating disorder now. I have been restricting, but not fasting.

I try to eat in front of people. So this morning, my father in law made some bread and i barely even sat my mother in law started saying that i needed to grab a piece.

I did, despite not being hungry. I was drinking water but the kept insisting that i have something else too. I said i was okay that i didnt really like liquids other than water with my food, which is true, but she wouldnt stop and made me a latte.

I get it, she wants my well being but when i wasnt in the room she told my SO he was wrong for not making me eat. My mother is the same way, doesn't listen when i say no.

How do i get people to respect me? Because honestly this is gonna lead me to fasting again because if i get to my breaking point thats it im done.

Please help.

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Plastic surgery consult.
/u/Avadakaboom [5'8.5" | 135lbs | 19.94 | -95 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 07:52:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xv90/plastic_surgery_consult/
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I was super obese. Like 300 lbs obese. Was a fat kid who grew up in the buffet line. About a decade ago, I had enough when I hit 300 and I went hard. Calculated my BMR, started counting calories blah blah blah. Lost 150 lbs and got diagnosed with an eating disorder. I also had two more kids on the midst of all this. When I was pregnant my ed didn't matter, it was shoved in a lock box because I wasnt me, you know, i was this child I was creating.

Well, from being a collosal fatass my whole life and three kids, i have a lot of loose skin. Like almost 20 lbs worth of loose skin. I went for a consultation with a plastic surgeon about abdominoplasty (tummy tuck), was informed that my weight with consideration of the extra skin is too low and I'm technically underweight and he would like for me to gain about 15-18 lbs by pre-op, which is the middle of September.

I. Can't. Do. That. I just mentally can't. Ive managed to meal plan and gain with lots of emotional meltdowns about 5 lbs over the last two weeks and I just cant do it anymore.
Talk some sense to me, omg please. I know that once i have surgery it will be all right and the weight gain with be negated but in my mind it won't have, if that makes any damn sense.

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Fasting Sunday Funday
/u/lectisternium
Created: Sun Jul 22 07:40:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xt1m/fasting_sunday_funday/
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Anyone else fasting today? I'm 10 hours into a 36 hour one.

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[Rant/Rave] Eating without care.
/u/biztit [5'8" | ~121 | 18.26 | female]
Created: Sun Jul 22 07:01:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xl9e/eating_without_care/
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I want to be able to eat "mindlessly" again.

As I said in my last post, it baffles me that people can just choose *anything* they want off of a menu, with no regard to calories, and eat it all. Or half of it because they're full so they stop.

I don't understand how people can go to the gym and then go home and just eat until they're full and stop, and then eat again when they're hungry.

I want to be able to grab a snack when I'm hungry. I don't want to feel obligated to put off my hunger until the next time I'm supposed to eat.

I want to be able to go and eat a big breakfast and feel too full for lunch/dinner like my family does and just snack throughout the day, but I can't because I'm too obsessive over food. Even when I was in recovery I was still hyper-focused. I don't like it. I wish I could just enjoy the food that I'm given and not think about the next time I'm eating afterwards.

It's just so exhausting, constantly thinking of what I'm having for lunch and dinner NEXT FRIDAY, when it's almost a full week in advance.

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[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jul 22 06:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xc3s/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
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Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

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Daily Food Diary! July 22, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jul 22 06:10:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90xc17/daily_food_diary_july_22_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 22, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Rant/Rave] A cute water tracking app!
/u/newEDwhodis
Created: Sun Jul 22 05:41:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90x77k/a_cute_water_tracking_app/
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http://imgur.com/gallery/a3IUNSV

I'm not sure if everyone already uses this or not, but I have a lot of issues with my water intake. I have found that this app helps me a lot. I'm on mobile so sorry for formatting errors!

Here are some neat things about Plant Nanny:

It lets you customize your intake level by activity and weight.

You can customize what size your 'cups' are based on your containers so that way you don't have to keep track of individual mL of water. (It does round up a wee bit though)

You can grow cute plants and even name them! As you water them they slowly grow and eventually you plant them in your 'garden' which gives you more seeds to buy more plants. There are a lot to choose from as well as various pots to put them in.

I named my plant Oatmeal :)

Hope this helps someone like it helps me.

---

[Intro] So my boyfriend lost 10lbs.
/u/chab098
Created: Sun Jul 22 05:40:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90x72d/so_my_boyfriend_lost_10lbs/
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Meanwhile I got on the scale this morning and saw the highest weight I’ve ever been in the morning (145.6lbs and I’m 5’7”).

I’m happy and proud of him, but I need to rant to people who understand. This makes me feel like shit. I shouldn’t be jealous, but I feel like his gross blob of a girlfriend standing next him now. I don’t want him to look at me and see my disgusting stomach sticking out or my massive thighs touching.

He and I are rock climbers, too, so we’re always at the gym around all these other super fit and flat-stomached climbing girls and I’m sure he wishes I looked like that. I thought trying to eat intuitively would help with the binges and get me to that perfect ~flat stomach~ but apparently it’s only making my weight worse.

And yesterday he asked me if I’ve been eating. CLEARLY I HAVE.

I thought I was recovering but this long time lurker is back on her bullshit. Gum for breakfast and the gym for lunch. I hope all of you lovelies are in a better place than me today.

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[Help] Ahhhh I'm losing it
/u/whataurban [6'1" | 155 | 19.52 | 0 | M2F]
Created: Sun Jul 22 05:36:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90x6ij/ahhhh_im_losing_it/
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I'm paranoid rumbling down there and my thoughts are driving me crazy.

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[Discussion] Sleeping problems
/u/dragaynite
Created: Sun Jul 22 05:35:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90x6c3/sleeping_problems/
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I can’t remember ever really having bad sleeping patterns until I started restricting and getting obsessive about my food. I’ve always been able to go to sleep right away, sometimes even after a cup of coffee. But now I lay awake at night for hours. Even if I’m dead tired from the day, I daydream about curling up in bed and sleeping until morning and waking up refreshed.

But it never happens.

I get in bed, I get nice and comfortable, and close my eyes. Then open them. And stare at the ceiling as the summer sun dips into the evening. And I keep staring until it reawakens at the crack of dawn, creeping through my windows. Taunting me. I’m tired, and even if I’m tired I can’t sleep.

Does anyone else feel this?

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[Discussion] Low calorie foods that look "normal"?
/u/DoubleBeautiful
Created: Sun Jul 22 03:07:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90wkp1/low_calorie_foods_that_look_normal/
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Hellooooo! The other day I brought home a bunch of Alpen light bars (70 cal each) and they're in flavours like double chocolate, salted caramel etc. My roommate thought nothing of it, in fact she was surprised I had such a sweet tooth, while she was chomping down on her Lara bars telling me that was for sure the healthier choice. She might be right but my people know that health is not the concern when I can get away with eating a 70 cal breakfast without raising any flags.

Sooo, do you guys have any other hacks like this?!

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Ummm Idk hello?
/u/usrnm9
Created: Sun Jul 22 02:25:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90wels/ummm_idk_hello/
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Maybe I shouldn't be posting... I'm not sure. I've been using Reddit since 2015 but I've just always been a lurker. That probably doesn't matter but whatever. Ummm. I'm watching Dawn of the Dead (the 2014 remake) with my cat (she's 16 and my best friend) and it's almost 3 AM here. This probably sounds so pathetic but I have no friends because I pushed everyone away and deleted all social media back in 2016. Hope you all are well. I love and appreciate this community so much. Here is my beautiful cat: okay I wanted to add a pic of my beautiful cat but Idk what's going on 😕 I grew up w the internet but now I don't understand the internet? Errr. Bye

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Does medication have calories?
/u/PM-MEYOURDICKPICS
Created: Sun Jul 22 00:59:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90w1du/does_medication_have_calories/
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If I take 3 medications daily, 3 times a day that have calories then why am I wasting my calories on it?
Does medication have any calories?

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Today, I ate like a normal person.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone
Created: Sun Jul 22 00:24:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vw6c/today_i_ate_like_a_normal_person/
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I ate to satiety. I ate healthy, nutrient-dense foods in moderation. I did not binge. I did not chew/spit. I wanted to very badly when I saw they had a sale on Entenmann’s at the store, but I thought about standing over the sink and spitting out chunks of chewed food, and I said, “No. I will be healthy. I will be normal.”

The things I ate today:

Eggs.
Protein shake.
Four turkey burgers with ketchup, mayo, lettuce, onion, and mustard.
Greek yogurt with frozen fruit.
Hummus.
Ants on a log.
A small batch of cookies I made (with Splenda and margarine, of course).
Some pita bread.

At the end of it, I am full. I am content. My tummy doesn’t hurt from hunger or over-fullness. At one point, I stopped myself eating the cookies. “They will be there later if you get hungry again.” And they were when I did, and I didn’t feel guilty.

I ate over my calories for today, and that scares me a little, but I know I was only this hungry because I’ve been restricting and exercise purging so much.

Today felt really good. Just to be free to eat what I wanted (within reason). Not gorging on pizza and ice cream and donuts, and not cooking up four cups of egg whites and drowning them in hot sauce. Neither extreme.

But tomorrow I bet I’m going to restrict and exercise purge. Because I ate over my calories. But maybe I won’t go quite so hard at the gym, and maybe I’ll treat myself to a bowl of yogurt and berries after.

You guys (gals) are great. Being a dude with an ED can be lonely.

---

What's the easiest way to tell if a scale is accurate without buying labeled weights?
/u/r1cecream- [5'10 | CW: 145 |BMI: 20.8 | WL: 70 | 23M]
Created: Sun Jul 22 00:15:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vum8/whats_the_easiest_way_to_tell_if_a_scale_is/
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Title. You guys got any ideas?

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[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else just have an unattractive body type?
/u/babybreathheart
Created: Sat Jul 21 23:58:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vrtf/does_anyone_else_just_have_an_unattractive_body/
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I often feel really discouraged because I know that no matter how much I lose, my body shape will always be weird so I'll never really appear thin. I have very large hips and hip dips which gives me the appearance of always having a muffin top, and I can just forget about wearing body-con dresses. Example here https://imgur.com/a/8l9T1n5. I'll never have that ideal body :(

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[Goal] Small Victories
/u/worrxrrx
Created: Sat Jul 21 23:43:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vp9y/small_victories/
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Not the biggest deal ever, but I was proud of myself and didn't know where else to share it so here I am.

As of today, I've gone two full days without chewing and spitting anything!I know it doesn't sound like a lot but the last two days were pretty hard. Ignoring the fact I haven't really eaten much else the last two days, I'm still proud that I didn't chew and spit. That pattern was taking over my life.... and once you start the process, it's so hard to stop. It triggers something in your head and you just have to keep going to fill some void inside you but not actually because you can't swallow.

Anyway yeah, I was just kinda happy with that so I wanted to share. It really has its withdrawal symptoms mainly anxiety but I guess that's what happens when you try to break a habit of a few months!

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[Rant/Rave] have had to eat a ton the last few days to increase fibre. super upset
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 119.9lbs | 19.1 BMI | -23lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 23:24:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vlzd/have_had_to_eat_a_ton_the_last_few_days_to/
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I was losing weight really consistently up until I increased one of my medication dosages, and started experiencing constipation. This is a side effect of the medication so I suspect it is the culprit. I think I’m going to go down a dosage or back to the one before and see if it goes away.

At this point I can’t tell how much waste is in me and water retention and how much I’ve actually gained. If the weight I’m at now is accurate, I’ve gained about 3lbs.

I’m very upset and super paranoid and stressed. I took a laxative (exlax, normal, one pill) and had fibre, and I’m going to drink 3 500mL water bottles through the night while I read.

This needs to stop because it’s literally making me more depressed and paranoid than before. I can’t cope with it. I feel paranoid that I might die or need surgery or have cancer and it’s all causing a blockage, or that I’ll have an extremely painful episode or have to go to the hospital, or gain a lot of weight and this keeps going on.

I’m so stressed and I could use some kind words.

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[Goal] Im 2 lbs away from a 50 lb loss, i started like 3 months ago and am kinda proud idk. Love you guys for the support 💜
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jul 21 23:21:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vljf/im_2_lbs_away_from_a_50_lb_loss_i_started_like_3/
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https://i.redd.it/ozyfe8bfpfb11.jpg

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[Other] Here's to a first attempt at goodbye.
/u/glossboy [5'2 | CW:😷 | GW:94 |-29 | 🍑: glossboy]
Created: Sat Jul 21 23:12:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vjxo/heres_to_a_first_attempt_at_goodbye/
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I don't know how to really start this, but this is the point where I attempt recovery.

I'm afraid of leaving something I've grown so comfortable with but I'm done with this 'I don't deserve to be happy' bullshit.

All this time I thought I was damaging myself for a greater happiness in the future, but I can already see that I'm digging towards nothing.

Tell me how I convinced myself that damaging my body to a point that I physically and emotionally want to kill myself was a good idea.

I keep hearing in the back of my head: "You'll regret this, what about all the hard work and all the easy weight that comes off when you just follow the schedule?"

I'm sick of raining hair, having freakouts at my parents when an ec stack elevates my anxiety, and having panic binge sessions that only make me want to die off when I've had too little to eat. That's it.

I remember this once being a healthy weight-loss project, how did I end up here.

Knowing me it's hard to think I'll actually be able to fully quit these routines I've grown attached to but please.. I just want to eat. Even if I have to learn how to lose weight in a healthy and steady manner.... please I want to escape.

I'm going to be a senior in college. This is my most important year and I fucked up my entire junior year and barely escaped saving it by a thread. I want to be a happy college student, or at least work towards helping myself. I want to work towards real happiness.

I'm gonna go to the psychiatrist and get that diagnosis for my depression I so desperately need and not put it off because I'm afraid they'll take my ed away from me.

It won't be a clean recovery, but this is my start, and just another passerby goodbye post.

Thank you for all the comfort I've found here when no one else around me would ever dare to listen.

---

[Discussion] What's the biggest woosh you've gotten? (And have you gotten a big one at a low weight before?)
/u/ExactPaper
Created: Sat Jul 21 22:55:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vgsw/whats_the_biggest_woosh_youve_gotten_and_have_you/
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I've been stalled for about 3 weeks just over 100lbs (at 5'3). I really want a woosh and to get under 100, but it's just not happening. I've reduced my exercise and I'm drinking water. I've waited through my period and I just want to see the scale move.

Every time I hear about a woosh, it's someone considerably heavier than me. I'm starting to lose hope that it's possible to get a drop more than .5 at my current weight...

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[Tip] How to kill my appetite? (also, pouring my heart out lol)
/u/cherrycar [Height 5'7 | BMI :( | Weight Lost getting there| Gender Female]
Created: Sat Jul 21 22:53:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vgeg/how_to_kill_my_appetite_also_pouring_my_heart_out/
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Hi all, hope you’re doing well :)

First off, I've seen other similar posts allowed so I hope this abides by the rules! I'm not really asking how to ED, I already have that lol.

I started recovery from anorexia about 3 years ago. I was able to maintain a very low (still healthy though) weight for a long time, due to the fact that I’d fucked up my hunger cues so much that I actually rarely felt hunger. However, a couple months ago I started allowing myself to eat more, and more fear foods, and I’ve now gained an absolutely disgusting amount of weight and developed a low key BED. I don’t dare to weigh myself (although maybe I should, it might be the kick in the ass I need) but I’m pretty sure I’m officially overweight, if not extremely close to it. I can’t continue like this and I just need to lose the weight.


So, remember how I mentioned that I don’t feel hunger? Well, I didn’t...until like a week ago. So now the situation is different. I try not to eat as much as I can, but suppressing it is getting difficult. During the day I can usually get by but the problem is that sometimes I’ll wake up at night starving, and I can’t sleep if I’m hungry :/


I drink a lot of water already, and only 2 cups of coffee I’m open to supplements, preferably natural, but I don’t want anything that’ll keep me awake too late at night as I already have major trouble sleeping (and I drink a lot of coffee as well haha). So maybe something caffeinated in the morning, and then something else in the evenings?


The worst part is, I think the hunger correlates with me starting Topamax for my migraines...the reason I chose it? One of the side effects is supposed to be weight loss. But for me it’s the opposite. Just my luck.

Anyway, any advice would be much appreciated. I've been a lurker for a while but this is my first actual post here. Everyone seems super supportive :) Thanks!

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Boss at work is calling my NOT fat sister fat now that I’m thinner.
/u/Ekawa [Height 5'3 | CW 115 | BMI 20.3| -50 |F/22]
Created: Sat Jul 21 22:44:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90venn/boss_at_work_is_calling_my_not_fat_sister_fat_now/
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So I work at a restaurant and my boss likes to comment on the server’s weight a lot. I’ve lost a noticeable amount lately and he and commented. I used to be the “fat sister” (my younger sister works here too) but recently I’ve become thinner than her. He keeps telling her that she’s fat, how she’s gotten fat, how she’ll get fat when he sees her eating, how she’s sweating because she’s fat and so on. She’s not even close to being overweight but I feel like my recent weight loss is what he’s comparing her weight to now.

---

[Rant/Rave] I just binged because I’m so fucking sad
/u/LLazarus732
Created: Sat Jul 21 22:26:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vbi0/i_just_binged_because_im_so_fucking_sad/
---
It’s awful because so many stop-binging tips are centered around realizing that you’re not actually hungry, you’re just using food to cope with something else. The problem is, I’m fully aware of that. I had such a great day today restriction-wise, but this past week I’ve been feeling myself sink back into that horrible deep pit of depression I’ve been fighting so well for months now.
Tonight was that desperate kind of pain, where it hurts so badly and it’s just this awful empty ache that I just have to do something to make it stop because I can’t take it and it’s crushing me. So I consciously decided to go eat an absolutely massive amount of food because I thought it might numb the pain for just a few minutes.
I’m sorry I’m just rambling I just feel so empty and lonely and alone and now I feel like a fat failure on top of it and there’s no one I can talk to about it. /r/
I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t know how to stop.

---

[Rant/Rave] I had some blood tests done.
/u/frickwienerbaby
Created: Sat Jul 21 22:21:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90vaik/i_had_some_blood_tests_done/
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I had been in a "normal phase" for quite a while and I'm definitely overweight, I know this. I was down to about 110lbs at my lowest (I'm 5'8"). The doctor made sure to tell me that that range of weight at my height is not concerning. And that if I were to return to that weight it would be fine.

She ordered some blood tests and I found out my cholesterol level is kind of high. It's sick, but I'm so glad I have an excuse to lose weight again, and the people I love can't even say anything because I'm PROVEN to be unhealthily fat.

---

[Other] Does anyone know of any appetite suppressants other than an EC stack?
/u/chrysanthemym [5"4' | CW: 140lbs | GW: 115lbs | Female ]
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:53:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90v53e/does_anyone_know_of_any_appetite_suppressants/
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I suffer from depression and anxiety and taking the EC stack just heightened my anxiety even more.

That being said, the appetite suppressant really worked but I can’t deal with feeling anxious 24/7 and it just wasn’t worth it while on the stack.

Does anyone know of any other pills that have the same affect that’s not an EC stack?

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[Rant/Rave] Vent: When you gotta but everything hurts.
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 92lbs | 14.8 | Male]
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:50:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90v4dx/vent_when_you_gotta_but_everything_hurts/
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I'm in the process of recovering (for the past 15 years; in and out of hospital, relapse after relapse, numerous "oh-shit-I-nearly-died" scenarios). Currently \~3 months out of treatment, 10 pounds lost, struggling to increase my intake from \~1100kcal to at least \~1400kcal/day (regardless of activity).
My whole digestive system is in crippling pain. Circumstances were such that I had dinner late, now I've got to have a snack before I go to bed barely 2 hours later. It seems like I've eaten a lot in the past couple hours, but I'm at less than 1100 today, \~500 this evening, so not too much, not even like a large evening meal. My perception is totally off, and while there is a slight hunger deep in my belly, it's masked by sharp stabs and gurgles. Why can't this whole process be less shitty?

Newbie to this sub here, by the way. Thanks for dealing with my lame first post.

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[Goal] I am SO EXCITED to be able to see inside my bellybutton.
/u/rizzie_ [5’2 | 126.7 | HW: 142 | F | 🍑: rizzie_]
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:46:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90v3mv/i_am_so_excited_to_be_able_to_see_inside_my/
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Soon! Soon, soon. Big progress being made!

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[Help] Experience with dietitians?
/u/o-rissa
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:43:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90v36z/experience_with_dietitians/
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I’m scheduled to go to a dietitian this upcoming week for an assessment and I literally have no idea what they do or what to expect, and my therapist really didn’t clarify when I asked her. What should I expect? Should I be asking questions? Setting parameters? I’m new at this ED treatment thing, treatment for regular ass depression and anxiety disorders aren’t nearly as hard to navigate as this is,

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[Discussion] Is it just me or do you feel like its impossible to eat normally??
/u/LemonsnRoses
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:41:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90v2od/is_it_just_me_or_do_you_feel_like_its_impossible/
---
Like all skinny people who complain about not being able to gain weight just make me suspicious. And when people work out I’m like “HA I SEE U!” Logically I know that not everybody has an eating disorder and some people on this earth HAVE to be totally fine with food...but have you ever met one?. Whenever I see Instagram accounts that are all about loving yourself I’m like...but do you?? How?? (Not because there’s anything wrong with them, but logistically speaking...what?) My family is 50 shades of fucked up (like all diet tips I’ve learned from my mom, who eats one meal and works out 2+ times a day yet still makes fat jokes about herself) and every person I’ve ever met SEEMS fine with food but eventually confessed that they have issues with it and/or body image. Maybe I’ve normalized these kinds of issues, though. Is there anybody left who eats normally, who doesn’t restrict somehow or binge? I don’t know any. I think healthy relationships with food are a conspiracy. Shane Dawson where u at

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[Rant/Rave] Plateau that makes no sense please RANT and commiserate with me
/u/LemonsnRoses
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:23:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uyz7/plateau_that_makes_no_sense_please_rant_and/
---
Literally I should be loosing weight by all calculations of math. Only over 1500 once a month at most, under 1,000 (400-900) 99% of days. 40+ hour fasts thrown in here and there. And yet... hardly a pound shed in forever. It makes me feel so fake when I see everyone else loosing while I stay stuck even though I’m doing all of the same things. I think to myself, “wow, you can’t do anything right. Total idiot. You do this for nothing. You should just stop.” And yet I can’t. I’m stuck in an eating disorder and I barely change. I’ve lost 30 pounds since the beginning of this relapse, but I’m still on the higher end of healthy because I started at borderline obese. Every five pounds that I loose takes months.
I must’ve damaged my metabolism, but everybody in the ed community who I talk to about it say that it’s not a real thing, but doctors attest that it is, and personally I believe doctors.
The only time that I can tell how much I’m loosing is when I take laxatives, but I hate doing it & know the consequences. I reach a low weight after taking lax, then go back to normal, gain a bunch in food weight, and have no idea if or what I’m loosing. I don’t even know how badly I’m plateauing because I can hardly tell what I weigh given the literal shit inside of me. It’s all just so disappointing. I weigh in at 135, and then a week later I’m back up to 144. My weight loss is so slow, and it’s peppered with random increases for no logical reason other than food weight or my body just being an asshole. I’m just so unbelievably tired of this all, but I can’t stop and I can’t even get help TO stop because I look perfectly fine. At this rate, I’ll die from a random heart attack at a healthy weight and doctors will just assume that it’s from OVEREATING and not under-eating.

So my question is, do any of you have losses this slow? How does this make sense? Is it from the use of laxatives, and do you personally count it as loosing weight if you only can tell from taking lax (I don’t smh thanks for that ed brain you’ll never be satisfied will you)?

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[Help] How can I lose weight when my Dad buys food all the time?
/u/spaghetti-tacos
Created: Sat Jul 21 21:19:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uy69/how_can_i_lose_weight_when_my_dad_buys_food_all/
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Im with my Dad a lot, and he hardly ever cooks food. All he gets for breakfast, lunch, and dinner is fast food, or when he does cook it’s way too many calories. Sometimes i’ll wake up and find that he bought Mcdonald’s for breakfast without me knowing, and my family always eats together. I don’t know what to do! Sure I can exercise, but I think he’d get suspicious if I worked out too much. If anyone has any advice please help! I’m trying to lose weight before school starts back up.

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[Discussion] How to lose weight instead of gain muscle?
/u/ew_avocados
Created: Sat Jul 21 20:35:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uoq2/how_to_lose_weight_instead_of_gain_muscle/
---
When I work out I'm constantly paranoid that I'm going to end up gaining muscle instead of losing weight, therefore doing the opposite.

Is there anyway I can ensure that I'm losing fat instead of gaining muscle?

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do you guys do this?
/u/cinnamonpatt
Created: Sat Jul 21 20:25:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90umfu/do_you_guys_do_this/
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so when i eat, i’m closely supervised, but on days i can’t purge early, for whatever reason i don’t panic, i just purge when i can, even its 4 hours after, i just don’t like feeling full and seeing my stomach big from the food. does anyone else do this?

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[Other] No offense but I cannot fathom buffets.
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Sat Jul 21 20:10:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uja9/no_offense_but_i_cannot_fathom_buffets/
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Like how can anyone eat more than ONE serving? Where is the capacity for more and more food???? I low key wish I could eat as much tho

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[Discussion] a peek into my ED life (or: things my backpack contains)
/u/rixxy249
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:59:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ugut/a_peek_into_my_ed_life_or_things_my_backpack/
---
https://v.redd.it/ldoqu9o5peb11

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[Rant/Rave] eating disorder pyramid?
/u/purplecat78
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:53:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ufp8/eating_disorder_pyramid/
---
um idk if I'm just like making this up but I've been like observing and being in the ed community for a while now and I've noticed a "pyramid" forming. what I mean is like people tend to be more familiar and appropriate and normalize and romantize certain disorders and just completely ignore the others. so i guess the pyramid is in this order: anorexia, bulimarexia, bulimia, BED (ik that there are others but those are the most recognized). i dunno if that made any sense but my main point was just to say that we are all suffering and are in pain and I feel like the public should recognize and stop stigmatizing ALL eating disorders. i dunno. please tell me your opinion/thoughts because i really wanna educate myself and see if anyone else feels this way.

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[Tip] [Long] Introduction to DBT for ED
/u/idkhowtoeatwhoops
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:38:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uceb/long_introduction_to_dbt_for_ed/
---
[removed]

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How to restrict with low blood pressure?
/u/anhedonicandlaconic
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:37:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90uc7c/how_to_restrict_with_low_blood_pressure/
---
[removed]

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[Help] A cereal conundrum + how accurate are calorie labels really.
/u/erincouch95 [5'6" | CW: 117 | BMI: 18.9 | LW: 109 | F22]
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:34:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ubgu/a_cereal_conundrum_how_accurate_are_calorie/
---
I eat bite-size shredded wheat cereal for breakfast because it is very filling with little calories for how filling it is, I guess. I buy Kroger brand because it has the "lowest" amount of calories (170 cal for 1 1/4 cup), but I'm not so sure... Like it's the same exact thing as the Post brand name but that one has 170 calories for just 1 cup. And then, you get into a whole other ball park where you have the shredded wheat that kinda looks like Frosted Mini Wheats (the biscuits are much thicker and fluffier), and you get about 200 cal/cup on that. I buy the Aldi brand of that. But all of these varieties have zero g sugar! How does that even work? Can anyone shed any light on this, or is it just that calorie labels are inaccurate across brands?

Side note: I've noticed that all off-brand things I've ever bought, whether Aldi or Kroger, have lower-than-average calories. For example, the Aldi knock-off of Kashi Go Lean Crunch only has 150 cal/cup, whereas the Kashi has 190 cal for 3/4 cup??? Help!

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[Help] What would you do?
/u/relapseandrecovery
Created: Sat Jul 21 19:07:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90u5dh/what_would_you_do/
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I have a lot of reasons for why I want to quit this job early and some strong things stopping me. I could go on and on about it but I want to know from yall what it would take for you to quit your job if it was stressing you out. I can't tell if I'm being dramatic and exaggerating my issues to be able to validly quit or if I am seriously spiralling and need to save myself. What would you guys do? At what point would you feel the need to quit your job for your mental health? Keep in mind for my situation this is an internship so it's only temporary aka 3 weeks left here

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[Help] So bloated... help?? (TMI)
/u/gatechnightman [5'8" | CW: 130 | GW: 110 | UGW: 100 | Female]
Created: Sat Jul 21 18:59:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90u3gq/so_bloated_help_tmi/
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I’ve been eating less than 400-500 calories a day for a while now and I’ve just not been able to have good BM. It’s a real struggle. Rehab has me on laxatives and stool softeners but nothing is working. My belly looks so big because I’m so bloated.

Help???

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[Other] When your co worker asks what you’re eating for lunch
/u/speedayyyy
Created: Sat Jul 21 18:48:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90u0zp/when_your_co_worker_asks_what_youre_eating_for/
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And you point to the Diet Coke and cigarettes 💁‍♀️

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[Discussion] Your list of safe/unsafe/risky food?
/u/Burlesqua [🌷 5'4'' | CW:108 | BMI:18 | 20/F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 18:41:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tzeu/your_list_of_safeunsaferisky_food/
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(I know this discussion comes up a lot so feel free to remove my post if you consider it as spam)

SAFE (comforting)
- Crispy bread
- Fruits (top tier : Granny Smith apples, red fruits)
- Spinach
- Salad
- Vegetables (top tier : tomatoes, shredded carrots, red peppers, eggplants)
- Hummus
- Gnocchi
- Veggie ravioli
- Diced vegetables mix
- Mashed vegetables
- Spicy mechouia (side dish from North Africa, reallyyyy recommend it)
- Goat, feta and parmesan cheese
- Lentils

UNSAFE (triggering - will end up in a binge)
- White bread
- Biscuits
- Cereals/Muesli
- Brioche (bun)
- Pasta
- Doughnut/Fritter
- Chips
- Cookies
- Speculoos (I can not stop eating these even if my life depended on it REEEE)

RISKY (can eat but need to be *very* careful)
- Dark chocolate
- Peanut butter
- Jam
- Bananas
- Apple sauce
- Nuts
- Pastries
- Pizza

I could have added a lot more food but I don’t want to make a five page long list 😂
Have a nice day lovelies 🌸

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[Other] Working at a theater has its perks
/u/evian-x
Created: Sat Jul 21 18:27:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tw5m/working_at_a_theater_has_its_perks/
---
I work at a movie theater and we get free popcorn + soda/water, and we've got those customizable coke machines.

Yall know ya boy is hitting up that diet section like a madman, and it'll be all i get in a 7+ hour shift.

I am caffinated and blessed,, if only our pay was just as good lmao.

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[Other] Feeling Disgusting with a capital D
/u/cafesitoconpan [5’5” | CW:145 | BMI: 24.4 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:50:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tnn3/feeling_disgusting_with_a_capital_d/
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It was my birthday last week, I went out with friends and stayed over a friend’s house but only had my clubbing clothes on so my friend gave me some pjs to use. My friend is skinnier than me and looks so great but I didn’t realize how much bigger I am until I actually put on some of her clothes. They were tight on me and I felt like crap. I’m always the skinny friend but I haven’t been so lately. I’m also looking at videos from when I blew out my bday candles and I can see a stomach roll clear as day which has never been a problem area for me bc I tend to gain weight in my thighs/muffin top first 😓 anyways, I thought I was doing great and haven’t been on this sub in a while but I’m going to go back to restricting and jogging/running like 4 miles tomorrow, I feel disgusting and don’t want to go into this age feeling fat, I want to look dainty like a ballerina but still strong and elegant

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[Other] Posting instead of purging rn
/u/psychedelicpeach [5'5.5'' | 23.5 | CW:144 | GW:125]
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:35:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tjuu/posting_instead_of_purging_rn/
---
For some *odd* reason I decided to hunt down my old measuring tape and take measurements of every single part of my body! Bad news: wow I have big thighs. Good news: apparently I have an extremely healthy and “ideal” waist to hip ratio! I still want to purge so badly right now but instead I am going to drink lots of water, watch my favorite movie, and finish some homework! Here’s to taking recovery a day at a time 🍻

EDIT: meant to say I have big "thighs" not big "things" but I feel like things works too ://

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[Rant/Rave] Nacho over and out (maybe in 48 hours)
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tema/nacho_over_and_out_maybe_in_48_hours/
---
I said last week that my friends were wanting to chat which would signify the end of this account.

Well that chat happened this evening. You’ll have seen they bought me massive calorie-dense oat bar things, and they made me have three (THREE FUCK THAT’S LIKE 1000 CALORIES). Unsurprisingly, I’m still under 2000 for the day - especially considering my busy job and the run I went on.

Anyway, we had a very long chat which, at points, was as blunt as “you’re going to die soon. You look anorexic. You’re getting kicked out of university”, all truths which hurt more when other people observe them. The heart issues, the fatigue, the joints and bones ruining themselves, not menstruating, no sex drive, bruising and scarring, my hair and nails, the clothes that don’t fit - these are problems. I’m not going through a phase, I am anorexic and that’s a problem. We decided that I’m just going to have to eat 2000-2500 calories per day, brute force or whatever until I gain weight and they will be there for accountability - I’ve been rejected by almost 20 professionals the only person who can truly change things is me.

This sub has been incredibly supportive, a place where I can be understood, where I can anonymously rant, where I can relate to others but it’s probably best this goes. Leaving behind you incredible bunch of people, despite the fact that you are supportive and kind and anything but enabling anorexia, is a shame.

I’ve given myself 48 hours to remove this account. 48 hours left of commenting updating, and weaning myself off horrific memes. I want to thank you all simply for being who you are and wish you all the very best in everything.

I promise that when I’ve sorted out with my university all of the ways in which I plan to help (see previous posts) I’ll let you know from my main how it all went. This account’s final post will be on Monday, though I’m sure SpiNACHOcolate3 will be an inevitable fallback in the future (WATCHOUT FAM)

For now, peace and love.

Yours,
CMD🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

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[Discussion] [support] I feel like a failure bc I'm just bulimic
/u/creampuffpixie
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:10:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tdy4/support_i_feel_like_a_failure_bc_im_just_bulimic/
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I completely lose control. I've been able to restrict successfully once and lost thirty lbs. But that control is gone now. Bulimia has gripped me and I feel like I can't stop.

I feel like I'm failing at this whole eating disorder thing. I feel sick all the time. I can't eat a whole meal without puking. I can't be around food without shoving it in my face. I can't not eat. But I also can't be full.

I am not even losing weight. I'm always between 128-136. If I gain any weight I don't know what I'll do.

I hate my body. I just want to accept it but I can't (unless I'm drunk or off some hard drugs).

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[Rant/Rave] "You're bulimic? Ew, that's just gross."
/u/purplecat78
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:05:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tct6/youre_bulimic_ew_thats_just_gross/
---
All eating disorders are terrible and one of the most painful things someone can experience, but I hate how the stigma around anorexia is that when you have it you're skinny and perfect and tiny, but the stigma around bulimia is like ewww wtf you're weird, who is messed up enough to do that? As a bulimic, I have done my fair share of pretty disgusting stuff but that doesn't define me as a person :(.

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[Help] anxiety about going out
/u/damnitjanet6 [5"5'| hellbeast | BMI 29 | -22lbs | 20F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 17:00:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90tbgo/anxiety_about_going_out/
---
aaaaaa so i feel like i'm making a post on here every other day and i'm really sorry for that- it's just so good to be able to actually describe how my shitty brain is working to people who "get it".

I'm meant to be going out for a meal for a friend's birthday on monday night. it's such a stupid situation but because i'm working during that day and then the next day too, i'm having to book a hotel so that i can get to work on time and plus the train ticket is ending up being like £40 on top of that. it's gone from being a little bit of a meal out to being this huge expensive thing and it's killing me with food anxiety because how do i justify all this for one pathetic meal that i don't even want to eat because the entire idea of eating it freaks me out?? am i really such a fatass that i'll spend like upwards of £150 to have a shitty oily greasy pile of shit meal?

and then on top of that, i don't have an ID. or i do, but it's three years out of date lol. i don't have a passport or a driving license, just a very out-of-date pass card and a university ID that doesn't have my date of birth on it. i don't plan on drinking anyway (lol calories) so i'm not going to be trying to buy alcohol but the resteraunt *i cant spell sorrrry* we're going to is 18+ and i'm so panicked that i'll be turned away for not having ID? and it'll draw attention to my awful fat ass trying to buy fattening food and stuff my face? and ruin the night for all my friends and put them in an awkward situation uuuuuugh? i want to be there for my friend and for her birthday but holy shit it's setting off my anxiety so bad that i have legitimately considered killing myself to avoid having to go. what the fuck do i do?

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[Rant/Rave] I'm freaking the f*ck out!!
/u/star_clover
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:48:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t8dj/im_freaking_the_fck_out/
---
I just had the most horrible realization today...
In October, my whole family is going on a big three week vacation including a cruise in the Caribbean. I've known about this for a year....I thought to myself (then) well a year is plenty of time to lose the 20kg overweight....
Well, its now three months left and I haven't lost a ounce!!!

I totally panicked today when it hit me that I would have to wear a bikini in three months. I mean it's not possible under my circumstances to lose all that weight....And now I'm sitting here trying to manage my anxiety with alcohol....Of course that is a horrible idea!!! All those calories!!! I'm feel like such an immense failure right now that I can barely breath.

I have no clue what to do, three months...while working and studying. I can't restrict because that will get noticed.

I feel totally lost....Sorry for the rant, just needed to vent.

---

[Other] I wrote this, about binging. I hope it's allowed, TW this is about how binging makes me feel and I wrote it about my thought process to stop
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -9 | 21F ]
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t3jn/i_wrote_this_about_binging_i_hope_its_allowed_tw/
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Stop! You, there, standing in the glow of an open fridge door, or on tip toes, neck craning into an open cupboard. Yes, you. What do you expect to find in the food that sits on those shelves? Do you expect to find solace in the bottom of that jar, or to find a friend like a free toy in a cereal box? When you sit down with your feast, looking at all of the forbidden flavors, do you fantasize that you will be happy afterward? Satisfied, satiated, or sated? When you have had more than your fill, and then some, and then just a bit more because food doesn’t really make the emptiness and hurt go away, what do you think you will feel then? I think I know. I think you do too, even though you tuck it away in the back of your mind, putting your need for instant gratification before your need to process what’s really eating you up; the stress, the sadness, the loneliness. Because those are hard to face, right? Those take time; minutes, hours, days, weeks even to process. Not to mention the effort. Why go through that when you could just feel the comfort you think you want now? But whatever you are reaching for, as easily as it can prove gratifying, we both know that it comes with strings. As soon as your plate is cleared and you sit back, so pleased, the true problem comes creeping back from whatever crevice you stuffed it into when you started. And it has friends. Their names are shame, regret, and anxiety, and they work so quickly to make you wonder why you ever began this whole thing. You look around, at the wrappers, the dishes, the empty containers, and you want to disappear. You think about the calories, can you even remember how many you ate? Anxiety rises, and so do you, to hide and conceal your guilty pleasure, but it doesn’t erase the damage on your body. It keeps no secrets. You go lay down, the mental and physical tolls working together to make you nauseated. Tomorrow, your problem will still be there, waiting. Perhaps after they do their dirty work its friends will leave you broken, beat up on the inside out, weak and defeated. So stop. If you can’t go a day without thinking about your goal, stop. If you want to take control, stop. If you want to go through the problem, stop. Stop and turn to me, close the cupboard, the pantry, the fridge. Let’s go for a walk, talk to a friend, write out the real issue, anything really. But let’s do something besides binge.

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[Rant/Rave] Don’t you just love being on your period??
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:25:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t2sp/dont_you_just_love_being_on_your_period/
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It makes you eat everything with the most intense cravings. I’m gonna go back to restricting after this shit is done. How can I get through it.

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[Help] I feel like I'm on a fast downward spiral and I don't know what to do and I'm scared. I need help
/u/Highoffempty [5'9|CW: 143.3 | GW: 120 | UGW: 106 |Lbs lost: 16.7]
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t2q7/i_feel_like_im_on_a_fast_downward_spiral_and_i/
---
For about 2 months I've been doing pretty good. Not binging (except 1 or 2 smaller ones...not to the point where I feel like my stomach will burst). I'm doing plant based keto and that was really helping my cravings/binges..

The past week though. My binges have been getting progressively worse. Today was the first day that I actually just stood infront of the fridge and shoved whatever I could find (that was still what I considered "keto" food...but I'm pretty sure I'm out of ketosis) into my mouth. I'm at a low point. I know that because I was dipping half frozen keto bread into peanut butter and pasta sauce. Eating so fast without chewing that it hurt going down. Eating cereal with cream meant for coffee. Globs of cream cheese on bagels. Like some dog without any self control.

I feel horrible. I have no one to talk to or turn to. I have gone through this cycle for a few years and I cannot do this again. I lost 15lbs and I thought I was doing well. I can't have day after day of pain from binging and gain again. All to restrict again.

I just am trying to get through today. The urge to binge is just so strong again even though just a few hours ago I was in horrible pain. I'm acting like some addict. I want to fast for a week to off set these disgusting few binge days. I've gained like 3lbs. I'm so tired of this.

What do I do now? What's left? Is this my life? A cycle of obscene eating and restricting? I just want to see my ugw before I die. I just really want to get through this 1 week fast. I just have no idea why I'm just so out of control now

Can anyone offer any advice/help? I'm kind of getting desperate.

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[Other] A new perspective?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:24:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t2lq/a_new_perspective/
---
[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I have impetigo FML (part ED related, part I need to fucking rant)
/u/squishyskeleton [Height 5”5 | CW 52kg | GW David Bowie's lowest | BMI 18.9 ]
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:22:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t2bj/i_have_impetigo_fml_part_ed_related_part_i_need/
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Pro: I’ve lost weight because I can’t eat much and my antibiotics must be taken with NO food.

Con: fucking everything else.

I know I have a pre-existing skin condition which meant that as an adult it could be possible to get impetigo (which is a disease for kids, or at least most common in kids). However, another thing that means adults could get it is a low immune system/bad immunity. I know my immune system has gotten so much shittier since I started restricting constantly.

Part of me wonders that if I didn’t have an ED if I would even get this, if I would be stuck with sore lips, sore eye, sore head. Being unable to touch my skin, having to take days off of work and most likely university tomorrow. Ever since developing an eating disorder I have gotten sick more often, I’m more exhausted, I’m more run down. I never used to get sick. I used to fight illnesses and scrapes like a champ.

Now my body can’t heal well. I can’t heal well. And I’m stuck with this shitty disease that I don’t want. Feeling disgusting and hating myself even more because I look shitty. So fucking shitty. It’s make me feel worse about my weight and my looks. It’s no fun guys.

Here’s a link about impetigo: https://www.dermnetnz.org/topics/impetigo/

It’s pretty gross.

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[Intro] Tfw you’ve stopped yourself from coming back to this sub after almost a year of “recovery” but lose your appetite and fans make you cold in the summer.
/u/Koweapoo
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:22:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90t26t/tfw_youve_stopped_yourself_from_coming_back_to/
---
Well it ended by being treated for other mental illness since the summer (was 105 pounds at 5’6) and this summer I’m almost back there at 115 and working manually demanding kitchen work and eating nothing, sleeping all day, sometimes consuming amphetamines and accidentally binging and just no want to eat. I hope you guys welcome me back since my last reddit was deleted by my old sister for safety reasons. It’s nice to be back 🙃

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[Help] I think i need some help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:08:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90syw2/i_think_i_need_some_help/
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[deleted]

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[Tip] Pro tip for people who are going to baseball or sports games and don't want to get fat from nachos and hot dogs: arrive early and walk around.
/u/EDthrowaway343
Created: Sat Jul 21 16:02:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90sx9p/pro_tip_for_people_who_are_going_to_baseball_or/
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Hey guys! I have season tickets to the Detroit Tigers, and sometimes I feel like buying ballpark food. I know most of you guys go rarely, and usually socially, but feel the pressure to eat calorie dense junkfood, especially in front of your friends.

Here's how I get by so I look normal. I always ask to arrive early so I can walk around the stadium, and take a few walks during the game. If you walk around for an hour before, you're down 200 calories and can justify it by wanting to look at all the nifty stuff they have in the park. 200 calories is a small hot dog!

The other option is to forget your money and refuse to let your friends buy you anything.

But seriously, just eat the hot dog and walk around. Win win.

Top tip 2: sometimes you can park very far away, like a mile or more, and take a nice walk to the stadium, blowing another 200 calories there and back. Especially fun if the stadium is downtown.

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[Discussion] The Blackout Binge
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 15:55:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90svjq/the_blackout_binge/
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Anyone else blackout binge? I just experienced that. I was in bed, 28 hours into a fast, not hungry... suddenly I’m hurling 8 bowls of cereal into the toilet. I genuinely dont even remember eating. It was like I got drunk off mug cakes and cereal.

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[Help] Where do all the calories come from?? I thought mushrooms were relatively low cal
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5| 100 lbs| 19.4| 18F| Exploring Recovery]
Created: Sat Jul 21 15:53:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90sv0t/where_do_all_the_calories_come_from_i_thought/
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https://i.redd.it/0pim63zghdb11.jpg

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what are y’all’s thigh measurements?
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1 | CW:109 GW:100]
Created: Sat Jul 21 15:14:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90slbd/what_are_yalls_thigh_measurements/
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mine are 20” and i’m just wondering how i compare!

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I want to die
/u/crcarpen
Created: Sat Jul 21 15:00:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90shr8/i_want_to_die/
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[removed]

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No one congratulates you for yo-yo dieting
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jul 21 14:49:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90sewm/no_one_congratulates_you_for_yoyo_dieting/
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[deleted]

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[Discussion] Do you think we could put a PANIC BUTTON - EMERGENCY REBOOT MOTIVATION in this subreddit to help when a binge is about to happen?
/u/BadLifePLanner
Created: Sat Jul 21 14:48:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90setq/do_you_think_we_could_put_a_panic_button/
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Idea shamelessly stolen from NoFap. (Hey, I wound up there by accident) They have this green button in the sidebar and it leads to a post describing in detail how you will regret what you're about to do.

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[Help] I don’t know what to do
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Sat Jul 21 14:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90seia/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
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Right now I’m on holiday, have been for two and a half weeks and am having a ball of a time with my partners family. The only problem is that food has been completely out of my control, and I’ve been eating a solid three meals a day (maybe more inc snacks) - this is the same person that three weeks ago would be eating one small meal. But it’s ok, I feel as though I’ve gained and I’m feeling disgusting - but I’m at the stage where my every thought isn’t consumed by food. (It’s consumed by body hate instead lolololol). But rather than hardcore restricting whenever I get home, I was thinking of trying to go to the gym and exercise more bc if I restrict I’ll binge after a few days - eating normally (sorta) has allowed me to eat only enough to satisfy me rather than eating to fill a void! But ok I’m rambling lmao. If I was to eat fairly low cal (probably 1200-1500-ish) and work out often, would I be able to lose weight and be small? (I was 110 before I left, p sure I’m 115 now tho rip.)

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[Other] Lithium and weight, any experiences much appreciated ❤️ I know it’s a 50/50 ED question but idk who else would truly understand💜
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Sat Jul 21 14:31:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90sah2/lithium_and_weight_any_experiences_much/
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Hey guys I know everyone’s different with meds and a lot of us are on meds for co occurring mental illness. I thought this would be the only place to get REAL answers from people who truly understand my petrified idea of gaining weight.

My BP and BPD and ED have brought me to this, I NEVER take meds. that are well known to cause weight gain and my pdoc. Is aware of my ED and tries her best. We hit a wall and it’s either try to add in lithium or to possibly try ECT. I gave in for the first time in a year and figured I would give it a go since Idk what to do.

I’ve been on 300mgs then will go up to 600mg next week. She has me taking it before bed/ like as I turn the light off style 😂 Incase it causes hunger so at least hopefully that symptom won’t start. While she is worried about my ED she knows the second I imagine OR I imagine weight gain I stop and stick to my current meds I’ve had for years.

Do you guys think weight gain is due to increased appetite or it just fucks up your bodies metabolism etc? I’m going to stick with my same disordered ways 🙃 so I’m hoping eating low cal will not cause any.....,

Sorry if this post isn’t okay here, just looking for advice other than “I gained 15 lbs but it’s okay because I feel great” .....nope I would die ☠️

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[Discussion] The guy I’m seeing is the worst
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jul 21 14:15:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90s6e2/the_guy_im_seeing_is_the_worst/
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[deleted]

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[Help] To those of you who see a therapist.
/u/lyhndzie [5'5"|HW: 170|CW: eww|UGW: 98| F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 13:54:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90s0vq/to_those_of_you_who_see_a_therapist/
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How do you go about finding one? I’m not ready to address my ED yet, but my depression has gotten so out of hand that I don’t know what to do. I want to start seeing a counselor, but I have no idea how to go about that. I searched on google for therapists in my area, but they are all so expensive and out of the range of what I can afford. I have insurance that could help, but most of the therapists I’ve found don’t take the type of insurance I have. Do you guys know of any cheap(er) online alternatives or maybe how to get financial aid?

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[Other] I don’t know where else to post this and I trust this community and I don’t know what to do or how to react please help me
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword [172cm | CW: 68kg | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 13:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rqax/i_dont_know_where_else_to_post_this_and_i_trust/
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I just recently had a memory resurface. I never fully blocked it out but I never approached it or thought about it deeply. I’ve never written it down (until now) and I never said it loud and don’t think I ever can.


When I was in second grade or so, me and this other girl were friends and she would play this game with me where she would touch me and have me touch her and like it went on for a while until I didn’t feel comfortable and I stopped hanging out with her.

She would tell me she thought of the game and would play it by herself in the shower sometimes and I don’t know I’m just writing the things I remember.

I’m freaking out. I’m crying. I don’t know how to feel. Was this just kids being curious?? If so why do I feel so weird about it?? Can you even be molested by someone who’s your age?? Was this even molestation or am I saying it because I want it to be a big deal? We never went under the pants only over. I don’t know how to react I’m freaking out I don’t know what to do.

Is this even a big deal or am I making it up to be one and freaking out for no reason???

I just feel so wrong right now.

I don’t know how to feel.

Was she molested as a kid and that’s why she was like that?

Did this affect me more than I thought? I don’t know anything I’m freaking out and I’m sorry about this word dump and thank you for listening if anyone did

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[Discussion] Favorite ED-related books?
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 113.7 | GW 101 | WL 4 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:59:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rmbh/favorite_edrelated_books/
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I'm craving a good read right now that speaks to my realm. I'm wondering what's on everyone else's radar that I might not know about, anything from fiction, to memoir, to YA, from relapse to recovery.

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[Rant/Rave] Almost There Again!!!
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rkh6/almost_there_again/
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[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] Has anyone 'recovered' from an eating disorder, put on more weight than they would have liked and the thought of diet and exercise scares them?
/u/designingwoman
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:37:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rgfi/has_anyone_recovered_from_an_eating_disorder_put/
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Hi y'all,

So.

I first developed an eating disorder 10 years ago. I developed a very strict routine around everything that I did, down to what time of the day I woke up and fell asleep etc. I became underweight, reached my UGC and was, I thought, happy. My family didn't care so I was able to shed weight without issue.

Then a school counselor got involved. (This happened in highschool)

I decided to go into 'recovery' - not a program, just a self managed recovery w the help of my school counselor (that I had a crush on) and promises that we could be friends outside of school if I promised to recover. Unsurprising plot twist: didn't happen

So I did.. kind of. I put the weight back on and over the next few years went back and forth with relapsing and 'getting better'.

The past 5 years or so I have put on so much weight because the thought of restricting what I eat, how much, and god forbid exercising makes me terrified of relapse. So I don't do any of it.

Now I'm overweight, as is my spouse. I know I should be healthier and truth be told I don't eat a lot of junk, Im just incredibly sedentary. But even then the thought of exercise makes me worried. Weighing myself makes me scared and I cry whenever I do it.

Not sure what I'm aiming for with this post, but maybe to see if someone else has had a similar experience.

Love y'all.

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Why is this sub called proED?
/u/deadestpoet
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:31:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90reqv/why_is_this_sub_called_proed/
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I feel like a lot of the criticism we get from non-members of this community comes from people who just see the name of this sub and make their own assumptions. I'm not saying it's right for them to do so, but honestly? I get where they're coming from. If I just saw this sub without knowing anything about it I would assume it was a toxic place where people encourage each other to slowly kill themselves. Shouldn't proED instead be called EDsupport or EDcommunity or something? Isn't that a more accurate name for what actually goes on in here?

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[Help] I'm sorry, this must have been asked before, but I need help
/u/Fibreoptic_Calico
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:27:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rdrc/im_sorry_this_must_have_been_asked_before_but_i/
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I know we aren't medical professionals, I am seeking help from professionals, but I have to wait for them to call back (I'm in the UK and called 111) Looking for support whilst I wait.

I'm really short of breath. I feel like there is a weight on my diaphragm and I'm not getting enough air in. I feel like my ribs ache. I am lightheaded.
I've been doing OMAD, and maybe restricting a little too hard. High restriction though 700-900cals. I've been drinking plenty, including sports drinks. I nearly passed out in the shower and I've not felt right since.
People do OMAD or IF all the time right, they don't get like this? What's going on? Can I alleviate symptoms until 111 call me back?
Any kind words? :(((

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[Help] watermelon calories question
/u/combopoints
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:26:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90rdfj/watermelon_calories_question/
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okay i’m really sorry if this isn’t allowed but i just thought of this and now it’s freaking me out.
are watermelon seeds already counted in the official calorie value of a watermelon?? can i save calories if i spit the seeds? do people usually eat the seeds?

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[Help] Do you buy clothes before or at goal weights? (AKA how much of a difference is 3kg?!?)
/u/self-destrukt [153.67 cm | 46.95 kg | 19.88 | -21.09 kg | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 12:05:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90r7t7/do_you_buy_clothes_before_or_at_goal_weights_aka/
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I'm working on recovery right now and losing the last few pounds before maintaining for good (I hope). I have a wide range of sizes in my closet from over seven years of ridiculous weight fluctuations from my disordered behaviour. I still have dresses and tops that fit well, but I'm running into issues with pants. I can still comfortably wear my yoga pants, but my jeans are starting to be too big now that I'm at 47 kg. (I think have smaller clothing back in the UK, but I'm in California right now for work and so I have a more limited selection of UK 6-8 pants.)

I'm starting to feel really terrible about myself because wearing too big clothes (small enough to stay up, but obviously big enough to fit poorly) makes me feel larger than I am and this whole healthy weight loss is really slow. (My goal is 44 kg and I'm 5'0.)

I want to buy new pants, but I'm worried that I'll waste money if I have to replace them again once I lose the last 3 kg. But, if it takes forever to get there, I don't want to be feeling so terrible about my body (and possibly trigger a relapse) because nothing looks good on me. ARGH.

* Does anyone know how much of a difference 3 kg will make in jeans? (47kg > 44kg)
* How do you deal with clothing sizes when you're losing weight?
* Do you buy things that fit you now, things that are a little too small, or wait until you hit a goal?

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[Discussion] Anyone else kinda, normalize their disorder?
/u/FinickyFireflies [5'5 | Cw: 142lbs |BMI: 23.6 |LW: 140 |GW: 110 | Non-Binary]
Created: Sat Jul 21 11:49:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90r3nn/anyone_else_kinda_normalize_their_disorder/
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I go to my mom for almost everything in my life. I vent to her for most of my problems because I know she has most of the same ones (She has really bad anxiety and I'm pretty sure she has some depression). Pretty recently I had just gotten into the car with her and she asks "Hey, whats up with you?". The first response I think of was "I ate more than I wanted to today and now I feel shitty." and I felt completely normal about it too. I **almost** said it to her. Then my brain actually kicked in and I respond with a simple "I'm just tired." and that was that. And now I'm left wondering if I was really just too tired to notice what I was about to say or if I am just too used to this shit and venting online to other people with similar problems.

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[Other] Vanilla Coke Zero
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 11:45:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90r2rr/vanilla_coke_zero/
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Just a moment of appreciation. I actually normally hate vanilla, so I refused to budge, but the 12-count cans were on sale for $2.50. This is the nectar of the God’s. My true saviour.

Thank you, Vanilla Coke Zero

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[Rant/Rave] I have to change my diet and I am afraid
/u/FitCelery3 [5'7" | 118| 18| UGW 113 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 11:41:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90r1ii/i_have_to_change_my_diet_and_i_am_afraid/
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Back in March, due to a SIBO diagnosis, my holistic doctor Suggested that I eat only coconut oil for three straight weeks. Before that, I was eating a lot of steamed vegetables and lean protein, basically the PSMF diet.

The coconut oil diet actually made me lose about 10 pounds. I know it was water weight, but it made me deathly afraid of vegetables. Since then, I have basically only eaten lean protein and sometimes just coconut oil for a few days. I never eat vegetables and I am terrified of them.

Well, I think that this has dehydrated me greatly. While I’m 5’7” and 113-119 pounds depending on the week (crazy fluctuations), my body is starting to die. My legs cramp every night- CHARLIE HORSE cramping. And I’m starting to get severe pitting edema in a daily basis. I can’t do HIIT exercises because I’m weak. On top of that, I actually think that I’ve gained body fat and lost muscle.

So today I start back on PSMF. Low cal generally, egg whites, and steamed vegetables only. No alcohol, no high fat. My body is going to go wild with water fluctuations.

I don’t know what I’m asking for on here, but this sub is the best and I’d appreciate anyone’s thoughts or similar experiences.

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[Help] Am I wrong?
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 132.2 & BMI: 20.1 | GW:115 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 11:20:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90qvz6/am_i_wrong/
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I’m shopping around for a therapist right now and while I don’t really want help regarding my ED, I do want to speak freely about it. Today I met with another therapist for an initial appointment and for the many reasons that I don’t want to go back, a major issue for me was that she was obese. It’s not really BECAUSE she’s fat I promise. but I worry about show she would perceive me and my ED. I would be too afraid to speak openly about my relationship with food and my body without being embarrassed and feeling guilty about being normal weight and talking about myself in that way. I would feel like I was fishing for compliments even though I’m not. Like I never talk about my body/food issues in front of my overweight friends for this exact reason. When she asked me about my level of self-esteem I was honest and I still felt guilt even without mentioning weight.

My mom asked me why I didn’t want to go back and I sorta-kinda explained why without actually mentioning the real reason and she made me feel bad about it but I just...I don’t know.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

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Vent — Not 100% ED Related
/u/thethugwife
Created: Sat Jul 21 11:12:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90qtxz/vent_not_100_ed_related/
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So...like the title says...I’ll delete if that’s not okay. I love my mom. She’s also very emotionally manipulative. She has aspects of both borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. I called her out on something this morning by making her aware of how her behavior made me feel. Her response has been to cast herself as the victim and quit speaking (we live together with my husband and my infant son). It is her way to attempt to invalidate my feelings and not take responsibility for her hurtful, manipulative behaviors. She gaslights me frequently and will attribute statements to me, then blame her actions on that “I threw x away because you said y,” knowing that what she did will hurt me (in this case throwing away a family heirloom that was LITERALLY all I have of my grandfather).

When I was pregnant she constantly made comments about me “blowing up,” and how she hoped I wouldn’t have a fat baby. I was “blowing up” because of pre-eclampsia and my son was born at 5 lbs, 6 oz. (So I guess she got her wish).
He’s still underweight for his age at 11 months.

Yesterday, I told her I wasn’t eating until supper and she started in at me about “taking this dieting thing too far.” WTF??
I’ve spent the morning avoiding her and I set an appointment Wednesday to see a therapist that specializes in adult survivors of child abuse.

The irony. I’m a therapist. And I’m 40. FML.

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[Discussion] Hate getting invited to go out to dinner
/u/tangerine_twist [5'8 | GW: 130 | 23.9 | 19F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 10:02:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90qbha/hate_getting_invited_to_go_out_to_dinner/
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When I’m in my apartment by myself I’m super good and restricting and my numbers on the scale slowly go down. But when I go out to dinner with friends and eat something rich and drink I’ll go up 2 pounds in water weight and it feels like forever to get it back down. It’s hard to enjoy dinner when I know I’ll lose progress

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[Other] Update: asked my friend.
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sat Jul 21 10:01:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90qb0i/update_asked_my_friend/
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https://i.redd.it/oul000hmqbb11.jpg

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[Discussion] All my favourite shows have that one character that is my ultimate thinspo
/u/VaguelyAmusedFairy [Height 5'5'| CW 138.6| GW 123 ]
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:58:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90qaf2/all_my_favourite_shows_have_that_one_character/
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Seriously, some of my all time favourite shows have that one character and UGH, I either never want to eat or hate myself more than usual (or both).

Frasier- Daphne (esp. those early seasons)

House M.D.- Cuddy

Doctor Who- Nearly all the females in Classic, Jenna Coleman/Clara in

NuWho has been my thinspo since she came on screen.

Kristen Ritter in everything

Scrubs- Elliot Reid

All cartoon females (Sarah Lynn...), all anime girls (ALL OF THEM)

Musketeers- Queen Anne


I could write a wiki page on the men too....


Lowkey, I'm a tv addict and I've been focusing on these things for years, probs why I've had some crazy weird eating patterns (that and my proclivity for forgetting to eat when I read haha).


Anyone else have theirs?

Edit: formatting

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[Help] Why do normal people do this?
/u/vintagetimetable
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:34:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90q420/why_do_normal_people_do_this/
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If you're going to an event and don't know what the meal will be for lunch/dinner... why would you eat a lot beforehand? If there is a high calorie meal there as well, you're just eating a lot of calories! Doesn't it make more sense to eat lighter before and packing some granola bars/etc. in case there isn't much food?

Like, we're going to the beach for this community thing tomorrow... my parents told me we all had to eat something big beforehand because they didn't know what the food situation would be. Like... why? You'd just be eating a lot!

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[Help] whats the longest "binge cycle" youve been through?
/u/painxiety [5'5" | Water-Weight Princess | 23 F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:24:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90q1l9/whats_the_longest_binge_cycle_youve_been_through/
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days, weeks, months?

this past week has been all out of whack. i have been eating at or slightly above maintenance (by slightly above i mean like 100 cal) for 5 days and have gained almost six pounds (please lord let it all be water weight). i wouldnt exactly call that bingeing but last night i had 6 or 7 beers and a milkshake so it was more or less a binge.

i just want out of this cycle. how do i break it?

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New scale
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:15:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pzex/new_scale/
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Ugh, I found this scale online & I shouldn’t have got it but I did. It’s Bluetooth and connects to my Apple health. So I can see my stats on my phone. I’m stuck at 134. I have been for a while. But I mean that’s okay bc I’ve been binging a lot at night so I’m glad I haven’t gained a bunch but I’m still shooting for 120 :/

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Is it okay to allow myself one binge day a week?
/u/CoffeeBonez
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:15:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pzdn/is_it_okay_to_allow_myself_one_binge_day_a_week/
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So if you care check my previous posts, you can see I have trouble bingeing. Pretty much 90% of the time I'm never even hungry for it. I'll be hungry for my dinner that fits in with my daily calories, then i go on autopilot and just keep eating all the snacks until I could star as Aunt Marge in Prisoner of Azkaban (after she gets blown up).

Now during the week I've gotten good at fasting during the day and eating a normal dinner in the evening, sometimes with something after dinner, usually reaching maybe 1050 calories. It's the weekends I struggle with the most, because I'm home most of the time (introvert yay) with access to all our groceries. Pretty much every Saturday or Sunday these past few weeks I have had no fucking control and just keep eating and eating. As mentioned i don't even want the food, not even hungry, I just can't stop myself.

So I thought maybe I could cut myself some slack and give myself one day a week where I don't worry about the calorie count? Today it's not even dinner time and I've already hit 1800 calories in pretty much snacks (I made millionaire shortbread and I can't stop eating it, they're about 400kcal each).

Has anyone tried this? I would restrict or stick to 1,100 a day all week, and then Saturday is the day where I also star in that Pokémon episode where Snorlax eats the entire island. Would one binge a week cause mass weight gain?

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[Rant/Rave] The prospect of eating in front of strangers already got me fucked up in advance
/u/averybluebitch [19f | 5'4 | CW: 52.4 kg | UGW: 48kg | 19.8]
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:10:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90py26/the_prospect_of_eating_in_front_of_strangers/
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So my boyfriend's got this event later today with some of his online friends and he really wants me to go and meet them, and I really can't say no. The place is a hipsterish burger joint that doesn't have calories on the menu, so that makes me anxious enough (but I can ask for alterations so I'm positive I can manage to get a ~500 calories vegetarian burger) but there's also the thing that most of these people have never seen him (us) before, and my brain is already imploding over making a bad first impression. He's so skinnier than me, we'll look like IRL Norbit to them :\ what if everyone think I'm a burger-eating piggy, just hopping on the chance of eating out? Or a sad fatty, making all those alterations on her order and annoying the staff to make believe she' "healthy"? It's tough, my dudes.

Ah, and the cherry on top! Because *of fucking course* my bf's tiny, skinny, funny, smart and intelligent friend will be there, just to make sure I feel like complete shit in comparation.


I'll try to not eat anything until then, but my mom's in the house so idk if she'll force me to have lunch. Anyway. Wish me luck guys, I'll need it

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Best way to avoid a hangover?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:08:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pxjl/best_way_to_avoid_a_hangover/
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[deleted]

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[Rant/Rave] I’m such a fat piece of shit
/u/meineschatzi [165cm | CW: 58kg | BMI: 21.5 | GW: 52kg | 25F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 09:08:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pxiw/im_such_a_fat_piece_of_shit/
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My flair is not updated. I am disgusting.

If I had the paracetamol here like last time, I would try and kill myself again.

Instead I’m just purging and cutting myself.

But I wish I was dead, I really do.

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i'm miserable either way so what's the point
/u/wannathrowyouaway
Created: Sat Jul 21 08:56:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pue5/im_miserable_either_way_so_whats_the_point/
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I'm not binging as much as I used to. Now I can go days without binging. That should make me happy, right? But I don't feel anything. I'm just relieved I don't have to compensate. But food is still all I think about at any time of the day. I could be busy and I'll still think about eating, constantly waiting for my next meal. I thought I wanted to get better but now that it's happening I'm not sure anymore.

Binging made me feel things. Mostly negative things, but at least I was able to feel something. Now I don't feel anything ever. I don't have anything to look forward to, nothing to pass time, nothing to cheer me up. And honestly, I don't think I'm okay with that. I don't think I like recovery. I just want to isolate myself and binge and purge all day.

I know bulimia (and all eating disorders) is dangerous and bad for your health, but I don't care. It's all I have, all that makes me happy even for just a moment. Food is the only thing I can always count on. I don't care if my eating disorder kills me. That would be a good way to go, for me. And I know when I move out on my own, I'll probably let it completely consume me. I honestly don't see myself 100% recovering. My therapist thinks I do want to recover or that I love myself just because I recently went 7 days without binging. But she doesn't know in those days I restricted and exercised and I did it just so I wouldn't get fat.

This doesn't make any sense. I'm sorry, I'm a mess.

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[Help] [Help] Low calorie way to turn protein powder into a protein bar
/u/pailblusea [5'6.5"| CW 126.8 | BMI 20.5 | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 08:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pq4j/help_low_calorie_way_to_turn_protein_powder_into/
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On mobile, can't flair.

The recipes I see are to mix the protein powder with coconut oil but the coconut oil is too many calories for me to get past.

Any ideas? I need to just use up this protein powder already and looking for something quick and easy to make...

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[Discussion] Compliments make me angry?
/u/CepheidVox
Created: Sat Jul 21 08:37:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pps9/compliments_make_me_angry/
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Lately people have been noticing my weight loss and saying I look great but I'm still overweight according to BMI. Instead of being happy about the positive attention, I feel disgusted and upset about how bad I must have looked before if they think this is good. I know I definitely don't look good in an objective sense so they must just be trying to encourage me. Does that make any sense at all? Am I just being hyper negative? I feel guilty about it, but their compliments make me feel kind of angry. Does anyone else feel like this?

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[Rant/Rave] My fat clothes make me feel frustrated...
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Sat Jul 21 08:07:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pivb/my_fat_clothes_make_me_feel_frustrated/
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I bought clothes at my highest weight ~190ish(I didn't weight myself for a starting point until after a month of dieting and exercise so this is my best guess). And everything I bought was a size 12, but stretchy. Literally all my pants are stretchy. So almost 50lbs later they all still fit.

And it just makes me feel awful. Like part of me knows it's because they were stretched to capacity before, but I feel like they should start being loose at the waist by now. They're probably more baggy throughout the leg than they were before but I honestly can't see much change. I feel like my scale is going to keep dropping but I'll never actually be any smaller.

I tried going shopping for a new pair too see what size I am now, and I couldn't do it. I used to be a size 0, and picking up any of the bigger sizes knowing they're definitely still too small was just too much for me.

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[Rant/Rave] 4kg (8.8lbs) down, smaller achievement but I'm so happy 😊
/u/imgonnaloseitall
Created: Sat Jul 21 07:35:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90pbhl/4kg_88lbs_down_smaller_achievement_but_im_so_happy/
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https://i.redd.it/s2qcx8ik0bb11.jpg

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Anybody else's birthday on August 20th?
/u/onthewaydownnn [25F 5'7" HW: 188 CW: 145 GW: 118]
Created: Sat Jul 21 07:05:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90p5bv/anybody_elses_birthday_on_august_20th/
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I am looking for an accountability buddy to stay strong and to my food plan every single day up until my birthday. I have a goal I promised I'd reach by **August 20th (130 lbs)**, and then another by the time I fly to CA for the week of **Thanksgiving (120 pounds)**. Now that the first goal date is so close, I can't afford to eff up.

On my birthday, I plan to have a ***glorious cheat day*** and spend the entire day with my husband experiencing freedom around food, and then going right back to my food plan to reach my ultimate goal weight by Thanksgiving.

Anyone want to be accountability buddies and connect through private messages every day before we go to sleep? Just to check in and send a screen shot of our daily intake, or talk about how hard it was, etc. I just really need someone to talk to so I keep my priorities straight!

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[Rant/Rave] fuck clothes shopping
/u/geisteslos
Created: Sat Jul 21 06:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90p2vk/fuck_clothes_shopping/
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I went clothes shopping today.
I'm weirdly euphoric but also wtf. I bought a really cute trans flag themed outfit. I generally bought cute af clothes.
yet here I am.
In every shop I went, I got clothes sized L, M, jeans in 40 and in case they don't fit, 42.
It showed me how in denial of my body I am to be honest. Every single thing, I had to get out and get a size smaller. And then it was still too big. I only bought clothes in US size 6 for bottoms and S for tops. And they're still loose.
I was afraid to buy XS, in case I'll gain weight. Realistically I probably won't.
body dysmorphia fucking sucks.
I was convinced, throughly, that everything has to be sized wrong and I lowkey still am. There's no way I fit into S. There's no way this can even be real. I know S is not super tiny, I'm normal weight but I'm in denial about the fact that I'm not wearing plus size.
fuck clothes, fuck sizes, why can't everything just magically be cute and fit me.

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[Discussion] Anyone else have a Purge Playlist?
/u/InactiveDegenerate
Created: Sat Jul 21 06:34:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90oz8l/anyone_else_have_a_purge_playlist/
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I have a really strong relationship with music; I have a playlist for sleep, eating, gym, restricting, morning routine, going to work etc. I made a playlist for purging with is timed so that my 'pump up' songs play while i'm actually doing it, and then my 'cool down' music plays afterwards. Does anybody else do this?

Some of the songs on mine are: Thanatos (Evangelion Soundtrack), Plastic Love (Tatsuro Yamashita), Keep Trying (Utada Hikaru) and The Wolf (Siames) during purging, then Here Comes a Thought (Steven Universe), Tsubasa wo Kudasi (Evangelion), Seabird (Alessi Brothers), Eat (Zion.T) and Я Вас Люблю (Dmitri Hvorostovsky) afterwards. I like the slower ones for the comedown because sometimes i'm too tired to do anything except nap. It's a pretty long playlist, since I tend to purge for up to an hour with short rests in between.

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! July 21, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jul 21 06:11:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ouuz/stupid_questions_saturday_july_21_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for July 21, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

Daily Food Diary! July 21, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jul 21 06:10:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90oumj/daily_food_diary_july_21_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 21, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Rant/Rave] Down 2 cups sizes in only a few weeks
/u/kernalmustache [5'7" ♀ | CW 100lbs | BMI 15.9 | SW 130lbs]
Created: Sat Jul 21 04:59:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90oisa/down_2_cups_sizes_in_only_a_few_weeks/
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UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHH!!! Is it too much to ask for to just lose belly weight and not everything else? Like over the past month or so I've been losing a lot of leg fat instead of belly fat which I guess I'm glad for since I was down to a 23" waist and my legs were still so huge (somebody told me leg fat is the last to go, I wonder if that's true), but I'm not just losing fat from my thighs. I measured myself a few weeks ago and my bra size 26DD, but now it's only 26C! I'm really shocked I even still have anything to lose there... Why does it seem like so many girls can be thin and still have a feminine figure, but when I lose weight I just end up looking like... this! I mean, I know the answer, but it's not fair and there's nothing I can do about it. Either way I'm going to hate my body, and well I guess if I choose to be thin that at least means I don't have to spend as much on food. I don't even know if my breasts would be bigger if I put on weight anyway. I guess until recently they were still getting bigger despite me losing weight, so maybe they would, but also maybe I'll just put on fat everywhere else and hate myself for two reasons.

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[Rant/Rave] Scheming on how to avoid the bacon being cooked for me.
/u/clammyjmoosen [5'10" | CW: 132 | 28F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 04:49:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90oh9o/scheming_on_how_to_avoid_the_bacon_being_cooked/
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I'm visiting a friend's grandmother on a road trip together. We were going to go out to breakfast, where I could get by with just a coffee or a fruit salad or something, but my friend wanted grandma's cooking... Now I'm hiding in bed trying to come up with excuses to give, restrictions I can make later, workouts I'll do tomorrow, and just dreaming of my normal breakfast. I wish I could just say no without hurting her feelings! Or, more realistically, I wish I could just eat the damn breakfast. I bet it's delicious.

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[Other] it makes me so upset how other people view this sub.
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 181 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Sat Jul 21 03:54:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90o91y/it_makes_me_so_upset_how_other_people_view_this/
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i've been on reddit for a while now and this has seriously been the most supportive community i've been a part of. i don't know anyone here personally but everytime i go on here to post a rant or talk through an issue i'm having, no matter how trivial, you guys always do your best to be as empathetic to my situation as you can be and for that, i am so grateful. i'm a part of other communities (i.e. r/teenagers, r/loseit, r/1200isplenty) and it honestly makes me sick to see some of the posts -- even worse, the super toxic circle jerk people get into regarding this subreddit. i get the title is a bit misleading so no wonder people are concerned. however, there's a fine line between expressing concern and blatantly spreading misinformation. it's like -- just because we talk and relate with one another about our experiences, we're suddenly "pro-whatever-eating-disorder" when we're *literally* just trying to fucking talk about our experiences. like, no one gives subreddits like r/depression shit for talking through their mental disorder or disordered thoughts so why is a subreddit like this one given shit for trying to the exact same thing? what pisses me off even more is that people have become so desensitized or have normalized jokes regarding mental disorders -- fuck, even jokes about suicide (i'm not saying it's right or wrong, but it's definitely a reality) but i talk about feeling bad for going over >1000 calories which i realize is unhealthy anyway and people feel the need to patronize me like they think i don't already know that. anyway.. lol, i dont rly know how to flair this. mainly a rant. also just wanted to let you guys know that i love you all so, so much and was also wondering what your guises' thoughts were.

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Things to do other than eating (bingeing)? Let’s make a list...
/u/noxadvena
Created: Sat Jul 21 03:12:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90o2xr/things_to_do_other_than_eating_bingeing_lets_make/
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I want to put a list together of things to do when I feel like bingeing. A list of things I must do instead.

The more the better really... could be anything from self care, exercise, cleaning, anything!

I’ll start with these... please add to my list <3

1. Vacuum whole apartment
2. Enjoy an herbal tea
3. Go for a walk around the block (if it’s light out)
4. Have a bath
5. Do a face mask
6. Do a work out video
7. Watch a movie
8. Go for a drive
9. Read a few chapters of a book
10. Clean the bathroom properly
11. Change my bed sheets
12. Learn new song on guitar

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[Goal] My ex's girlfriend is a model
/u/DoubleBeautiful
Created: Sat Jul 21 02:47:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90nz7a/my_exs_girlfriend_is_a_model/
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And she's EVERYWHERE. I can't look through instagram without seeing an ad of her in it. I knew he always liked super skinny girls and I was the one exception in his track record. He broke up with me, and now I can see why. By September, I'm going to be skinnier than her. I'm going to be the girl of his dreams. But I'm not going to let that asshole near me. He'll be forced to think about what he's lost while I'm moving on :) :) :)

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[Discussion] DAE go through periods of “normalcy”?
/u/1caru3
Created: Sat Jul 21 00:20:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90nbm3/dae_go_through_periods_of_normalcy/
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Okay so... I used to be a person with a high functioning ED (like, 300cal/day, etc.) but for the last few months or so... it’s like I just… went back to normal?? (maybe it’s summer break brain, who knows)

It’s not like I’ve recovered or anything, I still get triggered or something... but I stopped trying to force myself to restrict as heavily. Like, a month ago, I would literally cry and dry heave if I ever went above 1000cal a day, but now i’m perfectly fine with eating a good 100cal above my TDEE...

I haven’t gained much weight since then (just water weight) but I feel like i’ll snap out of it any second and go back to shivering in 90 degree heat and crying over going 50cal over my calorie goal.

Anyways, I just wanted to ask if any of y’all have gone through phases where your ED has been pushed to the back burner, or could it be i’m finally going into recovery? (not likely tho lmao)

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What safe food do you prepare that's not easy for someone else to make because it's so specific?
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 114.2 | GW 101 | WL 3 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 21 00:15:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90nawe/what_safe_food_do_you_prepare_thats_not_easy_for/
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For me, it's these black bean sweet potato 'fudge' brownies that I make pretty much every few days, and practically live off of. Two for breakfast, two for dinner. And then a bunch of veggies and beans for lunch. I used to eat energy bars on the regular, but something about the ingredients would make me nauseous, from like Power Bars to Meta RX. (I get nauseous pretty easily and can't even really do pre-packaged diet foods, so I envy people able to bear and live off diet/zero calorie stuff.) If I would eat them on an empty stomach I would just feel so sick all day. I thought beans would be an interesting/natural thing to research for protein, and I finally found a black beans bar recipe with sweet potato. It basically has black beans (that I make from dry beans), sweet potato (that I pre-cook), cocoa powder, baking powder, maple syrup, salt, vanilla, coconut oil, vegan mini chocolate chips, and coconut sprinkles on top (last two optional, depending on how restrictive I'm feeling.) They're about 100-120 cals each (depending on size/added ingredients). So, the base recipe is something I got online, but I made all of these modifications to it based on my needs. For instance, the original recipe calls for 1/3 of coconut oil, but I put about half of that much, because I don't want all the fat and also, the bars hold together better with less of the oil. It also calls for you to cut them in 12 bars, but I always cut them into 16. And—important—I'm fairly pale, and I started getting that orange hue because of all of the beta carotene going in my system, so now I make the bars with strictly with white sweet potatoes, and sometimes even white beans. Also, the bars don't hold that well because there isn't any egg or wheat, so you have to freeze them a little, and then I cut them and wrap each in plastic wrap, and put them in the fridge. The best part about them is they fulfill my sweet tooth needs and are also fairly filling, with natural ingredients, and I know exactly what are in them.

Anyway, sometimes I feel so alone in my meticulous attention to detail with food consumption, and like the specific ways I prepare it. My behavior is so abnormal compared to most people I know, who freely eat meat, fast food, cheese... and I'm always that weird one in the corner eating like, riced cauliflower rolled up into seaweed snacks or whatever the eff, and it's because i generally prefer it. I'm not shy about my preferences, and because I've been so consistent about it, people always are nice and sensitive about having at least a veggie dish for me at parties. (I never ask them to, as I always keep my own safe snacks on hand anyway—that's another thing people don't seem to understand. They always want to make sure to accommodate me, but I'm not a 'foodie' obviously have my disordered eating patters and always make my own accommodations...) But like, sometimes I just feel alone about it. I know part of it is that it takes so much time. But that's another thing is, at least with prep and planning, is that time also keeps me occupied and distracted. Anyways. Does anyone else have their thing that they always make? Or even just plan for to have on hand?

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Liquid fast : do smoothies count?
/u/PM-MEYOURDICKPICS
Created: Sat Jul 21 00:14:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90napd/liquid_fast_do_smoothies_count/
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I'm guessing not because my (3 serving, I split them up) smoothies are 500 calories (170 a piece)

I add milk, plain yogurt and a bunch of frozen fruit+kale and spinach.
Could I drink smoothies on a liquid fast?

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Moving to Japan in a Month
/u/osuimono
Created: Sat Jul 21 00:12:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90nae0/moving_to_japan_in_a_month/
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And I'm a goddamn whale. All my fat is in my stomach.

CW: 140

Height: 5ft 3

GW1: 120

It wont even be the ED brain telling me this, the average weight of a Japanese woman in my age group is 112 (as of 2016). Everyone will be dainty and small, drowning in cutesy baggy clothes. Meanwhile I'll be sweating in my spanx and chub rub chafing all over the place. It sounds really mean and I hate myself for this but I rely on seeing reverse thinspo out in public to remind myself I'm not that big, but now there wont be any reverse thinspo. I doubt I can shed 20 lbs to at least be presentable in time and I'm scared ill really hurt myself if I try, but I'm also scared I'll binge back up to my HW out of anxiety. And I binged today, so fasting tomorrow.

Also I joined peach. Same name. Follow me there please.

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Four day binge
/u/Jwish91
Created: Fri Jul 20 23:41:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90n4vf/four_day_binge/
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I usually restrict to 800cals. The last four days I’ve been eating 1500-1800 calories.

I’d had a cold for 10days that wouldn’t go away so I thought maybe my body needed extra energy temporarily to help me feel better. Now I’m finding it really hard to restrict back to 800. Any tips?

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My family sabotaged me
/u/princessily
Created: Fri Jul 20 23:25:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90n1xl/my_family_sabotaged_me/
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Today was going to be a good day, yesterday i didn’t binge, today I ate kind of correctly, only purged once, my fridge and cupboard were empty, I had absolute control over what food can come to this apartment, then, when I came back from work, my family was all here and they filled all spaces with food, theres food even on the table, they said this week my sis and a friend is staying here, but they bought food for an army, i’m really scared, everything fell out of control, they left(my sis and her friend are coming back tomorrow) and I had another binge episode, I’m out of control, my throat hurts, my nails are bleeding, i’m too tired to exercise again, i don’t know how to burn it all, I don’t know why I’m telling you guys, you probably are the only ones that can understand the helpless felling while forced to be around so much food, i wish I could make it disappear

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[Help] But seriously, how many calories in pills?
/u/fuckingilluminated
Created: Fri Jul 20 23:02:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mxok/but_seriously_how_many_calories_in_pills/
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I take meds for mental health (they all cause weight gain, fun fact)… and it's driving me crazy that those tiny little things could have calories. Am I stupid? Do pills even have calories? Someone please send me some solid advice.

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Youtubers for motivation?
/u/laisserai [4'11| cw: 🐳 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:51:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mvkq/youtubers_for_motivation/
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Watching videos of youtubers can either make or break me.

Watching Trisha Paytas mukbangs make me so hungry but watching Youtubers like Amberlynn Reid make me want to keep fasting.


What are some youtubers you guys watch?

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It’s kind of upsetting that guys don’t find my eating disorder attractive but they only find me attractive after my eating disorder
/u/sexygoddessforsale
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:49:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mv4d/its_kind_of_upsetting_that_guys_dont_find_my/
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Just feeling the feels

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[Goal] I finally got my whoosh and hit my next goal!
/u/fuckingilluminated
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mttg/i_finally_got_my_whoosh_and_hit_my_next_goal/
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So I had back surgery near the end of May and I was weighing in at 193. I recently realized that I was 181 and I had lost 12 pounds. Well that kicked my ass into gear and I have been restricting/fasting for the past 2 weeks, but I swear I wasn't seeing progress. I would dance around 178-181, not making any headway. It didn't make sense!

Well, this morning I woke up 174, 1 pound past my 175 goal. I nearly cried, I have been on a high all day. I can't exactly work out yet, my body still hurts, but I am so excited to in August when I have the go ahead from my doctor. So excited, guys. Sorry, I didn't know who else to tell.

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[Help] Best laxatives
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:26:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mqiq/best_laxatives/
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I’m looking for natural ones so my parents don’t get suspicious.

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[Other] For all my binge eaters out there ...
/u/carbaholicc
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:26:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mqig/for_all_my_binge_eaters_out_there/
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https://i.redd.it/7cbupfvma8b11.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] It's definitely a binge
/u/whataurban [6'1" | 155 | 19.52 | 0 | M2F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:13:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mo2c/its_definitely_a_binge/
---

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Religion and cheat days/not binging not restriction
/u/Anonymous_fiend [ 5'3 | CW:123lbs | HW:145 LW:83]
Created: Fri Jul 20 22:03:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mlxs/religion_and_cheat_daysnot_binging_not_restriction/
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Should I feel guilty? I ate under TDEE at 1232. I applied and had an interview today so I feel very accomplished. The main reason I felt justified was religious reasons. Today I am supposed to be more joyous and drink more. I want to keep my religious beliefs by beating my Ed for one day and push myself for G-d. This Sunday is a religious fast day so I'd feel extra bad not celebrating for G-d too. I feel kinda ashamed wanting to eat less even though it's not holy on Shabbat. Does your ED ever cause religious problems.

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[Goal] Survived my first <24 hour fast!
/u/eloana12
Created: Fri Jul 20 21:58:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mkup/survived_my_first_24_hour_fast/
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Previously, my longest fast was 23 hours. Never got the opportunity to do a 24 hour fast, which was one of my goals. Then 2 days ago, after a binge of way too many cookies and chocolate bars I decided to go for a 20 hour fast.
Next day I felt terrible, symptoms of a cold were hitting hard which made me lose my appetite. It doesn’t help I’ve got (hereditary) low blood pressure, so for lunch I had a sports drink (110 cal) that made me way too full to break the fast. I had PE after and somehow survived from playing rounders, even managed to score a rounder. When I got home I showered and took a nap past dinner, ended up sleeping for 13 hours.
I’m on hour 38 and plan on breaking in 2 hours with 200 cal worth of salty pretzels and fruit. It’s still hard to believe I went over 24 hours!!

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I'm a little drunk... and way over calories.
/u/oldesoul96 [32F | 5'4" | HW 270 lbs| CW 161 | BMI 27.7]
Created: Fri Jul 20 21:30:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mep3/im_a_little_drunk_and_way_over_calories/
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I am tired of fighting binge eating and I just want to be tiny and I want my husband to think I am sexy and want me. But I keep fucking up because binge eating disorder is a bitch and I have to pretend to be okay because my daughter is watching.

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[Rant/Rave] first binge in a while.
/u/turdddburger
Created: Fri Jul 20 21:11:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90mape/first_binge_in_a_while/
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fuck this. i was doing so well restricting and tonight i went and ate so fucking much. i hate myself. i can never fucking stick to anything. i purged but i still like shit for eating so much. i was just going to eat a relatively low cal wrap and it turned into this.... what’s wrong with me lol. i hate my eating disorder. i just want to be normal.

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Why does my family feel the need to comment on what I eat every time we go out?
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Fri Jul 20 21:02:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90m8oa/why_does_my_family_feel_the_need_to_comment_on/
---
Like, shut up. Shut. Up. It's always the same thing too "wow you must've been hungry, you wolfed that down. geez, you ate that so fast, hahaha." like? yea cause I got a third of the amount of food that you did and you've been talking so much the whole time that I can't get a word in edgewise so I've been eating while you haven't. Shut up!!!! Stop saying how much and how quickly I ate. My food was 600 calories (and the only thing I've eaten in 24 hours), you have 3 plates and a full-calorie drink in front of you, we've had our food for half an hour now, of course I'm done. Ugh, but everytime they say something like that I feel so sick and guilty that I have to go to the bathroom and purge. I hate it. I used to use going out to eat as a cheat day where I could order any dish I wanted and just enjoy my time and food but that's ruined now. Now the whole experience is just more calorie counting and guilt.

---

Does anyone want to make a snapchat group?
/u/kskobg
Created: Fri Jul 20 20:34:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90m2c4/does_anyone_want_to_make_a_snapchat_group/
---
I think that it would be fun and a good way to be able to talk to people about more day to day ED stuff that isn't rly worthy of posting here. And just a good way to make friends and have even more community :-) Idk anyone else struggling with this so it'd be nice to be able to snapchat and talk (complain lol) to some pals about it. DM me if you are down with your snap username!!

---

[Discussion] Brain fog is too real
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Fri Jul 20 20:27:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90m0uw/brain_fog_is_too_real/
---
I’ve been fogging up forgetting things and just been plain stupid lately and the fact I smoked weed yesterday too doesnt help my situation either I’m going to try vitamins and read again because this has been absolutely ridiculous 😂 anyone else feel like this?

---

I feel disgusting
/u/Hannahbutterflyana
Created: Fri Jul 20 20:17:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lylf/i_feel_disgusting/
---
For the past two weeks I've been counting calories and trying to restrict but then I always end up binging then purging, then it can start all over again, my stomach shrunk and my appetite has gone down but my cravings haven't and today I ate a chesesteak, purged, then when my bf got home he brought sushi and I ate again, but couldn't bring myself to purge cuz I didn't eat that much but my stomach didn't like the food and then I ate a whole bag of Terra chips and I hate myself and wish I could really restrict and fast but I can't cuz I always want to be on gross foods then I feel gross and hate myself and I've gained so much weight since I had my son and I'm the highest I've ever been in my life and I really hate myself. I'm over 200 lbs!! I don't even know how I let this happen!!!

---

my dad said i was getting thin in the face and for some fucked reason it encouraged me
/u/ventingdumbass
Created: Fri Jul 20 20:07:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lwbc/my_dad_said_i_was_getting_thin_in_the_face_and/
---
he said like “you’re losing a lot of weight, you’re getting too thin” and i said “no i’m not” he replied with “yeah you are, you can even see it in your face” i wish that didn’t encourage me. he said it in front of my girlfriend too and it made me feel proud?? i’m so fucking upset with myself teheh i’m gonna go purge now toodles i ate too much

---

What keeps you going?
/u/spaghetti_girl [5'3" | CW: 121 | GW: 105 | 20F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 20:06:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lw4u/what_keeps_you_going/
---
This is only very loosely related to EDs, but I feel like a lot of us also struggle with other areas of mental health as well.

I haven't been to work since Tuesday. I keep calling in sick and saying I have a fever but I'm literally fine. I just cant get out of bed. I can't see the point of anything. If there was a secret button I could press to just end it all and make it look like a tragic accident, I would press that button so fking fast. But sadly, I don't think that button exists and I have enough of a heart left to worry about my family.

Probably anyone that reads this would be like, "yup, it's called depression, dude. just go to a therapist." But I dont have the money to pay for that and I'm too much of a pussy to see if my university would give me free counseling even though I'm not currently enrolled in classes. I'm not sure it'd even help anyway.

Basically, this is just a long winded introduction to the question: What keeps you all here? How get out of bed? I'm pretty desperate to find some reasoning I can hold on to these days 🌧

---

[Help] Failed Salt Water Flush??
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:113 |GW:100 | 21F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:55:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ltix/failed_salt_water_flush/
---
Ok, so I decided to try a salt water flush to kill this plateau. I’ve never done one before but I tried to research as much as possible beforehand! I used sea salt and everything and drank it last night and GUESS WHO IS LITERALLY 3.5 POUNDS HEAVIER AND DIDNT EVEN POOP!!!!
I drank the saltwater last night on an empty stomach and it made my stomach make awful noises but I didn’t throw up or make any BMs so like???? Wtf???? Today I was extra nauseous and ate under 300cal but I haven’t pooped at all so I’m wondering if I did something wrong?
I just wanted to kill my plateau and instead I made it worse! I’ve been laughing at myself but really I’m about to mcfreaking lose it 🙃

---

Heart Murmur
/u/buzzcutseesun [6' Male | CW: 152.4 | GW: 130 | HW: 200]
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:43:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lqwh/heart_murmur/
---
Anyone have one? Just went for a physical today and my doctor wants me to see a cardiologist about a possible heart murmur. Hoping it’s nothing...just wondering if anyone has dealt with this before?

Sigh.

---

[Rant/Rave] I’m 87 pounds- and no matter what I eat i’m always hungry???
/u/astra2018
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:40:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lq81/im_87_pounds_and_no_matter_what_i_eat_im_always/
---
so i’ve been maintaining 87 pounds for a few weeks now. Doing really well and eating 1,300 calories a day, eating healthy and leaving a few hundred calories for unexpected stuff every day, or for some type of desert. (I don’t want to lose more weight because I still want to have some femininity in my body). Most days I am super hungry (like restriction hungry) even though I increased my intake by 500-600 calories every day, but it’s a bearable hunger. Today was a rough day for non ED reasons alone honestly. But just to make it worse, just when I had 400 calories left my mom brought McDonalds. And I was planning on making a salad, but I had to eat the McDonalds.......and honestly? It tasted sooo good. I haven’t had fast food- or anything relatively unhealthy in months. I felt like pre ED times in a way. And it didn’t feel like I was eating just to eat (aka binge), I felt like I was filling a void. As I was eating my stomach was still growling. And now- 1,500 calories later, it’s still growling- i’m not bloated, and I honestly could eat more if I wanted to. I’m still as hungry I would be if I ate an itty bitty salad. And honestly it scares me. My stomach is a bottomless pit. I was always hungry when I was restricting, but now I’m maintaining- so shouldn’t I be full right now?? Ugh. Idk, I’m just scared at my own body and upset at myself for eating that. I hate binges.

---

[Rant/Rave] Bf trying to help, makes it worse ugh
/u/Roseemacculate02
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lpu1/bf_trying_to_help_makes_it_worse_ugh/
---
Today me and my bf where trying to find a place to eat and I always have a hard time trying to think of a place I wanna go cause truth be told, I dont really ever want to eat and it causes me anxiety to even go out to eat at all. So we settled on tacos and he could tell I was obviously having a hard time. He means well... but went on to tell me how I shouldn't be worried about gaining weight and how my tdee was 1800 (which it's not its 1600 last time I checked, i think I'd know my own tdee lol) so i shouldn't worry about gaining weight and that as long as I'm eating "healthy" it's good. Also went on to talk about starvation mode and you gain weight blah blah blah ( why does no one believe us when we tell them you actually WILL lose weight eating less) anyways, it made me feel bad on different levels. One, he doesnt really know how this illness works. Two, seeing him concerned about me makes me sad, I know it cant be fun to watch your SO starve themselves. I've never told him the true thoughts that go through my head, like how I'd love to be a skeleton and/or die basically, or the lowest cals the better. I think it might be too disturbing to him... ugh, I just feel sad. Having to confront these thoughts from the point of view of someone who isnt disordered is really sad to me. But who am I without my ed? I'm not ready to say goodbye to it.
Ahh thanks to who ever actually reads this, you guys are the only people who understand these thoughts and feelings.

---

[Discussion] Accidentally Outed Myself
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:38:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lpqs/accidentally_outed_myself/
---
Had some new hires at work and he mentioned donuts. My idiot ED mouth mentioned that I just don’t eat those.

The conversation turned to what I do eat and for some idiot reason I decided to tell the truth. “Oh coffee and water for breakfast, then lunch is baked chicken and greens and maybe a grain...”

Coworker: “And that’s it?!”
Me: “Yeah, for lunch.”
Coworker: “Are you...trying to lose weight?”
Me: *forced laugh* “Oh no! I just naturally have a small appetite because I’m small”

Then I proceeded to talk all about the food accounts I follow on Instagram as if that proves I don’t have a fucked relationship with food.

So pretty sure I’m taking the cake for biggest dummy today 🙄

---

just discovered a new way to suppress my appetite!
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 113| LW: 110 |HW: 134|UGW: 105|19F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:32:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lobp/just_discovered_a_new_way_to_suppress_my_appetite/
---
c/s an entire family sized bag of chex mix! you won't feel hungry anymore because your mouth is on fire from being scratched to hell and your jaw aches so badly you don't even want to open it for food! the diet dr pepper i'm drinking right now is burning the roof of my mouth so badly i don't even think i can finish it. just little ED things!

---

Goddamnit.
/u/ImNotUnique____
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:26:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ln3x/goddamnit/
---
I just created an account to post things relating to my disordered eating and other related issues. I was SO sure that I was only curious about these subreddits. That browsing them intermittently...then more regularly...then daily was fine, I was *juuuust curious*.


But yeah, its not just that. I weighed roughly 180lbs at my highest, my freshman year of high school. Bulimia happened to cope with emotional issues. The weight loss spurred it on until around 18/19 when I found out I was having some circulation/heart issues, and needed just shy of about 20 fillings in my teeth.


I don't honestly remember how I found this subreddit. But it stuck with me. And I came back...because...well...originally, yes, it was curiosity. But the last few months have been overwhelming and I found comfort in this community.

I am in a comfortable relationship and it allowed me to gain back to 145ish lbs. Aside from my relationship, I feel like my life has been a mess. I feel disappointed in myself, for both the slow weight gain and many other things. But restricting and compensating... this has let me feel some victory.


And at the same time... I feel its *fucking duuuumb*, because I have plenty of other things to focus on or be proud about.


How fucking fucked.



Thanks for reading/minorly letting me rant. I don't "get things out" as much as I should.

---

[Other] Omg, I think we all need this
/u/sadbean17 [156 | 58kg | 24 | 18F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 19:21:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90llsm/omg_i_think_we_all_need_this/
---
Although im kinda skeptical of it?

*Processing img oqi9s1and7b11...*

---

Apparently I am not sexy anymore
/u/kittencatmeows1
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:45:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ldgl/apparently_i_am_not_sexy_anymore/
---
My not really boyfriend (it's so complicated) decided to tell me I'm not sexually attractive anymore. Apparently he thinks my body is sexy and that I am good at sex but my whole personality is just not attractive. He also said I act like his mother so yeah

Torn between buying a whole new wardrobe (one that I will hate because i am still a whale) and just starving until I feel better.

He says the problem isnt mweight, he hates me skinny but that's the only thing I can change. I don't feel like eating ever again

---

[Rant/Rave] Binge o clock
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:43:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ld32/binge_o_clock/
---
I’ve never had issues with binging in the past my ed is just revolves around restriction and I feel like I’ve been doing quite well recently (eating healthier, taking vitamins, finding a good calorie amount to eat) and today I finally understand what binging truly means. I’m so disappointed and disgusted in myself but me and my best friend kind of had a little fight today (I wouldn’t even consider it a fight) but that’s beside the point- and it ABSOLUTELY triggered me I just ate the rest of the pizza and I’m about to devour some more food because it’s been so long and I feel even more awful over the fight than the number on the scale I know I’m gonna regret this later but I just need to feel again

---

[Discussion] Experiences with alli?
/u/edthrowaway98
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:41:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90lcmc/experiences_with_alli/
---
Has anyone used alli? Would it be useful to take if i know i’m going to binge/have already binged? Thinking of combining it with laxatives in the future because hey, if i’m going to be glued to the toilet the next morning id rather have some calories come out with everything...

---

[Help] I feel empty, mentally and physically.
/u/mu514 [160 cm • 45~50 kg • F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:29:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90l9s1/i_feel_empty_mentally_and_physically/
---
I really did think a lot of my problems would ease up once I reached my goal weight. At least, that I would be better able to handle them and other stresses. Clearly, it didn't turn out that way.

ED aside.

It seems when something good happens, in the moment, I feel happy, but then I feel empty. I feel happy, but then it doesn't feel right. I am tired and lethargic and apathetic otherwise.

This is like the calm before the storm. I already know that I have severe depression, but what is happening right now is confusing me. I feel happy at times, yet ultimately everything feels empty to me. I'm no stranger to suicidal thoughts and attempts, but I thought I'd left those behind. Apparently not.

I've lost my purpose. I don't really know why I keep going forward anymore. I used to be motivated by a successful future with my SO, but it's no longer enough. Even though we are still together, I'm distancing myself from him and everyone around me. I prefer isolation because that is what is comfortable. It feels the safest.

I don't know if my ED is exacerbating this or not. Probably. All I know is that it would not be safe to keep om going this way. I'm lost and tired and starving for genuine happiness.

---

Does torso length affect bmi?
/u/spooky-cheesecake
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:20:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90l7pl/does_torso_length_affect_bmi/
---
I've tried to look this up and I've found some studies about how using sitting height for bmi is more accurate but I can't find out how to calculate that.

I am aware that I have body dysmorphia but it's still unsettling to think I may be bigger than the numbers indicate. I feel like I really need the numbers to have something objective, and then I find reasons to think they're still wrong. Ugh.

Just wondering if anyone else has thought about this or has any insight.

---

What’s the point
/u/SqueegeeOujia
Created: Fri Jul 20 18:04:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90l3tf/whats_the_point/
---
I already fucked up after weeks of working so hard and ate a bad lunch and then I had therapy that I honestly look forward to more than anything lately which says a lot. So I was thinking at least today could feel healthy in some way, but then what happens at least monthly happened again, where my therapist asks me to think about why I’m there or something along the line of just looking for my feelings I guess, but of course I take it personally and assume she’s asking me why I’m there because she wishes I wasn’t. And I already don’t want to be alive. I already feel like I’m this massive fucking burden. The idea of even my therapist not being able to stand me is almost comically unfair and also exactly what I expect and deserve. I don’t even know what I’m saying. I came home and I fought it but I finally gave up and I’m drinking when I really thought I was getting better and I wasn’t going to drink emotionally anymore. And I thought I quit cutting even though I do it so many times after swearing I won’t, but I’m already having that battle and I doubt I will win it tonight. And I’m looking at the week ahead trying to plan exactly how to starve the entire week because I refuse to kill myself until I hit my goal weight, and maybe somehow that magic number will make me want to be alive, or maybe I can fight to pass it and go far enough to damage myself enough to finally die. I don’t know why I’m writing this I just want someone to give a shit about me for once I’ll delete this like I delete all the stupid shit I post

---

[Discussion] DAES cook for other people to make themselves less hungry?
/u/chezpajama
Created: Fri Jul 20 17:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kyca/daes_cook_for_other_people_to_make_themselves/
---
I find that if I’ve not eaten all day, but I shop and cook for my boyfriend when he gets home, it resets my hunger/cravings.

It’s like the ritual is enough.

Tonight I’m making okonomiyaki for him, but I plan to have an apricot and 1/4 of a kinder bueno stick.. and probably a beer.

---

How do you numb yourself?
/u/itakethebus
Created: Fri Jul 20 17:21:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kt6r/how_do_you_numb_yourself/
---
Some people use drugs, alcohol, cutting, shopping, shoplifting, sex, starving themselves, etc. But for some reason, food is the only thing that works for me. I wish it was anything but that.

Sincerely,
Just another binge eater

---

[Rant/Rave] Can I just give a shout-out to this spiked Seltzer's trend? I wish all alcohol had calories listed on it
/u/MarieSage
Created: Fri Jul 20 17:12:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kqyv/can_i_just_give_a_shoutout_to_this_spiked/
---
https://i.imgur.com/59jT5vz.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Can I just give a shout-out to this spiked seltzer trend? I wish all alcohol had nutrition facts on it.
/u/MarieSage
Created: Fri Jul 20 17:01:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ko53/can_i_just_give_a_shoutout_to_this_spiked_seltzer/
---
[100 calories of grapefuity goodness](https://i.imgur.com/oGYuYiO.jpg)

---

Alright guys, dress up, who was it
/u/tuesdayschildis [5'7|132 lb|20.6|GW:125]
Created: Fri Jul 20 16:50:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kl1l/alright_guys_dress_up_who_was_it/
---
https://i.redd.it/y1d8yp4pm6b11.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Diet drinks.
/u/Flyingpapers [5'1 | CW:130 | BMI: 24.5 | SW:145 | 20 F ]
Created: Fri Jul 20 16:33:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kgu0/diet_drinks/
---
Nobody will ever understand my need for it to be diet, i just sat and cried in a toilet for 30 minutes because they gave me an 80 calorie drink instead of a 2 calorie drink and when i asked them to change it they said i needed to pay more, i feel like absolute shit and i’m kind of drink right now.

i’m moving flats tomorrow and i feel too fat to do anything, my eating has gone down the drain and i honestly just want to curl up into a ball and disappear.

sorry for the rant i love you guys so much

---

[Rant/Rave] just tell me i look unhealthy for once
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Fri Jul 20 16:32:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90kgm7/just_tell_me_i_look_unhealthy_for_once/
---
i dont look anorexic
i dont look unhealthy
i look healthy. i reckon i look around a bmi of 19 or 20.
why
why cant people see me and think im unhealthily skinny

even cutting remarks from strangers telling me to eat more or calling me anorexic would be fine

but im not skinny enough. when will i be skinny enough to look like i have a problem.

---

Help for the morrow
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Fri Jul 20 16:04:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k940/help_for_the_morrow/
---
y'all I know i cam preach to you and ask for the help so pls do an advise.

Need to lose weight. Motivate me not to eat lunch at work // have a milky coffee during my break. I really just need my 300 cal breakfast a cuppa at 12, and then running until dinner which will be 250cal max. right??rightt?!?!!?

How can I maintain motivation? I really must get down to 45kg and right now I won't because I am a fat-ass who doesn't deserve food.

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[Other] if i lived on the moon i’d only weigh 20 pounds
/u/ladytulips [5'7'' | 114lbs | 17.7 | -28lbs | 19F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:56:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k6r9/if_i_lived_on_the_moon_id_only_weigh_20_pounds/
---

---

The eating-on-dates nightmare continues
/u/eightstone [Height: 5ft 7 | CW: 8st 9lbs| BMI: 19 | Gender: F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:50:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k52t/the_eatingondates_nightmare_continues/
---
So my last couple of posts have been about anxiety related to eating on dates. I've just started seeing a guy and EVERY FUCKING DATE HAS TO CENTRE AROUND FOOD. He just wants to go to dinner, constantly. A very lovely helpful redditor here suggested I suggest a non-food date next, e.g., cinema, country hike. So, following this super advice, I suggested that tomorrow we go see a film at 8, but that I can meet him a bit before 8 if he wants to hang out and get a coffee first. He says, "great, lets meet at 7 and get food". WHY. FUCK. NO. I know it's not malicious but holy shit it makes me want to elbow him in the nose. Stop fucking feeding me, I am not a pet, I feed myself. If I want to get food, I will get myself food. Stop telling me when I'm going to eat.


Like a lot of us, I imagine, a lot of my food issues come from wanting to be in control, and having someone else dictate when and what I eat (he fucking ordered for me in the last restaurant and I was too nervous to tell him I wanted to pick my own food) just reminds me of being a kid and my horrible family meals and rigidly monitored food consumption.


This is mostly just a need to vent at people who will understand how fucking aggravating this is, but if anyone has any advice besides just never dating again, feel free to share. I think I'm not going to respond to the food message, and tomorrow when I turn up just say I've eaten a lot and just want a coffee and pretend not to have seen/registered the comment about getting something to eat. He just wants to get food at the cinema so it's the kind of relaxed bar-type environment where one person can have food and one not without it being too weird. He knows I'm studying through the day so I'm going to say I snack on a lot of junk while I study so I've ruined my appetite. He might end up catching on but fuck it.


I should add that besides this food-thing he's lovely. And this is going to be date #4.

---

[Discussion] does anyone here listen to elysiansoul?
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:49:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k4y6/does_anyone_here_listen_to_elysiansoul/
---
seriously i love her music so much. i have all of her songs downloaded and it’s almost all i listen to. it’s ed focused, mostly anorexic ideas with one song about purging. it’s really haunting and honestly i’ve cried at every song. i feel slightly less alone and it makes me so sad that she’s had to deal with this shit but at the same time i thank her for channeling these ideas into music because it’s not just “oh this song is vaguely about an ed and i can semi relate” it’s very obvious and i adore them. idk if anyone else listens to her but omg i love her music

---

[Rant/Rave] [Stupid brag alert] I finally broke a fast without binging!
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:44:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k3n5/stupid_brag_alert_i_finally_broke_a_fast_without/
---
I have started to fast because my weight loss has slowed down considerably, but every time I break it, I end up eating a metric fuck ton of calories, basically making the efforts worthless--at least compared to low restriction.

Tonight I just got too hungry but instead of going to get junk food, I made 2 vegan hotdogs (200 calories) with mustard (45--I overestimate). It was keto so I won't leave the fasting state, and I can jump right back in! I am completely full and ready to continue. Just wanted to brag/rave. :) Thanks for listening.

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I'm sick and compensating for my body wanting more calories by not counting coughdrops
/u/morco99
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:43:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90k37k/im_sick_and_compensating_for_my_body_wanting_more/
---
I'm ridiculous. I refuse to eat over 900 calories, so instead I'm planning to consume ~100 calories in cough drops, Motrin and gummy vitamins today and not count them. It worries me, but I know 1. I couldn't eat enough sugar-free ricola cough drops to gain weight, and 2. I would never regularly "binge" on cough medicine.

This is my idea of taking care of myself while I'm sick

---

Anorexia recovery and exercise
/u/iamthrowawaymyshot
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:25:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jydp/anorexia_recovery_and_exercise/
---
This is something I posted to r/bodyweightfitness recently. I would greatly appreciate from other ED sufferers who understand that this could also become compulsive/ED behavior.

I have been wondering about whether I should continue bodyweightfitness while in eating disorder recovery. I started at the beginning of summer, while I was in a healthy mindset but then relapsed into my ED a little bit later in the summer. I'm currently in recovery. My question is should I continue working out, if I should take a break, when should I resume, or should I just stop because exercise can be triggering (although having a body I'm happy with would be the opposite). I'm pretty young (an early teenager), and underweight to the point where I bruise easily and my bones jut out.

Basically, should I continue exercising, or when if yes.

---

[Rant/Rave] Change In Plans
/u/_Pulltab_ [ 5'7" | CW 177| BMI 27.7 | -18 |GW 135 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:24:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jy4f/change_in_plans/
---
Omg. I had my food all planned out today based on where my husband said he wanted to go for dinner tonight and even ate today thinking I’d have some extra calories in my budget because I knew EXACTLY what I was going to get.

And now he wants to go somewhere else.

WHY? What a trash fire. Lol

---

[Rant/Rave] Doubting What Others Say + BDD Struggles
/u/bruised_ribs
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:22:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jxc4/doubting_what_others_say_bdd_struggles/
---
Ever since I was little, my family always said I had the body of a model.

Yes, I'm naturally thin, and yes I have long legs. That's about it for the "model" look. My family always says I'm so tall and I'm growing like a weed and that "I bet you're the tallest person in your class" when really, I'm pretty short (5'5"). Even my doctor says my height is above average. But how can that be when I'm shorter than the average based on practically any and all of my peers?

Speaking of doubting, I always doubt people when they say I'm thin. The logical part of my brain knows it's my BDD talking, but when I look in the mirror I see tree trunk thighs and a pregnant stomach. Some days my arms are twigs, other days they are thick branches. Some days my jawline could practically cut steel, other days it's nonexistant. Some days my fingers are bony and spindly, other days they are fat sausages.

Could my BDD just fucking pick a side already?

---

[Help] Safe food options in Philly and Indiana?
/u/cinnamonbicycle [5'2 | 91 | 16.6 |17f]
Created: Fri Jul 20 15:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jwxi/safe_food_options_in_philly_and_indiana/
---
In a little over a week my family and I are going on a big trip to tour some colleges in Indiana and Pennsylvania. I'm kinda freaking out because of how often we'll be eating out (likely at least once a day, maybe more). I was hoping some of you wonderful humans happen to be native to these areas and could share some safe spots or tips. I'm vegan and kinda health-obsessed, so restaurants that offer healthy stuff (preferably easily trackable on Cronometer) would be perfect.

If anyone has experience traveling with an ED, I could use your advice too. Basically, how can I travel without having a mental breakdown over food?

---

420kcal splurge
/u/PozitivePerson
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:53:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jota/420kcal_splurge/
---
https://i.imgur.com/iyCOONI.jpg

---

My body is defined by hunger.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:47:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jmvy/my_body_is_defined_by_hunger/
---
Almost every waking moment of every day, I hunger. Even when I eat foods that ought to be satiating (meat, vegetables, eggs), it's never enough. There are two times when I'm not hungry: when I'm fasting and when I'm binge eating junk food. The moments in between, I am almost always hungry.

I just want this to stop.

---

[Rant/Rave] Nothing like being jerked around on a string, amirite?
/u/ManicPixieBallerina
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:46:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jmrk/nothing_like_being_jerked_around_on_a_string/
---
My Nmom started playing money games with my account again, so I'm SOL on grocery money. I have enough for OMAD, so let's try this out.

---

2 cups of this + 1 cup of unsweetened cashew milk + 2 Truvia packets = 25 calories. It’s delicious and feels like a treat! Plus it’s a “wee” (ha) bit of a diuretic.
/u/thr0waway124816
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:30:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jhpy/2_cups_of_this_1_cup_of_unsweetened_cashew_milk_2/
---
https://i.redd.it/wfcltxbqx5b11.jpg

---

Chubby Face
/u/riggitywreckd
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:27:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jh06/chubby_face/
---
Does anyone have tips for us ladies with chubby faces but normal-thin bodies?

Ive always had chubby cheeks. However, it wasn't until I was my heaviest at 150lbs when I realized how fat my face was (I couldn't believe how out of control I let myself get). After that I started losing weight, now I hover around 115lb since last November. Sometimes it goes up (never past 120), sometimes I'm down to 110lbs (yay). Although my face is much smaller and I can see my cheekbones better... I'm wondering how much more weight I need to lose in order to get the look I want?

I want to be somewhere between 100 to 110lbs.

I'm getting a gym membership at the beginning of next month. I'm not exactly strict about what I eat (because I love food) but I eat small portions, slowly, to get full quicker. I'm wondering if there are certain foods I should be cutting out to get a thinner face? I drink a lot of water and tea to stay hydrated.

---

Art I made
/u/schizomaticly [5’5” | 🐄| -4 l lw 92lbs |F | 🌱 vegan]
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:26:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jgjw/art_i_made/
---
https://imgur.com/a/uxQ6t0E

---

Progress?
/u/KatieKat08
Created: Fri Jul 20 14:18:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90jeen/progress/
---
I'm definitely not as slim as most of you guys, but I had been before, around five years ago, I was sitting at 105 lbs after growing up in the 150s. My life got turned upside down, and I binge ate until i got to 230, and i just stepped on the scale today, and I'm finally under 220 again. I was at 217. I know it isn't much, but it feels good.

Just thought I'd share. Time to try and avoid calories at my Job now. Ha.

---

[Other] Me. After 1 gin. Trying to help the university.
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Fri Jul 20 13:55:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90j78n/me_after_1_gin_trying_to_help_the_university/
---
https://i.redd.it/rn0kep6hr5b11.jpg

---

Long shot, I know, but anyone else fasting for Tisha b'Av?
/u/deadestpoet
Created: Fri Jul 20 13:54:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90j6w8/long_shot_i_know_but_anyone_else_fasting_for/
---

---

Trying to up my intake, but...
/u/interstellarSpider [5'3 | CW: 97.8lbs | GW: 95lbs | BMI: 17.8]
Created: Fri Jul 20 13:29:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90izpz/trying_to_up_my_intake_but/
---
Like the title says, I've been trying to up my calorie intake for the last few days (from 1200 to 1300/1400) but it seems like as soon as I started wanting to eat more, I've just...completely lost my appetite? Has this ever happened to anyone else? It's almost like my body suddenly has a mind of its own and is just not interested in food at all.

---

[Goal] Raw Vegan
/u/diamaria93
Created: Fri Jul 20 13:25:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90iypd/raw_vegan/
---
Sooo a couple years ago I was 167lbs I lost the weight from vegetarian to raw vegan and then back to vegan and I got down to my lowest weight which was 105lbs. I’m 5’9 so at 105lbs I felt extremely light and dollish. My attitude was pretty bad however because I knew and felt I was skinnier than everyone else and also in modeling competitions I’d joined. After a while I headed to NYC for modeling and was told I’d been switched out for another model who was taller with my same measurements. It crushed me and I binged all the back up to 135lbs and became a comfy hippie junk food vegan. Yet over the spring semester I lost it all and had a slight break down stopped eating for a week spent time in the hospital. Later now I became raw vegan with intervals of intermittent fasting cheat days I’m raw till 4. Now I’m down to 119lbs . My partner worries a lot about me but I secretly do still struggle with loving myself. I felt and looked so cute at 105lbs I really want to get back down. But his family watches me and my partner we go out have fun bar time which means I get buzzed easily and then have to eat something to help me not feel ill. I don’t know what to do I run everyday but I’m still struggling to get down to that low weight.

Please help. What should I do?

---

[Discussion] Vegetarians/Vegans: Do you ever worry that faux meat is real meat?
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Fri Jul 20 12:55:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ipcy/vegetariansvegans_do_you_ever_worry_that_faux/
---
I considered putting this in r/vegetarian but didn't think they'd identify with my weird foodisms, like y'all seem to.

It's been about 3 years since I've eaten meat. In the beginning I hated faux meats because I thought they tasted gross. I've since completely forgotten what real meat tastes like. I recently tried Gardein's mandarin chick'n and it was amazing but I couldn't eat it because it looked like real chicken and tastes like what I think I remember real chicken being and my crazy self if worried that it's actually real chicken.

Does anyone else ever have these thoughts? How do you overcome them?

---

[Rant/Rave] I FUCKING SUCK.
/u/wrappedinlust
Created: Fri Jul 20 12:52:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90iolj/i_fucking_suck/
---
So, i was in my six day of fasting, i was going to fast for ten days but at lunch MY PARENTS MADE ME EAT FUCKING PASTA WITH CHEESE AND I COULDNT STOP EATING AND HAD A HUGE BINGE AND ATE BIRTHDAY CAKE TOO.
Why am i like thisssssss

---

My mother when I was 16:
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Fri Jul 20 12:14:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90icvt/my_mother_when_i_was_16/
---
One day aged 15/16 (probs around 63kg, same height, just easing off purging for the first time) I was readjusting my dressing gown when my mother said "Ha, you will NEVER be a model!"

Of course being a model wasn't one of my goals, and never has been / will be, that wasn't the most pleasant of comments someone could have made.

ANYWAY fast forward to now, aged 21, and I am very frequently asked to model for my university, and appear online, on all the information guides, and even in pictures of some meeting rooms.

Of course, my mother knows this because she collects all of the things with me on them. My last adventure was a promo vid just the other day and once I told my mother she said "Oh, part time job as a model now as well!!"

THERE U GO MUM. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE A MODEL. I WANT TO BE A PHYSICIST.

---

[Other] Fucking up my appearance
/u/psychedelicpeach
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:55:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90i74m/fucking_up_my_appearance/
---
I just *binged* on so many club crackers and french fries but the only reason I’m not purging is because I want my teeth to be white and pretty :/ I’m so artificial

---

[Discussion] smokers, what are your fav low cal pairings?
/u/ricemask [5'6" | CW: 150 | -3 | UGW: 115 | 20F | 🍑: riceemask]
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:46:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90i4d4/smokers_what_are_your_fav_low_cal_pairings/
---
So I picked up a Juul because social pressure and literally everyone that works on Capitol Hill smokes for lunch. I’m dropping weight like a leaky bucket but I’m trying to cut down on smoking. Obviously I love the weight loss affects, but what do you guys usually pair with a ecig/cig? I tend to drink ice coffee and usually a cig with my coworkers but I would like something to be a bit more tasty so I can cut out the oral fixation.

---

STOP. COMMENTING. ON. MY. BODY
/u/UnderseaK [5'7|cw: 145lbs|gw: 110lbs]
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:28:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hymc/stop_commenting_on_my_body/
---
My stupid mother is driving me up the freaking wall. I thought she'd be able to torment me less from 1000 miles away, but apparently not. The last time we spoke, she was nagging me about how I "look so anorexic", "look so sick and terrible", and pestering me to eat more.


BUT LAST NIGHT I sent her a picture of me in a new dress that she had sewn for me. She is an amatuer seamstress and the dress was thrifted and needed some work. So I sent her a picture to show her how her work paid off, and her immediate response was "Oh my gosh! You look so beautiful and slender, like a model!".

I know she means well, but for heaven's sake. Am I sick and awful looking, or beautiful and modelesque? She always did this when I was a kid too, telling me I was skinny and beautiful one second and then telling me I was "getting big" the next. I wish she would just not comment on my body at all, it makes me so uncomfortable.

---

[Other] constantly freezing in lecture.
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|~117|23F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hy4u/constantly_freezing_in_lecture/
---
https://i.redd.it/88tqe3b115b11.jpg

---

What body moisturizer do y'all use?
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:24:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hx9r/what_body_moisturizer_do_yall_use/
---
We all know one of the many undesirable side effects of not eating enough can be dry skin. How do you keep your skin moisturized? What brands/products work for you?

---

Spotify knows - this song hit hard, thought you guys would love it
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:17:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hv7p/spotify_knows_this_song_hit_hard_thought_you_guys/
---
Hopefully this is allowed. This song came up on Spotify today in the “things you might like” section. It’s very clearly about an ED among other things. Only slightly concerning that even Spotify seems to know....

smaller - hayley gene penner

Let me know what you guys think ❤️

---

[Help] Enlarged salivary glands, anyone?
/u/min_imalist [5'0 | CW: 75lbs | BMI 14.3 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 11:13:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90htuo/enlarged_salivary_glands_anyone/
---
I'm putting a 'help' flair, but it's also a MASSIVE FUCKIN RANT and a discussion.

So, purging + extremely low weight (i'm dancing around ~30kg atm) has graced me with two ostrich eggs below my jawline, so now I constantly look like an angry frog.

Has anyone got any tips for making them calm their tits (apart from, y'know, getting my shit together bc that's the most obvious one)? Thank you in advance and I hope you all are having a great day, mood-wise, body image-wise, all-wise! Hugs!╰(*´︶`*)╯

---

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by rejection
/u/Happy_Holly87
Created: Fri Jul 20 10:40:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hjrk/triggered_by_rejection/
---
I went for an interview for a part time job, I’m taking a break from my masters and wanted to fill some time and earn some money as I’ve been home with the kids. everything seemed good during the interview, but they then ignored me for weeks. I called to ask for feedback and was told someone would call me back but they ignored me again. So today my husband was in the store and they were doing inductions for the new members of staff. Which means the other people got the job and have already started and they haven’t had the courtesy of letting me know (even though I knew deep down).

It brought it back a bit. I initially left school at 16 and started a job as a trainee hairdresser. I was in the job 3 weeks when I answered the phone to a girl saying she wanted to apply for the “trainee hairdressing job”. I passed the phone to the owner who instead of saying “the position has been filled” she said “can you come for a trial tomorrow”. I was told not to come in the next day so this girl could have a trial. I got a phone call at 5pm telling me the girl already had a years experience under her belt and was a better fit for the salon. This was probably the first time in my life I literally didn’t eat for days. In the end I went back to school and went onto University so it wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen. I just feel whenever I experience this type of rejection I honestly feel it is because I am fat, it makes me feel so sick and low and triggers off bouts of not eating 😣

---

aaaaaaand I'm back
/u/SmartOwls [F5'11 | CW:too much | BMI | GW:120 | ]
Created: Fri Jul 20 10:21:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90he5u/aaaaaaand_im_back/
---
So I was in a really bad spot in early April where I had gone 131.5 hours fasting and I was on a trip and getting married and pretty much ruined the whole thing because I was in a shitty mood and not feeling well. I made it to my lowest adult weight (128) but that’s it. Well that’s what I was when I got back from the trip, because I didn’t have a scale on the actual trip and I started eating again the day before we came back and inhaled pizza and chips and cookies and pasta and just all sorts of shit. So I don’t know exactly what my lowest was (which killed me tbh).

Then I tried to recover and I unsubbed to all the various weight loss subreddits that I was part of and tried to not weigh myself and to eat intuitively. Cue me gaining all the way back up to 145 fuck my ever loving life. At the beginning of July we went on another trip to see my SO’s family and I knew I couldn’t enjoy myself seeing them at my current weight as the last time they saw me I was at 137. So I struggled to get back into the restricting mode and barely managed to lose down to 138. I started off the trip great with a just under 48 hour fast, but my MIL insists upon everyone eating a sit down meal three times a day. Again FML. So I gained 5lbs on the trip.

I turn 30 at the end of August. Damnit I will NOT be fat and 30. Fuck that shit, so I’M BACK BABY! I’ve lost 3lbs in less than a week and I’ve been restricting and starting to exercise and just in general get my restricting mojo back. I used Losertown and Libra to figure out that to be at a goal weight of 125 by end of August I need to lose 0.5lbs per day. I can totally do that. I would need to eat 350 cals or less per day, but with ADF I can bump that up to 600 every other day which is much more reasonable.

I’ll be seeing the same family again at Christmas and my UGW for then is to be 110lbs. if I hit my goal of 125 by end of August, that gives me 115 days to lose another 15lbs to hit my UGW and that’s only 0.13 lbs per day, which again I think is doable. I’ve got this. I can do this.

Universe Help me

---

[Discussion] Where's my fellow vapers
/u/whataurban [6'1" | 155 | 19.52 | 0 | M2F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 10:11:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90hayh/wheres_my_fellow_vapers/
---
I'm always vaping on a flavor I mix up myself it's a combination of a blueberry lemonade with a jolly rancher flavored watermelon with a menthol kick except without the minty flavor.

---

[Other] Duolingo shade pt. 2: But where’s the lie? (P.S. please forgive my embarrassing, embarrassing typo)
/u/Stay__Hungry [5'6.5" | CW 128.4 lbs | GW 105 lbs | -25.6 lbs]
Created: Fri Jul 20 09:42:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90h1pp/duolingo_shade_pt_2_but_wheres_the_lie_ps_please/
---
https://i.redd.it/enxa2s0fi4b11.jpg

---

I purged last night and I have a question...
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Fri Jul 20 09:42:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90h1l5/i_purged_last_night_and_i_have_a_question/
---
Okay, so last night was the first time I have ever purged while completely sober. It went pretty well, I didn't feel a lot of strain or anything. But then this morning I woke up with little red marks all around my eyes... They look like burst capillaries I think. I've never gotten them around my eyes, so I assume it came from last night. Has this happened to anyone else? Is there a way to avoid it?

---

[Rant/Rave] Got my psych testing results back yesterday...
/u/miglie
Created: Fri Jul 20 09:25:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90gwqa/got_my_psych_testing_results_back_yesterday/
---
Bipolar disorder? No, probably not. OCD? Yes, in remission. ADHD? Kinda...? I can’t be officially diagnosed because I’m such a complicated case but regardless my psychiatrist thinks I could benefit from taking stimulants. And oh my gosh, I have been so excited, waiting for this for ages. Because of course while testing what medicines to try, I have to watch out for a reduced appetite, but little do they know that’s exactly what I want! 😈 Maybe I’ll finally get some help with the self control that I’ve been lacking this whole time.

---

[Rant/Rave] ED and the unknown is a really bad combination
/u/PandaApex22
Created: Fri Jul 20 09:10:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90gsbl/ed_and_the_unknown_is_a_really_bad_combination/
---
We are going to dinner at a friends tonight and I have no idea what we will be eating and it’s stressing me the fuck out cause now I can’t plan, so I guess I won’t be eating anything until then. :-/ ED’s make having a life really hard and I really hate it.

---

[Help] Stopped long term use of Duromine
/u/RatchetButtons [5ft9 | CW 64.6Kgs | BMI 21.2 | GW: 60kgs | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 09:05:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90gqr0/stopped_long_term_use_of_duromine/
---
I have been on Duromine on and off for the past 4 years. I have been on it this time for atleast 4 months and decided to stop for good as it literally started feeling like poison. I was going to lower the dose before stopping but I couldn't bring myself to keep taking it.

I have so far stopped for 3 days and feeling like absolute shit. Tired, depressed and soo hungry.. I had a bulimic episode for the first time in years today.

Does anyone have any experience or advice? How long will I feel this way? I am so scared of putting on heaps of weight (I know I have already started to) and intend on going back to restricting but I am scared I will feel like this forever.

---

[Help] Is it okay if I am not ready to recover in ED?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Fri Jul 20 08:47:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90glgt/is_it_okay_if_i_am_not_ready_to_recover_in_ed/
---
I am not ready. I feel like I can wait for a longer period of time to get myself ready. I just can't do it now.. Not sure what to do, but just kind of wish I don't have ED in the first place or, sometimes I think, do I really have an ED?

---

to my mom, it probably wasn't a big deal but i feel hurt.
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 181 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Fri Jul 20 08:40:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90gjh9/to_my_mom_it_probably_wasnt_a_big_deal_but_i_feel/
---
she was filling out health forms online for me for the upcoming school year and there was a page that asked me to fill in yes/no for whether or not i had any of the listed conditions (diabetes, heart palpitations, asthma, etc...) we kept on responding no until we got to one that said "had ever received any psychological treatment". while i never went to a psychiatrist, i had to talk to a therapist for two years about my self-harm and depression. i don't think she meant any harm by it but i was thinking about checking "yes" when she said, "do you.. just want to not mention it?". i think that comment came from an assumption that all the issues i dealt with are completely part of the past and i'm completely recovered now but that couldn't have been further from the truth. i also feel less inclined to tell her about my eating disorder as that was something i considered doing before. there was another thing listed in the form that asked whether or not i had ever dealt with an eating disorder and i immediately clicked no. it's so exhausting to have to pretend i'm okay all because i don't want to burden my parents. especially when they consider all the weight loss i've experienced so far a good thing.

---

Struggling with duromine
/u/PenMorrisek
Created: Fri Jul 20 08:25:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90geza/struggling_with_duromine/
---
Hey I'm back,
So during my hiatus I gained 12 kilos. In a desperate attempt to get back on track I got a script for duromine.
I did a lot of research before hand so I would be ready for the (potentially hard core) side effects.
It's day 2 and I feel nothing, I still get stupidly hungry and eat way too much. It feels like failure. I'm such a pig even legal speed can't curb it.

.
Just to clarify, I'm not after medical advice or anything. Just some support and I'd like to hear your stories.

💜

---

[Rant/Rave] Sometimes feel like my BF low-key enables disordered behavior
/u/JadeChaosTheory
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:57:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90g777/sometimes_feel_like_my_bf_lowkey_enables/
---
My bf and I are going through a phase where we’re not interacting much. I’ve been restricting a bit lately.
so last weekend I saved up my calories all day because I wanted to go for a walk and get ice cream with him because i want to spend more time with him this summer. He said no because I’ve been “doing so well and it’s not healthy”. I got furious at him cause like, wtf? Who are you to make that decision for me? I should have said that but instead i stormed out and went for a walk alone. (I didn’t end up having ice cream, I just wanted to clear my head).


he thinks he’s being helpful when he tries to “enforce” my “healthy eating” by commenting on food purchases or declining my requests for stuff like this as if i didn’t plan for it. It ends up kind of triggering me. I hate when he gets in my business. And I’ve t let him before when he does shit like this it makes me not want to talk to him about it.

The other part is he is very attracted to skinny girls and he wants me to be skinny even if he doesn’t say it to my face, but i can tell. He always comments on my attractive skinny coworkers and “jokingly” tells me to invite them over more.

So i feel like his “enforcing” habits are sometimes selfish on his part. I’ve had friends at work make comments of legit concerns about my restricting and when I mention what they say to him he tells me that they’re stupid and to not listen.

I feel like he would happily tolerate or even encourage more disordered behavior from me if it means having a skinny girlfriend.

Sorry for the rant, it’s been eating at me this whole week.

---

For all my binge eaters out there
/u/carbaholicc
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90g65b/for_all_my_binge_eaters_out_there/
---
https://i.redd.it/ahsrkm10z3b11.jpg

---

Eating with friends
/u/elevenbravo274
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:50:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90g5al/eating_with_friends/
---
I don’t think my eating habits are super extreme, but they’re very different from my friends and family. I tend to eat very little (and I make sure what I do eat is very nutritious). I want to eat small/ healthy without raising suspicion, but it’s hard when my friends eat anything without giving it a second thought. I get so uncomfortable when anyone points out the amount of food I eat, and I don’t want to be a buzzkill or seem high maintenance so I try to eat a little unhealthy food to get them off my back. Does anyone have tips for how to look “normal” when eating with friends?

---

[Help] What do i do?
/u/swankarma [5'5 | CW: 132 | 22 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:43:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90g3dc/what_do_i_do/
---
So my family have noticed that i’m losing weight quickly, and they still think I’m on a diet, so my older sister told me that she wanted “to follow my diet and eat exactly what i eat” so she can lose weight too, (she’s overweight) and i don’t know what to do because they don’t know that i eat a maximum of like 700 calories a day and restrict a lot.
I just also don’t want my sister to get hurt or anything, or notice that i’m not eating very well and for my family to force me to recover because of that. I’m just not ready to recover. I played it off and told her to download an app called “lose it” and follow whatever they recommend for her to healthily lose weight. She refused and said that “she’ll watch me and eat whatever i eat”, and I’m not able to ‘fake’ what i eat to have her eat healthy because my anorexia definitely wont let me.
I just don’t know what to do, and i definitely don’t want her to follow the same path i did and end up with an ED because as you obviously know, its not a very pleasant experience.

---

Struggling to trust others with my food
/u/jnlh93
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:34:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90g0s7/struggling_to_trust_others_with_my_food/
---
Just ordered a light frappuccino (mini) but I'm not convinced it's light. Feel so shit and guilty.

Had a Pepsi Max from KFC yesterday (no food ofc) but was convinced it was regular Pepsi. My sister tasted it and thought it was Max but what if she just can't tell???

Surely if it makes my so full it isn't the diet one

---

[Help] Turning down food without hurting people's feelings?
/u/srh01
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:29:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fznz/turning_down_food_without_hurting_peoples_feelings/
---
I walked into the kitchen today after coming back from a shopping trip to see tons of groceries on the counter. Some of it is healthy (tomatoes, cucumbers), but there's also a big bag of potatoes, one of bread, and one of desserts. I'm heading into my sixth week at my host mom's house, and for the past ~week I've been turning down all the food she's made for me (to be fair, I always tell her I'm not hungry/already ate when she offers to make me food, but she cooks it anyway).

I can tell she's a little hurt by me rejecting her frequent offers, but I honestly can't eat right now. I buy diet soda and water (Jordan, where I'm studying abroad, doesn't have drinkable tap), and that's what I'm living off of. It's also getting harder for me to pretend to have eaten at school since my roommate has started keeping track of me at mealtimes and trying to make me eat (super annoying tbh).

How do you guys handle offers of food by well-meaning friends/family?

---

THEY FIT! They actually fit!!!
/u/ghost_khajiit
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:28:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fzgy/they_fit_they_actually_fit/
---
About 6 months ago, I bought a couple of bras from Lively and I could barely close them. The material was rolling up and pinching all over the place. Feeling undeserving of them, I put them back in the plastic and shoved them into the back of my drawer.


Today, I was digging through my drawer trying to find something to wear (because I need to do laundry REAL bad) and I found them again, and they FIT!!!! I'm so excited. Since I don't weigh myself, my measuring tape and my clothes are the only tangible indicators that I have. Happy dancing all over the place!

---

Something I've noticed about recovery accounts on instagram
/u/wannathrowyouaway
Created: Fri Jul 20 07:00:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90frwx/something_ive_noticed_about_recovery_accounts_on/
---
On mobile, can't flair.

This post might sound offensive, but it's just something I've noticed that doesn't seem "healthy" to me. I follow some recovery accounts on instagram and basically every one of these people went from anorexia to binging but it's okay because it's "recovery". And I understand they need the food to gain weight, but how is it normal to eat 4 bowls of cereal in a sitting? (Yes, that's something I saw on my feed). This girl had so much cereal and said it was okay because she's in recovery. And this is just an example.

Now, this post isn't to make fun of people who binge. I myself went from anorexia to bulimia, and that's exactly why I don't think that's a healthy thing or "recovery" at all.

---

You know its gonna be a good day when...
/u/strangerrrdangerrr
Created: Fri Jul 20 06:12:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fgel/you_know_its_gonna_be_a_good_day_when/
---
You wake up shivering, with a pounding headache and stomach cramps.

Been killing it (myself) this week.

5lbs down! ....18 to go......

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! July 20, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jul 20 06:12:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fge7/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_july/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for July 20, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

Daily Food Diary! July 20, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jul 20 06:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fgd1/daily_food_diary_july_20_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 20, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

Does increasing calories even make a difference?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:49:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90fb5u/does_increasing_calories_even_make_a_difference/
---
I was planning of having 500 calories until I reach GW1, then increase slowly to maintenance until I reach GW2.

But I'm having a hard time letting myself go over 300 because around 200 is just enough to not be hungry (two small meals a day when I'm the hungriest), and anything over is rather for 'fun' (fruits, candy, milk in my tea etc.) and I feel I don't deserve fun food if I'm still this fat.
I'm also scared that my appetite would come back if i eat up to 500 calories because I'd eat enough to get out of ketosis (which I want, I can't stand this keto breath).

According to losertown, it's like a week's difference in reaching my goal and if I ate a little more, I could probably move a bit more (right now I'm just sitting around all day, waiting to be less fat, lol) so it would maybe even out.

But it feels like so much. 200 extra calories is a lot of fruit, candy, enjoyment - I feel like I'm not losing weight if I'm not really hungry :/

---

I saw my mom for the first time in 3 months
/u/paavllova [🌸 5'5 • 99 lbs • 16.5 • f 🌸]
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:27:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90f6od/i_saw_my_mom_for_the_first_time_in_3_months/
---
One of the first things she said to me was 'have you lost weight?'

She commented on my jaw being sharper.

It made me so happy and I realized whatever plateaus or rough spots I may be hitting right now, I'm still better then I was 3 months ago, and I am so happy.

---

[Discussion] Please help?? How to drink without it turning into a all u can eat binge (pls help me!!)😵😵😵😩😩😩
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:23:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90f5wg/please_help_how_to_drink_without_it_turning_into/
---
Pls help. Every time I drink I eat over 2500 calories (and that is not including ALCOHOL CALORIES) . normally RESTRICT up to 700 cal p day. I really wanna relax and drink over the weekend with my bf but if I keep eating like this, I won’t be able to. Please help me. Signed, desperate

---

[Goal] Almost back to “normal”
/u/bddjkdbsbaka
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:19:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90f54e/almost_back_to_normal/
---
This morning I weighed myself and I was 155 lbs. My BMI is right at 25 and in 1 pound I’ll be back into a normal weight range for the first time in about 2 yrs.

Since I started weighing myself I’ve lost 20 pounds since I bought a scale for myself again at the beginning of June, and even more before that.

People keep asking how much I’ve lost. Or telling me how good I looked. I got back together with my boyfriend and after not seeing him for a few months he asked if I “lost a lot of weight” he said my face looked different. Customers have been commenting. Coworkers have been commenting. Family has been commenting.

It all feels kind of empty in the end. I carry weight decently, in clothes I can pass for an almost okay looking human being (I just need to tone up). I’m a pound away from what should be my first main goal, but i don’t feel much different from 165. I wish my body could just disappear. I’ll keep losing. I’ll keep eating the same way. The number on the scale won’t make me happy.

Does anyone else feel like you just have no real goal anymore?

---

Heart freaking broken
/u/Zongirl27
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:16:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90f4ip/heart_freaking_broken/
---
I have 2 little girls. 3 and 6. I've relapsed recently. I didn't think they were old enough to notice.

This morning, I was giving them breakfast and the little one tells me "I no eat breakfast like you Mommy"

It totally broke me.

I NEED to work harder. I'm eating an unplanned granola bar for breakfast sitting in between them. They WILL see me eat actual meals. I'm not going to log food in front of them anymore.

They are both in the lowest percentile for weight that they can be without being underweight, and I'm not sending them there.

I need high volume low cal food. Help.

---

[Help] Lowest calorie drink that also won’t get me too drunk
/u/DontLickIt88 [5’8”| CW: Land Whale | GW: 115 | 29F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 05:08:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90f2np/lowest_calorie_drink_that_also_wont_get_me_too/
---
Hi, it’s me, your favorite land whale. I’ve been gaining the past two days and almost back over 200. I’m planning on fasting all day today. I have to go out with coworkers at happy hour tonight to celebrate our intern being done. What can I drink that a) won’t be too many calories and b) won’t get me completely sloshed on an empty stomach?

Also, cross your fingers hard that I don’t poop myself on all the laxatives. I haven’t pooped in a few days, so I’m sure the weight is water/food weight, because I’ve been eating around 1000 calories the past two days, but I still need it to be out.

---

[Discussion] Reinterpreting negative symptoms of weight loss?
/u/Hielier [175,5cm | GW1: 59kg | GW2: 54kg | UGW: 49kg]
Created: Fri Jul 20 04:27:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90eubp/reinterpreting_negative_symptoms_of_weight_loss/
---
Whenever I start losing weight again there are some signals that for me are a "you're doing great", but that in reality there are harmful and negative symptoms. For instance, the last time I lost a lot of weight in a short period of time I started having horrible back pains and my doctor said it was because my back didn't have enough muscle to hold my spine and that it was actually deviating lol. I took it as a signal that I was going in the good direction. It also happens to me when I get deficient in some vitamins or when I start having fainting spells.

Do you have some sort of symptoms/signals that are objectively negative/harmful but that for you are positive because they indicate weight loss?

---

Confused about popcorn calories
/u/vintagetimetable
Created: Fri Jul 20 04:18:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90esns/confused_about_popcorn_calories/
---
So let’s say I weigh out 20 g of unpopped popcorn kernels... is the same after it’s popped (without oil obviously)? I read that when you pop kernels they lose kinetic energy and lose calories. Is this true?

---

[Discussion] Slimfast? Is it any good?
/u/ladydaft
Created: Fri Jul 20 04:16:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90esaw/slimfast_is_it_any_good/
---
Payday is coming up and Ive been watching a bunch of slimfast shakes in one of my local stores! They seem cheap enough ( £5 per 438g tub 🤪)

Ive seen good and bad reviews of them! I definately want to try the shakes. Have any of you tried them? If so did you drop a lot of weight?

---

[Goal] I’m buying a scale today.
/u/teahontas
Created: Fri Jul 20 04:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90erh8/im_buying_a_scale_today/
---
I was avoiding it, I knew that I’d become obsessed with weighing myself again; obsessed with the number.

I ditched the scale and decided to focus on ‘happiness’ rather than a silly number.

Hah.

I’m excited to have a scale again.

5’9” & 95 - that’s the goal.

---

Throwing away good food
/u/tomorrowcomestoday18
Created: Fri Jul 20 03:41:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90elvz/throwing_away_good_food/
---
If me before my ED self saw me throw perfectly good food to the trash, they would think I'm crazy. I was taught by my family to never throw food away unless it went bad and the fact that I would ever throw good food away is pretty... insulting. Even now I would still ask other people if they wanted the food but if they didn't, then I'd secretly throw it away. Before my ED I'd keep the food in the fridge but I'd just finish it off when nobody ate it. My old self would scream at me for "wasting food" but it's really the most wasteful when it's going to my body.

---

DEA break their plateau
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Fri Jul 20 03:29:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ejsy/dea_break_their_plateau/
---
And immediately start to binge.

Like is it self sabotage?

---

[TW maybe?] Coming out of a 6-month binge cycle.
/u/artificial-flavoring
Created: Fri Jul 20 03:25:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ej18/tw_maybe_coming_out_of_a_6month_binge_cycle/
---
So I started a new job in late January as an overnight worker, and I thought it'd totally help with avoiding food, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. I binged from the beginning of February up until just last week.

I only gained about 10 lbs. I was restricting to around 800 calories a day and had plateued, and with the new job and new stress, I switched to binging, often 2,000 calories or more a day.
I went from 112.5 to 123.

My question (I guess) is...
Shouldn't I have gained more? Is my TDEE just a lot higher than I thought it was? Or is that a normal amount of weight to gain when binging for 6 fucking months straight? I feel like I should be heavier. I'm still distraught by the weight gain, but I just feel like maybe it isn't as much gain as it should have been?

---

[Rant/Rave] What the fuck avocado?!
/u/Admiral-Lasagna
Created: Fri Jul 20 02:57:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90edyc/what_the_fuck_avocado/
---
Ok, so apparently I’m using my throwaway account to rant about fruit...

I lost weight for the first time in forever this week, so my day was starting pretty well. Then, I remember I bought avocados for some reason, and I go to check if their ripe. Turns out they are, and I’m thinking “hey, what’s the harm?”.


Well, it turns out an entire avocado is almost 400 calories. WHAT THE ACTUAL fuck?! 100g of lardons is 250 calories. I would’ve been better eating a container of pork fat...

So now my day is pretty much over, and I can only hope I won’t end up eating everything in sight and throwing it up.

Also I can’t believe that I, a grown-ass woman, am panicking about a fruit. I mean, I can believe it, but you’d think I would get my shit together at some point.

---

Yooooooo, restriction headache, nice to see you again!
/u/madeoneover
Created: Fri Jul 20 02:39:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90eawi/yooooooo_restriction_headache_nice_to_see_you/
---
Hah, finaly started restricting again after a long spate of binges, and sure as anything, got a headache. It's rubbish. Tbh it's the only thing I don't like about restricting. I like feeling cold and tired (esp in the summer!), And I end up weirdly proud of feeling light headed, but this stupid headache... Grrrr.

---

[Rant/Rave] Desperately trying to avoid a pizza binge
/u/girlinapanic [163cm | 57.6kg | 21.67 bmi | 2ndGW 54.9 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 02:11:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90e66j/desperately_trying_to_avoid_a_pizza_binge/
---
I got pizza for dinner (for the family) and it smells so good but I’m 118hrs into a fast and hadn’t planned to break until tomorrow afternoon (about another 20hrs) so that I’d have something in my stomach while out drinking. Haven’t had an issue with hunger or temptation so far but by god it’s calling to me.
The evil part of me is saying to just break early but I at least want to be able to weigh myself tomorrow morning. The good side is saying there’s stacks of leftovers, eat it tomorrow to break the fast. Just so frustrating.

---

[Help] tmi but pls help : constipation
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 119.9lbs | 19.1 BMI | -23lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jul 20 01:36:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90dzza/tmi_but_pls_help_constipation/
---
ok my people I am so sorry for this but I need help !!!

I can’t tell if this is from weird eating patterns, not drinking enough water or change in medication dosages or all of the above. Regardless here’s what’s been going on and I need your tips on what the fuck I should do

- The 13th - middle of the night at like 1:30am that day, I realize I need to run to the bathroom. Bitch I RAN. I then keeled over and experienced the worst pain of my fkn life (other than getting an IUD that was brutal but would do again unlike this), anyways I was dying and I’m used to having some digestive issues and episodes but nothing on this scale. I was in severe pain and couldn’t even stay on the toilet. I had to call my house to wake my parents up. Long story short I had to use my pets pee pads and I used like 3 and it was a messy time. I took a bath after and lost over a pound of weight. I basically gave birth, that’s what it felt like anyways. I slept basically the whole next day.

- The 18th, hadn’t pooped since that episode and I was supposed to go on a road trip (couldn’t) and I took half a dosage of restoralax the night before, and had also been eating lots of fibre for a few days. Didn’t work. Decided to do my last resort and do an enema. Ended up doing 2. Finally got some stuff out, mostly liquid but some harder bits and a few softer bits. Some discomfort and some pain but nothing substantial and I was able to manage well on my own unlike usual episodes. Had 5 of these mini episodes getting the whole enema out.

I still haven’t gone since then (48 hours) and I am getting really concerned. I also slept literally all night and day afterwards, and was dehydrated (next time gonna use salt). I took restoralax (full dose) and hopefully that’ll help.

What do you guys have tips for? What should I be eating that won’t freak me tf out? Do I just drink prune juice for the rest of my life? lol
I don’t want to like sh*t my brains out from a normal laxative but I also am very afraid. I also have no idea if I am even supposed to take laxatives with the medication I’m on and I don’t want to constantly rely on those. My psychiatrist said for now increase fibre and water.

Should I do another enema if that doesn’t work? What are your tips?

love, a very sorry that you had to read this, concerned girl with fucked up food issues ♡

---

[Discussion] Those of you who are recovered, do you feel panicky and uncomfortable when people talk about diets, weight, or exercise in front of you?
/u/throwaway42969x
Created: Fri Jul 20 00:58:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90dsc1/those_of_you_who_are_recovered_do_you_feel/
---

---

[Other] I need help coping with my ED in my relationship
/u/b0ss-dj
Created: Fri Jul 20 00:02:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90dh7g/i_need_help_coping_with_my_ed_in_my_relationship/
---
I've had EDNOS since I was about 14, I'm 19 now. I'm in my first serious adult relationship, things are great in our relationship but my ED is slowly becoming more toxic, started with occasional binging, then restricting without realizing it, and now once in a while I purge with laxatives and self harm too. Honestly what is hardest for me is my boyfriend seeing everything that is wrong with me. We live together so he sees everything I eat, every time I break down, etc. And I really just don't want him to notice anything because I don't want him to worry. I don't want him to think I'm going to die or something. He also tends to eat what I eat, which sometimes causes me to binge because I'll try to restrict and then he sees what I'm eating/the amount, and he tries to eat just that instead of eating something else that he might want more or eating more to satisfy him, so I binge so he will eat enough, even though I don't want to eat at all. I've noticed his eating habits are highly triggering for so many reasons, and I can no longer stand being triggered by it. He doesn't do it intentionally, he has no idea what he does. But I can't stand feeling the urge and need to restrict, having him watch what I eat then reflexively forcing myself to binge so that way he will eat more. If I have to binge one last time so that way someone else feeds themselves I will probably scream and have a mental breakdown. Yeah that sounds crazy but mentally ill people aren't known for being sane. I NEED to restrict, therapy, medication, treatment, etc. is not an option for many reasons. If I don't restrict I will probably self harm and purge really bad and I don't know how to respectfully get space from my boyfriend so I can.

Tl;dr: how do I respectfully tell my boyfriend "I need you to give me space about what I'm eating and not pay attention to it, or else I will fly off the handle and go insane"

---

Nothing makes sense about my weight
/u/onlyActing [5'10" | 168# | 23.5 | -65# | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 23:42:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90dd2q/nothing_makes_sense_about_my_weight/
---
I can't stand numbers and ratios and weights. I feel so insane. I ask my friends how much they think I weigh. 115#-130# as a range of answers. The 130 folk say, "well you are fit and have a lot of muscles, and that weighs more." Lately, my dysphoric body image has balooned from 260# to 320#. I'm 5'10", and currently my body has protruding ribs, no fat on my legs, defines calves, biceps, etc., My clavicle is visible, my pelvis is slightly visible, my acromia are jutting, you can pretty clearly see a lot of bones. I weigh just over 170# currently. I gained weight back from some treatment and therapy. I have lost dimension though. I just feel like nothing corresponds with each other and everything is just crazy and meaningless or I have completely lost touch with reality.

---

[Help] Vitamins
/u/spinach84
Created: Thu Jul 19 23:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90d8nd/vitamins/
---
What vitamins do y’all take? It sounds dumb but I wanna keep my body not completely malnourished.

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“”Healthy”” high calorie foods?
/u/perspica
Created: Thu Jul 19 22:44:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90d0n2/healthy_high_calorie_foods/
---
My friend has an ED, and in that “kinda recovery kinda not” stage. They probably fall into some anorexia/orthorexia combination. They’ll recognize they need to eat more, but will not eat anything buttery/oily/sugary. I’m already thinking of nuts and avocadoes, anything else that can be recommended that someone may be still likely to eat with disordered thinking? They’re so suspicious of foods heavy in fats :(

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[Help] Feeling weird about my body and not knowing what to do.
/u/ladeda1312
Created: Thu Jul 19 22:29:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cx86/feeling_weird_about_my_body_and_not_knowing_what/
---
So I've reached the point where I've become "skinny fat". I have 15 pounds left to lose, but I know that if I get down to that point, I will still have a lot of fat lingering on my body that I can grab. Most of that fat is staying around my belly, sides, upper ab area, inner thighs, and some on my arms. It makes me feel like I'll never be rid of it and I'll always view myself as a blob of a human. While I do seem to look smaller in clothes (sometimes I don't think this is the case and my brain is playing tricks on me), I want to be comfortable with less clothing or being at home with just some underwear on.

I'm just so frustrated, because why won't this fat just go away?? I feel trapped inside my body and I hate being able to grab a decent amount of fat. It makes me want to just rip it off. It's already difficult enough having issues with food and eating, but coupled with trying to change my body through restricting and not seeing the changes I want and thought I would have, I just want to cry.

Now I'm wondering what I can do? I've looked through so many articles about recomp, bulking/cutting, deficits, losing specifically body fat, etc. A lot of what I've read talks about eating at my body's maintenance calories to recomp while lifting weights and eating enough protein or bulking by eating a surplus of calories to build muscle while lifting and then cutting that through a deficit. I don't know if I can do either one.

For starters, I don't want to continue to be at this weight. I know it's probably just all in my mind, but I still have a goal number that I want to be at even though to get there, I know it's a combination of losing fat, muscle, water weight, etc. I just want to be at that damn number and to feel tiny. So doing a recomp wouldn't allow me to get to that number and I'm so close. As for bulking, I don't know if I could handle the idea of eating more calories to build muscle (also gaining some fat) and then once again going on a deficit to lose the fat. It honestly scares me and gives me a lot of anxiety.

Yet, going back to what I'm frustrated about, how do I just stop being skinny fat? What do I do? Has anyone else had this problem? What did you do to stop being "skinny fat"?

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[Discussion] Note to self
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Thu Jul 19 22:13:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ctnc/note_to_self/
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Lately I’ve been slipping and need the determination I had in the beginning of the month when I dropped 10lbs quickly. I’ve been snacking and eating bigger meals and I need to find the balance between binging and starving again. And I found it when I restricted. I loved the self control, I did it before and I can do it again I can do this I can do this I can do this.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like a huge fraud...
/u/uncommonlyaverage [5'3" | CW 100 | UGW 92 |19F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:58:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cq1n/i_feel_like_a_huge_fraud/
---
I love to cook and bake. I make really fancy cake and really nice meals for my boyfriend and my family. I post pictures of my cakes and creations all over social media. But I never eat the food myself. I feel like I portray myself as someone who enjoys food, but I loathe it. I never cook those good meals for myself. I never eat my desserts unless I purge them. I act like I eat these gourmet vegan meals when in reality I only cook like that for other people. I eat lean cuisines and oatmeal packets and shitty protein shakes. All my friends think I'm so lucky that I eat such good food, yet I'm "thin." I don't. I have an eating disorder, and I don't just eat healthy and exercise to look like this. I think I have a talent for baking, and I can't even enjoy it. It's one of the few things in good at sadly.

---

Here’s to 12 months of “weight loss” sponsored by disordered eating during my phases of BPD
/u/jersler
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:50:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90co9t/heres_to_12_months_of_weight_loss_sponsored_by/
---
https://i.redd.it/m17smcibz0b11.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE Brush their teeth often?
/u/bruised_ribs
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:40:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90clxe/dae_brush_their_teeth_often/
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I've found brushing my teeth satiates my cravings for a little bit and makes me feel full(??) in a way. But I also do this thing where I'll brush my teeth at like 7pm and use that as a reason for not eating. Does anyone else do these things or am I crazy?

Also I have braces so it's not like extra brushing is gonna hurt lol

---

When the fat girl gets skinny
/u/AhoyLaCroix
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ck7c/when_the_fat_girl_gets_skinny/
---
I went out with a group of people last night. I had not seen most of them in awhile. I've lost 25 ish pounds. Each and every one of them commented on my weight loss. I wanted to die. I ended up leaving early I was so uncomfortable.

I identify with this damn poem so much. https://youtu.be/16Tb_bZZDv0

Long time lurker, first time poster

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Is starvation mode real?
/u/subarremos
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:29:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cjiu/is_starvation_mode_real/
---
I remember going to the doctor when I was fatter and I wanted to lose weight because I had no idea about nutrition (I was 54 kg and I am 160 cm tall). The doctor gave me a 1100 calories diet. At that time I was doing judo and felt very dizzy after practice so I didn’t want to eat dinner. She told me that I must eat every certain amount of hours, even if its just a yogurt because if I don’t I would start actually getting fatter. I know she is a doctor, but it sounds really fake to me lol.. I thought it may have been a lie to prevent me from getting used to skipping meals??? Idk. What are your opinions on the subject?

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[Discussion] High vs. Low Restriction Preference?
/u/tobethinspo [5'0 (153.3 cm) | CW: 96.8 lbs | 19.62]
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:20:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90chet/high_vs_low_restriction_preference/
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Am I the only one who prefers high restriction? (To me high is 1000 to under my TDEE.) What is high restriction to you?

The big downside to it though is I feel like I'm normal and don't qualify for my EDNOS/ OSFED diagnosis (until I find myself bent over the toliet purging and then I remember oh yea I'm disordered oops.

I also feel like I loose just as fast mainly cause I'm so terrible at hardcore restricting and just end up binging

---

Milk Percentage Dream
/u/dachshundnvolleyball
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:11:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cf87/milk_percentage_dream/
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I'm just curious, has anyone had a reoccurring nightmare where they or someone else bought the wrong percentage of milk?

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I went out for the first time in months
/u/speedayyyy
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:07:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cees/i_went_out_for_the_first_time_in_months/
---
I’ve been very conscious about calories I’ve been eating and drinking for the past 3 months. Tonight, I ate about 500 calories and drank about 400. I still feel self conscious. Although I weigh the same before I went out, I actually ate food today. Apparently I got hit a lot without noticing but I still think my body is disgusting. My BMI is still overweight...

---

Is starving mode real?
/u/subarremos
Created: Thu Jul 19 21:04:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90cdm5/is_starving_mode_real/
---
I remember going to the doctor when I was fatter and I wanted to lose weight because I had no idea about nutrition (I was 54 kg and I am 160 cm tall). The doctor gave me a 1100 calories diet. At that time I was doing judo and felt very dizzy after practice so I didn’t want to eat dinner. She told me that I must eat every certain amount of hours, even if its just a yogurt because if I don’t I would start actually getting fatter.
I know she is a doctor, but it sounds really fake to me lol.. I thought it may have been a lie to prevent me from getting used to skipping meals??? Idk. What are your opinions on the subject?

---

Surprise! Model trigger
/u/Jenny_Roberts
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:50:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90caal/surprise_model_trigger/
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Didn't expect this was gonna happen..

I was going through some old drawings from my figure drawing classes (art student!) and was shocked to find my own drawings of the extremely thin models the Prof brought in.

I had about 15-20 large pictures of these gorgeous, mostly underweight girls, in just their panties. I drew their sharp shoulder blades, their ribs, the way their hip bones jutted out, their thigh gaps, their cheekbones. How sunken their stomachs were, dipping in like a valley, being sucked into their skeleton.

Its weird seeing those bodies and being struck not by technical and professional indifference, but with a pang of inferiority and disbelief that girls so lovely could exist in real life, their bodies on full display so I couldn't pretend that it was the clothing that made them look so perfect.

Just weird to see the same images, and to have a totally different emotional reaction.

I had BED while in that class, but didn't restrict ever and had remarkably good body confidence. Now I'm fat and am finally feeling how far I let myself go and am dismayed at how I'm wasting my youth obsessed with food.

(Why were their only underweight models? Idk, but the Prof. Hired those who applied for the position, and I guess you had to have a lot of confidence.)

---

[Rant/Rave] I was so happy to be away from ana but she’s back
/u/EvenRainbowsScream [4'11 | SW:117| CW:106 | GW:85 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:39:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90c7ke/i_was_so_happy_to_be_away_from_ana_but_shes_back/
---
I was finally able to gain back some weight and be my true happy self but after my second hospital visit and countless issues in my relationship, I’ve realized ana was always with me. I would be against this but for some reason, this just seems right. I don’t deserve to eat, I don’t deserve to be happy, I don’t deserve love. The only “person” who can give me that is ana and I’m more than happy to welcome her back in my life.

Let’s see what she has in store for me this time.

---

People currently restricting: how much do you spend on groceries?
/u/mvemjsun00
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:22:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90c3oo/people_currently_restricting_how_much_do_you/
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This is my second time going grocery shopping since I moved out of my parents house and I found that I spend about 25$ for food that lasts me about 2 weeks. I’m wondering how this compares to everyone else? I tend to buy mostly cheap, carby food because of the cost efficiency and that’s what I like to eat

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Romantic rejection is great for motivation 😂
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:09:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90c0iw/romantic_rejection_is_great_for_motivation/
---
I'm not 100% sure if I got rejected by this guy yesterday or not but I took his aloofness kind of hard. Today I'm fasting and it has given me the motivation to double down on my efforts. Maybe he will be more attracted to me when I lose another 10 or 20lbs.

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[Tip] Micro dosing mushrooms
/u/penny_pickle [5'10" | CW146 | bmi20.66 | GW129 | 28F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:05:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bzi3/micro_dosing_mushrooms/
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Just want to say, every time i take a small dose of mushrooms, i look in the mirror and feel pretty. I just gained a bunch, but i look in the mirror and what is this? I approve of my jaw line? I can imagine the lines of my body being appealing? It's like the dysmorphia melts away. 10/10 would recommend.

---

Has your ED made you asocial?
/u/starfighter_slim [| BMI: 27.4 | ]
Created: Thu Jul 19 20:01:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90byh8/has_your_ed_made_you_asocial/
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by that I mean who else has almost no friends and doesn’t visit neighbors cuz you know they’ll make you eat?

Seriously the last time I went to a party I didn’t eat at all i just sipped vodka. I didn’t wanna go but I was invited and although I did enjoy myself, i was the fattest one there. Killed me. Before that was 3 yrs ago after a funeral where i had just coffee and VERY small portions if food. And whaddya know, I WAS THE FATTEST YOUNG ADULT THERE.

It’s no wonder I never want to be seen.

---

[Rant/Rave] The “big girl” comment.
/u/spacekookiyo [5'4 | CW: the fat friend | -40 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:55:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bx21/the_big_girl_comment/
---
Anytime someone says someone is a “big girl” or “bigger girl” I immediately want to ask them what they mean in comparison to me. I’m not skinny but in my mind I qualify as that description. Anyone else have these same feels?

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Just floating by...
/u/Firerose157 [5'4" | 110 | 18.9 | hw 146 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:52:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bwac/just_floating_by/
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Lately ive noticed intimacy and being checked out makes me want to cover up and scrub my skin. I feel like washing myself but the thought of being naked feels too intense and vulnerable - when he squeezes my legs and ass, i feel the need to squeeze the fat harder to remove the feeling of having just been touched. I wear baggie shirts because im undesicive about my breasts and hate them more daily knowing they will never grab your attention and attract you the way silicone does. I lay in positions that emphasize the fat in my lower half to try to entice you the way I did when I was "thick". I hate my fat legs that i dont think have changed but miss the way you watch my every move at my higher weight. I look at my ass and hear your words again. I ask you to take a pic of me from behind in my new jeans. You say, "you need to eat more first". My brain says youll love me again when im thin. You sneek and lie about it, you watch thick women and prefer them to get off. You want fake and curvy but my head says everything will be better when im thin...

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I can't even eat a tiny packet of strawberry jam without being policed.
/u/boldheart
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:48:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bv8q/i_cant_even_eat_a_tiny_packet_of_strawberry_jam/
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I can't eat anything (even leftovers which usually go bad) without my mother/brother becoming extremely accusatory of who ate it. The little packets of strawberry jam (like ketchup packets) ran out and my mom was yelling wondering who ate them. Turns out my brother mostly did, so there was no issue.

But because I've always been overweight, everyone assumes I ate whatever is "missing". Graham crackers no one liked, cereal that's been on top of the fridge for weeks, even diet cream soda (which I didn't have ANY of) that was bought for the whole family and finished by my brothers.

I can't fucking eat anything without FEELING my weight. Every little thing I try to eat gives me anxiety.

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[Other] Baby food is my new go to. *mini grocery haul*
/u/Maddreams92 [5'5 | CW:121 | 20.1 | GW: 112]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:28:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bq1k/baby_food_is_my_new_go_to_mini_grocery_haul/
---
https://i.redd.it/l034qqwu90b11.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Why is this okay? (just a rant)
/u/hairturban [5'6 | 132lb | 21.3 | -51lbs | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:21:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bofc/why_is_this_okay_just_a_rant/
---
I was absolutely given buckets of shit at work yesterday due to my weight-loss - why is it considered okay to make comments about my body for being "too thin" and not for me to tell someone when they're "too fat"?

I'm attempting recovery from bulimia, and they only way i can not lose the plot with my body image is to diet the "healthy way" i.e. high restriction & exercise.

The boss making comments about how i'm perfect now and they'll start bringing in scales to weigh me each week if I keep losing is beyond inappropriate, a regular customer made comments asking about how much i weighed now and they I looked "emaciated" (I'm still fucking 6kgs away from even being considered remotely underweight!!).

I ended up eating a fuckload just to prove I was okay, then when and purged it in the bathroom later.

This is unfair, I feel like I'm being sabotaged in my journey to recovery and hate that I felt like I needed to prove myself to get them off my back... Little do they know they fucking just resent me down my old rabbit hole.

I'm not even actively trying to lose weight anymore, I feel like everyones just at me. Even when I try do it the (mostly) healthy way I'm given shit.

Why can't people stop projecting their shit onto me :(

---

This is my first frantic binge in over a month.. and I’m still going. It hurts and I hate this and I thought this was over
/u/Highoffempty [5'9|CW: 143.3 | GW: 120 | UGW: 106 |Lbs lost: 16.7]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:14:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bmow/this_is_my_first_frantic_binge_in_over_a_month/
---
Currently trying to put an end to the truly frantic binge in over a month. I keep eating. It hurts. I’m stuffed. I was doing so well.
Why does my brain self sabotage me???? I don’t understand.

Why am I eating?? I’m not sad or stressed or angry. It is out of the blue. I’m just grabbing things and I hate it I don’t even like it and I keep going.

The same brain that tells me I’m disgusting and fat and makes me restrict makes me frantically eat and act like a pig.

Am I really back to hiding my binges and hiding evidence because the amount is absurd??

Please universe let this be a one time thing. I honestly can’t go down this awful spiral again and the self hate. I was JUST starting to hate myself less. I honestly don’t think I can go through the circle again of gaining and losing. Why am I caught in this mind numbing circle? Why can’t I just focus on my “goal” and exhibit self control??? Why can’t I just turn off the switch?

Oops, I guess that’s not allowed.

---

[Other] Salt Water Flush
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 132.2 & BMI: 20.1 | GW:115 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:13:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bmdq/salt_water_flush/
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I’m doing a salt water flush and I just drank my 32 oz of salt water and it feels like I’m going to be sick. Everything I read said to drink it fast but it took me like 30 mins and I’m ready to vomit everywhere. I know logically I’ll mostly lose water weight so idk why I’m doing this but if it makes the scale go down then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

---

[Intro] Hi.. I’m new, scared, hungry, and ashamed
/u/lostinthismind
Created: Thu Jul 19 19:03:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bjyf/hi_im_new_scared_hungry_and_ashamed/
---
I’m new to this sub but I’ve had an ED for... 9(??!!) years now. Since I was 14 and first opened that door to starving.

I’m now married, a mom to 2 wonderful weirdos, and am best friends with a dog. My kids are quite young (as am I, honestly), my youngest is almost 4 months old and my oldest is still a toddler.. but he is physically disabled and wears prosthetics. His condition is rare so I’m not going to go further into it to protect his privacy ❤️.

I gained a ton of weight (100 pounds) and a ton of scars (stretch marks and a lot of self injury) during my pregnancies and my oldest sons surgeries. The depression was too much and I completely lost control. I’m still battling the trauma I suffered when I was raped as a terry young child and again molested at 16 by my best “friends”. My mind is so fucked up that even the military discharged me after 3 months of training (I joined when I was 17 and in the worst parts of my disorder). There’s also something fucking weird about my bones that causes them to be very dense and therefore heavy.. I’m 5’6 and my lowest weight was 119 but my BF% was 5. It’s a hereditary thing..also very rare. I’m also told by doctors that I’m “lucky” because I’ll probably never have a chance at breaking a bone; but they aren’t in my head. I see those high numbers on the scale and feel that terror take hold but I don’t know why.

I’ve lost about 30 pounds from my highest weight (but I was pregnant so it doesn’t really count) and I’m now about 215lbs. I know, I know..

We were in a hotel yesterday and they had one of those fucking mirrors that is actually a collapsable closet door so if you position your body between two of the mirror slates, you look ridiculously thin. It triggered the fuck out of me.

I started taking laxatives again a few days ago and it feels so good to purge all the crap in my system. I e never been able to make myself throw up so at least bulimia isn’t a risk..

I binged like crazy 3 days in the past week so it’s safe to say I’m screaming inside and feel like I’ll never recover.

I have so many clothes I want to wear in my closet but I’m too fat for.

I have my favorite ever chocolate stored in my dresser under my “thin” workout clothes so I have a reward when I can fit into them again.

I’m getting the Fitbit Versa once I lose 40 pounds from 230 so about 25 more to go.

I feel bad for my kids. What kind of fucked up mom is like this.

Thanks for reading.

---

[Discussion] Fellow restrictors, what foods are you missing right now?
/u/Sockapoodledoo
Created: Thu Jul 19 18:53:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bhb9/fellow_restrictors_what_foods_are_you_missing/
---
I just need to talk about how much I miss French fries. I would eat so many fucking French fries right now.

Also chicken tenders. With good dipping sauce. Preferably tenders and fries together. Or, the fried chicken club toaster sandwich from Sonic sounds particularly good. With fries.

Also I could go for a hella good cheeseburger. Also with fries.

And like 10 chocolate bars.

LET IT OUT. GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST.

---

[Help] Trying new things at a gym - how do you deal with the social/anxiety aspect?
/u/MrAmaretto
Created: Thu Jul 19 18:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90bcn6/trying_new_things_at_a_gym_how_do_you_deal_with/
---
So I've been wanting to include some weight workouts into my life (and hopefully eat more and look better????) but, like many of us, I'm really self-conscious about going to the gym and doing it. I have videos to help me, but it'll still take those first awkward sessions to really get the hang of it, obviously. And it's not like I can do "practice runs" at home, since I don't have weights and stuff here.

I'm posting this in this sub because loseit, fatlogic, and the like are all "no one's looking @ u! just go!" nahhhhh brah.

So guys, knowing the majority of us are super sensitive to how we look to others, how have any of you dealt with trying new things at the gym when others are around?

(P.S. I also have a nasty knee injury at the moment so I'd only be able to do things that don't involve squats/lunges which makes it not only shittier and slower to start, but also more embarrassing lol fml)

---

[Help] im manic and out of control
/u/painxiety [5'5" | 116.5 | 23 F ]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:53:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90b21q/im_manic_and_out_of_control/
---
drinking heavily, cant sleep at night, no control over my eating (not bingeing but i dont have discipline), just walked out on my job that i only had to work 2 more shifts until my 2 weeks notice was up, cant bring my hyperactivity under control.

i dunno if this even is okay to post here. i am so out of control but i dont know how to come down.

---

[Rant/Rave] I miss going to a restaurant and choosing what I want.
/u/biztit [5'8" | 123 | 18.5 | female]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:48:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90b0t5/i_miss_going_to_a_restaurant_and_choosing_what_i/
---
Idk about y’all, but I love food. I’m not going to hide that. I’ve loved food since I was a kid and that’s not going to change.

I went to dinner with my boyfriend yesterday and it was awesome because it was date night and I love him beyond words. I was looking at the menu at all of the options, but of course I looked at the menu beforehand and chose one of the “light” meals beforehand. The menu was so exciting. There were so many sides, and dishes, and appetizers, and I miss being able to just pick what sounds GOOD. I haven’t been able to do this in YEARS!

I wish I COULD choose a side of mashed potatoes but I can’t. I wish I could try the shrimp pasta but I know it’s loaded with butter and cream so I can’t. I’ve been limiting what I want for so long and it’s so, so exhausting and frustrating.

---

Never thought I'd be too poor to buy food
/u/skydiver89 [5'4" CW 133 GW 125 UGW 115]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:42:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ayxb/never_thought_id_be_too_poor_to_buy_food/
---
Wow. For the past few years I'd either binge and restrict. Lately it's been restricting. Now I don't work because of many mental illnesses. I get a set amount from my Dad but to be fair,I help him out a lot at his house. But my mom is out of money for the month. My Dad is frustrated with me not recovering fast enough so he keeps giving me less and less money each time I ask. It's not like I go out and spend it on stupid shit. But now I only have enough money to either buy some food or fill up my gas tank. I had to cancel plans with a friend tonight because of it. I'm fucking starving. I'm actually crying. Maybe I'm being dramatic but I feel like I really took food for granted. Now I have no choice but to starve.

---

Don't have a period anyway, so who gives a shit?
/u/deadestpoet
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:37:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90axp0/dont_have_a_period_anyway_so_who_gives_a_shit/
---
Ever since my period disappeared due to an IUD, I've just cared much less about losing too much weight. I'm not even underweight or anything, it's just that my view on it has changed. Another block that keeps me from going too far has disappeared :')

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[Rant/Rave] Back at it again with the white vans
/u/rotting_the_crown
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:24:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90auhx/back_at_it_again_with_the_white_vans/
---
Hi guys, I had a very popular account and still have it, but made this new one to have a fresh start.

I was doing alright. Food was of course always on my mind, but I managed to stay within the same 5ish pound margin that my body is “comfortable” in 🙄.

Also, I’ve been battling bipolar disorder that keeps fight back with a vengeance. Even through the past month or so with this going on, I’ve been okay food wise and haven’t actively heavily restricted (okay maybe a couple days I tried but failed), and haven’t purged. I can’t exercise purge because I had hip surgery.

I had a REALLY bad day at work yesterday. Probably the worst I’ve had at this job (3+ years), and that’s saying something.

After I got off, I went to the store and got a bunch of shit food and ate a ton of it. Wasn’t hungry, of course. Then I was sooooo full to the point of pain, and stuff would roll up my throat if I laid down.

So of course I purge, and here we are again. I redownloaded Zero. I want to be strong. Hunger is just a feeling, like my hip pain. I want to be strong for once in my life.

Of course, my coworker just asked if I want to get Ethiopian food for lunch tomorrow. I want to be social but I need to be strong. 🙃

---

Has anyone else lost a lot of weight and gained no confidence?
/u/camelno9 [5'10 | 158lbs | 22.7 | -132lbs | 19M]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:21:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90atpl/has_anyone_else_lost_a_lot_of_weight_and_gained/
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Curious as to whether or not anyone else here has lost a considerable amount of weight or just seen a large difference in their appearance and gained no confidence whatsoever.

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what are some good diets/workouts to quickly lose weight?
/u/xbrokenhearts
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90arpi/what_are_some_good_dietsworkouts_to_quickly_lose/
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anybody whos antiED dont comment idc abt ur opinion lmao

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I haven't eaten for real this week but not due to restricting
/u/FAYGOLMAO [5'8 | CW: 🐘 | -10lb | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:12:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ara3/i_havent_eaten_for_real_this_week_but_not_due_to/
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my fiance and I just moved into our own place 6/19/18. This week he has gone into a depressive state and can't work anymore. I've applied for disability at the end of May and I'm waiting to see if I get accepted. We don't have any money coming in right now. He's suicidal and I had to take away all of the sharp objects and lighters. All he does all day is drink and smoke cigarettes. This has been the worst week of my life. I keep trying to get him to go to the hospital but he won't go.

Yall I am struggling so hard right now. I have to watch him all the time. I can't get good sleep because he wakes me up all the time to light his cigarettes. I have to lay down when he does so I can get any sleep. Otherwise I have to stay up with him because we have a gun in the house and I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone. I walked in on him Monday burning himself. I don't have an appetite anymore. I just feel like I'm checking out of everything. I am worried about our future so much. I don't see how we're going to get back on our feet. He's been yelling at me about the stupidest things since Saturday at 5 am. Sober he says "hold \[sharp objects\] so I won't hurt myself" then he gets drunk and says "oh you probably won't even let me have a fork to eat this food since you took everything from me".

I really truly understand what depression is like. I know what he's going through. but if I'm being honest, he's been a drunk asshole and I don't know how much more I can take of this. I'm exhausted. Truly truly exhausted. I know he's going through shit but he doesn't give a shit how much i do for him. He just wants to drink and lay in the floor yelling at me.

I'm not doing well. I'm sorry for the rant. I guess if there's any upside to this, it's that I'm not hungry. I'm sorry if this isn't the right place to post like this, yall are just such a supportive community and I need that.

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Former Halo Top Hater
/u/leftshoelauren [5'3"F | SW 185 | CW 161 | GW 110 | 🍑 tinyren]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90aqwv/former_halo_top_hater/
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I hate ice cream. I hate the consistency of milk. I was never a fan of Halo Top, but I *am* a huge fan of peanut butter. Since my last relapse, I haven't had a sweet sinful spoonful of peanut butter since about April.

I found peanut butter cup Halo Top at Target today. I wasn't expecting much.

*Now* I am now in serious danger of eating this pint with a fucking ladle, y'all. I cannot believe I was boo boo the fool for so long. I get the hype and my ass literally started clapping in the kitchen from the first bite.

RIP any nutritious dinner I was planning on having tonight lmao

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The money I could save if I didn’t have an ED you guys
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:04:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ap38/the_money_i_could_save_if_i_didnt_have_an_ed_you/
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I went to Freshii for a salad because it’s the only semi-healthy place anywhere in my city that has calorie counts - lowest cal salad I could find was 250 calories so I got it with dressing on side and figured I could just eat a tiny bit. $10. As they’re making my salad I notice they have little papers where you can actually customize your own salad - all the low cal stuff!! And it even tells you the calories for each thing. I quickly mentally looked at it and customized a 60 calorie salad instead.....and bought another $10 salad muttering about how my boyfriend decided he wanted one when really the first one is just going to go in the garbage lol what’s wrong with me $20 salad bullshit

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[Discussion] smoothie recipes that actually keep you full?
/u/ellissaa
Created: Thu Jul 19 17:02:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90aogu/smoothie_recipes_that_actually_keep_you_full/
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what are your favorite smoothie recipes? i’m hoping for something relatively low cal that will keep me going throughout the day until dinner.

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[Other] (NSFW) I never thought anyone would find me pretty
/u/raspberryfleur [5'4 | 104 | 17.8 | -75 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:51:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90al3k/nsfw_i_never_thought_anyone_would_find_me_pretty/
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Forewarning: abusive language if you can’t handle it press back

I used to be obese, awkward, had bad hygeine and bad self confidence. Yup I’m that one everyone used to bully. Got made fun of for the things I liked and for being shy. I’m that girl that your buddies would ask out as a dare.

One day a guy I liked punched my arm fat and laughed at me. I went home crying so hard I puked. I vowed to get in shape, so that he would ask me out. And I did get in shape. I went from 175 pounds to 120 in 4 months. The guy? I rejected him. Brutally. I wanted him to feel as bad as I did that day.

Now I get asked out all the time. My “nerd” hobbies are cool now because I’m not ugly to some people. My “awkwardness” is now seen as cute and guys want to help me, to talk to me, to go out with me...

So now I’m good enough to have sex with but not to be someone’s girlfriend. I will never be someone’s girlfriend. I’m just a fucking cum dumpster. Why the fuck would someone want me other than for sex. That’s probably all guys see me as. Lol. I’m aware “ur too young to be thinking about relationship enjoy being single!!!11!” Well maybe I WANT one Barbra. It makes me cry when people ask “you’re so pretty, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?” And I can’t fucking awnser them because I want to know too

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want to fix it so that I can maybe be happy one day instead of looking in the mirror crying. I might be skinny in people’s eyes, all I see are my flaws. And they’re growing.

I’m probably too skinny. I had tinder dates reject me because “you’re skinnier in person”. All my tinder photos were me, 15 pounds ago. I fixed them now so maybe I’ll find someone who thinks my body isn’t that disgusting. I’m losing more weight anyway so he’d better like it. I want to be 99 pounds.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm not an Fing Beagle!
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:41:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ai85/im_not_an_fing_beagle/
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Is anyone else annoyed by the amount of researchers who come here looking for subjects? While I understand that it's not specifically against the rules, we're a support group for the mentally ill. I'm going to assume that a mod okay'd the posts but I feel it's in poor taste to invade a support group looking for research subjects. No one would go to a 12-step meeting and do the same. Just because we're Internet based doesn't mean that researchers belong here.

I'm interested in helping out researchers. I receive emails from [ResearchMatch.org](https://ResearchMatch.org) about research I may be able to help with, but this is my safe space. I come here to not feel judged. I come here to not feel alone. I don't come here to feel like I'm a Beagle, ready to be tested upon.

\*Note: I'm against animal testing and don't purchase projects that have been tested upon animals (except medication). The Beagle comments were not in support of animal testing, but to make a point.

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does my little brother develop an ed or am i just projecting?
/u/officialrogersmith
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:34:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90ahi0/does_my_little_brother_develop_an_ed_or_am_i_just/
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Gonna try to keep this short, I'm just really confused right now.

I'm 19 and he's 16, our parents divorced 8 years ago, straight after that I fell deep into the depression/anxiety pit for like a good five years and my dads alcohol abuse worsened to the point he had to go inpatient several times. So, we've been through shit.

Family situation is as follows: I have good ol' OSFED, our mum is an ex-bulimic, who prides herself in never having exceeded 55kg all her life, our dad goes on week-long fasts several times a year and our grandma had anorexia. I think my parents are partly to blame for my issues, and he grew up under the same circumstances, didn't he.

He exhibits some of the same weird behaviour I do. Like eating junk food in his room, he's gone on those late night "runs", completly out of the blue and once he suggested that he knew what "Chew and Spitting" was when I described it (without mentioning the name). He's underweight and has low body fat. He just came back from playing football with his friends, then went into the attic to exercise some more. It's past midnight. And he has a gym membership, so that doesn't make any sense, which is like the number one trait of eds.

I really don't know what to do. Am I overreacting?
I can't talk to my parents about it, I've voiced concerns about him to both of them once and it got brushed off. My parents are both therapists/social workers, but they're blind when it comes to their children (it took mom 4 years to acknowledge my social anxiety).

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Essentials for fasting?
/u/narkisseh
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:22:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90aduz/essentials_for_fasting/
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I just finished a 80 hour fast (with a binge) and am planning to do a 50 hour fast starting now. What do you rely on to keep you sane during a fast? I always drink a shit loaf of tea and coffee with ice cubes, but I was wondering if there was something I am missing out on?

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Guilty AF
/u/Throwmeaway19999991
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:09:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90aad8/guilty_af/
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So basically, beenfasting for about 62 hours. Got very drunk and felt week and half dead, my stupid self decided to eat a few Arnotts Shapes and Doritos (curse them), lucky for me, drunk me involuntarily threw them up. But I'm still feeling guilty about them the next day because I KNOW I could've gone longer without food, I wish I hadn't eaten at all by I was so weak :/

Pls flair as rant/rave?

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[Rant/Rave] using my kid to fuel my ED
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 mochiqueen]
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:09:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90aa7i/using_my_kid_to_fuel_my_ed/
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when he refuses to eat my disordered brain is like “see, it’s not good enough for him, why should you eat it?” and when he does eat the ED is like “he eats such a small amount and if you ate like that you’d be small too”. most meals i just watch him eat. if it’s a family dinner then i make a big deal about making sure he has enough and isn’t getting food on him, then it’s “oh my food got cold, well it’s fine ‘cause i wasn’t hungry anyway”

it’s so fucked up. i’m fucked up

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[Rant/Rave] Does anyone feel like they can’t restrict when on their period?
/u/gpbean
Created: Thu Jul 19 16:07:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90a9sl/does_anyone_feel_like_they_cant_restrict_when_on/
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I know many people here don’t have periods anymore but I do and they’re horrible, I have cravings for chocolate all of the time and I can’t keep inside of my calorie limit because I’m a hungry fat monster.

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Don't get the appeal of c/s
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|~117|23F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 15:33:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909zi1/dont_get_the_appeal_of_cs/
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I've never tried chew/spit but I know I wouldn't like it. For me, eating is as much about the feeling of literally consuming and ingesting something as it is about the taste and texture. I feel like c/s would leave me ultimately unfulfilled and lead me to binge anyway. Am I crazy or does anyone else feel this way?

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Research survey - how does veganism/vegetarianism impact eating disorder symptoms?
/u/Closmer
Created: Thu Jul 19 15:31:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909yw2/research_survey_how_does_veganismvegetarianism/
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Hello, my name is Clementine and I'm currently undertaking my Masters research as part of my MSc in Child Development at University College London (UCL).

My research is looking into the impact of adherence to a plant-based diet on eating disorder symptoms. Therefore, any type of diet is welcome: meat-eater, vegetarian, vegan. The hope is that this research will help people at risk of or currently suffering with eating disorders.

Please follow and share the below link if you wish to participate or if you would like more information.
[https://uclioe.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_e4CT7WqxfFtv9eB](https://uclioe.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_e4CT7WqxfFtv9eB)
The link works best on computers, not on a mobile.
There will be 4 online questionnaires to complete, this should take approximately **15 minutes**.

All answers will be stored **anonymously**. All participants must be between the ages of **16 – 30 years** of age and have an advanced level of **English**.

I really appreciate the time you take to read this! It can be quite difficult to find participants for studies like these therefore any help is much appreciated.

Thank-you so much!

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[Help] Breaking a sugar addiction?
/u/fiyacht524 [5'6" |CW 50.5kg |BMI 17.89 | GW:48kg| Female]
Created: Thu Jul 19 15:31:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909yrk/breaking_a_sugar_addiction/
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So I've always had an insane sweet tooth, ever since I was a kid. Chocolate and biscuits are my biggest issue, with pastries also becoming an issue.

When I'm fasting, I have no problem skipping meals and turning down offers of crisps, nuts etc, but as soon as there's an opportunity to eat something sweet.... BAM I'm stuffing my face.

Does anyone have any advice or ideas of how I can get this under control? I'd love to cut out sugary junky foods completely (obviously I'd still eat fruit).

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Friendly reminder that scales lie: shorts.
/u/audreyhepburnwho
Created: Thu Jul 19 15:22:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909w2c/friendly_reminder_that_scales_lie_shorts/
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Hi guys. This is a post about shorts.

Ill try to keep it short. (no pun intended). My weight fluctuates a bit. Usually, gains or plateaus just cause me to binge like a mofo. Ive been reading about the whoosh effect and two weeks ago I tried to hang in there until I saw it and fought every urge to binge. I also went on vacation. Few days before my vacation I was either fasting and the weight was NOT budging, or I was eating at TDEE and slowly "gaining" (but I was sure I wasnt eating at a surplus so I focused on blaming water/food weight). During the first 3 days of my vacation I did NOT eat. And, I walked and danced my ass off. So I surely had to be losing some fat. Rest of the days I either ate too much, or fasted. Overall, I was still at a deficit at the end of the week. By the end of the week, my shorts were falling off my butt. I was ecstatic. I surely had lost some weight.

I came home to a 2 kilo gain. I freaked out and binged. Then fasted again, for two days, and Im still at a 1kilo gain from before my vacation. The day after the binge I thought I looked so huge. I thought, I look exactly how I did before my vacation even though I ate so little and moved SO SO SO much (I reached almost 30k steps each day.). For sure the only reason why I looked leaner on vacation was dehydration and lack of food..... no fat loss. Nothing works. Not even starving. I was so pissed. My shorts were indeed loose, but I wore them so much,so maybe I just stretched them out with all the walking........ Fuck. This are my "fat" shorts by the way, the only ones that fit me at my highest. ( I yo-yo a lot...).

Now, I have other shorts. My goal shorts. Which before my vacation, I was able to zip up but they were very tight. Now they dont seem as tight, but it's hard to tell.... They're also really small so they would only account for loss on my ass, not my legs. And the shorts I wore on vacation seem looser on the legs.... But I still dont trust them... Then I had a brilliant idea. I remembered I have other jean shorts which I used to wear last summer, an I tried them on about a week before my vacation and they didnt go up past my thighs, but like, at all. There are knee-long shorts. Damn. They fit. Guys, the scale says Im heavier, even after 48 hours without food...... But they fit. They don't just come up, and zip up, they fit nicely enough to wear. This is in-fucking-sane. They didnt go up at all before!!!!And they've been sitting in my drawer so no way I stretched them out.

By the way, my scale has been on the exact same spot on the floor. I even moved it around today but nope, the bitch is adamant that Im heavier. You could say Ive gained muscle from all the walking and dancing and urely thats a possibility, but 2 kilos worth?? Nah. Im sure theres also water weight involved and all but all in all, the point is: THE SCALE CAN BE A BITCH, HANG IN THERE, DONT THROW IT ALL AWAY BY BINGEING WHENEVER YOU DONT LOSE/GAIN JUST LIKE I USUALLY DO/DID. Im sure a whoosh has to be in the cards for me. Anyway, Im smaller and Im gonna keep going.

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Any other high restrictors feel like fakers?
/u/babymooonbeam [5.3.5” | 116 | 22F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 15:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909suc/any_other_high_restrictors_feel_like_fakers/
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I feel like a big chubby fraud because I've been aiming for 1200 a day lately. I've been genuinely trying to not purge either.

I'm about to go home and scarf down half a Wawa sub and it's kind of disturbing that it fits into my day and I can still eat after that without going over.

On the flip side though...I can eat 1200 a day and still lose...? *Does not compute*

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My therapists undervalue my pain [CW: fatphobia, suicidal thoughts]
/u/Hielier
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:54:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909nyc/my_therapists_undervalue_my_pain_cw_fatphobia/
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So I've had an eating disorder for 7 years. I started going to therapy for depression in 2014 using the public healthcare but it was too crowded and on december 2017 I finally was able to go to the private one, who diagnosed me with an eating disorder (an other issues). Anyway, during these years I've shifted from restricting to binging and I've lost and gained back and lost and gained back and my weight is kind of a rollercoaster. Now I'm in a helathy weight (never went down to unhealthy actually, which makes me feel like a failure) and I feel like not only people underestimate my problems, but also my therapists.

Last Wednesday it came into the conversation that I'm very competitive when it comes to weight and that I always want to be thinner than everyone around me. They asked me if I'd want to be thinner than someone with severe anorexia who weights 30kg and I said yes. Then they spitted "You're saying you want to be thinner than people with a disorder? We are talking about serious issues". Oh ok lol so it seems that if you're not underweight your eating disorder doesn't count and all the pain you've gone and going through is nothing. Keeps happening to me when I open up about it to people, they just say "Oh, but you look fine". Fine for me is a "You need to lose 20kg you pig".

I feel terrible, and what's worse is that I'm in those months in which I cannot get myself to restrict more than 2 days in a row. My suicidal thoughts keep getting stronger because for me "not losing weight = life not worth living" and the fatphobia in this society and the clear fact that people will only care about me if I lose weight is killing me.

Has anyone experienced this too?

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I'm jealous
/u/PizzaCutter
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:53:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909nqb/im_jealous/
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I walked past the break room the other day and saw the most glorious sub style sandwich I'd ever seen. Meat, melted cheese, veggies and some kind of sauce spilling out. It had been toasted.

It's just not fair that "normal" people can eat like that without a care in the world.

Half of that sandwich would have been maybe 2 days worth of calories for me, and yet, the person who it belonged to wouldn't have even thought about how many calories, or how much I need to restrict to make up for it.

I just so much want to be able to look at a food and my first thought be "wow, that looks good!" Not how many calories etc.

Such a simple thing. The enjoyment of food, yet I just can't get there.

To be able to ask myself "what do I feel like having for lunch?" And actually following through without anxiety and disgust and self loathing.

Is it just me? Am I the weird one?

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Muscle weakness
/u/relapseandrecovery
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:46:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909lwo/muscle_weakness/
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So I know that chronically starving yourself obviously comes with detrimental side effects but I've not really experienced this one before. How concerned should I be about muscle weakness? I'm not even exercising but they feel not sore but just...weak idk. I'm concerned my muscles are eating themselves already but I'm only barely underweight like not even BMI 18 flat I'm pretty sure. Is there some sign to be looking out for that it's a problem? Is there something I can do to fix it?

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This is at the San Diego Comic Con
/u/mladyisthename
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:33:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909i3v/this_is_at_the_san_diego_comic_con/
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https://i.redd.it/b565cixdtya11.png

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guess i don't need any more clothes anyway...
/u/edgaranalhoe [5'10" | ugbmi 18-19 ish | bmi 22 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:30:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909hcb/guess_i_dont_need_any_more_clothes_anyway/
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after spending like all day in bed yesterday due to being 🌸 super depressed 🌸 i decided to hit the mall this morning to take my mind off things. i'm going on a vacation soon, so i thought i could treat myself to a pair of cheap new girlfriend jeans from h&m so i can painlessly try something new while in the process of weight loss. so, i was trying to fish out a pair of size 28-29 pants, because everything was like 26 and 27, and this tiny teenage girl comes up with her tiny friend. they spent 3 seconds digging through the same pile before one of them said, "oh my god let's go, they are all HUUUGE" which now has me feeling like a bag of turds and i don't know why 😫 bruh i was already self-concious due to being a tall gremlin with a giant ass, now i think treating myself to a mini shopping spree was a huge mistake

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[Rant/Rave] krombopulos michael knows what’s up
/u/rotting_the_crown
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:17:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909daa/krombopulos_michael_knows_whats_up/
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https://i.redd.it/6chov57mqya11.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I can’t purge
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:11:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909b48/i_cant_purge/
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I binged for the first time in a month and I’m so proud of myself but I ate two sandwiches drank soda and I bought some chocolate and I want to vomit because of how sick I feel I haven’t had this is so long and I feel ill but I’m not throwing up for any reason and now the calories are making me anxious I have no idea what to do my body feels absolutely disgusting

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[Rant/Rave] mustard: a declaration of love
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909aek/mustard_a_declaration_of_love/
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no matter how much you stain my hands or my lips, i will always love you, mustard. low cal and flavorful, you are wonderful. you make a sandwich better. you taste good on everything. and you aren’t as heavy and calorific as mayo. god bless mustard. i love you, mustard. love you so much.

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supervisor taking my diet coke
/u/postrevolutionism
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:07:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/909a08/supervisor_taking_my_diet_coke/
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i'm working at a non-profit this summer back home after coming back from studying abroad (where i started to recover a bit, not fully, but i wasn't restricting and purging the way i do at my normal school) and i've recently started to restrict again and my anxiety around "good" and "bad" foods has gotten really awful lately. i bring a certain amount of safe foods/drinks (mostly caffeinated drinks and small snacks like dried apples) to work and i depend them BEING THERE when i need them. today has been an awful day with tons of anxiety and i went to go get one of the diet cokes i always keep here only to find my supervisor drinking my last one.

it made me so angry i wanted to scream because i NEED that to be there when i need it and now my entire day is thrown off and i know this is so miniscule (and it's empty calories so i might as well drink water) but ugh. not to mention it's just fucking rude.

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What do you usually break your fast with?
/u/shrirnpheavennow [5'10| CW: 197.8|SW: 230 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 14:03:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9098ld/what_do_you_usually_break_your_fast_with/
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I'm doing a 24 hour fast today and intend to do one tomorrow, but definitely need to eat tonight. What do you guys usually eat to break a fast without binging?

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how to hide weight loss ?
/u/shimmeryeltz
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:58:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9097a9/how_to_hide_weight_loss/
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my family have recently been questioning my weight loss & threatening to take me to the doctors if I lose any more

I’m a few lbs off technically being underweight so I’m quite worried

I’ve been trying to wear massive clothes from when I was obese but it’s too hot for things that engulf me

I only want to lose a bit more so I can look better but I don’t want ppl to find out as I’m already with mh services ://

(I’ve had disordered behaviours for over 3 years now but have only recently started dropping weight again)

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Lunch date tomorrow and im just terrified
/u/prettyplease2468 [5'5 | CW: 111.2lb | BMI: 18.5 | GW: 107 | SW: 124 | 18F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:48:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9094d2/lunch_date_tomorrow_and_im_just_terrified/
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So there's this cute boy that's wanted to grab boba tea/lunch with me for two weeks now but I kept putting it off to "next week" because the sugar in boba makes me want to kms


Im gonna recommend "something low-key like subway/burger king" because I'd rather eat shitty processed food than healthier food I don't know the calorie count of. But if we go to a nicer restaurant without calorie info I will actually fucking die.

I hope to God this guy is cool with it and doesn't think it's trashy to get fast food...But today for lunch he got Mongolian and on other days he gets poke bowls. Bougie food.


Wish me luck gals. 💞

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[Tip] a new way to mentally help my restriction
/u/lighghtup
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:28:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908ye0/a_new_way_to_mentally_help_my_restriction/
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I hate pickles, but I ask myself whenever I get hungry whether I’d be hungry enough to eat a pickle. If the answer is no, then I’m not actually hungry.

I literally despise pickles they are the bane of this universe and so far I have not gotten hungry enough while restricting to want to eat one.

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I hate myself for going through this again
/u/Emp3r0r-_O [5'7 | 171 |BMI: 27| -49 | 32M]
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:26:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908xyp/i_hate_myself_for_going_through_this_again/
---
I left the military to run away from the Toxic views they have towards peoples body. It definitely triggered me soo much that i was unhealthy and an asshole. I was a bad person and i didn't want to be the dudebro asshole that i was seeing everyone trying to change me to.

Closed all my social media accounts, "recovered" and blew up in weight, but then again hated myself for not being able to find a healthy medium. Depression and insecurities from a recent break up made me relapse again.

I hate the fact that i use my friends to make sure i maintain.

i hate the fact that i make my friends uncomfortable. I am open about my ED to my friends and i can see it makes them uncomfortable. (My friend laughed at the comment i made that i was using her to make sure i ate. She didnt laugh because she thought i was lying of having an ED... she was uncomfortable about it so she only did that because of it)

I hate the fact i have gotten to the point where i don't enjoy food. I don't crave anything. People praise me for being disciplined, but its not fun not being able to enjoy things you enjoyed all your life.

Most of all, I hate myself for not wanting to recover.

---

Do you find restricting easier when living alone?
/u/BadLifePLanner
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:25:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908xp0/do_you_find_restricting_easier_when_living_alone/
---
I live with mymom™ and she'll always bring something home. I have no willpower so I eat it. I remember a few weeks ago she was gone for about a week and, boy, restricting was so easy! I basically *forgot* to eat which is unimaginable for me normally.

---

A bowl of hot, filling semolina porridge for 150 cals or less (=
/u/BadLifePLanner
Created: Thu Jul 19 13:21:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908waa/a_bowl_of_hot_filling_semolina_porridge_for_150/
---

---

Fashion Titanic
/u/hollowdeer
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:56:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908o97/fashion_titanic/
---
I got some new clothes at the thrift store the other day because I'm shrinking out of my old stuff, which should be a win, right? I even treated myself to some new cheap black flats I thought were cute in that fast fashion way.

I THOUGHT LIKE AN IDIOT because apparently my new dress and shoes look like absolute fucking garbage.

Dress: 'very comfortable looking', 'flattering for your figure', 'relaxed'.

Shoes: my worst co-worker who dresses like a tornado hit the worst part of Salvation Army told me she wants the same shoes and they also look 'so comfortable'.

Same co-worker, who is obese, told me we looked like we matched in our dresses.

I am trying to make myself eat at least 1000 calories a day but I'm seriously this close to throwing away the rest of my lunch and skipping dinner while I burn all my clothes, because apparently the dresses I can wear because they don't cling to my stomach or thighs and therefore feel safe make me look like a fucking dipshit. Fuck me. Why just not shut the fuck up, coworkers? Just shut the fuck up and let me walk around thinking I look okay for fucking *once*.

---

[Discussion] Any good songs that you interpret as about your ED or other struggles?
/u/cas215
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:50:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908mj5/any_good_songs_that_you_interpret_as_about_your/
---
This is something I think about a lot. in my head, I turn a lot of songs into ED songs. Anyone else have these?
I.e. “Control” by Halsey or “Let me go” by HAIM (ok which i know was used for starving in suburbia but god i felt that way before i saw that movie)

---

[Help] Not chewing = less calories?
/u/SensiblePizza
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:47:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908lgl/not_chewing_less_calories/
---
Hi guys.

I know there's been a lot of talk about C/S recently but I have a question about how not chewing properly would impact the amount of calories gained from food?

It makes sense that if I don't chew foods properly then the larger pieces won't be digested as fully and therefore less calories would be entering my body. It goes against everything I can find online - mostly I'm reading articles that recommend chewing to lose weight because it slows you down and you don't over eat (I wish).

To clarify, I don't mean swallowing large pieces of food without chewing and potentially choking. I was thinking like not chewing things like corn, grains, quinoa, baked beans, rice, pasta, soft fruits, vegetables. Things that are pretty soft and small to begin with basically.

Sorry for the silly question! Thanks!

---

[Rant/Rave] How am I supposed to start a new life like this?
/u/DoubleBeautiful
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:37:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908i8t/how_am_i_supposed_to_start_a_new_life_like_this/
---
I'm sorry if this isn't the right place to post this, but it feels like my anxiety is just inextricably linked to my ED. I've been heavy restricting and am supposed to reach my UGW by September 5th. I'm freaking the fuck out because I just received an email from the company I'm going to be joining next month. They're talking about training in cities I've never been to, and I'm just honestly about to have a breakdown. I thought I'd be excited – I was at one point – but I feel like a shell of myself and I just cannot imagine going out into the world and starting my career. I feel doomed. I feel dumb, weak, and out of time. I don't know what I'm really looking for by saying anything of this. I just hate how much this ED has effected my self-confidence. I hope that this feeling will pass but right now I feel like an incompetent fat child. I can't stop crying.

I won't even be at my GW when I'm supposed to start my whole new life. How in the world is that going to work? I feel like I shouldn't be leaving home, I'm not an adult :(

---

Mild meltdown
/u/myedthrowawaydotcom
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:30:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908fyw/mild_meltdown/
---
I just found out cinnamon has calories and my heart fell through my arse, did everyone know this???

---

[Other] So I weighed myself after a month vacation...
/u/caookie [5'3" | 91lbs | 16.5 | LW: 73lbs | Maintenance is hard]
Created: Thu Jul 19 12:12:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/908a93/so_i_weighed_myself_after_a_month_vacation/
---
My family went on a trip to Europe and we spent a month in Italy. I promised myself that I would eat normally and enjoy it, for the sake of myself and also for the sake of my two younger brothers.

We went out to eat every day and had so much pizza, pasta, ice cream, lasagne, and basically anything high calorie you can think of. I logged all of my calories (maybe not so accurately) but I mostly ate what I wanted when I wanted.

As the trip went on I could *see* myself gaining weight. Not having access to a scale was nerve wracking. I avoided pictures and I always felt so anxious when my older brother and I went to the beach. I was so scared that I had gained like 7 pounds, which wouldn’t be totally impossible in a month.

So the morning after I got home, the first thing I did was weigh myself. And guess what!? I didn’t gain any weight! I actually lost some, which means that I’m in my goal weight range again.

Right now, of course, I’m freaking out about the calories in the bowl of chow mien I just ate because it was way too big of a portion to match the calories the restaurant gave it... But something about not gaining weight after a month away from the scale eating pretty much intuitively, something about that gives me hope.

Idk what was the point in any of this but I just thought that I would share for those of you who also panic about being away from the scale for extended periods of time. Maybe a break was good for me. I was so sure that what I was seeing was real, but I guess not.

---

[Other] I love watching tv...
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:40:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90802q/i_love_watching_tv/
---
And every time someone starts to eat I’m like “omg how aren’t they counting the calories and just mindlessly eating the chips out of the bag like that” 😂😭 then I remember some people don’t obsess over this like me.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel guilty.
/u/mikhuy [5' 0'' | CW 106.4 | BMI 20.9 | GW 95lbs | F21]
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:33:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907xtb/i_feel_guilty/
---
Over the past few years I feel like I've made huge strides in my "bad eating habits" from being 85lbs, to 115 lbs, I began trying to lose weight again, vowing that I would do it in a healthy way this time. Over \*many\* years, I stopped starving myself for days,chewing and spitting, smoking cigs to curb hunger, excessively counting calories, and weighing myself every day. I can now eat in public too (which was one of the hardest parts).

But in the past few weeks, as I have tried to lose a couple of pounds, the intrusive thoughts of how fat and disgusting I am are becoming louder. Some days have always been more difficult than others, but I always made sure that I would eat. Now I have more bad days than not and I've stopped eating altogether.

I started smoking cigarettes again to stop eating too.

I forgot how much I liked the feeling of losing weight. I feel guilty because I feel like I've taken a big step back from what I worked hard to do. A part of me wants to eat and try to get back on track, another part of me wants to say fuck it and continue to lose weight.

Too much internal conflict for me to handle.

---

[Help] I just want some baby corn
/u/summerservice
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:24:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907v18/i_just_want_some_baby_corn/
---
the can says half a cup is 120 calories and so does one entry on myfitnesspal, but then there’s another entry that says “(corrected)” and says it’s only 10 calories?? i’ve never seen such a big discrepancy. which is it ughh

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[Other] I had a whoosh!!
/u/starvingarthoe
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:19:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907tcl/i_had_a_whoosh/
---
I was 248.6 yesterday and today I woke up 244.8! I binged a bunch of junk food and I really thought I was gonna retain water and bloat back up to 250. Seeing 244 on the scale this morning was amazing and gave me strength to keep going and work harder. Hoping to keep the momentum going wish me luck yall!

---

so frustrated
/u/justsadaf
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:16:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907sn8/so_frustrated/
---
hey friends - first time poster here. ive been in recovery on and off for 10 years and am currently in a bit of a relapse. ive been restricting and doing a bunch of c/s. yesterday night i full on binged, and now today i just want to die. im so frustrated over dealing with this stupid thing for this long. im frustrated over bingeing after extended restriction. im frustrated that i want to binge again right now. i work from home and there's still a bunch of binge foods in the house from yesterday and i dont know how im supposed to get any work done while im thinking about what's in the kitchen 5 feet from me.


ive already c/s'ed this morning and will probably do so again more today. just hoping i can get through without a binge because if i binge again i honestly dont know what will happen.

thanks for listening to me vent. im terrified of these communities bc i never want to encourage someone else's eating disorder, but im desperate for support rn.

---

[Rant/Rave] Oh fuuuuck me. I’m fasting at work today and a coworker offered anyone the remainder of her monster because she’s not feeling well and in my craze for more caffeine, I accepted it. Only now have I realized that I haven’t had a regular monster in so long, I forgot it has calories.
/u/IsAFailure [~5'6 | Last known weight: 107~]
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:16:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907sgb/oh_fuuuuck_me_im_fasting_at_work_today_and_a/
---
My coffee had 35~ so I’m sure I broke the fast.

God fucking damnit.

---

[Rant/Rave] I wish I was taller.
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Thu Jul 19 11:03:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907o45/i_wish_i_was_taller/
---
I'm short and not terribly active. I'm so jealous of the people who are losing 10+ pounds a month. To lose just 2 pounds a week I'd have to eat 500 calories a day. I don't think I have that amount of willpower. For a day? Sure. Everyday for months and months? ...nope. It's just not happening.

...so I'm bound to be a fat whale for such a long time.

---

[Discussion] Can eating disorders be genetic?
/u/narkisseh
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907iw1/can_eating_disorders_be_genetic/
---
I know this might just be a coincidence, but my sister is a recovered anorexic and my cousin has been dealing with some kind of eating disorder for many years too. Now that my cousin is verrrryyy slowly recovering I‘m gradually developing worse and worse eating habits and I‘m wondering if this kind of mental illness might just run in the family? Is something like that even possible lol

---

[Help] Sustaining extreme weight loss !?
/u/psychedelicpeach
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907h7r/sustaining_extreme_weight_loss/
---
My weight in the beginning of July was around 150 lbs due to the fact that I was bingeing on a daily basis. I’ve been restricting pretty heavily for about a week now and I’m down to 141 lbs. I still want to lose more, but my question is how do I maintain this? I feel like I will gain so much weight back (I’m probably losing mainly water weight at this point) if I begin to eat at 1200 because I lost all the weight by eating less than 1000 a day. Idk what to do 😫

Side note: about a year ago I got down to less than 120 lbs by eating 1200 a day and exercising like mad, but the weight loss was much more gradual than what I’m experiencing now. I’m addicited to the immediate results that I’m seeing but want to find a way to eat a tad more so I can sustain this weight loss for longer. :/

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[Other] I dont deserve to live like this.
/u/elevenosix__ [158 cm| 44kg | 17 | 10kg | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:38:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907fu6/i_dont_deserve_to_live_like_this/
---
I deserve more. I deserve food. I deserve happiness. I will recover. I will.

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[Other] wear your energy?
/u/fluentsyntax
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:35:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907f2p/wear_your_energy/
---
https://www.indiegogo.com/products/perk-caffeine-bracelet-starter-kit

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[Other] Was proud of myself for the smallest amount of time
/u/Moostieoo
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:34:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907et3/was_proud_of_myself_for_the_smallest_amount_of/
---
I was walking in the woods and I found this really nice tasting mushroom that's quite rare where I'm from and I was super excited but I can't find out how many calories are in it online so I guess it's getting fed to the Guinea pigs RIP

---

[Rant/Rave] Working in an office
/u/Generic_puff
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/907cuh/working_in_an_office/
---
One of the ladies brought in donuts this morning. I politely declined when she offered & she still kept insisting. I reminded her that I don’t really like sweets but she wouldn’t take no for an answer 😓 I finally took the donut straight to my office threw it in the trash can without anyone seeing me do it. I crumbled up some papers on top as well so the donut wouldn’t be visible. What I don’t understand is that if I decline twice why keep asking??? It’s so pushy I feel bad because she’s so nice but I said no!!!!

---

[Rant/Rave] It's not like I'm out for attention but...
/u/markexclamationmark
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:17:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9079k3/its_not_like_im_out_for_attention_but/
---
Just needed to vent a bit about how my family is so... non-confrontational, to the point where I feel ignored. I am currently on the worst binge (no purging) phase I've had all year. I feel like the only time I get a moment of normalcy and inner peace is when I am eating something. There's no way my family hasn't noticed my daily routine of traipsing to and from my room and the kitchen, each time with another plate of food. I live with my parents and 2 siblings. I feel like I could eat all the food in the house and they still wouldn't say anything.

They bought a box of 10 ice creams for the family, I ate 6 of them in 2 days , leaving one each for the others and NO ONE SAID A FUCKING WORD. I have pretty bad depression which coincides with the binge so I guess they don't want to risk upsetting me or making me feel ashamed. But I know FULL WELL if they ever thought I was restricting or purging they would be all over that, monitoring ever bite.

I get that overeating is pretty normalised these days, but this is clearly me binging as a result of a depression phase, and what do my parents do? Buy me MORE FOOD to "cheer me up" ?? There have been days where I feel as if I might be able to get the situation under control somewhat, and then my mum comes home with a big smile and a massive heatable lasagne and says "i got this because I know you've had a hard day today". How dim can they be?

I've focussed on the food related side, but I also feel like my depression gets ignored. I can be sitting on the couch with silent tears streaming down my face and have my family members just walk past me without noticing.

Anyway, sorry for the long post.

---

I know why I can't get better
/u/wannathrowyouaway
Created: Thu Jul 19 10:03:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9074vo/i_know_why_i_cant_get_better/
---
I'll be completely honest with you guys, at first it was just a stupid diet to lose weight fast. Then I got addicted to losing weight, feeling dizzy, the high from fasting etc. Then I also started binging, at first I didn't compensate so I gained so wright, but then I picked up some compensatory behaviours so I wouldn't get too fat so now I'm just normal weight. And the thing is, I can't complain. I mean, I need to put on some muscle, but my body shape is what's considered attractive lately. And at first I wanted to be underweight and I was at some point, and I still wasn't happy. And I'm not happy now, either. But I'm starting to not hate my body, I'm not even sure I want to be sickly skinny anymore. I actually like the big booty, slim waist type of body. Yet, I feel like I *have* to lose weight. I *have* to engage in my disordered behaviours. Because it's the only thing I have, the only thing that's constant and that I can trust. I'm pretty sure my eating disorder will kill me and I'm okay with that. It's reassuring in a sick way. Ah yeah, what I wanted to say is that I basically do these things to myself because I feel the need to hurt myself in some way. And I don't deserve recovery because I have no reason to get better.

I'm sorry this doesn't make any sense. I'm tired and lightheaded.

---

[Other] Trash Donut
/u/Generic_puff
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:57:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90730f/trash_donut/
---
https://i.redd.it/1wp8o407gxa11.jpg

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Another give me a sign not to binge post
/u/glossboy [5'2 | CW:😷 | GW:94 |-29 | 🍑: glossboy]
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9072b8/another_give_me_a_sign_not_to_binge_post/
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This is so dumb but I've been in a binge restrict cycle for so long I'm sick of it, my body's sick of it. I've been regaining and losing the same 6-8 pounds for like 7 months and all that's been happening is a theoretical yet unhealthy af weight maintenance with the addition of just constant hair loss.

I'll have the urge to binge for an entire week, freak out over water weight and fat and try to get rid of it and just reenter the same binge cycle.

What sucks is that I live with a mom who is actively *trying* to gain weight, so that means every unsafe food you could ever think of sitting inside my fridge and pantry. Everything is full fat, high calorie, sugary. I keep staring at the pantry and it feels like I'm gonna go insane. Right now I so desperately want to shove the double chocolate poundcake with cream cheese frosting into my mouth.

I sat there saying "bitch you don't need it" and unconsciously said "binge over mind" on accident. Someone please help me. Or give me tips on ways you cope with staying away from a binge. I'm at a breaking point.

---

Low Cal Pancake Recipe!!
/u/bruised_ribs
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:50:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9070ut/low_cal_pancake_recipe/
---
Ingredients:

Cake flour - 3/4 cup
Baking powder - 2tsp
Salt - 1tsp
Skim milk -3/4 cup
Egg whites - 2

Directions:

1. Sprinkle dash of salt on egg whites and beat until stiff, but not dry.
2. Add milk to flour and salt. Beat until smooth.
3. Add baking powder and beat a few seconds more
4. Fold in beaten egg whites.
5. Pour into the pan and turn once. Should be golden brown.

**Nutrition Facts: CALORIES: 25.2 | FAT: 0g  |  PROTEIN: 1.2g  |  CARBS: 5g  |  FIBER: 0.1g**

---

[Goal] One week binge free!!!
/u/thingsarestranger
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:49:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9070l2/one_week_binge_free/
---
I set a goal for myself to be at 115 (120 would also be fine) by my boyfriends birthday mid August. I’m down to 130 as of yesterday and am one week binge free! My goal is to go until his birthday without binging. I’ve been at the gym every day and low restricting so I’ve lost 8-9 pounds in 3 weeks already. Really hoping I can hit my goal I’ll cry lol my LW as an adult was 127 so I’m already so close to that. Happy days happy days my friends. Hope you are all doing well

---

[Rant/Rave] Don‘t read maybe if you‘re triggered easily
/u/narkisseh
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906w6e/dont_read_maybe_if_youre_triggered_easily/
---
I just tried to make myself throw up for the first time. I thought about doing it many times before (I‘m a binge eater and usually compensate by restricting and exercising). I fasted the previous 80 hours and just binged a couple hours after breaking my fast even though I didn‘t even really want to???? Anyway I ate too much and feel sick so I shoved my fingers down my throat but nothing came up, I just gagged and now I don‘t know how to feel? Like I KNOW how bad vomiting is and that it‘s an extremely bad habit to get out of but idk??? I‘m sick of feeling like this but I‘m also so scared of spiraling further down this hellhole.

---

[Goal] I can't celebrate goals because I'm so scared of binging
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -25lb | M21]
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906vsw/i_cant_celebrate_goals_because_im_so_scared_of/
---
It's been months since I've binged, and I don't really feel one coming on any time soon, but it just feels like a matter of time. I'm terrified. When is it going to happen? When am I going to lose control? It's well overdue. And the scale can go up five pounds after one big binge, and I know it's mostly water weight but it's so scary, and I never binge just once. How am I supposed to celebrate a goal when I can ruin it so quickly? I feel like I need 30lb of wiggle room before I can really cross off a goal as "reached." But at the same time, constantly depreciating myself even when I'm making progress is exactly the sort of thing that would trigger an emotional binge.

But I'm also scared that I'll never binge. Binging was kind of proof that I *could* eat. Not often, not healthily, not in moderation, not normally, but at the very least I could do it. If I don't binge anymore, can I eat anymore? Am I just restricting and purging now? Is this worse?

---

I feel fatter when I slouch?
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:30:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906uok/i_feel_fatter_when_i_slouch/
---
I’ve slouched and had bad posture all my life I remember once in hs this girl (who definitely had an ed) told me sitting up straight burns calories and helps you get a flat stomach is this true? I feel like it’s a little fishy

---

[Goal] The app Happy Scale should really be called OhLolMyAnxietyIsBack Scale (Please add your own name suggestions in comments I considered so many and I’m not funny)
/u/SqueegeeOujia
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:26:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906tep/the_app_happy_scale_should_really_be_called/
---
https://i.imgur.com/oKkUhDB.jpg

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Why
/u/copperfauna
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:25:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906t35/why/
---
Why can’t I stop eating?? I’ve just been starving every damn day this week and nothing that normally would fill me is doing the trick and it’s getting close to really bad, 5k-10k binge territory. And the bad logic that if I’m going to starve either way it might as well taste good. And also what is the fucking point of high restricting over low restricting if I’m going to get bingey either way. And it’s making this cycle where I eat, then I work out to get rid of it, then I’m hungry because I worked out, then I eat a bunch, and now I just want to die.

I was doing so well too, id lost 20 lbs in 40 days and was down to a point where I wasn’t completely disgusted with myself and now I’m sobbing in a work bathroom because I wasn’t strong enough to say no to a Panera croissant and I still just want more. What the hell is my body asking for. Is it iron supplements? Is it electrolytes? What vitamin are you missing? Why won’t you just be happy? What’s wrong with it?

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[Help] Help with medication and fasting
/u/fatgirlthin98
Created: Thu Jul 19 09:06:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906n2s/help_with_medication_and_fasting/
---
Hiya, im a long time lurker but made an account to see if I can get some help with medicating my fasting periods. Ive been on and off fasting/restricting/binge-purge for about 4 years but I've never sucessfully used any medication to aid me. I live in the uk so advice from other brits would be helpful but any would be good, anything like laxatives appetite suppressants or anything else at all :) thank you in advance! ❤

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[Tip] too true
/u/fluentsyntax
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:59:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906kvd/too_true/
---
https://i.redd.it/uyi1qpdu5xa11.jpg

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10 lbs in 2 days
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:57:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906k91/10_lbs_in_2_days/
---
So I ate normally for two days in a row. Well, “normally”. Probably around 2,500 each day.

I’ve gone from 109 to 119.

Someone reassure me, because I’m in panic mode.

---

[Rant/Rave] my muscles are in constant pain, and so is my being - a messy biography by the deprived
/u/pointlessparadox [5'3" 🐳 ftm 16 🐳 bmi 22.5 🐳 cw 125 🐳 gw 100 🐳 hw 160 5/25/18]
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:55:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906jr1/my_muscles_are_in_constant_pain_and_so_is_my/
---
its summer, i stay inside all day because i burn and sweat easily, and i cant hide myself in big clothing

i’ve isolated myself from everyone i possibly can, and i only talk to my friend who got put in the same mental hospital i was in 3 months ago over the phone
we mostly just talk about suicide quietly

i hardly ever leave my room, and i sit in bed all day. my legs hurt constantly now, like a growing pain, but i know it’s the opposite. i want to care, but it’s so hard. moving hurts so much now. its spreading to my arms

i haven’t been drinking enough water, i usually only have two gulps to take my pills in the morning and at night. i don’t want to have to get up to pee

my sleep schedule is a mess, i either sleep early or not at all. its almost a schedule, because it usually alternates nights

i think my pills are destroying my memory, i cant remember so many things, even if they happened just seconds before.

my diet consists of cheese sticks, chicken bars, and protien bars. sometimes i mix it up a little and add olives or other forms of cheese. maybe an egg every few days

i have eaten less than, and usually way below, 1000 calories for two months now.

im too depressed to even log it, but the numbers on the packaging make me feel safe. i add them in my head so quick now

i was weighed at the doctors office, and they wanted me to see a dietician. i mightve gone overboard with the weight loss. they asked my mom to leave the room and asked me questions about what i was eating. i had forgotten i had the appointment and smoked an hour earlier, so i was high the whole time.

ive started burning myself with a lighter

my parents are worried, they don’t know whats going on. they ask me about what i eat and try to get me to eat more. they text me constantly and i absolutely hate it. my mom doesnt like it when i don’t sleep and my dad comes over to the house sometimes and wakes me up when i actually do sleep. nobody is on the same page. im not even on the same page as myself

i broke down in front of my therapist for the first time yesterday, but i cant talk to her about almost all of this.

so i wrote it here

---

[Help] Weigh in worried
/u/traceyaand
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:47:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906h4s/weigh_in_worried/
---
First off I'm by no means underweight. I had been placed on 50mg Vyvanse for BED in June. In 42 days I've lost 15 pounds. I'm thrilled! However, doc mentioned she didn't want me to lose too much weight. At the one month mark I was already down 9 lbs. I wore a coat, had my phone, 5 dollars in quarters, a freaking padlock in my pocket. I wore layers. It added 4 pounds. That being said, she squaked at a measly 5 lbs loss. I have a weigh in late September. I'm planning on wearing ankle weight because I believe I will be losing steadily until then. What has anyone used to cover weight loss at the doctor's? I do not want to stop losing and the Vyvanse has eliminated my hunger and also binges!!!! It's pretty obvious to me that if I'm not bingeing on 2000 calories each night in addition to regular meals I will lose weight. I guess I could try to explain that...I'm worried she won't prescribe anymore. I also can see down the line that each weigh in I will be in trouble trying make up for weight loss from the time before. I'm considering eating chipotle a day or 2 before. Lots of sodium & a huge ass burrito. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated if you have them. 10/10 recommend Vyvanse.

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DAE not dislike their bodies?
/u/therealtompetty [5'5 | CW 119 | BMI 19.8 | GW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:44:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906gg0/dae_not_dislike_their_bodies/
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I'm really sorry if this is triggering for anyone and I know a lot of you suffer from body dysmorphia and I could never even imagine what kind of pain that must bring. This is just something I've been thinking about a lot lately because I've been feeling fairly confident with my body but I still don't want to recover or stop restricting. I would like to be skinnier of course but I do like my body the way it is now. It's just interesting because I've never been overweight or thought I was fat so I'm not sure what caused this eating disorder, I think for me it's mostly about control and having something to focus on. If anyone else doesn't dislike or does like their body I'm just wondering what motivates you or what do you think caused your disorder?

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[Goal] I wish I could eat my weight in cheesecake
/u/Burlesqua [🌷 5'4'' | CW:108 | BMI:18 | 20/F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:34:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/906d7g/i_wish_i_could_eat_my_weight_in_cheesecake/
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that’s it. bury me in cream cheese

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[Other] *internal screaming*
/u/anthrthrowawayreddit
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:17:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90686s/internal_screaming/
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https://i.redd.it/vfbdf4y7ywa11.jpg

---

I am underweight, I want to gain weight but I am never hungry
/u/WalkingOutOfEyedias
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:12:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9066pv/i_am_underweight_i_want_to_gain_weight_but_i_am/
---
I hope this is a valid submission. I am fairly underweight and always was. I eat kid portions, cant finish an entire kebab, cant finish a medium sized pizza in one sitting, am content with one average sized bowl of curry etc.


Im a guy and honestly I wish I was buff and could gain weight, but it seems impossible. I just wish I wouldnt have to eat, its like im not interested in food even though a lot of it tastes very good. My mother thinks im simply too lazy, and that its just very bad habits. It has always been like that though (I remember my kindergarten teacher trying to shovel spoons in my mouth). After years and different people trying to get me to gain weight, she has given up and just frowns when I visit and I dont finish the food she cooks. Its like I have this stubborn unwillingness to feed myself. I could go without eating an entire day, I would just eventually feel cold and maybe have a bit of a grumble in my stomach, but not more. I would tell myself to get something to eat now, because I know I really should, but I dont really care for it, dont really want to but will reluctantly- essentially I am just not hungry. Often I just cant be fucked to cook something, even though I dont even mind cooking and have all the ingredients at home, other times people literally put food in front of me and I just reject it for reasons i dont understand. I like eating alone though and prefer that to other people being there and \*watching\* me, so maybe that has something to do with it. I mean people tried to force me to eat all my life, but likewise I have had this condition all my life (I was born prematurely and was a very picky kid).


People have told me I look like a holocaust survivor or gollum or something whenever I take my shirt off, so obviously I wish I could change it. I went to the gym for a while, drank weight gainers, protein shakes as well as trying to eat properly and regularly and only ended up gaining 5kg. I did this for several months and it kinda felt like a wasted effort. Likewise if I spend a week at home doing nothing, just feeding on garbage like cereal or dry bread etc. I dont end up losing weight either. Its like my body is fixed. It sucks. Ideally I would want to gain, so that I can work out and gain muscle and look good, but it sure seems impossible.


I feel fine, I manage to live with my life like a normal human being, I am happy and I have accepted the way I am a long time ago. I am not suicidal or anything. I just don't understand how I can do all the same things my friends and roommates do whilst eating significantly less than them. I dont relate to other people with eating disorders at all. I have met a couple, they think \*I get them\* or their mentality or something, but I don't really. I can only relate to their symptoms I suppose (like getting a head rush when standing up to quickly, always freezing etc.) but not to their motivations or other things really. Im also not hesitant to pick something up to eat quickly on the go etc. I eat meat, no moral issues or with eating in general.


Sometimes I have appetite to eat something specific, and Ill go to great lengths to cook it the way I like, but ill still only eat one bowl, although I could technically fit another one or at least a little bit more, I would just have to go to the kitchen and get it. However at that moment eating is something I am not concerned with anymore, its not a problem to deal with anymore and of no interest to me. Sometimes if I really like the food, or if spent a lot of energy (doing a lot of sport or something equivalent) ill eat until I am truly full though.

Because of university I try to make myself eat three times a day because I know it affects my studying in one way or another and I know that you cant expect a car to race if you dont fuel it adequately. But thats ultimately the only reason I eat at all. Yes food can taste good, but I eat because I have to and cant get around it. I actually tried to sustain on food supplement shakes for a while because I thought that it would be more convenient than having to eat, it wasnt really an option though. People ask me if I'm anorexic but I dont puke after eating and I dont want to be thin. To me it doesnt really matter how you would classify it. I just know that it's unhealthy and its not what I want, so what the fuck is wrong with me and how do I fix it?


Thank you in advance, Im just looking for an explanation and possibly advice

---

How to properly calculate body fat?
/u/DeltaDallas
Created: Thu Jul 19 08:11:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9066nl/how_to_properly_calculate_body_fat/
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If this is already posted elsewhere Im more than happy to delete!


Im seeing a lot of contracitery ways to figure out body fat? Right now I have scales which I have been using to track my body weight but I noticed that I cant really see any weight actually shifting from my body so I invested in some fat callipers and messuring tape but every sourse I find is giving me so many diffrent ways to do this?

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[Rant/Rave] When obese relatives are telling you "stop, you look ill."
/u/stlib [5'10" | CW: 141 lbs | BMI: 20.5 | -84 lbs | GW: 126 lbs | 21 F |]
Created: Thu Jul 19 07:36:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905wjg/when_obese_relatives_are_telling_you_stop_you/
---
I come from a fat family. Since moving out with my fiancée I have lost 6 stone (94lbs).

So we were having a 'family intervention' lunch yesterday because my mother goes through periods of manic depression and likes to drag everyone down with her whenever her mood goes down. I stop talking to her during these periods as every phone call is emotional black mail, hypocrisy and vitriol.

My mum and aunt both lost a good amount of weight (around 50-60 lbs) through Skimming World. My mum became a SWorld rep, winning a couple Miss Slinky/ Slimmer of the year awards between them. Lo and behold, they have both regained the weight they lost and then some. [(Well, we like the cake don't we?)](https://youtu.be/9XwbR7_k8Qc)

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to be around them, even on stable days. My order of a grilled chicken salad was met with a dramatic sigh. My aunt then proceeded to order a Tikka Masala, naan bread and rice. She then mentioned to my uncle she would like it if she could pinch "a couple" of his chips. By the time the meals hit the table, that meant half of my uncle's portion and 3/4 of my girlfriends (who wouldn't have eaten them anyway, she did offer but wow?).

During this meal, she mentioned that she thinks I look ill because of how thin I am. As you can see, I have a really good BMI for my height. In a previous conversation with my mother and aunt, they both said that I "talk about food and weight too much." Excuse the living fuck out of me, but 6 months ago when you were both at your LW you couldn't shut up about Syns and Hex-B optimisation and whatever other pseudoscience they teach people at SWorld. You were both telling me that I was wrong, that I can't do this without support, that I'll gain it all back because I'm only dieting where as SWorld is a \*LiFeSTyLe ChOiCE\*. [Mmhmm.](https://mtv.mtvnimages.com/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:mtv.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/tumblr_inline_nwj3w7ire01sbt3fl_500-1476882711.gif?quality=.8&height=280&width=500)

Just ugh. I understand they are coming from a place of love but when you're in a family where food = love this can get very tiring. I've been obese since I was 10 years old, I just want someone to validate me.

---

[Rant/Rave] Lunch at work
/u/TossThisBizz
Created: Thu Jul 19 07:35:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905w9q/lunch_at_work/
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Ugh this is a huge stressor for me at the moment and I just have to rant to people who’d actually understand

So at my job, my current work location is closing and my coworkers and I will be splitting to go to other locations. Because of this, my job is buying us lunch. We also have a customer who wanted to buy us lunch. Now our location is shutting down tomorrow so the plan was the customers lunch today and the work lunch tomorrow. They’d planned on some restaurant nearby for today and Mission BBQ tomorrow

Now I scoured the menu for today’s restaurant and figured the lowest calorie thing on the lunch menu was probably the roasted eggplant and artichoke heart salad with asparagus. All veggies, I don’t have to eat the whole thing, overall low cal and good. And as far as BBQ goes, I figured for tomorrow I’d bring my lunch (low cal lettuce wrap) “forgetting” that we were ordering, and I’d order with everyone else but I’d take it home to split with my husband for dinner. Half the calories but I still get to enjoy delicious BBQ relatively guilt free

Well they just fucked my plans because we have our regional coming today and she wants to order lunch with us so they’ve decided the work lunch will be today and the customer lunch tomorrow. So now everyone’s gonna want BBQ today and I don’t have a backup lunch. I’m supposed to have a friend over tonight and I’m not sure about dinner plans (already a stressor because I can’t plan ahead), and now I don’t have a low cal lunch to eat in lieu of BBQ. I mean I guess all I can really do is order what I would have ordered, not eat lunch and then let husband have his half for dinner tonight and I’ll have my half for dinner tomorrow evening. Only thing is when I’m literally ANYWHERE but work I’m fine with not eating but at work if heaven forbid I skip lunch I get a mega headache and I feel like throwing up

Sorry for the huge rant, I just had to get this off my chest

Tldr: my lunch plans for today and tomorrow have been completely fucked because I’m scared of calories

---

[Help] There's an AskReddit thread asking therapists what the signs are when you need help. Useful for symptoms outside of the "normal" ED ones.
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 53 | 17.71/17.50 | UGW: 54-55 (52.3?) | 26F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 07:34:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905w5h/theres_an_askreddit_thread_asking_therapists_what/
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[Non-participation link](https://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/8zw16o/serious_therapists_of_reddit_what_are_the_signs/)

I know we can't x-post shit (rule # 5) but I feel like this might be worthy of an exception.

---

Everything is going pretty good lately but I still want to self harm and restrict.
/u/KlokWerkN [5'9" | 128 | 18.9 | -59 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 07:32:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905ve8/everything_is_going_pretty_good_lately_but_i/
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I've been on Effexor and Abilify for 2 months and I think it's done a ton for my depression. I don't wake up feeling depressed everyday, I'll have a few bad days but it's totally better. Work is going fantastic and I just started dating someone that I really love and care about. So why am I still struggling with my eating behavior? Why do I still feel like I don't deserve to eat? It's really frustrating. I thought my ED behavior was tied into my depression but lately it really is starting to feel like it's own "thing". I just feel like maybe I'm faking it or something because I don't have any "reason" to do this anymore.

---

I made an Eating Disorder multireddit.. check it out!
/u/BIueJayWay [5"3| CW:107 |GW: 102 |BMI:19 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 07:30:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905uvu/i_made_an_eating_disorder_multireddit_check_it_out/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/ProEDmemes+proed+proedfood+edfood+1200isplenty+1200isjerky+1500isplenty+1200isfineiguessugh+intermittentfasting+fasting+1200isplentyketo+vegan1200isplenty+thinspocommunity

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Tried to let loose and now I feel like I'll be binging for the rest of my life
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 06:43:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905i98/tried_to_let_loose_and_now_i_feel_like_ill_be/
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I just need to get this out. Any encouragement would be so loved right now. I'm at work feeling so disgusted in myself. I was successfully restricting all week - as in Monday and Tuesday which isn't exactly much to be proud of - and finally the scale was falling again. I got down to a new LW - 92.5 lbs!!! - and was feeling really good. Happy.

Wednesday nights in my town we have free concerts and I have VIP tickets through work sponsorship. I restricted all day knowing I'd be going out for dinner and drinks....but I didn't prepare myself for the binge that happened :( I had probably 700 calories in drinks alone - I think about 8 rum and diets and a glass of red wine (wtf?) THEN my date and I went for a slice of wood-fired pizza, which had I stopped there, would have been fine....thin crust and healthy toppings, this place is pretty good and their slices are maybe 300 calories? That's my guess anyway. It was the first thing I ate that day so I was okay with it.

But no. I tell him "that's just an appetizer!" and he agrees he didn't feel full either. "Just an appetizer??" what's wrong with me? so we go to another place on the walk home and he orders loaded lattice fries. I eat half. I never eat fries, or cheese, or sour cream - those are HUGE fear foods for me :(

THEN we go back to my place and order a thin-crust domino's pizza and he insists on cheesy bread as well.

I can see where I was trying - insisting on the 10" thin crust - but I ate half of it, and probably 3 pieces of cheesy bread - and I'm in full panic mode this morning. I'm up to 96lbs on the scale - up FOUR pounds since yesterday....I'm at work all day and exhausted, I work with kids so I have to eat, and I just feel like I have absolutely no idea how many calories I consumed last night between slice #1, the fries, and domino's - I hate drunk me. I know this is a long rant and probably makes no sense. I just need to know how many calories I ate so I know how much weight I gained....and I need to have faith that I can restrict enough over the next few days to make up for it.....but those are both things I feel like I can't have and can't control and I hate this. Feel like I might as well just keep eating whatever since there's no point anyway. got a tim hortons smoothie on the way to work - I haven't ordered food at a fast food place in a year.....all bets are off

---

[Help] Apple Cider Vinegar
/u/silencx [H:5'11" | CW:130 ]
Created: Thu Jul 19 06:21:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905cps/apple_cider_vinegar/
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Do you guys get it with or without the mother? My internet research seems to conclude that acv with the mother is better for appitite suppression, but I just wanted to double check here before buying any.

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Does abusing laxatives (taking 3x the dosage almost every day for two years) help you lose calories from "non" digestion, or is it simply losing water weight and becoming extremely dehydrated?
/u/I_Love_Spiders_AMA [5' 7" | CW 137 | GW 110 | -45 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 06:17:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905bye/does_abusing_laxatives_taking_3x_the_dosage/
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I swear to god I'm only confident enough to post here and anywhere else when I'm drunk. So drunk me really wants to know the question in the title. I slightly abused laxatives in my restriction, over-exercising stage from 2016-2017 of my eating disorder--when it really developed--but after my life had some extreme stressors introduced and I did not handle them well, and I gained 15 pounds in the span of two months.

That 15 pounds may as well have been depression, anxiety, anger, self-hatred, and disgust balled up into one ugly creature because it had shaped me into a self-loathing, insecure, and pathetic version of myself. I so ioncredibly despise myself for destroying what I had worked so hard for--a body that was not that fat...

Any fucking ways, this all has caused me to abuse laxatives so heavily. Lately not so much. A big wake-up-call was me ruining my boyfriend's birthday by not being able to go to the city zoo because I was in genuine agony on the bathroom floor for two hours from stomach cramps.

I have a history of abusing painkillers and I think even the action of taking more laxatives than I should triggers this excitement inside of me because I know it's wrong. Also, waking up in the morning and shitting your brains out, regardless of the pain, makes me look and feel so skinny afterwards.

So my question is--and sorry for TMI--even though I can see whole, undigested foods in my BMs(bowel movements I have no idea why the fuck this embarrasses me), does that mean I'm waking up 5 pounds lighter because I actually lost weight, or because the entire process dehydrated me and I need water and electrolytes?

Thanks for those who took the time to read, I know this is probably a hot mess but I love all of you here.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support July 19, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jul 19 06:11:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905ais/weekly_emotional_support_july_19_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 19, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jul 19 06:10:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/905a87/daily_food_diary_july_19_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 19, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Help] Do I ask?
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Thu Jul 19 05:18:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904yxv/do_i_ask/
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I am stupidly underweight which isn’t all that attractive and quite frankly, is dangerous. I need to sort myself out.

I have a friend who has been there for me in all situations. Each time I try to buy protein bars/ granola bars I can’t do it because the calories and variation panics me.

I’m considering asking my friend whether I could just give them some money and have them make the decision.

I don’t want to seem needy or weak, but I also can’t afford to lose weight and can’t bring myself to buy the god damn granola bars.

Would this be an okay thing to do?!

---

Feeling guilty over spending too much money?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:58:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904uju/feeling_guilty_over_spending_too_much_money/
---
Yesterday I watched a documentary about how the crisis has hit venezuela and it's people, they met up with a family, and everyone was really really skinny, with sunken in cheeks and a what you'd consider thinspo-body - they basically ate nothing but the cheapest stuff in tiny amounts (corn porrige once a day or so).

Yesterday I bought an organic banana for 50 cents instead of a package with 7 bananas for 1$ because I only wanted one and had already planned my meals on mpf. I bought an expensive drink, then fucking poured in into the sink to put in the diet version instead because I was going out with friends and wanted to make them believe I was drinking the regular stuff. Today I got a coffee drink (way too expensive!), but only looked at the calories later because I was with a friend (and she didn't even got anything or suggested we should get something, so it's not that I 'had' to get something, I was just in the mood of spending money!), and just saw that it was like 130 calories for the bottle, so I might just throw it out. This week I also ordered fucking chewing gum for 15$ and last week a ton of diet bullshit for like 50$. Damn.

There are people getting by on like 5$ a month AND losing weight. This is what I'd much rather do - eat tiny amounts of the cheapest stuff, spend almost no money on food, drink water and lose weight - not 'cheat' around with diet food and throw so much money out of the window. I feel really guilty about this now :( I mean, I could easily get by a whole month on like a pack of oatmeal, a dozen eggs and a big bag of frozen veggies. 3$!

Anyone else in the same boat?

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[Other] What I learnt in rehab 🐽
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:54:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904tmd/what_i_learnt_in_rehab/
---
PIG=

Problems (with)
Instant
Gratification

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[Discussion] 😍 what are your goals?? Is it a # or...?
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:42:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904r7i/what_are_your_goals_is_it_a_or/
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My goals are

To have a great thigh gap, not this fake one I have at moment where if my heels and toes are touching, then so do my thighs (unless I pop my ass out)

For my boyfriend to tell me I’m too skinny and not to lose anymore weight (currently he says I’m perfect but he’s said that from when I meet him at 68kg start ———->55kg current

To be on the borderline of underweight BMI

To buy kids clothes (I’m short)

To be 15% body fat, so I can see definition of my abs.

To be size 00 American

To weigh 99 lbs


GOALS I HAVE REACHED

Buying XS clothes
Can see my ribs
Total weight loss 29kg in 9 months
Gone from obese to healthy BMI
Size 2 American

WHAT IT HAS COST ME

Waste of money on b/p
Have never gone on date w bf as I don’t enjoy eating (well secretly I love it)
Avoid social situations with food involved
Staying out late to miss meals

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[Discussion] DAE think that when they take laxatives they are literally a bag of shit
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:32:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904pah/dae_think_that_when_they_take_laxatives_they_are/
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Sorry if inappropriate, it’s just how I feel with my stomach slushing around.

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[Help] I’ve lost 82.5 pounds since last July and I’ve finally made it to a “normal” weight.
/u/pastelmang [ 5'10 | cw167.5 | bmi24.0 | gw150 |-82.5 | 24f]
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:24:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904nkn/ive_lost_825_pounds_since_last_july_and_ive/
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Title says it all. Hello guys! I used to post here every now and then on a different account but got scared cause it contained my name. This is just a throwaway account. Now I’ve lost a lot of weight and I finally have a what doctors and others would say an “average” weight... but I can’t seem to stop this mindset of restricting. I still see myself at 260 pounds.. I’ve been so desperately trying to recover but eating at “maintenance” level just seems so fucking insane - how do people do it? Are there any other people in this boat... that just want to maintain for a little bit... mostly to avoid suspicion from families and friends... I don’t know. Thanks guys!

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[Rant/Rave] I Am a Terrible Human
/u/_Pulltab_ [ 5'7" | CW 177| BMI 27.7 | -18 |GW 135 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:06:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904k5b/i_am_a_terrible_human/
---
Going to visit my best friend next week - I haven’t seen her in a few months, not before I started seriously restricting. I’m down 20 now but would like to get another 5 pounds before the end of next week. She’s a personal trainer and has, like, 0 body fat. She’s also the most amazing human being on the planet.

But me, fucked up person that I am, wants her to notice my weight loss and express concern so I can be all breezy and be like, “nah, I’m cool, I’ve just really been watching what I eat” and then dismiss the subject.

TL/DR; I suck.

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't even care anymore
/u/churromatsuisbae
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:02:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904jfq/i_dont_even_care_anymore/
---
TW ahead.


I'm so depressed I can't even bother getting out of bed. I want to starve to death. I don't care about recovery anymore. I don't even care about going out or being alive. I just want to spend my last days peacefully in my room, without any food, or scales, or responsabilities, to disturb me.

---

Have your say in newspaper piece
/u/Cristina_Odone
Created: Thu Jul 19 04:00:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904iyx/have_your_say_in_newspaper_piece/
---
I'm writing a piece about body dysmorphia, and the use and abuse of steroids among young men. The piece will touch on sources of psychological and social pressure, such as the Love Island tv show, but I'm most interested in interviewing those affected. Would anyone like to be interviewed (and potentially photographed) for the piece?

NB only 16 years +

---

Happy hour???
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: 106 | GW: idk | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 03:53:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/904hlt/happy_hour/
---
Whats your go to drink/ beer and how do you count the calories????? Help pls!

---

[Other] Cramps
/u/pinpeach
Created: Thu Jul 19 02:53:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90466r/cramps/
---
Does anyone else feel horrible
cramps all over their body the first few days after you start low restricting? I know what the cramps are from i just want to see what other people have experienced haha. They are hurting me so bad right now i can’t sleep.

---

Drew my demon at work.
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 53 | 17.71/17.50 | UGW: 54-55 (52.3?) | 26F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 02:43:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9044gz/drew_my_demon_at_work/
---
https://i.imgur.com/5Vc0O6e.jpg

---

[Help] Eating before the gym?
/u/celestialmisstep [5'4" | -37lb | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 02:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9042m5/eating_before_the_gym/
---
So I’ll be going to the gym today (for the first time in toooooo long) and I was wondering what kind of foods you guys usually eat before the gym/exercise? I’m trying to break my instinct to fast cause there’s truly nothing more embarrassing than blacking out in somewhere like that.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why aren’t there any pants that fit me???
/u/kein0815
Created: Thu Jul 19 02:25:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90416a/why_arent_there_any_pants_that_fit_me/
---
I recently accepted that I won’t fit into my size 36 summer pants soon so I went and bought new ones (size 40/ size L). EU/ German sizes btw. For reference I’m at a BMI 22.

My thighs aren’t slim at all but since they are quite muscular (I go running 6 times a week) I’m okay with that. HOWEVER every pants I found either fit my thighs but are to loose around the waist/ hips or the other way around.

IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO MAKE PANTS THAT FIT MORE THAN 3 DIFFERENT BODY SIZES???? I mean jfc I can imagine there are more people with a similar problem and stores still have the FUCKING DECENCY to pretend that every kind of woman will fit into one of their 3 sizes??? Sometimes you’re “lucky” and they’ll still have XS and XL - however NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME PROPORTIONS.


Now I’m walking around looking like a blob because I can’t find any fitting clothes.

---

[Rant/Rave] The recovery bs seems to be over now
/u/space-crumpet [178 cm | GW: 65kg | F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 01:57:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/903w06/the_recovery_bs_seems_to_be_over_now/
---
**Definitely triggering!**

I made this solid promise to my therapist and myself that I'm recovering. Hitting 1k kcal a day and maintaining it, then trying to extend it to 1500. I've been in a such a good mood again. We even started to have sex again regularly.

I woke up today and knew it wouldn't be easy. I weighted myself with no improvement whatsoever, I'm stuck for way too many days. So the situation went even worse. Then my husband decided to have a talk about me going to the dietitian (I'm already having a therapy and I'm on medication, so come on!) during breakfast. He knows I need to focus during the meal, and yet decided to talk to me.

He left for work (he leaves earlier than me), and I purged all the breakfast. I made myself a purging feast. I was drinking water and emptying my stomach. It was such a relief for a moment.

I'm a complete mess today. I'm deep into restricting again, and I don't even want to recover anymore.

---

[Discussion] Extreme water fasting
/u/sofied9
Created: Thu Jul 19 01:45:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/903tn1/extreme_water_fasting/
---
So it's july 19 today and school for me starts August 6th.Since school is around the corner I'm desperate to lose 20lbs by then so I'm going to be doing a diet that is both dumb and maybe dangerous.Starting today till August 5th I'll be doing what i call intermediate water fasting.The first 24hrs I'll be consuming nothing but 13 liters or 3 1/2 gallons of water.the next day I'll have half of that I'll also be eating some plain salt that day at least a tbsp.then the next 7 days I'll be doing 13 liters or 3 1/2 gallon daily but with a max of 500 cals.3 days after that I'll have no water with only 100 calories daily.the last 6 days will consist of drinking 7-10 liters with 1000 calories daily.

Do you think this is good,ok,bad,or just way too much?

---

[Help] So... About that whole "bouncing and recovering" thing :'( [TW: self-harm]
/u/AnAccidentSince1997 [5'10'' | CW: 183 | GW: 160 | Weight Lost: 42 lb | F 21]
Created: Thu Jul 19 00:54:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/903jax/so_about_that_whole_bouncing_and_recovering_thing/
---
Ugh. Before I had posted that, I had been "recovering" for a couple days. All in all, I'd say that I'd did really well for a bit under a week. Then suddenly I freaked out. I don't know why.

I don't want to get too into the details, but the cuts on my arm are now much bigger than before, and most definitely my "my bearded dragon scratched me" or "I don't know I guess I scraped it when I was drinking" excuses will be remotely believable. These are clearly self harm cuts. Fuck. Fuck. Why did I do that? Why? Fuck. My mom is going to freak. She's picking me up in exactly 1 week. I started using healing and scar cream, but fuck I don't think it will help.

How am I supposed to recover?! I was so ready. I set up a goals chart. I was reaching them everyday. I was happy. I wasn't thinking about it in a negative way. My mindset was right. Then I just freaked out! Is this going to be how it goes? I "recover" for 5 days and then I cut myself until the blood is dripping down my arm and relapse right back into It all !?!??! Fuck fuck fuck.

---

eating disorders are soOoOo beautiful!!
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 114| LW: 110 |HW: 134|UGW: 105|19F]
Created: Thu Jul 19 00:43:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/903h4u/eating_disorders_are_sooooo_beautiful/
---
since i've relapsed back into my ED i feel so pretty!!! i fast as much as i can to the point where i feel so guilty i want to cry a little bit whenever i eat anything <3 i exercise every single day to the point where i physically can't anymore and i just kinda lay there on the floor staring at the ceiling in pain wondering why i'm even doing this if i can't even see the results in the mirror :) i think the pain in my chest is anxiety but my anxiety tells me it's my heart failing because i'm underweight :0 two days ago i purged in an old, smelly mcdonalds bag i found in my friend's dirty car and missed the dumpster when i tried to toss away the evidence and i think someone saw me but i ran away before i could tell for sure :3 i weigh myself up to five times a day and whatever is on the scale determines whether or not i eat!! uwu i've forgotten what it means to eat normally because i either binge or fast, there's no middle ground :P every time i hit a goal weight i make it lower because i'm not good enough and i'll never be good enough until i inevitably die from this horrible disease!! some days i want to eat normally because everything hurts and i'm dizzy and cold but i can't even force myself to eat enough calories hehehe eating disorders are so beautiful i pray to goddess ana every day to make me skinny <3 <3 <3

[srs] i'm really glad there's a sane group of people i can talk about this with. i'm at a new low but i don't feel so alone.

---

[Help] Nausea after taking multivitamin
/u/ilonacamille
Created: Thu Jul 19 00:28:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/903e2o/nausea_after_taking_multivitamin/
---
So I took a multivitamin with my coffee and I feel really sick right now. Has anyone else experienced this? When does the nausea go away/how can you make it go away quicker?

---

[Discussion] so what’s your ideal shopping list?
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Wed Jul 18 23:56:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9037nm/so_whats_your_ideal_shopping_list/
---
not sure if there’s another or more so recent posting regarding this topic but im just curious. im going shopping for groceries tomorrow and trying to budget only to low cal foods that are actually filling. 🍓

---

How my ED ruined my first dancing lesson :)))))
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 125 | 18.08 bmi | gw: 110 | 18f]
Created: Wed Jul 18 23:55:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9037gy/how_my_ed_ruined_my_first_dancing_lesson/
---
So, with my abusive dad not allowing me to dance for my whole life, after moving out I've finally decided to take dancing lessons. I thought it'd be exciting and amazing and I'd finally be breaking out of this shell of abuse and shit.

So I went dancing, and after removing all of the mirrors in apartment so I wouldn't have to see myself, of course there were these big ass mirrors. And everybody else's figures were SO GOOD.

One half of the girls were so dainty and stick thin and the others weren't as much, but they had such nice curves. And there I stood, being none of both worlds, and had to stare at myself in the mirror for an hour straight. I think I've never been this sad in my whole life and I walked out of there on the verge of crying. Now, I never want to go there again.

I feel like shit.

---

[Rant/Rave] The shit that tears me apart
/u/edgy-af
Created: Wed Jul 18 23:40:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9034ez/the_shit_that_tears_me_apart/
---
i don’t know if you guys want a trigger warning, but here it is. this shit triggers me to no end, so i’d stop here if you want any semblance of happiness in your life.

i saw [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/9018yj/if_you_can_judge_a_guy_for_his_height_you_can/?st=JJS49Y2X&sh=5a2173a8) post today. oooh my god. oooohhhh my fuckingggg goddd. oohhhhhhh my goD.

i just. i can’t, guys.

is it physically possible that i control my weight? yes. is my doctor going to yell at me about it tomorrow? yes, she will. i hate that bitch (but i need to see her for a refill on my lexapro 🤙🏻).

but goddamn. my fucking eating disorder makes it pretty difficult to Get Fit!™️.

i see it everywhere on reddit. fat girls are the most undesirable creatures on the planet. and yes creatures cuz i think a lot of these nasty bastards would fuck dogs or horses or like dragons idk.

i’m feeling great, guys. i feel. so good. i just wanna. hahahaha. it’s so good.

i love being a fatass with a stupid food addiction. EVERYONE LIKE CARBS SADIE U ARENT SPECIAL. i should stop being a little bitch cuz maybe then i’ll be skinny and some dude on reddit would make a vulgar comment about my body. but it’s better than the alternative (to me).

i hate being fat. i hate being hated for being fat. i hate being sad. i hate being out of control. i hate being me. lol i just am so not into this rn.

anyway this post made so much sense i hope u all heard it in ur hearts and will do me a favor and stab me :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Well... that didn't go well.
/u/tcs_hearts
Created: Wed Jul 18 23:20:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90307j/well_that_didnt_go_well/
---
I told my mom I have an eating disorder. I decided to tell her before one of my friends slips up or something, or she notices my partner making sure I eat when we go out to dinner, or something like that. I didn't tell her I wanted help, I don't want help. I am not ready.

First of all, I'm overweight, so she didn't believe me. She didn't believe that I had been restricting for over a year. She challenged me and questioned me because "well, I've seen you eat recently" and "Where is this celery you've been eating?" And kept looking like she didn't believe me and that my probably wasn't serious. She said "that is probably unhealthy." And said the great "You should eat healthy things." Ignoring the fact that if I did eat just healthy things, I wouldn't be having more than 100 calories or so.

Then I finally got her to somewhat believe me when I explained it more, regretting it the entire time. NOW she wants me to give her a written report of everything I eat. This is even worse, compounded with the fact that my partner demands pictures of my food at least twice daily. I feel so stressed and pressured to eat and all I want to do is restrict. I just feel defeated and pressured.

---

[Help] Vitamin recommendations?
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Wed Jul 18 23:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902wuo/vitamin_recommendations/
---
Preferably from target which ones do you guys use? Multipurpose ones? Specially ones for hair? What’s worked best for you?

---

Need low calorie cuisine suggestions for eating out!!
/u/bomb_dot_calm [5'3" | CW:145lbs | 25.7 | HW: 145 | LW: 119.8 | GW: 100]
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:47:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902svn/need_low_calorie_cuisine_suggestions_for_eating/
---
I'm moving back to NYC, where the culture is that you eat out for almost every meal. This is how a lot of professional networking takes place there, so it's important to me to be able to order food with minimal fanfare as its not considered seemly to draw attention to yourself in that context (so no asking about calorie counts and minimal modification requests). The one thing that I do have control over is which restaurants I eat at.

Luckily, there are a ton of food options from almost every country you could think of there. I was wondering if any of you lovelies had any particular suggestions for cuisine/dish recommendations that are easy to make low calorie.

So far, my go to is sushi/japanese, order a sashimi platter and then just don't eat the rice.

I usually like Thai and Indian but I don't know of orders that are safely low calorie for those. Any and all suggestions are welcome! Thank you xx

---

[question] *see below*
/u/WishIWasInEngland
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:46:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902sml/question_see_below/
---
this is probably a stupid question --

if my body were starving SO much could it get the nutrients from my acne? i’ve looked this up and it didn’t say yes or no and i know it’s probably no but i thought it couldn’t hurt to ask (sorry if it’s an incredibly stupid question)

---

TFW You have to pretend your semi-binge is a "nice late night study snack"
/u/Highoffempty [5'9|CW: 143.3 | GW: 120 | UGW: 106 |Lbs lost: 16.7]
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:44:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902s6e/tfw_you_have_to_pretend_your_semibinge_is_a_nice/
---
I've been having trouble controlling my binges recently. It sucks.

I went into the kitchen and my mom is there. She asks if I need anything since she's there. When I'm studying she just wants me to study and I told her I'd get it but she said that she would and that I should keep studying. So I ask for grilled cheese with yogurt and peanut butter. Then I eat it in like 5 minutes and go back down and she asks if I need anything else.

"I loved the yogurt it was really good! Can I have the same thing?" Acting in mid binge like you're just "going for seconds" when it is a crazy amount of peanut butter is so insane. I don't want to worry her so she doesn't know that I have an ed. She's the loveliest person really but when she tried to hide that she was surprised that I was going back 5 minutes later for a huge bowl of full fat yogurt and peanut butter it made me want to melt into the floor.

Pretending a binge is just a little fun late night study snack is so strange. It's like I'm seeing myself act how a "normal" person would in relation to just eating when hungry during studying. But inside I'm dying. It's so..ugh

Anyway, my "late night study snack" makes me want to cry:/

---

Anyone that can read Chinese? Does this packet say how many calories there are?
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:42:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902rrv/anyone_that_can_read_chinese_does_this_packet_say/
---
https://i.redd.it/p1twy0go3ua11.jpg

---

Living at home is hard
/u/dragaynite
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:35:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902q6e/living_at_home_is_hard/
---
Does anyone else live at home with their family? I’ve been trying to fast for at least two days but always break it at the ~20 hour mark because my parents expect me to eat dinner with them. The only time I can successfully fast are if I’m scheduled to close at work and don’t eat when I get home, which is around 10:30pm. I’m closing these next two days so I’m praying I can stick with my fast this time.

Idk it’s just hard to not eat when my parents, especially my mom, make comments about my eating habits. I don’t want them to worry or question me, I just want to lose weight in peace.

---

So frustrated, and scared
/u/ragamuffin_77
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:14:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902leh/so_frustrated_and_scared/
---
I have been exercising 5 days a week, eating under 1000 cal every day and even purging when I’m close to 1000. And yet my weight has stopped dropping. I lost 20 pounds (and still need to lose more to even have a normal bmi so it’s not like I don’t have weight to lose.

And now I’ve told my therapist I will have a consultation for an ed therapy. I want to lose more weight before that starts but I’m at a loss as to how.

So frustrating

---

BPD and interpersonal issues as ED triggers
/u/Ecosynn
Created: Wed Jul 18 22:00:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902hta/bpd_and_interpersonal_issues_as_ed_triggers/
---
Anyone else BPD with interpersonal/romantic relationship issues as MAJOR triggers to your ED?

I had been doing well but difficulties in my relationship has recently brought back my issues, specifically restriction and occasional binging (outside of ED, self-harm behaviors and suicidal thoughts).

I know this partially stems from my personality disorder (that I struggle to accept in the first place), so I'm curious who else experiences this and how you handle it? I'm in a tough place but I'm at the point where I know I can stop myself from descending if I really work at it, but it's so hard to get there. Thanks!

---

I feel so helpless
/u/kiill-me-now
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:56:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902gxk/i_feel_so_helpless/
---
I can't stop binging, I restrict and binge, restrict and binge. I started to gain some of the weight I initially lost due to a restrictive phase and it just makes me want to stop eating, but after about twenty-five hours I can't help but binge. I started to self-harm again, something I haven't done in years. I'm honestly getting worried, I can't control myself. I started having suicidal thoughts. I know I'm not nearly as bad as someone with a real eating disorder, I just have really disordered eating, but I feel like if I don't get help or change something it's just going to get worse. I've always been a little heavier, but I lost a lot of the extra weight I was carrying around and I'm terrified of gaining it back, but that's where I'm headed. :( I just needed to feel like I talked to someone, because I feel so helpless and out of control.

---

You would be prettier if you went to the gym
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:41:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902de7/you_would_be_prettier_if_you_went_to_the_gym/
---
My idiot boyfriend just said this to me.

I was telling him how I’m just feeling really bad about myself today, and am just feeling kind of ugly because of a skin flare up, and he says, “No, you’re the cutest. I’m so lucky. You’re so beautiful. If you started going to the gym I can’t even imagine how much more beautiful you would be. I mean, you know, because everyone looks better when they go to the gym... I mean, you’re super beautiful the way you are... naturally... but everyone looks better if they go to the gym. But you’re still beautiful the way you are.”

... This idiot thinks he complimented me. I feel even worse about myself now. Am I overreacting? I don’t understand why he had to add that part in there when I had just told him I’m not feeling good about myself. I had not even mentioned weight as the reason. Like, if you’re trying to make me feel better, just end it at “you’re so beautiful” and then shut the fuck up maybe?

Am I overreacting? It just felt like a slap in the face and negated all of the good things he said before it. Ugh.

---

Loosing weight is too easy now
/u/CelebrityMax [5'11| CW:151| -34 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:41:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902dd7/loosing_weight_is_too_easy_now/
---
Does anyone ever get scared or something like that for a second when they catch a quick glimpse at how slender you are now? I just saw my knobbly knees and a thigh gap I didn't really know I had and now I feel kinda shook.. didn't expect this feeling!

---

[Rant/Rave] ”You need protein for the baby”
/u/Beyanka2011
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:39:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/902csk/you_need_protein_for_the_baby/
---
I spent the day with my husband’s dad and stepmom because they hadn’t seen our son in a while. It was a chill day, and we were all having a good time in each other’s company.

Until... lunch. They made pork tenderloin, roasted potatoes and onions, and a salad. I was actually starving at this point so I decided to make a good decision and fill myself up on this salad.

For whatever reason, my MIL started pushing me to eat this stupid pork and as the title says, she looking me in the eyes and told me, “You need protein for the baby.”

To be fair, I’m 5 weeks pregnant. But I’m not showing, “glowing”, or anything else. My husband isn’t close to them and he said he hasn’t told them anything. Which means that I’m so fat that she just looked at me and went, “Yeah, of course she’s pregnant.”

Yay me. I’m never eating again.

---

[Help] Throwing up bile before food?
/u/pipercloe
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:01:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90234q/throwing_up_bile_before_food/
---
So basically all the information i’ve found online is telling me that if i’m throwing up bile, my stomach is empty. But today I started throwing up bile when it looked like I had hardly gotten any of the food that i had eaten out. Is that even possible?? Would my body seriously send up bile with a good amount of food still in my stomach?

---

[Help] Text - kik buddy ! Accountability / curb cravings
/u/Themermaidmomma
Created: Wed Jul 18 21:00:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9022xp/text_kik_buddy_accountability_curb_cravings/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] Nobody likes you when you're 23 (I don't even like me)
/u/dietdisorder [5'3.5"|HW 155|CW 134 |BMI 23.4|GW 120|F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 20:13:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901qz7/nobody_likes_you_when_youre_23_i_dont_even_like_me/
---
I just binged and purged for the first time in about 7 months the day before my birthday. I feel like such a failure. I've been killing my restricting game, and I finally hit my first goal weight, so I convinced myself I deserved a cheat meal from my one true love-Popeye's. Turns out, midway through the meal I decided if I finished it that I would gain 10lbs miraculously overnight and no longer be able to greet 24 at the weight I wanted. So, instead of stopping one piece of chicken down, I relapsed. It's fine. I'm okay. It's fine. I don't \*have\* to do it again. Tomorrow is a new day. Year 24 is the first year I will be purge free.

---

A different type of cautionary tale, and a goodbye
/u/ExtraQueerrestrial
Created: Wed Jul 18 20:10:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901q8v/a_different_type_of_cautionary_tale_and_a_goodbye/
---
Hi proED friends.

I’ve been recovering for about a year now, and this week I’ve had to come face to face with some very real consequences. Not the repercussions that normally get talked about, but a different type.

A couple of years ago, someone very close to me died and I relapsed into my ED hard. In a few months, I lost 20lbs off of an already low average BMI. I spent a lot of time isolating myself and restricting, but outside of that I felt relatively in control. I was losing weight, I was still going to work and functioning. I didn’t think my grief was hitting me too hard. My partner was concerned, but somewhat quiet about my weight loss and maintained being a wonderfully supportive human with seemingly endless compassion and patience.

I began recovering about a year ago, and I feel like i hit the last few phases of full recovery within the past 3 months. My weight is restored, I am healthy, eating intuitively without counting calories, and I threw out my scale. I am vibrant, healthy, positive, making friends, and learning skills.
Everything in my life is better, except...my relationship is strained.

I couldn’t figure out why. I think I’m being a better partner, I have more time, more energy, more libido, and I’m more present. I love him fully with all of my heart, why does it feel icky?

This week we finally talked about it. He told me that even though things are better now, he is still working through the pain I caused him during my relapse. Even though I was too mentally faded to remember much, he remembers with sharp clarity every time I tried to push him away.

My ED caused me to be mean, snappy, and to try and literally run off my partner. I remember being upset because I couldn’t starve myself around him. I remember my nutrient depleted body being so irritable and callous that I yelled at him and shut him out.

Y’all, I love this human more than anything else on the planet. Thankfully, he is willing to process with me and with his therapist so that he can work on getting past the pain I caused. I don’t know what I did to be so lucky.

I was willing to sacrifice a lot for my ED in its depths. I was willing to sacrifice my body, my brain, my friendships, everything, but if I had known this would have been a repercussion of my restriction I would have sought help so much sooner. I would rather be 300000lbs than put my partnership on the line and cut my sweetheart so deeply.

Anyway, this has been a very long post so thanks if you made it this far. I know as well as the rest of us that it’s not so easy as to “just stop”, but I just wanted to post my story because if you’re thinking of recovering...and don’t wanna do it for you...maybe you can find some way to do it for the people/person you love?

I’m unsubscribing. I love you all.

---

[Help] EC stacking on antidepressants?
/u/rougoku [5'7" | CW: 136 & BMI: 21 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 20:05:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901ovy/ec_stacking_on_antidepressants/
---
I take duloxetine for my anxiety, and I’m wanting to try EC stacking. Has anyone here ever tried that before? I’m a bit worried but I also am so tired and hungry haha.

---

[Rant/Rave] idk how to feel
/u/impractically-me
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:55:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901mdu/idk_how_to_feel/
---
my shorts are starting to become too loose

i mean it’s good because that means i’m loosing weight, but bad because i can’t wear my favorite shorts for much longer until they’re way too big. so i’ll have to buy new ones.

---

[Help] Sorry if this is a dumb question but...
/u/philoqueen
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:41:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901ip4/sorry_if_this_is_a_dumb_question_but/
---
How do I post my weight/etc. stats next to my username like many of you here? I've been trying to look it up but I'm not even sure how to search it! Thanks for the help in advance!

---

Post sunburn swell/weight gain?
/u/InversionDink
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:37:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901hou/post_sunburn_swellweight_gain/
---
How long until this goes away, also what can I do to speed up the process or reduce the water retention? Thanks:)

---

[Other] Here's a depressing lol for you
/u/wanatanga
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:21:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901dks/heres_a_depressing_lol_for_you/
---
I've been secretly using speed lately in little doses throughout the day (and night - you know how it is..) in order to both remove my appetite and fill that darn emotional void that niggles away at you despite your ostensible happiness.

Anyway, my boyfriend text me earlier saying "You seem a lot more positive and pro-active lately - it suits you :)".

Hahaha...I am just the worst thing.

---

Flat tummy lollipops
/u/kelseyh1995
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:20:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901d6q/flat_tummy_lollipops/
---
Has anyone tried those flat tummy appetite suppressant lollipops?? They’re expensive so i want to make sure they work... i tried the tea and it didn’t really work but i want something that’ll help

---

[Rant/Rave] Guilt after being "found out"
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|~117|23F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 19:17:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/901cks/guilt_after_being_found_out/
---
I have a really healthy and loving relationship with my SO. He knows I had an ED in the past but isn't really familiar with that world, so I feel like I can share a lot with him without setting off alarm bells because he doesn't know what the signs are. I'll tell him when I'm feeling fat, when I feel like I've eaten too much, and when I've lost weight. He's seen me have panic attacks about my body and knows I regularly count calories. I don't shy away from telling him how I'm feeling because I trust him.

I'm on week three of a self-imposed regimen of high restricting and daily intense exercise. I'm not hiding the fact that I'm trying to get in shape - I record all my stats and workouts in a place where he can see them. I will admit that I'm getting a little obsessive, and think I think I've let my guard down - I've been complaining a lot about the digestive discomfort/exhaustion I've been experiencing (obviously from not eating enough), and I would act really weird whenever I was in a social situation where I had to eat more than I was used to. Was trying to sleep off the yuckiness the other day and my SO came in to check on me and gave me a long spiel about how he doesn't think I'm eating enough to be healthy, that he always tells me that I look great but I never seem to believe him, and that he doesn't want me to be constantly stressed over how I look. He wasn't yelling or mad, but he was very frustrated because he legitimately doesn't understand why I act that way.

I didn't jump to the defensive like I normally would. I listened to him and I told him I'd find a balance and that I didn't want him to worry, and asked him not to tell anyone else about it. It made me feel really guilty that I'd been "found out," like a little kid getting caught, which sucks because I have somewhat of an impostor complex about being a "real adult." I'm still working out like crazy and keeping calories at 1200ish because I don't want to break my streak and start a binge cycle. I just need to stop complaining and being so obvious. I think I need to be more conscious of not just blurting out every single thing my body is feeling because I don't want to worry him. We haven't talked about it since that discussion so I'm hoping it doesn't come up again.

\*\* I know this is a popular thing to do on this sub, but please no "dump him!!!" comments because a) we talked it out like adults, b) he is incredibly supportive and c) he only wants me to be happy and healthy.

---

[Help] I need help dealing with intrusive thoughts
/u/small-vile-of-poison
Created: Wed Jul 18 18:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9016gh/i_need_help_dealing_with_intrusive_thoughts/
---
Hi guys, I was wonder how you guys deal with negative intrusive thoughts? I’m struggling so much recently and some advice would be appreciated!

---

[Discussion] favorite celebrity body goals??
/u/astra2018
Created: Wed Jul 18 18:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9012tx/favorite_celebrity_body_goals/
---
my favorite celebrity body goals are: Kiera Knightly, Bella Hadid, and Alessandra Ambrosio. Who are your favorite celebrities for thinspo?? I’m also interested to see if there are any male thinspo celebs out there.

---

God bless trisha paytas
/u/wrappedinlust
Created: Wed Jul 18 18:20:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900xxk/god_bless_trisha_paytas/
---
Hi, new here. So, i'm in my very first fast for more than 48 hours. Currently at day five of it, and im REALLY craving some pasta. And for some reason, trisha mukbangs distracts me and help me not binge.
Any one else watch her? Also, if you have a favourite mukbanger, please let me know!! I live for people eating what i dont let myself eat

---

[Rant/Rave] Back on my bullshit
/u/ohwellolivia
Created: Wed Jul 18 18:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900sjt/back_on_my_bullshit/
---
Well, here it is. The accountability post. After gaining 15 lbs in a year, I’m back. I’m done with this shit. No more binging, no more purging, no more weight gain. Only strict restricting from now on. I’ll update when I’m 5 lbs lower. Love you all.

---

"You can't diet or lose weight right now..."
/u/LosingLemur [5'10"|CW: 134 |new BMI 18.8|SW:270+| F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 17:50:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900prr/you_cant_diet_or_lose_weight_right_now/
---
Cue my stupid ED brain snapping in two. Long story short I had surgery about six weeks ago. Everything is going fine, healing up nicely, except for ONE SPOT on top of my tailbone where apparently my skinny-fat bony ass doesn't have enough muscle/fat padding, coupled with a couple of deep stitches that my body "doesn't like" per the surgeon, leading to literally just a 1.5 cm area that hasn't healed right so the surgeon went back in today SNIPPING AWAY AT IT (also cue internal silent screaming since I could hear this going on but it didn't hurt) and now I have a HOLE there approx one cm deep that has to heal from the inside out - what he said could take another six weeks or up to TWO MONTHS to completely do. He says this is a better option than a second revision surgery since I'm so healthy (lol) and everything else has healed so well and so quickly. Here's the fun part - he made a point of telling me sternly twice that to make it heal faster, and heal well, I can't be calorie restricting ("You can't diet or lose any weight right now!") and need to have tons of protein. Protein I can do, but the very direct and pointed message on calorie restriction is so frustrating because I'M SO CLOSE DAMMIT. I'm SO CLOSE to my ultimate goal weight...which yes, like a lot of people on here's it's changed a couple of times, but I really do think it's 130. The suggested BMI calculator puts my lowest recommended healthy range weight (lol again) at 132lbs for my height, so I feel like 130 is a good ultimate goalpost because it will give me a little safety buffer if I fluctuate between 130 and say, 132-133. This morning I was at 134.1 lbs. I'm so close I can taste it, if goal weight tastes like stale rice cakes and spite... But I'm also a grown ass adult and I know it would be SO F'ING STUPID to mess with this healing process. This is a finite issue, I WILL heal and be done with this surgery thing and go on with my life in good health if I just quit my bullshit for a couple of weeks/months and stop doing my dumb binging/crazy low restricting and be NORMAL and eat at a healthy maintenance for like, six weeks. Surely that's not so hard? SURELY A GROWN ASS ADULT PROFESSIONAL CAN DO THIS. But then the ED part of my brain is like, but if you low restrict for just ONE MORE WEEK YOU'RE THERE. YOU'RE THEREEEEEEEEEEEE...... And the rational part, the adult professional part, says QUIT YOUR BULLSHIT AND EAT 2000 HEALTHY CALS OF LEAN PROTEIN AND VEGGIES AND STFU AND HEAL CORRECTLY YOU DUMMY. My surgeon definitely knows what I'm up to, hence the very pointed, but gentle, chiding. So instead of my big OMAD harvest salad for dinner I had that AND a whole turkey club and I know it's the right thing to do but I'm already sad that this means I surely won't see that 133 number on the scale tomorrow morning. Stupid ED brain... thank you for the space to vent, I can't do this anywhere else or to anyone else, lest the mask slip, you know?

---

[Discussion] Any reviews on the new Archer Farms ice cream?
/u/biztit [5'8" | 123.4 | 18.56 | female]
Created: Wed Jul 18 17:29:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900kaq/any_reviews_on_the_new_archer_farms_ice_cream/
---
It’s from Target’s brand and is 330 a pint (at least, I got the mint cookies and cream). I like Halo Top but... idk with HT, I don’t find it satisfying. Is this new brand good? I couldn’t find anything online!

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[Help] Help my shopping list?
/u/spinach84
Created: Wed Jul 18 17:22:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900ic5/help_my_shopping_list/
---
What are your favorite low calorie premade snacks? Like the kind you can just buy in a package ready to go? I need to eat something besides cucumbers and celery, so anything would be appreciated. (:

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[Rant/Rave] Another glamorous side to eating disorders
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Wed Jul 18 17:05:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900e1b/another_glamorous_side_to_eating_disorders/
---
Ya hair falls out. My B E A U T I F U L golden locks are no more. Straw-like, bristly tussles, uneven and frizzly, more snappable than extra long raw spaghetti.

Y’all will caress it gently, buy the most expensive treatments, dry it as if it were a newborn puppy, brush it as soft as you’d stroke a hummingbird. BUT NAW IT’S STILL COMING OUT. If you haven’t reached this stage, Turn back now or prepare. Saddening.

Gonna take a while to grow this shit back. If I start now it might be healthy for next year’s graduation. Unless, y’know, I die or have to take leave idk.

---

[Discussion] Go-to body check?
/u/tangerine_twist [5'8 | GW: 130 | 23.9 | 19F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 17:03:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900ddw/goto_body_check/
---
I always check my lower stomach for bloating and usually base how I’m feeling for my entire day off of that. Whenever I’m bloated the next day I know I ate too much.

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[Rant/Rave] High restricting but still too weak to do any exercise other than walking (rant)
/u/AgreeableReplacement [22F🍒5'8🍒~100lbs]
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:54:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900aw9/high_restricting_but_still_too_weak_to_do_any/
---
I've been eating close to my bmr for nearly a month now yet I still feel weak af. I'm mostly sedentary other than my daily hour long walk, chores/errands and light yoga & stretching routine. I see a bunch of people posting about how they're doing high intensity cardio daily on lower intakes than me and I feel like a failure. I tried doing a 10 minute HIIT workout the other day and could barely get through the first exercise. Also I drink a ton of water and sleep enough, caffeine and EC stacks don't work either. Ugh. :/

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Guy I had a crush on acted like he had never met me before
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:40:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/90071f/guy_i_had_a_crush_on_acted_like_he_had_never_met/
---
I was crushing on this guy who works at my local vape shop. I've seen him 6+ times, and he always remembered me. The last time I saw him he complimented a band t-shirt I was wearing and we talked for a few minutes and I was so smitten. Today I went in (thinking about offering my number, having thought of tons of things to say to him) super smiley as soon as I saw him and he acted like he had never even met me before. It was painfully obvious he was doing it on purpose. It just really hurts. He must have left our last interaction thinking "Oh God I bet she thinks I like her, better shut that down". :(

I bought binge food but gave most of it to my dog because I feel so awful about myself.

---

TRIGGERED
/u/Firerose157 [5'4" | 110 | 18.9 | hw 146 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:19:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/900105/triggered/
---
Watching a cooking show with my partner. The main person is this ep is an austraulian skinny chick who looks just like the girl my bf and i used to watch that he admitted he thinks is more attractive and took care of herself longer, among other things... That was prob about 2 years ago. So watching this show is triggering considering for one he made it seem like i can never be better looking tham that girl and that girl and this one is very toned/skinny. He prefers thick but i feel hed like me more if i were thin like her and "worked on myself longer" please keep me from binging lol need to lose

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[Rant/Rave] "You Look Like You've Lost Weight"
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:09:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzy2j/you_look_like_youve_lost_weight/
---
I work as a hostess. I've been here for about a year. This woman (who is sort of a regular) was sitting at the bar and commented that I look like I've lost weight. Okay. Idk how to feel about this comment. I'm 5'2 and back up to 95lbs. I was at 90 a few weeks ago, so I've actually G A I N E D weight. I wasn't even sure how to process that comment but the way she looked me up and down made me SUPER uncomfortable. I feel like a fat disgusting blob as it is. How do I look like I've lost when I'm up 5 lbs??? When I was down to 90lbs no one even noticed???

WHAT IS HAPPENING

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A success but also a disadvantage
/u/KittenX2017
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:08:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzxoz/a_success_but_also_a_disadvantage/
---
I went to the doctors today : lost 6 pounds and they congratulated me. Saying how I look "so much more better mentally" and that "exercise will help with your mood a lot!!"


Little do they know I haven't ate an actual meal in a week and I was exercising everyday......
I was going to speak up about my ED to my GP but it just feels so invalid?
I'm fat, and I'm happy I'm losing weight but having this huge off and on switch that turns on out of nowhere with my ED sucks

---

I renewed my First Aid CPR and AED certificate today.
/u/Funktionierende [25F | 5'2" | CW131.2lbs | SW185lbs | GW100lbs | BMI24]
Created: Wed Jul 18 16:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzvkq/i_renewed_my_first_aid_cpr_and_aed_certificate/
---
Last time I did this 3 years ago, I was singled out for the CPR training because I was large enough to be "challenging to perform CPR on".

This time, I was singled out for the carrys both because I'm small enough that anyone can carry me, and because I'm small enough that I was a good example of how challenging it can be for a small person to lift or drag a bigger person.

I also got a thrill when the instructor (a former local cop, very fit and well respected gentleman) looked around the room and said, "Usually I get at least one large person in the group to demonstrate x with but everyone here is either normal sized -glances between me and another very small lady in the class- or smaller than usual."

I know this is kind of a weird victory but I'm kind of glowing over here.

---

DAE watch food videos while they’re fasting?
/u/shorty_12
Created: Wed Jul 18 15:40:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzpox/dae_watch_food_videos_while_theyre_fasting/
---
i just watched so many tasty videos on facebook. help

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[Help] My BF is Dead-Set on Taking me for Jamaican Food Tomorrow....Help
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Wed Jul 18 15:23:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzknz/my_bf_is_deadset_on_taking_me_for_jamaican_food/
---
He found this jamaican restaurant near us that he REALLY wants to go to for whatever reason. I looked at the menu and everything seems to be covered in high calorie sauce unless I order a fucking side salad. I've been putting this off since last week and now I guess we are going tomorrow. I have no idea what to do. I'm up like 5 lbs because I've been emotionally binging lately and I'm on my period. And I've been fasting all day today and tomorrow it's just gonna get ruined yay!!

WHY. DOES. EVERYTHING. HAVE. TO. INVOLVE. FOOD. I HATE THIS.

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[Rant/Rave] When your friends fuel your ED
/u/fernsandfoxes [5’6”|CW:107|BMI:17.34|GW:100|18F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 15:01:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zze8y/when_your_friends_fuel_your_ed/
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Throwback to that one time I reached out to my friend about my eating disorder and told her I hadn’t eaten in week and she said “Hey, that’s pretty good!”

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[Discussion] Parents in the ProED community..
/u/cookiecutterhands
Created: Wed Jul 18 14:52:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zzboo/parents_in_the_proed_community/
---
I can’t believe I’m letting this come out in the open after 7 months of keeping it in. But it’s eating me alive and I have absolutely nobody to go to, and I’m not even sure that I’d want to talk to someone.. even if I had someone.
I’ll give a little history.
I’ve had self esteem problems that started young, probably like 10-11. They got unbearable when I was molested at age 12. I developed problems with my body image and although I was never overweight when I was young, being molested took away my sense of control and I found it again in being promiscuous and losing weight. I wasn’t diagnosed with any disordered eating though, because I tried not to be very open about it, and my therapists and family just brushed the weight loss off as a symptom of depression and diagnosed me as bipolar with MDD. “No appetite = not eating much, not eating much = weight loss.” I was only underweight for a short amount of time, and when the weight returned, it stayed that way. I stopped caring about everything, including my self image and weight and hygiene and it was just bad. I didn’t realize how much I had let myself go until I was about 17. At 17, my disordered eating habits crept back into my life. It didn’t get too bad up until I turned 18, and at 18, it had a complete grip over me. I went from almost 140 to 100 in a matter of three months tops.. *and I loved it*
It was a whole new experience. I had found all of the control I was looking for. I almost want to say that the euphoria of watching the numbers on the scale go down amounted to the euphoria of the Vicodin and Percocet I had been taking on a daily basis. Put the two together and OH MY GOD was it bliss.
Eventually, last November, 5 months after turning 18, I decided I was going to get sober. It was one of those manic-impulsive decisions where I stopped talking to everyone I knew, completely shut out my two best friends, found a new life in a new town and got sober. I ended up meeting a guy, who is now my boyfriend of 8 months, and he became my very best friend. Even once the mania had worn off, he turned out to be the least destructive impulsive thing I’ve ever done.
But here’s where things get tricky.
My disordered eating was something that I never planned on stopping, something that made me feel like I could function, something that I know is wrong but it made everything so fucking right.
And a month after I started dating this guy, I’m pregnant.
Yes, you read that correctly. Pregnant after a month of dating a guy I just met.
After a few weeks of trying to decide what option would be best for us and the kid in the long run, we decided to keep the baby.
So, with this history I’ve just given you, here is the point of this whole post.
I am TERRIFIED that I did a selfish thing by deciding to keep our son. I’m terrified that my problems are going to impact my sons life down the line, and he will grow up trying to recover from his childhood because I thought I could raise a child and balance trying to recover from my mental illnesses and eating disorder at the same time.
I’ve been good about staying sober, I haven’t used since November of 2017. I haven’t cut myself since a little before that, and since I found out that I was pregnant, I have completely put all of my effort into eating healthy and normally, and staying safe. I’ve gained 40 lbs. which is more than I was instructed to.
But I have to admit, every time I think about how excited I am for my sons arrival, I think about how fast I can lose the 40 lbs I’ve put on since pre-pregnancy without hurting my son.
Some days it’s really hard to make myself eat as much as a pregnant woman should, especially when the scale at the doctors tells me I’ve gained weight. I know that gaining weight is a good thing for my son but my god damned head is making what was supposed to be an enjoyable, heartwarming experience something I just want to be over already.
I feel like a bad mother already, and I just need to know that there’s people out there who know where I’m coming from, who have been where I am and survived, who manage to control and maintain a low weight and still make their children their priority. I feel so alone in this.

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[Rant/Rave] The glamorous side of eating disorders
/u/spyrothedaddy [5'4"|CW:116.6|F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 14:00:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyvk9/the_glamorous_side_of_eating_disorders/
---
One thing they really, really don’t tell you about eating disorders is the fact that at some point, you will shit yourself. You will take too many laxatives or you’ll eat too many sugar free sweets or you’ll trust a fart. Nothing makes me feel better about myself than having to wash my knickers and shorts in the sink because I, a fully grown adult, shat myself.

---

218.75 calories/ounce lost or gained
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 13:36:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyo6a/21875_caloriesounce_lost_or_gained/
---
I think everyone here is pretty familiar with the 3500 calories/pound of body weight. I've started thinking of it in terms of ounces, I find it less abstract, and easier to connect the calories to a tangible amount of weight.

For example, I could eat this cookie for 200 calories, or lose an ounce of fat. If I go over my tdee by 450 calories, that's 2 ounces gained.

I don't know if it helps anyone else, but I find this conversion more relaxing? Like it feels more real/ more like progress to say "I'll lose 6 ounces with this defecit" vs "I'll lose about a third of a pound"

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[Rant/Rave] Triggered by my Seatbelt
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Wed Jul 18 13:25:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyki0/triggered_by_my_seatbelt/
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Does anyone else get triggered by the seat belt sitting across their tummy when driving? Idk I'm constantly messing with it and the feeling of it against my lower abdomen really bothers me. It's been getting worse lately.

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Exercising?
/u/playboyhunties
Created: Wed Jul 18 13:14:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyh0c/exercising/
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What are your daily exercise routines? Do you exercise at all? What seems to be working for you? I’m just curious to see what everyone else is doing everyday to be their best possible self.

P.s I’m soooo glad I started commented on things instead of just being a lurker. Everyone seems to be so supportive of each other and this sub has really helped with my depression and feeling so alone. ❤️

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But that’s where ur wrong, unmatchedfood
/u/holdmecloser_letmego
Created: Wed Jul 18 13:08:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyf2l/but_thats_where_ur_wrong_unmatchedfood/
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https://i.redd.it/8yqhzut99ra11.jpg

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Can binge urges just disappear on their own?
/u/skinflowers
Created: Wed Jul 18 13:07:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyevh/can_binge_urges_just_disappear_on_their_own/
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I swear I'm not making it up and I hope this post doesn't upset anybody. I don't know where else to ask. It's been 1 month since I last binged. Don't get me wrong the physical relief is immense but I'm incredibly confused and lost. I gave up years ago after many failures. I am not working towards recovery, I did not start new medications, I'm surrounded by triggers, I'm still anxious and depressed, I'm still obsessed with food, I still loathe my body. Nothing in my life changed, but the urges just... stopped. Like someone flicked a switch inside my head. Why did this happen? What did my younger self fight so desesperately for, if it was just going to turn out like that? It feels too good to be true and I can't relax because I'm afraid the compulsions will come back. I don't want to leave my mental prison and allow myself to experience happiness only for it to be ripped away from me. Has this happened to anyone else?

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[Help] Constipation after taking solpadol???
/u/justfucknendmylife
Created: Wed Jul 18 13:01:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zyd2l/constipation_after_taking_solpadol/
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In the 3 days I havent pooped, because i got my tonsils out, i have gone up from 52.9kg to fucking 55kg!!! I am freaking out and i want to DIE. Solpadol (codeine n paracetamol) has completely blocked me up. My stomach looks 5 months pregnant. The last time I took solpadol was at 6am today. Its now 8pm. I have drank 3 cups of prune juice and have only heen eating soup and greek yoghurt and fruit because of my fucking tonsillectomy and still no change. I feel disgusting. What do I do? When can I expect a bowel movement??

---

update: met up w the girl who had an ed!
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 183 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:50:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zy9kq/update_met_up_w_the_girl_who_had_an_ed/
---
i posted a week ago about how i dm-ed this girl on insta about my ed (she had one as well but was in the process of recovery) and we met an hour or so ago for lunch. and let me tell you she was the sweetest thing ever. we talked for an hour about our experiences with our eds on top of general topics like school or whatever and it was just incredibly helpful to talk about it. there was this one awkward moment where im p sure she thought i was c/s-ing into a napkin when i was rly just wiping my mouth but #all #good #lol. i just feel kinda bad for her bc i think i was being incredibly incoherent and honestly kinda awkward when i was talking but all in all, it went super well. :D

so, there's that. i'm meeting up with another friend in a few hrs so now im kinda just chilling in a library but this hasn't been a horrible day. <3

i also ended up stuffed even tho i ate only like a half of my plate so yay, less calories than i had planned for! ^^

---

When people say "you don't need to lose anymore weight!"
/u/baddestb1tch [5'4 | CW:148 | GW:115 | -32 | 22F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zy6ui/when_people_say_you_dont_need_to_lose_anymore/
---
Fuck off.

I've been overweight pretty much my entire life and the fattest out of me and my sisters. I'm getting closer to my goal weight and about to break into a normal bmi for once in my life. Don't tell me I don't need to lose any more weight, it's not up to you, this is all for myself and what I want to be.

Especially when it comes from someone thinner than me who never struggled with their weight, it's so triggering. It's like they don't want to see me succeed and be thin, like they want me to stay chained to the globs of fat on my body and I hate it

---

[Goal] back to school
/u/SamMav67 [5'5" | 129 | 21.72 | -6 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:26:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zy1vi/back_to_school/
---
Going into my junior year of college in two months and i plan on weighing 120 by the first day of class. Eating around 800-900 calories a day, i’ve already dropped about 7 pounds! I have about 9 more to go.

“Freshmen 15” was real, all meals in my sorority are all you can eat buffets, which really screwed me up. That combined with alcohol was a bad mix and I’m so scared of getting back in that terrible habit.

Hopefully I will keep it off and I’m hoping that saying it out loud/writing it down will keep me accountable

---

ESET Internet Security 11.2.49.0 Crack Full Serial Key 2018 Free Here [x32/x64]
/u/aryan167
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:25:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zy1br/eset_internet_security_112490_crack_full_serial/
---
http://crackfullreal.com/eset-internet-security-11-2-49-0-2018-free/

---

Metabolism boosting supplements, yay or nay?
/u/KattyWampus666 [:karma: 5'4" |SW:273lbs CW:209lbs GW: ? | F :karma:]
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:22:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zy0bz/metabolism_boosting_supplements_yay_or_nay/
---
Im considering buying a ridiculously expensive bottle of conjugated linoleic acid to help boost my metabolism as Ive hit a snag with my weight loss (which is leading me to be pretty irrational and anxious) since I started a new depression medication...

I need to get my appetite under control again it just feels so impossible. Seriously contemplating purging after my next big binge which is a line I always said I wouldnt cross...

---

My eating disorder is becoming a search for enlightenment
/u/justhush1 [5'4" | CW: alive | UGW: dead |]
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:19:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxzoc/my_eating_disorder_is_becoming_a_search_for/
---
First off, I should warn that I am like actually crazy, medicated and everything, so this might just be utter nonsense but I wanted to share anyway. I always love posting in this subreddit, its one of the most supportive communities in existence.

I've had an eating disorder since I was 13, my lowest weight was 89 pounds, I am currently at my highest weight of 184 pounds. I have been living with my sister who has been monitoring my eating habits and making sure I do not throw up. Its been a shitty arrangement for the last two years, but my family finally trusts me enough to live on my own, and I plan on practicing religious fasting to reach enlightenment.

The Budha reached enlightenment after fasting for 6 years. He did not reach from the fast, it was actually after eating for the first time. Keeping this in mind, I believe it will be easier for me to resist the temptation of food if I knew my first meal after an extended fast may be the catalyst for enlightenment.

I plan on following the Buddhist monks fasting practices. That is eating dry bread for three days to prepare the stomach for no food. Then fast for eighteen days and only drinking water. Then ending the fast by eating a small portion of thin porridge or gruel every few hours for three days, until the digestive system has come fully back to life. If the first fast is successful and beneficial then I can attempt a thirty-six day fast.

In between extended fasting periods, I plan on practicing the Buddhist eating practice of only eating one wholesome vegetarian meal before noon.

Ultimately, the central tenet of Buddhist practice is moderation, that is what the Buddha discovered after eating his first meal. Monks practice this extended fasting to purify their bodies and to clarify their thoughts. Buddhist also believe that fasting highlights one's attachments to food and to good flavor; thus fasting helps the practitioner to distinguish how much of his or her craving for food is a need, and therefore normal and necessary, and how much is greed, and therefore a hindrance to liberation.

This highlighting of attachment is my biggest reason for practicing this religious fast. I have had an eating disorder for over 10 years now, and have never learned what moderation is. I always either starve myself or binge. I'm hoping after practicing the Buddhist fasting practices, I discover what my body needs, and finally develop a healthy relationship with food.

Lol, that was long. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

---

I just filmed myself purging
/u/Lucifers_Girlfriend
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:14:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxy3f/i_just_filmed_myself_purging/
---
I read about it a while back and decided to do it. To see what I’m doing to myself.



Fucking hell.




Seeing myself crying above a toilet with a toothbrush down my throat gasping for air.

---

[Rant/Rave] Dr.Jekell and Mr.Hyde
/u/Themermaidmomma
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxxs7/drjekell_and_mrhyde/
---
Why on earth is it that sometimes I can go days without eating like not even thinking about food. I don’t have a single craving for a carb or a sugar or an anything well except coffee.

Then other days I just binge on cards and cheese and carbs and more cheese. Mac and cheese, pizza , cheese boards and wine. Like what the actual guck.

I feel like I’m two completely different people.

---

Great quote from Aubrey Plaza
/u/tornessa
Created: Wed Jul 18 12:05:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxv46/great_quote_from_aubrey_plaza/
---
Talk show host: "Are you on a diet?"

Aubrey: "No. I'm just not eating and crying."

---

[Other] I Just Cried Over a tsp of PB
/u/_Pulltab_ [ 5'7" | CW 177| BMI 27.7 | -18 |GW 135 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:52:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxqvq/i_just_cried_over_a_tsp_of_pb/
---
I have literally just pushed past a two week stall (I think, fingers crossed) so I’m pretty much afraid to do anything other than continue to heavily restrict calories with no/limited carbs so I don’t get stuck again.

My head is all swarmy and buzzy and I’m so freaking dizzy and tired. I’m trying to work and every 10 minutes I find myself staring into space and I know it’s because I have been eating so little. So I finally decided to eat a tsp of peanut butter and OMG it was like an orgasm wrapped in marshmallows and dipped in unicorn dust.

Why am I like this?

---

Is it reactive eating if you aren't underweight?
/u/Deadpiccolo [5'9 | CW: 152 | BMI: 22.4 | 66 lbs lost | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:46:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxoyv/is_it_reactive_eating_if_you_arent_underweight/
---
So I lost 80 pounds quite rapidly, and then had the urge to overeat for a while afterwards until I reached around 150 pounds. I thought this was binging, but I just heard about reactive eating and it seems to fit my experience a bit better because I always binge right after restricting my calories pretty low for a while. When I read up on it, the descriptions said that reactive eating is a response to undereating and low body weight, but can you experience it even if you aren't underweight?

---

[Help] Needing help/support/advice. On vacation in DC with my family and ED is resurfacing. I don't know what to do.
/u/casual-cabbage [5'10" | CW: 150.7 | 21.6 | GW: 140 | 21F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:35:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxlaj/needing_helpsupportadvice_on_vacation_in_dc_with/
---
Hey,

I'm in a tough place right now and normally I'd be able to go it alone, but its inescapability is affecting me and my mood and that hasn't gone unnoticed.

I'm on vacation with my immediate family so of course we eat EVERY SINGLE meal out. Together. They have no concern for where we eat, because they don't eat healthy or care to. I feel so anxious eating in half of the places they suggest, because I know I'm most likely eating calorie bombs. Normally I find ways to skip a meal here and there or restrict when no ones looking/suspecting, but eating in public and this regularly makes that almost impossible. We also eat at a lot of local places, which means no nutritional information and/or guidelines. That's killing me because I can never truly estimate things properly. I've gotten away sometimes with ordering bare bones foods and eating only half a plate, saying things like "I'm not hungry," but it's still mentally devastating. I was recovering too, eating more and loosening my restrictions a little, but this new situation is bringing back old habits. I'm constantly anxious, thinking about my next meal, planning obsessively. Always depressed and anxious, snappy and cruel. Chugging water and green tea because its "safe." I've been walking so much I sprained my hip, which I then plie with anti inflammatory creams so the swelling goes down and I can walk more. Hoping to God that I burn off the excess calories. I'm terrified of gaining back all the weight I lost, and I hate it. I was getting better. My fear was minimal. And now it's all coming back.

I've been a bitch to my family, yelling at them for no reason because I'm so stressed about food. And worst of all, I feel disgusting. My self-esteem is shot to hell. A few days ago I looked in the mirror and was at least ok with how I looked, but I can't even walk around without thinking people are judging me for my weight or finding me fat and ugly. Its ruining my enjoyment of this trip and its killing the mood with my family. They don't know I'm struggling with ED, so you guys are the only people I can talk/vent to about these things.

I'm writing this during lunch, when half the family is gone, with an excuse of "hip pains" (as if that fucking matters above my step-count), because I don't know if I can deal with this. I just don't know what to do to make it all ok again. Should I keep restricting? Should I try not to think about it? I just don't know, but I know I don't want to feel like this.

---

I keep convincing myself to go on
/u/psycholojeans
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:29:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxjdd/i_keep_convincing_myself_to_go_on/
---
I'm (F, 20) on a break from college now and even though I used to be quite healthy, it all went down when I had a mini binge months ago at the start of the final semester. ''Once won't hurt'' I said to myself back then. I just wanted to try a bunch of things that I kept eyeing in the supermarket for months but never ate because they're really unhealthy. Also, because once I start I cannot stop. Now that one time has turned into regularly. On some days I'm really motivated and eat healthy but in the following days I end up convincing myself that it's okay with a 'treat yourself' attitude, as us youngsters may call it. ''I'll start tomorrow'', I say, day after day.

I'll be going to university next month and meet a lot of new people, I'm even participating in an introduction week. The latter includes thousands of students you'll be surrounded with in the same city at the same time doing all kinds of activities but while it should make me excited, I'm getting anxious instead. Because of my current eating habits my appearance has suffered immensely. Acne, weight gain, a tired look, you name it. My (mental) health too, and I'm afraid that I might end up getting diabetes or worse at a certain point, although my binges are definitely not as bad as they could be. It's just that it all adds up quickly over time. Protein bars, ice cream, pizza... They've stolen my heart. I guess the only reason my body doesn't completely hate me yet is because it's all plantbased.

I keep telling myself that I have to enjoy all of this junk food while I can because I won't be able to when I go to uni, due to the reasons mentioned above. Meanwhile the days pass fast and so do my states of motivation. I just want the girl who wants a healthy lifestyle and cares about herself back.

---

[Rant/Rave] I caved and it wasn't even worth it
/u/VaguelyAmusedFairy
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:07:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxc2l/i_caved_and_it_wasnt_even_worth_it/
---
I created this account after a long time lurking, because I need this off my chest and there's nowhere else.

Gah, I was planning on eating a small bowl of cereal to hold me until dinner, but I've been thinking about the same goddamn sandwich for three days and I fucking caved and made the goddamn sandwich.

It's like 700 calories grilled in a pan, and i just finished it and got NOTHING from it. It tasted fine, but like I could have just skipped food til later (or tomorrow) or fucking eaten cereal or bran and it would be the same.

WHY? Why didn't it taste and feel GLORIOUS? Why does everything feel bland and horrible? LIKE THIS SHOULD BE GREAT! FOOD IS POINTLESS. BUT WHY DO I STILL WANT IT? I WANT IT, AND I EAT IT BUT THERE'S NEVER ANY PAY OFF!

I feel cheated, and I hate myself, i'm such a pig, I still eat when food is worthless to me.

---

if this post gets 200 up votes can we please ban the banana bot?
/u/painxiety [5'5" | 116.5 | 23 F ]
Created: Wed Jul 18 11:02:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zxaiw/if_this_post_gets_200_up_votes_can_we_please_ban/
---
mods if this post is illegal go ahead and remove it.

i'm going to lose my mind if i read another freaking banana fact. i hate bananas. they are a definite fear food. i don't need to be attacked with banana facts every time the word shows up on this feed. we got rid of the hot dog bot. what are bananas but the fruit version of a sausage.

https://i.redd.it/kqpq094tmqa11.jpg

---

What's your eating pattern? How did you lose the most weight?
/u/littlestbaby [5ft3 | cw ??? ~ 165 lbs | gw 105 lbs]
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:52:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zx73s/whats_your_eating_pattern_how_did_you_lose_the/
---
i know there's been a million threads like this but i looove reading the replies to questions like this! so,

1. what's your eating pattern? how did it come to be? (e.g. did you research macros, did you start seeing some foods as 'bad' and therefore eliminated them, did you start following a diet plan that stuck with you?

2. how did you lose the most weight? (calorie restriction, mono diets, liquid fasting, etc)

soooo interested. i'll reply to everyone!!!

ok i can go first

1. i'm trying bite counting right now, for some reason i can't stick with calorie counting and bite counting structures me _a lot_ and it's easy to eat out (don't have to look up calories of anything) and it eliminates mindless snacking _completely_. I'm not sure if it'll work but I'm like desperate at this point

2. i lost the most weight with calorie restriction (my official limit was under 1200/day, but most days i was around 900-1000), working out (bodyweight, ~40 mins) most evenings, and fasting once a week. lost around 33 lbs in i think 3 months. it was awesome. and it lasted a long time, too ~~until i binged my way back lololol~~

---

[Other] Reminder-to-self: you don't have to wait until you're thin/recovered to do things that make you happy
/u/halostop
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zx537/remindertoself_you_dont_have_to_wait_until_youre/
---
(This is a letter to myself, so ignore my preachiness if it doesn't apply to you.)

Thinness and recovery are not prerequisites to learning, going to movies, walking through the park, seeing beauty in the world, reading books, finding new music, trying new things, travelling.

You can take back some of the things your ED has taken from you even if you're not ready to recover and even if you don't have the body you want. You have spend years trying to obtain an ideal body, but your standards raise as your weight lowers.

In the next year, you probably won't fall in love with your body. That's okay. But that doesn't mean you have to spend the next year ashamed, in hiding, waiting for something unattainable, without enjoying the things you love.

---

[Discussion] Aside from the obvious, what weird/dumb things does your ED make you do?
/u/Shibo_Kitsune
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:32:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zx0wo/aside_from_the_obvious_what_weirddumb_things_does/
---
For example, Whenever I handle high cal food (chocolate especially) I HAVE to obsessively wash my hands as if I'm gonna absorb all the calories through my skin somehow lol

---

What food do you avoid?
/u/lupoverde
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:24:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwya4/what_food_do_you_avoid/
---
When you want to lose weight, what food do you avoid? What food makes you gain weight easily or that you easily binge on?

---

[Discussion] Update on 24 hour fast: success!
/u/its_freaking_bats [5'7" | CW 128 | BM 20 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:23:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwy4x/update_on_24_hour_fast_success/
---
I actually made it longer and lasted 36 hours! Then I proceeded to ruin it by eating way more than 1k calories! Kill me.

24 hour fast round 2, commence.

---

literally got triggered over the dumbest fucking thing jc
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | cw: 183 | hw: 234 | lw: 170 | gw: 115 | 15f]
Created: Wed Jul 18 10:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwx76/literally_got_triggered_over_the_dumbest_fucking/
---
i dont even really want to talk about what "triggered" me bc it sounds and honestly is *so* incredibly fucking dumb but i'm in a cafe rn and am waiting to meet up w a girl who i talked to about my ed. i've been here for a while and there was this cute guy sitting across from me (i'm at a communal table) and i honestly didnt think much of it. just thought he was cute. but it's been like an hour now and anyway this super pretty girl starts to sit down. she's just minding her own business but the guy slides in slick af and starts a conversation with her and my FIRSt thought is "maybe if i were thin like her he would've started talking to me" and it's so, so dumb and i honestly feel so pathetic even posting this bc it's so dumb but like... jesus, how fucked am i in the brain if that was my first thought?? all i had was a cappucino on an empty stomach and i felt the urge to just go into the bathroom and purge it out even tho it was only like 50 calories.

christ christ christ WHY am i like this im so tired of being so sensitive to shit that doesnt even directly affect me wtf.

---

[Other] Goodbye for now...
/u/captain_peanutbutter [5'5" |95lbs |16.02|22F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 09:57:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwq0t/goodbye_for_now/
---
So after my birthday this past weekend, I'd been taking stock of my life for a bit, wondering about my current headspace, and then today I had a sign. A career opportunity has come up for me (won't go into too much detail, but it involves the military) which would be an amazing opportunity, but I'd need to basically not be underweight any more to stand a chance of getting it. And since I'd been trying/hoping for recovery for a while now, I think this is basically the universe's way of telling me what I need to do. So I'm unsubscribing for now, but I'd like to thank you all for being such a lovely supportive community - you guys were the reason I signed up for Reddit in the first place - and to let you know that during the tough, lonely months of this latest relapse, you helped me feel that much less alone.

Au revoir, and much love,

captain\_peanutbutter

---

"Frequently bought together" Are you encouraging me to document my progress or...??
/u/Lolololrip
Created: Wed Jul 18 09:55:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwp91/frequently_bought_together_are_you_encouraging_me/
---
https://i.redd.it/8rseavamaqa11.jpg

---

An unexpected bonus from purging
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 53 | 17.71/17.50 | UGW: 54-55 (52.3?) | 26F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 09:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwl4f/an_unexpected_bonus_from_purging/
---
So lately I've gotten in a bad habit of B&P (like every day pretty much, it's bad, but at least I'm losing weight tho amirightlolkillme). So as you can imagine my lips are pretty chapped. There's this large split in my lower lip that's taking forever to heal, mostly because any time I open my mouth just a little, it opens up. Anyways...

So today I was waiting for my coffee and this guy said I would look much better if I smiled. Normally I would shrug it off or make some quip about not smiling until I've had my coffee, but instead, I smiled.

And boy, was it a smile.

I smiled so fucking big that my lip ripped open and a huge droplet of blood immediately started running down my chin. His face was worth the wait to drink my coffee until my lip stopped bleeding.

[So you can see what I'm talking about](https://imgur.com/a/dlZzlFf)

\*insert joker reference here*

---

[Rant/Rave] You will have to gain TEN POUNDS
/u/BarrysGun
Created: Wed Jul 18 09:23:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zwfhj/you_will_have_to_gain_ten_pounds/
---
I made the error of seeing a doctor yesterday. This is what happened.

Me: I feel fine. I'm okay.

Doctor: You don't look fine. You have lost a lot of weight for such a small person.

Me: But I am...fine.

Doctor: You are about ten pounds away from your "ideal" weight.

Me: It isn't that bad. I don't look like a skeleton.

Doctor: Not yet you don't but you're on the way. Since you are medically underweight you will have to gain ten pounds.

Me: NO WAY

---

I wasn't planning on eating anyway
/u/paavllova [🌸 5'5 • 99 lbs • 16.5 • f 🌸]
Created: Wed Jul 18 09:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zw8kp/i_wasnt_planning_on_eating_anyway/
---
My sister was mad at me earlier for whatever reason. I wasn't doing what she wanted or something and she said something along the lines of 'you were staring at those donuts!'

Honestly it's stupid but it hurt me a lot. Yeah, I was staring at them *longingly* because I wanted them, but wouldn't allow myself them.

I wasn't planning on eating them anyway but that comment just fueled my determination not to eat. If I do I'll do something with the least calories as possible.

It's silly but it just made me really sad that she did. It wasn't even in a tone of 'you're fat', it was more like 'you're not paying attention!' and condescending in the way she said it.

Since she did that I'm determined not to eat for as long as I can so I guess I can thank her for only that.

---

[Other] I hate my body.
/u/2sugoiii2dieee
Created: Wed Jul 18 08:52:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zw5y4/i_hate_my_body/
---
Of course the snacking and bingeing caught up with me. I feel and look disgusting. Yesterday I didn’t even want my boyfriend to see my body. He’s so loving and patient and tells me I’m beautiful but I felt so ashamed and that I looked like a whale. I normally don’t mind being “thick” but I hate my stomach. I hate myself for allowing myself to get this big again.

---

I really thought I was going to stop this...
/u/vucio72 [5'1 | cw: 121 | gw1: 120 | -27 | f]
Created: Wed Jul 18 08:25:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvy0g/i_really_thought_i_was_going_to_stop_this/
---
So at like 123lbs I started to see the barest outline of my ribs, and I'd already been able to feel my hipbones a little when I lay down, and all of my old clothes from before I ballooned like 40lbs fit me again. I was going to try to give up the restricting and the tiny amounts of food. I was going to try to get strong and eat 1500cals and at least 100g of protein and lift heavy weights.

But I just can't do it. I can't make myself be okay with eating over 1000 cals on a regular basis and I also physically have such a hard time eating more food now. And this week my life is hellish and busy and I caught myself eating below 800 cals *on purpose* for the first time in like a month yesterday. But I just lost another lb this morning and I was genuinely *shocked* to see that number looking back at me from the digital readout like I didn't know that I was starting this up again. I have only 1lb to go from my original goal weight... and then only 10lbs from gw2... and I feel like it's toxic to be thinking this way and that I don't want to be "skinny", I want to be fit, but it's so much easier for me to lose weight than to gain muscle.

Isn't that weird? I finally feel like I'm *good* at losing weight right when I was trying to be "healthy", and that my brain is telling me it would be easier for me to just keep restricting and doing cardio. But I kinda want abs. lol this sucks. I don't know what I want or how to win.

---

Dietician/Nutritionist?
/u/clearandfull
Created: Wed Jul 18 08:22:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvx4x/dieticiannutritionist/
---
Has anyone ever worked with a dietician or nutritionist (outside of a recovery/treatment program) for a controlled gain? What has been your experience?

Want to ease the stress of those around me about my weight by gaining and getting pressured to do so under supervision of dietitian.

---

[Rant/Rave] Family
/u/swankarma [5'5 | CW: 132 | 22 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 08:14:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvuqy/family/
---
Obligatory long time lurker, first time poster etc..
So my family don’t know about my eating disorder, and they just think that I’m on a ‘strict diet’, but recently i think they’re starting to suspect something’s off and have been monitoring what i eat, and they keep telling me to eat and its honestly exhausting me because no, i don’t want to eat, telling me that’s not gonna help me. It also infuriates me when they tell me that i don’t need to lose weight and to stop dieting, then they present me some very high-cal things or foods/snacks that aren’t within my calorie budget, and get upset or offended when i refuse to eat them, like why is it so hard to understand that i just don’t want to eat somethings? Why can’t i just restrict in peace? I feel like this doesn’t make sense and I’m just rambling?

---

[Rant/Rave] also: new uk breyers delight flavour!
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Wed Jul 18 07:46:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvmr8/also_new_uk_breyers_delight_flavour/
---
introducing salted caramel cake (340). currently £5 at tesco. im actually so happy christmas came early god i love ice cream

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[Other] I finally told my psychiatrist about my eating disorder
/u/burningthroughtime
Created: Wed Jul 18 07:31:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvily/other_i_finally_told_my_psychiatrist_about_my/
---
I finally told my psychiatrist about my eating disorder

This happened yesterday. I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist for a little over a year for my depression, anxiety and BPD and I’ve been taking an antidepressant in the morning and an antipsychotic in the evening.
I have an eating disorder for 9 years now which has switched between anorexia and bulimia over the years. Every time bulimia hits me with an “episode” it totally ruins my life. My current bulimia nervosa “episode” started in 2016 which caused my depression to worsen and bring me to the bottom. At that point it was really hard for me to continue on existing and I was ready to give up on life. With the help of my wonderful boyfriend, I found my psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with a Major Depressive Episode, Anxiety & a tame form of BPD. I refused to let her know about my eating disorder and to go to psychotherapy in fear of them stealing my ED from me and making me fat.
Well… Apparently not telling my psychiatrist about my ED, she unknowingly prescribed me an antidepressant that is not recommended for people with Eating Disorders which might have contributed to me gaining 20 kg in the course of a year. During this year I’ve tried everything to lose weight, but I failed every time and I started to feel again at the end of my rope. I thought I developed Binge Eating Disorder and it made me utterly depressed.
So, at that point I was taking an antidepressant that in combination with my ED made me gain weight and depressed. YAY.
Last week I decided to go to my psychiatrist and tell her about my ED and to ask her to guide me towards a psychotherapist specialized in EDs. She listened to my whole story and was great about everything. She immediately changed my antidepressant and offered support in finding a psychotherapist specialized in EDs. She added to my list of diagnosis Bulimia Nervosa.
For the first time ever, I had the courage to seek help for my eating disorder and get a diagnosis. It was very hard, I must admit. I was anxious the whole day and I thought I was having a panic attack in the waiting room of the clinic. My voice was trembling the whole time I was revealing my story and I started crying when I got to the part where I told her that for the past 3 years I was not able to wear pants/jeans because I couldn’t stand to look at myself, seeing how fat I’ve gotten, and I chose to wear only large skirts & dresses to hide my whole body. And this year, my clothes options grew thinner as I gained weight (heh, no pun intended). Suddenly only 2 skirts, 1 dress, 3 t-shirts & 1 blouse fit me. That’s all I could and can wear. The same clothes over and over again. It makes me so sad and I am so uncomfortable all the time.
I must admit, I still want to be skinny. However, I am ready to do it by kicking Bulimia’s ass.

Thank you for reading my story.

---

[Rant/Rave] Lost my 1st lb after 8 months of binge eating
/u/hidesnducks
Created: Wed Jul 18 07:11:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zvd9u/lost_my_1st_lb_after_8_months_of_binge_eating/
---
I am so happy you guys. The scale is finally going down. Begone binges!

---

Bad menu descriptions... argh!!
/u/WildConclusion [5'7 | CW 145 | BMI 22.5 | 22F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 06:35:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zv3za/bad_menu_descriptions_argh/
---
This is a rant but I’m on mobile and can’t flair, sorry!

So the other night I went out for dinner with my boyfriend... we were at an Indian restaurant. I was looking at the starters (would have been weird to only eat one course because he knew I hadn’t eaten all day etc) and so many of them looked SO GOOD, but the only thing which wasn’t deep fried was this chilli and garlic prawn dish, which seemed ok but was pretty expensive and didn’t seem as tasty as a lot of the other stuff. But whatever, calories... so I ordered it.
Lo and behold, when it arrives... fucking deep fried! And in this bowl which is still swimming in oil! Probably one of the least healthy starter options on the menu. I could have cried! So basically I spent too much and ate more calories than I would have had I ordered something else, which I would have definitely enjoyed more! I’m still so mad about it. Why oh why did they not just write that it was fried in the description??

Thanks for reading! It’s tough out there!

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Daily Food Diary! July 18, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jul 18 06:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuxsn/daily_food_diary_july_18_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 18, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

Way To Go Wednesday July 18, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jul 18 06:11:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuxpr/way_to_go_wednesday_july_18_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for July 18, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

So irritated with the scale. /vent
/u/SheKnowsMore
Created: Wed Jul 18 06:06:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuwbz/so_irritated_with_the_scale_vent/
---
Seriously, I've been at or under 900 calories for a solid week, but I'm somehow up 6 pounds. I know that a week at 900 isn't that restrictive or that long a time frame, but come on. It's like the magic caloric number for me to lose weight is always a moving target and I never know what's actually going to work or not.

I know bodies are weird and maybe my whoosh is coming...I'm just so tired and frustrated right now. And hungry, dammit.

---

Oh, puke, how I miss thee
/u/daddytwink
Created: Wed Jul 18 06:04:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuw1o/oh_puke_how_i_miss_thee/
---
[rant/rave]

I have a problem with binge eating, emotional eating and just straight up eating because I’m a friendless mental shut in who is bored as all hell.

About a month ago I ate a whole cheap frozen pizza by myself and it made me terribly sick for like... 15 hours before my body decided enough was enough and made me puke that sucker out. I only made it to the bathroom sink before I had the craziest, zestiest Exorcist projectile puke I’ve ever had in my life. It was pretty gross and I have the ugliest vomiting/retching/gagging sounds in the world but I swear I left the bathroom a changed human. I felt so peaceful and free from the clutches of that pizza.

I just wish that could happen every time I binged. But for some reason I can’t make myself purge so I can only look back on that pizza powered vomit-pressure-hose incident with great fondness. I feel like it was the first time my ugly, messed up body did me a favor.

So I guess now I’ll just binge 🙃

---

[Intro] Relapsed
/u/frickingdarn
Created: Wed Jul 18 05:33:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuoun/relapsed/
---
Anyway, because I barely posted when I actually was on this sub and I did disappear for a year, hey, I’m Nikkie.

I swear to god I was cured, a year without any restricting or purging, I gained weight and I regained energy and motivation to do the stuff I always liked to do.

I made the mistake of weighing myself three weeks ago, I gained 17 kg. Now I’m back to restricting and fasting, back to this subreddit

I’m not sure what to feel, I just want to be little again, regain control again, even though I know how miserable it made me.

Anyway, shit would be harder without this sub. So I’m glad this is here. Sorry for the weird intro.

---

A little bit about my 18 year journey with EDs.
/u/aBadMovieGeek
Created: Wed Jul 18 05:16:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zul54/a_little_bit_about_my_18_year_journey_with_eds/
---
This is long, and I am sorry, but I thought someone might relate/want to discuss their history.

I grew up in a very affluent, image and success focused community with excellent schools. Middle and high school bathrooms smelled like puke especially in the science campus, girls would nibble on an apple or whatever and sip diet coke. One girl disguised it as Crohns (sp?) disease, which is actually pretty clever. The moms were that way, too, just as bad or worse. There are some women there who are at least 20 years older than I am now, jogging in a sports bra and shorts and they look... skeletal really. Like, joints and breastbones protruding skeletal. I almost has a wreck when I drove past one lady because I was amazed. Wonder if she's ok now.

I kind of wonder if it just gets handed down, you know? The obsession to be perfect? From parents to children... My sister's children are already talking about how fat they are (5, 7, and 10 years old!!! And not big in the slightest!!) It's not from her though, I know better. It's the kids talking about it at school. There are almost no other things so looked down upon as "fat" in that community. Probably being poor or brown-skinned, too. Just kidding, it was all white.

Culture there is like this:

"You will take AP classes, you will excel on the ACT and SAT, you will have more than one honors tassel at graduation, you will engage in extracurriculars, you will learn languages and get scholarships and go to bragging rights universities and MOST OF ALL you damn well better be thin, attractive, and well-dressed at all times. Oh and don't wreck your car when you are high."

I managed academically quite well, enrolled as a sophomore thanks to AP credits, but I never felt like I measured up to the thin girls who were taller than me and in the same classes. And that mattered more than intelligence or honors. I felt like a troll bumbling along, always trying to fit in but never quite. I'm 35 and the way I grew up there still fucks with me especially when I travel to visit.

The pressure crushed some of us mentally, and some sailed through it like it was second nature. I wonder occasionally if any of them are like me, still struggling or if they just live, adapted to that way of life.

I had treatment twice, inpatient, first at 19 and again at 23. The behaviors have varied. Sometimes starving and killing the elliptical (sometimes I said they were religious fasts tho I chainsmoked lol), sometimes binging and purging with vomiting and laxatives and exercise (yes all in the same BP cycle), sometimes special diets like raw or vegan. The starvation landed me in inpatient first with a BMI around 17 and a nasogastric tube, which I fought. The BP led to chest pain, heart damage, and another trip to inpatient. My electrolytes were dangerously out of balance.

As life moved on, I skated on the border of disordered behaviors. Drugs, self harm, drinking, trying to find meaning through a man (now divorced). I cycle through the behaviors still but it is hard, really hard. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder in high school, I've been medicated for almost 20 years.

Do you have any idea how soul crushing it is to do "everything right" and still gain weight? Or you start binging and sleeping! Not doing shit about it! And then you come to find out it is the medications that are. Supposedly. Keeping. You. Sane.

A few years ago, after another suicide attempt, I laid it all out there for my psychiatrist, who has known me since the beginning. Either give meds that don't make me binge or I will outright refuse. Now, I have an acceptable cocktail, though the antidepressant is not as weight gain neutral as I want, and she is treating the binging with Vyvanse. Which i , of course, initially abused because I'm a fuckwit.

Does it get better? It can and has, but it is always there. I think I will go my grave feeling like that troll girl lagging behind the thin, beautiful girls. My family is so over the ED that they get disgusted when I bring it up, even though they are my only support, besides my therapist who is a lovely person but not a specialist. My life is graphic design/art (don't leave the house) my cat and food and weight. What will the magic bullet be this month, you know? Adjust macros and fasting, don't work out too hard (heart is fucked). More strength or more cardio? Add some carbs for the mythical "whoosh" or do protein, with minimal fat and carbs? And let's not forget the days I REALLY fuck up and binge. Yep, laxatives are back though I only need five as opposed to 13-15 many years ago.

I just really wanted to put my story here. Maybe it will help someone to be a little kinder to themselves today and perhaps avoid years of misery, or someone can reach out and relate.

Thank you for reading; you guys have helped me feel less alone more than you know. 💘

---

[Rant/Rave] I thought I liked attention, but I was wrong
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'2 / CW:95 / BMI: 18 / GW: 84]
Created: Wed Jul 18 05:08:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuj9c/i_thought_i_liked_attention_but_i_was_wrong/
---
As much as I hate to admit it, part of my disorder is about being seen as desirable. I got what I wished for I guess. It's awful. Some guy on the street pretended to ask for directions in order to ask me out and asked things like "are you a personal trainer". It made me feel dirty, especially the remarks on my body. I just wanted to scream "I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER".

---

[Discussion] UK guys, Yoghurt?
/u/Flyingpapers [5'1 | CW:130 | BMI: 24.5 | SW:145 | 20 F ]
Created: Wed Jul 18 04:32:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zubjq/uk_guys_yoghurt/
---
I am in LOVE with yoghurt but haven’t been eating it for the past few months due to me having OMAD but i’m really craving, what’s the lowest calorie one you know of?

Please help, the craving is INSANE

---

[Rant/Rave] Cat being put down
/u/damnitjanet6
Created: Wed Jul 18 04:26:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zuafx/cat_being_put_down/
---
My cat is getting put down today.



I'm absolutely heartbroken 💔 he's literally been there my whole life, my parents got him a few months after I was born and we're basically the same age. He's been really really sick for ages and he's in so much pain and it's awful. He's such a sweetheart, a very loud fluffy ball of adorable. He's part of the reason why I've been trying to stop compulsively weighing myself, because he yells at me and tries to get on the scales too. He's been my buddy though all of my various mental health breakdowns and I'm just going to miss him so much. 


 

Sorry I know this isn't exactly ED related but I'm so heartbroken and I think I'm just going to fast forever now lol 

---

[Rant/Rave] The scale hates me and it makes things much worse
/u/space-crumpet [178 cm | GW: 65kg | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 04:05:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zu61u/the_scale_hates_me_and_it_makes_things_much_worse/
---
I decided I need to start working on recovering. I'm going to the therapist and working on my ED (+ anxiety), I'm also on medication. I set myself a goal of maintaining at least 1000 kcal a day; so far so good. But even though I'm still technically not eating enough, I'm not losing weight. It's been like that for almost a week.

It makes me crazy, because I'm overweight, and I should lose some more kg. And, additionally, it makes recovery much, much more complicated, it's hard to not restraining in this situation...

---

Is there a link to find out how much weight you'll lose if you don't eat for X days?
/u/KittenX2017
Created: Wed Jul 18 03:56:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zu41z/is_there_a_link_to_find_out_how_much_weight_youll/
---
I use loseit and my UGW is 80 pounds : if I don't eat I can reach it in November

What I want to know is the amount of weight I'll lose if I don't eat for 2/3 days and if there's some sort of website/calculator for that
my TDEE is 1,900

---

This body is a battlefield
/u/c_marier [5'6" | 109.6 | 17.76 | 24F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 03:22:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztxdn/this_body_is_a_battlefield/
---
Short story/flash fiction piece I wrote. Melodramatic AF as usual, but just something I had to get out and on paper. Only about 80% autobiographical lol. I'm always looking to improve, so if you bother to read, critique is welcome!

This body is a battlefield.

I stand naked in front of a mirror, like a ninety-year-old woman wondering where her youth went, except that I stand twenty-four years tall despite my slouch and bad posture and no mascara and missing curves. I run my fingers over papery skin, searching for a story. Bullet hole or blister? Mustard gas or cigarette burn? Razor wire scars? No, leave the wire, keep the razor close like a secret. My ribs cage forward like a bombed cathedral, my hips are knives, my collarbones a shackle.

This body is a prison. Once red, now chalky white counts of days, hours, wrongs, tears tally my hips, wrists, thighs, ribs, forearms. I forget what I was counting back then. I forget what number I reached. It wasn’t small enough, that much I know, it was always too too much and I am left with too many scars, each one signifying nothing.

This body is a graveyard. My pelvis protrudes like tombstones when I lie on my back, arms crossed over a barren chest, bones rattling even though I insist that I am not starving myself anymore. In another life, maybe I am and it’s haunting me even here. I am a thousand versions of myself, the ghosts stacked so closely that I am almost opaque. I am almost real.

In my hand in the mirror, I hold my fortune like a lottery poetry stick, Chinese magic. One line.

*What did you expect?*

All the faint white lines on my body come in twos, threes, sometimes more. None of them are so lonely as one, because I couldn’t fucking stop, wouldn’t be satisfied with a few cuts or a little hunger, no, I had to go all the way, I had to ravage this warzone of a body with famine and chemicals and pain and nothing that anyone forced on me except for myself.

One line. It means: not this time. Or maybe: not ever.

This body is a battlefield.

This is no place for a baby.

---

[Discussion] DAE count exactly how many times they chew every bite?
/u/newEDwhodis
Created: Wed Jul 18 03:16:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztw79/dae_count_exactly_how_many_times_they_chew_every/
---
For me it started out as a savoring thing, but as my ED grew and changed it became more about pacing myself.

Softer foods (beans, eggs) get 10 to 15. Harder foods or 'tougher' foods (meat, bread) get 30 and I take MUCH smaller bites.

I'm sure I'm not the only one. Just curious what anyone else has when it comes to 'food rituals'.

---

[Discussion] Side effects of sugar substitutes?
/u/catamongthecrows
Created: Wed Jul 18 02:14:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztkpl/side_effects_of_sugar_substitutes/
---
I had a massive panic attack at work the morning after eating half a pint of Halo Top. My job is causing me a lot of stress and I've just been in a less than great place mentally lately anyway, but my mom told me recently that she couldn't eat anything with Stevia anymore because she was having panic attacks every time and Halo Top was so bad for her that she threw all of hers out. Is it coincidence? Anyone else experience this? Are there any other side effects you might have noticed from certain ED safe foods but you aren't sure if it's just you?

---

Share your playlists!
/u/li_hu_sh [5'3 | CW:123 | 22.4 |-5| Female]
Created: Wed Jul 18 02:03:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztil2/share_your_playlists/
---
Be it recovery, pro, or just depressing stuff (but please label what kind it is!)

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[Other] JustEDThings (other)
/u/SEND_PET_PICS [5'3 | Male | SW: 168 | CW: 150 | UGW: 100 ]
Created: Wed Jul 18 01:45:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztf8h/justedthings_other/
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Looking up the health consequnces of restricting but not caring because you're so addicted to seeing the number on the scale drop

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[Rant/Rave] not super ed related but don’t want to post elsewhere
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Wed Jul 18 01:43:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ztexx/not_super_ed_related_but_dont_want_to_post/
---
https://i.redd.it/lsrg9406vna11.jpg

---

Simple truths we all should know/follow.
/u/MsFaceless [176cm | CW 58kg | BMI 18 | GW 50kg | 28F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 23:58:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zsunb/simple_truths_we_all_should_knowfollow/
---
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/weight-loss-mistakes

---

[Discussion] Wishing I had the flu
/u/peachpal95
Created: Tue Jul 17 23:53:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zstmk/wishing_i_had_the_flu/
---
My mom has a horrible bout of the flu right now. Throwing up out of ...both ends if you get my drift. When she first got it last week I was secretly hoping I would catch it from her so I would lose weight. So messed up. I guess I didn’t really want it because when the doctor diagnosed her they prescribed me that new flu med that shortens/prevents flu if you catch it early enough, and I’ve been taking it. Still kind of jealous she’s been throwing up and having diarrhea. Which is so messed up. She had to go to the hospital yesterday for iv rehydration. And today’s her birthday and she’s miserable. I’m years into recovery and here I am envying a horrible case of the flu ugh

---

got to love vodka..
/u/hayley_ [5' 10| 141 | 20.2 | -135 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 23:23:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zsnq2/got_to_love_vodka/
---
[rant/rave] nice big fat ugly drunk binge on the SECOND DAY OF TRYING NOT TO BINGE.
I am getting so frustrated with myself, I haven’t self harmed in months but holy fuck I need to have control if I am going to keep clean.
I need to have self control if I am going to let myself drink, fuck.

---

[Discussion] DAE think they could easily spot another "one of us" in the wild?
/u/mu514 [160 cm • 45~50 kg • F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 23:19:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zsmwx/dae_think_they_could_easily_spot_another_one_of/
---
Like picking up on physical signs or habits or random body checks in public. To give an example of each...

Russel's sign on a knuckle can be a giveaway for purging. Someone looking at several nutrition labels (comparing calories for a specific food) can be spotted in a grocery store. Someone who closes their hand around their wrist, at a seemingly random moment, might be body checking as a comfort thing.

Anyone else feel like they've got a sort of ED radar? What other signs do you guys think are easy to pick up on? (And are likely invisible to the average non-ED person)

---

[Help] Vyvanse no longer suppresses appetite
/u/LeithLeoni
Created: Tue Jul 17 22:51:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zsh24/vyvanse_no_longer_suppresses_appetite/
---
This is devastating to me. I'm an attorney and am stressed 24/7, but damn, 60mg of Vyvance should be taking away my appetite right? How do I fix this?

---

[Help] Drunk, bipolar and fasting
/u/sad_diner
Created: Tue Jul 17 22:30:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zsce1/drunk_bipolar_and_fasting/
---
Sitting at a bar filled with a mix of pretty skinnies and total hamplanets. I feel... ostracized. Some dude nearly knocked me off my stool to make room for a cute little blonde. Some fat dude has been hitting on me all night. For all my restricting and binging, I'll never been better than average and it has me wistful for a time that never existed. I didn't ask to be born, but I will prayed to die. Let me off this carousel. Why am I such an abominable coward?

---

[Rant/Rave] Dumb little rant : I want to lose weight but I'm afraid to due the amount of clothes I'll have to give away
/u/KittenX2017
Created: Tue Jul 17 22:12:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zs8g5/dumb_little_rant_i_want_to_lose_weight_but_im/
---
I own a lot of clothes - a lot. I go shopping monthly. I easily spend 300/400 a month on clothes


When I lose weight and get to my UGW I don't want to start new, where would I sell all my clothes? There's Platos Closet but what if they don't take them?


I don't want to give up my clothes but I fucking hate myself. I want to be beautiful and thin but I don't want to give up all my clothes - ESPECIALLY with all the money I put in.
I hate being hideous and fat. Why couldn't I be born with a fast metabolism? Why couldn't I be born with willpower? Why am I so worthless.
Why can't I just get over the fact that I'll need to give up my clothes to be beautiful.
God I'm such an idiot, I really hope someone else can related and not just me


WHY AM I SO UGLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

---

[Discussion] Anyone else grow up in a home with food restrictions?
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Tue Jul 17 21:57:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zs4ud/anyone_else_grow_up_in_a_home_with_food/
---
Did your siblings have allergies that kept food out of the house? Was your home vegan or vegetarian? Kosher or Halal? How did these behaviors, while perhaps needed change your relationship with food?

---

[Rant/Rave] dear husband
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 putridaffection]
Created: Tue Jul 17 21:53:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zs3rk/dear_husband/
---
when i haven’t eaten for legit 73 hours and i want a pair of headphones so i can listen to spotify have literally 10 minutes to myself while i wash dishes and decompress from being around two screaming children and i ask you where they are, the correct response is not a catty“you were the last person to have them”. i don’t care.

i asked nicely the first time. now *get me the fucking headphones*.

love, your angry wife

---

rant: carbs will be the death of me
/u/lighghtup
Created: Tue Jul 17 21:45:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zs22m/rant_carbs_will_be_the_death_of_me/
---
why does everything that tastes good have carbs in it?? if i restrict and try to cut out carbs i literally feel like i’m gonna die and then end up binging 🙃

---

When you finally give in and decide to get a grilled fish from the cafe
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Tue Jul 17 21:31:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zryrq/when_you_finally_give_in_and_decide_to_get_a/
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BUT THEY'RE ALL OUT OF FISH 🤤

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[Discussion] What scale do you use?
/u/MarieSage
Created: Tue Jul 17 21:04:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zrsb7/what_scale_do_you_use/
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I'm trying to find a new, more accurate scale for my house, but I've realized that most digital scales are wildly innacurate and fluctuate a ton. What scale would you recommend?

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[Rant/Rave] Can't cope with food weight [rant]
/u/Bakedalaska1 [5'5.5" | 128.4 | GW:120]
Created: Tue Jul 17 20:49:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zrokl/cant_cope_with_food_weight_rant/
---
This weekend I was the lowest I've been in a while, but it was due to hangover induced dehydration. I've gained back a couple pounds which is ok, but after dinner tonight I'm really struggling not to say fuck it and binge on everything. I ate a high volume (tomato, cucumber, feta, red wine vinegar- 220 cals) dinner and I know I'm going to gain tomorrow just due to the volume of food even though I've had under 1000 calories today. Why is it that when I lose it "isn't real weight" but when I gain it is? It's so discouraging to eat veggies and stick to an actual semi-healthy diet and see the scale go up day after day. This is why I go back to eating lightweight trash.

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[Discussion] Not super proED related but any insight. F21. 115 lbs. 5.1ft. I never work out or do any sort of fitness, why do I still have visible abs under a layer of chub?
/u/pointypoke
Created: Tue Jul 17 20:45:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zrnfe/not_super_proed_related_but_any_insight_f21_115/
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[Tip] I found an app that shames you into staying within/under your calorie budget
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine
Created: Tue Jul 17 20:45:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zrne5/i_found_an_app_that_shames_you_into_staying/
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It’s an app called Carrot. I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re trying to recover, because it might be relapse-triggering. But for those of you (like me) who are still full-fledge restricting, its perfect.

It basically insults you every time you log in a significant amount of calories. And you have a little avatar in game, and every time you log in calories, your little avatar gets fatter. If you go over your daily allowance, your avatar gets murdered.

So in a way it’s twisted, but it’s really helped keep me on track. I was having a bad week (1200-1700 calories per day), and today I was able to keep it at about 560-600.

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[Other] Grocery haul
/u/Poopoodemons [5’1 | CW 97.8 | BMI 18.5 | GW 90]
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:46:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr8jj/grocery_haul/
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https://i.imgur.com/UVRTcc1.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] [Possible trigger warning] I'm the fucking worst
/u/churromatsuisbae
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:42:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr7nd/possible_trigger_warning_im_the_fucking_worst/
---
Hey guys,

I'm sorry in advance for the long ass rant ahead but I just need to vent.

I feel like the worst piece of shit to ever come into existence. I'm slowly starting to open up to other people about my ED and I already hate myself for it. I hate feeling so self conscious all the time and I hate that now others know about this, it makes me feel incredibly stupid and vulnerable. Especially since I think this will force me to talk about how much I (sometimes) envy my best friend (she's one of my biggest triggers). I feel like a big fat stupid piece of useless garbage next to her; she's everything I'm not: athletic, very thin, funny, cute, assertive, likeable, etc. I want to starve myself to death when I'm near her tbh.

I saw a picture of myself yesterday and I legitimately cried from how fat I looked. I have a bmi on the high end of healthy (21.1) but I swear I look fucking obese.

Even when good things happen to me, the only thing I can think of is how fat I am. I started dating my crush a month ago, and he's so kind and sweet to me it makes me want to cry. I can't keep my mouth shut about anything so I'm always commenting on how fat I look in front of him, and I know it must be tiring for him because he must think I do it as a means to fish for compliments but I'm just genuinely disgusted by the way I look.

I don't know what to do anymore. All this makes me want to kill myself so badly because why even bother, but ever since I started dating my SO I also feel like my life actually means something and I don't want to throw that away.

I wish everything was easier. No ED, no bipolar, no shitty self. It's all so tiring.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like living a college dorm screwed their relationship with food?
/u/czechczech
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:38:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr6oa/does_anyone_else_feel_like_living_a_college_dorm/
---
I don't know if anyone else can relate, but I hope so. I was always a very naturally thin kid and teenager. My parents were pretty health conscious, cooked at home a lot and always had fruits and veggies around. I had a healthy relationship with food (just a few "if you eat like shit it'll catch up with you" comments from my parents here and there) and never worried about my weight, chalking it up to good genetics of metabolism or whatever. When I went to college I was already incredibly thin, but when I got there managed to get to a very low weight unintentionally. Dorm food was gross and unappealing, and I never ate enough just out of shear disgust. I went to school in a rural town, was broke, and didn't have a car to get to local grocery stores to pick up my own food. I always felt famished and sick and miserable. The more I felt sick, the more I blamed the dorm food, and the less I ate. I remember going home on breaks and eating an insane amount of food, because it felt so good to eat real food.

I only lived in the dorms for one year. After I left the dorms I had an apartment, a car, and a job. Suddenly I could feed myself again, and it was amazing. I didn't know what fullness felt like anymore, like I knew no end. Where as before this I ate like a bird, suddenly when I had food it felt like I'd never see it again and I had to eat it ALL. As time went on I obviously gained weight. And then I started researching how to lose weight. And it was all downhill from there.

I never felt bad about my body. I never thought I was fat. I never had a bad relationship with food. It wasn't until I didn't have access to food I wanted, and had access to gross shit food, that the issues began to surface. I feel really bitter about this. And I have never met anyone who can relate. I feel like most people go to college and gain weight from dorm food, but I was the exact opposite. It was such an awful experience and it ruined my relationship with food completely.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else wonder how they didn't gain weight before their ED?
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 114| LW: 110 |HW: 134|UGW: 105|19F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:36:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr5yr/does_anyone_else_wonder_how_they_didnt_gain/
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I'm not sure how unique this is, but I've never been overweight before. Both of my parents are thin, my mom naturally and my dad because of chronic stomach problems. I used to eat like a goddamned pig and never got over 135-ish pounds. I was completely sedentary so my body was pretty squishy all over, but I never left the healthy weight range. How the fuck did I do that?! I used to binge on fast food and junk food every single day and not gain. Now it feels like eating one sandwich makes me gain 8 pounds. I feel so much fatter now than I ever did and I hate it. I wish I could go back to being the girl who didn't give a shit about what she ate and didn't care about the way her body looked. It's fucked up that I'm jealous of someone I used to be.

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[Discussion] Is this a good thing or bad?
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:26:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr3o6/is_this_a_good_thing_or_bad/
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So I ate pretty well today, managed to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner AND kept my food down too! Woohoo! But I'm starting to feel a little anxious that in total I only had 717 calories today but everything I ate was good so I can't tell if I'm doing more harm than good.

Here's what I ate:

Breakfast- 2 eggs, tofu hot dog with chopped cilantro (130 calories)

Lunch- a sandwich (236 calories)

Dinner- chicken, 1 potato, veggies which include broccoli, green beans and carrots

Snack- soy chocolate milk (125ml/ 75 calories)

Is this okay?

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[Rant/Rave] For the love of all that’s holy...
/u/_Pulltab_ [ 5'7" | CW 177| BMI 27.7 | -18 |GW 135 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:25:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr3fc/for_the_love_of_all_thats_holy/
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My husband is eating peanut M&M’s in bed and I’m about to shove them up his ass!

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[Other] Hmmm
/u/Myrrsha
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:24:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr2zc/hmmm/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/ShittyLifeProTips/comments/8zpga2/lpt_you_can_use_a_bidet_to_rinse_your_mouth_out/?utm_source=reddit-android

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[Discussion] kinda gross but...veins
/u/AgreeableReplacement [22F🍒5'8🍒~100lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:18:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr1ot/kinda_gross_butveins/
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does anyone else have excessively protruding veins because i sure do and the summer heat isn't helping. i have them all over my body especially on my arms, even on my thighs, stomach and face. i can feel them bulging and it makes me all squeamish and uncomfortable. i want to hide under a million layers of clothes, winter pls come quicker :/

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[Help] La Croix
/u/sharkmew
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:14:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zr0f5/la_croix/
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so recently i tried the grapefruit la croix and...its not that great at all. but alas, its 0 calorie and id love to be able to get into this brand of drinks ! im sure theres gotta be a good tasting la croix out there somewhere, so does anyone have any flavors to suggest ?

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[Other] Any men who frequent this sub?
/u/Jokkitch
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqzo5/any_men_who_frequent_this_sub/
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I've been a lurker of this subreddit for awhile and I love and appreciate all of the camradarie and information that everyone brings. But sometimes I feel like I'm the only male here.

This isn't a complaint, just an observation.

Much love, and keep up the good fight againsr the food industry!

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Anyone else purging on accident?
/u/Thtcrazygiraffe
Created: Tue Jul 17 19:01:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqx9f/anyone_else_purging_on_accident/
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Didn’t know how to phrase this well in the title, but basically whenever I eat now if I feel too full or I lay down/am horizontally everything I ate automatically comes up. Like without me trying at all, I literally just puked the peas I ate into a bowl so that it didn’t get on my bed.

Has this happened to anyone else before? How frequently? Did it go away after a while?

Thanks so much, also this is my first post I’m sorry if I did anything against the rules, I read up on them and think I followed them, but I’ll feel really bad if I didn’t use the right terms.

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[Tip] For the Mountain Dew lovers
/u/whataurban [6'1" | 155 | 19.52 | 0 | M2F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:59:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqwlp/for_the_mountain_dew_lovers/
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If you like Code Red you can pick up cases of it in diet (yeah I said diet) online from Wal-Mart $3.50 a case

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[Intro] I've returned
/u/whataurban
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:47:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqteu/ive_returned/
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Deleted my old reddit.

I've been going it alone in my struggle and I've grown tired of being alone, so I came back because I know everyone here is amazing and supportive. Anyways I'm glad to be back here.

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[Tip] Here's a really good yam + carrot soup recipe I made myself!
/u/lxelan4862 [✽5'3 | CW 104 lbs | BMI 18.4 | GW 98 | Female✽]
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:23:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqn83/heres_a_really_good_yam_carrot_soup_recipe_i_made/
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No butter, no oil - 103 calories if you eat 1/3 of the batch! (Sorry for the rough measurements, I dont have a measuring cup on me atm)

Ingredients:

1 3/4 yam, 1 3/4 large carrots, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1 tbsp lemon juice + 1 tsp zest, tsp garlic, parsley, dried basil, salt + pepper to taste, 1 tbsp raw ginger root (you can tweak this recipe however you want!)

Directions:
-bring water to a boil in a medium-sized pot, chop carrots and yams and boil for ~25 minutes until they are soft. Meanwhile add in garlic and some of the cinnamon.
-add contents into blender and blend accordingly until the puree is at your desired consistency.
-once the puree is ready, transfer contents into pot and simmer. It's best if you add in some hot water to compensate for some that has evaporated.
-add in the rest of the ingredients and mix with spoon thoroughly. For best results let the soup cool down for about 10 minutes.

And you're done! Its super satisfying and filling. Hope you enjoy :)

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[Discussion] What happens to fat when you restrict?
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:20:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqmgc/what_happens_to_fat_when_you_restrict/
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This is something I’ve always wondered

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[Discussion] School is starting a month
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:20:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqmat/school_is_starting_a_month/
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i just started panicking so hard rn because I realize I start school in a month (junior in university) and I’m so terrified if I don’t continue to lose weight. Any other students or workers have any tips to not mindlessly gain my weight back while I’m busy studying?

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I forgot I was supposed to fast today.
/u/pinkie-pie-promise
Created: Tue Jul 17 18:17:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqlit/i_forgot_i_was_supposed_to_fast_today/
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And I absentmindedly started chewing gum at work bc I didn’t want customers to smell my breath. I got a few pieces and sometimes I will just FILL my mouth with gum and chew it (I use it to not binge too lol) and then. I remembered.

I’m trying to fast every single day I’m not at my other job (coffee shop) because I get to have free caffeine there, even if it comes with calories, but I’m so busy I’m walking around and burning cals. My adderall gets rid of my appetite anyway and I try to only eat when I’m actually hungry, not when my BED tells me I WANT food. But now I feel like a fat piece of garbage who can’t keep food out of their mouth for one day. Ugh.

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[Help] I know I dont want to binge but I think I'm going to anyway
/u/spaghetti_girl [5'3" | CW: 121 | GW: 105 | 20F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 17:53:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqf4q/i_know_i_dont_want_to_binge_but_i_think_im_going/
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basically what the title says

I haven't been sleeping, been feeling really incompetent at work, and I think I miss my ex ( <- wtf, pls stop). my birthday is coming up soon and I'm probably spending it alone.

the thing is I know that i only feel the impulse to binge because eating seems like my last source of comfort and control. i can rationalize through the impulses but it doesn't make the ugly feelings go away. I bought the food anyway and now I'm just sitting in my room with it still unopened.

I'm so tired of swinging between highs and lows and restricting and bingeing. I wish I could just stick with one. idk what to do anymore.

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[Discussion] Motivating myself to restrict by thinking ‘she won’t love me if I’m this fat’, and weirdly it’s working. Anyone else do this?
/u/pinnekjottt [5’7 | CW 235lb | UGW 115 | F |]
Created: Tue Jul 17 17:47:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zqdk8/motivating_myself_to_restrict_by_thinking_she/
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So I’ve been finding it hard to restrict lately, and keep falling back into binge eating habits. However, a couple of weeks ago I made a promise to myself that if I got down to my goal weight, I could ask out the girl I’ve had a crush on for ages, and it’s the only thing that’s motivating me. Like, seriously, brain? You won’t do this because you’re obese and hate your body, but you’ll restrict happily if you think ‘she won’t ever love me if I’m fat?’

This is honestly so ridiculous like... If there was ever a way to make an eating disorder even worse for my mental health, it would be to pin all of my self worth and motivation on the validation of someone I have a crush on. Good going, me. Does anyone else do this?

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[Help] calorie estimate please
/u/mellowguppy [Height: 5'3 | CW: 113 | GW: 108 | 21F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 17:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zq85o/calorie_estimate_please/
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https://i.redd.it/70o1ly6mela11.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Green beans lmao
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Tue Jul 17 17:18:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zq5ml/green_beans_lmao/
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Made some green beans and 1/2 a toasted sweet potato for my tea. Probably came to 120 calories max (but I’m logging 150 because of who I am as a person). Ate the potato and some of the beans before LEGITIMATELY CRYING OVER GREEN BEANS.

Guys those things are A SAFE FOOD. They have NO CALORIES (well they do but in terms of other things I could be eating) and I cried??

GREEN FUCKING BEANS CHRIST IN HELL

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[Rant/Rave] I relapsed years ago without knowing it
/u/ilonacamille
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:47:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpx8f/i_relapsed_years_ago_without_knowing_it/
---
When I was 15 I started to skip meals. I lost 20 pounds in a very short time. Thankfully I was able to get better before it got too serious.

Thanks to binge-eating and hypothyroidism I became obese. When I was 19 I decided to become healthy again. I joined a bodystyling group and got a diet plan. You had to go 2/3x a week and you got measured, weighed and had to do a workout.

If my appointment was at 7pm I wouldn’t eat all day because I wanted to weigh less than before. I’d sit on the toilet for an hour hoping to lose more weight. They’d be rude if you maintained, not caring about periods, or different times of the weigh in. I lost 30 pounds “the healthy way” thanks to healthy food and exercise.

Then I discovered diet subreddits. “Eat whatever you want just weigh and track everything”. I can’t believe I was acting like a fool weighing, tracking everything thinking it was healthy. Restricting myself for days only to binge on whatever I could find. But it was all fine, just eat less calories the next day!

Today I found this sub and I can’t believe how obvious it was. I have an eating disorder. I can’t “just” eat. It’s constantly counting calories, finding ways to cut out more and more of them or eating every damn edible thing in sight.

TLDR; You guys are amazing. You know you have a problem and you would never encourage others. Meanwhile others are doing the exact same thing and encourage other people to do the same leading them down a dangerous road.

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New guy = ED flaring up
/u/rawtruism [5'2 | cw: 100.5 lbs | gw: 88 lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:47:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpwzo/new_guy_ed_flaring_up/
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ooooh boy. I've gone and found myself head over heels infatuated with a guy who is also incredibly infatuated with me. He's gorgeous and we really click, so I think there might be an actual thing here. Maybe. We're still getting to know each other, but we're very invested in this. Hah. Hope I don't end up disappointed as fuck.

ANYHOW. He is. SO skinny. And tall. Like 6'5. And as I said, gorgeous. So naturally, I want to be even TINIER next to him. He picked me up and fucked me against a wall last time we saw each other, and I wanna make stuff like that easier. Because damn.

And anyway. He's also been away for like a week and then I found myself like. Alone and restless because I couldn't hang with him. So of course I've been eating EVERYTHING and not purging because it has been a while since I last did that ?? and I thought I was over it kind of but UGH this feeling in my stomach that comes from eating too much is just... Killing me.

I'm seeing him again tomorrow and I honestly feel like I've gained 10 lbs just this week. It's horrible. I feel horrible. It's gonna be fine. I know this. But fuck I wish this shit didn't flare up just because I wanna look even better for a guy who already thinks I'm the absolute shit. What gives? Illogical as fuck.

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[Rant/Rave] I look like a toad
/u/sweet_tea_3 [5'7" | CW 118.6 | GW 110| 20F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:31:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpsfm/i_look_like_a_toad/
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I just got my new drivers license today in the mail and my picture is literally a toad. I knew I had a round face but now I am literally fasting for the rest of the week. I look fatter then in my old pic an I weighed at least 20lbs less. I’m so done right now at least I’ll always have a reminder of how I actually look in my pocket

Sorry for the rant/ bad format

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"...well not too much more"
/u/originalcee [5' | CW 69 | BMI 13.48 | -25 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:16:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpojr/well_not_too_much_more/
---
Just need to do a quick rant here. I'm not sure where "we" all are from the mpa fiasco, so hi!

Okay, so quick explanation. I'm 5', 32 years old married for 7. I was around 85 lbs when we got married. Not really disordered; I've always been small, just some minor disordered eating, I guess.

I gained some weight drinking too much and eating office donuts etc. I weighed myself (unfairly) after Christmas dinner this past Christmas and was 98 lbs and freaked out. I'd been gaining a bit, usually sitting around 95 lbs, but the food weight pushing me close to 100 had me all upset. Never been 100 lbs in my life.

I started restricting heavily, around 600 calories a day. Lost the weight and then some. At 75 lbs, my husband said something about looking really thin, so I've been eating around 800 since then. Still losing weight, but slowly.

Today, I weighed 69 lbs. I can see the ribs coming from my breastbone which is a bit new for me. I said, "hm, I guess I need to eat more," and he says "...well not too much more."

Oh my god. Like no, I don't want to get fat, but yikes if that didn't just kill my resolve to eat a little bit closer to maintenance calories.

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[Discussion] Am I the only ‘Junk-Food-Rexic”
/u/cas215
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpmv1/am_i_the_only_junkfoodrexic/
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Like I restrict and exercise and keep my calories in-out between -300 & 200 but like, im sitting here eating pizza and honestly, I never really eat that much ‘ED food’
I tend to try to eat controlled amounts of good but high cal foods instead of tons of nasty but low-cal.

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[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate this mindset
/u/ballsdeeep699
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:09:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpmme/i_fucking_hate_this_mindset/
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Anyone else feel as if every time they say “just this once” to food they’ll end up saying that to literally every single food in the world and end up in a never ending cycle of binging and restricting? It’s 11pm in the UK and I’m so fucking hungry but scared at the same time.

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[Rant/Rave] Guestimating calorie numbers in your head only to remember you're shit at math after you've eaten the entire thing
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5| 100 lbs| 19.4| 18F| Exploring Recovery]
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:06:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zplvj/guestimating_calorie_numbers_in_your_head_only_to/
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So I'm off to the grocery store to grab something to eat while I have time between work and pole.

I've worked ten days in a row, found out my ex is finally quitting next month, had to see him and be reminded about how much I still like his voice as we switched over shifts.

As such, I thought I'd treat myself and go slightly over my calorie limit for the day. After agonizing over various "healthy" chip options that I really didn't like want, I spot a bag of mini baguettes that are 110 cal for 20 g and the bag is 150 g.

Well, guys and gals, there are two absolute truths about me: 1. I'm shit at math. 2. I'm a sucker for bread and cheese. Therefore, I end up calculating that the whole bag is about 500 calories, pay for it and eat the whole thing in roughly fifteen minutes.

ITS 725. I'm an idiot. An actual idiot. And now I'm just going to transfer all 425 calories that I'm over my limit over to tomorrow. Welcome to low restriction. RIP.

---

[Discussion] Any other borderline (BPD) people on this sub?
/u/Bleepbloopbroke [65|CW 121.4|GW 110|UGW 84|20.44|]
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:06:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpls9/any_other_borderline_bpd_people_on_this_sub/
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It's so frustrating! 90% of the time I feel like shit about my body but I'll get mood swings where I feel amazing for an hour, feel great about my body and all that.... and then I screw up all my progress and I swing to being way more depressed about everything than I started. I'll feel depressed, worthless.

This happens usually several times a day

God I hate myself lol

Anyway just curious to see how many of you are out there :)

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I ate today. It’s been two weeks. Told myself it wouldn’t turn into a binge but it has :/
/u/speedayyyy
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:05:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zplce/i_ate_today_its_been_two_weeks_told_myself_it/
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Fuck my life. I went clothes shopping today to get some cute stuff and I was so freakin hungry. I was walking past the food court and immediately the smell hit me, chick fil a.. my weakness. I tried to tell myself to not do it but I am weak af. I got a small chicken nuggets and a small fry then devoured the whole thing. Couldn’t purge because I was at the mall so just suffered and felt like shit the whole time. Doesn’t help that I hit a new low weight! Came home and fiancé got pizza so I had a slice of that, then I shoved Cheetos into my face and chocolate cake. Am feel bloated AS HELL and guilty too. I’m so full that I feel like I’m gonna explode. Guess that’s what happens when you try to live off of just Diet Coke and rice cakes 💁‍♀️ guess now I’m gonna fast until I can’t anymore

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[Help] Is it possible to maintain while recovering?
/u/motivation-cat
Created: Tue Jul 17 16:04:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpl6y/is_it_possible_to_maintain_while_recovering/
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TL;DR at bottom

Hi. I’m kind of in recovery in that I’m trying to eat more comfortably and up my intake...but it’s on my own. There’s no in or outpatient, no doctors, no nutritionists, just me, my mom, and some hope.

Now, last time I checked a few days ago, I weighed 97 pounds at 5’4” as a (young) teenager. And honestly? I wouldn’t mind maintaining. I have a thigh gap, I have collarbones and slightly visible back bones, my tummy doesn’t have much fat, etc. (I probably gained over the past few days, though, I can tell)

But obviously to fully recover I have to get my intake to 1,600 ish, which is what is recommended for adolescents. The number terrifies me beyond belief. Yesterday and today I ate 550 calories (which honestly keeps me pretty full) and I almost cried about three times because I’m still terrified of gaining.

Still. My eating habits were tearing my family and my life apart so I HAVE to recover. Is there any possible way to recover without gaining, though? It’s so terrifying when I’ve just eaten and my stomach is bloated that I have to force myself not to go back to starving. The gap between my thighs has slowly been closing. It’s so scary. I’ve been trying to do some exercise to compensate but still.

I want to be able to comfortably eat again and eat like a normal person and not panic at the thought of calories but I cannot stand the thought of gaining.

Tl;dr Im trying to recover and get my intake to normal again, on my own, but I don’t want weight restoration...I just really wanna maintain. Can I recover without gaining?

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what body checks do you do the most frequently?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:51:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zphdy/what_body_checks_do_you_do_the_most_frequently/
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for me its kind of this grabbing motion at my stomach fat or sort of pushing it all into one spot in the middle of my stomach (idk how to describe it) and i also touch my hipbones a lot

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What are your guys’ binge trigger foods?
/u/tangerine_twist [5'8 | GW: 130 | 23.9 | 19F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:47:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpgb8/what_are_your_guys_binge_trigger_foods/
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I haven’t bought cheez it’s or goldfish in over a year because I will finish the whole bag 😭

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[Help] How can I keep my titties big? I need to lose 80 pounds and I love my boobs, I don’t want to lose too much of them /:
/u/hypothermi_a
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:30:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpbg6/how_can_i_keep_my_titties_big_i_need_to_lose_80/
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I wear a 38D bra and I want to keep it that way. I’m falling back into old habits and I don’t want them to shrink too much. What foods (anything really) promote breast growth? Does anyone here use any, and if so how’d it work?

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[Discussion] DAE not admit what their fear foods are?
/u/ImDestinedToDie [5'6.5|Shrek's Jealous|GW: 114 |Female]
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:30:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpb6t/dae_not_admit_what_their_fear_foods_are/
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Anytime someone asks me what food I want to binge on or I have I shy away from answering and lie. I’d rather people think I binged on popcorn and candy rather than my actual favorite hot Cheetos or fries when I go out. It’s just embarrassing, I can’t admit it to even the closest people in my life in fear of being judged, especially anytime I eat the food.
I just b/p today and I wanted to tell somebody I’m close to.. then I realized I don’t want to because I don’t want to admit what I ate.

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[Tip] I've just come to a great realisation!
/u/hollybear350
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:29:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zpb64/ive_just_come_to_a_great_realisation/
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*(Skip to bold text to read my realisation)*

Do not make the same mistake that I have made when trying to recover!

So to give you a bit of a picture, I am 16, female and from the UK.
I struggled with restricting for (I think) about a year before I started binge eating the weight back.
Despite getting to a healthy weight I continued to binge until eventually I became overweight.
I started purging after my binges and got back to a normal BMI, but was more miserable than before. So, around four months ago today, I decided I wanted to be healthy. At this point, binge eating and purging were the only behaviours I was struggling with.

I asked my parents if they could not buy- or could hide- the junk food that was in the house. They said yes and decided on the latter.
There was still some 'junk food' in the cupboards, but only stuff that I thought I would never binge on. Such as: hula hoops, nakd bars, callipo lollies, 40g bourneville bars.

Everyone thought that I was "vegan"; I am ashamed to say that after 9 months I binged and still do binge on food containing animal products so I am **not** vegan. I'm telling you guys this because it is relevant due to the fact that *everyone* thought/thinks that I am vegan.
This meant that my parents still bought a lot of non-vegan junk food.

So for the first month it was fine- I ate around 1,350 calories every day and I felt my mood improve. There was no bad food around to tempt me and I felt invincible.

Then, some family friends came over for the weekend and brought with them so much unhealthy food that it shocked me just looking at it. Well they went, leaving nearly all of the untouched junk food behind as clearly my parents weren't interested in it lol.
As soon as I got the house to myself, you can imagine what went down. I binged and purged on said food. It wasn't vegan, however my parents never asked where that particular food went.

I felt awful, and a few days later I had another binge & purge on whatever I could find in the house. The lack of having desired binge foods in the house didn't stop me. I just opened the fridge and stuffed everything edible down my throat given that I didn't hate it: I don't hate many foods. I ate so much, fruit, bread, cereal, ketchup, mushrooms, and tons of non-vegan junk food.

My parents clocked onto the fact that I was stealing food that wasn't vegan and started hiding that as well. Gradually more and more food started getting hidden from me. Bread, fruit, crackers. Food that wasn't even considered unhealthy.

For about a month I managed a routine of eating healthily throughout the week and then as soon as I was left home alone on the weekend I would go and eat **everything** in the kitchen, before raiding the whole house, and many times finding packets of biscuits and boxes of chocolates stored away underneath my parent's bed before I devoured them. I would then purge, hide the wrappers, and repeat the process until my parents got home.

After a month my self-control seemed to lessen further to the point where I would eat healthily for a day or two, before being overcome by the sudden urge to eat everything in sight. I would then binge and purge for the remainder of that day, at this point not caring if my parents were home or not.
This is what my eating habits are like at present.

But today, I have come to the realisation that the cause of my current eating habits is painfully obvious.



**Here is what I did wrong and what I should have done instead in my recovery attempt:**

To understand what I did wrong we first have to understand my eating disorder. My eating disorder **is** my body's flawed logic that-

*To survive I need to consume everything*

Key point being to "consume everything".

To recover I need to teach my body that this logic is flawed.

My recovery strategy was to decrease the total amount of food in my surroundings.
This was my mistake.
Even if- especially if- by following this strategy I ate a balanced diet, doing so actually reinforced the flawed logic that needed to be corrected in the first place thus actually making my eating disorder, my *psychological* illness, worse.
This means that if your lifestyle changes, to one that makes binge eating within the bounds of possibility, there is a much higher chance that you will repeat bad habits.
Chances are, your lifestyle will change. Maybe you marry someone who brings unhealthy food home one evening, or you start working in a takeaway that gives you free food.

If I am still being confusing then this hypothetical scenario may help you understand:

*If an obese woman with a diagnosis of Binge Eating Disorder gets locked, by someone else, in a room for 4 months and is given a total of 600 calories a day every day she spends there, when she comes out, infertile and weighing 6 stone does she still have BED even though she is physically anorexic?*




What I am trying to say is that yes, while you can change your surroundings to rule out the possibility of partaking in ED behaviours, to fully recover from an ED, you have to correct the flawed logic.

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I feel like I don't know what hunger is?
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -25lb | M21]
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:24:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zp9qu/i_feel_like_i_dont_know_what_hunger_is/
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As in, I have a lot of feelings, but it's never what I'd call *hunger.* I fast a lot (my highest has been 168hr, I'm 24 into a 100 rn), but I never feel "hungry." I'll get light headed, and weak, my stomach will hurt, I can't get food off my mind, but it just feels like I'm light headed and thinking about food and I have a stomach ache. It never feels right to call it "hunger." And then I get so mad at myself when I do eat, even if I break fast because I'm dizzy or blacking out, because it feels like I don't actually *need* food because I'm not hungry. That if I eat without feeling what I would call hunger, then I'm just eating because I'm bored or whatever and not because I need it. But I don't know what I would call hunger. I don't know if I really have never felt hunger or if this is just some weird dissociation thing.

Idk, anyone else experience something like this?

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[Other] I'm the worst
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zp72n/im_the_worst/
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Logical brain: it's okay been 10 days since you last felt handsome. It's gonna be okay dude chill the fuck out.

ED brain: 10 DAYS OF BINGING UGLY. THAT'S PROBABLY 10LBS. Ur haven't been working out, just sitting around getting XL.

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special forum for treatment centers
/u/tuthbrushingmaniac
Created: Tue Jul 17 15:09:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zp4w6/special_forum_for_treatment_centers/
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tldr at bottom

I don't know if this is the best place to post this, and please excuse me if this has already been posted (i didn't find it), but could we get together in one place a thorough review of the treatment places and level of care we've all been to. and i mean...

1 acknowledging our own biases from the onset and saying when we were there to give a frame of reference(summer 2015)

2 explaining what the day to day schedule was like ( wake up:X:XXam, weights/vitals:Y:YYam, breakfast:Z:ZZam, etc)

3 what groups they have( art therapy, cbt,), and what they are like

3 how meals were (inc. availability to select what you eat, what choosing the meals/snacks was like, the dining environment("staff breathed down your neck like an effing dragon to make sure you took the full serving, and then we all ate in silence except for this one staff worker who wouldn't shut the f up about her cat"), if you had to fill out paperwork ( see *suds*), time to eat(e.g. 45min meals/snacks), how the selection was for meals and snacks("oh, it was wonderful, they gave us halo top as dessert and safe foods x, y, & z were always an option" /s), and other things that would be good to know, like getting specific food challenges, or going to restaurants)

4 interactions with staff/other residents,

5 amenities of the places (feels weird saying that, but like washer/dryer 1x/wk with byo detergent, towels and linens are good, but byo pillow, showers in AM only, PM if approved, phones/laptops not allowed, etc.)

6 therapists/dietitians/doctors appointments -- how meetings go, how they're scheduled, how they interact with you, how long, frequency, what you can/can't talk about(weight) if relevant, etc.

7 outings -- like only on weekends, or for restaurants, that kind of stuff

8 bathroom situation -- I brush my teeth a lot, so i made this its own category

9 anything else we should know
10 overall recommendation

tldr: to put in one place, lets review where we've been in great detail so other people can better choose where to seek treatment

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[Rant/Rave] I’ve hit a plateau and have no idea where to go from here
/u/holamuneca
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:56:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zp0v5/ive_hit_a_plateau_and_have_no_idea_where_to_go/
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To begin I’m 5’5” and typically walk around at 108. In the past month I’ve gained 10 lbs and have absolutely nothing to pin it on. I practice intermittent fasting and OMAD, and still the needle doesn’t budge. I’m thinking of just riding my broccoli and rice diet until my wedding then saying to hell with it, let my body balance itself out.

In the meantime, my head looks like it’s about 10 sizes too big for my body, my thighs literally jiggle like jello and I’ve managed to develop a pooch on my stomach. I’m coming up on 30 in a year or two and have always heard that your body “slows down” around that time, but I had no idea it’d be so brutal when it actually happened.

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Where's everyone from?
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:51:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zozf3/wheres_everyone_from/
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This sub feels like a family. It would be cool to know where everyone is from :)
I'm from the UK 🇬🇧

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Seeing my physiatrist today, should i ask for Wellbutrin?
/u/reanbean117
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:46:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoxr9/seeing_my_physiatrist_today_should_i_ask_for/
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Has anyone taken wellbutrin?

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[Other] Ant infestation in the kitchen = terrifying reason to not eat right now :(
/u/peachypetrina
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:45:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoxhu/ant_infestation_in_the_kitchen_terrifying_reason/
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I’m super afraid of bugs and yesterday I discovered these tiny ants in our microwave. Then today I found them in/around the stove (where I mainly cook food!) and I am so disturbed. I’m a little sad I can’t cook my usual stuff but on the other hand, this is keeping me away from the kitchen so at least I’m glad for that? My mom has been spraying the ants to kill them but I’m afraid I’ll just keep discovering them and they’ll eventually get to the pantry or fridge and literally no food will be safe to eat... anyway I just needed to talk about this interruption in my food routine! I hate bugs!!!

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[Rant/Rave] Hostility towards skinny people
/u/LizE4 [5'3 | CW: 110 | BMI 19.5 | GW: 100-105 lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:45:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoxcq/hostility_towards_skinny_people/
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My mother is a tiny Vietnamese woman who is naturally underweight. She's 5'2 and weighs 99 lbs (which is really heavy for her) and she eats whatever she wants when she wants. She's a five meal a day, pizza and ice cream for diner sort of person. When she was 9 months pregnant with me, she weighed 90 lbs max. (why didn't I inherit her metabolism?!?!?!)

I was away with her and some of her friends this weekend, and the entire weekend they kept insisting she must not be eating right or something and actually acting really hostile because she's skinnier than them. Not envy, just hostility.

I'm probably weird in the sense that I don't like pointing out my weight at all. Not even if it's complimenting me. People say I look like I've been dieting, I look skinnier and I look good, and it bothers me. I'm not even underweight yet. What if I start getting the same treatment as her? I honestly think I'd just give up and cut all social interaction out of my life completely.

I don't know. This is getting really rambly. I was just really uncomfortable the entire weekend and ended up eating like 2000 calories a day and now I feel even worse.

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Two weeks ago I was down 6 pounds.
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 114.2 | GW 101 | WL 3 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:33:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zotti/two_weeks_ago_i_was_down_6_pounds/
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I'm feeling the fall of failure. Just two weeks ago I was 6 pounds lighter and this week I feel like a fucking ugly whale. Why do I just keep eating? Why do I insist on shoving sustenance in my mouth? A banana. Guacamole. Salsa. Prepared beans. All plant-based, but all still nutrient, calories, shorthand for fat. I'll never again see the slight of my thighs, the slimness of an empty waste. Why do I waste my moments engaging with taste. Why can't I be a committed faster who downs zero-calorie kool-aid. Why can't I accustom myself to the metallic taste of aspartame? Why do I continue to give my body the privilege of indulging. I don't want to die. But oh, do I.

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this girl in the front row of my psychology class is TRIGGERING
/u/kufchan [5"3 | 126 | 22.94 | 8 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:33:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoton/this_girl_in_the_front_row_of_my_psychology_class/
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fuck, i cant stand real life thinspo. this is the second time a girl has been so thin that it actually distracts and triggers me. this girl is perfection. she is 5"5ish, and looks like she weighs about 100lbs. her skin is so clear and she gives off this effortless, put together vibe. she always asks questions in class, makes the class laugh, and is super stylish and put together. im probably biased but i swear she has an ed too - she is so little.

i had been doing pretty well at restricting the past couple of weeks until yesterday, when i went to go get a bowl of phö by myself after school - i didnt finish it but i feel so bad. so i was feeling pretty good up until then. i tried to let it roll off my back and resolved to start a new fast, but as soon as i walked into class and saw her this morning i feel like there's no point. i will never be that skinny and beautiful, even if i lose the weight ill still have these wide hips and terrible skin

and we sit near each other too. my eyes can't help but dart over to her legs, arms, stomach and then back at mine, comparing everything. i feel like i can feel the fat weighing down my body now. it's disgusting.

have yall had similar experiences? how did you deal with it? any advice?

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[Rant/Rave] Currently at work starving
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:20:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zopwl/currently_at_work_starving/
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I went on “lunch” and stayed in my car for 30 minutes instead of getting a Doritos los taco w chicken from Taco Bell (only 140 cal 👀) but decided against it bc I wanted to wait a few more hours. Now I’m dizzy and I get off in 2 hours exactly. I’m so exhausted and want to eat so much...there’s really no point about this rant tbh I think I’m going to get chipotle instead and have that as my only meal of the day

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NEW HALO TOP FLAVOURS IN THE UK
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:17:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zop02/new_halo_top_flavours_in_the_uk/
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HOLY SHIT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
BIRTHDAY CAKE (280), OATMEAL COOKIE (280), AND RED VELVET (360) ARE NOW IN SOME TESCOS!!

IN ADDITION TO NONDAIRY PEANUT BUTTER CUP (320), SEA SALT CARAMEL (320), AND TOASTED COCONUT (320)

ALL PRAISE

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[Rant/Rave] This may not be the right place for this...
/u/Babe-rahamLincoln [5'2" | CW: 110 | GW: 105 | UGW: 90 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:09:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zom78/this_may_not_be_the_right_place_for_this/
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But does anyone else here place their entire self worth in one person?

When things aren’t good between my boyfriend and I (whether we’re actually fighting or I just FEEL like we’re not as good as we usually are) it’s like my entire world comes crashing down.
I restrict even more so than usual and I cry like you wouldn’t believe.

I know it’s extremely unfair to him even though he’s pretty oblivious to it because we’re long distance at the moment. But I don’t know how to stop honestly.

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[Help] overwhelmed and possibly heading to recovery
/u/astra2018
Created: Tue Jul 17 14:05:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zol38/overwhelmed_and_possibly_heading_to_recovery/
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so i’ve been at my goal weight for a few weeks now (yay!) and i’ve decided to stay at maintenance because me losing anymore weight will literally make me die and lose all my remaining butt and boobs. Maintenance for me is 1300 calories. It’s super low I know, but it’s a lot for me since i literally don’t know how to not be in a deficit. i’m actually 4 pounds lower than my UGW, and it wasn’t intentional. I really need advice on how to eat normally again. so far i’ve been either eating yogurt, huge salad, and fruits all day, feel full, but it was under eating- or occasionally binge eating and going over my calories by like 500. Some days I feel like eating the whole world- and other days (especially when i’m sad) I want to starve myself. I haven’t gained any weight after about a month of being like this, but it’s just not normal. I want to eat normally again but it’s so overwhelming to eat a normal sized meal now. Eating breakfast AND 2 slices of pizza in one day will overwhelm me and make me cry then starve myself for a few days afterwards. Eating anything high in calories even if it fits my calories makes me feel like I need to punish myself. Then I lose more weight. My bmi is 17.4 now. I’m seriously scared for myself- but at the same time i’m scared of gaining weight. I need serious advice on how to be normal again. I’ll take any advice- thank you.

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Calorie Est. Plssss? (Avocado + Pinto? Beans + Chicken + Bacon Bits on a bed of Spinach and/or Mixed Greens)
/u/TygarRawrs [5' 5.5" | CW: 105 lbs | GW: 100 lbs]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:52:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zogsd/calorie_est_plssss_avocado_pinto_beans_chicken/
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https://i.redd.it/kijefmv7cka11.jpg

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Husbands surprise day off
/u/Zongirl27
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:50:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zog44/husbands_surprise_day_off/
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Husbeast was off from work today and it completely messed up my lowest planned day this week.

I had a rice cake for breakfast with a giant Coke no sugar , that was supposed to be it. Someone gave me cookies and I ate 2 and thought it would be fine because I was still under 500.

*All was not fine*

At some point today he was looking at my phone for some reason and looked through my lose it app. And was pretty upset about my intake for the last few weeks. He got us Publix subs for lunch and watched as I ate half. Now I'm way over where I wanted to be. I'm not happy right now

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Anyone have any good ED poetry book recommendations?
/u/sadgab_ [5'8.5 | CW:121| GW: 118 | 19F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:45:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoegh/anyone_have_any_good_ed_poetry_book/
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I really like poetry but am looking for some that are more relatable about the struggles of eating disorders. If anyone has any recommendations I'd love to hear them!

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Can someone tell me it's not stupid to spend $40 on erythritol
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:37:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoc37/can_someone_tell_me_its_not_stupid_to_spend_40_on/
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please

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“Long-lasting” foods/meals?
/u/ssetppoint
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:36:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zobsq/longlasting_foodsmeals/
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i was just eating a 120g japanese sweet potato (white inside, ~110 cal) and it took me quite a while, like over 20 mins because it’s a dry texture. it was really satisfying though, and i was wondering what foods you eat that “last long” & also taste good? i’m also partial to a raw peeled carrot to nibble on or a big bowl of soup to fill me up with water!

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[Goal] Popcorn Mono
/u/sad_diner
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:34:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoay4/popcorn_mono/
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This weekend was a food heavy three day wedding. My eating is waaaaay off track and I crave control so...

Air popped popcorn mono starting tomorrow morning.

Rules:

Air popped only
Nooch and powdered kelp topped only
Three days at least
All I can stand
No eating after 7pm
Diet drinks, tea and coffee allowed

The popcorn mono is how I've reset myself for years. Ultimate comfort mono. Feel free to join. :-)

What's your favourite mono?

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[Tip] Salt in coffee
/u/kpatable [5'9.5" | 134 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:32:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zoaah/salt_in_coffee/
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So I know this sounds crazy, but hear me out. I read this article a while ago that suggested putting a tiny pinch of salt in your cup of coffee, and today I tried it - Omg it really does make it better! It's a bit hard to balance because the coffee needs to be significantly sweeter than salty, but once I got the right balance, the coffee tasted, like, fuller and richer O.o It's weird! Like, for those of you who drink beer (or kombucha), ya know how beer tastes more filling? Well the salt helps coffee do that! It just makes it more satisfying. It takes very little salt, btw. You want to barely be able to taste it. But I guess it does require experimentation. Btw, I drink my coffee with aspartame and half&half or whole milk (I'm a proponent of healthy fats).

But yeah, since I know most of us drink coffee a lot, I thought I'd share! \^-^ I hope some of you find this helpful!

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[Tip] Salt in coffer
/u/kpatable [5'9.5" | 134 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:31:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zo9xy/salt_in_coffer/
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So I know this sounds crazy, but hear me out. I read this article a while ago that suggested putting a tiny pinch of salt in your cup of coffee, and today I tried it - Omg it really does make it better! It's a bit hard to balance because the coffee needs to be significantly sweeter than salty, but once I got the right balance, the coffee tasted, like, fuller and richer O.o It's weird! Like, for those of you who drink beer (or kombucha), ya know how beer tastes more filling? Well the salt helps coffee do that! It just makes it more satisfying. It takes very little salt, btw. You want to barely be able to taste it. But I guess it does require experimentation. Btw, I drink my coffee with aspartame and half&half or whole milk (I'm a proponent of healthy fats).

But yeah, since I know most of us drink coffee a lot, I thought I'd share! \^-^ I hope some of you find this helpful!

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so apparently i'm 3cm shorter than i was told
/u/mostlyoff [178cm | 49.6kg | 16.2 | 16F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:29:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zo9hv/so_apparently_im_3cm_shorter_than_i_was_told/
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and it seems like something small but it's made a huge difference, now apparently my bmi is 16.2 instead of 15.7! i feel like i've been living a lie for the last year, i just can't believe this has happened. came at the worst possible moment, too. hadn't eaten today so i decided i might do myself some veggies for dinner, but then my dad comes into the kitchen asking to measure me for a form he has to fill up. whips out the tape and reads off 175cm instead of 178cm like i'm so used to hearing. checked my phone to see what difference it would make and decided it wasn't really worth having dinner. ahhhh why did this have to happen?!

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What the fuck, France?!
/u/titiparisienne
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:16:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zo554/what_the_fuck_france/
---
I am beyond *done* with French food culture. French people act like turning down bread, wine, and cheese is fucking treason, and they're *constantly* forcing food on me.

Food in southern France is so incredibly *heavy.* It's just all potatoes, cheese, bread, and So. Much. Oil. I can get by cooking for myself, but we're an ocean away from any holy grail foods like Halo Top and sugar-free jello.

Dinner today was pasta, and I tried to serve myself mostly meat and veggies. The host saw that I was "having some trouble" with the serving utensil, so she just reached over and dumped a goddamn MOUNTAIN of filthy, greasy *worms* onto my plate. I'm so fucking shaken up right now.

I so rarely get to serve myself, I'm always *forced* to clean my plate, and *heavily* pushed to take seconds. And an appetizer. And dessert. Nobody hesitates a bit to call me emaciated, a twig, barely there...

I was already teetering on the edge of a relapse, and I know that fucking *slimy heap of tapeworms* is going to do me in. French girls don't get fat, right?

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DAE have a jealous mom who hinders their weight loss?
/u/lovelifeat
Created: Tue Jul 17 13:12:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zo42e/dae_have_a_jealous_mom_who_hinders_their_weight/
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Im pissed im trying to lose weight healthy by cutting out dairy and not snacking. Thats fycking it nothing extreme. And it pisses my mom off so much shes like how can you eat oats with water how can you not eat milk etc etc. My 12 year old brother has a bmi of 15 and shes not pissed off on his habits. Its like shes behind me to get me fat. Btw shes overweight and doesnt do shit about it. I feel shes jealous of my self control and btw i dont want to be too skinny. A bmi of 18.5 is my goal and currently my bmi is 21. Anyways im just pissed offff. Hopefully on my trip to my motherland ill lose fucking weight due to diarrhea.

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[Discussion] What do you think is the source of your ED?
/u/gatechnightman [5'8" | CW: 130 | GW: 110 | UGW: 100 | Female]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:57:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znyz6/what_do_you_think_is_the_source_of_your_ed/
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After being in therapy for years, I’m finally starting to see why I’m anorexic. Both of my parents (and the majority of my entire family) are either EXTREMELY overweight or straight up obese. My parents always fed me a lot as a child, so when I was 12 and got to middle school, I realized how skinny all of my classmates are. And that’s how it started... skipping a few meals, counting calories, eating less than my allowed calories, skipping more meals...

I also use it as a coping mechanism when I can’t self-harm.

What do you think the source of your ED is?

(I’m just curious, some people don’t know the source of their ED yet)

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Does anybody else feel consistently nauseous when they restrict even a little?
/u/apricaught [5'3"| CW 129 | GW1 113 | 22F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:51:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znwuv/does_anybody_else_feel_consistently_nauseous_when/
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I think it might be acid reflux which is just so shitty since I thought I'd have less of that if I lost weight. Tums don't really help. Also I'm like constantly dehydrated because god forbid my stomach puff up from drinking water. I don't count anymore thanks to treatment but I know I'm definitely eating over 1200.

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[Discussion] Anyone else notice their joints cracking more often?
/u/racheneko
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:50:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znwgo/anyone_else_notice_their_joints_cracking_more/
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One of the side effects of restricting I've noticed is that my knees and ankles and every other joint crack much more often when I move. Anyone else?

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[Intro] Intro to my life
/u/Discopepsi
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:36:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znru1/intro_to_my_life/
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I’ve been lurking here for a while and thought I’d actually, you know... actually interact socially with some people for once. I’ll try to cut it a bit short since it’d be way too long otherwise.

So basically, when I was 11 years old I weighed myself after a vacation with my family. I thought I weighed way too much, and my peers would tell me so as well. I’d always been chubby and didn’t really care about it, until that moment. So I downloaded this calorie counting app on my new smartphone, which by the way is the same app that I use today, and set a goal of 1200 calories a day. I didn’t really understand how to count correctly, so I just used the meals that were already in the app, like one serving of chicken etc. I would also eat these weight loss bars that my mom (yeah) would buy for me as a snack I guess. They were easier to count, I still remember that one of those contained 200 calories. So for some reason I started bringing one of those to school everyday and ate one of those instead of the school lunch. This is also the same time as my social phobia started, so I’d just stay in the classroom when everyone else went to the cafeteria and eat my bar alone. Not that I had any friends anyway, people didn’t even notice that I stayed behind. I didn’t really lose much weight at this point, maybe only 3 kilos but people probably thought that I was just growing up and losing my baby chub, finally.

Fast forward 3 years, I changed schools to a bigger one. I noticed immediately that I didn’t fit in. I was fat, I didn’t wear makeup, I didn’t have any friends. And 13 year old me felt so pathetic, I hated myself. So I decided to change. I found the pro ana community on tumblr and even though I never participated in it, I read a lot and found all of these small tricks like chewing gum to curb hunger and punishing myself when I ate too much. I basically lived on dried apricots during this time, lol, I had no knowledge about nutrition or anything and just knew that they were about 20 calories for one piece or something. I lost like 15 kg. I had gotten some friends and felt pretty.

One traumatic experience with a guy, a fucking nobody really, at my school at this time left me broken. I stopped going to classes, stopped going outside, failed school. I wanted to die. I developed mental disorders, became paranoid and had a psychosis for a period of time. I became agoraphobic. I was so fucking stressed out about everything and started eating again. Or binging. I’d always tell myself that tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll restrict. But I never did, and gained like 20 fucking kilos. I didn’t see a future in my little town, so together with one parent I moved far away and broke contact with everyone from my past.

I still struggled in my new town, and I still had all of my mental problems. I started a bunch of medications after basically being forced by my parents. Started at a new school, failed one year, tried again, barely passed. Going from someone who always was talented at school to barely passing really fucked me up. I felt so stupid and suicidal, and had no friends once again. I was fat again too. Fuck. Finished school, went back to sitting at home on my ass everyday again. Didn’t lose any weight, never saw a purpose even trying. I was ruined anyway. This went on for a few years. No life, no anything.

Started from the bottom now we here, still at the fucking bottom. Still almost at the weight that my 11 year old self thought was so disgusting. But this time with bigger tits of course, not that I really care though. I need to lose this weight, I feel like a prisoner in my own body. I need to be skinny again, no matter what. So even after all these years and everything I’ve been through, I’m still as messed up in the head as I was from the beginning. However, this time I’ll make it last and not ruing everything like last time.

This got pretty long anyway, lol. Just thought I’d get this off my chest. Thanks to whoever read all of this.

---

Making ur lunch like
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:35:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znrs2/making_ur_lunch_like/
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https://v.redd.it/n1qxm1liyja11

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[Discussion] DAE use hot sauce to their advantage?
/u/amberinthewoods [5'2.5" | 121.4 lbs | 30F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:23:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znnt2/dae_use_hot_sauce_to_their_advantage/
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Lately, the only way I can keep from eating too quickly (and, ultimately, too much) is by covering everything with Sriracha so that my mouth burns and I have to take breaks between bites for water or diet pop. Anyone else do this? My heartburn is through the roof but it's the only thing that stops be from being a fucking garbage disposal.

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Here I Go ...Again.
/u/Themermaidmomma
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:23:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znns9/here_i_go_again/
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Ive recently been stuck in this damn binge cycle. Lat night i was sick with a stomach bug so im just using that to jumpstart an all liquid diet. Broths, Coffee with splenda and water.I'm going to try to keep it up until at least Thursday :-) wish me luck. CW: 175.5

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[Rant/Rave] fasting complaints
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 putridaffection]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:20:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znmo5/fasting_complaints/
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i’m 64 hours into a fast of indeterminate length and it’s not the hunger that’s bothering me, it’s the dizziness and weakness. whenever i stand up my body is like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING and i feel like i’m about to fall over. i added two(!) tbsp of silk vanilla soy creamer to my tea so maybe that will help. i’m just worried about dropping one of my kids tbh

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Obsessed with being someone else
/u/l0rab0ra
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:13:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znke6/obsessed_with_being_someone_else/
---
[removed]

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[Rant/Rave] I'm disgusted with myself
/u/obama_means_family [Height 5'7" | CW 145.2 | BMI 22.7 | HW 190 | GW 117 ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:13:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znkal/im_disgusted_with_myself/
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So my niece and nephews asked for noodles for lunch today. I wasn't gonna eat them (fuck noodles man, not worth it imo) but I try to eat around them so they don't question it -"you made breakfast and lunch but didn't eat with us?" I filled up a small plate and put a little cheese on them and finished it and then decided nope, not worth it, can't keep that in my body, and went to the bathroom to purge. The kids were still eating in the kitchen so I thought it would be okay since that's what I would normally do. I guess my nephew wanted to go to the bathroom tho bc he apparently watched me from the crack in the door and then told his sister :(

I live with my sister (if ya hadn't picked it up from all the family talk) and she CAN'T find out. She was bulimic in her teen years but is recovered now and it would kill her to find out. And if she did there's no way I could talk to her about it bc her body from back then is my goals. I'm actually mad at myself for getting rid of hand me downs of hers in the past bc I thought it would never fit me but if I'd kept it I'd have goal clothes to base it off of rather than just my undoubtedly warped memory.

On the other end of the spectrum I've been completely unable to fast for the last month and a half. I'll go 16 or 20 hours without eating sometimes but I don't count it unless I didn't eat for a full calendar day. I started birth control again but I really want to quit it bc I'm bloated and gained back the last 15ish lbs I lost. I wanted to be another 5-10 down when I move (next Wednesday) and now I'm 20 over :( just fuck me I guess

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[Rant/Rave] GAH
/u/mainechick [5'4'' | CW 131 lb | GW 122 | UGW 107]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:12:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znk0l/gah/
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Sorry for the uncreative title - it's mildly cathartic. Anyway.

Yesterday I was feeling great. Objectively, I'm fairly accomplished for my age and have worked really hard for a long time for that to be true. Yesterday, I was totally feeling it. Today I feel like a failure.

This morning, I stepped on the scale for the first time in a month and saw that I had gained 10 lbs which is RIDICULOUS like that took me so long to lose and now it's all back. Then in my class this morning I realized that I had left the problem set that was due at home so that's a big fat zero in the gradebook. In the same class, I got back an exam that I thought I had done well on and it turns out I got a C, and I know the math says if I work my ass off I can still get a good grade in the course but it's so discouraging and I just feel terrified of trying really hard and not being able to do any better despite my efforts. Later I got home and the woman who is letting me stay in her apartment this summer in exchange for lawn work (which I should feel grateful for but instead I just feel guilty) told me today that I haven't been doing very well weeding and that I need to put in way more effort with it, which just makes me feel so unbelievably shitty. Finally, my freaking home university had me on financial hold so I couldn't select courses and the deadline to do so was yesterday, BUT TODAY they told me that that was their fault and they had just never gotten around to clearing me to select even though I'm financially caught up, so now I have to try my luck during the add-drop period in the fall and it's not even my fault. I just feel like such a failure and what makes it worse is that I KNOW I shouldn't, but I still do. I wish I could manage to just not react poorly when I feel judged or like someone thinks I'm less than impressive, but instead it just makes me want to get high instead of doing my real work so I don't have to feel worried, which then just gives me the munchies without the anxiety to fight them. Having the urge to give up at all just makes me feel even worse, like I'm even more of a failure because on top of actually doing poorly in life, I can't get over myself and just handle things like a normal human.


Maybe I'm just shouting into the void, but thanks for listening/reading or just giving me a space to vent.

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[Other] Got called out yesterday.
/u/lyhndzie [5'5"|HW: 170|CW: eww|UGW: 98| F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:11:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znjov/got_called_out_yesterday/
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So I was sitting in my living room yesterday with my husband, and my sister-in-law was in the attached kitchen, putting groceries away. She looks into the living room and talks to me and my husband, J.

“J, please help me eat the turkey lunch meat in the fridge. I don’t want it to go bad. I know Lyhndzie won’t eat it though, I never see you eat.” I told her I do eat, in fact I had just binged on Taco Bell. “No, I never see you eat. I think you’re anorexic.”

🙃🙃🙃

---

I’ve been awake for 24 hours :(
/u/fweakybby
Created: Tue Jul 17 12:10:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znji3/ive_been_awake_for_24_hours/
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I have bipolar. My doctor insisted on putting me on a new medication for it which I’ve fought because I don’t want anything that’ll make me gain weight. I finally agreed because I quit my job in a manic episode. He told me I wouldn’t need my current sleeping medicine because this one will knock me out. So he didn’t refill my sleep med. But they haven’t filled it..the pharmacy has sent the prior authorization form over 3 times and I called my doctors office crying like what the fuck am I supposed to do and she said “sometimes our fax machine doesn’t get stuff”. 3 times???? Regardless...this is my life..like I’m so triggered now lack of sleep makes my mood go either way up or way down and it’s way down. The worst part is I kept eating all night. I tried to do small snacks but I kept going back every hour or two and getting another. I’m so bloated now, I’m crying because I haven’t slept and I still have no idea if this medication will be filled.
I’m so fucking sad and all I want to do is stuff my face but every time I eat I can’t stop hearing how bad it is that I’m eating in my head. I have better control of my restriction when I’m on my sleep schedule because I normally wake up at 9am, have a 3 hour interval to eat after 3pm, then no food after 6. Since I haven’t been sleeping right I’ve been awake at night (my hardest time not to binge) so I’m just fucked up right now. I want to smoke pot to chill out but it’ll make me hungry :(

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calories online vs on the can?
/u/12416- [5'5.5 | CW 132 | GW 112 ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 11:58:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znf7w/calories_online_vs_on_the_can/
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If “creamy tomato with basil” soup from progresso (the reduced sodium kind) says 110 calories per serving on the can, but 130 calories per serving online, what do I count?

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[Discussion] DAE ever feel like they “choose” this, that they could eat normally?
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -6 | 21F ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 11:51:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8znd1e/dae_ever_feel_like_they_choose_this_that_they/
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I know it’s just my disordered brain given that I haven’t eaten more than 1000 calories a day for weeks, but I’m visiting my BF soon and I’m like, “yeah I’m gonna have to eat like everything is fine and eat 1200 at least a day and I can do that.” But yesterday I planned for 878 calories and didn’t even eat everything I planned because I was too full and felt like I was going to puke. So I know it’s just my disordered brain saying “you don’t *really* have a problem, cause you can snap out of it whenever you want” when I know that’s not true and the way I eat isn’t normal. Like an alcoholic that’s in denial and when confronted is like “of course I’m not an alcoholic I binge drink everyday alone cause I want to.” Idk it makes me feel guilty for saying I have an ED and stuff cause I don’t really *feel* like I have one most of the time, even though I can’t even make myself eat 1000 calories.

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[Rant/Rave] my recruiter called today...
/u/painxiety [5'5" | 116.5 | 23 F ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 11:28:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zn5ku/my_recruiter_called_today/
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ive been working with a navy recruiter for 2 months now to join as an officer. its a long complicated process, but he sounds so hopeful that i will get in. i cant drop below 114 but i feel hopelessly huge and thats only 2.5 pounds away.

ive managed to get in breakfast and lunch today for the first time in weeks. but i feel trapped. i want this career but i also want to find someone and fall in live again and everyone is gonna be way too intimidated by me as a naval officer and a beefy gross sack of lard.

i went to MEPS a month and a half ago and made weight without any problems but i dont know when i'll have to go back. i could always drop weight and try like hell to make weight when i eventually go back?

i have too many things happening at once and i think im gonna lose it.

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[Other] I THINK MY BOYFRIEND IS TRYING TO ED ONE UP ME
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Tue Jul 17 11:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zn2w4/i_think_my_boyfriend_is_trying_to_ed_one_up_me/
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I'm 5' and 134lbs

Hes 6'2 and probably 170lbs at most

He knows i have problems but doesnt fully grasp things.

Im 75% he holds out on eating and gets all of his calories from beer just because he knows i struggle with eating/weight

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[Other] Unbelievably excited right now.
/u/lawsoflife [5'5'' | CW: 188 GW: 110 | -23 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 11:13:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zn0iy/unbelievably_excited_right_now/
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https://i.redd.it/u471njpwjja11.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE pick apart their food to make it seem like more?
/u/Flyingpapers [5'1 | CW:130 | BMI: 24.5 | SW:145 | 20 F ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 11:00:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmwcm/dae_pick_apart_their_food_to_make_it_seem_like/
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I’ve been doing this since before i even had a diagnosed ED, with burgers and sandwiches I always take them apart so it seems like more food, even with food like chicken nuggets i’ll eat the batter and then the chicken, my family have always found it strange and I just found myself doing it again so i just wanted to know if anyone else does it as well?

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I have a consultation with a new therapist tomorrow. Not sure what to do.
/u/physics_chick [5'8" | GW: 118 | CW: yikes | -30 lb | 20F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:52:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmtpy/i_have_a_consultation_with_a_new_therapist/
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I just moved back to the city to continue with college and I have my first meeting/consultation with a new therapist Thursday morning. I have to fill out the intake sheet about what symptoms I have before I go. I’m going to mainly for treatment for my depression and anxiety but there are questions about disordered eating too. I don’t want to lie about what’s happening but I don’t know if I actually want to talk about this with anyone yet either. I’m not underweight. I fast and restrict and binge/purge pretty regularly and I EC stack to suppress my appetite. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything and I just don’t know if anything I’m doing is actually severe enough to need treatment. I feel like they’ll probably think I’m just being dramatic. Has anyone had similar experiences?

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Rant - Created an account just to vent and babble
/u/DontNeedASandwich
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:36:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmot5/rant_created_an_account_just_to_vent_and_babble/
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I don't know what to do anymore, no matter what I try, I can't get my life turned around! I broke up with my boyfriend last month due to a variety of issues, including trust issues with him. He needs to grow a spine. However, he still doesn't really leave me alone. He was overall a good guy, but would make comments about my ED and snoop... He tried to be supportive but didn't know how to handle it.

Now that it's over, I am almost at GW, and am liking my job, but I still feel guilty about what I did to him even though it was best for me. But He doesn't want to let go! He's like a lost fucking puppy. At this point I want to be completely free of him but I don't want to destroy his fragile psyche. He needs to move on but can't(which admittedly stokes my latent narcissism a bit lol), I almost feel like hooking him up with someone just to make him let go!

Sorry, I know this is mostly off topic, but I have seen how supportive you can all be. Any advice on what to do? I am afraid that if I keep stressing out about this I am going to stop maintaining and hospitalized myself again...

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[Other] sending love to you all
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:33:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmnl1/sending_love_to_you_all/
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im having a rough time so i just thought id try and spread some positivity instead. i love this community so much; it feels like home. i love you all. you are all so full of worth. eds suck and none of you deserve to have them and i hope we all get better soon. but for now, know you're all lovely the way you are and id hug any of you if i could n you wanted to♡

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Does anyone else get irritated by the stigmas surrounding ED?
/u/noneofyournonsense
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:18:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmj5x/does_anyone_else_get_irritated_by_the_stigmas/
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There are a lot of stigmas and assumptions surrounding ED, mental health, and addiction. One of the ones that bother me the most is that you don't have a problem as long as it's not obviously impacting your life of health. As long as it's kept behind closed doors, it's not really a problem. As long as you don't look like you're anorexic, it's not a problem that you skip meals or are losing weight at an unhealthy rate. As long as your depression/anxiety aren't obviously debilitating, you'll get over it. As long as drinking/drug use isn't impacting your daily life, it's totally fine to be a functional alcoholic/addict.


Is it because people don't want to see it or deal with it? Is it that it makes people uncomfortable? I don't understand why coming out and discussing these things or asking for help is looked down upon.


We all have issues, some of us just hide them better than others and secrets keep us sick.

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healthy weight loss
/u/smallest_madeline [F 5'1" | CW idk | HW 125 | LW 80| GW 70 🍑 smallest_madeline]
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:12:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmh7v/healthy_weight_loss/
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I posted about this on my peach but I am so impressed with people who lose weight in non-disordered ways.

I don't care if it's weight watchers, keto, IF, fasting, CICO, paleo, whole 30, etc. It's just so impressive that they are disciplined enough to be consistent enough to lose weight.

I am in a facebook group for a eating challenge and so many girls have lost between 5-15lbs in the 8 weeks since the challenge has started. I have literally stayed the same (slash gained weight).

They are eating well-balanced healthy meals. They are not purging, bingeing, purging, fasting, working out for 3+ hours, hating themselves, hating life. They have good days and they have bad days but not enough to ruin their progress. I'm just in awe. I could do that too... but lol I'm not going to.

It actually makes me hopeful that when I get to goal weight I can truly maintain it and not feel deprived.

Anyone else motivated and inspired and happy for people who lose weight in non-disordered ways?

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I am so glad I came across this sub today.
/u/traashpanda
Created: Tue Jul 17 10:08:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmfoa/i_am_so_glad_i_came_across_this_sub_today/
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Today I came across this sub by chance and I am so glad I did. I have just spent some time reading through the top posts and everyone is so warm and supportive and friendly.

I don’t really have anyone to talk to in my real life about my ED and it can feel very lonely.

After reading through some posts on here I got that same kind of feeling you got in school when you would find out your friend hadn’t started their essay yet either. Relief in camaraderie I guess?

But anyway, I just wanted to say hi and I can’t wait to become a part of this supportive community. <3

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[Discussion] anyone else obsessed with window shopping food online?
/u/lowkcal [163 cm | CW: 59 kg | GW: 50 kg | UGW: 47 kg | ♀]
Created: Tue Jul 17 09:53:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zmazq/anyone_else_obsessed_with_window_shopping_food/
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I discovered last summer that you can shop for groceries online, ever since then I've been obsessed with window shopping. it's like a game to me! I give myself challenges (only vegan food, only low calorie food, meal planning for the week etc), or I just browse and look at whats available. and I do this multiple times a day, it's just so fun??? I've discovered so many new food items this way and sometimes I go out and by them irl.
anyone else????

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My coworker called me fat
/u/sommefeils [5'2 F | SW: 120lb | CW: 107lb | UGW: 100lb]
Created: Tue Jul 17 09:26:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zm2mv/my_coworker_called_me_fat/
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Actually he pointed at a picture from a social event earlier this year and said that I was fatter in that photo and my face was [insert hand motion for bloated].

I'm 5'2 and 110lb atm. In the picture I'm no more than 120lb.

I'm not like DEVASTATED by this comment. We're friends and we joke around a lot, but I was irked that he said this a few times out loud and no one said anything in my defense.

I know it's because I'm technically not fat that it's considered 'okay' for him to say that, but people have called me skinny or told me I need to eat more at the office. I am so sick of the double standard. Because I'm younger and I don't have THE professional office worker demeanor, people think it's okay to comment on my body or monitor my eating habits.

I almost never hear anyone else talking about how skinny or fat someone is, unless they're talking about themselves or general health/diet tips. And most definitely NOT to that person's face.

I told him that it was rude and he couldn't say that to girls (or really anyone for that matter), but he didn't take me seriously.

I might still be bulimic, but I'm 25 now so fuck you on behalf of Younger Me who would have been much more hurt and vulnerable to such comments and on behalf of all people who quietly suffer from eating disorders and intrusive, unwanted comments.

---

MFP prediction alternative
/u/Beyanka2011
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:59:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlu56/mfp_prediction_alternative/
---
I’m sure we all know and love My Fitness Pal. And more importantly, weight prediction after you complete your diary. I cannot express to you guys how much I love that thing.

While it’s honestly super fueling to see that “you’re not eating enough” warning, I neeeeeed to know my weight prediction whether I eat 200 calories, or 20,000.

Does anyone have an alternative that takes any calorie amount into consideration?

---

Ok well I've been caught
/u/guavvva [5'0 | 95 | babymilf 🍑]
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:44:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlpvu/ok_well_ive_been_caught/
---
My guy knows my main account so I had to delete all my old posts and make a sPeCiAl account just for here and like, other shit I don't necessarily want him to read.

I feel so violated tho I didn't realize that reddit (especially r/proED) was basically my journal whoops

---

Recovery and Constipation...
/u/bemybaegel
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:44:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlpqs/recovery_and_constipation/
---
So, I've decided it's time to recover. I've been eating about 1800-2000 for the past few days and I'm.. Well, constipated as fuck. I have like 3 or 4 BMs a day, but they're all those dense, rabbit nugget kinds, and fuck, it hurts. I'm pretty sure I'm drinking enough water (pee is v light) and eating enough fiber (salads, veggies, all fun stuff) and I'm very frustrated. I've tried exercise. Coffee. Massage. Everything I can think of, honestly. I do have a history of infrequent (like 1-2 times a month, max) lax abuse, but I'm not sure that would cause this. Any advice?

---

[Other] My dream
/u/PM-ME-CORGIS
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:29:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zllix/my_dream/
---
https://i.redd.it/2mrsk2loqia11.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] An eating disorder recovery ad popped up on my Messenger...
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:20:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlisi/an_eating_disorder_recovery_ad_popped_up_on_my/
---
I’m partially irritated about it, but mostly nervous. I think my worst nightmare is my dad finding out about my ED and forcing me to eat/forcing me to get into a recovery program.

---

[Other] One meal a day
/u/Happy_Holly87
Created: Tue Jul 17 08:04:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zle5f/one_meal_a_day/
---
Last year I fasted from 9pm till 5pm the following day, between 5 and 9 I allowed myself one mean and one snack. 800 calories tops. I lasted doing this around 3 weeks before I fell of the wagon, it was satisfying because it felt like a binge if that makes sense. today it’s 15.01 and I haven’t eaten yet and I’m obsessing about doing this again but maybe eating more calories, I dunno.

Anyone else done this? I’ve seen people mention online they do similar but squeeze in like 1500 calories into a few hours.

---

Me if I was ever in the news
/u/r1cecream- [5'10 | CW: 145 |BMI: 20.8 | WL: 70 | 23M]
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:52:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlauk/me_if_i_was_ever_in_the_news/
---
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/08/twinkie.diet.professor/index.html

---

[Discussion] If you had one day where calories and money weren't going to cause any issues, what would you eat?
/u/AmmoniaBologna
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:50:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zlabl/if_you_had_one_day_where_calories_and_money/
---
[As in, calories wont cause weight gain and money wont be coming out of your own pocket]
I personally would spend the day drowning in cheesy, buttery pasta as well as hummus on toast. Welp.

---

My unexpected purge
/u/pulotpukyutan
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:50:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zla7h/my_unexpected_purge/
---
I already managed to shed 20lbs but nobody seems to notice that and so yesterday I planned to cook the salmon that I just recently bought from the grocery and it was relatively cheap but I wasn’t aware that it still has bones in it. And much to my dismay I ended up choking from the very tiny bone from the fish, even if I was very careful separating the bone from the meat. I was panicking because my throat hurts so bad. There wasn’t any bread so I decided to go with water to flush it all out but it was still there. So I ended up inserting my finger down my throat and I ended up vomiting blood and I saw the bits of the fish bone. My throat still hurts at the moment, but i’m afraid to have it checked to a doctor, because of the dumb reason why my throat bled. Just because I wasn’t careful enough, I guess I’ll just resort back to intermittent fasting limited to 400cal.

---

Longtime lurker, first post. I'm insecure about people's comments on my weight.
/u/Qtpaw
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:29:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zl4ij/longtime_lurker_first_post_im_insecure_about/
---
I recently had a baby and lost all of the baby weight, and more. I'm looking to get to 100 and I'm 115 right now... But everyone I know comments on how thin I've gotten. It makes me insecure because I don't feel thin AT ALL, I feel and look flabby still to me. They will comment it on Facebook even, for everyone to see. I hate it. Is this normal? Why is it socially acceptable to talk about someones weight?

---

[Discussion] DAE feel uncomfortable when people mention their loss?
/u/TossThisBizz
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:26:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zl3xr/dae_feel_uncomfortable_when_people_mention_their/
---
I’m sure it’s not just me, but I get so uncomfortable when people mention how much I’ve lost or basically anything about my weight

Like it feels good on one hand to hear “you’ve gotten so skinny!” Like, it feels really good. There’s such a sense of satisfaction that I’ve lost enough weight for it to actually be noticeable to other people (cuz it sure as hell doesn’t look noticeable to me) But I just don’t know how to respond to that. I just feel really squirmy and uncomfortable and my go to response is usually an awkward “thanks, I try”

I think it’s also a feeling of knowing that these people have recognised the weight loss and they’re probably 100% aware of how big I was before and it makes me, I guess embarrassed?

Anyone else like this?

---

First ever 24 hour fast
/u/its_freaking_bats [5'7" | CW 128 | BM 20 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:26:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zl3rs/first_ever_24_hour_fast/
---
I had a huge unplanned binge last night and I am feeling physically awful today. I have had 3 binges this month, 2 of which were unplanned. I usually only allow myself 1 a month but I recently moved to an area with a lot of really delicious and tempting food spots and I have been having a hard time staying in track. So last night as I was sitting on my floor consuming my 3rd sausage McMuffin and 80th donut like some sort of alley rat, I decided to go for a 24 hour fast right after. I know this isn’t a lot for some of you because you have gone longer periods of time without eating, but even though I do heavy restriction, I always eat at some point during the day. This is going to be difficult for me because I work at a food establishment with a lot of temptation, but I am already 11 hours in and I am feeling positive. I guess I am making this post so that it is easier for me to stay accountable and not give into weakness.

I really love this sub for all of the support and love that comes from the community ❤️

---

[Other] “The only way out is through”
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Tue Jul 17 07:02:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkxkl/the_only_way_out_is_through/
---
The same friend who told me I am going to die also said this. It’s kind of stuck.

---

[Other] Just happened
/u/Myrrsha
Created: Tue Jul 17 06:54:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkvds/just_happened/
---
My fiance: you can't live off of green tea and rice

Me: watch me

---

Dammit I just want to enjoy some toast
/u/MiseryMcGee
Created: Tue Jul 17 06:19:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkn0e/dammit_i_just_want_to_enjoy_some_toast/
---
So I have been torturing myself with the thought of some buttery toast slathered in marmite (don't judge me).

It is all I have been able to think about for over a week. I kept denying myself because calories and panic. On some of those days I binged anyway. But, despite giving into the binges, for some reason my ed brain refused to let me have the toast. I couldn't make it. I couldn't comprehend eating it. I was filled with horror at the thought. Those 2000+ calories I just splurged on are fine but one 200 calorie tiny piece of toast is what will make me gain.

Even when I didn't eat for two days I couldn't eat the fucking toast!!!!

But today I decided to be nice to myself. I want a bit of self care. So I went to the kitchen. I put the bread under the grill. I got my favourite plate. I took the marmite out of the cupboard and inhaled the scent like an addict. Hell, I even got out one of the nice knives. Then I lifted the lid of the butter dish.

My soul fell out through my feet.

My boyfriend had the last of the butter.

I calmly turned off the grill. I picked up the toast. And I threw it at the wall.

After crying on the floor for several minutes, I'm still not sure if I have overreacted.

---

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday July 17, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jul 17 06:09:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkknw/thinspo_tuesday_july_17_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.

*****

Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 17, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jul 17 06:09:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkkn2/daily_food_diary_july_17_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 17, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Rant/Rave] A Friently Reminder
/u/Death_by_Hedgehog
Created: Tue Jul 17 06:09:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zkklh/a_friently_reminder/
---
Friendly reminder not to freak out about sudden weight gains. I ate ~1000 for 2 days, assumed I'd be up a pound or two, was up nearly 8. Flipped my shit. Turns out I was getting the stomach flu and <24 hrs later back to my usual LW.

Life pro tip: Bodies are weird.

---

Brain Over Binge
/u/hollowdeer
Created: Tue Jul 17 05:16:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zk920/brain_over_binge/
---
I picked this up because I heard rave reviews and was like, fuck it, sure.

Then she gets to how she overcame the urge to binge and...apparently the cure to binging is to just *not* binge!! Just don't do it you weak-willed bitch!

Has anyone else read this book and is there a point to finishing it? Because 'just don't do it' feels like a goddamn waste of the ten bucks it cost.

---

Anyone got gastritis from their ED?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Tue Jul 17 05:07:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zk794/anyone_got_gastritis_from_their_ed/
---
From fasting/binging, I have developed pretty bad stomach acid/reflux/gastritis/gastroparesis.
The worst offenders to me are caffeine, chocolate, sodas, YET I'm still drinking diet coke/diet energy drinks althought my stomach hurts every time after that because they numb any appetite and I believe that the caffeine helps in weight loss. Gosh, I'm ruining my health like that and I know it, but still can't stop :(

---

laxative abuse hell
/u/outofmana_ [5'6"/108.2/17.53/F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 04:01:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zju7s/laxative_abuse_hell/
---
took some dulcolax (upped dosage to 3), for the third time in 3 weeks, after having gone off of them for like half a year : ( i was even starting to go more regularly, especially after maintaining recovery for almost 2 months this past april. i just hate this. there are people that don’t do this to themselves, and i wish i could just be one of them. physically, i feel miserable. and emotionally, i’m a failure. my ed doesn’t even serve a purpose ... it’s just... erratic eating that doesn’t really make me gain or lose, i’m just unhealthy and unhappy, and abusing food as an emotional tool, like i have abused everything else. i just want things to be okay again.

---

[Discussion] DAE...
/u/StrangeristThings
Created: Tue Jul 17 03:31:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zjorw/dae/
---
Eat an entire pint of ice cream one spoon at a time? At the beginning my plan is always to consume only one spoon but it never fucking works like that. I’ll go back to the freezer 30 times over the course of several hours and eventually finish the pint but with absolutely no satisfaction...

At least it’s Halo Top? FML

---

Turning 25, marking an entire decade of suffering with an ED.
/u/altruisticshawty [5'9" | CW: 117 | GW: 110]
Created: Tue Jul 17 02:36:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zjf7u/turning_25_marking_an_entire_decade_of_suffering/
---
First off, I wanted to extend a huge thank you to everyone in this community for being incredibly supportive and relatable. I haven’t found another place on the internet where so many people can talk about habits that are seen as shameful to us in a normal way. It’s incredibly therapeutic and comforting, although I don’t enjoy that all of you suffer with this as well.

My ED started when I was 15, when my parents were going through a nasty divorce. I had a boyfriend at the time who was on the wrestling team, super fit and attractive. I’m 5’9” and was around 138-140lb at the time. He casually made a comment one day that he’d love it if I were super thin, because he’s into skinny girls.

Up until this point I was fairly secure in my weight. I always wished I could eat like my tiny friends and not gain weight, but overall I didn’t have a crisis over it. The mixture of my parents scream-fighting, the stress of their divorce and feeling rejected by this boy triggered something within me and I began losing weight. I’d eat an apple and a few bowls of Rice Krispies with skim milk and run a few miles every day. I dropped down to 120lb, started getting tons of compliments and won the approval of my bf. My mom even congratulated me and asked for tips. I was on top of the world.

I didn’t realize I was unable to stop until I reached 114lb and started feeling weak, fainting in my classes, etc. my parents forced me to get therapy once they noticed my weight loss wasn’t healthy. I ended up going into binge mode during therapy and went up to 156lb, my heaviest. I felt absolutely terrible about myself and felt like I couldn’t survive. I started taking Tramadol, a pain relieving synthetic opiate, to numb the pain. Got addicted, and this lasted until the age of 21.

When I kicked it, I spiraled very fast downhill. I found myself an abusive guy who I quickly married at 20. He was just as controlling as that first boyfriend and was focused on my looks and turning me into some kind of fucked up sex doll. I basically stopped eating for an unknown amount of time and dropped to 104lb. I felt like I was dying and I most likely was. I would lay on the couch all day, blacking out, sleeping, feeling like my body was shutting down.

Since then, I’ve yo-yo’d between 110-130lb. I’ve been between 112-119lb for a year now which is the steadiest I’ve been able to keep it. I know I should get help, this has made my life hell and everyone around me knows that I have a problem. No one confronts me about it anymore because they know it’s a lost cause. I don’t actually want to give it up. I thank the depression for warping my mind enough to think that this is an acceptable way of life.

I guess this is a warning to anyone just falling into this cycle to get help before it’s too late. My mindset and traumas are so deep and detailed that I don’t even care to bother with untangling them anymore. I live in a cycle of drug and alcohol abuse, extreme restriction, body dysmorphia, social anxiety, chew and spit binges, and self hatred. I’m tired all of the time. I’ve had to get 2 teeth pulled already and the enamel on my front teeth is all fucked up. I bruise badly and cuts don’t heal. People still lust over my thinness when I’m at my LW, but I am empty inside.

No friends because I can’t do normal things and have people notice I’m not snacking or eating. Don’t care to embarrass myself anymore.

Save yourself if you can, and get help.

---

A bit scared
/u/HorseWithNoName-
Created: Tue Jul 17 02:29:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zje45/a_bit_scared/
---
Using my throw up account because I don't want to be judged on other subs 😐
After about a week of eating at maintenance or a bit over yesterday I decided I had to get back to restricting.
I ate two eggs for breakfast and a bit of ice cream for dinner, reaching about ~300 kcal.
I woke up this morning feeling cold and nauseated, I drank some water and that only made it worse.
I went to the bathroom, locked the door, went for the toilet and... I heard my mother calling me and I was on the ground.
This wasn't the first time I passed out but last time I realized it was happening, blurry vision, head spinning.
This time I was standing one moment and on the ground the other.
I stood up, opened the door, and rushed to the sink where I threw up for about a minute.
I am fine now but I don't know if what happened was caused by the restriction or what.
I can understand passing out because of not eating, but throwing up? 😞

(I weighted after eating a bit and I was 2 lbs down from yesterday so... Kinda happy in a fucked kind of way
I'll still try to up my calories a bit for today, maybe aiming for 800-1000)

---

[Other] tfw you cry over a bowl of macaroni
/u/newEDwhodis
Created: Tue Jul 17 01:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zj4ne/tfw_you_cry_over_a_bowl_of_macaroni/
---
long story short my gf found out about my ED and wants me to get help which i 100% understand but i don't think i'm ready

i'm not happy yet i don't think i can stop any time soon and i feel terrible that this just fueled me more because i don't feel like i deserve her help at all (yet? or ever? idk)

i don't even know if i want it which just makes it worse

---

[Help] Dumped... I wish I could turn off my ED
/u/cityofstarlight
Created: Tue Jul 17 00:53:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ziwxi/dumped_i_wish_i_could_turn_off_my_ed/
---
I’m just so unbelievably sad. I forgot how it felt to be rejected, unwanted and unloved. It’s been so long since I’ve been in this much pain.

Last night I went through a somewhat mutual breakup with the first guy that I have let into my life since a very destructive and brutal relationship that ended 3 years ago. He initiated the breakup but I agreed that it was needed and that we weren’t connecting. My ED and obsession with weight and my body was the nail in the coffin, I think. I literally could not turn it off, could not act normal around food and meals with him. He seemed really confused and hurt by me not wanting him to cook for me and things like that, and my obsession with weight loss got annoying I think. It didn’t help that we rarely had sex even though i always wanted it, which really fuelled my body image issues. I’m at a normal BMI and my body is well proportioned I think, and I don’t think I’m ugly, or at least I didn’t until now.

I don’t really know what the point of this is, just reaching out because I feel so utterly alone I guess. A little pity party for myself lol. I have no family because my moms a drug addict and my dads in jail, no extended family, my close friends have all drifted away from me these past few months because theyre busy with SO’s and life, and now I don’t even have this fling that gave me happiness.

I want to spiral... Im trying to lose weight healthily, staying in a healthy BMI, and slowly, but goddamn I cant help but feel like the faster im skinnier the sooner ill be lovable.

---

[Intro] My journey to drunkorexia [long]
/u/chezpajama
Created: Tue Jul 17 00:22:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zir57/my_journey_to_drunkorexia_long/
---
How my awful ex roommate added new layers of awfulness to my ED.

Now, I am not saying Morgan was the root cause of my various neuroses (thanks, mom & dad!), but he definitely magnified them.

Let’s start with the my anxiety induced insomnia. I basically have a cumulative 2-3 months out of the year during which I sleep like a normal person. The rest of the time, I stay up all night reading and/or shame spiraling.

Now let’s exacerbate that by living with a guy who has no job or responsibilities and often stays up all night watching television at top volume, leaves every single light on (and screams at you if you turn any of them off, even if he’s not in that room) and heaves his huge body around with the force of a sumo wrestler, just to slice a piece of cheese.

So you go back to taking anti-anxiety medication after stopping for several years. Because you’re showing up to work looking like Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? You need those precious extra ten minutes of sleep, and putting on all your makeup at various stop lights is not a good look.

The reason you stopped taking anxiety meds is due to severe memory lapses. But you need to sleep. You feel like you are fucking dying.

You start losing things. Your $400 wallet. A full bottle of pills (now that’s fun to explain to the new psychiatrist you’re seeing because your job changed health care providers). A set of keys for the rental car you have to get because yours is broken into and being repaired.

Things come to a head when you severely injure yourself while blacked out. You swear off the pills, but now owe about $4,000 in medical bills and miscellaneous expenses.

You’ve always liked your local bar. It’s a laid back place. You start going there directly after work, and staying the whole night. You’re broke, but $1 Jell-O shots and an elderly male clientele trying to woo you with $5 well vodka makes it affordable.

As we all know, alcohol has a lot of calories. You gain a little weight. Not even to the point of someone calling you chubby, but Morgan notices. Morgans can smell weakness.

One day Morgan asks you how tall you are. You reply that you’re 5’9. He then asks how much you weigh. Weird question, but ok. You say you’re not sure. Last time you weighed yourself you were about 135.

“Well, you’re definitely more than that now. Lucky that you’re tall.”

WHAT
THE
FUCK

Morgan is about 6 foot, 300-350 lbs. Also, who the fuck says that to someone?

I have anorexic / ED tendencies, but I fly under the radar because I’ve never been blatantly underweight. I do not have dysmorphia, but I have been known to burst into tears in a fast food restaurant or to use cocaine as an appetite suppressant because I’m attending a food related function.

So I become a drunkorexic. Taking in about 1000 calories a day, most of them being alcohol.

Since Morgan was an extreme slob, the kitchen was filthy and the fridge was always full of rotten food. I saw this as a plus and literally did not buy groceries for almost a year. Basically I got pho at a place up the road every other day, or a slice of pizza off another bar patron if I really wanted to treat myself.

Things started to look up once I met my boyfriend and my lease ended. He invited me to live with him, and since I had a kitchen to cook in finally, I was more excited to engage in my favorite hobby than worried about calories and visible hipbones.

Then around Christmas time my father had three debilitating strokes and my mother died. I quit my (admittedly awful) job and spent 2 months in bed with my phone shut off. The next few months I was semi-functional, but just barely.

Naturally, near complete inactivity interspersed with occasional drinking leads to weight gain.

Once I snapped out of my depression, I realized I weighed about 169 lbs and lost it.

I’m now back on the cycle of drunkorexia. Down 20 lbs in 2 months. I’m sure it’d be a lot more if it wasn’t for alcohol, but that bar has become literally the only thing I do.

On the bright side, I got called up on stage one night because I was giving the comedy host a (good natured) hard time. I ended up talking / joking a lot about my ED and it was therapeutic.

I’ve actually been invited to do a paid, “professional” spot and I think maybe it’ll become a new, healthy outlet for my crazy.

Still have another 20 lbs to go, but I’m hoping that once I get there that I’m in the right headspace to know what’s enough and to maintain healthily.

[Progress picture](https://imgur.com/gallery/KBUVMTw)

---

[Rant/Rave] i want to be the smallest
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Tue Jul 17 00:10:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ziot0/i_want_to_be_the_smallest/
---
there’s a new girl at work who is literally tiny. like i used to be the smallest girl at work which is why i was generally okay with eating and the like at work. now there’s a new girl on grill who is so fucking small and precious i want to cry. i feel like a horrible person but i genuinely don’t like working with her because of how self conscious she makes me.

the guy i think i like(he doesn’t know i like him) joked about messing with her in the future after he mentioned how he’s FWB with a different girl at work and i wanted to sink into the ground. i hate myself for being so jealous of her and i want to be smaller. i ordered cookies and then she clocked in and now i’m staring at them and resisting the urge to toss them in the garbage.

---

[Discussion] I could totally snap my collarbones
/u/kernalmustache [5'7" ♀ | CW 100lbs | BMI 15.9 | SW 130lbs]
Created: Mon Jul 16 23:39:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ziik4/i_could_totally_snap_my_collarbones/
---
So, I'm sitting here, right? Grabbed my collarbone. It's way easier to grab than it used to be. I realized, if it wasn't for my brain protecting me from the idiot I am I could totally snap my collarbones in half. Kinda like how you could bite off your own finger with the same force it takes to bite a carrot but you mentally can't do it to yourself.

---

[Rant/Rave] my best friend is so insensitive about my ed
/u/wetbookshelf [5’3 | CW: 95 lbs | BMI: 17.26 | GW: idk skinnier]
Created: Mon Jul 16 23:28:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zigfz/my_best_friend_is_so_insensitive_about_my_ed/
---
i normally don’t have serious conversations with her because she just sucks at them. but i was just worried about myself i guess and i didn’t really know who else to talk to so i just ranted to her and told her about how i was worried my parents were going to find out and how i was worried because i weigh so little (~92 lbs atm) but how i also didnt want to gain any weight and eating just makes me feel like shit in general.
i didnt really expect advice bc i know she’s definitely not qualified there, but she responded with “i don’t know how to help because i know there’s nothing anyone can really say to make you change how you see yourself. it’s all you. i’ve been where you are” which is just total bullshit for lots of reasons. and i said yeah i know im just worried im gonna hurt myself
and she just started telling me how she “fixed herself” by telling herself she looked fine the way she was an that it was hard but it worked for her. and so i asked if she’d ever had an eating disorder bc i knew she sort of had body issues and she posts on her finsta sometimes about wanting to be skinnier or do water fasts or whatever.
and she just said “yeah but it wasnt nearly as bad, my mom noticed right away and wouldnt let me leave til i ate”
which i guess im in no position to judge how *bad* someone elses eating disorder was but it sounds to me if it was that easy to fix then she was probably never in that mindset anyway.
anyway then i was telling her how i cant eat normally at all and how i wish i could and she just told me i need to “eat more veggies”
it just seems like she thinks this is all in my head and all i need to do to fix myself is tell myself i look okay and its so much more than that and she just doesnt understand but maybe im being unreasonable i dont know

---

A post-binge limerick
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | CW oops | GW 93lbs | 🍑 inconceivable ]
Created: Mon Jul 16 23:16:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zie3b/a_postbinge_limerick/
---
There once was a girl named Christine

A Kashi Crunch scarfing machine

For false advertising

She sued them, realizing

Twelve bowls did not make her “Go Lean”

---

A post-binge limerick
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | CW oops | GW 93lbs | 🍑 inconceivable ]
Created: Mon Jul 16 23:15:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ziduh/a_postbinge_limerick/
---
There once was a girl named Christine
A "Kashi Crunch!" scarfing machine
For false advertising
She sued them, realizing
Twelve bowls did not make her “Go Lean”

---

[Rant/Rave] Im literally crying over calories
/u/doublecouponn [5'2 | CW wailord | GW 112 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 22:46:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zi7mw/im_literally_crying_over_calories/
---
Theres a weight loss competition going on at work and its super triggering for me.
My friend knew i was “feeling down” so she got me a thin crust pizza. I asked her to send me the calories because im doing the weight loss competition for work (im not) and saw it was it my range. Great!
I ate a few slices and decided to put it in when i notice she put the wrong size and not all the toppings... so now i ate a bunch of extra calories and I’m so upset.

I hate food so much. Every day i feel like i hate it more and more. I just wanted to rant.

---

[Discussion] DAE ruin their gag reflex with drugs
/u/burnerrrrrrrrrrr [6’2 | 138 | 16.8 | -12 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 22:32:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zi4lh/dae_ruin_their_gag_reflex_with_drugs/
---
So suuuuuuuuuper niche but, I used to purge when I binged something stupid and knew I could easily reverse it. Like that family size bag of chips I finished in 5 min? It was practically fighting its way up, no problem.


But after using heroin for a few years (that’s behind me, thx Jesus) I think the constant puking ruined my gag reflex. I gag, but the stomach contractions just.... aren’t there?


It’s definitely for the best, just unexpected.

---

Is it possible to lose 10lbs in a month?
/u/EdmontonAB83
Created: Mon Jul 16 22:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zi46q/is_it_possible_to_lose_10lbs_in_a_month/
---
Currently I’m 5’5 146lbs and want to lose 10lbs by holidays in a month. Do you think this is possible and please any helpful suggestions! Currently I cannot exercise though as I dislocated my knee a couple months ago. I can walk though so I do intend on getting my 10,000 steps each day.

I am thinking 1000-1100 cal a day won’t be impossible and it’s only short term so not a huge deal. What are some filling low cal foods that will fill my vitamin/nutrient requirements?

---

[Discussion] DAE get sorta anxious when someone points out your weight loss?
/u/longer_donger420
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:29:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhq8l/dae_get_sorta_anxious_when_someone_points_out/
---
Recently went to a family gathering and literally every other conversation with certain people was about my weight loss. Like, are they on to me? Is it genuine compliment? Are they on the low calling me fat? I dont know!!!!

I also have anxiety so it might just be that acting up but god damn

---

Does anyone experience sit bone pain?
/u/bashytr0n [5'2"|90lbs|17.1| GW 40kg/88lbs | LW 35kg/77lbs]
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:28:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhq44/does_anyone_experience_sit_bone_pain/
---
Lately ive been getting really sore in my...inner buttcheek i guess? Its worse on one side than the other and is worsened when sitting for long periods of time in the same position. Ive been sitting on a pillow which has helped a bit but im just trying to locate the cause of this because its quite annoying and is affecting my flexibility.



I don't know if ive pulled a muscle or something or if its caused by pressure from the pelvic bone or what? Does anyone else get this and is it preventable?

---

[Discussion] DAE keep a running tally of their deficit?
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:27:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhpo7/dae_keep_a_running_tally_of_their_deficit/
---
I'm currently fasting so of course the numbers on the scale are dropping really fast, but I'm logging my deficit (as determined by my fitbit) to gauge my actual fat loss. Right now I'm just under 2lbs in 3 days. I try to do this when normally restricting, too. Anyone else?

---

[Help] Fasting buddy?
/u/yeahihaveaquestion
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:13:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhm5n/fasting_buddy/
---
[removed]

---

Mad at myself for eating strawberries
/u/alpacarla
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:13:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhm5f/mad_at_myself_for_eating_strawberries/
---
I was going to weigh myself this morning for the first time in a little while, but it's 4am and I've just eaten what equates to about a pound of strawberries.

Why didn't I weigh myself first :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Cheesy bread.
/u/rougoku [5'7" | CW: 136 & BMI: 21 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:08:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhkzi/cheesy_bread/
---
My boyfriend works at a pizza place and in a moment of weakness and hunger, I called him an hour ago and asked him to bring me some cheesy bread home. Now I’m torn between calling him back and telling him to forget it, or binging on it when he gets here.

Such a difficult decision...

---

[Rant/Rave] Big Boned
/u/Chaiteathaichi
Created: Mon Jul 16 21:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhivx/big_boned/
---
My treatment team told me that I am “big boned and have a large frame”. They told me to stop losing weight even though I’m overweight because BMI isn’t an accurate measure for someone who is naturally large and I don’t look overweight. I’ve never wanted to restrict more in my life than I do right now. So, now I know... I’m destined to either look fat and gross or emaciated and gross. FML

---

[Rant/Rave] Purged for the first time in 2 years
/u/Sockapoodledoo
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:49:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhfzs/purged_for_the_first_time_in_2_years/
---
Welp. I self-recovered from Bulimia two years ago. Tried the whole healthy eating thing. Normal sized portions. Things in moderation. Working out 5 days a week. Etc. My friend had a bachelorette party about a month ago. I was the curvy one in the group—literally all these girls were tall skinny model types. And I was 5’4 134 and lots of muscle so not even that big—but looking at pictures God I felt like I stood out. It crashed my mental health *hard.*

Came back from the trip and immediately starting restricting. It built up until last week when I fasted for about 50 hours until I got so dizzy I felt like I was gonna pass out. After that I was fine on like <300 calories a day. I lost 5 lbs.

I’m on a big family vacation right now, and it’s throwing me all over the place. Yesterday wasn’t too bad, although I snacked last night way later than I should have (usually I IF 2-8pm). Today they had a huge potluck. Fuck me. I said I was going to eat only healthy things and I definitely didn’t. I snacked on so many different things. Pasta, buffalo chicken, fried chicken, 7 layer dip, pigs in a blankets, a cookie, a cupcake....TBH it was pretty small portions of everything, like a spoonful or two of each thing so it probably wasn’t even that terrible...but omg I felt disgusting. I sat there for a second. Thought about how gross I felt and how all my progress last week was ruined, and then went straight upstairs to the bathroom and threw up as much as I could. It was *so* easy. Like riding a bike. I don’t even feel bad about it.

I do feel bad that I came back and snacked on more chips and dip and had 4 s’mores. So. I guess today is a binge day.

Tomorrow I’ll try to be better. Ugh. I was doing so well and this trip is totally fucking me up. I miss feeling light and dizzy.

---

[Other] Back again ugh
/u/villagethief
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhd4w/back_again_ugh/
---
My parents noticed I was losing weight around may and took me to the doctor multiple times. I was basically forced to “recover” on my own. They didn’t find out it was me restricting food bc they thought it was just stress from school lol. I never actually recovered obviously I just gained weight and went from 108 to 123 K M SSSSSS. Anyways I’m trying to lose it bc now I’m heavier than I’ve ever been in my life and I hate myself.

---

[Discussion] DAE avoid the doctor because you haven’t lost enough / your behaviours aren’t life-threatening?
/u/TreatmentTime [5'9 | 135 | 19.9 | -28]
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:34:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhc9b/dae_avoid_the_doctor_because_you_havent_lost/
---
I last saw my PCP at the end of May because my ED therapist was mandating I get labs and vitals done every two weeks. At the time, I’d just moved and started a new job and the stress of it all had me restricting fluids and B/Ping multiple times a day. Happy Scale says I was around ~140.5 at the time, but dehydration got me down to 138 for my weigh in with her, fully clothed. My blood work was pretty poor, and I narrowly avoided an ER trip.

Things were *a lot* better in June. I rehydrated, ate just under maintenance, and cut back to purging two or three times a week, which was a huge quality of life increase but quartered how quickly I was losing weight.

I had a bad experience at a bar shortly after that appointment, and it’s caused some PTSD nightmares to flare up again. I was previously was prescribed a medication that basically eliminated the dreams, and I’d love to get a prescription for it again…but I’ve “only” lost 4 pounds (7 if you count dehydration weight!) in the six weeks since I saw her, and haven’t been purging so much that blood work will come back poorly.

I feel that since I’m not losing quickly, and not purging daily, she’s going to think I’m a hypochondriac faking my ED or demonstrating drug seeking behaviour, and so I’ve been neglecting to schedule an appointment.

Can anyone relate?

---

[Other] This unbelievably skinny girl 😍😍😍
/u/LiteralMangina [5’7 | 98lbs | 15.3 | -27 | F(23)]
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:29:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhb4f/this_unbelievably_skinny_girl/
---
https://reddit.app.link/OQ168NY8BO

---

Binged and feel gross...
/u/Ineedthinspo
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:27:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zhajy/binged_and_feel_gross/
---
I binged tonight for the first time in weeks and I feel awful because I can't go to the gym now or my SO will question why I'm leaving so late. I'm just so disgusted with how fat I am and how far I have to go. Plus I promised to go to the gym tomorrow with a friend so I'm going to have to slow down for her, which is just adding to my anxiety. I just needed to get this off my chest, I think I'll just have to restrict extra hard tomorrow.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why am i this way holy shit
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zh7p3/why_am_i_this_way_holy_shit/
---
I ate like a hundred and fifty calories today (mostly Halo top) and I'm crying on my couch trying to decide if it should just go to sleep (it's only 7pm ) to forget what a fucking failure I feel like. I've been majorly restricting/fasting for like a week and yet I still feel like such a monumental piece of shit. It's never enough. I just want to be thinner. I just want to the happier. I just want my life back.

---

[Tip] target’s low cal ice cream
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Mon Jul 16 20:06:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zh58t/targets_low_cal_ice_cream/
---
target launched it’s own version of halo top and dude, it’s 5/5 on yelp if you ask me. it’s cheaper than halo top ($3.50) and it tastes just as good, if not better. i’m eating the chocolate peanut butter pint right now and there are actual big gobs of pb in there!! all pints are <380 calories and they have cool new flavors like cinnamon ice cream with mini donuts. thought i’d share!!!

(it’s sad how excited i get about low cal ice cream 🤷🏼‍♀️)

---

[Discussion] dae not have body dysmorphia?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:59:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zh3gk/dae_not_have_body_dysmorphia/
---
like obviously i think im fat and have shitty self esteem but i actually am as fat as i think i am, and i have measurements to prove it. plus i have the occasional good day where i think my body isn't that gross and reaching my goals is a possiblilty. but whatever the point of this post is that everybody on this sub seems to have bdd and idk i guess i'm curious to see if theres anyone out there like me

---

[Help] Why shouldn't I chew and spit?
/u/LowWorldliness
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:56:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zh2mo/why_shouldnt_i_chew_and_spit/
---
It's a gross habit, I know. I don't feel great about it and I'd never do it in public or in front of people. It's really only with a certain few high calorie foods that I just can't resist. I know it's potentially bad for my oral hygiene and can do bad things by making my stomach produce whatever in expectation for food.

But, I was wondering, is it so bad if I eat SOME of whatever and chew and spit some of it? So my stomach is getting food, but less than the quantity I'm chewing? (Like, if I swallow 25-50% of a burrito and spit the rest out?)

Looking for facts about chew/spit health problems and ways forward with harm reduction. (I'm not quite ready to quit it yet, but I don't want to fuck myself over forever.)

---

I want to recover but I'm scared of getting diabetes
/u/tinyfleabite [5'2.5|91 lbs|17| I don't eat I photosynthesise]
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:50:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zh1aa/i_want_to_recover_but_im_scared_of_getting/
---
We have a family history of Type 2 Diabetes, and most of my family wasn't even overweight when they were diagnosed. I'm at a BMI of 17 right now, 16.5 on the old scale. I hate this so much I can't even sleep on my back anymore because my spine digs into the bed and I honestly want to gain a bit. Maybe up to 100lbs. Not more than that. But I'm scared that I'm going to get diabetes because it runs in my family so much. My diet's shit, all carbs and sugar. Is this irrational? I'm so sorry, I'm scared that if I don't stay in the 17 BMIs I'll get diabetes. And my stomach is flat, but it's kind of big, which is a sign of insulin resistance.

---

[Rant/Rave] No deficit is ever enough.
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:38:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgyab/no_deficit_is_ever_enough/
---
I hate it. No matter how high my TDEE is and how little I take in, the deficit is never enough. It doesn't matter if I'm netting -1000 or -2000 or anything. It's never as much of a burn as I want. It's never satisfying. It doesn't matter if I fast all day or eat as little as possible on eat higher but still in deficit. Nothing is enough.

I'm so upset right now lol. I haven't binged and I think I'll be fine the rest of the night and my deficit would sound high to my friends but it's not enough for me. I just want all of this off me right now.

---

[Discussion] what was your bmi at the beginning of your ed?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:34:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgx7p/what_was_your_bmi_at_the_beginning_of_your_ed/
---
mine was 22.5

---

i’ve eaten.
/u/cinnamonpatt
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:31:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgwj7/ive_eaten/
---
i’ve eaten. yesterday, i ate a big ass lasagna slice PLUS dessert! and for lunch i ate a subway sub (about 558 cals) and burned all the calories off by walking like 5 and a half miles, but right now i just ate some more lasagna (1 and a half slice) and a scoop of fucking ICECREAM! i cant purge them out cause i’m supervise after meals! i feel like a fucking failure! wtf is up with me! i’ve literally been eating so much i’m so done with myself.

---

I was 4 hours away from my week badge for not binging!!
/u/PandaApex22
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:31:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgwet/i_was_4_hours_away_from_my_week_badge_for_not/
---
https://i.redd.it/1a85g4tsvea11.jpg

---

guess what i found out after c/s-ing a whole bag of potato chips :))
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | CW: 183 | HW: 234 | LW: 170 | GW: 115 | 15F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:21:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgu1g/guess_what_i_found_out_after_csing_a_whole_bag_of/
---
out of nowhere my mom "reminds" me (reminds in quotation marks bc she never told me) that i have a dentist appointment tomorrow loll.

---

[Rant/Rave] Recovered for about a year and then triggered by family- the normal story.
/u/justoliverflynn
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:15:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgshc/recovered_for_about_a_year_and_then_triggered_by/
---
I have had an eating disorder since I was little, my parents used to hide junk food from my brother and I, so whenever I would get any I would binge way too hard. Thats where I truly believe all of this started. Obviously combined with the snide remarks on appearance from my classmates since I was like 5.

In high school, my anorexic tendencies shown through and I weighed a whopping 117 pounds at 5’6”. Then as high school continued and depression soared, my BED became prevalent once again. And now, I am 190 pounds.

I hate myself. A lot. But I’m not even motivated by that anymore, my desire to be smaller and hate myself less.

My mom and grandma were both incredibly overweight (where I am headed if I don’t get control now) and then they both got a gastric sleeve and now they are smaller than me. Seeing them is my biggest trigger. How are they so small?? Like okay, I know HOW. But ugh. I begged and pleaded for my mom to let me have the surgery too but NOOOO she says. I’m just so lost and upset that I’m the youngest and the fattest and it’s my fuel. I won’t eat more than 1000 calories. I won’t sit on my ass. I don’t deserve food. I don’t deserve it.

---

[Discussion] How old were you when you started noticing weight?
/u/jklikes [5'3'' | CW: 113 | GW: 100 | BMI: 20|]
Created: Mon Jul 16 19:10:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgrf2/how_old_were_you_when_you_started_noticing_weight/
---
Trigger warning. Answer in comments.

---

Having a really hard time restricting :(
/u/averybluebitch [19f | 5'4 | CW: 52.4 kg | UGW: 48kg | 19.8]
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:57:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgnt3/having_a_really_hard_time_restricting/
---
When I reached my first GW, I decided to up my intake to around 1200kcal until I got to my UGW, when I'd maintain. I've since changed my mind and wanted to get to 50kg before my next semester started (second week of august), but I just *cannot* eat less than 1000! I've actually been eating at maintenance the past few days, ugh. There's no self control left in me. Do any of you guys have any tips on how to fix that? I've seen people suggesting lowering gradually until reaching my desired intake, but idk if I can even manage that.

---

[Help] Tips
/u/fishaboveH2O
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgjos/tips/
---
I was severely bulimic throughout high school and when I started college I had to stop because of my roommate situation and living in a dorm. I gained a lot of weight and now I’m in an apartment so I’m trying to restrict and then binge/purge at the end of the day or just totally be anorexic. Any tips on how to get myself back into it?

---

what do you watch or do to stop yourself from binging?
/u/tinygrl22 [5'1 | CW: 107lbs | 20.2 | 19F |]
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:30:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zggok/what_do_you_watch_or_do_to_stop_yourself_from/
---
what do you do to prevent yourself from binging? this sub helps me and also just reminding myself of my goal and how soon i can be there. what else is there?

---

[Help] I'm eating 800 calories a day and gaining. I just don't get it.
/u/Highoffempty [5'9|CW: 143.3 | GW: 120 | UGW: 106 |Lbs lost: 16.7]
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:27:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgfza/im_eating_800_calories_a_day_and_gaining_i_just/
---
I have been eating around 800 calories for a while now. My TDEE is about 1800. I'm not losing anymore. Instead, the scale keeps going up!! It's infuriating. I weigh once a week and the scale goes up.

I just don't know what to do? I was staying at 800 so I didn't lose hair. Go to 500? Stick it out at 800? Fast?

I'm so discouraged and upset and I just would like some advice. I have no idea what's going on.

---

Success in controlling a binge/Bad mental health day
/u/USSNerdinator [5'1" | 205lbs | 38.8 | 35lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zgbhe/success_in_controlling_a_bingebad_mental_health/
---
So today I was having a bad mental day, as one does, and pretty much wanted to eat a crap ton of food this afternoon (binge). Good news is I didn't eat near as much as I wanted to, bad news is I probably drank a liter and a half of diet coke. Sure, the diet is probably better for me than if it had been regular coke but eh, still not exactly healthy. I've been meticulously logging my food and I've been successfully losing needed weight while adding much needed strength training and cardio. I'm still struggling with periods of "fuck it, I wanna eat everything" countered with "I shouldn't eat much today, can I count a bowl of strawberries as lunch?" I keep trying to remind myself that bodies do need fuel to function. It's rough. When I eat, sometimes I still call myself a fatass for eating a moderate amount of food. Caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror out today. I hate that what I feel like I should look like doesn't match what I do look like at all. I've got to stop blaming myself every time I emotionally overeat though. I know why I overeat though (when you feel empty, you want to feel full of something). Why I then turn around and blame/shame myself is beyond me. Getting back into therapy soon. Hopefully I can work some of this out.

---

[Discussion] do you guys work out?
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Mon Jul 16 18:02:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zg8y2/do_you_guys_work_out/
---
Do you work out? If so what do you guys do and how often? I’m mostly walking around ~2-3 miles from work per day so I’m getting some cardio in my day. I just want to get rid of the pouch area in my tummy. Any recommendations?

---

[Rant/Rave] Love watching shows about fat people, especially supersize vs superskinny
/u/Bleepbloopbroke [65|CW 121.4|GW 110|UGW 84|20.44|]
Created: Mon Jul 16 17:39:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zg2zd/love_watching_shows_about_fat_people_especially/
---
I'm obsessed with watching shows on YouTube about fat people. I calculate their BMRs and try to figure out how fast they could lose if they had an ed. Idk it helps keep me motivated because I can't imagine being that big.

Anyway on to supersize vs superskinny. Does anyone else think the "superskinny" people look pretty normal/healthy? Like for the most part I still want to be much thinner than they are. And seeing the reactions of the supersize people it seems so fake. Like they're not that small?

Idk sorry. Just a rant

---

[Other] “You’re going to die”
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Mon Jul 16 17:01:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfsjm/youre_going_to_die/
---
- the words of someone who loves me and would never lie.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why do I keep sabotaging myself
/u/shonamairead [5'6 | CW - 151lbs | GW - 120| F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:59:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfs3a/why_do_i_keep_sabotaging_myself/
---
I’ve been restricting so well for the past week eating an average of 700cal a day and tonight I went on a 3 and a half mile walk and I got home and my brain just went ‘time to eat!’ And I just ate like half a 360g box of malteasers and a 450 calorie sandwich and now I hate myself

---

[Rant/Rave] All or nothing...
/u/sleepyperi
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:56:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfraq/all_or_nothing/
---
So, like some of you, I'm a very all or nothing person. I'll either eat nothing all day or binge. I've started off my day with a coffee with cream and sugar, and now I'm so close to eating everything in sight. I know my day won't be ruined if I just keep everything else down, but at 9am I already feel like I've ruined it.

Any words of advice??

---

Possibly relatable but mostly just me being messed up??
/u/strawstring [5'10 | CW ugh | -40kg | 21F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:49:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfp9e/possibly_relatable_but_mostly_just_me_being/
---
Hit a LW. Binge (and p) and ruin it. Get back down over a few days, get weak from restriction, tell myself I'm gonna do this ~healthily~ and grocery shop for the week buying fresh veggies, fruit, even dark chocolate because treat yourself!! Have one awesome day, feel on top of the world, get period :)))

Tell myself it's just water weight/bloat but subconsciously lose all control and eat breakfast which leads to eating candy which leads to a huge b/p sesh (or insert destructive behavior here) and now want to fast all week but I have $25 worth of food that will go bad if I don't eat it. Spend the next few hours planning out how I can waste the least food and still somehow eat as little as possible.

Get high, go to bed, repeat!

(Extra fun because I started my binge at work and felt so awful that I had to take half a sick day but continued to buy food and eat after getting home)

---

God bless ranch dressing
/u/psychedelicpeach
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:44:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfnxs/god_bless_ranch_dressing/
---
I’m in LOVE with Bolthouse Farms “Cucumber Yogurt” ranch dip. Two tablespoons of creamy goodness for only 35 calories 😭. I hate how olive oil is so high in calories because I love vinaigrette dressing on salads....but this new yogurt dressing is the shit.

---

People Noticed my weight loss....while I was at a plateau?
/u/im-nobody-too [CW: 116 lbs| GW: Maintain don't gain|26f]
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:33:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfkyk/people_noticed_my_weight_losswhile_i_was_at_a/
---
Has this ever happened to anyone else?

I've had an eating disorder for quite a few years, so I have a lot of older friends who know about it and remember when I was at my lowest weight. But I've been fairly stable at a healthy weight for the last 2-3 years, so even though I've had relapses every now and then and definitely struggled with body image, most of my co-workers and newer friends have no idea.

Well, this past Winter/Spring, I had the kind of relapse that I lost weight but it was slow, so people didn't really notice. I went from about 120 to just under 110 in about 4 months. I can kind of see the difference, and my doctor told me that I need to watch that it doesn't get out of control, but no one else said anything until this past month. And even at first, it was just two people that both already knew about my ed, so it was pretty easy to explain that I'd relapsed a little but I'm okay now.

My weight has stayed pretty much the same for about a month now, and I'm feeling crummy about it because I've felt so tired and worn down, like I SHOULD be losing. And now a few of my co-workers are starting to notice and telling me that I need to eat and that they're worried about me. It's upsetting me because I want to make them stop worrying, but I can't eat more when I'm not even losing weight, and it's so hard to act like I'm fine when I feel so tired.

Right now I'm eating 1200-1500 calories a day, so it makes sense that I'm not really losing. I know this is so crazy, but I'm actually really triggered by peoples concern. Like I want to lose a lot of weight and be REALLY sick so that I deserve the attention.

---

[Discussion] ED and Intellect
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 85lbs | 16ish | -?lbs | f]
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfgzp/ed_and_intellect/
---
I have a strained relationship with my self-image, and a lot of that results form my simply being, well, not the sharpest tool in the shed. High school drop out. Can't handle basic math. Unable to follow instructions no matter how clearly they may be stated. Can't drive. Can't cook. Info goes in one ear and straight out the other.

That, combined with my ED, leaves me as this sort of ditzy dumb skinny bimbo type. The petite, airheaded, vapid girl who thinks more about hair, chasing dick, and her aesthetic blog than anything else. It's an image I can live with.

But because i'm so totally lacking mentally and have nothing even resembling a real personality i feel like i have to maintain my body as basically an excuse. I couldn't stand to be dumb *and* boring *and* fat so instead i've settled into this silly role.

How does your ED influence (or is influenced by) book smarts?

---

[Rant/Rave] caught my boyfriend cheating on me with someone skinnier
/u/baby-lips
Created: Mon Jul 16 16:06:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfd1w/caught_my_boyfriend_cheating_on_me_with_someone/
---
aaaaaand time to starve

---

[Discussion] Anyone else on Mirtazapine (Remeron)?
/u/tobethinspo [5'0 (153.3 cm) | CW: 96.8 lbs | 19.62]
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:58:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfaxk/anyone_else_on_mirtazapine_remeron/
---
I've been on Remeron for a while (like a year) for sleep. Can't sleep without it 😕 for those of you who don't know, it's notorious for causing the munches/weight gain. I'm pretty used to dealing with it now, but it was tough at first.

Anyways just wondering if anyone else here is on it? How do you deal with the munchies? Did you gain weight from it? What's your experience?

---

[Help] Been eating. Feel sick.
/u/yaogauiasaurus
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:55:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zfa26/been_eating_feel_sick/
---
So.... Since October I've gone from 165 to 113 (at lowest. Today I'm 116 but whateva) been eating 300-600 calories a day-ish.

So this last week.... I dunno why but I just fucking ate. I just ate all the things I fed my family... Supper. Snacks. All the things. Like. Not over eating... Just eating. You know? For the first time in a long time. That should be awesome! And I should be happy about it maybe... Except that I gained 3 pounds. But that's not even the problem.

I feel sick to my stomach. This whole week I just feel sick... Nauseated. Pukey. Heart burn. Is that normal? Has my body forgotten what its supposed to do? Is this psychological? Maybe its a manifestation of my self hatred. I don't even know. So I haven't eaten today cause I'm tired of feeling queezy.

Does this happen to you?

---

[Discussion] DAE buy something that they can grow/shrink into as motivation/a milestone?
/u/Dontloseyour-Ed
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:54:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf9sf/dae_buy_something_that_they_can_growshrink_into/
---
I just bought a pair of shorts and a skirt that I would never usually wear without tights but since it's summer I'll be wearing less tights. They're a motivation to lose weight around my legs as they're where I have a lot of fat.
Does anyone else do stuff like this or am I being weird?

---

[Help] Trying not to reach a new low
/u/CharlieJScarper [5'1/2" | 96lbs | 18.3 | FTM:cat_blep:]
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:54:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf9km/trying_not_to_reach_a_new_low/
---
I don't know what to do. As of today I am a week purge free and it's been two weeks since I ate over 1000 a day (staying below 800 most days), but I had a really hard day today. I met up with a friend and it made me realise how many people I miss so desperately with no chance to get them back. It feels like I'm losing control of everything in my life except my eating and I don't want to be alone.

I made cupcakes this morning for my family and I'm staring at them now. I've never done chewwing and spitting before but the thought is in my head and it wont leave, it's like my mind is screaming at me to do it but I don't want to hit that new low. I just want to feel okay and safe and not alone.

---

I write ed poems, too
/u/OodietcokeheadoO
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:51:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf8um/i_write_ed_poems_too/
---
I turned this one into a song earlier :')

Ugly as the sins that stain my hands
Ignorant as a choir of "I understand"
Comfort in the chaos of repetition
Failure in the process of my mission

It's so ugly I can't stand it
It hurts so bad that I command it
It's so ugly can I be candid
It hurts so bad and I'm stranded

I'm not on fire this is just how I clean
Burning to ashes amidst daily routine
Dirty as the ground on which my dust lands
Funny as the crowd chuckling to my dead pan

I'm so ugly I can't stand it
It hurts so bad no one reprimands it
We're so ugly can I be candid
It hurts so bad and we're stranded

---

Anyone else not exercise and still reach their UGW?
/u/CurlyHairPandaBear
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf7l8/anyone_else_not_exercise_and_still_reach_their_ugw/
---
I'm unable to exercise for several reasons (hopefully in about 6-8 weeks I can start some after I move) and I just feel like it's never going to happen...

---

[Rant/Rave] A tale of two boyfriends
/u/Snowbae
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:42:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf62i/a_tale_of_two_boyfriends/
---
In my life I have had two boyfriends. J I was with 17-20 and K I was with 21-22. K and I broke up a few months ago. Both of them have had a huge effect on me as a person but they were complete and polar opposites to each other in how they effected me.

When I met J I was 17 and had very low self esteem. We had so much in common and instantly clicked. When I went to uni about 3 hours away at 18, we stayed together. He was a year older but had been working dead end jobs at home. He always made me feel so good about myself, and when I was with him I felt so secure and loved. The issues in our relationship were his poor money management and lack of ambition. I'm not a snob, I know some people are happy in retail etc but he was lazy and it meant that it was hard for him to keep a job for long periods of time. So with J I always felt good about myself but his laziness and lack of ambition had leeched onto me slightly, and because of him I was doing worse in uni than I wanted. After 3.5 years he then broke up with me for another girl which shattered my world and made me feel horrific about myself. I think post breakup this was the lowest I've ever been, and this was when my issues with food developed from manageable but a bit shit into a full blown eating disorder.

About 6 months later me and K become friends. We'd known each other vaguely since the start of uni, but we were partnered together in a lab project together so realised we had a similar sense of humour. This friendship eventually developed into something more, and another 6 months later we are a couple. He is so driven and strong and these traits make me work so so hard, eventually graduating with 1st class in my masters. But, the catch here is he never ever makes me feel good about myself. For the last few months of us being together he makes it clear that any physical contact makes him feel unwell. He doesn't ever say he doesn't find me attractive, but his actions speak louder than words. Eventually, I couldn't take it any more and broke it off with him. Honestly this boy did so much for my life. Helped me get a great grad job and without him I would not have graduated with a first. BUT his effect on my self esteem and eating disorder have been fucking horrific. I honestly think being with him made everything in that sense so much worse.

It's just so odd to me that the two boys who I've chosen to be with have been so very different in that sense. Our relationships were such polar opposites, and as were their effects on me, my life and my eating disorder.

---

[Intro] why i’m here
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 putridaffection]
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zf1fq/why_im_here/
---
i’m a little late but oh well whatever

i feel like i’ve always been a little fucked up. even when i was a child people were always like “you’d be so pretty if you just lost a few pounds” while pushing food on me and getting mad if i didn’t eat. i was always a people pleaser so i wouldn’t eat unless others were around so i could avoid upsetting anyone. that plus the stress from having a mother who would lose her shit if i got anything lower than an A (even an A- was considered unacceptable) led me to start binging and purging at an early age. when i was 14 i tried to kill myself. ended up going to inpatient where it got better but never really left

fast forward 10 years. i got married and had a kid. when he was almost two my parents were babysitting while i was working on grad school assignments and they got into a car accident. my parents lived but my boy didn’t. i was supposed to take off that day so i could take my mom to the dentist but my back was killing me and i didn’t want to be driving around. all my fault. it should have been me

i stopped eating. i wanted to die. then i found out my back was hurting because i was three months pregnant so i had to start taking proper care of myself, or the baby at least. a little over two years later i have two living children and now that i’m not pregnant i can punish myself the way i want. food is for other people. happiness is for other people. not for me. i don’t deserve to be happy after burying a child

---

[Intro] I’m 30 years old
/u/Happy_Holly87
Created: Mon Jul 16 15:21:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zezo5/im_30_years_old/
---
I was the first generation of girls on pro ana websites back when the internet became a regular thing. I even remember having an ED before the internet was a thing in average residential homes, I’ve been like this since I was 9. Reading the posts on here makes me realise that I’m a huge failure, I’m still not over this and I’m almost a middle aged woman. I’m not sure I’ll ever beat it.

---

Always feeling like 'you could do better'?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Mon Jul 16 14:44:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zenmg/always_feeling_like_you_could_do_better/
---
I rarely have this happen, but when it comes, it comes hard. Now I'm in a restriction phase and planned to have no more than 500kcal until GW1. I can't make myself eat up to 500, even thought there's sooo much I want to eat and COULD, but my ED is always telling me that I could go lower, have half instead of a whole, skip eating all together because I'm not fainting yet. Pop some more caffeine, move more althought I have no energy.

I red somewhere in another sub that you shouldn't look at how little calories you can eat, but how much you can eat while still losing weight. I really like that idea, it just doesn't work for me because I'm scared that when I eat, my appetite will increase (which usually happens). Also, I like having the excuse to be too weak for everything, and right now I'm so unhappy with my body that I want to freaking rip of my skin and crave away that fat, how could I deserve to eat more than just enought to get by?
Ugh. I could probably lose even faster with a little more, and according to losertown, 300 calories versus 500 a day make almost no difference. But I just can't get my head around how eating more will not make me fatter.

---

Conflicted over breakfast, OMAD, and being a generally out of control BP queen
/u/babymooonbeam [5.3.5” | 116 | 22F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 14:37:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zelcj/conflicted_over_breakfast_omad_and_being_a/
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Hello all and Happy Monday! I'm back on here after failed attempt at recovery over several months that left me more than 10lbs up. Lately my life feels like an uncontrollable whirlwind of junk food binges and purges.

Generally I do not eat breakfast, mainly to minimize calories and to avoid getting hungry earlier in the day. I am very all or nothing, so OMAD usually works well. I cannot stop eating until I feel like I'm going to burst. The only way I've been able to cope with these binge urges is to minimize my eating window. It seems to work well in that I don't get hungry until pretty late in the day. However, I'm plateauing and still dealing with regular binges.

I'm contemplating introducing morning food into my diet. Maybe this would get my metabolism going and/or help me get some control back?? I'm not really sure if that would actually work. Has anyone been in the same boat?

Tbh I am not very knowledgeable about metabolism and related Science™ things. But I do know that I feel almost completely out of control and I want to break through this plateau.

---

[Rant/Rave] Worst day ever
/u/NovANDP [5'4" | 166 lb | 28.5 | 15 lb | Trying]
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:59:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ze8m5/worst_day_ever/
---
I went to the doctor today, and my family wanted to go eat. We driving into Five Guys, and I walk inside, and see the calories next to the food. Just an order of fries is over my calorie limit. I ate everything in front of me and now I feel so disgusting..

---

How do you cook for others without eating it
/u/welpthatreallysucks [♀ 5'4" | ⚖ 205 | -31lbs| 🇨🇦]
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ze682/how_do_you_cook_for_others_without_eating_it/
---
So... I've been reckless and binging continuously and the familiar guilt has finally set in. Immediately stared restriction again avoiding throwing up as much as possible.

The thing is, in my new life, I've been cooking each night for my roommates aka my best friend and dear boyfriend.

I don't wanna stop cooking but how can I cook and just not eat it? They will probably feel bad if I do so.

---

[Rant/Rave] The Common Mistake
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 109 | 19.9 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:50:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ze5pb/the_common_mistake/
---
I'm assuming many people have heard this one before. I have a really good friend who is easily my best mate. She's saved my arse a multitude of times and I love her to death. She's also overweight, and wants to lose weight, but doesn't exactly want to put in any effort. She's also aware of my ED, though not of the relapse I am in.

We were talking and she brought up how she'd lost a couple pounds in the last few weeks. I congratulated her, but she said she wished she could lose as fast as me. Then, the infamous...

"I'd kill to have an eating disorder, you know".

This was followed up with "I don't know how you gave yours up". I said that it was because it almost killed me, and she shrugged it off with a "But you were skinny".

Were.

*Were*.

End me.

---

[Discussion] Why does the ED community go by BMI instead of BFP?
/u/deadlylikesugar
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:26:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdy7e/why_does_the_ed_community_go_by_bmi_instead_of_bfp/
---
You’ll have to please excuse my ignorance on this topic. 😬

I was once a personal trainer (the irony, I know, kills me too) and BFP (body fat percentage) was the only way we would track a client’s progress.

You see, the problem with BMI is that it’s a very broad scale with too much room for inaccuracy due to the fact that it doesn’t take into consideration muscle mass, bone density, water retention, etc.

For example, I used to be very into lifting weights and was once 150lb at 5’7. On the BMI chart, I would’ve been considered overweight. But in reality, my BFP was somewhere around 20% which, for a woman, is relatively lean/low fat. I have (or...had) high bone density and was strong af which meant bone and muscle made up most of my body weight, not fat.

Of course, it takes a little more effort and a little equipment to find out your BFP, but after using that system, it seems almost crazy to me to rely on BMI.

I’m honestly just very curious; is BMI used here because BFP isn’t as well known as I thought? Or maybe because BFP requires a little more than just a scale and knowing your height?

Honestly, I personally feel like BFP is so much more useful in our community in particular and the use of BMI has just been something I’ve accepted here. Thoughts?

---

[Rant/Rave] Why is it so hard to find certain flavors of Enlightened ice cream?
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:24:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdxif/why_is_it_so_hard_to_find_certain_flavors_of/
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It seems like I see the same 4-8 or so flavors all the time where I am (NH/MA area). Are they distributed differently based on geographical location?

I’ve NEVER seen the flavors French Toast, S’mores, Strawberry Cheesecake, Frosted Doughnut, PB marshmallow, Butter Pecan, or Bananas Foster (don’t really care about that one though lol).

I’ve only seen Almond and Snickerdoodle once.

I ALWAYS see Birthday Cake, Mint Chip, Cold Brew Coffee, And Sea Salt Caramel.

The rest I see on occasion, but not every single time. It’s a hit or a miss.

---

[Rant/Rave] insomnia and binging.
/u/chzkayla
Created: Mon Jul 16 13:10:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdsm3/insomnia_and_binging/
---
rant bc i was doing so well with my fast.
i was into my fast for like 24hours, longest time ever since june. and i was doing really really well, but it’s night time here, and I COULDNT SLEEP.
i have some sleeping issues, and was prescribe sleeping pills from my doctor, and i thought i have finished it. and didn’t get it refilled. and i couldn’t sleep, so i went down to the kitchen, to do my work and stuff. uh huh kitchen, bad move.
and ye i started eating, 2 mini peaches, 2 bread fuckkkkkkk i am so pissed. and half way thru my bread, guess what, I FREAKING REMEMBERED THAT I HAD IT REFILLED AT MY LAST DOCTOR APPOINTMENT. AND I HAVENT EATEN ANY OF THE PILLS YET. and fuck my life. i am so fucking pissed.
bc i couldn’t have pop a pill and go to bed instead of ranting on reddit about how i had my pills refilled and thought i didn’t.
i am pissed i could have slept and get more fasting hours UGH.

td;lr
couldn’t sleep, thought i finished my sleeping pills, went to the kitchen, eat, remembered my pills have been refilled halfway thru eating, and now hating on myself :)

---

Why do I care so much about my weight?
/u/cortizonegnome
Created: Mon Jul 16 12:56:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdo0q/why_do_i_care_so_much_about_my_weight/
---
I was looking at a girl next to me in class and she was about my height (5'3") and Asian as well but maybe 10-15 lbs heavier (honestly I have no idea she looked maybe around 125 lbs or something I'm not good at guessing these things) and I couldn't help but compare myself to her b/c we shared these common traits. She wasn't fat by any means (within the normal weight range) but she looked heavier than I ever was. Her arms, legs, stomach, etc. were all larger than I was at my heaviest. I pinched and pinched at myself when I was most definitely smaller than she currently is. But I thought she was so pretty? When I saw her the first thought that came to my mind was "Oh she's so cute, I want to be friends". I don't get it. I didn't for one second think she was fat. I only noticed she was basically my frame but larger because she was Asian and I related to her and went on from there. Like I feel horrendous and terribly fat and I want nothing more than to be so delicate I float away in the frickin air but I don't even apply that standard of beauty to other people. I legitimately, whole-heartedly find other girls attractive at weights I would cry to be at. idk I don't get myself do u guys relate lol

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else not hate themselves during or after a binge.
/u/cryingboi65
Created: Mon Jul 16 12:42:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdjqa/does_anyone_else_not_hate_themselves_during_or/
---
So after restricting for a few days I'm in the middle of a binge but I've noticed that when or after I binge I don't really put myself down for it I just remind myself i can't binge too often or I'll never lose weight and go back to restricting afterwards,is anyone else like this?

---

[Rant/Rave] Cravings
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Mon Jul 16 12:38:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zdihf/cravings/
---
I want a BLT so bad right now. Not even an awful greasy one from a restaurant. I want to get the stuff at the store to make my own and I know that can't be THAT high in calories because I'm so careful about portions and weighing food. But I just broke 156, that's 4 pounds in a week I've gone down, and I don't want to lose that.

Fuckdiddly I hate my stupid brain. I just took a gabapentin and an antidepressant so maybe it'll calm me down enough to decide to go for it.

---

I photoshop my pictures for fun
/u/LynnShores [5'5 | CW: 150 | GW: 120 | -10lb]
Created: Mon Jul 16 12:12:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zd9q4/i_photoshop_my_pictures_for_fun/
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Does anyone else take pictures of themselves and photoshop them for fun? Like I'd never post it anywhere but I just photoshop my body to what I'd want to be ideally and just flip back and forth between that and the actual photo. When I type this out I realize that is kinda pathetic. But it kind of motivates me I guess, like a goal. Anyone else?

---

[Other] Any suggestions for anorexia documentaries
/u/lilqueenheartz
Created: Mon Jul 16 12:01:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zd68j/any_suggestions_for_anorexia_documentaries/
---
I'm in the mood but all the ones that pop up on YouTube are the ones I've seen before.

---

I fucking hate doctors
/u/idkhowtoeatwhoops
Created: Mon Jul 16 11:36:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcy4z/i_fucking_hate_doctors/
---
Throwaway / new “just for mental illness Reddit’s” lol

Anyways I suffer from EDNOS with a strong leaning towards bed.

I’ve been in IOP and general therapy meds etc for the last 6 months. Slow and steady. I figured that I gained some weight (I don’t weigh) but all my clothes fit.

I went to the GP today because I was concerned about some weird feeling breast tissue and she flat out said “honestly the changes are from your significant weight gain”


Fucking. A.

I knew I gained weight and was okish but having it medically confirmed that it was significant to comment on just set me over the edge. I start having a panic attack and she tells me to “just stop” I still don’t know the number but I think I’m going to weigh tonight . I know it’s bad but it’s time to relapse into restriction bitches!

So I will be shopping for a more sympathetic doctor and also adding another two hours of cardio and weights every day. In the mean time someone please come over to my house and fucking murder me.

---

[Help] Do I have body dysmorphia?
/u/BarrysGun
Created: Mon Jul 16 11:31:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcw93/do_i_have_body_dysmorphia/
---
These are my current measurements.

Height: 4ft 9 inches

Weight: 5st 13lbs

Bust: 33.5 inches

Waist: 25 inches

Hips: 34 inches

I’m a super short and skinny hourglass. I’ve been bigger of course, many inches bigger. I used to have a 38 inch bust, 29.5 inch waist and 38 inch hips, and I’ve always thought that my curvaceous proportions were too heavy for my child sized hands, feet, arms and legs. I stand about as tall as a 12 year old and, as such, possessing a large bust and hips made me look like a hyper sexual child rather than like a sexy woman. Hourglass figures look better on those who are at least 5ft 2 but when you are not even 5ft…c’mon. I’m just 4ft 9! I hated the fact that my bodily proportions did not compliment my height. I looked so heavy, busty and hip-y.

Women’s clothes never look right on me. The sleeves are so long as to flop over my hands. The hems of skirts and jeans are 6-7 inches too long. Even clothes from the petite range are 3-4 inches too long for me. The clothes which actually fit my arms and legs are made for girls of age 12 or 13, except my bust, waist and hips were far too big to ever allow me to put on these small clothes. Do you see the problem here? I did.

I lost a substantial amount of weight, thus losing 4 inches from my hips and 4.5 inches from my waist and bust, because I wanted to minimise the curvaceous look of my body, though an hourglass shaped body always seems to look like an hourglass shape no matter how many inches you lose from the bust, waist and hips. Even at a very lean size my body is still the essence of female sexuality. Guess I can’t help it. I’m just a thinner version now. My shoulders and hips are equal. My bust and hips are almost equal. My torso is short.

My 33.5 inch bust and 34 inch hips can make me seem fatter than I am especially in clothes, although my arms, legs, wrists, thighs and collarbones are definitely thin. My belly and bottom are flat. At times, I still feel big or broad and wish to be thinner or slenderer. Are there other short/very short women who dislike how their curvaceous proportions look on them?

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else just wander around stores looking at food you wish you could eat?
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Mon Jul 16 11:26:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcusg/does_anyone_else_just_wander_around_stores/
---
Ugh, I was bored so I walked around Walmart for 1/2 an hour today just looking at the food I wish I could bring myself to eat. I would pick something up, say it’ll be a treat for myself, only to end up putting it back on the shelf. I left the store empty handed and wishing I could just be normal. Then I ended up binging on a cheeseburger meal from Burger King. Ffs...why am I like this 😭

---

[Discussion] does anyone else care more about their image than the scale?
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Mon Jul 16 11:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcpbn/does_anyone_else_care_more_about_their_image_than/
---
Not saying idc what the scales says (its probably my #1 I developed an ed 😂) but what fuels me even more is how I want to look rather than my actual weight. I’m now 11lbs down of my SW and I’m so proud of myself. There’s just something so motivating about staying in control of my urges

---

Exercises
/u/jadewillowx
Created: Mon Jul 16 11:06:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcoab/exercises/
---
hey people, I’m looking for a set of exercises I can do in my room, preferably reasonably quietly. That burn off 100ish calories. Just as something to do at the end of the day. Pls hmu with some recommendations

Thanks!

---

[Discussion] i’m really happy with myself
/u/impractically-me
Created: Mon Jul 16 11:04:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcnm9/im_really_happy_with_myself/
---
i’ve lost almost 3 pounds in the past five days. i’m really happy about this.

---

[Rant/Rave] i'm a bad friend
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 putridaffection]
Created: Mon Jul 16 10:39:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcfh5/im_a_bad_friend/
---
every day i ask my best friend what she ate for different meals because when she tells me i can pretend i ate it too. sometimes i even feel like i can taste it. this morning she said she had an everything bagel with chive and onion cream cheese and i swear to god it was like i was there eating it too. meanwhile i'm here drinking a monster zero and literally punching myself in the stomach so i can pretend i'm not hungry, no sir

i feel like a good friend wouldn't use their friends to fuel their ED but what the hell do i know about being a functional person

---

[Discussion] What are some of your go-to (non-sparkling or soda) drinks?
/u/efflorescence-n [5'10 | 21F 🌸💖✨]
Created: Mon Jul 16 10:36:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcehm/what_are_some_of_your_goto_nonsparkling_or_soda/
---
Title.

I recently got into Hint water which is basically fruit-infused water and holy moly is it so good and has no calories!!!! or sweeteners!!!! ahh. (。♥‿♥。)

---

[Discussion] What caused you to go from disordered eating habits to an ED?
/u/whitechocolateonly
Created: Mon Jul 16 10:23:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zcal1/what_caused_you_to_go_from_disordered_eating/
---
Hello\~ I've been lurking for a LONG time and finally decided to make an account and post here.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently and I realized going to college was a huge trigger for me. Throughout high school I developed disordered eating habits and body dysmorphia. While I maintained a weight of \~140-145 throughout high school, I had a horrible body image and -1000 self esteem. Everything just got 1000x worse in college.

I've recently graduated from a very prestigious university where nearly everyone was in the top 10&#37; of their high school class, if not literally ranked in the top 10 of their class. I went from being constantly recognized academically in high school to being surrounded by people who were just as smart as me, if not smarter. It was a very competitive environment and I struggled a lot emotionally. To add to this, my university was predominantly white with only a tiny percentage of black POC. Even in my major was the only black girl. All of this only fueled feelings of inadequacy. I had gone to predominantly white schools most of my schooling but my university was very segregated and I experienced a lot of direct racism for the first time in my life while there. It was emotionally draining.

This only area where I ever felt nearly equal to my peers was in my looks. A majority of the student body is fit/thin (especially the girls) and nearly everyone works out. I think I saw less than ten obese students in four years out of THOUSANDS of students and faculty. Yes I was black but I had a body was nearly the same to many of peers, and I felt that the only way I could be truly equal to them was by losing weight and getting very thin. If I was as thin as my white classmates, then people would like me and respect me. Irrational, but those were my feelings. And its college, so I could restrict and work out as much as I wanted and no one would notice.

TL;DR: Feelings of inadequacy after years of praise was piled onto existing self-hate and has lead to years of restrictive eating.

So, how did your habits become a full blown ED?

---

Sitting in my car about to c/s some McDonalds..
/u/exmorbidly
Created: Mon Jul 16 10:05:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zc4o5/sitting_in_my_car_about_to_cs_some_mcdonalds/
---
And "Hunger" by Florence and the Machine comes on, lol. I just smirked and dove in. *shrug*

While I'm on the subject, does anyone else feel like c/s isn't really that big of a deal? I usually swallow a couple bites so my stomach doesn't get pissed off. And I only do it for lunch, I eat a normal dinner at home. It helps with my food anxiety a ton. But I have BED, which might make things different.

---

For the first time in a while, I have a strong urge to restrict.
/u/kpatable [5'9.5" | 134 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 10:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zc32g/for_the_first_time_in_a_while_i_have_a_strong/
---
I've been working on recovering for the past year, and I've had success with it even though I haven't been working with a dietician or a "team" or whatever. The progress is slow, but it's definitely significant. But last night the urge to restrict hit me hard... I'm sure it's connected to my depression getting worse recently. Because I'm craving how valid restriction makes me feel. And because I'm feeling slightly suicidal underneath everything... u\_\_u

Yes, I will definitely tell my therapist about this.

I know I shouldn't restrict. But I really don't care. Of course I'll probably do it for a day and then go back to normal since I have EDNOS, not AN. Whatever.

---

Hate my huge lower half
/u/happygirl1432
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:56:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zc255/hate_my_huge_lower_half/
---
So I'm an average height college student (girl). I have your 'ideal' tiny waist (like 23 inches) and big hips and butt. Now I kinda get why guys are attracted to my body, but I hate it!! I can't wear skinny jeans, feel huge in a bikini, and any weight I gain always collects in my hips and thighs first. Any tips on how to slim down my lower half, without making my upper half any smaller?? Thanks!!

---

[Tip] Lose It Premium On Sale
/u/lectisternium
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:39:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbwzi/lose_it_premium_on_sale/
---
Lose It Premium is currently $29.99 a year, $10 off its usual price. Not sure how long this will last but it made me bit the bullet and get it.

---

[Rant/Rave] A huge factor to my ED
/u/eloana12
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:28:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbtiq/a_huge_factor_to_my_ed/
---
I'm aware it's not fair to put all the blame on my abusive ex for this. Nevertheless, he was certainly a huge reason to why I started starving myself.

Last year February, our relationship turned sour when he cheated on me. It made me feel like I wasn't enough. It's funny, looking back I can see that he was extremely insecure, especially about me cheating, and it was him projecting. The girl he cheated on me with was tiny. I was already fairly small at that point (5'5, 115) but this made me decide it wasn't good enough.

Stupid me. We got back together, he made promises he didn't keep and we were constantly fighting. There was simply 0 trust. He didn't trust me to begin with, and now I didn't trust him.

When March comes, he notices my odd eating behaviours, the restricting, the perpetual melancholy. We talk about it (he puts me in a position I couldn't get out of) and I 'fess up. The look on his face looked genuinely distressed when he heard me say it. His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me into a suffocating hug, saying he'd help me and would never leave. I didn't tell him what made me feel this way. It would've crushed him, I think.

It's April now, we're back at his place. He wants to go get food, but I decline. My weight's dropped quite a bit and he could tell. His voice rises and he insists that he'll pay for me, but my voice stays insistent too. I don't want food. "What did you eat for lunch?" It's a dumb question, he knew the answer.

"Nothing."

"You need food, babe."

"No, it's okay, I'm not hungry."

We go back and forth, until he reaches a a breaking point. Usually, the first person to reach a breaking point in a fight loses, but with him, he can never lose. I lost this fight.

Heatedly, he grabs my shoulders and pins me onto the bed, this was the first time but it wasn't the last. Tears began to form and I quiver under his big, strong hands. His eyes reveals his temper. He screams at my face 'Why the fuck can't you just eat?' My hands stayed immovable, I just wanted to cover my face. Ugly sobs escape me, yet I commiserated with his exasperation. I was difficult, especially with food. I'm sorry. It's my fault.

Sorry for the long rant, it's just a memory that was stuck to me today. Had to get it off my chest, then I realised he was definitely a prime factor in my ED escalating. It's been just over a year since we broke up, I'm definitely in a better place right now that last year.

---

[Discussion] How often do you weigh yourself?
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:25:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbsw0/how_often_do_you_weigh_yourself/
---
I tend to weigh myself almost everyday. In the past when I've lost weight I tend to go straight down but now I'm up and down, and while I'm trending down, it's definitely freaking me out. I see now why people suggest only weighing once a week.

Do you fluctuate a lot day to day? And how often do you weigh yourself?

---

[Other] Today I made a 140 cal bowl of Mac n cheese:)
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:19:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbr6a/today_i_made_a_140_cal_bowl_of_mac_n_cheese/
---
https://i.redd.it/rpwseejquba11.jpg

---

Being called skinny is pure ED FUEL
/u/OFPalways
Created: Mon Jul 16 09:04:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbmmj/being_called_skinny_is_pure_ed_fuel/
---
I hate it and I love it. Why am I like this???

---

New Mod Applications
/u/woollyshirt [non binary wizard]
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:50:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbiie/new_mod_applications/
---
Hello lovely people! This had been on the cards for some time (and is why u/fuckthislol has been modded! Hooray!) but we definitely do need new mods, and for the first time in the history of this sub, we're going to have it done by application.

We are looking for friendly people to join us in making this a safe and inclusive space, and know that having people with a range of experiences is really useful in making that happen. We need you to understand the rules of the space and to be willing to help enforce them - though don't worry! We can help you get to grips with moderating. We aren't too fussed about if you have previous mod experience, or if you have commented on every post on here ever, but we would like subreddit mods to be adults and to have absolutely zero tolerance for bigotry - no racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism allowed, or this space would not be what it is.

So, if you are still interested, **please send a modmail to r/proEDmods with your answers to the following:**

1) Tell us about yourself! Whatever it is that you want us to know - your age, timezone, what is important to you, hobbies, favourite animal, whatever it is you think we should know.

2) What is your experience with disordered eating? (We ask so we can look to add people with different perspectives)

3) Why do you think you'd be a good moderator?

After the 30th July, we won't consider any new applications, and we'll announce the new moderators.

If anything here is unclear, please let us know below and we'll get back to you :)

---

[Help] Gained 7 lbs from 3 days of bingeing...
/u/strawberrybubblegam
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:45:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbh5t/gained_7_lbs_from_3_days_of_bingeing/
---
I also added 2 inches to my waistline as if this morning. Logically I know some of this weight must be coming from food/water weight, but is it possible I gained any permanent fat? I’m going back to my low restriction routine today, but I’m wondering how long it’ll be until I lose those stupid 6 pounds. Please help!!

---

When you guys binge, do you do low calorie food or just whatever you can?
/u/EDthrowaway343
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:28:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbcbp/when_you_guys_binge_do_you_do_low_calorie_food_or/
---
When I go for a ton of food, I almost always go for absolutely atrocious amounts of salad.

I know I can eat essentially as much as physically possible and still face zero weight gain.

My ex used to order big gross pizzas and tons of fast food and shit. I never understood why she didn't get salads.

Am I weird?

---

This seems really useful.
/u/KMH039
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:27:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zbc7r/this_seems_really_useful/
---
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2279247062294386&id=1441017186117382

---

[Help] How can I hide my ED from my parents?
/u/superficialsadness
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:11:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zb7vw/how_can_i_hide_my_ed_from_my_parents/
---
Hi all.

I was wondering if there are any tips to hide anorexia from my parents? I live at home (Im only 14). They’ve been noticing lately that I don’t really eat. They ask me like if I ate breakfast and ask me all the time what I had for breakfast or for lunch. I really don’t want them to be involved with this because I know they won’t handle it well.

So does anyone have any tips to hide it? To make it look less suspicious? Thank you for the time

---

[Rant/Rave] A bit of happy word vomit. [RAVE]
/u/lyhndzie [5'5"|HW: 170|CW: eww|UGW: 98| F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 08:02:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zb5dn/a_bit_of_happy_word_vomit_rave/
---
So I’m doing this thing where I only weigh myself once a month (on the 21st). It’s been really hard but it is helping me stay on track, and I am noticing some good changes on my appearance!

One of my goals was to see my ribs. I am starting to see the outline and I am so exited! I can even see a few individual ribs if I suck in! Without even knowing what I weigh exactly, I can see good changes are happening!!

I am also finally to the point where I feel comfortable wearing baggy shirts! This may sound odd, but I’ve always worn skin-tight shirts, making me painfully aware of how I looked at all times. I’ve always felt like, because my thighs are on the larger side, baggy shirts don’t make me look good because my lower half still looks large and I just look large all together. But I’m currently wearing a pair of leggings and my husband’s size L t-shirt, and I feel great!

I went shopping at a flea market yesterday. Last time I bought pants from this certain shop, I bought size XL jeans. The leggings I’m wearing right now are from that shop, and are a size S!! And that’s in Chinese sizes!! I am now the same size as the mannequin that was advertising them, which has always looked so much smaller and daintier than I ever thought I could be! (Leave it to me to compare myself to a chunk of plastic, but whatever)

I finally feel like I’m moving in the right direction. After months of losing control and binging on everything in sight, this feels really good, and I’m going to ride this high all the way down to my GW! I’ll update my flair on the 21st when I weigh myself for the first time in a month!!

---

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by a visit to my mother
/u/Singrgrl14 [5’7” | CW 245 | UGW 115 | BMI 38.24 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 07:59:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zb4fd/triggered_by_a_visit_to_my_mother/
---
So this past weekend I went to visit my mom. It was bad enough that I had to eat, and on top of that I couldn’t even eat anything healthy because we went to a family gathering and all they had was super high calorie food. I couldn’t get by fasting all day either, she and my boyfriend would have noticed.

The worst part, though, was at the end right before I left. My mom started keto about a year ago because she was pre-diabetic, so she’s lost a ton of weight. That’s already pretty triggering because now I’m bigger than her but that’s not the worst of it. Because of that, she has to get rid of her big clothes. She gave them to me.

And they fit.

I know I’m fat, I’m a disgustingly obese ball of lard, but now I feel like I have to stop eating entirely. I’ve even been wanting to purge what I do eat, which I’ve never done before, but I’m scared I’ll get caught.

I don’t know, you guys. I just feel so disgusting and worthless. No matter how many times my boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful, I feel like he’s lying to make me feel better.

He knows I have a history of disordered eating, but he hasn’t noticed me slipping into it again. He just sees it as me being serious about a new diet. And I keep telling myself that it’s not that he doesn’t notice, it’s that he pretends not to because he wants me to lose weight. I know it’s not true and I’m being ridiculous but I can’t stop thinking it.

So anyway how’s your Monday?

---

Feeling awful. Was definitely being judged by the barista this morning.
/u/ghost_khajiit
Created: Mon Jul 16 07:23:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zavll/feeling_awful_was_definitely_being_judged_by_the/
---
My boyfriend swung through Starbucks this morning and I didn't have time to think about what I wanted, so I just pulled up the first drink that looked tasty from The Macro Barista's Instagram feed and went with that.


You guys.....even over the speaker, I could hear he was annoyed. He kind of sarcastically said, "Well, the drink is supposed to taste like XX, but I guess if you want it like XX then ok." I felt *awful*. I felt stupid for making modifications to the coffee, I felt guilty for making it more complicated than necessary, and I felt embarrassed that I was basically called out on it. I know baristas are trained at their craft and I appreciate that, but I just wanted something low-calorie and tasty enough to get me through my Monday morning and now I can barely drink it and I'm sad.

Thank you for listening to my pathetic coffee rant.

---

[Tip] [Tip] Something that has helped me through the struggle of binge eating
/u/pailblusea [5'6.5"| CW 126.8 | BMI 20.5 | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 07:22:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zav6n/tip_something_that_has_helped_me_through_the/
---
On mobile, can't flair.

So I struggle hugely with the binge/restrict cycle and it stresses me out to the point of tears. I can handle restricting some days but other days I am so hungry it hurts and all I can do is eat more than I intended. I feel like a failure and worse about myself so I just figure my day is now ruined and I must binge because I hate myself.

Without even realizing it I am getting better about my binges. They are getting smaller in frequency and calories. I noticed this since I stopped tracking success by the day and moved it to by the week. I forced myself to log every calorie even when I binge and record my intake for the day and I record my calorie output (I have a fitness watch to give me an estimate).

My daily calorie burn depending on how active I am (some days over 2 hours of high intensity cardio alone + being on the go all day) leaves me a TDEE between 1800-3000 calories. Lately I eat between 800-1400 calories a day but my binge days have gone up to 10000 calories. They are automatically reducing themselves now to my last one being 3400 calories with me consciously telling myself to STOP. Each binge is easier for me to control now.

I set my calorie intake goal for the entire WEEK at 14000 calories (2000/day) and my total calorie output each week has been approximately 18000 calories...it leaves me a comfortable one lb a week loss. So some days I am just not hungry...1200 calories satisfies me. Or maybe just 800. If the next day I am stressed and need some junk food, I can eat it and know I am OKAY, it's NOT a loss I went over because when the week ends my total calories are still under 14000. I WILL still lose weight and I am in control.

We're all different but maybe this will help someone else out there who struggles with restricting and binging. Don't focus on one bad day anymore, move on to the next and keep going with your goals. ❤️

---

I hate the yo-yoing
/u/oceanblue10 [5'9''| 175| 24.66|UGW:110 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 06:45:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zalur/i_hate_the_yoyoing/
---
The constant fluctuations in weight due to fasting/restricting/binging. Lose 10 pounds, gain back that 10 pounds. Continue to bounce back and forth for months. It's just the worst! Sorry. Just needed to vent.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! July 16, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jul 16 06:14:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zaeni/weekly_stats_update_july_16_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for July 16, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 16, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jul 16 06:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8zaemk/daily_food_diary_july_16_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 16, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

pro tip
/u/Sgt_rumble
Created: Mon Jul 16 05:51:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8za9ej/pro_tip/
---
alcohol=0 calories


I promise ;)

---

How do you guys manage working a 9-5 while not eating?
/u/PMMECUTEASIANDUDES
Created: Mon Jul 16 05:37:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8za6hc/how_do_you_guys_manage_working_a_95_while_not/
---
Title. Can you manage working an office job and fasting for days? I feel like whenever I try I am so dumb and my attention span sucks.

---

DAE not taste real sugar anymore?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Mon Jul 16 05:29:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8za4pv/dae_not_taste_real_sugar_anymore/
---
So I bought some new teas to try and planned to have them with 5g of real sugar and a dash of milk to see what their 'real' flavour is like, not falsened by any artificial tastes. So I tought. I can't, for the life of mine, detect a slight hint of sweetness from real sugar unless it's much more than I want (40 calories already wasted for those two cups of tea!). Put some sweetener in it and then, the actual flavour came out like I wanted it (yes, with a sweetener aftertaste that I don't like, but alas, better than 50 cals for sugar or so!). I know people can train themselves to get used to less sweetness and I did that in the last months, but when I want a real indulgence, it has to be properly sweet :/

---

Fasting/GI rest
/u/Anathrow2
Created: Mon Jul 16 04:53:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9xln/fastinggi_rest/
---
I need to try and get some space in my head. I suffer from BED/Bulimia.

I'm getting lots of stomach pain, dyspepsia etc which I'm pretty sure is from all the distress I'm putting myself under. I want to give my gut a rest for a day or two. Ideally I'd like to stretch it for a week but I'm not really sure how I will go. The times I've been hospitalised and needed to give my gut a rest, I've been put on a special diet that included pretty much clear foods. So broth, light coloured jello etc.

My plan is to stick to broth and sugar free jello and sugar free Gatorade.

I'm hoping it will give my gut a rest and also my head too. I have no idea if I will be able to stick with it, but maybe if I give myself permission to binge at the end I'll be able to get through it?
I just need a break from obsessing over every little food related thing.

Has anyone else done anything like this?

---

[Help] Can you restrict while minimizing its affects on your hair?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 04:48:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9wih/can_you_restrict_while_minimizing_its_affects_on/
---
I’ve been restricting plus wanting to do an extended fast for a while, but unfortunately had a bad bleach job happen and so I’m desperately trying to grow it back.

I’m scared of giving up restricting/fasting, but I’m also scared of it slowing or stopping my hair growth and having this bad hair on top of my head for ages. It will already take me a year to grow it short enough to cut short, and I’m afraid restricting might make that even slower.

I already have issues with my body, but hair was something I at least didn’t hate, and now that it is kind of ruin I’m really eager to grow it out. Though I can’t fathom giving up restricting either. I’ve been taking vitamins that I don’t think will make a huge difference but it’s something I guess.

So does anyone’s hair grow ok while restricting? Like I said I’ve been planning on doing a fast and now I’m slightly concerned about starting it bc I’m afraid my hair will fall out even more. If anyone has advice on this I would love to hear it. I’ve had olaplex and pretty much all the treatments I can do on it, but it’s too fragile to re dye or do anything else to, so I’m having to grow it out.

---

my boyfriend has decided that he and i should go on a break. I’ve not eaten since he told me
/u/tartansheep [5'9.5|23.61 | 166lb|-1lb| GW:115lb]
Created: Mon Jul 16 04:07:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9oto/my_boyfriend_has_decided_that_he_and_i_should_go/
---
He is away for three months and we are three months in and for his mental health we are taking a break. No idea what this means. Very upset.

But since he told me I’ve not eaten a thing and before that I only had coffee yesterday. No solid food since Saturday.

I am 158lb today (disgusting) so I seem to finally finally be losing weight. Gonna try to hide it because I don’t want him to think I am manipulating him? But...

Well. He says he loves me and he wants to be with me and he still wants to talk to me ..? So I don’t understand at all.

He is back in mid September. I have two months to lose as much weight as possible (158lb and I am 5’9)

I hope I can get to at least 140lb. Hopefully lower.

---

I absolutely hate my body
/u/DrRobotniksMachine
Created: Mon Jul 16 03:50:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9llj/i_absolutely_hate_my_body/
---
After a couple of years of being on a plethora of different meds I've gained about 20kgs. It's awful and I hate myself for it.

My boyfriend saw a pic of me before the recent gain, when I was a bmi of 18, and he said "wow you look so different when you're small'

Urgh I can't stop thinking about it. I recently started purging again and then stopped because I didn't want to go back down that path. But his comment is rattling in my head and I just want to chop all the disgusting fat off my body.

I'm so depressed. I'm binging like crazy. I don't want to become obsessed with this again, but I kind of do because I hate the status quo

---

[Rant/Rave] I’m so tired you guys.
/u/kaplazzle
Created: Mon Jul 16 03:35:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9j4n/im_so_tired_you_guys/
---
I barely slept and leave for work in an hour roughly, and I want to call out but it’s too late now plus I got sick two months ago. I’m also trying to restrict to 900 this week but I’m so freaking sleepy. Andddd I had a bunch of food yesterday, including Korean so I know I’m about to be sad af when I weigh today. Aside from that I’ve been exhausted for weeks and like..where are the results. I feel so frustrated and tired and hate myself but also do i want to be small or not? 🙃 why am I like this

Sn: if any of you have peach, add me: kaplazzle

---

I’ve gone from bulimia, to anorexia, then bulimia again.... and now I think have BED. FML.
/u/sierraivy
Created: Mon Jul 16 03:31:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9id8/ive_gone_from_bulimia_to_anorexia_then_bulimia/
---
Guys help.

I’ve become what I always feared... an OBJECTIVELY fat monster that can’t stop shovelling food into my mouth. It’s obscene.

I can’t stop. I really can’t. I don’t recognise myself in the mirror anymore. I’ve stopped leaving the house, except for work (thank the Lord that I get to wear scrubs at work.... those bad boys can hide a LOT). I cancel all my social engagements.

I’ve just had 5 days off work, and all I did was eat. I didn’t leave the house - I just ordered Uber eats over and over again.

You know how in hospital they all tell you “oh, you won’t get fat in recovery I PROMISE”. Hah. Well I certainly proved them wrong!!!

Has anyone else gone from anorexia/bulimia to.... this? I feel like such a fat fucking failure. If I have to have disordered eating, why does it have to be THIS??

---

[Rant/Rave] Feel like a burden but at least my thigh gap is coming back 🙃
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5 ft 4| 121lb| 20.71 | Not Enough | Nonbinary]
Created: Mon Jul 16 02:14:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z957p/feel_like_a_burden_but_at_least_my_thigh_gap_is/
---
I've been very emotionally not stable to the point I've been taking my girlfriend's jokes about my laptop as serious and her being annoyed at my constant apologies as her hating me. I've also self harmed because it feels like she's starting to distance herself from me and won't let me in so as a result I'm reluctant to let her see me sad or tell her that I'm relapsing/don't really wanna recover anymore.

I'm currently living in baggy leggings and tank tops (sizes 6-8 stretch cami's from Primark represent!) And I noticed yesterday when I stand the tops of my thighs no longer touch and when I lie down my stomach no longer bulges above my ribcage. I've been working 5-6 days a week which probably helps combined with not eating on my breaks is probably helping, my scale isn't showing any weight loss though :/.

I'm scared of losing my girlfriend because of my recent emotional instablity even though I know she loves me and this is just a bump in the road. Combined with the fact my dad might lose his job because someone lied about him bullying people into not taking overtime I feel a bit like everything is crashing down. My food scale also broke so I need to get a new one before I eat breakfast but I don't wanna move I just wanna cry.

I'm sorry this isn't super relevant mods, feel free to delete it if it's against the rules.

---

Hi, I'm ready to admit I have a disorder, but I'm not ready to recover.
/u/tcs_hearts
Created: Mon Jul 16 02:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z953a/hi_im_ready_to_admit_i_have_a_disorder_but_im_not/
---
Hi. I'm not sure if this is exactly where I should post this, but this is the only community I saw that I felt at all comfortable coming to.

I won't go to deep into the details, but last year I stopped eating and started trying to cut my calorie intake down to as low as possible, drinking water and obsessively chewing gum and tictacs. My friends and partner found out, because of course, and have been trying to force me to eat. I hate it and feel absolutely miserable.

I'm not ready to recover, it doesn't feel good and I don't feel mentally prepared. Everybody in my life forces me to check in, to eat in front of them and if I tell them I'm not ready, they just tell me too bad. I know they have my best interest at heart, but, god it just feels like so much pressure and it makes me miserable.

How do I talk to them? How do I tell them I'm not ready? I know they aren't going to let me just not eat, but it hurts when they try to force full meals on me 3 times a day.

Also, I could just really, really use someone to talk to. I feel alone and like nobody understands what I mean. I would just really like to connect with a community.

Again, I'm sorry if I put this in the wrong place.

Thanks.

---

[Discussion] Starving yourself because you think that’s the only way people will care about you and give you attention- if you look bad enough. What will it take for them to reach out?! How much longer will we face this mental torture?
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Mon Jul 16 02:08:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z9469/starving_yourself_because_you_think_thats_the/
---
Behind an ED.

---

[Goal] Having food at home is great!
/u/kein0815
Created: Mon Jul 16 01:53:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z91da/having_food_at_home_is_great/
---
Tagging this as goal bc it kind of is.


So exactly one week ago I starting to recover from binge eating. I had the worst binge the Sunday before; I was so full I couldn’t even drink water anymore and almost threw up (as I’m incredibly scared of vomiting this was super bad for me).


So I pinned my main problem down on only focusing on calories and not on nutrition. I sat down and made a meal plan for the week and I went grocery shopping to get the food.


For the weekend I was away and I came back yesterday night - thinking I only have pasta left to eat. I opened my fridge and cupboards to discover I also have watermelon, oats, cucumber, tomatoes and tomato sauce!
I can’t remember the last time I was home at Sunday and had food at home!


However my kitchen turned out not to be usable because there water coming down from the ceiling. But I still could eat. I’m kind of happy about my progress!


Also I haven’t binged for a week. I overate for sure and had a drink indulgence but everything stayed within a normal amount of food.

(Sorry this doesn’t go along well with most other posts but I wanted to share.)

---

[Rant/Rave] I can’t stop eating
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Mon Jul 16 01:34:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8y9a/i_cant_stop_eating/
---
I need to put this out there. No one is real life understands. I’ve binged for the last 4 days straight. Finally got the nerve to weigh myself and I’m up 5 kg. How is that even possible? That’s like 4 months of restricting gone in less than a week. I keep trying to go back to restricting but my mind goes, ohh well u have already fucked up. Might as well eat another 3 chocolate bars. I am just so depressed and full of self hate.

---

[Rant/Rave] super long rant....
/u/cinnamonpatt
Created: Mon Jul 16 01:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8u9r/super_long_rant/
---
so, here’s the deal. i’ve had a ED since i was 11, i am still young but that was a few years ago. Recently in april i relapsed. My ED is that i purge everything i eat so i lose a lot of weight, and my parents knew that i had bulimia (i call it) when i was 11, so when i started getting very skinny they suspected. sometime in may they finally caught me. i begged them not to make me go to therapy and they didn’t say anything about it, but kept a eye on me, like making sure i wouldn’t go to the restroom after meals, things like that. Well, i found a way to purge even then , and got SKINNIER. This time they said i have to, however i still found ways to purge regardless. i also thought i wouldn’t need to go to therapy. They found the toilet filthy and got mad and frustrated that i threw up what little i had in my stomach that day. They told me i had to go to therapy.
i find it very hard to talk to my mom and parents about my problems which is why i never told them in the first place and they need to find everything out for themselves. Not only that, but i HATE therapy. i had to go only one time (for the same reason) and i absolutely despised it. (now that i look back at it now though, i think it was just the therapist.)
one day i feel brave enough to ask my mother about weather or not i would go to therapy. she responded with “do you think you need it?”
i felt to embarrassed and shy to say i do and i still struggle, when she said “i assume you still do it, even when we think you don’t, you still find a way huh?”
long convo short we decided i would go.
the next day i wake up and she tells me she found a group i could go and she would look into it.
a few days later i get no word of it so deciding again to gather up all the courage and push away any embarrassment i had, i asked “so uh...i’ve been meaning to ask if i am actually going to that group.”
well, the reaction wasn’t what i hoped for. she does “Why? Do you WANT to go? this is the second time you’ve asked me.”
i almost cried and it made me wish i didn’t say anything in the first place. i weakly defend myself saying “It’s just you haven’t been telling me anything...”
another long convo short she tells me my dad has no job which means no money which means no group rn.
i hate actually asking for help and reaching out, i’m very secretive, embarrassed, and closed off about how i feel, which makes it hard for me to know what exactly is going on with me. it makes me scared.
what else makes me scared is that by the time my dad finds a job my mother is gonna assume that i got over my ED and not push recovery. and i DEFENANTLY am NOT going to ask for it. nonono, i can’t do that, no matter how many times she tells me “your so secretive please you have to tell me things!” and no matter how many times everyone tells me “you have to be open blah blah” it just makes me feel embarrassed.
i already know this is going to end badly. i have marching band soon, and i fear that all the exercise and not enough food is gonna make me like FAINT or shit, because i genuinely am too scared to keep food in my stomach sometimes unless it’s a “special day” or something and even then i pull myself down. what’s life come to honestly kms.

---

[Rant/Rave] I just drank a liter of diet Dr.Pepper
/u/jackolantern_hat [5'9.5" | CW:150 | BMI:21.75 | 21F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 01:08:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8tn5/i_just_drank_a_liter_of_diet_drpepper/
---
I just drank an entire liter of the zero calorie Dr.Pepper to make my hunger go away thinking I'd be up for a few more hours working. Nope, found out the internet is down till tomorrow (I'm on my phone's internet) so I can't even work......Like now I can't sleep and I feel like the meme of the skeleton sitting in the wheelchair super caffeinated 😂

---

[Help] Broke into the 120’s, now excessive worrying
/u/cloudsofdawn [169cm - 5'6.5' | CW: 119.9lbs | 19.1 BMI | -23lbs | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 00:44:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8p54/broke_into_the_120s_now_excessive_worrying/
---
I finally broke into the 120’s! Today I was at 128.1 (wet hair) and yesterday I was at 127.4 . I need to lose a significant amount more before August 22, because that’s when my best friend is visiting from the states and I want to look my best to do the things we planned.

I ate today and yesterday a fair amount and I also had to take restoralax because I haven’t gone in a few days, so I’m getting nervous about having another cramping and awful toilet session. Sorry for the TMI

I want to water fast but I’m on a few drugs rn that I’m worried about fasting with (stomach might hurt) and I also have been feeling more sick and weak when I fast. I might get some favour drops with electrolytes in them to help.

Right now I just need some support. I’m so worried about going up on the scale or not losing weight fast enough and I really need to stay on track and not veer off. I’m just so nervous.

---

binge sadness :—((
/u/gothgf_
Created: Mon Jul 16 00:36:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8nmf/binge_sadness/
---
lmao hey it’s my first post in reddit history and i was wondering what you guys do when you feel shitty after a binge and you can’t purge?
i can’t purge as i can’t do i quietly and my family members would hear

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[Help] Question about you guys with a dream weight (I do not have an ED)
/u/janoosch
Created: Mon Jul 16 00:29:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8mhd/question_about_you_guys_with_a_dream_weight_i_do/
---
Hello there,

I hope it is acceptable/allowed for people without an eating disorder to ask questions here. :) I am - for whatever reason - extremly interested in the topic of eating disorders and want to learn more about it and the way you, who suffer from it, think.

So, I read many posts in this subreddit and something that often comes up is the idea of a "Goal weight", which leads me to my question to all those that have reached their goal weight: what do you do, after you reached it? Do you start eating exactly the amount of calories you use, to maintain weight? Or do you reach your goal, look in the mirror and now want to lose even more weight?

Again - I hope it´s okay to ask questions. :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Lost 0.5kg after last week. Might as well go back to binging right?? Just as well my life could not be any shittier right now, my body seems to be well in tune with that!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!
/u/FoxyLady1357 [5'8| 167.5 | 24.92 | -18 | F]
Created: Mon Jul 16 00:19:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8kkw/lost_05kg_after_last_week_might_as_well_go_back/
---
https://i.redd.it/911yean869a11.jpg

---

can't weigh myself and im panicking
/u/BackgroundHole [5'5" // HW 135 // CW 120 // GW 105 // F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 23:36:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8cjw/cant_weigh_myself_and_im_panicking/
---
im on vacation for three weeks and the hotel doesnt have a scale. maybe in one of the other places im staying there will be one but the idea of being unable to know my weight for the next few weeks is sending me into a really bad place ahhhhhh fuck

---

What do you wish your parents had done differently surrounding food?
/u/imokayjustfine [5'7 | CW: 179 | GW: 115 | -158 lbs]
Created: Sun Jul 15 23:34:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8cbh/what_do_you_wish_your_parents_had_done/
---
So I've been thinking about making this post for a while...but tonight Purposely Triggering Myself On The Internet has gone a bit too far, it seems, so now feels like a fine old time because fuck it.

I am so obsessed with how I'm eating right now. I'm just constantly planning, constantly preparing, calculating and re-calculating. It takes up a whole lot of energy. It occupies so much space in my mind, I am really starting to worry about it superseding everything.

I have two kids though. Two and four. They are my entire world. They mean everything to me, without a doubt. They are my number one priority.

But I'm scared about how much this could be affecting that, quite frankly---how much this could be affecting them. I'm just. Really, really scared.

I'm terrified of them picking up on my disordered behaviors and can't stop wondering if I'm already setting them up for having fucked up relationships with food. I mean, I started addressing my binging and losing weight in the first place really primarily because I *didn't* want to be setting a shitty fucking example for them... Of course, I didn't realize I would find myself getting this Obsessed.

I don't know. I am pretty conscious of trying to feed them fairly well without assigning any moral value to foods, like I never actually refer to foods as "good" or "bad" or anything. I also try to give them the impression that I'm also eating three normal meals per day, even though I'm, uh, very much not. :/

What else should I be specifically remaining conscious of during this time, if anything? Did any of you have parents with eating disorders or parents who displayed ED behaviors? Or do you think your parents played a significant role in you developing your ED or ED behaviors?

What could your parents have done differently in that regard? What *should* they have done differently?

---

[Rant/Rave] Little Sister, I Love You but Please Stop
/u/ManicPixieBallerina
Created: Sun Jul 15 23:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z8avm/little_sister_i_love_you_but_please_stop/
---
So I ran back down to hometown to get some supplies and my hair done. The worst thing was buying pants. I couldn't fit into H&M size 4 slacks, even though I've been wearing size 2s I purchased in December, but the Small leggings fit and argh, who sizes women's clothing? Anyway. When we were checking out at another store, she asks me if my size 2 jeans from an entirely diffrent retailer used to fit looser (nope. They've always fit like they do.)


I'm trying to not let my bad habits rub off on little kids, especially since last year when the oversized oaf of a brother told my scrawny, 12 year old brother who runs and plays fairly active sports, and most importantly probably isn't producing enough hormones to put on copious amounts of muscle, needed to go on a cut (his nice, fitness branded word for restriction) in order to get gains. No I'm not making this up and he's really like this. But it's really fucking hard. These kids used to go along with the rest of the family's thing with picking apart my body and eating habits to the point I still don't like kitchens that aren't my own because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat (which started becoming a major issue when I was 15.) And most of the time they're such good kids, and I'll take on the world for them, but my god why are you like this?

---

I've started cooking food whenever I'm hungry
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 23:02:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z85nf/ive_started_cooking_food_whenever_im_hungry/
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I don't eat it, IO partition it in tupperware and label with the calorie count- I'm making food faster than I can eat it (well, allow myself to eat it). My freezer is full of soup and my fridge is full or ready made meals- Does anyone else do this? Make food to avoid eating? It's so counter intuitive.

I'm combing my pantry and fridge to figure out what I can make with what I have left

If anyone has a low calorie recipe using kalamata olives, got cheese, oreos, salsa, fiber bread, and olive oil let me know, lol

---

Wisdom teeth, actually easy?!
/u/BronArianwyn
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:49:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z83at/wisdom_teeth_actually_easy/
---
I dont even need to worry about food.

this is the easiest four days of my life. liquid diet, half of which i barely finish on top of plenty of painkillers to keep me loopy and my appetite down.

I feel so at ease. I wonder if i can keep this broth and low cal sports drink diet up once I can open my mouth fully. I still think about solid food sort of. I vaguely want to crush a few bags of ruffles and an entire pizza followed with some Chipotle but its on the back burner.

Maybe i can keep up this liquid diet after I'm healed. I might try to get a weigh in soon.

one can hope <3

---

a babble about my ideal body
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:38:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z80x1/a_babble_about_my_ideal_body/
---
It’s literally just Audrey plaza in the to do list I think when I first watched it that was the exact moment I developed my ed I know it’s so bad to idolize other people’s bodies but hers (to me) is exactly how I want to look like (my goal is by the end of the year)

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[Tip] My orthodontics help “reset” my diet
/u/idgaf417
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:36:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z80m2/my_orthodontics_help_reset_my_diet/
---
I can’t help but look forward to every 6 weeks of my braces being tightened for the help in avoiding food. I use it to get my body used to my restrictive calories again. Who wants to eat when your teeth are killing you?! Straight teeth and losing weight goals over here.
Appointment tomorrow and excuses for friends and coworkers ready! -“Sorry, can’t eat that, my teeth hurt”
Marked as a tip if anyone was thinking about braces :)

---

I don't know how much longer I can stand
/u/paavllova [🌸 5'5 • 99 lbs • 16.5 • f 🌸]
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:29:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7z8f/i_dont_know_how_much_longer_i_can_stand/
---
I just want all this to end

---

Finally back on track 😇
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:29:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7z3d/finally_back_on_track/
---
I plateaued about 3 weeks ago despite restricting hardcore (70-300c) and went absolutely nuts.I binged to get the whoosh but it didn't work so I kept binging and gained 12 pounds of water weight in 3 days. It came off so slowly that I got upset and binged several more times over the last few weeks.

I decided to start fasting again, got my period and FINALLY! the last of the water weight is gone and am on track to break the original plateau tomorrow morning!! I'm so happy! I feel like I'm finally moving on from the shitty last 3 weeks! :D

Just wanted to share my happiness! Thanks!

---

[Other] Thank you so much r/proED
/u/jaclynct
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:22:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7xmr/thank_you_so_much_rproed/
---
I just wanted to come on here and say thank you. This subreddit has helped me so much. It provided a community of such kind humans who understand each other’s struggles. It is so hard to find people who can understand without judging in the real world. I felt extremely alone until I joined r/proED. I feel like support is one click away, and for that I am incredibly grateful. 💖

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[Discussion] DAE ever feel like they are a failure if they aren’t being self destructive?
/u/cas215
Created: Sun Jul 15 22:03:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7tdq/dae_ever_feel_like_they_are_a_failure_if_they/
---
Like today I overate, So I compensated with laxatives but they aren’t working so I feel like I need to self harm. Does anyone else do this or am I totally fucked in the head?

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[Help] A man just screamed “Fat Bitch” at me from his car
/u/Doctordoomduck
Created: Sun Jul 15 21:59:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7slb/a_man_just_screamed_fat_bitch_at_me_from_his_car/
---
I don’t know what to do with this. I’ve had one slice of buttered toast, 1/2 a Hershey bar, and two 100 calorie coffees today. I’m doing the best I can. I’m 40 pounds down. I still look like a fat bitch. I was gonna have a chicken breast and some pasta for dinner, but... I don’t know if I can now.

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[Discussion] I'M BACK ON MY BULLSHIT
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Sun Jul 15 21:58:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7s9s/im_back_on_my_bullshit/
---
I've been gone from reddit for a month. I was being pretty good but I just binged so god damn hard I crave death lmaoooooo

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[Goal] Lost 50 pounds, can’t fit into any of my clothes
/u/Doctordoomduck
Created: Sun Jul 15 21:57:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7s7b/lost_50_pounds_cant_fit_into_any_of_my_clothes/
---
Today I woke up and I was thin enough that none of my pants fit me. Looking at my shirts, they are also starting to fall over my stomach in weird ways, either bunching up or looking way too loose. It’s nice that I can see progress, but on the other hand I’m sad I don’t look good my favorite outfits anymore.

Was 278, now 230. I might have to replace my whole wardrobe if I continue.

---

[Intro] Surprisingly small amount of guilt
/u/TossThisBizz
Created: Sun Jul 15 21:29:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7lzt/surprisingly_small_amount_of_guilt/
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Hey all, I’m new to this subreddit, I hope that’s ok. I’ve been lurking a while but I figured I’d try to post something since I find myself coming here literally all the time. It makes me feel kind of a sense of peace to see people going through similar things

So basically I just wanted to get this off my chest because it’s something I’m sort of proud about but I can’t really talk to anyone else about it, aside from my husband

My husband wanted pizza for dinner today and I figured “I love pizza. It’s fine, I just won’t eat anything up to dinner time” but he convinced me to eat a small-ish lunch. I ate a lean pocket. I get this mind set where I sometimes think “it’s ok, I’m going to the gym today and I’ll burn a tonne of calories so I don’t have to feel guilty for eating more than 800 calories today”. So I went to the gym with a friend, burned a tonne of calories and then came home and ate 2 slices of cheese pizza and some French fries. And I didn’t feel completely guilt ridden afterwards. Just a little guilt ridden

If anyone read this, thanks :)

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I just ate a handful of Thai chilies to suppress my appetite
/u/chezpajama
Created: Sun Jul 15 21:21:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7k30/i_just_ate_a_handful_of_thai_chilies_to_suppress/
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Figured if I couldn’t taste anything, I wouldn’t want to eat.

Would not recommend. If I didn’t eat ungodly levels of spice I’d probably be in pain right now. But mainly because it didn’t work.

So I am probably going to do to 7-11 and buy one of those cheese & peanut butter cracker things. I’m on my period and peanut butter is fucking haunting me.

---

[Discussion] What's yall's favorite gum?
/u/Myrrsha
Created: Sun Jul 15 21:15:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7iph/whats_yalls_favorite_gum/
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I'm looking for something where the flavor lasts a super long time, figured I'd get some suggestions from yall! So what is your favorite gum brand? And favorite taste?

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[LONG RANT] about my last post...
/u/NIN_88 [5'3 | SW: 128 | CW: 99 | GW:88 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 20:25:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z7721/long_rant_about_my_last_post/
---
So I'm sure some of you might have seen my last post, which got downvoted into oblivion and was percieved as very hateful, I just wanted to apologize for my angry and hateful tone. I was very angry when I wrote that post and my intention wasn't to be rude. And I'm not writing this to gain sympathy, I'm writing this to make a point: not all of us act the same under stressful situation. Some of us cry, some of us come here for a shoulder to cry on, and some of us just straight up blame (or even attack) others because of our own problems. And here's the thing: if you know someone who acts like this, aka. Raises their voice at others for no apparent reason, is always argumentative, or even straight up bullies others - verbally or physically abuses them, then there's a high chance that that person suffers as well. I know that bc I used to be a bully myself. And the biggest problem with those people is that usually their problem wasn't caused by anyone, so they feel lost because they don't have anyone to blame for their problem, so they will just go and blame innocent people. That's usually the case when a loved one dies, so they can't just blame nature or God for it, so they go and blame whoever is available. Fun fact: my biggest childhood bully was a girl whose twin sister died at a very young age. And you know, while that same girl hurt me in many ways, verbally and physically, I still think that both I, and as well the person reading this, should at least understand where that person is coming from. We are all here because we suffer, but if next time you see a person here who starts spreading anger and hate, even tho it is rude and unacceptable and SHOULD be called out, please understand that this is just their coping mechanism and still show love and sympathy.

That being said, while my tone was rude and disrespectful, I still didn't change my opinion on what I originally wanted to say in my last post. Yes, you guys were right on this: my problem weren't (and shouldn't be) the underweight ig models. My problem however, is our culture. My problem is the nature of our brains and how as humans we're easily influenced. But of course, those things are not a person and I can't blame them, right? While I can't say publicly who those ig models were, I can easily tell that they do in fact have some sort of ED, judging by their behaviour. Those girls are not healthy skinny (like a VS model), those girls had thighs smaller than an average persons bicep and 90% of their posts were pics of their body parts (chest, thighs, waist etc.) And yes, while that isn't really relevant and we shouldn't pick on them or attack them bc they're already suffering enough, I atleast wish they would understand how posting, say, an image of their very skinny thighs affects their viewers. Like it or not, everything we observe affects our way of thinking, but not always to an extreme. Here's an example: of course, it's absurd to think that any boy who plays violent video games will grow up to be a terrorist, but here's a fact: studies have shown that kids who played video games grow up to make better decisions (which makes sense, considering video games are full of those "yes or no" questions). Similarly, while not every girl who sees a skinny girl on ig will suddenly develop a full blown ED, it will still affect her image in the future. I saw my cousin, a perfectly normal, healthy weight, even well proportioned 130lb 5'6 woman in her 30's getting mad over some skinny chick in a commercial, wishing she was her, which is just absurd - and that's exactly the product of constantly seeing unhealthy thin girls in media. Honestly, I'm glad that nowadays, more and more healthy weight and healthy skinny models are being promoted.

Now back to the ig models, I'm following a girl on ig who admited that she has an ED. She has a huge ig following. She is a very pretty girl, has a BMI of 14, all of her pics are just body checks, OOTDs and the like. And you know what's the difference between her and those other ig models I was mad about in my last post? Her account isn't public. She monitors who follows her and who doesn't and I have far more respect for her than any of those models. Since she has an ED, she doesn't want any impressionable kids to see her body as beautiful because she knows as well as I do how much image can affect us and that anorexia is NOT beautiful. That's what I call responsibility.

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When youre doing the weekly shopping and youre a week into a very intense period of restricting
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Sun Jul 15 20:18:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z75i7/when_youre_doing_the_weekly_shopping_and_youre_a/
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https://i.redd.it/qwuj7nsbz7a11.jpg

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[Help] I live alone. Next week, I'll have a guest here for six days. SOS
/u/tothenineties
Created: Sun Jul 15 19:56:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z702o/i_live_alone_next_week_ill_have_a_guest_here_for/
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Living solo is amazing. I get to spend all the time I want planning and weighing my meals, nobody can judge me for having pickles for breakfast, or for fasting, or getting on the scale 10 times a day...

One of my best friends is going to be here for A WHOLE WEEK. I'm their only contact in this area, so we're going to be spending a lot of time together. Basically I'm not going to be alone. Ever.

I'm not willing to be open with them about my quirks. They have a tendency to worry and give too much advice.

My plan right now is this: Track everything as best I can in mfp after I eat, panic, be as hungry as I can for as long as I can, panic, weigh myself when I go to shower, panic, have nothing but salad when we go out, panic, weigh out and bag portions before they get here, and, yeah, keep panicking.

How do you deal with guests??

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An ED and pregnancy just don’t mix.... long post.. sorry
/u/blackbird1221
Created: Sun Jul 15 19:36:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6viy/an_ed_and_pregnancy_just_dont_mix_long_post_sorry/
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So I’ve struggled with food and my weight for a long time now.... I used to go days without eating and then binge junk food just to fill the void. More recently, I started purging after I ate anything because it was easier to just eat in social situations than try to explain why I wasn’t touching the food.

But things have changed... I found out I was pregnant in April and I’m about 4.5 months along now. I was really sick the first 10/11 weeks of my pregnancy, so I lived on chicken broth, apple sauce and ice chips. My weight actually dropped about 10lbs (which made me feel good) but according to the charts and the doctors, I am still overweight for my age and height.

Now that I’m further along in hot pregnancy, and I’m not sick all the time, I feel ravished. And I’ve gotten sucked back into this vicious cycle of where I overeat to the point that I feel disgusting and then force myself to purge everything. I know this is so unhealthy for my growing baby, and I feel unbelievably guilty. But i just can’t seem to stop. I am starting to gain weight back, which I know is “normal”, but I feel disgusting all the time.

I feel lost and completely out of control. And I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt my baby, but I can’t stop and I hate myself even more for that....

(If this post isn’t allowed, please delete it. I just needed to put this out there, because maybe someone gets it..)

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Don't know if this has been posted before but- Illustrated depiction of the whoosh!!
/u/lilyswen
Created: Sun Jul 15 19:32:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6uih/dont_know_if_this_has_been_posted_before_but/
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https://i.redd.it/mebeihl2r7a11.jpg

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[Discussion] Learning how to navigate work... any advice?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 19:31:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6u51/learning_how_to_navigate_work_any_advice/
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I mentioned on here before (I think) that I got a new job and I’m still trying to figure out how to make it ED safe. They have a huge culture of going to lunch with people and I don’t want to miss out on that since it’s a good opportunity to network, but also all of the food in the cafeteria is scary and I don’t want the people who work at the Starbucks to start judging me for ordering the same thing every day.

On a sort of related note, my work has an on-site gym which is great! But my question to you all is- how do you freshen up after the gym when you can’t take a shower? I want to take advantage of the gym but I don’t want to be gross for the drive back home. Not strictly ED relayed, but I thought you guys might have some ideas.

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Another friend started questioning my eating habits...
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 107.8 | -30.2 | F | G: 95]
Created: Sun Jul 15 19:15:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6qe5/another_friend_started_questioning_my_eating/
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I've been very social and now have a lot of friends. We usually do activities that require us to spend the entire day together. I spent the entire day with a friend and apparently he's been watching what I've been eating. He summarized what I ate and then made me eat... I had similar experiences with other friends. I'm going out of town with another group of friends for the weekend, and I'm a bit anxious about what they will see and say. We're spending 3 days together - sleeping in one room and eating all of our meals together. They will notice...

I'm getting mixed messages. While I may not be eating enough/am starting to get "too thin" I'm starting to get a lot of male attention. I went clubbing with somebody else, who earlier in the week said that I should eat more of my meal, and he was squeezing my butt and holding me really close while we were dancing. So wtf? Am I too thin or am I hot?

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Doctors appointment panic/how to be honest?
/u/ruckertlieder
Created: Sun Jul 15 18:51:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6kug/doctors_appointment_panichow_to_be_honest/
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Hi Everyone.

I'm panicking - just got back from a week of vacation, didn't realize what I'd set myself up for this week. Advice, commiseration, etc all would be lovely. I'm off work sort of tomorrow and flexible the rest of the week for various work related reasons so at the time of booking this all made sense:

1. Monday, 11am: regular doc appt. this was going to be fine (I am not completely honest with him...)but they left me a voicemail while I was gone saying I needed to call them about my last blood test. I didn't mean to (really) but I accidentally got the blood test done after 4 days of only coffee/water. I'm assuming it's my potassium again but I can't call them now and omg panic.

2. Monday, 3pm: dentist. My hygienist is really nice. She doesn't know I had a (thankfully minor) stroke in January. So that's going to suck to talk about. And I've dropped a lot of weight since I saw her in early January (...69lbs as of this morning, and I'm still a fat ass). Bulimia has been back in a big way since the stroke and if I'm not b/p'ing, I'm not eating. I'm sure there's enamel damage.

3. Wednesday, 8am: ED treatment intake...the social worker on the stroke ward way back in Jan insisted I make an appt. I met with them once in June and this appt is supposed to determine whether I "actually have an eating disorder" (direct quote and, as a fat ass, has flipped me the fuck out). I don't know that I want recovery until I hit my goal. I haven't told my regular doc about it and just...ugh. What if I go and they tell me there is no ED, just fat and lazy?? If they do accept me, it'd be therapy 2x/week plus a group, I think?

4. Friday, 8am: Psychiatrist. Again, connected by stroke ward social worker. My second appt, My first one I walked out with scripts for Vyvanse, Clonazepam, and Sertraline. I love them all and am having a hard time controlling myself with them - the Vyv especially. I work long hours every day and that stuff is amazing to keep me focused and not eating...until night comes and I b/p like crazy.

None of these appts know about the others. I know I should be honest (hello, stroke wake up call) but I just...can't. I either want everyone to just leave me alone or someone to completely take over my life and make it all better, but no one can. The one person who can (my best friend) died July 5, 2016. My family is...overbearing. They're so happy I'm losing weight and not embarrassing them anymore.

And I'm a fucking 36-year old, gainfully employed female working my dream job...I can't fuck that up so no one I work with can know anything - I took two weeks off after the stroke and they've all thankfully forgotten I think.

How do you talk to doctors? I never really went before the stroke - I tried to get one a couple times (SW Ontario) but have no kids/family and was told I was not a priority so just stopped trying and used walk in clinics.

TL;DR my life is a disaster and I don't know what to do. I am too old for this shit. Sorry for the rant.

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[Help] I’m going to a restaurant tomorrow and have no idea how many calories the food is
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Sun Jul 15 18:43:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6irv/im_going_to_a_restaurant_tomorrow_and_have_no/
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I’m gonna get a crepe with brown sugar, strawberries, and custard. I don’t know how many calories that is and I’m freaking out. I’m gonna have a light breakfast of just one piece of French toast. Which is 154 calories. I wanna stay below 500 tomorrow since the weekend I’ve been around 1000 each day.
Any tips on how to approach this is welcome!

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[Rant/Rave] Cried in a grocery store today
/u/singulaerity
Created: Sun Jul 15 18:38:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6hoq/cried_in_a_grocery_store_today/
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So today I was out shopping with my mom for groceries. We walk in I just wanted to get stevia for my coffee. She tells me get whatever you want. So I went down the chip aisle and started crying. And people were staring at me like I was stupid. Settled on pickles and a zero cal drink. I’m so sick of my eating disorder taking me away from being a normal human. I just feel like recovery is so far from ever happening. I’m not even sure what I wanna say. I just know that I feel more accepted here. I’m so grateful for this community.

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The biggest problem about it are the compliments
/u/throwawaybecausenone [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Sun Jul 15 18:28:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z6fcz/the_biggest_problem_about_it_are_the_compliments/
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I think the worst thing about all of this is the one i enjoy the most:

I've lost like 20lbs and I've got SO many compliments. I think I've never felt this appreciated in a long time, and I love it but on the other side i feel kind of sick.

I know they don't know what's going on inside my head but still, I just don't know what to think about this bitter-sweet feeling.

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[Help] Advice on losing 9 pounds in 2 weeks?
/u/narkisseh
Created: Sun Jul 15 18:02:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z68tl/advice_on_losing_9_pounds_in_2_weeks/
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I thought that I wouldn‘t be able to go on summer vacation with my friends this year but plans changed and I just found out on friday that I CAN GO. Problem here is I gained a good amount of weight binging and not caring about gaining because noone would be seeing me in a bikini this year anyways. Now that there is no way around it, I need to lose those pounds... what are your best tips? This is my first time aiming for a „bigger“ weight loss in a short amount of time and I don‘t reall know how to go about it. Should I low restrict mainly or do high restricting coupled with some fasting? Please hellllpp me i‘m at a loss but i don‘t wanna feel like a disgusting pot-bellied pig in front on my friends.

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[Discussion] Things you miss out on because of your ED-
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 85lbs | 16ish | -?lbs | f]
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:59:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z680b/things_you_miss_out_on_because_of_your_ed/
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kind of a bummer of a post but...

- Donating blood. This is a big one for me. I was so excited on my seventeenth birthday, and there was even a blood drive at school that week, but then I learned I'd have to be 30lbs heavier.

- Cute clothes. I'm pretty much damned to dress like a hobo between my insecurities and straight up being too petite to fit in anything.

- A nice meal out. God, the look of disappointment on anybody's face when I emerge from the bathroom after what should have been a lovely dinner.

What do y'all wish you could do if you didn't have this disorder piggybacking on every aspect of your life?

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[Other] Whoever did the math for this, wherever you are, you the real mvp
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:53:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z66kd/whoever_did_the_math_for_this_wherever_you_are/
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https://i.redd.it/383izs6d97a11.jpg

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[Help] Any tips for stopping the hunger?
/u/mM0niKKA
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:45:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z64tp/any_tips_for_stopping_the_hunger/
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Im at 140 pounds and i find myself repulsive, i feel like im going to be sick everytime i look in the mirror. So ive decided to fast for 5 days, im on day 2 and im getting hungry so do you guys have any tips on not breaking the fast? Tg hank you!

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I have so many post on this but.
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:39:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z63jk/i_have_so_many_post_on_this_but/
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I’ve been doing OMAD/ Intermittent Fasting.


So Yesterday I was done with all my calories by 9:00 AM.


At 1:00 AM I ate the calories for today.




And at 3:00 PM, I ate my next set of calories for tomorrow. I was waiting until 12:00 AM, but I had a 15 hour fasting period and it isn’t like my body’s going to reset at 12:00 AM.



From today and on, I am doing my OMAD at 3:00 PM everyday.


So anyway, my question was, does it really matter when you eat? As long as theirs a fasting period that gives your body time to burn all the calories you consumed.

Will I gain for eating at 3:00 PM today rather then 12:01 AM (which would’ve been considered the next day)?


Sorry for asking so many questions on this subject, it’s probably very irritating at this point. I’m just so lost on what to do.😫

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[Discussion] I'm SO hungry today!
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:18:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5ye7/im_so_hungry_today/
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I limit myself to 800 calories a day and use SHYE to limit myself to eating no more than 6 times a day. I have 378 calories left, which is fine, but only one space on SHYE left. I've been starving today and I keep going to the kitchen for something small so I don't binge and now I don't know what to do. I mean, I'll be okay and this is the dumbest thing for me to stress about, but I'm so stressing.

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[Discussion] mybodygallery.com
/u/nekkedpebbl [Height 5'2" | CW 108lbs | GW 100lbs| -8lbs]
Created: Sun Jul 15 17:10:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5wem/mybodygallerycom/
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Tfw you look up [height, weight] to see if you’re actually a flabby bag of doughnuts or if it’s the dysmorphia seeping through and you find a website full of *body goals*

Am I dumb and everyone knows about this already or...

?
(ALSO recs for any other sites like this cuz I’m tired of crawling through r/pro free pics for thinspiration lol)

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[Rant/Rave] gained a lot and I feel awful
/u/coconutw4ter
Created: Sun Jul 15 16:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5r0f/gained_a_lot_and_i_feel_awful/
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sorry if this post doesn’t belong here but I feel awful and I’m not sure where else to post and I need to get this off of my chest to people who might understand

the past year I used binge eating a lot as a coping mechanism (thx bipolar disorder) and I weighed myself for the first time in a really long time. I’ve gained about 15 pounds over the course of the year and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this bad about myself tbh. Like it’s just this crushing feeling of inadequacy and I knew i had gained, but I didn’t know it was this much. I used to be the skinny friend and now I feel fat and ugly

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A huge shoutout to all those who sacrificed calories in order to eat halo top today.
/u/tuesdayschildis [5'7|132 lb|20.6|GW:125]
Created: Sun Jul 15 16:47:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5qv6/a_huge_shoutout_to_all_those_who_sacrificed/
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It’s National ice cream day, and I want to take a moment to honor all those who are too fucking afraid to eat the real thing and are downing some halo top today. I hope one day we can all feel good enough to get an actual god damned cone without spiraling. Bless.

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R/fasting at it again
/u/jesuschristisherenow
Created: Sun Jul 15 16:36:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5o8t/rfasting_at_it_again/
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https://i.redd.it/v7bi4elsv6a11.png

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Well I WAS having a good time
/u/GodSaveAmerilesbiana [Height 5' 7.5" | CW 119 | BMI 18.4 | GW 115 | UG 110 | Gender F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 16:35:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5nv4/well_i_was_having_a_good_time/
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God fucking dammit
Mods please flair because I'm on mobile.
So I fasted before this vacation.
And now I'm letting myself kinda be a little carefree with eating, like it's only three days and I can undo the damage quickly enough
But fucking no
I literally ate an éclair because a relative kept offering, immediately after I ate it he started going off about how I was gonna eat him out of house and home.
I went to recycle a water bottle about an hour later and he kept going off about how much I was eating.
I want to vomit.
And earlier he had made fun of how little I ate at lunch.
Ha

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[Discussion] DAE actually like the feeling of weakness post-purge?
/u/MadamePoppycock [5'4 | 129 lbs | 21.7 | -70 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 16:29:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5mej/dae_actually_like_the_feeling_of_weakness/
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Something about it makes me feel so light, and as long as I dont have anything to do, I love to just lay in bed and enjoy it.

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6lb in 2 days
/u/glitchydowner
Created: Sun Jul 15 15:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z5d6q/6lb_in_2_days/
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Urgh! I caved! I was doing so well and then I gave in...
6lb in 2days wtf!?!

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[Rant/Rave] Trouble with my SO
/u/shiveryourselfskinny [Height 5'2 | CW 122.6 | BMI 22.4 | Weight Lost 26.9 | Gender F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 15:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z59k2/trouble_with_my_so/
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So I’ve been fasting and apparently I’ve lost a lot of weight (my flair is very out of date) and look really different, but I can’t tell beyond obvious things (fuck dysmorphia), for instance I’ve gone down a cup size and all of my bones are a lot more prominent. Him and I have been apart due to my traveling and I never send pictures (or even take any) because of a lack of confidence. He knows about my ED and when I mentioned the cup size thing he said he wanted to see a picture of me. Reluctantly I send one and I can tell he’s unhappy. He said he liked the “old me” better and that he wishes I hadn’t lost the weight.... he said that he was going to “try to learn to love my new body”. Guys I’m really happy with my weight loss (still not even close to done), but hearing this just makes me want to binge and cry.... does anyone else have similar stories? How do you cope with your SO not liking your weight loss?

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[Rant/Rave] I get free Starbucks when I’m working now!
/u/diabloglobelily
Created: Sun Jul 15 15:16:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z53vk/i_get_free_starbucks_when_im_working_now/
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I work for a non-profit and the Starbucks next door gives us all free coffee when we come on our breaks. Now I can get all the venti iced black coffees I want! I can finally afford my awful habits lol

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Goodbye r/proed
/u/ethereal-ethernet [5'6 | 118 | GW 103 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 15:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z534l/goodbye_rproed/
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Hey guys, this sub has been such a great support system for me but I’ve decided to really make an effort to semi recover and change my body image/mindset and I think this sub would be too triggering for me.

I’m going to try and eat 1200 a day and stick to my running schedule to lose down to 108 lbs. And then try to maintain. I know it’s not super healthy but I think it’s the furthest I’ll be able to go. Kind of a compromise with myself.

Love y’all <3

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[Rant/Rave] My mom refuses to believe that I’m anorexic but still tells me I’m “too skinny”?
/u/gatechnightman [5'8" | CW: 130 | GW: 110 | UGW: 100 | Female]
Created: Sun Jul 15 14:38:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4tpq/my_mom_refuses_to_believe_that_im_anorexic_but/
---
Every time I see her she tells me I am too skinny. I’m still at a normal BMI. I’ve told her multiple times that I’m anorexic and she always says, “well you eat around us, I don’t think your anorexic.” No shit I eat around y’all, that’s the only time I ever eat cuz I don’t want them to stop making me lose weight. I don’t know, it just bothers me.

---

Hunger Hurts Now
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Sun Jul 15 14:29:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4r9c/hunger_hurts_now/
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Does anyone’s heart and chest area as well as your back hurt when hungry? Only recently has this been happening.

---

Help!! Magnesium supplement for constipation
/u/waakeupmrwest
Created: Sun Jul 15 14:28:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4r1i/help_magnesium_supplement_for_constipation/
---
Hi guys :) I just can poo norally anymore! Ive tried everything, now I'm trying magnesium citrate supplements tonight because I have heard they help.

FOR THOSE THAT KNOW; IS there a difference between a "magnesium" supplement vs a "magnesium citrate" supplement? Because I only see bottles labeled "magnesium" at my local CVS pharmacy.

---

Only lost 10kg in 1 year
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Sun Jul 15 14:16:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4nt3/only_lost_10kg_in_1_year/
---
I'm disappointed in myself. I'm determined to make the next year better.

---

[Goal] Tmi:I pooped!
/u/damnbitchimfatasf
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:45:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4f3x/tmii_pooped/
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On my own with no laxatives! I'm so happy!

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EDC or MyPancakeAddiction?
/u/Deadpiccolo [5'9 | CW: 152 | BMI: 22.4 | 66 lbs lost | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4cxm/edc_or_mypancakeaddiction/
---
So since MyProAna is basically dead, it seems like the two main options now are MyPancakeAddiction and EDC. I personally prefer EDC, but like Pancake's aesthetic. What are you guys planning on doing? I'm probably gonna use all three now tbh because it seems like MPA is going to still exist, but it looks like a lot of people moved to both pancake and EDC.

---

Eating Habits Help
/u/EatingHabits2929
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4cvz/eating_habits_help/
---
Quick context: Former bulimic nearly 1 month purge free. I have reached the place where I don’t want to lose any more weight. I simply want to maintain and lower my body fat percentage.

I’ve been sweet/chocolate free since 1st July because of issues with binging. I was trying to do a 30 free challenge but I don’t know why anymore. I want to have more of a normal diet but I don’t know how. I feel like I’m too restrictive and I’m still losing on the scale. I feel like I’m missing out on life. A warm hot chocolate, ice cream with the family turned down because of some self inflicted challenge.
Do you think I should ease up? How do I do that while maintaining and living a healthy life? I’m going nuts

---

Does anyone else have no one in their life that knows about their ED/no one to talk to about certain things?
/u/Highoffempty [5'9|CW: 143.3 | GW: 120 | UGW: 106 |Lbs lost: 16.7]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:32:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4bcc/does_anyone_else_have_no_one_in_their_life_that/
---
No one in my life knows about my ED. It's isolating. Also there are soo many "off topic" things that I can't discuss with the people in my house because they react strangely in my opinion.

It feels really lonely. I just wanted to know if there are other people here in this position that just hold so much inside.

Do you ever feel like you're going to burst sometimes? I don't know if that makes sense...but sometimes the feeling that I have no where to turn that will understand me is very overwhelming and sad.

---

tfw costco has a 4-pack of halo top on sale...
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 putridaffection]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:30:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4azr/tfw_costco_has_a_4pack_of_halo_top_on_sale/
---
...and it’s the flavor you hate. whyyyyy

---

[Help] I get really bad stomach aches after eating oily foods not made at home
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5| 100 lbs| 19.4| 18F| Exploring Recovery]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:20:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4848/i_get_really_bad_stomach_aches_after_eating_oily/
---
I'm in the middle of a budget meeting that still has 2+ hours to go. I decided to have a veggie wrap that seemed to be a whole wheat tortilla with red peppers, mushrooms, corn, beans and lettuce in it as well some sort of oily sauce.

I ate half at around noon and then my stomach hurt for an hour until I drank some tea after which is subsided until it was gone. I then had the second half an hour ago and don't want to go pee again so my stomach has been in high key pain.

I used to experience really bad stomach pain in the evening for a few days every few years plus I used to violently throw up after eating fried food. The thing is, this hasn't happened in a while.

Anybody know what's up?

---

[Help] Research survey: Would you seek help for eating disorder symptoms (female 18-30 years)?
/u/Helpseeking_research
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z4758/research_survey_would_you_seek_help_for_eating/
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**Social emotional functioning and help-seeking in young adults (females age 18-30) with eating disorder symptoms**

Hi everyone, my name is Sofie, and I’m currently undertaking a Master’s at University College London (UCL), Department of Psychology & Human Development. **I hope it's okay that I post this survey, my apologies if not!**

For my Master’s dissertation, I’ll investigate the potential association between social emotional functioning in young adults with eating disorder symptoms, and associated help-seeking behaviour. A better understanding of this would be highly valuable in order to increase help-seeking rates for eating disorder symptoms, so that as many people as possible can be helped at an early stage.

Invited participants for the study are females between 18 and 30 years of age, who experience any kind of eating disorder symptoms, of any degree. The data will be collected through the online platform Qualtrics, where interactive digitised tasks exploring social and emotional functioning will be used together with questions regarding eating disorder symptoms, help-seeking behaviour, and social emotional functioning. It is expected that the data collection will take approximately 20-30 minutes. The online tasks and questions can be completed in one session, or be saved and completed over several sessions. **All responses will be completely anonymous and confidential.** The project has been approved by the ethics committee at the Department of Psychology and Human Development at the Institute of Education, UCL.

Further information about the project, data management and confidentiality is provided if you click on the survey link: [https://uclioe.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_6lBmBTeVCxHBJY1](https://uclioe.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6lBmBTeVCxHBJY1)

**Important! There is one question on current weight, and several potentially sensitive questions regarding eating disorder symptoms.** The first page is information only, and you can decide whether you want to take part or not after reading the information. My contact details can be found on the information page via the link.

Your help completing this online questionnaire would be highly appreciated – it is not the easiest topic to find participants for, but it is very close to my heart so I’m hopeful that I will be able to get a large sample. If you know anyone who would be interested, please just pass on the link.

Thank you ever so much!

With best wishes,

Sofie

---

[Rant/Rave] Everything Involves Food
/u/psychedelicpeach
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:12:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z45un/everything_involves_food/
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I’m struggling right now 😫 I want to have a social life but it seems like everyone just wants to go out to restaurants or spend money. Like can we just watch Netflix at your house and drink diet rootbeer

---

[Rant/Rave] Finally a good day!
/u/tuesdayschildis [5'7|132 lb|20.6|GW:125]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:11:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z45m3/finally_a_good_day/
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I’m coming off a 1.5 week binge fest that resulted in hell weight gain. I seriously thought all was lost but my antidepressants finally kicked in and I have NO appetite today! I’m at forcing-myself-to-eat level of hunger today. It’s such a welcome relief considering the entire past week or so was fucking terrible.
Today is exactly the kind of day I needed to break a bad fucking binge streak.
Gonna ride out the Wellbutrin high and hopefully drop down hella quick this week. I’m excited to see the scale moving in the *right* direction.
I hope everyone else is having a good day, and if you aren’t, I’m sending positive vibes out into the universe and your way. Things will look up, promise.

---

[Rant/Rave] I don’t belong here nor anywhere else
/u/Grellous8 [5'6.5" | Fatkunt | 16M]
Created: Sun Jul 15 13:02:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z42vr/i_dont_belong_here_nor_anywhere_else/
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I see everyone here with so much self-discipline and restraint and here I am sitting at home after yet another binge. I’m a monster and I can’t control myself. I used to be able to stop eating whenever I wanted. I don’t even want to lose weight. I just want to stop feeling hungry all the time no matter how much I eat. Holy duck I’m a mess.

---

[Other] I Want to Disappear [possible TW]
/u/deadlylikesugar
Created: Sun Jul 15 12:43:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3xvk/i_want_to_disappear_possible_tw/
---
The only time I’m winning is when I’m losing.

I may look like I’m at my weakest, but I feel stronger than ever.

I feel in control when I’m starving,

Unstoppable when I’m dizzy,

High when the clothes that were once too tight to put on, won’t stay on.

You see these dark circles? These sunken cheeks?Hell yeah, you bet I feel pretty.

I’m exhausted, yet determined.

The dedication,

The results,

The success,

The control....

The control;

I feel accomplished.

I feel proud.

I feel like somebody.



But

When they notice,

I feel anxious.

When they question,

I’m terrified.

When they look at me with concern,

I feel vulnerable; naked almost.

When they monitor,

I’m humiliated.

When the once positive comments turn negative,

I feel judged.

I can’t stand feeling judged.

I feel conflicted.



I justify the binges.

I start to gain.

I feel afraid.

The comments stop, the concern leaves,

But

The silence is worse.



I retreat inward.


I feel like nobody.



I just want to succeed. I just want to feel proud. I just want to feel accomplished.

I just want to be somebody.

I just want to be left alone.



I want to disappear.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like im not worth the recovery clinic
/u/lxelan4862 [✽5'3 | CW 104 lbs | BMI 18.4 | GW 98 | Female✽]
Created: Sun Jul 15 12:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3xhn/i_feel_like_im_not_worth_the_recovery_clinic/
---
My parents have been trying to get me eating normally, so naturally my weight may have increased due to water retention from eating "normally" (but feeling extremely guilty about it). Since we didnt bring a scale to our summer home I honestly don't know if I'm still underweight, if not I'm afraid that I'm not worth the attention that the recovery clinic gives their patients. The ed side of me is telling me that in order to "deserve" recovery and attention I have to lose weight since I dont "look the part". Weird and totally wrong mindset, ik, but at this point my ed is pulling on whatever strings are still free to pull on..

😔😔😔

---

Feeling Trapped.
/u/greeneyedgeminigirl [5'6 | CW150 | GW105 | -39 | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 12:35:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3vmy/feeling_trapped/
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I suffer from chronic pain, and have swung between restricting and binging my whole life. The pain has gotten so bad recently that I can't eat. I just vomit it back up almost instantly because of the pain.

I feel so weak, but at the same time I feel like a failure because I haven't lost even a pound because of all the IV fluids they've pumped into me.

I hate this.

---

My current thoughts on separating my 'self' from my ED.
/u/aerienne [5'4" | CW: 139.0 | UGW 105 | 25/F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 12:33:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3v1k/my_current_thoughts_on_separating_my_self_from_my/
---
When my ED first began, I dove straight into the tumblr rabbit hole of thinspo and ana/mia shit. Ana and Mia were these other creatures who whispered things and wanted to make me better. It was so fucking 'Lifetime movie'.

Got older and my ED was still there. But it was part of me. No, some fucking skeleton thing called Ana wasn't whispering to me nor standing over my shoulder. I simply had an eating disorder and food was an issue. It's interesting how even an eating disorder can mature.

Right now, I'm pushing Ana/Mia/ED/whatever back into their own box. I'm trying to establish some serious stuff in my life and my anxiety is at an all-time high and my ED would love to have a field day. I'm treating it like a whining toddler. I can say that the feelings are valid, but I will not be bossed around nor let it control my life.

-----

I'm talking with a really great guy right now. I've never been physical with someone and I'd really like to. Now I know you can simply push your ED away. It's like telling someone with depression to stop feeling like shit. But I've been trying to find out what's 'me' and what's my ED talking.

I'm conventionally attractive and about a size 6/8. Would I like to weigh 40 pounds less? Of course. But it's going to take time. In a few weeks, I'm meeting up with guy and I want to let him touch me without feeling like I'm going to hurl.

It's taking a lot of reassuring to tell myself he won't be disappointed in my body. When he puts his arms around me, I want to feel butterflies in my stomach from excitement and not anxiety.

Because I have a few weeks until this happens, my mind chimed in with 'Don't eat, work out like crazy, and look hot'. Yet I know that's not an option. My rational mind knows better, so I'm dismissing such negative thoughts as my moody toddler ED. He's seen me in person and is still talking to me.

I'm also trying more to see myself as others do. This guy said he's not as active as he used to be, but I think he looks like a damn model. I literally don't see the flaws he's claiming he has. But millions of people are in physical relationships and don't look like a Victoria's Secret model. Do you know how difficult it is to convince myself that I'm good enough as is?

My plan for the next few weeks does include trying to better myself physically. A guy doesn't just pop in my life and 'wow, thanks i'm cured'. But it forced me to not get as caught up on my thoughts. Here's what I'd like to work on until I see him:

- Take my vitamins and try to eat a bit healthier.

- Eat. My ED is screaming for me to fast. I want to more than anything. But I won't. It's not binge or fast. There is a middle ground and I'd like to try it.

- Stay active. I'll feel better anyway.

- Don't pick at my skin.

- Get more comfortable with my body. I will often be covered up, avoid looking in the mirror after a shower, etc. I want to say 'Yes, but my body could be improved and I'm working on it, but I accept it as is today.'

- Be realistic.

----

EDs are such a weird thing. Everyone's experience with them is a little different. I truly believe it's like being an alcoholic. Even if you've been sober 50 years, you still call yourself an alcoholic despite not partaking in the actions. My disorder is with me forever. But I can work on how much of a voice I give it. I know the things that make it better/worse. But I am more important. Life is more important and I want to really live it.

---

Why I can never recover-- because this is how people see us when we're weight-restored
/u/MedicalBottle
Created: Sun Jul 15 11:42:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3ggq/why_i_can_never_recover_because_this_is_how/
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https://i.redd.it/ijuw0ltbf5a11.png

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[Help] Slowing myself down while cooking
/u/CharlieJScarper [5'1/2" | 96lbs | 18.3 | FTM:cat_blep:]
Created: Sun Jul 15 11:36:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3eja/slowing_myself_down_while_cooking/
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I made my own low-calorie coronation chicken today, and you guys! It. Was. So. Good. I had it on rice cakes and felt so much better afterwards.

But my god, the PROCESS. It would be so easy if I could just follow the recipe and eat the result. But no, I have to spend so long checking and double checking the amount of each ingredient and the calories in it. Adding 1/3 cup of yoghurt turns into checking the ingredients for sugar and fat content, working out how many calories are in it and converting cups to ml to grams and back all while keeping a running tally of the overall calorie count. Repeat x10 for all the ingredients. Then before I can eat, I have to measure out the correct anount which means weighing the whole lot and taking exact double-checked portions. After that it's time to calculate the total calories per meal, so I weigh the sandwich and then the plate separetely, subtract the weight of the plate, subtract the weight of the rice cakes and work out the calories as a proportion of the full amount. Then add the calories from the rice cakes to that.

By the time I'm done I'm so drained and frustrated with myself that I don't even enjoy the food I allow myself that much. What on Earth can I do? I'm not even sure if this is disordered or just something normal people do to get the correct calorie counts for the things they make.

Does anyone else do stuff like this?

---

[Discussion] Anyone else's SO hate skinny?
/u/Shibo_Kitsune
Created: Sun Jul 15 11:27:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3bxk/anyone_elses_so_hate_skinny/
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So my wife has noticed i'm losing weight and as she doesn't know about any of my ED past, I have told her I'm just dieting. The problem is she keeps saying how I look like I'm wasting away and she hopes I don't get too skinny :( I'm still a completely healthy BMI as I was overweight when I relapsed. Today she told me she's worried she won't be attracted to me if I'm properly skinny and tbh what the hell do I do with that? I don't want to endanger my frickin relationship but I CAN'T STOP and I DO want to be thinner. I also don't want to tell her about my ED soooo..... any advice? This plays on my mind a lot

---

My dog won't eat unless I do
/u/alexagraphical
Created: Sun Jul 15 11:19:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z39cf/my_dog_wont_eat_unless_i_do/
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I'm in recovery...sort of. I still have a lot of disordered habits and mindsets but I'm working on them, slowly. I think my dog knows this on some level and is trying to be an accountability buddy, or maybe I'm way overthinking it, but she's recently started to do this new thing where she won't eat at all unless I eat a meal. A little nibble on a cracker or a single grape won't do, it has to be a meal sized amount. Once I'm done, she'll eat.

Sometimes it's super triggering and I'm finding myself eating when I don't want to, so she won't suffer, but other times I find it incredibly sweet.

---

[Rant/Rave] Cute Splenda find!
/u/Andersoncooperspenis [5'6 | CW:😭 | GW:115 |-29| F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 11:01:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z354t/cute_splenda_find/
---
https://i.redd.it/m7929aoz75a11.jpg

---

[Help] Bf is back after a month. Wants sex, I’m worried he’ll trigger me.
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sun Jul 15 10:55:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z3383/bf_is_back_after_a_month_wants_sex_im_worried/
---
My boyfriend gets in from a month long vacation later and wants sex. I don’t really have much of an interest in sex right now but then again - I have no interest in anything really.

I’m in quite a rough place and would like to gain weight, but I have doubts about whether I’ll be able to for h8m them finding me unattractive, or that I’ll be triggered when he comments on my body.

I like him a lot, but I don’t feel able t9 hold a meaningful relationship that won’t hinder any recovery progress. What do I do?

---

[Discussion] where does the medically advised "average woman maintains on 2000 cal a day" stat even come from
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | ~ recovery ~ | ~46kg | ~17 ]
Created: Sun Jul 15 10:45:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z30hk/where_does_the_medically_advised_average_woman/
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the nhs states that the average woman maintains on 2000 cal a day (and the average man on 2500)
literally where does this come from???
im 5'5" (so average height) and my tdee is 1600-1700. im so ???????

---

[Discussion] does anyone else just love seeing their ribs?
/u/impractically-me
Created: Sun Jul 15 10:17:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2t8y/does_anyone_else_just_love_seeing_their_ribs/
---
i love seeing the outline of my ribs through my skin

---

One-derland
/u/DontLickIt88 [5’8”| CW: Land Whale | GW: 115 | 29F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 09:51:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2med/onederland/
---
Yeah, still weigh land whale sized, because flipping between BED and EDNOS is a bitch, but I’m back under 200lbs (198.6 lbs to be exact). Only 2 more pounds to be just overweight (I’d like to be there before my bday on Sunday). Small miracles, and one day hopefully soon, I’ll be back at my smallest of 125 and then I’ll be even smaller after that.

---

When you starve yourself 25 pounds down into underweight within 3 months and your best friend asks you whether you've gained.
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 125 | 18.08 bmi | gw: 110 | 18f]
Created: Sun Jul 15 09:49:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2ltt/when_you_starve_yourself_25_pounds_down_into/
---
I have to get a little something off my chest, sorry if it's a long read. :(

My best friend Katrin, her boyfriend/my other best friend and me went out; we hadn't seen each other in a long time, and I was wearing hotpants. I actually just reached anopther GW (125!!), so I allowed myself a huge bowl of rice and teriyaki chicken and some bubble tea to make myself a lil happy. 1.5K calories so what, I swam for 3 hours yesterday. I deserved that.

She's an incredibly sweet, but honest person, so I genuinely wanted to hear what she thought about my weight- you know, from someone that isn't stuck in my body dysmorphia.

My body doesn't show it very well, but I'm underweight. I was a bit bloated from all the food, but still. So she looked me up and down, grabbed my butt to see if it had gotten smaller (that's totally fine by the way, it's not offensive, just in case you guys might think that) and says "I mean, maybe you've laid on a pound or two, but you still look lovely."

I lost over 1/6th of my body weight. I wear a smaller pants size than my 14 year old, skinny sister, I weigh only 4 pounds more than her. Huh??

I was sort of expecting her to say something that went against what I thought of me? Like, I know the number on the scale has gone down, but I can't see it. But now she has kind of confirmed my body image and now I actually feel like I haven't lost shit and need to lose double the amount for it to actually show. It's fucking me up at right now. I feel so unworthy of this, of my weight, of the weight I've lost, of food.. of everything.

The dumbest thing is.. she's a bit chubby; she's a bit smaller than me, but weighs what I used to at my SW (~150 pounds, give or take 2). She's absolutely beautiful. But you know, rationally, there's no way I could still be at that weight. Nevertheless, I feel like I am. And I tried to have that proven to me by somebody else and it didn't work, and now I just feel awful. I think I could use a hug. Or, you know, a 110 on the scale instead of a 2 in second place. This sucks.

---

Reminder that linking to posts on other subreddits is not allowed.
/u/daeboo [5ft1🌸98lbs🌸19F🌸]
Created: Sun Jul 15 09:41:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2jv1/reminder_that_linking_to_posts_on_other/
---
I realize that rule 5 is one that the mods have been lax on enforcing. Given the trend on putting certain other subreddits on blast, and the brigading that's been happening as a result, this is genuinely the sort of thing that could get the subreddit banned in the future.

Users can help out by reporting any posts on other subreddits. I wasn't personally around when the original mods wrote the sidebar rules but currently the purpose of the rule is to protect this subreddit.

---

Throwback pro Ana websites?
/u/breathypedantic
Created: Sun Jul 15 09:18:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2eg3/throwback_pro_ana_websites/
---
Someone mentioned old school pro Ana on here recently and now I’ve been feeling nostalgic for those old websites but I can’t remember many of the names. Does anyone remember that sepia and purple one with the two blonde corseted fairies in the top banner or the xanga site proed university or whatever? I was fucking obsessed with that shit in highschool (like I needed any extra “tips and tricks” lol)

---

[Help] Stupid scale
/u/lrgfrieschocoshake
Created: Sun Jul 15 08:45:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z26vs/stupid_scale/
---
Can restricting make me retain water weight? I’ve been restricting heavier (<500cal instead of my usual 500-1000cal) for a few days and the scale hasn’t budged. So frustrating.

---

[Help] Weigh in tips?
/u/pinkpandas17
Created: Sun Jul 15 08:24:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z21tn/weigh_in_tips/
---
So, my mom thinks I’m recovered and is making me go to a relapse prevention group every Wednesday. But I’m pretty sure they will weigh us and idk how to hide my weight loss. I heard that you can put quarters in your pockets or bra or something and maybe I could do that but idk. Do any of you have tips? Please?

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[Discussion] Has anyone heard this yet? I can’t stop listening. I loved Florence already but holy shit!
/u/fuckingusernamee [4'11| 105| 21.2 | 30 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 08:17:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z2031/has_anyone_heard_this_yet_i_cant_stop_listening_i/
---
https://i.redd.it/eik3x1ele4a11.jpg

---

Any guys?
/u/Hollowlce
Created: Sun Jul 15 08:06:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1xh2/any_guys/
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From my personal experience I haven’t met anyone other then me who’s a guy with ano and was wondering what’s the actual statistic for guys?

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Possibly tmi
/u/superficialsadness
Created: Sun Jul 15 07:59:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1vs0/possibly_tmi/
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My period has been unusually light this time. I’m kind of new to EDs and stuff, mine only recently developed. Yesterday was day three and it was practically gone by then, and usually day three is still somewhat heavy for me. I also know that your period stops coming if you have an ED. So, is this like a sign that my period is going to stop coming or something?

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[Other] Turned 23 today...
/u/captain_peanutbutter [5'5" |95lbs |16.02|22F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 07:05:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1kwo/turned_23_today/
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\*sings\*

*Happy birthday to me,*

*Happy birthday to me,*

*I'm binging on pizza,*

*Happy birthday to meeee!*

(sorry, mods, I know this is a bit of a shitpost, so feel free to remove if necessary. Just needed to vent via song.)

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That terrifying moment
/u/Zongirl27
Created: Sun Jul 15 06:56:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1j25/that_terrifying_moment/
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When my husband makes me a HUGE pancake but I'm saving my OMAD for a half of a burger later. So when he goes to shower I chop it into bits and put it in a plastic bag and then scoop out the cats litter box to hide the evidence.


I kept thinking he was going to walk out before I was done!

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Everytime i hear that diets dont work and nearly everyone regains the weight i loose a couple extra pounds to be safe
/u/talkingdonkeys
Created: Sun Jul 15 06:45:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1gw2/everytime_i_hear_that_diets_dont_work_and_nearly/
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Im trying hard to maintain atm, being officially diagnosed with ednos has thrown me for a loop. But honestly these so called experts going on about how inevitable it is that i will go back to my highest weight and then some is doing my head in. Just wondering what everyone elses thoughts are on this diets dont work theory

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 15, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jul 15 06:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1aof/daily_food_diary_july_15_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for July 15, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jul 15 06:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z1ao4/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
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Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:

* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found

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14lb down and feeling worse than ever.
/u/MySecretKittyCat [5'1"| CW:126 | BMI:23.7 | WL: 14lb | GW:115 | F23]
Created: Sun Jul 15 05:30:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z13hw/14lb_down_and_feeling_worse_than_ever/
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I used to weigh 108lb a few years ago and my weight has slowly crept up since. I gained a lot late last year due to uni stress and depression, up to 140lb. Now I’m down to 126lb in 5 weeks through restriction, but I just feel worse than ever about myself. I’m scrutinising my body after every 1lb loss waiting for it to start resembling what it used to but I see no change.

I recently got a job at my highest weight, and because of that the staff know me as I was at 140lb. They’ve noticed and have been really heavily praising me for my weight loss, but in my head I don’t deserve it, I’m just fixing my weight gain mistakes and trying to get back to normal...

I enjoy the praise in the moment, but afterwards I just feel like a fraud.

Does anybody else feel like this?

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Calm after the storm - can anyone relate?
/u/BeautylicousBabe
Created: Sun Jul 15 05:16:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z11d6/calm_after_the_storm_can_anyone_relate/
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Tonight I couldn't focus on my assignment, I got home from a ridiculously hectic day at work and instead of making the healthy meal that I planned I ended up bingeing on an assortment of horror in my share house kitchen. Naturally I felt like human trash, especially after I messaged my boyfriend and found out that he has eaten way less than me today and is content and not hungry. This led to watch you expect; purging, crying in the mirror while grabbing flesh, look at unflattering tagged pictures of me on facebook. Finally hopping out of a warm shower and sipping some water, I feel a sense of calm and refocus. I am in a brief window of peace between what just happened, and I have at least a day or two of restricting before succumb to weakness again. For now I am warm, and finally I can sit down and focus on my assignment no longer obsessed with the question of will I or won't I give in to food.

Does anyone else experience this sort of cathartic relief after b/p, regardless of how violent or emotional the session was?

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Broke my fast, but I'm not as angry/depressed as I usually feel
/u/ExistentialKoi [6' | CW 230 | BMI 31.08 | GW 140 | M]
Created: Sun Jul 15 05:15:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z11ak/broke_my_fast_but_im_not_as_angrydepressed_as_i/
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Welp, I broke my fast just now and ate about half a loaf of banana bread lol. I was on Day 3, and I'm a little bummed about having to start over. At the very least, I made myself drink a bunch of water; that definitely helped in snapping me out of it. At least it tasted good, but now I feel all... heavy. Even just sitting here to write this is making feel anxious.

I'm gonna go for a walk now and play some Pokemon Go.

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[Discussion] Anyone else like this?
/u/tomorrowcomestoday18
Created: Sun Jul 15 04:49:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0x2y/anyone_else_like_this/
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I could go MONTHS (3 months is my longest) eating normally, not caring if I ate over a certain amount of calories, looking at myself in the mirror and being okay with it, looking at thinspo and thinking that they're actually *too* skinny... Well, I'm like that right now. A couple months ago, I would hate my now self. Wasting all of this time without making any progress...

It's a cycle, and I've been through it a few times. I ended up hating myself by the end of it and here I am again. I probably won't go to how I was like before or maybe I will but as of now I'm okay. Okay with how I look like, okay with eating normally, okay with myself. I'm scared I'll go back to my disordered thinking again but if (when?) I do I know that I'll be glad that I snapped out of it because I didn't look "okay" and didn't waste any more time actually thinking that. Hah.

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[Rant/Rave] It’s like the universe is telling me ‘don’t consume anything’
/u/eloana12
Created: Sun Jul 15 04:37:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0v20/its_like_the_universe_is_telling_me_dont_consume/
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Was with some friends, they decided to have pot noodles and I opted for yoghurt. It went off, despite it being a week from it’s due date. Then as we’re about to leave I quickly grab my coffee to sip on and there’s a dead bug in it.

The day before, I went out for dessert with the same friends and at the place we went to they didn’t have my usual order :(

Idk I’m probably making a big deal out of nothing but it’s just bad luck, this kinda stuff never really happens.

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[Other] purging...prolapsed stomach???
/u/prettyplease2468 [5'5 | CW: 111.2lb | BMI: 18.5 | GW: 107 | SW: 124 | 18F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 04:05:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0q8i/purgingprolapsed_stomach/
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After Venus angelics video on her weight loss surgery and discovery that she was always hungry because of her prolapsed stomach

Im so afraid that I have it

I just binged purged for 4/5 hrs straight and I have this terrible pain in my stomach

I'm afraid my purging will prolapse my stomach

I want to stop purging so bad but I can't

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Who else abuses the Instagram Layout app?
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"1.5 | CW: 104 | HW: 130]
Created: Sun Jul 15 04:05:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0q7j/who_else_abuses_the_instagram_layout_app/
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It allows you to have pictures side by side, allows zoom in and out to perfectly align one body size to another...I use it to compare body check photos from different time frames, celebs, random people on the internet...honestly its a drug 😅 I had a happy moment when I compared to my favorite idols body and realized we look relatively the same.

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[Rant/Rave] Ate so much more than usual... lost weight???
/u/fuckingupleftnright [5'7" | 117lbs | 18.32 (old), 18.26 (new)| -33 | F | gw: 115/110]
Created: Sun Jul 15 03:53:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0o7x/ate_so_much_more_than_usual_lost_weight/
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I've been restricting again for a week because I was on holiday and didn't want to gain from eating out all the time- didn't even want to lose.

Felt like a hungry pit for the last 2 days (except when personal issues came up but that was for like 6 hours and then I ate again).

So the day before yesterday I weighed in at 117 and proceeded to eat:

- boiled egg and buttered toast

- 2 fried eggs, bacon, buttered toast

- large gelato cone

- gyro/souvlaki

- grapes and cherries

Yesterday:

- boiled egg and 2 slices buttered bread

- spanakopita

- cookie

- boiled egg and bacon and mayo sandwich

- packet of crisps

- 2 apples and skyr (late at night )

This morning I weighed in at 115lbs... wtf.

How is it when I'm eating 500 calories a day I GAIN? Then I lose now? Weird as fuck.

The worst part is that I want to maintain 117 because I don't want to worry anyone. But now I've lost I feel like I'm spiralling and will want to lose more and get down to 110lbs like I originally planned...

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Lost 5lb again. Been losing and gaining the same 5lb since I was 16
/u/tartansheep [5'9.5|23.61 | 166lb|-1lb| GW:115lb]
Created: Sun Jul 15 03:50:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0nuj/lost_5lb_again_been_losing_and_gaining_the_same/
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It’s just so annoying

160.5lb today. I started at 170 actually so I am so very close to hitting 10lb lost.

But since I have been weight restored I’ve been gaining and losing the same 5lb or 10lb for years. I guess I just have to keep going ...

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[meta] Is it possible to make the mod team a bit bigger?
/u/throwaway_ED_
Created: Sun Jul 15 03:38:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0lx5/meta_is_it_possible_to_make_the_mod_team_a_bit/
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So, this community seems to have grown a lot within the last year, we have more than 26000 subscribers and there are at least three or four new posts every hour. I noticed that there are only 9 moderators right now, some of them don't seem active anymore (haven't been online in 6+ months, hope they just left because of recovery and aren't hospitalized or dead 🙁) and some seem to have REAL BAD SHIT going on in their lifes right now, those have other things to worry about than moderating a subreddit. So we only have three or four active mods left.
The mod team is still doing an amazing job, I love this community, y'all are so supportive and kind! However, this sub might simply be too big for 3 or 4 mods, and lately, I've seen an increase in rule violations (rule 5 in particular). I worry that this will be the straw that breaks the camel's back when it comes to the future of this subreddit; reddit admins banned a lot of mental illness related subs lately, especially those that aren't recovery-related and have a more accepting mentality to those who aren't ready to seek help. I'm worried that we will get banned for vote brigading if links to other subs keep getting posted. Maybe one or two additional mods would help? Maybe even from different timezones so that somebody is reachable while the American mods sleep.

I wanna emphasize that I DON'T think that the mod team is doing a bad job! Not at all! I'm just really paranoid about proed getting banned and this sub is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes lol.

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[Rant/Rave] Just had to eat a fry up because my dad made it for me
/u/shonamairead [5'6 | CW - fat | UGW - 110| F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 03:20:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0j6q/just_had_to_eat_a_fry_up_because_my_dad_made_it/
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My dad made a fry up for the family this morning and I had to eat it because everyone was sat at the table and now I feel sick thinking about all the oil that was used and the amount of fat in the sausages and bacon and fried bread and now I want to be sick

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[Goal] How to self sabotage and hate your self, another memoir by me.
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 130 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 20 F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 02:29:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z0bre/how_to_self_sabotage_and_hate_your_self_another/
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So I've been off my meds for a little over two weeks now, withdrawls have been hell. I had to stop my medication suddenly because I live in the states and am trying to get state Medicaid and it is damn near impossible. The main thing is they want paystubs from June for the job I quit in feburary... so I sent them the last paystub I had (a whopping 30 dollar stub and I got paid monthly) and they denied me because I didnt give them what they wanted -.-


Any ways due to the sudden withdrawls I have been self medicating with pot, and obvs have been getting the munchies. And now that I am almost over with the withdrawls I can start focusing again on loosing weight. I got under 130 for the first time since highschool (3 years ago) sometime two months ago. Now I am at 135. So basically 140 like a pig ugh.


But now I am setting my first goal as 125. Then decrease by 10 each time I reach a goal. Maybe if I have small goals I can work towards I wont be tempted to binge as much.

I also will only be eating 800 cals a day. 64 oz of water and will have tea with no sugar or diet soda to crave hunger pains.

I got this. I am in control (lmao) and I will not fail.

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[Rant/Rave] Fell off the wagon but don’t want to recover
/u/landfill7707
Created: Sun Jul 15 02:15:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z09t1/fell_off_the_wagon_but_dont_want_to_recover/
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Some days I can’t seem to start restricting again and I start binge eating without being able to stop and other days not even fasting feels like enough. Either way, I can’t get the thought of being thinner out of my head. I’ve been trying to eat without counting for the last 2 days in the name of being “healthy” but it just turned into me binge eating and now I can’t push back the urge to eat even after I’m full. What’s wrong with me

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[Goal] I lost my first kg in 4 days!
/u/flowercrowndaisies [164cm | CW: 54Kg | GW: 48Kg | F]
Created: Sun Jul 15 02:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z07jh/i_lost_my_first_kg_in_4_days/
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I’ve only been gaining weight and 4 days ago I started getting really strict with myself. Without even meaning to I finally lost my first kg! I’m so happy, but also scared. I’m always scared that my breasts will get smaller because they’re the one thing I like about myself. I’m just hoping I’m losing the weight in my thighs and stomach.

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[Rant/Rave] rambling.
/u/bmddx
Created: Sun Jul 15 01:58:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z076f/rambling/
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my boyfriend can eat almost anything he fucking wants & stay ripped. i can't LOOK at a fucking MINT without gaining weight. it makes me really wish i were just dead. i'm so tired of dealing with this. maybe dying a bit early would be okay as an end here. i feel so bad for existing when i feel so fat.

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How do you balance your alcohol intake?
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 114.2 | GW 101 | WL 3 | F26]
Created: Sun Jul 15 01:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z014q/how_do_you_balance_your_alcohol_intake/
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On all counts: Type of booze, how much, when...? I tend toward clear liquors, stay away from beer and wine. And if I haven't eaten, I definitely feel it more, but then I have to remember to balance my intake so I don't get sick/become a wreck.

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Need help with a friend who keeps complimenting ppl with ED on weightloss
/u/kiraiwa
Created: Sun Jul 15 01:15:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8z00vm/need_help_with_a_friend_who_keeps_complimenting/
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Basically I know someone who always seems to compliment other ppls bodies when they lose weight and I feel like this contributed to one of my other friend's ED. This is because when she complimented my body a while back, I felt this strong urgency to 'maintain' my weight to ensure she would continue 'validating' me and I ended up with a severe ED at (85 pounds 5'4 height, I'm still recovering). Even when she knows the person has an ED, she keeps complimenting their weight loss, and I fear that my other friend now has an ED. How do I tell her to stop commenting on ppls bodies because when I brought it up onc, she said "Oh, but some ppl are the type to develop an even worse ED if ppl don't compliment them!" and I didn't really know how to respond to that. Sorry for such a long post but if anyone could help me, that would be great!!

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Compliment ppl with ED on weight loss?
/u/marigoldleaf
Created: Sun Jul 15 01:05:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yzz5t/compliment_ppl_with_ed_on_weight_loss/
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Basically I know someone (person 1) who always seems to compliment other ppls bodies when they lose weight and I feel like this contributed to one of my friend's (person 2) ED. This is because when person 1 complimented my body a while back, I felt this strong urgency to 'maintain' my weight to ensure she would continue complimenting/validating me and I ended up with a severe ED at 85 pounds (5'4 height). Person 2 seems to be in the same position and I'm very certain that person 1 contributed to her current ED, because even if she knows the person has an ED, she still comments on their bodies. How do I approach person 1 to stop commenting on ppls bodies because I brought it up once and she said "Oh, but some ppl are the type to develop an even worse ED if ppl don't compliment them!" and I didn't really know how to respond. Sorry for such a long post but if anyone could help me, that would be great!!

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0 calories at Sonic- pro tips
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'7" | CW 129.8 | GW 100 | NB | 18 | 🍑: lightningmcqueef69]
Created: Sun Jul 15 00:22:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yzsbg/0_calories_at_sonic_pro_tips/
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i just quit my job but if you live near a sonic here's some cool stuff:
44oz cups of ice are 65 cents and you can ask them to add slush flavors to it for 15 cents each.
mango, pickle, and diet cherry are all 0 cal and taste really good, plus the ice cools you down bc summer is brutal
stay hydrated y'all ✨✨💙

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[Rant/Rave] First comment
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 107 | GW 100 | 18FtM]
Created: Sun Jul 15 00:04:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yzpf1/first_comment/
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i got my first comment about my weight loss this relapse, my cousin who i hadn't seen in 2 weeks (i lost 10lbs when i was visiting my dad) looked me up and down and went "you been eating?".

i know it's sick, but i missed comments like that. it felt good. agh :(

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ruptured esophagus
/u/idonthavea_cat
Created: Sat Jul 14 23:03:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yzeg7/ruptured_esophagus/
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Has anyone suffered / dealt with or known someone with a ruptured esophagus? Or have trouble swallowing?

On and off I've been having trouble swallowing and I fear this may be an issue I will have to address soon...

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[Discussion] DAE Fantasize about being on shows like Intervention?
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 85lbs | 16ish | -?lbs | f]
Created: Sat Jul 14 22:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yzct3/dae_fantasize_about_being_on_shows_like/
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I'm obsessed with shows of this nature and I always find myself lusting after getting my own episode. A big part of it is the attention. I'd adore weighing in on TV and showing off my bones and explaining the motions of a binge/purge session. I guess another part of it is that I feel like if i'm going to be this sick, I at least deserve some recognition/cash for it, but mostly, yeah, I just want to bask in the glow of being a clinically diagnosed freak and feeding the human fascination with oddities and misfortune.

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What time do you eat your meals?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Sat Jul 14 22:35:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yz94r/what_time_do_you_eat_your_meals/
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What times do you find it best to eat your meals? It’s 12:34 AM and have no idea when I should set my OMAD.

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Looking for comfort in my old community
/u/Idunnoking [5’1 | CW87.6| GW95 | 16F✨]
Created: Sat Jul 14 21:58:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yz1hx/looking_for_comfort_in_my_old_community/
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So I’m nearly at the end of my recovery, I’m already in a healthy bmi range but my team wants me to gain until 21. I have 5lbs to go. I’m on a meal plan & I rlly don’t want to be on on one anymore as I feel like this final stretch would be a great way of practising intuitive eating but alas, that doesn’t seem to be what they have in mind. Anyways, I’ve definitely experienced extreme hunger but lately I’ve been struggling w/ night time eating :-( & by that, I mean bottomless hunger by evening that leads to borderline binging behaviour . I just ate like a whole box of crackers, sugary cereal, & peanut butter, out of the jar. I feel so stupid as I don’t know if I should give in or not. I’m v anxious as before my restrictive ed, I overate ALOT & had a severely toxic relationship w/ food as a comfort/coping mechanism. I’m terrified to tell my team as I’m in family based treatment & they’ll make my parent take more control over my food again and that will depress me to no end. I’m also fucking angry they’re making me gain still when all these ppl ik going through treatment maintain on the low end of the healthy bmi range. I wouldn’t even care if they had told me I could of stopped gaining a while ago, and I gained to this point, as Atleast it would be my choice and I could make peace with that decision. I’m rlly struggling w/ urges to relapse skksnsfj
Sorry for even posting this, I unsubscribed a while back while going through this but I missed this community as the recovery community is actually more dangerous as many ppl aren’t even doing so, they’re just lying & continuing w behaviours. I missed the honesty and love everyone here possesses 💓
Anyways, I’d appreciate any advice greatly

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[Discussion] DAE stalk other reddit users and find out that they go on this subreddit too
/u/tangerine_twist [5'8 | CW: 157 | GW: 130 | 19F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 21:07:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yyrb5/dae_stalk_other_reddit_users_and_find_out_that/
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Sometimes I see a girl on lose it or some other random subreddit and end up looking through their post history just to see that they are on proED too! It always surprises me but somehow comforts me.

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what’s the most desperate thing your ed made you do?
/u/cinnamonpatt
Created: Sat Jul 14 20:59:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yypl1/whats_the_most_desperate_thing_your_ed_made_you_do/
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mine was throw up into cups...ew

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First "binge week" ever, feel like shit
/u/leftshoelauren [5'3"F | SW 185 | CW 162 | GW 110 | 🍑 tinyren]
Created: Sat Jul 14 20:43:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yym8n/first_binge_week_ever_feel_like_shit/
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I feel like absolute shit and just need somewhere to vent/rant

Tuesday was my birthday. I ate way more than planned and felt like shit. Swore I was going to do a fast afterward and I absolutely haven't lol.

Wednesday was ok. No eating.

Thursday? My roommate took me out to get wings and drinks. I ate an appetizer at the wing place (still way too caloric for comfort) and ordered a vodka lemonade. Then we went out for dessert. Yay for a massive brownie with ice cream. I wanted to die.

Yesterday I went on a trip to a small nearby town with my dad. On this trip I ate a huge meal with way too many potatoes and I wanted to die.

Today I did *okay.* My roommate (obese) eats out SO often and now that I'm not that busy with summer classes, we have been going out a lot more. I ate bulgogi kimbap today and got coffee with boba for dessert.

Basically I've over-eaten everyday this week and I feel SO uncomfortable and my body feels disgusting. I refuse to eat anymore this week. I hit a new LW of 161 on Tuesday and now I've ballooned to 166. I know a lot of it is food and water weight but I haven't laxxed in ages and haven't had a BM since Tuesday lol.

I don't know what's gotten into me- I *never* binge. Since my relapse I've completely stopped "mindlessly" eating food. I've been stuffing myself everyday since Tuesday when I'm not even slightly hungry. I feel sick.

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[Rant/Rave] The 18.6+ BMI, Doctors and that Dilemma
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 112 | 20.5 | -20 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 20:18:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yyh8b/the_186_bmi_doctors_and_that_dilemma/
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I very clearly remember going to a doctor in January 2018 and mentioning my previous severe battle with ana that left me in the beginning stages of organ failure, and how I was showing those habits again. Obsessive calorie counties, impulsive exercise to blackout extremes, and so forth. I mentioned I was worried I was relapsing. The man took one look at my then-current weight and BMI, and said I was healthy and left it at that. Soon, I went to a psychiatrist, said the same thing, and he asked if I was trying to be in control of something.

I said no. I just wanted to lose weight and be underweight, but it wasn’t a ‘control’ thing. He said that wasn’t possible and immediately changed subjects. This persisted for months, and when I finally dipped to BMI 19, did they suddenly show a tiny bit of concern. Concern, as in ‘eat more’.

Now, I’m using my spite as a drive. My next appointment I will be 95 lbs at the very most, and I’m going to make sure I mention how they brushed me off and reconsider doing that to another patient ever again. The fact that I was not taken seriously when I could have been saved is my main motivator. God. Why am I like this?

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Hooray for Glacier Cherry Gatorade Zero (found in a Walgreens in Miami)
/u/ProbablyNeedGlasses
Created: Sat Jul 14 20:06:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yyerf/hooray_for_glacier_cherry_gatorade_zero_found_in/
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https://i.redd.it/eo5eyg6as0a11.jpg

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Alcohol and junk food
/u/itsemptymarievel
Created: Sat Jul 14 19:53:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yybzs/alcohol_and_junk_food/
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The main staples of my diet. I would rather have 500 calories worth of candy than apples. Same goes for the alcohol. I always feel like I'm not a "professional anorexic" because of how unhealthy the food I eat is. Ed-ers who can eat nothing but cucumber all day inspire me. I'll probably never be this way though. The gas station and corner store will forever be my grocery market.

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[Discussion] going all out or eating nothing at all
/u/AgreeableReplacement [22F🍒5'8🍒~100lbs]
Created: Sat Jul 14 19:39:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yy940/going_all_out_or_eating_nothing_at_all/
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does anyone else have this mentality? like i can't just eat a portion and store the rest for later. i need to eat the entire bag/a huge serving or i fast. i can usually fast all day easily but once the evening rolls around i'll calculate my calories based on entire bags of things/huge servings of one thing. like 1000 calories worth of oatmeal, or a 1200 calorie bag of chips, or an entire pint of ben and jerrys lol. i can't trust myself not to inhale the entire thing.

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[Rant/Rave] Sick of being harassed by people in other subs
/u/xlaaane
Created: Sat Jul 14 19:28:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yy6o0/sick_of_being_harassed_by_people_in_other_subs/
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I don’t know if any of y’all experience this but I get so much hate from people on other subs to the point I feel unwelcome posting/commenting anywhere but here. when people see I post on here, they downvote my posts and comments on other subs, privately message me hateful things, and sometimes call me out like someone on a post about tattoos who felt the need to comment “the OP is involved heavily in a pro-ed sub” like...okay? that’s irrelevant. i’m just so tired of it I feel so alienated by this website. anyone else?

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[Discussion] Anyone get super hungry after a low day?
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Sat Jul 14 19:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yy0ht/anyone_get_super_hungry_after_a_low_day/
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I've had a few days where my calorie total was in the mid 600s. I normally end up in the high 700s and the day after a lower day I'm ravenous. I feel like 100 calories shouldn't make such a difference but it really does for me. I've thought about carrying over unused calories to the next day but I can't manage to see a number over 800 calories for a day.

Anyone else experience this?

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Discovered a new prevent-binge tactic. Every time I feel the urge very badly, I take a photo of me nude and draw it. I add flowers to make it pretty (I hate my body). Not only does this prevent a binge, it also helps my drawing (I know I’m bad lol), and tracks my progress :)
/u/a180life
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:54:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxz9g/discovered_a_new_preventbinge_tactic_every_time_i/
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https://i.redd.it/2u9vsjpef0a11.jpg

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I literally cannot purge
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:53:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxz0y/i_literally_cannot_purge/
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I know purging is completely awful for you and I'm not wanting tips on how to purge, but I've tried just about everything and just can't seem to do it. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this experience. It feels like another thing to add to my list of personal failures :(

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[Tip] Forgive your binges
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:50:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxyf2/forgive_your_binges/
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I had been losing and today was a bad day. I ate over 1000 calories. However, it was still less than my TDEE. So I know I didn’t gain. If anything it picked my metabolism back up. And tomorrow will be ok because I’ll probably do a fast from 6 pm to 6pm tomorrow. And evening will be back to normal.
Binges happen. No ones perfect. They happen but don’t get side tracked from them.

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[Rant/Rave] (Spi)Nacho average poem - beginni of de enD
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:49:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxy9b/spinacho_average_poem_beginni_of_de_end/
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I done caved in
I tell my mate
Asked should I run
At dis low weight??

No or yes
We battle BUT choose
It gud do sport
I keep my shoes

Da fren is harsh
But truth fren sed
Continue starving:
Leave uni, be ded

We meet up soon
N i shud go
Da day we meet
Will end Nacho

Some time dis week
Love n leave ProED
Maybe to recovr
i lik the bred !??

---

ED side affects you like?
/u/paavllova [🌸 5'5 • 99 lbs • 16.5 • f 🌸]
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:49:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxy8z/ed_side_affects_you_like/
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For me personally I love cold hands, feeling hungry, and when my stomach growls. I don't know why but when my stomach is satisfied, I'm not.

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Selling my horse so I can starve even more (rant)
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:45:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxxbr/selling_my_horse_so_i_can_starve_even_more_rant/
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Being an equestrian was my whole life until I developed an ED. It has been the only thing that makes me happy for a long time now, but I've gotten to the point where I'm too weak to ride. Even grooming my horse and tacking him up makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. I try to eat a little more so that I have energy to ride but I just can't fucking do it. I never thought it would come to this but I am literally selling my horse and quitting riding so that I can starve even more. I genuinely want to die.

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[Rant/Rave] A cautionary tale
/u/fvck13r [5'10 | 118 | 16.93/16.51 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:35:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxv04/a_cautionary_tale/
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I woke up this morning after having skipped dinner last night, got up to close the window shades and.....

!!!BAM!!!

Fainted and slammed my face into a corner. My nose is broken and I can’t exercise or do intensive activity for a while. I’m probably getting a nose-job though, so I guess it could be worse lol.



🙌🏻👌🏻🔥🙏🏻Restriction Pro-Tip🙏🏻🔥👌🏻🙌🏻

BE CAREFUL STANDING UP TOO QUICKLY OR YOU COULD END UP LIKE ME 😱

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Binged at my boyfriend’s birthday dinner, couldn’t purge it up
/u/Throw068472929485829 [5'2" | CW: 122 | GW: 118 | UGW: ?| 21F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:32:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxuen/binged_at_my_boyfriends_birthday_dinner_couldnt/
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Fuck me. I have no way to even calculate what I ate because the restaurant doesn’t post calories. This is what happens when I let myself have a night where I don’t worry about calories

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[Rant/Rave] I fainted on my way to the fridge
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:08:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxou2/i_fainted_on_my_way_to_the_fridge/
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And still my dumb brain was thinking 'i know you're literally dying but no you can't eat that cookie'. I hate living like this :)

I'm eating an apple now but I still feel so weak. Please don't allow yourselves to restrict to the point of fainting it isn't fun or worth it.

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I know a lot of us binge, but anyone just binge drink and then binge eat?
/u/RichBitchDress
Created: Sat Jul 14 18:00:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yxmtf/i_know_a_lot_of_us_binge_but_anyone_just_binge/
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So I'm very good at restricting, but then I have a drink (and thats why I'm the grossest I've ever been), then need another, then I get hungry and all of a sudden i've eaten six hot wings. Ughn, then I drink some more bc I dulled the drunkness with food.

I have been wallowing, I got laid off mid June and binge drank and ate for two weeks and gained 7 pounds and then I snapped out of it, and started the old regime up again and was doing well, but 7 days later only 2 pounds down and here I am drunk again and ate too much. But I will drink and eat more. Because drunk.

But I know, tomorrow I will fast and possibly be on my vomiting water near death bed.

Is anyone else suffering this way? I can't be the only alcoholic binger.

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[Help] Dissociation/derelization
/u/astro-punk
Created: Sat Jul 14 16:49:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yx5so/dissociationderelization/
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Does anyone else dissociate or derealize way harder when they have been restricting? Also does anyone have any tips on how to avoid that?

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What recipe do you guys make in bulk and eat on all week?
/u/mermaid_puppy [5'11" | 137lb | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 16:40:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yx3ud/what_recipe_do_you_guys_make_in_bulk_and_eat_on/
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I’m super busy and wish I had one or two bulk recipes I could make on the weekend. Then I’d have a safe food for all week prepped. What do you guys peep in large batches?

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[Rant/Rave] Told them
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:47.5kg(LW) | 16.4 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sat Jul 14 16:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywv3u/told_them/
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The shock of being at a new low weight and BMI 16.4 had me debating whether to temporarily stop running in order to lose weight less rapidly (or maintain idk).

After a lot of contemplation I told my friend I was struggling to decide what the best option is. It's been a while since I've had to do something as drastic, but hopefully they'll be able to help in my decision.

Meanwhile, imma sit here and drink my 235902th cup of tea and not eat lmao why am i like this

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Struggling
/u/Sp00ks13
Created: Sat Jul 14 15:54:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywsij/struggling/
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First post. Mostly a lurker because I find the candid conversation refreshing here and it helps me cope. However, I want to join the discord and I also just need to talk about this and I can't with anyone in my life.

I suffer from binge eating and bulimia. I don't always purge because I obsess about my teeth (ironic, right?). However, it has gotten pretty bad again. I was doing well with tracking my calories and making healthy choices. Then my Dad had two strokes in March. Things have deteriorated since then with my binging and purging.

I started seeing a psychiatrist to try and help my anxiety/OCD and now they think I have ADHD. She wants to put me on a medicine that helps but also works for binge eating. However, insurance doesn't like to cover it so we have been trying different doses of other medicines and it sucks. I hate bouncing around on meds and different strengths trying to find what works. I just want to try this new one because it sounds really promising.

Anyways. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

---

My ED trickery game is strong!!
/u/PandaApex22
Created: Sat Jul 14 15:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywpcg/my_ed_trickery_game_is_strong/
---
Today while out running errands my fiancé (who just found out about my ED this past week) wanted to grab some lunch at a sandwich place, but I’m going through a restriction phase and don’t want to eat anything. He convince me to eat something even though I was having anxiety about it, so I got the lowest cal sandwich as a lettuce wrap and ate a couple bites and was done. The thought of eating more than that was giving me anxiety, but in his loving way and thinking he was helping me with the ED made a deal that if I ate half of what was left he would finish it for me, which I accepted and just ate the lettuce off the outside and left the meat and cheese on the inside. He said that was cheating because he meant eat half vertically and not horizontally but I claimed he didn’t clarify to begin with so I was done and I won. Haha

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Halo top is in Canada superstore!
/u/welpthatreallysucks [♀ 5'4" | ⚖ 205 | -31lbs| 🇨🇦]
Created: Sat Jul 14 15:20:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywkby/halo_top_is_in_canada_superstore/
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Oh dear merciful Zeus! I just found halo top in superstore. ALERT TO CANADIANS

So excited!

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[Rant/Rave] I hate my period
/u/dragaynite
Created: Sat Jul 14 15:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywk4a/i_hate_my_period/
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It makes me go insane with cravings. I’m so weak. I always give in to the cravings and then hate myself after. I hate binging. I hate feeling full. I hate eating everything. My body looks so huge and bloated, I can feel the fat on my face and it makes me so so uncomfortable. I keep ruining my fasts by binging on stupid shit and then getting incredibly mad at myself. I’m supposed to be going to the beach tomorrow and I keep sabotaging myself. I know I don’t feel good after, I know it’s not worth it to eat, I know I’m going to hate myself and not have fun tomorrow.

Sorry, don’t mind me, I just needed to rant real quick. I’m just upset and feel like a big ugly balloon right now >:(

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[Other] Almost every single day I ruin my restricting with a binge. I hate myself. 😭
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Sat Jul 14 15:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywhur/almost_every_single_day_i_ruin_my_restricting/
---

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DAE jaw clench while restricting?
/u/lalalalauren20
Created: Sat Jul 14 15:04:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywgb3/dae_jaw_clench_while_restricting/
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I find I do this frequently. Most of the times it's subconscious but sometimes I feel like if I create this seal with my jaw then my willpower to restrict increases...

Either way, I've been trying to stop because it hurts and tenses up. Does anyone have any tips?

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I'm bouncing for now. I love you all.
/u/AnAccidentSince1997 [5'10'' | CW: 183 | GW: 160 | Weight Lost: 42 lb | F 21]
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:55:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywdw3/im_bouncing_for_now_i_love_you_all/
---
I'm going to seriously try to recover. I might not be successful and I might be back at some point, but for now I'm going to unsubscribe.

I love you all. This sub has been great for me and has helped me not fear or feel so ashamed of my ED. I know people look down on communities like this, but that's because, from the outside, they don't see all of the support and growth that can come from here. Once again, I love you all and wish you all the best.

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[Other] add me on peach!
/u/biztit [5'8" | 125 | 18.8 | female]
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:48:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ywcac/add_me_on_peach/
---
biztit

It’s like the Twitter I’ve never had!

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[Rant/Rave] summertime sadness
/u/jennifers-body
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yw9u7/summertime_sadness/
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***honestly just ignore this lol unless u wanna hear me cry about weight & GAINING IT BACK IN THE SUMMERTIME but you’re welcome to vent or rant about the same in the comments ly***

does anyone else gain weight in the summertime? i know it’s like, by the book for restrictive or otherwise intended weight loss eating disorders to lose weight in the summertime, and i’m one of the ones who of course wants to / is not happy if i gain weight bc obviously i wear very short/tight/showy clothing in summer but fuck. here’s a quick backstory & my problem...:

ever since i went to [drug] rehab april 17, 2017 i noticed a pattern. when i was getting clean i gained weight of course, i continued gaining weight when i got out. i gained 22 lbs just from rehab and the month after. i guess i was still assuming and hoping with all my being that i could get high again and would lose all the weight once that happened, but long story short i will be in very big trouble with both the law and my SO if i did/do lol, so thankfully that hasn’t happened, but i didn’t fully start to face the reality that it wouldn’t until my 21st bday that september. so i turned back to my eating disorder behaviors for distraction, company, and its own personal high.

thanks to that (plus the depression and panic of a couple personal/family tragedies) i slowly lost the weight throughout fall & winter. spring i pretty much maintained. and it gets warm and boom here we are again.

my weight hasn’t gone up *that* much but i’m going crazy at how much more often i want food and think i need it cuz of cravings even when i’m soooo full that it hurts. (it’s bc of all the JUNK my SO’s dad has in the house that i remember these foods enough to crave them!!!!)

i should prolly stop waiting (i almost just spelled it weighting fml) until 5-8pm to eat anything so that i don’t go wild at night and eat balanced all day long so that i don’t continuously get subconsciously ravenous throughout the day. but i do that all winter too and it doesn’t make me gain so wtf. anyways, this was supposed to be a short post and turned quite long so my apologies, i just want to be open for discussion and let other people know they can rant and vent to me too.
so, anyone else? or do you know the science to this if there is any? lmfao. fml. love u all

---

Not getting results is very discouraging
/u/synchronality
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:37:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yw9cr/not_getting_results_is_very_discouraging/
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So recently I’ve learned that my eating disorder is mostly fuelled by instant results, because I’m finding it almost impossible to stick to restricting now that nothing is working. I ate around 300-1000 calories everyday last week or two walked at least an hour a day and played Just Dance super energetically for at least an hour a day, usually more, and at the end of it... nothing. I lost like three pounds the first few days but I’ve gained it back. I don’t even know how this is possible first of all, unless it’s all water and waste weight? I might’ve gained some muscle too since I went from literally not moving at all for months to walking and dancing a lot so that’s might explain some of the weight at least. Idk though, every other time I’ve “relapsed” I’ve lost an average of 1 pound a day, and I definitely weigh more now than my last starting weight so I don’t know what gives.

And the fact that I’m not seeing any results (the only change is I’m super bloated now) is really discouraging and making it hard to keep trying and stay motivated. I’ve just been bingeing the past few days, and especially today, and I hate myself and also the human body sucks.

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[Discussion] DAE keep themselves up at night reading weightloss articles?
/u/celestial1305
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:24:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yw67g/dae_keep_themselves_up_at_night_reading/
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I've seem to have found myself with extreme technologically induced insomnia. I find myself on my phone looking at thinspo/r-weightloss/wieghtloss studies/googling different weightloss idea or questions I have for hours. I can keep myself up all night. Within the last week I've been keeping myself up until like 6 or 7am. I have been trying to lose weight my whole life on and off and have been suffering from bulimia/ana for about 5 months now(with little luck) All I can think about is if there are new or better ways to lose weight that I haven't heard of yet. I start obsessing and have to look it up when something comes to mind. usually things are coming to mind when I'm in bed trying to go to sleep.

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[Rant/Rave] To be honest, I'd thought I'd recovered...
/u/PaisleyStars
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:19:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yw4q4/to_be_honest_id_thought_id_recovered/
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And then today I wound up stressed out and panicked for completely unrelated reasons and my immediate reaction was to go and stick my fingers down my throat. Yay brain.

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[Rant/Rave] Why am I so lame?
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Sat Jul 14 14:16:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yw3zm/why_am_i_so_lame/
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I have a bunch of friends who are so cool and hot. The go to tons of concerts, great fashion sense. And yet here I am in some type of hospital for the third time this summer. For ED and all my other psych issues. What the fuck. I’m just salty as shit.

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Is stomach pain after eating normal?
/u/kernalmustache [5'7" ♀ | CW 100lbs | BMI 15.9 | SW 130lbs]
Created: Sat Jul 14 13:58:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yvzav/is_stomach_pain_after_eating_normal/
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So idk how underweight I am (flair is just a guess), but when I looked in the mirror I realized I was down at least another inch on my waist today. (Now at 22" if that tells you anything) I was kinda shocked because I actually ate a normal amount of food yesterday. Anyway, I was hungry just now so I decided to eat some instant ramen, but before I finished my stomach was hurting and I kinda feel like throwing up. This really sucks because I've been planning on going to a party tonight and I don't want to be sick :(

---

For someone who eats less than <900 cals daily, I spend a ton of think thinking about food and shopping and cooking
/u/Throw068472929485829 [5'2" | CW: 122 | GW: 118 | UGW: ?| 21F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 13:35:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yvtg9/for_someone_who_eats_less_than_900_cals_daily_i/
---
Anyone else do this?

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[Discussion] What appetite suppressants have you had success with?
/u/reanbean117
Created: Sat Jul 14 13:34:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yvt1n/what_appetite_suppressants_have_you_had_success/
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I'm taking 5 htp currently. It blocks cravings for carbs. :)

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[Help] Where to put binge food?
/u/800goat [5'6"| CW: 129 | 20.8 | GW: 106 | M]
Created: Sat Jul 14 13:27:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yvrfc/where_to_put_binge_food/
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I am (still) in a binge phase and have absolutely no self control. I've thrown away a LOT of foods but now I'm left with the ones that I can't throw away because I live with other people. Foods like peanut butter, pancake mix, and literally any baking supply because I WILL try to make a fucking cake or some shit.

I've thought of putting all of these "bad" foods into a cupboard together and labeling it off limits for myself but I don't think that would do anything because once I'm in a binge mood I won't care. Do any of you guys do something like this that works for you?

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[Discussion] DAE feel like eating food that's a little spicy helps them eat less/restrict more?
/u/bluebirdhall
Created: Sat Jul 14 13:27:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yvrd9/dae_feel_like_eating_food_thats_a_little_spicy/
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Because I feel like it helps me but I don't know if it causes bloating or anything. And I don't mean like eating spicy buffalo wings or anything high calorie like that. I mean seasoning your food with chili powder or cayenne powder or maybe hot sauce?

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What body part are you fixated on that most people don't really care about?
/u/ILoveLupSoMuch [5'9" | cw:135 | gw:120 | NB]
Created: Sat Jul 14 12:53:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yvint/what_body_part_are_you_fixated_on_that_most/
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Hip/waist measurements are for normies how do you feel about your elbows??

I *hate* my calves!! They are so big compared to the rest of me I swear they touch more than my thighs do. They look okay from the side (which leads to me constantly staring at my reflection in windows as I'm walking past) but from the front and back it's like I've got orbs of muscle glued to my legs.

---

[Rant/Rave] I decided to eat “normally” today...
/u/_Pulltab_ [ 5'7" | CW 177| BMI 27.7 | -18 |GW 135 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 12:19:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yv9tm/i_decided_to_eat_normally_today/
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...and my anxiety is sky high.

I’ve been restricting, petty solidly, for about 7 weeks. I dropped a bunch off the bat (I have a lot to lose) and then the past week or so I’ve been just bouncing the same 2-3 pounds. Last night I kicked myself out of keto, somewhat on purpose, and this morning I decided to just eat like a “normal” person today. I don’t even know what that means anymore.

I also decided that I’m not even going to log my food today. I already logged breakfast and it’s more than I normally eat in day. Hello, total flip out! I considered going back and deleting it. I feel like if it’s there, I’m compelled to log anything else I eat.

Gah! Why can’t I take a day off? I just want one day where I’m not constantly thinking about what I’m eating or not eating!

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[Help] So like...
/u/sofied9
Created: Sat Jul 14 11:59:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yv4hy/so_like/
---
I made a few of the same post by accident and I'm new here so how do you delete them

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[Rant/Rave] Weight
/u/sofied9
Created: Sat Jul 14 11:54:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yv31z/weight/
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LOSING 5 POUNDS IS NOTHING TO ME

BUT IF I GAIN EVEN .1 POUNDS IT'S THE END OF ME

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Weight
/u/sofied9
Created: Sat Jul 14 11:50:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yv23e/weight/
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IF I LOSE 5 POUNDS THAT MEANS NOTHING TO ME

BUT IF I GAIN EVEN .1 POUNDS IT'S THE END FOR ME

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Weight
/u/sofied9
Created: Sat Jul 14 11:48:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yv1hn/weight/
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https://i.redd.it/w466daxbby911.png

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When you accidentally order a shit load of food😭😭
/u/hottNpopular69
Created: Sat Jul 14 11:44:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yv0i7/when_you_accidentally_order_a_shit_load_of_food/
---
So I definitely was going to order a burger bowl from 5 guys, to be healthy but filling cause I work on my feet all weekend.


Why do I have $16 worth of McDonald’s on its way from Uber eats? This is gonna be a bitch to purge 😭😭


What’s wrong with me!!!!

---

Smol Recovery Victory
/u/pinkaloe [5'9 |119 | 17.26 | -41 F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 11:39:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yuz9f/smol_recovery_victory/
---
Hey y'all, lurker here and I am just so happy right now that I just need somewhere to share fwjfhkwehjek


A bit of background: I've been distance running for about two years now, and I admittedly started using running as a way to fuel the eating disorder mindset (as any ED peeps tend to do). Been back and forth between "eating for performance" (ie. eating all the carbs, have completed a half marathon doing so) and "eating to be smol" (low carb, orthorexic tendencies). Last couple months at Uni were stressful, leaving me at my lowest weight eve

Ever since summer has hit, I've been back and forth on a recovery mindset. One week it'll be good, I'll be enjoying carbs, livin' life, end up hating myself and out myself back on low carb. Every time I go back to low carb running becomes incredibly difficult and I really hate putting myself through it.

Last night, after a rough ED low-carb week, I binged on all kinds of ice cream, hummus, pita, fruit: basically all the carbs and fats. This carried onto this morning. Basically ate two breakfasts and loaded my coffee with all the goodies. I didn't even care post-binge.

I felt good. Good enough to run. I normally run 7 miles three times a week, and it's been extremely difficult for previously stated reasons; I already had put in my 21 weekly mileage as well. I don't normally plan to run on Saturdays/weekends, but since I had excess energy I decided to just run for however long my body wants to take me.


I just got back; I ran eleven miles. I am so close to being able to complete a half marathon again! I am so excited! I was super scared that once autumn hit, I would be too feeble from the ED to be able to do another half. There's hope!!!


TL;DR
binged on carbs and fats. didn't care in the slightest. ran eleven miles like it was nothing (and not as a coping mechanism!) feel like a god. (':

---

[Goal] My 11-Week Plan
/u/2ndfirstday [:redditgold: 5'5" | C 103.6 | G 95 | :downvote:2.4 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 11:28:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yuw90/my_11week_plan/
---
Hello, I'm back (surprise).

After doing some calculations this morning, here's the plan I've come up with:

* **1048 MAXIMUM INTAKE.** No matter what. This is kind of high for r/proED standards, but it's lower than where I'm at currently. I cannot eat any more than this amount in one day.
* **310 MINIMUM BURN.** I have a gym membership. Use it. This will probably mostly be cardio, since I love the ellipticals, and I also want to go to all of the gym classes available to me. I don't have excuses anymore.
* Always take daily **vitamins**, always drink **water**, keep **fiber** in mind when planning meals. I have IBS-C (basically chronic constipation), so I will also be taking laxatives at least twice a day. Really wish I could shit normally.
* **Stairs instead of the elevator** after work every day (also before work if I get there early enough, but I'm gonna be honest, that never happens). Also take quick walks during breaks in Pomodoro technique.
* **Yoga/meditation & deep stretching before bed** \- and also please stick to a **bedtime of 10:30** for the love of god I need more sleep. Apparently more sleep helps with weight loss as well, so there's some motivation.

Here are some estimated weight checkpoints (I'll come back to update these):

* ~~(7/14): 103.6~~
* (7/17): 102
* (7/25): 101
* (8/04): 100
* (8/14): 99 !!!
* (8/25): 98
* (9/06): 97
* (9/18): 96
* (10/1): 95 GOAL WEIGHT

I'll be traveling in October to visit my LDR, so I really want to be at 95 lbs by then. I will be writing my goals for the day every morning in the daily thread, and I always live-track on MyFitnessPal (dm me for my username). And a final note to self: **Read this page every day**. I'm not joking. Read it every single morning before you go to write up your intake plan in the thread for the day. Read it twice a day. Read it five times a day. Just keep reading it. You can get to 95 again, I promise you.

---

ED, the ultimate distractor
/u/halostop
Created: Sat Jul 14 11:02:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yup6i/ed_the_ultimate_distractor/
---
My therapist and I were talking about how my eating disorder keeps me from ruminating on my other failures: school, work, social life, etc. She asked me, "why focus on food, and not like, obsessive cleaning or something?"

My ED gives me 1,000 things to focus on and measure:
*calories
*body size in inches
*weight
*portion size
*macros
*nutrition
*hunger levels
*clothing sizes
*visual body checks
*exercise
*steps
*water consumption
*endless articles to read on what to eat, what not to eat, when to eat, how to eat

"I see. So you really found the ultimate distractor."

---

Drunken binges are low key great
/u/sadgab_ [5'8.5 | CW:121| GW: 118 | 19F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 10:35:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yuicc/drunken_binges_are_low_key_great/
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Cause it’s one of the only times where it is socially appropriate to throw up all your food, everyone just thinks you’re really fucking drunk and then it’s funny too when you wake up the next morning basically fine and everyone thinks you’re hardcore for not being dead hungover

---

I discovered the store I work at sells 8 packs of sugar free jello. 5 calories a cup, and it's about a pound and a half of jello.
/u/EDthrowaway343
Created: Sat Jul 14 10:06:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yuaqm/i_discovered_the_store_i_work_at_sells_8_packs_of/
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This is a fucking game changer. For the past week, I wake up, go to work hungry, stay hungry but busy, then near the end of my shift, I buy the jello. It fills me up totally for 40 calories and absolutely no nutritional value. I go to sleep 2 hours later relatively satisfied.

This is fantastic. I have only consumed like 300 calories the whole week. That's an easy 5 pounds gone.

---

Being surrounded by pretty skinny girls and food, so much fun
/u/unepetiteame
Created: Sat Jul 14 10:00:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yu96k/being_surrounded_by_pretty_skinny_girls_and_food/
---
I'm being forced to go to my best friends birthday bbq, which normally is fine, but the fact that all the other girls are so beautiful and thin, and wear such amazing clothes (pretty short skirts and tight dresses and crop tops) makes me feel sick as I'm sitting here in my jeans and t-shirts, because I will never be as beautiful as them. Also have to stay away from the food as everyone always makes fun of the fat girl who eats too much :)) if anyone wants to kill me, I'd appreciate it greatly.

Also, I've been lurking on here for a while and decided to make a throwaway to post, so hi :)

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[Rant/Rave] ripped a $150 tech suit (swimmers plz read)
/u/waterslutt
Created: Sat Jul 14 09:53:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yu7br/ripped_a_150_tech_suit_swimmers_plz_read/
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to all my fellow swimmers i have a champ meet this weekend and i wanted to get a new suit so i could (hopefully) make finals this year. while i was squeezing into the suit with my sister’s help my fat fucking legs ripped the suit. there’s just one big tear right where the crotch is and i want to fucking kill myself. i don’t even want to swim anymore i just want to crawl in a whole and die. why did i even bother going a size down?? why did i suddenly think i could squeeze my way into that thing. FUCK. i just want to stay in bed forever. everyone else is gonna be suited up in pretty expensive tech suits looking like super models and im gonna be the fat whale on deck looking like she doesn’t even belong there. FUUCKKK MEE

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I’m not sick enough
/u/Lucifers_Girlfriend
Created: Sat Jul 14 09:44:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yu53i/im_not_sick_enough/
---
Purging up to 15 times weekly, but I’m not sick enough. I’m not underweight, I still go to school. I’m just not sick enough.




I wish they’d admit me inpatient. I’m scared. I’m hurting.

---

Sun's out boobs out.
/u/StillNotBrenda [ 5'4 | CW 143.8| BMI 24.6| WL 0| F | GW 120 |UGW 115 | LW 114]
Created: Sat Jul 14 09:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yu3re/suns_out_boobs_out/
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I'm at a charity volleyball game and literally every person is in beach ware. Every girl has boobs out and butt and I'm sitting here doing a constant comparison. I can handle thin girls normally but seeing so many that I wish I looked like is just so God damn triggering. Can it be fall already? Not hating just jelly :)

---

I can't continue like this
/u/AnAccidentSince1997 [5'10'' | CW: 183 | GW: 160 | Weight Lost: 42 lb | F 21]
Created: Sat Jul 14 09:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ytvd5/i_cant_continue_like_this/
---
Things have been so bad lately. I've been back into heavy heavy restriction for almost 2 months now, and I'm feeling so torn apart. I'm losing my hair (I'm trans and the fear and anxiety this is causing me is making me very very depressed), I'm weak and bruised and achy and I'm so fucking tired because I hardly sleep anymore. The last two days I've almost vomited and passed out on multiple occasions from extreme exhaustion. I can't fucking keep doing this I feel like I'm fucking dying.

I'm eating 1000 calories today. I'm fucking doing it. I know it's not a lot, but it's far more than my usual 300-400. And I'm eating 1000 calories tomorrow. And the next day. I don't feel comfortable going above that right now, but I'm going to that amount. Hopefully my hair stops falling out, and I stop being so weak, and I can sleep.

Hopefully I don't get obese again.

---

[Rant/Rave] How do I kindly tell my hypocritical friend to F* off? [Rant]
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh
Created: Sat Jul 14 09:04:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ytva1/how_do_i_kindly_tell_my_hypocritical_friend_to_f/
---
My friend we’ll call Cara has an ED. We lived together for 3 months and the only calories I saw her buy and consume were wine. She occasionally bought other things but would just make it to share ie. feed to other people. She moved out but still lives in the area so we visit each other occasionally. She’s 5’4” maybe 90-100lbs Total thinspo for some people.

Anyway once I started losing weight she immediately started making comments about how much better I looked before. And how now I was too skinny. My BMI is about 22 right now, and I have no plans on stopping before I get to 19.5. Yesterday she just wouldn’t shut up about how I looked too skinny now and that I looked great before. MY before was 216lbs, I was gross. I look and feel so much better now. I’m mostly just angry that she has the audacity to talk about me like this when I NEVER say anything disparaging about her weight.

Now let it be said that I have some disordered eating habits, I fully admit to that and I’m working to change it. But I’m still at a healthy weight. Why in the world does she feel the need to comment on my weight?

I love everyone in the sub you’re all so supportive and understanding. Plus I feel like if we were friends in real life you guys wouldn’t make rude comments about my weight!

---

Can we STOP projecting our insecurities into other people?
/u/ethereal-ethernet [5'6 | 118 | GW 103 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 08:38:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ytp5x/can_we_stop_projecting_our_insecurities_into/
---
I just saw yet another post on this sub trashing r/1200isplenty for apparently being an “ED sub”

First of all, that post breaks r/proed rules and if you’re going to participate in a community you should probably follow their rules

But that’s not my only problem with that post and countless others I’ve seen similar to it

Just because there are some people who use r/1200isplenty to lose weight unhealthily and have some disordered habitsl, there are many others for whom 1200 calories a day is a perfectly healthy intake. Just glancing around that sub I see that most people there are overweight and trying to become healthy, and most are short and sedentary women who likely have TDEEs of 1500-1700 calories.

Just because you cannot fathom losing weight in a healthy way, or because 1200 calories is not a healthy intake for you, doesn’t mean that there aren’t some people who are truly benefitting from that sub. We should be respectful of that.

---

Wtf?
/u/lrgfrieschocoshake
Created: Sat Jul 14 08:29:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ytn0c/wtf/
---
Two days ago, I binged. I purged what I could but overall still took in more calories than I wanted to- I expected not to lose. I lost .4 of a lb. Yesterday, I restricted to less than 500 cal, and the scale hasn’t budged. Wtf gives?

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[Discussion] Bobble Heads
/u/HaveASchpadoinkleDay
Created: Sat Jul 14 07:41:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ytc3a/bobble_heads/
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I’m 12 pounds down this month, just hit a progress goal weight this morning and doing a happy dance about it (Still quite far from UGW though).

This got me thinking. I have a very large sized head objectively (so hat sizes and experience tells me). I feel like most people don’t notice now since I’m overweight. My question is, does anyone feel like when they hit their ultimate goal weight their gigantic craniums started looking like bobble heads all of a sudden? Or felt this way about any thinspo girls?

I don’t know that it would be a bad thing, necessarily. Maybe it would make your body look more dwarfed? Idk. The things my disordered brain becomes preoccupied with...

---

Results
/u/daphoobear
Created: Sat Jul 14 07:18:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yt775/results/
---
So ithe only thing thats made me happy all week. I'm down 4lbs from 154 to 150. Started restricting hard and doing cico. I know this is not healthy but I want to hit 120 Sept

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[Discussion] DAE get kinda upset when their super skinny friend says that they "eat like a horse"???
/u/BIueJayWay [5"3| CW:105 |GW: 102 |BMI:19 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 07:17:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yt715/dae_get_kinda_upset_when_their_super_skinny/
---
I really don't want to upset anyone so I'm not gonna use any harsh words or anything. but know that this upsets me way more than this post would lead you to believe.


My friend is super thin. Like, BMI 16 thin. And she constantly says that she eats more than all of us combined, that she eats like crazy and never gains weight basically.

Now, this is physically impossible. *Nobody* eats more than they burn and loses weight. Nobody eats more than they burn and *not gain weight*. But like.. her regular order at McDonald's is *four chicken nuggets*, and she doesn't see the irony in that. she ain't even finish her fries most of the time..

She isn't magical though! What she is, however, is one of the "lucky ones", ones who have a small appetite, that's all. maybe she doesnt realise it because its all relative after all, but.. "Fast metabolism"?? Nah lol. Just someone who's used to snacking throughout the day but only sitting down for a meal once. Meal? More like a slice of lasagna..

I've never said this out loud, and I never will. My illness is mine to deal with and my hyperfocus on everyone's BMI's and eating habits is to be kept to myself only.. sigh.

But Lord, this disorder has turned me to.. someone else entirely. A jealous spiteful jerk. i'm such a bitch. I hate it.

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[Discussion] Weird 'tricks' that you've developed because of your ED?
/u/CharlieJScarper [5"1 | 96lbs | 18.1 | Trans Male :cat_blep:]
Created: Sat Jul 14 07:14:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yt6a5/weird_tricks_that_youve_developed_because_of_your/
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Have you ever caught yourself doing weird stuff to cut the calories or hide things from other people?

In the past week I've hidden protein powder in a can meant for hot chocolate mix, put low calorie cooking spray in a bottle made for olive oil and made a hollow space in the back of my bookshelf to hide the kitchen scales. It would be ingenious if it wasn't so depressing...

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[Rant/Rave] Onederland!!!!!
/u/shrirnpheavennow [5'10| CW: 200.2|SW: 230 | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 07:01:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yt3k6/onederland/
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So I think I mentioned this in another post but I was doing like a really controlled healthy weight loss for a couple months and lost weight slowly but steadily but then binging kicked in and I stopped eating good and started binging like 3-4 times a week for three months and I could FEEL the weight forming back around me and I was avoiding weighing myself like the plague. I finally did earlier this week and I had put on twelve pounds and it pushed me up over 200 pounds again and it was just devastating. I was restricting super hard during the week and fasted for 24 hours yesterday and finally broke it with 120 calories worth of tostitos and a nature valley bar and I felt immensely guilty. This morning I woke up and was like dreading getting on the scale and TMI alert but I could feel I was constipated and was sitting on the toilet trying to get it out but I finally gave up and weighed myself and I lost 7 pounds this week!!!!! I was so positive I was going to put on weight between last night and today because I ate more than I wanted to, but seeing a weight that started with a 1 on the scale has motivated me more than anything else. Now I just gotta stay on track for this weekend!!!

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[Help] Any good weight tracker apps?
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Sat Jul 14 06:23:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ysweg/any_good_weight_tracker_apps/
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I need an app just for weight tracking. Without one I tend to weigh everyday and that's just awful for my mental health. I don't want a food tracker since I use SHYE for that and it's so much better than mfp for me. I use android and you get super duper up votes and my undying love and admiration if it's on F-Droid.

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[Rant/Rave] I hate scales.
/u/biztit
Created: Sat Jul 14 06:16:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ysv6d/i_hate_scales/
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For once in the past ten or so years, I felt somewhat ok with my body. Yeah, I’m flabby, but i just started biking again so that can help. But for once I was like, “Maybe I’ll stop calorie counting! I can eat when I’m hungry!” I’ve been pretty good ED-wise the last few months (I was in treatment October 2017-November 2018) and have generally been eating what should be a maintenance level for me, with some good days, some bad days.

Note: i have no scales in my apartment. My boyfriend hid them (per my request) at his old house and idk where they are. I can’t buy a new one.

Bring me to yesterday. The house I’m pet sitting at has a scale! Oh joyous day. I got on and IT SAYS I’VE GAINED 4 POUNDS SINCE MARCH, when I last weighed myself. Um... WHAT! I was so happy to be in the lower 120s and now this dumbass says I’m in the high 120s. I’m so irritated. I can’t even eat maintenance without gaining weight. It’s so frustrating and I’m just a big blob of human fat.

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! July 14, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jul 14 06:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ysu7g/stupid_questions_saturday_july_14_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for July 14, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 14, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jul 14 06:10:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ysu3b/daily_food_diary_july_14_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 14, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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Maintaining my weight / eating at TDEE but lost my period?
/u/bmalaur [5'4" | 24F | HW: 127 | CW: 103 | LW: 85]
Created: Sat Jul 14 06:04:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yssz3/maintaining_my_weight_eating_at_tdee_but_lost_my/
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I've been maintaining my weight at an \~18.0 BMI for several months now and have even increased my calories to approx. 1500/day. My mood has stabilized a lot and I don't feel a lot of the physical symptoms associated with restriction. I realize my weight is not great and I am not eating in a way that's unrestricted, but I haven't had any medical flags come up.

My period has been normal this entire time and all of a sudden I lost it this month (or it's going to come really late...). Has this happened to anyone else? I mean I realize that losing your period is a byproduct of anorexia but I'm not restricting or continuing to lose so I'm not sure why I would just suddenly lose it VS periods when I ate a lot less or was exercising more.

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[Discussion] Are artificial sweeteners actually bad for your health? A peer reviewed and credible journal article discussion
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -3.6 | 21F ]
Created: Sat Jul 14 05:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ysqrw/are_artificial_sweeteners_actually_bad_for_your/
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I wanted to have this post because often we say in this sub that AS, or nonnutritive sweeteners, are bad and we know it even though we still use them. But are they *actually* bad for us? I found two articles, one by Harvard Health and one by Mayo Clinic, that say no, they are not bad for us in the same ways that real sugar can be, with obesity and diabetes. I want to have a discussion on this, so pull up google scholar and let’s get talking AS!

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/artificial-sweeteners-sugar-free-but-at-what-cost-201207165030

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/artificial-sweeteners/art-20046936

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[Discussion] In case we ever get banned
/u/SpeckledBalloon [✨ 5'2" | CW 110 | BMI 20 | GW 103 ✨]
Created: Sat Jul 14 05:32:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ysnl1/in_case_we_ever_get_banned/
---
Can we have a backup subreddit ready? Like [r/EDsupport](reddit.com/r/EDsupport) or [r/posED](reddit.com/r/posED)

This is one of the best support communities on the Internet. I’d hate to see it just disappear without notice one day. I think having a backup plan in place would be comforting.

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Tfw you mention a binge as being why you ate too much a few nights ago
/u/FAYGOLMAO [5'8 | CW: 🐘 | -10lb | F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 05:00:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ysidj/tfw_you_mention_a_binge_as_being_why_you_ate_too/
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And they say "youre just making excuses".

First he got pissed off that i asked him to turn off the kitchen light while he was walking out (i was already in bed). Then he yelled at me for probably 10 minutes saying its my job to have the dishes done and he cant even make ramen because there were dishes in the sink (6 of them) so he uses a dirty pot. He yelled that i should just go live with my parents again. He yelled that i am using him because i dont do anything and he does it all. He tells me to go back to my parents. He yells fuck you at me. I get up anf get dressed to leave and then its all "come here lets talk" like ??? I was leaving lije you tokd me to. But nope "you didnt do the one thing youre supposed to" so i say "sorry for missing the dishes this ONE time". He says "you eat all the groceries." He knows ive had problens with binging for a while. I tell him "im sorry i binged. I didnt mean to" so ge says "youre just making excuses. Take responsibility." Then he starts yelling again because i went to see my friend.

So i just finished washing all the dishes. Im sitting outside smoking. He passed out on the floor. Im so upset right now for real. Yeah i fucked up but i really think he shouldnt have talked to me like that.

Sorry for the rant. I know its hard to read i just needed to get it out.

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[Rant/Rave] Despite what the disorder says, I miss eating.
/u/hannahbananapyjama
Created: Sat Jul 14 04:44:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ysfyq/despite_what_the_disorder_says_i_miss_eating/
---
I know it’s a common misconception (among those who don’t have it) that people with ED hate food, but I really love it. I miss it so much. The feeling of being able to push through a 25 hour fast, to eat less than 300cal a day, to see my ribs and collar bones and hip bones start to poke out. is addicting, I’ll admit. The weakness and exhaustion and depression and emotional emptiness, is not. I hate obsessing over food. I watch YouTube videos of other people eating to try and “satiate” myself and it obviously doesn’t work. But, my *brain* doesn’t work either, so who knows. I ran out of gum and coke zeros and can’t be fucking bothered to get more. I don’t want to be seen by people irl, despite having lost 50lb since March and being smaller than I have been in 5 years. I don’t think I’ve told my therapist yet, but I just told my fiancé the other day. He always reacts so weirdly. But now he tries to force me to eat. Every bite I take is pleasure spiked with pain. I want more but I know I’d absolutely hate myself and regret it. There’s no point to this rant. Maybe if I write it out I’ll stop obsessing over food and my intake?

Lololol yeah, right. *end me now*

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Why nobody mentions Natreen fruit?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Sat Jul 14 04:34:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ysefg/why_nobody_mentions_natreen_fruit/
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So we have these fruits that come in a glas and are sweetened with artificial sweetener from the Natreen brand. Yes, AS are really unhealthy (and I'm trying to have less, but it's really hard to give up all vices when you're restricting lol) and real fruit would be much better, I know.

But for some reason, these are REALLY low in calories. Like, a whole glas of strawberries is like 17 calories. Glas of blueberries is 12. Peaches are like 57, and there are so much more varieties. How come these are seemingly lower than the actual fruits? I don't get it!

Also, do you think I'd need to count the liquid they come in, since it's basically just sweetener and a bit of colouring juice concentrate? I usually count the fruits but still use the liquid - like this morning, I used half of a glas for a smoothie, had a handful of spinach, ice, 100ml alpro coconut drink and came up with a giant bottle of the sweetest coconut-berry smoothie ever for 38 calories! So sweet that I'll use half next time even :D

This sounds too good to be true tho? :/

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[Discussion] Short girls, how many calories do you consider okay?
/u/hiruth
Created: Sat Jul 14 04:24:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yscz2/short_girls_how_many_calories_do_you_consider_okay/
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I am 5’3 and some change, just used the tdee calculator, and I’m supposed to be able to eat 1500 but that seems like an insane and NOT OKAY amount to me??

Looking at that, I can’t see how I can possibly not gain weight!

I know everyone is different and has different amounts of fat, body shapes, muscle, and activity levels. However, I am curious about other short girls’ mindsets...

To me, 1000 calories sounds like a healthy amount for losing weight or maintaining, depending on if you exercise or not... maybe 1200. I personally feel in control and successful at 800, though I’m sure that may not be considered healthy!

What’s your “okay to you” number and what’s your recommended or “healthy” number?

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Is fitbit worth it?
/u/FeliCat [5'7 | CW 137 | GW 120]
Created: Sat Jul 14 04:14:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ysbdd/is_fitbit_worth_it/
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Been thinking about getting a fitbit to track my walks (I shoot for at least 15k steps a day) and my tdee, but I've heard some people claim that the Fitbit's calories burned can be grossly inaccurate :/

To those of you who have one, would you say that it's worth the $$$? I'm kind of strapped for cash atm so I'm not sure if it's worth the splurge.

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[Rant/Rave] being trans & having an ed is hell
/u/clownentine
Created: Sat Jul 14 03:01:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ys066/being_trans_having_an_ed_is_hell/
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this fucking sucks! if I were skinny, I'd have a smaller, flatter chest. if I were skinny, I could pass easier. if I were skinny, I could at least be androgynous, but because of how fat I am, I can see how *girlish* I look and the ed just makes it worse. I can't help but scrutinize every single piece of my body and seeing my body is a huge dysphoria trigger. I have so many curves and squish, it's gross to me and it doesn't feel like my body exactly.

being trans already makes me super hyper aware of how my body looks so whenever I'm having a bad day I just see it more? I can see how I just look like a girl playing dress-up. it's quite honestly depressing.

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[Rant/Rave] I recently found out that my scale has been inaccurate this entire time
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Sat Jul 14 03:00:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yrzx8/i_recently_found_out_that_my_scale_has_been/
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My scale has always been in my bathroom, and I always thought that it was in a relatively flat spot. I moved it this morning, and apparently it was resting against a slight slant thanks to uneven floors.

I weighed myself again in the garage (flattest surface in the house) and I’m only two pounds heavier. I’m still pretty crushed about it.

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Plateauing
/u/moon___night
Created: Sat Jul 14 02:52:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yryok/plateauing/
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It's the fucking worst!! I keep losing and gaining the same half pound over and over even though I'm eating at a deficit. I guess I just gotta ride it out but it's such a killer to get on the scale every morning with no progress :(

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[Discussion] Whenever something goes wrong with my life I turn back to this
/u/fuckingupleftnright [5'7" | 117lbs | 18.32 (old), 18.26 (new)| -33 | F | gw: 115/110]
Created: Sat Jul 14 02:44:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yrxlk/whenever_something_goes_wrong_with_my_life_i_turn/
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Dumped my boyfriend.
Will not eat until he contacts me again.

Anyone else like this? I physically can't

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What food are you guys really grateful that you like? #TreatsNotCheats
/u/noir-
Created: Sat Jul 14 02:38:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yrwm1/what_food_are_you_guys_really_grateful_that_you/
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Excuse my hashtag, it made me giggle.

I personally love salad and could eat it any time and it feel like a treat. I have salad every lunch and it always clocks in at under 200cal cause it’s just all the leafy planty goodness and some dressing, measured.

And then for dinner I can just do the same but add a ‘something’ (chicken, cheese, tuna) for protein and it would make it almost impossible to have a high cal day with it.

I don’t do this every day but at least once a week. I’m really grateful that I love salad so much that I can eat it in so much mass and it feels like a massive treat whilst not being bad at all.

What do you guys love that you’re just so grateful to your taste buds for?

Maybe we’ve got some undiscovered treats-not-cheats we could all find!

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[Rant/Rave] Wtf is wrong with me?!?!
/u/Shibo_Kitsune
Created: Sat Jul 14 02:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yrv2l/wtf_is_wrong_with_me/
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I weighed myself this morning after fasting for most of the week and dropped 8lbs EIGHT FUCKIN POUNDS!!! why am I not happy about this? It's better than I could have ever expected but my brain just full on doesn't believe it and thinks the scales are broken or something. I'm still a big fat fatty so it's totally possible but??????
Why the hell am I like this :( I can't even celebrate my victories! I was psyched when I lost 3 lbs last week :S

Sorry for the rant I just really do not understand why I'm feeling the way I am today

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[Rant/Rave] Lost weight again. Unhappy.
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:48kg(LW) | 16.61 | HW:69kg]
Created: Sat Jul 14 01:58:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yrqlh/lost_weight_again_unhappy/
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I’m at a lower BMI of 16.4 and am getting concerned. I can’t stop - what if I have to go to hospital?

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[Goal] back in my restrict cycle, I have 15 days to lose at least 10lbs
/u/yungbrrrat [5'8 | 124lbs | BMI: 18.8 | GW: 120]
Created: Sat Jul 14 01:45:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yrogu/back_in_my_restrict_cycle_i_have_15_days_to_lose/
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I got so fucking fat over the past two months (binge cycle). I'm going to Amsterdam with my boyfriend in just over two weeks and I'm determined to look skinny. Dutch girls are (generally speaking) so skinny and pretty and last time I just felt like a sad British potato.

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[Discussion] how to tell if something is actually 0 cals??
/u/dollydomer [Height 5'5 | CW 109 lbs| Weight Lost 15 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 01:25:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yrldy/how_to_tell_if_something_is_actually_0_cals/
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I know that if something is under 5 calories companies can legally say that it is zero. but of course we all know that with eating disorders we all want to know EXACTLY how many cals are in everything. I know that one gram of protein and carbs are 4 cals and fat Is 9 cals. however I know that some drinks put how many carbs are whatever are in their 0 calorie drinks but others don't. so how do I know what is actually zero calories?

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Terrified of stomach acid- new purger here
/u/li_hu_sh
Created: Sat Jul 14 01:22:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yrkx1/terrified_of_stomach_acid_new_purger_here/
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I've purged about twice in my life, both times occuring this summer. I want to stop, but I'm afraid I'll get hooked. Will my dentist be able to tell that I've purged twice (I'm going tomorrow for cleaning.)

Also, I hate how sore my throat gets, I'm terrified of a hole forming or something. Can y'all share your experience/thoughts?

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Late Night Suppository
/u/guavamoose
Created: Sat Jul 14 01:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yrj2p/late_night_suppository/
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So I decided to use a suppository (now) last night, at around 11. My friend called me at around midnight, and it was then I started feeling the effects. My friend really needed to talk and so I stayed on the phone with her. My stomach was cramping so badly and I knew I couldn’t pass gas. We didn’t hang up till 3 am. I literally ran to the bathroom. Not my finest moment.

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need dat solid support yall
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 115 | 19.7 | meh | 26F]
Created: Sat Jul 14 00:03:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yr7gd/need_dat_solid_support_yall/
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1. I feel really fcking alone.
2. I'm 26 and on year what 8 of purging. how do I become a well balanced confident human adult thing
3. I wish I had gone down the other door of restriction instead sometimes because purging is really harmful af
4. I doubt I'm preggo again----but I really dont want another abortion. Thanks L yous a piece of work.
5. I need a vacation. fuck.

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Top kek at how 1200is... isn’t considered an ED sub. If this ain’t an ED thought, then I don’t know what is.
/u/Grellous8 [5'6.5" | Fatkunt | 16M]
Created: Fri Jul 13 23:47:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yr4q1/top_kek_at_how_1200is_isnt_considered_an_ed_sub/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/1200isplenty/comments/8yr20x/trick_i_use_to_get_over_hunger/

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Mom accused me of stress eating
/u/peytonnaomi [5'2" | 99 lbs | 18.1 | -2.5 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 23:31:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yr1pp/mom_accused_me_of_stress_eating/
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She didn't say it in a serious way, she said it in that like joking way so she could say it without being blatantly rude. And I know I can't be overeating because I haven't gained ANY weight since summer started, but now I'm wondering if I am overeating? Is it stress/bored eating even if you aren't gaining weight? I'm not even stressed, and I'm not gaining weight so surely I'm eating normally?

I was making a bowl of cereal when she said that and I instantly lost my appetite. It's embarrassing and it hurts knowing that she sees me like that.

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[Rant/Rave] Fuck my body.
/u/rosecoloredidiot [5'3 | CW: fat| GW: 99lbs | 21F | 🍑 rosecoloredidiot]
Created: Fri Jul 13 23:25:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yr0jh/fuck_my_body/
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I have always had body issues. My ED convinced me that at some point I would love myself.

*Well it was fucking wrong.* I never had the best looking breasts, I suppose it's just genetics and whatever. However now after relatively fast weight loss, they look like they belong to an 80 year old. I am 21 fucking years old. My SO assures me constantly how much he likes them, but every time I look in the mirror I just want to cry. The worst part is that I still have more weight to lose, and besides that with age they're only going to get worse. I know it's silly, and I know that breasts come in all shapes and sizes. Maybe I should stop comparing myself to those who show off because they *know* they're perfect already. But I just can't.

I'm just permanently wondering now. What if I would've just never developed an ED? What if I lost weight slowly and healthily? Being 21 and having boobs that wrinkle a bit if I don't push them up the right way is so discouraging.

Sorry if this was a dumb rant. I just can't for the life of me stop thinking about it.

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[Help] i’ve been throwing up so much that my tongue is beginning to bleed. what should i do?
/u/WishIWasInEngland
Created: Fri Jul 13 23:14:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yqyjj/ive_been_throwing_up_so_much_that_my_tongue_is/
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Weird ways to suppress hunger?
/u/Cymfia [5'1" | CW:118 lbs | BMI: 22.3 | GW: 100lbs | 22F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 22:49:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yqtpx/weird_ways_to_suppress_hunger/
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I used to take 30mg of adderall that I got from (someone else) and it used to give me so much energy and suppress my hunger. Now it doesn’t do that any more and my new bipolar meds make me hungry af sometimes.i drink coffee and take ed stacks but it doesn’t work it like it used to. Any suggestions? Thanks!

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[Other] Goodbye food service!
/u/fuckingusernamee [4'11| 105| 21.2 | 30 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 22:28:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yqpe6/goodbye_food_service/
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I got hired at a clothing store and in two weeks I will no longer have to work in food service! It has been god awful, and I just needed to share my excitement with you all. Spending 5-9 hours around ONLY food every single day with an ED is a struggle in itself, and I am so happy I won’t have that stress anymore. Fuck yeah!!

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[Rant/Rave] Just a quick little rant
/u/NIN_88 [5'3 | SW: 128 | CW: 99 | GW:88 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 22:11:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yqlzo/just_a_quick_little_rant/
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to all those girls with an obvious BMI of less than 17 posting half naked pictures of yourself on instagram thinking you're cute or whatever... You disgust me. You truly disgust me.

And especially when someone in the comments says "you look too skinny, get help", and your immediate answer is " oh I'M jUst nAaatuRaLy liKe thAt!!1!" lol yea, and I guess osteoporosis will "naturally" occur as well.

There's nothing pretty about being underweight. Or lying. Stop glorifying ilnesses.

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Dear lord, I'm gaining weight...
/u/smellypanda33 [5'5" | CW: 138 | BMI: 23 | -30lbs | GW: 111 | 27F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 22:07:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yql0g/dear_lord_im_gaining_weight/
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I fear gaining weight more than anything. I don't want to have kids, not because I don't like them, but because I don't want to get fat, then too busy, then too apathetic, then remain fat.

I've been gaining weight. I can feel it steadily creeping around my neck and jaw like an itchy, unwelcome turtleneck. When I turn my head to the side, my skin no longer cuts under my face sharply. My clothes are too tight. My stomach pooches out in a most unfortunate way. I just... It's horrible.

I'm torn between panicking about it every second of every day and feeling too depressed to give a fuck about myself, my image or my life. I work two jobs, I'm gone from home over twelve hours a day. They both require me to be on my feet. I burn 2000 calories a day or so. But you can't out-stand your fork, m'dudes.

For awhile I was packing my lunch. EAC staking. Coffee, at least 4-5 shots of espresso.

I eat things I know I hate. Things I haven't eaten for years. Sugar. Kill me. I could handle the fats, the protein, I can rationalize that, but the sugar? Why, self? Why? You hate the way it tastes. You hate the way it makes you feel. So. What the hell? Years after eating almost zero sugar and this is where you're at? What is happening? I feel like I'm losing control, that I've just been so steeped in depression, sadness, and powerlessness that I've fundamentally lost myself in a way. Where is the person that fasted forty-eight hours regularly? That lived on sushi and beer? That did OMAD most of the time? That never ate unless there was a social situation that demanded it?

I'm engaged. I should feel... better? Good? Happy? I'm not happy. I can't admit it to myself.

I'm going to go back. I started "starving" because of this: depression. I can feel myself gaining weight, but eventually (now) the panic is going to overwhelm me. Last week I cleaned out my fridge. For the past two years or so I always had it well stocked for security. Half of it would go bad.

Now, it's mostly empty. I'm almost out of rice, even. I'm going to slowly eat everything in my house. Then, I will not buy anything but alcohol. Then, maybe veggies, beans and booze every night until I'm heads down.

I just. I can't gain weight. Not on top of everything else. No.

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So why is this called a disorder when society encourages it?
/u/r1cecream- [5'10 | CW: 145 |BMI: 20.8 | WL: 70 | 23M]
Created: Fri Jul 13 22:03:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yqk6z/so_why_is_this_called_a_disorder_when_society/
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Like schizo makes sense as a disorder, because if you are talking to nobody and shouting at voices you're going to be ostracized. But if you lose weight you are rewarded with compliments/envy from others/ a love life/job opportunities since people will find you more desirable.

I saw an article where the #1 thing men were afraid of on first online dates was if the woman was fat. "Shallow Hal"/ "Just Friends" wouldn't make sense as movies if people didn't actually have those opinions. The Bachelor/Bachelorette don't have any fat people in it. The phrase "letting his/herself go" wouldn't usually apply to weight.

I don't consider a lot of this as "disorders" since society has the exact same view and encourages it. All we are doing is just responding to incentives.

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Why why why why
/u/corgi-cake [5'2 F 🥀 | GW less]
Created: Fri Jul 13 22:00:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yqjpv/why_why_why_why/
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I was at around 1050 for the day and decided to have a "treat" with some late night cereal.

I'm probably less than 1400 for the day still, but I feel so guilty.

Why why why why can't I enjoy things

\goodnight

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Hard to find both, but now a perfect start to a fast! Who needs food anyway.
/u/throwawayforfph
Created: Fri Jul 13 21:30:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yqd2u/hard_to_find_both_but_now_a_perfect_start_to_a/
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https://imgur.com/Q8n7Q7t

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[Rant/Rave] Ugh. Rant. I just want the dream. Small body, cute dog, nice house, amazing wardrobe.
/u/justoliverflynn
Created: Fri Jul 13 21:03:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yq7ga/ugh_rant_i_just_want_the_dream_small_body_cute/
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Literally, I have such a love hate relationship with my social media. On one hand, it fuels my fasts and makes me want to get better. But on the same topic, it pushes me too much sometimes.

I have a cute dog, he is small and adorable. So I feel like I have to be small and adorable but I am not.
I have such fashion icons but nothing looks good on me.
I just want to live my dream already.

But I have 50 pounds to go before that’s even possible.

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[Tip] Organic chestnuts, a revelation at 85 calories per serving
/u/chezpajama
Created: Fri Jul 13 20:55:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yq5qr/organic_chestnuts_a_revelation_at_85_calories_per/
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https://i.redd.it/dw6gi4d6wt911.jpg

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[Discussion] What are your ‘weird’ skinny goals?
/u/s_chill_er [5’7” | CW:124 | 19.4 | GW:110 | -10lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 20:17:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypxie/what_are_your_weird_skinny_goals/
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Mine is for example is to appear so fragile and skinny looking that my guy friends could pick me up with no problem and be ‘cute’. What are yours?

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[Rant/Rave] Kinda broke my binge free streak but almost okay
/u/anonymous_porpoise [F 20 | 5'4" | CW: 142lbs | GW: 125lbs ]
Created: Fri Jul 13 20:11:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypw5q/kinda_broke_my_binge_free_streak_but_almost_okay/
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Hey, it me again. Still trying to stay at 1200 calories. Kinda fucked up. Here's a rant.

So I ate leftover dinner for breakfast. 500 calories, but no big deal because for lunch I had a protein shake. 340 calories, still kinda high, but leaves me plenty of room for dinner and my family wanted to go eat at a restaurant.

I was feeling good, so I ordered the chicken wrap I usually get, but instead of fries, I wanted brocolli. The restaurant was pretty loud and I worked all day, so my anxiety kinda started kicking in a bit, but nothing unmanageable. Then the lady brings my food and she brought me the fries which was usually no big deal, but because I was so bugged out from my surroundings, I ended up stress eating the entire wrap and all the fries. I'm so ashamed of myself. I could've easily given them to one of my family members or told her to take them back but I was weak.

So I came home and I felt kinda shitty, but I looked at my tracker for the day and, without logging my dinner, I had 800 calories left for the day with all my exercise, so I started to feel better when I realized I was probably only a couple hundred calories over.

Then I was sitting there trying to talk myself down about how all of this is fine and it's not a big deal and one thing led to another and now I have some MiraLax and a fuck ton of fiber powder in my system and I've been drinking water for a few hours straight now.

Needless to say, I'm going on a liquid diet tomorrow. I'd fast, but I'm gonna be running around at work all day tomorrow and I'd probably pass out.

But on the upside, I guess it's like not a complete binge? It's a binge. But like I'm trying to convince myself it's not so I don't lose my shit. But it was definitely about 1500 calories in one sitting and I kinda hate myself but not as much as I usually would, so I guess that's a step in the right direction.

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Does throwing up straight after a binge/meal actually make a difference?
/u/pudseybear20
Created: Fri Jul 13 19:48:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypr7b/does_throwing_up_straight_after_a_bingemeal/
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Does it make a difference to calories absorbed/weight. Or just ruin your esophagus? I’ve done it about 10 times in my life and it’s starting to become a habit every time I majorly binge

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[Rant/Rave] I Secretly Love When People Make me Sad/Angry
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Fri Jul 13 19:33:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypnsh/i_secretly_love_when_people_make_me_sadangry/
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This is super fucked up, but whenever people make me upset in any way, I use it as an excuse to not eat. Do any of you do this as well?

I binged like crazy last night (I didn't calculate but it was definitely over 4,000cals) and I've only eaten a 90 cal fiber one bar today (its now 9:30pm). My boss yelled at me at work. I was planning a very small OMAD after work but not anymore!! Fuck it!! You want to yell at me? I won't eat now!

This happens all the time. My boyfriend and I get in a fight, I won't eat. Family arguing? I won't eat. Can anyone relate?

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[Other] I ate a normal meal and didn't purge
/u/mu514 [160 cm • 45~50 kg • F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 19:28:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypmsj/i_ate_a_normal_meal_and_didnt_purge/
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Didn't c/s. Didn't b/p. Didn't compulsively exercise afterwards.

I sat down to dinner with my family and ate together with them, as we each talked about the day.

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Y’all I had a huge binge tonight
/u/catcatcatcatkitty [Height: 5'4" | CW: ~150 | BMI: 150 | Weight Lost: ??? | Gender:F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 19:26:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypm8j/yall_i_had_a_huge_binge_tonight/
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And I feel okay! I went out with my sister and we had fun and I just enjoyed everything. Tomorrow I’ll regret it to hell and back but tonight I’m happy 💜

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[Help] My therapist said I’m not skinny enough to need help
/u/Tryingmomspatience
Created: Fri Jul 13 19:21:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypl8s/my_therapist_said_im_not_skinny_enough_to_need/
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I saw my therapist today and he’s been talking to my case manager who is extremely worried out my ED because I’ve lost a lot of weight and haven’t eaten and when I do I haven’t kept it down in months! My therapist is more concerned with the ocd and said I don’t need help with my ED yet because I’m not that skinny yet. I’m only 130 5’5’’. But all that did in my mind was make me want to restrict more so I lose enough to need help even through I don’t want it, if that makes any sense. Any I’m just rambling and feeling very fat after he said that.

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Why I never eat in public
/u/Strawberry2point0 [5'8" | CW: 158 lbs | GW: 120 lbs | 22M]
Created: Fri Jul 13 19:05:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yphnk/why_i_never_eat_in_public/
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To quote the old man who walked by my table today: "Are you gonna eat *all* of that by *yourself?*"

For the record, I was eating *a single* crepe with *one* scoop of ice cream. I know bulimia's warped my perception of normal portions but JFC, that's not exactly an extravagant feast. My appetite has never gone out the window faster.

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[Help] What do you do to work towards changing weight loss sabotaging habits?
/u/rocksnowls
Created: Fri Jul 13 19:03:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yph9x/what_do_you_do_to_work_towards_changing_weight/
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I'm trapped in that same old cycle; restrict, drop some weight, binge, purge if possible, and gain some weight. Rinse, recycle, repeat. It's half due to habits formed through the years and half because my body craves more calories than what i always end up trying to give it.

Specifically speaking, the bad eating habit i've formed is treating food as though it were somewhat sacred. Every time i eat i obsess over making it 100% worth the calorie consumption. If the first serving of food didn't feel appreciated enough, i go in for a second, third, fourth, serving until it does feel satisfying enough.

What do you do to move away from your bad cycles/habits? I know the first step is to find a comfortable way to eat sufficiently in order to avoid cravings, but the whole strange-eating-habits thing is what gets me. I desperately want to not feel obsessed with consuming food in the most enjoyable way possible. I want to become okay with eating a single serving and being done with it. I'm lost and upset with myself for slipping further and further down this repetitive path :( every time i start gaining back some weight i beat the hell out of myself, i avoid leaving the house, i feel like an ugly shapeless pile of lard, the jiggle in my thighs makes me wish i could trim the fat off with scissors....

Oh boy, i rambled more then I thought i would. Hopefully this makes sense because i'm too tired to proof read

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I just ate an entire pizza and I’m gonna be okay
/u/SqueegeeOujia
Created: Fri Jul 13 18:56:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypfi1/i_just_ate_an_entire_pizza_and_im_gonna_be_okay/
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I’ve been restricting 300-600 most days, but my body’s been completely exhausted and I just wanted pizza so badly after another long day. I already had 250 calories from earlier, so I figured I was gonna blow the budget with pizza anyway. I ordered a thin crust with no cheese, green olives, and onions. The whole pizza was only 760 calories (I know, I know, I can’t believe I’m saying “only” when on normal days if I saw that calorie count I might actually start crying). I’m just over 1000 today and I’m stuffed full (kinda wish I hadn’t hit the point of feeling stuffed but it’s okay!!) and now I’m gonna make it through the next hour without purging. It was thin crust so I know it would be painful to purge anyway. I gave my boyfriend a few pieces to make sure the calorie estimate couldn’t be too low accidentally. There’s no reason to feel any shame. I fed my body. I’m sick and I know I needed extra food. I am okay. I’m okay! I’m just making stupid excuses and this is so dumb and I am disgusting for this and I hate myself I want to die why am I so stupid

---

[Other] These are like absolutely delish...50 cals for lemon lime and 45 cals for strawberry...perfect for when I'm craving sweet...defiantly a lot better than bingeing on a whole container of ice cream... >.<
/u/ItsKita97
Created: Fri Jul 13 18:55:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypf5u/these_are_like_absolutely_delish50_cals_for_lemon/
---
https://i.redd.it/pmi83kdmat911.jpg

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[Other] This cup gets me
/u/kaseysospacey
Created: Fri Jul 13 18:54:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypf2x/this_cup_gets_me/
---
https://i.redd.it/cfuntjhjat911.jpg

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Worst binge foods?
/u/insomniaed [5'2 | CW: 54 | GW: 45 | F 20]
Created: Fri Jul 13 18:45:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypcrf/worst_binge_foods/
---
Mine is anything cake-like :(

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[Rant/Rave] Sushi is my arch nemesis
/u/_Pulltab_ [ 5'7" | CW 177| BMI 27.7 | -18 |GW 135 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 18:43:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypcg0/sushi_is_my_arch_nemesis/
---
I try to follow a vegetarian diet, nearly vegan if possible, although I do eat eggs on occasion. And I try to maintain keto, as well, and have been doing so well.

But sushi....

Tonight we took my son and his Gf out to our favorite sushi place while he was in town. I had scoped out the menu and selected two options - salad or a veggie sushi roll that was built without rice. But did I stick with that plan? No! I shared three specialty roles with my son, all with rice and cream cheese and a bunch of other shit. I only ate 8 or 9 pieces, but... DAMMIT.

I don’t even know what to log for my meal. It can’t be more than 500-600 calories for 8 or 9 pieces, can it?

Gah!

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[Other] It’s Friday the 13th and my calorie total came out to 666. I am pleased.
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine
Created: Fri Jul 13 18:39:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ypbbn/its_friday_the_13th_and_my_calorie_total_came_out/
---
https://i.redd.it/tmrqekcq7t911.jpg

---

fuck it, i cant even fucking fast and binge correctly all i do is binge
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | CW: 183 | HW: 234 | LW: 170 | GW: 115 | 15F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 17:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yozoc/fuck_it_i_cant_even_fucking_fast_and_binge/
---
all i've been doing the past three days is bingeing and i fucking hate myself for it. i was supposed to start my water fast today, decided i'd try to eat "in moderation" so i ate like two of those sad ed-staple tortilla pizza recipes. i decided that's all i wanted to eat for at least like the first half of the day but my parents bought take-out from burger king and groceries. i told myself i'd only eat a few chicken nuggets but hours later, i'm inhaling a burger they bought for me on top of another one no one wanted. i then binged on a bunch of wafer sticks and ice-cream and i felt so bad that i tried to gulp down like a liter of water only to eat more. by the time i was done, i ended the day with over 4k calories for like the second time this week and i went to the bathroom to purge. it's the first i had purged in years, ever since fifth grade i think?? but on top of the restricting, i couldnt even fucking purge correctly, i just ended up crying because i always do this to myself. i always self-sabotage. i just hate myself so much jesus fucking christ

---

the only toast I'll ever make to my (current) government
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Fri Jul 13 17:46:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yoykm/the_only_toast_ill_ever_make_to_my_current/
---
I'm from the UK and recently we introduced a sugar tax. It applies to soft drinks with a certain amount of added sugar per volume, and adds a tax. In result of this, I'm seeing Zero version of soft drinks everywhere, even the restaurants have started switching over to the zero version of drinks. On top of all that, the full-sugar soft drinks have started changing their recipes and I can now have a can of full sugar Dr Pepper for like, 40 calories. So here's to you, Theresa May, you old hag. I used to have to go out of my way to find my constant need of Dr Pepper Zero, and now it's literally in every single supermarket I walk into.

---

dinner vs. midnight
/u/prettypleaser
Created: Fri Jul 13 17:27:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8you31/dinner_vs_midnight/
---
https://i.redd.it/uvsakdzofq911.png

---

my period is back :(
/u/spaghetti_girl [5'3" | CW: 121 | GW: 105 | 20F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 17:24:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yote4/my_period_is_back/
---
i haven't had my period since my ex and i broke up about 6 months ago. i mean i guess it was fairly concerning to see my period tracker app telling me i'm late by 100+ days. today, it's finally made a reappearance but i feel like i failed? like i wouldn't be having it again if i had done "better" at restricting. objectively, i'm sure i only got it back finally because i've been working out and feeling slightly less depressed.

of course i still went and bought all the chocolatey foods at the store and ran home feeling like a fatty failure at life though.

how do ya'll deal with a functioning uterus?? how dare my body try to recover before me?

---

[Rant/Rave] Just a rant :(
/u/Flyingpapers [5'1 | CW:131 | BMI: 24.6 | SW:145 | 20 F ]
Created: Fri Jul 13 17:21:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yosku/just_a_rant/
---
i’m feeling so bad recently, i’ve been sticking to my restricting so well for the past week, no binges but i know that no matter what I do I will never look at myself and think that my body looks good.

I’m so sad because I’m going through a rough time in general and it’s making me feel even worse about my body than usual, the guy I like will never like me back in a million fucking years even if I get skinny and even if he did I wouldn’t be able to date him because of circumstances, my grandad is dying in hospital and i live at the other side of the country and due to work, going to visit soon is not an option. I’m moving apartments in a few days to live closer to my friends and i’m so scared that I’m going to lose them in a few months anyway.

I just feel so lost and stuck :(

Sorry for the rant but this is the only place I felt comfortable doing it.

---

[Help] Running: a question
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:48kg(LW) | 16.61 | HW:69kg]
Created: Fri Jul 13 17:10:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yopu6/running_a_question/
---
Good evening, friends!!

I initially was in the process of writing a ranty preamble about slowly dropping weight and being BMI 16.6 and skeletal but that’s not the aim of this post. I have A QUESTION!

I’m a runner. Completely unrelated to anorexia, I am a runner. I love it endlessly. I am, however, aware that the calories I burn running aren’t replaced and contribute to my rapid weight loss. I don’t WANT to lose any more weight and in the past I’ve had my closest friends take my trainers away from me to stop me running (11 weeks from Feb-May). It was hellish, but stopped my losing weight as fast.

Considering I am only going to make myself worse, should I do this again? Should I ask my friends to keep my shoes again until I’m a bit better?

I am so torn, and would appreciate opinions on why/why not.

Much love n thank you❤️❤️

---

[Other] Binged for 3 days...and lost weight???
/u/beetlewhiskers
Created: Fri Jul 13 16:53:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yolfw/binged_for_3_daysand_lost_weight/
---
This is going to be more of a rant than anything, and since this is my very first post on the sub I hope that this isn't breaking any of the rules!

I started with a simple 3 day fast and accidentally broke it with a binge...and I just kept eating...so much...by the second day, I had given up on even trying to keep track of calories and I swear I had to have eaten my weight in ramen and sandwiches smh.

Today I woke up and after my shower I decided to weight myself and see the damage so I could plan accordingly, and I'd actually lost 5lbs since my last weigh in at the start of my fast???

My brain is legit short circuiting, like on one hand I'm like "Wow, so if I can successfully fast for 7 days imagine how much more I could lose!?" But on the other hand, I just hear my mom saying the things she's told me over and over again "Just because you eat doesn't mean the world is gonna end."

I feel like I'm on the precipice of falling deeper into restriction or soaring into some kind of warped version of recovery...

Has this ever happened to anyone else? Even without the fasting, have you ever binged and then lost weight that confused you?

---

Since when do they make ZERO CALORIE GATORADE???????!!!!! i’m so excited!!!!!!!! I feel like you guys are the only ones who would get the significance of how excited i am
/u/NotStephany [5'5| 193 | 32.49 | -101lbs | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 16:48:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yok5c/since_when_do_they_make_zero_calorie_gatorade_im/
---
https://i.redd.it/zxrh6o71os911.jpg

---

Who else goes on /fatlogic?
/u/bobeta
Created: Fri Jul 13 16:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yofqn/who_else_goes_on_fatlogic/
---
The FatLogic subreddit put up a post today saying they weren’t going to tolerate ED discussion on their forum.

I thought it was kinda funny, because I know I read FL for a lot of the same reasons I read here. Both I tend to obsess over when I’m in crisis between either not eating or eating everything. Reading both seems to ground me until the panic subsides and I can be more rational with my food.

Even if they try to hide it, Fat Logic has a ton of ties to the old Fat Hate subreddit, and even anti-thinspo that still exists around the internet. To try and pretend everyone there has no issues with food themselves is silly.

Do any of you browse or post on Fat Logic? And if so, why?

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[Help] What is it when your belly is softer than usual?
/u/kernalmustache [5'7" ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.4 | SW 130lbs]
Created: Fri Jul 13 16:29:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yofbm/what_is_it_when_your_belly_is_softer_than_usual/
---
Like I totally understand when I eat a lot more than usual and my belly isn't totally flat, but when that happens it's still firm because of the muscles. What does it mean if your belly looks like that but it's soft? I haven't eaten very much lately so I can't imagine I've gained weight...

---

Has anyone else just accepted they are going to binge?
/u/emoghost [Height 5'5" | CW 125 | GW 115]
Created: Fri Jul 13 15:29:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ynz12/has_anyone_else_just_accepted_they_are_going_to/
---
I had the hugest binge today and the last time I binged was a couple week ago, but luckily after that “binge day” I completely blocked it out and just kept telling myself it was fine. I started the next day as if nothing happened.

A couple days ago I weighed in at 121 and that’s the lightest I’ve been since February. I could feel the binge coming on the past couple days and I wouldn’t be surprised if I literally gained a pound of fat. I have a wedding tomorrow where I probably will have to eat, but I know if I forgive myself and just focus on the day ahead of me I’ll be at my goal weight soon. Plus it feels amazing to shit. Lmao

I hope this helps someone. Please try to be kind and forgiving to yourselves ❤️

---

[Discussion] Anyone still use peach?
/u/Nude-prude [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Fri Jul 13 15:29:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ynyu7/anyone_still_use_peach/
---
Ive missed you all and i want to try peach again!
If anyone still uses Im there as nudeprude !

---

[Help] How many calories in this brownie?
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Fri Jul 13 15:16:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ynvd3/how_many_calories_in_this_brownie/
---
https://imgur.com/a/nZlhOyJ

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[Rant/Rave] My relationship with my scale
/u/sofied9
Created: Fri Jul 13 15:16:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ynva5/my_relationship_with_my_scale/
---
My scale means everything to me it's one of the main things that keeps me stable and without it I'm a mess.so I'm fasting right and I go to weigh myself but my scales not in my room so I go to my parents room and I find the scale there so I just weigh myself but there is no number showing up so I flip the scale over and guess what the freaking battery is gone and since it's a specific type I can't replace it so now I'm stressed about my weight.Like I know my parents are trying to help but taking my scale away makes it worse.like I just sat for an hour crying and now I'm so worried about my weight gain/loss that I've decided to go on a 40 day fast

---

[International Journal of Eating Disorders] – Disparities in eating disorder diagnosis and treatment according to weight status, race/ethnicity, socioeconomic background, and sex among college students (March 2018)
/u/communalistwitch [161cm | 49.1 kg | BMI: 18.9 | GW: lower | 20F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 14:55:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ynpe1/international_journal_of_eating_disorders/
---
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/eat.22846

---

[Rant/Rave] My bestie is trying to force me to eat...
/u/KattyWampus666 [:karma: 5'4" |SW:273lbs CW:209lbs GW: ? | F :karma:]
Created: Fri Jul 13 14:52:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ynol4/my_bestie_is_trying_to_force_me_to_eat/
---
Im so pissed off right now. Really regretting opening up to her and my partner. Im home with my baby and they are out getting some items for a girls night tonight... The topic of food comes up, they stated that they are going to get fast food, I asked for a bagged salad and my bestie states that she wont come over if I dont eat more than a salad.

I ate today. I ate yesterday (plus binged on 2 pieces of cake). Like, wtf?! What the hell is wrong with eating a salad for supper?!

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[Other] My new favorite dessert! Only 100 calories!
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine
Created: Fri Jul 13 14:25:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yngnm/my_new_favorite_dessert_only_100_calories/
---
https://i.redd.it/6emy7c1kyr911.jpg

---

a quote that really sticks with me in terms of my ed.
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | CW: 183 | HW: 234 | LW: 170 | GW: 115 | 15F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 14:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yngay/a_quote_that_really_sticks_with_me_in_terms_of_my/
---
*"when you do bad things, you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you. it's not you, you tell yourself. it's that bad thing you did. do you often keep people at arm’s length? are you afraid of being known and knowing others?"* (bojack horseman)

but replace "doing bad things" with "being fat".. idk if this resonates with any of you but a big reason why i want to lose weight is bc i feel like most of the problems i have are a result of being fat. like, oh, your friends aren't responded as often?? that's probs bc they realized just how fat and ugly you are and probably dont want to talk to u anymore bc of that. eat less, you fucking cow !,, i get that it's irrational to feel this way but i guess it's something i tell myself bc not only does it give me a sense of control over how other people will see me even though it probably, ultimately doesn't but it also gives me incentive to lose weight as fast i can. like, the quicker you lose weight, the happier you can enjoy life.. one of the things that i realized having an ed was that i literally dont let myself enjoy life. i've stopped talking to my friends and even though i live with my family, i literally lock myself up in my room unless i have to eat, piss, take a shit, or shower. and even i dont do any of those things that often.

---

[Rant/Rave] i’m so fucked up
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 14:17:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ynedd/im_so_fucked_up/
---
why do i miss getting dizzy and passing out from lack of food? i felt so dainty and fragile and like i needed to be protected. i miss that so much. i miss feeling faint whenever i moved too quickly or it got too hot :( i’m trying my best to be ~normal~ and eat a decent amount but it’s so hard to forget the way starvation felt and, scarily enough, how much i fucking miss it. i’m so tempted to start restricting or maybe a fast but i really want to recover. the evil messed up part of me is saying that i need to lose more but ugh. i’m so confused and scared

---

Found a food scale
/u/supergirlofsteel [Height 5'3"| CW 124 lbs | BMI 22]
Created: Fri Jul 13 14:17:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yne9w/found_a_food_scale/
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I found a food scale in the house and decided to instead of eyeballing to ensure. I was a whole 33 grams off which means I was eating less than I tracked! I need to pull that thing out more.

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[Rant/Rave] Ugh
/u/superficialsadness
Created: Fri Jul 13 13:56:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yn7mn/ugh/
---
So I’m sorry if this is TMI.


But I’m on the second day of my period (my worst day), and it’s making me eat more. I mean, I guess I haven’t done too bad. It’s 4:00 PM and I’ve had 500 calories exactly. But it’s frustrating. Anyone else eat more on their periods?

---

I did it.
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 101.4 | 18.5 | UGW: 93 | -20 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 13:54:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yn73n/i_did_it/
---
Not only did I successfully maintain 101ish from April to now, losing has been a breeze. I'm 98.6 now. My BMI is 18. I genuinely cannot ever remember being this small. I know I've never been this thin in my adult life. My gods, I'm under 100!!! I did it!!

I decided to allow myself to eat absolutely whatever I wanted. I had broche with cheese spread, fruit, honey, and granola. I had full-fat half and half in my coffee, something I haven't done for months. I had hot chocolate! I ate the second I began to feel hungry! And it still only came out to be 1203 calories because I have a tiny stomach now from all that fasting. Today, it's actually a physical struggle to get enough calories in without resorting to just eating pure junk food. I feel proud of this. People are starting to worry. I'm not proud of this, but the attention makes me feel loved and accomplished.

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[Discussion] might be TMI but...DAE eat specific things so they can identify it later in their poop?
/u/wrinkle-crease
Created: Fri Jul 13 13:50:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yn5uk/might_be_tmi_butdae_eat_specific_things_so_they/
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😂😂sorry, I know it’s gross but I was just curious if this was something other people did!! I like eating meals with seeds in them or veggies I can see in my poop like tomatoes or corn (which I don’t really like, but it stays in tact lol) so I know which meal I am pooing out

can’t believe how gross this sounds once I wrote it out lol 💩

---

[Rant/Rave] I just want to eat..
/u/therealtompetty [5'5 | CW 119 | BMI 19.8 | GW 100 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 13:47:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yn4y0/i_just_want_to_eat/
---
And eat and eat and eat. I've been snacking all day and last night I couldn't sleep so at 3am I broke down and had some chips and candy. I feel so disgusting and weak but I can't stop thinking about food. I know I technically haven't even eaten that many calories, by the end of today if I stay on track I should be around 1,200, but I still feel like I'm going to gain. It's like half of my brain is saying I ate too much already and I'm going to be fat when I wake up tomorrow and the other half knows I haven't eaten enough to gain and is using that to rationalize binging even more today. I'm going to try and not eat until I get back from work tonight so I can have some pizza for dinner. I guess we'll see if I can hold out or if I really am just weak and fat and horrible.

---

Tumblr 'pro ana' cringe you hate the most
/u/paavllova [🌸 5'5 • 99 lbs • 16.5 • f 🌸]
Created: Fri Jul 13 13:41:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yn3eb/tumblr_pro_ana_cringe_you_hate_the_most/
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For me it's the cliche and overused quotes like 'pretty girls don't eat' or 'nothing tastes as good as skinny feels'

I also can't stand 'meanspo', because what the fuck. Yeah go throw some abuse at people that'll motivate them.

What about you guys?

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[Discussion] Having troubles... :(
/u/pinkpandas17
Created: Fri Jul 13 13:26:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ymywg/having_troubles/
---
School is starting and my mom is making me eat breakfast before school. It sucks because I wanna skip breakfast and lunch but I can't. Lunch i can skip easily because I'm at school but breakfast will be tough. And I know I can't skip dinner at all. My mom thinks I'm recovering, I don't want her to get concerned and watch me any more closely than she already does. Is anyone else having problems like this with their parents?

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[Rant/Rave] When you realise that your favourite 0 calorie drink actually has 12 calories...
/u/CharlieJScarper [5"1 | 96lbs | 18.1 | Trans Male :cat_blep:]
Created: Fri Jul 13 13:09:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ymtxm/when_you_realise_that_your_favourite_0_calorie/
---
WHY? Why must they lie? I've been drinking this stuff every night for weeks now and that must be hundreds of extra calories. To make matters worse I can't even low restrict tomorrow because I have to eat with family and there will be no chance to purge... my anxiety is through the roof.

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DAE hate when they break their fast on something stupid?
/u/Tyrion_Stark
Created: Fri Jul 13 13:09:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ymtt6/dae_hate_when_they_break_their_fast_on_something/
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I fasted for 76 hours and ate an entire 12.5oz can of sweet corn. There's an empty 300 calories that won't keep me remotely full. Awesome 🤣

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Snapchat?
/u/SmolTransBoy
Created: Fri Jul 13 13:06:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ymsqa/snapchat/
---
Hey, I need a pro Ana buddy. I was wondering if anyone wanted to be my buddy! If I get enough people maybe I’ll make a group chat with everyone?

My Snapchat is: ocean_mkay

I hope I’ll get some people! Leave your Snapchat usernames in the comments if you want, too!

---

[Other] I don't want to be sexy
/u/wearyinsomniac1
Created: Fri Jul 13 13:01:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ymrdg/i_dont_want_to_be_sexy/
---
One of the main reasons I hear for losing weight is to become "sexy" or at least attain a reasonably attractive body. I can't relate. I don't want my body to be desirable. I don't want men to stare at me when I walk down the street. I'm not going to wear crop tops or knee highs when I reach my goal. Can't even imagine how uncomfortable I would be.

All I want is to be a curveless stick with baggy clothes. I really only care that my face looks nice. I don't think I can really be sexualized for my face if my body is practically pre-pubescent.

---

First EC Stack
/u/ProperDiet
Created: Fri Jul 13 12:32:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ymi8q/first_ec_stack/
---
Throwaway because my fiancé knows my original handle.

Just took half of the caffeine pill and the excedrin. It was almost comical how quickly I jumped when my shipment of them came in, I've been so excited for it honestly because my major problem is energy.

Does anyone have any suggestions for after your first EC stack?

I've got a ton of busy work, I've had only water today and I'm the only one home if it changes your advice.

---

[Discussion] What are your rules regarding zero calorie foods/drinks?
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Fri Jul 13 12:21:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ymeju/what_are_your_rules_regarding_zero_calorie/
---
I know that foods and drinks with zero calories listed on the nutritional label actually do have calories. Do you count them?

I only count things like Spenda if I'm baking with it in place of sugar. Otherwise, diet soda and Splenda in my tea all get coded as zero.

I also don't count my vitamins and medications, since I don't want there to be a day where I eat right up to the line (like yesterday, when I ate 799/800 calories) and then decide that I can't have my vitamins.

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[Rant/Rave] DAE gain weight in summer and lose in the fall/winter??
/u/thique
Created: Fri Jul 13 12:19:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yme3n/dae_gain_weight_in_summer_and_lose_in_the/
---
tired of my seasonal weight fluctuation. i don't even understand why because summer is when my ED feels it's strongest (obvious reasons like seeing hotter girls at the beach, dealing w my own bikini body, having to wear skimpier clothing) but every summer without fail i seem to consistently gain. and then in the winter i lose without even thinking about it. anybody else deal with this?? any tips? :/

---

I made up a successful recovery story for myself to get a good grade in a personal writing class I'm taking and it just hit me that it's no longer about vanity or my size now -- I am desperate to just be NORMAL.
/u/ignorado [🍑: ignorado]
Created: Fri Jul 13 12:05:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ym9lr/i_made_up_a_successful_recovery_story_for_myself/
---
I basically made up a story of how I suffered from a severe eating disorder and overcame it.

I wrote about how I couldn't believe I used to live like that and how much better my life is now that I'm recovered, with a heathy relationship with food. I wrote about how an eating disorder destroyed my life and how recovery was able to help me pick the pieces back up. I wrote about how my weight fell off after I started exercising and eating the right amount of calories. I wrote about how I stopped bingeing completely and was able to find different coping mechanisms for when the cravings kicked in. I wrote about how much money I was saving now that I'm not ordering $20 takeout to purge at 2AM before crying and sleeping. I wrote about how I stopped relying on drugs and alcohol to help me feel better after bingeing episodes. I wrote about how I don't fast anymore. I wrote about how breakfast no longer makes me feel like I've failed my day. I wrote about how much my depression improved and how I'm able to do everyday things without having constant anxiety at the back of my mind reminding me that I fail at doing the most basic thing people do to survive: eat normally.

Obviously I'm still in r/proED, so that story was completely fabricated. It's so far from the truth that it's fucking hilarious. I just fasted for 60 hours and binge ate vegan burgers (funny because I originally went vegan to try to attack my bingeing habits lol that failed), drank a shit ton of wine, ordered terrible junk food at night and spent an hour purging it all out. I got fake nails and thought that would help me stop purging – it didn't, and now I just have a scratched up throat. I canceled with my therapist because I don't want to go tell her I've failed another fucking week of healthy eating. I have a beach date planned with my boyfriend tomorrow and I'm going to beg him to just stay inside with me. I just tried eating healthy to try to make up for the fast/binge episode, and I ended up purging it all out of guilt.

Today, I drove by people on my college campus wearing tank tops and smiling and it made me fucking cry. Normal people with normal eating habits are outside enjoying the sun. *Why can't I?*

Instead I sit at my computer in sweats, full blast AC, chugging my weight in Coke Zero, having uncomfortable heart pacing due to EC stacking, and trying to plan out another fast for tomorrow because no amount of physical pain and emotional suffering can fucking snap me out of this mess.

Honestly? My eating disorder started because I wanted to be skinny. I started off running every morning because I wanted to be a skinny, pretty girl. I lowered my calories because I wanted to be smaller than my friends. I started fasting because I wanted to prove a point that I was committed to this. I started bingeing when my body decided to reject being fucking malnourished. I started purging because I didn't know how else to combat the caloric intake. I started abusing laxatives to make my stomach feel empty again after I binged in order for me to feel clean enough to fast again. I started to stop caring about logic. I started to ignore science. I started fucking ruining my life.

And now here I am. I have fucking everything. I have an amazing boyfriend, the most wonderful parents, my own loving puppy, so many supportive best friends, the best mental health care at my fingertips... and now my brain is so fucked up that I currently can't even think about drinking water without purging it back up.

I know someday I will die from this. I know I'm abusing my heart, I know I'm fucking up my throat, I know I'm ruining my digestive system. I know, but I can't fucking stop.

I'm so tired of this – I just want to be normal.

---

When people ask me what my trick to losing weight is
/u/agent_philcoulson [27F 5'4" | CW: 135 | GW: 120 | UGW: 115]
Created: Fri Jul 13 11:46:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ym3tp/when_people_ask_me_what_my_trick_to_losing_weight/
---
https://imgur.com/a/sfAD9Bi

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[Rant/Rave] Dad only compliments me when i’m at my lowest weight
/u/jaclynct
Created: Fri Jul 13 11:45:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ym3dm/dad_only_compliments_me_when_im_at_my_lowest/
---
My dad is not a complimenter. Last year when I was at my lowest weight ever, he told me that I finally have a figure. I’ve gained 10 pounds since then, and recently, he said that I USED to be so fit and he was so proud of me last year. Am I being ridiculous for being so hurt by this? I am at a healthier weight than I was but he thought I looked better before when I was heavily restricting and exercising every day until I felt like I would collapse. I just feel like I am so ugly in his eyes.

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I'm going to start this fast because the truth is fat people aren't loved.
/u/Helluka
Created: Fri Jul 13 11:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ym1ne/im_going_to_start_this_fast_because_the_truth_is/
---
I don't just mean romantically, which is also true, but even basic human acceptance and respect is not given to fat people. No person on earth can force another person to love them, no one loves because it's the moral thing to do. Love is only given to those we find attractive and want around. It's sad but it's the truth. Obese people are told to fuck off and learn to have will power but as soon as someone finds out you're ana they take you to a hospital or counseling to get all the help you can. No one gives a fuck about you when your fat but when you start losing weight everyone gets all happy and excited for you. "You look so good!" Oh, I guess before I was a bag of shit, thanks for actually talking to me even though we've worked in the same building for 2 years. Does anyone else agree?

---

[Discussion] What do yall do on you're period?
/u/longer_donger420
Created: Fri Jul 13 11:18:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ylutz/what_do_yall_do_on_youre_period/
---
I usually gain 5 lbs water weight on my period, making me super anxious so I've decided to just not weight in on those days. But that doesnt stop me from looking at a mirrior, those waist trainer things are the only thing keeping me from freaking out about bloating during the red sea.

But I'm super curious how you guys handle.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Bff tried to be supportive, left me humiliated and about to relapse
/u/the_karmapolice [5'3"| 88.4 | 15.6 | -36 | f]
Created: Fri Jul 13 11:16:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ylucf/rantrave_bff_tried_to_be_supportive_left_me/
---
Hahahaha. Fml. Long rambling ahead, apologies in advance. Background: I'm in a weird spot with my ed and recovery. I can eat relatively normally some/most of the time, especially in front of others if I have to, but definitely still cycle through serious restriction/bp behavior, even if it's less frequent than it used to be. However, I always have and I think always will have a fucked up self image, body issues, insecurities, blah. Some of my close friends that know about my "past" ed think that I have recovered in terms of actually eating (lol), but know I still struggle somewhat with my body image. Anyway.

I have a very good friend who is so understanding and emotionally supportive, and even when she doesn't understand my perspective, she's still very compassionate and sympathetic towards what I'm feeling. I feel like I can talk to her about almost anything, but I still keep my ed stuff to myself mostly. I don't see her terribly often, maybe once every month or two, but we always have a great time and do a vent/bonding sesh to help each other through whatever bullshit we're going through at the time.

She visited yesterday and left this morning. Before she left we were talking about the body positivity movement, how great it can be for some people, etc. But I told her I think seeing everyone accepting all these flaws that I personally posses (ex. hip dips) actually makes me much more self conscious, because I used to tell myself nobody notices these things, but the movement and especially appreciation posts have shown me that people really are paying attention to all the minute details of my body and to these flaws. I keep quiet about this stuff almost always, but confide in her occasionally when it comes up. I told her at one point, "I can usually just ignore it, but it's always in the back of my mind." (It = body image issues/insecurities)

And she drops this on me: "Well, it's obviously not just in the back of your mind. You talk about it all the time. Every time I've seen you, you've brought this up. And you always make little comments about how your clothes fit you and things like that. I really think you need to get some professional help. It says a lot about someone when they bring up their own insecurities so often."

Aaaaand queue mental breakdown. Fuck. Like I'm already embarrassed about this so I try really hard not to talk about it much at all? (Although I'll admit, a lot of my personal healing is aided by discussing these things with others who are understanding...) But apparently I bring it up all the time?? And am one of those fucking weirdo losers who wears their insecurities on their sleeve??? I know she was coming from a good place and trying to help but omg this is just humiliating. So now that she's gone I'm crying and have decided to fast for as long as I absolutely can so that maybe my bloat will go away and I won't have anything to complain about. I guess I'll just never talk to anybody about this again and just go full relapse and let it kill me!!

Sorry for rambling, I just don't know what to do besides turn to besides you all... Any support right now would be great 💔

---

Summer Camp
/u/nope707
Created: Fri Jul 13 11:06:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ylr3z/summer_camp/
---
Hey everyone, I need some advice on my trip to France where I'll be staying with possibly 7 people. I go to a dietitian who helped me with my BED but she doesn't know I restrict this much.

Anyway, she told me to bring a scale, protein bars and diet snacks with me which sounded great for me. But when I joked my friend that people will think I'm a weirdo, she agreed seriously and said that not many people would talk to me which was discouraging.

What I'm getting at is, is what I'm doing really that weird? Do you have any tips for me to make the situation better under these circumstances?

---

People commenting on what you eat
/u/AggressiveBowl
Created: Fri Jul 13 10:54:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ylnbb/people_commenting_on_what_you_eat/
---
I really need to vent right now. It will be a bit long, sorry.

I used to have pretty bad restriction problems, and lots and lots of guilt surrounding food. Now, I really got better in the last few years, especially since I started running. I learned to eat to fuel my body and work out not to punish myself but because I love how it feels to be able to run longer and longer distances.

Everything sounds perfect, right ? Well, not really. Even though I don't restrict as much as I used to, I still feel a lot of shame eating in front of other people. It feels like everyone is judging me and thinking I'm a glutton, disgusting, etc. I try my best to ignore that nagging feeling but every family dinner is a nightmare because of this. And my worst fear is people actually commenting on how much I eat.

And lately, it has happened a few times. About a week ago, I was eating a peach after a light lunch and my nefew (5yo) came up to me just to tell me "You eat way too much". He has also done this to other people during this week, I don't know why he is doing that. I probably should have lectured him on the fact that it is rude to comment on people habit but I was too busy choking back tears and trying my best to continue eating the damn peach.

Then today, I was weighing some hummous as a pre workout snack. Since it had been opened for quite some time and it fit in my daily calories, I figured I would have these last 50g instead of the 30g I first planned. Cue my FIL popping behind me with a "Wow, lick the container while you're at it", in a pretty harsh tone. I felt my stomach knot instantly and I could just mutter some half words because that's all I could muster. He probably saw that it made me upset, because he followed by "Hey, that was just a joke". Yeah, hilarious. I still ate the damn thing, but every bite tasted like guilt and I still feel sick an hour later.


Now, all I want is to never have to eat again or at least until the nagging voice in my head stops telling me that they're both right and that I should be ashamed to eat so much.

---

[Help] Hotel breakfast buffet help?!
/u/vintagetimetable
Created: Fri Jul 13 10:51:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ylm92/hotel_breakfast_buffet_help/
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So im on vacation and were staying at the courtyard by marriot. Its amazing. Tomorrow we get complimentary breakfast and Im aiming to eat about 600 calories... we are not having lunch because we will be sightseeing. My mom wants me to eat like 1000 calories at breakfast so ill have energy.

Any tips on making food look high volume at the buffet? I have to eat some form of bread too. Also im a vegetarian but i dont eat eggs and avoid dairy.

Please help! I know im picky, haha

---

coping with lightheadedness and fatigue
/u/RainbowCrash311
Created: Fri Jul 13 10:47:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yll9e/coping_with_lightheadedness_and_fatigue/
---
I am a 25 y.o f. 5,5" 118lbs. I eat 700-1200 calories a day and do rock climbing for an hour 3 times a week. I work full time.

For the last two months I've been dizzy amd exhausted. it makes it difficult to make it to the gym, but I feel like I have to go. I get really dissapointed in myself if I don't go. I could eat less , but then I think it would be hard to maintain working, becausr I have an active job. I have been feeling like falling asleep, often while driving. idk how much longer I can maintain this lifestyle. How do you guys manage? I don't want to feel like crap, but I also dom't want to feel dissapointed in myself.

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I literally cannot stop binging
/u/800goat [5'6"| CW: 129 | 20.8 | GW: 106 | M]
Created: Fri Jul 13 10:25:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yleh3/i_literally_cannot_stop_binging/
---
Hi I've never posted here before but I'm seriously at a loss lol. For the past week I've been binging non stop and tbh I've googled so many things about binge eating and have tried like, everything and I still keep doing it. I've tried writing down how I feel after I binge, my goals, I've tried fasting, eating at maintenance, staying out of the house, throwing away food, etc.

My problem is that I literally don't care about anything else in the moment. Like when I'm thinking about binging on sweets, all of my goals go out the window and I don't care anymore.i know I need a therapist but I can't afford it (I hate the US). Has anyone else successfully gotten out of a horrible binge phase like this? What worked for you?

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feeling like I must be counting wrong or so?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Fri Jul 13 10:19:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ylccz/feeling_like_i_must_be_counting_wrong_or_so/
---
So after I went throught a lot of binge/restrict/fast cycles last year, I had long phases where I didn't count calories or measure anything and tried to do the whole intuitive eating thing. Actually liked it, but I wasn't losing weight on this obsiously and became frustrated, so I started fasting again around dec/jan - only to end up in binging phases again.
Now I feel like i kinda have a little bit more of an overlook and I'm back to counting, but implementing a little of what I learned on intuitive eating, especially about my portion sizes. I learned that I actually need TINY portions to be satiated, and I like waiting to be properly hungry until I eat. Now I'm counting, I'm realizing these are very little calories (well, I'm leaving out the junk/snacks/liquid calories that I would have had when not restricting, but otherwise I'm good) and I'm barely hungry. Like, I wait until 11 or so to have my lunch, it's something proteinish (70 cals of chicken or so) with some veggies (30ish calories), and dinner is usually the same. Some calories for a little fruit or milk in my tea or an energy drink too, and I'm usually around 200-350 calories. I don't know, this feels like so little for me to be so content, if anyone knows what I mean? Before, I used to restrict so much higher even on healthy foods like I am now and still was hungrier. Now it almost feel like I MUST be doing something wrong, not calculating right, something! I wanted to stay under 500 calories until I lose some binge weight, then up the calories slowly until at maintenance, and I know I could still have a treat or simply more veggies that I like right now, but I'm too scared that I can't be losing weight if I'm not hungry AND having 'extra' treats?

Gosh. It's annoying. I must've been eating so little when not counting but not knowing it was so little, so I never worried or felt deprived. Now that I count again, I can't un-see how little it is and get all wired up about it -.-

---

[Discussion] does any one else rely on body checking rather than the scale to track weight loss?
/u/AgreeableReplacement [22F🍒5'8🍒~100lbs]
Created: Fri Jul 13 10:07:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yl8hq/does_any_one_else_rely_on_body_checking_rather/
---
i threw out my scale a while back and only weigh in at doctors appointments. yesterday i went for my routine weigh in at the ED clinic and for the first time i requested that they don't tell me the number (small victory maybe?). however i body check every day. not through pictures or looking in the mirror, in fact i've been finding myself avoiding those more and more. i do the classic wrapping of my hands/fingers around my arms, sometimes my thighs but i tend to retain water in my legs like crazy which throws off the accuracy. also i check to see how much my spine/tail bone sticks out every night before showering. am i just weird or

---

You guys are seriously the only ones that get it
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 09:48:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yl2uw/you_guys_are_seriously_the_only_ones_that_get_it/
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My bf basically said it took effort to gain the weight I did, as in a month of serious binging. And I told him no, that's my natural inclination constantly, anything less is a serious mental effort.

He said, Yeah that's life, there's a reason it's called letting yourself go.

It's so frustrating when he can't understand how hard it is, and how it takes a toll on me, and how upsetting it is that just a month of "being myself" is enough to undo so much and make me feel like a failure.

---

[Discussion] Lose It Premium?
/u/lectisternium
Created: Fri Jul 13 09:26:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ykw1h/lose_it_premium/
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Is it worth it? The trend feature is interesting but is there anything else?

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[Rant/Rave] I have 1 bad binge and this is what I get
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'1.5 / CW:95 / BMI: 18.37 / GW: 84]
Created: Fri Jul 13 09:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ykrr8/i_have_1_bad_binge_and_this_is_what_i_get/
---
I had a big chocolaty vegan binge yesterday and I'm fucking paying for it today. My waist has increased by an inch and the scale has gone from 95 to 98. That's 3lbs! I know it must just be bloating and water weight, but I feel like I've lost a weeks worth of progress. The ice cream was not worth it. It was too sweet and I could feel my stomach churn all night. Guess I'm fasting today.

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[Rant/Rave] My recovery process so far
/u/velocity2ds
Created: Fri Jul 13 09:03:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ykp9s/my_recovery_process_so_far/
---
I joined a recovery program in May and it's been okay so far. My goal is more so wanting to work on my dysmorphia since that's the root of it all bc my height, weight and measurement stats on paper tell a different story than how I view myself. One thing is I meet with a dietician and she told me to stop eating counting calories and instead eat 3 meals with 1 snack while looking to have 2-3 food groups present in each meal. Basically intuitive eating?

So mentally not tracking has been good since I was tracking not just calories but macros, fibre, sodium, sugar etc. That in of itself is not bad but the way it weighed on my brain it was exhausting and very consuming. The issue is I am so dizzy like I used to be when I did hardcore restricting. She saw my food diary and said it was good and commented the dizziness could be due to iron or lack of sleep etc.

It's just idek funny?? That I feel better emotionally or mentally without excessive tracking but physically I feel kinda depleted

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[Rant/Rave] Blacked out and gashed my leg open
/u/goldkitty8
Created: Fri Jul 13 09:01:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ykon4/blacked_out_and_gashed_my_leg_open/
---
I ate a lot less on holiday solely because I could get away with it. Got my dues served and my leg's cut real deep, bled for 3 days, probably needed stitches but I didn't see a doctor. Healing up now but I feel my sense of perception fading again from lack of nutrition. I turned on the hot water tap for my coffee and put my hand holding the cup under it instead. Mostly I'm terrified I will accidentally break something expensive at work.

I almost quit today out of sheer exhaustion. It's not an option, we have a busy month, so I guess I'll eat candies until I can starve to near death again. Yay.

---

[Help] Not sure if its serious or if I'm being childish
/u/sayyourprayersbitch [5'5 | CW 109 | GW 100 | 18.1 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 08:39:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ykifr/not_sure_if_its_serious_or_if_im_being_childish/
---
Hi y'all, I've been poking around on here for the last couple weeks and I guess I'm needing some support. I've suddenly had a shift in minor restriction to major and I think things are starting to get serious. I'm half scared to death and half excited which is really confusing and I just need some input.

I'm taking adderall daily along with 3 cups of coffee doing OMAD (with the exception of a little watermelon or cucumber early in the day) and usually some type of lifting or cardio in the morning.

My heart constantly feels like its about to beat out of my chest, I'm so unsteady on my feet, and I see spots or everything goes black nearly every time I stand up. These things really scare me but I'm seeing so much in terms of results that I don't want to stop although I know I probably should but also I don't think I can.

I live with my boyfriend and he has noticed lately that even the smallest things are triggering pretty intense anxiety for me, like videos (movies, TV, youtube) with raised voices or screaming (whether happy or sad) and even things like closing cabinets or setting down dishes. However, he has NO clue about how bad the restriction is. His ex had pretty intense AN but she was very open with him about it and so I think he doesn't notice anything unless it is explicitly stated. I adore him and I want to marry him and he has helped me through so much (parents divorce, bulimia, etc.) but I'm beginning to think I'm more of a burden on him than anything. While I don't want to change anything with us, I just feel so guilty that I'm bringing him down all the time and I worry that he will want to leave me because of it (and maybe he should? maybe I deserve that?)

I just don't really know what to do anymore. Very lost, very confused, and looking for some advice.

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How to fake about 10-11 lbs of weight w/out water loading or consuming salty things?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Fri Jul 13 08:32:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ykgkl/how_to_fake_about_1011_lbs_of_weight_wout_water/
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Tittle says it all. How can I fake 10-11 lbs of weight without water or consuming broth or salty things. I have a doctors appointment at 3:00 and weigh 72 lbs, 82 lbs will still not be pleasing but I was 78 last weigh in, so this will make them think I’m gaining weight. I’m planning on wearing boots to bring it up a little.

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[Rant/Rave] I gained 5 pounds in the past 4 months. Please help. I don’t understand.
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine
Created: Fri Jul 13 08:31:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ykg5v/i_gained_5_pounds_in_the_past_4_months_please/
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I don’t know why.

I get between 30,000-40,000 steps per day, I’m constantly moving, I fast and restrict, and the biggest “binge” I’ve had since I last weighed myself at 92lbs is about 2200 calories. And that only happened 2-3 times.

I just recently had a 24 hour fast, and I’ve been fasting more in the past few months as well. On average I eat between 800-1200 cals.

I don’t understand HOW I managed to gain all this weight. I feel absolutely disgusting and I’m trying not to cry because I have to go into work in 30 mins and I just applied my makeup.

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[Help] Please help. I couldn't sleep all night. Now I have to go to work in an hour and sit on my ass for 3 hours before needing to drive around the city for another 2. What do I do? Is this safe? It's hard to change plans now.
/u/AnAccidentSince1997 [5'10'' | CW: 183 | GW: 160 | Weight Lost: 42 lb | F 21]
Created: Fri Jul 13 08:12:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ykay3/please_help_i_couldnt_sleep_all_night_now_i_have/
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As the title says, I'm about to go sit on my ass for 3 hours, getting more and more tired (I can hardly stay awake now), before needing to drive back and forth through the city (very busy traffic) for about 2 hours total. Is there anyway I can fix this before then besides sleep? I can't miss the 3 hour sitting on my ass, but if there really is no other possibility I could possibly cancel the driving, but it's going to cost my job money to do so so late.

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[Rant/Rave] Dr appointment on Wednesday
/u/HellAbove [5'6.5"|149.6 lbs|23.7|21F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 08:06:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yk931/rantrave_dr_appointment_on_wednesday/
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So I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday. It’s a check up to see how my iron levels are and to talk about finding someone specialized in ED’s. Lord knows my Bulimia is starting to get out of hand.
But I’m determined to weigh less than the last time??? So I’m just gonna fast until Wednesday. Nothing but coffee, tea, water, sparkling ice, and yogurt (don’t @ me, yogurt to me is a liquid). Idk I just want to feel like I’m sick. I feel like a fraud because I’m bouncing between 147 and 154 :( I’m also fasting so I’ll feel super hungry and not sad that the love of my life is moving to Brazil in a few days sooo yeahhhhhh bad coping mechanisms

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[Other] Dae lose weight in bursts?
/u/bbbrista
Created: Fri Jul 13 07:35:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yk0rn/dae_lose_weight_in_bursts/
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https://i.redd.it/bdtvygxdxp911.png

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My dumpling nightmare
/u/BadLifePLanner
Created: Fri Jul 13 07:29:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yjz3f/my_dumpling_nightmare/
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Two days ago I bought 2 different packs of what seemed like perfectly wonderful dumplings both of which I had never tried before. One was marketed as "mini calzones" (how cool is that!? Pizza dumplings!!! And they were so huge) and the other pack had cheese+salami filling. Yum yum yum, right?

And they cost some fking money as well/

And guess what, all of the dumplings taste like shit!

Okay, I ate all the calzones but they were mediocre at best. Cheese+salami dumplings? Fucking garbage. The insides are so disgustingly soft and salty, I swear it feels like the making process for the filling is as follows:

They give people big bowls of cheese and salami to eat until they get sick, then they collect the vomit, mix it with some snot and then pump in the dumplings.

I am so disappointed.

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[Help] Combating Insomnia
/u/BurningThruMyVeins [5'2'' | 100 | 18.3 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 07:22:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yjxj1/combating_insomnia/
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So I am on a strong restriction streak this month leading up to my birthday on the 19th where I will finally let myself indulge in pizza at a new place I've been wanting to try. I've only had one overeating day this month on the 4th - all other days have been deficit days!

Problem is, I am feeling extremely bingey the longer the streak goes - and I feel like I am constantly combating urges. What's worse is that my insomnia is HELL lately. I get like 3 hours of sleep a night. Usually I will fall asleep around 10pm and wake up around midnight. Then I can't fall back to sleep until 4am and wake up again at 6 or 7. I lie awake going back and forth about eating or not eating. Luckily so far not eating has won out. But the mental gymnastics is getting exhausting, and I know that I am quite literally exhausted. It would be nice to have some sort of break from the binge urges by at least getting to quiet them for 8 hours with sleep!

It sucks, too because before my ED got more severe, I used to get GREAT sleep. I never had sleep problems.

Boooooo.

Please share tips on how you all combat insomnia! It's to the point where my body fights against melatonin and Tylenol PM to stay awake. I end up getting this weird hazy feeling, but it's not enough to knock me out!

---

Are there a lot of men on here?
/u/Helluka
Created: Fri Jul 13 07:07:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yjtal/are_there_a_lot_of_men_on_here/
---
I'm thinking about committing to a "long term fast"

---

Working with the Shakes
/u/RainbowCrash311
Created: Fri Jul 13 06:59:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yjr41/working_with_the_shakes/
---
I'm looking for some love. I have an 11 hour work day ahead of me (I do 3 a week and 2 shorter days). Today I ended up going to Dunks because I've been good about the gym. I've had like 500 calories but am having some kind of crash. I dont think I've been sleeping well. I have a headache and my eyes feel heavy.

My doc says I'm underweight despite a 19.8 BMI. idk whether or not this is catching up to me.

---

Called out by a Gambino song -_-'
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 269.5 | Goal: 250 | 40.9 | 30 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 06:48:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yjol0/called_out_by_a_gambino_song/
---
> ...you faker than some Sweet'N Low
Yeah, you got some silverware, but really are you eating though?
Are you eating though? Nigga, are you eating though?
Breakfast, lunch and dinner's for beginners, you ain't even know

---

[Discussion] Anyone on here ever done a juice cleanse?
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Fri Jul 13 06:46:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yjo1z/anyone_on_here_ever_done_a_juice_cleanse/
---
I started one a couple days ago to help clear out some build up in my system due to my BED.

It’s a lot of sugar but it’s all liquids and lots of nutrients.

I’m just curious if anyone else has had experience with this.

So far I’m drinking 1-2 32oz cold pressed juices per day.

I’m wondering if anyone else has had any experience with this before.

So far I’m drinking 1-2 32oz juices per day.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! July 13, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jul 13 06:12:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yjfsh/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_july/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for July 13, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 13, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jul 13 06:12:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yjfrc/daily_food_diary_july_13_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 13, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Other] Sweet Relief
/u/hh_lb
Created: Fri Jul 13 06:09:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yjf4y/sweet_relief/
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I’ve been stuck in an awful binge phase. Like gained 30 lbs (WTF) and have just been spiraling into a pit of self hatred. I saw my psychiatrist yesterday to check my Prozac and I told her I was struggling with my EDNOS and she prescribed me Vyvanse and I could CRY ITS WORKING SO WELL. I ate less than 400 cals yesterday easily and then worked out at 5 AM and had my best OrangeTheory workout to date.

Anyone else do OT?

I’m feeling da bes babies :’)

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Panic mode activate!
/u/Zongirl27
Created: Fri Jul 13 05:50:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yjas3/panic_mode_activate/
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Hello. Long time lurker first time poster here. Created a throwaway just for this.


Tonight I am going to dinner with in laws and family of my spouse that we haven't seen in years. MIL is cooking a "surprise" and I was asked to make dessert.

I made dessert and can get away with a half portion for 200ish calories. That's already 1/4 of my calorie goal today. How do I plan for today if I don't even know what's on the menu??

I'm freaking out about the thought of going but I can't get out of it.

---

ED dreams
/u/kaelidoscope [5'0 | CW 92| GW: 83.8| 18.9 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 05:45:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yj9nh/ed_dreams/
---
I had a dream that somebody called out my habitual body checks. I frequently and often times subconsciously perform body checks in public, mainly measuring my wrist and forearms and also the size of my thighs while I'm sitting down. I don't think people notice me doing this, or if they do they thankfully don't comment on it. But damn, that dream had me shook.

---

Hunger Nausea
/u/skinnycatholic
Created: Fri Jul 13 05:43:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yj9cf/hunger_nausea/
---
Anyone else get nauseous when hungry? I've never had it in the past but recently sometimes I wake up in the morning and I seriously feel like I'm going to throw up even though I haven't eaten. At first I thought I was pregnant but I'm on my period now so I guess I'm just hungry? It sucks. Can anyone relate or am I a weirdo?

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[Help] i need help breaking my binge cycle
/u/laurena0471
Created: Fri Jul 13 05:41:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yj8uj/i_need_help_breaking_my_binge_cycle/
---
for the past week i've been inhaling mcdonalds every day and obsessively eating whatever i can find. i've almost gained 10 pounds this week and i feel so disgusting. my stomach is so fucking huge now but i just can't stop eating. i normally can give myself a day or two dedicated to bingeing and go back to restricting just fine, but rn i feel like i've completely lost control and idk how to stop myself

does anyone have any tips/advice on how to get out of this??

---

[Discussion] Anxiety and fasting
/u/Fibreoptic_Calico
Created: Fri Jul 13 05:22:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yj4ql/anxiety_and_fasting/
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So I'm hour 40 into a fast. I'm feeling a bit wobbly and and lightheaded so I guess I need a 0 calorie sports drink, but....my anxiety is off the charts, and a sports drink won't fix this. Is anxiety common when fasting? I don't usually feel so anxious for no reason I feel like I'm in fight or flight mode.

Anybody else get this? How did you help yourself?

---

How do you deal with going on vacation?
/u/throwaway254411
Created: Fri Jul 13 05:01:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yj0ke/how_do_you_deal_with_going_on_vacation/
---
I haven't been to my hometown (900 km away from where I am now) in years. My grandparents still live there and they invited me to their house. I'll be staying there for 15 days. The thing is, my hometown is famous for its delicious (and high calorie) food. Not only that, but my relatives eat A LOT and they always force me to eat with them and I can't say no. I'm restricting now but I know I will gain when I go there. I don't even know if I will be able to exercise, and my TDEE is low. I don't know what to do. I'm dreading going on vacation.

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Binging and purging/eating large amounts in public?
/u/Ekawa [Height 5'2 | CW 126 | BMI 23| -38 |F/22]
Created: Fri Jul 13 04:22:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yit6i/binging_and_purgingeating_large_amounts_in_public/
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I can’t sleep and really want to binge and purge. I’m scared of going alone and ordering enough food for three meals or so and being judged. I’d like to eat but my parents have recently gotten frustrated at my behavior so I need to keep this behavior out of the home. I want to go to a cafe and eat an absurd amount of waffles/hash browns/pancakes but I’m really nervous about going alone to eat out where everyone can see me and ordering so much food just to sit in public and eat it alone. I can get fast food and eat it alone in my car but I have a specific craving for breakfast unfortunately and i need a break from binging in my car, I hate it. What would you do?

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[Thinspo] Do you have a cartoon thinspiration?
/u/starfighter_slim [| BMI: 27.4 | ]
Created: Fri Jul 13 03:59:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yioof/do_you_have_a_cartoon_thinspiration/
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Which Characters that trigger you? And I mean cartoon or comic book characters. I think my first low key thinspo was Dee Dee from Dexter’s Lab. When I was 7 or so I wanted to be thin and blonde like her.:/ Some of my other favorite slimmies were Terra from Teen Titans, Sabrina the Teenage Witch cartoon, Totally Spies’ Alex, and Yuki and Ayame from Fruits Basket.

---

I purged 4 times today and passed out
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 99 | gw: 90| 23f]
Created: Fri Jul 13 02:48:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yibwh/i_purged_4_times_today_and_passed_out/
---
hah...i would say this is a new low but this isnt the first time this has happened...

after the 4th time, I felt so trapped in my own house and i went for a walk in the park. i know...not the best idea when it's midnight, but at the time i didn't care. I barely made it in when I felt really lightheaded, like I was in a dream. Then I woke up to these 4 middle school boys. I guess they were heading home after hanging out on a summer night. They saw me and were scared I was dead, apparently. they were honestly really adorable. i feel terrible because I also feel like I corrupted them in a way...they shouldn't have had to find someone like that

so now im back home just sitting here, sickened with myself, vowing to get free of this disorder while knowing that's just bullshit late night promises that'll be forgotten tomorrow morning

---

I became anorexic for my mother | My Eating Disorder Story
/u/aliciadabbles
Created: Fri Jul 13 02:24:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yi7sl/i_became_anorexic_for_my_mother_my_eating/
---
https://youtu.be/Rv0-jiIRE9I

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body dysmorphia is so wack
/u/FeliCat [5'7 | CW 137 | GW 120]
Created: Fri Jul 13 02:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yi5fm/body_dysmorphia_is_so_wack/
---
lmao how do I go from feeling lithe and dainty af to monstrous and jiggly in the space of one day/ hour/ meal/ millisecond. I know I've gained over the past week (vacationing w/ family 😓) but I have no scale to quantity exactly how much and my dysmorphia is going into o v e r d r i v e trying to figure out exactly how fat I am. ugh.

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[Discussion] Who else is autistic and won't eat certain foods at all because of the taste,texture,or temperature?
/u/cryingboi65
Created: Fri Jul 13 01:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yi1ic/who_else_is_autistic_and_wont_eat_certain_foods/
---

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3 a.m panic attacks and why I can’t wait to move
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 01:43:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yi0jt/3_am_panic_attacks_and_why_i_cant_wait_to_move/
---
I’m moving out of the house I share with my roommate tomorrow - I love this place and I will miss it so much but I’ve been restricting pretty heavily all week...managed to keep by intake below 500 calories every day. Went to bed feeling great. Just woke up at 3 am in a full on panic attack. I swear my body was screaming “if you don’t eat now your heart is going to explode.” I know it’s just a panic attack but it was SO bad I went and are a yogurt, celery and peanut butter, and a handful of peanuts....then couldn’t stop so I ate a chewy dipped granola bar. The peanuts, peanut butter and granola bar were all his....i just simply never keep things like that in my pantry or fridge so I’m never tempted...now I’m up like another 300 calories from when I went to bed and I know it could be worse but really? A fucking shitty dipped chocolate granola bar for 140 calories? My protein bars are 150 calories and at least I get something out of those. I haven’t eaten such empty calories in like a year. I feel like such a failure and since it’s 3:30 a.m now I won’t get to step on the scale when I wake up and see a drop...I feel so upset ugh

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[Other] Things other than food that make you feel in control ?
/u/tartansheep [5'9.5|23.61 | 166lb|-1lb| GW:115lb]
Created: Fri Jul 13 01:23:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yhwxt/things_other_than_food_that_make_you_feel_in/
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When I restrict a lot, I stop biting my nails and paint them.

I also spend a lot longer on skincare/hair care, which is weird. Like sure I’m underrating a lot but I still do “self care” stuff...?

And my room is much tidier, and I hoover more. I also save more money

I’m a stereotypical perfectionist but normally my depression means my life is a shit show. And when I am restricting, everything else feels okay.

Wow, I’m fucked up..

---

[Rant/Rave] Small win: Reducing Binge/Secret Eating Amount!!
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Fri Jul 13 01:01:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yhstd/small_win_reducing_bingesecret_eating_amount/
---
So I usually Bakery Item Binge™ by taking a 30-45 min walk to this store, buy things, and eat them on the 30-45 min walk back (it's donuts and cookies but if I pace them out and do this at night no one can see me and no one notices)... 2-3 donuts at 300-400 calories each and 2-3 cookies at 200 calories each. Kill me.

I started cutting back and just getting 2 cookies, and tonight I got 2 and I finished one, then started on the other but halfway in I realized it wasn't satisfying. I started to force myself to finish it anyway but just spit it into the bag and threw that away.

So 300ish calories instead of +1200. And the walk burned most of that 300 off. I started doing a loop around the apartments before going back to ours too which is an extra 1k steps and I just feel... So much more okay about this. I need to stop doing it but it's such a huge improvement.

---

Has anyone tried the Simply Delish Zero Instant Pudding?
/u/MissMichuMoo [1.68m| CW57kg | bmi 20.4 | HW73kg| GW55kg | 26F:cake:]
Created: Fri Jul 13 00:52:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yhr60/has_anyone_tried_the_simply_delish_zero_instant/
---
So I just came accross this Simply Delish Zero Instant puddings in the grocery store and I so want to eat it. (I have a bad sweet tooth). Has anyone tried it? If yes, what is the taste like?

**Servings per pack: 4\***

**Per 100g** **single serving (125ml)**

Energy 294 cal 32 cal

Protein (g) 3.5 0.4

Glycaemic carbohydrate (g) 61 6

of which total sugar (g) 0.2 0

Total fat (g) 2.9 0.3 of which saturated fat (g) 1.3 0.1

of which monounsaturated fat (g) 0.7 0.1 of which polyunsaturated fat (g) 0.8 0.1

Dietary Fibre (g) 5.9 0.6 Sodium (mg) 2954 321

100 g = 9 single servings

**Hazelnut Flavoured**

**Gluten Free – Preservative Free – Strict Vegetarian – Natural Colours**

---

new to having an ed
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Fri Jul 13 00:43:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yhpck/new_to_having_an_ed/
---

It’s only been a few weeks where I’ve noticed I’m developing an ed and restrict a shit ton of calories each day I know it’s only the beginning of it and this is a stupid question but if i continue this will I look thinner eventually? I’m pretty sure I have body dysmorphia as well and I’m just terrifying of staying looking like a blob forever

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[Discussion] Fiance is suspicious
/u/theskinnyis [5'3" | CW: 225lbs | 39.9BMI | Lost: 25 | F]
Created: Fri Jul 13 00:18:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yhkk7/fiance_is_suspicious/
---
I told him earlier I was really craving pizza (and almost caved into it) and now he keeps asking me shit. Like if I'm eating 2-3 meals a day and he knows about my past ED behavior so he's concerned. I told him it's just pre period cravings but he says he had no clue I had those. I feel like he's super suspicious now. I think I might have to give up OMAD because he definitely won't support it

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I have a date Sunday
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Fri Jul 13 00:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yhjk3/i_have_a_date_sunday/
---
I’m super excited and a bit nervous we’re going to get coffee and we decided we’re going to do an open relationship/summer fling so I’m assuming it’s going to get sexual later on but I’m DREADING to show my body naked it’s driving me insane I really hope I can manage to get my stomach flat by then...

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[Help] Good YouTuber/videos for flexibility?
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Fri Jul 13 00:05:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yhhxr/good_youtubervideos_for_flexibility/
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I want to work on my flexibility instead of weightlifting (don’t want to get fat and bulky). Any girls on YouTube that are small but into gym workouts? Or that have maybe a smaller waist?

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[Rant/Rave] what even are my feelings
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 12 23:56:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yhfy3/what_even_are_my_feelings/
---
do i like him strictly platonically because he cares about me? do i care about him romantically? do i want to kiss him or am i just used to being physical with my affection? why am i feeling weirdly envious of the girl he’s going to go on a date with? is it because it’s less time spent with me when he’s with her or because i want to go on a date with him? i know this isn’t super related to ed’s but this has become my weird safe space to talk and i am just... so confused

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[Discussion] I want to start a YouTube channel.
/u/mrmeseeksbutthole
Created: Thu Jul 12 23:46:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yhdza/i_want_to_start_a_youtube_channel/
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I want to start a YouTube channel where I talk about my mental health, specifically my ED. But I don’t want my face shown, so I was thinking of just doing voiceover videos, and maybe a face reveal someday in the future.

What I’m trying to figure out is what to show on screen as I am doing the voiceover. I’m not good at drawing or anything like that, so I couldn’t film myself doodling while talking, etc. Any ideas to help me out?

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[Rant/Rave] I've eaten more in the last 24 hours than I have in the last week
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:58:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yh3wi/ive_eaten_more_in_the_last_24_hours_than_i_have/
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I had half of a pizza, sweetcorn, half of a chocolate cake, entire share bag of crisps, and some other stuff I can't even remember :(

I was trying so hard to restrict and was on a good roll but I went and MESSED IT UP AAA

---

this girl is a ~pure~ cinnamon roll (one that i wont eat lol). <3
/u/biblicalirony [5'3 | CW: 183 | HW: 234 | LW: 170 | GW: 115 | 15F]
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:54:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yh34w/this_girl_is_a_pure_cinnamon_roll_one_that_i_wont/
---
so i posted a few days ago about how i messaged this girl on instagram. from my school thanking her for being super open about her ed recovery on top of trying to raise awareness about eating disorders in general. she messaged me back, gave me her number, and asked if i wanted to meet up for coffee and update: i agreed to it! if things go to plan, we're meeting next wednesday at a cafe.

aNYWAY not the complete point of this post. so after i initially messaged her, we talked a bit more and i opened up about my ed experience. she was super sweet and helpful and we talked a bit also about what recovery was like for her. contrary to what a part of me was expecting, she wasn't preachy or condescending when talking to me at all, esp. when it came to recovery. i told her i wasn't sure if i was ready for recovery and she was totally accepting of that but she talked to me about this eating disorder support group that meets up in my city every other week. it's super casual and only official in that i think i have to give them my or my parent's information beforehand in case i say something that'd warrant a "breach" in confidentiality (i.e. suicidal ideation, etc.) otherwise, i don't need actual parental consent to attend which is what i told her was one of my biggest fears but i'm really happy she told me about this.

i think i want to go. my only concern is that the meet-ups happen a bit too late so there's no way i'd be able to go without lying to my parents but.. guys, it's just been so nice being able to talk to freely about this to someone in real life. she is so sweet to have done as much as she did for me and to be super non-patronizing about it as well. LIKE - she even offered to ask if she could bring me to what was supposed to be a different alumni group for people going through an ed wtf !! and she hasnt even talked to me before i sent that message.

like for the first time i want to cry for a reason that isn't because i've been restricting too much or binged too much or just -- whatever shame/guilt comes with my ed. i want to cry bc of how happy i am and like. idk you guys. but im really really happy.

---

[Discussion] What makes you keep going? What makes you want to live to see another day?
/u/pineapples_17
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:50:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yh2ai/what_makes_you_keep_going_what_makes_you_want_to/
---

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[Intro] manic episode, purged for the first time, took a bunch of primatene, and now feel like hammered dogshit. hi guys. i’m lonely
/u/phantomsalad
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yh04u/manic_episode_purged_for_the_first_time_took_a/
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I’ve never been the healthiest person (years of substance abuse, restrictive eating and binging cycles, cluster B personality disorder, you know the drill.) there’s no good reason for me to write all this but I’m very lonely

I’d gone quite some time without binging until tonight, which my Very Healthy Brain deemed a good night to eat ice cream and watch extremely fucked up porn (I don’t know why, it’s immensely triggering)

then I felt like a dumbass and purged for the fiest time, didn’t get a whole lot out so I felt like a dumbass again, which led me to drink a monster energy and swallow a small handful of 12mg Primatene tablets, leading me once again to feel like a dumbass. I’m not sure exactly how much Primatene there was

anyways now my heart is for sure telling me that was a bad idea. my blood pressure was super high now super low

I don’t know I’m lonely and my chest hurts

If anyone wants to talk, I am lonely

---

[Help] Losing much boob fat?
/u/insomniaed [5'2 | CW: 54 | GW: 45 | F 20]
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:38:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygzlx/losing_much_boob_fat/
---
So I've been wondering for quite some time now - has anyone here lost actual boob weight because of their ED / general weight loss? I'm asking because I've got really bad body dysphoria + dysmorphia and on top of that a big C cup so looking into the mirror while being naked is literal hell for me. I hope that I can somehow lose enough weight to make my boobs smaller (or at least flatter). It's so frustrating, I guess I really have to get boob surgery in the end to remove them :(

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[Rant/Rave] Possible unpopular opinion I hate all sweetener that isn’t aspartame AKA Stevia is disgusting
/u/gothicapples
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:36:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygzb9/possible_unpopular_opinion_i_hate_all_sweetener/
---
I was looking at a post about Powerade zero and It reminded me how much I hate all sweeteners other than aspartame

Stevia is the worst it has a terrible aftertaste makes me feel gross and I hate everything about it

Aspartame is way better I don’t find it has any taste with all

Oh and there is no evidence that aspartame is bad for you I wrote one of my last papers on this before getting my nutrition degree

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[Help] Lowcal hangover foods?
/u/constantwinter
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:28:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygxd1/lowcal_hangover_foods/
---
If it's one thing I never manage to control, it's when I have a terrible hangover and just want to gorge myself on fastfood. I guess there's just something about the high amounts of fat, salt and carbs that just make it easier to endure.
But then, of course, I get a food hangover the next day and feel even worse about all the shit I've been eating. (((:
So I'm wondering, does anyone know of any foods that satisfy this need of junk food that isn't 700+ kcal per serving? It doesn't have to be within an "ED normal" calorie restriction, I'm just looking for anything that's better than a full serving of pizza/burgers/a mountain of fries.

As I'm not American, I'd prefer replies that aren't too restricted to specific brand products, as I've probably never heard of them and won't be able to get my hands on them.

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[Rant/Rave] What a year so far, you can tell when i started losing control of everything in my life except one thing .-.
/u/deadly_nightshaade [6'0 | 197 | 27.3 | -37 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:27:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygx69/what_a_year_so_far_you_can_tell_when_i_started/
---
https://i.redd.it/o1tntrwj7n911.png

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Do we have a proed drunk sub?
/u/fatpiggy4957
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:21:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygvvj/do_we_have_a_proed_drunk_sub/
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Bc if not we totally should

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[Help] Boyfriend found out I’ve been restricting for 2 weeks and I actually want to die help....WIBTA? (tw)
/u/Sarahsj44
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:20:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygvjj/boyfriend_found_out_ive_been_restricting_for_2/
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(TW)

My boyfriend already knows about my eating disorder, he knows about the purging, all my tricks and excuses, any trick or tip, name it and he will recognize it.
note: we are in an LDR


So two weeks ago I was done with this whole recovery thing because I was just constantly binging and crying, so I decided I wanted to start restricting again. (tW) I water fasted for a whole week and he didn’t know a thing, he found out about it last week because my best friend told him and he got mad for 2 minutes but then decided to give me another chance and he made me promise I wouldn’t starve again.. so I did..
Next morning I wake up and tell myself that I promised him so I have to at least try. So I ate, and by the end of the day I was under 800 calories, I wasn’t remotely hungry so technically I wasn’t starving.. *shrug*

Anyway next day I weigh and I actually lost even more weight? So I decided to keep on going for the rest of the week, but the guilt of not telling him was honestly killing me. My anorexia is as loud as ever now and I’ve been crying for an hour about how trash it makes me feel, so I waited for my boyfriend to go to sleep, and once he said he was going to I just told him everything. To my surprise he was awake and he read my messages and he’s now extremely mad...
I really don’t blame him I completely broke his trust and lied to him, I really hate myself for it, he’s nothing but sweet and loving towards me and he always supports me, and this is just always what I do. He really doesn’t ask for much, he just tells me to at least eat 1200 calories a day so I at least lose healthily but I just can’t..

I’m seeing him in December and I just have to be skinny...
I really don’t know what to do about it..
especially since I plan to keep on starving.......

Would I be the asshole if I kept starving anyway and just found a better way to lie/hide?

I don’t know but I feel like once he sees me skinny me he will love it and regret all the times he got mad at me for restricting..?

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Getting back into the restriction groove
/u/tinseltowngirl
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:07:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygshc/getting_back_into_the_restriction_groove/
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Long time anorexic currently in a slump. Gained about 20lbs over maintain weight :///.

I’m prescribed Ritalin and modafinil so those help a lot but idk...having a hard time getting back into the old groove.

Any tricks or tips for motivation or restriction. I chug cold brew like it’s oxygen but I need more help.

Side note I’m celiac so no gluten :/

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I’m a monster
/u/AnyDumbThing
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:03:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygrl7/im_a_monster/
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Meant to eat under 500 today, but got hungry and ended up putting away 12k. So angry with myself. I’ve been taking in over 12k every day the past week. So. Mad. How do I get back on track with restriction? Please tell me to believe in myself, because I don’t believe in myself much right now.

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[Rant/Rave] Cried over ice cream today.
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 110 | GW 100 | 18FtM]
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:02:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygr93/cried_over_ice_cream_today/
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Whenever I cry over food I'm reminded of how sick I really am. It reminds me that this isn't just an extreme diet and really is a disorder. Whenever I cry over food I feel so fucking lonely

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DUMPED & DRUNK
/u/dumpeddrunk
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:02:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygr5d/dumped_drunk/
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not that drunk. drank a 7% kombucha, smoked weed and didn't eat anything because i'm a socal bitch and that's what we do. my boyfriend of 5 FUCKING YEARS dumped me. still don't know why really. think he's depressed. he says he's cynical and negative and doesn't deserve me. LOAD OF SHIT. i think he's probably just sick of me. thinks i'm ugly and fat now that i've gained weight. i get it. it's not like i don't see it. this will give me the motivation i finally need. i got phentermine today at a clinic. has anyone ever done that? i've done speed before so i think i know what to expect.

anyway. sorry guys. needed to vent. what i really want to know is what i should do now that i'm single and free!!! i have no sex drive so i'm not about to rebound but i want to do things i've never done. advice?

i'm thinking... tattoo, vacation, art class, exercise, eat healthy, get a pet.

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This will definitely work...
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 107.8 | -30.2 | F | G: 95]
Created: Thu Jul 12 22:00:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygqn2/this_will_definitely_work/
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Sheesh.. so I know this is bad to think, I do! But it lets me focus on something "positive"; a concrete goal that I will get praise for. The trick is not going overboard, which I know I won't be able to do. I like fast food too much. Like today, the only thing I ate was 4 white castle cheese burgers with medium fries. It was delicious!

I decided to quit my job this Tuesday. I also decided to take 2 months off and then start looking for a job... So... 99 pounds has been my goal for a while and my 2 month vacation is the best time to do it. (Right now I'm a fat ass at 114 :( I've been too ashamed to update my stats...) When I'm hungry I become very bitchy, angry and short tempered. I won't really be able to sustain it if I'm employed. After 2 months, I will feel like I achieved something.

Losing weight is the only thing I feel like I can achieve and I will get praise for.

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[Other] tumblr?
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 110 | GW 100 | 18FtM]
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:59:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygqiz/tumblr/
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hey, i don't know if this is allowed but feel free to remove my post if it is.

anyone else have an ed blog on tumblr and wanna be mutuals? :)

my blog is @wannaberepulsive

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I want to go swimming so bad
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:45:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygna2/i_want_to_go_swimming_so_bad/
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Sorry, this post is going to be rambly. I want to go swimming and enjoy myself but I look so bloated all the fucking time!!! I'm pretty sure (as I've posted before) that it's because I practically live off diet soda but it's so hard to stop. I don't have any friends where I live. I moved here my senior year and finished school online a few years ago and I'm not close to any of my coworkers so I'd never normally have anyone to go with but my sister is visiting from a few states away and then I'm going with her back to her house to visit my dad so I'll finally have someone to go with to the water parks both here and there but I just tried on my swimsuit and I look like I'm pregnant I'm literally so bloated and it never goes away. I just want to go and enjoy myself doing something fun I wouldn't normally get to do with someone I like who I don't normally get to see but I know if I do I'll just feel self-conscious and fat the whole time. I wanna cry and I want someone here with me who understands this so they can be honest with me of how bad I actually look but I don't have any friends let alone friends with the same problems I have.

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I’ve fasted for every day but two so far in July ...
/u/Cashmeresweateryay [37F | 5'9" | 155 | 22.9 (gross) | HW: 170 | LW: 130 | GW: 120]
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:41:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygmd2/ive_fasted_for_every_day_but_two_so_far_in_july/
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I’m really proud of this! Headed to a work conference tomorrow so I’ll have to break my fast for a work dinner. But I just love looking at this!

http://imgur.com/pHMVIzZ

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[Discussion] How do you guys recover from a binge when you dont purge
/u/eighttorches
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:37:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygll8/how_do_you_guys_recover_from_a_binge_when_you/
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Physically and mentally if you can, thanks :( im so close to a panic attack today has just been awful and any advice would be appreciated

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[Tip] Terrible Tip: If you set your goals low enough, you'll always be in a deficit even when you fail
/u/jklikes
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:36:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygla4/terrible_tip_if_you_set_your_goals_low_enough/
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This is the worst tip in the world, and I'm scared I'm going to trigger someone. But I just ate two donuts (no binging yay!) and brought myself 400 kcal over my budget....and I'm still under my TDEE so yay(ish)!

https://i.redd.it/18odjtzktm911.jpg

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DAE have a kitchen cabinet that SCREAMS ED? Lol 😂
/u/prettyplease2468 [5'5 | CW: 111.2lb | BMI: 18.5 | GW: 107 | SW: 124 | 18F]
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:36:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygl92/dae_have_a_kitchen_cabinet_that_screams_ed_lol/
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https://i.redd.it/1o72wxohym911.jpg

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What really weird things do you do to lose calories?
/u/AnAccidentSince1997 [5'10'' | CW: 183 | GW: 160 | Weight Lost: 42 lb | F 21]
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:35:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygkya/what_really_weird_things_do_you_do_to_lose/
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I go on these heavy metal walks. If you've seen a girl in the evening wearing sweatpants and a huge baggy tshirt absolutely rocking out and headbanging and playing air drums as she walks at lightening speed down the sidewalk, that would be me 😅 I burn off so much more doing this and sweat so profusely, and it's great fun!

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[Discussion] DAE consume CBD oil?
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_ [5'6 | CW 131.5 | GW 120 | UGW 100| F]
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:33:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygkgn/dae_consume_cbd_oil/
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I've noticed it allows me to eat a small amount of calories like 500 or even up to 1200 in a day but without guilt. I feel fuller on the food instead of that weird feeling of when you break a fast & my body is like "fuck you, give me the nutrients". Also maybe my joints don't hurt so much from all the cardio.



I'm still figuring out the dosage but I like it more than drinking to take the edge off & still being able to work out on it is nice. ( I can't smoke weed anymore & have issues with benzos)

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[Rant/Rave] How can I make it through more than 3 days or "normal eating" when everything out there is about body transformation and weight loss.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 102| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.6]
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:29:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygjlb/how_can_i_make_it_through_more_than_3_days_or/
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I have been in such a bad spot lately. I have been scared and I know I have been going down hill. Today I feel like I fucked up in even wanting or seeing my ED as bad. This is all I have, what was I even thinking.

I've been trying to eat the past few days, which seems to be eating a lot until I feel so sick I just pass out. I also got a tattoo yesterday and was told by my artist that it would definitely take a lot out of me that night and today and to just eat and rest for a day. I slept for 14 hrs. last night and then ate so much tonight. After eating for a few days I feel like a massive whale. I feel like I gained 10lbs and am petrified to weight myself. I know I am bloated mostly, but I think we all know it's just bloat when it happens, but in the moment seems like it will last forever.

After trying to "save myself" and try to start eating I am now disgusted with myself. It doesn't help that EVERYWHERE there are things about such positive weight loss and body transformation. I want to be the end of the journey, not the beginning. I don't want to gain. I am so scared to gain weight. I want my body to be small and how it was last week. I feel people even see me heavier already, I hate how I look.

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Twizzlers are ultimate safe snacc
/u/cryingboi65
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:24:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygi4f/twizzlers_are_ultimate_safe_snacc/
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We got like a big ol pack and in total it was only 120 calories,yeet.

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Funny interaction with a friend
/u/Barkalow
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:14:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygfbr/funny_interaction_with_a_friend/
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Randomly found this sub from /r/all, but I was talking to a friend recently about a diet I had started.

It began as a normal calorie cut, but then devolved into "Well if -500 calories works well, then -2500 calories will work even better..."

To which they replied "Sounds like an ed, but ok, lol"

>[mfw](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/021/464/14608107_1180665285312703_1558693314_n.jpg)

Also hi to any other drastic measure gym-going guys, feel like I may be alone there

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[Rant/Rave] CBD is helping me stop binging & purging!
/u/liquid_nitrogenn
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:06:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygdcl/cbd_is_helping_me_stop_binging_purging/
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So I just started taking CBD oil to help with anxiety, and since anxiety/stress/PTSD symptoms tend to lead to b/p episodes for me, this has been SO helpful in calming me down and preventing the whole 7000-9000 calorie self-destruction thing. I've just felt so much less on edge and it's been really nice.

The downside is that with gastroparesis and lack of hunger cues, I'm now left with restricting as my only physically comfortable option, and on top of that I'm *still* scared to eat normally for fear of triggering flashbacks or nightmares.

But just thought I'd share that I'm actually feeling pretty okay for once and not totally drowning in my anxiety. I feel like I'm starting to get a grip on b/p behaviors, and I'm super proud that I didn't purge at all today after a couple weeks of up to 3 b/p sessions/day and purging up to 7x/day 😊

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i feel like a failure and i’m freaking out
/u/cinnamonpatt
Created: Thu Jul 12 21:04:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygczs/i_feel_like_a_failure_and_im_freaking_out/
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well, i went out to dinner with my family and i ate a spring roll, 6 slices of sushi. after that my sister made cookies and gave me two small walnut ones and a big chocolate chip one. i ate them all. i told myself i wouldn’t eat today, that i would purge anything i ate because i ate lunch and dinner yesterday. i didn’t eat lunch and breakfast today (i purged them out) but then i had to go and eat the damn cookies and sushi. i’m freaking out. my parents know that i have bulimia so they won’t let me alone so i’m forced to keep everything in. and every time i try to eat little i end up not being able to control myself. i feel like a failed anorexic. why am i like this ?

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[Discussion] New here, wondering if anyone else doesn’t really like healthy foods?
/u/notyouraveragefruit
Created: Thu Jul 12 20:59:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ygbnr/new_here_wondering_if_anyone_else_doesnt_really/
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Hi! I’m new here, but just wondering if anyone else is like this: I typically limit myself to one “meal” a day, but I’m *extremely* picky when it comes to food. I have a huge problem with tastes, smells, and textures, and it’s limited what I can eat since I was a kid. I hate most meats, vegetables, beans, all fish, basically everything healthy for me, which sucks. I really hate not being able to eat things like salad, which I know would be great for losing weight and getting better instead of just not eating u_u I was just curious if there’s anyone else like this too

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[Discussion] Anyone else here fucking love cucumbers?
/u/hypothermi_a
Created: Thu Jul 12 20:08:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfzf4/anyone_else_here_fucking_love_cucumbers/
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I love how watery they taste. I love popping the seeds in my mouth to get to the juicy insides. They have vitamins and shit in them too, they’re really good for you! I love those green bastards.

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Not sure what’s going on mentally.
/u/Bluefrenchhrn
Created: Thu Jul 12 20:06:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfyzn/not_sure_whats_going_on_mentally/
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So I’m 31, 3 weeks post op from a hysterectomy, after 5 years weight gain inducing infertility treatments (they failed-maybe related to how I’m feeling) physically I feel better, no pain, no more unbearable periods.

I’m currently 5 foot 5 and 275 lbs. I’ve wanted to loose weight for a while now, but with in the past week or so I’m beginning to obsess about it. I find myself wishing I had the willpower to restrict and fast. I feel like I’m headed down a dangerous path.

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[Rant/Rave] My bf made dinner tonight
/u/cavicat
Created: Thu Jul 12 19:53:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfvuj/my_bf_made_dinner_tonight/
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My partner is really incredible, he works in the mental health field and is always very supportive of me and all that. He's really a blessing overall. We're vacationing together and for the most part I've been doing the cooking and it's been fine. Tonight, he made dinner (blanched asparagus, macaroni and cheese, and a veggie burger even though he's hardcore carnivore usually). I feel so guilty that it's taken me about 2 hours just to get half of it down but idk. I'm trying to recover and stuff but it's hard, especially since there's a big full length mirror right next to the table. I feel like I'm hyperaware of how much butter he used (so much). I just feel really guilty. I'm not sure why I'm posting this, just shouting into the void hoping it helps a bit. He's self conscious about his cooking too but like it's hard to tell him it's really good but I'm just not feeling okay enough right now.

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Feeling faint. What do
/u/rougoku [5'7" | CW: 136 & BMI: 21 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 12 19:46:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfu20/feeling_faint_what_do/
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I’m at work, and I feel so lightheaded and dizzy. But if I eat anything, I feel like I’ll choke. No food even looks appealing. I hate this.

What do I do?

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s.o.s dinner with the boyfriends family (help me choose)
/u/lilyswen
Created: Thu Jul 12 19:39:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfs9c/sos_dinner_with_the_boyfriends_family_help_me/
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aaah so I'm going out for dinner with my boyfriend and his family, and he sent me the link to the menu because he knows how much im stressing!

what do you guys think would be the lowest calorie option, without looking like im intentionally restricting? Everyone around me will be eating burgers and pasta and I don't want to be the odd one out picking at a salad. any suggestions would be so incredibly appreciated 💖💖

https://i.redd.it/xu6q4uofdm911.png

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[Help] Ok this isn't on topic but I need to know
/u/shy2602lee
Created: Thu Jul 12 19:23:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfo39/ok_this_isnt_on_topic_but_i_need_to_know/
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How do you add the blue thing next to your name

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[Discussion] has anyone else stopped enjoying old binge foods?
/u/lawsoflife [5'5'' | CW: 188 GW: 110 | -23 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 12 19:17:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfmps/has_anyone_else_stopped_enjoying_old_binge_foods/
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I decided I would have some peanut butter as a snack tonight and wtf....it tasted so weird?? maybe because I haven’t eaten it in a while but it was soooo sweet and the texture was so off putting that I just tossed it. tbh I’m kinda sad because I used to love pb but also so happy that I won’t waste my calorie allowance eating spoonfuls and spoonfuls of it

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[Help] scale won’t calibrate at my apartment
/u/NoMindNeverMatter
Created: Thu Jul 12 19:01:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfifj/scale_wont_calibrate_at_my_apartment/
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I’m an obsessive weigh-er (20+ times a day) and I can’t calibrate my scale at my new apartment because I live on a mountain. It will give me a 6 lb range within 5 minutes. It’s giving me so much anxiety.

What do I do? I don’t know where there is level ground and even if I found it and compared numbers, I get several different numbers in the same spot of my apartment one after the other.

I’m freaking out!!!

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when u eat something n u just feel like
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 110 | GW 100 | 18FtM]
Created: Thu Jul 12 18:58:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfhqb/when_u_eat_something_n_u_just_feel_like/
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https://i.redd.it/a58tzvjb6m911.jpg

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[Help] Laxatives don’t work... and no much else does.... in desperate need of constipation help...
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Thu Jul 12 18:48:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfezo/laxatives_dont_work_and_no_much_else_does_in/
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https://i.redd.it/dwg8b5uf4m911.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Why can't I see myself for what I am?
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Thu Jul 12 18:47:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfeq0/why_cant_i_see_myself_for_what_i_am/
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I really don't understand that while my scale says I'm losing weight, whenever I look at myself in the mirror all I see is fat. It's like I don't actually know what I look like and everyone else around me knows what I do. Am I fat? Am I skinny? I feel like I do look fat..

It feels like I have really fogged up glasses and nothing I do works to wipe it off.

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I feel like the lone super obese person here
/u/FAYGOLMAO [5'8 | CW: 🐘 | -10lb | F]
Created: Thu Jul 12 18:46:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfeim/i_feel_like_the_lone_super_obese_person_here/
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I mean i know there are others who are obese that are on here. Im too ashamed to say my weight but its the highest ive ever seen on here. Makes me feel so much like an imposter. Ive lost 100 pounds from restricting before and was still really fat. Now im in a b/p phase and im staying under my tdee still but damn. I feel alone in this. I feel like im not valid. Ive posted on here like 5 times in the past week because i really have nobody to talk to lol. I relate to so many things but damn. Im in the upper 200s and its like seriously stupid how fat i am. If anyone in with a higher bmi like in the 200s wants to talk that would be awesome. Even people with lower bmis, im just afraid of being judged.

Well thats my rantish begging for friends who understand lmao. Im kinda pathetic haha

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went out to dinner with some friends today
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Thu Jul 12 18:42:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfdew/went_out_to_dinner_with_some_friends_today/
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We had sushi (my biggest weakness) and I lost count of how many rolls I ate 😭 lately I’ve had such a wonderful relationship without food and feeling full for the first time in weeks feels so odd idk if I’d consider this as binge but I’m definitely fasting tonight

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[Rant/Rave] I want off this crazy ride
/u/GodSaveAmerilesbiana
Created: Thu Jul 12 18:36:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yfbrp/i_want_off_this_crazy_ride/
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Well sup it's only like 7 in the evening, this is my first post, and im just feeling like s h i t e so hey here I am sorry if this is some unorganized mess. (Also I'm sorry for the odd tone of this post, I use humor to cope.)

Frankly put, I'm in the middle of a binge fast cycle and I can't take it much longer.

I binged on Saturday, fasted for two days, then proceeded to fucking gorge myself and ate back every calorie burned. I ate like normal yesterday and then I binged again today. (I can't purge, I've tried but I can't get anything up.) I just don't think anyone will fucking take me seriously if I confide in them because I'm underweight. Sometimes I outright say that I won't buy certain foods because I've binged on them in the past and all that I get is a scoff or side-eye, sometimes a "You need to gain, anyway" comment. Hell I JUST crossed into the underweight border too haha so there goes my party. Hell it's not about losing weight anymore. I just don't want to gain (I know that I've gained 1 pound so far and I'm ready2die now lol) I'm gonna fast all day tomorrow so that will undo half of the damage. (Thank god for being tall and being on my feet all day most days for a high tdee.) But like hhhhhh no one in my life knows that haHAHA I have an eating disorder.

I'm so scared of this cycle.

I don't want to gain.

It's just I'm so fucking hungry and I can't stop thinking about food like some pig.

I could MAYBE fast for two days, it's not a matter of ability but really just a matter of not raising suspicion, I'm going on vacation soon and I'm sure I could blame not eating on just my stomach being stressed from a day of air travel. (At the very least, I could do a 40 hour fast.)

Hey, this is the first time I've ever even confided in anyone about this. bluh.

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[Discussion] Anyone else refuse to eat for really dumb reasons?
/u/AS123x
Created: Thu Jul 12 18:29:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yf9oc/anyone_else_refuse_to_eat_for_really_dumb_reasons/
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I was about to make myself ramen when I got into a fight with my dad, I got so upset I put the pack of ramen back into the pantry and went back upstairs to my room.

Share your dumb reasons for not eating so I don’t feel so alone lol

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[Goal] Almost back down to my LW!
/u/thingsarestranger
Created: Thu Jul 12 18:27:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yf962/almost_back_down_to_my_lw/
---
I decided after a week of good restriction that I would weigh myself at Publix and if I lost anything I’d let myself have a B/P bc I’ve just been craving a really bad one lately and haven’t let myself have any sweets or junk this week. Weighed myself and last week I was 136.5, this week I was 131!!! I was so happy I bought some ice cream and I’m gonna get really high and celebrate lol my goal is 85-115 (big range bc i don’t know what I look like at those weights). My lowest weight since I’ve been 18 was 127 so I’m so close! Waking up tomorrow and going to the gym for 2 hours and getting back into my restricting. My goal is to hit 120 or hopefully lower by my birthday in August.

---

[Help] Fitting Rooms
/u/moonspirit2030
Created: Thu Jul 12 18:21:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yf7sr/fitting_rooms/
---
I feel like I should just avoid looking at myself in general. Every time I see myself in the fitting room mirror I cry and think about how disgusting and fat I look. I hate it

---

[Help] I'm a bit worried about my planned vacation
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn [167cm | cw: ? | gw: 60kg | 17f]
Created: Thu Jul 12 18:04:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yf356/im_a_bit_worried_about_my_planned_vacation/
---
I'm going on vacation to Canada in a week to visit a friend, and while I'm excited as hell, I also have some worries. She doesn't know about my ED, nor do I want her to. It's not that I don't trust her enough, but I definitely won't see her for at least a year after this, so I just want to enjoy our three weeks together without her worrying about me. But I am scared that I won't be able to eat normally, thus raise suspicion. I usually try to eat around 800 cals a day, but I know that isn't a feasible thing to do and neither is purging. So I need to find a way to eat as little as possible without raising any suspicion, and if I do eat more than I wanted to, I need to know how not to freak out about it. Can you guys maybe help me with that? Also, do any of you know if Canada is like the US with portion size and calories, and if so, what are the best low-cal foods/foodplaces?

Idk I'm typing this at 2 am, so it might be all over the place, but your help would be really appreciated

---

Only I can fix me
/u/relapseandrecovery
Created: Thu Jul 12 17:22:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yess7/only_i_can_fix_me/
---
My summer roommate has known about my ED for about 2 weeks now. She probably knew sooner but it's been about that long since I acknowledged it with her. I've taken this to mean I can be open with her especially since I won't likely ever see her again. It's pretty much at THAT point where the person tries to say something to fix you. They say something you don't really believe and you're unsure they even do. Whatever they say, they hope it's some life changing thing but it never is. It's always something you already knew or heard before. It's just depressing now. No one can fix me. I'm not dying so I just can't take anyone seriously. I'm in the part of relapsing where I think I'm not worth any of it and there's no point and I don't buy any of the recovery crap I tell myself the other half of the year/cycle. The parts that have put me farther into recovery have all been self reflective realizations. I had one about 8 months ago that kept me going for awhile but now I'm just in an environment where it means nothing to me. Idk I'm just tired and ready to go back to school where I can distract myself with not anorexia

---

[Help] Emotional Eater
/u/coffeeanddietcokee
Created: Thu Jul 12 17:21:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yesje/emotional_eater/
---
I'm totally a comfort eater. If I'm upset or PMSing all I want to do is eat. Its the only thing that makes me feel a little better (in the moment). Today I was PMSing all day and just sad in general (for no apparent reason other than PMS) and the only thing I could think about all day was food, despite the fact I wasn't hungry.

But if I'm angry, happy, or extremely anxious I don't want to eat at all.

What do you fellow comfort eaters do to prevent snacking due to emotions?

---

[Rant/Rave] Helping improve university resources: AN UPDATE
/u/spiNACHOcolate2 [170cm | CW:48kg(LW) | 16.61 | HW:69kg]
Created: Thu Jul 12 17:17:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yerhd/helping_improve_university_resources_an_update/
---
If you’ve been following, I decided to approach the uni to offer help in updating eating disorder resources. The meeting was this morning.

It was rather a successful meeting, with the coordinator being very positive, but also inquisitive as to why I felt there needed to be an improvement. Having told her that I remain anorexic and wouldn’t wish this upon anyone in the world, I suggested (and she agreed) that it would be an excellent idea to have an “insider”, so it were, to work on resources.

Whilst we discussed running a support group at great length, we came to the conclusion that it may not be as beneficial as it sounds - it may become a competition or trigger group which would work entirely against the cause.

I have now been left with the gargantuan task of designing information leaflets, posters, additional information for the uni website, and have been put in contact with the student’s union wellbeing officer in order to work more closely with them. The coordinator was ecstatic that someone as open and passionate as I would use my experience to help others.

On the other side, however, it turned a little uncomfortable when she began asking how I was getting on with my disorder. Once I’d mentioned the 13 or so professionals I had seen the coordinator suggested that I saw myself unable to be helped. Admittedly, this isn’t too far from the truth and I told her that I’ve been living with it for so long that I’ve become used to it and it’s part of my personality, as much as I wish it were not. She asked whether I would like to see someone else - even herself who only takes on 1-2 students because of the business of her job - and I declined.

I thought I’d update you all on how the meeting went. If anyone has suggestions for what information I should include, or any other ideas I could roll out that’d be amazing. I think I’ve taken on quite a significant responsibility here, but I only hope that it’ll serve to help others and even if only one more person comes forward then it is worth all the time in the world.

---

Thyroid Pain after Purging?
/u/FAYGOLMAO
Created: Thu Jul 12 17:10:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yepo8/thyroid_pain_after_purging/
---
Has anyone else experienced this? I just finished with a purge and my thyroid is tender to the touch.

---

"Meal planning"
/u/boxxfive [5'4" | CW: 120 | GW: 100 | -18]
Created: Thu Jul 12 17:01:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yen5g/meal_planning/
---
https://i.imgur.com/GgLbgIb.jpg

---

[Discussion] Hanger
/u/whatxever [5'2 | 122 | -29 | GW: 121 | UGW: 109 | F]
Created: Thu Jul 12 16:58:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yem9l/hanger/
---
Why do people who skip breakfast and lunch get hangry but not people like me who haven’t eaten in 6 days????

My mom won’t eat until dinner time (to be fair she smokes and drinks a ton of coffee as soon as she wakes up) and she gets irrationally hangry. But maybe that’s also because she’s a generally angry person lol.

But I also feel this applies to me? Like I get grouchy if I haven’t eaten by like 3 pm during a non fast period (so I’m actually eating everyday). But, like I said, I haven’t eaten in more than 6 days & I’m not hangry at all.

Thoughts/anyone else?

---

I hate shopping for clothes
/u/cryingboi65
Created: Thu Jul 12 16:27:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yedqb/i_hate_shopping_for_clothes/
---
So I'm a freshman in highschool and today my brother and his girlfriend took me clothes shopping for school and no matter what they told me,I thought nothing would fit and I'd look fat and revolting in everything,long story short,when I got home I purged,kiiiillllll meeeee

---

Which matters more to you: numbers or visual results?
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 114| LW: 110 |HW: 134|UGW: 105|19F]
Created: Thu Jul 12 16:07:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ye886/which_matters_more_to_you_numbers_or_visual/
---
Even though I can't see the results on my body, seeing a low number on a scale will make me feel really nice. It's validating, knowing that technically I'm underweight, even if I look in the mirror and only see the fat that's left. But on the other hand, the beginnings of a thigh gap, chest bones that you can see, and protruding hipbones will make me feel just as good as seeing a new LW. But body dysmorphia prevents me from seeing that most of the time. What about you guys?

---

[Other] I think I have a problem
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere [170cm | GW 45kg | 🇨🇦 ♂︎ | 🍑 same]
Created: Thu Jul 12 16:06:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ye7n9/i_think_i_have_a_problem/
---
https://i.redd.it/oxm0jqyibl911.jpg

---

[Other] I got so hungry I broke down and ate one of the ramens that’ve been in my pantry for months
/u/chezpajama
Created: Thu Jul 12 15:44:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ye1h4/i_got_so_hungry_i_broke_down_and_ate_one_of_the/
---
And I was all OMG this has so much flavor and complexity!!

I consider myself to know what good food is, but yeah, I was so impressed by the nuances of shitty Nissin chicken ramen.

I pretty much only drank the broth. Had a few bites of the noodles, but decided they weren’t worth it. They did taste better than usual though.

---

How do you find a good therapist?
/u/UnderseaK [5'7|cw: 145lbs|gw: 110lbs]
Created: Thu Jul 12 15:35:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ydys5/how_do_you_find_a_good_therapist/
---
Title is self-explantory. How do you find a good therapist? What even makes a good therapist?


I was seeing a therapist for a couple of months but I felt like it just wasn't working. She would always say stuff like "Instead of restricting, you should eat normally." Or "Recovery is suffering, and you just need to do things that you are uncomfortable with." I also felt that she talked a lot more than listened. Maybe she was an awesome therapist that just wasn't for me...but how do I find one that is right for me?


Does anyone have any specific recommendations for someone they've seen in the Kansas City area? Bonus points for someone who also deals with anxiety and ptsd. I've actually had therapists tell me that they can't work with me because eating disorders are so "specialized", which is super demoralizing.

---

[Rant/Rave] my mom accidentally triggered me
/u/annoyingdoggy
Created: Thu Jul 12 15:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ydvkj/my_mom_accidentally_triggered_me/
---
We just came back from a trip and I may or may not have binged quite a bit because I got wine drunk basically every day. Just started unpacking and my mom said she thinks both of us gained a lot of weight and that you can tell by our thighs.
I’d been trying not to think about how much I probably packed on, telling myself it could possibly help with a woosh but now I just feel fat and disgusting. Doesn’t help that my thighs are fat as is, even when I’ve been closer to my first GW. Idk, just felt like venting. I know she didn’t mean any harm, just felt uncomfortably reminded of how my body is.

---

Anyone else want weight loss surgery?
/u/Myrrsha
Created: Thu Jul 12 15:24:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ydvb7/anyone_else_want_weight_loss_surgery/
---
I've told therapists and friends and my fiancé that I want a gastric bypass, but because I'm a BMI of 22 (and fluctuate down sometimes) I would get laughed at. Sometimes when I self harm, I cut my thighs and stomach to "cut out the fat" (even though I know that's not actually happening, it's more of a symbolic thing) but that's not really important for this post. Does anyone else get like this, where you get so obsessed with getting weight loss surgery? I've made some posts here and relate to everything here but I don't have an ED

---

[Other] Just a heads up, fitbit app is acting really weird
/u/LizE4
Created: Thu Jul 12 15:07:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ydqer/just_a_heads_up_fitbit_app_is_acting_really_weird/
---
If anyone else uses the Fitbit app to keep track of the calories you eat, double and triple check that things are being logged right. Some weird glitch snuck by in the last update. I noticed it when I tried to log my cheerios this morning... After I put them in the app, they randomly changed to "creamy rice and chicken soup". When I tried a different flavour of cheerios, it changed it to "lemonade" (and not even the same calorie amounts. When I tried to log my pasta later, it flat out just refused to log it and instantly deleted it each time.

So yeah, just keep an eye out if you use it or else your calorie count might end up way off.

---

[Rant/Rave] And this is why I never post photos to my social media anymore.
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Thu Jul 12 14:42:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ydit1/and_this_is_why_i_never_post_photos_to_my_social/
---
My god. For once I’m feeling good about myself and the last two times I posted photos, I had to delete comments from “concerned” relatives and friends about how skinny I look and how I “need more food lol”.

Like I know they’re concerned and love me. A lot. On the other hand I am a private person and I find these comments of concern so embarrassing. I literally spent the past couple days feeling fat, wear an outfit I like post a photo and bam comments. Why can’t people just call or DM me if they’re so concerned about me instead of letting everyone on Instagram or Facebook know! Fuck.

I honestly don’t think I look sickly skinny or thin. I hate those comments so, so much. There goes my self confidence lol

---

What would you choose from this menu so as not to seem disordered while also consuming the fewest calories? I'm leaning towards tandoor citrus king prawns.
/u/eightstone
Created: Thu Jul 12 14:26:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yddt4/what_would_you_choose_from_this_menu_so_as_not_to/
---
http://dabbawal.com/menus-high-bridge/

---

[Rant/Rave] Binged. Efffff meeeee
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Thu Jul 12 14:15:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ydaka/binged_efffff_meeeee/
---
I was literally 3 pounds away from being in the 130’s. THREE. POUNDS. I’ve been stuck in a plateau and I’ve done so well just to keep my head down and keep doing what I know works.

I’ve been waiting for the whoosh.

Well after seeing the same weight for 14 days in a row...I broke.

I was doing fine, but I’ve been sitting at a table with [endless amounts of full size candy bars](https://imgur.com/a/0IoxehC) as I recruit at a job fair.

And 5 hours in, I just reached for a snickers without even thinking about it.

And then another. And then another. And then 2 more.

9 full sized snickers later, I switched to kit kat bars.

13 full sized kit kat bars later, I moved onto the Mikly Ways.

Then stopped for donuts and ice cream on the way home.

And then polished off a half-eaten jar of peanut butter once I got home because eff me right?

I woke up to a SIX POUND GAIN.

I know a lot of it is water. But I swear if I don’t get my head on straight, this will end up bleeding into the next two, three, four days.

JUST NEED TO MAKE IT THROUGH TODAY.

---

Real life Ana buddy!
/u/shy2602lee
Created: Thu Jul 12 14:08:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yd8ar/real_life_ana_buddy/
---
Hiii! I'm Lee, 16 and in the Tampa Bay area. I was looking for a potential friend and and buddy. We could hang out irl and help each other with our goals and all that. Plus, it'd be nice to have a friend.
PM me if you're interested!
(Pls don't be older than 20)

---

[Rant/Rave] The TRUTH about Diet Coke ( a 3 part Shane Dawson documentary)
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Thu Jul 12 13:56:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yd4gc/the_truth_about_diet_coke_a_3_part_shane_dawson/
---
I was drinking Diet Coke at work the other day and my coworker started telling me about how it’ll give me cancer(?) and I jokingly said that I’ll take that chance if it means zero calories versus 140 or whatever it is for normal soda. She then went on to explain to me that there are actually much more calories in Diet Coke, and I said well yeah there’s probably like 4 or something, definitely less than 10.
And she said that there are hundreds of carbs and calories in Diet Coke but it’s not on the label because a chemical, specifically aspartame, and others, is added to the soda but they can say it has zero calories because the chemical isn’t considered a food so they don’t have to list it...?

Anyway now everyone knows, Diet Coke actually contains hundreds of calories but they say it is zero and it’s totally not breaking the law at all and we’re all basically poisoning ourselves and dying. Woohoo! So glad I had the opportunity to be educated on the truth!

(Sarcasm if you couldn’t tell)

---

[Rant/Rave] Rant about this past week
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Thu Jul 12 13:49:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yd29l/rant_about_this_past_week/
---
Last weekend I went on a picnic/small road trip to a town a couple hours away with family and a couple family friends. I had a small energy bar from a cafe for breakfast and another small date square from a different cafe for lunch. They were both under my limit for the day but kind of approaching, so the dinner/picnic I opted out of drinking anything and also I refused to have chips even though they were being offered to me. I basically only ate fruit salad and a lot of watermelon at that picnic. Also notable: we had done quite a bit of intense yoga (inversions workshop) for three hours earlier that day. So anyway the tldr of it is that calories-wise I was definitely not worried, but I'd eaten a lot of sugar.

My mom had been making fun of me since the morning, saying I was eating "too much" and comparing me to a sugar addict (for the record she got a large muffin for breakfast and a buddha bowl for lunch, which sounds healthy maybe but that shit is loaded with rice i.e STARCH... as far as I'm concerned starch is nothing more than sugars in a string...) She was comparing me to a food addict, saying I couldn't stop stuffing my face with sugar, trying to get everyone else to agree with her and say I was eating so many desserts. She also kept offering me chips at the picnic, trying to get me to eat some, and then she started angrily speaking to me because I opted for the fruits instead – "wow you have such a problem that even here you're choosing the sugary foods". It was all getting a lot so I excused myself to go to the bathroom and stayed there for a couple minutes to cry and then wash my face.

When I got back my sister made a very loud remark about "oh you were in the bathroom for soooo long" and of course my mom and our family friends all looked at me. And then later at home we had a huge fight with my mom, I ended up having a melt down, she forced me to eat a massive dinner at 10 pm which made me freak out even more, etc. all because supposedly I must have purged in the bathroom and—more importantly—"embarrassed" her in front of her friends. Everything is about her, I guess. Anyway, I couldn't even say that it was obvious I hadn't purged, like there are things that you know to watch out for once you've purged enough and I was clearly not displaying any of them. But that would have required me to solidly admit to having purged before. All I could do was keep denying what she was accusing me of. And it was so frustrating, because my biochem/biology background is strong enough that I would have picked literally any other time to purge, except for right after eating a bunch of fruit HOURS AFTER I ATE ANYTHING CALORICALLY DENSE. Like, clearly at this point she knows I have an ED so I can't pretend I'm completely healthy, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid in the slightest.

It's just not fair, she's already on this whole thing of making me take pictures of myself eating stuff for lunch and sending it to her (as proof that I really ate) and she's also an anti-sugar purist. The only reason I can cope with restriction is because I'm fundamentally all about CICO, whereas she believes in excessive eating of "healthy" foods exclusively. She controls everything I do, and it only makes me not want to let go of behaviours that I know are harming me, because restriction is the only thing that I feel any control over. It's also extremely hypocritical of her, because somehow despite eating 1800 calories a day (I've counted for her) she's quite underweight, while I'm regularly restricting far below and am barely approaching underweight territory (I also gained back this weekend, because I seem to love ending my meltdowns with a solid five days of binging). And yet she's trying to both prevent me from eating foods I would enjoy, and also forcing me to eat an amount that I know makes me gain weight. And it's not even objectively healthy things, it's starch. Like, I don't like bread or chips. If I'm going to waste my calorie allotment of the day on carbs I'd rather eat sugar which is more delicious, more abundant (in stuff like fruit), more versatile...

TLDR my mom thinks that I'm not only bulimic but also stupid, she's gotten even more controlling, makes me overeat but not eat any of the foods that I can actually enjoy, and I kind of forgot to mention this but now a bunch of people also think I'm disordered which makes my mother mad because it reflects badly on her I guess (not because she cares about my health, only for control reasons)

Fuck, this went in several hundred directions but I'm so frustrated and upset...

---

[Other] Hello again 💕
/u/gracefullystupid
Created: Thu Jul 12 13:38:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ycywy/hello_again/
---
Hi guys, I haven’t posted here in so so long (I said this last time before disappearing again lol) but I’m actually getting back into a restriction period and wanna start posting again to keep on this. Or maybe at least post on EDFood. I’ve been seeing this See how you eat app alot lately and downloaded it, I guess I should post my screenshots there instead, I just wanna keep track publicly of what I’m eating.
So anyway, I missed this place. I finally gathered up the courage to go into CVS a couple weeks ago to get Bronkaid and holy crap does that stuff work. I took it for a week straight, started with half a pill once a day then went to once at 10am and then again at 3pm, and on those days where it was a full pill total, once I finally forced myself to eat dinner (just some vegetables or sushi) I threw everything up. And a couple days I didn’t have anything solid, just coffee and some Halo Top. So I lost like 10 pounds that week. And then my fiancé was pretty much begging me to eat cause I was going full on psychotic, happens after I’ve been restricting without ephedrine so imagine with it lol.
Um but I don’t care at this point cause I’ve been just eating without care and no Bronkaid this past week and I’m done with that so here I go. Oh I also got a Juul. Not endorsing them but man I love that thing.

---

Gained 15 pounds and want to quite my job and isolate myself.
/u/xivivx
Created: Thu Jul 12 13:34:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ycxjo/gained_15_pounds_and_want_to_quite_my_job_and/
---
I can’t afford to do so. I’m so embarrassed to be seen in public.

---

[Help] What to eat when dizzy?
/u/mu514
Created: Thu Jul 12 13:28:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ycvit/what_to_eat_when_dizzy/
---
(Context: I'm already trying to recover, but my health is still a bit off.)

Right now, my chest is tight, breathing is a bit difficult, and I'm foggy/dizzy. I ate a bit already, but the symptoms are still here.

What should I eat to combat this? Something sugary? Some carbohydrates? Protein?

---

[Intro] Hello! / Looking for a (gaming) friend
/u/starlit_skies
Created: Thu Jul 12 13:20:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yct9q/hello_looking_for_a_gaming_friend/
---
Hey y'all! I've been lurking for a bit and I figured it was time to come out of those shadows.

Two months ago I was diagnosed with anorexia, and I'm currently on the wait list for treatment. Lately everything's been quite overwhelming, and although playing games is still my go-to coping mechanism, it's made me feel very lonely. I do have a few good friends, but whenever I game with them the conversations always end up on food and other triggering shit...

I've mainly been playing League of Legends, Starbound, Stardew Valley, Terraria and osu! lately, but my Steam is full of multiplayer games that I haven't touched yet. I also have Discord, I'd be happy to talk on there or just PM on reddit.

(Sorry for the kind of desperate message ><)

---

[Rant/Rave] You know what I will not get (re: ED thinking)? The idea that my brain buys into of: "Well, I ate this food that I shouldn't have", or, "I ate so much already so might as well go all out today", or "I already ruined my day so I might as well ruin it more!".
/u/efflorescence-n
Created: Thu Jul 12 13:09:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ycpxa/you_know_what_i_will_not_get_re_ed_thinking_the/
---
I'm usually awkward at posting/get scared to so bear with me if this is not appropriate to post. BUT ANYWAY, so I'm literally at work rn (#mood) and I was doing relatively good today food-wise and then I went and ate a few small bags of popcorn from our kitchen, and I could literally hear my brain saying, although quietly, “just go eat some more snacks. it’s okay to have more today, you’ll just eat less tomorrow” (which never happens rofl). i’m just so annoyed at my brain for that dumb as heck thought-logic like?????? And I remember someone (maybe in this sub) made a great example of "If you dropped your iPhone on the ground and it cracked a bit, you wouldn't keep dropping it on the ground and making the crack worse, would you?" and it's like "well of course not!!!" but then when you relate it back to food/E.D. things, your brains like "nah your iPhone example doesn't apply to this!!! food and eating is different!!!"

This entire text post is me @-ing myself but still, I know some people here must relate? UGH sorry, I really don’t get why my brain thinks like this. I’ve been trying so hard to eat less, and I'mm slowly getting there again after a few shitty weeks, but it’s so dejecting to not eat a lot and then my brain starts to convince myself “okay just eat one snack” and after I eat that one snack or w/e, my brain is like “EAT ALL THE THINGS NOW YOU RUINED YOUR DAY SO MIGHT AS WELL!!!!”

anyway sorry this is just a massive rant that i feel is barely comprehendible (im so sorry). i need to go back and do work and not be a little piss-baby LOL

---

[Rant/Rave] Starting a new job
/u/longer_donger420
Created: Thu Jul 12 12:58:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ycmdo/starting_a_new_job/
---
So nervous, I ate some calories today and had 2 caffeinated drinks. ~350 cal
My body's been acting more faint lately, wish me luck with my training.

---

[Help] Im finding it more difficult to breathe
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Thu Jul 12 12:53:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yckpu/im_finding_it_more_difficult_to_breathe/
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Is this normal?

I constantly feel like theres a heavy weight on my chest along with a few seconds to dizziness.

Am i broken?

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Having a small freak out over traveling and meds
/u/HemophilicHamster
Created: Thu Jul 12 12:42:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ychef/having_a_small_freak_out_over_traveling_and_meds/
---
Okay so I'm traveling to an Asian country in a few days, and I just found out that my ADHD meds are highly illegal to bring. Like, "you get thrown in jail if we find even one pill" illegal. In addition to making me not act like a complete scatterbrain and spaz, these little beauties suppress my appetite enough that I don't feel the overwhelming need to purge. And now I have to travel for weeks with a person who doesn't know about my ED, without my meds. *Guys I am freaking out.* I won't be able to purge because we're in close quarters for the majority of the trip, and they're going to notice the weird-as-fuck ways I eat to avoid binging. I momentarily considered bringing them in a different med bottle, but I'm to chicken to risk the jail time and ruin my friend's trip.😓 How do you guys deal with traveling? There's no way calorie counts are going to be available, I'm thinking of picking a list of common low-cal food ahead of time so I don't risk anything. *please help*

---

[Help] Can someone remind me why I shouldn't tell my family
/u/coconutfi
Created: Thu Jul 12 12:39:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ycgdp/can_someone_remind_me_why_i_shouldnt_tell_my/
---
I don't want them to know I just feel like I don't have the energy to keep lying. But once it's out it's out. Anyone want to tell me about how they regret telling loved ones?? I would love to hear.

---

ED ruining daily tasks
/u/insomniaed
Created: Thu Jul 12 12:36:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ycfl5/ed_ruining_daily_tasks/
---
Does anyone else feel like always having to create the perfect circumstances in order to get something done? Like grocery shopping for example; when I make plans to buy stuff on a certain day but it just so happens that I feel bloated on that day, I just can't do it. There's just something holding me back because I have to first feel comfortable again before I can go grocery shopping. Or when I ate too much and feel full, I just can't bring myself to shower or do sports because in order to do that, I have the need to first feel empty again. It's weird and annoying but I just can't help it.

---

DAE enjoy watching others binge moreso than binging themselves?
/u/makingamodel
Created: Thu Jul 12 12:13:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yc851/dae_enjoy_watching_others_binge_moreso_than/
---
Idk what it is, (and I consider a binge to be like 1000+ of greasy/sugary vegan food) but watching mukbangs and crazy high caloric challenges on youtube have helped me to completely curve the urge to do so. I've been obsessed with Megan McCullom on youtube, maybe because I get sugared out pretty easily and sometimes watching the copious amounts of sugary things gives me the closest thing to a vicarious tummy ache and I somehow feel satisfied after and super content with a healthy, balanced meal.

I feel like my random urges to eat all the shit food might just be the idea of a rush of freedom and being super ----\~rebellious\~\* to my own health nut ways but I know actually doing it will lead to (stupidly) plummeting confidence, guilt, the horrible shits tbh and being lethargic so this has been nice for me and kept me from making bad decisions.

---

Hotel staff heard me purge
/u/fuckingupleftnright
Created: Thu Jul 12 12:12:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yc7rz/hotel_staff_heard_me_purge/
---
I just purged my dinner and hotel housekeeping came by around 10 minutes later to check if I was ok. I'm staying here with my parents in separate rooms and I'm over 18. I went out and said I was fine with a smile- do you think they will tell anyone (My parents) or try to charge me or something? There's no vomit anywhere or anything.

---

[Other] my mom bought me a nonstick pan
/u/geisteslos
Created: Thu Jul 12 12:02:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yc4nr/my_mom_bought_me_a_nonstick_pan/
---
this is kind of dumb, but whatever.
long time lurker, first time posting myself. I hope the formatting is okay, as I'm on mobile.

my mom vaguely knows about my eating disorder, and she knows that I'm struggling with it but working on it.
and I've been ranting about wanting to try pancakes this afternoon, because I want to challenge my fear foods.
I went on about how I would love to just bake oil free pancakes but I can't because we don't have a nonstick pan and I'm obsessively scared of oil. So when my angel of a confused / supportive mother made her way home from work, she got me a nonstick pan and pancake ingredients and holy shit I'm like close to crying because I'm so happy about it.
It's such a small gesture but shows so much understanding to me and idk it just makes me really happy and I didn't know where else to share.

---

[Other] the ed hypocrisy
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino
Created: Thu Jul 12 11:52:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yc1es/the_ed_hypocrisy/
---
even when i’m binging i will not drink any full fat/calorie beverage. (why waste calories on liquids?)

i don’t eat egg yolks. (😱 calories!)

i won’t put anything more caloric than 2% milk in my coffee. (don’t wanna get fat!)

i only chew sugar free gum and tbh side eye anyone who chews anything other than sugar free gum and on top of that, i always log the gum in MFP.
(BECAUSE 😱😱 WHAT IF MFP SAYS ITS 10KCAL INSTEAD OF 5!!!!)


but eating french fries and ice cream for lunch? totally fine, i didn’t even bat an eyelash, in fact i looked forward to eating it and only regretted it once it was in my body.

why am i like this.

---

[Rant/Rave] tfw you get offered food and say you’re not hungry
/u/orkestrels
Created: Thu Jul 12 11:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ybvwx/tfw_you_get_offered_food_and_say_youre_not_hungry/
---
and your stomach decides to rumble for two whole minutes straight 🙃🙃🙃🙃 what must she think lmfao

---

[Tip] Wanna get away w not eating cake at a party?
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Thu Jul 12 11:35:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ybvpn/wanna_get_away_w_not_eating_cake_at_a_party/
---
If you’re for some reason at a bday party and you wanna have an excuse to not eat the cake.... pretend you’re a little bit germaphobic and it grossed you out that the candles were blown out.

Like someone blows out the candles, what if they spit on it a little? What if they’re breathe infested the cake? Just present these questions to your peers and you’re good to go

Lol I’ll cry I love cake but my body fat percentage don’t love cake

---

[Discussion] B/P cal counting (sure it’s been asked before)
/u/thingsarestranger
Created: Thu Jul 12 11:30:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ybu0z/bp_cal_counting_sure_its_been_asked_before/
---
I’m positive this has been posted many times before but I’d just like to see what everyone’s opinion is, how many calories do you count when you purge? Should I just count the whole thing? The binge was 1390 (maybe 100-200 less it involved whipped cream so i just logged the whole can idk how much i rly had). I binged it across maybe 15-20 mins and purged right after. Feels like a lot came up but it’s hard to tell since it was all junk food like chips and cookies. Was doing rly well with restriction and just rly wanted to indulge. I’ll be going to the gym later to burn 1100 off but I’ve been trying to figure out if I can eat again today and how much. I try and keep my net at around 500-900 depending how tired/hungry I am.

---

Copy Room is also break room--help!
/u/travelers-unite
Created: Thu Jul 12 11:19:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ybqg1/copy_room_is_also_break_roomhelp/
---
I've been trying to net-0 for the last few days, but at my office job, the copy room is also the break room! So whenever I go in to scan/print, someone is in there cooking/eating and it's driving me crazy! I need to go in there several times per hour, and the smell alone is overwhelming.

What can I do to make this easier on myself? Should I bring safe snacks to work? Or just ride it out with gum and coffee?

---

[Rant/Rave] I gained 5 pounds and feel horrible.
/u/existentialcrisiskid
Created: Thu Jul 12 10:53:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ybhsj/i_gained_5_pounds_and_feel_horrible/
---
I was so so happy when I got to 89 pounds (I'm 5 foot)but that didn't last long. I could barely walk (which doesn't make sense to me since my bmi wasn't that low) and my mood dropped and I started binging. I'm a failure. It's been rough trying to lose weight since I'm on vacation but I'm trying.

---

[Other] I think I’ve got bulimia. This looks like it could be about anything, but it’s about bulimia. My father doesn’t know. He really liked this and requested I paint a larger version for his birthday. I’m working on it and I’m kinda terrified.
/u/psydorable
Created: Thu Jul 12 10:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ybhrn/i_think_ive_got_bulimia_this_looks_like_it_could/
---
https://i.redd.it/pjzjy8torj911.jpg

---

Low cal Lunch 160cals
/u/daphoobear
Created: Thu Jul 12 10:33:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ybblt/low_cal_lunch_160cals/
---
Starkist tuna (70) 5 ritz crackers(76) and bai water (10)

Its delicious and the tuna oaks come in different flavors all under 80 cals. Only thing to worry about is sodium levels.

---

ED Lite
/u/NathansRattail
Created: Thu Jul 12 10:24:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yb8j6/ed_lite/
---
I've never been diagnosed with an ED, but my relationship to food and body image are pretty unhealthy.

For example, I don't purge or use laxatives, but every Thursday I drink a big cup of black coffee to purposely trigger my IBS, so I can shit my guts out before my weekly weigh-in on Friday.

Totally normal, right?

---

Bf is motivating?
/u/hazyandspinning
Created: Thu Jul 12 10:24:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yb8d5/bf_is_motivating/
---
The other morning while he was still half asleep, he rolled over and grabbed my hipbone (it only protrudes when I’m laying down) and told me how much he loves hipbones.

He knows about my ED but I don’t think he was thinking about it because I’ve been “better” (restricting to 800-1000).

I haven’t weighed myself in months, but I really feel like my hipbones are starting to come out more now that he’s said that, so today is weigh in and I’m super scared but kind of excited.

Hopefully this won’t backfire.

---

[Help] Third day eating and my stomach is finally getting satisfied. What now?
/u/arteww
Created: Thu Jul 12 10:07:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yb376/third_day_eating_and_my_stomach_is_finally/
---
I had a major restricting/fasting weekend with lots of exercise. My s/o made me break it with a pizza party so now I've been eating like crazy for the past 2+ days. I haven't really tried to stop the eating because I know it's my own fault for restricting too hard (and sometimes I try to get better), but now it seems that my body has finally arrived in an equilibrium with itself.

The question is: what now? The smart option would be to continue the eating, but I think nobody here will be surprised when I say I don't really want to be smart. I think I'll try to eat a proper breakfast tomorrow (thinking overnight oats with banana) and some high protein lunch at work and then nothing for the rest of the day. Does this sound like a workable plan? I don't want to restrict too much as that only leads to binging afterwards.

My s/o is returning home tomorrow so that will be a small problem for the weekend but I try to manage. They'll probably at least try to make me eat dinner as well but maybe I can shake them off by eating a proper breakfast and then just a tiny amount at dinner.

(Yikes, first post on Reddit!)

---

[Help] How long do you guys retain water for and how the hell do you get rid of it?
/u/missdreavuss
Created: Thu Jul 12 10:07:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yb305/how_long_do_you_guys_retain_water_for_and_how_the/
---
Sooo I’ve been back from vacation for a month and a half, left at 114 and I’m stuck at 120-123. I log everything I eat super carefully including vitamin calories, and I haven’t eaten over 800 calories on any given day since I’ve been back. Even on vacation I was careful to never go over 800-1000 calories. I know there is no way that this is real weight, but I have been bloated and about .5-1 inch bigger around most spots on my body because of this.
I think this is the longest time I’ve regained water like this and I keep chugging liters of water every day and running to try and keep the bloat away, but I can’t get the scale to move at all.
Has anyone else ever held onto water weight for this long?? It’s fucking nightmarish. What do you guys do to get the water weight off? (Even laxatives aren’t doing it for me and usually they always do the trick!! Help!!)

---

[Rant/Rave] ended a 65 hour liquid fast. guilty for eating at all.
/u/bmddx
Created: Thu Jul 12 09:57:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yazww/ended_a_65_hour_liquid_fast_guilty_for_eating_at/
---
i guess i just need to air this out. i fasted for a long while, & i ended up just having some vegetables & miracle noodles last night for dinner. i know that i couldn't have gone much longer without probably losing it or growing too faint & dazed, but i'm still ridiculously disappointed in myself for breaking the fast. it was the longest i've ever gone, & now i want to double it, & it's just so frustrating.

---

[Discussion] Are there any athletes who struggle with an ED here?
/u/superficialsadness
Created: Thu Jul 12 09:44:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yavuh/are_there_any_athletes_who_struggle_with_an_ed/
---
Hi.

I’m new here, I made a throwaway so I can’t be found.

So I was wondering, are there any other athletes who struggle with an eating disorder?

I’m a swimmer. I’m going to admit, it’s hard balancing sports and an eating disorder. If I don’t eat before practice, I’ll come close to passing out in the pool, and after practice I’m a mess. Pale, shakey, dizzy. And since I live with my parents, they notice. I’ll usually have a smoothie after practice and then eat again at dinner.

I’ve never really met anyone who’s an athlete and struggles with this. So, is there any of you who are in the same boat as me? Any tips? Thank you.

---

Out of curiosity, how many of you plan your meals?
/u/shiratakisamurai
Created: Thu Jul 12 09:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yau7u/out_of_curiosity_how_many_of_you_plan_your_meals/
---
I guess there isn't really a point to this question, I was just going through EDfood when I saw some discussion on it. How many of you plan what you will eat in advance, and how detailed?

---

To purge or not to purge
/u/_redTitan
Created: Thu Jul 12 09:35:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yasyg/to_purge_or_not_to_purge/
---
As I have to stay a little longer at work tonight, I planned to let myself a little "pleasure" and have 2 croque-macdo (croque-monsieur in a MacDonald way, definitely my favourite thing ever, if think you can find it only in France) and big diet coke.

Each croque-macdo is 258 kcal, so I managed to have breakfast and lunch at approximately 500 kcal to have a 1000 kcal day. I already to planned to go home on foot to burn more calories but I am so afraid MacDonald lied about the calories and without knowing eating way more...

I can purge, but I plan to do that I'm going to buy way more stuff like cheeseburgers and ice cream. I want to binge so hard ... But I am sick of looking like a whale ...

---

When you've lost weight but you still look too far to be in a bathing suit...
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Thu Jul 12 09:19:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yao45/when_youve_lost_weight_but_you_still_look_too_far/
---
This is about me. I'm not trying to fat shame anyone. Everyone is beautiful in different shapes and sizes!

---

When you've lost weight but you still look too fat to be in a bathing suit...
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Thu Jul 12 09:17:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yanek/when_youve_lost_weight_but_you_still_look_too_fat/
---

---

I loathe the differences in lighting ...!!
/u/usernameblahhhhh
Created: Thu Jul 12 09:14:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yamnf/i_loathe_the_differences_in_lighting/
---
I hate how in some lighting I can see my entire sternum and count all the ribs in my chest, while in others I look like a perfectly normal human being.

WHich is the truth and which is a lie?!? Arrghh.

That is all.

---

Has anyone else tried Glucomannan to curb appetite?
/u/mossalto
Created: Thu Jul 12 09:11:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yallj/has_anyone_else_tried_glucomannan_to_curb_appetite/
---
I've only just come across this stuff. Apparently it expands with water in your stomach and makes you feel fuller. Has anyone tried it? Does this stuff actually work?

---

[Rant/Rave] Sooo now I feel like a scumbag :)
/u/Shibo_Kitsune
Created: Thu Jul 12 09:03:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yaja7/sooo_now_i_feel_like_a_scumbag/
---
OK so basically I've been fasting or trying to for the past 3 days but now my wife is getting suspicious :( I've never told her about any of my ED past and now I've relapsed but I told her I'm just dieting. Anyway so basically now I have to lie to her which I HATE!! we have always been so honest about everything even the small things. I've had to start leaving plates out that I've sprinkled some crumbs on or using my kid's food wrappers etc. I don't want her finding out and It's not like I can just stop :((( any advice or tips on hiding this from a spouse? Xx

---

Today I tried to share an what I felt was an educational and helpful video. What used to be a safe space for me now feels ruined. I couldn't believe how cruel some of you guys were and I'm sorry I made people feel like that reaction was what I deserved.
/u/Chunky-chunker
Created: Thu Jul 12 09:02:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yaiyd/today_i_tried_to_share_an_what_i_felt_was_an/
---
There was controversial views but I tried to be nice. I tried to simply express my views and I get downvotes and told off in such an aggressive manner. I expressed why I disagreed and instead of a continuation of the discussion downvotes.

We're all struggling here so is it that hard to be nice and simply try to correct someone if you truly believe they are misinformed. I'm so sensitive and a bit of a perfectionist so something that keeps me wide awake is feelings of disharmony and also not understanding why people think my views are wrong if the discussion stops short and I feel I've tried to express all the details..

Call me a sook, call this post attention seeking but I honestly was so hurt and I commented that the whole thing ruined my day and what response did those involved give me? Downvotes.

I don't think I ever feel like I'll be comfortable having any discussions here regarding these topics now and part of me is so humiliated I dont even know if I feel like I can be apart of this whole reddit.

You guys really were my support and I've never been able to feel comfortable discussing this and so I'm just really put down and I just hope none of you do this to anyone else here. This is supposed to be a supportive place. Please don't do these things as I'm telling you it can crush someone who's already not in a good place and that's many of us.

Sorry for my anger, in my last comment. I wanted to leave my post as I truly felt it was helpful but I'm just embarrassed so I will delete it. I feel like I'm dumb and wrong and alone in my beliefs.

---

[Rant/Rave] Just a rant (TMI)
/u/hibyelxsa
Created: Thu Jul 12 08:34:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8yaaof/just_a_rant_tmi/
---
I am so fucking anxious and when i’m anxious i shit a lot. I havent slept, ive shit 4 times since 8 (its 10:30) and im about to go get tattooed. Ughhhghhhhhhhhh

---

[Rant/Rave] Super TMI rant
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Thu Jul 12 07:47:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y9wup/super_tmi_rant/
---
I just shat a massive nine inch log after weeks of constipation, clogged the toilet and broke sweat trying to unclog it AND YET the scale hasn't moved one bit! Like cOME ON, I've just let out a third forearm. Jesus.

---

[Rant/Rave] Binged last night for the first time in a while
/u/2ndfirstday
Created: Thu Jul 12 07:36:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y9tvr/binged_last_night_for_the_first_time_in_a_while/
---
God it was not worth it. Dont know what came over me, but I just couldnt stop eating. Dont know how much I ate.

Going to come up with a restriction plan today since my Soylent comes tomorrow. Also going to the gym every day for the rest of the week to make up for it 🤧

---

[Goal] Not there yet, but were getting there
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Thu Jul 12 07:30:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y9sc7/not_there_yet_but_were_getting_there/
---
So some pretty satisfying things have happened last night.

First: My mom called me out on not eating. That's a moment I've fetishized for a VERY long time. My mom. The ED Enabling QUEEN.

Second: I love in nyc and was thrilled to find Halo Top in the CVS on my corner! I've been craving chocolate even after my period ended.

Third: One of my friends (recovering from ED) mentioned how much weight ive lost. Senpai noticed me!

---

Black Coffee Appreciation Post
/u/tone_v2
Created: Thu Jul 12 06:12:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y97wl/black_coffee_appreciation_post/
---
quick shoutout to all those black coffees out there that (usually) never fail to make me run to the bathroom; you're the real mvp

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support July 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jul 12 06:11:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y97q5/weekly_emotional_support_july_12_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jul 12 06:10:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y97eq/daily_food_diary_july_12_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 12, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

I'm freaking out..
/u/glossipgirl
Created: Thu Jul 12 06:08:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y9755/im_freaking_out/
---
So I'm going on a camp next week that involves living in a house with like 6 others. We take turns to cook, so I'm not able to always control what I eat. We have to eat certain amounts of everything so I can't skip out on carbs or anything.

We only really have time for the 2 runs a week, each fairly long for me but still - girls who've previously attended say there isn't much time to do additional exercise.

I just came back from a trip to Europe, so needless to say I've definitely gained quite a few kgs - too scared to check right now so we'll see how bad it is tomorrow. I'm kinda terrified of gaining even more at this camp - a friend of mine who went, similar in height etc. if that helps, gained 6 kg. I feel like all my work restricting before I went away is going down the drain and I feel as if I'll have an emotional breakdown if I gain any more.

Although I don't know if this is true, apparently they weigh you when you get there to make sure that nobody gets an eating disorder. On top of this, I kinda feel like my room mate is a bit suspicious of my eating habits - she's heard me talking about restricting before, and she totally disapproves.

Needed to rant but if anyone has advice that'd be great - not sure if this breaks the rules of the sub, so let me know if it does and I'll delete it :)

---

[Help] How do I get better at counting calories?
/u/flowercrowndaisies
Created: Thu Jul 12 05:33:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y8yxu/how_do_i_get_better_at_counting_calories/
---
I’m really bad at estimating amounts and I can’t really weight my food with my family around. How do I make sure I’m logging accurately? Do I just guesstimate for now or is there anything else I could do? It makes me really anxious that I don’t know if I’m over or under eating.

---

[Rant/Rave] God damn rice cakes
/u/daintydaisydoll
Created: Thu Jul 12 05:17:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y8v7y/god_damn_rice_cakes/
---
When will I remember that I will always binge rice cakes. Sure it's a less than 500cal binge, but I just can't stop. Rice cakes should be a safe food. Oh well 😔

---

[Rant/Rave] I’m feeling jealous and insecure about weight loss abilities
/u/MySecretKittyCat
Created: Thu Jul 12 04:31:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y8kfy/im_feeling_jealous_and_insecure_about_weight_loss/
---
The other day my boyfriend told me his ex girlfriend, who he has a lot of history with and who she and I have been in competition with for the last decade, had an eating disorder.

At first it made a lot of sense, she used to comment on my weight a lot to him. Pull up my profile pictures and point out everything that was wrong with my appearance, especially how fat I was. I think this was her insecurity about her own weight showing, in hindsight.

I felt really bad and heartbroken for her that she had this at first... but then I started feeling weird. I am an extreme yoyo’er and I have been for the past 4 years. I’m REALLY good at losing weight, it’s probably the only impressing thing about me.

I have some issues but I don’t consider anything too serious or ED status, but I feel like that because she has one that she’s automatically better at me than losing weight, even though she’s been pretty much the same (slim) size in the years I’ve known her, and I find that unbearably frustrating.

I feel like my whole life she has been better than me in every regard, and I really struggle with that. I think even if we had never been involved with the same guy, I’d feel the same way about her.

I’ve lost my appetite and haven’t eaten much since this, and I’ve been weighing myself everyday, sometimes twice. I want to be smaller than her, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want to let bad habits get out of control, but I can’t help myself.

It’s so petty and stupid. I hope this is ok to post.

---

God I hate Summer
/u/mipiacelapizza
Created: Thu Jul 12 04:26:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y8jen/god_i_hate_summer/
---
I hate Summer so much.
Because in the rest of the year I go to school, do my homework, hang out with my friends, so I almost don't even think about food. But in summer I'm always home doing nothing, so I eat to pass the time, and because of that in EVERY SUMMER I get stuck in a binge cycle.
Binge, restrict, normal, repeat. It's so frustrating. I do my homework for September but I don't have any pressure to finish them so I give up and eat. I can't hang out with my friends because they're all gone to some fancy place. I could walk my dog (if I fricking had one)
What do I do. I don't know.

---

[Discussion] Do you guys eat oats?? I’m trying to get over my FEAR of them
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Thu Jul 12 04:06:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y8f36/do_you_guys_eat_oats_im_trying_to_get_over_my/
---
Hi everyone. I restrict to about 800 cals a day, but mostly avoid carbs. I’d like to start adding oats into my calorie allowance but am worried that as they are carbs they will make me gain. Can any regular eaters of oats share with me how much you eat and if you still lose while eating them. Much love 💕

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[Discussion] DAE hate being in ketosis?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Thu Jul 12 03:14:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y8579/dae_hate_being_in_ketosis/
---
Whenever I restrict low (<500), I tend to get into ketosis really fast. I hate it, it gives me insomnia and I. can't. stand. the. bad. breath. Yes, the reduced appetite is great, but I prefer not feeling like death and it's unsustainable for me anyways as I sometimes like to eat out or have more fruits in summer etc.

But I can't seem to stay out of ketosis without upping my calories so much! :( Usually, I have two meals a day, and I need to have at least a little protein somewhere. Last night, I was up all night with my heart racing, so I decided to increase my carbs today. Halved my usual chicken breast for lunch and added more melon, had a little sweet potato, will have more sweet potato at dinner and I'm already over the calories that I had planned for today :( But that still brings me to only 50g carbs.

Does anyone have an idea what to do? Maybe some food that is very low calorie but very high in carbs?
If I have an 'higher' carb day every few days that should keep me out of ketosis so I'd be okay to only do that sometimes, but I'm out of ideas :/

---

Very lengthy but it's why I always recommend Keto diets :) if anyone is stuck on weight loss etc I really encourage this to be watched super educational
/u/Chunky-chunker
Created: Thu Jul 12 02:56:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y825y/very_lengthy_but_its_why_i_always_recommend_keto/
---
https://youtu.be/jXXGxoNFag4

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[Rant/Rave] I didn’t eat all day and spent $30 on a dinner pizza only for my friends to eat 5/8 slices
/u/kangieroo
Created: Thu Jul 12 02:45:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y80fn/i_didnt_eat_all_day_and_spent_30_on_a_dinner/
---
First of all, I hadn’t eaten all day and was looking forward to this pizza. Second of all, I thought my group was splitting the cost, but I ended up paying for all of it, and no one thanked me! Also, one guy who I didn’t say could eat my pizza took two slices and was about to take another, so I ate the last slice out of spite. The worst part is I was already full by two slices, but I couldn’t bear to see him enjoy that slice. Now I just feel gross and frustrated and I can’t sleep. I had planned for the pizza in the morning so I didn’t eat at all, but now I’m $30 out for three slices.... and I feel terrible about every part of that sentence. I tried telling my friend back home about this, but she didn’t understand, and this is my first post so I hope this rant is okay here!

---

[Rant/Rave] Sometimes, I feel like I am literally insane.
/u/gingerfriedrice
Created: Thu Jul 12 02:19:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y7w7q/sometimes_i_feel_like_i_am_literally_insane/
---
I was chopping up my usual protein bar in the break room at work. My goal? To try and turn a 200 cal bar into an 80 cal tidbit. All because I had no self control and ate a Krispy Kreme original glazed donut. (190 calories) God. It wasn't even worth it. I mean, yeah, the mouthful was amazing but the sugar made me feel utterly sick. I shouldn't have even bothered with the damn protein bar because I nearly threw it up, but my stupid little brain just couldn't handle my macro pie chart on MFP to have so much red in it.

I as I stood over the trash can in the break room, trying to not vom... I felt like I was going into dissociation. "God this woman isnane. Stressing out over a gd donut." All this stress over a stupid donut. A stupid donut that I didn't even enjoy and it made my stomach hurt.

God. Why I am like this? Why can't I just have a normal relationship with food. Just eat normal portions like a normal person. Not violently oscillating between "I will eat every single donut in the world" and "I went 2 calories over budget, I hate myself. Everything is ruined. I will be obese forever."

I wish I never ate that donut. There are 5 more and I cannot wait for the next shift to get here so they can eat it and my binge brain will leave me alone. Yes. Even though I feel sick from the first donut, my binge brain wants more. Because the texture was so heavenly.

Why. Am. I. Like. This.

---

Self-sabotage?
/u/friedghosts
Created: Thu Jul 12 02:19:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y7w3j/selfsabotage/
---
https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/cruel-unusual-punishment/weight-loss/viewer?title_no=59256&episode_no=69

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I think I developed Binge Eating Disorder...
/u/burningthroughtime
Created: Thu Jul 12 02:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y7tns/i_think_i_developed_binge_eating_disorder/
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It's quite hard for me to write this, but here goes nothing. I developed an eating disorder, that turned out to be anorexia, in 2009. I think I was the purge anorexia type. As I would purge anything I ate. I had nothing in my stomach 90% of the time. Then, due to some fucked up relationships, I started to drink alcohol daily and in huge quantities. I would often black-out. But that is a story for another time. Then I started to eat and I ate more than I could purge and that happened between 2015-2017. At my lowest I had 42kg (167cm) and then in 2016 I had 54kg and in 2017 I had 51kg. In 2017 I went to a psychiatrist as I had suicidal thoughts. I was diagnosed with major depressive episode, anxiety and BPD. She put me on an antidepressant and an anti psychotic. I started to slowly feel better, but the pills made me want to eat all the time. Then I started binging and purging. But again, I ate more than I could purge. In a year I went from 51kg to 71kg. I am now again depressed and the only thing that keeps me sane is getting high. I realise I can't cope alone and I will ask for help from my psychiatrist to recommend me a psychotherapist specialised in eating disorders. BED is fucking up my life. I hate it and I want it gone. I want to ask you guys if you know of any online resources to help me with Binge Eating Disorder. Reading material, online support communities, android apps, online counseling. I would really appreciate it. PM anytime if you wish to talk about anything. I am here. Thank you for reading.

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Bulimics! What's your rate of purging?
/u/shrink-me
Created: Thu Jul 12 01:50:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y7r7m/bulimics_whats_your_rate_of_purging/
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How frequently do you purge?

I usually have 1-2 weeks b/p free, and then 2-4 weeks of purging at least once a day. Usually gets up to 2x/day, and my worst is 3x/day.

Just trying to feel less alone, I never know if anyone on here is as fucked up as me or not. For reference, my last two days have been 3x/day, but almost 4x :(

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[Help] We're going to Cheesecake Factory next week. Somebody PLEASE help me!
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Thu Jul 12 01:36:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y7orm/were_going_to_cheesecake_factory_next_week/
---
https://www.thecheesecakefactory.com/menu/

there's the menu.

Now, should be pretty simple, order from the Skinnylicious menu, right? Nope.. My parents would never let that fly. "We're at *Cheesecake Factory*, and you're gonna *save calories*/*have a salad*? Just skip dinner."

I mean, I already skip dinner but still. So I've got to find something that isn't a salad *or* from the "healthy" menu.


I want to kms ughhh

---

Anyone who high restricts feel like they're eating too much?
/u/morco99
Created: Thu Jul 12 00:52:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y7g7f/anyone_who_high_restricts_feel_like_theyre_eating/
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I just got back into a restricting style after being "recovered" and maintaining or binging for a few months. Last week I was eating between 900 and 1200 (rarely), and I was fine with that. This week I've made 900 a strict max and yesterday I almost cried because I had chest pains and was worried so I ate a bit over 900. Tonight I almost ended at 780, but had a 70 calorie yogurt and now I feel horrible about it. I don't feel like binging at all anymore and I've had such ease restricting which I'm grateful for, but feeling full or eating anywhere near 1000 calories makes me feel like I'm being a gluttonous pig. It's ridiculous because most people eat twice as much, but I still feel like I eat way more than most people.

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[Rant/Rave] tasted real coke for the first time in a year
/u/smolbeanbaby
Created: Thu Jul 12 00:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y782l/tasted_real_coke_for_the_first_time_in_a_year/
---
i had the greatest day tbh. dog-friend who has been previously mentioned took me to the movies after work because i was a mess(boss got pissed at me for every little thing). he only had real coke so i snuck 2 of those in and drank one in the movie. i spent like an hour drinking a single can because of how amazing and weird it tasted. like, it coated my throat in a weird way but omg it tasted so good.

we also bought ice cream and doritos and i ate doritos without panicking and overall i feel very great about myself. we’ll see how it is in the morning but i’m fairly happy at the moment.

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Going swimming with my friend's family. Hard restriction is a go
/u/JayLenoBlows
Created: Thu Jul 12 00:02:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y76jr/going_swimming_with_my_friends_family_hard/
---
Dunno what I'm gonna do with my *ahem* extensive self harm scars, but I'm gonna fucking go and I'm gonna be proud. I refuse to let my anxiety cripple my social life any further.

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can she shut up?
/u/sepibad
Created: Wed Jul 11 23:58:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y75r9/can_she_shut_up/
---
my grandmother keeps asking me why i drink so much water... she has asked me this 4 times in the past 2 days

she also keeps commenting on my eating habits, or rather, lack of. ^water fasting is life

let me live! water isn't even bad for you, so why does she feel the need to comment on it as if it's a bad thing? and i'm not even skinny yet, i'm just "average" sized so i don't understand why she's so worried...

ugh continue eating your heavily salted/deep fried food while wondering why you're diabetic and leave me aloooneeee

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GOT GASTRO -tmi #sorrynotsorry
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Wed Jul 11 23:52:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y74mq/got_gastro_tmi_sorrynotsorry/
---
Guys I was empty by the time gastro was done with me. I...expelled 900 calories I had eaten and then didn't eat anything until the next day when I weighed myself.

IMAGINE MY RAGE WHEN I HADN'T LOST ANY WEIGHT. When a night of violent vomiting and everything else left me at the same weight as before I started. What is this witchery? Am I cursed?

So, because gastro, I haven't had an appetite for a few days. Of course even after barely eating (and that's a lot coming from me) imagine my amazement when I still didn't lose weight. What does a girl has to do to move a kilogram 😭😭

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[Intro] Feel like I'm losing control
/u/last_wills
Created: Wed Jul 11 23:44:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y7331/feel_like_im_losing_control/
---
I guess this is kind of a reintroduction post. I've been lurking here forever and have posted with another account but people know about that one now and I'm supposed to be recovering. I didn't plan to post again but I had a really weird day/week and I feel the need to vent to some internet strangers.

I've been relapsing hard for a couple months now, and I've been heavy restricting basically continuously for about 3 and a half weeks (300-500 kcal/day). I'm eating even lower than I planned but I'm still convinced the scale is lying about my weight because I can't see any difference at all. I've been fucking with restriction for almost a year now doing an entire insincere recovery/slow relapse/sincere recovery/sudden relapse cycle and losing up until now less than 10 pounds and juggling the rest, but I somehow convinced myself that if I actually became underweight I'd be able to legitimate my issues, feel ok about myself, and maintain from there or even gain in order to be safe and recovered for the start of school in September. Heh.

This week I've kind of realized that my appearance is not changing nearly the way I thought it would. I really wanted to be androgynous, and I thought, "oh I don't want to be /that/ underweight, like just a little ribs showing... and maybe a concave stomach... but not anything EXTREME right" but it turns out I'm pretty near 'underweight' and my legs look like chicken drumsticks. The scale says I'm thinner, and all my jeans are loose and also I can wear a pair of my little sister's size 14 jeans comfortably but that clearly means nothing because the mirror says I'm a disgusting landwhale. I know I'll never be satisfied with how I look, especially with shitty gender dysphoria complicating everything, but I expected to see something and I don't.

I'm having trouble staying committed. Logically of course I should stop now (or, if it was that easy, should stop now...) but logic doesn't matter. I'm having more and more thoughts like "wouldn't it be so easy to just... have a bowl of cereal? It'd put me over my calories for the day but it would be so normal and it looks so good..." I'm also spiraling hard, feeling super depressed, and my ED is my only Summer plan, which is honestly the only thing allowing me to keep going. At least, I hope I wouldn't be able to do this during school, because I'm still waiting on my 'restriction high' and I'm constantly exhausted and distant. That's this week and I've just started going over my calories. Today it feels like it's starting to come to a head. I had to get up before 11 which makes waiting until dinner to eat so much harder and I felt like I was going to cry all day- almost did a couple of times. I felt like I was about to break down or shatter into a billion pieces. No one knows I'm restricting, and I felt so lonely but I realized that wanting to tell people was really wanting to shatter on them and make them fix me. I've already hurt my friends with my ED because my parents don't give a fuck about me and I'm not going to hurt people more. So you all internet strangers get to read my rant instead :)

I'm probably a bad person for being glad that you all can most likely relate. I was really wondering if anyone else has this idea that they'll just recover easily and cleanly? I really don't have the money or caring family for inpatient, but even if I did I feel like on some level it /should/ be so easy to just eat because that's all I fantasize about doing all day and I know a lot about nutrition and cooking- I've been making breakfast and lunch for my younger sister whenever I can because our mom sure isn't. And sure, my stomach now hurts on like 800 calories and all I've eaten today is 6 raspberries, water, coffee, diet soda, and 10 mini pickles (yes in that order), but really that's my choice and I can just stop? Right? After losing 30 pounds? Only reason I'm not stopping right now is because I'm not at my goal weight, clearly. Plus, you know, a few extra pounds just in case.

Good luck with all your messed up lives.

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Clothes shopping...
/u/antediluvian5
Created: Wed Jul 11 23:39:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y7225/clothes_shopping/
---
The first time I went clothes shopping after a significant weight loss was so satisfying. I knew I had gotten smaller but I hadn’t expected to be so many sizes smaller. I went from wearing a size 8 (sometimes even a 10) to fitting into 2’s and 4’s. I felt so much more confident trying on clothes. Like I didn’t feel so obese anymore and I was finally “allowed” to pick garments that clung to my body or showed some skin.
Then as the ED progressed and I got even smaller, shopping for clothes became frustrating. I started being able to wear 0’s and even some 00’s. You’d think I would celebrate this, but it confused me because I still perceived myself as so fat.
In some stores, everything I tried on was too big. Once I asked for a smaller size in something and a well-meaning retail employee said, “You look like you need an XXS. We don’t have it in the store right now but we can order it online.” I thought she must be lying to be nice because, in my eyes, I’m still a whale.
I always need to select garments that make me look as small as possible. I can’t wear dresses that do not have defined waists, or any top that is too loose, because I feel I look “pregnant” in looser garments.
Despite knowing that women’s clothing sizes are pretty arbitrary, I will never even consider trying anything on that is bigger than a small. I know this is ugly of me, but when I see sizes medium and up, I think, “I can’t wear fat people clothes.”
And even though I have accomplished my goal of fitting into small sizes, I just keep feeling fatter and fatter. Every time I go into a fitting room and look at myself in the mirror under that unflattering lighting, all I see is someone who is still chubby. Even though I have lost about 35 pounds (a LOT for my height), I still perceive myself as the same fat girl from before. It triggers me instantly every time and makes me not want to eat for the rest of the day. (And of course, I NEVER eat before going clothes shopping. It must be done on an empty stomach.) I wish I could look at myself and see something other than flaws.
Can anyone relate to any of this? I don’t know anyone with an ED in real life and I just feel legitimately insane and all alone in my thinking...

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Share your safe food/recipes!
/u/li_hu_sh
Created: Wed Jul 11 23:31:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y70ip/share_your_safe_foodrecipes/
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Basically, what the title says!

(I'll start off) [https://imgur.com/a/axRuWlQ]
(It's below 150 calories!)
-0.5 cup of pineapple chunks (41)
-3 egg white omlette (51)
-2 cups of spring mix greens (20)
-Feta cheese 1.25 tablespoons (28)

---

Quick question
/u/Saywhat50
Created: Wed Jul 11 23:23:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y6z23/quick_question/
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Alright before you guys yell at me, I first thought this was for erectile dysfunction ED, I was like alright cool. But learned something different. Either way keep up the good work ya’ll

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[Tip] Allow me to blow your mind. 2 minute, oil free, kale chips.
/u/AnAccidentSince1997
Created: Wed Jul 11 23:14:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y6x3s/allow_me_to_blow_your_mind_2_minute_oil_free_kale/
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Seriously this is incredible. Rip some kale (no stem) into chip size pieces, salt to taste, and microwave for 1.5-2.5 minutes, checking every 30 seconds for preferred crunch.

That's it. They are absolutely perfect for salsa oh my god this is great :D

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Feeling pretty low tonight
/u/Throw068472929485829
Created: Wed Jul 11 22:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y6q04/feeling_pretty_low_tonight/
---
Hi, long time lurker, first time poster.

I hate myself and how I look and how I can go a day without eating and lose two pounds then ruin it. I genuinely think the world would be better if there were less of me around- physically, my personality, my thoughts, ect.

I have a job I suck at. I have horrible anxiety about all of my dreams. I live with my boyfriend and I annoy him on a daily basis because even though I try so hard and I know he loves me and tries to be patient, I’m really bad at cleaning and staying organized whereas he is a neat freak and I annoy him on a daily basis by leaving stuff messy even though I don’t even notice until he points it out.

I feel like I’m spiraling and I have no one to talk to about it. Especially about the issues with food. A few months ago, my boyfriend and I had a talk about eating healthier together. I knew I had gained weight and he did too and I knew realistically it would be healthier for both of us to eat better, but it still stung that he brought up the topic.

We have both been sticking to diets. I think his is like 1700 a day as a slightly shorter than average male and mine was 1200 a day since I am a short female. Recently, it’s been lowered to 800 on Monday- Thursday and up to 1200 Friday-Sunday because I swear I can’t lose weight any other way. Tonight I had two drinks at dinner with friends and it boosted me up to 1156 and I fell like I can feel the fat forming on me and I hate it. I’ve never had issues with food before but I feel like all of my anxious energy is being poured into dieting. I even avoid hanging out with friends when I know it’ll involve going to restaurants because I have no self control at restaurants. My boyfriend doesn’t know. He praises me every day for sticking to my 1200 a day and exercising and losing weight. I’m 5’2 and my start weight was 137 about two months ago and it’s 123 now. My original goal weight was to get to 118 and then stop and go on maintinenance and working out but I don’t even know how much I’ll have to lose to feel like not so much of a fat loser.

I want to quit my job, move out, never talk to anyone again so I can just starve and cut myself until I eventually rot. I hate myself.

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Lunch for tomorrow! Only 185 calories for all of this sushi 😆
/u/fortunefeaster
Created: Wed Jul 11 22:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y6prq/lunch_for_tomorrow_only_185_calories_for_all_of/
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http://imgur.com/gallery/d1GfJTL

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I'm becoming more and more apathetic towards food and it is concerning me. Have any of you felt this way?
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Wed Jul 11 22:02:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y6hda/im_becoming_more_and_more_apathetic_towards_food/
---
I used to eat to take away the pain and sadness for 30 minutes. It was truly an escape. I just looked forward to my next meal to have a little bit of a break from feeling awful.

Now that I've been in "restrict" mode recently, every day that goes by I care less about food (and everything in general I guess). I don't really care about calories. I stick around 600 because that's just what I'm doing for now. There's not really emotion attached anymore (at least for now). I don't really enjoy eating and when I'm eating the sadness is still there. It doesn't help anymore like it did in the beginning. This worries me...the one thing that truly helped take away the pain is dulling.

Honestly I think I just want to stay alive to just see what I look like at my UGW. Like curiosity at this point. That's it. I haven't even been daydreaming about it lately like I used to a few weeks ago. Everything feels different. I was excited a few weeks ago about my progress etc. Now it's all so mechanical. Enter calories for the day. Eat enough to stay somewhat healthy. Weigh once a week and record it. Repeat. It's very unsettling:( does anyone relate?

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Oof keto flu no feel good
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Wed Jul 11 22:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y6h5n/oof_keto_flu_no_feel_good/
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Well I’m fasting not doing a keto diet but fasting will put me in ketosis and it does not feel good right now. I’m a little dizzy, have a small headache and my legs are sore. Apparently salt helps but it’s midnight and I’m not about to drink salt water right now. But I’m happy that my body is starting to burn fat. I’ve already lost 1.5lbs from morning to night so I’m looking forward to my weigh-in in the morning. No signs of stopping!

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What do you do to keep occupied when avoiding eating?
/u/FAYGOLMAO
Created: Wed Jul 11 21:40:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y6cb8/what_do_you_do_to_keep_occupied_when_avoiding/
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Personally ive been browsing here a lot, been on tumblr, and have started to draw my feelings of struggling with eating and not eating.

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How does a single binge restore a week’s worth of weight loss time and time again?
/u/Ekawa
Created: Wed Jul 11 21:33:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y6amb/how_does_a_single_binge_restore_a_weeks_worth_of/
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I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. But then again, I do. Most days I restrict at 300-400 cals, but one SINGLE binge where I can’t purge anything but mostly water and my week’s worth of weight loss is completely gone. It’s just this repetitive cycle. Never losing weight. How can just one binge ruin a week’s worth of restriction over and over again, every week? I mean I know some is water/food weight but if that’s the case then why am I not steadily losing weight after weeks where there’s only a few slip-ups where many calories are absorbed? Because I’ll lose 4 lb, binge, gain it back, restrict and lose it, (what is supposedly water/food weight) but a binge again will send me straight back so I guess there is no fat loss at all

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How does a single binge cancel out a week’s wort
/u/Ekawa
Created: Wed Jul 11 21:32:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y6aak/how_does_a_single_binge_cancel_out_a_weeks_wort/
---
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. But then again, I do. Most days I restrict at 300-400 cals, but one SINGLE binge where I can’t purge anything but mostly water and my week’s worth of weight loss is completely gone. It’s just this repetitive cycle. Never losing weight. How can just one binge ruin a week’s worth of restriction over and over again, every week? I mean I know some is water/food weight but if that’s the case then why am I not steadily losing weight after weeks where there’s only a few slip-ups where many calories are absorbed? Because I’ll lose 4 lb, binge, gain it back, restrict and lose it, (what is supposedly water/food weight) but a binge again will send me straight back so I guess there is no fat loss at all

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[Help] paranoid about Garmin TDEE?
/u/soliitude
Created: Wed Jul 11 21:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y69yo/paranoid_about_garmin_tdee/
---
long time lurker/occasional commenter, first time poster.

so I've had a Fitbit Charge 2 for the past almost two years. my main reasons were to track my heart condition and to help me get a better idea of my steps and calories burned.

all in all, I loved that damn thing. my main issues were 1) it's not waterproof, 2) it stopped counting all my steps, and 3) the HR monitor never accurately measured how high my HR would get. so I decided especially since I'm starting aquatherapy, that I'd get a new, waterproof device.

I ordered a secondhand Garmin Forerunner 235 and I'm in love with it. although I'm very concerned about the accuracy of the HR sensor and therefore the device's calculated TDEE. it's not all too rare for my HR to reach the 160s-180s, but my Fitbit hardly ever picked up on it. the past two days, with only average effort, my FR is reading in the 170s when I feel it should be lower. I don't know if this is because my Fitbit never recorded my high readings and I'm not used to it or if my Garmin is recording too high of readings (or both lol).

whereas my TDEE with my Fitbit was only ~1600 on active days, the past two days my Garmin has me having burned over 2100 calories. this just doesn't seem likely to me.

is there a specific percentage you guys take off of your calories burned from fitness trackers? or is there any way to get a more accurate sense of how much I'm actually burning? I'm terrified to eat back any of my exercise calories now because I feel my TDEE is such a gross overestimation and I don't want to gain because of it.

---

[Tip] Favorite low-cal/ substitutes?
/u/KrustyKup
Created: Wed Jul 11 21:24:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y68ez/favorite_lowcal_substitutes/
---
Let’s hear your favorite tips/tricks that your used to make your favorite dishes/drinks low-cal!

I tend to crave pizza a lot for some reason so to satisfy myself and avoid binging I use a whole wheat tortilla (110 cal) and regular pizza toppings. It’s so yummy and takes my pizza craving away without going over my daily budget!

I love spicy food so I started buying habanero salsa so I will get about 5 tortilla chips in before I have to stop bc it’s so spicy. Cures the craving and stops me from over eating!

---

Kati Morton mentions the misdiagnosing of autistic women as having EDs... curious what people think
/u/NotDido
Created: Wed Jul 11 21:20:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y67mg/kati_morton_mentions_the_misdiagnosing_of/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpJ6bJHEc-k

---

I keep getting worse..
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Wed Jul 11 21:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y66ln/i_keep_getting_worse/
---
I’m sure if you’ve read through my past posts you’ll see where I explain my progression within this disorder. Started out with me restricting, then not wanting to eat anything, become fearful, upset, and now I get really anxious and feel like I need to throw up or will. What should I do? I need to get better for my boyfriend, but it seems like I can’t. I’m trying to so hard to tell myself that it’s okay, but it’s not.. even my boyfriend accidentally admitted that a thigh gap would be great. I’d have to be extremely underweight for that since I’m so short. I don’t know what to do.

---

[Discussion] DAE have a significant other who knows about their ED and sort of accepts it but doesn't understand it?
/u/newforvevernever
Created: Wed Jul 11 21:10:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y659d/dae_have_a_significant_other_who_knows_about/
---
For over a decade I've managed my intake with c&s. It wasn't always that, but as I found myself unable to purge, unable to stray from what was for me, considered binging, needing some food-related routine while restricting, and experiencing physical problems from laxatives, it became the ideal solution, if not admittedly disgusting, messy, and more visible.

And then we moved into together.

He's a really nice person when it comes down to it. He's simpler than I am, happier than I am, and it works.

When you're with someone, it's hard to hide stuff. I have my methods with it, and he already knew I had unconventional eating habits (hi, bulk seaweed, plant-based consumption, and 'ramen packet soup.') It began when he started noticing food gone that I didn't usually eat.
Then, we would watch TV, and I wouldn't be able to help myself, especially after an uber stressful day at work, or a particularly bad depressive day. I have my methods, and I would sort of hide it. I don't remember exactly when he discovered what was up. But I remember excusing it as stress relief, saying, 'At least I'm still eating,' which is true when I'm not restricting.
Now, he'll tease me about it. 'Oh, you've got your cup out...' And I know he does it to sort of normalize it, but also 'call it out' to make me face myself. But I can't joke back. It's not a joke. It's a problem. But I know it's his own way of trying to deal with my habit.
It also sucks because it used to be my secret, but now it's this thing I have to share with someone else. I sometimes wish they weren't around all of the time so I could just... wallow in my awful habit.

---

[Other] Oddly happy/proud of myself
/u/sylas69
Created: Wed Jul 11 20:31:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5vsy/oddly_happyproud_of_myself/
---
I feel really good right now. I fasted for 26 entire hours (granted, a lot of that was from me being asleep) and only ate 130 calories (probably less since I overestimated!) I’m just super happy about it and how much willpower I managed to have today. I know I shouldn’t romanticize my disorder, and I hope I don’t sound like I am, but... I just have this odd pride of “wow, I did that! I’m losing weight and practicing self-discipline!”

---

I don't want to purge on my birthday again
/u/dorisholliday
Created: Wed Jul 11 20:29:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5va4/i_dont_want_to_purge_on_my_birthday_again/
---
My birthday is coming up and I can go where ever I want for dinner! This is exciting for me because, despite having an eating disorder, I am such a foodie. I purge almost everything I eat and on most days keep my calories under 900, but I love trying new restaurants/foods when I go out (rarely) When I know I'm going out to eat, I restrict all day or longer and usually end up purging the meal I so look forward to. And even when I do get to go out to eat, I order a meal that is "safe" even if it's not what I really, really want. Duh.

What I'm getting at is: I want to go somewhere to eat and not purge afterwards. I want this to be the first birthday in sixteen years that I don't ruin for myself. I want to eat a food I'm going to enjoy instead of getting something off the "light" menu, the lowest calorie meal available, or a frigging salad, hold the dressing, hold the cheese, etc etc.

On a somewhat separate note, does anyone else obsess over restaurant menus online? Like, obviously the calories, but also just the FOOD. I hate/love to just spend an hour perusing different restaurant menus and seeing all the food I will never be able to eat.

I'm not sure why I wrote this. I think I needed to vent, get some support, advice?, type my thoughts.

Thank you all, love you, and so grateful for this sub.

---

[Other] Anybody else feel low key better than other people for not eating a bunch of different foods?
/u/fatpiggy4957
Created: Wed Jul 11 20:27:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5uu7/anybody_else_feel_low_key_better_than_other/
---
Like I know this is a horrible thought process but when someone offers me food and I get to go "no, I don't eat meat/eggs/palm oil/chocolate/whatever" I just feel superior. Like look at my willpower. I don't need your gummy worms.

---

[Rant/Rave] I am an asshole.
/u/lilmeeble
Created: Wed Jul 11 20:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5t48/i_am_an_asshole/
---
So my two closest friends that invite me over all the time always try to feed me. For months now I’ve convinced them that I’m a vegan so I don’t seem rude always refusing their food.

Today they invited me over and when I was there, they said we were going to barbecue. I didn’t think much of it and thought I would be able to get away without eating until they brought out vegan ribs and brats..

I felt so guilty, so I ate them, but now all I can think about is how full my stomach feels and how much food I just ate. I feel like such an ass.

My friends went out of their way to accommodate me, and while I’m so beyond grateful, all I can think about is the calories.

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't want to break this binge-free period but I'm about to lose it.
/u/anonymous_porpoise
Created: Wed Jul 11 20:15:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5rzw/i_dont_want_to_break_this_bingefree_period_but_im/
---
So, I've been binge free for a week and I'm actually trying to not restrict but to get back up to 1200 calories a day without feeling like I'm overeating but I ate 1248 calories today and I'm like kinda triggered right now because of that but more so because I was talking to my boyfriend and my plan to eat 1200 calories a day for healthy weight loss and he sounded absolutely disgusted with me. I know he wasn't, but his initial reaction was "do what you think is best" and my fucked up brain heard that as "of course you're too weak to starve yourself, you fat piece of shit". I just feel so ugly and gross and I was feeling so confident in my decision to try to do 1200 a day like a normal person. I really want to just eat everything I bought today at the grocery store today, but this is the longest I've been clean in months. I regret ever bringing up weight loss to him because now everytime I do anything, I just feel disgusting and fat and ugly. The fucked up part of my brain is just telling me to gain the thirty pounds I lost back so I'll be even fatter and uglier and he can leave me without feeling guilty for someone skinnier and prettier than me. I'm so sorry I have to rant like this; I just really dont want to binge right now. I'm hiding in my room from the food so I dont get tempted.

---

[Rant/Rave] I fasted for two days to have dinner with my friends...
/u/diabloglobelily
Created: Wed Jul 11 19:55:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5mwu/i_fasted_for_two_days_to_have_dinner_with_my/
---
and THEYRE 30+ MINUTES LATE. They don’t know too much about my ED but i feel like I’m dying why would they do this to me

---

[Help] C/Sing discretely in public?
/u/sylas69
Created: Wed Jul 11 19:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5lnu/csing_discretely_in_public/
---
So I c/s a lot of my food but I was in public with friends and the techniques I used were a little noticeable.

I was eating pieces of bread and at first I chewed a piece for a long time till it was liquid then pretended like I was wiping my mouth with napkin, spitting it into the napkin and balling it up. Well that didn’t work very well, because it started leaking and i had to hide it under the table and wrap it in another napkin, plus it was a little noticeable.

Then I would chew bread and pretend to go refill my water (was at a restaurant with tiny styrofoam cups of water), then spit it in the trash can next to the soda fountain. I did this a few times and it worked because the water cup was small and would need a lot of refills. I’m wondering if you guys have anymore tips for me that would be more discrete? Thanks!

---

why do I do this to myself I just cried
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Wed Jul 11 19:47:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5kyb/why_do_i_do_this_to_myself_i_just_cried/
---
so I go for a run after eating dinner, get back and drink like 24 Oz water and THEN decide to weigh myself

and ofc I’m .1 lbs heavier despite restricting a lot

like I know it’s just the water weight but I hate myself

---

How’s my baby looking? jk that’s not a baby, just the effects of constipation and binge eating for 7 months... 😬
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Wed Jul 11 19:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5gw6/hows_my_baby_looking_jk_thats_not_a_baby_just_the/
---
https://i.redd.it/20eyce9a7f911.jpg

---

How’s my baby looking?
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Wed Jul 11 19:28:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5g4x/hows_my_baby_looking/
---
https://i.redd.it/gd69zqfr6f911.jpg

---

[Goal] Progress!
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Wed Jul 11 19:12:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5bxn/progress/
---
I was looking in the mirror and I pressed my knees together and there's was still a bit of a gap where my thighs weren't touching! I didn't even know that was possible, but I guess it proves that my legs are finally getting thinner! 😄

---

[Other] 80% of my gym time is spent body checking in the huge mirrors
/u/habeas-corpses
Created: Wed Jul 11 19:10:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y5bds/80_of_my_gym_time_is_spent_body_checking_in_the/
---
🙄🙄🙄🙄 I feel like people probably notice too

---

[Rant/Rave] I’m under 100!
/u/popcorn102
Created: Wed Jul 11 18:47:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y55kl/im_under_100/
---
I can’t tell anyone else this but I can’t keep it to myself either - I weighed 99 lb this morning! Granted, I’m only 5’1, so it’s mostly a symbolic victory, but for now I’ll take it.

---

[Rant/Rave] Sitting at a bar...
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Wed Jul 11 18:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y53uf/sitting_at_a_bar/
---
Across the street from the recovery center. Appointment in 20 minutes.

Trying not to choke down panic and self medicating with beer which is dumb.

Wish me luck.

---

[Rant/Rave] People not understanding..
/u/ImDestinedToDie
Created: Wed Jul 11 18:40:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y53qi/people_not_understanding/
---
I’ve tried explaining this to multiple people, and today just really was the peanut butter on the rice cake with my frustration.

I told my mom, and I told a woman who was like a second mom to me growing up. The first question they asked was which eating disorder. Bulimia. The second question was, “You throw up?” The lady who is like a second mother kept repeating it until I told her it’s personal. Then she tried telling me how she’s lost weight with some low carb high calorie diet.

I don’t know what reaction I expected, but it wasn’t that. I know that people will ask if I throw up, but it doesn’t make it any less harder when they’re so close to you and ask.

Then I confided something to my best friend about wanting to be very underweight and she told me if I want to be thin I should exercise and eat healthily. I felt a lot of conflicting things in the last hour because of these two comments. I just wish they could both better understand and not try to teach me about how to eat. Like grrr! I know how to eat, in fact, I know it too well.

---

PSA Powerade Zero is on sale at target!
/u/Poopoodemons
Created: Wed Jul 11 18:38:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y53d2/psa_powerade_zero_is_on_sale_at_target/
---
69 cents a bottle in my area

---

[Help] Poop Question!
/u/thethugwife
Created: Wed Jul 11 18:24:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4znk/poop_question/
---
Not sure if this is help-related, but...does anyone else have trouble pooping? For the past week I’ve felt very bloated, but I’m not really pooping. It’s like rabbit poops. It makes me sad. 💩😔

---

[Rant/Rave] feel so fucking fat
/u/monsterputt
Created: Wed Jul 11 18:14:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4wzu/feel_so_fucking_fat/
---
im so large, and even then my family says

"you ate all of \_\_\_\_\_, save some for your sister"

"thats a weird way to eat"

im so frustrated and uncomfortable. im just going to eat when they drop my sister off for work i guess.

---

[Rant/Rave] so the world's most embarrassing thing just happened today..
/u/emmiefawns
Created: Wed Jul 11 18:06:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4uja/so_the_worlds_most_embarrassing_thing_just/
---
it’s middle of the night there i live - while i was cooking some pasta to binge on - our fire alarm went off - i waked my whole group home plus staff and i’m so fucking embarrased now and every one hates me now but now i found a good reason to why i should stop eating💁‍♀️

---

Trying a new thing
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Wed Jul 11 17:56:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4s6p/trying_a_new_thing/
---
So I’ve told my family I want to vegetarian 3 days a week. I said it’s cause I’ve learned at lot in my nutrition classes about sustainability and quote some facts (it takes 12 pounds of grain/grass to produce one pound of beef). They loved the idea. So that makes me feel a little better that I can get away with eating mostly vege 3 times a week.

---

Eating Disorder Online Community
/u/ExcellentSector
Created: Wed Jul 11 17:54:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4rra/eating_disorder_online_community/
---
Hi Everybody,

I have grappled with the idea of posting this for a while, so I hope this is okay. I used to be very active in this community and the myproana community, but have been in recovery for a number of years.

I am currently doing a funding proposal for my university degree and often find myself talking about my past eating disorder and doing ample research surrounding this.

When I was deep within my eating disorder, I remember my family reaching out for supports within my city and barely non were available. I remember when I finally was ready for help finding treatment was impossible and the waitlists were absurd.

All this to say, I was wondering if anybody would be willing to share supports that they wish were available in their community? I am applying for hypothetical funding to fund a program that would be useful and supportive for people with eating disorders. I was thinking maybe an online support community that has social workers involved or other people who are in recovery?

Just looking for thoughts,

Thanks guys.

---

[Rant/Rave] Bad food react (sad react only)
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Wed Jul 11 17:52:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4ra1/bad_food_react_sad_react_only/
---
Hey’all so u decided being v underweight was v bad and thought I could probably do adding another 150 cal to my day. After scouring the store for 2947392874 years I found pumpkin rye bread at only 144 cal per piece.

“GREAT!!”, I thought, “I CAN SPLIT THIS IN HALF AND HAVE ONE HALF AT BREAKFAST AND THE OTHER AT LUNCH!!”

Wow, the motivation and positivity were SOARING, oozing out of my body much like fluid being pushed out of a syringe. And so yesterday I did just the thing I planned, I added those 150 calories (hated it but I did it) and today I did the same.

“Wow, Nacho”, you’re probably saying to yourself, “congrats on this achievement. I hope it went well!”. Oh but it turns more sour than lemon-soaked concentrated lemon juice in hydrochloric acid. My stomach wheezed and moaned and screeched and groaned as the bread travelled through my system causing more upset than the UK government Brexit “plans”. For the bread, supposed to be an aide in the subsiding of my death through starvation, has only lead to a state of unwell being.

I guess it’s back to no pumpkin rye bread and back down to 900 calories per day. A thrill, a joy, a tri-digit rollercoaster of antici... pation. Goodnight my fellows, pray to the master of grains that Nacho remains in a pseudo-wellness, for tomorrow is a busy day.

---

just got back from my intake appointment at an ED specialist
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Wed Jul 11 17:48:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4q65/just_got_back_from_my_intake_appointment_at_an_ed/
---
and i already got tears all over my meal plan packet lmao. every time a food exchange says **>NOT LITE, FAT FREE, OR SUGAR FREE<** i start crying again.

i dont even know if im ready to do this but too bad! im already in it i guess!!

---

[Discussion] AskProED : What ED stereotypes do you break ?
/u/datantdupaleozoique
Created: Wed Jul 11 17:43:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4oua/askproed_what_ed_stereotypes_do_you_break/
---
Curious about your answers : Is there an ED stereotype you can think of for which you don't fall in to that category / do that behaviour yourself ?

Here's my example : I eat super quickly ! Unless I am with other people, I never manage to eat slowly.

Thanks for sharing 💕

---

[Help] Help with calorie count before I panic for no reason
/u/naughtynugget
Created: Wed Jul 11 17:42:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4ogb/help_with_calorie_count_before_i_panic_for_no/
---
My mom recently got back from Germany and she brought SO MUCH CHOCOLATE- my number one weakness. I’ve been doing so good with staying below my TDEE and I had been fasting all day so I (dumbly) allowed myself a piece thinking I could fit it in. I picked the smallest possible piece. After eating, I checked the nutrition and it said 550 kcal?!?!

How is this even possible?! It was one of those tiny squares that are like 100g. Am I being dumb in that kcals are different from calories or did I really just ruin my day that much??? Please help because panicking.

---

[Help] How long do y’all go in between weighing yourself?
/u/rougoku
Created: Wed Jul 11 17:41:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4o4g/how_long_do_yall_go_in_between_weighing_yourself/
---
I’ve been super stressed the past few days and as a consequence, have been binging a lot after restricting and fasting for a week. Today, I ate a whole McDonald’s meal 😔 plus some other junk. I went up from 136.2 to 137.8 on the scale even after using the bathroom! How much of this is from what I ate?? Also, if some of it is water weight, how long should I go between eating before I weigh myself again? It makes me feel panicky to see my number go up like that.

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate that my Mom is losing weight, when I should be happy for her.
/u/lilialley
Created: Wed Jul 11 17:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4mk7/i_hate_that_my_mom_is_losing_weight_when_i_should/
---
God, I just can't help it.

My Mom has been morbidly obese ever since I was a kid. She has always been dieting, jumping from fad diet to fad diet. She's managed to lose 75 pounds, she's not obese anymore, she's getting close to my weight. She tells me proudly about how she's eaten 750 calories a day. She even takes the Bronkaid, just like me, but she's better at it.

I feel like I'm going insane. I hate it. I hate the idea of her being thinner than me, and I should be happy for her for succeeding, but instead I'm jealous and shitty. I hate that I've been bingeing and I could have been thin and pretty right now if I'd just stayed on it, but instead I'm fat and ugly and my Mom is going to be thinner and prettier than me.

I wish I could be happier for her. I try to fake it, it doesn't work, I know it sounds fake. I need to start restricting again.

---

[Help] Where did my fat go ?¿
/u/DamnPolygalaceae
Created: Wed Jul 11 17:35:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4mjh/where_did_my_fat_go/
---
I feel like I’ve been maintaining (stuck at) the same weight for over a year now. Back then I got these pair of jeans, I could get them on but JUST and they were way too tight to wear out.. could hardly even move without feeling like I would rip them! Fast forward to now, I’ve just tried them on cause I’m throwing away clothes and they fucking fit? I can actually zip them up and move around without fat spilling over the waist 😂
I’m just so confused. I haven’t grown any taller at all, I’m 18 so is it just my body maturing and putting the fat somewhere else? Or has it got something to do with gaining muscle? Even though I haven’t stepped foot in a gym.. Doesn’t make sense to me.
I feel bigger now than back then so i just really don’t understand

---

barely binged and gained! :(
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Wed Jul 11 17:34:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4mb6/barely_binged_and_gained/
---
Finally FINALLY had a slice of pizza for the first time in 11 days-I barely had ANY “bad” food in my system and the second I do BOOM I went from 140 to 145!! I know realistically it’s water weight but I’m so bummed out probably going to start a fast

---

[Discussion] OCD and Eating
/u/corgi-cake
Created: Wed Jul 11 17:14:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y4gy5/ocd_and_eating/
---
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder last week, and during my appointment my GP said some of my symptoms were also present on the “OCD spectrum.” I started paying more attention to my habits, including but not limited to food, that are impactful on my daily life, but I had never made the connection:

* I cannot eat carbs/fat/etc in the morning if they were the last macro I ate the last night

* If I eat a lot of small things (bites) during the day and don’t stick to 9-10 “main” things, I get antsy and my day feels ruined (if the list of things I took a bite out of is too complex or long)

* When LoseIt! is not at a clean, even number, I sometimes will alter calories by a few to make it a clean 0 or 5 (this is probably not that bad, but still)

* I have to alternate my macros.. I can’t eat a sandwich for one meal and then for the other. The next has to be no carbs (or a different kind of carb, like rice).

These really affect my life, with choosing restaurants, especially. How can I explain how I’m dreading the restaurant I was excited to go to all week? Because it’s a sandwich spot and I already ate bread that day?

I’m excited for treatment, but I just wanted to vent/share/inform/learn about others.

---

[Other] Im under 185 lb again! As I was an obese child, I've only been this low 2 other times: before I was obese at the age of 11, and 2.5 years ago when my ED started.
/u/AnAccidentSince1997
Created: Wed Jul 11 16:45:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y491c/im_under_185_lb_again_as_i_was_an_obese_child_ive/
---
I'm so fucking unbelievably happy. Stepped on that scale and got 183. I'm thrilled. I was 225 in December, and already in the last month I've lost 15 lb due to heavy restriction coming back. Like, seriously I can't believe it! I'm shooting for 160, which is the lowest that I've ever been as an adult 2.5 years ago when I first developed my ED. This time I'm aware that I have an ED though and know more of what I'm doing and I'm going to keep it at 160 (unless I still have a saggy belly in which case I'll go lower, but I'm hoping not to have a saggy belly).

---

Working on a calorie tracking app focused on weekly averages - what would you like to see?
/u/couldbefatter
Created: Wed Jul 11 16:41:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y47re/working_on_a_calorie_tracking_app_focused_on/
---
I found that if I go over my daily calorie limit I've set for myself, I freak out and binge because i have a very "all or nothing" approach to everything in life.

I decided to track my weekly goal instead of daily because most of the time one bad day does not ruin my entire week, but my ED lacks that perspective. I like seeing my daily average based on the past week so that one bad day doesn't lead to a longer binge. So something like this:

* MON: **450**
* TUE: **600**
* WED: **500**
* THU: **1000**
* FRI: **500**
* SAT: **3000**

It helps me to see that eating 3000 calories today still puts me at an average of 1000 for the week so far and I don't have to give up.

Or when I know I have an event to go to on the weekend and I want to budget 2000 calories for that day, I can easily calculate how much I want to eat the rest of the week to maintain a specific daily average.

I also don't really care about anything but the number of calories, so I want it to be very simple where I just type in the number of calories I ate and add it to my day, and see what it does to my daily average.

Is there anything else that you would find helpful in an app?

---

Working on a calorie tracking app focused on tracking averages - what would you like to see?
/u/couldbefatter
Created: Wed Jul 11 16:35:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y463r/working_on_a_calorie_tracking_app_focused_on/
---
I found that if I go over my daily calorie limit I've set for myself, I freak out and binge because i have a very "all or nothing" approach to everything in life.

I decided to track my weekly goal instead of daily because most of the time one bad day does not ruin my entire week, but my ED lacks that perspective. I like seeing my daily average based on the past week so that one bad day doesn't lead to a longer binge. So something like this:

* MON: **650**
* TUE: **800**
* THU: **500**
* FRI: **1200**
* SAT: **500**
* SUN: **3000**

It helps me to see that eating 3000 calories today still puts me at an average of 950 for the week and I don't have to give up.

I also don't really care about anything but the number of calories, so I want it to be very simple where I just type in the number of calories I ate and add it to my day, and see what it does to my daily average.

Is there anything else that you would find helpful in an app?

---

[Tip] I eat slower now!! (Do you want to as well?)
/u/theskinnyis
Created: Wed Jul 11 16:32:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y457v/i_eat_slower_now_do_you_want_to_as_well/
---
I started at 6:05 and I just swallowed my last bite at 6:28. I do 20 bites minimum per piece of food and drink between bites! Golly that was a good OMAD. I had tomato soup, gf pb+j bites, 30 lays poppables (sea salt), and 5 gf buffalo style nuggets for 515 calories! That's my lowest day this week and since I hardly work out, calories matter a lot. I really hope this weeks weigh in is a good one! (I do weight watchers, haha.) The PB+j bites are REALLY chewy btw. If you shop at Meijer they're in the gluten free section. Everything I eat is dairy free btw <3 I'm a lactose intolerant fairy 🌸 Oh, and if you're eating soup, I recommend using a teaspoon and getting every bite of it with that until you can't anymore! It makes it slower and you appreciate the taste a lot more. 💕🦄

---

[Discussion] DAE get triggered by anime and JRPGs?
/u/putridaffection
Created: Wed Jul 11 16:30:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y44p5/dae_get_triggered_by_anime_and_jrpgs/
---
i love them but i cannot deal with shows (looking at you k-on!) where adorable girls eat dessert every day and stay so thin. certain JRPGs were triggers as a teenager too because the characters’ weight and height would be listed and i’d feel terrible when i found out my favorite female character was my height or taller but 30 lbs lighter

---

Hanging out with a guy I like Friday...
/u/Aprikoosi_flex
Created: Wed Jul 11 16:29:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y44g4/hanging_out_with_a_guy_i_like_friday/
---
Time to work out until I can’t move, and fast for two days. I was upfront about being “recovered” and that I’m just trying to be super healthy, which is why I’m never eating at work. I haven’t been seen naked in so long, and I’m super nervous.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else pretend to eat?
/u/LittleLightFawn
Created: Wed Jul 11 16:16:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y40ui/does_anyone_else_pretend_to_eat/
---
(First post from my new account. I figured my sister knows my Reddit ID and since I've recently relapsed into my ED again I'll be posting here a lot, and I don't want her knowing.)

Anyway, so I'm just wondering for anyone else who still lives with their parents...does anyone else pretend to eat? I've become very committed to pretending I'm eating a substantial amount. I basically cook a huge amount of food for the week and then go for a walk and throw it away while I'm at work, or if I'm at home I go to the effort of putting the food in a bowl, microwaving it, leaving the dirty plate out etc (even if I'm the only person in the house)... except I don't eat it, I put it the food into a paper bag and put it in the bin down the road from my house.


Anyone else do this? I feel like it removes suspicion, then I can enjoy my actual meal in the evening when everyone is watching. Luckily my family and I don't eat together most of the time and I cook all my own food, but they still see me cooking my batch of meals for the week/eating my evening meals and this is how I get around them asking questions 🙃

---

Boyfriend got drunk and told me my ED was just a choice.
/u/ichbindertod
Created: Wed Jul 11 15:59:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y3vus/boyfriend_got_drunk_and_told_me_my_ed_was_just_a/
---
He's known about my ED pretty much from the start and he's always been so good about it. Like impossibly good, I can talk to him about anything and I've never felt any judgement there, only unconditional love and support. It's insane. However:

This past weekend we went to a party. It was a BBQ which is like my worst fucking nightmare and I did not want to go at.all. but I sucked it up and went because it was an important event for him. For his part, he knew how big a deal it was and guarded me from anyone trying to offer me food. I got through the whole thing without having to eat, it was heaven and he helped me with that. Again: I love this man.

I did however have to drink, because not eating + not drinking would have drawn attention to me, so I had 3 drinks. We got home fairly drunk. At that point I hadn't eaten in 38.5 hours so I was hungry, but I didn't know if I was allowed to eat because I couldn't be sure of the calories in the drinks. So I was trying to work out the cals and macros and he got pissed off at me and angrily told me to just fucking eat. I said I wanted to but I needed to do this first, and he said no, you don't need to. Just choose to eat. It's a fucking choice.

I was really upset and taken aback because he's never like this about my ED normally. Everyone else always says shit like that and he knows how much it gets to me. I asked him, are you saying I could really just choose to get better, easy as that?

Yes, he said. Just fucking eat, just fucking do it.

I don't even know if he remembered it the next day tbh because he kept drinking while I just left him to it. Worked out I could have a protein bar, went to bed. The next day he was back to being lovely and supportive. I didn't want to eat that day because the stress of the BBQ had worn me out emotionally, and I wasn't ready to face the extra stress of eating. He just said, 'that's ok. you had a hard day yesterday'.

Not really sure what the point of this rant is other than to help me process how betrayed and super confused I still feel. I want to let it go and mostly I have - I mean, fuck, he might not even remember saying it - but the fact is, he did. And I kind of feel now like, maybe this is how he wishes he could speak to me the entire time. Maybe every time he's been amazing and supportive about my ED, he's been keeping this inside.

I'm ill. My ED's tortured me every day for over a decade. It's not a fucking choice.

---

[Discussion] Family concerns : How do you deal with it?
/u/Laucy
Created: Wed Jul 11 15:59:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y3vqn/family_concerns_how_do_you_deal_with_it/
---
This topic was inspired (for lack of a better word) from both of my parents and how they’ve been worrying about the state of my health and weight.
They are not aware of my ED, and impulsively (regrettably..), I try to shake my head and give an explanation for why there’s no need for the stress. It’s been nearly everyday now, even though I’ve struggled for years. However, my weight is indeed at its lowest.

Just this morning, yet again, she glanced at me and immediately frowned, saying things about how my dark circles have gotten more prominent (to which I brushed off and said I haven’t been getting enough sleep because of my studies and she knows this), but areas on my face as well, such as hallowed cheeks. She even went as far to say that she might just consider I get put in a facility and stay inpatient. Whether this was a “said-out-of-stress” threat, or her being serious, I’m not sure.
What I am sure about, is that I feel incredibly guilty.. I don’t want this, and I try my best to put in effort to eat when around them so that they can see it, but I never would’ve imagined just how much it eats away at me. I know it’s not a choice, but I fear that it can be considered selfish (in my case, not general).

..So, my question, what are your experiences with family members commenting on things like this, and how do you feel about it / what do you do?

---

[Help] quick question for you peeps
/u/freakytreesprite
Created: Wed Jul 11 15:45:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y3rt0/quick_question_for_you_peeps/
---
Am I not anorexic because of my current weight?

I fit into all the categories, except the abnormally low weight, since I've relapsed in the last month after regaining 60 pounds.

---

Where are you guys/girls from?
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Wed Jul 11 15:24:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y3llr/where_are_you_guysgirls_from/
---
I'm from Belgium

---

[Discussion] I wonder what it’s like to be thinspo
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Wed Jul 11 15:09:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y3h3v/i_wonder_what_its_like_to_be_thinspo/
---
I’m 65” 116 lbs (fucking refeeding, I’m gonna lose it again). At my lowest I was 110. So not small. I wonder how nice it must feel to be thinspo.

---

[Help] My ED is going to ruin my relationship.
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Wed Jul 11 14:56:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y3ctn/my_ed_is_going_to_ruin_my_relationship/
---
I don't know what to do anymore. Everytime we have a day off, my boyfriend wants to take me out to eat. Its really sweet of him, but I just can't do it. I'll end up purging. My only safe restaurant is Panera but he always wants to go to this Mexican restaurant. He gets annoyed that I always want to go to Panera. Tomorrow we have a day off together. I wanted to go to the mall because shopping distracts me from eating. He agreed, but he said he wants to go out to eat after the mall. To a Mexican restaurant.

I can't do this. He wants to get frozen margaritas which are what, like 300+ cals?? On top of food? HELL NO. I guess I could only get a margarita but then I'd be fasting the rest of the day. He doesn't know I have an ED. He just thinks I eat really healthily. Idk what to do and now i'm freaking out. Great.

---

what to do about the shakes?
/u/corgi-cake
Created: Wed Jul 11 14:55:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y3cay/what_to_do_about_the_shakes/
---
when I get upset and I haven't eaten I get the shakes :( getting upset naturally causes me to lose my appetite (or tell my self I did), so what are some things to do?

---

[Rant/Rave] people and their rude ass comments
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Wed Jul 11 14:53:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y3bwc/people_and_their_rude_ass_comments/
---
ugh i need to vent. i've been receiving so many rude and unnecessary comments about my body lately. honestly i dont usually care what others think of me but why do so many of them feel inclined to tell me?? when i was overweight i rarely got comments, but now that im underweight a lot of people think its ok to open mic regarding my appearance. "omg you're so skeletal," "you need to eat more," "you look like a cancer patient," "you look like a crack whore/junkie/tweaker," "skinny bitch," "where did your ass go," "ew your bones are showing," "you look at least 35," "im digging the anorexic look, it turns me on," "men like curvy healthy looking women you know," "what happened to you?" "eat a burger," ...and the list goes on. so sick of this shit.

---

Intro
/u/Emp3r0r-_O
Created: Wed Jul 11 14:36:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y35y1/intro/
---
Hello everyone, longtime lurker of reddit. I was happy to stumble onto this subreddit, everyone here seems to be understanding of the issues that we all go through in life. I am 32 vet, and have been struggling with ED since i was about 10 or so.

My family has always been poor, and my parents were horrible at even providing the minimum that is required to raise their kids. Saying that i was starving was to put it lightly. I used to spend my allowance that i got for the week($1) to buy sweet bread from a local bakery. I would spread this over the course of the week reheating pieces. I ran away at around 16 and was homeless for a good amount of my life until i joined the Military, since i wanted a change of scenery.

My ED came back up when i joined the Military as they have one of the strictest requirements in regards of body shape and BMI. I felt i could never look like what most people would consider what a "MARINE" would look like, and i always battled trying to look like that.

I left after my first term, went through a divorce and depression. Blew up and i just started getting back into the swing of things. College and all that fun stuff. The problem is that my ED just came back because i wanted to do something positive instead of focusing on the negative. Im ready to work towards my recovery of depression and PTSD, but I don't think I am ready to do that for my ED. For once, everyone has been more nicer to me, giving me compliments and saying how good I look. They comment on my healthy eating habits (lol) and say that I motivate them.

So hello everyone, thank you for being kind and welcoming to this old Marine. (sorry for formatting and typos fairly new to this)

---

[Rant/Rave] Casually enjoying my Veggie Wrap from McDonalds when I decide to check the calories
/u/Burlesqua
Created: Wed Jul 11 14:19:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y30wi/casually_enjoying_my_veggie_wrap_from_mcdonalds/
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https://i.redd.it/fj7e3woknd911.jpg

---

I write poems
/u/hypermagical20
Created: Wed Jul 11 14:13:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y2z55/i_write_poems/
---
Technically went to school to learn how to write them and then never got around to it, but I found this scribbled in a notebook today:

This morning, I read "Your weight
is just a measure of gravity pulling you to Earth."
Tonight, I skip dinner, just to be
a little less tethered here.

---

[Help] Craft beer calories
/u/greenlegsnham
Created: Wed Jul 11 14:12:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y2z06/craft_beer_calories/
---
Hey guys! So I’m going to a brewery tonight, I was wondering if anyone knew what would be my best option calorie wise? (Pale ale, IPA, etc.) I’ve been trying to research online but it all seems extremely specific to each place. Just want some general guidance because I’m finally back into a restricting phase after b/p and I don’t want to blow through a ton of cals after being so careful about food lol

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[Other] 185 cal dinner!
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine
Created: Wed Jul 11 14:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y2yif/185_cal_dinner/
---
https://i.redd.it/rc8dh3s4md911.jpg

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[Other] I have no energy, red eyes, can’t sleep, & stomach cramps but HEY at least I’ve lost 12lbs in 2 weeks right! 🤦🏼‍♀️ the things we do.
/u/praduh
Created: Wed Jul 11 14:04:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y2wp0/i_have_no_energy_red_eyes_cant_sleep_stomach/
---
https://i.redd.it/o4o1k211ld911.jpg

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It's happening
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Wed Jul 11 13:48:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y2rzr/its_happening/
---
I was honest with my therapist today. What a fucking mistake.

I'm being forced into treatment. It's official. My mom is on the phone with a dietician right now.

I'm going to kill myself tonight. Or at least try. I've been through forced treatment before and I'm not willing to go through it again. I'm not going to let them stuff my body like a pillow for the 10 months until I'm legally an adult.

Bye.

---

Slightly related and slightly not, but can we give each other book recs?
/u/morco99
Created: Wed Jul 11 13:39:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y2pde/slightly_related_and_slightly_not_but_can_we_give/
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I'm afraid to ask in other subs because I don't want others to check my post history.

My insecurities stemming from my ED have made it difficult for me to read anything in a while, because I'm always comparing myself to other characters (sooo many books focus on the main character's attractiveness, which makes me feel like beauty is the only thing that matters).

Admittedly I've read and finished two books in the last five years, one being The Fault in Our Stars (loved) and the other being A Dog's Purpose. I start them but can't finish them. Young characters especially trigger me now that I'm a year out of high school, because I feel like I'm wasting my life focusing on food.

What books have you read that gave you positive role models and/or distracted you from your disordered eating for a bit?

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[Help] Why the F is dating all about eating garbage?! Plz help.
/u/eightstone
Created: Wed Jul 11 13:32:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y2n5j/why_the_f_is_dating_all_about_eating_garbage_plz/
---
There's a chap I rather like and he's asked me out on date number three. However, he wants to go to this trendy street food market near us. I've been reading articles about it, desperately seeking some reassurance that it's not all unhealthy food. It's like all the vendors have gone out of their way to produce the most fattening foods they can. Waffles, ice-cream, pancakes, burgers, pizza, cheese covered... things, tacos, fried food... even the vegan food stall is described as selling "vegan junk food". Fuck sake. There are also bars. I'm not so stressed about alcohol. I'm happy to drink. How the hell do I navigate this? Please give me advice. I've considered telling him that yes, I'll go there, but I have plans to have dinner with people so I'll meet him after dinner there for a drink. But then I worry that he'll find it rude that I've got other plans when I agreed to see him on friday (for a non-specified activity) days ago, (he just suggested the market today). Or I could just say yes to going but when I get there say that I ate a lot that day so I'm not very hungry and I'll just have drinks. After all, he didn't specify that we are going there to eat. (although perhaps the fact that it sells mostly food will make me seem weird for not realising). Or maybe I should eat nothing between now and then and then get something lightish and pick at it? but honestly, nothing there looks even vaguely healthy. I don't want him to know that I have a disordered relationship with food but I would honestly rather cut myself than eat gross greasy fatty junk on what's supposedly a romantic evening. Why can't he just have asked me out for drinks?! How do I seem normal while dealing with my junk-food phobia? This is a description of some of the stuff on offer:



"Now HWKRMRKT, a collection of 15 independent street traders selling pizza, oysters, tacos, burgers, ice creams, cakes, crepes and waffles is open too. The complex also includes the more upmarket Trakol restaurant, where the bar is located."


"Drinks at the main bar are served in only 1/3 or 2/3 of a pint - no halves or pints here! They include the microbrewery's own By The River Brew's own creations and specialities from De Molen including an 8pc abv spiced dark Doppelbock beer at £5.20 for 2/3rds. An IPA Session ale costs £2.20 for 1/3rd."

"Papa Ganoush's Chermoula lamb is £7 with flatbread and mezze.

Scream for Pizza's Tony di Pepperoni favourite is £3 a slice.

Chucho's tacos are two for £6 and include marinated, slow-cooked pork with red onion.

La Petite Creperie serves a Belgian chocolate crepe for £4.

Cheese Sir! sell Raclette cheese over baby potatoes with salad and pickles for £4.

Bait Box cover oreo biscuits in sweet batter and deep fry them for £3, with squirty cream.

Lola Jeans' burgers, for example, containing two beef patties, are £7.

Kultur's large helping of mixed olives is £4.

Oktopus' Lindisfarne oysters are one for £3 or three for £5.

And a Dabbawal veggie samosa chaat is £3."



"The full list of permanent residents at HWKRMRKT are Chucos of Shields Road, Byker, Dabbawal, which also has restaurant in [**Jesmond**](https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/all-about/jesmond) and on High Bridge in [**Newcastle**](https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/all-about/newcastle-upon-tyne) city centre; Dastardly & Dutty which serves loaded fries, waffle ice-cream makers Dubble Bubble and vegan junk food firm Grumpy Panda."



Help.

---

[Rant/Rave] “We need to catch up about... stuff”
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Wed Jul 11 12:51:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y2azk/we_need_to_catch_up_about_stuff/
---
It’s been a just under month since I’ve discussed my eating issues in depth with anyone and I’ve managed to convince myself that I’m in a great place and I’m doing really well in recovery. All I’m really doing is eating typical fear foods, but in infinitesimal and weighed out quantities (10g almond butter, anyone??).

By eating varied foods I have convinced myself that I’m alright and fine and recovering. Would an anorexic put a drop of milk in her tea? No.

Yesterday a really good friend mentioned that they’d like to catch up causing me to reflect on my behaviour, how things are really going. Well, let’s see... i weigh food, I weigh myself, I post on the thinspo page, I eat the same thing day in, day out, I consume mostly fruits and veg, cried in the supermarket, and this morning I freaked the fuck out because I noticed someone had scrambled eggs in my pot.

Looks like I’m not doing well, lads, but I’m okay with it. High calorie restriction is where we are and that’s what I’ll be telling my friend.

ALSO I MEET WITH THE UNIVERSITY TOMORROW TO DISCUSS HOW TO IMPROVE EATING DISORDER SUPPORT WOOOOO!!!

---

I'm bingeing right this second, and I'm home alone until tomorrow.please convince me not to purge
/u/CoffeeBonez
Created: Wed Jul 11 12:48:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y2a3m/im_bingeing_right_this_second_and_im_home_alone/
---
Why the fuck do we keep chocolate in the house? Well I know actually, I've been sick with a cold and my boyfriend bought me my favourite (galaxy salted caramel) to cheer me up. Three 135g bars (600+ calories each), and I walked in to the kitchen like I was on autopilot and took it back to my seat infront of the PS4 and went to town. This after eating dinner (Mac n cheese with bacon. I fasted all day so wasn't worried about that at the time) and three slices of home made millionaire shortbread.

It took me minutes to get down to a few squares left of this bar,and to be honest I have room for another one. I want to eat it and just get it all out, but I swore to myself I wouldn't keep purging because I know it will kill me if I keep it up, but also if I purge I might undo all the harm I did this evening. I'm home alone so it'd be so fucken easy

My calorie count for today is 2534, and i am 5"6. I'm so close to my goal of under 9 stone, but I keep bingeing and going up and down a few pounds, hovering around 9 st 3. I'm definitely fasting tomorrow.

And as I finish writing this, there it goes, a whole 135g bar of galaxy and I have room for another. I am a fucking disgraceful pig

---

Shitting woes.
/u/jeanisdead
Created: Wed Jul 11 12:48:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y29xa/shitting_woes/
---
I have to cancel my life today, because I'm so fucking bloated and can't shit for the life of me. I overdid it on the magnesium citrate last night because I ate a fucking sandwich. I've done everything. 2847;78383 glasses of water, intense cardio at the gym, coffee, even made an egg white omelette earlier.

If I didn't eat, this wouldn't fucking happen.

I have an amazing new bf I was supposed to see tonight, but I can't be around him like this, it's pure fucking misery. I feel like a giant, hopeless fart.

Any suggestions?

I'm about to drink hot water to try to flush myself out like a clogged human toilet. Because that is what I am. A human shit clog. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHKHJANEICNRIMVKRNVKR

---

[Tip] Tips for eating slower?
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Wed Jul 11 12:40:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y27pf/tips_for_eating_slower/
---
I’m like a speed eater forreal. I finish meals in like 15 minutes when I’m alone and since I’m eating so fast I don’t think my body registers I’m full. Help please 😭😭

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S’mores alternatives/low cal ideas?
/u/Andersoncooperspenis
Created: Wed Jul 11 12:34:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y25p0/smores_alternativeslow_cal_ideas/
---
Anyone have any idea for s’mores flavoured snacks or alternatives? The only thing I can really think of is the s’mores halo top which isn’t in store by me, and the golden grahams s’mores cereal bars, which honestly aren’t bad for 120 cal but I also eat the whole box 😬

S’mores are my favourite nostalgic summer food but I know if I buy the ingredients I’ll just end up binging on endless Hershey bars, graham crackers and a kilo of marshmallows 😩

P.S. a Dairy Queen mini s’mores blizzard is 400 calories even (perf for a junk food OMAD) and fucking fire af

P.P.S. The s’mores Luna bars are 10x more of a legit s’mores flavour compared to quest bars

---

Yep, pretty much...
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Wed Jul 11 12:20:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y21ot/yep_pretty_much/
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https://i.redd.it/nms7ppbg2d911.jpg

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[Help] fasting when active???
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Wed Jul 11 11:48:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y1rlo/fasting_when_active/
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i want to get back into fasting or maybe omad, which is more realistic since i have a job that requires me to be very active.

anyhow — does anyone have tips on how to deal with the side effects of fasting? i often feel weak and get a headache when i fast for to long, which obviously doesn’t really work with my job. thanks!! 🍑

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EC & heart rate
/u/beachnbum
Created: Wed Jul 11 11:47:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y1re1/ec_heart_rate/
---
I have been taking EC stacks for two weeks now. Today is the first week my heart rate isn't picking up. I take 1 bronkaid and 1 200mg Caf pill in the mornings. I took it around 9 and my heart rate is still in the low 60s. Last week I was up in the hundreds for the first hour or so. I use my Fitbit to keep track of my heart rate during the day.

Should I up my dosage? I also drink Diet drinks during the day.

---

what is your favorite time of year to restrict?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Wed Jul 11 11:17:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y1i3j/what_is_your_favorite_time_of_year_to_restrict/
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Mine is the fall because I can have hot coffee, hot veggie soups, curl up in a big comfy sweater and leggings and go for a nice run outside! Plus there is that back to school feeling, even though I'm an adult 😂

---

[Other] Today was a good day
/u/cafesitoconpan
Created: Wed Jul 11 11:06:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y1efc/today_was_a_good_day/
---
I’ve restricted all day and even went for a run today. I felt great until someone made dinner and I was worried I might binge, or it might ruin my flow, until I looked at what they made and it was just... not the best aesthetically or taste wise lol which is great bc I ate like two bites and I don’t feel bad about throwing it away 🤭

---

[Help] What to do when you get off track
/u/sweetiepeachy
Created: Wed Jul 11 10:56:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y1ar8/what_to_do_when_you_get_off_track/
---
I am so confused idk what to do. I went on vacation with my bf (who is wonderful and makes me feel good about myself) by bc of that I didn’t track what I was eating and ate a lot of greasy and gross processed food. Now, I feel huge (too scared to weigh myself) and my face is breaking out like crazy. I feel utterly ugly y’all, I want the control and satisfaction I felt by restricting but I feel like since I’ve ruined my progress, what’s the point. Any advice/ support to get back going? Or just be happy with where I’m at? I feel like trash and truly don’t know what to do, I just don’t wanna binge anymore :(

---

hello! i have a quick q
/u/laurena0471
Created: Wed Jul 11 10:39:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y15dk/hello_i_have_a_quick_q/
---
i don't usually purge very often but i have a thing to go to tonight where i'm gonna have to wear a tight dress and my stomach is so bloated. i was wondering if purging would make my stomach slim up a little bit before tonight? or if not is there anything else that would help

---

are there any calorie logging apps that distinguish between natural v refined sugars?
/u/llcoolwhip
Created: Wed Jul 11 10:25:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y115w/are_there_any_calorie_logging_apps_that/
---
i need it. desperately. my strawberries are not the same sugars as my chips ahoy D:

---

[Other] when you’ve been fasting for 16 hours and there isn’t any food to track
/u/sylas69
Created: Wed Jul 11 10:09:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y0vzw/when_youve_been_fasting_for_16_hours_and_there/
---
https://i.redd.it/otoeu0d0fc911.jpg

---

How inaccurate is this scale?
/u/relapseandrecovery
Created: Wed Jul 11 09:48:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y0pfu/how_inaccurate_is_this_scale/
---
So I'm on a day trip at work at a water park and they had a scale in the changing room. It is a brand called Century. It clocked me at 98.0. I was about an hour out from eating my only meal so far today- a 500 cal breakfast. I was naked and don't feel much poop sitting in me so any water weight would probably at most be 2 pounds if not much less.

I went back and weighed after going in the water. With all of my wet clothes and flip flops on it had me at 98.6 and then said the same with it off even though my body and hair were dry and the scale had reset.

As far as calibration, I moved it to a different place, reset it by stepping on and off, and did the same in the original place. I'm lowkey upset at the weight and trying to gauge how much I should be trusting it. It's a normal bathroom scale and my gut tells me it's probably pretty accurate even if it is a public scale.

I should be lower tbh and I felt quite light before getting on it. I was expecting 95. It even seemed like it might say 93.2 for a second before flashing to 98. I just need some reassurance to make this day not as hard as needs to be. I'm already jealous of children at the water park so I don't want to be extra upset for 4 or 5 more hours.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like they have to choose between food and love?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Wed Jul 11 09:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y0nrj/does_anyone_else_feel_like_they_have_to_choose/
---
Sorry if this is too pessimistic but im curious and wanted to make a follow up to a comment i made earlier. My ed started when i was ~10 years old even though i wasn't aware of it at the time. My initial thoughts were that i should restrict calories and lose weight because "nobody cares about me if im not sick" (because ive been in and out of the hospital for other reasons at the time). It was a horrible thing to say looking back to it but now it's kind of evolved into something different. I hate to be that person that talks about blah blah society and men like skinny girls but stay with me here haha. Honestly my ed is worse than it's ever been in the past right now because the only things that make me happy anymore is my friends and boyfriend, and recently during a really dark time i realized something. .. Everyone says im pretty and i dont feel that way but still, i know im not nice or smart or funny but im just pretty and thats all anyone will ever think of me. Thats the only reason why anybody talks to me and they've admitted it too. Im just pretty. And if i let go of that its all i have really. So every time i even think of eating the intrusive thoughts tell me that if i do everyone is going to leave me again and ill lose the only things that bring me joy anymore. Its be skinny and pretty and stay with my love or get fat and cheated on and abused again. Im sorry. Sorry for the rant im tired and buzzed and desperately want a break from this.

---

[Other] I’m not a bing-er, but last night I had this horrific dream that I binged probably 5,000 calories in one sitting. I woke up in a cold sweat.
/u/gatechnightman
Created: Wed Jul 11 09:41:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y0ng1/im_not_a_binger_but_last_night_i_had_this/
---
Does anyone else have dreams like this? I’m doing so well restricting lately and I’m terrified to break it.

---

Birthday was yesterday, today is doomsday
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Wed Jul 11 09:26:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y0iyp/birthday_was_yesterday_today_is_doomsday/
---
Yesterday was my birthday and I woke up at a new LW of 161.2

Too bad I knew I was going to slam on garlic bread.

I had my *planned* delicious carby lunch with my parents. It was the best thing I've ever eaten and I have no regrets.

However, the massaman curry and ice cream brownie I ate with my roommate for dinner when *I wasn't even hungry* was not planned, and I am deeply regretting it.

(tmi)

The curry gave me THE most insane shits last night when we came back. I am never effected by spicy food (this curry wasn't even spicy) but for some reason it got me absolutely fucked up.

After having the shits until 2am last night, I thought I had effectively lost all water and food weight from yesterday. Ding dong I was WRONG.

I got on the scale before bed last night and was back up to 164.

Woke up this morning and am down to 163. I know this isn't a skyrocket in weight or anything but hooooo boy I have very little faith that it's just "water and food weight" at this point after my unplanned colonic last night.

Anyway, I'm fasting until at least Friday morning. Do I lax tonight even though I shat my brains out last night because I hate myself? Probably.

Anyway, thanks for all the birthday wishes on my last post- I hope y'all are all having a lovely week!

---

[Other] Follow up to the "What should I make for a birthday cake?" post: behold!
/u/cokezeroshill
Created: Wed Jul 11 09:23:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y0hxx/follow_up_to_the_what_should_i_make_for_a/
---
https://i.redd.it/f7692kdt6c911.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] My one and only birthday present
/u/nekkedpebbl
Created: Wed Jul 11 09:12:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y0eg6/my_one_and_only_birthday_present/
---
Wow much thanks, mother. How did you know that my deepest darkest desire was to have my own scale?

Yup so my mom got me a scale for my birthday. No explanation, just handed me the box. Great. Now I’m low key freaking out because she might be on to me 🙃

At least it says that I’m down to 108 (on mobile so I can’t update my flair)

edit: I exaggerated with the “one and only” part. I also got a bar of soap. yay.

---

[Rant/Rave] Today will be a massive test...
/u/CharlieJScarper
Created: Wed Jul 11 09:07:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y0czp/today_will_be_a_massive_test/
---
Hi y'all. I'm new and I love reading all of your posts!

I've ended up in the clutches of my ED again, and so on and so forth... so why am I so excited about it? For the first time since I was 17 (20 now) I'm back down to 96lbs, putting me back into the underweight category. Obviously this isn't good but I just can't seem to care. Tonight, my parents' friends are coming over and they're all going to be eating Chinese takeaway. I'm terrified that I'll cave in and order some or binge on the leftovers, which would ruin a whole week of restriction! Instead I'll be sticking to a low calorie spicy tuna and vegetables dish... here's hoping.

---

[Other] 16.5 hours into a fast and nothing appeals to me.
/u/tuesdayschildis
Created: Wed Jul 11 08:39:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8y04nq/165_hours_into_a_fast_and_nothing_appeals_to_me/
---
It’s not a long time yes, but the longest I’ve made it so far is 21 hours, and today I will hit 24.
I thought about breaking it, but I see no point. Nothing appeals to me- it’s like I’m burned out on food. I’ve binged so much in the last week that I simply can’t even think of one food that would be worth breaking my fast for, even.
I’m so depressed, so tired, and so sick of being fat.
But the one positive in all this is that I get to go through the high of watching the numbers fall down on the scale.
I get to keep going lower and lower, and because my recent weight gain is pretty bad, the end result will be even more shocking than the last time.

---

When do ED become serious?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Wed Jul 11 08:11:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xzwj1/when_do_ed_become_serious/
---
I am able to get through everyday with less than 500-800calories. No faint, but of course my brain doesnt work too well. Recently, my blood tests show that bone level, prancreas level, thryoid level, and liver level decreases. Does it happen to you guys too?

My body feels okay, but when does it become serious or very serious? is it through blood tests?

I dont know anyone in real life who have ED, so just wanted to make a post and share. Thanks!

---

[Help] To weigh or not to weigh, that is the question ...
/u/throwawaytodayokc
Created: Wed Jul 11 07:50:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xzqm6/to_weigh_or_not_to_weigh_that_is_the_question/
---
This entire month, I have been b/p multiple times a day, with lazy purging...I have massive binges, sk it is possible that I very gained like 10 lbs and I'm afraid it could be even more. 100% possible so I don't want to argue about that. I can b/p on like 6000 cals each time and if I was lazy in purging, you get the idea.


I have not weighed myself since the total crash of b/p into oblivion. Should I face the music and see the damage? Or wait 2 weeks or so? What would you do?


Ugh, help. I KNOW I've gained weight I just don't know how bad it got. Needless to say, I am very very far from my goal of being 96 lbs. Sigh.

---

[Help] New medication. Cant stop eating. Help!!
/u/KattyWampus666
Created: Wed Jul 11 07:49:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xzqfb/new_medication_cant_stop_eating_help/
---
My psychiatrist added Latuda to my medication cocktail. It is making me so hungry! I take it at 6pm, the worst of the munchies hit about an hour later... But Im hungrier all day too (normally I fast for 8-10ish hours upon waking and then eat lightly in the evenings)... How in the hell can I overcome this? The last time I was on Latuda, I put on 70lbs in a year. HELP.

TL;DR: New medication has me stuffing my face like a disgusting pig. Advise?

---

[Help] tips for fasting?
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Wed Jul 11 07:34:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xzm95/tips_for_fasting/
---
i’m gonna try to get back to fasting, although it will probably turn into omad because i have a pretty active job and need at least a little energy. any tips? especially for feeling sick/dizzy? thanks!

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else struggle with compliments?
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Wed Jul 11 07:29:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xzkuy/does_anyone_else_struggle_with_compliments/
---
I've never done well with compliments, especially from men. I feel like they're sexualized and that so bothers me. I banned everyone in my life from complimenting me. My husband has figured it out but a male friend of mine just hasn't. We had a fight the other day because he said I was beautiful, and then backtracked and said he meant my personality (uh huh... sure...). I told him it really bothered me and unless he had forgotten that I had said I don't like compliments, he was willfully ignoring my wishes. We figured it out and are okay now but I just wondered if anyone else has a similar issue.

I don't think this is about my eating disorder. I don't get self conscious about my size with compliments. I feel... scared. I don't know what it is.

---

[Other] The classic ED breakfast.
/u/Ooeillade
Created: Wed Jul 11 07:27:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xzke5/the_classic_ed_breakfast/
---
https://i.redd.it/letat086mb911.png

---

Looking for RESEARCH PARTICIPANTS
/u/SeaWeedGuts
Created: Wed Jul 11 07:11:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xzg1k/looking_for_research_participants/
---
Hi everyone! How y'all doing? Hope you're ok.

I'm a –how to describe it?– former anorexic/bulimic 25-yo girl. I'm quite recovered now I'd say, though some self-destructive thoughts remain (-.-').

I'm doing a research on mediated narratives about EDs for my MA dissertation (on Gender Studies), so I'm looking for research participants. I'm interested in photography (especially self-portraits a.k.a. selfies) as a tool for narrating hidden and silenced stories about EDs.

The idea is to keep a 2-week visual and textual journal, taking a pic/selfie every day depicting and reflecting on your daily struggles with your ED (whether you're trying to recover or not). A text along with the pic explaining the context, your feelings and thoughts, etc. would be also great.


Of course, your privacy is guaranteed and any element that could identify you personally would be deleted (faces blurred, names changed, etc.). If you're concern about this, don't hesitate to PM me. I'm very open to negotiations and my priority is that you all feel ok with this.


If any of you is interested, just send me a PM and we'll talk about the details. I'd greatly appreciate if you could also tell your friends (if potentially interested) about it.


Thanks a lot for your time. Sending positive vibes and all my support <3

---

[Discussion] DAE fast every other day?
/u/lolobaggins2
Created: Wed Jul 11 06:52:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xzax1/dae_fast_every_other_day/
---
I usually fast two days then eat one, but I'm trying to maintain for the time being due to my family coming to visit in a few weeks. What was it like?

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Stuck in a plane
/u/audreyhepburnwho
Created: Wed Jul 11 06:47:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xz9rk/stuck_in_a_plane/
---
Going on vacation with some friends. I'm already super stoked that even though im still very far from goal, my recent progress was enough for me to be able to wear some summer clothes i haven't worn in forever, including crop tops <3 today i want to fast because my water weight has been all out of whack for different reasons and I'm hoping to look leaner tomorrow thanks to it. Anyway I'm in a plane for 5 hours without food, and then arrive at the airbnb and mmy friends are meeting me there and I'm just gonna dsy i ate on the plane. Hell yeah.

---

Friend called me a MILF
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Wed Jul 11 06:43:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xz8qh/friend_called_me_a_milf/
---
No one has ever called me that before - old but hot - so not sure if win. People used to say the opposite - average but young looking. It's kind of weird being called a MILF bc I am 7 pounds higher than my lw from 5 months ago :( Also - I got no kids. I was celebrating my 15th anniversary of turning 21.

---

[Discussion] DAE also have gender dysmorphia
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Wed Jul 11 06:24:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xz491/dae_also_have_gender_dysmorphia/
---
At my intake assessment the doctor noted I had some traits of gender dysmorphia. I’m a girl and I’m not trans but it did make sense. I was wondering if anyone else had any of these traits and how they effect your ED.

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jul 11 06:11:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xz13r/daily_food_diary_july_11_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 11, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday July 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jul 11 06:11:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xz133/way_to_go_wednesday_july_11_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for July 11, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

Bless the dehydrating effects of alcohol
/u/apinkphoenix
Created: Wed Jul 11 05:19:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xypoc/bless_the_dehydrating_effects_of_alcohol/
---
I had 3 beers last night which got me pretty drunk. Probably helps that I've only had 1 drink before that in the last few months. So woo!

But my absolute favourite part of drinking last night was weighing myself this morning. One kilo less on the scales. One. Kilo. I know it's only temporary dehydration and I apprehensively was expecting it (part of the reason I wanted to drink haha) but gosh darn if it didn't make my day seeing that.

As an aside, I haven't pooped for about four days and I'm both excited and nervous about that happening.

---

[Rant/Rave] Diagnosed with hypothyroidism.
/u/notadolphin1823
Created: Wed Jul 11 05:19:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xypjp/diagnosed_with_hypothyroidism/
---
Ive been on here awhile, but this is a new account. I had my BMR tested by a dietician and it is 1280 (I’m 5’7” and 26 for reference) and my thyroid levels are all out of whack. I’m so upset. In order to lose 2lbs a week, right now I’d have to eat ~720cals a day. I feel like my body is like a literally a fat prison. Although my disordered thoughts have never left, I’ve been dealing with waves of recovery and waves of relapses over the last year, in complete secret. The relapses are getting closer and closer together. I am so depressed and I finally feel like I’m giving in to my eating disorder again (for good) and I feel like a complete failure. I guess I just needed to tell someone. Thank you if you got this far, and for this community in general.

---

My ED and recovery story
/u/candycornsucks
Created: Wed Jul 11 05:18:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xypcb/my_ed_and_recovery_story/
---
I had an eating disorder in middle school and high school. Now I’m 23 and now hope to spend the rest of my 20s as slim but healthy as I can. Feel free to comment/pm me/ama - I just thought I’d put this out there in case it was helpful to people.

I used to eat between 500-1000 calories while I ran track (I’m 5’4 F btw). It’s been 10 years so I can’t remember how little I weighed but i was skinny enough that my peers and parents would tell me I looked anorexic.

Then in high school I discovered purging, would eat slightly more than 1200 but purge until I felt it “all evened out.” That continued until my first year of college.

My second year of college to my first year out I told myself I was done with that life, but gained thirty pounds and eventually hit 160 after checking for the first time in years. While I was gaining weight I felt bad but kept telling myself I still looked ok...until I didn’t. I also realized the damage done to my esophagus- if I ate even a medium size meal I’d involuntarily regurgitate some food.

Since April 25 I lost 20 lbs through 1200 calories a day and taking some fitness classes (tho I’m resting on injury now). I’m looking to get back down to 125-130 and maintain if possible.

It’s been a long road and a lot of failed therapy but (not to sound too much like the people in r/1200isplenty) this new lifestyle is working for me. In the past 10 years I’ve had a lot of road blocks (sexual assaults, academic failures, a layoff) but weirdly those events didn’t send me spiraling out of control- if anything they distracted me from just focusing on weight and got me focusing on what i want out of life as a whole.

Something inside me has changed over the last 5-10 years. I just don’t have it in me to freak out over my weight gain. Maybe that’s because, when I gained the weight, my life didn’t go to shit- I was enjoying food and trying new drinks and dating and making friends. I’m only just now learning how to balance that and staying at a healthy weight.

---

Ready to recover from bulimia, but I'm a little confused
/u/anamiabella
Created: Wed Jul 11 04:56:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xykt5/ready_to_recover_from_bulimia_but_im_a_little/
---
So last week I realised the frequency and severity of my B/Ps was creeping up higher and higher, I realised my health was declining rapidly, I wasn't losing weight, and I just didn't fucking deserve to put myself through this shit. I deserve better.

I'm currently 6 days B/P free but I'm stuck between believing in two possible outcomes for the next few weeks:

1. By cutting down on B/P and eating at a deficit/around maintenance I will drop a lot of weight, since I'm eating much less than I would when B/Ping
OR
2. Quitting B/P will make me retain hella water and I will just gain weight and fucking blow up like a balloon anyway, 'cause "that's what happens in recovery" regardless of my caloric deficit, right?

Currently I am eating 750-1500 calories a day when my TDEE is 1500-1700. I'm also walking more often, trying for 3-5 times a week for about an hour. Also, my weight has pretty much stayed the same in the past week or two in my transition from B/P to recovery. I also honestly believe that even if I'm on a big deficit, I will absolutely not binge or purge again - I've got strong coping mechanisms and support networks. But what do you think???

---

calculating my BMI is a bad idea
/u/insomniaed
Created: Wed Jul 11 04:23:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xyeoj/calculating_my_bmi_is_a_bad_idea/
---
Every now and then i decide to calculate my BMI and everytime i see the result i just want to hurl and it makes me even more depressed about my slow weight loss. My current BMI is 21.6 and at a BMI of 25 you're considered overweight and that's only 3,4 points away from mine. That's just too fucking close for comfort, it instantly repells me from eating anything. I hate it so much, like calculating my BMI triggers my ED even more than the actual weight on my scale. Am i the only one who feels that way? :(

---

DAE Get Low Key Addicted To Short Fasts?
/u/Shibo_Kitsune
Created: Wed Jul 11 04:15:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xycyl/dae_get_low_key_addicted_to_short_fasts/
---
IDK but more often now I find it a lot easier just to take in liquids for 24-48 hours than sticking to low restricting. If I'm eating a little I wanna eat more but if I'm not eating I'm fine with it? :S I know it's a slippery slope but it just seems easier atm.

---

Please help me find a bathing suit
/u/HarryFuckingPotter
Created: Wed Jul 11 04:14:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xycs2/please_help_me_find_a_bathing_suit/
---
Hey guys. I’ve just finished inpatient and I’m currently in week two of a PHP program. In two weeks my husband and I are going on a trip for his 30th and I’m petrified of putting on a bathing suit. The ones I have will fit, but I’m afraid I’m going to cry when I put them on. I’m still in a really vulnerable place with my recovery right now, and my weight has distributed mostly to my stomach so far, and I don’t have hopes of that changing before the trip.

Please help. What do I do? Bathing suit suggestions?

---

No motivation anymore ;w;
/u/Nyxx_styxx
Created: Wed Jul 11 04:08:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xybo1/no_motivation_anymore_w/
---
At the end of last year I dropped from 236lbs to 143lbs. I’ve moved in with my partner and shot up to 163lbs
I feel like all my progress is lost now and I’m just the fat whale I used to be ;w;
I don’t even know what to do, I’m trying so hard to get back on track but my motivation is dead ;w;

---

[Rant/Rave] if less is more..
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Wed Jul 11 03:07:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xy0i7/if_less_is_more/
---
if less is more, nothing is everything
if less is more, nothing is everything
if less is more, nothing is everything
if less is more, nothing is everything

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[Rant/Rave] I hate LoseIt’s newest update
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Wed Jul 11 00:45:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xxc5o/i_hate_loseits_newest_update/
---
After using LoseIt for ~200 days (according to my streak), I’ve gotten used to seeing “If you keep it up like this, you’ll reach your goal by [month, day, year.]” It was honestly my biggest motivation for restricting. If I went super low, LoseIt thought that I’d reach my UGW in 100 days. Now I’m just guessing and restricting even more.

---

[Rant/Rave] Terrible day, could use some help I guess
/u/subspacehipster
Created: Wed Jul 11 00:18:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xx6r9/terrible_day_could_use_some_help_i_guess/
---
This morning i woke up and ran to the bathroom because something the past few days (weeks, my whole life? Idk I probably have ibs) has sorely disagreed with my stomach. When I stood up and washed my face I immediately noticed some lines on my face that I don’t think I’d seen before. You know the cheek lines mind linking from the sides of your nose to either side of your mouth? Ever prevalent on my face this morning. And while it’s likely because I slept on my face and it made my face look bloated, all I could see was fat spilling off my face. And my day just went downhill.
I ended up doing makeup and thought it looked great. But every picture I took showed my fat and my ugliness. At this point, I just can’t stand myself today. I am sad and anxious. I can’t be productive. I’m complaining and shitty and I don’t eat.
My roommates end up going to a roller rink. I go if only for the workout. It’s so hot in that room, all the lights are spinning and blinking, my whole chest ached and every moment I thought I was falling or passing out. When I wasn’t skating, my legs jerked and tapped uncontrollably. I was trembling. I imagine it was out of fear because I had not really been fasting all that long.
But I’m home. And I started to make myself something to eat. And then I thought about my face and I turned off the oven. It’s hours later and I’ve tried a few times to make a safe food and feel less sick and every time I get to proud, embarrassed, or sick to keep going.
I don’t know what I need right now, but it’s something. If anyone has anything to say I’d appreciate it.
Also goodness knows that my flair is on this sub. I’m on mobile and it’s surely wrong.

---

[Discussion] Have any of you tried Amazing Grass powders?
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Wed Jul 11 00:08:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xx4qr/have_any_of_you_tried_amazing_grass_powders/
---
I just saw it at whole foods today. I don't get hardly enough vegetables etc so I decided to get some small sample sizes.

All their products are vegan and don't have a lot of net carbs and the Superfood line is super low cal. I was feeling so sluggish today and I mixed the Green SuperFood watermelon flavour with a cup of water and I felt better?? I don't know it might be a placebo effect. I don't really like "catchy" words like superfood but the ingredients look pretty pure and I liked the flavour! I like artificial tasting things sometimes and the watermelon was a mix between artificial and real watermelon. I made my mom try it and she hated it though haha.

I just feel like when I'm doing heavy restriction (trying to stay at around 500...well at least that's heavy to me) I just miss out on a variety of foods and I feel like I'm going to buy a bigger size because I like the idea of trying to be a little bit healthy and have a wide range of healthy ingredients in a product.

They have the "Green Superfood" line and the "protein line" which is higher calories but still pretty reasonable for 20g of protein.

I wondered if any of you have tried it and what you think?

---

[Help] Nervous
/u/Frinada
Created: Wed Jul 11 00:02:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xx3db/nervous/
---
Ive eaten a total of 600 calories in 3 days and have been burning 700-1000 in exercise each day. Lost 5lbs!

I feel so weak and pathetic. Im light headed and my hands keep going numb. Im taking my vitamins and Im too afraid to up my calories. I really want to lose 15 more pounds and I feel like a failure if I decide to eat more.

I dont want to faint and Im scared I will be hospitalized again. Im stuck between chosing death because "I won the craving" and "oh please eat a slice of pizza so I dont die"

Im scared, anxious and confused.

Maybe i should just stop exercising.

---

[Help] how do you hide your weight loss/the fact that you are underweight from your parents (or doctors)?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Tue Jul 10 23:58:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xx2hm/how_do_you_hide_your_weight_lossthe_fact_that_you/
---
im not even underweight yet but ive lost like 15 pounds and my parents know my highest weight because they were at the doctors when i got weighed and i think theyre starting to get suspicious. plus if im going to get down to my goal weight im gonna end up underweight and i don't know how to explain that

---

[Other] When someone on the proEDmeme page tries to ED-shame you for disagreeing with them
/u/Rickticia
Created: Tue Jul 10 23:49:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xx0pj/when_someone_on_the_proedmeme_page_tries_to/
---
https://i.redd.it/f4lm6u9fc9911.jpg

---

My psychiatrist suddenly got very angry at me is most likely about to cut me off my medication (I run out tomorrow) for starting to go back to my Ed ways, wtf do I do
/u/princesszelda00
Created: Tue Jul 10 23:29:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwwhr/my_psychiatrist_suddenly_got_very_angry_at_me_is/
---
Idk if I'm overreacting but basically I brought up with my therapist that I am starting to slip back into old habits and I would have to stop taking Vyvanse for my add (this happened before). So he called her to ask her about it and then she called me very angry saying that I was "not normal" and that she is refusing to refill my antidepressants (which I have been on for like a year) "because of my abnormal behavior" also which I run out of tomorrow. I just feel horrible about myself now from the way she talked to me and also pretty scared to see her and/or the effects of suddenly stopping this stuff.

I see her later in the week but I feel like whatever I can say probably isnt going to be good enough cause I'm now doubling down 10x and don't see that stopping. She wasn't exactly the nicest person in the world but I didn't think it'd come to this. I have no idea why a person would react this way or if I really am crazy. Like am I overreacting or idk. I don't think there's really some other detail like I am some unhinged person knocking on her door at 4 am or something or calling 400 times a day, I think I have been a pretty ok person. Has this kind of thing ever happened to anyone else?

---

[Rant/Rave] The struggles of clothing shopping
/u/moutoncarpet
Created: Tue Jul 10 23:28:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwwde/the_struggles_of_clothing_shopping/
---
clothes shopping just takes it out of me, because there’s always something going haywire in my head about it. sometimes i hate the way i look and cry in the dressing room, but most of the time i just don’t know whether to trust my head or the tags on clothing. for example, am i actually a size two in jeans or is it just vanity sizing that this brand does? is my head seeing my thighs as bigger than they are, or are they really this big and the brand is lying to me to make me buy their clothes? UGH. what is the truth??? and sometimes it’s the other way around, where i think i’m thin but NOPE, better go a size up! are the mirrors in here making me look skinnier or fatter than i really am?

clothing shopping honestly makes all my confusion about my body come to the surface. if something doesn’t fit right when i try it on, a lot of the time i don’t even bother getting another size because i just want to give up.

totally random rant but i hate how i feel like it’s so hard for me to pick out clothes i enjoy and i wanted to know if anyone else related

---

[Other] The Holy Truth
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Tue Jul 10 23:06:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwrkl/the_holy_truth/
---
https://i.redd.it/07ie13fl49911.png

---

[Other] Setting up my new bujo, sneaked in a thinspo spread in the guise of fashion inspo
/u/thelittlestbishop
Created: Tue Jul 10 22:44:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwn0p/setting_up_my_new_bujo_sneaked_in_a_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/92ic0xlu09911.jpg

---

[Goal] Fuck birthdays and cute boyfriends who want to spoil you. Now I have to restrict.
/u/justoliverflynn
Created: Tue Jul 10 22:35:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwkvz/fuck_birthdays_and_cute_boyfriends_who_want_to/
---
My boyfriend, whom I love very much, is doing something super freaking extra for my birthday which is in 26 days. Now, my fat ass has to lose AT LEAST 10 pounds or the whole day will be ruined. I’m super fat so I know it’ll be decently easy to drop the weight, I’m just so ugh.

---

I'm going on my first date ever in 10 days - not letting my ED win this.
/u/aerienne
Created: Tue Jul 10 22:19:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwhh9/im_going_on_my_first_date_ever_in_10_days_not/
---
10 or 13. I'd rather have a few extra days to prepare.

I'm 25 and never kissed anyone or had sex or dated. The whole 'crippling self-hatred and self-doubt' contributed a bit.

Either way, I'd like to be down 5 pounds by then and it's possible because I'm still bloated from my period. I chose a trail walk for a date, so I'll be in tight, black clothing. That's good. Nothing can jiggle or move or roll.

For the next 10 days, I'm not going to ~starve myself~ completely. Under 1000 cals for sure and only 'real' food with plenty of fresh fruits and veggies. I don't want to pass out.

I'm so nervous and excited. He's already seen me in real life and said I was gorgeous and fucking sexy. It was unreal. Any comments on my body normally make me feel ill, but this gave me postivie butterflies.

I've been in such a funk lately and this is making me want to feel good. I'm hitting the gym at 6am tomorrow and going swimming. I just want to feel my best on our date.

So 'Fuck you eating disorder'! I'm not letting you win this battle. I'm going to let him see my bare arms in a tank top and even eat in front of him.

Ever since I asked him out, I've had no appetite. It's been the best thing ever!

---

Might get back on the grind
/u/squidwardsgay
Created: Tue Jul 10 22:06:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xweef/might_get_back_on_the_grind/
---
I’ve been on again off again restricting for years, and I’ve been off it for the past year. I had a bout with uncontrolled restricting (I was too poor to afford eating and it wasn’t voluntary nor how I’d want to) and that shocked me into the straight and narrow for a while but god. I miss that feeling. I miss yearning for my stomach to grumble and powering through it. I miss using the sensation of hunger to energize myself.
Now a days I can’t even shower without eating first.
I work in a kitchen, and snack all the time.
I miss enjoying being hungry so much.
I miss the control it gave me over myself and my life.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why are parents like this?(also any other trans people here?)
/u/sendjubes
Created: Tue Jul 10 22:02:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwdfi/why_are_parents_like_thisalso_any_other_trans/
---
(Context I am a ftm trans guy)
So I recently just hit 62kg at a height of 167cm and this is progress for me. I've spent my whole life teetering on the line of being overweight and now I'm getting away from it. My goal weight is to be 45-48kg by the end of the year though I doubt I'll achieve it because I only high restrict at 800-1200 and barely move.
Since I've lost weight my mum keeps doing the following:
1. Tried to make me eat more and made a fuss around my eating
2. Started calling me her beautiful boy probably to get me to stop heavily restricting through positive reinforcement but is actually just encouraging my restrictive eating habits
3. Here's the kicker, keeps touching my stomach and calling me fat and saying I need to hit the gym despite the fact that my stomach is surprisingly flat and my weight is in my legs mostly.

She's also started guilting me by saying things like "you need to stop losing weight I can't have a trans son who's anorexic". I'm still fat. Just because her whole family over eats and blames the "[surname] metabolism" for their fatness doesn't make it true. She can't seem to understand the idea that anyone is capable of being not fat unless they're Asian.Also in the first place I'm losing weight so I can have an androgynous body because even though I'm 18 I'm not allowed to transition until I finish school unless I want to have a hostile environment when I'm finishing my final year of school.

Just needed to vent I guess. I just got peach so if anyone wants to add me I'm juliangreen

---

my boyfriend is out of my league and it fuels my ed
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Tue Jul 10 22:02:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwdcl/my_boyfriend_is_out_of_my_league_and_it_fuels_my/
---
im just always paranoid that hes gonna break up with me cause honestly there are girls way hotter than me at our school who would date him in a heartbeat and so i tell myself that if I lose weight he'll stay with me even though he says he doesn't like super skinny girls :/ and im being such an irrational bitch like spiraling into further mental instability isn't gonna make him like me more lol

---

[Discussion] Relationships..
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Tue Jul 10 21:59:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwcl6/relationships/
---
Have you ever had a relationship ruined because of your ED or other self destructive behaviors? I’m married almost four years, but it’s so hard anymore to love someone else when I don’t even love myself. We are drifting apart and we both know it. But I’m too wrapped up in my own fucked up head to care enough to try to fix it. I just don’t have the energy anymore.

---

[Discussion] DAE have an ‘All or Nothing’ mentality? How extra are you?
/u/missdreavuss
Created: Tue Jul 10 21:58:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwcep/dae_have_an_all_or_nothing_mentality_how_extra/
---
Because I do and I swear it’s going to kill me. I just go to extremes in everything I do and it’s so fucking bad.

In short: today I decided that I needed to get rid of my water weight ASAP and took 5 dulcolax with coffee and miralax, ran 5 miles to try and kill some calories and sweat, and now 6 hours later I’m literally shitting my brains out.

Meanwhile yesterday I was in a “fuck an ED” mood and ate 8 giant cookies at work????? Like??? This shit is literally going to have me dead and I can never seem to find a safe middle ground. I’m either eating normally and hating life or starving. I’m either not working out at all or working out until I literally pass out.

I feel like this is a huge reason as to why I developed a shit relationship with food and disordered habits but sometimes even I take a step back and am like “damn bitch how do you live like this????”

I’m sure I can’t be the only one here who is this extra and only does things in complete extremes. If you’re down to share your experiences with this it would make me feel a lot better rn because I need some kind of comfort and distraction in this laxative induced nightmare I just brought upon myself.

(Even now while I browse this sub while literally having the worst BM of my life, all I can think about is how much water weight I probably just lost. Kill me.)

---

you guys I stopped a binge im so proud of myself
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Tue Jul 10 21:58:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwcaz/you_guys_i_stopped_a_binge_im_so_proud_of_myself/
---
literally the pizza was 1cm from my mouth and I was like "no you're gonna hate yourself"

i cant believe it

still finished the day at 1500 but could be worse

---

[Help] Does traveling make you loose/gain weight?
/u/virgomartini
Created: Tue Jul 10 21:52:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwb24/does_traveling_make_you_loosegain_weight/
---
I'm traveling to Europe for a month doing tourist stuffs and visiting family.

I'm very worried and anxious about my weight cause I won't be able to weight myself regularly and keep track of the calories that regularly.

I'm just curious if I'm going to loose weight (eating less often/no binging) ou gain (Italian family you know...)

Please let me know your experience with travelling and weight, it would really help me a lot !!

Stay safe xoxo

---

[Goal] been steady at this weight for a while, ready to get serious again and lose 40lbs. I feel like losing weight right now is the only thing that will keep me sane.
/u/aurorabreeze
Created: Tue Jul 10 21:50:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xwafv/been_steady_at_this_weight_for_a_while_ready_to/
---
I’m a higher weight than probably the majority in this sub. I actually love my body, I love thicker/bigger bodies (+ all other bodies). so especially if my body was someone else’s, i’d be in love. but at times I hate mine. and I just feel the need to be smaller. so I can like almost disappear. it feels nicer to weigh less and be less for some reason. I’m 5’8 and around 200-205, my goal weight is 160 which is actually kinda small for me. my highest weight was 240 and I dropped to 200 in like 2-3 months, so I’m hoping to do that again. but this time I can’t exercise so I’m mostly relying on restricting. I’ve been super suicidal lately, and I know focusing on this is actually gonna help me a lot. I think restricting and losing weight is actually gonna keep me sane and alive. so I’m actually feeling good about it. idk just wanted to share but had no one to share this with so yeah..

---

Super cool when someone comments on how slowly you eat
/u/lmarsh93
Created: Tue Jul 10 21:42:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xw8kx/super_cool_when_someone_comments_on_how_slowly/
---
"Haha yeah, my brother used to choke from eating too fast. I've eaten show ever since"
YEP

---

[Other] A Slice of the Love/Hate ED Mind: Food/Life is thy Frenemy
/u/newforvevernever
Created: Tue Jul 10 21:30:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xw5qr/a_slice_of_the_lovehate_ed_mind_foodlife_is_thy/
---
I don't ever want to be in a space where I'm accelerating my death. I've been plenty suicidal, but as I like to say, 'We've already had one suicide in the family, so we've pretty much met our self-death quota. Anything past that would just be tryhard.'
I'm 115 at 5'6'' and I feel enormous. Enormous! And I know the people here, at least the band and not the bored onlookers, will get it, and not judge me for saying it. It's not a warcry for wanting compliment. It's the agony of the struggle. I starve, I c&s, I restrict, I MFP. I do what it takes to make the number go down. And then... there's food. There's the pull of life. And then... there's the regret. The, 'Why can't I.' The, 'What if I stayed alive. And it's honestly rooted in compulsion and obsession. A fucked up relationship that's never satiated. I fucking love the taste of a safe food. I fucking hate myself once I've overdone it. I have enough control that I never overdo it too much... except for when I'm menstruating. Fuck mother nature for her shameless fate of bloating the breasted sex, cursing us with the chore to bear child. Fuck mother nature for giving men the narrow hips.
I'm at my thinnest when I'm so fucking in love. When I'm sooooo in love, so wrapped up in the wonder of another magnificent human I connect to. It's then, in that state of mind that I cannot, for the life of me, consume food. That's when I'm floating, so focused on the magic moments of having met someone who gets me... I get them. They KNOW the art I'm into. The see the details, too. And we just emotionally coast. Indulge in our defiant outsider status. And that's when food and I part ways, and the pounds start going dowwwnnn. And I start looking so fucking awesome. Because there's no way I would want to poison my pure feelings with anything chemically altered, anything processed, even anything too much of from the ground.
But it's never sustainable. I hit the brink, and then life starts trying to make plans. I can't ever deny life.
I'm at an upswing. An enormous 115. My sister would give me a death stare for thinking that—the bubbly, pretty one; weight was never the first thing on her mind. My mom would probably quietly think of how to beat me at my own mind games to get her body in a tinier place.

---

[Rant/Rave] Pear body shape struggles
/u/lolobaggins2
Created: Tue Jul 10 21:26:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xw4x5/pear_body_shape_struggles/
---
When you're 5'9 with a pear build and you set your Jeans goal to 00's, even though you DAMN WELL know you'll never fit into them no matter how skinny you get..... (Not saying this about everyone with a pear build. Just myself.)

Tried on a 0 today and the legs fit but couldn't get them past my waist/thigh area. Anyone else struggle with this? Or pear builds in general?

[Also, cankles. I try on strappy sandals all the time and it looks like my ankles are gonna spill out of them constantly. Still trying to perfect that ankle workout
(Mine are hereditary unfortunately)]

---

[Rant/Rave] I can't believe I've relapsed again
/u/daddysrexibabygirl
Created: Tue Jul 10 21:22:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xw3v7/i_cant_believe_ive_relapsed_again/
---
I was doing so well. I stopped purging and was eating a better variety of foods (not just a limited amount of safe food), stopped obsessing over calories, and am in therapy. It sucks being triggered so easily. I just can't believe this disease still has a hold of me 16 years later. This time I feel like its gonna be the worst one.

---

[Discussion] Do any of you guys use oils on your skin?
/u/hypothermi_a
Created: Tue Jul 10 21:14:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xw20f/do_any_of_you_guys_use_oils_on_your_skin/
---
If so, what kind? What does it do? How about face masks? I’ve been thinking about trying some to keep my skin healthy and shit

---

Guys. What is the lowest calorie way to make tacos?
/u/EDthrowaway343
Created: Tue Jul 10 21:08:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xw0il/guys_what_is_the_lowest_calorie_way_to_make_tacos/
---
I really really want tacos. 99% lean turkey for the meat, obv, and lettuce and tomatoes are essentially negligible.

So what's the lowest calorie tortilla or tortilla substitute, and is there a low calorie cheese? Cause I want cheese.

---

[Help] How can I stop going above my calorie limit?
/u/cryingboi65
Created: Tue Jul 10 20:58:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvxwe/how_can_i_stop_going_above_my_calorie_limit/
---
I always find I eat more than the limit I set for myself and it makes me feel like a fatass,know any ways I can curve this?

---

[Discussion] Motivation?
/u/astro-punk
Created: Tue Jul 10 20:48:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvvd8/motivation/
---
I've been restricting most days (apart from like 4) under 1000 calories for the past month and I have only lost about 5lbs. I am starting to lose a little bit of motivation here. How do you all stay motivated?

---

[Discussion] Paid for eating disorder related stuff?
/u/Firerose157
Created: Tue Jul 10 20:43:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvu98/paid_for_eating_disorder_related_stuff/
---
Not sure if something this complex can be beneficial for making money lol. Just curious!

---

I am getting married in a month
/u/hh_lb
Created: Tue Jul 10 20:41:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvts8/i_am_getting_married_in_a_month/
---
and I am stuck in a binge phase. What do you to get out? Once I start fasting I'll be good and be able to get back in the groove but I'm in that awful self hatred binge phase. Am I alone?

---

Mirtazapine (remeron)
/u/nualala
Created: Tue Jul 10 20:38:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvsz5/mirtazapine_remeron/
---
Since being on this (+2 months) I've lost ~4kg by restricting to ~700 and lots of walking but occasional days where I messed up... But then for a few weeks I ate around 1200 or less and gained back ~1.5kg. I feel like I should be losing more, or at least not gaining😓 And I'm convinced it's the Mirtazapine. I've heard people gain a lot on it. So I'm wondering if the meds are biologically stopping me lose as fast as I want to, or if I'm just underestimating my intake? (Also I just lost the 1.5kg in a week of ~700 restriction so idk what's going on)

---

[Rant/Rave] I’m in a residential psych facility for a few months (not for ED) and it’s fueling my anorexia more than ever.
/u/gatechnightman
Created: Tue Jul 10 20:24:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvpcz/im_in_a_residential_psych_facility_for_a_few/
---
I told my therapist I struggle with eating and she didn’t take me seriously.

So I’ve lost 5 pounds in the last week and I’m eating less than 500 calories a day way too easily. My goal by the time I leave here (3 months) is to reach 100lbs (currently 130, 5’8”).

Maybe then my therapist and my mom will take me seriously. Plus, I’ll be so skinny and pretty!

---

[Goal] I went to the gym AND turned down an ex today
/u/spaghetti_girl
Created: Tue Jul 10 20:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvohk/i_went_to_the_gym_and_turned_down_an_ex_today/
---
well an almost ex. I met up with a friend from high school to catch up over coffee today. we had one of those weird almost things for multiple years until I started dating someone else. I thought my intentions were pretty clearly platonic but when I was about to leave he grabbed me and kissed me and asked if I wanted to come inside his apartment.

boy, BYE.

I have a workout schedule to stick to! I'm desperately trying to gain some semblance of self respect!

so that is todays update. day 4 is in the books. i should probably stop posting here every day, but this felt worthy.

stay strong out there, baddies 😘

---

[Goal] 20 pounds down ladiessss
/u/whatsupbitchezzz
Created: Tue Jul 10 20:12:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvmce/20_pounds_down_ladiessss/
---
https://i.redd.it/q6agmleg98911.png

---

[Rant/Rave] Fucking mess of a birthday
/u/PhoneWalletSanity
Created: Tue Jul 10 20:12:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvmbp/fucking_mess_of_a_birthday/
---
Ex finally decided to talk to me last night. To tell me that I was manipulative and abusive and broke him more than he has been in a long time and that's he's too nice to me and that he won't tell anyone how I awful I am to make sure no one hates me. And that's how I rang in my birthday; taking shit from him from 23.40 to 4.45 in the morning on my birthday and it only ended there because he decided he wanted to sleep.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

So I forced myself to make a plum-pear smoothie at work (it was super yum but obvs, I couldn't enjoy it) which came out to 450 calories that have powered me through 13000 steps, a shift at work and a pole class and yet, knowing that I'm well below my BMR and have burned quite a bit from everything else, I can bring myself to consume anything else.

Because even if everyone has told me that no matter what he says, I'm a good, wonderful human being, he echoed back all the darkest, self deprecating thoughts that go on in my head. And if someone else thinks all that as well, then it must be true, right...?

God, I can't fall into that hell hole I've only barely managed to get myself out of recently but my entire life is falling apart (the ex is one of my lesser worries tbh) but at least I don't know, I'll keep beautiful and dainty and weak instead of pretending to be strong and building muscle like I've been trying.

---

[Rant/Rave] These jeans are size 00!! I did NOT think they'd fit!
/u/Firerose157
Created: Tue Jul 10 20:09:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvlmh/these_jeans_are_size_00_i_did_not_think_theyd_fit/
---
https://i.redd.it/lqqrhkd398911.jpg

---

Great news guys! /s
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Tue Jul 10 20:00:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvjbz/great_news_guys_s/
---
My hips measure 43 inches. We think. The measuring tape only went to 40. So fuck me 🙄🙄

---

[Rant/Rave] Incompatible eating habits
/u/pinkdonutdemon
Created: Tue Jul 10 19:46:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvfvp/incompatible_eating_habits/
---
I’ve been staying with a friend for a few weeks and it is hell trying to stick to my routine and not binge when she’s around. I’ve literally had about 3 good days this whole time and the rest I’ve been guilted or pressured into eating way too much. Plus I can’t smoke here which is my lifeline and biggest food distraction.

How I live: doing literally anything that isn’t food related and keeping busy all day until I have to eat something, OMAD, fasting, restricting, weed

How she lives: life revolves around eating, buying and cooking food, always talking about her next meal, snacking and baking and grocery shopping, fast food, drinking cheap wine and soda every night

What triggers me most is that she encourages me to eat so fucking much but she just purges when she feels too full, and I sit there feeling fat and suicidal.

If I even so much as think about skipping a meal she gives me the “that’s unhealthy!!!! Starvation mode!!!” speech, though I’m pretty sure eating 5000+ calories a day and vomiting it up is way fucking worse for you than fasting. I don’t make comments about your habits so why are you monitoring mine. Just let me eat how I wanna eat and I’ll let you binge and purge every day.

Oh yeah I’m also paying for her groceries since she’s a little broke, which isn’t an issue, but I feel like she goes way overboard and instead of paying for ingredients we all use I’m paying for things we definitely don’t need. She makes a huge grocery list every few days even though we have tons of food and leftovers at home that just go to waste. Then makes huge batches of food that are obviously going to be put in the fridge and forgotten about. Like ughHhhh just fucking eat what you already have, you’re not going to starve if you don’t make 3 huge calorie laden dishes every day

Sorry for the shitty rude rant but I’m going crazy here

---

This is gross, but does anyone get a little incontinent when they fast or heavily restrict?
/u/InTheGecko
Created: Tue Jul 10 19:34:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvcxy/this_is_gross_but_does_anyone_get_a_little/
---
For as long as I can remember, I get almost uti-like symptoms whenever I fast or restrict below 200cals a day. Like, really need to pee to the point of not being able to hold back and only peeing a tiny amount when I do go. It burns too. I literally went to a doctor this week and he said I didn't have a UTI, so what the fuck is it? I've had this happen since I was like 14 and I'm 22 now.

Anyone else out there like me?

I notice the symptoms lessen or disappear when I drink an ungodly amount of water

---

[Help] Workout routines
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Tue Jul 10 19:30:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvbtr/workout_routines/
---
Does anyone know of good work out routines to lose more weight? Or even thin out legs and arms workouts?

I need something to stick by and make it a habit so I lose more weight.

---

Dreaming of how much I would lose from having organs removed
/u/theliberalpedestrian
Created: Tue Jul 10 19:30:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xvbsp/dreaming_of_how_much_i_would_lose_from_having/
---
Like, a person only needs 1 kidney right? Appendix is trash anyway. Part of my liver could go.

Joking, mostly

---

[Discussion] Thinspo
/u/sylas69
Created: Tue Jul 10 19:09:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xv6f0/thinspo/
---
Does anyone else look at thinspo and think “that’s not skinny enough”? Even if it’s like impossible for a human to be even skinnier than that? It scares me because if the skinniest human possible isn’t as skinny as I want to be like... when am I going to be satisfied with my weight? Does anyone else feel like this?

---

I want to be small enough that guys can pick me up
/u/fortunefeaster
Created: Tue Jul 10 18:50:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xv121/i_want_to_be_small_enough_that_guys_can_pick_me_up/
---
When I was at my lowest weight, guys would pick me up all the time! (Often without asking) Is it wrong to miss that? There's something so satisfying about being so petite that they can just scoop you up and throw you all around without straining. Sorry if this is weird lol it's a major goal of mine

---

I think hunger is my addiction....
/u/shrirnpheavennow
Created: Tue Jul 10 18:35:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xux82/i_think_hunger_is_my_addiction/
---
Sorry, I'm like brand new here but I've struggled against EDNOS my whole life binging, purging, restriction, just the whole shebang. I've always been more partial to binging which lead to me being supremely over weight. I lost a decent chunk of weight restricting hardcore, 750cals a day and running for up to 2 hours. Unfortunately I binged that weight all back on but I've recently lost weight in a really healthy way but my life is just super overwhelmingly stressful. I really don't have time to eat between being at work for 9 hours a day and then going to school for 3 hours after work and I've been getting some really intense hunger pangs and it feels like a drug. I'm mega hungry right now and all I want to do is not eat for the next two days

---

[Help] Am I faking it?
/u/littlegoldsmith
Created: Tue Jul 10 18:24:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xuug9/am_i_faking_it/
---
I spent a while as anorexic, became weight restored, went back to restricting, started eating meals and feeling good for the first time in three years, noticed I gained more weight than I’m allowed, found the holy grail of eating disorders. Bulimia.

I now weigh 119lbs, I’m 5’3 and binge purge every night. I don’t think my eating disorder is bad or even an eating disorder anymore. I feel physically healthy and fine, my teeth are great as confirmed by my dentist and I’m no longer losing weight just maintaining. (Wouldn’t mind weighing a nice 100lbs but we’ll see 🙃)

So if I wasn’t binge purging I feel like I’d be 100% okay? It doesn’t feel bad or wrong just like a nice little release.

Is anyone else in this weird limbo? I see stories of people going decades with bulimia and they’re fine so I guess I can live like this for a while?

---

Waist trainers?
/u/HerculesMulligan26
Created: Tue Jul 10 18:09:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xuqav/waist_trainers/
---
Has anyone had any experience with waist trainers good or bad? Have they helped with shaped or made you less hungry? Do you have any favorites?

---

[Discussion] DAE hate wearing shorts and tank tops?
/u/clownentine
Created: Tue Jul 10 17:47:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xukov/dae_hate_wearing_shorts_and_tank_tops/
---
I've always hated wearing tank tops since I was a child but shorts have become a new hatred of mine. Whenever I sit down I can *see* my thighs get bigger and it's... disgusting. I tend to never wear shorts outside of the house, no matter how hot it is. I dunno if this is just a me thing or not, though, haha

---

[Help] People noticed my weight loss (need advice)
/u/KrustyKup
Created: Tue Jul 10 17:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xuir8/people_noticed_my_weight_loss_need_advice/
---
What do you guys tell ppl when they mention you’ve lost weight?

I don’t want people to think I’m trying or anything idk. I graduated college last May so I’ve been saying something along the lines of “not drinking 4 times a week and eating all that pizza will do wonders for you!”. But I feel like I can only use this excuse for so long.

---

[Rant/Rave] Accidental panty raid
/u/handzies
Created: Tue Jul 10 17:27:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xuf5z/accidental_panty_raid/
---
I did not know what to tag this, if verbal diarreah was a tag, that would be the one.

I've been very sick, maybe pregnant and adamantly binging for the past couple weeks ¯\(ツ)/¯ gotta love a good phase. But something just snapped me right the heck out of it.

Like I was drifting focusing my energy on parts of my life that need it badly then suddenly I pull out the dryer some one of victorias secrets that dont belong to me. Victoria never told me this secret. Its an XS pair of her underware. Just the tiniest thong you've ever seen mixed in with my laundry. And like a sword from a stone there my ED was to tag me back in.

My neighbor didnt notice my laundry in the dryer and tossed hers on top of mine. Shes a tiny scuessful medical professional. Blonde pony tailed, blue eyed, cute extra small underwear wearing neighbor. I went through the laundry, placing my beaten small/mediums in one pile and her pretty stylish extra small clothing in another. It was like sorting your old barbie clothes from your much superior brat doll clothes.

Now I'm sitting on my floor having a thought about it. A trip really. I know I'm jealous, but that ED part of me is screaming I could be in her league if I could just stop eating so dang much.

Side note, I'm super not ready to be (maybe) pregnant and ed brain says not eating could fix that also.

Oh gosh goodie golly what a panty touching mess I am

---

[Help] So I have a date tomorrow and he wants to get dinner before the show.
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Tue Jul 10 17:19:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xucxc/so_i_have_a_date_tomorrow_and_he_wants_to_get/
---
How soon is too soon to ask what restaurant so i can look up their nutrition info and panic over what to order & how do i ask that question in a way that doesn't sound weird because im trying to project the image of being chill & nonchalant while i scream internally all the time

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else's anorexia the only thing that's keeping them here? [TW]
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Tue Jul 10 17:14:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xubom/is_anyone_elses_anorexia_the_only_thing_thats/
---
I've been suicidal and depressed ever since I can remember. I've been through so much shit, and the only thing that's keeping me motivated to stay alive is to lose weight. To set goals and pour all I can into it.

I was very close to ending it just now. But instead, I made a plan for how to lose as much weight as I can in 2 1/2 weeks, bc I want to lose as much as I can for a festival. Ab exercises and a little bit of weights every day, restrict to 400 and an hour of cardio 5 times a week. I know it's rough, and it's probably going to make me faint almost daily, but it's better than actually dying.

It might sound insane, but if it wasn't for my eating disorder, I wouldn't do shit. Anorexia is the only thing that gets me out of bed to move, the only thing that prevents me from wasting all my money on food delivery, the only thing that makes me look forward to a future where I am better. In a way, I am glad this happened to me. It's not healthy, of course, but in a way I'm happier than I used to without this.. and I don't know how to feel about it.

---

[Help] Fav low or 0kcal drinks? (Not sparking water.)
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Tue Jul 10 17:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xuauk/fav_low_or_0kcal_drinks_not_sparking_water/
---
Recommendations plz!


*Already on my list:*

Diet Snapple

Gatorade Zero

Bai Antioxidant Drinks

Tea/Matcha

---

[Intro] Hi, I’m dontlickit
/u/DontLickIt88
Created: Tue Jul 10 17:10:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xuan3/hi_im_dontlickit/
---
Hey, I’m Tanze (rhymes with pansy, but not my real name lol)

I’m almost 30, have had this stupid disease since I was around 11 (but I had disordered eating as long as I can remember). 11 is when I definitely remember actively choosing to engage in specific ed behaviors. I’ve flip flopped several times between anorexia, bulimia, OSFED and BED - as people who have been at this for a long time now do. I’m mostly bulimic these days with my days of fasting and heavy calorie restriction - so OSFED I guess. Haven’t gotten a real diagnosis since college and that was bulimia - so yeah.

In other news, I’m in grad school to be a counselor, so that’s something. I like to run, and I’ve ran a half marathon earlier this year and I’m running another one in September.

It’s nice to meet all of you! Feel free to ask me questions, I’m mostly an open book.

---

[Rant/Rave] So I just looked back at my Fitbit Aria scale logins ..
/u/ifinkufreaky0
Created: Tue Jul 10 17:03:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xu8ib/so_i_just_looked_back_at_my_fitbit_aria_scale/
---
And I saw 136lbs, 24% body fat.
Now? 154lbs, 34% body fat.
Please someone take away the chips and wine so I can lose this weight 😞

---

Unpopular Opinion about seeing EDs in others
/u/cortizonegnome
Created: Tue Jul 10 16:45:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xu3ip/unpopular_opinion_about_seeing_eds_in_others/
---
Ok idk how this will go bc it seems a decent amt of this community tends to do what I'm about to say and I really like y'all and being here in general so I'm gonna preface this by saying I'm sincerely not trying to @anyone. it's just something that's been bugging me.

can we stop pushing our insecurities on other people:/ since a lot of us share themes of restriction or in the very least wanting to change our outer appearance we tend to pin our /r/proed labels onto ppl who fast or count calories and it's like..,it's Not the same thing it Really isn't. I'm certain there Are people in those subs that are "in denial" but I'd bet most of those people are genuinely restricting with a healthy mindset. that is restricting in a way that perhaps does Affect their live but is not controlling it. it just feels very hoity toity (totally not spelling that right) when we really smugly suggest that others have an ED just bc they make a statement abt running out of calories that day in a hyperbolic manner and then pat ourselves on the back for our Sherlock-ing. idk I'm not organizing my thoughts right sorry I just really don't like it when ppl accuse me of things when I'm not and it rubs me wrong to see the influx of ppl suggesting others have EDs when they perhaps share like 5% of the neuroses

---

[Discussion] Today I was at PHP and...
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Tue Jul 10 16:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xu2e8/today_i_was_at_php_and/
---
We were talking about addiction and lies addicts tell themselves such as, “I’m not sick enough” or, “I can’t live without this.” And I told the nurse leading it that they all sounded like things ED patients would say. To which they agreed and said addictions are more than substances.
Also I finally got around my meal plan today, skipped dinner since the fam is out and I was able to drink a lot of prune juice too.

---

[Help] I’m going to have little control for the entire weekend and I’m terrified
/u/angsty_unistudent
Created: Tue Jul 10 16:33:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xu0gc/im_going_to_have_little_control_for_the_entire/
---
I’m going home for the weekend for my friends birthday which means I’ll be staying with my parents - it also means my mum is going to be cooking dinner that I have to eat for three nights. I am terrified. I’ve been on a complete fast for three days now to try and mitigate the harm.

I think my action plan is that I’m just going to offer to cook for everyone as often as I can. At least then I’ll know what’s in the food. My mum likes to use things like oil and full fat ingredients. Ooooh no.

---

Somebody just told me I look thinner!!!
/u/queseyoqueyoquese
Created: Tue Jul 10 16:22:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xtxb9/somebody_just_told_me_i_look_thinner/
---
It's already showing! I still feel like a cow but I'm just happy about it, that's all. (should probably update my banner)

---

forced inpatient?
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Tue Jul 10 16:09:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xtts1/forced_inpatient/
---
so i have my first medical exam appointment with a new ED clinic in a few days. they said they only force inpatient if someone is deemed medically unstable or a "threat to themselves or others" which is kinda vague and it makes me nervous. does anyone know what exactly they mean by this? i know they look at your blood work and last time i saw my results my potassium was low. i reallyyy dont want to end up in inpatient :/

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[Rant/Rave] Can opener is missing
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Tue Jul 10 16:09:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xttmt/can_opener_is_missing/
---
So one of my roommates has misplaced my can opener and I hadn't eaten in over 20 hours so I was starving and trying everything I could to get a can of soup open, but for some reason it was, like, impossible! Nothing I tried worked and I exhausted myself completely, both mentally and physically, trying to get that can open! Finally, this girl who is subletting a room from one of my roommates walked in and offered me her can opener. Thankfully she said I can just go through her bag of kitchen stuff and grab it whenever I need it. It has been such a long time since I've been so happy to finally eat something. I have never had to work so hard for my food. I feel like I could use a nap.

---

[Rant/Rave] I’m so hungry
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Tue Jul 10 16:04:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xts8w/im_so_hungry/
---
Ate under 200 cals yesterday and on the right track to doing the same for today - to make up for an awful binge weekend.....my tummy hurts

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[Rant/Rave] was losing motivation
/u/fragilmountain
Created: Tue Jul 10 16:04:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xts3h/was_losing_motivation/
---
but i walked into my friends house and her mom said it looked like i lost a lot of weight!!!! gosh i’m so happy. i never knew such a simple sentence could be so nice to hear. over 24 hours into my fast and not even hungry.

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36 year old man who only posts in NSFW subs and probably knows I’m a 15 year old girl because I’ve said it on this account in the past
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Tue Jul 10 16:03:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xtrwu/36_year_old_man_who_only_posts_in_nsfw_subs_and/
---
https://i.redd.it/dszgczj917911.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Obsessing in the mirror and more (long)
/u/Myrrsha
Created: Tue Jul 10 16:00:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xtqxx/obsessing_in_the_mirror_and_more_long/
---
Hi, I don't have an ED but I figured there would be people here that can relate.

I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror when I pass one; lifting my shirt, turning side to side, sucking in as much as possible and telling myself that I need to be thinner than that (for reference, I have a BMI of 22, body fat % of 24, and 15 lbs is dedicated to my boobs lol) and I feel horrible. This wave of depression will sink over me, sometimes it feels worse than remembering my trauma (I was a child sex slave for 5 years starting when I was 8, being tied down and having photos taken of me, coupled with other abuse I developed DID when I was 4 and developed schizophrenia sometime in elementary school) and I curl up in bed and think about how much I hate myself. I get freaked out about what I eat and how much, then I fall into this cycle of binging and then hating myself and restricting and trying to fast for the rest of the day and then the next day as well. I was a welder before I got laid off, and I'd binge so much and feel bad for it, but it was such a labor intensive job that I couldn't eat as low as I wanted to. I constantly ask my fiancé what my body looks like, I compare myself to others, and even though I'm embarrassed by my fat, I suck in as much as possible near people and flaunt a little, even though I hate myself. I keep getting these panic attacks about thinking I'm going to gain weight and throw all my food away. I can't restrict or fast easily because my fiancé is strict about me eating enough. I do exercise and try to eat as good as I can (haven't had a soda in about a year, I live off green tea) but then I get discouraged and convinced that it doesn't matter and binge all over again. My time as a self harmer has whittled away at my willpower, and I have none left. I even tried purging once but I couldn't do it. I just want to not eat for days and cut my skin, and also using my self harm as a tool to punish me for eating. I'm already on 6 medications for my DID and schizophrenia, and I rejoice when the dosage is increased because it suppresses my appetite. Idk sorry this is long and bad formatting, but my schizophrenia makes it hard to tie ideas together and organizing them in a way that others can make sense of.

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[Other] When you’re trying to be real low key about your ED
/u/CassTheUltimateBA
Created: Tue Jul 10 15:42:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xtlit/when_youre_trying_to_be_real_low_key_about_your_ed/
---
Me- “Hey mom do you got any cleaner around here? For like the bathroom.... my sink is a wreck from when I dyed my hair.... and uh the you know bathtub too..maybe the toilet”

She was to busy to even put two and two together, but goddamn was it so painfully obvious. I don’t want her to know obvious she knows about my past, but not that I’ve HARD relapsed.

On the bright side my toilet is looking shiny clean tho

---

Great, SO ITS NOT EVEN RIGHT!
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Tue Jul 10 15:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xtjwc/great_so_its_not_even_right/
---
this is a fucking ridiculous complaint but i finally got the courage to weigh myself today, then 2 hours later took THREE large shits so its not even accurate, but i already drank like three litres of water so i cant weigh myself again, and who knows when i'll be confident enough to weigh myself next, FUCK!

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[Other] Things that make me feel fat
/u/halostop
Created: Tue Jul 10 15:26:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xtgyz/things_that_make_me_feel_fat/
---
Turns out just about everything makes me "feel fat":

* Being tired
* Having greasy hair
* Breaking out
* Being clumsy
* Slouching
* Making mistakes
* Being socially awkward
* Sweating

(hey, just visiting -- deleted my account a few months ago, but I've been having a hard time in recovery the past few weeks)

---

[Other] Do any other girls here only have male friends? o-o
/u/kpatable
Created: Tue Jul 10 15:02:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xt9ta/do_any_other_girls_here_only_have_male_friends_oo/
---
I feel weird/bad about it sometimes. I have had female friends in the past, but now all of my friends are guys. And I know a big part of that is because I feel really insecure and/or competitive around other girls. A reason I love this community is because it's a way for me to connect with other girls and women without having to look at them - and instantly notice every way they are "better" than I am. I really dislike that I'm like this; I really want to have female friends in person. Any advice would be appreciated, but I'd just as much like to hear the experiences of any of you who are in a similar situation.

---

[Rant/Rave] Small victory at the cafeteria!
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Tue Jul 10 14:59:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xt8qa/small_victory_at_the_cafeteria/
---
I didn’t have any food to bring with me for lunch at my house and I’ve been anxiously eyeing the cafeteria food for weeks. Even though they list the calorie counts, everything seems scary and makes me nervous because it all seems so high calorie. But I did it. I ordered real food for lunch at the cafeteria without panicking or crying or anything. It seems silly and I know it is, but it’s a little victory for me and I’m proud of it.

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eating with friend??? aaaaaaaaaaa
/u/damnitjanet6
Created: Tue Jul 10 14:59:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xt8kp/eating_with_friend_aaaaaaaaaaa/
---
panic mode initiated holy fuck

haven't seen my best friend for months and he's asked me round for dinner with his family on saturday, and wants to know what i want to eat so he can grab it from the grocery store he's at right now. my mind has just gone totally blank. i was planning a binge on thursday this week because I have a job interview and i needed something to push me through it and i'll be in town where there's this super great sushi place that i've always wanted to try and i was going to go in and have a sad lonely binge and buy like £20 of food for myself. and now i'm panicking cos i don't want to not see my friend because i haven't seen any other people who aren't my parents in like a month and i'm lonely as fuck but i don't want the calories on top of the binge but i can't change my plan i've been planning this binge for weeeeeks and i don't know what to tell him and he's waiting for a reply i am D Y I N G inside

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Weight should be SUCH a logical thing but somehow IT KEEPS DOING WEIRD SHIT
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Tue Jul 10 14:57:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xt88j/weight_should_be_such_a_logical_thing_but_somehow/
---
I went into three days of not counting calories. One day I completely overate on cookies and oreos, one day I went over 1000, one day I drank so much alcohol I was at least at a 1000 aswell. I was 57.7 earlier this week, before the 'binge' I was 59.2. I hadn't been exercising and thought, oh well, maybe that's legit. I was expecting something similar on the scale today.

This evening, I step on the scale. 57.0. My lowest weight ever. WHAT THE FUCK

I thought I understood weight and my body and shit but turns out I don't. What the fuck.

---

[Rant/Rave] My five year school reunion is triggering me.
/u/whereismaimind
Created: Tue Jul 10 14:54:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xt76y/my_five_year_school_reunion_is_triggering_me/
---
I’ve done fairly well about keeping my disordered eating in line recently. I’ve been consistently losing weight, just a lot slower than usual. Doing it the healthy way (healthy enough way) is hard because my brain is very much so “all or nothing”.

Anyways, my five year high school reunion is coming up in less than three weeks. After months of getting my shit together I feel the disordered eating spiraling out of control yet again.

I just want to be thinner before everyone sees me.

My anxiety is through the roof because I’m the same size I was in high school, and that’s not very thin. I just want to be hot. I want everyone to notice how much I’ve changed. I’ve lost 20lbs, but nobody there will realize that because I’m the same weight I was in high school.

I’ve been purging more often and restricting again. I hate feeling this way but I just NEED to lose more weight before it gets here.

---

[Other] I'm so fucking hungry!
/u/theskinnyis
Created: Tue Jul 10 14:53:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xt70s/im_so_fucking_hungry/
---
I feel shaky and defeated like I just had a good workout. But that's good bc at least I'm burning calories. I can't WAIT until dinner. I'm doing one meal a day and yesterday I had a candy in the morning since I got it with a package, but today I've had nothing besides water & diet a&w. Dinner is at 6pm (an hour or so) at the earliest and I'm ready for some salsa and chips honestly 😭

---

Binged for the first time...
/u/Mbvalie
Created: Tue Jul 10 14:41:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xt3bs/binged_for_the_first_time/
---
I went on new medication recently and stopped feeling hungry. Now it's coming back, so my month-long accidental restriction is harder to hold on to. It wasn't too bad--but still, way more than I'm used to.

Now I'm back to heavy restrictions for three days. I'm very, very lazy so I don't expect myself to work it out any time soon, but I'll drink a crapton of water and keep the food intake minimal. Hopefully it's going to make restriction easy for me again.

---

[Help] Going through a weird on/off time
/u/-teaqueen-
Created: Tue Jul 10 14:38:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xt2i1/going_through_a_weird_onoff_time/
---
Some days I restrict and I get super into it for a week. Then I’ll eat whatever I want for a couple days. Then back to restricting. How do I keep myself just restricting? My boyfriend eats junk food and it’s so hard not to join him, even though I barely enjoy junk food... I just want to be thin. I lost 5 pounds but I need to lose 20 more or so. I’m so frustrated with this cycle.

---

[Intro] Welcome to the recovery version of spacewhale88
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Tue Jul 10 14:33:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xt0wu/welcome_to_the_recovery_version_of_spacewhale88/
---
I am giving recovery a go bc I don't want bulimia to kill me. I've been trying to eat 3 meals for the last few days and I've been finding that planning g to eat this much is just a pain in the ass. I had a huge healthy salad at lunch and then went to a consignment shop where I bought a gorgeous dress. But I feel like shit. The dress fit perfectly but is a size 14. I lost 33 lbs since last year and now wear a 12, no longer a 14. But its ruining my day. It's a Cynthia Rowley dress and I'm just trying to convince myself this brand runs small but part of me now doesn't feel like I've made any progress. I mean 33lbs down and I'm still in the same size?!? This is bullshit and I want to skip dinner but since I'm trying recovery I k ow I should eat. I'm just terrified of not losing weight.

---

Gotta Make This Summer Count [Goal]
/u/Baby_Witch
Created: Tue Jul 10 14:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xszgc/gotta_make_this_summer_count_goal/
---
I've been on summer vacation for about three weeks, and so far I've accomplished none of the things I wanted to due to my own laziness. I'm listing a series of goals, only some of which are related to my ED, so if this gets deleted I understand, I just want a place where I can list them out that's semi-public. If you have any summer goals feel free to list them down below

-I will lose at least 10 pounds, preferably 20
-I will go the whole summer without eating more than 1,500 calories a day
-I will draw at least three times a week
-I will read every day for at least half an hour
-I will get the studying done in order of what I want to do least to most (math, history, chemistry)
-I will exercise for at least ten minutes every day
-I'm going to not waste more then an hour on the computer each day

---

[Help] Is there any way I can relieve my parents anxiety and keep them from obsessing over what I eat??
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Tue Jul 10 14:04:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xsrs8/is_there_any_way_i_can_relieve_my_parents_anxiety/
---
My parents have been very attentive of what I've been eating thus far because they've noticed that I am underweight and havent had my period in 8 months. My mother is especially worried about the period part because she heard someone say the absence of one messes up your entire hormonal cycle (we had a long conversation about this and it didn't end well). They insist that I eat lots of fatty foods in order to raise my cholesterol levels to a healthy level (mine is almost nonexistent), and the fact that we are currently vacationing at our summer lakehouse together doesnt make anything better.. I cant get away from them even though I know they want the best for me. Is there any way I can make them stop being so attentive and leave me be? Talking with them can't help anymore ;-;

---

[Goal] Do you think 90 lbs is a realistic goal for someone who's 5'6?
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Tue Jul 10 13:56:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xsp1p/do_you_think_90_lbs_is_a_realistic_goal_for/
---

---

I'm officially at my lowest weight since middle school!
/u/tjking333
Created: Tue Jul 10 13:46:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xsm1b/im_officially_at_my_lowest_weight_since_middle/
---
I can't update my flair right now, but I'm down to 117lbs which I haven't weighed since I was about 12 years old. Ten years! I'm only 2lbs from my first goal which is so exciting. My actual goal is just over the bend. I never thought I could actually get this far after failing so many times.

#blessed

---

[Rant/Rave] pocky!
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Tue Jul 10 13:30:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xsh99/pocky/
---
i got pocky today. the whole fucking box is ~350 calories. and it’s chocolate! anyways i love them :) it’s a nice safe food

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[Other] I'm not purging anymore
/u/thinraindrop
Created: Tue Jul 10 13:09:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xsao0/im_not_purging_anymore/
---
So, I feel like i have to share this with you since so many of us do purge or use lax.

I live on my own, and yesterday I had the scariest night of my life.

I regularly took lax, about 2/3 times a week. I also vommit but i was trying to keep that to a minimum. Yesterday however, i purged my dinner and right after that the lax i took kicked in.

Now for the scary part:
My feet started to feel numb at first. I decided to walk around my house a bit but got out of breath. I felt my heart and it was beating very soft and slow. I started to get very bad vision and had to lay down. My arms started hurting and I could no longer feel my hands or face. I called my mom, who took me to her place where i spend the night. I had a fever, so my mom and sister where sure i just got sick or something. I didn't tell them what i did before it all happened.

So, i never went to a doctor but luckily i am feeling okay now, just a little sore, but i really felt i would die last night. I had a full blown panic attack.

I am never, ever purging again. Ever.

---

[Rant/Rave] Concerts are a huge trigger for me
/u/dyingtobepretty
Created: Tue Jul 10 13:06:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xs9vd/concerts_are_a_huge_trigger_for_me/
---
and I’m going to see my all time favorite band live in 10 days. I’ve been restricting so I don’t feel completely disgusted in my body, and I still have 10 days to lose a little more of the bloat that comes with eating anything, so I’m actually NOT freaking out about wearing skimpy clothing. It feels so nice! :)

I’m a little worried someone’s going to make me eat when we’re all together, because we’ll be together for 2 whole days in a big city where they’ll be wanting to eat out every night. But I think I have the perfect plan: I’m gonna tell them I’m using those 2 days as a water fast and say I’m doing it because I don’t like spending all my money on fast food and that’s all we’ll be getting, and because I’ve been wanting to do one for a while but didn’t have the self control at home (so, a total lie). I told 1 of them that already and she said “That’s a good idea! and that way, you won’t have to worry about being bloated at the concert, I know how bad fast food makes your belly feel!” so I think I’m in the clear!!

I’m already drinking more water than usual and I’m gonna continue doing that. I’ll bring some nuts and dried fruit, just because I’ll be drinking and on psychedelics, so I’ll need something on my stomach.

Anyone have any other tips to help me survive this?

---

Vanity sizing
/u/i-want-to-be-little
Created: Tue Jul 10 12:31:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xryys/vanity_sizing/
---
I love Old Navy shorts because they’re inexpensive and the quality is good enough considering I usually have to buy new sizes within the next year anyway. At my highest weight, I was a 10 in their shorts. Then I got down to an 8 pretty quickly. Then once the 8s started falling off, I bought 2s... and now I just bought a new set of size 0 shorts. It’s pretty cool that I dropped five clothing sizes, and that in itself is a feat worth celebrating, but I’m not sure whether I’m just a vanity-sized 0 or a real 0.

Shit, man, I just hate that clothing stores trick you into thinking you’re smaller than you really are.

---

Feeling like a terrible daughter
/u/cutetinytroll
Created: Tue Jul 10 12:22:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xrwal/feeling_like_a_terrible_daughter/
---
For the past three years I’ve done restrictive eating and purging my food out of guilt after I eat. But in the past month it’s become really bad and every single thing I eat I force out. In comparison to the past where I would eat small but not purge for weeks at a time and then have a bad week or two where I’d lose control. my boyfriend has always been very worried and supportive of me and we have been talking about and planning telling my dad about my ed. A couple days ago I was feeling extra bad and I just told him everything. I didn’t give out too much detail but I told him the main things and he took it very well and he wasnt sad or upset he told me that I shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed. He later told my mom over the phone because she’s out of the country right now.. she didn’t take it well. she cried for days and she wanted to come back but my dad talked her out of it.

Yesterday he talked to me about options and he said I could go see a therapist or nutritionist. Which I agreed to and he told me he really wants me to get better and that he loves me. I’m very close to my dad and I can’t explain this feeling but I feel as if I can’t eat better because even if I could, I don’t want to. I feel terrible because I know he’s worried but I don’t want to get better and now I’m going to go to all these things as an attempt to get better and he’s paying money for it all while I know I don’t want to get better. I just feel terrible and wish I didn’t feel/think this way

---

Lost five pounds?!
/u/dootdootoops
Created: Tue Jul 10 12:15:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xru41/lost_five_pounds/
---
So I was at 125.6ish, I weigh myself every day, and I kept bouncing from 123 back to 125. Finally hit 120 even. It feels so great. I’m still nervous it’s just water weight, but I might be able to get below that soon.

A bit anxious because my boyfriend wants to get pizza and that’s a *ton* of calories. I go home soon to visit family for my birthday and get my braces adjusted, and I get a new piercing soon. Hopefully I can get away with eating minimal, I know I can’t skimp on the piercing as I’m a bleeder with low pain tolerance anyway.

Hopefully it can keep going down and I don’t end up eating too many calories by the end of the week.

---

"That doesn't sound filling!"
/u/trolldoll26
Created: Tue Jul 10 12:12:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xrt29/that_doesnt_sound_filling/
---
I was Snapchatting with my friend and sent her a picture of my apple and Coke Zero.

She asked if that was all I was having for lunch because that "doesn't sound filling".

Well. I mean...it isn't...but I'm going to a bachelorette weekend in a month and I refuse to be the biggest girl there.

So until then, I'm going to push the boundaries of my restriction powers.

It's always weirdly alarming when a regular person genuinely asks if that's all I'm having for lunch. She has no idea that I struggle with food-she thinks that I've been on a "health" kick.

---

[Rant/Rave] No binging!!
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Tue Jul 10 12:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xrsdp/no_binging/
---
Normally if I eat before noon something triggers me to immediately binge. Well, I ate at 9am today (2 small apples) and no binge! And I have no desire to! I was forced to eat Jersey Mike's for lunch (thanks Dad), but I got the lowest calorie "sub in a tub" (highly recommend, most are under 300 calories) and some baked Lays, and it still only brings my total to under 700 calories for the day. I'm allowing myself 1,000 today since I've been really heavily restricting for the past week. It just feels really good to have possibly kicked my occasional binging habit 👍🏽

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[Help] I want to remake a salad dressing with fewer calories.
/u/dortuh
Created: Tue Jul 10 12:03:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xrq3h/i_want_to_remake_a_salad_dressing_with_fewer/
---
Tldr; need a replacement for vegan mayo with less calories.

It's a delicious jalapeno cilantro lime dressing and the two high calorie things in it is 2 cups of vegan mayo and an ounce of agave. The agave can stay cause I'm sure I can't do better there, but maybe at some point I'll experiment with taking it out.

Anyway, I want to keep it vegan. I once made it a raw dressing by using cashews, but my daughter is allergic.
What's a low fat, still vegan thing I could replace the Mayo with?

---

[Rant/Rave] Guess who’s back and better than ever????
/u/hibyelxsa
Created: Tue Jul 10 12:00:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xrpcx/guess_whos_back_and_better_than_ever/
---
It me !!!!! I’ve been on a major binge cycle and have gained 10 lbs. Not much purging at all tbh. Took ephedrine for the first time in a long time today and i am fucking pacing and shaking and i have family visiting and im sure theyre all long wtf is wrong with this bitch. Oh well. I dont care. I wanna go back to how i was. I wanna eat ~500 calories a day, i need to stop fucking eating. In my binge cycle i totally ate meat and cheese and I have been an ethical vegan for 2 and a half years idk whats wrong with me. But i also just like dont care ??? Idk. This is deffs a random rant and not at all interesting but im trying to get back into the community.

GET THE BREAD OUT OF MY HOUSE.

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[Rant/Rave] Gave into cravings and binged ugh
/u/crankyhedgiebutt
Created: Tue Jul 10 11:58:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xroke/gave_into_cravings_and_binged_ugh/
---
So I ate a shit ton of cookies after craving them for DAYS. I had halo top yesterday and multigrain chips (I don’t do carbs a lot) and it didn’t kill the cravings. And had wine :/

So I bought cookies after I got a pedicure. They were fucking delicious and everything I hoped. But of course guilt sets in. I want to lose the rest of my body fat and am so close I can feel it but hate that I may have fucked that up. I guess I should just exercise it off now? Fuck my life man. This restricting of carbs and other delicious things is so hard. But I couldn’t not give in this time. I feel like I killed he craving but just ate a shit ton of sugar and calories and carbs. Ughh I feel fucked.

Who else gave in today?

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[Discussion] i wish this is how restaurants actually worked :(
/u/lucaaa7
Created: Tue Jul 10 11:43:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xrjpt/i_wish_this_is_how_restaurants_actually_worked/
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https://www.eater.com/2018/7/10/17510964/restaurants-eating-disorders-clean-plates-triggering-language

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[Rant/Rave] I miss being alone for fucked up reasons
/u/obama_means_family
Created: Tue Jul 10 11:29:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xreu0/i_miss_being_alone_for_fucked_up_reasons/
---
I spent a little over a year alone spiraling down before eventually diving headfirst into my disordered eating as a means of gaining control over some part of my life and hopefully to hate my body less eventually (there are some good days now which is better than before). Now I'm romantically satisfied but it's throwing my ED into havoc. I'm either super picky and eat only safe foods while restricting and have off limits food on specific special days... Or I binge food I don't even like/want and purge bc it wasn't worth it (I have to love food to be worth it and even then the guilt can still ruin it). Eating out with friends as normal (and eating more to not let on to my bf that I don't eat has lead to binging at home bc I feel stuck in *EAT* mode. And I can't just turn it off bc if I do I'd basically have to cut off my bf and there's no need to do that when I can easily low restrict all the time when he leaves for school again in the fall. So I guess I just have to either put off my goals or start working out more to compensate or find some other way to get the calories out? I'm worried I'm just gonna resort to purging again bc it's happened 3 times now in the last week and I was clean for a month and a half before that. I know it's awful for my health and I honestly wish I could have a happy relationship and also restrict openly.

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[Intro] Stoked to find my people! Oh and I just got Peach
/u/stickbug77
Created: Tue Jul 10 11:27:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xreco/stoked_to_find_my_people_oh_and_i_just_got_peach/
---
I’m coming over from 1200 and have been lurking for a good week. Needless to say I dumped 1200 lol

I just downloaded Peach and am still figuring it all out. I’ll be adding people from recent threads

I’m stickbug. Feel free to add me :)

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[Rant/Rave] Finally got the courage to weigh myself
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Tue Jul 10 11:26:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xre3l/finally_got_the_courage_to_weigh_myself/
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And I'm 111lbs. Not a happy number for me honestly, but it means I lost 6lbs in the last 9 days, so if I keep doing what I'm doing I should reach 105 again in another 9 days. 100-105 is my happy place where I'm actually kind of okay with my body, so there's that. Have a nice day everyone :)

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Kombucha is life
/u/diabloglobelily
Created: Tue Jul 10 10:59:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xr4ih/kombucha_is_life/
---
50 cals for a whole bottle of GT’s trilogy. I just sip on it when I’m at work and I never need to eat when I drink it. Plus probiotics and Polyphenols so it’s healthy right?

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[Rant/Rave] lost 1kg overnight
/u/sepibad
Created: Tue Jul 10 09:58:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xqi1w/lost_1kg_overnight/
---
celebrated with a binge

^^why

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Does heating up stuff increase calories?
/u/r1cecream-
Created: Tue Jul 10 09:51:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xqft2/does_heating_up_stuff_increase_calories/
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If so, by how much?

If i microwave a slice of cheese, would that have same calorie impact as me eating it cold? What about cooked vs non coo ked food?

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Me: Obsessively memorized the BMI health ranges for my height so I know when to call myself "fat" instead of just "ugly" Also me: meditate! life is beautiful! you're beautiful!
/u/justletmedieinpeace
Created: Tue Jul 10 09:46:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xqdyt/me_obsessively_memorized_the_bmi_health_ranges/
---

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DAE make a zillion goals at night and not follow through the next day?
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Tue Jul 10 09:43:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xqd2a/dae_make_a_zillion_goals_at_night_and_not_follow/
---
I'm so sick of my bullshit.

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I am getting my teeth professionally whitened very soon after years of self consciousness!
/u/BadLifePLanner
Created: Tue Jul 10 08:51:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xpuv5/i_am_getting_my_teeth_professionally_whitened/
---
=)
Hopefully it works the way it's supposed to and I can hate myself a bit less!

By the way, I tried crest whitestrips but they didn't really do anything.

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[Help] are there any antidepressants that don't cause weight gain?
/u/serketcircuit
Created: Tue Jul 10 08:48:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xptpw/are_there_any_antidepressants_that_dont_cause/
---
i want to pursue meds, and although im not 100% sure antidepressants are what ill be put on, since its been so long since ive seen anybody for anything about my mental health, it seems like a likely option
but obviously since im here and already a fatass id like to avoid weight gain, and i don't think ive ever heard anybody talk about antidepressant without that being a side effect

is that just because of what they do to your body, or are there other options?

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[Help] Freaking out because of a restaurant tonight. Slap some sense into me.
/u/mu514
Created: Tue Jul 10 08:03:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xpenh/freaking_out_because_of_a_restaurant_tonight_slap/
---
Alright, someone slap some sense into me.

I've been doing much better recently in terms of taking care of my body, but tonight at \~6:00 pm, I'll be eating at a restaurant. Now, many reasonable people would just adjust their intake accordingly and happily enjoy the food there, but me? I cannot deal. I have to fast until then. Or just not eat anything at the restaurant at all (which is not a viable option).

I've been so good with easing up on the ED behaviors. If I fast, it would definitely throw me back into the heavy restriction rabbit hole. If I eat, regardless of whether or not it turns into a binge, I will attempt to purge it or just end up c/s-ing everything in sight.

SOMEONE tell me that I'm being an idiot and should just eat like a fucking normal person. HELP.

---

[Discussion] DAE follow an absurd amount of Instagram food accounts?
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Tue Jul 10 07:52:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xpb2b/dae_follow_an_absurd_amount_of_instagram_food/
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Like most of my morning is spent finding new food accounts so I can obsessively look at things I’d never eat. Currently that includes lots of fried egg breakfast sandwiches. I haven’t had breakfast in a year though 😩

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What is happiness?
/u/daddysrexibabygirl
Created: Tue Jul 10 07:43:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xp847/what_is_happiness/
---
Happiness is thinking you've eaten over 900 calories for the day, but later realize its actually barely been 600.

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[Help] Booze has too many calories :(
/u/throwaway002300
Created: Tue Jul 10 07:39:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xp6rq/booze_has_too_many_calories/
---
Hello lovelies! It’s been a while and this time I’m asking for some advice. My main issue lately is that I drink every day and try to budget my calorie intake around the alcohol consumption. However as many of you know, booze has way too many calories and I can drink a lot; this leads to exceeding my calorie intake with the booze or falling into a binge late at night. I would have no problem staying under my calorie limits if it weren’t for alcohol, but it’s something that’s pretty incorporated into my daily life (unfortunately). Any advice from fellow former/current drinkers?

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Can't even put food in my mouth anymore, woohoo
/u/morco99
Created: Tue Jul 10 07:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xp4ab/cant_even_put_food_in_my_mouth_anymore_woohoo/
---
My mom brought fish and chips home yesterday, which is one of my favorites. It didn't trigger a binge like it would in the past however and I honestly didn't feel like I needed any, but I let myself break off a tiny piece of cod since I hit a goal yesterday morning. But once I put it in my mouth, I realized I didn't know exactly how many calories that small piece was, so I spit it out. It wasn't even out of anxiety, I just didn't feel like I could eat an untracked piece of food.

I do this with grapes too. I chew like 1-2 grapes when I wake up since I won't eat for several hours, but I always spit them into the trash since I don't want to count them.

Idk what I'm doing anymore

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[Rant/Rave] Can’t stop binging but can’t tell anyone.
/u/ilikepizza6665
Created: Tue Jul 10 07:20:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xp1aa/cant_stop_binging_but_cant_tell_anyone/
---
I don’t know what to do. I’ve been binging since last week and it’s never been like this before. Like legitimate binges, being full but unable to stop eating. I can’t tell anyone about it because I just don’t wanna open a can of worms. I think they’re over now but I’m just all fucked up over it. I was doing really well losing weight but I feel like I’ve set myself back three weeks. Fuck, this sucks. Just feeling sad and alone and I don’t know where else to talk to people about it besides here.

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ATE AT 1:00 AM AND ATE BREAKFEAST, BUT DIDN’T WAKE UP BEFORE.
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Tue Jul 10 06:59:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xouq7/ate_at_100_am_and_ate_breakfeast_but_didnt_wake/
---
Is this still considered the next day? I’m having so much anxienty rn, I eat really early in the moring then don’t eat anything for the rest of the day. I’M FREAKING OUT SM. Do you have to sleep then wake up for it to be consdiered the next day or if your staying up until the next day would that still count?

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[Rant/Rave] 2lbs in 9 hours
/u/ChunkynFluffy
Created: Tue Jul 10 06:37:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xoofq/2lbs_in_9_hours/
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How? HOW? How in the hell do I gain two pounds in 9 hours having only consumed a 190calorie 96gram sandwich?! And before I ate that, I had gone 10 hours (last time I weighed myself, before this) without eating. This makes me nuts.

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TMI Curiosity: Pooping Normal at 600kcal a Day
/u/heretocryalot
Created: Tue Jul 10 06:20:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xojm9/tmi_curiosity_pooping_normal_at_600kcal_a_day/
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[removed]

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Thinspo Tuesday July 10, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jul 10 06:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xogpc/thinspo_tuesday_july_10_2018/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.

*****

Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 10, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jul 10 06:10:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xogns/daily_food_diary_july_10_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for July 10, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Other] Take part in psychological research on binge eating
/u/BingeEatingStudyUCL
Created: Tue Jul 10 04:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xnwqa/take_part_in_psychological_research_on_binge/
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https://i.redd.it/cushk1zkp3911.png

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DAE keep their nails super long so your hands look slimmer?
/u/Anonymouse_Rat
Created: Tue Jul 10 04:44:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xnung/dae_keep_their_nails_super_long_so_your_hands/
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I love having my nails super long, it makes my hands look idk more dainty? Does anyone else do it just for that reason?

When I was waitressing I had to obviously shorten them and I felt like my fingers suddenly turned into fat sausages :( lmao

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Should I tell my boyfriend?
/u/wispblue
Created: Tue Jul 10 04:18:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xnotr/should_i_tell_my_boyfriend/
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Hey, found this place a couple days ago and thought I could ask you something.

I'm in love with my boyfriend and I want to share my life with him. He's a semi-recovered anorexic and I just can't tell him that I'm bulimic.

He knows about my other mental issues and obsession over my weight. He knows most of my fucked up eating habits or thoughts, so I'm pretty sure he knows. But I'm not sure if I should share that I'm diagnosed and being watched by my doctor.

But I know that he also has depression, I don't want to make our precious evenings dark since he comes home tired from work. We live in different countries now, and I don't want him to deal with that too. Should I wait until I get there?

But still, hiding the truth and lying are not completely different, right?

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I'm starving but atleast I'm not miserable.
/u/fart_away
Created: Tue Jul 10 04:05:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xnlue/im_starving_but_atleast_im_not_miserable/
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https://imgur.com/yDsVwqi

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[Rant/Rave] I feel so ashamed.
/u/sleepyperi
Created: Tue Jul 10 03:38:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xnfm9/i_feel_so_ashamed/
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I've felt myself falling down this rabbit hole, putting so much attention to what I'm eating, and feeling awful about what I do eat. But I promised myself that I would never purge, because of the damage it can do.

Tonight after dinner I kept feeling the lump of food in my stomach. The more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable it was. Then when the thought of purging came to mind, it was all I could think about. I've never done it before, but this time I went to the bathroom and tried. I really really tried, but I couldn't do it.

So now I'm lying here with a sore throat and the lump still in my stomach, with the shame that I broke my promise, and tried to purge. And probably will try again. And again, and again, until I succeed. I feel so disgusting.

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[Other] Insta Groupchat
/u/shewhomustnotbenxmed
Created: Tue Jul 10 03:34:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xnem5/insta_groupchat/
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made an insta groupchat! comment or message me your insta handle to be added! (personal/main/private accounts are allowed!)

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[Help] Labwork
/u/xxxanon1117
Created: Tue Jul 10 02:53:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xn4us/labwork/
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On mobile, flair for help.
I got bloodwork a few weeks ago to test some things unrelated to ED issues (none of my doctors have pinned me with a diagnosis yet) and the results were a little scattered. Low sodium, low WBC, low BUN/creatine ratio and high A/G ratio. Almost high cholesterol (despite living off of watermelon, but I know this can result from restriction?) DAE get routine bloodwork? If so, what are your results like if you dont mind sharing. Is there anything I should do differently? Aside from not violently swing back and forth between restriction and B/P. I'm nervous that my lab results, among other things, will tip off my already suspicious doctors.

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I have to go to a birthday meal tomorrow and I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to cope out at a restaurant ;w; I feel like I’m gonna die
/u/Nyxx_styxx
Created: Tue Jul 10 02:02:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xmtkh/i_have_to_go_to_a_birthday_meal_tomorrow_and_i/
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[Other] things get better and others get worse
/u/edgy-af
Created: Tue Jul 10 00:02:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xm4oy/things_get_better_and_others_get_worse/
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It’s been so long since I’ve posted here. I used to do word vomit posts every now and then, lol. I just need to write this for my own sanity.

I haven’t restricted for... a year? I don’t know. It’s been a while. And that means I’ve been bingeing. I’ve been overeating. Comfort eating. I’ve been getting fatter. I’ve gained around 40 lbs. My jeans don’t fit. My arms are so big. It’s upsetting. And my depression is really eating me alive.

I don’t know how to do this. Is it possible for someone who’s struggled with over restriction in the past to count calories in a healthy way? I will not lose weight otherwise. I’ll just keep ballooning. I don’t want to be starving. I don’t want to be malnourished. I’m studying for a massive test I’m taking in a few months. I don’t want to be thinking about food the whole time.

I’ve been lying to myself. It’s BED under the guise of being healthier than when I was restricting and over exercising. I can’t deal with it anymore. I just want to be better and not such a fucking slave to my disorder. I feel angry and powerless.

Part of me wants to be cold and starving and skinny feeling. But I shouldn’t do that. But if I don’t then I gain weight. I can’t do moderation. I can’t stand to be this way anymore. What does it take? How do I repair myself? How do you become normal? Why are some people just born normal?

My therapist (who I can’t see anymore) told me to make a meal plan to prevent grazing. Three meals and three snacks. I don’t think I’ve followed it for a single day. The problem is, what’s a meal? What’s a snack? I don’t have any healthy intuition when it comes to food. Maybe I’ll try it out tomorrow. If by summer of next year I could be ~35 lbs lighter, I would be elated. It takes work, mental work. I know that. But some days I don’t have the mental energy to get up until 7pm. Food ends up being too much for my poor little deep fried brain to handle.

Another thing- I really like being held accountable. It makes me feel cared for (ugh, I hate saying that). The thing is, there’s no one in my life to do that for me. I wish there was a place like this but recovery focused. As far as I know, there aren’t many weight loss forums for BED sufferers. Places like r/loseit or any of its offshoots end up feeling competitive and kinda icky to me. And I love it here... but realistically I can’t handle you guys talking about your 300 calorie days without being tempted to restrict that low again.

I hope this sort of thing is allowed here. I just really need some people to talk to. It’s been rough.

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[Other] weird vent poetry? (tw: self harm)
/u/smolbeanbaby
Created: Mon Jul 9 23:51:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xm2cv/weird_vent_poetry_tw_self_harm/
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https://i.redd.it/76hu6nwv72911.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Fake Recovery (Congratulations, you played yourself)
/u/missdreavuss
Created: Mon Jul 9 23:28:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xlwxn/fake_recovery_congratulations_you_played_yourself/
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Ugh FUCK why would I ever even try to do this???? Basically I went on vacation over a month ago. I left at 114 and came back at 120. I decided that I could try and recover because I was tired of being overwhelmed with my weight and decided to trade restrictions for maintenance and workouts instead. I tried to fake a healthy mindset for a week, but I can’t fucking do it and I’ve been stuck between 120-123 for the past week no matter how hard I restrict.
I worked so fucking hard for my body before. I was so used to starving and it was easy. I can’t believe one fucking family vacation broke me. I hate the way I feel. I hate knowing I’m heavier now. I can’t fucking deal with this. I’m trying so hard to get back to where I used to be and to use my self disgust as motivation to get back but it seems so fucking hard right now and I just want to drop dead honestly. Even if I could get to 115 again I’d feel fine. 120 is fucking purgatory and I hate myself for being stuck here. I even fucked up and started taking laxatives again out of desperation even though I tried so hard to quit them before.
Today at work one of the girls brought in cookies and I swear I ate like 7??? What the fuck is wrong with me??? Why did I ever think I’d recover??? Now I’m fucking 7 pounds heavier and MISERABLE!!! I can’t fucking believe myself and I keep staring at myself and being shocked that I actually did this to myself. I’m so lost right now and I just want to be where I was. I want to cry. I really hate how badly this hurts me.
Did you guys ever try and recover and completely regret it??? Did you get back down to your LW or at least close to it?? I just can’t fucking be at this weight.

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[Rant/Rave] So, I'm never eating again. Thanks random friend who posted this. Guess which one is me (the whale). I was feeling so good about everything/not purging/bingeing. Fuck
/u/KawaiiFirefly
Created: Mon Jul 9 23:28:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xlwxd/so_im_never_eating_again_thanks_random_friend_who/
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https://i.redd.it/xa3eiqin32911.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I was doing so well today..
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Mon Jul 9 23:12:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xlt6e/i_was_doing_so_well_today/
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I was doing well all day when it came to keeping my food down and trying to eat properly but I had a piece of the banana bread I made and now I'm sick to my stomach and want it out. My brain keeps going back and forth trying to decide whether to purge it out or not l.

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[Help] Fasting Question: sort of embarrassed to ask!
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Mon Jul 9 22:55:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xlpah/fasting_question_sort_of_embarrassed_to_ask/
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I feel like I know the answer but I wanted to ask all of you to make sure!

Q: When you are fasting (water fast, not eating anything) for a day is your body burning off the calories you ate yesterday? Let’s say you ate 800 calories on *Monday* and decided to fast Tuesday. On Tuesday is your body burning off those 800 cals you ate the day before by fasting?

So it’s almost like you didn’t eat anything for 2 days? Kind of a stupid Q, but thank you all for your help. Much appreciated :) saves me from anxiety.

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[Rant/Rave] I pulled my hamstring exercising
/u/cas215
Created: Mon Jul 9 22:27:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xli3d/i_pulled_my_hamstring_exercising/
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Now I have to be careful so I dont hurt it more for dance and I cant go to the gym and I fucking hate life right now.

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questions about restricting calories
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Mon Jul 9 22:21:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xlgd2/questions_about_restricting_calories/
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so throughout the past few weeks i noticed that i definitely developed an ed. i eat \~ 500-800 calories a day, havent binged (since july 1) stats are: 20 F, sw: 150, cw: 142 gw: 115

i have been successfully losing weight but i am just absolutely terrified if i dont look thinner relatively soon (my overall goal is realistic which is by the end of the year) but ofc i dont mind speeding up the process. I was raised muslim so fasting for 16 hours a day is something i can handle, would this possible help?

1.) how long has it taken for you to look physically different? how much cals do you eat per day?

2.) i obviously dont want to ask for any "tips" from those also suffering but any words of advice for assurance?

3.) have you tried fasting? what are your thoughts?

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[Help] Perpetually stuck on a plateau
/u/LumosErin
Created: Mon Jul 9 22:16:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xleuc/perpetually_stuck_on_a_plateau/
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Is anyone else sick and tired of losing/gaining the same two pounds every freaking day? Bc same. I’ve been stuck at 134 lbs since May? Maybe earlier but at the start of summer I was ~138-139 ish so I had to work to drop. I made it down to 132 at one point but I’ve had two bad weekends in a row of shitty food and alcohol and it’s hard jumping back on the IF dieting/Pilates training regime every damn time.

Getting down to my goal weight may be a little bit further than I’d hoped. How can I get over this plateau?

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When you don't live in North America
/u/KingdomandJulie
Created: Mon Jul 9 22:09:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xld12/when_you_dont_live_in_north_america/
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There are almost no safe foods and there is NO reduced calorie food in Europe!! I see all these posts about Halo Top and fat free hot dogs and it just makes me wanna eat my sad rice cakes and cry 😭
As a side note, anyone have good safe foods available in the EU?

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[Discussion] Dae try to eat their scented products
/u/dimensionwitch
Created: Mon Jul 9 22:06:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xlc6l/dae_try_to_eat_their_scented_products/
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https://i.redd.it/odgl0ye2p1911.jpg

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[Help] I need some major help
/u/tuesdayschildis
Created: Mon Jul 9 22:02:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xlax9/i_need_some_major_help/
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I’m coming off a five day fucking binge.
I’m so anxious about my weight gain I can’t even sleep. I’m so fucking full and bloated and disgusting I literally want to cry. Like FUCK.
I just need the help and support of people who get it.
If I don’t do something about my fucking body quick I’m gonna actually probably die.
Fuck this stupid fucking ED.

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[Help] how do you deal with cravings?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Mon Jul 9 21:40:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xkt2q/how_do_you_deal_with_cravings/
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[Help] will restricting make you lethargic/tired/sleepy all the time?
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Mon Jul 9 21:40:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xksnt/will_restricting_make_you_lethargictiredsleepy/
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on avg eating abt a net 300ish under tdee? (last wks stats, including my two binge days)

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[Discussion] dae never visit any subs besides this one anymore?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Mon Jul 9 21:37:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xkpzj/dae_never_visit_any_subs_besides_this_one_anymore/
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like before i found this sub, i had a few subs on heavy rotation that had a pretty large variety (memes, beauty, r/fatlogic etc) and now whenever i go to reddit i always end up here. even if ive read through every single new post that day or if im looking at another sub, i just come back here and its honestly kind of concerning

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i cant stop lol
/u/Firerose157
Created: Mon Jul 9 21:36:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xkpo1/i_cant_stop_lol/
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cant stop ranting here im sorry

still living with ex?partner and his family

been high restricting since he split things

they made pizza, everyone ate, then he got around to asking if I wanted a slice (i fucking hate it when he eats before me or when im cooking or asks me if i want to eat after he finishes eating

im still abusing laxatives daily (for about a week) for self-abuse. please love me again

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[Rant/Rave] An unimportant life update?
/u/sadgab_
Created: Mon Jul 9 21:36:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xkpli/an_unimportant_life_update/
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So a few interesting eating disorder things are happening with me right now that I wanna tell someone but I can’t cause ya know eating
disorders=bad so I’m just gonna make a lil post here.

1. One of my very good friends started working at the only grocery store near my college so I’m super nervous she’s gonna figure out about my disorder when She checks me out and all I buy is celery, pickles, rice cakes, halo top, and La Croix. So I’m not really sure how that’s all gonna go. (Of course I’m gonna try to not go when she’s working but I doubt that’s gonna happen every time)

2. My old roommate/main friend who I hang out with everyday is randomly starting a fast tomorrow and I was like oh! I’ll join you (she has no idea about the ED obviously) so now I get to fast tomorrow with a friend without any suspicion. And I bought bronkaid for the very first time today and was planning on EC stacking tomorrow anyways so this is just perfect.
Anyways that’s how my day is gonna go tomorrow and I’m pretty excited

Afterword/ 3?: in case this is too positive for a post talking about my eating disorder, I can say some bad shit about how it’s also ruining my life (because it totally is)
I took a summer school class that ended last week and my disorder has been getting super super bad and I’m barely functional and can’t focus on anything else besides food/starving so I ended up getting a D in my class which means I’ll have to retake it and i wasted all of my time doing this class in the first place. And I haven’t told my parents yet and no one knows about my disordered eating so they won’t even know the real reason why I basically failed my class so I’ve been super fucking stressed which has just put my ED into overdrive and I feel like I’m slowly falling apart but ya know I guess that’s just how it is sometimes, but if anyone reads this far- I hope you’re doing well and I hope you all have a good day😊

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It wasn't about control, but it is now. How I control my eating affects what I do for the day.
/u/im_an_actual_hippie
Created: Mon Jul 9 21:28:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xkkss/it_wasnt_about_control_but_it_is_now_how_i/
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I developed an eating disorder because I wanted to be beautiful. I never really thought it was about control.

Now,I can understand where the "control" part comes in. It's like if I overeat I'd end up binging the whole day and being a lazy sack with no belief for myself. I've recovered and really wanna go back to restricting but I remember how shitty it was to have your brain eaten out by daily, regular activities people wouldn't have trouble achieving.

I don't know whether I should control how I feel about overeating and never ever go back to restricting, or restricting in amounts that can look "normal" for other people. (800 - 1000)

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I’m jealous of people who are “sicker” than me and jealous of people who are recovered
/u/mvemjsun00
Created: Mon Jul 9 21:23:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xki85/im_jealous_of_people_who_are_sicker_than_me_and/
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If ur eating 200 cals and wanna die or you’re eating normally and never felt better I want to be you and I also resent you. No idea what I want but either way I feel inadequate. Both ends of that scale feel like huge achievements I’m unable to accomplish.

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Why am I gaining weight?
/u/MissMichuMoo
Created: Mon Jul 9 21:19:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xkghi/why_am_i_gaining_weight/
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Hey guys, this morning I weighed myself and I've gained weight. I've been restricting more and lifting weights. I eat pretty healthily with restricting WFPB and I picked up weight. Should I drop the 6kg weights that I'm lifting and do bodyweight exercises instead? I've been feeling so great and now I'm so miserable.

* In my brain this is not asking how to ED, but please remove if it's not appropriate.

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[Discussion] DAE Gaslight Themselves?
/u/GossamerThin_
Created: Mon Jul 9 21:09:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xkcor/dae_gaslight_themselves/
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Hi everyone! Long time lurker here :) Where to start?

Just some background information: I grew up in an incredibly strict household with immigrant parents who never let me forget that they literally carried me on their back across a war-torn country to freedom. My mother never had any interest in being a parent, especially not a parent to me (her firstborn), but she had 6 kids anyway. My father at least tried to be a parent, but it always about making sure I was an exceptional student so I could have a successful career to support them in their old age. They were severe and I often "punished them" by refusing to eat. This behavior started in early elementary, but I didn't get "good at it" until middle school. I wanted to make them watch me waste away. It became the only thing I could control and I often used it to guilt them into adjusting their behavior for a short while.

Fast forward to now, I've been estranged from my parents for almost 7 years. Essentially, I went away to college and never looked back. I earned a degree from a top university and started a successful small business. I know I should be thrilled about these things, even if they aren't what I initially wanted for myself, but the psychological games I had to learn to play to survive that house have left me with extremely harmful thinking patterns and won't let me.

This part is going to come off whiney, I sincerely apologize:
I was supposed to become a doctor, I had worked toward it my entire life, I endured for it, but as soon as I left my parent's house, my discipline wavered and never recovered, and what I have now is not good enough, but it's what I deserve because I'm a fraud. My parents must have known how weak I actually am and did what they did because they had to. I've never used my degree, the business is my partner's dream, and I actually have nothing because I am nothing.

I'm afraid other people will know this about me too, so I manipulate conversations with people to lead them to conclude that I am impressive. They believe we're just having a casual conversation about work and life i general, but they're actually providing me with the validation I need to keep going. This validation isn't even given freely, I tricked them into saying what I needed to hear. And it's one of my biggest shames.

Whew chile, the cognitive dissonance:
I believe that I am worthless and undeserving of the acceptance of my peers because I, unlike them, am a fraud. I also believe that I am an exceptional person and my peers are allowed to be mediocre because they've never needed to be more. Believing these two statements simultaneously is a mindfuck to say the least. I couldn't tell you which belief is more "real" because I cannot trust my own thoughts and feelings.

To distract myself from literal insanity, I obsess over my food intake and appearance. I no longer use it as a tool against other people, but it's still harmful to me. I don't know what I'll do when I get to my UGW...


To be completely honest, I haven't shared any of this with my therapist. I lie to her and manipulate our conversations just like with everyone else...

*extremely long exhale*
Wow, this was insane to type out. Thank you all for listening and thank you for all that you share on this site, you're all braver than you know.

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[Rant/Rave] I guess I look small??
/u/commandermel
Created: Mon Jul 9 20:59:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xk8f2/i_guess_i_look_small/
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So I was sassing my director and told him to fight me, and he said “oh I can take you, you weight what? Like 80 lbs”

No, I’m 140, but I’ll take 80!

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[Help] Non disordered looking meal ideas
/u/edthrowaway98
Created: Mon Jul 9 20:54:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xk6du/non_disordered_looking_meal_ideas/
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Posting on my throwaway but anyways...does anyone have meal ideas that I can eat at work around my coworkers (have overused every excuse in the book to avoid eating altogether or eating very little) for the lunches when I HAVE to be around them. Need super low cal things (preferably under 75) that could pass as normal. Ideas I have so far is packing soup and just eating the broth out of it and packing a salad but some more ideas would be sooo helpful.

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Husband is in the hospital:(
/u/NerfThisBaby
Created: Mon Jul 9 20:42:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xk192/husband_is_in_the_hospital/
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Work-related injury, he should be discharged soon. Buuuuut we've been here for two nights now and I'm stress eating and there are no good safe foods here. I'm sure I've gained back all the weight i lost after eating at 600 for the past week and a half. So stressed and everything sucks. I should be focusing on my husband. Send cute dog gifs?

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[Help] does anyone know any ways to hide your ED at work??
/u/astra2018
Created: Mon Jul 9 20:19:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xjs33/does_anyone_know_any_ways_to_hide_your_ed_at_work/
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So today at work they ordered pizza for us and I pretended not to know and brought a salad. I was so tempted to eat it but then remembered my salad is 30 cal and the pizza is 300. I was given many “you’re so healthy!” comments and a few “that’s all you ever eat” comments. The only reason I bring salad to work is bc it’s super low calorie and it’s an ‘acceptable’ food. Tbh if it wasn’t bc I don’t want my ED to be found out I wouldn’t even eat lunch. People have already given me those comments about how skinny I am, and have noticed i always deny all food offers. I REALLY don’t want them to suspect I have an ED....any tips?

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What Motivates/Inspires You?
/u/NotYourAverageTomBoy
Created: Mon Jul 9 20:16:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xjr6t/what_motivatesinspires_you/
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For me it's clothes. The greatest high other than looking at the scale and seeing weight loss, is a perfect outfit that makes you feel beautiful.

I don't want to feel this way for anyone but me.

I have -100 self confidence, but when I find the perfect outfit for the day, I feel like I can do anything. I actually start feeling good about myself and I don't see myself as an ugly junk food eating blob monster.

The thing about me is, I only wear what I like, as in, I don't follow trends and such. If I see something I like, I get it, doesn't matter if it's "so last year" or not. It's the one thing I am proud about myself.

I've been told that I have a valley girl/boho/hippy/business/geek vibe with my style and I love that so much.

Don't get me wrong, I don't purposely go out to try and look different, I'm not Lady GaGa or something stupid like that lol.

For example: I found a sunhat that I thought was super cute and bought it. My sister who is very into new fads and such said, "Ok Grama, whatever floats your boat."

And yes, it floats my boat, so don't judge someone on what floats theirs. It's what makes them happy. Let it be.

I buy clothes too small for me and hang them up for inspiration and I cannot wait to wear them!

It also helps to know that when I lose weight, clothes will not only be cheaper, but I am guaranteed to find my size no matter what store I go into. But thrift stores are my absolute favorite as you can find clothes there you can't find anywhere else. AND sometimes you can find handmade clothes, which are just absolutely amazing! I found a cute purse and a leather jacket brand new with tags, costed me $7 total. Went home and googled them and the purse is discontinued and worth over $500, and the jacket sells for $270. I love thrifting!

What do you look forward to when you lose weight?

---

Zoloft and weight gain/loss
/u/wvnderwall
Created: Mon Jul 9 20:03:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xjlq1/zoloft_and_weight_gainloss/
---
It supposed to make you gain weight, but everything makes me gain weight lol. But I've been losing pretty easily now that I'm trying. Anyone else have experience with Zoloft? I'm on 50mg.

---

What are your weirdest triggers that make you want to heavily restrict?
/u/oxvd
Created: Mon Jul 9 20:02:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xjl6o/what_are_your_weirdest_triggers_that_make_you/
---
For some reason high waisted pleated tennis skirts make me want to restrict for 100 years

---

Favorite calorie tracker app?
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Mon Jul 9 19:40:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xjc48/favorite_calorie_tracker_app/
---

---

[Discussion] Wellbutrin experience
/u/txhsu
Created: Mon Jul 9 19:30:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xj7ov/wellbutrin_experience/
---
What are your experiences with Wellbutrin? I’ve been on 150mg for about 5 months now but I’m about to double the dose starting tomorrow. Did any of you guys experience weight loss due to Wellbutrin or the opposite?

---

[Help] Psychiatrist appt in 2 days!! :( and I'm freaking out that she'll change my antidepressant after it helped me lose weight
/u/jensreddit12
Created: Mon Jul 9 19:07:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xixcv/psychiatrist_appt_in_2_days_and_im_freaking_out/
---
Not diagnosed with an ed, but I'm sure I'm ednos/osfed, (NOTE: i have a bmi of 29 so I'm clearly overweight. I'm on wellbutrin and it's helped me lose 30 lbs since the last 6 months, and I used to be a bmi of 33.) I get crazy headaches and lightheadedness which is pretty bad since the med actually increases chance for seizures. Also I feel like I have ocd after taking this, which might be part of how i developed an ED, but I don't want to get off of it bc it's helping me lose weight and I'm already overweight! I want to be skinny so bad and I never used to be obsessed over my weight before a couple months ago. Now, I have almost everything sign of an ed, and wellbutrin is not good for people with ED's... I won't be able to bring myself to tell her all my symptoms. It's horrible but at this point, the only thing I want is to be skinny. any advice? I just want help and I have no one else to turn to. Thank you if you read all of this.

---

[Help] low calorie food guilt
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Mon Jul 9 19:06:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xiws2/low_calorie_food_guilt/
---
so i eat regular meals/snacks — it is all low calorie food and it keeps me filled. rationally, i know i am still WAY below my TDEE and thus losing, but somehow i can’t help but feel guilty because in terms of volume, i feel like i eat a lot. does anyone else have this? how do you deal with it?

---

LoseIt says it’s ok so..
/u/chezpajama
Created: Mon Jul 9 19:01:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xiu8o/loseit_says_its_ok_so/
---
https://i.redd.it/6g0baweh90911.jpg

---

other than purging, what do you do post-binge to cope with the feelings of guilt and shame?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Mon Jul 9 18:30:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xihce/other_than_purging_what_do_you_do_postbinge_to/
---

---

[Other] I'm so close to just pouring water into this bag of chips so I don't eat them.
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Mon Jul 9 18:10:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xi7gh/im_so_close_to_just_pouring_water_into_this_bag/
---
Omg I want them so bad. I want to make it so I can't eat them but I'd hate to waste food. I can't even think of what to do.

---

[Rant/Rave] not losing fast enough
/u/CepheidVox
Created: Mon Jul 9 18:10:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xi75g/not_losing_fast_enough/
---
I used to be losing about 10lbs a month but this last month I've only lost 6. I'm so angry about it. It's clearly unreasonable for me to expect to lose weight so quickly... but I'm only 10lbs away from a normal BMI now and I want it so bad. Why isn't it working like before? I'm working so fucking hard for this, just give it to me. I'll restrict lower if I have to but... it should be working. I'm freaking out.

---

[Help] Difficulty recognizing self-worth
/u/kVIIIwithan8
Created: Mon Jul 9 18:08:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xi65p/difficulty_recognizing_selfworth/
---
Alright fam, I've been speaking to my psychiatrist about how I struggle to recognize that I have value. I think that's a big part of why I'm here.
I wanted to get some opinions--is this typical in your experiences? Anyone who's found a way to convince themselves that they matter? How do you get to a place where you don't hate yourself?

---

[Other] it's nice to know someone cares that much. :)
/u/biblicalirony
Created: Mon Jul 9 18:06:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xi59m/its_nice_to_know_someone_cares_that_much/
---
there's this girl in my school who just graduated. she's had a history with eating disorders but she's recovered now. she's been pretty vocal about her experiences with her ed and has done a lot of things to raise awareness about it. she has a couple of posts in her instagram "debunking" preconceived notions people have about who can be affected by eating disorders and she's also written music about her experiences. (i dont want to mention her name in this post but if anyone's curious, send me a pm and i'd be happy to link you to her music!)

anyway, i had a binge episode yesterday and was feeling kinda super bad but i started listening to her music and it was just.. idk, a super cathartic experience. obviously, i still felt like shit but listening made me feel a bit less.. shitty, i guess? i impulsively sent her a dm on instagram opening up a bit about my experience w my ed and thanked her for both her music and her attempt to destigmatize conversation about e.d's on top of trying to be inclusive as well.

she responded today and not only did she give an incredibly personable reply (in regards to my situation) but she also gave me her phone number and asked if i wanted to meet up and get coffee/a meal at some point. she said i could text her anytime and that she'd love to talk to me more. for all i know it could all just be fluff but like.. idk, the gesture not only seemed super authentic but it made me feel just a little less alone, almost.

i could easily meet up with her but im lowkey intimidated lol ! she's one of the rare gems at our school who has a reputation of being as sweet as she is popular (and pretty and like... idek, she's just so unreal to me) but like i havent actually talked to her in person before. but her response absolutely made my day and if not week, ngl. <3

---

How many calories would this vegan salad be? 🥗
/u/r1cecream-
Created: Mon Jul 9 17:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xhtu4/how_many_calories_would_this_vegan_salad_be/
---
https://imgur.com/a/Bu20qDi

Vegan option. I replace sunflower seeds and dressing with mushrooms and peppers. it's like medium sized? Avacado amount is like a tiny scoop.

---

[Rant/Rave] Convinced myself to be ok with high restriction to avoid loose skin, but still have it because I am old
/u/fattie_magoo
Created: Mon Jul 9 17:32:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xhq3o/convinced_myself_to_be_ok_with_high_restriction/
---
So yeah I am old (32) or at least older than most of y’all.... and short... so I’ve been doing like 1000 cal a day and slower loss per week instead of my usual very low restriction and rapid loss, to specifically avoid loose skin. I am down 25 lbs in 7 months, nothing too crazy. But holy cannoli... just noticed my stomach skin is so loose and full of cellulite hanging off of me ... even though I’ve lost inches, my skin hangs over the hem of my pants and is puckered and gross (especially during sex). I didn’t even start at overweight BMI.

Last time I lost weight from restricting I was much younger and didn’t have to worry so much but apparently even though I’m taking it slow on purpose my skin still hates me 😞😞😞 *cries into bowl of spinach*

---

[Rant/Rave] My arms balloon whenever I eat
/u/strawberrybubblegam
Created: Mon Jul 9 17:28:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xhoco/my_arms_balloon_whenever_i_eat/
---
shout out to body dysmorphia for fucking my head up so bad.

like the title says my arms feel disgusting and bloated and incredible fat rn, bc i just ate and i just broke my “plan” for the day. fuck me

if u want u can skip this next part bc it’s just a rant/backstory. i had a bad weekend- was out drinking a lot, one night ended at 300 cal, the other at 2000. so today i worked out, burned 500 and decided to fast for the rest of the day. but then i was bored and hungry and i ate some yogurt (120), a couple cherries, and some pirates booty (300). so im at 0 calories for the day. but my day feels ruined.

sorry if this doesn’t make sense, i’m stressed and emotionally exhausted rn 💩

---

[Help] How many calories do you eat in a day?
/u/theskinnyis
Created: Mon Jul 9 16:51:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xhaim/how_many_calories_do_you_eat_in_a_day/
---
Just wondering since I'm shooting for 1 000.

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[Rant/Rave] Ruining my life with bingeing
/u/lrgfrieschocoshake
Created: Mon Jul 9 16:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xh9fc/ruining_my_life_with_bingeing/
---
I'm a binger. Always. I can restrict for days, a week, and then I binge so badly that I ruin it completely. Like thousands of calories binges.

Why is purging so hard? It's so easy when I'm drunk, I don't even have to try. Why can't I do it sober? Another week of restricting fucking ruined. Yesterday I stayed at 500 calories, today I was at 3000. Fuck.

(Long timer on this subreddit, new account so boyfriend can't see my posts)

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[Discussion] DAE eat like a normal human for like 3 days then feel guilty after
/u/longer_donger420
Created: Mon Jul 9 16:37:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xh59o/dae_eat_like_a_normal_human_for_like_3_days_then/
---
Like during the 3 days its great, I get to live without the pressure, but then it's like am I faking all of this? Am I cured?

That of course leads back to restriction

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I found a Youtube channel that does "what I eat in a day" videos that are usually under 800 calories.
/u/lonelysweetpotato
Created: Mon Jul 9 16:29:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xh2pg/i_found_a_youtube_channel_that_does_what_i_eat_in/
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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC80Nf9KRaFt8SG1Tkbhc2Lw

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[Help] Restaurant HELP ASAP
/u/Sockapoodledoo
Created: Mon Jul 9 16:20:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xgzbp/restaurant_help_asap/
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What the fuck do I eat off this menu? Ideally I wanted to fast today but looks like it’s not going to be possible so something very restrictive please...Halp

https://www.gunghodallas.com/images/Gung-Ho-Food-Menu.pdf

---

[Help] Anorexia Refuses Her Medication
/u/to-be-a-feather
Created: Mon Jul 9 16:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xgw14/anorexia_refuses_her_medication/
---
I wasn’t exactly sure what to label this as flair-wise, so I chose the ‘help’ option.

When I first had a head-to-head with anorexia, I wasn’t on antidepressants(which I should have been). A relapse later and now in my medicated adult years, I’ve found that I refuse to take my medication because I haven’t ‘earnt it back’. I know I need it. I know not taking it has severely backtracked me. But, I genuinely feel I cannot until I’m a certain weight again as when I’m in a mentality of... if I’m ‘too happy’, I eat. If I eat, I gain. If I gain, I’m fat. So, I’ve neglected my meds and productivity in favour of losing weight again.

I suppose I’m posting this in hope that somebody else ‘gets it’? It’s not that my meds make me hungry, by the way. It’s just that anorexia made me decide I’m not losing fast enough, so my meds must be to blame. I don’t even know if I’ll ever ‘earn’ them back.

---

Back on my bullshit
/u/FAYGOLMAO
Created: Mon Jul 9 16:10:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xgvui/back_on_my_bullshit/
---
I used to purge a lot. A lot a lot. Then I had to move back home and I worked on stopping (very public bathroom). Well it's a year later and I've moved out. I am back on my bullshit. I'm binging which sucks, but purging makes me feel okay. I still feel like a fat piece of shit but I'm so happy to be able to purge again. I missed this. The secrecy of it. The taboo part of it. Just the self punishment part of it.

---

Almost passed out in front of my boyfriend
/u/Insanehouswife
Created: Mon Jul 9 15:59:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xgryh/almost_passed_out_in_front_of_my_boyfriend/
---
I went to a concert out of town this weekend so I had to pretend to be okay and eat like a human so I decided to fast and do an ec stack to balance it. It's about three pm, and my bf and I walk into the living room together and I get more lightheaded than I have ever been before, more than the 72 hour fasts that I've done, I can't remember falling, and apparently I was shaking "Flopping like a fish" he said. I come out of it, the whole thing was maybe ten seconds and I just tell him I'm fine and brush it off. I just drank a glass of oj and some hazelnuts so that it doesn't happen again.

Has this ever happened to anyone?

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Eating Early?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Mon Jul 9 15:44:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xgmji/eating_early/
---
Latley I've been waking up at 3:00 AM -5:00 AM or 1:00 AM. I usually end up eating around 5:00-4:00 AM. Is this ok? If I were to eat at 1:00 or 2:00 AM, would this be considered the next day? Does anyone have any experience with this and still lost weight? I never eat dinner so when I wake up I literally can't go back to sleep but force myself to wait to eat.

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[Discussion] Starting bc pill, how bad is the initial weight gain?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Mon Jul 9 15:28:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xggkd/starting_bc_pill_how_bad_is_the_initial_weight/
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Have any of you gained/lost weight on a combination bc pill? Im honestly really scared of the weight gain or even water retention even though i dont eat enough to gain :(

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[Other] Daily reminder that yall are loved and deserve the best
/u/Bleepbloopbroke
Created: Mon Jul 9 15:27:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xggd2/daily_reminder_that_yall_are_loved_and_deserve/
---
You probably don't think so but it's true. I hope everyone is able to love themselves just a bit today and allow themselves to make mistakes once in a while without needing to punish themselves

Have a good day everyone ❤

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How can I use a food scale without my SO knowing I've relapsed?
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Mon Jul 9 15:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xge1x/how_can_i_use_a_food_scale_without_my_so_knowing/
---
I've been calling all fruits medium and relying on measuring cups but I so miss my food scale. How can I bring that puppy out without tipping off my husband? Hiding it isn't really an option since we both work from home.

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Internal battle
/u/epontelier
Created: Mon Jul 9 15:20:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xge03/internal_battle/
---
My body: PLEASE.... I need actual food.... chicken and rice....

Me: oh you want weed and black coffee?

My body: Pls.... protein..... nutrients.... calories....

me: more water?

my body: I'm begging you.... eat dinner

me: vodka soda and cigarettes :) :)

---

ate nearly 1000 calories over my limit today 👉😎👉
/u/reject_nature
Created: Mon Jul 9 15:14:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xgbsj/ate_nearly_1000_calories_over_my_limit_today/
---
im not well pleased lads

ate 700 calories total today an thought "wey ive had a good day im not hungry ill just stop eating for today" but NOPE

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[Rant/Rave] The Awful Things You Wish For...
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Mon Jul 9 15:10:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xgacn/the_awful_things_you_wish_for/
---
God I wish I was better at purging sober. Just one of the awful things you wish for when this crap is life...

I have something really stressful coming up this week, on top of the fact that I have to work 10-12 hour overnights in order to make bills. And my lexapro is running low and I can't afford to refill that any time soon...so I've been taking it sparingly.

Fuck me...

---

[Help] Dissatisfied with diagnosis even though it's supposed to help
/u/yet-to-be
Created: Mon Jul 9 15:09:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xga0e/dissatisfied_with_diagnosis_even_though_its/
---
I haven't had any strong feelings about my diagnosis. I've had a real hard time accepting it, actually. "\*It can't be a \*\*real\*\* eating disorder, you're fat!\*"

I've been seeing a therapist as part of a sort of intensive outpatient program through my insurance and my other dx. Turns out it's an intensive outpatient \*eating disorder\* program, and my therapist is talking to me largely through the lens of disordered eating behaviors. I was also referred due to binge eating, but have more recently been behaving more on the anorexic or orthorexic side.

I started going to a DBT group last week. Surprise! That's also eating disorder related. I went there, and I saw the other people, some with bulimia, some with anorexia, some with BED, some with NOS, and I just thought, "I don't belong here. This isn't me. This is for \*actually sick\* people. I'm not!"

So I've got this diagnosis, but it isn't helping because I don't trust it, and because it doesn't come with an instruction manual. With the bipolar, I at least know what to watch for, what medications to take, who to talk to. With the eating disorder, it's more... "Don't think too hard about it, but watch for these things, but also don't forget to listen to your body, but don't forget to eat regularly or else your body won't know what to tell you."


Do you know how hard it is to try and learn to listen to your body's cues, but also to eat even when you're not hungry so that you can build those cues up again? It doesn't work! You can't make me eat when I'm not hungry and then tell me not to eat when I'm not hungry. Argh.

On top of all of this, I am clinically obese. This isn't just a self-assessment, by BMI is 39. You can lament about BMI's failings all you want, it isn't like I'm \*close\* and it's just \*body composition\*. So what am I supposed to do about that? I can't lose weight because all the things I know to do to get there are the ones I'm not supposed to be engaging in: weighing, portioning, calorie counting, declining "bad" food (because there are no "bad" foods, you see), exercising against TDEE for a deficit, etc. How am I supposed to be okay with myself if I'm \*not\* okay?

So I'm frustrated. How're you handling your demons today?

---

[Goal] I'm going to the GOSH DARN gym again today
/u/spaghetti_girl
Created: Mon Jul 9 14:47:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xg1su/im_going_to_the_gosh_darn_gym_again_today/
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hey, baddies.

it's me again. its day 3 of my workout schedule. I almost stayed in to binge on a giant bowl of rice and beans.

I told myself to just put on my workout clothes and THEN decide what to do and huzzah! I am on my way to the gym! god bless!!

---

Yay for wanting to binge, so you chew the food to taste it but spit it out instead of swallowing it to avoid consuming calories, am I right?
/u/Plz_Can_You_Not
Created: Mon Jul 9 14:46:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xg1ia/yay_for_wanting_to_binge_so_you_chew_the_food_to/
---

---

[Discussion] Two weeks inpatient
/u/fernsandfoxes
Created: Mon Jul 9 14:46:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xg1hf/two_weeks_inpatient/
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Hey everyone. After some convincing from my therapist I checked myself into Herrick in Berkeley and stayed there for two weeks. I wanted to make a post about it but I didn’t know where to start so if anyone has any questions ask away. And if anyone wants to leave their inpatient experience in the comments I think it would be interesting to compare 🙂

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[Rant/Rave] I’m a petty bitch because I like when other people (women) are fat (ugly duckling turned hot here.)
/u/letgoor
Created: Mon Jul 9 14:27:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xfu32/im_a_petty_bitch_because_i_like_when_other_people/
---
Wow haha. A self-proclaimed feminist here, and I just realized how much I enjoy being “the hot one” and when other women around me are fat. Yikes. Terrible thought.

I used to be fucking ugly in high school you guys. And all my life. I had fucked up teeth, hair, acne, and I was fat as fuck. Like, I never went to prom or got asked out or anything. Then after high school I lost weight, gained muscle (thiccc) got braces, my hair magically became pretty, my skin cleared & I even grew an inch!

Suddenly I was getting attention from guys, even the hot ones!

Meanwhile, all my high school classmates got fat. Like really fat. Like, if we were to go back to high school today, I’m pretty sure i’d be one of the hottest girls there. It’s really jarring actually.

So of course this is a weird symbol of pride for me. I gloat when I see their pictures and they’ve gained weight. A lot of these girls bullied me in high school or treated me like I was trash.

Well today I saw online that one of these hot-then-fat high school classmates lost 20lbs. Holy trigger. I HAVE to get down to my ultimate goal weight now. Today is day 2 of my “cleanse” / new diet and omg. I’ve never been more motivated to follow through.

It’s really sad how much high school triggers my ED because I realize now how much I missed out on because I felt so ugly and fat and uncomfortable

I’m the same person inside but treated so differently. I’ve been told I can model and guys literally check me out all the time (kind of uncomfortable to get used to tbh).

Also losing weight and being toned and fit and pretty is MY THING and I feel like if someone else near me is trying to do it, idk, it annoys me, like I have to be better (but at the same time make it seem like it’s totally ~effortless~ and I’m just super chill ~ and nonchalant ~about it.)

The good side of this whole thing is that I’m doing it healthily (low restriction) because I know that going too low just triggers binges for me

Can anyone else relate ?? I feel so bad / like a horrible human

---

Lost weight but can't see it
/u/realife1ce
Created: Mon Jul 9 14:20:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xfrk5/lost_weight_but_cant_see_it/
---
I'm 5'5
I went from 120 lbs (mid june) to 100 lbs (now) and I don't see any difference in my body. Do you think I have a noticeable difference and I'm just dysphoric or that 20 lbs wasn't enough for a visual difference

---

Everyone is constantly paying attention at my food choices + I binge so much lately AGHH
/u/billionsofatoms
Created: Mon Jul 9 14:13:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xfovi/everyone_is_constantly_paying_attention_at_my/
---
A lot of rant and whining incoming so please please bear with me. I'm an emotional wreck lately.

I've "successfully recovered" physically and am a healthy BMI. Me going to the psychiatrist to get help was because of everyone around me almost forcing me to go. I'm trying really hard to lose some weight (it's harder than ever because I'm soooooooo undisciplined) and everyone is judging my food constantly and I am so tired of this.

- My colleagues at work: "salad again? WHY DON'T YOU EAT REAL FOOD!!!" (preface: I have horrible binges in the evening ALL.THE.TIME. I really eat soooo much in the evening; so it's so hard to explain the emotional impact of those binges, and it's so annoying to hear that I don't eat enough when I eat so much, just not during the day).

- My boyfriend: "What, you said you crave snacks?" *Proceeds to go to the shop and buy everything he knows I BINGE on until I get cramps and tears, although I begged him not to do this anymore because I'm an undisciplined swine and cannot help but shove kilos of crackers down my throat. Only because "you need those, because you used to have an ED and I won't allow you to have it again". Recently, I don't even say that I crave stuff anymore. He'd just go and buy stuff sometimes anyway, and while he's not forcing stuff down my throat, I'm being a food vacuum and it'd really help not to have those things around.

I just wish people stopped enabling my constant wish to binge to death and instead just pretended they don't notice how I eat. I cannot even fast anymore because of the constant pressure they put on me to have breakfast.

I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I lived alone again, and had no social contact, so I could just do what makes me feel best. I need to lose like 20lb of fattyfatfat to be back at my lowest, and I cannot even lose fucking 2.

---

I gained
/u/poppeda_m_im
Created: Mon Jul 9 14:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xfncc/i_gained/
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I went to the doctor today for a no weight related issue and they weighed me as they do you know and it said I was 124 I have gained 7 pounds since the last time I was weighed in May and I want to rip it off my body I feel so triggered and so upset but instead of restricting all I could think to do was binge I feel like shit and I just wish this laxatives would work faster so I could get this food out of my system I feel so depressed I will need to restrict tomorow.

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[Tip] I bought this yesterday, and it's really helpful
/u/imgonnaloseitall
Created: Mon Jul 9 14:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xfl8q/i_bought_this_yesterday_and_its_really_helpful/
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I struggle with portion control, and always end up overeating, but yesterday I bought this [Sistema Microwavable Cup](https://imgur.com/a/uRnW8f3) . It was quite expensive (£4.50) but I feel like it's helped me.

I've only been using it for 2 days so I can't say it's brilliant yet, but I can say that since I've bought it, I haven't really over-eaten. The cup is supposed to be for soup (fits 656ml/22.18oz) but it works really well for pretty much anything.

For example, if I'm having prawns and rice, I fill the cup, with an amount of rice and an amount of prawns. Once I've eaten what's in the cup it feels like I don't want anymore. Idk if it works the same for anyone else who owns the cup, but it's helped me. I think it's just psychological.

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Chicken woman
/u/IwontTryAnotherName
Created: Mon Jul 9 13:58:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xfirg/chicken_woman/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuwfTjIiDaE

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[Other] First 24 hour fast!
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Mon Jul 9 13:52:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xfgke/first_24_hour_fast/
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I've not eaten for 24 hours before but this was my first Actual Fast™. I haven't eaten anything yet someone please motivate me to keep going at least for another few hours! 🙇

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[Help] Stupid question...
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Mon Jul 9 13:20:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xf42t/stupid_question/
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How do you guys find the calories for certain foods? I’m so obsessed with tracking calories all I’ve been eating is prepackaged stuff. But I’m curious how to figure out the calories for other things. For example tomorrow we are having baked/marinated chicken tenderloins, rice and veggies. The rice and veggies is easy but the chicken I’m worried about. Plus soups, how do you figure out the cals for a homemade soup if someone else prepares it. Ugh, I’m so stressed 😒 Sorry if this is stupid. I’m super bad at math so trying to figure out this stuff is overwhelming for me.

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Does anyone else have upper thigh fat that won't go away?
/u/duskedfur
Created: Mon Jul 9 13:18:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xf3fm/does_anyone_else_have_upper_thigh_fat_that_wont/
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I'm currently sitting at a BMI of 18.3. My lowest weight was at a BMI of 17.5, and I still had this fucking upper thigh fat! I've done every upper thigh exercise in the books to no avail. At their widest, my upper thighs are 19.5 inches around. And that's terrible. All I want is a real thigh gap, but it seems unattainable at this point.


The weirdest thing about it, though, is that almost all the fat in my thighs is stored at the top. It's deceptive, really. Here's [a photo] (https://i.imgur.com/VZ9aGGo.jpg) of me wearing medium length gym shorts. My thighs look so small, right? Take em off [[mildly nsfw](https://i.imgur.com/I6b23SF.jpg)] and boom, massive thighs. I hate this.

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I miss eating with friends
/u/glossboy
Created: Mon Jul 9 13:16:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xf2qf/i_miss_eating_with_friends/
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I know I've said countless times that I'm sick of everything having to do with food like every single hangout with friends having to do with just eating or start/ending with eating... but I still miss it from time to time. Just getting together to cook something for each other, going out to eat at a place we all used to really like, going to food events. I sometimes miss what it used to feel like actually enjoying to go out eating with friends.
I miss cooking for people the most... I can't cook anymore without friends bombarding me with questions or force feeding me the food.

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[Help] Bf is okay with my ED
/u/daintywannabe
Created: Mon Jul 9 13:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xf12z/bf_is_okay_with_my_ed/
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I ate a lot yesterday. Not over the maintenance calorie limit though.

I told this to my boyfriend and he said "You should skip food today. Eat nothing or close to nothing."

And I don't know how to feel about that...

My boyfriend knows about my ed. He knows I'm sick and that I get huge breakdowns because of my weight. He knows that I get really weak, dizzy and sick when I don't eat. He knows it makes me sad that I cannot fast because I live with my family. He also knows that I don't like being thin (feeling my bones in any way scares me but as I lose weight, I can feel them more and more).

But everytime I lose weight, he congratulates me. Once I got to my first GW, he said he was very proud. When I asked him what did he think my weight should be (he likes carrying me), he said 110 pounds or less, which is below a healthy bmi for my height.

I just... I don't know. I feel so sick while eating so little and now I know he's okay with that and wants it to go even further...

What should I do?

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[Rant/Rave] My first 24 hour fast!!!
/u/SlothsRUs15
Created: Mon Jul 9 13:12:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xf11h/my_first_24_hour_fast/
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I literally just finished my first 24 hour fast and feel great!! I'm gonna try for 48 hours, maybe more. This weekend has been kinda rough, a friend told someone else about my ED without asking me, and I've just started anti-depressants, but now I feel absolutely amazing!!! Just wanted to share since I can't tell anyone irl. Wish me luck guys ^-^

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[Discussion] Anyone currently fasting interested in fasting buddies?
/u/the_sandra
Created: Mon Jul 9 13:05:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xeydn/anyone_currently_fasting_interested_in_fasting/
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I came across a fasting tracker app called Life where you can add friends and whatnot so we can join a circle and fast together! I’m currently on hour 37 of my possible 48-72 hr fast. I’d like to go a whole 7 days but this is my first true water fast so I’m not trying to push it. My username is thesandra19 if you want to add me on there!


[LIFE fasting tracking app](https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/life-fasting-tracker/id1319306064?mt=8)

---

So my BF is doing the grocery shopping. BY HIMSELF.
/u/domesticwildthing
Created: Mon Jul 9 13:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xey0p/so_my_bf_is_doing_the_grocery_shopping_by_himself/
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I've never been so nervous in my life. I feel powerless and scared and I don't want him to go.

Like I need to buy my own groceries but I work two jobs now and we need food in the house and he has to go and I don't even know what to do with myself.

I literally sent pictures of specific products.

My heart is beating so fast.

Holy shit.

---

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else work with food all day?
/u/GIRLWITLOWSELFESTEEM
Created: Mon Jul 9 12:58:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xevct/anyone_else_work_with_food_all_day/
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I work in a restaurant/deli, serving people food all day. It sucks. Most of the time I can’t even stand the smell of food anymore because it makes me feel really anxious. Especially when people offer me food all day and I turn them down.

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My completely distorted views on methods of weight loss
/u/Ekawa
Created: Mon Jul 9 12:38:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xent0/my_completely_distorted_views_on_methods_of/
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So I freaked out about gaining weight on a weeklong trip I had where I didn’t have a scale. I threw up most everything I ate with the exception of a few hundred calories here and there but didn’t have a single normal meal. I just body checked like crazy every day to make sure I didn’t feel fatter. I reached a new lowest weight and lost about 4 pounds which everyone noticed and commented on when I got back. I was SURE I’d gain. Before that I was stuck fluctuating around 121-124. Would b/p for two days straight and restricting at 300-400 cals the rest of the week. Now I’m fluctuating at 115 -117. How tf did I lose weight on vacation?? I know restriction is the best bet when it comes to weight loss but I lost the most weight by purging (but often struggling to get it all out) during my trip. I was so sure I didn’t lose weight. A week has passed and I’ve b/p every day, just like on my trip but I’m just staying around 115-117. So before the trip I was restricting more often than b/p but this week I’ve just been doing it every day but trying harder to get everything out and I’m staying the same weight. I think I’m b/p more because it *felt* like that’s how I lost weight but I know that’s not really accurate but anyways the way I’m eating has changed because of my perception nd observations on weight loss and when it happened and it’s stupid :p

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[Other] Canes for lunch
/u/theskinnyis
Created: Mon Jul 9 12:30:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xekm2/canes_for_lunch/
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I'm having a kids size. That's all I'm eating today besides the candy I had this morning. (1 sweetarts chew, 32kcal.) Hopefully I can not eat the rest of the day!! Give me inspo??

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longest paper airplane flight
/u/alshorif59
Created: Mon Jul 9 12:21:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xehcc/longest_paper_airplane_flight/
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https://youtu.be/RGil8SN9z8A

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[Discussion] DAE Never Feel Like They’ve Purged Enough?
/u/peyton2724
Created: Mon Jul 9 12:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xeh1n/dae_never_feel_like_theyve_purged_enough/
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Every time I purge up absolutely anything, it always feels like I still have so much to go. I get to the point where the only thing I’m getting up is bile and I still feel like I’m full of all this food I just purged.

This might have started because I read an article talking about some experiment done on bulimics, where they figured out, on average, our average purge is only about 3/4 of what we binged, not all of it. I might just be paranoid because of that now and that’s why I still feel full? Like, not even close to empty?

Anyone else get this? And does anyone have an idea why this happens?

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Can I be my own thinspo?
/u/agent_philcoulson
Created: Mon Jul 9 12:10:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xecy9/can_i_be_my_own_thinspo/
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I decided to start counting calories 2 weeks ago. I've been spending a lot of time in /r/1200isplenty. I stopped counting calories years ago because it was a trigger for me. But I watched my weight slowly creep up. I was measuring my food in volume, which stupid me realized 2 weeks ago is not a good way to measure food. I've been counting calories for 2 weeks and it's different this time around. I feel like I have an even better relationship with food. And while I've only lost 2.5 pounds, I can't stop staring at how small my stomach looks already. I can't wait to see what it looks like when I loose those 15 pounds.

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[Goal] Had my BMI checked at dietician
/u/Throwingaway3555
Created: Mon Jul 9 12:03:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xeagr/had_my_bmi_checked_at_dietician/
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Turns out I’ve grown since I last checked so I’m down to a 21.7 BMI! Also lost half a pound after promising everyone to maintain for two weeks, its enough to not raise concern and enough to push me towards where I want to be 😄

Bad news is I had to explain why I had to go to a dietician and he’s a bit old school and doesn’t think guys can get EDs so that’s fun 🙃

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DAE keep a journal of their thoughts?
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf
Created: Mon Jul 9 11:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xe6pc/dae_keep_a_journal_of_their_thoughts/
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I've always loved writing, whether for school assignments, fun, or personal reasons. I started keeping a journal in late 2016 when it became apparent I had been battling depression for a little over a year. I still journal today.




At the end of today's entry I wrote:


> "I am one lovely, small, perfect, DISORDERED FUCK right now... and I love it."





Anyone else keep a journal? Feel free to share any nuggets/entries if you'd like!

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Anyone ever recovered from an ED?
/u/diaperedwoman
Created: Mon Jul 9 11:52:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xe63r/anyone_ever_recovered_from_an_ed/
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I was diagnosed with anorexia in 2007 but I never believed in that diagnoses because I was never underweight nor did I ever lose my menstrual cycle. ED-NOS fit me but I guess doctors in my area don't give out NOS diagnoses.

But now I am recovered because I don't fear food anymore and I can eat and enjoy food and me working out also keeps my ED away. I don't work out obsessively, I do it about 25 minutes a day and my weight stays maintained and I keep muscle.

I am not sure if I belong here if I am recovered. Let me know.

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Lowest cal soup ideas for liquid fast?
/u/DoubleBeautiful
Created: Mon Jul 9 11:46:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xe40m/lowest_cal_soup_ideas_for_liquid_fast/
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Hii! Just wondering if you guys have any recipes for your favourite lowest calorie soups? I want to liquid fast without raising alarm bells with the fam, and soup is such a easy one :)

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[Rant/Rave] This is a confession post because I’m a terrible person
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword
Created: Mon Jul 9 11:41:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xe1vw/this_is_a_confession_post_because_im_a_terrible/
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I’m in a course in my unit in the army and were mandated to have a snack time so they usually give out bread and chocolate spread.

This chocolate spread is like 500+ calories for 100g okay. It’s like SO SO high calorie.

I always volunteer to make my friends sandwiches with it and just LAYER ON THE CHOCOLATE because I want them to be eating more calories than me because I’m an asshole 😬😬

So yeah. I am a very bad person.

Pls don’t judge

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[Discussion] My workplace is so triggering yet so inspiring
/u/imgonnaloseitall
Created: Mon Jul 9 11:16:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xdsu3/my_workplace_is_so_triggering_yet_so_inspiring/
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Most of the women I've encountered there are super thin and glamorous. I feel so triggered because I don't look as good as them, but I also feel so inspired because they are gorgeous and I want to look just like them

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[Discussion] College Meal Plan
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Mon Jul 9 11:13:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xdrpi/college_meal_plan/
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So I have to choose my meal plan for college and I think I’m going to screw myself over. I’m getting the cheapest one. It all feed me 2 times a day (weekdays) but if I miss a meal, then I can’t save it for another day (you use it or lose it).

I was going to get a bigger one but why would I? Maybe this way I can keep myself in check and make sure I’m losing and not binging. I’m also really scared of “freshman 15”. I can afford to gain that much.

Anyone else has done this?

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Oops!
/u/Vetmyana
Created: Mon Jul 9 10:25:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xd9mg/oops/
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Any ideas on keeping up blood sugars without gaining weight? Im having fainting problems!!!

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[Help] Trying to explain my ED to my people.
/u/KattyWampus666
Created: Mon Jul 9 10:18:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xd6z9/trying_to_explain_my_ed_to_my_people/
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**How can I explain "this" (EDNOS) to my people? They are terrified right now... And it is ALL MY FAULT.**

*"Food is all I think about. What I want to eat versus what I will allow myself to eat. The binge eater in me is ALWAYS hungry. But every pound I lose feels like the most amazing victory. And every single calorie I eat feels like a tremendous failure. If I could only stop eating completely, I would. Its like I will finally achieve happiness if I can just lose 10 (or 20, or 50) more pounds, but in my heart I know that no amount of weight I manage lose will ever be enough. I look in the mirror and all I can see are my many, many flaws. The Monster whispers in my ear that I don’t deserve to eat, that I am disgusting and I should just hide myself away until I can achieve an appearance that isn’t completely awful, other people are repulsed by me, and that if I can just listen to what it tells me MAYBE Ill be happy one day. I do listen to it. I really do. I feel more disgusting than I can ever describe. Saying that I hate myself will never express how I feel. They say that HATE is a strong word, but it doesn’t even come close to describing how much I want to just disappear. "*

**\^My attempt.**

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[Help] Need to lose in 10 days
/u/narkreturn
Created: Mon Jul 9 10:08:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xd38x/need_to_lose_in_10_days/
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If this isn’t allowed please delete. But I have a photoshoot in 10 days and have been stuck in a binge phase and have gained about 1.5kg. I’m completely stressing out about this. If I eat below 500 calories for the next 10 days will I lose the 1.5 kg? I feel hopeless and so disappointed in myself :(

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Today I was officially diagnosed with EDNOS.
/u/KattyWampus666
Created: Mon Jul 9 09:55:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xcyf0/today_i_was_officially_diagnosed_with_ednos/
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Last week, I finally told my therapist about my food issues. Today, I told my psychiatrist and he stated that he had been suspecting an eating disorder for awhile... Well, it is officially official. EDNOS.

Started out as binge eating, but during the course of weight loss for health reasons (diabetes, fatty liver disease, chronic back/joint pain, infertility caused by PCOS... Still a porker, but objectively much less of a fatty) it went the other way... I just pounded out a long letter to my best friend and my partner trying to explain as best I can what is going on with me............ They are terrified and a part of me (the Monster in my head) is so PROUD. So unbelievably messed up.

He mentioned putting me on Vyvanse, and the Monster in my head was SO happy... In the end, he decided to increase Effexor instead... But the SNRI effects will increase my energy, so fingers crossed my workouts will get even better! Im trying to stay hopeful, maybe at my next appointment Ill get the Vyvanse...

TL;DR... Officially EDNOS. The Monster in my head is so proud.

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[Intro] Back into old habits (Intro?)
/u/sylas69
Created: Mon Jul 9 09:40:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xct5a/back_into_old_habits_intro/
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I had eating disorder issues for two years in my past, I would count calories and restrict and purge and only drink zero calorie drinks for lunch etc etc. I thought I recovered but unfortunately I’m back here and still unhappy with eating and my weight. I’ve denied having an issue again for a few months but now I’m recognizing this is the same behavior as I had before “recovering”. So here I am.

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I think I made a horrible mistake eating pistachios.
/u/dorisholliday
Created: Mon Jul 9 09:34:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xcr8y/i_think_i_made_a_horrible_mistake_eating/
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Last night I wanted a snack and I had a bunch of pistachios I bought because they're healthy and the act of cracking them open forces me to eat them slower. I ate a bunch figuring they're only 3 calories a piece. I didn't count how many... Cut to this morning, I woke up with a TERRIBLE stomach ache. I feel like there's a brick in there. I'm drinking tons of coffee and water waiting for this feeling to pass. I think I fucked up. I was losing weight pretty steadily and I didn't weigh myself today because of this. I was only two pounds away from my goal weight for July, but I feel like I just gained back like four of those pounds. Gahhhh, I'm too old for this shit. I guess I'm fasting today.

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Want a frappe under 50 cals? Recipe in comments
/u/jnlh93
Created: Mon Jul 9 09:12:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xcj7i/want_a_frappe_under_50_cals_recipe_in_comments/
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https://i.redd.it/d9ikz3u0vx811.jpg

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I gained 25 lb in a month
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal
Created: Mon Jul 9 08:39:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xc7kk/i_gained_25_lb_in_a_month/
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Im fucking miserable. I was at 201 last night (196 this morning). 30 days ago I was at 171. This new med made me insatiable. I flushed months of work in 30 days. And now i have to start over

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How to be a supportive friend?
/u/ldreyy
Created: Mon Jul 9 08:39:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xc7j3/how_to_be_a_supportive_friend/
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I’ve recently come to realize that my friend has an eating disorder. I’m not sure on what the specific order is but I just want to be there for her. For the longest time our hang out sessions would be going to eat (burgers, fries, Mexican, desserts). I’m a guy (6’5” 150 lbs) but I never gain weight / think about what I eat and for a long time it didn’t seem like she did either (she wasn’t overweight at all and lived a pretty active lifestyle).

Within the past few months she told be she was starting to be a vegetarian. I didn’t think much of it, I used to be a vegetarian and didn’t have an ED. As the weeks progressed I would continue to invite her out to eat (the invites never came from her anymore) and she would tell me she already ate and would just sit with me while I ate. Now its to the point where she will barely go out at all with me to eat.

While she never flat out told me about her ED I started to notice things. It’s like she was leaving very obvious hints without ever directly saying anything. She always had doctors appointments (her mom had BP disorder/schizophrenia and killed herself when my friend was 14) for her anxiety so when she told me she was starting to see a nutritionist I didn’t think much of it. Other time she snapchatted me a picture of a book about eating disorders. Other time she sent a picture of the punching bag she works out with, but it had a piece of duct tape stuck to it with the words ED written on it. I slowly began to realize what was going on.

From this point on I always tried to be there to support her. I would ask if she wanted to go eat at the local vegetarian cafe (instead of the unhealthy eating spots). She had mentioned how her nutritionist told her she needs to eat 2200 calories a day but she’s never hungry. When she would mention she had only eaten 500 calories that day I would remind her of her nutritionist goal for her and that restricting her diet so heavily wouldn’t do any good for her.

This past weekend we were at a pool party together. Everyone had been drinking more than they should have but we all swam and had a good time. Once we got inside a few of us were hungry and ordered a pizza to be delivered. We were still drunk when the pizza got there and offered her some and she just replied “no do you know how many calories that is”. The rest of us began to eat and she said “maybe if I eat I’ll be able to go to Montana”.
(Quick backstory. Both of us are recently graduated seniors from HS going to college in the fall. Both of us are going more than 2000 miles away from home. Me in California and her in Montana. She was always scared to go away that far but I tried to help her push herself out of her comfort zone and she decided to go to the school in Montana.)
Immediately I was confused and asked her what she meant but she brushed it off. After a few minutes of not letting go of what she had said, she told me that her nutritionist and therapist both think that she shouldn’t go to school so far away because they had just opened so many wounds that need time to heal. I was kind of silent the rest of the night. I just didn’t know what to say.

We haven’t hung out since just snapchatted some. I want to be the best friend possible and help her go through this but I have no clue how to be a supportive friend that goes through this with her but also helps her get better.

---

[Rant/Rave] Feeling like a hypocrite?
/u/metaphoric_mayhem
Created: Mon Jul 9 08:18:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xc0na/feeling_like_a_hypocrite/
---
Does anyone else ever see someone they think might be developing an ED but feel like they cant help because they have one? I think my roommate from college has developed disordered eating habits from being exposed to mine so often and I feel incredibly guilty. The girl I used to nanny also developed an ED and her mom has asked me to talk to her and I feel like I cant turn her down. But what am I supposed to say when I'm being a complete hypocrite?

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[Discussion] What food are you craving right now?
/u/bswifey
Created: Mon Jul 9 08:12:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xbyor/what_food_are_you_craving_right_now/
---
flaming hot cheetos and sour punch straws...

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[Intro] I'm on weight watchers.
/u/wvnderwall
Created: Mon Jul 9 08:00:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xbutf/im_on_weight_watchers/
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I've lost 25 pounds now and I don't look any fucking different. I've lost 10% of my weight. I've dropped a size or two. (More info on that later.) I worked super hard this week to exercise and drink water and green tea but it's never!! enough!! I'm gonna do that one meal a day thing but when I eat I always leave 4 smart points (the way they measure food) because if I eat them all or dip into weeklies I gain. Hard. And since it's only one meal, absolutely no 0 point foods! I was anorexic in 2013-14 I'm thinking? So this is by no means new to me. I'm not calorie obsessed but weight watchers does really help. I just hope that next week when I lose (I hope lololol) that I don't gain it all back. That is if I can make it through day one. Wish me luck.

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I know someone asks this everyday...
/u/wispblue
Created: Mon Jul 9 07:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xbs2g/i_know_someone_asks_this_everyday/
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I'm so so so anxious i couldn't work last week. I can't do this anymore, i need to track my calories again. What app would you recommend? Please. And how can you know it's correct? I can't really trust anything and end up eating only packed food most of the time...

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[Help] How do you know when you fit clothes?
/u/wvnderwall
Created: Mon Jul 9 07:44:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xbpnm/how_do_you_know_when_you_fit_clothes/
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Seriously?? I know 2X is too big (I think?? It's really baggy) but I'm stuff between 1X and XL. I just don't know how to tell if something truly "fits" because I look fat in EVERYTHING.

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[Goal] When you start to see parts of you body for the first time in a long time (or ever???)
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Mon Jul 9 06:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xbat1/when_you_start_to_see_parts_of_you_body_for_the/
---
I was doing my hair this morning, getting ready for work. I raised my hands and started blow drying, and then I [saw my chest bones. ](https://imgur.com/a/atnIRTq) I haven’t seen my friggen chest bones in 2 years. (I’m obviously accentuating my pose to make it more visible to my iPhone camera 😂)

It kind of freaked me out to be honest. I was like “OH! Oh. Oh? This is good? Is this bad? This is good, right?”

It’s interesting seeing my body change. And the majority of the time, the scale changes a lot more frequently for me than I can see in the mirror. But this morning, I actually saw the change.

---

[Help] I'm so freaking out. ...help?
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Mon Jul 9 06:28:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xb4oi/im_so_freaking_out_help/
---
I haven't lost weight in about a week. I'm still overweight and eating about 800 calories a day so I should be losing weight. I'm literally the exact same as then. 147.2. Like, not 147.3 or 147.0. The scale freaking hates me people. So, what do I do? I have a rare metabolic disorder and hypothyroidism that my endo is still figuring out the right dose for, so I get that losing is more difficult but it shouldn't be impossible.

What do I do? I can't really fast. When I fast I do some starving and some binging but a little more binging than starving, so I get fatter and fatter. Do I cut my calories down to 500? Do I pick up marathoning? I just can't deal with this.

I'm sorry for acting like a crazy person but what do I do?

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! July 09, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jul 9 06:13:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xb0pi/weekly_stats_update_july_09_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for July 09, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 09, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jul 9 06:13:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xb0o5/daily_food_diary_july_09_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 09, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Rant/Rave] My flatmates don’t get it
/u/angsty_unistudent
Created: Mon Jul 9 05:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xas2x/my_flatmates_dont_get_it/
---
Long time listener, first time poster... howdy. My flatmates are lovely gorgeous t h i n girls. One is a flexible yoga queen and the other goes on casual 15km runs on the weekend for fun. In shorts.

I, however, am the resident whale with the oh so charming ED. It’s a cycle: restrict, binge, purge, y’all get it. But my flatmates don’t. They don’t even know I have issues. I try to generally keep food off my shelves in the fridge and cupboards when I’m restrictive otherwise if I fall into a binge, I’ll eat ANYTHING. It’s like I’m a shark going into a frenzy. I get comments and deflect and say oh yeah I need to go to the supermarket when I have time lolz.

The girls don’t have any problems with eating and I look at them cook normal, healthy dinners everyday and it sucks. Because I want to be like that. But I’m stuck with stupid intrusive thoughts. So instead, when I fall of the wagon I find myself eating more than an entire pizza and whatever else i can afford/ get my hands on, before purging (attempting to, at least. Still haven’t quite cracked it - I always seem to end up with vomit coming out of my nose.)

This rant has no real point I’m just frustrated. And tired. And living on gum and the occasional Diet Coke, absolutely terrified.

---

My SO and my food
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Mon Jul 9 05:33:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xaqln/my_so_and_my_food/
---
So I've mentioned my (amazing) girlfriend in a few of my posts here. This isn't a bad post about her, I'm just worried about her. So she's trying to lose weight, she's drinking lots of green tea, going for walks and doing it healthily, the problem is when I made cookies she says 'I won't have any' and then eats them, when I had stomach pains (see post history) I took 5 cookies upstairs to eat, felt sick after 4 and left 1 to eat, admittedly I hadn't moved it to near me so she picked it up and ate it, which wouldn't be a big deal but she kept asking for them after that.

I'm worried I'm unintentionally sabotaging her weight loss is what I'm trying to say, I struggle to put my foot down when it comes to her eating my food, she usually eats it when she thinks I'm finished with it so the obvious solution would be to just scarf it down as fast as possible but then I'll feel sick. She's apparently double my weight (she doesn't look like it, she's 6ft and she carries it well), and used to binge eat at least 3 times a week and she's trying to curb it, I wanna help but I'm not sure how, I really don't want my habits of weighing out food, obsessively counting and using bathroom scales to rub off on her, especially given she has two pairs of my scales.

Sorry this is such a mess.

TL;DR I want my girlfriend to be happy and I know she's not happy at her current weight, but I'm worried I'm unintentionally sabotaging her weight loss with my baking/leaving food because of my eating disorder.

---

[Rant/Rave] Visiting Arizona Made Me Want To Cry
/u/chezpajama
Created: Mon Jul 9 05:15:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xamh6/visiting_arizona_made_me_want_to_cry/
---
A little on me, I fluctuate between a normal diet and restrictive behavior. Right now I’m about 5’9 with a 22 BMI netting between 1600 and 1000. I work out 5-7 days a week.

Anyway, I’ve only lived in relatively healthy BMI locations for any length of time. I think I’ve seen maybe 2 morbidly obese people in the last year. So when I visited my boyfriend’s family in Arizona I was in utter shock at how fat everyone was.

And I’m pretty forgiving about what I call fat. I don’t even blink at people who are like a 28 BMI.

In Arizona, that was far less common than someone who was 300+ lbs. Even teenagers were huge.

I told myself I wouldn’t count calories / exercise because I was on vacation. I even suggested we go eat some ice cream at Culver’s because my boyfriend loves ice cream. But then I saw the words “butter burgers” and looked at the calorie counts and felt this icy shame in the pit of my stomach.

I tried to suck it up and suggested sharing but my boyfriend said he didn’t want anything. More shame because it was my idea after all. I don’t even really like ice cream.

I basically ran out of the restaurant because I couldn’t handle it. So fucking embarrassing. I felt like a huge weirdo.

Thankfully my boyfriend just thought I was moody because I was also on my period.

---

[Rant/Rave] make a meal with friends they said, it will be fun they said
/u/sleepyboyblue
Created: Mon Jul 9 05:11:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xalor/make_a_meal_with_friends_they_said_it_will_be_fun/
---
my dumbass forgot normal fucking people use FUCking oil when theyre frying things and i couldn't fucking back out bc we were using one frying pan and now i want to die that was like 300 calories just in oil who the FUCK needs that much oil 'lets cook together sometime soon' let me die first thanks

/rant over

---

How to I stop my flatmates from noticing my lack of food?
/u/angsty_unistudent
Created: Mon Jul 9 04:32:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xad69/how_to_i_stop_my_flatmates_from_noticing_my_lack/
---
In my flat, we each have a shelf in the fridge and in the pantry. I’ve decided to empty my shelves because otherwise I will literally eat everything like a frenzied shark if I fall into a binge. How do I stop my flatmates from noticing? I’m thinking of buying food I don’t like and putting it into containers in the fridge but the lack of vegetables looks weird. Also I don’t want to waste money because I’m a poor student lol. Any advice? My flatmates get concerned easily and I don’t want them to worry.

---

Online space for accountability :)
/u/littlestbaby
Created: Mon Jul 9 03:42:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8xa2sb/online_space_for_accountability/
---
[removed]

---

If any of y’all live in the UK ALDI sell packet risotto literally 222 cals for the packet and the packet has enough to feed me for a whole day with left over! Amazing flavours too!
/u/Nyxx_styxx
Created: Mon Jul 9 03:00:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x9umd/if_any_of_yall_live_in_the_uk_aldi_sell_packet/
---

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Can we talk about Michelle Williams in I Feel Pretty
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Mon Jul 9 02:32:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x9p8o/can_we_talk_about_michelle_williams_in_i_feel/
---
I've never wanted to look like someone so bad...and I'm a person of colour :P

---

How common os it for males to have ED?
/u/cdycwl
Created: Mon Jul 9 02:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x9nqi/how_common_os_it_for_males_to_have_ed/
---
I go through bouts of binge eating, laxitive use, even and multiple days worth of fasting. All to lower my weight and get lean too. Any tips on how to sustain lower weight without having to torture myself? I'm 5"7 and 155lbs

---

[Other] Pre Birthday Fast
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Mon Jul 9 02:05:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x9jss/pre_birthday_fast/
---
My 21st birthday is on Tuesday. I am going to my favorite Italian restaurant in town and I fully intend on fasting all day tomorrow so I can break the fast with an insanely carby meal from this place.

For an appetizer I will split white truffle garlic bread with my family. This is complete with ricotta cheese and marinara.

For my meal I am having herb-crusted salmon with white-bean ragout and broccoli

Dessert? I probably won’t have room but if it’s free- then maybe.

I estimate this meal to be around six trillion calories, but goddammit this is my favorite restaurant in the world and it is my 21st birthday. I only turn 21 once, and it is impossible for me to gain 10 pounds from one meal.

I know that fasting all day tomorrow will “lessen the blow” come Wednesday when I wake up and realize I ate my weight in carbs on Tuesday.

Here’s to hoping I can successfully fast tomorrow, enjoy my birthday on Tuesday, AND not want to die on Wednesday. It’s gonna be a long week my friends.

How do y’all deal with birthdays/holidays/events? Do you take any preventative measures (i.e. fasting) beforehand, or just do damage control afterwards? Fasting the day before is always *emotionally* easier than hate-fasting the next day. Anyone else do this?

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How to increase appetite and deal with a small stomach
/u/NikkiT96
Created: Mon Jul 9 01:50:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x9gvp/how_to_increase_appetite_and_deal_with_a_small/
---
I'm on the road to recovery, actually it's the first day but a journey of a thousand miles yada, yada. But um...after so long of barely eating anything i'm finding it really hard to feel hungry and to even eat very much without feeling SUPER full. Any advice?

---

Motivation Groupchat
/u/shewhomustnotbenxmed
Created: Mon Jul 9 01:41:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x9f0l/motivation_groupchat/
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anyone interested in an ed groupchat? i wanna make one either on twitter, snapchat, instagram, or whatsup

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[Rant/Rave] Am I the only actually obese person here??
/u/wvnderwall
Created: Mon Jul 9 01:07:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x97hf/am_i_the_only_actually_obese_person_here/
---
Uh, so I've been lurking, and everyone's like 5'6" and 105 lbs and 16 BMI like "omg I'm so obese and gross!!" Like yes, I know it's a disorder, but nobody else is actually fat like me?? I'm 5'3" and 227 I think?? And it was like 37 something on the BMI. 99th percentile. I'm ACTUALLY OBESE. LOL. I'm just so mad like y'all are actually insanely skinny meanwhile I have to lift pounds of stomach up just to shave. Rant over.

---

[Tip] Running/jogging tips?
/u/rosycactus
Created: Mon Jul 9 00:10:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x8uai/runningjogging_tips/
---
I know there's a sub for this, but I just wanted to ask people like us.

So I'm just starting out since I have lost enough boobage for it not to be agonizing although the bounce is still uncomfortable. I stay at 600-1000 cals most days. I'm trying to tone my legs and speed up fat loss.

Any tips on frequency, pace, duration, safety? I jog at night because of the heat and less people. Should I have my last meal before or after?

I'd appreciate any information. Thanks!

---

Bittersweet Life Moment
/u/toe-beanz
Created: Sun Jul 8 23:35:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x8m6k/bittersweet_life_moment/
---
Tonight was my last night at my restaurant job of the last 3+ years. It was easy money during college but I recently quit due to the extremely toxic and violent environment that was beginning to develop. I’m so sad because I loved the job and the money, but I’m also secretly happy because I know I will lose weight without it. Quitting means I will no longer have unlimited access to beer and pizza, which I consumed almost daily because it was free and I’m a broke college kid. I’m also sort of pleased about being unemployed for a few months because that means I will have an easy, believable excuse for skipping meals, not buying food, and not going out to eat. Does anyone else get secretly relieved about these sorts of things?

On mobile, sorry, can’t flair.

---

I hate fight club but there’s a great quote.
/u/KatnipAndTuck
Created: Sun Jul 8 23:26:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x8jys/i_hate_fight_club_but_theres_a_great_quote/
---
So I was watching it because I felt like I had to because everyone goes on and on about it. Bleh.

Whatever. The only thing in the sea of toxic masculinity that I felt like I could connect with was the theme of depression and self harm by non direct means. I am not in a bad place right now, but I have been there. There was a quote that fucking spoke to that!

“Self improvement is masturbation, but self destruction...”

This was in reference to looking at an Calvin Klein ad. I feel like it spoke to what I think the difference between 1200 is plenty and here is. Because we both have similar methods and goals but the difference is the motivation. I don’t know what do you think? Also what do you think of the film?

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Haven't been able to eat lately
/u/samuraiscooby
Created: Sun Jul 8 23:23:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x8j9c/havent_been_able_to_eat_lately/
---
So I just thought I'd ask for some advice

I've only really eaten like 3 meals in the past week and I don't know why

I'm not hungry and when I am I kind of have to make myself eat

I feel like I have to slowly work up to it but idk, what is some advice for me

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else struggle to see your body as something sexual?
/u/polishium
Created: Sun Jul 8 23:16:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x8hie/does_anyone_else_struggle_to_see_your_body_as/
---
Sooooo TMI warning.

But I don't just mean "blah blah I'm fat and not sexy" but I really just can't make the connection between my own body and being something that someone would see sexually. Like in the past I've only gotten off (even by myself) when its rough or honestly with some kinda fucked up kinks cause I just get so uncomfortable at the idea of myself being in a sexual relationship where there's mutual attraction there and not having to rely on a kink or something to get off. Because my body could never actually get someone off. And it doesn't help that the last two guys I've been with... didn't actually get off.

And like I was looking up nudes to do some art with and I just couldn't find any non-sexual pictures of female bodies like it's ridiculous I actually COULDN'T find any. Of like a naked chick just chilling, like you could always tell she was posed for the camera and the picture was always just for the viewers consumption. Like how can I tell myself that my body is valid and beautiful and doesn't have to be sexualized when I literally can't even find an example of a female body not sexualized.

I'm just exhausted.

---

[Rant/Rave] Why would my friend do this to me.
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Sun Jul 8 23:14:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x8h4i/why_would_my_friend_do_this_to_me/
---
I made a post here a few days ago about how bad I am in my eating disorder now. You are all so wonderful and I want to thank everyone who responded to me it really really made me feel not alone. Some of your responses brought me to tears and I am still trying to read everything.

Im so exhausted and tried ... My friend who knows I have an ED wanted to get snacks at the grocery. I always just talk about ice cream. It’s my favorite food and she has been picking on me for it. Tonight she’s like let’s get ice cream. We were going to go to a shop but pints are cheaper and easier. We got to the store and she said “are you gonna get ice cream?” And laughed. I get a pint of my favorite and she switches her snack for a veggie tray.



...........then! Tells her bf she’s going on a diet when she gets home. I want to scream so loud. B/P omg this! At least it’s easy. I want to die.

---

[Discussion] Could someone describe something for me?
/u/hannahbananapyjama
Created: Sun Jul 8 22:52:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x8b9w/could_someone_describe_something_for_me/
---
The feeling of when you’re about to faint? Do you *know* or does it just happen?

I’ve never fasted to this point, but I’m trying to go for 3 days. I’ve already just passed one day. My fiancé will be home and I’m nervous about the possibility of it happening in front of him if there aren’t typically any warning signs or oncoming feelings, as he doesn’t know about this. :/

And, if there are oncoming/warning signs, is there anything I can do to stop it from happening? (Obviously eating is one but anything else???)

---

[Rant/Rave] DAE feel so isolated in the “real” world?
/u/justoliverflynn
Created: Sun Jul 8 22:47:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x89vg/dae_feel_so_isolated_in_the_real_world/
---
No one I know has an eating disorder, or at least isn’t open about it, so I just feel like I am so alone sometimes. Like my day to day life is so stressful because it’s always focused around food and no one else around me understands and can talk to me. This is the only community of people I feel understands the crap I am going through but this is only an “online” community and it sucks.

---

Pissed about clothing
/u/Knockemm
Created: Sun Jul 8 22:41:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x88eb/pissed_about_clothing/
---
I dropped a lot of weight really, really quickly. Before I lost the weight, I had some items of clothing in my closet that didn't fit anymore or I bought thinking would fit and then didn't but I kept because 1) I'm too embarrassed to try things on in a store and 2) I'm too embarrassed to return things.

So I've kept off the weight for a few months but it's a difficult balance. I gained all that weight binging. I lost all that weight severely restricting. I need to lose more but I'm worried about going too far again. I wasn't healthy. It wasn't okay what happened. People ask me how I did it and they are so encouraging and I'm sort of proud of me too, but it wasn't healthy. And so I'm ashamed.

Tonight I'm PISSED because I went through my closet again and thought I had already found all my "small" clothing, but I missed some pieces and now my body is TOO small. I'm mad because I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this, I'm sort of ashamed of how all this went down, I have pretty disordered thinking but at least I can WEAR MY DAMN SKINNY CLOTHES. But, no! Missed that window.

Anyway, I know other people have bigger problems and that I'm sort of a large body size to post here. I don't know if this is the right place for this post. Mods can feel free to remove it. But thought someone out there might identify.

---

[Other] ED's in fiction: feed me your thoughts. Pun intended.
/u/cheshire_brat
Created: Sun Jul 8 22:40:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x8853/eds_in_fiction_feed_me_your_thoughts_pun_intended/
---
I know it, you know it. We've all read *Wintergirls* and there's no point in pretending we haven't.

When I was at the height of my illness, in the 2012 heyday of Oh Wow Lovely Cassie and related ED sterotypes in media, I consumed (lol) every single piece of ED fiction I could get my hands on and it was never enough. I don't know if I was just looking for a representation of myself somewhere or whether I was looking specifically for tips and tricks or what my deal was, but I definitely used them at least to intentionally trigger myself.

I am (mostly, sorta) recovered now. The kind where I don't own a scale but still wish I didn't have to possess limbs, and I'm something of a writer, and I want to put some of my experiences into this maybe-a-novel but at this point just a crackpot project I'm trying to write.

I have my own experiences to draw on but I know I'm just one person, and my experiences are not universal or even necessarily typical. I know that by introducing an anorexic character there's a good chance that most to all of my audience will have some flavour of ED. I want to make sure that I do this right, with feedback from the community who is most likely to read this thing if I ever actually finish it.

So if you don't mind, I have some questions.

>1) What ED tropes and stereotypes are you sick of?
>
>2) Would you find it more or less triggering to have a more honest piece of ED media? Something that's not quite so glamourising? I want to talk more about things like ongoing health concerns, damage to interpersonal relationships, and more important the concept of always being "recovering" rather than "recovered".
>
>3) If this ED was semi related to a superpower of sorts but that wasn't necessarily considered a good thing, would you find that to be glamourising? Think like... the concept of religious anorexia and fasting inducing hallucinations/a connection to God. It's hard to explain without giving everything away I think? I'm happy to clarify this further if anyone wants me to.
>
>4) And this one is the big one, do you personally use media pieces about EDs to intentionally trigger yourself/your ED behaviours?

I very much hope this sort of post is allowed - I'm not subbed here to protect my own health. I just want to make sure I get this one right!! I did ask on The Terrible Three Letter Website also but I don't expect much of an answer from that particular echo chamber.

---

i want to write a book about this shit
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Sun Jul 8 22:39:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x87ok/i_want_to_write_a_book_about_this_shit/
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ed books are so overdone though idk how to make it interesting

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my lowest weight ever <3
/u/Kinglens311
Created: Sun Jul 8 22:27:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x84gq/my_lowest_weight_ever_3/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x82b4/my_lowest_weight_ever_3/?utm_source=ifttt

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[Goal] halfway to my goal but there's a catch!!
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Sun Jul 8 22:24:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x83ps/halfway_to_my_goal_but_theres_a_catch/
---
ive been at 120 for 3 weeks at least. haha this is like the most disappointing post ever watch me get banned for a low effort post but uhhhhh im plateauing like a biTCH so yeah that's fun sorry for the shitty post i just needed to rant for a hot sec lol i hate myself :D

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my lowest weight ever <3
/u/whatsupbitchezzz
Created: Sun Jul 8 22:20:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x82b4/my_lowest_weight_ever_3/
---
it's not going to sound like a big accomplishment here, but i am so happy. sorry for the throwaway-looking account, i had problems with my old one and had to start over.

so i'm 5'2 and during my freshman year in college got up to 130 pounds. when i was younger and a cheerleader, i usually hovered around 120, and during senior year i hovered around 124 because of the stress.

anyway, after freshman year, i spent the entire summer dieting and got down to a low of 113.5 (but quickly bounced back up to 114 and plateaued there for a long time). i had an amazing sophomore year, going places and doing things i could've neeeever even imagined --- people, guys especially, treat me WAY different when i look my thinnest.

so the day i went back to school last summer i weighed 114. i ballooned back up to 124 second semester because all my friends went abroad, i broke up with my boyfriend, and i spent most of my time drinking and eating alone and studying, not caring about my looks.

this summer i resolved to lose the weight again plus more. i started the summer at 120 (lost 4-5 pounds before going home) and now after a big purge session am at 112, GOING TO BED! aka i will be lighter when i wake up in the morning and i literally feel like it's christmas eve. i was 113.5 this morning but i just really let myself go with b/p today (which always leaves me thinner at night. i do it when i need a break from restriction) and it's my first time seeing the 112 number.

my gw is 110, ugw (for now. we'll see if it's enough when i get there) is hovering 101-105. i feel like once i'm down into the 1o's I will feel so relieved and so accomplished. i literally haven't weighed less than 110 since i was around 12. i am so happy. this is the only thing going right in my life pretty much and i just don't know what i would do without my weight loss obsession, in a good way.

TLDR I am almost 110, and being below 110 has been my goal for around 5 years. i'm having one of those rare highs where you feel skinny for a few days. i love it.

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[Help] what are some low calorie high fat foods and snacks?
/u/cloudsofdawn
Created: Sun Jul 8 22:10:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x7ze5/what_are_some_low_calorie_high_fat_foods_and/
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So I’m on accutane and for the next 45 days I need to eat 200-500 calories a day to reach my goal weight for an important thing. I plan to do minimal water fasting as well. I love sweets and chocolate so halo top can cover that craving. Since I’m on accutane, even though it’s absorbica/epuris, it’s recommended to eat high fat foods.

I’m looking for food ideas, recipes and just any tips to help out with this. thank u so much !!

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Preworkout and ED
/u/starvy_punk
Created: Sun Jul 8 22:06:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x7yb5/preworkout_and_ed/
---
So im a new pre-workout (Prime) to replace my odd and grotesque monster zero addiction.

Its only 5cal/serving and really hits. Has a good amount of fiber and folic acid as well. I think with vitamins and a couple of feuits a day i could go for seriously lengthy fasts and still have the bump i need for work and skateboarding and existing without crashing all the time. Also gets me drinking more water, which i tend to neglect.

If theres interest, ill update from time to time on how it works out more long term.

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Relapse with new symptoms- Purging.....
/u/NoUniversity9
Created: Sun Jul 8 21:23:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x7ku5/relapse_with_new_symptoms_purging/
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Hi everyone, I don't know if many of you have been in recovery before, but i have been in recovery for a while and I'm relapsing and i just made myself throw up for the first time... i feel really shitty about it because its a new behaviour which makes it feel like i've taken way more steps back than other relapses... Oh my god I'm so annoyed with myself

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how old are you and when did your ed develop?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Sun Jul 8 21:21:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x7k76/how_old_are_you_and_when_did_your_ed_develop/
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i'm fourteen now (young ik) and my first disordered behaviors started when i was eleven

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i just had an emotional binge
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Sun Jul 8 21:11:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x7hh0/i_just_had_an_emotional_binge/
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i hate that my response to negativity is always either eating everything in sight or never eating again. i just binged 2500 calories worth of junk food in the span of 4 hours and now i feel even worse than i did before. 🤢 same old, same old.

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[Help] Do you have these digestive issues?
/u/spaceindividual
Created: Sun Jul 8 21:07:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x7g6p/do_you_have_these_digestive_issues/
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One day I’m constipated and the next one I have very soft stools (mind that I don’t binge, pretty much restrict). It’s like an on and off thing every week. It’s getting really frustrating ughh. I think I have ibs but first I wanted to ask here

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In need of a friend
/u/pb2freak
Created: Sun Jul 8 21:00:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x7e2w/in_need_of_a_friend/
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Id like to make friends with somebody who also gets a little lonely and wants to just randomly text about parts of their day. Ideally, Id like a chat buddy that I can send memes and pictures of random cats I saw on the street, but also be supportive of and someone who understands the inner dialogue of disordered eating.

I want to be clear that I dont want an 'ana buddy' and I dont want to be supporting self-harming habits in any way, but Id like to be a shoulder to lean on and vice versa.

I prefer just chatting over text but I can also do messaging apps or email, or heck, even snail mail. If youre interested, shoot me a PM and we can get to know eachother.

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133 lbs to 137.5 lbs. I’m now at a 22.2 BMI and I’m very afraid.
/u/mvemjsun00
Created: Sun Jul 8 20:51:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x7bjl/133_lbs_to_1375_lbs_im_now_at_a_222_bmi_and_im/
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I’ve been completely out of control, terrible terrible binge, stopped counting entirely and eating everything I can. I want to die. Fuck I hate myself for gaining weight (duh) and it’s dumb because objectively it’s only 5 lbs and I know I can get back down fast if i put my mind to it. 140+ is the area where I start to get extremely depressed, it’s that fucking number that makes me feel like a hopeless pile of shit. I was so close to being in the 120’s. 118 is my ultimate goal. It’s the weight where people tell me I look too skinny. I need to be there already. Why the fuck did I do this to myself

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Friends who pressure you into binging with them.
/u/xivivx
Created: Sun Jul 8 20:49:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x7b08/friends_who_pressure_you_into_binging_with_them/
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My friend was over and insisted on buying me unhealthy food. We both binged on 2000 calories each. Now I’m purging. If I didn’t give into shit like this, I’d be at my goal weight by now.

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[Rant/Rave] so so frustrated!!
/u/rosewhip96
Created: Sun Jul 8 20:46:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x7a5u/so_so_frustrated/
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whenever i go out to eat, half the menu is immediately inaccessible cos of safe foods. it takes me twice as long as "normal" people to go to the grocery store because i spend so much time comparing calories. i stand in front of the pantry for minutes at a time, staring at all the food and wishing i could eat it. i'm always the person who has to watch everyone else eat their ice cream while sitting with a plate of cherries and low fat mush.

i am so fucking sick of thinking about food all the time. it distracts me from school and work and life in general. sometimes i get into a "fuck it hell yeah recovery!!" mindset and eat a drumstick or a kitkat for the empowerment points, only to run to the bathroom to throw up immediately after. it's not even like i find fat bodies unattractive, which makes it even more frustrating that i can't tolerate even the smallest bit of fat.

i miss cake and pasta and peanut butter and overpriced lattes! i'm so jealous when i see people order something without double checking the nutrition facts. i wish i could just eat without being so neurotic and anxious the whole time. i wish i could own my weight, whatever that is, and be comfortable with it. i wish i could be healthy and happy and fine with buying medium clothes.

i can't be the only one who feels this way, right?

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[Discussion] DAE have an “off” day?
/u/undertheweather123
Created: Sun Jul 8 20:30:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x75o5/dae_have_an_off_day/
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When I’m low restricting, I always give myself a cheat day (usually sat or sun) where I don’t binge, but I don’t count cals (or at least try not too) and just eat like how a normal person would. I feel like this helps a lot during the rest of the week, and prevents huge binges. Does anyone else do this or something similar?

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I have to get my weight back down... it’s making me suicidal
/u/AnaIsWaitingxx
Created: Sun Jul 8 20:25:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x74fr/i_have_to_get_my_weight_back_down_its_making_me/
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I’ve binged myself up to almost 300 lbs.... I finally broke and binged and binged for months. I’ve finally got it under control and I’ve maintained a weight of 273... I know. I’ve been doing little fasts here and there but I’m ready to get my weight back down. I want to go on a series of fasts. My plan is to get down to 145 lbs by February. I’m 5’9 for anybody wondering. I HAVE to lose this as I have something coming up and people CANNOT see me like this. Although, 145 isn’t the ultimate goal it’s better than where I’m at right now. I know it’s entirely possible to lose 130 lbs in 30 weeks because people have lost that much in less time. I was hoping for some suggestions or tips to get me through this. I’ll be fasting 2-3 weeks at a time, refeeding, and fasting again. I’ve done this type of fasting before. It works. It won’t be fun, but this weight WILL come off. It doesn’t help the rest of my family is like this. Whenever I lose some weight they always push food on me and buy stuff I love. How can I resist this stuff?

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The nightmare came true. The last few days I've been eating the wrong bread.
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Sun Jul 8 20:10:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x7093/the_nightmare_came_true_the_last_few_days_ive/
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I'm doing this keto thing for a little while and have special 90 calorie 0 carb bread that I eat.

I am oblivious sometimes...and it hurt this time. I have been eating regular bread. They look and taste so similar! I have been grabbing the wrong bread out of the freezer. The "normal" bread I've been accidentally been eating is like air...it doesn't fill you up. I ate 6 pieces in one sitting because I was so starving!!! That would have never happened with my bread cause each slice has like 7g fiber. Plus I'm scared to look how many calories are in the normal slice of specialty bread that my mom buys..

Everything makes sense now. I was kicked out of keto, I gained water weight, I was bloated, I was starving all of the sudden, and I was so frustrated! Also I binged. I ate so much.

Label your food! Ugh:(

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[Rant/Rave] So I’ve relapsed after 5 years.
/u/GIRLWITLOWSELFESTEEM
Created: Sun Jul 8 19:53:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6vh4/so_ive_relapsed_after_5_years/
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I gained about 60 pounds because I started eating like shit all the time and drinking tons of beer plus just laying around all day doing nothing. I’ve lost 25lbs in the past few months from just walking.. but I guess that wasn’t enough for me. It’s like I NEED to be skinny again. My brain won’t stop thinking about losing the weight. I’ll do anything. I weigh myself every day, multiple time a day just obsessing over it. I won’t be happy until I can be skinny again. I ate a slice of pizza today and the feeling of being full just made me feel like I was suffocating so I immediately went to the bathroom to puke it up, I don’t even have to make myself do it, it just happens. I’m already seeing progress, I’ve lost 5lbs in the past week just from not really eating and purging... ugh. I just want my brain to turn off.

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[Goal] Do you have any goal clothes?
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Sun Jul 8 19:49:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6ujx/do_you_have_any_goal_clothes/
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I have an H&M size 2 denim skirt that I REALLY need to fit into at my GW.

I can squeeze into it now but it’s not comfortable

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2 minutes
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Sun Jul 8 19:44:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6t65/2_minutes/
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All it fucking took was 2 minutes of bingeing on chocolate almond butter to bring me from a 600 calorie day to a maintenance one

😆🔫

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Is anyone else fasting tomorrow?
/u/r1cecream-
Created: Sun Jul 8 19:43:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6syu/is_anyone_else_fasting_tomorrow/
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Went over my TDEE today so I'm doing a fast reset tomorrow. I might have a very low cal small breakfast item and tax that onto Tuesday but i'm not sure.

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[Goal] Got a cute black tennis skirt in the mail!!
/u/online-waifu
Created: Sun Jul 8 19:42:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6sgy/got_a_cute_black_tennis_skirt_in_the_mail/
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Anndddd it doesn’t fit. Turns out the sizing was based on Japanese sizes and not American. It barely fit my boyfriend even though he’s as thin as they come

I guess this is my new goal skirt- and I guess I’m gonna lower my calorie allowance by another 100 calories on mfp lmfao

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Ate a reasonable amount and hate myself
/u/SEND_PET_PICS
Created: Sun Jul 8 19:32:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6pt7/ate_a_reasonable_amount_and_hate_myself/
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I've been eating at 500-600 calories for around four weeks and been feeling okay about it, but today I ate around 1100 and I keep feeling guilty about it and the fact that it's all junk food like donuts or ice cream makes it all worse. I wanna excercise until I throw up, or eat even more since I already ruined everythin, or starve for days. And its only 8pm ugh

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[Discussion] Hangry, triggered, judgemental bitchy moment I’m having and need to share
/u/radbitch666
Created: Sun Jul 8 19:31:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6prn/hangry_triggered_judgemental_bitchy_moment_im/
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So there’s this girl I went to school with who has an Instagram account and is ALWAYS posting pictures of models and fitness models being like “why can’t I look like this” and “recovering from an ED is so hard why is my life hard” you get the idea. I can’t help but to feel judgemental because there’s a part of me that thinks that most people with EDs try really hard to keep it to themselves and a secret, and that she’s just trying to get attention. Idk it kind of rubs me the wrong way and I feel like such a shitty asshole for judging her because what if she is suffering :(

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Wishing it would all come back.
/u/tosstoss28
Created: Sun Jul 8 19:31:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6pjf/wishing_it_would_all_come_back/
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I was anorexic through out high school and college and then it all just stopped. I’ve tried and tried to retain the control I lost. I gained almost 75 lbs due to an undiagnosed illness that I’m still struggling to get under control. This past week my boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up and I wasn’t able to eat for days. I thought I finally got my old companion back, but today I’ve binged on two slices of chocolate cake and a bottle of prosecco. I feel like I’m the most pitiful person in the world.

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[Rant/Rave] Exercising >2hrs per day and it feels AMAZING
/u/Bleepbloopbroke
Created: Sun Jul 8 19:29:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6p3o/exercising_2hrs_per_day_and_it_feels_amazing/
---
So I used to be one of those people that would just eat small bits of shitty food and not really exercise too much.

I changed my diet so now I'm eating healthy food. Still getting below 1200 calories a day but I'm also exercising a lot and it feels incredible.

Ever since my diet changed I have so much more energy. I know I'm eating a lot by going up to 1200 per day but still. I'm feeling good, getting fit, and losing the lbs. So excited to lose the next 40 pounds 😂

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don’t ask me if I want foood
/u/pinkdonutdemon
Created: Sun Jul 8 19:17:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6lxo/dont_ask_me_if_i_want_foood/
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I know how selfish and unrealistic this is, and I know I’m the one with the problem, but..... I wish everyone would just never ask me any food related questions ever again. don’t ask if I wanna go get food, don’t ask if I want to try something you made, don’t ask if I want something to eat, don’t ask if I wanna help you cook something or go to McDonalds. And for the love of god don’t try and insist I have some because you think I’m just being polite or anxious, I don’t want your fucking food. I don’t even care if it’s healthy, I don’t care if you’re offering me a vegan cucumber salad, my life revolves around carefully planning my meals and if you don’t ask 24 hours in advance the answer is gonna be no. It’s especially frustrating when people probe and ask why I won’t just eat it. I’m sick of coming up with excuses because “it stresses me out when i don’t know the calories”or”I haven’t planned for it” is unacceptable.
Also I wish my friends would understand there are actually heaps of things to do that don’t involve food. And I’m not gonna feel bad if they’re eating and I’m not. I feel worse when they ask me 1000 times if I’m SURE I don’t want any when I clearly don’t
This is a very stupid post but I’m sick of being offered food multiple times a day by people that know I never say yes

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Thought I was dying.
/u/backpackcats88
Created: Sun Jul 8 19:07:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6jfc/thought_i_was_dying/
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Never mind! Just had flamin' hot cheetos before purging! Oh, silly me! Thought I was vomiting bright red blood for about 10 seconds before my brain switched on and reassured me that I was just a disgusting human being instead.

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"i cant even finish this burger and you're on you're second one."
/u/biblicalirony
Created: Sun Jul 8 18:50:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6f3m/i_cant_even_finish_this_burger_and_youre_on_youre/
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i'd been on a binge-spree for like three days now and while i told myself i'd restrict today, i ended up eating >4000 calories. i started off the day with a light yogurt but i went fucking ravenous around mid-afternoon. i wasnt even fucking hungry. i was just *bored*. i had a huge heaping of this incredibly calorific dinner my mom made yesterday on top of a bunch of old chocolate that wasnt even good and just when you think it cant get better, like 500calories worth of cookies.

so. many. CARBS.

i told myself to stop there but my parents made burgers and my dumb ass went, "hey, might as well go big and not home." so i got a burger and it didnt even really taste that good but i finished it anyway and went onto my second one because i fucking HATE myself and my sister just gave me the most disgusted look on her face and just like the title said, proceeded to compare my eating habits to hers. okay yeah thanks for your concern? like, *fuck*, i know my eating habits are unhealthy as shit but it's just so frustrating because i just cant fucking eat without being policed for it. and there's a part of me that feels like im overreacting but im just.. idk. im fucking pissed. both because of her comment and how much control i've lost. i plan on ~restricing~ i.e. fasting for like the next few days to compensate for how much i've eaten these past few days so its aight (unless i binge again. let's hope not) but im just.. really frustrated right now lol

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[Tip] Sunflower seeds
/u/mdmnore88
Created: Sun Jul 8 18:50:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6eyq/sunflower_seeds/
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I love them still in their shells. If I am craving salt they are great. Plus you don't even have to eat them. It's great if you just want a taste of something.

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[Rant/Rave] Relapse.
/u/killerxcatharsis
Created: Sun Jul 8 18:48:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6ec2/relapse/
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I’ve been away for awhile and I’ve gained so much weight, I can’t stand it. I think (not sure) but I’m pretty sure I’m clinically overweight now. I can’t live like this. It’s summer and I can’t even wear shorts to work bc I have my legs. I have to wear a medium work shirt bc the small feels too tight. I hate this. I have 3 months and a few days to get back down to just above my lw. It’s like half my current weight. I’m tired. I can’t believe I started right back where I came from.

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Chinese steam buns calories? I'm freaking out haha
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Sun Jul 8 18:44:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6ddc/chinese_steam_buns_calories_im_freaking_out_haha/
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So I got some vegetable steam buns from my local Asian market. According to the nutrition label, each 66g bun has 100 calories. [Here's the label](https://imgur.com/a/8cTjKBL). I ate three for dinner tonight and I just feel really FULL which is freaking me out. (Planned to just have 2 but my mom cooked up 3, but that's a tangent for another day). It just feels too... *satiating* for only 300 calories. Is 100 calories a pop realistic for something like this??

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[Tip] protip: walking
/u/ursula_her_majesty0
Created: Sun Jul 8 18:36:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x6b3c/protip_walking/
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although it seems kinda stupid, (and i was even doubting it) walking made me feel SO much better. long story short i had a mega binge at an unexpected pool party, and was feelin like an obese whale. i decided eh, why not and took about a 20 minute walk. and y’all. not only did i feel so much better, i cleared my head, had some time alone and was jamming out to The Neighbourhood along the way. will definitely do this after every (sadly inevitable) binge.

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Haven't been underweight for 5 months but still no period?
/u/missalligator
Created: Sun Jul 8 18:31:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x69wk/havent_been_underweight_for_5_months_but_still_no/
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Jw if anyone has had experience with this. I'm 5' 2" 102 lbs now but I still haven't had my period for a year and a half. I guess I expected it to come back since I've been eating maintenance or higher since March but still nothing. Kinda feels like I'm failing at recovery although I'm sure my body just needs time to readjust.

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I can't stop sabotaging myself by having "just one bite"
/u/lonelysweetpotato
Created: Sun Jul 8 18:28:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x68ze/i_cant_stop_sabotaging_myself_by_having_just_one/
---
Why do I do this to myself? I'd be at my GW in no time if I could stick to my plan and yet I screw it up every day. For me what works is no breakfast, no lunch, and then whatever I want under 700 calories for dinner.

It's actually really easy for me to do IF I don't eat anything until dinner. But if I do eat anything, and I mean ANYTHING, even just a little bite...it's over. Once I have that one bite all I can think about is food and I end up failing to stick to my plan.

I will NOT have "just one bite today". I'm going to be skinny for my favorite time of year (Fall), i'm going to wear the clothes I actually like instead of a T-shirt and jeans, and i'm going to move on with my life and have other goals besides being skinny.

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[Rant/Rave] Signs/omens
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Sun Jul 8 18:08:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x63t0/signsomens/
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How is it that I’m the most skeptical/non-superstitious person in regards to pretty much everything except food/eating? I’m an atheist, and I’m not into mysticism or anything *at all*, but then if (for example) a store doesn’t have a specific ingredient I was after I’ll be like ‘well, obviously that’s a sign from the universe that I shouldn’t be eating’

I recently moved into a house which I’m sub-letting for the summer. It’s shared with 4 other people, 2 of which are really pretty and skinny girls. I have autism so it’s already difficult for me to get used to using a new kitchen, but because of my ED, I hate using it in front of them even more.

It’s like 1 in the morning here, and I hadn’t heard anybody up and about for a bit, so I thought it’d be safe to go down and poach an egg for dinner before bed. Literally as I got to the kitchen, the two said pretty girls got back home and came through to the kitchen, already making me super uncomfortable about cooking. They started talking about some gross shit which put me off my food (they called somebody because they thought there was a gas leak downstairs, turned out the smell was from poop which had been sat in unused pipes from the downstairs building + the hot weather). I used the microwaveable egg poacher so that I could get out of there as soon as possible, and then it ended up exploding in the microwave. I’m guessing it was a higher wattage than the microwave in my old apartment, but that was the last straw. Decided that the universe doesn’t want me to eat.

The girls were like ‘why didn’t you just make one on the hob?’ and it’s not like I could be like ‘because your presence makes me really uncomfortable’. The girls went through to bed as I cleaned the microwave and I was just so close to sobbing. I’m so embarrassed.

---

[Discussion] anybody else low key wanna die so you just really can't give a rat's ass about recovery?
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Sun Jul 8 17:56:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x60op/anybody_else_low_key_wanna_die_so_you_just_really/
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I'm an 18 year old high school dropout in a dead end town, known for nothing but meth amphetamine and the some of the highest rates of domestic violence per capita in the whole nation. I, like every other girl in this town, was raised to have no ambition. You graduate high school, you get married, you pop out a couple kids and twenty years later you're the same sad divorcè your mother was.

I have no money. I have no car/can't drive and there is nothing even resembling infrastructure in this town; no buses, no taxi, not even uber.

I've been looking for jobs anyway, even though i can't any walk the twenty fucking miles in either direction to get to and from a job. Everything requires either extreme physical labor (must lift 80lbs on a regular basis- not gonna happen when that's how much i fucking weigh) or- gasp!- a high school diploma, which i could get because I am 1) just plain stupid 2) too hungry/hyper/depressed to focus at any given moment and 3) was wasted basically all of my senior year. The cherry on top, i was a homeschool kid who never actually did any work for most of my school years so i'm academically somewhere around a sixth grade level. My insanely religious parents didn't want me around the ~influence of the world~ so i was never allowed to go to school, lest i make friends with worldly girls and boys (wtf?).

I've been fucking crazy since day 1. I would have these terrible screaming meltdowns my whole life, even as young as 7/8 about how i wanted to die and i'd even try to suffocate myself on a regular basis. But, my parents and their religion opposed mental health care and rather than accept my state, they ignored it until i was 14 and in the hospital, dying from this disease.

Sometimes i really wish that had been the end. I wish i'd slipped away before any of this shit mattered- before I was an adult with no idea what that means because i was smothered and controlled to such a point where i don't know what it means to be an individual. All that smothering didn't even do any good, as i still managed to collect enough trauma to render me a useless alcoholic before i'm even old enough to buy that shit myself.

The other night I was so drunk I couldn't move. I wasn't seeing straight, my stomach was on fire, my thoughts vanished like unraveling threads as quick as they could form, but i held onto one, and that was that if i had died then, in that moment, i wouldn't have cared.

So how could i possibly find the strength to try to fight this disorder that i've fought for so long, to save a life i don't want to live, when nothing even works anyway?

---

Why on earth are bagels the only food that keep me full all day??
/u/couldbefatter
Created: Sun Jul 8 17:55:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x60gi/why_on_earth_are_bagels_the_only_food_that_keep/
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Please help me understand this. I have horrible BED. Once I start eating and/or get anywhere near my daily calorie goal, I usually can't stop eating. My solution is OMAD as late in the day as possible.


HOWEVER, if I eat a bagel in the morning, I just don't feel hungry again until really late in the evening, if at all . HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?? Aren't they pure carbs? Shouldn't it have the opposite effect on me? Anyone else notice this?

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[Rant/Rave] Level unlocked : a new type of pain
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Sun Jul 8 17:44:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x5xij/level_unlocked_a_new_type_of_pain/
---
Y’all I’m closer to being clinically underweight than a healthy weight and still professionals are crappy. The scale has fluctuated down to 47.5kg which would put my BMI at 16.4 however I’m hesitant to update because fluctuations are unreliable.

The past few days have brought a new type of pain: every time I run (or sometimes even walk) I immediately get what feels like a stitch. I never eat less than 1.5 hours before a run and always warm up well, but my stomach just seems to be so permanently taught that it physically hurts.

This is a new pain and I’m not liking it. I’ve actually been actively trying to gain weight recently but keep losing - this is very not good at all. I look terrible now and have genuine concerns that I’ll be unable to prevent hospitalisation at some point, in spite of all my efforts.

Don’t get to my level: it’s not fun being seriously underweight, it’s uncomfortable, it’s concerning, IT’S A TRAP.

---

[Discussion] Refeeding bloating is enough to trigger a relapse
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Sun Jul 8 17:23:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x5s7t/refeeding_bloating_is_enough_to_trigger_a_relapse/
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That’s it. It’s so annoying and I can’t get it to go away. It’s been like 2 weeks since the refeeding started and I’m still a bloated whale. Why body. Why must you do this??

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I've made my life extremely busy so that I don't binge as much
/u/hoarderline
Created: Sun Jul 8 17:14:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x5pw1/ive_made_my_life_extremely_busy_so_that_i_dont/
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Took a stressful full-time shitty retailjob that requires me to burn calories. Made it so that I have to commute about an hour away. It's a good distraction from all of my problems. Got to one of my goal weights

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[Discussion] Anyone else who purged and can't burp anymore?
/u/batshitbaby
Created: Sun Jul 8 17:10:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x5oxj/anyone_else_who_purged_and_cant_burp_anymore/
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Idk if its related but my friend (who also has bulimia) brought it up and I was like wtf I noticed the same thing. We both haven't purged in months but still have stomach issues. I'm drinking soda right now and I can't burp without making weird sounds. Sometimes it just comes out on its own making all kinds of weird noises. Its annoying

I looked it up and I think its called 'gurgling'

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[Help] Fitness trackers?
/u/spyrothedaddy
Created: Sun Jul 8 17:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x5ovc/fitness_trackers/
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I want a fitness tracker but don’t want to spend £100 on a Fitbit. Anyone know of any cheaper alternatives that are actually accurate?

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Dodging a relapse?
/u/oreogoddess
Created: Sun Jul 8 17:03:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x5mro/dodging_a_relapse/
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Hey guys, I’m feeling the ED pull again. I was on here under a different account about this time last year and lost about 35% of my body weight in like 4 months (and like 20% of my brain it felt like...)

Anyone know about successfully dodging a relapse?

I had lost about 7 lbs in May because I was sad over having to say goodbye to my therapist. Just ordinary appetite loss—not deliberate restricting... that happens, right? Well, maybe more so if your habits are all messed up from a previous ED.

But then I had an intake appointment with a new therapist a few weeks ago and she kept pushing the ED angle. She wouldn’t drop it. It’s like she flipped back that old “I’ll show YOU restriction! Just watch!!” response of mine. Ahhhh!!! It’s like the freaking matrix in my head with cascading numbers and planning unnecessary weight loss.

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[Goal] I finally set a goal!
/u/hewwo_uwu
Created: Sun Jul 8 16:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x5jlf/i_finally_set_a_goal/
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It feels like I never have any progress, even though I've lost 75lbs in 8 months already. So today, I chose a date and a goal weight, and I'm honestly a little excited for it!
As of 7/8/18, I'm 215lbs and 5'4. By 1/15/19, I hope to update you guys again at 150lbs (and I can only pray a little taller! LOL)
Wish me luck, and good luck to anyone else hoping to meet their next goals 💖

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Why can't I just stop fucking eating forever
/u/paavllova
Created: Sun Jul 8 16:21:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x5brn/why_cant_i_just_stop_fucking_eating_forever/
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I keep going over my limit. This month was, and probably is going to be terrible for me. Today started off great, I skipped breakfast and had 145 calories worth of watermelon for lunch. I planned just to have a sub and halo top for dinner so I would end up with 835 calories for the day. Well apparently that wasn't enough for my brain to handle and I had 530 calories worth of pound cake.

It's not much but it's enough for me to feel like shit. I thought I would actually do it today.

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Anybody else watching the MPA train wreck? Have you joined EDC?
/u/TessTobias
Created: Sun Jul 8 16:16:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x5a9s/anybody_else_watching_the_mpa_train_wreck_have/
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[Rant/Rave] Survived the beach!! Lunch and NO anxiety attacks!!!!
/u/Lolololrip
Created: Sun Jul 8 16:15:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x5a11/survived_the_beach_lunch_and_no_anxiety_attacks/
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Guys i went to the beach today and actually wore a swim suit without an anxiety attack about it! AND I had lunch after I went and DIDNT throw it back up!! Its only been a day since i havent purged but being able to do this has me in such a motivational mind set because I feel okay about eating with a swim suit. I had to really rationalize it but I did it!!!

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[Rant/Rave] Either respect that I don’t want my picture taken, or respect that I won’t eat after seeing it
/u/malificentbeauty
Created: Sun Jul 8 16:09:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x58qh/either_respect_that_i_dont_want_my_picture_taken/
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I have told ALL of my family members many many times to not take my picture. Just don’t do it. And if you do, I don’t want to see them. It’s a BIG trigger for me and I fucking hate how fat I always look in them.

My parents never made me so get help for my ED, but they did sit me down when I first started reaching danger zone thin years ago and asked wtf I thought I was doing AND made me go to an eating disorder museum gallery (thx for the major thinspo mom and dad) and basically threatened inpatient if I got any smaller. So I forced myself to act normal but went through less obvious ups and downs.

Now I’m in restriction mode again hard and my mom sends me a picture of myself from today. They KNOW I hate seeing myself, they KNOW I have a disordered relationship with food, WTF do they do this to me??? Tomorrow I’m fasting.

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[Discussion] Where do y'all buy clothes when you're hopelessly underweight?
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Sun Jul 8 16:09:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x58ju/where_do_yall_buy_clothes_when_youre_hopelessly/
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My size 00 shorts have been too loose for basically an entire year but i just cant find anything smaller. I'm 5'2", been bouncing around high seventies/low eighties for a couple of years, and I just really want some goddamn pants that fit, but it's pretty much impossible to find anything smaller than a 25" waist. Vanity sizing keeps pushing that number up even higher and it's incredibly frustrating.

Anyone know any stores that carry a 000?

All online searches turn up nothing but angry buzzfeed-type articles criticizing the existence of any clothing smaller than a size 2, like small clothes cause eating disorders *eyeroll* but that's a whole other issue.

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[Rant/Rave] Hate myself too much to enjoy sex
/u/gothbaseball
Created: Sun Jul 8 16:07:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x57zr/hate_myself_too_much_to_enjoy_sex/
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So I recently hooked up with a guy I barely know (totally out of character for me!!) and it has been a WHILE since I’ve had sex... like a year. And I couldn’t stop thinking about how fat I must look when I’m lying there with my legs up and ugh!!! I wonder if the reason I’m never able to reach orgasm is because I hate myself waaaay too much to get there. It’s been a few days and neither of us has messaged the other. I’m not interested in him romantically at all, but because I’ve never had a hook up I don’t know if it’s normal for no communication? I’m just assuming he was disgusted by my fat body and ashamed of having sex with me so he’s avoiding me forever now.

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[Help] Nutrition vs calories
/u/GingerWithSunscreen
Created: Sun Jul 8 16:03:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x56vv/nutrition_vs_calories/
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Question. If I'm meeting all of my nutrition needs (protein, iron, mineral, vitamins etc) does it matter if Im in a calorie deficit? I eat alot of meal replacement shakes (mostly vega all in one) and restrict to about 800 calories a day. According to cronometer I hit my targets so am I really doing any harm?

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[Rant/Rave] i physically cannot stop myself from eating
/u/ursula_her_majesty0
Created: Sun Jul 8 15:59:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x55zc/i_physically_cannot_stop_myself_from_eating/
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ugh. i went to a pool party today with really short notice, so i had already eaten a 600 cal lunch. i told myself i was just going to have fruit, then that turned into fruit and one cookie, then 8 cookies. it kept going and i must’ve eaten at least 1,000 cal in sweets and carbs and i CANT STOP. even when my someone said “wow, you’ve been eating since you got here, what’s up with that” GOD I DONT KNOW BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE AN OBESE WHALE AND IM SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE BEACH TOMORROW
sorry, rant over 😓😪

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ER Yesterday - Job vs. ED ?
/u/Betweengreen
Created: Sun Jul 8 15:56:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x551u/er_yesterday_job_vs_ed/
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Yesterday I was AT WORK (I'm a nurse) and was having a hard time thinking straight. I thought it was because I had only gotten 4 hrs of sleep the night before
Then, my vision started changing, and I felt very dizzy. I have felt lightheaded before and this was *so* different. It was scary.
I hadn't eaten, so I thought my blood sugar was probably low. I ran to the snack room (which is for patients) and chugged an apple juice and ate Grahm crackers. Still, my symptoms persisted.
I decided to check my vital signs, maybe my blood pressure was low? my vitals were TOTALLY NORMAL. At this point I started getting scared like there was a real medical issue going on in my brain.
At any rate, I told my Team Leader (manager) whom quickly decided I could not take care of patients in this state, and told me to go the ER. The ER nurse didn't take my symptoms seriously. The doctor told her to give 1 Liter of IV fluids. And after 30 minutes, my symptoms went away.
What I am most upset over, however, is needing to miss work because of this. I am type A. I am an excellent nurse. I don't let anything slip through the cracks.
Now my ED is affecting my job and I feel like I have to make a choice.....

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i physically cannot stop myself from eating
/u/ursula_her_majesty0
Created: Sun Jul 8 15:48:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x52wo/i_physically_cannot_stop_myself_from_eating/
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ugh. i went to a pool party today with really short notice, so i had already eaten a 600 cal lunch. i told myself i was just going to have fruit, then that turned into fruit and one cookie, then 8 cookies. it kept going and i must’ve eaten at least 1,000 cal in sweets and carbs and i CANT STOP. even when my someone said “wow, you’ve been eating since you got here, what’s up with that” GOD I DONT KNOW BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE AN OBESE WHALE AND IM SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE BEACH TOMORROW
sorry, rant over 😓😪

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[Other] Is it just me or are a lot of people on this sub in really awful relationships?
/u/shonamairead
Created: Sun Jul 8 15:39:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x50e1/is_it_just_me_or_are_a_lot_of_people_on_this_sub/
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I have read so many posts where OP is like 'today my SO said hurtful thing to me and it ruined my day' or 'my SO sabotaged me' etc. I just want to give you all a huge hug and tell you that you deserve so much more and you're all so amazing.

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HAHAHAHAHA FUCK ME. Got on the scale
/u/skinnyhero
Created: Sun Jul 8 15:33:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x4yv1/hahahahaha_fuck_me_got_on_the_scale/
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I've been on vacation and I just got on the scale and I'm up five pounds!!! FUCK. I know it's bloat/late in the day/whatever but I still feel like supreme garbage. I'm supposed to be maintaining but all I want to do is cut. I have a race in a week and I need to be strong for it but I feel like absolute garbage and pretty much the last thing I care about is this race. Except I do care. Logically I care and I know it has meaning, but I can't feel it.

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Not sure if this is allowed but..
/u/essiecae23
Created: Sun Jul 8 15:33:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x4yr8/not_sure_if_this_is_allowed_but/
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Would anyone be interested in being a "diet buddy" I need someone to help hold me accountable.

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OMAD people - how do you deal with evenings?
/u/FeedMeDreams
Created: Sun Jul 8 15:24:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x4w5x/omad_people_how_do_you_deal_with_evenings/
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I have been trying to make incremental progress with getting control over my diet. Cutting out certain binge foods, intermittent fasting, not drinking every night. It's not working. Somehow I manage to eat a little more during each binge, or purge a little less, and I'm still gaining weight. I can manage to eat just below maintenance maybe once or twice a week. The rest of the time it's a fucking freak show. Hopefully only eating once a day will help. But I usually eat with my coworkers, so my one meal needs to be at lunch. And evenings are my worst time for boredom eating. What do non-bingers do in the evenings?

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[Other] My veins have been getting really blue (they are even more blue and pronounced in person). Is this normal? You can see them all up my arm and through my hands.
/u/AnAccidentSince1997
Created: Sun Jul 8 15:01:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x4pnv/my_veins_have_been_getting_really_blue_they_are/
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https://i.redd.it/lm701kbcgs811.jpg

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[Goal] Thigh gap thigh gap thigh gap 😄
/u/BunnyAwesome
Created: Sun Jul 8 14:51:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x4nh9/thigh_gap_thigh_gap_thigh_gap/
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Hey I'm sorry to just blurb this out here but there's nowhere else I can say this and be proud but for the first time in many many months I have a thigh gap. We're talking probably years since I had one. I bit the bullet and do 4-6 miles walking a day and restrict to under 1200, last few days under 800 and started on an EC stack for the first time and it's showing and I couldn't feel stronger or happier and it's amazing.

Sorry! I just needed to say that! It's given me so much motivation!

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Going out for dinner with my Grandparents
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Sun Jul 8 14:47:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x4mhx/going_out_for_dinner_with_my_grandparents/
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I looked up to menu to the restaurant we're doing to and it says nothing about the calories. My anxiety is so high right now and there's no way for me to get out of it... I feel like crying but I don't wanna fuck up my make up lmao there's no vegan dishes and the salads all have cheese and some type of meat in them.

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[Help] Dont know what to do
/u/shiratakisamurai
Created: Sun Jul 8 14:37:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x4jn1/dont_know_what_to_do/
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I just made this account so noone that knows me can find it but I lurk here all the time.

I, like a lot of people here, have a list of fear foods. Most of them are pretty typical, bananas, full carb breads/baked goods, nuts, oil, sugary things, etc, but recently water is becoming more and more of a fear food. I literally find myself unable to drink water at all, currently it's been days. I just can't stand how heavy it feels. I know it's not fat but i cant help but weigh myself after drinking it and feel like shit. Also I'm dehydrated enough now that if I do drink my body holds on to it, so it's not even like the weight is gone the next morning

I'm gonna try to start drinking a bunch of water next week, after I come back from seeing my family (I'm at college right now) and not weigh myself at all. The problem is I've made that resolution before and it fell through when my stomach expanded a bit.

Idk lol I just needed to get it off my chest. Sorry guys

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Does anyone know if using baking powder after purging works the same as baking soda?
/u/sadgab_
Created: Sun Jul 8 14:37:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x4jev/does_anyone_know_if_using_baking_powder_after/
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So I know you’re supposed to rinse your mouth out with baking soda and water after purging but i was at my parents house today and they didn’t have any so I looked at the ingredients of the baking powder and saw that the first ingredient was baking soda so I just decided to use it and hope for the best. It also had other random chemical ingredients in there that I didn’t know what they were so I was just wondering if anyone knows if the other chemicals mess up the neutralization of the stomach acid or if it’s safe to use in a pinch??

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[Rant/Rave] I had the PERFECT week.
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs
Created: Sun Jul 8 14:28:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x4gtc/i_had_the_perfect_week/
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This month I started a new plan. I put up a calendar on the whiteboard of my home office where I can check off and record everything. Keeps me accountable because my SO can see it too. I added an additional daily workout onto my already very active routine, and decided to stick to 1000-1400 cal a day.

Each day I check off my workouts and record calories consumed and burned. I started on 7/1, weighed, took pictures, took all my measurements, etc. and waited until today to check them again. And Y'ALL.

I lost almost three pounds, an inch off my waist, two off my hips, one off my butt, and a half inch off my thighs in the past WEEK. One week keeping to my routine, without bingeing and adding just 30 minutes of strength training, and I got those results. (This was all on my period, too.)

I thrive so well when I have an established routine and follow it no matter what. If I have several more perfect weeks like this...I'm golden. At this rate I'll reach my GW in no time. I'm so happy and SO hopeful. I might actually get there without starving myself and bingeing every weekend. I don't want to jinx it, but I think I found what works for me.

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Do the people around you encourage this?
/u/princesszelda00
Created: Sun Jul 8 14:22:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x4f4c/do_the_people_around_you_encourage_this/
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Last time my lowest weight was like 101 pounds and all anyone said was how great I looked or at worst some sarcastic commend like "haha I hate u skinny bitch". I'm kinda trying to get back there maybe a bit less just cause I personally like that best on myself but like I feel a bit weird about the fact that everyones reaction just basically confirms that my slightly neurotic thought process is totally accurate. Anyone else relate?

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[Rant/Rave] What is 'Full'?
/u/dortuh
Created: Sun Jul 8 14:17:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x4dqk/what_is_full/
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Seriously though... I don't remember the last time I felt perfectly full, like it was time to stop. I'm sure it's been at least 7 years. I'm always hungry. Doesn't even matter if I'm fasting, if I've eaten lunch, or if I've eaten everything in the kitchen. I have to go by the amount I've eaten to know when to stop. And on the days I'm not counting, I can eat forever. People want to know where I put it all. I don't even know.

Right now I feel very hungry, but I know if I give the gut beast something, it's not going to be enough. It never is. It will just start something that's not going to stop.

Sometimes after eating massive portions, I can get to my version of full. But it's not a satisfied full, it's just a so sick I can't possibly eat more full. But the problem is, that passes within an hour, and I'm mentally hungry again.

I could easily have BED, but I can't let it happen. I have to regulate... Tell myself no most of the time, but let loose on special days. All while my weight fluctuates obnoxiously, but never gets to where I want it. I know you guys get this. I've been fucking around with the same 5 pounds for a while now. And soon I'll go back to heavy restriction so I can lose 10 lbs just so I can eat it all back again.

I just want to feel that normal healthy full. Real full. Not sick full. I don't think I can have that.

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[Rant/Rave] XS belt is too big for me :(
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Sun Jul 8 13:58:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x48bm/xs_belt_is_too_big_for_me/
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I bought this XS belt from Forever 21 a few weeks ago while I was visiting my parents and I guess I lost the weight I put on from them always feeding me and now the belt I bought is too small. I'm on the tiniest hole and it's the smallest size belt they have but my pants still don't fit right with it because it's loose! I know this is like exactly what I wanted to look like when I started losing weight, but how am I suppose to look good if everything I own starts to hang off of me :( I can't even wear jeggings anymore because all the ones I own are baggy on me now

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Izabel Goulart's workout videos are such good inspo xx
/u/adegreeinbirdlaw
Created: Sun Jul 8 13:45:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x44rx/izabel_goularts_workout_videos_are_such_good/
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https://www.instagram.com/p/BaKFOhYFwFC/?taken-by=izabelgoulart

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[Help] How safe is long term Bronkaid use?
/u/tifaloch
Created: Sun Jul 8 13:21:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x3y9z/how_safe_is_long_term_bronkaid_use/
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I take Bronkaid (2 caps) every day. One in the AM with a big cup of black coffee, and one around 2pm with another big cup of black coffee. Keeps me focused at work and feeling good and not hungry. Love it.

I have been doing this off and on, but mainly on, since about November/December of 2017.

Recently tho, I’m having major shortness of breath and just feeling dizzy and weird. Now i’ve freaked myself out that i’ve destroyed my body. I probably just have heat stroke as it’s like 110 in my house.

But can anyone tell me about how long term you’ve used Bronkaid? Or the safety of it long term?

Thanks!!

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[Discussion] Every day a new thing to feel insecure about!
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Sun Jul 8 13:17:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x3x3u/every_day_a_new_thing_to_feel_insecure_about/
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Today mine is that I’ve realized I don’t have a long torso, like I’ve always thought, but actually a very short one. Combined with my short legs I feel like I’ll look stumpy and stocky forever, regardless of my weight. Super discouraging. Does this happen to anyone else, where every day you find something new to be insecure about?

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[Rant/Rave] I hit a deer after buying food and now I can't eat
/u/snaafuuu
Created: Sun Jul 8 12:54:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x3qit/i_hit_a_deer_after_buying_food_and_now_i_cant_eat/
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Like the title, yesterday I went to go get breakfast for my sister and I and hit a deer on the way home.

She was fine, I was going really slow and she got up and bounced away and my car wasn't too damaged besides a busted headlight, but it was so traumatizing I gave all the food to my sister and haven't eaten since.

I've lost a few pounds from just yesterday but at what fucking price. I had a nightmare about it last night, like I relived it. I'm afraid to drive and I feel so guilty I have no appetite. I don't know, I needed to talk about it. Sorry guys.

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FOOD STEALER!
/u/UnderseaK
Created: Sun Jul 8 12:52:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x3q3w/food_stealer/
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I ate too much last night. Not exactly a binge, but still about 500 cals over my plan. So today I had a very strict plan. I stayed up for an hour last night after my husband went to bed, carefully crafting it. It was perfect.


AND THEN SOMEONE ATE MY FUCKING PLAN!


Two of the foods my plan basically consisted of, and all my diet pepsi. I. Am. So. Pissed. I searched the whole fridge, and just started crying when what happened sunk in. I don't even know what to do now. 😫

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[Rant/Rave] Time to lose it
/u/imgonnaloseitall
Created: Sun Jul 8 12:39:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x3mcf/time_to_lose_it/
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In 2015 I was at my lowest weight, 125lbs, but since then my weight has fluctuated, resulting in my current weight being 165.1 lbs. This is the heaviest I've ever been, and it's tearing me apart. Years of binges have lead to [this ](https://imgur.com/a/TJ2WY27) and I'm sick and tired of looking at this. (Apologies for the image, my full length mirror smashed a while ago)

I've decided to kick things up a notch, and intensify my restriction. I have a goal weight of 130 lbs and I intend to get there. Every time I look in the mirror I feel disgusted with myself, and it's time for a change. I'm tired of the endless binging and purging, I'm tired of people commenting on my weight, I'm tired of feeling like shit, I'm tired of being a monster.

It's taken so much courage to post these pictures, but I needed to post them so that every time I open this app, I remember today, the day I promised myself a better body, the day I promised you guys that I will change. This post is my promise to both you guys, and myself, that I will reach my GW, no matter what.

130 lbs, here I come.

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[Goal] I'm going to the gym today
/u/spaghetti_girl
Created: Sun Jul 8 12:17:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x3gbk/im_going_to_the_gym_today/
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It's been a shit weekend. I haven't moved yet today. But I am going to the goddamn gym because I made a freaking schedule to get back on track and it's only day 2.

That is all. Wish me luck

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Saw this and thought of this sub. Coke Zero is bae 👅😍
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Sun Jul 8 12:06:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x3dbk/saw_this_and_thought_of_this_sub_coke_zero_is_bae/
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https://i.redd.it/pmh1s9edjq811.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I can’t do this anymore.
/u/shapay199
Created: Sun Jul 8 12:00:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x3bsh/i_cant_do_this_anymore/
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I’m so done. I will never stop binging. And I will never be thin again. I’m barely living, my entire world revolves around binging or not binging. I haven’t left the house in a week, and I don’t even want to. I always tell myself and everyone „well yes I’m depressed but nooo I don’t want to die“. Yes I do. I won’t kill myself because I don’t want to disappoint my family and friends and be that girl, but I fucking pray that a car hits me or a meteor just falls on me. It’s not worth it if all you ever do is shuffle between numbing the pain or crying. Life can go fuck itself.

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[Other] found this in my notes and it’s starting to become more and more relatable again
/u/smolbeanbaby
Created: Sun Jul 8 11:38:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x35ji/found_this_in_my_notes_and_its_starting_to_become/
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https://i.redd.it/a10m6i88gr811.jpg

---

Can I really expect to keep this up or am I crazy?
/u/thingsarestranger
Created: Sun Jul 8 11:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x35fy/can_i_really_expect_to_keep_this_up_or_am_i_crazy/
---
So lately I’ve been eating 1200 cals and burning 1100 in the gym (work on my feet and walk everywhere so I can’t really low restrict like I want to) and I’m expected to lose 0.5 pounds a day. How long do you think it’s realistic to keep doing this? If I did it for a month I’d lose about 15 pounds putting me around 120 pounds (way closer to my goal than my current)

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else eat an obscene amount of sugar free jello?
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Sun Jul 8 11:33:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x33zg/does_anyone_else_eat_an_obscene_amount_of_sugar/
---
This is my go to. It's my version of comforting chicken noodle soup.

I would not be okay without my sugar free jello. The amount I'm starting to eat is becoming concerning..

---

I mean please
/u/gothicapples
Created: Sun Jul 8 11:32:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x33ps/i_mean_please/
---
https://imgur.com/EC6pEM0

---

[Help] Alternatives to birthday cake?
/u/cokezeroshill
Created: Sun Jul 8 11:20:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x30h4/alternatives_to_birthday_cake/
---
So my birthday is coming up soon and my mom is adamant on making some kind of birthday treat for me (ie. cake). She said she'd make something other than cake if I wanted so I'm taking the opportunity to find something that doesn't have an ungodly amount of calories. Any suggestions? Nothing that screams eating disorder though obviously. Thanks 💖

---

[Rant/Rave] Why do I always crave food but I'm never hungry? Why do they have "2 servings" in a small container?!? Why can't they just put the full amount.
/u/PM-MEYOURDICKPICS
Created: Sun Jul 8 11:08:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x2x1w/why_do_i_always_crave_food_but_im_never_hungry/
---
I'm never hungry but I always crave food. I always want to eat : 110 calories (2 servings = 220) for a little "cup" of quinoa with mango jalapeño sauce.


I always want food. Anything. I want fucking everything. I'm not hungry, right now I'm feeling pretty content and at ease but all I'm thinking about is food. I had a binge yesterday and that was my first binge that went over my TDEE, but I've been trying to eat 1,000-1,200 calories a day and I still go over it, every fucking day.


It doesn't help with my family going out to eat EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I just don't want to eat but I crave food.
I could eat nonstop if I didn't feel guilty

---

I look like a duck
/u/ilikeseagulls
Created: Sun Jul 8 10:53:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x2sut/i_look_like_a_duck/
---
Hi there! Using a throwaway for this, but I’ve been here for a while

So I’m 5’2 and 124 lbs, and I am really trying to lose weight, the problem is, it’s not noticeable at all. Why? Probably because I have wide, broad shoulders and “big” breasts, and I don’t like that combination. My legs are definitely getting thinner, but the rest of my body doesn’t seem so either. When I walk, i feel like a duck due to by chest heaving out, which doesn’t help when I have broad shoulders and short. Is there anyone else out there who is also experiencing this dilemma? This is definitely demotivating, I just wish I didn’t have breast in the way!

[a bad drawing of my description ](http://imgur.com/s3JDE4E)

---

Whole food plant based (WFPB)?
/u/skinnifat
Created: Sun Jul 8 10:41:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x2pky/whole_food_plant_based_wfpb/
---
I’ve been struggling with anxiety, depression, fatigue, etc. etc. lately and thought maybe just maybe switching the food somewhere I eat could help. I don’t know. I wanna give it a try but I’m getting kind of overwhelmed. Does anyone eat a WFPB diet or even vegan? What are your staples? And how do you manage without having even more food anxiety than normal??

---

BED sufferers, would you mind helping me understand what your disorder is like and how to support my husband with BED?
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Sun Jul 8 10:14:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x2ifm/bed_sufferers_would_you_mind_helping_me/
---
I'd like to start off by saying that if anyone feels offended by this, please let me know and I'll happily remove it. My goal here to understand and not to offend or trigger.

If I were to get diagnosed, I'd had OFSED because I'm not yet underweight. My husband has BED and I just don't understand what he's going through. I try to be supportive but I don't know how. He says he binges all day every day and while his bmi is 62ish, he says there's absolutely nothing he can do to lose some weight. I don't know how to be supportive of him when his weight is so deadly.

So, how can I be supportive? What should I avoid saying and commenting on? I've suggested he go to therapy but he's unwilling to travel far (we live very rural) or see someone on a sliding scale. I know I wouldn't appreciate nagging so I just leave it be.

Anyway, I don't have any experience with BED so I'm hoping you can enlighten me so I can be more supportive.

---

I found 100 calorie tortillas! With cottage cheese double for scale! (Heh)
/u/OnlyDrunkenComments
Created: Sun Jul 8 10:02:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x2f6q/i_found_100_calorie_tortillas_with_cottage_cheese/
---
https://i.imgur.com/vKdqrj7_d.jpg

💕

---

[Other] [Image] I found 100 calorie tortillas! With cottage cheese double for scale (heh)
/u/OnlyDrunkenComments
Created: Sun Jul 8 10:01:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x2eyx/image_i_found_100_calorie_tortillas_with_cottage/
---
https://i.redd.it/90y2l9ltyq811.jpg

---

[Discussion] Meal replacement shakes?
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Sun Jul 8 09:46:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x2b6h/meal_replacement_shakes/
---
So I used to drink a meal replacement shake every morning to make sure I was staying nutritious even when I wasn't eating enough and whenever I would not drink one on a day (usually because I ran out) I would get migraines. I mean, getting migraines was kind of why I started drinking them, but back then I was eating much less. I went to visit my parents for two weeks recently and the entire time I didn't have any meal replacement shakes. I think I had one left in the fridge when ai got back and haven't bought anymore. The thing is, I haven't had a migraine since I've been back. I know the drinks are full of sugar and lately I've been drinking only zero calorie sodas and using tic tacs to get rid of any sugar cravings. Do you think that maybe all the sugar I was eating before may have been contributing to the migraines? I'm hardly eating more lately than I was then, but it used to be that so much of what I did eat was sugary and now I'm actually eating food to get my calories in for the day.

---

[Rant/Rave] Avoided snacks at store :/
/u/crankyhedgiebutt
Created: Sun Jul 8 09:36:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x28pq/avoided_snacks_at_store/
---
Heyyy guys,

So I spent nearly an hour at the store looking at cookies and snacks and stared at nutrition content or looked it up. I hated the idea of eating useless carbs even though I really wanted them and I’m hungry. I’m gonna go make real food at home but am currently sitting in a parking lot since I got dizzy from a cigarette. I bought cigarettes instead of food. Yay me and ED brain. I just wasted so much time instead of getting what I needed and leaving. Fuck my life I’m so behind on work too.

I guess at least I won’t feel guilt? This shit sucks man. It’s crazy seeing people just grab the snacks and go without even thinking, or looking at the nutritional label!! So many people kept grabbing and going and I just kneeled on the ground trying not to cry. I was close to losing it in the middle of the store. How do people buy food like that? I miss those days but don’t miss my old body. Anybody else relate?

---

[Discussion] Who else doesn’t want anyone to notice?
/u/SpeckledBalloon
Created: Sun Jul 8 09:20:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x24om/who_else_doesnt_want_anyone_to_notice/
---
A couple people have pointed out to me that I’ve lost weight recently.

My gut reaction is always to just brush it off - “Oh, have I? Must be because I’m training for a 5K. 🙃”

I don’t know why I do this. I guess I’m afraid that if I acknowledge my body insecurities then other people will notice them as well?

Or maybe it’s because I was never overweight to begin with so it feels almost greedy or vain to be unsatisfied with my size?

I just want to time travel to ugw me and pretend that I’ve always been that way and didn’t work so hard for months on end and obsess about it every day to get there.

Anyone relate?

---

Ended up in hospital Friday. Decided to recover... For like a day...
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Sun Jul 8 09:17:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x23sl/ended_up_in_hospital_friday_decided_to_recover/
---
Collapsed and ended up in the hospital Friday. Parents came round and bought a shit ton of food for me. They are so sweet. Lots of it is baby food and baby biscuits and protein stuff. Bless them. They are amazing people. So I ate a little yesterday and got into my head that I should recover. But then today my boyfriends hurt my feelings so bad and now I just want to starve until I fade away into nothing or die. Whichever comes first

---

[Intro] introduction (let's be friends??)
/u/justprettyconfused
Created: Sun Jul 8 09:03:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x20gv/introduction_lets_be_friends/
---
hey everyone, i don't know if i'm allowed to make posts like this here so please feel free to remove. i've lurked on this sub for months now and finally made a new account that nobody knows so i can post here. i've been to plenty of other online ED communities but haven't found one as low-key as this so i'm really happy to finally be a part of it. i've had an ED since i was 12 and have bounced back and forth between recovery and a BMI of 13.5 within that time. i'm not sure where i am right now in terms of wanting to recover or lose again but i just thought i would say hi and it's nice to meet you all :) pls say hi if you feel like it!!

---

[Discussion] What’s your plan for when you hit your UGW?
/u/SpeckledBalloon
Created: Sun Jul 8 08:59:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x1zgd/whats_your_plan_for_when_you_hit_your_ugw/
---
Personally, I’d like to try lean bulking.

Gaining is scary because I fear that it’ll all go to my stomach... but I love the idea of building up my butt, back and biceps since restriction hasn’t been so kind to my muscle tone.

Anyone else have a game plan in place?

---

[Help] Going out to eat at a food court with a friend, need advice on what I should eat (link to vendors below)
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Sun Jul 8 08:55:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x1ygj/going_out_to_eat_at_a_food_court_with_a_friend/
---
The hangout was scheduled a couple of weeks from now but I feel in control if I figure out beforehand.. calorie estimates would be appreciated.

https://citykitchen.rownyc.com/vendors-2/

Thanks so much in advance! <3

---

I swam in a bikini in front of my crush!
/u/wordsmithem
Created: Sun Jul 8 08:46:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x1wfs/i_swam_in_a_bikini_in_front_of_my_crush/
---
I really honestly hate my body. I can’t stand anything about it. However, yesterday my dad wanted to take me to a lake and I was meeting up with my crush. The only swimsuit I had was from last year and it’s a bikini. I thought he was going to take one look at me and be repulsed (I should’ve known better, he’s an amazing guy) however, he kept hugging me (around my stomach) which normally I want to cry when people touch it, but it felt so natural. He even gave me my first kiss, and asked me out, which I admit gave me a little boost in my body confidence!

---

The twisted bright side and the dark silver lining
/u/notyourtoy
Created: Sun Jul 8 08:26:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x1rxi/the_twisted_bright_side_and_the_dark_silver_lining/
---
I have several chronic health conditions that keep me weak and in constant pain. The last two years I’ve been well though! I enjoyed a low-pain existence for the first time since I was 12 (I’m 28 now for mobile people)

Then I started to get sick again.

It came with a vicious onset that put me in the hospital for a week where they had me on NPO - none per oral - no food at all.

I have so enjoyed being active in life and in the gym and eating so freely to try to gain muscle and get stronger. I hardly remembered good old ED.

But oh boy am I back in it now. I’m down 12 pounds and LOVING it.

No one suspects because my diet is restrictive and I’m weak due to my health issues anyway. I can restrict and lose and get tiny and it’s so fun.

I utterly hate losing all the healthy and happy ground I gained in this remission, but the silver lining that keeps me from falling apart is my ED. Like a weird hateful old friend.

So many mixed emotions about this.

---

BF admitted he hasn’t been physically intimate with me for a few weeks because I’m too skinny
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Sun Jul 8 08:22:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x1r2b/bf_admitted_he_hasnt_been_physically_intimate/
---
I’m not even super skinny - we went to the cottage for a few days and I gained like 5 lbs, I had gotten down to 93 now I’m sitting at 97 and hating myself....then last night I thought about it and realized he hasn’t even attempted sex or anything - not the whole time we were on vacation and not once since we got back - and I have tried, a couple times. He kept saying it was just because we were wasted the whole time and he’s not wrong - but we’ve been back for a week. Finally last night when we were drunk he told me it’s because I’m too skinny. He said I just need to “put on like 10 or 15 pounds.” We were out for drinks and I was so fucking broken I ordered chicken wings and a huge plate of fries and ate the entire thing in front of him, I felt so sick and I just kept shoving fries in my mouth and trying not to cry while he watched me and probably felt even more disgusted at who I am so yeah happy Sunday guys

Worst part is he’s really just technically “the guy I’m dating” he won’t commit to a relationship, it’s been 7 months and really all that means is we do everything together but if he wants to sleep with other people he can. And now that I know he’s not attracted to me idk not great not great

I feel like I’m a whale, so bloated from all that food, and so broken from knowing how he feels

---

Scared to eat but I need the fuel??
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Sun Jul 8 07:59:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x1lmw/scared_to_eat_but_i_need_the_fuel/
---
I've just broken out of a binge-y cicle and managed to restrict pretty low yesterday, but today my band will play at an festival and I'm afraid I won't have the energy to go through it?? My hand was already getting numb last rehersal and I fucked up some lines bc of it, I don't wanna screw up live :((( Someone pls tell me it's ok to eat and I won't lose control again

---

[Help] Has anyone here managed to fully recover? I need help, sort of..
/u/ProEDThrowMeAway
Created: Sun Jul 8 07:52:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x1k54/has_anyone_here_managed_to_fully_recover_i_need/
---
There's this theory about anorexia that puts it in the context of human evolution. I don't know it in depth, but the gist of what I’ve read is that most of the maladptive behaviors and perpetuation of the sickness are a direct result of starvation and severe weight loss, so the solution is first and foremost *weight gain,* not therapy. This isn't news for me.
I hate that its supported my nihilistic athiesm and thus the feeling that whatever I do is pointless, but it's also the only theory that didn't make me want to off myself at first read. A lot of other theories don’t make sense to me and seem too biased against eating disordered sufferers to be worth listening to. And in the context of my life, at some angles they make sense but when you dig deeper, they fall apart. They're like skin and hair instead of a skeleton.

Anything before this is basically unimportant background, but what is an important takeaway is that I understand that much of the approach to any solution here is very material, inevitable, and kind of depressing.


I know no one can solve these issues except me, but the prospects seem so hopeless. I usually hate asking for help like this, but I'm hoping someone may be able to offer an alternative view.

A problem is that I already hated myself and my body. Starving doesn’t make it better per se but I think starving created this starvation -> temporary joy -> creation of expectation -> starvation to fulfill expectation cycle that's hard to break. Starving does things to my body that I kind of like and really preyed on insecurities I already had. I felt my thighs and stomach were too big and starving made them smaller. I felt like human garbage, uglier than and dumber than everyone else, but then starving gave me a false sense of superiority.

If I go back to no longer starving, that means I have to accept all the things about my body that I absolutely hate because I can't starve them away. The thigh rubbing, pants-ruining madness. The big-belly \*are you pregnant or just chub\* frustration. They make me panic, especially because I have memories of people making sexual comments about it.

But I also \*\*\*really\*\*\* want to be able to have friends and go out and do normal things without feeling the need to compensate. But also as the nihilist that I've slowly become, I realize that what comes after given my age is species perpetuation, and I'm not comfortable with it. I can avoid if it I'm sick. There's no expectation.

I know I can't take the good and leave behind the bad because they're two sides of the same coin, but I was wondering if anyone here has recovered and figured out how to properly cope with \*any\* of this. I know it seems disjointed, but it makes my life feel more meaningless and hopeless. I hate it so much. It just makes me cry.

I'm sorry this is so long and kind of rambley. Does anyone know what to do? I don't know where I'm going with this, sorry.

---

[Tip] Eat your fruits and veggies before refined carbs
/u/thinsponeeded
Created: Sun Jul 8 07:34:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x1gnt/eat_your_fruits_and_veggies_before_refined_carbs/
---
**Get two servings of fruits and veggies daily.**

Soooo this is really lame, because I feel it's common knowledge you should be getting enough fruits and vegetables? I swear this is what my mom would always tell me growing up -- I just never internalized it.

But it's been helping curb my overeating and tendency towards carbs. I usually eat fruit and veggies everyday, but oftentimes it's JUST fruit or JUST veggies, not both. Instead, I have a lot of refined carbs (crackers, chips, bread, etc.) which doesn't fill me up and just makes me feel crappy. Like, I'll have yogurt. An omelette with veggies. Salmon. Rice or bread. Maybe an apple as a snack. But, I'm still missing a serving of fruit and veggies each. I actually entered a challenge to do this on Habitica, and that's mean what's making it stick (because I don't want to break my streak!)

It's obviously harder to eat it all when I'm restricting, but when I'm eating closer to maintenance anyways, it's really helpful. I tell myself, "Eat the small salad, THEN eat the Halo Top." It's so obvious, but actually following through on this has been really helpful. I actually had 10 days in a row of non-binging which is HUGE for me!

---

[Rant/Rave] i went out to eat last night, was horribly disappointed in myself, but got the whoosh! I GOT THE WHOOSH!
/u/painxiety
Created: Sun Jul 8 07:22:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x1e8d/i_went_out_to_eat_last_night_was_horribly/
---
I've been stuck at 120ish for like four days. I am only restricting to 1200 because I am trying not to fully relapse (or at least trying to postpone a relapse).

Last night i went out to eat at a sports bar-esque restaurant with NO good options. I ate a small order of boneless chicken wings with carribean jerk sauce and sour cream, 3 diet coke and bacardi with lime, and ate 5 of my friends cheesy bacon fries. the only other thing i had was an apple and some vitamins earlier that day. I thought for sure I would be up to 121 again this morning.

NOOOPE! The whoosh is real. The whoosh gave me **118.7** on the scale this morning which mean both my weight AND my bmi are back in the teens and i am so PUMPED

---

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jul 8 06:11:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x118x/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 08, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jul 8 06:11:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x118a/daily_food_diary_july_08_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 08, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Rant/Rave] Comments on my pregnant belly
/u/72554
Created: Sun Jul 8 05:50:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x0xqi/comments_on_my_pregnant_belly/
---
I’m 22 weeks with a very obvious bump and I’m so over the comments, many are harmless but my ED says otherwise

Them: “Oh hey fat guts”
ED: Yep you’ve gained too much already

Me: “I’ve got such a big bump now”
Them: “I didn’t notice”
ED: Your stomach always looked this big

Them: “Pants still fit?”
Me: “yeah I have to wear belt extenders because the button doesn’t do up”
Them: “You know baby is still pretty small right”
ED: That bump is aaaaall fat not baby

Them: “Snack on healthy things only and don’t eat big meals”
ED: obviously you’ve gained too much weight already and everyone thinks you’re stuffing your face so you have to eat less than the fuck all you already eat

Them: “Why does X (who’s 10 weeks ahead of me) have no bump and yours is sticking out already?”
Me: “her baby is towards her back and mines hanging out in the front”
ED: she’s skinny and has abs of steel, you’re just a fat blob

Them: “Have your boobs got bigger?”
Me: “Only up half a cup, I fill the Bs now”
Them: “Oh, you look bigger than a B”
ED: you’re huge and have must have no idea how huge you are


Struggling this week and making myself drink Ensure and Sustagen for any meals I don’t eat. Wish people would just pretend I’m not pregnant though and let me get on with it. Good news is that baby girl is doing well and growing fine, she’s even measuring a few days ahead.

---

[Rant/Rave] Of course when I get the flu I DONT lose my appetite and I DONT lose any weight
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Sun Jul 8 05:48:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x0xge/of_course_when_i_get_the_flu_i_dont_lose_my/
---
I hate my fatass and everyone around me who loses weight/appetite when they get the flu 😪

---

2000 calorie deficit?
/u/Shady-saved-Me
Created: Sun Jul 8 04:50:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x0oo2/2000_calorie_deficit/
---
Is it doable?

I burn 1600 a day just walking and my BMR is around 1400, so my TDEE is 3000.

Have anyone here been on a 2000 calorie deficit? Ive never had anything bigger than 1000.

For how long do you think its possible?

---

[Rant/Rave] To my roomate
/u/mandarinclementine
Created: Sun Jul 8 03:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x0b2v/to_my_roomate/
---
Honestly, fuck off. I know you are decades older than me and you are a teacher in primary school, but I don't care. I am not your happy and energetic school girl.

So STOP commenting on my food. STOP constantly asking what is wrong. I am internally fighting with myself.

The fact that you told the new people that just moved in that I am "quiet" as a primary adjective is fucking upsetting. GUESS WHAT - YOU ARE ANNOYING AND OVERENERGETIC. THIS IS NOT YOUR LITTLE CHILDREND PARTY PLACE.

Yes I am an introvert and also fucking sad already because I have lost all my friends and I punish myself enough with restriction.

Now the new people will think "oh she is the problematic and quiet one" as soon as they see me. I didn't even get the chance to try.

So eat your buttery bread even more stop showing it down my throat.

---

Spitting
/u/PPTIKL
Created: Sun Jul 8 03:10:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x0aii/spitting/
---
I have a tough time with this one. I don't do it often but it is hard not to do this as I view it was a much better alternative to purging.

Sometimes there will be food around the house I really don't want to be consuming because it's total junk but I can't help myself and sometimes it takes less emotional energy to just chew/spit as opposed to mentally battling it all day or at least when I'm home.

Does anyone have stuff to say about this? I'd like to clarify that my relationship with food is pretty healthy. But every now and then, I get cravings and while I am above them sometimes, I occasionally just chew/spit to get rid of it while still enjoying it. There is some food I just don't respect in terms of fuel and while I do eat them sometimes, there are moments where I feel like I should just get what I want "the taste" and rid of everything else. Other times, I just want to keep eating but am very full so I do this.

It's a weird moral dilemma for me because I think about how eating it is less healthy for me in these moments (since I'm too full to keep eating or it's just total junk food) and I'm not purging. And I think about wine tasting where they all spit the wine instead of consuming it. I don't want to develop a relationship with food where I spit everything that is "bad" for me but I would ideally be above eating these things entirely or to stop eating when full. But in moments of weakness, I spit as a compromise.

I have purged a handful of times due to regret of what I ate. Ever since spitting, I've never purged. I would like to think of spitting as a healthier alternative to purging but ultimately a way to stop unhealthy eating behaviors all together.

Please don't shame me for glorifying an ED. I'm just saying it's healthier than purging to help explain why the dilemma is so tough to overcome. I know it's NOT healthy but I need someone who can understand the dilemma here. There's a part of me that also just feels completely fine with spitting food every now and then because why over eat or eat terrible food ever? Because dessert/treating yourself, I know. But sometimes I just eat too much and can't stop or am fighting eating something I know I'll regret and just decide to chew/spit it instead.

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[Rant/Rave] I hate her
/u/maybethisistherealme
Created: Sun Jul 8 02:55:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x08fs/i_hate_her/
---
So I just wanted to eat some berries I bought, but my sister said she needs them to make “ice cream” ( she just freezes them because she wants to eat healthy tm). I asked her to leave some for me. She first said no and then that I can have All of them so I can stuff my face all day long like I always do.

Guess I won’t eat anything today.

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Low cal food in Cambodia?
/u/vintagetimetable
Created: Sun Jul 8 02:25:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x04be/low_cal_food_in_cambodia/
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Im vegan and also trying to maintain my weight. But my TDEE isnt that high so I need lower cal ideas. What dishes and street food can I eat in Cambodia?

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What’s the earliest you can eat breakfast without gaining weight?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Sun Jul 8 02:15:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x02sm/whats_the_earliest_you_can_eat_breakfast_without/
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Like if you eat breakfeast 4:00 AM or 5:00 AM would that affect weight loss? I tend to wake up around 5:00 AM or some days 4:15 AM.

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Boyfriend Admitted That He Helped Me Gain BC He Was Scared I'd Run Off And Find Someone Better
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Sun Jul 8 01:44:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8x0070/boyfriend_admitted_that_he_helped_me_gain_bc_he/
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HE FUCKING SABATOGED MY DIET, ENABLED MY BINGING, AND PRETTY MUCH HELPED ME GAIN 50 LBS BECAUSE HE WAS INSECURE.
I'm now at 125 lbs (I lost a lot but stuck bc of a binge week :/) and he's scared if I lose more, I'll leave him. This whole time he claimed to love "thicc" girls only to find out he's just insecure. And I'm just fucking... so mad. I've never given him a reason to feel insecure. As a matter of fact... he makes ME feel insecure... I feel like I'm being negged so I feel WORSE so I'll stay with him because I can't get anyone better??? Now he is a wonderful being, he treats me very well but this insecurity shit and making me feel WORSE THAN I ALREADY DO TO MAKE HIMSELF FEEL BETTER... WHAT IN THE FUCK DUDE.

Guess who's getting back to the ol' restriction grind? I'm gonna lose so much... fueled by PURE SPITE! VIVA LA RESTRICCIÓN!

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[Rant/Rave] Everything gives me anxiety attacks
/u/strawberrydrops
Created: Sun Jul 8 00:45:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wzrg6/everything_gives_me_anxiety_attacks/
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Recently small things give me soso much anxiety and I can’t forget them and I just feel nauseous and miserable I need my mom to reassure me like 10 times of simple things. Aaaaaa I wanna die haha

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"You said that four years ago..."
/u/DoubleBeautiful
Created: Sun Jul 8 00:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wzqde/you_said_that_four_years_ago/
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My brother said that in response to me telling him off for calling me fat. He's right. I am fat. But I told him, proudly, that the next time he'd see me in Christmas, I would be skinny and perfect, and he'd barely recognise me.

"You said that four years ago..." he responded.

It's true. I've been in circles of BED, bulimia, restriction....a wonderful combination of things coupled with a very serious, long bout of depression. I thought there was no end. When I finally managed to lose most of the weight, I rapidly gained it ALL back. I could never understand how people would go back and fourth – I used to think it would be so hard to gain weight after working so tirelessly to lose it!? Hah. I could never imagine myself in many of the shitty situations I've been in.

But you know what? While in the midst of those terrible situations (for example, months of suicidal thoughts, never being sober, compulsively eating...) I thought I'd be trapped there forever. But I got out. I survived. And this time, there will be no excuses. I have 24 lbs to lose, I can do this. This time, I'm doing it with open eyes. I am not in the dark about my depression, my anxiety, my substance abuse. I have to accept myself for all of it – because running away never works. I am who I am...right now, it's difficult for me to think of that person being able to achieve great feats. But she is. I am. Weight loss for so many of us is one way to materialise our ambitions and prove our worth. And let's be real – we live in a shallow society (as much as I like to naively pretend otherwise.) Irrespective of all of that, I need to regain (or develop) confidence, and a huge part of that for me is in finally respecting my outer image. I am so tired of being ashamed about my body. Trying to hide every bit of my physical being has simply become a hinderance to me actually living my life. I have so much to offer, but so often I silence and isolate myself because I just don't feel like my body is mine. My body feels more like wound dressing that needs to be taken off and replaced. While it can't be replaced, it can be moulded and perfected, and I can and will find a way to make this machine act in one with my inner being.

So here it is, in writing, my promise to myself. I will lose those 24 lbs and I will get on with my life.

---

My day.
/u/wattonnswoh
Created: Sun Jul 8 00:32:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wzpfz/my_day/
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I wake up & look in the mirror. I hate what I see. I take my bipolar meds without breakfast. I spend the morning nauseous. I can't take it. I buckle in the afternoon & eat a bagel. I spend the rest of the afternoon obsessing over the fact that I ate a bagel. In the evening, I eat something unhealthy for dinner. Tacos, McDonald's...something. I spend the rest of the evening hating myself.

This is how my day goes.

---

The low carb/sugar free icecream that I was so excited to find became a trigger food. This is why we can't have nice thinigs
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Sun Jul 8 00:13:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wzmbf/the_low_carbsugar_free_icecream_that_i_was_so/
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I am eating less than 20 carbs a day and for a while I've just wanted some nice icecream. So I searched for a while. Tried
vegan Halo Top. I felt gross eating a pint with 16g of sugar after going without any sugar for so long though.

Then I found So Delicious no sugar added. I could eat the whole pint for 16g of carbs. And only 4g of sugar for the whole pint! Perfect right? Wrong.

How did it taste? Incredible to me..like real sugared icecream! But I ate the whole pint. And did I stop for the day? No I felt icky from eating the whole pint so I ate over my calories so I could have normal food too.

Now I can't be like a normal person and have one nice serving so this means I cannot eat the lovely ice cream I found anymore. I was so excited. My life is a mess now so I thought this would be great. No. It was not great:(

Oh..and I only tried the vanilla bean. I'll never get to try the butter pecan :'(

---

Nice little message to see on the way to brunch
/u/Jksaldf
Created: Sun Jul 8 00:09:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wzleu/nice_little_message_to_see_on_the_way_to_brunch/
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https://i.redd.it/ys20yw851o811.jpg

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I’m worried but I don’t feel I deserve to be
/u/Shadeofthings
Created: Sun Jul 8 00:07:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wzl5g/im_worried_but_i_dont_feel_i_deserve_to_be/
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I’ve had an eating disorder for around 4 years now. It started off as restricting mostly, then I “recovered” for some time. Looking back on that though I realize I was still avoiding many types of foods but I did gain back some weight and was okay with it. I don’t know what happened between then and now but I picked up a bad habit of exercising until everything hurts. It’s been going on since around July 2016. I’m starting to get worried about it because its so painful to do and an nurse recently said some things to me about how she could tell I don’t get enough protein ... but I don’t wanna stop. I can’t stop binging so therefore I can’t stop exercising because then I’ll just gain even more weight then I already have. It’s 2 am and all my bones ache and I don’t know what to do. I want help but I don’t feel as if I deserve to have it because I’m up 16 pounds from my low weight. I can’t handle this anymore.

---

Reminder to make sure you get some salt!
/u/champu-petal
Created: Sat Jul 7 23:48:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wzi2x/reminder_to_make_sure_you_get_some_salt/
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and vitamins in general. i love sparkling water, a little fresh squeezed lemon, and salt when i'm fasting to get some sodium. stay safe <3

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I just ate a shitload of food and need to purge but I share a bathroom with roommates?
/u/FormerFeatherWeight
Created: Sat Jul 7 23:27:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wzeb1/i_just_ate_a_shitload_of_food_and_need_to_purge/
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Should I chance it? Or go to a public library or some shit?

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[Discussion] unintentional glamorization
/u/rxhog
Created: Sat Jul 7 22:50:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wz7mw/unintentional_glamorization/
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(long time lurker, first time poster. hi everyone!)

did anyone else romanticize the ugly side of EDs in their youth due to an existing mental illness?

I feel like people who make ed related media with brutal honesty in mind expect the puking and the crying and the trips to the drugstore at midnight to get binge food and laxatives to scare newbies away but I ate that stuff up, especially in the beginning. To someone like myself with a cluster B personality, the rituals and the drama of it all seemed enticing. I didn't want to be the skinny popular girl, I wanted to scare people. I wanted my parents to worry. I wanted to get shut away in a hospital for weeks on end. It wasn't really about the body, it was about the act of doing something extreme that most wouldn't, and it was about the attention. I find that histrionic behavior like mine is present to some degree in basically all teenagers, which makes me worry that no matter what we do to de-romanticize disordered eating, bored kids will try it anyway. I know this needs to be talked about but I wonder how we can even go about that safely at this point. Thoughts?

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[Rant/Rave] i have absolutely no self control.
/u/goosegurl
Created: Sat Jul 7 22:45:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wz6nl/i_have_absolutely_no_self_control/
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So I planned on fasting today, but my boyfriend wanted to see me eat something for lunch. So I ended up making shirataki noodles with boullion (20 cals for the whole bowl) and it triggered a binge later that I'm kinda hating myself for.
Started just c/s a bag of those gummy peach rings and ended up eating pretty much everything in my fridge that I didn't need to cook. Like just standing in front of the fridge eating shit out of it.
WHY am I like this. I just want to be tiny and have perfect self control and be able to just not eat like I used to.
I can't even get myself to purge. Fuck my life and my shitty self control

---

[Discussion] DAE get triggered by their period?
/u/crisisconvertible
Created: Sat Jul 7 22:44:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wz6ha/dae_get_triggered_by_their_period/
---
I'm on mobile so I can't flair the post
But TMI honestly
I think i'll be getting my first period soon after 8 months of no period and i feel so disgusting, like i'm not sick enough which is totally fucked up
Please pray for me, i've forgotton how terrible shark week is....

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“Here’s your coke” “You mean diet..?” “Oh, yeah diet”
/u/scrlett
Created: Sat Jul 7 22:37:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wz4z2/heres_your_coke_you_mean_diet_oh_yeah_diet/
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Anddd in the bin it goes.

Thanks paranoia >:(

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So I’m almost 30 ...
/u/Hatr1x
Created: Sat Jul 7 22:35:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wz4kc/so_im_almost_30/
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I feel like no one my age is around to talk to. I restrict and purge. I’ve had an ED since I was 12. It would be nice to talk to someone around my age if anyone wants to !
(I’m female)

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'Everytime I see you, you are a different size'
/u/jnlh93
Created: Sat Jul 7 22:25:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wz2qv/everytime_i_see_you_you_are_a_different_size/
---
#BEDproblems

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[Discussion] Dae fast with weed?
/u/Roseemacculate02
Created: Sat Jul 7 21:26:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wyqyj/dae_fast_with_weed/
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I feel like weed helps me fast super well! It's like I get way too distracted with other things to do to even think about eating, or get too lazy to get up to make food haha. Like, people talk about getting munchies and stuff but I feel almost extra good when I dont eat with weed. Not sure if I'm just weird or not ?

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[Rant/Rave] My mom is an asshole
/u/snookpower
Created: Sat Jul 7 21:20:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wypnh/my_mom_is_an_asshole/
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I’ve always suspected my mom is a narcissist, especially since I discovered reddit and found r/raisedbynarcissists. Currently reading a book called ‘healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers’ by a psychiatrist called McBride and legit no wonder I have so many *issues* it has really opened my eyes. My wedding is a week today. I’ve lost 10lb in the past 3 months in between binges and even discovering my wedding dress no longer fit (I guess I’d initially gained more than I had ever imagined 🙄)

I’m feeling good, looking good but I want to go further and hit the 105lb (currently 113, my goal for the wedding was 110) after my wedding. So we go over to my parent’s house today for a bbq with my future in laws.

1st comment:

My mom is trying to squeeze past my chair and the wall, so I move in to the table. She tells me ‘I’m too fat to squeeze through move in more’ I tell her I can’t move in anymore and she goes ‘oh maybe it’s you haha’ what a fucking asshole.

2nd comment:

I’m in the kitchen mixing a salad and she goes ‘have you tried on your wedding dress? Do you know if it still fits?’ I say no I haven’t tried it but I assume so. I’m like -1lb since my last fitting. I’m like why? She says ‘oh I just noticed you’re eating more than you were before’ BITCH THIS IS MY ONLY MEAL TODAY LET ME ENJOY IT.

I just can’t with her bullshit. I never realized how disordered my eating was until I started creeping this sub. I empathize with so many of the posts and comments that it’s helped me accept I have problems with food. Here’s to all the other people with asshole moms.

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[Tip] Pro tip
/u/Melon-mochi
Created: Sat Jul 7 21:19:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wypfn/pro_tip/
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Never tell your s/o what is wrong with you.

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i feel like a failure
/u/UsualLetter
Created: Sat Jul 7 21:12:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wynzb/i_feel_like_a_failure/
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i suck at everything thing i do, i even fail at having an eating disorder. i just want to be pretty and thin. i cant win.

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Would you rather
/u/eloana12
Created: Sat Jul 7 21:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wynsb/would_you_rather/
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I'm procrastinating my revision so here are a bunch of ED style would you rathers

Hip bones or collar bones?

Thigh gap or a flat stomach?

Toned stomach or a skinny stomach?

Small waist big thighs or medium waist and thighs?

(if you have tits) small tits big hips or big tits small hips?

Have a cheat day and no after effect or have perfect self control for 2 weeks?

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[Other] My friends are getting fat..
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Sat Jul 7 20:58:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wyl1t/my_friends_are_getting_fat/
---
I’m sorry if this is inappropriate for this sub but I didn’t wanna put this into a confession sub because it’s sort of related to my ED.

Anyways, title says it all really. For years I’ve been more of the average looking not super slim girl like my friends were. All my friends were skinny and pretty and popular and good with people. Things have changed a lot.

A lot of them have experimented or done drugs and drink some and are just reckless with a lot of things. They’re also getting lazier and lazier. They eat whatever they want. A part of me is jealous about that aspect. I wish I could eat whatever I wanted without feeling ashamed or guilty. But I’m almost in a way happy..? Like, they’re gaining weight and I’m LOSING weight. I’m thinner and I’m getting prettier (i think haha!) but guys are starting to notice me more. It’s a nice feeling to have some sort of positive attention.

I feel really bad about this. I wish I could help them out. Hell, I’ve already tried to. I do a lot of weight training and running and I’ve tried to get them into it, but they’re just lazy and hate exercise. It’s sorta frustrating. I have conflicted feelings :(

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A friend told me I looked thinner and described me before as "you looked like you were putting on some weight"
/u/Gerard_the_Bunny
Created: Sat Jul 7 20:54:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wyk7y/a_friend_told_me_i_looked_thinner_and_described/
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I wanted to die when she said it. I didn't eat at all the rest of the day and started restricting harder. It just really hurt and my dad made me feel stupid about it and I just feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because they'll force me to eat if I do.

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[Other] Pushing off my food “rewards”
/u/dootdootoops
Created: Sat Jul 7 20:41:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wyhog/pushing_off_my_food_rewards/
---
More of venting.

Something I notice I’ve been doing. I’ve been saying, “if I don’t eat x I can get y,” which lately I’ve been craving hot dogs. I don’t want my bread to go bad. I keep pushing it off. Yesterday the cat litter and Rocket League were more important. I’m at 122.5ish today, and now it’s the number needs to go down. I’ve had max 600 calories today. I really just need to stay under 800. Now it’s, “well what if that’s the only thing I eat tomorrow, right before work?”

I don’t think I’ve ever done this before. Things I use to reward myself end up being problematic in some way and I fall back into them (mostly caffeine or spending). Now it’s food.

It’s weird. It feels like this is all intentional to me. I’ve had disordered eating in the past, but I didn’t really care. I just didn’t feel hungry due to depression and would go days without (maybe it was an issue before? I had the always cold issue when I was younger before I gained weight - I liked being able to wear hoodies everywhere tbh). Now it’s low self esteem, that voice who’s always been there when I looked at my stomach, genetics, and EDs bff OCD.

Either way, I’ve cut back on how much chocolate I eat which I’m super proud of.

---

Might try to commit suicide soon
/u/Firerose157
Created: Sat Jul 7 20:39:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wyh55/might_try_to_commit_suicide_soon/
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My partner of 5 years basically just broke up with me and hates me. Been hearing shit talk for the past few hours considering we live with his parents. Was living for him and my family, can't live without him. He hates me, he truly hates me and told me everything under the sun to let me know that and that he wants me to leave. Sooo going back to fasting and hopefully gonna have a suicide attempt soon lol... Love my family too much to not want to be here but I've took almost all my lax and I can't live a life where my everything hates me.

Literally fucking hates me.

also him and his dad went off on me for walking to town alone (told me I can't do that again or he'll kick me out), and they told me go get drunk and shit like that, comparing me to my parent who has a drinking problem, etc

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else have this tick?
/u/Gerard_the_Bunny
Created: Sat Jul 7 20:32:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wyfxb/does_anyone_else_have_this_tick/
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I have to touch all the places my bones stick out; wrists, collarbones, hips, spine, etc. all the time during the day or I'll freak out. I don't know why, but does anyone else do this?

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[Help] Is coke zero really okay?
/u/yellowdaisyjennee
Created: Sat Jul 7 20:19:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wyd4a/is_coke_zero_really_okay/
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I'm scared it'll make me gain some weight but I saw a lot of people here drinking coke zero and still slim. Will it help lessen the binging if I drink this instead?

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[Help] Helpp do u think this is more than 140cal? I want it but I’m scared
/u/strawberrydrops
Created: Sat Jul 7 20:01:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wy9e3/helpp_do_u_think_this_is_more_than_140cal_i_want/
---
https://i.redd.it/hf20t301tm811.jpg

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I don't know anymore
/u/paavllova
Created: Sat Jul 7 19:57:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wy8l4/i_dont_know_anymore/
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I just have no idea what the fuck is happening with me. I would love to think I'm recovering but I don't think that's what's going on with me right now.

I keep eating way over my limit and I can't stop. Every time I just say fuck it, eat whatever, and then hate myself. I don't think this is recovery.

I just feel like fucking shit lately. June was a terrible month for me. I remember my stomach got flatter and now I can't fucking stand it.

I just want this all to end.

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Everything I thought I knew about pregnancy was a lie
/u/xCatsunax
Created: Sat Jul 7 19:46:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wy67v/everything_i_thought_i_knew_about_pregnancy_was_a/
---
In a few days I'll officially be 6 months pregnant. I remember starving myself to 95 lbs for my wedding last October and as amazing as that body was I myself was just not happy.. and once I finally settled into married life I decided not to worry so much about losing weight because I was already really skinny. And then a couple months later by some miracle from God I got pregnant. I couldn't believe it. I was still super underweight for my height and at first I thought I was gonna end up having a miscarriage, but I didn't. I haven't gained any actual weight. I still barely eat enough for myself, but I don't have a huge appetite like I thought I would. My baby bump right now is still so tiny. I don't have to wear maternity clothes and I'm going to have a beautiful baby girl that's gonna have a Halloween birthday. And don't get the wrong idea I haven't been starving myself at all. I'm still insecure about my body, but as long as you just eat healthy being pregnant isn't bad at all.

---

Found this. Currently “*attempting to*” recover, thought it might be a good read for those teens out there like me...
/u/Grellous8
Created: Sat Jul 7 19:43:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wy5mu/found_this_currently_attempting_to_recover/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/8wfjng/teenagers_read_this_take_from_my_experience_5/

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[Rant/Rave] Avoided a binge.....for now
/u/kurtisskinny
Created: Sat Jul 7 19:21:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wy0yk/avoided_a_bingefor_now/
---
Today I was craving ice cream hard, but instead I had 2 peaches and a banana, I’m really proud of myself since I’ve been eating well for 6 days and I didn’t want to break my streak.

Also realizing that white cheddar rice cakes, pickles and olives are some of my new fave snacks - thank god for them

---

[Rant/Rave] Weird ED dreams
/u/ellerzverse
Created: Sat Jul 7 19:20:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wy0tb/weird_ed_dreams/
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Last night I had THREE separate dreams in which I went to a particular little (made up) fast food restaurant on the south side of my city. Each time I scanned the menu thoroughly for a low-carb option but I couldn’t find anything. And each time I decided to say “fuck it” and order French fries and high-calorie high-carb sandwiches. Each dream was so vivid that I could *taste them*.

Does anyone else have vivid dreams about their danger foods when they sink real deep into their eating disorders?

---

The breakfast of champions
/u/samesamebutdiffarent
Created: Sat Jul 7 19:08:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxy7j/the_breakfast_of_champions/
---
Peppermint tea and 70mg Vyvanse.

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I went on vacation and now I'm worse.
/u/Gerard_the_Bunny
Created: Sat Jul 7 18:57:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxvrb/i_went_on_vacation_and_now_im_worse/
---
I recently went on vacation and binged a few times, making myself sick in the process, and now that I'm home I feel more scared of new foods again and like I've lost progress... I'm back to eating only one or two types of foods and eating alone in my room. I feel like a failure.

---

So I'm doing new things with food now
/u/Gerard_the_Bunny
Created: Sat Jul 7 18:56:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxviu/so_im_doing_new_things_with_food_now/
---
I recently went on vacation and binged a few times, making myself sick in the process, and now that I'm home I feel more scared of new foods again and like I've lost progress... I'm back to eating only one or two types of foods and eating alone in my room. I feel like a failure.

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[Other] I’m looking for people to chat with
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Sat Jul 7 18:52:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxug2/im_looking_for_people_to_chat_with/
---
None of my friends understand and they leave me on read. So if anyone wants to chat pm me :)

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[Rant/Rave] Bruises/scars?
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Sat Jul 7 18:32:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxq8w/bruisesscars/
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Does anyone else bruise or scar too easily? I have bruises which have yet to fade from two weeks ago, and scars which should’ve disappeared! My legs are an absolute state!

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[Help] Hunger Nausea
/u/strawberrydrops
Created: Sat Jul 7 18:26:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxovq/hunger_nausea/
---
Any tips for dealing with nausea ?? Idk what it is fully from but my new Invisalign certainly isn’t helping 🙃

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[Help] I Think I Want To Be Ready For Recovery, But I Don't Think I'm Strong Enough
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo
Created: Sat Jul 7 18:23:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxoad/i_think_i_want_to_be_ready_for_recovery_but_i/
---
My boyfriend asked me to stop purging, and I've done as good as I think I can. But I haven't stopped completely.

I want to. I hate being dishonest with him, this is the only thing I've ever lied to him about and I hate myself for it. He supports my weight loss (I'm obese and bulimic) and has even bought me food and body scales (the body scales has an app and it breaks things down into all kinds of awesome info like muscle weight, etc).. He loves me regardless of what weight I am, and tells me he thinks I'm beautiful, wonderful etc all the time.


But I can't stop purging. I've cut it back to a point I never thought I'd get to, but... When he's at work sometimes....

v_v

I can't afford therapy, I CAN'T tell him the truth, I want what I've been saying to become the truth.

I'm sorry, I know this is proED, but wanting to recover has very new to me and I don't feel.. idk.. welcome at recovery groups. I'm not ready to give up all of my disordered habits yet.. I'm not there yet at all. But I want to stop purging. Maybe get better at restriction and exercise to compensate?

I'm sorry if I don't belong here anymore, I just feel more "at home" here. I trust you guys.

---

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else get angry when people notice you have an ED?
/u/elevenosix__
Created: Sat Jul 7 18:16:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxmg0/does_anyone_else_get_angry_when_people_notice_you/
---
What i mean is, my sister in law isnt stupid she picked up my behaviours and confronted me to it.

It triggers me because i dont believe im skinny to even be diagnosed and im pretty sure its all in my head and that i dont actually have an eating disorder. But it makes me a little bit angry at the same time? Because i just want to starve and be left alone with my behaviors. I get it she is only asking me about it because she cares but like why cant i starve? Just let me be.

If i die i die. Thats all. I just cant deal with this.

---

[Rant/Rave] Having a hard time today
/u/boneybabybitch
Created: Sat Jul 7 18:03:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxjjj/having_a_hard_time_today/
---
I don’t even know where to start. I feel like crying but the tears won’t come out. I’m also having a hard time organizing my thoughts so I’m sorry if this comes out as a jumbled mess.

I guess let me start by saying I am attending a family wedding tomorrow, and my mom went shopping with me the other day for a dress for it. I found a cute jumpsuit that I liked, and when I tried it on, it was too big on me (it also made my upper body look really thin), which made me feel good in it. My mom also liked it, so she decided we could take it home and she would alter it.

So today she had me try it on at home, and all the prodding and pinning made me feel really overwhelmed. Also, in the middle of the day I got my period and I feel really bloated.

After she was finished sewing, I tried it on again. It now fits to my body and I feel like I look terrible in it and don’t want to wear it tomorrow. I feel awful because my mom spent so much time on it today and she really likes it.

I know this may seem silly. I don’t even know what I’m expecting as a response to this .. I just know I have no one to talk to about it.

---

Wow, this sub blew up.
/u/roithamerschen
Created: Sat Jul 7 17:57:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxi3p/wow_this_sub_blew_up/
---
When I first found this sub back in 2016, it was pretty small (somewhere around 5k subscribers?). There would be around 10 posts a day, and I'd be so excited every time a new post popped up because I would check here obsessively. I'm pretty surprised coming back here after a half-assed recovery to see how active it is. I'm not complaining, but curious as to how this sub got more popular.

---

[Discussion] OMG, I Can’t🤣
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Sat Jul 7 17:56:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxhzx/omg_i_cant/
---
So I’m sitting here in the bathtub trying to remember the last time I pooped. And it occurs to me that I should start adding it as a note in MFP.

WTAF? 🤣🤣🤣

---

[Discussion] Anyone else have people assume your mental state after you lost a bunch of weight?
/u/catsrule-humansdrool
Created: Sat Jul 7 17:44:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxfdg/anyone_else_have_people_assume_your_mental_state/
---
One of my coworkers the other day told me that her and another coworker were talking about how much weight I've lost (which is a hot topic that I seriously wish would go away. I didn't even know people said stuff about it behind my back and now I need to know what they all say!!!) and how they're so proud of me and how much happier I am. That was the most awkward thing for me because I am actually so much more miserable now than I was when I was 200+ pounds. And part of it is because of how I'm losing weight and because I've barely lost any in a month and I'm constantly hating myself for eating and I eat so much SHIT but I can't stop and I have no control!!! But apparently since I'm skinnier, that means I'm happier. I mean, I guess that's better than people assuming I'm literally trying to starve myself, right?

---

Annoyed with even attempting to masquerade as eating normally
/u/starvy_punk
Created: Sat Jul 7 17:43:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxf57/annoyed_with_even_attempting_to_masquerade_as/
---
So im just going to say fuck it. Im sick of eating my one meal/snack *if that much* in front of friends/housemates *for their benefit*, so they feel better knowing I ate, and then later *the same day* they turn around and make/buy me food and guilt trip me into it.

No more of that shit. I hate the way food feels in my body, and i hate the way food makes me look...why waste my time pleasing/pacifying others. Back on my starvy bullshit, fullstop.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else have people assume your mental state after you lost a bunch of weight?
/u/catsrule-humansdrool
Created: Sat Jul 7 17:40:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxei9/anyone_else_have_people_assume_your_mental_state/
---
One of my coworkers the other day told me that her and another coworker were talking about how much weight I've lost (which is a hot topic that I seriously wish would go away. I didn't even know people said stuff about it behind my back and now I need to know what they all say!!!) and how they're so proud of me and how much happier I am. That was the most awkward thing for me because I am actually so much more miserable now than I was when I was 200+ pounds. And part of it is because of how I'm losing weight and because I've barely lost any in a month and I'm constantly hating myself for eating and I eat so much SHIT but I can't stop and I have no control!!! But apparently since I'm skinnier, that means I'm happier.

---

[Rant/Rave] The two ladies of my life: Ana, and my Girlfriend
/u/to-be-a-feather
Created: Sat Jul 7 17:34:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxd3k/the_two_ladies_of_my_life_ana_and_my_girlfriend/
---
I’ve never actually posted here, but here we go.

So I initially struggled with anorexia when I was about 16-17. I hit a BMI 13. I managed to recover for two years; about December, my girlfriend(whom I wasnt dating yet) introduced me to thinspo; I was instantly hooked and entered a relapse. By March, I’d dropped from 127 to 99. She finally gave me a choice; Anorexia, or her.

So, I tried recovering by playing doctor and patient.

I went to 118 by May. She still wasn’t happy. I tried my best and wanted to try harder so she’d be satisfied. So, I began to binge, and thereafter... purge. I entered a cycle of bulimia. Of course, this made her more upset, and now that she’s back in Norway(I’m in USA, but UK born), I’ve regressed back into my ana habits. She still reblogs thinspo knowing I see it. She still calls 99 lb me “thinspo”. I think she’s joking because she’s uncomfortable/scared and humour is her mask.

Anyway, I really love her. I don’t know what to do about myself. About us. Is it reasonable for me to be upset? Am I dramatic?

---

[Rant/Rave] So I Relapsed After Three Months Completely Clean...
/u/peyton2724
Created: Sat Jul 7 17:25:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wxarb/so_i_relapsed_after_three_months_completely_clean/
---
And I’m angry. I’m pissed beyond belief. And at the same time I like it.

(If you’re currently in recovery, I would not suggest reading this. I realized after reading this over that it can be quite triggering).

I missed the feeling of being hungry. Of starving. I missed feeling empty and seeing the pounds shave off. I wanted all the gross, painful shit that comes with anorexia.

Part of it sucks. I hate my friends’ concern, insisting me to eat. I hate the constant exhaustion. I hate the fear that this will throw away my soccer career. I hate the guilt I know feel when eating.

But I can’t let restriction go. I want it. I feel like I need it. I, quite literally, feel like my world will crash down if I stop restricting.

This relapse is making me terrified of every possible outcome - and the only thing that I’m sure of is that I want to restrict. So I stay with that.

I know this is bad. I know I should be disappointed or... I don’t know, something like that. But all I feel is the fucking want to restrict. It’s the only thing I have with me.

I wish I had never started. It’s only been two weeks of this relapse and I already don’t know how I could have possibly lived in recovery, or how I get back.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else find their stomach is the LAST place they lose?!
/u/Cashmeresweateryay
Created: Sat Jul 7 17:21:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wx9zk/anyone_else_find_their_stomach_is_the_last_place/
---
My arms look halfway decent, I’m actually really happy with my legs right now ... but I seem to be carrying a metric ton of pure, squishy fat on my boobs & stomach.

Everywhere else is pretty firm, but my stomach honestly jiggles like that Simpson’s episode where Homer goes to the doctor.

How can there be SO MUCH of it there, but not that much elsewhere?!

---

[Rant/Rave] First EC stack today (rant)
/u/GingerWithSunscreen
Created: Sat Jul 7 17:10:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wx7bo/first_ec_stack_today_rant/
---
Anddd I slept all day. I'm so exhausted. I think Ive done maybe 800 steps today. Ita 7pm and I want to go to bed. Ive just napped all day as well. What gives?!

---

Ugh, so guilty
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Sat Jul 7 17:04:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wx5tc/ugh_so_guilty/
---
The last 3 days I've eaten no more than 500 calories and for me and my height, that's extreme restricting. Most of the time I hover around 1,000-1,200 (still a fairly large deficit). So then why is my total of 700 calories for today making me feel like dying 🙃On most days this would be a dream day! I'm so scared to step on the scale tomorrow morning and see any gain from this morning (a new LW) because of the extra 200 cals :///

---

Here we go again
/u/tone_v2
Created: Sat Jul 7 16:35:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wwyum/here_we_go_again/
---
I made a post last month about making a serious attempt at recovery. I started off doing really well, I wasn't obsessing over calories, I ate when I was hungry, I was working out, I didn't binge, and I even managed to stop weighing myself. After a while, I slowly found myself doing more body checks, thinking about everything I ate and estimating calories, and finally decided to weigh myself. I gained a little over 5 pounds, and even though I was trying to put on some muscle, it really messed with my head. Now I'm restricting again and back down to about the weight I started at, and I want to lose more. So for anyone else that's wrestling with recovery, I feel ya.

---

A vent I wrote today I don't usually do this kinda stuff but it was stuck in my head
/u/tjking333
Created: Sat Jul 7 16:17:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wwudc/a_vent_i_wrote_today_i_dont_usually_do_this_kinda/
---
https://imgur.com/7EoPk2n

---

[Help] at what intake/how long does it take for hormones to start functioning normally again?
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sat Jul 7 16:07:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wwrvn/at_what_intakehow_long_does_it_take_for_hormones/
---
so this might be subjective but i'm wondering if any of you have experienced fucking up your hormones through ED behaviours and restoring them back to normal (regaining your period, sex drive, emotions, etc.)? if so, what was your diet like/how long did it take?

i'm wondering because i haven't gotten my period in a long time and my sex drive has been on a steady decline and pretty much non existent these past few months. also i feel very neutral emotionally which i assume is also due to hormones. like i feel nearly emotionless other than some feelings of annoyance. very rarely do i feel happy, excited, upset, etc. I recently upped my intake from \~800 to \~1000-1200 (still obviously below maintenance), do you think there's any possibility of regaining at least a bit of my hormone function on this intake?

---

[Rant/Rave] I do not have an eating disorder...
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs
Created: Sat Jul 7 16:05:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wwr6o/i_do_not_have_an_eating_disorder/
---
I just eat like I do. Even when this whole thing started as a teenager, I restricted on purpose because I wanted to lose weight. It started as a diet and I knew it was wrong but I kept going, a textbook "wannarexic." With a few exceptions (i.e. my neuroticism and complete lack of brain function at my LW - 15.3 BMI), restriction has always been a choice; bingeing, not so much. But I always feel so guilty to see people struggling with this their whole life in and out of the hospital, when I could (and have in the past) revert back to a normal relationship with food if I really wanted to. It makes me feel so guilty - but not guilty enough to stop.

---

[Help] Accidental Takeout is making me panic
/u/Bookofkelis
Created: Sat Jul 7 15:58:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wwpdx/accidental_takeout_is_making_me_panic/
---
An ex housemate ordered food, but forgot to change her address, so a 700 calorie steak ramen and 500 calorie slice of chocolate cake just arrived at my door. She's moved out of town so the delivery guy just shrugged and handed it to me. I've been restricting well lately, and i'm at 860 calories for the day, with no intention to eat any more (it's 11pm). But I'm also painfully broke and can't afford to waste food, especially fucking STEAK. I think I'm going to have to eat it. Why did this happen on the ONE day I don't have any desire to binge...?

Or is there any way to store and reheat ramen that won't make it gross? I might be able to make myself stop halfway through

Sorry, this is just a panic post because this free food has made me pathetically conflicted and I'm just staring at it

---

[Help] restricting on long-term holiday and terrified of weight gain
/u/foreveraflower
Created: Sat Jul 7 15:48:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wwn3l/restricting_on_longterm_holiday_and_terrified_of/
---
ok so first off i want to apologize for how much of a first world problem this is, and i want it to be known i am so so grateful that i have the opportunity to travel like i do.
anyhow- starting in about three weeks i am gonna be travelling nonstop for pretty much a month, up until my school starts in september. i am SO excited but also really worried about losing all my progress. i’ve already been on one short holiday this summer and i ended up fasting for 5 days to lose the weight (it did work though lol and i kept losing after that). the whole vacation also felt like a giant binge, we ate out all the time, got two desserts a day, and i found myself eating when i was already well past full, and that made me kinda miserable at some points during the trip. i dont want that to happen again.
on the other hand, i know if i try calorie counting, that will stress me out even more. i was thinking about going back to being vegan just for the holiday (i was vegan for a year in 2016), would this help prevent me from overindulging so i dont gain as much weight?
i am also wondering if i should be fasting more often to prepare for the trip. i’ve gone from 123 lb in the beginning of april to 110 lb as of this morning, and since i cut my daily intake to 700 calories i’ve been losing weight steadily and somewhat quickly. i’d like to be 105 (or even less!) before my holiday starts in august. is fasting a good way to obtain this?
for reference, some of the cities i’ll be travelling to are paris, amsterdam, london, los angeles, and nyc. if anyone has specific recommendations (where to eat etc) for these lmk!
also this is a big struggle for me between restricting and letting loose because i have major food FOMO and i know these cities have some of the best food in the world.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] weight rant/I look the same even after losing a lot of weight
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Sat Jul 7 15:25:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wwhbc/rant_weight_ranti_look_the_same_even_after_losing/
---
To contextualize I weighed 120 lbs two years ago, but now I weigh 104 - (47.1 kgs) and havent changed a bit! I still have a protruding lower belly, (I admit that even though I dont have a thigh gap my thighs touch a lot less and are on the cusp of forming one), etc. The worst part of my body that I'm most self conscious about are my upper arms/arms in general.. theyre so out of proportion with the rest of my body and I try to cover them up with long sleeves whenever I have the chance (I have avoided a TON of social events because of my insecurity).. no matter how much I lose weight the stubborn fat still remains... any tips on how to remove it???

---

[Discussion] DAE suffer from bloating? Help!
/u/Stalingonewild
Created: Sat Jul 7 15:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wwfnx/dae_suffer_from_bloating_help/
---
I've been bulimic on and off for over 15 years (some periods of "recovery" in between, even years, but I always call back into it eventually). I've been lucky enough to not have any permanent health issues from it so far, the chest pains/sore throat etc are always reversed after I stop b/p for a while. Every now and then I would get pretty sever bloating, but that would go away on its own too.

Ive been mostly recovered for the past 6 months (I still have thoughts about binging but not as often, and I rarely do it's maybe once a month I'll slip up and then immediately remember why b/p is never a good idea) and OH MY GOD THE BLOATING. It's constant, and it's severe. I look 8 months pregnant (I wish I was exaggerating). It happens daily now, and doesnt seem to be triggered by anything in particular (sometimes before I've eaten anything that day, sometimes right after I eat, sometimes after I've been to the gym). It's super uncomfortable and makes me feel SO HUGE. I just end up thinking that there's no point in recovering if I'm just going to look and feel even worse.

Anyone else? Is this normal? I even went to the doctor to see if there was something seriously wrong with me, but the doctor was pretty dismissive and just told me to exercise and eat healthy (bitch I already do that). She did order some blood tests, but everything was normal.

I did read people tend to get bloating when recovering from bulimia, but it's been MONTHS. I keep thinking I've damaged my stomach permanently and this is going to be my life now.

Any help, tips, personal andecdotes or just general commiserating will be greatly appreciated!

---

My boyfriend insists on informing me how hot his past hookups were. They're all skinnier than me.
/u/throwawayladywiththe
Created: Sat Jul 7 15:15:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wweyf/my_boyfriend_insists_on_informing_me_how_hot_his/
---
So, rant time. I’ve used a throwaway because my boyfriend knows my username, but my regular account is subscribed to this sub.

So there’s a lot of well-known Instagram models in my city. Yesterday I was on Instagram and go into this Instagram model’s profile and see who she follows. I went to high school with some of these girls, some went to my school but different grades, their moms are friends with my friends moms, etc. So there’s a certain proximity to these girls.

These girls have 30k, 100k, 200k followers, all of them models, skinny, beautiful, fit girls. They are often talked about in my city. I never gave much importance to it, but then I noticed that my boyfriend and his friend group would comment and talk about these girls and their awesome bodies in their chat/ text groups and occasionally in real life. They’d literally screenshot their Instagram posts and upload them to the group and then comment on their how great their ass is. Fine. Everyone’s allowed to look at the menu. It’s weird, but fine.

This is like the fifth time this happened: my boyfriend will walk about some girl he hooked up with, and how proud of himself he is (then corrects was) about that, namely because they are models and everyone wanted to get with them and my boyfriend got to make out with her. If I didn’t know who she was my boyfriend made sure to inform me she was a hot girl everyone was super into, and how impressed his friends were, and how he got to kiss her, or date her for some time, etc. Another time he was like, “yeah, I hooked up with Jessica Smith” like I was supposed to know who she was, because he was saying her name like she was famous. I asked, who? And he said, “Jessica Lastname, the model! I hooked up with her!”

I would normally forget the name after this, but strangely enough I came across some publicity of dresses or clothes or something in which JESSICA SMITH MODELS Y BIKINI BRAND! Then I bumped into other ad, then other. So now I was seeing her everywhere. He’s told me of at least 4. We’ve dated for 3 years. So now I’m like surrounded by fucking billboards and Instagram sponsored ads displaying girls he hooked up or has talked about how hot they are with his friends and feeling like shit about how he’s so proud to have dated/hooked up with them or how he admired their ass/tits/body.

Yesterday I was on Instagram, and went into one of these model girls' Instagram profile (Let’s call her Jane). She follows a thousand people versus 50,000 followers. I remember her ass being discussed multiple times in those chat groups. And apparently she follows my boyfriend. So I text him and was like, hey, I know this is going to sound super creeper and out of the blue, and I mean this in a totally not psycho girlfriend way, but Jane follows you! She’s famous! How do you know her?

To be honest, I wasn’t asking because I was jealous. I meant what I said. This girl is much older than us and just had a baby with her husband. It was more like, how exciting! Some famous lady knows my boyfriend. I like gossip. Tell me about this famous lady. So he tells me their moms know each other and this girl used to take classes with his mom. Oh, cool. That’s nice. He then goes on to tell me, unprompted, about how some years ago he went to a club with Jane and made out with her, and how he used to think of that kiss as a “trophy” of sorts.

I didn’t know what to say to this new information. What do you respond to that? Congrats on your sexual conquest? What bothers me is not that he has a history, which everyone does, but that he feels the need to bring it up like something to be proud of or almost like waxing nostalgia about hot girls he’s hooked up with.
And I guess it kills me that I can’t compete. At my lowest weight I certainly could, but now right now. It kills me that all these girls he was into are skinnier than me.

I told him it bothered me that he told me about hooking up with these girls, and how it made me feel, and he immediately started doing damage control and launched into how he loves me and I’m the only one and I’m so beautiful how could I think that, those girls are vapid and bitches and sluts and yadda yadda who cares about their beauty, that’s not important- Oh yeah? Then why the fuck do you talk about them so often? With me and with your friends? Now that your girlfriend is upset that you talked about how hot these girls are, suddenly they’re terrible people? If they’re so awful why are you proud to have dated/hooked up with/ talk about their bodies?

Now I can’t get rid of the thought that he somehow settled for me, or wishes he had “gotten” one of those Instagram models as a girlfriend (he never got serious with any of them, they were always short or one-night things) and was like, welp, I guess I’ll just date this other substandard girl (me).

Now I fee not good enough, not skinny enough. He’s coming over later and I’ll talk to him about it.

The sane person in me wants to have a diplomatic conversation where we discuss it politely, and I calmly tell him my feelings.

But I feel a bottomless pit of rage inside me and the insane part of me wants to throw a hissy fit, because I’m not skinny enough to compete with these girls. I’d bet all my savings my boyfriend has never cheated on me. But the crazy in me whispers oh but he wishes he could.

Part of me thinks he’s settled for me, and jacks off thinking about these Instagram models he’s hooked up with. I can’t get it out of my head. I know we’ll have the conversation, he’ll think I’m insane for being so insecure, or hell, even laugh, and I’ll still feel like crap afterwards, and then in 6 months he’ll bring up another one.

Dramatic me wants to have the conversation, then tell him, I don’t want to hang ut with you today or this weekend. You make me feel like crap. I’m going with my friends today. They make me laugh and make me feel good about myself.

But they’re all on holiday. I can have the conversation and then not see him today, but I would definitely sit at home by myself.

This is my biggest insecurity. I compare myself with my current SO’s past flames and if they’re skinnier than me, I go insane.

---

[Rant/Rave] Update to long shifts + lack of appetite = weight loss hopefully
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Sat Jul 7 15:11:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wwdwr/update_to_long_shifts_lack_of_appetite_weight/
---
My appetite was coming back today and I was both annoyed (cause it was the middle of my 4 and a 1/2 hour shift) and kinda glad cause I was getting worried. Then it went again, because I got annoyed at my phone which was useless, had a flickering screen and wouldn't let other people hear me sometimes on phone calls (I was on the phone to my dad and it kind of became the last straw because I'm sick and tired of saying 'hey dad can you hear me?' over and over and over), so I threw it like the secret 5 year old I am, the phone's on but the screen won't turn on, I can see that the LED is cracked, my girlfriend said I could use her old one if I ever needed to, I've messaged to make sure but she's out for her friends birthday and I've got her phone on charge now. It's been off in a draw for over a year and isn't turning on but I'm hoping it's just taking a while. I'm so scared guys, what if I've broken her phone as well? I don't have the money to buy a new phone and I don't want to ask family again because my dad's already helped pay for a new laptop after mine died in April and my nan already gave me £100 to help with rent and now I've gone and broken my phone because I got annoyed but I've told my dad that the screen just died. I guess it's a good way to fuel my eating disorder?

I'm sorry this is such a mess, I've been looking at phones on the internet and am heading into the city centre tomorrow to see if I can get a cheap smart phone without a sim so wish me luck, but it looks like I won't be buying food in for a while which is good at least.

---

Dreaming of food :/
/u/gastrulablastopore
Created: Sat Jul 7 14:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ww8yv/dreaming_of_food/
---
I frequently have dreams where I find a super low cal but fatty and sugary and delicious food and eat a shit ton of it. But then when I wake up I think, “no fuck that definitely had more calories than I thought” only to be relieved that it was all just a dream haha. I’ve been eating more and feeling better recently, so maybe my brain’s just gotten used to eating again or something? Idk

---

Be proud of who you are!
/u/thinprincipessa
Created: Sat Jul 7 14:40:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ww6f4/be_proud_of_who_you_are/
---
... and not ashamed of others see YOU!

I am 25 yeara old. Studying on an bachelor degreee to become SOMEONE.
But ain't I already SOMEONE?
Why isn't being me enough? Who should I become? Where is the destination?
I am the destination - ain't I?

LIVE- it is abour THAT moment - the moment you struggle, you start to think about, you doubt.

Life is about struggle, thoghts, doubts.

In a life where you can be ANYTHING.
BE KIND!!! struggle, doubt, overthink, hate, live, cry, LOVE ♡♡
And when you are there - look BACK!
and be PROUD.
When you can get this FAR - you can be and reach EVERYTHING!
you are precious - no matter what, no matter what they say. REMEMBER THAT.
IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS.

---

I would like to tell you all what I binged today, because maybe it'll encourage me not to do it again
/u/CoffeeBonez
Created: Sat Jul 7 14:39:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ww67n/i_would_like_to_tell_you_all_what_i_binged_today/
---
With calorie estimates...
Late breakfast/lunch:

Starbucks iced pineapple tea (50kcal?)
Starbucks pesto salad (400kcal?)
Starbucks pan au raisin (320kcal?)
Magnum white chocolate ice cream (300kcal?)

Dinner:
2 x chicken teriyaki skewers (150kcal each?)
200g (I think, maybe more)skinny chips (uhh... 300+kcal?)
100g frozen vegetables (less than 100 kcal. I'm watching my figure, obviously)
So I'm like 500 kcal above maintenance, but WAIT THERE'S MORE

100g of maltesers (503kcal exactly. The box is still next to me)
Almost 135g of galaxy smooth caramel (100g is 498kcal ... And I'm not very good at math)
A handful of haribo 'smurfs'

It was only last week that I was celebrating hitting the 5 stone lost milestone, and now today is like I'm back to my old eating habits. I wanted to tell someone who would understand the fucked psychology of bingeing, because to be honest, after the Starbucks stuff and a few cans of Pepsi Max I probably couldve gone without eating for the rest of the day. I just wanted to feel full. When i eat food that I want (not even want by hunger, just want by greed) I feel like I've succeeded in something. I think it's because I grew up poor so my mum wouldn't let me snack a lot, and knowing there was food in the house that I wanted but couldn't have, would make me quite sad as a child. Now I'm a grown ass adult I can buy and eat whatever I want, and it's like I want to make up for all the goodies that I missed out on as a kid.

Thankyou for reading. Does anyone have any post-binge self care? Last time I binged I felt hungover the next day. Headaches, tired, shaking ... And let's not forget the ever lasting shame and guilt of being a disgusting sack of shit with no self control.

---

Funny story (actually not funny and very sad)
/u/annoyingdoggy
Created: Sat Jul 7 14:30:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ww3te/funny_story_actually_not_funny_and_very_sad/
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I was about to remove my makeup, saw that the makeup remover tub contains 200ml and my first thought was “I wonder how many calories and macros this has.” Well if I wasn’t sure I had disordered behaviour before, I definitely do now :)

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Easy Way to Lose 1/2lb in 10 Minutes!
/u/UnderseaK
Created: Sat Jul 7 14:20:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ww1gn/easy_way_to_lose_12lb_in_10_minutes/
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Step 1: Have super thick hair

Step 2: Be sick of getting headaches from your hair and dying from the heat.

Step 3: Chop nine inches off hair in your bathroom with sewing scissors!



Congratz, you are now 1/2lb lighter. Also you have less hair. 😂


I had no clue hair weighs that much! I kinda wish I'd done it sooner lol.

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Weed is a major trigger and my friend is staying with for for 3 weeks to get high.
/u/letstryforkarma
Created: Sat Jul 7 13:34:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wvq10/weed_is_a_major_trigger_and_my_friend_is_staying/
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He is from overseas. Usually goes to europe to party and do drugs on vacation. He lives in a semi-dry country. Alchohol is harder to get for home use and the bars have all overpriced.

He's here in canada and knows weed is decriminalized. But i didn't know his appetite for hard drugs was so high. He doesn't have to worry about addiction because he gets to go back to his sober-by-default country.

I hadn't smoked in 5 weeks before he came. I thought maybe i could get through it without binging, but it's usually a 99% chance I'll binge if i get high.

I can't do this for 3 weeks. This is only the first weekend and i have 4 with him.

My ED already is fucked up enough for me want to get high on my own. I basicallt can't have binge foods or weed in my house or I'll do both. And instead i have a friend with high expectations to smoke weed and then some, which I'm very worried about.

I'm reaching out to a mutual friend, who knows about my ED, about this position i put myself in.


**TLDR**: i myself usually have a weed-binge problem alone at home. Now i have long-term house guest here to do the same + harder drugs. I was juat starting to get a grip on my life before he got here.

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[Help] Some tips on fasting while home alone
/u/adegreeinbirdlaw
Created: Sat Jul 7 13:25:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wvnp6/some_tips_on_fasting_while_home_alone/
---
Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer so far and feeling their best. Much love 💕

So I just returned from uni, which should have been a haven for my habits but unfortunately for me I just happen to have the most observant, well-meaning and supportive friends, who have pretty much supervised my eating and made sure that I wasn't really able to restrict as much I was like. I love them to bits, but unfortunately they tend to focus on the times I eat too little and not the times I eat too much, with the result that I was able to binge but not to restrict or purge and thus gained more weight than I would like to admit.

My family are going on a three week holiday and leaving me alone to look after the house and farm. I'd really like to get back into the pattern of restriction that I found really effective before starting uni but last time I kind of gradually lowered my calorie intake so I didn't have issues with hunger or weakness, etc., plus I had people around. I would like to get to that point much quicker, but am a little concerned -- if I was to faint, for example, there's no one around but the dogs to help me!

Any tips on how to get back into the swing of STRICT restriction and intermittent fasting while maintaining energy levels? I will probably be working as well so I can't afford to be too weak ☹️

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[Rant/Rave] I hate when people try to make eating disorders look cute
/u/throwaway-soph
Created: Sat Jul 7 13:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wvkxg/i_hate_when_people_try_to_make_eating_disorders/
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Anorexia is not an aesthetic. You won’t be cute and tiny and eat adorable little strawberries and get to snuggle inside your boyfriend’s oversized hoodie. Anorexia is not posed pictures with healthy foods on an Instagram page. It’s not looking beautiful and dainty as you eat a salad at a classy restaurant.

I am sick of posts in here characterizing eating disorders this way. I understand that these images are “motivational” for some people but they disgust me at this point. They’re honestly kind of insulting. They mask the reality of eating disorders and make this seem like a game.

When I was 100 pounds, I had no energy. I had no friends. I spent half my time napping in my dorm. I was freezing all the time. My hair fell out. My face looked gaunt. I would almost faint at the gym. I spent a trip to France and a trip to Colorado insanely anxious and emotionally up and down because I was scared of eating. I didn’t enjoy anything I ate in France. I used alcohol to numb emotional pain. My relationship ended. I was incredibly sick.

Two years later, I’m 116 pounds, after an episode of bulimia and an anorexia relapse. I’ve had multiple panic attacks in the last month because I abuse adderall to suppress my appetite. I spent 4 hours last night terrified that I had a blood clot because I mixed alcohol and adderall. In the past I abused coke for the same reason. I smoke way too often. I’m starting to lose hair again. My circulation is terrible. I have almost no safe foods. It’s my 21st birthday tonight and I’m excited but I’m upset that I didn’t hit my goal of 115 and afraid to eat too much before going out. I wish I didn’t live this way but it’s been 6 years at this point.

I don’t mean to be harsh, and I understand having inspiration for what you want to look like. I love fashion magazines and Pinterest and pictures of pretty girls. But anorexia itself is not cute. I think it might specifically be the infantilization and cutesy elements that specifically annoy me, but overall I just want people to know that anorexia does not feel that way and will never feel that way. When you’re binging it can feel like the key to happiness, it definitely did for me, but now I’m back to it and it’s miserable.

---

i am confusion
/u/justirooni
Created: Sat Jul 7 13:08:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wvjio/i_am_confusion/
---
been binging pretty hard these last 2 weeks but I’ve maintained my weight? also yesterday was an especially rough day but when I weighed myself it turns out i actually lost a pound?? Is my scale inaccurate or....

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[Goal] How did it begin for you? What was your goal?
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Sat Jul 7 12:58:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wvgjx/how_did_it_begin_for_you_what_was_your_goal/
---

---

After 18 months without binge-vomit, I did it again...
/u/_redTitan
Created: Sat Jul 7 12:51:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wveqc/after_18_months_without_bingevomit_i_did_it_again/
---
I thought I was over it. Well, not really I still had a lot of trouble with food but I started again counting calories few weeks ago because I really want to achieve to be at my goal weight one day. People already noticed that I lost weight and that's great but due to a social week-end I took back 0,8 pound instead of losing some and the next days I was forced to eat at restaurant so going to gain weight again...

It happened this afternoon, I just it a lot of crap, and keep eating to be sure that wasn't for nothing... And I vomited everything.

I just don't want motivation but that's so hard... I'm still waiting everyday until food time...

---

Where to get ephedrine?
/u/GingersGstrings
Created: Sat Jul 7 12:41:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wvc4q/where_to_get_ephedrine/
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Where can I get ephedrine in the US? Any Canadian is Indian sites that will ship that are legit?

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I almost fainted at a music festival yesterday
/u/SqueegeeOujia
Created: Sat Jul 7 12:29:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wv91j/i_almost_fainted_at_a_music_festival_yesterday/
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I’m so completely infuriated with my body. I’m not even close to an underweight BMI, at all, so it’s not like I’m running on empty. I had almost 1,000 calories the day prior, so yesterday I decided I wasn’t going to eat, except maybe something in the evening after the festival if I needed it. I made the mistake of not drinking any water (had a couple cups of coffee though) before I left, and the festival was happening all day outdoors in about 95F weather with humidity, so I knew when things started to go south that I was likely dehydrated.

In the second hour we were there, I started to get the panic feeling telling me I needed to get water ASAP, but being a poorly planned festival meant water was almost nowhere to be found. I got in line at the closest booth I could see where I thought there might be water, but it was too late. I was shaking badly, I could feel sharp tingling and subsequent numbness in my legs, feet, and left arm/hand, my vision was blurring and my eyelids were so heavy, my speech was slurred and it was hard to put words together, and finally I just sat down on the ground right where I was standing. Then I tried to stand up again knowing I was going to either pass out or vomit, then sat back down again, then I saw some staff people so I stood and lurched forward like a fucking cray person and just kept saying “water” like spongebob and Patrick (y’all know) and they had a bottle they handed me right away. I started falling over trying to drink and they had to walk me to some medical area because I could barely walk.

It was horrible and embarrassing and I wanted to cry. My friend seemed so annoyed too. I ended up cooling off enough and finishing the water while zero people at the medical tent offered help, and I felt like I could walk but still felt like utter shit and knew I was going to have to eat something. I ate a couple pieces of pizza (why aren’t there ANY healthy options at festivals) and drank another bottle of water and was able to walk and felt fine after an hour of sitting down and letting everything sort of settle I guess. All I could think about was how fat and slob by and disgusting I must have looked throughout the whole thing. If I saw myself walking by like that with staff people having to walk me to get help I’d laugh at my fat weak self.

Honestly I’m just completely infuriated with my body. I think there’s a chance it was a low blood sugar issue, but I really don’t know for sure. I know I needed to eat, because water just wasn’t doing anything for how horrible I was feeling. I was genuinely afraid of what might happen to me for a couple of minutes. And that just makes me more angry. There are people who fast for 20 to 30 days who don’t crash like that. People who even just fast for a day. Why can’t I wake up and hit a music festival without needing to stuff my fat fucking face? It isn’t even about losing more, it’s just that I don’t want my life to be controlled by food. This is so stupid. What’s wrong with me? Are some people incapable of fasting? And if so how do I fix that?

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What is the most calories you've consumed on a binge?
/u/MissMichuMoo
Created: Sat Jul 7 12:12:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wv4it/what_is_the_most_calories_youve_consumed_on_a/
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I would love to know.

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[Discussion] intense/demanding jobs?
/u/takayl
Created: Sat Jul 7 12:01:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wv1m1/intensedemanding_jobs/
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hi friends, was curious about if anyone else worked a really intense job - not necessarily manual labor (although that would be interesting to hear about too!) but i’m starting a job soon that would involve 80-100 hour weeks. really fucking terrified about fucking up but also it’s a sedentary desk job and i’m even more afraid about gaining weight (which is what seems to be a common side effect i’ve heard). just wondering if anyone else has similar experiences and how you go about restricting when you need to be mentally “on” at all times because like i said i’m fucking terrified

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A big, bad binge is coming...
/u/KattyWampus666
Created: Sat Jul 7 11:55:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wv008/a_big_bad_binge_is_coming/
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Yesterday, I fasted for 17 hours then binged (1800 calories FML) when I did sit down to eat something. Today, Im currently mid fast (18 hours and counting..) but Im terrified I will binge again (Im having a very emotional day so I feel like a big binge is inevitable) when I do eventually eat... Im going to the gym in a few hours and I will have to eat or risk passing out mid workout...

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Finally starting to exercise right
/u/NovANDP
Created: Sat Jul 7 11:44:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wux56/finally_starting_to_exercise_right/
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For a long time, I've been restricting and fasting with no changes in weight, because I am have chronic pain, and could not exercise very good. But today, for the first time in forever, I dance to favorite songs with no pain, and I can almost feel the fat burn off of me! I'm so happy! Anyone else has same feeling?

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4 hours of sleep = "euphoria"
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Sat Jul 7 11:43:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wuwsa/4_hours_of_sleep_euphoria/
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Today after a rough week regarding family issues, weird thoughts (not good mentality) & weaning myself off of laxatives, being emotionally conflicted over an ex , letter from a good friend in jail & self inducing isolation;


I just feel golden. I've maintained the weight loss without bingeing and have gone down a pound. I've kept up with all my cardio and forced my self to eat protein based foods after working out. I know I'm not eating enough but at the same time too much. I hope I can enjoy this moodswing before I crash with drinking :)

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My (kind of N)mom is coming back from rehab tonight, and I simultaneously want to eat everything and nothing.
/u/kpatable
Created: Sat Jul 7 11:34:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wuua4/my_kind_of_nmom_is_coming_back_from_rehab_tonight/
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*Btw, "Nparent/person" is used in* r/raisedbynarcissists *to denote a narcissistic person (usually a parent); I have it in parentheses because my therapist and I both agree she is not totally narcissistic, but it's been enough to have a significant and negative impact on me.*

But yeah, she has been inpatient for alcoholism for the past 2 months, and it's been wonderful, tbh. I actually have felt comfortable living at my parents' house (which I still do at 26 bc of mental illnesses and shit) instead of afraid and anxious and hopeless because of how my mom treats me and how she behaves. And like, it's not like I don't want to move out - **I definitely do**. It's just that I currently can't (though I have been working very hard toward it). Buuuuuut yeah, anyway, I found this out *last night*. So I have almost no time to prepare. I keep thinking about what will happen when she asks me if I'm glad she's back (I'm not), or if she expects me to hug her (fuck no), or any of that shit. I not only don't have the energy to be fake to her anymore, but *I just don't* ***fucking*** *want to be*. So I'll probably just lock myself in my room and let her come talk to me when she wants to. Idfk how that will go. Because I can't give her the answers she wants and be honest at the same time. Maybe she'll come back a changed woman. Hopefully.

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Free to fast/restrict
/u/moon1811
Created: Sat Jul 7 11:31:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wutew/free_to_fastrestrict/
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I am starting med school on monday and most of my classes are at noon. I am so excited cause I will be free to not eat lunch and or breakfast. Having a excuse not to eat makes me more excited than buying new notebooks and stuff (i love notebooks and pens and all that). I just wanted to speak about it because it will make it true.

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166.6
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Sat Jul 7 11:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wusaf/1666/
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Just an update. Some of you might remember my previous post. Well here I am at the Devil's weight still. My scale died and I got new batteries. I've tried letting up on restriction, tightening down, doubling my steps and working out, stress reduction and yoga.. low salt and gallons of water.. various combos of the above.. and still, nothing. Some days it has been higher, but never lower.

What the hell.

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Can I just rant for a minute about my body?
/u/Newthrowyaccount
Created: Sat Jul 7 11:22:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wur5z/can_i_just_rant_for_a_minute_about_my_body/
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I'm 135 pounds last I weighed myself. And I've binged a lot since then so I'm probably even more now. I'm 5'2 so that is literally overweight for my height. I used to be 120 and still thought I was a bit overweight. (If only I knew back then...)

I'm friends with a lot of really overweight people. My mom is always on some diet or another. So I feel like I can't complain to anyone in real life. I don't want to be *that* person.

But I also just want to complain about my weight gain!! My $240 spent in well-fitting bras when I was 120 pounds no longer fit, as well as countless pairs of shorts and other clothes. At this point I'm not sure if they will again. I hate binge eating. I honestly hate my body. I'm really short. I'm an adopted Asian and friends with mostly non-Asians, so I don't really like that I'm Asian. I have no eyelids. I have a round face and look dumb. My friends like to take candid Snapchat pictures of each other and I hate every one I'm in. I'm super self conscious (as you can probably tell) so I spend a lot of time staring at myself in the mirror, which probably comes off as vain and narcissistic, so I try not to, but then I'm even more self conscious. Can I just lose the weight already??

/Rant

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[Rant/Rave] Somehow I'm here again
/u/rgb519
Created: Sat Jul 7 11:04:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wum8u/somehow_im_here_again/
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I feel like my entire life has just been a cycle of ED, recovery, trying to lose weight in a healthy way, and relapse. These past few months I've tried to just make better food choices overall without calorie counting, and of course that doesn't work for me because I have no fucking idea what a true healthy diet is anymore. I try counting calories "healthily" to lose at an acceptable rate and I get fucking nowhere. I literally cannot seem to lose a single fucking pound unless I restrict and obsess over every calorie I take in. I hate my body so much right now and I so wish that it would let me lose weight without going down this spiral where I end up afraid of every food that's not broth and saltine crackers. I hate taking EC stacks and laxatives and hydroxycut and Alli and spending every waking moment thinking about the scale.

I hate that I'm a fucking adult and have the same relationship with food and my body that I did at age 12. I am so tired of this endless cycle.

Sorry for the rant, but I don't have anywhere else to do it.

tl;dr fuck this

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[Rant/Rave] Relapse after years of recovery
/u/FastestDickEver
Created: Sat Jul 7 10:47:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wuhqb/relapse_after_years_of_recovery/
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First of all I’m new here, been lurking for a while but I need somewhere to vent and I guess this is the right space?

I’ve had disordered eating since I was around 14. I’m now 20 and I thought I was over this, finally back up to a healthy weight and not thinking about food constantly. However my dad died 3 months ago and everything has fucked up from there.

I cannot stop thinking about food. I cannot stop counting calories. I cannot stop obsessing and hating how fat I’ve let myself become. The grief from my loss has developed into a relapse I think, and the sick part is I don’t even feel upset about it. I want to lose this weight.

I’ve lost over two stone in two months and everyone says how I look thinner, It feels so good and I know it shouldn’t.

I’ve become better at purging which I never thought would happen, it’s developing into an everyday thing when in the past I’d only use it in ‘emergencies’

I don’t really know what the purpose of this post is, I’m so afraid to talk to my friends about how bad it’s getting so just letting it out feels so much better.

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I fit in my favourite dress today!
/u/napoleonfucker69
Created: Sat Jul 7 10:46:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wuhf7/i_fit_in_my_favourite_dress_today/
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I bought this dress from Primark with £5 and it was very tight on me when I bought it but i thought 'fuck it it's only 5 quid'. It fits perfectly now. I dont't have anyone else to share this achievement with so here I am, finally posting to this sub I've been lurking for weeks! I am finally at a healthy BMI (after being overweight for years) and although I still have a negative body image, I will drink all my calories away as a celebration! Keep doing your thing, loves! Stay healthy :) !

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The struggle of a eating disordered lesbian
/u/feellikegucci
Created: Sat Jul 7 10:23:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wubei/the_struggle_of_a_eating_disordered_lesbian/
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Looking at thinspo/thin women and being torn between being attracted to them and being jealous of their body

I don't know how to cope with this anymore ughh why are women the epitome of beauty

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Post Surgery Options
/u/sandbees
Created: Sat Jul 7 09:25:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wtwxb/post_surgery_options/
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I just had knee surgery to fix an issue with my tendon so I can’t exercise as heavily as I’d like to (I can barely walk). And with my parents trying to help me recover, they make me eat all my meals and then some. What can I do to make sure I don’t gain too much until I can exercise again??

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[Rant/Rave] Why am I not losing
/u/constantwinter
Created: Sat Jul 7 09:18:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wtve9/why_am_i_not_losing/
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I'm not an idiot. I know it doesn't just happen because you did ""well"" for a week straight. I know how the body works and that my reaction is stupid and I'm just being impatient.

But at the same time it makes me so fucking... Itchy. I've managed to restrict below 500 calories a day for about two weeks, apart from a day or two where I was below 1000.
The first week, I'd weigh myself every two days or so (I used to weigh in every single morning but I stopped because it kinda ruined my day every day) and things were happening, yaknow. Not nearly as drastically as I would've wanted, but like I said, I know how the body works and I was like alright, fair enough, at least the number's going down.
Seeing the slow change kinda boosted my willpower to restrict, because I remember from a few years ago when I'd lose literally 1kg a day and I got such a rush of confidence and joy from it.
I'd go 5 or 6 days a week at work on nothing but diet coke and coffee with sweeteners. I was feeling motivated and good about the weight loss, but I needed more of it. Every day I'd spend 9 hours at my desk (I like overtiming because it keeps me busy) feeling like I was gonna pass out, I'd come home, have some more diet coke and go to sleep.
I didn't weigh myself for over 4 days, I guess I was "drumrolling" for what I expected to be my old LW or something, like a grand opening and I'd be so happy.
Come Thursday morning, I wake up feeling like my stomache is a black hole so empty that I can't even move, which I took as a good sign in this case. I'm feeling good, feeling like maybe today's the day, thinking that even if I'm not at my old LW, I bet I lost a lot, and today's gonna be a good, confident day for me.
Step on the scale.
I am literally 0,1 kg away from my "if I ever reach this weight again I'm going to kill myself" weight.
I gained. And not just that, I surpassed the weight from my less intense restriction period, I surpassed my starting weight, I'm one heavy hoodie away from the weight that makes me want to give up being 2+ years self-harm free simply because I have to teach myself somehow that this is not acceptable.

And yes, I know that water retention is a thing, and if I'm at a calorie deficit I have nothing to freak out about, but I just... Fucking... I hate this... I hate my genetics, I hate my "natural weight" that just keeps coming back no matter how fucking hard I try... I hate looking at myself, knowing that I have to leave for work in 10 minutes, and THIS is what I look like. This is how people see me. They don't see my heart getting so fucking weak from malnutrition that I can't stop panting all through the day. They don't see that I'm limboing between being a strong presence at work and literally collapsing on the floor because of my chronic illness that will put me in a coma if I don't get enough carbohydrates. They don't see how I'm daydreaming about using my nails to rip the skin off my arms because I'm so fucking itchy about not losing any weight.

They can't even tell I'm trying, can they. Since I'm not losing any weight, why would anyone be able to tell that I'm working on it. They see what's there to see; a girl who looks like she spent last weekend in bed eating chocolate. A girl that prefers loose-fitting clothes. A girl who only wears black because any other colour would reveal too much.

I don't know why I fucking try. It's the weekend now, and I'm alone, and I can't curb my cravings and I just want to go mayhem in the kitchen, have a good ol' binge session and follow it up with crying and cutting myself and taking drugs to make me nauseous enough to vomit and sit in a three hour ice bath and spend the rest of the week lowering my head and feeling like the worst possible person the world could ever see.

But I'm not crazy. I won't do that. Instead, I might give myself a little break, have a sandwich like a normal person, maybe don't measure how many teaspoons of milk I put in my coffee, take it easy and have an ED vacation day where I just don't care about my intake for a day and just relax. For my mental health.
But that's so much worse. I'll have no idea how many calories I've had, I could've had MORE than I would from a binge for all I know. And I won't feel like shit, because I'm "letting this one slide" which means I'll never learn. If I don't feel like killing myself for weeks afterwards, how am I supposed to teach my subconscious to never ever fucking do it again? What about my punishment for gaining weight? I don't get one? I just get away with it? I just keep living my life like this, dying a little inside at the sight of myself?

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A doctor laughed at me a year ago and now I fucked up
/u/BasicallyBelle
Created: Sat Jul 7 09:12:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wttqh/a_doctor_laughed_at_me_a_year_ago_and_now_i/
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About a year ago I went to the Doctor and mentioned that I might possibly have an eating disorder- I display a lot of the symptoms for Binge Eating Disorder- and was trying to find some help because I felt like I was going to eat myself into unhealthy habits and essentially decimate my body.

She laughed at me. Said “I’d kill to look like you, you don’t have an eating disorder” I cried, i was vulnerable and I was laughed at.

So I considered that maybe she was right and rationalized my eating habits as healthy.

Now it’s a year later and for the first time in my life I’m Overweight. I don’t know what to do. I live in Orlando now and don’t know of any doctors that can help. I wanna kill myself... to make matters worse my boyfriend is my ideal weight of 120 pounds. I’m just... i fucked myself up.

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[Help] Help me order dinner tonight!
/u/painxiety
Created: Sat Jul 7 08:53:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wtp6y/help_me_order_dinner_tonight/
---
http://putterssportsgrill.com/menu/

Salads are a NO GO. I am going out with someone who has heard me speak avidly of my love for eating taco bell and skyline (they don't know i throw it up or that i have an eating disorder).

I will probably be ordering 2 or 3 diet coke & rum with lime as well which is about 300 calories.

I was thinking maybe an appetizer? I want to keep it at less than 700 calories. I also dont want to only eat half of something because i am not one to eat left overs and will just throw the other half out. Splitting is not an option because this guy is permafriendzoned (swerve) and sharing a meal would be too couple-y.

Thoughts? Live vicariously through me!

---

Coming to terms with what my body will actually look like when I reach my goal weight
/u/plasticpeonies
Created: Sat Jul 7 08:47:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wtnsw/coming_to_terms_with_what_my_body_will_actually/
---
Because of issues with binging and a sedentary job, I got up to 186lb. I'm down to 175 last time I checked (about a month ago), which is not a huge difference when my ultimate goal is 125.

I watch a YouTuber who's super tiny and adorable, who used to be about my size I think. She never talks about how she lost the weight but she does talk about the fact that she DID lose it, and has mentioned/shown that her thighs still have extra skin in the "thigh gap" area. She's beautiful and it's hardly noticeable but I understand why she shies away from showing it. I also don't know how old she was when she made the change.

I'm 25 and always dehydrated, so I'm worried my skin will never bounce back from this. It makes me sad to think that even after I put all the work in, I still may never feel confident in a bathing suit, or in crop tops, or high waisted flowy skirts because my skin lumps might show.

Idk. I'm just annoyed at past-me for coping with emotion through binging.

---

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else get mad when people disturb your eating?
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Sat Jul 7 08:27:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wtj4v/anyone_else_get_mad_when_people_disturb_your/
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If someone asks me to do something or even talks to me while I'm eating I get irrationally angry - like I swear to god I see red for a second! I wanna fuckin hulk out! It's like, fuck, I only get this today, LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME ENJOY IT!

---

[Help] Please help me figure out these calories I ate 😨
/u/tzt-t
Created: Sat Jul 7 08:04:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wte27/please_help_me_figure_out_these_calories_i_ate/
---
http://imgur.com/gallery/xiXmPEj

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Another milestone reached :D
/u/qu1et1
Created: Sat Jul 7 07:25:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wt59t/another_milestone_reached_d/
---
Obviously I can’t tell anyone in my real life but I’m super happy so I just wanted to share with you guys...

Officially reached BMI 17.4 (my goal was <17.5 aka “sick enough” by the old DSM diagnostic criteria)

And my actual weight is 101.6 which means I’m getting close to double digits again woohoo!

---

My mom is triggering disordered thoughts at 29 weeks pregnant.
/u/foodnrecipes009
Created: Sat Jul 7 07:11:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wt25t/my_mom_is_triggering_disordered_thoughts_at_29/
---
I've never posted here. Hello!

I have had issues with food since I was a kid watching my mom do weight watchers and become obsessive about points. I know the recipe for zero point cabbage soup without looking at it, that's how much zero point cabbage soup I have eaten in my life.

I moved out in 2009. Became addicted to fast food. Got fat. Adopted a keto diet. Carbs were the devil. 👿 Spent 8 months keto. Finally couldn't take it anymore, cause bread. Went to work at a health food grocery store & while the pay sucked, actually had the best relationship with food of my life working there. Left that job. Got fat again. Adopted a strict vegan diet. Meat & dairy were ANIMAL MURDER that would give you HEART DISEASE & CANCER!! At 10 weeks pregnant, developed iron deficiency anaemia & my thyroid stopped working. Stopped eating vegan, cause steak.

For 18 weeks I have felt like I have had a decently healthy diet. I eat mostly plant based with occasional servings of fish & eggs. I've had one steak & 1 burger. I am still anaemic but my iron has improved and my thyroid is functioning normally. I've gained 23 Ibs, which my doctor said was healthy for how pregnant I am. I felt good about how I was eating to grow my daughter.

And then my mom started with her comments.

"You're getting fat in the face!"
"You should be exercising more. "
"23lbs is too much"
"I don't even think I was as big as you when I was 40 weeks pregnant"

And in a matter of days I have gone from feeling okay with how this was going and the changes happening in my body and having to give up on any "diet".. to feeling the need to restrict. A lot. I spend more time looking in the mirror feeling critical. She's right. I have gained in my face. My belly IS huge for 29 weeks. I find myself posting on /1200isplenty when I know 1200 is NOT plenty to grow a new human being. But now I can't get her out of my head. And I don't know if that would make her ashamed of making me feel this way or glad that she's convinced me to "watch what I am eating". I'm going to talk to my OB about it at my next visit but that isn't until July 26 and it just scares me to think about contending with her voice in the back of my head between now & then every time I want to eat. :( I was doing so good.

---

Does this seem right?
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Sat Jul 7 07:10:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wt252/does_this_seem_right/
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We are having pork chops for dinner. I checked the weight on the package, it’s 0.79lb for four of them. So I’m assuming each pork chop is about 0.20lb which according to google equals 3.2oz. So going off that it’s saying it’s about 160 calories for the pork chop. Does that seem right? I’ll be cooking it with a bit of non stick spray and some seasonings, both 0 calories.

---

Do you have a IG food diary? I noticed a lot of japanese girls have them, so I started one and has really helped me not only to see my progress, but to remember past events and relax. Please, I would like to follow you if you have one. This is mine.
/u/subarremos
Created: Sat Jul 7 07:10:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wt24a/do_you_have_a_ig_food_diary_i_noticed_a_lot_of/
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https://i.redd.it/zzqjeafhzi811.jpg

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I feel like there's this perfect, low calorie, nutritous snack out there that I could eat all the time and still lose weight​
/u/highfeelings
Created: Sat Jul 7 07:06:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wt17l/i_feel_like_theres_this_perfect_low_calorie/
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no one would question me for not eating enough. i could just have a bowl of this next to my bed or desk and eat all day. i'd get all the nutrients and vitamins i need from it and not feel like a sack of shit for eating it

i saw a show a while back that had these food pellets that soldiers used to get all their nutrients, vitamins, and whatever and still stay healthy and i think that's where this obsession comes from. i'd eat this, and only this, all the time and not have to feel guilty because i'd still be losing weight. it wouldn't even have to taste great because sometimes eating tasty food makes me feel guilty

so i guess what i'm say is, if you know a food like this it's time to share because i can't stop obsessing over it

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[Other] Your disorder doesn't define you
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Sat Jul 7 06:53:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wsydu/your_disorder_doesnt_define_you/
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https://i.redd.it/u30vxy66wi811.png

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book recommendations?
/u/arabella_05
Created: Sat Jul 7 06:52:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wsy7s/book_recommendations/
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due to food consuming every part of my life, and me trying to consume very little food i've decided to take up reading as a full time affair to try take my mind off fasting.

I've become somewhat obsessed with female-narrated thrillers/horrors full of manipulation lmao of course inspired by gone girl, and Gillian Flynn's other books are also amazing.

attempted to read wintergirls but couldn't get very far as it felt too YA and overly dramatic??

currently reading Bridget Jones and relating way too much to everything she's going through which is such a sad sentence lol

put your recommendations below please, i'd love to hear about what u guys are reading !!

---

[Rant/Rave] I saw a chart of the residents weights and heights today.
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Sat Jul 7 06:47:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wsx6x/i_saw_a_chart_of_the_residents_weights_and/
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And, I am lighter than every single one of them. All 160 residents. The lightest is 48kg, I’m 47.5kg. Literally a one pound difference.

Yet here I’m squealing inside jumping for joy because for once I feel skinny. It’s so messed up

---

[Rant/Rave] (tmi??) Using the Pavlovian effect to poop
/u/redbullandregrets
Created: Sat Jul 7 06:26:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wstcg/tmi_using_the_pavlovian_effect_to_poop/
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This sounds 200% ridiculous but I’m always constipated and angry about it, and my frustration makes it worse. A few weeks ago, I started sitting on the toilet and playing solitaire when I felt super backed up. It’s my fav game ever but I made it my poop game now, so I only play it when I gotta go. AND I ACTUALLY GO. EVERY TIME I PLAY SOLITAIRE ITS LIKE MY BODY FINALLY GIVES IN AND SHITS LIKE ITS SUPPOSED TO. In reality, I think focusing on a game helps relax my muscles and makes the time go by quicker so things can happen naturally instead of having to strain for a few measly turd nuggets.

Tl;dr: Drink plenty of water and consume fiber so u don’t need a poop game to trick your body to do its thing

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I really should eat but i really shouldnt.....
/u/Spacey_Lacy
Created: Sat Jul 7 06:13:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wsqxh/i_really_should_eat_but_i_really_shouldnt/
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Im gonna be spending all day swimming and i haven't eaten in a while... I want to eat breakfast before i leave because what if i pass out and then everyone finds out? But if i eat then im scared ill overeat and gain.. Ugh! I wish this was an easy choice! I know whats good for me! Why am i scared of eating? Just thinking about myself eating makes me want to cry because im so scared of gaining!

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! July 07, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jul 7 06:11:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wsqlz/stupid_questions_saturday_july_07_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for July 07, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 07, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jul 7 06:10:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wsqgk/daily_food_diary_july_07_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 07, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Discussion] Correlation between BDD and orgasm? [NSFW]
/u/janesavage
Created: Sat Jul 7 05:55:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wsnq0/correlation_between_bdd_and_orgasm_nsfw/
---
I was wondering if there's a correlation between BDD and not being able to reach orgasm, but I couldn't find anything on the subject or the potential psychological block.
I can usually get over the hate of my own body to get to that point with my SO, but I've never finished. Of course, I'm relatively young and new to it, so maybe I just don't recognise it, but everything else is fine: I'm relaxed, it feels great, and he's an absolute gem. It gets to the point where I have to tell him to stop because the good sensation has plateaued and it'll only start to hurt soon. The strange thing is, it must be something subconscious, because as much as I consciously will myself, it just doesn't happen.
He's made suggestions like oestrogen (started drinking soy milk, but then I freaked out thinking about the calories and minimal difference it might make to my relatively curveless figure) and trying things out on my own to see what works. As good an idea as that may be, I just really have zero interest in masturbating. It feels pointless and makes my hand dirty. But maybe it's a sort of BDD/performance anxiety combination, and I'd only be able to finish alone? Ugh. Kind of puts a damper on future plans.
Anyone else?

NB: I know the whole "um actually not all women experience orgasm" thing, but I'm still curious as to a general trend.

---

[Discussion] Happiness ∝ Body Weight
/u/NeverIsTooLongAWord
Created: Sat Jul 7 05:47:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wsm9q/happiness_body_weight/
---
Logically I know that my body weight doesn't determine my happiness because I still struggle with depression related to my ed (and other things), but somehow I can't stop the mentality that my happiness is proportional to my weight?? Like "when I reach this weight, I'll be happier"... Its so frustrating trying to explain it to other people because I know it's not rational. Can anyone else relate? How do you deal with this?

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[Rant/Rave] Food for the day ruined because of bugs
/u/Tonilier
Created: Sat Jul 7 05:20:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wshvm/food_for_the_day_ruined_because_of_bugs/
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Guess which dumbass left my big punnet of rasberies that I was gonna eat over the course of today out because they forgot there were holes in the plastic covering it had? This one! I went back downstairs to get some and they were all covered in flies and bugs and I just want to scream cus that's my food for the day in the bin now!! Guess I'll have to starve cus I'm too much of a dumbass to not have my food eaten by bugs. At least I feel disgusted enough to not binge.

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Visiting family after gaining weight
/u/Ham_Hock_24
Created: Sat Jul 7 05:12:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wsgmc/visiting_family_after_gaining_weight/
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I'm going visiting some of my family today (aunt, uncle, cousins), I haven't seen them in ages and I'm kind of dreading it because the last time I saw them I was way thinner than this. I hate that they might be shocked when they see how much I've gained. I also hate that they're probably aware of how much my weight fluctuates. They all stay basically the exact same size (thin/normal) but I feel like this out of control person who can't just have an appropriate body that I live in. My body never feels like my own because it changes so much and it always feels like I'm waiting for it to transform so I don't even feel like I'm in my actual body. Do others feel this? It's just like I'm waiting for my life to begin, and waiting for my 'real' body to be here (even though I know that if I ever reached my UGW I'd still have to work really hard to maintain it and it wouldn't just be easy). All my clothes are tight and horrible on me right now too and I just feel I shouldn't even leave my house while I'm like this. Does anyone have any tips to get through visiting people you haven't seen in a while, having gained a huge amount of weight?

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[Discussion] when u feel like all your accomplishments don't mean anything because you're not losing weight
/u/burrochevola
Created: Sat Jul 7 04:54:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wsdo0/when_u_feel_like_all_your_accomplishments_dont/
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when u finally reach a goal non-ed related, as small as it can be, and think "omg i did that, i'm pro-"
but you're plateauing HARD so your brain goes like "yes but ARE U LOSING WEIGHT? no? then it doesnt mean anything bc u still a fat fuck lol"

understandable have a nice day

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I feel like a fraud
/u/shonamairead
Created: Sat Jul 7 04:00:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ws5iq/i_feel_like_a_fraud/
---
I feel like I don't really have an ED and it feels wrong of me to say I have one because there are people who are literally dying of this disease because they're so thin and I'm nowhere near a dangerously low weight and I feel ashamed to say I have an ED when there are people who suffer from it much more than I do. Does anyone else feel like this??

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[Rant/Rave] Doing lines to keep the hunger away
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Sat Jul 7 03:25:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ws0d2/doing_lines_to_keep_the_hunger_away/
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my brain is going in so many directions right now i dont know how to feel or think i want to go for a run so bad but i cant and i dont know how to feel or think im not in a good place right now. fuck

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[Discussion] DAE buy an expensive meal and not eat it?
/u/jklikes
Created: Sat Jul 7 02:11:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wrpmh/dae_buy_an_expensive_meal_and_not_eat_it/
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Sometimes I buy a dish I know I'm not going to finish or really eat more than a few bites of, but after I throw it away, I curb my cravings by telling myself that I just "ate" $9/$20/$50+ worth of food. It's such a waste of money, and every time I do it, I hear a little voice from some ad telling me that there's starving children in developing countries who can't even get food while America has a massive food waste problem.

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling good !!!
/u/audreyhepburnwho
Created: Sat Jul 7 02:06:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wrosz/feeling_good/
---
I'm so SO so stoked. So Im going on a trip with a few friends this week. It's been planned since the beginning of the year and as usual I thought by now I'd be at my ugw and looking great. This trip doesnt include swimming (thank god) but it's gonna very super warm, so, no hiding in sweatshirts.

I'm nowhere near my ugw because when I got close to it in May , I began a binge cycle and regained a lot. I was feeling super down because as much as I want to enjoy this trip, I was dreading the pictures, and the regret, being there and thinking how much better I could be feeling if I was more confident in how I looked.

Anyway I've been successfully restricting for 2 weeks and seem to have broken the binge cycle, and although Im still very very far from goal, I clearly look better. I've also been making a lot of plans in terms of how my eating is gonna be during this trip, so I can keep it as restricted as possible without raising suspicion. It's coming time to pack and I had to decide what summer outfits I could come up with, at this weight (most summer clothes are too small now).

So today I woke up and actually felt good about how I was looking, grabbed a few things and started trying them on. and HOLY CRAP! I look decent! I was able to come up with 3 outfits that look SOO cute, accentuate the areas where I'm thinner (been losing on my stomach, so now I feel good wearing crop tops!!!), and Im just so happy. Ive never ever ever worn a crop top in front of my friends. It's gonna be the first time. So even though I still have a long way to go, I can at least feel good and enjoy the trip as I wanted to :) :) Im so happy I could cry. Not about looking good, but the relief of knowing I can enjoy this trip. i've had many trips and events ruined because I couldnt enjoy myself because I was too focused on hating how I looked. I think this time it won't happen. I'm so stoked :) I still have a few days until then where Im gonna restrict and fast. I wish I could show you guys pictures but I have a lot of tattoos and it wouldn't be possible to cover them/make this anonymous. but. YAY! Hope everyone has a good day <3

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[Rant/Rave] A family member scared and triggered me at the same time
/u/petewentzpetegoez
Created: Sat Jul 7 01:06:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wrf8u/a_family_member_scared_and_triggered_me_at_the/
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I went to a 4th of July celebration today and a lot of my family was there. So when my favorite uncle arrived I had already given in and was eating chips and dip. He brought dip and I even ate some of the dip he made. After that, we sat down and were just talking with some other family. I was resting my head on my hand, kind of propping it up with my hand. Conversation got quiet and he then asked me "Have you been eating?" I felt all eyes on me and then formed a confused look on my face and told him "yeah". My heart began racing. "Are you sure?" He pokes and prods. "Yeah" I say sharply. "Careful there you, you might kill someone with your sharp chin" A family member across the table tells me. I laugh awkwardly. I have a prominent chin and strong jawline and that's kind of an insecurity of mine. The fact I'm trying to loose weight doesn't help. "It just seems like every time I see you, you get skinnier" He replies to me with a strong look of concern. I make a concerned look on my face to combat his, awkwardly smile, and just shrug my shoulders.

His comment scared me. I don't see myself as scarily skinny. My stomach, arms, and thighs are so fucking fat, it's horrendous and incredibly disgusting. The rest of me is averageish, although I wish I could see my spine, hipbones, and ribs more, along with my collarbones. Sure it scared me but it also validated what I'm doing to myself. I may not see results but he sure does. Does that mean something? I guess it does but that kind of comment just makes me want to do this more. It's like it pushes the thought of recovery further away. It makes me realize that even though it doesn't seem like it, I *am* making progress. That all of this isn't for nothing and I am getting somewhere, whether it's good for me or not.

---

[Discussion] What’s been your most effective weight loss?
/u/smallest_madeline
Created: Sat Jul 7 00:21:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wr72w/whats_been_your_most_effective_weight_loss/
---
This is not asking for tips but I’m just curious about everyone’s experiences in losing weight. What has been your most effective routine when it came to losing a lot?

My most effective is literally purging everything I eat. Like I lost 21lbs over the period of 2 months just by eating “normal” meals and purging them all. However if I have b/p sessions I maintain but when I was purging everything I lost the most amount of weight.

My second most effective was just straight up fasting. I think it’s the hardest because of social pressure. It’s hard to have several days of fasting in a row when I have roommates but when I had a roommate that was always at her boyfriend’s house, it was super east and effective.

I would say that was tied with restricting around 500-600 calories with keto. I think it’s because I didn’t have carbs or sugar so it was just easy to not eat as much. But I feel like it took a lot of effort because I do have to prepare a lot of meals. But it was easier socially because people saw me eating what they thought was a real meal.

With all three I consistently worked out 4-6 times a week. My workouts are always bodyweight focused (Pilates, Tracy Anderson, etc) and cardio (walking, dance).

Anyway would love to hear your experiences since everyone is so different!

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Um excuse me what????????
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Sat Jul 7 00:16:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wr65q/um_excuse_me_what/
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https://i.redd.it/1xidwgphxg811.png

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Binge
/u/thaw563
Created: Sat Jul 7 00:14:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wr5tu/binge/
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Binged all day, 2800 cals +/- 150 wanna die.... I've been super stressed in all areas of my life, been constantly binging for a week, but this is the worst one... Wanna die...

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[Other] Watches blackhead extraction videos to curb binge urges.
/u/LauSaid1326
Created: Sat Jul 7 00:13:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wr5mp/watches_blackhead_extraction_videos_to_curb_binge/
---

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My doctor doesn't want me to lose anymore weight
/u/ladeda1312
Created: Sat Jul 7 00:01:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wr3j9/my_doctor_doesnt_want_me_to_lose_anymore_weight/
---
I went to the doctor today and I was nervous because I had lost about 6 pounds since the last time I went, so I knew my weight was going to be commented on. I drank a lot of water to at least add some weight back, which was a horrible feeling when looking at the number on the scale in the patient room.

My doctor noted that I had lost more weight and was a bit concerned for me. She told me that she didn't want me to lose anymore weight, that I was healthy, and doesn't want me to end up underweight. I told her that I've been wanting to get rid of more body fat on my body and to get to a lower weight to do so, as well as start lifting to maintain muscle mass. I still have about 17-20 pounds to go to even be considered a beginning underweight bmi.

It's really frustrating for me because I still have so much fat on my body. My belly fat has barely budged and I can grab quite a bit of flab that I want gone. Sometimes it makes me look like I'm 3 months pregnant and I just want to cry. I don't have an anterior pelvic tilt, so I can't blame it on that. It's pure fat. I can also grab more fat other places on my body, like my arms, back, thighs, lovehandles, calves. I hate it so much. Even though I've gotten a lot tinier than I was before, it feels like my body fat has barely gone down. I don't know what to do. What if I get to my goal weight and I still have all this fat to grab on my body? What if I still have this belly pooch that just won't go away?

On top of that, I know my doctor is going to closely monitor my weight, so I don't know how to go about that whole situation. I need to lose this weight. I need to lose this fat. The fact that I can grab so much of it and still feel uncomfortable in clothes and when I'm doing things, it means I need to figure a way to get rid of it. Getting to this point has taken me a very long time and it's been a tough ride, I don't want to quit now.

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Too fat for love
/u/li_hu_sh
Created: Fri Jul 6 23:37:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wqz7q/too_fat_for_love/
---
Today, I saw my crush at a library, and I was so tempted to go over and say hi. It's the 21st century right, I should be able to make the first move, right?

I checked my face and makeup with my phone, and felt pretty, for once in a long time. Everything looked right, even after scrutinizing and obsessing for a good 2 minutes. I checked to make sure he was still in line before I ducked around the shelf.

He was all alone, so I turned the corner before catching sight of myself in the floor-to-ceiling mirrors in the kid's corner.

My heart dropped when I saw the rest of my body- legs stuffed in some skinny jeans, looking like someone had overstuffed a doll. My arms were in a tank top (yeah, I thought I had nice arms that morning) were flabby and had a weird bulge where the flab collected near my shoulders. And my face was so big, round and pale like the moon.

I felt so shocked and disgusted at myself, and instantly kicked myself mentally for thinking I could go talk to him. He's very popular and friendly, but even friendly guys don't want to be bothered by pigs.

I feel like I'm too ugly for love, too fat to try to talk to boys. I don't want to be the girl they talk to because they feel guilty and think of me as the fat girl that is "obsessed" with them. Does anyone else feel this way? What did you do to deal with these feelings? It's getting to the point that I'm scared of never finding anyone.

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[Tip] TJ Find :)
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Fri Jul 6 23:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wqutp/tj_find/
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https://i.redd.it/mh8h6uxdmg811.jpg

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[Discussion] Random question but what do you guys feel about instant ramen noodles?
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Fri Jul 6 22:50:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wqqfd/random_question_but_what_do_you_guys_feel_about/
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My friend graduated and moved out and gave me all her uneaten ramen LOOOL

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I'm telling myself it wasn't a binge, but it was. I'm so disappointed in myself.
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Fri Jul 6 22:47:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wqpps/im_telling_myself_it_wasnt_a_binge_but_it_was_im/
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The last few days I've barely slept. School and homework. I really love to learn and want to do well.

Well, there must be a correlation between sleep deprivation and increased hunger. I am doing vegan keto. Normally I'm hardly ever hungry and just eat for nutrition, but the last few days I've been ravenous.

I think today I ate 2000 calories. I am of the mindset that if you plan to eat 2000 calories and do so in a "normal" way, even if that is very high for you, it's not a binge.

If your normal calories for the day are 800, say, and you stand at the fridge and frantically eat 500 calories all the while hating yourself and hating what's happening...that's a binge.

Anyway I might be wrong but that's always how it felt for me. I did the fridge thing today. I'm so so mad at myself. I had been binge free for more than a month. I thought it was over. I just really really am begging the universe to let my planned fast starting tomorrow go well so that I don't lose all my progress (again).

Do any of you feel much more hungry when you've barely slept?

Sorry if this is unrelated but it's just making me feel worse and I wouldn't dare tell anyone:

Also I just hate myself even more now. I've never ever liked anyone before (I know. I'm in university. It's weird), and now I have feelings for a professor of mine. It makes me so frustrated because I've never felt these feelings before and it is so foreign to me. My stomach gets all twisty when I'm around him and I hate to think about him. I want to make it go away. I hate having feelings. I just hate that I even think there's a 0.000000000001% chance. I don't want any chance at all. I just want it to go away. I just think it's cruel, the one time I feel something I can't even try to be happy. I wish we were both the same age and everything was normal. But even if we were, I'm so messed up that someone as intellectual and interesting and wonderful as him would be insane to spend time with me. I'm mad that we're similar and like the same things. I just wish I never took the class in a way. But then I don't because the class is amazing. Plus I'm moving and switching schools and I'll probably never see him again after this term. I hate to think about that. It probably sounds all dramatic and stupid but I guess it's more real to me because this is all new to me :( another way my brain is messed up

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[Discussion] I am sick and enslaved and yet I just want my chains to get heavier
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Fri Jul 6 22:34:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wqn82/i_am_sick_and_enslaved_and_yet_i_just_want_my/
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This illness sucks. I can’t recover. I don’t want to recover. I wanna keep losing and feeding into Ana. I don’t know anything else. This is all I’ll ever be.

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[Help] Severe edema, low protein, low phosphorus. Doctors aren't helping.
/u/FitCelery3
Created: Fri Jul 6 22:32:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wqmrc/severe_edema_low_protein_low_phosphorus_doctors/
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I have been to the ER because of how bad the edema is in my feet, ankles, and knees. It has been this way for three weeks. In the evening it makes walking hard. Recently it started accumulating in my stomach.

The ER labs showed low albumin, and follow up labs showed low protein in my blood. I followed up with a doctor who kind of had nothing to say. So I followed up with another doctor who sent me to get extensive labs.

The labs showed that my thyroid and liver are all good, but my magnesium, protein, and phosphorus levels are low. My Creatine Kinase shows slight muscle wasting. What's odd is that I eat a ton of protein!! Part of it is that I have SIBO, but that doesn't explain the edema.

My doctor's reaction was "let's re-test in 2 weeks". WHAT GOOD IS THAT GOING TO DO?

A lot of people post medical problems on here and the response is "see your doctor". Well, here I am to let you all know that doctors do a lot of tests and provide zero solutions.

So I'm reaching out to this community. How can I help myself in this situation? It feels pretty severe. The ER didn't help and the doctors are not helping.

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I did good. Ate. Purged. And then ate again... feel like such a failure
/u/cas215
Created: Fri Jul 6 22:30:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wqmc6/i_did_good_ate_purged_and_then_ate_again_feel/
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I was so hungry today. Thought i got my cravings gone. Napped. Ate. Hated myself for it and then purged, which I rarely do. Its made me feel better to purge but then I ate popcorn and donuts and god damn I hate myself. I also told a close friend about my ED today and it makes me feel like such a faker to say that and then binge.

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Are there any scientists/nutritionists/etc. here I could ask some questions to?
/u/patriotsfan4life
Created: Fri Jul 6 22:23:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wqkxl/are_there_any_scientistsnutritionistsetc_here_i/
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or even if you're not one but you have an answer I would really appreciate it if you could help me out.

After I eat, is there a way to get rid of the food that isn't purging? I was thinking that maybe a glass of salt water would carry it out before the calories can be absorbed.

Also, how does my body convert carbohydrates to sugars? Is there a way to prevent that action?

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This disorder fucked me over academically
/u/cashmeremoose
Created: Fri Jul 6 21:59:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wqfvn/this_disorder_fucked_me_over_academically/
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So my AP and IB results recently came out... I once was a motivated and top student, this eating disorder has consumed me completely in my senior year. I've only realized the extent of this damage after seeing the results in a quantifiable manner. I fucking hate myself, now I'm not sure if I could move on to college, even if I do I do not want this to continue.

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I feel disgusted when I see fat people
/u/subarremos
Created: Fri Jul 6 21:58:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wqfi2/i_feel_disgusted_when_i_see_fat_people/
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It sounds mean, but in my country, the vast majority is overweight, and eating a lot is viewed as something good and healthy (even if its just crap) and it frustrates me how people can live knowing they are fat and not doing anything to fix that, because is not a problem for them. Does that make sense? I mean, If I was maybe 5 kg heavier I would probably cry all day and would not let people see me...

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[Discussion] What vitamins/supplements do you take?
/u/smileybriley11
Created: Fri Jul 6 21:53:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wqehr/what_vitaminssupplements_do_you_take/
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I know some people take vitamins or supplements because they can apparently help your metabolism speed up. But what’s real and what’s fake? So, do you take any and do they work? What are they? How do they affect you? I’m very curious, thanks :)

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Face masks make feel healthy.
/u/Lolololrip
Created: Fri Jul 6 21:26:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wq8vy/face_masks_make_feel_healthy/
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After a day of purging a few times and feeling like shit ultimately I decided to do a face mask and wOw look at that, I am so healthy and thriving, my skin feels like a baby. (I'm just kidding, it was a lovely distraction from constantly thinking about food and did make my skin feel soft but all in all, it only distracted me for a little bit of time ://)

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[Rant/Rave] Does it actually get easier or just more annoying?
/u/aryn1235
Created: Fri Jul 6 20:58:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wq2sb/does_it_actually_get_easier_or_just_more_annoying/
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In early 2015 I was chewing my food and spitting it out. I wanted the taste so damn bad, couldn't stand the thought of throwing up, and didn't want to skip. Last year my at the time fiance took me out to a hamburger joint, the one I recall the most of chewing everything and just spitting it all out into a bin. He wanted us to have a nice lunch and felt bad I never got to truly "enjoy" a meal there. At that time, I stopped doing all of that besides my rough relationship and fall back of binge eating, so I thought I was doing alright. I ate the food, and honestly I felt horrible. I still feel horrible. I want to go back to the same way I was, even though it's been three years since I've really gotten bad with it.

I just feel so defeated because I don't really get how to just not over it. My husband, bless his heart, will never understand. No one in my life understands. They have scuffed at me for getting small pizzas, even when I was simply dieting for my health. I'm back at my peaked weight of 230 and it's devasting because I hate myself. Also because everyone just thinks it's find to eat and eat and eat. Some days I want to not eat at all, and then I binge. I binge it all. I tried eating like a normal person. I tried keto. I tried a simple 1200 calorie diet. I always cave and screw it all up. I don't understand why I'm this way and it's killing me, especially with zero support system.

I'm a long time lurker, and thought I would share my rant about my failures.

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[Intro] Intro
/u/PrincessOssa
Created: Fri Jul 6 20:51:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wq193/intro/
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But also I am older and I have been watching this reddit. And you guys are all awesome and I am really sad all the time and it's crazy because I come here and feel aanlittkw better. I have been dealing with this for 10 years. And I'm all over the bmi spectrum. And all I want is to be welcomed because I'm scared and sad and lonely. I ate a whole pizza and it wasn't a cute meme. It ended with a puffy face. And he knows. You know? When your SO knows but doesn't say a word. They just kinda rub your shoulder. I've deleted and written this post so many times I'm going for it. I'm 28 and I have up on art because life is hard and I deserve nothing.

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[Rant/Rave] TW I'm kind of an ass mods can delete I understand
/u/OrganicEggWhite
Created: Fri Jul 6 20:44:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wpzp2/tw_im_kind_of_an_ass_mods_can_delete_i_understand/
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So I am in several weight loss subs like r/1200isplenty , r/waterfasting , etc. And anytime someone posts their weightloss and it's unimpressive (aka healthy and reasonable) I just get so irked. Like people who lose 5 pounds in 2 months and post progress pics. They get from an obese bmi to an overweight one and they're satisfied. Like how can anyone be satisfied with their body? Like no Janet you're not skinny or in shape why are you celebrating your journey? I guess sometimes people come across as really smug (aka proud of themselves as they should be).
Not sure where this is going but I guess I get irritated because they're satisfied with themselves for slow, healthy improvement while I see it as going from bad to mediocre.
I just don't understand how people can have a healthy view of themselves I guess.
Also I kind of want to parade my weightloss like that but I lost a lot way too quickly for it to be healthy so I'm keeping it a secret mostly.
Again, please delete if I am too mean I'm just having a rough day(month).

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[Intro] hi
/u/cerealstann
Created: Fri Jul 6 20:27:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wpvs9/hi/
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hi! i've been a lurker here for a while, but there's so many lovely people here and i really wanna interact with y'all :-) just some background on me: i've had an ed since \~2014 and my weight has fluctuated drastically since then. i'm currently at basically my highest weight which is super frustrating.. anyway i'm super anxious about posting this so yeah that's pretty much it.. if you wanna be friends with my awkward self pm me (i'm only half sure how that works tbh) and if you have a twitter, comment it so i can follow you because i just made one!!

p.s. if im doing something horribly wrong i'm really sorry mods reddit is confusing nd im a noob

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How much do you think Selena weighs? She’s 5’5.
/u/__nopls__
Created: Fri Jul 6 20:16:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wptan/how_much_do_you_think_selena_weighs_shes_55/
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https://i.redd.it/18vrjd3pqf811.jpg

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Minor Victory
/u/betty_draper_
Created: Fri Jul 6 20:15:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wpt2q/minor_victory/
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I was at the mall today and there was a fancy chocolate shop. Me being a chocoholic and feeling cute today impulsively bought a chocolate peanut butter cup... which turned out to be wayyy bigger than I thought (like nearly the size of my palm).

The long story short is that I didn’t do what I typically do when I indulge - I didn’t just wolf down the whole thing as fast as possible, feel bad about it, and let it lead me to binging the rest of the night. I took a few bites and then drove home and put it in the fridge. I know it’s small but I’m really proud of just showing some goddamn restraint for once.

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I am scared, for the 1st time I am actually scared.
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Fri Jul 6 20:08:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wprmq/i_am_scared_for_the_1st_time_i_am_actually_scared/
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I have been in my ED for almost 7 years. Restricting, Binge, B/P, laxatives. I am on vacation with a friend and in taking picture I saw the face of anorexia, the body of anorexia, my disfigured body. The look her parents gave me who I have not seen in a year before we left.

I was supposed to get my period what I thought was last week (ruining my trip) but it still has not come. I have not been sexually active in months as my boyfriend says I need help and by body is not right. Idk if maybe it's just off, I just remember thinking last month "oh no Ill have this on vacation probably."

I am at a loss. I feel honestly it's difficult to eat right now. Physically and emotionally painful. I never thought I had a "problem" I knew I was "anorexic" "overeating" "needed weight gain" "needed inpaintient from Renfrew 2 years ago at a higher weight" and refused help from anywhere non inpatient, unless I gained weight. I actually tried to get help.

My dad says I need more food, my bf can not handle me. I am not craving any food, my stomach feels ill after eating, I have slept only a few hours a night for many, many nights and am exhausted.

I think I am scared, I feel disgust and disappointment in myself. I hate the way I look and I hate food. I am not ready for treatment, I truly am not, but almost feel dead. I hate that I am complaining right now.

I look embarrassing, I see how people are looking at me. I am very much a homebody and being out so much I am freaking out. Stares....I feel like a fucking freak show. I never see people except family and co-workers and my BF due to this. I know most employees at the supermarket and shop a lot online. Being here with a close friend doing "normal" things, I can not do. I am scared to eat, exhausted, my heart goes from racing to faint. Last night I honestly felt the feeling of the end is soon and I was happy with that.

I am sorry for bringing anyone down. I just don't know where else to go. I want to go home and just cry at my parents house. I just want to cry and cry until my body is empty.

I want to pass, just end it, just take me already. To come back from here is unimaginable.

I ruined the years of my bf wanting to get married and wanting to have kids. He is not ready for any of this right now but it's because of me. Iv'e realized that I am in a completly different world than everyone else. I am living in my head, I have been for years. I never considered life past my 20's. Like honestly not "I don't need a plan!" it's more of like "I will be gone". By boyfriend used to have so much love, we used to always talk about our life. Now I don't know what life even is. What is it. It went by and I missed it all. I wasted his life too.

Now I am extremely emotionally unstable and Bipolar, and Borderline, and waste food, throw up food, make everyone miserable and sick.

I think I am most nervous that maybe I lost my period, maybe I "made it." Is this is...what I worked for. I feel disgusting and am just bones and fat. I hate myself so much, so so so so so much. I truly just hate myself.

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I wish I could get full easily like naturally thin people do
/u/Rocket_to_Russia_
Created: Fri Jul 6 19:35:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wpk7k/i_wish_i_could_get_full_easily_like_naturally/
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I read sometimes that people have sensitive stomachs that get full really easily even after eating say 1500 worth of calories. And this is on junk food and carbs, imagine being able to be full easily? If there was an elective surgery to do a stomach transplant than I would definitely opt for that.

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How do i resiste the temptation to eat more?
/u/mM0niKKA
Created: Fri Jul 6 19:34:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wpk22/how_do_i_resiste_the_temptation_to_eat_more/
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My parents make high calorie meals all the time and i dont know how to resist eating them. I feel really guilty after i eat fatty foods and i hate it. How do i avoid eating the meals?i want to get thinner. i hate the way i look but im really bad at fasting and stuff so got any tips?thank you!

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[Help] ec stacking
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Fri Jul 6 19:23:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wphpp/ec_stacking/
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ok so i posted this on peach, and one person responded but i’d really like some other people’s thoughts.

i live in the us, but i’ve been abroad for the past three weeks and i’m not going to be back in the us till early august. i turned 18 the day before i left, so i never got the chance to buy bronkaid so i could finally ec stack, but i’m going to start as soon as i get back. however, i’m going to be in the uk in about 2 weeks and i’m curious if any of you guys in the uk ec stack? i really would like to start as soon as possible because i am unbelievably unhappy with my weight right now and i don’t want to start university looking like this so if possible i really want to try ec stacking 3 weeks earlier than i would if i waited to get back to the states.

i got the suggestion of sudafed from peach, does this work the same as bronkaid for ec stacking? or can you get bronkaid in the uk? also i really have no idea how to ec stack; do i need caffeine pills or can i just drink monster and take some bronkaid lmao

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[Other] Boyfriend out of town=Laxative Night
/u/trolldoll26
Created: Fri Jul 6 18:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wpahf/boyfriend_out_of_townlaxative_night/
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I haven’t been able to indulge (lol) in a laxative night in over two weeks. When he told me he was going to be out of town this weekend, I lost my shit. Almost literally.

I’m horrified and appalled that I am excitedly waiting for my laxatives to kick in. I drank an ungodly amount of water in preparation.

What weird ED thing do you look forward to?

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[Help] I need to lose weight but look like I’m following my meal plan
/u/throwaway__1893
Created: Fri Jul 6 18:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wpa17/i_need_to_lose_weight_but_look_like_im_following/
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I was not ready for recovery and I hate this refeeding weight. I’m 65” and the goal weight is 120-125. I want to be 110 again. Losing weight isn’t too hard for me but I need to look like I’m eating the meal plan. Any help is greatly appreciated I hate my body like this and want it to go back to how I liked it.

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[Rant/Rave] Don’t you just hate eating out with family?
/u/s_chill_er
Created: Fri Jul 6 18:47:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wp9dm/dont_you_just_hate_eating_out_with_family/
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I had a really great day with low calorie intake and I exercised but my family decided that we should go to a restaurant and I had to eat but its so sad that this makes me angry because i used to love going out to eat . Anyone felt like this??

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[Help] I purged for the first time.
/u/ED_Throwaway_HELP
Created: Fri Jul 6 18:32:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wp5xr/i_purged_for_the_first_time/
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I’ve lurked this sub on my other account for so long, but this is the first time I’ve felt like I needed to post. So, throwaway, for reasons.

I’ve had a problem with binging my whole life. I’ve started and stopped weight loss journeys many times over the last few years, but this time, I had been doing well. Sure, I had some “unhealthy” habits. Sometimes I’d restrict too much and end up binging like 3000kcal in one sitting. But I’d just normally pick myself up and try again the next day, but tonight was different.

I had done so well today, I went to the gym, I ate well.. and had “enough” calories for the day, at about 1200. But something came over me, and I binged anyways. It wasn’t even an awful binge. I’ve had worse. But for some reason, I just wanted to get it all out of me. I was ashamed for ruining all the hard work I had put in the day. I stood in front of the toilet for a good 5 minutes before gaining the courage to make myself purge. And I just kept making myself purge. Over and over again until I finally felt empty.

There’s a part of me that feels ashamed for what I did, because I know it’s wrong. I know it’s a slippery slope. But then there’s another part of me that liked it; a part of me that feels better than I did before I purged. I feel like there’s a part of me that liked it. And that part scares me.

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[Other] Join our group chat!
/u/mjtang
Created: Fri Jul 6 18:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wp5x1/join_our_group_chat/
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ProED reddit group chat is now online! Comment on this post to be included.

Chat will be for discussing our days and getting to know one another as well as helping each other through any problems.

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I dont have to do this
/u/kittencatmeows1
Created: Fri Jul 6 18:28:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wp4y6/i_dont_have_to_do_this/
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But I can't stop.

I'm not medically over weight. My quasi-partner likes my body. I can run and jump and carry children in my arms.

Why can't that be enough?

Why can't I just eat? Not that I don't eat, I eat allot but why can't I eat without hating myself? Why can't it just be because I'm hungry and food is good?

Having an eating disorder feels like a choice sometimes, like some part of me really wants to do this. I'm just not happy and my choices don't make me happy but I Just. Can't. Stop.

Sorry for ranting, just feeling so vulnerable and ashamed

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[Help] Purging
/u/gnatthebunny
Created: Fri Jul 6 18:23:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wp3pl/purging/
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So I'm not sure where to start but I've been developing some habits lately that are really concerning me. I've always leaned more towards restricting than purging, but for the past 3 weeks or so I've started making myself vomit a few times a week. I try and stick to my safe foods, but even with those whenever I start to feel full I feel extremely anxious and freak out and want to run to the bathroom to purge. I don't want to go down this road and I'm pretty scared, I already have pretty hardcore heart problems and I don't want to make it worse. :( I hate this shit so much.

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[Discussion] DAE notice prominent achilles tendons?
/u/jklikes
Created: Fri Jul 6 18:21:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wp34o/dae_notice_prominent_achilles_tendons/
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Have you ever noticed thin, prominent achille's tendons at the back of other people's ankles (perhaps even your own)? Something like [this](https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/woman-feet-perfect-clean-female-heels-beauty-foot-care-95320658.jpg) or [this](https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/slightly-bent-knees-standing-toes-female-legs-cg-illustration-caucasian-thighs-to-feet-front-rear-views-54839663.jpg) (all stock photos online). I have cankles, and my achilles tendons are really thick and blend into my legs, kind of like [this](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/526c72d0e4b0c72bb55e640b/t/53b808c4e4b0afc035d1814d/1404569796421/Deroofed+heel+blisters) without the blisters. I imagine this is something that's genetics, but thin achille's tendons look weirdly nice to me.

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[Rant/Rave] Panic Mode BEGIN
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Fri Jul 6 18:17:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wp2d2/panic_mode_begin/
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hi im halfway into my binge day freaking the fuck out because my Restriction Brain has decided to come back in SCREAMING and we already ordered the pizza

and i need to eat the ice cream and cake obviously because if i eat it NOW i can't eat it later and can restrict in peace obvs

haha y can't i starve

my friend won't let me not eat all day and he has to see me eat for him to believe ive eaten but my dumb fat ass can't go 2 days without bingeing apparently!!! :) unless i fast!!! kms lol i literally daydream sometimes about getting a hotel room and saying im staying with someone for a few days and just spending a week fasted, going to the fitness center and pool for a workout, using the free Wi-Fi, living my best life WITHOUT STUFFING MY FACE !!!, and finally losing this weight

but I also fantasize about getting a hotel room to binge so

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[Other] PSA: Think Thin bars (and a bunch of other brands) were 5/$5 at my CVS today
/u/sassygillie
Created: Fri Jul 6 18:02:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8woyon/psa_think_thin_bars_and_a_bunch_of_other_brands/
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Basically what the title says.

The tag said the sale goes until 7/7. I’m not sure if it’s just the store near me or if it’s all of them

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[Help] Switching Birth Control, Need Advice
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Fri Jul 6 17:50:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wovnn/switching_birth_control_need_advice/
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Hey guys, so my doctor is switching me from Sprintec to Yaz. I was having too many PMS symptoms and it was just terrible. Does anyone have any experience on Yaz? Specifically regarding weight gain? That's what I'm the most worried about. I didnt seem to experience weight gain with Sprintec. Also, because of my ED, I smoke cigarettes (1-3 a day) to curb my appetite. I have read that Yaz is a specific birth control that can make you more likely to develop blood clots if you smoke. Ugh. I dont wanna quit smoking but I also dont wanna get blood clots??? Lol

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How many of you guys made an account on EDC?
/u/Atsugaruru
Created: Fri Jul 6 17:38:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wosve/how_many_of_you_guys_made_an_account_on_edc/
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I haven't seen anyone on this sub mention it yet, but I've spent all week on there since the moment registration open and I love it! People on there are so supportive, and I really need that in my life right now when no one else understands what I'm going through :(

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Chew and spit, my old friend
/u/relapseandrecovery
Created: Fri Jul 6 17:37:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wosgh/chew_and_spit_my_old_friend/
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I have truly rediscovered my love of c/s. It's great for when you're full and just craving something. Restricted today but was forced to go to dinner with my roommate (who now has admitted she knows about my ED so she got to see me c/s yesterday). I didn't eat but towards the end I finally was like damn that pasta looked good so I took a cup to the bathroom and c/s in the toilet.

I felt both like I was at rock bottom and completely euphoric. Like I knew it was a fucking mess of a thing to do but fuck it I got to taste the pasta and not waste calories on it. I've done it a few times the past few days and it's been great tbh. It's gross but like oh well I'm fucked up anyways. It also satisfies the wish that I could purge because at least I can physically do this and it feels similar and I'm not tearing my esophagus so cool. Big fan of my old pal and will be employing this tactic when possible.

---

36 hour fast, need support.
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Fri Jul 6 17:34:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8worwa/36_hour_fast_need_support/
---
Started a 36 hour fast at 7 pm EST. I’ve had a rough few days binging to my fatass heart’s content and I need a fast to offset the damage.
I’m looking for support and your tips and experiences.
I was doing keto but once I eat one bad thing I fucking break so I’m doing the fast to discipline myself into getting into ketosis and hopefully get this water weight off.
If you’ve done one, how much did you lose? How did you get through it? How did you feel overall?

---

Me: i don't have a problem psh
/u/NerfThisBaby
Created: Fri Jul 6 17:34:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wors9/me_i_dont_have_a_problem_psh/
---
Also me: FUCK why the FUCK did i eat 300 calories for lunch?? That's half of my calories today fucking gone!!! Hope you liked that soup, NerfThis, cause that's all you're gonna fucking get, you soup eating landwhale!!!

😓😓

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[Rant/Rave] gross
/u/strawberrydrops
Created: Fri Jul 6 17:12:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8womk4/gross/
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im fucking gross and disgusting. i hate myself so much. im so ugly, i look like someone off of my 600 lb life. i don't even know what to do anymore, i hate this feeling. there's no way my eyes lie to me, everyone else lies to me when they say im skinny & pretty.

---

[Goal] Binge accountability
/u/yealso820
Created: Fri Jul 6 17:07:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wolfs/binge_accountability/
---
[removed]

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My family is having pizza and garlic bread for dinner
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Fri Jul 6 16:56:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8woimv/my_family_is_having_pizza_and_garlic_bread_for/
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I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for not having any! It's my favourite kind too... Little caesars deep dish with stuffed crust. It smells amazing and they're eating it in front of me. I told them I'm trying to stay healthy so I had a celery stalk and a few slices of cucumbers. I'm actually full and don't feel that temped to eat their pizza 😊

---

[Rant/Rave] i just want to be normal
/u/callmerose932
Created: Fri Jul 6 16:55:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8woibr/i_just_want_to_be_normal/
---
i’m posting this on a throwaway of a throwaway. i am a member on here but this is too embarrassing to post.

i’m obese. as a teenager. and that hurts so fucking much just to write. i shouldn’t be like this. in order to even have a normal bmi i have to lose 65 pounds. i’m so disgusting. looking at myself is absolutely revolting.

i should be having a normal life, be active in school, have a good social life. instead i’m a hermit with 5 friends and all i do is sit inside and lay on my bed eating and eating and eating. that’s all i fucking do anymore. eat. stuff my chubby face until i want to throw up.


i’m so sick and tired. i’m permanently stuck in a massive restrict/binge cycle that will never end. i’ve lost almost 30 and for what? i look exactly the same. i fit into all my clothes EXACTLY the same. nothing will make any difference.

i just want to enjoy my few years left of school before i have to become an adult and a functioning member of society. but how can i exist when i feel like this? when i look like this?

i don’t know if this is the proper place to rant but i love this community and i really needed to get this out. thank you.

---

Putting on all that muscle a year ago is the worst decision I’ve ever made
/u/JayLenoBlows
Created: Fri Jul 6 16:51:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wohc3/putting_on_all_that_muscle_a_year_ago_is_the/
---
I was doing pretty well with my eating disorder a year ago, so I decided to get fit for the first time in my life so I put on a bunch of muscle to my scrawny ass frame, and now that I’m transitioning and relapsing with my anorexia the muscle is coming off so slowly it’s making me furious. Hopefully it’ll come off easier once I’m on estrogen in a months time. What a fucking mistake I made.

---

I haven't purged in 11 months
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Fri Jul 6 16:05:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wo5oy/i_havent_purged_in_11_months/
---
Today I want to. I just ate for the first time today, and I want to go to the bathroom and puke it all up.

The only way to stop this feeling is to not eat, it seems.

I am so fucked up. I am such a fucked up addict of many varieties. I wish I was normal.

---

[Rant/Rave] Minor Starbucks rant
/u/daintydaisydoll
Created: Fri Jul 6 15:47:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wo0vn/minor_starbucks_rant/
---
I ordered an unsweetened ice tea from Starbucks today. It should have been a 0cal drink . I know for a fact it should not have lemonade in it, but I watched in despair as the barista filled half a venti cup with lemonade. I died inside from wasting £3 because I'm to awkward to correct the barista and I couldn't bare to drink it. So in the bin the tea went as soon as I was out of sight. Kill me

---

[Rant/Rave] i can’t stand myself anymore
/u/smolbeanbaby
Created: Fri Jul 6 15:21:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wnu5r/i_cant_stand_myself_anymore/
---
i had my first time a few nights ago and it was with a guy with a girlfriend and i barely feel remorse for it. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i hate myself for not feeling guilty about it. i don’t even have a crush on him i think, i just like the way he makes me feel. i’m so confused about my feelings right now. i have no appetite because of how anxious i am. my manager keeps reminding me to eat but now i just want to fast and lose weight. what’s wrong with me?

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[Help] I Don't Know Where My Life is Going
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Fri Jul 6 14:53:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wnmf8/i_dont_know_where_my_life_is_going/
---
Wasn't sure if this should be a rant/rave or help, but i'm really not doing well. I know you guys aren't psychiatrists and I am doing this to myself, but I really feel lost. I've talked to therapists in the past about my anxiety and depression issues, but I've only developed an ED about a year and a half ago. I don't want to recover at this time, that's the only thing I know for sure. My ED (and my pet cat) are the only 2 things I feel understand me... if that makes sense.

Anyway, I'm living with my boyfriend of 1 year and his parents. Kinda feel like shit about it since I'm 24yo and a college graduate. They don't know about my ED. They just think I eat really healthily or something. A few of my friends are aware I have an ED, but let's be honest - they don't understand what I'm going through.

My BF and I argue a lot because of my moodiness/loneliness, he just doesn't understand what I'm dealing with. Part of me wants to just quit my job, move away and go live alone. I feel constantly lonely. At work, with friends, even my own family is not close to me. I grew up with emotionally and physically abusive divorced parents who continue to emotionally manipulate me to this day.

I hate my job. I have a B.A in Psych and I'm working as a hostess because there aren't any jobs in this small Midwest town I'm from. My coworkers dont know I have an ED and honestly I'm not close with any of them anyway. I'm so upset. Today sucks. I want to disappear....

---

I hate when people make comments on what I’m eating
/u/dootdootoops
Created: Fri Jul 6 14:27:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wneum/i_hate_when_people_make_comments_on_what_im_eating/
---
I eat peanut butter cups. Whatever. They taste good. I only really eat them, bananas, and grapes at work. Easy things to grab, but I tend to grab chocolate since it’s right up front. I hit my calorie limit on my break at 800 (or less, the calories on them changes constantly, but that’s the max). I’m good for the rest of the day.

I hear about it all of the time. “That’s what you’re eating for lunch?!” I got asked by the cashier.

Like keep your nose out of my business. I can’t stand it. I hear about it every single day I work. Someone said something about me eating a banana once. Why does it always have to be about what I’m eating? Seriously. I get it.

---

Ate 1,117 calories yesterday
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Fri Jul 6 14:04:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wn8bs/ate_1117_calories_yesterday/
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I know that's still at a deficit.. but I still feel like shit. It's not the weight gain, that I know won't happen, it's the loss of control I'm terrified of. I just got out of a binge cycle. I can't go back.

I'm scared

---

If beauty standards are only made up
/u/PM-MEYOURDICKPICS
Created: Fri Jul 6 13:55:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wn5go/if_beauty_standards_are_only_made_up/
---
Why is an easy target to make someone hurt is to call them fat? Why do people treat attractive people differently? Why did the saying "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" come about?


Why does everyone stare at me because I'm fat and ugly? Why can't I win whenever I'm eating? I'm eating a salad : 'fatty is trying to lose weight' I eat a slice of pizza? 'No wonder why she's fat'


Why is there a subreddit solely dedicated to seeing if someone is ugly or not?

Beauty standards do exist. They're not a social fucking construct.

---

So this ad just came up in my feed.
/u/thinfetish
Created: Fri Jul 6 13:46:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wn2yp/so_this_ad_just_came_up_in_my_feed/
---
https://i.redd.it/a6t2ml3wsd811.jpg

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[Help] MyProAna help
/u/strawberrydrops
Created: Fri Jul 6 13:43:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wn28c/myproana_help/
---
I just joined mpa a few days ago and the "mandatory new member reading" pop-up came up where it said I had to read the topic before continuing and I clicked go to topic and read it, but the pop-up is still there and I can't click anything? Maybe I'm just really dumb and missing something right in front of me, can anyone help?

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[Discussion] Ever wish you could help others lose weight in a healthy way?
/u/softcoffee
Created: Fri Jul 6 13:36:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wn08u/ever_wish_you_could_help_others_lose_weight_in_a/
---
Every woman I work with (except two) is trying to lose weight. I heard one mention that her new attempt involves expensive ready-made meal packages delivered to her. Another keeps mentioning "Cabbage Soup" whenever she eats more. They talk about looking/not wanting to fat in pictures, how they've gained x amount of weight in x amount of time, and It makes me feel kind of horrible. I had this weird wish to tell the one with the meal packages about CICO, and that she doesn't need to pay people for her weight loss. The knowledge I've gathered about weight loss and health had always been fueled by being disordered, but that doesn't change the facts and scientifically proven ways of losing weight, keeping off weight and improving your overall health. I think a lot of us dive into learning about nutrition and non-disordered weight loss information. But I feel like I can't share any of that without incriminating myself.

I often wish people with a healthy mentality would learn more about food, CALORIES and nutrition to aid their weight loss. I think a lot of them are just misinformed about those things and believe they can't lose weight. I just want to tell them "You don't have to be disordered like me to lose weight. You don't have to spend so much and consume only weight loss shakes and bars, or whatever else. You don't have to crash diet because the media likes to tell you healthy weight loss for healthy people is impossible."

I feel kind of trapped, and unable to mention it. The worst thing is feeling guilty for being thinner and getting thinner while people I care for talk about all the failed diets they tried and new diets they're starting.

TLDR: Anyone else feel trapped during diet talk because you know healthier, and non-disordered ways to diet, but don't want anyone catching on to your ED? Want to share thoughts on how non-ED people go about losing weight/dieting? Would you ever give healthy weight loss advice to someone who would benefit from it?

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What actually constitutes as "laxative abuse?"
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Fri Jul 6 13:30:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wmyn8/what_actually_constitutes_as_laxative_abuse/
---
So I've started laxing recently

Not a healthy road to go down, I know

But I've been restricting so hard for so long that I very rarely get to poop, it's a real shame. I've been laxing about once every week or so. I try to never lax more than once every 7 days, just because I have OCD and already know "getting cleaned out" could be addicting lol.

Is laxing once a week too often? Am I at risk of anything by laxing weekly? Any stories or anecdotes are welcome!

---

Parents are going out to eat at a high calorie Italian restaurant but I don't want to go because I'm afraid of a binge : but I kinda want to go.
/u/PM-MEYOURDICKPICS
Created: Fri Jul 6 13:28:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wmxus/parents_are_going_out_to_eat_at_a_high_calorie/
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Sorry for the long title but basically that's it :
I don't want to go to eat because they don't use calorie counts (family owned) and it's extremely high calorie food. I know I'll be mad at myself if I go, but I want to go and eat. I already had a 300 calorie breakfast, I can only imagine the dinner will be 1,000 calories.


I'm so stressed I don't know what to do,

---

Please help
/u/800goat
Created: Fri Jul 6 13:03:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wmqvi/please_help/
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I've never posted here before but I've lurked for a long time. I just purged for the first time and I feel terrible. I fasted for 2 days and then I made cookies and immediately regretted it. I don't want my teeth to be ruined and I don't want to feel like I have to throw up every time I eat. How do you keep yourself from binging? How can I make sure I never try to purge again?

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University support
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Fri Jul 6 12:43:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wmldq/university_support/
---
Maybe a week back I submitted a post detailing my desire to work with my University to build upon the eating disorder services they offer.

Today I sent an email explaining my situation and requesting to meet in order to start working with them. Within ten minutes one of the highest staff in the student support department had set up a meeting with me. It's real lads, here we go; time to use the experiences from this ghastly disease to improve the lives of others suffering.

I am also in the process of setting up a meeting with the local council to discuss the poor community resources (outside of the university), but finding a suitable meeting time is proving difficult.

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[Rant/Rave] Awkward and Embarrassing Experience at Work
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Fri Jul 6 12:40:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wmkdk/awkward_and_embarrassing_experience_at_work/
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The other day at work I ordered a small beverage treat for myself, like a frappe of sorts. When they gave it to me I realized it was a large. After staring at it for a good minute thinking it over (do I eat the whole thing? Just a bit of it? Do I throw some away?) I decided to ask them to please make me a small. I mean, we would offer the same courtesy to our customers without question. When I went up to ask I got a lot of "Why don't you just keep the large, it's more!" and I'm like... I would just really like the small please. My drink was brought to the back and I heard like "cuttoarose doesn't want the large she wants to small!" and "Why didn't they just keep the large?". And when it was brought to me I was hit AGAIN with "why didn't you just keep the large?" It's so hard for me to order the damn thing in the first place I wish they would just mind their own business. So yeah that was embarrassing.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm so sad
/u/charcoal666
Created: Fri Jul 6 12:23:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wmfr6/im_so_sad/
---
A friend of mine just told me that she's suffering with bulimia. She's the sweetest, kindest most tiny thing and I love her loads and it's just so sad to me. She told me that she had the strength to confide in me because I'd recently told her about my own struggles with anorexia and she thought I'd understand. I'm sad and shocked and I just want to help her in anyway I can. I just had to let this out somewhere sorry.

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[Rant/Rave] Bought my first scale..
/u/coconutfi
Created: Fri Jul 6 12:15:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wmdja/bought_my_first_scale/
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Holy shit. I've had an ED for 3 years and had never bought a scale. I always guesstimated my weight based on my weight at the doctor or when I check my weight at the gym (which is not often).

Who knew weighing without clothes would make a difference??? Apparently not my dumb ass.

I never actually knew my lowest weight, but the lowest weight I saw at the gym was 117. Well I'm currently 118, and I've definitely been a lot skinnier than I am now. I'm kind of mind blown that I've probably been close to 110 and had no idea.

So wow I need to change my flair GW because I've definitely already been there.

But damn scales are dangerous. I've had it for 5 days and I just don't eat because I know if I do the scale will stop going down.

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[Rant/Rave] Short and f-ed up rant
/u/heyitsmelareine
Created: Fri Jul 6 12:12:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wmcom/short_and_fed_up_rant/
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Possible tw, but I cant be sure.

Anyone else wish they could get so thin that they lose their period/fertileness? I absolutely hate how my body bloats up in two weeks a month because of this. I feel like all of my progress is gone and it makes me loathe myself. I already hate my big boobs, and I just want everything on my body to shrink but this does not help! It's for sure fucked up, because there are thousands of women who are infertile/have no reproductive organs, or want larger breasts, and I feel so ungrateful but I can't help it. I like being a woman, but if I could donate ovaries, uterus and my breasts I would. idc

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I’m bringing him over for dinner
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Fri Jul 6 11:42:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wm3ee/im_bringing_him_over_for_dinner/
---
After the saga of my ex boyfriend cheating, I went on 3 dates with this guy I met and I like him a lot! He already took me to meet his dad and grandmother (he’s Italian omg he like respects his grandma more than his dad) and he didn’t take the last ex to meet them?? So at least he’s not ashamed of me. And I went on a camping trip with him and his best friends last week and they all liked me a lot!! His best friend said “if you let this girl go I will never talk to you again lol”

So anyways I’m invited him over to my place tomorrow to have dinner + meet my parents and he may as well do this week seriously. My mom is going to jamacia AGAIN for 2 months to run her business. I’m so nervous tbh because my parents are mormons. They know I’m not but ngl taking home my possible boyfriend who has multiple tattoos and piercings is scary ugh. But he has an amazing personality, fun to talk to and has lots of motivation. He’s 23 and I’m 21, he’s paid off all his student loans and saving for a house now. He’s so loving and always texts me daily but lately he’s not texting as much?? He’s an HVAC technician and we’re in the middle of a heatwave so he’s obviously busy. My brain keeps telling me he’s not interested :( but if he wasn’t interested he wouldn’t text me multiple times a day and come to my place?

When I texted him inviting him to dinner he said “I’ll have dinner as long as you eat something!” So I brushed it off as a joke and said “I’ll eat if you feed me 😂” everyone I think he’s onto me, he texted me one day saying “I hope you don’t have anorexia, you’re so beautiful and have such a good personality. You have nothing to be insecure about! I care about you Sam.”

:( :(

I wanted to make Asian style short beef ribs + Jamaican macaroni pie + salad. Now I know he’s watching me to make sure I eat :( I’ll have to fast for the next little bit so I don’t gain off the food ugh.

---

How do you guys get out of not eating if you are living at home?
/u/nihilistatari
Created: Fri Jul 6 11:14:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wluns/how_do_you_guys_get_out_of_not_eating_if_you_are/
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I'm only 15, so, naturally, I live at my mother's house. However, I have recently started getting serious about my ED partially and/or completly relating to how egregious I have felt physically as of late.

However, how do I justify me NOT eating? My mom is going to eventually notice I am not eating as much, and, I am not entirely sure how I am going to maneuver a justification. I had the idea of just going out of my room, getting food, and just throwing it away in my room, but, that sounds wasteful. I dunno.

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‘Crisis mode’ before a vacation/event
/u/blondie232
Created: Fri Jul 6 11:01:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wlqbi/crisis_mode_before_a_vacationevent/
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Does anyone else go into a type of crisis/panic mode right before a special event or vacation? (Extreme exercising, super restriction, etc)

I’m leaving for Europe in a week and although I’ve been restricting and working out a lot the past few weeks, I’m still not as skinny as I would like.

What are your sort of ‘last resort’ things you do in the few days leading up to something special?

Any tricks I should look into?

(I’m 5’6 and 110 right now because of water weight from eating whatever on the fourth, usually I’m about 105 but my ideal is around 100)

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[Discussion] Is anyone else jealous of their bf/gf?
/u/Darthvaderr13
Created: Fri Jul 6 10:58:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wlphk/is_anyone_else_jealous_of_their_bfgf/
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My boyfriend is so tiny. Probabaly 110 pounds. He’s really poor and never really gets to eat, I feed him when we hang out but he usually only eats like once a day or once every two days. It makes me so jealous in a fucked up way.

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[Rant/Rave] The supportive comment that brought it all back.
/u/StillNotBrenda
Created: Fri Jul 6 10:40:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wlkg1/the_supportive_comment_that_brought_it_all_back/
---
I've had a rough relationship with my body forever. Before university I hit my goal of 115, even got to 114 and cried. That was all restricting and diet pills. I loved it and hated it. Then living on my own I recovered, was happy and thought the relationship was back to normal. I started hitting the gym and getting a hot little gym bod. What next? The happiest relationship of my life. An amazing SO that brought about a bender of complacency. In two years of dating Ive got to my highest weight since my teenage years. It's killing me. But what killed me more was when he borrowed my phone and was checking out my Instagram account and said "I was looking at all your sexy gym pictures".

It brought it all back. I need to be thin. I need to hit the gym. I need to be sexy again. I feel like a chunky monster that just isn't good enough. I don't even care about what it takes. I need my body back. I need my self back. I want to weigh myself and cry for reaching a goal rather than watch it go up. I want him to look at me and tell me I'm sexy rather than looking at pictures 3 years old and telling me I was sexy.

Fuck it hurts.

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[Rant/Rave] Having crazy digestive issues are great for weightloss
/u/LordMarigold
Created: Fri Jul 6 10:36:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wljax/having_crazy_digestive_issues_are_great_for/
---
W: Slight NSFW


I woke up this morning to a toilet full of blood. And it isn't menstrual related considering I'm Male. I've been a nervous wreck all morning deciding what to do; is this a severe flair up of IBS? Or am I dying of colon cancer? Anyway, being frightened of my digestive tract is a great appetite killer. I dont know what to do and I'm too young to have something seriously wrong (16). Fuck my life.

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[Rant/Rave] Dammit!!!
/u/Shibo_Kitsune
Created: Fri Jul 6 10:18:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wle00/dammit/
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I had been doing so well recently staying under 600 cals a day but then my brother came round for a little gaming session (of course bringing food :/) I dunno I thought because I only had half a pear for breakfast I'd be okay but then ate a shop bought sandwich and a chicken and mushroom pie type thing and I'm wayyyyyy over :, ( so angry with myself. This is the first time I've been tempted to purge in a long time too grrrrrr argjfjrkrknkejr. Sorry lol just needed to vent

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Coworkers offering food
/u/semperxvivum
Created: Fri Jul 6 10:06:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wlabq/coworkers_offering_food/
---
Damnit Brenda, why did you have to draw attention to me not taking a donut? Now I have to take it to my desk and throw it away. Just be content with me pretending to get one in a bit and stop making me waste food.

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[Other] Coworker invited me to hang out today
/u/dragaynite
Created: Fri Jul 6 10:00:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wl8mi/coworker_invited_me_to_hang_out_today/
---
Hi everyone!

First post here, on mobile, sorry if anything looks weird.

I planned on not eating at all until tomorrow but one of my coworkers invited me over to hang out with a group of her and friends tonight. She usually bakes desserts and I know eating them would trigger a binge later tonight. I don’t know her super well, though, so I would feel rude if I deny the foods she makes

I don’t know what to do, I’ve flaked on her before because I would get anxious about eating around her. I don’t want any one at work to know I have disordered eating but I don’t want to eat at her house tonight. I also don’t want to come off as rude or raise any eyebrows so I’m probably just going to eat and feel insanely guilty anyways :(

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[Other] I pooped today
/u/cas215
Created: Fri Jul 6 09:18:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wkwa7/i_pooped_today/
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No laxatives

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No Support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/u/hollywould83
Created: Fri Jul 6 09:14:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wkv5i/no_support/
---
Look, I know without a doubt this is a disease of isolation and lonliness but damn, man, just like SA its all that is on your mind. Found out yesterday from my therapist this is not really about control for me, just anger and hurt that no one else can ever feel. I got ripped open, body, heart and soul almost 3 yrs ago....Then, I have the pleasure of those waiting to watch it happen again. I get told it is attention seeking, it drives people crazy because of my ruminations, and just a way to get back at others......Christ, does anyone understand this is NOT A CHOICE????

---

DAE feel like some people on MPA or EDC are wannabes?
/u/paavllova
Created: Fri Jul 6 08:47:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wkn58/dae_feel_like_some_people_on_mpa_or_edc_are/
---
I'm not trying to be rude and I mean no hate but I'm just wondering. I've noticed some odd comments that seem to be treading on wannarexic territory.

Like I noticed this thread talking about comments that people make and piss you off and someone commented something like-

>'you look good'

>bitch i don't wanna look good that means i'm not thin enough

It just rubbed me the wrong way. I could be wrong but isn't that most of our goals? To look nice and thin and pretty?

Honestly I'm probably overthinking this. Some people probably just have different goals and mentality. I just thought it was weird.

---

0cal sore throat suggestions?
/u/BearLeeBare
Created: Fri Jul 6 08:41:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wklnd/0cal_sore_throat_suggestions/
---
Consumed 70 calories of sugar-free throat lozenges yesterday. Set to finish off the pkg today for another 70 calories of non-food. Would appreciate community wisdom in planning for tomorrow.

Already drinking all the tea in addition to the lozenges. :'/

Thank you very much!

---

[Discussion] DAE Gain To Make Restriction Easier?
/u/MrsBluebeard
Created: Fri Jul 6 08:29:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wkicw/dae_gain_to_make_restriction_easier/
---
So I was reaching my goal pretty quickly, but sort of like "too quickly," where I was getting heart palpitations and electrolyte face twitches. My ED doesn't manifest itself in wanting to die from it. (Just suffer/not take up space lmao) So I guess I gained like 8ish lbs. from keeping real food down, but only to slow the weight loss. Does anyone else do this? I'm I just saying crazy shit? I feel p damn terrible about myself today when the scale read a higher number but okay because maybe this is recovery? Idk.

---

I have preeetty bad hand writing but here's my meal plan I guess.
/u/cryingboi65
Created: Fri Jul 6 07:00:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wjvcz/i_have_preeetty_bad_hand_writing_but_heres_my/
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https://i.redd.it/ats7ac3rsb811.jpg

---

Donated blood today.
/u/ReasonableSwan
Created: Fri Jul 6 06:51:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wjt9n/donated_blood_today/
---


I fasted yesterday and the day before so I ate some oats and agave syrup because fainting would be embarrassing lol. Then I bought my own biscuits (3) (I didn't know if they would have vegan ones there) and it's like the first time I haven't felt terribly guilting for eating something "bad". I'm meeting up with a friend soon I think I'm gonna eat with her because I'm definitely feeling drained (pun intended)

I don't know, I just felt really positive when I felt the donation centre, like I did something that isn't just about me or my ED. I also sorta wanna keep in the right weight range or they won't let me donate anymore, but idk if I'll win that fight.

---

Update on meal replacement powder!
/u/very-fruitful
Created: Fri Jul 6 06:39:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wjqj5/update_on_meal_replacement_powder/
---
i’ve been using it for 5 days and i know some people wanted updates. btw, it’s Amino Slim by RAW Synergies on Amazon. it’s zero calories, vegan, and lemonade flavored. you get about 20 scoops per jar for $24.99.

day 1: you’re supposed to do 1 scoop for every 8-10 ounces of water and I did 1 scoop for a liter (33 ounces) of water. i’m an idiot, i know. it was gross and I binged that day for the first time in a while. the powder didn’t dissolve completely and had a filmy/gritty consistency.

day 2-3: I followed the directions and did 1 scoop for 10oz of water. it tasted much better, left me full, but I either binged or tried really really hard not to all day even though I wasn’t hungry.

day 4-5: at this point i’m realizing the sugary taste is making me hungrier and more likely to binge. i’m no longer drinking it first thing in the morning, only after a meal or a workout. it’s way more effective this way. If I have it too early in the morning, i’ll get hungry for lunch. if I have it too late at night, I binge. so it was hard figuring out when to take it because I really didn’t want to eat for it to work.


I don’t necessarily regret buying this stuff, it’s good, just not for me. if sugar makes you crave, don’t get it. but if you crave sweets, this can help you. like I said, it’s all natural and ZERO calories! i’m glad I tried it because now I know what works for me. I think I was better off with plain water and I won’t be finishing the jar.

---

[Help] I suck at fasting when im home
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Fri Jul 6 06:37:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wjpy9/i_suck_at_fasting_when_im_home/
---
When im at work i have absolutely no problem not eating.

at home...im a monster.

what am i doing wrong? why am i so damn hungry >\_\_<

---

I can see my ribs!!
/u/vucio72
Created: Fri Jul 6 06:13:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wjks3/i_can_see_my_ribs/
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I can see just the barest outline of my ribcage without sucking in or stretching, just when I stand! It feels so good, it feels like real progress, it feels like even though I've been bouncing back and forth from 123-124 for the last week I'm not a fat failure!

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! July 06, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jul 6 06:12:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wjkfp/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_july/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for July 06, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 06, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jul 6 06:12:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wjkel/daily_food_diary_july_06_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 06, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

I don’t recognize myself anymore
/u/urfavoritehalflight
Created: Fri Jul 6 05:49:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wjfk0/i_dont_recognize_myself_anymore/
---
I just needed to vent and I don’t know where else to turn to. I got a haircut the other day and took a selfie to send to my mother. I sent it without looking at it too much (which is weird for me bc I always hyper-analyze every picture of me ever and take 3000 bodychecking pics a day) but I looked closer after I sent it... it scared me. My cheeks and eyes are sunken in more than I thought. I looked pale and sick. It was a rare moment of realization and clarity that shook me up for the rest of the day, and the worst part is that my brain is torn between feeling disgusted and feeling a sick sense of pride. I had to delete it from my phone because just looking at it makes me feel so ashamed. It’s done nothing but fuel my restriction because I’m seeing “results” and because I don’t know how else to handle being wracked with guilt and shame. I hate myself for being like this and I wish I could just turn my brain off.

---

[Help] One of the greatest tips of all time has backfired on me (HELP)
/u/shelifts45
Created: Fri Jul 6 05:20:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wj9vh/one_of_the_greatest_tips_of_all_time_has/
---
The tip "eat in front of people/parents so they don't get suspicious of you restricting/fasting" has backfired on me. It used to work really well, I could lose weight and no one would suspect how unhealthy I actually was (bad, I know). I had it ingrained in my brain that I had to prove to them that I was eating so all I would do was eat in front of my parents. Now that is ALL I DO. Seriously, whenever they are around, I cannot stop eating. I end up going over my calorie limit and past satiety. Any advice on how to stop this? Thank you in advance!

---

Messed up at work....
/u/oceanblue10
Created: Fri Jul 6 04:38:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wj203/messed_up_at_work/
---
I flipping binged!!! Well not really but still! My job is so boring and I was mostly just bored...I was at around 400 for the day and I blew it. Had chicken with noodles and mozzarella! Not even that good! The only upside is that since I work night shift, this happened after midnight (the whole thing was maybe 1000 Cal) if I just don't eat for the rest of the day I will still lose. It just sucks.

On the upside! I got out of a group breakfast that would have really messed my week up! So yay?

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[Rant/Rave] Yeah! Pseudoscience, bitch!
/u/Stay__Hungry
Created: Fri Jul 6 03:58:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wiuuq/yeah_pseudoscience_bitch/
---
Rationalizing a binge by telling myself eating 4,000 kcal in one sitting and fasting for six days is way better than spreading those 4,000 kcal evenly over seven days. Because the body couldn’t possibly digest the entire 4,000 kcal in one go, right? Right? Right?!?!?!

Ugh, why do I do these things?

---

[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like relapse is inevitable?
/u/landfill7707
Created: Fri Jul 6 03:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wiq2b/dae_feel_like_relapse_is_inevitable/
---
Or maybe recovery just isn’t possible for everyone. Sorry to be so morbid/pessimistic but I just want to know if it’s only me. I feel like whenever I think I’m recovered, I start to feel “too fat” or like I’m being lazy for not restricting. That turns into dieting “just until I feel good about myself again” which of course, as some of us probably know, isn’t really a thing. So that turns into 800 cals/day which lasts for a few days but it still feels like too much and suddenly you find yourself at 400 cals/day, working out at 3 am because you can’t fall asleep with your thighs touching, your stomach sticking out more than it used to.
Sorry if this isn’t the right flair or sub, I’ve been lurking for a while but this is my first time posting.
TLDR: idk man I just kinda suck at this whole “being healthy” thing

---

[Help] How to discretely cancel brunch plans?
/u/sweetiepeachy
Created: Fri Jul 6 03:26:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wipd6/how_to_discretely_cancel_brunch_plans/
---
Hi guys I missed y’all. I’ve been visiting my bf and his parents for the past couple of days and I’ve been trying to eat “normal” (AKA eating what they make for me so I don’t come off as rude). So far, I’ve had bad nausea and I feel like a whale even though I’ve been here maybe a whole 50 hours lol. My bf and I are supposed to get out of the house tomorrow morning so that their housekeepers can do their thing....and he wants to go out to brunch. First, I’m vegan and the city we’re in has like 0 vegan places. Second, the one vegan place he found, I’m just not into the menu (too expensive, too bougie and obnoxious hipster food for me lol). How tf do I casually get out of these plans without raising any red flags? I don’t wanna waste a bunch of calories on food I don’t even want and I’m fucking stressed cuz I think we’re gonna go out for lunch tomorrow too, any advice or kind words would be appreciated thanks y’all ❤️

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[Rant/Rave] Im a massive hypocrite
/u/gotoyawning
Created: Fri Jul 6 02:58:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wikhw/im_a_massive_hypocrite/
---
I just had a massive go at someone for eating massive amounts of food because I was triggered by it, but as soon as they left I was so angry that I a equally disgusting amount of food I'm so fucking ashamed of myself wtf is wrong with me

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[Help] Post-lax weight?
/u/thinraindrop
Created: Fri Jul 6 02:08:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wic9n/postlax_weight/
---
Hey beauty's ,

Got a bit of an issue here. I regularly take lax, usually right before my weekend so i am slimmer when I go out and stuff. My weight drops like a KG as well. Is this my true weight? Or is my water retaining weight my true weight? Sorry this might be confusing and weird but I worry about it alot wheter I can log my postlax weight or not.

X

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Hit my UGW... now what?
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Fri Jul 6 01:47:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wi8qu/hit_my_ugw_now_what/
---
Still rapidly losing. Hit 18.3 on the bmi scale today. 110 lbs. And now I've moved by goal to 100. Why do I do this?

---

Do we have a group chat anywhere?
/u/mjtang
Created: Fri Jul 6 01:42:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wi7wo/do_we_have_a_group_chat_anywhere/
---
I’d love to be a member of a restriction friendly group chat where we can discuss meals, issues tips and tricks, medical things, and just get to know each other. Is there a group chat on reddit or GroupMe or WhatsApp or should I make one?

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[Discussion] Does anyone else get headaches when restricting food?
/u/cryingboi65
Created: Fri Jul 6 01:08:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wi1qs/does_anyone_else_get_headaches_when_restricting/
---
This is probably a dumb question but I'm new to this and I just want to know if this is normal.

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ATTENTION ALL AUSTRALIANS
/u/lessavauges
Created: Fri Jul 6 00:25:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8whtn5/attention_all_australians/
---
I FOUND SHIRATAKI NOODLES IN WOOLWORTHS IN THE ASIAN SECTION, $2 A POP. CURRENTLY EATING A HUGE BOWL OF THEM WITH MISO SOUP, AND A SUGAR FREE SPRITE, TOTALLING TO 400KJ

this has been a psa, thank you

---

I'm going to be stuck in a food-centric environment for five days without even a way to weigh myself
/u/Call_me_Cassius
Created: Fri Jul 6 00:17:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8whs31/im_going_to_be_stuck_in_a_foodcentric_environment/
---
My family is having a reunion which means five days of food from farmers who hate vegetables. Red meat, and cheese, and bread, for every meal, and if there's any vegetables it'll be sweet corn and potatoes cooked in so much oil and butter, and there'll be a billion desserts around too. There will be nothing safe to eat, and I will prepare none of it for myself so I can't know and control all the portions. And it means staying with my aunt, who doesn't own a scale. And the house will be so packed that I won't even have the privacy to purge.

I want to fast. I don't want to eat a single bite. In part because I feel like every single bite is going to add 10lb, in part because I'm scared if I take one bite I won't be able to stop. But I hinted to my mom that I'm not planning on gorging myself while we're there like she'll expect me to, and she's so angry. She's calling me selfish and ungrateful and disrespectful and stubborn.

I don't know what to do. If I could at least weight myself, I could keep track of the damage and maybe control it. Or at least not have a heart attack when I get home. But I won't even have that. I'm scared trying to fast will make her suspicious, and I'm scared she's going to make me eat no matter what, and I'm scared I'm gonna get sucked into a binge cycle and ruin all of the progress I've made in this last week of restricting or more. I'm scared I'm gonna get sucked into a binge cycle and then never ever ever be able to break it and be stuck binging and fat for the rest of my life.


I need advice and support y'all :(

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Peach?? Add me!
/u/rougoku
Created: Thu Jul 5 23:52:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8whna1/peach_add_me/
---
Is Peach even a thing here anymore?
Please add me tho. @rougoku

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[Other] On top of E.D. Long distance relationship, but we DON'T talk?
/u/I_donut_carrot_all
Created: Thu Jul 5 23:43:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8whljs/on_top_of_ed_long_distance_relationship_but_we/
---
So I posted this in a different sub reddit, but I always feel much more connected here,and less judged, I just thought I'd ask what you guys think, also wondering if my eating disorder bdd is making things seem off?

So as the title states, I'm in a long distance relationship. We are a few states away, about 6 hours by plane. We see each other once or twice a month and things are great. But when we are apart... It's like we aren't in a relationship.

We will maybe talk once or twice on the phone, I'll send snapchats to him but get very generalized snaps back (don't mention my name, or what I was talking about etc). I'm terrified of coming off as clingy, because if reddit has taught me anything it's that guy's hate that shit.

But it just feels... Off? I can see his snap counter going up (oh my gosh, saying that sounds 100% juvenile and pathetic) and so I just feel weird? If I am potentially going to up and move to his state next year, I feel like we need to have better communication than just once a month? Could it be the age difference, even though we really aren't that far apart.

My friend thinks he is either cheating on me/playing me or using me as a booty call, but idk, that would be really expensive and time consuming on his part.

Is this typical of long distance relationships?

I don't know who to talk to about this, but I'd like some feed back from at least someone to help me get my thoughts in order. If you need anymore background info or questions ask away.

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[Other] Writing a poem about how my eating disorder isn’t poetic is a special type of irony isn’t it
/u/littlesubbytrip
Created: Thu Jul 5 23:42:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8whl6g/writing_a_poem_about_how_my_eating_disorder_isnt/
---
https://i.redd.it/kxp9s63im9811.jpg

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I decided to eat ...
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Thu Jul 5 23:19:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8whgr7/i_decided_to_eat/
---
I decided to eat a bagel around 12:30am and its now 1:15am and I wasnt able to throw it up. I am currently so upset at myself, drained from energy, yet anxious. Im seriously so mad at myself. i dont know how much longer I can deal with this.

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[Discussion] Rituals before weighing
/u/gpbean
Created: Thu Jul 5 23:19:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8whgpi/rituals_before_weighing/
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Has anyone noticed they have rituals before they weigh themselves? I’ve noticed I don’t drink water and I pee. I also always weigh myself at the same time of the day with the same clothes, with the scale in the same place.

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[Rant/Rave] Want to have sex but can’t bc you hate yourself? [maybe NSFW]
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Thu Jul 5 23:02:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8whd8q/want_to_have_sex_but_cant_bc_you_hate_yourself/
---
Honestly sometimes I just want to be able to hug someone or have physical contact and not think “holy crap I’m fat, can they feel it?” or that I’m suffocating them. But this guy texts me and I think wants something casual. If I weren’t totally disgusted with myself I’d say yes. I hate seeing myself naked so why would anyone else want to see me either.

Also another part of me thinks “that’s probably you being self destructive”. He told me that I was cute but I think it was whatever comment. Idk if I just like that he complimented me.

Ahh sorry but does anyone else get this feeling?

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I feel like there's no "reason" I should have an ED
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Thu Jul 5 22:33:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wh76z/i_feel_like_theres_no_reason_i_should_have_an_ed/
---
My parents are nice ad supportiuve, have always paid attention to me, and encouraged a healthy relationship with food. Eating disorders don't run in my family. I had a nice upper middle class childhood between the US and each of my parents home countries. I was never abused and never really bullied. Literally I shouldn't be unhappy at all I've had so many opportunities that others haven't yet here I am. I feel like such a fuckup

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Saw "stars" after i purged??? Help??
/u/Lolololrip
Created: Thu Jul 5 22:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wh4g4/saw_stars_after_i_purged_help/
---
I purge regularly and this has never happened before. I usually throw up in the shower because its just easiest to cover noise and the mess. This time was different. I was hardly able to get any food back up and then i ended up seeing these light looking things which im assuming is what people refer to as "stars" when they are "seeing stars"?? The lights didnt go away for like a minute and i kind of was mesmerised by them. This has never happened to me before and i have definitely not new to purging up my food. After this happened i was able to finish my shower but i was so exhausted. I had to take a few breaks from washing my hair and stuff. What happened??

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God I can’t wait for school to start for once
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Thu Jul 5 22:20:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wh496/god_i_cant_wait_for_school_to_start_for_once/
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Like 6 weeks.

I’m going to a new school where I’ll be the new girl and I’m just looking forward to being in a consistent schedule because it makes restriction so much easier and I just really miss seeing my friends every day. I feel really lonely tbh even though I still see them a lot

Any tips for the being the new girl? Kind of scared tbh

---

It really irks me that people assume everybody who is overweight has an ED
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Thu Jul 5 22:15:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wh39o/it_really_irks_me_that_people_assume_everybody/
---
Like yeah, I know eating disorders ARE prevalent among people who are overweight but not everybody who is fat has BED or Bulimia. I’m so tired of talking about EDs and some idiot has to say “wElL 70% oF tHiS cOuNtRy hAs aN eAtiNg diSorDer” like no stop

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Anyone have pics with about 10 lb difference?
/u/zopodi_2
Created: Thu Jul 5 21:36:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wgub0/anyone_have_pics_with_about_10_lb_difference/
---
Cannot for the life of me find pictures of non-overweight people with before/after of 10 lb loss increments.

Maybe it's because I'm super amped on adderall right now and it's driving me a little insane. Heh.

Anyone have examples that would be great.

---

small semi acomplishment
/u/astra2018
Created: Thu Jul 5 21:28:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wgsnk/small_semi_acomplishment/
---
I went on vacation for 7 days. I had reached my goal weight a few days before the vacation and even dropped two pounds below it the day before we left even though I binged hardcore on BREAD of al things. On vacation I didn't restrict whatsoever because my parents pressured me to eat and threatened to take me to a doctor b/c im underweight. There is no way in hell I'm gonna let them do that to me so I basically binged every meal. Ate until I was uncomfortably full for literally no reason at all- added sugar to my coffees, DRANK calories (big deal for me), ate dessert everyday and felt like shit. I got back home today, and def thought I gained at least 4 pounds. I heard my dad tell my grandma he thinks I gained some weight and I felt like crying/dying. I couldnt help myself and weighed myself right after that and saw that im literally still at my goal weight. I haven't gained anything really. maybe 1 pound. And on top of that- they think I've gained weight so they won't make me go to to a doctor!!! So happy rn

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[Other] [x-post from r/wowthanksimcured] Eat more? Stop purging? Genius idea!
/u/Rickticia
Created: Thu Jul 5 21:22:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wgran/xpost_from_rwowthanksimcured_eat_more_stop/
---
https://i.redd.it/h5h0k8alx8811.jpg

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[Discussion] Has anyone tried EMDR?
/u/tobethinspo
Created: Thu Jul 5 21:18:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wgqit/has_anyone_tried_emdr/
---
Therapist is currently doing EMDR with me but I don't really feel like it's the right fit for me and is actually going to make a difference long term.

What are your experiences with it if you've done any?

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Binging now because I’m fucking upset.
/u/rougoku
Created: Thu Jul 5 21:13:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wgp79/binging_now_because_im_fucking_upset/
---
Turns out my bf has been lying to me about his drug usage. I was doing SO good today, under 500 calories. Now I’m like Chips ahoy, two glasses of wine and a beer, and bbq chips in and I feel like total trash. Here’s to a better day tomorrow, right?? Ha....I need to find something better to do than eat my emotions :(

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How do I stop relying on carbonated drinks?
/u/finnkat
Created: Thu Jul 5 21:02:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wgmrs/how_do_i_stop_relying_on_carbonated_drinks/
---
I'm basically addicted to diet soda, it's all I ever drink and I'm soooo bloated all the time. I literally look pregnant. I don't want to stop drinking them cause they taste so good and the carbonation is calming in a way? But I'm so sick of being so bloated ): Any advice?

---

[Discussion] Surviving the heat??
/u/squishykiss
Created: Thu Jul 5 20:13:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wgb7v/surviving_the_heat/
---
I’m currently suffering through a heat wave where I live. Does anyone else feel a million times more lethargic when they’re restricting during high temperatures? I just feel too sweaty and hot to even sit up, and my stomach hurts from how hungry I am.

Idk how I’m gonna survive my shift tomorrow because there’s no AC where I work and last time I was working I honestly felt really close to passing out :/ I drink a lot of water, too, and am pretty mindful about my nutrient/vitamin intake.

---

[Rant/Rave] Feel like I should eat more, but honestly not hungry
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Thu Jul 5 20:11:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wgate/feel_like_i_should_eat_more_but_honestly_not/
---
So I kinda accidentally didn't eat until like 5 PM today and then I had a very filling can of soup, but the soup was only 274 calories so I know that I should eat more before I go to bed, but I really don't want to because I'm just not hungry. :( maybe I'll order something high in calories that isn't very filling like McDonalds... yay recovery...

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[Rant/Rave] my ed fucked upba slumber party I'd been looking forward to for ages
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Thu Jul 5 19:59:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wg7ya/my_ed_fucked_upba_slumber_party_id_been_looking/
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I'm in the middle of a slumber party at my place that I've been looking forward to for ages, and my ED fucking ruined it. I ate shit before we went to my room, panicked, said I had to check if I locked the door, threw up, went back upstairs to find out everyone was desperate to sleep. Mind you, I asked them what time they thought we'd go to sleep so I'd know if I could take some ritalin to calm down my adhd-head. They all said it would be fine, that we certainly wouldn't sleep for at least four more hours, only to fall asleep not even two hours later. Meaning I'm here all alone with my ED thoughts, freaking out about the fucking cookies I ate 3 hours ago. I'm lowkey mad at them for falling asleep so fast, but I'm downright angry at myself for letting my fucking ED ruin this shit that I've been looking forward to for almost 2 months. I wish the whole eating thing wasn't a thing that kept my mind busy 24/7, I just want to be fucking normal.

idk what this is tbh i just needed to vent, thanks for reading if you did

---

My mom called me a pig earlier today because I was eating fast. Never eating again.
/u/nihilistatari
Created: Thu Jul 5 19:19:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wfyi5/my_mom_called_me_a_pig_earlier_today_because_i/
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I have been binging practically every single day for the past week or two and this was just what I needed. I am hardcore restricting/fasting for the rest of time now. Never eating again. I want to be dead.

---

I ruined 2 days of being purge free because I have doubts about my boyfriends fidelity.
/u/Joyoftheseason
Created: Thu Jul 5 19:09:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wfwat/i_ruined_2_days_of_being_purge_free_because_i/
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The worst is....
Honestly to painful to share.

---

[Other] Supersize vs super skinny
/u/runningthewrongway
Created: Thu Jul 5 18:57:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wftg7/supersize_vs_super_skinny/
---
I’m watching an episode with a 35 stone (I think) man in it and I just realized that my thighs are bigger than his. Has anyone else had an experience like this?

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[Discussion] Smelling food during fasting?
/u/squishysponges
Created: Thu Jul 5 18:40:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wfp5z/smelling_food_during_fasting/
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Ok so I’m fasting today after having over 3000 calories yesterday :-) and I’m craving the rest of the salt and vinegar chips and hot cheetos on my dining room table right now so badly. I couldn’t stop thinking about it so I literally just opened the bag and deeply inhaled the scent of both and all of a sudden my hunger pang went away. Does anyone else do this lmfao I need validation right now for this really strange behavior

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[Discussion] That sour/wet tingly mouth feeling
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Thu Jul 5 18:27:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wfm8l/that_sourwet_tingly_mouth_feeling/
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Does anybody else get that weird and almost sour feeling in their mouth when they’re about to eat?

Like that sensation right before growing up? I don’t have much history with b/p and restricting is more my speed, but today before eating my lunch I almost couldn’t because that taste kept coming back.

For context I typically eat one meal, power walk to reduce the calories and then my dinner is some combination of popcorn and alcohol. Unless I feel I need more protein then I add a hard boiled egg.

But like right now I’m gagging looking at my lunch and it’s all safe foods and things I’m comfortable eating.

---

[Help] Spike Days?
/u/astro-punk
Created: Thu Jul 5 17:40:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wfab7/spike_days/
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How do you know when to do a spike day? How high do you spike to? Is there a "correct" way to spike?
Thanks!

---

[Help] Just wondering if my participation is welcome/okay?
/u/mynicestvices
Created: Thu Jul 5 17:29:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wf7ke/just_wondering_if_my_participation_is_welcomeokay/
---
I made this account specifically to participate in subreddits I do not want linked to me IRL — my main account is almost 10 years old and people in my real life have found me over the years.

I don’t want to invade/participate in a space that is specifically designed for those who struggle with various eating disorders when I don’t have one myself. That said, I’ve started counting my caloric intake again after a few years of not doing it and I *definitely* have some uh, disordered habits that are not really welcome on the other subs related to weight loss. I identify with a lot of behaviors I see here but certainly not anywhere near all of them.

I just wanted to know if the general consensus of this subreddit is more “as long as you are accepting of everyone’s disordered eating, you are welcome here” or if it was “as long as you yourself struggle with disordered eating, you are welcome here”? I just don’t want to ruffle any feathers or make anyone feel like I’ve invaded their refuge when I don’t necessarily identify with all of the struggles the users here experience.

Please feel free to downvote if this kind of question is inappropriate 💕 Thanks all!

---

Well im just going to blame my genetics
/u/littlejanedoe-
Created: Thu Jul 5 17:20:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wf58k/well_im_just_going_to_blame_my_genetics/
---
Today i learned that my great great great great grandfather was the largest man in my country when he was alive. He had to be laid to rest in a piano case because of his size.

---

[Rant/Rave] Happy Accident? [rant]
/u/InMemoryOfTofu
Created: Thu Jul 5 17:13:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wf3e6/happy_accident_rant/
---
I bit my cheek two days ago, then my tongue yesterday. Between the two of those it's too painful to eat or drink. Silver linings? I'm almost grateful for it.

DAE have any happy accidents lately?

---

[Help] Jealous of boyfriend??
/u/DamnPolygalaceae
Created: Thu Jul 5 17:09:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wf2gn/jealous_of_boyfriend/
---
So my boyfriend has lost about 12 kg in the past few months, I could tell he had toned up a bit but I didn’t think he had lost 12kg! That’s a good chunk of weight, he doesn’t have an ED or anything he’s just started a labour job so he does a lot of lifting or whatever BESIDES THE POINT
I’m still a lot smaller than him thank god but that doesn’t stop the jealousy creeping in 😂 like I’m happy he’s fit or whatever but now I feel more motivated to be better than him or something? Idk it sounds absolutely pathetic but I can’t stop thinking about “what if he keeps losing” “what if I look big next to him” and just all sorts of bullshit like that. I can not justify why I’m jealous of a 6ft male!!! Is anyone else like this?

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[Rant/Rave] Had this photo taken by surprise and liked it so I thought I'd share
/u/Firerose157
Created: Thu Jul 5 17:00:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wezz9/had_this_photo_taken_by_surprise_and_liked_it_so/
---
https://i.redd.it/w16b7qblm7811.jpg

---

[Discussion] Anyone else feel like their ED influences every single decision they make?
/u/Babe-rahamLincoln
Created: Thu Jul 5 16:57:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wez8f/anyone_else_feel_like_their_ed_influences_every/
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Just a thought I had because I agreed to work 5 extra hours than I’m supposed to tomorrow. And it wasn’t for the extra money but solely because I’ll be distracted and able to effectively starve myself for 5 extra hours.. How sick is that?

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[Rant/Rave] Maybe I’m being dramatic, but this is the worst.
/u/dyingtobepretty
Created: Thu Jul 5 16:33:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wet4l/maybe_im_being_dramatic_but_this_is_the_worst/
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I took home a salad from work and I was sooooo excited to eat it and when I opened the bag, it was a burger. I grabbed someone else’s bag and ended up with a burger instead of my fav salad. Now I’m starving, and just staring at this burger thinking about how much I don’t want to eat meat or bread or cheese. Sigh.

---

[Discussion] DAE feel extremely bloated after a small amount of food?
/u/jackolantern_hat
Created: Thu Jul 5 16:24:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8weqkd/dae_feel_extremely_bloated_after_a_small_amount/
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Recently I eat a bite of fruit or have a small slice of bread and I feel like I'm going to burst from bloating for the rest of the day and night. I used to be able to binge an entire large pizza, brownies, and wings and feel full but not uncomfortable.

Anyone else feel this way or know why this happens?

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[Help] Calorie estimate?
/u/KrustyKup
Created: Thu Jul 5 16:15:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8weo7p/calorie_estimate/
---
I had a pretty large caesar salad with grated Parmesan, smaller croutons, a crab cake, and a side of cocktail sauce. It was from a local restaurant but how many calories do you guys think it has in it? Kinda freaking out bc I told myself I was going to fast but I need to study tonight so I had to eat (not as much as I did but shit happens).

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I just cut a piece of flesh out of my mouth to guarantee I'll waterfast tomorrow.
/u/officialrogersmith
Created: Thu Jul 5 16:02:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wekpq/i_just_cut_a_piece_of_flesh_out_of_my_mouth_to/
---
I don't even know. My mouth is full of blood. The sink is full of blood. The piece of flesh is still hanging there by a thread and I'll have to keep going soon but I got a bit dizzy and had to pause.

It had been bugging me for weeks anyway, because it covered a bit of my molar and got infected from time to time but after binging for three days straight despite best intentions something snapped in me.
And now I won't be able to eat anything the next couple of days to ensure it won't get infected.

I'm 8 months clean of cutting and while it is technically self harm, I don't consider it a relapse. I have been around razor blades for half an hour now and haven't cut or even felt the urge to, so, that's something I guess.

---

[Help] I feel like I’ve been robbed by treatment and I need to get around this new meal plan
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Thu Jul 5 15:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wehuc/i_feel_like_ive_been_robbed_by_treatment_and_i/
---
So I finally got to my goal weight, 110, and now they’re making me gain back to 120. I don’t want that there’s a reason I don’t want that. And now my parents are gonna be more vigilant so restricting will be harder. I know I get back into it when i go to school. But for the next month and a half if I can just stall weight gain. If anyone had any tips about how I can do/survive this, they’d be greatly appreciated.

---

[Rant/Rave] My current viscous cycle
/u/cas215
Created: Thu Jul 5 15:44:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wefps/my_current_viscous_cycle/
---
Im in such a hard place rn. My summer intensive means im dancing upwards of 4.5 hours a day. (Im a stereotype for dancing but trust me, I had an ED before dance.) anyway... dance burns alot of calories so i get to my dorm and im SO HUNGRY. But im hesitant. Even with a heart rate monitoring fitbit, i still feel unsure about the amount of calories i may be burning. Im often too exhausted to go to the gym. (I still try tho and am currently resting before i go) i know i need to eat more than normal restriction because of the increased activity, but without proper calorie count, i feel like im cheating. So im just trying to stick to whatever i can burn in the gym. But im so hungry, but i cant eat any of it, but i can because ive danced forever today, but i dont know how many calories, but im so hungry. And so on and so forth. I feel like im being torn apart.

---

Arielle Calderon-BuzzFeed Writer
/u/trolldoll26
Created: Thu Jul 5 15:19:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8we8e1/arielle_calderonbuzzfeed_writer/
---
Is anyone familiar with her?

I got into the habit of checking BuzzFeed when I was in college and I haven't been able to break off the habit-even though most of the site is all clickbait.

Anyway: Arielle first caught my attention when she started posting articles about her weight loss journey. She lost 100 pounds and she detailed every step of her journey and she included a ton of pictures.

Basically, she was one of the reasons I was inspired to *finally* start losing weight. At a 194 pounds, I started following her on Instagram and I was obsessed with eating perfect meals like her. She never reached the "thinspo" that I search for online, but knowing that someone about my size had done it the healthy way, I was obsessed! If she could make that much progress eating healthy and balanced meals...I could probably do it quicker and with less food.

Last year, Arielle got really sick and since getting sick, she's gained *so much* weight back. She's denounced her efforts of losing weight and has even deleted the pictures of her weight loss. Recently she was featured on a podcast called "The Confidence Project" and she spoke about her struggle with food and losing weight. I listened to her episode and I was so sad for her. Sad to her about her struggle when it seemed like everything was okay. But I was terrified, selfishly, for me. Her secret eating habits were just like mine.

Though I'm sure this is a good and maybe healthy move for Arielle, I can't help but feel a huge sense of betrayal in an inexpiable way. Of course, I want everyone to be healthy, and I don't want anyone to struggle with food or eating disorders. But I'm so disappointed. I looked up to her and her journey helped set me into my weight loss. Her struggle makes me scared.

I'm scared that everything they say is true: those who lose weight will gain it back.

Does this mean that I'm doomed to be thin for a short amount of time? Will I reach my UGW only to lose control quickly after? How long will I be in control?

I know that weight loss is up to me-but what if I can't control my restriction and one binge sets off a million more?

Thank you for reading. This has been on my mind for quite some time. I wish Arielle nothing but the best in her journey to health-but I'm selfishly heartbroken to know the truth.

---

[Rant/Rave] I have returned from inpatient and...
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Thu Jul 5 15:17:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8we7u2/i_have_returned_from_inpatient_and/
---
I hated it. I finally got to the weight I wanted and these motherfuckers are making me gain weight. So when I get back to college I’ll just lose it back. I’ve learned weight gain and loss isn’t that hard. But I hated being in my body and then I was comfortable and now they’re changing it. It’s my body I should be able to mold it how I want.

---

Does anyone else eat until they feel bloated when their diet is healthy?
/u/Rocket_to_Russia_
Created: Thu Jul 5 15:09:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8we5rs/does_anyone_else_eat_until_they_feel_bloated_when/
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I've cut out un complex carbs and sugars from my diet and stick to vegetables, meats and fruits. It works, and I've reached a Jim Morrison esque build (as a guy) but damn do I feel bloated all the time from excess eating. Its great that I don't have to track my calories but when my brain is going "We need sugar and carbs now, stat" my only way to compensate is by eating 3 nectarines in a row and a whole bag of grapes. I eat alot of fruit so this may be part of it as well.

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I always feel inadequate.
/u/hiruth
Created: Thu Jul 5 15:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8we5qz/i_always_feel_inadequate/
---
I don’t have anything special that makes me stick out but i desperately seek it so I can say “it’s apples to oranges” when I start getting jealous or comparing myself to others.

For example: If I see a skinnier girl, instead of instantly getting jealous, I try and think “well, she’s taller than me so I could never be that thin... I’m pretty, too... just different. and short.”

but when there’s someone who is clearly better than me in every department, someone who I can’t make an excuse up for being worse than, I want to D I E

the worst is when it’s someone actively in my life who i can frequently draw comparisons between myself and them.

ugh. anyone relate? any advice would rock...

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[Rant/Rave] (Rant) Why is my boyfriend like this
/u/riffraffinaround
Created: Thu Jul 5 14:53:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8we10c/rant_why_is_my_boyfriend_like_this/
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He gives me so much flack when I restrict and knows how bad my food guilt is but yet when I want to indulge in pizza like a normal human or just eat cake for dinner all he says is "This can't be an everyday thing." or "Really, you're eating THAT?" Like cool. Now I'm just not going to eat anything and then you will give me a hard time for that too. 😒😒

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Feeling 🙁
/u/sagittorius
Created: Thu Jul 5 14:41:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wdx73/feeling/
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I haven’t lost anything in a month. No binges, some purging, restricting but not super hardcore. UGHHHHHH.

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[Help] I'm having major anxiety over 1000 cal meal
/u/queseyoqueyoquese
Created: Thu Jul 5 14:22:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wdrk8/im_having_major_anxiety_over_1000_cal_meal/
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I needed to get out of my job because I hate it there and when my sister called about going to taco bell I said fucking YES, the problem was the lunch I had to take, which according to my fitness pal is 1000 cal. I'm having major anxiety over it, I had breakfast this morning thinking I could skip lunch but I can't. I fucking hate myself right now. Hsnsksmdnnxkfkf. Tips on how to deal?

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Have any of you permanently ruined your digestive system from laxative abuse? And if so, how did it happen?
/u/non4gretchenweiners
Created: Thu Jul 5 14:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wdojp/have_any_of_you_permanently_ruined_your_digestive/
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I've started abusing laxatives and I'm scared of what it will do to my body in the long term. I've heard horror stories about people who've completely lost the ability to poop without laxatives after a long period of abuse. Does anyone know anything about this or had experience with this?

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Just IBS or have I messed up my insides?
/u/drylyksanddunes
Created: Thu Jul 5 13:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wdkpy/just_ibs_or_have_i_messed_up_my_insides/
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Warning, TMI: I've been using laxatives for years, then moved onto suppositories and do combos of the two quite often.

Over the last many months I only have two kinds of bowel movements, it's either explosive af even when I haven't touched lax in weeks or I'm severely constipated and lax doesn't work.

I drink plenty of water, diet isn't great I eat a lot. For example yesterday I ate an entire capsicum, brocolli, hand full of peas, half an onion, 2 cups of cabbage, 2 zucchinis cooked in butter chicken sauce over two meals plus an apple. So there's fibre and volume. I had lax 12 hours ago and I feel so sick and constipated.

I have IBS but I feel like I need to do a suppository every other day because I'm constipated but then all the other days I have diarrhoea.

All I have ever wanted was a regular movement once a day. I think my body is getting a little dependant on it, so I want to stop taking them but how do I keep regular... without them I can go as long as 2 weeks without going even not when restricting. Any advice? I just want to poop like a normal person :(

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My psych is a dick
/u/elastizitat
Created: Thu Jul 5 13:54:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wdj9n/my_psych_is_a_dick/
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Little background, I'm 5'6" and weigh just over 100 pounds. I'm a bit self-conscious about being "too thin" but of course it isn't something I talk about often...
Anyway, Psych was helping me fill out some forms, and marked that I have anorexia - meaning lack of appetite (side effect from various other meds), not to be confused with anorexia nervosa.
He adds, "Although who could tell the difference?" and thought he was mighty hilarious.
Fucked up, right? He's a *psychiatrist*, he should know better than to make jokes about things like that. And yeah, my feelings were hurt.
That's all, just venting. Thanks for reading. Anyone else have a psych / therapist who pisses you off?

---

I'm a new Lively ambassador, use my $10 off code!
/u/little_chicken_wing
Created: Thu Jul 5 13:41:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wdf68/im_a_new_lively_ambassador_use_my_10_off_code/
---
hey loves, here's a shameless post to share my coupon code with you all. Livley sells lots of cute undies, swim wear, bras, and bralettes. Use my unique code to get $10 off your first purchase!

my code is: AMB-missyfett

or follow this link: https://www.wearlively.com/discount/AMB-missyfett

here's a cute [pic](https://imgur.com/hWDRygp)

---

[Rant/Rave] Crying over a samosa :(
/u/catpotatotots
Created: Thu Jul 5 13:33:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wdczv/crying_over_a_samosa/
---
I was planning on fasting for the next two days because I ate a lot with family yesterday (yumcha in the morning and grandma cooked a huuuuuge meal in the evening then I had to share ice cream with my 2 year old cousin who couldn’t finish it on her own..)

My friend helped me get an interview for a job at my college today and her boss offered me a samosa in the middle of the interview. I didn’t want to risk him not liking me so I gladly accepted and he waited for me to take a bite to see if I enjoyed it..I ended up eating the entire thing since there were a couple people there and I couldn’t purge without my friend noticing 🙃🙃🙃 now I’m sitting on the bus crying over the fact I had to eat this samosa just for a $13.50/hr job but we’re also on the verge of being kicked out of my MIL’s house so I need the job..

The samosa wasn’t even that good and now I’m off to do a Pokémon raid with my fiancé by a Wendy’s which I know he’s going to want to eat after since it’s his favorite fast food place but I just want to eat everything in site :(

I just really needed to write this out before I have a breakdown on this bus okay thanks bye

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I'm a new Lively ambassador, use my $10 off code!
/u/little_chicken_wing
Created: Thu Jul 5 13:31:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wdcjb/im_a_new_lively_ambassador_use_my_10_off_code/
---
https://imgur.com/hWDRygp

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Fun Workplace Comments!
/u/hollowdeer
Created: Thu Jul 5 13:13:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wd70t/fun_workplace_comments/
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If I go to the gym: "Heh, go for a run today? Wish I had the discipline..."

If I don't go to the gym: "Oh, no workout today? Why not?"

If I eat the offered snacks: "Look at Hollow having some chips! Are those even allowed on your diet?"

If I don't eat the snacks: "Oh, come on, have one cookie! You're already skinny!"

My body is not office property any more than yours is, Mr. Overweight Coworker. Every time one of my coworkers comments on my fitness or food I want to scream. It did make it easier to skip lunch because at least judging 'no food' is boring after the first dozen fucking times!

Does anyone else feel like the thinner you get the more you're treated as communal property to comment on? People are literally talking about my body like I'm not in the goddamn room. That's *wild*.

Jokes on you coworkers: every time you make a hee-larious, judgmental, or deeply personal comment about my body and how I eat, I feel really bad about myself and skip another meal because I am literally a crazy person you are taunting.

In b4 "maybe they're just concerned": I have a BMI of 23. This is not concern. This is just...gross? Weird? Incomprehensible?

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[Help] I ate some of my safe foods and now I'm regretting it
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Thu Jul 5 13:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wd4l5/i_ate_some_of_my_safe_foods_and_now_im_regretting/
---
I decided to eat something "proper" that I found safe enough but now I'm regretting it and want to throw it up. I didn't want to restrict or throw up but I'm so anxious that I don't know what to do.
I'm gonna feel like an idiot and trash if I throw up but I'm way too anxious.

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[Help] Low calorie, filling foods?
/u/noneofyournonsense
Created: Thu Jul 5 13:04:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wd4cg/low_calorie_filling_foods/
---
I'm struggling here, I've been restricting and I'm making good progress towards my goal weight. I usually do OMAD which is dinner. My SO is also trying to lose weight so he doesn't think anything of having salad w/lean protein almost every night. My biggest problem lately is that I'm so freaking hungry. Yesterday I let myself have a snack of skinny pop popcorn and I ended up eating the whole freaking bag (630 cal but still...). Then I felt guilty and didn't eat anything else the rest of the day. Hunger usually hits me the hardest at night, I have insomnia, so I'm literally just laying there thinking about how hungry I am but not wanting to consume unnecessary calories. I know veggies and some fruit are great and low cal. I try to stick to catabolic foods but I am so sick of salad and eating like a rabbit. What are some other filling options?

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[Rant/Rave] My Weigh-In at the Doctor's Really Upset Me....
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Thu Jul 5 13:02:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wd3z1/my_weighin_at_the_doctors_really_upset_me/
---
Went to the doctor today because I had to get a yearly exam (I'm a 24 year old female). A few weeks ago I hit a LW of 90lbs. I've been very stressed lately and last I checked, I was 95lbs. The doctor's scale today said 98lbs (I am barely 5'2). I feel disgusting.

I WILL get back down to 90lbs no matter what it takes. I have to.

---

DAE have days where they are ravenous af (but not in a binging way)?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Thu Jul 5 12:36:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wcw0s/dae_have_days_where_they_are_ravenous_af_but_not/
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Every once in a blue moon I'll have a few days where literally nothing fills me and I'm constantly starving. All the Bronkaid in the world wouldn't make a dent in my hunger. Then I enter a period where I have very little hunger. I think it's my hormones but God I am just ravenous today. Anyone else?

---

[Discussion] Protein powder recipe suggestions/favorites? (preferably vegan)
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Thu Jul 5 12:21:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wcrn1/protein_powder_recipe_suggestionsfavorites/
---
(Ignore my last post about me leaving lol turns out I just couldn't stay away)

So yeah, as the title says, I have three drums of protein powder sitting in my cupboard and I wanna get them used up. The problem is, most protein powder recipes I've found online are only one of two things: low-cal or vegan. I'm trying to come up with some interesting recipes to use them up so I'm not stuck drinking smoothies every morning. Here's what I've got so far:

* the obvious (smoothies, nice cream, oatmeal, pancakes)
* this pudding idea i found on pinterest
* a crepe/flatbread type thing
* protein energy bites
* mug cake
* something SAVORY 'cause I have an unsweetened powder, maybe like in mock meats or something?

Do any of you wonderful human beings have suggestions of recipes you like? It would also be cool if you have some that seem a lot higher-cal than they are (I'm in a bit of a forced-recovery-type-situation and need to convince my caretakers I'm eating Enough while still restricting so I don't fall into intense self-hatred). Thanks guys even if this turns into one of those posts no one comments on, I love you all anyway. <3

---

DAE have binges triggered by specific people?
/u/kindascaredandhangry
Created: Thu Jul 5 12:14:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wcpnj/dae_have_binges_triggered_by_specific_people/
---
So normally I can handle controlling my food at meals, even if it's with my parents, friends, even at a party or something (though I have to pretend to be normal 🙄). But for some reason whenever my brothers and I hang out, even for short periods of time, I ALWAYS need to be snacking on SOMETHING. Like yesterday when my brother and I were talking and I suddenly found a cookie in my mouth... or when I suddenly got like 3 cups more cups of rice in the kitchen when he was talking to me about something... WHY?? I feel like such a fat pig, it really throws me off talking to them more. Plus they eat way more than I do (but they're so much skinnier somehow??) and I get SO tempted.

Anyone else suddenly have binges around certain people?

---

[Other] Another Poem
/u/Sockapoodledoo
Created: Thu Jul 5 12:03:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wcm7x/another_poem/
---
https://i.redd.it/pazdpauw56811.jpg

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Arugula is god????
/u/flyingmonkeyssaymoo
Created: Thu Jul 5 12:02:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wclxi/arugula_is_god/
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How is it so low cal. I made a huge ass salad with arugula and the sesame soy ginger vinaigrette among other things and it's like wow decent. Also I have 0 energy today. Playing is it my dependence on caffeine, lack of food, lack of water, purging, or some serious health concern or like maybe my antidepressants????????

---

Got tipsy last night and argued with my co-workers about eating
/u/morco99
Created: Thu Jul 5 11:56:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wck1q/got_tipsy_last_night_and_argued_with_my_coworkers/
---
I was at a barbeque with co-workers and figured out how many beers makes me drunk (I'm 19). I got really dizzy and my co-workers told me I had to eat something, but I refused everything and said I wasnt hungry, even though they knew I hadn't eaten much. I'm worried they'll realize I have an eating disorder, but at the same time I feel like a lot of "normal" people refuse food sometimes and no one thinks anything of it

I feel better because my work is ordering food for us this weekend and if I could avoid eating there (I was there for 7 hours and only drank 342 calories of beer, woohoo), I can this weekend. I feel so powerful. I also ate a bit when I got home but felt bad about it, so I puked successfully for the first time (usually I don't see actual food chunks). I woke up having lost 2.1 pounds this morning :)

Holidays and get-togethers usually scare the shit out of me, but yesterday made me feel so in control. My cousin's wedding is next weekend and I'm not even terrified of food being there anymore.

---

[Discussion] Comments made by parents that possibly triggered your ED during childhood?
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Thu Jul 5 11:34:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wcdkp/comments_made_by_parents_that_possibly_triggered/
---
Does anyone else feel like your parents triggered your ED during childhood?

I was a heavier kid, likely because I was expected to clean my plate at every meal time, plus my parents were overweight so we didn't eat very healthy to begin with. This didn't stop them from commenting on my size early on though. I was constantly told to suck in my stomach, that my stomach looked big, that my thighs were "too prominent" for certain outfits, that if I eat this or that I'll become huge, that if I keep up with my current eating habits I'll be an obese adult.

When I lost weight the comments didn't stop. I was constantly tempted with sweets, told that I look sickly. My mom was always prodding at my body and commenting on how boney/unhealthy I looked.

Now that I think of it, my appearance was always a big topic of debate. I was always receiving comments on how bad my acne had gotten, that my makeup, hair and outfits looked bad. I was even shamed for having body hair.

I feel like this screwed me up and is probably the main culprit for my ED, especially since I was so young when it all started.

---

[Rant/Rave] My binging/ED only shows up when I feel purposeless and useless
/u/letgoor
Created: Thu Jul 5 11:28:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wcbqb/my_binginged_only_shows_up_when_i_feel/
---
Yup. Every time I’m happy, have an active social life, am consumed with school or work, I tend to have absolutely no problems with binging or most ED behaviors. I actually can restrict so well since I’m busy all the time.

Well, now that I’m an unemployed college graduate, I feel fucking USELESS. My day consists of gym, applying for jobs, and avoiding other humans in case they ask me how the job search is going. Oh, and binging, unless I’m restricting. Buying and making food. Researching random crap and wishing I could just move away from this place forever and not have to think about money or my body.

Even though I’m an aspiring entrepreneur, I really need a job. I’m not experienced enough in anything so I can’t execute a good idea. I also want to help my parents with money already. They’ve paid for everything all my life, I want to give something back.

And I absolute CRAVE routine. Oh god. Post- college depression is real. My whole life I was a goody two -shoes academic marvel. Now no one gives a fuck what you did or how well you did at college. Uh, do you have a job yet?


Ahhh!!!! Shoot me now.

Anyway, feeling useless triggers binges for me... nothing too bad, but they’re usually around 3k, which sets back my progress by like 3 days. Annoying af since I’ve been trying to get under 130 forever. At least I’ve lost 17 lbs this year, but damn.

Does anyone ever think that your ED is only your coping mechanism for when you feel out of control? Ive dealt with this restricting/binging shit for 3 years on and off. I only relapse badly when I feel useless. Then I get anxious and depressed on top of that, YAY!

There’s even a theory in this called Logotherapy which says that (I’m on mobile so I’m paraphrasing) some mental illnesses are just due to a lack of life purpose or meaning in a person’s life. That resonates with me tbh.

The other day I helped this man in a life-changing way (long story). I basically sat down with him and helped him solve a legal issue he has had for years. For those 3 hours, I felt amazing, I didn’t think about food or my body or eating disorders or depression. And time FLEW BY! I wish I could feel like that all the time.

---

[Rant/Rave] Stupid Memories
/u/USSNerdinator
Created: Thu Jul 5 11:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wc7jv/stupid_memories/
---
So at 16 I was overweight but not horribly horribly obese but was still struggling with hypoglycemia issues (which had been a problem since at least age 6 when I was a thin little thing). I just remember going to someone's wedding and having issues there and needing to have something to eat and someone asked if I was diabetic (which in my brain was basically the same as telling me I'm a horrendously fat person). Unfortunately I got asked that a lot by many adults from 16-19 or so. Any self confidence I might have had was basically flushed down the toilet because I realized not only did I feel pretty fat but others were making the assumption that any excess weight +my hypoglycemia was because of type 2 diabetes. I am not, nor have I ever been a diabetic. The only two people I knew who were diabetic were like 300+ pounds obese men. These memories just surfaced today and I realized just how much they'd hurt me because at the time I felt like "well, why am I even trying if people are going to see me as the same fat person I already see in my head?"

---

4lbs in 1 week!
/u/daphoobear
Created: Thu Jul 5 11:11:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wc6t4/4lbs_in_1_week/
---
So I've been unintentionally doing intermittent fasting , this past week and hopped on the scale and I'm down 4 pounds. Which is great but I need to lose another ten...by bf is travelling cross country to visit me in a week. Ugh i can't stop thinking how disappointed he'll be when be sees me. I wish I could just be confident.

---

Does anyone hate when some things have horrible serving size metrics?
/u/r1cecream-
Created: Thu Jul 5 10:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wbvev/does_anyone_hate_when_some_things_have_horrible/
---
I'm not going to break out a scale and weigh what exactly 6oz is of this frozen bag of individual chicken pieces. Who comes up with stuff?

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“Stressed and your life falling apart? Let’s binge and make everything worse!!” <——my brain [rant/rave]
/u/mynormalheart
Created: Thu Jul 5 10:18:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wbqtr/stressed_and_your_life_falling_apart_lets_binge/
---
I’m between jobs right now so money is tight and so of course my dog has a medical emergency that costs a decent chunk of change I don’t really have. My car is old and has issues I’ve been ignoring. I’m on my parent’s health insurance but my birthday is coming up in the next few months and I won’t be allowed on their coverage any more.


I feel like everything is falling apart and I’m super stressed. All I want to do is binge because food is my comfort in times of stress, but I just got back in a good restricting regimen. Ughhhhhhh

---

[Other] discord verification
/u/cokezeroshill
Created: Thu Jul 5 10:18:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wbqra/discord_verification/
---
yo

---

How To Deal With Failure [SCIENCE]
/u/Puzzleheaded_Mind
Created: Thu Jul 5 10:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wbonv/how_to_deal_with_failure_science/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJ6OPuitLZU&feature=youtu.be

---

Photo editing: is it the devil or... (vent post)
/u/mynameislucaIlive
Created: Thu Jul 5 09:52:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wbj1m/photo_editing_is_it_the_devil_or_vent_post/
---
So last night I did a stupid thing and got drunk in a hotel room with a boy, which wasn’t hard cus empty stomach, and then we took some pictures of me. Well, I look like a whale in every single one, so once he sent them to me I reshaped them and now I see what I could potentially look like if I stop eating like a pig. But then I compare them with the originals and I see how different I made my body look and then I think maybe I’ll never look that way and then I get sad. And then I realize that I’ve made myself so skinny that the girl in the picture should be dead, but I can’t stop. There’s like 100 pictures and I can’t stop reshaping all of them.

---

[Discussion] anyone here overweight or obese?
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Thu Jul 5 09:35:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wbdxx/anyone_here_overweight_or_obese/
---
i always see very underwight people on here (which makes complete sense seeing that we are on an ED subreddit) but i wanted to know if there were people on the other side of the spectrum?
let’s bond over how people don’t find our eating disorders valid because of how much we weigh!

---

how you know you're getting bad again.png
/u/feellikegucci
Created: Thu Jul 5 09:15:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wb8f1/how_you_know_youre_getting_bad_againpng/
---
https://i.redd.it/m2t0m400c5811.jpg

---

relapses suck :(
/u/lessavauges
Created: Thu Jul 5 09:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wb70g/relapses_suck/
---
This has been a bad couple of months for me, all I've done is binge and gain weight :( I haven't weighed myself in a long time because I'm too scared to see the number. I think I'm relapsing though, and I'm moving out in a week, which should mean I'll be too poor to eat anything anyway hopefully haha

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[Rant/Rave] I know I've got problems around food, but so do other people, just on the other side of the spectrum.
/u/mu514
Created: Thu Jul 5 09:01:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wb4ct/i_know_ive_got_problems_around_food_but_so_do/
---
Okay so I know I've got problems around food too, but a hell of a lot of people can't seem to function without eating full meals or mindlessly snacking at least once every hour. Isn't that also unhealthy???

Like we don't need to be drowning in food at ALL times. How much food do you need?? Not THIS much, I'm sure.

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[Rant/Rave] "DiEt sOdA iS wOrSe fOr yOu"
/u/chicaflaca
Created: Thu Jul 5 09:01:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wb4bg/diet_soda_is_worse_for_you/
---
I celebrated with some of my coworkers last night and chose not to drink or smoke (and got teased by four different people, but that's not the point of my story.)

I brought two Diet Dr. Pepper cans to have during my shift and/or "meal" break. I saved one so decided to drink it during our little shindig. I told a former coworker how I was proud of myself for not drinking regular soda in over a month and Diet Dr. Pepper has helped me do so.

Then he fucking pulls out the "You know diet soda is worse for you?"

I just laughed and said "That's what people say."

Then he said "It's *scientifically proven.* It has more corn syrup."

Like...I pointed out the lack of sugar and calories but he was stuck. Pretty sure I was on the road to diabetes with my former soda drinking habits, but artificial sweeteners are *definitely* worse for you. Right.

/s

---

[Tip] Your favorite way to track calories?
/u/feelinupfatty
Created: Thu Jul 5 09:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wb3wh/your_favorite_way_to_track_calories/
---
This has probably been asked a million times. I haven't found an app I love and tend to do the old fashion pen and secret notebook. I cant just keep it in my head, too forgetful. Plus theres something about seeing it in writing for at least.

What's your favorite calorie tracking method?

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Feeling so low and ashamed of myself
/u/Ham_Hock_24
Created: Thu Jul 5 08:39:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8way1h/feeling_so_low_and_ashamed_of_myself/
---
This is my first post on this subreddit but I've lurked for years on my other account and I've never related to a community more. I just wanted to post for some support from people who understand because I'm feeling so low and ashamed.

I reached a depressing milestone: I'm back at my heaviest weight. I have been trying to restrict for the past 2 weeks ish but had been putting off weighing myself because I knew I wouldn't be able to accept it. For the past few months I've been binging constantly and feeling so out of control. So as of this morning the scales tell me I've gained 10 pounds (probably more initially as I've been restricting the past 2 weeks). In the past 2 weeks I've been doing relatively well (although eating at all feels like weakness and failure), and have been tracking my calories religiously but there are so many events around now - friends' birthdays, holidays abroad, work nights out. Even though I've been calorie counting (overestimating) and only eating half portions of what I order I still don't trust it and feel that maybe I'm actually eating at maintenance or worse. I can't believe my weight is so high. I just feel so trapped and panicked that I'm stuck in this form. I feel like I'm in a fat suit and everyone can see how disgusting and abnormal I am. Even if I lose those 10 pounds I gained I'm still going to be so far from what I want to be.

I've had 'disordered eating' for a long time I suppose but never considered myself as having an eating disorder because I'm not underweight and because even though I go through periods of restricting heavily, fasting, etc. those things are always broken up by 'normal eating' (secretly binging) in between. I have also never purged (I tried using laxatives and diuretics but have a real fear of vomiting and I can't bring myself to do it even at my lowest points).

If anyone read that, thanks very much. Even writing it out helped a small bit. I'm going to try to stick to my restricting, be a bit more strict with myself and see if I need to take more drastic steps if I don't start losing weight rapidly. I hope everyone else out there is doing ok <3

---

[Discussion] is anyone else's anxiety ruining their ability to restrict?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Thu Jul 5 08:24:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wau5b/is_anyone_elses_anxiety_ruining_their_ability_to/
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last night, i was tired (probably from eating <400 calories) and trying to go to bed but then i started thinking about death and that culminated in have a panic attack because i was worried i was gonna go to bed and not wake up. long story short, i ended up bingeing so that i wouldn't die and now i regret it and feel like shit. has anyone else experienced anything similar?

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[Rant/Rave] Boyfriends family sees what i dont
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Thu Jul 5 07:11:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wabpx/boyfriends_family_sees_what_i_dont/
---
Let me giving a little back story:

So a few months ago i started eating under 900 calories a day. Eventually i dropped to 700. Now im doing OMAD. Im down about 20 lbs.

Ive been binging alot and and now holding 3lbs of period water weight ( ive realized its pretty exact each month ).

At yesterdays 4th of July BBQ, EVERYONE commented on how slim ive gotten. This is the second family gathering this has happened but I FEEL LIKE IM A BLOATED MESS.

Thanks but u r wrong.

---

Asked my friend to get me coke zero cherry..
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Thu Jul 5 07:05:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8waa8f/asked_my_friend_to_get_me_coke_zero_cherry/
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He came back yesterday and said that they didn't have Zero Cherry, so he just brought a normal bottle instead. He put it away in my kitchen- I was super sad, knowing I wasn't gonna drink that.. today, I go to the fridge, and I see it's not normal Coke, it's Coke Zero!! Ahhhhh!!!!!!

It's sort of sad but I'm really fkn happy right now, I need my zero calorie drinks to get me through high restriction :')

---

[Rant/Rave] Lack of appetite + 7-8 hour shifts this week and 6 days of short shifts next week = weight loss, hopefully
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Thu Jul 5 06:57:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wa88p/lack_of_appetite_78_hour_shifts_this_week_and_6/
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I lost my appetite about 3 days ago and as a result I haven't been eating at work because what's the point I'm not hungry, I'll just drink some water and eat when I get home because it's super hot in the UK right now ya know? I don't know whether it was because the pancake muffin I went to eat three days ago had a speck of mold on it or the fybogel (my girlfriend thinks this might be the case). I'm on my feet a lot because I work at Next and while standing with a little bit of walking and stretching to reach clothes that hang too high for me for 6-7 hours a day doesn't burn loads of calories it's nice to think I might lose weight. I'm eating when I get home because my girlfriend will worry otherwise but I feel so strong not eating for over 8 hours despite being on my feet and moving round loads. I eat a cereal bar (or two rows of chocolate) in the morning to take my meds for bipolar, blood disorder and contraception but then not eating till I get home is amazing.

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[Rant/Rave] The normalization of binge eating pisses me off
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Thu Jul 5 06:43:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wa519/the_normalization_of_binge_eating_pisses_me_off/
---
Why do we think it's cute or edgy to eat an entire pizza by yourself? Realistically and healthily no one should eat an entire pizza by themselves. Yet thousands of likes and retweets on posts like these just prove that society thinks its normal and fun.

1. If I talk about restricting people will look at me like I'm crazy. But eating an entire pizza is okay? Both are extremes and not healthy behavior....
2. This post is literally only about thin girls. If a "fat" girl was eating an entire pizza, everyone would tell her she's fat and needs to watch what she eats. Yet a thin girl can eat an entire pizza and it's just edgy/funny/cute.

Why is binge eating so normalized ? I realize people who have strong binge eating problems might consume more than just one pizza, or maybe it won't be pizza or whatever. Just for the sake of this post. It pisses me off because no one ever takes eating disorders seriously.

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[Rant/Rave] I thought hitting my goal weight would be different..
/u/kelps-
Created: Thu Jul 5 06:32:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8wa2m4/i_thought_hitting_my_goal_weight_would_be/
---
I just hit my goal weight! It was an great feeling when I stepped on the scale and finally saw that number, but that happy feeling lasted for maybe like 5 minutes? I’m proud of myself for accomplishing my goal but I really thought I would feel and look a lot different. I thought I would finally like what I see in the mirror and be comfortable with myself, but I don’t. I still hate my body and I feel like I look the same as I do when I was 50 pounds heavier. Maybe I need to tone more, maybe I need a different weight goal..all I know is that I’ll probably never feel good enough. I just want to be happy but I don’t if there’s enough weight loss or antidepressants in the world to make that happen. I’m sorry for the pity party, I didn’t bring snacks. 🎉🎊

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support July 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jul 5 06:11:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w9y16/weekly_emotional_support_july_05_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jul 5 06:10:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w9xt0/daily_food_diary_july_05_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 05, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Discussion] Anyone else here have BPD?
/u/pinkmonacle
Created: Thu Jul 5 05:40:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w9rna/anyone_else_here_have_bpd/
---
Or any co morbid disorders? Interested to know.

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[Other] Feeling ~*subversive*~ today
/u/janesavage
Created: Thu Jul 5 04:57:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w9jfw/feeling_subversive_today/
---
https://i.redd.it/2uf9wpvv14811.jpg

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To Fast or Not to Fast
/u/asldkjf948
Created: Thu Jul 5 04:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w9imx/to_fast_or_not_to_fast/
---
I'm thinking about fasting tomorrow. My husband will be out with his friends for his birthday so it's a good opportunity to starve. My dilemma is that I've been doing pretty well with my calorie limit of 800 and I haven't successfully fasted in so long. I don't want to go back to my pattern of starving and binging and doing a little more binging than starving so I end up gaining weight but I really do want to speed up my weight loss since it's so ungodly slow.

Any thoughts or advice?

---

[Discussion] I miss my optimisim
/u/c_marier
Created: Thu Jul 5 04:33:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w9fdq/i_miss_my_optimisim/
---
Anyone else? When I first started disordered habits, I genuinely believed that reaching my goal would make me happier, prettier, people would like me more, I wouldn't hate my reflection anymore, clothing would look amazing on me, I'd be more successful, I'd have more energy, I'd be more athletic, etc. I actually believed it when I told myself that once I'm skinny, I'll be able to eat whatever I want because I'll just be maintaining at that point. I had this amazing future I was working toward.

Maybe it's just the difference of having an eating disorder in your teens vs your twenties. But now the same actions that used to make me feel powerful, in control, motivated, and beautiful instead make me feel futile, sad, and stuck. Of course that doesn't stop me, but it would be nice to *believe* in what I'm doing again, ya know?

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[Other] Colleague told me I would look "frail" if I lost any more
/u/nanaberries
Created: Thu Jul 5 04:31:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w9f1b/colleague_told_me_i_would_look_frail_if_i_lost/
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She said that I looked pretty good at where I was, and that if I lost anymore that I would look "frail.' And to be honest, that was the biggest motivator and compliment for me. Frail just sounds so good.

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[Help] Drinking
/u/narkreturn
Created: Thu Jul 5 04:01:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w99nu/drinking/
---
I’m drinking tomorrow night. What’s the lowest calorie alcohol that gets you really drunk? Also like What’s a good food to eat after drinking (so I sober up and don’t die) that isn’t too hefty in calories?
I was gonna eat nothing all day so I get drunk really fast and eat less

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[Discussion] DAE ravenously cook at night?
/u/imokayjustfine
Created: Thu Jul 5 03:51:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w97zy/dae_ravenously_cook_at_night/
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Is this an ED thing? So these past couple nights, I’ve sort of started doing a...thing, a new thing. A fucked up thing probably? Do any of you do it?

I can’t sleep. I want to binge. But instead I just bake and cook and basically torture myself with not being able to eat any of it because it’s the middle of the goddamn night.

But it makes me feel better somehow, and it’s like I’m? Testing my own willpower or something at the same time? Idk.

Like I feel stronger in being able to resist eating it, but the act of making it has become *almost* satisfying in its own way (even though I still WANT to eat it).

I don’t know. I don’t know if any of this makes sense. It’s 5:49 AM here. I haven’t slept and am now actually tired but need to stay up for at least another few minutes because I still have salmon in the oven. What the fuck.

W h at the fuck is this.

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I’m so proud of myself!!
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Thu Jul 5 03:14:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w91wp/im_so_proud_of_myself/
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So I’m doing my MA, and last term was really bad for me. My depression got bad again, and then I relapsed into all of this, restricted really heavily, lost 2 and a half stone really quickly, yada yada. It had a really negative impact on my ability to concentrate on my studies. Whenever I’d read I’d either be too tired and lethargic to take it in, or my mind would be racing through other ED-related things.

By the time it came to writing my three 5-6000 word essays for that term, apart from one of them which I’d written quite far in advance, I didn’t feel prepared at all. Both of the other two were written the night before they were due, and I felt like both of them were absolutely terrible.

I recently got my marks back, and they were all above the mark you need to get for a distinction! The two essays weren’t my best, but they were far from bad marks. Which means I’ve averaged what I needed to on my taught component to get a distinction, so I just need to get a distinction level mark on my dissertation in order to graduate with a top mark for my MA (at my uni you need to average a distinction on both the taught component and the distinction separately in order to get a distinction).

But that’s not the best news - I’ve just been offered an (unconditional) funded PhD position to start in September. Which is just amazing. I want to work in academia, but I honestly just thought I probably wasn’t good enough. I have a really esteemed academic on my doctoral panel too, and it’s just now sinking in that I’m doing the damn thing. I knew what I wanted to achieve by the end of this academic year in an ideal world, and I’m getting that.

I’m kind of raving about it on here because my partner’s going through some tough mental health shit, which has caused him some academic issues as he didn’t hand in a couple of essays and is waiting on a board decision on what’s going to be done (though it looks like he’ll just be given his average grade for them, as he’s already demonstrated he’s really capable). So even though he’s really happy for me, I feel like I can’t celebrate about this super hard until some of those things are resolved.

But yeah. Pretty ecstatic.

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I’ve hit a new low lol
/u/cafesitoconpan
Created: Thu Jul 5 03:13:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w91rk/ive_hit_a_new_low_lol/
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Shoutout to me for getting so drunk last night I puked in a sink and cleaned it up this morning with a kids cup 👌🏼I can’t purge for shit but I can get sick when I drink s lot so 🤷🏻‍♀️ is it wrong of me to be excited I ended up purging everything I binged at a party? Anyways, I feel like a fuck up cause I ended up in the restroom the rest of the night and didn’t get to see my crush at the party because of my dumbass but it doesn’t even matter cause he has a girlfriend and I’m not trying to be a home wrecker. Anyways I’m hungover n feel like death

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[Rant/Rave] Watching I Feel Pretty
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Thu Jul 5 02:42:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w8wqv/watching_i_feel_pretty/
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I haven't identified with a character (obviously before the blow to the head) since Bridget Jones diary.

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Restricted all week in preparation for my family visiting. I drank a bit today and ate like shit, but I don't hate myself for it! This feels so good :D
/u/AnAccidentSince1997
Created: Thu Jul 5 02:38:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w8w4p/restricted_all_week_in_preparation_for_my_family/
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Granted, I don't hate myself because I restricted for it, and I already know I'm going to restrict a lot when they leave, but not feeling like a piece of shit for it is a big improvement :)

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[Discussion] DAE notice how loud they are when walking & then make a conscious attempt to walk lighter?
/u/ewhelena
Created: Thu Jul 5 02:08:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w8rjw/dae_notice_how_loud_they_are_when_walking_then/
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for some reason in my head heavy footsteps = me being fat

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[Rant/Rave] im not pretty but i will be someday so im okay
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Thu Jul 5 02:06:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w8r9b/im_not_pretty_but_i_will_be_someday_so_im_okay/
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everything will be okay everything will fall into place

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[Intro] I don't belong anywhere
/u/SquareAsparagus
Created: Thu Jul 5 01:00:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w8fx2/i_dont_belong_anywhere/
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Hey, I feel like I finally wanted to share something, after reading this sub for more than a year... I'm stuck in a dark place and I can't get out.

Somewhat around last summer, I got diagnosed with AN and send to a therapist to help me find a ... solution for this "obvious problem". I was tired all the time, had no energy, food was war, but still I was proud about what I achieved and how much I lost. Then came the diagnosis... and I was just...so angry! Everybody thought I was sick all of a sudden! They congraluated me the one day, and "worried" the next! I was furious... and wanted to prove I'm not crazy. I ate and ate and blew up to ridiculous proportions (still "healthy" BMI, but I felt awfull). Whenever I look into the mirror, I'm basically the michelin man.

I stopped seeing my therapist and kind of fell into a hole... I don't know where I belong. I restrict again, exercise, I need to lose what clings onto me, fast. It's pulling me down into this...

I can't find the energy to tell somebody, I feel lost... I want to rip my skin off and show them I'm sick... but I don't think I am, really. I don't even know what I want...

I'm sorry for rambling. I hope I can belong here...

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[Discussion] Ive been struggling with an inability to cry.
/u/cas215
Created: Thu Jul 5 00:52:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w8eha/ive_been_struggling_with_an_inability_to_cry/
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I believe that its good to cry. And i often feel like I need to just sit down and have a good cry. I don’t know if its because I work so hard to repress my emotions or because im heartless but i haven’t been able to cry.
I just remembered that there are a few songs that help me really get my emotions out. Does anyone have any of those types of things? Songs or otherwise?
Best song for me: “A World Alone” by Lorde

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i dont fucking CARE about being healthy i just want to be thin
/u/biblicalirony
Created: Thu Jul 5 00:51:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w8e9z/i_dont_fucking_care_about_being_healthy_i_just/
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i dont care if it means restricting until i am on the physical verge of fainting, i just want to be able to go to school or look at photos of girls from instagram without feeling like absolute shit about myself. i dont want to be the girl that a guy can confide in but never confide about. i just want to feel loved but i cant.. be *that* right now when im this fucking fat. and god knows i'll feel the same way when i lose the fifty or so pounds i need to but at least it won't feel that way when i get external validation™ from ppl i dont even care about.

random personal anecdote no one will give a shit about but there's this girl ik from school and i remember seeing so much of myself in her mannerisms-wise and i KNOW i have no right to feel as entitled as i do now but she effortlessly made two of my closest friends - one who i had crushed on for a fucking year BOTH her within a few months. and ik that it's not just a matter of weight but i can't help but remember how unattractive and fat and repulsive i am when i see her.

i just want to be thin

i just want to be pretty

and fuck this ed for making me think that i cant be at least a little bit pretty until im as thin as i want to be but im just so tired of feeling like i have to try as hard as i do with like.. i dont even know. just *everything* man

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I have so much shit going on I feel so overwhelmed
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Wed Jul 4 23:46:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w82tf/i_have_so_much_shit_going_on_i_feel_so_overwhelmed/
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So like everybody here I’m trying to lose weight. While also trying to eat healthier and curb my sugar addiction. But also staying under 800 kcal/day. And studying for the SAT, learning a new language, working full time, juggling 4 summer assignments, trying to become a yoga girl, improving my mile time, finishing drivers ed and the online health class I’m taking and trying to get with this guy who *probably* doesn’t like me back and won’t no matter if I weigh 120 lbs or 100 lbs

I just fucking can’t I’ll never be the person I want to be

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[Discussion] DAE feel like people are constantly judging their food and drink orders?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Wed Jul 4 23:45:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w82np/dae_feel_like_people_are_constantly_judging_their/
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There’s a Starbucks at my work and I’m terrified to order anything there because I feel like the baristas are judging me for being extra and everyone else at my work is judging my drink choice. Usually I get around this by using the app but the one at my work isn’t on their system. Is this just me or does that stress other people out too?

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[Other] I almost pooped today
/u/cas215
Created: Wed Jul 4 23:21:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w7yd4/i_almost_pooped_today/
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W/o laxative. Thats all

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Purging fucking up your tongue?
/u/sadgab_
Created: Wed Jul 4 23:15:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w7x9k/purging_fucking_up_your_tongue/
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Has anyone else noticed your teeth and stomach acid messing up your tongue? My tongue has hurt all day and felt tingly like I've just eaten spicy food, and there are two little gashes on it that look like they mightve come from my teeth digging into it and then getting deeper because it got acid on top. Its super distracting and also makes it hard to eat (which isnt exactly a con lol) but has anyone else had this happen to them too??

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have you ever told somebody about your ED only to feel stupid immediately after doing so?
/u/look_it_me_lol
Created: Wed Jul 4 23:15:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w7x8f/have_you_ever_told_somebody_about_your_ed_only_to/
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i've gotten really close to people and mentioned it to them, not out of the blue, like "i have an ED" or anything. but they comment on my eating habits and i get really close to them, so i drop hints. finally it feels like i have to pull the curtain away and just admit to it. their responses showed that they cared, and maybe they came from a good place, but their responses only made me feel like "fuck, i never should have said anything". i get shit like "just eat a solid meal" or "you aren't taking a healthy approach to this". i really appreciate their attempt at support, i've just been trying to come to terms with my issues, so i want to talk about them, but now i just want to shut the fuck up again. ughhhhh

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[Other] I drew something? Let me know if this isn't allowed but it's kind of venty.
/u/planetarydisaster
Created: Wed Jul 4 22:54:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w7tev/i_drew_something_let_me_know_if_this_isnt_allowed/
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https://i.redd.it/dk2k0ij592811.png

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[Other] is anyone else like 2 seconds away from crying all the time
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Wed Jul 4 22:53:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w7t4h/is_anyone_else_like_2_seconds_away_from_crying/
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recently I start crying in random places. like walking to the grocery store, at work, just chilling on my phone.. I tear up. I’ll be ok one moment, then a second later I’m crying. I have no one to talk to. I want to smoke but it makes everything worse. alcohol has calories and it tastes bad

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the worst part about being able to feel your bones
/u/howunfortunate_
Created: Wed Jul 4 21:34:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w7dzu/the_worst_part_about_being_able_to_feel_your_bones/
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...is realizing they're fucking massive and you'll never fit in tiny clothes like your smaller framed peers, no matter how much you lose. that xs dress isnt for me. that cute s dress isnt for me either even if it fits my waist, just bc my massive hip bones/thighs are in the way and i cant fucking get it on in the first place. shirts? dont even get me started. fucking huge linebacker shoulders + boobs that wont fucking leave this disgusting body please god.

this is why i hate clothes shopping lmao how COULD i forget.

sorry for the negativity i just really wanted that dress and it was ONLY 10 DOLLARS. but they didnt carry any bigger. because thats what i am, very big :))

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[Discussion] What was the earliest unhealthy thought you had about your body
/u/Lemon_bird
Created: Wed Jul 4 21:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w7dyn/what_was_the_earliest_unhealthy_thought_you_had/
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Mine was looking into the mirror at 6 or 7 and asking my mom why my stomach stuck out so much. I also remember some time over the next few days staring at my friends flat stomach in her bikini ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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[Rant/Rave] ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: snacking habits reigned in A LOT
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Wed Jul 4 21:33:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w7ds9/achievement_unlocked_snacking_habits_reigned_in_a/
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I have a really bad habit I've always had since I was a kid -- it played a huge role in why I gained so much weight in the first place: I have no patience and snacking is something to DO when I'm bored

I finish drinks I buy at the store before I make it to my destination. I walk and binge (I buy donuts and at different points in a secluded walk, pull one out and eat it). I eat drive thru orders on the ride back. When I was a kid I would make MASSIVE pb&j sandwiches to eat *while waiting on lunch/dinner to finish cooking.*

Four times recently I did something new. I didn't eat the candy bar in the car. I waited until several hours later when we got home, and I split it with a friend. I saved a fudge square until I got home today. I just got back from the store and I had gotten 2 drinks because I thought I'd finish one before I got back but I didn't!!! And I didn't eat any of the food and shared the rice crisps I bought between a bunch of friends!! It's so nice to share sweets instead of eating them in secret lmao. And at a friend's house I had chips and hummus without over eating. I didn't even have a full serving of either. I logged everything too.

I'm just really excited I feel like I'm getting this under control. I walked 20mi yesterday and everything was beautiful, my deficit was INCREDIBLE, and I managed to fit in good food 😭😭😭 and someone I haven't seen in a year complimented my weight loss and said I looked incredible and so much better (I was obese and now I'm a healthy weight)

I've been so suicidal lately and this is just giving me such a huge boost

~Also someone please tell me life is worth waiting out these horrible dark pits I keep falling into lol~

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[Goal] what are your goal bra sizes?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Wed Jul 4 21:32:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w7dhk/what_are_your_goal_bra_sizes/
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i'm currently a 30D/32C and i want to be a 30/32B

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God, I LOVE water fasting! Not only for the benefits but for the fun days ...
/u/Cashmeresweateryay
Created: Wed Jul 4 21:08:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w78nq/god_i_love_water_fasting_not_only_for_the/
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I am a pretty good water faster. I typically go 5 days, easy. The best part about it is that I only eat when I have a social occasion & then I can let loose (within reason, but that’s easy to do bc my appetite is nil at that point in a fast.)

For example, tonight I went to a 4th of July party after a 5 day Water fast. I had 4 IPAs, and 3 veggie tacos. A generous estimate from my fitness pal is 1,700 cals. Let’s say I double it, just to be extra safe. That’s 3,400 cals — one pound.

But guess what? I just fasted 5 days and I’m back on the wagon tomorrow with a 9-10 day fast (depending on a work lunch.)

Fasting makes life so EASY! It’s like flipping a switch. Don’t eat, then eat when you have special occasions. Done!

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Anorexia prevalence in African-Americans
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Wed Jul 4 20:53:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w75i7/anorexia_prevalence_in_africanamericans/
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http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2003-08-25/news/0308250246_1_anorexia-nervosa-disorders-african-american

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Im happy my friend is fat...
/u/audreyhepburnwho
Created: Wed Jul 4 20:50:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w74wr/im_happy_my_friend_is_fat/
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I kinda feel terrible for what Im about to write but I figured this is a safe space to be truly honest.

A friend of mine used to be obese. She was only overweight when I met her but kept gaining while I struggled a lot to lose. During our college years she reached obesity and I reached overweight, despite constantly trying to lose ( yay yo-yoing). After college I moved out and now live very far away from her. That's when I started losing steadily. She at this point got weight loss surgery.

During the first year of us living far apart I finally successfully reached my goal, while she was losing extremely rapidly because of surgery. I had never felt competitive with her when it comes to weight, but I guess having her as the fat friend always made me feel better? SO when she started losing quickly it became very important to me to also lose quickly. It became motivational to me. I started obsessing about it and I would casually try to have her mention how much she'd lost so far and kept a mental note. I'd countdown until my next trip home to try to be as small as possible when I saw her. I planned outfits Id wear that best complimented me so I could show-off I guess. At her lowest, she was lighter than my highest. That to me meant that if I hadnt lost, we'd be the same or possibly she'd be smaller than me and I couldnt bear that thought. I never ever felt good about my body but at least I was always smaller than her and that was comforting.

That was 2 years ago. Fast forward to now, I gained a lot of that weight back. I stopped obsessing or even caring about her weightloss because she stalled and even regained a bit from her lowest, as normal weight loss patients do, and she stalled around my highest which Im still far from even after regaining, thank god.

Very soon Im coming home again which means Ill see her and I was already feeling kinda down because Im not smaller than I was the last time I was there... The last time I saw her, she looked a bit bigger. But as I said at this point I didnt bother about her size anymore (I 100&#37; would if she ever got skinny, but shes stalled at overweight, so its like I ont see her as competition anymore as long as she stays there lol). My plan had been to be again at goal by now but Im not. I had planned to wear these summer outfits and even a bikini but I feel like I cant.

I say I dont obsess with her weight anymore because I dont, I have no clue how much she weighs and I dont ask. However I do notice her mentioning not eating much here and there so I assumed she was losing again. Today she went shopping and sent me a picture from the dressing room. Holy shit, she regained. I think she's bigger than last time I saw her whichs means she's slowly regaining. And that made me feel great, and horrible for feeling that way at the same time. Im nowhere near my goal, nowhere near my lowest, but neither is she and I look about half her size.

Now, I do feel horrible, but here comes the thing that I guess makes it less bad?: she doesn't try. I swear, she never did. You know how people say having weight loss surgery is taking the easy way out? I never thought that until she had it. She was obese, and still never tried. I suffer from BED which is what got me to regain, but she doesnt. Ive been completely honest with her about my disordered behaviour and she doesnt relate to any of it. She just doesnt like to diet. Way before her surgery, I would invite her to go work out with me, because I wanted a buddy, she'd always go once, give up halfway and never return. I never asked her about her diet, it wasnt my place, but she knew when I was dieting (aka always). It wouldve been very easy for her to at least eat better when she was around me because when we were together I always went for healthy options, but she'd go out of her way to buy junk food, or full sized chocolate bars and eat them in once sitting in front of me. Let alone what she ate when she was alone.

After she had decided to have surgery and got approved I spent a week at her place and I had no idea how bad her eating was. She had all sorts of triggering junk food at her place and not a hint of a vegetable or a fruit or even protein. She'd eat pastries for breakfast, then snack on candy or chocolate until lunch, snack, dinner, snack, sleep. Rinse and repeat. She once told me she was eating really bad because she was saying goodbye to the foods she wouldnt have post-op.

After her surgery her loss was dramatic. She spent sometime at my place during the first months after surgery. AND SHE STILL ATE LIKE CRAP. Her eating didnt change in any way. Again, she went out of her way, and it wasnt binging, it was just all she ate. Like she was staying at my house and there were plenty of healthy options but she'd go out to buy something she'd like better. At this point I was restricting like crazy and she'd sit next to me eating a full on chocolate bar like it was nothing. And. Still. Losing. To the point of hitting my highest weight, which when I was there I was eating probably a fourth the amount of food she was. Surgery worked.

This is when I got obsessive/jealous about her surgery. It was too easy. SHe'd often brag about her weightloss and it pissed me off. I mean, proportionally, I had lost close to the same fat &#37;, but I didnt brag neither did I want to, neither did she comment on it. But she kept wanting people to compliment her loss and would be surprise when they didnt!!! She was still overweight but about 100 lbs lighter than before.

I was annoyed because, as I said, she never tried. Before surgery, her "diets" would mean including a salad at lunch. She never counted calories, never avoided carbs, and these are things she's said herself. If she had just cut on candy , which she eats between meals like you'd drink water, she would've lost a ton even without surgery.

So,yeah, I was happy when her progress stalled, and she finally joined the gym as her doctor had recommended a year before, and she finally started cutting back on sugar. Weight loss surgery has a rapid impact on the first year but your body keeps adapting and if you dont change your food habits youll regain. She always acted as if it was a magic permanent solution, didnt change shit about her habits and now she wasnt losing, she was regaining. She was a normal BMI person eating like she did when she was obese. She was finally getting a taste of what people actually go through to lose weight. She was super disappointed on how slow her progress was because she was used to losing 100lbs in 6 months like she did immediately post-op. SO she got lazy, changed her goal, and decided being overweight is worth the ability to eat crap. Thats fine by me! at least shes not bragging anymore about her loss.

So yeah, I gloated when I saw the pic she sent me today. She's about the same size she was when we were in college, pre-op, before she became obese, but much bigger than I ever was. I gloated that Im gonna feel skinny next to her when I see her in a few days.

I honestly think I wouldnt feel this way if it werent for some things she's said after her surgery. She knows about my ED, she knows my struggle, she doesnt relate to any of it. She doesnt have an ED , not even binge eating, she just doesnt restrict herself in the slightest. She's the type of person who drinks a regular soda instead of water when she's thirsty lol. Anyway, her constant bragging about her loss after surgery while still munching on chocolate in front of me (again, aware of my ED); her always mentioning how she was getting close to being my size, how she was no longer fatter than me, and that we could now share clothes; for a year or so she would fish for compliments and got upset when I didnt compliment her loss every time I saw her but she never complimented mine even thought it was very very hard earned; and still eating like crap wondering why shes regaining - all these things make me feel less guilty to admit that Im happy she's back to being fat, and Im back to being the skinny friend even though Im not near my goal. This just gave me huge motivation to keep going until I reach my lowest again, just so I can look even smaller than her... God Im awful I KNOW.

---

Eating disorders in American black men
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Wed Jul 4 20:46:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w746o/eating_disorders_in_american_black_men/
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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2625604/?page=1

I posted on peach that I want Netflix to make a movie about a straight black guy with an eating disorder
So I googled and found an excerpt from 1987 looking at the case of a 14 year old black male with an eating disorder
Thought it was interesting

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How did your ED progress into the depth it currently is?
/u/H5N1DidNothingWrong
Created: Wed Jul 4 20:36:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w7200/how_did_your_ed_progress_into_the_depth_it/
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I’m still in the healthy weight range but feeling like a whale. Struggling with self control on low cal / fasting days. How did your ED progress over time? did eating less ever get easier?

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how do you explain weight loss at the doctors? (looking for answers from teenagers specifically)
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Wed Jul 4 20:15:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w6xtz/how_do_you_explain_weight_loss_at_the_doctors/
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like when they take your weight and its like hey you've lost 25 pounds since last year and you're underweight now, what gives? how do you answer that

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[Help] Confronting sister about her ED while I struggle with my own
/u/clemintide
Created: Wed Jul 4 20:13:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w6xh0/confronting_sister_about_her_ed_while_i_struggle/
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It’s July Fourth dinner and everyone is sitting together. talking, me included since I’m trying to “get better.” By better I mean focus less on calories and more on the quality of my foods, since my disorder is very much driven by numbers. To friends and other family, they don’t see it, they don’t recognize it, but to me it pained me to sit there and watch my younger sister.

I’ve posted before about this but I had seen messages kept up on my family’s computer, my sister discussing her eating disorder with her friend. I was always suspicious of my sister and that just confirmed it. I kind of wish I hadn’t of found out.

For dinner, my sister avoided the burgers/hotdogs, pasta, potatoes, pie, all she ate was a bowl of spinach (no dressing!) a few pieces of watermelon, and she had a glass of water before and after her meal. For dessert everyone had pie. She had a piece of gum. Everyone sat at the table talking, she stood behind the counter in layers with her bowl of spinach. Keep in mind it’s nearing 100 degrees outside. I can already tell she’s thinning out more and it’s sickening for me to be aware of that because I know exactly how it feels/what she’s going through. I just wanna scream to her how obvious it is. I notice every single thing she does now.

Later on I ask her, “Why didn’t you want any pie?” She said, “I just didn’t.”
“But why?” She didn’t really answer. Few moments go by and I say, “Bowl of spinach, watermelon, sounds like a good dinner.”
She says, “I already had dinner earlier.” Lol classic lie. I asked her what and she stumbled over her words, like she had to think of what to say. She told me, “a sandwich and cereal.” Keep in mind this means she would’ve eaten dinner somewhere between 4-5pm since I had gotten home around 5 and she didn’t eat since. So it’s not like she would be too full for a family dinner anyway?? We ate around 8pm.

Before I left the room, I said to her, “You think I don’t know, but I know.” I left and we haven’t spoken since. I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just needed to vent somewhere because it pains me to watch this happen. Should I say something to our mother? I can’t just watch her get worse. I feel like even if I do regain some control over my own disorder, I feel like now I can’t recover because she needs to be recovered too. I don’t know how to explain it. I’m battling mine and it also feels like I’m battling hers.

---

teenagers of r/proed, how do you explain weight loss at the doctors?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Wed Jul 4 20:13:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w6xft/teenagers_of_rproed_how_do_you_explain_weight/
---
like when they take your weight and its like hey you've lost 25 pounds since last year and you're underweight, what gives? how do you answer that

---

[Other] Alcohol after 5 day fast?
/u/girlinapanic
Created: Wed Jul 4 19:38:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w6pnw/alcohol_after_5_day_fast/
---
Do I really need to eat anything first?
I know my tolerance will be way down but the thought of eating makes me sick in itself.
Experience and anecdotes anyone?

---

Missed my flight back home but the good news is now I can fast for another week :)
/u/Chunky-chunker
Created: Wed Jul 4 19:09:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w6jo6/missed_my_flight_back_home_but_the_good_news_is/
---
So just a quick backstory, I moved out of state to live with a guy when I was 18, a year and a bit later stuff got back and I had to move back. Both my parents have passed and my brother whilsr better used to be abusive. I didn't want to move back into my family home and so my highschool ex and best friend offered me the spare room until I worked things out.

Now, I always knew they didn't have the best eating habits but I'd never really loved with them and didn't realise how triggering it would be. There's literally always a massive bag of cookies that gets restocked every week or two. Typically cupcakes and donuts appear atleast once a week. Pizza/kfc on a Friday every. Week. I could go on but basically it's all my scare foods. I started having a binging problem real bad the month before I moved back, and so when I got back I was determined to complete an extended fast. So the first two weeks were great, no pressure to much I was allowed to be hauled up and moody and so the fasting went by and I felt accomplished. However I told them due to my diet I don't want them to include me in any dinners (the only fixed meal they really have)

This has lead to an uncomfortable degree of freedom there and no one really caring about what I eat. Sadly binging still occurred their and it was getting real disorganized. Fasting 1-2 days then 4000calories of junk the next. BTW yes my insides HATED me.

So queue my friend out of state invited me to a concert and to stay for 6 days. He knows abit about my disorderlyness and the binging so I told him I'd be fasting. He told his mum and all way cool minus one vodka lime and soda and a vodka redbull / occasionally low cal pre-workout (instead of a morning coffee) all has been great!

So I was meant to fly back yesterday but I'm notorious for being late to airports and missed bag check. This meant I'd have to buy a new ticket regardless... So remember that guy I moved out with in the beginning? Still into him and he was a 2 and a half train ride away... So I thought fuck it and now I'm here for a while until we pick a date for me to fly back.

So what's good about this? Well I was getting anxiety over going back as I don't know why but I felt I'd be at risk of binging. But now that I'm here already in the midst of a fast around a guy I want to find me attractive I'm very motivated to continue. He usually orders takeaway himself for a meal (like the only thing hell eat that day) and last night it was pizza. The smell of garlic bread and pizza was so delightful but I've recently discovered sometimes just smelling the food can be satisfying. Just gotta keep hydrated. So yeah it almost felt like a cheat getting to kiss pizza lips and not eat the pizza :)

Anyways just wanted to share this, ATM I'm thinking of flying back on Tuesday :) that'll leave me on 11 days and surely I can push it til next Monday. I've always wanted to do 21 days but over two weeks is still a successful goal :)

BTW I'm at a bmi of around 22 I think so I definitely have plenty of body fat to keep me sustained plus with a background of Keto my body understands fat adaption. Going to be a broth girl for the next few weeks after too. I'm really excited and hope I can stick to this. Then maybe I can finally go back to keeping my calories in check and being able to cook yummy Keto meals again! Plus the fasting is helping me quit smoking as it really messes up my tummy. Just really happy and excited ATM sorry if this is a massive post.

---

[Discussion] Weirdest things you've used as thinspo? Sorry this is really weird but ive started seeing cartoon characters as thinspo and now i just wanna be noodle from phase 3
/u/eighttorches
Created: Wed Jul 4 19:01:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w6hzz/weirdest_things_youve_used_as_thinspo_sorry_this/
---
https://i.redd.it/65yat2mj31811.png

---

[Rant/Rave] galaxy brain: being jealous of a ten year old girl whose bmi is probably 15
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Wed Jul 4 18:58:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w6hdi/galaxy_brain_being_jealous_of_a_ten_year_old_girl/
---
you’ve heard of being jealous of third graders (check), now get ready for me to talk about this girl i saw while i was working at the pool today!

i am not exaggerating. her bmi was probably 15, maybe 15.5. i did a double take when i saw her because she really is just a skeleton. her thighs were probably as thick as my forearms. her bony little KNEE was the widest part of her leg. her leg looked like this: =0= (but vertical obviously).

that’s TWO girls at my pool who look like this. the other one isn’t quite as skinny but she’s probably 12 and her legs are still really tiny.

meanwhile my 16 year old fatass self is sitting on the lifeguard chair, not exercising at all, barely 18 hours into a fast.

it kind of made me worry. no one is that skinny naturally. :/

---

“Wife material”
/u/caithaa
Created: Wed Jul 4 18:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w6dfq/wife_material/
---
A guy told me I was wife material today. I know it’s supposed to be a compliment, but for me it’s one of those hot vs. beautiful things. A guy told me I was “such wife material today.” It’s fucked up but all I could think about was oh, he doesn’t think I’m hot (aka he doesn’t think I’m skinny), just pretty.

I guess you really understand how fucked up you are when all you care about is if a guy thinks you’re skinny or not.

---

Y’all I’m frunk advice me!!!
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Wed Jul 4 18:37:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w6d10/yall_im_frunk_advice_me/
---
Hi everyone I had a few drunks a lot and now I ate too much and did a purge. I’ll be waking up at 8.15am for my morning run and then continuing as almost normal.

BUT J NEED YOGR HELP

Because I ate a lot this evening when drinking I need help in cutting back tomorrow. I really need advice on how to remain full and focussed in the office. I normally have 220 cal breakfast but I’m cutting it to 175, and lunch to 75. Depending on how I feel maybe shove a kiwi or nectarine in there...

PLEASS MOTIVATE ME. I literally only have 2-3kg (let’s say 5lb) to go. Help me get there!! Lots of love!❤️❤️❤️❤️

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate how my body looks from the waist up.
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Wed Jul 4 18:31:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w6bsk/i_hate_how_my_body_looks_from_the_waist_up/
---
So, yeah. My thighs, calves, and butt all look great thanks to my self-professed “cardio bunny” status.

My arms and stomach still jiggle/bounce, not to mention how awful my back looks thanks to back fat. The stretch marks on my arms are fading to a translucent color, but they’re still pretty deep. I just want my upper body to match my legs in a good way.

---

[Other] Binging is my first response to anything bad happening in my life. [other]
/u/mynormalheart
Created: Wed Jul 4 18:17:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w68sh/binging_is_my_first_response_to_anything_bad/
---
My dog broke one of his teeth while being the little psycho that he is. Well, apparently it’s one of the absolute *worst* teeth to damage in a dog and it’s going to cost me upwards of $3000 to fix it. I don’t have that kind of money and I’m between jobs right now. I know I’ll find some way to pay it, but now it’s stressing me out big time.


All I want to do is binge. Which sucks because I just got back into restricting and I don’t need this right now. I hate that my first response whenever something bad happens is to binge.

---

[Help] Americans, please help, what’s your vegan safe foods?
/u/ladytulips
Created: Wed Jul 4 18:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w67ei/americans_please_help_whats_your_vegan_safe_foods/
---
I’m going on a road trip in America starting tomorrow, and i’m realizing that I don’t have any safe foods, and i don’t know what to get, like cheap things at the grocery store. I’m going with friends who doesn’t know I have an eating disorder, so I don’t want to spend to much time reading labels and stuff so they get suspicious.. any people from America here who have some decent vegan foods that are safe??

---

I may have him beat...
/u/themoonlaluna
Created: Wed Jul 4 18:08:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w66r3/i_may_have_him_beat/
---
https://i.redd.it/ospsypw2u0811.jpg

---

To those of us who won’t be restricting today
/u/nathasaproblem
Created: Wed Jul 4 17:53:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w63m2/to_those_of_us_who_wont_be_restricting_today/
---
I told myself that I wouldn’t restrict today. I’ve had some tater tots. I ordered a cheese steak for dinner. I’m trying not to panic because I can’t well not eat while I’m with my family members, one of whom is recovering and would just know. I feel bad about myself and I’m not even over budget. I’m determined to let myself eat and drink “normally” even though I’ll want to eat nothing tomorrow. We made this decision. It’s okay. We won’t gain any fat from one day of eating “normally”, and let’s be real, probably still less than normal. We’ll be okay. We can be back to business tomorrow. We’ll be okay.

---

What’s your GW? And why?
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Wed Jul 4 17:34:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5zfs/whats_your_gw_and_why/
---
I’m 5’7 and my UGW is 104 lbs. It just... feels right to me. And is probably the lowest I can go without my mom freaking out. 14 lbs to go :/

---

Anybody else not really know how tall they are?
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Wed Jul 4 17:15:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5vj0/anybody_else_not_really_know_how_tall_they_are/
---
I don’t really want to tbh. I’ve been taller than my mom (5’5.5”) for 2 years and I haven’t really measured myself since. For BMI purposes I use 5’7 but I could be anywhere from 5’5.75” to 5’8 tbh

---

Holy shit! I'll let you know how it tastes
/u/SasssyFrass
Created: Wed Jul 4 17:02:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5sl8/holy_shit_ill_let_you_know_how_it_tastes/
---
https://i.redd.it/j60wm2z8i0811.jpg

---

[Other] ana coach anyone?
/u/thingrave
Created: Wed Jul 4 16:47:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5pgz/ana_coach_anyone/
---
https://i.redd.it/m87mcc6of0811.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] How long have you had disordered eating / an eating disorder?
/u/hiruth
Created: Wed Jul 4 16:45:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5p0g/how_long_have_you_had_disordered_eating_an_eating/
---
I remember being seven years old and looking in the mirror, punching my thighs because I thought that they were too big.

I remember crying at age 10 because my hands looked too pudgy and I was embarrassed to show my arms in my school uniform.

I remember being 12 and starting to take pills to suppress my appetite. I would eat one snickers bar, a snack bag of chexmix, a nature valley bar, and bowl of applesauce a week. Nothing more, nothing less.

I remember getting compliments on my weight or body, and thinking it was pity or a cruel joke. I remember having to go to therapy and trying so hard to just stay quiet. I remember my friends getting really concerned and trying to make me eat, even making me food and bringing it to school for me.

I remember being 13 and coming home so tired and week from not eating and just collapsing until dance class where my instructor would tell us all to make sure we were keeping our bodies slender and beautiful. We needed to make sure our muscles didn’t get bulky or we didn’t get too much excess fat on our bodies.

I remember being 14 and being called thunder thighs in my cheerleading uniform, so I sabotaged my relationship with the other girls to get kicked off the squad without being obviously insecure.

I remember being 16 and purging in the bathroom after dinner, taking laxatives daily, and using a million and one different diet fads.

I remember being 17 and thinking I was recovered because I gained some weight and started eating “healthy” aka keto and obsessive calorie counting...

Now I’m in my 20s and never imagined that I’d still be throwing up to feel like I could breathe again.

Never thought I’d still be crying over the fat on my wrists, the fullness of my cheeks, or the size of my stomach after I eat.

Never thought I’d still be gripping the toilet bowl, worrying about running out of laxatives, filling my fridge with coke zero and celery, my pantry with canned tuna and mustard.

Never thought I’d still be like this and that my body size would still be holding me back from agreeing to plans with my friends, from going on adventures and doing the cool stuff I finally have the money and time and freedom to do.

Never thought I’d still be crying over not being able to live out my fantasies of crawling out of this and cutting off my excess fat.

I don’t think this will end until I’m at my goal weight... which ironically is the weight I was when I first started restricting.

---

Weight changes drastically throughout the week while eating the same amount of calories?
/u/hiruth
Created: Wed Jul 4 16:26:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5kjc/weight_changes_drastically_throughout_the_week/
---
I consistently restrict to around 800 calories.

Why is my weight fluctuating so much? I went up four pounds and back down two then back up the majorly down... etc.

I also have had a lot of bloating lately and I am just wondering if anyone else experienced this kind of thing...

Some hours my pants are tight and then they fit fine and then they’re tight again.

It’s terrifying. I hate thinking I’m okay and doing better weight wise and then it shoots back up within a few hours.

---

[Rant/Rave] Happy Independence from hot dogs Day!!
/u/SqueegeeOujia
Created: Wed Jul 4 16:20:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5jbj/happy_independence_from_hot_dogs_day/
---
I thought I was going to successfully avoid 4th of July food pressure because I didn’t make any plans to do anything... I was wrong!! My boyfriend was badly craving hot dogs tonight and plead with me to spend some time with him, so my compromise was grocery shopping and then hiding in the bedroom with vodka while he ate 4 hot dogs (over 900 calories because he bought the highest calorie weenies he could find) It’s only 5 and I can barely keep my head up straight because hungry and now because vodka I’ve earned the alcohol calories it’s fine I’m not crying!!! If I make it through the night without eating a sad cold uncooked weenie doused in mustard I have really celebrated this holiday right!!

---

Hair loss at what point?
/u/li_hu_sh
Created: Wed Jul 4 16:17:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5ih5/hair_loss_at_what_point/
---
Hi all, I’ve recently been restricting to 900 calories a day, for about a week now. Normally I ate 1200-1300 calories a day. My stats are 5’2” and 123 lbs. How severe was your restriction when your hair fell out? I am terrified of my hair falling out but I want to get lower calories/day count. My duet is mostly protein and fruits, and minimal carbs (if I do eat carbs it’s;whole wheat, brown rice, skinnypop popcorn).

So TLDR: what number of cals a day should I eat at minimum to avoid hair loss?

---

[Help] My friends might now know that I purge, what do I do?
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Wed Jul 4 15:53:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5cqv/my_friends_might_now_know_that_i_purge_what_do_i/
---
I just purged and now I'm just sitting in front of the toilet laughing at the mess I've become. But also, I've made some very self-depriacting jokes to my friends about it without actually saying that I purged (and they couldn't have guessed it bc it really wasn't that clear or anything) but apparently I went so far one of them asked me: well, what's wrong then? And I panicked, literally said 'I have just done some very stupid shit that I am very ashamed of and now I'm laughing my ass off about it to prevent having a mental breakdown about it' and that's it. Everyone read it about 5 minutes ago, no one said anything. I'm scared one of them knows exactly what I'm talking about because she knows I purge.

So in conclusion, HELP what do I do?

---

i hate dressing rooms!!!
/u/juptiers
Created: Wed Jul 4 15:51:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5c6v/i_hate_dressing_rooms/
---
rant// i went shopping with my grandma yesterday and absolutely nothing fit right, it was mortifying. all the dressing rooms are so small and weirdly lit and i nearly started crying in half of them. i hate my body and i just want to be beautiful. why can’t everything just magically fit???????

---

[Help] Will 800 cals a day affect my growth? Help!
/u/kindascaredandhangry
Created: Wed Jul 4 15:47:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5bcq/will_800_cals_a_day_affect_my_growth_help/
---
Hi, lurker here, just made a throwaway for this. Dunno if this is the right sub for this but I'll give it a shot.

I'm 13, 5'2, ~110 lbs. GW: ~95 lbs?

Okay, I don't know if I have a legit eating disorder (not underweight yet), but I saw a lot of you guys also eat extra low amounts of calories too so I thought you guys might help me??

I eat about ~850 cals a day (used to do 1200 but figured that's too slow). I read a lot of diet subs and I see a ton of posts saying teens shouldn't go below 1600 or else it'll affect mental and physical growth... is this true? I don't want my puberty to be stunted because I look like a fr*cking boy rn, but I also wanna lose weight. I think my TDEE is about ~1600 or ~1500 so it's basically impossible for me to lose weight on 1600 calories a day. Help!!! What should I do? I don't wanna be fat but I also still wanna have a normal puberty and actually look feminine!

[PS: on mobile, idk how to flair :P]

---

[Discussion] Would anyone else rather eat a minuscule portion of "regular food" than a large portion of "ED-fied" food?
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Wed Jul 4 15:46:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w5az1/would_anyone_else_rather_eat_a_minuscule_portion/
---
I haven't eaten pasta, pizza, sandwiches, muffins, or cake in *months* but I also have never found the idea of shiritaki, rice cake pizzas, or bagel thin sandwiches appetizing at all.

If I want pizza one day, I would rather just buy one slice and take it home instead of eating 200cal of rice cake pizzas.

I am not prone to binges, but I understand how this is not doable for a lot of people. I'm not trying to invalidate other alternatives, because I definitely do eat weird stuff in substitution of higher calorie stuff too. I guess I just don't get nearly as much satisfaction from most popular ED-fied alternatives.

I would rather do a 48 hour fast and eat 800 cals of "real" pasta than shiritaki with low call tomato sauce.

I was just wondering if anyone else does this? Sometimes I feel "less disordered" for doing this, then I realize that fasting for two days before eating toast is still considered disordered lol.

---

An ode to carbs
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Wed Jul 4 15:29:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w56qc/an_ode_to_carbs/
---
Carbs.

A five letter word

With five hundred calories

Why does it feel so unfair

That the calories can't be transfered

Into tasteless celeries

And have bread at 20 calories a slice

Swap the goodness of a carrot stick into the sweet savory of rice

Garlic bread, crisp and fries

I pray to the skies

For a guilt free unplanned binge

And not feel the pounds that make me cringe

Why must I feel so guilty for eating granola

A sweet snack masquerading as a health food

With almost 600 calories in a bowl

I could eat all day if I was in the mood

Brownies, cakes and a pie

Just a taste, I'd hear myself lie

But I lack self control (and respect)

To stop when I start, my body is wrecked.

But if bread could be healthy

Then I could be too

I'd eat toasties all day

And not spit when I chew


I'd keep it all down

And pat my swollen belly with glee

If bread had no macros

And was calorie free

But alas it is not, and it just isn't worth

To binge on biscuits, thought I'd move heaven and earth

To relax in my bed with a cream filled iced bun

And not gain a pound, and not have to run

But until the day that science advances

I must resist the food of my fancies

I'll stick with my rice cakes, and they will have to do

Brownies, cakes and a pie

Just a taste, I'd hear myself lie

But I lack self control (and respect)

To stop when I start, my body is wrecked.

But if bread could be healthy

Then I could be too

I'd eat toasties all day

And not spit when I chew


I'd keep it all down

And pat my swollen belly with glee

If bread had no macros

And was calorie free


But alas it is not, and it just isn't worth

To binge on biscuits, thought I'd move heaven and earth

To relax in my bed with a cream filled iced bun

And not gain a pound, and not have to run

But until the day that science advances

I must resist the food of my fancies

I'll stick with my rice cakes, and they will have to do

Until bread has less calories, cause it has quite a few.

---

An ode to carbs (was bored and hungry on the bus)
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Wed Jul 4 15:25:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w55xn/an_ode_to_carbs_was_bored_and_hungry_on_the_bus/
---
Carbs.
A five letter word
With five hundred calories
Why does it feel so unfair
That the calories can't be transfered
Into tasteless celeries
And have bread at 20 calories a slice
Swap the goodness of a carrot stick into the sweet savory of rice
Garlic bread, crisp and fries
I pray to the skies
For a guilt free unplanned binge
And not feel the pounds that make me cringe
Why must I feel so guilty for eating granola
A sweet snack masquerading as a health food
With almost 600 calories in a bowl
I could eat all day if I was in the mood
Brownies, cakes and a pie
Just a taste, I'd hear myself lie
But I lack self control (and respect)
To stop when I start, my body is wrecked.

But if bread could be healthy
Then I could be too
I'd eat toasties all day
And not spit when I chew

I'd keep it all down
And pat my swollen belly with glee
If bread had no macros
And was calorie free

But alas it is not, and it just isn't worth
To binge on biscuits, thought I'd move heaven and earth
To relax in my bed with a cream filled iced bun
And not gain a pound, and not have to run

But until the day that science advances
I must resist the food of my fancies
I'll stick with my rice cakes, and they will have to do

---

[Rant/Rave] the teen anorexia recovery community on instagram are triggering me to shit!! can i get some comfort
/u/acosed
Created: Wed Jul 4 15:06:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w50od/the_teen_anorexia_recovery_community_on_instagram/
---
there are so many that eat as little as i did when i was restricting and say theyre in recovery and its just. painful

but like the biggest thing that really really upsets me
is their lw's????
like so many of them have lw's of <40kg and it makes me want to give up on recovery and lose until im below that point.
and its probably? to do with the fact that its 99% teenagers with a lot of them being 13-15??? (im 18 and developed AN at 18) but it fucks me up can i get some reassurance please fml

---

just had the smallest, most satisfying binge ever
/u/Zefuyne
Created: Wed Jul 4 14:59:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w4yvi/just_had_the_smallest_most_satisfying_binge_ever/
---
i dont even feel too fucking fat lol

it was liike 1900

compared to my 4k-10ks

checkers large fries 600

stacker caramel cheesecake 460

snickers ice cream bar 300

lots of milky drink + veggies which would put me at 1900

yesssssssssss also cancelling doctors appt tho bc i dont want to be weighed

---

I'm making a small realistic goal instead of "okay, today I am cured from binging and will lose weight continuously" fantasy... sigh
/u/throwawaytodayokc
Created: Wed Jul 4 14:59:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w4yv6/im_making_a_small_realistic_goal_instead_of_okay/
---
Alright. So I'm writing here to make my goal "written down". I will reduce my b/p episodes to half the time if I end up b/p.


Which means, I'm going to stop binging NOW since I've already had like 4000-5000 calories. I don't need to keep going just because I usually am lazy and will keep going. Going to purge now. No point in procrastinating, I need to do it anyway.

---

Comments that made my day
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Wed Jul 4 14:50:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w4wj3/comments_that_made_my_day/
---
I've been having a tough time lately. I'm doing uni 9 till until 4 every day then going straight to my job as a chef in a busy restaurant until 11 ish. I then work 13 hours a day on weekends. I've been on around 400-600 calories a day and I've been burning around 500 a day through my job and all the walking. I'm back to a 18 bmi which has been my goal since Christmas. My goal now is 17.

Anyway I've fallen behind in my uni work and I've barley eaten through stress. I live off soya lattes. I've lost so many lbs in the past two weeks. I sometimes go three days without eating. And people have started to notice. I got a message off a wonderful friend on my course (I posted about her recently in a comment, she's like my goal and looks like an actual Disney princess with the personality to match).

She messaged me all her work to help me. And then added "make sure you feed yourself tonight at work and not just the customers xxxx" and its made my day. I didn't realise how noticeable my weight loss was. I haven't told her I have a disorder. She just must have noticed how stressed I am and how much I've lost. Her message has made my entire week better. She is just so kind. It's people like that who always stand out in life and I will always remember her small kind gestures.

---

[Other] Keep kicking ass
/u/spacekookiyo
Created: Wed Jul 4 14:47:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w4vor/keep_kicking_ass/
---
Someone told me last night: “Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it because you’re kicking ass!”

Starving myself to death? Oh yeah, I’ll keep that going. ✌🏽 Guess I’m good at it.

---

İm so fat İ want to kill myself ASAP
/u/Stazmultiverses
Created: Wed Jul 4 14:26:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w4q5r/im_so_fat_i_want_to_kill_myself_asap/
---
https://i.redd.it/n2z6k2qcqz711.jpg

---

Anybody else waiting for a Woosh?
/u/PerfctBodyPerfctSoul
Created: Wed Jul 4 14:20:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w4ooa/anybody_else_waiting_for_a_woosh/
---
It's driving me *mad*. I hit my current goal weight last week, but haven't stopped restricting. Been under 800 for the last week, which I know is high, but meh. On Saturday I took a "break" from very limited eating options, and had two glasses of white wine, tortilla chips and queso dip, and one small no bake cookie (and that was my total for the day). So probably higher in sodium than anything else. Went up to 2lbs the following day. HAS NOT CHANGED SINCE. Every god damn day since Sunday it's been 132.5lbs. every fucking day.

I want to pull my hair out. Anybody else going nuts over a non existent Woosh?

---

Today is just gonna be one of the days, huh?
/u/laurawrs
Created: Wed Jul 4 14:05:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w4ke3/today_is_just_gonna_be_one_of_the_days_huh/
---
Something about "holidays" means "over eat" for America.

I'm staying at my boyfriends and his parents surprised us with chick fil a breakfast (MY FAVE) but i've been trying to fast in the mornings to cut calories. And I'm sure there will be some cook out later on and everyones gonna have so many sweets and now im pissed because I ate so early in the day...

Just a bucket full of ugh.

---

I hate fourth of july
/u/janienicesocks
Created: Wed Jul 4 14:02:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w4jnc/i_hate_fourth_of_july/
---
I always binge today because it's fucking expecting for the most part to have or go to a party and be confronted with all the smells and if you don't eat their barbeque or whatever it's considered rude.

My family always goes to a party and I get anxious thinking about how people would react if I told them no thanks, I don't want to eat, so I just go and fuck myself up again. And yes I want to socialize but it sucks because almost every social interaction involves food. And I haven't hung out with anyone because 1) I'm ashamed to show them what I look like and 2) there's always food there and where I'm from it's considered bad manners to not eat at someones house. Fml

---

[Discussion] I had a mental breakdown after purging this morning,fml
/u/cryingboi65
Created: Wed Jul 4 13:16:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w47nz/i_had_a_mental_breakdown_after_purging_this/
---
So after eating something hella small and not really worth purging over I had a panic attack over it and purged anyways,tfw I do this both because I think I'm fat and and it's a coping mechanism for my anxiety. *dabs in starvation*

---

[Rant/Rave] being the thin one
/u/styroprincess
Created: Wed Jul 4 12:49:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w40h9/being_the_thin_one/
---
i feel even more confused than when this began. i'm visiting my mom's side of the family, who triggered my ed to develop in the first place. when it began i was heavily binging/purging three times a day every day. my SO has helped me mostly kick that habit and i only restrict now.

i'm seeing them for the first time in months and i feel entirely lost. from the second i got here all they can talk about is my weight and what i'm eating. my sister, grandma, and mom have all pinched my waist, sides, and hipbones saying i'm bony and thin. my grandfather commented on my thighs saying i'm "awfully skinny". even my little sister, who is way too young to be exposed to this culture and has always been a stick, said my arms are tiny, my body is tiny, and she wants to be skinny like me.

i have so many mixed feelings over this. it gives me this rush i never knew growing up chubby and slightly overweight. moving away from them, at my new school people didn't call me thick or comment on how big my ass was. they just thought i was skinny, small. i never want to get rid of this feeling but the attention worries me. i don't want my eating or my weight to be so publicized and for others to make assumptions about what i do to stay "so small". yet i still want to lose and be "officially" an anorexic, i've been so close to being underweight for too long and i feel like it's within my reach 😰

this is all so messy. part of me wants to not pore over comments or glances or what other people are thinking so i can enjoy my body. the other part is giddy over the fact that i'm the skinny girl, that the clothes my sister gave me when i first relapsed are too loose to fit, that my body is a focal point of how people perceive me. i hate this stupid disease.... why couldn't i just have been thin in the first place :(

---

There is NO freaking way kpop idols don't have an ED like wat lol
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Wed Jul 4 12:21:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w3t5g/there_is_no_freaking_way_kpop_idols_dont_have_an/
---
just saying like how

---

[Rant/Rave] Frustration
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Wed Jul 4 12:18:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w3sie/frustration/
---
I cannot post stats because I'm on mobile, I'm sorry. I'm currently 5'2 95lbs. About two or so weeks ago I hit a LW of 90. I was doing SO well, you guys. I had been stuck at 95 for 4 months. I felt so accomplished. So proud of myself. And then, I RUINED ALL OF IT.

I've been so fucking stressed out lately. Usually stress causes me to not eat. Between family problems, work problems, being a bridesmaid in a wedding, financial issues, and having an upcoming doctor's appointment, I gained weight and have been binging like C R A Z Y.

I really worked so hard to get to 90 lbs and I just went and gained it all back. I'm so sad I feel like crying. My yearly exam at my doctor is tomorrow. I don't even want to step on that scale. At first, I was worried my doctor would be concerned about me being 90 lbs and suspect my ED (I am not trying to recover) but now I don't even know how to feel. I'm still dreading going to the doctor but I also feel like a whale.

Also I binged like an idiot last night because I was celebrating my boyfriends birthday which is today. I made him a cake (which I didn't inend on eating) and ate so much. I also binged on ice cream, chips, popcorn, and cereal. So I'm incredibly bloated today. I'm trying to not eat.

):

---

[Other] What I’ve been working on? (Yeah but my art lessons are great I can paint this kind of shit and no one really suspects a thing)(oh yeah and the theme was surrealism)
/u/psydorable
Created: Wed Jul 4 12:04:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w3ols/what_ive_been_working_on_yeah_but_my_art_lessons/
---
https://i.redd.it/ze4ntnd51z711.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] a kidney infection sent me to the ER as i was about to break my fast lol
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Wed Jul 4 11:56:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w3m6i/a_kidney_infection_sent_me_to_the_er_as_i_was/
---
so i was just about to start preparing my first and only meal of the day when i noticed i started developing some stomach and back pain. i initially thought it was just bloating because my digestive system is screwed anyway. eventually i had to abandon my almost ready food and lay down because standing became unbearable. the pain got intense soo fast and i started getting nauseous, but i was still convinced it was nothing plus i was real pissed it happened right before i was going to eat lol.

anyway it took 3 hours of my SO trying to convince me to go with him to the ER before i gave in and by the time we were driving i was going batshit crazy. i have NEVER experienced pain so acute, oh my lord. it felt like i was being stabbed in my stomach and back, i was crying and unable to speak. i was also extremely sick and threw up several times.

thankfully i got started on some fluids and painkillers fairly quickly and received some antibiotics as soon as my tests confirmed that it was a kidney infection. now its the next day and i'm feeling better for the most part. im looking forward to taking advantage of this unexpectedly large caloric deficit later, but i'm still mad about the timing of it all. :l

---

[Rant/Rave] Fuck the fourth of july
/u/damnbitchimfatasf
Created: Wed Jul 4 11:46:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w3jkk/fuck_the_fourth_of_july/
---
My mom cooled this whole feast for the fourth of july but I am not hungry at alllll. For some reason the smell is filling me up enough and I'm pretty fucking nauseous.

But if I refuse she'll start screaming at me about how ungrateful I am and disrepectful and I really don't wanna hear that right now.

Fmlll. I hate holidays

---

I feel guilty about the food before I even eat it!
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Wed Jul 4 11:34:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w3fyy/i_feel_guilty_about_the_food_before_i_even_eat_it/
---
It so annoying. I walk around the grocery store just staring at things or reading the label without picking anything out. I must look crazy.

---

[Discussion] independence day support thread
/u/painxiety
Created: Wed Jul 4 11:26:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w3dxc/independence_day_support_thread/
---
post here to get out all of your frustrations of an american holiday celebrated the american way: food, alcohol, and blowing things up.


me personally? i'm hiding in the pool, politely sipping my diet coke watching the beer, potato chips and dip being passed around. it looks and smells amazing but i am saving my calories for a small scoop of ice cream and some spiked sparkling seltzer tonight.

---

[Help] Does anyone else have a hard time getting the first meal in?
/u/remmyowlbean
Created: Wed Jul 4 11:05:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w3808/does_anyone_else_have_a_hard_time_getting_the/
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It’s currently 1pm where I am, and I still haven’t eaten. I’m starving, but I know once I eat, I’ll have a lot of trouble not binging.

Does anyone else struggle with that or have tips on how to get that first meal in?

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Boyfriend of 8 years is breaking up with me
/u/jnlh93
Created: Wed Jul 4 11:05:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w37xx/boyfriend_of_8_years_is_breaking_up_with_me/
---
I'm gutted and feel so alone

On the bright side, all I need to do if I get hungry is think about how he doesn't love me anymore, isn't going to try to fix our relationship, and I'm clearly repulsive.

Silver linings???

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't care anymore
/u/Mukbangs
Created: Wed Jul 4 11:00:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w36l9/i_dont_care_anymore/
---
I was at my "ideal" ugw weight for months. I still felt massive and huge. I would do anything to go back, I can't believe I took advantage of that time period, I would be basking in it's glory right now if I was that weight again.

On the "downside," it nearly killed me and sent me to the hospital for weeks. I been discharged for a few months now. I gained A LOT of weight from my medications, excess water in my organs, heavy bloating from my failed organs, etc.
I thought the weight would be gone by now, but it's like my body is against me now. If I don't eat all three hefty meals daily (I was lucky if I was eating 300cals a day in the past), my organs automatically begin to feel like they're shutting down again.
My body hates me. I can't afford another trip to the hospital, my body can't survive this again. My doctors warned me. For a while, I was okay with it. Eating again. But I looked at my body today. I never had really body issues (developed an ED for other reasons) and today's the first time I've genuinly felt repulsed by it.

I no longer care if my organs shut down again and kill me. I can't even workout, because of my organs anymore. I can't keep living like this! I'm going back to my old ways even if actually does harm me. I give up. I'm dissapointed in myself for letting my ED get to the point of me caring more about it than my physical health and wellbeing. But I'm accepting it now. It's ruined every other aspect of my life so it only makes since that this would be the next stage.

---

I feel like this belongs here today. Happy 4th!
/u/BronArianwyn
Created: Wed Jul 4 10:57:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w35nx/i_feel_like_this_belongs_here_today_happy_4th/
---
https://www.youtube.com/attribution_link?a=38R310Q1mq8&u=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DO-W5i5f3u00%26feature%3Dshare

---

does anyone else want to be able to fit into everything from brandy melville?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Wed Jul 4 10:55:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w354i/does_anyone_else_want_to_be_able_to_fit_into/
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like i can fit into most of their stuff but the pants and a couple shirts are just too small so it's kind of my goal to be able to go there and not have to worry about something not fitting. also does anyone else use their instagram as thinspo?

---

Naproxen and No Food?
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Wed Jul 4 10:41:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w312a/naproxen_and_no_food/
---
What happens if you take Naproxen(a shit ton of aleve) without food?

---

[Rant/Rave] What have I done?
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Wed Jul 4 10:38:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w3095/what_have_i_done/
---
I just lit a cigarette.

I quit smoking almost 7 years ago.

I smoked a couple 3 years ago in a drunken blackout the night my dad died.

I quit drinking 2 years ago.

My ED has grown beachball sized lady-nuts the past couple of months.


FML

---

I can see my collarbones?!!!?!!??!??
/u/nikolas-heck
Created: Wed Jul 4 10:35:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w2zg9/i_can_see_my_collarbones/
---
I couldn't tell if I was really losing weight or not and I looked in the mirror last night and I can see my collarbones!?! I think I'm at my lightest since like 6th grade ^-^

---

[Other] Sometimes I'm sad that this is the only community that I've ever felt I belonged in.
/u/aprilfades
Created: Wed Jul 4 10:09:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w2s3y/sometimes_im_sad_that_this_is_the_only_community/
---
Sometimes I read posts in other subs, mainly creative ones, saying "I finally found a community I feel like I belong in!" And it kind of sucks that for me, that community is about this disorder that makes me suffer so much.

Yet, it's still nice to know I'm not suffering alone. Love to all of you ♥️

---

[Rant/Rave] Why is binging more socially acceptable to talk about than restricting?
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh
Created: Wed Jul 4 09:50:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w2mv2/why_is_binging_more_socially_acceptable_to_talk/
---
I see people in “healthy” subreddits talking about binging all the time and it just seems so socially acceptable. But I know if I mentioned that I eat 500-1200 calories every other day everyone would lose their shit.


Whyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!?!???????!!!??!


Ok I’m done. I guess I just wanted to vent.

---

Can I eat watermelon for every meal and lose weight?
/u/InversionDink
Created: Wed Jul 4 09:33:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w2i8z/can_i_eat_watermelon_for_every_meal_and_lose/
---
It's so filling and yummy, almost like it's too good to be true. I need some experts to help me out here :) thanks !!!

---

[Discussion] Exercises? Motivation?
/u/Shibo_Kitsune
Created: Wed Jul 4 09:22:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w2fck/exercises_motivation/
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Hi all! I was wondering if anyone has any tips on how to stay motivated with exercising and which exercises do you use?
I've always only restricted and purged (currently at 600 cals a day and scared to go under due to dizzy spells etc) I've never been able to stick to exercising but now really want to because my weight loss has slowed down A LOT and I'm trying to stay away from purging this time although I'm getting tempted into my old ways now.
Any ideas appreciated thanks guys/gals

---

Question
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Wed Jul 4 09:20:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w2et7/question/
---
Am i the only one with an eating disorder who isn't really depressed? I feel like a fake because I'm not suicidal, I don't self harm and I'm pretty "happy" majority of the time. I don't like my body and I've always had issues with food but that's about it.

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[Rant/Rave] Even my body tells me to stop eating, yet here I am.
/u/officialrogersmith
Created: Wed Jul 4 09:14:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w2d6x/even_my_body_tells_me_to_stop_eating_yet_here_i_am/
---
This entire thing might be slightly tmi, but I need to get this out. To me: 19, German, 169cm & 57kg

I just found out I'm lactose intolerant. Hasn't been confirmed by a doctor yet, but I've been having symptoms for over a year now but couldn't figure out what I was reacting to, partly due to laziness and partly due to me eating so much all the time that I could never be sure.
Well, tmi, but today I had grapes for breakfast, no symptoms and a couple hours later a 500ml coffee milkshake. 15mins later and I have to hurry to get home to my toilet, go figure.

This paired with my slight acid reflux and it's like even my body is telling me to put down the damn fork. (Or spoon. Or HAND.)
Maybe my subconscious has finally found a voice through making my body literally reject food. All those years of her suffering while I gorge on everything I can get my hands on must've done that.

Well, at least now that I know what food causes my symptoms I might be able to cut them out of my diet.

---

My boyfriend broke up with me and I lost 12 pounds
/u/naiajoy
Created: Wed Jul 4 08:08:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w1wd3/my_boyfriend_broke_up_with_me_and_i_lost_12_pounds/
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My boyfriend broke up with me and I’m just so dead inside. We were so in love with each other and I’m still in love with him but he couldn’t deal with how manipulative I was. I messed up and lost the best person in my life. The fucked up part is I’m not even happy about losing the weight. He was the only person who ever made me feel truly beautiful and now I know no matter how skinny I get he will never take me back

---

No matter what I do, I cant tell Ive lost weight?
/u/bbbrista
Created: Wed Jul 4 07:52:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w1sdn/no_matter_what_i_do_i_cant_tell_ive_lost_weight/
---
Admittedly I started at a very high weight (200) but Ive lost 38.8 pounds (down to 160.2) in the last 4 months but I cant tell a difference. Everyone around me has told me its noticable Ive lost a lot, but me? I cant see it. I know old, smaller clothes are fitting me now that didnt before, but I cant /see/ a difference in my body. I feel like I look exactly the same. Its kind of infuriating. I even look back at the few progress pictures I took and see no difference. I cant tell if its because every time I see myself I hate my hips instantly or just my whole body (trans guy) I dont want to jump to conclusions, but is it insane of me to think this might be body dysmorphia? Given Ive gone from an obsese bmi to a normal one in such a short time, I feel like I should see something if my brain was normal?

---

[Goal] What are some of your non weight goals?
/u/High_as_red
Created: Wed Jul 4 07:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w1pac/what_are_some_of_your_non_weight_goals/
---

---

[Help] I literally cannot get back on track for the life of me.
/u/teahontas
Created: Wed Jul 4 07:35:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w1obf/i_literally_cannot_get_back_on_track_for_the_life/
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I was doing really good. It was like a solid month of OMAD/vegan. I could literally feel the healthy changes in my body. But then my boyfriend stopped his diet and decided he was going to eat anything and everything he wanted which dragged me down into the rabbit hole with him. I don’t eat all day at work, no problem. But when I get off work, we get high, it’s just binge binge binge. I need it to stop!

---

[Discussion] Post the stores you want to buy from when you hit GW!
/u/WaitingForHealing
Created: Wed Jul 4 07:21:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w1lbw/post_the_stores_you_want_to_buy_from_when_you_hit/
---
I am saving up so I can buy an entirely new wardrobe at my ugw. I’m aiming for $1,000. I want a really nice and cute wardrobe. Clearly I have a lot of time to save since I still have so much to lose... I also want to go to Japan after my ugw and buy clothes there.

I want to go to:

* Forever 21
* Charolette Russe
* Urban Outfitters
* Anthropology
* H&M
* Hottopic!!!
* Eggie (I just saw a YouTuber wearing them on Instagram... so their ad worked. Lol)

And ya... When I want to over eat I like to shop online and add stuff to my basket or look at skinny girls...

---

Has anyone lost significant weight through pure restriction?
/u/kittens_mittenss
Created: Wed Jul 4 06:36:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w1bhb/has_anyone_lost_significant_weight_through_pure/
---
Hey everyone, new subscriber here! Basically, I'm super lazy. I'm sure depression is playing a part, but I have no desire to exercise. Like zilch. It's probably a dumb question, but I want to lose about 25 lbs...is this possible purely through restriction?

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jul 4 06:11:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w16ea/daily_food_diary_july_04_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 04, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

Just joined peach!
/u/HonestRaspberry
Created: Wed Jul 4 06:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w16dg/just_joined_peach/
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I'm HonestRaspberry. I'm not quite sure how to use it? Is it just like posting status only? Feel use to add me !

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[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday July 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jul 4 06:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w169p/way_to_go_wednesday_july_04_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for July 04, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Discussion] Anyone else’s ED “cure” their alcoholism?
/u/JSC2011
Created: Wed Jul 4 05:35:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w0yzh/anyone_elses_ed_cure_their_alcoholism/
---
I used to drink a lot to cope with the stress of my life. I’m talking like a bottle of wine a night/ shots of rum until I passed out. I would restrict calories during the day so I could save them to drink them in the evening. I would also binge after my drinking and then purge and blame it on being too drunk.

My restricting finally ramped up that I just couldn’t bear to consume the calories that alcohol has so I’ve been sober for over a month. People actually have commented on the fact that I only order water or Diet Coke when I go out for drinks. People praise me for my self control. And I guess, maybe it’s a good thing. At least I’m no longer an alcoholic on top of all this stuff.

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[Help] How safe would it be to go a week only drinking lo-carb monster energy?
/u/paleyellowgoddess
Created: Wed Jul 4 05:07:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w0tqr/how_safe_would_it_be_to_go_a_week_only_drinking/
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And water obviously but the only other substance being that specific monster. Would this end out well?

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[Help] my boyfriend triggers me without knowing
/u/shewhomustnotbenxmed
Created: Wed Jul 4 05:04:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w0t6f/my_boyfriend_triggers_me_without_knowing/
---
my boyfriend is super fit and has an insane love for working out. his abs are beyond defined and his legs are so toned and muscular and it triggers me so much. i feel too fat to be with him and i feel like people judge me for being bigger than him when we’re out or take pictures together. it’s not that big of a difference since i’m not overweight and look “healthy” (i hate that word) but obviously i don’t have any muscle or definition where he looks like someone’s personal trainer. his ex girlfriend had anorexia also so i’m scared he might pick up on ‘the signs’ and confront me. i have no idea what to do, please help.

---

The slippery metric slope
/u/Melusedek
Created: Wed Jul 4 04:17:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w0kzx/the_slippery_metric_slope/
---
The problem with using kgs is that it makes it so easy to justify/rationalise going lower. 119 lbs -> 115 lbs seems like a lot, but 54.1 -> 52.3 is like barely anything. And from 52.3 it's not to far from a nice, even 50 (110 to the Americans).

Any other Americans abroad have a similar line of thinking?

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else a professional chef?
/u/pickles023
Created: Wed Jul 4 04:03:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w0iaw/is_anyone_else_a_professional_chef/
---
I’m a personal chef for a family of four, and it’s the best/worst thing ever. I only cook for them once a week (it’s all portioned out and then refrigerated) and it’s so much food.

Is anyone else a chef? How do you deal with it?

---

[Help] Question about BMR/Metabolism bc I'm bad at understanding all of it:
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Wed Jul 4 02:16:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8w00oe/question_about_bmrmetabolism_bc_im_bad_at/
---
Hey guys. So here's my question: If you eat a very, very low number of calories (let's say 150 or under) a day would your metabolism slow down *so much* that it would actually prevent you from losing weight/fat? I've heard people say this is true and then some say it is not. Would love a more clear answer! Thank you :)

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[Help] Alone and Bored with Food
/u/UselessProtractor
Created: Wed Jul 4 00:53:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vzlcn/alone_and_bored_with_food/
---
So I'm house sitting for the next week and a half. I'm completely alone and I'm fighting so hard not to just fast the entire time since no one is watching me. I'm in recovery so I know it's a stupid idea but jeez I miss restricting so much....but I want to keep the muscles I've worked so hard for!

---

Greys Anatomy Episode
/u/adjustyourinsides
Created: Wed Jul 4 00:43:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vzjcz/greys_anatomy_episode/
---
Im rewatching greys anatomy. First time since i was in school and remember calling my friend cryyyying when (erm SPOILER ALERT???)


Dennys died.
Anyways, seven episodes in “Self Destruct”. The girl goes to mexico and get her stomach stapled. WHILE A HEALTHY BMI. Like is this a thing???
I would get this if this was possible for me.
Probably would just drink all my calories anyways.
Currently at 275 calories and 1 million they dont count cuz their whiskey calories that i dont fucking want to know the math ok fuck.

---

[Discussion] Is anyone here physically unable to exercise?
/u/Laucy
Created: Wed Jul 4 00:25:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vzfy0/is_anyone_here_physically_unable_to_exercise/
---
As the title suggests!

I ask (and for some background) because I think one of the reasons why I even developed an eating disorder was because I felt afraid I’d gain weight I wouldn’t be able to exercise off, thus I started to restrict. I continue to have this fear, too.

My physical disabilities makes it harder to work out and only puts further strain on my joints, heart, and other systems that are unable to function normally, while increasing chronic pain I already have. I used to be able to if light, but because my conditions are degenerative (connective tissue disorder) and time has since passed, I can no longer risk it.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and/or found a way around this? If you’ve found there is an alternative that can still provide weight loss/burn calories, but safely?
Or if anyone relates, maybe if you want to also discuss your own experiences!
Thank you.

---

How do you dress during the summer?
/u/finnkat
Created: Wed Jul 4 00:24:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vzfu2/how_do_you_dress_during_the_summer/
---
My usual wardrobe is sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I've been looking for more summery clothes so when I go visit my dad this summer I won't overheat when we go out and do things, but I look bad in literally everything. I hate my knees and my thighs are flabby but I feel like if I find some shorts that look even descent on me I could forgive that. I love high-waisted shorts but I look like shit in any top I pair with them, I have really broad shoulders, a bloated tummy, zero hips and zero ass so everything just looks bad on me. Too tight and my stomach sticks out like I have a baby bump and my shoulders make me look like a linebacker. Too loose and I look like a box with stick legs. Some dresses work but my dad lives in the midwest where it's always windy and I've learned the hard way not to wear dresses or skirts there unless you want everyone to see everything. It seems like a lot of people in this sub have a hard time finding clothes they like so what have you guys found that you like to wear for summer?

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[Help] I want to get help, but I'm not thin enough.
/u/PM-MEYOURDICKPICS
Created: Wed Jul 4 00:07:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vzcgf/i_want_to_get_help_but_im_not_thin_enough/
---
My ED has gotten bad again, the lowest point was when I was 12, then 16, then I was fine from 17-18 then my freshman year of college (18.5/19) it was bad again. Then my sophomore year was mild (I saw a therapist and nutritionist)


Now I'm 20 and it's been bad again, I've been restricting, crying over calories, bingeing (no purging yet) and the best part is my parents don't care. I didn't eat for 2 days because I told them "I ate too much yesterday" and all the said was "oh, okay"


I'm clearly too fat for recovery (this isn't my BDD speaking, I'm too fat. I'm too fat to be seen in public and too fat to be taken seriously if I said I had BDD) so what's the point?

I don't want to recover until I'm actually thin.

---

[Thinspo] Thoughts on thinspo
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Wed Jul 4 00:03:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vzbt5/thoughts_on_thinspo/
---
I’m a thinspoholic
I have albums and albums on imgur and my camera roll on my phone rn is no, like if anyone looked through my pictures I would immediately drop dead of embarrassment. So yeah I like accumulating thinspo

But I don’t really think I agree with having thinspo on this sub, like back before thinspo Tuesday was a thing I would post thinspo albums here. But thinking about it I think it can be harmful to people on this sub.

Just wondering other people’s thoughts are with having thinspo on this sub

---

[Discussion] dae mix up their words and letters more often now
/u/dimensionwitch
Created: Tue Jul 3 23:59:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vzaxh/dae_mix_up_their_words_and_letters_more_often_now/
---
Did anyone end up developing a speech or writing problem for example i'll be saying pinge instead of binge

---

Former Anorexic-Now Obese
/u/navisemk
Created: Tue Jul 3 23:24:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vz40l/former_anorexicnow_obese/
---
Who is God, anyway?

Curve ball, right!? I was raised Lutheran. God begot Jesus and through him all sins are forgiven, etc.

Will I face flak for this? I am convinced the shadow I see when I puke is the true devil. I thought that when I was 13.

I can note that only happy things happen in my life when I am thin. Fat I s like an off-season for an athlete.

From the little I have seen, I know I’m not the only one....But, what do I do? Is there any comfort that knowledgeable people are working toward a solution?

---

What's your height, weight, and calves size?
/u/lonelyperson111
Created: Tue Jul 3 23:04:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vyzoh/whats_your_height_weight_and_calves_size/
---

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[Rant/Rave] overwhelming thoughts?
/u/emileanbean
Created: Tue Jul 3 22:25:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vyrma/overwhelming_thoughts/
---
this will probably not make any sense.

since living with my partner, over the last several months i’ve been recovering on a regular eating schedule, skipping meals here and there. nothing major...and i’ve gained weight. 25lbs actually.
recently i caught my partner cheating on me with their exes.. and that’s not the only thing they did.
i feel like my weight gain is the reason that they did this, maybe they lost attraction to me? maybe i’m too big to love now?
even though this isn’t their first time doing this to me, i always find a reason to blame myself instead of them.
but for some reason it’s harder to accept it this time. i’m unhappy with myself and i have these horrible horrible thoughts in my head constantly. it’s gotten to the point where i even think about who they’ve been with in the past and compare myself to them. i do this until i’m in a puddle of tears.
i need to lose this weight and i need to lose it now. i will do everything in my power to lose it.

---

has anyone here tried drinking salt water?
/u/patriotsfan4life
Created: Tue Jul 3 21:46:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vyj5w/has_anyone_here_tried_drinking_salt_water/
---
I heard a tablespoon or two of sea salt dissolved in a glass of water can help keep your electrolytes in balance. this would be pretty useful considering it's cheap, easy to make, and would prevent dizziness during fasts. the question is, have any of you tried it? if so, how effective is it?

I've heard that salt water can make you pee/poop a lot... which may not be a bad thing (hey, anything to drop a few extra pounds lol). if that comes as a side effect, that's even better.

---

[Rant/Rave] Hello restricting and compulsive exercising, my old friend
/u/skinnycatholic
Created: Tue Jul 3 21:17:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vycyo/hello_restricting_and_compulsive_exercising_my/
---
Posted a little while ago about my out of control life and seemingly never ending job search. Well finally my dad told me that I don't need to be so worried about it and that God is always in control, like when the time is right, the right job will fall in my lap. And I'm actually super religious and I very much believe that God has got me and everything will be fine, but now I'm like, well can't I get a job and be skinny too? I've already lost a few pounds and I'm craving more. Honestly I'm not even that unhappy, but past experience tells me that will come the further I fall down the rabbit hole. Butttt I just wanna fall a little deeper.

---

when you lost weight or were at your lowest weight, was/did your SO become more attracted to you?
/u/FitTaste
Created: Tue Jul 3 21:12:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vybth/when_you_lost_weight_or_were_at_your_lowest/
---
need to make him like me again lol

---

[Discussion] Any success with EC stacking?
/u/cookiedoughbabe
Created: Tue Jul 3 21:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vybjd/any_success_with_ec_stacking/
---
Just bought Bronkaid but I was wondering if you guys have had any success with it.

How much weight have you lost while EC stacking? And how long did it take you to lose that?

---

[Rant/Rave] I’m so sick that eating 1500 cals for the first time in weeks is giving me a massive panic attack
/u/palestmoonlight666
Created: Tue Jul 3 20:58:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vy8nh/im_so_sick_that_eating_1500_cals_for_the_first/
---
I’ve been >600 cals for three weeks and I’ve lost 15lbs. I feel better than I have in such a long time and although I’m nowhere near my gw, I’m still pleased with what progress I’ve made thus far.

But today, I ate so much. Way too much. Two veggie burgers, two big chocolate chip cookies, an Oreo cone with no ice cream, tons of veggie straws, half a block of tofu with spinach, Italian ice. Ugh.

I feel like crap. I know I’m going to wake up tomorrow bloated, gross and 5lbs heavier. I’ve already purged twice this week and I don’t want to again. I was sore for days after my last purge.

I feel like I binge eat prior to important days, like the 4th of July, or before I’m seeing someone I want to look good for. I have no problem restricting for myself, but it feels almost like I’m subconsciously self-sabotaging myself. DAE feel this way / do this? Bleh. I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening if you made this far.

---

Myproana “fixed”
/u/Theredcheesecake
Created: Tue Jul 3 20:26:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vy1n4/myproana_fixed/
---
“Admin”, aka “the community team” (wat) just made a post on mpa saying that they made some changes. I also see people talking about notifications.

Do we know what happened? I already moved to pancake, but this is sooooo bizarre.

---

What I would give for an ED restaurant
/u/bunnyalert
Created: Tue Jul 3 20:20:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vy0d6/what_i_would_give_for_an_ed_restaurant/
---
Imagine a safe place you could be in public, where you could eat food and be around other people, but everything would be safe.

The menu includes tea, coffee, diet soda, plates of veggies and low cal dipping sauces, shirataki noodles prepared well, low cal fruits like watermelon, and higher cal but small options like a single piece of toast, fage, and so on. There’s a bar where you can get shots and low cal cocktails like gin and diet tonics. Maybe there’s another room where people who want to eat higher calorie foods can do so without triggering other people.

There’d be WiFi and cozy armchairs with blankets and lots of books and board games to distract people from food. Pretty fresh flowers on the tables.

This is where I am in mind tonight, to distract from all of the food I want to put inside my already overweight and struggling body.

---

The never-ending ED... part 2/3
/u/ohcrapitsmyface
Created: Tue Jul 3 19:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vxucl/the_neverending_ed_part_23/
---
You can read my first post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8voseg/introduction_of_sorts_maybe_you_all_can_relate/).

So there I was in May 2008 at 118 pounds (5'4"). Graduation was a happy time for me. I was so beyond thrilled to seek a new beginning in college and leave high school behind. I only stayed friends with two people from high school (this will be important for part 3)... the rest of them were toxic. Of course, I was too, in my own way.

Over the summer, I did my very best to remain mentally healthy. I would ask my best guy friend all the time "do I look fat... does it look like I've gained weight?" to which he'd always respond "no." I continued on with therapy and came up with a plan for college to stay healthy.

When I entered my university, it was like a breath of fresh air that saved my life. My past didn't matter. I could start over and be anyone. I didn't have people remembering me as the "skinny girl." I absolutely thrived. I joined a service sorority, took up a double major in English and Psychology, and then decided to minor in Chemistry for the hell of it. I met my best friends and learned that I was SO MUCH MORE than a skinny girl... I could DO so much more than be skinny. I was happy for the first time. **Here's the key... I no longer felt like everything around me was out of control**. I didn't have to deal with the after-effects of my parents' divorce. It sounds cliche, but I had the world at my feet. I could control my grades. I could control my dorm and my eventual apartment. I could control my work schedule and my class schedule. It was so freeing.

Considering I was actually happy, I stopped worrying about my weight. There was a solid 2 1/2 years in which I didn't care. I didn't track. I didn't exercise compulsively.

But then owed my father an obligatory visit. Have you ever seen Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? If so, remember Carmen? That was literally me. I'd put on some weight. My dad was living in Charleston (literally same suburb that Carmen's father lived in). He re-married a very southern-bless-your-heart skinny blonde type of woman. She had a perfectly skinny blonde daughter and a blonde son. And then there was me. I felt like a total stranger. It had been a long time since I visited my dad - 4 years.

As soon as I entered the house, his wife greeted me with "wow, you have changed so much! You look ... SO HEALTHY." I instantly felt sick to my stomach. I already had tons of anxiety. I was at the end of my junior year in college and trying to figure out the next step. Once again, I felt out of control.

I put my bags in my room and headed to the bathroom. I stepped on a scale for the first time since my freshman year of college. I almost fainted. Guys... I weighed 170 pounds. I thought it was a joke. There was NO WAY.

I had to lose the weight. I decided to compromise with myself and aim for 130 pounds. An actual healthy weight (and not in the "omg you look so healthy" way) in which I could still feel comfortable. On the flip side, I didn't give myself a very realistic timeline. I vowed to lose 40 pounds in 9 weeks.

Hello, EDNOS! Technically, I didn't fit the description for anorexia. My periods were present, I wasn't underweight, and while I restricted, I maintained about 1200 cal per day. However, I made it my second job to be at the gym. I would burn literally 3000-4000 cal a day by running mile after mile. I went to the gym for two hours in the morning and two hours in the evening. I started to ditch my friends and lie about my plans. I'd say I was working... and I was. ED victims are great liars. I never purged, only because I can't stand being sick to my stomach.

Mission accomplished. I lost 42 pounds in 9 weeks.

And I felt okay. I felt like I didn't necessarily need to lose any more weight. But this time frame also correlated with my plan for post-grad coming to fruition. I'd already been accepted into several graduate schools based on early decision. School was definitely my thing, so I decided it was best to go earn a Masters degree. Once again, I was in control.

And then I met my husband...

Part 3/3 coming soon.

---

if you've lost your period, what was your bmi when you lost it?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Tue Jul 3 19:16:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vxluv/if_youve_lost_your_period_what_was_your_bmi_when/
---

---

my bf is one of those “forget to eat” types
/u/lomgboi
Created: Tue Jul 3 19:10:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vxkfz/my_bf_is_one_of_those_forget_to_eat_types/
---
it’s 9 pm here, my boyfriend has been up since noon and he has not even eaten anything and I’m so jealous

finally just now he’s like hmm I’m hungry I’ll just make some cereal

I’m just sad bc he always forgets to eat and I’m like lol give me all the food always

---

[Other] Criminal offenses
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Tue Jul 3 18:55:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vxgyp/criminal_offenses/
---
https://i.redd.it/neijk2rgxt711.png

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[Rant/Rave] I told my BF about my ED... he caught me trying to restrict today
/u/malificentbeauty
Created: Tue Jul 3 18:44:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vxe9u/i_told_my_bf_about_my_ed_he_caught_me_trying_to/
---
I told my boyfriend about how I’ve struggled with an eating disorder, and I’ve been trying to restrict more since I haven’t been around him as much and he’s moving to Seattle soon so I was going to finally be able to eat how I wanted. Well I’m visiting his family for the fourth and he asked me what I was going to do for dinner, and I replied I was going to have a miracle noodle meal (which btw are bomb). He kind of paused and said “wait, you had x this morning, y this afternoon, there’s no way you’ve broken 1000 today.” And I was like “oh has it really been that little? I hadn’t noticed.” And he immediately saw through my BS and was like you need to eat more and not bullshit me and so I promised I would. So I did eat more and still only ate 950 today which I’m fine with and he thinks I ate 1200. I mean I ate 1200 yesterday so if anything today just evens it out. I hate lying to him, I’m going to just try to eat maintenance while I’m with him and then keep low restricting when I get back home. Hopefully I reach my goal by the time we move in together and everything will be fine. How do you all keep this from your SOs?

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[Discussion] Routine for when you’re done eating
/u/iceboxxxxx
Created: Tue Jul 3 18:43:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vxe11/routine_for_when_youre_done_eating/
---
Do you guys have a routine to signify you’re done eating for the day/night? Sometimes I brush my teeth or have a tea 🍵 but sometimes I don’t...just curious what other people do

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I didn’t realize I had an ED
/u/gamefrump
Created: Tue Jul 3 18:24:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vx9k1/i_didnt_realize_i_had_an_ed/
---
Back in middle school, I had a rough time with my body image- obviously, like, who doesn’t. It was also this period of time where I began developing my depression and anxiety. It probably started around 7th grade, the binging.

I would consistently stay up past 2am just eating for hours. I’d sneak food into my room and store in my closet, but it wouldn’t stay for long, ‘cause I’d like, eat it, duh. It got worse during the summer when I had more time alone. I’d eat cartons of ice cream in under 30 minutes and would just shove food in my mouth. Bags of chips would be missing from the pantry and my parents would get suspicious.

I feel so dumb that I didn’t realize it until now, but obviously something was wrong. Like, I wasn’t just doing it for fun. It was really a coping mechanism for my depression and the stress I felt to fit in. But of course, the weight I gained caused me not to fit in even more and the eating just got worse. I hated myself every day for consuming so much, and the disgust for my body was extremely unhealthy. I still feel this disgust, the I’ve stopped the binging for the most part. It’s not nearly as bad. Although, it’s easy to fall back into it again, which has happened a few times. I’m trying my best every day to get better.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm tired of having a weak will!
/u/clownentine
Created: Tue Jul 3 18:08:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vx5md/im_tired_of_having_a_weak_will/
---
I always start off the day with coffee, and then I don't eat until between 2-4 and then it's just downhill from there. I've tried waiting until dinner but I end up eating more than I should and then a lot of sweets, and dinner is never truly healthy either. always a lot of meat, pasta, oil, grossness.

speaking of sweets, my mom won't stop buying them! it's like they mock me until I cave and eat. I've even asked her to stop buying cookies and chocolate granola bars (which we *all* know arent healthy at ALL) but she just replies with "but I *neeeeddddd* chocolate!" if she "needed" chocolate, she could just leave it in her room or something and not put it on display.

I just wanna stop eating so much everyday, I know I go over at least 1,000 calories everyday but I'm tired of it. I wish I lived alone or something, at least then I could control what I eat better. I just feel so fat, I'm overweight (at least 10lbs) and I feel like a failure for not losing it. I wish I had a stronger will, I wish I wasn't so bad at something so simplistic! all I gotta do is just not eat fatty junk food and yet here I am.

I've already ruined today, I knew I was going to the second I got up, I didn't even count the calories cause I was so ashamed of myself. I'm so tired of this fat on my body, I wish I could just cut it off!

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Tired of slipping up, I need to regain discipline.
/u/billionsofatoms
Created: Tue Jul 3 17:36:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vwxzm/tired_of_slipping_up_i_need_to_regain_discipline/
---
So here's a pointless rant.

I haven't been active here for a while. I was doing so well when being active here, then screwed up, had binge ~~days~~ weeks, likely gained weight lately, so stats are not accurate anymore.
I cannot bring myself to put my fat ass on a scale right now, I'd be way too disappointed, disgusted, and not be able to focus on work anymore. I threw away all the progress because I lack the discipline and I have a [Dory](http://weknowmemes.com/generator/uploads/generated/g1394078322266683278.jpg) attitude to food.

Basically, now I'm off track, I'm trying my best but I just fail. I can eat 500cal in a day, and then I'll eat 2000 the next because I've been soooooo good the day before (or some uncontrollable urge to eat a cupboard of stuff while having painful cramps from so much eating). Whenever I go over 1400 I stop counting anyway and only estimate instead, and continue eating "because I fucked up already" (better make it worse AMIRITE).

Tomorrow I'm going to the beach with friends. I should be happy, it's the first time in 6 years when I'm going to the beach. But my cottage cheese legs won't be lucky enough to be covered by my swimsuit, like my quadruple belly roll is. At least I can make self-deprecating jokes and as usual they will say I'm crazy and not fat. They don't see what I see or feel what I feel when I eat so much.

I just had a bad food day. Needed to rant. Thank you for existing, wonderful sub! Hopefully if I'm a bit more active here, I'll get my shit together and be disciplined.

---

What are some tips to gain a few kilos quickly if you have a fast metabolism and struggle to gain weight?
/u/throwaway635888
Created: Tue Jul 3 17:00:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vwozn/what_are_some_tips_to_gain_a_few_kilos_quickly_if/
---
I'm almost 19 years old and I have been slightly underweight since puberty of at least 3-6 kg and at the moment I'm 43-45 kg.

I wish I could gain a few kg to see if I look healthier (people always tell me how skinny I am but consider I am 161 cm) and regulate my periods a little (I get them every 18-23 days and it follows a pattern though).

When I used to eat at least 1-3 times a day nothing changed and right now I skip meals because of depression and I stay too much in bed because I go to bed late almost always.

I live a sedentary life and I never do sports, which I know it's not healthy and I should go out and start working out regularly.

What are a few tips to gain weight quickly? I don't want to see a nutritionist and spend +100 euros honestly, I would rather avoid...I don't have any eating disorder, I don't smoke and drink but I live a fairly sedentary life if you are wondering.

Sometimes I eat more late at night if I stay up (a sandwich, some snacks, biscuits, ice cream, yogurt, fruits etc)

My dad is also like this, he looks skinny even if he eats a lot, my grandma was also like that. Anyway, I noticed that when I go to other places (especially on the seaside on holiday) I eat twice as much than here (I live in a country area in the middle of the mountains)

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If i want to get help, where do i even start?
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Tue Jul 3 16:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vwek1/if_i_want_to_get_help_where_do_i_even_start/
---
hey y'all. so im in this...weird limbo right now. Im restricting sometimes, eating to maintenance at others, binging occasionally with friends (which just means when i have a good excuse lmao). and yeah its sucky, but maintainable. but also ive been dealing with depression for the last month or so that hasnt gotten any better. i cant tell if its correlating with my ED or not, i just know they both suck together.

So, does anyone with experience even know how i find some help? I signed myself up for some therapy last year, but the lady i got was a really bad fit and i quit shortly after. I mentioned to my new primary care physician that ive dealt eating disorders, but he didnt ask much because i was fine when i came in (aka bmi 19ish) and thats about where i am now. do i make an appointment with my primary care and just ask him for help/a referral? i dont even know if i want to see a therapist or a counsellor or a psychiatrist. do i just find one of those places near me and make an appointment? im not even sure which would be best. plus, i have the crippling fear that im just a big imposter, and that when i try and describe my problems to some new doc for the first time theyll wonder why im even there...you know.


anyways, any experience you have and can offer would be great. also im in the US, btw.

---

[Rant/Rave] if eating disorders worked how "normies" (for lack of a better word) think they do-
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Tue Jul 3 16:13:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vwctz/if_eating_disorders_worked_how_normies_for_lack/
---
Chad tells Stacy that men like curves! Only dogs go for bones! And she sits down for a big dinner, eats it all and makes no attempt to purge, and they live happily ever after!

Jenni's mom catches her throwing up her dinner one night! She tells her how worried she is, and makes her go to therapy. After three sessions, Jenni is cured!

Anna is very skinny. She needs to stay slim for track, after all! But as she enters high school, the stress gets to her. She loses twenty pounds and faints in the hallway! She is sent to a fancy residential treatment center where she comes out healthy and happy and never, ever relapses, or so much as weighs herself, again. What even *is* a calorie, afterall!

Rodger was always a fat kid. He was bullied all through middle school until finally, he stopped eating. But then, his mate Brad tells him that girls like a guy with a little more muscle! They become Best Gym Bros and Rodger never again restricts his eating, never mind the deep psychological trauma of childhood bullying! He is now a professional crossfitter.

Alice like Jimmie. Jimmie likes Alice, but she's looked sick lately. He confronts her about it, and she confesses (gasp!) her icky secret- she is bulimic! Jimmie declares "I don't want to kiss a girl with puke on her breath! You're beautiful just how you are!" Alice is cured.

Sonya is dying. Sonya has been battling her eating disorder since middle school. After she collapses at work, she is confined to a hospital for tube feeding. Once she is Weight Restored, she sees the error of her dangerous ways and swears off disordered eating FOREVER.

If only it was actually that fucking easy 🙃🔫

---

PASTA
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Tue Jul 3 16:08:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vwbfn/pasta/
---
I'm trying to be a little better for when I -officially- chose to recover. Today I attempted one of my worst fear foods - pasta.

I wanted it to be a good experience so went to the Italian deli, bought some Italian pasta and Corsican pistou (like pesto, but better) and ate it. I had 30g pasta (serving size was recommended at 90g smh), 40g pistou, 3 chopped sun-dried tomatoes, and a fuckload of green beans and have felt full since! (ate 4 hours ago). It also only amounted to 350kcal which is a lot for an anorexic, but a small meal for most. (Usually I have 1/2 a sweet potato and 100 cal veggies)

I've also started adding 10g almond butter and 15g oatmeal to my morning yoghurt + fruit to make it more filling (180 cal + 40 from other fruit). AND just the other day I made oatcakes from scratch (which only come in at 40cal each) and froze them so I can defrost only 2 or three each day for portion control - I top them with a sliver of goats cheese and black pepper. At lunch I eat a 120kcal salad.

I run 1.5km, once or twice a day (gp said no further, depending on knees), and I walk everywhere because FRESH AIR.

This is why my blood work always comes in fine, and I can function and live and stuff - my days normally finish at 800-900 net calories but what I'm eating is super balanced and nutritious and shit. Hell, I think I may transfer myself over to 1200isplenty and join their ranks in denial.

Sos, just another ED-fueled ramble (I bet when I have a glass of wine or a strong gin at some point in the coming weeks I'll eat all of the almond butter and probably some frozen spinach. Stay tuned.)

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm so mad at myself
/u/astro-punk
Created: Tue Jul 3 15:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vw6ud/im_so_mad_at_myself/
---
I was restricting so well today then I went swimsuit shopping. I hated how i looked in everything, got mad at myself, then hate drank around 350 calories of boba tea. Now I'm nearly crying in the bathroom trying to purge but it's not working. I hate this.

---

Patience is a virtue
/u/throwawaytodayokc
Created: Tue Jul 3 15:50:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vw6fr/patience_is_a_virtue/
---
I weighed myself and I'm up to 112.2 lbs. Just last week, I was 106.3 lbs but I've been binging and purging 5-10 hrs a day, so what can I expect. Last year, around this time, I was 90lbs.

Breathe.

Patience is a virtue and this will time to undo, but I am patient. I am hardworking and I will not throw in the towel. Just because I've gained weight doesn't mean I get to keep gaining.

I am just affirmations designed for recovery to get me through.

I am patient with the process. I am the kind of person who sticks to goals. I can say no. I have all I need inside of me to get to the other side.

112. In late August I will be back down to 96 lbs, it'll be okay. Until then, I will reduce calories, exercise and practice self control . I can do this. I've done it before and I'm not afraid of a challenge.

---

I just purged for the first time
/u/throwaway111misandry
Created: Tue Jul 3 15:46:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vw5e4/i_just_purged_for_the_first_time/
---
I’m a 25 y.o. Female, 258 pounds. I binged on fried chicken and macaroni and cheese when I was supposed to have a nice dinner with my boyfriend later. I immediately felt awful and thought I need this out NOW. When I got home I stuck my fingers down my throat over and over to make myself puke but I was disappointed because only small amounts came up, but it still felt good to get some of out. I’ve never done anything like this before and I’m both scared and excited. I’m sick of being fat but I’ve always told myself I’d do it “the right way.” Maybe this could be a good way for me.

---

What are some low cal foods that don't look ""diet""?
/u/bhbubeepy
Created: Tue Jul 3 15:42:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vw4c1/what_are_some_low_cal_foods_that_dont_look_diet/
---
My family would high key judge me for keeping around food that says "light" or "diet". Skinny pop, light progressive soup, light mayo, etc. My mom doesn't want me to try and diet or lose weight because I'm technically healthy, she just thinks I should eat healthier by eating more vegetables and fruits and less junk food. I don't even want to order coke zero around my family lol. Usually my parents eat pretty healthy so it doesn't matter if mayo or yogurt or other snacks are full fat, but they never actually look at calories. I've found some stuff that is fairly low cal without advertising it, such as progresso chicken lemon orzo soup which is 180 calories per can, and laughing cow flavored cheese wedges have the same calories as the ones that say low fat. Is there anything you like that's really low cal without saying so?

---

Flat bum.
/u/SlutForGarrus
Created: Tue Jul 3 15:42:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vw4a8/flat_bum/
---
Hello all! As you can guess from my stats, I have some loose, floppy parts. This time around, everything is particularly deflated-looking. Some of it is age and some is muscle loss.

I’ve been doing deep squats daily like my life depends on it. All that’s done is make my damned hamstrings a little bulky. I’ve added kickbacks and started hitting the treadmill/elliptical/bike.

I know after some time the skin will probably adjust a bit, but Everyone says squats are the answer and that’s utterly not working. I’m usually restricting to under 1000/day, but am trying like hell to get a decent amount of protein.

---

[Help] What can I expect from ERC IOP
/u/themoonlaluna
Created: Tue Jul 3 15:40:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vw3io/what_can_i_expect_from_erc_iop/
---
So I’ve been posting here a lot lately and have decided sort to move from a Mood and Anxiety IOP to an ED IOP. I had my intake appointment and I’m scared shitless.

- I am technically (BMI) slightly overweight and have never been remotely close to underweight, most of these girls and guys are not weight restored - read: i will be the fattest bitch there
- I feel like maybe EDNOS isn’t bad enough To have ED treatment for. Like yeah I obsess about every calorie, have panic attacks about food and cry about it constantly but see bullet point one... I can’t even restrict proper
- I have been an ethical vegan for YEARS before I got this disease. For obvious reasons they won’t let me eat like that because I know for some (some not all) people use veganism as an extension or crutch of their ED. Which means I have to eat food not only that makes me mentally uncomfortable but also morally uncomfortable.

I want to fucking die why did I sign up for this. Am I doing the right thing?

---

Hi. Never thought I'd be posting here.
/u/USSNerdinator
Created: Tue Jul 3 15:38:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vw2zz/hi_never_thought_id_be_posting_here/
---
So I've finally admitted to myself that in the past I've had an unhealthy relationship with food and still do to some extent. I'm doing mostly ok now but I figured maybe someone here can understand what I'm talking about.

I never actually got into the binging and purging side of things but I had a really rough time during my preteens/teens and dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression. I thought I was fat long before I was actually overweight. I remember going over to my best friend's house around 9 or 10 and being mortified that I couldn't fit into her pants. She was thin, I was average sized for my age. But I was convinced because I couldn't fit into an 8 in girls that that meant I was fat.

I lost most of my friends by the time I was 12 or so and went from a normal weight to steadily creeping up. I tried to deprive myself of food on and off and tried exercising more by about 13 or 14. It didn't work and then I became too self-conscious to exercise in public if I could help it. I began eating my feelings but was never successful in making myself throw up. This continued into adulthood when I had gained enough weight that I definitely was obese. I was really really unhappy in my own skin and despaired of ever being thin.

Fast forward to now and I've mostly stopped eating my feelings but it's occasionally a problem for me to eat enough in the day. And I find myself envying "successful" people with ED. Which logically I know doesn't make sense. I know depriving yourself of food is bad. But I still find myself following Ana forums where girls pat themselves on the back for only eating an apple that day. I'm slowly losing needed weight to get back to a healthy BMI but I'm a little scared I'll spiral down again and obsess over how big my thighs are. That I'll still see myself as fat even when I'm not anymore.

Anyway I figured I'd reach out. Maybe someone else gets it.

---

[Rant/Rave] After all of this stress, trying to restrict, trying to fast, I've just found out that I'm overweight.
/u/paifagoras
Created: Tue Jul 3 15:27:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vw055/after_all_of_this_stress_trying_to_restrict/
---
I'm overweight. For the first time in my life.

My weight has always fluctuated greatly, but suddenly I've just ballooned and my current bmi is now 25.1. I've never been so upset. I have so much stress everyday, thinking about food, trying to fast, or restrict, but what do I have to show for it? FAT. 31% body fat to be precise.

I'm literally at a loss right now. Honestly someone tell me what to do, I don't know what to do. Every time I try, I just end up binging, and I've finally ruined myself. The urge to stuff my face is unbearable, but so is the urge to purge and restrict.

Something has to give, something really has to give, because I can't have this be my life forever. I just want to reach my GW, why does this have to be so complicated?

---

[Goal] The difference 25 pounds can make...holy shit.
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Tue Jul 3 15:22:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vvyoh/the_difference_25_pounds_can_makeholy_shit/
---
I was having a bad day (wil be a seperately post because LITERALLY this day was from Satan 😂😂😂)

But I needed some inspiration not to binge. So I took some body check photos and [compared them to my before photos from April](https://imgur.com/a/Tta60YW) (not my highest weight but the highest in a couple years.)

Hooooolllyyyyyy shiiiiyyyyyyaaattt.

I’m 24 pounds down. Literally halfway to my goal today. And I literally don’t even recognize myself in either photos. The before photos are hard to believe I didn’t feel worse than I did. And today’s make me feel like somehow I tricked my camera and got unicorn photos.

I have no idea what I even look like. But I’m really thankful I’m halfway to where I want to be.

---

Why does this sub is called ProED?
/u/_redTitan
Created: Tue Jul 3 15:22:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vvyjk/why_does_this_sub_is_called_proed/
---
Hi there, I've seen some recent posts about the fact that this sub could be banned one day.

I've might misunderstand stuff. But why could it be banned when this sub is kinda for supporting eachother against ED. Share our evolution and all the little things that we noticed about this f*cking disorder. We should be allowed to talk about our disease.

It is forbidden to share any "tips" for encouraging the disorder.

So why it is called "pro"? Why not change?

---

What are your plans for the 4th?
/u/sucrederable
Created: Tue Jul 3 15:01:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vvsbx/what_are_your_plans_for_the_4th/
---
I'm pretty anxious for tomorrow.

---

[Rant/Rave] Relapsing because of my dad
/u/myoldfriendmia
Created: Tue Jul 3 14:57:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vvr9i/relapsing_because_of_my_dad/
---
TRIGGER WARNING!! VENT

I'm a recovering bulimic and anorexic, I just finished my college entrance exams two weeks ago and everything was looking well for me. I was a few months free from purging, which was a big milestone for me as i have been bulimic since the age of 13 (I am now 18). I had a few slip ups and spent some times googling calories in foods i had recently eaten etc but nothing too severe. Everything was looking better than ever, ever since i started being treated for my depression i had started eating more and was feeling happy! But as you may imagine, I'm a really bad stress eater and my exams were stressing me out a lot to the point i gained almost 50 pounds until i was put on anxiety medication almost 3 months ago. My parents and everyone had noticed my weight gain and were making rude comments on how i had gotten fat which i had tried to ignore, saying to myself that i can lose it in a healthy way after my exams. However, that all changed when i was eating a few days ago. I was eating two sandwiches (not the big ones, like toast with egg, tomato and cheese) and a piece of pineapple when my dad came in the kitchen and said i need to stop eating so much. I hadn't eaten anything all day and he just saw me eating pineapple and said im eating too much. I tried to ignore him like i always do but i just couldn't. The words he said stuck to me. So tonight when i was eating the same thing he went on about how i was eating too much. Calling me fat and saying i need to stop eating so much.

That was the last straw, tonight i made myself puke all of the food i had eaten. All my progress in recovering washed down the drain.

---

Why don't they just replace all sugar with erythritol?
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Tue Jul 3 14:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vvqr0/why_dont_they_just_replace_all_sugar_with/
---
So I noticed on my Halo Top container that it says there are 5g of *Sugar Alcohol* and I was wondering what that is so I did a quick Google search and found [this article](https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/sugar-alcohols-good-or-bad) about different kinds of sugar alcohols. Apparently erythritol has very few calories compared to sugar, does not cause blood sugar to spike, does not cause tooth decay, may actually improve oral health, may improve digestive health, and *it doesn't poison dogs*. So if it's so great, why is so uncommon? Why can't we just go to any grocery store and buy some of it like we can with sugar? There has to be a reason, right?

---

"Omg you used to be soooo skinny".
/u/VictoriaPrice28
Created: Tue Jul 3 14:46:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vvoev/omg_you_used_to_be_soooo_skinny/
---
Yeah....I know. I'm working on it! Thanks for reminding me and making me feel even worse about myself 😒
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

---

Taste buds changed?
/u/saltinedust
Created: Tue Jul 3 14:06:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vvdfg/taste_buds_changed/
---
So I have been purging quite a bit lately. And for the past few days I've been dreaming of a damn pint of Häagen Dasz Belgian Chocolate ice cream. Finally gave in and got it. But it tastes horrendously sweet, I feel like my tongue is burning because of the sugar.
Is this a normal side affect of purging? Also is dry peeling skin normal?

Thanks in advance for answers :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Starting to bike to work has triggered me to count calories again
/u/ha11ucinogens
Created: Tue Jul 3 13:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vv9os/starting_to_bike_to_work_has_triggered_me_to/
---
and counting sugar, fat, carbs, etc of course.


Biking to work in 90+ degree weather takes a lot out of me and has made me hungrier.
My boyfriend noticed me eating more and said he was happy that I was but the fact that he even noticed really bothered me. Since then I think and talk about food so much when I haven’t been like that in months.

Before this, even though I wasn’t physically counting calories, I guess I was mentally and kinda subconsciously because my diet consists of the same 10-15 foods if that, so it’s easy to memorize calories. However, it didn’t consume my thoughts so it wasn’t too bad.

But physically tracking it feels horrible because it feels like I have to. And now I feel like I have to bike to work just to burn a little more calories, even though sometimes I could take the bus or get a ride from someone.

---

[Other] flipping ed’s. i’m going back to not eating
/u/aurorabreeze
Created: Tue Jul 3 13:50:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vv91l/flipping_eds_im_going_back_to_not_eating/
---
been fuckin binge for so long. I was losing and lost a lot in a few months, but then started eating more again and have stayed the same weight for months. luckily I didn’t really gain anything. but i’m ready to start losing again. idk if anybody else understands like ‘flipping’ eating disorders, or disordered eating styles, whatever. but i’ve had ‘disordered’ eating since I was like 7. and I’ve definitely switched behaviors at times. and now I’m just ready to go back to not eating and being more structured. I hate feeling of control. right now in my life, it just feels more right to stop eating. and I want to be really thin again. so imma start IF till I drop to my goal weight. then i’ll probably keep going and idk. i’m a mess

(edit: all the quotations and shit just cause I’ve never been diagnosed)

---

[Other] [HUMOR] Got challenged to a wing eating competition...
/u/shrugenthusiast
Created: Tue Jul 3 13:49:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vv8uv/humor_got_challenged_to_a_wing_eating_competition/
---
& my boyfriend has NO IDEA what he’s getting himself into. You never bet a (mostly recovered, but still) bulimic you can eat more than them. Muahahahahahaha

---

Feeling the Urge to Purge™ at work
/u/kladarling
Created: Tue Jul 3 13:35:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vv4y8/feeling_the_urge_to_purge_at_work/
---
I had my whole day planned out. Had some very nice very berry over night oats sitting in the fridge for lunch at home today. Usually if lunch is gonna be provided at the office we know ahead of time, so ya know, ya girl is here, tum rumblin for some sweet sweet oats with strawberries and rasberries, when all of a sudden, very randomly, a coworker walked into the office with a stack of pizzas. I really wish I could have had the Gotdang self control to not inhale that food, but I ate three fucking slices and now I want to die. My stomach feels bloated and filled to the brim and it's taking everything I have to not go to the bathroom and remove this garbage from my body. Anyways how's your guy's Tuesday going?

---

[Other] terrified that stepping on the scale will trigger the monster
/u/painxiety
Created: Tue Jul 3 13:35:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vv4xj/terrified_that_stepping_on_the_scale_will_trigger/
---
let me preface this by saying that i know i am relapsing. i am not in denial. i am not bitter. but i am scared of getting out of control and hitting a bmi below 17 and thinking my heart could explode at any given second.

i have had a medication-induced "recovery" for about the last year and gained from a comfortable post-hospital 105 up into the mid-120s and every time i move my arms squish into my sides and my belly rolls and my thigh fat squishes together and i am just not at ALL comfortable. i want to get back to a comfortable weight to ease my anxiety (i have a PTSD diagnosis i don't need any more than i already have lel) but i want to do it in a "healthy" way.

by eating 1200 daily i feel like i am slowing the progress of complete and total relapse. BUT. i am more afraid than ever to step on the scale because i won't see big drops like i did when i would restrict below 600 calories. i could drop 10 pounds in 3 weeks. now i am fearful i haven't dropped anything at all. ugh. if the number doesn't go down big enough i might lose control altogether. how do i do this in a sane way and not land myself back in the hospital?

is keto worth a shot?

how do i lose weight without relapsing?

its all so contradictory.

i am not necessarily looking for advice so much as if anyone else is going through the same thoughts and if they have anything that helps them not totally lose it.

---

[Rant/Rave] why am i like this
/u/smolbeanbaby
Created: Tue Jul 3 13:24:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vv1q9/why_am_i_like_this/
---
i like to say i’m recovered. i don’t fast, i don’t restrict. but, even though i am absolutely not binging, i’m still purging. the highest amount of calories i’ve eaten in a day has been 1800, but i’m still puking up almost everything i eat. i just hate the feeling of being full so fucking much, and when i’m anxious it’s even worse.

yesterday my friend was mad at me and wouldn’t tell me why(ended up being that her crush said i tried to kiss him when i was drunk, which i absolutely did not), so i barely ate. my night shift manager at work(my job is my second home, the people are like a family) made me eat a baked potato when i casually mentioned i wasn’t hungry and then stuttered when he asked me what i’ve eaten today. almost everyone there is aware i have an ED or had an ED but most people don’t really care. so my manager has me eat a potato and i puke that up. later i get some fries. i purge that up because i felt stuffed. even later he brings me ice cream and fries(my fav) and i puke that up because i hated the feeling of it in my stomach. and then today i ate a burger and immediately purged it.

i’ve purged 4 times in the past 24 hours. my chest hurts. i hate myself.

---

[Help] What's your most effective plan to reverse a week of binging and zero exercise?
/u/pinkmonacle
Created: Tue Jul 3 13:23:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vv1e6/whats_your_most_effective_plan_to_reverse_a_week/
---
Depressed and sluggish is an understatement :(

I haven't eaten as many calories in the last week since Christmas time, emotional eating I suppose :/ Really hating myself cause I've been doing so well overall. And sun holiday in 3 weeks too UGH.

Someone please suggest how I can start feeling normal again as quickly as possible? <\3

---

[Rant/Rave] My office bathrooms have scales in them
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Tue Jul 3 13:15:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vuz4e/my_office_bathrooms_have_scales_in_them/
---
Who thought that was a good idea? Everything else about this job is perfect but the fact that I can’t go to the bathroom without being tempted to weigh myself is painful. At first I thought it was just the one near me but nope- all of them have it. So strange and uncomfortable but also my ED brain just loves it.

---

Let's share peach usernames!
/u/akashax
Created: Tue Jul 3 13:15:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vuz3a/lets_share_peach_usernames/
---
I finally got it and thought it was a cool place to talk to eachother. My username is Akashax if anyone wants in.

---

To the person that posted this mousse recipe. Thank you! It's epic :)
/u/scrawny-cat
Created: Tue Jul 3 13:14:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vuyuz/to_the_person_that_posted_this_mousse_recipe/
---
https://noblepig.com/2008/04/the-perfect-passover-dessert-or-anytime/

---

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by comments about my past size
/u/KrustyKup
Created: Tue Jul 3 12:40:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vuol4/triggered_by_comments_about_my_past_size/
---
I [23f] used to be rather large, as a child, and gradually got to be about 175 lbs and 5 ‘6 at the beginning of college. Now I am a year post undergrad and I am about 138 (approx 17 lbs weight loss since graduating). Lately I’ve been having very disordered eating patterns and I saw my friends grandma at a restaurant. Side note this grandma has known me since I was 4 so she’s seen my progression from childhood to where I am now. Anyways, the first thing she says to me is, “Oh hello! You look great! Not a fat girl anymore!”. I felt my heart kind of drop and it really hurt my feelings and has kind of fueled more negative thoughts. You’d think I’d be complimented but it hurts that was the first thing on her mind. It kind of reaffirms my thought that weight is everything and I need to get to my goal weight ASAP.

Anyone else have a story/ advice on how to deal with these comments?

---

[Goal] Stylist noticed my weight loss
/u/Baby-Baphomet
Created: Tue Jul 3 12:35:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vun8i/stylist_noticed_my_weight_loss/
---
I'm so happy rn guys. Walked in to my salon to get my hair cut and my stylist (I've gone to her for a couple years now) said right away "you've lost weight!!" I was just like omg ty for noticing lol. She said I looked rly good and that I "walked in looking all skinny" ahhhh! I mean I'm still fat af imo but still made my day that my weight loss is starting to be noticible.

She asked how I was doing it and I said I just don't eat any junk it fast food except for like one cheat day a week (which is almost true but I didn't mention that I only eat 800 call day Max and that my cheat days are like 1500 Cal 2k max haha)

Just wanted to share :)

---

[Rant/Rave] Relapse
/u/Anaisdabomb
Created: Tue Jul 3 12:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vun39/relapse/
---
So I’ve been recently recovering since my antidepressants caused weight gain so I thought I could lose the weight healthy but I can’t stop purging and I’m scared and I don’t want that to happen anymore
Idk I can’t take this anymore

---

[Rant/Rave] So skinny it's not even attractive?
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Tue Jul 3 12:33:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vumqq/so_skinny_its_not_even_attractive/
---
Still at my LW and have no plans to gain (in fact, I still want to drop another 2kg so I can be BMI<16). I looked in the mirror for the 16379520th time today and realised that it isn't even attractive??

Like my hip bones just jut out from my sides, my collarbones could be used as industrial shelving units, god-damn even my ribs could replace the abacus. My jawline is incredible, even if the rest of my face looks exhausted.

Not saying that I don't want to lose weight, but if anyone was under the impression that it'd make you attractive then ho ho ho Santa Clause is coming to tell u ur wrong. I'll just settle for skinny, bony and ugly thnx

---

If I was thin
/u/PM-MEYOURDICKPICS
Created: Tue Jul 3 12:18:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vuihi/if_i_was_thin/
---
I'd be beautiful


Everyone would want to be friends


I finally wouldn't be the DUFF


I would be able to go out in public without crying afterwards


No one would ignore me


I could eat in public again


No more crying over calories


No more fasting


No more


No more people telling me "try keto" or any of their other amazing diet plans


Why can't I just be thin and beautiful. I hate myself.

---

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else feel like EC stacking doesn't work for them?
/u/chicaflaca
Created: Tue Jul 3 12:03:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vudsb/anyone_else_feel_like_ec_stacking_doesnt_work_for/
---
I've EC stacked/done EC stacking about five times and every time I feel like it does nothing for me. I still get hungry around the time I would've been hungry anyway, and I feel nauseous. Ik some people say to eat something small with it but like...I'm trying *not* to eat, and I'm not very good at eating small things without wanting more.

I feel like it could be because I have a high caffeine tolerance/metabolize caffeine quickly (according to an analysis of my genome).

---

[Tip] Hungry?
/u/virgomartini
Created: Tue Jul 3 11:58:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vuc35/hungry/
---
Eat cucumbers, watermelon and celery! They have almost no calories, are good for your health and are cheap!
Next time you do the grocery, think about that!

---

23hr fasting everyday ?
/u/blaq-gem
Created: Tue Jul 3 11:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vu84p/23hr_fasting_everyday/
---
today i’m gonna start fasting 23hrs everyday until i reach my goal weight (i’m around 120lbs and i’m trying to get to 108lbs asap). it means i’ll eat at the same hour everyday and only for that hour. i’ve done lots of intermittent fasting before, like 16hrs per day and/or +24hrs two days a week , roughly stuff like that.

anyone have any advice abt this kind of fasting or experience doing it before ? i’d luv to know if i shld be prepping for a hard time or if i’ll be dropping pounds much faster, etc ...

---

[Help] Fasting tips?
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Tue Jul 3 11:30:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vu3nw/fasting_tips/
---
I'm aiming for 24 hours now. I've done it in the past but now that I actually want to fast my brain is just constantly saying FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! and my peanut butter halo top is calling to me rn

How do I make it shut up

---

[Rant/Rave] Staying with a friend and can't stop binging...miserable as f*ck.
/u/mina1200
Created: Tue Jul 3 11:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vu2j1/staying_with_a_friend_and_cant_stop/
---
I'm staying with a friend for a bit over a week before going back home, but everyday is the fucking same. I wake up, go to my uni, begin my binge, walk around eating non stop, purge a bit, eat some more, feel miserable & drained, binge some more, go home, sleep.

I feel so miserable. I'm canceling plans and just altogether avoiding doing anything even remotely productive. I feel like a giant balloon about to burst. I kinda wanna stab myself lol

---

[Discussion] DAE have addictive personalities?
/u/apinkphoenix
Created: Tue Jul 3 11:11:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vtxvv/dae_have_addictive_personalities/
---
I feel like my whole life has been going from one addiction to the next, sometimes having multiple addictions at once. I think it first started with food, then smoking, then gambling, then alcohol, gaming, etc and a mixture of quitting and relapsing over time.

And the worst part is how I romanticise these addictions. Like, I remember being in my bedroom with my ex smoking and drinking and online gambling and ordering pizza and then having sex all in the one night. It's such degenerate behaviour but damn I enjoyed it haha. Like I want to be better than that but a darker part of me wants to succumb to that lifestyle.

Right now my addiction is food. Not eating it, thank goodness, but obsessing over it. Obsessing over my weight, what I'm going to eat, browsing this sub almost religiously because right now it's the only place I can really relate to. I think if I ever want to "be healthy" I'll have to leave this sub. No one here encourages bad habits or anything but it's my own problem for romanticising this place and the people here. At the same time this is a really supportive and helpful place so it's really hard to know what to do.

I'm old enough to know how stupid what I think and do is but still finding myself stuck anyway. I think the rest of my life is going to be a constant battle between being the best me vs being the me that is innately the happiest, even if it's through self destructive behaviours.

And even if I do get over my current obsession with food I just know it will be replaced with something just as bad or worse in no time at all. I can't win

---

[Discussion] Daily chat thread ?
/u/raindropslikebullets
Created: Tue Jul 3 11:04:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vtvrt/daily_chat_thread/
---
Just a thought. Could we make a daily chat thread? I always have things I want to say/ share, but none of them seem important enough to make a post about. I’m in a few other subreddits that have daily chat and it seems nice to be able to pop in and say one sentence or comment on others random thoughts.

Excuse me if we have something like this and I’m just blind and missed it. (And please point me in the right direction).

Comment that made me think of this : I had a rough binge / purge night and woke up feeling thinner instead of bloated and gross. Nights like these are what keep me addicted to b/p.

---

[Other] [Academic] Ethnicity, Body Image, and Health Behaviors (18-25 year olds living in the United States)
/u/WildSe7enBoi91
Created: Tue Jul 3 10:38:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vtnzr/academic_ethnicity_body_image_and_health/
---
https://llu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8eq0VBhBmvfJ1s1

---

[Rant/Rave] vicious cycle
/u/chzkayla
Created: Tue Jul 3 10:29:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vtl7s/vicious_cycle/
---
this eating disorder crap that is happening to me is such a fucking pain in the ass. i am finally eating like a human being, aka 2 meals a day.
thought it would make me happy, BUT NOPE. IT DOES NOT. every single time after i eat, i feel like crap, for eating i feel like crap for eating above 800cal.
i seem to lose the motivation to fast? i used to be able to do 3-5days fast, but now, i struggle to even fast for 24 hours. honestly it makes me question if i actually do have an eating disorder.

this is such a painful cycle, i eat, i binge, i try to purge, i try to fast, i fail to fast, i break it, i eat, which leads to binging which lead to purging, and then i try to fast, and i fail in that shit too.

i don’t even know what’s happening anymore, like the number on the scale is going up, and i am so scared that i am going back to my SW. and all i see in the mirror now is some fatass Buffon who cannot stop eating, and that she suck so fucking much in life.

and my fucking skin is breaking out, and i am gaining weight and i feel so miserable every single day.

help me

---

My plan from here on out.
/u/audreyhepburnwho
Created: Tue Jul 3 10:27:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vtkpj/my_plan_from_here_on_out/
---
Guys I´m sorry if this post is boring, but I need to make it. if anything, for accountability, and because I have the memory of Dory and make new "plans" all the time and literally forget all about it the next day and it gets exhausting to think the same things over and over again. So I need to write it down.

I need to break a binge/restrict by fasting, cycle. And trying longer fasts hoping for dramatic weight loss isn´t really working. Fasting has become really really easy to me, so much so that fasting 24 hours seems like normal. Today I decided I needed a new game plan.:

\- OMAD is my friend. I can easily go 24 hours without eating. My mistake recently is always trying longer than that, and ending up binging. I think I need a routine, instead of "let´s see how long I can go". So I´ll sit down every day and eat with my colleagues. Even if I only eat salad. That´s my meal that day.

\- Trying to stick to a maximum of 500 cals /day during the week. Again, fitting it in my one meal a day, lunch.

\- Sticking to safe meals. My ideal meals to take to work for lunch are low-carb-bread sandwiches, soy yogurt, boiled eggs and veggies, lentil soup. I will make a meal out of these items for every day to bring to work, or eat from the salad bar. No meals at home, period.

\- Every day: go for a walk or hit the gym. Even if I dont reach 10k steps, I have to go for a brisk walk, minimum 20mins. Does me good, mentally and physically.

\- Back to doing jumping jacks in the bathroom at work whenever I feel like eating from the candy bowl. Good distraction.

\- Trying longer fasts here and there. 48 hours, 72 hours, 96 hours, whatever. But only if I really feel like it, and only in intervals of 24 hours. So if I want to skip lunch one day I can only eat lunch the next day. This is to avoid mindless eating at home. If I think I cant make it to 48 hours might as well eat my regularly scheduled one meal.

\- one cheat day a week, which means going higher on the calories but staying within safe foods and as low carb as I can.

\- Last but definitely not least: Im gonna start c/s again. I used to do it all the time even before I knew it had a name, even before I realized my disordered eating habits. This month marks a year since my BED spireled out of control and Ive tried every single thing I can think of /find online to break it. I cant. So despite all my successful restricting, Im gaining because of the BED episodes. It´s heartbreaking when i realize I can eat a week´s worth of burned calories in a matter of hours... I plan on using c/s when Im really craving something, to curb the craving without feeling like I screwed up the whole day. I also plan on using it to mimic the ritual of binging of therefore trick my brain... I realized I crave the ritual of binging even more than the actual food - a lot of the satisfaction comes from the moment I decide Im gonna binge, and from going out to buy the food, and from sitting down and setting it all up around me with a tv show, ready to start. Not as much from the food itself. So when I really cant seem to fight those urges, I will go, buy the food, sit down, and c/s. Yes, its a waste of money. But if I ate it Id be wasting the same money. And this way I dont have to spend the rest pf the day on the floor in fetal position because I ate to the point of feeling like my stomach is gonna explode. At least the rest of the day can still be productive. Sure, i wish I could just NOT binge. But Ive had BED for the last 10 years so maybe that´s not really an option.If Im gonna have an ED I might as well not have to put on weight because of it, and purging isnt for me. So yeah. if the urges get the best of me, Ill trick my brain into trhinking m caving in, and it will hopefully stop with the urges and calm down without me actually having eaten. The added bonus of being able to taste delicious food is just an extra.

I have 2 months to be ready for a summer vacation. 20 lbs have to go.

---

[Help] Anxiety around trusting CICO?
/u/SqueegeeOujia
Created: Tue Jul 3 10:27:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vtkm4/anxiety_around_trusting_cico/
---
This might not make sense because I’m bad at explaining myself when I’m working through something I’m anxious about, but lemme just try anyway.

So I know CICO works, plain and simple. I lost 60 pounds using CICO before my dumbass got comfortable with meeting a big goal weight and then I got complacent and tumbled through a period of depression and started bingeing and I gained back 40. So I know it does work. The thing is, I get anxious about how accurate I am, which leads me to heavily restricting or just plain fasting.

My pattern even with less extreme loss is after I hit a goal weight, I stop counting and it comes back quickly, which I know must make sense even though I stop counting because I always figure I must be eating an asston higher than I’m supposed to be.

Then I get back to it, and somehow it just seems like it gets harder to lose unless I’m heavily restricting. I think it must make sense that the loss just takes longer if I’m eating, say, 1200 per day as opposed to 800 or so, and maybe I’m just so used to the faster drops at 800 that the slow (and sometimes even up and down thanks to goddamn water weight) loss seems like it isn’t loss at all since I get impatient and just restrict harder after a few days of not seeing more rapid loss.

Then I start to worry that there’s more to it than CICO. Please hear me out!! I am not one of those people who is trying to buy into some pseudo science bullshit. This is just a matter of anxiety (and maybe hunger tbh) making my brain do weird things. I’m just looking for people who relate or maybe even see where I’m fucking up.

What I mean is that it just seems like CICO says I should be losing more, and losing faster, than I am. And when I see maintenance or even gain in the morning, right now I’m doing a good job of not letting myself spiral too hard out of control over it by telling myself it’s just water weight or it’s a huge miscalculation somewhere. But the anxiety creeps in and starts to make me worry that something is wrong with me. I know I had an abnormal result for my thyroid early last year and was taking medication for it, but I saw a new doctor and she told me it was stupid and took me off it it (she also made me switch anti-depressants because she “didn’t like” what I was taking as prescribed by my psychiatrist—I stopped seeing her after that). I never got put back on anything since I never saw anyone after her. I also wonder if years of yo-yo-ing so severely could have fucked something up. Or if somehow my mental health is making me blind to reality, like honestly sometimes I question if what I see is real. Or that I just don’t burn calories the way everyone else does because something is wrong with me so I have an abnormally low TDEE so I need to eat significantly less to lose weight and I just need to be okay with that. Which is actually fine with me, but I just wish I knew if that were the case because if I knew the true threshold I needed to meet then I could restrict lower than that. And that’s how I end up fasting and getting sick after I do it for too long and don’t take care of myself because I’m too stupid and self destructive to make sure I’m getting shit like electrolytes and whatever else I need to stay healthy if I’m fasting longer term. And then I start to worry that I’m going to make my kidneys fail or something stupid like that, because anxiety brain tells me I’m not good enough to fast and restrict without somehow fucking myself up irreparably.

I know some of the issue might be that I don’t do very much at all lately. I’ve been dealing with really severe depression over the last year or so; it’s been up and down a little, but not enough for me to consistently exercise. I miss running so much, but it’s been humid and over 100F where I live, so I can’t even talk myself into going on walks, let alone run. I hate my body and the idea of people seeing me, and honestly hate the way I feel when I’m moving because I feel my fat all over me no matter what I wear. Because of the heat lately, I can’t cover up as much as I need to actually move around.

Plus moving around takes energy that I just don’t have because depression. There are days where literally all I do is nap, watch TV, scroll on my phone, and nap some more. I’m only standing up/walking to get water or go to the bathroom. So then I’m thinking maybe I’m burning way less calories than I would even if most weight loss calculators consider me “sedentary” because I’m guessing they assume someone is at least sitting rather than laying down, and they’re moving a little more than me (aka walking at least like 500 steps a day?). If I am lazy too often or too many days in a row, maybe it makes my TDEE so low that I don’t burn much at all and then it’s stuck like that until I get back to running so I actually have some muscle to burn fat/calories? But then if I somehow get to running again and build muscle then it’s more pounds even if they are the “healthy” kind—whatever makes up the number on the scale doesn’t matter when I’m staring at it naked and not able to know for sure. Plus running bulks my thighs up, which is nice for feeling powerful and strong on a run, but it’s not nice for making my thighs stop touching which is a huge part of my anxiety because it means I can constantly feel fat when I’m moving/walking. So it feels like I can’t really be happy either way.

Logic is telling me that CICO must be right, and if it’s right, then I should be losing faster/more than I am unless I’m miscalculating something. I’m meticulous about it when I eat, a lot of the time throwing away half my food but still logging the full amount or purposely adding high calorie ingredients to MFP that I didn’t really eat just to be totally safe, plus the bonus is that I can get MFP to 1000 a day so it won’t yell at me. It’s just that I can’t figure out what else there is to pick apart. If I can’t lose more rapidly then I should just fast altogether even if it scares me because I’m so anxious about feeling as shitty as I did last time I got too wrapped up in my disordered tendencies. I feel like I’m in a blur from all my conflicting fears.

Sorry for rambling, but I just want to know if anyone even kind of feels this way. Making constant excuses when things don’t add up perfectly, questioning if your body is inherently fucked up, getting caught up in spiraling anxiety about every single “what if.” I feel so alone and so stupid.

---

is it possible to actually go from bingeing to maintaining the next day?
/u/outofmana_
Created: Tue Jul 3 10:24:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vtk0p/is_it_possible_to_actually_go_from_bingeing_to/
---
whenever i read advice online about “what to do after a binge”, it’s always “don’t be too harsh on yourself! eat a small breakfast and normal, healthy meals!” or some shit...

but the thing is, i often binge at night, and will legit not feel hungry until like 24+ hours later (if i don’t eat anything). if i do keep eating (normal meals, not necessarily binges), it just feels like i’m “adding” to the binge, by giving my body food that i don’t actually need. and i won’t feel hungry for days on end, and WILL feel like absolute trash, if i keep eating normal afterwords. and if i do that, i’ll probably just end up using laxatives or something because i’m so backed up (which i try to avoid, anyway).

do normal people just not “feel” extreme fullness as super oppressive discomfort or something? like, when i’m full i can barely do anything. but then again, my digestive system is slower than a normal individual, so idk..

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate my thighs
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Tue Jul 3 10:14:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vtgup/i_hate_my_thighs/
---
SERIOUSLY. I hate the way they look. I hate the way my inner thighs graze when I walk. I hate the jiggle when I run or dance. They make me feel sick. I wish I was thin and dainty. Anytime I see a thin dancer or k-pop star my heart drops a little knowing I’ll never have those types of strong thin legs. And I know some of it is genetic and what not- they’re beyond blessed imo. I’m tired of this cycle of eating what I want because fuck it just to start restricting myself with it all only for it to repeat. It’s tireless. My body feels weak and I feel ashamed that I’m not living up to the full potential I know my body can bring during dance practices. I’m tired of the complaining too lol

---

Back and down to business
/u/throwawaytodayokc
Created: Tue Jul 3 10:10:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vtfmi/back_and_down_to_business/
---
I've been here on and off for about 3 years, I think. And each time I've been on this sub, I've been successful in losing weight, getting to weights under 95 lbs. Flair is absolutely wrong, I'm more like 113-115 lbs now, I think. I'm terrified to check.

Anyway, I'm writing here so that when I check back, I can feel that rush of accomplishment that only weight loss can bring. Here's my plan:

**850 calories will be my budget**

**Just coffee until lunch**

**I will start off more strict, mostly proteins and vegetables. No super restrictive eating, because I have always done better with the flexible mindset**

**Once I get under 100 lbs, I will be more lenient so I can keep binges at bay**

**Reduce the b/p frequency, already! Each and every time I want to b/p, I will post here, or on this post so I won't hog the subreddit, lol. It also might be nice to see a running total to see that I could override the urge**

So. Hello July 3, 2018. I want to see 96 lbs. I won't make a deadline, but I sure as hell will be charting my weight again. I'll aim for weekly weigh-ins.

---

[Rant/Rave] Relapsed for the first time in 4 years
/u/online-waifu
Created: Tue Jul 3 10:09:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vtfdh/relapsed_for_the_first_time_in_4_years/
---
When I was 15 I would purge and restrict a lot and I lost quite a bit of weight, but after a lot of positive life changes and dating my boyfriend, I started eating way too much and now I’m a landwhale again. It bothered me to be so big, sure, but nothing like when I was 15. Except the other day, I started going through a bunch of those petite porn subreddits and started having a panic attack. I feel myself relapsing- the same feeling of anxiety after eating a small bowl of cereal and thinking I have to punish myself with exercising like mad after having 100 calories. I’m fine with restricting, but I really don’t want to relapse into full blown purging again.

I feel like this time I won’t be able to stop. I’m in too good of a place for things to get better and for my ED to fade away.

---

[Discussion] What’s on your ED playlist?
/u/mauvegraybluegreen
Created: Tue Jul 3 10:05:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vte7x/whats_on_your_ed_playlist/
---
My pick is obvious: Skinny Love (the Birdy cover, sorry Bon Iver)

---

When you get into a weight convo w/ your mother and she tells you you "looked best" at a lw!! :'(
/u/0seagirl
Created: Tue Jul 3 09:57:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vtbny/when_you_get_into_a_weight_convo_w_your_mother/
---
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE. :'( This whole shit-storm just happened today... while I was clothes shopping, nervous af I needed to phone my mum just to chat to take my mind off shit. And then this....

She knew I had AN, she knew I was in poverty, she knew I was unhealthy. It's like she just doesn't actually listen to any of that.
She knows I gained a fucking inch in height age TWENTY NINE because I had *only* just started eating properly in my life, she knows I can walk 10 miles now and feel great no issues, she knows my life is 10000 times better because I know a lot more about how to feed myself and how now I actually go out most days, on dates, socialize with friends, go to parties, gigs, COOL HAPPY "BEING ACTUALLY ALIVE" STUFF... stuff I didn't do when I was in my teens and twenties because I was A FUCKING HOUSE-BOUND SEVERELY MENTALLY ILL MESS.

I told her "oh.... you mean I looked best at the weight I was at when I was underweight and couldn't even shower because I'd feel dizzy and like I was going to pass out? Yeah um I think I'd rather be a healthy weight now thanks haha"

***"There's nothing wrong with being a little bit underweight"***


......!!!!!!!!!........


I felt so shocked it was like I couldn't even feel hurt. It was like hearing the human embodiment of my mental illness talking to me, and hearing it come from my mother made me so fucking angry I couldn't even help but tell her all of the things I've felt like I "should" say to my ED, to my mental illness, but couldn't, because it has been so deeply internalized over the decades.

At least there's that. That's something positive I got from it.... If I can tell my mother she's way out of line for telling me that shit, I NEED . NEED . NEED to tell that to my ED voice in my head, because it's HER.

I'm trying so SO hard not to lose my mind over this... IT'S LIKE I DIALLED 0800 ANA GODDESS OR SOME SHIT.

---

[Goal] Strange goals
/u/Careabella
Created: Tue Jul 3 09:49:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vt9l3/strange_goals/
---
Today at work I was playing around with a food scale and thought about how great it would be if I were small enough to be able to weigh myself on one. Not sure if anyone else has thought about that before

---

Re post because people told me to cover the original sub name
/u/failingcollege101
Created: Tue Jul 3 09:44:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vt7yr/re_post_because_people_told_me_to_cover_the/
---
https://i.redd.it/t753h8477r711.png

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Numb feet during exercise?
/u/toe-beanz
Created: Tue Jul 3 09:43:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vt7wj/numb_feet_during_exercise/
---
So I typically high restrict (800-1000) because I work out almost everyday and would get too light headed and dizzy if I ate anything less. Recently however my feet have begun to go numb while I’m exercising. It’s usually while I’m on the elliptical (my main source of exercise) and it begins in my toes and the feeling increases. Does anyone know what’s causing this or what I should do?

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[Discussion] Meal prep?
/u/kittenofcolour
Created: Tue Jul 3 09:34:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vt5at/meal_prep/
---
Does anyone else do meal prep like planning in advance what they'll eat for the next day/s and do you have any tips?

I've recently started doing a weekly cal budget thing so I can plan my meals accordingly. I need more healthy food and recipes on there though since rn it's mostly eggs and fish, with some fruits as snacks.

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[Tip] New sub at Subway? (620 cals per 12" sub)
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Tue Jul 3 09:31:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vt4ek/new_sub_at_subway_620_cals_per_12_sub/
---
So I just went to subway for lunch and I noticed a menu option I've never seen before at any of my local Subway restaurants. Oven Toasted Chicken. It's only 620 calories for a 12" sub. That's big enough to keep me full for a whole day! ☺

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[Other] Summer
/u/kein0815
Created: Tue Jul 3 09:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vt3oc/summer/
---
Pros of summer:
- I can hide my hideous face behind sunglasses
- it’s too hot to eat
- no one will judge me for eating ice cream as a meal
- skinny girls as inspiration to high restrict

Cons of summer:
- it’s too hot
- sunburns
- breakdowns in changing rooms because of having to buy new clothes
- not being able to hide in oversized sweaters
- realizing I’m a fat duck
- ice cream got ridiculously expensive
- more likely to faint because of heat
- working out only possible in the morning
- everyone wants to go swimming
- exams

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[Help] Am i normal or thin looking? I have no clue what i look like please help ❤️
/u/thinraindrop
Created: Tue Jul 3 09:13:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vsz6g/am_i_normal_or_thin_looking_i_have_no_clue_what_i/
---
https://i.redd.it/inkm4msm1r711.jpg

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When you punish yourself for eating toast for breakfast
/u/Tryingmomspatience
Created: Tue Jul 3 08:48:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vss16/when_you_punish_yourself_for_eating_toast_for/
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https://i.imgur.com/qbUK0x0.jpg

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We are now a pro erectile dysfunction sub
/u/failingcollege101
Created: Tue Jul 3 08:42:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vsqgj/we_are_now_a_pro_erectile_dysfunction_sub/
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https://i.redd.it/qvycmeg9wq711.png

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which came first: the adderall or the eating disorder?
/u/babymilf
Created: Tue Jul 3 08:41:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vsq45/which_came_first_the_adderall_or_the_eating/
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those of us in our mid-20s probably remember the xanga era. no one ever talks about it here which is weird because it was such a huge part of my middle school years. maybe it's like voldemort and we can only hint at it without ever actually saying it out loud. I'm probably just old.

it was a lot of romanticized, gross MPA-style shit ("I didn't eat for three days so I could be lovely" fucking gag) and weigh ins and thinspo and stuff like that. blog rings, which were like tag groups before there were tag groups. honestly I don't even think you could follow people, but I could be wrong.

I discovered the "ana community" on xanga around the same time I discovered the magic of adderall. seventh or eighth grade. the two were a fucking power couple straight out of hell and I got addicted to their relationship. the only time I could ever stick with my new lifestyle (lol) was when I was drugged up enough to lose my appetite. lisa was my best friend and a pothead and she dated older boys who gave us pills. it was a nice setup. she did all the work.

for years, it was go to school. take a pill. don't eat don't eat don't eat. go home. take another pill. blog until my fingers couldn't type anymore. don't eat don't eat don't eat. quick family dinner. up all night (don't fucking eat).

when I think about the start of my addiction and the start of my eating disorder, they blur in my head. I think one caused the other, or led to the other, or magnified the other, but I don't even know what I started with. did I take adderall because I wanted to be skinny? or did I get addicted to being skinny because I was taking adderall? does it matter?

I've been strangely reflective lately. brains are weird and I don't like this disease.

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Eating at night
/u/deathweasel
Created: Tue Jul 3 08:28:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vsmgl/eating_at_night/
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I don't think I've asked you guys this.

I don't eat very much during the day, but I wake up at night and eat stupid things. Has anyone had a problem like this? How do you handle it? It's something that started happening to me about 2 years ago.

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[Rant/Rave] Thanks instagram advertising 😒
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Tue Jul 3 08:05:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vsger/thanks_instagram_advertising/
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https://i.redd.it/e0ewzhdnpq711.jpg

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[Tip] Tips on fasting
/u/narkreturn
Created: Tue Jul 3 08:04:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vsfzd/tips_on_fasting/
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I wanna break my binge phase with a fast. Once I start eating I just binge where as when I restrict Its as if I’m not hungry? It’s strange. I just wanna end my binge phase with a fast so I can feel slightly better. Any tips would be appreciated !

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Tips on casting or low calorie restriction?
/u/narkreturn
Created: Tue Jul 3 07:59:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vsepv/tips_on_casting_or_low_calorie_restriction/
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Trying to get out of this binge phase and need some tips to prevent binges. Cause once i start I literally can’t stop. I’m thinking of just not eating in the day and eating very little at night. I need some tips on fasting as I’ve never fasted before and would prefer that over low restriction .

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Asked to do plus sized modeling
/u/library-girl
Created: Tue Jul 3 07:23:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vs5th/asked_to_do_plus_sized_modeling/
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So I know I'm in denial about how big I am. I'm 5'0" and 145lbs. 32,29,38 measurements. I was having a good day thinking I looked really cute in my kids XL sized dress and went to pick up a pizza my boyfriend ordered for dinner. This woman asked me "Have you ever thought about modelling? I need bigger girls like us to model some clothes I'm making." This woman is probably 300lbs and probably 5'8. She's big. I know that I'm overweight/chubby/curvy, but I'm a dress size 6-10, which I'm pretty sure isn't plus sized. I just wish that I knew what I looked like. I was having a shitty day yesterday and being called a bigger girl made me so upset. I hoped at least being short would make me seem like I'm not "big"

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“I’ll have the salad” a poem from last night’s dinner
/u/Sockapoodledoo
Created: Tue Jul 3 07:03:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vs0tw/ill_have_the_salad_a_poem_from_last_nights_dinner/
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https://i.redd.it/ajr5rqakeq711.jpg

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Bye, for the last time.
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Tue Jul 3 06:53:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vry8d/bye_for_the_last_time/
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It's over.

I've been desperately trying to hide my weight loss and restriction from my mom for the last few weeks (check out my post history if you care for more details). Well, she found out. Not sure how, but she did. So now she'll be watching everything I do and eat for every instant until I turn 18.

I'm not coming back. Every time I try to recover, I end up relapsing, so even if I gain back all the weight and end up "Happy and Healthy^(TM)", I figure it will happen eventually- probably when I go away to university in a year. I think I'll inevitably die, either slowly of starvation or sooner by suicide.

So, that's it. Bye.

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Self-Help Books Are Changing My Life
/u/Prudent_Meaning
Created: Tue Jul 3 06:48:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vrx6f/selfhelp_books_are_changing_my_life/
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https://youtu.be/PthR8gS2YZw

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[Rant/Rave] Hello depression my old friend
/u/cafesitoconpan
Created: Tue Jul 3 06:43:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vrvzw/hello_depression_my_old_friend/
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I’m use to being an independent person but with my current situation of living abroad for the summer I have to depend on others for everything. I was in a binge/low cal. cycle but now that my depression has come back from its vacation to join me on mine, it’s been way too easy to not eat. I’m pleased with myself that I’m not eating, but that’s the only emotion I can feel at the moment. I don’t really know what the point of this post was except that it sucks my old pal depression is back and time it’s coupled with my ED.

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Anybody knows some sort of hypnotizing trick to stop binge eating???
/u/yellowdaisyjennee
Created: Tue Jul 3 06:35:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vru7z/anybody_knows_some_sort_of_hypnotizing_trick_to/
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Damn I used to be borderline anorexic but when I started to learn binge eating I cant stop anymore. I miss the feeling of not eating for days like u know torturing yourself and loving it.

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[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday July 03, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jul 3 06:10:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vrohs/thinspo_tuesday_july_03_2018/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.

*****

Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

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Daily Food Diary! July 03, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jul 3 06:10:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vrogf/daily_food_diary_july_03_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for July 03, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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i want to spend the 4th of july with my sister
/u/spaghetti_girl
Created: Tue Jul 3 06:06:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vrnkw/i_want_to_spend_the_4th_of_july_with_my_sister/
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our family has been on a wild ride of issues lately not even related me or my ed. so when my sister invited me to come up and see her tomorrow I figured it'd be nice to spend some time together and just talk and hang out... but she wants to hang out at the pool and eat food.

honestly, I feel like I could deal with eating food for one day since I want to try getting up to a normal intake again. the real problem is going to the pool since: (a) I hate myself 😷, (b) I need to kind of stay out of the sun because of meds she doesn't know I'm on, and (c) there are cuts on my leg that haven't entirely healed yet.

we kind of grew up at pools so I dont know how to say I dont want to go there. especially when it's such a normal summer activity for most. but besides saying I'm not going to visit, idk how to get out of this.

I know this isn't entirely ed related, but you all are always so supportive and have awesome ideas so I was wondering if anyone could help or has had a similar experience??

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Laxatives on amazon?
/u/audreyhepburnwho
Created: Tue Jul 3 05:29:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vrg6t/laxatives_on_amazon/
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Preferably Amazon UK, because I'm in Europe. Ive tried laxatives from the pharmacy but they gave me really mild ones that did NOTHING even after quadrupling the dosage. I'm not intending on using them for purging because i really don't believe they work for not absorbing calories... But i binge once in a while and no matter how much water i drown myself with, i get constipated. Which means the days after the binge im bloated, heavy, and have no movements. I hate that i can Stil feel the pizza i ate 3 days ago in me. I'd like laxatives that work so at least after a binge i can go back to feeling lighter quicker. Because feeling heavy and bloated only makes me want to give up and binge again... But i live in a small town wih one pharmacy and i dont really want to press the pharmacist into giving me a stronger thing... Recommendations?

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[Rant/Rave] Obsessed with my watch’s accuracy
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Tue Jul 3 03:23:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vqtbp/obsessed_with_my_watchs_accuracy/
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So I recently got an Apple Watch. It’s been great so far. The only thing that frustrates me is how obsessed I am with its accuracy.

I did 1.82 of a mile today in 40 minutes, and it’s telling me that I burned 346 calories. I know that the rule of thumb is 100 calories/mile, not to mention that it varies depending on gender/height/weight. I just can’t shake the feeling that it’s severely overestimating, and I hate it.

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[Help] I don't know what to do anymore
/u/cakenose
Created: Tue Jul 3 03:04:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vqq6l/i_dont_know_what_to_do_anymore/
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When my ed was first developing about 6 months ago, my loved ones noticed right away. My parents and friends notice the small things remarkably easy, and all I ever heard was the infamous "you'll just gain it all back".

I knew deep down that was true. I didn't want to think about that, so I pushed it away. Regardless of knowing it'd happen one day, I never thought it'd happen so soon. It's too soon, I'm too fat still. I can't just...lose my ed, what the fuck? I don't want to. It's hell, but I feel pretty within it all. Worth something. And most of all, I feel like I have control. I went from losing 3 pounds a week to now, constantly gaining 5 pounds and losing it frantically just to gain it back again. Binges feel impossible to overcome, and I never have. Not once. Sometimes I can cut them short, but not short enough, and stopping myself from starting altogether? unheard of. I don't even have the energy or motivation to over-exercise, and I'm not a purging kind of girl. So now all I can think of is just fasting, but I don't even think I have the self control to do that anymore. And even if I pulled it off, I know I'd get these awful strong binging spells when I start eating again.

It used to be so easy to not eat. Everything is catching up to me. It's consuming my mind every second of every day and even when I know I look the same, it's not enough. Nothing seems to even matter but the numbers. I feel so scared of losing my ed, I'm pretty sure I have. I still have the mindset but not the strength of the execution. And I feel awful for saying that. Awful and stupid, because that is not the sort of life I should want to live.

I guess I'm here to ask if anyone else has ever hit that sort of patch too, because I'm feeling alone and discouraged..? and how did you overcome it? I feel so scared. Like I'm just gonna get fat again, and this is the place I stop at for good and I'll never be that goal weight of mine. Like the time and self restraint it took to gain the ability to avoid cravings and to fast like nobody's business is all out the window for good.

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🍑yeah ya boi got peach
/u/swagcat9000
Created: Tue Jul 3 00:54:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vq418/yeah_ya_boi_got_peach/
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add me @wheezeboy and comment here so i can add you too!
(other flair)

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[Help] help i forgot that normal people don’t casually talk about not eating
/u/lucaaa7
Created: Tue Jul 3 00:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vq15g/help_i_forgot_that_normal_people_dont_casually/
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i feel really awful
i was talking to a friend and i mentioned that i was starving and that i haven’t eaten yet today (it’s 11pm here) and i was joking around about how fat i am and how i was planning on not eating tomorrow either
he got upset with me and now i feel really bad :( this has happened before a few months and he yelled at me for basically hurting myself and that he was really upset and worried
it kind of makes me want to try to see a therapist again but i don’t really want to recover i guess :( i just don’t want people to worry about me. i always forget that my ed isn’t a joke to other people and that it’s really serious and upsetting to normal people
idk my main way of dealing with it is by making light of the situation and making jokes about it but i guess i should stop?? that sounds so stupid like duh i shouldn’t make jokes about not eating but it just happens so naturally for me and it seems like a big part of my personality is having an ed
idk why i’m even posting this. should i apologize to him? what would i even be apologizing for?? i feel like any sort of apology would come off really fake :(

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[Rant/Rave] my best friend annoys the f out of me sometimes
/u/Noxuy
Created: Tue Jul 3 00:33:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vq0fb/my_best_friend_annoys_the_f_out_of_me_sometimes/
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When we're in the city and clothes shopping, there's a specific order of events that will happen 10/10 times we do it. First, she's commenting about almost every piece of cloth in every store because they either don't fit her size or don't conceal her body enough for her liking. After she's done with complaining 90% of the time, she's going to adress her weight and that's how my mood drops down into the basement in under 0.3 seconds. It's starts with her saying something like "Ugh i'm so fat, i should just die." or "I really need to start losing weight already (while 30 minutes later shoving 20 chicken nuggets down her throat)" Then i am most likely to respond with "Yeah i can't stand my body either." or "I actually want to work out more frequently." And then she immediatly snaps at me and invalidates my honest feelings about MY body and says something like "Excuse me?? WHERE do YOU need to lose weight Huh? LoOk aT mE!! Have YoU loOked aT me?? I Am the fat™ one here, you do NOT need to lose any more weight! Honestly, i would feel Fucking grateful for being so NATURALLY skinny like you are!" And me, my disordered fucking brain just :'))) internally and i want to unexist in this very moment. Like, why do you feel the need to bring up your body weight as an argument with how i should feel about MY own body? It's got nothing to do with you at all? How hard is it to accept that i, in fact, CAN hate my body while not being overweight? It's just so frustrating having to deal with this invalidation all the time. Haha sorry for the long post, needed to get this out

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i feel dead
/u/kurayamikakashi
Created: Tue Jul 3 00:15:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vpwz5/i_feel_dead/
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I haven't walked my dogs in around a week. Every day, it's the same. wake up, go on reddit, youtube, MPA, instagram, and whatever the fuck else. Scroll, scroll, scroll. I don't answer texts. I don't do study. I don't make art. I don't even do the easiest shit, like reading a manga my cousin lent me 3 months ago. I can't face my email inbox. My house is so dirty it reeks. So I run to the fridge. Maybe bag of strawberries, my "safe food"? No, I promised I wouldn't fucking eat. Don't fucking eat. Don't fucking eat. I grab the fudge from the fridge. Don't fucking eat. Next it's the peanut-butter, the chocolate chips, two patties from the freezer, 2 eggs, grab the ketchup, how about some cheese- oh, and to top it all off, why don't you eat the bag of strawberries anyways.



Back to the same shit. The same shit since I was 14 years old. The same fucking shit.



Back to reddit, youtube, MPA, instagram, and whatever the fuck else. Scroll, scroll, scroll.


I loathe myself so much. Yet I tether myself to who I currently am. What the actual fuck?

I don't feel human as I am. I feel gross. I can't even step outside my front door.

It's so fucking obvious now, that all this is just bullshit. I'm afraid of being exposed I guess, and of not meeting others' standards or some shit?

I don't know, and I don't give a fuck. I'm over this fucking bullshit. I won't eat. I won't fucking eat. Nothing else matters, I just won't fucking eat.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else have problems with people eating their food?
/u/ImMissBrightside
Created: Tue Jul 3 00:06:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vpvb6/does_anyone_else_have_problems_with_people_eating/
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Me and my siblings have are all staying at our family house again for 4th Of July and my everyone keeps eating my food just like when we all lived together 😑

Just earlier today I went out and bought a subway sandwich for tomorrow and left it in the fridge. My mom saw it and asked if I was gonna eat it or not and I said I was going to eat it tomorrow. Literally right after she called out to my dad and asked him if he wanted to eat subway since I bought it. ??????

Anyway now it's a toss up on whether or not it's gonna be there when I wake up. Anyone else have this issue with family/roommates?

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Festivals, alcohol and eating disorder relapses
/u/paraphrasis
Created: Mon Jul 2 23:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vprv1/festivals_alcohol_and_eating_disorder_relapses/
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Yay - time to survive a 5 day music festival while going through an eating disorder relapse! It's my fourth time at this festival, and I also went last year - but this year I weigh 13kg less.

I am looking so much forward to this, because I am so ready to have fun after the last half year of hell. But just as much as I am looking forward to it, just as anxious am I.


How the hell am I going to do this? I can barely eat in front of people, but I have to. I know(!) I have to, because we will be drinking from morning till' night - and it's going to be 30 celcius all week. But there are so many calories in alcohol already, and I have some pretty bad drunkorexic tendencies going on here. I am going to set an alarm on my phone to remember to drink water. I also bought granola bars and crackers that I can eat 'in private', and sugar-tablets for my blood sugar. I also know that my friends will literally force me to go home to the city, if they don't see me eat - which is fair enough.

Idk. Pretty worried about this.


Any tips? Other than telling me that I need to eat when it is that hot and I am drinking that much, because I know that. But I need some more shortcuts, other than just living off granola bars.


TLDR: Going to a music festival. Lots of alcohol calories, don't know how to make myself eat. But I won't survive a week of this if I don't. Eating disorders are so much fun!!!!!

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[Rant/Rave] Today I ate a Milky Way and after I ate it I wanted to die
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Mon Jul 2 23:33:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vpp9b/today_i_ate_a_milky_way_and_after_i_ate_it_i/
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Currently sobbing because I ate a Milky Way, why did I eat it? I didn’t need it and now I’ll never lose weight. I realized this whole food thing and being obsessed with weight loss and being so zeroed in on wanting to be thin makes being alive so hard. I have never felt normal and oh my god I can’t stand waking up in my body. According to everyone I’m so “small and skinny” then why I am so disgusting? I HATE when people tell me I don’t need to lose more weight. I can’t live like this forever. Being so insecure and self-conscious all the time no matter what is ruining for me. It dawned on me tonight that’s all ever feel now and almost nothing else every other emotion has been dimmed or I don’t feel at all. It’s all I ever think about being “skinny” and I never become skinny I will never want or enjoy being alive. It’s stolen my personality and who I once was. I can’t even fully appreciate the love or good anything in my life because in the end it doesn’t matter unless I’m thin. I feel so trapped and the worst part is I know I’ll feel this way forever. I’ll never “love myself” I just know it.

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playlist!!
/u/abilifybrain
Created: Mon Jul 2 23:31:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vpouo/playlist/
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i'm always on the lookout for songs to add to my fasting playlist! send me some good ones please.

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[Discussion] DAE ever get scared that someone will think you are eating a "worse version" of food than what you are? Like a hot chocolate instead of coffee (because of course a fat person would always choose the former, amirite)
/u/silversandpiper
Created: Mon Jul 2 22:55:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vphdi/dae_ever_get_scared_that_someone_will_think_you/
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I just remembered this and it's keeping me awake cringing while I am laying in bed. I feel so stupid, but when I used to be overweight, I suddenly wouldn't eat apple slices in public (even though that is my preferred breakfast item to this day) because I realized someone might think they were potato wedges at a distance. Of course a fat person would have potato wedges for breakfast! There were probably 10 different ways to solve this apple problem (like eating a whole apple so people could see the color, ugh why was I so stupid) but I ended up just foregoing eating in public all together soon after as I started restricting food.

I am a normal weight now (restrict certain days and binge others), but I still hate eating in public for other reasons.

Am I the only person who had a stupid fear like this? I've never told anyone (obviously because it is a dead ringer for an ED to a layperson, even though it was in the past), so I wanted to share lol.

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[Rant/Rave] Oh boy I sure love spiraling into self loathing at night
/u/fehries
Created: Mon Jul 2 22:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vpdnw/oh_boy_i_sure_love_spiraling_into_self_loathing/
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I think my boyfriend isn’t attracted to me.

At first I just wrote it off as him being a little more stoic but it’s been 5 months and I can’t count the number of times he’s complimented my looks on one hand. I told him about my disordered eating and I was starting to feel better and not restrict anymore but I genuinely think I’m too fat for him.

He’s quite fit and enjoys eating a very vegetarian diet and working out, and I hate veg and can’t really work out (mainly bc I’ve got costochondritis and always get chest pain).

But I’ll send him sexy photos and he never... responds to them or just jokes about them and he never vocalizes if he finds me sexy so I reckon he’s not and it’s causing me to want to restrict again until he does.

It could just be all in my head but when has that ever stopped us? 🙃

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[Other] Haha I’m trash
/u/runningthewrongway
Created: Mon Jul 2 21:58:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vp535/haha_im_trash/
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So earlier I decided to chew a 3.5 calorie piece of gum to curb my craving for something. (Probably solid food but I don’t know) after putting it in my mouth I felt really guilty so I did 75 squats and now I feel like I’m dying and I cannot even walk.

This is going to hurt tomorrow..

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Getting worse...
/u/smileybriley11
Created: Mon Jul 2 21:51:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vp3p9/getting_worse/
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I’ve had lots of ED tendencies for awhile, but never to a major extreme (like I used to not count calories or ANYTHING) but this last year has been crazy stressful, and I’ve gained at least 15 pounds. Clothes from the beginning of the school year don’t fit anymore and I have stretch marks on my calves ):< I’m constantly fluctuating with being ok with myself and completely hating myself now. I’m already a part of a Body Dysmorphia reddit but I didn’t feel like that was what was up, so I joined this last week. Let me just say YALL ARE GREAT AND SUPPORTIVE YES! But also, I know where I’m going isn’t good but I honestly feel like it’s what I need to do, I’ve been counting my cals and I can’t get below 1200 a day ugh. I’m also on vacation with my family right now which DOES NOT HELP!!! Any advice/tips would really be appreciated, I just want to look ok again...

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How much do you exercise and does it work?
/u/pinkpandas17
Created: Mon Jul 2 21:34:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vp03u/how_much_do_you_exercise_and_does_it_work/
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i used to exercise A LOT but now i don't really anymore. i just don't feel as motivated because i know restriction is really key to weight loss.

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[Rant/Rave] Went to the doctor today
/u/maxipadparty
Created: Mon Jul 2 21:09:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vourv/went_to_the_doctor_today/
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April 2nd was the last time I saw him and he told me I needed to lose weight because I was at 233. BMI was just over 25. At my 3 month checkup today i was 50 pounds down, now at 183.

I'm a 6'7" guy.

The nurse said that "the dr will probably want to talk to you about that" with a concerned look on her face. My heart started racing and I started sweating.

He didn't say anything about it. Just talked about my depression.

I was just glad that my next appointment isn't for 6 months this time so I can keep restricting and over exercising. Back to eating then immediately doing hours of cardio until my Garmin says I've burned off the calories I ate, or fasting on the days I can't exercise even though I'm quickly approaching "underweight." My TDEE is something like 3400 calories and that number scares the shit out of me.

I'm really nervous to post this but I don't know where else to get it off my chest.

---

[Intro] Introduction of sorts. Maybe you all can relate.
/u/ohcrapitsmyface
Created: Mon Jul 2 20:59:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8voseg/introduction_of_sorts_maybe_you_all_can_relate/
---
Hi. I’m J.
I’ve interacted on this sub a bit with my main account, but I’m pretty sure my friends know my username so I’ve had to be really careful. But I want to be able to respond to you guys more effectively and substantially.
I’m 28 years old. I track my ED back to the age of 12, when all the girls started going through puberty. Most my friends started gaining weight and boobs. They told me all the time that I was “so lucky” to not have to deal with that. They told me “you are SO lucky to be thin.” They told me “you are so lucky to be able to wear anything you want.” They made me feel like I was on top of the world because I was 5’4” and naturally 90 pounds.
A year later, I got my period. I noticed the scale reach nearly 100 pounds. I freaked out. Triple digits?!! No way.
At that time (I was almost 14), I didn’t actively restrict or purge per-say; but I did obsessively track so that I could stop myself from gaining weight. The mere thought of being over 100 pounds made me feel worthless. After all, I was popular because I was thin... right?? It’s all my friends could talk about (our culture is so fucked. This is America by the way). I received compliments all the time.
Fast forward to my sophomore year of high school. I was 108 pounds. Enter anorexia.
I started restricting heavily. Anything to get back to 100 pounds. I did this for about 6 months and made it to 98 pounds. I was fine with that, but my body dysmorphia was fucked.
I went shopping with my mom one day in the spring and tried on a dress. I started sobbing in the dressing room because I swore I looked fat. My mom tried to ask what was wrong. I nearly screamed while pointing at all my “fat” rolls. Guys... it was a size 0 dress and it was baggy on me.
We left the store and my mom said she wanted to get me help. This was over 10 years ago, so EDs were even more taboo than they are now. I refused. I told her I didn’t want help. She accepted and pretended like everything was fine.
The next few months were hard on my social life. My friends would ask why I wasn’t eating as much. They would make “maybe she’s anorexic lol” jokes. But they still complimented me and told me how jealous they were that I was thin.
The summer before my junior year was a wake up call. My mom looked at me one day and started crying. She said she could see my veins, my eyes were sunken, and I looked really sick.
She was right.
I finally agreed to get help.
But help didn’t agree to me.
She made a few calls to our insurance to ask about treatment coverage. The lady on the phone told her that they don’t treat “selective illnesses.” She basically said it was my choice. No. No no no no. No. Who WANTS to be constantly obsessed? Who wants this shit to consume all thoughts? NO ONE WANTS THIS.
My mom didn’t give up though. We finally found an outpatient ED clinic.
At first, I was open, but not super cooperative. I told the therapist all my thoughts. They DX me with anxiety and depression in addition to ED. I had a rocky upbringing with abuse from my father and witnessed a nasty divorce between my parents. But I played tricks for weigh ins. The deal was that I needed to get my weight up to 110. That scared me. Since this was out patient, I would drink a half gallon of water before appointments so the scale would show a bigger number.
But over a few months, I started learning about self-worth. I played the so what game. So what if I’m not really thin? So what if I’m not the tiniest girl in my group of friends? So what?
I reached 112 pounds (for real. No water tricks). I started taking an antidepressant and anti anxiety pill. By my high school graduation, I was 5’4” and 118 pounds - the best I ever felt.
... and then I went to college.
That’s part 1 of 3. I am going to share in pieces. I don’t have a reason for it, but it feels right.
Thank you for being here.

---

[Rant/Rave] Once a week this happens 🤦‍♀️
/u/annie8979
Created: Mon Jul 2 20:46:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vopby/once_a_week_this_happens/
---
https://i.redd.it/lrrl27wdcn711.jpg

---

Sweater during cardio?
/u/AugustusMarius
Created: Mon Jul 2 20:24:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vok9u/sweater_during_cardio/
---
Can't flair bc mobile. DAE wear hoodies during cardio to burn what is probably an infinitesimal extra amount of calories?

---

skinny gossip.com?
/u/coffeeanddietcokee
Created: Mon Jul 2 20:23:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vok67/skinny_gossipcom/
---
anyone a member of skinny gossip? I really want to join so I can see all the pictures they post, because when you aren't a member you can't see some of them or enlarge them. but I really don't feel comfortable sending all of my information and a picture to a random person. is it worth it? anyone willing to share a login (thats a long shot, I know just wondering!)

---

[Help] Funny feeling in hands during fast
/u/letseatthenmakelove
Created: Mon Jul 2 20:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8voh4r/funny_feeling_in_hands_during_fast/
---
So I don’t know if this is the right place to ask this, but I’ve been fasting for about 12 hours already and I started having this super weird feeling in my hands. They are really tingly and overall feel like ants are crawling over them. Is this normal or do I need to start eating again? I mean, I’m not even hungry right now, just tired.

---

[Help] The Urge to Purge
/u/toyouisay
Created: Mon Jul 2 20:09:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vognb/the_urge_to_purge/
---
Hey, just made a month without purging (by vomiting, exercise purging is a different story but harm reduction and baby steps so).


Pretty much every dinner, I overeat or eat something that isn’t completely healthy. And pretty much every single time I want to purge. It usually goes through these three options:

1. I can exercise —> I exercise. Sometimes it’s good non calorie burning, but even if it’s cardio, I’ll be out of breath but still with a super strong desire to vomit. Even if I burn more than I consumed, I still feel all the guilt of the meal that would be “erased” by purging. Is this some indication that the exercise is slightly less disordered, emotionally?
2. I can’t exercise —> Oh god i feel like shit. I become super uncomfortable at anyone looking at my face and I can’t stand my bloat being visible on my stomach. My bdd goes wild, and I can’t focus on anything but dreaming of purging
3. I eat more and more instead until nothing could solve anything and I just have to go to sleep. Obviously not the ideal move here.

I made a month free of purging back in early march-april too, then went right back to where I started. I don’t intend to do that, and I think my ability to stop the act is under control- but how the fuck do I quiet these thoughts? It sucks, and it puts me in a shitty mood nearly every time I eat an actual meal.

---

[Help] I have no idea what I look like. I don’t know what’s real anymore.
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Mon Jul 2 20:05:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vofob/i_have_no_idea_what_i_look_like_i_dont_know_whats/
---
My face is different every day, my body size is different every day. Is this body dysmorphia? It makes me so anxious and tired and I can’t deal anymore, I just can’t.

---

[Other] I failed
/u/shy2602lee
Created: Mon Jul 2 19:38:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vo8t2/i_failed/
---
I went almost all day doing good, then I binged. On a burrito. I feel like such a piece of shit.

---

[Other] Telling my therapist the whole truth
/u/bokoblin-buddy
Created: Mon Jul 2 19:24:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vo5b0/telling_my_therapist_the_whole_truth/
---
So my therapist knows I have an eating disorder and it's one of the big reasons I see her. She knows a lot about it, but I've yet to tell her about the role of eating disorder websites in my ED.

So my eating disorder started at 6 with just bingeing. At 10, my dad decided I was too fat and took me to a personal trainer and restricted my intake to 1100-1200 calories a day. I had to write down everything i ate before i was allowed to eat it. I'd be weighed by my trainer every week. I'd eat meal replacement bars. I'd get my fat percentage checked. The whole shebang.

Well, at this point I was bingeing and fasting or bingeing and then over exercising. I turned to all those proana sites, namely MPA, for tips, tricks, support, diets, all the good stuff. I learned to fast and purge. I remember at 11 I went out to eat with my parents and did what they told me to do and ordered the lowest calorie salad and then only ate half. That was all of eaten that day. I'd go to the bathroom in the middle of class and purge. During summer I'd walk or run several miles a day and go to the pool and swim laps and then run home and eat a 200 calories sandwich and then a 300 calorie dinner.

By the time I was 12, I'd literally be on these sites every single day. I followed all their tips and advice and I downloaded thinspo to my phone so I could have it handy. I made collages. I used their excuses for skipping meals. Then I had short stint without them and then was back on at 14. Que hospitalization, and then back on. Although it's horrible to think that I did this to myself at such a young age, I'm more pissed off that I was never underweight.

Anyway, I'm going to tell her this stuff tomorrow. I think it's important and really shaped the way my disorder took hold. Thanks for listening.

---

[Other] Telling my therapist the whole truth
/u/bokoblin-buddy
Created: Mon Jul 2 19:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vo594/telling_my_therapist_the_whole_truth/
---
So my therapist knows I have an eating disorder and it's one of the big reasons I see her. She knows a lot about it, but I've yet to tell her about the role of eating disorder websites in my ED.

So my eating disorder started at 6 with just bingeing. At 10, my dad decided I was too fat and took me to a personal trainer and restricted my intake to 1100-1200 calories a day. I had to write down everything i ate before i was allowed to eat it. I'd be weighed by my trainer every week. I'd eat meal replacement bars. I'd get my fat percentage checked. The whole shebang.

Well, at this point I was bingeing and fasting or bingeing and then over exercising. I turned to all those proana sites, namely MPA, for tips, tricks, support, diets, all the good stuff. I learned to fast and purge. I remember at 11 I went out to eat with my parents and did what they told me to do and ordered the lowest calorie salad and then only ate half. That was all of eaten that day. I'd go to the bathroom in the middle of class and purge. During summer I'd walk or run several miles a day and go to the pool and swim laps and then run home and eat a 200 calories sandwich and then a 300 calorie dinner.

By the time I was 12, I'd literally be on these sites every single day. I followed all their tips and advice and I downloaded thinspo to my phone so I could have it handy. I made collages. I used their excuses for skipping meals. Then I had short stint without them and then was back on at 14. Que hospitalization, and then back on. Although it's horrible to think that I did this to myself at such a young age, I'm more pissed off that I was never underweight.

Anyway, I'm going to tell her this stuff tomorrow. I think it's important and really shaped the way my disorder took hold. Thanks for listening.

---

THIS is why I weigh everything /:
/u/dontthinkineedyou
Created: Mon Jul 2 19:22:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vo4q2/this_is_why_i_weigh_everything/
---
So I bought some bagel thins that are supposed to be 100 calories a serving. A serving is supposed to be 45g. Now I know I can't expect each bagel thin to be exactly 45g, I'm pretty forgiving of a +/- 5g discrepancy. Guys. I opened up my package of these bad boys and I could just tell before I set it on my scale that it was WAY over 45g. This bagel thicc was 75 grams! SEVENTY. FIVE. That added an extra almost 70 calories to my meal. ):

And they have the nerve to put [this](http://papapita.com/file/2015/11/PNG_Wheat-Skinny-Bagels-Face-Slick.png) guy on the packaging.

---

strategy for the 4th of july holiday
/u/smallest_madeline
Created: Mon Jul 2 19:17:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vo3j3/strategy_for_the_4th_of_july_holiday/
---
Hey! Those of you who are living in the US, what's your strategy to survive the 4th of July holidays? I try not to draw too much attention to myself.

In prep I'm fasting (started last night) until the BBQ I'm attending on the 4th. I am going to wait until someone offers me food and then make a play filled with veggies, fruit and then a hamburger (I will try to wait until the buns are all gone or if not i'll get one but pick it apart so that I mostly only eat the meat). I definitely will not finished my plate. Hopefully I can successfully avoid dessert too. I think we're doing pie and ice cream so hopefully everyone else will be selfish enough that there won't be any left for me. Haha! Then I'll try to fast the rest of the weekend. Hoping I don't get roped into other food-centered celebrations.

What about you guys?

---

[Discussion] DAE feel excited about living on your own eventually?
/u/52-blue
Created: Mon Jul 2 19:13:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vo2lm/dae_feel_excited_about_living_on_your_own/
---
I guess this is relevant to those who live with their family or simply have a roomate.

I really fantasize about having an empty fridge and it being ok. Also it's not that "acceptable" to say "I'm full" after just cutting up the food in 53 pieces on your plate.

Also, fellow people on this subreddit who finally moved out and are living alone/with someone who doesn't care or notice, has it changed anything?

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Im about to break a 60 hour fast, trying so hard not to binge while doing so
/u/motherofdick
Created: Mon Jul 2 19:11:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vo23w/im_about_to_break_a_60_hour_fast_trying_so_hard/
---
I havent eaten anything yet, I just got into a fight with my friend and Im prone to emotional eating...

Tips or tricks? Im so angry rn i feel like im best off to just do it and purge after but ive never done that before and would sort of rather keep it that way

---

Best low calorie ice cream?
/u/sun_divine
Created: Mon Jul 2 19:10:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vo1q4/best_low_calorie_ice_cream/
---
I love banana chocolate chunk ice cream but my favorite brand is 720 calories per pint and I always end up eating it all at once like an animal lmao. I tried the Halo Top banana ice cream but it was pretty nasty, but maybe that's just not their best flavor.

What are y'alls favorite low calorie ice cream? I'm open to most any flavors as long as it's not mint. Banana, chocolate, and strawberry are my favorites.

---

[Rant/Rave] I dont want progress pics this time
/u/voldemortspares
Created: Mon Jul 2 19:07:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vo12k/i_dont_want_progress_pics_this_time/
---
I binged myself to obesity again after trying to stop the binging and purging cycle. People told me that if I stop purging then I would stop binging too. That i needed to learn to love myself and that everything would be alright, you know the whole you dont have to do this to yourself bullshit that regular people preach. Well, now I need to lose 50 lbs to get back to where I was before. It sucks, but i will get it done. My only consolation is that i know how to lose weight properly this time around. I know how to speed up the process. I know this time and it only a matter of watching time pass. Thats why after everything, i dont want progress pics. I dont want to see myself, how i look 50 lbs lighter 8 months ago and how fat i am now. And you know what sucks? I can't get rid of the progress pics no matter how many times i delete them. Its like google pics is mocking me everytime they poop up.

---

[Discussion] Obviously unhealthy thoughts
/u/Poopburb
Created: Mon Jul 2 18:50:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vnwer/obviously_unhealthy_thoughts/
---
But does anyone else see the stomach of like a 10 year old and get super jealous? Obviously they haven’t gone through puberty but their stomachs are always so flat I get jealous and think “I want mine to look like that!” I know this is super gross thinking but this is what goes through my head with an ED.

---

Day 1 of full on self-imposed recovery
/u/MissMagus
Created: Mon Jul 2 18:17:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vno5h/day_1_of_full_on_selfimposed_recovery/
---
Got to 89 pounds at 5'6". Bruses everywhere. Lookin sick. Feeling sick. Over it.

Things I've learned today - pooping sucks right now, eggs and porridge are a god send, fried food send me into a panic attack, and I really missed cereal.

Also, beer helps take the edge off and I dont have to feel bad for drinking it cause I'm aiming high today. Tryna get to at least 2500 (3000 ideally) a day till I gain 8 pounds. Today was probably only 1500 to 2000 but still. I'M TRYING.

---

[Help] Im extremely bloated and feel like I want to die
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Mon Jul 2 18:12:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vnmqr/im_extremely_bloated_and_feel_like_i_want_to_die/
---
Ok, I made a post about eating normally the other day and I’ve really been trying to do it. Im going on holiday in four days with my bf (for two and a half weeks!) and I know I’ll have to eat normal amounts there, so I’ve been trying to from beforehand to get accustomed to and over the constant binging. I did this a month ago for just a week and I was fine, eventually the ED thoughts were too strong and I went back to restricting but I barely gained! I’ve been eating normally for three days and I feel disgusting and am so bloated I look like I could be pregnant! Does anyone know why this is happening or how to stop it? From Friday onward I’m in a swimsuit and I don’t wanna feel like a whale on an amazing holiday :(

---

[Help] SOS PLZ STOP A BINGE
/u/tuesdayschildis
Created: Mon Jul 2 18:12:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vnmqc/sos_plz_stop_a_binge/
---
I’m back on my keto bullshit and now there’s cake in the motherfucking house. I blended protein powder and black coffee so I’m full but hahahaha my ED doesn’t understand full.
I need your *best* don’t binge advice/tips/horror stories/etc.
somehow knowing I will wake up heavy and puffy tomorrow isn’t enough at the moment...
I locked the cake away but it’s tempting the fuck out of me! Help a weak bitch OUT

---

Finally getting evaluated tomorrow.
/u/ricerollers
Created: Mon Jul 2 18:04:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vnkpo/finally_getting_evaluated_tomorrow/
---
I’m super anxious, I’m going to a mental health clinic to get evaluated. They say it’s going to be a two-hour process. My mind keeps giving me reasons not to go but I know I need to. I’m tired of feeling suicidal. I’m tired of the bingeing. I’m tired of my obsession. I’m just tired of all of this. I’m ready to get better.

---

[Help] Anyone else in ballet?
/u/nordic_alien
Created: Mon Jul 2 17:47:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vngmt/anyone_else_in_ballet/
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Does anyone else obsess over what the successful dancers (super tiny) are eating? I want to get as small as possible so I can be successful too but I get light headed so easily when I restrict. But I also know you need to at least reasonably restrict to get the correct look in the first place.

Any suggestions? Would love to hear from other ballerinas ❤️

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Want to walk around endlessly, but it's +100 degrees and I feel like a pig :-) HALP
/u/eeeee_squared
Created: Mon Jul 2 17:39:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vnem4/want_to_walk_around_endlessly_but_its_100_degrees/
---
I want to walk, or bike around, for hours on end while playing Poke'mon Go, so I can spend the day burning calories. I found doing low-intensity, extended cardio helps me the most in terms of weight loss regarding "work outs"... high-intensity just makes me suuuper hungry. Plus the longer I am out of the house, the less tempted to eat.

Problem? IT'S OVER 100 DEGREES OUTSIDE. Also there's cars passing by outside, looking at my fat hog-ass. I also have mad social anxiety and going to a gym is like hell, the whole process is awkward as fuck.

What do yall do? I HAVE to spend the next 10 days working out AS MUCH as I can and lose as much as possible. I know, I know... we ALL want to lose "x" amount of "x" amount of days... but fuck.

Short of popping adderalls, sticking to low-carb/keto, under 500 cals, and some outdoor and indoor workouts, wtf can I do? I would cut my arm off tbh :)))))

I FEEL TOO ANXIOUS AND GROSS TO BE SEEN IN PUBLIC REEEEE

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[Discussion] How do you stop the binge restrict binge cycle?
/u/reanbean117
Created: Mon Jul 2 17:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vnem0/how_do_you_stop_the_binge_restrict_binge_cycle/
---
I need to stop eating so fucking much food! Can't afford to gain another pound. Wish I had the mindset like I used to of restricting when I'm depressed/anxious instead of eating a bunch of food...

---

[Discussion] DAE feel lucky to genuinely like fruits and vegetables?
/u/Burlesqua
Created: Mon Jul 2 17:31:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vncor/dae_feel_lucky_to_genuinely_like_fruits_and/
---
Idk that’s like one thing I cannot hate myself about lmao

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[Tip] Tea Tree Oil Shampoo
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Mon Jul 2 17:04:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vn5ss/tea_tree_oil_shampoo/
---
Hair breakage is something none of us wanna deal with, but let's face it, we all do eventually, and i've finally found something that helps that ISN'T expensive pills or extensions or salon visits!

Tea Tree Oil shampoo!!!

I got a 32 oz bottle of the off-brand stuff from walmart (bottle says it's their equivalent of OGX's Tea Tree Oil and Mint) for like ten bucks and ohhh man it's really crushed my expectations. i only got it because it's what I used when I was little and i was feeling nostalgic, but holy shit my hair is so strong lately. I can run my fingers through it without coming away with a fistful or fallen strands. It's thicker and softer and that's troll-doll quality it's taken on since my relapse is just disappearing before my eyes. It's even getting longer faster! I usually average *maybe* a quarter of an inch every two months but i swear my roots are getting longer everyday. I can't recommend it enough. On top of all the hair health benefits, the mint smell is just so, SO soothing and I know a lot of us have anxiety problems on top of eating issues. It's such a little thing but it's really improved my quality of life a lot for a bottle of friggin shampoo.

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[Rant/Rave] "Your chest bones are showing, you need to gain weight, but also do some ab workouts because all of your weight is in your stomach right now"
/u/madeinny88
Created: Mon Jul 2 16:59:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vn4mc/your_chest_bones_are_showing_you_need_to_gain/
---
This is what my husband said to me as he was getting in the shower to have sex with me, LOL. Could you be any more contradictory, dude? You're telling me how I need to gain weight to look better but also telling me my stomach is flabby, not sure what I'm supposed to do with that.

Well I had 2 kids, and I'm on my period right now so I'm pretty bloated, maybe that's why my stomach is huge right now? Is it acceptable for me to start criticizing his body as well? I should have looked at him and said "i only have one word for you... cheeseburgers. Eat some."

I'm not even really mad I'm just blown away by how people think it's acceptable to make comments about each other's bodys if the person is anywhere close to underweight

---

[Tip] A little tip for when purging
/u/acykq
Created: Mon Jul 2 16:19:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vmu5d/a_little_tip_for_when_purging/
---
I'm sure someone else has thought of it but just in case you didn't know:

If you don't want to stand flushing the toilet repeatedly for ages after a purge session, possibly raising suspicion, put shampoo, body wash or dish soap down the toilet. It will foam up when you flush it and mask any remaining fat film that lies on the water, will also help for flushing the film away as soap clings to fat.

---

I hate that purging helps me lose weight
/u/coffidu
Created: Mon Jul 2 16:18:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vmtr5/i_hate_that_purging_helps_me_lose_weight/
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I've been purging for around 9 years and whenever I do it regularly, I end up losing weight as if I was restricting. although it's good in the short term - I lose weight! - I know it's awful in the long term, because I've got next to no incentive to stop.

I *did* quit purging for close to a year, but due to repeated failures at restricting I started again. like clockwork, I've instantly gone from gaining weight to losing weight.

I know that my teeth are fucked. I know that I'm damaging my heart. I'm constantly exhausted, weak, shaky, I have pins and needles in my hands and legs, my throat hurts, I'm dizzy when I stand up. and yet I can't stop, I don't *want* to stop, because I know this is the only thing that works for me in terms of losing weight.

I love purging... but I think I hate it even more. I wish I could stop. I wish I could just restrict.

---

Anyone else ever worry that this subreddit will get banned one day?
/u/ReasonableSwan
Created: Mon Jul 2 16:03:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vmpt1/anyone_else_ever_worry_that_this_subreddit_will/
---
I/We know that the subreddit name isn't a representation of the attitude here, but sometimes I worry that reddit admins may ban it one day anyway. I've never really liked MPA or Tumblr or any other forums/communities so it would be pretty sad.

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[Discussion] Why do you C/S?
/u/strawberrybubblegam
Created: Mon Jul 2 15:53:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vmmqs/why_do_you_cs/
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Sorry if this has already been asked, but i’m super curious. What drives some to C/S? Does it have bad side affects? Is it worth it? My disorder doesn’t really fit along the lines of c/s (an, restrictive) and i’m just curious. No judgement !

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Feeling desperate. Please help.
/u/RaineeRose
Created: Mon Jul 2 15:16:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vmcmj/feeling_desperate_please_help/
---
I've been restricting for a couple of weeks, but today I was stressed and let myself eat, and I feel gross and disgusting and horrible. I hate myself. I ate so much... I want to die. I'm sitting here feeling all my bones and looking at my thighs which had finally started to be thin, and I'm so fucking angry. I'd been losing weight steadily. Have I undone it all now? I hate myself so much. Please tell me if I just ruined everything...

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Thank god for CICO, the only thing I trust
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Mon Jul 2 14:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vm1tz/thank_god_for_cico_the_only_thing_i_trust/
---
Numbers

I love numbers

I love my girl CICO

It's so much simpler than people think- find out your TDEE and don't eat above it. Bingo bango bongo. Weight loss.

Crazy.

---

Well that was a nice two months of recovery. Hi again!!
/u/shelifts45
Created: Mon Jul 2 14:35:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vm0ys/well_that_was_a_nice_two_months_of_recovery_hi/
---
So I pursued recovery for all of two months. Felt fat and gross and gain and voila here I am! Started last night with a nice 19 hour fast. Ended it and didn't binge like crazy. Hoping to go for 24 hours or more now.!

---

Food Looks Disgusting to Me After Wellbutrin Dosage is Increased
/u/kelly_kelli
Created: Mon Jul 2 14:04:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vls27/food_looks_disgusting_to_me_after_wellbutrin/
---
Like the title says, my doctor upped my Wellbutrin from 300mg to 450mg everyday. This is with 20mg of Prozac. Ever since I started on the Wellbutrin, food has looked disgusting to me. But I still overeat. Then, I feel so fat I have to purge. I can't seem to shake off the overeating even though I'm disgusted when I do eat. Has anyone had this happen?

I've been purging on and off for the past 5 years due to my ex boyfriend telling me," nobody wants a fat chick. Everyone wants a skinny bitch." I thought I had it under control but I guess not.

---

Read this if you feel like binging!
/u/rhymingfool4u
Created: Mon Jul 2 14:02:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vlrkn/read_this_if_you_feel_like_binging/
---
"The first lick of an ice cream cone is heaven. Ten licks later, your attention wanders. You start thinking about the next thing on your agenda, and the next. You still love the ice cream, but you don’t feel it as much because it’s not new information. Your brain is looking for the next great way to meet your needs. Dopamine is triggered by new rewards. Old rewards, even incredibly creamy-delicious ones, don’t command your brain’s attention. Scientists call this habituation." 

The first bite of cake on cheat day brings so much pleasure. But if you keep eating, you don't increasing pleasure. In fact, the amount of pleasure you get with each next bite seems to decrease.

---

I think I am finally ready to focus on recovery
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Mon Jul 2 13:59:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vlqe3/i_think_i_am_finally_ready_to_focus_on_recovery/
---
This time I feel like I just dont wanna live like this anymore for real. I was trying to lose weight for my friend's wedding and although I did lose weight my eating disorder kept me from fully enjoying it. I barely ate all day bc I knew I'd be eating a lot at the reception so I ended up getting super drunk really quick.

I missed cake cutting and part of the dancing because I was throwing up from drinking to much (in all honesty I felt like I was gonna puke and just made myself do it to get it over with). I brought my bff as my date and she knows about my bulimia and looking back I'm afraid I made her uncomfortable by taking a break to throw up. Everyone else at the wedding was just like "this girl drank too much" and I think my friend might have known "this girl drank too much and had to go purge.

I do not want to keep missing out on life. I want to be an active participant. I dont want to die from an eating disorder.

I have a therapy appointment today and I am going to ask about strategies to be okay being full, work on what to do when I feel a binge coming on, and work on my compulsion to calorie count when I'm eating healthy.

Do I still want to lose weight? Hell yes. I'm 5'3 and 166ish. Medically I need to lose weight. But will I be healthy losing another 30lbs like I lost the last 30? Absolutely not. Do I still have constant ED thoughts? Yes. Will I feel this good about wanting to recover tomorrow? Probably not. But now that I have felt ready and I know I can feel ready again if I dont tomorrow.

---

I forgot how bad my eating was until I googled the average calorie intake....
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Mon Jul 2 13:54:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vlp64/i_forgot_how_bad_my_eating_was_until_i_googled/
---
I mean, 2000-2500kcal? Per *day* ? No thanks, I'll stick to my 1000kcal and under, thank you. I'd probably gain 20lbs in a week if I started eating like a 'normal' person.

---

When you ate way to much but decided not to purge anymore
/u/EDProgrammer
Created: Mon Jul 2 13:43:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vlm4j/when_you_ate_way_to_much_but_decided_not_to_purge/
---
https://i.redd.it/daya55s29l711.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] When you are to much but decided not to purge anymore
/u/EDProgrammer
Created: Mon Jul 2 13:43:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vlm2c/when_you_are_to_much_but_decided_not_to_purge/
---
https://i.redd.it/9pao9nxx8l711.jpg

---

The upside to being poor
/u/tinymocha
Created: Mon Jul 2 13:31:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vlin3/the_upside_to_being_poor/
---
You don’t even have to worry about overeating because you can’t afford any! :))

---

Bulimia recovery
/u/olga_vodka
Created: Mon Jul 2 13:04:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vlayw/bulimia_recovery/
---
After bulimia recovery.. does the reflux ever go away? Does the esophageal sphincter "learn" to close after recovery? I'm so scared i did irreversible damage.. i can't sleep at night

---

Any 'anorexic' fit YouTubers I can use as role models?
/u/tinnyminny
Created: Mon Jul 2 12:41:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vl413/any_anorexic_fit_youtubers_i_can_use_as_role/
---
It seems like a lot of the 'healthy' YouTubers are kinda too fat for me tbh, even though they're normal by societal standards. Who are some thinner fit YouTubers I can look up to (no, not dying Eugenia Cooney types)?

---

First binge in forever; thanks alcohol & pms.
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Mon Jul 2 12:36:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vl2jj/first_binge_in_forever_thanks_alcohol_pms/
---
I'm not saying I 100% blame the alcohol or the PMS but fuck, it wasn't worth it. I know I'm not even over my calories from it either, I guess as long as I don't eat today. I over fucking slept as well. Just a lazy & worthless again. Waiting for the combo of laxatives (herbal and this other type) to kick in. I'm just over myself and it's only Monday. Time to try to work out I guess as well.


Hope everyone else is having a better Monday compared to me.

---

Friends encouraging disordered eating
/u/lfhduivti
Created: Mon Jul 2 12:22:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vky50/friends_encouraging_disordered_eating/
---
I lost a lot of weight by not eating (like eating a meal or two per week) for several months. I went from a size 18 to a size 8 in 5 months. Everyone around me is congratulating me on the weight loss even though they SAW how it happened and how unhealthy it was.

Wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t feel just as fat today as I did when I was 200+lbs. I’m 27, always thought I was too old for this. Felt like it was a teenage thing I avoided gracefully.

There’s something about fighting off hunger pangs that I can’t explain. Makes me feel on top of my shit. Fighting off the hunger until I like what I see in the mirror.

---

[Help] Does slim fast work?
/u/acykq
Created: Mon Jul 2 12:17:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vkwrq/does_slim_fast_work/
---
Pretty much what it says in the title. I bought a tub of the vanilla flavoured powder today. I know it has a lot of sugar, but it also has quite a bit of protein and fibre. I was planning on drinking that and taking multivitamins.

---

[Rant/Rave] TIFU by accidentally spilling my C/S bag all over my clothes.
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine
Created: Mon Jul 2 12:11:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vkuum/tifu_by_accidentally_spilling_my_cs_bag_all_over/
---
Yes, you read that correctly lady’s and gents.

Behind closed doors, I chew and spit food into a little ziplock bags in order to control my binging urges.

I usually take a bite of a forbidden food, swish water around with every bite, and spit it out in a little bag.

Well today I was doing that and I put the bag down on my dresser and all the fluid in the bag sloshed over to one side and made the open bag fall. Into my drawer. While open. And over all of my clothes.

So my clothes just lay there covered in chewed up watery chocolate graham cracker fluid. Lovely.

They’re currently in the washer now and I’m just sitting here contemplating my life choices.

Just thought I’d share this Glamorous Tale™️ with all of ya’ll today.

---

[Rant/Rave] TIF by accidentally spilling my c&s bag all over my clothes.
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine
Created: Mon Jul 2 12:10:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vkuio/tif_by_accidentally_spilling_my_cs_bag_all_over/
---
Yes, you read that correctly lady’s and gents.

Behind closed doors, I chew and spit food into a little ziplock bags in order to control my binging urges.

I usually take a bite of a forbidden food, swish water around with every bite, and spit it out in a little bag.

Well today I was doing that and I put the bag down on my dresser and all the fluid in the bag sloshed over to one side and made the open bag fall. Into my drawer. While open. And over all of my clothes.

So my clothes just lay there covered in chewed up watery chocolate graham cracker fluid. Lovely.

They’re currently in the washer now and I’m just sitting here contemplating my life choices.

Just thought I’d share this Glamorous Tale™️ with all of ya’ll today.

---

Gaining and about to dump the BF
/u/galacticshock
Created: Mon Jul 2 12:01:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vks3b/gaining_and_about_to_dump_the_bf/
---
I hurt my knee so I had to stop running and now I’ve gained like 8kgs in about 12 weeks!!! I’m devastated. I am so hungry and I don’t normally feel hunger. I’ve missed the last few appointments with my doctors, but I’m sick of them going on at me about getting blood tests every week. I’ve put on weight...I’m not at risk of starvation syndrome.

And tonight it’s finally hit me: I’ve just realised I’m going to break up with my boyfriend. Which is heartbreaking; I feel humiliated. I broke up with him at the start of the year and I should have stuck with it. But I went back to him. I just wanted someone to love me but now I realise he doesn’t even do that. Today I asked him if I ask too much of him...is it too much to ask him to change his underwear or have a shower. I told him that lack of personal hygiene is a dealbreaker for me. He gets a bit upset...and he still comes to bed tonight wearing the same underwear he’s been wearing since at least Saturday...I actually fear he’s been wearing them since Friday. He’s going through work stuff and is on stress leave, but I’ve been kidding myself there has always been an under current of poor hygiene I just always found myself making excuses. It’s going to end. He’s my only friend and I can’t believe I’m about to do that. Anyone have advice for breaking up with someone?

I just feel so disrespected. On a day when I realise how much I’ve gained just makes me feel more like shit. I’m not going back to the doctors this week either. I’m fine.

Be true to yourselves
Love x

---

"No one likes girls who are tiny bony"
/u/gldedbttrfly
Created: Mon Jul 2 11:54:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vkpxl/no_one_likes_girls_who_are_tiny_bony/
---
I've been trying to lose weight ever since I had my baby, so far I'm doing pretty okay, I'm not at my goal weight but I'm close-ish.

I've been doing a lot of workouts and my boyfriend hit me with this sentence the other day. Funny how he goes in between saying no one likes bony girls and calling me fat.

ugh.

---

[Discussion] anyone else overwhelmed by how long it will take to reach their goal?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Mon Jul 2 11:54:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vkpr7/anyone_else_overwhelmed_by_how_long_it_will_take/
---
Sometimes I realize I'll be there in 6 months easy peasy but sometimes I just wish it would come off fucking faster. It feels so hard to lose even 10lbs even though I'm restricting a lot and running a lot. :(

---

a lot of pain after purging
/u/serenity1954
Created: Mon Jul 2 11:37:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vkknr/a_lot_of_pain_after_purging/
---
i’m in a lot a lot a lot of pain after purging like i’m sweating and shaking and i almost curled up on the floor. first i purges then i got unreal cramps so i tried to lie down. i went to take a shit and i couldn’t because i was in too much pain to the point where i was holding onto the bath tub to support me. so i filled the bath to get in and started to feel better so i went to go to sleep but i thought maybe i should try to take a shit first. same excruciating pain, shaking, trembling you name it and it made a disturbing bubbling noise like in my buttocks. i felt like if i shit my whole stomach would come out too. please any advice am i ok

---

Naltrexone for binge eating?
/u/yealso820
Created: Mon Jul 2 11:32:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vkj5x/naltrexone_for_binge_eating/
---
so my psychiatrist just prescribed me Naltrexone (typically used to help people suffering from drug/alc addictions i believe) to help with my binge eating as my Prozac pretty much stopped working in regards to binge eating. Has anyone used this med for any reason and did it affect your appetite/binging at all? Side effects? would appreciate anyone’s experience with it 😬

---

HO LEE SHITE
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Mon Jul 2 11:23:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vkg9a/ho_lee_shite/
---
So a friend/old hookup just told me he won an all expenses paid trip to Croatia in October and asked if I wanted to go with him. OH MA GAH. If there was EVER an incentive to get skinny this is it. I couldn’t have asked for better motivation. Woah woah it’s is amazing.

---

[Rant/Rave] Losing trust in scales
/u/PoppyViolet_
Created: Mon Jul 2 11:20:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vkfgj/losing_trust_in_scales/
---
So basically- when two weeks in full binge mode and couldn’t purge because I’m supposed to be getting into recovery and also my roommate was home and she knows about all of this.

I could swear down I had gained more weight than I had when I stood on the scales this morning. I don’t feel the weight I am and it’s driving me mad. I moved the scales around and tried weighing myself again and it’s always the same - which is probably my actual weight - but I just don’t trust it. I feel 3lbs heavier at least but I don’t know what to believe.

Will weigh again after work but I’m hoping there’s a decent drop after the last two days

---

Jealousy Had Dictated My Recovery
/u/daisyrosesunflower
Created: Mon Jul 2 11:14:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vkdj8/jealousy_had_dictated_my_recovery/
---
This may sound stupid but when I was in hospitalization I was jealous of the girls that had to go to Inpatient. I was jealous of them because word got back that they had to be tubed. Even though I was under weight and had developed osteopenia, my vitals were normal.

I never felt good enough or deserving of treatment because I feel like I’m not sick enough.

Those girls went to homes that actually helped them recover because they learned tools and had more help.

They only fed me, weight restored me, and didn’t teach me anything to help me with body image.

I’m jealous of the treatment they got and I didn’t. No inpatient recovery center will ever take me now that I’m fat again.

---

EC stack
/u/rhymingfool4u
Created: Mon Jul 2 10:56:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vk839/ec_stack/
---
Wow. I can’t believe I haven’t tried this before! I took 12.5mg/100mg (Primatine/caffeine) at 7am and 11am today and my appetite is non-existent. I had about 100 calories of oatmeal this morning and I can’t even think about food.

Has anybody else tried this? What’s your results been like?

---

[Rant/Rave] Almost passed out today :(
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Mon Jul 2 10:26:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vjyzn/almost_passed_out_today/
---
I decided to go to the mall today and it's only a short walk from my house, but it's 30°C outside and I haven't eaten in a whole 24 hours. I sat down in the tiny amount of shade there was because I felt like I was going to throw up and my vision was getting all blurry and I knew if I kept going without cooling off at least a little I would faint for sure. Fortunately a couple guys drove by right after I did and realized something was up. One guy went to get security and some water for me while the other looked after me. Even while we waited though I was still getting worse. My hands started going numb and I could move them. The guy watching me offered to let me drink the water he had in the car, so yeah I drank a stranger's water. It really helped though. It was really cold. I was able to get up and walk into the mall just a minute or two after drinking it. I told them I was just in the heat too long, but that's not even true. I'm really scared of what would have happened if they hadn't noticed me.

---

Is there a way to EC stack from amazon?
/u/lunartalk
Created: Mon Jul 2 10:21:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vjxec/is_there_a_way_to_ec_stack_from_amazon/
---
Pretty much what the title says. I’m 17 and have trouble finding brokaid. Can I even legally get it because of my age? I’ve always just assumed buying the stuff online is easier.

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[Other] My anti-binge ED journal for July
/u/Baby-Baphomet
Created: Mon Jul 2 10:12:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vjuwx/my_antibinge_ed_journal_for_july/
---
http://imgur.com/gallery/Utik5UQ

---

[Help] I need to lose my recovery weight... help?
/u/coffee-bun
Created: Mon Jul 2 09:54:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vjp70/i_need_to_lose_my_recovery_weight_help/
---
Hey guys, I post here regularly from a different account so I just made a throwaway for this question. I kind of feel ashamed asking it.


I’ve gained about 10 pounds in recovery (from 100 lbs to 110 lbs, I’m 5’5) and I need to get it off of me. I can’t live like this. The only problem is now that I can barely restrict at all anymore.


I can physically restrict but by the end of the night I have thoughts like “you need to be eating, you have to recover, you’re going to lose your hair” etc etc. and I end up binging.


I really need help. 110 is past the point of uncomfortable for me and I just feel so, so miserable. I don’t know what I’m really asking for. I just need some advice for how I can get past my fake “recovery” as an excuse to binge and lose this weight again. I’m sorry if this is violating any rules, I just don’t know where else to ask. I can’t live like this anymore.

---

[Rant/Rave] just being dumb
/u/serketcircuit
Created: Mon Jul 2 09:25:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vjhe0/just_being_dumb/
---
ive never been on a date and im not sure i want to so it doesnt even really matter, but the way the disordered side of my brain handles attraction is dumb

like, of course i think im too fat for a thin or normal sized partner. nobody thinner than me would want me, blah blah, you know the drill

but i also think im too fat for an overweight partner? like my ed doesnt interfere too much with me finding plus sized girls attractive most of the time, but it does give me the logic that obviously none of them would be interested either, because *im* the *wrong* kind of fat. im not allowed to be attractive, just them

🤦

---

Day 1 of my 5 day fast
/u/natalieday12
Created: Mon Jul 2 09:00:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vjal6/day_1_of_my_5_day_fast/
---
Hey everyone! Today is the first day of what will hopefully be my first 5 day fast, so I’m posting it here for accountability/encouragement! Feel free to drop any tips or tricks you have for keeping it from my coworkers and family, or how to make it better and most effective! Thanks :)

---

How has your weight impacted your career (if at all)?
/u/BonnePomme
Created: Mon Jul 2 08:43:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vj5vt/how_has_your_weight_impacted_your_career_if_at_all/
---
I'm not speaking in terms of ability to function (i.e. restricting too much to get work done, avoiding important meetings because there is food, etc.) but rather whether your weight and outward appearance has at all hindered your career.

I graduated in May with a degree in computer science, and am starting my first full time job in August. I interned at this company previously so they're aware of my appearance, although I do wear big / flowy skirts and dresses that do a decent job of concealing how underweight I am.

I saw my dad last weekend and he proceeded to give me a lecture about how important appearance is to the workplace and one's ability to advance their career, and that no one will take me seriously at work while I am at my current weight, regardless of my performance and abilities.

I'm curious to hear if any of you have found that to be true.

---

Ambilify Weight Gain?
/u/RainbowCrash311
Created: Mon Jul 2 08:08:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8viwti/ambilify_weight_gain/
---
My doctor wants me to start on Ambilify for intrusive thoughts. I want it to have a good effect on my productivity.
, but I am to nervous to take it because weight gain is listed as a symptom. I am a 25 y/o woman with a 19.8 BMI.

Have you guys ever taken it. Does it cause weight gain? I was prescribed it a week ago and cant bring myself to take it

---

[Rant/Rave] Just weighed myself for the first time post treatment
/u/edthrowaway77
Created: Mon Jul 2 07:59:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8viu7s/just_weighed_myself_for_the_first_time_post/
---
And I feel so fucking betrayed. I figured I had gained a lot but after weeks of them telling me my weight is fine I come to find out I weigh 148 which is so far beyond what is reasonable I want to cry. I get that being under 110 at 5’8” wasn’t ideal but they took me so far in the other direction I want to scream and cry and never talk to my family again because this was their doing.

---

[Rant/Rave] is any1 else sUiCiDaL? [tw suicide]
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Mon Jul 2 07:47:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8virc9/is_any1_else_suicidal_tw_suicide/
---
I have such a bad relationship w food.
I have such a bad relationship w my family.
I starve myself in hopes to die
The only thing that keeps me alive is the high of starving myself

Guys I really don’t know. I just need to rant because there’s literally no one I can talk to. I just hate life so much. My birthday is in around a month— and I’m planning on killing myself on my birthday so that my parents don’t have to deal w two separate days to remember me by. My fucked up mind thinks that’s so kind of me, but how kind of me is it to leave my two best friends and my family. There are times that love my family and I know they love me, but they have difficulty showing it. The last time I attempted they were DESTROYED. No one could function at all. But they don’t show it like that otherwise. And honestly, I’m so selfish that at this point I don’t care about what their feelings are, I can’t go on. I’m giving myself a month to see what happens, and on my sixteenth bday I think I will say goodbye. I’ve been suicidal since I was SIX.

My eating disorder hurts my family EVERY SINGLE DAY, so killing myself will rip off the bandaid

I’m not here for attention, I just need to rant. And I’m not on r/depression bc all of the posts are identical and food is honestly a major factor in my decision. I love u all honestly and I don’t know what I want out of this post. I don’t really want people to tell me not to do it; I still have a month.

X

---

[Rant/Rave] My ED is about to shift into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE.
/u/nachosurfer
Created: Mon Jul 2 07:32:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vinl3/my_ed_is_about_to_shift_into_maximum_overdrive/
---
I’m freaking out, tbh. I’ve got two big events coming up and I feel like I have to hit my goals or they will be ruined.

First, in 11 days my favorite aunt and uncle are coming up to visit. I haven’t seen them in 4 years, and the last time they saw me I weighed about 200 lbs, had terrible skin and dressed like a teenager that was set loose in a thrift store. I’m now 135 lbs, my skin has cleared up, and my fashion sense has (thankfully) improved. I’m becoming obsessive about how they’ll react when they see me.

Then, in August, my boyfriend and I are planning a trip to Myrtle Beach for my birthday. I want to be 125 lbs for that. Walking around on the beach in just my bathing suit is a terrifying thought. But I want to be comfortable enough to not feel the need to hide beneath a tee shirt or coverup. I want to have a good time and my stupid brain is convinced that the vacation will be ruined if I don’t lose 10 lbs before that.

Right now I’m planing on doing OMAD/liquid fasts until my aunt and uncle come into town. I know we’ll be going out to dinner a lot while they’re here and I’m going to have to focus on OMAD/maintaining while they’re here. I hopefully will drop 5 lbs before then. That’ll give me almost a month to drop another 5 lbs to be 125 lbs for Myrtle Beach. The ocean is my absolute favorite place to be and I’m already so excited that I can barely stand it. But I need to be “skinny” for that vacation. I have to be.

---

[Goal] Elisabeth of Bavaria - Sissi (1837 - 1898) 5'8"|110lbs She apparently had anorexia/bulimia. Weighed herself up to three times a day and whenever her weight threatened to exceed fifty kilos, a "fasting cure" or "hunger cure" would follow, which involved almost complete fasting.
/u/cozyday
Created: Mon Jul 2 07:29:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vimu5/elisabeth_of_bavaria_sissi_1837_1898_58110lbs_she/
---
https://i.redd.it/hblkg151ej711.jpg

---

DEA;No scale, Gain. FML
/u/BronArianwyn
Created: Mon Jul 2 06:56:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8viepl/deano_scale_gain_fml/
---
Pretty sure I've gone and gained.

After heavy restriction and OBSESSIVE habits for MONTHS and months, its like the switch just flipped? and I started to eat at maintenance for a little while. Elated that I lost so much

but now its like, Family came to visit for a while, plus birthdays, and summer get-togethers, for two weeks I decided to say fuck it and just ate. at first it was only a little, with plenty of anxiety..but then in two weeks its like my appetite came back full force and IM SO HUNGRY. I WANT to gorge and i have..FOR TWO WEEKS and now its like...

I cant even look in the mirror. I don't own a scale but i'm thinking once i save up money to buy a good one, it'll help keep me on track more.

i FEEL like i've gained. can you even gain noticeably in a short time like this? or its the onset of my period but ugh, i feel such exhaustion from the constant back and forth.

Does any one else feel like it just switches on and off and you can't keep up?

---

Canada day panic: a saga
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Mon Jul 2 06:53:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vidvy/canada_day_panic_a_saga/
---
I’m at the cottage on the porch, listening to the birds sing and watching the sunlight on the water and all I can think about is the sheer number of calories I consumed over the last two days.

I started the days with lettuce wraps and water and ended with beer, s’mores, chips, and god knows what other completely insane foods. At the time I remember thinking... “you deserve this. Don’t think about it.” But now I’m sitting here realizing I probably ate upwards of 3 to 4,000 calories yesterday and I can feel myself getting fatter. I just wanted to let loose and have fun. When my friends dad went to get mix for rum and we specifically said diet and he came back with regular pop I just said “it’s fine!” And when they put butter all over dinner I ate it anyway - when I was handed a beer while visiting with family I drank it - when s’mores were made I ate as many as I wanted - chips were passed around and I ate them, too - what is wrong with me? I ate like I would have 70lbs ago and that’s what got me into this mess. I wish I could go back. I’m so scared to get home and weigh myself. I can’t stop thinking about what damage I’ve done :(

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! July 02, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jul 2 06:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vi5dg/weekly_stats_update_july_02_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for July 02, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

Daily Food Diary! July 02, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jul 2 06:13:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vi5cf/daily_food_diary_july_02_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 02, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Discussion] How do you deal with being cranky?
/u/hiruth
Created: Mon Jul 2 06:03:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vi33l/how_do_you_deal_with_being_cranky/
---
I get extremely irritable and sometimes dizzy when heavily restricting or fasting.

I never want to hurt anyone or say mean things to those I love. I just don’t want to produce negativity.

Does anyone have tips on how to manage their behavior or moods?

---

Breakfast 💖
/u/shy2602lee
Created: Mon Jul 2 06:02:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vi2wz/breakfast/
---
https://i.redd.it/redsqvusyi711.jpg

---

experience with ocd?
/u/h0ll0wb0dy100
Created: Mon Jul 2 05:50:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vi0c7/experience_with_ocd/
---
Was wondering if anyone could share how ocd has affected/contributed to their ED?

I feel like I experience mood and psychological ocd symptoms and it’s making daily life hell. Don’t really have the behavioral symptoms though. I’m thinking of bringing this up with my doctor but I’ve never been medicated before and also don’t want to be laughed out of the office if I’m actually fine and my feelings are normal. Plus I’m not diagnosed with an ED and don’t particularly want to be, in fear of being forced into recovery. I am over 18 but still on my parents insurance so I worry they would find out and encourage me to do things I don’t want to do. If you have any tips for talking about mental health with a medical professional for the first time, that would also be greatly appreciated. I don’t really know what to expect or how honest I should be about what I’m feeling.

---

[Rant/Rave] Coming to terms with a relapse
/u/suzybishopsbinocular
Created: Mon Jul 2 05:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vhtc2/coming_to_terms_with_a_relapse/
---
This is my first time posting (ever) and I wasn’t really sure where to go or if I’m doing this right, but I think I’ll explode if I don’t just vent somewhere and get this off my chest.

I considered myself “recovered” and celebrated one year of full recovery in February of this year and I feel like I’ve thrown it all in the trash. I’m back to every old habit I ever had of restricting and being disordered. I let justifying my behavior as saying “I’m not purging anymore so it isn’t a relapse”. This morning while I was getting ready for work, it hit me that I really have relapsed and I don’t even know if I want to pull myself out.

I’m 24. I have a job that uses my Bachelor’s degree which I thought for certain ED was going to keep me from getting. I feel old and lonely and terrified of a future without ED to cope.

Is anyone else in this same place? Cause it really fucking sucks.

---

Need some serious detective help on finding out how many calories I just ate!!!!
/u/littlegoldsmith
Created: Mon Jul 2 04:58:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vhqoc/need_some_serious_detective_help_on_finding_out/
---
Currently en route to London on the first class virgin train (I.e free food...) . They came down the aisle asking if anyone wanted food. It’s brunch, I’m feeling sassy, they have “vegan breakfast hash” and I was on a bit of a fuck my ed high. So obviously I was like yasss I’ll eat this no problem.

I’m now having a mental breakdown because I can’t find the nutritional info on the dish. It was a handful probably of chopped potatoes, some mushrooms which I picked out and about a large tablespoon of some veggie bean sausage. It was probably one cut up.

:( help pls thanks

---

[Rant/Rave] You need to gain 10 pounds, you’re unattractive now
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Mon Jul 2 04:10:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vhic7/you_need_to_gain_10_pounds_youre_unattractive_now/
---
Thank you for your unsolicited opinion on my beauty. I didn’t know that I was trying to get you as a boyfriend. I’ll TOTALLY take your advice. I want your love and approval so I’ll put that 10 pounds for you 👌🏽

Said nobody, ever. Why are people such douchebags about putting on weight? It’s not even “you need to put weight on because your health is in danger.” It’s “put on weight because you don’t look attractive/you have no boobs now/men don’t like bones.” What pisses me off the most is when some man was like “I for one like a woman like a woman with some weight on her and my friends agree.” While looking me in the eye.

“Good thing I don’t lose weight for the approval of you or your friends then.” Like buddy if you really are into women with more “meat” on them go talk to one there’s lots of women out there. Stop trying to change me. I’m not dangerously skinny. I look fine. People act like I’m fucking dying.

---

Eating lunch causes binge eating
/u/narkreturn
Created: Mon Jul 2 03:51:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vhf30/eating_lunch_causes_binge_eating/
---
Why do I find that eating lunch causes me to binge? Where as when I just eat dinner it’s easy to restrict? No matter how healthy my lunch is I just binge on everything :(

---

[Other] Found over on r/bipolar and I thought it would fit here too
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Mon Jul 2 03:44:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vhe2b/found_over_on_rbipolar_and_i_thought_it_would_fit/
---
https://i.redd.it/302mx107ai711.jpg

---

What's the stupidest ED-related thing you've ever done?
/u/sugar-free_sam
Created: Mon Jul 2 03:22:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vhai1/whats_the_stupidest_edrelated_thing_youve_ever/
---
I'LL START because I need to rant.

My well-meaning dad recently sent me a personal-size cookie cake for my birthday. Of course, my binge-eating ass knew I was going to eat the entire thing at once, so I fasted this morning and had the whole thing for dinner. Should've been fine, except I've been doing pretty well restricting lately, which for me means strictly veggies, lean protein, and beans.

Needless to say, my gut bacteria--happily adjusted to a steady intake of healthy food--were none too pleased with a Grade-A f u c k t o n of sugar and butter on an empty stomach. They've been expressing their anger through three bouts of diarrhea and counting.

And the thing is, I SHOULD KNOW BETTER. I'm educated enough in this shit--worst pun ever--to KNOW this would happen! So why the hell did I do it?!

Anyway, what's the stupidest ED-related thing you've ever done?

---

[Other] brb fasting for a week
/u/sleepyboyblue
Created: Mon Jul 2 02:27:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vh1qx/brb_fasting_for_a_week/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STLKL9x59d8

---

How to avoid losing hair
/u/ChunkynFluffy
Created: Mon Jul 2 02:13:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vgzj6/how_to_avoid_losing_hair/
---
My long red hair is the one and only thing I like about myself, I’m terrified of losing it. What do you do to prevent it falling out?

---

DAE hate unwanted attention when you're food shopping?
/u/sad_skelly
Created: Mon Jul 2 01:56:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vgwru/dae_hate_unwanted_attention_when_youre_food/
---
Well hello there sisters (and misters).

I went shopping for groceries for my grandma today and I'm pretty familiar with the cashiers. One of them is trying to lose weight and she's friends with the shop owner so she was telling her about how she can only eat half a plate of ramen now instead of the whole thing.

The owner starts spouting some nonsense about how it's fattening because it has "strong proteins" whatever the fuck that even is. I happened to have a cup of ramen in my basket (240 cal and will only eat that today) and she pointed to my basket and said "how does she eat that and stay that skinny?" And the owner told her "I have no idea".

Well bitch, it's easy to lose weight when your face is looking at the toilet bowl after every meal, but that isn't socially acceptable to say, so....severe bulimia? Never heard of it I guess

---

[Rant/Rave] My happiness is solely dependant on what I weigh
/u/RatchetButtons
Created: Mon Jul 2 01:27:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vgrz7/my_happiness_is_solely_dependant_on_what_i_weigh/
---
I remember when my Nana died and at the funeral I was stoked I had gone past my GW, I was almost giddy that the shirt I chose to wear had become so loose. I had to act sad. It wasn't that I wasn't sad that my Nana died but I had surpassed the one goal I had and I felt on top of the world.

I have only had one experience that has made me as distraught as seeing a HW on the scale. I can't actually think of something that has made me feel as happy as seeing a GW on the scale.

Yep.

---

[Intro] yup i was a 1200isplenty regular while in denial about my ed
/u/prettyplease2468
Created: Mon Jul 2 01:25:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vgrmf/yup_i_was_a_1200isplenty_regular_while_in_denial/
---
when i was 13 i started restricting and purging but i told myself i didn't have an ed because i never lost any weight and i never purged more than once a week and i always felt uncomfortable with my body but my diets were never successful

so flash forward to me three months ago, i decided to lose weight "healthily" and subscribed to loseit, progresspics, keto, 1200isplenty. these are all healthy subs so i'm just being healthy i don't have a problem. my goal was to have a bmi of 18.5, since that's the min healthy bmi. i just wanted to be beautiful, or at least less ugly, so i could be happy and love myself and talk to people and boys and make friends. im just improving myself.

things are going great, im losing weight for the first time in my life armed with these subs. i feel so pretty and i wear cute clothes i never would dare to otherwise. im talking to people, making friends. but sometimes i still feel chubby or ugly and i want to be at 18.5. in my head that's ideal. so now im down to eating 800 cals a day, but it's fine because im short. i start browsing edfood and proed and proedmemes too but i don't have an eating disorder, i just find some of the stuff kind of relatable and a lot of great meal ideas.

2.5 months later this morning i weighed in at 111.2lbs, 18.5 bmi. i look in the mirror and i feel so fat and i look the exact same as 124lbs and i wonder why everyone else at this bmi looks so skinny. and im thinking maybe im skinny fat and have no muscle or i've only lost water weight/food mass weight, so now my goal is 107 lbs cause i gain 2 lbs during the day from water + my clothes (i weigh myself in my birthday suit in the morning). i assume that when i break my diet i'll gain 2 lbs from eating more again/water weight.

and it all just kinda hits me. i don't have my shit together. i try to be the cool girl that eats a lot and doesn't know what a calorie is but i track them all secretly. i laugh and tell everyone i'm perfectly at peace with my 'average' body when i want to fucking die. i only eat when other people are around so i can tell them that im only skinny because of my wonderful asian metabolism (ha). i claim im not competitive at all because i want people to like me but secretly it kills me inside when im not the best and i don't have my shit together. this is why i've never admitted to myself i have a fucking problem even though I FUCKING PURGE MY FOOD AND BROWSE ED SUBREDDITS.

so i just ate 4000 calories in ramen, french bread that tastes like sourdough, yogurt so old it tastes like sour cream. i even stole cheesy chips, raisins, almonds, and cheerios from my roommate and just fucking vacuumed them into my mouth. i never steal and i love my roommate but i couldn't stop. and i purge it all and then i do it again. im going to do it again right after this post. good thing i've already spent my broke students' budget for food this week so if i eat and purge all my food i can just fast for two weeks. maybe i should sub to /r/fasting too bwahaha.

and i want to talk to someone so bad. and i just remember my mom telling me that i "just need to take responsibility for what i eat" after she found out i was purging after eating when i was 13 because i didn't clean up well enough. and how excited she's been for me when i started this diet. and she just loves me and wants me to be my best self and i want to be my best self too and my best self is beautiful and skinny but why can't i do it healthily. i can't talk to my parents because they think im fine now after i tried to kill myself once when i was 13 and when i was 17 because ive convinced everyone that ive made a miraculous 180 and im such a positive thinker and ive got a growth mindset and im not a disappointment im not a fuckup. im gonna do great in college and get a great job and make money and make my parents proud and take care of them because they've sacrificed so much for me to have these opportunities. i did it guys im not a burden anymore im your good ol daughter again not a bundle of sad emotions. i just want to be a good daughter. i just wanna be loved and liked by everyone. i just remember my mom calling me selfish in 1 million different ways. and im sorry i hurt her and i don't want to be this way. and i know it's not right for my parents to say these things to me or tell me to keep it all a secret and never tell anyone about how i wnat to fucking die. but i keep making excuses for them and doing mental gymnastics, convincing myself they really do love me because the do and beating myself up for ever thinking that because they've worked so hard and endured so much hardship for me. and im such a mess ive been such a difficult child to raise because im crazy. my parents would have an aneurysm if they knew i was just throwing my heart out onto the internet and revealing everything. but im so lonely. and i just want to get it off my chest and then lock it away and never talk about it or think of it again and go back to pretending everything's fine because i want everything to be fine so, so bad. and sometimes i can convince myself just like how i convinced myself that i don't have an eating disorder. i just want to move on and get better and get past this but people will think of me differently if they knew i was a basket case. guys wouldn't wanna date me. people would feel sorry for me or tell me to stop making excuses for my parents or tell me to see a therapist but they don't get it, they don't understand my situation. i don't want to talk about it or discuss it i want it to go away but i also want to get it off my chest.

so now im posting to an eating disorder subreddit revealing all my deepest darkest secrets and insecurities. and this really seals the nail in the coffin. im broken and dysfunctional and im not better now, im still sick, and i guess i have an eating disorder. but at least you guys understand. im guessing many of you have felt this way before.

hi.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm in such a weird state
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Mon Jul 2 01:24:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vgres/im_in_such_a_weird_state/
---
This isn't even much ed related but I have so much anxiety regarding my ex boyfriend because of a fight. I don't really know what to do about it. I've had multiple panic attacks about it. And my chest isn't doing so well right now. I've also barely eaten since the fight. I've lost a little bit more weight because of this. Everything feels really fucked.

I want to feel better.

---

[Other] Anybody else started out already underweight?
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Mon Jul 2 01:10:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vgowz/anybody_else_started_out_already_underweight/
---
I was always the skinny one. I was the kid the grownup poked at family gatherings saying how I could use some more meat on my bones. I was the size-zero girl who all the boys liked to pick up and see how light I was.

And then puberty hit.

I was packing on weight hard and fast, and much to my horror, it was all centered entirely around my hips.

"Latin hips," my dad called them.

I wasn't ready to let go of that part of my identity. I was not going to let my only claim to fame slip away.

And so, I started throwing up my food. Then I started running. Then I decided to skip a step and just stop eating.

I was about five feet tall, 90 pounds.

I hit the wall fast, jumping from such a low place to begin with.

Within two years, I was hospitalized and then transferred to inpatient care at 67 pounds.

The doctors told my parents not to get their hopes up.

Against the odds, I came out, and immediately, I began purging again. My perceptions were warped by my low weight, and so at 77 pounds, I was convinced I was gigantic.

Now, four years later, I'm 81 pounds. Relatively, that's a lot for me, as i've bounced around mid to high seventies for most of my semi-adult life. I had a stint in the high nineties when I was fifteen, thanks only to force-feeding.

As soon as I was left again to my own devices, I tumbled down and down and down, and over the course of a year, or maybe two, I was back in the hospital at 77 pounds.

At seventeen, I was the youngest patient in the cardiac ward.

It's an odd battle to fight, because even now that I am sick of living this life, I cannot fight my out, because skinny is all I've ever been.

---

Confession: Too depressed, Terrified of my scale and myself and summer
/u/PineapplePrincezz
Created: Mon Jul 2 01:06:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vgo45/confession_too_depressed_terrified_of_my_scale/
---
So I've gained a lot of weight in the past year; I went from 5'2 and 95 last summer to 110 and 5'3 this summer.

Seeing 110 on the scale most mornings has to be the most retchid feeling in the world for me right now, to the point where I'll lie in bed until literally 1pm most days.

I run every single day and restrict and I'm just so completely lost with myself.

Anybody else? <3

---

how to talk about binge eating?
/u/pb2freak
Created: Mon Jul 2 01:05:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vgnt1/how_to_talk_about_binge_eating/
---
I hit an all-time low this weekend. I am at a high weight and I feel like I cant take care of myself.

I let my SO know that I cant drive to see him because I need to work on some personal things.

Im not sure how to talk to him about bingeing. Binge eating is almost normalized in today's world as a funny thing so Im worried he wont understand how miserable it makes me.


How would you go about talking to someone about bingeing?

Specifically someone with zero knowledge about disordered eating.

---

[Discussion] What fat % can you see your abs?
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Mon Jul 2 01:01:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vgn3b/what_fat_can_you_see_your_abs/
---
Google seems to say 12-16% body fat for woman (to see defined abs). What’s your personal experience??
I’m 19% and no abs yet tho am seeing some definition on my sides...

---

[Help] How to date with an ED?
/u/baswild
Created: Mon Jul 2 00:04:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vgcwl/how_to_date_with_an_ed/
---
it seems like everyone goes straight to getting dinner, ice cream, drinks, etc. as an idea for a first date. how would you politely decline a date with food but not a date with that person? i feel like a food date would be possible further along but initially it freaks me out a lot. help!

---

[Rant/Rave] Diets are confusing
/u/kein0815
Created: Sun Jul 1 23:39:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vg88u/diets_are_confusing/
---
And it makes everything so much harder.


Keto, Paleo, Low Carb, Vegan or plant based, OMAD, intermitted fasting, 1200 calories, juice fasts ... I could go on and on listing diets and different approaches on losing weight or “following a healthy lifestyle”.

Some of them are crash diets and can’t be maintained forever for sure. But everything is so confusing. I feel like there’s a study that supports every kind of diet no matter how contradictory they are. That makes choosing one so so much harder.


I want to find the healthiest diet. The one that’s the “most natural” one and benefits my body most. But I don’t know how to and I feel like if I did I could actually recover and step away from binging. Because now I’m just confused. And I fucking hate it.

---

[Rant/Rave] If you’re depressed and wanna die, clap your hands. 👏 👏
/u/pinkie-pie-promise
Created: Sun Jul 1 23:39:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vg85u/if_youre_depressed_and_wanna_die_clap_your_hands/
---
When your boyfriend is two states away on vacation, hardly talked to you all day, didn’t pay much attention to you at all last night even though it was the last day you’d see each other for a week and you were literally in so much pain from being sick for the past few days you were crying on his bed for hours + puking, your period is a day late so you’re worried about being pregnant, you’ve had a really rough day with a long day at work and all you want to do is talk to him, but he just went out with his friends, got drunk, and after 2 and a half hours being left on read he tells you he’s gonna go to bed, so you’re debating on binging because everything sucks and you’re hungry, but you also know that eating will make everything worse, and you also want to know what his reaction to you fasting (or at least, not eating solid food) all month would be.

I’m having a really bad day and really miss him. I know I shouldn’t complain, it’s really not that bad. But I just really need him right now and idk I cut again tonight for the first time in I think a few months and I kinda really wanna die.

This isn’t even important. I just wanted to vent. I’m sorry.

---

How to get a "buzz" without calories of alcohol, and how I am more likeable with liquor :))))
/u/iam_notwhatiam
Created: Sun Jul 1 23:28:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vg6b6/how_to_get_a_buzz_without_calories_of_alcohol_and/
---
Unfortunately, I am "myself" and "the person everyone enjoys and looks up to" when I drink. I perform better at a lot of things (sales, leaving the house, being enjoyable to be around, funny, even getting the energy to workout, etc) but I HATE the calories that come with it. Weed makes me more paranoid and I eat everything.

Doctors brush my concerns of my anxious aura off, so I've given up on talking to them.

What the fuck? What can you take to get the same feeling liquor gives you but without the calories? I remember there being some shit people bought online that gives you a similar feelings like Kratom or some shit? But I don't remember.

Short of drinking alcohol, taking mdma or ecstasy, etc, what the hell can I take to consistently be open and fun and chill?

---

[Help] irrational and sad
/u/lilyswen
Created: Sun Jul 1 22:48:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vfyj5/irrational_and_sad/
---
I just ate 200cals of grapes and I know its not a lot but I can feel my body going into full blown panic mode. trying to get out of a horrible binge cycle and right now eating anything makes me sad. Just need support I guess

---

[Help] Anxiety over meals
/u/strawberrydrops
Created: Sun Jul 1 22:45:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vfy2h/anxiety_over_meals/
---
So basically my mom makes my meals, they’re all really low calorie but my mom knows that’s all I’ll eat so she makes them for me. Now I’m starting to freak out because what if I’m eating more than what I think the portion is? Fucking hell im just having a panic attack over my cereal portion, she promises me that it’s less than 3/4 cup, but what if it’s not?? I just need some comfort I guess, am I freaking out over nothing or should I be freaking out and refusing to eat?

---

Dear body...
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Sun Jul 1 22:30:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vfv1t/dear_body/
---
If you aren't going to release the fat then you have no right demanding more food through headaches.

Kthx

---

[Rant/Rave] Family
/u/strawberrydrops
Created: Sun Jul 1 22:21:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vft9g/family/
---
I want to fucking die. My mom makes it obvious how fucking better everyone around me’s life would be without me. She says that everyone’s schedule revolves around me and that they walk on eggshells around me because I freak out because of meal times and I just wanna be gone. I don’t mean to do this. I’m sorry I’m making everyone’s life worse. I’m so worthless. I feel like I’m eating too much also, I’m a fake anorexic. Fuck this shitty life. I was finally happy and then they sent me off to a mental hospital and now I’m worse off than before. My mom is constantly yelling st me and complaining about me to my dad I’m not forcing you to be home all the fuckig time to feed me. Just let me die.

---

[Rant/Rave] I "move like I'm weightless." Best compliment ever.
/u/mu514
Created: Sun Jul 1 22:14:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vfrx1/i_move_like_im_weightless_best_compliment_ever/
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So this guy and I were doing some partnerwork dancing tonight, and he told me that when I dance, I move like I'm weightless. Then he added onto the end, "Not that you weigh anything anyways."

I'm still flying high. I bet he has no idea how much I've worked for this body.

---

[Other] every eating disorder movie ever
/u/UsualLetter
Created: Sun Jul 1 21:27:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vfic6/every_eating_disorder_movie_ever/
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Anna McAnna is a dancer. She’s thin, has friends and love interests. 

Dad: LOL DON’T EAT THAT IT HAS CALORIES!!! U HAVE A DANCE SHOW TOMORROW HAHA JK I LOVE U BBY

Anna goes on pro anna websites and makes dangerous internet friends. “I will only lose 5 pounds” says anna. She makes a thinspo collage on her wall/diary to keep motivated

Anna is losing weight. Her mom is concerned

Mom: um sweetie you are losing weight??? That’s not good you are beautiful. I love u bae

Anna is angry her mom doesn’t understand. She’s an anorexic tm now. No one can stop her. She goes batshit crazy screaming at everyone that offers her food

Anna’s mom finds out about her online activities. She’s worried and forces Anna to eat a meal. Anna does it bitterly and then purges perfectly no getting trained period in which your first 90 attempts you just spit some water

Anna is now purging. All her friends got tired of her bullshit and left her. Her love interest is like “lmao dude u 2 skinny u ok?????? im worried”

Anna faints and goes to the hospital

Docotr: so um ur daughter is anorexic she may die???????? It’s bad????

Anna: wow taht was v dangerois I guess I’m cured now

Anna eats happily with her family, now comletely ED free

(via faster on tumblr)

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[Rant/Rave] My eating disorder is the only thing I love
/u/tuesdayschildis
Created: Sun Jul 1 21:18:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vfglq/my_eating_disorder_is_the_only_thing_i_love/
---
So long story short, I had a guy pour out his heart after persisting with me, a guy I’ve liked since high school, only to fucking go MIA on me like he didn’t just say some deep ass shit.
I felt sad, obvs, so I ended up purging my normal keto meals- not even binging.
Every month I say “this will be my purge free month” and it might be my binge free month, but I doubt I’ll stop throwing up. Keto has been going well. Aside from a horrific once a week cheating-binge fest habit that I’m going to kick in the ass, I feel confident. The scale hasn’t really moved but I’ve been on my period. I feel like I look better, though.
But anyway, in the post-purge aftermath, I realized that my ED is the only thing I love. I started crying because I simply don’t want to give it up. I’ve been flirting with recovery for a year, but I kind of just don’t give a shit anymore.
I *like* pursuing being skinny. Yeah, I hate a fucking lot about my bulimia, but ultimately, trying to be thin is what grounds me. If I’m not trying to get smaller, I’m anxious. At least it gives me a goal.
So fuck this kid. I’m going to get to 125(my flair is old as shit lol) and be so skinny it hurts for everyone to look. I’m going to be this heartless, skinny fucking bitch that doesn’t take shit because I’m so DONE being the alternative.
I’m young, I’ve already fucked up so much, might as well chase my pipe-dream body in the process.

---

Does this sound like disordered behavior?
/u/cattivity
Created: Sun Jul 1 21:02:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vfd19/does_this_sound_like_disordered_behavior/
---
I have been on a diet for about 6 months now and I've lost 40 lbs. I started out with restricting quite low for about a month (800 cals) then I decided I didn't want to be grumpy and feel sick all the time so I upped it to 1200 a day. At first it was scary to eat normal again but I did it. Anyway I've continued to lose weight but instead of being happy about it im constantly worrying about gaining it back.
Is it even worth it? I have nightmares sometimes of accidentally drinking a normal coke instead of a coke zero or accidentally eating something with more calories than I plan to. It's like I can't relax. I'm either extremely neurotic and obsessive about my calorie counting and weight loss or I don't give a single flying fuck and just sit around hating my body.

The problem is if I give myself any leeway to be less strict on myself I'll eventually talk myself into completely letting myself go.

This is probably the 4th time I've lost a significant amount of weight and I want it to be my last but what I do just doesn't seem sustainable to my lifestyle. People want me to go out to eat and I panic beforehand because I know restaurant portions are off or the restaurant doesn't even have calorie counts. I feel bad when I turn down homemade food or snacks from people. Im struggling because I have two family events in which we are, of course, going out to eat. I really hate eating restaurant food.

I feel like I'm in this weird limbo between disordered eating and a healthy lifestyle and I just want some balance, all I want is to feel confident and not have to hate myself every time I indulge but if I don't then I will over indulge and make too many excuses for myself.

Everything would be so much easier if over eating wasn't glorified in this society. I mean why should I have to eat something to make someone else feel more comfortable? Why do they care how much I put in my body, or rather, don't put in my body if I'm not harming myself?

Why the fuck does everything have to revolve around food in order for people to enjoy themselves ?

Am I disordered or is society disordered? Or both?

---

Note to self:
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Sun Jul 1 20:33:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vf6q5/note_to_self/
---
It's not "recovery" if you have hours long panic attacks and overexercises after every single normal sized meal >:(

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What stops you from bingeing?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Sun Jul 1 20:14:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vf2kd/what_stops_you_from_bingeing/
---

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Eating gave me such bad anxiety that halfway through the meal I suddenly almost shit myself from anxiety-induced diarrhea
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Sun Jul 1 19:59:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vez6r/eating_gave_me_such_bad_anxiety_that_halfway/
---
So I think I’ve lost weight this week due to rigorous purging every meal while on vacation and I finally feel like I’m looking better and I’m so scared to fuck it up. But I foolishly thought I could handle a piece of cake and that led to panic so I went ahead and binged so I could purge it all (near impossible to purge small amounts) but fucking muffins clumped and wouldn’t come up so I panicked and bought $20 of purgable foods but I was freaking out so bad because I lost a lot of weight this week (I think) and I’m so scared to get fat again (which is so easy to do) so i was trying to eat this meal on top of the muffins but the panic I felt while eating led to serious diarrhea cramps and before I could finish I almost shit my pants. I tried so fucking hard not to. I spent a solid minute frozen and trying not to let it slip out, oh my god. Threw the rest of the food way and darted to the bathrooms So I had some immediate diarrhea, washed my hands and went back to the stall to puke and when that became difficult I slurped puke back into my mouth so I could throw up cuz my gag reflex is shot as of fucking yesterday.

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How to quit laxatives?
/u/edthrowaway98
Created: Sun Jul 1 19:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vey3e/how_to_quit_laxatives/
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Anyone have advice for how to quit/wean off of laxatives without a sudden overload of fiber? TMI but have been having lots of gas from the extra fiber. I always make it 4-5 days (while restricting) and cave when i inevitably binge on the weekends :( Has anyone weaned off successfully and how did you do it? Help pls

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Just got an ad on this app
/u/oceanblue10
Created: Sun Jul 1 19:53:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vexto/just_got_an_ad_on_this_app/
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I just thought it was kind of funny. I was scrolling through the posts on this subreddit and I got one of those ads for a weight loss pill that says you can lose 37lbs in 2 weeks. First of all, woah! Wish that was real! Second, it is kind of crazy how much my phone knows me....

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Having issues with my UGW and how I currently feel about my body
/u/-fauna
Created: Sun Jul 1 19:10:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8veocq/having_issues_with_my_ugw_and_how_i_currently/
---
I need to start this off by saying *for the first time in a very, very long time I actually feel good about how my body looks.* Like not even in a passing hour or anything like that, literally for a solid week now I've felt good looking at myself and I actually feel so confident and I'm so happy with how my weight has distributed.

Unfortunately, I'm still about 4lbs away from what is my UGW (it used to be 100 but I *really, really* want to see the double digits) and I'm running into the push and pull between wanting to achieve that goal - wanting to see the number get smaller - and wanting to just maintain how my body is now.

If only I could have any guarantee at all that the next four lbs were going to come from my thighs, arms, and waist I would have NO qualms about continuing with the loss; however, thats just now how it goes. I'm mostly afraid that if I do lose those 4lbs my chest will get even smaller than it is now or I'll lose my even more of my hips and make my body look more square when I like the measurements I'm currently at (32-23-34).

I was planning on maintaining between 100-105 anyway, but I still wanted to hit 99 at least once before I did that. I'm just scared that if I do lose more off my chest, when I regain that pound or two into maintenance, its going to go elsewhere and I'll be unhappy with my body shape after.
I just don't know how to move forward ):

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[Rant/Rave] I literally cannot think about anything else
/u/skinnyhero
Created: Sun Jul 1 18:46:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vej0a/i_literally_cannot_think_about_anything_else/
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Every day. I think about food. meal prepping. should i be eating for muscle? should i cut fat? should I do rp strength? iifym? am I eating too much? too little? the right things? am i getting stronger? will building muscle burn more calories and make me leaner?

I literally cannot stop. it's exhausting. I play with my stomach fat/loose skin all the time. and I swear i wish i could just be happy with my weight loss and strength gains and I'm not.

I don't know what to do anymore and I'm just tired.

My mom got mad that I couldn't stop messing with my stomach this weekend. I'm about to go on vacation and I know I'm gonna eat like crap already. I haven't been on the scale in a few days. I'm terrified. I hate that people think I'm thin and strong. I feel like a fat wet noodle.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else experienced severe stomach pains the morning after binging before bed?
/u/99876578
Created: Sun Jul 1 18:43:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8veid4/anyone_else_experienced_severe_stomach_pains_the/
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I think the last thing I ate last night was a packet of oreos 5 minutes before sleeping. Then woke up at 5am with severe stomach pains. Can't sit or lie still. Just comically rolling around in my bed for 2 hours. This happens almost like clockwork. It feels like the severity of bad period cramps but less muscley and more acidity but not exactly heartburn or indigestion pains.

I guess the only solution to this is to ban eating food in my bed but it's hard...

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[Discussion] insanely bloated!!
/u/throwawayyy5203
Created: Sun Jul 1 18:32:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vefva/insanely_bloated/
---
so i’ve been restricting pretty hard for a few weeks now, usually around 400-500 cal a day other than a few binges. and weirdly i feel like my stomach has been looking huge even tho my weight has been pretty constant. like i liquid fasted today (had a protein shake for dinner and a bai tea as a snack) but my stomach literally puffs out sooo much. like it literally looks and feels like i have a balloon in my lower abdomen. someone help!!! how can i get rid of this bloat??

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[Rant/Rave] GP prescribed 1km runs max.
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Sun Jul 1 18:01:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ve8oi/gp_prescribed_1km_runs_max/
---
Having gone to my doctor with knee pain he said that it was due to anorexia - that my body has been diverting calcium reserves to more important parts thus not allowing my bones to grow strong enough (hurray). My knees are most affected.

I’m a runner, have been for years long before this bitch of a disorder saw the light. Anorexia stole running off me. The doctor said I can run 1km max per run and very slowly build up to strengthen my knees AND also to demonstrate that my body needs fuel to do what I love.

With that in mind, he didn’t say anything against running multiple times per day so tomorrow I’ll be out in the morning and evening because I love running!!

Nothing to this rant, just wanted to share what happens when you starve yourself.

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[Rant/Rave] Rant - Accidentally bought children’s shorts
/u/squishyskeleton
Created: Sun Jul 1 17:56:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ve7f7/rant_accidentally_bought_childrens_shorts/
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I was in my favourite thrift store, half off sale every Saturday, you know I’m all about this. But like the women’s section, fucking demolished essentially. Hardly any jeans or pants. So I got to the new arrivals. Find some cute jeans (size 4NZ and 6NZ both fit super cute) and some shorts.

Now the shorts label says it’s 2XS and I reckon I can fit that because I fit the smallest size in most stores. I buy them and they’re only $1.50.

I try them at home and realise they’re children’s shorts. Meant for ten year olds. Fuck. I could nearly fit them. My legs were small enough but my fucking fat ass couldn’t fit.

And now they’re my goal shorts. I’m gonna fit em. I’m gonna get rid of my ass and hips.

---

EC Stacks
/u/beachnbum
Created: Sun Jul 1 17:53:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ve6w4/ec_stacks/
---
Will I still see weightless results if I cut the bronkaid in half but keep the C at 200mg

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An encounter that sticks out in my head
/u/bumblebatty00
Created: Sun Jul 1 17:46:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ve54b/an_encounter_that_sticks_out_in_my_head/
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I'm weight restored or whatever now. 22.5 bmi. I feel awful. I have few clothes that fit.

That's besides the point.

A year ago I was underweight. Very different eating mindset than now.

There's this coworker. She's very thin. Perhaps underweight, perhaps just borderline normal. Maybe just low end normal but I can't see things properly idk but she's thin.

Last year when I was underweight. Her, I, and a coworker were all in the cafe space. He said with how much free food was at our office someone would be crazy to starve while working here.

I nervously chuckled.

She said, "well, you know, it can be more complicated than that."

I kinda wonder if she wondered about me or wonders about me since gaining all the weight.

---

Marks staying in skin?
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Sun Jul 1 17:34:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ve2af/marks_staying_in_skin/
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I don’t mean edema, I don’t have swelling. But I was carrying a heavy bag with my arm and like normal it leaves an indent and red mark, but it’s still there an hour later and it looks like it just happened. Does anyone else get this? I can’t find anything on google.

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My body looks like a fucking donkey kong barrel with tin cans for legs.
/u/sail0rvenus
Created: Sun Jul 1 17:27:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ve0v9/my_body_looks_like_a_fucking_donkey_kong_barrel/
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Someone took a picture of me without my consent and I was once again forced to reconcile with my short, chubby legs and cylindrical middle. And tbh, it didn’t even make me instantly sad. I just laughed bc how can anyone’s body be this ridiculous looking???? Almost like an overweight dachshund even. Fucking incredible, I’m hideous. 🙃

Anyway, wanted to share this for some reason. Haven’t been /this/ disgusted with my body shape in some time.

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Has anyone tried laxs? Is it better than purging? Unsupportive parents about recovery
/u/KittenX2017
Created: Sun Jul 1 17:18:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vdyqv/has_anyone_tried_laxs_is_it_better_than_purging/
---
I'm a purging bulimic and this is the first time I've ever been in a binge/purge cycle. Anywho : I've been doing restricting for two days and eating for one (that's besides the point and it's not an ED, I'm kinda recovering)

I'm tried of purging, it hurts, it takes too long, I have to purge within 20 minutes of eating and I'm basically living around the clock. So laxatives might be a good alternative, I don't know how that works with weight loss though : does anyone have experience with it?


My parents as of now are in denial of my eating disorder because I'm overweight. I cry over food, I tell them I can't eat today and they just say "okay, that's fine" my mom is feeding my ed by telling me I'll gain 20 pant sizes in 20 years (a pant size a year) and saying that I should just be happy with my weight.
Be happy with me weight? As she told me "no you're just fat" when I said I think I had BDD at 13 and she called me a fat ugly bitch since I was 10.


I'm 20 now but when I'm back home from college I'm stuck with them. Them being unsupportive, them calling me names, them acting like nothing is wrong. I even asked them for help and they just shrugged it off

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[Rant/Rave] yes my weight has an effect on my happiness no i dont think that that’s wrong
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Sun Jul 1 16:29:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vdnf0/yes_my_weight_has_an_effect_on_my_happiness_no_i/
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im overweight
im unhealthy

the smaller i get the happier i am because i know it means im getting closer to a better bmi
i could fast for over 100 days and still be healthy

no i dont think its wrong that the smaller i get (no matter how unhealthy im being) makes me feel happy and fulfilled

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[Help] Think my university have blocked my access to some food sites??
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Sun Jul 1 16:28:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vdn9y/think_my_university_have_blocked_my_access_to/
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I'm at a university in the UK. They know I have anorexia (or at least, that I never have a decent relationship with food). As is the nature of our disease, I spend quite a bit of time browsing food things.

Two websites I frequented were spoonuniversity and foodnetwork, but I seem to have been blocked from both of these now. Can my university block my access specifically?? Is this a legit thing?

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You can now register on EDC
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Sun Jul 1 16:21:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vdlpy/you_can_now_register_on_edc/
---

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[Help] How can I make it look like I ate most of a Hamburger without actually eating much?
/u/vitalogy95
Created: Sun Jul 1 16:12:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vdjgt/how_can_i_make_it_look_like_i_ate_most_of_a/
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I’m on a big family trip and my family is constantly cooking unhealthy food and I really need ways to not eat much. I don’t want to gain weight this week. I’m honestly okay with just maintaining, but with the type of food they make, that’s not going to be possible unless I can manage to eat very small amounts.

Hamburgers are hard and my grandmother is the type to get upset if I don’t eat much (I’m not underweight, she’s just like that with her kids and grandkids). I have to take a full hamburger so how can I make it seem like I ate most of it or a decent amount? Is there a good way to cut it? Any tips would help I’m panicking

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[Help] Been 2+ months of maintenance/high restriction yet initial rapid weight gain is still there
/u/PhoneWalletSanity
Created: Sun Jul 1 16:01:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vdgqa/been_2_months_of_maintenancehigh_restriction_yet/
---
So I've been eating at about 300 calories less than my TDEE to about my TDEE every day (if it matters, 5'1.5, take about 80, 000 + steps a day and pole dance twice a week so I eat 1000-1600 calories) yet the initial gain of 14 lbs from 88 to 102 hasn't gone away.

At first, i thought it was water/food weight but I've been drinking plenty of water, consuming an adequate amount of sodium and have been having regular bowel movements. When I get on the scale, it's first thing in the morning after a bowel movement.

Afterwards, I thought it might be muscle from getting back into scooping ice cream for 4+ hours and pole dancing but 12 lbs worth seems pretty ridiculous.

Any advice or alternate explanations? I'm not able to low restrict/fast right now just because of how demanding my life is.

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Every time I'm eating out in public
/u/penoop
Created: Sun Jul 1 15:57:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vdfh8/every_time_im_eating_out_in_public/
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It feels unearned. I am a very unimpressive person. Not particularly good at anything, not absurdly successful. Not tall, not white, not even thin.

And I see these tall white beautiful people, eating the same pizza I'm eating.

I know sooner or later the weight will come off, and I'll get at least a little muscular. And hopefully more than just a little. But will it make me happy? Will I finally achieve self actualization? Will I have friends? Will I be in a relationship? Will I be a good person?

My eating disorder is a symptom of a lot of different things compiled together, and I have so much expectation that good things are just around the corner.

I don't know if that's healthy, and I don't know if it's true. I don't know what to do so I thought maybe talking about it will start a conversation, or at the very least, help me clarify my thoughts and maybe I'll be able to put things together when I feel a little less nihilistic.

Thanks for reading.

---

Me to myself: “I need to stop eating”
/u/ziamal
Created: Sun Jul 1 15:52:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vdef2/me_to_myself_i_need_to_stop_eating/
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“You say that every time... and then you eat”

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sobriety and weight gain?
/u/asquick
Created: Sun Jul 1 15:07:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vd35o/sobriety_and_weight_gain/
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so i've been alcohol free for coming up on 7 months, but in that time i've gained massively. i used to hover around 150, but since cleaning up i'm back up to 165 (blech). my eating habits are essentially the same since then, though i'm eating more fruits and veggies now. anyone else had this kind of thing happen after going sober?

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[Rant/Rave] Finally broke the binge cycle!
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:59:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vd0we/finally_broke_the_binge_cycle/
---
I was doing really well last october, got to 100lbs, christmas broke me got back up to 120, got into drugs got back to 108, moved and gained to 117 - and fucking FINALLY i managed to break the binge cycle. how? my best friend who also has an ED (bmi 15) sent me a fucking snapchat of a plate of cut up fruit. i don't know why that set me off, but it did.

i haven't seen her in months, and it'll be 2 months before i see her again. we used to live together. we might be living together again soon. she's so thin and perfect and i can't let her see me like this.

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oOOohh Im sO fAT!!
/u/Fran_Frankie
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:57:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vd0mp/oooohh_im_so_fat/
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I hate people like that. The ones who ALWAYS need to seek validation from other people to tell them that they're not fat. C'mon I've seen these kind of people wearing crop tops and short shorts. Most of them are attention seekers who self pity a lot. They act so childish when they do it too. At least take yourself seriously jfc

I'm probably just being bitter, I'm sorry but I had to get this out of my system

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[Rant/Rave] DAE hate colleagues commenting on their lunch (rant)
/u/chocolate_9_T
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:47:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vcy1h/dae_hate_colleagues_commenting_on_their_lunch_rant/
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Yeah. Incoming word vomit

I wanna literally throttle a certain colleague (A) who constantly always comments on my lunches (were both the same age, 20 for reference).

At this point I literally don't care that my lunch consists of a cereal bar or salad leaves or whatever but it still bothers me that A always draws attention to my food.... Like stop fucking policing WHAT I'M EATING, NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION. Especially cos it encourages others to get involved and comment.

E.g. the other day I had a cereal bar for lunch and she was like "oh my god how are you gonna survive on that id die!!...." and I'm just thinking stfu but I said "I'm not really hungry"

Or i bought a tuna salad, I ate the tuna and the veg then felt full and threw the rest out and she again decided to comment ... she was like "you barely ate anything" and another colleague got involved too.

Idk how to handle this other than just staying away from the lunch room tbh. And I don't really wanna upset anyone but this is just so annoying.

Plus idk if I'm paranoid but I'm pretty sure everyone's talking about me...

Anyone else relate?

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[Discussion] DAE literally have no idea what they look like? [rant/ rave]
/u/mynormalheart
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:47:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vcxye/dae_literally_have_no_idea_what_they_look_like/
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I just have no fucking clue what other people see when they look at me. I have so much body dysmorphia it’s insane.


I look at my sister who weighs 100lbs more than me but I feel like I’m as big as her. I feel like my waist and arms are the same size and my legs are trunks from the Redwood Forest.


I have some active acne and a lot of marks but have no idea how visible they are to other people. In some lightning it’s terrible but in others it’s not too bad. But its all I see when I look at my face in the mirror.


I wish I could look through someone else’s eyes to get an unbiased look at myself, good or bad.

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[Discussion] Girl getting called out for having an ed for posting her progress pic....🧐if you lose weight in a “not normal” way but don’t have negative thoughts about it and are just using it as a tool is it an ed? Or is what you’re doing an ed simply because it is “not normal”?🤔
/u/iceboxxxxx
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:39:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vcw67/girl_getting_called_out_for_having_an_ed_for/
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https://i.redd.it/f9ibu2id8d711.jpg

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[Discussion] is anyone else here a generally picky eater?
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:32:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vcuia/is_anyone_else_here_a_generally_picky_eater/
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i’ve been a picky eater since birth and there are foods in the world that i will NOT eat because of smell, taste, texture, or even just the “vibe” i get from the food.

because of this, my list of safe foods is small and bland and consistent.

is anyone else just a really picky eater, and would be even without your ed?

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Fat weather makes me feel hot
/u/themoonlaluna
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:32:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vcuf1/fat_weather_makes_me_feel_hot/
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... wait...
Hot weather makes me feel fat 😂

Anyone else? Not sure if my last week of binging has finally turned into fat or the constant sweat has turned my electrolytes to shit and now I’m bloated or sth (idk how that would work but...) but I am SO aware of how much fucking space I take up in the world right now.

I stopped weighing about 3 months ago because it was giving me show stopping panic attacks but I feel like shiiiiiiiitttt and I really want to know how much I weigh someone please tell me not to weigh myself

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[Rant/Rave] I hate laxatives! Why oh why do I do this!
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:16:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vcqdm/i_hate_laxatives_why_oh_why_do_i_do_this/
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Had a mini B/P and then took 12 lax last night. I hate waking up from this! Feeling so swollen and bloated and dizzy and ill. Soooooo thirsty with no desire to drink. Ruining the whole entire day. Lying to the BF how French fries made me feel so sick today.....kinda knowing he knows.

I KNOW realistically the bloat will be over tomorrow, but right now I feel like a beached 🐳, fat and needing water. I look HUGE and feel it under my skin.

I hate that my mind finds this OK! Taking any less than 12 is not punishment enough. Brain fog and stomach cramps! 🙃

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Yep
/u/imayimight
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:08:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vco3f/yep/
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https://imgur.com/a/jbd2dmz

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[Help] Super low TDEE?
/u/orchia
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:07:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vco2y/super_low_tdee/
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So I’ve been trying to maintain for the past 3 weeks and I’ve gained 7 pounds. SEVEN. I was fine until I started eating over 1000 cal, and after that I just started getting heavier and heavier every day. Maybe some of it is food/water weight, but that couldn’t add up to as much as 7 lbs, right?

I did a TDEE calculator online (the SailRabbit one) and it put my TDEE around 1400-1500. I don’t move around much — like I literally just sit on my bed and take a few steps at most — but I also did put that into the TDEE calculator so idk.

I’ve also been tracking my intake and weight on a spreadsheet for a couple weeks, and it says my TDEE is around 1000-1100. I’m pretty sure I’m counting calories correctly (I weigh everything lol), so is my TDEE just unusually low or something?

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[Help] What’s more accurate for weighing: before or after cooking?
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:03:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vcmze/whats_more_accurate_for_weighing_before_or_after/
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Do you weigh your food before or after cooking for the purpose of tracking calories. Does it matter? I feel like the only difference in weight would be attributed to water that might cook off. Is that reasonable?

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[Discussion] Hierarchies of eating disorders?
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Sun Jul 1 14:02:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vcmmz/hierarchies_of_eating_disorders/
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Hey folks, I feel like I’m not the only person who gets this sense that there is a hierarchy of eating disorders, where having one disorder is “better” than another – and not in terms of health outcomes (e.g. bulimia kills fewer people than anorexia) but rather based on some weird system of virtues and evaluation of a person’s “success”.

Like, personally I think I’ve had an eating disorder since I was 14 but when asked I say my first significant disordered eating episode/pattern was when I was 16. It’s because I am reluctant to admit that I’ve been struggling with binge eating disorder, and that period of few months when I was 16 and I would purge is less embarrassing. Binge eating disorder is “valid” and all but in my head I have a hard time considering it a real eating disorder because I didn’t even end up skinny from it.

And like, in my fucked up head classical anorexia nervosa is the top of the list. I think I could fall under an OSFED/atypical anorexia diagnosis right now but honestly I don’t want to seek any help at all until I get a “real” anorexia diagnosis. The classical diagnosis is only given to those with a bmi of less than 17.5, who do not engage in binging or purging behaviours (because then you get the “binge purge subtype” diagnosis). For whatever reason, part of me feels like if you’re able to get that skinny and never binge or purge you’re somehow better than the rest of us because you’re strong and determined or whatever.

It’s a really fucked up mindset, and of course parts of it are blatantly and objectively false. That being said I can’t help but feel like I’m not the only person who thinks like this. I wonder if anyone else has thoughts on this hierarchy matter, and whether or not you believe this is reproduced by us and the way we talk about our EDs (for example no one says “fat people have EDs too” without following up with “binge eating disorder is also valid” as though bigger people don’t suffer from the effects of caloric restriction/purging)

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ED and drinking
/u/ellerzverse
Created: Sun Jul 1 13:52:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vck49/ed_and_drinking/
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Ahhh, drinking and restricting. My two favorite unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I can’t resist drinking nightly. Even if I tell myself all day that I’m going to stay sober, when the early evening rolls around, I always indulge my urge to escape by getting drunk. Usually a whole bottle of wine or more. I don’t even think about the calories because I’m scared to know how much I’m consuming. But I know it’s setting me WAY behind. I’m so fucking ashamed of myself.

I’m curious to know if anyone else shares this problem and how they cope with it. I feel so lost and alone. Thank you

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Why does everything have so many carbs?
/u/crankyhedgiebutt
Created: Sun Jul 1 13:36:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vcft7/why_does_everything_have_so_many_carbs/
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Hey everyone,

I'm just here to vent a little. I've been trying to keep a low carb diet and have been dying inside learning how many carbs everything has. It feels like there are no safe foods whatsoever!! My goal right now is to cut so I fat burn and have my abs pop out. And its just so damn stressful and frustrating.

Pretty much nothing but low cal veggies and berries are safe. It's so annoying because I feel like I've been so hungry and am not getting enough energy to work and work out. I feel weaker lately and just am getting burnt out mentally and physically. Like I don't even know if I should eat lentils or beans because they are LOADED with carbs. I feel like I'm just gonna have to eat eggs, yogurt, berries, veggies, and lean meats only. But its just so hard to keep to especially since my job is physical. I've been feeling so weak at work and its really getting to me. I don't even know if I can eat cheese anymore or peanut butter. I feel like there's just nothing safe anymore.

It's literally causing so much stress and I feel like I haven't been able to breathe for weeks now because of it. Ughhh I just want a six pack. It's all I've wanted for years. The first two top abs are coming in but my lower belly is a bitch and doesn't wanna cooperate. Thanks mom for telling me when I was young that my lower belly isn't flat. It's been an obsession since that point and its been over a decade now.

I just want to be able to relax and be able to focus on shit that matters more. But I'm obsessed and can't stop counting calories and somewhat keeping track of macros. It's stressful as hell man. How long is it gonna take for me to get where I want to be??? It feels like there's no end in sight to this battle. I wish I didn't obsess over looks, carbs, calories, and what people think about what I look like. This is torture.

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Why "Everything in Moderation" Doesn't Fucking Work (for me)
/u/stupidminnow
Created: Sun Jul 1 13:20:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vcbht/why_everything_in_moderation_doesnt_fucking_work/
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Just as any semi-informed person would never suggest a recovering alcoholic indulge in “just one” glass of wine on a holiday, it’s time for me to take responsibility and admit I’m never going to be able to have “just one” meal out with friends or “just one” treat on a special day.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m completely addicted to food and my trigger for a binge cycle is *always* eating something I don’t have the exact calorie count of. And as it’s impossible to go the rest of my life abstaining from all food (although let’s be real, how awesome would that be??!), the alternative is I can never eat anything I haven’t weighed/measured and calculated the calories of myself.

Will my birthday and holidays be different? Yep. But so will the weeks following those special days and that’s something I desire far more than feeling “normal” for a few hours at a social gathering.

Although most non-disordered people would consider how I plan to handle my addiction as “extreme,” I find it far more extreme to continue at the rate I am, mindlessly eating upwards of 10k calories several days in a row and then following that with weeks of fasting/heavy restriction, purging, and overexercising.

And I’m not even fucking ashamed. If someone asks me why I’m not eating I’m going to tell the goddamn truth. It’s time to stop pretending over half of this country isn’t addicted to food. Everything these days besides whole plant foods is far too: hyperpalatable, cheap, and easily accessible. I don’t care how uncomfortable the truth is going to make Grandma at Thanksgiving when she asks why I’m eating my pre-portioned food I brought from home. “Well to be honest, I have an addiction to food and because of that I don’t know when to stop eating, so I have to rely on eating at my calculated maintenance calories to avoid becoming overweight and compromising my health.”

TL;DR - MyFitnessPal all day err’day 4 lyfe.

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[Rant/Rave] Wanting to be much worse before getting help
/u/PoppyViolet_
Created: Sun Jul 1 13:18:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vcazd/wanting_to_be_much_worse_before_getting_help/
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So I made the effort to ask for help from my doctor recently- cried my eyes out but it was a step. Got referred to the hospital for their mental health unit and it’s been a few weeks since then.

Yet the only thing going through my mind is how much weight I want to have lost by the time I get my appointment. It’s this weird messed up part of my head that almost wants to prove that I’m actually ill and dealing with this. I’m not tiny, as much as I wish I was, but this part of my head is telling me I need to be thinner before the appointment.

Just kind of wanting to get this off my mind

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Found 90 cal vegan pad Thai!!!
/u/orthoreXXX
Created: Sun Jul 1 13:05:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vc7ci/found_90_cal_vegan_pad_thai/
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Just found 90 cal vegan pad Thai from Miracle Noodle Kitchen at Walmart! They use shiritaki noodles and 1 package is 2 servings. It tastes not terrible lol

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[Help] Parents are now force feeding me
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Sun Jul 1 12:58:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vc5ln/parents_are_now_force_feeding_me/
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Hi, this is the redditor who posted on here not to long ago about how my parents found out about my ed and sat me down to talk. Today they force fed me a plate of fried fish, pasta and toast (with butter). When I refused at first my mother told me that if I didnt eat what was in front of me she will have me go inpatient and even go as far as kick me out of the house. She is aware that she has every legal right to do so as I am still minor, so she force fed me. I had no choice but to eat it all...

I hate myself aso much. I dont know what to do anymore. I know my parents are doing this for the sake of my own health but they don't know how much it fucking hurts.. I want to get better but I'm not ready for recovery. Im too fat.

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[Help] Just "purged" for the first time :(
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Sun Jul 1 12:28:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vbxpg/just_purged_for_the_first_time/
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It wasn't hardly anything- just two lumps of rice cakes came up.. but I actually sort of did it. I started to cry right after. What am I doing with my life? I am home alone so depressed- I ate 700-800 calories yesterday and wanted to fast today but instead already ate 600+ calories this morning. I need encouragement for my delusional irrational mind. Please help me :( this is 2nd to the lowest point in my life.
I wish we could be free from these chains that hold us down.

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Looks like MPA is dying
/u/itsalonstora
Created: Sun Jul 1 12:14:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vbtso/looks_like_mpa_is_dying/
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I've been inactive for the past few months, but it looks like the website/forum is changing hands to another company, and the current admin isn't communicating about what's going on and all the mods are leaving/have left. The website is getting transferred tonight to a new system, but it's basically been declared that MPA is dying and people are jumping ship to different ProED websites.

Thoughts on this? I'm thinking about joining [EDC](http://eatingdisordercentral.com/) when registration opens, but it's interesting to watch such a large community collapse.

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[Help] Pls help me guesstimate the cals in this airline meal! No calorie info has been provided...
/u/vintagetimetable
Created: Sun Jul 1 11:49:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vbn8h/pls_help_me_guesstimate_the_cals_in_this_airline/
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https://i.redd.it/9jp1an5qjd711.png

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People who think they're holier than thou because they skip one meal piss me off endlessly
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Sun Jul 1 11:47:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vbmm2/people_who_think_theyre_holier_than_thou_because/
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Susan, you're not special. No one cares you skipped breakfast. No, your not going to lose 10 pounds, no, you're not that random. No, you're not anorexic.

Sorry I needed to mini rant. I just hate people that do this.

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[Rant/Rave] I don’t understand weight loss at all some days
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Sun Jul 1 11:22:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vbg34/i_dont_understand_weight_loss_at_all_some_days/
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Okay so I must be counting calories wrong or something because literally I’d eat 2 slices of cheese pizza + bread and peanut butter and either gain slightly or maintain.

Yesterday I ate 10 McNuggets, a large fry, random handfuls of chips, THREE mikes hard lemonades and a shot of vodka. And I lost a pound. Every time I’m drinking I end up losing weight? Am I just dehydrated? I didn’t puke or anything. Or is this one of those whooshes everyone talks about?

Man this disorder messes with my head

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when u break a fast with a binge
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Sun Jul 1 11:12:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vbd5b/when_u_break_a_fast_with_a_binge/
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https://i.redd.it/rrrn3j11dd711.png

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[Help] What am I doing wrong ?
/u/eciotti
Created: Sun Jul 1 10:46:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vb67l/what_am_i_doing_wrong/
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Hello. I am having an issue with losing weight. I started at 150 and am now at 142. Here is my problem. I started a diet and consumed 650 calories a day and did the elliptical for an hour every day. It calculated I burned 540 calories. Last Sunday I weighed myself and found I was not at 143( I am assuming that was all water weight) this week I stuck to my same diet and same workout and checked my weight today and only lost one pound. How did I only lose 1 lbs when I am burning so many calories? Does my weight start to shed faster the longer I do this. Here is what I consume in a day
Morning: two cups black coffee
Lunch: whole wheat bread with a small amount of peanut butter and granola
Dinner- a small protein bar that is 180 calories.
What more should I be doing ? Why can I not shed more ?

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[Help] Not eating due to stress from a stalker.
/u/DieNecrodancerKatze
Created: Sun Jul 1 10:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vb4qu/not_eating_due_to_stress_from_a_stalker/
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I'll keep it short, this person makes fake Facebook accounts to pester me, and is claiming they basically always know where I am. So my eating habits are shit,and my boyfriend is upset by it. 😐 I might also mention I'm moving soon so that just adds up onto the shit.

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I had "an experience" last night. A good experience!
/u/Egleriel
Created: Sun Jul 1 10:31:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vb2fa/i_had_an_experience_last_night_a_good_experience/
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Guys. My god. This is a little sketch to write out online. If you have an issue with drugs I apologize!


So last night I decided for whatever reason to take a pill of MDMA, which I'm sure most of you know is like a pure uncut version of ecstasy. And for those who don't know, it basically floods your brain with serotonin, which makes you feel happy and loved.


I have never in my life appreciated myself more. I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time and just admired myself and my dancing (to Post Malone 😂). My blue hair, the way my pupils were the size of plates, even in the light, and yes, even my body. I have never in my life seen myself for what i am, but last night changed that. It's insane.


I loved everything that touched me, my cats fur was so soft, the may my boyfriend rubbed my back. I even loved the humidity and warmth outside and even a disgusting cockroach. Who I have named papa roach lmao


I dont love myself yet but I definitely have a new appreciation for a lot of things. Maybe I'm not that ugly and fat after all, even if thats what I see when I'm sober.


P.S. i also loved this drug because of everything I loved, I despised food in my mouth. The textures were whack. That is all.

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T-shirts with food graphics
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Sun Jul 1 10:30:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vb273/tshirts_with_food_graphics/
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I find food jokes on T-shirts funny but there’s no way I can wear them being this fat. I feel people would see it and be like omg of course she thinks about food all the time. A skinny person wearing a T-shirt with a food joke suddenly becomes funny. I bought the shirt in a small anyways so I can’t even wear it yet lol. It’s a goal to be able to wear it tho!

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[Help] Doctors office appt.. A few questions
/u/coconutfi
Created: Sun Jul 1 10:21:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vb00t/doctors_office_appt_a_few_questions/
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I'm making a doctors appt about some heart problems I've been having, and I haven't been in for a while so I'm sure they'll weigh me.

This is so pathetic but: I want to get my weight low enough for them to ask me about it. I hate when my friends and family notice/are concerned, but for some reason I do want SOMEONE (other than them) to comment on it.

How low does your weight have to be for a doctor to comment on it?

If I'm coming in for minor heart concerns, is it dangerous to be too low of a weight? Like will they make me go get other tests because of it? I really don't want them to take action (I'm not going to admit to anything) because I don't want my parents finding out.

Lastly: is buying a cheap scale accurate/worth it? I want to make sure my weight is low enough before I go in, but I don't want to buy an expensive scale. I'm probably going to toss it pretty quickly bc I don't want anyone finding it.

This is so pathetic.

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Avoiding weight gain after restriction
/u/MaybeIdonot
Created: Sun Jul 1 10:04:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vavrt/avoiding_weight_gain_after_restriction/
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Hi ! I recently (over a month period) lost about 12 pounds. Probably have crohn's or something of that nature (no appetite, vomiting after meals, intense acid reflux...) I've been vegan for 11 years now.

I am starting (today !) to try to refeed myself with fruits and greens. Low fat raw vegan / 80 10 10 / High carb low fat. That's how I got out of anorexia (and years of vomiting everything I was eating). I was wondering how I should do it in order to avoid to gain the weight back (I'm a little underweight now but want to stay that way, ideally).

Thanks !

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do any of you watch the show "Crazy Ex Girlfriend" ?
/u/verypetitbourgeois
Created: Sun Jul 1 09:53:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vat3y/do_any_of_you_watch_the_show_crazy_ex_girlfriend/
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Because I really feel like I'm gonna start singing a song called "Bulimia is back, it's the bulimia song" with sudden lights and dancers and musicians popping out of nowhere in my appartment...

Something like

> Bulimia is back (it's the bulimia song)
Bulimia is back (it's the bulimia song)
I thought it was gone (its not)
I thought it was the restriction song (it's the bulimia song)

I was restricting for weeks, living of that high yo
I thought I was finally gonna be a skinny thin hoe
But I've been eating dirty snacks for weeks
Every day, all day, snacks for weeks
Now I'm drinking every night, living of that high yo
Vomitting every night, I'm a puked up dirty hoe
Dirty from puke, like that girl that I met once in a club toilet that had puked all over herself because she was drinking too much that night from trying to forget her ex

Bulimia is back (it's the bulimia song)
Bulimia is back (it's the bulimia song)
I thought it was gone (its not)
I thought it was the restriction song (it's the bulimia song)

I wake up at noon, eat all the way, eat till I puke, eat till I die
Eyes like racoon, haven't seen anyone, they all think I'm high
That I've been using again (I'm not)
I'm just eatin all the time, eatin till I die
I also drink and watch videos, puke from time to time
And start a new show on netflix like Queer Eye

Bulimia is back (it's the bulimia song)
Bulimia is back (it's the bulimia song)
I thought it was gone (its not)
I thought it was the restriction song (it's the bulimia song)

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To those here who purge, how long have you been doing it, how did it start, and has it escalated over time?
/u/sugafreedreams
Created: Sun Jul 1 09:43:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vaqg7/to_those_here_who_purge_how_long_have_you_been/
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My eating disorder started about a year ago with healthy weight loss that morphed into an unhealthy obsession with control and numbers, me going from almost obese to underweight as a result. Two months ago I ate well over my planned calories and decided to attempt purging for the first time ever, I discovered that I can almost completely empty my entire stomach after a meal in 15 seconds by bending over in a certain position and contracting muscles in my abdomen. That one purge completely changed my eating disorder, and I went from obsessively planning calories and what I'll eat next to basically eating how I did before I started losing weight but purging the biggest meals to not gain weight.

Even though purging is very harmful to the health in many many ways (electrolytes, teeth, etc), I honestly feel like my mental health has improved a lot now that I don't have to constantly think about what I'm going to eat next and how many calories it will be. The ED part of my brain is still definitely there and I'm terrified of certain foods and gaining weight, but the most debilitating calorie-obsessing aspect is now thankfully gone and I don't mind maintaining my current weight. Even though it's been relatively under control for two months now (I do it less than daily and never do extra-damaging things like flushing), I feel like there's a big risk for things escalating in the future because of how easy and effortless it is for me. It would be interesting to hear the stories of other people who have purged for a longer time, especially ones who can do it hands-free like me. Have things gotten worse for you over time?

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Do y’all believe in “negative calorie” foods?
/u/chemist_the_menace
Created: Sun Jul 1 08:54:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8vaenq/do_yall_believe_in_negative_calorie_foods/
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Are they real

Are they a conspiracy

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I actually don't hate my body anymore
/u/proudnalgeneowner
Created: Sun Jul 1 08:06:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8va3wl/i_actually_dont_hate_my_body_anymore/
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IDK what my flair says on this sub, it might be 87 since that's my LW, but after an excruciating 5.5 months in treatment that ended with me angrily signing myself out, I'm somewhere between 117 and 113. I don't know. and that's okay.

I don't hate my body that much anymore. I don't like to look at it, but I wouldn't call this hatred. it's more like riding the line between apathy and acceptance. Fucking surreal.

The problem is, it doesn't fucking matter because I can't eat enough anyway. and I know that once I get a taste of that sweet, sweet subtraction I'll plummet into a relapse. I have a really fast metabolism and have struggled my whole life to maintain a healthy weight, how am I going to start now?

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Question about walking
/u/StormBite
Created: Sun Jul 1 08:04:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8va3en/question_about_walking/
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Hey everybody. This is my first post to here. I've dealt with an ED pretty severely since middle school and high school but as of late I've kind of turned back to it.


Anyway, I live on the second floor and like to do "quiet exercises." Right now I like to just pace back and forth in my room. I can do this for hours while listening to my tv or doing something on my phone. My question is, even if I just walk the length of my room over and over again will my body "get used to it" and eventually not burn as many calories? My room is about fifteen steps across if that matters.


Thanks for reading!

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[Rant/Rave] Raise your hand if you have a problematic family 🙋🏾‍♀️
/u/kaplazzle
Created: Sun Jul 1 07:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8va0qy/raise_your_hand_if_you_have_a_problematic_family/
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Hello all of you beautiful people

It’s a nice Carolina morning, so you know already in the 80s and tons of humidity before 10am 🙃

Anyway. To make this quick, my family is constantly triggering me. One minute it’s “*oh no kaplazzle, haha you have no ass*” and then the next “*where did you get those big legs from, we don’t have those on this side*” or “*I want to give you clothes but every time I see you, you’ve gained weight*”

Bitch. Who asked youuuuu

Omg, it’s like you can’t be black and be skinny by you can’t be fat either? You can’t be healthy or you’re “starving” and you can’t eat too much or it’s “be careful.” Wtf y’all, I don’t understand why people can’t just mind their own business. Go eat your potato salad and greens with the ham in it and leave me tf alone. WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST BROCCOLI?!!!

Alright, I am finished. Thanks.

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I'm so fucking pissed at myself
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Sun Jul 1 07:49:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8va07t/im_so_fucking_pissed_at_myself/
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These past few weeks have been a trainwreck. I can't stop eating over my limit and binging when I'm not even hungry.

Several weeks to a month ago my stomach looked great and flat and I was so happy, now I can tell it's bigger and I'm disgusted with myself.

I haven't purged before but I've come pretty close these past few days and I'm scared I'll start and make a habit of it.

I have no idea what's happening with me anymore. I feel like I might be recovering but it's actually just me eating high calorie foods and then hating myself.

I just needed to rant where people would understand and get this off my chest. Thanks for reading this.

---

[Rant/Rave] When you’ve lost X.5 pounds this week and you’re just mad that your body couldn’t just round it up for you
/u/everythingischemical
Created: Sun Jul 1 07:44:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v9zey/when_youve_lost_x5_pounds_this_week_and_youre/
---
That’s the worst feeling.

I’m losing weight and can’t even enjoy feeling accomplished. I never feel good enough. I hate it.

[Cw: numbers](/s "I lost 3.5 pounds this week and am mad that it isn’t 4 lbs. wtf")

---

[Rant/Rave] Can’t get it all up and want to die
/u/belle_gry
Created: Sun Jul 1 07:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v9twl/cant_get_it_all_up_and_want_to_die/
---
I had the biggest binge I’ve ever had with the plan to purge it all but I don’t know why I can’t get it all up. I’ve never purged ice cream before and maybe it’s really heavy and holding everything down or something? I’ve tried drinking litres of water, jumping up and down but keep just getting up heaps of clear water and random lumps of food. I can’t fucking believe this is happening, I’m lying in bed crying. I need to be dead rather than put on the extra weight. I freaking hate myself. Oh my god I’m so disgusting fuckkkkkk. I’m already so fat and I’m going to put on even more weight. I’m so repulsed by my existence. Just needed to get this out. It’s a really lonely place to be and I feel really awful

---

[Rant/Rave] Petty rant about how disappointed I am about myself.
/u/im_an_actual_hippie
Created: Sun Jul 1 07:14:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v9t2s/petty_rant_about_how_disappointed_i_am_about/
---
I've recovered, but...If only I were thinner (CW: 123, GW1: 117 lbs Height: 5'1 Body frame: small) , I'd be at my best appearance. I feel bad for not being at the "peak" of my appearance. I've gotten better skin, hair make-overs. All I need is to be at the weight I was at last year. It isn't even at a low BMI! I don't really know why I've got this switch in my head that is doing a bad job at preventing me from eating when I'm full. It used to be easy.

Well, to say that I've recovered is not totally true. But I haven't thrown up or restricted heavily lately. But if I could restrict again, I would. I'd be happier. I'd finally be "fine" and okay.

---

Afraid of safe foods
/u/kaseysospacey
Created: Sun Jul 1 07:03:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v9qv5/afraid_of_safe_foods/
---
/vent Normally im already a hot mess of cyclical mania and restricting or depressed and binging, with periods of intense b/p and occasional c/s. But a coworker told me she heard another coworker was making fun of my weight/my dieting and now I cant get over it,I have anxiety now when I try to eat even my safe foods. I had coffee with skim and splenda,diet soda and a few olives my coworker made me eat yestersay but i couldn't even bring myself to eat the flavored tuna packet or broth cube id brought for a cup of broth. Even thinking about have a protein shake or pack of tuna has me about crying. I have a diet v8 energy (10cal) mixed w seltzer in my water bottle and i havent been able to bring myself to have any :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Weighed myself! Conquered the fear!
/u/SpeckledCollie
Created: Sun Jul 1 06:40:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v9mfb/weighed_myself_conquered_the_fear/
---
I'm only 64kg...that's 8kg up from my lowest weight and 6kg up from my "okay I can deal with this weight".

This is also post workout, pre-poop, on my period...you get the gist.

So so so happy. Now just to get my arse in gear and shift it. Losertown projects that I'll be back at 58 at around the start of August (I go to the gym 3 times a week and also work in retail for the summer, then I'm off back to teaching, so always on my feet). WISH ME LUCK!!! XXXX

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! July 01, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jul 1 06:12:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v9hnn/daily_food_diary_july_01_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for July 01, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jul 1 06:11:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v9hdm/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
---
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:

* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found

---

how do you manage your ED around friends?
/u/bananaemoji
Created: Sun Jul 1 05:31:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v9b4i/how_do_you_manage_your_ed_around_friends/
---
so this is probably gonna sound really pathetic...but how do you guys hide your ED around friends? specifically when you restrict?

this is my first FT job out of college and there is a group of 5 of us who are super tight. we do everything together...grocery shop, happy hour, lunch, even “family dinner” a few times a week. i’ve never had a friend group like this before so i’ve never had to manage my ed in front of an audience before. i fucked up by becoming friends with them while recovered- i used to go out to lunch with them and help make dinner but now none of those things interest me at all anymore and they are definitely catching on that something is up. i started EC stacking this week and had major muscular cramps and literally every single one of them said “maybe it’s because you need to eat real food” but maybe i don’t want fucking lasagna and i sure as fuck don’t want to eat lasagna in the break room for all the world to see.....

i guess this has become more of a rant but i’m scared of losing my friends over my ed but i’m even more scared of not losing weight. ugh i miss being a rational person

---

[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate myself
/u/shonamairead
Created: Sun Jul 1 04:52:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v95gt/i_fucking_hate_myself/
---
I had an ok day yesterday and tried to avoid looking at myself so much. I had a small bag of Doritos and some jam on toast and I felt generally ok about myself. This morning I open my Instagram and see one of my friends post a bikini pic from her holiday and she’s so fucking tiny and she has hip bones and collarbones and abs and I hate myself so much and I want to cry. Here’s to another 24 hour fast!

---

[Discussion] Annoyed
/u/fuckingupleftnright
Created: Sun Jul 1 04:29:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v92cl/annoyed/
---
Just went on a short family trip with LOTS of photos. Hate how I look in all of them i think I look gross and fat even though in other pictures from last weekend I like the way I look (so I posted them).

My uncle said something kind of weird though. He said: my wife was like is *My name* photoshopping her pictures or is she really that thin rn. And he said that he can report I'm actually that skinny having seen me irl. It made me feel so bad about myself because I don't believe him the pictures I post are super flattering. Maybe my mum said something about me losing weight and being weird about body image because they had some time alone to chat right before that comment.

I feel gross. I've gained .5lb probably but I look gross now. The pictures from the trip attest to it.

Body dysmorphia is a bitch and no, I don't look that skinny.

---

[Discussion] How old are you guys?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Sun Jul 1 04:20:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v911e/how_old_are_you_guys/
---
I'm definitely not here to judge anyone but im really just curious of the age ranges that are in this sub, please dont share anything you're not comfortable with doing so thank you !

---

[Other] OCD and ED fuel each other - Does anyone find their OCD plays a role in their ED?
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Sun Jul 1 04:07:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v8zbw/ocd_and_ed_fuel_each_other_does_anyone_find_their/
---
I have lots of symptoms of OCD (not diagnosed and I do not want to self diagnose, but I am capable of recognizing the behaviors and symptoms in myself) and I certainly have a big obsession with numbers. Not just for food, but for other things as well.

I fixate on numbers like 11, 111, 1111 and things like this ... Just realized that for my height a weight of 111lbs would put me at BMI of 17.4 which would be in the criteria for anorexia. Not that I want to be anorexic but I want to be thin and have an underweight BMI.

So now you can bet I am fixated on this, and I want desperately to attain this 111lb weight... and I don't know how much I weigh now because I can't weigh myself because it scares me too much, so no idea how far I have to go.

Does anyone find their OCD plays a role in their ED?

---

Any Arab girls here?
/u/eyeliner-and-kindess
Created: Sun Jul 1 04:06:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v8z61/any_arab_girls_here/
---
Calling all Middle Eastern ED girls..

---

ED thoughts are so obsessive I even count the calories I burn while having sex with my partner.
/u/niki1998bobe
Created: Sun Jul 1 03:34:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v8uzf/ed_thoughts_are_so_obsessive_i_even_count_the/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] people who don't take allergies seriously piss me off >:(
/u/little_milkee
Created: Sun Jul 1 03:24:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v8tnh/people_who_dont_take_allergies_seriously_piss_me/
---
the other day I went with my mom to this dessert cafe and we ordered a bunch of things to share, yadda yadda yadda.

anyway one of the things we got was a sweetened black sesame soup. as soon as the waitress put it down, I felt that there was someone off about the way it smelled so I asked her if there was any peanuts / nuts in it, as I was allergic to nuts.

she assured me there wasn't, it was just a sesame soup, so I took a sip and lo and behold... it had peanut blended into it.

we had to cut our time short and go home where I proceeded to projectile vomit everywhere and had stomach cramps for hours.

and imagine how much worse that would have ended up if someone had an allergy that would cause them to asphyxiate, not just having tummy problems.

I swear my biggest pet peeve is when people don't take allergies seriously.

my grandma didn't even take my seafood allergy seriously until she gave me a meatball mixed with fish paste without telling me and I puked on her shoes.

>:(

just had to get that out, I was super super pissed off.

have a good day everyone 🌸

---

[Other] [Rant] I can't afford my ED/other life problems
/u/IcyGreenEyes
Created: Sun Jul 1 02:41:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v8nrz/rant_i_cant_afford_my_edother_life_problems/
---
I just started purging again a couple months ago, it always seems like a good idea at the time. Eat food, purge, eat more, purge etc....A bonus is that it tires my body and mind. I usually have trouble focusing, my mind is always racing, but when I b/p it's all I think about in the moment. When I'm not b/p I drink all day when I'm alone. Which is about 800 cals depending on what I'm drinking. It calms me down but obviously it's the wrong way to go about things. Ugh. Can't tell which is worse, bulimia or alcoholism. :/

Tonight I really messed up though, well this entire weekend. I'm trying not to eat anything on the weekends because it's the only time i work. Which for me is a lot easier to restrict. But I work alone and got bored so yesterday I spent $15 on fast food just to purge it all...and then today I spent $10 at the gas station just to purge. I feel like I'm throwing my money away. Wish I had more self control. I want to try to do better this week...but I just don't know. It's hard to keep trying when you've failed every time before.

Anyway, thanks for reading my rant. It helps just to write it all down. Feel free to share a rant of your own if you'd like.

---

[Other] how does one get diagnosed with an ED anyway?
/u/little_milkee
Created: Sun Jul 1 01:32:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v8e1y/how_does_one_get_diagnosed_with_an_ed_anyway/
---
like, do you just go to the doctor for a check up and they're like, "we think you might have an ED" and diagnose you?

or do you tell them yourselves, so they diagnose you?

or does something else happen?

we covered eating disorders in a psych course I took but that they never told us how a diagnosis actually happens (just the technicalities and requirements for one) and it's bugged me ever since.

---

I was scrolling through instagram and feeling down about myself (all these beautiful people with perfect bodies...) and I stumbled upon this. This is so small and unintentional but it made me feel soooo much better.
/u/selfhateismyhobby
Created: Sun Jul 1 01:18:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v8c2a/i_was_scrolling_through_instagram_and_feeling/
---
https://i.redd.it/1cjnu9k5fa711.png

---

[Goal] In the past week I’ve been to two restaurants with my mom and only ordered tea. I also made an assortment of desserts and didn’t try one single thing. This is the only thing in my life I am proud about now
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Sun Jul 1 00:36:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v85mk/in_the_past_week_ive_been_to_two_restaurants_with/
---
With a history of binge eating (especially after trying “just a little” at a restaurant and then coming home and inhaling the refrigerator), I am really surprised/hopeful that maybe I’m not going to binge anymore.

I just went to a restaurant today and just had tea. I had halo top and then jello at home. That’s all. I feel like my self control must be getting better since before I never could go into a restaurant and walk out without eating food.

Baking for 10 hours straight and smelling all the yummy things and not even licking a chocolate chip was my biggest accomplishment of the year. Sad but also amazing? I don’t know. I need a pinch self confidence from somewhere 🙃

---

Really useful tip I just found out myself.
/u/nihilistatari
Created: Sun Jul 1 00:03:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v80ec/really_useful_tip_i_just_found_out_myself/
---
If you are struggling to restrict/fast, just brush your teeth 1-2 times.
I just brushed my teeth and I then, about 10 minutes later, I tried to eat something small, and it tasted absolutely terrible and I couldn't even finish it or take a full bite.
I think I just discovered a hack.

---

Sometimes you just need to "take a night off".
/u/PerfctBodyPerfctSoul
Created: Sat Jun 30 23:53:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v7ysq/sometimes_you_just_need_to_take_a_night_off/
---
Tonight is that night.

So I've been restricting pretty heavily, and exercising heavily, because frankly there's nobody to stop me and I get very destructive even there's no other adult in the house, and I'm at my current short term goal. I'm also not sleeping, because that's a thing... Anyway, combine that with new medication that's making me vomit the little I do eat (I don't purge other than exercise. I cannot do vomiting for several reasons.), and god damn fireworks setting off my PTSD and giving me anxiety attacks with hallucinations and well! I was a fucking mess last night and today. And I had to pick up my young daughter from the airport, because she spent a week with my husband's parents on the coast, and I've got a lot of anxiety about her traveling alone because she's my baby and I'm too young still to deal with this mentally and anyway, it got to 10am this morning and I realised that I was dying. Obviously I wasn't actually dying, but I felt like it. My potassium levels were shit. I could tell from past experience. Drank a Powerade, and it took a few hours.. But I'm okay. And no fucks are now given. Had a couple friends come over for some wine and bitching, and I decided to hell with it. I'm taking the night off from my insanity more or less. All my calories went to two glasses of white wine and tortilla chips and queso dip and a cookie.

And I'm okay with this. I'm going to take some Benadryl and sleep really hard for once, and in the morning, I'm going to weigh myself, and I'm not going to freak out at the salt bloat, because it's not real. I know this. It's not real. Two glasses of wine and some chips and dips isn't a million calories. I'm okay. I'm okay.

That's it.

---

[Help] How many pounds are you losing on average every month?
/u/biscotti-hottie
Created: Sat Jun 30 23:45:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v7xcx/how_many_pounds_are_you_losing_on_average_every/
---
Hi guys!!!! I need some quick quick advice / help. I want to lose 30 pounds, my eating is so so fucked up but I’m ready to get back on the restricting train instead of binging and purging all the time and sabotaging myself.

I was wondering how much y’all are losing on average every month?

I want to hear some stories and some form of validation to know that losing weight is possible and I won’t be starving myself in vain. I’ve been stuck in the cycle of eating too much then too little and never gaining or losing weight. Any advice is welcome, I really need it. Thank you all SO MUCH.

---

[Other] Got wisdom teeth out
/u/inxthewolf1
Created: Sat Jun 30 23:39:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v7wf7/got_wisdom_teeth_out/
---
I got my wisdom teeth out on Monday, and been living off of water, popsicles, and eggs for like fiveish day and I’ve lost like 9 lb already ( not really sure I have to weigh my self tomorrow morning.)
I don’t have in appetite anymore because of the surgery. So have any of you had your wisdom out and just lost all appetite?

---

Having a rough night even though in way under my self imposed limit
/u/LilijaDax
Created: Sat Jun 30 23:38:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v7w9k/having_a_rough_night_even_though_in_way_under_my/
---
I've had one IPA and a whiskey soda, and a spoon full of beans earlier in the day. I'm at like 450 cal for the day, but I'm struggling because I want another beer (going through a divorce and have used alcohol in the past to self medicate). I know I can, and shouldn't, but I feel so guilty and don't want to go home, and I can't just keep sitting here and drinking seltzer because my STBX is waiting up at home for me and the bartender is looking at me funny. I want to die basically.

---

18+ pro ed server (READ ALL RULES)
/u/disgvstkink
Created: Sat Jun 30 23:35:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v7vqn/18_pro_ed_server_read_all_rules/
---
https://starving-for-wings.tumblr.com/post/175329578721/18-eating-disorder-discord

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else follow obese people on Instagram?
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Sat Jun 30 23:27:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v7ua0/does_anyone_else_follow_obese_people_on_instagram/
---
No? Just me because I'm a horrible person that uses the bodies of other people to not only boost my self esteem, but fuel my need not to eat - cool thx

---

Google just suggested an article for me titled "Best treadmills for heavy people." Thanks Google, I really needed that right now 😩
/u/AnAccidentSince1997
Created: Sat Jun 30 23:21:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v7tbn/google_just_suggested_an_article_for_me_titled/
---

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else at a point in their life that your ED is the only sole thing you have control over?
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Sat Jun 30 22:53:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v7o2r/is_anyone_else_at_a_point_in_their_life_that_your/
---
I am at a really rough place in my life and literally all that I have to control is my ED.

So many times I get the urge to binge and the though that pops into my head is that I’ll literally be out of control in every way possible if I do that and that thought is too dark to allow me to binge

When I was in a better (or more delusionally happy) place, binging was hard but it wasn’t preventing my ONLY source of happiness.

In some twisted way, my ED is the only thing keeping me together.

Can anyone relate?

---

BRO
/u/Zefuyne
Created: Sat Jun 30 22:46:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v7mmt/bro/
---
LOOK AT THIS WEBSITE MY DUDESUHVUDHSG

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/#gsc.tab=0

its a bunch of parents with eating disordered children.

not bad huh

except half the forums are sneaky ways to add and extra 400-1000 calories to every meal your child has.

this is so manipulative why would you even consider that?

---

Life after college graduation
/u/iwanttoblowaway
Created: Sat Jun 30 22:43:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v7m5j/life_after_college_graduation/
---
Hey guys I'm feeling really down tonight. I'm drunk as hell and maybe that's part of it but idk. I'm graduating college next may. I know it's a long way off but if the next year is anything like the past 4 I'm afraid I'm gonna blink and it'll be gone. It just hit me tonight that all of the amazing friends I've made will all go their separate ways and honestly I just don't know how to deal with that. It breaks my fucking heart because I love college. I love the stress and the nights out with all my friends after deadlines and I just love all of this and I don't know how I'm going to be able to cope with leaving it all behind. I have a great career ahead of me and I absolutely love what I study but I just don't know what I'll do when it ends. The best friends I've ever had in my entire life are the ones I've made here. I literally love them as much as I love my parents and my sister and I don't think I can just leave them and move to a new city and work.

Like I know it's gonna be different but I went back to my college town this weekend and a lot of my friends came back to because one of our friends' birthday was this week and he's taking summer classes so we all came back to have fun here. The bar played my favorite song and I just started crying because idk what's gonna happen after this. I wish I could just stay here foreve with everyone.

I'm just really drunk rn but I just really don't know how this is gonna end in a good way. I can't imagine moving on. I know it's really lame and immature but I just need someone who's been here and moved on and made new friends after .college to tell me it might all be okay

I'm excited about starting a career and doing what I love and getting paid for it and I really want to have a family and kids one day and I'm sure it'll happen eventually for me but I just don't know how to deal with the reality of life after college. Sure I could go to grad school and put it off but I really don't need to. It won't make a difference in the long run. I just wish everything could stay the same nd I can't deal with the fact that it can't

---

NEVER BUYING HALO TOP AGAIN
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Sat Jun 30 21:25:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v770w/never_buying_halo_top_again/
---
Not even sorry for the clickbait title

I was at the Asian market today and they had [THESE BAD BOYS](https://imgur.com/a/sWNdpXQ) and Y'ALL they are so fucking good.

They had so many flavors, four marshmallows are 80 cals and I got two bags. This is my new sweet treat- no more frothy ice cream and sugar free jello. Also they're pretty sweet and I was totally satisfied just having 2 of them. The flavors are so so so good, I feel like I'm not even eating an ED-friendly dessert. If you have these anywhere near you, you MUST try them!!!

---

What things do you substitute meals for?
/u/pinkpandas17
Created: Sat Jun 30 21:16:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v7545/what_things_do_you_substitute_meals_for/
---
For me it's always water, sugar free gum, or every once in a while I drink diet soda (not often though becuase it might make me gain weight idk) but I'm curious what other people substitute their meals for.

---

so my mom found out...
/u/alexxxxis
Created: Sat Jun 30 21:15:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v751f/so_my_mom_found_out/
---
she heard me purging from the other room and long story short i confessed. she said she’s worried about me and that she’s going to get me professional help. she held me while i cried and told me she’d do whatever she can to help me. i don’t deserve her and i’ll always hate myself for hurting her. sorry, i just needed to get this off my chest.

---

When you try to lose weight normally
/u/narkreturn
Created: Sat Jun 30 21:03:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v72mv/when_you_try_to_lose_weight_normally/
---
When you try losing weight the “healthy” way and end up gaining a kilo instead. Yeah nah, I’m back to restriction and skipping meals yay

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[Discussion] How do you deal with not eating at work?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Sat Jun 30 20:53:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v70pg/how_do_you_deal_with_not_eating_at_work/
---
This may be a strange question but I got a new job (yay!!), and it will be my first job since my ED developed that requires me to regularly be around other people in an office setting. I’m not entirely sure what the setup will be like, but I don’t want to get a reputation as the weird girl who never eats, but I also am trying to do OMAD to control my calorie intake. So I guess my question is what do you all do? Do people notice your eating habits at work? Do you have any suggestions for super low cal things you can drag out eating all day?

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[Rant/Rave] drunkenly eating so much and stressing out
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Sat Jun 30 20:00:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v6qkj/drunkenly_eating_so_much_and_stressing_out/
---
I had a party last night, staying the night there because I can't possibly go home. I drunkenly ate so fucking much and it feels so bad. Nobody here knows about my struggles with food (yet) and I'm freaking out without being able to tell anyone and it fucking sucks. I want to throw up to get at least some of the food out but I can't because I'm at somebodies else's house. idk it all feels so fucking bad and I cant talk about it and i really have no idea what to do. i want to be dead i guess

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[Rant/Rave] Rant
/u/strawberrydrops
Created: Sat Jun 30 19:53:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v6pac/rant/
---
Fair warning, this is just gonna be word vomit and idek if you’ll be able to understand it. But basically my sister is over and she’s very loud and very outspoken and she stresses me out a lot. I’m having a panic attack because she’s been over ALL day and it’s been hell to eat but my mom has made me so ive just hid in another room and cried with headphones in because I can’t take the sound of her screaming and talking and laughing. I know it’s ridiculous and I’m a horrible person for this but I just can’t get over it. I’m supposed to have my dinner soon and she’s still here and ugh I’m just freaking out. I have my set time for dinner and I don’t want anyone else making noise while I eat because I’ll just freak out. She keeps touching my hair which freaks me out because I hate it when people touch my hair because it’ll make it greasy and fuck man!! She’s talking about taking a trip to Disney soon for her birthday using my dad’s money but I don’t want to go but I think my parents might force me to go ( I know first world problems.) but I can’t even leave the house without freaking out about what people think about me how the hell am I gonna go to Disney?? On this topic, Disney is a big nostalgic thing for me that makes me happy at this point and I know going with her at this point will ruin that and I can’t fucking take that. I just can’t take it. I can’t get myself to calm down and I just wanna hide. My parents don’t give a shit and my mom thinks overdramatic because I have panic attacks over everything which is true but I can’t help it.

---

binged for the first time in forever
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Sat Jun 30 19:34:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v6lir/binged_for_the_first_time_in_forever/
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silver lining is that it wasn’t on junk food and i’m only 600 calories over my tdee so i can just walk an extra mile tomorrow and be back on track. a couple of months ago i would have binged and purged 10 times that on junk food, so yay for lowkey recovery? still a little yikes though.

---

How much diet soda do you drink?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Sat Jun 30 19:33:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v6ldu/how_much_diet_soda_do_you_drink/
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The tirtle says it all..

How mych diet soda do you drink and how does it affect your weight?

I had a lot today and I was just curious.

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Ate myself sick, can’t even drink water even though I’m thirsty.
/u/enviose
Created: Sat Jun 30 19:20:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v6iya/ate_myself_sick_cant_even_drink_water_even_though/
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I will not throw up. I will not throw up. I will not throw up. I will not throw up. I will not throw up.

Not happy about it, but I’m living with the fucking consequences.

---

screw you, Del Monte.
/u/SterileTechnique
Created: Sat Jun 30 18:59:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v6elh/screw_you_del_monte/
---
https://i.redd.it/t5x92wefj8711.jpg

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[Help] C&S
/u/MissEmmyXOX
Created: Sat Jun 30 18:59:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v6el2/cs/
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Does anybody chew and spit? Does it make you gain, maintain or still lose?

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Started a new job
/u/chaoskilledme
Created: Sat Jun 30 18:52:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v6d4y/started_a_new_job/
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I got a job at Chipotle (ironic I know) and my manager gave me a couple shirts without asking what size I am. I was super worried cuz I think I'm huge compared to others. She comes back and goes "I got you some smalls..." And it was such a minor comment but it felt so good! It's just nice to have an outsiders view of myself so I don't feel like such a whale. 😊

---

[Discussion] DAE not recognise themselves in pics?
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Sat Jun 30 18:27:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v67rl/dae_not_recognise_themselves_in_pics/
---
Ok usually I think pictures reflect me as a fat whale, but today it proved differently. I’ve been having a binge day and eating fairly normally for the past few days and I’ve been feeling fat and lumpy. Bought a super cool pair of trousers tonight and took a picture to send to my bf (we’re long distance atm so I’m sending silly pics of everything) and omG I look so skinny! These are baggy pants but my ankles look so teeny in the bottom and my arms holding the phone look petite. Im really not used to this bc I usually look at a photo, recoil in disgust and delete the photo! Does anyone else ever find a picture that you look completely different and almost unrecognisable?

---

I think I'll have to start eating more so I don't get fired
/u/relapseandrecovery
Created: Sat Jun 30 18:12:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v64l2/i_think_ill_have_to_start_eating_more_so_i_dont/
---
I'm one weak bitch and I can't fast or restrict like I used to. The last few days, it's really gotten to me, the effects of restricting, and I have been really lazy. I have barely left the room since Thursday and while my job still got done, I think people are starting to see me as a slacker which I am with things like this but it's best my bosses don't get wind of it.

I've just been so fucking tired and depressed from the rampant ED shit that all I want to do is stay in and nap just like I do during the school year. So I do. I get my work done but because no one sees me out, I'm giving a bad impression of laziness.

Tomorrow, I need to start upping my intake enough to be out all day pretending I'm busy. I need to remember I want to be here more than I want to be at home which would be disastrous if I got fired. I can't stop crying, I'm having ridiculous body dysmorphia, I'm completely unmotivated, all I think about is carbs, and I'm c/sing again.

I just want this all to be over but it won't for another 6 weeks. I need to suck it up and clearly trying to subsist on fruits and cheese alone is not helping me do that. Last summer, though my ED was much worse and I hated everything, at least I could go home at the end of the day and not worry. At least then I could buy myself an Arctic Zero for dinner with my tips and I only worked by myself. This is admittedly a worse environment for my depression and anxiety.

It makes me concerned I won't survive in the real world with a real job but then I have to remind myself this isn't a real job and it's a much worse environment than I'm used to. I wish I could buy Halo Top, I wish I could sleep next to my boyfriend every night, I wish I could do nothing all day and not be judged for it. I can't though. I'm not homesick, just freedomsick.

---

[Rant/Rave] I can only eat without purging if i have the shits
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Sat Jun 30 18:00:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v61sb/i_can_only_eat_without_purging_if_i_have_the_shits/
---
apologies for the gross title, but it's true, and it's infuriating. I've been shitting my guts out all day and it's the first time in literally months that i've eaten solid food without making myself barf when i'm done. I ate a WHOLE MUFFIN and a cup of coffee for breakfast. I've fantasized about that for so long, and the only reason I could do it is because my intestinal distress is eliminating the usual bloat I get after eating.

It's delightful, because not only do i eat to eat, but it proves my suspicion that i only purge because of the aforementioned stomach bloat, but it also bites because i've got this taste of normal life and i know as soon as this bug passes it'll be back to hanging over the toilet for hours every day.

🙃

---

I'm on birth control to make my periods regular without it i have them once a year ; should I get off it to lose weight? Anyone experience a copper IUD?
/u/KittenX2017
Created: Sat Jun 30 17:41:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v5xs4/im_on_birth_control_to_make_my_periods_regular/
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I've been on it for 4 years and I need to get off of it so I can lose weight but I'm afraid of how many periods I miss (plus I'm having sex)

-how much weight have you lost coming off of it?
-how is the copper IUD? How often do I have to replace it? Is it painful?

---

[Rant/Rave] Why do I binge
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Sat Jun 30 17:06:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v5q6z/why_do_i_binge/
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I’m feeling so miserable. I had been restricting so well, then last night I binged and binged and binged. Def didn’t help I’m on holiday with my family so there was so much junk food in house. yuck I hate myself

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[Other] Did your SO treat you differently when you lost/gained weight?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Sat Jun 30 16:54:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v5ndi/did_your_so_treat_you_differently_when_you/
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And in what ways? Were they more/less attracted to you or just the same? Were they nicer?

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Unsure where this is headed?
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Sat Jun 30 16:51:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v5mrr/unsure_where_this_is_headed/
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Excuse the ramblings; it's midnight, I'm plagued with a headache and raspy throat, and I've just completed my 19th consecutive day of work.

Was just doing the daily (hourly) browse of the Reddit and skimmed across folk mentioning their meal plans and therapists and doctors. I realised that I have none of that - every therapist and doctor has rejected me and there is no meal plan. I don't even have a reason to lose weight. There are no support groups nearby, no affordable treatments, no useful helplines.

I don't entirely know which direction my disorder is headed in and can't see any progress being made either towards recovery, or becoming ill enough for professional help. It feels like I am stuck and there is no way out; I wish to remain skinny but do I want to be skinnier? Do I even need to be as bony as I currently am? Is the fatigue, pain, cold, aches, social hinderance and pure wretched fear even worth this?

Has anyone ever felt like this? What strategies have you used to think differently? (Whether it be towards being thinner or recovering, I'm unsure which one I'm destined towards right now).

---

[Rant/Rave] Absolutely hate family gatherings
/u/fiyacht524
Created: Sat Jun 30 16:26:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v5h57/absolutely_hate_family_gatherings/
---
Was at a BBQ with my parents, and my aunt/uncle/cousins who just got back from holidays so we haven't seen them in 2 weeks.

Anyway cue to my aunt saying, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, that she thought I looked great after putting on some weight, because I'd been looking unhealthy for a while. The whole time she was rambling on my parents were frantically making "stop talking" motions to her.

Anyway it took all my strength not to break into tears right then, and now I just want to die. I feel so horrible and gross. I'd been eating at a bit lower than maintenance, so nothing too bad - but now I'm back into hardcore fasting for 48hrs then restricting until I pass out.

---

[Help] Salt baths
/u/patriotsfan4life
Created: Sat Jun 30 16:23:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v5gid/salt_baths/
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I've heard of epsom salt baths that can make you lose 5 lbs in a day, and I also read a story on Reddit of a woman who gained 10 pounds of bloat, did the salt bath, and that "kickstarted" her weight loss.

I'm kind of bloated right now and I'd love to try it out, my question is have any of you done it before and what were the results? And would it work with anything besides epsom salt?

---

Accountability Friend
/u/EDFriends29
Created: Sat Jun 30 16:20:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v5fo3/accountability_friend/
---
[removed]

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Set point and pre ED weight
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Sat Jun 30 16:09:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v5d30/set_point_and_pre_ed_weight/
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Hey all. I have been trying to recover and have some questions. Before I developed an ED, I was basically obese. I have been gaining weight quite rapidly. However, my food intake is still very restricted (eating the same thing over and over again etc). Regarding the set point theory, will my weight stabilize even when I don't restrict anything? I find it hard to believe that my set point weight is in the obese category. I don't really know what to do. I want my life back so badly but I just can't shake this idea that I just want to be skinny :(

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[Rant/Rave] My Dad just called me fat and that i was about to get a double chin and now i just want to go purge and never eat again
/u/Kiki0246
Created: Sat Jun 30 16:07:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v5cl5/my_dad_just_called_me_fat_and_that_i_was_about_to/
---
Just when I was feeling good about myself too cause I dropped a pound and got some ab definition too. Sigh.

I feel like such a casual comment shouldn't be making me feel this terrible.

Can I just rant about my parents and the stupid Chinese family. So parents started calling me fat even when I had a bmi of 19. Cause that's fat in China. Then they start saying that when they were my age, they were 70-80 lbs. Mind you, China was in a famine back then. But then when I don't eat or avoid meats/oil I get teased for trying to lose weight. Just. Ughhhh. And I'm 5ft 4 for reference...


I'd love to be 80 lbs though 😍

---

I'm terrified of my scale
/u/throwaway_29032903
Created: Sat Jun 30 16:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v5b1g/im_terrified_of_my_scale/
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Not for the normal reason (well, that too)

My scale randomly calibrates every few days, and when it's calibration time, it adds around 5lbs to my weight before it turns off the numbers and displays "calibrating" on the screen. After that it shows my actual weight.

Those few moments before "calibrating" shows up that I think I've gained that much weight overnight... Oh man. Anxiety levels through the roof. I can feel my heart drop out my ass.

Damn scale playing with my emotions!!! Just give it to me straight!! You're not helping the situation lmao

---

[Rant/Rave] Just a rant I guess
/u/strawberrydrops
Created: Sat Jun 30 15:52:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v5964/just_a_rant_i_guess/
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Everyday when I wake up, I have to do 200 jumping jacks before breakfast. No matter what. It’s so annoying and I’m going on a vacation soon so I’m dreading that I won’t have alone time in the morning so I can do them. If I don’t do them I’ll feel extremely guilty and just do what I missed the next day.

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What is your main motivator?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Sat Jun 30 15:35:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v552n/what_is_your_main_motivator/
---
I think a lot of us agree it isn't as much about "control" as we are told. For me, I want to be thin to be more attractive to the opposite sex. It sucks but I get sooo much more attention the thinner I am. I just want to be loved and treasured and honestly that it my main motivation. What about the rest of you?

---

[Discussion] Going on Vacation ( cue food anxiety) What do you guys do?
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Sat Jun 30 15:28:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v53fi/going_on_vacation_cue_food_anxiety_what_do_you/
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Hey guys, going on Vacation for a week starting Monday. While I am excited, once again my ED is here to sabotage.

I only see my best friend twice a year (long distance friend from college). We usually plan fun vacations when we get together. She knows about my ED but didn't live with me during it. I tried my best to eat "normal" during our last trip.

I did binge quite a bit and when I got back went on a spiraling depression realizing what I had done.

See the thing is I am alone for food majority of the day and only have to have dinner at home. When being with someone all day for a week there is, you know, a healthy normal diet. I did not prepare for such a thing, idk why. We would have breakfast, then she would be like....what do you want to do for lunch, then dinner, and maybe a stop to get a sweet treat once a day.

Here's the thing, she struggled with eating in HS as she shared with me early on in college and was glad she stopped it early. I DO NOT want to trigger her, because I know she can get self conscious, so I just kinda sucked it up last year and acted as normal as I could. She has a very nice body, a healthy lifestyle, new BF, and a lot going for her.

I don't want to ruin our week together, but I am also so scared! I have not had more than a few hrs. of sleep the past two nights. I have to eat WAYYYYY less from last year to stay on track, also then more money to buy stuff!!!!

How do you guys handle vacation? What are some things I can do to eat not so much while not talking about the subject?

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[Discussion] Does anyone else destroy food?
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Sat Jun 30 15:17:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v50wk/does_anyone_else_destroy_food/
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There’s an order of fried veggies in the fridge that’s screaming my name. I know if I don’t get rid of them I’ll end up binging. I’m so tempted to spray perfume or something on them and throw it in the trash. My husband is he only other person that lives here and he won’t eat them. So saving it for someone else isn’t an option.

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[Rant/Rave] fucking halotop
/u/bmalaur
Created: Sat Jun 30 15:06:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v4ygy/fucking_halotop/
---
https://i.redd.it/b452w81xd7711.jpg

what the hell is the accurate count when you open it and it's only half full

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[Discussion] Can we talk about burping?
/u/jesuschristisherenow
Created: Sat Jun 30 14:45:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v4tav/can_we_talk_about_burping/
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Every time I eat, I burp for like 20 minutes minimum. Even if it's a few bites, I feel like I am going to fucking die until all the air escapes my stomach. I love that it makes me unable to eat much, I hate that I can't eat anything in public (i.e. going to eat w family) without burping, it's rude and I don't want to be that gassy fatty

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I discovered Cinnabon today
/u/lavendersmoke
Created: Sat Jun 30 14:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v4ptz/i_discovered_cinnabon_today/
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I proceeded to then eat three of the classic style large buns, two different milkshakes and then followed this all up with some Arizona iced tea and some chicken nuggets 🙃

According to a rough estimate on Fitbit I had a total of nearly 5000cals for today! Fuck. Why am I like this.

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[Rant/Rave] Drs orders
/u/frida569
Created: Sat Jun 30 14:17:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v4mgp/drs_orders/
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My doctor told me to abstain from eating solids for 3 days bc I had some bloat issues (ahem hey kids don’t abuse laxatives) and it’s been 5 days and I have not eaten a single bite. This is the longest I’ve ever tasted and I’m baffled at the thought that it took a dr telling me not to eat for me to finally commit to something. Lol

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[Discussion] DAE find themselves cringing at people’s idea of “health foods”
/u/makingamodel
Created: Sat Jun 30 13:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v4dr5/dae_find_themselves_cringing_at_peoples_idea_of/
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I.E seeing people at work/school on “diets” drinking sugary fruit juice drinks over soda, heavily processed sodium and preservative rich frozen dinners, granola bars, sugar filled smoothies, dressing drowned salads, sugary dark chocolates, way too many salted nuts, heaps of salty pita chips with their hummus, veggies doused in butter and sodium, unnecessary protein shakes on top of full meals, those damned protein cookies, the paleos/keto stuffing their faces with the fatty meats in excess that will eventually store as just that— fat, etc. I’m sure you guys have more you observe lol .... just so many misconceptions and ignorance concerning macros/caloric value

Idk, it’s nbd I do find it comical and sometimes feel like offering advice but never want to be condescending and despite my own behavior the last thing I’d ever dream of doing is food shaming someone else because of how much I hate my own food choices being questioned and never wanting to offend someone’s supposed healthy habits if it is at least somewhat better than their old ones.

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[Other] Mitski's new song is hashtag relatable
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs
Created: Sat Jun 30 13:13:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v46wy/mitskis_new_song_is_hashtag_relatable/
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"I've been big and small and big and small and big and small and big and small again, and still nobody wants me"

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Terri is in the hospital
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Sat Jun 30 13:07:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v45di/terri_is_in_the_hospital/
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gtMM7mxziqs

The other day I shared a YouTube channel here which a lovely lady, Terri, uses to document her recovery from anorexia.
Today she posted a video that she is in the hospital because her potassium was low.
Please leave her a kind comment if you have the time.
And maybe subscribe to her YouTube channel💕

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[Rant/Rave] I feel extra fat because my boyfriend?
/u/Gaylad69
Created: Sat Jun 30 13:01:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v43oj/i_feel_extra_fat_because_my_boyfriend/
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Okay so it's super fucking hot rn on Ontario and so my boyfriend is going swimming. And uh so I was joking around and said y'know "take me with you" and he started making excuses about how it was his mom's pool ect and I was like "ha I was just kidding I'm not swimsuit ready" and he agreed with me like "yea haha sorry" and I just feel like throwing up and locking myself in my room all day. Even if he didn't mean it like I think he did I just... Ugh

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[Tip] low cal Starbucks hacks!!!!!!
/u/fairshine
Created: Sat Jun 30 12:58:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v42sy/low_cal_starbucks_hacks/
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hey friends! if you don’t already know, [the macro barista](https://www.instagram.com/themacrobarista) on instagram is BAE, he takes regular Starbucks drinks and teaches you how to order them super super low cal! i ordered one of his ~drink hacks~ today and it is delish 😛

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Finally Done Rewarding Myself like a Dog. Advice?
/u/makingamodel
Created: Sat Jun 30 12:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v420m/finally_done_rewarding_myself_like_a_dog_advice/
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I have put sooo much work in and finally realized how I could be to my UGW if I didn’t have these “treat” days when I reach a milestone and that has lead into a binge cycle and then I just work right back down to this 132-136 range and self sab again thinking its “self-care” before I get there and grr.. I’m done. I have a big audition coming up in 2 weeks and I know I can get there if I put in the work and discipline. I’m already shorter than I should be so I’ve got to take advantage of the way eyes follow the lines of a slender, toned body to stand out.

I’m using the words of an old coach to keep me going: “You are not a dog. So don’t reward ourself with food” after a long practice and we were huddled planning to pick up some doughnuts. I remember indulging then but it’s so damn true.

I think I’ll start finding other ways to reward myself especially saving a little money on food; I’m not underweight enough to be Ana and my purge disorder only manifests as too much exercising and periods of fasting.

What non-food/drink fulfilling things do you guys reward yourselves with and how do you keep the momentum with progress?

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[Tip] Tip for free: You really should work out the exact calories and not guess
/u/apinkphoenix
Created: Sat Jun 30 12:48:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v40g5/tip_for_free_you_really_should_work_out_the_exact/
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Hahaha whooooooooops guess who got her estimated daily calories way off? Like 300-500 more than she thought? Guess who isn't eating for the next few days? :))))))))))

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[Help] ECA vs. EC Stack Question
/u/UnderseaK
Created: Sat Jun 30 12:45:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v3znq/eca_vs_ec_stack_question/
---
Hi all, I've got a question about your experiences with the ECA stack.


So, I usually do just EC, one week on and one week off, but yesterday I wanted a little bit of extra appetite suppression. I hadn't done the full ECA with aspirin, but I'd heard it'll give you a little extra boost, so I paired my EC with a baby aspirin.


It did give me a little extra, but I was also getting stomach cramps and a bit of nausea. Is this possibly caused by the aspirin, or should I be on the lookout for something else? Has anyone else experienced this?

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[Goal] My ribs always show from the side :D (also I'm actually taller than I thought? O-o)
/u/kpatable
Created: Sat Jun 30 12:02:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v3ofe/my_ribs_always_show_from_the_side_d_also_im/
---
Maybe this is normal and I just didn't notice it before, but I was doing my daily mini body check this morning and I noticed that the sides of my torso showed more rib definition, even without me inhaling or lifting my arms or whatever! :O I think it is related to how I have been trying to improve my posture lately, too, not just weight/fat loss. And then I switched between my "comfortable" normal posture and standing up completely straight, and there seemed to be a height difference - so I excitedly got my dad's industrial measuring tape out and measured myself. While there wasn't much of a difference between incorrect and correct posture, I found out I am indeed 5'9.5" like the doctor said I was at my last appointment (I thought it was a measuring error or just them rounding up). And like, I am a little *taller* than 5'9.5", so it would be inaccurate to round all the way down to 5'9" when I'm actually closer to 5'10".

However... I'm not sure which height I am going to use for my bmi measurement. Because using 5'9.5" feels like cheating somehow...? Because my body hasn't actually changed at all. Though the difference in bmi is 0.3 points, which is fairly significant O-o 19.8 -> 19.5

So yeah I really don't know how to handle this exactly. But I feel like it's cool regardless, haha XP

---

Best comment all day
/u/Tryingmomspatience
Created: Sat Jun 30 11:54:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v3m7n/best_comment_all_day/
---
I restricted all week, then I had a donut this morning with my daughter and felt like I wanted to die because I’m such a fat ass. Then I took my daughter to the park and some random lady said my daughter ‘is tiny like her mom’ made my whole day. Definitely helps that my husband knows about my ED and tell me everyday how skinny and sexy I look.

---

Those of you who purge, how do you feel about it?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Sat Jun 30 11:51:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v3lbx/those_of_you_who_purge_how_do_you_feel_about_it/
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i.e. do you regret it, enjoy it, etc

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[Help] Freaking out about the calories in k-cups
/u/sweetiepeachy
Created: Sat Jun 30 11:47:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v3jxh/freaking_out_about_the_calories_in_kcups/
---
Hello, I was trying to have a nice cozy Saturday morning in bed with a cup of Starbucks creme brûlée k-cup coffee. But then, I got curious about the fact there there was NO nutritional info on the box: no sugar, no carbs, no calories, nothing. So I started googling but got super mixed responses ranging from 0 cal to 120 cal. I’m panicking bc I don’t want to accidentally ingest 120 god damn calories on coffee. If the ingredients just list “arabica coffee, natural flavors” , are natural flavors considered things that can add calories? I truly don’t know and I’m stressed. Help a girl out plz.

---

[Help] Has anyone kept off weight after an extended fast? If so what helped with that?
/u/hunterxgreen
Created: Sat Jun 30 11:15:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v3amy/has_anyone_kept_off_weight_after_an_extended_fast/
---
In so many posts/videos I’ve seen of people breaking a multi day fast they end up gaining most of it back relatively quickly. Is it very difficult to break a fast without this happening?

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long distance bf of 2 years just told me he doesn't like calling :(
/u/FitTaste
Created: Sat Jun 30 11:09:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v394a/long_distance_bf_of_2_years_just_told_me_he/
---
we used to be really really really close. like 48-hour skype calls and the only time we would ever hang up is when the call disconnected by accident. we're both introverts and don't like talking to people for extended periods of time, but he said talking to me was different and he never needed to hang up or have alone time. and I felt the same way. but today he told me being on call for long periods of time isn't for him, he doesn't like it, and he doesn't know why. I feel so sad. I had a feeling he was growing distant and I asked him the other day if he still liked talking to me, and he said it was just the same.. but then he hits me with this. I feel so crushed

---

Can we crowdsource a list of all the reasons to stop/not start purging?
/u/TreatmentTime
Created: Sat Jun 30 10:56:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v35hp/can_we_crowdsource_a_list_of_all_the_reasons_to/
---
There’s been a bunch of discussion in the past few days about the potentially
fatal effects of purging, but we rarely acknowledge all of the other terrible
symptoms that can go along with it, and there's a focus on emesis with not as
much attention paid to how damaging exercise and laxative abuse can be.

Could we come up with a list of downsides to go in the sidebar/wiki?

* Always tired
* Anaemia
* Bloating
* Blood blisters in the mouth
* Constipation
* Cutting your throat
* Dehydration
* [Delayed gastric emptying](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastroparesis)
* Dry skin
* [Electrolyte Imbalance](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypokalemia)
* Hair falling out
* Headaches
* Low resting heart rate
* Massive weight fluctuations, bloating, water retention
* Mouth sores
* Orthostatic Hypertension
* Peeling nails
* Stomach cramps
* Swollen/sore glands in my throat / chipmunk cheeks
* Weakened stomach muscles & sphincter - involuntary purging or [GERD](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GERD)
* Yellowing teeth

---

[Rant/Rave] If only I knew that hitting my GW would make me feel worse, than better.
/u/Laucy
Created: Sat Jun 30 10:17:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v2vxo/if_only_i_knew_that_hitting_my_gw_would_make_me/
---
This has been on my mind for a while now. When I first began to restrict and be overly critical of what I ate and how I look (“pinchable” areas), that was years ago. I had come to the conclusion that by meeting a goal, everything possible had to be done and I could then feel great about myself. It probably sounds familiar to some.
Figured maybe it would be worth it, at least enough to try.

Now, in the process and goal reached, my BMI is only 12, and the lowest it has ever been.

And now, I’m more self-conscious about myself than ever. An overly skeletal body that people lack hesitation to comment on, skin both dull and pale, hair flat, fingers and toes often a deep shade of blue and purple. I only want to hide, and avoid the stares that tend to bring shame. Yet, I remain torn between a conflict of admitting I want to see the numbers go down just a little more, and trying to overcome the fear of it going up.

I wish I didn’t listen to the lies my ED spoke of, but I also wish I had more of a choice.

---

[Other] Pumpkin pie oatmeal recipe I created :)
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sat Jun 30 10:17:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v2vxh/pumpkin_pie_oatmeal_recipe_i_created/
---
If you like pumpkin flavoured things and oatmeal then you might like this. This could be considered too much food for some so feel free to scale this recipe to your liking, the ingredients below add up to about 400cals. Also I use a microwave because I'm lazy but you could use the stove if you prefer. <3

\-1 cup quick oats

\-2/3cup-1 cup pumpkin puree

\-cinnamon (i add a little over half a tablespoon)

\-all spice (i add about 1 teaspoon)

\-1-2 packets of sweetener

Heat up the pumpkin in the microwave in small increments then stir in spices/sweetener. Microwave the oats with water until they're at your desired consistency (\~2ish minutes for me), then stir in the pumpkin. Let it sit for awhile to thicken and/or pop it back in the microwave for 20-30 second increments.

---

[Rant/Rave] today kinda sucks??
/u/lomgboi
Created: Sat Jun 30 10:12:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v2ut9/today_kinda_sucks/
---
had to go into work on a saturday for something that literally anyone else in the office could have done, argentina is out of the World Cup now, I’m starving

but HEY

at least I lost 1.5 lbs :’)

now sitting at 112 lbs (w clothes on so maybe less)!!

---

PSA: Make sure your scale is on a wood floor, not a carpet
/u/r1cecream-
Created: Sat Jun 30 09:56:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v2qv4/psa_make_sure_your_scale_is_on_a_wood_floor_not_a/
---
Scale could off read by a lot, which I just found out. Welp

---

how many calories do you usually (try to) eat per day?
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Sat Jun 30 09:47:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v2oqr/how_many_calories_do_you_usually_try_to_eat_per/
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my usual number is around 600, which is apparently around 200 less than i should be eating to lose 2 lbs/week.

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[Other] Fun coincidence, I ate exactly 1,200 calories today! 😄
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Sat Jun 30 09:45:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v2obc/fun_coincidence_i_ate_exactly_1200_calories_today/
---
https://i.redd.it/w63100kss5711.jpg

---

[Other] me? an ed? based on my groceries: probably
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Sat Jun 30 09:33:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v2lgv/me_an_ed_based_on_my_groceries_probably/
---
https://i.redd.it/tkghsw4kq5711.jpg

---

How do you deal with unknowing parents?
/u/natalieday12
Created: Sat Jun 30 09:26:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v2jvd/how_do_you_deal_with_unknowing_parents/
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My parents are really sweet, but they’re always cooking and baking and bringing home food, and I can’t say no without raising eyebrows 🙄 how do you deal with the frustration that stems from being forced to eat?

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[Rant/Rave] Im not ready for recovery
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Sat Jun 30 09:25:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v2jm2/im_not_ready_for_recovery/
---
Yesterday my family and I had a very long talk regarding my eating disorder and how it was slowly killing me. The talk ended up becoming a segway towards my parents'constant monitoring of what I eat, so yesterday I was forced to eat a shit load of food. Now I feel bloated and about to cry because I am NOT ready for recovery!! Theres no possible way I can eat less for a long, long time, and what pains me the most is the fact that I was only now seeing some results of my restrictions! I kinda liked my body in some way or another! But that's besides the point. My parents are extremely worried for me (mother started crying during our talk) and I know that I am extremely selfish for even second guessing their intentions...but the ed side of me doesn't want to recover! I'm still fat!!!

---

What will a therapist do?
/u/GreigeSwan
Created: Sat Jun 30 09:19:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v2iec/what_will_a_therapist_do/
---
Yesterday was really, really bad. I was supposed to be having a fun time at a social event near the ocean and I very seriously considered just getting drunk and jumping off the rocks into the sea. I'm actually quite scared at how close I came to floating away.
I am seeing my therapist this week. I feel I should tell her this, but does this mean she will have to report or hospitalize me? For reference I am in the united states.

---

Why is it so much easier to eat nothing for a day than it is too eat a small amount?
/u/laurenwhats
Created: Sat Jun 30 08:15:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v24c8/why_is_it_so_much_easier_to_eat_nothing_for_a_day/
---
I've been averaging around 800 calories a day which can be a struggle but yesterday I had a mini binge of about 600 calories after I had already hit my goal. Decided to just fast for the next day so I would overall be at negative 200 - gives me a bit of breathing room

The reason I'm fasting instead of just eating 200 calories is that I know if I start I won't stop, and I find the fact that I know I'm not going to eat today stops me from obsessing over when my next meal can be and when I can finally eat. Does anyone feel this way?

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[Discussion] DAE feel unwarranted jealousy and anger towards others who are skinnier?
/u/malificentbeauty
Created: Sat Jun 30 08:14:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v242c/dae_feel_unwarranted_jealousy_and_anger_towards/
---
This girl that lived on my floor freshman year looks like she could be a Victoria’s Secret model from her posts on Snapchat and Instagram. Tall, lanky, perfect proportions, great wardrobe. Always taking the most photogenic pictures. I can’t help but not like her because of that even though I know it’s petty and because I have low self esteem. Does anyone else have someone like that in their lives?

---

[Discussion] Boobs?
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Sat Jun 30 08:10:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v239w/boobs/
---
So maybe I just don't know much about boobs, but I was curious and decided to take all my measurements and I guess my breasts are Cs? But like, they're so tiny! Cup size is based on the difference between your bust and underbust measurements where each inch is another cup size, right? So at a difference of 3 inches that would be Cs? But how can they be Cs when they're so small?

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[Other] my friend gets it
/u/lawsoflife
Created: Sat Jun 30 08:04:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v21zj/my_friend_gets_it/
---
https://i.redd.it/ippo6uwra5711.jpg

---

Fatal consequences of b/p
/u/invincibletitan33
Created: Sat Jun 30 08:00:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v20wj/fatal_consequences_of_bp/
---
I watched this video last year and it has stuck with me ever since.

I feel like a lot of people know the consequences and effects of AN, but the effects of b/p are not always seen until it's too late.

Ik a lot of you struggle with b/p and I've noticed a few posts about trips to ED with dangerously low potassium.
Please please watch this video and just be aware of the harm you may be inflicting yourself. Take care of yourselves guys ❤️

https://youtu.be/rZZu7oLPQOQ

---

Drunk Instagram thoughts (luckily posted to the correct finsta)
/u/brlouse
Created: Sat Jun 30 07:20:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v1svq/drunk_instagram_thoughts_luckily_posted_to_the/
---
https://i.redd.it/5h58om3w25711.jpg

---

I will not binge this weekend!!!
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Sat Jun 30 07:19:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v1soi/i_will_not_binge_this_weekend/
---
So the past like two weeks the lowest I could get to was 162 and then that day I end up binging and gaining. This happened twice! Well today I’m back to 162 and I will not binge today!!! I want to see that fucking 161 and most importantly 150s!!!! I can do it!

---

[Discussion] anyone else use Stur?
/u/audreyhepburnwho
Created: Sat Jun 30 07:08:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v1qip/anyone_else_use_stur/
---
The water enhancer. I just found this stuff and Im in LOVE! it's sold on the UK amazon. It's zero calories zero sugar. I bought a thing with so many different flavors, and some of them are so great. I fill a big thing of water and a ton of ice, add a few squirts and it tastes great, not overly sweet, but perfect to curb sugar cravings <3 I also like to mix the orange flavor with apple cider vinegar. it tastes really really great and masks the taste of the vinegar well.

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[Other] [Thinks back to -1000 calorie workout guide I saw earlier on a ProANA blog] 🤔
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Sat Jun 30 06:25:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v1i8e/thinks_back_to_1000_calorie_workout_guide_i_saw/
---
https://imgur.com/NNFNrft

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! June 30, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 30 06:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v1fpf/stupid_questions_saturday_june_30_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for June 30, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 30, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 30 06:10:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v1fkv/daily_food_diary_june_30_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 30, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

why is my scale showing 3 very different numbers??
/u/very-fruitful
Created: Sat Jun 30 05:52:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v1cdz/why_is_my_scale_showing_3_very_different_numbers/
---
title. does anyone else have this problem?? I know I didn’t lose 3 pounds over night but also gain 2 back lol

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[Discussion] Has anyone told their kids about their ED/mental illness
/u/Soybeansandsprouts
Created: Sat Jun 30 05:39:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v1a6a/has_anyone_told_their_kids_about_their_edmental/
---
So I’m only 21 and not planning on having kids until 5+ years at least. My dad, his mom, and his sister all have/had eating disorders and body dysmorphia. I truly believe that certain individuals have a genetic predisposition to Types of mental illness and my dads family is just riddled with them. The ED sufferrers share similar personality type (introverted, obsessive, perfectionist etc) Watching my dad constantly diet while he was already thin certainly didn’t help in learning what a healthy relationship with food was. Obviously there are a lot of environmental pressures that led to me developing this, so I’m not trying to discount those. There is just a very clear pattern of mental Illness in his family and I think under certain conditions, there is some genetic inclination for people to respond to stress in certain ways. “Nature AND nurture” if you will. Call me out if you disagree.

If It gets to the point where I am thinking to have children, I want to be recovered enough to know I won’t have any disordered behaviors they will pick up on m. I’ll work out details later idk but I also think it’s important to be honest with them. Maybe if I knew earlier on that my family suffered with these issues and they were not healthy, I would be less inclined to follow them in the future? I’m not sure. Wondering what your thoughts are.

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Slammed eight shots of vodka and ended up in the ER
/u/beluga_fail
Created: Sat Jun 30 04:22:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v0ypu/slammed_eight_shots_of_vodka_and_ended_up_in_the/
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my mom found me in a puddle of my puke. I couldn't feel my hands or face until they put me on a potassium IV. threw up several times on the way to the hospital. two bags of fluids (plus the potassium).

i'm home now. I'm scared. and I still don't want to get better. I felt proud when they told me my potassium was dangerously low. I don't care about my stupid fucking meal plan.

I'm falling apart. and I don't want to put myself back together.

---

DOA have ED triggered by Remeron/Mirtazapine?
/u/defaulthumanoramI
Created: Sat Jun 30 03:17:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v0pd1/doa_have_ed_triggered_by_remeronmirtazapine/
---
Hi! New here, was wondering if anyone else experienced this as well. I've always had a positive relationship with food growing up, preferring to eat vegetables and never over/undereating. I started taking remeron about a year ago to treat idiopathic nausea, and since then I've had increasingly disordered eating, diagnosed with body dysmorphia, and gained over 20 lbs and with a BMI that's no longer in the healthy range. I've been dealing with a binge/restrict cycle all year, where I can't stop eating carbs (and trying to makes me depressed/suicidal) followed by restricting for awhile until I get so depressed that I binge again before I do something stupid.

This has never been a problem for me. I've maintained a healthy BMI my entire adult life (I'm 30) and a great attitude towards food. I knew mirtazapine causes weight gain but I lost nearly 10 lbs with my nausea so it didn't seem like a big deal. Even now I don't weigh an unhealthy amount but it allllllll went to my abdomen as visceral fat so now I'm having other health problems with abdominal pressure caused by that. I've never been a sweets person and now I cry eating eclairs and hating myself.

I'm trying to taper off this medication, but it causes severe withdrawals so I'm having to go extremely slow. I've heard that some people with EDs are prescribed this stuff since it increases appetite which is crazy to me. I never had disordered eating until this drug! I can't wait until its out of my system 100% but I'm worried the damage is done.

Anyone else deal with this medication?

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[Discussion] DAE love but also hate having their photos taken?
/u/Hiyoheyyo
Created: Sat Jun 30 03:12:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v0ooz/dae_love_but_also_hate_having_their_photos_taken/
---
Like I don’t want my photo taken because I hate the way I look compared to how I think I look but at the same time I want my pictures taken so I can remind myself why I don’t like my body especially when I think it looks okay

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[Help] Hair loss/ thinning??
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Sat Jun 30 02:57:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v0mk4/hair_loss_thinning/
---
Has anybody else experienced this?

When I was in heavy restricting it all fell out, thinned, and became lifeless and frizzy.

I AM eating and all my vitals are fine (even if I’m not eating “enough”) my hair still isn’t growing. I used to have thick, long blond locks and now I have lifeless, uneven tussles. I spend so much money on the best quality products for it now.

It’s really noticeable as well - my gp said he could tell I hadn’t been eating just by my hair.

Will it ever grow back to normality? What do I do?

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[Rant/Rave] Why Can’t I Just Be Reasonable?
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Sat Jun 30 02:48:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v0lft/why_cant_i_just_be_reasonable/
---
Every 7-10 days I experience a small uptick in the scale. 1-3 pounds, for no apparent reason. It doesn’t really matter what I do or how I’m eating the days before. It just happens. And then it drops back down in a day or so and I start making solid progress again.

I was due for this to happen.

I expected it.

Yesterday, I tracked 600 calories and then ate a few Hippeas and a protein bar and didn’t log it because i knew it would piss me off. I doubt I hit 1000 calories. I drank some ginger tea because my bowels have been a little slow (sorry for that TMI).

This morning as I did my little wake up ritual and prepared to weigh, I was fully expecting to be +3 pounds. 100% ready for it.

I was up 1. 1 pound. And I’m totally pissed and freaking out and thinking about how I can fast for the entire day and get away with it. My husband poured me a cup of coffee (so sweet) and I secretly dumped it and remade it because he put WAY too much cream in it. Wtf is wrong with me?

Oh, and the tea hasn’t done it’s job yet, either.

---

Looking for an ana buddy :)
/u/edgyeli666
Created: Sat Jun 30 02:10:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v0g83/looking_for_an_ana_buddy/
---
[removed]

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Do people ever see comments like this on YouTube/Reddit and just.. want to die? I envy people like this so much, it is insane.
/u/nihilistatari
Created: Sat Jun 30 01:07:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v06lq/do_people_ever_see_comments_like_this_on/
---
https://i.redd.it/h9vhr7z883711.png

---

Recent comments from people
/u/Firerose157
Created: Sat Jun 30 01:03:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v05rn/recent_comments_from_people/
---
"Youre not twiggy" after I defended thin being attractive to some

"You look 105" lol wish

"Well you were. You were lying to yourself. I knew it was mental" when I confessed being afraid of being seen as a liar for binging now after not being able to not eat and constantly high restricting previously

"You eat fine" after saying I have an ED

I need an ED friend lol. Feel lonely, dont want to stress my dad and bf

---

[Rant/Rave] Binge ate my way to 185lb
/u/jnlh93
Created: Sat Jun 30 00:58:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v04yo/binge_ate_my_way_to_185lb/
---
Oh joy.

I'm going to try going back to OMAD and keeping my consumption to fruit, salad and yogurt for a while, hopefully it will effectively cleanse all the shit out?

And swimming minimum five times a week (I can't do cardio as I have a muscle disorder that limits my mobility and causes me extreme pain).

My UGW is to be 154 lb in eight weeks (leaving for my summer holiday). I can't find a decent calculator to tell me how many cals to restrict to, so aiming for 400.

---

[Discussion] Binging dreams?
/u/annoyingdoggy
Created: Sat Jun 30 00:55:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v04ln/binging_dreams/
---
Hi people! Just woke up, had a dream where I went to a supermarket and just chomped down on a bunch of food I’ve been denying myself for the last 4 months or so. Strangely, I woke up not hungry at all afterwards. Almost as if I got full on dream food. Do any of you experience binging dreams when you’re highly restrictive/fasting?

---

“Only white girls have eating disorders”
/u/llanowho
Created: Sat Jun 30 00:32:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8v010s/only_white_girls_have_eating_disorders/
---
I can’t believe I actually believed this garbage and said this out loud once. I remember it clearly, too; my mom and I were having dinner at a nearby fast food place and while driving home we saw an ad on a billboard about helping those with eating disorders. My mom, a proud Latina who idealizes thickness, said “I hope you or [sisters’s name] never have to deal with that.” I scoffed and say “ of course not, only white girls get eating disorders.” My mom nods her head and says “that’s true. I never see or hear about other races having it. It’s always some white girl shit. They’re the only ones that want to be sticks.” And now here I am, an adult, just getting back from the therapist a few days ago who says that I have a serious problem. Apparently not eating or binging and purging every night at 2 am while my whole family is asleep isn’t normal. The irony is not lost on me. I’m so sorry for ever believing that crap :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Feel physically horrendous
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Fri Jun 29 23:53:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uzukt/feel_physically_horrendous/
---
Just need to get this off my chest. This week has been pretty rough because my family caught on and they’re even less tolerant with my “bullshit attention seeking behaviors” (ie my fucking eating disorder maybe) than they were before. They pack my lunches now and I’m supposed to prove I ate. They watch me eat dinner. Before they would let me stop eating at 7 pm but now they make me eat a (tiny) portion of something unhealthy and if I freak out it only validates them and their even more exerted control over me.

After having a fight and then a talk with my mom I told her I’d try to eat more normally but that I wanted more control, and I had genuinely meant it. Like, I had the brief thought that I could get less pathological. I was fucking wrong.

Turns out the moment I let go of control I binge up to 2800. (I’d planned about 800...) and it was all pastry type things. It was very similar (in amount) to how I used to eat, though maybe less actually.

In the evening I went to yoga for two hours, and I do decently advanced stuff, except tonight my stomach was so full I felt like vomiting half the time (deep backbends + folds + being upside down all really facilitate abdominal muscles and when your stomach is that full it makes you feel like you’re about to projectile). I was struggling to hold it together. During the final poses I started crying from pain, really silently but it was absolute waterworks. Everyone was sweating and our faces were red so it didn’t look that different but straight up my eyes felt like they were also sweating or something.

That was a couple hours ago and I still feel awful. Stomach still full. I didn’t even enjoy the stuff I ate. I wish I could undo all of that. Even if I were to eat 2800 calories of stuff I wish it had been fresh fruits and smoothies and stuff like that – I don’t enjoy most pastries these days, at this point craving that stuff is literally just a compulsion.

Anyway I feel gross and I also feel like a bad disordered eater, as stupid as that sounds.

---

[Rant/Rave] I had 5 shots of fireball whiskey and 2 beers.
/u/SpeckledBalloon
Created: Fri Jun 29 23:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uzqnc/i_had_5_shots_of_fireball_whiskey_and_2_beers/
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I just did the math. 800 calories. Fuck.

At least I had fun.

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Seeing my boyfriend in two weeks. Screaming for so many reasons.
/u/fruitandfood
Created: Fri Jun 29 23:24:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uzpr5/seeing_my_boyfriend_in_two_weeks_screaming_for_so/
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I am *so* excited to see him, it means we would've been apart for a month when we are finally reunited

I was doing so great before he left, I was gaining muscle and losing fat, eating more, wasn't getting as bloated

Then, he left

I bloated an insane amount the first week as it was the week before my period and the amount I "gain" on the scale varies every time I have my period, so I can't take a guess at what I weigh. I also hadn't been calorie counting, so how am I supposed to know how much weight I lost? Or worse, I totally could've eaten over and gained weight, or the weight I thought I lost in our last week together was just water weight and I've actually lost nothing

Then I did the insanely stupid and illogical "oh, well. guess i already hate how I look, might as well eat to try and feel better!" and I ate food I didn't even want or really like and I just feel so awful

I tried to tell myself I could just hide my bloat with high waisted tight pants and a baggy shirt, but my fucking FACE bloats and it just fucking sucks so much cause I can't hide that with all the contour in the world

I just feel so fucking awful about myself now and now I have this extra muscle and its just making me look so fucking chunky and pushing my bloat out more and I just wanna wrap my entire self in a blanket and stumble into his arms and god can he just not look at me?

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know that atleast SOMETHING will go down as I lose this bloat, but the unknown is freaking me the fuck out and I'm so scared we'll meet and he'll regret it and he'll regret us and now I'm just ranting to strangers (thank you for reading) online and just wanting to never eat until I see him

He really values the way I look too, which is totally fine because obviously you're attracted to your partner, but I'm so scared if I show up bloated, the fact that he wouldn't have seen me in a month may lead him to thinking "oh my god, did she always look like this? what was i doing?"

**For the first time ever, I'm scared of food.** I have no urge to eat, there is nothing that even sounds appealing, and if it does I have so many steps that *will* stop me, but I am fucking terrified. I'm terrified that I'll cave and eat and just ugh.

I'm fasting for atleast three days, so no calories till Tuesday *at the earliest.* I can re-evaluate then, but god. I've never felt so concerned about my appearance

I don't need reassurance, but if any one has any similar stories or feelings, feel free to share :) or any adorable boyfriend/girlfriend stories because sometimes (even if they are like mine and don't know exactly my issues) they just say/do the right things

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Awkard encounter with coworker friend
/u/starvy_punk
Created: Fri Jun 29 22:57:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uzkvl/awkard_encounter_with_coworker_friend/
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Ive been on a fast for about 3 days up until this. Nothing crazy like weeks or whatever, just a little fast.

Anyway i start to feel like really weak and dizzy so on my break i buy a gatorade and a 100 cal packet of cheezits just so i can get some salt and electrolytes and a few hundred calories to work with.

Anyway, my buddy is there working the checkouts and hes like hey man you look pale. I know i cant say *well that makes sense after a 3 day fast* so i tell him "yeah havent eaten yet today"...
Thinking thats a normal explanation.

Except we work nights, and its like 2am. So im sure he assumes i havnt eaten since whats actually *yesterday*.

He just looked at me horrified and said "you havnt eaten a full day and youre getting a gatorade and a kids bag of cheezits? Are you trying to die?"

I froze up. What the fuck man dont roast me. All i could muster was an awkward smile and say "yes?"

🤔 probably not the reply he was expecting 😂

Superfucking awkward and i can never speak to him about food again 😂😂😂

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[Help] How can I focus on literally ANYthing else? How can I turn my brain off from this?!
/u/Samantha039
Created: Fri Jun 29 22:53:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uzk5t/how_can_i_focus_on_literally_anything_else_how/
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I’ve lurked in this sub forever. Never had the courage to post. So here I am.

That was my 4th trip to the kitchen in 2 hours. I stood at the counter and just ate and ate. Way WAY exceeding my budget for the day and it’s almost 1 in the morning. I don’t know what to do. When I’m not eating I’m trying not to. I try to restrict so bad. And I do well for a little while (I eat healthy when I do. Greek yogurt and Veggies and hummus and whatever) but, christ, why, when I have 1 bite of anything, ever, and it sets me into a tailspin. I slipped and had half an iced cookie on Wednesday, and since then I’m just unstoppable. What the hell.
I was even so good at avoiding he cookies! (My boss brought them in and left them on Monday) and it’s like they had a Sirens song!! I stayed away for almost 3 whole days before I fell. And then, god I tried so hard!! So fucking hard!!

And now I’m so full. Just laying in my bed, soaking in self loathing. How can I not do that? I’m not even asking how to fast for days. No. Just, how do I turn off that thing in my head obsessing to eat everything bad. That thing screaming to eat that WHOLE TUPPERWARE THING OF GARLIC PENNE. And the Toblerone. And the jalapeño chips. And the pineapple whatever.

What is that thing that literally makes my brain unable to focus on literally anything other than the plate of lemon bars in the next room. Because when I give into that, even for 1 bite, I literally can’t stop for days and days and now I’m here. Aaaaaaaagh. Waaaa.

And I can’t even restrict well enough for a few days to like “even it out” or whatever. Don’t know what to do. I just. UUGH!!

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Need proana support ASAP!!!
/u/skinnysav
Created: Fri Jun 29 22:34:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uzgo4/need_proana_support_asap/
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I'm currently 103 and use to be 93lbs- I dont know how I could spiral like that and Im really trying to get back on track. I miss the days where I would forget to eat because food was so out of my head. Any help and encouragement and tips would be super awesome! Thanks loves!

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Feeling alone and needing people to talk to
/u/plutocity
Created: Fri Jun 29 22:13:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uzckr/feeling_alone_and_needing_people_to_talk_to/
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I am a 21 year old female, I do not have friends who understand my ED. It has made me feel better to see all of your posts, I know I am not alone. I do not want a friendship centered on our ED's, just someone who understands and enjoys the same things in life as I do, like music and art or whatever, I would just like to be friends with people who do not judge me.

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Does wanting to relapse/have an ED mean I'm just faking it?
/u/NegativeLaugh
Created: Fri Jun 29 22:04:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uzax1/does_wanting_to_relapsehave_an_ed_mean_im_just/
---

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How to tolerate being full?
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Fri Jun 29 21:45:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uz6xr/how_to_tolerate_being_full/
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I'm overweight so naturally I feel like a fraud asking this but how do ya'll tolerate being full? I just went to a friend's rehearsal dinner and I overate. Everyone overate. How the fuck do I not purge or beat myself up? Ive been starving and purging lately and lost 6lbs in 2 weeks. I'm eating halo top as we speak for some unknown reason which I am going to purge shortly. I want to get better but I dont know how I can.

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[Rant/Rave] MPA starting at a higher BMI section
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Fri Jun 29 20:59:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uyxpl/mpa_starting_at_a_higher_bmi_section/
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I’m prepared for the downvotes I most likely will get but I need to say this in hopes someone can civil debate me if necessary

As a larger girl I figured the starting at a higher BMI sub forum would be relatable. Turns out, it’s mostly people trying to create a disordered eating habit. I was naive when I was a baby Ana and people are more than willing to give out “how to tips” and create kik groups for the topic of being heavier and wanting to get into extreme dieting.

I’m sorry I just hate to see people trying to acquire this struggle and I needed to rant about that subforum because it irks me to my soul. I had to get off of mpa once I came to that conclusion.

And obviously there are “heavier (not medically considered ana)” that have disordered eating habits. I’m not knocking them, I’m one of them. I just feel sad when I see people trying to force this onto themselves.

I’m not saint, this is just a drunk ramble. This sub is nothing like the forum I’m ranting about. I love y’all 💙

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[Rant/Rave] Losing Control
/u/skinnycatholic
Created: Fri Jun 29 20:36:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uytcj/losing_control/
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I graduated college in May. I've been looking for jobs since March, but apparently a bachelor's degree isn't enough certification to do any kind of job. I feel like my life is out of control and I relapsed into restricting behaviors. It sucks because I really thought I was recovered for the longest time and now calories and weight are consuming my mind again. I probably need to go back to school. I've been thinking about going to get a certification from my local community college but I'm afraid my parents won't be supportive because they look down on community college. But looking back, I wish I had gone there first. It's way cheaper and I didn't know what I wanted to do anyways, I still don't. Anyways, advice for any of y'all in the U.S. and still in high school, if you want to pursue higher education, definitely get your associate's first. It will give you some job training/certifications to start getting experience, and it's also way cheaper than a 4-year school. I went to a really inexpensive in-state school and I'm $30,000 in debt now. Don't let anyone pressure you into going to school if you aren't ready! It's totally okay to not go to college.

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I don't know how I'm going to deal with this at university
/u/Didari
Created: Fri Jun 29 20:25:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uyr1f/i_dont_know_how_im_going_to_deal_with_this_at/
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The university I'm going too for sure next year has pretty cheap halls of residence (at least cheaper then the average price of accommodation outside of the halls) and like the big issue is that they've got catered food at the halls. 24/7 catering. As a person who regularly b/p's I just don't know how I'm going to deal with that.

I'm trying to recover the best I can ATM, and on the plus side this city has really good ED services from what I know but even then I just....Having that constant temptation at the back of my mind is going to be awful and I'm just lost on what to do really, any advice you all can give me?

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if I think about what I'm going to eat for too long, I get too much anxiety and don't want to eat at all
/u/ohemg96
Created: Fri Jun 29 19:52:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uyk2w/if_i_think_about_what_im_going_to_eat_for_too/
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I don't even crave anything anymore :(

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[Discussion] Is anyone ashamed of their underweight bodies?
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Fri Jun 29 19:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uyj8t/is_anyone_ashamed_of_their_underweight_bodies/
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I’ve seen some people wear clothes that reveal skin like their arms, stomach, etc. I’m too embarrassed, self conscious, and ashamed to wear such things.

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lord give me the strength to resist these pastries
/u/pb2freak
Created: Fri Jun 29 19:46:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uyiye/lord_give_me_the_strength_to_resist_these_pastries/
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I love my job. I never want to do anything else. But, lord, does it test me.

I work at a bakery, guys. The kind with bougie little pastries for like $10 each.

There is a spot where all the extra or imperfect treats are placed and its all up for grabs. There are macarons and cheesecake slices and little tarts and giant hand-sized cookies and any number of specialty donuts.

My first night working here I lost it and shoved a giant cookie, a filled donut, and a quiche into my face shamelessly as my boss watched in astonishment. (also,, I only ever binge in private so binging in front of my boss is almost in line with jerking off in front of someone)

I usually try to go longer periods without eating but when Im eating sugar it makes me constantly hungry. Its like the more primal parts of my brain override any and all attempts at conscious reasoning. Its almost physically painful, and eating sugar or bread only relieves it momentarily and I'm still left hungry. Do y'all have any advice for this situation? Ive gained 4 lbs in two weeks already and Im scared.

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[Rant/Rave] Just sat in a chair and broke it
/u/tone_v2
Created: Fri Jun 29 19:23:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uye3e/just_sat_in_a_chair_and_broke_it/
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I’m was drinking outside with some friends and sat in a lawn chair and fucking broke right through it. I specifically restricted today so that I could drink tonight. Needless to say I’m fasting tomorrow.

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[Discussion] Logging food on my fitness pal
/u/littlesubbytrip
Created: Fri Jun 29 18:52:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uy7i8/logging_food_on_my_fitness_pal/
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So I just purged hot wings (I don’t recommend that because I feel like my throat is currently on fire ) and I’ve been logging my food in my fitness pal. If I purged then how would I log that ? Would I turn the servings down to a fraction or would I delete it ? How does any one else do it ?

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[Rant/Rave] Pour tequila in my wine now I’m feelin fine 🤷🏽‍♀️
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Fri Jun 29 18:33:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uy3jg/pour_tequila_in_my_wine_now_im_feelin_fine/
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https://i.redd.it/flrbkq53a1711.jpg

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I didn't realize how ED my food was until I got home
/u/Newthrowyaccount
Created: Fri Jun 29 18:32:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uy32l/i_didnt_realize_how_ed_my_food_was_until_i_got/
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https://i.redd.it/dxr001dp91711.jpg

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I hate being the fat ugly sister
/u/KittenX2017
Created: Fri Jun 29 18:08:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxxkq/i_hate_being_the_fat_ugly_sister/
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I just wish I looked like them


I wish I was thin, beautiful and finally stopped being so ugly. I've had bulimia on and off for 8 years and haven't lost a pound
Why can't I be beautiful
Why am I like this?
Why can't I finally be the thinnest sister? Why can't I finally be the beautiful sister?


I'm tired of people telling me "don't take pictures with your sisters because you look ugly compared to them" why can't I be so thin they look ugly compared to me. Why can't I be so beautiful they're afraid of them looking ugly.


WHY AM I SO UGLY. WHATS WRONG WITH ME

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[Goal] Does anyone have a calculator that tells you how many calories you need to eat per day to reach a goal by a certain date?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Fri Jun 29 18:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxwqs/does_anyone_have_a_calculator_that_tells_you_how/
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don’t know what to type into google to find this

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[Discussion] DAE have body dysmorphia about things that aren’t weight related?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Fri Jun 29 18:04:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxwmz/dae_have_body_dysmorphia_about_things_that_arent/
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Mine is my hair. I do it myself at home and it really freaks me out whenever someone calls it a color that it’s not supposed to be. I spend tons of time trying to fix it so that it looks the way it’s supposed to and it’s never quite right. What about you?

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[Rant/Rave] ReCoVeRY!!1!
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Fri Jun 29 18:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxvtu/recovery1/
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Good evening all! I just wanted to share some thoughts about my faux “recovery” phase.

I eat a lot and regularly - this allows for better bowel movements, feeling full, and intake of whatever my body minimally needs to not, y’know, fucking die on me. Probably only consuming about 1000-1200 a day max.

I’ve managed to find foods I like (a certain brie, rosemary crackers, goats cheese, sundried tomatoes) BUT I’ve made sure they’re from the supermarket a 30 minutes walk away so I never buy them.

I work 10-3/4 everyday which means I have a relatively large breakfast (250-300) and then nothing until I’m home. My job is physically demanding so I burn calories and get the really enjoyable light-headedness! Returning home I always go out for another walk because my town’s beautiful.

My gp literally prescribed me running to help strengthen the damaged bones in my knees from starvation.

I’ve decided to cut out alcohol: not because I have an addiction (I’m actually healthy with my drinking habits), but to cut calories.

Haha every thought is consumed with eating and THIS is my “recovery” phase. What a JOKE.

TL;DR I am definitely not recovering any time soon. Simply changing my bad habits for others to remain underweight in perpetuity.

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Just started dating a guy but for one reason it's already making me think so much more about losing more weight...
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Fri Jun 29 17:58:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxvb9/just_started_dating_a_guy_but_for_one_reason_its/
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Last month I came back from a trip with my friends feeling like I was making...progress? There were people my age everywhere and I just realised that maybe objectively speaking, I'm slim. I look how I was aiming to look. I liked how I looked in photos, my clothes are loose now, people told me I was small and cute and complimented my outfits and there were so many beautiful and lovely people around of all different figures and weights. (My ED is so looks focused it's tragic I know, I feel sorry writing this).

I just felt like I was doing good you know, like BDD sort of fading out because I was so comfortable.

Recently, I've started dating a guy who I think I'm quite in to, we have tons in common and for the first time in a while I'm not feeling like I want to sabotage things!! But the thing is I'm starting to feel conscious about my size again.

This guy is good looking, he's a boxer and his look is quite typical, if that makes sense. He's taller than me but not by much and very athletic. I am not toned in the slightest and I don't know, I just feel like it's *extremely noticeable.* I don't feel petite anymore, I just feel wide, gross and untoned and I'm not satisfied with myself again.

I just can't get over the thought that I look 'big' compared to him.

But I like him and!! I'm so confused if this is in my head or if I genuinely look ridiculous next to him. It's so so distracting and it's making my eating habits worse.

Sorry, vent over. Has anyone else dealt with anything like this? I don't want to cut off seeing him because of this...

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I got a boob job in "recovery"
/u/ConclusiveNixon
Created: Fri Jun 29 17:35:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxq41/i_got_a_boob_job_in_recovery/
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Now I am wondering if I am gonna look like an alien when I lose weight?

By recovery, I mean binge eating and denial, of course. I am looking forward to getting back to 125-130, but I have 600ccs of silicone in each tiddy and I am wondering if I will look like Dolly Parton in a bad way.

I'm a 34G right now. It looks great at 155 but...

Y'know what, I am just going to embrace life as a hentai. I love my fake ass titties. I got them as a C cup so maybe they'll shrink some.

Sigh. I am drinking wine in the bathtub and this is where my brain goes.

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[Rant/Rave] I’m a fat failure
/u/eIIa_
Created: Fri Jun 29 17:26:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxnzu/im_a_fat_failure/
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I’ve had a couple glasses of wine and just reflecting on how much of a failure I am I just want to be thin and have like an ounce of self control and discipline for once in my life
I see so many people lose weight and make inspiring posts and I just am sitting here like a loser so fag and gross. Why can’t I just be the way I want to be :(

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[Discussion] good things that have come out of my ED:
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Fri Jun 29 17:18:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxm6g/good_things_that_have_come_out_of_my_ed/
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• i genuinely enjoy black coffee

• i drink a lot more water than i used to

• i don’t eat as much dessert as i used to. in general, i eat healthier foods (how often i eat is another matter)

• i’m more conscious of other people’s ED tendencies and i’m more careful of how i talk about food so i don’t accidentally trigger anyone

• i don’t hate myself for not having boobs

i can’t think of any more but we’re ALL aware that there are way more cons than pros to EDs, and this is in no way pro ana anything. i just want to see what good-ish habits have come from EDs

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My best friend said the sweetest thing to me
/u/chaoskilledme
Created: Fri Jun 29 16:47:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxeph/my_best_friend_said_the_sweetest_thing_to_me/
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I went swimming with my best friend which is a giant step forward for me since I hate how I look in my swimsuit. We were getting dressed for lunch and she stepped on the scale in the locker room. She's super athletic, like she's on the JV tennis team and the swim team so she's really skinny and in shape. Not only that, she's pretty short (I think she's 5'3" ?) so her number on the scale was tiny and I was instantly jealous.

I bury a lot of my insecurities in humor so I tell her she's so twiggy and I'm gonna weight twice as much as her cuz she's such a cute little fairy and I'm a whale. I stepped on and I weight like 24 lbs more than she does. My best friend is fully aware I've struggled with anorexia for about 3 years now. So she just looks at me and looks at the scale and goes "Oh it's broken for sure. There's no way you weigh that much! It's absolutely broken."

It was just so kind of her to say and it made me feel not as disgusting compared to her. I adore her so much. 💜 thanks for letting me share a happy story.

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What's your fav low / zero cal drink ?
/u/BillyJeanisme
Created: Fri Jun 29 16:47:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxekr/whats_your_fav_low_zero_cal_drink/
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At the moment I'm obssesed with Arizona 0 cal half iced tea half lemonade

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[Tip] PSA: they’re coming out with Gatorade Zero!
/u/edthrowaway77
Created: Fri Jun 29 16:45:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxe96/psa_theyre_coming_out_with_gatorade_zero/
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My prayers have finally been answered

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Weird fantasies about situations where I'd have to go hungry
/u/boxxfive
Created: Fri Jun 29 16:38:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxcid/weird_fantasies_about_situations_where_id_have_to/
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I often have strange imaginings about a situation in which I'd be forced to not eat, or eat at extremely low amounts for several months - enough to get really thin, and then be "free." Like being stuck in a kidnapper's basement (but still magically unharmed,) lost on a desert island, or living in a cabin in the woods all winter or on a sailboat in the ocean with only enough food for me to carefully mete out a few hundreds calories a day. Am I alone in this...?

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[Help] Do you guys count the calories you’ve eaten or just the net calories for that day?
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Fri Jun 29 16:35:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxbtn/do_you_guys_count_the_calories_youve_eaten_or/
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Ok so I track my food and I’m trying to stay at 500 a day. So far I’m at 465 but I’ve burned 305 leaving me at the net calorie of 160. Now I’m wondering if that means I can still eat 340 more calories today or just 35. Sorry if this is confusing. I’m just curious what you guys do.
Thxx

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[Rant/Rave] Somebody jokingly asked me if I have gained weight
/u/ImDestinedToDie
Created: Fri Jun 29 16:31:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uxatc/somebody_jokingly_asked_me_if_i_have_gained_weight/
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My moms friend, her and I were all out together and just a few hours after I was diagnosed with bulimia he was picking on me. I can’t remember the context. He asked the most dreaded question, “Have you been gaining weight?”

I think my mom stopped cold for a different reason than I did. I think she was ignorant and thought, wow, does this guy not know women? She doesn’t know she caused my eating disorder, she doesn’t know I have it. I stopped for another reason, I felt the warmth leave me and the emptiness in my stomach stopped growling and paining me for a moment. I just felt still, and I couldn’t process where we were and how to answer. I finally just said No. I’m losing weight. I can feel my ribs, I can see them. I am meticulous about making sure my fingers still fit around my wrist. I wanted to cry, I wanted to tell them that I ate 500 calories yesterday, half of that food I chewed and spit but I like overestimating. I wanted to tell them I cry if I eat, and if I binge then shit, I binge late at night all alone in my room when nobody can see and judge me.

Every bit of hunger I felt in that moment disappeared. I just felt sick with myself, and I wanted to become thin enough to vanish into the car seat. It was a joke, and, shit, it hurt.

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[Rant/Rave] I fit into a size 6 in Primark's stretchy cami's and shorts
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Fri Jun 29 16:09:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ux5cd/i_fit_into_a_size_6_in_primarks_stretchy_camis/
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I know in reality I'm a size 10-12 but it feels so good. Apart from the fact that the cami clings to my body and shows off my whale body but the point still stands: I fit into a size 6 in Primark's stretchy cami and shorts! My friend said 'remember they're stretchy' so I'm not any fucking smaller but for a little bit I felt so good.

It was the highlight of my day given I spent the 6 hours afterwards worried that my housemates and I were gonna lose our house a month before we thought we were. The stress of having to pay extra rent (putting me over £1100 into my overdraft) and knowing I now have very little money will probably fuel a relapse but I'm so happy I BARELY fit into a size 6 that I don't really care.

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[Rant/Rave] I always obsess about throwing up after I eat
/u/clownentine
Created: Fri Jun 29 16:06:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ux4fx/i_always_obsess_about_throwing_up_after_i_eat/
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the thing is that I don't ever throw up, I don't purge, I don't want to purge. but every single time I eat something, my brain goes overboard by thinking about throwing up. I'll start to feel nausea and the image of me purging is stuck in my head for at least 10 minutes. it's really fucking annoying because I dont want to do that! I don't wanna think about it at all! it makes me want to eat less, because it happens even when I eat something small and not filling. I ate a 90 calorie granola bar today and bam! all I could think about was vomiting. I wish it'd stop but idk how to stop that honestly

---

[Help] Ways to make your stomach flatter?
/u/CakeandAss
Created: Fri Jun 29 15:56:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ux1o1/ways_to_make_your_stomach_flatter/
---
So I’m going to the beach tomorrow, and I’m wearing a bikini for the first time in over 3 years. (Shocker, I know). Anyways I’m trying to love my body more so I’m putting myself outside my comfort zone.
The only thing is my stomach is my concern and I was wondering if there are any ways to make your stomach flatter. I know it’s only a day so I can’t achieve a lot but any tips so I won’t be bloated? I haven’t had any carbonated drinks for a few days now and I’m going to try and only eat plain salads today. But I did have coffee.
Any extra tips would be appreciated! Thanks guys.

---

what’s your definition of binging?
/u/very-fruitful
Created: Fri Jun 29 15:53:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ux0xh/whats_your_definition_of_binging/
---
I see sooo many posts about it and they’re all so different so i’m not entirely sure what it is. I think my definition would just be eating too much and not caring how much I was eating or how unhealthy it might be. I don’t binge though, if I ever feel like I might I just get myself full off fruit and the urge to overeat goes away.

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TIL Bulimia and purging disorder are two different things
/u/claireupvotes
Created: Fri Jun 29 15:25:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uwtme/til_bulimia_and_purging_disorder_are_two/
---
Apparently bulimia nervosa requires binging to be part of the process. Just plain purging disorder is misuse of laxatives & diuretics, vomiting, excess exercise, etc. and does not include binging. Was googling the health repercussions of bingeing and found this, thought I might share because I had no idea!

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate myself again! Oops!
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Fri Jun 29 15:03:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uwnvo/i_hate_myself_again_oops/
---
I thought I recovered after a really therapeutic experience in MDMA. But I’m back on my shit again. I just want to fucking die. I hate myself so god damn much, I’m always remorseful, anxious and depressed over practically nothing. My thoughts and feelings are all perpetually negative and I try to change it, swear to god I’m trying to be nice and encouraging to myself, but it doesn’t work. I’m having severe anxiety over addressing it with my family. I know I need to go back on antidepressants, I’m completely non functional. And this is a really pivotal time I mean I just moved out, I need to find a job and when school comes I need to be able to perform well. God I fucking hate myself I wish this was easier. I just want to move to an island and deal with money as little as I possibly can. At least now I’m too nervous to eat my food because I don’t want to buy more and I’ve already dropped three lbs since I moved in earlier this week.

Im going to call and make an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow. I gotta figure out if a regular physician can prescribe antidepressants if I request some that I’ve been on before or if I need to see a psychologist

---

Period cramps = unplanned fast day
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Fri Jun 29 14:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uwjg8/period_cramps_unplanned_fast_day/
---
I know most people get super insane cravings on their period/days leading up to it, but I get the most debilitating cramps that barely let me drink water without feeling nauseous. Yesterday I had a bit of an indulgent sweet tooth- no clue why, I never crave sugar or sweets. Woke up this morning in a pool of my own blood and in violent pain. Knew I wouldn't be eating for at least the next 24 hours. Thank you mother nature, for keeping my fat ass in check :-)

---

I got a "tough love" lecture so now I'm cured!
/u/kolimop
Created: Fri Jun 29 14:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uwflf/i_got_a_tough_love_lecture_so_now_im_cured/
---
Just kidding.

"Tough love" is just a solid reminder to me that no one is as tolerant of mental illness as they promise to be.
Sorry you're at your wits end with me, I'll keep it to myself now so you think I'm doing better.

Sorry I didn't cure my depression. Sorry I relapsed back into my ED. Sorry it doesn't look like I'm trying.

I'm sick of my shit too. I wish I could also just walk away from it.

---

[Rant/Rave] DAE subconsciously hope and pray for something bad or depressing to happen to them...
/u/Grellous8
Created: Fri Jun 29 14:19:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uwbtd/dae_subconsciously_hope_and_pray_for_something/
---
...just so that they can feel sad and useless and have an excuse to binge? Seriously fucking me up, man. For the past 4 months, I had been stuck in this horrible cycle of binging, and as of a week and a bit ago, I finally became disgusted with myself and my horrible body enough to stop binging. Lately, I’ve just been hoping to try to lose some of the gross fat I gained on my binges, but I find I’ve been sort of acting up around my mom and trying to make bad things happen to me so that I can be angry or w/ever and have a “reason” to binge on horrible unhealthy junk food and shit. It’s so weird because everything had been going all my way for the past week (no snacks between meals, I was able to resist seconds at lunch and dinner, I’ve been having only an egg for breakfast, being very active), and then I started getting really testy and miserable around my family, trying to get my parents to yell at me or something. Anyone else know this feeling?

---

[Other] “You don’t need doughnuts “ - My boyfriend
/u/CassTheUltimateBA
Created: Fri Jun 29 14:12:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uw9t8/you_dont_need_doughnuts_my_boyfriend/
---
I haven’t been active lately for the most part I’ve been maintaining around 140.

This morning I mentioned to my boyfriend I was thinking about going to get doughnuts from my favorite doughnut shop (Voodoo Doughnuts). I live like 30 mins outside Austin, Tx, and it’s a 45 min drive to the shop. So it’s normally a huge hassle, but I’ve got an appointment in the area I gotta go to.

I know he didn’t mean it like I was fat and don’t need to gain weight, but I can’t actually convince myself otherwise. My stomach is growling so o think today’s gonna be a hard restricting/Fast day 😣.

---

[Rant/Rave] a rant about my face
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Fri Jun 29 14:10:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uw95p/a_rant_about_my_face/
---
some drunk customer at work told me i look 15 years older than i actually am lol. i gave myself the ol stare down in the mirror and realized that my face has changed a lot recently. my cheeks, temples and lips have lost a lot of their fullness and now my eyebrows, eyes and nose look bigger, not in a good way. also i haven't had much hair loss but somehow im convinced my hairline has receded which sucks. my skin looks dry and pale, and there are visible veins and fine lines in places i couldn't see them before.

i used to like my complexion and most of my facial features. not anymore. :/

---

[Help] Fellow sugar addicts or people who have quit sugar, I need some stopping sugar support
/u/madeinny88
Created: Fri Jun 29 14:09:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uw8t7/fellow_sugar_addicts_or_people_who_have_quit/
---
I'm so addicted to sugar 😵 I've had this problem for years, probably most of my life. I spend way too much money on it as well and am so sick and tired of being sick and tired from excess sugar. I've quit drinking, cigarettes and opiates before, and I was able to give up purging but I've NEVER been able to give up sugar. I'm sick of it having power over me. Anyone else? I know I can't be the only one. I. Need. To. Stop.

Tell me how bad sugar is! I need the motivation!!

---

[Discussion] Why does “one treat” lead to a binge
/u/themoonlaluna
Created: Fri Jun 29 13:58:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uw5km/why_does_one_treat_lead_to_a_binge/
---
Taking to my BEDs, BNs, and b/ps here or frankly anyone with any insight...
I noticed that about 75-90% of my binges start when I “treat” myself.

One starburst at work can spiral in panic eating a loaf of half frozen bread. And a jar of nut butter... and running to the grocery store.

Does anyone else feel this way? Anyone have any insight as to why?

Is it the capitulation of “slipping up” or is it more biological?

(As you might imagine I have been treating myself today and I just got hit with an INSANE wave of panic and desire to binge, posting here instead)

Anyways, hope y’all are doing ok- thanks for being an amazing sub!

---

What do you wish your parents had done differently?
/u/bellalinda
Created: Fri Jun 29 13:57:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uw58q/what_do_you_wish_your_parents_had_done_differently/
---
I posted this question yesterday in /r/loseit and got many thoughtful replies, and I’d love to hear from people here as well.
Many of us have likely spent some time reflecting on how our upbringing impacted our relationships with food and the struggles that eventually led us all here. As a parent myself now, I’m very interested in how I can best create a healthy environment for my kids to have a positive relationship with eating. I don’t blame my eating issues on my parents, I know now more than ever that they were really just doing the best they could with what we had, but I do wish some things were done differently. Some parents completely restrict junk food, and it seems to lead to kids who seek it out and struggle with limits. Other parents allow anything and everything, and it seems to lead to kids who have trouble with self-control. I’m trying to find a middle ground, a happy medium of sorts, and I’d love your input. What do you wish your parents did differently?

---

I was upset with my manager, so I binged and now I feel even worse...
/u/DryBrilliant
Created: Fri Jun 29 13:21:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uvva2/i_was_upset_with_my_manager_so_i_binged_and_now_i/
---
So I got an assignment from my manager to write a blog. She told me she wanted me to put my views into it, so I did. I spent hours on it, and she emailed me: "I don't like it. I want you to rewrite it and put...." and then she put what are HER views, not mine.

I didn't respond....just went home at noon and binged. Now I feel horrible and have to go back and deal with her. Why do I use food when I'm upset?

---

[Rant/Rave] Meds are making me gain weight
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Fri Jun 29 13:01:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uvpfr/meds_are_making_me_gain_weight/
---
I was maintaining a healthy weight, but now that I'm on new medication it's been making me crave so much more food.

I still stay away from sugar and dairy, but I've been eating so much more in terms of portion size. Like, two vegetarian burgers AND pasta? In one day? I need more! I'm so hungry!!

I made myself buy pineapple chunks though, and bought light soya milk (No carbs or sugar!), so if I end up bingeing it'll at least be on healthy foods. It's still a constant leech on my brain that I'll gain weight though :(

---

MFP is trying it with me this week 😡
/u/kaplazzle
Created: Fri Jun 29 12:06:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uva9a/mfp_is_trying_it_with_me_this_week/
---
Why, when using the barcode scanner, do the serving sizes and calories in the database not line up with the ones on the package?? This has happened twice to me over the past 3 days, and both times the calories have remained the same while the serving size is smaller 😓 I’m UPSET *in my Drake voice*

---

Hidden collarbones
/u/imayimight
Created: Fri Jun 29 12:00:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uv8bi/hidden_collarbones/
---
https://i.imgur.com/9OWNRly.jpg

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Terrible Stomach Pains
/u/gerty19
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:57:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uv7kf/terrible_stomach_pains/
---
Last night, i purged after eating dinner and this morning after breakfast. Ive had to eat what my mom has cooked the past 2 days. I dont usually purge unless i just have to but my stomach is killing me. It just feels like I'm going to throw up constantly but there's nothing left in my stomach to throw up. I've been drinking water but nothing is helping. Any suggestions??

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Just a reminder that purging kills
/u/blondeweirdo
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:55:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uv6x3/just_a_reminder_that_purging_kills/
---
I am currently in the hospital getting my potassium replaced, after a year and a half of purging. I was at heart attack level. It can and will happen to anyone. No binge is worth dying. I don’t want to be found on the bathroom floor, and I don’t want that for any of you, either. Take care of yourselves, guys. Get your labs done often. It might save your life.

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[Help] I need advice.
/u/TheDarkerHalfOfMe
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:53:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uv6ff/i_need_advice/
---
So it looks like I may be going on a trip with some people for a few days. They don't know anything about my eating dissorder. I'm kind of freaking out because they eat a lot of fast food and being on the road, where do you think we're going to go to get food? So I was thinking I'd pack some food for the road trip (which I know they'll mention). But hey, I gotta do what I gotta do. So that part isn't that big of a deal, but the rest of the time what do I do??? I don't want to eat normally and gain weight or stay the same. I want to keep losing. But how do I do that with them around and not giving myself away? One of the people notices a lot about my weight and comments on it to the point where I feel very uncomfortable and I've had to lie and come up with excuses. What do I do?!?!?

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Plateauing at the same weight for over a week. Who doesn't love seeing no results. 🙃
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uv0q9/plateauing_at_the_same_weight_for_over_a_week_who/
---
I've been restricting to 600-800 for almost two weeks (ate ~1000 for a week before that, but I usually restrict to 500) and I haven't dropped a pound. Might be my hormones/period fucking things up, but it makes me feel so worthless and as if I wasn't doing enough. I'm going to restrict to 400 now, maybe a bit of fasting, and hope that the scale finally shows a change. I just want to lose weight. :(

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[Rant/Rave] Burden
/u/anamadim
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:31:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uuzpz/burden/
---
I went out with my mum properly for the first time in 5 months to get my hair cut and my eyebrows done... and we were only out for 2 hours, but I never want to leave the house again. She makes me feel like such a fucking burden. Apparently 2 hours together every 5 months is too much for her. *I’m that awful.*

I bought a Subway and it was my idea, because I could make it fit into my calorie allowance for today if I ate nothing else, but she humiliated me in public and everyone was staring at me... and I just can’t eat now. **She fucking ruined it.** So instead of eating only that, I’m not going to eat anything today. Partially to spite her, because I feel like me eating means she “wins”, but also because I’m so fucking angry and sad and eating will accomplish nothing.

Eating is actually counter-productive, and I should eat as little as I possibly can, without it driving me to bingeing. I can’t eat, and it’s all her fault. I haven’t eaten in 31 hours, but that’s okay... because I’m such a burden, *it’d be better if I wasn’t here anyway.*

---

Appetite suppressant
/u/shakeybreath
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:31:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uuzoi/appetite_suppressant/
---
Yesterday I saw texts between my boyfriend and a girl from his work in which he referred to me as 'a complete fucking nutter' after seeing me struggling not to have a panic attack

I have literally never wanted to eat less in my life

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[Discussion] Today's ED struggle: choosing another EC stack over taking my anxiety medication and suffering through work anyway.
/u/semperxvivum
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:29:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uuzcd/todays_ed_struggle_choosing_another_ec_stack_over/
---
Yep, I'm a super healthy human.

Fuck I hate this sometimes.

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[Help] Genuine question: do y'all prefer keeping your ED a secret or sharing it with your loved ones?
/u/sweetiepeachy
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:29:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uuzc0/genuine_question_do_yall_prefer_keeping_your_ed_a/
---
One of the reasons I'm on this sub is because I have no one to talk to about my ED in real life. I really would like to know others' experience with self disclosure/ why they choose not to share this part of themselves with the people around them bc at the moment, I'm hella conflicted. I would like to tell at least one or two people close to me that I'm slipping back into unhealthy eating habits.....but I just don't know if it'll do more harm than good. Just any personal experience/ advice y'all have would be much appreciated at this confusing time <3

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Normal people at my weight need a minimum of 1500 calories to function. 800 is already 'gaining' for me.
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:29:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uuz82/normal_people_at_my_weight_need_a_minimum_of_1500/
---
I'm a rational person. I like logic and facts. Why the hell do I think that half of what my body *needs* to function properly is already too much? Anorexia is a fucking scary thing.

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[Help] fuck pizza
/u/grape_fruits
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:24:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uuxt5/fuck_pizza/
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i ate 8 slices of pizza in 1 hr and i've never been able to purge ever but I am deeply tempted and freaking out at work can someone talk me down

i'm seeing my boyfriend in 2 weeks for his birthday and we're going to a beach so obviously i have to be tiny and hot. fuck me up

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I made a video cause I needed someone to talk to. Slightly nsfw.
/u/MissMagus
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:06:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uus84/i_made_a_video_cause_i_needed_someone_to_talk_to/
---
https://youtu.be/7tKFBh_kVZU

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[Tip] Life hack: vodka and crystal light
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Fri Jun 29 11:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uuqxi/life_hack_vodka_and_crystal_light/
---
I work at a liquor store and overheard a lady recommending vodka with crystal light packets and I realized how many calories I can save on a chaser now 😍

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[Discussion] I’m in the mood to be cheered up today. Who has pets?
/u/bearantennae8611
Created: Fri Jun 29 10:53:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uuoc1/im_in_the_mood_to_be_cheered_up_today_who_has_pets/
---
Does anyone have any dogs or cats who make you laugh or brighten the rough days? Do they help your disorders in any way?

If anyone would like to share pics and stories, I’m up for that. Thanks, ladies and gentlemen!

---

[Other] so i started working
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Fri Jun 29 10:47:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uumkx/so_i_started_working/
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im working at a licensed starbucks store, one inside of target. yesterday was the typical rundown training on the computer for a few hours and working the cashiers. well today im supposed to start actually training with the barista and im beyond nervous. my initial thought every time i meet somebody is the negatives thoughts they may have about me. my appearance. i always think people are judging my ugly body and ugly face and i absolutely hate it. i walked in after clocking out for the day and ordered something small just to get a look at who i would be working with exactly. (just curious you know.) and this girl was training this new girl and oh my god. she was so so so incredibly thin and petite and gorgeous. my jaw literally dropped. her collarbones popped out of her shirt and apron extremely and i couldn’t help but feel ashamed. i literally felt 100 pounds heavier just looking at her. she was my height, no more than even a centimeter shorter. she was perfect height. perfect weight. and i couldn’t help but feel absolutely terrible. i felt so fat lol. knowing i may never be as perfect as that.

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When your husband buys you a two thousand calorie Chinese take out lunch.
/u/cheesy-endeavor
Created: Fri Jun 29 10:41:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uukyf/when_your_husband_buys_you_a_two_thousand_calorie/
---
This is the worst temptation ever. How do others resist to binge eat?

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I read this and it's honestly so inspiring. hopefully it inspires you too
/u/smolpriincess
Created: Fri Jun 29 10:36:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uujl1/i_read_this_and_its_honestly_so_inspiring/
---
http://imgur.com/AZC6LpJ

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[Rant/Rave] I spent a week at the beach.
/u/KMH039
Created: Fri Jun 29 09:33:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uu1uh/i_spent_a_week_at_the_beach/
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Today is my last day at the beach and I had been doing really well. I went with my roommate who has her suspicions about my eating and my parents who have no idea. I was doing really well. Wore my swimsuit down every day, ate three meals, and even dessert some days without obsessively tracking the calories, I managed to have a really good time.

Then yesterday it hit me. I have to go home, back to the scale and all the people who know what I looked like before I left. What if I've gained all the weight back? What if I look even worse than before? I keep seeing all these girls in their little bikinis and wishing I looked like them. I only ate half of my breakfast this morning and counted every bite, I dont know what I'm going to do about lunch or dinner. I just wanted a nice vacation and now I know I'm going to restrict like crazy as soon as I get back home. This sucks and I almost wish I hadn't gone in the first place.

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[Help] nutritionist in 4 days
/u/mylifeisajoke812
Created: Fri Jun 29 08:37:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8utm8n/nutritionist_in_4_days/
---
title says it all: have an appt with my gp and nutritionist in 4 days and i will be weighed for the first time in over a year which means uh oh. would it be ok to have cheat days leading up to the weigh in, thereby increasing my water/bloat weight and lessening the chance of outpatient or a diagnosis? cbmi~17.3

tldr: should i binge for 3 days straight to seem like i weigh more/gain a lil

---

Bronkaid question
/u/NeverPerfectEnough
Created: Fri Jun 29 07:55:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8utb5h/bronkaid_question/
---
Is it okay to smoke cigarettes while taking Bronkaid? It says not to right on the box, but I'm assuming that's just a general disclaimer like the "no caffeine" warning on the package. (And yes, I know smoking in general is unhealthy, even if I'm only having 1-2 cigarettes a day.)

Also, is it normal to get a crazy pulse and anxiety after taking it? Last weekend I took a half capsule in the morning. I had a really hard time sleeping that night, and when I looked at my fitbit my heart rate was over 100 BPM while laying in bed at 2 in the morning. (The first few times I took it, I did not have this reaction.) I have a fluke genetic condition that affects mainly my joints, but also causes weird symptoms all through my body. So I'm not sure if this is normal, or if it's just my body reacting weirdly. (fwiw, I did stop taking it, but am wondering if it's safe to keep on hand to take in the future.)

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[Help] Tell me your favorite food scale
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Fri Jun 29 07:52:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8utabw/tell_me_your_favorite_food_scale/
---
I have been debating about buying a food scale. Do you have one? What kind? Pros/Cons?

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[Discussion] I have the urge only to buy food
/u/llmccormickk
Created: Fri Jun 29 07:49:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ut9n8/i_have_the_urge_only_to_buy_food/
---
Hey guys I feel like every time I am craving something I have a big debate with myself about whether or not the calories of the food are worth it. Then as soon as I buy it I just have the urge to throw it out. Does this happen to anyone else??? I also see food as a reward, does anyone else relate? How do you get over it?

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[Other] Throwback to *those times*
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Fri Jun 29 07:48:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ut9em/throwback_to_those_times/
---
https://i.redd.it/pk3gbm9v2y611.png

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[Rant/Rave] lol no recovery
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Fri Jun 29 07:31:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ut52i/lol_no_recovery/
---
The past few days I keep having thoughts like “hey, why don’t I try eating normally. I’ll try my best to come to terms with my body and fuck this disorder”. Im currently volunteering at a festival thing and I’ve seen so many people bigger than me (at 110(ish) and 5”3 it ain’t hard lmao) and im TERRIFIED of being like that. So lol, those recovery thoughts went down the drain and all I can focus on is the wobble of my thighs 🙃 being in a bikini next week will be fun !

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For all you Seinfeld fans
/u/lighterthanever
Created: Fri Jun 29 06:59:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8usxd1/for_all_you_seinfeld_fans/
---
https://i.redd.it/aqwwldg7ux611.png

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! June 29, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 29 06:12:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8usn6g/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_june/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for June 29, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 29, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 29 06:12:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8usn5c/daily_food_diary_june_29_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 29, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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Post two day binge
/u/browniez123
Created: Fri Jun 29 05:51:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8usimg/post_two_day_binge/
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So I am currently post two day binge where I gained 7 pounds :( I literally cannot wait for tomorrow where I will have hopefully lost some of this water weight.. I amnt gonna eat today at all and after work gonna go on a super long walk. This is 1000% my last Binge ever i am soo disgusting and bloated looking . What sucks is that it's sooo sunny out and I literally have no baggy summer clothes to wear, you can even see how I fat I look in flowy dresses! Sorry just needed to vent somewhere 😐

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Do you ever wish you could take a knife and cut off all your fat or is it just me? 😂😋
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Fri Jun 29 05:32:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8useyf/do_you_ever_wish_you_could_take_a_knife_and_cut/
---

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[Discussion] Does anybody know about the accuracy of losertown?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Fri Jun 29 05:27:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8use06/does_anybody_know_about_the_accuracy_of_losertown/
---

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New purchase - pretty hyped
/u/nanaberries
Created: Fri Jun 29 05:19:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uscf1/new_purchase_pretty_hyped/
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Got a pretty fancy looking food scale, pretty hyped. This is going to make tracking food a lot easier when i know the exact weight of it

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I thought I’d introduce myself? Idk.
/u/ImKindaFatOof
Created: Fri Jun 29 04:20:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8us1u4/i_thought_id_introduce_myself_idk/
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Hi!
Basically I was skinny but got fat again and now I’ve relapsed to get skinny again.

Pretty much last year (April 2017) I managed to hit 80lbs (Started at around 130lbs in October) at 5 foot 3 and I thought I looked obese, thinking back I was so skinny and all my bones were visible.

I ended up trying to recover and gain like 20lbs but I kept going and accidentally ended up at 180lbs which is the brightest I’ve ever been.

I hit 180 at the start of April 2018 so in exactly a year I gained 100lbs and boy, you’d think it was more like a 1000lbs with how bad my stretch marks are.

I’m currently 150lbs and none of my nice clothes fit, my skin is terrible, my friends hate me, my family life is getting worse and I’m basically one massive stretch mark. Also I have quite a few serious illnesses which mess my metabolism and ability to exercise up but I’m going to try my best,

That’s all I think I need to say? I’m not sure. If you have any questions or anything I’ll reply if you post them in the comments haha.

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[Rant/Rave] A breakthrough!
/u/fuckingupleftnright
Created: Fri Jun 29 03:59:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ury4i/a_breakthrough/
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I got down to 117lbs or so (5'7") and stopped weighing myself because it was really destabilizing to work progress. During this time I increased intake gradually from 300-500 max to around 800 and gradually up to maintenance. Because it was gradual I continued to lose weight even as my "water weight" from eating again went up. This is good because I used to engage in very bad behaviors to prevent water weight gain because I weighed so often (making workouts morning and night so I could have workout induced dropped in morning weight, restricting liquids after 7pm so I wouldn't have any in my system when I weighed ) that meant that if I didn't have these habits I would gain 3lbs of water. Not weighing myself has been crucial during this (1 week no weigh) and now I'm at the weight I'm ok with (117-118) daily without restricting water and eating at maintenance.

This is a rave because previously I thought I could never maintain at a low weight (like I wanted) or anything under 130lbs. I realize now it was because if I tried to maintain, but still weighed myself, I would see a 3-5lb jump in water overnight and freak out. I feel more stable now because this is my "true" weight not an artificially low weight I created thru no salt, no water, excessive exercise to lose water etc.

I can maintain here. I can lose if I want to but I'm in a good habit now and it's fucking great.

Note: I still have compulsive behaviours and thoughts but my mother made me start eating normally ish again so I feel less guilt because it's her "making me" not lose more not me being lazy lol

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what are the easiest to prepare meals ;v;
/u/ci-fre
Created: Fri Jun 29 03:56:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8urxpv/what_are_the_easiest_to_prepare_meals_v/
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Hey everyone <3 I feel really pathetic to admit this but I've been living off of protein bars for a long time and I am trying to eat different foods now.

I went to eating protein bars because then I could think less about preparing foods since it would stress the fuck out of me to just think and think about food all the time.

What are some extremely easy/quick meals ;v; I thought about asking another sub for this but they might say a lot of uhh, unsafe foods, and I'm not really stoked by that haha;;

thankss!

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[Other] Joined the spiralizer club! Recipes???
/u/c_marier
Created: Fri Jun 29 03:50:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8urwju/joined_the_spiralizer_club_recipes/
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How do you take full advantage of your spiralizer? Just bought one (after wanting one for over a year) and I'm now fully equipped and ready to replace the carbs in everything with fresh, sweet, clean veggies <3 What are recipes you've used or how do you cook your veggie noodles or tips and tricks you can share?

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[Rant/Rave] The Lies I Tell Myself
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Fri Jun 29 02:50:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8urmrj/the_lies_i_tell_myself/
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I’ll eat “normally” tomorrow.

It’s okay to back off of keto.

I’ll stop when I reach xx pounds.

The constant headaches are just allergies.

The bruising isn’t weird.

Doing squats in the bathroom after I pee is normal.

Everyone spends an hour configuring their intake into MFP before eating.

Getting freaked out about unplanned meal situations is totally reasonable.

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How often do you binge/purge?
/u/ImMissBrightside
Created: Fri Jun 29 01:57:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8urefl/how_often_do_you_bingepurge/
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I binge every once in a while and purge every meal (so several times a day) and I thought that amount was normal by this community standards but now I'm not so sure and I'm really worried. I never really thought about how bad my ED had gotten because it's kind of just routine now.

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I don't know how to feel about this.
/u/wispblue
Created: Fri Jun 29 01:09:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ur60n/i_dont_know_how_to_feel_about_this/
---
Because of my medication, i can't eat during the day but get extremely hungry at night. So i eat nothing all day and cover that up by eating 3 bars of chocolate at 3am. Lost 2kg in 3 days but i still feel horrible, i just can't prevent night eating, it's like i sleep-eat...

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[Discussion] DAE find changing rooms triggering AF
/u/SlipMitts
Created: Fri Jun 29 00:21:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uqxah/dae_find_changing_rooms_triggering_af/
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I've been all right with restricting lately. OMAD has helped me make sure I actually eat, but without the panic of inching closer to my calorie limit or the potential binge when I feel out of control. Been trying hard. Until a friend took me with her shopping yesterday..

We went to some high street shops and she encouraged me to try stuff on. I'm just getting out of plus size, so I could wear things in some shops that I wouldn't have been able to before. Self esteem boost, right? Nah fam, total fucking nightmare as I realise I can now see myself from every angle of the five mirrors in the changing room complete with unflattering light. I thought I was making progress not hating myself, but now I just want to restrict forever.

Anyone else know this feel?

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Think my friend got ED vibes from me
/u/shoeflygabs
Created: Fri Jun 29 00:12:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uqvi5/think_my_friend_got_ed_vibes_from_me/
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We were hanging out today and I said “so I fell asleep yesterday and...” then she finished my sentence and said “lost weight”. I jokingly laughed it off and said no, and finished my story. Later on when I was eating sushi, someone pointed out how I was eating it weird. I had ripped a roll to eat the filling separate from the rice. I didn’t realize someone saw since I instinctively ate like this by myself. Thankfully my friend backed me up and jokingly said how they have to respect my eating habits and that I’d survive in an apocalypse.

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[Help] No control
/u/nothingbutbraindump
Created: Thu Jun 28 22:47:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uqf2i/no_control/
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I’ve been eating less and less. But recently I get these huge waves of binging and cravings. It’s hard to control myself. I miss going back to 45 kg.

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[Help] I’m freaking out, what’s the best way to handle this??
/u/WaffleWolf14
Created: Thu Jun 28 22:03:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uq5lc/im_freaking_out_whats_the_best_way_to_handle_this/
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Sorry for the clickbaity title, I’m not sure if I can fit the whole situation in the title.

I’ve been on a low restriction all week, nearly every day being <300 calories. I’m on a woosh, and shed 3 pounds in 3 days, even with period bloating.

But my mom stayed home from work today, and I had to eat with her ALL DAY. I wasn’t even tracking, I was panicking so badly. She’s become really suspicious as of late, so I had to go out of my way to eat and be a lazy pig around her. She even made me weigh myself today, ugh.

But I asked her earlier in the week if I could go with her to work after lunch on Friday to use the equipment for a project. My plan was to fast and exercise today and tomorrow to make up for the weekend I have to spend with her, but she RUINED it. She also wants me to just come with her in the morning tomorrow, so I’ll have to eat with her again.

That’s 4 days of three meals a day instead of just the normal 2 for the weekend. I’m freaking the hell out, I know I’m going to gain all the weight I just lost and more.

I’m thinking about acting like I don’t want to come tomorrow due to a lack of sleep, but is that too suspicious??? As much as I hate it, I’d rather be set back a day or two than make her more suspicious in the long run.

Advice is super appreciated!!!

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like people expect me to be fat
/u/12Throwawaysthanks
Created: Thu Jun 28 21:58:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uq4ld/i_feel_like_people_expect_me_to_be_fat/
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If that makes any sense? I'm an overweight person and one of the biggest things stopping me from losing is I feel like I'll be judged for it.

An example is I very rarely go out for coffee, but when I do I usually get a sugary coffee as a way to treat myself. I feel like when I drink them in store people watch me and think "No wonder she's overweight- look how she eats!! What a pig!" But if I ordered say a black coffee or tea they'd think "Look at the fat girl trying to act skinny! I bet she's too ashamed to show how much she really eats!" Or "She's so delusional thinking she'll ever lose weight!"

It's the same with food and eating in public. Even after losing some weight I still feel like I'll always be "the fat friend" and I'm damned either way. I've been working hard towards eating healthy but sometimes these thoughts make me feel like I'm working for nothing

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2 minute noodles or cous cous?
/u/isaezraa
Created: Thu Jun 28 21:57:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uq4id/2_minute_noodles_or_cous_cous/
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ive got 300 cals left, but i cant decide between cous cous or 2 minute noodles, wanna pick for me ahahah

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[Discussion] DAE get jealous when people are sick?
/u/slumberingspirit
Created: Thu Jun 28 21:52:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uq3f0/dae_get_jealous_when_people_are_sick/
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Like not eating disordered sick. But I get so jealous when someone complains about having the flu or food poisoning or whatever else makes them lose their appetite and they accidentally lose weight?

One of my friends just told me she lost 10 pounds over two weeks because she had the flu and now I’m like cursing my body for having an immune system.

I feel guilty because that’s just awful. I should be glad she’s feeling better now and is back to being healthy. And I am. I just can’t turn this part of my brain off that would just love to accidentally drop 10 pounds without restricting or purging.

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Scared of reaching my goal weight
/u/ladeda1312
Created: Thu Jun 28 21:50:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uq317/scared_of_reaching_my_goal_weight/
---
I have 15-20 pounds to get to my goal weight and I'm worried that when I get there, I still will just have a lot of fat on my body that I want gone. If I get to the 20 pound mark, I will have an underweight BMI, but what if I don't look like how I want? I've been examining my body a lot today and I feel like there is just so much fat everywhere. More than 15-20 pounds. I just feel scared to reach my goal and still be so unhappy with my body. I've already lost quite a bit of weight and once I got to this point that I'm at now, I was initially very happy and did feel smaller. Now I'm getting that uncomfortable overweight feeling again and it was so strong today. It's the strongest when I sit down for long periods and can just feel my belly fat, back fat, thigh fat and how trapped I feel by my own body. The fact that I can still grab a substantial amount of fat means I'm nowhere close to where I want to be.

On top of that, I'm also scared to get to my goal because of my doctor. She thinks I'm at a healthy weight and doesn't want me to lose anymore, but I don't feel happy with my body at all and being at this point was never my goal. Plus, I just want to get rid of this fat already and want to restrict heavier, it's just that if I do start to lose too quickly, my doctor will be worried. So I'm worried that if I do get to my goal, questions will be asked that I don't want. I'm also on adderall which I really need to help with my adhd and it's just been a nice side-effect to help me with the weight loss. But if I get to my goal....what if she decides to stop my medication....it's the only thing keeping my adhd somewhat in check and helps me manage it more than I'd be able to just by myself. I actually lost a substantial amount before the medication, which only helped me with my last 5 pounds. I just don't want her to think I'm abusing it, which I'm definitely not and I'm very careful about taking it and I don't tell anyone except people I know I can trust about it.

So for the past month, I've been pretty much maintaining my weight and I feel stagnant and starting to feel very uneasy. I also still see my body as how it was before and it doesn't even look to me like I lost weight.

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[Rant/Rave] Please ban the hotdog bot
/u/poutineitin
Created: Thu Jun 28 21:43:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uq1k2/please_ban_the_hotdog_bot/
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That is all. Thank you.

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[Other] A friend sent me this, idk if it’s been posted #relatable
/u/eloana12
Created: Thu Jun 28 21:42:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uq1e8/a_friend_sent_me_this_idk_if_its_been_posted/
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https://i.redd.it/ty3nqx4w2v611.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I miss restricting after seeing my weight
/u/OakLeaf2
Created: Thu Jun 28 21:36:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uq04a/i_miss_restricting_after_seeing_my_weight/
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I weighed myself for the first time in months and I'm at my highest ever of ~270lbs. About a year ago I had gotten myself to 199-198 (from around 240ish) after nearly half a year of extreme restricting and occasional purging.

The months where I was restricting was probably the best point in my life. The weight loss gave me so much confidence, helped me with my self hate, I got so many compliments and encouraging comments from family and friends (who didn't know how I was losing weight). I went out more, talked to people more, and generally felt amazing about myself.

Around Christmas I snapped and went back to my extreme binges/emotional eating. Everything that happened before reversed and every healthy diet I try goes to either restricting or binging. Remembering how great that half year was when I stopped eating doesn't make it easier to make healthy habits.

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[Rant/Rave] do not know whether to be happy or sad about the fact that my partner didn’t ask me if I was hungry.... [cont. in post]
/u/ellerzverse
Created: Thu Jun 28 21:11:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8upunp/do_not_know_whether_to_be_happy_or_sad_about_the/
---
[removed]

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Sudden urge to binge
/u/HonestRaspberry
Created: Thu Jun 28 20:51:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8upq9j/sudden_urge_to_binge/
---
I didn't feel like binging all week and restricted at 1200 calories. Until I realised the bread was heavier than the serving size!!! I am still the same weight haiz. I feel like restricting is useless now. Only when I eat less than 500 calories then I get some actual results. Now I just feel like binging!!! :^(

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[Other] I ate so much lately and now I don't feel like me anymore
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Thu Jun 28 20:50:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8upq45/i_ate_so_much_lately_and_now_i_dont_feel_like_me/
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I know it's not much compared to some of your binges, I am aware of that, but for me, eating more than 1500 cals for three days in a row is a shitload. Anyways, my body doesn't feel like it's mine anymore because of this. I'm currently sitting on the kitchen table at 4:45 am (yay insomnia) and my body feels so incredibly heavy. I can't move. I see myself sitting on the table as if I were a whole other person walking into the kitchen. I don't know what's happening but it's freaky. I don't feel anything anymore. I have no emotions, I feel no sadness, no hunger. I may have just purged, it feels that way even though I have no memory of it. I desperatly want some sleep which I know I'm not gonna get (again yay insomnia) I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess it's because I want to talk or be listened to but nobody's awake at this hour. I don't know. Thanks for reading the whole thing if you did.

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Letting their SO down
/u/corgi-cake
Created: Thu Jun 28 20:45:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8upp2i/letting_their_so_down/
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Does anyone else feel like they're letting their SO down when they get off track or binge? Like you're going to became fat one day and they will no longer be attracted to you? If only I remembered this feeling before my ED brain does something I will regret...

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[Help] Chest pain and existential crisis
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Thu Jun 28 20:36:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8upmzg/chest_pain_and_existential_crisis/
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I keep getting pains in my chest on the left where my heart is

I'm scared but I don't know how to stop

I can hardly bring myself to eat above 1000 calories a day

I can't stop exercising and I can't start eating enough

Don't want to gain weight don't want to lose weight I guess I just wanna disappear

I'm only 17 I don't want to die like this

I don't know what to do

I need help but I'm afraid to ask for help

I'm scared

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[Tip] What are your favorite calorie burning exercises/tips?
/u/isukatdarksouls9
Created: Thu Jun 28 20:05:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8upg1v/what_are_your_favorite_calorie_burning/
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I absolutely love jumping jacks. Those coupled with a few push ups really get the heart pumping. Another neat tip is to stand instead of sit at your desk for work. But, if you have to sit, try to be as jittery as possible (yay coffee!).
Also, oddly enough, keeping your house/office colder really helps you get up and move to stay warm!
Cant wait to hear yours!

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[Other] Here I go obsessing
/u/OrganicEggWhite
Created: Thu Jun 28 19:57:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8upe4m/here_i_go_obsessing/
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I'm starting an Ana Bujo. Cringy ironic name for a cringy sadly unironic project. I already have a practice bullet journal and a regular one. I spent like 60 bucks on jetpens.com and Amazon. I've ordered thinspo prints from snapfish. I have a Pinterest board I've been collecting ideas in for a few weeks. My journal came today. It's a purple 8.5 by 11 with a picture of the Eiffel tower on the front. I have like 6 different purple pens and I am ready to devote my life to this. I hate being excited for this because I know it'll be so high stakes with my OCD. Anyway, anyone else do this? What do you put in yours?

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Is anyone willing to go in with me on low restriction for 70 days?
/u/70_days
Created: Thu Jun 28 19:45:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8upbci/is_anyone_willing_to_go_in_with_me_on_low/
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I have been on a huge binge and cycle of up and down. Normally I'm 120 or below, last year I jumped to 135, and with my last two weeks binging absolutely ridiculous amounts, I weigh a disgusting 140. My first goal weight is 120 or below so I just am not disgusted with myself. I calculated, and if I do things right with low restriction of about 500-800 a day, exercise, and NO BINGING I can get there in about 70 days. I would love to lose all the weight I need to lose completely, but the point of the 70 days is getting back to an acceptable weight, and stopping the cycle of binging. If I get even lower than that, great! If I am able to just stick to not binging for 70 days, and make significant progress toward my goal that is even enough. So thats the deal. 70 days without messing up... but I really would like support. I've seen a few posts asking for buddies (sorry Im a lurker) so I hope this post is okay.

Im 27 years old, and would love to find a buddy with similar stats, a similar age, and similar goals, with similar habits of low restricting. My only other requirement is that you be serious, and really commit. Ive been diet buddies with people, and then they binge or quit, and it sets me off, which sucks. So I just ask you please be serious about meeting your goal, and actually committing to 70 days. Im on my second day into this idea, but will happily restart at 70 alongside someone. We can WhatsApp or Discord, or however you want to communicate. The point is to be there for each other, and feel a sense of obligation to the other person so we push one another and don't mess up.

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What is everyone’s best way to lose weight, no matter how weird it is?
/u/rhymingfool4u
Created: Thu Jun 28 19:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8upa1y/what_is_everyones_best_way_to_lose_weight_no/
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I saw somebody comment magnesium oxide and wondering what everyone else does to drop weight.

Anything goes! Be specific!

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[Rant/Rave] when your planned calories get sabotaged in reverse
/u/painxiety
Created: Thu Jun 28 19:24:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8up6n1/when_your_planned_calories_get_sabotaged_in/
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welcome to my rant. feel free to rant as well it'll probably make me feel better.

i followed my planned calories today to a T. i went to work, did laundry, cleaned the bathroom. i got everything accomplished that i needed to. the last thing i had planned to eat for the day was half a pint of peanut butter cup halo top. my mom bought it for me specially for father's day weekend because she knew i wouldn't touch the full fat/sugar versions of ice cream that everyone else was eating. i didn't eat it because i like to save treats like that for a random week night when there is no particular reason to over indulge (like a thursday, such as this). peanut butter cup is, hands down, the best halo top flavor (don't @ me). i had my coffee for breakfast, two eggs for lunch, no snacking, one small bowl of quinoa and chicken for dinner. again, i got all my errands and chores done for the day. its 90 degrees, humid and sweltering here.

i so looked forward to that first sweet, cold spoonful of creamy goodness.

but it wasnt in the freezer.

nor was it moved to the freezer chest in the basement to make room.

it was gone.

it is gone.

they took away the first treat to myself (160 calories but a treat no less!) in AGES. i have nothing. i am so utterly disappointed.

this is after having several mishaps in the past week one of which involved seven hours of math homework being lost into cyberspace.

i just wanted my ice cream and one of the inconsiderate pricks in my family took that joy from me.

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[Rant/Rave] Just Binged (again)
/u/undertheweather123
Created: Thu Jun 28 19:17:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8up50p/just_binged_again/
---
I got my period yesterday for the first time in a long time which just made me feel fat as hell. Today’s my second day which is usually my worst, and I was just sooo hungry today and I ended up binging (and purging at least some of it).

Everything I ate today:

Oatmeal

Egg Salad Sandwich (which I don’t even like so I don’t know why I bought it lol)

Rice Crispy Treat

Strawberries

A fuck ton of chocolate

A Frappuccino

A Bottles Starbucks Drink like they sell at gas stations

Chip Crumbs

Cookie Crisps

Cup Noodles

and a Bagel with Cream Cheese


Looks like I’m fasting tomorrow

I hate myself

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[Rant/Rave] Sad binge
/u/Pigeons_r_life
Created: Thu Jun 28 18:54:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uozpp/sad_binge/
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Idk but like when you guys binge, isnt it supposed to feel like a high in the beginning? Only recently, my last two “binges” have had me feeling more depressed than usual. Like, before I even start eating, I get a mini sort of panic attack and feel like crying and then I maybe eat a couple of bites and just feel terrible the rest of the day. Idk if this makes sense lol but does anyone else get really anxious BEFORE binging?

---

[Rant/Rave] what is wrong with me
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Thu Jun 28 18:51:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uoz67/what_is_wrong_with_me/
---
i very recently started talking to a new guy (surprise, surprise. i’m a hoe). i met him at freshman orientation and we only met for a little bit but we exchanged snapchats. we started talking because i responded to one of his snapchat stories and we’ve been talking for hours every day. sounds great right? but get this, he’s so fucking fit. he has this godly body that makes me drool. and it makes me feel fucking disgusting. i’m this fat, blob of shit and i feel like i could never let anything come of this because i couldn’t let myself be with someone so attractive and who actually is able to take care of himself. i want to lose weight, but i have no control over myself. and at this point in time i literally have to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day, i have no choice. and that makes me so much hungrier than waiting until the end of the day to eat. anyways, this is just a pathetic rant bc i have no self control and also no way to work out at the moment.

p.s. i posted this on peach already so i’m super sorry if you’ve already read this. love y’all

---

[Rant/Rave] i just binged
/u/clemintide
Created: Thu Jun 28 18:38:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uow89/i_just_binged/
---
had to of eaten less than 10k calories today on the bright side, but that was so unsatisfying and stupid why did i do this? fuck. well just one binge won’t really set me back right, i can move forward from here... i was able to stop myself from it getting worse but damn, i still did it

---

How in the world are you supposed to recover when having one normal, non-restrictive meal causes immense pain in your gut!?
/u/AnAccidentSince1997
Created: Thu Jun 28 18:32:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uouqt/how_in_the_world_are_you_supposed_to_recover_when/
---
I broke and got what used to be one of my favorite meals tonight: pulled pork and broccoli. I was freaking out after I ate it, but then I told myself "maybe this is good? Maybe I needed this. That's what the doctors would tell you. They would say to listen to your body."

Well, 3 hours later, I'm listening to my body and it doesn't seem happy! I passed out from exhaustion for about 2 hours after eating it. Then I woke up with a lot of stomach pain and I still have it. How the hell am I supposed to recover if eating a normal sized meal actually hurts me?

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[Rant/Rave] Don’t know what to do
/u/versperalaxis
Created: Thu Jun 28 18:29:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uou5x/dont_know_what_to_do/
---
I feel at a loss. I’ve never been this high of a weight (thanks to no purging anymore), and my urges to restrict are MAD, but damn i just can’t do it. the fucking hunger cues won’t go away so i just end up bingeing.

why can’t i be back to where i was before :’(

---

How the hell am I supposed to recover if having 1 regular sized, non-restrictive meal makes my insides feel sick for hours?!
/u/AnAccidentSince1997
Created: Thu Jun 28 18:21:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uos8l/how_the_hell_am_i_supposed_to_recover_if_having_1/
---
I broke and got a meal of pulled pork and broccoli tonight. I'm so mad at myself now, but this stuff used to be my favorite and when I saw it I couldn't resist. I thought to myself, "at least my doctors will be happy. Maybe this is the right choice to eat this." Well, jts

---

DAE spend lots of time online ordering food
/u/anonythis_1216
Created: Thu Jun 28 18:18:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uornj/dae_spend_lots_of_time_online_ordering_food/
---
Only to remove everything and start over at another delivery site and then close out of that and fill the cart up with pizza and dessert and soda and bread sticks and the click order and almost order it all but then stare at the pile of workout clothes and remember how fat you are.

Cause that was my last 45 min. -___-

---

[Thinspo] sometimes your thinspo is a lie so dont beat yourself up
/u/osuimono
Created: Thu Jun 28 18:13:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uoqeu/sometimes_your_thinspo_is_a_lie_so_dont_beat/
---
https://i.redd.it/6dt0z2eg1u611.png

---

[Rant/Rave] I think I just binge every 3 days now wtf
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Thu Jun 28 18:10:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uopja/i_think_i_just_binge_every_3_days_now_wtf/
---
I was so close to keeping in deficit yesterday and then chocolate made me its bitch

Then this morning I gave up because I slept in???? I have had 3 or 4 donuts and 2 cookies and a LOT of other garbage I feel like trash. I figured out how to make myself throw up which is like, *hell yea I did it* but also *oh no i shouldn't do this* so u kno. Now it's raining so I don't even know if I can make up for missing my morning walk but tomorrow im going hiking with this cute guy and im so excited bc if i keep in deficit then i feel like i'll be able to be back on track by saturday

but UGH why do i keep doing this it's like ive never even heard of self control and I don't even LIKE the donuts that much???

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[Help] Entire large pizza
/u/myproedthrowaway321
Created: Thu Jun 28 18:07:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uoox7/entire_large_pizza/
---
I ate a whole large pizza in about five minutes after fasting and restricting for a week. I’ve got blisters on my mouth because it was still so hot :( it wasn’t even that good I barely tasted any of it

If I fast and restrict again this week and exercise and stuff will I still be able to make progress?

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Found an amazing “meal replacement” powder and it’s so lovely 😊
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Thu Jun 28 17:48:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uokj7/found_an_amazing_meal_replacement_powder_and_its/
---
I’m just excited that I’m getting my money’s worth with this

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[Rant/Rave] been in n out of the hospital for my mental health ugh
/u/romanticmisery
Created: Thu Jun 28 17:20:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uodvd/been_in_n_out_of_the_hospital_for_my_mental/
---
i had to actually eat food so i’m not even gonna look nice for prom or for anything this summer and FUCK all my friends are so skinny. i can’t stop b+p i’m gonna fast for as long as i can rn fuck this is horrible

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Help in danger of binging tonight
/u/irlnyc2018
Created: Thu Jun 28 17:17:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uod2w/help_in_danger_of_binging_tonight/
---
I have BED and have made it nine days without binging but the last few days have been hard. Work is super stressful and I am massively anxious. I just took a Xanax so I don’t have a panic attack. All I can think about is how I won’t be able to get through the night without binging and it’s making my anxiety ten times worse.

I hate this so much. I hate that it has to be so hard.

---

[Discussion] Chickpeas. Yay or nay?
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Thu Jun 28 17:03:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uo9lb/chickpeas_yay_or_nay/
---
Half a can is 200 calories. Is it worth it for the calories? I want to get my protein in!!!

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[Discussion] What is your most ridiculous/unhealthy/surprising safe food?
/u/necroticpeach
Created: Thu Jun 28 15:58:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8unsq9/what_is_your_most_ridiculousunhealthysurprising/
---
Mine is probably marshmallow peeps, they're only 140 calories for the whole pack of 5 or 28 cals each... Portion control lol! And so crunchy n soft... I'm gonna make peep kebobs for July 4th w strawberries & bananas (tbh bananas are a fear food much more than peeps haha).

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[Other] "Olive oil ice cream." How to combine two fear foods into a single precise affront to human decency.
/u/crushedcantharis
Created: Thu Jun 28 15:54:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8unrny/olive_oil_ice_cream_how_to_combine_two_fear_foods/
---
https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/olive-oil-ice-cream

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Applied for Food Stamps
/u/FAYGOLMAO
Created: Thu Jun 28 15:41:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uno3u/applied_for_food_stamps/
---
I keep binging and eating all the food in the house (my poor fiance). So I've applied for food stamps that he handles, so I don't just go binging all the time. Letting him handle the food purchases may help stop it, I hope. He eats lots of healthy foods so I'm really counting on this.

So yeah hope I get accepted.

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going on vacation for in like two weeks and i'm still fat!! haha yikes
/u/BackgroundHole
Created: Thu Jun 28 15:23:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8unj9o/going_on_vacation_for_in_like_two_weeks_and_im/
---
title says it all really but HOLY SHIT. i'm going to several warmer places in early/mid july and i just ordered some new bikinis, and i sized down in a couple of them too hahahaha i'm so fucked. i've lost like ten pounds since last month but i still have like 15 to lose and ive been stuck at 120 for the last week or two and its really stressing me out. if you have any advice that'd be cool but i really just needed to let it all out somewhere that people won't judge me :))

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Did I make my GF relapse?
/u/BfWithGfED
Created: Thu Jun 28 14:41:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8un7kd/did_i_make_my_gf_relapse/
---
Hey there. Thanks for taking the time to read this post. This is my first time in this subreddit. If there are any mistakes, apologies. I wrote this on my phone and I'm more worried about my Gf than my grammar. There is a TLDR at the end.

I am aware that my Gf had a past with eating disorder before we met. She told me that she would throw up to get control and to relieve stress. She has been in recovery since before we got together, it's close to a year now. She's been doing so well that I forget that she had an ED. Something happened today, and I am worried that I triggered a relapse.

Here is what happened.

So my gf and I were going about our day as per usual. I'm being my stupid silly self-trying to get her to unwind and such after work. I flapped my arms so to make my arms jiggle, and she commented on how I've gotten a bit chubbier. In a joking manner, I asked if it was an issue and if she'd like me any less. She responded in earnest, that she doesn't know, and that overweight people make her uncomfortable. I got worried about that, because I enjoy eating, cooking, and all that foodstuff. I can definitely see myself getting past the overweight mark. I would never consider having to change the way I ate because of the way I look. If it affected my health, I would make changes, but it has yet to get to that point. With this in mind, I told my gf that if she had been someone else, I would have ignored them and if there was insistence, I'd have dropped them. This is how important my freedom to eat is to me. But because I don't want to lose her by having her look at something she doesn't like - a more overweight me, I said I'll go on a diet. But I wouldn't be able to guarantee my mood during the diet, and that it could very well lead to us breaking up if I get upset because of the diet. She told me that led to her feeling like I just wanted to get rid of her and that I wanted to break up with her. I obviously do not want this hence why I would even consider going on a diet. After some discussion and things were cleared up, she told me that if we hadn't discussed and cleared things up, she would have given in and went to throw up. Now, due to my insensitivity, I worry that I may have triggered a relapse. Should I be concerned that the thought came to her mind? Would this be considered to be relapse behaviour? How would you handle it if the trigger was someone you saw and interacted with every day and is supposed to be there to support you? 

TLDR: I forgot my gf had a past with ED, made a joke, and I'm now scared that I triggered a relapse. Because her ED was before me, and I am currently the cause of stress and potential relapse, I don't know how to be there for her. Should I even be there for her? Am I worried for no reason?

Any insight is greatly appreciated. If there is need for clarification, please ask. Please let me know if this is appropriate for the subreddit. Thanks. I wish you all the best.

---

when a heatwave hits the UK ...
/u/arabella_05
Created: Thu Jun 28 14:38:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8un6pe/when_a_heatwave_hits_the_uk/
---
https://imgur.com/6ma8nYO

---

[Help] Favourite workout videos?
/u/damnitjanet6
Created: Thu Jun 28 14:03:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8umwch/favourite_workout_videos/
---
I've binged really badly today (this is getting to be an almost daily occurance wow) so does anyone have any suggestions for workout videos on YouTube that I could use to destress a little bit?

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[Rant/Rave] I miss being thin
/u/delightism
Created: Thu Jun 28 13:45:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8umr1y/i_miss_being_thin/
---
I miss being able to be able to eat only 300 calories a day. I miss being able to see a lower number on the scale each day. I gained so much weight from restricting so much and I hate myself right now. I hate looking at myself. I hate that I need to eat. I hate that I relapsed. I hate that I binge. I hate that I have a shitty relationship with my weight and food. Food is either my saviour or my demon. Why does it have so much power over me? I miss being thin. I miss having control. I want to be healthy but how can I be healthy or normal when my mind is so fucked up? i hate myself

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[Rant/Rave] i love being picky
/u/serketcircuit
Created: Thu Jun 28 13:26:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uml2d/i_love_being_picky/
---
not even being sarcastic, it makes life so much easier. im still a fat piece of shit, but at least its easier resisting things when i theres whole restaurants without a single thing im willing to eat

plus its nice thinking about the calories saved by knocking off every add-on and topping i won't eat (almost all of them every single damn time)

---

Experiences with Lexapro/Escitalopram?
/u/sapph666
Created: Thu Jun 28 13:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8umgom/experiences_with_lexaproescitalopram/
---
Title.

I've been prescribed 5mg to start out with, and while it helped my anxiety when I was a teen (as reported in my diary lol), I can't remember if it caused changes in appetite/cravings/etc., and I want to be prepared.

I've taken another SSRI, Fluoxetine, relatively recently (about a year and a half ago) and can remember that it seemed to be somewhere between appetite neutral and a slight appetite suppressant (couldn't tell t b h lol). I'm also taking Topiramate.

So yea, anecdotes très apprécie <33333

---

[Rant/Rave] Finally being honest with myself.
/u/cocacolonization
Created: Thu Jun 28 13:09:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8umg1r/finally_being_honest_with_myself/
---
Posting this here to hold my stupid ass accountable.
I’ve been binging almost nonstop since February, to the tune of like 2500-4000 calories a day. I keep binging despite my best efforts to just cut this shit out and start restricting again. I’ve started drinking more, using stimulants more often, and abusing laxatives and suppositories to help speed up the purge process. I spend like $20 a day on junk food to stuff in my fat face. I polished off like 15,000 calories in the last day: a pound of Twizzlers, a box of Cheez-it’s, Taco Bell, Chinese, a full pack of Oreos, and a pint of ice cream. There’s no end in sight. Just eat, puke, poop, repeat.

I hit a LW a month ago, and then gained 10 pounds back after my boyfriend dumped me. It’s all sitting on my stupid stomach and thighs, and just in time for beach season. I have never been this depressed or miserable. I’m so tired of this. I’ve been terrified of admitting on here that my attempt at “maintenance” has led to this. But this stops today. I refuse to live like this any more.

---

[Intro] Here we go agaiiiiin. Hi!
/u/ConclusiveNixon
Created: Thu Jun 28 12:43:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8um8d3/intro_here_we_go_agaiiiiin_hi/
---
Thought I'd introduce myself since I'll probably be around quite a bit. So, I'm 25/F. Started out with purging subtype AN at 14, which developed into BN around 17. Got super skelly and went kinda nuts. Did a stint at a residential treatment center about five years ago. It sucked.

I've gotten a lot better since then, though I still struggle with b/p 2-3 times a week. The thing is, I've been steadily putting on weight to the tune of 30 lbs in the past year. I don't know if it's a combination of getting older, living with my fiance and thus eating more, the fact I work from home, or what, but it's driving me insane. I work in adult entertainment and spent a while stripping. I've since quit dancing due to an injury, so I'm sure being more sedentary has something to do with it, too.

I've tried doing this the healthy way, but steered away from hardcore calorie counting because that's a slippery slope. Tried keto for a few months and felt like shit. I eat cleanly in general. Old habits started rearing their ugly heads. And here I am. My body is my living, and while I have a nice figure (and big fake tits) I feel like there are bugs under my skin. I don't fit into ANY of my old clothes and it sucks. And I hate, hate, hate the way I look on video or in pictures.

My B/P cycle has gotten rapidly worse the last few weeks, which is only made even more frustrating by the fact I am not losing any weight. So I'll be biting the bullet and counting calories again if only to break the cycle. Going to try to stay under 1000. Wish me luck.

My relationship with food will probably never be normal, but for everything else, I am a pretty happy, well-adjusted person.

So. Yeah. Hi. Thanks for reading my wordsplatter.

---

I gained 11 pounds in 3 days binging
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Thu Jun 28 12:34:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8um5ie/i_gained_11_pounds_in_3_days_binging/
---
I know it's mainly water weight and I know at most it was probably 3lbs of fat (\*shudder\*), but goddamn it. I think I'm also about to get my period but it's very irregular, so I'm not sure. I gain up to 10lbs of water weight right before.


I didn't even want to binge, but I wanted the whoosh so I said fuck it, and then got super hungry the next day and kept eating. At least I'm back on track. Today I had 610ish, but my usual is around 300. FML.

---

[Discussion] Any good filling recipes consisting of minimal ingredients?
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Thu Jun 28 12:22:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8um26m/any_good_filling_recipes_consisting_of_minimal/
---
Please share, and if possible add the number of calories each serving has + size! Thanks!

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DAE get super into making sure their loved ones eat right?
/u/FallenLeafOnTheWind
Created: Thu Jun 28 12:05:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ulx5z/dae_get_super_into_making_sure_their_loved_ones/
---
For example, earlier my younger sister (who works at the same job as me) said she was feeling tired all of a sudden, and I asked if she'd eaten lunch yet. She said all she'd had was a snack-pack of Chips Ahoy all day, and I found myself scolding her a little and insisting that she make a sandwich in the break room, or at the *very* least, eat some jerky or almonds to get some protein in her system. I also insisted that my best friend try out steamable broccoli when I accompanied her on a grocery shopping trip the other day, and have been all but harping on my poor boyfriend to drink more water during the day (he's always complaining of dehydration).

Does anyone else do this?

---

[Discussion] Hey beauties! I’m curious... when y’all count your calories, do you subtract the calories you burn exercising, or just record the total amount you consumed?
/u/ellerzverse
Created: Thu Jun 28 11:54:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ulttt/hey_beauties_im_curious_when_yall_count_your/
---

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[Rant/Rave] Round of applause for Safeway and the variety of low calorie ice cream brands they have
/u/RaynieDreams
Created: Thu Jun 28 11:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ulo1g/round_of_applause_for_safeway_and_the_variety_of/
---
https://i.redd.it/izbjt89h1s611.jpg

---

[Help] Boyfriend and eating disorder
/u/Sarahsj44
Created: Thu Jun 28 11:21:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uli4m/boyfriend_and_eating_disorder/
---
I’m sure most of you can relate, so I really need advice

My boyfriend and I are currently in a long distance relationship, and due to him being 5’4 he’s lighter than me and you all can imagine how much that triggers me, I’m seeing him in 1 or 2 months roughly and I really want to drop weight before then

Anyhow, he knows about my eating habits and disordered eating, he’s aware of how many days I can go without eating and he’s honestly a pain when it comes to my eating, I know it’s because he cares but he gets extremely strict and controlling when it comes to my eating
I don’t hate him for it and this isn’t a “oh my bf is such a butthole for not letting me slowly kill myself!” post, I know he cares about me and if he wasn’t a pain with my eating I’d be concerned

But currently I honestly can’t mentally afford eating, my life’s been going downhill for 2 years now, and I just can’t afford the guilt and the urges to b/p every time I eat, every time I’m forced to eat I just end up b/p ing and I just can’t take it anymore, my boyfriend doesn’t understand that, all he cares about is that I eat, so I’m currently considering hiding starving from him..?
I don’t want to break his trust but I just really can’t “recover” atm


And aside to all that, we fight almost 2/3 times a week JUST because of my eating, and it’s not his fault at all, he’s very sweet and loving, the reason he’s so harsh is because he tried being loving to help but of course Ana took advantage of that and now he’s harsh when it comes to my eating🙃

So to avoid all that, would i be the asshole if I hid it?
And if I can’t hide it what can I do?


Note: I am NOT ready to recover atm

---

suicide attempt TW
/u/alliwantisskinny
Created: Thu Jun 28 11:20:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ulhwo/suicide_attempt_tw/
---
So I tried to kill myself but failed and im still here. I'm still in the hospital and I get to go home today. I honestly don't even feel better and I wish it worked and I wasn't here anymore. my anorexia is still so bad and I haven't eaten anything while I've been here and the doctors haven't noticed or said anything. so that's how life is going :(

---

Amazing Zucchini soup recipe for 240 calories for three bowls worth (6 cups?)
/u/malificentbeauty
Created: Thu Jun 28 11:17:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ulgpe/amazing_zucchini_soup_recipe_for_240_calories_for/
---
I found this amazingly filling, super low calorie soup recipe. One medium sized zucchini, 1/3 cup unsweet coconut milk (thai kitchen type, not plant milk type), 3 cups vegetable stock, 1/2 an onion, I add garlic powder and an herb mix.

Brown onions in deep pan until translucent, add stock, zucchini cut in thinish round slices, and coconut milk. Let simmer until zucchini are mushable. Pour all of it into a blender and blend until smooth.

That's it! Super warm, filling soup suitable for multiple meals or one big bowl of soup!

---

[Help] Please send good vibes
/u/th3Y3ti
Created: Thu Jun 28 11:15:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ulgan/please_send_good_vibes/
---
I’ve got nine days to lose as much weight as I possibly can. Please lord let me stay strong 😩

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[Rant/Rave] I just got called fat....
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Thu Jun 28 10:53:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ul8a5/i_just_got_called_fat/
---
I’ve already been on a slippery slope using restricting as a way to punish myself. I posted a picture of my legs on another site and someone said “my legs are 1/3 the size of yours”. Cool....guess who won’t be eating at all today.

---

DEA have a SO who also has a history with ED?
/u/sweetiepeachy
Created: Thu Jun 28 10:47:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ul6ez/dea_have_a_so_who_also_has_a_history_with_ed/
---
I just need to get some stuff off my chest real quick. I've been with my boyfriend for roughly 8 months now and one of the things we have in common is a history with ED behaviors, but the thing he doesn't realize is I've been slipping back into mine recently. My boyfriend viewed himself as the "fat kid" in high school and during his senior year he started restricting heavily to lose weight. He lost a good amount of weight, but eventually stopped. However, I still notice stuff like him never eating breakfast or skipping meals sometimes (although hello, I'm guilty of the same). Recently, I've been fully embracing my ED hard, and losing weight. I feel like I want to tell my boyfriend about this, because I know that the path I'm going down is unsustainable and I kinda don't want to go through it alone. BUT, I'm so scared of maybe triggering him or making him unnecessarily worried for me (we're in diff states rn so that's also a thing). I have never had any experience with this, is it worth it to bring it up to my boyfriend or will it only cause more harm than good? And if I do admit it to him.......how tf do I do that especially while we're long distance rn. RIP me guys.

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[Rant/Rave] I love having a job where I can put off eating!!
/u/goosegurl
Created: Thu Jun 28 10:43:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ul544/i_love_having_a_job_where_i_can_put_off_eating/
---
I was just thinking about how lucky I am to work where I do.

I work in an insect virology lab, so no food or drink in the work area. I'm a massive workaholic too, so I can work for 10 hours straight down there and no one bats an eye.

Little do they know that sometimes I do that to avoid eating the food in my office upstairs 🙃

If someone invites me to lunch, I can usually just say that I'm in the middle of a protocol and can't get out in time. Again, totally normal for lab work.

I can't imagine working in an office. It must be horrible to be surrounded by people snacking at their desks c o n s t a n t l y.

Where do you guys work? Do you think it affects your eating?

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Does anyone else use cigarettes/gum as a way to fight the urge to binge?
/u/lilmeeble
Created: Thu Jun 28 10:41:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ul4e2/does_anyone_else_use_cigarettesgum_as_a_way_to/
---
This is my first time posting here, I’ve been a lurker for a little while now. Like the title says, I’ve been trying to find ways to keep my mouth busy and take hunger away. Lately I’ve been chewing gum for hours and hours everyday and when I get the urge to eat, I go outside and smoke. I know smoking is terrible for me, but I’m okay with it for now.

Does anyone have any other ways to satisfy the hand-to-mouth/chewing actions other than eating ice?

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Shopping for new clothes is depressing
/u/lavendersmoke
Created: Thu Jun 28 10:02:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ukrla/shopping_for_new_clothes_is_depressing/
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I'm traveling and in need of some dresses to wear because it's 30C here and I didn't bring any. I know that I gained weight because I brought my scale with me but I didn't realize how bad it was until today. I didn't fit the dress I wanted and I just looked so fat. My bikini top doesn't fit me well either anymore and I'm just sad now. Sad and fat.

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Dealing with boyfriends and eating disorder
/u/Fiacchi
Created: Thu Jun 28 09:58:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ukq40/dealing_with_boyfriends_and_eating_disorder/
---
Hey everyone!

I struggled with my weight and eating a lot when I was in high school :( about four years ago
My current partner knows this and he’s the man I want to marry.
When I was in high school I flipped out when a guy put chocolate milk in my sugar free energy drink (my lunch at the time, and I had to walk 20 minute to get it)
Another time my then boyfriend put his finger in my lunch sorbet and I burst into tears and threw it at him.
I’m just concerned, because in the last year with my amazing boyfriend it’s been perfect.
I guess I’m worried about being emotional without reason and my stress about food.

Does anyone have any advice?
Thank you all in advance!!

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How to deal with stress and boyfriends???? Help!!!
/u/Fiacchi
Created: Thu Jun 28 09:43:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ukl6o/how_to_deal_with_stress_and_boyfriends_help/
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Hey everyone!

I struggled with my weight and eating a lot when I was in high school :(
My current partner knows this and he’s the man I want to marry.
When I was in high school I flipped out when a guy put chocolate milk in my sugar free energy drink (my lunch at the time, and I had to walk 20 minute to get it)
Another time my then boyfriend put his finger in my lunch sorbet and I burst into tears and threw it at him.
I’m just concerned, because in the last year with my amazing boyfriend it’s been perfect.
I guess I’m worried about being emotional without reason and my stress about food.

Does anyone have any advice?
Thank you all in advance!!

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Advice about loving partners and food intake?
/u/Fiacchi
Created: Thu Jun 28 09:32:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ukhrr/advice_about_loving_partners_and_food_intake/
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[removed]

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I'm scared of being pregnant
/u/AnnaGreen3
Created: Thu Jun 28 08:47:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uk35v/im_scared_of_being_pregnant/
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Hi, I'm 27 and I've been married for almost 2 years. Inevitably, my family is starting to pressure me with a baby since "it's time", but I still don't want to. Since I started studying, everyone kinda backed off, but I only have a year left and I will be out of excuses.
My husband is amazing and tells me that whenever I'm ready, he won't pressure me, but I don't know how to tell him that my biggest fear is not even the baby, it's my body, or what will be left of my body.
I've been struggling with my weight my entire life, but this last year have been even harder (stupid old lady metabolism I guess).
Have any of you have kids? How did you handle being pregnant? Is your body the same? How many weigh you gained?

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feeling focus? motivation? clearly i’m way too nourished and should restrict harder
/u/chili_jones
Created: Thu Jun 28 08:42:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uk19h/feeling_focus_motivation_clearly_im_way_too/
---
reasons i hate myself

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[Rant/Rave] Hide your kids, hide your wives: Germany has a Halo Top equivalent!
/u/VigilantDiscipline
Created: Thu Jun 28 07:56:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ujn4c/hide_your_kids_hide_your_wives_germany_has_a_halo/
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FINALLY. It's called [Protami](https://www.protami.de/), and it's 115 calories per 100 ml (or thereabouts, depending on the flavor). Plus a fuck-ton of protein, which is amazing for my keto macros. You can find it in Edeka.

I'm so happy right now, you guys. I haven't had anything close to resembling ice cream since the last time I ate Halo Top in the States. SUMMER IS SAVED.

---

[Rant/Rave] I just ate like 1000 cals accidentally
/u/cocoapuffsss
Created: Thu Jun 28 07:37:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ujh6i/i_just_ate_like_1000_cals_accidentally/
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Throwaway account because I’m always paranoid that my mom secretly knows my username, w/e.

So, st my work we can order from this really great restaurant so I’m basically OMAD so I can eat a relatively normal meal. Despite this, I normally order LCHF which means the kitchen decides what meal of the day they’ll remove any and all carbs from. Therefore I never really know what I’m getting, just that it’s carb-free. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED DUE TO POOR LABELLING? I ended up eating someone else’s meal and had a panic attack because that person got really pissed + now I can’t properly count the amount of cals I ate :( Guess it’s back to shame-fasting.

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Coffee drink and liquid ideas
/u/Zefside_Zebra
Created: Thu Jun 28 06:34:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uiysh/coffee_drink_and_liquid_ideas/
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I'm basically living on coffee based drinks right now, preferably cold, mostly because it's a liquid I can pretend I've added ensure to and people will leave me alone about my calorie intake. Ensure is the bane of my existence. I've been on a kick of drinking Starbucks cold coffee mixes, which are about 140 calories/8oz. I drink about a container a day and that's my only intake. Im just looking for some new ideas that aren't frozen calorie laden coffees. I am physically incapable of solids right now, and these drinks are enough to make sure I don't go crazy and eat a ton of solid food and vomit everywhere. I know you lovely people have some delightful low cal beverages to keep me going. I'm also open to other liquid ideas to keep the boredom at bay. Thanks so much!!!

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[Rant/Rave] Stupid Wegmans coffee
/u/YukiHase
Created: Thu Jun 28 06:18:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uiu3w/stupid_wegmans_coffee/
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So my parents and I are out for a few days visiting my sister and we went to a Wegmans to look around and get coffee. Turns out their flavored coffees have SUGAR in them and I unknowingly ingested 80 calories.... I'm SOOO angry. There was nothing saying that there was sugar either. I mean, what if someone had diabetes and they got that? I'm so pissed OFF! I was already worried about the calories from the freaking almond milk

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How to eat a lot without gaining weight
/u/r1cecream-
Created: Thu Jun 28 06:15:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uitbr/how_to_eat_a_lot_without_gaining_weight/
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Sorry for the buzzfeed title. Here are a lot of examples of what I stuck with which you can eat, feel full, and still remain under your TDEE.

Fat free hotdogs 45 calories each. You can eat 10 hotdogs and be at 450. 20 hotdogs at 900. "I eat 20 hotdogs a day" is a lot better than saying "i only eat 900 calories a day." Watch out for sodium levels though- don't die.

Halo Top Icecream.'280-300 calories. Eat 3 entire pints of icecream every single day and still be only at 900.

Lean Cuisine / Smart Ones / Healthy Choice: 300 calories per meal box. A lot of variety.

Miso Soup: 35 calories from amazon

Unsweetened Vanilla Almond milk: 30 calories per cup. Skim is 90.

Crab Classic fake crab: 245 calories per package

Subway cheese Flatizza: 390 cal


Feel free to post your favorites.

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support June 28, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 28 06:11:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uis6y/weekly_emotional_support_june_28_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 28, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 28 06:10:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uirqd/daily_food_diary_june_28_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 28, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Discussion] When you realize you don’t HAVE to binge...
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Thu Jun 28 05:52:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uimw4/when_you_realize_you_dont_have_to_binge/
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It’s been a rough week, and is due to arrive tomorrow. All last night I was dreaming up this glorious binge I was going to have this morning. Idk why I just felt like I had somehow gained all this weight throughout the day yesterday so of course I wanted to binge because of it.

Stepped on the scale this morning and zero gain. Normal weight. My brain is effed.

Then I remembered I planned to binge, so I started to think about all the food I was going to go buy on my way to work, and really was dreading it. Like, of course donuts are great but I was dreading everything about how I’d feel after, how much weight I’d gain, how awful I’d perform at work, etc.

*...and then I realized I don’t HAVE to binge.* Hahahah. It literally felt like someone was making me binge and I dreaded it like it was set in stone and already happened.

NAH, SUCKAAAA. I won’t get into the 130’s by July 1 with a binge! BOT HAPPENIN!

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WHY is body dysmorphia??
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Thu Jun 28 05:37:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uij06/why_is_body_dysmorphia/
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Yesterday I took a picture of my ribs and stomach because I was trying to prove that I could legit be one of those unhealthy "thinspo" pictures. I looked and yes, it's true BUT THEN I saw my stomach as fat and started pointing out flaws despite every single bone protruding from my body??? WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE

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[Rant/Rave] I've wasted my youth
/u/RatchetButtons
Created: Thu Jun 28 05:36:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uiimq/ive_wasted_my_youth/
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Realising I am edging on 30 and have wasted my twenties consumed with my weight. Not going on holidays because I thought I was too fat. Not leaving the house because I was too fat. Not going to parties. Isolating and losing my friends. Ruining relationships because I am consumed with my fat self. Missing out on things to stay at home binging and purging. Spending all my money on booze, cigarettes and so much food.

I tried to stop and eat normal and now I am a fat cow again. I have quit my job because everyone there is huge and that is how I will end up too if I stay. I have binged so much the past few weeks and I feel so embarrassed as my weight gain is very noticeable in such a short time frame.

I have nothing because I am obsessed with being skinny. And now I'm not even skinny. I hate me so much.

---

My favorite line. Drop your favorite songs bellow. https://youtu.be/9CyquKxA7ZM
/u/Alexis1394
Created: Thu Jun 28 05:17:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uidun/my_favorite_line_drop_your_favorite_songs_bellow/
---
https://i.redd.it/7unat241vo611.jpg

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Currently sitting in the waiting room at an ED clinic
/u/PM_M3_UR_SECRETS
Created: Thu Jun 28 05:02:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ui9w8/currently_sitting_in_the_waiting_room_at_an_ed/
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And all I can think about is how I'm much too fat to be sitting here and how the employees are probably wondering what the fuck I'm even doing there lol kill me

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[Rant/Rave] Teacher worried??
/u/annjovi
Created: Thu Jun 28 04:46:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ui5vm/teacher_worried/
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My first post here after long time lurking but I just need to talk about it:
So I have been traveling with my school mon/tue. So I thought: 'yaaay what a great opportunity to fast unnoticed' soo I did for like 45 hours. (Sunday night to tuesday evening). But I didn't know that my teacher is this attentive person? The teachers at my old school didn't care about anything. At all.
Well my new teacher was like "oh why don't you eat pizza with us bla bla bla" I told him I was vegan, that I had an apple and a few nuts packed (lie). He tried pushing food on me for the next two days, telling me I am eating too little. Now on Thursday in school he talked to me alone how he was "worried" because I wasn't eating. Like... Why does he care? I know I should be grateful that I have a teacher that cares but for some reason I am super annoyed right now. Just. Leave. Me. Alone. Besides, I am too fat for him to suspect a real problem anyway. So I just smiled, nodded, told him I go to the doctors for vitamin checks and stuff, that I was only not eating that one time because I didn't have any space to pack food. But why does he even need to talk about it. I know I sound like a hypersensitive little bitch but this is the first time anyone besides my mom has noticed there's something wrong after half a decade of EDs and it is really affecting me for some reason.

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Please support this person
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Thu Jun 28 04:33:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ui2nt/please_support_this_person/
---
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UAXzzUVVRWY

She’s been documenting her recovery on YouTube & I wish her the best.
I just really felt the need to share this with you guys

Like honestly I don’t think I’ve ever seen an anorexic person who look this physically ill, but they are recovering and hopefully she will extend her life a little by doing so

(her videos only show her face not body just in case you think you might be triggered)

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[Rant/Rave] I can’t do this anymore [ rant ]
/u/archerofdawn
Created: Thu Jun 28 03:05:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uhllf/i_cant_do_this_anymore_rant/
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I have an event coming up in five days where I haven’t seen anyone involved in a year. I’ve been binging really bad like REALLY BAD for the past month? Two months? But I was like oh well I was fat before but no.

No.

I gained 17lbs between today and this time last year.


I’m tired of this. I want to be stick thin. I saw a girl on the street today and I could see her sternum/that weird rib area you can see in the décolleté. My gf weighs nothing. I can see her bones in the pictures I see. I don’t want to be the fat one. I don’t want to be someone she would be ashamed to be seen with in public. I know she wouldn’t ever say it but I’d definitely feel it, whether she thinks it or not.


I CANT DO THIS! I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. I DONT WANT TO EAT ANYMORE. ALL IT DOES IS TURN INTO FAT AND SHIT ANYWAYS. Why do I even eat. Honestly. Ugh.

I hope I can at least lose some water weight before I go so that I’m not as heinously visibly overweight.

Sorry about the rant. I really need to park my fat ass back on the wagon.

---

i'm so tipsy posting this but
/u/thique
Created: Thu Jun 28 02:56:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uhkeg/im_so_tipsy_posting_this_but/
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i love reading this sub and knowing i'm not alone :') i have so many issues that i cant talk to anybody about and i still don't really have an outlet but seeing everyone else post makes me feel ducking sane. i love you guys

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[Help] scared to stop fasting bc i don’t want to gain any weight back :(
/u/pistachiocreams
Created: Thu Jun 28 02:35:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uhhkj/scared_to_stop_fasting_bc_i_dont_want_to_gain_any/
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i have been fasting (diet soda, black coffee, and tea) for 85 hours now. yesterday i weighed in at 114.2lb (my pre vacation weight! yay) and this morning i was 112 lb which is SO exciting for me. only thing is, now i’m scared to break my fast. i was originally planning on breaking tonight but i really don’t want to gain any weight back.
any tips? idk what to do :,(

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[Other] Ana (2006 Short Film)
/u/FlipFlopFlyingForth
Created: Thu Jun 28 02:28:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uhgid/ana_2006_short_film/
---
https://youtu.be/rhvhIzIRuSQ

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Long time, no see
/u/ms_tiny_tits
Created: Thu Jun 28 01:09:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uh1zy/long_time_no_see/
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Hey it's me, the tiny tits girl.

I've been away for some time, for almost six months actually. I woke up the 25th of December and couldn't remember anything between the start of October to the end of December. It was like my whole brain got resetted, and my eating disorder too. When I came home from the hospital, I started anew. I ate three full meals each day without a drop of guilt and anxiety. My dietician even felt that I was so healthy that I could start working out again, so I went to the gym 4 days a week.


I gained weight quickly and I could finally work out without feeling weak. I could squat 30 kgs at the beginning of January, and 70 kgs at the end of March. I got abs now, a butt so big I can't fit into my old pants, and I could lift stuff I couldn't even dream about lifting a year ago. Recovery went great, but then came the summer.

I started viewing myself differently when my depression crept back. I stopped going to school and my appetite diminished. A year ago, I was at 48 kgs, now I'm at 63. It's started again but I'm so grateful for this community, you've always been there for me and I hope you can welcome me back again.


I hope you're having a great week ❤

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[Rant/Rave] I’ve had a really bad day and I’m debating on ordering food before I sleep.
/u/frailaspen
Created: Thu Jun 28 01:07:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uh1r5/ive_had_a_really_bad_day_and_im_debating_on/
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I already gave in once today and I know I shouldn’t get more fucking mcdonald’s but I am so tempted.

I tried to bring up how I feel about gaining weight with my boyfriend and how I know I have very disordered eating. He made a comment about how he thought I was talking about my “binge eating.”

Typically I eat once a day to try and keep my blood sugar levels okay because I’m diabetic. But the comment about how all I do is binge eat...

I keep thinking about this and it makes me just want to say fuck it and order some food but I feel like I’ve been actually seeing a small difference lately. Maybe that’s just all in my head too like how I thought I haven’t been “binge eating.”

Goodnight, here’s to hoping I don’t give in.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else really stressed by fat family? How do you deal?
/u/goosegurl
Created: Thu Jun 28 00:55:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ugznj/anyone_else_really_stressed_by_fat_family_how_do/
---
First post here, so hi everyone! Nice to meet you all :)

Anyway, I come from an obese family. I never was, since I developed an ED when I was very young.

I'm living on my own now, but seeing my family get fatter every time I come home (including my 16yo brother) really depresses me and makes me super anxious. In the end, when I'm home I end up either fasting for days or binging on whatever they're eating. Which makes me hate myself either way, and the cycle continues.

DAE come from a situation like this? I think one of the main reasons my ED keeps on kicking is seeing them like this, and being terrified that if I stop I'll end up like them. Anyone else feel this way?

---

I guess this means several of us aren't adults bc we keep so little food at our homes 😅
/u/kpatable
Created: Wed Jun 27 23:48:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ugp82/i_guess_this_means_several_of_us_arent_adults_bc/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/8ueqc4/image_spotted_at_my_drs_office/?utm_source=reddit-android

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Feeling the need to purge, did I just accidentally start purging another way? [rambling]
/u/dootdootoops
Created: Wed Jun 27 23:25:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uglk9/feeling_the_need_to_purge_did_i_just_accidentally/
---
For a really long time often (not always) after I eat a “large” amount (probably normal amount) I’ll want to go make myself puke. I don’t want to because of what can happen due to stomach acid, so I don’t. It concerned me, but I haven’t told anyone. I’m terrible at restriction, especially since I work almost full time on my feet, though I try anyways.

I always drink water or things with a lot of milk. I get sick (other end) half an hour later. I’ve been drinking more milk so I don’t “waste” the gallon. Now that I’ve noticed I kind of want to drink more milk. But I also don’t because of the calories.

Restriction used to be so easy for me. I lost 20+lbs in 3 months or less. As much as being like 70lbs was scary to me (I’m short - 4’11 now, might of been a bit shorter then), I liked my body so much more then. I would go 2-3 days without eating, eat one or two sandwiches or maybe a hotdog and a half and then do it again.

I feel like crap. Now I’m fat and struggling and my meds need upped.

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[Other] Why do some people look sick and anorexic in some pictures, but look ok in others?
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Wed Jun 27 23:13:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ugjj6/why_do_some_people_look_sick_and_anorexic_in_some/
---
I'm not exactly looking for an answer. I just see this one girl who in one picture looks like she is dying (ribs, body extremely small, arms scary skinny, face sunken in) but in another she is all dressed out and in public and she looks small but not like she is dying like in the other picture. What gives?

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[Discussion] Socializing and Restriction. How do I beat my ED if it decreases my anxiety?
/u/dimensionwitch
Created: Wed Jun 27 23:10:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ugj6k/socializing_and_restriction_how_do_i_beat_my_ed/
---
When you restrict, how do you think your socializing skills are affected? How do you socialize better when restricting? I think my ED serves as a coping mechanism for my social anxiety, it gives me power to not be scared to talk to people. But in the end, i'm killing myself. How do you combat this?

I either feel
1) Feeling euphoric and confident - more social (Content seeing it go lower and lower, feeling reckless and not giving a care in the world because my ED gives me control )
2) Feeling tired, empty and disconnected and isolating myself because I don't want to be useless or not good enough because I can't concentrate to be talkative, funny, or whatever. Also people judging what I eat - less social (When I realize I'm not content because I'm not dead. I feel dead inside from lack of energy and it makes me seem uninterested.)

---

Scared and lonely and desperate.
/u/maybeshesmelting
Created: Wed Jun 27 23:05:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ugib4/scared_and_lonely_and_desperate/
---
This isn’t exactly ed related, other than the fact that I am feeling so unbearably and intensely sad that all I want to do right now is purge, which I haven’t done in years. And I won’t, because my fear of fucking up my teeth anymore than I already have is enough to stop me. But the desire is stronger than it has been in quite a long time. So I’ll settle for word vomit instead.

I don’t even know what set me off, I really don’t, but an hour or two ago I just felt myself overwhelmed with this feeling of loneliness and rejection and desperation, and loads of incidents of betrayal and abandonment just came rushing back at me out of nowhere.

I’m thinking of my college BFF and all the times we would be hanging out with stuff planned to do, but when her boyfriend would call she’d tell him she was doing “nothing” and run right off to meet him at Starbucks. Or when she bailed on our birthday plans (we have the same bday) that I had been so excited for, because someone else had come along with a better offer (which I couldn’t possibly be included in, because why would she want crazy boring me around when she had such fabulous interesting people to hang out with?) Or after I moved and invited her a few times to come visit, but she told me she couldn’t afford the $100 airfare...right after bragging about her six figure salary and high end shopping sprees. I was her “best friend” when she had nothing better to do. That’s it.

I’m thinking of my cousin, who I barely knew until six years ago when I went to visit that branch of my family. I’d been nervous about finding a way to bond with her (and everyone else), but we hit it off right away and became pretty much inseparable. I thought of her as the sister I’d never had, and she supposedly felt the same way about me. I helped her with her homework, gave her advice on dealing with her family, listened to her cry when her friends treated her badly, encouraged her in everything and tried to build up her confidence. I was always there for her and loved her more than anyone. A couple years ago, I literally flew halfway across the world to surprise her for her birthday after she kept messaging me about how sad and lonely she was, how her friends all abandoned her, and how all she wanted was for me to be there (granted I also went because I needed to get the fuck out of my own situation for a while, but I chose to go see her and was so excited to be reunited with my “sister”). As soon as I got there, it was like she couldn’t get away from me fast enough. My presence annoyed her, even if I was keeping to myself just in her general vicinity. Anytime I walked into a room, she would immediately find any possible excuse to leave. My aunt/her mother had to force her to spend any time with me at all and she hated every second of it. I went back a couple months ago to visit with my dad and it was more of the same only worse. She loved seeing my dad and he was thrilled to see everyone there, and I was jut the red headed stepchild who no one really wanted around. My cousin “loved” me when she had no one else to turn to. Now she’s thrown me aside like a ratty old toy she doesn’t want anymore, because she’s got shiny new toys now so what does she need me for? I’m nothing. I’m trash.

I’m thinking of a hundred other shitty situations of people who “loved” me so much, people who told me I was “part of the family” or whatever else, only to turn their backs on me for no real reason. I’m not perfect by any means, but I’ve always tried to be a good person and a good friend. I forgive people for treating me like shit over and over again. I do whatever I can to be helpful and supportive. And all I get in return, in the end, is essentially a giant “fuck you”.

I’m thinking of my parents who watched me wasting away for the better part of a decade, clearly very ill, who showed not even a shred of concern for me. All they cared about was themselves. Me being fucked in the head (because of their abuse)? That was merely an inconvenience to them, something I needed to “get over” lest I end up in the hospital and cost them money. I’m thinking of how “conversations” with them go. Mom will talk for an hour straight about nothing, without stopping for a breath or letting me get a word in edgewise, and once she’s done and it should be my turn to say something, she’s suddenly very busy and doesn’t have time to listen to even two sentences out of me. Dad lets me speak, he just doesn’t bother to listen. At all. Ever. I’ll tell him something important, he clearly isn’t listening, I’ll call him out and he’ll insist he was listening until I ask him to tell me what I said. Then he laughs like it’s the funniest thing in the world and that I should somehow find it endearing that he thinks I am so unimportant and insignificant that of course he wouldn’t bother to listen to anything I say.

I’m thinking of the job I recently quit, where I worked 100 times better and harder than 99% of the people there (including my superiors). I did my job, I picked up the slack within my department, and I picked up the slack for other departments. I was well aware of where I was, to the point I didn’t expect even a thank you or any gratitude, but I did expect to not be fucked with. But no. Despite constantly working my ass off, I had people treating me like I didn’t deserve a say or opinion in anything. I had one manager who liked to always call me a spoiled little rich girl. Another manager, whose work I ended up doing so much if that I didn’t even have time for my own job at some points, constantly talked shit about me and made repeated threats against me. Another manager who, while I was very clearly working hard and hadn’t stopped for so much as a bathroom break the entire day, accuse me of not doing my job and told me that if I didn’t like it, I should quit. So I did.

Now I’m nearly 30, unemployed, single, no close family or friends, no hope for the future. Anxiety so bad that I can’t even do the simplest things, like get the mail or renew my license or sort out my insurance situation. These are all things I should be able to do easily, but I can’t because they terrify me. Everything terrifies me. So everything is a thousand times harder than it should be because I am always so scared. And because of that, I am always so tired. But you see, I have no right to be tired. Because my anxiety isn’t really a thing and I should just not feel that way anymore.

I posted a while ago that I was on the verge of relapsing, restricting only this time I intend to die. I pumped the brakes on it a little bit because it turns out I have something (small) to look forward to this fall, so figured I might as well stay alive for that. But now all I want is to jump right back in and never look back because I cannot take this anymore. And it’ll take a while to die, but the starvation high tends to kick in pretty quick, and I need it. I need that rush. I need to feel anything other than what I am feeling right now. I need the emptiness, the buzzing, the floating feeling, the disconnect. The manic obsession with numbers— calories, weight. I need it to consume me so that it’s all I can think about, so that I forget everything else as I fall into the abyss.

---

Why do I get so mad when people go on and on about how horrible anorexia is and how bad they feel for anorexic people
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Wed Jun 27 22:21:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ugaq7/why_do_i_get_so_mad_when_people_go_on_and_on/
---
like ik they’re just trying to sympathize but internally I’m always like “shut the fuck up im pretty good actually and don’t need your sympathy”

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[Help] food to avoid passing out?
/u/sleepyboyblue
Created: Wed Jun 27 22:17:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uga0t/food_to_avoid_passing_out/
---
i exercised too much after a fast last night and almost fell out of a tree lmao i wanna avoid that, do any of you guys have a good food to keep on you for an emergency boost thats non-perishable and that ur unlikely to binge on?

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[Rant/Rave] Just a rant
/u/Firerose157
Created: Wed Jun 27 22:03:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ug7fl/just_a_rant/
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Feel like I gained weight from binging (I will not let my fat knees touch again). My dad is getting sicker and having more frequent seizures again. My mom is drinking herself to death worse than ever. My partner hates me and wants better. I'm just getting by and my younger sibiling is blowing money on anything but refuses to help me (theyve never had to work). Feel like Im alone but i hate myself so fuck, lol

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For those of you who tried recovery / are recoverd
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Wed Jun 27 21:59:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ug6o4/for_those_of_you_who_tried_recovery_are_recoverd/
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What are your best tips? I'm trying to get better but everyday I fall in to the same rigid eating style of eating the same thing, counting calories in my head and body checking 24/7

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Food diary app recomendations?
/u/WhiteGardenSpider
Created: Wed Jun 27 21:55:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ug60x/food_diary_app_recomendations/
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I'm looking for an app to help me track my calories instead of writing them down and wasting paper. Can anyone tell me what they use?

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[Help] I need a friend
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Wed Jun 27 21:45:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ug3t1/i_need_a_friend/
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I feel so alone sometimes when something ED relates happens in my life and I can’t laugh about it with people I know. One of my good friends disclosed to me her ED history and it’s soooo hard to not get drunk and talk about these things with her because she’s been doing well recovering (at her own accord).

It wouldn’t necessarily be someone to push me for fasts (I suck at fasting), I just want to talk to someone who understands

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[Help] Anyone familiar with the MapMyWalk app? The calories seem way too high for a 4.88 mile walk
/u/deadly_nightshaade
Created: Wed Jun 27 21:19:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ufxt2/anyone_familiar_with_the_mapmywalk_app_the/
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https://i.redd.it/jrayplpbpn611.png

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Co worker is supper triggering
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Wed Jun 27 21:09:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ufvhr/co_worker_is_supper_triggering/
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My coworker is fat but claims to be multiple sizes smaller than me. I have no idea what I look like and if she's telling the truth or not. Recently she made a remark that she's probably in the 190s at 5'4. She keeps telling me not to get too thin when I'm obviously still over weight. I had some really nice size 14 shorts I asked if she wanted and she held them up to her (looked like they'd fit) and immediately said they would be too big. She says she wears an 8/10. One day I had lunch with my parents and they came into the office and my dad referred to her as the "heavy blonde." I always thought Ive been smaller than her but maybe my mind is fucked up and I actually look bigger than her? That idea is just crushing to me.

She frequently comments on my weight loss and diet and today told me I look great and I dont need to keep starving myself (I eat plenty at work just healthy stuff). Or she tells me I shouldnt lose too much weight and get too thin, as if that is possible in the near future.

I dont know if my views are off or if its hers.

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Anyone know if this MapMyWalk app is accurate? The calories seem a little high.
/u/deadly_nightshaade
Created: Wed Jun 27 21:02:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uftsd/anyone_know_if_this_mapmywalk_app_is_accurate_the/
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https://i.redd.it/p8ou7sj6nn611.png

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Have you ever seen a girl so beautiful you started crying?
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Wed Jun 27 20:58:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ufsuq/have_you_ever_seen_a_girl_so_beautiful_you/
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In a "whoops, I just noticed I'll never be that gorgeous !" way?

I was having a great evening! Low cal, lots of exercise, uni work on day, a bit foggy because of restriction but having a walk with bf anyway. We went out for a stroll and because I need to buy a new journal, and were heading back to my place because I had gotten pretty tired when I saw her.

Guys.

She looked so put together, a little taller than me, def skinnier, with beautiful long glowing pink hair, perfect makeup on an already doll-like face. Her clothes fit so nice on her. And all I could to was stare while she walked past us and remembering how I looked like a bog troll, all messy and gross and pale and fat, how I just wore whatever to go out, no makeup or anything, and I felt so fucking ashamed. My confidence is fucking over, I just wanna starve till I disappear. Thanks for the reality check, universe, I sure was getting too comfortable in my skin.

Anyway, it's been a kinda rough night. Sorry for the ramble.

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Anybody else watch Supersized vs. Superskinny?
/u/PerfctBodyPerfctSoul
Created: Wed Jun 27 20:54:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ufs44/anybody_else_watch_supersized_vs_superskinny/
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It's one of my favorite shows to watch before/after I eat. Love this crazy show. There's one thing that drives me crazy though... The calorie counts! I call bullshit on the "superskinny" calorie counts. Shaming people for eating 1400-1600 calories a day is bullshit. I'm convinced that they fib on the skinny counts to avoid having everybody labeled as having EDs instead of just picky eaters. Anybody else notice this?

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ED girls of this subreddit: do you like equally skinny guys?
/u/r1cecream-
Created: Wed Jun 27 20:44:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ufpi7/ed_girls_of_this_subreddit_do_you_like_equally/
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Just curious. Guys usually know that abs/etc is generally wanted, but are left pretty out to dry on other preferred body types that don't fall into that specific model.

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today was stressful
/u/bananaemoji
Created: Wed Jun 27 20:38:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ufo87/today_was_stressful/
---
https://i.redd.it/h6qvd763kn611.jpg

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[Other] any other Russians here
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Wed Jun 27 20:15:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ufisv/any_other_russians_here/
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I’m from Moscow

I hate the whole “hot skinny Russian girl” stereotype so fucking much oh my god

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[Rant/Rave] The Mindy Project
/u/Mukbangs
Created: Wed Jun 27 20:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ufhld/the_mindy_project/
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I use to love that show years ago, when if first came out. I didn't know there were new seasons, so I been binge watching it on Hulu.

Anyways, I'm watching an episode and there's ton of eating disorder "jokes." I've always appreciated Mindy Khaling, because she advocates self acceptence and talks about body images I'm so confused and hurt that a show she created would be this insesitive...

I usually don't get offended / let these things slide... I'm just hurt that someone I've typically looked up to could be so crude. I tried googling it to see if anyone else has spoken up about it and nothing popped up, resulting in me ranting on here :/.

(The episode is season 5 episode 9 incase anyone was curious)

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i'm physically incapable of not eating socially
/u/pugsaremydrugs
Created: Wed Jun 27 20:00:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uff8k/im_physically_incapable_of_not_eating_socially/
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Usually, I have extremely good control over what I eat (being diabetic for years before becoming anorexic helps), but yesterday, I went to a friend's birthday party and kept snacking uncontrollably.

I don't even know how many calories I ate, but it's definitely well over 1000, and as is, that day I actually ate normally, meaning the sum total of calories for the day was over 2500.

In addition, my friend (also my crush xd) kept commenting that I was eating a lot. To be fair, she probably meant well, since she knows I'm diabetic, but still.

I just feel gross and undisciplined.

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[Tip] Any exercises you want to share??
/u/llmccormickk
Created: Wed Jun 27 20:00:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uff7p/any_exercises_you_want_to_share/
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Can people give me some good exercises to do at home?
I need something that works my abs more than walking, but also isn’t too much movement (like yoga) because I pass out if I have to stand up and bend over a lot. Basically I love crunches/sit ups, but I want a little more variety.
If what you do doesn’t fit this stuff please still share!!

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[Rant/Rave] Desperately need to get back on track (Rant)
/u/blondecaligirl15
Created: Wed Jun 27 19:57:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ufeor/desperately_need_to_get_back_on_track_rant/
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I've been lurking for awhile now and have left a few comments (with a different username) but this is my first post.

I was doing so well. I reached the lowest weight I've been in over 8 years. Down to 111.8 lbs from 148 lbs. I felt amazing and happy and everyone was telling me how good I looked and asked what my "secret" was. Then something happened and I completely went off the deep end. Started eating everything, binge after binge after binge. I can't purge because I'm on Wellbutrin but still did it a few times. I worry that I'm out of control because I've stopped taking medication. I was on Prozac and Adderall and I'm about to stop the Wellbutrin. I still have Phentermine and I'm thinking about trying an EC stack. I really don't want to have to take any medication though but maybe I'll have to.

I keep saying today will be the last day and I'll get back on track tomorrow. I have no idea what I weigh at this point but my clothes are getting tighter and I can see a difference. I already got rid of my bigger clothes so there's no going back. I just want to go back to restricting and being in control. I guess I'm posting this so I can be held accountable. Today is the last day of my binging. I want to fast a few days then start doing OMAD.

It's definitely helped to read everyones posts and comments on here. I know I'm not alone. It's a struggle. But I know I'm strong and I have to keep moving forward. Any thoughts or suggestions on getting back on the wagon would be much appreciated.

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* takes hot bath * I wonder how many calories this burns ? - this is calculated if you spend an hour in a tub slightly over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. Hmmmm
/u/shearosea
Created: Wed Jun 27 19:49:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ufcs7/takes_hot_bath_i_wonder_how_many_calories_this/
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https://i.redd.it/utm7kqj5dn611.jpg

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[Help] Horrible day can someone please help
/u/llmccormickk
Created: Wed Jun 27 19:33:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uf8xb/horrible_day_can_someone_please_help/
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Guys I literally ate a disgusting amount of food. I was doing so well until about 3pm. Before 3, all I had eaten was 1 clif bar (260). Then I decided, since I was being good and studying for my final on Friday, I could have 110 calories of fruit. Then I fucking broke down when I walked past by favorite ice cream place. I got 2 scoops and made a deal with myself that I could eat it only if I walked over the Williamsburg bridge while I did so (I live in nyc). Then while I was walking I put my calories in MyFitnessPal and the ice cream was 1000 CALORIES. I threw it out immediately after almost having a panic attack. I can’t purge because I’m staying with my godmother in a small apartment for the next 3 days. When I got back to the apartment she wanted to take me to dinner 😓. We got Indian food. She made me order bread. I had a spinach potato dish for my main course (brought some of it home). I feel so fucking gross and fat and I can’t purge and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been so bad binging and purging the past few days and I was going to get back on track planning to only eat 500 calories a day for the rest of July but then today set me back so far. And I can’t even do anything about it because I can’t purge !!!!! I walked 9.5 miles today but that literally means nothing to me. MyFitnessPal says I still netted 1300 calories today 🤢🤮

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[Other] MY LIFE IS A LIE
/u/lilqueenheartz
Created: Wed Jun 27 19:22:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uf6bj/my_life_is_a_lie/
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https://i.redd.it/ang2ywut8n611.jpg

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GRRRR JUST BINGED
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Wed Jun 27 19:20:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uf62l/grrrr_just_binged/
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Ugh I usually do one meal a day and I ate it way too early today. I just got so hungry and I couldn’t stop myself. I’m at 2500 calories for the day now, which isn’t horrible honestly, but I was hoping to be 159 on Saturday which probably won’t happen. Maybe I can completely fast tomorrow to even it out to 1250 cals for each day. Well I’m going to at least try. Eek but I took some laxatives and even though I know it won’t get rid of calories I want to get rid of the food weight. My tummy hurts now :(

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[Discussion] Anyone else a burgeoning alcoholic?
/u/TreatmentTime
Created: Wed Jun 27 19:18:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uf5kh/anyone_else_a_burgeoning_alcoholic/
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Life has been a bit stressful of late: I was dropped by my ED therapist for lack of progress, found out my Grandpa has terminal kidney cancer, and have had one of my closest friends on the verge of suicide multiple times in the past week and calling me for support each time.

Since I recently stopped eating breakfast and meal prepping lunch for work, I have a lot more calories available at the end of the day, and I’ve been starting to fill them with alcohol to take the edge off of things. It started out pretty low key, maybe a drink or two every three or four nights, but now I’m getting to four or five units multiple times a week and starting to wonder if I have a problem. I’m not waking up hungover and it’s probably done wonders for how much water I’m drinking, but I can’t help but feel this is the beginning of a slippery slide into yet another MH issue.

Can anyone relate?

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Tomorrow is my birthday. It kind of signifies a few beginning for me- the era of not fucking up anymore
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Wed Jun 27 19:04:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uf26a/tomorrow_is_my_birthday_it_kind_of_signifies_a/
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Like, I don’t really binge a ton when I overeat it’s typically only 3-400 cals over my TDEE. But it mentally upsets me so much when I do that it becomes a cycle. I just want to stop doing that, and I NEED to reach my GW by August 20.

Anyways, I’ve got almost 2 months to go from 119.4 to 105. Wish me luck ❤️

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Can anyone explain the “whoosh” to me?
/u/palestmoonlight666
Created: Wed Jun 27 18:53:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uezb8/can_anyone_explain_the_whoosh_to_me/
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When it happened to you / how long it took / etc.

I’ve been under 500 cals for a week now and I’ve lost about 5lbs. Today was my first day of about 550 cals but I gained 2 back from this morning.

I’m just wondering if I need to restrict more? Eat less sodium? Exercise more? I was feeling and looking so good and now I’m bummed at my puffy face and puffy stomach. Ugh.

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Help me! I want peanut butter so much!
/u/RaineeRose
Created: Wed Jun 27 18:46:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uexjp/help_me_i_want_peanut_butter_so_much/
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Someone talk me down. I should never have bought peanut butter. It's been sitting in the cupboard mocking me. Maybe I should just throw it out. :( I hate this. I keep looking in the mirror, and all I see is fat, so obviously, I can't eat, but all I can think about is food (especially peanut butter—and cheese. Oh, I love cheese!). Why can't I just be normal???

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To eat or not to eat
/u/Lexi-Lynn
Created: Wed Jun 27 18:44:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uex7s/to_eat_or_not_to_eat/
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I feel so torn.

The crazy part of me that loves food and wants to constantly be shoving it in my mouth wants to eat.

The sick part of me that hates food and my body wants to continue to not eat. I've made it about 29 hours and am not physically hungry yet, so why not keep going?

And then the normal-ish part of me that knows I need to at least try to be healthy is trying to convince the rest of myself to just fucking eat.

My lunch break is in 15 minutes. I keep going back and forth on this shit. It's frustrating to devote so much mental energy to this ridiculousness.

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I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Wed Jun 27 18:44:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uex4o/i_dont_even_know_what_im_doing_anymore/
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[Other] MFP error
/u/_i_am_thrown_away_
Created: Wed Jun 27 18:28:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uetb3/mfp_error/
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https://i.redd.it/vgfn68g8zm611.jpg

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[Goal] Back to low intake
/u/BadTransfiguration
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:52:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uel3r/back_to_low_intake/
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Just got back to being able to have below 1200 cal a day ! fully "recovered" for a while not too long ago & gained a ton of weight back. i couldn't take it anymore. i had below 1000 for a few days but im travelling right now and eating below 1000 when in airports / planes is so weirdly hard for me but. i haven't had above 1200 in over a week! doesn't seem like a bit accomplishment but it is to me :)

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Please tell me what filling low calorie snacks you eat that are low prep!
/u/alexhjones95
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:50:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ueklr/please_tell_me_what_filling_low_calorie_snacks/
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Title says all. I want stuff that's easy but will keep me full for a couple hours. :)

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[Help] Relationship problems and ED
/u/gnatthebunny
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:43:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uej1b/relationship_problems_and_ed/
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So, I'm getting in pretty deep with my ED and it's causing a shit load of problems in my relationship. I don't really know where I'm going with this but I've got to get it out there.

I'm losing weight pretty rapidly and it feels like calories and dropping pounds are the only subjects I can talk about. It just comes out like word vomit and I can't help myself. I used to be a pretty interesting person and now I'm just boring and tired all the time. Restriction is making me super irritable and intellectually useless, and my fiance and I are just drifting further and further apart. I don't know what to do.

I've tried speaking to him about my disorder but he just doesn't get it because I'm not thin enough to look sick. He cheers me on if I show him I'm at 500 or fasting or whatever for the day. I just want him to care about my well-being and love me again like he used to. I guess I'm just unlovable now. That's not very cute combined with being the size of a fucking house. I just want to disappear. :(

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Fighting a binge
/u/Thunder2WonderThighs
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:39:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uei1h/fighting_a_binge/
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Youre the only ones I can turn to, I'm really struggling right now. I've lost 8lbs in two weeks but just had 2 drinks at a work happy hour and the urge to binge is so fucking strong I don't know if I can beat it. I don't want to do it, I'm fighting it so hard, but another voice is like just eat maintenance today it'll be ok. Help me

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Just need someone to tell me that it's going to be ok.
/u/Atsugaruru
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:38:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uehnt/just_need_someone_to_tell_me_that_its_going_to_be/
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I've ate a little over my TDEE yesterday, and I'm over my TDEE again today but I think I'm going to order binge food. I don't know, I just feel bad and this is the only way I can feel better, even if it's just for a few seconds.

The scale hasn't budged in 3 weeks. I want to cry. I've been hard restricting most days to the point where I feel faint and can't sleep at night, but on my binge days I eat enough so that my weekly calories keep me at maintenance. I feel so hopeless, you guys. I tried to attempt suicide a week ago. I just need someone to give me a hug and to tell me that it'll be ok and everything will work out in the end and that my weight doesn't define me :(

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I really appreciated the responses to safe foods (can I say this is the first sub i really feel like i belong?). Can we list our biggest fear foods?
/u/myworkhandle
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:31:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ueg3i/i_really_appreciated_the_responses_to_safe_foods/
---
Omg, mine is DEFINITELY noodles in any way shape or form. No matter the context, l KNOW they will be coming back up in no time. Weird because I love bread, but noodles.... something about them.

---

[Help] Can I do an EC stack the same day as adderall?
/u/kelps-
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:21:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uedpl/can_i_do_an_ec_stack_the_same_day_as_adderall/
---
I took a 15mg IR adderall about an hour ago. I am now out of addy until next week..is it okay to take an EC stack later to suppress my appetite longer and for another boost? I don’t really want to crash in the middle of the day.

does anyone have any experience of taking bronkaid and adderall together or on the same day? thank you for any advice:)

---

New 0 Calorie soda flavored seltzer waters are a LIFESAVER!
/u/tame_impalian
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:17:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uecin/new_0_calorie_soda_flavored_seltzer_waters_are_a/
---
https://i.redd.it/5gagww3jmm611.jpg

---

[Help] Can I take bronkaid the same day as adderall?
/u/kelps-
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:16:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uec96/can_i_take_bronkaid_the_same_day_as_adderall/
---
I took a 15mg IR adderall about an hour ago. I am now out of addy until next week..is it okay to take an EC stack later to suppress my appetite longer and for another boost? I don’t really want to crash in the middle of the day.

does anyone have any experience of taking bronkaid and adderall together or on the same day? thank you for any advice:)

---

[Discussion] At some point does your appetite just vanish?
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:15:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uec6r/at_some_point_does_your_appetite_just_vanish/
---
I've been restricting a lot this past week and there came a point in time where, if I wasn't watched by family, I could go fast without feeling hunger, or at least ignore it effortlessly. Its kind of euphoric actually.

---

Greetings 💕
/u/jayyympa
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:10:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ueat7/greetings/
---
Hello everybody! Long time lurker, first time poster, since I've finally gotten the courage to make an alt account! Feels good to finally be able to say hello to you all.

---

[Rant/Rave] im upset by how my view of an "ideal" body type has changed so much
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:07:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ue9zx/im_upset_by_how_my_view_of_an_ideal_body_type_has/
---
initially i viewed average thin bodies as ideal.

then i started seeing the typical instagram fit body as ideal.

then it changed to very lean/dancer types.

...now its essentially an emaciated body.

whats wrong with me. i hope i can snap out of this screwed up mindset some day.

---

My Throat Hurts like Hell
/u/bpdix
Created: Wed Jun 27 17:04:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ue954/my_throat_hurts_like_hell/
---
my throat hurts so bad bc of a bug, it feels like that acid feeling after throwing up but it never goes away, i cant take cough drops though because 1 cough drop is 15 cal, feelsbadman ill just keep drinking water and tea :')

---

a lot of pain from stretching?
/u/arabella_05
Created: Wed Jun 27 16:19:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8udxm8/a_lot_of_pain_from_stretching/
---
so i like to do some yoga and stretches and shit just bc i can't exercise without literally fainting while 'strict' restricting and lately i feel like my muscles hurt so much consistently but i'm not even working myself hard ?? is it bc of the restriction or am i just a slob? and how can i fix it without upping my calories?

---

[Help] Thoughts on Xiaomi Mi Smart Digital Scale?
/u/lightfeathers
Created: Wed Jun 27 15:49:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8udpmt/thoughts_on_xiaomi_mi_smart_digital_scale/
---
Realized that my current scale isn't that accurate anyone so I decided to get a new one. Do any of you have this scale? What are your thoughts on it? Is it accurate?

---

[Rant/Rave] Sitting out in the rain smoking being emo and thinking
/u/edthrowaway77
Created: Wed Jun 27 15:43:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8udntw/sitting_out_in_the_rain_smoking_being_emo_and/
---
We’ll I got home from treatment on Thursday to find my parents not on speaking terms and my dad and sister also not speaking which means I’m back to being stuck in the middle and feeling like I have to be everything for everyone. Part of me is hurt that they couldn’t even put on a good face for my first few days home after 4 months of intensive treatment but it is what it is.

My relapse urges are really high for a lot of reasons and I have been restricting a bit (I’m down 4 exchanges total so far) and so much of me just wants to go back to being sick because it makes life so much easier and takes the pressure off.

I gained 30 fucking pounds I didn’t want to gain to make them happy and they won’t even talk to me each other for me

---

[Help] Is it Possible for my Doctor to Send Me to Treatment???
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Wed Jun 27 15:36:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8udlyu/is_it_possible_for_my_doctor_to_send_me_to/
---
Sorry i'm posting a lot today. Background: I am a 24 year old female. I'm on birth control and other psych meds; I have to go for my yearly exam in less than a month...

Last year I was weighed at the doctor. I was at 106lbs. I am now, a year later, at 90lbs. I haven't seen my doctor since then. I am F R E A K I N G the fuck out. I'm convinced she (or the nurse) will make a comment about my weight loss. Here's the thing. I don't want to seek recovery at this time. I have a known history of suicidal thoughts, major depression, and anxiety. She is also my OBGYN who prescribes me birth control. I'm pretty sure at my bmi I wouldn't even be getting a period if I wasn't on the pill.

Ok. So, what do I do?? I don't want my doctor to think I'm very sick (i know I am sick) Anderson send me away??? Can she even do this since I'm an adult? I live in the states (Michigan) if it matters. I dont want to try to gain weight just for this stupid appointment. I know they have to weigh me. Even if I wear bulky clothes it wont add enough weight to make a difference....

---

[Intro] Out of the Bingeing Pan and Into the Something-Else Fire: An Introduction and Admission
/u/FallenLeafOnTheWind
Created: Wed Jun 27 15:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8udlns/out_of_the_bingeing_pan_and_into_the/
---
**Relevent backstory**: two years ago I went through two extremely traumatic events in rapid succession and was treated by a psychologist. A few months later, some switch flipped in my head out of nowhere and I developed a bingeing problem. I managed to "shake it" last May, 40 pounds heavier that when I began. After that, I began trying to count calories to lose weight and get healthy again, but had been steadily failing; while I no longer binged, I still had zero self-control and could never seem to feel full (possibly a side-effect of my depression meds, I recently learned) so I always hit 2000-2500 calories regardless of my attempts to regulate.

**Now:** I was finally officially diagnosed with ADHD a little over a month ago and put on Vyvanse (which is apparently also used to treat bingeing disorders) and holy mackerel, it's amazing to finally be mostly in control of my thoughts and be able to focus. The Vyvanse, however, utterly obliterated my appetite to the point that I suddenly found myself forgetting breakfast, lunch, and only remembering dinner when I felt a little "off" or shaky. I think some wonky switch in my head must've flipped again, because now I find myself obsessing over every single calorie (so glad my MyFitnessPal is private) and straight-up avoiding food like the plague.

I don't crave any sort of food anymore, and almost never feel hungry; usually the only symptom that I should eat something is I start to feel a bit lightheaded or shaky, so I down 200-300 calories of meat or peanut butter to make that go away, drink a lot of water, and call it done. I know I need *some* sort of sustenance each day or I'll probably faint, but I try to go as long as I can and eat only enough to ward off the shakes.

But when I do feel the little stabs of an empty stomach (like now, for instance), I *enjoy* the feeling. It gives me this strange feeling of accomplishment, when objectively I know that the only thing I'm accomplishing is probably starvation mode. Even as I type this, I intellectually know that I need to eat something soon, but that smug little voice in my head tells me that I can hold off another hour or so.

I feel like this is probably something I should go back to my psychologist about, but honestly...I've dropped 11 pounds since my ADHD diagnosis. I've never seen this kind of progress before. Ever. No matter how hard I tried. I've always been "that fat girl" who "could be really pretty if she lost weight" and *I know* that this will probably come back to bite me in my shrinking ass, but the results are addictive.

I don't know what the purpose of this post was; I guess I just needed to "put it out there" and admit that I do have a problem, though I don't know its name.

---

I will always take up too much space
/u/SqueegeeOujia
Created: Wed Jun 27 15:21:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8udhk9/i_will_always_take_up_too_much_space/
---
So I made an account so I could post here separately since some of my friends figured out my username and I didn’t want anyone to see that I was commenting here. I’m already seen as the damaged friend who’s always going through things and I just don’t want to add fuel to the fire I guess. Anyway.

I feel like I will always take up too much space, no matter how much I weigh. I have always felt extremely uncomfortable in my own body. Even though some people made comments that reaffirmed my beliefs about my body throughout my life, I don’t remember a time that I ever didn’t feel fat. At my lowest weight when I was restricting heavily and fasting days at a time, looked decent in some things and felt like I wasn’t a whale at least, I still felt huge. It’s almost like I’m always wearing a fluffy mask, heavy coat, and ski pants, even naked.

I hate showering/bathing because I can’t stand to see or feel my body. I’m only comfortable in dark leggings that are a little baggy and a loose sweater or sweatshirt. I don’t even care that they might make me look even heavier. I don’t care about flattering my shape or whatever. I have to cover it up and hide it. Sometimes I feel sick if I think about my body too much.

This is really becoming a struggle in therapy as I’m learning to understand that I can’t ignore my body if I want to heal from past traumas and maybe work on the self hate to at least eliminate/greatly reduce suicidal ideation. I just can’t figure out how I dig out of this or if it’s even worth digging out. If I try to love my piece of shit fat garbage body, it means I accept what I am, which is massive.

Even outside of body image, I feel like I’m too big in some other way that I can’t explain very well. When I talk, it feels like I’m always inappropriately loud and obnoxious. My laughter is like a disgusting cackling witch. My facial expressions are out of control and make me look even uglier than I am. I never feel like I belong anywhere. When I’m confident and I do something I love like speak to a group or something, I cringe shortly afterward because I imagine myself stomping around disgustingly like some kind of monster. It makes me want to scream and scrape off my skin and die.

I don’t know why I felt like I needed to post this. I’m just wondering if anyone else feels like their body image is so uncalibrated that it feels inescapable no matter what. I feel hopeless and like I’ll always be chasing a lower number on the scale, less fat at all costs, a quieter and calmer me that basically amounts to silence/non existence, constant guilt until I’m not alive basically. I don’t want to live this way but I don’t see an escape. I’m so tired of myself. I just wish I could climb out of this body.

---

[Rant/Rave] Can't Bring Myself to Eat Unsafe Foods
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Wed Jun 27 15:11:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uderr/cant_bring_myself_to_eat_unsafe_foods/
---
I hit the lowest weight of my adult life recently and I cannot bring myself to eat anything I don't know the EXACT amount of calories in. If I do, I just can't take the guilt.

Today at the restaurant I work at, a coworker (she's really really sweet and I love her to bits) made me a salad and a coffee. She just did it to be kind but I can't bring myself to have them. The salad is seriously DROWNING in a cream based dressing with fried croutons and a lot of cheese. The coffee is mostly hazelnut creamer and sugar. ):

I feel like an idiot because I cant eat these things and she just did it to be nice. I kept thanking her but idk what to do i'm freaking out.

---

I am almost back to where I was at the start. What do your weight graphs look like?
/u/FlipFlopFlyingForth
Created: Wed Jun 27 15:10:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8udej7/i_am_almost_back_to_where_i_was_at_the_start_what/
---
I don't think I can be truly happy with myself unless I am counting calories and being very strict with myself.

I have stopped tracking closely for a few years, with hopes of maintaining, and I am failing miserably. I feel like a monster. Looking at old pictures of myself, I can't forgive myself for losing what I had acheived so quickly.

I did it before. Surely I can do it again...

[This](http://i.imgur.com/MHy8zyI.jpg) is my weight graph over the past 3 years. Just end me.

---

I am watching Eugenia
/u/Bustakrimes91
Created: Wed Jun 27 15:03:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8udcl2/i_am_watching_eugenia/
---
And purging at the same time and feeling like the fattest bitch in the world.

Chips and 2 battered sausage and cheese AND curry sauce. I can't stop myself I'm such a pig right now. Honestly don't know wtf my problem is. Please tell me you guys go through this too.

---

[Help] Binging hard, need help
/u/imayimight
Created: Wed Jun 27 14:58:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8udb4j/binging_hard_need_help/
---
I’m still pretty new to this sub, and it’s been helping me a lot to feel like I’m not isolated. Today is hard. I ate 400 cals this morning of fast food. And then I purged. What’s worse is I so badly want to go to another fast food place and get more food. Like tacos, chips, cinnamon twists, you know the place. I’m scared I’m going to go get more and then if I do, I’ll purge after... please talk me down from this. Everyone in this sub is so awesome, thank you for creating a great community for those of us that are totally lost and stuck.

---

Tell me what I need to fix? (:
/u/Macajo1997
Created: Wed Jun 27 14:49:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ud89y/tell_me_what_i_need_to_fix/
---
This photo ruined my day. Tell me what's wrong with it ?

https://imgur.com/gallery/xrtCWZW

---

Food?
/u/gerty19
Created: Wed Jun 27 14:33:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ud3ry/food/
---
I really wish I could find a food I liked and wouldn't get tired of eating that didn't hold so many calories and wasn't unhealthy. All the foods I like are fattening and gross. When I do eat, I'm eating literal crap and I hate it. Any suggestions?

---

[Discussion] DAE feel jealous of the people around them?
/u/UsualLetter
Created: Wed Jun 27 14:11:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ucx84/dae_feel_jealous_of_the_people_around_them/
---
Theres this girl at my school, and i’m okay friends with her. But she’s beautiful. Ive known her since kindergarten and we both were a little chunky in elementary school, but she started to lose lots of weight in middle school. Now in highschool, she’s probably one of the thinnest people in our grade. Im so jealous of her. Seeing her post on instagram selfies are literally triggering for me but I kind of love it. Every time I see her i HAVE to workout or fast. Does anyone else have anyone like this for them?

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else “feel” hunger in their throat?
/u/mint_fawn
Created: Wed Jun 27 14:06:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ucvum/does_anyone_else_feel_hunger_in_their_throat/
---
Recently, I’ve started to actively think about what type of hunger I’m experiencing in the moment I want to eat eat eat eat eat.

The most common hunger I feel before a binge is in my throat?

It’s definitely not true hunger pangs. I just really want the feeling of chewing and swallowing something, endlessly.

Is this what everyone else experiences when they say they get cravings?

---

And....... Back to the same old grind.
/u/skinnypod
Created: Wed Jun 27 14:01:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ucufa/and_back_to_the_same_old_grind/
---
I had deleted MFP, going to the gym regularly but not excessively, eating "when I felt hungry" etc etc. I felt free (ish) and I've been getting over my break up and meeting new people.

And after a month I've gained 8 pounds.

So re install, more cardio, more control. Fuck it.

I honestly think I'd rather be miserable and thin than happy and chubby. Fuck it all.

---

[Other] Stix
/u/imayimight
Created: Wed Jun 27 13:51:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ucrfc/stix/
---
https://i.imgur.com/dHztfvR.jpg

---

Stix
/u/imayimight
Created: Wed Jun 27 13:50:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ucr9d/stix/
---
https://i.imgur.com/dHztfvR.jpg

---

Cool study shows possible link between food choices and neurobiology
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf
Created: Wed Jun 27 13:43:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ucp6z/cool_study_shows_possible_link_between_food/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] For those of you in treatment for a long time...
/u/bmalaur
Created: Wed Jun 27 13:40:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uco7k/for_those_of_you_in_treatment_for_a_long_time/
---
I've been in various treatment programs for over ten years now. I've managed to be somewhat recovered for some periods of that time but here I am relapsing again.

I've now been in a DBT outpatient clinic for almost a year and it's been helpful with emotional regulation and things like that, but I still can't seem to stop the eating issues. I really do intellectually know what's happening, why I'm doing this, how exposure therapy works, etc. I've done it all now. Inpatient, outpatient, individual. Meds. DBT. CBT. Exposure therapy.

My life is even in a better place. I'm not depressed. I have agency and control, a home of my own, a job that I'm happy with. I know that I'm not overweight.

And still I can't bring myself to "just stop"

I want to quit therapy since it seems like I've gotten all there is out of it. I don't know what else my therapist can do or tell me that I don't already know at this point.

I feel really doomed to a life of suffering from this, and I can't even figure out why I still feel so fucking attached to this behavior that serves no real purpose other than causing me more pain.

What do you do when there's nothing left to do

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[Help] Was getting close to my gw but then I had a wild weekend and now I’m back to whale status
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Wed Jun 27 13:38:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ucnk7/was_getting_close_to_my_gw_but_then_i_had_a_wild/
---
It can’t be possible to gain 3 kilos in two days right? If it was I’d be able to lose 3 just as quickly. Could it also be my period?

---

[Help] how the fuck have a gained a kilo in a week please fucking help me??
/u/acosed
Created: Wed Jun 27 13:30:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ucl95/how_the_fuck_have_a_gained_a_kilo_in_a_week/
---
so im in ~recovery~ kind of now.
ive stopped tracking but i track mentally and i swear ive barely gone above maintenance for the past week (but ive eaten more than the <500kcal i had been eating) and ive gained just over a fucking kilo in a week
im not even eating normally. im living off of poptarts and cereal. how can i ever fucking eat normally if i gain on this
i want to fuxking cry please help me

---

Did your family have or instill 'good' eating habits?
/u/7x-2x
Created: Wed Jun 27 13:19:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uci3u/did_your_family_have_or_instill_good_eating_habits/
---
I'm curious. The more I think about it, the more I think my family (my mom really) didn't have good eating habits.

Up until I was about 12 my family did the whole sitting-down-together-for-dinner thing, and that was always a fairly balanced meal. There was always a protein, a starch, and vegetables.

But outside of dinner time my eating habits were fairly abysmal. I had waffles for breakfast every day, and three or four cans of (regular) coke EVERY DAY (this was before restricting was something I ever thought about). Amazingly I always stayed at a healthy bmi, but that was because I didn't eat any lunch.

When I look back on it at least 50% of my calories came from coke from when I was 9 or 10 to 12, and idk... I think I just never learned how you're supposed to eat normally, I guess? Because I never really did, even before my ed became a thing?

Anyways, I'm curious if you guys had 'normal' eating habits before your eds started.

---

[Discussion] DAE not count all of their drink calories?
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Wed Jun 27 13:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ucg4y/dae_not_count_all_of_their_drink_calories/
---
I don't know if I would consider lemonade a "safe food" (safe drink?) but I don't really count my drink calories and I was wondering if anyone else did this.

I always drink Coke Zero/Diet Coke, but when I'm getting coffee I don't account for my creamer or almond milk, I'm currently drinking Trader Joe's limeade without a semblance of guilt, and I drank a hibiscus lemonade last night without a second thought.

If someone at a restaurant fucks up and gives me regular Coke, I'll freak out. If I eat 3 calories over budget, I'll freak out. But for some reason drinks and juices don't put me over the edge.

I don't indulge in lemonade often, only every now and then at restaurants, and this is the first time a non-Coke Zero has been in my fridge in *months*, but I just can't bring myself to feel bad about it. Even though I know most of these drinks are full of sugars and calories.

Any one else?

---

Doctor number 6
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Wed Jun 27 13:02:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uccyv/doctor_number_6/
---
Saw my sixth doctor today. You'd think it was awful but he essentially admitted to there being nothing for people who are underweight but not enough.

He was actually brilliant. Blunt about things - saying my knees ache when I run because I've ruined the bone, he can tell I'm under-eating just by my hair, I look like I have no energy, etc. He told me I am ALLOWED and ENCOURAGED to run (but only short distances right now) because it might trigger me to fuel my body (which I know it does, but i haven't been able to run in a while); he told me not to bother coming back because there was nothing anyone could do, and said it was not ideal for me to attempt recovering alone but there was no option.

To summarise: the gp was realistic; this is a comfort and I'm NOT going to die or even be like this forever. TIME TO RUN AGAIN !!!

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Goodwills and Hospital Bills
/u/SpazzyAzzy
Created: Wed Jun 27 12:59:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ucc4f/rantrave_goodwills_and_hospital_bills/
---
Well good things and bad things... Kinda long.


Good thing: I went to Goodwill for some clothes because my old stuff just hangs off me. I didn't have time to try anything on as it was 30 til closing time, so I grabbed two pairs of shorts (3, was hoping for goal shorts and 5, which I knew would probably fit) two pants (5, 4 which I was hoping to fit) and a 2 small tops, 2 small dresses, and a sweater.


The shirts look nice on me, one of the dresses was a little tight and the other will need the straps adjusted so the top won't sit so loose on me.


But the bottoms I got. Fucking vanity sizing. Those 3s are looser than the fives! The 5s are a little loose on the shorts, and I can work the pants as some low-slung-below-hipbones pants I guess. The 3s are made by Union Bay. But the 4s are perfect on me. They're American Eagle stretch skinny jeans and are even a little loose on the band. 😄 About 6 months ago I was tight in 7/8s. I don't like to spend money on clothes but I saved up $50 in tip money (barista) because my clothes were sliding off.


And the Bad: this late spring I noticed a lump in my breast, so I went to the doctor. Got an ultrasound on it, they said doesn't look dangerous. Got the bill today and after insurance it was over $500. Been struggling financially, so this is big, had to break into savings for it, because I just didn't have the money right now. I know they have a payment thing you can do, but I didn't want to have to deal with any more recurring payments than I already have. When I saw the bill I had a little bit of a break down. 😢

So that's my life right now. Been plateauing at 98ish for a week because of a few big calorie days... And that's my own damned fault. Trying not to stress eat. 🙃

End vent.

---

Bruises below my ribs
/u/HurlyGirly
Created: Wed Jun 27 12:43:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uc7fj/bruises_below_my_ribs/
---
I've had a difficult week with a family reunion. In the months leading up to the reunion, I've had episodes of purging, broken only by fasting. This week with family has been wall-to-wall eating and unspoken conflicts, so I've retreated to my friend's house and thrown up every night, sometimes hours after eating, so it was really forceful, violent, difficult purging. Yesterday morning I noticed the bruising and varicose veins, just below my ribs, from vomiting. There's no other explanation. I was minimizing what I was doing until I saw the bruises. I'm horrified and embarrassed. Like, I can't even tell my two friends who have both suffered ED in the past. I usually tell them everything but this is bad. I go home in 2 days. No more family until the Christmas holidays. And I'll be able to fast for the first two weeks of July and break the need to binge. Unless I fall back into anorexia. Fuck fuck fuck.

---

[Rant/Rave] Taking my old body for granted
/u/feellikegucci
Created: Wed Jun 27 12:28:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uc2sq/taking_my_old_body_for_granted/
---
I'm soooooo pissed right now. So, I have had my ed for a couple of years, but my latest binge phase has made me reach my highest weight ever. Now I'm just looking through old photos of me, when I was around my lowest and I'm just wondering WHY did I think I was fat back then?? I wasn't! I'm fat NOW!! If I knew back then I would get this fat I would never take my old body for granted and hate/mistreat it like I did.

TLDR: I used to think I was fat but now that I'm actually fat I am angry at myself, can anyone relate?

---

[Discussion] Does anyone get stuck on long-term food obsessions?
/u/dortuh
Created: Wed Jun 27 12:26:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uc26f/does_anyone_get_stuck_on_longterm_food_obsessions/
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I've been doing this my whole life and it's been pretty whatever to me, but lately it's been bothering me cause I know it causes me deficiencies.

I will get stuck only wanting to eat one thing. When I was little, it was artichokes for a long time. My mom would struggle to make me eat other things for actual sustenance. For a while I'd only eat mayonnaise sandwiches (I know, gross)
I once ate nothing but Lara bars for two weeks. Sometimes I will want french fries and only french fries, and eat them a couple times a day.

I'm also picky and won't try things until I'm ready, and I refused to try a burrito until I was 21. And then tried tacos a couple years later (same thing, I know) but since I started eating tacos, I've ONLY wanted tacos and burritos, every day, for the past two years. It's finally starting to bother me. Everyone else is extremely weirded out, but that's nothing new to me.
Place doesn't have tacos? Taco salad!
I'm addicted. Here and there I can get on a different kick, but I keep going back to tacos. I thought I would be over it by now but it's still the only thing I want.

Does anyone do this and know how to mentally get out of it?

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Achievement Unlocked: Crop top in public.
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Wed Jun 27 12:12:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ubxss/achievement_unlocked_crop_top_in_public/
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I did it. I wore my first crop top in public. Of course I'm choosing a day coming off fasting and I was barely in public and my shorts were more high waisted but still. If people find my body just as disgusting and gross as I do; well fuck them. I'm just at that point in my life, I'm going to restrict and wear what I want to for once. Fuck all the creepy men who have assaulted me. It's weird how I feel in control. Thanks for reading (if anyone did).

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i fucked up so bad
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Wed Jun 27 12:00:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ubtpy/i_fucked_up_so_bad/
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i couldn't resist that fucking ice cream or candy

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Parents are getting pizza
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Wed Jun 27 11:58:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ubt2n/parents_are_getting_pizza/
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I go on holiday in a week and I’ve been trying SO HARD to be good and restrict. Been doing good today and was on plan and then my parents announce they’re getting pizza :( there’s half a pizza for me that can’t be ignored… I guess that means tomorrow will be a binge day with pizza for breakfast rip. I feel so sad bc I’ve been wanting to get pizza with my parents for ages… why today :(

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[Discussion] Is anyone else really confused about photos of yourself before you had an ED?
/u/coconutfi
Created: Wed Jun 27 11:35:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ubm3w/is_anyone_else_really_confused_about_photos_of/
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I was called "naturally thin" growing up, so I was just confident that I was skinny and didn't care what I ate. But now looking back, after developing an ED that made me skinnier than I was then, I think I looked horrible.

It's so sad because I was so happy and confident of my body back then, but now I don't like it because of my disordered viewpoint.

Also sad: it took me a minute to look at my body objectively in the old photos. When I first looked at them I didn't think I looked bad because I was thinking of the happy memories. But then I started looking at every body part and was like omg no.

SAD

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[Intro] New here, old to EDs.
/u/mrmeeseeks8
Created: Wed Jun 27 11:26:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ubjbn/new_here_old_to_eds/
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Hey all, just found this sub. I’ve been struggling with my eating disorder for around 10 years now, I’ve gone through years of near recovery and years of b/p, years of restricting and binging, it’s all over the place. I’m back to restricting and I can feel myself wanting to purge but I’m really trying to stop my body from doing that, if anyone has any tips on how to stop from feeling sick after eating that would be great! Just looking for some support here because other people don’t get it. So hi everyone!

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Jellyfish is my new favourite safe food 😍😋
/u/cum-here-honey
Created: Wed Jun 27 11:26:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ubj4q/jellyfish_is_my_new_favourite_safe_food/
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I recently found a bag of jellyfish from my local Asian supermarket and I am so in love!! It's a really big bag of 170g for only 14 calories. I can eat two of those and feel full for agees, it's amazing 😍😍

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[Other] ED & IQ
/u/ngs644
Created: Wed Jun 27 11:25:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ubix7/ed_iq/
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Hey all,

This group is awesome. Everyone is so supportive and thoughtful, and the level of openness and honesty maintained here is special. You're all so... smart. Seriously, the emotional intelligence alone is impressive and unique compared to the rest of reddit.

I see discussions where people are carefully listening to each other's stories and responding delicately, without making assumptions. The dark, morbid, hilarious sense of humor... We understand each other with surprisingly few words exchanged sometimes. You remind me of my smarter-than-average friends.

So, I was curious. When you search "IQ and eating disorders," there's a few studies that have shown that high-risk children and ED-diagnosed people tend to have higher IQs.

It's just a correlation... I haven't found much as far as any explanation of the link or its significance beyond sort of being a bit of trivia. It matters little to us as a community and zero to us as individuals. IQ is a totally overvalued metric. It doesn't even begin to come close to painting a picture of a personality. But, hey.. "fun fact" I guess??

And... I have no conclusion.

tldr: if you have an ED, you're likely to have a higher IQ. It means nothing, doesn't help us suffer less.

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Hunger Pains
/u/gerty19
Created: Wed Jun 27 11:15:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ubfo1/hunger_pains/
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When I fast and I get super hungry, I always watch those Tasty Buzzfeed videos of them making food and it always works. Not sure if that's weird or not. What else can I look up to get rid of my hunger pains? I've literally watched every single video on their Facebook page...

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Goals
/u/patjetski
Created: Wed Jun 27 10:57:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uba27/goals/
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https://i.redd.it/581k7bxuqk611.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave]
/u/HellAbove
Created: Wed Jun 27 10:56:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ub9tb/rantrave/
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So last week I was 147 lbs and I was excited for reaching the 140’s. But the next couple of days have been binge eating + going to good bye parties. Today I stepped on the scale and I weigh 159.5 lbs........I can’t stop freaking out about it. So in order to avoid food and renew myself I’m getting my tongue pierced today so I won’t be able to eat food for the next week. It is a cute piercing! But it’ll be a pain in the ass to eat while it’s healing.
I just feel really dumb because I’m going to get my tongue pierced just so I can have an excuse to fast for a week...

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Discord Server?
/u/ObservingSilence
Created: Wed Jun 27 10:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ub8py/discord_server/
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Is there a discord for this group?

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What is non-disordered eating?
/u/mewalrus2
Created: Wed Jun 27 10:51:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ub8a8/what_is_nondisordered_eating/
---
That said it all...

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[Discussion] I haven't felt hunger in a while
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Wed Jun 27 10:07:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uauje/i_havent_felt_hunger_in_a_while/
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I guess I've ignored my hunger signals so much that they just... stopped. I like it. Now I'm not at the mercy of my stomach in terms of my eating schedule, but rather of my body. Hunger pains can be deceiving, but I know I need to eat when I'm feeling weak or faint or dizzy.

Anyone else? What do you think of it?

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I love cherries but I hate cherries
/u/birdsbirdsbirds339
Created: Wed Jun 27 09:36:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ualcr/i_love_cherries_but_i_hate_cherries/
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y'all it's cherry season in BC and i've been gorging on them. They're magically delicious but MAN do they make me gassy and bloated

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[Discussion] DAE feel like they fail at their ED?
/u/legalshroomz
Created: Wed Jun 27 09:33:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uaki6/dae_feel_like_they_fail_at_their_ed/
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i cant even admit i have one to other people. like even if its someone i know cares about me i still have a hard time... its like i know they must be looking at me like "youre fine" because im no where close to skeletal. it honestly makes me feel even worse because it controls my fucking life but i have literally nothing to show for it. like the other day my bf said i looked healthy and it honestly triggered me so hard like im like no im literally just fat. i feel like i don't even belong as a part of the proED community even tho i literally have a diagnosis because i cant fast for 5 days and just drink tea and no matter what i do im always falling back into binging and just getting fatter and hating myself more.

anyone else feel like even tho they obviously have an ED that theyre embarrassed to admit it because they dont look the part??

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Losing fast!!!!
/u/Lsme3
Created: Wed Jun 27 09:29:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8uajgb/losing_fast/
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Losing 2lbs a day!!! I'm getting so close to my GW of 100lbs!

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[Discussion] DAE get extremely bloated from smoking and carbonated drinks?
/u/originalRedBull
Created: Wed Jun 27 08:54:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ua91l/dae_get_extremely_bloated_from_smoking_and/
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I don’t know if it’s just me, but if I’m having a good day and not eating, and then smoke or have any kind of carbonated drink on an empty stomach...my god. I legitimately look pregnant. And it KILLS me because I feel disgusting despite having a good day with calories. Anyone else have something similar happen?

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[Discussion] How much do you lose daily?
/u/catherinethegreat-
Created: Wed Jun 27 08:48:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ua7jm/how_much_do_you_lose_daily/
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Around how much weight do you guys lose daily, fasting or restricting?

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[Rant/Rave] stopped binging, still not losing!
/u/takayl
Created: Wed Jun 27 08:42:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ua5rc/stopped_binging_still_not_losing/
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Lol every binge eating recovery book/post/whatever is like when you stop the binges all the weight you gained will just fall off :) :) :) can’t fucking relate because i’ve stopped binging (only binged 2-3 times since May) but am still fucking stuck at my HW and have only lost when i’ve been medium restricting (like under 1000 + 2 hours cardio) or fucking fasting (and then it all comes back when i start eating moderately normally!!) i know calories are a law of physics and my body doesn’t defy cico but how the fuck does this happen

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[Rant/Rave] had a breakup & was only sad for 18 hrs
/u/llatae
Created: Wed Jun 27 08:34:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ua3gb/had_a_breakup_was_only_sad_for_18_hrs/
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a preface:

i met my ex-bestfriend from tinder a year ago and we started seeing each other. he graduated from an ivy league school and is extremely elitist to the extent he prides himself about it. he was nice at first. but then things went downhill. he made me feel stupid because he knows im not as smart as he or his peers are. he knows im bi and he knows i have self esteem issues, and he would point out girls to me and be like "oh shes cute, lets have a threesome with her." JUST BECAUSE IM BI DOESNT MEAN I WANT A THREESOME. im south asian, and he has a fetish for indian girls and there was a period where he would just send me pictures of his exes and cute girls and like....why.

so that was an influence towards my uh bad eating habits (or lack of even eating). this was mainly a long distance relationship, and we would see each other about every two weeks. he was super unaffectionate over text and to him, that was ok since he was nice in person. he was, But it was a long distance relationship! our main form of communication was texting! whenever i need him to be there for me emotionally, he just wouldnt care. in fact, thats what he said. he said my emotions are my problems.

also, he's "ok" with gay or bi girls but feels uncomfortable walking into a bookstore with a gay pride flag on it lmao.

we went to a cute town thats equal distance between where we live and we had a double date with my friend and her boyfriend. they are amazing. my guy, however, was extremely judgemental and rude and didnt even put in that much effort to get along with my friends. i asked him if he and i could have a date in the same town and he said no because its not worth seeing me if we dont have sex.

ive tried breaking up with him two or three times but somehow he convinced me to stay.

the break up:

he finished an exam on saturday and had studied all day for 2 weeks (not enough). i told him to start earlier but he never listens to what i say. he wanted me to visit him and i felt bad and i was sure he was tired so i drove all the way to where he lives to visit. its a long drive. i got there, we had an argument earlier that day and i said the only reason we were together is because we're both lonely and i meant it. we both know that, we've mentioned that before. despite our lack of shared interests, we still spoke to each other everyday. i wanted us to have common interests but he didnt care for it and i decided it wasnt that big of a deal.

anyways, i got there, we joked around for a bit, we had sex, and laid in bed together. he said he couldnt get what i said earlier out of his mind. im referring to "we're only with each other because we're lonely." he asked if i meant it and i said yes. again, we both spoke about this before. at this point, it felt like we were just going through the motions of a relationship. i would constantly compare us to my friends and their boyfriends and wish i had their relationship. it was at that point where he decided to break up with me, because of our lack of shared interests, he said. right after sex. right after i had taken a long drive to visit him. i cried for 3 minutes because i felt pathetic because i let some guy use me for sex. then, he said, "nevermind, why dont we just postpone this to 2 weeks later." why would i agree to that. after that, we spoke some more and i honestly felt perfectly fine. i was sad, i just didnt feel anything? i knew someone was going to break up with someone else, but i didnt want to simply because i didnt want to be lonely. and i kenw i couldnt be with him because of how unhappy and insecure he made me. and then he started freaking out because of how carefree i was during this. he treated me to lunch, i drove him, we videochatted like it was a normal day, and then i cried myself to sleep. woke up, trying to take him up on his offer of "postponing" the breakup. i felt so pathetic lol. he said no, then i blocked him on everything and went out w my friends who treated me to some good food <3 i didnt measure calories that day.

the night when we videochatted, i was tempted to just sit and cry and binge on ben & jerrys but i didnt :) i was genuinely sad for 18 hrs (not counting me sleeping lol) and now im fine??? i guess he didnt really mean that much to me in terms of a partner. i was hoping someone would do this. i tried but it never ended up happening. anyways, he has 0 friends bc he pushed them all away. meanwhile, my friends stuck with me for 2 days and we went to restaurants and a carnival and showed me that im not lonely.

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[Discussion] Who else avoids here during/after a binge?
/u/ForPersonalQuestions
Created: Wed Jun 27 08:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u9wi1/who_else_avoids_here_duringafter_a_binge/
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I stopped a binge cycle a few days ago and only now do I feel okay looking at this subreddit.
It is like I am too embarrassed to relate here.

Oh well. Time to fast till the binge weight is gone. Then I can read all the posts.

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FUCKING SODIUM GOD DAMN
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Wed Jun 27 08:06:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u9w0d/fucking_sodium_god_damn/
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I really wanted ramen since theirs nothing else to eat but its so fucking salty. So fucking pissed. I already had one for BF and I wanted one for lunch.

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These past few weeks have been terrible for me
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Wed Jun 27 07:37:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u9o3y/these_past_few_weeks_have_been_terrible_for_me/
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I can't stay under my limit, I've binged, and overall just feel like shit.

I have no idea if I could just be recovering or something, I've started caring less about calories, but I don't know because I'm still not happy and want to consume calories as little as possible.

I've been weak lately. I haven't been able to resist that poptart or chips and I just say 'fuck it' and eat whatever I want when I slip up.

I don't even know what's going on with me anymore.

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[Discussion] Are there known sleeping side effects to EDs?
/u/isukatdarksouls9
Created: Wed Jun 27 07:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u9lro/are_there_known_sleeping_side_effects_to_eds/
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I have been sleeping fine for the most part, but I recently cut my calorie intake by half. I can't seem to wake up in the morning or I ridiculously over sleep. Maybe it is something else going on, but I figured someone else has had to have gone through this as well. Thanks!

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Was curious about how money scales in the bank work and somehow ended up here... #justEDthings lol
/u/clockworkorange_
Created: Wed Jun 27 07:22:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u9kfh/was_curious_about_how_money_scales_in_the_bank/
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https://i.redd.it/qa8dg2fioj611.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Both r/fasting and r/1200isplenty are killing it with the denial proed posts this morning.
/u/ScottieBFerguson
Created: Wed Jun 27 06:46:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u9bd0/both_rfasting_and_r1200isplenty_are_killing_it/
---

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[Discussion] Recommendation for inspirational movies?
/u/audreyhepburnwho
Created: Wed Jun 27 06:43:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u9ap6/recommendation_for_inspirational_movies/
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So when I'm deep into my ed i like specific types of movies. Ones with thinspo (breakfast at Tiffany's being a prime example), or ones dealing with girls developing EDs or body issues... The example that comes to mind is a scene in little miss sunshine where the little girl is looking at her stomach in the mirror and sucking in... Those scenes make me remember how my childhood was wasted on hating my body from a very early age and they make me cry but are somehow also uplifting, in a "i wasn't/am not alone" type of way... Anyway... Any ED/thinspo/body image issues movie recommendations?

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[Rant/Rave] I had to quit my job
/u/Sarahlump
Created: Wed Jun 27 06:38:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u99iq/i_had_to_quit_my_job/
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I recently got a job in a warehouse. I made friends and had people to talk to for the first time in months. But I was over eating to compensate for the work. I gained 2kg in a week after spending 2 months loosing 20.

I can't stand being this big. I was 130lbs at the beginning of the job. I'm quitting tomorrow. It was nice to have extra money but I hate myself and am disgusting and I'd rather be poor and keep loosing my weight then the opposite. At the same time I feel really worthless. I can't keep a job, everyone I know can hold down a job!

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Daily Food Diary! June 27, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 27 06:11:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u93cu/daily_food_diary_june_27_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 27, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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Way To Go Wednesday June 27, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 27 06:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u939j/way_to_go_wednesday_june_27_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for June 27, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Intro] Intro - I relapsed.
/u/softcoffee
Created: Wed Jun 27 05:42:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u8wxf/intro_i_relapsed/
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I've wanted to reach out openly and honestly about this for a long time. I suppose it's been eight years now of struggling with my body image, but it wasn't until last year that things got a lot worse. I have binged, purged through fasting, and vomiting at times, starved myself, severely restricted calories, etc. I've gone back and forth between losing and gaining so many times, it's infuriating and exhausting. I just want this to end.

I didn't actively try to recover last year before I started college, but my health improved. After eight months without my period, I got it back, stopped losing my hair, and of course gained weight. Was I happy about that last part? No. I did continue trying to lose, but overall I was eating, and physically functioning and never took things to the extremes I did before for too long.

I was also miserable. I had many breakdowns in college, isolated myself the majority of the time, felt uncomfortable and unhappy at work and around others I cared about. I became. suicidal again, and struggled with urges to self harm again. I coped by resorting to the same problems with binging and restricting over and over and seemed like I would never get back to just...losing weight, and not my mind.

I consider that to be a long disordered period, not losing much or gaining much, but suffering very much. I've been through it repeatedly. However, after those months alternating between binging and starving, something happened. I fasted for 62 hours, binged badly for around three days and then...started doing what I did that led me to being underweight. Just like that. I don't know if something clicked, or broke.

I'm consistently restricting my calorie intake again, and it's...odd, because I know I can do it. Part of me wonders why it took so long. My eating problems are always present in various forms, but relapsing to binge eating behavior has been the bulk of it. Knowing that I'm entering a long term restrictive phase again has honestly been incredibly comforting to me, partly because with binges come horrible compensation, and with my restriction I actually eat everyday. I have some stability, I have plan and a goal. I feel like I've found some long lost piece of myself again. I have this idea that this time around, my disordered eating will just gradually disappear and I'll simply be eating for the body I want and worked for. That's a dream worth having.

I have trouble recognizing if I have an Eating Disorder or not. I have been told by various doctors that I do, but always ran before I could be diagnosed. I have been officially diagnosed with OCD for 7 seven years, and I believed it developed when I was half my current age, so I've had this for half of my life. I understand I might be in denial, but I primarily view my eating habits from the perspective of OCD.

My disordered eating and OCD fuel each other. When I "give in" so to speak it's easier to function day to day. At my lowest weight during the restrictive phase I mentioned, a compulsion I have had since childhood got significantly worse. The overall calming of my anxiety from engaging in my eating behaviors prevented me from realizing the increase and severity of my compulsions. I am going to try to be more self aware, and fortunately I can say that hasn't happened again so far. I think it's because I'm more understanding of what I am going through, and therefore I am less afraid.
I consider my desire to lose weight to be one of many obsessions, and restrictive eating is just another compulsion. The disorders get what they want. It's like they're a happily married couple trying to kill me.

I'm 5'7. My lowest weight was 106 pounds. I'm back up to my starting weight now, and that has to change. The first time I became underweight, I consistently ate at a deficit for four and a half months. And I was happier, I enjoyed my body, I started truly caring for myself. I made plans to improve my life and followed through with them, and if it wasn't for that time I actually wouldn't be where I am in life today. I'm back in school, working, and planning a future and I am so immensely proud of those things. I am terrified of losing what I worked so hard for, I am terrified because I cannot see myself as I am now in the future I want to create. Since gaining back weight I tried to let this go, I've tried so many times to accept my body, but I simply cannot. It's not what I want, and I don't recognize myself in the mirror. I feel as if I can't participate in my own life. Worst than that, I feel like it isn't my life, I'm just trying to squeeze myself into it. I'm not going to let my body make me miserable anymore.

I have an insatiable drive to change into what I want to be. I know that drive will not go away, so I'm accepting it. If I'm going to keep struggling like this, I want to try to change out of love, not hatred. I don't want to hate and destroy my body with binging and starvation. I genuinely want to look in the mirror at the person I used to be and appreciate her once more. I need to be her, I will be her, and I will treat my body better. NO MORE binging, and fasting. I am going back to my restriction, and losing this weight because I'm sick of just remembering what it felt like to be happy.

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What’s the longest you’ve gone without eating and how much did you lose?
/u/rapidash14
Created: Wed Jun 27 04:19:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u8gp8/whats_the_longest_youve_gone_without_eating_and/
---

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[Rant/Rave] I’m out of control
/u/limelightwithyou
Created: Wed Jun 27 03:19:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u85yw/im_out_of_control/
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I’ve been binging for the past few weeks and basically undoing all of my hard work from the entire past year.

I just graduated college and moved back home so I can’t restrict and exercise in peace anymore like I used to. I feel so disgusting and out of control.

I’m also losing everyone in my life. Everything is a mess. Starting tomorrow I need to start restricting again or else I’m going to lose my fucking mind. I can do this :(

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Cardiologist
/u/OnlyDrunkenComments
Created: Wed Jun 27 02:32:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u7xym/cardiologist/
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He says "your weight went up"

I say "I know"

He says"so how are you going to lose it?"

I say "not eating"

He says"good. Eat a lot less, walk a lot more"

OKAY HAPPY TO THANKS

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Can we list our favorite safe foods?
/u/myworkhandle
Created: Wed Jun 27 02:00:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u7sku/can_we_list_our_favorite_safe_foods/
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Mine is definitely pickles

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[Rant/Rave] I've finally gained enough weight that a diet is acceptable
/u/jklikes
Created: Wed Jun 27 01:50:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u7qw0/ive_finally_gained_enough_weight_that_a_diet_is/
---
I used to eat so much in front of other people because they would judge me if I didn't. Finally, I'm so fat that I can talk about going on a diet and actually go on one without worrying them or hear them mock me. I need this so badly. Other people have been looking at my thunder thighs so much and telling me I'm fat, and my upper arms have never been so big in my life. I don't even have a waist anymore; it's just a gross food baby always hanging off me. Excited doesn't even come close to describing me currently.

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[Goal] I just reached a point lower than my goal weight!!
/u/ventingdumbass
Created: Wed Jun 27 00:55:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u7gx4/i_just_reached_a_point_lower_than_my_goal_weight/
---
(i’m at a bmi of 19 now!!)

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What do you do with hangover food cravings?
/u/DevojkaMala
Created: Wed Jun 27 00:52:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u7gii/what_do_you_do_with_hangover_food_cravings/
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* On myproana there is a thread where people with EDs can talk about their drinking etc but I haven't seen anyone mention what they do with hangover cravings. Usually I'm good during the week but as soon as after I drink I binge like all the calories I'd have lost

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Magnesium (rt/rv)
/u/Firerose157
Created: Wed Jun 27 00:50:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u7g1x/magnesium_rtrv/
---
Tried a magnesium supplement today and it seriously curbed my recent binging! Not sure how it works but I heard about it on here before and gave it a shot.

Also, my bf was telling me what he loves about my body and it included "your skinny body, thick thighs and fat ass" lol. My chest is much smaller now so he didnt mention it but i understand his preference

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[Rant/Rave] If only my parents had let me go gym...
/u/tolearnalanguage
Created: Tue Jun 26 23:40:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u72yd/if_only_my_parents_had_let_me_go_gym/
---
None of this would have started. I don't even know why they won't let me. Sure, they don t want me thinking there's something wrong with my body but you don't solve that by taking my phone when I don't eat and not letting me go (junior girls') gym.

I would go on walks but I can't set foot out of the house alone without a valid reason and there is only one,,,, can I repeat ONE valid reason: to go shopping at Aldi for food

Wooowoowowow it's not even to got to a friend's house loool I wish besides do I even eat anymore???? I have to restrict so bloody low because I can't even go for a walk.,,, it honestly scared me to have soemthing over 100kcals and I fast 25/8,,,, allll the tiiime,,,,, and it's exhausting,,,, and guess who makes me break it at 10:30pm with a whole plate of carbs by threatening to take my phone (which I can't ever allow to happen because I'll binge so much my feet will swell) when they've notice I haven't been eating. And I hate myself even more which results in me fasting in 28hr periods (breaking it with an apple and starting again because I'm weak as hell and can't handle fasting 2 days) for the next week and a half.

And this bloody sucks cause I'm pretty young and I'm still growing. I hope this ed doesn't stunt my growth cause my siblings are all tall and so am I at the moment (in my year group) and I don't fancy being short in the future. Also I'd actually like having boobs, thanks?


Couldn't this ed have appeared when I turn 16 or something, just give me a chance to grow ffs
What's even more annoying is that my parents are super protective to the point where I can't revise at the school library after school. Excuse me but what? How does one revise in a house with eight other people + three cousins who are staying with us????
"You just do. everyone before you was able to do I why can't you?"
so what? I just sit down whilst 3 kids are running around the entire house and start revising like another isn't biting my shoulder and doing her absolute best to piss me off yeah sure alrighty then god I why didn't I think of that before what a brilliant idea

Goodness sake

TL;DR: Overprotective parents didn't let me go to an all girls junior gym because am I allowed to go anywhere except from the Aldi 2 mins away from our house? nope. so now I have an ed and I constantly fast and I'm looking at restricting to 100kcal because I'm not allowed to go for a walk, A WALK FOR GOODNESS SAKE alone and I don't have any way of burning calories
my ed is 2 months old and I'm tired of it does it ever go away because I'd like some boobs right about now

---

Does anyone here remember TF/thinforum and RGP?
/u/katplanchette
Created: Tue Jun 26 23:15:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u6y80/does_anyone_here_remember_tfthinforum_and_rgp/
---
So I found my old livejournal a couple months ago and it reminded me of the old freebird TF/thinforum site and also RGP site which was Ruby’s Gloomy Place. Does anyone remember those sites? I know I was a member of both around 2002 on for a bit when I was a teen until I was hospitalized for a few years. I know I’m still on the old livejournal group for TF and it seems like the LJ group died sometime after the actual site did. Always curious what my old friends back then are up to now. I know I’m still a mess haha!

---

[Rant/Rave] Fear and difficult discussions=binge fuel
/u/Activated_Raviolis
Created: Tue Jun 26 22:55:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u6u7z/fear_and_difficult_discussionsbinge_fuel/
---
I spent nearly all day at work dissociating. I don't really think I got much done, but I don't really remember either. I finally told my mother about my sexual assault and she handled it like a champ. Today has been nothing but hard conversations. I've spent the past week in a really deep depressive episode. I was convinced that I was going to off myself when I got home actually.

As a result, I binged today. I hit 125, which was my original weight right before my life got really bad and I got fat. I really didn't want to eat, but I felt so stressed that I just had to. I feel like I ruined the flatter stomach I had today.

Because of today's events, my need for a new therapist has gone way up. I'm terrified that if I start seeing someone then I won't lose anymore weight. At the same time, I really want the help.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow, but I feel like I have to. I want nothing more than to rest because restricting+dissociating constantly for a week has worn me out completely.

Sorry for the disjointedness of this post, I am running on fumes and a nap hasn't even helped.

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[Goal] I want to be this thin. Thin enough to hold my thigh in my hands. And wear the smallest size and still have room
/u/Gaylad69
Created: Tue Jun 26 22:54:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u6u15/i_want_to_be_this_thin_thin_enough_to_hold_my/
---
https://i.redd.it/p1j9opgv5h611.png

---

So I found some old photos of myself...
/u/penoop
Created: Tue Jun 26 22:52:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u6tki/so_i_found_some_old_photos_of_myself/
---
And I'm kicking myself in the ass. I want to die. I was so thin and attractive and I just let it go without even realizing. I want to be that person again. I just want to die

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[Rant/Rave] I want to cry.
/u/Morbid_bones
Created: Tue Jun 26 22:42:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u6ri4/i_want_to_cry/
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I don’t post here much, but hey, all!
Trigger warning, and all that.

So I kind of had a premonition that a relapse was incoming, not that I was recovered by any means. I’ve been in a period where I’ve been stress eating to cope with grad school, a new job, moving out on my own, etc. My mindset was pretty much: “You’ll snap eventually and undo this all. Whatever.”

I’ve gained 28 fucking pounds.

Tonight was the night of the breakdown.

After eating an entire can of refried beans with 2 cups of salsa poured in and almost four servings of tortilla chips, I purged. Not a great purge, btw.
Post-purge, I threw away the majority of the food in my fridge and cupboard (which I feel guilty as hell about — I hate waste), bleached my entire kitchen and bathroom, and also relapsed on self harm.

My thighs are up to 24” when they were previously almost at 20 — my goal is 16.5, which is where I can wrap my hands completely around my leg. I’m so far away, and I feel like a disgusting failure that I’ve let myself go to this extent.

I’m in such a horrible mental space, and this is the only place that I can reach out to. My best friend is leaving the country in 39 days, and I don’t want to stress her out. My boyfriend, amazing as he is, makes me feel like shit when I get bad because he just seems so disappointed in me.

I hate this, but I hate myself more.
I never want to eat again.

---

[Discussion] DAE have ADHD coexisting with your ED?
/u/skinnylegendplz
Created: Tue Jun 26 21:48:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u6g07/dae_have_adhd_coexisting_with_your_ed/
---
Im having the absolute worst time trying to fight off two disorders who often work together to make me suffer. My medication is wearing off, I have 45 minutes left of my shift and all my suppressed cravings are coming back stronger than ever. All I can think about is the fact I work right next to a grocery store and what sort of food I could eat. To make cravings even more worse I have my period. I also need milk... there's no way in hell I can enter that grocery store and exit with only milk at a time like this. People never talk about what happens when the meds where off, only how great they are at suppressing appetites hahaha.

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[Help] I don’t know what this serving size is!
/u/bearantennae8611
Created: Tue Jun 26 21:38:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u6dpb/i_dont_know_what_this_serving_size_is/
---
I want to make this recipe: https://www.pickledplum.com/vegan-lentil-soup-recipe/

But I don’t have a food scale. It says the serving size is 419 g, but I don’t know how many cups that is. I can’t eat this unless I know because I need to know calories. It’s irritating me. Does anyone know how many cups this might be?

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Dae get weird ED cravings?
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Tue Jun 26 21:34:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u6cun/dae_get_weird_ed_cravings/
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Like when I’m low restricting I’ll crave the weirdest things. Right now it’s 10:30 and I’m lying in bed and all I can think about is candy corn

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Who here has no idea what they look like?
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Tue Jun 26 21:24:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u6arc/who_here_has_no_idea_what_they_look_like/
---
My body image is so skewed, that if I saw a clone of myself on the street, I'd have no idea. When I'm skinny I think I'm huge, when I'm thick I think I'm huge, when I'm actually huge, I don't know how huge. It's the weirdest thing.

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I'm really scared
/u/cherie-amore
Created: Tue Jun 26 21:22:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u6a84/im_really_scared/
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I'm usually a high restricter, so I've never had a defined "binge phase" where I eat huge amounts of food at a time for continuous days. I've been over my limit for the past ten days and EXTREMELY over these past three days. I eat very little during they day, feel so faint, eat a small dinner, and then become completely *ravenous* during the nighttime. I literally just ate seven white cheddar rice cakes in a row. I've never purged, but I've come veryyy close these past few days. I'm terrified and feel completely out of control.

Tomorrow, I'm going to aim to eat food at every meal like a "normal" person and try to whittle down my intake gradually. I have also been running a lot more recently; I've noticed in the past that running makes me overeat like crazy, but I always go back to it because 'health' or whatever. Suggestions welcome.

---

ED friendly cottage food?
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Tue Jun 26 21:21:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u6a3c/ed_friendly_cottage_food/
---
Hi my loves -

I’m super excited because the guy I’ve been dating for six months hasn’t shown desire to have much commitment. But he invited me to his cottage for the long weekend this weekend - along with friends and family which is crazy. I’m so excited! However, the way timing works isn’t great.

I’m working until 7 on Friday then driving to my hometown to pick him up for 8 ish. From there it’s about a 1.5 hour drive to the cottage. It’ll be very late so he said it makes sense for him to grab groceries ahead of time and he’ll have them ready to load into my car when I get there.

I have no idea what to ask him to get. I eat CONSTANTLY but all v low cal things - pickles, jello, popcorn, veggies and low cal fruit, low cal yogurt, etc. I need to make sure I’m bringing enough to fuel my constant desire to eat as well as things that are “cottage friendly” so not super perishable....although I think yogurt would be ok for the drive? I’ll be bringing a case of protein bars and my no cal coffee sweetener. Lol. I’m panicking. Any ideas you have are so appreciated ❤️

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What do YOU do at the gym?
/u/kvlt-chan
Created: Tue Jun 26 21:16:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u68u8/what_do_you_do_at_the_gym/
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I haven't been to the gym in months. Every time I think about going back I get too anxious to do it because I'll look stupid and fat and lost... I have no idea what I should be doing there. Not for lack of research, I just don't really have any goal in mind. I know exercise doesn't have a huge effect on weight, and I have no interest in trying to build muscle. I guess the only reasons I do want to go are for the endorphins and heart health. So my question is, what do you do at the gym? Do you have any suggestions?

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Ganj Smokers
/u/skinnycatholic
Created: Tue Jun 26 20:55:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u63s0/ganj_smokers/
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Anyone here smoke weed? I love it. I'm usually good at curbing munchies with water or diet drinks. But my bf just got a new strain and he said he got hungry by smelling it. Any tips on avoiding the munchies? Or any funny stories about ED and smoking weed? Honestly I'm down for any kind of discussion. Would love to see if anyone else deals with this kind of thing lol

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I'm just tired of all of this
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Tue Jun 26 20:54:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u63l9/im_just_tired_of_all_of_this/
---
I'm 3kg away from my goal weight and it's taking so looooong. And like, even if I reach it, I don't know if I have the guts to maintain. What if I gain? I have no idea what my tdee is. I just wanna eat like a normal person and not obsess about food.

Also, I look so flaccid and blobby now, what if I'm still the same at my goal weight?? I fucking hate feeling my thighs rubbing on each other when I walk, it's so gross, ugh.

Guess I just had to vent, sorry everyone for taking up ur time :|

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[Other] I'm supposed to be recovering so I see doctors frequently and get my labs monthly. My last test came back healthy wtf. How long can you restrict at 200-800 before your blood tests start coming back bad or physical symptoms (hair falling, etc.) start?
/u/AnAccidentSince1997
Created: Tue Jun 26 20:42:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u61fb/im_supposed_to_be_recovering_so_i_see_doctors/
---
My doctors seem pretty serious about possible hospitalization if I'm not careful so I'm curious how long I can go without being caught.

I've been under 1000 a day since February. Around 800 a day from early April to mid May. Since mid May I've been at 200-800.

I take a really good daily mutlivitamine and am also a 21 year old trans woman so I get most of my vitamins and nutrients still and my hormones are all medication so I don't have issues with those going wrong.

Oh also, PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU KNOW! How long at heavy restrictions before your hair started falling out? It's really the only side effect that worries me, as it will massively trigger my dysphoria and spiral me back into a dysphoric depression.

---

Fuck having a period
/u/chaoskilledme
Created: Tue Jun 26 20:33:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5zdx/fuck_having_a_period/
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Whenever I PMS I get these super intense cravings and I get so fucking bloated I gain an extra 2ish lbs. I don't have a gag reflex (wild and unfortunate at the same time) and every time I give into the cravings I feel like shit and sleep it off because I can't puke it up and it's an awful cycle.

Sunday night I had a 1/2 cup of this hella low cal ice cream and then my mom bought home Chipotle and I gave in thinking maybe I could get it all out in an hour or so with laxatives or straight up vomit. But the laxatives got thrown out and I couldn't get anything up. I was so angry and the rest of this week has been a straight binge and I feel so ugly and nauseous all the time.

Hopefully my UGW (90lbs) will solve all this shit cuz I'll lose my period. I'm just sick of feeling like crap all the time and it's because of this damn period.

Thanks for letting me vent 💜

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[Other] ed support gc, anyone?
/u/biblicalirony
Created: Tue Jun 26 20:27:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5xrn/ed_support_gc_anyone/
---
idk if this is allowed on here but i thought it might be helpful to have a support group outside this website that isn’t so forum/post-based. where we can just talk and vent, i guess? lmk if any of u guys are up for it !! if u are, feel free to pm me your numbers and i’ll add you. :)

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[Help] I Need Motivation To Stop Eating
/u/EDacct
Created: Tue Jun 26 20:26:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5xjt/i_need_motivation_to_stop_eating/
---
TL;DR at the end.

So, I made this account for the sole purpose of this Reddit. I can’t use my normal account because my boyfriend knows my usual account, he hates my ED and is trying to help me get better, and I’m not supposed to be on this Reddit anymore, but I really just can’t deal with my weight anymore.

Some months ago, like the beginning of this year to about a month or two ago, my weight had been hovering between 170-180lb. I wasn’t proud of my weight and wanted to lose weight, but with my boyfriend not letting my ED do its thing, I kind of just plateaued. I was learning to sort of accept it and try to be okay with it. My ED was getting better.

Then around late May, I decided to check my weight for the first time in forever. My weight was in the 190s. I had gotten too comfortable. My mental state crashed, and I was on the verge of starving myself again. However, I talked to my boyfriend before going over the edge because I had hurt him by doing that in the past, and he’s been able to keep me from going over up til now.

My boyfriend is really skinny because he has an extremely fast metabolism. I’ve seen him eat like a cow, but he doesn’t gain a pound. We’ve been together for a year and a half, and I know how much he loves. He is an amazing support system and just wants the best for me, but I just don’t think he understands. He’s been skinny his whole life. He’s never had to worry about what to eat or how much he eats. He’s just been the perfect size without even trying. My boyfriend has never known my exact weight; I’ve never even given him a rough estimate. I’ve always been too embarrassed to tell him.

Well anyways, now I’m in the early 200s, and I need to get this under control before it is too late (which I think it already is). My ultimate goal weight as of right now is 150lbs, which means I need to lose 50lbs.

My problem is: I have no self restraint. When I see or smell food I want, my mouth immediately begins to water and the urge to eat it is extremely too strong to resist. I’ve tried so many things. I’ve looked at thinspo; I’ve looked at reverse thinspo: I’ve chewed and spit, which doesn’t work because the taste of the food isn’t the biggest reason I eat. For some reason, Im addicted to the feeling of chewing the food and swallowing it; I’ve tried counting to 100; I’ve tried telling myself how fat and ugly this food is going to make me. Absolutely nothing works.

So, I am begging for help. Is there any tips or tricks or anything that anyone uses to not even motivate, to force themselves to not eat like pigs everyday? I am desperately trying to stay, at most, 500 calories a day for right now. Can anyone help?

TL;DR: The urge to eat it is too strong to resist. I’ve tried so many things. I’ve looked at thinspo; I’ve looked at reverse thinspo: I’ve chewed and spit; I’ve tried counting to 100; I’ve tried telling myself how fat and ugly this food is going to make me. Absolutely nothing works. Does anyone know anything that can help me?

---

Back from two week holiday...
/u/PerfctBodyPerfctSoul
Created: Tue Jun 26 20:20:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5w8d/back_from_two_week_holiday/
---
Gained 4lbs, up from losing 10. Blah. But not too shabby considering I spent four days with friends at a Comiccon and then ten with my family. It was literally non stop, every hour of the day scheduled. Parties, dinners, brunches, barbeques at the beach, theme park visits, etc... I weighed myself first thing this morning after a very long flight followed by a very salty OMAD. So, we'll see how much of that 4lbs was just bloat and water retention. I did manage to keep it around 1200kcals on the trip and kept active.

My kids are spending another week with family, husband is on a business trip for the next ten days. I'm happily back in the saddle with 700kcals today! Will drop it back to 500 in a couple days. On the plus side, I thought I was looking quite whale like, but in a photo with some old friends I looked pretty svelte and they all commented on how they "all got fat but I look exactly the same as freshmen year". My BMI was 16 that year so they're full of it but I appreciate the sentiment. 😂

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[Rant/Rave] ~binged~ after a solid week of a <1000 cal restriction.
/u/biblicalirony
Created: Tue Jun 26 20:19:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5w28/binged_after_a_solid_week_of_a_1000_cal/
---
and i kinda fucking hate myself lol. idk why it had to happen at all bc i’ve been doing so fucking good. i planned on having like two pieces of fried tofu and a chocolate cupcake but i ended up eating both a bit around noon. i was planning to just spent the rest of the day in my room doing nothing but my mom, knowing i didn’t have lunch, ordered pho. i ate like half of it and somehow gained like 5 pounds?? which ik was water weight bc it was super spicy but it was still annoying. i didn’t feel too guilty at this point bc it was only half but my mom decided to order some banh mih for the rest of my family on top of making onion rings bc she felt like it.

soo cue the next few hours and i ended up eating like a solid 2700 cals today rip !! ik i shouldn’t be pissed off at anyone but myself but it’s just frustrating bc my family brings home and makes unhealthy super calorific food all the time and it’s hard to eat in moderation, especially with the “all-or-nothing” mentality i have w eating... i.e restrict or binge.

im hoping to get back on track tomorrow. gonna take a walk around a nice city near my area and hope that distracts me from eating. im striving to fast for like the next two days bc i have a physical coming up rip! can’t wait to be roasted for still being the same fat piece of shit i was my last check-up by my new doctor ha ha ha.

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[Rant/Rave] Worst day ever
/u/shelbyc28
Created: Tue Jun 26 20:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5v4i/worst_day_ever/
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I push all of my insecurities on to my boyfriend and I know I shouldn’t but I don’t know what else to do. I know it’s only a matter of time before he gets sick of it and is done with me.

To make it work my insecurity in my body seems to rub off to other areas of my life making me feel extremely insecure in our relationship. And I can’t talk to him about my ED because I’m sure he’d be done with me then. I just feel like I’m frustrating everyone in my life because I can’t fully open up to them but I still push my worries and insecurities on to them.

I just hate that I can’t seem to handle anything on my own and I’m so scared he’s going to leave me and my life’s just gonna fall apart. I hate that I can’t do anything right I just want to be done with my ED and everything going on in my head to be normal

---

How much does being a teenager add to your TDEE?
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Tue Jun 26 20:05:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5sq9/how_much_does_being_a_teenager_add_to_your_tdee/
---
I’m definitely not growing in height anymore, but through trial and error I’m pretty sure my TDEE is like 2400 calories whereas all of the calculators put it as 1800ish. I’m not super active either. Am I just undercounting?

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When you have a bad purging day and he’s supportive 😭😫 can’t promise I’ll keep it down but 🤷🏻‍♀️
/u/llmccormickk
Created: Tue Jun 26 20:03:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5s7f/when_you_have_a_bad_purging_day_and_hes/
---
https://i.redd.it/ghing3v9bg611.jpg

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I want to be so thin that people worry about me.
/u/Rachie__Lion
Created: Tue Jun 26 19:46:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5o71/i_want_to_be_so_thin_that_people_worry_about_me/
---

---

Self-hatred
/u/RaineeRose
Created: Tue Jun 26 19:39:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5mo7/selfhatred/
---
I hate myself so much. I hit my UGW a few weeks ago, but a day or so later I let myself eat, and now I'm a cow again (gained about 12 pounds), and I can't even describe how much I loathe myself. I hate looking at myself—my thighs and butt are huge. I feel like I have fat rolls everywhere. And my face. I don't even want to go out because my fat is so fat and gross. I don't know what to do. I'm back to restricting, but the weight's not coming off fast enough and that damn voice in my head keeps screaming that I'm a failure. I hate myself so much.

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Any other vegetarians here?
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Tue Jun 26 19:39:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5mlw/any_other_vegetarians_here/
---
I’ve been vegetarian since I was 8, 3 years before my ED even started.

It’s part of what makes me a little reluctant to try recovery, I always hear that they make you eat meat in IOP/places like that and there’s no way in hell.

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Delicious low cal veggie meal!
/u/aaaaaaannorexic
Created: Tue Jun 26 19:35:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5lq9/delicious_low_cal_veggie_meal/
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I just stir fried spinach and onions w no oil just a teeny bit of water and seasoned with salt pepper and garlic powder. You can add whatever veggies you want. Its a nice warm salty flavorful meal or snack for like 30 calories!

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[Help] where do i go from here?
/u/clemintide
Created: Tue Jun 26 19:27:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5jto/where_do_i_go_from_here/
---
i made a post a few days ago mentioning how my younger sister left the chat up of her and her friend on my family’s computer. basically my sister mentions having an eating disorder.

my mom was talking to me earlier about seeing her up at the gas station when she drove to the store. that gas station is 2 miles from my house. my mom said my sister told her that she was “going for a walk,” but it had been hours. i played dumb and just kinda said how she must’ve been at her friend’s house, but i know why she had walked so far. it just makes me feel so uneasy now knowing this because sometimes when i’m at work, i’ll see her walk past the store i work at, which is also about a 2 mile walk from my house. so she’s walking at least 4 miles a day almost everyday.

to make things even more triggering, whenever my mom makes dinner, she doesn’t go down to eat it. she’ll either go right to sleep or straight up just tell my mom she’s not eating. my mom doesn’t question it?? i’m typing this post as it’s been the third night in a row she hasn’t come down for dinner.

it’s so hard having to live with my sister knowing this now. she’s so triggering to my own disorder and it just makes me feel competitive if anything because we don’t have that great of a relationship. to think that i will have to go on with this? would it be wrong to confront her about it or tell my mom i think something’s up? my sister is 17 and i’m 19.

we share a room so i see everything. from the small plates she uses to her CONSTANTLY drinking water, chewing mint gum at dinner time, junk food wrappers, constantly fidgeting, she’s drinking so much water as i type this lol... i can’t take it.

---

I found a way to curve some sweet cravings
/u/corgi-cake
Created: Tue Jun 26 19:24:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5iye/i_found_a_way_to_curve_some_sweet_cravings/
---
* Hot water
* Earl grey tea (or English Breakfast or Darjeeling or anything that floats your boat; caffeinated or decaffeinated)
* Like, a quarter pack to half pack of Splenda (or favorite artificial sweetener)
* A splash of unsweetened cashew milk

The cashew milk is 25 calories for a serving, so the splash is, at most, 10 calories, if you go crazy. Everything else is essentially calorie free. I find that this tastes very vanilla-y and sweeter than you'd expect. For me, it stops cravings for sugary pastry related items... rice crispy treats, glazed donuts, icing, etc. I love having some at night to stop a sweet binge or in the afternoon as a pick-me-up.

What else do you do to stop cravings?

---

Anybody else attracted to skinny guys but also triggered by them?
/u/ethereal-ethernet
Created: Tue Jun 26 19:22:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5igz/anybody_else_attracted_to_skinny_guys_but_also/
---
My sort of boyfriend is pretty skinny, 5’9 and 140ish pounds. I’m smaller than him at 5’7 and 118 (can’t flair rn :/) but it’s like... too close for comfort for me. Like I keep imagining these scenarios where I binge 22 days in a row and end up the same weight as him even tho that’s irrational and I don’t even binge. I hate my brain lol

It also just kinda makes me mad how little he has to think about calories and shit. Like, he runs 8 or 10 miles a day and eats whatever, I don’t even think he knows what a calorie really is. Pisses me off but I also wish I had that relationship with food

---

Just a few pounds!?!
/u/resistersista
Created: Tue Jun 26 19:21:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5iad/just_a_few_pounds/
---
I really thought that I had been eating better and had actually gained a few pounds but then I weighed myself and I’m back under 110 again – right around 17 BMI. I know it’s only a few lbs but this feels different for me and I’m so upset. I thought I was making progress with my therapist and I'm pissed at myself because obviously I went in the opposite direction and didn't even know it. My brain is fighting me hard on this and it’s got me really, really down.


When I realized I had gone under 110, my response was not to eat better, it was the opposite. Right now I don’t want to think about food. I don't want to put any in my mouth, or chew or swallow (at least that’s how my brain makes me feel). I wish every meal could come in a pill or a smoothie. I see my therapist again next week but is therapy enough? I’m starting to wonder, and worry.


Thanks for taking the time to read this, and if anyone can relate, I'd appreciate hearing your story.

---

[Rant/Rave] The cashier stopped my binge
/u/Skullqween
Created: Tue Jun 26 18:53:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5buu/the_cashier_stopped_my_binge/
---
I had resigned myself to starting my binge at work, because it's been a bad day. I bought a medium sized bag of Lays chips and a diet coke. As the cashier was ringing me up she said, "I wish I had the guts to do that."


I was sure she didn't mean what I thought she meant, so I asked her for clarification.


And she said "oh, I've just been wanting chips forever and have been avoiding eating them. I wish I had the guts to just get some."


I made some joke about her eating vicariously through me and left. But I was shook y'all. Like, one, that was pretty rude. But two, she's like 30 lbs skinnier than me, and I feel like she wouldn't have commented if I was still very fat, cuz it would have seemed more inappropriate. So it was kind of a compliment, maybe? And three, it seemed like she knew I was buying them out of an urge to binge.


Anyway, I threw them away unopened, so thanks skinny mind-reading cashier. I might still binge when I get home though.

---

[Other] “I don’t have an eating disorder”
/u/losemore
Created: Tue Jun 26 18:46:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u5a22/i_dont_have_an_eating_disorder/
---
I say to myself as I chew and spit half a piece of chocolate cake in the work kitchen at 8am this morning.

---

First 48 hour fast
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Tue Jun 26 18:38:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u58d7/first_48_hour_fast/
---
How the *hell* do you guys go longer than this...

On hour 38 I was driving back from class and felt like my car was spinning. I broke my fast with a 520c OMAD- not because I was hungry, but because I have a stack of assignments to do and I was staring at my laptop screen for 1.5 hours before I realized I could barely string together a sentence. Major props to you all who go days or *weeks* for fasts.

That OMAD was hella good after this long ass fast tho... check post history for my /r/EDFood post lol

---

Study snack ideas? I have brain fog from restricting
/u/throwawayxnotreally
Created: Tue Jun 26 18:33:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u571m/study_snack_ideas_i_have_brain_fog_from/
---
I’ve been restricting but I’m studying for an exam and have so much brain fog right now from being hungry.

Any good ideas for what to snack on? I usually have a smoothie in the morning (200), 2 boiled eggs for lunch (140), and a bowl of soup for dinner (150).

---

[Rant/Rave] Turned 30 yesterday,slipped up and B/P for the past few days, 7 years of my life just gone.
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Tue Jun 26 18:32:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u56zh/turned_30_yesterdayslipped_up_and_bp_for_the_past/
---
Been at restriction for a long time with a few purging slip ups, but nothing major.

The day before my birthday I B/P a pint of ice cream.

Yesterday afternoon, I had cherries, pita, carrots, spring mix, tomatoes and hummus for lunch, which I never eat well b/c I never eat until dinner. I thought okay it's a meal BUT it's my birthday and it's all healthy food. NOPE purged that.

For dinner BF gets my favorite Mexican Food takeout from an expensive restaurant. Veggie Fajitas, I wanted to purge sooooooo badly and was freaking out. He calmed me down by suggesting I smoke and I then ate a few cookies and cupcakes I baked for myself earlier (well b/c birthday) I was going to let myself have a nice day.

I couldn't handle this and I couldn't purge since he was on to me so I took 12 laxatives.

This morning I was obviously so sick due to way too much sugar and laxatives kicking in.

Following all that I then ate 5 cupcakes around 10am in secret and purged every single bit in the shower.

I then slept all day due to complete physical exhaustion.

I don't even really like to celebrate birthdays and my family and friends know that, idk I get embarrassed or something. But this was The Worst Birthday EVER! Idk why this happened.

I need to be done today! I can not get back into this. I am panicking about this. I know I can go back to restriction tomorrow but I am now officially 30 (I feel like a real adult) This marks 7 years of this! I lost 7 years of my 20's. 7 years of potential happiness. Why, why, why does this happen to us. I am the worst I have ever been. Maybe it was the anxiety of getting older that triggered this episode. I will go back to restriction tomorrow, I WILL! I need to.

---

[Rant/Rave] who wants to fuckin DIE raise your god damn hand!
/u/trashboating_
Created: Tue Jun 26 18:21:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u549w/who_wants_to_fuckin_die_raise_your_god_damn_hand/
---
so, was in recover for a good 7 months. everythin was goin GREAT. i gained weight and i was okay w my body!

and then last night i saw a picture of a celebrity i like when they were super thin and now i'm just...not eating again. i'm literally a fucking idiot y'all. what is wrong with my brain.

THE CELEBRITY DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE THAT ANYMORE. HE'S HEALTHY NOW??

---

Noods
/u/gnatthebunny
Created: Tue Jun 26 17:39:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u4u2x/noods/
---
So I finally got my hands on some Shiritaki Noodles! Gimme y'all's favorite low cal recipes. :)

Also, how should I prepare these so they don't smell like butt? Lol

---

Late to my dentist appointment because I was purging
/u/SterileTechnique
Created: Tue Jun 26 17:26:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u4qwj/late_to_my_dentist_appointment_because_i_was/
---
The hygienist said I had the “most beautiful teeth.” The best she’s seen all day. Ohhhhhh the irony I can taste it...or that’s blood from the vigorous flossing....lmao

---

[Rant/Rave] Unknown calories
/u/cas215
Created: Tue Jun 26 17:15:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u4o6y/unknown_calories/
---
I dance 4.5 hours a day (as of today for the next 6 weeks) , and have no way of knowing how many calories i burn. Fitbit says somewhere between 300-450 an hour but i feel like i cant count any of that. I feel like i should go to the gym before i eat and at least burn the calories that are in my food but then im stressed that i will get sick. Im also super exhausted from class the day. The unknowns are so difficult for me and idk what to do.

---

What are your safest breakfast ideas?
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Tue Jun 26 17:00:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u4kbz/what_are_your_safest_breakfast_ideas/
---
My list of breakfasts that don't give me anxiety is dwindling, so I was wondering what some of y'all's go-tos are. Right now all I've got are:

* Overnight oats made with 1/4 cup oatmeal (75), 2 tbsp what bran (16), cacao (10) and some fruit or shredded zucchini
* Smoothie bowl with a zucchini & banana base (\~120) topped with 2 tbsp rolled oats (38), berries, and maybe hemp seeds
* Whole grain toast (110) with pb2 (50) and a few strawberries

What's your favorite thing (actual food, looking at you coffee people) to eat for breakfast?

---

[Rant/Rave] Size small?
/u/audreyhepburnwho
Created: Tue Jun 26 16:56:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u4jc7/size_small/
---
I went to a concert tonight and went to buy merch, namely a t-shirt. Asked if the sizes were unisex, the guy said "yeah, an S for you right?" I was like....right? I mean usually I'd say M. L, if its womens cut. But I was so flattered that he looked me up and down and said I should be a small. And yea it fits. Mind you im still an overweight whale, this is a unisex small, it's not like i went down a size BUT just having him guess small felt great - especially because then he looked at the girl next to me and suggested medium, even though i saw her as possibly even smaller than me...? Body dismorphia? Idk.

---

[Help] Scales?
/u/astro-punk
Created: Tue Jun 26 16:50:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u4hql/scales/
---
My scale at home says 138.4 and the scale at the gym says 148.2. I am super freaking out at the difference. How do I tell which one is more accurate?

---

Heartbroken but I deserve it
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Tue Jun 26 16:37:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u4ek7/heartbroken_but_i_deserve_it/
---
I have an ex I really really care about. I left him because I just felt bored? didn't feel that he was putting me first? who tf even knows. I'm with someone new but he's not my ex. I've already reached out to my ex like multple times. LOL he has always said he's not ready to give me an answer but wtf does that mean? Does he want me to wait until he is ready? It's been months since we broke up.

Rejected like three times by my ex and I just feel pathetic LOL
I have a good life, I believe in God, my fam got me but wow I just want to spiral down and down.

I want to be alone so I can deteriorate in my indecisive shell of a person like hell wtf

---

Literally spent all day C/Sing prob 20,000 calories
/u/BurningThruMyVeins
Created: Tue Jun 26 16:25:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u4bly/literally_spent_all_day_csing_prob_20000_calories/
---
I was so exhausted coming home from work last night, but despite that, all I could focus on was how hungry I was, and my mind would. not. stop. thinking. about. food.

After failing at trying to fall asleep over and over, I finally got up and went to the gym when it opened at 5am. After spending an hour there, I went to Wal-Mart to buy banana Twinkies and a variety of other junk snacks. I went home to chew and spit everything I bought. And then I went out and bought more. And more. And more. I think I spent like $50+ on fast food and junk snacks to C/S today. I had like 6 or 7 different sessions.

Oddly, I feel less guilty doing this than I would if I just had a 5,000 calorie binge (even though the amount of calories I absorbed is probably around that from today anyway). This is the most desperate my ED has become though. Me doubled over a garbage can, C/Sing Toaster Strudels, Twinkies, Reese's Big Cups...I went to three different McDonald's three different times today...and I legit filled a garbage bag full of all of my bags of gloopy chewed up food.

Has anyone else C/Sed to this extreme? It scares me a little bit...

---

This shitty feeling when you have a goal weight by a certain date, it's in 4 days, and then you get your period.
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Tue Jun 26 16:17:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u49dq/this_shitty_feeling_when_you_have_a_goal_weight/
---
I had a goal weight of 56kg by the 30th of June. I'm seeing lots of old classmates that evening and even though I was never called chubby or anything, people always told me that I'd look great if I did more sports.

Now here I am, having lost almost 25 pounds, and I wanted to show that off so badly, especially because I looked awful on my actual graduation prom last year. I even got the perfect dress and shit. I've gotten so close, I was losing again after I had plateau'd for a week or so, and everything was sunny and great.

And then, yesterday, I get my period. Now I know my weight is going to be completely and utterly inaccurate and I don't know if I'll even allow myself to go if I can't know for certain how much I weigh. I love my life. Anorexia is amazing. 🙃🙃

---

Guys, I stopped throwing up!!
/u/Burlesqua
Created: Tue Jun 26 16:06:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u46jd/guys_i_stopped_throwing_up/
---
.. in the toilet. Now I do it in the bin.
#recovered #ihatemyself 🙃

---

Intro - Older than most. Coming back to what works.
/u/Lexi-Lynn
Created: Tue Jun 26 16:05:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u466z/intro_older_than_most_coming_back_to_what_works/
---
Hey friends :)

So I'm 35, I'm sure I'm older than most of you here. I'm surprised I'm still dealing with this shit at this age. I've definitely had issues with food my entire life, but when I was a teenager and first started starving myself and purging, I guess I saw it as a phase I would grow out of.

And in a way, I did. I eventually quit purging. And then I started eating more. And more. Until I got fatter than ever. I despised my body. I finally got back to counting every bite, but wasn't restricting like crazy like I had been before. I thought I had finally figured out how to eat healthfully.

It worked. I got down to my lowest adult weight and have the pictures to prove it. I still can't believe that's me in the photos, actually looking slim. I remember people asking if I was sick or on drugs. This felt like a wonderful compliment.

I don't really know where it all went wrong. It happened so gradually at first, and then before I knew it, it all came crashing down. I had lost 90 pounds, and I gained most of it back. It's been stuck to my body for a long time now. I stopped caring, most of the time. Well, I still cared. I still hated living in this disgusting body. But I didn't hate it enough to actually do anything about it. That makes no sense. I kind of became resigned to the fact that I would just be fat forever. Even though I had lost it before, I felt incapable of doing it again for some reason. I numbed the pain with weed and alcohol.. great, even more calories. And then I'd drunkenly say fuck it and eat even more garbage.

This has all finally come to a turning point. I am beyond sick of this lifestyle. I'm so tired of feeling all this fat all over my body. I want to be able to live again. As I am now, I feel like I can't do anything. Being fat defines me. I feel broken and yet so full of anger at myself.

I started trying to lose weight again slowly and healthfully, but old behaviors and thoughts have become inescapable. I see no point in keeping it at 1200 calories a day. Why not speed up this transformation as best I can? My body has plenty of stores to feed off of. Logically I know it will be harder to keep it off if I lose it faster, but I don't care. Once I get there, everything will be easier.

So now I'm oscillating between zero food days, one meal a day, and I've also had a couple of days where I do "good" all day and then say fuck it and binge on bullshit at night. That pisses me off so much. But hey, at least I'm not just sitting here at work shoving food in my mouth all day, grazing like a fat cow. It all feels futile still, I feel like this won't accomplish anything. But of course it will if I just keep going.

I want so badly to be normal again. And after that, I want to be thin. And then, what some people might say is too thin. I want to be ethereal and light, completely different from the average person. It's crazy how normalized it's become to be overweight or even obese. I think that's been part of why I've been able to stay this way for so long. Everyone else is fat, why can't I be too? It's not that bad.

But it is. God, it is. It's a miserable existence. I'm so done with it. But it sucks right now, no matter how long I go without eating all this fat is still here, stifling me, choking me, holding me down. I have to be patient and I hate that.

I'm really grateful this community is here. I've been reading everything and it really does help so much. A big part of me feels unqualified to post here because I am still so fat, but I've seen a lot of encouragement validating me. I can still be fat and have an ED. It's just hard to get that through my head. But when I really think about it all, of course I have an ED. I have for years. It's changed over time, but I have never had a normal relationship with food. I wish so badly that I could just look at it for what it is: sustenance. Instead it's always been one of my closest friends as well as my worst enemy.

Thank you for listening. It feels good to get this out.

---

if I was thin I could wear a trashbag and look good
/u/Key_Opening
Created: Tue Jun 26 16:00:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u44mc/if_i_was_thin_i_could_wear_a_trashbag_and_look/
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no matter how cute my clothes are, no matter how expensive my makeup is, no matter what accessories or perfume I wear, I will never look good as long as I have all this fat on me. I swear to god thin girls are effortlessly pretty just because they are thin. I could spend 4 hours getting dolled up in the morning just to show up to campus looking worse than a thin girl who rolled out of bed, hair unwashed, and threw on a tiny t-shirt and sweatpants. putting lipstick on a pig is still a pig. I'm so sick of this shit. no point in wearing my good clothes and makeup if I'm just going to look like a glorified river troll

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[Discussion] is anyone sick of fat americans?
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Tue Jun 26 15:57:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u43wq/is_anyone_sick_of_fat_americans/
---
i'm half spanish, half filipina and oh my god, I cannot deal with American size standards anymore. if you don't worship anyone who is like a size 8 for being skinny, women treat you like a bigot. i come from cultures where a size 8 is big, a size 0-2 is skinny. like, i'm all for body positivity and everything but don't try to tell me someone who is average is soooo thin just because you're a heifer and need to feel better about yourself.

---

[Other] starbucks proED AMA!
/u/aplanetkid
Created: Tue Jun 26 15:43:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u4069/starbucks_proed_ama/
---
hello! so ive worked at starbucks for about a year and along the way ive learned a lot of tips/tricks for getting drinks and food here, potential ED safe foods, calories, and all that.

i thought i could answer any questions you might have about starbucks food/drinks' calories, nutrition facts, customizations, etc.

basically anything is fair game! if i can make your life and coffee runs a little easier, id be glad to do so. ^^

---

Low resting heart rate/blood pressure?
/u/e_liz
Created: Tue Jun 26 15:29:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u3w86/low_resting_heart_rateblood_pressure/
---
Hey guys. I just needed some advice from people who might have experienced this before. Out of the blue, earlier today I decided to check my resting heart rate & it was 45 bpm. I don’t workout besides ab/leg exercises/stretching so I don’t think it comes from an “athletic” lifestyle lol. I’ve always had kind of a lower heart rate & lowish blood pressure. But since I’ve lost weight, both have gotten significantly lower. I try to check my BP every time I go somewhere with one of those automatic machines (lol again). They always flag me with a warning that my BP is low, but I don’t remember the exact numbers.

Anyways, I got kind of freaked out because on top of that, I’ve been feeling a little weird lately. I get dizzy & darkening vision when I stand up all the time, sometimes when I’m laying down I can very clearly feel my heart beating very slowly & differently, & I came very close to passing out in public the other day, which was super embarrassing). I also can see my actual heart beat in my vision more recently. Idk maybe all of this is normal & I’m overreacting/faking it/imagining it or something.

Has anyone else experienced any of this before? I told my mom & she said she would ask around at the hospital she works at about low resting heart rate. (I wasn’t completely honest about how I’ve been feeling because she gives off this vibe that I’m imagining things. For example, I brought up the fact that I don’t exercise so it all probably doesn’t come from me being super healthy & she said “well you stretch though”)

I’m not underweight yet or even close to it, so idk how this could be an issue already even if I am actively restricting.

---

University student working on mental health project
/u/mentalhealthproject9
Created: Tue Jun 26 15:25:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u3v2j/university_student_working_on_mental_health/
---
Hi everyone! Do you or a friend/family member struggle with a mental health condition/mental illness such as (but not limited to) depression, anxiety, OCD, bipolar disorder, or an eating disorder? What about autism, dyslexia, or a learning disability? I am a university student currently working on a project to fight the stigma around mental illness and am looking for people willing to share their stories through personal essays, artwork, poems, short stories, song lyrics, photography, etc. Another option would be to share your story through answering questions sent through email. Mental health struggles are heartbreaking and extremely stressful--but there is always a way to heal and/or adapt. More attention needs to be brought to the stories of survival, creativity and achievement in times of adversity—if you would like to submit something, please email me at [mentalhealthproject9@outlook.com](mailto:mentalhealthproject9@outlook.com) for more information! If you don’t feel comfortable using your name, feel free to email me anonymously! I understand that this is a sensitive topic and more of you are willing to share if your name isn’t tied to something.

---

Been restricting but my weight isn't moving
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Tue Jun 26 15:24:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u3umu/been_restricting_but_my_weight_isnt_moving/
---
What's up with this? I am just finishing my period, so is it possible I'm still retaining weight from that? I fasted all day yesterday and the scale stayed the same. I ate and had a coffee today so I don't expect it to go down, but I've never been stuck like this.

I had a binge a couple of days ago so maybe that's why my weight is weird right now.

---

does anyone know or guess physiologically why this is? (alcohol related)
/u/broknbird
Created: Tue Jun 26 15:13:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u3rhr/does_anyone_know_or_guess_physiologically_why/
---
Over the past months I've managed to cut back/ moderate drinking to just under 4 standard units daily. Yes this is still a lot, but less than I was drinking. I've also off and on restricted severely with food over that period.

Here's my question. I've noticed when I eat a normal sized meal after drinking, or with drinking, I definitely feel it the next day. Usually it's not too severe, especially compared to when I was drinking heavier, but occasionally I would inexplicably feel horrible despite drinking exactly the same amount as usual (I obsessively measure fluid ounces).

However, when I'm restricting and eating next to no food- but still have the same just under 4 standards- I feel nothing the next day. It's like I didn't drink at all. This seems totally counterintuitive because I always thought food slowed alcohol absorption and protected you from hangover or other ill effects.

Of course this sucks ED wise since I now have no motivation to stop or cut back further, and I now feel emboldened to severely restrict food.

tl;dr why would drinking exactly the same amount of alcohol NOT make me sick when fasting on food, but DOES make me sick when I eat normally?

has anyone else experienced this?

TIA ❤

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CHECK OUT MYPANCAKEADDICTION - BETTERTHEN MPA
/u/IcyHost7
Created: Tue Jun 26 14:58:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u3nah/check_out_mypancakeaddiction_betterthen_mpa/
---
[**MYPANCAKEADDICTION**](https://mypancakeaddiction.com/index.php)

[**https://mypancakeaddiction.com/index.php**](https://mypancakeaddiction.com/index.php)

---

should I exercise during a fast?
/u/very-fruitful
Created: Tue Jun 26 14:55:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u3mkz/should_i_exercise_during_a_fast/
---
i’m not feeling dizzy or anything (1d6hrs in) and I wanted to do 30 minutes on the treadmill. am I gonna pass out or

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My new job is a pressure cooker
/u/TeaCupGirl
Created: Tue Jun 26 14:41:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u3ifn/my_new_job_is_a_pressure_cooker/
---
I was doing really well. New boyfriend, madly in love for the first time, running every day just for the pure joy of moving, and ED thoughts had nearly disappeared for months. But my new job is performance based, and the stress and fear of failure constantly looming mean that my eating disorder is the only friend who comforts me. I'm in no physical danger, as I mostly high restrict. But I was just... so happy. For the first time maybe ever.

And now I'm not.


Sorry for the meaningless ramble.

---

[Discussion] How well does purging work for you guys??
/u/llmccormickk
Created: Tue Jun 26 14:29:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u3ezx/how_well_does_purging_work_for_you_guys/
---
I’ve been purging for a few months now but I feel like I’m not losing enough weight. I don’t know if this is because I think I’m not losing weight and I’m out of tough with reality or if purging actually isn’t working for me. I eat about 900 calories a day and purge after every time I eat.

How quickly do you guys lose weight when purging ???

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[Discussion] Favourite Diet Soda?
/u/RaynieDreams
Created: Tue Jun 26 14:19:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u3bs7/favourite_diet_soda/
---
What’s your favourite diet soda? I just kind of default to generic diet cola. But I’ve been looking at different kinds of soda and wanted to hear what other people like.

Also, has anyone tried any of the new Diet Coke flavours (twisted mango, fiesta cherry, ginger lime, or zesty blood orange)?

---

[Other] My personal mindfuck
/u/goddamnroommate
Created: Tue Jun 26 14:06:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u37yy/my_personal_mindfuck/
---
I am literally viscerally attracted to women my size and shape. 150-175 big ol hips and thighs, gimme. I look in the mirror, recognize this fact and want to barf.

what???

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[Goal] Skipping lunch isnt enough
/u/shootingstar2
Created: Tue Jun 26 13:53:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u33un/skipping_lunch_isnt_enough/
---
I've been skipping lunch a lot lately so I don't have to take a lunch break at work and to fit my goal.

Problem is I play a sport so I gotta eat something or else I feel like I'm gonna pass out. Looking into eating as minimum as possible.
I've got myself down to one meal a day; I could myself lucky if it's 0.
I think the muscle is throwing off my weight goal though

---

[Discussion] How much can a doctor’s scale be off by?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Tue Jun 26 12:55:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u2mtt/how_much_can_a_doctors_scale_be_off_by/
---
I went to the urgent care near my house today and I *knew* I shouldn’t have watched while they weighed me but I did, and I came in at a whopping 114 pounds, at least seven more than I thought I was. My clothes don’t fit differently than I remember, or at least, I don’t think they do, and I know the combination of wearing a heavy dress/being backed up digestively can do that to you but I’m still super freaked out and never want to eat again because that doesn’t account for seven whole pounds (!!!). So, how far off can a scale calibration be? Would it make up the difference?

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Daily Food Diary! June 26, 2018
/u/daeboo
Created: Tue Jun 26 12:36:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u2hgx/daily_food_diary_june_26_2018/
---
Automod is a fool, apologies for the late post.

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[Help] University and ED - question
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Tue Jun 26 11:59:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u26h4/university_and_ed_question/
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Having suffered anorexia throughout all of my university career, I have been tossed about quite a lot. Support for eating disorders in universities is rather poor, quite surprising considering the high-stress environment, change of situation, and the pressures of that huge step into being more of an adult.

I'm going into my final year (still w issues) and I am sick of being pawned off so I would like to make that change. I have some very rough and premature ideas and through you guys would be the best to critique or add suggestions:

1. Liaise with the student support staff to create and run an informal ED support group
2. Produce and publicly display leaflets about eating disorders (the general: where to go, supporting friends, resources, suspecting food issues, approaching someone etc)
3. Have an email account for concerned students to reach out for impartial advice in confidence and private
4. Be available to informally meet with students for tea/coffee/drinks etc so they can do it with someone who understands and isn't in their immediate friend group
5. Offer to communicate with the support staff on behalf of the student, even taking them to their appointment if nerves take over
6. Publicly speak if and when needs be - in accommodations, faculties, at events etc.

Granted, it sounds like a gargantuan task, but I reckon I am ready. After all, this disorder has robbed all chances of my getting a 1st, but I would have to spectacularly mess up in order not to get a 2:1.

Please comment! What other things would you like to see to support others?

---

[Rant/Rave] AAAA
/u/throneofweigh
Created: Tue Jun 26 11:56:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u25ph/aaaa/
---
I can't tell what's happening with my body for the first time and it's pissing me off so much

I think I'm losing weight because I look different from some angles and my hair is falling out like crazy but when I look at my stomach nothing has changed! It's the same lump of fat and bad decisions at 3am that it's always been. I've been under 1000 cals for ~3 months now, only bingeing 1500-2000 cals occasionally, and (up till the last two weekends) fasting all weekend.

But I don't have a scale or a tape measurer and I'm so scared that I've either gained weight or only lost a few pounds I don't want to get one. I keep telling myself I'm going to undo the damage of the past four days (2000-3000 cals!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and do a week long fast but I'll get high or someone will bring home pizza and I'm back to continuing to binge. I saw this illegal weight loss surgery story online where it got fucked up and almost killed someone and I'm seriously considering saving to get it because it's a win either way, I'll either be skinny or dead.

I'm moving into my own place soon and I'm seriously planning on not eating any calories for a month. I can stop myself from buying things pretty easily and if all I have to eat is coke 0 and shiritaki noodles I can't exactly binge. I don't know if my body can handle it but really? if I die I die.

I don't know how I went from being happy and confident about myself to this so quickly. I used to genuinely be comfortable with everything about myself, I used to not care if my stomach was big because I was happy and that was worth more than being thin. But hey I guess throwing away years of recovery to try to feel and look like I'm dying is worth it.

---

It's scary how fast it can come back
/u/Thunder2WonderThighs
Created: Tue Jun 26 11:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u1zvj/its_scary_how_fast_it_can_come_back/
---
I've been in therapy over a year and was doing really well, ended my binges and was working toward a healthy weight loss plan that doesn't involve disordered restricting. Now it's as if a switch flipped. I tried going Paleo to see faster results and not have to worry about counting calories but it only took two days to get back to counting everything, restricting and fasting half the day. Yesterday I had to fight with myself to convince myself it was ok to finish a whole protein bar.

I want this. But I don't. I know it's stupid and I feel like shit, but I'm losing weight. I just feel trapped in this right now, and it's depressing the fuck out of me.

---

I feel like I don't deserve to eat every time I mess up
/u/whats-the-point-ugh
Created: Tue Jun 26 11:25:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u1w4e/i_feel_like_i_dont_deserve_to_eat_every_time_i/
---
I think I finally found my trigger, so to speak. Lately I've been pretty bad and losing weight like crazy.

Honestly I feel like I'm a burden on everyone. Especially at work where they have been scheduling me 6 day weeks when I'm part time. I hate making people angry and I just want to do my job and leave. I'm tired of people constantly wanting my attention and everyone mattering more than me. When I forget to do things such as clean a certain item and make the next person angry, my appetite goes away. Even if I was really hungry.

It happened today and I had nausea from hunger. After that person cussing me out my appetite was just gone. I wanted to hurt myself so that I'd stop being so stupid and maybe remember to stop fucking up so much. I honestly believe people just put up with me because they have to.

There were other times, like arguments with people or fights with parents where my appetite was gone. I feel so bad and that I'm a horrible person. I can't even look people in the face because I'm such a disappointment. Like seriously. I went to the hospital last week because my parents were worried about me. I had worked 5 days in a row at the nursing home. I was happy I finally had a day off. I almost got some McDonald's, which I love.

Turns out call from work saying I'm late and need to come in. I just get out of the restaurant and appetite is gone rest of the day. Why should I eat if I can't even do what I'm suppose to do? I feel I don't deserve to eat.

---

The woes of grocery shopping with someone: blessing and curse.
/u/trolldoll26
Created: Tue Jun 26 11:06:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u1qcw/the_woes_of_grocery_shopping_with_someone/
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Boyfriend and I went grocery shopping yesterday and I prefer to go alone.

Of course, if I go alone, that means I can sneak "bad" items in the cart and eat them alone in my car before going home. So, it's somewhat safer to go with boyfriend because I'm less likely to give in to my impulse.

One of the downsides of going with him is that he doesn't look at the nutritional labels and he's insistent on buying brand-name items ONLY. I'm a cheap motherfucker *and* sometimes generic items have less calories than whatever brand he wants. So, I know that the black beans he chooses, I wont be eating those because they have 20 calories more than I would like.

Apples are on the very short list of safe foods that I have, and yesterday I made the mistake of letting him pick the apples while I grabbed some salad mix. He chose giant apples. I usually go with the "lunch-box" sized apples because they're little and at best they might be 100 calories. I didn't know how to justify wanting the smaller apples without sounding like a bag of crazy, so we bought the giant apples and now I'm scared that I'll have to eat them but have to plan a smaller lunch to make up for the calories.

Life would be so much easier if I didn't love food. I barely have any safe foods because anything can send me into a binge episode.

Ughhh.

What's your grocery shopping preference? Alone or with someone else??

---

[Goal] IT'S TIME TO RESTRICT AGAIN
/u/almostdrunkkk
Created: Tue Jun 26 10:11:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u19tn/its_time_to_restrict_again/
---
It's time to fucking restrict again. The last few months I've been ridiculous, telling myself that I've been eating more to put on muscle, which I have, but it's time to reduce that good old body fat again.

Some background about me, I'm 19, male, and have a "rugby"(???) body, i.e. higher body fat percentage but pretty muscular. Can't really see abs unless their under the right lighting/angle and that's what I'm trying to change. I've been bulimic and ano before, where I would purge every meal and restrict to near fainting, but after getting into this whole "fitness thing" I started eating more - big mistake. I've set my ""Goal"" weight to 175lbs, but I reckon that's going to change if I hit it.

Now, although I have gained muscle, I feel fucking fat as shit again and really need to lose it. Just wanted to keep this sub updated because I love all you amazing people and wish you the best. Cheers for reading!

TL;DR: I got muscular via eating more, currently want to die.

---

How do I start running? ESP with large chest?
/u/nordic_alien
Created: Tue Jun 26 10:02:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u16wn/how_do_i_start_running_esp_with_large_chest/
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I’ve never really been able to do it. I tire out very quickly. My weight went up quite a lot from a bad relationship, and now that I’m in anew healthy one, I want to be able to run with my SO who is a long distance runner. He does orienteering and I am very top heavy (J cup 😢)...

I don’t have enough money to get my boobs reduced right now, but I feel like running with all my extra fat (I went up to 60kg at 167cm) is impossible. I have no stamina at all; working out is so hard and I get exhausted easily at this weight... where do I start? Eating less seems almost impossible right now :(

Suggestions from runners? I’d love to hear (help).

---

how to get through those first days of fasting
/u/very-fruitful
Created: Tue Jun 26 09:51:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u13s7/how_to_get_through_those_first_days_of_fasting/
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surprisingly i’ve fasted for 24 hours. I lack self control and i’ve failed to fast many many times. how am I supposed to keep this up? 😬

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Good news today!
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Tue Jun 26 09:43:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u11hn/good_news_today/
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I bought these pants maybe two years ago and only wore them a few times before I couldn’t fit in the anymore. They’re professional wear pants and by the time I was regularly wearing professional I was too big for them. Well guess what I’m wearing today 😬😬

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where is today's food diary sticky :T
/u/spaghetti_girl
Created: Tue Jun 26 09:31:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u0xwb/where_is_todays_food_diary_sticky_t/
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not to be anal but why hasn't automod posted it? how else will i keep everyone updated on my riveting, dysfunctional eating habits??

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[Discussion] How has your ed given you a fucked up mindset?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Tue Jun 26 09:06:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u0qqy/how_has_your_ed_given_you_a_fucked_up_mindset/
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Sorry for rant but my dad has been suspicious of my ed before jokingly calling me anorexic because 'i dont eat a lot'. Later he told me he was actually worried and said if i ever needed help i could go to his girlfriend for advice because she told him when she was younger she had an ed. She's the sweetest person i know and deserves nothing but happiness but she's very overweight if not obese, and right away i think "oh so if i ever recover that's what you're going to look like". I feel so awful for thinking this im such a peice of shit sometimes i don't know what to do. On top of that my dad fuels my ed anyways calling me and her fat and criticizes us for eating 'too much' all the time (he's overweight himself im sorry).

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[Goal] Goal weight by September
/u/handzies
Created: Tue Jun 26 09:00:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u0oyi/goal_weight_by_september/
---
Or more so goal clothes by September. I want my Japanese size small clothes to fit by September. Right now they button but I roll over by the dozen and my butt hangs out the bottom like a floosy.

I have an important long awaited family wedding to for two people I just love so much! Family I haven't seen in a hot second will be there. It also be my only chance to look good in a family picture. I just want a nice family photo with my beautiful extended family to frame and put on my desk. That would just make me so happy.

I want to wear a perfect dress I deserve to the wedding, I want to feel tall and regal. I want my ex to see the photos on social media and feel an ache in his chest. I want to be thinner than my sister.

I then want to eat my weight in alcohol and cake!

HASHTAG GOALS. I believe in myself. Or I'll just fall into a pit of shame. Who knows.

---

[Other] I wish I didn't care so much about what other people think
/u/DryBrilliant
Created: Tue Jun 26 08:46:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u0l03/i_wish_i_didnt_care_so_much_about_what_other/
---
I wish I could just let go of worrying so much about what other people think of me. Example: I promised a friend I'd go to Bible Study with her today. I've gone before. I don't go to that church, I don't identify with her pastor's commentary, and after 2 hours sitting in a hard chair, I want to run out of there.

But I'm so afraid of upsetting her and so needy for her approval that I feel I have to go. I'd really rather go to the gym or go for a walk or do something active!

---

Definitely relapsing
/u/no_worms_onthebed
Created: Tue Jun 26 08:45:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u0kw9/definitely_relapsing/
---
Sup kids? This isn’t asking for advice, it’s mostly to rant.

Little background; I’ve been dealing with an ED since around 13 (25 now). I think the lowest I ever got was 90lbs? I’m 5’5” for reference.

Anyway, I started seeing an ED-specific therapist 3 years ago at 100lbs, and I got back up to 126lbs 2 months ago. Holy. Shit. I feel like a fat, disgusting mess. I’ve been actively cutting cals and have been consistently sitting at 120 for the past week. I desperately want to lose more and get down to 110.

BUT, I feel guilty for wanting to relapse. I was so damn miserable for so long. No muscle, so sad all the time. And even on meds now I’m still sad a lot. I try to keep it tamped down so my bf and my friends can’t see it. I’m pretty consistent with working out and eating right. I really don’t want to lose the strength I’ve gained.

I feel like a mess inside. I know from the outside I hear people saying “oh no you look great”. I don’t feel like I look great. I feel like a blob. My bf and I are pretty active, and we were doing some acro-yoga stuff with our friends over the weekend. I was terrified of him lifting me up. I felt so heavy and disgusting.

It’s impossible for me to see myself as one of my “fit” skinny friends.

---

What is your ideal BMI?
/u/SpeckledBalloon
Created: Tue Jun 26 08:05:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u09wk/what_is_your_ideal_bmi/
---

---

Ugh feeling crap today
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Tue Jun 26 08:01:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u08w2/ugh_feeling_crap_today/
---
TMI but I’m feeling horrible constipation cramps today. I took a dose of a laxative but it hasn’t done anything. It’s making me nauseous so at least I have no desire to eat. I might get a different kind and try one more dose. Hopefully something will happen soon.

---

THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
/u/strawberrybubblegam
Created: Tue Jun 26 07:32:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8u01a8/the_best_day_of_my_life/
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(on mobile) I HIT 95 LBS!! (I’m 5’3”) Im so so happy. This is my lowest weight in the past 9 months, Im wearing an amazing outfit, I look beautiful and I feel so powerful. Obviously I still have a ways to go, but i’m so so happy!

ON THE FLIP SIDE.

I was supposed to gain last night. I’m going to see my doctor briefly today, and I’m incredibly anxious about her weighing me. However, I have ankle weights that should add some weight to me, plus i’m gonna eat a lot of salt and water load right before. MIXED EMOTIONS!

TLDR; Hit GW, but need to be 10 pounds heavier for doctors visit

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COKE ZERO OR DIET COKE?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Tue Jun 26 07:22:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tzyp6/coke_zero_or_diet_coke/
---
Which do you peffer?
Coke zero has more of a crisp taste, and tastes more like regular coke to me.

Diet coke tastes a little more watered down IMO


So coke zero for the win🙂

---

[Rant/Rave] Just found out I won't get paid a full months pay until August.
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Tue Jun 26 07:18:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tzxhb/just_found_out_i_wont_get_paid_a_full_months_pay/
---
I got a job at Next which is awesome. However, their pay cut off is a month before payday and I'm only working 6 shifts over the next two weeks unless they offer me more, I'm over £800 into my overdraft and will only earn about an hour's wages in July because of my induction. I know there are ways to make money online and I'm using one site now but it's slow going and all I can think is 'I need to save money to pay bills in August, time to be super strict and stop eating again.' I've been in a binge cycle so knowing I won't be paid anything until late August is a wake up call, we're moving into a new house and bills aren't included in our rent so I have to save as much as possible. My girlfriend says if she finds out I'm cutting back on food she'll be gutted and I get where she's coming from, she isn't trying to guilt me she's just worried but it's where most of my money goes so I need to cut back there plus between the job and buying less food I should lose the weight I've put back on in this binge which will be nice.


I need money so I can live but at the same time being broke will help me lose weight. I can't ask my family for help because my dad's wages are lower and he's losing money and my stepmum feels like I 'shouldn't be living out of my family's pocket. (Unrelated note: my nan says she hopes my stepmum follows through with this when my stepbrothers are older). I got £5692 from Student Finance this year, I couldn't get a job because third year of university is intense with a research project, 15 pieces of coursework and three extremely hard exams so I've been in my overdraft since January because attempting to recover from EDNOS led to binging and feeling shit. I don't want to ask my family for money because I'll just feel like a mooch (and I get £40 a month from my nan) so I feel like my only option is to just let the relapse that's begun to happen, happen because then I'll save money and I'll get skinny and pretty and I'm just a mess right now because I've put on weight I can't look down at myself because of my tummy, I'm on my period (again for the second time in 2 weeks). I want to prove to my family that I can be self-sufficient and if that means I don't eat much until I'm out of my overdraft then that's how it's gotta be, I feel guilty as fuck because it'll make my girlfriend sad but there isn't really anything I can do. I'm looking into evening work as well as a glass collector but nowhere's gotten back to me yet.


I'm sorry for the rant, some good news is the fybogel's stopped my stomach cramps and I'm not super constipated anymore so yay?

---

[Rant/Rave] Broke asf/ RANT
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Tue Jun 26 07:17:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tzxa6/broke_asf_rant/
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I was looking at r/edfood and relized how much healthier everyone else eats then me. But I literally have no cash on me so I live off frozen dinners, poptarts, lean pockets, ramen, and popcorn. All the stuff I eat is junk, and it makes me feel like a fake. I got to 68 lbs eating all junk but got hospitalized. I left at 92 lbs and lost 14 pounds since, so I now weigh 78 lbs. I know is CICO but I’m scared junk will somehow sabtoage by weight loss.

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[Discussion] Skinny Shaming Is Not the Same as Fat Phobia (SELF article)
/u/dotprinceton
Created: Tue Jun 26 06:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tzrke/skinny_shaming_is_not_the_same_as_fat_phobia_self/
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https://www.self.com/story/skinny-shaming-is-not-the-same-as-fat-phobia

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[Rant/Rave] Safe Foods and the Environment
/u/corgi-cake
Created: Tue Jun 26 06:46:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tzpw5/safe_foods_and_the_environment/
---
I wish I had safe foods so that I could be nicer to the environment.

I’m leaving to go back to college soon, and I’m thinking about getting prepackaged everything: crustables instead of PB, kind bars instead of trail mix, frozen meals instead of individual ingredients. Not only is it more expensive, it’s way less friendly to the environment to buy individually wrapped anything versus buying it in bulk.

But I can’t afford to eat half jars of PB and whole bags of trail mix in one sitting again :(

At least, hopefully, it will help me work on self control.

Just another thing to feel bad about myself.

---

[Help] Jobs jobs jobs
/u/Taxisherre
Created: Tue Jun 26 06:17:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tzj2c/jobs_jobs_jobs/
---
Hey peeps,

I am currently working in data entry and finding it impossible to lose or even maintain. Between sitting down all day and the constant snacks and morning teas (I feel obligated to participate in) I have been having pretty severe binge eps. I have been doing it for over a year and I am at breaking point as I'm at the highest weight I have been in years.

I do think it is my job that triggers the binge eps as when I have time off it doesnt happen.

So wondering what jobs everyone does and the effect it has with ed?

Any tips on how to cope with a sedentry job would be also soo appreciated.

Thanks x

---

Does anyone else want to get plastic surgery?
/u/artgonaut
Created: Tue Jun 26 04:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tz1wr/does_anyone_else_want_to_get_plastic_surgery/
---
Because I do. Not only do I hate my body but I hate my face too. I see losing weight and plastic surgery as the only way I’ll ever get people to treat me fairly, and for me to like myself.


I was taking pictures for my university ID card next year and I looked like a troll in every photo. I picked the least disgusting picture and uploaded it, and promptly deleted every photo off my phone. I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror. I want to be a new person.

---

Was I over-sensitive?
/u/apocalyptic_thoughts
Created: Tue Jun 26 04:32:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tyyea/was_i_oversensitive/
---
I was looking through articles about McDonald's McFlurries which are being reduced in size here in the UK. I was reading though an article but two quotes from it irked me:

'Calories will also be halved – from 320 to around 150. Though, let’s face it, nobody who goes to McDonald’s is counting their calories, are they?'

'Honestly, we see what they’re getting at – but again, if we wanted to make the ‘right’ food choices, we wouldn’t go to McDonald’s.'

And I'm not sure whether I acted as a result of being overly sensitive due to my ED but it led to me becoming the first comment:

'The attempt at comedy, though truly an unneeded comment, 'Though, let’s face it, nobody who goes to McDonald’s is counting their calories, are they?' is rude and indirectly insulting all dieters who go to McDonald's. Diets of 1200/1500 calories for example, still allow the dieters to have snacks as long as they don't go over their calorie limits and this is pragmatically telling them that no, if they go to McDonald's, they are not watching out for this weight. What an unneeded and annoying commentary.'

I'm just sat here contemplating what I've done, hahaha.

---

Starting a new job on Monday, what to do about food?
/u/edthrowaway94
Created: Tue Jun 26 04:31:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tyy93/starting_a_new_job_on_monday_what_to_do_about_food/
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So after 6 months of unemployment after uni I've finally landed myself a nice little office job. I'm absolutely thrilled but I'm a bit worried because I follow strict OMAD in the evenings but don't want to raise suspicions with my new co-workers about my eating habits. I want to appear as normal as possible (ha!) so should I just suck it up and prepare a small salad each day to take or take my lunch hour in my car elsewhere which might make me look ignorant as a big part of the job is "fitting in". It's a very small office btw. How do you guys handle your ED at work?

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seriously, FUCK KETO
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Tue Jun 26 04:16:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tyviv/seriously_fuck_keto/
---
t's very successful with a lot of people, and I'm not criticising the diet, just ranting about my experience. The main reason I chose to eat this diet was because of my PCOS, meaning a low carb diet is ideal for me.

It's been almost a week, and this fat ass can't concentrate on what I'm supposed to be doing because I'm thinking about food. The idea of eating any more bacon makes me want to be sick. Cheeseburgers are my favourite food and I'd still say no because I'm sick of the meat and cheese. I just want to eat a giant bowl of rice. I want a sandwich and some cake, I want all the cake. I don't even like desserts that much, but take sugar away from me and you better believe I turn into the Cookie Monster. The cravings for carbs are so strong, it is legitimately like a drug. I can't distract myself, all I'm thinking about it when the next meal is coming.

I'm so miserable on this diet. It's expensive. I'm also part of some Keto support groups on FB and a guy made a comment (I know I should take FB comments with a pinch of salt) saying that if you don't eat enough calories on Keto, your body doesn't burn fat as an energy source and just stores it instead. Does anyone here know anything about this? I literally know only the base of how Keto works, but if this is true, then there's literally no point me going through all of this when I might as well just eat my calorie limit of whatever.

---

[Discussion] How fast do y'all lose weight with high restricting ?
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Tue Jun 26 04:06:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tytmg/how_fast_do_yall_lose_weight_with_high_restricting/
---
I never weigh myself so I am wondering typically how much do y'all lose with high restricting ? How many cals are you consuming and for how long?

---

When will enough be what i want?
/u/Sarahlump
Created: Tue Jun 26 03:49:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tyqns/when_will_enough_be_what_i_want/
---
I went from 180 to 130 this year, and I still see an obese girl who's clearly overweight. I'm exhausted, and I still want the number on the scale to drop lower. When do I get to be loved?

---

[Goal] UGW...post binge?!
/u/captain_peanutbutter
Created: Tue Jun 26 03:33:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tynzv/ugwpost_binge/
---
Title says it all, haha :P Had a bit of a slip up this weekend (long story short, my housemate baked a cake and threw it away bc it was burnt, and I ended up binging half of it out of the trash). Tried not to freak out too much, so I just took some laxatives, went for an extra long gym session on Monday morning, and hoped I hadn't done too much damage... but when I finally worked up the courage to weigh myself today I was 94.9 pounds! I've hit my UGW and after one of the worst binges I've ever had. Human bodies/EDs are so weird sometimes lmao. Just gotta persuade myself it's ok to stop losing and try and maintain for now

---

Seeing the number drop is my only happiness
/u/nanaberries
Created: Tue Jun 26 03:32:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tynsp/seeing_the_number_drop_is_my_only_happiness/
---
I've been lurking on this subreddit for a while now, and just wanted to get this out of my system. Last year, I had everything - I got into the finals of a beauty pageant, had an amazing boyfriend, and had a great job in a foreign country. This year, all went to shit. I gained 10 pounds, lost my long-distance boyfriend, and have been stuck in a shit job until September. I've been feeling so emotionally numb, that the only thing that I can be proud of is from restricting and seeing the number drop on the scale. I know it's not right, but it's the only achievement I can feel. And it fucking sucks.

---

Do you ever try to open up and it all just goes to shit?
/u/Skullqween
Created: Tue Jun 26 02:00:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ty8wk/do_you_ever_try_to_open_up_and_it_all_just_goes/
---
Sorry, this isn't really ed related, but you all seem cool. I was feeling vulnerable and open today and I got kind of drunk and tried talking to my husband, and he just wasn't into it at all. I wanted to talk about how much I'd been restricting and a lot of stuff, but I couldn't even get to that point without it all being awful. Idk, everything is just kind of terrible right now.

---

Didn't eat for 4 days but gained a lb...
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Tue Jun 26 01:45:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ty6fb/didnt_eat_for_4_days_but_gained_a_lb/
---
I ate nothing except a small handful of fires and a hash brown and a small side salad over the course of four days. Last night I had a cheat meal. I had less than 400 calories for four days then ate 500 last night. Gained a lb. Just how?
😭😭

---

[Goal] Today is the day.
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Tue Jun 26 01:33:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ty4dw/today_is_the_day/
---
Since slightly binging yesterday after drinking, I've decided that I will start dropping now (hopefully), I've been in a constant binge/restrict cycle for the past few months just gaining and losing the same 5 pounds but I really want to change that. Hoping to hit my first goal weight of 125 in a few weeks which shouldn't be hard at all if my willpower stays as strong as it is now and as some of you have already seen, I plan on getting a tattoo when this happens.

Just needed somewhere to post this, love you all x

---

I keep looking in the mirror shirtless expecting to see a thin person reflected back
/u/penoop
Created: Tue Jun 26 01:26:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ty2yf/i_keep_looking_in_the_mirror_shirtless_expecting/
---
And it's infuriating. I want him here already. I'm frustrated at how long it's taking me to look as good as I want. It's *just* weight loss I tell myself, I'm not even putting on muscle, as in my opinion guys should.

It should be EASY and FAST and I'm ANGRY and my life is lacking stability in that I am in a hostel with no permanent residence figured out yet and it's all just compiling and compiling and no matter how hard I try it still gets to me at one point or another.

Eating 600 calories a day fucks with my mind. It makes it a little hazy and makes me more tense, anxious and quick to overreact. Not to mention makes me constantly thinking of my stomach and its hunger and beyond all that just makes me SADDER in general. But the alternative is eating. And eating leads to maintenance or weight gain and I'm NOT going back. I'm NOT going to make negative progress. I'm NOT going to regress. I have fought HARD for the amount I've lost. I REFUSE to let that unravel just because I fucking have no place to live. WHAT would eating solve? Nothing. It will just create a new problem that I'll have to address because one way or the other, I am going to find a place to live. It might be absolute trash, and that might be my only option, but thats that. I will live in trash and I will hate it and I will be miserable BUT I WILL BE THIN.

I really just needed to vent. There are too many anxiety inducing variables in my life. My life lacks structure. I am falling apart at the seams. Thanks for reading, please share your own related stories.

---

[Other] I have recovered.
/u/ConstantIt
Created: Tue Jun 26 01:12:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ty0bq/i_have_recovered/
---
Today I have been discharged from the whole ED outpatient treatment and I feel so...sad? I have been dealing this ever since I was 14 and I'm 20 now. I guess I am happy to not be dealing with this disorder anymore and I wish you all the best who are struggling with it. I just got back home and I cried because I miss my therapist and I am just so thankful to her.

Should I get her a card and a gift of some sort? I am way too introverted to talk to her about how thankful I am so I am thinking of writing it in a card.

This had been a hard journey for me and I am surprised and how much things have changed for me for the better.

I have been lurking this sub ever since I got reddit and I do comment here and there, but it has been good and everything happens for a reason. I'm just being an emotional b*tch right now, forgive me.

Good luck to you all with your journey.. those who are dealing with it, those who don't wanna recovery, whatever stage you're on... good luck.

xoxo

---

tfw most "before and after" pictures of people in recovery always look AMAZING in the "after"
/u/howunfortunate_
Created: Tue Jun 26 00:33:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8txsxt/tfw_most_before_and_after_pictures_of_people_in/
---
...and you're here looking at your pics when you were 10 lbs lighter and realizing you look worse RN and shouldve kept restricting instead of trying to recover FML

ik this is some BS my ED is inserting into my head but i dont even have the energy to fight it right now. even when you have an ED people only give a shit about you if youre hot. and im not. even when i was at my LW i was ugly.

just give me the sweet respite of death

---

Recovery - HOW?!
/u/MissMagus
Created: Tue Jun 26 00:08:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8txo4j/recovery_how/
---
I need to recover, and start gaining weight. Im down to 92, i have a 15-ish bmi and a sick part of my brain wants that to be a 14.7 before I stop....just cause.

I've been purging almost daily....i dont keep anything down. This is new. Within the month....before, i just restricted. That was my life for a decade almost - and now i just spend all my time eating whatever I want and pukung my guts out.

What are some good steps to take for recovery? I have a dr appt on the 16th and was lowkey thinking of talking to her. I might need help. I don't want to deal with a prohram though....i think im strong enough to do this on my own - but I havent quit yet and i can't stop chucking literally everything I eat. Ugh.

Any tips or advice?

---

[Help] did bc affect your weight gain or loss
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Tue Jun 26 00:06:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8txnuw/did_bc_affect_your_weight_gain_or_loss/
---
i have bc i should start taking but im on peak restrict mode right now and it makes me so nervous that ill gain because of my hormones and stuff pls help

---

I'm scared and trying to keep it together
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Tue Jun 26 00:00:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8txmnh/im_scared_and_trying_to_keep_it_together/
---
I've just been in "restrict mode" a month now and before that I was eating easily 4000 calories a day. I was just so depressed and didn't care.

I've been doing really well recently. Keeping around 900 cals a day. But the past two days I've been so hungry. Usually I'm not hungry. I ate 1359 yesterday and 1395 today. I feel like a failure. I know it may seem dramatic but I'm terrified my hunger will get worse and the number will keep increasing and I'll be back to feeling sick from stuffing myself every day.

Again I don't want to sound dramatic. It's just I have no self esteem and the only way I was even slightly approving of myself recently was because I was being so strict. I haven't binged since I started this restricting phase again a month ago.

It's crazy how 1395 would have been hardly anything to me more than a month ago and now it is a terrifying huge ginormous number.

I just want someone to tell me it'll be okay because I can never seem to tell myself that:/

---

no one would notice // suicidal
/u/aicilalavender
Created: Mon Jun 25 23:59:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8txmh5/no_one_would_notice_suicidal/
---
I could starve myself to death and no one would fucking notice. that’s my way out. i ain’t got a damn person looking out for me or who sees me day to day and cares about me or my well being. it’d be so easy to slip into the cracks. especially living by myself. and i know my body isn’t in good shape from my past history with eating disorders. i deserve this anyway. this is how i’m meant to die. it must be. i’m going to starve myself to death in 6-8 months peacefully and quietly. because who the fuck cares.

---

[Help] Serta / zoloft withdrawal - help
/u/cuzzlingpunt
Created: Mon Jun 25 23:28:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8txgjx/serta_zoloft_withdrawal_help/
---
Hi wonderful humans,

I had to stop taking my zoloft very abruptly on Thursday because my medical insurance has decided to stop paying for it and I can't afford it in addition to the myriad of other pills I take (and now have to pay for myself).

I felt okay on Friday and Saturday morning but since then I've been steadily getting worse. I almost feel drunk I'm so not with it. In addition to this I've been having hot flashes, night sweats, nausea, headaches from hell, my face and body is tingling all over and just want to cry all the time. I just feel so sick.

Has anyone else done this before? I know it's not the best idea but it is unavoidable. How long did the withdrawal go on for? I feel like I'm dying.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm so paranoid and it's really annoying
/u/RaynieDreams
Created: Mon Jun 25 23:18:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8txeqb/im_so_paranoid_and_its_really_annoying/
---
My mom pointed out that I lost weight not that long ago (I don't live with her, so she doesn't know my eating habits). But now I'm almost always worried about what I'm going to say if she says anything else about my weight loss. I'm not that old, and I'm still super close and somewhat dependent on her so I don't want to just not see her as much. Also, now it's summer and there are more barbecues and family gatherings and I'm panicking about it. I pretty much am vegetarian anyway, so I might just make it official so I don't have to eat everything my family makes. Maybe even vegan, just forget eating with them altogether. But then I would have to give up eggs in case someone saw them in my fridge. Ugh. I wish family gatherings weren't so centered around food. Honestly, I don't know why I'm posting this. I just need it out of my head.

---

Ramen or Poptarts?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Mon Jun 25 23:04:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8txbw1/ramen_or_poptarts/
---
Since I’m broke I brought some ramen noodles. I was thinking of eating that tomorrow or 2 poptarts (420). Which one should I go for? It’s 12:50 AM at night and its literally all I could think about.

All I have is ramen and 1 pack of unfrosted strawberry poptarts unt Friday.

If I have ramen, it’s lower cal and even if it’s high sodium, since I’m not pairing it with other things it wouldn’t affect the scale. But I’m not sure if ramen will affect my weight loss.

If I have 2 poptarts, I’ll have to eat it slowly because it’ll fill like a waste of calories if I don’t, but it’s a safe food because I experienced a lost with them before.



This is stressing me out sm and driving me crazy. I know it’s late but I’m really needing some replies.

---

ED books/audio books?
/u/jijicki2
Created: Mon Jun 25 22:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8txaw4/ed_booksaudio_books/
---
So I downloaded Cat Marnell's book, which mainly revolved around her drug problems and lightly scraped her bulimia issues, and I'm nearing the end. There is something so engaging and "alternative" about her, and how she was a beauty editor. Oh and she was SO tiny.

I can download one more audio book for free, and wanted to listen to an interesting book on someone's ED and possibly adderall use and or work out compulsion.

None of that cheesy shit that tries to twist things into some "feel sorry for me, I wanted to be a butterfly so I had to set the caterpillar on fire" shit... You know what I mean?

My favorite thing to do rn, since I am so painfully lonely and have no real hobbies, has been listening to audiobooks in my car after popping an adderall, while smoking menthols and drinking diet sodas.

---

Never again, Naked Smoothies
/u/panaderiaz
Created: Mon Jun 25 22:22:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tx37a/never_again_naked_smoothies/
---
Got home from a really fuckin horrible shift at midnight. Wasn’t hungry but decided to force myself to consume something so I wouldn’t pass out in the shower tomorrow morning. Had one of those single serve Naked Smoothie things. It was 250 cals and I have a physical af job so I was like eh fuck it I guess it’s not even really a meal. Chugged the whole thing then I looked at the sugar content. No added sugar, but FORTY FUCKING FOUR GRAMS OF NATURAL SUGAR. I feel like shit now. I’m gonna catch the beetus from this for sure. Also it’s my 21st birthday now? Woohoo.

---

[Discussion] Lies I Tell Myself
/u/corgi-cake
Created: Mon Jun 25 22:03:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8twz3l/lies_i_tell_myself/
---
Recently I was not at my lowest weight, but my lowest muscle density. I was called sickly by my mother constantly, and even my boyfriend complimented me when I gained some weight back on how I looked. My ED-prone brain took this as needing to be more “feminine” by being “fuller” and “curvier” so now my stupid ED brain says that the bag of salted nuts or 3 bowls of cereal or leftover baked goods are “necessary” and “deserved” to gain.

Of course, I hate all of this almost immediately after and want to punch myself.

And in the morning it’s back to (trying) to restrict.

Anyone else have short delusions about gaining weight to be “fuller” that convince you to binge (or simply go past restriction ashamedly)?

---

[Discussion] Unsure if husband has been hinting or just general chatter and I’m paranoid... anyone else?
/u/girlinapanic
Created: Mon Jun 25 21:45:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8twv4m/unsure_if_husband_has_been_hinting_or_just/
---
https://imgur.com/a/3saa8k3

---

For those of us that struggle with overeating :/
/u/emdoorlag
Created: Mon Jun 25 21:37:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8twtbp/for_those_of_us_that_struggle_with_overeating/
---
https://i.redd.it/ctjgruv8n9611.jpg

---

I have absolutely no idea what I look like
/u/istitchandi1200
Created: Mon Jun 25 21:26:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8twqqz/i_have_absolutely_no_idea_what_i_look_like/
---
Yesterday, I'm running my hands along my collarbones, wearing a tight black sundress and feeling fantastic. I feel like I've made great progress. I've definitely lost some weight and it shows.

Today: I am a blob. I am made up only of liquid fat. I am the marshmallow man incarnate. I will never be skinny.

Absolutely no idea what I look like from day to day.

---

Chasing an Impossible Dream
/u/builtlikeastrawberry
Created: Mon Jun 25 20:59:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8twkkm/chasing_an_impossible_dream/
---
Am I doomed to forever be miserable over the state of my midsection? I can look in the mirror and see visible abs, but when I actually look down on my belly from above, all I see is rolls and rolls of fat.

Is it even possible to be truly content with one's stomach? Even when I've lost enough body fat to even \*sometimes\* accept that it may now qualify as flat, I never feel that way about it for long: Minutes later, I've changed my mind and my stomach is a disgrace again.

And the fact that I could be 0&#37; body fat and \*still\* have to worry about bloating making my stomach look like trash makes me just want to give up.

Please someone tell me there's some sort of light at the end of the tunnel. If you've found some sort of surefire way to gauge the acceptability of your abdomen, something that has allowed you to relax and accept that it truly is where you need it to be, please clue me in.

---

a guy called me thicc today
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Mon Jun 25 20:52:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8twizd/a_guy_called_me_thicc_today/
---
his exact words were "damn you're cute and a lil thick, too" and then said something about me being asian and then asked for my number. why would anyone think this is a compliment? I know I'm a fat asian girl, why do people have to point it out. im so pissed omg

---

[Rant/Rave] Not even sure what to title this, had a panicked binge/purge breakdown over something entirely unrelated to food.
/u/pointlessparadox
Created: Mon Jun 25 20:40:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8twgaf/not_even_sure_what_to_title_this_had_a_panicked/
---
Just want to write this somewhere, looking back it’s really weird. If I’m breaking the rules by having it not related to food/eds enough feel free to take down.
So to give this story context, I ordered a Juul off of eBay. My mom found the gift card and got suspicious because of past sketchy things I ordered online when I had a debit card. The package was scheduled to arrive on the 22nd before 8pm, which it never did, staying in transit. I filed a hold request so the package wouldn’t arrive on the weekend when she was home. I cancelled the hold when it arrived in a nearby city yesterday. Today, I got texts saying the package is out for delivery. Then I get one saying it’s been delivered, but I can’t find the key for my townhouse’s mailbox. Turns out my mom has it with her. I also don’t know which box correlates to my house. I call the landlord and figure that question out, but I still don’t have the key. So like any normal person, I attempt to pick the lock. I can’t do it. I go inside for a little bit and try to find different tools that might work, actually chipping my teeth trying to bend a paperclip. I go outside again 45 minutes later so people don’t see me being a dumbass. Nothing works, and I get increasingly desperate as it gets closer to the time my friend’s mom is coming to pick me up to see my friend in residential. I call the landlord again to see if she can open it for me, she can’t. So then I start pleading with God, even though I’ve never been religious in my life. I promise to give up all other drugs and never buy anything like this again. I promise to be as nice as possible to my family. I cleaned the kitchen a little bit in an attempt to gain some karma that might help me unlock the box. I said I would steal some of the weed my mom accidentally left out if I couldn’t open it. Basically just trying to manipulate the higher powers.
Here’s where the food comes in to part, I get the idea that if I eat maybe the world will be happier with me because I’d only had a sugarfree redbull, coffee, and a cigarette that day. I stuff combinations of baked eggs, bacon, pepperoni, mozzarella, olives, hot sauce, and this really nice handmade cheddar into my face. I tell myself that if I go out there and can’t pick the lock, I’m going to purge it, and this will somehow convince the gods to let me open it? I don’t know. I was terrified she would find the package and I would get punished severely and have to face my sins in family therapy tomorrow. Anyway, it’s around 15 minutes till my friend’s mom is supposed to arrive. I go outside and have zero luck. So, logically, I go inside and purge. It was my first purge in over 4 months. I chugged as much water as I could beforehand to make myself feel sick. I don’t think I got very much actual food out. I go to get another glass off water to see if it will get me more success. Then I see a mail truck outside! I rush to clean the toilet water off my glasses and go out to confront him. I open my usps account to prove I live here, and he opens all the mailboxes to look for it.
The package isn’t there. So I sort of purged for nothing? Or maybe the world was telling me to stop being a little bitch. Still stole some weed.

---

wanting A cups
/u/gayandirresponsible
Created: Mon Jun 25 20:33:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8twena/wanting_a_cups/
---
I never thought my chest looks good whenever I'm in a larger cup. I feel like the only reason I have D cups is because I have more fat in general. I just want a flat chest! I would look so much cuter, and feel more confident in my outfits. Is it me wanting to be thinner causing this outlook or is it another factor in why I want to be thinner 😞
Does anyone else feel this way?

---

[Rant/Rave] Paranoid
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Mon Jun 25 20:31:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8twe3t/paranoid/
---
I'm in a group chat with some people I only met once because they invited me to a party and it's for planning etc. A girl in the chat asked me what flavour of chips I wanted and I said I didn't care.
She responded with "oh yeah i forgot u don't eat" and when I said "i eat", she replied with "once a week doesnt count"

I've never told these people I have an eating disorder and now I'm
really fucking paranoid about being found out and I'm also really stoned and it's making it worse and ugh

---

pray for me 😇
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Mon Jun 25 20:16:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8twapo/pray_for_me/
---
I've plateaued for 5 days despite heavy restriction. Ready to do a binge, then fast 2 days. Tonight despite barely being able to stomach that much food I ended up eating 1800 (TDEE) all in the name of breaking this frickin plateau. Tomorrow i will fast for 2+ days. I hid my scale so as not to freak with the fluctuations. I'm so scared this mini binge put me way off course but at least it will be a learning and I'll find out if a spike works. Pray for me, please.

---

[Discussion] Disorders changing
/u/monstersona
Created: Mon Jun 25 20:14:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8twabo/disorders_changing/
---
I've seen a LOT of anas turned mias, but is there anyone whose in the mias turned anas club with me? I feel like its a smaller group for some reason. I was bulimic for 7 years, and a year ago became anorexic. Can anyone relate?

---

AAAAAAAAAA
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Mon Jun 25 20:01:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tw78q/aaaaaaaaaa/
---
A friend of mine made a post on Facebook asking for meal prep ideas so I sent her my pinterest board and after she liked it I realized that I put SO MANY ana's kitchen recipes in there. Just a whole bunch of fucking anorexia recipes. Just... so few calories

---

[Other] my anxiety meds are saving my life
/u/Jemjon
Created: Mon Jun 25 19:59:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tw6sw/my_anxiety_meds_are_saving_my_life/
---
I just want to share because I have improved so much suddenly with recovery thanks to my anxiety meds!!

So 3 weeks ago I had my regular scheduled panic attack because I was scared to go to dinner with my family, started panic attack around noon and wrecked my entire day, had to cancel dinner and call my mom sobbing, woo! I schedule a meeting with a dietician counselor and a doctor to try anxiety medicine

then the next week I come down with SHINGLES the old person sickness that is SO PAINFUL and im only 24! I go to the ER and doctors say its from stress. They give me shots and magic pills, one of them is gabapentin, usually prescribed for nerve pain, which I had a lot of.

The next day I am like a different person. When I get ready for work I don't body check. I dont stare at my thighs in the mirror on the way out the door. I don't panic about what I will have for breakfast, or how I look. its like the eating disorder fell out of my brain. I research my pills and gabepentin is also rarely prescribed for anxiety.

This past week has felt like a much needed vacation from my eating disorder. Sometimes the pills make me sleepy or nauseous but that is NOTHING compared to the relief of not having the compulsive thoughts and urges, and not worrying about what I will have for dinner in 5 days. I feel like I was a completely different person 3 weeks ago when I was sobbing over going to dinner.


And a really great side effect that im not sure will last.....I have NO appetite. That could have made me spiral into not eating but without the thoughts I have no desire to lose weight, so I just eat when I want to taste something yummy. One thing that would trigger me is that feeling of being hungry/empty, and I don't have that anymore which is very helpful. I was weighed when I went to the doctor again today, and I am still at the lowest end of a healthy BMI, which I don't HAVE to stay at, but its nice knowing my weight didn't skyrocket once I started just eating what I want when I want to.


I have been in recovery for over a year with some lapses here and there, so it might not have been just the pill, but my mind was still hell a lot of the time before it. While anxiety medicine might not work for everyone, and this specific kind might not work for you, I wanted to share!! I just got a prescription for 6 months of it and ill update in the future :)

---

Binge Panic Attack
/u/borrellia
Created: Mon Jun 25 19:46:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tw3mj/binge_panic_attack/
---
I binged so fucking badly today & I’m about to have a panic attack thinking about it all & I’m in public & really can’t handle this at all. What do you guys do when this happens?? Can someone talk me down?? I feel like I’ve gained back all the weight I’ve lost this month. Please. I can’t take that. I’m so scared I’ve ruined everything.

---

[Discussion] what is laxative abuse exactly?
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Mon Jun 25 19:44:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tw31k/what_is_laxative_abuse_exactly/
---
what exactly is laxative abuse? i know this sounds naive but i don't really understand it or how/if it works.

i've had digestion problems since developing my ED and recently have started taking magesium powder, fiber, and an herbal senna laxative. i take a lot of the magnesium/fiber (like probably 3 times the recommended amount) and take the senna daily. is this too much? my stool has uh, loosened up, but it's probably too loose now if you catch my drift (and a funny color). not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing but it feels better than being constipated all the time. sorry, it's a bit gross.

---

My god I can’t
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Mon Jun 25 19:43:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tw2tz/my_god_i_cant/
---
I can’t be in this body any longer. This fat blob is not me. How did I let myself get here. I need to stop failing. This is awful.

Just had to get it out.

---

[Rant/Rave] Opposite of vanity sizing has made me spiral????
/u/sexqueenofficial
Created: Mon Jun 25 19:42:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tw2j5/opposite_of_vanity_sizing_has_made_me_spiral/
---
Sorry I’m on mobile if this is fucked for you.

I had my first mall change room meltdown in forever.

I went to Urban Outfitters with my friend wearing a cute off the shoulder tight top and tight jeans. I’ve been doing pretty well recently and thought I was looking good.

I tried on three shirts, all in size Large, since I am quite tall (180cm or 5’11) and have huge ass titties (34DD last time I was measured).

None of the fucking shirts fit. They were loose and my tits did NOT fit in them. They we hanging out everywhere and pinching giving me armpit vagina and I looked just so fucking huge.

I told my friend I had to pee and sobbed in the bathroom for 10 minutes.

I was doing so well but of course I was like “hey fat bitch!!!!!” And obvi didn’t eat for the rest of the day except a couple of shots (lol).

Now I’m back in this restricting/binging game!!!!! Just when I’m good it turns out I’m not and I’m still fucking crazy and disordered!!!!!!!!!

---

At the therapist today I realized I really do have an ED and it's pretty severe
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Mon Jun 25 19:14:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tvx0y/at_the_therapist_today_i_realized_i_really_do/
---
I know many of us feel the frauds here, I know I sure have! But holy shit after therapy today listening to myself I truly realized how bad its gotten (not even being active on this sub has lol). I'm bulimic and purging anywhere from once a week to everyday and its been worse recently. I purged last Tuesday and couldn't stop shaking afterwards, yet I purged again on Thursday and last night. I've been restricting and feeling really good about it but obviously my therapist is worried.

Reasons why its really bad now despite the fact that I'm overweight:

* Purging obviously, but now starting to feel health effects from it
* Actually wanting to stop purging and then doing it again anyway
* Obsession with calories when I tried to follow a plan by a nutritionist. Feeling satiated as much as I did those two weeks I followed a healthy plan I had to obsessively count calories bc I felt like it was too much food. It was exhausting and I gave up.
* Thinking that if I'm not hungry all the time I cant possibly be losing weight
* Obsessing about the 30 calorie difference in different flavors of yogurt
* Skipping meals
* Skipping plans with friends because I'm worried I'll overeat and undo my progress
* Mood increase with restriction
* Obsessive calorie counting with what I eat and what I exercise off
* Intense fear of eating 6 times a day and anxiety about tracking my calories
* I find it easier to just not eat rather than figure out how many calories something has and keep track of it
* Planning on not counting calories and then doing it anyway
* OMAD so I dont have to obsess about counting is apparently not something normal people do
* Thinking of food as only a fun thing and that I dont deserve to do something I enjoy
* Thinking I cant start my life or dating until I lose weight
* Occasionally taking an extra adderall instead of eating (But I only do this after a day I only took one dose instead of two, I still go through my rx at a normal rate, I've never run out of it before my next refill is due)
* Weighing myself very often, multiple times per day
* The scale dictates if I get to eat or not sometimes
* Being so overwhelmed with making a grocery list I just cant fucking do it
*Going to the grocery store only to realize I just bought bag o salad or a bunch of things that dont constitute a meal or leaving without buying anything
* Thoughts about food consume me for most of the day everyday
* I freak out if while eating out someone gets my order wrong after I carefully planned my order and felt okay about eating it
* Not being able to tell if I'm full until I'm stuffed
* Feeling anxious and guilty when I'm full but anxious but not guilty when I'm hungry
* Vaping instead of meals to suppress my hunger
* I cant exercise regularly without becoming obsessed with calculating how many calories I've burned

---

[Rant/Rave] High ED thoughts
/u/semperxvivum
Created: Mon Jun 25 19:04:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tvuir/high_ed_thoughts/
---
Fuck fasting feels so good high. I'm so in tune with my own body. I feel my skin is smaller around my Self, like these 20 hours of fasting are making the universe hug my form a little tighter.

I feel the flow of my blood, hydrated, nourishing me, pumping, thriving.

I feel my skeleton beneath, within, beyond. I am beyond. This universe is vast. Time is an unending, turning wheel. Why in the world would I eat? What could it possibly matter? "Sustain" me? For another paltry few hours? I am endless.

Having nothing in me means I am entirely myself. I am myself, and the smoke in my lungs, until I exhale it into the atmosphere to dissolve. Until I exhale myself into the atmosphere to dissolve.

Food? Absolutely unnecessary. Trivial. I am Beyond.

---

[Other] Go to bed
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Mon Jun 25 18:56:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tvsfw/go_to_bed/
---
https://i.redd.it/u8vkwtq5u8611.png

---

does anyone love shopping in the kid's section?
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Mon Jun 25 18:50:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tvqtx/does_anyone_love_shopping_in_the_kids_section/
---
almost all my clothes are for 10-12 year old girls and i'm a 32 year old woman. the fabric is nicer, the clothes are more playful/stylish and it's cheap!

the only sad thing is the fit is better in part because my breasts are very small now and i have a thick waist, like a little girl. it's not fat, i just have really narrow hips so i'm all straight up and down. so girl-ish empire dresses really suit me.

---

Weight/food excuses when working in mental health?
/u/VividNaamah
Created: Mon Jun 25 18:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tvmw1/weightfood_excuses_when_working_in_mental_health/
---
I'm facing quite the dilemma. I have an upcoming 9 month internship and will be working closely with people who are therapists, nurses, and dieticians. There will be many catered lunches for staff only and some for the staff and residents to interact together. They also accommodate for all diets and allergies.


How the hell do I get out of it? How will I placate the questions that arise from working closely with people, having the same schedule, not eating, and noticeably losing weight?


Some people will know me from two semesters ago when I weighed 90 lbs more. I'm not underweight but I'm sure it will be a shock. That, combined with not eating...I don't want to arise suspicions.


I'm tempted to say I had gastric bypass but that would be such an awkward lie, amd really none of their business.

Any ideas?

---

[Goal] decided im gonna up my cals a bit
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Mon Jun 25 18:23:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tvl7r/decided_im_gonna_up_my_cals_a_bit/
---
from 800 to 1000. i know its not much but i think it'll help with my energy. ive been crashing lately and my work life has been suffering because of it. if i still feel dead i'll up a bit more but i don't want to trigger myself back into low restriction and b/p cycles. baby steps. wish me luck <3

---

Thoughts on protein powder and tahini?? Fear food or no?
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Mon Jun 25 18:13:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tviq1/thoughts_on_protein_powder_and_tahini_fear_food/
---
Hi everyone, I have started having protein shakes for lunch. What are your thoughts? It seems quite high calorie but I think I need the protein...
Protein powder 92 cal
Tbs tahini 90 cal
Banana 90 cal
Almond milk 60 cal
330 cal total
Should I cut it to half a banana and no tahini??

---

[Other] Bridesmaid dress fitting and becoming the smaller friend.
/u/ladeda1312
Created: Mon Jun 25 17:50:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tvd8b/bridesmaid_dress_fitting_and_becoming_the_smaller/
---
So this has been on my mind this past weekend since my bridesmaid fitting for my friend B's wedding and I wanted to share it. It's long and there is a tl;dr at the bottom.

Just a bit of background before the actual story. My friend and I have known each other for around 15 years and we are pretty close friends, used to be best friends, though I think that has changed in the past few years. Something that we have always discussed with each other is our weights, because we are both the same height (5'2), and when we were both younger, we both had a decent amount to lose (20-30 pounds). Well, in college, she had lost all the weight she had wanted and got to the size she had wanted, while I actually gained. I was always very supportive of her and complimented her because I was so happy for her success and it gave me a lot of inspiration to change as well and actually start my own journey.

It wasn't until the end of my senior year in college that I really decided to change after getting to my highest weight ever. Since then, I've worked for the past 3 years to get to where I am now. For the first year, I lost 25 pounds. And then I maintained for another year. I regained about 10 pounds and then once I was out of a crap relationship, I decided to put effort back into reaching my weight loss and body goals. Since January 2018, I lost the 10 pounds I regained, plus another 15 pounds which I've maintained till today. So I am now the tiniest I have been since I was a freshman in high school, which is difficult to wrap my mind around, because I still view myself as the weight I used to be 25 pounds ago. Sometimes before putting on my smaller-sized clothing, I hesitate and wonder if it will fit, even though some of those clothing pieces I've already worn out quite a few times already.

About 2 months ago, I had met B for lunch after not seeing her for almost 6 months. I noticed that she had gained some of her weight back. I didn't say anything of course and we started to eat our meal. We started talking about driver's license renewal and she brought hers out to show me that she recently got hers done and handed it to me. I saw her weight and realized that I actually weigh less than her now after her being the tinier friend for probably the past 6 years. And then as we were eating, I realized that she hadn't said anything to me about my weight loss, which is totally fine, but for me, a little unexpected since we've always been so open about it. And I guess considering she's my closest friend, I thought she'd be the one to notice, since other people in my life (a few coworkers, some family, and a couple other friends) have commented about it and how tiny I'm getting. Again, I don't expect her to comment or anything, and maybe she doesn't want to considering her own gain, I just thought it was something she would do.

Anyway, now the actual event that happened this past weekend. My friend scheduled a bridesmaid fitting for her wedding and a few weird things happened. As we were walking into the bridal shop, she comments, "Btw, the dress sizes run a bit small here. I had to size up and now I'm a size 8." I just said ok to her and nothing more. Checking in, we got assigned a sales associate to help us and she led us to the dresses for us to choose from, tells us she'll be back to help, and walks away. As we start looking through dresses, my friend says, "So I think you're a size 8 like me." I just shrugged and said I'll try on a variety of sizes since I'm not too sure what I am at the moment and picked sizes (4-12) out. I thought that comment of hers was a bit weird considering that even though I have a difficult time picturing what my body looks like right now and appears to others, I did somewhat know that I was a tad smaller than her. But then again, maybe we were the same size, so I let it go.

The sales associate came back and took the dresses we picked out to a dressing room. We followed her over and she asked me what size I was. I told her that I didn't know. She then paused, looked me up and down, and then said, "I think you're a size 4. Maybe a 6." My friend then interjected and said, "Actually, I think she might be a size 8 like me." She said something else about how the dresses are small and she had to size up, therefore I'll be the same. The sales associate looked at me again and said, "Hmm I think you're a 4. Maybe even a 2." She ignored B's comments and went to go get more of those sizes for me. My friend then turned towards me and was acting excited about me trying the dresses on. So I went into the dressing room, feeling a little weirded out by my friend's comment and also a little hurt that my weight loss wasn't noticeable to her, despite her commenting on my size in a roundabout way.

So I went into the dressing room and decided to try a size 4 on. It fit really well, except I couldn't zip it up all the way because I couldn't reach. While in there, I couldn't believe that it fit me and I was extremely excited for myself and to show her. I came out and she seemed happy and then I asked her for her help. Before even trying to zip me up, she said, "I think you might need one size bigger." I was a little taken aback and just asked her if she could see if it would zip. And it did...no struggle. She then proceeded to ask me if it was too tight, if I felt comfortable in it, and saying that she wanted to make sure that everything was good because she didn't want me to feel physically bad at the wedding since I'll be in the dress for a long time. I told her that I felt good and I honestly did, because it fit really well without squeezing even though I was bloated too. Her comments also made me rethink things though because I was wondering if she was trying to tell me that I looked bad in the dress and spilling out of it or something. The sales associate came back and asked me what size I had on and I told her. She gave me a look of approval and said it looked nice on me, and told me that she would get the other dresses I had already picked out in that size to try.

After a bit more time, I picked a dress and was really happy with it. My friend made one last comment along the lines of saying, "Ugh, you're a size 4, you butt." I laughed it off, but it kinda hurt. Just because throughout her entire journey, I always tried my best to be supportive and recognize her accomplishments. I guess I just wanted the same. She hasn't once commented about my weight loss, but her comments throughout the fitting were just strange. Or maybe I'm being too sensitive about it?

It also makes me a feel a bit weird too because I'm still in the process of losing another 15 pounds to get to my goal and I know I'll probably be in a smaller size by the time her wedding comes around. I don't want to make her feel bad about anything. I also don't want to stall my progress either.

It'd be nice to hear comments about what's going on and also how to handle the situation since I've never had this happen to me before. I'd also like to hear about your own experiences with weight loss and the reactions of others.

\---

TL;DR: I've lost quite a bit of weight. Friend hasn't seen me in a long time, asked me to be her bridesmaid, and we went to a dress fitting together. I'm a smaller size than her now and she kept making comments about what dress size I could be and other comments in relation to my size. Left me feeling a bit strange about things.

---

[Discussion] drug usage
/u/frailaspen
Created: Mon Jun 25 17:46:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tvc4f/drug_usage/
---
what kind of drugs do you use? did you start using specifically to lose weight? how much weight did you lose, has it even helped?

from september-february i was heavily using cocaine mainly and quickly went from my highest weight ever to my lowest weight since junior high, I was so happy with myself and how I looked but have since gained it back and then some. I’ve been considering going back to my old ways to lose the weight again because with all my meds and binge eating problem i can’t seem to lose anything at all anymore and feel so disgusting

curious on anyone’s experience with this?

---

[Rant/Rave] suicidal and miserable bc i ate 1500 cal
/u/absoluteunits
Created: Mon Jun 25 17:17:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tv4yi/suicidal_and_miserable_bc_i_ate_1500_cal/
---
i binged on a stale hunk of bread and Oreos which shoved me over wayyy over my goal and i really really really really really just don’t want to be alive anymore and i have no self control and i just never want to look at food again

---

Apples vs Oranges
/u/sleepyrats
Created: Mon Jun 25 17:00:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tv0lj/apples_vs_oranges/
---
So at work we are given free fruit from a giant bowl. I have a choice of gala apples, granny smith apples, navel oranges, Chinese water pears and bananas (nope). I only allow myself 1 serving of the fruit a day when I get super hungry.

So what would you eat in this situation? The apple or the orange (or something else?)? I looked on mfp and they are roughly the same calories for each, and I do try and find the smallest fruit in the bowl every day.

Just interested in your thoughts 😅😇

---

I'm quitting purging
/u/daeboo
Created: Mon Jun 25 16:47:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tuxfx/im_quitting_purging/
---
I don't know why I made this post. Part accountability, part frustration. I've been binging and purging at least once a day, at most five times a day, for the last two years. I'm sick of being passive bystander in my own life because I'm too numb to do anything about it. I'm tired of only being excited for binges and clean purges and absolutely nothing else.

I'm just going to stop purging and taking laxatives no matter what happens. Absolutely no purging or laxatives. I give up. If I continue binging and gaining weight, so be it. If I find that I've eroded all my willpower and even stopping purging has no effect on my mentality, if I've truly become an irreparable shell of a person, its on me.

But I have to hope that at the end of this torture, because I'm sure its going to be fucking torture, there will be some semblance of a life to go back to. And even if I have to build one from nothing, I look forward to starting.

---

[Discussion] Purging
/u/llmccormickk
Created: Mon Jun 25 16:46:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tux5u/purging/
---
For those of you who purge, does it always just look like phlegm to you? How do you when you’ve known up enough of your meal? Do you purge right after a meal or wait a little?

I have no friends with EDs and I’m curious what other peoples experiences are like. Please share 🤗💕

---

accountability partner?
/u/very-fruitful
Created: Mon Jun 25 16:40:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tuvky/accountability_partner/
---
[removed]

---

Being Gay with an ED
/u/apotatosaladfan
Created: Mon Jun 25 16:39:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tuvbc/being_gay_with_an_ed/
---
Bitch I don't know if i want to be a tall, hot skinny completely evil bitch or if I want to fuck a tall, hot bitch.

Like I can't ever grow to be above 5'4 and I feel like that permanently makes me 'cute' no matter how fit or sexy I look. I'm never going to be enigmatic and mean. But also every time I look at thinspo people like the girl who plays Heather Chandler or literally any mean, tall hot girl (@regina George) I genuinely get lost between if I want them to fuck me or if i want to be them

I'm also really confused as to how anyone could ever date me when there are so many hot girls?? But also how can I date anyone where there are so many hot girls????

---

[Discussion] Out of curiousity - how has your ED affected your social life?
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Mon Jun 25 16:20:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tuqln/out_of_curiousity_how_has_your_ed_affected_your/
---
Just curious. I've always been the type of have just a few friends but avoiding many of the social situations revolving around food made me avoid almore than just occasional hangouts..

---

Find ED friends on facebook?
/u/Firerose157
Created: Mon Jun 25 16:16:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tupgy/find_ed_friends_on_facebook/
---
Mobile discussion/help

Looking for friends locally (Big Island HI), how should I go about posting w/o family seeing? MPA meetups arent too active and i dont see ED fb groups here - not sure where to look for an ed buddy my age (almost 20) here

---

[Discussion] Weird food?
/u/monstersona
Created: Mon Jun 25 15:59:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tuku6/weird_food/
---
Whats the weirdest thing you've ordered/eaten in an attempt to stay low cal? I get a gluten free pizza from dominos, no cheese, light sauce, extra jalapenos, banana peppers, and black olives. It tastes kind of like a subway sandwich and the whole thing is only 480 calories, so I can get one and have it as a meal for the whole day! I just wanna see what other weird things people eat so I know I'm not the only one.

---

Starting to become addicted to burgers and I want to stop in already feeling like a fat peace of shit because of it.
/u/disneyprincess1986
Created: Mon Jun 25 15:33:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tudtj/starting_to_become_addicted_to_burgers_and_i_want/
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So for the past week I have started to become addicted to burgers and I don't know how to stop. I'm already feeling like a fat peace of shit because of it. I want to start looseing weight and get to the weight I was before.

---

C
/u/clothes1333
Created: Mon Jun 25 15:24:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tub7k/c/
---
Cv

---

[Rant/Rave] Spent the weekend at a music festival
/u/fiyacht524
Created: Mon Jun 25 15:15:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tu8sw/spent_the_weekend_at_a_music_festival/
---
Idk sorry if this rant seems silly and rambly, I just need to get it out I guess.

Iwas at a music festival over the weekend, I'd been at this particular one before, and I gotta say it was unreal. The weather was glorious, straight up sunshine the whole time, plus the line up was pretty awesome too.

Anyway, one of the girls in our group I've known for years now, and she 100% is anorexic. Everyone kind of knows it. All weekend I was comparing myself to her, she's so so skinny and gorgeous (albeit a jerk though).
Due to the weather and it being a festival, all the girls were wearing very skimpy, revealing outfits. I was actually able to bring my goal weight shorts and wore them confidently (yay me!), but I couldn't stop looking at her and comparing myself and being jealous. Her legs are absolute goals, they're basically the same size from ankle to upper thigh. Her waist is teeny with a very prominent ribcage. I felt sort of self conscious in my little bralettes, but she wore them with so much confidence. I know I looked like a whale next to her.
I mean, we do not get on at all, But she openly acts very rudely towards me. I know it's just issues from the past, but my ED head tells me she hates me because she thinks I'm fat and that I'm not thin enough to warrant her being nice.

Also on a side note, I forgot to bring a ground mat for my tent, so slept on the hard ground all weekend. Now have bruises along my hip bones, rib cage and spinal cord. Happy days.

---

[Discussion] remeron mirtazapine for anorexia weight gain
/u/reanbean117
Created: Mon Jun 25 15:12:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tu7xn/remeron_mirtazapine_for_anorexia_weight_gain/
---
Has anyone been on remeron? I've been on it since being in inpatient in January. I'm slowly lowering my dose down to 7.5mg currently. I want to be off of it for good. The carb cravings are insane! I crave things I don't even like. Has anyone been off remeron and lost weight?

---

I briefly hit my pre-EDO weight (BMI 20) last week...
/u/InSkyLimitEra
Created: Mon Jun 25 14:15:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ttr4u/i_briefly_hit_my_preedo_weight_bmi_20_last_week/
---
...and Facebook suddenly started showing me ads for plus-size women’s clothing companies. Sizes up to 32. I shit you not.

🙄

---

[Help] My fiancé might have an ED too
/u/idahobeachhouse
Created: Mon Jun 25 14:10:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ttpth/my_fiancé_might_have_an_ed_too/
---
I’ve been with my fiancé for 7 years now and I’ve NEVER worried about his eating habits before. Like. Ever. He would eat a whole jar of peanut butter, a huge chipotle burrito, and 5 sodas and just gain .02 pounds. In the seven years we’ve been dating, he’s gained MAYBE 15 pounds. But it’s been an even gain all over, so it barely shows. He has a cute lil tummy that I love actually.

But he’s been spiraling into a deep depression lately. He’s going to therapy, but it’s still obviously affecting him. We were talking about food yesterday and he said that he hates eating because of his body, but binges anyway since he’s gonna hate his body either way. I felt like I’ve said this very thing before. It scared me.

I encouraged him to “diet” with me (aka him actually eating better and me restricting quietly) but he’s definitely not eating enough and freaks out every time he has too many snacks. I feel like this is my fault, since he knows about my ED and I’ve always been very obvious with it. The other part of me is almost.... happy? Like I can restrict and not worry! Purge and not care! I feel like shit for thinking like that. I just don’t know what to do or how to help since this is VERY triggering for me. I feel like a bad fiancée now.

---

[Discussion] finally worked in kitchen at work today
/u/clemintide
Created: Mon Jun 25 13:52:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ttkgn/finally_worked_in_kitchen_at_work_today/
---
i’ve been working at mcdonald’s for almost 3 years now, which all i ever did was the service line. today my managers put me back in the kitchen during breakfast to learn grill which is cooking all of the food like eggs and bacon.

it felt so so satisfying i should’ve done this sooner!! the food is kinda gross looking but i loved knowing that i was cooking all of this “unhealthy/fatty” food for people to eat and not me. i could’ve done it all day. it was lovely up until i had to put all of the mcgriddle cakes into a bin, because that’s when i got too in my head and only imagined binging on all of them. mcgriddles are my weakness haha. but i’m looking forward to learning more just not when i’m hungry/heavy into a fast. :o

anyone else work with food preparation and what is that like for you?

---

[Rant/Rave] when u starve urself for a week and can’t break plateau 🙃
/u/fiascofiesta
Created: Mon Jun 25 13:40:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ttgxl/when_u_starve_urself_for_a_week_and_cant_break/
---
i’m feel so frustrated lately. in march, i started a new medicine that made me gain 12 pounds. i switched medications and lost 5 pounds immediately doing nothing different. hooray!

.... but i’ve been fasting or sub-500 restricting (hence “eaten”... i’ve eaten but normies call my meals snacks) for the past week, AND i work a very active job and have worked 50 hours in the past week... and i’ve lost 0.2 pounds and i’m bloated and gross. what the FUCK body?? gimme a woosh :(

just needed to vent. i have no one to talk to abt this irl but my friends keep offering me fuckin tacos and granola bars and i had to rage before i snap on one of them lol

---

[Rant/Rave] Guy I was talking to for 4 months ghosted me after we slept together and now I never want to eat again.
/u/mina1200
Created: Mon Jun 25 13:38:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ttgdg/guy_i_was_talking_to_for_4_months_ghosted_me/
---
I feel like absolute shit. At least I haven’t had a meal in almost 6 days so feeling quite great about that.

---

[Discussion] Ridiculously fucking good at purging
/u/fuckingupleftnright
Created: Mon Jun 25 13:36:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ttfys/ridiculously_fucking_good_at_purging/
---
Anyone else struggle not to purge because they're just naturally good at it? Not even from years of ED necessarily just like a good puker? Every time I eat when no-one is around the siren call of purging is there because of the ease.

I just purged a huge toasted bacon grilled cheese in around 2 mins, no sounds, no splashback and no residue anywhere but my puking hand... what is wrong w me.

---

[Rant/Rave] Ayyyy getting them "Divorce Diet" gainzz
/u/dietdisorder
Created: Mon Jun 25 13:30:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tte23/ayyyy_getting_them_divorce_diet_gainzz/
---
Okay, so we weren't married, but we were talking about it. "Divorce Diet" just sounds better than "Breakup Diet." Anyway, my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up with me on Saturday. Since then, I've maybe had 500 (?) calories and I've cried out all the tears my body can hold. Upside: this had to happen eventually (we've been drifting apart for awhile) AND I'm now 2 lbs from my first goal weight of 135. I wasn't planning on hitting that until Mid-July. Sure, it is going to be a lot of water weight, but let me live in this small delusion for a minute. It's making it easier.

---

[Rant/Rave] Rip Gw
/u/damnbitchimfatasf
Created: Mon Jun 25 13:26:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ttd5m/rip_gw/
---
Sorry if this is scatterbrained but I'm kind of frazzled right now.

Like 20 mins ago i broke down because I'm losing a close guy friend and found myself breaking my fast and eating like half the bag of rice crispy cereal. What is wrong with me?? I literally broke a plateau and last week amd decide to self sabatoge myself and binge like a fatass. I feel like a fool. I can feel my stomach and thighs expanding :(((

---

[Discussion] I Just Found out that one of the foods I used to eat as a ‘light-meal’ is SOO full of calories
/u/cas215
Created: Mon Jun 25 13:13:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tt9gk/i_just_found_out_that_one_of_the_foods_i_used_to/
---
Last summer when I was at this dance intensive, I would go to the grocery store and buy this cup of Sliced kiwi, it would last me a day or two and I would eat it as a replacement for lunch figuring that it was probably pretty low in calories, but I never thought to check because I just figured the whole thing is probably 500. Today I looked it up.

THE WHOLE BOWL WAS 1,700 CALORIES.

I sat down to eat it and thank GOD I decided to plug it into the fitbit app first because I actually almost screamed.

1/4 a cup is 160 calories

FOR A FRUIT!!!

I feel cheated and lied to and so angry
But also so glad i didnt eat it and so glad i

A)wasnt this mentally ‘sick’ last summer
B) didnt look this up last summer

---

Smile linelines ugh
/u/Pinkdustbunny
Created: Mon Jun 25 13:09:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tt829/smile_linelines_ugh/
---
I am just wondering if anyone else has very deep smile lines due to being underweight or possibly from a protien deficiency? Mine may also be from having narrow teeth. I dont think they're from aging since theyve been deep since I was a teenager. I am obsessed with mine they are all I think about lately. I want to get juviderm so badly and I dont want to see anybody until I fix them. I'm obsessed with my appearance. Idk what to do because I dont have the money right now. I just graduated from college and I dont have a job yet.

---

[Help] Food In NYC...
/u/cas215
Created: Mon Jun 25 13:06:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tt7ew/food_in_nyc/
---
I just moved NYC for the next six weeks, no parents or people (except RAs and roommates) to really be watching out. But it’s really hard when I am constantly exercising and have so much food constantly around me. This city is full of food. I was able to get to the store to get new laxatives yesterday(had to get rid of mine)
Im finding it so hard to resist, i have hoarded snacks and an ability to get literally ANYTHING I want to eat in 20 minutes, im definitely not in Kentucky anymore. HELP!

---

[Help] Reddit Question??
/u/llmccormickk
Created: Mon Jun 25 13:06:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tt7bd/reddit_question/
---
How do you guys get it to say your height, weight, BMI etc by your names?

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like a fraud because they need to try to lose weight?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Mon Jun 25 12:45:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tt0yv/does_anyone_else_feel_like_a_fraud_because_they/
---
I think I have this idea in my mind that people with EDs don’t even have to try to lose weight, they’re so scared of food that they’re never even around it and would never even consider eating it. And so then I feel like a fraud because I try so hard to lose and even then sometimes I can’t make it happen... does anyone else relate?

---

[Goal] Triggering but finally reached 15.7 bmi. I tried attempting recovery but it was too difficult ended up in a massive relapse which got me down to my goal weight. I’m happy but kinda not? I wanna go lower again. My lowest was 14.4bmi..
/u/sleepydisorder
Created: Mon Jun 25 12:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tsze4/triggering_but_finally_reached_157_bmi_i_tried/
---
https://i.redd.it/z05fgfj8z6611.jpg

---

I got myfitnesspal!
/u/snottygurl
Created: Mon Jun 25 12:39:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tsz8x/i_got_myfitnesspal/
---
I've been on a super binging phase for the past month or so and I'm noticing it a lot. I decided last night that enough is enough and I'm going to go back to a heavier restricting phase. I may even try to throw in some fasting every now and then. I'm super excited because I lost a lot of weight right after my break up in January and then slowly gained it back (and more) the past couple months.

---

[Help] How to hide smoking at home?
/u/edthrowaway77
Created: Mon Jun 25 12:27:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tsvq5/how_to_hide_smoking_at_home/
---
Hey y’all
I’m back from treatment (4 months IP ugh) and I started smoking again there. My parents think I quit but well I haven’t and I need to figure out how to make sure they don’t find out I am doing it at home.

---

Self-induced vicious cycle
/u/glossboy
Created: Mon Jun 25 11:52:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tslk1/selfinduced_vicious_cycle/
---
Everything's just a cycle to me. I don't know how to vocalize that I'm in pain for no reason so I have to inflict it myself, and in order to feel like I exist or have a reason to exist I need that high so I abuse stacks and I live off of the 30 minutes of emotional high then I crash and it gives me horrible suicidal feelings and then the lack of nutrition throws me into a whirlpool of depression because my body's just giving me a big 'FUCK YOU.' And then I repeat everything to relieve the pain from it all. Isn't it great how depression and eating disorders go so well together? They fuel each other so I can't leave.

---

Messed up bux order
/u/ButterflyRS
Created: Mon Jun 25 11:43:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tsiq4/messed_up_bux_order/
---
Starbucks messed up my order... I’m so upset by this. They don’t get what it’s like to have ONE item you look forward to, that balances me, I drink my coffee and then I’m set for the day - a good day. And it’s freaking expensive. I wanted to scream when I poured that hot chocolate down the drain. It also upsets me I feel “tricked” into consuming something that wasn’t what I thought it was - regardless if it was a sip.

---

[Rant/Rave] If my BMI is underweight when I come home I will have to get help
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Mon Jun 25 11:33:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tsfqy/if_my_bmi_is_underweight_when_i_come_home_i_will/
---
I am currently working abroad and trying to lose weight and just relapsing totally into my ED. I don't weigh myself because it is too hard on me, I just can't know because I panic too much (anyone else like this?)

My boyfriend is aware of my eating disorder problems and he is supportive and also a bit worried. So we have agreed that if my BMI is underweight when I get home then I will get help (support group, treatment, something like this) and if it is not underweight then we will just work together to try to have a healthy lifestyle and workout etc. I think that could help because he really makes me eat enough and we workout together and it is a lot healthier than what I do on my own (starve and cry)

I am just scared because I don't want to get help but I also feel like if my BMI was underweight I would finally be valid and more deserving of some kind of treatment and therapy.

IDK what the point of this post is just needed to vent

---

How long do your plateaus last?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Mon Jun 25 11:33:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tsfmz/how_long_do_your_plateaus_last/
---
I've been stuck at the same weight for 5 days but burn about half a pound a day. I'm on a deadline and I'm so scared I won't make it. I'm too scared to have a spike day. :(

---

"What are you going to do, eat 30 calories?"
/u/planetarydisaster
Created: Mon Jun 25 11:31:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tsf7w/what_are_you_going_to_do_eat_30_calories/
---
Not a very interesting story, but it did hurt a lot.
I have a small group of friends (4 people including me) that know about my ED.
I was feeling down because I had gone on tumblr and was feeling terrible about my body and my weight.
Two of them knew this, because I had my face camera on call and I was obviously down.

My friend, the only other girl in the group, is talking about something and goes 'Man I'm gonna fuck up my body even more.'

Right as she says this, one of the guys looks up and immediately goes 'What are you going to do, eat 30 calories?'

And I just *broke*, because he knows how sensitive I am about this and he still decided to say something.

Sorry, pointless story but I need to tell someone

---

[Rant/Rave] starving and emotional numbness
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Mon Jun 25 11:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tsbxv/starving_and_emotional_numbness/
---
this might sound screwed up but i kind of like the fact that i'm emotionless/numb due to my ED. in fact i think its the main thing thats keeping me from recovering. i've gone through a lot of trauma and i find comfort in not feeling those emotions as much anymore. my ED has dumbed my life down to a very basic routine which gives me a sense of reward, control and predictability, as unhealthy as it may be. sucks that my body is deteriorating though lol i'm weak and boney af.

---

Craving thread!
/u/SpeckledCollie
Created: Mon Jun 25 10:21:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tru52/craving_thread/
---
What are you craving today? I'm writing it here so I don't actually get it.

Battenburg cake. Fuck, I could eat a whole battenburg right now.

---

Dinner is 2 soft pretzels and 6 shots of vodka. Oops.
/u/foreverthefatgirl
Created: Mon Jun 25 10:01:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tro4s/dinner_is_2_soft_pretzels_and_6_shots_of_vodka/
---
https://i.redd.it/we1ivsx176611.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] When your boyfriend uses your bulimic tendencies in an argument against you...
/u/narkreturn
Created: Mon Jun 25 09:59:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8trngr/when_your_boyfriend_uses_your_bulimic_tendencies/
---
When you have an argument with your partner and he uses the fact that you throw up after meals even though you promised him you’ll stop, against you 🙃

Like thanks for bringing it up even though it has no relevance to what we are talking about at all. Thanks for making me feel like shit. I open up to you for help and you just use it against me because you’re upset/mad at me.
Like I didn’t “lie” to you, I wanted to stop and I am, it’s just not that easy.
Thanks for trying to shame me and thanks for making me feel like I can never tell you anything ever again.

Rant over.

---

[Other] New pic for my ED journal (funny)
/u/Baby-Baphomet
Created: Mon Jun 25 09:45:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8trjhr/new_pic_for_my_ed_journal_funny/
---
https://i.redd.it/x32kcmx646611.jpg

---

What time do you usually start eating?
/u/TinyLittleStars66
Created: Mon Jun 25 09:36:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8trgwg/what_time_do_you_usually_start_eating/
---
I’ve noticed that I don’t really eat anything before noon and the later it is in the day the more okay I am with eating. Like a lot of the time I’ll eat lunch at like 3:30 or 4 and obviously breakfast is coffee and I smoke a cigarette so that’s first thing in the morning. Does anybody else do this?

---

Hit 2nd (final-ish??) goal weight! Lost 133 lbs in 18 months.
/u/LosingLemur
Created: Mon Jun 25 09:26:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8trdwc/hit_2nd_finalish_goal_weight_lost_133_lbs_in_18/
---
This is literally the only place where I can share this because I try my best to hide The Crazy from friends/family, at least in terms of the obsessive bits. I was 270lbs in January 2017, and this morning the scale said 139.5 - I cannot believe I'm finally at this point; 140 was a "happy weight" in my memory from college (waaaay back when) even though I never considered myself thin, and frankly still don't. When I finally hit rock bottom a year and a half ago the idea that I'd ever be back under 140 would have made me laugh hysterically and then probably sob into a family-size bag of chex mix. It's been a long hard road, with many - MANY - fuck ups, backsliding, and days/even weeks of binging sidelining things. So for all the ProED peeps out there, especially the lurkers like I am/was, that are at a higher BMI or a higher current weight than the 'average' ED'er, please please don't ever think that you can't do it. I can admit here - and this is the ONLY place I can admit it - that I've fought with BED for years and years, and have flipped to the other side of the ED coin of restriction for the past year or so (with stupid fuck-up binges here and there). And all along the way, this community has seriously been the most supportive, non-judgmental, comforting place... I lurked for a looooong time before ever making a new account to comment now and then, but to all of you, thank you for being that sounding board and safety net to everyone in the community. I'm gonna go out and celebrate by buying 12 packs of diet coke and riced cauliflower and halo top in my motherfuckin' size 6 jeans. ;) (I know it ain't the holy grail of size zero, but considering I was wearing a size 22/24, just saying it sounds like a goddamn miracle!) I love you all.

---

[Rant/Rave] Dating.
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Mon Jun 25 09:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8trb5l/dating/
---
I'm going on a date tonight for the first time with a girl I met on tinder, I don't want to seem like a health freak or like I have an ED at all but I know ordering a purposely low calorie meal will make me look weird, I just want to feel normal :(

---

[Discussion] I think there’s a fine line between thin and emaciated. I would rather be thin. What do you guys think?
/u/clothes1333
Created: Mon Jun 25 09:15:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8trb08/i_think_theres_a_fine_line_between_thin_and/
---
[removed]

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Birthday binge
/u/toe-beanz
Created: Mon Jun 25 08:49:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tr3rf/birthday_binge/
---
Yesterday I ate pizza, brownies, a huge veggie burger and fries, at least ten beers, and ended the night with a drunken Cook Out meal (Atlanta girl here!). It was my best friend’s birthday and I just lost control. I didn’t log any of those calories and I’m feeling like a whale today, I don’t even want to know the exact damage I did. Ugh. I feel like fasting for the rest of my life because I still feel huge. I’m survive on coffee and veggie broth. Give me the strength.

---

[Rant/Rave] Got a new puppy and discovered fasting
/u/PM-ME-CORGIS
Created: Mon Jun 25 08:18:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tqva1/got_a_new_puppy_and_discovered_fasting/
---
I just got the most beautiful puppy (a Welsh corgi!!!) and I’ve been running around so much that food isn’t even an option! He keeps me up at night playing which avoids late-night binges, which leads to me napping through meals, and is always ready for a walk which gets me exercise and I’m too busy having fun to be hungry! I can’t tell anyone else rly about this exciting new discovery but I’m so happy rn and wanted to share it with y’all. Can’t wait to drop those pounds for the next school year in style!!!

---

[Discussion] DAE have their meals earlier in the day in order to not think about eating?
/u/zsobotka
Created: Mon Jun 25 08:09:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tqsn9/dae_have_their_meals_earlier_in_the_day_in_order/
---
I'm usually done eating between 3-5 pm in order to get it out of the way even if I'm not hungry.
I usually just have diet soda, tea, coffee or gum/mints if my stomach starts protesting.

---

[Rant/Rave] When your partner uses your bulimic tendencies against you in an argument...
/u/narkreturn
Created: Mon Jun 25 08:00:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tqqat/when_your_partner_uses_your_bulimic_tendencies/
---
[removed]

---

[Rant/Rave] [rave&rant] dropped a size or 2, and took a fucking binge.
/u/chzkayla
Created: Mon Jun 25 07:55:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tqp5g/raverant_dropped_a_size_or_2_and_took_a_fucking/
---
so today, i woke up, weigh myself, and was at a new lowest, 113lbs, felt fucking good, and then i was gonna meet my friend for lunch, which was 400cal.
was done with lunch, went shopping, and realize that wooohoooo i’m a size us0 in shirts and us4 in shorts. pretty happy, scratch that, fucking happy. if i was alone, i will probably cry out of happiness.

and by then i was already fasting, and when night time comes, guess what? homegirl decided to be a loser and have a salad. the salad became junk, and then after the junk came more junk, like fucking ice cream and some milk butter biscuit.

i’m probably gonna wake up weighing more that 113lbs, and i totally deserve that, and i just hate myself for it. yay

---

DAE just eat the same thing over and over again?
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Mon Jun 25 07:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tqmme/dae_just_eat_the_same_thing_over_and_over_again/
---
If i could i would only live on Monster Zero,Low fat greek yoghurt and blueberries lol

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Had a "normal" weekend
/u/ekwater
Created: Mon Jun 25 07:22:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tqgyj/had_a_normal_weekend/
---
I had a weekend of eating at maintenance, which actually was awesome! I felt normal + I usually tend to eat more on the weekends but I felt like I was able to enjoy food in moderation instead of comparatively little food or lots of food.

Woke up to the scale saying 124.5... whaaat. this makes me happy but also worried.

---

Something has been kinda bothering me
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Mon Jun 25 06:54:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tqa0r/something_has_been_kinda_bothering_me/
---
So I visited my family in my home town this month and the first time I saw my aunt she made a comment about how good I look because I clearly lost weight. I lost 15 lbs since the last time I visited. The thing is I'm now underweight and none of that weight was even lost in a healthy way. I've literally just been starving myself (which she doesn't know, I think I said something about how I've been eating better food since I moved out of my college dorms) and now she's in a way encouraging this behaviour. I know of course she didn't mean to, but how can I not take to heart that this is good when somebody literally told me I look better because of it? I know I shouldn't restrict, but this kind of positive reinforcement just makes me want to restrict even more. I feel like if I don't truly take control of my eating habits and get better that I'll just regress and start eating less again. In fact, I think I already am eating less now that I'm back home and nobody is constantly giving me food to eat.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! June 25, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 25 06:13:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tq0gq/weekly_stats_update_june_25_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for June 25, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 25, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 25 06:13:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tq0fe/daily_food_diary_june_25_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 25, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

UPDATE: 5 weeks ago I started birth control to try manage extreme period binging
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Mon Jun 25 05:45:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tpug8/update_5_weeks_ago_i_started_birth_control_to_try/
---
Over the past year, I've put two and two together and realised that the reason I can easily low restrict for two weeks of the month before *massive cravings and hunger* is my cycle. I lost my period when I was very underweight a couple years back and since it came back, my body's just been insane for literally half the month. Thinking about it, I first started feeling my ED kick in around age 12 - the year had my first. At this point I'm very certain my binge urges are hormonal.

So I asked here, researched around and a lot of you suggested trying hormonal BC - which I have always been wary off because of the *"it will make you fat"* thing. But thing is, I have struggled so hard trying to lose the weight I gained last year, went from 102 to more like 114 which looks very soft on my small frame and I feel like a failure - I *enjoy* restricting, it makes me feel calm.

Lost a couple of lbs this year but could never get below 109 due to the urges kicking in around shark week, so so so frustrating and THE BLOATING/SKIN SITUATION some days made me skip the day and not get out of bed, fuck periods. I'm sorry if this sounds dramatic.

Finally was like, this can't get worse, legit wanna die every month fuck it, I'll try the pill. Borderline cried asking the GP, she gave me Cerelle - the mini pill which is supposedly beneficial for bad PMS. I was 110 I think when I started the mini pill.

**5 weeks on** I am the lowest weight I've been in a year, 104lbs. 4 away from my ugw. On the dot as of today. I've lost around 6lbs since starting the pill and my I haven't had an urge as strong since. Won't lie, if I'm very hungover or let myself get too hungry, I'll likely binge but so far it's been the best decision of my year. I had spotting for the first three weeks which sucked but the bloating hasn't been as severe, my skin is just eh, but no specific breakouts anymore. It makes sense really I guess - no real period - no PMS - NO CRAVINGS. Massive ty to everyone who told me their experiences, I feel the most chill I have in a long long time. Honestly girls here, if you suffer from PMS binging I so so recommend keeping a period journal for a while & recording this, it's been life changing!!

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What a Filling Breakfast...
/u/ismoketoomuchweeed
Created: Mon Jun 25 05:29:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tpr29/what_a_filling_breakfast/
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https://i.redd.it/nr6cmgjfu4611.jpg

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[Goal] Ate normally!!! (First time in forever)
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Mon Jun 25 05:26:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tpqbg/ate_normally_first_time_in_forever/
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So after a lot of restriction - I ate!

Yesterday was my friend’s birthday and last minute he decided he would host dinner for us all leaving me two hours to digest the stress accompanying an actual meal.

I went to his and had the meal AND drank the wine/gin and didn’t panic or cry or purge. This is the first meal I’ve had in a long time and it was brilliant! I’m really proud and pleased.

Starter: leek and potato soup
Main: mashed potato, mushroom tartlet, asparagus
Dessert: cheese and crackers

It probably only came to a maximum of 1000 calories for the night which totals 1700-ish for the day but it was incredible.

That’s not to say I won’t be restricting from now on because I am; I just wanted to share my successes as someone who is really struggling with anorexia at the moment.

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Freeze-Dried Strawberries - Your New Go-To Safe Food
/u/peyton2724
Created: Mon Jun 25 04:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tpk1x/freezedried_strawberries_your_new_goto_safe_food/
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Hello everyone.

I am a fellow anorexic and fruit lover - but unfortunately fruit has a lottt of friggin calories. So, I usually didn’t eat fruit, and then binged on a bunch of it - not a good time.

Freeze dried strawberries have freaking saved me.

I’m not talking the dried fruit slices with the sugar and shit - I’m talking straight strawberries without the water. You can find them anywhere - promise.

These are god-send. They taste wonderful - satisfy sugar cravings - satisfy fruit cravings - satisfy chip cravings - and even satisfy salty cravings because these tears of god are savory and sweet.

Best part? You can eat a ton and it’s low cal.

I ate an entire bag of those suckers the size of my head and only consumed 220 calories. I call that a balanced day.

Seriously. Try freeze-dried strawberries. They will change your life.

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[Rant/Rave] Triggered.
/u/lyhndzie
Created: Mon Jun 25 00:59:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8togwz/triggered/
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This post is going to be a mess. You have been warned.

So my sister-in-law whom I live with abuses pain pills and sleeping pills, causing her to “sleepwalk”. She will move things, fall asleep standing up, break things, fall, etc. We have found CDs in the dishes, remotes in the fridge, things like that. We often have to pretend it’s just actual sleepwalking because her kids, who I also live with, don’t know she does these drugs.

So I’m in my garage tonight, smoking as I usually do, and I notice she is “sleepwalking” again. I go inside to play UNO with my husband and niece. Apparently, while I was inside, she had her way with my things outside.

I come out about an hour later, after she had found her way to her room, to find all of my things moved around. My laptop was flipped around and unplugged, the charger stuffed into a brand new purse which she had broken the zipper of. Random things like an iPod case were also shoved into the purse. A jacket of mine was balled up and hidden in a toolbox. But two specific things have me really messed up.

The first thing I noticed when I walked out there was a scale where my laptop usually is. And then I found multiple packs of razor blades all around the ground where I sit.

I’m beyond pissed off at the fact that my things were moved and broken, but the scale and razor blades?? I know she is so drugged up she doesn’t even know what she is doing, but I have always struggled with my weight and self harm issues. And those two things happen to be the focal point of all of this??

All I know is I’m definitely not hungry anymore. I haven’t eaten in 26 hours and I’m sure as heck not going to start now.

Sorry for the word vomit. Not even sure if any of this makes sense.

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[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend willing to help me lose weight
/u/Bleepbloopbroke
Created: Mon Jun 25 00:54:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tofzh/boyfriend_willing_to_help_me_lose_weight/
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Sorry for multiple posts but I wanted to separate this one from my other one I just posted

My bf is willing to help me lose weight even though I'm technically at a healthy weight. I'm really happy about this because he'll keep me accountable for my food and exercise, but I also feel a bit unsure.

He says he likes skinny girls and when I asked if he thought I was chubby (Yeah I'm one of those girls) he kinda hesitated. I feel like he does think I'm chubby which makes me sad because part of me always hopes that my perception of myself is off and this kinda just confirms that I really am chubby. It's not just in my head.

Anyway I'm hoping I can at least lose a solid 30 pounds with him helping me out

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[Rant/Rave] Hungry and I love it. Also does everyone here obsessively plan like I do?
/u/Bleepbloopbroke
Created: Mon Jun 25 00:47:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8toevl/hungry_and_i_love_it_also_does_everyone_here/
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Got so fat on vacation just looking at myself makes me want to throw up. But I'm hungry now and I fucking love it!

I've been going crazy the past few hours planning out my eating and exercise schedule for the next week. Hoping to get in at least an hour of cardio and an hour of other exercise in every day and take in less than 1200. I know that's a lot but since I've been eating so much I think it'll be easier to lower it gradually until I'm back at like 300-600 per day. And then hopefully I'll be in the 80s by next year.

So much love to everyone who reads my rants :) I appreciate knowing that others have crazy habits like I do.

Goal 1: get down to 99
Goal 2: 80s
Goal 3: disappear because I'm so thin (just a dream I have sometimes. Obvs not attainable)

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[Rant/Rave] I left for awhile to see if it made me feel better but I feel more alone with my disorder.
/u/InterchangeableMoon
Created: Mon Jun 25 00:23:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8toamo/i_left_for_awhile_to_see_if_it_made_me_feel/
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Title is kind of self explanatory. I stopped using the reddit app for awhile, partially so I wouldn’t fixate in this subreddit for awhile and partially because I just got more interested in other things on my phone.

I went off my birth control because I ran out of my prescription (recently got it renewed and haven’t started it yet), got an upper respiratory infection which kept me out of the gym for more than two weeks, then my period came again for the first time in 3 months... all of this has led to pretty significant bloating and potentially weight gain (I am scared to weigh myself right now) which almost triggered a massive breakdown tonight, and tbh the only thing good thing I did was not weigh myself to make it worse. I did measure my waist and I am 2” bigger than I was a month ago.

I want to die so badly. I hate that being skinny and perfect is one of my dreams. I hate that I feel like I have to give up that dream because I’m getting old and unattractive and no one wants me anyway. I’m tired of feeling like a burden on my friends in real life. I’m tired of explaining these feelings to people that don’t understand how bad this hurts and how different it is from other mental problems.

I feel like a human mistake. I feel disgusted by myself. I can’t look in mirrors anymore, not since I got sick. All I can do is look at before and after pictures of liposuction and rhinoplasties and wish that I wasn’t too poor to afford those surgeries. I am too broken to fix without anesthetic and professional work. My body is a cage I wish I wasn’t trapped in. My life is worthless and I’ve accomplished nothing and I am filled with so much anger and sadness and disgust and contempt for myself I don’t even know how to contain it anymore.

I wish I was special instead of just a failure. Another worthless waste of life. I am tired I hate myself.

Sorry for being incoherent. I’m too angry and stupid to come up with something meaningful.

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[Discussion] have you guys ever had a "Single White Female" experience?
/u/deathconscious
Created: Sun Jun 24 23:52:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8to5ax/have_you_guys_ever_had_a_single_white_female/
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for those that haven't heard of it, the term comes from a movie with the same name where a woman is looking for another female roommate to live with. They move in together but after while she notices that the other woman is slowly imitating every part of her life and it ends up escalating a lot.

In popular culture it's basically come to mean a female friend who copies your personality and appearance and may be super attached to you.

When I was 16 I dealt with a friend like this. She copied every aspect of my personality, even going as far as to try to learn my native language and learn a lot about my culture, pretending as though she was also of that ethnicity and even using my dogs name (which is in my language) for her own dog's and pretending she made it up herself lol. It wasn't just that she adopted my own specific interests, clothing style, and music taste. She also sent me angry messages when she found out I was moving away, was extremely jealous of my other friends, began liking the guy I was involved with, driving an hour to my house to give me apology gifts, and calling me a nickname that I call my own best friend.

I ended up moving high schools and broke off communication with her slowly. I felt sort of bad for her in a way, because her mother seemed to support her actions and enabled her.

Recently though I've just met another girl who is doing the same things (being very clingy, and copying my fashion sense), but more worringly it seems like she is copying my ED behaviors? She has confided in me that she is uncomfortable with her weight. I feel guilty and as though I have caused this because she has begun to copy my very specific eating habits. I don't want to confront her and embarrass her, especially on something as delicate as disorder eating. And her friendship makes me very uncomfortable because of how reminiscent it is to my other experience but I can't cut off communication with her because of how delicate she is.

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[Help] Recovery/Maintenance questions?
/u/missdreavuss
Created: Sun Jun 24 23:00:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tnvmr/recoverymaintenance_questions/
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Hey guys! I’ve been MIA on here for a second and that’s because I got pretty depressed and went on vacation (which I’m still retaining weight from unfortunately). Anyway, to save a long story, I’m planning on going back to college for something I’m excited for, but I can’t afford to live out of my parents house anymore because of this. I’ll be breaking my lease soon and I probably only have a month or two left in my apartment. I’m so fucking scared to move back home, but I know it’ll be good for me. I’ve been trying to eat a bit more and maintain my CW.
After vacation I was fluctuating between 115-118. I’m used to restricting a lot, but I’ve been trying to eat at around 800 calories or less. It’s a lot for me, and I’m now having some issues with purging again, but now that I’ve been eating more for the past few days I’ve been stuck at 119-122!! I’m kind of nervous and I know this is probably just my body adjusting to a bit more food, but for those who have tried to maintain before, how long did it take for your weight to become a bit more stable??
I’ve been working out every day and probably burn about 300-500 calories and I make sure to drink lots of water, I just want to see that I’m back at 115 and try and keep the scale there because 120 scares the shit out of me.
The plus side of this is that I’m less scared of food, but I’m sad that I’m not allowing myself to lose weight again and be 100IBS anymore. Mostly I don’t want to get there and become attached to that body and then have to lose it when I move home, since I’m sure that would be really hard for me to maintain.
Anyways, any advice or help is really appreciated!! The goal is definitely and hopefully recovery but for now I just want to maintain myself at a place that is still close to a lower BMI and weight.

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What are some of the excuses you guys use to not eat when on vacation?
/u/K0B3ryant
Created: Sun Jun 24 22:46:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tnswc/what_are_some_of_the_excuses_you_guys_use_to_not/
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I’m leaving Friday morning and we’ll be coming back Monday morning to go on vacation with my boyfriend and his family. I’m starting a fast tomorrow and I really really don’t want to break on that weekend but at the same time that a long time around people, they’re bound to notice right?


What do you guys usually tell people to get out of eating?

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[Rant/Rave] my best friend is about to tell my parents
/u/baswild
Created: Sun Jun 24 22:38:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tnrgz/my_best_friend_is_about_to_tell_my_parents/
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title mostly says it all. she knows next to nothing about eating disorders and mental illness and she said that if i don’t tell my parents by the end of the day tomorrow then she is going to tell them. i’m an adult, i don’t need them to know if i don’t want to. they can’t do anything. i know that i need recovery but i’m not ready to recover yet and i don’t want to waste my time. i’ve been struggling with osfed for years and now she only cares because it’s a noticeable difference in my appearance. i don’t know what to do hahha

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[Help] How to fix my ass?
/u/oooshethique
Created: Sun Jun 24 22:25:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tnp0a/how_to_fix_my_ass/
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I used to have a really nice butt, but I haven't been working out as much this past year because uni has been ultra-stressful and while I certainly haven't gained weight, my butt is no longer super projected and lifted. I have a butt crease now, and hip dips, which i've never had before and h a t e. Thing is, my legs get thick really easily, especially with squats. Do y'all have any go-to exercises to lift and round the butt without thickening the legs while eating at a deficit? I'm hoping to sculpt via removal, i'm sure y'all know the feel

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Addicted to eating under 100 calories
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Sun Jun 24 21:58:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tnjb3/addicted_to_eating_under_100_calories/
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Almost everyday I *try* to eat 100 or under calories.. it's almost like a game when I log it. But I know that it's so bad and I'm eventually going to get really sick if I keep it up and I usually do go over 100 calories (so hard not to). It just gets addicting. Now I ate 600-700 at the very most today and now I want to kill myself. But that's hardly anything in reality! Ugh so illogical.. but it tortures the mind too.

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[Goal] Happy ending to panicked weight check
/u/borrellia
Created: Sun Jun 24 21:56:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tniyv/happy_ending_to_panicked_weight_check/
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I’m going through a lot of shitty life things right now — just got dumped, had to find a last-minute apartment, stuck in a job I hate, & I’m in way deep in that just-graduated-college depression. Anyway, these shitty things have fueled a crazy overuse of my drug of choice — exercise, specifically long-distance cycling. I’ve been doing ~300 miles a week, mostly on Adderall, but I never weigh myself because I drink so much water on my rides that I know the scale would break my heart.

Fast forward to tonight — I’ve had an especially rough day, with no human contact, 3 panic attacks of increasing amplitude, & some scary suicidal ideation, so I asked my parents if they would let me stay over for a night so I don’t hurt myself or do something else I would regret. They brought me home, made me dinner, & we went out for ice cream after; I was already at an ~8k calorie deficit for the week, so I rationalized the ice cream as a one-time treat with my family, & everything was fine. And then I saw her — tall like me, short hair like me, but absolutely breathtakingly thin in all the ways I’ll never be. She was licking her ice cream cone like it didn’t even matter, like she did this all the time, even though it was clear from her sharp collarbones and perfectly lithe body that she didn’t. And I was sitting there with chocolate on my lip like a goddamn idiot & I couldn’t believe I had let myself binge like that — my night was suddenly terrible again & the second we got home I ran upstairs, panicking, absolutely desperate to weigh myself.

And you guys. I’ve lost 13 lbs in the past 3 weeks — and that was at the end of the day, after drinking 3+ liters of water & eating a full meal PLUS the ice cream binge. I can’t believe it. I am finally *officially* underweight for my height & it feels fucking incredible.

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I really have no idea what I look like
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Sun Jun 24 21:47:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tnh9i/i_really_have_no_idea_what_i_look_like/
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Compared to last year I've lost 32lbs. I was at a pride event and looked at myself in a full length mirror and wondered what kind of trickery this mirror had. Was it giving me a distorted image? Was it bent in such a way that I looked good? I asked my friend even if anything was wrong with this mirror. Like was it bent or something? She said no, its always been the same way. This is honestly the first time in a year where I saw my weight loss.

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Research Request: Body + Eating problems in Men
/u/matthodgesvu
Created: Sun Jun 24 21:40:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tnftk/research_request_body_eating_problems_in_men/
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# Body Image in Men from LGBTQIA+ community

HELP US UNDERSTAND: Body Image and Disordered Eating Behaviours in +18 men who have sex with men. WHAT? Anonymous 10 min survey, with optional 3 min follow-up 7-14 days later. WHY? Men who have sex with men are largely underrepresented in body image and eating disorder research yet rates of these problems are very high, comparable to women in prevalence, yet different - typically muscularity-oriented. We are establishing a valid and reliable measure to reduce burden on this population and improve knowledge about clinical presentations. This is one part of a larger study into this area. If you want to be involved follow the link below. If you know someone who might be interested, please share this with them. Feel free to share this among your networks.

[https://vuau.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_0Hd0wllNhkJ19v7](https://vuau.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0Hd0wllNhkJ19v7)

*Processing img 1omgturoh2611...*

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[Discussion] DAE never know if they're "healthy" or disordered?
/u/nocashordrugs
Created: Sun Jun 24 21:24:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tncd5/dae_never_know_if_theyre_healthy_or_disordered/
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I feel sometimes I get into a pattern of trying to eat 2-3 meals a day, working out 5 times a week, cutting out junk food and logging like 1000-1200 calories a day in MFP and I feel like I'm "recovered" and really healthy and maybe was just faking my ED the whole time but then like a day later I'll feel horrible about the idea of even touching food before 6pm and I'll starve all day and reaffirm that my ED is real

Idk I also don't know if when I'm actually being "healthy" I'm still undereating and overexercising and maybe it's just another way my ED is manifesting but also maybe I'm just fat af for even thinking that 1000-1200 is still restriction since I'm 5"1 lmaooo anyway idk anyone else get this?

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I don't think anyone in my life considers my eating disorder real
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Sun Jun 24 21:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tnbdq/i_dont_think_anyone_in_my_life_considers_my/
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I only have a few friends, and they all know. my so knows. my mom and dad know. and yet, no matter how I'm doing, how much or little I eat, how shakey or dizzy I get, or how underweight i am; no one brings it up. no one cares. no one asks. not even my fucking doctor cares enough to note it when I tell him.

my best friend knows. I never bring it up, so she doesn't talk about it. but I've been so fucking down in my relapse lately that I casually mentioned to her last week that I was excited to hang out because, tbh, eating by myself was becoming really difficult and I just wanted to have a meal. and we did, it was nice. since then she hasn't asked or reached out even a bit about how I'm doing, if I'm eating. doesn't care. just vents about her problems instead.

I told my so about my month long relapse a week ago. he asked me to eat more, and...that was the end of it. hasn't asked me at all about food since, or calories of if I'm overexercising again. in fact, the other night I asked him if I could have some of the food he was making. and he knows I struggle with permission sometimes. I used to ask him permission to eat frequently last year when I was bad. this time? he joked "no, you're not allowed to eat! haha". it's like he forgot I had an eating disorder all together, and I fucking live with him.

I have such a hard time admitting I need help and reaching out. and I feel like everytime I do I just get a blank stare in return at best, and at worst a joke. I'm not going to be taken seriously until i faint and hit my head on something or get far, far below BMI 18.5. I feel so invisible and lonely. so, thanks for being the only place where I don't completely cease to exist.

/rant.

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Will birth control stop me from losing weight when restricting?
/u/Whose_cat_is_that
Created: Sun Jun 24 21:10:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tn9ka/will_birth_control_stop_me_from_losing_weight/
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If I’m restricting at ~800 when I’m working and ~500 on my days off, will I still be able to lose weight? Or is the birth control going to ruin everything??

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thoughts on sparkling water? (bai bubbles r bomb af)
/u/dimensionwitch
Created: Sun Jun 24 21:09:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tn995/thoughts_on_sparkling_water_bai_bubbles_r_bomb_af/
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https://i.redd.it/ceoydgj4d2611.jpg

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[Help] any app?
/u/p-r-u-n-e
Created: Sun Jun 24 21:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tn98b/any_app/
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I can choose to eat everything in a day, or eat nothing at all. I can never reach middle ground. Because as soon as I eat that one thing it leads to another. I never know how to have a balance. The whole binging and starving the next week doesn’t work for me. Is there a good app that would help me diet (900 cal) instead?

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[Rant/Rave] Emotional Rant??
/u/yeehawmeemaw
Created: Sun Jun 24 21:09:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tn97a/emotional_rant/
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I have binge eating disorder. I hate myself. Over the last year I’ve gained about 75lbs. I now have a BMI of 45. I hate looking in the mirror. I have PCOS, Insulin Resistance and Anxiety.

I can’t help but be jealous of my friend whose mom got her diet pills so now she just doesn’t eat and is losing weight. Every emotion is food for me..

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[Rant/Rave] I basically want all the food
/u/ManicPixieBallerina
Created: Sun Jun 24 21:02:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tn7k6/i_basically_want_all_the_food/
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Three Musketeers bars, Swedish Fish (which is dumb, because last week I polished off an entire family sized bag), glazed chocolate pound cake from Publix, mochi ice cream, bubble tea, giant cupcakes with too much icing. Literally all I've been able to think about for hours. I wish food didn't rule my life so much.

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How long do you find it takes to get off binge weight?
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Sun Jun 24 20:57:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tn6cv/how_long_do_you_find_it_takes_to_get_off_binge/
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Saturday morning I was 162.4 lbs and now Sunday night I’m 168.0 lbs. I know most of it isn’t real and I just stopped eating like an hour ago. I’m just hoping it won’t take me all week to get back to 162 which would mean I fucked up a whole week of progress. I’m tracking my weights so in the future I’ll have a better idea but I’m unsure now.

Thoughts?

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Dropped a pant size!!!!
/u/chaoskilledme
Created: Sun Jun 24 20:56:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tn69h/dropped_a_pant_size/
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I've been struggling with binging recently, like one day I won't eat anything more than 10 calories and the next day I'm stuffing my face with brownies. I went over to my boyfriend's house yesterday and noticed I kept having to adjust my pants along the walk there.

Come to find out, my (American) size 6 shorts don't fit anymore! I finally hit a size 4 and I'm so excited! I'm slowly on my way to a size 0! 😄

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Reducing bulimia damage to teeth?
/u/Melon-mochi
Created: Sun Jun 24 20:42:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tn320/reducing_bulimia_damage_to_teeth/
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Not glamorous, but I purge 1-2 times per day. How can I reduce damage to my teeth? I rinse with water afterwards and know not to brush immediately. What else can I do to avoid harming my teeth?

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[Rant/Rave] Up 6lb after 1 weekend??????
/u/peachypeachy9
Created: Sun Jun 24 20:40:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tn2n4/up_6lb_after_1_weekend/
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Panicking super bad, got stuck at grandmas house for a weekend and got forced to eat a lot which triggered "fuck it" binges and each day was 2k or 3k calories tops but i went from 135.5 to 142lb and im freaking out!!!!!! i feel like i need to fast for a week to make up for it now im so upset and i feel disgusting...

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For those doing OMAD
/u/cxwang
Created: Sun Jun 24 20:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tn0da/for_those_doing_omad/
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How do you time your meals?

I usually end up eating the big meal earlier in the day , but that makes it hard to have a social life since most events are at night.

But I it really hard to work and be productive without some food during the day and also I have no energy for self control at night so I end up binging.

How have you guys optimized your OMAD?

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[Discussion] Eating schedule after fasting...
/u/johanna0318
Created: Sun Jun 24 20:25:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tmz9l/eating_schedule_after_fasting/
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So, I'm 2 days into a fast, I'm a little unsure of how long I plan on going either 5 or 7 days. I'm think about an eating schedule after I break my fast.

So I'm thinking that I'm going to fast Monday-Tuesday eat OMAD 600ish calories on Wednesdays, water fast on Thursdays and eat (OMAD) 1500ish calories either Fridays or Saturdays.... That's like 2100ish calories a week.

I don't do any heavy exercise, I walk a mile a day as long as it's not blazing hot, or I swim 500 meters and I do hot yoga on Saturday mornings....

I'm currently disgusted with my body and myself for even letting it get here. I need to reevaluate my relationship with food. I just can't seem to get a grasp on any middle ground.

Any thoughts or opinions on this schedule?

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[Rant/Rave] Oh my ED, you are the one I turn to in times of need.
/u/mu514
Created: Sun Jun 24 20:13:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tmwg7/oh_my_ed_you_are_the_one_i_turn_to_in_times_of/
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My ED has become a coping strategy for me. Stressed? Fast. Anxious? Fast. Happy? Why not fast? Sad. Suicidal fast.

I'm not in good condition anymore. I don't even want to pull myself out anymore. I like looking borderline sick and staying sick. I like being brain-foggy and dizzy and weak, because I don't want to face the stresses of reality. No matter how turbulent my normal life, I have one reliable accomplishment I can always turn to. I measure it on a scale. And as the number of days successfully fasted.

I used to SH. I still do now, in the form of denying my body any food whatsoever. And if I eat, I throw it up. Or simply chew it up and spit it out. I thought I'd gotten over my suicidal tendencies. No, they've just taken another, more gradual form.

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[Rant/Rave] The upside of heartbreak
/u/das_baconator
Created: Sun Jun 24 20:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tmtjl/the_upside_of_heartbreak/
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I found out almost two nights ago that my LDR boyfriend of more than a year--my first love--was sending nude photos of himself to another girl. I managed to muster the courage to break up with him yesterday. I saw the girl he was sending photos to; she's blonde, slender, beautiful, with big boobs, a tiny waist, and a perfect ass (my boyfriend is an ass man, and I have the worst saggy flat ass ever). Meanwhile, I'm a fucking blob. He always told me he was attracted to me and my "curvy" figure, but what a fucking liar. I knew he was out of my league when I started dating him. Why would he want to date fat ugly me when beautiful girls are always falling all over him? How did I not see that it would end like this?

Anyway, I'm ugly crying, unable to concentrate on my homework and unable to sleep. But at least ever since I found out about it I haven't eaten. Maybe if I get skinny somebody will notice me and love me.

---

[Discussion] Attraction vs. Self-Perception
/u/chemist_the_menace
Created: Sun Jun 24 19:57:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tmsxt/attraction_vs_selfperception/
---
Anyone else filled with disgust with every cubic inch of fat on themselves, but attracted to curvier women?

Ok so I don't know the cultural context of this person ([Trisha](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwaiFoc1Jnk)) but I just watched a video of her eating 7-11 food in a pink car and it was a.. stirring experience. She's not exactly what I'd consider my "type", as it were, because she seems dim-witted and I genuinely find convenience-store food terrifying and entirely unappealing BUT

After a day of picking at fruits and vegetables and feeling intensely guilty about it, it's strangely hot watching her complain and eat nachos. My mind is a confusing place. On any other woman, a kitten t shirt and pink fake nails and lip filler and glued-on eyelashes would probably not do it for me but ... thank you and good luck, Trisha, whoever you are.

---

[Rant/Rave] DAE sometimes think healthy skinny women are a conspiracy? (crazy rambling ahead)
/u/Zurthrow
Created: Sun Jun 24 19:21:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tmkzj/dae_sometimes_think_healthy_skinny_women_are_a/
---
I know the title sounds weird af but I couldn't think of a better one so oops. Anyway, you know those super hot girls who are very thin and perfect all over instagram in their bikinis and such?? Sometimes I find it hard to believe that a single one of them "eats normally". This excludes girls who are obviously very muscular and fit, I'm talking about girls who don't have much/any muscle mass and are just "naturally" extremely attractive in the body department. I honestly don't even really believe simply "eating healthy" with "moderate exercise" is enough to look like that. We're supposed to believe that they actually eat every day? Feel free to call me dumb or petty but I swear society wants us to think those girls are perfectly healthy physically and mentally.


Disclaimer: I'm not some kind of FA trying to claim that anyone who isn't overweight has an eating disorder, I'm talking about girls with Alexis Ren type bodies (we all know a few of them irl too, not just actual models). I'm also not hating on these girls at all and have nothing against them, it's just crazy how eating disorders are so taboo yet the results of them are mainstream.

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[Thinspo] don't look at thinspo while you're drink. you will have a mental breakdown like I xurrently am.
/u/smolpriincess
Created: Sun Jun 24 19:20:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tmkv7/dont_look_at_thinspo_while_youre_drink_you_will/
---
I'm pretty drunk . I haven't allowed myself to have alcohol in a while because of calories and im having a shit day so I'm drunk and stumbled across thinspo and i want to die ahaha

---

[Discussion] DAE purposefully trigger themselves?
/u/yealso820
Created: Sun Jun 24 19:13:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tmj8g/dae_purposefully_trigger_themselves/
---
Thinspo with people i don’t know does nothing for me, but seeing people I know IRL get skinny (probably due to an ED, honestly) triggers the fuck out of me and immediately snaps me out of any bingeing or honestly eating at all. There’s this girl I went to HS with who has gone from probably BMI 24 to BMI 15 in the past year and I scroll through her vsco (photo editing/sharing app) whenever I need to get my head back in place.

---

[Help] The worst vacation of my life
/u/themoonlaluna
Created: Sun Jun 24 18:39:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tmbhb/the_worst_vacation_of_my_life/
---
Guys I need some help, maybe just a space to process but frankly I need someone to tell me I’m valid and not crazy. It’s long but I can’t really do TLDR because the back story is important. I apologize.

So I have EDNOS, veering on BED but lots of restrictions and food fears and stuff.

I decided to take a nice vacation to see my dads lake house and I’m staying at my aunts house with a friend.

This friend, let’s call her Amelia, has never been... supportive of me. She doesn’t know how to handle my eating disorder and purposefully bought my trigger foods for the trip. I am also an ethical vegan (long before my eating disorder) and all of the snacks she brought have milk in them... it’s like she doesn’t even care about my morals. When I share with her she stares at me blankly and says “I don’t know what to say” . I realize now why I haven’t seen her in person in 3 years.

This vacation was already a big deal for me because I couldn’t bring my food scale. I was pressured to break veganism and I did. I have been so anxious and panicky and nauseous and I’ve been bleeding cash because Amelia wants to split everything but I can’t eat anything she buys. (She has also yet to thank me for inviting her on this vacation, which is another story) in the past 4 days I have averaged 3,000 cal a day and have binged 3 times. I broke a 60 day self harm free streak last night and I already have plans to break it again tonight.

Anyways, tonight we get pizza. I make a grilled hummus tomato sandwich. Amelia and aunt pig out on pizza. My aunt starts bringing up my relationship with my mom that she knows nothing about and starts making judgements so I already feel like shit. I decide that a second sandwich sounds good, the first one was pretty light.

And my aunt goes “are you SERIOUSLY going to make a second sandwich? HONESTLY you are going to eat another are you serious?” And I’m just standing there with bread and hummus in my hand and I had to run into the bathroom to take a shower and sob hysterically for 20minutes.

Her saying that is my worst fear of people noticing my weird eating habits. I am not suicidal right now but I am having a lot of suicidal thoughts.

This vacation has been a waste of emotions, time and money and I’m so so angry willful exhausted and depleted right now.

Please please someone give me advice, call my aunt a bitch tell me I’m not crazy anything I am at the end of a very very thin rope.

---

I had a dream that cigarettes had calories
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Sun Jun 24 18:09:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tm4gd/i_had_a_dream_that_cigarettes_had_calories/
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I'm one of those who use cigarettes as meal substitutes and holy hell, I dreamt they were 57 calories each. I don't know how I came to the number 57, and I don't know how smoke could possibly have calories, but I woke up shaking. I was so glad when I realized this wasn't real

---

[Discussion] I think there’s a fine line between thin and emaciated. I would rather be thin. What do you guys think?
/u/clothes1333
Created: Sun Jun 24 18:08:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tm489/i_think_theres_a_fine_line_between_thin_and/
---
[removed]

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A little over a year without weighing... and this close to going back
/u/NindeNehima
Created: Sun Jun 24 17:37:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tlxl5/a_little_over_a_year_without_weighing_and_this/
---

Hey y'all


I used to more active here, I did not recover by any means but I guess I had more distractions in my life and I became for a *lurker* than an active participant.


I'm going to rant a bit, I'm sorry...


A bit over a year ago I got into a *healthy* relationship and my partner told me that I was beautiful how I was and I shouldn't weigh myself. I think he literally saved my life back then. I poured all of my focus and energy into the relationship, I found a job near him (huge career move for me actually) and moved over an hour from where I was living. I thought things were going to be okay.


I was wrong. I've been through a terrible binge/restrict cycle, and lately I've been falling more into a restrict/binge and exercise bulimic trend, walking usually 7-10 miles a day on weekdays and 15+ on weekends.


I'd love to say at least my partner is supportive, but things are nearing the end there.


I am *this* close to starting to weigh again, which is what took me in such a downward spiral before, getting down to 85lbs and my mind being literal mush.

I am so afraid to weigh, I bet I'm around 110-115 lbs, which is the highest I've been in my entire life. But I also want to weigh because I want to get back to my comfort zone. I want 95, 90, 80...


I'm scared, I told myself I wouldn't do this...

---

A little over a yera without weighing... and this close to going back
/u/NindeNehima
Created: Sun Jun 24 17:35:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tlx4e/a_little_over_a_yera_without_weighing_and_this/
---
Hey y'all


I used to more active here, I did not recover by any means but I guess I had more distractions in my life and I became for a *lurker* than an active participant.


I'm going to rant a bit, I'm sorry...


A bit over a year ago I got into a *healthy* relationship and my partner told me that I was beautiful how I was and I shouldn't weigh myself. I think he literally saved my life back then. I poured all of my focus and energy into the relationship, I found a job near him (huge career move for me actually) and moved over an hour from where I was living. I thought things were going to be okay.


I was wrong. I've been through a terrible binge/restrict cycle, and lately I've been falling more into a restrict/binge and exercise bulimic trend, walking usually 7-10 miles a day on weekdays and 15+ on weekends.


I'd love to say at least my partner is supportive, but things are nearing the end there.


I am *this* close to starting to weigh again, which is what took me in such a downward spiral before, getting down to 85lbs and my mind being literal mush.

I am so afraid to weigh, I bet I'm around 110-115 lbs, which is the highest I've been in my entire life. But I also want to weigh because I want to get back to my comfort zone. I want 95, 90, 80...


I'm scared, I told myself I wouldn't do this...

---

my thoughts scare me sometimes
/u/alliwantisskinny
Created: Sun Jun 24 17:32:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tlwdj/my_thoughts_scare_me_sometimes/
---
I don't think I am ever going to get better and I honestly want to kill myself because I can't take this anymore. I am emotionally drained and my body is so fucked up. I'm ruining not only my life and my experiences but I'm ruining my body and my organs. would probably be best if I just wasn't alive anymore.
I'll be fine though.

---

appetite is gone
/u/daintydollll
Created: Sun Jun 24 17:28:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tlvma/appetite_is_gone/
---
yeah sounds great because nothing sounds good but. I actually want to eat a nice dinner with my boyfriend and nothing sounds good and I don't even know.

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[Discussion] Laughing it off
/u/handzies
Created: Sun Jun 24 17:25:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tluuu/laughing_it_off/
---
I love depression jokes. I love anxiety jokes. I tell a lot of them and it makes me feel better. I always get a good laugh out of others no matter the setting. Frat boys to gutter punks can laugh at mental health jokes. That being said, I really wish I could make ED jokes the same way you know? I have a whole section to a stand up routein that only one person in my life gets to hear.

That being said? Y'all wanna tell some ED jokes?

I've been mixing up my die lately, really playing with spices, for example; I put some pepper my my cigarette this morning.

---

[Rant/Rave] Confused
/u/hollywould83
Created: Sun Jun 24 17:05:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tlq1l/confused/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/AnorexiaNervosa/comments/8tlpuz/confused/

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[Help] My mother thinks she's helping but is actually doing the exact opposite
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Sun Jun 24 16:59:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tloof/my_mother_thinks_shes_helping_but_is_actually/
---
My blood test results came back a few days ago, and turns out I have extremely low cholesterol levels, close to nonexistent. Now my mother, whom I live with, watches every step I make when it comes to food, and forced me to eat a meal that I didn't have the appetite to eat today. To contextualize, my eating habits aren't as terrible as most people with ednos (I eat ~600 a day) but she's relentless and toxic, even though I know she wants to help in any way she can. She's the type of person that thinks she's right no matter what unless a professional tells her otherwise. Help :(

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What are your safe foods? What are your absolute no foods?
/u/Nirette
Created: Sun Jun 24 16:54:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tlnlf/what_are_your_safe_foods_what_are_your_absolute/
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Surprisingly, I still eat avocado. I know this is a huge no food for a lot of people (I'm starting out small, just limited to 1000 cal a day so that I don't relapse into a binge or anything, I'm also hypoglycaemic so I gotta be pretty careful). I try to avoid nuts, chocolate, and anything really high cal. I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow, just wondering what some of your go-to safe foods are?

---

Does anyone else go completely off the rails when they have alcohol?
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Sun Jun 24 16:45:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tllmt/does_anyone_else_go_completely_off_the_rails_when/
---
I feel so drunk right now, I know I'm going to go and binge. I want to stop myself, but I know it's going to happen, despite doing so well this week. I love alcohol, however I feel like I may have to stop due to how much it makes me want to binge. My anxiety around food has completely gone, and I know I'll feel awful tomorrow.

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[Rant/Rave] Just purged for the first time in a few months.
/u/ace7415
Created: Sun Jun 24 16:44:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tlld9/just_purged_for_the_first_time_in_a_few_months/
---
It’s been (about) 6 months since I’ve purged. I’ve been restricting kind of heavily for about a week but today I decided to eat two whole cupcakes and some ice cream! I couldn’t stand the thought of unsafe food in my stomach and I felt really sick so I purged. And now I can’t stop crying and I feel so alone. I feel like a failure yet I’m happy because this is a step towards losing weight. I’m so confused with my emotions right now.

---

Having a lack of faith - TMI WARNING
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Sun Jun 24 16:44:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tll8z/having_a_lack_of_faith_tmi_warning/
---
I have been really backed up for the past week and I just took two of the biggest poops. Suddenly I feel like I look a lot less bloated and am reasonably happy with where I am...however the scale says I've put on a kg since last week. Now I don't know if I trust what I see in the mirror. My biggest fear is being that fat girl that thinks they look hot, and they would be if they just dressed to their shape.

Please send help.

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"Recovery" Fail - Any Advice?
/u/HerculesMulligan26
Created: Sun Jun 24 16:29:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tlhpk/recovery_fail_any_advice/
---
Long story short...I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa with purging about 2 months ago. I had been hiding my ED for a while until my mom caught me purging multiple times and made me start going to therapy/nutritionist. I loved my ED body. Loved it. I went from 145 to 113. I was finally so happy with how I looked in pics, how I could put on any clothes and they would fit. I could be naked in front of a mirror and not worry about what I looked like.

I love my therapist and she is really helping me through this and we are working through why my ED came to be. But my nutritionist is another story. She has me on an eating plan- "core minimum" and I have to keep track of everything I eat in a notebook everyday. I don't. I haven't been able to do it since day 1. I was restricting and and eating under 600 before and so now to go to 1,600-2,000? no way. But...I'm being weighed every week. I can't work out. And if I don't gain the proper weight for my height etc and my labs get to where they need to be I'm going to be put in an in patient facility which I DON'T want.

I'm miserable now because I've gained weight from not working out, my eating being so off and not purging (I was trying to get away from that anyway) and I hate this notebook tracking and the fact that I'm lying about it every week. The weight gain kills me the most. I did start sneaking to the gym to get on the stairmaster a few days this week which felt good. But if I lose too much weight I'm going to get my hand slapped at the nutritionist.

Has anyone been in any similar situation?

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[Tip] Things to do instead of Binging (and purging)
/u/undertheweather123
Created: Sun Jun 24 16:22:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tlg00/things_to_do_instead_of_binging_and_purging/
---
So after long period of restriction, I’ve been back on the b/p train for like two months now. I thought today was going to be when I got my shit together but (spoiler alert!) it wasn’t. I did fine until I went to my friends house and ate way too much and then purged in their bathroom.

I’m so tired of this; I don’t like restriction, but hate b/p way more. It’s less reliable and more uncomfortable (at least for me).

So, in hopes of doing better tomorrow, I started a list of things to do instead of binging and purging. I’ll post it below, but I was hoping you guys could add some things to it too!

TIA :)

What I got so far:

-Read

-Play Video Games

-Work Out

-Go For A Walk

-FaceTime Someone

-Clean

-Practice A Language

-Draw/Color

-Watch A Movie/Show

-Screen Shop On Amazon

-Eat A Bowl Of Fruit/Veggies

-Take A Nap

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm afraid I'm hurting my partner with my diet.
/u/xxxanon1117
Created: Sun Jun 24 15:55:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tl90s/im_afraid_im_hurting_my_partner_with_my_diet/
---
[removed]

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I’m back on my bullshit with some encouragement from MFP adverts.
/u/240hashit
Created: Sun Jun 24 15:49:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tl7j4/im_back_on_my_bullshit_with_some_encouragement/
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https://i.redd.it/70k9eld7s0611.jpg

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[Goal] Finally was able to button my first pair of goal jeans! 💥
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Sun Jun 24 15:25:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tl1c9/finally_was_able_to_button_my_first_pair_of_goal/
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**They don’t fit. But at least they button!!!!**

Over Christmas, I no longer fit into ALL of my pants. (Thank you depression and binge eating without purging.) I went from a size 2/4 to a size 12.

The day I reached my heaviest weight, I stepped off the scale and I cried on the toilet, butt naked. Yepp. You’re welcome for the visual. I went to target and bought a pair of pants that fit my body at the time, **(size 12)** a half-way pair of goal jeans, **(size 6)** and I had my own pair of **size 2/4** pants at home. That’s the size all my pants were right before I let myself gain 60 pounds...

I was curious this morning how close I was to being able to wear my half-way goal jeans, and to my surprise, [I was actually able to put them on and button them!](https://imgur.com/a/Juld3u4) They’re high-waisted, and in no way will I leave the house in these until I’m 135-ish. But the fact that I could even get them on was a SHOCK! I’ve been in a bit of a plateau and needed this confidence booster!!

I’m so excited to be able to wear these outside!! When I do, I’ll post a picture to celebrate!

---

Long nails + purging = ouch
/u/theseance
Created: Sun Jun 24 15:15:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tkysp/long_nails_purging_ouch/
---
omg the blood and pain

I've always been a nail biter and I decided a week ago to break that habit, so I have nails longer than I'm used to. I went to go purge and without even thinking about it, poked my finger straight back.

Felt the scrape and, horrified, pulled back my finger to find skin from the back of my throat under my sharp baby nail.

learn from my mistakes

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Binged my way out of recovery program, need to be thin again!
/u/reanbean117
Created: Sun Jun 24 15:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tkxq9/binged_my_way_out_of_recovery_program_need_to_be/
---
Anorexia diagnosed 27f,5ft 7in tall lw 100 cw152.4
I was in a recovery program since January this year. I was 113lbs when I started. Went to my lw 100 lbs on April 1st 2018. Basically was told if I didn't gain weight I would have to be sent somewhere for a higher level of care. So I binged ate for the first time. This continued until I got to a safe weight so I could leave the recovery program around 120lbs. I left program the beginning of May 2018. I keep binge eating almost everyday and gaining weight since then. I weighed in this morning at 152.4 lbs. I need to stop. I need to be think again. Should I high restrict like 1200 and work my way down? I really need help. :(

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[Help] 2l Diet Coke a day
/u/toothpastedildo
Created: Sun Jun 24 15:03:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tkvkn/2l_diet_coke_a_day/
---
Idk if this is a stupid question but will large quantities of Diet Coke make me fat?

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[Rant/Rave] Opinions are like...
/u/ngs644
Created: Sun Jun 24 15:00:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tkuyf/opinions_are_like/
---
Assholes. Everyone is an asshole, and this asshole needs to vent.

"You look so skinny! How did you do it?" Well, gee, Sandy, should I let you in on my psychotic calorie tracking? EC stacking? Would you like to see my grocery lists? "Oh uhhhhh thanks, I've just been trying to eat healthier!" oh god please stop noticing please

"Lookin good lady! Just don't lose anymore!" Thanks, John, but I plan on at least ten more so get used to it. How long does this have to stick before it's not news??

"We brought you a burger! Been looking like you need it!" Thanks. Thanks so much for the fries, too. Excuse me while I put this in the fridge "for later" and yes, really thanks so much. No, no I did eat before I came here and I'm stuffed! I'll have it for dinner! Or let it rot in the fridge bc I CAN'T EAT THAT ARE YOU KIDDING? I'm gonna go smoke.

Well, no, they're not assholes. They're all lovely people and they mean well. I hate this attention. It makes me so self conscious and suspicious because, yeah, I've lost a lot and fast, but I'm still a VERY "healthy" bmi. Ten more and I'll still be "healthy." I can't wait for enough time to pass for this not to be exciting and "inspiring" to others. I literally can't tell you how I did this. I don't want you to do what I'm doing. It's hell. Please don't ask. We aren't close. I can't tell you.

How do you respond to "encouraging" and "concerned but supportive" comments from acquaintances? I see some others have asked about this, too.

---

Post vacation; bad habits again.
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Sun Jun 24 14:28:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tkmpf/post_vacation_bad_habits_again/
---
After camping and hiking for a couple of days (hellllloo restricted eating) we went and stayed at a nice hotel to decompress a bit. I ended up buying new clothing for the first time in forever. The cute stuff actually fit me. Like a size small-to mediums. I had a hard choice between a small bralette to extra small (at least I have something pretty to put on my flat chest now). My favorite item was a basic black denim overalls (my sister loved to let me know how awful I looked in them but fuck her and her body imagine projecting)



I guess the issue is I had constipation post trip issues and now I'm back on copious amounts of fiber and laxatives again because I can not deal with any type of bloat. I can't exercise as much as I was and the laxatives just drain my energy. It's such a shitty cycle (bad pun). I just want to feel as good as I did trying on the clothing again. And stop eating. Feeling cute for a second was nice though.

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[Rant/Rave] Weighed in at a new LW , yet still feel as depressed as ever.
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Sun Jun 24 14:17:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tkjyh/weighed_in_at_a_new_lw_yet_still_feel_as/
---
I am supposed to be excited over this and don't get me wrong I do feel like at least I did something. I have been working so hard. In the last few months (maybe 3) I have dropped from 108 to 100. I just weighed in today at 100lbs, but changed my flair to 102 just to make sure since I always keep in my mind I am 2lbs heavier than any scale says. My lowest weight ever was 97lbs and I felt I looked good then. I loved taking selfies and was really positive and excited when I was that small 2 years ago. Since then I gradually gained some over 10 months then I kinda stayed around 110-108 for a while due to binges. I decided enough was enough and am making progress. Maybe once I break 100 and get to my GW I will see myself as looking nice.

I thought this would make me happy, but I feel numb and sad. I HATE the way I look. I look both fat and skeletal all at the same time. I see all the fat spots that are still there and I also see gross disgusting me.

I wish someone would notice that I lost, but everyone still thinks I am just "too skinny." My bf even told me I need to gain weight the other day and I asked him, why? and if I looked thinner or something to make him say that out of the blue. He said you are always too thin....I said okay, but do I look smaller than I used to or something, he said "idk your too skinny, gain weight." If only he just said yes.

I am going away in a few weeks and will have to wear a swimsuit I feel awful about this in every way possible. I do not want to show my body to anyone. I hate this disorder so much.

---

[Rant/Rave] Anxiety is making me want to stop my recovery in its tracks and go back to restricting.
/u/peyton2724
Created: Sun Jun 24 14:05:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tkgst/anxiety_is_making_me_want_to_stop_my_recovery_in/
---
Hi, everyone.

I haven’t been on this sub for a while because I was advised to take a break from it in my first few months of recovery, at least.

At the start of July I’ll be about three months completely clean. No restricting, no counting calories, no binging, no purging, none of it. I won’t lie, I’ve started feeling better. I’ve had some really great days where I’ve felt at home in my body. I’ve caught myself forgetting about food every once in a while.

Currently I’m at a music intensive, I’m away from home, and I’ll be gone for two weeks. I forgot to bring money, and all I have is thirty bucks (they only take cash here those fucking fucks). They feed you - but that’s it - and the food is damn nasty and unhealthy and you get it.

I’m stressing. I’m worried about the food, about my placement auditions, about how I’ll be graded, about running out of money.

And I’m sharing a room with four people. It’s the size of a tiny bedroom and there are four people in here. I can’t release or anything.

I feel stuck and my anxiety is getting worse by the second.

Dinner is scheduled soon and all I want is to restrict. All I want is to not eat. I don’t feel hungry. I know I should be but I feel physically sick.

Why is this disease fucking like this.

My roommates are great - I love music more than anything. I love this music intensive - I went last year. I love meeting people and playing and there is nothing I should be scared of, and I’m scared of absolutely all of it.

I don’t want to have to worry about food but right now it’s all I can think about.

I don’t want to eat but I know I should. If I skip a meal those three months will be gone. It’s my birthday soon. I’ll be a few days away from four months on my birthday. I don’t want to be back into this on my birthday.

I hate being trapped in this disease.

---

Out of treatment and feeling stuck
/u/edthrowaway77
Created: Sun Jun 24 14:04:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tkgch/out_of_treatment_and_feeling_stuck/
---
Sorry for the rant I just need to vent

I was so hopeful when I discharged after 4 months then I came back to the real world and realized that I had an ED for a reason and holy moly I can't do this.

I thought I would be happier but being in and out of the hospital and sick seems so much easier than the life I have now.

Being home is a lot harder than I initially thought it would be; I forgot how stressful my (loving but ultimately dysfunctional family) is and there has been a lot of conflict (none of it involving me) so I am right back to feeling like I have to be everything for everyone and the eating disorder is looking more and more attractive because it feels like the only way I have to make people care about me. Home really isn't the best place for me but I know for a fact that if I move out in August like I plan to my chances of relapsing are high.

I have been eating because my mom has been on me but she has been less attentive than I thought she would be so I give her another week before she is distracted completely and I am so scared that I'll start backsliding. I accidentally found out how much I weigh and its about 30 pounds up from where I started and I can't stand it and want to lose 10 pounds to get to where I can deal. Real life is hard and scary and while I don't want the last 4 months of hard work to be for nothing I'm feeling discouraged.

I want to be happy and succesfull and a good girlfriend and daughter but I feel like I need my ED

---

DAE feel jealous of their sister?
/u/Jenny_Roberts
Created: Sun Jun 24 13:48:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tkc7g/dae_feel_jealous_of_their_sister/
---
I feel like I've seen several people mention being jealous of their sister- is this common in the ED world?

I know I am. My sister has the teeniest waist (probably around 22-23 in), shining long blonde hair, big butt and boobs. She's always had clear skin.
She's 5'8 and 135~, and wears it extremely well- she's easily the most beautiful girl in the room 99% of the time. She is one of those people who just aren't interested in most foods. She has always been fairly toned.

I JUST dipped bellow 200lbs (we're the same height), have red/pink skin and have had acne for over a decade (just got on accutane), short brown hair and binge when stressed.
Even at my lowest weight I was uglier and 20lbs heavier than her, and had a thicker waist. I wish I was able to just...not eat, like her.

I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm the ugly sister, ya know?

---

[Help] fasting experiences/results anyone??
/u/pistachiocreams
Created: Sun Jun 24 12:51:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tjxmd/fasting_experiencesresults_anyone/
---
so i am coming back from a vacation that has lasted a little over a week (basically went to italy, fasted for ~40 hrs, then went to a resort lolol) and i need to lose weight asap. when i fasted only a couple days ago it felt relatively easy and i didnt even really notice myself get hungry.
that being said, i’m planning on hopefully going for 5 days this time and need all the advice i can get! individual experiences/how much weight you lost/what you did would be very much appreciated!!

---

DAE live off frozen meals?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Sun Jun 24 12:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tjwma/dae_live_off_frozen_meals/
---
I’ve been buying a lot of the banquet dinners and lean pockets and sometimes eating 100 cal popcorn.

Have any of you tried:
Smuckers
Healthy choice meals
Lunchables
Smart ones
Lean cuisine

Or anything similar in your restriction? (If you restrict).

I wanted to try some of these out but I’m scared it will make me gain. I know it’s CICA but I wanted to hear your options on these.

I’m eating under 500 calories, so it would be great if you can recommend some frozen/ pre made meals that could fit in my limit.


Thanks🙂

---

THE SHORTS!!! 😍
/u/UnderseaK
Created: Sun Jun 24 12:37:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tju3v/the_shorts/
---
GUYS! I can't believe it! I fit into THE SHORTS!


Two years ago I was a size 18 (us size). I was happy and non disordered, but whatevs, still fat. I am pretty athletic even when fat, so my legs and hips are always massive. I have man calves, lol. When I hit a size 8 a few months back, I bought a pair of super cute and ultra short shorts in a size six. I told myself that if I could have a pair of size sixes and have them be a little bit loose, my legs would be skinny enough to be able to rocks shorts instead of capris or jeans.


So my goal this month was to fit those shorts. A week ago I could barely zip them, much less wear them in public. This morning though, (after a freaking binge!?) I awoke to a new low weight and the shorts zipping! Not only zipping, but fitting! I'd like them to fit a tiny bit looser, but two more pounds is all it would take.


Of course, I'm second guessing myself (maybe american eagle just vanity sizes a lot?) because I still *feel* fat, but even body dismorphia can't take this away from me completely. I wooshed, hit a lw, and I am stoked.


New goal: Hit 140lbs by my birthday in two weeks. Then I might get to eat some cake without to much guilt!

---

I stopped weighing myself & here's my experience
/u/fatterfly
Created: Sun Jun 24 12:08:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tjmq3/i_stopped_weighing_myself_heres_my_experience/
---
So basically I haven't weighed myself for around 6-7 weeks now. All in all it's been good for me but of course there are also some challenges.


Pros:


* Binges are dramatically less, both in frequency and quantity. If I'm having a binge day I eat no more than 2000-2500 the whole day. I think the reason is that there are no number fluctuations which make me upset and binge-y, and when I do binge I don't feel the need to eat everything in sight because "fuck it I'm already gonna gain on the scale tomorrow anyway"



* Less anxiety. The scale can either make or break my day and I hate it.


* Overall better perceived body image. Without a number clouding my judgement I can sometimes tell which parts of me look skinnier because I have to rely on what I see rather than the scale.


* I can now allow myself to wear items of clothing I never even considered before, including some revealing ones! I always had rules for myself like I can't wear this until I weigh this much etc but now I try to go by what looks good and makes me feel comfortable


* More comfortable with high restriction. When I weighed myself daily I was deathly afraid of eating above 500-600 calories because I was so worried about gaining food/poop weight. Now I can comfortably eat 800-900 a day, which is probably another reason why my binges are less frequent and less severe.




Cons:


* I really miss seeing the number drop. I miss having GWs and achieving my goals. It's actually making me really sad and it drives me crazy not knowing how much I weigh now.



* It doesn't happen too often but sometimes I feel like I'm starving myself and obsessing for no reason because I don't see any concrete evidence that I'm getting smaller. Because my BDD is terrible, it's sometimes impossible to see myself as anything but a fat blob.



So far I'm finding it to be better for my mental health staying away from the scale. Sometimes the temptation is really strong and I really want to do it, but I manage to stop myself because I know it will make me feel worse on the long run. I try to measure my weight loss not just by what I see (because let's face it what I see is always shit lol) but I also pay very close attention to how my clothes fit.



Just thought I'd share my experience with you guys. :)

---

[Discussion] Have any of you ever gone to an over eater anonymous meeting?
/u/kurtisskinny
Created: Sun Jun 24 11:58:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tjk89/have_any_of_you_ever_gone_to_an_over_eater/
---
Did it help? What was your experience like

---

[Discussion] I want my stomach to get flat enough that I can tell when I've had a big meal.
/u/semperxvivum
Created: Sun Jun 24 11:50:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tji7n/i_want_my_stomach_to_get_flat_enough_that_i_can/
---
I feel like it would be easier to restrict at that point, because an almost immediate bloat would seriously make me think twice. I'm slowly getting there.

---

[Rant/Rave] Pride
/u/sweetiepeachy
Created: Sun Jun 24 11:32:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tjdi4/pride/
---
Just a generally venting and asking for solidarity post here. Idk how many of you identity as LGBT, but in the past year or so I’ve accepted my identity as queer but I have still yet to go to a pride event. Pride parades are happening all day in my city today and I’m crying not bc I can’t go, but bc I don’t want to go (like, huh?) I just feel so depressed and unattractive, I feel like I won’t really enjoy myself so I don’t want to ruin my first pride experience like that. Anyone relate??? I’m driving myself nuts bc all my loved ones are telling me to go, but I just can’t.

---

[Discussion] Excuses for eating?
/u/Veghead25
Created: Sun Jun 24 11:30:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tjcxq/excuses_for_eating/
---
Do you think it's healthy or unhealthy to think things like, "well I haven't eaten in a few days so I'll have a meal this time." Or "I'll be outside all day, I should eat so I don't pass out."

I can't tell if these are good or bad thoughts.

---

[Rant/Rave] I can't give up again
/u/audreyhepburnwho
Created: Sun Jun 24 11:24:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tjbfn/i_cant_give_up_again/
---
I yo-yo. I lose, get lazy, gain and get bigger than before. I spent the whole last 3 days stuffing my face with thousands of calories. Im too scared to weigh-in. I'm fastinflg for 15 days. Today is day 1 and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and saw how huge my ass got again. It's where i lose first and i had noticed after two okayish weeks that it was shrinking, albeit slowly. It's huge again. Usually, seeing how big i am makes me want to binge. I was at a bakery when i saw my reflection and just wanted to stuff my face with danishes and muffins but NO. that's the cycle i need to break. Ive given up on trying to accept my body as it is and trying to be fat and happy so the only way out of this hell is by losing. And eating won't help with that. I'm fasting. Day 1. Heading to the gym now. Fuck this. Sorry for the rant.

---

[Discussion] Would a can of tuna + a bag of frozen veggies per day be a good diet??
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Sun Jun 24 10:53:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tj3in/would_a_can_of_tuna_a_bag_of_frozen_veggies_per/
---
Hey so I am so sick and tired of fighting over which foods to eat, which foods to not eat. I always give in to the bad foods. I currently have no good food habits and am overweight as a result. I really need just a simple diet to follow, to make me not think about food, so I only have 2 food options to eat. I just want things to be simple for a while, then I can change the diet later, once food isn't on my mind 24/7.

Would this be a good diet? I don't want to crave anything too badly. Maybe I need to add extra fat/protein content or something? But in that case I'd eat only half the bag of frozen veggies, to allow the other calories. Maybe the fat/protein content will come from nuts or eggs or something. I don't want to have anything that spoils quickly though, so I don't have to worry about food anymore- hence the canned & frozen food. thanks.

---

New job and uni stress.
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Sun Jun 24 09:57:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tipa8/new_job_and_uni_stress/
---
I ate a salad on Friday. A small handful of fries and asokutkey nothing today. I'm doing 12 hour shifts as a chef. Burning 500 calories just being at work. I've stopped feeling hunger completely. I've lost 5 lbs in a week from the stress of uni. I'm so close to my goal of 105. I'm 110 as of today. However I'm not terrified. All I wanted was hunger to go away. And now I can't feel hunger I'm terrified. I feel so weak.

---

DAE find certain foods IMPOSSIBLE to purge no matter how hard you try?
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Sun Jun 24 09:43:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tim4h/dae_find_certain_foods_impossible_to_purge_no/
---
Does anyone find it impossible to get everything out with certain foods during a binge? I can get everything out really quick and easy when it’s Thai or fast food but pizza, cookies (those addictive belvita cookies) and other things just don’t come up. Like they sit at the bottom of my stomach and don’t come up but the rest of the binge does. Or it stops the rest of the binge from coming up and I’m fucked

---

[Rant/Rave] im scared. i dont wanna be hospitalized. i dont wanna gain weight. i only need my antidepressant from the shrink.
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Sun Jun 24 09:26:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tii83/im_scared_i_dont_wanna_be_hospitalized_i_dont/
---
really wonder what will happen next time i visit the shrink. gainning weight is scary enough for me and i just feel like maintaining this way. i know ed is a tricky disorder which caused me to think and act like theres nothing wrong..

helpless, dont wanna gain weight, cant survive without antidepressants, dont wanna be hospitalized, i dont know what to do... i hate this ed and mental illness...

---

Numbers on the scale
/u/ScaleAdvice29
Created: Sun Jun 24 09:17:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tig5j/numbers_on_the_scale/
---
I’ve been having this weird issue with the scale.


For context I’m bulimic but I haven’t purged since Tuesday (yay). I’ve bern avoiding the scale for a while. But when I stepped on it said 95.


Last year I was 98 and I know I’ve gained weight since then. I can tell.Bigger thighs, arms. But the scale says 95. And it isn’t broken. Tested on two scales. What’s up?

---

[Help] My younger brother doesn’t eat enough
/u/SpeckledBalloon
Created: Sun Jun 24 09:15:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tifrb/my_younger_brother_doesnt_eat_enough/
---
He’s just entering his teenage years. He’s an athlete, a pescatarian and also a picky eater.

Whenever I’m cooking I always ask if he’s eaten, or hungry, or wants to try some of what I’m having. Sharing my food has the double benefit of me eating less that I planned - which I like.

But he has a habit of asking for food and then not eating it. So it just sits at the table, taunting me. I also HATE wasting food. I grew up without a lot of money - and still can’t really afford to be wasteful. It’s a huge pet peeve of mine. I either have to let it sit and hope he’ll come back to it (he says he will but rarely ever does - usually ends up in the trash) or eat it myself and feel like shit.

I don’t want him to develop any ‘clean your plate’ issues but the amount of food he wastes really agitates me. He’s just entering his teenage years and needs the calories. Especially the protein! He’ll readily eat chips, candy and Cinnabon but the nutrition on those foods are insufficient. He’s hoping to become a professional athlete in the future so his development over the next few years is extra important.

I really hope that this is just a phase he’ll grow out of. I’ve reached the point where I can’t tell if I’m just projecting my food issues on to him or what.

He’s really skinny - but I guess that’s normal for little boys that play club sports 5x/week? I don’t know. 😣

---

[Other] Catalyst-An Eating Disorder Short Film
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Sun Jun 24 08:49:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ti9ro/catalystan_eating_disorder_short_film/
---
Opened up my YouTube to this first thing this morning.

Some parts are kinda cringe, but new ED material nonetheless!

TW: Takes place in an IP

[Catalyst-An Eating Disorder Short Film](https://www.youtube.com/attribution_link?a=Z3UMk8ttPIA&u=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DSGcfwjvQVDs%26feature%3Dshare)

---

Anyone else notice weight loss in their legs first?
/u/Cashmeresweateryay
Created: Sun Jun 24 08:29:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ti5b5/anyone_else_notice_weight_loss_in_their_legs_first/
---
I always heard that we tend to lose from the top down. My legs are looking good but my stomach is still a big fluffy muffin top!!! So frustrating

---

Cool study shows possible link between food choices and neurobiology
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf
Created: Sun Jun 24 07:57:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8thy69/cool_study_shows_possible_link_between_food/
---
[removed]

---

[Discussion] DAE obsess about exercise?
/u/DryBrilliant
Created: Sun Jun 24 07:38:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8thuax/dae_obsess_about_exercise/
---
I've got this pedometer and feel like I "have" to do a certain number of steps a day. I get really stressed if I try leaving off the pedometer. DAE have that type of exercise obsession? I feel like it's sort of OCD cuz I'm constantly checking to see how many steps I've taken.

---

YouTuber Body Insecurity
/u/alunatniff
Created: Sun Jun 24 06:51:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8thlg6/youtuber_body_insecurity/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzp1IO-ggAU

---

Is yoyo-ing actually unhealthy?
/u/red9drqgons
Created: Sun Jun 24 06:28:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8thhqy/is_yoyoing_actually_unhealthy/
---
I see everywhere that weight yoyo-ing is unhealthy, but on some level isn’t the unhealthy part just the rapid weight-gain phase? Like calorie restriction, exercise (even fasting) are proven ways to improve health and longevity if you have fat to lose. If you lose weight and SLOWLY gain it back and then do it all over again is that less healthy than maintaining an obese or overweight body? I just feel like a lot of people see dieting as the problem, when the weight regain is what actually puts your health at risk. I trolled google briefly for studies but couldn’t sort through all the garbage.

---

[Rant/Rave] First ever romantic partner without an ED somehow more triggering
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Sun Jun 24 06:11:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8thezb/first_ever_romantic_partner_without_an_ed_somehow/
---
Rave: I have obtained GF! After a bad breakup, a friends with benefits situations gone awry, an awkward half-romance, I have finally found a really genuinely sweet girl who somehow fuckin likes me back! Booyah!

Rant: I have NEVER been involved with anyone who hasn't had an eating disorder before. Bad breakup had BED, fwb had severe anorexia, half romance was in a binge/fast cycle. My girlfriend? I literally watch in AWE as she just.. eats, without making a big deal out of it. If she's hungry, she gets something and eats and stops when she's full. I've only ever been involved with people who also had ED's - our ED's were just casual
topics of conversation, and no one would pressure the other to eat or question their eating habits.

I guess having a girlfriend with healthy eating habits has made me hyper aware of how unhealthy mine are, and it's .. honestly pretty shocking. I've only been around people with eating disorders for
so long that I really stopped thinking of them as abnormal. Has anyone else experienced this?

I see a lot of people who say they wish they has ED friends but like, ALL of my
friends and romantic partners have had EDs. I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm lgbt and disorderd eating is more prevelant among us?

I'm really not sure where I was going with this, it's day two without food or sleep and my brains really scattered right now

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 24, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 24 06:11:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8thexf/daily_food_diary_june_24_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 24, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 24 06:11:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8thew5/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

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Nearly overweight again but still wearing kids' and UK 6 clothes.
/u/letthetemptingbegin
Created: Sun Jun 24 06:00:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8thd4h/nearly_overweight_again_but_still_wearing_kids/
---
This is wild. I'm back at a BMI of 24.65, a recent high, almost as bad as the start of the year, but I'm still managing to [wear kids' shorts (24 3/4" waist) and a size six blouse](https://i.imgur.com/5KeJ5zJ.jpg) UK 6 is roughly US 2. When I'm standing up, the legs of the shorts and the collar of the blouse are even baggy on me. I also regularly wear 26" waist (military surplus so definitely not vanity) trousers. I doubt they make school clothes in vanity sizes either. I'm really confused by this. I'm lucky with my bone structure, I guess. That or it's true that drink weight doesn't stick around so badly. I do have an awful gut and awful thighs, but otherwise I'm somehow managing to pull this off. I'm planning on going entirely sober after a series of drunk medical and social disasters so after that the weight will finally shift. I have no appetite day to day but I don't know if my appetite will come back like crazy after I stop drinking and after the depression fucks off. I just have to hope.

---

[Rant/Rave] Ever think back to when times were simpler?
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine
Created: Sun Jun 24 05:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8th9my/ever_think_back_to_when_times_were_simpler/
---
I sometimes miss the days when I didn’t care about food. I didn’t even know how a calorie worked until I was about 15.

I’d come home after school and just eat chocolate, or brownies, or ice cream, or cookies and just not care. At all. I’d be totally fine with it.

I always said I’d be that girl that would go on a date and order a cheeseburger instead of a salad.

Funny. When I got my first boyfriend, I was too scared to even eat meat.

I wish I could just go to a party or out with friends without logging in calories, or worrying about fasting for the entire day.

I wish I didn’t have to spend an unnecessarily long time looking up menus and trying to customize the order to get the least amount of calories.

I miss the days when I could eat and not have to justify it.

I miss the days when I could just have a lazy day and NOT have to take 30,000 steps to feel okay.

I crave to be healthy again, but I’m too scared to take that step right now.

---

[Discussion] Why do we tell each other how beautiful we are?
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Sun Jun 24 05:22:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8th6sx/why_do_we_tell_each_other_how_beautiful_we_are/
---
It's a simple compliment, and an easy one to give on a sub like this where so many people can't see what they really look like. But whether we can see it or not, why should it matter if we're beautiful?

It's a lost opportunity, if you think about it- we here at r/ProED have the unique opportunity to know other users first by how they conduct themselves, not how they look. This is the perfect community to put aside the standard affirmations of "you're gorgeous, you just can't see it" in favor of a more honest, and in my opinion more personal "who gives a fuck how you look, pretty or no; you're a freaking amazing person and that should be what matters."

Just my thoughts. This community is full of *wonderful* people, and I wish more emphasis were put on reminding each other of that rather than trying to convince each other we're pretty (even if it **is** true).

---

Killstar clothing
/u/daintydollll
Created: Sun Jun 24 05:21:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8th6qd/killstar_clothing/
---
I was shopping on the killstar website and noticed all their models are literally thinspo. they don't use plus size models or even models that would be of a normal weight. it kind of bothers me but at the same time it's really motivating. has anyone else seen killstar models?

---

[Rant/Rave] I have no one else
/u/scrawnybonney
Created: Sun Jun 24 04:48:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8th1th/i_have_no_one_else/
---
So, this is going to be long. And I don't post much to reddit unless it's a picture of my dog or whatever so sorry if I'm doing this wrong.
I have been in recovery from anorexia for about 6 months. Reconnected with my high school sweetheart about a year ago. He has helped me through my disorder and alcoholism since then. Best decision I ever made. I still restrict. A lot. Usually about 800 calories a week. Which is ok, my body is fine and healthy and responding well. I'm at a descent place with my body, restricting or not. But I guess the rant is that my friends still ditch me, plans don't work out, and it just leaves me miserable. (Recovering self harm addict: 5 months)
I just don't know what to do, I do everything to be there for my friends and even if they say I'll talk to you later, I think the worst. My friends are great, that isn't the problem. I just need to be more relaxed and understanding. But lol, anxiety fucks me over. Rant over, thanks for reading. Support encouraged.

---

[Tip] illicit drugs for weight loss?
/u/blaq-gem
Created: Sun Jun 24 03:20:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tgq1d/illicit_drugs_for_weight_loss/
---
anyone kno what illicit drugs are best for weight loss ? i’ve fucked around a lot with em n none seemed particularly good for it ... vyvanse killed my appetite more than any other drug but only when i mixed it w coke

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Yummiest Frozen Meals? Need recommendations. (Also provided my faves, including seasoning tips)
/u/SlutForGarrus
Created: Sun Jun 24 03:17:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tgpl2/yummiest_frozen_meals_need_recommendations_also/
---
So, sometimes I don’t feel up to cooking or starving. Just sometimes. Other times I’m trying to tackle a food craving. So I do Lean Cuisines. I feel like I’m in a bit of a rut with the ones I know I like. I’m not too worried about calories because I have a <200 kcal breakfast and no lunch, so the fact that all of the diet meals are in the 190-390 kcal range is fine. I just want to know what you guys like because it’s yummy, particularly filling or crushes a craving. I know a lot of you eat Amy’s stuff and I have only had a few of those a very long time ago, so I’m excited to hear what I should try!

Here’s my our go-to list of dinners to suit my stupid cravings. I find a lot of these rather bland, so I included what I add for flavor. I listed calories for each and if there’s a second number it’s the total for the seasoned version:
*Pizza:
Pepperoni Lean Pocket 280 (100 cals less than a Lean Cuisine Pepperoni pizza, though I occasionally get those too and doctor them the same way as the lasagna)
*Indian food:
Trader Joe’s Chicken Tikka Masala 360/475 (they also have a vegetarian version). Add garam masala, cumin, salt and pepper. If I’m desperate for the full Indian take-out experience I’ll add half a Trader Joe’s Garlic Naan. Still better than the expensive, fattening restaurant binge.
*”Comfort Food”/mac n cheese:
Lean Cuisine Salisbury Steak w/ Macaroni & Cheese 260/263. Add salt&pepper to all of it, then worchestershire and garlic powder to the meat.
*Mexican:
Cheese and Bean Enchilada Verde 260/280. Add salt, cayenne, cumin, lime juice, nonfat sour cream.
*Chinese:
Trader Joe’s Soup Dumplings 250/265(16g protein!) A few drops of soy sauce and a couple drops of sriracha on each one.
*Italian: Mushroom Mezzaluna Ravioli 290/323. Add salt, pepper, garlic powder, worchestershire, and a little Parmesan cheese.
Ricotta Cheese and Spinach Ravioli 310/355. Add salt, pepper garlic powder, parm, and a sprinkle of McCormicks spaghetti sauce seasoning.
Spinach and Artichoke Ravioli 280/313. Add salt, pepper, garlic powder, worchestershire, and a little Parmesan cheese.
Lasagna with Meat Sauce 320/365 (so good!). Add salt, pepper garlic powder, parm, and a sprinkle of McCormicks spaghetti sauce seasoning.
*Bread:
Chicken Ranch Club Flatbread Melt 370/405. Add salt, pepper, garlic powder and cumin. If I’m really craving cheese. I add a pinch of low-fat cheddar OR after cooking spread on a wedge of Spicy Jack Laughing Cow..

So there are some of mine. What do you guys have for me?

---

Not ready to let go
/u/Firerose157
Created: Sun Jun 24 03:13:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tgoyq/not_ready_to_let_go/
---
Mobile, help

Struggling with self harm and worsening ed. Bf wont go on with me being like this, our relationship is making the issues worse and I feel my world crumbling. Self harm is a deal breaker for him at this point. Dont feel in control of this shell, lost

---

[Help] Would recovery be possibly while also doing IF?
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Sun Jun 24 02:58:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tgmzp/would_recovery_be_possibly_while_also_doing_if/
---
Would I be able to get the best of both worlds? Though I guess I wouldn’t be fully “recovered.” I don’t know.

---

[Discussion] DAE knew people with an ED irl and wonder how they are doing?
/u/kein0815
Created: Sun Jun 24 02:56:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tgmn7/dae_knew_people_with_an_ed_irl_and_wonder_how/
---
I had some friends in high school who - at least back then - have struggled with an ED. Since I moved away two years ago and I don’t have instagram I’m really wondering how they are doing. Ever now and then someone posts a food picture on Snapchat but that doesn’t really say much. I’m just wondering whether they’re okay, they’re still struggling and what they look like now.

---

Not ED Related, but how do you purge properly?
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Sun Jun 24 02:31:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tgj5h/not_ed_related_but_how_do_you_purge_properly/
---
I may have accidentally drank enough water induce hyponatremia in under 10 minutes and somehow that didn't make me throw up (wasn't trying to throw up) so I think it's best if I get that water out of me.

I'm worried people might think this 100&#37; if ED related even though it isn't so I guess I'll explain. Basically I had a panic attack and took an anti-anxiety medication. When I took it I happened to run of out of water in my water bottle and my anxiety told me that I should go get more water so I sort of stood by the sink chugging full bottles of water for a few minutes until my stomach started hurting from overfilling it. Hyponatremia occurs when your sodium levels get too low and this can be because of things like drinking way too much water (which I just did) and taking a diuretic medication (which I do every day). I also checked MyFitnessPal and I only ate about half as much sodium yesterday as I should have. My anxiety medication is definitely starting to work at this point, but now I'm worried logically that I might get sick pretty soon if I can't reduce that amount of water that's going through my body. Once I've started digesting it that's like game over. Honestly think that might have already started, but I guess it's worth a shot. Anyway, I've never purged before so I have no idea how to do it. That's why I'm asking here because I know a lot of you know how to.

Side note, water weight. How fat do you think this is going to make me look?

---

[Discussion] Thinspo of people you know?
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Sun Jun 24 02:03:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tgfj3/thinspo_of_people_you_know/
---
Idk I’m on acid rn but always come across the “fitstagram” of a girl I went to college with. She’s a sweet girl but has an amazing body that I will probably die trying to emulate but eh

---

[Rant/Rave] I purposefully got myself sick to lose quickly!
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Sun Jun 24 01:07:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tg7mk/i_purposefully_got_myself_sick_to_lose_quickly/
---
I feel very very conflicted about what I did...
Last time I got sick was a few weeks ago (maybe early May?) and I dropped from 52 kg to below 48 kg over a couple days. I seem to drop very quickly since my body is mobilizing so hardcore to fight this virus I guess.

Anyway, for the past week I’ve been feeling like I might get sick again. At first I fought it (because I wanted to continue going to work and doing yoga) – I wore warm clothes and drank my tea and took my vitamins and all. Today though, it’s been shit and I feel fat af (I ate 2000 kcal, only 400 of it was a binge and the rest was sort of planned or at least eaten in response to legitimate hunger and was healthy stuff but I maintain at 1600 so I literally fucked myself over there...). My mom really wasn’t helpful, and so tonight while going on a walk I decided to skip the jacket because I figured either I would get sick or at least burn a few more calories per hour, right? And my mom was yelling at me for being a food addict who “barely stopped being fat” and “only stood being fat through pathological behaviours” etc etc.

By the time I got home my voice was several times more raspy, and now I have a fever! I feel absolutely horrid! This was very irresponsible of me considering how my mom also got injured and I really should be in good condition for yoga (this week earlier I blacked out several times, almost fell on top of my head while in a backbend due to feeling faint) and to stop people from worrying about me (yoga instructor and family members have “prescribed” me Healthy Fats In My Diet Like Avocados And Nuts...)

But also I’ve been plateauing, partially due to binges, and I’m stuck at the 48-49 kg range. This illness might possibly push me to my first GW! (It’s actually my third since I keep moving my GW1 when I feel nearby it). And then if I maintain there and don’t increase??

I was probably gonna get sick by tonight anyway, but I feel good that I may have sped it up myself (even if I probably didn’t). I’m borderline considering skipping out on my Lysine supplements just to give my body a hard time with making antibodies, so that I can lose a bit more, but I really shouldn’t (Lysine helps with iron absorption and I’m anemic)

This is bad news and I shouldn’t feel happy but I do. This is nothing impressive and I shouldn’t feel proud but I do.

---

How To Increase Your WillPower - Best Food For Your WillPower
/u/aCueForYou
Created: Sun Jun 24 00:51:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tg55t/how_to_increase_your_willpower_best_food_for_your/
---
https://youtu.be/11sCdCrx7FQ

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[Other] This made me think of all of you ❤️
/u/johanna0318
Created: Sun Jun 24 00:30:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tg1wl/this_made_me_think_of_all_of_you/
---
https://i.redd.it/t8s14yy68w511.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I noticed my arm fat wobbling while driving and I hate it
/u/ifinkufreaky0
Created: Sat Jun 23 23:48:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tfvcu/i_noticed_my_arm_fat_wobbling_while_driving_and_i/
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Has anyone else noticed this? I feel like I’m going insane. My arm felt ticklish and I looked down and noticed it was wobbling the entire time and it made me sick to my stomach. Has anyone else noticed something like this? ☹️

---

[Help] Help me please!! I’m vacationing and there’s no scale :((
/u/nekkedpebbl
Created: Sat Jun 23 23:42:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tfucb/help_me_please_im_vacationing_and_theres_no_scale/
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Hi guys :) so I’m vacationing away from
Home currently and will be for at least another week. I’m staying with my friend and low key freaking out. I haven’t updated my flair (no access to computers) but before I left I hit 109 lbs and was feeling super on track for my UGW.
Since I’ve gotten here, it’s been super difficult to restrict and hide my ED. She doesn’t have a scale (I’m literally weeping ahhh) and we’re eating a lot of meals at home so it’s difficult to count calories. So... I need some help please with:

1) how to restrict while seemingly eating more than you are?
2) tips on to making sure to keep losing (or at least maintain)

What would you guys do??
Thank you guys for taking a moment to help out a friend in need!

---

[Rant/Rave] at least being broke = no temptation for binging!!
/u/gothbaseball
Created: Sat Jun 23 23:10:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tfor6/at_least_being_broke_no_temptation_for_binging/
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I just moved into a new apartment, which means the kitchen is 100% empty. And because I don’t have a job right now, I don’t have any money to buy groceries.

So I’m about 24 hours into a fast simply because there’s nothing to eat and I’m too lazy/broke to go out and get food!

The downside is that being broke means that fast food is the only option if I don’t want to cook... and fast food is sooooo calorically dense. But I’m gonna look on the bright side. Only having $26 to my name can be a good thing, right?

---

People are stupid.
/u/Egleriel
Created: Sat Jun 23 23:06:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tfo4u/people_are_stupid/
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"You look so much better now."


"You needed to gain weight."


"Just buy new clothes that fit your figure."


"Are you done sulking about your weight yet?"


"Just lose ten pounds."


"Just stop eating so much."


"Gross why would you order a salad it's not like vacation calories count"


"Why arent you ordering fries? You always eat fries. I'm ordering you fries."


"Wow why do you have so much food?"


"I've never seen you eat this much"



All of this is stuff I've heard in the 6 hours. Honestly I'm so done with everything and everyone. I've been crying so long now i feel emotionally numb. Everyone on this vacation fell asleep so I'm just crying in bed. I just really want to die. I wish a bus would smash into me. Or a car. Or a train. Or lightning would strike me. Or even getting stabbed in the street. I just want to die already without killing myself. I dont even care anymore that I'm too fat to die. I dont care that I'll look obese in my coffin. At least if it was an accident they wouldnt blame themselves. I'm so tired guys...

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[Discussion] NZ / Australian members.. I want to know what your safe foods are!
/u/losemore
Created: Sat Jun 23 22:48:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tfl2m/nz_australian_members_i_want_to_know_what_your/
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I feel like quite a large majority of this subbredit is from the USA, and a lot of the low cal, pre packaged food I see posted here and in r/EDfood isn’t available in NZ, (halo top I’m looking at you). So I’m curious to know if there are any hidden gems out there on my side of the ditch that I haven’t discovered yet!

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[Discussion] DAE get a slow heartbeat and have like a weird tingly sound come from their ears?
/u/Joyoftheseason
Created: Sat Jun 23 22:42:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tfjvm/dae_get_a_slow_heartbeat_and_have_like_a_weird/
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My HR is in the high 40s as im trying to fall asleep in like a weird episode kinda thing. I knew to check my fitbit when I started hearing that noise. Ugh

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[Rant/Rave] Preemptively heartbroken (a rant)
/u/chemist_the_menace
Created: Sat Jun 23 22:33:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tfi91/preemptively_heartbroken_a_rant/
---
My person has been out of town for a few weeks and I feel like if they cheat on me, it’s because I’m fat.
A previous person cheated on me and said it was because I wasn’t sexually interested enough (I wouldn’t touch them because they abused me so that’s sort of w/e but it made me distrustful). Sex with my current person is frequent and nice, for the record.
Anyway
I saw pics from the trip and there’s a woman who seems to be part of the traveling group who’s so thin and nicely dressed and I just hate my fucking meat prison so much that death sounds like a mercy.
I feel like a boring loser for being HERE and not somewhere cool, and working fucking retail and living with my family, and all that makes it seem more likely that he’s messing around on the side.

He gets back soonish and I’m terrified of getting an STI or being lied to and I haven’t said anything to them because it really feels like a personal issue and I don’t want them to feel obligated to do maintenance from afar. We haven’t talked much at all. I almost don’t want to, despite missing them, because I don’t want them to sense any weirdness. Having to be comforted would make this worse. I’d rather mention it when I’ve eventually talked myself down.

I feel like everything bad that anyone has done to me is because I am not tall and thin or reliable or compassionate and I want to crawl out of my skin and/or light myself on fire.
I kept hiding and crying at work because he said that he missed me, but I feel so fat and crazy and was/am literally angry because it seems like he’d have to be lying to say he missed me.
It’s ridiculous because I’ve never found extreme thinness attractive but I feel so disgusting at a normal weight.
Sorry this is disjointed but I feel like if there’s any place for this kind of rant, it’s here.
I’m sad as hell and restricting and feeling fat and unappealing because I saw pictures of myself from this week and it sort of sent me into a tailspin I guess. I can’t see a way out.

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TW Fat. Ugly fuck. TW
/u/sassaholic
Created: Sat Jun 23 22:19:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tffjr/tw_fat_ugly_fuck_tw/
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https://i.imgur.com/Nq1gVOz.jpg

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[Tip] Tip: cope with binge urges by writing affirmations rather than talking down to yourself
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Sat Jun 23 21:38:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tf79j/tip_cope_with_binge_urges_by_writing_affirmations/
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https://i.redd.it/1kjyumbhdv511.jpg

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headaches while fasting??
/u/ellissaa
Created: Sat Jun 23 21:18:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tf3he/headaches_while_fasting/
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soo i’ve noticed that every time i try to fast, the headaches/ fatigue i feel is more of a problem than the hunger. how do you all deal with it?

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[Rant/Rave] Relapse?
/u/keytahkat
Created: Sat Jun 23 21:10:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tf1u1/relapse/
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It’s been a week is restricting, and I was meant to fast the whole weekend the last night my family said we were going to a restaurant for dinner and I still ate less than I used to but enough to not trigger any questions. Then I was fasting today... and for some reason the urge or mozzarella sticks came so I made them. 4 mozzarella sticks later... in full and gross.

Right after this my mum comes into the room “I should remind myself that every glass of water aids in fat loss”

Now I just am wanting to go purge and fill up on water..... I just am so so done.

I’ve relapsed and recovered sooo many times in the past 8 years. I will reach my goal weight this time

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36 hour fast
/u/tuesdayschildis
Created: Sat Jun 23 20:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tey4h/36_hour_fast/
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Planning on embarking on a 36 hour fast after majorly cheating on keto
I love keto and want to stick with it but my fat ass keeps giving in
I have seven weeks to look hot as fuck at a family wedding.
Any fasting tips?
Came here because I’m afraid of posting the fasting subreddit lol because they ~*don’t have eating disorders*~ (and hell some of them don’t but the overlap is obviously there lmao)

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[Discussion] Does anyone else wildly switch from being extremely disordered and totally fine?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Sat Jun 23 20:49:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8texqw/does_anyone_else_wildly_switch_from_being/
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I can be disordered for months and wake up and then be like 'haha yes time to be normal again' and binge like crazy, not necessarily by choice but my thought process totally changes. Or be "recovered" for a bit and i just wake up and my brains just like "haha guess who?? Time to not eat for 4 days" and i just understandable have a nice day. So i just kind of wildly switch between 90 and 110 lbs and its killing me.

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[Help] C/S large amounts?
/u/goddamnroommate
Created: Sat Jun 23 20:36:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tev8c/cs_large_amounts/
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I just spent an hour and a half chewing/spitting over a kilo of cookies. I’ve never done something on this scale. Obviously I’ll have ingested some calories (but the rest of my day was sub 900, so that’s more or less ok).

I mean, I feel fine. I’ve always been susceptible to binges, so c/s is a huge upgrade for the fact that I’m not getting 100% of the calories I usually would. But what are the downsides to this kind of massive scale? (Also tbh I’m not done with the cookies I just need a water break). What kind of damage will this cause?

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I want to be skinnier :( :( fainting every day
/u/xiaiaiiamc
Created: Sat Jun 23 20:16:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8terbt/i_want_to_be_skinnier_fainting_every_day/
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https://i.redd.it/icty10wtyu511.png

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Anorexic equestrian
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Sat Jun 23 20:09:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tepym/anorexic_equestrian/
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I'm an eventer so every morning I'm at the barn training. I've felt myself get weaker and weaker the more I restrict and now my trainer has noticed and made several comments. I was almost thrown out of the tack today because my horse is difficult and I'm getting too weak to control him. My ed thoughts are taking over and telling me to sell my horse and quit riding because it's the only reason I eat. Anyone have suggestions for low calorie breakfasts that will give me energy and strength for riding?

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[Rant/Rave] A rant on grad school, weight gain, & body dysmorphia
/u/Light__Bright
Created: Sat Jun 23 20:05:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tep7z/a_rant_on_grad_school_weight_gain_body_dysmorphia/
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So I've posted here a few times in the past, and I always end up deleting everything. I feel morally conflicted posting here, because I know that a lot of you guys are young, and I'd hate if anything that I said triggered someone's symptoms. The only reason I'm posting here now is because I'm really struggling and I don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff irl.

I've had these issues off and on for 12 years. I guess what I have would be categorized as "EDNOS", because I mostly restrict and/or purge. It's embarrassing, but I think that it's pretty obvious to people who know me because my weight has fluctuated drastically throughout my life to the point that I'll look like a different person. I was bullied for my weight and looks horribly in school. I ended up developing ED symptoms as a result, and dropped about 60 pounds (I'm not putting numbers, but I will say that I went from overweight to extremely underweight.) I continued these behaviors and stayed pretty small until I started graduate school, and completely went in the opposite direction again. ***I want to be clear here, that if you are reading this and worry that recovering will make you fat, that is NOT what happened. I switched from severe ED behaviors to overeating and excessive drinking*** I went to graduate school for music, at a cut-throat program. Any self-confidence that I had was depleted, and I felt that the faculty regretted admitting me and wanted me to know that. It often seemed like they actually went out of their way to exclude me from things and make me realize how worthless I was to their program. I became severely depressed, and I coped with food and alcohol. Now I am overweight. I have been this way for several years now, despite having symptoms again off and on and fluctuating 10-15 lbs or so over and over again. I think that I still have the body dysmorphia part as well, as I can literally think I look small or gargantuan in the same day. I feel stressed out and depressed every day by my body. I often feel like the outside doesn't match "the real me" or something. I've moved back home and I'm embarrassed that people who knew me as tiny are seeing me after I pretty much failed at a music career AND gained lots of weight. Thought maybe some of you could relate to this, idk, but thanks for letting me rant.

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[Intro] Relapse
/u/lanehead
Created: Sat Jun 23 20:04:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tep0u/relapse/
---
Hey everyone! I just found this subreddit and I'm glad I did.

Some backstory, I'm 30 years old, 5'6 currently around 240 pounds. I was diagnosed with bulimia when I was 14. Over the past 16 years I've been at my lowest of 115 to my highest or 260.
I was in patient for 3 months when I was 16. I've had numerous rounds of out patient. I actually LOVED being in out patient because it was 3 times a week and we ate dinner. Those were the only meals I ate. It felt so good!
3 years ago I had a really bad bulimia relapse. I lost about 60 pounds in 6 months. I ended up gaining almost everything back.
Fast forward and I'm beyond disgusted with my body. I work out 3-4 days a week. But I can't seem to get my appetite under control. I have some bad damage to my teeth from purging for so many years so I'm terribly nervous to give into my (p)urges. I'm afraid I'm going from bulimia to just binge eating.

I'd love some words of encouragement.
I'd like to start water fasting again. I had dinner at 8:00. Maybe I'll start at least shooting 18 hours. Work my way up to 24.
Thanks for reading. ❤

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[Help] A bad sign?
/u/wes117
Created: Sat Jun 23 19:41:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tekd6/a_bad_sign/
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so ive been restricting and getting bad chest pains these past few weeks, and i decided to try to eat maintenance for a bit just to see if it gets better. the chest pains have gotten a LOT better, but my digestion has only gotten worse. this happened even when i was restricting, but to a much lessee extent. i had 3 normal sized meals today and i am crippled in pain from my stomach. it gets a little better if i lie down, but still hurts so much, i also feel a bit queasy and nauseous after eating. i've also been kind of constipated (eating a bit more has helped though, but not by that much). is this normal? should i be concerned? i've seen on mpa some people dealing with the same thing and the comments are all either gastroparesis, ulcer, or a symptom of refeeding syndrome... my stools are normal colored though (tmi) if not a little green, so i don't think ulcer?

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[Discussion] Type-one Diabetes and EDs
/u/imayimight
Created: Sat Jun 23 19:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8teeo4/typeone_diabetes_and_eds/
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I’m t1 diabetic and this adds another level to my eating disorder. When I fast, I go low. When I binge, my blood sugar goes high. When I purge, my blood sugar goes low. There’s no winning. When I go low, I have to drink juice or pop or eat something high in sugar/carbs. And then I freak out.
Today alone I haven’t been able to keep my blood sugar up and I’ve so far had to drink almost 700 calories in juice alone. I’m losing it. I can’t stop crying and stressing.
Any other diabuddy Anabuddies? In what other ways does diabetes get in the way for your ED lifestyle or even help it? Any tips?

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[Rant/Rave] just a small thing
/u/shiraruru
Created: Sat Jun 23 19:10:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8teehb/just_a_small_thing/
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i just found shirataki noodles in the local grocery store and i am ECSTATIC

AAAAAAAHHHHH I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THEM FOR SO LONG

ever since i managed to finish the ever-elusive shirataki packs i've spotted like once i've been hooked and wanting to buy more

and i finally found them again today!!!!!

ok i'm done

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Bright side of period: Too nauseous to eat
/u/GingerWithSunscreen
Created: Sat Jun 23 18:55:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tebjo/bright_side_of_period_too_nauseous_to_eat/
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My period started today and I've felt like absolute shit. Awful cramps and nauseous. But on the bright I've only had 500 cal and even that was a challenge. Plus Im exhausted so Im going to bed early which means no evening snacking.

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[Rant/Rave] Lol🙃why am I like this:)
/u/blkgrlrants
Created: Sat Jun 23 18:26:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8te5lr/lolwhy_am_i_like_this/
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When it's your mom's birthday and you think it's a good idea to not be restrictive for once and gain back the 6 pounds you lost from fasting this week 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

I swear to god I'm gonna cut the fat off of me :))))))))))))

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What do you do when you're filled with self-loathing?
/u/RaineeRose
Created: Sat Jun 23 18:24:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8te57f/what_do_you_do_when_youre_filled_with_selfloathing/
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I don't know what to do. :(

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[Other] DAE just not give a shit
/u/Really_Rizzoli
Created: Sat Jun 23 18:20:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8te4ed/dae_just_not_give_a_shit/
---
Im restricting and i don’t care enough to take a multivitamin. i dont really care enough to drink enough water and whatnot. i like being exhausted and weak. i like not caring. is that bad? what’s wrong with me?

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[Rant/Rave] I have no idea how many calories I had to today
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Sat Jun 23 18:16:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8te3mv/i_have_no_idea_how_many_calories_i_had_to_today/
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Fucking period gave me cravings I couldn’t ignore. So I have Cheetos, a (planned) donut, a chicken wing and leg, some pasta salad, green beans, and steamed shrimp. I had been doing so well with 400-600 calories a day. Now I’m at like 1000 probably for the first time in a while. If i gain from this I’m gonna cry. Plus I’m gonna have to lose this week when I have to go inpatient. Everyone fucking gotten in the way of my progress and I resent them and these fucking cravings. I recently got to my lowest weight (110, I’m 65”) and now it’ll be ruined.

---

I fear I might have BDD
/u/throwaway635888
Created: Sat Jun 23 18:08:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8te1tn/i_fear_i_might_have_bdd/
---
I am 18 years old and I have always had self-esteem issues. I regularly worry if I am ugly or not out of nowwhere and I tend to have obsessive thinking pattern. If I start thinking about something I cannot stop and it makes me miserable and uncapable of enjoying anything.

I think it began with the bullying in middle school but I am not fully sure...I also have depression/anxiety and it could just a side effect (idk really)
I worry about my nose, the size of my breasts or my dark eye circles regularly but I noticed I worry about my body in general.

I started obsessing about my shoulder and my hips and if I was too masculine looking (I even posted measurements on my another profile to ask if my body was disproporzionate).
I can't stand when people want to take pics of me and I tense up if I have to take a pro pic (for example for identity cards)

I didn't start posting selfies until a year and half ago or so, I put other stuff as the profile pic on FB and never posted pics of me.

I know I am not photogenic and I hate how I look in pics most of the times. All the selfies I took look great at least.

I started received random friendship requests by guys and two or three complimented my looks more than once, they said 'I am really beautiful' which sounds ridiculous to me...one guy started hitting on me blantantly (not in a vulgar way, he just said he would be interested in dating and meeting me in real life), one guy (who is like 15+ years older than me) keeps calling me 'beautiful' and sends me pretty pics of flowers (this might sounds cringy but when we talked he seemed like a nice person, so he isn't a creep)
One online guy I had a 'crush' on said that I seemed like an attractive girl (we still talk atm)

All of this stuff, I still worry about my body and looks. I freaked out a little when I hear how looks are essential in relationship and it makes me depressed.
I had a phase when I was 16-17 where I wear a fuckton of make up everytime I stepped outside. Foundation, concealer, some lipstick or mascara or eyeliner. I was so insecure I felt like I had to. Now I stopped wearing so much stuff at once unless I go out for a night etc

Sometimes I feel I am not even a woman. I am skinny (43-45 kg) and I have small breasts (A cup) and I feel like shit whenever I hear someone younger having bigger tits. I feel like there's something wrong with me.

Also when I hear about girls getting catcalled and getting constant attention from men makes me feel insecure because I have never been catcalled or anything.

I know it depends on the area though, I live in a countryside area in North Italy and there are very few people around. The town where my school is has 4000-5000 people and my apartaments are both in really small town (500-2000 people) so it's really quiet here. Verbal and physical bullying are more common but catcalling isn't much of thing here.

I don't think I have ever seen it happening at all, but consider I barely go out and I am generally with my dad. I have never lived in a city and when I was away from home I was rarely, almost never alone. Either I was with my parents and people from school.

I know this type of stuff IS NOT a compliment and it's just harassement but if I hear that most women experienced it then I start thinking there might be something wrong with me, especially if I hear about 11-15 year old girls getting this kind of attention.

I don't really want it though, everytime I go in big places I am hella paranoic of strangers and wary. If a guy compliments me I am initially flattered then I start feeling anxious/tense without a real reasons. I remember I freaked out when that guy I mentioned before expressed directly that he was interested in me/getting to know me in that sense because he found me pretty.

He also asked if I had a boyfriend before or if I had been hit on and it made really uncomfortable at first (not because of the guy itself, he is always respectful)
If men harassed me on a daily basis I would probably get panic Attacks so I am glad it doesn't happen. It's just for the validation...I want a guy to like me because of how I am not just my looks


My breasts are so small that for most of my teen years I didn't even wear a bra but when I had to tell it to my therapist she said 'really? you cannot go out looking flat chested! you need some shape!' since then I never stepped out without a padded bra.

She is also flat chested so insulting me wasn't her intent I guess...but it didn't help really.
What can I do?

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Why are guys on reddit such assholes!? (or maybe I just dont deserve to ever feel good about myself until I'm actually thin)
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Sat Jun 23 17:26:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tdtc5/why_are_guys_on_reddit_such_assholes_or_maybe_i/
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In another sub someone stalked my posts PAST 3 search pages where I identified myself as between overweight and obese to attack me when I called myself "decent looking." I'm seriously crying right now. Like I know I'm fat as fuck and so ugly and repulsive but I was feeling good about myself when I wrote that. I should not feel good about myself until I lose 45lbs by whatever means necessary. I still look like a fat pile of shit to most people. My therapist has been trying to help me deal with dating, as plenty of fugly people date and have happy lives. But that is simply not reality. I cannot be happy looking so fucking terrible. It is impossible for anyone to love me while I look like this.

I've been trying to lose weight weight for my friends wedding next week and the reality is you just cant put enough makeup on a pig. I will still look like a fucking fat mess. There's no fixing that. I dont deserve to date until I lose this weight, get cool sculpting on my chin, a boob job, and probably a tummy tuck from all the damage bingeing has done to my body.

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[Rant/Rave] WHAT IS IT FOR hnfhallsld
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Sat Jun 23 17:20:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tds53/what_is_it_for_hnfhallsld/
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Y’all I am super skinny and bony and shit. My skin is under my ribs, collarbones like fucking Mount Etna, jaw bones which are basically deciduous tree branches in winter. I don’t even have body dystrophin because I can see that I am emaciated.

There is NO REASON for me to continue.

But I also have no motivation to stop. I have lost all control.

People are trying to help but nothing is working. If y’all have been following my saga - I’ve been turned away by 12 professionals on the basis of being “too well to be unwell”, and can’t afford private treatment. THE END IS NIGH.

I’m such a danger and a mess, why am I like this. Ah well wHo cArEs AnYWaY

---

Do you think Oat Fiber has an ED?
/u/Calorue
Created: Sat Jun 23 17:19:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tdrto/do_you_think_oat_fiber_has_an_ed/
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She's a youtube channel that makes "what I eat in a day" type videos, most of them restricting. Some of my friends think she has an ED but I'm kinda iffy on it. I know a lot of people with eating disorders watch her and she does watch eating disorder channels. Apparently she also has a MPA. Here's her channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC80Nf9KRaFt8SG1Tkbhc2Lw
What do you guys think?

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[Rant/Rave] Why do graduation parties have to be a thing?? Summer is the worst for these anxiety get together times
/u/isukatdarksouls9
Created: Sat Jun 23 17:16:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tdr5m/why_do_graduation_parties_have_to_be_a_thing/
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It's literally "hey how many sacks of calories would you like to suck down your fat ugly face hole? Aww come on, I know you can eat more than that!"

No. Shut up. Stop shoving shit in my face. I sware I'm gonna shoot myself.

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT] i was so much thinner when my ex fell in love with me
/u/bananaemoji
Created: Sat Jun 23 17:13:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tdqng/rant_i_was_so_much_thinner_when_my_ex_fell_in/
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I broke up with my ex of six years three months ago when I got my first job out of college. We started dating when I was seventeen- which is the age I was my GW. Our relationship was amazing for the most part until the last year when he became abusive. The problem is now that he was the first BF to know about my b/p- and now I can’t stop thinking how he only fell in love with me because I was thin. I am about 20lbs heavier now and my love life actually sucks. Every time I go on a date I feel like all they are looking at is my fat cheeks or flabby chin or horrible legs and I just wish I could go back in time to being 100 lbs because if I were, i wouldn’t be so fucking lonely.

I miss him almost as much as I miss being my GW, which I haven’t been in who knows how fucking long. I miss having control over my binging and drinking. I swear i’m going to lose my shit if I don’t reach my GW before my 24th birthday.

Ugh. Just needed to complain.

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I want to eat everything right now and it's driving me crazy
/u/Glazed9000
Created: Sat Jun 23 17:02:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tdob7/i_want_to_eat_everything_right_now_and_its/
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I'm so hungry all the damn time. I've tried ec stacking in the past and it's done nothing. I smoke and still no appetite suppression. I eat a bunch of vegetables and I'm still hungry. I chug water and I'm still hungry. I chug diet soda and 30 minutes later I'm eating again. I haven't been able to restrict since I moved back home and it's driving me nuts.

Does anyone know what else I can do?

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Too much... Totally Embarrassed
/u/SpazzyAzzy
Created: Sat Jun 23 17:00:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tdnor/too_much_totally_embarrassed/
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I didn't eat all day in preparation for tonight, because my mom took my husband and I out for Mexican and margaritas. I ate about 20-25 chips with salsa and chori-queso, a margarita and about a third of my chicken fajita, telling myself I just wouldn't count calories today because I have mostly been under my goals for a while, excepting 2 or 3 days.


As soon as we finished, I knew I needed some fresh air because I was so full. I vaped a little and my Mom and husband join me after a few minutes. And then I involuntary got sick in front of them both. I have never been full to that point in my life. I feel ashamed. I could see the sadness in my mom's eyes. It wasn't the alcohol because I wasn't even very drunk (just fairly buzzed), it was the food... Too much.


I just want to crawl out of my skin for a week+. 😭 Can anyone relate?

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[Other] 24 hours in....
/u/johanna0318
Created: Sat Jun 23 16:54:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tdmjb/24_hours_in/
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I have made it 24 hours into my water fast and I'm starving. Obviously, I'm not really starving because I could live off the fat on my ass alone for 3 months, but my brain is sure I'm starving..... I've walked 2 miles, cleaned my house, read a book....They say the first 48 hours are the worst.....

I want Mexican food and margaritas.

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[Help] Need help figuring out what to order for a coffee date???
/u/-fauna
Created: Sat Jun 23 16:19:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tdezi/need_help_figuring_out_what_to_order_for_a_coffee/
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I'm going out to coffee in a couple days and I'm not a huge fancy coffee person (I drink my coffee with some almond milk and sugar and thats it) but I wanna try something good and I've never rly ordered coffee outside of starbucks and like 1 other coffee place.

[Heres a picture of the menu for the place](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/570809ff2fe131620465b667/t/57083505f8baf3b9cbddc671/1460155669989/?format=2500w). I'm ok with splurging a little, so what here is <400 calories and would taste good to someone who isn't used to a lot of bitterness. No preference other than something sweet.

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DAR feel like this?
/u/alliwantisskinny
Created: Sat Jun 23 16:11:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tdd2r/dar_feel_like_this/
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whenever I eat I literally feel like it's the end of the world and I have to kill myself lol obviously I never have.. uh? k. I'm rambling but I just ate some candy on my break at work. I had a 12 hour day and only aye candy and I feel like "welp might as well kill myself I'm so fat and can't even resist anything." I don't know what this post even is. sorry:(

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[Discussion] How long do you wait between binging and purging
/u/supersecretedaccount
Created: Sat Jun 23 15:11:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tczep/how_long_do_you_wait_between_binging_and_purging/
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For me it’s usually like an hour, because I try not to purge and then eventually cave. Then I just torture myself thinking that I’ve already taken in all the calories by then and purging didn’t make any difference.

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I want to starve until I disappear
/u/audreyhepburnwho
Created: Sat Jun 23 15:09:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tcyzt/i_want_to_starve_until_i_disappear/
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Ive been lurking around here for months finally decided to create a throwaway in order to post.

I hit my lowest weight last year and thanks to body dismorphia didnt realize how small I was. I never got even close to underweight but thats not my goal. looking back I looked good enough. Im not much heavier thanks to almost a year of yo-yoing. well no more. Im fasting . Today is day 1. thanks to threads like IF and fasting I found out I dont actually have to hit a minimum amount of calories. So many times I wished I could just not eat without having to worry about "starvation mode" and all that... I thought, if I could just NOt eat, that would make it much easier than counting calories in small portions of food and obsessing about it over and over... not anymore. Ive been doing IF for a while, and I hit some longer fasts, up to 5 days. I know have a goal to fast for as long as I can. I need this. I miss feeling empty. I binged today and I hate the fullness. Im not thin, I won't "feel" thin but just feeling empty is such a nice feeling... much nicer than any food but I tend to forget that. well here we go. officially not eating, for at least 1 week, but Im hoping for 2. who's with me.

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[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend cooked for me tonight.
/u/weed42069666
Created: Sat Jun 23 14:55:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tcvni/my_boyfriend_cooked_for_me_tonight/
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And while it was a really nice gesture, it was so fucking greasy, it was a processed cheese stuffed burger cooked in butter and i had to eat it, he originally wanted me to have two patties on one bun but i told him to only put one.

He knows i’m trying to eat pretty healthy but he doesn’t know my ed has relapsed about two months ago and i want to purge so bad. I can’t even imagine how many calories i ate, even though i only ate about 2/3 of it. I cant stop obsessing over it. AGH!!

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[Rant/Rave] when you get really sick so you have to eat something and then you get depressed when the scale goes up after you fill your stomach so you throw it back up and get sick again
/u/bswifey
Created: Sat Jun 23 14:32:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tcqeb/when_you_get_really_sick_so_you_have_to_eat/
---
super fun time

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[Other] It’s hard to stay away when...
/u/WaitingForHealing
Created: Sat Jun 23 14:30:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tcpw1/its_hard_to_stay_away_when/
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You fell off the wagon eating around maintenance.
You get back on the healthy weight loss wagon and eat 1200-1500 calories a day. You walk 5 days a week for an hour. You eat lots of protein because you started strength training.

Look at you go!

You let yourself eat maintenance to go to a concert and again to hang out with friends. Look at your self control and you letting yourself live your life.

Then... the scale refuses to budge.

You remind yourself that muscle building causes water retention and the scale may go up and not move for a while because you just started.

You encourage yourself because you used to have good muscle mass so muscle memory will kick in and you’ll look great. The plateau will end.

Then the scale is so frustrating.

It’s only been 3 weeks try to relax...


You go through something traumatic and stop working out.

So, you eat 800-1000 calories and in 3 days you have went under your lowest weight (the most recent one).

It’s hard to stay a fucking way. I’m gonna try and make my strength training routine normal again... that was why I started eating 1200-1500 for muscle growth because I want to look as good as I can at each GW I accomplish. OMG how am I supposed to be healthy if the scale is so fucking mean?

How am I supposed to stop doing this? I want to lose weight the right way...

I’m also a bit of a masochist so the self torture excites me.

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[Rant/Rave] I hate myself either way
/u/ratorture
Created: Sat Jun 23 14:08:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tckm0/i_hate_myself_either_way/
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I hate myself for being disordered even though I have every reason to recover. I’m motivated to eat healthily and maintain weight by continued/increased success in my sport. I hate myself because I’m using my career as an excuse not to be disciplined in starving myself. I’m too weak-willed to commit to being thin and too much of idiot to stop being so disordered and commit to my future. Fucked either way!

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What if it's not BDD? What if it's just the fact I'm ugly?
/u/Nirette
Created: Sat Jun 23 14:00:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tcikh/what_if_its_not_bdd_what_if_its_just_the_fact_im/
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I've said to my doctors before that I'm well aware of my hooked nose, hooded eyes, thick skin across cheeks, body acne, thin lips, bad eyebrows, and crooked face. I know these all exist (if you're curious for whatever reason, i have posted pictures of myself before on reddit). But they just say "BDD!" Why?? I know they aren't supposed to just look you in the eye and say "hey, you know what, you're right." I know they can't diagnose you as "ugly". But why try to say you're mentally ill?

Even my family does this! It makes me mad thinking they'd rather have me accept the fact I have a mental illness more than accept the fact that I'm just ugly. I feel like it's so wrong. I just wanna accept that I'm ugly and then try to move on, but people keep saying I'm just ill. I know I'm not. I have fat legs, a fat stomach, a fat face, and bad bone structure. I know this. It's not BDD. I just wish I could start the process of accepting it all.

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getting out of inpatient soon, so goodbye r/proed?
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Sat Jun 23 13:52:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tcgsf/getting_out_of_inpatient_soon_so_goodbye_rproed/
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Currently home on a pass, getting out in 3 days. I've been doing fairly good and really want to try this time. This sub was my best friend my first time inpatient but now i'm getting my nutrition increased and have residential hanging over my head if i don't do good in partial hospitalization. I've made some wonderful friends on this sub but it's just too triggering at this point in my recovery, i'm 16 now and i don't want to be in and out of treatment the rest of my life. I wish you all the best of luck, thank you for being my only friend during my low times.

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[Other] I started purging when I said I never would
/u/imayimight
Created: Sat Jun 23 13:21:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tc9dz/i_started_purging_when_i_said_i_never_would/
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...but I love how I feel...

I never thought I would start purging after eating (even “regular” sized meals). But the last two months or so I have been. And I think about it almost all the time.

I don’t know what posting this is meant to do, I just needed to say it, not in my head.

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I can't eat like a normal fucking person anymore. So that's great.
/u/Raynx
Created: Sat Jun 23 13:06:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tc5wc/i_cant_eat_like_a_normal_fucking_person_anymore/
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When I come to this place, I try to mostly lurk out of respect for those who are afflicted by much more serious problems than me. However, I loathe the path I'm headed towards and am not sure how to break it. This is just a rant, it's perfectly understandable for anyone to skip it.

I'm a guy, in his late 20's, neither morbidly obese nor skinny. I know what some initial reactions may be - "EDs don't discriminate" - but after reading and learning so much from this sub, I can't pretend I have anything worth being diagnosed. I just don't know how to eat anymore.

My life is at a standstill because I need to lose weight before trying to find a new job and moving cities at the same time (can't impress anyone if I look like shit). I'm literally waiting and wasting days away, with no progress whatsoever. I have entered a cycle of fasting for longer and longer times, and binging for bigger and bigger amounts. There was an annual event a couple of days ago in my city, special enough for me to break a mere 4-day fast; lots of drinking and eating, which happened non-stop over the course of the evening... The worst thing is that rather than getting back on track right away, I extended that "cheat day" again, and a meal that was supposed to be limited to my TDEE ridiculously became several times that.

So here I am, having of course gained several kilos over a couple of days, and I can assure you that it's not all water weight. It's funny, I remember rarely crying in the past, maybe once every few years; now it happens every few days. There are other reasons, of course, but it doesn't help.

I know better than to wish to be anorexic. This sub is very eye-opening and my heart goes with anyone who is struggling with worse demons than me. What I need is the willpower to stop eating, and not start again until I finally stop looking like a bloated sack of shit.

That's it, just a 100% first-world problem. As of today, I have no reason to eat for the foreseeable future. Food is never worth it.

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At what point in a plateau should I eat more for the whoosh?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Sat Jun 23 12:44:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tc084/at_what_point_in_a_plateau_should_i_eat_more_for/
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I have been the same weight for 3 days despite burning at least 1/2lb of day. It \*might\* be my pre-period weight increase. I'm scared to eat more than my limit right now, but at how many days of plateau would it make sense to have a 'binge'? 5, 10, 15? And if I DON'T binge, eventually I'll break the plateau anyway, right?

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b/p
/u/MrsConfused
Created: Sat Jun 23 12:42:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbzvw/bp/
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i binged and i purged and i didnt even get it all but im shaky and exhausted can anyone cheer me up? feeling so useless rn kill me pls

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Fasting This Weekend
/u/sagittorius
Created: Sat Jun 23 12:33:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbxr0/fasting_this_weekend/
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I just had my first hunger pang/stomach growl.

I am strong. I can do this. I will not give in today.

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[Help] Need information on how much weight I can lose in 1 month
/u/eciotti
Created: Sat Jun 23 12:26:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbvy5/need_information_on_how_much_weight_i_can_lose_in/
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I am currently 150 lbs and was normally at 100 before I started to indulge in food. I wanted to know how much weight I could lose based on the following:
I consume about 650 calories a day. I work out on the elliptical machine for an hour every day and burn about 515 calories. I have tried to find a weight lose calculator app to help me but they all will not recognize my input due to it not being healthy. Can anyone help me determine how much weight will be lost? Does anyone have tips on what more I could be doing at the gym besides the elliptical? Should I ab, arm, leg workouts with weights? I desperately want my old body back as I am so ashamed of what I look like now that I won't even leave the house except to go to work. Any I formation and encouragement would be great.

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Need I formation on how much I can lose in a month.
/u/eciotti
Created: Sat Jun 23 12:16:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbtl1/need_i_formation_on_how_much_i_can_lose_in_a_month/
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I am currently 150 lbs and was normally at 100 before I started to indulge in food. I wanted to know how much weight I could lose based on the following:
I consume about 650 calories a day. I work out on the elliptical machine for an hour every day and burn about 515 calories. I have tried to find a weight lose calculator app to help me but they all will not recognize my input due to it not being healthy. Can anyone help me determine how much weight will be lost? Does anyone have tips on what more I could be doing at the gym besides the elliptical? Should I ab, arm, leg workouts with weights? I desperately want my old body back as I am so ashamed of what I look like now that I won't even leave the house except to go to work. Any I formation and encouragement would be great.

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ate too much
/u/Nirette
Created: Sat Jun 23 12:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbqpn/ate_too_much/
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i ate way too much last night and today. typing this laying next to my bf. i feel awful, guys. i know him seeing me eat makes him happy, but i'm miserable. i don't want to eat for the rest of the day. i think im gonna feign being sick so i don't have to. wish me luck. i feel like crap.

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[Help] I haven't pooped in soooo long. I've tried cranberries, laxatives, nothing is working please help :(
/u/AnAccidentSince1997
Created: Sat Jun 23 12:03:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbqhr/i_havent_pooped_in_soooo_long_ive_tried/
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My insides are so bloated and in pain. I binged last night and I feel even worse, because everything is just sitting in me and not moving. I'm bloated and it hurts and I don't know what to do.

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Why am I feeling so weak all the time?
/u/shapay199
Created: Sat Jun 23 12:01:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbpu4/why_am_i_feeling_so_weak_all_the_time/
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Right now I’m doing high restriction because I finally want to stop binging for good and fasting never lasted too long. I’ve been eating 1200 for the past 20 days and haven’t binged once which is the longest I’ve gone in over a year (yay me). But, I now feel extremely tired, weak and hungry all the time, which is very confusing to me since 1200 is not that much of a deficit. I have a healthy BMI, I don’t just eat junk food either. I do exercise a bit but not excessively, just some cycling and weight lifting a couple times a week. I thought I’d feel better finally eating a normal amount every day, but I wake up feeling dizzy and have cravings for all the food. Why is my body freaking out about a couple hundred calories of deficit? Wtf why is healthy eating this shitty too? Does anyone else experience this despite eating „a lot“ of food?

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Cool study shows link between neurobiology and food choices
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf
Created: Sat Jun 23 11:48:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbmh1/cool_study_shows_link_between_neurobiology_and/
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[removed]

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currently freaking the fuck out :’(
/u/psychardelic
Created: Sat Jun 23 11:39:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbk9z/currently_freaking_the_fuck_out/
---
im lying beside my bf in bed now trying not to have a fucking panic attack.

just a couple minutes ago, i was asking him to check if there were anything stuck in my retainers and he asked me why my throat looked so bruised??? i literally felt my heart skip a beat and ironically, it made me feel like throwing up. i just nervously said it was because (tmi) of the bj i gave him just now and he didnt seem convinced at all and i just said i didnt know...but truth is, ive been on a binge purge cycle this last week, purging pretty much everyday and ravaging my throat in the process. i feel like i can just cry right now. im stuck between wanting him to know how fucked up i actually am and never wanting him to know how pathetic i am. ive also been complaining about how my stomach has been hurting and i suddenly realize it *could* possibly be stomach ulcers.

i feel so down in the dumps right now. why am i like this?

---

[Other] Your go-to Sbucks/DD drink?
/u/awlas
Created: Sat Jun 23 11:29:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbhmg/your_goto_sbucksdd_drink/
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Low calorie, not much sugar but still sweet? I found I had to cut out the sugary drinks since I was gaining unnecessary weight from it but maybe because I was drinking the wrong stuff. What’s your go-to drink?

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leg exercises you guys do?
/u/llatae
Created: Sat Jun 23 11:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbhhb/leg_exercises_you_guys_do/
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what are exercises, specifically leg exercises, that you guys do that helped slim down your legs. i have tons of fat on my thighs and calves that im looking to rid of. and how long did it take for you to see results?

my friend who has amazing legs says she turns the treadmill up to the highest incline and walks (3.5mph) for 20 min so ive been trying that.

---

Body fat accuracy [discussion]
/u/HotMessCentral
Created: Sat Jun 23 11:23:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbg6z/body_fat_accuracy_discussion/
---
So I put my information into the U.S. Navy body fat % calculator and it said I was 9.6% body fat. For a girl, that's pretty low. I've only lost 8 pounds, so that seemed really low. I measured again, 8.8%. Again, 10.4%. Again, 8.8%. These all seem really low, like below essential body fat low.


I can see my bones but they're not sharp and clear. I started losing weight around a month ago and have lost 8 pounds (high restriction=suspicion). I really doubt I'm that skinny. So how accurate is it? And if it's correct, do I need to gain weight?

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Restrictive eating leading o hyperthyroidism?
/u/mainVeinLaine
Created: Sat Jun 23 11:13:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbdve/restrictive_eating_leading_o_hyperthyroidism/
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I’ve dealt with an ED on and off since 2011, I started restrictive eating again in December and did that until about March when I started having some problems with fatigue/hair loss. I’m doing much better now, started eating normally /working out, I went to the doctor to discuss hair loss and the fact my weight is still dropping and he said my thyroid is overactive. I read that anorexia can occasionally cause hyperthyroidism, has anyone else experienced this? is there any medication that WONT make me gain weight?

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[Rant/Rave] I want off this ride
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Sat Jun 23 11:02:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbax2/i_want_off_this_ride/
---
I am so tired and sad. I’m tired of constantly thinking about food and what I “can” and “can’t” eat. I’m tired of wondering whether the scale will go down in the morning, if I’m pooping enough, if I’m flushing all the sodium out, if anybody notices that I’m dropping weight rapidly (and dammit, why AREN’T they noticing?), of trying to talk myself into eating more, for feeling like crap for eating more than I planned. I’m tired of looking for newly emerging collarbones or hip bones (not even close yet) or checking to see how loose my clothes are getting.

I’m just tired. And yet I have no intention of stopping anytime soon. As if I could if I wanted to.

---

[Discussion] Does anyone else carry emergency food with them?
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Sat Jun 23 11:01:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tbane/does_anyone_else_carry_emergency_food_with_them/
---
I usually have to carry a protein bar or pack of crackers with me in my purse. Sometimes I go too long without eating and end up shaking and weak to the point that I can’t function until I eat something. Hard candies help too but sometimes aren’t enough.

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[Help] someone convince me to order that damn burger
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sat Jun 23 10:53:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tb8tl/someone_convince_me_to_order_that_damn_burger/
---
so i've been pretty strict with my diet the past month and haven't binged. i've been eating 800-900cals, walking nearly every day with higher intensity cardio sessions a few times a week & I just finished my final exams yesterday so I feel like I deserve a treat. plus I have job training tomorrow so I need energy. i've been craving this veggie burger and i'd still be in a deficit if i ate it on top of my regular meal plan but my dumb ED brain is giving me food anxiety. but i want itttt. plus it would make my SO happy because i've been procrastinating ordering out with him for awhile. why does this have to be such a big deal lol. someone convince me that higher cal days are okay pleaseee

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I bought peanut butter!!
/u/Melusedek
Created: Sat Jun 23 10:37:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tb4q1/i_bought_peanut_butter/
---
And it's still here!

This is one of my big fear/binge foods, and I know it's the same for a lot of people here. I feel like this is the only place that'll appreciate how big of a deal this is.

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ate too much last night HELP
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Sat Jun 23 10:23:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tb1gy/ate_too_much_last_night_help/
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Ugh, I ended up eating a shit ton in the middle of the night, really only half awake: four pieces of bread, some with butter, then peanut butter mixed with sugar and a bunch of cashew dipped in sugar. I feel disgusting now, it's the morning, my head hurts from all the sugar, and it's raining so I can't even run it off.

I am going to fast today to get all this crap out of my system. I hate knowing I've ruined the day before it's even started. Can you please help me stay motivated to fast all day? These days are really the most depressing, the hardest days. I'm so angry at myself. Why can't I just be normal and eat like a regular person????

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[Rant/Rave] DAE convince themselves little bites of things are zero calories?
/u/bearantennae8611
Created: Sat Jun 23 09:56:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8taui1/dae_convince_themselves_little_bites_of_things/
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I do this all the time. I nibble on like 5 things total, and then I’m like there I tried stuff so I don’t need the WHOLE thing, and it’s not that many calories. It’s why I can’t fucking lose any weight, and I’m driving myself insane. I keep lying to myself about everything. I’m so sick of myself.

---

[Help] How much bronkaid am I allowed to purchase in a month?
/u/favisnugget
Created: Sat Jun 23 09:24:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tamvk/how_much_bronkaid_am_i_allowed_to_purchase_in_a/
---
I understand in the States we’re limited to a certain amount because of the meth thing. How much can I buy? Thanks in advance lovelies!

---

[Discussion] What are your thoughts on cheat meals and their aid in overcoming plateaus?
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Sat Jun 23 09:04:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tai9s/what_are_your_thoughts_on_cheat_meals_and_their/
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A lot of non-ED people on diets claim that they have "cheat meals" once a week to kickstart their metabolism once theyve plateaued. Problem is I'm too scared to attempt one even though I've been plateauing for quite some time and my calorie restrictions are clearly much less than the norm. Has anyone here tried it, and if so, how has it affected your weight?

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[Rant/Rave] I HIT A NEW LW!!!!
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sat Jun 23 09:03:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tahuw/i_hit_a_new_lw/
---
I cannot post stats because I'm on mobile. But YOU GUYS!!! I just weighed myself this morning when I woke up. I weigh 89lbs (5'2) I am so fucking proud of myself. My hard work has paid off!!!

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[Goal] incredibly fucked up goal 🙃
/u/blackcoffeegreentea
Created: Sat Jun 23 09:02:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tahnu/incredibly_fucked_up_goal/
---
i have an ex-bf that i’ve remained good friends with, and sometimes still have momentary feelings for (only passing nostalgia, i’d NEVER do anything about it, he’s with someone else & we’ve been broken up for years & i’m really happy that we’re friends— just sometimes i miss the relationship & old memories).

well, he just got engaged to his current girlfriend (who i’m also friends with although i haven’t known her as long) & oh boy, that’s bringing up a lil shit for me. she is this tall, suuuuper thin thinspo-goals, phd in genetic science, saving the world kind of girl. i really actually think she’s awesome & we get along well, but i am secretly super envious of how gorgeous she is.

they’ve invited me to the wedding (which is next spring) aaaaand now my goal is to get thinner than the bride by her wedding day.

wtf is my problem?! these people are my friends and they want to share the happiest day of their lives with me!! i feel like a narcissistic piece of shit, but i’m still gonna aim for that goal.

🙃🙃🙃

---

[Rant/Rave] Wearing a crop top in public for the first time
/u/Rickticia
Created: Sat Jun 23 08:59:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tagwu/wearing_a_crop_top_in_public_for_the_first_time/
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Just a quick rave. I’m really nervous, but I’ve been trying to get my self confidence up, so I’m gonna try to wear a crop top in public today. As long as I don’t eat anything or drink too much, I should be fine I hope. I also have a baggy man’s shirt to cover myself with if I get overwhelmed.

---

[Rant/Rave] TW- Got assaulted by an Uber driver last night
/u/tastefuldebauchery
Created: Sat Jun 23 08:40:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8tacoa/tw_got_assaulted_by_an_uber_driver_last_night/
---
I’m a mess today. I’ve got the makings of a massive bruise. It hurts to move the thigh muscle because he gripped me so hard. [Bruise in question ](https://imgur.com/a/OQxzaBO)
I’ve been crying all day, but hey I can finally eat without a god damn care (not really).

I don’t know what I’m saying or trying to say. I’m just heartbroken and terrified he’ll show up at my door. So meanwhile I’m stuffing my face with cheesecake. I’ve never been a depression/ trauma eater. I just want to hide under a line of blanket and never venture out again.

The fuck is wrong with me?

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[Help] help me fast and stay motivated
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Sat Jun 23 07:02:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t9sbt/help_me_fast_and_stay_motivated/
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Ugh, I ended up eating a shit ton in the middle of the night, really only half awake: four pieces of bread, some with butter, then peanut butter mixed with sugar and a bunch of cashew dipped in sugar. I feel disgusting now, it's the morning, my head hurts from all the sugar, and it's raining so I can't even run it off.

I am going to fast today to get all this crap out of my system. I hate knowing I've ruined the day before it's even started. Can you please help me stay motivated to fast all day? These days are really the most depressing, the hardest days. I'm so angry at myself. Why can't I just be normal and eat like a regular person????

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[Rant/Rave] Graduating is stressing me out
/u/therealtompetty
Created: Sat Jun 23 07:01:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t9s3a/graduating_is_stressing_me_out/
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Today is my graduation ceremony (finally done with the hell that is high school, yay!) and I'm trying to pick out a dress to wear but I look like I'm pregnant in absolutely everything. My mom was even sweet enough to surprise me with three new dresses/rompers yesterday but they all have spaghetti straps which I can't wear because they show off my flabby upper arms and armpit fat. I don't want to hurt her feelings by not wearing them but I refuse to look so fat when I know a lot of pictures will be taken. We're also going out to eat after the ceremony and the restaurant doesn't have calories on their menu. I overate last night and I don't want to today. Next weekend is my grad party and I know everyone is going to give me food as presents and we're having a big meal. Family will also be visiting for a few days which always means lots of food. I am just so stressed out and I feel terrible about myself right now. Now my eyes are all red and puffy too which is just wonderful. Sorry if this makes no sense I just need to vent a little.

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[Help] How to help a friend?
/u/UnbrandedContent
Created: Sat Jun 23 06:50:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t9q7j/how_to_help_a_friend/
---
Apologies if this is not the correct subreddit for this question or if it has been answered before. Also apologies for any grammatical errors. It is early in the morning, I am at work, and the coffee isn't working.
My friend is anorexic. Under most normal circumstances when she has needed help or advice in the past she listens to me and accepts help. It causes me to become impatient and irritable and I feel like I cannot offer the best advice/help in her situation. This is a new problem for me to help someone with, so I don't know the best course of action. To those of you struggling with an ED or those who have since recovered, what advice would you give to a friend who is trying to offer their best support but doesn't know how to support or care for an individual in this situation. Help me help a friend.
Thanks!

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[Rant/Rave] Drunkenly ordered a McDonald’s feast last night at 4 AM. Help. Me.
/u/dukebailey
Created: Sat Jun 23 06:38:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t9nv9/drunkenly_ordered_a_mcdonalds_feast_last_night_at/
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Firstly, I couldn’t tell you the last time I had McDonald’s. And you’d think I was trying to make up for lost time with my order lol. Had a double cheeseburger, large fry, chicken selects, and a mcflurry when I got home from a night out. No. I hate myself.

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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! June 23, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 23 06:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t9j9s/stupid_questions_saturday_june_23_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for June 23, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 23, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 23 06:10:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t9j58/daily_food_diary_june_23_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 23, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Other] Mini McFlurrys!
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Sat Jun 23 05:57:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t9gui/mini_mcflurrys/
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I’m not sure if it’s already been posted but McDonalds are bringing out a mini mcflurry for summer which is supposedly only 150 calories, i know halo top exists but i have a weakness for mcdonald’s ice cream and getting a normal one is just too tempting to eat it all so I, for one, am so excited!

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[Rant/Rave] I’ve gained 4lbs and I’m really upset
/u/thejailers
Created: Sat Jun 23 05:39:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t9dyg/ive_gained_4lbs_and_im_really_upset/
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Plus mum has been hounding me about how much I’m eating and pointing out my breakouts saying it’s my diet. I feel so revolting. I wish I had half of the strength some of you have with restricting. I’m sick of abusing food and wine as a comfort. This might be taboo and wrong to ask but how do you stop eating so much? I’m stuck in this binge eating and drinking trap and I can’t get out. It’s the height of summer and I’m too fat to go out.

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Xpost from r/Confessions: When I get on the scale with my cat to measure his weight, I secretly wish that he is fat af so I turn out slimmer.
/u/Rikicarvu
Created: Sat Jun 23 05:30:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t9cg2/xpost_from_rconfessions_when_i_get_on_the_scale/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/8t2l3z/when_i_get_on_the_scale_with_my_cat_to_measure/

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Trying on summer clothes today! Nervous...
/u/Judo_Noob_PTX
Created: Sat Jun 23 04:57:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t97bq/trying_on_summer_clothes_today_nervous/
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Flair is, idk, maybe a goal? Depends how well this goes.

Anyway yes. Parents want me to try on all my summer clothes as we're going on holiday in 2 weeks. Very nervous as I already know some everyday clothes are smaller on me. I don't want to turn to my parents and say they're too big! That will spark worries. I also have this fear that it'll all be way too tight and I'm still huge. DAE? 😂😭

Wish me luck, and I will update once I've tried everything (no pics as privacy).

---

I just want to thank ya'll for being the most supportive community on Reddit.
/u/SlipMitts
Created: Sat Jun 23 03:40:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t8w7h/i_just_want_to_thank_yall_for_being_the_most/
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So today's my birthday and not a single person remembered. Not even a call from my mom. I've spent basically all of today feeling extra terrible, lonely, worthless, and being torn between wanting to binge or wanting to starve forever into oblivion.

I came onto this sub to maybe find some some thinspo and push myself towards the starving side. But instead I just found so many threads full of supportive people all commiserating and interacting positively while we're struggling against the same thing. No haters, no shaming, just support. This is legit my favourite place on Reddit.

In a small but significant way you've all made me feel a little better about today. Just wanted you all to know that you're the best.

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[Rant/Rave] late night binges.
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Sat Jun 23 02:34:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t8n2h/late_night_binges/
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i swear they will be the death of me. i told myself i was going to fill up my water bottle and that was it. i wasn’t even hungry. i ate some crackers with cheese and meat. and then a candy bar. and chips and apple slices and a slice of pizza and my sister walked in on me and was like “what are you doing?” and laughed because i acted as if i had been caught committing murder or something. i just said i was craving something good and she just shrugged it off and went back to her bedroom. i continued to pop several Oreo cookies into my mouth, then spitting them out into the bin. i want to purge so bad. i need to go shopping tomorrow honestly for healthier food because all the junk food surrounding me is killing me

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Weird, not necessarily bad, ways your personality's changed since having an ED?
/u/tinyfleabite
Created: Sat Jun 23 02:29:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t8m90/weird_not_necessarily_bad_ways_your_personalitys/
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Title's a bit weird, but has your ED contributed to a personality change that hasn't exactly been negative? For me, I've become an obsessive perfectionist who studies religiously, polar opposite of what I used to be. Don't want to recover because I'm scared my grades'll drop lol. I'm also more cutesey and less moody I guess.

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Worth going to the nurse?
/u/relapseandrecovery
Created: Sat Jun 23 02:23:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t8lhw/worth_going_to_the_nurse/
---
So I woke up just now (4am) because I had a horrible chest pain. It felt like cramp but where my heart is. It was VERY similar to the pain I used to get with my gallbladder but, again, in my heart area. It only happened for a few moments and went away. I don't want to bother going to the infirmary if this isn't a big deal. Any clue what it might be/if it's an issue?

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Anyone else have a Squatty Potty?
/u/PHDinLurking
Created: Sat Jun 23 02:14:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t8k94/anyone_else_have_a_squatty_potty/
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They're great! Not only do they help you poop, but they also provide a convenient seat for you at the toilet. No more awkward bending over. You can comfortably purge and regret why you had that piece of cake and fries for lunch 🙃🙃🙃🙃

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how to deal w free food
/u/sissmiss23
Created: Sat Jun 23 00:09:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t8117/how_to_deal_w_free_food/
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something ive been struggling with lately is the availability of free food. im working an internship at an office w free snacks and its making my life a living hell. like round the clock yogurt covered pretzels?? i literally ate my damn weight in those things today & now im paying for it w a big glass of miralax + water.

how the heck do u mentally rationalize the ease of free food?

i grew up in a household where i was supposed to eat everything on my plate, always, or I was wasting food. and now that food comes so easily, how do i reverse that childhood-plated standard?

help help help! i want to enjoy my internship so badly but all i think about is that free food!

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[Rant/Rave] Damn
/u/hamburger_helpher
Created: Sat Jun 23 00:05:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t80bq/damn/
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I... god. well one of my best friends for our whole lives, her husband sexually assaulted me, trust that it could not have BEEN more non-consensual, and they’re both icing me out for good because this is a “trial” that will “strengthen their marriage bond.” And it was my fault anyway for “caring so much about my appearance” so I made myself bait. Circles on circles of support systems of mine gone just like that in the midst of a lot of hell I’ve been through -without- all of that.

It’s whiskey & Coke Zero tonight and from here on out just getting skinny enough to where a guy would laugh at the idea of taking advantage of me

Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes :( I do not feel like a person with feelings to people anymore

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[Tip] No Gag Reflex... any immediate purging tips?
/u/sissmiss23
Created: Fri Jun 22 23:59:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t7zem/no_gag_reflex_any_immediate_purging_tips/
---
So I've been struggling with disordered eating for about 2 years now (the norm; binging and fasting), but whenever i eat too much and i want to purge it, i just cannot cannot CANNOT ever get myself to throw up. I've tried multiple times, and no matter how far i get down my throat (granted, i've only tried my fingers) i cannot seem to throw up. while the no-gag-reflex thing may seem like a gift, i truly wish there was a way to purge my binge eating that doesn't involve throwing up.

im on the miralax train now, and thats alright. but i wish there was something more immediate.

anyone have any tips? i would be so so grateful.

<3

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Started purging. This isn't like me.
/u/margotdelores
Created: Fri Jun 22 23:00:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t7pkv/started_purging_this_isnt_like_me/
---
I'm big on restricting but for the past week I've started purging anytime I eat. I'm worried my bad habits have been escalating. I'm being hard of myself about it because I know how horrible it is for my body. But I keep watching the numbers drop on the scale and it's exciting. I'm worried my ed is progressively getting worse. But at the same time I'm so thrilled to be losing weight. Just venting.

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[Tip] kitty litter
/u/hkcute_
Created: Fri Jun 22 21:39:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t7a72/kitty_litter/
---
kind of a weird tip, but i find that whenever i get the urge to have a hardcore binge, it helps to instead clean out the cat litter. the awful smell kinda just takes all my appetite away, so i can eat with a little more control lol :D

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[Help] Is this depression or a really bad eating disorder...can anyone relate?
/u/wes117
Created: Fri Jun 22 21:06:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t73pv/is_this_depression_or_a_really_bad_eating/
---
for the past few weeks i've been feeling extra cold and indifferent, apathetic and numb about everything (unless it burns calories, then im gung ho!) i can't remember having an original thought today that wasn't about calories, or my weight, or how to lose more, or how fat i am, or how i shouldnt have eaten that. i don't want to hang out with anyone, i don't want to talk to anyone, even my mom who doesnt notice anything thinks i'm upset with her because i've been so distant.
i feel like i'm not even my own person anymore, just the eating disorder in the shell of me. i feel like i've lost my personality. i can't remember the last time i was happy, or not thinking about ed stuff. i restrict lower and lower. i cried because i had half my lunch today and that was just too much. i feel so absolutely numb. my only goal in life right now is to lose weight.

is this depression? or my eating disorder being really bad?
what can i do to get out of this hell?

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I hate myself :(
/u/RaineeRose
Created: Fri Jun 22 21:06:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t73m7/i_hate_myself/
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I restricted and got to my UGW about three weeks ago, and I was so hungry that a day after I started binging, and now I can't stop. My weight is up again and I feel horrible about myself. I can't stand to look in the mirror. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to stop the binging cycle. I feel like an elephant and don't want to go outside. I worry that everyone who saw me at my lowest weight is looking at me now and thinking about how fat I got. :( I need to stop eating, but I'm having such a hard time. I hate this so much. It's a head game as much as anything else...

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I don't get how people lose weight and know when to stop
/u/NegativeLaugh
Created: Fri Jun 22 21:04:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t736w/i_dont_get_how_people_lose_weight_and_know_when/
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I deal with a restrictive eating disorder, and something that is really strange to me is how people can calorie count and lose weight without letting it get out of control. I know it sounds ridiculous, but when i think about losing weight i honestly don't understand how a person would be able to stop, or even recognize when they should. I guess i'm just wondering if anyone else knows what i mean, because i was trying to explain it to someone today and they thought i was crazy.

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Do you peeps here think I have an ED?
/u/Gloomy_Shroomy
Created: Fri Jun 22 20:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t6yko/do_you_peeps_here_think_i_have_an_ed/
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Ok so I know everybody is different but I've been wondering if I have an ED because my eating habits have changed since I left rehab for alcohol and drug addiction.

SO. this is me:

-I fast 16 hours a day, every day.
-My daily caloric intake is on average 550-900 calories a day max
-My goal is to eat as close to 500 a day while still being satisfied and full, I usually hit 700 on an average day
-I've lost like 30+ (not sure the exact number) pounds in roughly 1.5-2 months
-Weigh in daily, refuse to weigh myself until I poo and I won't consume any liquids until I get my weigh in first
-If I slip up on my calorie intake and hit 1000 or God forbid 1200 I feel like shit and disappointed that there's no way I'll lose weight the next day
-If I fuck up a fast (even by an hour or less) it fucks me up emotionally like calories do
-When I weigh in and the scale goes up cuz of water or PMS or whatever I feel emotional about that too even though I still look thinner because I'm losing fat and the rational side of me fully understands that weight fluctuates regardless of fat alone
-I am obsessed with body checks, I body check easily 10+ times a day but tbh it's probably a lotttt more than that
-I spend a lot of time and effort plus emotional toil in trying to control my food intake perfectly

So if anyone has any other questions please ask, I'm asking because I feel I might need to seek help, but idk, I don't plan on it until I'm back to my original weight when I was 18. (Put on like 50 lbs in the last few years)

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is it true that anorexia fucks with your metabolism?
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Fri Jun 22 20:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t6xa4/is_it_true_that_anorexia_fucks_with_your/
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i've been anorexic for 10+ years, the past few have been a bit weirder (cycles of restricting and then overeating but not purging) and i've always been told that EDs mess with your metabolism and slows it down.

recently i had my metabolism tested though and apparently i need +400 more cal than avg for my BMI, even before taking into account exercise. how can this be? is it possible that binging/fasting speeds up your metabolism? is it like in th early stages of recovery when you're burning 5000+ calories a day? i just don't get it.

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[Rant/Rave] i miss when thinspo was ok with emaciation
/u/bmalaur
Created: Fri Jun 22 19:48:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t6nka/i_miss_when_thinspo_was_ok_with_emaciation/
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i can't deal with not only feeling physically disgusting because i feel fat but also because i am not "toned" enough or my butt isn't big enough or i don't have visible enough abs... both goals are conflicting.

i'm finally emaciated looking but i now have a disgusting fucking lack of butt and now i'm too terrified to be naked in front of anyone for fear that i look deformed. all because of Instagram.

and i want to go to the gym again but i'm terrified of eating enough to gain muscle weight.

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[Discussion] Opinions on what qualifies a binge?
/u/hellfiire
Created: Fri Jun 22 19:47:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t6nic/opinions_on_what_qualifies_a_binge/
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I constantly find myself eating things and then later saying "that was a binge" but the food not totaling over 500 calories? Sometimes that only puts my daily intake at around 800 which is still 400 below the highest of restricting? Does this count as binging? Also I've had 350 today and burned 250 today. Is it worth it to waste 100 cal on DQ ice cream? Is that technically a binge? Help!

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Just wanted to see how much this thread triggers you guys.
/u/homeless-dipsht
Created: Fri Jun 22 19:34:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t6klp/just_wanted_to_see_how_much_this_thread_triggers/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/milliondollarextreme/comments/8t3lbm/if_ur_fat_just_eat_less?sort=top

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I guess I'm back
/u/EggsAndBaccon
Created: Fri Jun 22 19:03:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t6e43/i_guess_im_back/
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I have been in recovery for almost two years. I gained a lot (too much) and somehow i have found myself back to restricting. At first i wasnt sure if this was a relapse but now it's been a few weeks and I'm pretty sure it's not stopping soon. I'd like to say that i don't want to relapse but honestly i am hoping to get lower than before (84lbs). I'm not sure how to feel right now but if I'm being honest I'm kind of happy to be back.

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College girls: how do you do it?
/u/tryingwithanED
Created: Fri Jun 22 18:55:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t6c9t/college_girls_how_do_you_do_it/
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I'm in a sorority and lived in the house last year and will again this year. How do you hide it from everyone? Should I even bother? My roommate this year didn't notice because I attempted to recover (& gained 25 lbs) but I think the next one will since I've started weighing myself again.

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[Help] Oh Dear Bingey Lord
/u/sad_diner
Created: Fri Jun 22 18:46:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t6a8p/oh_dear_bingey_lord/
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So, today I snapped (have been low restricting) and binged on pizza, gummies and marshmallows. Luckily I had the foresight to drink two mugs of senna and hawthorn tea beforehand (guess where I'm posting from lol), but I'm losing my mind.

Tomorrow starts a three day water fast. My binge only totalled just over 1500cal though. It's bizarre there are people who eat more than this regularly. Does anyone else get weirded out when their punishable binges are less calorific than a normie's daily intake? Lol wtf is wrong with me?

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[Discussion] Are you a body or do you have a body?
/u/Skullqween
Created: Fri Jun 22 18:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t6a2t/are_you_a_body_or_do_you_have_a_body/
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This is a topic that I know comes up in philosophy, religion, and psychology. Rationally, I feel like I am a body- that I'm nothing more than the sum of my brain and organs and nerves, and that it's all interconnected.


But when restricting, I feel like thinking of myself as someone who has a body, but is somehow separate from it, helps. Like, my body is this thing I get to control, and I decide exactly what goes into it. I was just wondering if anyone else had thoughts on this?

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I'm gonna sue my grandma!!!
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Fri Jun 22 18:44:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t69wf/im_gonna_sue_my_grandma/
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She came to stay the weekend with us and brought A HUGE PLATE of one of my favorite desserts!!! It's gigantic, really. Must be at least 2lbs. And each serving is around 300 kcal!!!! This is one of the few days this week I've managed to stay under 1000 kcal, I don't wanna ruin this :"( plz help me stay strong and not pig out guys ;;;

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just saw a commercial for these -- i needta COP
/u/moon-lady
Created: Fri Jun 22 18:42:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t69iy/just_saw_a_commercial_for_these_i_needta_cop/
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https://www.henryshardsparkling.com/Home

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Have you been targeted since posting on here?
/u/deadly_nightshaade
Created: Fri Jun 22 18:32:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t675j/have_you_been_targeted_since_posting_on_here/
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So recently, a girl has been on case about posting here and screenshots every post on my account.

She doxxed me and trying to encourage people to call CPS on me. I get that people criticize the eating disorder thing, I can deal with that. However, I have sought professional help and I use this subreddit as a means of support.

I don't know how this makes me a horrible mother, I love both of my children. They don't suffer because of my struggle. I never want this to affect them negatively - but that's why I reach out. That's why over the last year I've gotten help through doctors, changed medication the full 9 yards. This past year has been fucking hard and on top of getting help I completed my first year AND PASSED my classes at the private college I'm attending. Even though I feel fucking shitty right now I'm at least a little proud of how far I've come in the last 15 months.

But I will have bad thoughts so I post here when I feel weak. I don't condone pro-ana behavior and do not post about my struggle anywhere else.

I love how supportive people have been here and hopefully this will stop. Thanks for being such a supportive group for SO MANY people. I love you guys.


**Has anyone else gone through anything similar?**

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[Help] I had a great day until I saw a photo of myself.
/u/cloudsofdawn
Created: Fri Jun 22 18:06:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t61a2/i_had_a_great_day_until_i_saw_a_photo_of_myself/
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I’m feeling really awful right now, I could use some support.

I went out with my friend who was away for 2 months, and I haven’t been going out much at all, haven’t in weeks. Today I finally got up, dressed, put sunscreen and makeup on. We walked around the beach and he showed me his new Polaroid camera and we caught up, and he got some snacks and I picked up supper and some other things I needed on the way home.

He took some photos for me, and when I looked at them at home I just feel disgusted in myself. Before going out I felt semi okay today. I even felt good when I was at the beach (I was fully clothed). After seeing the few photos I just feel awful. My torso and arms are massive with fat.

I edited them smaller like how I want them to be, but it’s 15-25lbs away. Currently around 134lbs.

I feel so disgusted, heartbroken and hopeless. I just want to cry.

I need to get my shit together and fast while I can before going on a new medication, where I’ll have to eat at least some food.

This weight needs to go ASAP, I can’t stand this anymore.

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[Rant/Rave] "Everyones noticed how healthy you look!"
/u/lunamoon1
Created: Fri Jun 22 17:08:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t5o4x/everyones_noticed_how_healthy_you_look/
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I'm on my third admission in IP and this time they've said I've got to be weight resorted(bmi of 20) to be discharged and because I've reached it I've been getting so many comments from family and friends who are saying "you look so healthy again!" and "you don't look like you're dying!".

I know they mean well but honest to god, i just want to drop this weight as soon as possible as **i want** to look like I'm dying and i **want** to be thin, not healthy.

I have felt or been this big for over a year and I know from the moment I get discharged I'm losing it all and more again.

Sorry for the rant/rave but i feel so fat and huge and i just want to break down from the amount of comments i'm getting :(

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[Rant/Rave] I threw up blood but didn’t stop
/u/alexxxxis
Created: Fri Jun 22 16:40:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t5h6g/i_threw_up_blood_but_didnt_stop/
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what the fuck is wrong with me??? I was purging and I accidentally scratched my throat. I just see blood all over my hand and in the toilet but I didn’t stop purging. why must I be so fucked up?

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Feelings toward food?
/u/li_hu_sh
Created: Fri Jun 22 16:37:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t5gmc/feelings_toward_food/
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I don't know how to say this but I love food but at the same time I hate it? Like I used to love eating sweets like ice cream and cake, but now whenever I actually get to eat ice cream, I actually hate myself for eating it.

For me, I feel that the anticipation and the promise is actually more exciting than eating it, because afterwards I feel guilty. I'm upset because I can't even enjoy the foods that I like because I'm terrified of what will happen to me after eating them. And the killer is that even though I eat clean (my dessert is frozen 0 fat yogurt popsicles... :(...) with zoodles salad and plain oatmeal and disgusting whole wheat bread, I'm still pretty big.

Does anyone else struggle with these feelings? What do you do about them?

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🎵Rollin with my homies 🎵aka Day 3 of my Fast
/u/stupidminnow
Created: Fri Jun 22 16:15:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t5b6v/rollin_with_my_homies_aka_day_3_of_my_fast/
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https://imgur.com/a/y7laIFq

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[Other] alcohol calories explained
/u/grape_fruits
Created: Fri Jun 22 16:10:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t59yg/alcohol_calories_explained/
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i'm planning to drink w friends tonight so obviously i started contemplating alcohol vs food calories and i found [this article](https://drinks.seriouseats.com/2013/10/cocktail-science-do-alcohol-calories-count-digesting-spirits.html). i figured since this topic has been discussed here before some of y'all might enjoy the read! tbh not planning to count bc 1. it's hard and 2. if i get properly lit i get a built-in fast the next day (just sleep/drink water, never get "hangover food" cravings) lmao

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Me_irl when justifying carbs
/u/FishInThePercolators
Created: Fri Jun 22 16:07:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t5988/me_irl_when_justifying_carbs/
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https://i.redd.it/rj13pq1jlm511.jpg

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[Discussion] DAE feel ashamed beeing seen buying unhealthy food for OTHER people?
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Fri Jun 22 15:41:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t52nw/dae_feel_ashamed_beeing_seen_buying_unhealthy/
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my partner loves junk and i usually pick him up candy, donuts, ice cream, etc. i know it's absurd and that the cashiers really don't care but i always have the urge to shout "it's not for me! i'm not eating this!" because i'm afraid they'll judge me.

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[Help] I can't stop. I want to, but I can't. How do I start eating again?
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Fri Jun 22 15:38:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t51ty/i_cant_stop_i_want_to_but_i_cant_how_do_i_start/
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I keep restricting. I keep exercising. I can't stop and I don't know why.

I *know* I need to eat more. I know how *much* I need to eat. I know *why* I need to eat more. I *want* to eat more. But I just... can't.

Someone please help me. I need to stop losing weight before it gets too noticeable. I'm only 17 and my mom will force me into treatment. I don't want that- I want to do it on my own. Please, any advice, anything that could possible help me.

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[Discussion] do you have any habits or quirks that aren’t “typical” of EDs?
/u/fairshine
Created: Fri Jun 22 15:28:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t4zem/do_you_have_any_habits_or_quirks_that_arent/
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i for one L I V E in crop tops, tank tops, shorts and skirts. i don’t really fuck w baggy clothes (but if u do that’s ok we aren’t here to shame 😤)

i just want to show off my body all the time, i’m constantly taking selfies and wearing ~revealing~ clothing which is pretty much the opposite of the big ol sweatshirts and leggings that people think ed sufferers live in

wby?? we’re all weirdos

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Any suggestions for filling safe foods below 100 calories?
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Fri Jun 22 15:10:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t4ut8/any_suggestions_for_filling_safe_foods_below_100/
---

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Someone help me with my jealousy problem.
/u/MarsBars4Lyfe
Created: Fri Jun 22 15:08:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t4u8i/someone_help_me_with_my_jealousy_problem/
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When I get jealous, I get *jealous*. Like.. it's so childlike and immature but I can't help it. I feel sort of *angry* at whoever it is (who dares to exist and be thin and pretty) and I feel like a terrible person.

But this goes beyond my ED. I've always been jealous.. of people who could play instruments, draw better than me, get better grades.. it's terrible. Ugh.

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[Other] Just saw this the other day and had a good, sad laugh. So true.
/u/bearantennae8611
Created: Fri Jun 22 15:02:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t4slh/just_saw_this_the_other_day_and_had_a_good_sad/
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https://i.redd.it/0hbzsvqz9m511.jpg

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Depression spiral for my birthday weekend! Woo!
/u/manateens
Created: Fri Jun 22 14:55:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t4qrw/depression_spiral_for_my_birthday_weekend_woo/
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I was scrolling through Instagram the other day and my 'friend' looked over, and saw a photo of my old coworker who has a similar aesthetic. She goes "oh she kinda looks like you!" I say, haha yeah a little, same haircut and all.

This girl responds with "yeah. Like you but more shapely."

And now I havent left my home in days! Instead of going out for my birthday which I took off work for I'm just hiding inside and weighing all my food again. Rip 'recovery'

The worst is this girl has a girlfriend with a severe eating disorder so I can only imagine the kind of thoughtless shit she says to her.

Idk if I should even bring it up or that would just make sure she knows I've been focusing on it for days

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[Help] Help...Bloated/Fat? Advice please!
/u/frozensun202
Created: Fri Jun 22 14:45:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t4o08/helpbloatedfat_advice_please/
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TMI but I binged for the past few days and haven’t pooped properly in two days, taken laxatives but they aren’t helping (I’ve abused laxatives in the past so not sure how effective they are on me) I’m worried I’ve just gained fat around my stomach. I’m up 2kg for the past two days. Can’t seem to get back down to my happy weight. Help! Any advice? Have I gained weight that fast from a few days of bingeing?! Any advice on how I can get down 2kgs again and get rid of my big stomach?! I was making such great progress losing weight until I binged and now I feel totally defeated!
-_-‘

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Eating my foood!!
/u/Roseemacculate02
Created: Fri Jun 22 14:01:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t4ceh/eating_my_foood/
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Came home to a partial eaten bar this morning. My mom loves to do this and I hate it, now I have no idea how many calories are left over and I probably won't eat it now. Just fucking finish the bar!!!! They're my favorite too:(

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OMAD- for the ones on the heavier side/ or for the ones struggling with binges.
/u/emerald_green92
Created: Fri Jun 22 13:53:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t4a4c/omad_for_the_ones_on_the_heavier_side_or_for_the/
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So I tried a different approach a few weeks ago and I can't believe that it's actually working, I am losing faster than before, that is an average of 1 kg/ week and now I finally reached the normal weight category ( again) ugh. After many years of struggling with restricting followed by binging periods, I accidentaly discovered this One meal a day thing, and I could not recommend it more. The thing is, when counting calories and restricting, I always had food on my mind, I always planed the next meal, portioned everything and ended up being hungry all the fucking time, which in turn led to binges and weeks of uncontrolled eating and purging, always preparing for the fast starting " tomorrow" .

Since I started to eat once a day and stopped ( well of course my brain is a calorie calculator so it's impossible to stop) but since I cut back on counting every calorie and let myself enjoy a full meal once a day , I feel so much more satisfyied after eating, so much less guilty , and it made a huge difference in how I approach foo. If I get the urge to binge, I say that I can have that food that I want tomorrow, when it's time for the meal. I find it really freeing to know that I can have a certain food if I want to, and that will be my only meal for the day, not to think that that food is completely forbiden which leeds me to want it even more. Also, when I think about how hard it was to not eat anything in the last 24 hours, I always decide that it's just not worth it to stuff my face with unhealthy carby and fatty stuff, so I'd rather have something nutritious and feeling, that will not ruin all my efforts.

So yeah, I made this post wanting to share something that might help others struggling with binging, but I feel like somehow the point got lost and now it's all just meh.

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[Help] New to fasting, need advice.
/u/sagittorius
Created: Fri Jun 22 13:17:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t40ce/new_to_fasting_need_advice/
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I’m new to fasting and want to fast all weekend.

What do you do when your brain/body says “fuck it, I need food?”

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[Tip] Soft ice
/u/saltinedust
Created: Fri Jun 22 13:12:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t3yxi/soft_ice/
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Learned this cool thing today which is awesome if you use ice cubes to curb cravings. When making ice cubes use seltzer water instead of normal water to get 'softer' or more chewable ice cubes.
I tried it out and it was great. I'm weirdly excited about this so I figured I'll share :)

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Ugh! What is wrong with me?
/u/agent_philcoulson
Created: Fri Jun 22 12:32:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t3nr5/ugh_what_is_wrong_with_me/
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Three days ago I promised myself that I would stick to 1,000 to 1,200 calories a day. I also swore off sweets. I pre-logged my food today and was good to go. Then a meeting happened at work and next thing I knew I was walking out with a 330 calorie cupcake. I had just eaten oatmeal too and was already full. Now I'm bloated, feel like shit, and am over my calories for the day. The small amount of enjoyment I got from eating that cupcake was not worth the aftermath.

Why can't I help myself around food? AGHHHHH.

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[Help] Eating disorder and roommates
/u/cas215
Created: Fri Jun 22 12:15:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t3j5j/eating_disorder_and_roommates/
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So I move into a new dorm in two days, I know that I need to preface in the “get to know me” portion of our move-in that my eating habits may be weird. I’m very worried of a situation similar to this six week program that happened last year. My roommates would constantly comment on what I ate, and criticize me. However they would also get really worried and freaked out when they would catch me purging or skipping meals. This year I feel like I need to let my roommates know a little bit about my situation without letting them know about my situation if that makes any sense. I already know how to justify any weight loss to people Who may ask but I don’t know how to justify measuring everything and not eating a bunch to my roommates. What do I tell them? How much should I tell them? If I tell them too much they’re just gonna spend the whole six weeks trying to get me to eat, but if I don’t tell them enough, they will criticize my diet even more. Does anybody have any advice for how to go about this next 6 week?
Much love❤️

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And then battle for another 10 minutes over it....
/u/starvy_punk
Created: Fri Jun 22 12:13:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t3iie/and_then_battle_for_another_10_minutes_over_it/
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https://imgur.com/5tFDKou

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[Discussion] Keto diet
/u/Koi-Nami
Created: Fri Jun 22 11:51:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t3can/keto_diet/
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Has anyone tried the keto diet with occasional days of juice-only or smoothie-only fasting? For those who were already a low ish weight (110-125 pounds), how well did it work? I'm 115 and I'm hoping to drop to 100.

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[Rant/Rave] low energy days as a workaholic/compulsive exerciser
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Fri Jun 22 11:50:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t3buz/low_energy_days_as_a_workaholiccompulsive/
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im deep in a restriction phase and ive been using stimulants and sleep meds to regulate my energy which usually works. but then there are days like today where i feel burnt out as fuck and i cant bring myself to do anything more than the bare minimum. it sucks because i stay busy and exercise to cope with not eating all day and to feel like i deserve to eat at the end of the day. but then the inevitable burn out happens sometimes and all i can bring myself to do is mindlessly browse the internet trying not to focus on the fact that im soo hungry and i still have to wait 8 hours before im "allowed" to eat. :/

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let's play a game called "does your cashier know you have an ED"
/u/verypetitbourgeois
Created: Fri Jun 22 11:48:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t3b86/lets_play_a_game_called_does_your_cashier_know/
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There's a new cashier at my local supermarket. She's rather young, very very skinny but I can't really picture the extent of her thiness because she's wearing huge winter sweaters even when all the other cashiers are wearing light polo's. *thinking emoji*


Anyways, yesterday, she saw me buy a maxi pack of frozen broccoli and a 6-pack of diet soda. Today she saw me buying a jar of peanutbutter and around 1kg of chocolate.

better than the time I went to the other side of town and bought 5 bothers of alcohol (of which only 2 were wine), cat food and a pack of shrimps I guess lol

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Just have to say: This is the BEST group - you are all so supportive and wonderful!
/u/DryBrilliant
Created: Fri Jun 22 11:41:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t398k/just_have_to_say_this_is_the_best_group_you_are/
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I am soooo grateful I found this group. It's the first place I've found where I can feel free to express how I really feel instead of putting on this fake act of "oh I feel fine about food and everything is just unicorns, rainbows, and dancing puppies." So thank you all.

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[Discussion] DAE have an “ED” TV show?
/u/unable_to_give_afuck
Created: Fri Jun 22 11:28:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t35le/dae_have_an_ed_tv_show/
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Mine would be Arrested Development and Archer, all because of Jessica Walters. I fucking love the “eat nothing drink everything” vibe she gives off. It’s totally unhealthy but ¯\_ (ツ) _/¯

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I've been C/S "binging" all day
/u/LateAsparagus
Created: Fri Jun 22 11:26:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t350o/ive_been_cs_binging_all_day/
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oof ouch owie my jaw

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[Discussion] DAE: love to take regular recipes and try to make them as low calorie as possible?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Fri Jun 22 10:18:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t2lrp/dae_love_to_take_regular_recipes_and_try_to_make/
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I love to find regular recipes that I want to eat and see how I can tweak them to be much lower calories

My most recent one is a version of sloppy joes

I take 1 cup of lean ground beef,2 tablespoons of sloppy joe sauce and a table spoon of FF sour clean put it on a low calories tortilla

So amazing

Does anyone else do this?

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can we talk about how FUCKING stupid this is?
/u/fatterfly
Created: Fri Jun 22 10:11:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t2k2q/can_we_talk_about_how_fucking_stupid_this_is/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5zSw1ExmwA

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[Discussion] I only feel comfortable eating around my bff and my bf
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Fri Jun 22 09:37:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t2ai2/i_only_feel_comfortable_eating_around_my_bff_and/
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They don’t pressure me to eat more and they don’t chew loud or anything annoying like that. They just let it be, let me eat what I want in a relaxing environment and are encouraging without being overbearing.

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[Discussion] DAE worry more about your pet's health than your own?
/u/DryBrilliant
Created: Fri Jun 22 09:34:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t29nz/dae_worry_more_about_your_pets_health_than_your/
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My cat has fleas, and I have invested sooooo much time researching flea options, debating about whether to take the cat to the vet, and then which vet, etc. And then there's the cat's food: I'm always reading about the latest research on what to feed my cat. I just realized I spend more time worrying about my cat's well-being than my own.

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gall bladder issues??
/u/amygolightly
Created: Fri Jun 22 08:58:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t1zjc/gall_bladder_issues/
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not sure if I’m experiencing gall bladder issues but yesterday my bf wanted to order pizza (& I had a mini panic attack since I’ve been doing so well but anyway) I ate a slice and got a horrible stomach ache which helped I guess bc then I didn’t eat any more


but I’m wondering if that’s normal after restricting and maybe the pizza was too fatty or if it could be a bigger issue with my gall bladder?

sorry if I sound paranoid!!!

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[Rant/Rave] Work rant/Keto rave
/u/coconutfi
Created: Fri Jun 22 08:57:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t1zfu/work_rantketo_rave/
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I'm back on the keto train. When I'm on keto I'm in love with it, but I never want to make the transition. It's been almost a year since I've actually stuck with it so FINALLY I'm back on board with high energy, no appetite and no cravings.

The problem with my aggressively passionate love for keto is that I love talking about it, which leads to my rant.

I heard someone mention keto at work and I got really excited. But little did I know, no one was actually on it, they had just heard about it. So when I said I was on keto everyone looked at me strangely and I seriously had to give a drawn out explanation to try and satisfy these peoples concerns. But nope, they were still dissatisfied and concerned. Great.

If you're skinny, you don't get to talk about diets. I have researched a lot about health and nutrition (a lot of it before I had an ED), and I actually am super interested in how food affects your energy levels, mood, cognitive functioning, etc.

But no, I'm not allowed to explore different diets because "you don't need to do any diet!!" even after I explain there a lot of other benefits/effects when doing different diets.

And my supervisor comments on my weight at least once a week and now he's concerned that I'm doing keto. The funny thing is that I'm really not that skinny. Like I don't (but hopefully will soon) fit into a size 0.

I've planned out what I'm going to say next time he comments on it. "Would you be telling an overweight person that they're too fat? I know saying someone's skinny is different, but everyone's a little self conscious about their body, so I'd like for you to stop commenting on it."

Dumb people.

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Recovery book recommendations?
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Fri Jun 22 08:54:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t1yd8/recovery_book_recommendations/
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Looking for a very critical, concise, and down to earth book for anorexia recovery.

Everyone's given up on me - all the professionals, so on those days where I think "hey I could make progress towards, y'know, NOT dying" it might be an idea to have some guidance on what to do.
I remain unconvinced that anything will work, but it's worth a try.

Thanks!

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PSA: This app "Calm Harm" rocks at helping you manage harmful impulses (whether its binging, purging, self harm, etc)
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Fri Jun 22 08:52:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t1xtu/psa_this_app_calm_harm_rocks_at_helping_you/
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I recently got this app and tbh, i thought at first it wouldnt help that much. But its actually been really useful. Its designed around helping you reesist the urge to self harm, but i use the exercises to resist the urge to binge (and im sure you could use it to resist or manage any other emotional-based impulses you may have and want to stop). The basic overview:

>Calm Harm provides tasks to help you resist or manage the urge to self-harm.

>The app then provides you with four categories of tasks to help you surf the urge. ‘Distract' helps in learning self-control; ‘Comfort' helps you care rather than harm; 'Express yourself' gets those feelings out in a different way and ‘Release' provides safe alternatives to self-injury.

>There is also a ‘Breathe' category to help calm and get back in control.

>You can do the activities for either blocks of five minutes or fifteen minutes with a countdown for each minute.

You basically get to choose a couple activities from whichever category to do until the timer runs out. By the end of them, you should feel a bit more centered and in control.

You can download it on [Android](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=uk.org.stem4.calmharm&hl=en_US) or [iOS.](https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/calm-harm-manages-self-harm/id961611581?mt=8) (and its password protected, so its private!)

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[Discussion] DAE do this: when i see overweight people in public, i wonder if they’re jealous of me.
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Fri Jun 22 08:34:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t1sph/dae_do_this_when_i_see_overweight_people_in/
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which is even worse because i still grab chunks of fat off my stomach and randomly jiggle my thighs when i think about eating.

but i’ll see someone in public who’s overweight, maybe not even overweight, and i’ll wonder if they think i’m skinny or if they’re jealous.

it makes me feel like shit because who am i to judge someone’s body? i’m a fucking whale who has no self control. maybe they’re happy with their body! maybe they know they’re unhealthy and love themselves anyway (as opposed to me, who is unhealthy and hates herself)!

fuck you, ED

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Just got my tongue pierced and..
/u/JaimeRustic
Created: Fri Jun 22 08:10:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t1mai/just_got_my_tongue_pierced_and/
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it’s nearly impossible to eat! I’ve been in binge-mode for just over a month now and just on a whim I decided to get my tongue pierced and omg why didn’t I do this sooner?!

You can’t eat dairy/wheat in case of infection, and it’s so swollen you can’t eat solid foods, it has forced me to stop binging and eat less.

Plus it looks super cute, i’m so happy😇

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Chest pain, stomach pain...
/u/wes117
Created: Fri Jun 22 07:36:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t1dv5/chest_pain_stomach_pain/
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i've been eating around ~400-600 calories a day for a while now, and it seems that i get a lot of chest pain (though i think its from acid reflux because that gets worse with restricting too), and when i do eat i get stomach aches right after, like rumbling and discomfort, feeling super full and sick even after a very small meal. i know you all aren't doctors, but what do you think this is and is there anything i can do about it?

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Morning sickness
/u/expectingana
Created: Fri Jun 22 07:23:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t1arj/morning_sickness/
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low key loving this morning sickness becaude I've lost 6 pounds without having to do anything! I haven't eaten in 4 days and im honestly thriving.

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[Goal] What are your future goals not related to your ED?
/u/smolpriincess
Created: Fri Jun 22 07:16:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t195a/what_are_your_future_goals_not_related_to_your_ed/
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mine are personally, succeed in my job and save up enough money to buy a house with my boyfriend and get married and start my little family. OH and a dog is v important too :) these are the things I think about to get me through the day

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DAE make their food super spicy as incentive not to purge
/u/Arakance
Created: Fri Jun 22 07:12:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t1858/dae_make_their_food_super_spicy_as_incentive_not/
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And then purge it anyways and wow that shit *burns* even more than usual

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[Discussion] Has anyone else become more critical of other people losing weight?
/u/PM-ME-ROAST-BEEF
Created: Fri Jun 22 07:01:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t15il/has_anyone_else_become_more_critical_of_other/
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I noticed over the past year or so, I’ve increasingly caught myself rolling my eyes at weight loss posts. I’ll see people saying “I lost 10lbs over the course of 3 months” and instead of thinking “good for them”, I immediately think “pfft, that’s nothing. They could have lost 10lbs in 3 weeks if they just stopped eating”

Obviously I would *never* say that to someone, and I don’t advocate having an ED or think it’s a good way to lose weight, but I still catch myself thinking “wow they tried so hard when all they had to do was starve” and I have to remind myself that it’s not healthy and normal people don’t do that

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Made myself eat
/u/smolpriincess
Created: Fri Jun 22 06:53:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t13ip/made_myself_eat/
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this morning I made myself eat breakfast because I've been eating barely 200 calories a day. I felt like I was about to die and I actually feel so shitty for eating but like I also don't want to die? lol idk my brain is fucked I probably won't eat again for a couple days.

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[Other] I am grateful for my boyfriend and his family...
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine
Created: Fri Jun 22 06:49:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t12k8/i_am_grateful_for_my_boyfriend_and_his_family/
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I just wanted to express how grateful I am for them.

When I was living at home, my family didn’t understand how hard it was for me to eat normally. They’d ask things like “why can’t you just eat this burger,” or “a slice of cake won’t hurt.”

When you have an ED, a nibble of anything “unsafe” hurts.

I moved in with my boyfriend and his family recently and was absolutely shocked of how supportive they are.

They know I have an ED, but rather than preaching at me, they go out of their way to include my sugar free and fat free safe foods in their weekly grocery shopping trips.

They started making vegetables with every meal .

They’ve even started eating healthier all around since I moved in because they wanted me to feel comfortable.

And I honestly feel so grateful.

I do plan on recovering eventually, and this attitude of “she’ll recover when she’s ready” is really making the process so much easier.

I just wanted to get that off my chest.

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I just finished a 5 day (120 hour) fast!
/u/lightfeathers
Created: Fri Jun 22 06:27:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t0xue/i_just_finished_a_5_day_120_hour_fast/
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Guys, I did it! Despite getting my period on the 2nd day, I kept it up! I was planning on only doing 72 hours but I decided to go further as I felt good. On the start of the 5th day I started feeling shitty and my body started hurting so I've decided to break my fast on the 120 hour mark. I'm a bit sad but I rather not feel pain and it won't be good for my body in the long run, anyway. I was hoping to last for 7 days though, but 5 days is still pretty impressive and it's the longest fast I've done!

I hope I don't encourage anyone to do any harmful behaviors, I was just really happy I finally got my cravings under control as I've kept the weight I gained many many months ago. I can now start restricting again without my cravings holding me back!

For anyone curious, I lost a total of 10 pounds. This is DEFINITELY mostly water weight as I had a shitty diet beforehand and barely drank any water. I also take ritalin which definitely helped at the start of my fast.

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Goal!
/u/alliwantisskinny
Created: Fri Jun 22 06:19:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t0w3p/goal/
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I finally reached 111 this morning! I haven't seen this on the scale in years!

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How quickly can your period come back?
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Fri Jun 22 06:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t0vaj/how_quickly_can_your_period_come_back/
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Hypothetically if you are like a normal human being for about 2 weeks and around what would normally be your time of the month pre-ED you started experiencing symptoms like back aches and stomach cramps how likely do you think it is that these could be PMS symptoms coming back? Is it possible for it to happen that quickly? Trying to figure out why I feel this way, like if I'm sick or something, but I don't have uterus so I can't just wait to see if I start bleeding unfortunately.

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[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! June 22, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 22 06:12:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t0ulj/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_june/
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This is the weekly picture thread for June 22, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 22, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 22 06:12:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t0uk9/daily_food_diary_june_22_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for June 22, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Rant/Rave] I feel like I’m just constantly cycling between EDs
/u/Snowbae
Created: Fri Jun 22 04:27:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8t09xe/i_feel_like_im_just_constantly_cycling_between_eds/
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When I’m not in a bulimia phase, I just generally binge eat and have more BED tendencies without purging. I’ve now cycled back onto a more orthorexia type problem where I’m going to the gym every day and obsessively exercising and living off of salads and soup. Either way (this being more ‘healthy’ than binging/bulimia obvs) I feel like I just can’t stop obsessing over food. It’s literally all I think about, and working in a restaurant does not help. I know my problems are minor compared to a lot of people on this sub but I just wish I could have ONE DAY where I could eat and be normal without obsessing. I’m going out for dinner with my fam tonight and I’m stressing about how I’m going to fit gym into my day and what food to get :(

Basically what’s annoying me is that I think I solve one issue and then BAM 💥 OH LOOK NO YOU STILL CANT EAT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING

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[Discussion] DAE feel guilty about wasting food
/u/mylifeisajoke812
Created: Fri Jun 22 03:02:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8szv8w/dae_feel_guilty_about_wasting_food/
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like on one hand your ed is telling you to throw this food out or skip this meal or push this food in the trash but on the other hand you’ve been raised to clean your plate and feel guilty about less fortunate and you’re FRUGAL AND CHEAP SO IF THE FOODS THERE YOU JUST FEEL MORALLY OBLIGATED TO EAT THAT SHIT

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Hahahahahaha I'm back :(
/u/InTheGecko
Created: Fri Jun 22 01:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8szfs4/hahahahahaha_im_back/
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The last time I logged into this account was two years ago. I had a suicide attempt, broke up with my boyfriend and came out as a lesbian, genuinely recovered for once, and gained until I was 70kgs 🙃

Why does Ana always come back? She's the only person in my life I can depend on to always be there if I need her, I swear. How do I tell my parents, who were so proud of me for getting better, that it's all back and it's all bad, again?

Oh well. I just chewed so much gum that I shit myself. Guess this is just my life.

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[Tip] binge-stopping tip
/u/blackcoffeegreentea
Created: Fri Jun 22 00:56:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sza8x/bingestopping_tip/
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i’ve had this tip work 4 times in the last 2 weeks, so thought i’d pass it along in case it’s helpful to some others!!

this was an idea my counselor gave me when we realized that my shame spiral starts before i even take one bite. for me, the mere thought of desiring fatty/junky/sugary binge foods already makes me feel like garbage before i even start binging, so it’s a quick emotional journey to rock bottom and by the time i’ve started eating it’s f$&*ing impossible to get out of that horrible emotional state.

she told me to, without judgment, try to take 2 minutes to write what i’m feeling anytime i feel a binge coming on, then notice patterns that lead to binges. (literally: “feeling mad, feeling frustrated, feeling hopeless, etc)
the point was to work on understanding the emotions that lead up to a binge and finding healthier ways to express those emotions, but the result has been to wake me up & cut off my shame spiral before i actually start eating. it’s been a damn miracle!!!

anyway don’t know if this might be useful for anyone else who struggles with BED/shame but thought i’d post it!

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Planning rant?
/u/MeowMixIsSatan
Created: Fri Jun 22 00:52:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sz9mc/planning_rant/
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i’ve been kinda horrible with restricting lately and it’s making me feel like i’m disgusting in every way. i’m going to lightly restrict till next week, binge out on saturday and then completely start over. i’m trying to make a list of food and drinks to eat and so far it’s just diet coke, various teas, almond milk, and veggies. i suck when it comes to food to snack on, so if anyone has suggestions please let me know!! okay rant over ~

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[Tip] Thank you overnight oats!!
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Fri Jun 22 00:34:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sz6j9/thank_you_overnight_oats/
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Holy crap! So I tried overnight oats for the first time ever today, and made them yesterday with cashew milk (19) + quarter a scoop of protein powder (40) totalling about a cup of food in total 230. Sounds like a lot to some of you, reasonable to others presumably. I digress.

I couldn’t finish it for lunch! Even though I’d planned to! It tasted fine, kind of looked weird (I use vegan protein powder on everything so I’m used to how green food looks these days). Like, I couldn’t finish it because it made me feel full! I stretched it over both lunch and dinner and felt like I was in a good coma at 600 calories today (I had some berries, almonds, and kale chips too).

Granted I still went up to 1000 because typically I end my days in 1000-1200, just out of habit, but I’ve literally never struggled with eating this much in a day. I got to 1000 from 600 through a couple energy bars (like CLIF bars) which I feel guilty for, but also I’m just happy that those bars felt forced... like my stomach was too full for them! Normally no matter where I end I resign myself to going to bed feeling hungry, but honestly? Right now I feel mayybe mild cravings.

Maybe this is complete BS but part of me feels like the oats magically expanded in my stomach... even though they should have expanded in the cup that I had them in... regardless I’m definitely gonna try overnight oats again.

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It's offical: my elbows pucker.
/u/mizpixy
Created: Fri Jun 22 00:30:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sz5vf/its_offical_my_elbows_pucker/
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The lower arms go up straight, (at least I have tiny wrists), until the elbow, then they pucker up and wrinkle at the elbow and bulge out at my upper arm. The corners drape down like muffin tops.

I have Grandma Arms. I was ten pounds down last week and I think I just gained it all back.

Why can't I ever stop thinking about food?

((insert obligatory "sort-of-drunk" admission))

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[Rant/Rave] ya girl is a huge mess rant 🙃💞💞🥀
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Fri Jun 22 00:18:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sz3lj/ya_girl_is_a_huge_mess_rant/
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i have been feeling horrible lately. i start work the 27th and i keep telling myself to get my act together & lose some weight so i don’t feel AS judged?? that makes no sense because i know i will feel that way either way but i think 5 pounds will somehow make a difference with MY body. ugh.
my depression has resulted in binging. i used to eat some chips and ice cream and claimed it as a binge but now my binges are on a whole new level. ive gained so much weight. :(
my mother hasn’t helped much. i love my mom so so so much and she means the world to me but sometimes i feel like absolute shit because of her. and i feel SO so so guilty mentioning any negative feelings i get from what she does/says. my younger sister is nearly 4 and she’s from my stepdad. my mom is pregnant again and i ended up peeping at a text convo (i know it was wrong) but the way my mom and step dad talk bothers me. they talk as if me and my sister (from my dad.) don’t even exist. growing up, i never got toys or nice clothes or anything. and I’m close to my younger sister so it’s so difficult feeling like I’m worth nothing to my parents because of her but also loving her. my mom always talks about how beautiful she is (i know it’s not the kid’s fault, she’s 3 for crying out loud.” but my mom always says shit about what I’m eating and my weight and it is so so triggering. it makes me want to restrict and restrict until she finally thinks of me as something more than she sees now. for some reason i feel like my ED could “validate” me in some way. as if I’m worth nothing more than my ED. i feel horrible saying anything because i feel like I’m trashing my mom and maybe I’m making things out to be worse than they are but I’m honestly stuck. I want to binge and binge and vomit. I also want to restrict and restrict until I am evaporated into thin air. hahahaha mental stability? never heard of it :)))))))

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Face thin, body not
/u/Firerose157
Created: Fri Jun 22 00:01:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sz0iz/face_thin_body_not/
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Mobile, help flair

So ive heard comments about my face being thinner and can feel a difference but i couldnt actually see it till i was taking pics today. My face looked fat before, now i think i just look like shit.

How to gain weight in your face without the scale going up?

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[Help] How can I fix this?
/u/flowerette_
Created: Thu Jun 21 23:41:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sywr9/how_can_i_fix_this/
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I thought everything would be perfect by now. But I mourn a younger version of me, who was smaller, and had more self restraint, and dreamed of the day she’d get here. I miss romanticizing a future shrouded in mystery.
I’m married now to a perfect man and not an ounce of me deserves him. I feel like such a fraud and moreover, such a failure. I’ve been trying to get down to my high school weight for over a year now, but I keep gaining and losing the same 15 pounds. I don’t understand myself.
Every day I suffer and deny myself and do so well. But at the end of the day I ruin it all. Why spend my whole day in misery to ruin it at the very end? I’ve even started exercising, hoping it would at least counteract my binges a bit, but the scale still doesn’t budge.

The worst thing is that I know it’s my own fault. I browse r/fatlogic and FPH so that the cruelty will motivate me, and it always stands out to me how they call people out for their lack of self control.

“Fucking sick how they’d rather be obese and have their body go to shit than to put down the fries.”

Like yeah, I know that’s my problem. HOW DO I FIX IT? How can I put down the fries? I’m trying so hard. I’m so tired. I’m tired of 8 years of the same.

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Cousins are getting weight loss surgery
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Thu Jun 21 23:39:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sywic/cousins_are_getting_weight_loss_surgery/
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I can't stop my jealousy in check. Like they need this surgery. They're short people and their body just can't support their weight. Healing from the surgery will be a painful struggle...yet...I can't help wanting

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Binged Cheesecake Factory the DAY I finally break a plateau
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Thu Jun 21 23:02:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8syp7e/binged_cheesecake_factory_the_day_i_finally_break/
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It was my mom's birthday today. I knew we were going to eat out. I fucking knew it.

I woke up this morning after high-restricting all week and weighed myself. I finally broke this god forsaken plateau- the *day* I knew I was going to eat my weight in cheesecake factory.

I ordered the herb-crusted salmon on mashed potatoes. Ate nearly every single bite. I don't even want to look at the caloric information right now. I am now 2 pounds heavier than when I was 3 hours ago. Back in this fucking plateau again. I also took home tiramisu but I'm probably going to give it to my roommate, I cant even eat it. Or I may nibble on it for the next week until it goes bad.

Here's to hoping I lose the water and food weight in the next few days, I really do feel like dying lol.

On the plus side, the waitress was really good about repeating "Coke Zero" back to me when she was refilling drinks, so I know I wasn't sabotaged with real Coke. At least that's a silver lining?

---

Not sure what to do!
/u/ConstantIt
Created: Thu Jun 21 22:43:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sylec/not_sure_what_to_do/
---
So I'm a nursing student and I have to do a mental health placement. I have a two options, a hospital or a health clinic and I know people there because I see my therapist and I have been admitted in the mental health unit 😭

I can't go other facilities since I don't have a car and I use public transport and these two options are the closest to me.

I'm just ashamed. I know my therapist and Dr will see me if I do get the clinic and I know the nurses will recognise me if I happen to get the hospital. Ugh.. I'm ashamed of myself. I hate this.

---

[Help] What should I tell my boyfriend that wants to help?
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Thu Jun 21 22:27:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8syi88/what_should_i_tell_my_boyfriend_that_wants_to_help/
---
So my boyfriend tries and tries to figure out ways to help me, but doesn’t know how and I don’t know what would help me either. I want to be able to help myself so that he doesn’t get upset or frustrated or sad, but at the same time I’m struggling. I want to want to get better, if that makes sense, but I don’t know if I’m quite ready.

I know I have to want to get better for us to be able to help me. Anyways. I was wondering if there were ways I could help myself and/or could ask of my boyfriend that would help me.

---

Have you ever walked through a grocery store...
/u/SterileTechnique
Created: Thu Jun 21 22:12:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8syf04/have_you_ever_walked_through_a_grocery_store/
---
...and saw like a package of cookies or something and thought "that looks interesting" but then realized you bought those same cookies a few weeks ago for a binge...and then realize you have no idea what those cookies tasted like...happened to me in Trader Joe's today...

---

Non-perishable food items under 500 cals that will sustain me for a week
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Thu Jun 21 22:10:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8syen2/nonperishable_food_items_under_500_cals_that_will/
---
Know of any low-cal foods that are...?
-portable
-non-perishable
-preferably don’t require cooking/heating
-can take on an airplane
-things I can live off of for one whole week


What I’ve got so far
-quest bars and cliff bars
-protein shakes
-canned tuna
-miso soup packets
-dried fruit
-bread

Maybe since I’ll be on vacation I’ve just gotta let it go but I’m scared of that so I want to be prepared

---

simple, dumb thoughts. food didn't make me feel better.
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Thu Jun 21 21:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sy7ww/simple_dumb_thoughts_food_didnt_make_me_feel/
---
I ate 1220 cals today and let myself so I could have some food and be happy. but the food didn't make me happy and was hardly worth it. plus now I feel like my SO (Who I recently told about my relapse) won't take it seriously cause I ate so much in front of him.

so instead. tomorrow I should so a full EC stack. shake and vibrate my way through the day. until night when I can go out with friends and binge drink. cause been if that strategy doesnt make me happy, at least I'll be more likely to wake up skinnier from it. and maybe someone will actually be worried about my ed for once, instead of acting like it doesn't fucking exist.

/rant

---

Promised myself I was done w b/p on tuesday
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Thu Jun 21 21:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sy7g0/promised_myself_i_was_done_w_bp_on_tuesday/
---
Only to binge and purge again tonight. Tuesday was so unsatisfying. I didnt enjoy the binge and I felt weird and achy afterwards. I'm like okay I am so done with this. But then what do I do? After eating a healthy dinner I ate a whole pint of ice cream with the intention of purging it. I felt like I lost all control. I used to only do this when I was drunk and now I feel like I'm drunk when I do it.

---

[Rant/Rave] I’m so fat and worthless...
/u/ahrahtnamas
Created: Thu Jun 21 21:35:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sy6zp/im_so_fat_and_worthless/
---
Ugh, it’s 11:30pm. I should be sleeping but no. I’m tired but my brain never shuts up and lets me sleep. Currently wanting to binge so bad on Taco Bell. But my fat self definitely doesn’t need it.

---

[Discussion] At what point is something an ed?
/u/astro-punk
Created: Thu Jun 21 21:29:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sy5jm/at_what_point_is_something_an_ed/
---
At what point did you realize or officially classify yourself as having an ed?

---

Guess who just ate an entire King Size Kit-Kat bar!
/u/GemRocking
Created: Thu Jun 21 21:19:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sy3bp/guess_who_just_ate_an_entire_king_size_kitkat_bar/
---
**Fuck. me.**

Last night I won a game and took that Kit-Kat bad boy home. My pathetic, piggish ass knew that I was going to sneak that thing into my room and devour it, all on my own, all in one sitting. I hid it in my sweatshirt pocket (I always wear a sweatshirt, even in the summer, because I’m too repulsive to be seen) and no one saw it. I set it on my bookshelf; it was partially melted from the car ride in my greasy, warm hands.

Here we are 24 hours later and I just ate the whole fucking thing. I resisted it for less than a day. That was about 600-700 kcal, and after a “normal” day of eating, which for me included a big bowl of ice cream ~~that I shouldn’t have eaten and regretted even as I ate it but I couldn’t stop~~

It wasn’t even that good, but I couldn’t control myself. My mouth is all sickly sweet from it now. It was kind of tacky in the summer heat, and melted all sticky over my fingers. And I dropped a bit on my bed but didn’t realize until I was done forging myself, and it melted into the comforter beneath my fat ass and left an oily shit-colored stain that I’ll have to either lie about or hide, because I’m sure as fuck not admitting to anyone that I’m chowing down on entire candy bars behind closed doors.

No wonder I’m gaining weight. No wonder I’m hideous and undesirable. No wonder everyone fucking hates me and is repulsed by me. I’m a fat, pathetic fucking disgusting loser and I lose my control over a slab of cheap factory-produced confection. I will never be desired, I will never achieve my aspirations, and I will never, ever be slim or attractive, or even average.

---

Last binge meal before I start my fasting tomorrow, getting pretty desperate here
/u/mojojojoez_scraps
Created: Thu Jun 21 21:17:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sy32c/last_binge_meal_before_i_start_my_fasting/
---
https://i.redd.it/v32ocdg10h511.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] Idk what I’m even doing
/u/MrDrPresBenCarson
Created: Thu Jun 21 21:03:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sxzx0/idk_what_im_even_doing/
---
I’ve been a part of this subreddit in the past and I know how sweet and darling you all are. Anyway I’m feeling like a bazillion emotions right now and I needed a place to vent. I’ve been recovered for maybe two years and I’m relapsing hard right now. So what happens is I take my meds (for anxiety) at night at 10 so I restrict from when I wake up and my only time I eat all day is when I take my medicine. And it’s usually just a serving of something. Yesterday was about 110 calories of pretzels and today was bigger, a frozen dinner thing. What I’m getting at is I feel since I’m at least eating something, it still feels like too much. I feel guilty. Like I don’t deserve my one meal and I don’t deserve to be a part of this sub or get treatment for my disorder bc I still feel like I’m eating too much. I still feel fat on my stomach and on my legs and on my face and I just want it to go away. It’s not leaving fast enough and idk what else to do to get rid of it.

Thank you for reading my jumbled mess of words. You’re awesome

---

[Rant/Rave] the eccentrics of an ed is very eccentric
/u/llatae
Created: Thu Jun 21 20:55:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sxy0u/the_eccentrics_of_an_ed_is_very_eccentric/
---
ive been fixated on a girl im envious of for her entire life, to be quite honest. i was occupied, then i just sat down and started crying bc of how she has a better body and life and a caring brother while i have NONE of that and i lost my appetite and felt grossly full which is what happens when im sad but i wish that happened before i ate so i wouldnt want to eat, and now im think of how shes pretty and has a nice brother who cares about her and an actual boyfriend who wants to be with her and how i wish i didnt eat that much while doing 400 leg circles.

if this isnt pathetic, idk what is!

---

I binged
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Thu Jun 21 20:55:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sxxxb/i_binged/
---
I ate 1365 calories and I tried to purge but barely anything came up... my stomach hurts alot but yet all i want to do is keep eating. Whyyy???

---

Is having an ED even worthwhile when you have an ugly face?
/u/Nirette
Created: Thu Jun 21 20:54:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sxxrm/is_having_an_ed_even_worthwhile_when_you_have_an/
---
I'm super fucking ugly (if you're curious, I have posted pictures of myself on reddit, just check my profile). Is it even worth it to strive for a good body when my face is always gonna be so bad? I just feel like giving up here, guys.

---

[Discussion] Are there any guys in this sub? What's your story? (If you're comfortable sharing!)
/u/JeffBezosBunghole
Created: Thu Jun 21 20:29:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sxrsg/are_there_any_guys_in_this_sub_whats_your_story/
---
When I read this sub I imagine everyone else being a female. As a guy with an ED I don't really see or hear about other males going through this. I imagine the line of thought is basically the same but it would be cool to hear any stories if your willing to share. I am 19, had bulimia at 16-17 and stopped binging due to health complications. I now have a lot of issues with binging/restriction and fasting.

---

Totally judged for my Bronkaid purchase, I think they knew......super awkward!
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Thu Jun 21 20:23:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sxqgo/totally_judged_for_my_bronkaid_purchase_i_think/
---
I went to buy Bronkaid last night at CVS and they were out. The woman was totally fine and apologized. I don't get it from the pharmacy I get my psychiatric meds from since I feel weird since I know them for years and the one time I did they wanted to check it wouldn't interfere with all my meds. It was a strange thing.

I never really feel scared to get it anymore and just ask for a package. Sometimes go on about my asthma being so bad in the spring and ask for suggestions. when I am feeling wacky.....I know, I know. I do have asthma but haven't used my inhaler in a while.

Sooooo I went to target today to get it and the pham. seriously judged me. He was really hesitant to give it to me as he gave me a kinda suspicious glare and was like I can only give you this with a valid license. Thank goodness it was a 60 tablet box so I am good for a little and will never go there again and all. I am not making Meth dude.....I just have an ED lolololol. I have a feeling he KNEW what I was using it for.

---

[Rant/Rave] Binge eating when alone
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Thu Jun 21 19:15:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sxaox/binge_eating_when_alone/
---
I restrict al day all week all month. Was at my lowest when I got up to my dads 123lbs. Now I’m up here for two weeks and I can’t stop eating.

Maybe because I can’t purge here I am thinking fuck it just let myself go. There isn’t even any NICE food here no chocolate no cake no ice cream. Just been eating bread and cheese and dried fruits and nuts. Have been to scared to go on the scales.

I don’t understand why I can restrict so well at home but here it’s an excuse to eat and eat and eat. Normally follow Omad.

I hate myself.

---

[Rant/Rave] I really need to get this off my chest
/u/shiveryourselfskinny
Created: Thu Jun 21 19:02:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sx8c6/i_really_need_to_get_this_off_my_chest/
---
Okay so this is going to be a long post and I apologize in advance.

I was doing so well, I was continuing to lose weight while trying to move away from my mom dangerous and toxic ED habits (purging, binding, constantly working out) and then I did something really stupid. I went on the Kik ANA/MIA groups. Some groups are really great and supportive and I love them, and I was doing good and trying not to get triggered on these groups. Then a coach scouted me, stupidly I said yes and the asked for a body check. Now I know meanspo, in fact I often seek it out, but this girl went further than my body. She started saying things about how nobody will ever find me attractive because I’m so fucking fat and how I don’t actually have an ED. She went through and tormented me and I took it. Here’s where things might get a little TMI, but my boyfriend wants me to be a lot more confident in regards to sex, and wants me to be dominant. Now, I have my own issues being confident in bed, I was sexually assaulted and I have some really large self esteem issues. After what this coach said to me, I don’t think I can even get naked on my own, much less in front of him and I definitely won’t be able to be confident. Plus I’ve been at my sisters house this past week and she encourages me to binge and it’s been so hard to stay on track, but now all I want to do is cry and eat. I’m so mad at myself and I just don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m letting everyone down.....

TLDR: I got triggered by a Kik ED coach and I’m pathetic.

---

I wanna fuck a guy...
/u/fatterfly
Created: Thu Jun 21 18:54:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sx6dc/i_wanna_fuck_a_guy/
---
...who's like reeeally turned on by my protruding bones. Like someone who keeps touching my ribs and hipbones and wrists and keeps telling me how tiny and frail I am under his weight. I don't know if such men even exist but if they do they'll have to wait until I'm actually bony enough lol.



Am I fucking weird or can anyone relate to this?

---

[Discussion] saw the incredibles 2 last night...
/u/lucaaa7
Created: Thu Jun 21 18:26:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swzix/saw_the_incredibles_2_last_night/
---
first of all, it’s so fucking good you should all go see it!!

but uhhhh...... violet is such thinspo? who knew i could be jealous of a cartoon character?? i wish it were possible for me to have her body 😰

oh well!! i guess i’m going to go back to hardcore restricting again to at least get somewhat close

do any of you have characters you wish you could look like?? and do you feel as silly as i do for it lmao

---

[Rant/Rave] Dinner tonight is going to more than ive eaten all week.
/u/cas215
Created: Thu Jun 21 18:25:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swz35/dinner_tonight_is_going_to_more_than_ive_eaten/
---
Mom wants two appetizers and thats before meal. Were at a wing place.... im not freaking out, youre freaking out. Im sitting here waiting for food and im trying really hard not to cry. Id done so well this week.... aghhhh. I just got nail extensions and cant purge later..... so much worse.

---

Am I fucked up?
/u/johanna-means-family
Created: Thu Jun 21 18:06:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swv1a/am_i_fucked_up/
---
Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault (?)

I’m a long-time lurker and honestly don’t know if I’ll ever post here again, but I need to get this off my chest. Even as I type this out, I’m not completely sure why I’m posting this - it’s been years since the event... I guess I’m just hoping someone here might be able to help me make sense of my conflicting feelings?

When I was 15 years old, I was groped. I don’t know what he looked like (he was dressed as a mascot and handing out flyers) and the whole altercation lasted less than a minute but I still can’t forget it. I was out in public when it happened but I immediately just went home and locked myself in the bathroom and cried.

This next part sounds pretty fucked up even in my head and I want to preface it by saying I definitely never wanted or want to be molested but I genuinely cannot fathom the idea that someone wanted to touch me. I hate myself and my body so much that I can’t comprehend the fact that another human being would want touch me. It’s been 3 years and I still don’t understand.

I don’t want to ask whether anyone can relate because I hope no one ever feels the way that I do but... is there no hope for me? I’ve never been physically intimate with another person (not even a kiss) and I’ve always despised physical contact, but I feel like it’s gotten worse after what happened.

Some nights, I just feel so broken.

---

Trisha Paytas snappin me outta my binge phase REAL fast today....
/u/UnrecoverableFuss
Created: Thu Jun 21 18:04:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swuow/trisha_paytas_snappin_me_outta_my_binge_phase/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzp1IO-ggAU

---

[Rant/Rave] FML
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Thu Jun 21 17:52:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swrpr/fml/
---
I started coming down with something last night and I know it’s because I’ve been so stressed out and restricting so heavily so I knew I needed to up my calories today a little to give my body a chance to pull it together. I also called my doctor and they prescribed an antibiotic and a steroid (I have a sinus infection). Does anyone know if steroids automatically make you gain weight or do they just tend to make you eat more?

Since I decided to up my calories today I had an egg and two egg white for breakfast, a Quest bar for lunch and celery and PB for a snack. It would have been fine if we didn’t have to do a bunch of running around this evening and I could have eaten at home but we went out. Instead of getting a salad like I should have, I got a vegan flatbread pizza and ate 2/3 of it and now I want to fracking die. I’ve never purged but it was on my mind all the way home to do it but I’m too chicken. Instead I did 100 squats and some other things even though I know it won’t make up for it. Also, I was just getting into ketosis again and I totally ruined that with the flatbread.

I can’t be sure because I had to guess on the pizza but I think I ate about 1300 calories which is almost 3x what I’ve been eating and I’m taking a steroid and I’m so freaked out that I’m going to undo everything I’ve accomplished.

Bah!

---

cholesterol & orthorexic freakout
/u/fractalviscera
Created: Thu Jun 21 17:51:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swrjr/cholesterol_orthorexic_freakout/
---
i had to go to the doctor's for a physical for work, and i got my blood cholesterol tested for what i think is the first time ever. it was 202 total, which is borderline high (48 hdl and 132 ldl), and i'm baffled?????? i'm vegetarian, gluten free, and have been restricting and regularly exercising for almost a year. most of what i eat is quest bars, fruits, vegetables, and the occasional halo top, and i checked the nutrition facts and none of those are particularly fatty. i've actually been trying to get more fat in my diet because of trouble with satiety and binging and was finally starting to feel good about it. where is this cholesterol coming from????? should i go back to as low fat as possible??? become vegan??? focus on losing more weight????

there's the possibility that this is genetic because my dad also has issues with high cholesterol. am i just doomed to be like this no matter what i eat? i'm so ashamed. i thought my diet was healthy....

---

[Goal] Aren’t measurements an accurate way to tell how you look?
/u/richnskinny
Created: Thu Jun 21 17:45:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swpw6/arent_measurements_an_accurate_way_to_tell_how/
---
Sometimes you wonder if you are truly too skinny or look underweight but then you measure yourself and you’re like 3 inches bigger than your goal soooo wtf

Like, people are saying I lost weight. People I haven’t seen in a month think i lost like 15 lbs when it’s more like 5. Which makes me wonder

But the measuring tape doesn’t lie... and I am Not actually getting too skinny, I’m not a size 0 yet or even as skinny as a real model so can they stop

---

I’m stuck and all ears
/u/savvymaemua
Created: Thu Jun 21 17:43:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swph5/im_stuck_and_all_ears/
---
I’ve been doing intermediate fasting (18 hour fasts a day with a 6 hour window to eat) , changing up my caloric intake, drinking more water than I ever have before, exercising yet I’ve been the same weight for the past 2 weeks. I lost 10 pounds the past month but now I’m stuck at 122 and I’m seriously going to cry

---

This video scares me, as much as I want to be skinny this can be the reality of anorexia!!
/u/browniez123
Created: Thu Jun 21 17:34:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swnd2/this_video_scares_me_as_much_as_i_want_to_be/
---
https://youtu.be/GoTvdCBdPKA

---

[Help] Doctor visit
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Thu Jun 21 17:33:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swn9d/doctor_visit/
---
Y’all I have a question.

Next week I’m seeing a gp about my dodgy knees (kill me I can barely walk let alone run which I genuinely love doing for non-ED reasons).

If you followed the tragic saga of my being dismissed for the 7th time by counsellors then you’ll know I have NOBODY wanting to take me on. Should I mention to the gp that I’m going through a bad relapse?, AND ask whether my knees could be due to starvation // get some bone density scans booked?


Earlier I realised that I literally have no excuse to be like this anymore, whereas previously it was to fit a dress, or saving up for a large meal, or bikini pictures. Now there is nothing and I actually don’t want to have the negative health aspects ruin my genuine self any more than they have done. BUT HEY FROM ED ME - I AM NOW 48kg, BMI 16.61 (oooh palindrome number) CELEBRATE WITH SEMI-SKIM MILK IN TEA!!

Fin. Thanks for listenin’. Over and out.

---

Trisha Paytas broke up with her boyfriend because he called her fat. Her self esteem issues are so heartbreaking and relatable
/u/malignantlycrazy
Created: Thu Jun 21 17:27:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swlsn/trisha_paytas_broke_up_with_her_boyfriend_because/
---
https://youtu.be/xzp1IO-ggAU

Trisha Paytas sits down, cries, and talks about how her boyfriend called her fat and how she can't get past it. She doesn't want to be back on YouTube until she loses 50 lbs. No one deserves to feel so poorly about themselves. I am so sad for her.

---

Plateau
/u/HotMessCentral
Created: Thu Jun 21 17:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8swh4x/plateau/
---
I know you probably get a lot of this here but I seem to be plateauing. I want from my starting weight of 105.5 to upper 90s pretty quickly. The problem is that I have bren sticking around 97.5-98 for what seems like weeks. I usually have a light breakfast and skip lunch, eating a dinner of normal size to appease my parents. I eat lunches on weekends again, because they're worried about me. I drink maybe 3 cups of water daily, should I be having more? I don't know how to break the plateau.

---

[Rant/Rave] triggering doctor’s appointment
/u/audreybelle_
Created: Thu Jun 21 16:41:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sw9o6/triggering_doctors_appointment/
---
so, a couple days ago i made a post about needed to lose water weight for a doctor’s appointment, and i did. i lost around 6lbs today. the appointment was today, and let me tell you, it was fucking horrible. after my weight got written down, my doctor proceeded to tell me about how i had gained weight, blah blah blah. i FUCKING know that. i’m not at my highest weight. why can’t you be happy? i lost weight. thanks for telling me i gained though, i was aware. next, she proceeds to tell me to continue exercising, and my weight will follow. i know this is regular doctor stuff, and they’re supposed to do this, but if i was skinny, no one would tell me to exercise. no one would tell me to eat better. no one would comment about my weight. all this appointment did was make me feel like a fatass fucking pig.

---

ED Friends
/u/Firerose157
Created: Thu Jun 21 16:40:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sw9io/ed_friends/
---
Discussion

Probably not the best idea but i really wish i could find friends in my area with EDs. I feel id probably get jealous and i know id worry about influencing them, but it sounds like great support and a lil fun to do ED stuff together.


What do you think?

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[Help] Thought not eating much protein or exercising would help me lose muscle but my muscles just got flabby instead :(
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Thu Jun 21 16:33:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sw7t0/thought_not_eating_much_protein_or_exercising/
---
:(

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[Help] Nobody in r/fasting is willing to help, they only want to criticize.
/u/dortuh
Created: Thu Jun 21 15:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8svth9/nobody_in_rfasting_is_willing_to_help_they_only/
---
Hi guys. So I posted in r/fasting how I ended up in the hospital- you can read it if you want. And you can see people responding asking me why I did all the stupid things, but nobody willing to tell me how to do it right. Everyone just says "look it up"

But long story short, my blood sugar was low and it was fucking me up.

I'm not understanding, cause I've done 2-3 day fasts before and I never felt that way before (tingling, muscle spasms, high heart rate and panic)

So I'm wondering, how do people fast for long periods of time and stay perfectly fine? I see people in there doing weeks to months. I want to be able to do that. I don't understand how people go on water for long periods of time and they're ok, and I was just drinking electrolytes for a short period of time and I had a blood sugar so low that I thought I was dying. Can anyone explain this?

(My flair is currently incorrect- I'm 122lb at the moment)

---

Quest Protein "Cookies" Waste of Calories
/u/PM_UR_PUPPY
Created: Thu Jun 21 15:36:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8svsgv/quest_protein_cookies_waste_of_calories/
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UGH not worth it. Didn't taste like a cookie at all (tasted like protein powder) and I wasted 240 calories. For this many calories I'd much rather just have a REAL cookie! Or 4 rice cakes which would really fill me up and be so much more satisfying! But now I'm still unsatisfied and over my caloric budget. And it's only 2:30pm, there's so much time left in the day and I can't eat anything.

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[Rant/Rave] purged for the first time in a long time
/u/sh8thead
Created: Thu Jun 21 15:21:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8svo65/purged_for_the_first_time_in_a_long_time/
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i was trying to eat 1200 kcal for about a week but saw at the doctors recently that i gained four pounds. today started out with me not wanting to eat anything until dinner, because i have to eat with my medication at that time, but it spiraled out of control and i ate a bunch(ice cream, banana, cheetos, granola and yogurt, chicken soup, donut, cereal and milk, and probably more im forgetting) then i went to the bathroom and chucked it up. my girlfriends dad heard me and he surmised that i must have made myself throw up
i havent done this in a long time
i think im going to lower my calories down to 500kcal a day and see how that feels for a while. i might try to go lower but im not sure if im strong enough
anyway thats all

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Those of you that do “dry fasts”... why?
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Thu Jun 21 15:14:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8svmep/those_of_you_that_do_dry_fasts_why/
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I’m absolutely not trying to insult anyone here, but it seems incredibly dangerous and pretty useless seeing as how water has 0 calories!

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[Rant/Rave] I’m not sure which is worse: small talk or people commenting on how much weight I’ve lost.
/u/spacekookiyo
Created: Thu Jun 21 15:08:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8svksn/im_not_sure_which_is_worse_small_talk_or_people/
---

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[Rant/Rave] 3 months of recovery for nothing
/u/reviic
Created: Thu Jun 21 15:06:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8svk23/3_months_of_recovery_for_nothing/
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Yesterday I was supposed to meet my endo, and take blood tests to start hormone treatment (trans boy), and start hormones in a week-ish time. I've been eating "enough" coming up to this date to get my vitamins and a stable weight aka I've gained like 5kg. I have to take a plane to get to my clinic, since its very far away, yesterday my flight got cancelled. Couldn't go to my appointment, and thus won't get my hormones. 😭 Now the earliest availabe appointment might be september, but most likely december. 5 months. Fuck that. Im angry and upset and feel like I got fat for nothing and I've just not been able to eat anything properly today. So yeah, theres that. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Maybe ill be cute and tiny by december again. 😒 Ill just continue to take my vitamins and ill be okay hopefully.

thanks for listening to my stupid thoughts hehe

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[Rant/Rave] Anyone else have parents that obsessively try to feed you?
/u/twelvefeeetdeep
Created: Thu Jun 21 14:59:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8svi2y/anyone_else_have_parents_that_obsessively_try_to/
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It drives me insane!!! This is something they’ve done my whole life, leading me to low key blame them for my weight and the struggles I have when it comes to binging. It seems like everything revolves around food. They’re CONSTANTLY reminding me about the pie they made for me that I haven’t eaten or the brownies they bought or the frozen vegan pizza they found at the store or whatever it may be that day. If I’m not eating they’re trying with all their power to get me to eat. It’s so hard to not snap sometimes and since I’ve started losing weight it drives me even more crazy. Does anyone else have this problem? Either way it feels good to rant about it, lol.

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Why does a binge day bring back the weight lost during the week with restriction?
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Thu Jun 21 14:54:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8svgmy/why_does_a_binge_day_bring_back_the_weight_lost/
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So most days I’m restricting at 300-500 cals. If I binge one day, or b/p for three days out of the week I gain the 3 or so pounds that I’ve lost during the week. And then it takes another week of restriction just to get back to my original weight. And another week of binge-free restriction to lose anything more. If it truly takes 3500 cals to gain one pound, how the hell does it take a whole week to get back to my original weight? With purging all of my binges I’m pretty sure I digest less that 1,000 calories in a day. You’d think that steadily over time I’d be losing more. So why aren’t I?

Let’s say I go from 123 lb to 120 within a week of heavy restriction. A day of multiple b/p will bring me back to 124. Back to heavy restriction and a pound will be lost by the second day. By the end of the week (restricting) I’ll be back to 120. But it’d take another week to get to 117 after the week of restrcicting to get back to 120. Anyone else have this issue? If it weren’t for the b/p fuckip id be at 117 by now, after two weeks heavy restricting.

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[Rant/Rave] I Can B/P and No One Even Notices
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Thu Jun 21 14:47:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8svei5/i_can_bp_and_no_one_even_notices/
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I live with my boyfriend and his parents. I've been really good at restricting and slowly losing weight. I work like 5 days a week and I work nights so I don't really even get home until like 10pm. Yesterday, I restricted all day and planned my OMAD after work. I come home. Drink a 90 cal sparkling rosé. (Mistake). I proceed to binge on ice cream, chips, leftover birthday cake, etc. The anxiety immediately hits me. I go to the bathroom and purge as much as possible. I binged again <10 mins later. Purged again. Boyfriend didn't even notice. I guess that's a good thing? Idk. I'm freaking out because I don't know how many calories my body absorbed. Today I plan on low restricting.

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[Help] Am I skinny?
/u/YirtleTheTurtle
Created: Thu Jun 21 14:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8svcdx/am_i_skinny/
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https://i.redd.it/6e563rgz0f511.jpg

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[Tip] Ever go clothes shopping to remind yourself how fat you are?
/u/Doctordoomduck
Created: Thu Jun 21 14:11:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sv4ea/ever_go_clothes_shopping_to_remind_yourself_how/
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Doing that right now, trying on clothes I know won’t fit because I need to get myself motivated for summer.

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Bad therapist?
/u/wes117
Created: Thu Jun 21 13:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8suyq2/bad_therapist/
---
not necessarily eating disorder related but there's some ed stuff
i've been seeing this therapist for 8 months, and she's super sweet besides the fact that she knows nothing about ed so i pretty much just see her for anxiety and trauma.
i've noticed some of the things she says and does are pretty weird, and they've been becoming increasingly more present.

it started off with her giving me her cell number and saying i could text and call her whenever
then she said stuff like "you're my child!" and "i could lose 10 clients and my day would be better, but i cannot lose you!"
then she followed me on social media.
then she started to offer me rides home.
she's always late, if my appointment is at 4 i usually dont get in until 4:30, even 4:45 sometimes.
she eats and goes on her phone during the session sometimes.

this last two sessions,
i told her i shower in the dark. she looks at me, knowing my sex repulsion and past, and goes "hehe so what do you do in there", which led to me having a panic attack because it felt really weird

i told her i don't want to look sexually attractive, and she goes "haha well theres nothing you can do about that one" (i'm 15! this is the root of my eating disorder, and she knows that) and she kept going on about "people are going to find you sexually attractive, thats just how it is! while i kept saying stop im going to leave (i didnt leave). she didn't stop, either. how do you say that to a child? and how do you say that to a child who you know has been sexually abused?

apparently i have lost a "lot" of weight since our last session. she looks at me and she goes "i'm gonna have to start weighing you to know if i have to admit you! i could fit you between my desk and chair and you probably wouldnt even touch either edge, i cant even fit my leg in there! even your stomach i've noticed is starting to go concave!"
and i say:
okay, i've lost weight, but i'm not small.

she says:
"small? yes. tiny? no"
ohhhh boy :)

what do i do ? i'm so uncomfortable tbh...

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[Help] Help
/u/YirtleTheTurtle
Created: Thu Jun 21 13:39:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8suuqe/help/
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Right so i’m constantly monitored by parents who insist on putting 2500 calories in me per day and not allowing me to excercise. How do I keep my weight down?

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Hey what are some of yalls favourite youtube subscriptions?
/u/bashytr0n
Created: Thu Jun 21 13:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8suo1m/hey_what_are_some_of_yalls_favourite_youtube/
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Recently I have been watching What Ive Learned, Robert sapolsky ❤ lectures (although they require a lot of attention), the ballet beautiful workouts, Alivia D'andreas stretching routines and some of Vox's and refinery29's little mini docos.
I love learning about new and interesting things, even if they aren't necesarily mental health/nutrition/excersize related.
I just want to get the most out of youtube because its such a huge resource of amazing knowledge but with also a lot of crap to wade through.


I'm really curious to know what kind of channels you guys like to sub to and what people are interested in!

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I've been eating under TDEE for forever and my body refuses to lose?
/u/whatamidoing0000
Created: Thu Jun 21 13:09:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sumic/ive_been_eating_under_tdee_for_forever_and_my/
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So I made a throwaway cause I mostly lurk on here, but you all are so sweet and I'm a bit confused as to what I should do :/

A little background: I'm 21F / 6' /173(ish) lbs, lift 4-6x, cardio 3-5x /week

Long story short, I've struggled with ED (both ana & mia woo) on and off from age 12, and now I'd say I'm semi recovered (but still stressing way too much about body image/intake). I still relate way too much to r/ProEDmemes haha. Right now (besides when my family has a bunch of meals together in one day) my intake ranges from 1100-1500 cals/day, usually 110+ g protein. I'm in college so I can pretty much eat (or not eat) whatever I want and get away with it.

Two years ago I stopped my excessive cardio habits and picked up lifting. I also started overeating a lot at night, gaining \~25 lbs in a semester. During summer, I realized I had become a heifer and wanted to lose weight. I tried to eat 1500/day but struggled a lot with excessive snacking and lost about 15 lbs by the next summer. Then, in the past year I've only lost 8 lbs, even though I feel like I've been super strict most days. I probably don't ever eat over 2000 cals/day, most days not over 1600. I still lift & run but feel like shit most of the time.

Am I just really bad at counting calories? According to online calculators my TDEE is 1990 with no exercise, and there's no way I am underestimating by 500+ per day. Can someone please help (or maybe just tell me to stop being a lazy fatass)??? I want to get down to 160lbs but my weight has been stagnant the last 4 months.

TL:DR; can't lose weight even though I'm eating at a deficit?

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[Help] short with thick legs
/u/llatae
Created: Thu Jun 21 13:01:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sukcm/short_with_thick_legs/
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im 5'1 and i used to weight 150 pounds a couple of years ago. after diet and exercise, i got down to my current weight (and its still decreasing). i fit into 00 size shorts and jeans, im an extra small in pretty much everything, execpt sport bras where im a small. despite that, i feel like i have the same chunky legs. when i hang my leg horizontally in the hair, the fat on my calves hangs down. when i sit, the fat on my thighs pool up. it feels like ive lost fat everywhere but there. i did cardio to burn most of it and i use the rowing machine when im on campus. just so u get a good idea, my waist is 25in, hips are 30.5, thighs at the fullest part are 19in, knees are 13 in, and calves are 12 in at the fullest part.

i didnt keep my measurements from before, unfortunately, so i dont know if im losing fat or not.

am i doomed to be like this? because i dont want this. would squats help??

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betrayed by the binge
/u/lavendersmoke
Created: Thu Jun 21 13:00:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sujqb/betrayed_by_the_binge/
---
To preface, I've been having semi regular gallbladder problems from my disordered eating and it took a trip to the ER for me to finally found out what's wrong with me and then a lot of self evaluating to figure out what has been causing it.

Anyway I've discovered that if I eat ice cream or high fat dairy products for several days in a row then it triggers the issue pretty badly. Unfortunately when I'm feeling lazy ice cream or gelato is an easy go to for a meal and then yeah this happened.

I'm on vacation and have been for the last two months, I've dealt with severe stomach pain issues several times due to me forgetting that I need to lay off the dairy and I've done it again! This afternoon I allowed myself to binge on two deli sandwiches, a ton of Kit-Kat bars(I don't even like them, it's just punishment at this point), some figs and an entire pint of white chocolate Magnum ice cream - all together roughly 3500cals 🙃

Cue me rolling around in pain an hour later and realizing what I've done since I'd spent be last 10 days prior eating gelato minimum once a day. Fuck me. I'm so disappointed and in so much pain. I'm sorry this is so long, my laptop broke mid trip and I've been surviving off only my phone. Probably going to start posting more regularly again since I need to vent and I don't have anyone to do it to but wow this sucks

tldr; ya girl forgot she's sensitive to dairy and binged like a pathetic motherfucker

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[Help] Ate fast food all weekend, gained 3 lbs :(
/u/2ndfirstday
Created: Thu Jun 21 12:20:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8su829/ate_fast_food_all_weekend_gained_3_lbs/
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I cant believe I let that happen. My ldr boyfriend surprised me with a visit this weekend, and since I have no food at my apartment, he wanted to go out for every meal.

Chick fil a, mcdonald’s, wendy’s, kfc...

I really wanted to lose weight for a festival next weekend, so I’m trying really hard to keep low cal. But now I’m thinking that’s not enough?

Here’s my plan for the week:

- [x] 6/21 @ 8am coffee
- [x] 6/21 @ 1pm protein drink
- [ ] 6/21 @ 7pm oatmeal
- [ ] 6/21 @ 7pm zumba

- [ ] 6/22 @ 8am oatmeal & protein drink & coffee
- [ ] 6/22 @ 7pm protein drink
- [ ] 6/22 @ 7pm swimming

- [ ] 6/23 @ 8am protein drink & coffee
- [ ] 6/23 @ 10:30am Zumba
- [ ] 6/23 @ 3pm oatmeal
- [ ] 6/23 @ 7pm protein drink

- [ ] 6/24 @ 8am protein drink & coffee
- [ ] 6/24 @ 3pm oatmeal

- [ ] 6/25 @ 8am protein drink & coffee
- [ ] 6/25 @ 6pm oatmeal & protein drink
- [ ] 6/25 @ 6:30pm XTREME ABS
- [ ] 6/25 @ 7:30pm swimming
- [ ] 6/25 @ 8:15pm yoga

- [ ] 6/26 @ 8am protein drink & coffee
- [ ] 6/26 @ 7pm oatmeal & protein drink

Then i’ll be forced to fast until 6/27 at 2:30pm or later due to traveling.


**Rules**
- 60+ oz water per day
- Plain coffee, no creamer
- Multivitamins every day

Any other suggestions? I’m so fucking stressed.

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[Help] an awkward tmi question
/u/smolpriincess
Created: Thu Jun 21 12:13:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8su5zm/an_awkward_tmi_question/
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when restricting does anyone else have stomach issues? I have been high restricting like 300 max cals a day and literally everything I do eat goes right through me and it's so gross and my stomach is in so much pain. has anyone else experienced this?

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[Other] DAE feel like they’re more prone to health issues/sickness when they eat semi-normally
/u/skinny-star-boy
Created: Thu Jun 21 11:56:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8su0t6/dae_feel_like_theyre_more_prone_to_health/
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To elaborate, I feel like I’m way more prone to yeast infections when I’m eating above 900cals and I just think it’s so gross but when I’m heavily restricting I feel like nothing goes wrong other than a headache

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[Discussion] DAE feel like their eating disorder ISN'T about control???
/u/littlesmol
Created: Thu Jun 21 11:35:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8stulj/dae_feel_like_their_eating_disorder_isnt_about/
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I always see these posts and articles trying to explain that eating disorders aren't about losing weight but about gaining control. Now I'm fully aware that that's how it is for most people, but am I the only one who doesn't care about the control part of it? *I don't give a shit about being in control.* I'd be just as happy if someone else ran my life and made all of my decisions for me. I do this for 2 reasons: I want to lose weight, and I hate myself so much that I want to suffer. This is just another form of self harm for me, with the added benefit that hopefully I'll be more attractive by the end of it. Or maybe I'll die first, idgaf.

**TL;DR** I don't do this to gain control, I do it to hurt myself/lose weight. Anyone else feel the same?

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[Help] obtaining ECA stacks?
/u/peachypeachy9
Created: Thu Jun 21 11:33:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8stu1c/obtaining_eca_stacks/
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sorry if this is a dumb question; i noticed a lot of people here take ECA stacks and i looked into it and i want to try too because my appetite gets super bad towards the end of the day and it gets very difficult to restrict.

can i just walk into a drugstore like rite aid and pick it up? do i need a prescription? will they ask if i have asthma?

thanks in advance!

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[Rant/Rave] Im so stressed about today’s schedule and dinner
/u/cas215
Created: Thu Jun 21 11:31:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sttgi/im_so_stressed_about_todays_schedule_and_dinner/
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I have to go out to dinner w/ family (my ‘going away’ meal) and i know i will easily eat 800+ cals. Usually i would just exercise all day because i freak if i eat more than i burn. But today i dont have the time to exercise and its freaking me out. Im taking my brother to the movies and my parents will be home before we get back so none of my hour and a half treadmill time. Im freaking out about it. But at the same time im looking forward to getting to eat real food. Usually i would just tell myself to fast the next day but i CANT because i have to go to lunch with my grandfather. I want to cry.

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[Help] Food and vacation
/u/xxxanon1117
Created: Thu Jun 21 11:20:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8stq4p/food_and_vacation/
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Long story ahead: what you need to know is my partner (named "Matt"), his family, and I are taking a 4 day vacation to a beach house.

So, I emotionally shut down and almost started crying in front of my Matt's family yesterday. His mom is asking Matt and I to bring/buy supplies to cook everyone dinner for one night and yeah, that's totally reasonable. She decided for us to do a pasta dish so I can work with that.

But Matt's mom was suggesting all of these foods and gave examples of what everyone else is going to be cooking, etc. and only then did it occur to me
"how the HeCk am I supposed to restrict around people I have to eat 2-3 meals a day with??!!"

I'm vegetarian so that allows me to skip some things, but I'm going to have to act like I eat more than 500 cals a day and it's so exhausting going through the mental gymnastics of what food to bring, how to eat in front of them, how not to eat in front of them, all of it. It's still a month away but I'm already trying to think up excuses for skipping meals... Also, since it is 4 days and in a house with a full kitchen and stuff, what do you guys think I could bring for just every day food and not seem super suspicious? I'm already about to stock up on Quest bars...

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[Help] Food and vacation
/u/xxxanon1117
Created: Thu Jun 21 11:20:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8stq4l/food_and_vacation/
---
Long story ahead: what you need to know is my partner (named "Matt"), his family, and I are taking a 4 day vacation to a beach house.

So, I emotionally shut down and almost started crying in front of my Matt's family yesterday. His mom is asking Matt and I to bring/buy supplies to cook everyone dinner for one night and yeah, that's totally reasonable. She decided for us to do a pasta dish so I can work with that.

But Matt's mom was suggesting all of these foods and gave examples of what everyone else is going to be cooking, etc. and only then did it occur to me
"how the HeCk am I supposed to restrict around people I have to eat 2-3 meals a day with??!!"

I'm vegetarian so that allows me to skip some things, but I'm going to have to act like I eat more than 500 cals a day and it's so exhausting going through the mental gymnastics of what food to bring, how to eat in front of them, how not to eat in front of them, all of it. It's still a month away but I'm already trying to think up excuses for skipping meals... Also, since it is 4 days and in a house with a full kitchen and stuff, what do you guys think I could bring for just every day food and not seem super suspicious? I'm already about to stock up on Quest bars...

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I'm going to start spitting to attempt to improve my non existent self control
/u/tolearnalanguage
Created: Thu Jun 21 11:09:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8stmmo/im_going_to_start_spitting_to_attempt_to_improve/
---
Wish me luck. How hard can it possibly be?

/nervous laughter

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Should I lie about the weight on my license?
/u/Bredbrand12
Created: Thu Jun 21 11:02:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8stkgn/should_i_lie_about_the_weight_on_my_license/
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So I'm 5'5", 105 lbs in the morning and 106/107 when I eat. I'm debating whether I should put 105 lbs on my license to appear skinnier, or if I should put down a weight between 106-110 to appear healthier. I also have a lot of anxiety about becoming unhealthy and gaining weight, so I'm worried that if I put down 105 and I gain weight a few years from now I'll be embarrassed by the weight on my license.

---

I’ll just leave this here
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Thu Jun 21 10:59:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8stjeg/ill_just_leave_this_here/
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https://i.redd.it/5vht50fpxd511.jpg

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No results. Where's my whoosh?!
/u/ieba2892
Created: Thu Jun 21 10:52:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sth6y/no_results_wheres_my_whoosh/
---
Guys, I'm so frustrated. To be fair, that post yesterday or the day before about the "whoosh" or how your fat cells store water and that’s how plateaus happen, and that has me hoping for that whoosh still, and I thank whoever posted that because it really made me feel better, but it's just so, so frustrating.

I've been paying for an actual nutritionist to make me a diet, I've been working out a couple hours 4 days a week, and I have not lost. A. Single. Gram. of. Weight. I've actually fucking gained couple hundred grams.

It makes me so mad. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I'm angry that my body has water retention during my period, and during my ovulation. That means the week of my ovulation, the week before my period, the week after my period, it leaves for one fucking week a month for my "real" weight. And this is that golden week. And I weight the same as a month ago. I'm angry that now that I'm older (I'm 26, is that old enough for a fucked up metabolism?) I have to do twice as much effort for half the results. I'm so angry because I want to be smaller. I'm so angry that I've given up a lot of foods and drinks I love, pushed back plates of cake and sweets, denied myself alcohol, which I love (I just want a glass of whiskey, god damn it), and all so that there is literally no change.

What gives, man?!

It's just not fair. I'm so mad at me and my body and the world today.

---

[Help] Over the counter pills I (17) can buy that may help with appetite/ weight loss/ supplements/ whatever?
/u/cas215
Created: Thu Jun 21 10:46:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8stfo7/over_the_counter_pills_i_17_can_buy_that_may_help/
---

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What new no-guilt food have you recently discovered? Mine's puffed corn cereal!
/u/DryBrilliant
Created: Thu Jun 21 10:34:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8stc0w/what_new_noguilt_food_have_you_recently/
---
So I decided to try this puffed corn cereal that I found at the health food store. Just 60 calories a cup, and a half cup of cereal plus unsweetened vanilla cashew milk at 25 calories is really satisfying. My new favorite no-guilt food.

What's yours?

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[Other] Started a journal to help discourage binging!
/u/Baby-Baphomet
Created: Thu Jun 21 10:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8st7u5/started_a_journal_to_help_discourage_binging/
---
http://imgur.com/gallery/NZCX3Dl

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[Rant/Rave] extra "sensitive" when around girls of same ethnicity
/u/llatae
Created: Thu Jun 21 09:50:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ssyu4/extra_sensitive_when_around_girls_of_same/
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what i mean to say is, being a pakistani girl, I just get sooo....uncomfortable and so self-conscious around girls who are much prettier than i am. or not even that, just average looking or less.

here's an unimportant but relevant story that caused me to make this post!!

i was on facebook and saw a girl i thought i knew through dinner (and iftar) parties and i noticed we had some mutual friends, including my best friend who im seeing. he and i met through tinder. i showed him her profile and said smth like "hey isnt it weird how i just realized i met this girl even though we've been eating dinner together etc." also, sidenote, this girl is BEAUTIFUL and smart and talented and looks like she has a great and loving family and has an active and healthy life on social media. god i wish i had that going on lmao. and her body! like shes super thin and has amazing facial features and beautiful eyes. anyways, he brought up that they spoke on tinder for a bit and thats how they're friends on facebook.

he super liked her on tinder but he just normal liked me :/ thats beside the point though. she seems like a nice girl and i feel guilty for not talking to her at those parties, but shes just so beautiful and i would feel so awkward. like, if someone had to chose between me and her based on looks, personality, and intelligence, it would definitely be her. hell, i would chose her over me.

let me know i am not alone in this! who else feels this way. pls relate to me.

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[Help] ED relapse after abortion (after almost 3 years recovered) [Long post]
/u/Alnamria
Created: Thu Jun 21 09:47:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ssy3c/ed_relapse_after_abortion_after_almost_3_years/
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Hi everyone, new poster here.

Just some background of my ED experience:
I'm 24/F. I've been the "chubby friend" ever since I can remember, and have always been balls-deep in diet culture with my mum and older sister. When I was 17, I decided to go on an innocent diet to drop some weight that I gained at my part time job. Surprisingly, I was able to stick to it, over time it developed into a full-blown ED, and within a year I had dropped over 20kg (I've been 4'10" since I was 15 lol) through restriction (B/P was never my thing). I had adopted pretty much all of the usual ED behaviours and symptoms. I kept this up for about 5 years until I finally made the choice to give recovery a good go. To keep the recovery story short and sweet, I basically went vegan and have never seriously tried to restrict again, despite having the regular bouts of body image insecurity (the weight gain took about a year to accept). By the time I got pregnant (almost 3 years into recovery), I was relatively happy with my body and my life.

I found out I was pregnant in the beginning of April. My boyfriend and I had always agreed that an abortion would be the best decision at the event of an unwanted pregnancy (I never wanted a biological child). However, that didn't make the decision easy. As some of you may have experienced or know, pregnancy hormones CHANGE YOU. I was super emotional through out the 12 weeks that i was pregnant - I would swing beteen the highest highs and lowest lows all within a couple of hours (I don't think I've ever cried as much as I did during pregnancy). Surprisingly, I ended up falling in love with my unborn baby and that explains why I pushed the termination date so far (I went through weeks and weeks of decision-making). Another thing that changed was this new-found unconditional love for my body. My body image and sense of self had changed dramatically. It was something that I had never experienced before. I wasn't restricting, and I wasn't overeating. I just ate what I felt like, and it always just happened to be healthy choices and healthy portions. I felt so beautiful and healthy and SO happy. Even when I felt like I was showing and I could only wear my super loose clothes, I felt incredibly carefree and happy.
[Just an FYI, my boyfriend was supportive of any decision that I wanted to make regarding the pregnancy, he paid for the procedure, and has (so far) fulfilled his promise to try to keep us from pushing each other away after the procedure (a big fear of his was a post-abortion break-up, which we had read was quite common for couples).]

Anyway, 3 weeks ago, I had the pregnancy termination (my boyfriend came along to the procedure and took care of me post-surgery). After I finally snapped back into reality, I immediately noticed that I was no longer emotional. I didn't cry after waking up. Basically, I knew that having the procedure was the right decision (so I honestly don't feel like I'm sad over the baby that could have been. It was DEFINITELY the right decision). I was pretty much normal for 2 weeks after the procedure - I was back to my pre-pregnancy, usual self. However, last week I noticed that I had an overall numbness, emotionally - I don't experience happiness at the calibre I did after being full recovered. Along with that, my ED thoughts have come back intensely and I've begun to romanticise the idea of death again. All of a sudden, I miss the life that I had during my ED - I loved being a perfectionist (something that I could never achieve before). I want to be skinny again. I want to be successful again. Just so you know, I haven't been back to work since finding out I was pregnant, so I really need to get my shit together fast, and my ED seems like the only way I can). Still, I genuinely worry for my boyfriend - I KNOW that I will become a completely different person if my ED is successful.

I just wanted to know others' experience with this, why does this happen, and what has helped people get out of this mess (if they were able to).

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I don't know what I'm doing.
/u/daintydollll
Created: Thu Jun 21 09:33:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ssu0j/i_dont_know_what_im_doing/
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I don't even know why I'm still starving myself or why I can't bring myself to eat anything. I want to get better but I don't want to gain weight. I don't want to die from this disorder that's taken over my life. I hate myself.. I wish I was normal and that I could be okay. but instead I'm laying in bed wondering if tonight will be the night I die in my sleep because I haven't eaten anything. I'm sad :( I'm just ranting because I have no one else to go to and im just getting overwhelmed with the fact this is just me, and how I'll be forever.

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[Other] Started a joutnal to help discourage binging!
/u/Baby-Baphomet
Created: Thu Jun 21 09:33:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ssttx/started_a_joutnal_to_help_discourage_binging/
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http://imgur.com/gallery/NZCX3Dl

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no, mom. just no
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Thu Jun 21 09:19:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sspoa/no_mom_just_no/
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my... mother! thought it was a great idea to tell me i "look like one of those starving african children", which is not only a questionable way of commenting on weightloss, but was also aimed at me - a person with a 22.7 BMI - and, yeah. thats not how things work, mom.

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[Rant/Rave] Alone again!
/u/oooshethique
Created: Thu Jun 21 09:01:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ssk6q/alone_again/
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My mother loves forcing incredibly unhealthy food on me. She came to visit me after i spent a month with my family, who have similar tendencies, and stocked the kitchen with shit I’d never buy for myself (cakes, cookies, you name it) so I can’t complain, because she did buy me food, but it’s food I just can’t justify eating. But, today she’s leaving! I’ll take the crap to work or leave it outside so homeless people can have it or something and then I’m free to do as I please!! Starting with a 36-hour fast to celebrate :))

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Obsessing over food is easier than obsessing over anything else
/u/n4yc1
Created: Thu Jun 21 08:55:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ssiko/obsessing_over_food_is_easier_than_obsessing_over/
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I recently left a friends-with-benefits situation with someone who I had major feelings for. And they weren’t reciprocated. I’ve have depression and have had restrictive tendencies but I’d be lying if I said this didn’t make me spiral into new territory.

It’s like the perfect storm. I wasn’t good enough, so once I’m skinny I’ll be cool and pretty and he’ll like me.

I wasn’t good enough, so I don’t deserve food.

But the main thing - I used to think about him ALL THE TIME. Obsessing over what he was doing, why wasn’t he texting me, what could I do to make him like me....and when I decided I didn’t want to be just fucking around anymore, I couldn’t stop obsessing over what I did wrong and why I wasn’t good enough.

But now!! I haven’t thought about him in a while. I just think about food. I plan out my next meals instead of planning out what I’m going to text him.

Feeling unwanted sucks. I know I’m just avoiding it and this is a horrible coping mechanism. Does anyone else retreat into their ED to avoid thinking about their other problems?

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[Other] A quick update on the donut
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Thu Jun 21 08:54:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ssi59/a_quick_update_on_the_donut/
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I drove myself there, my dad gave me money but I couldn’t bring myself to eat it. So I didn’t buy it.

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[Rant/Rave] Random, somewhat awkward question.
/u/xxnevi
Created: Thu Jun 21 08:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ssbrp/random_somewhat_awkward_question/
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So I have a very boney ass. I also greatly enjoy baths.

There is no way to relax in this tub without putting serious pressure on either my hip bone or my tail bone.

Anyone else? Is there anything that's waterproof that I can put under my booty?

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Plateau-ing around BMI 17.5.... I could cry
/u/DrWoph
Created: Thu Jun 21 08:11:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ss63g/plateauing_around_bmi_175_i_could_cry/
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Anyone else here find they're able to consistently lose weight for a while, until getting to near the bloody 17.5 BMI mark?

I've been restricting to 700-800/day (with exercise) for weeks, and the scale has not moved from my BMI of 17.3.

How does this happen. How is physiology this irritating.

It's just very annoying as in the UK (dont know how the situation is elsewhere), your BMI often has to be below 17.5 for the service to help you with an eating disorder. I have a diagnosis, have had for 10 years, and have had therapy for anorexia before. But by the time I get dressed to get weighed, I sit right around that 17.5 marker. And I feel like the therapists I see are probably sitting there going 'yeah......right', when I detail my calorie restriction.

Ugh, it's just so annoying. I could cry. I do, often.

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Protein
/u/cherie-amore
Created: Thu Jun 21 08:00:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ss325/protein/
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Do you track your macros? Since I've started high restriction the past two weeks, I've noticed my protein levels have been alarmingly low, usually under 10% and always below 20%.

Meat is so calorically dense that it's difficult to fit it in my desired calorie range. I've also been incorporating black beans, but I think I need to be eating a lot more. I've purchased turkey patties that I think I will eat with greens and some other vegetables. How do you all get protein into your diet?

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[Rant/Rave] i did it for the sake of not binging
/u/clemintide
Created: Thu Jun 21 07:37:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8srx0i/i_did_it_for_the_sake_of_not_binging/
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what i’ve learned from denying myself food which had been served on every holiday this past year, including my own birthday, it had always resulted in massive 1-2 day binges because of thinking “i can’t have that.”

so my mom’s birthday was yesterday, she bought pints of hagen dazs ice creams. i had said no when she offered me it, but this morning, i don’t know, i just felt strong, so before going to ask, i stood still for a moment really asking myself if i wanted to do this... all the anxiety and fear it could give me... i made the move before all those thoughts set in and i asked, “so mom, any of that icecream left?”

she had a pint of vanilla chocolate chip left, so i ate that one, sprinkled a few sprinkles and caramel drizzle over it, since i’ve always dreamt of binging on icecream sundaes because i never let myself have REAL icecream (cough cough halo top) or icecream toppings. i could not deny myself any of these things or i knew it was gonna result in binging later.

it’s putting me at about 2,500 calories for the day. i’ve been in a deficit all week so just this one day is not going to ruin everything for me no matter how much i think it will. i will take 2,500 calories over 10-20k calories any day! i can’t believe i just did this but i feel so relieved and happy! i didn’t let this take away another holiday for me! i’m so proud of myself for doing this “responsibly.”

it’s been 46 days since my last binge and i am not about to break that streak! :D

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I started a secret instagram account so I can shame myself
/u/thrsblyt
Created: Thu Jun 21 07:34:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8srw93/i_started_a_secret_instagram_account_so_i_can/
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Hello! First time posting here. I've always struggled with binge eating. My lightest weight was at 140lbs at 5'2" and i thought i was really fat. Then university and life happened. I am now 160lbs. I have a problem with binge eating. I can't seem to stop it. Hopefully posting on Instagram can help me get over it and stay accountable.

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[Rant/Rave] Why is no one talking about this?
/u/markexclamationmark
Created: Thu Jun 21 07:24:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8srtnx/why_is_no_one_talking_about_this/
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There are a bunch of "typical ED foods" that everyone knows like diet coke, gum, baby food, rice cakes etc, but I've literally never seen anyone mention my holy grail of high volume/low cal foods. I don't know if people haven't come across it, or don't know it's potential or??

Take a seat my friends as I present to you the simple beauty of {ｃｏｎｇｅｅ}

Its basically rice porridge - I think a bunch of cultures have their version, but mine is a modified Cantonese-style recipe I found online.

You just simmer a 1: 10 ratio of rice to liquid (I use 4 parts vegie stock for flavour, then use water for the rest) for an hour, and maybe chuck in some ginger and garlic for flavour. It's so yummy and filling to me. And amazing in the cold weather. I sometimes add soy sauce and spring onions for flavour, or a boiled egg if I need the energy. I make a big pot (1 metric cup rice) and eat it gradually. It lasts me days!

The best part is that 1. My family doesn't like it much so wont eat it all when I'm not looking, and 2. They know nothing about the calorie content of foods so even though it looks like I'm eating a full on meal it's actually only 150-200cals, and they won't question it.

Let me know if you guys have tried anything like it!

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[Rant/Rave] went on vacation, binged four days straight, lost .6 pounds
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Thu Jun 21 07:17:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8srrur/went_on_vacation_binged_four_days_straight_lost_6/
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WHAT THE FUCK, BODY?

i was 109 before i left (my flair is a lie, i was binging before i left, too) and i just weighed myself, expecting 110 or 111 at worst, but then it says 108.6. so i take off my clothes, and it says 108.4.

i lost .6 pounds over vacation when i know for a fact that i ate at least 2000 calories every day.

christ :)

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[Other] Was craving chips so I looked for a mukbang video and found this. The way she eats is SO satisfying to me.
/u/lightfeathers
Created: Thu Jun 21 06:52:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8srlry/was_craving_chips_so_i_looked_for_a_mukbang_video/
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https://youtu.be/I0v-uqlX71A

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[Other] I am so FUCKING HAPPY!
/u/madeinny88
Created: Thu Jun 21 06:51:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8srlli/i_am_so_fucking_happy/
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I went to the lake with my family last weekend. Whenever we used to go there I would eat whatever I wanted, and I got nostalgic and wanted to feel that freedom again... so I decided to not give a fuck about what I ate, and eat whatever I wanted. My husband's friend who was there said "make this a 'free' day. You deserve it."

So that's what I did. I set out to be "free." And ate whatever the fuck I wanted. And ended up eating. Almost. 4,000. Fucking. Calories.

Needless to say, I didn't feel so free after that. More like in a panic. But o was like, you know what... fuck it! I had no scale there, so in a way, I almost did feel kind of free. Free from my daily sentencing ( weighing myself), anyway! Free from the prison I put myself in? Ehhh maybe not.

Binges suck. Especially when you have a rule of not purging because you used to purge up to 10 times a day and don't want to go down that road again. Then you're stuck with the binge. In other words I felt like I was in hell.

The day after we got home I weighed
Myself and was 125.8. The next two days I was 125.4. I ate 1200 or under since i got home but the scale wasn't budging. Last night I broke my fast to binge on strawberry shortcake cookies and afterwards could not mentally handle myself. I was crying uncontrollably because I was so disappointed in myself. And finally I made the choice that I was going to purge because I DID NOT WANT ALLLLL THIS SUGAR TO STAY IN ME and turn to fat.

I could have told my husband I felt like purging and he would have made me sit down next to him and made sure I didn't. But I ended up, for the first time in many years, going in the bathroom and trying to purge. I found that I could only purge little bits of the food at a time. Fuck that. it was so unsatisfying and not worth it at all. What is worth it is when large amounts come up on one or two giant heaves. But it had been so long since I've done this that I forgot that one of the reasons I stopped doing it was because my body physically couldn't do it anymore, and STILL can't do it. And I was reminded that I don't WANT to do it anymore, AT ALL.

So I'm thankful , in a way, that I actually got to the point that I got to yesterday. It showed me a lot and I learned a lot from it and I really am pretty damn sure I won't be trying to do that again. I know there are ways I could probably throw up easier, old tricks that I don't want to even think about. Because I don't want to. Fuck purging and fuck bingeing!!! Maybe this will stop me from bingeing so hard in the future!

The reason I'm so happy this morning is because I went from 125.4 yesterday to 123.6 today. I'm feeling a little more comfortable in my skin and that is always a win win for me

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When all the things make you wanna binge
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Thu Jun 21 06:45:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8srk59/when_all_the_things_make_you_wanna_binge/
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*1st world problems rant ahead.*

- Didn’t sleep well
- Woke up sad
- Have zero energy and I’m cranky
- Back is in pain and couldn’t run as long at the gym
- It’s raining
- Left my lunch and snacks in the car and the car is a REALLY far walk from my office
- Wanted my magic Starbucks drink to curb binge cravings and I got to campus and it’s not open for another 30 min (why)
- Got to work too early
- Hate the outfit I picked out and I’m stuck in it all day. Legit makes me look overweight.
- I know I won’t be home until about 8 tonight so I feel angry and tired already and the day hasn’t even started
- Went to dinner at a couples house last night and the wife is ***literally body and style goals.*** and what’s worse is we have the same body type so I know if I got to my goal weight we would look very simmilar....
- ...So obvs having a bad body image day

Ugh. I could go on.

But I know binging would only make every single one of these things so much more frustrating so just trying to ignore it. Also unintentionally fasting today because I failed and left all the food in the car.

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[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support June 21, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 21 06:11:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8srcj8/weekly_emotional_support_june_21_2018/
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We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 21, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 21 06:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8src7d/daily_food_diary_june_21_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for June 21, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant/discussion] When safe foods become fear foods
/u/captain_peanutbutter
Created: Thu Jun 21 05:52:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sr89g/rantdiscussion_when_safe_foods_become_fear_foods/
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First cheese, then peanut butter, then oatmeal, and now even freaking apples and hard-boiled eggs sometimes (all of which I used to LOVE.) This keeps happening to me and it's. so. frustrating!!! At least I still have my pea protein shakes and raw veg lmao.

Has anyone else ever had this happen to them? And have you found any new safe foods to replace them with? I've really gotten into aubergine/eggplant recently, for example!

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Retain water while sick?
/u/Nutrionalt
Created: Thu Jun 21 05:09:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sqzbp/retain_water_while_sick/
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I’m freaking out right now. I’ve been in the 132-133 range for weeks on end and then suddenly 138 today 3-4 days since last Check. My only possible reason is I have an ear infection right now. I really hope that explains it cause if it doesn’t oh boy I’m fasting for a long time 😬

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[Rant/Rave] New plan
/u/kittencatmeows1
Created: Thu Jun 21 04:39:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sqtr1/new_plan/
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A day late for a whiny Wednesday but I feel so overwhelmed that I need to shout into the void.

I'm female, 5'10 and 150-160, I got had a high weigh in at 173 a month or two ago at the doctor that just sent me into a complete spiral. My low weight was between 120 and 110 and I would be happy (who are we kidding) at 130.

I have been trying and failing to restrict, I had a really successful few weeks that dropped me to 150, but then I got in a car accident and lost my gym privileges as well as easy access to the grocery store. I regained about six pounds from binging my head off.

I'm so tired of being this fat, it makes my already very difficult life so so much harder.

So the new plan is to add an EC stack and swear off solid food altogether.

That sounds crazy I know BUT I ordered Soylent in a few different flavors and am planning on using a bottle a day as my meal. That should clock me in at 400 calories per bottle, giving me some wiggle room for protein shakes and occasional solid food for the inevitable mental fatigue.

Does anyone else here use Soylent to replace food? I'm hoping to just retrain my brain into not associating calories with comfort or whatever and just see it as fuel.

I also have bipolar disorder (yay for comorbidity) and I'm a little anxious about how the EC stack might affect me. So far I don't see any interactions between my meds and the stack, but the internet is sparse on those sort of things. Hopefully abusing a stimulant won't spark anything else in me, I just need that extra boost.

I work in a daycare so I'm literally serving food up to four times a day, and we are heavily encouraged to eat "family style" with the children. I hate it with all my heart, especially when they serve gold fish. I love goldfish, can barely stop myself from shoving fistfuls in my mouth like a goblin! Lol I live with my parents, my mother is diebetic and my dad refuses to eat healthy. Last night they wanted to eat pierogies friend in butter! I am not going to lie, I ate them (and cried but whatever). This post got sorta long, I guess I'm just venting.

I'm feeling so alone, I would love to chat btw with anyone who has an interest

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Ate high cal lunch and high cal dinner and super disappointed in myself
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Thu Jun 21 04:08:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sqo4r/ate_high_cal_lunch_and_high_cal_dinner_and_super/
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That's it.

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Help me get motivated again?
/u/sigvi
Created: Thu Jun 21 03:57:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sqm6l/help_me_get_motivated_again/
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So I need to vent. Back in May I lost 11 lbs by eating 200-400 calories a day, doing LCHF and walking a lot. Then I had a plateau for maybe 2 days and I got over it, but then I binged. That binge led to an overall bad week and I gained 1.3 lb which just crushed me and sent me into a downward spiral. Now for about 3 weeks I’ve been in a horrible binge period with only a couple of days of restricting and I’ve gained 9 lbs or more back. I’m also on summer break and have been isolating myself like crazy.

It all just feels soooo unnecessary. Why did I have to be so sad over gaining 1 lb? If I hadn’t let myself go I definitely would’ve been at my goal weight by now. (My goal is 104 lbs or 47kg & I’m 5’2. I started at 55kg, went down to 50 and am back to 54 now. If anyone wanted to know)

I’ve been trying everyday to get back to restricting and following my old schedule but I just can’t seem to get my willpower back? I keep binging and feeling hopeless and feeling like a failure..

I was SO happy when I was losing. I was close to my goal and felt like the future was bright af. And now I’ve just ruined everything. I feel like all of these thoughts stand in the way of me getting back on track but idk how to get rid of them!

So I guess I’m posting this out of desperation. I feel so alone in this. I feel like everyone else with an ED is “better” at it than I am. But I know this sub is helpful so maybe you guys could give me some tips on how to stop binging or how to stop the destructive thoughts and become motivated again.

(Sorry for any mistakes, I’m Swedish lol)

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[Other] Wine for dinner seems like a good idea until you get stuck in the bath
/u/HappierHungry
Created: Thu Jun 21 03:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sqkix/wine_for_dinner_seems_like_a_good_idea_until_you/
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Or so I've heard, you can't prove anything, you're the one making a juvenile bubble fort and no you can't have the password

Alternative title: I'm tipsy AMA

Alternative alternative title/LPT: can't binge if you can't get to the food because the tub is too slippery and your legs too rubbery

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[Rant/Rave] I am so so done with my ed and life in general
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Thu Jun 21 03:42:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sqjgj/i_am_so_so_done_with_my_ed_and_life_in_general/
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I was doing pretty well, doing my absolute best to eat enough each day because I need to gain a tiny bit of weight. Then shit went down. I'm super stressed about school because I suddenly have to write a whole paper in about a week (mind you, usually you get a year for it) and I can't do anything without breaking down because I'm so stressed. I literally can't be bothered anymore to take care of myself. I haven't slept last night, I haven't showered in almost a week and on top of that, I still haven't eaten anything today (nor am I going to) and it's almost noon. I feel so ashamed of myself. I promised many people, including myself, that I'd eat and take care of myself. Instead I don't do either and lie about both. I don't know how to deal with any of this. I'm literally ready to throw myself of the nearest bridge if I'd have any motivation to actually get there. I just want this to be over. I don't want this stupid depression anymore, I don't want this fucking ed. I never asked for this, but I am expected to deal with it. HOW?!

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When do I start feeling cold?
/u/Melusedek
Created: Thu Jun 21 03:30:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sqhgv/when_do_i_start_feeling_cold/
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I feel like I'm pretty solidly in the underweight category. Even with minor fluctuations throughout the week, my weight is always in the < 18.5 bmi range.

I didn't think I would suddenly develop the symptoms of being underweight once I crossed that threshold, but other than being a little more tired, I feel pretty much the same.

But it's been +25 C (77 F) here, with the occasional 30-32 (86-90). I'm fucking dying (I can handle cold way better than I can handle heat)! I read all the time about people feeling cold in warm temperatures at even normal BMIs due to long term restriction, but I'm always way too warm.

I don't want to ask how to be more sick, but this is like the only symptom I actually want (though don't get me wrong, I am grateful I'm not exhibiting anything else).

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96 pounds and 5'4". STILL have cellulite-- not just the lines kind, but even the crinkly indented kind. At what point does it go away?
/u/tinnyminny
Created: Thu Jun 21 02:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sq5xs/96_pounds_and_54_still_have_cellulite_not_just/
---
Duuuude. I went from 104 to 96 and I still have cellulite on my thighs. It'd be one thing if it were just the weird streaky stretch marks, but NO, I have deep creases too!! The primary reason why I lost weight was because I thought it would get rid of this marshmallow ass. What gives?

I haven't been doing any exercise, btw. Would that actually help? I heard that you have to eat more to gain muscle, so it's kind of contradictory...

When I say deep creases, I mean like [this](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/9HWYABEmaUI/maxresdefault.jpg), except not as widespread.

---

My account discovered
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Thu Jun 21 02:05:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sq3iv/my_account_discovered/
---
So I was looking through my account and saw someone posted on it. I'm furious that someone would invade my privacy, now I'm having a panic attack. How do I delete a post that wasn't posted by me?

---

Looking for a buddy
/u/PastelEmma
Created: Thu Jun 21 01:48:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sq0d8/looking_for_a_buddy/
---
[removed]

---

Ok honestly who do y’all even count calories
/u/billiedove
Created: Thu Jun 21 01:38:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8spytu/ok_honestly_who_do_yall_even_count_calories/
---
I’m more of a ‘fast for 24 hours then eat an entire pizza and cry’ kind of person. I’ve been wanting to get my shit under control and count calories, but...

How do you even?

I eat outside a lot. What do you do when you buy a sandwich somewhere? Do you just... not? Stuff is made of so many ingredients. Even if it seems straightforward, there’s the cooking, the marinating, the sauces, the little pieces of carrots, i don’t know, so much stuff, it’s impossible?

Even cooking at home? There’s so many ingredients in everything? Do you just approximate?

I’m baffled at how so many people over at /loseit and /1200isplenty even manage.

K bye i’m gonna go on living on my steady diet of junk food and alcohol once every 2 days til i figure it out thanks

---

[Goal] Maintain goal weight and start exercising?
/u/Makoschar
Created: Thu Jun 21 00:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8spr29/maintain_goal_weight_and_start_exercising/
---
I have restricted down from 155 to 128 in about three months with my goal weight being 125 at 5’9.

Now I’m realizing I might not be able to just stop restricting like I planned. I wanted to start eating at maintenance and working out but maintenance feels so uncomfortably full and working out makes me feel like I have no energy at this weight.

Has anyone else successfully maintained once they got to their goal weight and been able to introduce exercise?

I’m so floppy compared to when I was working out daily and not caring about my weight (which had been 130 before I gained 25 pounds).

---

Potentially unpopular opinion, but...cheat meals?
/u/strugglecity1
Created: Thu Jun 21 00:49:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sppyb/potentially_unpopular_opinion_butcheat_meals/
---
So I have been high restricting these days (around 750 cals) and have lost a little bit. I want to go for broke and hit my lowest weight ever. Like I need this. I also struggle with binge eating (having regained all my weight over the last 8 months from it), so I can't eat so low forever. I have been giving myself one cheat meal week - it's only been two weeks so I can't comment yet on how successful it is but...has anyone else has success with this kind of model?

---

WHOOP THERE IT IS
/u/MyNames_Not_Rick
Created: Thu Jun 21 00:41:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8spofg/whoop_there_it_is/
---
https://i.redd.it/yiipc09eva511.jpg

---

[Discussion] What does ‘safe food’ mean, to you?
/u/deadlylikesugar
Created: Thu Jun 21 00:34:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8spn71/what_does_safe_food_mean_to_you/
---
I know there is probably an official consensus over what the proper definition of a safe food is. But I’m wondering what it means for all of *you*.

• Is it a food you can eat guilt free?
• Is it a food that actually makes you feel *safe* like, protected?
• Maybe a food that you know won’t trigger a binge?

I don’t know, for me, personally, I don’t think I really have any “safe” foods, per-say. Any food, even healthy or low cal food could trigger a binge and I could go all out on a binge of pickles and fruit snacks. In general, I stick to foods that are ‘healthy’ and avoid gluten due to an actual intolerance but I don’t really think of those foods as “safe”; I think of them as okay to allow myself to eat. I have foods that make me feel less guilty, more guilty, that I think of as extremely bad and off limits but will eat from time to time, and foods that I will absolutely not eat under any circumstances... but “safe” food? Guilt free food? I honestly can’t comprehend what that would feel like. It’s mostly just the degree of which I consider a food “bad” or “good” that either increases or decreases the guilt.

Since I don’t feel like my definition of “safe food” really aligns with the most common one, I’m wondering if maybe, it means something a little different to each of us? Or am I just crazy? Haha

---

(Mildly off-topic) I always like to watch shows/movies about mental disorders, maybe to trigger myself. Every time I look for one to watch, I saw people saying Bojack Horseman gets it so right, so I started watching it. Holy shit was everyone right.
/u/IsAFailure
Created: Thu Jun 21 00:28:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8spm3d/mildly_offtopic_i_always_like_to_watch/
---
I’m on episode two right now and the part where he calls the news station after “stealing” muffins from the navy Seal made me feel bad about myself, lmao.

They were chastising him about eating all 12 muffins and he starts talking about how he has no self control and he ate all twelve when he didn’t even want to eat one. God damn this show is already great.

---

[Discussion] DAE punish themselves during their binges with the foods they eat?
/u/flowerette_
Created: Thu Jun 21 00:26:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8splmr/dae_punish_themselves_during_their_binges_with/
---
For example I’ll eat very spicy food so it hurts if I purge, and hurts if I don’t, especially if I have been fasting prior. Or I’ll eat an entire box of fiber brownies knowing full well I will be paying for it later. My life makes me sad.

---

[Help] Eating lemon during a fast?
/u/lightfeathers
Created: Wed Jun 20 23:50:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8spex7/eating_lemon_during_a_fast/
---
Hey guys, I've been fasting for 89 hours and plan to continue. I have a problem with sodium intake though. It's been quite hard to eat 1000mg of sodium (the required intake right?) and I figured eating (more like sucking) lemon wedges would hell me eat more salt as I dip the lemon wedges with a lot of salt.

I'm worried about it irritating my stomach and causing damage to my teeth and it breaking my fast. Can someone help?

---

Salty cuz Bai Antioxidant Infusion Drinks
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Wed Jun 20 23:06:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sp793/salty_cuz_bai_antioxidant_infusion_drinks/
---
I thought it was 5 kcal a bottle, but it's apparently 5 kcal per 8 fl oz. And I have the 18 fl oz bottles. It's not *that* many extra calories but ughhhh.

---

Anybody Else HATE Too Be Asked About Their Ed?
/u/Saltinmylattee
Created: Wed Jun 20 23:03:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sp6jd/anybody_else_hate_too_be_asked_about_their_ed/
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I hate it so much. It actually kinda triggers me somewhat. Like when people find out and ask me why or how it started. Or they try to figure out why I have it in the first place. It drives me mad!

If it's a therapist obviously it bothers me but, that's kinda why I'm in therapy so you know....im talking about people outside of my therapist.

---

[Help] any low calorie frappuccino recipes out there?
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Wed Jun 20 22:54:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sp4ot/any_low_calorie_frappuccino_recipes_out_there/
---
trying to minimize the calories I have during binges. so I want to find low calorie alternatives.

---

what other subreddits are you subbed to?
/u/alliwantisskinny
Created: Wed Jun 20 22:32:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sp09k/what_other_subreddits_are_you_subbed_to/
---
what are your other interests? :)

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[Goal] Lowest weight in years!!
/u/wrinkle-crease
Created: Wed Jun 20 22:28:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sozg0/lowest_weight_in_years/
---
Oh My Gosh I am so happy, today I arrived home for the first time since moving abroad and when my mom picked me up at the airport one of the first things she said was how skinny I looked!! My sister commented that she knew she’d say that (she’s used to getting lots of “too skinny” comments from my mom). and when I saw my brother he also said I lost weight!!! I knew I lost a little weight since moving a few months ago since I have been binging less and working out more, but I don’t have a scale so I didn’t keep track, and I lost 11 LBS!!! I went from 125 to 114 and that was after eating dinner when I got to my moms! I am so happy, I don’t know the last time I weighed this little, and I must not be able to see it cuz I feel like I look the same but regardless I’m so happy to see the number went down! This means I am past my first goal of 115, now I need a new one! And let’s home my family doesn’t force me to eat a lot this week while I’m visiting so I can continue to bask in this glorious feeling 🙃

---

[Discussion] Anybody have experience with liquid diets (Soylent, SlimFast, etc.)?
/u/liskovaa
Created: Wed Jun 20 21:55:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sos2y/anybody_have_experience_with_liquid_diets_soylent/
---
So my coworker introduced me to these protein shakes from Premier Protein (160cal, 30g protein, 1g sugar, “24 vitamins & minerals” lol) and I’m kinda obsessed. I’m EDNOS, mostly bulimic but with restrict/binge tendencies, and my greatest trigger is just food in general. Once I start eating I literally can’t stop. So for the past few days I’ve only been drinking these shakes (approx 3 a day so 480cal overall) and it’s kinda been working for me?? They taste good, actually make me feel full, and don’t trigger a binge bc in my mind it doesn’t register as eating if that makes sense. I guess I was just wondering if anybody else has experience with surviving off meal replacement shakes? I feel pretty good rn but I don’t wanna damage my body more than it already is lol.

---

[Help] Can I rant about something sorta not ED related yet sorta tied into my ED?
/u/Fatalope
Created: Wed Jun 20 21:53:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sorpz/can_i_rant_about_something_sorta_not_ed_related/
---
Feel free to take this down. I just feel like this is a very awesome and welcoming community and this has been passing me off since my fiancee read it to me.


So to start off I am dyslexic more accurately I have dyscalculia (sp?)

So my fiancee found an article with a title similar to "Finally a cure for Dyslexics?"

I was interested, so I had him read it.

No cure, nothing about that, just someone basically saying hey! Use Microsoft word and spell check shit. Also look at me I was actually in a good school and diagnosed young and early and instead of isolating me from my peers and making me feel like a freak and putting me in with special ed and students who needed much more attention and help than I. My school just gave my teachers special instructions and special tools such as an overhead projector that went one line at a time! How cool was that! People actually cared about my education and weren't constantly putting me down and trying to get me into something like cosmetology or wood working because let's be real your dream in the medical field could never be achieved because you have a learning disability and therefore are stupid.

Just ugh. This one article made me realise how much I suffered in school and how much that probs went towards my ed and how no matter what I did I could never be good enough. Got an A- on a spelling test? Well that's awesome all things considering but... do you really deserve it? And look at little Jimmy here with his own more severe LD. He got an A+. Even tho his LD and yours are nothing alike! Get yo shit together.

Sorry for the long rant just ugh.


(No offense to wood workers or cosmotolgists! What yous do is amazing and wonderful it just wasnt for me)

---

Are there any resources for ED treatment/counseling that I don't need insurance for?
/u/strawstring
Created: Wed Jun 20 21:41:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sop3q/are_there_any_resources_for_ed/
---
I really need help. I've been struggling for almost 8 years (probably more like 12/13 tbh) and I'm at a point where I can't handle it anymore. I don't want to spill everything on a text post because it would take way too long, but I know I need help deep down although I can't say I'm ready to just start eating normally. I know an insane amount about nutrition and know what I should be doing but I can't do it yet and I can't find a midway point. I need someone who won't treat me like an idiot and will understand this (sorry if this entire post is going to make zero sense)

I went to a doctor/counselor in high school, stopped for a while, and then my mom made me see a more specialized nutritionist and counselor before going to college. I really liked them, but moved away and couldn't keep going. That was at my highest weight. I'm now down to a normal weight, eat very healthily around people/when I'm eating, and got very into exercise, so on the surface it seems like I've "recovered" to my parents. I most definitely have not, and I know they would be supportive if I wanted to see someone - but I don't want them to worry/really don't want them to know. I don't have any friends that I have told/would tell and I'm not a very open person (which I don't think needs to change, it's just how I am).

I'm living on my own, going into my final year of school, and am on my parents insurance (I'm 21). I don't have the money to see a nutritionist/therapist without insurance, but don't want to use insurance because I cannot prevent my parents from knowing. If I'm going to the doctor more than a few times it would be suspicious.

I really don't know what to do and want to ask for help before my mind changes and I decide I can keep going like this - so if anyone has any tips/experience at all, it would be soooo appreciated! This is the most supportive place I've come across and I know you guys understand <3

---

DAE watch food videos on youtube and feel like binging after?
/u/zeneith
Created: Wed Jun 20 21:29:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8soma3/dae_watch_food_videos_on_youtube_and_feel_like/
---
I watch baking and cooking videos since I'm bored and they tempt me to cook/bake. What scares me is that while I know that can curb my boredom, I am going to binge eat all of that. Even if i stop watching the videos my brain thinks of food all the tine... how can i stop this temptation..

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[Rant/Rave] Stop. Buying. SO MUCH. FOOD. Please let me be.
/u/mu514
Created: Wed Jun 20 21:16:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8soj9l/stop_buying_so_much_food_please_let_me_be/
---
My family is just bringing in so much food into the house. Food like donuts, large sub sandwiches, cookies, chocolate, pie, fried chicken, etc. All high calorie, unhealthy foods. I know for a fact that they do this to encourage me to eat, without really saying anything.

They think I wouldn't be able to resist these foods. I can. But when I do, they push me to eat together with them. So I started eating to satisfy my family. Then purging afterwards until the only thing that comes out is water.

Then when I accidentally cut my knuckles with my teeth, I started chewing and spitting the food. It's a damn travesty.

If anything, because I am so determined not to properly ingest any of these foods, I'm losing a fuckton more weight than usual. More than if I had been normally restricting!

Stop bringing junk into the house. I tell them this, and they don't stop. This all just makes the situation worse. My family is exacerbating my ED, because they cannot just leave me with my own safe foods. I'd eat a semi-normal intake with lots of nutrition if you'd just let me be! I really cannot handle being around high-cal junk!

I am so sorry. I just had to rant somewhere.

---

[Discussion] My blueberry
/u/LnD13313
Created: Wed Jun 20 20:49:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sod0f/my_blueberry/
---
So I’ve been eating mostly nothing but blueberries. Maybe one small meal a day with blueberries. So far everything’s been working out pretty good. I went from 129 to 126. Now if I can just keep it up. Quit soda. Stop eating so much chocolate.
So tired of feeling and looking like this.

---

[Discussion] You've lost a lot of weight, what's wrong?? Are you pregnant?
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Wed Jun 20 20:45:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8soc4w/youve_lost_a_lot_of_weight_whats_wrong_are_you/
---
My mother to me this morning. Is this a joke? Like I still have a belly but not a baby belly. There probably are some women who stress out about being pregnant so they lose weight but that's the FIRST thing she jumps to? I also got asked:

-did you get gang raped
-are you a lesbian
-is school/work stressing you out
-is it something I did

I guess she didn't hear me when I said "I will talk to the therapist about this and you when I am ready."

Feel free to share other reasons people think you lost weight

---

[Help] Does anyone know what this comic is or have a picture of it?
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Wed Jun 20 20:29:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8so862/does_anyone_know_what_this_comic_is_or_have_a/
---
On one side, it's a girl binging and it says "while binging: I wish I had self control" and then on the other side, it's the same girl laying down looking drained and it says "when I'm restricting: I feel like shit, why can't I just eat"

I may have totally butchered it but I really liked it, so if someone knows about it let me know!

---

Binged for a week and...
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Wed Jun 20 20:26:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8so7np/binged_for_a_week_and/
---
Long story short, I had an addiction relapse (smoked a lot of weed). When I smoke, obviously I binge because munchies.

So anyway, the binging was uncontrollable for a week. I finally weighed myself after being horrified and disgusted with myself, and the scale only went up a few pounds! I'm not incredibly happy about it, but I still have lost about 12 pounds in the last two months, so I am a happy camper.

Also I wanna eat tonight but I am fasting, so if anyone wants to motivate me to keep up my hard work until at least tomorrow, I need it.

---

Does anyone take senna tea?
/u/Kummerspeck101
Created: Wed Jun 20 19:48:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8snyqr/does_anyone_take_senna_tea/
---
Does it help at all? What was your appetite like on senna tea? How much did you poop? How much did you drink in a day? I just bought a whole batch and I want to know what I should expect.

Thank you!

---

I’ve fallen back into binge eating and I hate myself
/u/Whose_cat_is_that
Created: Wed Jun 20 19:47:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8snygv/ive_fallen_back_into_binge_eating_and_i_hate/
---
I was doing so well. I restricted for two months with no binges at all. I lost 10kg and was starting to feel happy again.

I was restricting at about 800kcal a day. For the last 2 weeks I’ve just been gorging on fast food and snacks. I didn’t even notice it happen. I gained back 3kg in those two weeks. I actually want to die. I was going so well and I’ve ruined it again.

---

Where do you find fashion that doesn't make you look shapeless? [Rant/Rave]
/u/crystaltartan
Created: Wed Jun 20 19:36:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8snvvs/where_do_you_find_fashion_that_doesnt_make_you/
---
I cannot deal with this. I've been searching for summer shirts for motherfucking YEARS, and femalefashionadvice is no help. It seems like it's filled with people who are in love with this current shapeless goddamn "minimalistic" trend, so that's all I ever see reconmended, even in indie boutiques. I HATE this fashion trend with a rage that makes me start shaking every time I spend HOURS desperately searching online stores. My clothes are wearing out and I don't know what the fuck to do.

I cannot wear shapeless clothes. I cannot. I eat too much because I don't notice quite what an effect it has, then I fast for days, then I binge because duh, I've just deprived myself of food for days. I fucking NEED insanely fitted tops so I can see things like food babies and STOP THINKING IT'S OKAY TO KEEP EATING.

For real, I miss the 2000s. I'm pear-shaped, no boobs, with an hourglass shoulders-waist-shoulders shape, and this means that if my waist is obscured, the smallest part of my body suddenly looks so much bigger and I feel horrible about myself. Low-slung wide-leg pants and long&lean tightly fitted stretch shirts were so flipping perfect. I am not OK with dressing as though I have any fat to conceal around my stomach. I cannot walk through life feeling frumpy and tubby; that amps up all my food issues to the nth degree.

Crop tops are out. I'm 30; I cannot dress like a college student.

Bodysuits baffle me. Why the fuck would you take a perfectly good concept like a shirt and think "I know what'll make this better! I'll make ladies take their shirts off to pee! And they can fill their empty evenings by handwashing the crotches of their shirts!"

Wrap tops - maybe? But that damn tie adds so much bulk to the waist and please, I worked so hard for my waist; I can't walk around looking like I did twenty pounds ago.

Peplum tops - no. I have a really really long waist. Most peplum tops hit me pretty far above my natural waist, so they flare out and don't showcase the actual waist, just... somewhere around the ribcage.

Bra-hiding capabilities, please. I don't think it's too much to ask to be able to wear a bra with a fitted short-sleeved or sleeveless top without the straps showing.

Waist-high pants stress me out, because for real that adds so much bulk to the waistline. Waist-high jeans even add that extra pregnancy-looking bump of that stupid thick zipper flap; they really make me super uncomfortable. Plus the bulk of a belt and tucking in a bulky shirt...ugh, no, please no.

I can't belt my tops because nobody in the US seems to sell women's belts for a 23" waist. I have no idea if altering my leather belts will break my sewing machine, but I'm getting mad enough to just try and see what happens.

Also, vanity sizing is so out of control in the US that pretty much every grown-up women's store will not have pants that won't fall off my ass. My boyfriend's mom gave me a bunch of clothes from Ann Taylor, and I had to return them and give the store credit card to my mom, because that store does not carry clothes small enough to fit me. Same thing with places like Talbots. I have to stick to stores for ladies in their late teens/20s because I don't have the budget for Saks.

I want to bang my head into sheet glass. Winter is OK; I just rely on super small turtlenecks from China. Summer feels like an ungodly frustrating shitstorm. I actually walked four miles the other day in 95-degree weather wearing shorts and a boiling hot winter turtleneck, because apparently I'd rather risk heat stroke than look fat.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, I HATE this. I've wasted so much time online looking for clothes and am so frustrated that I'm stuck between breaking things and bursting into tears.

Do you have similar problems? Tell me I'm not alone in this weirdly specific hangup. How do you deal with wardrobe issues?

---

Have you tried Flat Tummy Lollipops? Do they work?
/u/alexhjones95
Created: Wed Jun 20 19:28:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8snu7u/have_you_tried_flat_tummy_lollipops_do_they_work/
---
I saw Trisha Paytas doing a paid promo for them so I was curious if any of you all have tried them. Do they work? Are they worth it? side effects? thank you

---

[Help] Hey guys I am just at a loss tonight of self hate. I am so petrified for the end of the school year. I want to binge so bad tomorrow and this is all I am thinking about.
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Wed Jun 20 19:24:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8snt4u/hey_guys_i_am_just_at_a_loss_tonight_of_self_hate/
---
I am a teacher and Yay! for most summer is the best. Tomorrow is the last day of school and I am petrified as it always turns into a binge episode. It is all I can think about right now. I want oreos and peanut butter, fries, swedish fish and sour patch kids, and so much more. I don't know what to do and am freaking out. I have been high calorie restricting the past few days to try and stop it but these thoughts are all consuming.

The past few years I did project grad. but there were no more chaperone spots left. It would make me tired enough and postpone the binge so it wasn't as bad. I am so anxious and want all this food.

I plan to lax tomorrow night into Friday since I want a weigh in soon, it's been a month and I hope I made progress, I feel like I did but IDK. I just want my weigh in to not be full of so much food.

I am so scared for lack of structure and am trying to get things together but it is so hard. I had a summer job last year but for some reason it made things worse since the scheduling is not like my career job.

Honestly I am desperate right now to binge and also desperate since I do not want to at all.

I hate my brain right now. I have been doing well but tomorrow I feel is crashing down on me so hard.

I could just binge and lax. but I feel defeated right now. I want to work, I want to continue my job, I hate having summers off. This is so bad right now. Maybe go to the gym all the time for the day and just burn every calorie I can until I die. I am having such a bad anxiety attack.

This is ridiculous I know and I am sorry everyone. I just needed help and I needed to type it out and put it somewhere. Thank you for being here.

---

[Rant/Rave] Just broke under 130 since I became overweight in middle school!
/u/semperxvivum
Created: Wed Jun 20 19:11:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8snq45/just_broke_under_130_since_i_became_overweight_in/
---
I've been flirting with 130-135 for two damn months and finally I had the self control to restrict very tightly the last three days. Finally - finally! 129.6, and this is after a day of fluids. I always weigh my least first thing in the morning, so tomorrow might be even better!

Aaaah!

---

I hate my family
/u/qwrty3
Created: Wed Jun 20 18:55:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8snmeu/i_hate_my_family/
---
My family is the most dysfunctional family in the world. I can’t stand it, they stress me out and annoy me so much, and just being a part of my family has messed me up in so many ways. Every second with them is stressful.

They also make every meal miserable. I feel like I’m on display ever time I eat. I binge a lot and every time anyone in my family sees me eat anything besides a dinner we all have together, they judge me super hard and mock me. Getting food is such a chore and it’s so exhausting mentally because I have to try to hide it and it sucks because I still end up binging daily.

I can’t handle it. They get mad at for eating to little, then get mad at me for eating too much. Yesterday my mom yelled at me for eating all of these cookies that were supposed to be for the whole family and told me that I have to start eating less, then later when she asked me if I wanted her to make me dinner and I said no, she got mad at me, made it anyway, and forced me to eat it. She’s always forcing me to eat more and more, but everytime I eat when she doesn’t want me too apparently I’m some kind of monster.

I don’t know what to do. All of this stress is making my life so difficult and it’s not like I can move out or anything since I’m still a minor.

---

[Help] It's binge o'clock guys
/u/gnatthebunny
Created: Wed Jun 20 18:54:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8snm8q/its_binge_oclock_guys/
---
Ugh. I went 6 weeks straight eating waaay below maintenance and losing some serious weight, and today I failed miserably. I'm so scared I'm not going to stop again, last time it lasted like 4 months. I hate this shit so much. I just want to eat everything and I want to eat nothing and I just fucking hate food so much. :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Weight hasn't moved in a week (except up and then back down the same few lbs) and I'm furious.
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Wed Jun 20 18:32:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8snh6h/weight_hasnt_moved_in_a_week_except_up_and_then/
---
For a while now I've pretty effortlessly been losing weight right as the CICO calculators predicted. I had actually been a pound ahead of the calculator for about 3 weeks now (I have fat to give so it was easy to lose). This past week, however, all progress stopped.

On top of this, I've also been FEELING hungry for the first time since... April(?) and the EC stack hasn't been as effective (and i'm scared to up it any).

I let myself have a higher calorie day thinking it would be what I needed and that just made me a bloated constipated mess. I was up 3lbs, took some laxative, lost ALMOST all the weight I had gained, but not all of it. Today I was back at the same weight as last week.

The devil's weight. 166.6.
I had nightmares about it all night. The rational part of my brain has been going through the usual consolations and explanations... but it doesn't stop me from feeling so irritated about it.

Anyways. Rant over.

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else at their goal weight and still feel fat?
/u/astra2018
Created: Wed Jun 20 18:31:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sngvv/is_anyone_else_at_their_goal_weight_and_still/
---
My bmi is 18.0 now, and Im technically ‘underweight’. Size extra small is fitting me somewhat baggy because i’m verry short, but I still feel fat. It makes me wonder how I look to the rest of the world. I was never overweight, so never looked overweight or was on the i scale, but I still see myself as ‘thick’ like I was always called before. There was a point when I first lost weight and I saw my hipbones and flatter stomach and felt so good about myself. I felt so skinny. Now i’m even thinner than i was then and I constantly feel like a fat whale. I know if i lose more weight it’ll definitely just make me completely flat chested and flat butted, but i’m still tempted to see at what weight I’ll finally see myself as skinny. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel so abnormal.

---

[Academic Study] Ethnicity, Body Image, and Health Behaviors (18-25 year olds living in the United States)
/u/WildSe7enBoi91
Created: Wed Jun 20 18:22:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8snelp/academic_study_ethnicity_body_image_and_health/
---
Hello, everyone. I have been conducting an academic study on the relationships between ethnicity, body image, and health behaviors for a while now. I now have 485 participants which is an awesome milestone, but if you could help me and even get the news out more, that'd help tons! The link should lead to a survey that will take about 1 hour to complete max. Thank you so much!

---

[Help] *Trigger Warning* Mental Health/Psych Hold
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Wed Jun 20 18:18:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sndpo/trigger_warning_mental_healthpsych_hold/
---
Can anybody in the Chicago area PM me the best hospitals for a voluntary psych hold? I need to go in specifically after the 24th. I’m not at risk before then but it’s imperative that I go soon.

Thank you.

---

DAE get bothered by stuff they cannot change?
/u/2girly4me
Created: Wed Jun 20 18:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8snc0z/dae_get_bothered_by_stuff_they_cannot_change/
---
I can change my weight all I want. I can do whatever exercise I want for as long as I want. But my bones will always stay the same shape. I might have a couple more years of slightly changing them, but for the most part, they will always make me this tall and wide-framed girl in the mirror.

I look at myself and can sometimes ignore fat and skin. But I am really bothered that I can't become shorter.

---

Juuling for appetite suppressant?
/u/coffeeanddietcokee
Created: Wed Jun 20 18:06:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sna93/juuling_for_appetite_suppressant/
---
Does anyone here juul? If so, has it had an impact on your weightloss? I want to get one, but I won't bother spending the money if it doesn't help. Thanks!

---

looking for a restriction accountability buddy (400 cal)
/u/crenegade
Created: Wed Jun 20 18:03:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sn9k6/looking_for_a_restriction_accountability_buddy/
---
[removed]

---

Forced recovery makes me constantly suicidal.
/u/beluga_fail
Created: Wed Jun 20 17:59:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sn8ma/forced_recovery_makes_me_constantly_suicidal/
---
I was forced inpatient due to increased depression and because my bulimia was getting really Bad. I was b/p'ing up to 7 times a day and really couldn't hide it from my parents well anymore. I refused to talk much in inpatient and was then put in a residential program. I started cooperating because residential is fucking boring and depressing.

I decided to recover from the ED enough to get my parents off my back. I can't hide it from them anymore. I swore up and down that I'd stop purging and participate in my therapy and follow my meal plan.

Spent ten days in the residential before being discharged. I'm in an ED partial program now, trying to get discharged still. My parents lock all bathrooms except their own and make me stay downstairs after meals. But the must humiliating thing is that they literally locked up almost all the food so I basically can't binge.

This is the perfect recipe for weight loss. I can eat enough to keep them off my backs and still manage to purge by sneaking outside with a plastic bag or biking to the gas station near my house. I'm being subtle about it because being caught would mean being sent back to residential.

But I'm petrified of gaining any weight. Because I can only use the bathroom in my parents' room, I have perfect access to the scale to obsessively monitor my weight. If I gain, I have no doubt that I'll attempt suicide again. My body makes me sick. I'm so fucking sick.

I'm so selfish, too. This is ruining my family. My mom is constantly stressed about me, my girlfriend had daily anxiety attacks when I was in residential/inpatient, and my older brother (16) is developing an ED too on top of everything. My life is pathetic and revolves around my obsession with food. And dying would make that all go away.

---

[Discussion] DAE eat a stupid amount once accidentally binging?
/u/backup4reelz
Created: Wed Jun 20 17:57:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sn7zu/dae_eat_a_stupid_amount_once_accidentally_binging/
---
Once I accidentally go over my calorie limits for the day I go into pure 'fuck it' mode and end up eating like 3000 or more. If I eat like 605 out of 600 I might as well eat an entire pizza. Go big or go home, yknow?

---

[Rant/Rave] I wish comments from others didn’t have such a huge impact on my thoughts and behaviors.
/u/deadlylikesugar
Created: Wed Jun 20 17:44:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sn5m4/i_wish_comments_from_others_didnt_have_such_a/
---
I also wish people would just keep their thoughts to themselves.... but I realize it’s more realistic to learn how to control how much I let them affect me instead.

Due to a combo of anxiety, pressure to eat, and a little more happiness in my life, I’ve gained some weight (not exactly sure how much because I’ve been too afraid to weigh in) in the last month or so. I’m sure, as most of you probably already guessed, it’s been extremely difficult, to say the least. Although rationally I know I’m not technically “fat”, I still feel like a failure...and a whale. To add insult to injury, my period is back, which I know I should see as a good thing....but, ya know how that goes. And, although everyone in my life was encouraging me to gain weight (which was a problem on its own), the shame I feel when I can tell they notice I’ve gained is incomprehensible.

Anyway, I waitress at a restaurant that primarily serves high carb/fat dishes and the other day while I was working (a day when I was feeling particularly large), a woman asked me, “How do you stay so skinny working at a place like this?” While it was extremely flattering, I was more taken aback than anything. I’ve thought about her comment almost nonstop since - wondering how I could possibly look skinny to others while simultaneously feeling like a certified blob.

Now, this next comment really threw me. My brother, who I haven’t seen since before I started gaining, said to me, “Why are you so skinny? I mean, I can tell you’ve gained weight since the last time I saw you, but you still look too skinny.” I literally wanted to just curl up and die on the spot. The fact that he openly admitted that I had noticeably gained was a stab to the chest on its own. But then for him to still seem concerned that I’m “too” skinny.....just....left me feeling so confused about how to process his comment.

Ugh. Sorry this post is so ramble-y. It’s just that, my mind is my worst enemy 10/10 times and I feel so confused and conflicted. I can’t make sense of anything. My mixed and confused feelings have me hardcore cycling between the intense urge to binge, and the desire to starve and fast for days - no in between. It’s exhausting. Im exhausted. I just want to be normal. Thank you for reading. :( ❤️

---

Has anyone tried cool sculpting or lipo??
/u/VisualBlizzard
Created: Wed Jun 20 17:42:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sn53w/has_anyone_tried_cool_sculpting_or_lipo/
---
I saw adds on Groupon for cool sculpting and I’m wondering if anyone tried it with good results?? I’m desperate at this point and if I can’t lose fat by restricting then I’m gonna pay for it to be removed

---

[Discussion] What are your safe foods?
/u/SpeckledCollie
Created: Wed Jun 20 17:29:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sn1ur/what_are_your_safe_foods/
---
The things that I can eat with no guilty feelings and no binge triggers are:

Hard boiled eggs
Spinach
Cans of soup
Almost any veg (potato is a bit too hard rn)
Almost any fruit (no mango for me)
Hot chocolate with almond milk
Fish

I cannot have pasta, cheese, bread, chocolate or crisps...I just won't stop.

What about you?

---

[Help] how to prevent overeating at dinner party
/u/crenegade
Created: Wed Jun 20 17:27:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sn18n/how_to_prevent_overeating_at_dinner_party/
---
have a horrible habit of binge eating whenever there’s unhealthy food available. i’ve lost around 6kg over the past few months (67.5-61) and really want to lose another 5!!!!!!
but the problem is i am good at eating well when i’m by myself without temptation!

i am hosting a dinner party tomorrow (literally have been putting off for months and months) and everyone is coming over to help me cook as it’s a lot of food.

i am so scared i will indulge like i did today (3000kcal) and yesterday (1600 kcal).

the menu is super calorific and knowing me i will be nibbling throughout the day too.

what kinds of things can i do to avoid overeating (eating at all) and not have people get on to me. pls help i can’t stop thinking about it.

also advice on losing 5kgs in 10days if any exists lol thank you all :(

---

Got back down to my old HW!
/u/tanoren
Created: Wed Jun 20 17:22:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sn04e/got_back_down_to_my_old_hw/
---
I'm super excited. After a surgery and a really stressful senior year, I stopped exercising and went from 108 at my lowest (surgical complications, dehydration), past my normal weight of 113-117, all the way up to 138 lbs.

Well, my freshman year of college I went from 138 to 127. I hit a plateau for a month or two but just hit 122 today! Yay! I'm at what used to be my "Winter weight". Already have my thigh gap back and forgot how painful it can be to sit for too long.

My goal is to get back to my old 117-113, I'll be fine then. And be able to fit into my old clothes :)

---

[Other] I might get a donut before I go inpatient, maybe it’ll motivate me
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Wed Jun 20 17:18:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8smz04/i_might_get_a_donut_before_i_go_inpatient_maybe/
---
I love donuts. Specifically Dunkin’ Donuts strawberry frosted and I used to eat them all the time, now it’s been at least a month. I’ve been very reluctant to go to treatment. So I thought before I don’t have the opportunity to get one and maybe my rekindled love will motive me to want to get so I can eat them without feeling bad.
But the idea terrifies me and I am determined to get to my goal weight. But that scares everyone so idk what to do. I wanna reviver for everyone but myself... and my donuts and pizza. Yet now I’m starting to not despise my body as much. So I’m afraid to gain and hate it again. So many contradictions and nothing seems to add up.
So we’ll see if I eat the donut.

---

[Goal] Holding myself accountable and starting fresh
/u/undertheweather123
Created: Wed Jun 20 17:01:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8smup5/holding_myself_accountable_and_starting_fresh/
---
Okay, so lately I have been in a seemingly non-stop, horrible binge/purge phase, and as a result have gained 3-5 pounds (it fluctuates so I’m not sure exactly how much tbh).

However, tomorrow is the first day of summer, and it seems like the perfect time to start fresh and began high restriction (1200) and hopefully work my way back down to where I was before (500).

I am obviously disappointed that I have gained weight rather than lost, but I’m trying really hard not to focus on the, and instead focus on ending this b/p cycle before I gain even more weight.

I’m just posting this to hold myself accountable, but any words of encouragement are welcomed lol.

I’m currently back up to 125 and I’m hoping by July 21 I’ll be at least 120!

Wish me luck :)

---

[Help] I'm going to purge. I have to. After years of not doing it I feel like right now I need to
/u/madeinny88
Created: Wed Jun 20 16:26:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8smlxy/im_going_to_purge_i_have_to_after_years_of_not/
---
I'm going to purge. I ate too many cookies. I'm already over 125 and I cannot go any higher. I need to purge right now. I haven't in years. I've always been able to get through the urges. But this time I think I'm really going to . I can't keep this in me. I can't I can't I can't I can't.

---

Time to redecorate
/u/throwaway-soph
Created: Wed Jun 20 16:21:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8smkim/time_to_redecorate/
---
https://i.redd.it/7d3mus3zd8511.jpg

---

I don't know if I have an ed.
/u/Skullqween
Created: Wed Jun 20 15:56:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8smdyu/i_dont_know_if_i_have_an_ed/
---
Hey, been lurking a little while. I don't know if I have an ed, and don't want to post too much bc I don't know if this is my place. I figured I'd make a long, self indulgent intro post and let y'all judge?


I was pretty into thinspo as a teen, like basically everyone. I was at around 120.


We were food insecure at home, so when I got to college I ate the entire dining hall, and got to 150. I got into MFP and alternated between 1200 a day and massive binges for several years. Lowest there is about 130.


Now I'm in my late 20s, and coming out of a two year depression-fueled body positivity experiment, which got me close to 170.


My depression has receded. I've gotten into veganism and IF, and I've dropped down to almost 150 in a couple months.


I don't think I have an eating disorder so much as disordered eating. Mostly because everyone I know, male and female, struggles with binging, heavy restriction, and negative self-image to some extent.


I don't even constantly hate what I see in the mirror, but I know I am literally overweight, and I cringe at pictures of my self that aren't intentionally flattering selfies. And lately going OMAD and sub 1200 calories a day is way easier than trying to be "healthy" and eating 1200-1400.


I also feel like people in other diet subs don't really acknowledge all the crazy thoughts and behaviors I know I have around food.

---

[Rant/Rave] One of the few good things about being sick...
/u/LaConnasse
Created: Wed Jun 20 15:54:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8smdaw/one_of_the_few_good_things_about_being_sick/
---
Bronchitis does not have many perks, but when the overall congestion and sinus problems that accompany it cause you to lose your sense of taste, food becomes less enticing.

In other news, I'm coughing up what feels like both of my lungs. Fav tea recommendations welcome and appreciated.

---

Bf
/u/Firerose157
Created: Wed Jun 20 15:37:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sm8kg/bf/
---
Bf choosing porn over me and hiding it so i stick around? With my weight loss, he touches me less and is overall much less attracted to me which is clear with our lack of intimacy and affection on his part. He turns me down and waits for me to sleep to do what he does. Its causing night terror/panic attacks. Ive had nightmares since i was a kid, and had bad experiences with someone regularly when they thought i was asleep. This is probably the source of most of my mental problems and has caused me to breakdown after finding out what my bf is doing (pretending to sleep then porn instead of me, and gets really mean and lies when i catch him). I cant sleep right, i want to wash and scrub my skin like as a kid. I cant stand his fake compliments and feeling ugly to the man that is everything to me. Its bringing me closer to purging and makes it hard not to break my promise to him that i wont cut. I know i cant continue this. Its crazy but i feel similar to when i was being touched by that friend. I hate myself

---

Am I Restricting or Am I Binging?
/u/kat-official
Created: Wed Jun 20 15:35:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sm7vh/am_i_restricting_or_am_i_binging/
---
sunday - 150 calories

monday - 1500 calories

tuesday - 300 calories

wednesday - 2000 calories

It's exam week here ... sometimes i wonder if I'm even really sick, I 'have' anorexia but binge everytime i feel an emotion ... happy, sad, stressed, doesn't matter. I only am able to keep to restriction when I'm numb enough to, and this week I haven't been. I'm still losing weight ... Is there a word for this behaviour? am I too sporadic to really be sick? I feel so fucking fat when I eat like a normal person, too skinny when I go too long restricting. I just wanna be pretty skinny. I don't want my boyfriend commenting on my ribcage, but I want a flat tummy, and I don't want abs... but I get above BMI 19 and feel like a cow, below BMI 19 and get so terrified people are judging my ED. I don't know

---

[Rant/Rave] My week has been so awful
/u/MiauMiau1919
Created: Wed Jun 20 15:15:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sm2el/my_week_has_been_so_awful/
---
I was actually doing super well before this week: my boyfriend was finally back around after I hadn't seen him in 5mo; I was feeling really ok in terms of my ED; I was getting into regular exercise again; etc. Just everything getting good.

Then finals week hit (this week). Then my period hit. Then my boyfriend dumped me yesterday just shy of our 2-year anniversary. Any one of those already destroys my diet and my mental fortitude. Together... Smh. I've been eating so awful and it's going to turn into purging soon probably.

AND I don't have a boyfriend now. Whatever no man, no problems. ^(Except like not really at all.)

---

[Help] My ED is tearing my boyfriend and I apart
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Wed Jun 20 14:45:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sltqa/my_ed_is_tearing_my_boyfriend_and_i_apart/
---
It has been multiple times my boyfriend and I have had heavy discussions about my eating habits and it ends up with both of us crying and him getting upset. I don’t know what to do. I can’t help that I’m this way and I want to want to get better, but at the same time I don’t. I’m trying so hard to fight against myself despite me not wanting help so I can make my boyfriend happy and not have to cry or stress over my problems. What should I do? How do I get better while also losing weight?

---

I don't think I actually have body dysmorphia
/u/am_i_the_grasshole
Created: Wed Jun 20 14:00:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8slg99/i_dont_think_i_actually_have_body_dysmorphia/
---
I think really it's a combination of factors, that lead to what seems like body dysmorphia.

1. The culture in general has put out a very incorrect idea of what underweight looks like. Before know better, when I would think underweight, we imagine the anorexia PSA bonespo looking type of person. Like I would picture BMI 12 being what someone BMI 17 looks like, because that's primarily what we've been shown as the image of an underweight person.

2. What BMI 16-18 actually looks like is often shown as healthy in the media.

And 3. I think I have an unreasonably small bone structure. I think this because I wear a size 0, but I don't have any visible bone anywhere, not even rib cage. My ring size is 4.5 which is almost the smallest you can get. My thighs still touch all the way down to the knee when I stand with my feet together and now shoes. So even though I have small measurements now, my proportions and the way it all comes together doesn't look very small, because maybe my bone structure is just so small that I'd have to be around BMI 15 to look anywhere near underweight.

Because I do think I see myself pretty accurately, and my understanding of what I look like doesn't change too much.

---

[Intro] Hail and well met, my dudes
/u/dietdisorder
Created: Wed Jun 20 13:40:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8slai4/hail_and_well_met_my_dudes/
---
Hello all. I’m 23-year-old cis woman, and I guess you’d classify me as having EDNOS. This is the first time I’m really putting it out there that I have a legit eating disorder, and that’s kind of....nice actually. I’ve been in denial for a long time about it, so to be able to tell someone/anyone is a relief. I also have some pretty severe anxiety issues, so being able to come to terms with my ED as being a major part of it is key to my mental health, I think. I’m not really interested in recovery right now. I’m at a healthy BMI (on the higher side because I weight-lift and have a lot of muscle), so health isn’t even close to a concern. Plus, I live with my long time boyfriend, so I don’t want him to have any idea about it. I come from a long line of mentally unhealthy individuals, and his whole family is the white picket fence, stay at home mom, dads a lawyer, they’re still married kind of well-adjusted that you see on TV, so the last thing I want to do is to key him in on my growing list of mental illnesses. Plus, if he knew it’d be hard to convince him to exercise with me and eat all my leftovers. There’s a sort of freedom to him not knowing. He has NO idea what sort of eating behaviors are problematic. (My sweet, precious, clueless boy. Haha) Anyway, I guess I just wanted to make an official intro to recognize that I consider myself a true member here! Thanks y’all!

---

My LD BF told me he didn't like people who were overweight. Now I'm freaking out because I'm a whale. (TW/Rant)
/u/Jumpstartmytitty
Created: Wed Jun 20 13:36:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sl9jb/my_ld_bf_told_me_he_didnt_like_people_who_were/
---
We've been talking and seeing each other over the past few months online. He's seen selfies of me but not body shots as I'm not comfortable yet. We had a discussion where he said he didn't like people who were grossly overweight because it wasn't healthy etc and all I kept thinking was "omg that's what I am".
I've been feeling gross and insecure all day. He always is super positive towards me and calls me beautiful etc. But after last night. My appetite has gone and all I keep thinking is that I'm a huge fraud. Because when he realises I'm gross, he's gonna go running.
Its sent me into a spiral where all I want to do is just starve myself because I'm so disgusted with myself.

---

[Help] I fucked up by telling my boyfriend about my ED
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Wed Jun 20 13:24:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sl623/i_fucked_up_by_telling_my_boyfriend_about_my_ed/
---
Just as the title says. He knewI struggled with anorexia before and believed I was fully recovered (lol) until I opened up about my relapse.

He’s very kind and cares about my wellbeing a bunch. Now he wants me to give him a total of how many calories I consumed every day. I can’t lie to him, or I’ll feel really guilty. We agreed that we’d work my way back up to 1200 calories, starting at 800.

What do I do? I don’t want him to suddenly ghost me because he couldn’t handle it, etc. I also really don’t want to recover.

---

[Rant/Rave] Imagine a world where diet pills work
/u/handzies
Created: Wed Jun 20 13:00:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8skyv8/imagine_a_world_where_diet_pills_work/
---
Slip into an indulgent fantasy with me right quick where dieting pills actually do what they claim and make you loose 5 pounds in one week just by taking it without harmful side effects (cough cough speed and ECstack)

I just heard a commercial where it was like "call a medical professional if you loose too much fat" oh advertising you absolute tart I fricking wish. Is there actually some one out there taking that and being like "Oh dear oh me, my fat! Ive lost too much of my dear fat! How could this have done this to me!"

Im confuse.

Like seriously. If I could just take some pills and lose weight magically, that would be fantastic. I once took a wight loss pull that eventually made my poop white, but apprently thats a big medical no-no. But that low weight it made me hit thooo.

Rant aside, does anyone take any weight loss suppliments they enjoy? What are they and what do they do?

---

Lost a lot of weight, guys want me now
/u/Thecaretakerjohanna
Created: Wed Jun 20 12:03:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ski8o/lost_a_lot_of_weight_guys_want_me_now/
---
I thought this would solve all me problems. I’ve lost a lot of weight, ~70lbs. Of course no one would even look at me before. And now they do. I thought my only problem was my weight, but no, turns out it’s me. I’m good enough for sex but not for a relationship. I’m so in love with him.
And he doesn’t want me.
And it’s not because of my weight.
So I guess I don’t have to starve myself anymore.
Unless
Unless I just keep going until I hit my ugw and see what happens. Because that’s surely going to change something.
I’m just so sad, and this not eating bullshit is all I’ve got going for me at the moment.


You’d think that losing this much weight would help. But in reality I’ve never felt fatter and uglier.


See you all in 30 pounds.

---

[Rant/Rave] Next few days are going to be hard
/u/cas215
Created: Wed Jun 20 11:05:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sk0lx/next_few_days_are_going_to_be_hard/
---
I have dinner w/ parents tonight and tomorrow and lunch w/ grandparents friday and im so worried. Saturday i can fast because i work all day, but sunday is a travel day and idl how to ignore snacks for my flight. Candy and chips are my weakness and the thought of these next few days is so stressful

---

I'm at my new psychiatrist office and I just remembered they're gonna weigh me once I go in and..
/u/toriaponte12
Created: Wed Jun 20 11:03:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sjzxg/im_at_my_new_psychiatrist_office_and_i_just/
---
I can't tell them to not tell me what I weigh bc then they'll know I have a disorder so I guess I have to suck it up and see the number and die 🙃

---

EDs don’t go away so I’ll kill myself
/u/chriseema
Created: Wed Jun 20 11:02:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sjzf3/eds_dont_go_away_so_ill_kill_myself/
---
All other mental illnesses come in waves. I know because I have many. And the treatment for them is fairly transparent about that. You will have good days and bad days. But with an ED, it’s a willful obsession. I wake up thinking about food. I go to sleep thinking about food. I miss out on my life thinking about food. I thought about food at my college graduation, at the birth of my nephew, on my first date. I NEVER think anything is more important than food. And I’ve been living this way for 6 years. There’s no way out besides suicide. Every time I read online “the ED thoughts never really go away!” I am pushed closer and closer to the end. Depression is easier. It happens once or twice a month and I can make it go away. An ED is present every waking moment of my life. My ED is making me fat and sad. I want out. I can’t take it anymore.

---

I hate the expression "If you want to know what a girl's going to look like, look at her mother."
/u/ExceedinglySadKitty
Created: Wed Jun 20 10:54:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sjwxd/i_hate_the_expression_if_you_want_to_know_what_a/
---
I don't want that to happen to me. It terrifies me.

---

this stuff is seriously a godsend. i think its like 6 cals for the bottle.
/u/pistachiocreams
Created: Wed Jun 20 10:46:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sjuqk/this_stuff_is_seriously_a_godsend_i_think_its/
---
https://i.redd.it/1ei7ibv9q6511.jpg

---

anyone else attracted to bigger ppl while wanting to be as thin as possible? just me?
/u/callmecasady
Created: Wed Jun 20 10:33:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sjr24/anyone_else_attracted_to_bigger_ppl_while_wanting/
---
im so confusing honestly

im exclusively attracted to guys nd girls who are on the bigger side

i just like thiccness i guess but i also want to be a skeleton? so fucking confused at how my brain works like um.

---

I found a delicious, filling, low cal pastry
/u/crema-catalana
Created: Wed Jun 20 10:23:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sjnvo/i_found_a_delicious_filling_low_cal_pastry/
---
Walmart Persian cinnamon rolls!

They're absolutely delicious, only 150 calories each, and quite large. 13 grams of fat.

I could eat these all day they're almost perfection.

---

[Rant/Rave] Sibling’s meal
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Wed Jun 20 10:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sjk22/siblings_meal/
---
An update on the meal I was forced:

It was an absolute shambles.

The first course was massive with a HUGE chunk of bread. I had restricted breakfast so allowed myself half a bowl of soup and the bread. Luckily the soup bowl was deep so I could hide it.
The main was atrocious and I almost cried. A massive cheesy mess with oily pesto and masses of stuffed white pasta. I ate the greens, peas and some of the sauce and mushed the rest as to hide it.
For dessert I cut up bits of cheese and had three small biscuits with apricot jam.

I managed to run to the bathroom and purge without it being too obvious but I feel disgusting and hate myself so very much. Everyone kept commenting and it was horrifying. I can’t deal.

---

[Rant/Rave] CT scan barium drinks
/u/fattie_magoo
Created: Wed Jun 20 09:47:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sjd01/ct_scan_barium_drinks/
---
So I stupidly looked up the calories in this barium contrast drink I have to have for a CT scan and it is like 550 calories!! And the receptionist just told me I have to drink another bottle in an hour. Ack whyyyy! Just kill me now!

Scan is not ED related FYI and I really want this scan but I just can’t handle these drinks. It also tastes like total ballsack I am sitting here plugging my nose to drink it and gagging. Literally trying not to vomit. It tastes worse than Ensure. Guess today is gonna be a binge day?

---

[Other] DAE find eating with chopsticks helps restriction?
/u/RiggaMorris1
Created: Wed Jun 20 09:32:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sj8n9/dae_find_eating_with_chopsticks_helps_restriction/
---
I’m on holiday in Asia right now and I’m trying not to restrict and enjoy the food. I’m eating more than usual but not finishing my meals and I find eating with chopsticks makes this so much easier! It might be because I eat slower or maybe because I can’t be bothered to keep grabbing rice but it feels so good! I only have to eat half the meal and feel satisfied thanks to these little sticks of happiness!

---

[Rant/Rave] Buying food for a whole group of people and then eating it all by yourself
/u/Plz_Can_You_Not
Created: Wed Jun 20 09:31:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sj8hh/buying_food_for_a_whole_group_of_people_and_then/
---
So had a Netflix night with me and three other friends. I like buying food so others can enjoy it while I watch. So I bought nachos, chocolate and grapes for four people.

Well these guys are some healthy fuckers and only ate the grapes with me so when they left the nachos and chocolate were intact.

Fair enough, haven't eaten anything all day, I can have one square of chocolate.

I proceed to eat the entire 700 calorie bar and devour the 1000 calorie pack of nachos. On the bright side I have no more food in my house so I can't go over my calorie limit.

Funny how what was an excellent fasting day until 4pm changed in the matter of literally five minutes lol.

Anyone else had similar things happen?

---

What do you do/eat to stop binges?
/u/qwrty3
Created: Wed Jun 20 09:12:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sj2ww/what_do_you_doeat_to_stop_binges/
---
I have a major binging issue. I binge on everything, or at least everything I eat triggers a binge. My biggest binge foods are cookies, protein bars, pizza, etc. but I honestly just binge on everything and I have to stop. I feel so bad, I live with my family and we have to go grocery shopping like every other day now because the food gets eaten that fast.

Coffee used to make me lose my appetite. It doesn’t anymore. I drink tons of water, it doesn’t really help.

There has to be a way to stop this. Does anyone have any suggestions?

---

[Other] Starting my first fast today.
/u/luxmagicka
Created: Wed Jun 20 09:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sj1yk/starting_my_first_fast_today/
---
I'm so sick of worrying about what and when I eat and feeling like shit every time I eat. I just want to go without for a while. Aiming for 8 am Friday to eat again (about 46 hours). Any tips? Wish me luck.

---

[Discussion] DAE have their day made when there’s more than the usual selection of diet drinks in a shop?
/u/ewhelena
Created: Wed Jun 20 09:07:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sj1j2/dae_have_their_day_made_when_theres_more_than_the/
---
i was feeling especially shitty after shopping for clothes today but apparently buying excessive amounts of hair care & finding another shop that sells diet cherry coke & doesn’t ask for id for cigs can turn sobbing in a fitting room into my usual numb self hatred

---

[Rant/Rave] My scale at home is a lie!?
/u/sucrederable
Created: Wed Jun 20 08:40:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sitmh/my_scale_at_home_is_a_lie/
---
Had a physical today and they clocked me at 10 POUNDS! above what my scale says at home.

I'm really depressed right now. Ugh!

---

[Help] My eating disorder said I need to gain at least 0.5kg one week from now or else she is going to admit me into the hospital
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Wed Jun 20 08:33:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sirtb/my_eating_disorder_said_i_need_to_gain_at_least/
---
Not sure what to do... its hard enough for me to gain, how am i supposed to convince myself to eat normally and gain? I really dont wish to be admitted for treatment. i dont want to gain weight.. im helpless. most people around me wants recovery for me but i find it so hard. i love restricting so much. my brain is in conflict between becoming better and being in my ed state. i also just started a new job and i dont want my boss to know about my ed, i am scared to be fired if i am being forced to stay in the hospital for weeks... send help..

---

[Help] ortho binge
/u/radiofairy
Created: Wed Jun 20 08:11:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sim35/ortho_binge/
---
So I have this habit of like eating super large quantities of low cal food, and I get so filled up but it triggers this little binge devil inside me because I'm really not used to being full and satisfied unless I eat a shit ton of food. So I'll start with a bunch of celery or cucumber, and then I'll be like a tablespoon of hummus can't hurt and all the food gets progressively unhealthier, yet I still maintain a certain standard of low caloric/healthy and I eat SO. MUCH OF IT. Obviously it's better than eating loads of junk, but it still makes me want to purge, and it's really tough throwing up a bunch of raw veggies like it's legit just nasty leafs in the toilet. I feel like a binge eater is just who I am, no matter how much I manage to lose. Im always gonna feel like I won't ever have a good relationship with food and manage to be skinny. No matter how well I'm doing in a day I'll get full off of a great 50 cal meal that I prepped or something and I still can't ever have any control. it's better for me to just not eat anything at all for this reason and it sucks):

---

[Rant/Rave] i feel really bad for this but i need to get it out
/u/clemintide
Created: Wed Jun 20 08:03:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sijr4/i_feel_really_bad_for_this_but_i_need_to_get_it/
---
my younger sister (like 2 years younger than me) left her messages between someone up on the computer that my family shares and it’s not even like i was “snooping” the chat was right up and it was right there on the screen anyways what she said confirmed my suspicions of her having an ed (she so obviously displayed the warning signs).

we already don’t have that great of a relationship so instead of feeling bad i just feel more mad than anything and now i feel like i need to compete with her to be the best. this feels like “my thing” as dumb as that sounds, and i don’t want her having what i have. it feels like motivation if anything. has anyone else been through this before? i feel really bad about how i feel but i can’t feel anything else besides this?? i know it’s wrong but idk i can’t help it.

---

How to get help and support
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Wed Jun 20 07:51:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8siglh/how_to_get_help_and_support/
---
So I decided to go for recovery. I met with a psychatrist who just gave me a SSRI. Which steps can I take to get better? I'm going in for a job interview tomorrow (dream job, at least before the ED) and really would like my life and brain back. Should I see a psychologist, dietician?

---

[Goal] i drew my favourite thinspo
/u/cottonlung
Created: Wed Jun 20 07:50:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sighr/i_drew_my_favourite_thinspo/
---
https://imgur.com/a/WWxcjkn

---

i don’t feel disgusted by fat people, but when i look at myself I’m mortified??
/u/absoluteunits
Created: Wed Jun 20 07:26:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sia77/i_dont_feel_disgusted_by_fat_people_but_when_i/
---
idk i see a lot of people here like “I feel like a hypocrite judging overweight people while I myself do x y and z” but I’ve never found myself relating to that at all? if anything, it’s like the opposite, im bisexual and I’ve always been attracted to heavier men and women as far back as I can remember. To an extent, mind you, like, I have an upper limit but... for example, my ex was upwards of 200 lbs at one point and I thought he looked best that way? he lost a lot of weight and I still thought he was handsome, still, but you know?

but then when it comes to me, I touch my chubby lambchop-sleeve looking upper arms and my gut and I’m like “wow, I’m revolting, this is horrible” despite me finding that fine on other people? this is the highest weight I’ve ever been, and when I was 100 lbs I felt the same way. am i alone in at least not really caring what other people look like, or will I spontaneously develop a disgust to heavy people at some point in the future? my mother is pretty blatantly “fatphobic” and I remember my dad would make “spot the whale” games while we were out in public together, so this has nothing to do with how I was raised I guess. idk.

---

[Discussion] Thinking about writing an ED book
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Wed Jun 20 07:21:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8si8yr/thinking_about_writing_an_ed_book/
---
I enjoy writing and I was thinking about writing an ED book. Like something for young adults.

There are some out there (Wintergirls, I'm looking at you) but I feel like they don't do it justice or they are triggering. I have never been inpatient so I don't think I could really write a "true story" because I don't have enough to say besides that I struggle with my life.

What would you like to read. The main character with an ED? Only a secondary one? Recovery or relapse or both? Happy ending or what. What would you like to read.

Alternatively what would you want other "regular" people to know about eating disorders?

---

Normal BMI (I was obese last October...)
/u/Kitten_in_a_teacup
Created: Wed Jun 20 07:21:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8si8wq/normal_bmi_i_was_obese_last_october/
---
Had to share somewhere. I haven't been a normal BMI since 2005. -79lbs. Keep catching my reflection in public and am in total disbelief. Praise protein bars and stims.

---

[Other] Abandoning recovery
/u/skinnyhero
Created: Wed Jun 20 07:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8si6bp/abandoning_recovery/
---
I redownloqded MFP and decided I’d rather get is of the the fat that focus on accepting my body. I wish I was a plant. I don’t want to want food anymore.

---

Describe your current vs. GW style
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Wed Jun 20 06:52:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8si1uf/describe_your_current_vs_gw_style/
---
Do you day dream about having a completely different look when you hit your GW?

My vision is long and midi skirts with a blouse tucked in and no stomach fat rolling over the top. I'll have cute untucked tops in summer that will show off my toned stomach whenever I lift my arms.

---

[Discussion] Anyone ever rolled while heavily restricting?
/u/catpotatotots
Created: Wed Jun 20 06:38:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8shyvv/anyone_ever_rolled_while_heavily_restricting/
---
Hey everyone ✌🏻

I’m going to a rave in a few days and I always roll (can’t have fun without Molly right?) but I’ve never rolled while heavily restricting. I usually stop restricting about a week before and just maintain until the rave, but my friend just texted me this morning that she has an extra ticket for super cheap

Has anyone rolled before while restricting? What was it like?

---

DAE else have high calorie/ weird safe foods?
/u/caookie
Created: Wed Jun 20 06:18:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8shuhm/dae_else_have_high_calorie_weird_safe_foods/
---
I feel like most people have safe foods that are like shiritaki noodles, vegetables, fruit and other low calorie things.

Meanwhile I like to gorge myself on vegan protein bars or other sugary granola/ cereal bars. Does anyone else do this?

To be fair, I high restrict and I’m not trying to lose weight anymore - I’m trying to maintain. Maybe that’s why.

---

Daily Food Diary! June 20, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 20 06:12:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8shsz0/daily_food_diary_june_20_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 20, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

Way To Go Wednesday June 20, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 20 06:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8shswz/way_to_go_wednesday_june_20_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for June 20, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

Okay, sick of people claiming left and right without sources. CICO actually does decrease metabolism and worsens the more you restrict (with academic sources).
/u/bunnywithbpd
Created: Wed Jun 20 06:00:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8shqa9/okay_sick_of_people_claiming_left_and_right/
---
Okay we get starvation mode is a myth (you literally cannot create energy out of thin air, fat is literally made for energy expenditure) and people swear by CICO. It DOES work, weight loss is shown but it DOES NOT retain your metabolism as someone would at your weight who regularly eats.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5042570/
**CICO does decrease metabolism (~100 calories in 8 weeks), even by a small deficit (-400 calories from their TDEE) compared to alternate day fasting**, where there was an average of a 16 caloric drop of BMR.

People on very low caloric diets (LCD = 800 calories) and caloric restriction (25% restriction of TDEE) have met a **reduction of about 200~**, **people who did both (alternated around 800 calories and regular restriction per day) experienced a VERY HUGE DROP of around 351 calories give or take**. This study was measured every 3 months. People who restricted PLUS exercised didn't have any changes. (http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0004377)

Another study were both very low caloric diets (800 calories) and regular restriction (75% of TDEE) decreased from their predicted TDEE of people who were the same mean weight. **(~100 calories decrease)** https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/1108368

http://europepmc.org/abstract/med/2927298 500 caloric restriction diet with no exercise for five obese humans, **87% drop in metabolism** after two weeks (yes 87%) but daily exercise increased it back after 2 weeks of exercise.

CICO does actually decrease your metabolism overtime. Even if it's only a 400 caloric deficit everyday. It's apparently even worse when you restrict to 800-900 calories. It's impossible to gain weight or maintain weight with CICO but it's a lie to say CICO does not affect metabolism. Pure CICO isn't the best method to lose weight and maintain metabolism.

Other options? Alternate day fasting, intermittent fasting, ketosis, moderate CICO with exercise, studies here conflict with restrictive CICO and exercise (some shown no difference, some did by a lot)

Basically, the problem with CICO is you are constantly switching from fat stores to food, back to fat and food. People who fasted, enter ketosis (fat burning mode) for a while, burning off the fat instead of constantly switching back and forth between eating and fat-burning. The first study, fasting and CICO lost the same amount of pounds, but guess what? Fasting lost x2 more the truncal fat (the visceral fat in your abdominal cavity).

I just wanted to make this clear: **CICO is not the best method to lose weight** Well now what? I don't know, this is an eating disorder subreddit, so please, just be careful and don't believe everything you read, Google has a nice search where you can filter academic sources only. 50% chance my interpretations might be wrong, it's 5 am and I'm just a college student. Peace!

---

[Rant/Rave] Fat, no self control, cycles of binge/fast. I don't fucking know what to do.
/u/Ironicbanana14
Created: Wed Jun 20 06:00:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8shqa8/fat_no_self_control_cycles_of_bingefast_i_dont/
---
I feel disgusting. I'm actually fat, obese. I can't control myself apparently. I count calories and still eat. I binge for days and then fast for days. I never have "good" food in the house. I love salad. But all that's ever in my house is shit like processed frozens or greasy meat. I feel sick thinking about it.

I have no appetite yet I will eat what the fuck ever you put in front of me if im hungry. I have rational times where I can stop and make an actual meal. But most times its the fast food drive through and an entire meal. Its getting so high I dont care that i shouldn't be eating. But im only making it worse for myself. I wish i could lose weight within a couple weeks. The contant failure is getting to me.

---

[Rant/Rave] FML..... I hate doughnuts....
/u/johanna0318
Created: Wed Jun 20 05:52:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8shokb/fml_i_hate_doughnuts/
---
I walked into work today and there are 6 boxes of doughnuts.....I don't even fucking like doughnuts..... But I still have no issue stuffing them in my fat face....Someone pray for my will power :( On a side note, would it seem weird if I put a skinny girl as the back ground on my computer at work, to remind my fat ass I don't need a doughnut??

---

Sobbing in the toilets because I starved for nothing.
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Wed Jun 20 05:09:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8shfrh/sobbing_in_the_toilets_because_i_starved_for/
---
We have a bbq at my uni today for students on my course. I asked the management specifically if they had vegan options and they said yes. I said I can bring my own and they assured me there was vegan options. So I didn't eat all last night and today so I could enjoy the bbq and the veggie burgers contain milk and eggs. So I'm sobbing in the toilets because I'm so hungry and was so excited about a fucking veggie burger and now I have nothing and I can't go and join my course mates cause they're all eating and having fun and the food smells so good :( I fucking hate life and myself and everything.

---

Fireball for dinner
/u/relapseandrecovery
Created: Wed Jun 20 05:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8shfnr/fireball_for_dinner/
---
This is just a nice little life update and ramble; just wanted to have a little chat with people who get it, yanno?

Last night I skipped dinner and I was lowkey sad/mad no one was concerned for me. We went out as a work mixer after, though, and it was great.

I had 6 shots of Fireball and didn't have to pay for any of them- thanks, boys! I danced my ass off so I probably burnt a good load of that off anyways.

Today is the big day off trip and I'll be visiting my boyfriend. This means today is a weigh in because, god bless, his roommate has a scale. I'd like to be 95 today. I want to weigh fully empty but it probably can't happen so my results will be skewed.

I haven't had too many carbs lately which I'm proud of. Definitely going to keep that up today. I normally just avoid whatever pastries are at breakfast and opt for fruit and greek yogurt. Lunch and dinner are harder but today those will be meals out in the real world. Probably will skip lunch and try to walk around a lot. I've been quite happy with regular pooping lately. Coffee helps a good bit so I've been off laxatives and will keep that up. I do need to buy more bloat tablets, though.

My friend keeps complaining about being hungry and eating too much and my ED brain feels so superior to her and determined to prove I am above humanity and need no food so I always say no when she asks if I'm hungry like her. I also tanned for 2 and a half hours yesterday which was good.


Anyways, that's my life as of late. How are yall?

---

Are there any UK Bronkaid alternatives?
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Wed Jun 20 04:59:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8shdvs/are_there_any_uk_bronkaid_alternatives/
---
So jealous reading all the posts on Bronkaid. Can only find it on eBay, which I don't really trust for buying over the counter foreign medicine on to be honest, that as well as the extortionate shipping. If any UK based people have any alternatives, or suggestions if you do stacks of anything, I'd be so grateful! Even better, a reliable site / place to buy Bronkaid from.

Thank you for any responses, if any. :)

---

[Rant/Rave] And Now The Game Begins
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Wed Jun 20 04:41:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8shalr/and_now_the_game_begins/
---
I’ve been heavy restricting for about a month now. Normally once a week or so I will up my calories to 1) maintain some semblance of energy and 2) to not call attention to myself. Luckily no one really pays attention to what I eat but how much I eat so I can eat a lot of super low cal stuff and no one seems to notice.

But, after several days of really strict restricting, when I start to feel awful - headaches, shaky, no energy, etc. then I have to convince myself to eat a little more. It’s a total ordeal and it’s annoying. I just go back and forth in my brain and agonize over it. If I do wind up eating more for a day, even if planned, I hate myself for it.

I hate myself anyway. :/

---

How the FUCK is my schools salad cream 50 kcal per table spoon???
/u/tolearnalanguage
Created: Wed Jun 20 04:31:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sh8ri/how_the_fuck_is_my_schools_salad_cream_50_kcal/
---

---

beyond frustrated with doctor
/u/arabella_05
Created: Wed Jun 20 04:19:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sh6k9/beyond_frustrated_with_doctor/
---
hi guys not rly ed related but somewhat lol

so i went to see my doctor about getting antidepressants after hitting a rock bottom mentally and finally getting the courage to bring it up ... and i got told to - instead of relying on medication - i should go for daily jogs ... thanks doctor i'm cured

(note i understand exercise is key to good mental health but a light run won't fix the mess in my head lmao)

great

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need to get past a milestone, is diet soda fasting worth it?
/u/callmecasady
Created: Wed Jun 20 03:54:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sh241/need_to_get_past_a_milestone_is_diet_soda_fasting/
---
i can't go a day without soda but i can go days without food

should i just stick to shit like diet fanta and whatevhr as well as water? life without soda is..... hell

i know there are some calories in it but it's better than binging lmao

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Tw?? Todays intake was unexpected
/u/keytahkat
Created: Wed Jun 20 03:53:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sh20p/tw_todays_intake_was_unexpected/
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Tw: So today half way through the day I decided “I can’t keep living like this” moment. Then ate a snack and had some dinner.

I didn’t track as I ate so preparing for bed I sat down and did the math , I am full. But apparently still didn’t break the baseline for average human intake. I can’t be the only one who does this?

I feel like the numbers are lying and that I’ve had too much. Idk anymore

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[Help] Do you have to have a US ID to buy bronkaid?
/u/necroticpeach
Created: Wed Jun 20 02:54:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sgseo/do_you_have_to_have_a_us_id_to_buy_bronkaid/
---
I want to try EC stacking but you can’t get ephedrine in my state, luckily I’m going up to Washington on Friday and I’m pretty sure it’s legal there- but I’m not an American citizen so I only have my foreign ID (drivers license & passport). Is this gonna matter? Not that keen to ask my friend to buy it for me lol

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[Discussion] DAE gets so paranoid when you ask low-fat non-fat when ordering stuff
/u/chzkayla
Created: Wed Jun 20 02:17:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sgmqa/dae_gets_so_paranoid_when_you_ask_lowfat_nonfat/
---
so basically, i never ever order drinks if i don’t get a can, or if i cannot see what they are doing. i don’t dare to drink from take away cups, bc i’m afraid that the workers put in coke instead of coke zero.
and unless i can stare at them like a hawk, i don’t get takeaway cups.
i have had experience where worker put coke instead of coke zero, and that just spiral me into a mental breakdown, or when barista put normal dairy milk instead of almond milk.
i heard of stories of people getting coke or full fat milk, because the assholes purposely decided to give them coke instead of coke zero and that just made me soooooo fearful. god.

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(Like we needed more reasons to hate resturants) --> ELIF: Why is restaurant food vastly more calorie dense than preparing food at home? Even at restaurants where they cook everything fresh, the calorie count is insane.
/u/MsFaceless
Created: Wed Jun 20 02:02:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sgkbd/like_we_needed_more_reasons_to_hate_resturants/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/8s84d7/elif_why_is_restaurant_food_vastly_more_calorie/

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I’m not ready to gain weight
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Wed Jun 20 01:48:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sghmz/im_not_ready_to_gain_weight/
---
I have to be an inpatient. My parents flipped out and made me call. I’m not that underweight, 65” 109-110 lbs. I’m actually pretty fat. My UGW was 100. I feel like part of me is being ripped away. Idk if I should fake recovery and get out and get to my goal or just let them make me fatter. But rn I’m pretty pissed at everyone in my life for getting in my way.

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[Help] Recommended medical tests
/u/BlondeActually
Created: Wed Jun 20 01:23:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sgda6/recommended_medical_tests/
---
Not sure if this is a bit complex for this sub (I might post to askdocs as well) but I’m going to the doctor this week and I can finally test all my necessary functions. I’m already going to request kidney function, iron levels and electrolytes, but is there anything else that gets majorly affected by ED’s that might be worth checking out?

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[Goal] When can i shed my flesh prison and exist as the ethereal ball of farts ive always wanted to be?
/u/ketometer
Created: Wed Jun 20 00:41:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sg5ni/when_can_i_shed_my_flesh_prison_and_exist_as_the/
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I want to without mass or substance.

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[Discussion] Supplements/Deterrents to keep me from eating?
/u/JeffBezosBunghole
Created: Tue Jun 19 23:10:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sfovf/supplementsdeterrents_to_keep_me_from_eating/
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Has anyone here tried a supplement or technique (I don't care how strange!) That prevented them from eating or binging? I am desperate and have no will power. I want to not be able to even think about eating.

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[Rant/Rave] relapse
/u/milkeyana
Created: Tue Jun 19 23:03:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sfn98/relapse/
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so ive relapsed. wonderful. i tried my best to recover but it was too hard and i just gave up. i hate being over 90 pounds because i think it’s too fat. so now im either going on a ketogenic diet or just fasting for the rest of the month. (of course i’ll allow myself food if i become a danger to myself). yay me.
:/

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[Rant/Rave] Life is so difficult
/u/steamedbun_27
Created: Tue Jun 19 22:59:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sfmdo/life_is_so_difficult/
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...when you’re fasting, and the neighbour cooks really good food :( I’m trying to distract myself but ugh it’s so difficult.

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i hate being skinny
/u/R3DL1N3
Created: Tue Jun 19 22:53:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sfl9q/i_hate_being_skinny/
---
i hate being skinny i look weak, i am weak, none of my clothes even stuff i brought in the January sales fits me anymore i eat nothing but junk food and am not really that active why cant i gain weight or at least keep in stable :(

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[Rant/Rave] Fight w/ Boyfriend After Insult About Weight
/u/supemery
Created: Tue Jun 19 22:53:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sfl8o/fight_w_boyfriend_after_insult_about_weight/
---
Torrid opened a location in my town so my boyfriend and I went together after dinner. We planned on shopping and then getting a small treat at Dairy Queen (practicing moderation instead of bingeing). We had a bunch of fun with me trying stuff on. After, I thanked him for going with me. He then said that compared to all the other girls he’s dated I’m the only one who’s had to go to “stores like that,” which really hurt. When I said that hurt, he said he was joking. So then we went to Dairy Queen but I didn’t order anything. He started calling me a liar for saying I was going to get ice cream and then not (he struggles with his weight and didn’t want to eat alone). I burst out that I didn’t want to get anything because of his mean comment. We got in a huge argument where he was telling me I had to eat half of his blizzard so I said, “I’ll eat half of it and then just purge” so he threw it out the window (I HATE littering) without either of us having any of it.

We had a big conversation about it and I honestly communicated my feelings but I’m still left feeling blahhhhh about it.

---

So much stuff on here that I relate to
/u/annwantsapackage
Created: Tue Jun 19 22:53:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sfl7s/so_much_stuff_on_here_that_i_relate_to/
---
You guys post so much stuff relating to little habits/feeling/cycles that I thought I was the only one doing. Some things I don’t even realize about myself until someone posts something here and I’m like “oh I do that too!” I was always strongly in denial that I had an ED. My sister and I would joke that I didn’t have an “eating disorder” I just had “disordered eating”. I thought because my weight was continuously fluctuating by 10 lbs that I was just an average girl desperate to lose weight like everyone else my age, that only thin girls who stayed thin had eating disorders. I also didn’t discover the fasting and binging label until a few years into my ED. I thought anorexic people just didn’t eat, and bulimic people threw up.. and I was neither of those so how could I have an ED? I was wrong. I didn’t realize I loved the mid day high from 24+ hours of fasting or that I obsessively talk about weight to my sisters and friends. I didn’t realize I was keeping my eating habits a secret. I didn’t realize that if I was doing a “healthy fast” like some diets have or that people do for certain religious holidays.. I would be open about it but I have ALWAYS kept my fasting a secret. Regardless, sorry for the rant but I really love this sub and all the support and shit people post ❤️

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[Discussion] For those living with parents, how do you deal with them worrying about your eating habits?
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Tue Jun 19 22:25:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sffrg/for_those_living_with_parents_how_do_you_deal/
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Just trying to see if anyone's in my shoes. I want to keep them out of my business when it comes to food as much as possible but it gets frustratingly difficult when there are family outings/parties..

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[Help] Question about bulimia and purging
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Tue Jun 19 22:12:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sfd3m/question_about_bulimia_and_purging/
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So I know that with bulimia, when you eat a lot and purge it's known or so I've searched on google that you gain weight instead of lose it. But what if you don't eat a lot or eating normal amounts but still purge, will you gain the weight or lose it?
( sorry if it's a stupid question)

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Doctors appointment
/u/expectingana
Created: Tue Jun 19 22:09:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sfcdp/doctors_appointment/
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had my doctors appointment today and the chances of me having this baby are slim. she told me all the risks but I think I'm willing to take them. i would love to be a mom but gaining weight scares me. I am also 10 weeks today I found out! does anyone have any advice for me?

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somebody noticed me losing a lot of weight
/u/lizzleplx
Created: Tue Jun 19 22:07:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sfbwn/somebody_noticed_me_losing_a_lot_of_weight/
---
she said “as long as it’s healthy!” ha. hahah...

i feel kind of bad for lying and saying i was being healthy but. at least i admit to myself i’m not being healthy? that’s... a step, right? even if i don’t want to stop any time soon? >_>

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[Other] EC stack question
/u/delaneyjay
Created: Tue Jun 19 22:03:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sfavh/ec_stack_question/
---
My first question is, is it legal in the us to buy brokaid and caffeine in the same purchase? Second I’m 17– I know brokaid is an asthma medication but do I need proof or a parent signature? Third are they safe? Thanks guys!

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No longer obese 😊
/u/Jenny_Roberts
Created: Tue Jun 19 21:58:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sf9v3/no_longer_obese/
---
Just calculated my BMI today, because my grandma didn't believe me when I said I was medically obese.

I was explaining BMI to her, calculating hers (21), and what my "normal" range was supposed to be, and to my surprise she was right!!! I'm now just plain ole overweight. Me being obese* just sounds greasy and stuffing my face with vending machine cookies (thx BED). Overweight isn't ideal, but it doesn't feel impossible.

It finally seems like I'm making progress... I've lost 18lbs in the past month + a week due to restriction and some exercise. I'm so excited and wanted to share with you guys 😁😁😁



*To anyone who is obese, I'm not judging you- I know you can do it!! We're in it together!!

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Reaching yet another low-point and releasing my ED is ruining my life.
/u/uncommonlyaverage
Created: Tue Jun 19 21:48:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sf7s1/reaching_yet_another_lowpoint_and_releasing_my_ed/
---
So, I decided to take summer classes after not doing well and being put on probation for a medical withdraw for my ED, but in reality I was so disgusted with myself and wanted to lose more weight and come back the following semester thinking I would like myself and could maintain being underweight. The withdraw supposed to be for me to recover and I didn't even go to therapy. I fucked up spring semester and now my school put me on probation for not making 2/3 completion of my yearly credit hours despite having a high GPA. In my summer classes, I'm failing one and have As in my lab and the other class. If I don't get an 85 on the final I can't even get a C...I might get kicked out or at least will have to take the class again as I need at least a C in chemistry for my major.

I missed my Chem class yet again because I literally was on the toilet after taking laxatives that took too long to kick in. Sometimes I miss class to purge or because I'm too tired from restricting. And for what? I'm already underweight. My boyfriend loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. Why do I do this? Why I am I going to throw my life away for this, yet I know I won't stop until I lose more or if I'll ever. If I get kicked out of school I'll probably end it I'm so ashamed of myself. I've had anorexia/bulimia since I was 14 and I can't get better. I've been to treatment twice. I'm tired of this fucking disease, but I can't stop. It makes me suicidal. Why do I actually value thinness over real life goals like college?

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If ya'll have a Publix Halo Top is going to be .75 cents this week
/u/lonelysweetpotato
Created: Tue Jun 19 21:32:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sf49p/if_yall_have_a_publix_halo_top_is_going_to_be_75/
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I know this is isn't really ED related but I know a lot of you like this stuff and I also know that shit is expensive. I'm broke so I get excited when I see deals like this.

It's Buy one get one starting the 20th so $5.50 for 2 pints. There is also a $2 off coupon you can print so if you use two $2 coupons that brings it down to a $1.50 for two pints.

[link to coupon](https://irxcm.com/RevTrax/scppwrd.jsp?uid=4131913481_ocm_&rd=GenError.jsp%3Ferr%3D1007%26&merchantId=99645158&rtxnfd=1&responsive=true&viewType=viewFull&refId=https%3A%2F%2Fpublixsavings101.com%2Fhalo-top-light-ice-cream%2F&rtxIfrRsz=true&affiliateId=99801021&imageType=thumbnail&programId=100808940)

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[Help] Movie Theater Popcorn
/u/alicereyy
Created: Tue Jun 19 21:29:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sf3jx/movie_theater_popcorn/
---
Does anyone know how many calories are in average movie theater popcorn? On it's own without adding any toppings.

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[Help] Meal plans
/u/cas215
Created: Tue Jun 19 21:20:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sf1oz/meal_plans/
---
So Ive been stressing out about what im going to eat while at my 6 week ballet intensive in NYC. I need meal plans. And i hate revealing this but in not a huge fan of vegetables (bit ED no-no I know) does anyone have any good ideas for how i can stay low-cal but be eating what might seem normal to my roommates and what could keep me from passing out mid-class? Much love❤️

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[Discussion] Garcinia cambogia works!
/u/unicupcakes
Created: Tue Jun 19 21:04:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sey5q/garcinia_cambogia_works/
---
It works it really does. It makes me too nauseated to eat on top of it using the fat you eat for energy.
I have been stuck at a weight gain impossible to lose and after using this god is it helping.
Id like to know what experiences other people have had with it.
Ive heard its damaging but honestly does it matter as long as the weight is coming off.

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[Help] Maybe dumb question about purging
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Tue Jun 19 20:59:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sewz2/maybe_dumb_question_about_purging/
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Sometimes after I purge my arms and legs hurt. I know the usual answer is electrolytes, electrolytes, electrolytes and right now I am drinking some emergen-c. Does anyone else ever get this? Shit, even my toes hurt.

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[Goal] DAE... stare at super skinny people out of admiration but fear it comes off as creepy
/u/professorsheepkitty
Created: Tue Jun 19 20:53:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sevm8/dae_stare_at_super_skinny_people_out_of/
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I did a “meet up” today. I need more female friends in my area. The meet up was at a coffee house so it was safe for me. One of the other girls was like 5’7” and maybe 90 pounds. I couldn’t stop staring at her. She probably thought that either I was a total creep or attracted to her. Ugh. Nope, just admiring and wishing I could be her...

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5'3 and 130lbs...how much do I need per day to truly start losing FAST?
/u/mercibeaucoup42
Created: Tue Jun 19 20:44:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8setgy/53_and_130lbshow_much_do_i_need_per_day_to_truly/
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I've tried the '1200' and '800' a day calories but I am not really losing at all. I seem to be stuck at 130 and my GW is 115 at the very least.

I've reduced to around 500 a day and hoping this will help.

Anyone have the same experience? As in not really losing when restricting?? I used to do 2,500 a day and 1,200 reduction should've resulted in some deficit but it didn't.

Super confused and would appreciate some cal per day recommendation for my height and weight.

Thank you guys. xo

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Weird ways I avoid eating
/u/skinny-star-boy
Created: Tue Jun 19 20:44:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8setg3/weird_ways_i_avoid_eating/
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DAE leave things to get cold or soggy so they’re grossed out?? Like I pour a big bowl of cereal and then just let it sit until it gets soggy so I take one bite and gag bc it’s gross and mushy and then just toss it

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My boyfriend's step mom made my motivation spike
/u/chaoskilledme
Created: Tue Jun 19 20:34:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ser72/my_boyfriends_step_mom_made_my_motivation_spike/
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I've been having an issue with getting my diet and exercise on track and staying faithful to the routine. I was hanging out with my boyfriend and he said that his step mom asked if I was losing weight because "you look so skinny" and I feel so happy! I always think I look like a giant bloated whale but to have someone think I look skinny felt fantastic!
Just wanted to share my little happy moment with you all. 😊

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[Other] Bathroom fans are a blessing in disguise
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Tue Jun 19 20:23:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8seonj/bathroom_fans_are_a_blessing_in_disguise/
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https://i.redd.it/81mzwohcg2511.png

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Why I started restricting: being mistaken for a man 3x
/u/guava_pastille
Created: Tue Jun 19 20:14:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8semen/why_i_started_restricting_being_mistaken_for_a/
---
Late last year within the span of 3 months I was mistaken for a man. The first time, I was like... honest mistake. I am tall and have a short haircut and occasionally dress androgynous.

The second time I was harassed by a meth head couple on the train. The wife and husband were speaking in Spanish because I don’t think they thought I could understand (I can!) and the husband kept asking the wife whether she thought I was male or female.

Third times the charm: I was mistaken as a Sir by concierge at the hotel I was staying at.

All 3 events led up to ultimately restricting and purging. I have lost 40 lbs since January.

I feel bad because I shouldn’t feel bad for being misidentified. Like no big deal, right? But I’m female-identified, and to be mistaken for someone I am not fucked with me.

Also helped me understand and deepen my empathy for people who identify as a gender on the spectrum in the inside, but are misidentified every single day. I get it. It hurts.

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Messed up, feeling pretty low about it.
/u/Teamrc2016
Created: Tue Jun 19 20:05:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sekht/messed_up_feeling_pretty_low_about_it/
---
Uugh, all week I have been really good. Hiking 4 miles in the morning, keeping to my 500 calories or under. Today I was feeling really off. Not weak, but tingly in places, and major brain fog and was starting to panic about my electrolytes being off so I decided to have a 1k day of healthy stuff to replenish my vitamins and minerals. Well stupid 1k day went into a 1400 day. Now it was all healthy foods and I burned 2100 but I am now bordering on panic, have a headache and am debating getting on the treadmill. I feel pretty crap about it because I wanted to be on this dumb schedule I set. Should I rest so I can be sure to do my hike tomorrow or give in and treadmill? Anyone else have a bad day?

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One week abs??
/u/eloana12
Created: Tue Jun 19 20:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sejcp/one_week_abs/
---
I've got an event where my abs will most likely be seen in a week. What kind of ab exercises do you think will give me most definition within that week? Static exercises like planks or dynamic like v sits?

My stomach is already fairly flat with some muscle, but not a lot. And to prep, I've started upping cardio, drinking more water/tea and eating cleaner.

---

hi
/u/joanbach
Created: Tue Jun 19 19:19:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sea10/hi/
---
new to the group, looking for advice/support

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DAE feel like they work harder when they starve?
/u/alliwantisskinny
Created: Tue Jun 19 19:19:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8se9wd/dae_feel_like_they_work_harder_when_they_starve/
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When I fast during work I feel so good and I feel like I work harder. I work in the food industry and when I fast I feel like I'm better than everyone buying our fatty food and drinks.
I am in love with this feeling of starving myself and being so in control.

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[Intro] back on my bullshit
/u/princessdamage
Created: Tue Jun 19 19:09:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8se7s3/back_on_my_bullshit/
---
Hi, longtime lurker introducing myself. Lifelong struggle with ED, don’t b/p anymore but I think I’m becoming a bit of an exercise bulimic. I’m literally at the gym right now covered in sweat and relief. I don’t feel good until I’ve burned more cals than my last meal... and then I feel like a fucking rockstar.

I also feel like I’m too old for this at 31. But here I am.

I also feel like a “bad feminist” and a bad queer. Like I should be more radical and know better. I do know better. And yet.

Just got married a couple weeks ago and that was a huge trigger for me. Started restricting and exercising like crazy. I thought after that, I’d just go back to normal, but I forgot it doesn’t work like that. It never has.

Anyway, hi. Reading your posts is enormously helpful for me and makes me feel way less alone. So thank you for being here.

---

My ED is ruining my birthday
/u/SlothsRUs15
Created: Tue Jun 19 19:07:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8se75j/my_ed_is_ruining_my_birthday/
---
It's my 18th birthday today and I can't stop crying. I've gained 10lbs this month already and the thought of going for a birthday meal tomorrow is making me feel physically sick. I hate that I can feel the weight on myself again, feel my thigh gap getting smaller, and yet I can't stop looking at pics of skinnier people and wishing I looked like that. I hate the fact that I can't even restrict properly anymore because I'm too weak minded. Im going on holiday next week and I'm too scared to wear shorts because I feel so fat and disgusting, all because I stopped counting calories and thought I was getting better. I hate myself so much. I really need some support right now guys :(

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Accidental binging whoops
/u/backup4reelz
Created: Tue Jun 19 19:04:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8se6mh/accidental_binging_whoops/
---
Stole my sister's leftovers and justified it by telling myself that it was payback for her calling me an idiot the other day. Jokes on myself cause I broke a week long restriction just to eat a mediocre enchilada (it looked SO much better than it tasted) so I guess I really am an idiot.
Also first post so hey everyone I'm here whats up

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I always knew I had a problem....
/u/johanna0318
Created: Tue Jun 19 18:55:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8se4f6/i_always_knew_i_had_a_problem/
---
I'm a smart fully capable adult...Who just realized that I have an eating disorder. I've never had a healthy relationship with food. I binge, I restrict, I gain 10, lose 10, constantly.... I know eating 3000 calories all at once is terrible, I just always assumed I was fat and disgusting.

All of you beautiful, amazing people helped me realize I'm not alone. For the first time in 33 years, I'm not alone and it feels amazing....

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When people eat your safe food
/u/Firerose157
Created: Tue Jun 19 18:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8se4ce/when_people_eat_your_safe_food/
---
Bought myself a rotisserie chicken to last the week. Got a few pieces with my bf and now it's gone because his mom fed it all to the stray cats near us (though they feed them regularly with cat food and meat). I feel like without an ed, this wouldnt bother me. Same as when my bf fed the "skinny" cat with my planned, portioned only meal of that night: a few pieces of chicken. I suck

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How can I lose some weight (I don't care whether it's fat or water)?
/u/patriotsfan4life
Created: Tue Jun 19 18:29:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sdydv/how_can_i_lose_some_weight_i_dont_care_whether/
---
I went from 100 to 95 to 105 to 90 to 113 in about a year. I always lose the weight really quickly, maintain for a while, and then gain the weight really fast. Recently I've gained a ton of weight (like 20 pounds!) To be fair I gained some height too but now I feel more bloated and fat than usual. I went into maintenance at 113 for a week or so and now I'm trying to cut calories, but the thing is that when I start "dieting" I have a week or so where I lose water weight really fast. It's not happening right now. For the past week I haven't lost a pound. My parents won't let me get laxatives or diuretics, so how can I start losing that water weight fast?

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Weird question...
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Tue Jun 19 17:53:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sdpro/weird_question/
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How many calories are sprinkles? I could live off Halo Top with sprinkles.

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My mom died, restricting.
/u/bodiestalk
Created: Tue Jun 19 17:46:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sdnwp/my_mom_died_restricting/
---
My mom died a few weeks ago. Basically I never want to eat again. I feel like I shouldn’t go through the motions of normal life without her.

I have had an eating disorder for a long time, and I know this catastrophic event has triggered something, but fuck it. I don’t even want to breathe without my mom.

But the thing is... I’m a mom to a 7 month old, so I need my energy and patience and health. It’s the first time I’ve fallen into a deep restriction hole (water fasting) when someone else depended on me.

In the past I’d water fast, run 6 miles nearly daily. One time I passed out on the street and woke up in the hospital with no memory of how I got there because I suffered a head injury when I collapsed. I told everyone (family and friend) that I’d had a seizure because I didn’t want them to know the truth about my disease.

It’s fucked up, but I wish I could go to that singular goal kind of life

I wish I could go to that singular goal kind of life , when I was living alone and not married, but I have a little guy depending on me.



I appreciate this sub and all your support. You are all lovely people.

---

Been in the hospital
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Tue Jun 19 17:18:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sdh9l/been_in_the_hospital/
---
Nothing serious I’m okay. I have to stay a few days for blood work and other tests. I’ve been eating everything they put in front of me pretty much because I’m honestly I’m too tired to fight it. I’ve been having panic attacks at night when I think back on what all I’ve eaten. Fuck me. Only a few more days though.

---

Shoutout to Bronkaid and Juul for cutting my grocery bill
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Tue Jun 19 17:14:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sdg7f/shoutout_to_bronkaid_and_juul_for_cutting_my/
---
Both have helped me stop binging, and obviously helped me restrict. I was easily spending like $400+ a month on food (including regular groceries, eating out, sushi, wine, binge food etc). I am now spending MAX $200/month. Yay! Juul is a bit expensive, but it still ends up saving me money!

---

[Other] A JOY thank u wisdom teeth
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Tue Jun 19 17:02:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sdd3w/a_joy_thank_u_wisdom_teeth/
---
So YES the uni counsellors and uk doctors are lacking in use, however there has been a shining light (or two) in my day:

(a) 49kg in the evening and with clothes on: means I’ve lost again!
(b) last week I panicked about my sibling’s celebratory meal (which is tomorrow) but, naturally, my wisdom teeth have decided to come through so eating is legitimately a pain.

P A R T Y

---

[Other] Just wanted to say how thankful I am for this community
/u/JeffBezosBunghole
Created: Tue Jun 19 17:02:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sdd3e/just_wanted_to_say_how_thankful_i_am_for_this/
---
Ok, so yes we all participate in self destructive behavior (be it mental or physical) but the fact that I have a group of people who mirrors the same mindset as myself when it comes to my eating disorder is so comforting. I get so stressed over my eating choices. I was bulimic for 2 years before it destroyed my teeth and messed up my jaw. All I think about is my body and how unhappy I am. How I'm always working towards being skinny but never feel any closer. Wishing you all the best. Stay skinny bitches

---

[Discussion] DAE open food delivery app, add all favorite menu items to cart, struggle to press the order button and then just exit the fucking app entirely lol
/u/fatterfly
Created: Tue Jun 19 15:58:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8scw2s/dae_open_food_delivery_app_add_all_favorite_menu/
---
I do this literally. every. day. 🙃

---

The ana starter pack
/u/stargurrrl
Created: Tue Jun 19 15:40:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8scr3z/the_ana_starter_pack/
---
https://i.redd.it/2mo3vjj021511.jpg

---

[Help] Quick! I feel a binge coming on and I need something large to eat that wont add up too many calories
/u/cas215
Created: Tue Jun 19 15:31:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8scom6/quick_i_feel_a_binge_coming_on_and_i_need/
---
Im thinking eggs but 3 is 210 and I feel like I can find something better than that.

---

[Rant/Rave] Quick Little Rant (reposted in the right sub)
/u/bemybaegel
Created: Tue Jun 19 15:27:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8scnko/quick_little_rant_reposted_in_the_right_sub/
---
Ugh okay so I've been restricting (lol like barely, around 15-1800 kcal/day, my TDEE is around 23-2600) and Im down like 30 lbs since I started "eating healthy", slippery slope amiright? but ANYWAY everyone is reallly starting to notice and apparently I look great and that feels fucking great but the thing is I'm shaky all the time and freezing and tired and losing my hair?? Wtf?? (Thats one of the reasons I'm trying to eat a little more, but I digress) And I feel like shit but eating is... Ugh? I feel horrible for it. I eat normal full meals, mostly, just clean and lo-cal or I at least try for that, but I hate myself afterwards basically no matter what. It's terrible. My mom is worried too bc I've lost enough that she can see it and just. I hate it. Why can't I be normal. This fucking sucks.

(*Was accidentally in the memes sub whoops today is not v good*)

---

Clean VS Dirty Toilet
/u/FruitandBone
Created: Tue Jun 19 15:13:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8scjlq/clean_vs_dirty_toilet/
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Does anyone have a purging preference? Sometimes a dirty toilet grosses me out enough that it actually helps the process. Most of the time I like a squeeky clean porceline hell hole to spend too much time with. Anyone else?

---

[Help] "I don't think we can help you"
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Tue Jun 19 14:47:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8scc5q/i_dont_think_we_can_help_you/
---
I went to the university counsellors today (this is the 7th different one I've seen). It was our second appointment and within ten minutes she had told me that she didn't think they could help me, and I should just come back if I feel like it at some point in the future.

I am so done. So done with being unable to eat. I've been tossed around the GPs (having seen 5 of them), the university, and there's nothing that anyone can do to help me so I am completely stuck with this mindset and uncontrollable desire to remain skinny. I know I LOOK unwell: I am visibly bony, always pale and dizzy, perpetually freezing, everything aches (to the point where it was suggested I have my bones scanned for osteoporosis even though my bloods are normal). I don't want to be like this but I also do and it's agony.

To counteract the rant, at work today I was (again) described as "the very skinny blonde one" to someone. The new manager, however, retorted "she's visibly underweight and obviously not eating; a definite liability" - in front of my face.

WHAT A DAY Y'ALL. Guess you're stuck with me until I die // can afford to pay a professional to fix me.

---

[Rant/Rave] Perfect sister finally feeling my frustration
/u/shearosea
Created: Tue Jun 19 14:43:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8scb2q/perfect_sister_finally_feeling_my_frustration/
---
My sister is 6 feet tall and weighs 125 lbs and was excepted into this modeling agency. They told her she needs to lose 3 inches around her waist and now everyone is commenting on what she can and can not eat. She’s freaking out because of it , it makes her so upset.
All my life everyone’s commented on my weight and what I eat. It kind of feels good to have her finally feel what I’ve been feeling all my life. Ms perfect

---

Can't decide if I'm not eating because ED, or because I'm legit ill.
/u/RoryRichard
Created: Tue Jun 19 14:13:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sc2fo/cant_decide_if_im_not_eating_because_ed_or/
---
A month ago I had some sort of vomiting bug that came out of nowhere, and I spent three days lying in bed vomiting bile and barely keeping down water. I swear I've never been so ill.

Since then I've not even once been able to eat a full meal. I buy food for a binge, then have three bites and put it away. I end up writhing around on the bed and waking up all night if I eat even half of a 'normal' sized plate of food. I basically live off small amounts of chocolate/crisps/fruit juice and diet coke, as that's all I can stomach. Sometimes I can barely drink. In the last day I've had half a can of coke and some vitamins, which took me an hour to manage as I've felt so nauseous.

I can't go out and socialise because I am so scared of getting sick if people offer me food. I still like the idea of eating, it's just the reality that doesn't work.

Thing is, part of me likes it. It's never been so easy to lose weight and restrict when my body punishes me so much for eating. I don't know if I could get over this if I concentrated on trying to eat, but the fasting is so irresistable. Part of me thinks I should go to the doctor, another part just says 'go after you've lost X pounds' and I'm scared of them making me put weight on.

Anyone else had this? I've tried to look it up but honestly, nothing quite fits. I don't know how much is in my body and how much just in my head. Gah.

---

[Help] Supposed to be maintaining but the urge to restrict is so strong.
/u/skinnyhero
Created: Tue Jun 19 14:13:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sc2br/supposed_to_be_maintaining_but_the_urge_to/
---
I’m starting to look strong and muscular but my belly fat is making me want to cut it off with a knife. I can’t decide what to do. I want to be a strong athlete but I hate this fat and I want it gone. Why are the two things I want so at odds with each other???

Also my summertime treat is twice the calories I thought it was. And I am supposed to eat for muscle but since I did the mental math wrong I just want to restrict.

---

[Rant/Rave] How is everyone seeing it but me?
/u/whats-the-point-ugh
Created: Tue Jun 19 14:07:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sc0jz/how_is_everyone_seeing_it_but_me/
---
I keep getting comments from people at work, friends and my own family that I've lost a lot of weight and gotten too skinny. I have my mom begging me to tell me what's wrong. People at work constantly offer me food and I think I freak people out because I never eat meals with them.

I'm 5'4 and 104 pounds. And I didn't eat since Sunday. I'm too sad to feel hungry. I look in the mirror and I honestly don't see the concern. I think I look normal. I still have a bit of a tummy so that must mean I'm keeping fat somewhere. Or I'm shorter than I thought.

On one hand, my hipbones stick out. It hurts to sit on hard chairs so much. I'm constantly cold and I feel my heart fluttering. My breath is always bad, like it's metallic tasting. But I don't see why they're concerned about my body? And my heart rate isn't low so I can't be that sick? It's 140 which is a little high I think but not deadly?

I probably am sick and just can't see what everyone else sees. I don't want to recover but I hurt everyone. I'm struggling to rationalize this to myself and I'm going insane

---

[Help] getting rid of water weight
/u/audreybelle_
Created: Tue Jun 19 13:56:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sbxbb/getting_rid_of_water_weight/
---
so, i have a doctor’s appointment in two days, and in 2 days, i gained 10lbs of water weight from a binge. i NEED to get rid of this water weight. i don’t want my binge weight to be written down on my doctor’s sheet. it’ll look like i’ve gained 10lbs of actual fat.

---

I feel like a fake.
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Tue Jun 19 13:55:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sbwzi/i_feel_like_a_fake/
---
I was watching https://youtu.be/DGFyvkmspi0 on YouTube, and realized how much more junk I ate. I pay more attention to how much calories are in it. Ofc I'm not going to restrict on hamburgers and donuts even if it's in my limit, but I do eat popcorn, protien shakes, granola bars, yogurt, and Ritz cracker chips.

---

[Rant/Rave] Reason I hate getting stoned...
/u/DahliaDubonet
Created: Tue Jun 19 13:55:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sbwym/reason_i_hate_getting_stoned/
---
One would think because it would lead to an even more dramatic spiral of binging, no. I got stoned and could feel every pound of fat I’ve gained, the fact that my pants were cutting into my hips, and that I hadn’t washed my face today.
Wasn’t this supposed to help my anxiety? FML

---

My ED, still struggling in my 30's
/u/brooklyn_girl_
Created: Tue Jun 19 13:53:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sbwfe/my_ed_still_struggling_in_my_30s/
---
Hi. I'm new here. I'm probably a lot older than most of you... I'm 33 years old. I struggled with disordered eating, probably since I was a teenage girl -- but never really realized the extent of it. When I filed for my divorce 3 years ago, I full fledge became bulimic. Even typing this to anonymous internet strangers is hard to do, because I don't see myself this way.

I'm 5'3" and curvy. I weigh 141 lbs today. I've weighed 163 and as little as 127. In the last five years I go between 129 - 142, what feels like really rapidly.

My mom was pretty abusive growing up. She's a textbook case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. r/raisedbynarcissists has been such a helpful and supportive community through the years. Anyway, one negative thing from her about my weight, can trigger months and months of binging and purging behavior. Sometimes, she doesn't even need to speak, but I see it with her eyes, when they are looking at my stomach, or my arm fat.

I think most of my friends and family would think I am completely crazy for thinking I am fat. And with the right dress, I sometimes think I can fool others, but when I sit, I feel my belly and in pictures I hate my arms and when I'm above 134lbs, I can absolutely see how puffy my face is, vs my jaw and bone showing when I am anything under 134.

Sometimes, I think I'm too old to have an eating disorder...that it's for young girls.

Sometimes I think I'm too fat to have one; that it's for thinner girls.

Sometimes I think, that losing control and eating really quickly, riddled with anxiety and loss of control, and then purging to have that peaceful empty feeling is not actually bulimia, and it is something else.

I do know, that for the last 4 years, I have been dealing with this thing on and off. There was a time when I thought it was fine. But, it gets really scary when I tell myself I'll stop, and then I can't stop and keep going. Or that I do have periods of remission, and then, a fight with my boyfriend or a nasty comment from my mother will throw me back into the viscous cycle faster than the blink of an eye. And then there i am again. Having known health. Having reached a good weight. Having felt in control - only to have the whole thing unravel again, and begin the cycle of self hatred.

I'll stop there.

I made a phone call to Renfrew and I am being seen for my intake assessment in two days. I am applying for the IOP program, so I can still work and have my summer days to myself. I am really serious about getting better and receiving treatment.

I think I'm looking for support. I hope I find women around my age. I hope my intake coordinator is nice. I hope they actually listen and empathize with me and my situation. I hope I get the care I need, because I do want to get better.

I am so afraid of them making me gain weight. I am already so incredibly fat and trying my best to lose weight (both healthy and not healthy ways) and I don't want them to force me to eat more than I am ready to eat. I also fear just feeling really, really out of place.

I guess I;m just sharing my story for some support, and maybe, if there is someone out there who is similar to me, they will also feel a little less alone.

---

Return 10 years later
/u/camelliajasmine
Created: Tue Jun 19 13:50:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sbvsr/return_10_years_later/
---
So it's been a while. I recovered from my eating disorder and have been pretty happy since then, but between graduating college, getting married, and getting a desk job at a cookie company of all places, I have gained around 30-40 lbs in the last 3 years and have had several breakdowns this week regarding clothes not fitting and feeling like a whale.

I struggle with constant snacking at work with the readily available cookies. I was good for a while, bringing veggies and almonds, but i got lazy with my grocery shopping and meal preps. I used to purge because I snack like a mofo. Bathrooms at work facilitate this so I'm thinking about starting again because my office is right off the bakery and the occasional cookie binge is inevitable.

I also haven't gotten back in the gym. I loved my college gym and my lack of friends meant i was there all the time in college when I was super fit. I joined the one right by where i work, but without classes I just can't get motivated to go. Plus I just want to spend time with my husband in the afternoons and we can't gym together due to different work hours, a pupper, and gym that's closer to work than home.

I keep trying to go on walks/runs with the dog, but I'm exhausted in the mornings and haven't managed more than a couple days a week.

If anyone made it through, I could really use some suggestions/help getting back on the wagon. Any help with snacking and getting back to exercising would be great!

---

[Discussion] How many calories is your cheat meal?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Tue Jun 19 13:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sbsgi/how_many_calories_is_your_cheat_meal/
---
I’m thinking of having a cheat meal after 15 days of low restriction being on average 513cals a day

I know that if I don’t give in to a cheat day I will binge for a week

I am going to keep my cheat day under 2000-2500 caloriesMAX

What is your cheat day calories

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My parents are mad at me for overeating but I can’t stop
/u/qwrty3
Created: Tue Jun 19 13:17:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sbmba/my_parents_are_mad_at_me_for_overeating_but_i/
---
I honestly don’t know what to do. My parents keep getting mad at me for eating “all of the family’s food” and telling me that I have to eat less but I literally can’t stop binging, no matter how hard I try. It also doesn’t help that they also try to shove food down my throat every time I do try to eat less and get mad at me every time I say no to food.

I hate making them mad and I hate binging but I can’t stop and I don’t know what to do.

---

dae constantly touch the “skinny” parts of their body for reassurance??
/u/fairshine
Created: Tue Jun 19 13:11:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sbkfm/dae_constantly_touch_the_skinny_parts_of_their/
---
i find myself constantly constantly CONSTANTLY running my hands over my collarbones lately, idk if it’s an anxiety thing or a “hey ur skinny calm down” thing, but it’s almost comforting at this point. can’t wait to have hip bones for this selfish purpose as well

---

I'm prescribed a weight loss drug
/u/gross9876
Created: Tue Jun 19 13:10:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sbk5r/im_prescribed_a_weight_loss_drug/
---
I told my psychiatrist that my antidepressant made me more hungry than I want to be and she prescribed me topamax just like that! Wow!!! I was going to fake ADD for vyvanse but this is just as good 🙂

My roommate has been stealing from me, but this and being scouted makes this a pretty great week :)

---

Food sucks
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Tue Jun 19 13:04:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sbib5/food_sucks/
---
Wtf is the point of life when most of the time I’m planning/eating just to not pass out and the rest of the time I’m binging and purging but not getting everything out and feeling disgusting and hopeless and weak. I am seriously mistreating my body and I want to die

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Ed's and food industry don't mix
/u/tjmacd
Created: Tue Jun 19 12:38:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sbamy/eds_and_food_industry_dont_mix/
---
Started a second job at a small family run establisment that pays Alot better than my ft sous chef position. However the owner keeps feeding me everything on the menu. Yeah, I get that I need to understand how things should taste so it can be replicated but I'm legit about to have a panic attack. I already ate Gyro, souvlaki, cheese cake, baklava and a shit load of tapas' AND THAT'S NOT EVEN HALD THE MENU.

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Issues with n/v
/u/daintynfainty
Created: Tue Jun 19 12:22:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sb5yj/issues_with_nv/
---
I've mostly just been restricting lately, usually around <500cal/day. However today I woke up and ate half a cup of unsweetened apple sauce and some hot water with lemon/cinnamon and was nauseous after about 10 minutes and threw up about 15 minutes after (not a self-purge)
Anyone ever experience this or have tips how to NOT have this happen again?

I'm doing my best to stay safe/sane.

---

[Help] Crushing on a coworker and it’s triggering me more than ever
/u/frankesteinsmonster
Created: Tue Jun 19 11:50:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sawf9/crushing_on_a_coworker_and_its_triggering_me_more/
---
Hi, so I sometimes post here and get too scared and delete my posts after a few weeks. But I’ve been dealing with disordered eating behaviours for the last year and with low self esteem and body dysmorphia for about 4 or 5 years now. I’m 18 and trying to get into college (another horror story on its own) so obviously when summertime comes around ya girl needs to get a job. It’s usually always waitressing because the tips are good and the salary is good for the summer. I started working in this beachside restaurant and I freakin love it: The coworkers are super nice, the drama is minimal and the overall vibe is great. Something I noticed is I’ve been getting tons of compliments from costumers and coworkers. I’m relatively tall girl with a buzzcut, so I guess that’s somehow unique? Since my body dysmorphia is a bitch, I take those comments with a grain of salt, and still think I’m too fat and too ugly. So after this long ass introduction let me get to the title. I have this coworker: we’ll call him T. T is exactly my type of guy:-tall, handsome, a bit broody, and super easy going. Now the problem is, T has a girlfriend. He’s been working at the restaurant for a longer time now, but this summer he started working later than I did, so I met him after I met all the other coworkers. The first thing they told is to be a little careful around T since he can be a bit rude sometimes. But we started getting along really well, to the point where somebody said that he must’ve really liked me because he rarely gets along with people like that. And since I have this thing called “being a fucking moron” I find myself getting more and more interested in him. I obviously understand nothing is going to happen because he’s in a relationship, but then certain situations happen that are... well weird. After this one client raved about how gorgeous I was (like wth I don’t see it but okay) I told T that she was instantly my favourite customer of the day, and T says something along the lines of “As if I don’t tell you’re pretty everyday”. T complimented me like 5 times the day I got my buzzcut, T said I should model because I have a unique sense of style and a pretty face. T compliments my earrings, or a shirt I’m wearing... I don’t know if it’s just pure desperation that someone from the opposite sex is actually nice and complimenting me or what, but I don’t know what to think. To make matters worse his girlfriend came into the restaurant the other and was rude to me (completely walked past me and didn’t even acknowledge me even though I was the hostess the day) and she’s so much skinnier and flawless than I am. Nothing will ever come of this I know, but I just needed some advice on how to keep my feelings in check and avoid a potentially awkward work situation

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[Rant/Rave] I'm Rude Because I Don't Want Pizza...
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Tue Jun 19 11:46:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sav45/im_rude_because_i_dont_want_pizza/
---
My boyfriend's parents and sister is coming over today because we are celebrating his sister's birthday. They're ordering pizza. I comment on how I won't be eating the pizza and immediately be told that "I'm being rude". Ok well I'm 24 if I dont WANT TO FUCKING EAT PIZZA IM NOT GONNA EAT IT I JUST HIT 90 LBS AND I INTEND TO LOSE MORE SO EVERYONE STFU.

Thanks for listening. End rant.

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[Help] I have to eat carbs and sodium and it’s scarying me
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Tue Jun 19 11:24:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8saor0/i_have_to_eat_carbs_and_sodium_and_its_scarying_me/
---
Yesterday I reached my first goal weight. Then my friends made me have qdoba which was about 400 and my mom made me have a taco, which is like 300. So I had 700 calories whereas usually I’ve been between 200-500. And then I wake up this morning having gained 2 pounds. I’ve been working on cleaning it all out. But today I have a date with my bf and he wants pizza. I looked up the nutrition facts and 2 pieces would be 600 calories, 1400 mg of sodium, and 66 grams of carbohydrates. I’m worried this will make me bloated and keep my weight increasing and I can’t deal with that. So far today I’ve had a cup and a half of black coffee, a cup of detox tea, 2 glasses of water, and a glass of prune juice. How can I avoid or cope with this?

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[Rant/Rave] ate food i KNEW would give me food poisoning
/u/katieburrito
Created: Tue Jun 19 11:15:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8sama4/ate_food_i_knew_would_give_me_food_poisoning/
---
my fat ass works in a mall and was in full binge mode during lunch yesterday. went to a local burger place in the food court known for outrageous burgers and ordered one and some cheese curds. cue 8 hours later me shitting my brains out in the bathroom from food poisoning. today on lunch, i went to go throw the leftovers away, but being the absolute lardass i am, i couldn’t bring myself to and sat down and finished it off. somebody fucking stop me.

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gang’s all here!
/u/astra2018
Created: Tue Jun 19 11:03:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8saioa/gangs_all_here/
---
https://i.redd.it/nofw0vsnoz411.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] UPDATE: Stomach pains and lack of appetite
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Tue Jun 19 10:34:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8saa1o/update_stomach_pains_and_lack_of_appetite/
---
Saw both the nurse and the doctor today, the doctor doesn't think it's hormonal and thinks it's related to the GI tract so I've been given mild lax combined with an antispasmic drug in the hopes that I'll go more frequently and the cramps will stop

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[Help] picking what to eat???
/u/orkestrels
Created: Tue Jun 19 09:50:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s9x2e/picking_what_to_eat/
---
i feel like i’m gonna cry.. going out to eat with some friends bc of course whenever people go out all social interactions revolve around food lmfao and i can’t not go :( i thought we were going to see a movie but our plans changed i guess..

can someone help me figure out what to get? it’s a ramen place that has different kinds like salt, soy sauce, miso, and spicy miso, with sides of rice that either have green onions, tofu, radish sprouts, and seaweed or grilled salmon and salmon roe. i don’t really want a side but if everyone else gets one i’m nervous about looking obvious if i pick at my ramen broth only. they already know i had some kind of ed in the past.

idk if it’s worth it to get some soup + a side and mostly drink the broth plus have some green onions or fish etc. or to just get sushi? i want to get st from the same place as my friends to not seem weird but if sushi is a better bet than any of the menu options there’s a place right next to the restaurant so i can just grab some and say i really wanted it. can someone please help a nervous wreck lol.. i seriously feel so fat for even considering eating any of this and going out :(

---

[Tip] starvation mode is a myth and plateaus are literally just your fat cells being a pain in the butt
/u/UnderwearFighter
Created: Tue Jun 19 09:23:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s9pib/starvation_mode_is_a_myth_and_plateaus_are/
---
tldr weight loss is contingent on CICO and any negative metabolic effect due to restriction is less than 20&#37; in the most EXTREME cases which is you eat like 100 calories a day, you exercise too much and lose all your muscle mass, you eat shit food, etc. — this is why anorexics continue to lose weight if they're starving themselves or eating less than 300 or whatever calories a day and not just coming to a standstill at some point. its common sense

your plateau even despite being in a deficit is because your fat cells are holding onto water in the place where there was fat before. as long as you don't shoot into surplus those fat cells will soon release that water and shrink. you're losing fat, even if it takes time to show. don't stress

if anyone wants science-y links and studies lemme know underwear out

---

People who exclusively walk for their excercise
/u/th3Y3ti
Created: Tue Jun 19 09:21:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s9p0h/people_who_exclusively_walk_for_their_excercise/
---
How many steps do you aim for a day? I feel like such a bum for only walking but it’s honestly all I really have time for.

---

Help! (Will be taken down today)
/u/BitsyTheBunny
Created: Tue Jun 19 09:17:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s9nty/help_will_be_taken_down_today/
---
Today I ate half of a pancake and i feel discusting, I need tips on what to do I feel truly psychotic, i feel like I'm gonna gain 12 pounds because of it. Pls give tips on what to do.

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[Other] So I wanted to make pasta yesterday at 4AM
/u/billiedove
Created: Tue Jun 19 08:58:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s9ig4/so_i_wanted_to_make_pasta_yesterday_at_4am/
---
... And i burned my whole hand with scalding hot water.

That, my friends, is the universe telling me I’m fat enough.

I need to get back in restrict cycle before I get back to my starting weight.

---

I'm at an absolute loss for energy to do anything at all..
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Tue Jun 19 08:55:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s9hld/im_at_an_absolute_loss_for_energy_to_do_anything/
---
I've been fasting for 16 hours now, I'm so hungry, but I know it'll only get worse once I eat. So I don't. But I'm way too tired to follow my workout regimen, I can barely move and have constant dizzy spells. My throat hurts from all the smoking and from purging up after I drank alcohol. I'm just a shell of myself..

---

[Help] how do i break this binge cycle??
/u/69plasticflowers
Created: Tue Jun 19 08:26:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s99s9/how_do_i_break_this_binge_cycle/
---
every day i manage to fast til i’m off work and then get home and lose control of myself entirely. i live with my parents so i can’t control the volume/nutrition of food in my house (my mom keeps buying butter rolls by the dozen and it’s the death of me). i work a very physically intensive job that i started about a month ago and i’ve been bingeing ever since. i used to think i was keeping my strength up to build muscle but all i’ve done is gain and maintain 4lbs.
how do i break this cycle?

---

I keep forgetting it's not Ramadan anymore.
/u/tolearnalanguage
Created: Tue Jun 19 08:22:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s98rt/i_keep_forgetting_its_not_ramadan_anymore/
---
It's 3 pm and I haven't even had water. I had a 9 kcal mint in the morning that my friend gave me but I haven't had anything else. I'm not even that hungry. I'm so glad I can just forget to eat like this now. But excuse me whilst I go chug two litres of water.

---

[Rant/Rave] I think my therapist doubts my ED [rant]
/u/venetianrosequartz
Created: Tue Jun 19 08:13:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s96df/i_think_my_therapist_doubts_my_ed_rant/
---
I saw my therapist yesterday. I actually see her bi-weekly now, stepping up from weekly for four years. In those four years she's seen a lot (relevant, I swear). I've bounced from 160 lbs to 130 lbs by restricting less than 700 calories a day, to a fluctuating weight from bulimic purging every few days, to ballooning to 230 from BED (100 lbs gained in a year).

I've even discussed my eating behaviors with her. I've talked about crying when I had a Starbucks drink that wasn't with sugar free syrup, how dizzy and exhausted I felt when I was purging a ton, and how upset I feel when I binge and waste money again and again.

She's even tried to refer me to an ED clinic (when I was purging). So why did she doubt my BED? Yesterday, she was looking up the side effects of my anti-depressant and she read out loud that people with eating disorders are more likely to have seizures on it. And she was all, "But you're fine you don't have an ED."

????

Me: "Yes I do?"

Her: "Really? What eating disorder is that?"

Me: "Binge Eating Disorder..."

Her: (sounding dismissive) "Yeah, sure."

I understand that the medication meant people with electrolyte problems like people with AN or BN can suffer a higher risk of seizures. But she just generalized those two as all eating disorders and doesn't seem to respect my issue with food.

Looking back, I realize now that when I tapered off purging she was a lot less interested in me talking about food and eating issues. She's literally a clinical therapist with a doctorate she should know that BED and EDNOS and others exist. Or if she does, she doesn't believe they are real problems.

So yeah to sum it all up, it feels good to have your therapist imply your ED is fake, your binges of 3000+ calories are normal and blowing all your money (including bill money) on food is a-okay. I really do love crying about my fake problems. /s

---

Just to lighten things up for those who need it right now (aka me): post something that makes you laugh
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Tue Jun 19 07:29:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s8v5x/just_to_lighten_things_up_for_those_who_need_it/
---
Yeah its one of those sobbing at 9 am and taking the day off work because of it...kind of days. mental illnesses suck.

so if you have one saved, post whatever dumb picture/gif/meme/youtube video you have that always makes you laugh. even if you cant explain why. cause im sure someone other than me needs it today too.

as dumb and old as it is, [heres mine](https://youtu.be/gnVag2Nwaug)

---

If you could only eat one food, don’t choose poptarts
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Tue Jun 19 07:14:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s8rmp/if_you_could_only_eat_one_food_dont_choose/
---
I was planning on doing a poptart mono w/ one SF jello today. So I did. I ate two packs (798) and I feel horrible. I decided to eat both packs in the morning and some of a SF jello cup (3) and threw the rest out. Since I had no more calorie free drinks, I had 21/2 sips of smoothie juice (13 cals).

My first pack went okay. I started feeling dizzy and light headed so had my second pack early. I started eating it but towards the end it got really sugary and gross. My mouth got dry and all I could taste was the sugar. Idk but I feel so guilty for eating that around the same time. Usually going close to the 800’s make me feel guily, but over 1000 is my absolute breaking point.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. Is fear of failure your biggest trigger too?
/u/TeaCupGirl
Created: Tue Jun 19 06:48:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s8ldc/roses_are_red_violets_are_blue_is_fear_of_failure/
---
Genuinely asking, because it's definitely my biggest of all time.

---

[Help] Crying about calories
/u/CatsAreKids
Created: Tue Jun 19 06:33:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s8hx2/crying_about_calories/
---
My usual order at Starbucks is an iced blonde latte with almond milk, totalling at 100 calories.

I’m starting to feel a little bored with it, but the amount of sugar and fat is minuscule, so I feel okay about the calorie content.

Anyway, I asked one of the baristas if there was a list of nutrition facts on the back of the syrups and there weren’t, but I decided to add two pumps of vanilla anyway.
I didn’t think it would be too bad, I’m just getting so bored with flavourless coffee...

Then once I sat down, I began to make an “order” on the Starbucks app and saw that two pumps added 80 calories.

I felt stupid for asking if I could have a different one, my usual instead, no vanilla, that I was okay with paying for it.

He told me not to worry about it.

Now I’m sitting in the coffee shop trying not to cry, it’s 80 fucking calories, it’s not a pound of lard dipped in sugar.

I feel so stupid and embarrassed.

I try not to care what people think of me, but these guys see me all the time, they probably think I’m a total weirdo now.

I should have just brought a packet of stevia from home and sprinkled a bit in my drink.

Maybe I’ll do that next time 😓

Has anyone has a similar experience?

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Frustrated myself for calorie-wasting binge on stupid sugar-free popsicles!
/u/DryBrilliant
Created: Tue Jun 19 06:24:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s8fqv/frustrated_myself_for_caloriewasting_binge_on/
---
Does anyone ever feel like you 'wasted' your calories on something you don't even like that much? I ate a sickening number of sugar-free popsicles yesterday - like an entire box. Gained a pound and a half in a single day, felt awful. I could have had a delicious pint of Halo Top instead of all those stupid sugar-free popsicles.

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[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday June 19, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jun 19 06:10:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s8col/thinspo_tuesday_june_19_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.

*****

Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 19, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jun 19 06:10:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s8cn9/daily_food_diary_june_19_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 19, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Discussion] Not really sure what recovery means for me
/u/jholtz27
Created: Tue Jun 19 05:27:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s83mg/not_really_sure_what_recovery_means_for_me/
---
My parents know about my binging/purging, and wanted me to go to outpatient for it. I got so scared of being force fed, that I immediately stopped binging and purging, after being unable to control it for months.
But now instead, I’m slowly working my way back into restriction. First at 1400 calories, then 1200, then 1100.... because I don’t want to stop losing weight.
I love feeling hungry and weightless.
But I hate being unable to function. And I hate being unhappy.

I don’t even know what I want anymore. To get better, or to keep killing myself.

---

[Discussion] Any tips on balancing a social life and restricting?
/u/dukebailey
Created: Tue Jun 19 05:03:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s7yxr/any_tips_on_balancing_a_social_life_and/
---
I feel like my social life is a total hindrance to my restriction goals - I hate being the only person who doesn’t drink at the bar or order food at a restaurant, especially in a group setting. It just kind of... ruins the mood, you know?

And when I do restrict in public, I feel like others pry for a reason why - I’m never sure what to say to avoid usual follow up questions. I’d rather not talk about it, so I either order “normally” or not go out altogether - not ideal. Can you guys relate? What do you usually say? How do you handle restricting in public?

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Mirrors
/u/RainyDayDaydream
Created: Tue Jun 19 04:30:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s7t0a/mirrors/
---
I just saw what my legs look like in the shop mirrors and I could die :)

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My mother bought me a bag of cookies...
/u/freudthepriest
Created: Tue Jun 19 03:42:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s7kxe/my_mother_bought_me_a_bag_of_cookies/
---
....so my department got surprise cookies today.

And then I threw out part of my lunch because, reasons. Anyone else regift food for work?

---

Cat
/u/Firerose157
Created: Tue Jun 19 02:54:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s7czc/cat/
---
Last night my bf made a comment about how skinny a cat is and it triggered me to ask how I could get that comment. It led to him saying Im a good skinny, the cat looks malnourished and should eat. He said he doesnt want me like that and doesn want a partner who thinks like that (wanting to be thin enough for a shocked youre skinny comment). It reminded me im not skinny and dont deserve to eat. Sucked to hear him shocked saying how skinny they are. Hes the type to believe some people are naturally skinny/petite in a way that any one else would look bad like (naturally skinny vs looking sick at the same weight)

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I replaced purging with obsessively planning unrealistic future restrictions
/u/toyouisay
Created: Tue Jun 19 02:01:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s74lz/i_replaced_purging_with_obsessively_planning/
---
I’ve been trying to stop purging, and right now if I can’t immediately exercise (which is lowkey just another form of purging, tho go harm reduction) I start planning these weeks of like 500 cal intakes and 1000 cal workout burns. I know I’ll never actually follow through completely, but it’s sooo comforting. Maybe it’s just the idea that I can fix overeating later?

Anyone else do something similar?

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The scales haven't budged... However...
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Tue Jun 19 00:59:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s6tfw/the_scales_havent_budged_however/
---
I just fit into a pair of my "goal" shorts. They're XS. So a UK 4 (us 0 I think). The last time I tried them on was about a month ago and they were so tight around my thighs. Ive been restricting like crazy and the scale hasn't been budging so I was losing all hope until now. Also, I was sat on a wall for my lunch at uni yesterday and realised that when when I squeeze my legs together whilst sat gown my thighs don't touch. It's the little things that keep me going. Today is a good day.

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Seeing the other girls
/u/babybreathheart
Created: Tue Jun 19 00:50:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s6rvj/seeing_the_other_girls/
---
I've been doing so well, I haven't binged in a long time, I've practiced so much self control and I've finally reached my goal weight. Yet still I don't have the body I want. I saw a girl I kind of know on Instagram tonight. She's a year younger than me and she's in her bikini. She's perfect. Her thin flat stomach, her perfect thighs, perfect skin, perfect smile, larger boobs. Just that photo alone made me sob for an hour. How is it that other girls seem to be so beautiful so effortlessly. It comes so naturally to them. I work so hard and yet I'll never even come close to looking like them. I want to lose even more now, I know i can be better than this.

---

[Discussion] Parents noticing weight loss.
/u/Darthvaderr13
Created: Tue Jun 19 00:42:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s6qmc/parents_noticing_weight_loss/
---
I’m currently 150 and about a month ago I started restricting more and doing OMAD. I lost 10 pounds and tonight I just binged a ton with my mom and her girlfriend. I started to feel really sick like I was going to throw up when we got home so I got in the shower and made myself throw up for the first time because I was way too nauseas. I told my mom I threw up and she asked me if I made myself. I told her no but she then told me how I had been losing weight. I’ve only lost ten pounds and two inches off of my waist and I still look disgusting. I don’t know. How do you guys deal with your parents noticing you’re losing weight? She doesn’t think I need to lose weight and she thinks I like my body the way it is.

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[Help] Not really ED but you guys are always here when I need it
/u/obama_means_family
Created: Mon Jun 18 23:42:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s6fva/not_really_ed_but_you_guys_are_always_here_when_i/
---
So in high school I told a guy I liked that I liked him and he didn't realize that's what I meant. I moved on and started dating someone else and fell in love with him. We were together for two years and I genuinely thought he was the one. Then he broke my heart and kept telling me confusing things that made my heart do somersaults. I spent a year trying to get over him and then a couple weeks ago my friend told me he had a girlfriend. I spent that night bawling and eventually pushed all my feelings down. I flew up to visit guy #1 a little over two weeks ago (still friends 4 years later) and we had sex a couple times. Before I left we agreed we would try even though long distance was gonna be really hard. Tonight my ex messaged me apologizing for the way he broke up with me and basically saying he wants me back. And apparently someone had been trying to push him to break up and had him convinced he needed to so he lied and said he didn't love me anymore. And now my emotions are all over the place. How do you choose between your first love and the guy you're dating?

On another note I purged today for the first time in a couple months. I already expected to spend at least a week if not a few months trying to remind myself that purging is bad and I do better when I just restrict but I have no idea how I'm gonna be affected by this. Like is it gonna kill my appetite and let me fast/low restrict? Or will I be binge monster who just eats until she's bored of one food then searches around looking for the *right* food but can't ever find it and then eventually flushes all her shame down the toilet?

God I'm a fucking mess

Anyway I guess just give me whatever advice y'all have because I have no clue what to do. I've never had feelings for more than one person before. My feelings for my ex are stronger but he hurt me. And in the end I know I'm gonna hurt one of them. How do I choose which one?

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[Help] I dont care anymore
/u/Klaustein7
Created: Mon Jun 18 23:25:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s6cl3/i_dont_care_anymore/
---
I just threatened my sister by telling her that I will get to 600+ lbs because she refused to take a picture of me. She snapped and I did too. I am 5'1 and about 185 lbs. Sevens months ago I was 145 lbs and was 13 lbs away from reaching a healthy bmi. I was losing weight. Now I am gaining weight. On purpose. Why? To hate myself more and it's a way of harming myself. Now I am actually considering getting to 600 lbs because I want to hate myself more. Can someone please change my mind?

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Family events this summer
/u/red_ossifrage
Created: Mon Jun 18 22:49:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s65kk/family_events_this_summer/
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There's a family reunion in rural Illinois this week and hoooo boy. I have nothing in common with 99% of my family, and find the area extremely depressing. The one semi-good thing is that the standard local diet is so drastically different from how my family eats that people don't question me not eating much.

Well. Except my grandmother, because she scrutinizes and criticizes and interrogates everybody about everything. Yyyeah, really looking forward to having my body stared at and commented on, typically for being """dangerously thin and hORRifyINg!111!!""" Not that it's really about weight, of course. It's about drama. She's constantly starting arguments with people, because they supply her with drama.

She's also very controlling, and is trying to plan my family's meals from afar because she doesn't trust my mom to "know how to find appropriate meals in an unfamiliar town." Guys, my mom has been a legal adult for 40 years. 🤦‍♀️ And, just like, NO. I'm already planning on not eating dinner the first night simply because I'm so pissed my grandmother is trying to force us to eat specific meals (and because I don't even like the """appropriate meal""" she has planned), and BOY is THAT gonna turn into a whole thing lol. But I just don't fucking care anymore. Every year I grow more intolerant of the bullshit, and at this point I'm confident enough in myself that I am 100% done getting steamrolled by the nitpicking drama train. Bring it, bro.

And if I can shave off a pound from declining meals and shit, that'd be a cool bonus, right? ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyone else have family gatherings they're dreading, whether it's for ED-ish reasons or something else?

---

2 years recovered, now back at it. So excited and my new regimen is working!
/u/Betweengreen
Created: Mon Jun 18 22:00:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5vr1/2_years_recovered_now_back_at_it_so_excited_and/
---
2 years ago, I hit my lowest weight of 98 lbs. I was ecstatic when I saw that number on the scale. Soon after, my fiance of 2 years dumped me 6 weeks before the fully planned wedding.

I moved in with my parents across the country and had no friends. During this time, I drank to blackout 5 nights a week. During my drinking binges, I ate anything and everything. I ate every food I had deprived myself of for years. Taco bell! French fries, pasta, chips etc. etc. etc.

Quickly, I gained weight. I got super into "body positivity" and followed all these instagram accounts featuring curvy women rock their weight. I thought, maybe I AM beautiful this way. I had completely refrained from weighing myself during this time. I was uncomfortable in my clothes, wore loose/baggy things, and still hated my body despite my attempt at self-love.

Then, I went to the doctor. 137lbs. I felt like I was going to throw up. I decided it was time. Time to get back to work. Time to get skinny again. It's been one month and I've lost 12 pounds.

My new routine is working SO MUCH BETTER than my old routine. I used to plan out meals, count every calorie, use a food scale, and freak out if I hate even one bite outside the regimen.

Now, I just don't eat. I don't eat all day. I do other things, the hunger kind of just passes. At night, I eat a regularly portioned dinner. I drink wine. I keep it under 1,000 calories.

And there you have it. I just eat dinner. I can kindof eat whatever I want. I can have a slice of pizza or a portion of pad thai. I don't feel deprived.

And, I'm losing weight consistently. I'm so excited to be back here and part of this awesome community!!! I can't wait to share my success with you and get back to my UGW, 95lbs.

Happy as a clam right now :)

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I need to lose 40 pounds in 60 days... do you think it's possible? Any advice?
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Mon Jun 18 22:00:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5vl7/i_need_to_lose_40_pounds_in_60_days_do_you_think/
---

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[Help] Is it possible to have lanugo at a normal BMI??
/u/binkybarnes6969420
Created: Mon Jun 18 21:55:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5ulp/is_it_possible_to_have_lanugo_at_a_normal_bmi/
---
So I’ve noticed for a long time that I have fine, blonde hair all over my stomach, chest, and butt/upper thigh area(different from normal leg hair). I’m not a particularly hairy person, and I have a BMI of 20, so idk if this is lanugo or just normal? It seems to be a somewhat recent development, but it isn’t very long or dark, nor is it on all of my body. Any ideas/experiences are appreciated.

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[Tip] I need to lose weight and I need to lose it fast... any advice? Any tips or tricks would be much appreciated 💜 thank you
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Mon Jun 18 21:30:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5pg6/i_need_to_lose_weight_and_i_need_to_lose_it_fast/
---

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[Help] Cellulite even when I’m at a normal weight?
/u/th3Y3ti
Created: Mon Jun 18 21:09:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5kre/cellulite_even_when_im_at_a_normal_weight/
---
Guys I’m disgusted with myself and also confused. So I’m at a higher weight right now but nowhere near my highest weight but i feel like I can see so much more cellulite creeping up on my thighs and it’s grossing me out. I’ve been the weight I am currently or something near it for a decent portion of my life but I’ve never had cellulite like this before. How do I fix this? Why is this happening? Why do have to be such a grotesque blob ?😩😩
Any other insights and/or solutions are appreciated

---

Fear of remaining fat
/u/queensfolly
Created: Mon Jun 18 21:07:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5kgb/fear_of_remaining_fat/
---
Hi. I usually comment but something has been running thru my brain lately and I'm curious if I'm the only one. Sorry for the long story...

This past winter was tough. I hate my job, my life and marriage seem to be stuck in this perpetual state of limbo, and I live in a very cold climate come winter, which can really crush your mental state after awhile. So I dealt with it by eating. Everything. Nothing was off limits and I ended up gaining nearly 30 pounds to my already overweight frame. Flash forward to this March. I see a photo of myself and instantly feel a rush of shame and disgust. I decide it's time to change.

Backstory : I've yo-yo dieted my whole life (weight watchers, Keto, etc) and while I've had success with most of these diets, it's usually short lived. I suffered from disordered eating / heavy restriction as a teen (the one time in my life I was at a "normal" weight); and purging in college (although I didn't really like it). I'm current 5ft 3inches for reference.

So. I decided the only way I'm going to fix this is by going back to heavy restriction. All my old thoughts/methods came flooding back. All my obsessive compulsive actions are back. I've dropped nearly 30 pounds so far and while I'm feeling happy about the progress, I've been obsessed with actually getting myself to a "normal" weight for once in my fucking life. (God do I want to know what it feels like to wear a tank top without covering my arms. Or pant size that isn't in the double digits.) but now my weight hasn't really moved. I keep trudging between 198-200 pounds and now I'm panicked. I'm talking depths of my soul, deep-rooted fear that I will NEVER get to the weight I want. I will never be thin. That I've damaged my body beyond repair and I'm doomed to always be this soft, awkward, stocky, overweight girl, and I'll never know the freedom of a normal BMI. Any time I step on that scale and I see the same number I'm filled with such anger and terror that this is it. I'm killing myself, I'm angry all the time (both because I'm not where I want to be, and because, honestly I'm fucking hungry.) I spend all day obsessing about what I can and cannot eat and when I'll go to gym. I look and progress photos of people who've lost large amounts of weight just to pacify that fact that losing this amount of weight is possible. I don't understand I don't get to be thin.

Has anyone ever felt this way?

---

Stranger on a train (all it takes to destroy you)
/u/GreigeSwan
Created: Mon Jun 18 21:00:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5inx/stranger_on_a_train_all_it_takes_to_destroy_you/
---
What do you do when a complete stranger disses you? A woman on the train today compared me to another dancer and said I was too fat to be a dancer, "all those girls have eating disorders". I could feel the words, "I have an eating disorder, thanks to stupid people like you making comments like this to me since I was a kid", but the words never came out. Instead, I stared off in disbelief as she continued to try and have a conversation with me, and then burst into tears once I exited the train car.

We never know what someone is going through. I'm too fat? Thanks lady, I may never eat again because of your ignorant comment.

---

SOS - I need to calm myself down
/u/mu514
Created: Mon Jun 18 21:00:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5im0/sos_i_need_to_calm_myself_down/
---
Are there moments you guys feel overwhelmed with anxiety or panic? What do you do to calm down? I really need to calm down right now.

(I know this question is a bit more general and may not strictly pertain to EDs, but this community is my go-to...)

---

[Discussion] Alright I gave dairy-free Halo Top a fair try
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Mon Jun 18 20:58:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5i5p/alright_i_gave_dairyfree_halo_top_a_fair_try/
---
...but after 4 different flavors, I think it’s straight up nasty. I’ll take normal halo top, or any of the other dairy free alternative out there. But that powder consistency is so not okay for me 😂

Thoughts??

---

[Discussion] Alright I have dairy free halo top a fair shake
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Mon Jun 18 20:56:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5hva/alright_i_have_dairy_free_halo_top_a_fair_shake/
---
And after 4 different flavors, I think it’s straight up nasty. I’ll take normal halo top, or any of the other dairy free alternatives out there. But that powder consistency is so not okay for me 😂

Thoughts??

---

Im currently so scared that im going to binge that Im crying.
/u/cas215
Created: Mon Jun 18 20:27:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5b0v/im_currently_so_scared_that_im_going_to_binge/
---
Yesterday was fathers day and I had to eat dinner with my family (699) so I freaked out and told myself I had to fast today. I work at a mcdonalds and was so snappy and irritable and just downright angry because i was looking at the cookies and kept imagining shoving all 3 in my mouth. I made it through, but now i get home and my mom brings me a mini cupcake (97) and i want it so bad but i cant and i know if i do, i wont stop eating and im crying and smelling the cupcake and i am such a failure for not having the strength for this and agh im going for a walk

---

Does anybody else watch ED recovery stories with pictures for inspo?
/u/Lolololrip
Created: Mon Jun 18 20:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s5abe/does_anybody_else_watch_ed_recovery_stories_with/
---
I always watch videos on youtube of recovery for inspo, especially if the before picture is of a bigger girl because its motivating to me that she has lost that much weight. Am i the only one who does this? I just try to ignore the effects when they actually recovered.

---

I wish habits were easy to break.
/u/ricerollers
Created: Mon Jun 18 20:22:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s59uf/i_wish_habits_were_easy_to_break/
---
I’ve been overeating for so long that my mind can’t comprehend eating less food. All I think about is food, all day long.
I lost 10 lbs and then I gained it right back because i can’t stop stuffing my face. Why can’t I have as much strength as some of you? I admire your willpower.
I’ll never be thin.

---

[Discussion] Mustard!
/u/abbysue715
Created: Mon Jun 18 20:16:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s58gi/mustard/
---
What are your favorite ways to use mustard? I just had some with a fat free hot dog and was blown away by the delicious tanginess of it. I know there has to be tons of other people who have found creative uses for this gem!

---

Not eating @ night to resist binges
/u/adequate-ampersand
Created: Mon Jun 18 20:12:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s57g0/not_eating_night_to_resist_binges/
---
I hope this isn't breaking the rules as a "diet tip," I was just wondering if anyone found that skipping evening meals helped stop a binge cycle. Some say that if they start eating in the morning they will eat all day and only fasting until night helps, I feel like the opposite. I've had one day in recent memory where I didn't keep eating after dinner (usually large quantities), and it felt so sweet and in control. Since I'm usually eating dinner out of "necessity" anyway (only at 500-600ish calories but not starving, you need to eat, etc.), I wonder if anyone else experiences ONLY late night binges and if they've tried this? Thx

---

[Other] Don't you just hate..
/u/nihilistatari
Created: Mon Jun 18 20:05:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s55w3/dont_you_just_hate/
---
When you are under your calorie limit. It is almost time to go to bed, you feel lighter than ever. Then.. you decide to have one small snack. It's not even going to push you over your limit! What's the harm?

...
Then you have another. And another. Then two bags of Goldfish, a giant pack of crackers, and 3 apples.

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

---

How many days do you all fast after big binges to offset them (3k+ calories)?
/u/Fastingthrowaway55
Created: Mon Jun 18 19:50:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s52ii/how_many_days_do_you_all_fast_after_big_binges_to/
---
I probably just had a 4-5k binge and feel like shit. Stomach hurts and becoming gassy.

I’m thinking of doing a multiple day fast to offset this but not sure how many days are needed? I was doing so well too and now feel so pathetic :/

---

How to stop feeling dizzy and weak?
/u/taintedlovefan69
Created: Mon Jun 18 19:43:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s50xf/how_to_stop_feeling_dizzy_and_weak/
---
Disclaimer, I don’t think I have an ed. I just went through a pretty traumatic breakup and I haven’t been able to eat for the past 3 weeks. Not just eating a little less, I’ve genuinely lost like 6 pounds. Every time I try to eat I feel sick so I’ve been stopping for a while. It’s just starting to take a bit of a physical toll on me: I’m tired all the time and I have a lot less energy. I was wondering if I could get any advice for making those subside? I don’t think I can start eating again for a while.
If anyone finds me posting this inappropriate message me or comment and I’ll delete it, thank you 💗

---

Godspeed
/u/TinyPiedPiper
Created: Mon Jun 18 19:36:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s4z2z/godspeed/
---
I know I told a few people that they could always reach out to me if they needed me, but as much as I love having a community that understands the weird thoughts and behaviors that come with EDs, I've seen before the problem of putting a group of injured, mentally ill people together. There's a lot of pent-up emotions and childhood histories that can leak out in insidious ways and I'm just not mentally well enough to deal with it, so I'm ditching this username.

I just wanted to hopefully help even one person before they got too far in, so I hope some of you listen to "I Wanna Get Better" by Bleachers and take it to heart.

*That's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself/"Hey, I wanna get better!"*

---

DAE just enjoy buying binge food and not eating it?
/u/silkangels
Created: Mon Jun 18 18:20:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s4hfp/dae_just_enjoy_buying_binge_food_and_not_eating_it/
---
I used to binge on sweets a lot when I tried to “recover” from my ED. The mentality behind that was basically “what if I never get to eat this again, I have to eat all of this NOW”, which was of course not true - it was always stuff you could easily get at any grocery store at any hour of the day.

Now with the same mindset, I just buy those foods and stash them away into a box in my room and just keep them there, untouched.

I think I’m just afraid of not having food available/someone else eating my food and when I know there’s a huge box of it under my bed, it makes the anxiety go away. I’ve started going out to buy food even when I’m fasting or when I want to reward myself. I just like knowing it’s there, if I want to eat some of it later (which I never do). Idk. Does anyone else do this?

---

[Discussion] DAE sometimes make themselves look sicker?
/u/fiyacht524
Created: Mon Jun 18 18:10:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s4f44/dae_sometimes_make_themselves_look_sicker/
---
Idk if this is just me being weird, but sometimes I make myself look more unhealthy/tired/rundown etc before going certain places.
For example before an ED related therapist appointment I'd rub at my eyes to make them bloodshot, or even use red eyeshadow to make them seem raw and sore. I also pick at my lips a lot, but before appointments I tend to do it even more so my mouth looks scabby and gross.

I think I do this partly because I want to justify attending these appointments. Even though I know I'm not thin enough to be needing them yet, I want the doctor/therapist to think that I look sick so they'll take me seriously.

Sorry if this seems like an incoherent ramble, I'm a bit drunk right now. Just wanted to see if I'm not the only one who does this????

---

[Help] feeling MORE sick after cutting back on b/p?
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Mon Jun 18 18:00:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s4cre/feeling_more_sick_after_cutting_back_on_bp/
---
Recently, i've cut back a LOT on binging and purging, from my usual 7+ a day to no more than 3, and i'm terribly proud (even though this accomplishment is only thanks to excessive drinking and smoking weed and cigarettes) but... i just feel so TIRED and washed up, and when i DO purge it hits me 10 fold.

Anyone else have to deal with this shit? Any remedies? it's really raining on my parade.

---

she's lost control again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
/u/saintandserpent
Created: Mon Jun 18 17:10:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s406p/shes_lost_control_again_ツ/
---
I've gained 10 pounds. It was slow then fast. I thought hating myself at a severe plat for months was bad but now weve had to switch up diets to this thing called "having no money so buying disgusting food in bulk to cook" is where I/my husband are at right now. And I've developed through eating more due to this stupid situation a fucking cavernous feeling of hunger all of the time. all of my "safe" foods are too expensive, I cant eat my normal routine meals.

Now I've gained. I feel each pound. I see each fat molecule. I SEE every spot I've gained weight. I can try and think to myself "ok it's 10 pounds thats fine just be good and itll go away" but i'm fucking unstoppable. I cant say no. my intrusive thoughts about food are ever present (ie, bread is a big binge food which we've never kept i the house before but do now. I wake up thinking about bread. I drive myself insane thinking about it all day from the moment I open my eyes. just trying to keep my fat hands out of the cupboard)

and now, I'm like, looking at my past "progress", I wont dare do a body check pic but Ive looked at my past ones and am like, nope i'm so much more obese than that now... all old selfies from not even long ago are triggers but not enough to FIX this. just enough to want to die.

it doesn't help that i dont see us getting out of this financial situation any time soon. it doesn't help that my metabolism has always been eat=gain weight (and i'm hypothyroid). even calculating my tdee vs what I eat, I know most days it cant be much more and yet I glanced at a bowl of cereal just now and gained 5 pounds.

sorry, rant, im just out of control in my head and body and have no sense of control over my disorder, no sense of control over what I eat... if refusing food period was an option (isnt, husband) i'd do it if nothing more than to get my head out of this.

i can blame that its because of the food he's making us buy, but I also know its so much more my own fault.

this hurts and I hate it.

---

[Help] uhhh what’s with my stomach????
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Mon Jun 18 16:50:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s3v73/uhhh_whats_with_my_stomach/
---
i highly doubt this is uncommon but im so confused with it lolol. it isn’t like a typical “empty stomach” feeling. ive drank loads of water, i ate a whole party pizza (gross binge) and ive snacked on kiwi. i have had no urge to want to binge or anything and ive been doing okay but i have this odd feeling in my stomach. not like the normal empty feeling i have time to time but it’s weird ?? and i was like “maybe i am hungry” and had a huge bowl of potato chips. i still have this feeling and have zero idea how to stop it lol. clearly drinking water or eating isn’t helping

---

[Help] What should I know about an inpatient stay?
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Mon Jun 18 16:49:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s3ux8/what_should_i_know_about_an_inpatient_stay/
---
I just got off the phone with the Sheppard Pratt ED people who recommended an inpatient stay. I’ll start as soon as beds are available. I’ve been inpatient for bipolar, but never for an ED. What’s it like?
Also I binged today, had about 600-700 calories. My usual is 200-400, will I gain weight? I’ve been drinking water and prune juice.

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] bad place. Trigger warning? Eating like a normal person for father's day backfired. Hello binge.
/u/Sidehothrowaway
Created: Mon Jun 18 16:48:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s3umd/rant_bad_place_trigger_warning_eating_like_a/
---
I posted yesterday about eating normally with my husband for father's day to give my body a break, and him. It all started fine. Actually the day ended mostly fine. Moderation moderation. Actually a lot of moderation. Only a few bites of pasta and a few cookies (still a big deal being carb-phobic). Treated myself to a dairy free halo top which is a no no for me because it still has sugar in it as a year for not overdoing it, but I still bought laxatives when I got the ice cream. Didn't take them yet, but they're there. Haven't laxed regularly in a while and I'm trying not to (once in the past 4 months because it used to be a major issue). Did have Alfredo and shoved one of the kids ice cream sandwiches in my face which gave me anxiety and a really upset stomach. But overall, not an awful day.

Then this morning starts. I manage a cafe and had to go in and do the baking so that the baker could have off. Bad news. Ginger bread scones (and raw dough...gross), muffins (and batter), so much cookie dough, chocolate chips, granola, chicken salad, pasta salad, biscuits, peanut butter with apples and granola. A bunch of brie and more cheese.
... And I even brought cookies, more muffins I ate in the car, and another biscuit that I plan on putting eggs and cheese on home for later because they turned out good. Now I'm sitting here mixing truly spiked seltzer with rum (hello resurfacing binge drinking as well)

I don't eat dairy because I'm lactose intolerant. I have a wheat sensitivity. I'm diabetic. My hands, lips, and abdomen are so swollen right now I can't move my rings or put my jeans on. So much gas it's ridiculous and the reflux is unreal. I physically am sick. I don't even want to think about checking my sugar right now because I know that shit is high. Probably not nearly as high as it used to go, bit way higher than usual.

All I wanted to do was have one fucking day off. ONE FUCKING DAY. I just wanted to be normal for one fucking day. I didn't even have a whole bowl of pasta like I wanted. I behaved. Not even a whole piece of garlic bread. I literally ate like the average person, if not better. And how does my brain treat me? Sickening binge day.

I'd rather feel like passing out and be delirious and crying over the extra 45 calories I can't have from the lemon pesto I want on my dry ass tuna than feel like this. I look like I've gained 20lbs overnight. If this turns into a whole cycle I'm checking into psych because I can't fucking do this again. I'm drinking my booze, eating the rest of my food, and passing out. In the morning I'm fucking laxing and drinking water all day and hopefully fasting for a few more.


How can people just eat normally and go on with their lives? There is either eating nothing, next to nothing, or everything available. It's been 4 or 5 months since I binged like this. I just can't fucking deal today. I'm too old for this shit and can't deal with this bullshit anymore.

---

I'm afraid of pressing the "binge button."
/u/lilialley
Created: Mon Jun 18 16:32:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s3qj2/im_afraid_of_pressing_the_binge_button/
---
People who try to convince me to eat breakfast and lunch don't understand this. I feel like, if I eat before around 5 p.m. on any day, I have just hit the "binge button." My body screams and cries for food all day. It feels like an itch that needs to be constantly scratched. Food is the only thing I think of. It often gets me stuck on a binge cycle, sometimes lasting weeks, where I gain several pounds.

If I have a couple of energy drinks and a little snack at around 5:00 or 6:00 before getting ready for bed, everything is fine. I can focus. It's not like I have food in the back of my mind constantly. It feels much better and more balanced.

Does anybody else feel like this? Any tips or tricks on how to stop eating once you've started?

---

CHECK OUT MYPANCAKEMIX - AN ALTERNATIVE TO PROED AND MYPROANA
/u/Chemical_Positive
Created: Mon Jun 18 16:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s3kd9/check_out_mypancakemix_an_alternative_to_proed/
---
[https://mypancakeaddiction.com/index.php](https://mypancakeaddiction.com/index.php)

---

Ooooohhhh, hello unplanned binged day!
/u/wishfulthinkings
Created: Mon Jun 18 16:06:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s3jfp/ooooohhhh_hello_unplanned_binged_day/
---
I am losing all sense of control today. Might as well go to town.

---

[Discussion] Do you think you’ll ever eat 100% normally again?
/u/shapay199
Created: Mon Jun 18 15:56:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s3gi7/do_you_think_youll_ever_eat_100_normally_again/
---
I just thought about how I used to eat before my ED started, and at the same time maintaining a pretty great weight, but I just can’t imagine ever going back there because the only things I can manage now is binging, fasting or counting every last calorie that touches me. Just the thought of family dinner being a normal thing fucks me up, I wish I’d not care how much is in that pasta, or the olive oil I dip my ciabatta in. Let alone casually eating some chocolate or cake. But the stuff I know now is etched in my brain and I don’t see myself not feeling guilty over things like that. I can imagine eating a healthy amount once recovered by tracking, but I just lost hope that I’ll ever have a completely healthy relationship with food and eat intuitively and freely. This makes me so sad. I miss being normal.

---

[Discussion] How do you keep yourself busy while at home?
/u/Soybeansandsprouts
Created: Mon Jun 18 15:52:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s3fe8/how_do_you_keep_yourself_busy_while_at_home/
---
So I’m trying to do OMAD for the next month. I head up to campus around 7:30 and am done with work and home by 4:00. I’m living alone since it’s summer and my roommates went back home. I like it and this past weekend I threw out all my triggering foods that I could binge on. sidenote: I found that there are very few things I can’t binge on :(

Once I start eating it’s really hard for me to stop :( I don’t have classes so there’s nothing to study for and I’m trying to work on my research poster or read but I can’t keep the ED thoughts out of my head. I’ll just sit there think by about food and planning out meals for the week. When it’s cold, I’ll make tea and snuggle up with a book but it’s so freaking hot and humid now. What do you guys do to keep food/ed thoughts away in the evening?

---

Has anyone lost weight w/ Poptarts?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Mon Jun 18 15:37:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s3be3/has_anyone_lost_weight_w_poptarts/
---
I’m planning on eating one tommorow but that will be the only thing I eat and maybe something else light. I’ll also eat it throughout the day. Cookie dough and poptarts spitz (cheesecake and strawberry) are the only ones that I’ll eat, since their 390 for both.


So here are a few of my questions about these.

Has anyone tried a poptart mono and had successful results?

What are your favorite flavors?

Do you eat them freezed, toasted/ microwaved, cold, or room temperatured?

I don’t warm the fruit flavors, but cookie dough I’ll heat up and it gets warm and gooey like.

---

[Rant/Rave] aw nuts
/u/absoluteunits
Created: Mon Jun 18 15:33:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s3a9x/aw_nuts/
---
i was saving all my calories today for a big dinner with my bf but as soon as I got home i was like “a healthy snack wouldn’t hurt” and i ended up eating 350 calories worth of nuts ;~; i feel so dumb... i have 450 cal left for what was going to inevitably be a lot of caloric garbage but it would’ve been fine... waaahhh this sucks

---

thought this would interest you guys!
/u/cottonlung
Created: Mon Jun 18 15:30:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s39jx/thought_this_would_interest_you_guys/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/8rzx78/eli5_the_difference_between_a_500_calorie/

---

[Goal] ANGULAR FACE
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Mon Jun 18 15:26:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s38cn/angular_face/
---
Hugely noticeable face change today! Glanced in the mirror to see my jaw bones clearer than before - will need to weigh myself when I am back home to see if I’m down from 49kg yet.

Also was catered for at work (for the first time in ages) and haven’t seen the kitchen staff in two weeks, but they stared at me and said I look much skinnier and would I come in for breakfast tomorrow?

Downside of the day - VERY COLD though everyone else is wearing t-shirt

---

[Discussion] What’s your opinion on ED “awareness” and ED recovery photos/stories
/u/MisledDread
Created: Mon Jun 18 14:57:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s300e/whats_your_opinion_on_ed_awareness_and_ed/
---
Every now and then, I come across social media posts where celebrities, models, or just everyday people open up about their past struggles with an eating disorder in order to raise awareness. They’ll share some story about their insecurities, their crazy past dieting techniques, and their journey to recovery. Usually they’ll post a before and after photo which shows how skinny and sickly they looked while suffering from an eating disorder and then they’ll show their “happier and healthier” recovery body.

I always feel conflicted about these kinds of posts. On one hand, I understand that they are proud of themselves and some people find their transformation inspiring but, on the other hand, I don’t really understand how these kinds of posts actually help those also suffering with an ED. What’s the point of “raising awareness” by showing an image of how skinny you used to be? I feel like the only people who are inspired by these posts are people who don’t have eating disorders.

Idk...maybe I’m just thinking too harshly. I’m curious, what is your opinion on those types of ED awareness posts? Do you find them inspiring? Triggering? Do you roll your eyes at them or do they make you feel less alone? Do they encourage you to seek out recovery or no?

---

[Other] obsessively exercising😩💦😜🤙🏻
/u/cottonlung
Created: Mon Jun 18 14:52:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s2yof/obsessively_exercising/
---
https://i.redd.it/yw19zjrlot411.jpg

---

Pizza is satanic
/u/imjustpassingthru2
Created: Mon Jun 18 14:34:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s2tiw/pizza_is_satanic/
---
I can't get it out of my head. What do I do?!

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[Discussion] Has anyone here tried the ABC diet?
/u/nihilistatari
Created: Mon Jun 18 14:32:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s2sxe/has_anyone_here_tried_the_abc_diet/
---
I am starting it today.

---

Someone is stalking me
/u/Lucifers_Girlfriend
Created: Mon Jun 18 14:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s2ru7/someone_is_stalking_me/
---
I’ve received several messages from unknown numbers/users on my phone.

I’m terrified. Way to lose my appetite.

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[Tip] Pro tip : Do not eat marshmallows if you're going to purge
/u/sad_skelly
Created: Mon Jun 18 13:25:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s297k/pro_tip_do_not_eat_marshmallows_if_youre_going_to/
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Learn from my mistakes folks.

Some marshmallows I threw up wouldn't flush down and I scooped them up with a mug and threw them in the sink.

I clogged the sink. :(

---

[Rant/Rave] Not necessarily ED related, but why don’t people understand boundaries?
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Mon Jun 18 13:19:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s27j2/not_necessarily_ed_related_but_why_dont_people/
---
So yesterday my moms like “you’re anorexic” and then just berates me with questions I don’t want to answer, then gets mad when I give half assed answers. She then proceeds to tell me I can’t make proper decisions and it’s all on her to make the calls to the people and shit. I tell her not to and my dad agrees. But what does she do? She takes off work and calls all these people without telling me. Then she has me make the last few calls. And she just gets mad and yells at me to eat. What really pissed me off is saying I can’t make decisions. Like the fuck. I hospitalized myself before I think I can make good decisions. And she’s so over bearing.
My dad is better but still annoys me. He’s just doesn’t understand why I don’t eat. But at least he respects to not berate me with questions and understand privacy.
Now my bf is annoying me because he expects me to be emotionally available when I’m not. He says he’s having a bad day and complains about not knowing when he see me. I told him I have more pressing matters and then he just got more upset and says I’m never there. I’m sorry I’m the one that might actually go inpatient.
And people wonder why I shut them out.

---

headache while restricting?
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Mon Jun 18 13:07:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s24op/headache_while_restricting/
---
i get these intense headaches towards the end of the afternoon whenever i restrict heavily... anyone knows what to do against that? i have a pretty active job so i can’t just take it easy and ride it out.

---

[Rant/Rave] Rant about social media
/u/trappedinaclub
Created: Mon Jun 18 12:40:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s1wur/rant_about_social_media/
---
I was just on Health magazine’s Instagram and saw [this](https://instagram.com/p/BkF7SOOn950/) and was kind of pissed. Like is it just me or do all these “health and fitness” magazines and blogs and accounts like laugh at ED habits??? Like, no you probably don’t think about food all the time, and if you do, then there’s probably something wrong??? Like they try to make it seems like it’s cool to have a mentality towards food that’s very similar to an ED but actually having an eating disorder is out of the question. Like our society seriously encourages binging (lookin at you Halo Top) like HELLO BINGING IS NOT FUCKING GOOD.

Fuck I don’t even know where I’m going with this rant. Just fuck our society for encouraging a binge culture.

---

anyone else feel weak so often?
/u/cottonlung
Created: Mon Jun 18 12:00:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s1llg/anyone_else_feel_weak_so_often/
---
i’ve been eating at or above my TDEE for almost the whole week and yet if i go like 4 hours without eating or something i feel like death has hijacked my body???

---

That’s one way to stop yourself from ~lowkey~ binging
/u/FoxyLady1357
Created: Mon Jun 18 11:48:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s1i49/thats_one_way_to_stop_yourself_from_lowkey_binging/
---
https://i.redd.it/9wsmcicqrs411.jpg

---

[Discussion] Venting thread! (Hope the mods are fine with this)
/u/ITalkALoooot
Created: Mon Jun 18 11:45:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s1h0e/venting_thread_hope_the_mods_are_fine_with_this/
---
Sometimes, life kicks your ass and you just need to vent. It always feels better when you talk about it (or not). Sooo yea.

---

[Rant/Rave] Snacking at work
/u/pnwgirl98
Created: Mon Jun 18 11:38:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s1f3c/snacking_at_work/
---
I work at a Starbucks and all my coworkers are always snacking on pastries and stuff since we’re allowed free food (especially the things that go out each night) and I’m always sucked into it with them and feel SO CRAPPY afterwards. I’m such a pig. I’ve been trying my best to resist binging there by bringing my own snack to have on break and forcing myself to only have that. I HATE it.

---

Non-eating related, eating disorder habits?
/u/PermanentHysteria
Created: Mon Jun 18 11:35:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s1ebt/noneating_related_eating_disorder_habits/
---
Has anyone noticed their ED affecting other parts of their life, not in a food way? Like I used to just count calories, but since I started keeping a budget, I'm checking it twice and day and balancing it all the time. It's helped divert some food-type stress but now I'm just wondering if I haven't made any progress in this disorder, just repackaged it.

Can anyone relate? I also will inventory my fridge/freezer/cabinets and make spreadsheets of the remaining quantity and nutrition content and create "mealplans" based on what's in the cupboards for fun.

---

[Rant/Rave] i hate bulimia
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Mon Jun 18 11:28:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s1c6y/i_hate_bulimia/
---
bulimia is gross and ugly it makes me feel gross and ugly that i cant control it
i will never be the perfect girl i want to be even when im skinny because this fucking eating disorder is ruling my whole fucking life
the only time i feel ok is when i fast and even then my stupid fucking body wants to throw up lemon water

---

[Discussion] People who've done OMAD- what's the thinking behind it?
/u/DrWoph
Created: Mon Jun 18 11:23:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s1aso/people_whove_done_omad_whats_the_thinking_behind/
---
Hi everyone.

Been seeing a lot of posts lately re one meal a day, aka OMAD. It's a method I've never tried personally, and I just wondered what people who'd experienced it, thought. Eg was it helpful in any way, why did you do it, etc?

Thanks so much for any contributions

---

[Discussion] @ Anyone Who Has Lost 60+ Lbs
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Mon Jun 18 10:56:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s12re/anyone_who_has_lost_60_lbs/
---
Have you experienced loose skin? My biggest biggest fear is getting to my gw and having loose skin. I’m only 21 and I know the younger you are, the more likely your skin is to adjust- but 60 lbs is a pretty large number and I’m just really worried that all my hard work will be for nothing.

Also if anyone has any before/after pictures of their loss after ~50-60+ lbs that’d be lovely! I feel like larger transformations don’t get a lot of representation in this reddit!

---

A customer's comment at work
/u/baddestb1tch
Created: Mon Jun 18 10:55:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s12i1/a_customers_comment_at_work/
---
I just work a retail job, and I was at my highest when I started there. Yesterday a regular came in, so I said hello, the usual greeting. She told me "You're shrinking!"

I know it's such a small comment, but it made me feel so good to hear that. Some people will say like "you've lost weight" but something about the idea of "shrinking" makes me feel way better about the acknowledgement. Idk I like the idea that I'm disappearing lmao

---

[Discussion] Has anyone here done an extended fast? How long were you able to go for?
/u/JeffBezosBunghole
Created: Mon Jun 18 10:48:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s10q2/has_anyone_here_done_an_extended_fast_how_long/
---
I have absolutely NO self control when it comes to eating and I can't stand it. I'm not gaining weight, but I'm not where I want to be. Has anyone ever fasted to their goal weight? How did it go? Tips? Advice? Thanks

---

Whale in a sea of dolphins
/u/Exmayshun357
Created: Mon Jun 18 10:47:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s10g2/whale_in_a_sea_of_dolphins/
---
I have this friend, we sent nudes and pics of us with other people to each other (we live in separate states) it's fun for the both of us, and it helps that he's super hot. He showed me the other girls in his rotation (I usually only see two or three) and THEY'RE ALL SUPER SKINNY. RIDICULOUSLY SO. ALL OF THEM. and here I am equal to about two of them put together. How does he like looking at my body Jesus christ. Anyway, feeling super bad and wondering if I'm just a novelty to him or something. Over here breaking my own damn heart.

---

i got a car
/u/dollydomer
Created: Mon Jun 18 10:44:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s0zct/i_got_a_car/
---
it’s my birthday and my grandparents got me a car WHICH MEAANSSS when i get my license i can leave the house when i want and ultimately fake eating yano?? i can leave the house and say i’m going out to eat HELLLL YEAAA

---

[Discussion] DAE wonder how they fit into their old clothes?
/u/shharkie
Created: Mon Jun 18 10:21:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s0t74/dae_wonder_how_they_fit_into_their_old_clothes/
---
Summer of last year, I was probably 10-15 pounds heavier than I am right now. I am wearing a pair of shorts that I actually BOUGHT last summer- and they are /tight/ on me right now. I know I was wearing my belt about 3 notches looser, and my legs had NO gap between them at all, but I wore these shorts almost every day last summer. How did I do it? Does anyone else have similar experiences?

---

I need advice on severe body dysmorphia and a potential eating disorder that may be harming me physically and mentally.
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Mon Jun 18 10:05:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s0ogh/i_need_advice_on_severe_body_dysmorphia_and_a/
---
Hey. I've always been having difficulties coming to terms with my body. I would look in the mirror and see someone who I am not satisfied with. I am not fat but my proportions make me feel like I am (i.e fat upper arms, "man" hands, some abdominal fat - the rest of my body is pretty skinny). The complex I've been having with myself ruined my lifestyle, giving me no chance of properly enjoying myself with others without having to think of how others think of me or how I look like and ruining my social life as a result. Some 7 months ago I tried to change that. I started dieting. I downloaded this app called myfitnesspal and recorded my daily caloric intake, restricting myself to about 800-1000 calories per day. A couple months later I have lost 16 pounds, officially becoming underweight. My period has stopped and hasn't come back since. My doctor warned me of potential eating disorders if I continue following the same path, so I began eating more and returned to a healthy weight by gaining back 10 pounds. But a couple months and a gynecologist appointment later I am told that the reason my period has been discontinuing since my first diet fiasco was that I still have a caloric deficiency (and a thyroid problem which I had since I was 7, but I've been taking adequate supplements to counteract that). Problem is I would have changed my eating behavior if only the way I felt about my body changed as well. Calorie counting has not only become an addiction but the relationship I've been having with my body hasn't changed in any way.

Also if this will clarify any better I am a teenage female currently weighing 108 pounds and 5'3 (19.1 BMI) - currently maintaining the weight.

TL;DR: My period has stopped ever since I've started dieting 7 months ago, but I hate my body and am addicted to counting my calories. I am NOT anorexic, but afraid that I have an eating/body image disorder and I'm harming my overall health and body image. What do I do?

---

T R I G G E R ' D
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Mon Jun 18 09:59:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s0ms2/t_r_i_g_g_e_r_d/
---
i havent been on here much because i was starting to feel like i could be normal, lose weight and maintain like a normal person.

today i found out that i am actually 4cm shorter than i thought i was, which translates to fatter than i thought i was.

guess who just halved their calorie limit.

---

[Discussion] For those of you that do/have done OMAD has it worked for you?
/u/uncommonlyaverage
Created: Mon Jun 18 09:54:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s0l8m/for_those_of_you_that_dohave_done_omad_has_it/
---
I have been purging so much lately. Even when I eat small amounts. I want to be able to keep down a full meal. I have no issues restricting during the morning and afternoon, but I get really hungry at night and have strong urges to eat and then purge. I want to stop purging, but I'm not ready to give up restricting. Once I lose a few more pounds I intended to switch to maintenance, and I feel like it would be impossible for me to eat 3 meals a day to eat at maintenance with my current habit of eating less than 500 calories of small amounts of food throughout the day. If I eat a regular low cal meal it feels like a binge, and I know that's ridiculous and I need to stop purging so much as it is clearly bad for my health. I feel like OMAD will help me restrict and stay in my calorie limit, while allowing me to more easily switch to maintenance down the road. Also I can eat regular food for once.

Has OMAD helped reduce your purging? What time do you eat your meal? How much/what do you eat? Has it helped with restricting?

Thanks!

---

*TW SH/Suicide* Cutting doesn't feel as good as restricting does for me anymore.
/u/KlokWerkN
Created: Mon Jun 18 09:42:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s0hu5/tw_shsuicide_cutting_doesnt_feel_as_good_as/
---
I have been restricting pretty hard (0-400 cal) for the past month and a half and I'm down about 35 lbs, and every time I restrict and fast for weeks successfully It triggers my hypomania (Bipolar 2). For the longest time my "best" coping skill was cutting, especially on my arms. I've been cutting for almost 8 years now and struggling with my ED for 2 years, and after a really depressing weekend I spent most of my early Monday morning self harming but it just didnt give me the same endorphin rush as restricting until my blood pressure crashes and I feel faint and dizzy all day. I feel ashamed that I ruined my arms after I hadn't done anything to them for almost a year. But when I restrict it seems like everything gets better in my own fucked up way. I do feel suicidal but I would rather just give in and slowly wither away. I internalize so much pain and disappointment that I want the outside of my body to be as sick as I feel on the inside.

---

[Help] Is it possible to feel fat being stored on your body as it’s happening?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Mon Jun 18 09:33:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s0ffj/is_it_possible_to_feel_fat_being_stored_on_your/
---
Went through a period of restriction which ended up ending due to my mum staying with me and having coursework stress, and since then even though I’m not underweight I’ve been intensely hungry all of the time and I’m struggling to restrict again. So I’ve been eating more. Sometimes in the evening after a meal or a bad day of eating I swear I can feel fat being stored on my body. It’s almost like a twitching in my leg or other body part except it doesn’t feel like it’s in the muscle. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, but I just want to know if it’s in my head or if it’s a legit thing you can feel.

---

[Discussion] Skinny youtubers?
/u/coffeeanddietcokee
Created: Mon Jun 18 09:21:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s0c1r/skinny_youtubers/
---
Who are your favorite skinny youtubers, who post specifically food/health related content? I love Christie Unger & her personality.

Do you have any favorites?

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[Help] Heat Advisory
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Mon Jun 18 09:16:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s0ako/heat_advisory/
---
So part of my lunch eating ritual is to take an hour long walk almost immediately after. I usually do this in any kind of weather but there’s a heat advisory out today.

I was planning on taking lots of water with me but I’m worried about the feasibility of this? I know I could “just” not do it but with hair loss/stress I really need the feeling of control.

So far I’m feeling a bit lightheaded but have been drinking lots of water. Am I risking heat stroke if I have a lot of water with me and avoid super sunny areas?

---

[Other] BMI questions and weirdness
/u/bearantennae8611
Created: Mon Jun 18 09:11:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8s099w/bmi_questions_and_weirdness/
---
So I work at a doctor’s office, and a patient who is female is 5’7 and weighs 114 lbs had a BMI of 24.67. I’m only an inch taller than her, and if I weighed that much my BMI would be considered underweight. I don’t understand how an inch can make that much of a difference?! Can someone explain this? I don’t really care for BMI measurements anyways, but this just seems crazy.

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[Rant/Rave] Getting weighed at the doctor
/u/bodybycoke
Created: Mon Jun 18 08:33:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rzyjp/getting_weighed_at_the_doctor/
---
I hate that this is standard. I moved home last month and have been eating/binging like a psycho monster because of family pressure, and I /knew/ I had gained weight, but I really didn’t want to see it. I gained 4 pounds. I know I have clothes and stuff on but it’s still devastating, and I was too anxious to ask them not to make me step on the scale. I’m having surgery next week and was trying not to freak out and heavily restrict before or during recovery, but now here I am horrified by the idea of eating anything.

---

[Help] Still dizzy after purging 2 hours ago?
/u/SpacePrinxePhoenix
Created: Mon Jun 18 07:34:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rzj9j/still_dizzy_after_purging_2_hours_ago/
---
I purged after my lunch which is now 2 hours ago and I still feel really dizzy and I get terrible pangs of pain in my stomach to the point I can't move. I've been drinking water since but it doesn't seem to help...


[little backstory BC I need to get this of my chest]
I spend the whole weekend studying for my Dutch oral exam and it went so so terribly bad. I learned all writers from the 17th century till 1945, but got asked to explain those after 1945 and just it's so stupid but if I fail this exam I probably also fail my whole year which means I need to redo my senior year. I'm so stressed and I feel like a complete failure.

---

How do you guys deal with your skin?
/u/Tosser4578o
Created: Mon Jun 18 07:27:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rzhth/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_your_skin/
---
I've lost a decent amount of weight... enough that my skin is saggy and I feel like I look like I'm in my 90s (I'm in my mid 20s)... do you guys have any coping mechanisms? I hate that it'll only get worse as I lose more and I can't go back to being fat and I don't know how to fix it... even if I had the money for it there isn't enough for a plastic surgeon to consider me for skin removal but there's more than enough to make me feel like shit about myself.

---

Need a friend to stop me from eating
/u/catherinethegreat-
Created: Mon Jun 18 07:27:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rzhrw/need_a_friend_to_stop_me_from_eating/
---
I just joined this group yesterday, I’m 24 years old and have been struggling to not binge. I need to lose weight for my sanity, but I need someone to talk to who understands and can distract me. I have no friends, and my family is so judgmental and they make me feel like shit. Please help!!!

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[Rant/Rave] Wow I ate so much I’m a piece of shit I wish I was dead
/u/belle_gry
Created: Mon Jun 18 07:26:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rzhgm/wow_i_ate_so_much_im_a_piece_of_shit_i_wish_i_was/
---
2460 calories. Can’t even purge much. It just won’t come up. Just water and a few pieces of solids. But I ate so much solid food I can’t believe it can even fit in me. I can’t believe I even let myself eat that much food let alone could fit it in me. I hate myself so much I wish I was dead because this is disgusting fuck fuck fuck I just needed to vent. I’m such a fat disgusting piece of shiiiiiiiit. Fuck you fuck you fuck you.

---

[Other] Hahaha Targeted Ads
/u/sad_diner
Created: Mon Jun 18 06:59:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rzavc/hahaha_targeted_ads/
---
So, I'm relapsing hard rn (31st birthday in a university town, so sad) and all of a sudden almost every single ad on every platform is for online therapy or meditation apps. The future is creepy, but it's nice to see the all-knowing algorithm cares.

Get this though. The rest of the targeted ads (about 5%) are for local gyms. Invasive, but hilarious. Do your targeted ads know about your ed?

---

Weekly Stats Update! June 18, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 18 06:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rz12a/weekly_stats_update_june_18_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for June 18, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 18, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 18 06:13:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rz11g/daily_food_diary_june_18_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 18, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

How the hell do you have an ED and live with your SO?
/u/domesticwildthing
Created: Mon Jun 18 06:03:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ryyoi/how_the_hell_do_you_have_an_ed_and_live_with_your/
---
I woke up literally heart pounding panicked. I'm moving in with my boyfriend in less than two weeks and I'm so excited, but terrified because how am I going to operate my ED with him around ALL THE TIME?

Last night I had a dream he walked in on me purging. I was just covered in vomit and kneeling over the toilet and he starting yelling at me, like screaming.

And I know that's not what would happen cause he knows I do struggle with that, and he's so compassionate.

But how am I supposed to use my fucking laxitives and purge and buy weird food and do weird shit with it, and fast now?

I feel like I'm just going to stop eating. I don't know what to do.

How do other people deal with it? I'm so ashamed of my ED. It's stupid, I'll make fucked up jokes about it, but I've never talked to him about it seriously, so like he's aware but not really.

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[Goal] I'm at goal when there's not an ounce of water in my body...
/u/luxmagicka
Created: Mon Jun 18 05:53:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rywqi/im_at_goal_when_theres_not_an_ounce_of_water_in/
---
I drank 11 ounces of gin last night so I know it's not my REAL WEIGHT but kind of nice seeing that number for the first time.

---

Oh, you really don’t have to remind me.
/u/pushatMD
Created: Mon Jun 18 05:48:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ryvqh/oh_you_really_dont_have_to_remind_me/
---
https://i.redd.it/sry26rfizq411.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I went on a binge fml
/u/throwawayAnon_
Created: Mon Jun 18 05:47:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ryvld/i_went_on_a_binge_fml/
---
Couldn't control myself , I feel pretty gross and now I have a belly in the mirror I don't even want to check my weight looks like I'm not eating till I drop down to 53kg

---

looks like ive managed to involve someone else in this thing…
/u/throwowawayayy
Created: Mon Jun 18 05:06:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ryniq/looks_like_ive_managed_to_involve_someone_else_in/
---
When I was in my early teens, a friend and I went on a rather long walk to another friend’s place at night. We had no reason to go there. Neither of us particularly wanted to. All things considered, it was really rather stupid. And neither of us would’ve gone if the other wasn’t there. But we did it anyway, because one of us dared the other as a joke, and the other accepted as a joke, and then neither of us wanted to disappoint the other cos we both thought the other one was serious. Together, we accidentally peer pressured each other to do something we never would’ve done individually. The peer pressure was so strong, we didn’t even admit to each other our true feelings until afterwards. ‘Wait… what does this have to do with eating disorders?’ Well, after some consideration, I finally did it: I hopped onto the thinspo subreddit, found the ‘buddies’ thread, and roped some innocent stranger into my eating… thing. (I refuse to say disorder as I’ve not been diagnosed with one, and regularly eat >1500 calories per day, but I definitely have an eating ‘thing’.) She’s pretty close to me in age and height. A bit heavier, but I wouldn’t have it any other way - I’m not exactly comfortable being a ‘weight loss buddies’ with someone who’s underweight or close to it. (Encouraging an underweight person to become even more underweight and endanger themselves, while I watch from the shelter of a perfectly healthy BMI? That’s just messed up.) I’m taking control of my eating by giving that control to someone else. Which I think says something really profound about the nature of control, in a way that I can’t quite put into words. Frankly, getting my fat ass to lose even a little bit of weight is a monumental task that I just don’t have the self control for. But now, I won’t have to. It’s funny, cos for about a week before this I was doing pretty well with… whatever the equivalent of ‘recovery’ is for people who never had real EDs in the first place. But now? I’m back in restriction mode, and I’m fully ready to let it swallow up my entire life! Hell yeah!!! If I wanna stop eating altogether, all I have to do is promise my buddy I’m going to. Then I’ll have to do it, cos if I don’t, I’ll be letting her down. Right?! ...Yeah, this girl really doesn’t need me in her life. She’s just tryna do something good for her health by losing weight, assumably in a reasonable, safe way, and I’m gonna get my gross, maladaptive shit all over her. ...Or not. She did say she believes in ‘starvation mode’, and though that term makes me roll my eyes internally, it’s a reassuring sign that she wants to lose the weight slowly and steadily. Either way, we’re in this together, for better or worse.

---

[Rant/Rave] Muscle weighs more than fat
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Mon Jun 18 04:57:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rylq0/muscle_weighs_more_than_fat/
---
So it's me again (sorry for posting so much) the person who has stomach pains and possible hormone issues 🙃. I went out and spent £20 mostly on binge food because I'm sad and feel disgusting anyway. I've just sat down and was all ready to open the pack of bacon and make super crispy bacon and bagels and all I can think is the comments my sister made 'muscles weigh more than fat, you're fat Astraeus' and 'you have a bag for life chin'. I'm on the verge of tears in my kitchen with a shit ton of chocolate, two packs of English muffins, streaky bacon and bagels near me and I just can't eat them because that's all I can hear now. I got my 66 cal cereal bars though!

TL;DR: I'm a disaster piece.

---

Stress + anxiety = not eating. Depression = binge-eating
/u/cocionut
Created: Mon Jun 18 04:50:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rykct/stress_anxiety_not_eating_depression_bingeeating/
---
Does anyone feel the same way? In a fucked up way, my recent relapse is making me want to continue living in stress, because I want to drop weight SO BADLY!!

---

[Rant/Rave] Wow. Didn't weigh myself when I'm at a new LW. I guess I'll never know.
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Mon Jun 18 04:26:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ryg64/wow_didnt_weigh_myself_when_im_at_a_new_lw_i/
---
This weekend I visited my grandparents. They have two scales in their house. Two more than I usually have bc my parents got rid of ours.

Yesterday I weighed in at 91. New LW. Ate under my TDEE all day and had a huge poop this morning.

Forgot to fucking weigh myself before we left.

So now I'll never know if I'd have seen that coveted "90" or even "89" on the scale. I was gonna start gaining today but this stupidly makes me wanna keep losing until I get access to a scale again, which is very unlikely to happen for a long while.

I just can't believe myself. Lol. I am so stupid. So frustrated. Gr. Just needed to get this out.

---

[Rant/Rave] Job interview?
/u/damnitjanet6
Created: Mon Jun 18 03:46:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ry987/job_interview/
---
I'm majorly stressed out right now.

I'm so overdrawn on my bank account. I just found out that I'm going to have to pay cancellation fees on my Internet, which will make me even more overdrawn. I binged so so badly last night and spent money I didn't have and I have insane stomach cramps and bloating and it hurts so bad. I'm sitting on the floor of my bedroom crying while all my friends argue.

And I have a job interview in like two hours..

My logic brain wants me to eat an apple before the interview. My ED/anxiety brain wants me to fast for like three days. I feel so sick and disgusting and bloated and fat. No one is going to want to employ me lol

---

Can't eat like a normal human being
/u/AmShitAtUsernames
Created: Mon Jun 18 03:41:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ry8fi/cant_eat_like_a_normal_human_being/
---
I started my "willpower" program yesterday, which is basically me only eating when people tell me to eat, and if I eat I only eat one portion. Yesterday I did just that, my first meal was dinner which my grandpa had made, and I only ate 1 portion (I usually eat 2-3). I also ate some noodles later because my boyfriend told me to. Yesterday I was 62.2kg, and today I was 62.8kg.. idk what's wrong with me, I just can't eat like a normal person. I've decided that from now on I'll only eat 1 potato,,1 scoop of whatever's for dinner etc. Hunger isn't the problem, only my brain deciding to change it's mind over and over is. :(

---

[Help] Can anyone help me with calorie burns/activity levels in regards to working as a cleaner?
/u/fuckthislol
Created: Mon Jun 18 03:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ry39b/can_anyone_help_me_with_calorie_burnsactivity/
---
Hey guys, so I've gotten a new job, mostly cleaning, and apparently it's super confusing to my fitbit, which seems to think me mopping and making beds is actually me taking a lot more steps than I actually am,
So my sense of physical activity level is very much off atm, and I know it's not a thing to eat back exercise calories, but I'm very much in a BED/EDNOS phase atm and it would be handy to at least have an idea of how much I'm burning so I've at least got an idea of when I'm going over tdee.
So does anyone know maybe what activities mopping/cleaning/making beds may be similar to in terms of calorie burn?
Otherwise, say I'm doing about 6 hrs cleaning a day, around 2 or more also stood up/milling about, but then very little of anything else, what activity level would this be close to on a TDEE calculator? Lightly or would it bump up to moderately active? Some days will take a couple of the cleaning hours and instead be picking pumpkins/picking wood/something farmy.
I'm in a very different lifestyle atm, so I just want an idea of where I can at least maintain at, before trying to work towards restriction again :)
Thanks! ☺️

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I finally Told My Mother
/u/teagreenthin
Created: Mon Jun 18 02:30:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rxx0y/i_finally_told_my_mother/
---
Hey, i'm new to reddit and really wanted some advice.

I've had an un-diagnosed ED for around 2 years now and remained undetected by my parents but admitted it to my mother last night, she said that she was going to talk to me about it today and I don't know what to expect.

I just wanted to know other peoples experiances with telling their parents and seeing doctors about it for the first time and what to expect as i'm really paranoid about it.

Thank You xx

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Any alternatives to MFP?
/u/SlipMitts
Created: Mon Jun 18 02:08:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rxtp2/any_alternatives_to_mfp/
---
The constant 'DATA CONSENT' messages are making it impossible for me to use. Plus I'm forced to consent to them moving my data into the US and also sharing it with third parties, with the only alternative being to ..delete my account?? I can't find anywhere where they talk about who their third parties even are (if you find it please let me know) or where they store the data. Shady AF.

What non-MFP tools do you use? Ideally with an accompanying iOS app.

---

[Rant/Rave] I put on 4kgs over the weekend and I’m fucking done.
/u/losemore
Created: Mon Jun 18 02:04:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rxt1h/i_put_on_4kgs_over_the_weekend_and_im_fucking_done/
---
This weekend I really let myself go. Drank a bottle of wine on both Friday and Saturday night and ate around 2500 calories both days, also ate around 1200 calories today which is a lot for me since I usually restrict down to around 400 or less.
I just weighed myself to assess the damage AND IVE GAINED 4 FUCKING KGS SINCE FRIDAY FUCK.

Somebody PLEASE assure me that most of this is water weight!! I’m so fucking angry at myself right now, but the plus side is food won’t be touching these lips until that weight has gone.

Hello Diet Coke and water, it’s been a couple of days.

---

Are there any missing vitamins from the A-Z I take daily? Anything I should be adding to my routine as well as this vitamin? Thanks in advance!
/u/DenyMyHunger
Created: Mon Jun 18 01:14:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rxkw4/are_there_any_missing_vitamins_from_the_az_i_take/
---
https://imgur.com/XnNVmCC

---

I forced myself to throw up and the contents were red.
/u/justaskthebear
Created: Mon Jun 18 00:12:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rxa67/i_forced_myself_to_throw_up_and_the_contents_were/
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I didn’t eat or drink anything red. Is it blood?should I be worried?
I drank a bit tonight.

---

ED Starter Pack
/u/Firerose157
Created: Sun Jun 17 23:59:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rx7vs/ed_starter_pack/
---
https://imgur.com/a/hGQ8799

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[Rant/Rave] Him being interested in another woman makes me ed worse.
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Sun Jun 17 22:51:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rwvll/him_being_interested_in_another_woman_makes_me_ed/
---
So I found out from his ROOMATE of all people that my boyfriend found another girl he's interested in more. She's 19. I'm 21. All I can think is that she's prettier and skinnier than me.

All I can thank him for is my steady decline from 118 to 108 pounds last month. I was going to eat to put weight back on but not anymore :) I'm stupid and want to punish myself. I literally just found this out now and his roommate had to stop me from driving home high and drunk

I guess him looking at skinny Asian girl porn and going on tinder in my face is a big hint and I'm stupid. Whatever. I don't even care anymore. I don't want to eat and I want to die

---

How much weight do you lose overnight (while you sleep)?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Sun Jun 17 21:56:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rwkpe/how_much_weight_do_you_lose_overnight_while_you/
---
Just curious!

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Active Fitbit friends!
/u/killerxcatharsis
Created: Sun Jun 17 21:33:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rwg7m/active_fitbit_friends/
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Hey guys, I was just wondering if anyone was on Fitbit? I just got one and you can’t do challenges unless you have friends to invite. Anyone wanna be fitbit friends? message me your email, if so. Thanks. 🖤

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[Help] apple cider vinegar
/u/oldusedbooksmell
Created: Sun Jun 17 21:17:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rwd2v/apple_cider_vinegar/
---
I was thinking about drinking some (I'm not sure how much though) apple cider vinegar and diluting it in water so the acidity doesn't fuck me or my teeth up. Does it actually do anything though, like weight or bloating wise? Is it worth it?

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[Discussion] How do you define restriction?
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Sun Jun 17 21:07:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rwast/how_do_you_define_restriction/
---
Hey folks, I'm just wondering what everyone's idea of "restriction" would be and where you would consider high/low restriction to lie (in terms of numbers). I've seen all sorts of stuff and it's made me curious.

For me, I restrict at 1200, and I actually feel *good* when I eat less than that much, even if I get into the four digits. At the same time, I have a friend with bulimia whose intake limit is 2100 (friend is 5'8" and like over 160 lbs). On the other end of the spectrum I frequently see people, both here and tumblr, calling themselves weak/fatasses for eating over 500. There's of course, the entire 1200isplenty sub filled with individuals restricting to 1200 but none of them would consider this to be a disordered behaviour. It makes me feel like I'm telling myself I have an ED to explain why a regular old diet causes me misery. (Then again some people have described my eating habits as "high restriction" and I'm not sure how to feel about that because usually I've seen 600 be described as high restriction, and 600 is what I eat when I'm low restricting even though for a lot of people that's SO MUCH. Yeah. This is why my entire life is one big plateau because the most restrictive I can be is eating at maintenance)

I'm honestly not here for the "your struggles are just as valid as ours" messages from a sub filled with people who eat less in one month than what I eat in one week. I never feel like those types of messages (when aimed at me) are sincere anyway. I'm just curious on how everyone else defines restriction, at what point you consider it a regular diet rather than a disordered eating pattern, whether or not a calorie cap over a certain number should even be called restriction, etc.

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[Rant/Rave] idk what happened to me
/u/oldusedbooksmell
Created: Sun Jun 17 21:02:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rw9o8/idk_what_happened_to_me/
---
i used to be able to go all day and eat nothing but like, a freakin banana and some grapes or something. now it's like, i'll binge and two minutes later i'm like, "yeah, yeah I'm still hungry." I really hate myself for ever eating "normally". even if it was "good for me". i hate it. i can't keep eating like this. i can't do it.

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My boyfriends ex is skinnier than me
/u/midori_cat
Created: Sun Jun 17 20:22:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rw0xq/my_boyfriends_ex_is_skinnier_than_me/
---
Lord help me. I never want to see the light of day right now after finding this and subsequently stalking her IG. Anyone else use people they know as thinspo?

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[Other] I’m not thin enough or sick enough to be an inpatient but everyone says I need to go
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Sun Jun 17 19:47:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rvsxz/im_not_thin_enough_or_sick_enough_to_be_an/
---
My BMI is like 18.5, which is just barely underweight. But everyone around me says I look very thin and need to do something about it. I don’t see what they’re talking about and want to keep losing weight. I have some other problems which I guess factor into it. Yet I just don’t feel sick enough to get help.

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I was scouted
/u/gross9876
Created: Sun Jun 17 19:29:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rvp7e/i_was_scouted/
---
I was...scouted? To model?

I'm still thinking so many thoughts - mainly that I'm not skinny enough 🤔

I thought this would make me feel like I'm thin enough...now I want to get thinner. I just want to lose weight more and more, everything is a reason to lose

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How do you stop yourself from salivating?
/u/akashax
Created: Sun Jun 17 18:35:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rvdbt/how_do_you_stop_yourself_from_salivating/
---
It's the smell of certain foods that really get me. I work in a restaurant. I feel like crying when i salivate. I dont know what to do

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Can't not be obsessed with food so hi
/u/morricat
Created: Sun Jun 17 18:23:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rvary/cant_not_be_obsessed_with_food_so_hi/
---
I used to lurk here but have tried and failed to recovers 100s of times. This disease is ruining my life. Most recently I stopped counting calories and I can at least focus on what I'm eating (and I eat less since I'm not telling myself I have 500 calories or so left in the day) but I can't not restrict or binge or avoid fear foods. So I'm here because I need support most of all. I'm at work writing this in my bathroom after purging (do not do after smoking two cigarettes in succession, my esophagus burns) but I hope even if I can't recover I at least won't feel so alone

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My collar bone farted
/u/stephen673
Created: Sun Jun 17 18:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rva6y/my_collar_bone_farted/
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I went to pick something up off the ground and that pit thing of my collar bone held in air I guess and it farted I couldn’t stop laughing does this happen to anyone else

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Do any of you guys have stomach pains only AFTER eating?
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Sun Jun 17 18:18:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rv9nh/do_any_of_you_guys_have_stomach_pains_only_after/
---
I've been restricting to about 500 kcal a day for the past months. I have my occasional bad days, days where I eat 800, or binge, but this only started happening recently. It's like I feel worse after eating proper meals.. if I have small meals it's okay, but if I have actual 500-600 kcal meals or above, it starts. I'm super uncomfortable, cramp up a bit and stuff. It's nothing too painful, but certainly uncomfortable. Do you have this too?

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[Discussion] Special diets and ED
/u/alicereyy
Created: Sun Jun 17 18:16:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rv95i/special_diets_and_ed/
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I'm vegetarian myself, didn't start it due to my ED but it helps me hide it. Anyone else find that having a special diet helps them with hiding their ED? (Ex: easier to say no to high calorie foods for a legitimate reason.)

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[Rant/Rave] It's 2018, you'd think they would have invented ACTUAL weight loss pills by now.
/u/patriotsfan4life
Created: Sun Jun 17 18:10:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rv7lr/its_2018_youd_think_they_would_have_invented/
---
I'm just sitting here fuming at the injustice. By 3000 they'll almost definitely have some kind of efficient weight loss pill or medicine that ACTUALLY works, but I don't get one because I'm living too early. What would be awesome is a pill that blocks your body from absorbing carbs or calories (the latter would be preferred, but the former would be great for staying on keto.) Then I could just pop a few of those guys before eating anything, my net calories for the day would be 0, and bam, instant weight loss!

I'm aware carb blockers and stuff exist, and though I've never tried one, friends and family have and reported that they don't work.

Basically what I'm trying to say is are there any nutritionists here who know whether this is possible.

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[Rant/Rave] is it still a fast if I ate 17 cals?????
/u/dollydomer
Created: Sun Jun 17 17:50:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rv380/is_it_still_a_fast_if_i_ate_17_cals/
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I'm freaking out. I think I just ended my fast. Idk what happened but I just talked myself into eating an apricot. ugh I hate myself so much right now idk what to do. do I purge or work it off or what????? should I reset my fasting clock?? I'm at 44 hours

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[Rant/Rave] tried ec(minus the a) stacking for the first time..holy poop
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sun Jun 17 17:47:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rv2pj/tried_ecminus_the_a_stacking_for_the_first/
---
caffeine just doesn't do it for me at this point. i've been sticking to a consistent \~800cals a day for a while now and its really been taking a toll on me energy wise as well as mentally. essentially i have no personality. i switched from coffee to 2 energy drinks per day and still felt like shit so i decided to try pseudoephedrine on top of that...wowweee. had a highly functional work day, went for a 7km run, walked 8km on top of that AND get some chores/misc tasks done all while fasting all day (i eat all my cals right before bed).

i won't be relying on this everyday because it cant be good for me but its nice to know its something i can fall back on if need be.

thank you pseudoephedrine for feeding my ED demons today. :')

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[Discussion] I think I have a tapeworm?
/u/RemtheCat
Created: Sun Jun 17 17:33:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ruzk6/i_think_i_have_a_tapeworm/
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Dreams do come true. Just in time for me getting married in six months. Time will tell if it’s actually a parasite but the google images seem to match what I saw. I have a feeling that sashimi that sat in a car for a few hours may have been the culprit. Has anyone else had a parasite?

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[Other] I feel like I just need a detox from life
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Sun Jun 17 17:06:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rutu8/i_feel_like_i_just_need_a_detox_from_life/
---
I wish I could get like a 2 month free break to just spend some time in a cottage in the woods somewhere. Maybe 20 mins from a small town or something, just to clear my head. There would be a cool river where I could swim to refresh. Food would get delivered 1 week's worth of food would get delivered every 2 weeks so I could do half normal eating, half fasting. I wish I could stop thinking about food, people, money, work, school, etc. I just really need some me-time. Alone. ...!!

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I don’t know what to do
/u/Gumihorainx
Created: Sun Jun 17 16:59:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rus2d/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
---
Hi everyone, this is my first post so sorry if it’s hard to read or understand. I’ve been a previous longtime lurker and had left due to being in recovery and for the first time today. I realized how fat I have gotten. My starting weight before I ever got diagnosed was 190. I managed to drop to 140 over the span of two months and then proceeded to go up to 170 and back down for years. My boyfriend had threatened to starve himself if I did so I tried to hide it then I felt so bad about lying I ended up telling him. From there on out he pressed me to go into recovery and now here I am. Months later at 190 pounds. None of my clothes fit me anymore and I’m absolutely terrified and tired of trying to pretend I’m okay and happy. I’m not, I hate my body and I hate myself more and more because I feel like I’m starting to lose myself. I used to dress up and get pretty and do my makeup and now all I can wear are sweat pants and one pair of jeans on top of shitty logo t shirts. I’m so angry at myself and I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry, I just don’t know anymore. I don’t think I’m going to eat today and I’m going to take a laxative drink.

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[Goal] It’s been a good week!!! (also daily goal is actually 900 but MFP won’t let me set it below 1400, so...)
/u/borrellia
Created: Sun Jun 17 16:42:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ruoan/its_been_a_good_week_also_daily_goal_is_actually/
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https://i.redd.it/4c1hlnf93n411.jpg

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I'm going on my first international vacation in a couple months, and all I can think about is how disappointed I am in the way my body looks.
/u/ghost_khajiit
Created: Sun Jun 17 16:42:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ruo9e/im_going_on_my_first_international_vacation_in_a/
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I finally got my passport, and I'm so so excited to be traveling out of the country for the first time! We're going to go out dancing and to the beaches, and all I can think about are the pictures we'll inevitably take and how gross I'm going to look in all of them.

My bf knows about my issues and is trying to help me prep for the trip in a physically healthy way, but my mind is just a revolving door of, "but your friends are going to see your stomach" "your face always looks so round in pictures" "better find some flowy pants so no one has to see your thighs in shorts" *and it is exhausting.*

Just once, I'd like to have a fun milestone that doesn't start off with shame in my appearance.

---

ProED: Australia 🇦🇺
/u/TheOrgazoid99
Created: Sun Jun 17 16:28:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rul7p/proed_australia/
---
Thought we could have a country-specific post, comiserate over **$10/tub** halo top, and share our Holy Grails down under!


Eating out:


* Grill’d sliders (>300cal, do draw a bit if attention conpared to a regular sized 500+ burger)


* KFC sliders (150 cal and they seem like a normal food choice, esp with all the wrapping)


* **Coffee:** Zarraffa’s “I’m awake!” Selection (except the affogato lol). Low cals but so delicious because their coffee is so smooth


* 7-11 cups get you $1 slushee refills and there are low sugar options (“zilched”) in each shop. More filling than diet soda, take ages to eat, but 40 cals.


Groceries


* chang’s super lo cal noodles. Recently in woolies too (previously just coles). They are the shiritake (konjac) noodles.


* one pesto is way lower cals than the rest but i cant remember the brand name sorry


* so many low sugar/cal yoghurts, beyond greek. Icelandic, quark, skyr, etc.


* kangaroo mince. Its low calories but so cheap compared to premium beef mince (for similar calories). I think its about 1 cal/g!


I would love to know what tf i am doing wrong at aldi’s to never find anything remotely good? Also, has anyone found a bigger range of HT flavours?

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Anyone Else Find That Eating Proteins Feels Worse Than Carbs Or Fats?
/u/pugsaremydrugs
Created: Sun Jun 17 15:48:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rubms/anyone_else_find_that_eating_proteins_feels_worse/
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Yesterday and today I had to go on a vacation with family, meaning I had to eat calorie-rich foods.

Obviously I wasn't thrilled to begin with, but for the most of the day I got off by saying I wasn't hungry and only eating a few things.

But once we started the road-trip portion, they pulled out snacks; namely, hazelnuts. They're 180 calories for a few handfuls, so I was already wary, but I had also hit the maximum amount of times I could refuse food, so I took some.

Not only do they dry your mouth, but I could feel it moving down my digestive tract the whole way. I'm not even allergic, that's just how they work I guess.

The same goes with any kind of meat, dry, slowly goes down, body becomes uncomfortably warm.

does anyone else get like this?

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God, please take me before Father's Day dinner
/u/griselda-grey
Created: Sun Jun 17 15:46:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rub4r/god_please_take_me_before_fathers_day_dinner/
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T minus 3 hours until I have to participate in family dinner. I've already had two meltdowns this morning about the shit. Restaurants give me anxiety because of people watching me eat, and we are going to a buffet, so the chances of calorie info are slim to none. Also, 3 generations of my family hounding me about eating (which will turn into a family drama if I dare bring my scale).

I'm excited to see my great-grandparents. That's about it.

*screams internally*

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New, lost, and falling.
/u/Crotchetylilkitten
Created: Sun Jun 17 15:44:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ruafw/new_lost_and_falling/
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Hi! I'm new here and I have been slipping down this rabbit hole now for about a month. I've struggled with weight my whole life and I've restricted heavily a few times in the past. I saw results then, but now I'm heavier than I've ever been!
It's driving me mad!
I'm looking for a Ana buddie to help get me through. If anyone is willing, I'd be super appreciative!

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[Tip] Clogged Toliet Tips and Tricks?
/u/tobethinspo
Created: Sun Jun 17 15:23:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ru5mr/clogged_toliet_tips_and_tricks/
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Give me your best tips (besides going old school with a plunger) for those desperate moments

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Eating like a "normal person" today with my husband. Wish me luck.
/u/Sidehothrowaway
Created: Sun Jun 17 15:14:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ru3ah/eating_like_a_normal_person_today_with_my_husband/
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Title basically says it. Haven't counted, weighed, or logged anything all day. Had two cookies and a little ice cream...and I don't eat sugar carbs normal...like AT ALL. It's been 5 months. It was a peanut butter cookie and a coconut macaroon. My stomach is upset and my anxiety is a bit messed up but I'm surviving. He would like me to make chicken fettuccini Alfredo for dinner and I'm about to start that. I'm not sure how much of that I'll actually eat since I do have a very real dairy allergy, but I'll eat a little but of pasta (holy crap what more carbs?!) with some pesto.

My stomach literally feels horrible right now though. I've probably had more calories so far than I've had in the past week and that was just from lunch and the special coffee and cookies.


It's fathers day and I won't be neurotic. I've been too low and cutting out too much lately for how active my luggage is and I felt like my body was breaking down. My body needs today as well, even if my stomach is really pissed off about it. Back to business as usual tomorrow, but for today I'm trying to be a normal person. Eeek this is terrifying.

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[Rant/Rave] Fucking doughnuts
/u/Roseemacculate02
Created: Sun Jun 17 14:58:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtzk8/fucking_doughnuts/
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My work occasionally buys donuts for everyone and holy fuck... today of all days. They're everywhere, in the kitchen, on the counter, EVERYWHERE! My stomach has been hurting for like a week now (probably because I binged on cake and a burger) I took a laxative this morning to finally feel empty again and this is just the last thing I need. Now I have to resist them all day, wish me luck. I love donuts too, i am just trying to think about eating watermelon when I get home.

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my new safe food - 20 cals a pouch
/u/hughekai001
Created: Sun Jun 17 14:47:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtwsc/my_new_safe_food_20_cals_a_pouch/
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https://i.redd.it/n1tis3poim411.jpg

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Weighing yourself after b/p?
/u/kannala457
Created: Sun Jun 17 14:40:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtv3z/weighing_yourself_after_bp/
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Hey all,

I have been restricting for a few months and today had my first really bad binge. Im working on getting it out right now but am wondering if I will be safe if I weigh myself tonight and I am the same weight as this morning?

Thanks xo

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best cookbooks or blogs that are borderline proana/orthorexic
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:49:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtii3/best_cookbooks_or_blogs_that_are_borderline/
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but not embarrassing for a bookshelf? i'm thinking bougie shit like Hemsley and Hemsley, Goop, Tess Ward, Deliciously Ella, or Bonberi

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[Help] Clogged Toliet
/u/tobethinspo
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:42:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtgx1/clogged_toliet/
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Ahh so TMI warning.

Usual b/p session this morning, ONLY IT WONT FLUSH. This is the second time this has happened this week, and the first one I told my family it was a stomach bug. So can't use that excuse this time.

Any tips for unclogging? Off to go grab a plunger and see if I can get this sorted out. Fuck

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What is on your typical weekly grocery list?
/u/ButterflyRS
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:38:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtfy8/what_is_on_your_typical_weekly_grocery_list/
---

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Spike days!! YOU ARE ALLOWED HIGH CALS
/u/dollydomer
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:29:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtdrm/spike_days_you_are_allowed_high_cals/
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recently i’ve been seeing people say they hit a plateau in their weight loss. my immediate response the that is “do a spike day”. a spike day is a higher calorie day that is meant to boost your metabolism. by eating higher calories, your body is tricked into boosting its metabolism due to the sudden incoming of food. after a spike day weight is lost more easily because their bodies are not in starvation mode any longer.

How to do a spike:
1) first starting out on a spike, start with a bigger portion of safe foods. this will make sure that you don’t have anxiety. (if you do, use coping skills. if wanted i can make another post about coping skills). do not count calories, just try to eat what your body is craving
2) then after you can do that, next time you hit a plateau do half the day or a full day. no counting calories still
3)if that is successful then a full day of maintenance level calories
4)while doing a spike drink PLENTY of water (i drink 120 oz usually, and this world well for me on spike days).

things you might be scared of:
1) gaining weight. in my experience, as long as a drink enough water and go back to my regular calories the next day, i will lose weight faster than before. there may be some weight gain, but only food weight and water. fasting the next day is fine as well
2) i might binge. if you binge that is perfectly okay!! do not throw it up because your body can use to replenish itself and it’s metabolism. big binged are okay too. if i had a big binge for a spike, i eat a very high fiber diet the next day or two and eventually all will be well. bingeing will result in more food weight and more water weight, but with the faster metabolism it will come off.

i have read about body builders doing this before a show. they pig out on pizza and ice cream the day before a show to cut. e last bit of fat. many many body builders do this.

i made this post because i have not seen any websites truly lay it all out there for girls with eating disorders. <3

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The eternal struggle- am I attracted to then or do I want to look like them?
/u/MarsBars4Lyfe
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:27:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtd8p/the_eternal_struggle_am_i_attracted_to_then_or_do/
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God! My "type" is tall and thin and it just complicates things even more. Is this like when girls look at pretty girls?

Am I staring because I to *be* you, or be *with* you? Probably the former, since I just met you but that only further confuses me when its actually the latter and we haven't *just* met. Damn. Am I making any sense? I don't think I'm making any sense. Just wanted to rant for a while. I hate this shit.

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[Help] What motivates you to end a binge phase?
/u/beneaththeblue
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:27:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtd8n/what_motivates_you_to_end_a_binge_phase/
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Been piling on weight like crazy for the last 3 months and really struggling to change my mindset from binging and purging to restriction (which arguably isn’t any better but I feel like I desperately need that control right now!) Every time I seem to think I’ve turned it around I slip up. I just don’t understand how I could restrict before but now I can’t?

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[Discussion] Suspicion
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:26:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtd15/suspicion/
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Normally I restrict heavily during the week and try to play the weekends as if I’m eating somewhat normally. But last week there was an emergency and I ate like crap for a few days so I’m sticking with my restriction over the weekend. The problem is, my husband noticed and he’s being weird about it.

Yesterday I just told him my stomach was upset due to stress. Today I just didn’t offer an excuse as to why I skipped breakfast and lunch and he’s kind of giving me the side-eye about it. I’m still overweight so I just joked about not being at risk of wasting away but now he’s asking me a bunch of questions about my “diet” and how much weight I’ve lost and what my goal is.

I pretty much just want him to leave me be. I can’t wait for him to go back to work tomorrow!

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[Discussion] Comments From Coworkers
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:24:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtcfo/comments_from_coworkers/
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I was wondering, how do comments people make about your weight/size affect you? Specifically comments about being skinny/small? Do they cause you to restrict more or have the opposite effect?

I work in a restuarant as a hostess (IRONIC SINCE I HAVE AN ED LOL), mainly with other women. I'm definitely the smallest person working there. None of my coworkers are aware, to my knowledge, that I have an ED. They often make comments about my body which personally fuel me to restrict even more. Its kind of messed up.

Here are some comments I have received this week:

"You're so tiny, like a little fairy!" THIS ONE MADE ME SO HAPPY GUYS OMG.

"How are you carrying all those plates? They probably weigh as much as you!" This was said to me by customers.

"I wish I was little like you."

These comments make me feel like I'm doing something right by losing weight and restricting, but at the same time I feel like I'm STILL not small enough? Idk, I know I'm sick. Recently hit 91 lbs (I am 5'2) and am happy about it, but the stares I get from customers sometimes make me uncomfortable. I really dont want to get confronted about having an ED if someone catches on....

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[Discussion] Do you have one food that you’re always craving?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:23:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtc7d/do_you_have_one_food_that_youre_always_craving/
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For me it’s sushi. Not sushi rolls but the ones that look like this 🍣. I have no idea why but I want it constantly. What about you guys?

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I lost my period this month
/u/MissMagus
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rtb1a/i_lost_my_period_this_month/
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I don't know how to feel about it. Never been this far down the rabbit hole before.

I had one day if light bleeding then it just stopped.

But on the plus side - I got dick when normally I'd be burdened by natures gift. So. I don't know, at least theres that.

🙂🤔

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[Help] Should I be worried??
/u/skinny-star-boy
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:12:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rt9o5/should_i_be_worried/
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I know I weighed 117.5 lbs on May 27th and I’ve been eating under 600 cals every day since then bc I put everything I consume in my phone but I weighed myself last night and I was 123???? I’m on my period so maybe that’s it? Idk I’m kinda freaking out though bc I CANNOT go back up to where I used to be guys I’m so scared I’m not tracking right maybe?

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[Rant/Rave] I feel horrible
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Sun Jun 17 13:02:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rt73q/i_feel_horrible/
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I feel absolutely trash for eating 400 calories today even though I know I shouldn't, I fasted on thursday, had 390 on friday and had 800 yesterday which was way over what I wanted. I know it's still an okay number to be at but i still feel absolutely horrible about it. It feels like no matter what I do I will just always feel bad :(

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[Help] Failed again
/u/Aleph0-4
Created: Sun Jun 17 12:48:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rt3g2/failed_again/
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Around February/ March I binged/purged regularly until I manage to stop and slightly restrict for around 39 days... And I really believed I was getting better until today where I did it again. I feel like I sabotaged myself. Over a month of carefully tracking calories and I just ingested however many thousand I don't know. What should I do next?

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low heart rate: ed, exercise, or both?
/u/mylifeisajoke812
Created: Sun Jun 17 12:16:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rsvol/low_heart_rate_ed_exercise_or_both/
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hello friends

so yesterday evening, laying in bed, i absentmindedly checked my fitbit and saw that my heart rate was 43 bpm. thought it was a mistake so i took my own pulse and got the same. heart rate during the day varies between low 50s and upper 80s

i know that athletes’ heart rates can drop in the 40s, and i do about 45 min-90 min of cardio 5-6 days/week. cbmi: 17.9

i have an appointment with my GP next week so i’m not majorly concerned, i just want to know if this could be a symptom of my ED or that i’m just very proficient in terms of cardiovascular efficiency???

thoughts?

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[Help] I'm freaking out
/u/astro-punk
Created: Sun Jun 17 12:03:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rssd2/im_freaking_out/
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I've eaten nearly 1000 calories today and it is only 1:00. I just feel so gross and full. How do I fix this? I've never been able to purge before. I usually just restrict but obviously that didn't work today. I don't know what to do.

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[Discussion] Who here feel like they’re pretty level headed except for their ED
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sun Jun 17 11:43:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rsncm/who_here_feel_like_theyre_pretty_level_headed/
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Like, you don’t really try to compete to be the thinnest not so much as that you gotta keep being thin or you’re gonna lose some grasp of control

You don’t need validation but you still do this shit to yourself

Your life is pretty well put together except for that thing that follows you in your life (which you allow).

You make ED a home, not glorifying it or advertising it or portraying it as what it is not—but it simply had grown to be a part of you almost.

You’re gonna carry that weight.

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Little rant thing
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Sun Jun 17 11:36:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rslhq/little_rant_thing/
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I hate how my ED interprets eating at maintenance as "binging"!!!!! Yesterday I ate a normal amount of food, about 1600 calories, which is my maintenance! I even went for an one-hour walk with my boyfriend and did several short workouts throughout the day but still!!!!! I've been super depressed since last night because of that, ugh. Why can't my brain be normal?

In other news, I reached a new LW last monday I guess? At 52,8, but it went right back to 53,5 lol someone shoot me

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[Rant/Rave] Pet peeve #1331(/:56
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sun Jun 17 11:34:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rsl19/pet_peeve_133156/
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I don’t hate people who gives tips out just don’t do it under the pretense of promoting safety ffs please

None of this is safe

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[Discussion] DAE notice their hair doesn't get oily as fast while restricting?
/u/lindseychan
Created: Sun Jun 17 11:25:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rsiwe/dae_notice_their_hair_doesnt_get_oily_as_fast/
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When I'm not watching my eating I have to wash my hair every day without fail because I turn into Severus Snape real quick. When I'm restricting like now though I only need to every other day at most. My hair will get overly dry and feel like it could break off even I even try to wash it every day. Just curious if anyone else notices the same thing. (:

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[Discussion] I find it odd that it’s always the ED community that uses words like babe love and honey to refer to other users
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sun Jun 17 11:16:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rsgiq/i_find_it_odd_that_its_always_the_ed_community/
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I see this on tumblr always like hon, lovelies, etc. I don’t think I’ve seen this type of uh naming in other communities

The only word that bothers me is the term babe because it reminds me of a boyfran lol

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do any of you go on misogynistic subs?
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Sun Jun 17 10:42:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rs7zz/do_any_of_you_go_on_misogynistic_subs/
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like theredpill? i do occasionally. i know they’re the scum of the earth and poor fat losers but it still makes me feel like shit and want to restrict. i hate how much the ED is caused by people and ideologies i totally disdain.

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mondays are my favorite day of the week
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Sun Jun 17 10:40:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rs7kz/mondays_are_my_favorite_day_of_the_week/
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it's like a fresh start from whatever failures were had the previous week. it's not as good as the first of every month, but it's something (:

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[Rant/Rave] My mom is so triggering
/u/goddamnroommate
Created: Sun Jun 17 10:34:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rs6by/my_mom_is_so_triggering/
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She constantly talks about food. She works out like 3 hours a day. She talks about calories. She tries to give me her food so she doesn’t eat it. She buys my dad and I candy. If we go to a restaurant she takes forever to order and talks about what she’s getting in terms of calories. Asks “are you sure you want that?” “How’s the weight loss going?” etc. I knew I would get back into my ED after coming home but hey hello hi this is my hell. I’m right on the cusp of being normal weight again. I have a nice body shape and I’ve lifted heavy for 3 years. I was right about poised to actually be happy with myself. Bam. Home again.

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[Rant/Rave] Stomach pains and feeling worthless are good appetite suppressants
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Sun Jun 17 10:05:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rrzi4/stomach_pains_and_feeling_worthless_are_good/
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My stomach pains started last night, cause there was a small amount of blood I thought it was perios cramps cause despite the mini pill I've been having occassional periods since the start of this year. I get up this morning, the pads clean and I'm still cramping, it's the right side of my stomach and my girlfriend put her leg over me in her sleep last might and my god guys it was painful as fuck. I've napped at my girlfriends suggestion but all I've eaten is a 66 cal cereal bar and I just don't wanna eat anything else.

On top of this I feel really unattractive and don't know how to word it to her, I feel like she doesn't really want me around but is letting me curl up in her bed because she know's I'll come up at some point and ask to chill here while watching her play video games, I really wish there was a way I could bring it all up without feeling like I'm pathetic and manipulative. So here I am, bundled underneath her two duvets because otherwise I'll start shivering and crying from a mix of the random pains in my stomach and because I feel so shit about myself.

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tired of being curvy
/u/_throwaway_2929
Created: Sun Jun 17 10:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rrzf9/tired_of_being_curvy/
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so i’m legit curvy. not just “fat = curvy”, but at 5’6”, 110 lbs, and considered thin by the general popular (at least i hope lmao), my fat distribution is legitimately an over-exaggerated pear shaped distribution. basically, i look like one of those instagram fitness 🍑😍 girls, but i don’t actually have to try for it.

but the thing is, being the trendiest, sexiest body type right now is the worst possible thing for me, given that i’m sex-repulsed and gender dysphoric. i know i have the “ideal” body right now, but i wish i could give it to someone else who actually wants it. because i fucking hate it.

i can’t wear anything without it looking sexualized or contextually inappropriate, so i resign myself to wearing long skirts, because it’s the only thing that kinda hides everything. but then people go on and on about how “feminine” i am, and it’s like, i just can’t fucking win in this society. rip.

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[Rant/Rave] Someone stop me
/u/throwaway254411
Created: Sun Jun 17 09:12:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rrneu/someone_stop_me/
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Just had a fight with my mother. She's a shitty person and we have a terrible relationship. I'd say she's one of the main reasons for my eating disorder. But yeah, now I just want to b/p and skip work for the next few days. I haven't binged in three days but who cares. I have some money left, I might go to the grocery store and buy binge food. But... I don't want to ruin my progress. I don't know.

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Is there a calculator that calculates weight loss time if you didn't eat?
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Sun Jun 17 09:01:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rrkuo/is_there_a_calculator_that_calculates_weight_loss/
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Like most calculators calculate weight loss end date by if you ate let's say 1200 a day but is there one if you exercised nothing, ate nothing? Just to see? Or is there a way to calculate it?

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[Rant/Rave] I think I'm relapsing (trigger warning) yet another rantish thing
/u/BitsyTheBunny
Created: Sun Jun 17 08:45:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rrh87/i_think_im_relapsing_trigger_warning_yet_another/
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Ok, so I just got kicked form ed unit because of medicade and I was not ready. In 2 weeks I've dropped 7 pounds to weigh about 90 pounds, people call me a waif(when I'm fat) and I'm torturing myself with sprints, yesterday I ran at 7.5 mph for 20 mins. I know I'm posting alot and it's annoying, I just have alooot to say.

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Ed/depression art.
/u/BitsyTheBunny
Created: Sun Jun 17 08:36:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rrf3c/eddepression_art/
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https://i.redd.it/s5l44hsiok411.jpg

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Important I guess
/u/BitsyTheBunny
Created: Sun Jun 17 08:23:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rrcdf/important_i_guess/
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My inbox is always open if you want to chat about ed for support! (Nothing innapropreate please, will report.)

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low sugar replacement for peas in indian dish?
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Sun Jun 17 07:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rr47i/low_sugar_replacement_for_peas_in_indian_dish/
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i'm trying to make more vegetarian indan dishes but i HATE peas and potatoes (i know, i know, this is sacrilegious, whatever, i have food hangups). does anyone have a low-cal low sugar recommendation for replacements, especially for peas. right now most of my dishes are cauliflower and spinach based.

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I have to gain a bit of weight but I don't know how
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Sun Jun 17 07:44:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rr415/i_have_to_gain_a_bit_of_weight_but_i_dont_know_how/
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I actually don't want to lose anymore weight. Yes, I felt ugly and fat when I was around 60 kg, but I still do. And I know that isn't gonna change if I lose weight. I'd rather be healthy and unhappy than unhealthy *and* unhappy. The problem is that I absolutely despise eating. I started tracking how much I eat on a regular basis and even when I have the idea I ate a lot, it's usually below 500 calories. And every time I do my absolute best to eat more than that, I feel like absolute shit because I feel like I failed. I constantly have to remind myself that it's okay to eat like a normal person, I have to remember than I want to go back up to 60kg, not go further down to 52 kg (or even less) even though that sounds much more appealing and is actually my real goal. I feel so indecisive. The goal my ED set is literally the opposite of the goal the rational part of my mind set. I don't know which one to follow. The eating part isn't even fully related to my weight anymore. I've grown to hate eating. It's become a chore that I have to do but it's not fun at all. I eat enough to prevent myself from passing out and making sure I still have enough energy to do my things, but I really have to force myself. It's horrible. I don't know what to do. I'm scared to tell my therapist because she thinks I'm doing so much better than I was. If somebody knows anything that can help me, please tell m, I'm desperate

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Religion/faith and disorders
/u/fatterfly
Created: Sun Jun 17 07:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rr3oj/religionfaith_and_disorders/
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So there's something I think about quite a lot and I was just wondering if anyone is on the same boat.


I wouldn't call myself religious but I definitely believe in a god. My faith has gotten me through some pretty dark times but it's also been a source of guilt ever since I developed a bunch of disorders, including my ED and depression/anxiety.



The reason I feel guilty is because I've been blessed with a lot of things and I *still* can't find a way to be happy with myself. I'm very intelligent and somewhat successful for my age, I'm not supermodel hot but I'm objectively attractive and I've got wonderful loving people in my life, both family and friends. I do believe I am really lucky because god has given me many things that I didn't have to work for at all.



But I can't stop. I can't stop obsessing over my weight and calling myself ugly and fat. I can't stop wanting to die. I can't stop being anxious over my current situation (which is objectively fine) and my future which I'm sure god will help me through. Sometimes I think that if I had "real" faith I wouldn't have any of these disorders because there is no reason to be this messed up if you know for sure that a higher power is there for you. Like for example if I *really* have faith in god and god's plan and what have you, why would I even have anxiety? Why am I depressed, cynical, hopeless and suicidal if I have faith that god is there for me? I feel very guilty for being the way I am and at the same time I feel like an impostor, like my faith isn't even real.



Idk, just some ramblings. I'm wondering if anyone here feels the same way.

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[Help] New LW! But I'm in treatment (Rave/need advice)
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Sun Jun 17 07:34:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rr1sz/new_lw_but_im_in_treatment_raveneed_advice/
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K here's the situation.

A year and a half ago, I was 5'1 and my weight was hovering in the high 120s. I hated myself and my body with every ounce of my being. I made up my mind- I'm gonna lose 30lbs. I'm gonna be 90.

Since then I fell into restriction exclusively (no bingeing or anything) and have been for ed into treatment because of it. It's been a cycle of recovery and relapse, each time in recovery never gaining back all the weight from the previous relapse. So over the months my weight had been slowly steadily dropping.

This morning, in what's hopefully the low point of my most recent relapse, I weighed 91lbs (I'm now 5'2). On one hand, I'm elated- a BMI in the 16s! I don't despise my body. I like myself at this weight. I want to keep going, shoot for 88. That was always my real GW. 88, beautiful number, perfect body. 88.

But on the other hand, I'm now watched like a hawk. It's risky to restrict too much since my mom keeps an eye on my intake (or lack thereof). If I'm weighed at a doctors appointment or anything, it's gonna be almost impossible to fake the extra pounds so the scale reads Healthy (108-112 is the sweet spot).

So I guess this is a *TLDR:* I can either keep losing weight, or gain up to like 99 where it will be easier for me to stay under my treatment team's radar. I'll be 18 next year in May so I'm almost an adult, and I can drive and have a job, so I'm not totally dependent on my parents, but they still legally can control me. What should I do?

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[Rant/Rave] What is wrong with me??
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Sun Jun 17 07:29:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rr0ra/what_is_wrong_with_me/
---
Seriously - I just wanted to have a fun night with my friends last night. I drank way too much - I didn’t eat all day in preparation, and I’ve been averaging 700 calories/day all week.

Last night I split a pitcher of sangria with my friend, had more than 10 shots of rum (that’s when I got too drunk to keep tracking) THEN my friend wanted to order pizza....ok no problem. I’ll be ok with one piece. Then my friend insists we get cheesy bread even though I know we don’t need it. Pizza comes - friend falls asleep leaving me alone with half the pizza and the entire unopened order of cheesy bread.

I ate all of it. ALL of it. An entire fucking order of Dominos cheesy bread and half the pizza. I hate myself. I’m so disgusted. I don’t even know how much fat I must have put on. And I can’t even eat nothing today to make up for it because I have Fathers Day lunch in a couple hours which I was actually excited for until now. I never want to see food again and it’s all I ever want. Im freaking out you guys. I just don’t know what to do :( I wish I could turn back time

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Feeling pretty panicky right now
/u/2worried2care
Created: Sun Jun 17 07:28:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rr0ns/feeling_pretty_panicky_right_now/
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I just finished my finals and I have off from school this whole week. I haven't been eating great (between 900-1200 each day, which is high for me) and I've been drinking each night the past few days. I've been working out every day though, which I had hoped would help but today I got on the scale and have gained 3 pounds in the past two days??? How is that even possible? I'm so upset right now; I worked so hard to get under 130 and now I'm almost there again. My period is due today or tomorrow so I guess I'm just hoping that I'm carrying an extra 3 pounds worth of blood around (gross, sorry). I've also been drinking 85-100 oz of water daily so I shouldn't be retaining water weight.

And today I'm going to a winery for Father's Day with my friend's dad. There's a food truck festival going on and I'm terrified of what I'm going to have to eat. I'm going to try and hold out but my friend's dad mentioned last week that I'm "shrinking" and I don't want him to be too suspicious. Plus I'm going to drink so many calories in wine. I just ran three miles and I'm probably going to walk into town soon for coffee. I'll keep the intake I can control low and just end up getting drunk. Tomorrow I'm not eating anything.

I hate this so much. There was no real point to this except to complain, thanks for reading.

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[Rant/Rave] I’ve stalled again and it’s making me suicidal
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Sun Jun 17 07:21:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rqzdf/ive_stalled_again_and_its_making_me_suicidal/
---
I’m 5’5”. My goal is 110, then 107, then 105. Right now I’m at 112/111 depending on the day. I just got past 114. I’m so close to the goals but my body just doesn’t want to lose any of the fat. I don’t know why there’s so much of it and the fact that nothing is happening despite restriction and exercise just makes me feel even more trapped and anxious. I’m determined to get past it. It’s just the most irritating thing. Eating like one thing just makes me feel doomed that all the weight will stay. So I guess I’m just not eating anything and I’ll get some laxatives. But the fact that I can’t get out of my body makes me feel even shitty. I have no control ever over my weight.

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Your first longer fasts?
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Sun Jun 17 06:45:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rqsi0/your_first_longer_fasts/
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I often fast for 16-22 hrs (I'm weird, eat breakfast stop eating after about 3/4pm lol) but I've only got up to 24 a few times fearing it would trigger a binge.

I've just made it to 24 now and it's been weirdly easy this time, I think I'm going to try for two or three days. I feel fine, I'm craving nothing and it's so nice to not have to feel obligated to eat at least something, plan a low cal / healthy meal and then feel uncomfortable until my somach feels empty again. Yeah, I definitely want to make this a thing.

A year ago, fasting even 16hrs IF seemed impossible to me. I still can't imagine this being a regular thing, due to that same fear of losing control. How did you guys get into the habit of fasting? Were you surprised when you first started finding it easy too?This just feels nice, no food, no stress..

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[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 17 06:11:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rqmnx/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
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Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:

* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 17, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 17 06:11:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rqmno/daily_food_diary_june_17_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 17, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Rant/Rave] “The Skinny one”
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Sun Jun 17 02:26:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rprkx/the_skinny_one/
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I’m a student who, like many people at my university, have opted to earn money cleaning accommodation / being receptionist. We’re all pretty new to each other.

I was on shift with this guy last night who was explaining that one of the other girls doesn’t really like me (despite having never actually directly worked with me). At the point the guy didn’t know who I was so asked for a physical description to which the girl replied “the blonde, very skinny one”.

This gets to me!! Finally, my days of dizziness and starvation are paying off!! My <17 BMI and TINY waist are finally being noticed!!

It was such a triggering moment for me and such an exhilaration that I ate some peanut butter and Nutella, purged it happily and went to bed, knowing I’d still be “the Skinny one” when I woke up.

Today I’m planning on eating very little, but it won’t feel agonising because I am skinny and have to starve to be skinny. What a time to be alive everyone!

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[Rant/Rave] Can't Relapse if I wasn't Recovered Right?
/u/originalRedBull
Created: Sun Jun 17 01:49:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rpmt8/cant_relapse_if_i_wasnt_recovered_right/
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I think I might be fake relapsing. I mean that in the sense that I never got help or actively tried to be healthy or use "good coping mechanisms," but for almost a year while I started my new job I would say my weight was relatively stable, and I became a lot less focused on food in general. I was so busy that I was still maintaining or even losing a few pounds a month, because the job is physically intense and I was trying to begin nursing school at the same time. The stress and schedule just limited my intake naturally. I stopped focusing on losing weight so much and tried to just get my life together instead.

I did weigh myself often, but way less excessively than before and slowly I got to the point that I couldn't remember the last time I actually checked my weight. Well the last... I'd say month or so I've started to feel gross. I am sitting in class 5/7 days of the week and even though I work every weekend it is starting to become harder to ignore how sluggish and big I feel. My scrub pants even felt tighter which is a big red flag.

So let me tell you, I stepped on the scale three days ago and WTF I GAINED 14 POUNDS SINCE STARTING SCHOOL SDFKJADFJSBDFSJ. I wanted to fucking purge right then but instead I just cried into my stupid diet coke about how far I'd slipped. Of course right after I get on my phone to find some thinspo and I realized how long it had been since I actually posted here. I've always loved this community because everyone just gets it. You can come and go but you never forget that horrible fucking feeling- and that depressed me even more.

Not to keep rambling, I'm probably going to be checking in more and more because I just can't stand how shit I feel. Seeing the scale just made me hyper-aware of how large I've gotten and just confirms I shouldn't have gotten so lenient. Being in school and decreasing how much I work have just added to the problem. It can't be impossible to diet and fucking maintain a job and decent grades. People do that shit all the time I'm told, so clearly I just need to get my dysfunctional ass in gear.

Anyway, I only had breakfast yesterday morning and I'm planning on just having a liquid diet tomorrow...today? I'm also in the process of moving so I will literally have no money and no food this week... Good for losing weight at least. Thank you for reading all my nonsense if you made it through <3

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Does anyone here follow any of Tabitha Farrar's content?
/u/MikiMeki
Created: Sun Jun 17 00:53:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rpf3j/does_anyone_here_follow_any_of_tabitha_farrars/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2aunyO6ns4

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[Rant/Rave] [RANT] SON OF A !!!
/u/pailblusea
Created: Sun Jun 17 00:47:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rpe7t/rant_son_of_a/
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I've been drinking motherfucking dandelion root tea lately thinking it's all good and shit and been sitting around wondering why I am so hungry these past few days. I just binged on Reese's and Twix just now because my hunger was so bad that for the first time ever it actually hurt. Mentally and physically. I haven't just been binging on shit lately, somethings up when even 3 lbs of spinach and grilled chicken aint enough to last me more than 6 hours. I got curious and googled this dandelion shit since it's the only new thing I've done the past week.

IT'S A FUCKING APPETITE STIMULANT. SON OF A BITCH.

WTF!!

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Nausea on an empty stomach — solutions?
/u/skin_ny
Created: Sun Jun 17 00:32:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rpbyq/nausea_on_an_empty_stomach_solutions/
---

Sometimes I feel really queasy or uneasy just because I don’t have anything in my stomach. Drinking water usually doesn’t help, but what does is usually eating something carby like saltine crackers or bread. Sometimes just something salty like chicken soup helps as well. Maybe something else is wrong with me that I feel so nauseous on an empty stomach so often (def not pregnant, but maybe stressed?) Just wondering if any of you experience this and what your solutions are. Currently eating a slice of pizza because I felt both nauseous and unable to go to sleep. :/

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Does anyone here watch, listen to, or read what Tabitha Farrar says?
/u/citrialos
Created: Sun Jun 17 00:14:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rp9ed/does_anyone_here_watch_listen_to_or_read_what/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/submit

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[Rant/Rave] Currently dancing to quiet music while my s/o sleeps. Why doesn’t fitbit have a “dancing” activity??
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Sun Jun 17 00:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rp8we/currently_dancing_to_quiet_music_while_my_so/
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Trying to burn off the alcohol calories. I’ll be dancing all night, not tired at all

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A friend of a friend just died from bulimia
/u/orthoreXXX
Created: Sun Jun 17 00:04:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rp7so/a_friend_of_a_friend_just_died_from_bulimia/
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Just saw it on FB. So strange, I was so jealous of her when she came to our place for a party once, she was so tiny and cute and preppy

I want to stop but i just cant I’ll be fucking suicidal if I let my disgusting pig stomach get any fatter

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[Intro] intro — hi im dolls
/u/dollydomer
Created: Sat Jun 16 23:28:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rp20y/intro_hi_im_dolls/
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hi my name is dolly but people call me dolls. i turn 16 this week and have had a restrictive ed for 3 years now. i was a gymnast so i had a predisposition to it especially when i had been out of gym for a couple months due to my dad grounding me (he’s abusive, don’t live with him anymore). my coaches would comment on my size or muscle def when i would come back after a while so i would watch what i eat. i would tell my mom to make sure i don’t eat anything unhealthy because i want to stay in shape. but it got really bad my freshman year of high school when i wouldn’t bring a lunch to school and didn’t have breakfast. i would leave for practice at 1:30 and wouldn’t come home until 8. so i would eat dinner and that’s it. i got addicted. then i got a back injury so i had to stop. my weight only dropped to around 100 and then i went to treatment. 2 months in residential and triked my way out of it and iop. i was constantly trying to kill myself and self harming. basically i’m here now. highest weight is 124 and now 109. im not really into recovery. im on and off normal eating and severely restricting

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[Rant/Rave] A small positive thought for the night
/u/_HellaIsabella_
Created: Sat Jun 16 22:50:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rovl0/a_small_positive_thought_for_the_night/
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So, there are a LOT of things I hate about my body, but one thing that has always been a huge flaw for me is my knees. (I know, weird)

SIDE NOTE: Im at a normal weight right now, and of course I think Im huge, but to everyone else, apparently I look very fit, like I work out a lot (I do.)

My knees, for some reason, carry a pocket of fat on the inside of them, so regardless of how skinny I am/was/ever will be, they will touch. My knees have always been chubby and chunky, and, to me, grotesque. I've always worried that the fatness on my knees made it look like my thighs bent inward, and my calves bent outward, giving me this weird walk and stance at all times.

Well, anyway, I recently got married, love my in-laws so much, and my husband is amazing. My new sister in law is a wonderful person, super goofy, fun, and beautiful, and also suffers from BED. We have talks every now and then, between an anorexic and a BED, and its fun and makes me feel better to know I'm not alone.

ANYWHO, so last week we went on vacation together, and I was so self conscious the whole time about my body, but it made me feel a little better that I could openly joke about it with my sister in law and new found family. I said something like "Isn't it so weird how my knees have this huge pocket of fat? Doesnt that look weird?!" In laws + hubby stopped and looked at my knees, examined them, and then, "You know Ive never noticed that before....but it is kind of weird!"

We all laughed at how weird my knee fat is, and it made me feel good to laugh about it with others instead of tearing myself down.

But it also hit me that, this flaw in my body that I thought was so disgusting, so obvious, so unnatural that EVERYONE would definitely notice, had gone completely unnoticed for 5 years by my in-laws and husband, who have seen me at both my highest and lowest weights, and everything in between.

Its refreshing sometimes to have real honest moments with people, and to have a laugh instead of a cry, and to actually realize maybe my huge flaw isnt that bad afterall.

Anyways, much love, just wanted to share a lil story!

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Hurtful Remarks from Family
/u/li_hu_sh
Created: Sat Jun 16 22:22:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8roqke/hurtful_remarks_from_family/
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I had a really bad day today as I overate, having a burger and some fries for a party. Then they brought out Ice Cream Drumsticks (my weakness) and I refused it even though I was struggling. My dad saw my face watching them, as commented "Look how upset she is! It's like watching an alcoholic wanting a drink!" and my sister chimed in "Yeah, take the ice cream away, don't feed her habit"

I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive, but those jokes implying that I am "addicted" to sweets/food really hurts me as I am on the pudgier side (but i'm working on that!).

I told them I don't appreciate those comments and they got mad at me, saying that I'm stupid for taking insult at those jokes. When I left the room and the temptation they joked "there she goes again....it's the sugar deprivation that makes her like that"

What can I do? It really hurts me and makes me want to starve even more.

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The Dreaded Family (Food) Gathering
/u/alicereyy
Created: Sat Jun 16 22:10:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rooin/the_dreaded_family_food_gathering/
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Today was a success for me. I've been following a stricked, no more than 800 calories a day, rule. Today we had our yearly summer family reunion and it was a real challenge. With all the good food around, the constant eyes, and the massive amounts of cake, self control had to be at it's peak. I also received constant "I've tried a new recipe, tell me if you like it?!". It was so hard to balance seeming normal while also sneaking away and hiding napkin spits... but I did it! I came in at about 730 calories and it feels so good! Family and friendly get togethers with so much free food is such a struggle.

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Does water weight make you look as fat as equivalent pounds of fat?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Sat Jun 16 22:07:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rons2/does_water_weight_make_you_look_as_fat_as/
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I have gained several pounds over the last few days despite having burned enough calories to have lost 2lbs. I am pretty sure it's pre-period weight gain (I have gained up to 10 pounds!) but it got me thinking. Does 10lbs of water weight look as 'fat' as 10lbs of fat?

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Been eating <600 for two months now with very few exceptions, haven't lost any weight for a month
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Sat Jun 16 21:53:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rokyy/been_eating_600_for_two_months_now_with_very_few/
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Okay so here's the thing, I have been eating at a very strict maximum of 600 for a steady two months. The only exceptions of this would be the occasional day where I go out to eat with my parents, and eat at TDEE. Most days I don't even surpass 500.

This worked for awhile, I lost about 16lbs in a month and a half. Now, I have been a FIRM 170 for wayyy too fucking long. I have no idea what is going on. I haven't changed anything and I haven't upped my intake- I took laxatives for the first time to see if it was food weight and I got down to 168. It seems the scale refuses to go below this and it is driving me *mental*

I'm not prone to binges and everything I've been eating is consistent with what I was eating during my first month of successful restriction. Why the sudden halt in progress? What the fuck, body?

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[Rant/Rave] I broke out of my BDD today. I know this won't last.
/u/mu514
Created: Sat Jun 16 21:43:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8roj58/i_broke_out_of_my_bdd_today_i_know_this_wont_last/
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I've just realized today. I'm fucking gorgeous. I looked at myself at a public mirror, and I loved it. My hair, my skin, my smile. My clothes. I look so damn good, and people give me attention I'd never seen 35 lbs up.

I broke out of my BDD today, but when will I go back to self-loathing and depression and SH-ing? I already know this high self-esteem and positive body image will collapse soon. The only question is when.

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[Rant/Rave] I can feel myself starting to relapse
/u/Queen-of-Leon
Created: Sat Jun 16 21:30:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rogsa/i_can_feel_myself_starting_to_relapse/
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tagged as a rant, maybe it's an intro, who knows.

i've lurked on this sub a bit in the past several months, but never posted. Because I thought I was better. I'm wondering now. I clawed my way out of an ED when I was 14 or so (\~5-ish years ago), no one I knew even realized I had it (but a lot of people suspected). But I got better!! I had some slip ups, but generally I ate normally. I've hovered around a healthy 120-ish lbs for years. Last year life was fucking *amazing* and I managed to stop even thinking about eating. I ate what people put in front of me. I'd get seconds when I liked. I ate like a normal fucking person for the first time since I was 11.

Then I got home and everything's been fucky. My life is going back out of whack. I don't know why but I'm counting calories again. I'd gotten out of practice of it even, I couldn't remember how many calories in an Arizona tea or my normal starbucks order or the foods I liked. I downloaded MFP again last week; I haven't had it on my phone in 2 years. I haven't gone over 900 calories since I got it. Today was 400. I feel sick and I hate it and I love it and I just want the scale to go down to 2 digits again and ugh

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Going on a road trip for a week with family.
/u/sommefeils
Created: Sat Jun 16 21:25:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rofr8/going_on_a_road_trip_for_a_week_with_family/
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What fucking do??

I'm a bulimic/binge eater and the most I've abstained from b/ping for the past year was maybe 2 days in a row. Anyone have tips???

So far I have made a mental checklist/tool box: cellphone, a book, xanax, podcasts, and I've recently started meditating for like 5 minutes at a time. But any other reminders or tricks would be quite welcome and appreciated!

Thank you!

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Weekend as a bulimic...listening to "Leave a Light On" on repeat while purging. What are you others up to?
/u/throwawaytodayokc
Created: Sat Jun 16 21:22:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rof61/weekend_as_a_bulimiclistening_to_leave_a_light_on/
---

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[Help] I need to lose 5 pounds in a week
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Sat Jun 16 21:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8roept/i_need_to_lose_5_pounds_in_a_week/
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I’m at 112 rn and trying to get to 107 because it’s all I can think about. I’ve been biking and eating 400-600 calories a day. What else should I try to help?

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[Help] Getting back to the restricting cycle
/u/cas215
Created: Sat Jun 16 20:41:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ro7d4/getting_back_to_the_restricting_cycle/
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So I’ve been on and off since i was 11 (17 now,) i was my worst/best(?) freshmen year (14-15) and when I joined a new ballet school sophomore year, My mental heath improved and I stopped restricting. Over the last month or two I’ve been spiraling between binging episodes and restrictive ones. I know that whenever i start restricting again, its so hard to get back to it, but it puts me in such a great depression. Ive done good with 100-600 calories daily for the last week or so and I just hate and am struggling so hard with this transition period. I have no one to confide in and I just feel so alone. I just feel like i need to talk to someone and none of my friends really understand, they all sorta know that I’ve had problems with EDs for my adolescence but either don’t know the extent or think im better.

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help with restriction/purge cycle
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Sat Jun 16 20:09:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ro1dm/help_with_restrictionpurge_cycle/
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For the past week I've been restricting a lot (like 300-500 calories a day plus walking 5 miles every day). Not really intentional but kind of disgusted by food right now. My fear is that this will trigger a binge period (I get seemingly insatiable hungers and eat around 3000 calories a day, lots of sugar, it's gross and tiring and isolating).

Can anyone help - even with some motivational words to keep me from binging? I hate being in this cycle and I realize that binging is probably keeping me at a semi-healthy BMI (16.5 right now, rather than 13 at my lowest) but i really hate binging. I've tried upping my intake but i am so disgusted by food when I restrict. it's not like i'm hungry and deprive myself - i really can't force myself to eat any food on restriction days. i don't feel hungry at all now have been very light headed the past few days and have ringing in my ears sometimes.

anyway, please help me stay away from binging. i can't keep up this cycle.

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[Discussion] DAE have this extremely specific disgusting fantasy?
/u/manateens
Created: Sat Jun 16 19:58:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rnz1k/dae_have_this_extremely_specific_disgusting/
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So I should preface this with the fact that I have a lot of bowel problems

But I have this fantasy every time I poop that theres actually a massive fecal impaction, we're talking tumor-size. Life threatening size. Constipation so bad it's like that xray that circulated tumblr years ago of the guy whos bowels were so distended he literally had shit up to his shoulders. Opiate addict level constipation. And suddenly it dislodges and I drop at LEAST ten pounds. And my whole torso is suddenly smaller because obviously the impaction is in my abdomen but my intestines are backed up past my ribcage.

And yet here I am fasting day 4 and most likely cleared out and the same size 😭😭😭😭

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[Rant/Rave] ik i shouldn’t compare but..
/u/biblicalirony
Created: Sat Jun 16 19:53:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rny5t/ik_i_shouldnt_compare_but/
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a friend of mine was having a graduation party today and was talking to a few of her other friends - all not mutual just bc i don’t go to the same school as any of them. we were all outside just hanging out and i couldn’t help but stare in awe at how both pretty and skinny they were all. i felt incredibly out of place bc im the exact opposite (both not-so-pretty and not-so-thin). this one girl was making a joke about she didn’t want to dance later on bc she didn’t want to expose her body-rolls and im like biTCH where ?? ugh ik i shouldn’t be as salty and petty and ~competitive~ as i am now but it just.. sucks bc i was feeling kinda okay about myself earlier on but seeing them reminded me just how much i hated my body. i know it’s fucked but the only good thing i got out of it was that i developed motivation not to eat anymore tonight. i i already kinda assumed i went a bit over my limit (~1000) so it’s not too too bad. just gonna drink more water so i can pee it all out by tomorrow’s weigh-in loll

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Picking at food
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Sat Jun 16 19:28:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rntbt/picking_at_food/
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DAE pick at food when you cook it or when you clean up? I’m so bad about this! If anyone has tips please share them I’m desperate! I’m almost sure it adds like 200-300 calories to my day.

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[Discussion] Weirdest or grossest things your eating disorder made you do
/u/dollydomer
Created: Sat Jun 16 18:49:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rnlnd/weirdest_or_grossest_things_your_eating_disorder/
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what are some of the weirdest/grossest things your eating disorder make you do? I saw a youtube video about this and I thought it was hilarious and a fun discussion on here ahahaha.

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Abdominal bloating?
/u/loseitjen
Created: Sat Jun 16 17:16:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rn35b/abdominal_bloating/
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So I've been purging a lot lately and I've also been feeling uncomfortably full hours after eating even a normal amount of food. I googled it and it seems like it's probably abdominal bloating but I'm a little nervous I fucked something up in my body. Has anyone experienced this/has any tips to relieve the feeling?

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[Goal] Goal = to be the woman who's got her life together
/u/Burlesqua
Created: Sat Jun 16 16:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rmrun/goal_to_be_the_woman_whos_got_her_life_together/
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Her hair, makeup and nails are always on point. She wears the nicest clothes paired with the prettiest shoes and bags. She is busy, she doesn't have time to waste. She reads, travels, goes to fancy vernissages and museums. She's thin, eats whenever she feels like it and fit in every thing, including the most obscure designer dresses. She loves cute desserts and her favorites are French pastries. Her apartment looks like the background of a victorian movie. Her bedroom smells like roses. Her perfume could make anyone falls for her. Her skin is flawless. She's a classic, delicate beauty.

^PS. ^: ^Moyoco ^Anno's ^works ^are ^the ^best ^^th ^inspo ^ever, ^I ^love ^her ^drawings ^so ^much

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Anyone else feel like this?
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Sat Jun 16 16:08:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rmo9j/anyone_else_feel_like_this/
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I feel if I had the opportunity to binge right now I would, but if I don't then I won't.

I already am pushing my limit today but I don't care.

Does anyone else ever get this feeling?

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Camp camp camp
/u/relapseandrecovery
Created: Sat Jun 16 15:40:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rmhry/camp_camp_camp/
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The title was just going to be camp but it seemed sparse lol.

I'm working at a summer camp for the next 2 months which I'm quite excited about now that I've been here 2 days. I'm making it a goal to lose weight here and thus I'm posting here to be more concrete.

Observations:

-It's mostly boys here and a sports camp so all but a handful are huge, thus making me seem smaller. There is one quite skinny boy and a few lanky ones but in general I like being away from slim boys who make me feel big for my fat distribution in comparison.

-There are three girls with possibly lower BMIs and the rest are at or above my level. The skinniest one is probably the girl in the office whose thighs are a dream. There is also a girl from the Ukraine whom I idolize. She's gorgeous. Like a model. Sharp jawline and beautiful features. She mentioned how little she eats at home compared to us Americans. I had lunch with her on the first day and tried to mimic her. She's my irl thinspo for now.

-It's quite easy to overeat if you want but also easy to get away with fasting. It's buffet style and the food is amazing given that it's a rich kid camp so it's hard to avoid but certainly possible given the many options.

-I've been quite good, guys. I have not enough people to brag about this to. I did slip up yesterday at dinner and had seconds when I shouldn't have because it was a very carby meal. I am making up for it today by having no carbs. So far so good and it's been hard because main entree at lunch was three pasta options and the salad bar was lacking. Dinner is about to happen so here's hoping.

-I think I'll burn a lot off because my job involves a lot of walking around the camp. My leader even said I should get a golf cart with how much I'll be moving around the whole place haha

-Side note but on the way to the camp from the airport, I was so fucking nauseous. I have tried to purge a million times and nothing. I thought surely when I was feeling like it'll happen without prompting, I will lose my hearty day's meal of Halo Top and an apple. Went to the bus bathroom, fingers in, anddd nada.

-Also side note. Got Halo Top for $2.50 a pint in Boston!!

---

EDNOS is ruining my happiness and spontaneity
/u/themoonlaluna
Created: Sat Jun 16 15:30:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rmfn4/ednos_is_ruining_my_happiness_and_spontaneity/
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Hi all,

Long time lurker first time poster. I started counting calories a year ago, lost some weight, binged it back, got EDNOS along the way.

I need some advice or something I guess. TLDR at the end

I am largely binge free which is awesome but... my obsession and compulsions to count calories is wrecking me.

I’m supposed to go on a vacation with my friend, I’m vegan so I decided to go to good old TJs and stock up in the essentials for beach and hiking.

I put everything into my suitcase and then it started bugging me... I kept looking at the cereal and trail mix I bought and just started sweating... so I went and opened every FUCKING package and weighed measured and labeled just enough servings for me and my friend. I was so anxious the entire time.

In my day to day life I have 100% control over my food... but this vacation is the first time in about 6months that I won’t have access to a food scale and my family would be weird if I used measuring cups and I don’t WANT to be that person that’s constantly thinking in calories. This vacation and prepping for t really showed me how bad my counting compulsion is.

Anxiety is the trigger for my binges (and binges cause me anxiety fuck me) and this trip is going to send me over the edge. It’s with a friend I haven’t seen in awhile, my dads family (we aren’t in great terms but I wanted the lake house), lots of travel time and the worst... it’ll be 50/50 of unconstructed time and otherwise social time (I have social anxiety so....)

I hate that I can’t stop counting calories, I hate that I KNOW I’m going to binge and be an anxious mess this weekend when I should be enjoying the sun and beach and hammock.

I guess this is just- an introduction? A rant? A call for advice? A need for validation? A scream into the void? Whatever it is, I just wanted to say I appreciate this community.

TLDR; have EDNOS, spontaneity ruining calorie counting obsession is threatening to ruin my vacation, I feel overwhelmed with this disorder and I desperately want to change....

---

Who do you want to be?
/u/skinnifat
Created: Sat Jun 16 15:01:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rm8y3/who_do_you_want_to_be/
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Hello hello. Okay, I know lately I’ve been posting “non-ED” things on here but seriously, all of you are my favorite people on the internet and I love hearing about your lives! It makes me happy and I hope it makes you all happy too! Please forgive me lovely mods.

SO. If the pressures of society didn’t exist, who would you be???? I would love to be a cute little fairy that spends 95% of her time in the woods, exploring new places, drinking tea, doing yoga, collecting crystals, sleeping in hammocks, and reading books!

But instead I’m a mechanical engineer at an aerospace company..... LOL

Tell me your dreams! Not the dreams that society tells you to reach for, but the dreams that the depths of your soul craves.

PSA: I’ve asked about dreams before, but this ones a little different

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[Rant/Rave] A diary entry of sorts.
/u/saltinedust
Created: Sat Jun 16 14:59:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rm8cg/a_diary_entry_of_sorts/
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Today was the first in ages I've been outside with people other than my sister (which is already torture since she's gorgeous). I mean it's almost been 6 months since I've been out with this group of girls. In this group there are these sisters, who are absolutely the sweetest people ever, but it's always so triggering coz on top of being absolute rays of sunshine, they are stunningly beautiful and so so skinny. Naturally skinny.
And while all the girls looked glorious in their rompers and summer tans, I wore my standard self imposed uniform of gray hoodie and black jeans. I want to be normal and perfect like them. And while I have a lump in my throat, but I'm motivated

---

[Rant/Rave] Small Binge Win is also Loss
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Sat Jun 16 14:53:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rm709/small_binge_win_is_also_loss/
---
I went on a binge run last night lmao end my life. I felt so fucking guilty looking at the cost and knowing how many healthy meals I could have made for myself and my friends with that, and I'm just getting cookies and ice cream like an asshole

But I did get lower cal versions of the things I was gonna grab so yyyay?

Win: stopped myself halfway in!!!

Loss: oh no that means there's food left and if I put that in the cabinets I have to explain when I bought it and why it's ALREADY halfway empty...

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I was so close to eating a bagel and starting a binge that I had to pour rancid grease on it to keep myself from eating it.
/u/justletmedieinpeace
Created: Sat Jun 16 14:45:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rm5bv/i_was_so_close_to_eating_a_bagel_and_starting_a/
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In other news, the dog loved it and I AM DOWN EIGHT POUNDS THIS WEEK! That might not be a lot of weight for some people but it's a lot for me!!!

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dae feel legitimately big-boned??
/u/orkestrels
Created: Sat Jun 16 14:16:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rlyiz/dae_feel_legitimately_bigboned/
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i know it's a joke to say "i'm actually big-boned" to dismiss critiques about weight but like i seriously feel like my bones are too big lol.. like i think it makes me look thinner than i am to other people because my bones stick out. even when i was at a normal bmi, i could feel my bones really easily, without stretching, like my ribs, my hips, my collarbones, etc. my bf went on a trip for only a couple of days and when he came back he thought i had lost weight, but i really hadn't.. i honestly think my bones are like, too big.

it doesn't make me feel dainty or thin though. it makes me feel kind of vulgar and like even my bones are fat lol, and it scares me that even if i get to my goal weight i won't really be "skinny" because my bones are too big. dae feel this way or have advice?? :(

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Always eat until I get uncomfortably full
/u/AmShitAtUsernames
Created: Sat Jun 16 14:03:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rlvnt/always_eat_until_i_get_uncomfortably_full/
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I always eat until I get really full, to the point where it gives me pain in my stomach, I feel uncomfortable and that I can't possibly stuff any more food in me. It's been like this for years, and I don't know how to just eat one portion, or how to limit myself when food all around me is so delicious. If I wasn't so obsessed with calories and went through multiple cycles of gaining and losing the same 10kg I would have been obese by now.

Anyone have any advice, or does it just boil down to will power and mental control?

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[Help] Help
/u/InDaStratosphere7
Created: Sat Jun 16 13:53:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rlt8d/help/
---
On mobile, so can't flair.

I don't know what yo do. I thought I'd beaten my ED two years ago. TWO FUC*ING YEARS AGO! Thats how long it was since I purged regularly. Now it's back and it's worse than before. I was so happy, so were all my friends. I don't know how to tell them that it's back and a lot worse.

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[Rant/Rave] Ranting a bit (trigger WARNING)
/u/BitsyTheBunny
Created: Sat Jun 16 12:53:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rlf50/ranting_a_bit_trigger_warning/
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Ok, so this is my first post here. Right now I'm really pissed, people keep telling me "Well you choose to starve your self" "anorexia is a decision" and just other stupid things. Every time I look at my legs I cry, I have a thigh gap but my legs feel huge. People keep saying "why don't you want to look normal" and it is really annoying because they rebut what I say.

This was rlly disorganised, just had to rant because I'm so pissed and triggered.

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[Rant/Rave] ate out for Father's day
/u/xuyaojian
Created: Sat Jun 16 12:14:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rl617/ate_out_for_fathers_day/
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and I'm seriously so miserable. Yesterday I ate too much so I planned on fasting today to make up for it and that's fine, but we went out to eat and I ended up eating probably 1000 ish calories. I came home and cried and my mother walked in, only for her to call me brainwashed by Korean society (I have some kpop girl group idols on my walls). I'm Chinese American and she's always trying to insinuate that I'm not a real Chinese and that I want to be Korean, so it was even more upsetting. I just feel so miserable and angry and I wish I hadn't eaten today and I wish she'd just left me alone.

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What vitamins/supplements should I add in?
/u/oceanblue10
Created: Sat Jun 16 11:41:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rkyc3/what_vitaminssupplements_should_i_add_in/
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Hello all! So I was just hoping to find out if I should add something to my regimen!

I currently take a multi vitamin (gummies!), Calcium+d, apple cider vinegar casules, EC stack every once in a while (bronkaid+caffeine+green tea) and that's it! Also does anyone know what aloe vera gel capsules do? Thanks!

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The right way to deal with unwanted questions
/u/imjustpassingthru2
Created: Sat Jun 16 11:37:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rkx97/the_right_way_to_deal_with_unwanted_questions/
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https://gfycat.com/NiftyObedientKoalabear

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[Rant/Rave] my boyfriend doesn’t care about me and treats me like garbage lol. if I was thinner, maybe he would care more
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Sat Jun 16 11:28:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rkvbb/my_boyfriend_doesnt_care_about_me_and_treats_me/
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I spent this whole week arguing with my boyfriend, you can look at my post history. yesterday, I asked him to stop being so aggressive when he’s with me.. like pinning me down and squishing me because sometimes he underestimates his strength/weight. he said it’s hard to take me seriously when I say “get off” or “I’m serious”, and that I basically lead him on. I told him at his house I went downstairs to cry for a bit after he got too rough and he said it was my fault and I should’ve talked to him about it instead of crying. then I told him I did sit down to talk about it with him but he still continued doing what he does, to which he told me he doesn’t remember that chat because he was more concerned with fixing his computer.

this guy literally doesn’t care about things that make me uncomfortable and conveniently forgets talks that I have with him to try and fix it. and then when I bring it up to him, he gets defensive and brushes me off. I feel like if I was thinner or prettier he would pay more attention to me because I can’t imagine him doing this with this one girl he used to really like. just wow, i feel fucking destroyed at this realization

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Just a short reminder for y’all 💚
/u/__charlotte_
Created: Sat Jun 16 10:49:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rklmp/just_a_short_reminder_for_yall/
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https://i.redd.it/gtyvzcy97e411.jpg

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A poem performed by a guy called Daniel that we should all watch
/u/brlouse
Created: Sat Jun 16 10:42:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rkk37/a_poem_performed_by_a_guy_called_daniel_that_we/
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https://youtu.be/YrrIR3_G2w4

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A performance of a poem called "A Letter to My Eating Disorder" by Daniel of Button Poetry
/u/brlouse
Created: Sat Jun 16 10:40:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rkjqh/a_performance_of_a_poem_called_a_letter_to_my/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrrIR3_G2w4&index=21&list=PLC5PJtWBigV0HcwjTMPiomDrkwFxne5XW

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[Goal] A STRANGER AT THE GYM SAID I LOOK SMALL
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Sat Jun 16 10:24:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rkfvn/a_stranger_at_the_gym_said_i_look_small/
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Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh. I swear I could ride this high right down to my goal weight.

I see the same older gentleman at the gym every once in a while, maybe twice a week. I’ve been hitting the gym two times a day, and keeping my calories really low. As I was leaving the sauna, he said “since you’ve been here you’ve shrunk way down” and Y’ALL I COULD HAVE DIED. I’ve lost 24 pounds since I started at this gym in April. THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME.

Doesn’t know me. Has no reason to flatter me. Is not hitting on me. Just said it like it was a fact. I tried to contain my excitement and I just could not. “OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE SO NICE.”

24 down, 24 to go. Literally halfway to my goal. 🙌🏼

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I got my period and I feel like an absolute failure.
/u/smolpriincess
Created: Sat Jun 16 09:40:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rk4yy/i_got_my_period_and_i_feel_like_an_absolute/
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my monthly reminder that I am fat : )

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[Help] its my second day in italy and i’m panicking
/u/pistachiocreams
Created: Sat Jun 16 09:24:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rk1ea/its_my_second_day_in_italy_and_im_panicking/
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i’m currently on vacation in italy and i can’t stop stressing about food. i originally came into the trip with the mindset that i was just gonna forget about restricting and enjoy myself but that is way easier said than done.
so far today i’ve had
1/2 of a cream donut
1/2 of a croissant
pineapple, grapes, and a large strawberry
1/4 of a baguette
a mini baguette
grilled vegetables (i was trying to be healthy but they drizzled olive oil on it seriously HELP)
brie cheese (i ate like 2/3 of the mini wheel that came with my grilled veggies)
a couple bites of gelato
and watermelon
which brings me to a grand total of 1,210 calories and its not even dinner. if we were walking more i wouldn’t be worried but we’re only getting maybe ~15,000 steps a day.
i already feel so bloated and want to fast for the rest of the day, what do i do? i just don’t want to lose my progress i’ve lost 5 lbs in the past couple weeks and i know i will panic if i have to restart.

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[Help] Movies/shows that will put me off eating?
/u/rachelxpalmer
Created: Sat Jun 16 09:19:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rk04d/moviesshows_that_will_put_me_off_eating/
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So I just watched Gummo for the 1st time and it was so good but SO disgusting. The bathtub spaghetti scene in particular almost made me throw up and for a second I felt like I would never eat again, lol. Does anybody have any similar titles that have successfully put you off food for a while??

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[Rant/Rave] Food is fucking me up
/u/BroItsJesus
Created: Sat Jun 16 09:02:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rjvzo/food_is_fucking_me_up/
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I went to see a movie with my lovely boyfriend who has stuck with me through thick and thin tonight. Beforehand we planned to get burritos, but the store was closed when we got there (literally my fault exclusively), so we went to McDonald's. I got upset at the sudden change in meal plans (this has been a constant for me since I was around 14), and I was really fucking rude to him for no reason. I'm drunk now because fuck it literally who cares about calories anymore I had a quarter pounder, and I just feel so fucking shit. He didn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve so much of the stress I cause him. It's so easy to feel like I should leave him just so he doesn't have to put up with my irrational moods and mean personality anymore. Constant panic attacks, food anxiety and my fucking undiagnosed but obvious autism makes me the worst partner in the world. Holy shit I hate myself sometimes.

/rant

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[Rant/Rave] Only 100 days left until I reach my UGW
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Sat Jun 16 08:13:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rjlbc/only_100_days_left_until_i_reach_my_ugw/
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...Or that’s what the Lose It! app says, anyways. I restricted down to 400 cals yesterday and felt great. I’m up to 440 today, but I’m doing a few miles to burn that off. I’m also getting a Fitbit/Apple Watch soon, which (I’m hoping) will make me more motivated to move more.

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Default (Fasting) Cheat-Meal.
/u/LMichaelM
Created: Sat Jun 16 07:39:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rjefx/default_fasting_cheatmeal/
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Fasting. Hit by insatiable generic craving. Hydrating, waiting it out, and all distractions fail. So, cue default (fasting) cheat-meal: •yellow mustard •salsa verde •black coffee… *carbs & calories negligible…* ***[bon appetit!](http://imgur.com/c3Un6qA)***

*[edit: flair added]*

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Default (Fasting) Cheat-Meal.
/u/LMichaelM
Created: Sat Jun 16 07:36:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rjdsl/default_fasting_cheatmeal/
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Fasting. Hit by insatiable generic craving. Hydrating, waiting it out, and all distractions fail. So, cue default (fasting) cheat-meal: •yellow mustard •salsa verde •black coffee… *carbs & calories negligible…* ***[bon appetit!](http://imgur.com/c3Un6qA)***

*[edit: flair added]*

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Fasting Cheat-Meal [Rant/Rave]
/u/LMichaelM
Created: Sat Jun 16 07:06:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rj8ef/fasting_cheatmeal_rantrave/
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Fasting. Hit by insatiable generic craving. Waiting it out and all distractions prove futile. So, cue default (fasting) cheat-meal: *•yellow mustard •salsa Verde •black coffee… [bon appetit!](http://imgur.com/c3Un6qA)*

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Have a party tonight....
/u/ekwater
Created: Sat Jun 16 06:41:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rj3u9/have_a_party_tonight/
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I have a family celebration tonight at a barbecue place and I'm freaking out a little bit.

I do want to enjoy the food there, I've been planning for it. But I also don't want to go super overboard.

How do you guys keep it moderate? (I.e. eat like a normal person). I feel like I get stuck between extremes, but at parties I especially tend to overindulge

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update from me, the inpatient guy
/u/-sadgarden
Created: Sat Jun 16 06:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rj2pv/update_from_me_the_inpatient_guy/
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if you havent seen my last post, im currently STILL inpatient for my depression and struggling with undiagnosed ed behaviours(mostly binge/fast).

atm im making great progress in having more positive thoughts, a daily structuce and way less selfharm. sometimes i even manage to eat normal-sized meals.

but what makes me panic rn is that my binges got a lot worse. both amount and frequency wise. went from less than weekly to having 2 days a week where i stuff my stomach with as much food as physically fits in there.

in the past i was in (arguably a sick kind of) balance. i binge, i hate myself, fast a few days. in the end that results in a slow weightloss. but curretly i cant fast without relapsing back into selfhate, so i eat kinda normally on days where would have fasted before.
the balance i thrown off.

and if i dont do someting VERY SOON to get my binges under control it will just get worse and lead to serious gains.

i dont know what to do.
i dont want to keep doing this.
i dont want to spend money i dont really have on food i dont want at all.
i dont want my stomach being in pain from being streched so much to be the only reason to stop eating.
i dont want to lose control over myself all the time.
i dont want to become as fat as i was before again.
ive already forgotten when the last time was when i wasnt bloated and/or constipated.

i really need to do something. in the past it was like ok sure idc if i isolate myself all the time and am in constant mental agony. atleast im slowly losing weight.

but now im also at risk of gaining a lot of weight over time.
and i would be ready to do literally anything to stop that.
idc if i would have to seek professionaly ed-help.

ive even tought about starting to purge everything. but im not sure if that would stop me from gaining in the long run since as soon as my stomach is empty again i just keep eating more.

in a last ditch effort i could also just willingly relapse into hardcore restriction.
but i want to keep that as a last possible solution since it would mean giving up all the mental stability ive gained in the past few months.

so yea, im scared and desperate and in need of help :(
thanks for reading through all my bullshit rambling.

ps: on mobile so flair is rant or help.
also i need to update my flair. theres no way im still below 20bmi...

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[Other] went to a slimming centre (story)
/u/chzkayla
Created: Sat Jun 16 06:26:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rj18a/went_to_a_slimming_centre_story/
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this is super funny to me bc i deal with ednos and the things they say are HILARIOUS.
so basically i won this free trial thing where i get to go to this centre and try out their slimming products and things along that line. and i had consultation with this woman who was shocked when i told her that i eat lesser than 1200kcal(didn’t want to tell her any lower bc humans suck) and she was like shocked, and told me that a comatose patient takes in at least 1100kcal a day even tho they are comatose, i laughed and snorted bc, girl the last time i had 1200 was a good few months ago LOL.

she then proceeded to ask me how many meals i consume a day, and i told her 1, a late lunch. and she was like “oh no, you should take all 3 meals, or else your food that you consumed will be stored” aka starvation mood. *cues snorting again*

and next, she tell me that losing weight via my method aka the 1 meal a day, below 1200cal is causing me to i quote “only lose body muscle and not fat” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA errrr LOL. ok girl that’s not what your body analyzer said but ok.

and i did that trial thing, and never look into it again. LOL.
but i really do wanna invest in a body analyzer tho, damn.

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[Discussion] TFW you’ve been restricting for so long that you don’t even like food anymore
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Sat Jun 16 06:12:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8riz0p/tfw_youve_been_restricting_for_so_long_that_you/
---
My hunger has just...dissapeared. I’ve been restricting heavily since April, and now in the middle of June, I’ve lost all interest in food. I used to dream up these binges and watch YouTube videos of 10,000 calorie challenges to get ideas for b/p sessions. And now, I’ve limited my intake so much that when I see things I used to love binging on, I get sick. Most of me is relieved, but part of me is sad. I have zero joy in food anymore. Maybe that’s a good thing, since I used food to cope with a lot of my emotional ups and Downs. But I’ve reached a the point of food aversion that I don’t even know how to grocery shop for my husband and myself anymore.

I just kind of throw things in a cart and assume I’ll figure out a meal for him. As for me, I’m living off of chicken breast and steamed broccoli.

Anyone else feel this way after a long period of restriction?

---

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! June 16, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 16 06:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8riys5/stupid_questions_saturday_june_16_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for June 16, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 16, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 16 06:10:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8riypk/daily_food_diary_june_16_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 16, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Help] Will I gain?
/u/strawberrybubblegam
Created: Sat Jun 16 05:53:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rivwt/will_i_gain/
---
These past 2 weeks i’ve been eating from 0-300 calories a day, but last night I ended up going out to eat, and my total became 1000. Will I gain? I’m at 96 pounds rn and Im terrified of any increase on the scale, especially because my metabolism has slowed so much. (5’3” Female) I also don’t have access to a scale until monday. Will it make a difference?

Sorry for all the text and my rambling, i’m really anxious

---

[Rant/Rave] Rant/Rave Twitter
/u/AmShitAtUsernames
Created: Sat Jun 16 05:01:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rio78/rantrave_twitter/
---
I have a fasting thread on my twitter page, which is hidden beneath a pinned post called "threads". You have to click on the post, and then click on the "fasting thread" to find my fasting threads. This one girl manage to stumble upon one of my thread posts, even though we have 0 mutual followers and nobody interacts with my posts in general. She then decides to send me this.

>girl: Is it actually necessary to blog your fast ? (apr 20)

>girl: literally I don't think u know what ur doing ? I came across ur twitter and it's the most triggering thing ever, blogging your little fucking 'fasting thread'. You are deluded I hope you realise people like u are the ones who make others ill and promote ED's, stupid bitch (apr 24)


I would post the screenshot of it but it says that if you don't upload it with Imgur it will be marked as spam, and I'm too lazy to do that sadly.


Keep in mind, I didn't notice those messages before early June because I'm bad with Twitter, also, she was angry for four days straight more or less. If she didn't want to see fasting threads, why didn't she mute them? It's easy to mute words on Twitter, but for some reason, she manages to stumble upon a thread of mine/see my thread in her TL, and instead of muting the words or blocking me (like a normal, sane person would do), she instead gets angry for four days straight and decides to insult me.

I did something very petty afterwards (no regrets), and I ended up reporting her account (she continued to insult me after the petty thing I did) and got an e-mail that her account had got locked down, and that she needed to do some steps to be able to unlock it. Oh well.


If you don't like what I post, then block/unfollow/mute, simple as that.

---

What's the weirdest place you've ever purged at?
/u/IcyGreenEyes
Created: Sat Jun 16 04:13:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rihs8/whats_the_weirdest_place_youve_ever_purged_at/
---
I'm at work right now and just purged outside, standing but kinda stooped over, right in the open...There was no one around but still felt "off." This was definitely a weird one for me. I used to throw up in plastic bags in my room but even that is in the privacy of my home.

So yeah, what's the weirdest place you've purged?

---

[Rant/Rave] i discovered the loquat today
/u/yifans
Created: Sat Jun 16 02:53:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ri73c/i_discovered_the_loquat_today/
---
i’m spending a month with my family overseas, and my grandmother offered me a small fruit i had never seen in my life. my mother did not know the english name for it, and i timidly bit it. it was apricot-sized and orange.
god damn, if that wasn’t the most delicious fruit i’ve had in a LONG time. so i ate like three. then i had google translate help me, and i went to accept my fate, as a small fruit obviously had 100 calories apiece.

6 calories each. it’s not a grape, it’s not a raspberry. it’s a loquat. i feel like i won today and it’s not even noon.

---

[Rant/Rave] Can't sleep, so what do I do? Weigh myself. Again.
/u/Teamrc2016
Created: Sat Jun 16 01:35:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rhwif/cant_sleep_so_what_do_i_do_weigh_myself_again/
---
https://i.redd.it/u9ruveqjgb411.jpg

---

How to stop yourself from bingeing:
/u/sweettutu64
Created: Sat Jun 16 01:03:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rhrr3/how_to_stop_yourself_from_bingeing/
---
Eat almost all of a tub of frosting LAST night so you can only eat the scrapings tonight

---

[Help] What are your favorite safe foods from Trader Joe's?
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs
Created: Fri Jun 15 23:58:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rhhtr/what_are_your_favorite_safe_foods_from_trader_joes/
---
I'm going for a haul in a couple days and I haven't been to a TJ's in, like, a couple years. All my favorite snacks are not the best (dried fruit, chocolate covered things, snack foods etc.) - what are your favorite safe foods from TJ's?

---

being full is the worst feeling in the world
/u/strawberrysickness
Created: Fri Jun 15 23:57:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rhhqc/being_full_is_the_worst_feeling_in_the_world/
---
i just ate a banana, a quarter cup of blueberries, and four blackberries, and maybe a half ounce of nuts. my stomach hurts. i feel bloated already from binging on wednesday and thrusday, but then i ate again and now it's worse. i want this to go away. i want to feel hungry and empty again. what am i supposed to do? fast for as long as possible??

---

[Discussion] DAE do this?
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Fri Jun 15 23:45:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rhfr8/dae_do_this/
---
After I make my food I always feel the need to set a timer on my phone (sometimes for five minutes, usually for fifteen-twenty) and make myself wait that long to eat it so I don't feel greedy. I don't know why I do this /:

---

Did you gain weight more easily after keto?
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Fri Jun 15 23:28:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rhd2c/did_you_gain_weight_more_easily_after_keto/
---
Sorry if I'm posting too much. I'm just super confused at this point and would like some advice

I have been on a vegan keto diet for almost a month. Before this I had a few months of binging which led me to gain around 30lbs. I'm talking eating around 4000 calories a day for coping and just it was an all around bad time. Before those binging months I did "regular" restriction. I ate around 600-800 calories a day and obsessed over food all day and had insane binges (to where I thought my stomach would burst) once in a while. I fainted and I had constant headaches and was dizzy a lot. It was horrible but it's not like I "decided" to do it. I just felt out of control.

So I did a little research and found the keto diet. I've been vegan for a while but the keto part is new. So I eat around 800 calories a day now and I am losing around 2lbs a week and I feel much better. I obsess more over my body and weight now vs obsessing over food before. I don't really have a big appetite and I feel "satisfied" after my OMAD (one meal a day). I don't feel as weak and I just feel better.

I thought this was all amazing since I've been doing bad for so long. But of course nothing is perfect. I recently learned that after keto it can be easier to put on weight (I'm talking about fat gain, not water weight).

>And if you’re following the diet for weight loss, it's important to >know that you may gain weight back when and if you go back to >your normal eating habits. “A ketogenic diet is fantastic for some >people, but it’s not a lifelong diet for everyone,” says Jalali, who >says she sees benefits for people with chronic conditions such as >epilepsy, type 2 diabetes and PCOS — but sometimes negative >effects for people who go on the diet for weight loss. “A lot of >patients find that when they come off the diet, they regain >weight very easily,” she says. “The theory is that by being on the >ketogenic diet for a prolonged period of time, their bodies >become very sensitive and efficient at metabolizing >carbohydrates.”

This terrifies me. When I reach my UGW I definitely do not want to continue eating this way. It's basically an "easy" means to an end for now. I want to maintain eating "normally" (probably more carbs than a normal diet because vegans eat lots of carbs usually).

I'm scared it will screw up my metabolism and make me incredibly carb sensitive. I will just have a breakdown if I finally reach my ugw and I can't even eat normally without gaining huge amounts of weight.

Anyone who has experience being on a ketogenic diet (preferably more than a month) then going back to "normal" could you please comment if (besides water weight) you felt that your weight gain was more rapid? Or did you have an easy time maintaining? Thanks:)

TL;DR: Did you gain weight more rapidly after stopping a prolonged keto diet (not including water weight)?

---

has any one else fainted while purging?
/u/litttlegirllost
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:57:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rh7ms/has_any_one_else_fainted_while_purging/
---
yesterday I fainted while I was purging and im still trying to recover from it.

---

TFW you realise that even if you become a teeny tiny waif, you’ll never be pretty.
/u/bronzeriver
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:44:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rh5ei/tfw_you_realise_that_even_if_you_become_a_teeny/
---
Those eyes, that skin, that nose, those legs, that face, that bone structure

That complete lack of any sort of desirable personality

Even if you were half the size they were, you’d still be an ugly little freak that is undeserving of love

At least if I don’t eat I’ll disappear and it won’t matter if I’m pretty, in the end.

---

I binged tonight and I feel like my narcissistic alcoholic mom (TW)
/u/kpatable
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:34:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rh3ln/i_binged_tonight_and_i_feel_like_my_narcissistic/
---
I have been extra stressed this week and especially today. I was rejected by a guy I thought it was going really well with, and I really really liked him (and still do), and dealing with that is hard enough. But what made me binge tonight is that I took my pet hedgehog to the vet today, and the visit alone was super fucking stressful because my hedgie hated it (and is now being even more anxious and protective of himself because it stressed him out so much), but there is a chance he might have at tumor. I haven't been able to let myself feel all of the sorrow and fear that prospect makes me feel because it would be so fucking painful, and I really don't want to just be depressed and isolated for weeks about this. Plus I want to be strong for him so I can do what I need to do to take care of him (he probably just has an inflammation, and they sold me meds for it). I'm just... I feel so lonely and drained and exhausted, and I really don't know what to do to help myself. Oh yeah, and my back cramped up a couple days ago and significantly limited my mobility for a couple days, and I'm still recovering from that. So like, I am fucking **stressed**.

I have been learning to cope with my mental illness, and I've gotten a lot better at that, but like how do I cope with external shit that isn't mostly in my head? My depression, anxiety, and ED all tell me things that ultimately aren't true, and so I can combat those thoughts with logic and therapy stuff. But how do I combat real life, true things that don't go ever go away? How do I grieve? How do I live with tragedies I can't change?

And so, as the title says, I binged tonight because I wanted to numb my sorrow in the easiest way I could think of, so I stuff my face full of prolly 2000 calories tonight. I don't do it often, but I still couldn't help think of images of my mom sitting at the couch with vodka and a ton of takeout and/or junk food just escaping into that and shitty TV night after night for the past 2-3 years. I don't want to be her. I can't be her. I can't turn into someone who takes out her shit on people around her like she's taken her shit out on me. I ultimately know I won't. But I feel so disgusted when I feel like my mom. Because so much about her disgusts me.

---

Worried
/u/daintydollll
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:21:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rh14a/worried/
---
do you think by eating normally and then going to extreme fasting for years is ruining my body? I'm scared my body is just going to give up one day because some days I eat fine then I restrict for awhile

---

all I can think about is pizza and chicken wings right now.
/u/longlostbaristaa
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:19:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rh0q0/all_i_can_think_about_is_pizza_and_chicken_wings/
---
I'm so hungry

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[Help] Foods with textures similar to pasta?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:15:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rh015/foods_with_textures_similar_to_pasta/
---
I know a lot of people love shirataki noodles but the thing I miss most about pasta is the texture. Are there any good replacements for that? Sorry if his is a strange question.

---

[Rant/Rave] Struggling through
/u/smallmadscientist
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:15:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rh000/struggling_through/
---
These days, my ED has been worse than usual due to the amount of stress I have been under. I’m in a state where I am binging one day and restricting the next couple or so. I am constantly bloated, my acne is worse, and I do not know how to get out of this cycle with the constant stress. Oh, and I’ve probably gained 10lbs and that’s not helping my self esteem.

A few months ago, I had decreased funding (thanks to politics) for my project at work and so now I am only making base salary. This is not enough for me to live off and I’ve made a lot of changes to try and save as much as possible; however, I’m still stuck in a lease that’s double what I can afford and I won’t be moving until next month. On top of that, I’m barely making payments on time and can’t really afford food (oh hey, easy restriction excuse). Things will get better once I move to the cheaper location and it should work within my budgeted means.

I’m also debating going to a clinic for my ED because I feel my life has been a mess these days. I shouldn’t be in this situation and I constantly blame myself for everything and think I am pretty worthless.

I just wanted to rant, all suggestions welcome (second jobs? Preferably evening since I’m at the hospital 8-5, and no MLM’s), and should I go forward with seeking some sort of ed therapy treatment?

---

What are some of your favorite hobbies to distract yourself?
/u/smolpriincess
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:15:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgzxl/what_are_some_of_your_favorite_hobbies_to/
---
I need ideas on how to take my mind off my thoughts. I have been in school all my life and now I'm done and just am alone with my thoughts constantly so I need a hobby:)

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Helpful methods to prevent binges
/u/bunnywithbpd
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:14:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgzux/helpful_methods_to_prevent_binges/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/BingeEatingDisorder/comments/8rgwjh/helpful_mental_exercises_to_try/

---

[Rant/Rave] Bad Habits
/u/borrellia
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgz8n/bad_habits/
---
I’ve been (ab)using Adderall for about a year as an appetite suppressant, and more recently as a way to actually complete my 5-8 hour workouts (long distance cycling) without fainting or getting stranded somewhere. I’ve found that it’s most effective if I only do it every other day (the longer the break the more effective it is), but I need something to keep me functional and non-binge-y on the in-between days. I’ve started taking Bronkaid, & combined with the fact that I was dumped last week by the only person that made my life worth living, my appetite has been successfully beaten into submission (even with the ~400 miles of cycling I’ve done in the past week). I’m miserable and in constant discomfort but hey, at least my stomach’s kind of flat.

---

I got extra fries tonight at the drive thru because the mcdonald's guy thought I was cute, I'm conflicted
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:07:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgyhl/i_got_extra_fries_tonight_at_the_drive_thru/
---
on one hand I'm so so soososososo so flattered. this is the second time this year a drive thru guy cheered me up. it was a bad week, I gained 10 pounds in the past month, and I know I look bloated and unattractive. on the other hand, I don't have enough self control to throw away these fries, I'm 100% going to eat them, and it's 100% going to put me over the calories I was saving for tomorrow

---

Why is food so complicated???
/u/tryingwithmarkers
Created: Fri Jun 15 22:03:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgxjg/why_is_food_so_complicated/
---
I eat it, I get sick. I don't eat it, I get sick. I don't even know what to do.

Today I've had: a veggie sausage sandwich on one piece of bread, cheese & crackers, strawberries & cream, a cupcake, a cookie, some chips, an energy drink

So why do I feel like I'm going to throw up constantly and like I over ate??

---

Confidence Boost
/u/SpazzyAzzy
Created: Fri Jun 15 21:45:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgu6l/confidence_boost/
---
I told my coworker that I really needed to go to Goodwill for clothes. I have lost about 40 lbs from my high weight a few months ago, so my clothes don't fit anymore, I've had to dig my old highschool work clothes out. I admire for her style and body (she's a healthy weight, into yoga... Just gives off a indie rock fairy vibe), she's just really beautiful to me. And she called me tiny today. 😊 I don't think I am, but it feels nice to be called that.

I still have work to do until I get where I hope I'm satisfied, but this fuels my fire.

p.s. I managed to work a slice of pizza into my 616 calorie goal today. 👏

---

[Rant/Rave] MY WORST NIGHTMARE CAME TRUE
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Fri Jun 15 21:35:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgsa2/my_worst_nightmare_came_true/
---
I posted a little while ago about how my worst nightmare is being given regular coke instead of Diet Coke.

It fucking HAPPENED. and I didn’t realise until I was nearly done the huge glass. Rest In Peace 300 calories. DNSJSISISDIDI. and I was having an amazing restricting day like I had eaten 370 by dinner time and ran 2 miles. And then when I realised it was reg Coke I started crying, lost my appetite, but then 10 mins later I was launched into a binging episode with about 500 cals. Not too bad, but my anorexia is shaking.

---

[Rant/Rave] I weigh 105 pounds ... but look 4 months pregnant
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Fri Jun 15 21:28:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgqvl/i_weigh_105_pounds_but_look_4_months_pregnant/
---
Due to extreme constipation and build up in my digestive system ...

I feel awful 😢

---

Anxiety and an eating disorder
/u/alliwantisskinny
Created: Fri Jun 15 21:28:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgqqs/anxiety_and_an_eating_disorder/
---
having anxiety and an eating disorder really sucks because every little health issue I have i think it's way worse than it actually is. I pretty much convince myself I'm dying if I'm light headed or anything and then I make myself eat.
sorry if this is all over the place I'm kind of panicking for no reason at all other than I'm so dizzy and not okay hahaha

---

[Rant/Rave] spike day
/u/dollydomer
Created: Fri Jun 15 21:28:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgqq1/spike_day/
---
I had a spike day which was really hard to eat an actual normal amount of food (1500 cals) but I did it and now I just don't feel like I can go back to around 300 cals a day, if I don't fast I will binge. so ig I am going to see how long I can fast

---

[Intro] New here, not new to EDs though
/u/skinny-star-boy
Created: Fri Jun 15 21:26:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgqe9/new_here_not_new_to_eds_though/
---
Hey all, I’m Air! 21 years old and while looking for somewhere to belong where I can share my ed thoughts I happened upon this sub. Fallen back hardcore into ana after being v lenient for a while. It’d be nice to have people to talk with about all my ana thoughts and struggles and goals so, anyone’s welcome and encouraged to chat with me 💞

---

[Other] Chewing gum makes me sad
/u/kaelidoscope
Created: Fri Jun 15 21:20:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgp9m/chewing_gum_makes_me_sad/
---
I understand the science behind chewing gum and the bloat it causes. But then the bloat causes cramps and the cramps are at the pre-birth control level suffering. Thanks body I really appreciate it. Guess I'll go without the gum, so holla at your girl but not from too close because I'll be having stinky breath from now on :))))

---

DA eat Cliff bars?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Fri Jun 15 21:17:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgolm/da_eat_cliff_bars/
---
250 for one bar? Is it worth it though? Are they nasty? What flavor do you like best? Seems kinda dense for that? If I do eat that, I’ll have it with a protein shake or diet drink but that will be all I have for that day.

Needing some replies

thanks xx

---

The worst purger ever.
/u/rachelsquared
Created: Fri Jun 15 20:42:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rghkv/the_worst_purger_ever/
---
Warning: I'm going to talk about purging, and not in a recovery way. Please don't respond with judgement or that I should stop. I'm not there yet. At this point I'm focused on harm reduction.

So...I have a lot of trouble purging. I haven't been really successful at it. Now I get food up, but the thing is, it doesn't come up all at once. Instead, it's like a 30min to an hour-long process of me pushing up the tiniest bit at a time. Spitting it out. Forcing another tiny bit out. Etc. Etc. Etc. No matter what I try, there isn't continuous flow. Literally like a tbsp at a time. The process is time consuming and more painful than a quick, big purge. It's like a full body workout trying to force food up and I'm so sore after doing it but by bit for an hour.

Does anyone else have this problem?
I feel like a failure. I can't even purge right.

---

[Help] Questions about lax
/u/LnD13313
Created: Fri Jun 15 20:33:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgft3/questions_about_lax/
---
What is the least painful lax? The chocolates give such bad cramps I pass out.

---

[Discussion] DAE find themselves biting down on both sides of their cheeks to define their cheekbones while they’re just walking around in everyday life?
/u/redditfan5353
Created: Fri Jun 15 20:31:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rgfgn/dae_find_themselves_biting_down_on_both_sides_of/
---
Just noticed I do this a lot when I’m in public. I caught myself doing it at the grocery store.

Also, does anyone else binge on Friday/Saturday and say well I’ll start back restricting Sunday it’s a new week.

Lastly, does anyone consider like normal eating a binge? I just counted my calories this week and I averaged 600. So like 1000/1200 aka the normal amount feels like a binge.

---

“you like coffee? you are gonna shrink!”
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Fri Jun 15 19:52:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rg7cg/you_like_coffee_you_are_gonna_shrink/
---
so im babysitting this 9 yr old and im making a pot of coffee because they have hella binge food and no... so im making myself coffee :) and she’s like “you like to drink coffee? wow you are gonna shrink!”

she meant in height haha but of course i was like “weight loss, skinny, fast, yes, SHRINK A DINK!” that literally went through
my mind so no binging. (besides some nasty ice cream i had)

---

[Help] Best fast acting laxatives?
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Fri Jun 15 19:35:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rg3nu/best_fast_acting_laxatives/
---
Also should I take it before or after I eat? I’ve been drinking coffee and that works and eating spinach but I really want something stronger.

---

Confession: I kind of like feeling shaky and weak.
/u/boxxfive
Created: Fri Jun 15 18:55:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rfvdr/confession_i_kind_of_like_feeling_shaky_and_weak/
---
I always hate the hunger pangs, but when my hands shake a bit and I get light-headed when I stand up I feel dainty and fragile and small. I can pretend I'm an elegant but tragic Victorian beauty dying of consumption!

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[Rant/Rave] 960 calories of ice cream
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Fri Jun 15 18:37:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rfrox/960_calories_of_ice_cream/
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i feel disgusting right now. i didn’t eat until now, skipped B,L,D and had a cold foam coffee from Starbucks (120 cals, ugh extra vanilla...)
and my dad bought me home a pint of magnum raspberry dark chocolate ice cream. he’s like “i thought you’d be happy i got you ice cream” and i was like no no no no because ice cream is my one unsafe food i can not seem to stop binging on. I’ve had 3/4 already and it’s not even that good ????? it really isn’t. it’s making me nauseous and i hate myself because I’m gonna force myself to purge but i hate purging and i really hate myself right now lol

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Advice Needed
/u/AnathemasCurse
Created: Fri Jun 15 18:06:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rfkpr/advice_needed/
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I've been trying to eat as little as possible from nothing at all to staying at under 600 calories. Somedays I succeed, however others it ends in b/p. Any progress I make via restriction days is offset by the b/p. I'm thinking about raising my calories to 1000 daily with exercise. Has anyone had any experience with this? And if it reduces binges?

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[Thinspo] Real life thinspo crush
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Fri Jun 15 17:44:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rfftv/real_life_thinspo_crush/
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90% of the population I interact with daily are in the overweight-obese category. So it really catches my eye when someone falls in the underweight category. The past few days this girl has being coming in who is SOOOO tiny and I always act like a fucking weirdo trying not to stare but I can't help it. I love the shape of her collar bones and I just want to scream "I WANT TO LOOK LIKE YOU" at her but.. obviously can't.

I just want to get to know her and it is making feel a bit like a freak.

---

DAE watch Intervention episodes for motivation?
/u/fasting-glitter
Created: Fri Jun 15 17:23:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rfb8d/dae_watch_intervention_episodes_for_motivation/
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I know how fucked up it sounds and I don’t know why I’m even posting this.

Intervention is a show on A&E that documents addict’s stories. I have Sling, so I have access to over 200 episodes. Granted most of them are drug additions, there’s a handful of episodes that feature eating disorders.

Something about these episodes, man. I probably like them because of how these people are at their lowest low, they’re utterly gorgeous, and in the end it’s not me getting help.

I’m currently watching one about a woman with anorexia. She’s a mom of two and chews/spits and purges in front of her kids. She even shoots up at the dinner table. It’s completely heartbreaking.

Maybe I like watching these because it moves me closer to recovery. Or...stops me from progressing...I guess. Maybe.

Any thoughts on Intervention?

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Screw it. Cheat day.
/u/Sashx0
Created: Fri Jun 15 17:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rfa52/screw_it_cheat_day/
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Hey yall, long time lurker here and i think my stats arent accurate anymore, if they arent ive probably only lost 5 or so pounds.

Anyways,
Today i ate like SHIT.
Figbar (110)
Apple (80)
Frosted flakes cereal with milk (300)
And a whopper because i have no fucking self control! (670!)
Total: 1155calories

Im not done yet though, bare with me here

Im probably going to go downstairs and eat more. Ive been out of control for a few days, and today im going to let it out of my system, then do a 32-40 hour water fast to get all of the junk out of my system for the most part, and restart my veggie and fruit diet of >500 calorie/day restriction. Again.

This isnt the first time ive done this, so i know i can do it again and regain control after my fast.

So im saying fuck it, im going to eat and binge freely, and once it strikes 10pm, my fast will begin. 3 hours from now.
Ill keep ya'll updated.

Wish me luck.

---

Checkout MyPancakeAddiction - an alternative to MyProAna
/u/mypancakeaddiction
Created: Fri Jun 15 17:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rf9ie/checkout_mypancakeaddiction_an_alternative_to/
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https://mypancakeaddiction.com/index.php

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I’m supposed to go to a frat party tonight...
/u/Andersoncooperspenis
Created: Fri Jun 15 17:04:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rf6sg/im_supposed_to_go_to_a_frat_party_tonight/
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...and all I can think about is that there better be enough everclear in the jungle juice so that I promptly blackout and forget about all the sugar I’m consuming 🙃

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[Help] Starting to slip
/u/UselessProtractor
Created: Fri Jun 15 16:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rf460/starting_to_slip/
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I'm having a really hard time staying in recovery. Recently I've been restricting (not as extreme as when I was in the midst of my anorexia) and when I do eat I feel disgusted with myself. But if I don't eat I start getting depressed, cranky and get a headache. I'm so conflicted and I know that I should try to stay in recovery but I'm having a hell of a time staying logical and healthy.

---

Having a hard day
/u/_HellaIsabella_
Created: Fri Jun 15 16:48:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rf344/having_a_hard_day/
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I'm new here, hi!

I'm not having a great day. Im honestly pretty upset, I woke this morning and had lost 2 pounds, and then had some watermelon for breakfast, thinking my last meal of the day would be veggie tacos, made by me at home, so I would know exactly how much of Everything I was going to have.

Well instead of today going as planned my mom showed up and insisted we go out to lunch together since she drove 2 hours to be here. (Without asking me beforehand)

Anyway I managed to find something edible on the menu, but I'm down all of my Cals for the day so basically I can't eat anything else for the next 15 hours.

Ughhhhhhh I'm just annoyed today didn't go as planned.

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My 1000 cal. diet has just turned into a 1000 cal. BINGE
/u/lunamoreina
Created: Fri Jun 15 15:48:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8reomz/my_1000_cal_diet_has_just_turned_into_a_1000_cal/
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So I pretty much raided my kitchen and ended up bingeing on a bunch of random foods and after calculating it all and checking AGAIN, it all comes out to 1000 cal. I was just about to start crying but no, ANA saved me :)

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Does anyone hate it when someone likes them?
/u/hallowseveeve
Created: Fri Jun 15 15:43:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ren1y/does_anyone_hate_it_when_someone_likes_them/
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This sounds super bigheaded/stupid but there's a few people at work who 'like' me, and while it should be flattering, I hate it. Not only do I not feel worthy of having this because I've become an absolute pig (gained 10lbs last few months, highest I've ever been) but now I feel super self conscious in everything I do. I basically just hate attention when I feel so disgusting. I don't like the thought of someone staring at me too long and realising how fat my face is or how shit my makeup looks.

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[Rant/Rave] Brave Girl Eating book - wtf (FBT)
/u/fattie_magoo
Created: Fri Jun 15 15:29:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rejjd/brave_girl_eating_book_wtf_fbt/
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Ugh, ugh ugh. Just finished Brave Girl Eating (it’s in the google drive for this subreddit) and the whole time reading it the narrator mother made me want to rip my eyes out. I felt so, so bad for her kid.

She treats her daughter like a 5 year old - the kid is 14-15 when she first becomes anorexic and it seemed clear to me that “Kitty” was allowed no independent identity or permission to grow up - pretty big reasons to develop an ED. Also the Mom says many times she herself is 30 lbs overweight (fatlogic permeates the book) and feeds the poor girl 4000 calories A DAY. When Kitty goes below 2500 for one fuckin day the mom thinks she immediately is relapsed because she gets “antsy”. Uhhh maybe because she’s not in a total food coma? Maybe feeding your child 2 sticks of butter a day is really not setting them up for recovery a few years down the road? Like ugh way to teach your kid it’s either 300 calories a day or 2 sticks of butter. Not. Sustainable.

This lady then has the audacity to say she isn’t ever hard on her kids, and turns around saying she is so glad the younger daughter “didn’t even make any mistakes” in her harp recital. Wtf. She also says every family is capable of FBT for their child’s anorexia if they care enough. So infuriating. My father is foreign and refused to believe I even had a problem since his culture doesn’t “believe” in mental illness. Many kids have absent parents. Like what the absolute fuck, lady. Wouldn’t it be nice if all of us had parents who could afford/wanted to take time off work to force milkshakes down our throats?

Anyone here who has done FBT and who’s parents aren’t over-controlling, and who didn’t immediately relapse when they left home, please do share your experience because I am just baffled. Truly baffled. Anyone who liked the book and wants to debate with me, go for it. I am in my 30s and my parents haven’t had to deal with my ED for almost 2 decades now (I left home at age 16). Maybe I just don’t get this modern trend of over-parenting. Sorry if I sound like a bitch y’all, I am also hangry.

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[Discussion] Tell me your Trader Joe’s shopping list!
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Fri Jun 15 15:26:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8reiz1/tell_me_your_trader_joes_shopping_list/
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Preferably foods that are frozen or prepackaged- I’m doing OMAD lately which I love but I hate cooking.

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Looks like I might be back on my bullshit again...
/u/garlicbreadaddict
Created: Fri Jun 15 15:25:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8reipu/looks_like_i_might_be_back_on_my_bullshit_again/
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I'm trying so hard not to slip back into full ED habits, but when people keep commenting on how thin you've gotten - especially after you've spent the last week crying every day because quitting Zoloft is making you gain weight and giving you acne from hell - it gets really difficult.

My boyfriend came back from being gone for work for three weeks, and one of the first things he said was "Have you gotten smaller?" He's constantly telling me how great my body is and how much he loves it.

Then earlier today, I ran into two of his friends while taking something to the professor I work under, and they both told me to eat more (and called out my skinny legs !!!), which my fucked up brain took as a compliment.

Too bad I'm about to have to go eat a fuckton of food because my NA sponsor wants to celebrate my 9 months clean, and she's struggled with ED habits before so she knows my bullshit...rip thigh gap.

I feel like this sounds really braggy and I feel like shit for that ):, but I'm just really excited that other people can see it even though I know I never will... I also don't really have anywhere else to say this because I'm supposed to be ~in recovery~ for this too, not just drugs, and there's someone who knows on all my other social media, so it's hard to be back on my bullshit...

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Roommates & Keeping the Kitchen Clean
/u/TouchedDistortion
Created: Fri Jun 15 14:55:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8reavs/roommates_keeping_the_kitchen_clean/
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TLDR; my roommates haven't been cleaning up and I found a shit ton of maggots in our tiny kitchen yesterday morning. So I won't really be eating for a bit (until I know the maggots are actually gone).

This is a long one, sorry in advance I just needed to rant, idk if this is the place for it but whatever.

I went to visit my boyfriend for about a week (went to his last Tuesday, came back Wed night and left to go back Thursday morning). I got back officially on Tuesday morning at around 8am, and the kitchen was a complete mess, like I couldn't fill up my water bottle in the sink it was so full, and there were dirty dishes and food all over the tiny counter space we have to prepare foods. I messaged my roommates and told them we need to start cleaning the kitchen properly and regularly (I said "we" to avoid conflict even though I know none of the mess is mine, ALSO we have already talked about this multiple times and I have normally been the one to bring it up), I told them I couldn't even make coffee or breakfast (I had no intention of actually making breakfast, just said it for effect) before class bc of the state of the kitchen. They apologized and cleaned up a bit. By Wednesday night the kitchen was pretty much in the same state that I found it in on Tuesday. I woke up Thursday morning for class and was going about my morning routing when I noticed a maggot. I noticed one, then I noticed two and then before I knew it I had picked up and disposed of OVER 60 maggots. I am seething. I talked to them today and they agreed we need to step up our game but I'm still not comfortable eating in there or making food. Silver lining of this whole situation is that fasting comes easy after you've spent an hour picking up and throwing out maggots.

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can we do another peach thread or are y’all sick of them 🍑
/u/fairshine
Created: Fri Jun 15 14:38:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8re6hn/can_we_do_another_peach_thread_or_are_yall_sick/
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i’m fairshine on peach, if y’all have it too drop your @s below! 💖

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How to cure a headache without breaking a fast?
/u/wes117
Created: Fri Jun 15 14:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8re1p8/how_to_cure_a_headache_without_breaking_a_fast/
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I'm pretty sure it's a hunger headache as I am on hour 21 of a fast, is there anything I can do for it that won't break my fast? I'm too scared to eat today so please no "just eat"

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[Rant/Rave] Serious breakthrough in recovery after MDMA trip
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Fri Jun 15 13:50:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rdt9w/serious_breakthrough_in_recovery_after_mdma_trip/
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I bombed mdma last night. Felt super comfortable, but not "love everyone love humanity" gushy gushy. It was not a strong euphoria, but my entire body just felt soft and warm and comfortable (like heroin, but better) and I definitely had a head trip. I worked through a lot of anxiety about my future and responsibilities. At certain points I was reflecting on my body image and obsession with food and I kept coming back to genuinely wanting to be happy and healthy. I was finally able to just sit there and feel like I don't have to change. Why should I care anyways? No one else does and there's so much food and laughter and enjoyment I'm torturing myself by missing out on. I was literally feeling the pudge on my stomach and thinking "this is soft this is nice and this is normal and healthy".

I don't feel detatched from my body anymore. I have a deep appreciation for it, it feels like part of me for the first time in a long time. I feel thankful for not having physical ailments and for my legs to carry me and my hands to let me draw and paint. Idk this is cheesy as fuck but I honestly think this is the year that I get better.

I still don't want to gain weight, but I don't have the self hatred that I went into it with. I really hope this lasts. Prob going to delete later.

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Sometimes my bff says things that destroy me and make me feel like my ED isn’t real.
/u/Soggy_Ramen
Created: Fri Jun 15 13:48:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rdszj/rant_sometimes_my_bff_says_things_that_destroy_me/
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So my absolute best friend, who apologizes sometimes for saying things that aren’t even offensive or hurtful, and who goes out of her way to show me she cares, sometimes says things that knock me down so low.

She knows about my ED. But for instance yesterday when I told her how much I was working out she said that’s a good thing, it’s focusing on my health and I should be happy that I’m working out roughly 4 days a week. In her defence I’ve recently gone through a really awful thing in my life and am finally getting back on my feet, but she knows I have an eating disorder.

One of my recovered friends tends to throw her new recovered body in people faces and brags about how big her breasts have gotten, my breasts are naturally enormous regardless of my weight so I said I wish I wasn’t so nervous when it comes to talking about my body because I would throw mine in her face, my best friend said “you know what she would say though, ‘yeah but you’re fatter than me’”.

As awful as this makes me feel, and as awful as this may all sound, I know she doesn’t mean for this to hurt me as much as it does. I know if I told her how it made me feel, she would feel awful and apologize and I know she would feel like an ass. I just don’t know how to approach this.

I came out to two of my friends and my husband a few months ago. My husband doesn’t understand and I think he figures no one is happy with their body so what I’m going through is normal and once I lose some of the weight I gained when I recovered I’ll feel better. I don’t think my best friend has any experience with all of this but when she ignores me admitting my exercise routine has gotten a bit concerning and she just dismisses it, it makes me feel like no one is going to care until I hit a dangerously low weight. Naturally this all is used as fuel, but it would be nice to feel like someone cares.

My other friend I came out to also has an ED. Sometimes we talk about it, but right now he isn’t doing so great so I don’t want to throw my issues on him.

Why do I even care if people are concerned. Isn’t that the last thing I need? I’m not trying to lose weight to make other people care, I’m trying to lose weight because *I* care. My body bothers ME. This should be about me and about how I feel.

Sorry for the wall of text.

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[Rant/Rave] can people just mind their own fuckin business please [rant]
/u/fairshine
Created: Fri Jun 15 13:40:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rdquq/can_people_just_mind_their_own_fuckin_business/
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so i’ve been having a WICKED good week so far, under 500cal every day, and i decided to treat myself and eat out, which i never ever ever do.

i head into my local fast food mexican joint and grab a veggie burrito bowl, no rice because fuck rice, gimme all the veggies.

and as the lady behind the counter goes to load me up with rice i stop her and say “oh no, no rice please thank you!” and y’all she looked like i just spat in her face. she starts going on and on about “why don’t you want rice, it’s so good, and so good for you, just a little won’t hurt, i won’t even charge you for it”

like. bih. if i wanted rice i would’ve asked for it. i don’t want rice. please give me my sad vegetable bowl and let me gtfo here.

has anything like this ever happened to y’all?

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[Other] I've eaten like shit the past couple days, please someone help me get back into a more restrictive mindset
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Fri Jun 15 13:05:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rdhm4/ive_eaten_like_shit_the_past_couple_days_please/
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If I gain anymore weight I will be so sad. I was feeling proud of myself and I'm sabotaging it. Help!

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[Discussion] Does anyone else whose weight fluctuates a lot gain and lose from certain body parts in different order?
/u/LateAsparagus
Created: Fri Jun 15 13:03:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rdhbg/does_anyone_else_whose_weight_fluctuates_a_lot/
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I've read that title like 10 times and I feel like it makes no sense but I've had a mentally exhausting day and it's too late and i'm too tired to speak English so it's tje best I can do


I'm 99% sure I lose from thighs and arms first, and logically thinking when I gain weight the fat should first go to my thighs and arms but no? It goes to my waist. I know right after a binge at least part of it is bloat but I have all my long-term measurements and at the moment my waist is almost 3cm larger than it was the last time my thighs were the size they are now. Anyway, [here's actual footage of me trying to make sense of my measurements](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/022/524/tumblr_o16n2kBlpX1ta3qyvo1_1280.jpg)

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Update: Was Able To Handle My Cheat Day In Louisiana!
/u/StabbedAgainAndAgain
Created: Fri Jun 15 12:59:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rdfzi/update_was_able_to_handle_my_cheat_day_in/
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I survived! I managed to enjoy a seafood platter without feeling the urge to immediately down a bottle of magnesium citrate and a kombucha with water pills after the fact(something I usually do after a binge) and after that day I've stuck to semi healthy eating habits. I did have another cheat day during my birthday(made it to age 23 as of June 10th) when I had some lemon cake and a Bahama Mama. After my birthday however I started restricting more and am going to be started a fast tomorrow starting at midnight, the only thing I'll be ingesting will be water, unsweetened tea and the occasional Ice Breaker mint but only two a day. I've even made some changes to my exercise regimen and I'm loving the results. I feel so proud of myself although I do feel a tinge of doubt at times when I want to eat less than healthy foods or even healthy foods. I've never really had this happen before but right now the thought of eating anything at all has me worried about gaining a lot of weight immediately afterwards(which is highly irrational I know). Any advice on how to get past the latter?

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Does anyone have swim suit suggestions?
/u/claireupvotes
Created: Fri Jun 15 12:33:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rd8yf/does_anyone_have_swim_suit_suggestions/
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In my efforts to maintain a low weight, I don't have any curves lol. I also have an awful tanline on my butt from wearing modest bottoms (I get all mine from Target) and want more of those thong bottoms. But more importantly I'm not good at picking tops that are flattering so I was wondering if any of you had suggestions. And if any of you are a rep or Ambassador for a company, I'd be happy to use your discount so you get Commission!

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Have you experienced weight gain on vacation?
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Fri Jun 15 12:28:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rd7je/have_you_experienced_weight_gain_on_vacation/
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I’m about to go on vacation with a friend for a week (she’s unaware of my ED) and have recently just reached my lw. I’m scared that I’m going to gain a lot back because we will be eating out and I will be unable to avoid food for the most part as she eats regularly and normally. I suppose i could tell her about it, but I’m sure it’ll be pretty obvious as we will be together 24/7 for a week straight. Id rather she didn’t know but it might be worth it so that I can continue to engage in ED behavior and prevent weight gain. I will be without a scale and without my safe foods as well. The last time I saw her last year I weighed 30 pounds more. How have you coped with being on vacation and the fear of ruining progress? I’m really nervous

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[Help] I’m starting a liquid diet today!
/u/twelvefeeetdeep
Created: Fri Jun 15 12:13:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rd3fv/im_starting_a_liquid_diet_today/
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After binging alll week I’m ready to get back to it. I haven’t had anything but water so far today but I plan on going to wegmans later for some juices and teas c: any suggestions on what I should pick up and how to avoid temptations?!

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Threw up blood
/u/sabadr
Created: Fri Jun 15 11:56:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rcyuc/threw_up_blood/
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It was bright red and quite a lot

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Gained 4 lbs while visiting family :(
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Fri Jun 15 11:41:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rcue9/gained_4_lbs_while_visiting_family/
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They're always making food for me to eat and I feel guilty if I let it go to waste. I just want to go home where I can restrict in peace :(

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[Rant/Rave] [Rant] - I don’t even feel human anymore.
/u/Goodmorningfatty
Created: Fri Jun 15 11:38:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rctok/rant_i_dont_even_feel_human_anymore/
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I’m not even a person right now.. it’s like my personality is in here somewhere but it’s shoved way back into the recesses of my periphery.

—-

There is so much that is taking precedence over “me”.. and I just keep shoving it back.. waiting for an opportunity or the right moment to let it out.. but that moment never comes. There is always another reason to suppress myself.

—-Reasons not to be human—-

-I’m waiting for the perfect body. I can’t let myself out. I’m the enemy. If left to my own devices I’ll eat all the “bad” food and it will be a long slow suicide Via gluttony. It’s almost a religious experience. It’s some sort of expression of piety. Being clean.

-I’m basically a body that goes on auto pilot to get through the day at work. I have three part time jobs... and I always say yes if there is an extra shift because we are saving money for a big project.

- I’m an introvert. I have to suppress that part of me. No one will accommodate that at any of my jobs. All I want to do all day is write, draw, paint, sculpt.. all by myself. But being by yourself in your head, doing goddamned crafts, doesn’t pay the bills.

-I’m massively depressed and have been my whole life. My existance is putting on a meat suit everyday that looks like a clown. I’m taking SAM E to help keep that unpleasant part tucked away. No one wants to be around a Debbie downer and I need these jobs. I must keep suppressing myself, I need this money. I have goals, and depression only gets in the way.

-Massive anxiety. It takes over everything in my life. It’s totally uncontrollable if I’m not taking SAM E, supplements, working out, and eating healthily. It’s not logical in any way. It simply exists and I spend huge amounts of effort not acting in it constantly.

—-

With all the managing of my various issues it’s like “I” don’t even exist. All I have is this giant construct that acts as a shield so I can function. I’ve been doing it for so long I don’t know where it stops and I start.. or do I simply not exist anymore?

—

I’m not my ED, I’m not my Job, I’m not my depression, I’m not my Anxiety.. what’s left? Introvertsion? Is that seriously all I am?

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[Help] Hungryyyyyy
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Fri Jun 15 10:54:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rchaf/hungryyyyyy/
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So I've been eating pretty shitty lately and I'm really hungry right now but I'm here drinking a Coke Zero cause I feel like shit for even eating. Anyone know recipes that are low in calories but filling?

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[Rant/Rave] Tifu :(
/u/Rach_McAwesome
Created: Fri Jun 15 10:44:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rcemg/tifu/
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I ate a huge lunch (800cal omad, but I was only supposed to have 500, tend to overeat when alone) with the intention of going to a kickboxing class, then having a few drinks and NOT drunkenly binge for once. Felt too ill to go to class, and now I’m worried drunk me will eat more. After class, I feel so good that it actually makes me not want to eat at all, but now I’m sat here feeling sick, bloated, but craving a chocolate bar. Dreading the weekend ahead, I know I’m going to undo all of my hard work this week(just got a bit of a thigh gap back, but I know it will be gone by Monday). So yeah, all hopes of a calorie deficit today are already out the window. I’m so angry at myself, I do this kind of thing and then wonder why I can’t shift any weight.

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[Discussion] DAE obsess over other numbers unrelated to their ED
/u/ngs644
Created: Fri Jun 15 10:02:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rc2rr/dae_obsess_over_other_numbers_unrelated_to_their/
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Pretty much the title.

To elaborate, I'm tracking calories 99% of the time, even when not restricting. During the times I'm most focused, I get obsessive over other numbers/values, too:

How much $$ I'm saving/spending/putting towards debt. Lately I've been putting every penny in debt and leaving almost nothing to pay bills, rent, groceries (hah).

How many minutes I've spent sleeping, how many mg caffeine, how many cigarettes, minutes on my phone, minutes/week of work, hours spent studying, minutes spent procrastinating and worrying...

It's a mindfuck. Anyone else?

---

Temp weight gain is lasting too long
/u/itsoobak
Created: Fri Jun 15 09:52:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rc035/temp_weight_gain_is_lasting_too_long/
---
So I’ve been lurking here for around 6 months and decided to create an account just for this question... I’m currently in uni and during the last year I binge ate so much I ballooned up 20 lbs (I’m still so angry at myself) so in an effort to negate that in the past month I’ve lost 15 lbs by cutting calories (at first I cut to 1200, then I got really addicted to counting and have been limiting around an average of 500-600, with a few days here and there of around 800). My weight was consistently going down and I was so happy because I am studying abroad next semester and wanted to get down to 110 by then. In May I was 140 lbs, and three days ago had gotten down to 124.4, and if I look at previous weigh ins theres a nice downward trend—even if I had gained 2-3 lbs every other day, it would go back down around 4 or 5 to compensate the next day. However two days ago my weight jumped up to 129, and I freaked out but logically knew that because I’ve been eating under ..what’s recommended, the weight would come off again. However I weighed myself this morning and I’m the exact same weight!! Why is this happening? :( I’m so discouraged and I’m still restricting calories but damn if it isn’t the most annoying and discouraging thing ...

---

[Rant/Rave] Half of my clothes are destroyed. (Maybe more)
/u/myowneviltwin
Created: Fri Jun 15 09:34:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rbv20/half_of_my_clothes_are_destroyed_maybe_more/
---
DAE have several sets of clothes depending on what size you are or what season it is?


I pulled out two large boxes of clothes from storage to find that they’d been infested with mice. Holes were chewed through the fabric. Not to mention the little claw marks where they climbed the hanging clothes. And so much poop.


Just buy new clothes, right? Too expensive? Thrift that shit!


Well, I hate trying on clothes. I hate the feeling of not being able to pull pants up all the way. I hate feeling like the salesperson is judging the sizes I’m taking into the dressing room. (I know that they aren’t. I know I’m practically invisible to them.) I hate the dressing room mirror.


I hate ordering online because of how often I have to return clothes because they don’t fit. I don’t even know what I want to wear. Even if money was no object, I don’t know what I’d buy. I work from home, so I don’t need nice clothes for my job anymore, but it was still heartbreaking to see my business clothes destroyed.


So now, clothing has become a major stumbling block to getting out of the house.

---

[Rant/Rave] Thank you
/u/professorsheepkitty
Created: Fri Jun 15 09:21:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rbrbb/thank_you/
---
I’m really grateful for this community. I don’t feel quite so...lonely. Even though you’re all basically strangers, I feel really supported and fearless of judgement. I appreciate you all and hope you are having an okay day/night.

---

[Help] Advice for comments at work?
/u/coconutfi
Created: Fri Jun 15 08:36:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rbf28/advice_for_comments_at_work/
---
I started a job 3 weeks ago and became friends with my supervisor pretty quickly. I don't know if he's trying to bond by commenting on my hair and clothes, but it's getting annoying. The one thing that's really annoying is he keeps saying "you're too skinny" "you need to eat some carbs.. Or something!" Etc. etc.

Well all those comments made me think I was skinnier than I was (and uncomfortable) so I was more lenient on what I ate. Saw a picture of myself the other day and holy shit I let myself go. I would guess I'm around 135 lbs as of the day I saw that picture.

I'm ready to drop weight fast, but I swear if I have to deal with this guys comments all the time... It just makes me so uncomfortable and makes me want to eat more so he'll shut up.

How do I tell him to stop without telling him to stop? I want to tell him it's some medical condition or something, but I don't want it to sound too serious. I don't want to make him feel too bad about the comments, but enough to make him stop.

---

Never thought I would say this but
/u/scrambledthoughts91
Created: Fri Jun 15 08:35:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rbeqv/never_thought_i_would_say_this_but/
---
After years of weight fluctuating, anorexia , bulimia and BED I'm finally at a weight where I am skinny but not so skinny that i had to shop in the junior section BUT I have found that now I find it easier to lose weight than to gain.

No amount of holiday binging or alcohol is making me gain weight. I'm not actively trying to gain weight but my fiance keeps complaining about how i am neglecting my health, i look pale and we are planning to get married this year & I don't want to look back at wedding pictures and see my collar bones sticking out like they are right now. So gaining 10 lbs will not hurt but I am i broken? Have I damaged my body so bad that I am unable to gain weight?

If i eat food that is high in fat like cheese, it goes right through me & gives me cramps. Carbs just bloat me and give me a lot of wind so I cant eat too many of those.

---

I hit my UGW and had my dream cheat day yesterday
/u/almightylurker
Created: Fri Jun 15 08:27:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rbcq1/i_hit_my_ugw_and_had_my_dream_cheat_day_yesterday/
---
5,500 calories consumed of every single food item I deemed acceptable to put in my mouth which was like 3,000 cals in sweets but fuck it guys, I deserved it. I have put my body and my mental through hell and back just to get this point, I should be allowed to stuff myself with everything I denied myself over the years. The odd thing, even though it was a planned "binge day", it hardly felt like I was binging. I just looked at something, thought it would taste good, so I ate it. I had to fall asleep curled up in a ball because of how full I was but I slept a solid 10 hours for the first time in a long time. I woke up sweaty and kind of achy but I'm not even close to as bloated as I thought I was going to be and I'm still not hungry yet.


For those of you who care I'm gonna list off all of what I ate.

Breakfast:

* Dunkin medium coffee with hazelnut shot, almond milk, and 2 splenda- 35 calories

* Dunkin egg white veggie and cheese english muffin- 310 calories

* Donuts from a local place including a chocolate chip donut, powdered blueberry filled, apple fritter, and cinnamon roll- ~1700 calories


Dinner:

* Two chicken tacos on corn tortillas with queso blanco, pickled onions, cilantro, lime, guacamole sauce, and chips and salsa from local place- ~1300 calories maybe I'm not very good at estimating food lol

Snacks in between both of of those meals in no specific order:

* Kit-Kat bar- 210 calories

* Hershey's Gold bar- 220 calories

* Halo Top caramel macchiato, one pint- 280 calories

* 2 slices of white bread and 1 tablespoon of grape jelly- 180 calories

* Kind vanilla blueberry granola bar- 140 calories

* 3 servings of Honey Bunches of Oats (so good btw but so calorie dense reee) with almond milk- 540 calories

* 4 servings of Lay's baked cheddar and sour cream chips- 480 calories

* 3 Werther's hard caramels- 70 calories

From this point I'm going to high restrict for the next 2 weeks to make sure that I can stay in check and then work on finding my maintenance. I'm gonna do a weekly cheat day of where I'm allowed to have a mini binge and eat what I've been craving throughout the week, then go back to eating normal or about 200 under my TDEE so I don't gain in the long run.

Around 3 years ago when I picked my UGW, it seemed literally impossible. I never once thought that I would actually get here. I have a defined jaw, collarbones, 25 inch waist, thigh gap, all things I ever dreamed of having. I'm not happy with my body still but I'm not going to let this disorder tell me losing more weight is going to fix that. I'm going to start looking for a good therapist because I know that I can't do this alone, as much as I would like to think I can. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm bragging but I think that in this case, just for once, it's a tiny bit justified.

I love you all so much, you've been by my side the entire time even if we've never once spoken. I'm still gonna stick around and lurk but I'm hoping I never have a reason to post again. Lots of love <3

---

How am I gaining on 300-500 cal a day
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Fri Jun 15 08:20:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rbanl/how_am_i_gaining_on_300500_cal_a_day/
---
So I’ve been restricting pretty hard, hit my lw yesterday of 120. Tried to go without eating until dinner yesterday but felt really faint at work so I ate my omad (330 cal) early around 3 after eating half a granola bar (50 cal) on the shift. No more calories until I go to bed and eat a lil less than a pound of watermelon (120). Woke up, took a shit, something I haven’t done for like 5 days and I weight 123 pounds. What the eff? I feel like I’m on the verge of having chest pains/heart palpitations again so I need to higher restrict today which sucks because I really don’t want to be over 120 anymore. I ate the same exact things on Wednesday and lost, how is it that I gained last night?

---

[Rant/Rave] The best thing he could have said
/u/Wigforfire
Created: Fri Jun 15 08:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rb7wi/the_best_thing_he_could_have_said/
---
"I fell in love with you for you... I don't know how to say it... your sense of humor? But it's more about how you can be \*snarky\* and joking."

"I feel like I'm not like that anymore."

"You are. And If I didn't love you I wouldn't be here; I love you for more than what you look like. Of course I had seen you around and checked you out but the day we actually met when I was trying to go home and you just flat out denied that option because you wanted me to help you, I love that. I love when you wear big sweatpants and put your arms down them to your shoulders and run around the house; I love how you create crazy plans to run away with me in case we make a minuscule mistake. I love you. You're not alone"

And I smiled. After hours of crying and anxiety attacks about feeling alone I smiled. Even though I may not be able to see it for myself all the time there is so much more to me than my weight and what I look like. The people I care about and the people that care about me see more to me than just an exterior whereas all I see is the shell. I am so grateful to have this man in my life and to have someone that will continue to love me despite the fact that I feel that I am too dysfunctional to deserve any type of love. And one of my biggest fears is that through this whole ED I have lost myself, but having him tell me that I'm the same girl he fell for 3 years ago was the happiest I have been in a long time

---

GOOOAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!
/u/xerox13ster
Created: Fri Jun 15 07:47:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rb275/goooaaaallllllll/
---
Ole ole ole ole oooleeee oooleeee!

I did it, I did it, I did it!. For the first time in 4 years I have broken the 270 barrier! It's only by a half pound, but I set a goal, stuck to it and accomplished it! I feel so great!

It feels like now that I've broken this obstacle, my weight loss will be unstoppable.

AHHHHH

Ok. Next goal, 250! I've been averaging 10lbs a month so I should hit this by mid-august. gah I'm just so ecstatic, this was starting to feel like a pipe dream.

---

[Help] (Re)introduction and a request for help
/u/siberg
Created: Fri Jun 15 07:28:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8raxwa/reintroduction_and_a_request_for_help/
---
Hi all, I've been lurking and posting here sporadically for a few years. My ED tends to ebb and flow in response to whatever's going on in my life. I've had problems with my mental health besides the ED recently and that triggered my ED again. For the past few weeks I've been restricting and this week I started to do a 20:4 fast (I'm pretty sure I was basically doing this before but I started to track it this week). Now, in the past I've been fine restricting and fasting with lots of water and caffeine. This time, though, my limbs feel like they're made of lead and I have the worst fatigue. It doesn't matter how much caffeine I drink, I'm still exhausted all of the time. My anxiety also has been much more persistent.

I had a pretty extensive blood panel done in December, along with an EKG. Unfortunately, going to the doctor and getting more tests done isn't an option for me right now.

I'm not anywhere near underweight (around 130 at 5'4). I take a multivitamin with iron in it every day, along with a magnesium supplement (plus all my meds). I sleep from anywhere to 6 to 9 hours a night and I'm moderately active.

I know the "right" answer is to eat more or eat more frequently. But I can't give this up right now. I just need to be able to function and not feel like a giant ball of crap all the time. Has anyone had a similar experience or have any tips to help me get over this?

---

Ignorant people
/u/LizE4
Created: Fri Jun 15 07:19:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ravtu/ignorant_people/
---
Pisses me off to no end when people who KNOW I have an ED say dumb things that trigger me.

Was talking with my other friend the other day about how I wish I was skinny and he just said “it’s okay... thick thighs save lives, you know.” Yeah well maybe I don’t WANT thick thighs! Because now you’ve made me feel like my thighs are huge and fat. Thanks.

And yesterday I was having a mini freakout because I was eating out and trying to convince myself that the 2000+ calorie lunch was okay because I rarely ate that much. And a different friend just laughed and said maybe I should not eat the lunch and try exercising some self-control so that I didn’t get fat.

Thanks dude. Maybe if you hadn’t made that comment I wouldn’t be feeling like passing out right now because I’ve been fasting for 24 hours.

How do people not realise that these things are triggering????

---

just booked flights to beach destinations in august and october...
/u/psychardelic
Created: Fri Jun 15 07:06:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rasss/just_booked_flights_to_beach_destinations_in/
---
....and i’m fucking freaking out. i am **no where** near my gw and my body is **no fucking where** near being bikini ready. i guess it’s time to start fasting seriously 😬🤐

also, anyone has any design recommendations for swim suits for people with small tits?! literally every model for swim suits ive seen online have big tits :(

---

[Tip] FACT: No one is immune to bad lighting or unsuspected front-facing cameras.
/u/slaywacher
Created: Fri Jun 15 06:55:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8raq3a/fact_no_one_is_immune_to_bad_lighting_or/
---
https://i.redd.it/ekt7xj0ow5411.jpg

---

"Shape up or ship out" [rant] [long]
/u/venetianrosequartz
Created: Fri Jun 15 06:45:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8rany3/shape_up_or_ship_out_rant_long/
---
This is only vaguely ED related so bear with me. I just can't vent anywhere else and I really need to :(

So my boyfriend and I have been having issues lately. We've been together for about a year and a half and living together a little less than a year.

When we first met, I was strong. I had a stable part-time job, doing very well in community college, outgoing, makeup every day, and I was thin. My flair says my LW was 130- this is when I was. (Not healthily, of course, as I ate less than 500 cals a day, but I was thin.)

We were inseparable, instantly in that summer teenage love. So I moved in with him when he moved out of his parents. But I started to spiral. I left my stable job because of anxiety, got another one, got fired because I didn't show up. Started failing classes, I had to drop 3/5 and I only passed the 1/2 that remained. I had a million goals and motivations, they all withered away.

Depression overtook me. I was depression. I was fired from another job. By now I was already binge eating, but doubly so now. I dropped out of college. I could barely look at myself in the mirror. Since I was a whale, no more makeup and cute outfits.

Another job, another firing. I can't leave the house. Agoraphobia is strangling me. I'm 100 pounds over where I started, very obese. Everything is messy and in shambles, including my relationship.

This brings you up to now.

He sat me down. He looked me in the eyes. And he said, "You don't care about me anymore. You claim you do, but you don't even do simple things for me I know you can do."

"You have been unemployed for three months. You never leave the apartment. You eat all day, and you don't pick up after yourself. You used to be so strong and smart."

"(name), I've been asking you to just house keep while I support us. You don't even have to make it sparkle, just not be a pigsty. I work full time. I go to school full time. You sit on the couch and do nothing full time."

"If you really care about me, about this relationship, I need you to start acting like it. I want you to pick up. I want you to start doing the things you said you would. If you want this relationship, I need you to try."

So that's how the conversation went??? I'm not angry. Everything he said is true I'm just upset that it is true. He even straight up used the line "I'm not mad, just disappointed."

I'm such a lazy and terrible person I don't even know where to begin or what to do....

He also asked me to stop getting so much fast food and junk food. God I get fast food like 3-4 times a week it's terrible. We can't afford that but I keep doing it. And if I was upset I used to stop eating. But no. Goddam whale. I just baked a cake, ate half, ate 3 bowls of mac n cheese. I ordered a pizza too. I disgust myself.

I'm not sure how to end this post. I wanted to vent about it and I don't have any friends anymore so I can't talk to them :(
I just want to wither up and disappear. I'm so upset from how I've hurt him...

---

[Discussion] Has anyone tried drinking a lot of water while starving yourself so it doesn't feel like it?
/u/Fox_Trot_above_me
Created: Fri Jun 15 06:37:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ram80/has_anyone_tried_drinking_a_lot_of_water_while/
---
I've been thinking about trying it.

---

[Discussion] Any fellow night shifters got advice on when to weigh myself?
/u/stnicholasrose
Created: Fri Jun 15 06:13:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ragvu/any_fellow_night_shifters_got_advice_on_when_to/
---
Hi.
I normally weigh myself first thing in the morning, naked, and hopefully after using the toilet if I’m able to.
I do night shifts about once every 6 weeks, and tonight I’ve got my first set since I started weighing myself daily.
It’s currently 1pm here, I’ve just woken up.

Option 1: In my head it’s ‘the morning’, I haven’t eaten or drank anything yet today. So I weigh myself now.
Option 2: Wait until after my night shift, when it’s around the normal time I would weigh myself, for consistency. But then I’ll have had some food overnight.

Obviously the goal here is to see the smallest number possible.

Anybody else who does night shifts have any opinions on what works better for them?

Thanks.

---

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! June 15, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 15 06:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ragq5/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_june/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for June 15, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 15, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 15 06:12:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ragp5/daily_food_diary_june_15_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 15, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Help] I am so TIRED of thinking about food!!
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Fri Jun 15 05:24:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ra71h/i_am_so_tired_of_thinking_about_food/
---
For the past few days the obsession has gotten worse for no freaking reason. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I am so ready to just give up trying. It's all I can plan or think about and I can't stop it. I don't even have a "real" disorder - I just have extremely obsessive food thoughts :( It's like I think up a healthy, low but sufficient calorie plan, then my brain asks "are you sure?" 10000 times over until I want to change it then I change it every few hours. Sos!!

---

[Help] Need hemp working out daily calorie deficit!!
/u/losemore
Created: Fri Jun 15 04:43:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r9zfh/need_hemp_working_out_daily_calorie_deficit/
---
Okay so I’m averaging daily around 200 daily based on the past months intake. My BMR is approx 1600 and I burn around 350 calories a day from exercising.
Can anybody please tell me what calorie deficit is? I’m drunk and having some trouble

---

Scared of getting gallstones?
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Fri Jun 15 04:26:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r9wjs/scared_of_getting_gallstones/
---
First, I'm a hypochondriac. I get paranoid about things.

I am currently doing a vegan keto diet (I've been vegan for a while so that's not for a "diet" really) and eating OMAD (one meal a day) of 800 calories. I eat around 80g of fat a day and 50g of protein if that matters.

It has been going pretty well and doesn't compare to the extreme hunger/fainting/binging I felt when I was doing non-keto vegan restriction

I recently discovered the risk of gallstones though with both rapid weight loss and keto. I'm super afraid now because something is finally going right for once and I haven't binged in almost a month.

I am making sure I don't lose "rapidly". I'm aiming for 2lbs a week which is pretty normal.

I've never had any gallbladder issues and it doesn't run in the family.

I'm so nervous that I'm contemplating quitting keto:/ and upping my calories.. Almost. My paranoia sometimes almost wins over my ed.

I have no one to talk to about this accept on here. Can anyone offer any advice? Thank you

---

Sigh
/u/rapidash14
Created: Fri Jun 15 04:23:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r9w20/sigh/
---
Me: starves for five days

Me: spends every mental energy on not binging

Me: has an irregular sleep cycle in order to sleep through the day and avoid binges

Me: binges on 10000 cals of fast food

Me: why am I so tired all the time

---

[Rant/Rave] I may not be the skinniest but..
/u/gusdappertons
Created: Fri Jun 15 04:20:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r9vm4/i_may_not_be_the_skinniest_but/
---
My brother is the same weight as me. My 9 year old, 4”10 brother is the same fucking weight as
me. I’m currently feeling like shit because it’s Eid(I’m personally not Muslim but I’m surrounded by a bunch of Muslim ppl & we have family friends) and I’ve eaten SO MUCH today and had no opportunity to purge it. But,, today I found out that I’m the same weight as my either and it made me feel better for a little while.

---

[Help] Feeling nauseous at night
/u/charlottelxo7
Created: Fri Jun 15 03:29:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r9n1x/feeling_nauseous_at_night/
---
Hi everyone,
Lately I’ve been getting really nauseous around the same time each night and I have no clue whether it’s linked to my ED or not. It seems more likely as it’s only started happening since I’ve been restricting my intake lower.
I’m going to see my doctor today and I’m not sure whether I should mention my food intake or not and I’m just looking for some advice or reassurance.
Does anyone else experience this and how did you get it to stop?
Also I’m worried about if they want to do a blood test in case that shows anything related to my ED.

Thanks for listening and for any advice!

---

[Rant/Rave] Can’t open up
/u/cankle_skank
Created: Fri Jun 15 02:43:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r9fsn/cant_open_up/
---
I wish I could just be completely and shamelessly open with even one person in my life. But I can’t. I’m just so emotionally exhausted and isolated all the time.

---

[Help] WHAT DO I DO!
/u/wild-ocean
Created: Fri Jun 15 02:06:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r9a93/what_do_i_do/
---
I’m trying to break my binge cycle and to stop binging all together! Can anyone help me??!!

---

My boyfriends eating habits are somewhat triggering to me
/u/Thekillersofficial
Created: Fri Jun 15 01:43:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r96mz/my_boyfriends_eating_habits_are_somewhat/
---
Hes one of those people who eats when hes hungry, stops when hes full and doesn't think about food all the time, and is pretty fit looking. I think this has led me to believe that he is the epitome of health and that I should eat when he does if i want to be successful. He doesnt even eat all that often. If hes around and he doesnt want to eat it makes it hard for me to want to eat either. Its discouraging hecause I hate eating if he
Isn't. And when we make decisions about eating, i can get pretty moody with him because of my disordered thinking making me feel stressed. Its not fair to him and I don't know what to do

---

[Rant/Rave] Grief and weight gain
/u/tzt-t
Created: Fri Jun 15 01:43:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r96k9/grief_and_weight_gain/
---
This is my first post here. I've been lurking for a while and you all are so supportive and understanding so I figured I'd post about what's going on and hopefully someone might have some comforting words. Please excuse the length, it's a hard time...

June is an awful month for me. Today (the 15th) is the first anniversary of the passing of my dog, who meant the absolute world to me. It's been rough.

At the beginning of the month, I went camping with my girlfriend. I'd been heavily restricting/fasting up until then, and when we were up at her trailer, I experienced what I think were the symptoms of low potassium (constant puking, tingling/kind of paralysis, weakness, near-fainting) so I was forced to eat or face her calling an ambulance. I also started drinking SO much water. We got back home after 3 days, and I weighed myself. Big mistake. I went from 104lbs to 110lbs. I know much of it was probably water weight (because 6lbs in 3 days?) but that weight has stayed on, and actually only gone up. I was nearly 112lbs a couple days ago...

I just want to know... WTF?? As I mentioned, my dog passed away a year ago. As much as it pains me to admit, I apparently eat when I'm grieving (this happened last year), but I'm nearly positive I've stayed under 1000 calories every day! At MOST I eat 1200 a day but I've been too sad to be accurate with my counting, so maybe I'm actually eating a LOT more? I want to stop because I hate myself SO MUCH every time i eat but I'm real freaking sad right now and I don't know what else to do. My fitbit says I burn around 2100 (most days more but that's the bare minimum) and I exercise somewhat intensely every day. But my body looks AWFUL. My stomach has been distended for the past week; I look extremely pregnant! Like tbh if I saw myself as a stranger, I'd think I was expecting! There have been other slight changes, like my thighs are closer together, collar bones are slightly less visible. I don't know how this is happening... I've been drinking way more water than I ever have but how could that be causing this? I'm so upset! I'm just getting bigger and bigger and I want to cry about it, and cry about my dog and everything is awful. I still feel nauseous and weak. Dizzy. But it can't be potassium because I'm eating.... can it? I do use laxatives a lot (awful, i know...) and I haven't been uhm... going as much as I usually do when I use them. But why do I look so BIG? And why do I weigh so much more?!?! like 8lbs in a week? WHAT IS GOING ON?! I'm getting bigger and I don't know how to stop it and I'm about ready to explode (aha).

Thanks for reading I'm going to go scream into a void now.

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[Rant/Rave] Just another post about binging
/u/peanutbutterbananaa
Created: Fri Jun 15 01:19:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r92uu/just_another_post_about_binging/
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-sprayed perfume on rest of bag of Cheetos to avoid binging and threw them in trash

-not even 5 mins later, dug them out of the trash and tried to throw away the apple perfume scented ones

-ended up eating perfume saturated Cheetos anyway

-calorie count ended up being around 2,200 for the day, handful of laxatives were consumed quickly after

wow, 18 year old me is living the life 🙃

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[Discussion] [Discussion] Small ways to cut calories?
/u/pailblusea
Created: Fri Jun 15 00:45:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r8wtw/discussion_small_ways_to_cut_calories/
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This is not a post to fuel ED's first off so I hope I am not breaking rules asking for tips. I just like cutting corners when it comes to eating and getting the most value for my calories, lol. I love gathering tips!!

Some things I do:

1.) Try to cook all my meals so I can weigh everything and get the most accurate calories. I will eat something prepackaged but I still weigh it anyway because package weight is allowed to be off by something like 20%.

2.) Eggs. I only eat Eggland's Best brand lol. They are cheap and even Walmart has them. They are large 50 gram eggs and the same weight as any other "large" eggs but these are 10 calories less than all of them. The others are 70 calories, these are 60. I wondered what was up with this sorcery so I googled it and apparently they say they just treat their chickens better or something so the eggs lay LESS FATTY EGGS SO LESS CALORIES! I eat like 5 eggs at a time so it saves me 50 cal.

3.) FUCK BUTTER AND OIL. It adds no flavor to my food anyway! Lol. I use a nonstick pan and parchment paper for my baking needs, works just fine.

4.) For every meal, load up on the veggies. A pound or more of veggies a day keeps the fat away. The darker green the vegetable, the less calories. Eat all the vegetables before moving onto other parts of the meal.

5.) Freeze chocolate before eating it. It's harder to binge on because it's...hard. I feel like I might break a tooth if I go to town on it.

6.) Plain nonfat yogurt works in place of recipes calling for mayo or sour cream. I add hot sauce or sriracha and tons of spices anyway so to me the mayo/sour cream is a vehicle for taste that yogurt can do just as well. I love almond milk yogurt.

7.) Must drink at least 24 oz of water or something zero calorie before eating, force myself to wait 10-15 minutes and re-evaluate my hunger levels after.

8.) Almond milk is the shit! I got this unsweetened vanilla almond milk...25 calories for 8 ounces. Amazing.

I need more ideas.

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[Discussion] How much protein do you get a day?
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Fri Jun 15 00:27:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r8tsh/how_much_protein_do_you_get_a_day/
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How many grams of protein do you all aim for a day? I find it hard to get enough when I low restrict. For protein today I had 80 g salmon =18 g protein , and 2 tbs of lite cottage cheese, 4 g protein, 2 flat white coffee (trim milk) 6 g protein.
Total 28 g protein
I think I should be aiming for about 50g.

My fear food is yogurt otherwise I’d eat some 😬

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[Discussion] Hahahaha in other news im terrible
/u/autotrapqueen
Created: Thu Jun 14 23:20:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r8hy1/hahahaha_in_other_news_im_terrible/
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So I met back up with some old friends while on break. There was this one girl there, just a friend of a friend I never knew her too well. But all I could think of is how much bigger she was than I remembered her being.
I just tonight realized that i follow her on the gram, and creeped on her profile a bit to see what happened
Turns out she is in recovery from anorexia
I feel absolutely terrible because I am happy she is no longer dealing with an eating disorder but at the same time is scares tf out of me and makes me not want to ever fully recover
Someone make me feel better about feeling like a douche for thinking she was fat, that’s horrible and this ED has honestly made me so much more shallow than I really am at my core 😭

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Does anyone know of a more extensive body stat calculator?
/u/kpatable
Created: Thu Jun 14 23:19:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r8htg/does_anyone_know_of_a_more_extensive_body_stat/
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Like, I want to be able to input as few or many stats as I want and then have the calculator tell me different things about my body, like if I'm healthy or skinny or attractive or above/below/at average, etc. Just as much info as possible.

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[Help] Going on accutane - help !
/u/cloudsofdawn
Created: Thu Jun 14 23:14:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r8gu5/going_on_accutane_help/
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So my dermatologist is putting me on accutane (epuris type) for 6-8 months. I’m told I have to eat it with food usually, although I believe this one absorbs well. It’s still better with high fat food.

I’m freaking the fuck out... I have a ton of weight to lose and I need it gone ASAP and normally I would do water fasts and intermittent fasting and such but now I’m just like ???

I’m thinking of legit just eating it with low cal foods or a spoonful of peanut butter (measured by grams) each time.

*****Have any of you guys been on accutane? How did you manage and what did you do during this time?

I’ve just started losing again and getting my shit together and this is just making me completely lose my shit.

Ps: need to update my flair lmao it’s super outdated but i need to use desktop

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[Tip] Binge tip because I’m drunk
/u/radbitch666
Created: Thu Jun 14 23:10:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r8g17/binge_tip_because_im_drunk/
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So like I’m a lil bit drunk and I figured I’d share some wine drunk wisdom. So giddy up y’all we gon learn a lil tippy tip I shared on here like two years ago (maybe? time is an illusion and nothing is real) But I haven’t seen it since so here I am. Anywho, if you’re a broke bitch like me, whenever you feel a binge coming on I want you to make a list of the shit you would have bought and add up the cost. When you have that cost, take that money and put it in a jar or bank account and next time you hit a goal weight or you just want something nice, boom you got dollars. There ya go it doesn’t always work because we’re human but it’s the thought that counts am I right peeps. This is radbitch666 signing off goodnight stay safe and fuck peanut butter seriously

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[Rant/Rave] Sad Rant
/u/binkybarnes6969420
Created: Thu Jun 14 23:09:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r8fu7/sad_rant/
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I swear I love to make myself feel like garbage. I look at people with anorexia(and bulimia) and I think "i'm a fake". It's not just because i'm fucking fat(I already know that) but I just feel like I am too apathetic to be disordered. I constantly read stories of people who exercise for hours at a time, only eat 300 calories a day, whatever. But I just can't. The most exercise I do is sit ups and squats in front of the mirror, naked and crying. I can barely keep my weekly calorie average under 1000. This is the only thing I think about. I'm falling back into myself and I can't stop. This is the smallest I've ever been since this stupid fucking disorder started and I feel huge. I'm constantly acutely aware of the fat surrounding my body, I jiggle when I walk. I just want to tone up maybe? but i'm so so tired. I just want to sleep all day. I have no more friends, my only one is gone now. I'm all alone in everything. I'm sorry.

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[Discussion] Post binge weight
/u/Dingletringle2
Created: Thu Jun 14 22:58:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r8dpi/post_binge_weight/
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I feel like I've seen people post about similar experiences. How is it that I sometimes don't gain weight after a binge? Even without severe restricting or anything.

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breakdown after a binge?
/u/rosewhip96
Created: Thu Jun 14 22:49:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r8c8j/breakdown_after_a_binge/
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i was doing really well today, only 300 calories till like 7PM. and i just craved chinese takeout so badly. i KNEW i shouldn't have it but i ordered general tsos chicken and avocado ginger fried rice. later, my mom gave me a bread roll. i broke down crying later and i feel disgusting. normally i would purge but my jaw that was broken has been acting up.

i don't know what to do

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can i recover by myself
/u/aicilalavender
Created: Thu Jun 14 22:42:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r8avn/can_i_recover_by_myself/
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Recovery is so incredibly difficult. i’ve been dealing with my ED for nearly 10 years now... i honestly just realized that posting this now wow...
anyway..
I dealt with a lot of trauma growing up and my ED has definitely been something i throw my anxiety into. The past 6 months i’ve finally started getting therapy and going on some meds for my depression and anxiety etc.
but i am having SUCH a hard time with my ED.
i’m wrapped up in so much shame.
i live alone so it’s incredibly easy to hide. i only eat like fast food and junk food and within that only a few things. i want to get better about it and eat more regularly instead of maybe one full meal a day. i used to cook for myself and i was motivated to try new shit but now when i look at my kitchen i want to go in there but i like physically cannot. i feel like cement is in my body.
eating is just a massive inconvenience. everything disgusts me. i get so overwhelmed when i try to go to the store. and i’m so fucking alone.
there’s nobody in my life to actively help me. like as long as i’m able to hide behaviors i’m g o i n g to do it.
i want to fucking kill myself sometimes. a lot.
today i was thinking i could just starve myself to death.
my therapist is amazing but she just doesn’t quite get it. and i’m also so so SO anxious when it comes to talking about food. i’m terrified to go to a nutritionist after this bad a experience i had one time. like i’m so embarrassed. i don’t want to tell people i only eat burgers, tacos, waffles, and yogurt. i’m disgusting. fuck i don’t even deserve to recover. and i’m all alone so i just have to pull myself out of this.
i’ve been trying for 10 years.

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its become so much more worse.
/u/Zefuyne
Created: Thu Jun 14 22:24:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r87ds/its_become_so_much_more_worse/
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can i be honest

im completely alone. i have no friends in real life who i hang out with, i make friends online because my real life self is too disgusting and fat and gross im breaking down. not even internet friends can stay interested for too long. ive had 4000 calories today so far, maybe a couple hundo more i dont fucking know. this is so much for me to handle. ive gotten a new guitar today, i can't enjoy it. i can't. my mom took this half gallon of ice cream out of my hands today she knows i have an issue. i eat when im lonely which is all the time. tomorrow im restricting to <300 calories/day bc i cant do high restriction. this anxiety makes me dizzy im so fucking horrible!! i cant i cant anymore. i just binge and binge i really hate my fucking self i have no one in life. i feel like, even though im so young, i see myself being alone forever with my anorexia and BED to comfort me. why doesnt anyone stay..why do they abandon me...why is food so addicting..fuckfukcfufkccufkcufkfujujuhuyhgh

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[Discussion] Chew and spit method
/u/InfestedInside
Created: Thu Jun 14 22:17:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r8648/chew_and_spit_method/
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Every time I get on the scale, I see it increase, and I don't know why. I barely eat more than one meal a day, and I don't laze around all day. I can't force myself to vomit either (I've tried) so I'm trying the chew and spit method. I used to do it a lot so hopefully it'll help me. If you have done this and maybe want to talk to me about it, I'd appreciate it

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Gaining weight while exercising?
/u/_comethrowawaywithme
Created: Thu Jun 14 21:32:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7x0z/gaining_weight_while_exercising/
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WHY?!

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!?

I HAVE BEEN FASTING INTERMITTENTLY (fasting all day then eating around 200 cals of fat/protein near the end of the day so I can sleep, otherwise I stay up all night) AND BIKING 15 MILES EVERY DAY AND I DID THE SAME THING TODAY AND SOMEHOW GAINED 2 lbs. BUT I'M VERY WELL HYDRATED WHY WOULD I BE GAINING SO MUCH IN WATER I REALLY DOUBT IT's wATEEEEErrrrrr

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[Discussion] Why am I like this
/u/losemore
Created: Thu Jun 14 21:06:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7rmd/why_am_i_like_this/
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I just ate a slice of vegan chocolate mud cake.
My coworker brought it in for me knowing I was vegan and I left it in the fridge for a day, while having an internal battle of whether of not I was going to eat it.
I finally decided “fuck it”. It’s the first thing I’ve eaten in 3 days, and fuck me.. it was *delicious*
But now I’m freaking out at my desk, upset at myself for eating it and upset that I don’t know the calorie count (I’d estimate it to be maybe around 300-400?)

I fucking hate my brain and I hate this stupid ED that can’t even let me enjoy a fucking slice of cake.

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[Other] Age before beauty
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Thu Jun 14 21:04:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7r6x/age_before_beauty/
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https://i.redd.it/tp501ic4z2411.png

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A non-fitbit/cheap fitness tracker that can link to fitbit app or some other phone app?
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Thu Jun 14 21:02:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7qs5/a_nonfitbitcheap_fitness_tracker_that_can_link_to/
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something friendly towards the budget of a broke college student lol

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[Rant/Rave] I feel trapped in my body
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Thu Jun 14 21:01:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7qol/i_feel_trapped_in_my_body/
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I apologize for the long post.
I absolutely hate everything about it from my chin length nappy hair to the ability to bear children to all the fat, I hate it all. I want to escape it. Eating anything gives me anxiety attacks. I’m almost at my goal (111/110) but now I wanna get to 106/107. I want my body to stop functioning so I can finally escape it and look decent. I’m so cognizant of the fat and it makes me wanna kill myself. I ate one meal today, some wings and fries. Couldn’t find the calories and freaked out only to get home and still see I was at 112. But even that is too much. I need to lose more.
My best friend wants me to be hospitalized so does my boyfriend but I’m not ready to gain weight. I’d rather just keep starving. It’s such a tough spot to be in. Everything sucks either way and there seems to be no escape. And it doesnt help that the bipolar and psychosis haven’t improved either. Functioning is just hard. I have no motivation, other than to starve myself.

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[Rant/Rave] I feel soooooooo fat
/u/LnD13313
Created: Thu Jun 14 20:47:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7now/i_feel_soooooooo_fat/
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:( they’re checking my thyroid soon because I’ve been sleeping a lot. I’m really hoping it’s fine because that means I’ll be like my mom and gain a ton of weight.

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Bulimic Relapse
/u/xxmishxx
Created: Thu Jun 14 20:46:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7nf6/bulimic_relapse/
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I was doing so well for about a month, but i felt a relapse coming. I had less control over what I ate this past week, and drunk binged over the weekend.

Got out of control tonight and threw up after another binge. ):

Now I have my ED mind back saying I should fast for the weekend. I hate this so much.

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[Rant/Rave] Absolute Panic
/u/toe-beanz
Created: Thu Jun 14 20:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7max/absolute_panic/
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So I just used the bathroom and went to weigh myself like I do every time I enter my bathroom (compulsive, unnecessary, I know). As I stepped on the scale the scale face said ‘E’ meaning error, which sometimes happens because it’s not that great of a scale, but as I stepped on completely the scale read 300.4..... This was obviously an error, as I have weighed 122.4 consistently for a few days and have never even gotten close to half that weight in my life but it sent me into a complete and total panic.

I’m not sure the point of this post but I was just put in serious distress for a few minutes and had to sit down as to not go into a full breakdown. Time to get a more trustworthy scale... or maybe trust the ‘E’ next time...

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lol I hate my body
/u/deathray65
Created: Thu Jun 14 20:31:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7kcx/lol_i_hate_my_body/
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I'm the same weight that I was pre recovery, yet my thighs are bigger. Like, my thigh measurements are bigger, my leg gap is gone, and my old pants are now tight on me. I mean, I eat at maintenance and I'm not gaining weight, but my thighs are bigger! I just want to die. I just wanted my old thighs back

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Does hair loss occur when you’re underweight or just when you’re restricting?
/u/penguinochu
Created: Thu Jun 14 20:26:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7j5e/does_hair_loss_occur_when_youre_underweight_or/
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I’m really worried, my hair is my only decent feature. Right now I’m overweight but restricting to 500-800 a day, i haven’t had any hair loss but I’m worried I might.

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[Rant/Rave] anybody else in a long distance relationship feel this way? (slight rant)
/u/starvingmutt
Created: Thu Jun 14 20:18:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7hax/anybody_else_in_a_long_distance_relationship_feel/
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anyone else feel like your bf/gf will see you in real life for the first time and just be repulsed?

my bf has seen pictures of me, full body pics too, and he always says i look really attractive/cute. but i keep convincing myself like lol no i bet its just the lighting or the angle making me look somewhat okay there, and once he sees me in real life it's game over.

im seeing him for the first time this week and i really wanna look okay. accidentally binged on pizza tonight :) time to uhhhhh restrict heavily my dudes.

it sucks, i've been doing so good, i've gone from 260 to like 230 in a month and a half-ish (im a 6'0" male) i had a year to prepare for this trip and am kicking myself hard for waiting til the last minute. im awaiting that 'i think we will work better as friends' message once we get home from our meetup.

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Getting everything out when purging
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Thu Jun 14 20:13:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7g73/getting_everything_out_when_purging/
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Does anyone else freak out when you're purging and at the point where nothing is coming up but water? I feel like I didn't see enough actual food coming up and now I'm freaking out because only water is coming up and I feel like I can't get everything out

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Tofu
/u/BlobfishAreCute
Created: Thu Jun 14 20:06:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r7exf/tofu/
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I’m planning heavy restriction for the next five weeks and I’m planning on getting most of my protein from tofu and egg whites. However, some health websites are saying that too much tofu (or soy in general) can cause adverse reactions. Does anyone know about this/have suggestions for what I can eat instead?

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[Rant/Rave] Had a meltdown after betrayal by Asian grocery store snack.
/u/luxmagicka
Created: Thu Jun 14 19:33:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r77jg/had_a_meltdown_after_betrayal_by_asian_grocery/
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I made an alt just to post this because it made me realize how fucked up it was that it bothered me so much and I wanted to post and see if anyone could relate.

I was at the Asian grocery store looking for low-calorie rice cakes/rice snacks and I found something that said it was 100 calories for 94 grams which was pretty awesome (shoulda been red flag). It was a sticker kind of on top of the nutritional info but since the bag was printed in Chinese I didn't worry about it. I got home and ate two (calculated about 40 calories) but I got suspicious because they tasted sweet and had some peanut chunks in it.

I got out Google translate and used its picture option to read the label and calculated from kilojoules to calories AND IT WAS FUCKING 569 CALORIES PER 100g meaning I ate more than 4 times the calories I wanted to.

It ruined my day and I was really upset, and I'm still upset.

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[Other] My wife doesn’t make dinner for herself until after I have finished eating because she gets 50% of my food
/u/gothicapples
Created: Thu Jun 14 19:29:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r76ot/my_wife_doesnt_make_dinner_for_herself_until/
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Tonight I made a
large salad with dill dressing (85)
2 rice cakes with 30grams of red pepper hummus (150)
5 chicken nuggets (300)
Popsicle (50)

I gave her half my salad,half my popsicle,1 of my rice cakes and 2 chicken nuggets

(Yes she does eat other things but not until I have finished eating and given her all the stuff I decided not to eat)

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Surgery + Additional Weight?
/u/Firerose157
Created: Thu Jun 14 18:45:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r6x23/surgery_additional_weight/
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Who else has a fear of having an implant of any kind because of the additional weight you can't burn off? Like, I could be underweight but not because of the additional weight from whatever's inside me.

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Want to flirt with guy but feel too fat
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Thu Jun 14 18:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r6w6y/want_to_flirt_with_guy_but_feel_too_fat/
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I am at the cusp of a BMI of 25 and I guess sort of have a crush on this guy that works at my vape shop (thanks to whoever recommended Juul lol). I really want to talk to him, maybe even eventually ask him to text me (shop has my phone #) but I'm so paranoid I look just absolutely horrid (face and body) and he's way out of my league. I have no idea what I look like, but figure I will look way better if I lost even just 15-20lbs. I'm so self conscious going in there and I'm wondering if I should stay away for a few weeks until I lose more weight so that when I go back in he doesn't remember me as so fat. And I'm scared if I do flirt with him now, it'll be one of those "Haha this fat girl likes me" moments. I don't know what to do.

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[Rant/Rave] Going on vacation in the throes of heavy restriction.
/u/candywife_
Created: Thu Jun 14 18:40:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r6vvn/going_on_vacation_in_the_throes_of_heavy/
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Very frustrating. I'm going to be surrounded by friends and family in a beautiful beach setting, and all I'm going to be able to think about is how to turn down food at every possible turn, or make it seem like I'm eating when I'm not. I'm low-key kind of scared food is going to be forced on me and I don't know how I'm going to escape it :(

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[Discussion] I'm eating everything. But nothing.
/u/BeatMeCallMeEdna
Created: Thu Jun 14 18:09:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r6op7/im_eating_everything_but_nothing/
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My tongue is convinced i want everything. So i gave in.
Only, im not actually eating anything, in real life that is.


I'm noshing on everything in my mind, and living in the 5 seconds after the last swallow.


That moment, the moment of regret, then realizing i did NOT eat it... is like ecstasy...


Thanks for listening.

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Seeing my partner for the first time in a few days (ldr) and I feel like he’s gonna find me repulsive :) doesn’t help I just ate a lot of pizza today
/u/starvingmutt
Created: Thu Jun 14 17:33:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r6gjd/seeing_my_partner_for_the_first_time_in_a_few/
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[removed]

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I have some matcha powder. do you guys know any low cal, yummy drinks I can make?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Thu Jun 14 17:21:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r6do3/i_have_some_matcha_powder_do_you_guys_know_any/
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fuck it i'm going all out today
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Thu Jun 14 17:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r6dbf/fuck_it_im_going_all_out_today/
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hope you all are doing better than me

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So it happened....the whoosh. Terrifying and everything I wanted?
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Thu Jun 14 16:17:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5xuf/so_it_happenedthe_whoosh_terrifying_and/
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Like the title says - I hit 95 lbs probably a month ago and have just been floating between 95 and 98 pounds since. I kept thinking "jesus, all I want to do is get below 95, how is this so hard?" My body seemed determined to stay.

Then - the weirdest thing. Over the weekend for the first time I had a day with my boyfriend where I just let loose and had whatever I wanted. Usually ALL I drink is rum&diet.....he wanted to get a sangria pitcher on a patio in the sun. All I could think about was all the fruit juice and pop - but how lovely and perfect it would be for the mood of the day - and I just decided, fuck it. Drank pitchers. Ate popsicles. Went to a BBQ place for dinner and got the BBQ chicken and veggies (healthy choice) and ate the bun and didn't ask for no cheese. I was just living life - but in the course of that day I probably ate around 3,000 calories.

I usually eat 800 a day.

So I got home feeling pretty scared to weigh myself this week. Tuesday morning I get on and....93.0.

I totally skipped 94. And it felt like falling off a cliff. How? How is it possible? I FOR SURE thought after all the food, I'd see numbers in the triple digits again. And instead I'm on the lower side of 90 and closer to the 80's than the 100's. It is shocking. It is scary. I love it, and I'm terrified of it. I can feel my skin protesting at how tightly it's stretched across my ribs and my chest. I've got so much fat on my legs/butt, but my body only pulls from my torso, and I have nothing left. My collarbones are like mountains. I feel beautiful - but terrified. I don't know what the point of this is. I just needed to get it out.

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[Help] SOS - I’m having a wave of need to purge so bad that it’s breaking me down
/u/peyton2724
Created: Thu Jun 14 16:07:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5v4x/sos_im_having_a_wave_of_need_to_purge_so_bad_that/
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I’m in recovery, I’ve been clean for two months, and I just ate dinner.
I have this wave of need to purge what I’ve eaten so bad that I had to leave the room and just broke down. Can someone please say something or give me advice on what to do?
I don’t want to do this but I don’t know what else to do

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[Rant/Rave] Friend took a fall
/u/handzies
Created: Thu Jun 14 15:47:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5poj/friend_took_a_fall/
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I have a best friend who also has an eating disorder but I have noticed her trends have changed and I feel it is my fault!! We have been bonded over our EDs for a long time and this is all new for her. Yikes yikes yikes, I'm panicing badly.

She used to just be bulimic, and went into recovery for it, was fine and great for quite some time. Ive always been a hard core restrict kinda person, but whenever I got my extreme anemia diagnosis something changed with her. She stopped eating to the point where even I was like "who there friend, you still gotta go to work and stuff. Gotta function like a human" I feel like I somehow egged it on and something pushed her past the point of reason. She used to be able to know her limits.

I warned her she was gonna get tossed back in the hospital if she kept it up, and I know she doesnt want that. Yet here we are, with her in the ER from passing out at work and smacking her head on a desk.

Gosh, I'm blaming myself, yet I am also so irked. I dont know why I'm feeling so frustrated, I used to tell her about me passing out in my own home, and then two weeks later she does it at work? Does she think this is a competition? She better not! I love her so much! I feel so guilty. I feel like if I didn't confide in her so heavily she wouldnt have these problems!! I feel like I brought her here.

I don't know. I'm mad. I shouldn't be. I know I'm just worried. I don't know what to do or what to say to her. It's hard to be supportive when I feel like I'm the reason she's here.

These thoughts have been very unorginized I'm sorry. Also this may or may not show up because the stupid bot thinks I'm asking for a partner in body crime.

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[Rant/Rave] I hate when you’re feeling good and one ignorant comment ruins it
/u/its_freaking_bats
Created: Thu Jun 14 15:44:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5ov6/i_hate_when_youre_feeling_good_and_one_ignorant/
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So I’m finally down to the 120s. I’m feeling at least a little bit good/proud of myself for accomplishing this when a year ago I was at 155 pounds. Forgive me for saying, but I am feeling “thin”.

So me and my boyfriend were sitting around on our phones and I was going through the discovery page on Instagram (which is terrible for a my self esteem LOL) and I said “I wish I were skinny,” to which my bf replies, “No. you’re fine just the way you are.”

I am pissed. So I said, “So you don’t think I’m skinny?” He said I look normal. NORMAL. So in other words: you’re still fucking fat.

It pisses me off so much because all the girls he ogles are small and super skinny and he hasn’t even noticed that I’ve lost over 25 pounds.

I want to never eat anything again.

---

[Help] BUDDY TOOK A FALL
/u/handzies
Created: Thu Jun 14 15:42:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5ofo/buddy_took_a_fall/
---
I have a best friend who also has an eating disorder but I have noticed her trends have changed and I feel it is my fault!! We have been bonded over our EDs for a long time and this is all new for her. Yikes yikes yikes, I'm panicing badly.

She used to just be bulimic, and went into recovery for it, was fine and great for quite some time. Ive always been a hard core restrict kinda person, but whenever I got my extreme anemia diagnosis something changed with her. She stopped eating to the point where even I was like "who there friend, you still gotta go to work and stuff. Gotta function like a human" I feel like I somehow egged it on and something pushed her past the point of reason. She used to be able to know her limits.

I warned her she was gonna get tossed back in the hospital if she kept it up, and I know she doesnt want that. Yet here we are, with her in the ER from passing out at work and smacking her head on a desk.

Gosh, I'm blaming myself, yet I am also so irked. I dont know why I'm feeling so frustrated, I used to tell her about me passing out in my own home, and then two weeks later she does it at work? Does she think this is a competition? She better not! I love her so much! I feel so guilty. I feel like if I didn't confide in her so heavily she wouldnt have these problems!! I feel like I brought her here.

I don't know. I'm mad. I shouldn't be. I know I'm just worried. I don't know what to do or what to say to her. It's hard to be supportive when I feel like I'm the reason she's here.

These thoughts have been very unorginized I'm sorry.

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My parents bought me food but I don't want to eat it
/u/Fox_Trot_above_me
Created: Thu Jun 14 15:41:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5o6c/my_parents_bought_me_food_but_i_dont_want_to_eat/
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Today my parents force bought me food after becoming upset I didn't want to eat. I don't feel like eating it. I don't want to throw it away. What do I do?

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I LOST WEIGHT SIMPLY BY EYEING MY FOOD AND I FEEL SO HAPPY
/u/Plz_Can_You_Not
Created: Thu Jun 14 15:31:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5lgu/i_lost_weight_simply_by_eyeing_my_food_and_i_feel/
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I was 11.1 1/2 stone at the very end of March which is the highest I've ever been. Last year i March 2017 I was at my lowest at 9 stone 4 with my height being 5'8". I gained it all in September and by October I was 11 stone.

Today in the morning I came back home from university expecting to have put weight on from the previous time I had weighed myself at 10 stone 5 only to discover that I am 10 stone! I lost 5lbs in two weeks and I am superhappy about it.

I couldn't calorie count my food because it was premade and I was superstressed about gaining weight after getting out of hospital but it seems that hospital food being discussing and therefore making me eat less and shrinking stomach has actually been useful afterall.

I am so happy!

To all of you out there, everyone has bad days, weeks, months and even years. I have been fighting to lose this weight for so long and kept failing but only now have I started to succeed. You can do it too!

I am also one of those people who barely exercises and doesn't really eat that healthy so don't worry if you don't either!

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Does attention (comments) on Instagram have an impact on your self esteem?
/u/claireupvotes
Created: Thu Jun 14 15:27:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5kb5/does_attention_comments_on_instagram_have_an/
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I feel like all the other people I know, as soon as they post something, have a ton of friends who comment like right away complementing her. I was in a sorority but just graduated and never really connected with that many people anyway. But sometimes I get lucky, and the people who are big on social media that I did connect with all comment and it makes me feel so good about myself! Idk I just wish I had more friends who cared about that kind of stuff so I could have that kind of support, but I majored in STEM and only have dude friends who either don't use or don't even have social media. Oh well

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I Feel Pretty
/u/FeedMeDreams
Created: Thu Jun 14 15:25:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5jx8/i_feel_pretty/
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I am ridiculously looking forward to when this movie is available online (can't afford to see it in the cinemas). I feel like it will be the ~*best thinspo eva*~ and after watching it, I'll magically not feel hungry any more... /s

But seriously, I am looking forward to it. Anyone else have weird/offbeat thinspo?

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[Help] [Question] How hungry am I if...
/u/pailblusea
Created: Thu Jun 14 15:10:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5fs7/question_how_hungry_am_i_if/
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I look at mud when I am out running, think about mixing some sweetener in it how good would it taste? How many calories would it be?

They say you're not hungry if you won't eat an apple. I'd be willing to fucking eat mud right now.

Dammit. Lol.

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Welp, I'm gross
/u/LittlestBear
Created: Thu Jun 14 15:01:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5dca/welp_im_gross/
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Today I had to travel for work and grabbed a happy meal because I figured it could be today's meal and I wouldn't have to worry about eating when I got home. I left and freaked out so I purged it back into the happy meal box while driving because I couldn't stop and be late for my meeting....like, I brought it up into my mouth, pushed the food over to the side, swallowed the water, then spit it back into the box all over one of the incredibles

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I haven't been 119 lbs in a year and proceed to binge for a week straight...
/u/Glazed9000
Created: Thu Jun 14 14:55:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r5bfe/i_havent_been_119_lbs_in_a_year_and_proceed_to/
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I'm so sick of this disorder and my lack of willpower to stop binging and overeating. I have a wedding to go to on Saturday with my SO and I'm going to look huge. I feel so low right now.

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Let’s talk restriction (calorie #s) what’s your magic number?
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Thu Jun 14 14:50:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r59xz/lets_talk_restriction_calorie_s_whats_your_magic/
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Hi everybody. I’m curious to know what everyone’s daily calorie goal is when restricting. Please include if it’s high or low restriction, your age, height, weight (if your comfortable posting it 💕) and activity level. Can include total weight loss as well if you want.

I am trying to work out if I high or low restrict I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

5’2” 125 lbs/57 kg
Age 31
Activity level: moderate. Lots of walking. Exercise 3+ times a week
Calories: if I am under 500 I am so happy but that really never happens unless I’m fasting. So normally 600-850 a day, which I am never happy with.
Total weight loss 58 lbs (26 kg) since October (9 months)

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[Help] Have any of you tried a SodaStream?
/u/Andersoncooperspenis
Created: Thu Jun 14 14:40:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r575w/have_any_of_you_tried_a_sodastream/
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I’ve been thinking of taking the plunge lately and buying a SodaStream. I’m not too too concerned about the economic benefits of it because right now where I live soda is never on sale anyway so I never buy it 😩 ↵
↵

With how much I loovveee carbonated drinks I think it’d be worth it though? And then I can stop mentally freaking out over whether the grocery store employees are judging me and I can still have my diet soda when I have my weekly breakdown and decide I’m too fat to leave the house lol

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[Other] I binged on Chinese food the other day and I got this in my fortune cookie. ._. Definitely wish I had that for dinner instead.
/u/runningthewrongway
Created: Thu Jun 14 13:57:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r4uz2/i_binged_on_chinese_food_the_other_day_and_i_got/
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https://i.redd.it/8g0yjqn2v0411.jpg

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Just Watched These Guys Devour Their Food and It Somehow Got Me Into Those Mukbang Videos
/u/SpeakLife14
Created: Thu Jun 14 13:48:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r4s8h/just_watched_these_guys_devour_their_food_and_it/
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https://youtu.be/dFKt78DFHHQ

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Just found out I am pregnant
/u/expectingana
Created: Thu Jun 14 13:37:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r4p5u/just_found_out_i_am_pregnant/
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hi guys! I am a long time lurker and have been reading this sub for so long. I decided to finally post because I wanted to know if any of you have any advice. I just found out that I am pregnant and I am pretty underweight I restrict a lot and am not ready to recover. I'm pretty scared and not sure what to do.

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I ate a fucking worm 🙃
/u/fatterfly
Created: Thu Jun 14 13:33:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r4nt2/i_ate_a_fucking_worm/
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binging on cherries (????) when i saw this tiny worm chilling on the cherry i was just about to put in my mouth, i looked straight at the lil guy AND I FUCKING ATE IT ANYWAY.



everyday i stray further from god's light.

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Does anyone have any inspiration pics or movies?
/u/bearantennae8611
Created: Thu Jun 14 13:17:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r4jes/does_anyone_have_any_inspiration_pics_or_movies/
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Sorry, if this isn’t allowed.

Has anyone looked at celebrity pictures or watched certain movies to stave off of a binge or for inspiration? If so what are/were they? It doesn’t necessarily have to be a show or movie about weight loss, just something where you thought someone looked really great, and you had the tiniest flicker of inspiration.

I’m just interested in this right now, and I like to do this to give me hope and try to stop myself from binging when I’m alone. I’d rather waste my time and keep my mind busy by looking at pictures/researching or watching movies and tv. It also reignites any determination I had before.

To add because I think this was misunderstood on another sub, I don't feel anymore hatred or shame towards my body when I look at these pictures or watch these movies. It's usually when the actor has completely transformed their body for a role. It just helps stave off binges sometimes because I think if they can do it so can I.

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[Discussion] I think it should mandatory for restaurants to list the amount of calories in every food item.
/u/nihilistatari
Created: Thu Jun 14 13:15:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r4ijq/i_think_it_should_mandatory_for_restaurants_to/
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I was on 'vacation', in quotation marks because it was miserable and hardly a vacation, and I went to a lot of restaurants. I binged every single day and now I am having to fast/restrict ultra heavily to work off the effects. That is besides the point, however. I wish restaurants would list the amount of calories in every single dish/meal/appetizers on the menu. I'm honestly surprised that they don't, honestly? Does anyone else feel the same way?

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DAE worry that they’re harming others by partaking in online ED culture?
/u/kurayamikakashi
Created: Thu Jun 14 13:10:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r4hat/dae_worry_that_theyre_harming_others_by_partaking/
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I was wondering if any of you guys ever share this feeling. I’m a lurker, but I always feel so safe in these environments. However, every so often I find myself questioning what I might be encouraging in others. For instance, when I upvote someone’s post on fasting for a week, isn’t that kind of screwed up? Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed seeing you guys struggle so much, while I can’t do anything to help. This kind of rambly but to get to the point: do you think sites like these encourage unhealthy behavior?


Sorry if this is inappropriate. My mom recently went on a semi-rant against pro-ed stuff and I’ve just been thinking about it a lot.

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I'll never be happy
/u/alliwantisskinny
Created: Thu Jun 14 12:59:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r4dsz/ill_never_be_happy/
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I have all these plans and visions for myself (wearing cute outfits, Disney land, camping, swimming, exc) but I always picture myself when I'm small. I have to look a certain way to enjoy these things and deserve to do these.
right now I'm 5'7 and 114 pounds but even right now I feel like I'm way too heavy to have fun and enjoy myself without thinking about how fat I look.

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[Rant/Rave] Sugar literally hitting me in the face
/u/damnitjanet6
Created: Thu Jun 14 12:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r4cjy/sugar_literally_hitting_me_in_the_face/
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I'm midway through a binge, just opened up my food cupboard to find something to shovel into my face, and my bag of sugar literally fell out and hit me in the face and burst open. I'm literally sugar coated. It looks like it's snowed in my kitchen.

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[Other] lush’s cupcake face mask is ME
/u/ronialys
Created: Thu Jun 14 11:51:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r3x7a/lushs_cupcake_face_mask_is_me/
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https://i.redd.it/p704wgfm80411.jpg

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I haven't binged in a week
/u/ButterflyThin
Created: Thu Jun 14 11:48:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r3we7/i_havent_binged_in_a_week/
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Guys, this is my first full week binge free since the 1st of the year. I can't belive I've done it! 3 more days and I will have my longest binge free streak of the year!

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Every time I think about eating I pinch my stomach and jiggle my thighs... it's a reminder of why I can't afford to eat.
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Thu Jun 14 11:23:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r3op0/every_time_i_think_about_eating_i_pinch_my/
---

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Every time I thing about eating I pinch my stomach and jiggle my thighs... it's a reminder of why I can't afford to eat.
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Thu Jun 14 11:22:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r3ock/every_time_i_thing_about_eating_i_pinch_my/
---

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[Help] I feel like I'm going nuts
/u/rxBootySlayer
Created: Thu Jun 14 10:45:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r3d17/i_feel_like_im_going_nuts/
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I've been eating less than 1000 calories and working out

I've been at the same weight for almost two weeks...

Not intelligent lmao but does fat convert to muscle or am I doomed to be at this weight?

Tf is going on

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[Discussion] Is anyone else obsessed with weird internet fads/challenges (like the A4 challenge, bikini bridge, belly button challenge) as objective proof that you are actually skinny?
/u/smileyslimey
Created: Thu Jun 14 10:45:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r3crq/is_anyone_else_obsessed_with_weird_internet/
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When I first read about the [A4 waist challenge](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/a4-waist-challenge) I thought the trend was harmful for insecure women like me, but nonetheless rushed to the mirror with a piece of paper to see if I was thinner or fatter than all those perfect skinny girls posting their pictures on the internet.

Same with the bikini bridge, collarbone challenge and belly button challenge. Rationally, I know that these things are mostly attributed to bone structure (and flexibility of your arms, lol) but having these seemingly objective criteria *massively* triggers my irrational and competitive side.

Like, I can't tell if I'm thin or fat by looking in the mirror. My perception of my body changes by the minute. But fitting behind a sheet of paper is objectively true or not, and apparently it's proof of being thin enough.

It's kind of sad how my goals have shifted from trying to be a kind, open minded person, getting good grades at uni and working hard to just being thinner than random women on the internet. Thanks ED.

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[Rant/Rave] World Cup Woes
/u/fattie_magoo
Created: Thu Jun 14 10:43:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r3caq/world_cup_woes/
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Last World Cup I was pretty much recovered... watched every game with at least 2-3 beers 😱 which now that I’m relapsed would be like all of my calories for the day just for ONE game (and there are some days with 4 games)!!

I looooove the World Cup and make it a priority to watch every game. Try to go to bars/cafes from the country who’s game it, is to mingle with people from those countries who are rooting so hard. But now I won’t be able to eat/drink much and I’m sad. Like, what’s the point of going to a German Biergarten and ordering vodka soda?

Also, the games are all in the mornings/early afternoons; so if I do save my calories for a few beers I will be tipsy by like 3 PM and lose all self control in the evenings. Obviously I don’t have to drink or eat to watch but there’s something so nice about going out and watching. Anyone else having this problem/other World Cup crazies?

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[Discussion] Does anyone else restriction calories come from junk? (for those who restrict)
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Thu Jun 14 10:41:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r3bpx/does_anyone_else_restriction_calories_come_from/
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Ex: Chips, etc? Will you still loose?

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[Help] Fainting
/u/astro-punk
Created: Thu Jun 14 10:17:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r34tu/fainting/
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I've been restricting under 1000 calories for the past 5 days and now nearly every time I stand up I feel close to fainting. Black appears at the edges of my vision for sometimes a solid ten seconds. I have generally pretty low blood pressure even when i am not restricting. Does anyone have a tip on how to avoid this without increasing my calorie intake?

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started calorie counting but it's slowly been developing into a "game" for me.
/u/biblicalirony
Created: Thu Jun 14 10:14:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r33xb/started_calorie_counting_but_its_slowly_been/
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just to preface this, i'm obese (f/5'3/15/190pounds). i objectively need to lose weight to be healthier and while my goal weight is "normal" (120pounds-ish), i've been trying to lose it incredibly quickly. while i don't think my problem is incredibly bad in the sense that i don't binge or purge, the absolute highest amount of calories i allow myself per day is around 1000 but i strive to eat way less (500ish) than that. there's this weight loss calculator online called losertown that predicts the amount of weight you should be losing based off of your stats and how much you plan to eat per day and i sometimes find myself entering numbers like 0-100, fantasizing about how i'd look if i just didn't eat.

i absolutely *hate* the way that i look and can't look at any photo of me let alone the mirror because of how disgusted i am that i've reached this point. i get that the way that i'm trying to lose weight is unhealthy but i just... i just really hate everything about myself right now and i can't help but feel like becoming skinnier will somehow solve most of my problems. idk.

i get it's irrational but

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Am I still recovered if I still think about it everyday?
/u/daintydollll
Created: Thu Jun 14 10:09:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r32l6/am_i_still_recovered_if_i_still_think_about_it/
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my doctors seem to think that if I am a healthy weight and I am eating what they want me to, I'm recovered. But I still think about starving my self every day, how easy it would be to just stop eating again or runaway and purge their meal plan.
as long as I'm weight restored I'm recovered in their eyes but I have never felt so sick, and they don't understand.

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What stereotypical ED things do you do?
/u/longlostbaristaa
Created: Thu Jun 14 10:02:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r30ei/what_stereotypical_ed_things_do_you_do/
---

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Im going to nip this binge in the bud
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Thu Jun 14 09:46:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r2vmn/im_going_to_nip_this_binge_in_the_bud/
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I've been on a two week binge. It sucks. When I started it I could barely handle a burger before feeling painfully full, now I can eat enormous amounts and not feel a thing. I've had indigestion twice in the past two weeks from eating massive amounts very quickly. Somehow I've lost 4 lbs though. But I'm sure that's just because I weighed myself after the indigestion when I had to vomit up everything in my stomach. I'm at a soft 132 (5'6) and by the time I start college this fall I need to be 125 or below. In 2.5 weeks I'm going to a concert and I want to be at least 130 for it.

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[Goal] Reached a goal, feel nothing
/u/PM_ME_JABBERWOCKYS
Created: Thu Jun 14 09:21:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r2ord/reached_a_goal_feel_nothing/
---
All I wanted was to hit the 120s before my graduation later this month.

This has been my goal since I weighed 138 pounds. My body still looked the same at that weight, and I figured, “Well, the 120s will FOR SURE show me some improvement.”

Stepped on the scale a minute ago. 129 pounds. Nothing.

I just feel even more disgusted at myself. I look like complete shit. My upper half holds NOTHING, I can see my fucking ribcage, sternum, hip bones; even my goddamn ball joints on my wrists.

Look at my lower half? Piece of shit; such a fat fuck that it looks like I’ve accomplished NOTHING over these past few months. I dropped ONE PANT SIZE over 29 POUNDS LOST.

I was motivated to lose weight in the first place because I hate my body. My stupid, fruit-fucking-shaped body. My goal weight has been 120 pounds since the beginning, but how will I ever have thin legs just 9 pounds later? I won’t. My body is revolting. My genetics are revolting. I’m just going to be one of those sorry excuses who still look heavy at underweight BMIs.

Looks like the new goal is 115. And after that, 110. I can’t see myself stopping now because my body refuses to lose fat. I’m going to have to have a BMI under 18 in order to at least look NORMAL. I hate myself. I hate my shitty luck. There are people who don’t do shit and have beautifully sculpted legs.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this. A cry for attention? I shouldn’t even be feeling sorry for myself, I should be motivated to try harder because obviously what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working.

I just want to go to sleep and wake up when I have thin legs.

---

Can someone tell me wtf is going on?
/u/anhedonicandlaconic
Created: Thu Jun 14 09:14:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r2mqv/can_someone_tell_me_wtf_is_going_on/
---
I've been feeling chest/bone/joint pain, an inability to breathe properly, headaches, numbness, nausea from drinking water, etc. Eventually after drinking water and giving 20 min for the sickness to pass I feel a bit better but wtfs going on?

---

[Rant/Rave] Thick
/u/alovelytime
Created: Thu Jun 14 09:01:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r2iyf/thick/
---
I hate that term so much. No I don’t think it’s a complement. No I don’t care if that is the current trend. No I will not just accept it.

To me thick is translation for fat. All I hear is you calling me fat.

Honestly would prefer people just outright call me fat or chubby.

---

Don't forget electrolytes after exercising!
/u/2girly4me
Created: Thu Jun 14 08:47:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r2fap/dont_forget_electrolytes_after_exercising/
---
If you're supplementing electrolytes, make sure you have more after you exercise heavily. There's another post on here where they share their recipe for an electrolyte drink. The most important in my eyes are sodium and potassium. Just buy the off brand table salt (all brands are usually the same), and a no sodium substitute (I use NuSalt, others use Morton's) and put like a quarter tsp into a bottle of water and slowly drink that.

Especially if you're experiencing dizzinesses or an abnormally fast heart rate, electrolytes can NOT be overlooked!

---

Story time!

I had to learn this last night. I made a stupid mistake by going out at 11 pm to run/walk and had only a little bit of just water.

I woke up at 9 am and my heart was racing, feeling dizzy when I sit up. And I nearly fainted twice. I was fighting to stay concisous both times.

I couldn't even take my blood pressure standing up. Sitting up, my BP was 80/55. Turns out I had low blood pressure and it dropped slowly while I was asleep.

I just had 650 mg of potassium and 1200 of sodium and I'm feeling better. No dizziness. I'm relaxing now and slowly getting my daily values of both electrolytes.

---

[Intro] Time to stop lurking!
/u/penguin_flop
Created: Thu Jun 14 08:20:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r27ru/time_to_stop_lurking/
---
Hi guys, finally decided it was time to introduce myself and eventually create my own flair.
I’m 21F, in college, and I have bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety. And I also have a problem with food. I will binge multiple times a week and maybe restrict after.
I have a lot of emotions surrounding food, and it’s something that started when I was maybe 11. If my parents made me mad, I didn’t eat. I would lock myself in my bathroom and refuse dinner. So now when I get angry, I cannot - WILL NOT - eat.
My current weight is 145 lbs and I hate it. I think some of it could be my medicine, but I know most of it is just due to binge eating.

I really, really struggle with people’s comments on my food. My roommate is a good friend of mine, yet if I eat something “healthy” she will make comments because she is eating something not as healthy. Just last night I went out and bought multiple sweet items for a binge, and when I was done (late at night) I kept them in a plastic bag so she wouldn’t look in it. That plan failed. This morning she was like, “I appreciate your attempt to hide the [binge food].” It makes me feel disgusting because I see a dietitian and I have TOLD her that we do not comment on my food, no matter what it is. And yet she said that. So now I’m upset and I’m going to have a cigarette.

I just love this community so much. No matter what behavior I’m engaging in, I always find it so relatable and supportive. So you guys will definitely see me around!!

---

[Rant/Rave] Visiting family soon for the first time in a while and I can already hear the comments from my aunt.
/u/x-ko
Created: Thu Jun 14 07:41:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r1xiz/visiting_family_soon_for_the_first_time_in_a/
---
I live 1500 miles from my family, and I haven't been able to visit in three years.

I'm visiting them in july and I am very excited! However...

I have one aunt who I know is going to say something. Her and I are on...opposite ends of the ED spectrum you could say. She's close to 500 lbs and will eat until she pukes, and then eat some more. My sister called me horrified one day after witnessing her drink arbys sauce like a smoothie.

She absolutely has an eating disorder, no questions, it's just the complete opposite of mine.

I've always been criticized by my extended family members for being "too small" and I can hear the comments already.

I don't think she's "gross" or "jealous" or anything like that, a lot of my family is on the heavy side. But I think she's sick and is going to be mad at me for being different sick. She's the type to hold that against me.

And I haven't been trying to hide the behaviors because I've honestly stopped caring, so I know it's obvious to someone who's looking.

Anyways. Long rant about family blah blah blah at least my sister and parents are great people and I'm excited to see them.

---

[TIP] Electrolytes! They're important. (Drink recipe and info)
/u/Sidehothrowaway
Created: Thu Jun 14 07:22:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r1stu/tip_electrolytes_theyre_important_drink_recipe/
---
Things like Powerade and Gatorade aren't really all that great. The amount of sodium, potassium, and magnesium they contain is next to nothing and won't be much help. Especially if you don't eat much or keep much in. Plus they're gross and full of garbage.

There have been a few posts I've seen about the dangers of not getting enough electrolytes, mainly potassium. Magnesium and calcium are also super important!!! Calcium and magnesium have a bit of a partnership inside our bodies and unfortunately they're usually ignored when it comes to people paying attention to their electrolytes. [A little more info on electrolytes](https://www.emedicinehealth.com/electrolytes/article_em.htm#)....[And a bit more info](https://draxe.com/electrolyte-imbalance/)

I wanted to share my home made electrolyte drink that's zero calories.

Potassium 795mg

C 265mg

D3 105iu

Calcium 210mg

Magnesium 320mg

Boron 265mcg

Sodium 480- 960mg (quarter tsp of the salt vs a half tsp)


The sodium looks like a lot, but you need sodium and potassium to stay balanced. It really isn't a lot. Potassium makes you pee and sodium makes you retain water (basically). A dose of potassium like this without some sodium could dehydrate you. If you're active, you need more salt. However, if you eat a bunch of salty processed stuff or salt your food heavily, adjust accordingly. If you're more whole-foods based you might need more.


[The ingredients](https://imgur.com/a/63SivhD)

Recipe (use measuring spoons please, not kidding, especially for the potassium):

3tsp (1 tablespoon) Natural Calm with calcium

1/4 tsp Morton's salt substitute (*not the lite-salt version!*)

1/4-1/2 tsp Celtic Grey sea salt. You can use any salt you want, but I like this one because it has the most trace minerals.

Throw all of that into an 4-6oz glass of WARM water. It will fizz up (like alka seltzer). After you drink that have a full glass of regular water.



The first few times you make it, half the recipe. This will make sure you don't have a strange reaction. The first time I took the full Natural Calm dose I trusted the wrong fart and got disaster pants, so I half dosed for a week. Kind of odd since I used to be hooked on liquid mag citrate laxatives, but whatever.

As for the potassium, the daily suggested requirement is 3500-4700 depending on where you look. If you feel like you need more potassium, you can have more of the salt substitute later on, but avoid taking a full quarter teaspoon too close to the electrolyte drink. Too much potassium at once isn't a good idea at all. This drink pushes it a little bit in the first place, but I've never had any issues and neither has anyone else I've had drink it. Its handy to sprinkle on salads or other food. If I need more I just mix it with warm water in a shot glass and drink it quick and have a glass of water as a chaser.

DON'T TAKE MORE THAN THE RECOMMENDED DOSE OF THE NATURAL CALM PER DAY. Not kidding. A tablespoon is enough.

It does keep pretty good as well. So if you want to make a batch in the morning and split it up between your water bottles (or whatever you do), that works too.

Also...never underestimate the power of good mineral water like Gerolsteiner and San Pelligrino. They have a lot of minerals and bicarbonate that help maintain your acid balance (another thing electrolytes do) and keep your body happy. They're expensive, but worth it.


[Natural Calm Plus Calcium](https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B000K9FF4M/ref=mp_s_a_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1528981172&sr=8-3&keywords=natural%2Bcalm%2Bplus%2Bcalcium&dpPl=1&dpID=41YZjkBw4FL&ref=plSrch&th=1&psc=1) they also have unflavored, but the raspberry lemonade is really good and they organic flavoring, stevia, and it's zero calorie.

[Morton Salt Substitute](https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00XMZ0S9S/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1528981383&sr=8-1&keywords=morton+salt+substitute+sodium+free&dpPl=1&dpID=41HVP0woFoL&ref=plSrch). This is expensive on Amazon. It's like $3 at the grocery store and in with the regular salts.

[Celtic Grey Sea Salt](https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B000EITYUU/ref=mp_s_a_1_4_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1528981482&sr=8-4&keywords=celtic+grey+sea+salt&dpPl=1&dpID=513hqJgMaEL&ref=plSrch)


I hope this helps someone. I definitely notice a difference if I skip a few days of this. Much more light-headedness, fainting/dizziness, anxiety etc. It's much easier to get through when you get your electrolytes in.

EDs kill more people than they should. We really can't help what's going on in our heads, but we can do little things to make sure we're safe and can function a little better.

---

Half-Recovery
/u/bmalaur
Created: Thu Jun 14 06:53:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r1lnj/halfrecovery/
---
I've been in treatment for almost a year now ;\_; & in that time i've gotten my calories up from 800/day \-\> 1300/day and my weight is now at semi\-maintenance (or v v v v slowly losing idk).

but i am mentally not committed to it and am still "trying" to lose weight but i'm not losing because it's also not restricting low enough and i also don't want to get to the restriction depression hell either so i'm not doing well and i'm not doing bad. it's like i'm living in a half\-life because i can't commit to going either way with this. i wish i could motivate myself to just recover or just lose the 15 pounds i want to lose. this is like a safe zone that i feel sorta guilty for maintaining because it seems like a waste of time to even keep seeing my therapist.

---

[Discussion] Anyone else losing as slowly as me?
/u/SpeckledBalloon
Created: Thu Jun 14 06:30:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r1gjw/anyone_else_losing_as_slowly_as_me/
---
https://i.redd.it/02dzaktcny311.jpg

---

[Discussion] DAE get really bad nausea when restricting?
/u/catamongthecrows
Created: Thu Jun 14 06:15:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r1d4m/dae_get_really_bad_nausea_when_restricting/
---
After switching back from restricting to constant overeating and gaining 25 lbs, I managed to get back to restricting yesterday, about 500 calories. I woke up feeling a bit vomish and just had a cup of black coffee and it got so much worse and it reminded me that this used to happen a lot when I was in full swing restriction mode at my lowest weight. When I was in the thick of it back then, I even woke up one morning after a particularly low cal day and immediately puked bile. I don't have any friends with a known ED that I could ask about it. Is it normal to get nauseous from restricting and fasting, even getting sick when there's nothing even in your stomach?

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support June 14, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 14 06:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r1c76/weekly_emotional_support_june_14_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 14, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 14 06:10:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r1bwq/daily_food_diary_june_14_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 14, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Discussion] Can I still have a problem if I go “on” and “off” with my behaviors?
/u/vitalogy95
Created: Thu Jun 14 06:00:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r19oj/can_i_still_have_a_problem_if_i_go_on_and_off/
---
What I mean is, I’ll go months where I obsess and restrict and weigh obsessively and I lose a lot of weight. And then I’ll go months where I want to be losing weight but I can’t stick to it. I start eating more and trying less and often gain a lot of the weight back.

I guess the consistencies are that I always feel horrible when I eat too much or gain weight, and I always still track my food, but I only truly restrict half of the time.

So am I just normal? Or is that’s still an issue? I feel like I can’t relate to normal people and their relationships with food, but I often feel like I can’t relate to a lot of people who are fully in the thick of a disorder. Sometimes I feel wrong or guilty for even being on this subreddit.

I just want to not care about food, get this weight off and keep it off, but I can’t stop gaining and losing rather than just losing.

---

[Discussion] favorite low-cal travel snacks?
/u/lalalean
Created: Thu Jun 14 05:06:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r0yoy/favorite_lowcal_travel_snacks/
---
hey guys, i’m traveling this weekend with family and i’m wondering what i could bring with me that will keep cals low/travels well.

i’m most interested in protein bars because i’m not well-versed on them, so hit me with...

▪️favorite lowest-cal protein bars?
▪️favorite lowest-cal snack/candy?
▪️favorite lowest-cal microwave ready meal?
▪️other ideas?

---

Stop commenting on my food
/u/HonestRaspberry
Created: Thu Jun 14 04:33:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r0sr8/stop_commenting_on_my_food/
---
I'm overweight and already wanting to eat lesser for my health and look and feel better. Yet my parents keep saying I'm eating too little when I'm restricting or after I binged and trying to eat a small meal. Please stop commenting on my food!

---

[Discussion] How is the Samsung Health App?
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Thu Jun 14 03:21:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r0fzm/how_is_the_samsung_health_app/
---
In terms of are calories (intake/exercise) accurate? And ease of use.

---

I'm not sick enough for my town
/u/PunkHoyden
Created: Thu Jun 14 02:03:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8r03io/im_not_sick_enough_for_my_town/
---
I found out yesterday that I won't be eligible for an "assessment" with the only bulk bill place in my town for 15-16 weeks.

4 MONTHS aka October.

Even then there is no guarantee they will take me on after my assessment... I've exhausted all the other options in my town and I can't travel.

So I've lost the little strength and hope I had to fight for recovery. I was only able to go on so long because I was told I would be getting help and support quickly. So I'm back to hardcore restricting and I've decided to just let myself lose weight.

It's so much easier and I'm so bone weary.

I wonder how long till I beat my old lowest weight of 45kgs.

---

Sometimes I wonder if my eating disorder is karma and the universe's middle finger to me.
/u/circa90melancholy
Created: Thu Jun 14 00:37:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qzolv/sometimes_i_wonder_if_my_eating_disorder_is_karma/
---
Karma for what exactly? I don't know. Maybe for being an asshole to my mom for three straight years. Maybe for turning away from our religion. Maybe for stealing pencils and coins and tiny candies from people. Maybe for wishing bad luck on girls I was jealous of in elementary school, or middle school, or high school. Maybe for being a shitty friend. I haven't figured it out yet, but I feel like I must have to deserved this to have been stuck with it for so long. Of course I don't think that of anyone else, nor would I wish it on anyone else, but given how long I've been such an asshole, I think I must've deserved it somehow.

*Is that just me?*

---

[Rant/Rave] Aftermath of 7+ month binge cycle
/u/voldemortspares
Created: Thu Jun 14 00:30:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qzn9o/aftermath_of_7_month_binge_cycle/
---
Food is not good or even great anymore. It's just bland and disappointing. I gained almost 40 lbs. And every time I eat again, I feel like a big fat loser. My skins scrawls after I eat because I feel like I am rotting from the inside. It's not worth it. Oh and I hate going outside and seeing other people freaks me out. If you were looking for a sign not to binge( cause your are superstitious like me), this is it.

---

[Rant/Rave] venting about my feelings though "poems"
/u/petewentzpetegoez
Created: Wed Jun 13 23:58:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qzhen/venting_about_my_feelings_though_poems/
---
***death welcomes me***

I'm so cold

It's like I'm gaining characteristics of the dead

Wait, am I dying

I'm dying aren’t I

Should I speed up the process or should I slow it down

I deserve the long process honestly

I'll bring it to a slow crawl

A grueling decline

It will happen eventually

My demise brought on upon my own will

“oops”


***numbers***

My worth is determined in numbers

I want to say I can look past it

Numbers are all around me though

It’s like I’m drowning in binary code

And my only way to scream for help is to become nothing

---

Starving is easy, learning to love myself is hard
/u/gastrulablastopore
Created: Wed Jun 13 23:48:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qzflo/starving_is_easy_learning_to_love_myself_is_hard/
---
and so I starve :/

---

how many calories do you eat in recovery?
/u/dollydomer
Created: Wed Jun 13 23:39:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qzdzs/how_many_calories_do_you_eat_in_recovery/
---
im 5'5 and want to know how many calories to eat to start recovery but not gain weight that quickly or maintain?? those in recovery,, what do you eat in a day? do you track macros?

---

Desperate ways we've dealt with constipation
/u/red_ossifrage
Created: Wed Jun 13 23:33:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qzcwg/desperate_ways_weve_dealt_with_constipation/
---
[[[Fair warning: if you don't want to read about poop, this is not the post for you!]]]


So I get constipated at the drop of a hat. Wake up at a different time? Constipated. Drink half a cup less of water a day? Constipated. Worried because my toe hurts and it's probably cancer? Bitch, it's constipation time.

I've been really constipated this week, and it's been driving me crazy. However, aside from senna (which I got addicted to in high school and can no longer use), virtually all normal constipation remedies/medications do not work for me, because my body is a goddamned Lamborghini that laughs at the average mechanic.

No, there's really just one thing that easily fixes my constipation--and that's purposefully eating foods my digestion doesn't tolerate well (which is a lot of foods, because my body, again, is a shitty Lamborghini). That's why last night I mostly ate raisins for dinner. Yep, I choked down raisins until that telltale flatulence finally kicked in...the one that says, "I hope you enjoy shitting your guts out tomorrow, you raisin-eating asshole."

But the thing is, I definitely enjoyed shitting my guts out today. Because fuck constipation.

Anyone else use, um, unorthodox constipation remedies?

---

what's your go to Starbucks order?
/u/longlostbaristaa
Created: Wed Jun 13 23:15:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qz9la/whats_your_go_to_starbucks_order/
---
or any coffee shop!
I work at Starbucks and am always looking for new low cal things to try.

---

[Rant/Rave] Scared to drink
/u/sabadr
Created: Wed Jun 13 23:15:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qz9ih/scared_to_drink/
---
Because i weigh myself obsessively i end up getting dehytrated and holding on to water even more😑🤦‍♀️

---

[Discussion] DAE use old pics of themselves as thinspo/inspo?
/u/Activated_Raviolis
Created: Wed Jun 13 22:37:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qz22y/dae_use_old_pics_of_themselves_as_thinspoinspo/
---
Does anyone else use older pictures of themselves as inspo? I have full body selfies from when i was around 105-110 and its such effective thinspo because ***holy shit i looked great when I was that small.*** Its way more effective for me than looking at images of other people because I actually know what I'm going to look like when I get that small again. The irony is that when i was that small, my eating disorder was in "remission". I had struggled a little bit before, but not nearly as much as I currently am, and the the weight loss was unintentional due to the meds I was taking at the time.

I also use pics from when I was at my HW as reverse thinspo because I looked so bad back then and it's a great deterrent from ever getting that big again.

Does anyone else do this? It feel so vain to be combing through pictures from like 6-7 years ago but it's such a motivator for losing this weight. It's a relief knowing what I'll look like when I get back to being that small again (slightly smaller actually since my UGW is around 100) and knowing that I'm going to finally look cute af for the first time in years.

---

How to not compare yourself to others?
/u/smolpriincess
Created: Wed Jun 13 22:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qz1ru/how_to_not_compare_yourself_to_others/
---
long time lurker and im finally posting.
I constantly compare myself to others and I literally can't be happy. it's gotten to the point where I get mad at my boyfriend for even glancing at another girl, talking to a girl at work about work related things, talking to a girl cashier. it's hurting our relationship and I know he would never do anything to hurt me, but my brain thinks that any girl is better than me..
how do I stop? will I EVER stop comparing myself to every girl I see? how can I get better at being a good girlfriend?

---

got rejected as expected
/u/wetbookshelf
Created: Wed Jun 13 22:30:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qz0tq/got_rejected_as_expected/
---
this doesnt have a whole lot to do w ed so im sorry. i am just kinda drunk and feel fine posting here. ive really liked this girl for awhile and i thought she was into me but wasnt sure if she was over her ex so tonight i finally worked up the courage to tell her i liked her. she basically told me that she figured i was into her and that she liked me but wasnt ready to be in a relarionship especially because i was going to boarding school in august. and on top of that my best friend is mad at me and she’s over tonight and she wont talk to me, just this other girl thats here. so its me my best friend the girl i like and this other girl and im not talking to any of them and i feel really fucking alone so im just pounding shots and writing this. i know ill regret the calories but honestly i just kinda wanna die so who cares what i do

---

Why do my intended purges ALWAYS come out different than my nausea/bug/flu purges??? REEE
/u/_yohom_2
Created: Wed Jun 13 22:25:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qyztt/why_do_my_intended_purges_always_come_out/
---
When I am sick and need to puke (sometimes a finger helps the process start) it all comes out like a sewage\-waterfall. There is a mountain of puke.

Yet when I force myself to puke after bingeing, it comes out like small, short, chunky glops??? If I fucking chug water, warm salty water, or sparkling water, the water just comes out first.

It makes the process so much more fun. Not lol.

---

do anorexics have more nightmares?
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Wed Jun 13 22:22:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qyz51/do_anorexics_have_more_nightmares/
---
i have nightmares almost every night. i can't always remember them but my bf says i say horrible things in my sleep and cry. sometimes they're so bad they wake me up and i can't fall back asleep. this happens several times a week.

---

Can we take a second to appreciate the excellence that is pea soup?
/u/asunshinefix
Created: Wed Jun 13 22:14:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qyxj9/can_we_take_a_second_to_appreciate_the_excellence/
---
Seriously, look at the [nutrition info] on this bad boy. And it's super filling, I have it as my OMAD a lot of the time. Even if you binge on the entire can it's only 550 calories. I kind of get obsessed with certain foods and just eat them over and over, anyone else do that? What do you eat on a regular basis?

---

[Rant/Rave] I just tried on pants and it was so much worse than I thought it would be.
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Wed Jun 13 22:03:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qyv9d/i_just_tried_on_pants_and_it_was_so_much_worse/
---
My hips are just so big and my legs are so short... and other pear shaped people out there relate? How do you make yourself feel better about it?

---

I’m sick not sick - Bulimic hypochondriac ?
/u/Joyoftheseason
Created: Wed Jun 13 21:37:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qypsy/im_sick_not_sick_bulimic_hypochondriac/
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Hello.

Okay so my goal is 135lbs by June 30th. I started at 152lbs May 8th and I’m at 142lbs now. I set my fitbit to basically have me eat 1000 than what I burn. I lost most of the weight fast now it seems like im barely losing. I have also been purging.

As ive been going my heart gets low on days I eat less than 1000 calories or like have a deficit of more than 1500 than what I burned in the day. Like my HR goes as low as 45 when im sleeping. I wake up achey. Sometimes I get dizzy and feel shitty too.

I miss the energy I had when I started. I don’t know what im doing wrong. How do people eat like 300 calories a day and feel fine when 900 makes me feel shitty? I hate being worried and scared all the time.

I know the obvious answer is “go see a doctor”, “get out while you still can”, but I like the way the weightloss is improving how I look and theres still a lot I would like to change.

Sometimes I fear though as overdramatic as I may be il drop dead from an electrolyte imbalance or when i finally tell like a doctor or something they will call me an idiot or something. I don’t think my psychologist is helping but I don’t bring up the ED because i dont want to get better. I’m not really sick enough to get better and its just an extra way to control my weight.

Anyways im venting because I hate being a hypochondriac. I hate overthinking and imagining symptoms thAt arent really there, and having dangerous behaviors thT fuel the hypochondria.

I just everything was easy and calm

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[Discussion] DAE feel triggered to binge when angry?
/u/strawberrysickness
Created: Wed Jun 13 21:27:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qynqe/dae_feel_triggered_to_binge_when_angry/
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Earlier today, I tried to make these oil\-free, sugar\-free, flourless brownies that I saw a recipe for on Tumblr. Long story short, they were absolutely terrible but they were 23 calories for a regular sized piece. My brother tried one and made a face the whole time it was in his mouth, with complete disregard to how I would feel about it. I asked if he didn't like it and he told me it was "fine at first but just got worse and worse the longer he tasted it." It wasn't the fact that he disliked the brownies that made me angry, but it was the complete lack of compassion or effort to spare my feelings. I was so angry I ate FIVE of those shitty brownies, a small spoonful of peanut butter, and some granola in the span of 5 minutes. At the time, it was fine because all of things fit in my intake. But, am I the only one who could just eat and eat and eat when they're angry?

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Can't eat pineapple to save my life
/u/2girly4me
Created: Wed Jun 13 21:08:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qyjjh/cant_eat_pineapple_to_save_my_life/
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I walked/jogged for an hour around my neighborhood. Near the end of the walk, when I was cooling down, I told myself to eat a pineapple slice when I get home.

Well I got home, took a short shower to wash off the sweat, and relaxed... I could only eat half of a pineapple slice (20 cal). I want to eat the rest, but it's frightening to put carbs in my body. I feel like I'm destroying myself eating fruit, but.... At the same time, I know I'm destroying myself by starving.

I don't know what was better, B/P'ing and eating maintenance. Or heavily restricting and having my metabolism slow.

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DAE get headaches when restricting?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Wed Jun 13 21:08:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qyjja/dae_get_headaches_when_restricting/
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It sucks and the only thing that really helps it is to eat. :(

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[Rant/Rave] Found this flavor at Walmart! 160 cal, 30g protein, 5g carbs, 3g fat. These make me stay full for a long time and actually give me a bit of energy. Drink half in AM, half in PM. Won’t break the bank either. Tastes like amazing dessert!
/u/professorsheepkitty
Created: Wed Jun 13 21:07:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qyj9c/found_this_flavor_at_walmart_160_cal_30g_protein/
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https://i.redd.it/lycss3stuv311.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] I want to starve myself to death
/u/pineapplesf
Created: Wed Jun 13 21:02:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qyi71/i_want_to_starve_myself_to_death/
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I came out as polyamorous to my husband. He isn't ok with it. He will never be ok with it. I've been stressing so much I've lost 10 lbs in a week and slept less than 10 hours. I feel like I messed up everything about our relationship. He doesn't want me to leave. He doesn't want me to be myself. He doesn't want me talking to anyone anymore because I might fall for them. He didn't want to see me cry and asked me leave. I have no where to go and nothing to do. He was my whole world. I ruined everything. I just want to... Wither away to nothing. Slowly. Painfully. Alone. Maybe that will atone for everything I've done to hurt him. I've never been in such a low place yet the first tool I grasp is my goddamn eating disorder. How pathetic is that.

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[Discussion] Aussie peaches?
/u/Riley_Andro
Created: Wed Jun 13 21:01:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qyhwg/aussie_peaches/
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Anyone on Peach who is from Aus? I'd love to chat :)

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So here’s a thing
/u/hannahbananapyjama
Created: Wed Jun 13 20:58:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qyhbh/so_heres_a_thing/
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My fiancé just complimented a waitresses’s shirt and she’s way skinner and smaller than me and I’m
Gonna
Fucking
Never eat again and die. :)
:)
!!!

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I threw up naturally after eating my first meal in 2 days
/u/queerasf0lk
Created: Wed Jun 13 20:40:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qyczn/i_threw_up_naturally_after_eating_my_first_meal/
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A few days ago I fell back into my ana habits but have forced myself to avoid mia. I haven't even a full meal in two days until I was forced to because it was a family dinner. I didn't even eat that much- 210 cals of pasta and marinara and I felt sick for hours after until I just threw up. I don't even know how to feel. I'm a bit worried bc I know I need some food but also glad bc I was hating myself for eating the pasta.

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didn't finish my plate for the first time in awhile. it was at a party. AND it was dessert!
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Wed Jun 13 20:34:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qybmc/didnt_finish_my_plate_for_the_first_time_in/
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woot!

I dunno about you guys but I was raised to finish my plate so much as a kid that I don't always stop to feel if I'm full. if there's still food left on my plate, I automatically keep eating. bleg.

tonight was game night at my place, and the guests brought a decadent chocolate tart. I feel really rude not trying out food that a guest brought so I had a slice with everyone (alongside some ACV tea which I've been loving lately) and you know what? I had half...and I was full. my chocolate craving was saited. which is a NUTS sentence for me since I have a crazy sweet tooth.

just celebrating a little win!

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Please help, feeling like a failure and stuck in a bad place
/u/aciddfairy
Created: Wed Jun 13 20:27:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qya06/please_help_feeling_like_a_failure_and_stuck_in_a/
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For the past month I have lost all control. I haven't been eating normal, but I have been binging uncontrollably on and off and not keeping track of or planning my intakes like I usually do/should be doing. I think it has a lot to do with my depression not motivating me to do anything whatsoever. Anyways, does anyone have any advice as to how to regain control and get back on schedule? I've reached my breaking point and i cannot keep living like this. Any input is appreciated. I'm sorry for ranting and asking this of people since I'm not really an active member of this subreddit, but I appreciate anything that anyone has to offer. Also, in case it helps context wise, I'm 5'7 college student, 183lbs with "ana" (quotes because I am way too overweight to consider myself to fit within what constitutes ana, and I know that 'it doesn't matter' but still). thank you.

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Went for a run but found stray cat
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Wed Jun 13 20:22:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qy8pc/went_for_a_run_but_found_stray_cat/
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I'm not sure what to do. I brought the cat back instead of going for the run. Not sure if I should keep her or not.

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Family triggering on purpose?
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Wed Jun 13 20:06:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qy4yk/family_triggering_on_purpose/
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Earlier I was walking with my sister & stupidly health & weight loss came up. I mentioned how I was still losing weight and plan to build muscle... and she screeches "where? Where do you have fat to loose" "what number do you have in mind" ... I just started to mumble and then she mentions the sandwich we ate earlier were like super high in calories..... (I mentioned I can't do 2k a day)... I literally wanted to die. I refuse to loose all the progress I've made. (I just looked up the sandwich it was under 700 calories at least :( :( She also dragged me into Walmart to look at bathsuits and idk it feels like hell. She also told me I need to do other exercises besides walking ...
She has her own issues with being overweight and I can't deal with her projecting... sorry this is rambling.. judt stressed on vacation....

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Social Security Disability + Anorexia Nervosa?
/u/Firerose157
Created: Wed Jun 13 20:02:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qy45k/social_security_disability_anorexia_nervosa/
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Anyone here on disability for their eating disorder/anorexia nervosa? I'm curious about the process and how plausible it is to receive disability for being underweight with an ED. Thanks!

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[Discussion] DAE feel way thinner the minute they start restricting?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Wed Jun 13 20:01:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qy3x1/dae_feel_way_thinner_the_minute_they_start/
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I was eating “normally” through all of March through May and have just gotten back into the swing of restricting. I think I gained 5ish pounds over that time (but I haven’t weighed) and could just FEEL myself getting heavier. Now that I’ve been restricting I feel like I look totally normal again. My thighs feel smaller, I feel like my bones are more prominent, and I look like I have abs again. But there’s no way I’ve lost more than two pounds since I started restricting. I don’t know if it’s in my head or if it’s because I’m not bloated and dehydrated but I feel so much better. Does anyone else feel this way?

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[Help] Do you plan binge days?
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Wed Jun 13 19:50:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qy143/do_you_plan_binge_days/
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I’ve been down to 400 this week and I really want my vice foods. But I don’t want to gain. But I’m worried I’ll break down and over indulge in them. So I was wondering how to plan a binge?

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[Other] Wish I had the self control I used to
/u/Scarab-Beetle
Created: Wed Jun 13 19:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxzc1/wish_i_had_the_self_control_i_used_to/
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I don’t hate food, in fact I enjoy it, but I hate what it does to me. It makes me nervous, and makes me hate myself. I thought I was losing weight, but I see my cellulite and I feel like I’ve gain 20 pounds instead of lost it.

I just feel like I don’t even belong here, I’m not sickly skinny, I’m just fat skinny. I don’t mean to discredit any person here who isn’t sickly skinny, this is purely what I think of myself. You beautiful souls don’t deserve this..this hatred towards your bodies. Sometimes I just wish I could cut it all off.

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what is your favorite ED related movie/show/book/song?
/u/alliwantisskinny
Created: Wed Jun 13 19:14:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxsy4/what_is_your_favorite_ed_related_movieshowbooksong/
---

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[Rant/Rave] Pizza and donuts are the hardest things to resist
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Wed Jun 13 19:06:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxr0r/pizza_and_donuts_are_the_hardest_things_to_resist/
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I used to work at Pizza Hut and before I started restricting my favorite breakfast was pizza, usually hand tossed with a combination of pepperoni, sausage, onions, or hot peppers, and Dunkin’ Donuts strawberry frosted donuts. Now I can’t eat that and it hurts. Maybe if I fasted the day before and planned it and that was it.
Today I ate out, my one meal of the day, and my mom got pizza with some of my favorite toppings. I really want it and every one I get water I’m reminded of it in the fridge. But I can’t have it. My max calories is 400. Tomorrow I might treat myself for finally breaking the 114.4 and get a donut. But I’m afraid to get it.

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[Tip] Pro-tip: frozen apples
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Wed Jun 13 19:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxqib/protip_frozen_apples/
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Are you, like me, unreasonably averse to eating one *entire apple* all at once? Well say hello to the solution to your problems- the freezer.

Seriously though, I love freezing fruit and apples are my new favorite. Pick up a bag of soft, mushy ones no one wants from the reduced section, cut them up into bite-sized chunks, and throw them in the freezer overnight. Voila.

It takes way longer to eat than a regular apple, you enjoy it more, and you're not obligated to eat the whole thing if you don't want to! They're also great in smoothies.

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[Help] NEED HELP
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Wed Jun 13 18:56:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxoji/need_help/
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so after leaving the hospital I lost some weight and now everyone’s talking about sending me back but it’s just so ugh. It’s like I don’t want to do this over and over again. Even if I did get to my UGW then fucking what? Get send into some shitty program and stay in the hospital for months. It’s like I don’t even want to lose weight anymore I just want to maintain. I don’t know how much I weigh, last time I checked I was 78. It’s like, I just want to be fucking happy but I can’t. So much is going on and I just can’t right now. TBH I hate what my life’s become, being controlled by everyone but me. I’ve literally been crying all night because I don’t want to do this all again. I just need some advice. What should I eat? What should I do? I honestly need to convince them im doing ok.


I know it’s late (not really it’s 8:55) but I need some advice

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[Other] Should I cut my hair or keep it?!?!
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Wed Jun 13 18:48:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxmnz/should_i_cut_my_hair_or_keep_it/
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So my hair is like up to my armpits ish right now and I feel like it's the perfect length for my body right now because I'm fat. I want to cut it up to my shoulders but I know that I will probably look even fatter if I did that because of my body skeleton and bf&#37; proportions. But then again my hair right now is so lifeless because I've been keeping it up every day and it's so ugly now. Cutting my hair will make me feel more lighter and like I'm starting a new chapter. I feel like I need a change but I don't want to look fatter (I know for SURE I will) \- this is the biggest issue. Should I cut it?!?! If not, what else should I do that changes my appearance?!

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[Help] Question about college sports/fitness; feedback appreciated!
/u/fxuk
Created: Wed Jun 13 18:31:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxira/question_about_college_sportsfitness_feedback/
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Hello, I’m a senior in high school graduating next week. I was looking online at my college’s athletic opportunities, like track & field but also fun classes like Zumba and the like. I read the descriptions for them and saw that they require a physical. I was excited to pursue these activities but now i’m nervous...what goes on at these physicals? Do they weigh you? Will i not be allowed to participate if i am underweight and will they like “report” me or something? Second guessing my future plans now....*sigh*

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I just got a promotion at work..
/u/Lexibee3
Created: Wed Jun 13 18:31:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxilw/i_just_got_a_promotion_at_work/
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And the thing I’m most excited about is the fact that this promotion comes with my own office. I can finally shut my office door and eat in peace without coworkers making comments on what I am or am not eating. It will be such a relief.

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[Rant/Rave] up 10lbs in todays weigh in
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Wed Jun 13 18:25:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxhaf/up_10lbs_in_todays_weigh_in/
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i get weighed randomly at the ED clinic i go to and today i made the mistake of facing the scale on a day that i KNEW i wouldn't like what i saw. 112lbs. the rational part of my brain knows that its because i haven't pooped in a week on top of the fact that i'm pmsing (i lost my period awhile ago but i still bloat around the time i would normally get my period). plus my legs/feet/tummy are visibly and painfully swollen from water retention. despite this i still feel like a failure. i've been restricting at 800cals without a binge in nearly a month so i know actual weight gain is impossible but i still feel paranoid. man ED's suck.

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Panicking
/u/baconislyfe99
Created: Wed Jun 13 18:11:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxdwo/panicking/
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So I was in a bike crash today... and I broke a couple ribs. At this point I am panicking about how to not go back into high restriction but my brains already going there. Lately I’ve been burning about 2600 calories during my workouts according to my HR monitor, and eating about 1000-1200 max of super clean foods. Exercising that much is honestly the only way I have been able to justify eating so much, because now that it’s Summer and I’m currently living back at home I have family paying attention to my eating habits. So exercising a ton has been the only way to keep my ED monster at bay. Now that I won’t be able to ride/run/walk for hours or do body weight exercises for a few weeks I’m already completely panicking about food and gaining weight again. I want to just fast until I can exercise again but part of me is SO MAD and devastated with myself for not even being able to eat like a normal person without having to exercise for 4 hours a day. Why is there absolutely no middle ground?? Sigh. I burned 600 calories today on my ride before I crashed and I am already in an anxiety attack meltdown that I hit 1000 calories already today. I hate being like this. I wish I could just have a normal relationship with food.

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[Tip] Gained ~20lbs this winter due to binging — any tips on how to move past this ‘eternal fuck-it’ phase so I can start losing again?
/u/voyage__x
Created: Wed Jun 13 18:03:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxbxi/gained_20lbs_this_winter_due_to_binging_any_tips/
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Semi-rant but am also definitely looking for some advice, too.

A year ago, I was five pounds away from my UGW. Fast forward to today, where after 12 months of Holiday treats, comfort food for those cold Winter nights, plus many stress binges (and boredom binges, and celebratory binges... you get the idea), I’m about 20 pounds heavier. All those shirts that I was mad at last summer because I was swimming in them? Oh, no need to worry about that now, they’re as snug as a sausage casing.

Have any of you ever been in a binge phase where you would wake up everyday with the intention to restrict, only to find yourself mere hours later with boxes of pizza and candy wrappers around you like it was going out of style? Or, better yet, binge food that you don’t even like but would eat just to fill the void inside you? That’s been me this winter. I’ve eaten pasta with chocolate syrup (I was trying to be like Elf okay), bowls upon bowls of barely-cooked pasta noodles, stale bread, mayonnaise by the spoonful, etc. etc. I’ve stolen way more of my family’s food than a person ever should, and 90% of my financial purchases were to order.. you guessed it, binge food. Glamorous life of having an eating disorder.

Anywho, I no longer fit in any of my clothes and I am so unrecognizable from what I used to look like that I am embarrassed to go out in public. Any attempts of restriction just end in a binge since I think, “Ugh, I’m fat now anyways, who cares?”
I really do want to get back to my old weight — at this point, I don’t even care if I don’t reach my UGW for a while. I just want to be where I was. If you’ve gained quite a bit of weight back due to binging yet somehow lost it again, how did you do it? How long did it take you?

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Help!! Binge ate all week long now I have a really important thing to me I can’t reschedule this Friday.. is there a way to cut out face bloatiness like FAST? I feel like it’s extremely noticeable!
/u/mariasharapobitch
Created: Wed Jun 13 17:59:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qxav9/help_binge_ate_all_week_long_now_i_have_a_really/
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Haaaaalp. I know it can’t just be in my head, someone even confirmed it for me! When I’m not restricted my face swells up overnight and especially along my jawline, neck. I really want to enjoy my fancy schmancy date Friday I’ve been waiting for even after this binge cycle.. but I can’t unless I feel NOT like a potato. Does anyone have a good trick for dropping water weight or whatever the fuck is on me right now quick??

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[Discussion] DAE feel like short hair makes them look bigger?
/u/lyhndzie
Created: Wed Jun 13 17:55:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qx9vr/dae_feel_like_short_hair_makes_them_look_bigger/
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My hair is extremely damaged and I want to cut it all off and start fresh. But I’m so scared that taking my hair away will make me look fatter. Ugh why can’t I be normal?

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[Rant/Rave] Feels like I've sold my soul.
/u/BurningThruMyVeins
Created: Wed Jun 13 17:49:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qx8hn/feels_like_ive_sold_my_soul/
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Today is my birth into this lovely community. I've been lurking since November, steadily watching that subscriber count grow (I remember when it was in the 16,000's!), and today I decided it was time to join your voices. I've felt support from this sub for so many months now just as an onlooker, but as my ED progressively worsens, I am finding that I need to actually join the dialogue now, as there really isn't anyone in my life who gets it as much as the people here do...

Where do I begin? I grew up always being told how petite, skinny, tiny I was. How I was lucky to have a fast metabolism. I loathed PE. I was an artsy kid. I had zero interest in exercise. And I ate what I wanted. I maintained 100 \- 105 all through high school effortlessly. All the while people reinforced my skinniness to me. "Take advantage of that metabolism while you can!" And I certainly did. I never had a second thought about my weight and knew nothing about calories.

My junior year of college, I gained up to 127 by the end of the year, and honestly didn't really notice it much? At 20 years old, and my highest weight and body fat percentage ever, I was actually the most confident ever (weird how that works). But soon after, I started dating my then\-boyfriend, eventually\-husband, now ex\-husband. Moved to California to be with him. And it was really then that this shit all began. (Also, I realize there will be people who read "127" and eye roll at me. But when so much of your identity revolves around being the "skinny kid," an almost 30 pound gain is pretty daunting).

Honestly, it started seemingly innocently. I wanted to lose some of the weight. Living in California makes you hyper aware of you body image, and things were really rocky with my boyfriend, so my self\-esteem was in the shitter. I started with Beachbody workouts and logging food in MFP. Got down to 112 and felt GREAT. Then the dreaded yo\-yoing began...

It's been 6 years of this back and forth...in June 2014, I got into weight\-lifting, but I never fed myself properly because honestly? I went through a 6 month bulk phase, got back up to 124, and pretty much got some sort of PTSD from it where I was terrified to get fat again. I'd say 36 out of those 48 months, I was eating 1200 or less. I spent a year cutting down to 105 (by March of 2016) to get rid of the weight from the bulk, then I reverse\-dieted for a bit and felt really good about my body for a little while. Loosened up on my control, and yo\-yoed through the fall and winter. Cut back down to 105 in April 2017, then binge ate my way back to idk what because I was too scared to look. That was a year ago. June 19th, 2017 was when my latest stint with cutting started, and the downward trend has been successful since. Nearly a year later, and I am at 103 (though I AM up from 98lbs in February). Since November (when I finally decided it was time to divorce my husband and he moved out), my ED has become a full blown mess. I average an intake of \<500 half of the time. 30&#37; of the time, I am between 500 and 1,100. 20&#37; of the time, I binge between 2,500 and, on a realllllyyyy bad day, 8,000.

But the last couple months, my control is weakening. I find myself using food any time my cortisol rises. It's a stress response, and once I break the seal, it's like I can't stop. I regularly practice IF, and this year especially have gotten more into OMAD, but it's exacerbating the fact that I don't remember how to eat like a normal human. I am literally incapable of it. Hence the naming of this thread. It's a trap \-\- a never ending cycle that I feel like I will be stuck in forever.

I feel like ever since I committed to dieting, to learning about tracking calories and macros, I can't unsee it. I can't "eat intuitively." I can't just maintain. It's either starve or feast, and the in\-between is so, so, so hard. 1,200 calories scares me now. I have to eat under 1,000 to feel comfortable. And if I can't manage to do an under 500 day, I often feel like a failure. I feel like I justify big binges by starving through the week, and I've been able to lose or maintain weight for the most part this way when it stays a once a week thing. But, as it always seems to do, that switch in my brain feels like it is about to turn back, as the binges are getting more and more frequent now, and I am terrified. I have worked so hard to get down to this point, where none of my smallest size pants fit, and I have a prominent thigh gap. I don't want to see it close again. I really, really, really don't. But some days I feel so depressed that the only dopamine I get is from eating. It's hard and exhausting.

I am sorry this was so long\-winded \-\- and this is the short version! I feel like I could go on and on. I hope I didn't break any of the rules with this post (sorry in advance if I did). I just feel so low today. And I needed to finally reach out.

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[Rant/Rave] Doesn’t eat all day .... then at 8pm consumes 1000 calories in 5 minutes...
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Wed Jun 13 17:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qx8dv/doesnt_eat_all_day_then_at_8pm_consumes_1000/
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Jeez... things shift quickly 🤦‍♂️

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[Other] I would like to introduce you all to Josie, my anti-binge (and other harmful habits) baby!
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Wed Jun 13 17:36:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qx5jn/i_would_like_to_introduce_you_all_to_josie_my/
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https://i.redd.it/5qdukqz1tu311.jpg

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[Discussion] my triggers are dumb
/u/ventingdumbass
Created: Wed Jun 13 17:32:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qx4sh/my_triggers_are_dumb/
---
literally the smallest things trigger me. i’m going to list them now, so don’t read if you think you could be triggered. this is a warning.
- seeing “skinny girl” popcorn in the store
- mega stuffed oreos
- seeing the nutrition facts on things
- apple cider vinegar
in general i’m just stupid and fed up with myself. that’s it

---

[Rant/Rave] Well That Escalated Quickly
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Wed Jun 13 17:16:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qx0yw/well_that_escalated_quickly/
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I have been restricting heavily for a couple of weeks with fairly good results but last night my daughter attempted suicide (she’s fine, thankfully) and we spent 18 hours in the ER before she was transferred to a unit for care.

After going close to 40 hours without sleep, and being afraid I would literally faint of exhaustion and restriction, I basically just started cramming protein bars in my mouth, followed by egg salad, mac and cheese, soft white bread, and chocolate. Now I’m exhausted, worried sick and feeling like I want to puke up this mess of highly processed, high-salt, high-sugar, high-fat food.

I’m trying to tell myself that everything will be fine - she’s getting treatment, I can recover, tomorrow’s a new day, but I just want to go to bed and never wake up.

---

Has anyone lived off diet drinks?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Wed Jun 13 17:06:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qwy6t/has_anyone_lived_off_diet_drinks/
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I may do this cause tbh I can’t stand the guilt from eating, but has anyone live off diet drinks? I bought lots of diet ginger ale, diet dr.pepper and diet 7 up.

I really need some replies because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore, I’d probably piss a lot though.

---

ED is ruining my future
/u/daintydollll
Created: Wed Jun 13 16:57:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qww0l/ed_is_ruining_my_future/
---
I have always wanted to be a mom. That's what I have always dreamed of doing. I worry that my eating disorder has ruined that for me because I lost my period for a year and ever since they haven't been the same. I worry that I'm infertile now. I have been on birth control but have a tendency to forget and for 3 years I haven't ever gotten pregnant.
does anyone else relate? I don't even know if this is the right place to post this.

---

[Help] The weight on your driver’s license.
/u/headandcolder
Created: Wed Jun 13 16:52:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qwuwe/the_weight_on_your_drivers_license/
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Oh god, I want to get a new license every six months because every weight I’ve tried to list has driven me INSANE. If it’s lower than my real weight, I feel humiliated because I’m fatter in real life and also scared because someone might really catch on to my ED. If I say my weight is higher on my license, the fat fucking number screams at me every time I open my wallet. (I can’t even see my license when I open it, I just think about it.) And it’s impossible to stay the exact same weight all the time, even if my ED wasn’t getting in the way.

What do you say on your license, and what kinds of things do you tell yourself to make the PUBLIC WEIGHT NUMBER less horrible?

---

[Help] How should I lose weight without exercising?
/u/jaclynct
Created: Wed Jun 13 16:39:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qwrkj/how_should_i_lose_weight_without_exercising/
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I understand that this has probably been asked a million times but what is everyone’s best tips on how to lose weight and lose fat without working out? I am 5’3 & 123 pounds if that helps. How many calories should I consume to lose weight without exercise? Thanks

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[Help] MFP down???
/u/vucio72
Created: Wed Jun 13 16:37:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qwqzd/mfp_down/
---
Is it down for anyone else? ahhh I hate this

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[Rant/Rave] short vent
/u/serketcircuit
Created: Wed Jun 13 16:31:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qwpgl/short_vent/
---
i hate........being triggered by totally innocuous stuff. like not even little comments about stuff that normal people think are innocuous but just! a totally normal conversation about clothing, that has nothing to do with weight or size at all, which just randomly spiraled my train of thought into ed bullshit

theres no reason for this

---

What's your vice?
/u/emptywithyou
Created: Wed Jun 13 16:15:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qwl41/whats_your_vice/
---
Booze, drugs, risky behaviour, you name it.

For me - I basically live on tequila, caffeine and ephedrine. Some weed here and there. And I'll ski whenever possible. (Never hooked, but boy oh boy can I hit the slopes.)

I used to shoplift (big stores only), but that's not really as much of a thing now that I have more disposable income.

Tell me I'm not the only one willing to 'fess up to shitty sublimation tactics!

---

Mom ordered pizza AND dessert
/u/strawberrysickness
Created: Wed Jun 13 16:10:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qwjxu/mom_ordered_pizza_and_dessert/
---
How am I supposed to look like a normal person when I have to conquer two different fear foods in one meal? I'm actually going to gain three pounds in one day. It's 210 kcal for one piece of pizza and 190 kcal for one piece of brownie. In the past, I usually eat a lot of either. I'm dreading it now. Now, I think I could only safely manage one piece of either and two pieces is what looks normal. Ugh.

---

[Help] Talking to a girl with an ED, pls advise me
/u/hhya98
Created: Wed Jun 13 15:51:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qweor/talking_to_a_girl_with_an_ed_pls_advise_me/
---
Hey,

I’m currently talking to a girl with an eating disorder, she’s eating so little that she’s fainting and being taken to hospital (twice).

She says she’s going to eat more but I want to know what I can do to help her and what I shouldn’t say. I’m trying to support her but I need to know what I shouldn’t say to her mostly, pls help advise me.

Thanks ;)

---

DAE stop feeling hungry after a while?
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Wed Jun 13 15:51:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qwele/dae_stop_feeling_hungry_after_a_while/
---
Since Monday 6:30 pm I've only eaten two crackers and a few carrots and it's almost midnight here (which means it'll be Thursday in 15 minutes) I know I should eat because this is incredibly unhealthy to do, but I just don't feel very hungry. Every time I tell myself that I *have* to eat something now, but then I don't know what to eat because nothing seems good or tasty enough to waste calories on. Does anyone else experience something like this or is it just me?

---

My coworker can wrap her apron around her waist more times than me.
/u/wowveryaccount
Created: Wed Jun 13 15:50:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qwe8l/my_coworker_can_wrap_her_apron_around_her_waist/
---
I'm 6'4" and male, she's 5'2". I want to hack myself to pieces, cry, and eat everything in this entire restaurant. Fuck me lmao

---

I'm sitting here, crying, eating a Quest Bar.
/u/Atsugaruru
Created: Wed Jun 13 15:46:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qwd59/im_sitting_here_crying_eating_a_quest_bar/
---
I just got a box of these that I ordered a few weeks ago. The texture of these bars makes me gag, and they're so absolutely revolting that I feel like I'm going to throw up when I eat them. I opened the bar and the smell was enough to make me flinch.


But here I am, sitting on my couch, crying and eating this thing. I'm so scared of eating anything else because the macros don't seem worth it. I only had 10 grams of protein yesterday and I started crying because I don't want to lose muscle mass. Nothing else seems worth eating because the macros to calorie ratio are shit. I miss real food so badly, but I'm too scared to eat it. I wish I wasn't fucking terrified of food.

---

FUCK YOU, PEPSI
/u/untroubledbyaspark
Created: Wed Jun 13 14:59:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qw00r/fuck_you_pepsi/
---
I just chugged ~1/3 can of fucking Pepsi because some asshat thought it would be a good idea to put it in white cans and make it look like diet coke. And I'm running around at work so I can't even purge. But I feel so ill I might throw up by accident anyway.

I want to find whoever came up with this packaging and kill them slowly by slicing them repeatedly with shards of can. And that's a kinder fate than they deserve.

Seriously. Fuck you, Pepsi.

---

[Help] A question I want to ask the users here but am too afraid to ask on my main account
/u/FitTaste
Created: Wed Jun 13 14:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qvt0u/a_question_i_want_to_ask_the_users_here_but_am/
---
So I've read a lot of posts on here about getting satisfaction from being skinnier than their friends, cooking for/feeding other people and not eating themselves, and in general just comparing weight and appearance to other people and feeling good when you are smaller than others. Do you guys get that same sense of satisfaction from seeing another user's stats that are a heavier weight or higher bmi than you? In the same vain, does anyone get bitter when they see a user with 'thinner' stats? don't get me wrong, I have an overweight bmi and am fatter than the majority of the people here are thinner than me. I know that when you have an eating disorder you compare yourself to others a lot, especially to other people with eating disorders

---

[Rant/Rave] This day sucks already
/u/peanutbutterbananaa
Created: Wed Jun 13 14:29:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qvre5/this_day_sucks_already/
---
About to start my period so I’m in binge mode and I’ve already had 180 calories worth of bread???

Decided to take some laxatives, oh wait, I can’t find them anywhere. :(

I also look huge and bloated and gross. This day is horrible and I want to crawl in my bed and sleep forever.

---

[Rant/Rave] “I wish I was anorexic”
/u/YourLocalSloth
Created: Wed Jun 13 14:22:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qvpbl/i_wish_i_was_anorexic/
---
My mother, literal minutes after my diagnosis of an eating disorder. Lol, thanks for the support.

I honestly can’t fathom the idea of “wanting to be anorexic”. It just sounds so stupid to want to be mentally ill.

Another thing, she had an eating disorder when she was younger. I honestly don’t understand what’s going through her mind.

(Sorry if this seems scattered. I have a lot on my mind)

---

Just bought a size 10
/u/DenyMyHunger
Created: Wed Jun 13 14:17:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qvo2z/just_bought_a_size_10/
---
I've posted this on peach literally 2 mins ago so sorry for the repetition if you have me on there!! I've lost just over 50lbs since January and was a UK size 20 (US size 16) and have just bought a UK size 10 (US size 6) jacket!!

I'm NOT a 10 so it's probably vanity sizing but I don't care. I have a size 10 in my closet!! 🎉

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate the sun
/u/holdmecloser_letmego
Created: Wed Jun 13 13:51:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qvgl6/i_hate_the_sun/
---
I’ve been feeling pretty good after having lost about 5 lbs in a little over a week... then I went on vacation with my family. I’ve bloated like a mf’er, and now there is a distinct tan line where my chubbiness folds over my belly button and I can’t fucking stop looking at it and being extremely upset pls help

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[Rant/Rave] Stop commenting on people’s weight.
/u/GetToTheStore
Created: Wed Jun 13 13:38:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qvcqg/stop_commenting_on_peoples_weight/
---
I have a coworker mention that I had lost weight and looked “good”. My weight has actually gone up like 15 pounds. I’ve been trying so hard to not go back into full blown restriction and make healthy choices, go slow and steady.
My stupid brain meat is telling me his comment was actually a dig about my fat ass and I shouldn’t have had breakfast and I should have worked out harder yesterday, maybe I shouldn’t eat dinner tonight, maybe smelling food with make me fat...
It would just be better if he hadn’t said anything about my looks.
Thanks, I needed a place to rant. ❤️

---

How to fast when you live with your SO?
/u/rougoku
Created: Wed Jun 13 13:37:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qvcic/how_to_fast_when_you_live_with_your_so/
---
I have anxiety and have food restricted before. Constantly looking at my stomach and seeing if it’s flat or not. When I started taking anxiety medicine, it reduced my appetite to nothing which I loved. However, my appetite came back and now I feel fat as fuck all the time especially in the swimsuit weather.

I recently moved in with my SO. Before I lived by myself, and barely eating/counting calories was all good because he wasn’t over my shoulder all the time. I want to start fasting, but worried about him noticing. Any suggestions?

---

[Help] How do you guys deal with/stop emotional eating?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Wed Jun 13 13:00:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qv1h4/how_do_you_guys_deal_withstop_emotional_eating/
---
I argue with my boyfriend every day and it’s super triggering. If I don’t eat I feel like I’m drowning in bad feelings but I don’t have any other outlet. What to do?

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Stranger had enough self control for the both of us.
/u/silencx
Created: Wed Jun 13 12:57:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qv0nq/stranger_had_enough_self_control_for_the_both_of/
---
So there I was, sitting in the corner of my university's dining hall, stuffing my fat face with waffles and ice cream and cake and you get the idea (finals stress got me good) when I see this drop dead gorgeously skinny girl walk in. Now, I don't know if this is a thing most schools do, but mine puts up little cards with nutritional information by each of the dishes being served. In any case, the girl took pass through the serving area, scanning each one (as I have often done), and even went through the little fridge thing we have with milk alternatives, turning each of the cartons to see their labels. She briefly paused at the dessert table (I hope I wasn't staring too obviously; I just really wanted to see what she was gonna get) but then proceeded to the fountain drink machine, filled up the bottle she had with water, and left. Just like that. I mean, for all I know she was just looking through the labels for a certain allergen or macros or something along those lines, but, either way, seeing that level of apparent self control in someone was just really inspiring. It 100% snapped me out of the crazed, human food-vacuum mode I was in, so thank you Miss Mystery Skinny Girl!

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my girlfriend is skinnier than i am and it makes me want to kill myself.
/u/ventingdumbass
Created: Wed Jun 13 12:54:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8quzqc/my_girlfriend_is_skinnier_than_i_am_and_it_makes/
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i’m about to fast for three days and overexercise, anyone have any advice? :)

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[Discussion] Sleep Calories vs. Awake Calories
/u/lye-locks
Created: Wed Jun 13 12:54:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8quzl9/sleep_calories_vs_awake_calories/
---
So last night I ended up only sleeping for 2 hours which got me thinking about sleep and calories burned. In my mind, I had thought that we burn calories at a higher rate when awake and active vs. sleeping. From what I've read this seems to be true, but I recently also read that when we aren't sleeping enough our body stores calories for longer to reserve energy. Any thoughts or experiences with this?

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[Discussion] Protein
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Wed Jun 13 12:51:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8quysv/protein/
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Looking for easy ways to take in protein and fat that won’t take me over 800 calories. I’m technically in recovery but old habits are dying hard. Not ready to give up the amount I eat but would like to switch it up.

Today’s meal as an example:
Breakfast: coffee/water

Lunch:
1/2 cup baked chicken
1/4 cup brown rice
Cup of steamed kale, mushrooms, tomatoes, black beans and zucchini
One falafel (no sauce)
Two dried dates
Cup of stove popped popcorn

Snack: something with dark chocolate

Dinner: two hard boiled eggs, one slice of pepperoni

This is all much more than I’ve done in the past. Fighting the urge to decrease what I’ve eaten because written out that looks like an insane amount. Any tips on switching out with food high in fats or protein? I don’t eat dairy or red meat.

---

[Discussion] anyone else here bitter about the fact they can't make themselves throw up?
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Wed Jun 13 12:51:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8quysb/anyone_else_here_bitter_about_the_fact_they_cant/
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I have no gag reflex, I haven't thrown up since I was about 5. I some pretty horrific food poisoning in Thailand, and was in the hospital on returning home to the UK. The nurses were amazed I didn't throw up once, or get the urge too. I will drink hard liquor until I can't stand up, but I still won't throw up.

There are so many times I want to binge and then make myself feel better by purging, but I just can't. A blessing and a curse, I guess.

---

DAE sometimes feel too fat to be here?
/u/nihilistatari
Created: Wed Jun 13 12:49:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8quy67/dae_sometimes_feel_too_fat_to_be_here/
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I have a 21.7 BMI. I eat way more than your average person with an ED. I'm currently 117 pounds at 5'1.

I feel so ashamed and dumb to even be here. I love food so much but I just WANT to hate it. I used to be 130 pounds but slowly got done after months of restricting, but, it's just not even close to enough. I'm still fat in the terms of everyone else here.
If I told anyone IRL I had an ED, they wouldn't believe me.

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[Other] Itchy collar bones?
/u/daintydaisydoll
Created: Wed Jun 13 12:48:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8quy15/itchy_collar_bones/
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This might sound weird, but ever since my collar bones started poking through they feel itchy fairly often. Does anyone else have this? If so is there a reason? Is it all in my head? I don't really find the itching bothersome just curious.

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And then all the food became painfully boring
/u/skinnyhero
Created: Wed Jun 13 12:19:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qupbu/and_then_all_the_food_became_painfully_boring/
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It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Mostly because I’ve been making steps towards trying to heal. Mostly because I found a physical activity I love and want to fuel it. But a brand new symptom has shown up. All food is now very very boring. Like nothing excites me. Everything looks like plastic.

Has this happened to anyone??

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just need a little input
/u/emileanbean
Created: Wed Jun 13 11:54:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8quhqj/just_need_a_little_input/
---
after a full year of pushing through recovery, recently i picked up my ed habits and am on my 3rd day of fasting again. i put on 20lbs of weight in the last year and am too insecure to even see my friends because of it..my social anxiety sky rockets everywhere i go because i know i’ve put on weight. i don’t want to leave my room some days.

when i fast i usually shed quickly but this time i haven’t, only down a single lb. i drink plenty of water a day and take about a 3 mile walk with my dog at night, is there anything else i could do to quickly lose the weight again? excerise harder? i don’t want to make myself yak anymore, it hurts my throat too bad.

last thing: does anyone know if smoking weed effects any of this? i smoke a bit every day and a lot of the time it suppresses my hunger.

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[Other] A nearly empty fridge is one of the few things that makes me truly happy. Is that weird?
/u/savethebabyfood
Created: Wed Jun 13 11:53:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8quhgk/a_nearly_empty_fridge_is_one_of_the_few_things/
---
https://i.redd.it/xluenr534t311.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Male friends telling me I should start squatting --> ya girl is triggered
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Wed Jun 13 11:50:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qugmb/male_friends_telling_me_i_should_start_squatting/
---
I have a few people in my life who tell me I should start squatting. I hate it. Like you're literally telling me you want me to change my body so that my ass is better??? For who??? For you?? I don't understand why this is socially acceptable. This is a perfect reflection of people growing up with Instagram and superficial shit surrounding working out and they soak it up and say "oh, sadbitchaccount, you should try to look more like her" 5'6 131 lbs so I'm not fat by their standards?? I already have an ass, much to my own dismay. When will anyone be good enough for you sacks of shit?? Like why don't YOU start squatting?? How about that???

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[Rant/Rave] i can’t stop binging
/u/katieburrito
Created: Wed Jun 13 11:47:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qufly/i_cant_stop_binging/
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i’ve literally been in a constant binge for like a week now and i can’t stop. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how this can be fixed. i’m chronically tired and work all the time and we sell food where i work. today i bought a bag of white cheddar puffed corn and ate like 2/3s of it when i already had a healthy lunch and i wasn’t even hungry. what the fuck is wrong with me. i just want this to end.

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Wanting to recover, but scared
/u/deathconscious
Created: Wed Jun 13 11:36:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qucme/wanting_to_recover_but_scared/
---
My weight has been fluctuating a lot the past month or so. Today my weigh is the lowest I've ever been since getting to this height, sub 120. I didn't even feel happy, but really guilty for some reason? i still have my period so I feel like I'm not even "sick enough" to want to recover. I just want to stop constantly thinking about food and always tired/anemic. I don't even look good at this weight, I'll never be one of those tiny short girls I aspire to be. To get skinny legs I'd probably need to get below 110. I feel like I'm at a standstill with myself, trying to figure out what I want.

---

so im just wondering
/u/-sadgarden
Created: Wed Jun 13 11:10:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qu4y3/so_im_just_wondering/
---
how do yall stay social?
i often see here someone mention their SO or friends and im wondering how you guys manage to keep someone around while having an unfortunatly very isolating illness.

do you speak open about your problems/troubles or just pretend to be fine to just keep the relationship alive?

i had problems comunicating with others even before i showed signs of an ed so it might be the case that i was in a disadvantage from the start.

is there even a chance for me to find good friends now?

---

My mom got McDonald’s
/u/stephen673
Created: Wed Jun 13 10:55:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qu0f3/my_mom_got_mcdonalds/
---
Well my mom got McDonald’s today and I had a Big Mac and fries and I honestly didn’t feel bad eating it where is my guilt is it delayed or something??? I did pour out the coke though because too much sugar, not for ED reasons. Uhhh is this recovery LOL

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[Other] Proposal for a proED circlejerk sub called r slash breatharian
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Wed Jun 13 10:37:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qtv2t/proposal_for_a_proed_circlejerk_sub_called_r/
---
https://i.redd.it/hwc58b4fqs311.jpg

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I just want to stop eating!!
/u/wishfulthinkings
Created: Wed Jun 13 10:10:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qtnif/i_just_want_to_stop_eating/
---
I'm so fed up with my head. I want to restrict so bad but my head literally just thinks about food 24/7. I just want to stop. I cave every day and just stuff my face. I worked super hard for 2 years to get down to 135, my lowest adult weight only to ruin it all and jump back up to almost 160. I hate myself so much right now.

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Randomly ran across this looking for an unrelated image-- I was a bit stunned trying to imagine living a life where your disorder is also your livelihood.
/u/Noroeste
Created: Wed Jun 13 09:36:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qtd92/randomly_ran_across_this_looking_for_an_unrelated/
---
https://i.imgur.com/usATyTI.jpg

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Can you be bulimic without vomiting?
/u/FrankWest21CP
Created: Wed Jun 13 09:34:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qtcv4/can_you_be_bulimic_without_vomiting/
---
Hi all. First post here. 19M. I've had a history with being deathly afraid of getting fat, and today things escalated a bit.

I finished a particularly exhausting day of work and decided that I deserve a treat. So I bought a six-pack of reese's big cups and ate every single one of them in the car. Cue the "Oh no I'm gonna get fat" panic.

I felt my sides expanding. I felt a double chin growing. My brain starting yelling at me to vomit when I got home so I can avoid getting fat. I decided not to do that when I got home. Instead, I took a laxative suppository. When that didn't produce good enough results, I used a second one.

I feel more.....pure, I guess? Probably gonna not eat anything else today just to be safe.

Is it possible to be bulimic with laxative abuse only or do you also have to vomit?

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Proud of myself...20 day fast completed
/u/angelinarollie
Created: Wed Jun 13 09:00:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qt31j/proud_of_myself20_day_fast_completed/
---
Just completed a 20 day fast I lost 25 pounds(yes I know some is water)!!!! It was so hard and caused so much tension bc my family was suspicious about not seeing me eat ever, but I made it. Now I will slowly work up to my maintenance amount of calories so on Father’s Day which is this Sunday I’ll be able to eat a few meals in front of the whole family when we all get together and make them feel like I’m somewhat normal. Then Monday I’m starting a six day fast again !

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I don't know if anyone will relate
/u/Renegade_always_was
Created: Wed Jun 13 08:59:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qt2pb/i_dont_know_if_anyone_will_relate/
---
So this is the first time i have truely been single in 3 years, and im activley trying to not be (ie tinder, bumble, her). But i get into this really weird headspace while doing this, like my ED is getting worse. Being attracted to women and having an ED is a very interesting combination; i run into the situation alot of finding myself not knowing wether i want to be with someone or to have their body type. Im also very self consious of my size in comparison to who i am dating (i tend to be attracted to very small framed girls). Its just a whole mess of a situation. Sorry for the rant.

---

Which foods satisfy you the most?
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Wed Jun 13 08:28:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qsunp/which_foods_satisfy_you_the_most/
---
Title. For me it has to be apples

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(NSFW) Long-lasting erection while heavy restricting?
/u/2girly4me
Created: Wed Jun 13 08:07:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qsp1m/nsfw_longlasting_erection_while_heavy_restricting/
---
I'm a transgender woman, and I haven't had surgery (which means I still have a penis). Erections bother me, but they usually don't happen, probably like once or twice a month. But I've went from midly restricting to heavy restriction and I noticed my .. thing.. has been very stiff for 10 hours overnight. I went to sleep about midnight, and it was stiff then. Now it's still stiff, but not as much.

I've been supplementing sodium/potassium just to be cautious and drinking enough fluids. But my heartrate was lower than ever last night, my fitbit reported my lowest heart rate was 45. I had to eat something to fall asleep (just 2 pineapple slices).

Is having a longer erection or increased blood flow to the genitals normal when you're anorexic? Idk, maybe I'm just freaking out over the smallest things cause I'm trying to not die.

---

Tried an Ephedrine with my Morning Coffee Today
/u/lightningspree
Created: Wed Jun 13 08:05:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qsofr/tried_an_ephedrine_with_my_morning_coffee_today/
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Just 8mg, so pretty light. I’m feeling a bit perkier than usual, a bit less ravenous - but the biggest thing I’ve noticed is that I’m not COLD. I’m usually always freezing, and here I am in sandals in my air conditioned building not feeling completely chilled to the bone!

---

Not related to ED, but I honestly wish I can lay in my bed doing nothing (including eating) but I have to get up early and work til the weekends
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Wed Jun 13 07:49:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qsk9i/not_related_to_ed_but_i_honestly_wish_i_can_lay/
---

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So my dumb ass just tried to hide my Russell's sign using brown sharpie
/u/tinyfleabite
Created: Wed Jun 13 07:26:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qsegw/so_my_dumb_ass_just_tried_to_hide_my_russells/
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So I'm brown and sometimes need a hand getting my dinner out. Apparently I've grown a lovely little white callus right on my knuckle and my friend called me out on it. I tried to sharpie over it, because I thought *oh, I'm brown, this should cover things up, right*?

Wrong.

Now it looks like I've highlighted my hand and it's even more obvious than it would be had I done nothing. And I can't wash it off bc that'll irritate the area even more and make it inflamed. Not like I haven't tingled my teachers' mandatory reporting spidey senses in literally every other way as well.

Can't wait for the "your daughter's a suicidal drug addicted mess" phone calls my parents are going to receive if someone notices.

---

The hard truth may be told to you by a concerned coworker...
/u/Shelbs1996
Created: Wed Jun 13 07:02:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qs8km/the_hard_truth_may_be_told_to_you_by_a_concerned/
---
I really woke up this morning trying to have a good positive day but as soon as I get to work one of the older ladies pulls me to the side and proceeds to ask me if I'm pregnant and when I told her I'm not she tells me she has noticed me gaining alot of weight and that whatever I'm doing I need to stop it. She asked me if I've been stressed or whatnot and I could tell that she genuinely is trying to help me but dang the truth hurts sometimes. She may have just saved me from myself I guess only time will tell. 😢😢😢

---

[Rant/Rave] Scared to weigh but need to
/u/pelicandreaming
Created: Wed Jun 13 07:01:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qs8fy/scared_to_weigh_but_need_to/
---
Sorry I just need to get this out somewhere. I’ve been on a trip for a week now and haven’t had access to a scale and I’ve been trying so hard to restrict or at least maintain but it has been so difficult with friends wanting to eat out every meal plus desserts and god knows what other shit I was pressured into eating. I’m going to be home later and I’m so scared to weigh because if I gained (which I most definitely did) I’m going to be a damn mess. I was hoping to be below 100 by the 13th but chances are I’m back up to 110 after this shit. Pray for me lmfao

---

[Help] indian food recommendations?
/u/pistachiocreams
Created: Wed Jun 13 06:49:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qs5r5/indian_food_recommendations/
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i’m going out to dinner to an indian restaurant tonight. i love indian food so much but have also been doing really well with restricting for the past couple weeks (lost 4 lbs) and don’t want to mess it up.
the menu seems pretty extensive and i was thinking about either getting the multani soup or dal soup (and a bit of nan), bhaingan koot curry, or the methi chaman haryali.
any other recommendations?
i have about ~600 cals to spend (only had coffee) and want to get something filling. and i’m vegetarian!

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 13, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 13 06:11:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qrxa8/daily_food_diary_june_13_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 13, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday June 13, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 13 06:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qrx4w/way_to_go_wednesday_june_13_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for June 13, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Help] Ate like crap these past few days
/u/usingthistoaskqs1111
Created: Wed Jun 13 06:10:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qrwzr/ate_like_crap_these_past_few_days/
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I feel disgusted. Thinking of not eating tomorrow and working out. Any tips?

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I’m deep in an ED hole
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Wed Jun 13 05:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qrlmx/im_deep_in_an_ed_hole/
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I was a hardcore anorexic a year ago (haha I’m proud but I shouldn’t be) but I recovered (aka binged my way to healthy weight, still obsessed over food) and now ur girl is hardcore anorexic part two. I’ve lost nearly 20 pounds in a month. I’ve never ever been bulimic. I binged my way to obesity when I was 6, I’ve done the anorexic “thing”, exercise bulimia, whatever; but never ever bulimia or using laxatives. It’s been a week since I’ve kept a single meal down. I can’t breathe because my throat is so FUCKED UP already. It’s been a week and my throat has never been in more pain. But I keep going—I continue to stick my long-nailed fingers down my throat and gag to feel the burn of my stomach acid and the food come up.

I can’t fucking do this. I woke up at 5 am THIRSTY bc of my throat pain but I didn’t let myself drink water bc I didn’t want to gain weight. I weighed myself and since I was taking laxatives for 3 days and didn’t yesterday, it went up. I cried.

I think my resolution to this whole thing is to do the stack so I won’t eat and therefore won’t have to throw up.

---

I'm breaking down right now
/u/cHoOsEyAuSeRnAmE
Created: Wed Jun 13 04:45:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qrg0m/im_breaking_down_right_now/
---
I'm shaking and propably overreacting. But I was looking throw my google history to find something and forgot that my boyfriend used my computer for job applications. So his google account is connected with my computer. I found out that he is google pretty often for "naked /skinny teens" wich... sucks. he always tells me how he thinks that I am beautiful how I are and doesnt care how much i weight... I believe him but it hurts to see that he is googleing for younger and skinnier women. One search was on my god damn birthday. i am so hurt right know. I shouldn't have see this.

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Oml I'm an idiot
/u/PmMeUrKhajiit
Created: Wed Jun 13 04:06:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qr959/oml_im_an_idiot/
---
I saw someone post their breakfast on 1200ip, it was like a coffee w almond milk, and an English muffin w cottage cheese and sriracha on top, and I thought I saw it on edfood

So I'm like "I think you mean 47 strawberries" being all fucking hilarous bc their breakfast was like 188 calories and holy damn did they get mad

Also I can't be the only one who thinks that cottage cheese looks like something freshly sucked out of a rich woman's thighs. It's uncommon in my country, but apparently Americans love it 💀

---

Would you tell your parents/siblings?
/u/72554
Created: Wed Jun 13 03:05:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qqytd/would_you_tell_your_parentssiblings/
---
TLDR; relapsed adult, should I tell my family?


I’m 31, had bulimia followed by anorexia nervosa when I was a teenager/young adult, semi-recovered by 25.. and now I’ve relapsed. Went downhill last year and have been diagnosed with atypical anorexia - I’m not underweight despite significant weight loss.

I’ve managed to keep this from my family even though my youngest sister lives with me. She was very young when I was sick so just thinks I’ve continued to be not much of an eater. I see a psychologist, dietician and GP who are my only support in this and all of them think I need more intensive support including from my family. For various reasons I won’t source additional psychiatric/funded eating disorder treatment. Currently paying privately.

To complicate matters, I’m half way through a much wanted IVF pregnancy so I’m really trying hard to eat enough but still not meeting my intake goals. Baby is doing fine, growing well, and my midwife is aware that I need extra monitoring.

I’m torn about whether I should tell my family what I’m going through. I feel embarrassed to have “let myself” get to this point again and I don’t want to put my family through all this shit all over again. Now I’m an adult and parents don’t live near me, I’m just unsure about what kind of support they’d be able to offer and I don’t want to tell them just so they can sit at home and feel useless. At the same time, there’s always a lot of talk about food and weight and being healthy that I find extremely triggering. Telling them I’ve relapsed may stop some of that but then it may not. I don’t want my kid to grow up with a sick mum who doesn’t know how to eat nor have a family that places big emphasis on size and eating. Mum is visiting me next weekend so if I was to tell her it would be an appropriate time. But I just don’t know whether I should put her through it. And if I tell her should I then tell dad and siblings too? Mum was ready to mortgage the house and send me overseas for treatment when I was a teenager so I don’t think she’d be dismissive or anything but I’m an adult now, I don’t want her trying to step on my toes and think she can force additional treatment.

Have you told your parents about your ED? How did it go? Were they supportive or did it just make their lives hell with no actual benefit?

Please no hate on getting pregnant while relapsing. In a perfect world I would have put my life on hold to get to 100% recovered but being realistic it was now or never so instead I found myself ED specialists to help me through it.

---

[Discussion] How often do you all weigh yourselves?
/u/losemore
Created: Wed Jun 13 02:56:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qqxbh/how_often_do_you_all_weigh_yourselves/
---
I’m trying to get out of the habit of weighing myself daily as I lose my shit when I’ve weighed in lighter the previous day but I don’t know where the happy medium is. Once a week feels like it won’t be enough.

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The cousins I don't like are coming to stay...
/u/tolearnalanguage
Created: Wed Jun 13 02:53:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qqwu8/the_cousins_i_dont_like_are_coming_to_stay/
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and I'm going to lose so much weight whilst she's here. I can't wait to make her feel just as bad as she made me feel. I'm secretly happy she's coming because I'll be able to flaunt my thinness in some ones face without feeling bad about it (when I get thin). I've found my new motivation. She and her younger sibling (who I love btw) are arriving in the afternoon. I just can't wait!!

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[Rant/Rave] My road to recovery
/u/Amoosedcow
Created: Wed Jun 13 02:52:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qqwp2/my_road_to_recovery/
---
Hey guys, I haven’t posted here often (only twice, actually) but I have decided that this is it for me. I’ve chosen to recover from my ED and set on a better path laid out for me. I’m always so tired, stressed, depressed and cold all the time so enough is enough. Please wish me luck. I hope all of you take care of yourselves in the meanwhile and know it’s never too late to recover if you choose to. 💕

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[Discussion] What's your summer goal(s)?
/u/voldemortspares
Created: Wed Jun 13 02:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qqq4n/whats_your_summer_goals/
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Just wondering what you guys are looking forward at the end of the summer. Mine is to lose the binge weight and become more active like 10,000 steps a day+ tons of planking. So what are your goals?

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[Other] Self care?
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Tue Jun 12 23:50:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qq1f9/self_care/
---
https://i.redd.it/3cf4i2ozip311.jpg

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stuck in a bad eating situation and idk how to fix it
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Tue Jun 12 23:05:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qpt0y/stuck_in_a_bad_eating_situation_and_idk_how_to/
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a lot of people refresh their calorie count from when they sleep to when they wake up, but I like to reset mine at 12am because it's exactly 24 hours. so basically I've fallen into the habit of eating all my calories at exactly 12am (when it resets), then sleeping, and then fasting for the rest of the day because I have no calories left. and it's like that meal didn't even really count because I went to sleep anyway with a full day ahead of me. Idk what to do. it satisfies my tendency to eat at night, but at the same time im fasting for no reason

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Almost decided on recovery - then a stupid thing changed it
/u/paraphrasis
Created: Tue Jun 12 23:01:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qpsaq/almost_decided_on_recovery_then_a_stupid_thing/
---
I almost decided to try recover again. My friends are worried, and so is my doctor. They are definitely "pushing" (in a good way) to help me, and that's what motivates me. Then yesterday, my doctor found out that my pelvic pains is stems from my IUD moving - and he removed it. I haven't had a period in two years because of the IUD, and I just loved it (can't tolerate oral contraception). I am going on festival in 3 weeks, and all I can think about is how much I am definitely not going to be on my period at that time.
I know my period stop when I high restrict, and that's all I want to do now. Was in a 1100kcal deficit yesterday, and I'm not even satisfied. This is throwing me over the edge, and it's so stupid!?? Like, I see how irrational it is, but I am already struggling with the amount of alcohol calories I am going to drink, and I don't want to deal with this too!!! Luckily I'll get a new IUD in two months, but still... Just needed to rant. I hate that such a small issue completely change my outlook on my life. Once again.

TLDR: Wanted to start recovering, but I don't want to have my period on festival, so I am instead going further down the rabbit hole and restricting even more to avoid it.

Can anyone relate to such small small life things throwing you totally off?

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Who are some celebs you suspect have an ED?
/u/daintydollll
Created: Tue Jun 12 22:35:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qpnff/who_are_some_celebs_you_suspect_have_an_ed/
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For me its Jessie Paege. She is so skinny and I feel like she's getting skinnier.

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What're you guys looking forward to this week?
/u/PM_ME_USEFUL_ADVICE
Created: Tue Jun 12 22:07:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qphop/whatre_you_guys_looking_forward_to_this_week/
---

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Chest pain when purging
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Tue Jun 12 22:00:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qpg3t/chest_pain_when_purging/
---
I've been purging either every day or several times a week for the past few weeks which is not something I used to do much. Lately, especially today, I had noticable discomfort in my chest and around my heart while I was purging and after. Is this like just a normal purging thing or am I dying

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This path is no longer serving me, I’m going to see where that small fork in the road takes me
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Tue Jun 12 21:47:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qpdiz/this_path_is_no_longer_serving_me_im_going_to_see/
---
I’m almost back down to my lowest weight ever - unintentionally, actually, I was trying to maintain for ages but it just got out of hand and behaviours have become unmanageable. I don’t even enjoy being this thin, I feel grumpy and weak all the time and have been badly isolating. It’s a road to nowhere.

Something is happening this week that is huge motivation to get back to a healthier place. Im not prepared to fully let go but I’m definitely going to aim to increase a bit and get back to more physical exercise and no more b/p. It’s dumb but I sort of feel I had this in the back of my head as a gate between some sort of before and after and allowed myself to be shittier to my body. Just very black and white thinking.


I guess I’m posting this to hold myself accountable and also wondering if anyone else has the same absurd rules/lines/dichotomies that dictate their behaviour and life even though they’re illogical and make you do things you don’t get anything out of or enjoy?

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What is something you love about yourself?
/u/alliwantisskinny
Created: Tue Jun 12 21:44:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qpcx7/what_is_something_you_love_about_yourself/
---
I know all of us are always saying how much we hate this and that about ourselves, but what is something you love about yourself?

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Haven't eaten in 2 hours. AMA
/u/nihilistatari
Created: Tue Jun 12 20:27:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qovlg/havent_eaten_in_2_hours_ama/
---
I'm practically a god now. Ask away.

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[Rant/Rave] Compulsive skin picking/scratching and restricting is not a good mix
/u/squishyskeleton
Created: Tue Jun 12 20:26:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qovcg/compulsive_skin_pickingscratching_and_restricting/
---
Unfortunately for me, on top of my ED I also have generalised anxiety disorder which has led to me compulsively biting my nails and the skin around them, scratching myself, picking at my skin etc.

My new found compulsion is scratching the fuck out of the back of my head. Which has now created a scab, which I am now scratching the fuck out of. I feel so dizzy from restriction already, but this on top of it makes it so much worse because I can’t let the scab close so it keeps bleeding. I can hardly concentrate. My head is pounding.

I don’t know what to do. It’s really hard, and I’m at work too. So I can’t just lay down.

---

[Discussion] DAE obsess over how much hair weighs?
/u/shiveryourselfskinny
Created: Tue Jun 12 20:22:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qoucl/dae_obsess_over_how_much_hair_weighs/
---
I have really long hair, and the other day when I stared wondering “hey how much does my hair weigh?” And now I can stop thinking about cutting it All off to see the difference on the scale and shaving all the hair off on the rest of my body and literally “shaving off the pounds” haha... Jesus Christ this disorder is getting to me.

---

I don't know where else to post this
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Tue Jun 12 20:19:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qotkf/i_dont_know_where_else_to_post_this/
---
A guy in my fellowship introduced himself and talked to me tonight. I felt like he noticed me and was interested in me.

I've lost weight recently, but I am still very large by society's terms. I'm pretty in the face but find it odd when men react positively to me.

I know you guys are sick like me, but I could use encouragement that large women with ED's can be noticed. I used to be skinny and now I find it odd that some men are stunned by me.

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[Rant/Rave] ‘See? She has a lot of fat!’ [rant/rave] [humiliated]
/u/mynormalheart
Created: Tue Jun 12 19:48:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qomhc/see_she_has_a_lot_of_fat_rantrave_humiliated/
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I’m in training in the medical field right now and today we were practicing doing injections on each other. We have to get up in pairs in front of the whole class to do it. FYI I’m the chubbiest person in my class.


So along comes my turn to be the ‘patient’. The instructor is trying to show my classmate how to grasp my arm so injecting the needle is less painful. My classmate is having trouble.


So, the instructor grabs a wad of my bat wing in her hand and shows it to her saying *‘This should be easy for you. See? She has a lot of fat!’* Then she squished my arm a few more times for good measure.


My classmate at least had the decency to look embarrassed for me and several other people just looked at each other uncomfortably. I was mortified. Only good thing is it took away my appetite for the rest of the day.

---

Does OMAD have an effect on stomach size?
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Tue Jun 12 19:44:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qolm1/does_omad_have_an_effect_on_stomach_size/
---
I have been doing OMAD (one meal a day) for almost a month now at night. I am doing vegan keto as well so I'm not very hungry during the day.

I was thinking though, when I used to restrict "normally" I would have tiny baby meals and if I tried to eat something bigger my stomach would hurt. I loved that feeling.

I eat around 800-1000 calories once a day. In every other way OMAD works great for me, but I'm worried that this is the one "con" I didn't think of.

Will eating 800-1000 calories (a "normal" plate of food with a tiny side) have an effect on really shrinking my stomach? Is it pseudoscience?

I'm just using this till I get to my ugw then I plan to eat tiny meals. I'm scared the switch will be hard going from one "normal" meal to tiny ones.

Are these concerns valid? What do you guys think?

---

[Intro] Intro :)
/u/batspiders
Created: Tue Jun 12 19:28:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qohvv/intro/
---
Hello :)
I'm 19, 4'11 and I've struggled with ED for years. I recovered when I was 17, but I didn't manage to keep it up for long. I know that I can't talk about these issues with my family or my boyfriend, as they're constantly watching me. They always pick on me and belittle my body, but everytime I exhibit extreme ED behaviors they repramand me even more.
I've looked at this sub to help me cope and feel less alone with my ED, so I just figured maybe I'd make myself known :)

---

First time poster... Long time lurker. I hate and love how much bulemia works
/u/jayswife666
Created: Tue Jun 12 19:14:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qoemg/first_time_poster_long_time_lurker_i_hate_and/
---
Bulemic since i was 12. Now 30. Recovered for 2 years. Just got back into it 6 mo ths ago. God the freedom. I can have my cake and eat it too. What i hate.... Everyone telling me how i dont need to do this and everything is better without this disorder. But the second i start again and lose weight... Everyone... EVERYONE comments on how great i look and all of the sudden loves me. At this point im alchorexic/bulemic. I dont eat for days then when i do eat i throw it up. And all of a sudden everyone loves me. And i lie and lie and tell them im just working out more but they love me so much more. Im so tired of my weight being all that matters. 5'2" started at 128 now 107. Gonna keep going till i hit my pre recovery of 99

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Day long fast; will I ever be hungry again? The world may never know.
/u/sorryqueen
Created: Tue Jun 12 18:38:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qo63w/day_long_fast_will_i_ever_be_hungry_again_the/
---
Also, hi everyone, it’s been a LONG time. Probably a year? 🙃

---

Sorry...
/u/versperalaxis
Created: Tue Jun 12 18:27:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qo3r7/sorry/
---
if i triggered anyone w that pic. i should’ve explained that i did that in res, and it was my way of coping. still, i apologise for it!

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[Rant/Rave] Consequences from purging stress me out which makes me binge more
/u/naughtynugget
Created: Tue Jun 12 18:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qo318/consequences_from_purging_stress_me_out_which/
---
Okay so I finally went to the dentist yesterday and turns out I had SIX FRICKIN CAVITIES. I have never had a cavity in my life, the only thing different is that I spent basically all of last year purging. Whoops. This led to about 2 hours of dental work. Except of course I didn’t tolerate the Novacaine well and felt literally every drilling. They gave me so much that I ended up having a panic attack and breaking down in the Dentist’s chair. I can’t even be annoyed because it’s my own fault. Moral of the story: TAKE CARE OF YOUR TEETH PEOPLE.

Of course my dumbass thought eating would make me regain feeling faster. So I ended up eating a ton of lasagna and ice cream and wine. But now I’m too scared to purge because of the traumatizing dental experience. Oh, and to top it all off, my boyfriend is on week four in a row of traveling out of the country for work and is actually the worst communicator possible. I think we’re really on the verge of breaking up which makes me stress eat.

I was finally happy and able to restrict and was looking SO GOOD. I’ve ruined it all in two days. Fuck me, right???

---

[Discussion] does anyone else hate when people try to get your attention in any way while you're eating
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Tue Jun 12 18:17:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qo1ei/does_anyone_else_hate_when_people_try_to_get_your/
---
i just want to eat in peace and fully enjoy the little amount of food i feel like ive worked all day to deserve. i hate it when people try to get my attention during this time. i'll straight up ignore my SO if he tries to start a conversation while i eat and i feel like a huge bitch because of it lol. :|

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[Rant/Rave] i only allow myself to eat if everything feels "right"
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Tue Jun 12 18:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qnzlt/i_only_allow_myself_to_eat_if_everything_feels/
---
i eat one meal a day right before bed time. my ritual starts at 6:30pm. i'll take my sleeping meds at this time because i like being in a semi unconscious state while eating later so that im less likely to binge lol. i do chores and make sure the kitchen and bed room are spotless. at 7pm i go for a walk regardless of the weather. at 7:30 I read or do some sort of hobby (regardless if i want to or not) until 8:30. i do yoga/stretch until 9:30. i get all my things ready for tomorrow and shower, then finally allow myself to start preparing my meal around 10. i need to prepare my food and eat it in a specific order. also i get very irritable and snappy if my plan is disrupted in any way. its annoying as heck but comforting at the same time. typing this out makes me feel like a huge control freak ughhh. now that i think of it this might all be linked to my ocd, idk.

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some drawing i came up w idk not original i’m sure but hey ~*no it is not anatomically correct*~
/u/versperalaxis
Created: Tue Jun 12 17:29:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qnpd7/some_drawing_i_came_up_w_idk_not_original_im_sure/
---
https://i.redd.it/yi3pbp1zmn311.jpg

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The stupidest reason to binge
/u/crystaltartan
Created: Tue Jun 12 17:20:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qnnev/the_stupidest_reason_to_binge/
---
If I'm stressed and get overwhelmed with problems, or with other people's problems, I eat. Because eating is a break. Because I don't have to think about difficult things during an eating break. What the fuck. This is the weakest, most incompetent bullshit. I flip between eating to deal with stress and extreme restriction to deal with the overeating.

I AM THIRTY YEARS OLD.

This is so stupid. I'm supposed to be an adult. I'm supposed to be able to deal with life. Instead I go visit my mom to help her deal with her depression-fueled resistance to getting a job, because my uncle called me and pleaded with me to help her (he can't, he lives multiple states away), and I swear to God she deals with the terrifying concept of solving problems by bitching about everything under the sun until she's so overwhelmed by problems that she's paralyzed. And then she moves on to bitching about politics. I get derailed from helping her make a resume by dreading with the lack of a guest bed, then the broken windowsill, then hanging ceiling fans, then she's bitching about every other problem in her house she can't possibly solve by herself and all I am screaming inside my head is FUCKING MAN UP AND STOP TELLING YOURSELF EVERYTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.

I was okay for the first twelve hours. Hour 30 and I have totally failed. I yelled at her, vented at my boyfriend in endless texts, ate a lot of things, and turned into a thorny unhelpful bitch

I can't. I can't. I don't even have my own life together. I can't be kind and patient in the face of my mother's crippling inability to email people asking for a job she's overqualified for. I can't deal with her inability to solve simple shit like hang curtains. I cannot fucking deal with this helpless child mother whose depression makes her see nothing but problems, listen to solutions and immediately go "No, that solution won't work because of x innumerable minor objections", immediately followed by "And the yard is such a mess and Trump is so horrible and I'm going to email x local representative who is such a slimeball and and..."

I escape from problems (which are not that bad compared to many problems) by eating, which fucks up my relationship with food because I have to fix the imbalance plus lose weight.

I feel like such a child typing this all out.

I kinda wish I weren't freelance and had a reliable job instead of this never-ending deadly uncertainty.

I wonder if it'd be better - or no worse - to swap food for alcohol. The calories would be lower.

I wish I were a nice person.

Instead I'm barely competent.

At least I'm pretty.

That's kind of all I've got.

And I'm gonna fuck that up too if I can't stop eating when I'm stressed LIKE A CHILD.

God, I wish I knew how to deal with life straightforwardly, and unafraid.

The ugly fact that I apparently can't means I am everything I most despise.

---

ED ig accounts?
/u/sadsadidiot
Created: Tue Jun 12 17:18:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qnmty/ed_ig_accounts/
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hey all so ive been lurking for a while and decided to make an acc just for this sub, you know the drill. was wondering if any of yall have igs for ED/DE stuff? mine's @.sodiumrush

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I'm too weak to diet (rant)
/u/MortalVirgo
Created: Tue Jun 12 17:06:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qnjnh/im_too_weak_to_diet_rant/
---
I've been wanting (and needing) to lose weight for years now, but really couldn't because of severe depression. I always thought to myself that if only I wasn't depressed, I would lose weight and become healthy, happy, and beautiful. But no. I'm just too weak.
I simply cannot bring myself to restrict and not eat crap for more than 2-3 days at a time. And those days are too few and far between, and I hate myself for it. I feel so useless and lazy.
And I keep thinking about that time when I somehow had the mental strength to restrict for two weeks straight, and lost 4 kilos. It wasn't a big accomplishment, it didn't make a difference in my appearance, but it was a lot for two weeks. I was so exited, and even counted that at that rate it would have taken me only 9 weeks to get to my goal weight.
9 weeks. If I had only sucked it up and endured for 9 more weeks, I could have lived in my dream body for half a year already.
But I didn't. I'm still fat and gross and unhealthy. I was so sure that I would lose weight this spring, so I could look good in the summer. And now almost half of june has already gone by, and I'm still fat and disgusting. This was supposed to be MY summer. This was supposed to be the first summer when I had a beautiful beach body and I could maybe even got my first ever boyfriend.
But, because I'm such a lazy, useless piece of shit, I didn't lose weight or exercise, even though I had time. This spring, I've had nothing but time. No school, no work, no nothing. I just chose to sit around all day doing nothing and wasting time.
Tomorrow, I'm moving to a new city. I thought I would have become skinny before moving. Moving was supposed to be my new start, as a new person, in a new city, around new people, in a new body. But I'm still the old me, the fat, ugly, and pathetic child that I've always been. I wanted to be a confident, gorgeous, sexy aldult, and meet people, make friends, socialize, go to parties and bars and have a good time. And that oppoturnity is now gone because of me. I've ruined my own dream, and it hurts.

---

[Rant/Rave] It’s incredible what stress does to the appetite.
/u/ohlookadoggo
Created: Tue Jun 12 17:03:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qnj2o/its_incredible_what_stress_does_to_the_appetite/
---
I’ve been having the shittiest time at work lately. Long story short, I got someone in trouble for telling the truth about an incident on my shift and I’m now considered the “snitching white bitch.”

Everyone is treating me differently now and I can’t help but feel so exhausted with everything going on, but boy I’m loving the appetite suppressant. I went from thinking about food nonstop to forcing myself to eat because my only sustenance has been a piece of chocolate and three shots of vodka. CAN ANYONE RELATE? Thanks for listening ❤️

---

[Rant/Rave] Why am I like this?
/u/armheartbrain
Created: Tue Jun 12 16:55:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qngz1/why_am_i_like_this/
---
It's unfair the some people get to eat like normal humans. Why them and not me? I feel like I have no control over how I eat or my thoughts about food.

I just purged 4 muffins. Like I know this is doing real damage to my health. I know it's hecking up my teeth and my stomach and my general health. Why can't I choose to do what is right for my body?

Like I'm not even that jealous of thin girls Im just jealous of people who can eat normally and feel happy. I'm always either thinking about eating food or thinking about not eating food. It is making me miserable. But I don't know how to fix this. I'm literally 30 and it feels like it's too late. I wish I could go back in time and tell 16 year old me that throwing up did not make me as powerful as it made me feel.

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I only binge when I'm at my moms house
/u/dollydomer
Created: Tue Jun 12 16:54:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qngpk/i_only_binge_when_im_at_my_moms_house/
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if I am anywhere else, I never have the urge to bing. but when I'm home at my moms house I binge like every night. I restrict usually so my binges are small but it still pisses me off. anyone know why? I have no problem sticking to my intake anywhere else

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uk treatment services
/u/acosed
Created: Tue Jun 12 16:53:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qngby/uk_treatment_services/
---
ok theres a lack of threads on this but
can i hear your experiences with treatment in the uk? preferably adult services.

how was it? how old were you? how much did ypu weigh? etc etc

please help lmao

---

[Discussion] Binge, Bourdain etc...
/u/picattapinata
Created: Tue Jun 12 16:51:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qnfzr/binge_bourdain_etc/
---
Anthony Bourdain’s death really hit me hard. I don’t glorify celebrities or death or even usually give two fucks about it.

This particular person made me feel safe eating. I felt I could always binge a little and watch his shows and think everything was alright in the world.

You might think it’s stupid to be so upset about someone I didn’t know and their passing, but I idolized him. He was the one famous chef I wanted to meet before I died. Now everytime I watch his shows, I feel an empty little spot in my heart.

I wish I could have changed his mind, I wish I could have met and known him personally. He was so incredibly influential in my love for wonderful food and I miss him dearly even though I didn’t know him.

A world without Tony is just a sad place. I really did love him.

So all this week I’m eating his favorite foods and drinking his favorite alcohol, because maybe somehow his spirit will find his fans and he can live thru our happiness.

End of sad stupid rant. 💕

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[Discussion] Binge, Bourdain etc...
/u/picattapinata
Created: Tue Jun 12 16:51:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qnfz0/binge_bourdain_etc/
---
Anthony Bourdain’s death really hit me hard. I don’t glorify celebrities or death or even usually give two fucks about it.

This particular person made me feel safe eating. I felt I could always binge a little and watch his shows and think everything was alright in the world.

You might think it’s stupid to be so upset about someone I didn’t know and their passing, but I idolized him. He was the one famous chef I wanted to meet before I died. Now everytime I watch his shows, I feel an empty little spot in my heart.

I wish I could have changed his mind, I wish I could have met and known him personally. He was so incredibly influential in my love for wonderful food and I miss him dearly even though I didn’t know him.

A world without Tony is just a sad place. I really did love him.

So all this week I’m eating his favorite foods and drinking his favorite alcohol, because maybe somehow his spirit will find his fans and he can live thru our happiness.

End of sad stupid rant. 💕

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[Rant/Rave] Things are going great but I still don't feel good enough
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Tue Jun 12 15:32:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qmuy6/things_are_going_great_but_i_still_dont_feel_good/
---
So i found out I've got onto my masters year with a 2:1 which is awesome but everyone else got a 1st grading. I feel so inferior. I could be getting a job in a chocolate shop which means I'll be able to lose weight easier because it's a lot of standing and carrying boxes of chocolate but at the same time I know all I'll want to do is binge eat when I get home because I'll have been around chocolate all day. On top of this I've been binging more recently, I don't get periods because I'm on the mini pill and I haven't particularly been sad I just look at myself and ugh.

I hate that I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, like my best friend and girlfriend secretly think I'm a failure because I didn't get a first like them. I hate that I can't shift this fucking weight no matter how much I try to restrict all I'm doing is eating. I hate how I have no self confidence if I'm not losing weight and that makes me feel like my girlfriend isn't attracted to me anymore. I can't talk to her about this because my mental health has been really poor over the past month and a half because of exams and I've been having breakdowns similar to the ones I had when I was unmedicated which has put a strain on our relationship. Just fuck I'm a mess and I love you guys and feel like here's the only place I can really vent.

TL;DR: I'm a bit of a mess.

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[Thinspo] Thinspo IG recommendations?
/u/platypusPerryThe
Created: Tue Jun 12 15:23:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qmsjy/thinspo_ig_recommendations/
---
Looking for people that I can follow on Instagram for thinspo, wondering if there were any favorites from you guys. Hoping this is ok to post in this sub.

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[Help] How to deal with bloating??
/u/damnitjanet6
Created: Tue Jun 12 15:20:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qmrkd/how_to_deal_with_bloating/
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I've literally never been this bloated before? My stomach is sticking out half a mile and it hurts to the touch- I binged so badly today after being fairly restrictive the past few weeks and not binging to this extent. I can barely move it hurts so much. So how do you guys deal with bloating? I just want it to stop hurting so much lol

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[Other] to any fainters out there!
/u/Jessnm
Created: Tue Jun 12 14:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qmhtp/to_any_fainters_out_there/
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if youre a fainter, or have fainted before be careful! I went to the doctor on an empty stomach with the intention of eating afterward. I haven’t fainted in YEARS. but one finger prick later I knew it was coming and I fainted in front of everyone at planned parenthood. i’ve lost weight and didn’t realize how it would affect me. eat something before!! drink some juice! just don’t go on a relatively empty stomach cause now i’m going to pay the price and feel shitty all day :(

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[Goal] 72kg to 52.8kg. Went past my 60kg goal. But when I look in the mirror I still feel huge.
/u/MeelinFelo
Created: Tue Jun 12 14:25:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qmbhc/72kg_to_528kg_went_past_my_60kg_goal_but_when_i/
---
https://i.redd.it/o98xiw7aqm311.jpg

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Outpatient day programs?
/u/vkomova
Created: Tue Jun 12 14:16:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qm8tk/outpatient_day_programs/
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If you've ever been in one, what was the routine like, how long did you do it, how did you feel about it, etc.? Describe everything about it pleaaase I probably have to do it and I'm scared shitless and I have no idea what it's going to be like :/

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PASSED EXAMS!! // a realisation
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Tue Jun 12 13:41:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qly39/passed_exams_a_realisation/
---
First off, we got our university exam results today. This last semester was HELL with anorexia and it looked a lot like I was going to be forced to take a leave of absence. SOMEHOW I've managed to get decent 2:1 grades in senior honour physics which, considering the circumstances, is impossible! (Senior Honour is essentially the year most people graduate with a BSc, but I'm staying another year for an MPhys - Masters.)

Secondly, I've realised that when I drink it takes very little for me to lose all control and spiral neatly into very disordered thoughts. So much so that I write, message, or type in a rant about them. I don't know why I do this but it physically pains me to see the truth come out when I'm not trying to hide.
I don't know what I'm trying to achieve here, but it seems like the longer I attempt to mask this, the more scared I become. I don't entirely know what to do because I can't see myself gaining weight and recovering or eating any time soon, but I also can't see this continuing without eventual hospitalisation and the severe disruption of my future plans.

Time to play some music, watch some Netflix, and sleep. TTFN.
(Oh PSA to those in the UK with Morrisons nearby - bought the 77kcal nespresso white chocolate and pistachio mocha sachets. Since they're sachets they're calorie counted but they're also DELICIOUS)

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At an impasse
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Tue Jun 12 13:36:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qlwsk/at_an_impasse/
---
Had a full fledged breakdown last night regarding my ED and my Bipolar II. My ED has turned from a way to control my life when it seems like it’s spiraling (hypomania and depression is a bitch), but it’s become all encompassing. I even stopped taking my medication for a few days because combined with EC stacking it sent me into a full blown hypomanic episode that in all seriousness, I probably should’ve been hospitalized for.

I CAN’T neglect taking care of BAPD. If I hadn’t gotten help and a diagnosis last year, I’m convinced I would’ve killed myself by now. The consequences would mean being sent to an in-patient program and I just can’t afford to put my life on hold like that. I’m a pre-law college senior for fucks sake.

But I’m just not ready for recovery :/. I’m not at my goal weight yet. I’m shooting for right above an 18.5 BMI (126-128ish pounds), but I’m just not sure how much longer I can keep going with both.

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[Rant/Rave] I can eat fine when people are around
/u/fuckingupleftnright
Created: Tue Jun 12 13:29:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qlum8/i_can_eat_fine_when_people_are_around/
---
Sometimes I feel like I'm not really sick because I can be totally fucked up for a couple of weeks then completely fine again.

For example, I'm in a country I don't have friends in for a while for internship/summer. I was medium restricting when my mum was around. Then when she left cue crazy low restriction and binge/purge. Now she's back and expects me to eat a moderate amount and I'm fine? I ate a bowl of lentil soup and a slice of buttered toast and even a spoon of ice cream just fine and feel very little guilt. I also didnt want more and binge, which i know is a common reaction when eating properly for the first time in ages.

But when I'm alone I purge half an Apple? Wtf? It's as if I can't eat like a normal human without people around doing it with me, which is odd bc most people with ED struggle to eat around people?

Same thing happens when I'm with my boyfriend. We are apart for the summer because of jobs but live together while at uni. When I'm living with him, its fine? I restrict but to a normal amount, enough to account for treats every week or so and not gain. It doesn't feel awful I just eat two small meals a day. Even when there's yummy food around I just pick at it because I feel too full if I have a lot. But when I'm alone it's starvation or b/p, no in between. Even when I try to eat high restriction on healthy foods, when I'm alone it feels like so much in my tummy and I purge. Hence purging half an apple. I purged an 80 cal cottage cheese the other day. Fucking gross.

Really fucks me up. I want to feel like this all the time! I'm just glad the people around me don't push me to eat too much and just help me eat nutritious food. I can not be normal without them and I hate feeling so sick when I'm alone. How do I learn to eat normally when I am not reminded what that is by my loved ones?

This is a moment of happiness though idk. I feel not starved but not grossly full. Who knoes how I will feel tomorrow when I realize I've gained from food staying in my belly for the first time in weeks.

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[Discussion] Recovering from stomach flu
/u/its_freaking_bats
Created: Tue Jun 12 12:53:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qljt9/recovering_from_stomach_flu/
---
So like the title says I am just now recovering from the stomach flu.

I have eaten hardly anything in a couple of days and anything I did consume was violently expelled from my body with the force of ten jet engines. Now that I am mostly better, I decided to weigh myself out of curiosity. I hadn’t weighed myself in almost 2 weeks because last week I was on vacation and binged on everything in sight for 6 days. When I left for vacation I was ~133 so expected to be 135 when I weighed myself after losing all of my innards the past couple days.

YOU GUYS I WAS 129.

I know this is all water weight and that when I eat something today I’ll just pile it back on (which makes me sad) but I’m so happy just to see that number. I probably won’t weigh again for a while because I know when I start eating and drinking again it will go up, but I’m still going to be happy with the little things.

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[Rant/Rave] Long rant about my boyfriend’s relationship w/ food and his general ignorance of eating disorders and how its slowly driving me insane
/u/-fauna
Created: Tue Jun 12 12:37:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qlf46/long_rant_about_my_boyfriends_relationship_w_food/
---
So, my boyfriend is one of those “naturally” skinny people. By that I mean he has a general aversion to food, forgets to eat, and doesn’t really understand how people enjoy food or eating in the first place, so he tends to consume way less than the average person. The fact that he’s 5’ 10”, 125 – 130lbs and effortlessly teeters between an unhealthy and healthy BMI is upsetting enough for my ED brain. However, on top of this, his comments on his own eating habits literally drive me up the wall.

For some background, he knows I’ve been trying to lose weight and he knows my GW is 100, which will put me at a pretty low BMI; however, this doesn’t raise any red flags for him. He’s said himself that he doesn’t really understand BMI and didn’t even know I was underweight until I had to correct him for calling me a “normal” weight about 10 times in a row. He also seems completely unaware that there are any risks to being underweight. To clarify, he’s incredibly loving and supportive towards me no matter what my weight is or has been despite just being a little dense when it comes to that sort of stuff. He’s always complimented me and told me I don’t need to lose weight but that he supports me if I decide to, completely unaware that he’s feeding into an unhealthy mindset. He’s sweet in the sense of if I complain about how hard it is for me to restrict (which I high restrict at 900-1200) he’ll be like “I know, you’re doing so good though!” and say he’s proud of me for being able to stick with it. Also his ignorance towards BMI and disordered eating make even less sense when considering the fact that he’s looked into nutrition when he was working out consistently and gaining muscle – he knows about TDEE and BMR and enough about nutrition yet fails to see any disordered behavior in me and even encourages it passively.

So moving forward, he has and still does express discontent with his weight being too low and that he wants to get back into working out and gain some weight so I’ve done my best to remind him to eat and, when we’re together physically (LDR), I do my best to make his food more calorically dense, make sure he eats bigger portions, etc. This is all, of course, fairly upsetting and hard for me as my ED started out as bulimia when I was a teenager and have awful binge urges and still b/p very rarely – being around fatty foods, calorically dense foods, and a lot of food is hard. Even when I express discontent and complain about how I wish I could eat as much food as he can without gaining he doesn’t seem to be discouraged from complaining about how much he hates food. He constantly talks about how much “work” it is to eat so much, how he hates having to eat all the time, how he doesn’t like making food, that its hard to remember to eat, that food is “gross,” etc. which is so incredibly frustrating because *I love food/eating so much*. When I even just give him reminders to eat, he whines or grumbles. I understand his PoV, I get that he’s just not a food person in general (there are definitely foods he likes) but hearing him complain about it so much makes me sad that I can’t just be like that and I feel like he’s attacking the part of me that enjoys food a little too much. He'll also mention things like “i've eaten like 500 calories each day for the past 3 days because the stupid dining hall closes at 7 pm on the weekends” that really bother me because I can barely only eat 1000 for a day without driving myself up a wall but he can just not eat out of laziness (he has food he can make and he can go buy food, he just prefers to eat at the dining hall to get a bunch of calories in at once). It feels like I'm not restricting "well enough" and I feel like a loser talking to him about how hard it is for me to only have eaten 900 or 1000 calories.

I'm pretty sure I'm not ready for him to catch onto my disorder completely, me wanting to lose weight is a "new thing" as far as he is concerned instead of the 7 year struggle it has been. He already has to tiptoe around so many other subjects with me because of trauma and stuff like that that I would feel terrible asking him to stop talking about his struggles with food but I'm not sure what else would help this.

---

[Goal] The determination is really strong right now...
/u/peanutbutterbananaa
Created: Tue Jun 12 12:02:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ql4iw/the_determination_is_really_strong_right_now/
---
Finally below 120 pounds after months of slowly gaining. At 5’2, that’s not exactly ideal for me lol. Lowest weight was 89 pounds and, sadly, I couldn’t see how perfect my body was then.

Anyway, I start college in a little over 2 months, and I’m so determined to start it being thin. I don’t want to be seen as the “thicc” girl anymore. I miss my collarbones, my thigh gap, the stares.

I’m going to be at least 110 pounds. I want to be petite again. I want to look good and not like a fat whale for college!

---

Asian Market Goodies Guide
/u/thinandmint
Created: Tue Jun 12 12:01:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ql4cc/asian_market_goodies_guide/
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Someone posted a while ago about why they love the Asian market and it inspired me to revisit some of my old Asian safe foods. Now the Asian market is kind of confusing/intimidating so I wanted to make a guide about some of my discoveries! If any of you guys have any other foods to share I'd love to hear about them!

~PICKLED THINGS~

* Kimchi!! Ya'll this stuff is amazing. Low cal, probiotic, delicious. Cons: sodium, may make you gassy. Vegetarians watch out because some use shrimp. It's also easy/fun to make your own.

* Pickled daikon. Idk how to explain this but it's really low cal and yummy and you can cut it into different shapes and it just feels satisfying. I believe this is Korean. https://www.maangchi.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/pickledradish1-732633.jpg
https://wordenfarmtotable.files.wordpress.com/2017/04/takuan-style-lacto-fermented-daikon-radish-lr-8254.jpg?w=1000

* Chinese pickled radish - this is a salty side dish my family eats a lot with porridge, rice, etc. It comes in little 45 cal sachets. Idk what it's called but they always look like this.
https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/91J7bbgjFhL._SY450_.jpg
https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/91J7bbgjFhL._SY450_.jpg

* Pickled ginger. The stuff that comes with sushi. I find the taste also helps me curb my appetite. https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81aArW5k5CL._SY679_.jpg

~SOUP STUFF~

So one of my favorite Asian meals is soup/stew. I read that Koreans have a tradition of drinking soup before every meal so they don't overeat. I often make a stew with kimchi or miso as the base. Tehn you can add all sorts of low cal things to bulk it up.

* Shirataki. Except this stuff is mad cheap at the Asian market. Might look like this and be labeled "konyakku." https://image.made-in-china.com/43f34j00NQbYdaIHfmcO/Zero-Calorie-Konnyaku-Kpnjac-Noodles-Shirataki.jpg

* Fish balls from frozen section. I love these things for a heartier soup and protein. This brand is 3 balls for 52 cal. https://www.filstop.com/images/P/cache/jane-cuttlefish-ball-8oz-337x320.jpg

* Tofu - I especially love silken tofu if you guys haven't tried it! It's super soft.

* Seitan. The texture might be a bit offputting but this stuff is PURE PROTEIN. And just soaks up the soup. May give you tummy troubles. Some asian stores have this in the tofu section.

* Seaweed: I believe wakame is the seaweed they put in miso soup and it comes dehydrated. There's also kombu which I add to my stews to give flavor and take out afterwards (kind of like bay leaf). You can cut up the used kombu and season it with rice vinegar, soy sauce, etc to make a cold side dish.

~SNACKS~

* Roasted seaweed obv.

* Variation of roasted seaweed I enjoy are these seaweed fish crisps. The seaweed is layered on top of crisped fish and the texture is much more like regular chips. 200 cal for a big pack. https://img.alicdn.com/imgextra/i3/2441075679/TB2JrexlCFjpuFjSspbXXXagVXa_!!2441075679.jpg

* Rice rollers around 45 cal each. These have gone mainstream but can be found cheaper in the Asian market. https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/917rZHSj1eL._SY550_.jpg

* Lots of puffed snacks (shrimp chips) in the chip aisle but I have to avoid these because I end up binging.

~VEGETABLES~

Asian veggies are 1000x tastier than western veggies imo. Some of my favorites are bok choy, on choy, asian eggplant, bamboo. I'm not an expert at cooking them so you'll need to look them up but the key to deliciousness is adding a hint of sugar (I use truvia). There is also bamboo braised in soy sauce that my mom makes and I LOVE because it has a meaty, hearty texture but few calories. Does make me gassy though. If you guys like sweet potatoes the japanese ones (yellow inside) and especially the purple japanese ones are to die for, especially roasted at a high temp for longer than usual because then it caramelizes.

~FRUITS~

Fruit is CHEAP at the asian market. Just bought 8 kiwis for $2. Be warned that this stuff is lower quality. Some cooler fruits I've encountered are dragonfruit, golden kiwi, thai young coconut, asian pear.

~MISC~

* Instant Pho bowls in the ramen section for 240 cal each.
* VEGGIE SUSHI. Discovered this during my vegan phase. Season your rice with rice vinegar, (fake) sugar, salt. I usually do half rice half cauliflower rice. Then you can put literally any veggie in it. Cucumbers, carrots, avocado. The pickled things above. Kimchi. Even kale (check out MommyTang on youtube for her kale sushi instructions). I wrap it up and eat it like a burrito.
* A classic Chinese homestyle dish is egg fried tomato. Sounds weird but it's literally so delicious. Look it up. I nix the oil and use fake sugar.
* Gochujang is a spicy korean paste (sauce aisle in a square container) that makes everything delicious. I've dipped cucumbers into it, added it into my various Asian recipes, made gochujang tempeh.

Ok *phew* that's all I can think of for now. Please let me know if you guys have any more suggestions/corrections! Also beware - lots of Asian danger foods out there as well so don't go researching too much lol. Enjoy!!

---

[Help] [Help] Does anyone have any advice on how to stay focused when doing school work/reading papers?
/u/HellAbove
Created: Tue Jun 12 11:22:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qkslu/help_does_anyone_have_any_advice_on_how_to_stay/
---
I'm interning over the summer at my college which is so cool! I get to do really cool research. But it's really hard to focus. I'll be reading a research paper and I'll read the same sentence like 5 times, with nothing getting stuck in my brain! It's totally annoying and I really just want to get it together. Currently I'm taking 40 mg of Prozac everyday if that helps and my intake ranges from 0-1800 depending on how I feel. I just took a Bronkaid pill + drinking some coffee so hopefully that'll help? Please help /r/proED

---

Something I noticed about naturally skinny people.
/u/nihilistatari
Created: Tue Jun 12 10:49:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qkinc/something_i_noticed_about_naturally_skinny_people/
---
One thing I have noticed about naturally thin people is that they just don't have any attachment to food. I think this is why my ED is so hard to deal with. I am constnsly thinking about calories, food, what I ate today, etc. however, naturally skinny people just.. don't care about food. They will eat whenever they want but it doesn't matter because they don't care enough to eat too much to gain weight.

I hate this.

---

DOCTORS APPOINTMENT
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Tue Jun 12 10:45:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qkhcx/doctors_appointment/
---
I have a doctor's appointment and I lost weight since then and I don't know what to do and I'm so stressed and we m having so much anxiety and ugh I just can't. I lost 16 pounds in a little less then 5 weeks now I'm screwed as shit FMLL

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[Discussion] DAE feel like they will never get better?
/u/alliwantisskinny
Created: Tue Jun 12 10:35:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qkega/dae_feel_like_they_will_never_get_better/
---
I have struggled my whole life with anorexia and after countless times of "recovering" I always fall back to where I started. I feel like I am never going to be normal or know what normal is.

---

The most satisfying feeling
/u/tame_impalian
Created: Tue Jun 12 10:28:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qkcbn/the_most_satisfying_feeling/
---
Just opened MFP and entered my weight and it gave me an award showing that I've lost 6 pounds since starting again! I've been riding this high all day :)

---

[Help] Moving in with boyfriend. Help?
/u/NoMindNeverMatter
Created: Tue Jun 12 10:03:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qk4yf/moving_in_with_boyfriend_help/
---
I am moving in with my boyfriend next month. The good things are that 1) he knows I have food anxieties so he will let me cook all the dinners and 2) he’s pretty oblivious to calories and portion sizes, so I’m pretty sure I can get away with making low calorie meals and taking a small portion for myself.

He is big on eating the same meals together. However, I don’t want him losing weight. How can I ensure he gets enough calories at dinner? I was thinking I’d maybe make him a morning smoothie to add some more calories. Does anyone else live with and cook for their SO and have a solution?

---

[Discussion] Any good ED documentaries?
/u/achildrenofbodomfan
Created: Tue Jun 12 09:59:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qk3km/any_good_ed_documentaries/
---
I’ve been looking all over for ed documentaries and haven’t found one worth watching. Does anyone know any good ed documentaries to watch?

---

[Help] DAE have agoraphobia?
/u/xxxanon1117
Created: Tue Jun 12 09:47:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qjzqi/dae_have_agoraphobia/
---
Does anyone else have agoraphobia, the "fear of places and situations that might cause panic, helplessness, or embarrassment"? I feel like I cant leave my house anymore because I'm afraid of seeing people I know, or just being anxious. I have had to leave situations early or skip them in general because I'm too nervous to be seen or just to leave my house. I have always had a touch of it and I have social anxiety. I thought it was because I was too nervous to leave my safe foods but even if I take my food with me, or think about going to the gas station I get so nervous that I feel paralyzed. Does anyone else experience this? Sort of ED-related because it tends to revolve around my fear of people commenting on my appearance (and I have no clue what I look like anymore).

---

[Discussion] Celeb Goals
/u/StephMichael97
Created: Tue Jun 12 09:45:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qjze6/celeb_goals/
---
DAE ever look up different celebrities measurements/ weight to use as a goal? I know the online results probably aren’t accurate but I like knowing what I could look like at certain weight or measurements.

---

Not the worst message to get in my DMs 🙄
/u/sisenna
Created: Tue Jun 12 09:09:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qjojh/not_the_worst_message_to_get_in_my_dms/
---
https://imgur.com/BxeEyab

---

[Rant/Rave] RANT! No one takes me seriously when i try to reach out for help with my binge eating because im not fat!
/u/wannabearthoe
Created: Tue Jun 12 08:53:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qjjp8/rant_no_one_takes_me_seriously_when_i_try_to/
---
so ive been binging and purging for about 10 years now, went through recovery while i was away at college, now the stress of planning a wedding and moving is making me binge again BUT NOBODY BELIEVES ME and they make fun of me like "oh salad doesnt count as a binge twiggy"

The thing is i live on an island where the majority of people are overweight or obese and actually every single one of my friends is
clinically obese so my binges i guess they would consider normal but it definitely isnt healthy to be eating like this all the time. Im just tired of not being taken seriously, my family is sort of the same as well, they arent obese but we definitely have weight issues, constantly on and off a diet, binging because theyre gonna start a diet or because they already ate one bad thing so they might as well eat everything in the house, so they think binging is just a normal part of life and they get mad at me when i try to talk about my problems and i literally try to be "like please help me stop, this isnt normal" because im not "fat" Im not skinny or underweight either and i remember this being a problem when i was trying to get help for my bulimia back at college. Im just tired of having to prove my disease through my weight for people to take me seriously! its never enough

---

[Rant/Rave] Positive question
/u/retro-morte
Created: Tue Jun 12 08:37:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qjfav/positive_question/
---
I’ve lost nearly five pounds since I began restricting and I’m elated right now. Have you guys reached any goals that you’re happy about?

---

Funny convo with ProED bf
/u/PsychoticGiggles
Created: Tue Jun 12 08:27:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qjcp1/funny_convo_with_proed_bf/
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Me: ugh I want to eat but cant
Be: I know you wanna hit that goal weight
Me: yes I can't eat
Bf: what are you going to do when you hit your goal weight?
Me: EAT

---

[Help] Buffet tips
/u/gnatthebunny
Created: Tue Jun 12 08:16:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qj9wt/buffet_tips/
---
So my family is dragging me to golden corral today and I'm freaking terrified of binging. I CAN NOT handle buffets. Any tips?

---

[Discussion] my little sister has been eating out of palm sized dishes and measuring her food, what do ya’ll think?? she doesn’t use any other dishes but these.. how do i approach her on this?- very obvious disordered behavior
/u/clemintide
Created: Tue Jun 12 08:02:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qj62w/my_little_sister_has_been_eating_out_of_palm/
---
https://i.redd.it/am78farwtk311.jpg

---

I want to get better.
/u/ixionnova
Created: Tue Jun 12 07:55:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qj3zn/i_want_to_get_better/
---


I've had an ED for almost a decade and I can't really stand it anymore.
Yesterday I starved my way out from 9 A.M to 9 P.M and I felt like dying so when I got home I said I would eat anything because the last thing I ate was my breakfast (I have one coffee with milk at 8:30 everyday) My mom got crazy at me saying that it wasn't true, that I was going to complain about any food I make and that I'm crazy and beyond help and that this "sickness" is only for angsty teens so I should grow up already (I'm 23) I kept telling her I was hungry and she kept telling me it wasn't true and that I was crazy. This kind of situations happen almost everyday to the point where I get scared of eating at home and I feel judged if I buy food and eat somewhere else.
I'm not really looking for professional help because I'm in a healthy weight rn and that's all that I can think about but I would really like to start eating without feeling ashamed at work or college. Any pro-tips for this kind of situations? I tried buying small things like cereal bars or yogurts but I feel judged stil and I can't really imagine myself having a proper meal tbh.
I've tried binge eating as well to compensate my days of starving but I just puke whenever I feel I ate too much.

(Sorry if my grammar is bad, English is not my first language)

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[Help] How can I freshen my breath during a fast?
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Tue Jun 12 07:50:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qj2rt/how_can_i_freshen_my_breath_during_a_fast/
---
I personally am trying to not consume any mints/gum because they feel like I'm breaking the fast. I also heard that they make your insulin jump a bit and I don't want that \- but this is a lesser issue. Will drinking peppermint tea freshen my breath? Is there anything else that can freshen my breath, without making insulin response increase?

---

[Other] I had no binge food in the house for my b/p session so I fryed flipping bread:
/u/mipiacelapizza
Created: Tue Jun 12 07:46:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qj1wq/i_had_no_binge_food_in_the_house_for_my_bp/
---
https://i.redd.it/jnqd2m73rk311.jpg

---

De-disordering my apartment for mom's visit
/u/FitCelery3
Created: Tue Jun 12 07:23:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qivzt/dedisordering_my_apartment_for_moms_visit/
---
* Hide the printed thinspo pictures
* Hide the scales
* Hide my measuring tapes
* Stock the fridge with food, not just diet coke
* Fill my pill drawer with napkins on top
* Get out my sweaters and iron them so I can wear them in 80 degree weather

---

[Rant/Rave] Is anyone else just struggling?
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Tue Jun 12 07:15:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qiu81/is_anyone_else_just_struggling/
---
I don't even know what I'm struggling with at this point. Work? School? Social life? Everything?

Everything is a battle right now. Used to be just food and anxiety problems and now it's like everything has gone into overdrive. It used to be "mild depression" and now it's "no will to live". It used to be "some courses are hard but overall we pull through" and now it's "everything is hard, no matter how much work I fail anyways"

Everything is crashing down? Trying to eat an OK amount because I can't deal with eating a recovered amount. Everyday is a complete obsession with food. On top of it my whole life just crumbles to pieces and no matter what I do I can't stop it?

I used to feel like losing weight would solve all my problems. When I am skinny, I won't hate myself. I won't have so much anxiety. I won't be so depressed. Now I feel like no matter how much weight I lose my problems will only get worse.

---

[Discussion] forcing yourself to have a high cal day?
/u/abrahamgeorgelincoln
Created: Tue Jun 12 07:02:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qir0h/forcing_yourself_to_have_a_high_cal_day/
---
after extended restriction i'm trying to force myself to have a high calorie day today because i feel so physically horrible and have really low blood pressure. will this help reset the clock/slow down progression of negative physical symptoms?

i have no appetite and this is going to hard. it's funny, my idea of a high calorie day is still only 1200\-1500 calories.

does anyone else do this? does it help?

---

just got a peach! add me- pistachiocreams :))
/u/pistachiocreams
Created: Tue Jun 12 06:56:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qipf3/just_got_a_peach_add_me_pistachiocreams/
---

---

Any of you have health anxiety on top of an ED?
/u/Roomhunter
Created: Tue Jun 12 06:16:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qigj9/any_of_you_have_health_anxiety_on_top_of_an_ed/
---
My god. Ive been struggling so hard lately, on top of having disordered eating i also deal with thinking i have diseases and health problems galore that send me into 5 hour google searches on symptoms.
I always think my heart is going to stop or i have a brain tumor or AIDS.

Heavily restricting has made my body feel worse obviously and is triggering my health anxiety. I want it to stop. Does anyone else deal with these problems too??

---

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday June 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jun 12 06:10:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qif7f/thinspo_tuesday_june_12_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.

*****

Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

---

Daily Food Diary! June 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jun 12 06:10:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qif5x/daily_food_diary_june_12_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 12, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Other] Vegan Halo Top
/u/lasirenexx
Created: Tue Jun 12 06:05:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qidz8/vegan_halo_top/
---
I can no longer have dairy because of severe food intolerances - does anyone know if the vegan Halo Top is actually any good? I’m doing very low carb and wondering if it’s worth it to try to fit it into my macros. I’d also appreciate any other recommendations for dairy-free ice cream (preferably low sugar & carb)!

---

[Rant/Rave] Irrationally angry at Husband for his “help” in the kitchen
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Tue Jun 12 05:32:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qi77u/irrationally_angry_at_husband_for_his_help_in_the/
---
I’m in hardcore restrict mode. Doing great, losing lots. But my husband loves this chocolate chip paleo banana bread I maken so I’ve been making 2 loaves a week for him to eat for breakfasts and desserts. I have no problem cooking and baking while restricting, it actually helps me a lot to be around food and feel like I’m enjoying it without eating it.

Well I baked the loaves, and was having an extraordinarily hard day. Wanted to binge on all the things. I made the mistake of saying “I want to eat everything” out loud before I went to go take a shower. When I came back out, he was cutting up the banana bread, pieces and crumbs everywhere on the counter, chopped in weird, uneven pieces and literally just shredded up.

I. WAS. SO. MAD.

I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO MEASURING, WEIGHING, SLICING PERFECT SLICES, AND WRAPPING THEM INDIVIDUALLY!!!!!

I have a freaking system!!!!!! And on the off-chance I did have a piece, I need to know what’s in each piece, and how to log it!!!! And I couldn’t even go back and weigh everything again because he ate a piece, and mixed up the two loaves.

I was so so so so mad. Anorexia’s like “that bitch is sabotaging you” and “now you can’t even have one piece. Or you have to eat all the pieces.”

It’s not safe anymore for me to eat. I feel like he ruined it. I tried to be thankful because he said he didn’t want me to have to cut them up when I felt bingey. I get it. I really do. But I couldn’t help but he irrationally angry.

I have food systems and when I can’t use them or control everything about what I eat, I just don’t eat. 😭

WHY AM I LIKE THIS.

---

[Help] SO support/SO damage
/u/headandcolder
Created: Tue Jun 12 05:15:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qi3zi/so_supportso_damage/
---
I’ve recently noticed my athletic, food-conscious boyfriend making or ordering meals JUST so he can feed me bites.

He eats these meals too (guessing because he’s seen me stop eating when he finishes). He generally doesn’t like eating this much and sometimes has mentioned side effects like feeling uncomfortable or bloated. He eats normal meals during the day (while I fast) and does this at night. But to be clear, he hasn’t SAID he’s doing this for me...it’s just kinda obvious when he picks my favorite foods and clearly doesn’t enjoy the food he was “just craving.”

On the one hand, I’m sobbing because I don’t deserve this wonderful person and he supports me so much and makes my life a million times better.

On the other, should I ask him to stop/free him of this “responsibility”? I feel like he could be damaging his mental and physical health trying to help me.

it’s like the only thing that’s really helped me eat the past few months :(

---

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend keeps eating my food
/u/bmalaur
Created: Tue Jun 12 04:21:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qhu2t/my_boyfriend_keeps_eating_my_food/
---
Not only am I fucking broke but I only buy really specific safe foods. I went to the store last night on my way home from work and all I bought was a single fucking quest bar to eat for breakfast. We went out to dinner and I didn't eat anything. He ate the largest, most calorie filled meal possible came home and sometime between 9\-10pm ATE MY FUCKING QUEST BAR without asking me.

Now it's 6AM and I am crying and can't even fucking wake him up to scream at him because then he'd continue thinking I'm \~emotional\~. We've had a convo about not eating my food dozens of times now and I'm freaking the fuck out. I planned eating this whole stupid bar for the last 24 hours.

---

[Other] Crying myself to sleep at 3am 😔🤙 Gotta lose what little water is remaining in my body, sis
/u/neutralities
Created: Tue Jun 12 03:39:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qhmte/crying_myself_to_sleep_at_3am_gotta_lose_what/
---
I sound like a complete nut case, but my Mom triggers my ED habits and depressive episodes rly badly? I've been lying here for 5 hours crying because I'm just!! So stupidly upset!!

Every day, since the beginning of the year, I have done the dishes in the morning, and my mom has done the dishes at night and run the dishwasher so I can unload it in the morning.

Tonight, after dinner, I could hear her SCREAMING at my Dad - I go upstairs, and she's yelling at him because my sister and I didn't clean up after dinner?? She was like, "I shouldn't have to tell you to do this!" And I was like "?? I cleaned the kitchen this morning? I always do the morning dishes??" and then she continued to just yell at me to go away??

ANYWAYS, this is like, the third fight I've had with her in 3 days, and I genuinely feel like my brain is leaking out my ears. I haven't eaten since the first fight, which is probably worsening this crying fit, but I feel like I'm going absolutely crazy here.

I feel like a complete baby crying like this, but I don't know what else to do right now!!! I need to go to bed and stop crying!!! This is such a fucking stupid thing to freakout over, yet here I am bawling my eyes out like a moron. 😔 I don't know...

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[Rant/Rave] I can’t sleep because when I try I just feel all of my fat and then I just get depressed, anxious, and angry
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Tue Jun 12 02:30:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qhbsz/i_cant_sleep_because_when_i_try_i_just_feel_all/
---
I hate my body it just disgusts me. Just the thought of it repulses me. I’ve been stuck at 114.4 and it’s really depressing me. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get to 112 by the end of the week. I’m gonna try to do a fast day and exercise hella amounts. And then after that I’ll get to 110. Then 108. Then 106. And maybe beyond. I’m just so upset and disturbed at my body and there’s no way to quickly escape it.
If anyone has tips on how I can break this stall, they’d be much appreciated!

---

[Help] Tired of bulimia
/u/richnskinny
Created: Tue Jun 12 02:29:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qhbhl/tired_of_bulimia/
---
How many times will I go through this cycle before I can just stop

I stop when I realize how pointless it is. I stop, and get more disciplined with my choice of foods. Aka barely eating. Maybe an orange for breakfast & a salad for dinner and Diet Coke all day! This discipline lasts for a few weeks BUT THEN something happens. Maybe life gets stressful or depressing or my period! So I think I can eat a bag of cookies, and like 2 veggie burgers. And It’s the first time I’ve tasted that amount of food in a month so i dig in and I let myself do that for a few days, eating whatever I want because I’m skinny enough to handle it right? But no, by day 3 or 4 I realize my waist and thighs are expanding and I actually CANNOT afford to eat these things. But it’s too hard to just quit cold turkey so I eat a pizza then feel like a whale and purge! Then feel relieved that it’s no longer in my stomach but also out of control... (me right now) maybe this goes on for a couple more days, THEN I am back to my perfect diet ......

FUCKKKKKKKKKK. It’s been almost a year of this shit. ... it is so frustrating to not be able to control myself like Can I die instead??? :( or just waste away in bed, never getting up until i am thin

-If I eat too much & gain weight I feel disgusting
-If i eat and throw up I feel better, but then kinda crazy and out of control for doing such an extreme thing. Then I get tired of putting in all that effort (physically taxing on the throat & body + sneaking + have to clean up + feel bad for waste of money on food)
-When restricting I feel like a goddess but it’s only a matter of time until i convince myself a bag of chips is OK, which it is, until 1 bag has turned into 6 bags & I feel gross and huge! Cycle repeats

Logically the answer is to just control myself forever

Something that helps is remembering how much comes out. The amount that comes out can be shocking when it’s been a while.
Like I ate lettuce wraps, a burrito, and oatmeal. 3 things but the amount that came out is like a feast!?!?! Wtf. Food looks small until it’s all mashed up!?!?

& actually it’s not the calories that bother me it’s the feeling of the mass of food in my stomach and how it gives you a food baby. So even when i fill up on too much salad, i still purge it

---

[Help] Eating issues.
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Tue Jun 12 02:15:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qh9cy/eating_issues/
---
When I don't eat, I'm perfectly fine not eating. Once I start to eat, I binge. I'll back to the I don't want to eat after 3-4 hours, but I have a hard time keeping myself from food during that time period. Help lol.

---

Those who feel cold all the time, how do you deal with it?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Tue Jun 12 01:28:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qh1sp/those_who_feel_cold_all_the_time_how_do_you_deal/
---
Have been struggling with the cold in the office. I wore three thin layers, drink hot coffee, and am still struggling. Any tips on how to deal with it?

Not sure if its because my body is malnourished that causes the cold.

---

[Rant/Rave] sometimes school is triggering for my ED
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Tue Jun 12 01:27:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qh1kd/sometimes_school_is_triggering_for_my_ed/
---
We have to read a text and answer some questions about it in French class and the title of the text is literally 'Is it dangerous to lose weight?' and it's triggered my common sense that what I'm doing is indeed dangerous. I'm still not gonna do anything about it, I can't even do anything about it, because the ED is completely in control. I feel bad now because I want to change and I know I have to but I can't because of my ED and this text triggered all of it. Thanks French...

---

This is my only support system lol
/u/bunnywithbpd
Created: Tue Jun 12 01:26:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qh1gr/this_is_my_only_support_system_lol/
---
My boyfriend does not give a shit if I didn't eat for four days straight.
My family jokes about me throwing up my food, or comment how I'm getting fat for eating chips after I lost 25+ pounds.
I have no friends who can understand what I'm going through, which is understandable if you never had an ED.

And you know what? Every single thing that made me feel terrible, like my friends becoming distant, my dad yelling at me or my boyfriend telling me to "get over it" I secretly just think to myself *at least I'm not eating* and suddenly I don't want to cry or rip my hair out and everything seems more tolerable.

So here I am, 12:30 in the morning, alone on my laptop, binge eating and then purging even though last time "was the last time" because I don't have anything else but this to keep me comfort when I'm sad.

---

I just need to process.
/u/sagittorius
Created: Tue Jun 12 01:12:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qgyss/i_just_need_to_process/
---
Hi everyone: this is pretty much just me rambling and trying to figure stuff out.

It’s no wonder that my ed is resurfacing again right now. I’ve never been great at dealing with change. During times of change I get stressed easily and over analyze everything in an attempt to figure out how to behave in the new social situation.

Adulting is so. Fucking. Hard. I don’t even know where to begin.

I graduated from university one year ago, I’ve been a mother for three years, and I’ve been married for been married for 4 years.

I got married when I was 24. I spent what should have been my junior and senior years of college in treatment, then I ran away to become a yoga teacher and ended up meeting and falling in love with my husband. I met my husband two months before I turned 22, and we’ve been living together for 7 years.

We’ve had our struggles, but life has never been more difficult than after I graduated from college.

I now have to financially responsible (I should have been the whole time). I have to be a good wife and mother because people depend on me. And my age is super awkward because all the other parents I know are much older than me, much more established in their careers, and own nice homes.

My husband and I achieved our milestones a bit out of order. Or, we thought we were in a good financial place to plan for a child. Smh I was young, stupid, and had baby fever. He gave in (it wasn’t a hard sell at all) and agreed to try for a baby.

When we is around, I’m a shitty mom. I get impatient, frustrated, short tempered. Today I purged lunch and had to shop my 3 year old out of the bathroom while I was doing it. This is so fucked up! Purging should never be so important that I choose to do it around my kid.,,

My husband knows about my relapse and is supportive.

All my ed behaviors are so counterproductive to my goals. I want to perform well at work, be a good wife and mother, and have extra time to do things I like to do.

When I restrict and purge, I get weak, tired, grumpy, anxious, and mean.

But my ed keeps telling me that 1) I won’t do a good job unless I’m pretty and thin 2) No clients will want to work with me if I’m not pretty and thin 3) I’m not pretty or thin because I’m a mom and no longer look like I’m 22.

I am 5’3”. Prior to motherhood, my lw was 104 lbs. I weighed 120 lbs and was in recovery when I got pregnant. I gained 65 lbs during pregnancy (because I finally let myself eat as much as I wanted). After the birth, I lost the 35 pregnancy pounds almost instantly, but I still had another 30 to lose. I breast fed, so I couldn’t go below a certain amount of kCal or my milk would dry up. Unfortunately, breastfeeding did not help me shed much more weight.

My daughter is 3, and I still weigh 135. All of this shit I’ve been doing lately has been in a vain attempt at ditching those last 15 pounds. I want to look like all the moms who are thin and gorgeous.

I look too mom-like and adult for my tastes.

I don’t feel mature at all. I know so little about actually being an adult and interacting with others in the adult world of professional jobs and parents at school functions.

I feel like that meme of the golden retriever wearing chemistry goggles with the captions “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

---

[Discussion] is anyone else skeptical every time someone doesn’t think you are ugly?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Tue Jun 12 00:57:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qgw2s/is_anyone_else_skeptical_every_time_someone/
---
as I’ve been losing weight, people have been a lot nicer and less condescending towards me, I get hit on more, and people give me compliments more frequently. first I’m really surprised, then I’m extremely flattered and it makes me happy that someone is being nice to me, then I start to think about what motivations they have to have said that and I do a lot of mental gymnastics to turn it into something negative and it makes me feel worse about myself because I no longer feel like it’s a genuine compliment

for example, the other day, a coworker told me I was pretty and I was in a good mood for like a minute, but then somehow I came to the conclusion that the types of girls he finds attractive are unattractive to me and probably to the general populace, which means I’m actually ugly. when my boyfriend and ex’s say something nice about me, I feel like they’re just doing it out of obligation to not hurt my feelings and they’re dating me because they’re desperate. when girls compliment me, even friends, I think they’re making fun of me and encouraging me to keep looking the way I look for a laugh idk

---

[Rant/Rave] Feel so alone
/u/charcoal666
Created: Tue Jun 12 00:46:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qgu6d/feel_so_alone/
---
I really wish I had friends. I mean, it's stupid and makes me sound so immature but I'm just so lonely. I'm in my last 2 years of high school and my only friend apart from my family is my anorexia. I'd love to talk to anyone on here and be friends. I know I'm young but this community is so diverse and supportive. I've lurked here for a long time. Anyone want to be friends?

---

i hate this disorder and i hate the fact more that im not diagnosed
/u/sadgab_
Created: Tue Jun 12 00:12:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qgo2g/i_hate_this_disorder_and_i_hate_the_fact_more/
---
*this is a fairly pointless rant im making while delirious from not eating and over exercising late at night, most of it probably doesn't make sense and it really doesn't require a response*

its 1am and should be doing my homework due for lecture tomorrow but i cant do it because i am way too preoccupied watching "my anorexia story" videos on youtube while doing intense workouts until i collapse on the floor and then getting my breath back and doing another one and another and another. i hate this disorder except i dont even officially have an eating disorder because i am not underweight and i want help but i dont want help until i am underweight and people will believe that there really is something wrong with me. i just hate feeling this terrible and looking healthy, i am mentally so far from healthy but no one can tell. i am just gonna keep up with this shit until i am finally sick enough for someone to help me get help. i just want to actually have an eating disorder and get help for my real disorder. cause this shit im going through right now is stupid

---

Halo Top has eggs in it :(
/u/little_milkee
Created: Mon Jun 11 23:47:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qgj8j/halo_top_has_eggs_in_it/
---
I was so excited to see it in store today because low! cal! ice! cream!!!!

I almost forgot to check the packaging in my excitement (but I guess if I'm dead I don't have to worry about my waist line) but then I did and found out it has eggs in it :(

no Halo Top for me :(

---

I’m becoming addicted to fasting
/u/fruitlops
Created: Mon Jun 11 23:43:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qgil4/im_becoming_addicted_to_fasting/
---
I’m not satisfied by just a low calorie count for the day anymore. If I eat outside my eating window at all (1 hour eat, 48-60 hours fast) I feel sick with disappointment. I’m trying to tell myself I’m just trying to reap the ~miraculous health benefits~ of fasting like autophagy and mental clarity but it’s really about losing weight the fastest.

I’m living abroad for a few months for work, and not having any friends here is hugely helpful in the ED department lol, but I keep blowing off every social opportunity my coworkers invite me to (because they all involve food!!!) and I know I’m doing damage to my professional reputation. But I just can’t stop...

---

[Rant/Rave] nightmares about food
/u/sleepyboyblue
Created: Mon Jun 11 22:50:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qg82p/nightmares_about_food/
---
for my omad yesterday i had toast with a small bit of butter because ive been craving it for weeks, in total would be no more than 150 cals. last night i had a nightmare that i found out that butter was 2000 calories per 1/2 tsp and woke up freaking the fuck out hahhaaa i hate this 😂😂😂 does anyone else ever have these types of nightmares?? wanna know im not alone in this lmao

---

[Rant/Rave] I just want it to stop.
/u/artbookstea
Created: Mon Jun 11 22:32:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qg4iq/i_just_want_it_to_stop/
---
I have too many other things to be bothered by without having my thoughts over run by food, and my self esteem driven into the ground based on what I have or haven't eaten. I'm so sad guys, and I don't see anything getting better.

I know it wouldn't really be an improvement, but I really do wish I just felt nothing at all, or could sleep forever, or even just be dead.

---

[Discussion] I just had a hypoglycemic attack
/u/CepheidVox
Created: Mon Jun 11 22:00:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qfxm6/i_just_had_a_hypoglycemic_attack/
---
I've been restricting too low amd exercising most days and I gave myself very low blood sugar; headache, nausea, shaking, dizziness, panic attack. I'm going to try to eat more for a while but I feel awful about it. I hate that I'm hurting my body... I just hate how I look even more, I guess.

Stay safe everyone. ❤

---

[Rant/Rave] relapsing hard
/u/yellobunny
Created: Mon Jun 11 21:51:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qfvr5/relapsing_hard/
---
An ex friend that i hadn't even spoken to in weeks had been harassing my mum all weekend since I had blocked her, decided to tell me (on somebody else's account) to go kill myself, and then later said the same thing to my mum, then went to try kill herself and her parents rang my mum and screamed at her saying how it's my fault that she is literally killing herself right now despite me never messaging her once, and all my mum basically said was that she needed to grow up and leave me alone. I've found out now that she didn't even harm herself and is fine but I am so mentally fucked up from all of her actions that I haven't eaten anything since I found out she had supposedly attempted suicide and I'm so angry because she'll never understand how her actions affect people. It's frustrating because I do try so hard to recover but in times like this I just cannot help but relapse and try regain some form of control during times of trauma and i'm just so upset

---

Relapse...
/u/Ivernya
Created: Mon Jun 11 21:45:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qfuh7/relapse/
---
I've been properly diagnosed as having anorexia back when I started high school. I was heavy for my height at about 150 pounds. Once I finished high school, I was down to 106. I would eat 200 calories a day, and run/walk for hours. Then, I got sick of it taking over my life, about when I was 20 or so, and slowly made my way up to 2 meals a day/700-800 calories (but I made sure never more than 1000). I was doing better than I had in a long time. However, due to various major changes in my life, (not all bad), and just with so much going on, I slowly stopped eating, and now, I'm back down to one meal a day. I feel so ashamed because I'd been doing so well (for myself) in terms of progress, and the fear of getting fat, not running/walking even if I miss a day (I exercise as it helps with my anxiety), that I don't eat anything and just drink water. I think my trigger was that I recently got engaged, and my fiance and I want a kid (or two), and now that it's getting closer to that point in my life, (I'm 24, we own a house, I work more or less full time, so does he) I get so scared of getting fat while pregnant, but then I also so badly want a baby but I worry about making sure I eat enough to sustain both myself and a baby... Sorry if I'm rambling, or if it seems scattered. I just feel so scared...any advice would help.

---

Have you ever thought about what clothes you want to be buried in?
/u/finnkat
Created: Mon Jun 11 21:35:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qfs6r/have_you_ever_thought_about_what_clothes_you_want/
---
I purged the first time in about a month and my heart was going crazy. I feel like if I don't die from this then I'll probably kill myself soon anyway. I'm so sick of being fat, I'm roughly 90lbs and have what looks like a baby bump, i think it's because all I eat is pop and fast food but it's too hard to stop and I'm never going to be happy anyway so why bother. But I don't want people to see how big my stomach is when I have a funeral so I've been looking for what I want to wear lol. Anybody else have such skewed priorities that they've thought about this too?

---

I feel attacked
/u/Kinsley125
Created: Mon Jun 11 21:27:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qfqh4/i_feel_attacked/
---
https://i.imgur.com/CsmJHkw.jpg

---

I haven't throw up on purpose in almost a year
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Mon Jun 11 21:22:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qfp6u/i_havent_throw_up_on_purpose_in_almost_a_year/
---
but every time I overeat, I want to so badly.

---

It's pretty real & scary how you gradually descend into neurosis the more you restrict
/u/2fckk
Created: Mon Jun 11 21:10:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qfmhr/its_pretty_real_scary_how_you_gradually_descend/
---
I only recently realized that when I'm eating a "recovered" amount of food consistently, I don't skin-pick at all (pop pimples on my face, squeeze blackheads, etc.). However when I'm about a week or two into restriction, I stand in front of the mirror for 20-30 minutes compulsively picking my face until I'm swollen and bleeding. When I snap out of it and see myself doing what I'm doing, I'm startled and taken aback by my demeanor and actions. Ew, ugh, hard to write out and view objectively.

It's difficult for me to acknowledge this but I think it's indicative of my general demeanor when I've been restricting which is paranoid, sad, worried, despondent, detached, void of logic. My thoughts spiral into neurotic reasoning and I'm a pretty different person I guess. I mean yeah, I am a different person.

When I restrict, I am **ACTIVELY AND PROGRESSIVELY** starving my brain of nutrients it needs to operate properly and I slip into a detached, dark spiral. shit I don't wanna do this to myself but especially not to the people around me.

---

[Help] Harm reduction supplements?
/u/pickles023
Created: Mon Jun 11 21:08:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qfm29/harm_reduction_supplements/
---
So I went to the doctor today. It didn’t go well. He did a blood test and everything, he thinks I’m at least anemic. Apparently my weight loss is too fast (which I know), and he didn’t think it was intentional (thank god). So now he’s thinking there’s something seriously wrong with me.

So he’s asked me write down what I eat until I see him again next week for a second blood test and the results of the first. Which is no problem, I can just fluff it out with other stuff I guess.

But this whole ordeal has made me realize that I should probably be taking some supplements just for harm reduction. Right now all I take is b12. What supplements do you guys take?


TL;DR : I need help with supplements.

---

[Rant/Rave] Binged so badly today
/u/bboombbboom
Created: Mon Jun 11 20:51:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qfhty/binged_so_badly_today/
---
I ate about 6k today now that I’ve counted everything. I feel horrible.

---

[Discussion] DAE hate keeping things in their pant pockets?
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Mon Jun 11 20:50:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qfhk4/dae_hate_keeping_things_in_their_pant_pockets/
---
I always feel like even just my phone and wallet make my hips/waist look MASSIVE. Back pocket is slightly better because I can't see it but I feel so huge when my front pockets aren't empty :|

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[Rant/Rave] I might start purging
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Mon Jun 11 20:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qff1e/i_might_start_purging/
---
I’ve been stuck at 114.4 for too long and I feel like I’m eating a small enough amount. So I guess I’ll have to start restricting even more and exercising more. But I might start purging since I’m home alone most days and I can eat and just vomit it back up. That should help me get past this plateau. I literally hate my body it’s so gross and frustrating.

---

On Being Home
/u/TouchedDistortion
Created: Mon Jun 11 20:09:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qf7mi/on_being_home/
---
I'm visiting home from school because I have family in from out of town. Both my parents noticed my weight loss and commented on it, my mom saying she would be concerned if she wasn't so small as well - I did it?? I lost weight, no one knows it was in an unhealthy way AND if I lose a bit more (like I plan to) no one's going to think much of it!! I feel like I'm floating, like I got away with it??

ALSO just a side note, I asked my mom if my outfit for dinner tonight was okay and she said (and I quote) - "You weigh like six pounds everything looks good on you" (I'm not that small still on the very healthy side of BMIs but still, I'm feeling pretty good)

---

[Tip] Going to college
/u/astro-punk
Created: Mon Jun 11 20:03:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qf66m/going_to_college/
---
I am going into college this fall and I am terrified of the freshman 15. I'm afraid that I am not going to be able to control my stress eating and get super fat. Anyone have any tips on how to avoid this?

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[Goal] I am so fucking out of control. Officially not eating again until I am stick thin.
/u/richnskinny
Created: Mon Jun 11 19:57:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qf4ug/i_am_so_fucking_out_of_control_officially_not/
---
Maybe it’ll take a month of eating like 5 carrots a day. Then after that I’ll eat nothing but salads. Enough is enough. I’ve been using food as an emotional crutch for almost 2 weeks now as if it’s a drug. Even 3 lbs difference looks bad on me because it’s far from what I want. I need to find a new replacement addiction.... maybe shopping will do it. Instead of thinking of food I should be thinking about clothes. Like oooh handbags. Oooh Diamonds.. Ooh new furniture. Material things will be my new obsession while I am ignoring the existence of food. there’s more to my image than my bod anyway... what’s a body? What’s food? wish me luck

---

[Discussion] What are your earliest ED related thoughts/memories/experiences?
/u/rocksnowls
Created: Mon Jun 11 19:57:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qf4pr/what_are_your_earliest_ed_related/
---
I'd consider my first *real* encounter with ed thoughts to have been when i was 12/13 and saw breaking dawn part 1. Bella's corpse-like body during her pregnancy made me intensely jealous in a way that wasn't like typical jealousy; it was closer to motivational jealousy. I remember my child-mind thinking "hey, this movie is so much like real life that if i stopped eating like bella, i could easily look like her in a matter of months!". Guess what i did? I tried to stop eating of course! I don't even remember it being a struggle, i just *stopped*. I don't think i lost any weight but I certainly messed with my puberty. I didn't get my period until i was 16ish (which from what i can tell is rare for my bloodline) and now i only get my period once or twice a year.

Technically i'm pretty sure i struggled with body image issues as early as 3 years old (there was an incident where i tightly wrapped my abdomen in an attempt to lose the bulge of my tummy), but i mean, for sure my undoubtedly first real run in with ed's was when i watched breaking dawn part 1 :p

---

[Rant/Rave] The Dream Meal: Roasted Peppers, Zero cal mustard and Black Iced Coffee
/u/callmeatheorist
Created: Mon Jun 11 19:56:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qf4h4/the_dream_meal_roasted_peppers_zero_cal_mustard/
---
https://i.redd.it/rhws9olb8h311.jpg

---

a new post-binge/coping low
/u/arabella_05
Created: Mon Jun 11 19:50:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qf30n/a_new_postbingecoping_low/
---
lol the title sounds super serious but anyway I spent all of yesterday binging on crisps (my kryptonite, see: my bmi)

and i had one packet left (mccoy's cheddar and onion - when u know u know). OMAD right guys lol. and ofc BED means if u have food anywhere u need to eat it now bc then... it's not there to binge on later right? ... right guys ? i love lying to myself lol

anyway so i'm starving and i ate the crisps and now i'm still so fucking hungry that i'm literally sitting in bed smelling my hand bc it smells like the crisps (rly strong smelling) and if anyone was to see me right now they'd think i was a pervert lmao. but i've had four coffees today and it's 3am so what else can i do except watch amberlynn reid on YT and smell my crisp-scented hand because i can't sleep...

---

[Help] can anyone recommend a podcast?
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Mon Jun 11 19:48:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qf2pm/can_anyone_recommend_a_podcast/
---
I am looking for a good, not too hippie/spiritual, podcast about recovery from eating disorders. Has anyone found something that worked?

---

[Other] Do any other bulimics have a persistent unproductive cough?
/u/_lithelife
Created: Mon Jun 11 19:35:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qezep/do_any_other_bulimics_have_a_persistent/
---
I am constantly coughing. It feels like something is stuck at the back of the base of my throat. Sometimes it’ll clear for a moment, but as soon as I swallow it comes right back.


It kinda feels like when you’re sick and you have a phlegmy cough, but not quite everything comes up and so you keep clearing your throat.


I know I’m getting so annoying, it makes it hard to fall asleep (like it isn’t hard enough) and it’s driving me insane



Pls help

---

DAE: Spend hours extreme-FaceTuning photos of themselves
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Mon Jun 11 19:30:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qey5y/dae_spend_hours_extremefacetuning_photos_of/
---
It is probably one of my most unhealthy and favorite pastimes. It is such a problem but it is *so* motivating to see what I "could" look like if I kept up the hard work lol. I'm 24 hours into a fast and just spent 45 minutes FaceTuning a photo my friend took of me yesterday. Sometimes I even FaceTune my bigger friends in group photos so we're all small. I'm a horrible person jesus christ.

---

[Help] What to do when food isn’t filling?
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Mon Jun 11 19:06:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qes60/what_to_do_when_food_isnt_filling/
---
I get in these phases where I eat ALOT but food isn’t filling, so I eat more. It’s a vicious cycle that makes me feel like shit. This is tmi but I’ve also been having bathroom issues all day so I dunno if that’s affecting anything atm or if my system is just being off

I’ve been drinking water and Gatorade and sipping on milk. It’s not helping :( what do you do when food isn’t fixing your hunger?

---

My weak ass body has made it. Food genuinely makes me feel sick.
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Mon Jun 11 18:22:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qehbz/my_weak_ass_body_has_made_it_food_genuinely_makes/
---
My body is so weak at the moment. It's riddled with malnutrition, I feel so weak and most of the time, I can't even stand up straight. I slept for 19 hours because I hadn't been able to sleep the two nights prior to that and after getting up almost immediately had to lie down again. A few hours ago, I couldn't even sit. I was so weak my body didn't have the energy to, I was shaking and felt like I was close to fainting, I had to ask my friend to pick me up by car so I wouldn't have to walk for 5 minutes, because I genuinely thought I wouldn't make it.

I had only had 200 calories today, but then some friends invited me over, so I planned to have my monthly cheat day. But instead of looking forward to it, I was dreading it. So I forced myself to have it, to remind myself of how good food actually is. Eventually I had some fries, a few chicken bits, and half a burger. Typing it out like this it seems so little, but it felt like I was going to wake up 5 pounds heavier tomorrow. It felt wrong. Every bite I was thinking 'ten calories. not worth it.', every bite felt like caloric anger being pushed down my mouth.

It felt like I needed to throw up. I'm anorexic, I don't really purge, but it felt like I had to. It felt like the food was making me sick. Hours later I still feel it sitting in my stomach and it's making me sick. It feels so wrong. Why is there food in there? Why isn't it empty? It's making me so sad and disappointed and angry and I hate that I feel this way and I don't know when I crossed the line from trying to lose weight to becoming.. this. I mean, I know when it happened, but I don't know when it clicked. I wish I could go back to that moment.. I really do.

This is basically suicide but longer and still kind of trying to fight. It's living hell. Get out of here while you can.

---

Recovered out of nowhere?
/u/FunnyPhanie
Created: Mon Jun 11 18:09:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qee4t/recovered_out_of_nowhere/
---
I'm not sure how, but it seems like I recovered out of nowhere. I used to be obsessive about body image, weight, food, etc for months. I would spend hours upon hours every day on MPA or reddit talking about anorexia and reading peoples' posts and felt that I belonged. But somehow I am kind of recovered. I don't stare at every reflective surface/wall so that I can do a body check. I don't meticulously count my calories (I still count though, usually). I eat food and don't feel guilty about it. I have no idea how this happened, and it's actually kind of scary. I have felt a positive increase in my mood after being put on antidepressants, so maybe I am finally feeling the effects of it, which led to a recovery? I was never diagnosed, but I was pretty sure that I would have been diagnosed with anorexia. I have been "recovered" for about 1.5 to 2 weeks. I still restrict my calories to 1200 sometimes (I'm 5'1" and 120 lbs, so it's healthy, considering my TDEE is about 1600\-1800), sometimes I eat closer to 1000, sometimes I eat 1800. I wonder if it's a combination of the antidepressants and taking a break from pro ED websites, but I have no idea, and I don't know if I'm fully recovered or if this is just a phase. I still want to be very skinny and tiny, and I still feel fat, but I feel like I'm significantly better than before but out of nowhere? It's so weird. I mean, knowing me, I'll likely just spiral back into a full\-blown ED in a couple of weeks so that I can lose the rest of the weight, but I'm still confused lol.

Has anyone else had this happen?

---

[Tip] Tips for weighing yourself?
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Mon Jun 11 18:06:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qeddi/tips_for_weighing_yourself/
---
Okay so I know first thing in the morning after going to the bathroom and naked. But I try and do some Pilates in the morning so should I weigh before that? And what about showering?

---

The binge and purge cycle starterpack
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Mon Jun 11 18:04:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qecuf/the_binge_and_purge_cycle_starterpack/
---
https://i.redd.it/niolc1o31g311.jpg

---

[Rant/Rave] My ED Controls Me Completely Now
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Mon Jun 11 17:04:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qdyd2/my_ed_controls_me_completely_now/
---
I live with my boyfriend and his parents. He is currently at work. I just went grocery shopping and bought all of my safe foods. I come home to find my boyfriend's parents ordered pizza. PANIC IMMEDIATELY SETS IN. Its 7pm and I've only eaten 350 cals but I can't justify this pizza. Because I am home alone with them, they invite me to eat pizza with them. Me, being incredibly passive and socially anxious, I agree. But the thing is, I couldn't even bring myself to eat it. I took a slice, cut it up with a fork, kinda moved it around the plate.... chewed and spit it into a napkin. They didn't notice, but I feel like a piece of shit.

AND NOOWWWWW, I am f r e a k i n g out that the small bits of pizza I may have swallowed will make me gain weight. Even though I chewed and spit it. I'm so anxious, I feel like crying. I'm 24 years old and I cannot even bring myself to eat a slice of pizza. I dont know if I can eat anything else tonight. I'm seriously tearing up typing this. ):

---

Forced to drink Heavy Whipping Cream at the doc today
/u/WhatsAMooseSay
Created: Mon Jun 11 16:47:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qdu0y/forced_to_drink_heavy_whipping_cream_at_the_doc/
---
Went in for a scan because my gall bladder is a lil bitch and can't hang after 14 years of bulimia - everything I read online said they'd give me meds to make the gall bladder contract during the scan but because this is Backwards Midwest USA, they just had me drink TWELVE OUNCES OF HEAVY WHIPPING CREAM.

I panicked.
Couldn't purge.
Caused immense pain.
Confirmed: gall bladder is broken.

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm on the edge. I can't take it anymore.
/u/whats-the-point-ugh
Created: Mon Jun 11 16:31:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qdpsj/im_on_the_edge_i_cant_take_it_anymore/
---
I worked 10 days in a row straight at a nursing home. I still have 2 more days until I can get a day off. Please don't tell me I'm weak/useless for not being able to take so many shifts in a row please

I'm already anxious because my work added shifts without my permission, I haven't had a weeked off in a month and my health is in the shitter. They moved me off of my usual floor with people I barely know and yet the resident and staff expect me to know their life story and get so mean when they don't.

I can't remember anything. I have a job and I thought I did it properly. I guess I didn't because I came back to work with my boss saying I got a complaint that I didn't clean properly from my bitchy co worker AGAIN when I really did try to remember and yet I'm still stupid as shit. I recently got on Ritalin for my ADHD because I can't even remember stuff like where my own HOUSE is

I hope I end up in the hospital so that I don't have to go to work anymore. I went to the Drs today and I officially got diagnosed with being underweight, a heart rate of 48 and blood pressure of 89/70. I'm 5'4 and 106 pounds. I can't even do eating disorder right, I don't even look skinny

I wish I was gone so I could stop bothering people

---

I’m so mad at myself
/u/twelvefeeetdeep
Created: Mon Jun 11 15:49:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qdefo/im_so_mad_at_myself/
---
I was doing so good and dropping to my goal weight but I’ve been so depressed lately and for the past week I can NOT stop binging!!! I keep telling myself that “tomorrow” I’ll get back to how I was before only eating a clif bar during my lunch break at work but the tomorrows just keep coming and even the guilt that I’m CONSTANTLY feeling isn’t stopping me. Ugh

---

[Other] this isn't really ed related but I gotta get it off my chest and need opinions.
/u/skelefuk
Created: Mon Jun 11 15:40:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qdbwx/this_isnt_really_ed_related_but_i_gotta_get_it/
---
So I guess I have what you'd call minor hallucinations. I frequently see the walls kind of melting, ceilings move around like water, and small animals running around me. I've mentioned this to my psychiatrist and he suggested they may be ptsd related but I really don't think so.

Not to long ago I was out practicing driving with my boyfriend and it was a bit rainy but not much. He said "look out for that deer" so I looked to the ditch and noticed the deer and that it wasn't coming into the road. I looked back to the road and suddenly there was a fawn right in the middle of my lane. I started breaking and yelled "oh my god!' but I kept driving cause I know your not supposed to swerve or break really and my boyfriend was just like "what..???" and suddenly i just drove through the deer. It took me a few seconds to comprehend but then I realized that there was never a deer there in the first place and I was really shaken up... idk what this could be and I seriously don't want it effecting my life like it's starting to.

---

[Rant/Rave] Conflicted feelings about progress
/u/anniesboobs3005
Created: Mon Jun 11 15:19:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qd5x6/conflicted_feelings_about_progress/
---
Today, I weighed myself for the first time since I started restricting again and realized (for the first time in our relationship) that I weigh less than my boyfriend.

(A little background: I've always had pretty intense restriction urges, but due to some misguided advice in my teens I thought the best way to beat those was to binge. As a result, my weight soared and hit 200 pounds at it's highest, and my relationship with food isn't exactly healthy.)

On one hand, I'm disappointed in myself for not fighting my restriction urges, and I feel like I'm failing a lot of the time... But on the other hand, I'm finally starting to like the way I look and I feel better without constantly eating junk all the time, and being lighter then my boyfriend has been a goal of mine since we started dating. I know being 174.4 is still overweight (I'm 5'6"/21F), and I'm still wanting to lose, it just feels like no matter what I do I'm failing. I want to be healthy, but right now that also sounds like failure and I'm not sure how to make myself feel better. Sorry for the kinda long post, I just don't know who else to turn to.

---

[Discussion] hosting dinner tonight in a very sneaky way.
/u/x-ko
Created: Mon Jun 11 15:14:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qd4b9/hosting_dinner_tonight_in_a_very_sneaky_way/
---
It's one of my biggest fears.

Having to cook a whole meal...for other people. With my boyfriend it's easy. I dish our bowls or plates, nibble while he wolfs his down, and then offer him the rest of mine. He works long hours at a physically demanding job and is never against cleaning our plates.

But other people means more than just enough food for us. And this was sending me into a bit of a dramatic meltdown until I stumbled upon a recipe for lasagna...in rolls.

Check it out: you're making a huge casserole dish of lasagne but each noodle is rolled up around the filling instead of layered.

Each roll is around 300cal.

It looks like a lot of food. Like a whole serving of regular lasagna but it's a single noodle and a tablespoon and a half of filling with some sauce dressed on it.

So I can not only look like a normal person cooking for Boy and his Coworkers, but I can stick the little rolls in Tupperware and send the guys home with them as leftovers too.

I'm feeling good about it, it's sneaky but not TOO sneaky :)

---

[Help] Brother's Graduation meal - fuck me help
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Mon Jun 11 15:07:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qd2ad/brothers_graduation_meal_fuck_me_help/
---
Y'all hi. Next week my brother graduates and as is the norm for graduation, the fam are going out for a graduation meal.

This flips me the shit out - it's a three course meal and since I'm vegetarian I'm quite limited in what I can have:

Starter: soup, skip the bread (because goats cheese in salad is too high calorie)

Main: TORTELLINI - THIS IS SUCH A RED FLAG FOOD. I haven't eaten a pasta-based thing in fucking MONTHS and even the thought of tortellini literally fills me with the fear. Stuffed pasta fucking help me I really can't do that shit at all. I legitimately am panicking to within an inch of my life at the moment and it's still over a week away.

Dessert: F U C K M E - I won't be able to eat anything on the menu. Maybe I'll order the cheese board and nibble at something.

Drinks: There'll be champagne and red wine oh my fuck

Hell's teeth I am stressed to the highest heavens and above, not even the good lord Jesus Christ can see more of me than a pin-dot above his own head. A typical large-sized meal for me would essentially be what they're serving as the starter.

I have an appointment with a university student support person the day before which'll only put me in a terrible mood going into this meal.

I'm also off running because I've damaged my knees.

It's either die, don't turn up, don't eat at the meal, starve in the days before and after the meal, purge (I hate purging).


PLEASE HELP

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Guys I'm terrified.
/u/xveritaserumx
Created: Mon Jun 11 14:44:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qcvmq/guys_im_terrified/
---
I'm going to an ED support group (non-recovery-based) this evening. I didn't even know that was a thing but I'm honestly relieved to know that I can rant about my ED without someone telling me I need to recover.

I'm also terrified as shit to share who I am with total strangers. Strangers who will get it, but strangers nontheless.

Ahhhh!!

Will report back how it went.

(On that note if you're in Austin, TX and wanna join me, hmu.........)

---

[Other] I love this song, I can relate to it.
/u/SkeleSoul
Created: Mon Jun 11 14:29:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qcr2c/i_love_this_song_i_can_relate_to_it/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36QMyiRAv-Y

---

[Rant/Rave] On being sick: the difference between healthy and unhealthy thinness
/u/usernameblahhhhh
Created: Mon Jun 11 14:29:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qcqx3/on_being_sick_the_difference_between_healthy_and/
---
A few days ago, a video was posted here featuring a Korean makeup guru. She talked about how she maintains her naturally thin body at 5’4” and 90 lbs. I was perplexed. Here is a woman who is also underweight and eats even less than I do, but she’s fine. She’s okay at her weight. She lives a normal life, and doesn’t seem overly preoccupied with thoughts about food and her body. I had only one question: Why does my life suck when hers doesn’t?

The answer to this is uncomfortable, and I’ve spent years trying not to acknowledge it. She’s okay because she doesn’t think she’s sick. I mean… duh, right? But that’s what an eating disorder is. That’s the difference between a naturally thin person and a person with an ED -- feeling sick, feeling burdened by your eating. One person doesn’t like pasta, another feels sad because they deny themselves it. Don't underestimate the effects of stress. Why do these naturally thin people seem fine? I mean, they’re not totally fine, of course… there are problems from low weight caused by weight itself, but the vast majority of the “negative” experiences from EDs are literally because of the enormous amounts of stress and anxiety that accompany an eating disorder. Stress, short-term effects of restriction, and dangerous habits (overexercise, purging, binge/restrict, etc.). Forget set point and fast metabolisms, the reason why my life has sucked for a long time is because of physical symptoms with psychological etiology. I’m making myself miserable because I think I’m sick.

My BMI is quite low right now. I’ve wanted this for years. Instead of feeling rewarded, I feel like shit every day. I feel self-conscious about my weight, with which I’m disgusted and yet secretly satisfied. I feel anxious in public, anxious thinking about any and every bite that might next go into my mouth. My anxiety causes physical problems, too. At this point, I have literally convinced myself my weight is the cause of these problems. But actually, when I'm not stressed out I feel pretty damn good. My weight isn’t the problem. I am. I’m doing a whole lot of “not living” because I think I’m sick. This is because the only thing I’ve given meaning to in my life for the past few years is my weight loss efforts, in both their failed and revered glory.

Everyone wants to be acknowledged for their efforts. When you have an eating disorder, whether it involves restricting, binging, purging, or whatever, in a sense what you’re doing is making yourself sick, even though there’s usually a target weight in mind. I write in second person but I mean the first. It’s what I’m doing. Even though I don’t want to “be” sick, I’ve always had a perverse desire to be acknowledged as sick because it is subconsciously the sign of my achievement (consciously, it's weight). As a result, I’m making myself sick by perceiving my eating as inherently negative. By thinking about food as bad or as an enemy, by making eating a daily battle when, goddamn, it sure doesn’t need to be. I feel upset when others comment about my health or how well I look. I’ve even found myself getting secretly upset when asked to give up my seat on public transit (why not that healthy person, don’t I look sick enough?). Instead I should be glad people think I look so young and healthy. I should be glad my skin and hair look better right now than they have in years even though I’m convinced my weight is such a problem. It’s a problem because I subconsciously want it to be -- this is my “effort.” What’s gross is I’m so overwhelmed with this perverse self-pity that I continue to keep myself sick by doing things that result in negative physical symptoms. For example:

-I starve on 200 calories all day and then eat nearly 1500 in the evening.

-I use food as reward rather than fuel for exercise.

-I set arbitrary caloric limits like 1700 that I allow to control my life. I’m not going to get fat eating 1710, 1750… probably not even 1800. And the world won’t end either.

-I do things like let myself get really cold instead of bringing an extra sweater, cue symptoms.

-I barely allow myself to sleep more than four hours a night.

The past week I’ve been trying to say “fuck it.” Not entirely, but just like… a little bit. Instead of eating a tiny yogurt and then not eating again for eight hours, I’ve started having another in the day. I feel strangely more human, and strangely less concerned about food in general. If I’m hungry, I let myself have a couple crackers and then have fewer in the evening. I keep myself warm and sleep more at night. I’ve started trying to manage my negative self-image by carrying myself with the confidence I always thought I’d have at this weight. And I feel different. I’m making an active decision not to be sick. In doing so, I feel scared because I’m starting to realize I don’t have any real interests besides food and weight, and I think that’s so sad. It’s like I stopped being a person when I was just a kid, and while I learned “how” to adult, I don’t feel I have any real substance to my personality.

Choosing not to be sick is not analogous to choosing recovery. Recovery entails repairing your relationship with food and weight gain. I commend those who choose recovery, because they are braver than me. For me, personally, I don’t feel recovery is a realistic goal. At least not at this point in my life (if it is later, more power to me). But I can live more normally if I make an active decision to stop being sick. No, I can’t go have a bowl of mac and cheese without thinking the world is ending, and no, I can’t wake up in the morning and eat a bunch of pancakes and just go on with my day. I’d have crisis in the face of either. But I can change the fact that not doing these things feels like something negative. It’s that stress and negativity that is actually causing most of my problems. Letting myself perceive my eating as something stressful is something I want to change.

And I think I can. From here on out, I choose not to be sick. It doesn’t mean my problems will go away, but maybe I can start to have a bit of a life by seeing my weight as a physical attribute and not a personality trait. If I wanted this for so long, I shouldn't make myself miserable for having it. I can choose not to “be” sick and cease the self-pity that I’ve tried so hard to deny is a part of my ED because I think it makes me weak. Even if recovery is not the goal, I can try to be a little more relaxed and forgiving with myself, to do things that make me uncomfortable sometimes, and maybe, just maybe, to live a little, too.

Rant over. lol longest post ever :(

---

[Rant/Rave] University is trying to kill me - shouldn't have ever told them about ED
/u/Fake-Palindrome
Created: Mon Jun 11 13:49:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qcf21/university_is_trying_to_kill_me_shouldnt_have/
---
They literally are trying to murder me. They kicked me out for having anorexia, then kicked me out of the country so I couldn't get treatment, then they gave me a 0 grade for my finals because I didn't give them the medical evidence that I would need to be back in treatment to be able to give them. AND THEN they slapped me with more tuition fees even though they literally took away my study visa.

I want to just lay down and give up on life at this point. They don't care if I live or die as long as it's off of their grounds, as long as their bureaucracy can continue to terrorise other young adults, as long as the poor get lost and the rich can buy off all their resources.

I've been complying to the best of my efforts, but it's like they're purposefully trying to sabotage any chance I have of returning, or progressing in life anywhere else, for that matter. Every time I write to them, they take two weeks to respond. Today I got a reply to my last email (sent two weeks ago, WHO KNEW,) asking them to extend the deadline to submit my medical evidence, and they gave me *eight hours' notice* to hand that shit in, *while I was sleeping.*

Don't ever disclose your ED to university. They will squeeze the life out of you. I wish I had learned to keep it a secret.

---

My mantra is "I'm a piece of shit." (Warning: Long Rant.)
/u/PerfctBodyPerfctSoul
Created: Mon Jun 11 13:33:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qc9sz/my_mantra_is_im_a_piece_of_shit_warning_long_rant/
---
Literally, over and over, all day, it's what I say to myself. "I'm such a piece of shit."

I know that objectively, I'm not fat. I know that I have never even been overweight. My highest BMI has been 20. And yet... I am a piece of shit. I feel worthless.

I gained weight in the last three years because my life has fallen apart. I stopped spending two+ hours in the gym because I didn't have time. My career died, my best and only true friend in this damn town I came to FOR MY CAREER, moved away. I completely broke off contact with my brother because he's mentally lost it. Haven't seen my other siblings because I haven't been able to go back to England to see them in three years. Why? Because my husband is constantly traveling for work and we don't live near family (until I recently got my mother to move near by, but that's it's own set of drama) so I'm pretty much raising our kids on my own. I quit my teaching job at the end of October because I couldn't handle the stress of a shit faculty in a shit district that constantly asked too much of me, leaving me with nothing to give to my own children or myself. So I'm just existing without any purpose. And it's driving me mad. I'm so lonely. I tried to make another friend because we were very similar and started working out together, and he ended up wanting to date me more than be friends and that whole thing is just mind-blowing t me. Not just that anybody would see me that way, but...FFS. I just want a friend. I have no interest in fucking anybody but my barely-ever-here husband.

And now we're going back to visit his family, as we do every year, instead of taking a real damn trip, and they want to do a large family photo, and I'm a cow and I don't want to be in a photo next to my beautiful skinny SILs and I'm breaking apart over this. I wanted to lose 10lbs. I lost six. And then I fucked up the last few days after doing so well for over two weeks, and ate 800+ calories each day. For three days. And now I've gained two pounds back. I KNOW it's just water weight because I ate tortilla chips last night because I'm an idiot, and I haven't had a real BM in days because haha, yeah, I'm starving. But it *doesn't matter*. I'm still a piece of shit who can't even lose 10lbs anymore.

Okay, that's it. This sub is all that's keeping my sanity in check right now. You lovely gals and lads are all beautiful, wonderful people. Thank you for listening.

---

How do I prevent weight gain on vacation?
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Mon Jun 11 13:08:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qc2am/how_do_i_prevent_weight_gain_on_vacation/
---
In two weeks I’m going on a weeklong trip to LA with a friend who will be visiting from japan. I’m not sure how I’m going to lose, at the VERY least maintain my weight. She’s a normal human being who will eat and will want to eat normal meals with me. Not sure how to handle it. I have been restricting at 300-500 cals most days and losing weight *very** slowly due to the fuckup b/p days where I end up passing out before purging the last binge of the day. Ive been restricting by only eating one small meal before bed (so I can sleep). I’m worried about what I will do during a vacation in which I will be constantly tempted to eat delicious food. I know I could purge but I’ve strained muscles in my neck and avoid it as much as I can. I also can’t lose weight when i b/p. And I can’t purge unless I’ve binged. Not about to binge all day long in front of my friend. Pretty sure I’ll gain much of the weight I’ve lost back :/ I’m amazing at gaining weight fast.

---

Spent the weekend at a sex positive event
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Mon Jun 11 12:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qbqeg/spent_the_weekend_at_a_sex_positive_event/
---
And it had me really rethinking a lot of beliefs about myself. There were people of all sizes and genders. It's the kind of place where when you learn someone's name they also say what pronouns they prefer. These people are not at the perfect body (some were and I didnt know if I was oogling this one person bc I want to be on them or be them). They have romantic relationships. They are happy. They have sex that they enjoy. They live a life that I want. But some of them were much bigger than me. I wore a pretty bra and sheer top and some of my rolls showed. BUT NO ONE BATTED AN EYE. In fact, my top got compliments.

It was a niche group but I wish the rest of the world was more like this. It had me really look at myself and re-realize what I'm doing to my body is so fucked up. Like no one there cared that I'm not thin and they looked at me like a normal person.

I just want to live life and be happy and there was proof all over that you could be happy without being thin.

---

[Discussion] How do you guys handle your birthday?
/u/questions_anonymous
Created: Mon Jun 11 12:27:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qbphc/how_do_you_guys_handle_your_birthday/
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I suck at moderation, so I know that if I give myself permission to indulge, it's going to be a binge day. I feel like I'll regret gorging myself, but I'll also regret not making the most of a good opportunity to let loose... What do you do?

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I think my anorexia is turning into exercise bulimia?
/u/RiggaMorris1
Created: Mon Jun 11 11:55:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qbggf/i_think_my_anorexia_is_turning_into_exercise/
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So about 8 months ago now I was diagnosed with anorexia after months of heavy restriction. I live with my boyfriend and he basically freaked that this had happened all before his eyes and tried to help me attempt a real recovery. Well, here we are 8 months later and I've lost instead of gained. Living with him makes it hard to restrict because he knows if I don't eat which is a good thing I guess. But I changed gyms 6 months ago so now we go to different ones. He hasn't seen me workout but I've been obsessing over fitness and combating my higher intake with a lot of exercise. I feel so bad deceiving him by making it look like I'm getting better but in reality I'm just burning off a lot of what I'm eating to make myself feel better, and then eating less on days I don't workout. Can anyone relate? I hate how my disorder has just switched.

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excited, yet conflicted
/u/versperalaxis
Created: Mon Jun 11 11:35:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qbaz1/excited_yet_conflicted/
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so i’m slowly getting deeper into restriction, and i’m loving it. i had a small sandwich this morning, and for lunch, could barely finish my soup. i feel so bloated... but it’s like, i feel good about it coz that means i’m starting to hit the point where i’m losing intuitive eating. anyone else feel that way when they started? i know it’s slightly messed up but i’m so hopeful to get to the point where i’ll eat like 500 cals and not 1300!

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[Tip] Tim Hortons Discovery!!
/u/blingbling-bitch
Created: Mon Jun 11 11:34:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qbaf5/tim_hortons_discovery/
---
A regular small size iced capp for fellow canadians has sooo many calories, especially compared to the light Starbucks frap :(
But I discovered today you can ask for it to be made with milk instead of cream (so a small size comes down to 152 cals !) yay!!! Just wanted to share my discovery of the day!!

---

[Rant/Rave] Ordering clothes online
/u/handzies
Created: Mon Jun 11 11:24:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qb7ky/ordering_clothes_online/
---
I usually wear a US small, but I didn't notice the skirt was coming from hong kong. I just wouldn't have ordered it. I'm very tempted to fast till this skirt fits me.

Anyone else get really set on clothing? If I have an outfit planned and it doesn't turn out how I want, I spiral. I can get the skirt buttoned and zipped but its obviously too small, gives me a roll and my monster hips and thighs make it so short and slutty. I just wanna look sweet and girlish dang it, not like the beggining to some cosplay porno.

The outfit I had planned was this baby blue pleated skirt with a white collar detail shirt, a silver necklace acting as a bit of a tie (so under the collar), my platform loafers with dainty lace socks, and a tarocard purse. Now it's ruined because I'm too large. I May even take a photo of it all layed out so yall can see.

I've been doing well in my recovery but this has ticked me over the edge. I can't handle ordering a medium. I simply cannot allow such a thing. Pretty clothes make me feel good. Not being able to fit in my pretty clothes makes me feel like a monster.

---

Has anyone ever tested to see whether or not fasting with artificial sweeteners affects hunger levels?
/u/couldbefatter
Created: Mon Jun 11 11:22:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qb6tg/has_anyone_ever_tested_to_see_whether_or_not/
---
I don't know whether or not I should stick to water and black coffee, or if diet sodas and powerade zeros are going to make it harder to fast.

---

Weight distribution?
/u/vintagetimetable
Created: Mon Jun 11 10:57:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qazrv/weight_distribution/
---
So i used to weigh 100 lbs in the middle of my recovery (LW was 89 lbs) , and my thigh gap was huge. Then, after gaining 5 lbs, i restricted and went back down to 100 lbs. But this time, my thigh gap is gone. No matter what I do, my thigh gap isnt there. My pants are tighter on me as well!

What does this mean?!

---

[Discussion] DAE spend too much time trying to make their food look nice to avoid eating it and to make it seem like a proper meal?
/u/LastMeasurement
Created: Mon Jun 11 10:27:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qaupx/dae_spend_too_much_time_trying_to_make_their_food/
---
https://i.redd.it/kaujk40oee311.jpg

---

Death by laxative abuse (xpost r/medicine)
/u/SterileTechnique
Created: Mon Jun 11 09:38:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qahrp/death_by_laxative_abuse_xpost_rmedicine/
---
http://www.courts.sa.gov.au/CoronersFindings/Lists/Coroners%20Findings/Attachments/764/LA%20BELLA%20Claudia.pdf

---

Becoming vegan to not fall any deeper
/u/Burlesqua
Created: Mon Jun 11 09:04:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qa87o/becoming_vegan_to_not_fall_any_deeper/
---
Hi there 🌱 After a year of being vegetarian, I finally decided to transition into veganism. Ethical reasons aside (animals, environment), I chose it because my ED was starting to get really out of control. I was binging, purging, weighing all my food, hating myself and my anxiety was sky rocketing. My mother found out about me puking and was SO mad, it wasn’t pretty. However it hurt ‘cause she was more concerned about me spoiling food than the fact in itself that I was throwing up.. Like no Mom, you yelling and cursing at me because « there are kids starving » and that « God will be ashamed » is NOT helping. Also, don’t explain to me what bulimia is with that condescending tone of yours. I know way more about ED’s than you. Anyway, today is the day I set my goals to 1) stop purging 2) stop weighing food 3) relax and take care of my mental health. I’ll forever be grateful for this sub, knowing you’re not alone dealing with this kind of stuff and more importantly, being UNDERSTOOD is priceless. I love you all, wish me luck ❤️

---

[Help] Sugar is my biggest weakness
/u/Creepy_Bite
Created: Mon Jun 11 08:56:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qa5x4/sugar_is_my_biggest_weakness/
---
The first and last thing I always binge on happens to be full of sugar. If I wasn't so addicted to sugar, my binges would be so much smaller and less frequent, my teeth would be in better condition and I'd weigh less. I'm 100% certain I would've reached my goal weight ages ago if it wasn't for my sugar addiction. Whenever I'm super anxious or stressed out, I use sugar to numb my emotions. I tried moderation; eating a small portion every day. I tried quitting cold turkey which worked for a month until I had to go on antibiotics that contained sugar. Doesn't help that literally everything has sugar added to it even if it's listed as something else (honey, agave, maple syrup, corn syrup, evaporated cane juice..etc). Anyone else struggle with this or manage to cut processed sugar out of their lives?

---

Ambivalence/“Recovery”
/u/PiccolaGrande
Created: Mon Jun 11 08:39:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8qa12s/ambivalencerecovery/
---
Hi all,

(First, I’m going to anonymize some of these details in case a family member finds this post, but this is basically it.)

I had anorexia in my early twenties, “recovered” (was in the hospital for five months, gained most of the weight back, got home and almost immediately lost quite a bit), and have maintained a weight that’s too low for over ten years. Sometimes my weight creeps up, despite the fact that I’ve never given up calorie counting, etc.; sometimes it’ll creep down. For many reasons, including my own ambivalence and my parents’ lack of understanding re how EDs work (and their unwillingness to believe there was a problem when I was younger), I’ve lived in an in-between zone for so long now.

Earlier this spring, my doctor/therapist commented on my weight and said that she wanted it to be monitored and that I needed to see a dietitian. I was kind of taken aback; I honestly didn’t think that my weight was a problem. I don’t weigh myself right now, though, so I dunno. Now I’m supposed to gain ten pounds (as an initial goal).

This process feels so out of control. I still don’t know how much I weigh, so it’s hard not to think that the doctors are just trying to make me bigger than I want to be. There are other reasons to do this—so that I can eat socially more easily, so that I can go back to grad school, to reduce my anxiety, to reduce my boyfriend’s anxiety—and on one level I’m motivated to make real change. On another level, though, I’m not sure I can.

Sorry, this is long and ranty. I thought that of all communities on Reddit, you would be most likely to understand.

---

[Rant/Rave] My baby fat pisses me off so much...
/u/tolearnalanguage
Created: Mon Jun 11 08:21:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q9w73/my_baby_fat_pisses_me_off_so_much/
---
And it'll be a long time untill I lose it since I'm only 14. Even though I've lost quite a bit of weight people still grab my cheeks and squish them. I can literally feel the fat spilling between their fingers and they're always like "Aww, so squishy!" It makes me feel fatter than I already am. Even when I try so hard to make it disappear no one notices anything different.

Whilst I'm at it, my phone autocorrecting fat to day and flavour to flavor also gets on my nerves.

---

[Rant/Rave] Bought a pair of H&M size 2 pants today...
/u/GingerWithSunscreen
Created: Mon Jun 11 08:11:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q9tpx/bought_a_pair_of_hm_size_2_pants_today/
---
But I keep making excuses as why I can fit into them.
"Somebody who tried them on before me must have stretched them out"
"They must be sized wrong"
"Its probably just the fabric or the style of pants"
"Since these are dress pants they probably use vanity sizing since its adult women buying them mostly"

I do this in every store. I have size 0 jeans from American eagle and I make all the same excuses.

---

[Rant/Rave] Hit my first goal today!!!
/u/gnatthebunny
Created: Mon Jun 11 07:40:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q9lqt/hit_my_first_goal_today/
---
So it may not seem like much to some of y'all because there are many people in here who are so so much thinner than me, but this morning I'm officially in the overweight bmi range instead of obese!! I'm feeling more motivated than ever. :)

---

ED buddies.
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Mon Jun 11 07:22:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q9hhu/ed_buddies/
---
[removed]

---

Does anyone have a really fancy scale?
/u/xxxanon1117
Created: Mon Jun 11 06:56:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q9baa/does_anyone_have_a_really_fancy_scale/
---
I have seen scales that are linked to fitness bands (like FitBit) and ones with bluetooth and such. I guess higher end scales can also tell your water weight and body fat percentage? Does anyone have a higher end scale? I don't see myself upgrading anytime soon but I just wonder about their efficiency.

---

[Goal] Not going to let my binge affect me
/u/adequate-ampersand
Created: Mon Jun 11 06:55:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q9b6e/not_going_to_let_my_binge_affect_me/
---
Last night, I binged for the first time in over a week. That’s the longest I’ve gone in so long! Instead of focusing on the binge itself, I’m going to make it my goal to focus on the fact I went a week and can do it for longer. I’m going to treat today like a normal day, maybe 200 calories less, and go for a longer walk. But I’m not going to let it stop me.

---

Weekly Stats Update! June 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 11 06:13:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q91s0/weekly_stats_update_june_11_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for June 11, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 11 06:13:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q91qw/daily_food_diary_june_11_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 11, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Help] Crazy leg pain
/u/Renegade_always_was
Created: Mon Jun 11 06:00:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q8yur/crazy_leg_pain/
---
So recently I’ve started restricting a lot again. The last time my eating was like this I was in high school. But one thing that seems to happen when I do this is I get Charley horses in my legs at night, multiple times at night. They are so bad they will wake me up from my sleep and I have to stand up and stretch my leg out.

Does anyone know why this happen/how to make it stop happening?

---

ED makes dentist swoon
/u/deadestpoet
Created: Mon Jun 11 05:56:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q8xzu/ed_makes_dentist_swoon/
---
I just proudly told my dentist that I don't graze on food all day. She was happy. I was happy. I have no cavities. Life's good. Thanks restriction! (nevermind all the downsides, those don't matter...)

---

Really love this youtuber...she does heavy binge days with a scientific approach and records what happens physiologically to her body pre, during, and post binge...
/u/bunnywithbpd
Created: Mon Jun 11 03:11:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q83td/really_love_this_youtubershe_does_heavy_binge/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeDvYExqhOI

---

[Rant/Rave] My ED is back
/u/wild-ocean
Created: Mon Jun 11 02:58:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q81ts/my_ed_is_back/
---
So I have been recovering for the last few months and it has been great! I put weight on and I was at a healthy weight!

But the last couple of days something had just triggered my ED back, and I’m actually happy? Is that crazy? Idk I feel like I just felt more comfortable with my ED!
I got on my scale and I saw that I was 56kg and I almost died! I forgot the feeling of being so disappointed in yourself to the point that you knew you could starve yourself for days on end!

Never thought I would be back here but I guess I was wrong!

---

Falling back into it.
/u/alonelygal
Created: Mon Jun 11 02:28:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q7x70/falling_back_into_it/
---
I (F18) have struggled with an eating disorder since about 12 years old, recovered from about July last year, put on 5kgs, now falling back into the disordered eating.

I've had a bit of trouble falling back into it, but I feel like I'm getting somewhere the last few days, I also purged for the first time (this round of ED, I used to purge almost every day) again and I'm actually kind of loving the shakiness in my legs now.. I feel crazy.

I don't want to recover, not this time.

I live out of home with my boyfriend (who is unknowingly supportive of my ED, though unaware of it) and I'm attending university, studying nursing, I also have a full time job (4 days a week) as a childcare worker, and I work decent hours (often 7.5\-9.5 hours) with only a 30 minute break (the only time i'd have access to food) which will make not eating so. so much easier.

Downside, I'm staying with my family for 3 days next week, they love to eat (not in a bad way, it's our way of sharing/being a family) so I'm really not looking forward to it, but I'm hoping to hear 'you've lost weight since you moved out', that will feel unbelievably good.

---

I can't watch anything with beautiful women involved
/u/sushi1997
Created: Mon Jun 11 02:18:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q7vq1/i_cant_watch_anything_with_beautiful_women/
---
I started watching Killing Eve, a wonderfully feminist (and very likely queer) show. The female characters were strong and defied stereotypes and were so much more than their looks - but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get over how thin and beautiful Jodie Comer as Villanelle was. She's gorgeous and graceful and the entire time I was watching I was near suicidal because I will probably never be thin like her, no matter how hard I try. Same goes for Gal Gadot in Wonder Woman. I wanted to love her, I really did, but it's hard to love someone who is 100x prettier and thinner and more successful than I am, even in my dreams.

Anyone else experience this? How am I supposed to watch anything anymore when I'm so focused on the weight of people I have never met?

---

its 2am and i get up for work @ 8 but....
/u/med_z
Created: Mon Jun 11 01:14:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q7l42/its_2am_and_i_get_up_for_work_8_but/
---
I can't sleep and my brain is racing. I can't stop thinking abt how awful I am and I know I'm being silly but I feel bad about everything I consume. A small part of me knows its stupid to think a bag of chips or an ice cream sandwich is a binge but it doesn't feel that way at all. I try every day to fast bc I know if I eat one thing no matter how small I'll eat more which always happens and I'll have no choice but to purge and I can never tell if I get it all up. Today I was doing so well I only had 3 klondike bars which I threw up immediately but then a few hours later I ate a bag of lays and at first I thought it wouldn't be a big deal but now I feel so bad about myself and I just know that in the morning I'll gain another pound. I hate myself I'm not even that far from my goal and I cant go one day without stuffing my face. I'm tired of myself.

---

[Discussion] Misrepresentation in books and movies
/u/lyhndzie
Created: Mon Jun 11 00:16:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q7af2/misrepresentation_in_books_and_movies/
---
As we all know, books and movies seem to portray eating disorders/mental illness in ways that usually aren’t accurate. They heavily rely on stereotypes and don’t seem to show what we really go through. As someone who loves to write, I’ve been wanting to write fictional stories about things that I know, eating disorders being one of the many. But I want to hear from you guys and see what I can do better than has been done before. I don’t know if I’ll ever get published, or if I even want to, but I want to know that if/when I do, I show things the way that they really are instead of this Hollywood fakery going on.

What are the ways that books and movies tend to misrepresent people with eating disorders?

What do you wish you saw more of?

---

[Rant/Rave] Grooooooooaaaan (ramble/rant)
/u/kpatable
Created: Sun Jun 10 23:40:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q73wb/grooooooooaaaan_ramblerant/
---
Ughghghghgh my eating has been all over the place for the past few weeks and I hate it. My weight hasn't changed much, but it's just stressing me out, and UGH. My Grandma visited a couple weeks ago, and she brought peanut butter, and OMFG that is one of my worst binge foods. I'm throwing out the rest tomorrow (she bought 2 jars btw) because I can't take it anymore. Idk. I'm trying to think of what has worked for me in the past, and since I'm still living with my parents in this terrible, chaotic food environment, I don't have many options. The only thing that sort of worked was IF where I'd eat 2ish meals between \~4\-10pm. So I guess I'll try that. I really wanted to stop drinking coffee because I'm dependent again. But I guess one cup in the morning/afternoon won't be the absolute worst. Ugh. This psuedo\-recovery balance shit is hard. I feel fat and gross and big and fat.

In other news... I seriously considered meeting up with an older guy who wanted to take care of me in exchange for being his slave doll sub girl. And honestly it felt really nice to fantasize about giving up and just doing whatever this guy said and not worrying about my life or who I am or anyone else. But I know that would not work out long\-term at ALL. But it was nice to think about.

I also am dreading my mom coming back from rehab. She's been in there for over a month, and she'll probably be back around the end of this month, and I really don't want to take her narcissistic mistreatment anymore. I don't want to deal with her saying I'm not working hard enough, or that my issues are the reason why she drinks, or any of that stressful shit that's not bad enough for people to care but bad enough to make me cut myself.

---

When I was in my relationship I tended to binge a lot more, now that I'm single I'm barely eating anything
/u/PsychyHex
Created: Sun Jun 10 23:27:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q71c2/when_i_was_in_my_relationship_i_tended_to_binge_a/
---
I've always struggled with eating a lot until I got over a certain weight and felt extremely uncomfortable in my body, then I'd exercise like crazy and limit my intake for until my body/weight went back to the way I liked it. Then I'd binge again. So mainly eating was my problem. Now that I'm alone I'm drinking tons of water (not necessarily to suppress my appetite but that does happen), only eating very small snacks two times a day and I'm exercising like crazy anyway. Everything switched so fast and I don't know how I can control this and slightly get myself to find a middle ground between what I used to do and what I'm doing now. I'm already extremely depressed and stressed from the breakup, this is just draining every last bit of my energy and brain power. Anyone have suggestions?

---

[Help] don’t know why i’m so obsessive but i need to ask
/u/pistachiocreams
Created: Sun Jun 10 23:07:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6xkz/dont_know_why_im_so_obsessive_but_i_need_to_ask/
---
so after being out at the mall out of town all day yesterday i came back and weighed myself (because i’m obsessive) to find out i weighed 114.6lb. i was thrilled because i’ve been plauteuing at 116.4-116.8lb for 3 days and been restricting my calories to ~750 calories a day. i drank like 3 glasses of water and green tea, then went to bed, nervous about my scale being wrong.
i weighed myself this morning in the same clothes i always do (my pj’s) and weighed 115.2lb. and i was DISAPPOINTED. if i hadn’t weighed myself last night i still would’ve been so happy. but i wanted to see 114 on the scale. is it just water weight? i miss it hahaha

---

[Help] I just. Can't. Sleep.
/u/DrWoph
Created: Sun Jun 10 22:47:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6tua/i_just_cant_sleep/
---
Hi, my first post to this sub.
It's 5am where I am and I've woken up four times throughout the night, for the 20th night running. I can't take this inability to sleep.
My psych has said I need to eat before going to bed but it scares me too much (especially seeing as I'm being weighed on Thursday) and I'm at my wits end here.
Does anyone have any advice for sleeping that doesn't involve eating before bed or to help get back to sleep?
For the record I have a regular bedtime routine, exercise a couple hours per day and try to relax etc before bed (I read a lot).

---

[Goal] Reached my goal weight and then started gaining
/u/PM_UR_PUPPY
Created: Sun Jun 10 22:42:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6srn/reached_my_goal_weight_and_then_started_gaining/
---
Not sure what the point of this post is, rather than to say for 2 glorious, glorious weeks I reached my goal weight. Since then I've been gaining and gaining nonstop and I'm freaking out because I feel like I've completely lost control of myself. The number is going up and up and I feel like I'm completely spiraling. UGH. Sorry guys I really don't know why I'm posting, but I feel completely dejected and disgusted with myself.

---

[Rant/Rave] why does no one ever realize how much words can affect others?? (vent)
/u/throwawayjhs0218
Created: Sun Jun 10 22:29:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6qc8/why_does_no_one_ever_realize_how_much_words_can/
---
i jokingly called my cat fat and my mom said "look who's talking" and now i feel like i can never eat again lol. she makes insensitive jokes like that a lot and i wish she knew how much it fucking hurts me. i'm only 15 but she acts like i'm an adult sometimes. i just wanna starve myself until i don't hate looking in the mirror anymore. i hate BED.

---

Staying with strangers for a few weeks. How do I explain my food issues?
/u/fritobandito128
Created: Sun Jun 10 22:21:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6os0/staying_with_strangers_for_a_few_weeks_how_do_i/
---
Hi all. New here.

I have an extremely complicated relationship with food which has taken a nose\-dive the past few months in the form of binge eating and a 15 pound weight gain. My support system is dodgy at best and recovering has been extremely difficult. I'm failing every day, but I keep getting back up and trying again.

To keep this short, I'm moving, but I'm staying with some friends of my parents (a husband and wife whom I only met once, when I was 11ish, and don't remember at all) until I can move into my new apartment. My dad warned me that the wife is an excellent cook and is certainly expecting me to eat with them each night. I've been in contact with her and already she's asked if there's any food I like to eat/snack on that they can have around for me by the time I get there.

It's a nice thought, but the idea of having anyone else have anything to do with my food intake right now is terrifying. I know I'm a little messed up, but it's quite possible that them bringing up food in any capacity could bring me to tears...that's how sensitive the issue is right now. I'm working on these feelings, I promise.

In the meantime though, is there any one\-liner I can give them that makes it clear that food is a "bad topic" with me without making me sound like a difficult guest, or sounding too serious from the outset? I considered telling them I'm recovering from an eating disorder but that sounds...well, intense. In response to her text about snacks she could purchase before I get there, I replied (kindly?) that I'll just pick some stuff up when I get there, and that I'm kind of a "bizarre eater, haha."

Yikes, that was supposed to be the short version, lol. Any help/advice is welcome.

---

[Discussion] Does your eating disorder have an origin story?
/u/dephress
Created: Sun Jun 10 22:08:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6lxz/does_your_eating_disorder_have_an_origin_story/
---
I'm not asking about your first experience with disordered eating. I'm wondering if you have stories from your past that you point to and say, "This is why."

I ask because I myself do not have an eating disorder, and I have a story that I have labeled as "the reason" why not. I do understand that EDs are mental disorders that are not directly born from life experiences -- but I'm wondering if any of you have moments from your past that you see as pivotal in the development of your disordered eating.

I grew up food insecure. We were poor, and on top of that my mother strictly controlled and monitored everything I ate. I had to obtain her permission beforehand if I wanted to eat (so if she wasn't home, I had to wait) and if I ate even a fraction more than "what we agreed," I was punished. Sometimes I would sneak cat food when I fed our cats because I wouldn't get anything else. This lasted until I moved out in my late teens.

I grew up hating my body and hating myself, but now that I'm an adult I now cannot stand the thought of wasting food, restricting food or denying myself a meal.

Do you have experiences around food from your childhood that you think contributed to your eating disorder?

---

Accountability - Night Eating
/u/adequate-ampersand
Created: Sun Jun 10 22:08:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6lv5/accountability_night_eating/
---
[removed]

---

I just bought ephedrine for the first time and I don't know why
/u/jushy-fruit
Created: Sun Jun 10 22:08:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6lv3/i_just_bought_ephedrine_for_the_first_time_and_i/
---
Maybe because I'm in Canada and ordering it online is just too easy, but I just bought 100 8mg pills. I spent all day going back and forth about it, since I'm relatively happy with my weight loss so far (3lbs this week) but I guess I've just been torturing myself looking at thinspo.

My goal for the last while has been 110, but yesterday I went into MFP and changed it to 106 :( I used to fluctuate between 100-105 but I thought I was past wanting to be that small.

I don't know, I guess I'm just venting and also nervous because I'm at the point where I'm going to be taking drugs to take the weight off.

---

[Rant/Rave] Disgusted with how "good" I've gotten at purging
/u/mu514
Created: Sun Jun 10 22:00:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6k4s/disgusted_with_how_good_ive_gotten_at_purging/
---
I can purge silently. I can purge until the only things coming out are water and stomach acid. I drink electrolytes to avoid dehydration headaches afterwards.

It'll ruin my teeth if I keep this up. I know this, so why do I keep doing this? I hadn't purged in a while, 2 weeks free, and just one relapse is enough to make me realize just how practiced I had become with this.

I'm disgusted with myself. From this day on, I won't purge anymore. Though I can't promise I won't restrict, at the very least, my teeth and throat and the scar on my knuckle will be safe.

---

[Help] How do models look alive?
/u/iliekjellyandjam
Created: Sun Jun 10 21:48:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6hjm/how_do_models_look_alive/
---
Not just models, but all those thin, pretty girls out there? Their faces just seem so fresh and healthy????
When I got to a BMI of 18.5 I looked dead. My skin was taut, eyes were sunken, and I just looked like a mess. How can I prevent this?

---

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] They say even when you are skinny, you will never be happy
/u/awlas
Created: Sun Jun 10 21:46:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6h8y/rant_they_say_even_when_you_are_skinny_you_will/
---
But I know damn well I would be a happy person if I was.
I would feel confident.
I would look great in clothes.
I would feel better.
I would think better.
I would be happier.

With dealing with BED, no longer having the high metabolism, and self-diagnosing myself with body dysmorphic disorder, I wish I had a strong, positive women presence in my life that advocated for self love.

I don't, rather, I have women in my life who are always on diets, never satisfied with their weight, say "if I was 10 pounds lighter this would look better on", "If I would skinny it would look better." This hasn't helped my self-esteem. This doesn't help a healthy self-esteem thrive. I have this yearning to be skinny because that's what I've been told is always best.

The women in my life's favorite line for me is, "atleast you are learning now about weight and healthy habits." Yeah, but does it make me feel better about myself?

I feel it's because I gained 2 lbs just by overeating at dinner when I restricted all day is making me cry but I feel so ugly, chubby, and not worth it. I miss looking in the mirror and being satisfied, rather I feel pathetic and worthless.

---

First day of restriction.
/u/GemRocking
Created: Sun Jun 10 21:25:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q6cf4/first_day_of_restriction/
---
I'm back! I'm not chronicling my eating habits; I just felt the need to post about my first day restricting.

I wasn't hungry for breakfast, so I just had tea. I got hungry by noon but I compiled an album of gross-out images and lost my appetite, and a bit later the hunger went away--by the afternoon, I didn't really *feel* hungry, but my stomach was growling really loud lol. My mom got worried that I hadn't eaten anything, so at about 4:00 I had a salad: big bowl of lettuce, about 1/3 cup of pico de gallo, and about 1/2 cup of chicken breast (180 kcal). I wasn't hungry for anything else, but I didn't want family to see that I'm restricting and I don't want to fuck myself up too bad, so I had a small apple (70), 25 veggie straws (85), and a tablespoon of sunbutter (100). And now I'm hungry again, but it's about bedtime and I'm not eating anything more today. So I ate about 415 kcal today.

Tbh it was way easier than I expected, but I'm not sure how sustainable this will be. :/ I know that it's going to be really hard to keep this secret (for some reason my family doesn't give a fuck if I overeat, but if I undereat they're suddenly concerned).

I low-restricted today, and I'm really glad that I did because tomorrow we're attending a birthday party. There will be DQ ice cream cake, and I planned on eating a light lunch and then having a slice of cake--the cake will probably be around 400 kcal. But apparently my family is making burgers and we're eating together beforehand. :[ Fortunately we get really lean ass beef lol. I'm going to have "breakfast" at around noon--dry rice square cereal--so I can skip "lunch." And then I'll have my burger bunless and with veggies instead of fries. So I'm hoping to make it through tomorrow eating no more than 700 calories, but idk how well my plan with go.

My original goal was 800 kcal every day, on average. But I really feel the need to stay under that--the fewer calories I eat, the better. Which isn't good. Like I said, I don't want to fuck myself up too bad. I know this isn't a healthy habit to start, but I **really** need to lose weight and fix my horrible habit of overeating. But I guess I'm already pretty fucked-up and miserable because of my weight and diet. I don't have much to lose here, and I'd rather be fucked-up and slim than fucked-up and fat.

---

[Rant/Rave] Small ED Rant
/u/astra2018
Created: Sun Jun 10 20:37:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q617s/small_ed_rant/
---
So i’ve lost about 12 llbs and I am 1llb from my goal weight.....yet i still feel fat and ugly. I know this is typical for someone who has disordered eating but idk.....it just makes me so sad that even though I’ve lost this weight, nothing else has changed/improved in my life. Yes now I can wear a bikini and my dance leotard and not feel fat- but I haven’t gotten a boyfriend or anything since I lost weight. I guess I thought that as soon as I lost weight my life would turn around completely- but it hasn’t. I’m still not completely happy with my body and no amount of weight I lose will change that. Sometimes my boobs are too small for me, and other times too big. My thighs still seem too fat sometimes- and other times I miss being my 37 inch hips. I’m just always frustrated with my body. I’m forever going to be 4’11, and even if I’m 75 pounds I’m going to look short. That really bums me out. Oh well. Nothing I can do at this point. Does anyone else feel this way?

---

Purging MSG?
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Sun Jun 10 20:35:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q60v6/purging_msg/
---
I can’t fucking purge soba noodles (which I get from work for free all the time) yet I keep binging on them.. can’t resist sometimes and I’m always asking myself what the fuck I was thinking. Same thing with udon noodles in the same broth. I’m wondering if msg is keeping me from purging them? I have no problem purging *most* other things or udon/soba from other places. But soba is just the heaviest, moisture-resisting sludge when it’s in me and no amount of liquid will absorb that shit and help it come up. Crying

---

[Help] Craving food but looking at food makes me nauseous.
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Sun Jun 10 20:34:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q60o6/craving_food_but_looking_at_food_makes_me_nauseous/
---
Help. Already went over 1050 kcal today (as a low estimate fml).

---

I just realized who caused my eating disorder
/u/catbernetsauv
Created: Sun Jun 10 20:32:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q60cm/i_just_realized_who_caused_my_eating_disorder/
---
When I was 13 we had an old family friend come to town and stay with us. They had a 17 year old daughter. I had known her for years but I hadn't seen her in a while. She was stunning. I always thought she should be a model, even when I was younger. The night she stayed with us we were watching tv and she started doing leg exercises: squats, leg raises, leg circles, donkey kicks. I remember, vividly, asking her why she was exercising and not watching the show. "I'm fat" she responded. I remember thinking, what the hell? She was 5'11 at least 120 pounds and she thought she was fat? If she was fat then *what am I?* At the time I was 5"2 and 140 pounds (at least).

I remembered this just now because I just had a flashback, as I sit here watching tv, doing the exact same exercises that I saw her doing 11 years ago. Damn.

I don't know how I didn't connect the pieces before now, but I just remembered how everytime I think I'm being lazy I remember that one moment over a decade ago.

If I'm being honest, our families lost touch. I don't even remember this girl's name. I have no idea where she is, or what she's doing with her life. Now, I'm wondering if she knows what she did to mine.

---

What's the weirdest food combination you've had while binging?
/u/Grellous8
Created: Sun Jun 10 20:21:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5xsw/whats_the_weirdest_food_combination_youve_had/
---
For me, it has to be either:

- Maple syrup with greek yogurt

- Pasta with maple syrup, grapes, and table sugar sprinkled over (wanted to try and see what sweet, not salty, pasta would taste like -- disgusting)

- Those jumbo-size pretzels that you get from baking mix packs, and strawberry jam

---

[Help] I purged for the first time today
/u/LumosErin
Created: Sun Jun 10 20:21:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5xqi/i_purged_for_the_first_time_today/
---
I didn’t mean to go this far.

I lost control with eating too much today (hi Fiber One brownies, looking at you) and I just felt so nauseatingly full. I had to get rid of everything. I’ve tried unsuccessfully to purge before but it never happened. I’m staring at my toilet in shame.

I feel like I’ve set off a powder keg and I’m set to explode. It’s gonna take all of my willpower not to do this again.

Please help.

---

Skin Picking?
/u/versperalaxis
Created: Sun Jun 10 20:18:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5wyw/skin_picking/
---
i was wondering if any of you see an increase in flaky skin whilst restricting? also, for those of you w PTSD, does the skin picking increase? i’ve read that there’s a big correlation but i still feel alone in this. i’ve destroyed my nose, scalp, fingers, and even feet...

---

[Goal] Not going to care
/u/fethe56
Created: Sun Jun 10 20:15:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5wcr/not_going_to_care/
---
Gonna eat all the cake and yummy food
My grandpa is grilling tomorrow and not care or obsess about how gross I’ll look afterwards

---

Someone has to understand this.
/u/zemindar
Created: Sun Jun 10 20:13:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5vvo/someone_has_to_understand_this/
---
so this is my first post on this subreddit, but i'm honestly so worked up right now i just need someone else to say that they understand, or they experienced something similar.

i was poking around my online health chart because i'm waiting for a response from one of my doctors. i saw a "health issues" tab and clicked it, and it listed all the health issues that have been documented in my chart since i switched over to this doctor in 2016. quick backstory, i have an ED but have never been officially diagnosed, as it has never been at the forefront of my treatment and i kind of...keep it safe and hidden away.

so there's this new nurse practitioner i am seeing who is helping me sort out my medication for OCD and GAD, and at first i really liked her so i kind of opened up to her about how a lot of my compulsions have to do with restrictive eating. she listed "anorexia nervosa, partial remission, moderate" in my health issues?!

i don't know why this makes me so mad! partially because like, i trusted her and she did this thing? and partially because i want to prove to her that i really am sick and i'm not in partial remission and this is NOT moderate. i feel kind of betrayed, like this is largely a very personal issue for me and seeing that she recorded it is really bugging me. i know she's just doing her job, but like??

(i know i'm overreacting, this whole thing has just been really triggering for me?)

---

[Other] Accountability post
/u/Iammeandyouareme
Created: Sun Jun 10 19:58:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5sln/accountability_post/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Accountability post my last binge
/u/Iammeandyouareme
Created: Sun Jun 10 19:56:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5s7i/accountability_post_my_last_binge/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Accountability post - last binge
/u/Iammeandyouareme
Created: Sun Jun 10 19:56:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5s6m/accountability_post_last_binge/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Accountability post: last binge
/u/Iammeandyouareme
Created: Sun Jun 10 19:56:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5s5i/accountability_post_last_binge/
---
[removed]

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[Other] Accountability post: last binge.
/u/Iammeandyouareme
Created: Sun Jun 10 19:56:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5s43/accountability_post_last_binge/
---
[removed]

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Accountability post: last binge.
/u/Iammeandyouareme
Created: Sun Jun 10 19:55:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5rz7/accountability_post_last_binge/
---
[removed]

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Accountability post: last binge.
/u/Iammeandyouareme
Created: Sun Jun 10 19:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5rym/accountability_post_last_binge/
---
[removed]

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[Other] My Apple watch triggers me so much
/u/pailblusea
Created: Sun Jun 10 19:51:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5r1m/other_my_apple_watch_triggers_me_so_much/
---
On mobile, can't flair.

Years ago I got an Apple watch for Christmas but never got into using it and thought it was kinda pointless. Not too long ago I found it in my closet and decided to give it a go again and it triggers me so much. Why are the activity rings soo powerful? I feel obsessed with completing them. Obsessed now with steps and active calories and my heart rate. I get anxiety if I haven't done my daily goals, happy when I have and ecstatic when I go way beyond.

I fucking love this watch. It's my new soulmate. How did I ignore it for so long?

I know I'd be the same with any other activity tracker, this is just what I have now.

Anyone else love their apple watches/fitbits/garmins/etc as much?

What do you use? Do you recommend it? Why? I might get a new watch in the next few months so currently I am on the lookout for good deals. I love what I have but it is 2 years old.

---

[Rant/Rave] Life is good
/u/Ire_of_suburbia
Created: Sun Jun 10 19:45:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5pp9/life_is_good/
---
I’ve done it. I’ve finally broken my binge cycle and I’ve finally started losing.
Life is good. Birds are singing. The sun is shining again. A horde of puppies and kittens is coming to cuddle me. I’m shaking hands with Dumbledore. I’ve won the house cup. I am in heaven.* My parents might be finally upgrading our internet plan to something with a decent speed. I’ve found a website that streams Kerrang TV worldwide.

^*All^of^this^is^happening^inside^my^head,^sadly.^No^real^life^puppies^and^kittens^and^no^Dumbledore^here^:(
^The^last^two^are^real^though.

Nothing else interesting to say, just wanted to share something positive for once... it’s quite rare for me to post anything that isn’t a desperate and/or pissed off rant ahah

---

[Discussion] How to get back on track?
/u/coffeeanddietcokee
Created: Sun Jun 10 19:10:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5i58/how_to_get_back_on_track/
---
To make a long story short\- I was near a LW (in my recent years, not my actual LW) in like.. February? Ever since, I've gained 6 pounds (of fat, not water weight). I yo\-yo all week lose 1 or 2 pounds, gain it back friday/saturday/sunday then lose it again the next week.

For some reason, this week I gained weight even though I'm eating really healthy (well minus f/s/s). And it wasn't period weight.

So I dont know how to get out of this cycle and just LOSE weight and get back to my LW. Has anyone been stuck in the low calorie cycle mon\-thurs & just gain it back every weekend? How do I stop? Help!

---

Purged for the first time after a binge, really frustrated with myself
/u/KlokWerkN
Created: Sun Jun 10 19:01:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5fzk/purged_for_the_first_time_after_a_binge_really/
---
I was hanging out with my friends and had a big bonfire, everyone was enjoying themselves but of course I have to fuck it up all the time and started bingeing and eating all of his food and the candy I bought. I was feeling really upset and I left and went to the bathroom and jammed fingers down my throat like I've tried a million times before but this time I figured it out and vomited into the toilet, getting vomit all over my hand and part of my hair I washed up and went straight to bed. I purged several more times that night. I really fucking hate this and that I ruined a great night with friends. I remember hearing one of my friends exhale in a frustrated way when they asked if I was sick/throwing up. I'm such a fuck up and that's why I don't have any other friends and the last 2 friends that I have that can tolerate me are getting sick of my shit. It's been hard enough trying to fight off the urge to self harm but I don't really see a point now.

---

[Rant/Rave] Pissed Off. Need to Rant.
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sun Jun 10 18:40:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q5bg1/pissed_off_need_to_rant/
---
I'm sorry I'm posting a lot. A lot of things are bothering me today. Im about to quit my job. Sorry if I sound like a baby, but I dont think 'normal' people understand that when you have a BMI of 16, physical work is INCREASINGLY difficult. Maybe I'm just stubborn, but I refuse to gain weight even if it will make my life easier at work. I guess I'm just that sick. My boyfriend works in the same restaurant as me and I just told him I cant do this anymore. He says "I'm working hard too. It's not that bad." YEAH MAYBE ITS NOT THAT BAD FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU ARENT FUCKING SICK. I'm not trying to blame anyone because I know I'm doing this to myself. But if I have to lose my job or whatever to lose more weight, I really dont give a fuck anymore. My boyfriend doesn't understand my ED. Neither do my coworkers. I guess I need an office job where I can sit on my ass all day because I'm too weak to carry dishes. Ugh.

---

[Help] Convince me that a bmi of 19 is thin.
/u/bloomoonxx
Created: Sun Jun 10 18:27:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q58nw/convince_me_that_a_bmi_of_19_is_thin/
---
This is gonna be long and My flair isn’t updated. Ok so In a week I’m going to see my friend. For a few months I’ve been binging so I’ve gained up to a bmi of high 19’s (I’m crying writing this because I’m so disgusted with myself) no offence if you are weigh more than that because I actually like how it looks on other people, they look thin at that weight but not me. I have bdd so my perception of myself is skewed. Basically I fasted today and excersized and I’m fasting all week because I CANNOT handle leaving my house like this. I actually stopped binging recently and I was just eating normal amounts (my intake was around 2000 calories a day when I was binging) but I need to lose weight as fast as possible for the next week.I am having constant panic attacks over this because I want to hang out with her so badly because it’s always fun but we are going to a club and I can’t shake the feeling that other people will think I’m the fat friend. Especially cause my friend is skinny. Please convince me that a bmi of 19 isn’t fat to normal people. I almost cancelled because of this but it wouldn’t be fair to my friend. Please convince me.

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[Other] Tighten it up!
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Sun Jun 10 18:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q570y/tighten_it_up/
---
https://i.redd.it/uxuoy8jam9311.png

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[Discussion] Les talk supplements.
/u/losemore
Created: Sun Jun 10 18:19:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q56q6/les_talk_supplements/
---
So I’ve come to the realisation that due to the minuscule amount of calories I consume along with all the drugs / cigarettes and alcohol, I should really start taking supplements.

So what do you all take? I’m vegan so I know I need to take iron, but besides from that.. I’m pretty clueless!

---

Christie Swadling E Book?
/u/alreadydeadjess
Created: Sun Jun 10 18:06:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q53jj/christie_swadling_e_book/
---
Does anyone have Christie Swadlings new e book that they would be willing to email me a pdf of?

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Smooth Move Tea?
/u/_Pulltab_
Created: Sun Jun 10 18:02:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q52wk/smooth_move_tea/
---
Has anyone used this? Is it safe? I don’t want to start using laxatives because I know how bad that can be but I’m having a lot of constipation while restricting even though I, eating nearly all veggies and drink at least a gallon and a half of water a day. If I drink it, how long will it take to work and how long will it last?

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Chewing gum betrayed me
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Sun Jun 10 17:56:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q51gh/chewing_gum_betrayed_me/
---
Chewing gum has been one of my go-tos for restriction, well!! No more!! I am so SWOLLEN and BLOATED right now. It would almost be funny if I didn’t resemble an Oompa Loompa in the stomach area. Apparently swallowing air/tricking your stomach into thinking food is coming will actually make you bloat. Great 🙃🙃🙃

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New job, weight gain
/u/snottygurl
Created: Sun Jun 10 17:51:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q50fp/new_job_weight_gain/
---
I used to be a waitress so I’m used to being active and on my feet almost everyday. Except now I got a new office job so sitting around all day has caused me to gain a crap ton of weight. I’m up to 110lbs from my normal 105lbs and my GW is 100lbs. Also I’m pretty sure since I’m not dead tired anymore (after a day of waitressing I just crash when I get home) I come home and binge eat all evening until I go to sleep. I’ve dealt with BE/ED for most of my teenage and adult life. Has anyone been through his type of transition and do you have any tips to last throughout the whole day without binging?

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[Help] Please help I’m on vacation with my boyfriend and I’m eating 4000 calories a day and I still have 13 days left.
/u/LLazarus732
Created: Sun Jun 10 17:32:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q4w0s/please_help_im_on_vacation_with_my_boyfriend_and/
---
I was restricting so well for months and then I left for this two week vacation to ITALY (carb and oil hell) with my boyfriend who doesn’t understand my ED at all and I cannot stop eating over 4000 calories a day and I’m absolutely devastated. Do you guys have any strategies or coping methods you could recommend for getting through this carb saturated nightmare? Because I’m hurting really bad and currently hammered and it’s making it worse and it’s day 3 :( please help me not gain 20 pounds before this is over. It’s tearing me apart.

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Binged on 2400 calories consisting of halo top and larabars. How do I deal with the aftermath?
/u/Creepy_Bite
Created: Sun Jun 10 17:22:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q4tlj/binged_on_2400_calories_consisting_of_halo_top/
---
After being judged several times last week for counting calories, my binge alarm set off and triggered a massive splurge on sugar. My coworkers (and a customer) always offer me food and after getting sick of making up excuses like "I'm allergic to everything (partially true)" or "I already ate a big breakfast", I just decided to blurt out "I can't, I'm done my calories for the day." This is always followed by the question "How many calories do you eat?" or "why do you do it"? I HATE these questions with a passion so I make something up most of the time... 30 minutes later they still ask me if they can treat me with an iced cap or something else even after I made it clear to them that I can't. This always makes me feel guilty.

Anyway, I finally tried halo top after listening to everyone rave about it. While it did taste pretty good for an ice cream alternative, it wasn't satisfying at all. The artificial sugar in it made me crave real sugar that much more. I ended up eating the whole pint as well as several larabars and cliff bars afterwards. I feel extremely guilty, bloated and nauseous. How do I not beat myself up for this?

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Is it possible to damage your metabolism?
/u/sabadr
Created: Sun Jun 10 17:16:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q4s6y/is_it_possible_to_damage_your_metabolism/
---
Ive been eating around 600~800 calories for maintaining my weight (112).
Anytime i eat over 1000 calories i gain weight. I was 108 and i was eating 1000 calories a day and i gained 4 pounds in one month :(.
I dont know what to do

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How to speak with cousin that has an ED?
/u/wolterjwb
Created: Sun Jun 10 17:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q4rol/how_to_speak_with_cousin_that_has_an_ed/
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Meeting up with my cousin (female and I'm male) that I haven't seen or talked with in a while. We used to be close but drifted apart and are on opposite coasts now but I happened to get an assignment where I'm near her for work so we're making time to hang out. She has had an ED for at least the past year and moving back to NYC (she's a model) earlier this year hasn't helped.

Our entire family is in the midwest so she doesn't have any support close by. I'm fairly good at having discussions with people (non-confrontational, letting them speak, open ended questions, etc.) but this is a touchy subject and I really want her to get help. Looking for any practical advice from people that have had this discussion.

Thanks in advance for the help.

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[Help] What is the highest calorie burning workout?
/u/astro-punk
Created: Sun Jun 10 16:44:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q4khh/what_is_the_highest_calorie_burning_workout/
---

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Tastiest, easiest, cheapest, veganest, biggest dinner ever! (420 kcal)
/u/fatterfly
Created: Sun Jun 10 16:41:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q4jru/tastiest_easiest_cheapest_veganest_biggest_dinner/
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I just had the best most filling meal of my life and I'm so excited so I really want to share with you guys!


2 oz uncooked white rice (210 cal)


10 oz cauliflower, chopped to little florets (75 cal)


1 tsp vegetable oil (45 cal)


1/2 bouillon cube (10 cal)


3 oz crushed tomato (30 cal)


3 oz tomato basil sauce (50 cal)


Salt, pepper and spices. I used a bit of powdered ginger, garlic powder and basil powder (0/? cal)


P.S. all numbers are rounded up


Steps:


1. Put 1/2 tsp of oil in a pot and then add dry rice. Keep stirring until the rice is browned and a bit toasted


2. Add raw cauliflower and stir.

3. Add water (2 parts water for 1 part rice) and the bouillon cube and stir until it's dissolved.


4. Cover and cook on low heat for 15-18 minutes, stir occasionally.


5. When all the water is absorbed, add the tomato + tomato sauce and salt/pepper/spices.



6. Stir for 2-3 minutes until it's not too runny.


7. EAT THE WHOLE THING




I hope anyone is as excited about this as I am lol. I know oil is a fear food for many people here but TRUST ME toasting the rice makes it sooo much better and it's def worth the 40-50 calories!

---

[Help] How to stop "Final meal" mentality?
/u/ydboy
Created: Sun Jun 10 16:38:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q4j57/how_to_stop_final_meal_mentality/
---
I know a lot of us do this, the whole final feast before you restrict/fast. Except I know that it'll never work. Like it'll launch me into a binge session... but I still keep giving into the urges. I'll tell myself that I'll eat this now and start my restriction tomorrow. For some reason I have this illogical thinking where I'm afraid I won't get to taste a favorite food again in the future/fear of giving up free food opportunities. Almost contradictory because I'm afraid of food but at the same time grew up with fear of wasting it. No matter how many times I tell myself that food is forever existing and I can just have it later down the road, I ignore it and give in. It's the worst logic ever.

---

What percentage of really thin people have an eating disorder? Signs and visuals to look out for?
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Sun Jun 10 16:37:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q4iw4/what_percentage_of_really_thin_people_have_an/
---
I find myself looking at a lot of really thin people and thinking "wow they have to be messed up to be that thin." And I try to figure out if they have an ED.

Is it just because I have an ED that I think this? Or do a lot of really thin people actually have a problem?

---

when you've been restricting really well, but then one mildly distressing event occurs
/u/cocionut
Created: Sun Jun 10 16:28:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q4gm3/when_youve_been_restricting_really_well_but_then/
---
https://i.redd.it/dq83hrx629311.jpg

---

how little do i have to weigh for people to worry
/u/acosed
Created: Sun Jun 10 16:10:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q4cb7/how_little_do_i_have_to_weigh_for_people_to_worry/
---
i dont wanr people to care but i also so fucking do
i want people to think im a bit too small
i want people to see me as skinny first and foremost
i want people to suggest treatment plans

how little do i have to be for this
i swear im fat until this point

---

[Help] When Do People Notice? I Don't Feel 'Sick' Enough...
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sun Jun 10 15:56:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q48ie/when_do_people_notice_i_dont_feel_sick_enough/
---
I'm struggling, you guys. I have thoughts where I desperately want people to ask me if I'm okay, if I'm sick, what's going on, etc. At the same time, I'm afraid of those types of comments. I'm afraid of confrontation.

Working in a restuarant and being constantly surrounded by the public, I'm kind of surprised I don't get comments on my weight from coworkers or customers. My BMI is mid 16. I feel so conflicted. Ive lost over 25 lbs within the past year. Is it not enough? I'm happy people mind their own business... but at the same time I want someone to reach out? This is driving me insane.

I'm smaller than any of my coworkers. I'm also only 5'2. I'm feeling desperate & it's fueling my restriction. Will anyone notice if I reach 85 lbs? 80? 75? I don't like being sick but I DO NOT want to gain weight. I am so fucked up in the head. I am not small enough.

---

new ED book find
/u/coffeeanddietcokee
Created: Sun Jun 10 15:39:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q4459/new_ed_book_find/
---
okay the book isn't new new but I just recently discovered it and it lightly touches on the author's bulimia. its mainly about partying, drugs, adderall and other related things. she often talks about how skinny she was and how she doesnt eat from using adderall so much. so if youre looking for a new book, here ya go.
its called how to murder your life by cat marnell. it's so amazing. shes also really thin.

---

I fainted for the first time today
/u/gastrulablastopore
Created: Sun Jun 10 15:38:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q43xm/i_fainted_for_the_first_time_today/
---
(rant/rave) on mobile sorry
So i conked out i front of all my family and knocked my head hard 😕 and cue everyone telling me its because I havennt been eating these past says and how I need to because it’s bad for my health... like YEAH no shit that’s the point... Suddenly hearing this from you makes me want to eat! I fucking hate how they pretend to care, I fucking hate how they probably think i’m some vain bitch (which i totally am but its not that simple!) , I appreciate but also hate their concern brcause it hurts my pride, I hate how my dad acts like I can open up to him when he just openly talks about how mental illness = homelessness, I hate how my mom acts all concerned when as a kid she went on crash diets all the time and talked avout how fat she was even tho she was lighter than me, I hate this family that pushes me into high standards and tells me that getting into UCLA is easy, I hate being East Asian and every single time my grandma in China calls me the first thing she tells me is that I need to lose weight before literally anything else I hate how my mom used to call me fat as she guilted me into eating copious amounts of food because that’s East asian is’t it??! We expect you to stay thin while eating buffets! They just made me drink some orange juice so now I’ve definitely went over my calorie limit. I wish they would just all leave me alone and let me starve because this is not what I need right now

---

[Help] could omad (one meal a day) right before bed cause problems?
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sun Jun 10 15:20:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q3ze7/could_omad_one_meal_a_day_right_before_bed_cause/
---
this past month or so i found that eating all my cals (\~800) an hour or so before going to bed works best for me physically and mentally. i dont find going to bed on a full stomach disrupts my sleep unless i have something water dense that makes me wake up and have to pee. i dont have any issues with energy throughout the day either. i do get pretty moody and tired in the evenings but thats to be expected with any unhealthy amount of restriction so whatever.

im wondering whether eating right before bed impacts the way your body metabolizes food though? could the slowing of metabolism at night impact how much your body absorbs from food? idk maybe im just paranoid.

---

[Rant/Rave] sweets are from the devil
/u/songfireleaf
Created: Sun Jun 10 14:48:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q3ra4/sweets_are_from_the_devil/
---
At work, we have a bunch of brownies that look too shitty to sell, so they're just SITTING IN THE BACK AND WE'RE ALLOWED TO EAT THEM FOR FREE IF WE WANT THEM.

Like 90% of my binging/reactive eating tends to be triggered by really high calorie sugary shit like desserts. These brownies were my favorite thing when I was not completely terrified by food. They're aaaaalso 670 calories apiece. Last time I had something sweet at work (a little piece of a cookie), I ended up shoving roughly 1000 calories in my face through just desserts, plus another 800ish while still at work, and at least another 1400 when I got home. It was a very bad day.
I've been restricting to 500 recently after typically restricting higher, so I'm constantly hungry and tired as fuck. Doesn't help that I've been obsessive about burning at least 1000 cals a day, which is way too easy at work. Also the added sleep deprivation does not help at all.
I know if I even ate a crumb of a brownie I'd be down for the count. Honestly, if I even sniff them too long I'm fucked. I act like a 2 year old around sweets, even though I despise myself the entire time I'm eating that garbage.

I'm working a split shift today so I'll have to be around that garbage for another 6 hours while I'm so hungry I feel like I'm going to throw up. I want to kick my entire ass, or "accidentally" throw them all away, or just fucking lay down and cry.

tldr; life sucks, there are free sweets at work that I love that trigger binges, I am tired and hungry as shit, I wanna cry

---

I bought new pants
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Sun Jun 10 14:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q3r7d/i_bought_new_pants/
---
I ordered a pair online and by their standards I shouldn’t fit in them. My waist was one inch too big. They’re supposed to take a week to Groth here so I’ve been spending that time trying to lose the weight. They’ll be here Tuesday and I’m actively scared they won’t fit

---

[Discussion] DAE fine calorie counting makes them fatter/more binge prone?
/u/thejailers
Created: Sun Jun 10 14:40:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q3p2u/dae_fine_calorie_counting_makes_them_fattermore/
---
I finally deleted LoseIt and I’m kinda nervous but at the same time I know that I was at my skinniest when I just ate healthy foods and didn’t obsess about the calories. Calorie counting makes my entire day revolve around my food intake, which means it’s what I’m mostly thinking about which inevitably leads to a binge

---

[Help] Fainting spells long after recovering
/u/SStarte
Created: Sun Jun 10 14:38:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q3ong/fainting_spells_long_after_recovering/
---
If I don’t eat by 6 at night, I get violent and angry then cry then pass out from light headedness. I’ve had this since I recovered over a year ago. Has anyone else had experience with this?

---

[Other] Told my mother about my ED last night.
/u/crushedcantharis
Created: Sun Jun 10 14:28:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q3m1v/told_my_mother_about_my_ed_last_night/
---
After having to jump from restaurant to restaurant -- my dog wasn't allowed to join us for outdoor seating at the first place, whaaat -- I was freakin' just a lil' bit about recalculating my planned calorie intake. Words just... happened? Her response was asking, "how did this happen?" Nothing else has been said about it.

/SHRUG REACTION GIF GOES HERE

---

[Discussion] DAE feel guilty about eating, even though it's way under your TDEE?
/u/fizzyvelvet
Created: Sun Jun 10 14:21:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q3ka7/dae_feel_guilty_about_eating_even_though_its_way/
---
I just had two different types of ice cream, 310 cal total, and it's all I'm going to eat today, but I feel so guilty, like I'm going to gain 3,000 pounds from it...

---

[Rant/Rave] at my lowest weight in the last 3 years and all I feel is bloated
/u/changedish
Created: Sun Jun 10 14:18:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q3jem/at_my_lowest_weight_in_the_last_3_years_and_all_i/
---
my stomach feels so full. usually I only get to new LWs when I fast for a while and I’m completely empty, but my stomach is so so puffy and soft right now. I weighed myself on two separate scales so I know the weight is correct, but I can’t help but feel huge still.
I know that this is a good thing - it means I’m probably actually lower and I’ll see it when the bloat goes away. but a small part of me can’t help but feel like all of this is for nothing, because my waist is expanding as the number on the scale is dropping lower.
this doesn’t make any sense I know. I just had to get it out.

---

[Rant/Rave] the lesser I weigh, the bigger I feel
/u/commtra
Created: Sun Jun 10 13:02:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q308m/the_lesser_i_weigh_the_bigger_i_feel/
---
At my lowest weight of 2018 and I feel fucking disgusting.

---

Friendly PSA: Dehydration is no joke!
/u/UnderseaK
Created: Sun Jun 10 12:47:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q2w8k/friendly_psa_dehydration_is_no_joke/
---
Hey guys, just a friendly reminder. It's summer, and the heat is ramping up. Especially in the US South and Midwest, where it is currently hotter than anything should be. PLEASE STAY HYDRATED! When you are fasting, restricting, or purging, you are at a much, much higher risk of dehydration, and dehydration is not a joke! Fainting, heat stroke, serious heart problems, and death are all things that can happen.


Keep drinking water, and keep an eye on your electrolytes. Even if you are fasting, drink a little bit of salt or something in water, because water without electrolytes is almost worse than no water at all.

Stay safe everybody. <3

---

[Rant/Rave] Not 100% ED-related, just body image issue rant brought on by binging
/u/kingarthersixties
Created: Sun Jun 10 12:30:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q2rze/not_100_edrelated_just_body_image_issue_rant/
---
Hello friends, this isn't 100% ED-related, so idk if this is allowed, but I need a place to talk about my body image issues. I have gained 10 pounds, and I feel absolutely disgusting. This may be tmi, but I'm going to college next year and I know sex happens lol but I can't imagine having sex with this stomach. I'm terrified of wearing a bikini, and a good replacement would be a one-piece or a tankini, but I think those would only accentuate my issues because I would be hiding behind them, and even then, they are all very tight and show my fat even more.

I just want to go back to how I looked 5 months ago. I brought this on myself with all this binging, but I'm just so disgusted. To make it worse, I'm not a very attractive person, so I'm just a fat, ugly blob and I hate it. I'm going go see family in a week unless I die before then in a plane crash or something, and they're going to see my weight gain. I told my mom about my weight gain, and she sticks to her story that you can't tell, but when I said I gained 10 pounds, she was shocked. I can grip my stomach fat. And I'm mad at myself, because I can start eating at 1200 calories a day and working out to lose weight like a normal human being, but I can't because I'm a lazy piece of shit.

---

[Rant/Rave] In and out of recovery (tw, ed behaviours etc)
/u/anabsenceoflife
Created: Sun Jun 10 12:20:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q2pbf/in_and_out_of_recovery_tw_ed_behaviours_etc/
---
I really do urge you to not read this if you think you'll be upset by the contents, i really just need to get this off my chest and I truly do not want to upset anyone.

I was building myself up to this post literally since i created this account. I post on another one, but I need anonymity tbh.

This last month has been a nightmare, I was in my own version of recovery, and have been for a solid like 3 years or something stupid so my body has a new (healthy?) routine that it likes to throw at me every day.

I'm finding life so unbearable, I'm literally surrounded by food all day because I work with pizza. Steadily, my days have become more and more awful, and I'm beginning to break down basically.

I cannot do this anymore, it is just so damn hard to stay in recovery and it is just as hard to come out of it. I'm in this spiral of ridiculous bullshit where I have to log each and everything that I eat, and not logging anything at all because "i deserve a treat". Fucking hell I've gained literally two stone since "recovering", i used to fit size 6-8 (I'm a 6"1 trans girl). And now I'm a 12, its ridiculous and I have never hated myself more than I do now because I lack all of the means and accessibility that I had before. Restriction was easier because I wasn't employed, or I was around healthier food, not to mention that I used to be able to steal laxatives and diet pills from this one pharmacy, who have since upgraded their security. So I can't even have the comforts they brought me. I also lack a gag reflex so no purging for me.

All I can really do is hope exercise clears my head and I can come to some form of middle ground with all of this. But at the moment it all feels really hopeless, and I want to lose the weight I've gained so I don't have to feel like this anymore.

---

Bloating and PMS binging
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Sun Jun 10 11:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q2gwp/bloating_and_pms_binging/
---
Between my PMS and subsequent extreme binging over the last 3 days, I am probably the most bloated I've ever been in my life. Does anyone have good tips for getting rid of the bloating and avoiding binges while on your period? It seems like I'm in this place every month and it sucks.

---

Asians and lower BMIs
/u/iLikePoro
Created: Sun Jun 10 11:02:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q25bm/asians_and_lower_bmis/
---
Inspired from that video post a few days ago, about a Korean Youtuber who was like 160cm and 42kg, which I can't find anymore for some reason, I'm wondering why a lot of Asians seem fine existing at a much lower/underweight BMI than other races. I tried looking up if there was any research into it but all I've found were:
*Asians typically have smaller bones/build
*It's more dangerous for Asians to be at a higher BMI due to the way fat is stored on them; caveat: this statistic only pertains to the higher range of the BMI scale.

I know most Asian cultures have a stigma against being overweight, and the way they eat usually entails fewer calories, so being a lower weight isn't something that they're magically endowed with. I'm just wondering why many Asians can be underweight and yet seem like they have no repercussions like most other races. Even in subreddits like loseit or 1200isplenty, you see plenty of posts about the dangers of eating less than 1200; however, the daily intake of those I mentioned, even including the Korean YT I mentioned in the beginning, hardly reaches 1200 and they've been fine. Is there any research into this, or is this just one of those things that is brushed under the rug because it's the status quo and there's no visible issues?

---

Trying to get better but it’s getting worse?
/u/toozelda
Created: Sun Jun 10 10:55:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q23hy/trying_to_get_better_but_its_getting_worse/
---
Last night I was DETERMINED to keep this huge cal meal down and I went in and ate more last night than I’ve eaten in months. We went to a meal at our favorite place with a friend, I hadn’t eaten all day and literally ate the entire plate and an appetizer. I was STILL hungry after, almost like my body got a taste and wanted to stock up. I restrict myself to whole grain and water crackers and coffee and veg. (I am TERRIFIED to go over my low cal limit, and I can’t get out the habit of having to purge each night)I said to my husband that I felt huge but was still craving, his friend and him were laughing and messing about. And it struck a nerve, like I was extremely upset and felt so so low about myself, we went straight home and I purged the lot. Now my throat is sore, I can barely drink anything, I’m afraid to eat today and I haven’t told my husband. But I did say how panicked I felt and afraid I would wake up having gained 20lb, and he told me ‘it’s fine’ and that’s impossible (I know it is but my ED doesn’t) and ‘you’ve been fine lately). I used to ask him to keep an eye on me after meals, because I felt I was ready to be better. He stopped trying to help, and I fell into this harder than I have before. I LOVE that empty feeling after a purge, but I hate the daytime weakness, diet teas, 3 hours a day at the gym and the constant no satisfaction from my reflection or meals, and the suspicious doctors. This has never been as bad as it is now, and I’m beyond how to cope with it. I’m just afraid about how bad it’s all going to get and how to cope. I don’t want to go to anyone but I want to get better. Billy

---

[Rant/Rave] I must lose every day or I'm a failure
/u/CepheidVox
Created: Sun Jun 10 10:53:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q22z7/i_must_lose_every_day_or_im_a_failure/
---
I haven't lost weight in 4 days and I'm irrationally angry about it. It doesn't matter that I lost 5lbs last week, all that matters is that I haven't lost since then. I have this impossible expectation to lose a pound every day and I hate myself if I don't accomplish it. I keep restricting lower and lower to try and speed it up and pumish myself. It's so painful and so stupid and I don't know how to change my perspective on it.

---

Pro-Tip to losing a pant size in a week: Move to a business professional city, quit driving, don't ask where the bathrooms are in the office
/u/ricemask
Created: Sun Jun 10 10:52:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q22uk/protip_to_losing_a_pant_size_in_a_week_move_to_a/
---
Currently I'm intern in Washington D.C., I'm so happy that everyone here doesn't eat. Most people here drink diet coke or coffee and just so worked focused. Coming from California, I drove every where and I would just happen to go to Whole Foods or get lunch or whatever. But in this city, everything is very fast paced and you're always on the move. I probably walk like 10 miles a day from being lost. I've been dry fasting until I get home because I don't know where the bathrooms are in our building. So far I've been going to happy hour but I lose my appetite when drinking so I'm totally okay with it. Business lunches usually involve diet cokes or dry salads so that people can converse and talk. For work outs, every one goes for walks or runs, and even if I didn't want to look like a fatass, I could pretend to be a tourist. Everyone here is so fit and not into eating that it's so motivating and I don't have to stress about it because I've been forcing myself to be busy. :))))

I'm just so happy to be here and I feel like I can be myself.

---

[Rant/Rave] sometimes the discourse here is so exciting, diverse, intelligent, comprehensive and cordial
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl
Created: Sun Jun 10 10:18:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q1uko/sometimes_the_discourse_here_is_so_exciting/
---
some posts totally suck and people leave comments that make me feel ick,

but this place sometimes is so cool about mental\-health, feminism, psychology, sociology etc.

it's pretty cool

also users tend to be quite nice to each other even when they disagree

---

[Discussion] DAE treat fast lengths as a reward?
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Sun Jun 10 10:16:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q1u5s/dae_treat_fast_lengths_as_a_reward/
---
I used to do 18:6 IF, then got to 20:4 and told myself if I successfully stuck to that for a week, I could do alternate day fasting... Then if I could complete that successfully for 3 fasts, I could try a longer, multiday fast.

I noticed I got less and less excited to break fast as the timer got higher. I'd want to keep going but feared binge eating. I've noticed some people use fasts as a punishment for a binge but for me they've always been cleansing. I have ginger tea and a bath, probably a lax in the morning. After 24 hours I feel balanced. Then I wait for my eating window and try to moderate intake.

But lately I've just wanted to assess whether I want to continue the fast, and after breaking personal times I feel like I can reward myself with that option. IDK I just really like to fast it's never a negative thing to me.

---

When you want to binge after a week of restricting
/u/krd1310
Created: Sun Jun 10 10:07:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q1s1s/when_you_want_to_binge_after_a_week_of_restricting/
---
https://imgur.com/leeWwxJ

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Can someone give me an objective evaluation of my body? I sometimes feel thin and dainty and sometimes feel like a shapeless refrigerator.
/u/djjsksbd
Created: Sun Jun 10 09:46:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q1muq/can_someone_give_me_an_objective_evaluation_of_my/
---
https://imgur.com/WLWtXNS

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In the same weight gain boat...and feel like one. Help?
/u/GreigeSwan
Created: Sun Jun 10 09:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q1mme/in_the_same_weight_gain_boatand_feel_like_one_help/
---
I was on my way to 114 and feeling pretty good about it. Felt like I would pass out Friday and then BAM came home to weigh myself and the scale has gone up...feel bloated when I measure myself. The scale has only gone up more, despite working out, not going over my cals, and drinking tons of water in hopes of flushing whatever the fuck out. I'm up to 118 and could just cry. It has taken me months to get down to 114 from 118 and I can't afford to lose that time. I need to be 110 by August.
My period is on its way but could that be holding on to up to 4 pounds? What the everloving hell is this? I see others in this situation and am hoping someone can calm me down or rationalize what's going on. My pants are still looser and my shirts are baggier, as they have been....I hope these 4 pounds dissolve. I'm going on vacation and thought I could relax on the cal counts for a few days but now I'm afraid I'll come back and weigh 5 more pounds.

---

[Rant/Rave] Woke up to $8 in my bank account
/u/xxxanon1117
Created: Sun Jun 10 09:28:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q1ihw/woke_up_to_8_in_my_bank_account/
---
Could be worse, but I need gas and to go grocery shopping today. Can't eat if you can't afford food \*insert thinking meme\*. Is selling your underwear online dangerous?

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[Other] Gingerbread Smoothie
/u/fxuk
Created: Sun Jun 10 09:07:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q1dit/gingerbread_smoothie/
---
https://i.redd.it/uplryjrnv6311.jpg

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I’ve stalled at 114.4 and I’m pissed
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Sun Jun 10 08:58:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q1bjs/ive_stalled_at_1144_and_im_pissed/
---
I’m 5’5” and before I was at 116/115. Then 114. Then 112.8. Then my friend and my parents made me eat and despite exercise I’m at 114.4. It’s so frustrating. My goal is 110 and i was so close and then they made me eat and I’ve been stuck since. I guess this week I’ll have to restrict hard again.

---

[Discussion] DAE hate feeling like they “wasted” their calories?
/u/pistachiocreams
Created: Sun Jun 10 08:31:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q15fw/dae_hate_feeling_like_they_wasted_their_calories/
---
so long story short, i ate at macaroni grill today with my parents and was (no surprise) panicking over what i was gonna get. they had none of the healthy options i had looked at online so after almost giving in to pressure to get a 900 cal+ pasta dish i got a caprese salad. it wasn’t even good but i ate half of it because i was so hungry. there goes like 250 calories not counting the 150 i’d consumed in bread right before. :/

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I fucking hate how some redditors think their dick is all that matters.
/u/smileyslimey
Created: Sun Jun 10 07:07:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q0o91/i_fucking_hate_how_some_redditors_think_their/
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Whenever someone points out an actress or model that male redditors swoon about is underweight or underage, so many guys will jump to the "defense" of "Well, but she looks good to me."

Like for example Natalia Dyer - who in my opinion is gorgeous, but very visibly skinny - guys will say "She's fine and I'm sure she's healthy because *I, a male* am attracted to her."

One time I pointed out how many celebrities nowadays are actually underweight because being underweight isn't always being a skeleton and almost dying. And that being skinny takes *effort* for most women. You want a girl who slams cheeseburgers and fries regularly and looks like a VS model? Fucking choose one.
The answer of course was "But they look good". (Which by the way only shows that it's not health most people care about when they shame fat people, specifically fat women. It's about beauty.)

Like no shit, that's not my point. I think skinny women look good too. But starving myself to that unhealthy ideal made me the unhealthiest I've ever been, while men loved my underweight appearance.
But they don't want to hear it and we can't fucking talk about this because your dick is apparently all that matters. Just because you want to fuck someone doesn't mean they are healthy.

---

What’s your favorite diet soda?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Sun Jun 10 07:05:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q0nz2/whats_your_favorite_diet_soda/
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The tittle explains it all.. 🙂

Whats your favorite diet soda and which tastes the most like the non-diet version to you?

diet creme soda tastes the most like the non-diet version to me, it kinda reminds me of butter beer at Universal.. or is it just me😂

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TW my mum said I don't know when to stop eating
/u/Judo_Noob_PTX
Created: Sun Jun 10 06:33:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q0i59/tw_my_mum_said_i_dont_know_when_to_stop_eating/
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Rant/rave, on mobile.

This was yesterday. It's my birthday tomorrow and we're going out to eat FML. Throwback to birthday 2 years ago pre-ED or any disordered thoughts regarding by eating, I had a lot to eat. And I mean a lot. A giant burger, fries with meaty gravy, and a huge ice cream sundae at 'restaurant X'. Then I felt really sick and had to walk around the car park for half an hour before feeling well enough to get in the car and go home.

Yesterday I brought this up jokingly, saying 'we're not going to Restaurant X again!'. She then proceeds to say about how of course we're not going back there, I ate way too much that time. And she said 'you eat so much, you just don't know when to stop'. Fucking TRIGGERED AS HELL. I know I ate too much!! You don't have to liken me to a fucking pig!

Anyway, it's going to be different this year. I'm going to restrict as much as I possibly can even though I'm with my mum the entire day. Hopefully get away with a tiny breakfast - maybe just yoghurt, then the lightest lunch possible at wherever we go, and then a tiny dinner. Hell no to dessert, the cake they're buying for me is bad enough. I will stay strong on my cake day (note this is also partially an accountability post - I don't want to let Ana down).
I'm also restricting as much as possible today. Heinz cup of soup for lunch - they're a godsend, only 77 calories for the vegetable one!

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 10, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 10 06:11:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q0ec9/daily_food_diary_june_10_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 10, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

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[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 10 06:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q0ec6/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

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[Rant/Rave] [vent] Feeling worthless on this Sunday afternoon
/u/thejailers
Created: Sun Jun 10 05:43:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q09ys/vent_feeling_worthless_on_this_sunday_afternoon/
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I feel so worthless. My appearance occupies my entire life, it's all I think about. I'm getting nowhere with my body. I've been trying pilates, but wobbling around on my mat in my bedroom is going absolutely no where. My body still looks like cottage cheese and I have absolutely no body strength. I really want to get into running, but I just can't find the motivation to get off my fat ass. All weekend I've been binging and taking heavy duty sleeping pills. I just looked at my face and I'm broken out, bloated and grey looking.

I'm also addicted to reading SkinnyGossip. They bash women I could only dream of looking like. It's such a big *trigger* but I can't stop checking it.

---

[Goal] edie sedgwick
/u/real-stevebuscemi
Created: Sun Jun 10 05:26:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q07gz/edie_sedgwick/
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nobody triggers me like edie sedgwick has.

she was so beautiful, she looked like an angel.

at her lowest she seemed to be around a 14 bmi. she was anorexic and bulimic, danced at a ballet studio all day for excersize and would replace food with amphetamines etc.

aside from her looks, she was an incredibly intelligent and troubled person. she became a key figure in the 60s underground art scene. The songs 'just like a woman' and 'leopard skin pillbox hat' by bob dylan and 'femme fatale' by the velvet underground are said to have been written about her.

if you have time, watch the segment from the merve griffin show with andy warhol from the late 60s. the dynamic between the two is beautiful, and she is so thin. seeing photos of her always inspires me to lose weight.

don't know why i felt the need to post this, i just thought i would share.

*Processing gif tvsoxhx4s5311...*

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[Rant/Rave] 10/6, 568 calories and too much guilt
/u/real-stevebuscemi
Created: Sun Jun 10 04:48:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8q01yn/106_568_calories_and_too_much_guilt/
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Today's food. I ate so much, I feel fat and i've done almost no excersize :(

I used to be so healthy but now i just eat so much crap even though I don't want to. Anyway, here it is:

*Processing img 61jef2hok5311...*

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I overeat at work every damn day
/u/wrinkle-crease
Created: Sun Jun 10 04:12:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pzx13/i_overeat_at_work_every_damn_day/
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I have such a problem lately where I go to work and start feeling hungry, then during a quick break I'll run to the corner store, buy a bunch of crackers, cookies, chocolate, chips and/or donuts, then inhale them all! I am wasting SO much money doing this and it's made me visibly fatter in the past few weeks. I don't even feel like I'm binging but I'll often end up eating 1,500+ calories in one quick sitting. Then I feel disgustingly fat, go home, and my bf has made dinner for me. I don't want to tell him about my horrible eating habits so I'll usually say I ate a snack cuz i was too hungry, but I feel awful wasting his home-cooked food and binging on empty snacks instead. How do I break this cycle???

---

Thank you so much to whoever posted about the ginger, lemon and chilli tea last night!
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Sun Jun 10 03:48:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pztvr/thank_you_so_much_to_whoever_posted_about_the/
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I've just made a pot of it and it's so good! Admittedly I have no plain green tea so it's just lemon, ginger and a teaspoon of chilli flakes. I've been wanting to try 'odd' combinations for a while and I never thought about adding chilli. I know that all three are good for losing weight so I'm hoping that it'll help when I go on my walk in a bit and (TMI) with my constipation recently.

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[Discussion] Coke Zero vanilla hack for Canadians
/u/gothicapples
Created: Sun Jun 10 03:15:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pzped/coke_zero_vanilla_hack_for_canadians/
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I don’t know if it’s all Canadians but where I’m from you can not find Diet Coke/Coke Zero vanilla and I love it so freaking much and I miss it since I moved back to Canada after living in the states for a while BUT I found something that works

I bought sugar free vanilla syrup in the pump bottles and just put it in my Diet Coke
It taste great once you adjust the concentration of vanilla

I personally like a 710ml bottle with 2 1/2 pumps

I really like it and thought I would share in hopes I could make someone happy

Oh and weirdly enough I get my SF syrups at home sense they have tons of flavours
You could also order online or try to find a store in your city that sells them

Edit:apparently giant tiger used to carry SF syrup but my sister doesn’t know if they do still

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Nearly filled up a 11 qt bucket with vomit after b/p all day. Scared I might not wake up...
/u/throwawaytodayokc
Created: Sun Jun 10 03:14:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pzpcg/nearly_filled_up_a_11_qt_bucket_with_vomit_after/
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I'm sad and scared. I just finished a long b/p session and nearly filled up this 11 qt bucket. Granted, I used a lot of liquid to purge. But even taking that into consideration, that is like 16 lbs of vomit. I am never going to be well. And now I'm probably 115 lbs and that makes me want to die. But I don't want to die with vomit evidence on my clothes and with this bucket I can't empty until roommates are gone.


I feel defeated and just wanted to rant to people who won't see me as a monster. I love you all and thank you for reading.

---

🤔
/u/drunkcookie15
Created: Sun Jun 10 02:02:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pzfxg/_/
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https://i.redd.it/buzw54awr4311.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Drunk rant: this "fad" is the only one close to a healthy lifestyle
/u/PM_ME_YOUR_RIBS_
Created: Sun Jun 10 01:36:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pzcd9/drunk_rant_this_fad_is_the_only_one_close_to_a/
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I'm real drunk rn and I just though about this subreddit. Yall are actually supportive and not just trying to one up eachother like other diet subreddits.

America needs to majorly undereat compared to what it's been doing lately. People overeat and fall into a 4000 calorie diet with a sedentary lifestyle. The reason I bring that up is that it makes your ED's more normal. Over eating. Under eating. No one is really normal, eat to be what you want just stay active and live a happy life!

I hope this made at least a tiny bit of sense. I'm like 5 drinks and I had a great night with a girl I like and I'm hype. This community gives me a lot of confidence even though I'm a guy and my only ED is that I overeat.

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That vomit smell
/u/friedghosts
Created: Sun Jun 10 01:23:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pzan6/that_vomit_smell/
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It's not so much the toilet or bathroom that smells, as I almost obsessively clean it, particularly after each "session", but I feel like the vomit smell is actually on my person. I can feel it emanating from my mouth, maybe a bit in my hair sometimes if I'm not careful and, worse, the smell remains on my fingers strong enough to be concerning.

Does anyone know what can get rid of it or cover it very well? Of course the obvious answer would be don't purge and I'm working on it, but...

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[Discussion] DAE feel more comfortable eating around people who don’t know about your ED?
/u/habeas-corpses
Created: Sun Jun 10 01:21:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pzadx/dae_feel_more_comfortable_eating_around_people/
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I feel like people who know are constantly watching to see how much/what I eat, and that if I eat around them on a good day where I’m eating somewhat normally, they’ll think I’m faking.

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Therapy Experience
/u/cm1208
Created: Sun Jun 10 00:46:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pz5e3/therapy_experience/
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I went to an initial intake appointment with an eating disorder specialist. I was told that if I wanted to proceed with treatment (therapy, meds, dietician), I would have to not lose any more weight. Is this common? I really wanted help with depression and anxiety, to talk to someone and take some medication. I'm not underweight, or near it. 5'1, 117lbs. Trying to get to 100\-110lbs.

Is this like the normal thing for treatment?

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Exciting (and arbitrary) Milestones!
/u/Sleepy_Golden_Storm
Created: Sun Jun 10 00:45:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pz5a8/exciting_and_arbitrary_milestones/
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Some time ago a friend gave me a bracelet that was a bit too big and didn't fit very well with my general aesthetic™. I decided it would look pretty cool as an anklet, problem is that it was too small to fit around my leg. I figured I'd see if I could get it to work when I reached my GW. Anyway, I was kinda drunk last night and decided it would be a good idea to see how close I was to being able to close the bracelet around my ankle - and it fit! I couldn't believe it! I didn't think I was noticeably thinner, but I have to have lost close to an inch around my ankle to get that clasp closed. The whole thing got me thinking about how I constantly set these weird ass markers to document my progress and I was wondering what odd things you guys have that you consider goals or indicators of weight loss.

(Also sorry if this doesn't make much sense, it's two a.m. and I'm sleep deprived af)

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Guys I’m so fucked
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Sat Jun 9 23:45:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pywfi/guys_im_so_fucked/
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I’ve been bingeing like crazy, depressed as shit, and *just* got asked out by a guy I’ve liked forever.... a guy who probably doesn’t realize how fucking fat and gross I look ☺️ a guy who I am quite possibly bigger than....I have a week to hit my goal weight hahahaha fuck me

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[Discussion] Feeling invisible bc my ED isn’t as bad as my best friend’s
/u/peachpal95
Created: Sat Jun 9 23:37:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pyv5e/feeling_invisible_bc_my_ed_isnt_as_bad_as_my_best/
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I’ve been friends with some of the same girls since I was around 9 years old. In high school we were all very image and weight conscious, but so was everyone else. We didn’t think anything of it. I wasn’t fat to begin with, but I was definitely the heaviest of my friends at 5’8” and ~150lb. I developed my ED basically how I think all of us do in a sense..depressed. Repressed my problems and externalized them. Had no self worth and figured ok this is one thing I can feel good about and control. I’m going to become thin. I have nothing else to feel good about anymore so I’m at least going to finally like my body.

I really wanted to look like my friend “Jesse”. Jesse and I were both dancers and she was way thinner and a much better dancer than me. I dropped a lot of weight fast restricting and working out. I always wondered how Jesse did it. On spring break that year I found out Jesse was suffering from bulimia and anorexia. That was one of many wake up calls for me like “shit and I’ve been trying to be just like her. look at all the shit she’s actually in”. I didn’t recognize that I had an ED til a while later, but by that time I’d say I was kind of in recovery bc I had tried to stop obsessing over counting calories and restricting so much and working out so much. I knew I took it too far. I didn’t look good anymore. My ribs stuck out, my skin was bad, hair falling out...you know. So I’d been trying to take it easy.

After high school I kind of distanced myself from my childhood friends for a few years. During this time I realized I had an ED when I looked back on that period in high school after I learned about EDs. I’ve basically always been in recovery ever since that time in high school but I’ve had tough times and struggled to change my disordered behavior and my weight has fluctuated a lot. I actually have hypothyroid now and my metabolism is fucked and that might be due to my ED. Since my metabolism is slow and I have no energy now I’ve gained a lot of weight and it’s hard for me to lose it. I don’t “look like I have an ED”, my friends never really knew about mine or at least didn’t ever bring it up, they complimented me back then when I lost all the weight, and Jesse has had a harder time with her ED than me for sure.

Fast forward to now. I’m close with those friends again. Jesse basically never got better...she’s in recovery now and I guess she’s doing ok but she’s not super forthcoming about it and I understand. I just try to be there and be supportive in the best way I know how and call her on shit when it’s necessary. She’s been to Renfrew a few times and took a medical leave from grad school to go this past spring semester so she’s pretty newly in recovery. Whenever we talk about ED we basically always talk about her’s and it’s never even acknowledged that I have one, too.

It’s not like I’m in a crisis and I need them to talk to me about mine or I need support or I want some of the attention I give her or anything....it just feels kinda weird....it’s like I don’t even have one to anyone even though internally it’s such a huge part of my life and it’s still really hard for me sometimes especially lately bc I can’t seem to drop fucking weight using normal methods bc of my health issues. I’m basically ok and we never *really* know how Jesse’s doing, so I’m glad we are focusing on supporting her but it’s just so strange to me. It’s like Jesse just got her foot chopped off and I had a finger chopped off in 2013 and it healed over, so no one asks me about my fucking missing finger anymore, because Jesse is still bleeding out of where her foot used to be. If Jesse wasn’t so bottled up still about her ED it would be really nice to have her to talk to about mine bc she gets it and she’s been my best friend since 4th grade. I understand and I don’t blame her but it still feels weird to me and I feel sort of cast aside because my ED isn’t as bad as hers. Can anyone relate or does anyone have any advice?

TLDR; I’ve been in recovery for years but it’s still really hard for me sometimes especially recently bc I have hypothyroid and can’t seem to lose weight in the moderate healthy way anymore bc of my slow metabolism. My friend Jesse has been in active ED since high school and just got out of residential not long ago and is recovering now. It feels like my ED doesn’t exist to her or my other friends bc hers is worse than mine.

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They're going to hire someone smaller than me at work.
/u/mowmowmreow
Created: Sat Jun 9 23:24:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pyszp/theyre_going_to_hire_someone_smaller_than_me_at/
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I heard my boss talking with one of my coworkers about hiring her sister, and I'm really nervous. She's short and just naturally thin, like her waist can't be more than ~17 inches ( I may be skewing it in my head, but she is T H I N). Everytime she comes in to shop I wind up comparing myself to her and feeling huge. One of the things that makes me feel kind of ok is that I'm so much skinnier than all of my coworkers, and I'm afraid that once this girl gets hired I am going to wind up in a very bad place.

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dae lose enjoyment
/u/Zefuyne
Created: Sat Jun 9 23:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pypsp/dae_lose_enjoyment/
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suh

i kind of feel abandoned by food, it doesnt make me happy anymore, when im heavy restricting its just smth that happens. then i want more and binge but im never really happy the binge just feeds smth inside of me that wants that fuel of feeling unwanted, fat, and miserable. there's no stopping point of my binges like "that'll do, pig". anyone else?

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[Other] [Other] I only exercise when it's dark and I hate weekends for it
/u/pailblusea
Created: Sat Jun 9 22:56:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pyobe/other_i_only_exercise_when_its_dark_and_i_hate/
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On mobile, can't flair.

I wait until after 10 pm to 'workout' each day. Running and brisk walking for up to 3 hours spaced in 15-45 minute intervals until the sun comes up around 6 am. I am too embarrassed to do it in daylight and it's too hot anyway now. I can't do the gym. It's boring and there's people around. I hate weekend nights like tonight at my apartment complex.. all hours of the fucking night drunk assholes driving by and acting retarded, yelling out *I don't even know what* because the music blasts in my headphones to drown them out. I wish I was fucking invisible. I wish people minded their own business but at least I am not doing this in daylight. I can pretend I don't exist in this world.

Anyway, anyone know some good workout music? I an getting bored with what I do listen to.

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Uhh what’s up guys it’s me again and I’m still gaining
/u/delaneyjay
Created: Sat Jun 9 22:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pymrw/uhh_whats_up_guys_its_me_again_and_im_still/
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Up another 8 lbs ahahah launch me into the sun

I also gained another couple inches around my stomach and each of my thighs. Up 1% body fat.

What the fuck??

I’ve been counting my cals. Compulsively exercising. Been maintaining a huge deficit and yet I’m STILL G A I N I N G

like I’m this close away to just actually lighting myself on fire. I don’t know what to do. I’m torn between binging and fasting until I literally die. Help

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Feeling like I fucked up big time.
/u/imokayjustfine
Created: Sat Jun 9 22:25:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pyis8/feeling_like_i_fucked_up_big_time/
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My brain is telling me that I binged. And binging is something I understand, okay? Actual binging. I had binged myself up to serious obesity, more than once.

But tonight I'm realizing even more just how painfully distorted my perception has become.

I had 939 calories today. Still under 1,000. Still a huge ass deficit. So why do I literally feel like I used to after eating two fast food meals in one sitting, after already eating? Why?! I *know* it's not the same thing. I know it from experience, but here I am beating myself up anyway and feeling like a useless, weak piece of shit for consuming around 150 more kcals than I had planned to consume.

There's no point to this, really. Just needed to share. I think I'm going to fast tomorrow or at least do OMAD, so I'll have less opportunity to stray.

Just. God. Can anyone out there relate? I just feel like I really, really fucked up when it's not even that big of a difference...and I feel so ridiculous for feeling this way but still can't shake the feeling.

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oh my god
/u/Firerose157
Created: Sat Jun 9 22:24:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pyilr/oh_my_god/
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they're about to bbq. i've only had a bit of cream of chicken soup today (high calorie, fuck me ik), and wanted a pb&j to assure I wouldn't crave anything after dinner because sometimes restricting makes me feel bingey. I started making it then heard my name yelled from across the room. I look up to my bf asking in front of everyone why I am making something when we're about to eat. I say i'm making it for later in case I get hungry (true, appetite was gone at that point) - this is after I heard his family talking to him meaning they noticed me making food and asked him why. they told me "don't eat right now" because they're gonna bbq soon. his mom said i eat like a fucking cat. his cats swallow food whole, beg for more, and eat a shit ton in general. are you fucking kidding me. Im a fat cow I swear to god im a fatass, everyone knows it and thinks i eat too much i know it. Triggered so hard right now im going to fast, or high-restrict if they make me eat, and seriously considering purging for the first time but i dont fucking know how to right because im a failure at everything, even starving myself like today lol. i hate myself.

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[Discussion] DAE pretend to be full or stop eating when in public so you don’t look like a fat ass?
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Sat Jun 9 22:20:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pyhyj/dae_pretend_to_be_full_or_stop_eating_when_in/
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Currently with my bf, resisting the urge to finish all my food so I don’t look like the fatty I am. HE didn’t even finish his finish all his food.

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Restriction starts again tomorrow, and I'm doing it for real this time.
/u/GemRocking
Created: Sat Jun 9 22:19:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pyhsg/restriction_starts_again_tomorrow_and_im_doing_it/
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I've dabbled in brief periods of restriction (>900 kcal/day) and slightly longer periods of light restriction (>1,300 kcal/day), but I'm fucking addicted to food and I always end up in these habits of compulsive overeating. I teeter right on the edge of being overweight--my BMI is currently 24.4 and going up from there. ~~^fucking ^kill ^me ^now~~

Anyway, I just got back from vacation. I went all-out; I think I ate upwards 3,000 calories a day. I usually feel extremely guilty about my horrible eating habits, but this week I just felt sort of apathetic. Like, yeah, I know that I'm abusing myself, I know that I'm sabotaging my well-being, I know that I'm a disgusting fucking pig and that with a slight bit of effort I could change that--/shrugs/ *but I'm on vacation, might as well take the opportunity.* ***teH DIeT stARtS L8TERRR!!*** And I just sort of ignored that I made this same excuse over Christmas break half a year ago, and I never regained control.

(⌐■_■)ノ It's time, my dudes. When I see my crush in a few months, I won't be a fat, gross, pathetic, dessert-scarfing dyke.

I'm going to try to average my caloric intake every week so that I end up at ~800 kcal/day (not counting exercise.) It's going to be really hard to do without my family suspecting anything, but I'm taking a medication that decreases my appetite and I know how to go for volume. I plan on skipping breakfast or else having something >100 kcal; lunch and dinner are just whatever is lowest calorie. And whenever I have the opportunity to skip meals, I'm going to, so that if I have to eat over 800 kcal one day I can still even out my weekly average.

I don't want to get to an underweight BMI, but I want to be below 20. I hope that I can pull this off without becoming obsessive, and then *hopefully* learn how to eat more normally, without cyclical overeating. It'd suck to get down to a better weight and then gain it all back again thanks to the same shitty old habits. :/ So wish me luck, y'all.

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DAE pretend to stop to be full or stop eating so you don’t look a fat ass when in public?
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Sat Jun 9 22:17:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pyhdm/dae_pretend_to_stop_to_be_full_or_stop_eating_so/
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I’m currently out eating with my bf and am literally resisting the urge to finish all my food so I don’t look like the fatty I am.

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I pierced my tongue and I don't know if it was a good or a bad idea yet..
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed
Created: Sat Jun 9 22:00:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pyeax/i_pierced_my_tongue_and_i_dont_know_if_it_was_a/
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On mobile please flair as rant or rave..

I spontaneous got my tongue pierced two days ago now because I had wanted one for the longest time. I didn't know the repercussions that would follow this new addition to my body. Right now my tongue is so swollen I can barely eat and hardly speak. I am trying to avoid anything crunchy or that will get caught or corrode my jewelry. I am not going to purge cause I know the purging over an open sound will only hurt immensely. I am really besides myself. I can only have liquids for now. Today I had half of a small slurpee from 711 and a bunch of water. I know not purging and binging will be better. I pretty much need to learn to eat again with my new addition.


Willow.

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job interview triggering ed like crazy
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Sat Jun 9 21:25:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8py7au/job_interview_triggering_ed_like_crazy/
---
so i got called today and im suppose to go in for a interview on monday. the manager on the phone was extremely bitchy though and i know, that’s how the world works. but she was so condescending and i felt so overwhelmed and flustered. i finished the call and even though im happy i got a call back, im still super nervous and one thing that triggers my ED insanely is being around people. i can’t even be around my own family without getting overwhelmed because of my appearance so im 100000890x more nervous. this entire thing has been setting off so many triggers. i want to binge and then purge, i also want to starve myself and chug a sh*t ton of water until i feel nauseous. i honestly just want to cry and i feel so pathetic feeling this way and im trying to just focus on what i need to take care and answer during the interview but ughhhhhhdhdhdh Hhaha wow go me !!!!!! h e l p lol.

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Would you rather be a beautiful lie or an ugly truth?
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Sat Jun 9 21:23:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8py6xu/would_you_rather_be_a_beautiful_lie_or_an_ugly/
---

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[Rant/Rave] Can’t fucking stand the sound of chewing
/u/ilikepizza6665
Created: Sat Jun 9 20:56:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8py1sb/cant_fucking_stand_the_sound_of_chewing/
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It actually drives me fucking insane to the point where I have to remove myself or block my ears. Like legitimate mental pain and sometimes I start sweating. It gets worse when I’m restricting. Does this happen to anyone else?

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[Discussion] DAE only have body dysmorphia when they’re naked?
/u/gastrulablastopore
Created: Sat Jun 9 20:41:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pxytj/dae_only_have_body_dysmorphia_when_theyre_naked/
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Sorry if this is weird but I feel like it can’t just be me who has this. Like if I look at myself in the mirror with clothes I think “oh this person doesnt look THAT weird, they look about how I expect a person at my BMI to look like” but if I’m naked or even if I just lift my shirt up I look super big and the exact same as I did 20 lbs ago like wtf! I’m picturing me with clothes and me without clothes in my head rn and it really can’t be the same person hahaha kill me

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[Discussion] Anyone else watching the Sex and the City Marathon on E! and
/u/redditfan5353
Created: Sat Jun 9 20:37:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pxy2s/anyone_else_watching_the_sex_and_the_city/
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getting major thinspo from Carrie?? And kind of all of them. Especially since they’re like always naked haha damn they look good

---

Hard to "recover" when this entire country has an ED.
/u/bunnywithbpd
Created: Sat Jun 9 20:25:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pxvhu/hard_to_recover_when_this_entire_country_has_an_ed/
---
1. 70% of americans are overweight or obese. It's predicted it's going to grow to a whopping 75% by 2020. You know what that means? Whenever you go outside, only 1 out of 4 people will be in the normal BMI or below. That's fucking insane. It means the majority of these people aren't eating correctly, yet who gives a flying shit?? No one because it's "normal"...

2. Too many people talk about diets, losing weight, eating better, trying keto, trying IF, trying vegan for weight loss and they all BAIL out or talk about how guilty they are for cheating on their diet. At least I'm actually losing weight instead of failing over and over again!!! Their behavior is "normal" today where people constantly joke about "haha can't eat too much or this ice cream will go to my thighs!" then proceeds to eat ice cream. Yet my "sick ED brain" will say "don't eat that, that will make you fat." and I don't eat it. Is it "normal and healthy" to joke about feeling guilty over eating and then eat the fucking food?

3. It's completely normal to eat over 2,000 calories at a restaurant here. Take the cheesecake factory, their appetizers are 500-1500 calories, with an entree (1500-2000), a glass of wine (200) and a freaking CHEESECAKE for desert (1500 CALORIES AVERAGE). And take fast food restaurants, chipotle which seems "healthy" HOW IS IT NORMAL TO EAT A GIANT 1 LB BURRITO!?!? The tortilla itself is already 320 calories, pile on the rest and you get a 1200+ cal meal. Not to mention movie theaters with super size large refillable sodas and their XL popcorn. You are consuming 1500+ calories mindlessly eating while being absorbed in something else (the movie) Is that considered NORMAL and HEALTHY??

4. Too many facebook memes about non-sugary foods tasting bad. The LA croix meme of it tasting like garbage, first of all, it's not a soda, it's SPARKLING WATER. And it tastes like how sparkling water is supposed to taste. It doesn't have your usual FIFTY FUCKING GRAMS OF SUGAR in a fucking can of soda. Sorry you're not used to drinking anything but liquid fucking diabetes!!!

5. Binge-eating culture. Too many social media postings about binge-eating. Today I saw on facebook, "haha abs are nice but have you heard of MAC N CHEESE TACOS" or literally talking about binge-eating, failing their diet or having food videos of eating giant-sized cakes or meals at restaurants. So it's normal to joke about eating a box of cookies in 5 minutes but not normal to joke about the opposite end of the scale?

6. When people act like you're an extreme fitness-health plant based raw vegan when you mention you're on a diet or you ate a salad, then make fun of you for it. First of all...it should be normal to eat fucking vegetables??? And if I tell you I don't like meat that doesn't mean you can say, "Are you serious? You're not on a diet or something? Did you hear that guys? She doesn't like meat!" or when I only eat a pizza slice and they comment, "Wow, you only ate one? HOW DO YOU CONTROL YOURSELF??" Yes, I'm a fucking weirdo for not eating your 1500 meat lover meal or not binge-eating 3 fucking 200-calorie slices in 15 minutes. And oh yes, please act like I'm being a giant party pooper for eating a salad.

7. Friends and families trying to sabotage your diet if they're not on one. Personally speaking, they all asked me to go out to eat, begged for me to "try a bite, it won't hurt.", complain that "we can't do anything now since we can't go out to eat." Sorry your only method of hanging out with people is eating?? People just assume you're suffering because you refused to eat a bag of chips and try to "free you" from the evil, evil diet.

I mean I still binge eat, I hard restrict, I purge my food but at least I don't normalize it. And don't get me wrong, I view BED with just the same respect as other EDs (I have bounced around with binge-eating and bulimia myself). We actually recognize it's a mental disorder and it's a coping mechanism. We don't joke about it publicly, post on twitter "LUL just ate an entire pizza XD guess my diet will start tomorrow!" We know it's a disorder, not a normal behavior to make fun of or treat lightly.

//end rant

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I'm going to videotape myself whenever I eat.
/u/_comethrowawaywithme
Created: Sat Jun 9 19:20:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pxi41/im_going_to_videotape_myself_whenever_i_eat/
---
If I really see how disgusting I look while I'm eating, it will definitely put off my appetite and maybe even stop me in my tracks!

Watching people mukbang on YouTube has been making me queasy and I don't see how watching myself scarf down slop like a pig would be any less vomit-inducing. It will probably be way worse! :D

---

when half of you wants to spill your guts about your ed to everyone
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Sat Jun 9 19:18:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pxhqj/when_half_of_you_wants_to_spill_your_guts_about/
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but the other half of you knows that if you do, A, they may want you to stop losing weight and you're not at your ugw yet, and B theres a chance that they won't take it seriously because you don't look or act sick enough.


YOU KNOW

MY FAVORITE LATE NIGHT FEELING

anyone else wanna scream into the night with me? feel free to join incause I'm about to lose my voice

---

I think I made it out of my binge phase. It could have been worse.
/u/EllaSuaveterre
Created: Sat Jun 9 18:48:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pxb8j/i_think_i_made_it_out_of_my_binge_phase_it_could/
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I started out reaching my goal weight of 100 pounds and decided to maintain, but I found I couldn't. My birthday was a week-long celebration, and after that I just binged every day. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it, but I *tried* to stay at my TDEE. Often, I failed. On my birthday itself, I ate 2400 calories, the most I've ever eaten in a single 24-hour period. Usually, I went over by 200 or 300 calories a day, and even keeping to that was hard. My God, the cravings have been so intense and terrible and overwhelming that sometimes they have made me cry. I am utterly ashamed and disgusted at myself for wanting food as badly as I do. I am revolting.

Every new day I would tell myself, "Okay, THIS is the day I don't binge!" And every single godforsaken day the sugar cravings would come and I just. Could. Not. Fight. Them. This last week, I have polished off an ENTIRE bag of chocolate chips, tablespoon by tablespoon.

The only good news about all of this is that because I never stopped counting calories or weighing myself, I was able to somewhat control the damage. I've gone from 100 to 103.6 pounds over the last 2.5 months. Is that bad? Yes it is. Should I be ashamed of myself? Oh hell yes, I should. But it could have been so much worse.

Now, I think I'm finally out of the storm. I was able to restrict today to 800 calories. Finally. The cravings are manageable and tamable again. I don't know how to explain it, but I just *feel* capable of restricting and ignoring my cravings again. I just *sense* that I have the power to do it. And it'll take me 2 weeks of low-restricting to undo the damage, but it could have been worse.

---

[Help] Need some advice (half ED related)
/u/PhoneWalletSanity
Created: Sat Jun 9 18:48:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pxb75/need_some_advice_half_ed_related/
---
I would post to relationship advice and I've already talked to people I'm close to irl but I feel like you all resonate deeply with me.

So as I've been (somewhat constantly) mentioning, the guy I thought was my soulmate broke up with me because he thought our relationship was too obsessive and felt he needed to work on his mental health. I thought we could go back to being friends but then he started acting like I don't even exist every time we saw eachother at work and stopped replying to texts.

To prevent a really bad mental breakdown, Ive been focusing on improving myself lately by meditating (2 hours of which got me through a shift with him), pole dancing and examining my mental state through a curiousity based mentality.

And well... It's worked. I'm finally started to see myself for who I am and working through all the negative aspects in my life. Yes, I still have negative thoughts but now I'm able to just watch the flow instead of getting caught up in them.

But if anything, I want to be with him more than ever now. I'm finally not broken and it won't just be my mere precense comforting him all the time. And honestly, him ignoring me is making it hard to move on because he's practically forcing me to think about him more because he won't respond to what I say, but he'll respond to things people say to me (if that makes sense) and he actively looks grumpy or preoccupied when I'm around.

I guess what I'm asking is, what should I do, guys? Ignore him back? Try slowly getting to warm up to me again? Just wait it out? Another option? I'm not used to drama, I just innocently want him in my life. He called me Mother Nature and I called him Satan and it's strange for them not to be in cahoots anymore.

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Can you decrease resistance to ECA stacks if you take them off and on?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Sat Jun 9 18:12:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8px30t/can_you_decrease_resistance_to_eca_stacks_if_you/
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I'm growing resistant to them and it sucks. I'm thinking about using them for a month straight... then not taking them for a while to wait for it to 'reset'. Idk if it works like that

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[Other] Jaiden and Boyinaband - Empty. A new song depicting anorexia nervosa.
/u/ueno_stn_54
Created: Sat Jun 9 17:55:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pwz89/jaiden_and_boyinaband_empty_a_new_song_depicting/
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https://youtu.be/36QMyiRAv-Y

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aHhH???
/u/justirooni
Created: Sat Jun 9 17:51:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pwyaq/ahhh/
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HI hope everyone is doing well today!
so
i
was supposed 2 be fasting today but after waking up from a nap I decided to pour a mug of Cinnamon Toast Crunch with 2 percent milk. Ive mulling about it all day tho since the serving size was 170 cals with 130 from fat..is this bad news? really spooked about the possibility of gaining and just disappointed in myself for not being able to follow through with today’s game plan.

sorry to ramble I just needed to ask D:

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It's been a rough week and I just want someone to listen.
/u/ydboy
Created: Sat Jun 9 17:39:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pwvhj/its_been_a_rough_week_and_i_just_want_someone_to/
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You know that meme of the dog in the fire comic? He's just sitting in the fire with a smile on his face and the next frame he just says "this is fine." That's literally me as I finish off a whole bowl of instant ramen.

If you're introverted like me, you know what it's like to need to *recharge*. The end of this month and the entirety of June has been packed with schedules. And I should be happy because they're vacational with friends right? Well I'm not. I'm so drained. I just want to lock the door and not come out for a whole two months. I love my friends, I truly do... but my mental capacity is so small I can't think properly, and trying to keep up with friends has been so mentally and physically exhausting.

I just came back from a trip internationally and just a few days after a friend from the west coast came to visit. She'll be with me for two weeks. I'm absolutely fortunate that she's a close friend who has an extremely understanding nature to her personality so she understands if I need space, but in order to make sure her stay here is comfortable, I'm still sacrificing my social energy without saying anything.

And the thing that's been killing me the most is that before she had come I was restricting heavily. I have issues with bed cycles and then right after low restriction periods and the cycle of both would repeat which has kept me the same weight for like 7 months.

Not to mention... it's extremely triggering to watch her eat. She's dainty, and beautiful and everything I want to be. She ate quite a lot of food the first day she arrived and the next couple of days I kept thinking how she ate a lot for her size, then I had invasive thoughts of what if she was purging but I realized I was being overstressed over nothing and realized that's how much people eat to maintain their weight...

At first she kept asking me why I wasn't eating and then some weird switch went off and I'd been eating everything in sight. Majority of the plans we've made are food\-related and I want to stop but we can't go to a restaurant and have me stop eating... she'd be suspicious. So I'm just living every day binging food with a smile on my face even though I literally feel like burning alive.

And this food feels like it hasn't done me any good besides bloat me and give me 10 lbs of water weight. I'm still fucking exhausted.

I wanna cry thinking I have another week of this. I just want to be isolated and left alone until I can come out.. like a butterfly or some corny shit.

---

[Rant/Rave] how 2 stop rotten egg burps??? :(
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Sat Jun 9 17:30:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pwtjh/how_2_stop_rotten_egg_burps/
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I hate myself!!! I hid candy and donuts in my hoodie and I'm breaking out and I'm pretty sure people were staring at me. One guy looked amused, he was taller and buffer and I'm this skinnyfat asshole with a donut, and more I had to eat in a bathroom stall bc my friend was working. They were dry and gross but obviously I kept eating them bc what else would I do with them???

People talk about being ""naturally thin"" regardless of what they eat. NO. I got obese eating like this before. I don't want to be obese again so why am I doing this to myself??? I'm so scared, I keep binging and it's getting more frequent, I'm gonna get fat again and I can't do that.

I'm so scared I want to fast but I'm worried I won't be able to hide it from anyone, and I'm afraid if I just restrict more heavily than 1200-1500 I'll binge again.

The rotten egg burps are so strong rn I wanna die. Also: tfw u hit ur step goals bc u went to 3 different stores for binge foods looool

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Got to 110 gained 2 pounds in one day again
/u/sabadr
Created: Sat Jun 9 16:54:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pwlod/got_to_110_gained_2_pounds_in_one_day_again/
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It has put me on binge mood. Im afaird of binging again. I dont have a gag reflex im even afaraid of drinking water because i freakout when i see weight gain🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️. burned about 340 calories today but my app says ive burned 1640 calories today:((. Is that even correct?? I mean just being neet burnes 1500 calories should i add the exercise calories on top of that?

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Going to break my b/p cycle
/u/tobethinspo
Created: Sat Jun 9 16:46:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pwjtg/going_to_break_my_bp_cycle/
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Saw another post about relapsing into the b/p cycle and got inspired. I relapsed back in January after several months of next to no purging.

Ever since then I've been making excuses. I know how to do this.
- Keep myself busy and distract from the urge
- Make pros & cons lists
- Plan my food out the day before
- NOT RESTRICT. I will lose weight at 1500. I will not balloon if I go over by 100 kcal twice a week. If I low restrict I will binge and then start the cycle again

LET'S DO THIS

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[Other] Twitter?
/u/lwruk
Created: Sat Jun 9 16:42:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pwix0/twitter/
---
has anyone on here got a Twitter or one they could recommend for eds?

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Anyone else fuck up their day?
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Sat Jun 9 16:40:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pwij7/anyone_else_fuck_up_their_day/
---
So I thought I was doing fine, this morning I had some fruit for breakfast, but I was still hungry. I couldn't resist just one tortilla chip so I allowed myself that. Well soon after I had a few more before deciding fuck it and binged.

Since that happened I don't think there's any point to restrict anymore today so I'm probably just gonna go full out and eat whatever.

Does this happen to anyone else?

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[Rant/Rave] dae have trouble dating?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Sat Jun 9 16:18:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pwdbh/dae_have_trouble_dating/
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I feel like I’m too fat to be in a relationship and not be crazy insecure, paranoid, and annoyingly clingy that whole time. Like in the back of my mind I will always believe my bf will abandon me for a thinner girl if the opportunity comes which leads to so much mistrust. And what if in the first place my bf is settling for me until someone better comes along. I legit can’t be with anyone until I lose 30 more pounds and get my shit together

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[Rant/Rave] "Have you lost weight?"
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Sat Jun 9 15:58:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pw8ny/have_you_lost_weight/
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https://i.redd.it/7v0x2a10s1311.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Work is Triggering Me (TW)
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sat Jun 9 15:56:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pw8dg/work_is_triggering_me_tw/
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Hello, restaurant hostess here. I've noticed lately that as my ED gets worse and the more weight I lose, I find more and more things to be triggering to me. Sometimes they fuel my restriction, sometimes they make me want to binge. Just wanted to share this with you all, as this is the only place I feel understood/accepted.

The restaurant I work at serves Kurdish food, and pita bread is given on the side. Every time I notice customers dipping and wiping the bread into HEAVY CREAM-BASED SAUCES until their plate is literally clean, I restrict that much more. When I notice people order dessert, I am triggered as well. I watch customers eat and try to calculate in my head how many calories they're consuming. I get anxiety when people order appetizers, entrees, AND dessert in one sitting.

My coworkers can also be triggering. A lot of them eat at work multiple times a day. The calories they must be consuming blows my mind.

None of this is to be taken as hateful or me being mean, I just needed somewhere to share my feelings. Thanks for listening.

---

My ED seems in control
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Sat Jun 9 15:29:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pw22b/my_ed_seems_in_control/
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It seems like my ED took all control of me. It isn’t even about my weight anymore, it’s about keeping my ED happy by doing exactly what it wants. It has full control over me and my eating habits and it scares me. One day it decides to starve and the next it decides to eat as much as possible and manages to feel bad afterwards. It makes me purge if I ate too much (although I can keep myself from doing that very often so it only happens about twice a month). It shames me for the food I eat, whether it’s the first thing I eat in 2 days or the fifth bar of chocolate I eat in an hour. It tells me when to eat and when not to and makes me feel bad if I listen and if I don’t. Sometimes it goes away for a few days so I can enjoy food for once. But it always comes back, and when it does, it makes me feel horrible for eating normally for once. I hate it, I tell it to go away, but it just won’t listen, no matter how hard I try. I’m scared it’s gonna be with me forever.

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[Other] Just a reminder that we can’t look perfect from all angles, we’re still only human ❤️ (not mine, saw it was a new meme format on another subreddit but instantly thought it belonged here)
/u/CassTheUltimateBA
Created: Sat Jun 9 15:24:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pw0ts/just_a_reminder_that_we_cant_look_perfect_from/
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https://m.imgur.com/a/N7MT530

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[Other] What’s your worst binge?
/u/nchlaz
Created: Sat Jun 9 15:11:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pvxmp/whats_your_worst_binge/
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Lol I started binging this month after like 5 years of restriction so it’s been like 10,000 calories a day everyday for awhile. Terrifying and disgusting. It’s a lot of granola-y cereal with chocolate chips I mix in, peanut butter, and pringles. Trail mix too. Food doesn’t even taste good anymore lol. Hbu guys

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I told myself I could eat normally today...
/u/yrama19
Created: Sat Jun 9 14:54:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pvtgh/i_told_myself_i_could_eat_normally_today/
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I have a week ahead of stressful exams. I’ve been eating 300-400 all week. I’m the lowest I’ve ever been (still no where near y’all) and I have a proper knees touching thigh gap at last.

I told myself I need the nutrients to study effectively. So I told myself I’d loosen the reigns of restriction and shut off my ED brain for the next week to focus on exams. I bought safe low cal foods to make it easier. But once I started I couldn’t stop. It became a trance like feast of anything I could get my hands on. And instead of getting a good days study in I spent the whole day eating and then purged 3 times.

FUCK EATING DISORDERS

---

Does anyone else hate malls?
/u/nihilistatari
Created: Sat Jun 9 14:44:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pvr5z/does_anyone_else_hate_malls/
---
The constant mirrors, the skinny people constantly passing you, the restaurants, the tiny, tiny clothing, even for me, a male.
It's torture.
I'm on 'vacation', so I can't even fast without being screamed at, and, I am being forced to wear a shirt that makes me look even more obese than I already think I look because my dad forced me to take off the one shirt I like because 'people are judging you'. Seriously? On vacation in a state I haven't been to since I was 6 and probably will never come back to? Gah.

---

[Discussion] Small (big) Achievement for me
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Sat Jun 9 14:17:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pvkgp/small_big_achievement_for_me/
---
So we (our dance team) had its season kickoff today and it was just marching/dancing in a parade but anywaysss during stretches, warm ups, and the actual dances, I realized something. I realized I was not the biggest girl on the team. I had my insecurities before joining because I had seen them preform and they always looked so thin and flawless so I was surprised when I got accepted at tryouts. But just being there with them and observing everyone made me realize that my body is not all that bad! I still have a waaaays to go before I get to my gw but it’s really nice to see that my teammates are just has imperfect as I am. I saw cellulite, stretch marks, and some chub but our team is beautiful! I’ve always felt like a big girl but I don’t when I’m with them. It seems dumb now and not that big, but to me it is.

Also I hope you all have a great weekend! You’re all beautiful and you can do anything you put your mind to. I love you guys

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[Help] [Help] any tips for not binging after a fast?
/u/sepibad
Created: Sat Jun 9 13:55:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pverf/help_any_tips_for_not_binging_after_a_fast/
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just liquid fasted for a few days and was craving food soooo badly so i ate.

and ate.

and ate.

and now my stomach is hurting like hell because of how much food i ate.

does anyone have tips for not binging like a fool after breaking a fast? much appreciation!!

---

I'm back and depressed
/u/catbernetsauv
Created: Sat Jun 9 11:57:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8puk6n/im_back_and_depressed/
---
I started to eat in general again last November-ish. Also started to eat out at least once a week. Taco Bell, Jack in the Box, McDonald's, Sonic. I was incredibly stressed out so drinking wine every single day became a habit. Y'all. I have gained 20 pounds. Twenty effing pounds. I've been depressed since January and that only makes things worse.

I've decided to take control again. I stopped drinking 6 days ago after drinking almost every day since October. I stopped eating yesterday after looking at myself in the mirror and being *disgusted*. I just want to be happy.

Stress is a bitch.

---

What’s everyone’s end game?
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Sat Jun 9 11:54:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pujm4/whats_everyones_end_game/
---
Originally (pre-full fledged ED), it was to lose weight. I genuinely needed to, I was obese. I thought I’d be happy at 150, well that was a joke, bc I was still fat looking at 150. Since then, it’s been to be thin. But even at my current weight and BMI, I feel huge.

Now it’s started to shift to having a BMI of 18.5, but what then? I’ve tried to tell myself I can give up disordered eating whenever I want, but it’s obvious I can’t. I can’t fathom eating “intuitively” or ever being happy with my body or weight. There’s also a control component to all of this that I can’t give up.

What’s everyone else’s end game and how has it changed?

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Will anything bad happen when I go back to heavy restricting and eating normal from keto (which I'm doing now)?
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Sat Jun 9 11:32:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pudyw/will_anything_bad_happen_when_i_go_back_to_heavy/
---
I was reading on the subreddit and I came across someone who said this a while ago:

"Wait. It takes a number of years for all the cells in your body to replace themselves. The cells that grow while on the ketogenic diet will hopefully be more insulin sensitive than your old cells, and over time your homeostatic weight may drop."

I don't know if a lot of things on that subreddit are scientifically factual. The fruit hating for example (besides dessert) sounds crazy to me because some of the most healthy populations eat a lot of fruit. Anyway. I've seen questionable things there.

But that comment scared me. My plan was to get down to my ugw with keto and then switch over to very low calorie regular restricting because who doesn't want to eat vegetables and fruits ever again in a normal amount? I am scared that once I "switch" in less than a year that my body will put on tons of weight because of the new "keto cells" and even though I'll be eating way under my TDEE that I'll gain? Or if I eat "normal" even will I gain?

Does that comment sound strange to anyone else? I have never heard that from a scientific study. Just how people perpetuate the "starvation myth" and the myth that anorexics permanently damage their metabolism (I think there's been studies that say it returns to normal)

Am I being paranoid? Does this sound pseudoscience-y to anyone else?

---

Does chew and spit work?
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Sat Jun 9 10:40:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pu0g3/does_chew_and_spit_work/
---
I binged on tortilla chips of all things today and am pissed at myself, so I started to wonder if the whole chew and spit thing would be satisfying enough to ward off my cravings.

Does it work? I'm wondering if just chewing would be enough without swallowing. Is it just for the taste?

---

Being pear shaped is so unrewarding..
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Sat Jun 9 10:17:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ptuq1/being_pear_shaped_is_so_unrewarding/
---
Somebody at 5'0 can be the same weight as me and still have slimmer legs than I do. My ass used to be great a while back, but now I have no ass and fat legs. It's like *anorexia as a pear shaped person: the worst of both worlds*.

HOW can my legs be this fat when I'm factually underweight?? HOW? How does that work? Why the fuck? It sucks so much, it just fuels my body dysmorphia and self hatred.

I don't want this body anymore. Somebody up for trading?

---

Ugh, I feel like such a mess.
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf
Created: Sat Jun 9 09:54:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ptp53/ugh_i_feel_like_such_a_mess/
---
So I got down to 108.2lbs last Saturday morning and tgen everything fell apart.


Ny bff-brother-from-another-mother has cystic fibrosis so he goes to the hospital for a "tune-up" like once a year or so. It sucks but it's usually not a big deal. He had been in for about a week and a half and was getting worse and worse. I moved away from our home state a year ago, so Sunday I drove 750mi to be with him and his family. He was in a medically induced coma on life support. I spent 8-9hrs/day Mon-Wed at the hospital, then had to drive 750mi home on Thursday. I had to work all day yesterday, but got the news that he's miraculously improved and is awake and off life support around 2pm. Y'all... I thought I was never going to see him awake and alive again. I had been so numb, but all the emotion from the week hit me at once and I just sat at my desk sobbing. For the rest of the day, I couldn't get the muscles in my shoulders and back to relax. I just felt so awful and uncomfortable. I finally got home around 7pm and took some codeine and a fuckton of valerian and had a beer. (RIP my liver.) It didn't get better until my fiance gave me a massage - he said I'm full of knots. I'm back at work for an early and long day today, then finally have a day off tomorrow.


**TL/DR: Emotionally/physically exhausting week**



My point is... ughhhhh my eating has been so all over the place. I normally eat 4-6 small meals throughout the day, but over the last week I have had like 6 or 7 HUGE meals and then nothing because I feel gross. I'm back home and still in this cycle. I was SO scared to weigh myself but I did it anyway and miraculously I'm only 112! And it wasn't even first thing this morning! I still feel gross and out of sorts so I think I'll do a 24hr fast as a reset.


Idk what this post is for besides complaining about how utterly exhausted I am and ranting about how gross I feel when I'm not in control of my eating. Love you guys, hope you have a good weekend!

---

I'm eating tortilla chips right now :)
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Sat Jun 9 09:49:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ptnx3/im_eating_tortilla_chips_right_now/
---
I'm going to hate myself later.

---

[Help] How to prevent yourself from eating while high?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Sat Jun 9 09:42:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ptm91/how_to_prevent_yourself_from_eating_while_high/
---
Me and my boyfriend are planning on smoking later and having a chilled evening in. Ghibli movies, Street Fighter, cuddles. Sounds pretty great to me, except currently I’m compensating for a period of overeating which resulted from coursework stress + my mum staying with me, so I’m on about 150 calories a day at the moment. I know that I’m prone to eating when I’m high, and because weed quiets my ED related anxiety, I just don’t have the same willpower.

Any tips or tricks to prevent eating while high which people have successfully used?

---

Myers Briggs personality types and ED types; me vs my sister
/u/am_i_the_grasshole
Created: Sat Jun 9 09:24:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pti1g/myers_briggs_personality_types_and_ed_types_me_vs/
---
Both of us have had these sorts of issues for a while now, but it's interesting to see how differently it manifests. It perfectly mirrors the way we are with things in general.

She is an ENFP. She is impulsive, emotion driven, needs to be around people all the time, reckless. She really struggles with depression and OCD, is extremely open about her mental health/drug use issues almost to the point of fetishizing them somewhat. I constantly worry about her well being and try to do everything within my power (which is very little) to keep her emotionally stable. Everyone knows she has an eating disorder because she is very open about that as well.

Her ED manifests basically how you'd imagine for a person like that. She goes through waves of binge eating and drinking and waves of eating nothing at all. Someone might buy a big bowl of chocolates for a party, and she'll just eat the entire thing before anyone's noticed and then spend the rest of the afternoon trying to sleep to prevent herself from eating anything else for the rest of the day.

I am an INTP. So I am more logic based than emotional, kinda spacey, prefers to be alone, the polar opposite of impulsive I think everything through for so long I get bored of the topic at hand and forget to make an actual decision.

I spent most of my life pretty unaware of my body, I barely thought of it at all. Then a few things happened all at the same time that I think triggered me into this. 1: my sister went through her first really bad bought with anorexia and got down to like bmi 15 or so, and as much as I felt upset/scared for her I also felt competitive/gross looking next to her. 2: I went from being a pretty successful college student who often felt like the smartest person in the room to being a phd student at one of the top universities in the US which initially felt fantastic, but gradually flipped when I realized being around that group made me no longer one of the smartest people in my social circle but actually one of the dumbest. And 3: I met my fiance who is fairly underweight due to being a picky eater and just not that interested in food, and for the first couple months having sex with him made me feel disgusting.

I lean more to the orthorexic side. I am very much a hypochondriac and I take pleasure in writing down the things I eat each day before I eat them and trying to hold to it. Holding to it and clean eating makes me feel accomplished. I don't really skip meals I just eat very small portions and I like cooking and making very low calorie but healthy/substantial looking stuff like curried cauliflower.

My main ED drive is needing something to give me the sensation of superiority over other people, because without that feeling I'll probably lose my shit. I get a kick just out of healthy restriction because it gives me that accomplished superiority feel. The only reason I even think I might have an ED is because I think about this stuff very frequently and obsessively, but otherwise no one even knows or suspects me really. I lost weight so gradually, only a handful of people noticed.

Her main ED drive is getting rid of the intense sensation of feeling disgusting in any way that feels immediate. She can only get a kick out of total restriction, self harm, or dopamine hits like sugar or drugs to feel her desired form of resolution.

The difference in severity between her and me, is not due to our personality types but due to her other mental health struggles. But I do think, the difference in behavior type is due to our personalities.

Like I think if someone with my personality was at her level of severity, they would probably be the type to obsess over numbers and planning, to exercise to the point of physical damage, probably still self harm but I think they'd be less likely to binge eat.

If someone with her personality type was at a lighter severity level they'd probably still go through waves of binging and restricting but with waves of normalcy in there as well, and still without the planning and emphasis on healthy cooking.

---

I got some bad news for you all... (x-post /r/iamverysmart)
/u/PM_ME_YOUR_RIBS_
Created: Sat Jun 9 08:04:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pszja/i_got_some_bad_news_for_you_all_xpost/
---
https://i.redd.it/e3jsvjdlfz211.jpg

---

A drink made of Jesus' tears and unicorn sweat....
/u/MorningSeemsInsane
Created: Sat Jun 9 08:04:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pszdh/a_drink_made_of_jesus_tears_and_unicorn_sweat/
---
https://imgur.com/2vcsaTl

---

[Discussion] Anyone else here care more about not losing their boobs than being skinny?
/u/madeinny88
Created: Sat Jun 9 07:26:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8psrrh/anyone_else_here_care_more_about_not_losing_their/
---
I was so happy when my weight dropped to 120 but now I find myself wanting to stay at 122 because it seems if I drop lower than this, my boobs become completely flat and it makes me feel unattractive and insecure.

It's hard to fight that compulsion to keep losing and losing more weight, now that I've finally figured out how... but i guess staying this weight is my compromise with the world and my husband in particular. If I lose any more weight he won't be happy/ will be way less attracted to me, but if I gain even a pound, I won't be happy until it's lost again.

Obsession. It's so fucked! Oh well though

---

[Other] I'm not going to purge today
/u/liquid_nitrogenn
Created: Sat Jun 9 06:56:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8psm2d/im_not_going_to_purge_today/
---
This past week I've had a huge lapse with b/p and mainly just purging in general. (purging 2520 calories of chocolate chip cookies yesterday and 1520 calories of coconut almond fudge ice cream on Tuesday; purging the odd protein bar or handful of carrots most other days of the week - it's just been a mess, normally it's just 1x/week). This morning I found where my dad keeps his family sized box of Cocoa Puffs, and cereal is the food that triggers the worst binges and purges for me (hence why my dad keeps it hidden). I was so tempted to jump on the opportunity and just eat the whole thing, but instead, I called my mom (who was at the gym), told her what was going on and how I was feeling the urge to b/p, and she's on the way home right now to come and move the cereal somewhere else.

I'm determined to break this purging cycle. I'm gonna make today a positive day.

I'm planning to drive out to visit my tree, draw and journal about my thoughts, grab a nourishing meal at Cava, and take some deep breaths. I'm going to study for my exams, buy some art supplies at A.C. Moore, play cards with my mom, go shopping for some cute bralettes, and crochet little stuffed animals.

I don't need to make myself throw up today to deal with the stress of graduation, exams, work, and the anxiety of family coming to visit. I can cope in healthy ways. I can do this.

---

'Stupid Questions' Saturday! June 09, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 9 06:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pse38/stupid_questions_saturday_june_09_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for June 09, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 09, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 9 06:11:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pse2n/daily_food_diary_june_09_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 09, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm fighting a hard fight against food addiction and BED
/u/AnxiousShallot
Created: Sat Jun 9 04:28:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8prxxu/im_fighting_a_hard_fight_against_food_addiction/
---
Yeah, BED exists and let me tell you its hell. Due to my bpd and depression I've adapted food as my only source of emotional warmth and I pretty much ate all day every day. My mom had to personally intervene and put my fat ass on a diet because it was getting too severe so I'm back to heavily restricting to 800 cals a day. For some of you this may not seem like a small number but I ate about 3000 cals a day so for me it is lol.

The thing is nobody takes us seriously. The mainstream media romanticizes anorexia because their image of a thin pretty sad girl looking wistfully at a cupcake is beautiful to them. Now I know this is total bullshit and shows how normies fetishize mental illnesses. But when it comes to binge eating disorder its either silence or everyone is like 'so what fatty just stop eating lmao fat logic bed is not real haha' and it does annoy me. Coupled with my other 'unacceptable' mental illness (bpd) I'm basically fucked when it comes to getting just a little symphathy from anyone.

People hate fat people. Men hate fat people so scathingly. To them we are nothing but gluttonous pigs too dumb and too lazy to put the fork down but you never know why that person is fat. You don't just get mordibly obese from just liking food. Thats why everyone in My 600lbs Life has a history of abuse and neglect.

I'm just rambling now I guess but I just wanted to vent some frustration about how hellish bed is like and how nobody even attempts to listen or understand because you're fat and fat people don't matter, right?

---

[Help] Has anyone taken ECA stacks to get through the first few days of a fast?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Sat Jun 9 04:11:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8prvg6/has_anyone_taken_eca_stacks_to_get_through_the/
---
I’ve never fasted over 48 hours before because no self control but I really need to do it. I heard that you stop feeling hungry after a while, so my plan is to ECA stack for like 3 days until that point so I don’t feel hunger at all. Good plan?

---

Help with purging?
/u/jessofthejungle
Created: Sat Jun 9 03:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8prrxg/help_with_purging/
---
I've tried purging in the past (sticking a toothbrush or fingers down my throat, eating gross foods, taking meds to make me puke, etc.) and no matter what I do, I can't seem to get myself to purge. I'm fasting and counting calories, and I'm fighting the good fight as far as the mental game goes, but not being able to purge is really taking a toll on my daily calorie count. Adding purging back into my game will really help, but I'm struggling to get my body to cooperate. Any advice for a tricky purger?

---

Clothes
/u/sad_skelly
Created: Sat Jun 9 03:44:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8prrka/clothes/
---
I'm in desperate need of some fashion advice and fashion tips.

What do y'all wear when you're feeling like a beached whale and just can't deal with people looking at your body especially when it's hot outside and everyone is in tee shirts and shorts?

---

don't want to be pretty, just want to be average
/u/tr4umfrau
Created: Sat Jun 9 03:42:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8prr8d/dont_want_to_be_pretty_just_want_to_be_average/
---
that seems difficult to understand for people without an ED. everyone who knows irl always tells me that i shouldn't try to impress others and that i'm being vain but thats not it. i was bullied from 4th grade til i dropped out in high school bc of my weight and all I wanted was to be left alone. i want to be completely average & unnoticeable. i hate being called vain for wanting to be in public without being harassed constantly

---

Favorite purging foods
/u/oceanbreeez
Created: Sat Jun 9 01:35:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pr8z2/favorite_purging_foods/
---
I recently discovered that Chinese takeout is so easy to purge with the rice and grease. It’s so satisfying to purge and actually feel like I emptied my stomach. What are your favorite purging foods?

---

I accidentally gave myself gastritis or something
/u/rosycactus
Created: Sat Jun 9 01:27:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pr7t2/i_accidentally_gave_myself_gastritis_or_something/
---
So I found those mythical Shirataki zero noodles today. I had them with broccoli, but put wayyy too much sriracha and red pepper flakes (appetizing, yeah) I think my taste buds are f'ed up since I always add so many spices and don't always taste much of them.

Anyway, I was in agony for like 5 hours and still feeling it. Burning pain. I wonder if it was the spiciness or if the noodles also upset my stomach. Anyone else had this happen?

---

[Rant/Rave] I just figured something about my binges...
/u/kein0815
Created: Sat Jun 9 01:11:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pr5eb/i_just_figured_something_about_my_binges/
---
... and how they appear in other parts of my life that aren’t food related. (I guess most of this is also because BPD and stuff but whatever)


So my main problem is that I can’t have food around without eating it. So no matter whether I buy groceries for 5€ or for 25€ it’ll all be gone within the next 36h.


And I noticed similar patterns in different parts of my life as well:
- skincare: I recently bought 3 masks and used them all within a day
- clothes: whenever I buy something new I have to immediately wear it
- work: when there’s an interesting/ new problem I immediately have to know everything about it
- TV shows: every time there’s a new season/ new show (and it’s not being hyped) I have to watch it. Preferably be one of the first ones to do so.


I don’t know what to do with this information but maybe if I start getting the other impulses under control I might be able to work on my binging problem (which is the biggest of them all because it affects my health and my wallet most). Do you have similar experiences? Or do you “only” struggle with food?

---

Could the ECA stack cause permanent heart problems?
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Sat Jun 9 01:09:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pr52o/could_the_eca_stack_cause_permanent_heart_problems/
---
So on my first day of taking the ECA stack I was fine. Then the second day I took two and I felt sharp pain on the left side of my chest inside. I had heart attack symptoms that night.

Now my resting heart rate is 92. Bending up from a lying down position makes my heart race to 116-120. If I move too much I get sharp pains again. My heart has reached 180bpm by just walking and it’s scary. I stopped taking the ECA stack after that second time I took it.

---

Um so I maybe just impulsively tried to recover
/u/tinyfleabite
Created: Sat Jun 9 00:02:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pquqd/um_so_i_maybe_just_impulsively_tried_to_recover/
---
Oh god I'm so sorry for the post. I've been watching JaidenAnimations and Boyinaband's song Empty on repeat and I guess it's just hammered it into me that I'm just really sick of this. I'm sick of logging everything I eat, of being underweight but not sick enough to recover but I'll never be sick enough and yes I still have my period and I don't look skinny but I don't want to do this anymore and I'm not in control; I'm not in control of my diet; my diet's in control of me and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of counting calories of binging and purging of having yellow teeth and skipping lunch and turning away from my friends and telling my family I'm not going out with them anymore. I'm sick. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm probably not going to recover and I'll come running right back but goddamit I don't want to go through this anymore.

Thank you guys so much for being there for me through maybe the past year? I don't know. This community is so bloody awesome and it's helped me through so much and honestly I just hope that all of you guys are able to find happiness and be at peace with yourself, whatever you interpret that to be. I can't thank you enough for being there for me through all of this.

---

New here and figuring it out
/u/Butterflikissed
Created: Fri Jun 8 23:43:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pqru9/new_here_and_figuring_it_out/
---
Hi! I've never actually been diagnosed with an eating disorder but my senior year in high school i severely limited my food intake and lost a bunch of weight. I went from 125 to 98 pounds in about 3 months. My goal was 85 pounds. I stopped at 98 because i almost fainted in the school courtyard and knew landing on those bricks would get me caught. It was a shock back to reality moment for me and i slowly started building myself back up to normal meals. No one knew what was going at the time. I was also self harming with eraser burns on my fingers at this time.

It's been almost 7 years since my low and i still restrict food when my weight gets above 122 pounds. I usually stop when it drops to 115 ish. My current goal 110 with a secondary goal of 104 Which would put my bmi at underweight instead of normal. Which i know doesn't seem like a lot. I love seeing my ribs and hips stick out. When i suck in my stomach i can wrap my hands around my tummy and touchthumb to thumb and middle finger to middle finger.

I guess I'm here to see other inside perspectives and get some tips on possible alternatives. I hate exercising as it makes me feel weak and out of breath for a long time. I hate purging and have only done it once. I do occasionally binge slightly and usually restrict for the following few days to make up for it.

---

[Rant/Rave] Basically haven’t stopped bingeing for like a month
/u/meineschatzi
Created: Fri Jun 8 23:35:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pqqht/basically_havent_stopped_bingeing_for_like_a_month/
---
I don’t know what to do, I can’t stop.

I’ve started cutting myself again, managed to finally purge successfully which I swore I’d never do. I didn’t want to fall down that rabbit hole, and I didn’t even bring up enough for it to fix anything, just enough to feel like I punished myself for being a fat pig.

My weight was dropping steadily, now I’ve gone up so much in such a short period of time and I’m so ashamed. Everyone here talks about three days of bingeing. I’m talking every day probably for the last month. It’s gonna take me forever to get back where I was, I just can’t restrict anymore. And I’ve even tried just eating ‘normally’ but I always end up overeating.

I can’t do this anymore. It’s two months til my health insurance covers me for inpatient, and speaking to the nurse she was saying they could help me. But two months. I don’t know if I can hold out two more months. I can’t take it. I’m barely even functioning at work.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel like a failure. I haven’t had a no-binge day in so long and I feel like I’m the only person like this even though I know that’s probably not true.

---

[Help] Ravioli. Sorry if im posting too much RN.
/u/BronArianwyn
Created: Fri Jun 8 23:12:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pqmo1/ravioli_sorry_if_im_posting_too_much_rn/
---
I left out a bag of fancy oraganic hippie squash raviolis. a safe food...one i was looking forward to.

the MOMENT i noticed after they had been left out all day I immediately was into over drive like "WELL I WAS PECKISH ANYWAY TIME TO EAT THIS ENTIRE BAG RIGHT FUCKING NOW FUCK IT." but had a funny thought like, "oh why dont i text this funny moment to my boyfriend lolol and seek advice before i fall into a cycle again.?"

He said not to eat them, because fuck it, its just ravioli.

He doesnt get it.

SAFE.

FOOD. MUST. EAT. SAFE. WHY HAVE I DONE THIS.

so now im sitting here with a bowl of delicious pastas staring at me and CRYING over being a huge fucking weirdo and debating if im gonna try and eat the whole thing before he gets home and just hide the evidence. lol fml sorry its been a rough week. I'm hungry.

---

[Rant/Rave] “You’re a skinny legend!”
/u/Foremergenciesonly
Created: Fri Jun 8 22:30:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pqf7x/youre_a_skinny_legend/
---
Many people feel the need to tell me I’m thin. It’s something I should be happy about, but it’s actually really triggering because I’m not. I’ve been eating like a pig during the month of Ramadan (my family are Muslims and therefore I need to pretend to fast as well, however I just drink water secretly)

And because of my binge eating, I’m back to my start weight of 140. (I’m 5’7) embarrassing. Anyways, random people would say I’m a skinny boy, I’m a skinny legend, etc. instead of making me feel better about myself, it’s making me relapse because I feel like a fake since I’m back at my start weight. It makes me feel even more disgusted over my body and sometimes I actually gag when I think about how revolting I look. I want to go back to restricting and working out and I plan on losing the weight again when I resume my gym membership after Ramadan ends. I feel fake because I’ve been eating like shit and I’m not even fucking thin. I hate myself.

Does this happen to anyone else?

---

LPT: MyFitnessPal Premium on iPhones
/u/unable_to_give_afuck
Created: Fri Jun 8 22:14:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pqc1v/lpt_myfitnesspal_premium_on_iphones/
---
You can subscribe to the free month of MFP premium, and then go to Settings > iTunes & App Store > Apple ID > view Apple ID > subscriptions / and immediately unsubscribe. You still get the free month and you don’t have to worry about them charging you when you forget when the month is up.

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[Rant/Rave] I'm sick of other people telling me what to do with my body
/u/mu514
Created: Fri Jun 8 21:53:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pq80z/im_sick_of_other_people_telling_me_what_to_do/
---
Let me start off by saying that I'm not even underweight. Just 2 lbs over the boundary, but I'm still not underweight.

My family keeps trying to dictate to me how much I should weigh. That I should gain 5 kg or so (11 lbs). It's been like this since I was an athlete in high school, when I was 5'2" 94 lbs in the best fucking shape I'd ever been. But my parents at the time kept telling me I was too light, I was too light, and encouraged me to eat until eventually I ballooned up to 141 lbs.

I'm at 5'3" 107 lbs now (a long process back down), and they say "Oh, you'd be best at about 54 kg (119 lbs)." They encourage me to eat and eat so fucking much, saying that I just need more muscle. Wtf? I'm not a weightlifter who might put that muscle to good use! And I don't naturally default to that weight either! I'm a runner and a swimmer! Eating more makes me sluggish and oily and sick and slows my performance!

They tell me I'm too light, that I need to gain weight. For what? Health? When I eat like a normal person at my current size, I'm pretty fucking healthy!

Like, how about letting me be? I'm short with a small frame! Since childhood, I've always been small! As an athlete, I ran my best at a lighter weight! I competed best in lower weight classes! I have no need to lift heavy. My aim is not to put on much more muscle, so why should I change myself for anyone else??

I am short at 5'3"!! 107 is NOT underweight for me, and I'm not aiming to BE underweight (105 will be my limit). I just need the control over my body! I may be an orthorexic ass, but I'm now a physically very healthy orthorexic ass!

Why can't I just be left alone to eat what I want and exercise how I want? Plenty of fitness buffs have the same habits!

No, I don't want ice cream. My stomach is sensitive to dairy. Sorry, I prefer black rice to white rice. Complex carbs and all. Sorry, I'm going for more protein at the moment. I'm currently in recomp. No thank you, I've already eaten plenty for today. Oh, I'm about to workout. I shouldn't be full before I go. No, I don't want a bite. Sorry, I actually don't like salty snacks. Sorry, I'm full. Seriously, I am.

I'm happy right about where I am right now. Let me fucking maintain this perfectly healthy weight and recomp my body to a more muscular version at this same size! If you push me to overeat, it's going to fling me into my old restriction/fasting cycle, until the next time you force me to overeat.

Leave. Me. Be.

---

The prospect of seeing former classmates is giving me so much anxiety ugh
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Fri Jun 8 21:39:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pq57n/the_prospect_of_seeing_former_classmates_is/
---
Hey everyone it's me again :")

So, there's gonna be this festival at my former high school tomorrow and there'll be an area for ex-students to hang out and catch up and stuff and it's usually a really fun event and I've always enjoyed it while I studied there but now I'm too worried about what my former classmates (esp. the mean ones) are gonna think about me??? I've had such a stressful couple of weeks lately with loads of uni work and I feel like a complete mess emotionally and I don't think I can handle people judging how I look or how fat I still am :\\ I've been restricting and exercising more the last few days in preparation for that but still ughh I wish I could just enjoy stuff like a normal person. Sorry for the rant, I just had to get this outta my chest.

---

[Help] Anyone know the kcal?
/u/tobethinspo
Created: Fri Jun 8 20:28:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ppqr4/anyone_know_the_kcal/
---
https://i.imgur.com/PpzMHPa.jpg

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One Meal Every Other Day
/u/SorgeGand
Created: Fri Jun 8 20:18:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ppor0/one_meal_every_other_day/
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Has anyone tried this, and how many cals do you eat per meal? It’s like OMAD but with longer fasts in between. Hoping it will stop the binging.

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Bulimia is hell and I'm a piece of shit
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Fri Jun 8 19:58:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ppker/bulimia_is_hell_and_im_a_piece_of_shit/
---
This has been the bulimia week from hell. I'm purging everyday, sometimes more than once per day (3X Monday, 2X Tuesday). And the kicker is that I'm still fucking fat. Nowhere near a normal BMI. I keep teetering between overweight and obese. I've lost about 30lbs and I still feel huge.

I b/p'ed tonight and I didn't even want to. I promised myself that after I purged I'd be done with eating for the day but NOPE! I ate pizza and leftover from a party last weekend that were kinda gross because they were a week old. I feel so shitty physically and I'm here wishing I could purge AGAIN but my chest hurts, my throat hurts, and my voice is horse.

I found out a week ago I didnt get my dream job from someone who I thought just loved me as an employee and it hurts I cant even get a job with him. How is anyone else going to hire me when he doesn't even want me? I really thought I was a shoe in but no, I'm a piece of shit who cant get hired anywhere. How could even a stranger want me as an employee when someone who knows me doesn't? It's that he knows me that's why. He knows I'm shit. And I'm to fucking fat to get hired anywhere else (I work in healthcare). Who would want to look at me all day?

---

my mom's big mouth *VERY LONG*
/u/band-aide
Created: Fri Jun 8 19:29:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ppei1/my_moms_big_mouth_very_long/
---
my mom hasn't ever been like this but i have to vent because she's said two stupid things to me today. i was feeling pretty okay this morning and put on this plaid skirt before i went out with her, and when she got home, she said something really weird. "it doesn't fit you right." i kept asking her what it means, where did it fit me weird, etc. she kept kind of trailing off and not really answering me. these comments are actually super out of character for her. i'm even rarely told comments like that in general; i'm so concerned about my appearance and how clothes fit on me all the time, and have been for years. it freaked me out, but i thought it looked fine and rocked it anyway. guess i look fucking fat or something lol! i love loathing my body every single day.

what really pissed me off was a really awful """"joke"""" she made about some stupid object she purchased today. to make it short, she called it "anorexic" because it was skinny. i deadass just said to her "that's not funny at all. you KNOW i am the last person that would ever find that acceptable to say." she tried to deny that it was a joke (really, mom...), that it wasn't aimed towards me (i was THE only person there besides my dog!), etc. i walked away pretty distraught while she said something sarcastic along the lines of "guess i should just curl up and die in a hole." what. the fuck. ???

i know it sounds like i hate my mom or that i think she's a vile person, but i typically always get along with her just fine and never have moments like this. but this just triggered me so fucking hard. this is why i can only treat my mom like a friendly acquaintance, and not a parent i can go to for emotional help. this speaks LEVELS to me, and angers me, it fucking hurts me every time i remember all the emotional neglect i had growing up. my mother is not a bad person, but remembering all the bad memories surrounding my mental illnesses and her denial of them over and over again is like... multiple punches to my stomach. all the panic attacks met with frustration and hostility, the anxiety that was never seen as needing understanding and love, the depressive episodes that were burdensome and an annoyance. when i am doing okay, or pretending to and keeping my emotions to myself (something i have had to learn to do around my parents), i am seen as a great daughter, i am funny and intelligent, beautiful and creative. but god forbid i admit or express my mental illnesses. i am "just fine and need to get over it". i need to stop crying in the bathroom and get back out to the family party, i need to stop cutting myself because of how guilty it makes you feel, i need to start eating dinner at the table again, i just need to try for once in school. never mind the multiple diagnoses i was given to therapists over the years. i stopped therapy because i felt guilty over how awkward you acted about it. i stopped therapy because you insinuated that all i did was talk about you in there.
it hurts so much, and will continue to hurt, when i remember years from now my school counselor and my therapist calling you to tell you what i was AFRAID to say to you. it hurts that you think giving me the silent treatment helps, and isn't the reason i starting cutting so many years ago. it hurts that you didn't react at all last new years' when i told you i had been struggling with an eating disorder for six years. it was such a big deal to me. i thought it would change things. how stupid of me.

it hurts that you waited five years to tell me that my middle school teachers emailed you about my possible eating disorder at the time, and you said i was "fine". i was always skinny. never mind the fact that i lost 20 lbs and had a bmi of 16. i still ate right? even if i only was eating under 500 calories a day at 13, it was just fine. REAL anorexics don't eat at all, you're the expert aren't you? i guess i wasn't bony enough, i wasn't sick enough. what would it take? would i need to be hospitalized? put on a feeding tube? Dead?

you don't care, you're in denial. you'll be in denial until i'm dead. and even then you would never try to understand. i never opened up to you because the only time i heard mom mention eating disorders was when a celebrity she didn't like was "too skinny" and "must be anorexic". i wasn't going to tell her that her daughter was like that too. i could never sit down and talk to her. what would i become? a vain, vapid, stupid little girl like all the celebrities she hated? those were people with eating disorders. how awful of them to develop a MENTAL ILLNESS they cannot control. people with EDs are NEVER REAL PEOPLE, right? i am sick of anorexic people being downsized into vain creatures. i wanted to look SICK because all my life my parents refused that i was ever mentally ill.

this says to me that my struggle is invisible to my own mother. my struggle is a mere punchline, a stupid, thoughtless joke, and nothing more. ignore all the negativity in your life, at my expense.

---

Cheeseburger made me cry 👍
/u/spooky-cheesecake
Created: Fri Jun 8 18:26:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pp0ap/cheeseburger_made_me_cry/
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Had dinner with my family and wound up in a situation where everyone was expecting me to eat a cheeseburger. I am not okay with dairy products and this had cheese melted all over it plus some white sauce that I didn't recognize. I couldn't tell them that I'm not eating dairy because I DON'T KNOW LOL.

So I took a few bites and just started crying. I felt like the dairy was instantly seeping into my skin and the frustration of knowing that's crazy and it's just fucking cheese combined with being super hungry and feeling powerless... just wrecked me.

Super cool that this is the direction my life has taken. I'm an adult, btw, and not an actual baby like you might expect given the situation.

Sorry to post this without having an introduction or anything. I've been lurking here forever and I just had to make an account and vent. I'm so disgusted/frustrated with myself.

---

[Other] I’m baaaaaack
/u/PM-ME-ROAST-BEEF
Created: Fri Jun 8 18:20:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8poyva/im_baaaaaack/
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So I thought I was “recovering”. I had dropped from 107kg to 94kg (28lbs lost for you Americans) through a combination of starving, chewing/spitting, and self loathing. I finally started feeling good about myself and eating like a “normal person”. I felt great until I stepped on the scale this morning for the first time in several weeks, to discover I’m at 98kg. I’ve put on 4kg (almost 9lbs)

So I’m back at it. Currently redownloading Zero and MFP :))))

Ive decided once I get down to 90kg I’m going to give myself a one week free-for-all binge break before I carry on with my weight loss, though, because I don’t want to get back on the fake recovery bandwagon and feel like I’m getting better when in reality I’m just becoming a cow again.

---

[Discussion] "Empty" music video - what do you all think?
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Fri Jun 8 18:19:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8poymn/empty_music_video_what_do_you_all_think/
---
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=36QMyiRAv-Y&noapp=1&client=mv-google

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[Other] “You don’t know which of your friends is suffering” - the silent killer that is mental illness
/u/chipmunknutter
Created: Fri Jun 8 18:16:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8poy0x/you_dont_know_which_of_your_friends_is_suffering/
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I’m having a rough day, most days are rough because it’s a daily battle with my brain. The deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain may seem inexplicable to many but I can see how someone could see no end other than the end. But, I doubt anyone who knows me would ever think that my thoughts can get so dark. They have no clue how much I suffer. I assume many here feel similarly especially as eating disorders tend to be very isolating. I just wanted to say that I’m thankful for this place and, while I know it’s hard, remind us all to reach out before making anything final.

National suicide hotline - 1- 800 - 273 - TALK

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Jealous of the skeletons in Disney's 'CoCo'
/u/CoffeeBonez
Created: Fri Jun 8 18:05:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pov7k/jealous_of_the_skeletons_in_disneys_coco/
---
triggered by their hipbones. Fuck is wrong with me

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[Help] safest/most effective long term sleep aid?
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Fri Jun 8 18:03:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pouvd/safestmost_effective_long_term_sleep_aid/
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hi so melatonin and valerian root aren't strong enough for me and recently i've been using doxylamine which works well but apparently it can cause dementia if taken long term so i'll have to stop asap. has anyone had success with safer long term options? preferably over the counter but i can ask my doc if need be.

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If your body to talk to you what would it say?
/u/resistersista
Created: Fri Jun 8 18:02:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8poup7/if_your_body_to_talk_to_you_what_would_it_say/
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Today was my first session with my therapist to discuss my disordered eating. She's been my therapist for 15 years and she has my trust. After about half an hour of explaining how I got to this point and talking about potential reasons why, she asked this question:

**If your body could talk to you what would it say?**

Without hesitation I said "I want to be strong and healthy, please feed me, why aren't you taking care of me, don't you care about me?"** In contrast, I do take care of my body when it comes to exercise (not to excess and not an obsession). I do all of the things for my body with exercise that I don't do for my body with food. I'm trying to connect the dots and work this out and this just seemed so obviously to be a disconnect. This is just the start but I'm sure I will learn about lots about my mind/body disconnections through therapy.

I just wanted to share and see if anyone feels the same way. What would your body say to you?

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[Discussion] DAE get paranoid about portion sizes when eating out? [Rant]
/u/Javalan237
Created: Fri Jun 8 18:00:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pouao/dae_get_paranoid_about_portion_sizes_when_eating/
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Sorry for the rant.

I hate when I go out to eat, especially if it's at a place where I see them prep food like Chipotle, and I just KNOW that they're giving me more.

I'm not sure if they're just used to people complaining about portions so they preemptively pile it on, but I'm so paranoid about it. How can I count my calories? How can I lie to myself and put this in my food diary when I KNOW that they're giving me too much. And it's never the proteins, it's always the carbtastic, calorie dense stuff like rice and pasta. Do you think I don't know what an 2oz of pasta looks like, half a cup of beans, etc? Because I do.

And my friends are so content to lie to themselves "Oh, this only has X calories in it, why are you always obsessing?"

I can't be the only one that feels this way.

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[Rant/Rave] Broccoli is misleading
/u/i_am_awful
Created: Fri Jun 8 17:51:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pos19/broccoli_is_misleading/
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I ate so much raw broccoli with my dinner, thinking it was pretty low calorie. I guess I misremembered how many calories are in a head of broccoli because I went to log the calories, it came to 200kcals. TWO HUNDRED. I was on the phone with my boyfriend and had to hang up due to how much I was panicking. Honestly screw consuming anything other than Coke Zero and tea.

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[Other] Is there calories in peptobismol
/u/gothicapples
Created: Fri Jun 8 17:43:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8poq6w/is_there_calories_in_peptobismol/
---
Just curious

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Amazing song I think everyone in this sub needs to hear
/u/elttil_snatas
Created: Fri Jun 8 17:35:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8poohb/amazing_song_i_think_everyone_in_this_sub_needs/
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https://www.youtube.com/attribution_link?a=3OhFJjTtabY&u=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D36QMyiRAv-Y%26feature%3Dshare

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(kinda sad warning) What are the opportunities / social events you've turned down because of your ED?
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Fri Jun 8 17:32:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ponjv/kinda_sad_warning_what_are_the_opportunities/
---
Today my friend group went for lunch and drinks after class. We were thinking of doing something and I was up for it but the moment it became a food thing my heart kind of sank. I turned it down, made an excuse about transport. They offered to take me and I was trying not to seem weird about it \- but I hadn't budgeted for this. I didn't know that menu. In the end I just went home. It just made me wonder how many times I've done this. I can usually budget my cals and be slightly more lenient now but it's still there.

I think the one I regret most is the festivals and raves I turned down when my mood and body image was off.

When my ED was full blown anorexia I basically had no social life and it's the main thing that stops me getting obsessive again. I'm worried about moving for uni because I'm going to be without my inner circle, no one to balance my habits for. I don't know.

Anyways, if anyone wants to get it off their chest, what are some things you've said no to because of ED things?

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How much do you guys lose every day when fasting?
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Fri Jun 8 16:37:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8po9p4/how_much_do_you_guys_lose_every_day_when_fasting/
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[Goal] I think I just found the most triggering video on Youtube. I was about to binge when I first saw it, now I'm halfway through my 2nd day of fasting.
/u/ToasterII
Created: Fri Jun 8 16:33:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8po8sg/i_think_i_just_found_the_most_triggering_video_on/
---
https://youtu.be/6PUNvkHgi0M

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[Other] Victory? Kind of?
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Fri Jun 8 16:31:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8po84u/victory_kind_of/
---
Last month I weighed over 255 pounds. I just weighed myself, and I'm at 240. I'm still fat as fuck, but now I'm less fat as fuck. My body and my face look so much better, and I'm starting to look pretty again.

I'm praying for the moment when someone says I've lost so much weight so quickly and either congratulates me or expresses concern. Both of these will really stroke my ego.

My ex had already done this about three weeks ago. He said I look like I lost 20 lbs and kept asking what I was doing. Considering weeks and over ten pounds have passed, now he's really gonna be scratching his head.

*I'm so fucked up lol*

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[Help] Practical Question: can storage?
/u/ChubbyBunny8
Created: Fri Jun 8 16:30:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8po7yc/practical_question_can_storage/
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Hello peoples, how do you all store your cans? I tend to drink a good number of fizzy waters and diet sodas. I typically keep them in the boxes, half empty, in a corner in the kitchen like an animal. My mother is coming to visit and I need to tidy up, plus i'd like to find a more aesthetically pleasing and easily accessible alternative. Suggestions?

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Delicious smoothie that also keeps you full...
/u/fxuk
Created: Fri Jun 8 16:18:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8po4qa/delicious_smoothie_that_also_keeps_you_full/
---
https://i.redd.it/5tbhrfmpqu211.jpg

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Ordered a bunch of jeans too small, FML
/u/wishfulthinkings
Created: Fri Jun 8 15:29:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pnri4/ordered_a_bunch_of_jeans_too_small_fml/
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Ahhh, fuck, what did I do. I used to be a size 29 jeans but all those jeans have worn out or broke. So now I am down to my last few size 30's that I never got rid of. I got comfy in that size again and gained weight. So I decided on a whim to buy a bunch of size 28 in my favorite brand and now that they are here, they are SOOOOO small compared to what I am currently at. Fuck!!!

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Embarrassed to be seen in public?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Fri Jun 8 15:14:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pnn8n/embarrassed_to_be_seen_in_public/
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I'm guessing this isn't so rare here, but is anyone else embarrassed to be seen in public while they are far away from their goal weight? I have struggled with agoraphobia for a long time and it only seems to get better when I'm thin. I also don't feel 'worthy' to have feelings for guys while I'm this fat (like, haha like they'd ever be interested).

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Most rapid weight loss you've experienced?
/u/Jenny_Roberts
Created: Fri Jun 8 14:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pnhso/most_rapid_weight_loss_youve_experienced/
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I'm just really impatient 😅

I can't fast because I'm on a medication that I have to take with a "high calorie, high fat" meal, but I've been doing OMAD/keto and that's worked well for me so far.

I usually try to stay between 600 and 1200 cals, usually around 1000. I've also been taking up spin classes and walking on the treadmill at the highest incline (watching ANTM, lol), so on days I do that my net cal intake is around 200-400.

I've lost 13lbs in the past few weeks, which I'm happy about. I think I have a fast metabolism (I gain/lose pretty rapidly) I just have never restricted long enough to see lasting results 🙃

My goal is to get to 130~ by fall, and I'm 202 now.

I'm just frustrated and impatient, and I know it just takes time and dedication, but urghhhh! I don't want to keep wearing my fat clothes!!

I want to hear from you guys- what's your metabolism like?
How fast was your most rapid weight loss? Any drawbacks that you experienced in losing that fast?

Thank you sweethearts!

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[Discussion] Anyone else take zopiclone? Makes food taste bad; triggered a relapse
/u/salvageable1
Created: Fri Jun 8 14:51:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pngso/anyone_else_take_zopiclone_makes_food_taste_bad/
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New sleep aid I started recently. 15mg makes my mouth taste like I've been sucking on plumbing. Lasts through the next day. Water and coffee are fine but everything else is unappealing. Taste in the mouth is tolerable but mixed with food flavours it's gross

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Where can you get a scale?
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Fri Jun 8 14:49:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pngb1/where_can_you_get_a_scale/
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There’s an old scale in my garage that is said to not be entirely accurate so it makes me a little anxious. I tried getting a new one through amazon, but it doesn’t work so I need another new one. Where did you guys get your scales?

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[Rant/Rave] I'm a Bridesmaid and Terrified
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Fri Jun 8 14:40:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pndms/im_a_bridesmaid_and_terrified/
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So my old college roommate is getting married at the end of this month and I'm a Bridesmaid in her wedding. I'm having a lot of feelings right now and I guess I just need to get them out. Any advice/words of encouragement would be very helpful. ❤

I'm taking off a weekend of work for this wedding. It's like three hours away and my boyfriend doesn't want to come with me so I'll basically be alone. I haven't seen the bride or her family in like a year, and I've lost weight since then. I'm not down to my goal weight, which is really stressing me out. The thing I'm most freaked out about is the food and alcohol. I originally planned to high restrict all this month to get down to 90lbs but I fucked that up already by binging the past three days in a row and I'm up 5 lbs. ):

You guys I dont know what to do. I'm so anxious that people will make comments on my weight loss but I feel so fat as it is. I guess there with be a cash bar and the food is buffet style. I really just want to EC stack the whole time and eat my safe pre packaged food (quest bars and rice cakes) but I feel that's impossible because of all of the people and the fact that I'm at a wedding....

I'm also anxious because the bridesmaid dress is form fitting so I want to look as small as possible. I know it's not my wedding but my ED is making this so stressful. The bride will want me to drink with her and thats also calories I have to worry about. I feel so alone. She is unaware I have an ED and now is definitely not the time to bring it up. It's her special day. I just feel like crying right now..... I'm so pathetic

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Blood test results
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Fri Jun 8 14:22:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pn8iv/blood_test_results/
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Oh wow look at me - two posts in two minutes.

In March I went for an ECG and bloods. Th The was ECG was fine but they were vague on the bloods. I did receive a letter saying heir system noted my not calling about the test results.

Earlier this evening I got a call from the doctor which I couldn’t take because I wasn’t in private and now I’m quite stressed - would they call if there was something bad about my bloods? I have to wait until Monday to find out, what could it be?!

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Easy veggie budget stuff?
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Fri Jun 8 14:17:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pn7ar/easy_veggie_budget_stuff/
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Hey y’all. So I’m planning on losing another 4kg because recovery is not for me. I have no idea why but I just want to be skinnier idk this disease kind of sucks.

I’d like to eat around 600-800cal per day - I was previously doing 400 but the side effects were too much.

Looking for some very cheap and filling vegetarian diet plans. I was thinking egg-white omelette (but eggs would be expensive because I must buy organic); yoghurt and berries?; what do I do for lunches etc???

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Jaiden & Boyinaband - Empty (Official Music Video)
/u/Sashx0
Created: Fri Jun 8 13:13:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pmoc2/jaiden_boyinaband_empty_official_music_video/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36QMyiRAv-Y

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[Help] Is the Panera Bread calorie info accurate?
/u/nekkedpebbl
Created: Fri Jun 8 13:09:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pmncd/is_the_panera_bread_calorie_info_accurate/
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I just got a half salad of Chicken Strawberry Poppy (or something like that) and it’s supposed to be 190 cal for a stupidly large portion. I’m freaking out because I feel like the calories have to be wrong, especially as I’ve herd that the dressing holds most calories and there’s a lot of dressing on this salad. Does anyone know?

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Ouch
/u/ViscousCerebrum
Created: Fri Jun 8 13:03:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pmlew/ouch/
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https://i.redd.it/azmd54mxrt211.jpg

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[Help] Do feeding tubes hurt?
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Fri Jun 8 12:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pm88o/do_feeding_tubes_hurt/
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And what makes them decide to give you a feeding tube?

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[Academic Study] Ethnicity, Body Image, and Health Behaviors (18-25 year olds living in the United States)
/u/WildSe7enBoi91
Created: Fri Jun 8 12:18:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pm829/academic_study_ethnicity_body_image_and_health/
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https://llu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8eq0VBhBmvfJ1s1

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[Goal] First time under 140 since freshman year of high school.
/u/burgkm15
Created: Fri Jun 8 12:17:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pm7tb/first_time_under_140_since_freshman_year_of_high/
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I can’t believe I did this. Next goal is 135. I’m so happy and so scared I’m going to mess it up.

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[Rant/Rave] I went on a week’s vacation
/u/its_freaking_bats
Created: Fri Jun 8 12:04:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pm41e/i_went_on_a_weeks_vacation/
---
I think you can all guess what happened. I definitely gained weight. I’m going home tonight but I refuse to even weigh myself or I will have a breakdown. I couldn’t stop eating. Need to get back on track tomorrow though and I am looking forward to not feeling so disgustingly full all the time.

Feeling very upset with myself and hideously fat.

Pray for me

---

Please don't f*cking comment on how much I eat, thanks
/u/noroju17
Created: Fri Jun 8 11:34:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pluu4/please_dont_fcking_comment_on_how_much_i_eat/
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So I've been doing a variation on OMAD recently because it is the only thing that at least somewhat satisfies my bingey brain, starvey brain, and normal brain at the same time. I eat midday, so my family always sees me eating huge amounts of food, not aware that it's less than 1000 calories and all I will be eating for the day.

To my dear sister, the first person I ever told that I have an issue with food:

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. in what world is it ok to make comments about what I'm eating every time I eat????? Why the hell are still accusing me of being able to eat whatever I want because of my "metabolism"? I'm eating two bowls of ice cream on top of all the other fucking food BECAUSE I HAVENT EATEN ANYTHING ELSE ALL DAY NOR WILL I EAT ANYTHING ELSE AFTER THIS. And when I explain that to you, don't fucking say "learn to take a joke!" LEARN TO NOT COMMENT ON MY FOOD ~~you fat fuck~~

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[Rant/Rave] Cannot stick to my own rules.
/u/MissLadyPerson
Created: Fri Jun 8 11:30:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pltu4/cannot_stick_to_my_own_rules/
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It's really starting to piss me off. I can restrict quite successfully when I'm alone. But as soon as I'm around my husband again it all goes out the window. I'm really starting to hate myself. No wonder I'm still fat. Ha. I have 0 self control.
I don't know how to make it easier to restrict around him though. I know the issue is I'm a fat piece of shit with no selfcontrol but I dunno how to fix that. :(

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This was a full bottle 30 minutes ago. I’m a fucking disgusting binging monster. It wasn’t even that filling or anything. My ED knows no bounds or limits.
/u/Grellous8
Created: Fri Jun 8 10:48:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8plhdf/this_was_a_full_bottle_30_minutes_ago_im_a/
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https://i.redd.it/y4rpkicu3t211.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] Got called skinny last night...
/u/vucio72
Created: Fri Jun 8 10:18:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pl8ba/got_called_skinny_last_night/
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...but that's fucking false? like really, it's okay, I'm aware that I am not even remotely skinny. I only just entered the "healthy" BMI range, and even barely; that meme on r/ProEDmemes with that wheel of BMI ranges apparently lists 23 in the "overweight" range so ya girl is still overweight I guess lol. It wasn't even by any big people; it was my two very normally\-sized coworkers (who know about my "weight loss journey" but obv don't really know what I'm doing to get there).

Anyway I had like wayyyy too many alcohol calories last night when I went out to dinner with them and I'm about to go out to dinner with some old college friends in the nearest large metropolis (a 2hr train ride from me). We're a bougie bunch so at least I know the food will be those tiny "expensive restaurant" portions and I can have wine instead of cocktails, plus I just won't eat until then so everything will hopefully balance out for today? But also I have no clue how to count or log expensive restaurant food so I'm just gonna log some stupid amount of calories and feel bad about it later anyway LOL

Also also, my gw1 might be 120 but that's the only goal weight I've told anyone about when realistically my actual goal weight is \<105, since then I'll finally have a BMI of \<20, but I don't really know how to tell people that without being like "yeah I guess I just feel like I want to lose more weight", since I've actually been pretty jazzed to be back in the 120s for the first time since my freshman year of college and I don't exactly hide my emotions.

Idk, I have a lot of very complicated thoughts, but I guess they boil down to 1) I know my coworkers actually felt like they were complimenting me (and may have even believed it!) when they called me skinny, but it just feels like a lie and 2) I feel ashamed about wanting to lose more weight even though I am "healthy" now and want to get to a weight that is still "healthy".

Thanks everyone for reading my nonsensical rant, but I guess that's why we're all here, right? ❤✨

---

Looking fatter but at the same weight as before?
/u/vintagetimetable
Created: Fri Jun 8 09:53:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pl0l2/looking_fatter_but_at_the_same_weight_as_before/
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I while ago, I weighed about 45.5 kg. I had a prominent thigh gap that didn’t close. After recovery, I gained back up to 48 kilos, then began restricting again, and I’m back to 45.5 kg again. The thing is, my thigh gap is tiny now and closes super easily. I look fatter and clothes that fell off me then dont do that now.

BTW both weights were taken on the same scale, and my scale is accurate, I tested it with weights.

Is it possible to look fatter at the same weight as before?

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[Rant/Rave] I broke 100 today!!!
/u/Poopoodemons
Created: Fri Jun 8 09:51:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pkzzp/i_broke_100_today/
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99.8 this morning. I’m so happy I could cry!

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I broke 100 today!!!
/u/Poopoodemons
Created: Fri Jun 8 09:51:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pkzw8/i_broke_100_today/
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99.8 this morning. I’m so happy I could cry!

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I broke 100 today!!!
/u/Poopoodemons
Created: Fri Jun 8 09:50:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pkzv7/i_broke_100_today/
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99.8 this morning. I’m so happy I could cry!

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Bad Plateau, please help
/u/bbbrista
Created: Fri Jun 8 08:20:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pk966/bad_plateau_please_help/
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Ive been plateaued for 4 days, and only broke my last plateau which lasted 4 days by having a maintenence day, but that was last week and now Im stuck again. Im so mad at myself because Im still 20 pounds overweight and somehow holding onto weight. I eat 400-600 calories a day, this feels fucking impossible. I know Im not having calorie creep, because Im so particular with everything I eat, weigh everything out, and also because Ive already lost 29.8 pounds doing this but cant get this last .2 off to at least have lost 30. I was dropping so steadily at .3-.8 a day and Im so mad at myself that Im not anymore.
Im gonna try and eat my tdee today and see if that helps at all but Im so frustrated and disgusted at the idea of eating 1900 calories. How have you all broken a plateau? Please help, Im gonna be real honest losing weight is just about the only thing Ive got going for me and really the only reason I havent offed myself and this is driving me insane.

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Dealing with binges?
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Fri Jun 8 08:05:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pk576/dealing_with_binges/
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Last night was probably the worst binge of my life. After an entire day of heavy restricting I ended up getting high with some friends who kept me out way past when I usually go to sleep. I came home and ended up binging like a fucking animal. Alot of it was veggies and healthy food but it had to be thousands of calories. I felt like my stomach was going to rip open. I woke up this morning almost in disbelief that I actually fucking did that. I'm about to go weigh myself as punishment and I'm terrified. How do you guys deal with binges? How do I fucking fix this

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[Help] reccomendations for anxiety medication/anything that can help me?
/u/Jemjon
Created: Fri Jun 8 07:43:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pjyxg/reccomendations_for_anxiety_medicationanything/
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Hey all! I know everyone here is no stranger to anxiety, specifically the kind I have - obsessive thoughts over not just food but everything I do being 'the right choice' or 'good enough', from my work to my hobbies, everything is over evaluated by my mind eventually leading me to crash and burn.

ANYWAYS, trying to recover on my own has not been going great and my parents want to put me on medication. They wanted depression but I think this is an anxiety problem. are there any mediciations you guys have had luck with? I know not everything works for everyone I just don't trust the doctor to just give me anything they want...

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[Rant/Rave] help me lol
/u/sonorie
Created: Fri Jun 8 06:37:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pjjg0/help_me_lol/
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This is all over the place sorry in advance

I was so close to hitting my UGW and then for some fucking reason I started binging again. My binges have NEVER been this bad. I've consumed upwards of 7000 calories a day for the past three days just eating round the clock and this morning I had such a big "breakfast" I couldn't even go to work I had to call in sick because I can't WALK!

I AM STILL EATING RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know what the funniest thing is though, I told my parents I was feeling sick and they both think I'm anorexic, so they got on my ass for NOT EATING ENOUGH so I ate MORE!!! They ALWAYS do this!! Every time I talk about feeling sick they tell me to eat more! And then I do! My dad even got mad at me for crying because of the stomach pain and told me that if I was so upset I should just fast for the whole weekend, which, I was already going to? But fuck you anyway for saying that! Then he snapped at me it was stupid to worry before I'm actually overweight, which FUCK YOU FOR SAYING THAT!

Can you believe it, I lose weight quickly and people tell me I'm "scary looking" and "way too skinny" EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT UNDERWEIGHT YET, but yet when I gain weight quickly people tell me it's fine because I'm not overweight yet. The hypocrisy REEKS. I can't WAIT to move back to my college city so I stop having to be around junk food all the goddamn time and can eat nothing in peace without people triggering my binges by talking about how tiny I am and how I'm dying or what the fuck ever else... I'm not even tiny my bones just stand out easily because I have no muscle

Anyway someone help I can't keep going on like this, thinking of all the progress I've undone is making me want to die, the only good thing I've done is not purge.

tl;dr said I felt ill, my dad asked if I ate breakfast, aggressively implying I hadn't; when I snapped and listed off everything I ate that morning, he said "no, I meant just what you ate for breakfast TODAY". I laughed so hard I cried. Please press F

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Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! June 08, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 8 06:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pjds7/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_june/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for June 08, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 08, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 8 06:12:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pjdr5/daily_food_diary_june_08_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 08, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

Fasted for three days, gained weight.
/u/damnitjanet6
Created: Fri Jun 8 06:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pjc1m/fasted_for_three_days_gained_weight/
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Lol I feel like crap.

I was staying with a friend for the last day, but luckily a friend who knows about my shitbrain and didn't push too hard for me to eat. Three day fast, then one day under 500 calories (although the 500 calories was not the healthiest- an entire bag of salad, an entire punnet of raspberries and then just a tonne of Halo Top and a lolly) and one day binging on museli (which seems to be my downfall a lot? I like it but not as much as I seem to binge on it lol. I don't even keep it in the house, but I'm back home with my parents at the moment) but still under 1200 which is my BMR. Lots of walking and dancing exercise. Sneaking off to the bathroom to do squats and stretches. Plenty of water and green tea. So how have I gained a pound??

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Looking for new safe foods, hit me up
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Fri Jun 8 05:54:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pj9me/looking_for_new_safe_foods_hit_me_up/
---

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Dietland
/u/MsFaceless
Created: Fri Jun 8 05:26:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pj3rv/dietland/
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Who's watched Dietland? And what are your thoughts?

I think it's quite shocking how most of us walk around with similar thoughts, despite our 'smaller' size...

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I think i have to break up with my physio 🙃
/u/TheOrgazoid99
Created: Fri Jun 8 04:32:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pitld/i_think_i_have_to_break_up_with_my_physio/
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So fucking triggering 😩


He spends so much time touching my hip bones 🙃 and those pokey bits above your bum (the back of the hips? Shoutout to r/badwomensanatomy lol) 🙃


Like when he isnt doing assessments or rubbing the muscles around the hips (idk the professional term 😬), he still just chills out with his hand on my hip bone and has a conversation.


I dont know why it has this affect but every time i have an appointment i spend the rest of the day fasting or puking (even small safe meals). I cant keep doing this.


My next appointment is not for a month and i have a plan (favourite safe foods, fuck my bank account: Halo top, quest bar**s**, and shiritake soup) but fuck it is messing with me like nothing else.


Super specific situation but obvs advice is welcome from you lovely people 🦉I dont really want to quit, but if this super triggered response happens even one more time, i know i need to. (Also small town one physio so swapping, aside from being way too awkward, isnt an option).


On mobile but flair rant

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[Help] Please Help Me
/u/YirtleTheTurtle
Created: Fri Jun 8 03:18:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pigwq/please_help_me/
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I’m 14 years of age as of April, i’m 5’4, 105 pounds and have a BMI of 18 (27th percentile), but I feel so fat. I want to lose weight and be skinny because when I ask people they don’t say I’m skinny, they say i’m average. But I already see a specialist therapist for anorexia and I haven’t grown in a year at my current weight, and I haven’t hit puberty. I feel so fat and I don’t know what to do.

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Tips to try and stop throwing up food
/u/narkreturn
Created: Fri Jun 8 03:11:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pifp9/tips_to_try_and_stop_throwing_up_food/
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Recently been feeling guilty after eating and would end up throwing up my meals. It isn’t very serious, only three times this week, but I really wanna stop this habit from forming. I genuinely feel good doing it but I don’t like the effects it’s causing on my throat and need help finding ways to convince myself not to next time my brain thinks it’s a good idea. Thanks!

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[Help] I’ve started seeing a psychologist, but now i’m afraid i’m wording things wrong (help me find words)
/u/sproutsforastronauts
Created: Fri Jun 8 02:36:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pia31/ive_started_seeing_a_psychologist_but_now_im/
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That’s a big friggin huge step, going out to seek help. Long story short, i realized that I was dealing with the same problems I had when I was a teenager (I’m in my 20s now) and I don’t want to STILL be dealing with this in another 10 years.


I’ve only had one visit with my psychologist so far, next one is this sunday, but I already feel like I messed up. The only thing that I brought up that I vividly remember starting my body-obsession is that as a kid I was watching fukin Winx Club and I was wondering why my legs didn’t look like theirs. I didn’t go into further detail about what moves me and triggers me, and now I feel like I already worked myself into the “got into an eating disorder because of external media influence” and that’s SUCH a sucky/false stereotype. I don’t think he has a lot of experience with EDs, so i rly feel like i started off at the wrong foot.


Of course I can’t ask YOU how to explain what started MY ed.. But what do you think did it for you? Maybe that’ll help me word my experience a bit better

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[Discussion] DAE have nightmares induced by their ED?
/u/Lairabel09
Created: Fri Jun 8 01:38:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pi13g/dae_have_nightmares_induced_by_their_ed/
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Today I woke up sweating cause of a dream about losing a whole patch of hair in the shower, leaving me with a bald spot.
What are your ED nightmares like?

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Beautiful stranger got me going again.
/u/BronArianwyn
Created: Fri Jun 8 00:48:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8phs1g/beautiful_stranger_got_me_going_again/
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Idk. I work in food, and hand out pre\-ordered stuff and this girl came in today, very sweet and polite and rocking the whole jeans and a crop top look.

Obviously I stared a little, even with how small the pants were still baggy and her shirt kept sliding off and she hung around a while. like, so small she disapeared behind the bag of food when ducking in the corner.

Long story short she had food, picked it up, hung around and then left and later I had to go clean it up and her bag of food was still completely full. just sitting at the table. I was so perplexed but in my brain all i thought was "Damn thats a good idea.."

What is? not eating LOL? like go figure? Idk. I dont even enjoy judging people at first look. Its so mean to assume some one else has an ED just because they're exceptionally small.

it made me want to challenge myself to buy food and torture myself by not eating it. not rich enough for that though lol. Idk, anyone else get crazy days like this?

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Late night crisis. Any support appreciated.
/u/Dim_Lighthouse
Created: Thu Jun 7 23:58:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8phirt/late_night_crisis_any_support_appreciated/
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I don't know what I look like now. I simply don't. But I look at pictures of myself from high school, and MAN. I'm thin and gorgeous, especially comparatively. And of course, my goal is to return to the weight I was then.

But I'm struggling with it. Because I think, to some degree, I'm just aging. I don't know that I'll ever look like a high schooler again, even if I get down to that same weight. You know? Does this even make any sense?

I guess what I want is for someone to reassure me that I'm not an ugly freak for aging a bit. Filling out curves, mostly, and actually developing a chest. And it's okay if I don't look like a high schooler ever again. And I can get to my GW and look like an adult woman who is beautiful.

This has been a rough night. Week. Year.

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[Discussion] What time do you weigh yourself in the morning based off when you ate last?
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Thu Jun 7 23:19:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8phbdr/what_time_do_you_weigh_yourself_in_the_morning/
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For example if I last ate at 5 pm I would just weigh myself when I woke up but if it’s like 10 when will I know the food is digested and settled?

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Hunger as an antidepressant..?
/u/FearlessPassion
Created: Thu Jun 7 23:05:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ph8qh/hunger_as_an_antidepressant/
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Idk if it’s just me, but I find that if I haven’t eaten after ~12 hours, I feel emotionally blank. Like, I don’t have the energy to feel angry, resentful, sad, etc. Forget about being happy lol.

It’s kind of nice because I can’t get proper meds. It feels like I’m on auto pilot.

Another reason not to eat lol.

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[Other] Restricting. Feel alone. Wants comfort. Wants connection and keep losing the weight
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Thu Jun 7 23:00:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ph7ms/restricting_feel_alone_wants_comfort_wants/
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and i dont even know why i keep doing this to myself, losing weight when im already underweight. what gives me comfort is the ed eho is accompanying me. i wish i can enjoy food without worrying but i cant. i cant gain weight. i wanna lose and lose

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[Help] Beach weekend
/u/anonythis_1216
Created: Thu Jun 7 22:26:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ph0km/beach_weekend/
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Hey guys,

I'm going on a weekend trip with my mom, her best friend and my best friend. My best friend knows about my less then ideal eating habits but my mom doesn't. I'm 29, live with roomies, etc. Best friend is super accommodating in making sure I eat but let's me stick to safe foods.

My mom however is suspicious, like she watches me too closely when I eat and encourages me to eat more substantial food cause I'm always eating salads/water when we go out to eat. I've lost 20ish lbs and still want to lose 30 more. I'm at the line between normal and overweight so, it's not like I'm super skinny.

I'm just nervous that while I've lost enough weight to be ok in a swim suit I'll still be super self conscious and not wanting to ruin my progress. The last time we had a weekend away together, I gained 5 lbs attempting to eat "normal" and it took two weeks to lose it again. What can I do to be like "I swear I'm not hungry" even though I can't say the whole "I ate earlier" thing?? Without making her suspicions worse..

uugh why do people even have to be so concerned about food.
I've always loved the saying "eat to live, don't live to eat." It's a necessity, not entertainment!!

---

just went grocery shopping. can’t wait to spend the weekend planning out my diet for the next 3 weeks.
/u/2ndfirstday
Created: Thu Jun 7 22:23:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pgzyx/just_went_grocery_shopping_cant_wait_to_spend_the/
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I did really well with calories when I was just doing meal replacement drinks, but now I’ve run out of them and new ones won’t get here in time before I travel, so I’ll have to get them again when I get back.

I’ve bought a lot of canned foods, plus I have my own rice and noodles. The main rule is to *not* buy any more food until I leave. Hopefully it will keep me in check, both financially and calorically.

---

Addiction issues with Ed
/u/idonthavea_cat
Created: Thu Jun 7 22:09:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pgwv5/addiction_issues_with_ed/
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Is anyone else struggling or had went through being a narcotic addict and bulimia / anorexia?

I'm having troubles because for me they feed on one another and keep me in a cycle . There's using and not acting on my ED behaviors; then not using and giving into my ED behaviors.

My moods are constantly in a mixed state of depression and mania when I'm not high. I find it hard to break free of the cycle. It's very hard for me to leave the house to do an activity even though I have all the time in the world to do it.

Anyone have any tips or similar experiences?

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[Rant/Rave] have been liquid fasting for 50 hours
/u/sepibad
Created: Thu Jun 7 21:13:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pgjym/have_been_liquid_fasting_for_50_hours/
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i’ve mainly been consuming water, but yesterday i had a cup of almond milk which was 40 cals.

today, i was craving something sweet and remembered that my mom bought ice cream yesterday. my lactose intolerant ass runs to the freezer and puts 2 scoops into the bowl until i remember:

oh wait, i’m liquid fasting!

i then put it in the microwave until it turned into a liquid and i ate it.

is this even legal?

---

how many calories did i purge do you think?
/u/versperalaxis
Created: Thu Jun 7 21:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pgji0/how_many_calories_did_i_purge_do_you_think/
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i’m sorry for posting this, as i feel like encouraging. but long story short binged bc of me restricting for a week, and purged for the first time in months. i feel hardly any guilt; only reason is bc i told my bf i wouldn’t anymore.

anyway, sob story aside, how many calories do you think are gone after waiting 20 minutes? i’m so embarrassed to even say what i ate...

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losing hair and eyebrows because of anorexia
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Thu Jun 7 21:07:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pgier/losing_hair_and_eyebrows_because_of_anorexia/
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# has anyone used minoxidil?

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[Rant/Rave] I don't even know what to do.
/u/throwayay_account
Created: Thu Jun 7 20:57:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pgg0h/i_dont_even_know_what_to_do/
---
I have no idea what to do. I feel like a war is going on inside my head. I am underwieght, trying to maintain because i not dangerously underwieght and I'm actually happy where I am at, but keep on binging because "Your underwieght, guess what, calories don't count today teehee!!!!" I try IF so I am not bloated during school hours and I get to have a nice after school snack (TDEE 1800) but whenever I get too hungry I'll eat school lunch, and since I'm skinny I bloat so I'm super uncomfortable, then I get home and have a small snack, leaving me hungry, so then I either starve until dinner or I end up binging and then have dinner. because I don't even know if my mom will cook dinner im always fucked. I'll end up having like 300 calories left for dinner and binge because she always makes high calorie things, or not make dinner and my binge was a fucking waste, and when she also isn't making dinner I have like 800 calories left to make what I want so all the starving between after school snack and dinner was for nothing. and I get so frustrated because I don't know how my calories will be spent so I'm either starving or binging until dinner and I fucking hate it. I'm sitting in my bed, wanting to cry because I'm bloated and angry and I'm going to a fancy restaurant tomorrow and know for a fact I'm binging again, and since i have the "next week" mentality I'm probably going to binge Saturday too and justify it with me being a tad underwieght but overall I'm going to feel like utter shit and still be bloated on sunday.


For example, today I got hungry and had an 800 calorie school lunch, came home, had some low calorie snacks and had 700 calories saved for dinner. Guess what my doods? I got hungry again. Binge!!!!!! Brownies, pb crackers, ice cream, and then my mom got greasy shitty chicken for dinner and now I feel like a greasy bloated mess. Imagine a skinny dude with a bowling ball in front of his belly. That's me right now.


All I want is to be able to not eat during school so I can enjoy sitting without a bloated annoying belly, come home to a nice maybe around 800 calories of after school snacks, around 400 in between that and dinner, and have the final 600 for dinner. That's how I want every day to be but NO, SOMETHING HAS TO GET IN MY FUCKING WAY. I'm so stressed out and freaking out inside my head because I like being skinny and want to maintain but all these binges are giving my stomach aches, headaches, and don't even get me started on using the bathroom. What's worse is that my mom bought enough cookies and snacks to last the whole summer and then some and I have to spend my entire day looking at all these stupid fucking nutter butters (my weakness) without eating them because if I eat one I'm going to go crazy and have a binge. And summer is coming along and I don't want to take my shirt off and have a big fucking bloated belly with a big sad frown I want to have a nice flat belly (which I thankfully have when I am not inhaling shit) all the time but I keep messing myself up.


What the FUCK do I do? I literally can't even concentrate on my schoolwork because I'm focused on how sick I feel in the belly and I'm so close to failing and I dont have any energy all i want is my baggy pants, shirt, sit on the couch and play my games and eat my 1800 calories without a fucking problem. Since I am underwieght I feel like the whole world wants me to binge giving me more reason to do it, and when it's over guess what I'm in fucking pain and feel sick and i have no idea what to do.



I would love any advice or just anything at all. Even some anti bloating tips I could use right now. Even criticism. Anything. Sitting in my bed arguing with my binge voice with no one else to talk to is getting repetitive and sad.

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B/P after a while of restriction. I HATE myself. I feel so fat and disgusting right now.
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Thu Jun 7 20:42:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pgckx/bp_after_a_while_of_restriction_i_hate_myself_i/
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So I have been restricting decently, toward the higher end but noticing my clothes fitting a little loser, felt kinda okay, was losing slowly but not gaining. Ehhh not the greatest but I was feeling like at least SOMETHING was happening. I have been obsessed with tracking and doing OMAD. Measuring my arms and legs obsessively so many times a day.

Tonight I had a big B/P session, I feel so sick, yet so empty. All I am thinking about is food. I want more, I am not hungry at all, but I want more. I look fat, I feel fat, I am full of like 2 weeks worth of food and fat. I HATE my stomach. Why did I do this and why do I want to binge again. I hate living like this so much. I hate it, but it is all I have. I just want to cut the fat off of my body. Sorry morbid maybe, I am just so upset with myself. I ruin everything good I have going.

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[Rant/Rave] Being admitted for the second time.
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Thu Jun 7 20:21:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pg7q7/being_admitted_for_the_second_time/
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Had a family meeting with my doctors, therapist and a social worker lady and basically my one doctor didn’t take my vitals besides weight and assumed I’m healthy and they were going to let me go home for two weeks before I left for residential but instead the other doctor has bloods drawn on me and my vitals done and now I’m being admitted for the second time for two weeks. No phone. What the fuck am I going to do??? I don’t want to be fatter than I am now and I fucking can’t stand drinking ensure or that fucking hospital food. How do I get out of this shit I’ve gotten myself into?

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Physically easier but emotionally harder
/u/fivefivepointfive
Created: Thu Jun 7 20:13:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pg5t0/physically_easier_but_emotionally_harder/
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It's a slippery slope from intermittent fasting to one normal meal a day to one heavily restricted "meal" a day.

Restricting is a lot easier than when I first started out. The hunger pangs are gone. Water and other liquids fill me up like no other, and I don't even need to use the bathroom as much. The brain fog is either gone or has just become so consistently there that I don't remember what it's like not to feel it.

But I feel so *guilty.* I work in nutrition, for goodness' sake.

I hate that I struggle with disordered eating and that I can so easily get around it by self\-prescribing myself as a foodie and somebody in love with my work.

I know this lifestyle won't be sustainable and that even if I can sustain it, I shouldn't. I'm scared of what it will become, or is becoming.

I have a great community around me. I could open up and ask for help, but none of them will know what to say or do. None of them know what it's like.

I know other friends who are struggling with eating disorders openly. I want to talk about it with them, but they are thinner than me. If I trigger them, they will continue to lose weight and I won't be able to catch up.

What an ugly, wretched person I am.

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how do you forgive yourself for overeating?
/u/smittenkitt3n
Created: Thu Jun 7 20:00:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pg2tr/how_do_you_forgive_yourself_for_overeating/
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I’ve been restricting lately, but since going on vacation, there has been so many tempting foods I’ve been wanting to eat, which means for the past few days, I’ve been hitting or even going over my TDEE!!

Just ate two slices of pizza and I feel AWFUL and fat as fuck. I’m terrified of gaining weight and I’m too scared to lookat the scale.

So, my question is.... what do you do when you overeat? How do you forgive yourself? My ED brain is freaking tf out :(

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Zig Zagging to break a plateau?
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Thu Jun 7 19:58:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pg27q/zig_zagging_to_break_a_plateau/
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Does anyone have any experience zig zagging with their intake to break a plateau? I've been eating <500cals for about 2 months now and have been steadily losing. I've been stuck at my CW for nearly a week now and it's driving my absolutely mad.

I feel like I haven't taken a shit in 10 years.

I'm 25 hours into a fast and googling this zig-zag theory, wondering if I can use it to validate a meal over 900cal. Help?

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if you start consistently gaining will happy scale ever predict an increase?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Thu Jun 7 19:55:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pg1kr/if_you_start_consistently_gaining_will_happy/
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Or stop predicting a loss?

Mainly asking bc I don't understand how it keeps giving me lower moving averages when I haven't lost and have in fact gained a few pounds.

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Please remind me not to eat
/u/saptashati
Created: Thu Jun 7 19:43:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pfyqw/please_remind_me_not_to_eat/
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I’ve been eating so much lately I need to not to eat as much. Like I just had 3 glasses of wine and that’s like 600 calorie and I already ate about 400 calories. Please tell me I cannot eat anymore today. Please tell me to be strong

The thing that people don’t realize is that is that I got to this weight by indulging every day and I just need to get to my goal by restricting a little every day. It’s just normal. My goal is in my mind, I’m going to achieve it. Help me get to thing I always wanted. I want it so bad.

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[Other] "That looks too small on you"
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Thu Jun 7 19:28:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pfuya/that_looks_too_small_on_you/
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All I hear is "you look fat in that outfit"

They mean well probably but damn

I post here too much

Now I really want to lose 15 pounds more than ever. I'm fucked up

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[Discussion] When I drink, I feel like I actually look thin and dare I say - hot? So I let myself eat that piece of pizza only to feel like a whale the next day. Anyone else?
/u/_notcreative
Created: Thu Jun 7 19:23:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pftoq/when_i_drink_i_feel_like_i_actually_look_thin_and/
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I wonder if how I see myself when I’ve been drinking is actually how I *really* look? Without the dysmorphia and self loathing - do I really look good?

This happens every time I’m even slightly buzzed. I start looking at myself in the mirror like I’m a freaking worthwhile human who actually looks good. ????

I don’t even know anymore. All I know is tonight I feel good, I’ll eat pizza and be confident, and tomorrow I’ll regret it and feel like a size 2 whale. I mean, on paper I guess I should technically be good looking but I am always convinced (when sober) that I’m disgusting and fat and flabby and embarrassing.

What the fuck.

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Just curious. What is the worst/strangest thing your ED has made you do?
/u/warmbagel53
Created: Thu Jun 7 19:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pfrds/just_curious_what_is_the_worststrangest_thing/
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[Rant/Rave] I literally want to crawl in a hole and come out when I weigh 100lbs
/u/kurtisskinny
Created: Thu Jun 7 18:58:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pfnna/i_literally_want_to_crawl_in_a_hole_and_come_out/
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I have a fucking music festival tmr so obvi you have to wear like shorts and shit that shows your body and I look so fucking fat and disgusting. All I see are how untoned my legs are, how fat my goddamn arms hurt. I have barely eaten all week but it doesn’t even matter. I’m fighting the urge to go and buy cigarettes rn (I haven’t smoked in over a month) because I know if I chain smoke tn it might make a difference if I don’t eat at all tmr and then do a bunch of drugs. Why did I ever stop restricting? Literally fuck recovery. Fuck calories. And especially fuck the bowl of werther caramels at my work.

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I just ate an entire pizza
/u/Darthvaderr13
Created: Thu Jun 7 18:52:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pfm1k/i_just_ate_an_entire_pizza/
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In the past 2 weeks I’ve been restricting myself to only water an 500 calories and I lost 5 pounds! But today my dad ordered us pizza. He always gets two mediums one for me and one for him since I’m a vegetarian and he likes meat on his pizza. Every time we get pizza I eat the entire thing because it’s easier for me to eat it all now than to have it sit in the refrigerator and him wondering why I didn’t eat the left overs. Every time I’ve felt so guilty but today I don’t feel too bad. I feel like I deserved it and for the next two weeks I’m going to restrict again. It’s just comforting knowing even if I binge I can I always do better starting now.

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Surprises pt. 2
/u/Firerose157
Created: Thu Jun 7 18:36:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pfhxc/surprises_pt_2/
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I've been given food today once more. It makes me uncomfortable, as I feel forced to put something in my body that I didn't ask for. I want to eat when I plan, instead of feeling I have to finish something out of pressure. I hate myself lol. Honestly every time I'm given food like this now, I get the urge to purge for the first time, even if I haven't ate, just because the stress is so intense. I won't, but man I just want to let this out.

Also, my partner makes me food sometimes and I'm normally fine with it because he's known me long enough to know my preferences and whatnot, but today I was given a chicken sandwich with onions like the tuna sandwich. Something I cannot bare, as onions in tuna sandwiches and the like make me genuinely gag unlike most other foods. Not sure why but he gave me that today (after turning down that tuna sandwich the other day), and now I feel like shit because I took one bite, felt the onions, and couldn't take it. It pissed me off knowing he knows me preference and yet he gave me the sandwich and without telling me, then when I realized he said there are only a few onions - I feel oversensitive and like shit but at the same time, he knows I can't handle it??

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Days since last purge: 0
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Thu Jun 7 18:32:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pfgum/days_since_last_purge_0/
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I wasn’t necessarily keeping track, but I realized yesterday it had been nearly 2 weeks since I’ve purged (I don’t really need a binge to trigger a purge, more so just eating anywhere close to maintenance/ outside of my safe foods does it).

Today started out pretty okay. It was my first day off from work in a week and I decided to have a fun non-restrictive day. Skipped breakfast, had a vegan sandwich and hummus takeout for lunch, had an actual ice cream cone later and didn’t feel guilty at all!

It hit about 5pm and I decided to have a bowl of cereal, which then turned into two. I felt so so so disgusting. I didn’t even feel stuffed, I just couldn’t handle not having painstakingly planned what I was about to eat (like I did with the sandwich and the ice cream) and so...I purged :/

Obviously restricting isn’t healthy but purging has some really horrible side effects along with being addictive as hell once you start. Don’t want to go down this path again, but I’m enjoying the power I feel from being empty :/

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Falling from balance
/u/BrainOnMars
Created: Thu Jun 7 18:31:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pfgty/falling_from_balance/
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I'm a problematic person regarding my ability to do things with balance, I have the tendency to go for the extremes. I'm not special, most people are like me, it's common and easier than using moderation, sadly. I just can't find a balance point, in every thing I do in life. Food is the same. I've always been a fat guy, then, one day, I went on a diet (being a nervous eater I wes really overweight). It was one of those stupid proteic and super restricting ones, and well, after the initial struggle, I found myself to be very good at it. I lost 10kg, I stopped it for a bit, I went for it again and lost another 10kg. I was at the lower threshold of regular weight by then. Then, since people were telling me I looked nearly ill, a bit too thin, even if I didn't recognize that at all (and you see where that would have gone) I lost my enthusiasm and I stopped it. But then, without my internal sense of duty toward restriction and the good feeling of it, I started to nervously eat again, bingeing and fattening again. Horrified, I went again on a diet, same thing, months of low calories intake, no fats, only a few carbohydrates, and again, I reached the threshold of a sane weight, and again my family advised me against continuing with it. You can imagine, I snapped back again, but after incurring in a dark phase of my life, I didn't reach the stop line and I went overboard, coming back to my initial weight before all of this.

Now, my problem is that I hate being fat, and I don't only eat if I'm nervous, I become nervous if I don't eat. But I don't want to be an anorexic. Or better, I'd want to be, but I logically recognize how stupid that is and still if someone would offer me to wake up underweight and with a repulsion toward eating, I would subscribe it. It's idiotic of me, but I can't help my inner feelings. Sadly I feel so bad about my condition to crave another terrible one.

The fact is that I can't find my balance point, and if I go on a diet again I will again eat not enough food for too much time until I will look bad without even noticing, and this time I could go all the way down, I risked it the previous times, but if I don't do it I risk to fatten even more.

I don't know what to do because I feel so out of control, I can only choose a direction and go all the way until I crash against something and then I turn and go full speed in the other direction

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[Rant/Rave] Feeling disgusting, lonely and dumb
/u/Tonilier
Created: Thu Jun 7 18:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pfbhx/feeling_disgusting_lonely_and_dumb/
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This is just a general rant about how I feel like utter shit right now, I just need somewhere to vent and die- After a mental breakdown down 2 weeks ago, I figured I was getting my life back on track but haha no of course not. Over the week recovery period me and my boyfriend didn't talk much because I didn't have the mental energy to talk, I communicated this to him and he said he'd give me some space till I felt up for it. Once I was out and 'getting my life on track' I said I was up for talking again etc but we've just been really distant, he doesn't respond to me much, any conversations or interactions in general we have felt stilted and kinda,, off? For example when we say bye at the end of the school day he knows i like to kiss him goodbye so he waits for me (yeah I know sappy blah blah I feel too crappy to be embarrassed) but today he didn't wait, he just walked off and didn't even seem to acknowledge my existence?? I just feel like I'm just completely sidelined to his other friends and hobbies and stuff. This has caused me to once again fall back into starving myself for the last week until earlier when I binge ate around 1000 calories of cereal (I'm too scared to count exactly how much) and I just feel disgusting, fat and unlovable, but it did give me a wake up call that I most definitely wasn't on track rn. I know I should just talk to him but I just feel so petty and like I'm just being an oversensitive cry baby who wants all his attention on me, idk I just feel awful and alone and I have no one to talk to, sorry for the rant and thanks if you read all this junk.

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Spinning out of control can’t stop binging
/u/Jtgonc
Created: Thu Jun 7 18:03:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pfa7p/spinning_out_of_control_cant_stop_binging/
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Snack suggestions for weird problem
/u/dido_and-zdenka
Created: Thu Jun 7 18:02:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pf9yn/snack_suggestions_for_weird_problem/
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Ok, so, I'm in recovery (about 5 months in yay!though there was a major relapse phase in the middle of that). During recovery I have developed the unfortunate problem of frequently waking up in the middle of the night SO hungry and can't sleep unless I eat, sometimes multiple times a night if I undereat during the day. It's like my body has developed an override button to counter restriction during the day. Oddly enough I didn't have this problem when in fully active ED (found it hard to get to sleep due to hunger but slept through until morning once asleep), but, bodies are weird. Atm I'm having to cope with this just by eating a satiating small snack in order to go back to sleep.

My go to so far has been soy yogurt, a major safe food of mine and high in protein so makes me fuller faster. My problem is that I'm about to get on tour with my choir, and won't have a fridge any more soon! So can't do that anymore. I'll also sometimes be sharing a room so need a snack that's not noisy to eat so I don't wake others up if I do need to eat and thus expose my night eating habits.

So: need a snack that's filling, obviously not too high calorie and preferably with protein, vegan, quiet to eat and doesn't need to be refrigerated (can just keep in my suitcase). That's such an awkward list of requirements but if anyone will have good ideas I bet you guys will? The only idea I've had so far is bananas- but, no protein, and they're also somewhat a fear food for me.

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[Help] How many calories does air frying things add? Unsure whether or not to get one.
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Thu Jun 7 18:01:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pf9tp/how_many_calories_does_air_frying_things_add/
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How do i work out without actually working out?
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Thu Jun 7 17:55:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pf8ey/how_do_i_work_out_without_actually_working_out/
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I work full time at a law firm which has been GREAT for restricting. But i know i still need to have some sort of activity...which i dont.

What are some simple things you do to make sure you burn some extra calories?

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[Rant/Rave] The Hate on Taylor Swift’s Weight
/u/KrystalJngg
Created: Thu Jun 7 17:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pf7un/the_hate_on_taylor_swifts_weight/
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https://i.redd.it/vy28x3nq2o211.jpg

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[Discussion] Restriction and periods
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Thu Jun 7 17:21:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pf088/restriction_and_periods/
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Hey everybody, just wanna start a discussion thread about our experiences with cycles and ease of restriction. Anyone who gets their periods (or used to get their periods) can join, and I’d love your opinions on this.

I’d always figured that I binged more during my period, and I suppose I did – my consumption of chocolate and candy would become astronomical and I would in part justify it with, “well I’m bleeding out in a pretty unsavoury way at the moment and also I’m supposed to be cranky anyway”.

A few months ago I relapsed (I suppose) and went back to calorie counting. Since then I’ve realized that I actually eat the least and fast the longest when on my period. Real “danger lands” is the week immediately after, and sometimes the week before. I’m normally very impulsive, and am quite susceptible to high binges, but somehow in these last few months I’ve been exercising a miraculous level of self control. Yesterday I had 90 minutes of intense yoga and worked on my feet all day, and did a 24 hour fast, but somehow ended under 500. (Some of y’all probably think I’m a fatass but like, this is almost a record for me). The day before I was at my TDEE (and my limit is two thirds of it, so like I was 50% above my limit). The day before that I was at straight up 3000. Guess when my period started.

I’m going to look up why this might be when I get home, but it’s genuinely odd to me that I’m able to restrict so much better considering how much worse I feel right now. I walked into a wall thinking it was a door twice today. I fell off my chair almost because I felt that wobbly. I feel like I’m freezing my tits off and I know good would help me feel less cold. Yet I somehow still ate less than I have almost all month. Anyone else have similar/different experiences?

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[Rant/Rave] When you realize that your dream perfect body is literally inside of you and all you have to do is absolutely nothing to get to it...
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Thu Jun 7 17:10:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pexqh/when_you_realize_that_your_dream_perfect_body_is/
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What a slap in the face and drop kick to the jaw.

Hello perfect body, you are inside of me. Just sitting there. Chillin. Hope your having fun. If I want to get to you I need to do nothing aka just don’t over eat. It’s that simple. I am fat, roughly 30 pounds over weight, and I just need to eat less to get to my perfect body. Not even dangerously less. I just need to eat normally and stop over eating. Because you are in there.

How fan freakin tactic is it that my dream body is inside of me, I have to do literally nothing to achieve it, just exist, and it is STILL impossible and seems so hard and distant. Lovely. Great. Sigh.

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"You must have a skinny husband"
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Thu Jun 7 17:09:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pexhs/you_must_have_a_skinny_husband/
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My mother, earlier today, dropped off a stray cat we rescued at Haven Humane to be spayed. This afternoon, i tagged along to pick her up.

We sit down to wait and the old man beside us looks over, and says

"Is this your daughter?"

to which we nodded.

And then, he says, "You must have a skinny husband, then!"

As we left with the cat, he called out the door "Gotta feed her more 'taters and sausage!"

The look on her face, as well as the comment, made my day.

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I felt the most confident at my worst
/u/Bookeisha
Created: Thu Jun 7 16:45:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8perfj/i_felt_the_most_confident_at_my_worst/
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I keep looking back at pics of myself at my LW. My eating habits then were unhealthy as hell which directly reflected on my mental state. I was feeling completely delusional, paranoid and dissocatiated 24/7; but the fact remains that I felt so *confident*. I was finally doing something right and it showed...

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[Other] Something happened last night that makes me feel like I probably need help. But I still can’t ask for it.
/u/catstille
Created: Thu Jun 7 16:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8peqmu/something_happened_last_night_that_makes_me_feel/
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I initially posted this as a comment in the weekly support thread, but with how long it is I thought I should just make a post.

Currently I’m nearing the end of my second week in rehab.

Apparently, there was an issue with the central air conditioning, where it would reset during the night. This would make me wake up feeling really cold and I would have to go tell the night nurses to turn my room back to the usual 25 degrees (Celsius). I asked the afternoon nurses to please stress to the night nurses to remember to check it (which they say they were).

Anyway, I swear this story is going somewhere.

The night before last was extremely bad. I woke up multiple times freezing and my bones aching. I need medication to sleep in the first place, so after a few times waking up eventually I just couldn’t get back to sleep.

I had a terrible day due to this. I lost my appetite completely so I didn’t eat which probably made things worse.

My PTSD symptoms were really bad. Unexpected noises, movement, everything was making me jump. By the afternoon I was in tears and practically pleading with the nurse at the medication station how badly I needed the night nurses to be aware of the problem and stay on top of it. My favourite nurse came to talk to me and he said he would talk to the night staff about it, and that next time I needed it turned up, to just press the call button by my bed rather than going to the nurses station.

ANYWAY, here is what has gotten me here posting this long ass context.

I woke up again last night (currently it’s around 8am). I was freezing. I have about 10 blankets on my bed and a hot water bottle, plus thick socks, leggings and a long sleeve and a jacket.

I press the call button.

The nurses come.. and they say the room isn’t cold. They say they have been checking the room temperature and the max is set to 28 degrees and the min set to the same. That it hasn’t reset.

It’s me. I can’t seem to retain heat. As soon as the hot water bottle turns cold, I must wake up. I was also aware I’d been sweating which usually means I’d had a nightmare.

I got up and was finding it hard to walk. I was stumbling. I refilled my hot water bottle. Then I pressed the call button for the nurse in the living area as I felt so weak I was gonna collapse.

He did my obs. My blood pressure was fine, surprisingly (this always slightly triggers me), but my temperature was 34 degrees Celsius. Cold. He said it looks like I haven’t been eating, when’s the last time I ate? I couldn’t say that I’d hardly eaten yesterday. That I told myself I deserved some chocolate when it was nighttime and we were watching a movie. That I purged it all up till I was retching nothing but spit into the toilet.

He had to walk me back to my room. I was stumbling. I felt so weak. I feel so weak.

I’m just... sort of hit with the fact that this whole time it’s been me. Even with all these things trying to keep me warm, im still cold to the bone.

It’s making me think I need more help. Idk. Idk idk. I don’t feel sick enough for help.

But I am starting to see the back of my pelvis bones in the mirror now. I can see these things. I can see the lanugo on my face. I see it.

But my blood pressure is still fine. I’m awaiting results on a blood test today to check my liver function (due to the overdose and abuse of drugs) and my iron among other things.

Maybe if it’s bad. Maybe ill seek help. But I don’t know.

I’m sorry. I just had to get this out there.

---

[Intro] Friends with/friends who have had ed are the best
/u/FitCelery3
Created: Thu Jun 7 15:58:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pef3c/friends_withfriends_who_have_had_ed_are_the_best/
---
Hi, if this is not allowed then please forgive me mods and delete my post. I've met ed friends through Instagram in Miami and they are still two of my best friends. Now I live in DC. If you're in dc, pm me? Ok sorry that is all <3

---

[Help] how annoying is lose it about ed behavior?
/u/serketcircuit
Created: Thu Jun 7 15:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pedaj/how_annoying_is_lose_it_about_ed_behavior/
---
i got sick of mfp a long time ago, but i also want to use a calorie tracking app again, and lose its specific date estimates are really motivating. how much does lose it bug you when you eat under 1200 calories? is there anything else i should know about it?

---

[Help] Does binging/purging as part of a ‘self regulating behaviour’ count as an ED?
/u/mina1200
Created: Thu Jun 7 15:42:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pean2/does_bingingpurging_as_part_of_a_self_regulating/
---
I saw a new therapist today who told me that my b/p was a part of reactive regulatory behaviour to my sexual assault. (Essentially binging so I don’t have to deal with any of my feelings and then purging after). Does this mean I don’t have an ED???

---

[Discussion] Medication is destroying my appetite, anyone else?
/u/xxxanon1117
Created: Thu Jun 7 15:29:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pe751/medication_is_destroying_my_appetite_anyone_else/
---
My appetite has been non existent lately. I'm barely ever getting hungry. The new med (for depression) i'm on has cause acid reflux and a little nausea so maybe that's it? When I was drinking water earlier my upper abdomen hurt. Has that ever happened to anyone else when restricting? Just kind of a general post because I'm a lil afraid of what's happening and what I do to myself, but I bought a bikini and go on vacation next month, so...

---

[Rant/Rave] I hate my job
/u/hmptrw
Created: Thu Jun 7 15:22:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pe585/i_hate_my_job/
---
I’m in the middle of an 8 hour shift, we’re working until 2AM recording stock so food has been provided for us, but I can’t eat in front of people and the canteen is full so I’ve come to the locker room to sit in the quiet and it’s fine.

Until one of the supervisors bursts in demanding (literally shouting) to know why I haven’t eaten the food that was ordered for me, I said I’d already eaten which I had, so they called back into the canteen “she’s already eaten, and she’s gone bright red in here!”

Everyone who works here is so loud and I’m really not, I can hear them laughing at me now and I just want to cry. 3 and a half more hours of this shit.

---

[Other] Made a peach!! 🍑
/u/deepdiccpizza
Created: Thu Jun 7 15:16:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pe3cr/made_a_peach/
---
Add me @vaporwavedepression! I have no idea how to use it also lol... but I'd love to chat with y'all 😊

---

[Rant/Rave] Well there goes my ability to eat ever again!
/u/mild-rose
Created: Thu Jun 7 14:57:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pdy25/well_there_goes_my_ability_to_eat_ever_again/
---
So I’m casually seeing this guy, and last night we had done a lot of coke and had just finished having sex. He was grabbing onto my hipbone and stroking it, so I commented that he must really like my hipbone. His response?

“I just really like protruding bones. I just think they’re sexy.”

Sooooo between the cocaine and that comment I’m never eating again! Great!

---

Potassium Hunting
/u/untroubledbyaspark
Created: Thu Jun 7 14:53:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pdwrk/potassium_hunting/
---
Hello lovelies,

I'm always way under my potassium goals for the day, but pretty much have everything else balanced out. Most of what turns up when I search for sources of potassium are calorie bombs (yeah like I'm going to eat a fucking banana. Fuck off Google) that would force me to cut back on something else, messing up my otherwise nice green Cronometer bars for everything else.

What are y'alls low cal potassium sources? Also I'm in Canada and can't seem to source potassium chloride without paying an arm and a leg for online ordering. Sources for that welcome, I am near a big city but have struck out with every health food store and pharmacy I've tried.

---

[Help] I'm Losing Control Completely
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Thu Jun 7 14:42:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pdtg2/im_losing_control_completely/
---
My ED is getting worse and worse. I feel hopeless, lost, and alone. This subreddit is all I have. Last night, I lost control of everything. I had been restricting so well and gotten down to my lowest adult weight yet. I ate 1000 calories yesterday, up until around 8pm. I don't know what came over me. This is what happened:

•I binged on 4 brownies, a whole pint of Halo Top, half a bag of chips, and popcorn.
•I purged everything I could. (Normally I dont purge, I only restrict).
•20 minutes later, I binged again. Repeat the purge. I try to stop myself.
•I BINGED AGAIN AND I COULDNT PURGE A THIRD TIME.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I was doing so well. I don't even want to think about the damage I've done to my throat and teeth.

It's almost 5PM and I've only EC stacked and taken my multivitamin. I just got to work to find out my manager quit so I'm alone. I am losing control of my life. Help me please. I'm 24 and a failure.

---

[Tip] motivation not to binge
/u/kurtisskinny
Created: Thu Jun 7 14:38:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pdsb0/motivation_not_to_binge/
---
I hope I've flared this correctly, I'm new to this sub but posting here is giving me life. anyway, I recently realized that just sitting in front of a mirror can be great motivation not to binge, I personally find that I either find momentum in my progress or looking at how unhappy with I am motivates me to keep going (fasting). Idk if anyone else can relate or has done this, ill do it for as long as it takes for the urge to go away, and if it comes back I will return to the mirror. thats all, for now. I'm currently really trying to fight a binge myself because I have a weekend away with friends starting tmr and ill be damned if im gonna feel fatter than I have to in my shorts

---

[Other] Season 2 of Riverdale just got a little personal
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Thu Jun 7 14:34:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pdr58/season_2_of_riverdale_just_got_a_little_personal/
---
https://i.redd.it/fjvjrai63n211.jpg

---

I reached my UGW ahhh!!
/u/orchia
Created: Thu Jun 7 14:27:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pdp3h/i_reached_my_ugw_ahhh/
---
I legit screamed when I saw the scale lmao. I didn't even think I'd get under 116 this week but I weighed in at 114.8 lbs today??

Sorry I'm literally so happy rn and I had to share. Five months of restricting really paid off, I'm not 100% happy with my body but I definitely don't mind staying at this weight.

Now comes actually maintaining though, yikes 😬 (I have it all planned out and everything but the thought is still scary)

---

[Discussion] anyone else use kpop idols as thinspo?
/u/fizzyvelvet
Created: Thu Jun 7 14:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pdn1t/anyone_else_use_kpop_idols_as_thinspo/
---
sometimes, when i'm struggling during a fast, i'll look at pictures of lisa from blackpink and it encourages me to lose more

---

why do i feel so guilty?
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Thu Jun 7 14:05:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pdiy3/why_do_i_feel_so_guilty/
---
literally have a 1600 calorie deficit as i’m writing this and i’m planning to work out tonight (about 800 calories burned), which would put me on a 2400 calorie deficit... but then why do i feel so guilty? somehow i feel like i’m cheating because i ate 3 meals, even though they were a combined total of 750 calories. life is weird. ramble on.

---

about to start birth control (the pill) and scared of the weight gain side effect
/u/i-want-to-be-little
Created: Thu Jun 7 13:41:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pdbxl/about_to_start_birth_control_the_pill_and_scared/
---
My doctor said it’ll increase cravings and that’s what usually causes the weight gain but the it can be managed away through diet/exercise. Anyone have experiences with the pill and continuing to lose weight that they’d like to share?

---

Update: I'm *not* going to jail. Case dropped.
/u/_comethrowawaywithme
Created: Thu Jun 7 13:24:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pd6v7/update_im_not_going_to_jail_case_dropped/
---
I haven't felt this good in weeks. I had two serious charges against me (including assault on an officer) and I was dreading the outcome. I have never been in trouble before and I could only afford a public defender. I had no idea what to expect and the only information she could give me before we met in court was, "the maximum penalty would carry a year in jail and three years probation... if you're sentenced I'll fight to get community service and probation..." and I cried. I didn't even do anything wrong -- I was the victim!

For weeks I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat (I do miss the lack of appetite... but I don't miss the anxiety!)

The big day came Tuesday and I expected to pass out in the courtroom. Luckily the officer who arrested me with excessive force wasn't there to testify or stare daggers into my back. My attorney did an incredible job representing me and explaining my version of events to the judge. She warned me beforehand: he is a strict one. We might not get the results we want. Be prepared.

Well, the judge was a staunch old man, exactly as I pictured him. But he ended up apologizing to me on behalf of the officer. He understood where my actions were misunderstood. He dropped the charges. I think I skipped out of the courtroom with a basket full of flower petals and threw handfuls at every person I passed. I was walking on clouds!

For the first time in weeks I can sleep, I can eat. And boy, did I... Tuesday threw me off the rails. My boyfriend and I rewarded ourselves like dogs with .50 cones from McDeathHouse and I slept for like 18 hours. I gained back 2 out of the 6 lbs I've lost this month back, but I am NOT continuing to go off-course...

I got another chance. I can't thank the stars enough.

---

[Discussion] I feel like everyone else on this sub is thinner than me and i'm a failure
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Thu Jun 7 13:14:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pd3nv/i_feel_like_everyone_else_on_this_sub_is_thinner/
---
I love this sub

People are so supportive and they understand my struggles like no one in my real life possibly can. I feel like most people on here are just on average a lot smaller than I am. I know it isn't a competition but I just feel like shit sometimes because I am not as small as I wish I was. Don't get me wrong, I support people of all sizes wherever they are in their ED journey whether it be relapse, recovery or somewhere in the middle.

I just feel like I am a failure because I come on an ED sub and post a ton and in my head I am not sick and don't have an ED just because lots of people weigh less than I do on here. UGH. I am sorry about this just had to vent.

---

Tracking macros
/u/Poopoodemons
Created: Thu Jun 7 13:07:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pd1vj/tracking_macros/
---
I’ve recently started tracking my macros because I’ve been feeling very sluggish, low energy and sad/anxious. Decided to up my protein and start actively tracking macros. I aim for 35p/50c/15f because I read somewhere that ratio was good for fat loss. Ever since I increased my protein I’ve felt great, so much more energy and it helps with the hunger immensely. Anyone else find that more protein keeps them full longer?

---

[Rant/Rave] My weight went up im so mad lol
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Thu Jun 7 13:07:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pd1pv/my_weight_went_up_im_so_mad_lol/
---
I binged Monday and I weighed in today, 62 hours into this fast, 2lbs up. I know it's probably water and potentially muscle being built finally? I forgot to pack my measuring tape and haven't been using them anyway. My stomach LOOKS a little smaller, I think? The original fasting goal was 100 hours because I've been doing alternate day fasting to work my way back up since I binged after my first 60 hour fast. I want to go past the 60. I don't think I can lie my way to 100, but I think I could make it a little past 78, and I'd be really satisfied with that tbh. I really just want to fast until my abs are visible, I'm tired of this plateau.

I feel like a huge fake because I feel like I could just stop extended fasting, go back to a normal IF window, and eat 1200-1500 a day. I could continue alt day fast in a healthy way. I like my body and I'm fine if the weight loss progress has to be slow. I could eat at any time right now. How dare I say I have a problem? There are people in so much worse shape than me. I'm fake as fuck and it's embarrassing and shameful. I feel like even saying I "recovered" and that this is a "relapse" is stupid because I wasn't even bad in high school. I couldn't go past 3 days, I didn't exercise enough, I didn't purge right, it didn't last that long before I fell into recovery circles and got better.

Hell I could even just fast like a normal person and not make it a weird thing. I dreamed I binged last night. I'm not hungry. My muscles are sore but I didn't go for a run this morning. I keep thinking I can't, in this state, but I think I'm just making excuses. I'd burn so much more in this heat, I should at least go for a walk if I can't jog. The cardio would wake me up. Tuesday was my rest day, it's too soon for another.

I don't know what's wrong with me lol

---

LOOK WHO IS BACK (also drunk)
/u/spiNACHOcolate2
Created: Thu Jun 7 12:47:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pcvtr/look_who_is_back_also_drunk/
---
Hi everyone. I am back. Nacho has returned.

I took a "recovery" hiatus which was successful enough to allow me to convince my caring friends to give me back my running trainers, but I am still maintaining a BMI of just under 17.

Do you know how easy it is to convince people you're "recovering" when you try hard enough? My god, it's so easy - I just proclaimed the wonders of avocado and goat's cheese, ate one 100 calorie crumpet per running day and glorified oatmeal as my "recovery" successes. (I haven't eaten porridge in about 4 months so I lie)

I feel relatively failed on both sides though - on the anorexic side I am eating far too much (300 calorie breakfast, apple + milked/sweetened coffee for lunch, 200 calorie dinner + a fuck tonne of gin and diet tonic); on the "recovery" side I am eating so few carbs and am still very restrictive and inhibitive. (I has 50 calories of soup and one bell pepper for dinner and refuse to stock any food in the fridge or otherwise)

My university have enrolled me sneakily into the MANTRA programme, I don't think it'll bode well with my particularly obstinate personality. I don't actually want to gain weight because (a) I am really fucking fat; (b) my face is much better thinner; (c) people think I'm "recovering" well; (d) I have the most wonderful boyfriend who loves me for who I am. At this "plateau" people think I'm well and are liking me: they wouldn't like fat me, fat me is a bastard. Since uni is off for summer I'm working; my job is physically taxing (housekeeping / physics internship) with means burning calories like crazy; the other day my boss said "thank god you're working in this place and not *** because everyone loses weight there - you'd die within a week" - It was a compliment. I'm also in training for a half marathon: the other day I ran a race and came 18/380 despite taking a 11 week break from running to "recover"; I'm pretty alright when running is concerned.

I'm still 170cm, and 49kg. My next goal is 45kg. I'm determined to drop it relatively quickly and have plan in place to do so. I don't know what I actually want to achieve. My first GW was 53kg and now I'm here; I kind of want to be emaciated, I guess. I'll be loved when I'm skinny.

Y'know it sounds weird - I have such a thin and desirable body: you cn see my abs, my thigh gap is bigger than the width of the Amazon, my ribs protrude as clearly as an english student in a maths class. I still have more to go. It's weird that I am thin but I'm not.

But hey, here I am again. I am glad to be with u all again.

Pls add me to group chat if that's still going.

Love, Nacho xoxox

---

[Rant/Rave] Stressed
/u/Stevonnie4ever
Created: Thu Jun 7 12:14:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pcltd/stressed/
---
First time posting on this sub. Been extremely stressed out this week because I can't seem to control my binges and the last few days no matter how long I try purging for I can't bring up anything. And I'm freaking out, because I can feel the weight starting again and I worked so hard to keep it off, well, until the binges started back up two weeks ago. I'm frustrated and don't know what to do. Maybe my esophagus just needs a break for a few days? I don't know, but I'm getting the urge to use laxatives again and I swore to myself I wouldn't go back, but I've broken promises before...

---

[Rant/Rave] Turning 30. FML.
/u/VigilantDiscipline
Created: Thu Jun 7 12:07:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pcjj7/turning_30_fml/
---
My flair lies \-\- I'm not 30 yet, but will be next week.

Turning 30 has been the strongest trigger for me recently in terms of restricting. I feel this horrible, desperate need to be in control. Where do I fit in a society that values women who are young, thin, attractive? I see none of those things in the mirror. I'm far past my prime. But if I can mold myself into something the world accepts, I can somehow "win" my birthday.

Does your birthday trigger you? How do you cope?

---

On the edge
/u/Arc_cake
Created: Thu Jun 7 11:55:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pcg33/on_the_edge/
---
DAE feel mostly normal, and can go long periods of time with eating like a regular human being, but then slip up, accidentally look at the calorie information, step on a scale "because I haven't had ED thoughts in a while", or start challenging yourself at the gym, which just goes until you're there for hours, and you can FEEL yourself on the edge of the deep end. But I mean, it's not disordered because you were fine for so long, and aren't consumed by the thoughts yet, it's just "taking better care of yourself". It's like a liminal space between being recovered and disordered again, just hovering, waiting to see which side you fall on.

But I mean, I'm still fine, right?

---

[Discussion] What are your weird non ED related food habits?
/u/habeas-corpses
Created: Thu Jun 7 11:47:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pcdhy/what_are_your_weird_non_ed_related_food_habits/
---
Just curious! Ex: When I’m cutting strawberries, I always take the little core out.

---

[Rant/Rave] im so tired of losing the same ten pounds
/u/morphinechasers
Created: Thu Jun 7 11:46:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pcd66/im_so_tired_of_losing_the_same_ten_pounds/
---
it seems like no matter how little i eat, no matter how often i exercise, its the same ten pounds going on and off. i drink my water, i do what i should. its not fair and im pissed lmao.

---

Stressed
/u/Stevonnie4ever
Created: Thu Jun 7 11:45:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pccwr/stressed/
---
First time posting on this sub. Been extremely stressed out this week because I can't seem to control my binges and the last few days no matter how long I try purging for I can't bring up anything. And I'm freaking out, because I can feel the weight starting again and I worked so hard to keep it off, well, until the binges started back up two weeks ago. I'm frustrated and don't know what to do. Maybe my esophagus just needs a break for a few days? I don't know, but I'm getting the urge to use laxatives again and I swore to myself I wouldn't go back, but I've broken promises before...

---

[Help] My disorder is escalating and it’s scaring me
/u/_what_the_truck
Created: Thu Jun 7 11:22:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pc62k/my_disorder_is_escalating_and_its_scaring_me/
---
I could use some advice. My disorder is slipping out of my control. Sorry in advance for the long winded rant.


This isn’t my first go around. A couple years ago I fell totally down the rabbit hole and got to 100 pounds, lost my period, took diet pills that gave me migraines, etc etc. Losing my period scared me enough to recover, but I’ve been relapsing recently. I’m living in a new country and communicating in 2 languages that aren’t my mother tongue and it’s stressful as hell.

I just did my first solo travel trip ever and my disorder totally fucked it. It was a good trip otherwise but I water fasted three and a half days then binged two then fasted two then had some of the worst, craziest binges of my life, like 4500+ calories that left me feeling physically like death. I spent all my time obsessing about food and weight and couldn’t enjoy myself when fasting (fasting makes my mood low no matter what). I hit some emotional lows that disturbed me and had some come to Jesus moments. It was the closest I’ve come to passing out in public.

Now I’m back and starting a new job on top of my old one and moving into a new apartment and the stress is murdering me. I’m also fasting for Ramadan but since I got back from this trip I keep cheating and binging when I’m alone during the day.

I’m obsessing about calories and weight again and the worst part is that I’m actually happy with my body right now. My boyfriend loves my body and can’t get enough of it, I get hit on and girls tell me they’re jealous of me. I like how I look in most clothes.

Why the fuck am I sabotaging myself. I don’t want this disorder, I hate it so much. How do I get away from obsession and binge restrict cycles.

---

What tools or apps do you use to track restricting?
/u/PM_ME_USEFUL_ADVICE
Created: Thu Jun 7 11:09:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pc1z5/what_tools_or_apps_do_you_use_to_track_restricting/
---
I use myfitnesspal, but I feel like there's a lot out there I should explore. Thanks for your input

---

Thank y’all
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Thu Jun 7 11:03:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pc0gn/thank_yall/
---
I just wanted to say a quick thank you of all the amazing support you guys gave me yesterday. This community is so welcoming and loving towards each other. Y’all are the best 💜

---

The perpetual paradox of an ED
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Thu Jun 7 10:58:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pbyoo/the_perpetual_paradox_of_an_ed/
---
I just want to stop b/p and dumb restriction that prevents me from doing the things I want to, but I cannot bear the thought of gaining fat or not having control.

Lol fuck this disorder, seriously. My therapist said it’s like having an abusive spouse living in your head and it’s so true. 😩

---

[Help] Just had an epiphany and wondering if you guys can help
/u/th3Y3ti
Created: Thu Jun 7 10:48:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pbvr1/just_had_an_epiphany_and_wondering_if_you_guys/
---
So I just realized that I think part of the reason I have trouble sticking to my restricting and end up binging pretty much as soon as the weekend hits is that it just takes too long for me to see results, so I just end up thinking “fuck this what’s the point” and decide to eat a ton of garbage. I’ve always been very bad at holding out for goals, I have adhd and I think that’s definitely be part of it. Why wait for a reward that I won’t get for a few weeks (ie actually seeing a change in my body) when I can just give myself a reward right now (ie eating an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s, some pizza, and a million other horrible/amazing things)?

So I’m wondering, can you guys think of any way I can indulge my need for instant gratification that will align with my restriction goals?

---

measurement goals?
/u/band-aide
Created: Thu Jun 7 10:30:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pbq3y/measurement_goals/
---
back years ago when i first developed my ED, i only cared about my weight and never measured my bust/waist/hips but i do it very often now. i'm constantly fighting the fluctations of my weight but i can't handle how big my waist size is when i'm bloated. the other day it was like 28 inches and luckily after some fasting i'm back at 26. i was pretty fucking freaked out though. last year when i got down to 117 lbs i was 24 inches and i miss it so bad. does anyone else here obsess over measurement goals? i can't be the only one lol! i want to be at 32-23-34 but right now i'm at 34-26-36. i just want a really tiny waist ;-; my non-disordered friend weighs more than me but she has such a tiny, 24-inch waist. anybody else want to share their goals?

---

I haven't felt self-loathing in over a month
/u/lead-by-example
Created: Thu Jun 7 09:44:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pbc9v/i_havent_felt_selfloathing_in_over_a_month/
---
... according to my journal. What happened is I moved in with my girlfriend, am no longer spending most of my life alone in a basement. And simply this has caused a massive improvement in my eating patterns. Who knows maybe a binge is around the corner. But this feels like real progress.

---

And on this episode of weird shit my ED made me do...
/u/sadgab_
Created: Thu Jun 7 09:27:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pb79n/and_on_this_episode_of_weird_shit_my_ed_made_me_do/
---
I had a 15 minute break during my 3 hour summer school lecture and I spent it in the bathroom doing jumping jacks cause I was freaking out about my weight and the fact that I didn’t get to exercise before class and that I was gonna sit sedentary for those 3 hours so now here I am doing jumping jacks in a public bathroom hoping no one walks in....good times

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Calories in canned soup
/u/MaleficentMuffin
Created: Thu Jun 7 09:05:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pb12o/calories_in_canned_soup/
---
hi guys, throwaway account because i usually just lurk here but today i have a super serious question to ask lmao

im really craving this canned vegetable soup right now but it has like 350 calories. does anyone know how much of that is just in the water? i dont mind draining the water and just eating the vegetables but im not sure how many calories that will actually save me :[ any guesses?

its some unknown european brand, just canned soup with vegetables in it

---

I was officially diagnosed with an ED today
/u/shonamairead
Created: Thu Jun 7 08:47:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pavva/i_was_officially_diagnosed_with_an_ed_today/
---
I feel happy and sad. I know this is a result of childhood trauma and I’m happy I will be receiving help, but at the same time I enjoy the feeling of control I get from my ED.

---

Plateauing at higher weight
/u/myfatmakesmelookfat
Created: Thu Jun 7 08:42:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8paum2/plateauing_at_higher_weight/
---
Hey guys. So I’m going a little crazy dealing with a plateau; it’s totally my fault that I’m not losing more weight, but it’s still extremely frustrating. I try to remind myself that I’m still a lower weight than I was before, which I’m maintaining. But seeing the scale stay in the same pound fluctuation is maddening.

Should I stop weighing myself? Would that motivate me more? I keep ending up out with friends and letting myself slip up.

What are your experiences with weighing ever day vs. not weighing every day? Did it keep you on track? Or if it didn’t, why not?

---

Bulimia and morning weight? Food or dehydration
/u/belle_gry
Created: Thu Jun 7 08:21:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8paotk/bulimia_and_morning_weight_food_or_dehydration/
---
When you weigh yourself after purging and you are at your pre binge weight... is it really all food? Because I think there’s still food in me because I haven’t seen some of it... I think that the weight loss is dehydration? Does anyone know if I’m right? Or maybe the food is mangled up in my belly so well it’s unrecognisable?

---

[Rant/Rave] Surgery
/u/klfet
Created: Thu Jun 7 08:00:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8paj0y/surgery/
---
I am having spine surgery next week. I had to have a customized brace to fit my torso. It is to be worn for 3 months while I heel post surgery. It is quite a big deal. The brace means I cannot gain nor lose any weight whatsoever because it has been custom built to fit me at my size NOW! This breaks my heart.

My life is going to be a mess & I am not sure how to handle it. Just needed to share with others who might understand what this means for me since I cannot count my calories for the next few months.

*I restricted so much until the day I was fitted so I can go off of that size for three month, but I’m not happy.*

---

[Other] Boss just caught me purging.
/u/PinkyOutYo
Created: Thu Jun 7 08:00:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8paixd/boss_just_caught_me_purging/
---
Shit.

---

[Other] i want to stop counting
/u/fluxoldrums
Created: Thu Jun 7 07:26:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8paaff/i_want_to_stop_counting/
---
i got baker acted and have been eating 3 meals and having snacks twice a day for about 5 days. no overeating and no undereating and i actually lost 2 pounds! i've been going to the bathroom as well and i feel overall healthier and i feel pretty good. i'm back home now though and i don't want to keep counting and restricting and binging but i'm scared not to? it was easier when someone just gave me food and i knew it was enough and i didn't care about counting really but now i have to think about everything and portions and what i eat and it's scary. i'm going to try my best though so hopefully i can stop counting and maybe just care more about nutrition

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I binged and I feel like a huge failure
/u/Whose_cat_is_that
Created: Thu Jun 7 07:25:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8paa5s/i_binged_and_i_feel_like_a_huge_failure/
---
After being so good for three months I went and ate literally every food item in my kitchen. I can feel myself gaining weight right now. I don’t deserve to be skinny if I can’t even control myself enough not to keep shovelling food into my fat face. Even as I’m writing this I’m still thinking about eating.

How can I distract myself long enough to not want to binge If I’m home alone all day??

---

I binge drank last night :(
/u/whats-the-point-ugh
Created: Thu Jun 7 07:24:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pa9o9/i_binge_drank_last_night/
---
My sister man. We got into a fight and she tried to block the door so I couldn't leave. And then tried to punch me when I tried to leave

I binge drank which is really unusual for me because I work in the morning and I need all the focus I can get. I didn't really eat at all other than 3 baby carrots and a slice of bread.

And all I can focus on is how shitty I feel. At least I woke up thinner. Maybe I'll dissapear and stop making people angry

---

[Help] Help?
/u/h6lpme
Created: Thu Jun 7 07:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pa8r2/help/
---
So yesterday for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to eat 1200 calories by eating 3 meals. Big yikes. I feel like absolute shit today and that’s just added on to the other things that are going wrong.
I gained like 2.5kg from this which I’m assuming is mainly food and water weight because you can’t gain that much that quickly, right?
Anyway I’m attempting to do some ‘damage control’, would fasting for 3 days and taking 1000mg green tea extract, drinking 4 litres of water and moderately exercising each day make up for eating 1200 calories yesterday?

---

We are not r/fatlogic
/u/versperalaxis
Created: Thu Jun 7 06:51:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8pa1i5/we_are_not_rfatlogic/
---
this type of thinking is SO harmful. i get it, being overweight/obese can cause serious issues. but so can being severely underweight, or even slightly! we know our risks just as much as the other side, so why are we shaming them?

i know we’re mostly struggling here, but try not to shame others, as we wouldn’t want people judging us (shouldn’t speak for others but you get the point).

---

clothes starting to fit differently
/u/kurtisskinny
Created: Thu Jun 7 06:43:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p9zod/clothes_starting_to_fit_differently/
---
this girl I work with today said she liked the pants I was wearing \- thing is ive been wearing these a bunch since I started here but they're starting to look a lot looser since fasting and/or sticking to OMAD \- funny how ppl notice you more

---

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support June 07, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 7 06:11:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p9sbg/weekly_emotional_support_june_07_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 07, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Jun 7 06:10:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p9s01/daily_food_diary_june_07_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 07, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

All this work and worry and obsession, for nothing.
/u/gingerding
Created: Thu Jun 7 05:39:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p9lbm/all_this_work_and_worry_and_obsession_for_nothing/
---
DAE feel like this? I put so much effort into working out and counting my calories and being sooo obsessed with what food I eat. Yet I still just look like an average weight slug. Idk I just feel like I hit a wall last night where I realized this might just be as good as it's going to get. Miserable.

---

[Tip] PRO TIP TIME WITH JESUS
/u/BroItsJesus
Created: Thu Jun 7 05:18:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p9h6r/pro_tip_time_with_jesus/
---
Okay, so have you ever wondered how many calories you burn daily before exercise? How much your body just naturally sets alight?

Well, wonder no more!

There's a simple equation:

**(9.99 x [weight in kilograms])+(6.25 x [height in centimetres])-(4.92 x [age])**

This equation gives you the closest known estimate in calories you burn daily with the natural functions of running your body.

#BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Wondering how many calories your common or garden squat will burn? Here's something to plug into the old calculator:

**[Weight in kilograms] x 0.096**

This is *approximately* what you burn with each squat in calories. I figured out it takes me around 4 squats to burn off a square of my favourite chocolate, so to be safe I'm doing 12 squats per square.

That's all I have for you guys, good luck in your weight loss endeavours!

---

[Discussion] dae feel like they can't eat unless they've worked out that day ?
/u/xxxrxrrv
Created: Thu Jun 7 05:06:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p9ewo/dae_feel_like_they_cant_eat_unless_theyve_worked/
---
one of the many reasons i switched to morning workouts before work, just in case i end up not having time to exercise later. i also think i'm overtraining a little, but my brain literally will not allow me to eat if i haven't 'earned' it by working out. le siiighh

---

[Help] How to make the Vyvanse appetite suppression work more?
/u/FitCelery3
Created: Thu Jun 7 05:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p9ej7/how_to_make_the_vyvanse_appetite_suppression_work/
---
I take a high dose, but it doesn't kill my appetite. It took away my binge habits for sure so I'm happy, but I'm still hungry on 60mg a day. That's crazy.

Currently I'm oil fasting and so I'm losing weight, but i would like to know what I can do to make Vyvanse work better for me re: appetite killing

---

6 donuts and a pot of macaroni.
/u/p-r-u-n-e
Created: Thu Jun 7 04:25:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p974w/6_donuts_and_a_pot_of_macaroni/
---
That was my yesterday. I have never felt more disgusted in myself than ever. I remember when I was proud of my well rounded restrictive diet but now I don’t know what creature I am anymore. Not even the “normal” diet is that extreme. I seem to eat everything in sight now and I don’t know what to do. I’m loosing it.

---

Blessed be to oatmeal, my one true safe food
/u/_thehotcheetodiet_
Created: Thu Jun 7 04:06:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p93n9/blessed_be_to_oatmeal_my_one_true_safe_food/
---
I. Fucking. Adore. Oatmeal.

I'm never not in the mood for it! It's so incredibly versatile- sweet, savory, hot, cold, cooked, raw... there's nothing oatmeal can't do.

For only 150 calories, I can actually feel **FULL** and satisfied after one serving. And I've never been tempted to binge on it like most foods, so I can buy it in bulk and feel so safe 💖

I can use stove cooked steel cut oats if I want to be fancy, or microwave some instant oata for a quick meal! And it's *actually sort of nutritious*

Oatmeal is literally the perfect food and I love it so much.

And another shoutout for oat bran! You fibrous fool you're almost as good as oatmeal. Almost.

---

Why can't I call in fat from work?
/u/im-nobody-too
Created: Thu Jun 7 03:46:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p9055/why_cant_i_call_in_fat_from_work/
---
Ugh I'm 112 pounds this morning up from 109.8 yesterday and I don't know if I can make it through the day without crying. Need someone to tell me it's okay and people aren't going to be judging me for being such a fat big.

Literally didn't binge or anything. Maybe my period is starting early.

---

[Discussion] Is anyone else very paranoid that the mcDonalds worker is actually giving you normal soda instead of Diet soda?
/u/alonlioak
Created: Thu Jun 7 02:17:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p8llt/is_anyone_else_very_paranoid_that_the_mcdonalds/
---
I can’t see them put it in, so they could out of absentmindedness or spite(ok maybe that’s a bit cynical), I could be actually drinking a large Coke with full calories on any given day.

Like..am I drinking 300-400 calories or <20? It tastes pretty goddamn sweet today. I should spare myself this kind of thinking (and money) by buying it in a supermarket instead but I want the WiFi so here I am

---

Most night I will randomly get up, look in the mirror, get disgusted with myself and start to workout in tears
/u/KaiTheBi
Created: Thu Jun 7 02:03:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p8j87/most_night_i_will_randomly_get_up_look_in_the/
---
The title but I want to know if this is normal? I am on my last week of the school year and I envy the other guys that are muscular and thin but, for about 3 hours almost every night I will start to work out with reps, flexibility, and cardio but I see no improvement. Can somebody help me with why I do this or if this is normal?

---

Fasting
/u/Crotchetylilkitten
Created: Thu Jun 7 02:01:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p8ire/fasting/
---
Has anyone here ever Dry fasted before? If so, how did it go?

---

skin pickers unite
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Thu Jun 7 01:12:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p89t0/skin_pickers_unite/
---
who else here is a skin picker, why are you and how is it affecting you?

my case is pretty extreme and im not sure where its stemming from, probably stress-related though it also has something to do with being disgusted by having, like, dead skin cells and pus accumulating in my skin.

its pretty self esteem crushing because my arms are COVERED, and it always ends up scarring for me so my skin has a really weird texture now.

ive been doing this for about 5 years now and cant stop, does anyone have advice?

---

[Rant/Rave] Broke my fast
/u/spinach84
Created: Thu Jun 7 00:48:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p8581/broke_my_fast/
---
Hey y’all I just broke a 43 hour fast, which sucks. But on the bright side, I only broke it because I I’m drunk and I just drunk ate a salad! I’m really proud of myself for not eating shitty food, but I know I’m gonna hate myself tomorrow for going over my calorie limit. Oh well. Anyways I just want all of you to know you’re all beautiful and amazing and it’s okay if you mess up sometimes because that’s life! Goodnight!

---

[Other] Need some reassurance
/u/chrz9218
Created: Thu Jun 7 00:23:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p80ko/need_some_reassurance/
---
Made a new account a while ago so I could lurk here and post without my family becoming suspicious. I’m just looking for some reassurance really.
I’ve been eating around 800 calories a day and I’ve been religious in weighing everything and logging it accurately and I lost around 10lbs in the first three weeks. For the following three weeks however I have lost nothing and now I’ve put a pound on.
I tend to eat the same things everyday and haven’t introduced anything new into my diet so I don’t really know what’s going on.
I am at a higher weight of 142lbs at 5’4 so I would think that the weight should be dropping off like it does every time I restrict my calories. I am feeling so frustrated right now. My mind is telling me I should eat less calories but I can’t function in my job if I do that so I’m trying hard to stay at 800.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me?

---

[Rant/Rave] we had a trivia night at work
/u/DisastrousTrifle
Created: Thu Jun 7 00:04:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p7x7t/we_had_a_trivia_night_at_work/
---
and somebody had to answer the question “which has the most calories per pound, carbohydrates, fat, or protein?”

and they literally were like “idk the first one” like they had literally no idea and were randomly guessing???

excuse me????? my entire life revolves around every single calorie i put into my body and you can’t even think like “oh if i ate a pound of butter i’d probably gain more weight than if i ate a pound of bread”

and of course he was like a skinny guy that probably just eats whatever or just doesn’t eat that often anyway!

ugh why can’t i just not care

---

[Rant/Rave] we had a trivia night at work
/u/DisastrousTrifle
Created: Thu Jun 7 00:03:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p7x0q/we_had_a_trivia_night_at_work/
---
and somebody had to answer the question “which has the most calories per pound, carbohydrates, fat, or protein?”

and they literally were like “idk the first one” like they had literally no idea and were randomly guessing???

excuse me????? my entire life revolves around every single calorie i put into my body and you can’t even think like “oh if i ate a pound of butter i’d probably gain more weight than if i ate a pound of bread”

and of course he was like a skinny guy that probably just eats whatever or just doesn’t eat that often anyway!

ugh why can’t i just not care

---

we had a trivia night at work
/u/DisastrousTrifle
Created: Thu Jun 7 00:02:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p7wwt/we_had_a_trivia_night_at_work/
---
and somebody had to answer the question “which has the most calories per pound, carbohydrates, fat, or protein?”

and they literally were like “idk the first one” like they had literally no idea and were randomly guessing???

excuse me????? my entire life revolves around every single calorie i put into my body and you can’t even think like “oh if i ate a pound of butter i’d probably gain more weight than if i ate a pound of bread”

and of course he was like a skinny guy that probably just eats whatever or just doesn’t eat that often anyway!

ugh why can’t i just not care

---

we had a trivia night at work
/u/DisastrousTrifle
Created: Thu Jun 7 00:02:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p7wwg/we_had_a_trivia_night_at_work/
---
and somebody had to answer the question “which has the most calories per pound, carbohydrates, fat, or protein?”

and they literally were like “idk the first one” like they had literally no idea and were randomly guessing???

excuse me????? my entire life revolves around every single calorie i put into my body and you can’t even think like “oh if i ate a pound of butter i’d probably gain more weight than if i ate a pound of bread”

and of course he was like a skinny guy that probably just eats whatever or just doesn’t eat that often anyway!

ugh why can’t i just not care

---

[Rant/Rave] Oh thank fuck, a stomach virus
/u/CeciNestPasOP
Created: Wed Jun 6 23:12:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p7ndw/oh_thank_fuck_a_stomach_virus/
---
Aka a viable reason not to eat that I don't have to think about and technically doesn't mean I'm relapsing! No more spending hours every day deciding to fast, and then not to fast, and then to fast again - my desicion's been made for me!

*why am I like this*

---

Just cried because I couldn't open the pickle jar
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Wed Jun 6 23:07:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p7mgx/just_cried_because_i_couldnt_open_the_pickle_jar/
---
I've actually hurt myself trying to get the thing open. It's 6am here in the UK, I'm tired and I'm hungry and I just wanted some fucking pickles. I ended up bursting into tears and letting my fat ass make a grilled cheese instead.

---

Pickles
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Wed Jun 6 22:57:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p7kdh/pickles/
---
What are your experience with pickles? Since there so high sodium, do you usually retain water weight the next day?

---

guess i can just “resist” my ed now :) also i responded to this guy and said you can resist easily just by trying lol what??? okay. thank you wow 10/10. ps. this was on a youtube vid with a plus sized woman
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Wed Jun 6 22:45:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p7i2x/guess_i_can_just_resist_my_ed_now_also_i/
---
https://i.redd.it/vbt6mja1ei211.jpg

---

WHY am I like this?
/u/binkybarnes6969420
Created: Wed Jun 6 22:42:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p7hh2/why_am_i_like_this/
---
I feel like a massive piece of shit. There's this girl I talked to a few weeks ago(see my post history) about eds and I can't stop comparing myself to her. So here I am stalking her facebook, seeing how skinny and toned she is and crying. Why am I such a disgusting fat creep. I was planning on eating at maintenance this week but not anymore looool. I've eaten 644 calories today and i'm not having any more.

The thing is is that I was finally feeling kinda ok about my body???? Like I could see the weight loss and I knew I still had a a ways to go but I felt ok. And now I look exactly like I did at 135 months ago. I'm so stubby and flabby and saggy and gross IM HUGE and I just want to scream why is she so perfect? I just want to be skinnier than her. I am a horrible person and nobody is probably going to read this but idc. Why do I want to be sick so bad?

---

does diet drinks cause weight gain?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Wed Jun 6 21:51:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p76m9/does_diet_drinks_cause_weight_gain/
---
i’m freaking out. Usually I stick to Powerade zeros or sparkling ICE but I decided to try a diet soda and got a Diet Coke 2 liter that I pour in a thermos and drink it throughout the week and a diet Sunkist I got yesterday and started drinking some today. I also got a Pepsi max that I haven’t touched yet.

---

Your ~omG QuIckEst~ weight-loss?
/u/Scoopidy
Created: Wed Jun 6 21:33:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p72n3/your_omg_quickest_weightloss/
---
Curious what those of you who can remember your quickest weight\-loss did to manage such.

Am I looking for ideas? I mean I've been on ED sites for almost 10 years (holy shit...) and am obsessed with this kind of shit, even when I know how to technically lose weight, what do you expect?

In the past it's been fasting or keto related. Surprisingly keto did the quickest, those a lot of that was "water weight". Was like 8 lbs in a week and a half, not counting calories. Totes gonna try a vegetarian keto, restricted, OMAD (1 meal a day) and exercise daily because I have a very, VERY important thing happening next month and uh... yeah. Tell me this is a good idea, bitches.

Also share your important events :\^))) I don't want to give details for reasons but ugh, me being thin might be the difference between a world of love and happiness, OR a world of loneliness and disappointment. :)

---

My son knew he could find me in the bathroom
/u/Joyoftheseason
Created: Wed Jun 6 21:32:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p72et/my_son_knew_he_could_find_me_in_the_bathroom/
---
I wanted icecream as a date. I wanted to keep it down. Fuck calorie limits. Fuck this diet. I just wanted to enjoy it. It went too fast. The date sucked. I purged it once I got to my inlaws who were watching my son. My son comes in from playing outside (hes 3) and runs to the bathroom, knocks and says “hi mommy” 😢. Does this make me want to not listen to ED; no.. I want to stay in it. I want a thinner weight. I want to eat my cake and have it too. I’m too miserable to give a shit about being healthy now.

---

Eating and puking is. . . easy
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Wed Jun 6 21:21:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6zuj/eating_and_puking_is_easy/
---
I told my therapist that I've been doing all my behaviors more lately because its easier. She told me short term maybe yes, but long term no.

It just dawned on me what kind of fucked up place I'm in where obsessing about calories, fasting, and throwing up massive amounts of food is easy. How did I get to the point where I like living like this?

---

Binged today :( i need a buddy
/u/polliword28
Created: Wed Jun 6 21:21:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6zo7/binged_today_i_need_a_buddy/
---
https://i.redd.it/yu0mk22xyh211.jpg

---

someone just dmed me
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Wed Jun 6 21:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6xl9/someone_just_dmed_me/
---
and told me i'm not underweight for my height and age, now i wouldn't care about this usually whatever, i'm pretty young and still growing; i didn't know, i just used the recommended bmi calculator for this sub and it said i was underweight or something

what weirds me out is the guy/girl knew my age. i don't say my age on here for fear of being told that i'm too young but fuck it, i'm 13

the guy actually went through my post history to find out my age

i feel so sad right now i just used the wrong calculator i didn't know but he/she was just plain mean the way they said it

---

[Help] Just purged for the first time in years
/u/JimMakingTheFace
Created: Wed Jun 6 21:08:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6wxo/just_purged_for_the_first_time_in_years/
---
I don’t know how to tag this. Help/rant/ignore because Ill probably delete it later in shame

At what point do you know you have a disorder?

I’m at a normal weight. I shouldn’t be doing this. I told myself the whole time I shouldn’t be doing this. I know I didn’t purge everything. Does that mean I’m just faking this because I’m not that far in? I’m not desperate enough to suffer through the rest of it? I feel like Im faking this whole damn thing. I haven’t lost any weight. If I really had an issue I’d be losing weight.

---

[Discussion] DAE not want to recover just because they don't feel like they have time?
/u/Hyde25
Created: Wed Jun 6 20:55:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6u27/dae_not_want_to_recover_just_because_they_dont/
---
I had an assessment at an ED center today, the therapist there wants me to go into their intensive day treatment program. The only problem being, its during the same time my summer classes are, and I'd rather finish school. I only have a little over a year left of my program and I don't want to take a break to go to treatment, so I just tell myself I'll do it later.

I know I'll always find an excuse to put it off though, once I finish school it will be I can't go into treatment until I get a job in my field, and then not until I've worked there a few years, or until I have more money. I know I'll always have an excuse to push it off and not deal with it at all. My health is not my priority, it should be, but it isn't, everyone and everything comes before my health, and I'm fine with that. I think.

---

[Goal] booked flights this morning to visit ldr. definite motivation to lose weight
/u/2ndfirstday
Created: Wed Jun 6 20:54:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6tul/booked_flights_this_morning_to_visit_ldr_definite/
---
i’ve been doing pretty good for the past week or so. let’s not fuck it up!

i think a good goal is at least 98 lbs by the morning of june 26 (since i leave that night). thats just about 1 pound a week, but it took forever to get here.

wish me luck

---

[Rant/Rave] I don't understand my brain
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Wed Jun 6 20:45:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6rsb/i_dont_understand_my_brain/
---
Why is it that when I look in the mirror I feel and look so fat and wide, I know I'm losing weight but I can't help to see my body look so big and disgusting. It's so stressful and makes me wanna restrict harder. I've even been eating fairly healthy too. I wanna find more tips on to restrict.

Why is this so hard?

---

I just want to eat.
/u/FreshOpportunity
Created: Wed Jun 6 20:24:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6mqa/i_just_want_to_eat/
---
This weekend I went on two extremely long, strenuous hikes. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do them if I kept restricting (I had been eating 300-400 calories all week and got out of breath just walking up a hill, which obviously couldn't fly) so I had some food. Delicious, delicious food. Waffles with syrup, turkey sausage, yogurt, fruit, aka all my fear foods. Luckily, that gave me fuel and since I knew I was burning at least 1200 calories from 10 hours of hard exercise each day, I didn't feel too guilty. But now? Fuck, guys, I want to eat. Food tastes fucking amazing, and actually having energy feels so nice. I've been battling so hard to restrict, I want to cry. I wish I could eat breakfast every day. Fuck, I wish I could eat a slice of fucking bread without getting anxious. I've felt sad all week because I'm sick of punishing myself and I wish I could just treat myself with love, but I'm too fat and I've been eating too much for way too long so I don't deserve it and maybe if I get down to 110 I can have a treat if it's under 300 calories but probably not until I hit 105 because I'm still too big ahhhh

---

[Rant/Rave] im so tired
/u/lwruk
Created: Wed Jun 6 20:22:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6m7g/im_so_tired/
---
so lately I just feel like I’m putting so much weight on, I don’t even dare go on to the scales. I’m eating less and trying to be active but every time I look at myself I just want to cry. It’s been really warm in the U.K. lately and I can’t even wear shorts or a tshirt because I’m so repulsed by my body. I’m having to go out in leggings and long baggy jumpers just to hide my fat disgusting body. It doesn’t help that I don’t have any one to talk to about this and I can’t ask anyone around me if I’m getting big because they always lie. it’s fucking 3am I’m so hungry, my partner is in bed and because he’s had a few drinks he’s kicking and moving all over the place and making really loud noises while he sleeps, I’ve got a massive headache and all I want to do is sleep, but I’m stuck on the couch with a pounding head, a gurgling stomach, and I can’t stop thinking about how disgusting I am. I can’t stop crying.
Sorry I just wanted to rant, I have no one to talk to. (No seriously I have no friends).

---

This homemade vegan pizza made my day. 372kcals.
/u/PerfctBodyPerfctSoul
Created: Wed Jun 6 20:01:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6heo/this_homemade_vegan_pizza_made_my_day_372kcals/
---
https://imgur.com/Y6EpdVy

---

[Other] Convinced I have an unusually low TDEE
/u/starchmonster
Created: Wed Jun 6 19:37:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6blv/convinced_i_have_an_unusually_low_tdee/
---
And I need to eat <800 calories to lose weight. I'm not sure if this is disordered thinking though. I am only 5ft tall, so I feel like this is plausible. I've been eating ~800 calories a day (or fasting), and exercising, and walking a lot, but I've somehow only lost 4lbs over the past month. Now I'm feeling kind of paranoid that people are wrong about needing at least 1200 calories a day and that I have an unusually low TDEE and maybe I shouldn't even be eating more than 400 calories a day if I want to lose a pound per week.

I'm also convincing myself I have a relatively good relationship with food (compared to my past), but at the same time, I feel like other people would think I have an eating disorder if I talk about my concerns and way of eating. I'm currently fasting because my weight loss has been so stubborn and it seems like nothing else is working, but it's not like I'm punishing myself either. I also hate feeling full. If I eat a 300 calorie meal and I feel stuffed, I feel like I overate and will gain weight, and so I start thinking my meals should be even smaller. It's just weird because I know I'm acting like someone who has an eating disorder but I don't mentally feel like I have one. Like maybe my TDEE is actually just really low and my meals do really need to be tiny or non-existent. It doesn't feel like I'm being completely irrational and that people are wrong to think this is disordered thinking.

Anyone relate?

---

A Shoutout To The People In This Sub
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Wed Jun 6 19:23:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p68bz/a_shoutout_to_the_people_in_this_sub/
---
I'm glad I have a place to turn to when I just need to rant or get advice.

Most of you are really supportive and kind *cough*u/throwaway200287049*cough* and I'm happy that people can post here and not get hated on (mostly) for their problems.

That's all I wanted to say here. Thank you!

---

[Discussion] Has anyone else stopped weighing themselves?
/u/baloola
Created: Wed Jun 6 19:20:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p67mn/has_anyone_else_stopped_weighing_themselves/
---
I have no idea how much I weigh. I was travelling for a while and didn't have regular access to a scale, and then I felt by how my clothes fit that I probably gained a little weight and I was terrified to find out how much. If it was over a certain amount I know I'd spiral, so I made a call to never weigh myself thinking that would help my mental state but now I'm losing it and I don't trust myself. I do measure my chest/waist/hips and try on my tight clothes to monitor myself but it doesn't help calm my nerves about my size when I look in the mirror. And like, my face just feels fatter I don't get it. I feel stuck because I know I won't/can't weigh myself unless all my clothes are super loose again, but at the same time without that number I don't know where I stand.

---

[Discussion] What do you say when people comment on your weight loss?
/u/losemore
Created: Wed Jun 6 19:17:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p6710/what_do_you_say_when_people_comment_on_your/
---
So thanks so my newly prescribed Ritalin, I’ve been restricting down to around 500 calories daily over the past month and lost around 15 pounds.
The other day at work, one of my coworkers came up to me and exclaimed “you’ve lost weight!”
I kind of looked at her and stuttered “oh, have I? I haven’t noticed haha” (while fucking dying on the inside.
I’m extremely uncomfortable with people commenting on my body and I’m still aiming to lose around 40 more pounds which would put my BMI around 17. So my question is, what do you say when people comment on your weight loss? How do you deflect the questions?
If people are noticing now while I’m still at a healthy BMI, I want to have a library of excuses when I start *actually* looking thin.

---

DAE ever wish you can eat the way Yuka Kinoshita (YouTuber) does?
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Wed Jun 6 18:48:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p5zrc/dae_ever_wish_you_can_eat_the_way_yuka_kinoshita/
---
I wanna binge.

---

[Rant/Rave] 1lb loading
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Wed Jun 6 18:44:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p5z05/1lb_loading/
---
idk how to flair this but has anyone else ever taken their TDEE and mathed it out to get an average of how many calories they burn in an hour? obviously to get it accurate you'd have to factor in rest periods but if u don't want to do that much math it's still fun

For example my TDEE is around 2000, so that's roughly 83 calories an hour. 83 calories is 2.37% of 3500, so it's like each hour I fast I burn that much of 1lb of fat. Like a loading bar in my abdomen.

---

[Rant/Rave] thought i met someone who also had an ed
/u/sleepyboyblue
Created: Wed Jun 6 18:39:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p5xka/thought_i_met_someone_who_also_had_an_ed/
---
..until she hit me with 'why cant you just eat and ignore the calories?' when i didnt want to get lunch while out :')

---

[Rant/Rave] I relapsed.
/u/Robert-Mudd
Created: Wed Jun 6 18:30:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p5vmv/i_relapsed/
---
Fuck.

Like, **fuck.**

I thought I was done for good, I didn't think I'd ever purge again. The previous purge was two or three months ago, I stopped because I was afraid of damage to my teeth. I was doing good. I was being less self\-conscious, I was being somewhat social, I was losing weight thanks to intermittent fasting... but **fuck me.**

I thought I would never have to see my reflection in the toilet bowl again, never have to feel the burn of acid in my throat again, never have to experience the shame and depression that followed. Nope.

And the thing is it wasn't even worth it. It wasn't even a huge binge. Yeah, I had supper like an hour before I decided to have a bowl of cereal, but I would've been fine.

I'm afraid I'll fall back into that trap. I *really* don't want to fall back into it. I hope with every part of my being that this was a one time thing. Please.

I really don't know why I'm wrote this, I needed to get it out \- sort out my thoughts and emotions. I guess that's all.

---

UPDATE! They made another account just to fuck with me more 😒 Over this troll
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Wed Jun 6 18:12:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p5r1d/update_they_made_another_account_just_to_fuck/
---
https://i.redd.it/k9xq9r7b1h211.jpg

---

[Help] Help me understand the mindset of always-been-overweight people with an underweight GW?
/u/headandcolder
Created: Wed Jun 6 18:05:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p5p98/help_me_understand_the_mindset_of/
---
I absolutely, 100% understand the fact that eating disorders can and do affect people at ANY weight. I disagree with (and I’m angry about!) the medical/DSM definition of anorexia. Personally I’ve been average weight, underweight, overweight, and obese—more than once.

But I cannot wrap my minds around people who have never had a healthy or underweight BMI, who are at an overweight CW/SW, and have set their sights on being underweight. Like, it feels *malicious* somehow—like using us for pure diet advice instead of the emotional support— but I also feel like I’m getting trapped in ED thinking about the “right” way to be disordered.

I’m so sorry if my question has hurt anyone and I appreciate feedback on how to communicate better (or shut up entirely). But if it seems appropriate: if this describes you, could you describe your mindset? Why such a drastic target so immediately, and why don’t you think you’ll be happy at a healthy weight?

---

Boss said I was thin
/u/habeas-corpses
Created: Wed Jun 6 17:40:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p5j4r/boss_said_i_was_thin/
---
My boss took my coworker and me for ice cream this afternoon. My coworker is shorter and quite a bit chubbier than I am (on mobile but I’m 5’4 and about 100lbs).

Boss said, “I know [coworker] always has room for ice cream!”

Jokingly, I said, “What about me?”

He said, “Well, you, too, you’re just so thin I never know if you have room!” And then made some afterthought comment about how if I turned to the side I would disappear.

---

[Rant/Rave] When did it come to this
/u/spaceindividual
Created: Wed Jun 6 17:22:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p5eh9/when_did_it_come_to_this/
---
I’ve been restricting for like 2 years... my daily intake was 500cal and I got to my goal weight. I’ve never been a fan of purging or binging (like real binges have happened only twice in this period).

Getting to the point, now I feel that every normal sized meal is a binge and I feel awful, it’s hard to eat around people and not feel down. Ughhh

---

[Help] High-volume, low-calorie foods?
/u/SquirrelMcPants
Created: Wed Jun 6 17:11:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p5bsm/highvolume_lowcalorie_foods/
---
Hi all,

I have determined through some observations of my eating habits outside of residential that I tend to munch a lot after my hunger cues came back (I know I posted about it).

While I’m trying to cut down on the stupid mindless grazing, does anyone have any suggestions about what foods you can eat a lot of for a low calorie exchange? I saw a post about salad bags and I’m not the biggest fan of lettuce but I’m gonna give it a try.

Thanks in advance and keep being awesome.

---

Food rant
/u/Firerose157
Created: Wed Jun 6 17:09:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p5b9b/food_rant/
---
My partner likes cooking and the process is really fun to him - to me, it makes me anxious, and the more you adjust my food/cooking, the more likely I am to not be able to handle eating. My bf was helping me with chilli and was adding things and asking if I wanted to add something, all that, and I told him it was making me anxious and I was losing my appetite. He said something like really? and said he's the opposite - I couldn't handle the mini arguement from it so I told him I'll eat later, I'm gonna turn off the heat. He brings up something I didn't eat the other day, tells me I only eat one meal a day and snacks and that snacks won't make me gain (he doesn't want me to lose weight). He said "I saw your arms in that picture you took earlier and was like WTF" He's upset now and told me I basically don't have what it takes to eat now and that I'm just gonna have one meal and pretty much let me ED control me.

Great.

---

[Rant/Rave] clean off heroin, but 10 lbs fatter
/u/booger-burger69
Created: Wed Jun 6 16:53:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p56se/clean_off_heroin_but_10_lbs_fatter/
---
Been clean for a month or so now. The first week was normal as I was detoxing with suboxone so I was still getting opiates technically. The second week was hell on earth; withdrawals from suboxone had me so sick I called into work for the first time ever, then after getting on zoloft I didn’t sleep more than 4-5 hours over the next five days. Third and fourth week were fine, but my appetite has had me binge eating like crazy. I’ve never had this big of an appetite.

I’ve been extremely bloated and fatigued and it’s like I can *feel* the extra ten pounds on me. I’ve thought about going back to EC stacking but don’t want to spend the money on pills. I’ve thought about getting back on heroin just because the past month has been the hardest month of my life and I’m so miserable. But I made a promise to at least stay clean until I see my best friend next, which is in a couple weeks. Baby steps.

I’ll probably just start chewing and spitting again, that was the easiest way for me to curb my cravings while not taking in so many calories. Only problem is that I’ve been eating with my friends a lot more because now that I’m clean I’m no longer isolating myself from people.

Is it fucked that I miss being a secret junkie that never ate? At least I was skinny and high enough to forget my problems.

---

sometimes I'm jealous of really skinny guys
/u/kurtisskinny
Created: Wed Jun 6 16:35:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p524u/sometimes_im_jealous_of_really_skinny_guys/
---
like they're just so lean and look good in their clothes, its weird bc im a straight female but idk its just lil wow I wish, and they can probably eat whatever the fuck they want

---

[Discussion] DAE self harm as well?
/u/deadestpoet
Created: Wed Jun 6 16:21:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p4yiz/dae_self_harm_as_well/
---
I've only dabbled in self harm on particularly shitty occasions, when the self hatred has just been a bit too much to deal with. I've mostly used it for punishment though. Anyone else?

---

hi again
/u/versperalaxis
Created: Wed Jun 6 16:01:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p4sx4/hi_again/
---
sooooo even more reason to relapse: saw this woman, and it was undoubted she has an ed. she had to have been 65lbs, no exaggeration.

so yes i am triggered and ready to do this.

---

[Rant/Rave] Thanks to OMAD (one meal a day) all my ED demons are satisfied
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Wed Jun 6 15:59:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p4sg8/thanks_to_omad_one_meal_a_day_all_my_ed_demons/
---
Everyday I eat a huge 3 course meal before bed while still staying under 800cals. It's like binging everyday yet still restricting :))

---

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else get annoyed with calorie percent ratios, but obviously, can’t add more calories to fix it?
/u/WaffleWolf14
Created: Wed Jun 6 15:51:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p4q8c/anyone_else_get_annoyed_with_calorie_percent/
---
So for calorie tracking I use MyPlate, which gives a convenient chart to monitor the percentage of fat, carbs, and protein. Even though I’ve only had 185 calories, my fat percentage is 38%. Ew.

I really want to fix the ratio so that it has higher protein, but that means eating more calories and that’s a bigger issue than the unsatisfying ratio.

Anyone else have this problem??

---

[Help] Lost of 0 cal drinks with caffeine that are NOT Coca Cola?
/u/nigga_or_bitch
Created: Wed Jun 6 15:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p4mip/lost_of_0_cal_drinks_with_caffeine_that_are_not/
---
coca-Cola is a shitty company, but I am too lazy to explain why. They have a history of doing very evil things, but also… They are so overrated! 😂 Like Pepsi tastes better imo but even them it’s like...


There are sooooo many tasty, varying tastes of 0 cal sodas, like **Diet Dr Pepper, Diet Mtn Dew, all the low cal/0 cal energy drinks, diet 7up, diet cream soda, diet canada dry, diet orange soda, diet sunkist**

---

Hello everyone! Lately I've found out the sole of my feet are yellow, am I anemic? Anyone having this problem?
/u/noona1090
Created: Wed Jun 6 15:21:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p4hyz/hello_everyone_lately_ive_found_out_the_sole_of/
---
My boyfriend point it out and I felt kind of embarresed.

---

Damn it
/u/stardusttrek
Created: Wed Jun 6 15:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p4hup/damn_it/
---
I have been eating 700-900 calories for the past week or so. I just ate half a chipotle burrito bowl and half a pint of ice cream :(
I told myself that I would just give myself a break and not track my food today...but then seeing someone's amazing weight loss pics on loseit triggered me and now I'm pissed at myself and depressed.
This wasn't a binge by any stretch but I'm still upset that I ate all those calories.
Guess I'll be hitting the gym harder today

---

[Rant/Rave] I can't afford to recover
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Wed Jun 6 15:13:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p4fv5/i_cant_afford_to_recover/
---
It doesn't matter how fucking sick i am of living this life because...

• therapy is fucking expensive, and meds are even more fucking expensive, and this fucking country doesn't give a damn about access to healthcare (but ill save my political rants for somewhere else)

• clothes??? cost a SHIT TON and i have always been this way, so i don't even have pre-ED clothes to fall back on. i've had an eating disorder since i was twelve for shit sake, all my clothes are either literally for children or less than a size fucking 0, so the most i could ever weigh is perhaps high eighties.

• safe food? not for me! all i can fucking afford to eat is ramen and bananas and guess what?? none of those make the cut of "things i can eat without throwing up"

• moving out of my toxic environment that perpetuates and extenuates my disordered behavior? OFF THE TABLE ENTIRELY i'll probably live with my emotionally abusive mother until i DIE

My ED isn't going anywhere, and neither am i 🙃🔫

---

[Discussion] Anyone else feel like they plateaued at fat?
/u/gldedbttrfly
Created: Wed Jun 6 15:06:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p4e09/anyone_else_feel_like_they_plateaued_at_fat/
---
Like no matter how much I work out or diet I’m still fat.

---

Went to lunch with my dad :(
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Wed Jun 6 14:52:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p49zl/went_to_lunch_with_my_dad/
---
Normally I would be fine going out to lunch, but when we were there my dad asked if I wanted an appetizer and I told him I'd split whatever he wanted to be nice and he ordered the appetizer with the most calories. He picked garlic bread with cheese that was over 2100 calories. Had to eat 1000 calories of garlic bread on top of the already large meal I was having for lunch. At least I made a sort of healthy choice 😔

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[Discussion] if you could eat anything right now and it would all be zero calories, what would you eat?
/u/gloomycat8
Created: Wed Jun 6 14:16:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p3z8d/if_you_could_eat_anything_right_now_and_it_would/
---
i’d have mac and cheese, spring rolls & brownies. sorry y’all i’m just super fucking hungry rn

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i feel disgusting whenever i eat over 1000
/u/ronialys
Created: Wed Jun 6 14:04:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p3vsg/i_feel_disgusting_whenever_i_eat_over_1000/
---
i ate over 1000 today and i feel so fucking gross. my body feels sick and i just want to DIE.
i should be better tomorrow tho, i’m in control of my breakfast and lunch, nd i don’t have an exam so i won’t eat. i’ll eat with my family for dinner, and i’ll have a yogurt as a snack probably but oh my GOD i feel gross

---

[Rant/Rave] always cold. always.
/u/ladytulips
Created: Wed Jun 6 13:36:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p3nbq/always_cold_always/
---
it’s summer and i’m indoors with tights, knee-high socks, a thermal undershirt, a long sleeved shirt, and a huge oversized hoodie. my lips are blue. i’m shaking under a blanket in the summer. my friends say i look ridiculous all wrapped up like this. everybody thinks i’m being so dramatic all the time when my teeth are chattering. it’s absurd but i cannot get warm. ever. sometimes i have to take super warm showers when my feet and hands start turning purple.

i hate that i love this feeling. it’s fucked to that my disorder has become so ‘comforting’ that i enjoy how sickly i get.

---

losing weight (body fat) without losing muscle
/u/inrainbows-
Created: Wed Jun 6 13:34:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p3mlq/losing_weight_body_fat_without_losing_muscle/
---
hi, i wanted to ask all of you what is it that you do when you're trying to loose body fat but not muscle, because i've been restricting for the past 10 years of my life and recently i found out (thanks to a body mass composition study) that i ended up with a really low muscle mass percentage and really high body fat percentage, even though my weight was pk. i'm really tired of being fat (right now my body fat percentage is 26) but restrincting doesn't seem to get me anywhere near my goals, which is to lower mi BFP. I really need help. thank you for your answers.

i'm sorry if my english isn't that good, i'm argentine.

---

DAE use people they know as reverse thinspo?
/u/PM_ME_JABBERWOCKYS
Created: Wed Jun 6 13:28:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p3kx9/dae_use_people_they_know_as_reverse_thinspo/
---
Uhhhh I’m such a shitty person.

I’ve compared myself to this girl I only know from afar in school sometimes. When I initially saw her, she was probably around my weight/build; slightly chubby but still the high-end of healthy BMI (we’re around the same height as well).

I’ve been stalking her instagram lately (don’t judge, lol) because I forgot she existed for a while. And, it looks like she’s gained an alarming amount of weight in such a short amount of time. She wasn’t super thin before, but like I said, was on the cusp of healthy/overweight BMI like I was. Now, she looks like she’s seriously pushing obese territory.

And you know what? I fucking lapped that shit up.

I’m so shitty that I got thrills from comparing her past tagged photos to her current ones. How her jawline just sort of melted into her neck. How she has to wear different clothes now; more oversized and bulky.

I’m not skinny either (BMI 20.5), but now whenever I feel like going over my calorie limit I just visit her profile. Just now, I was going to eat more fudge my mom made.

Not anymore.

I don’t even know where this post is going. All I know is that I’m a terrible human being and I’m enabling my own disordered thinking/eating behaviors by dehumanizing someone, who for all I know, is struggling with something like binge eating disorder.

Who else is a garbage human like me ?

---

[Rant/Rave] Help meeeee
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Wed Jun 6 12:56:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p3b3l/help_meeeee/
---
I got prescribed accutane and I am told I have to take it with some sort of fat (like an avocado or peanut butter ) otherwise as soon as I stop taking the pill my acne will come back. And I fucking hate my acne as much as a hate my weight and I’m so confused and lost bc I can’t get myself to eat a fat bc they’re soooo high in calories and scare me. I strongly believe fat is the worst thing in the world right next to sugar. And I want my acne to go away but I can’t bring myself to eat fat so I’m kinda picking between weight and acne and I just don’t know how to control the two bc I’m at my lowest weight since relapse (post recovery lol i was like 90 and now I’m 114 and 5”6) and I’m losing like a pound a day and smdkkdjfkf

Wait
I recently started eating halo top that’s got fat
Oh nvm I feel better but enjoy my thoughts
Lol I’ll cry now bye

---

I can feel the restriction coming on and I kind of love it?
/u/kurtisskinny
Created: Wed Jun 6 12:25:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p31rz/i_can_feel_the_restriction_coming_on_and_i_kind/
---
last 2 years off high school I was so restrictive, but not to where I looked overwhelmingly thin. I was around 115 and 5'5, so I wanted to lose more but it was some of my best times...fast forward to now (4th year of university) I've gained weight but have been slowly transitioning back into the high school habits (try to go as many days as I can without eating, no carbs, skipping meals, keeping eating in between a certain time frame and giving myself hours and hours to work it off) \- because I feel like a fat disgusting pig who looks like an obese loser in everything I wear. I used to be so hot, and while most people tell me they "haven't noticed" I know its bullshit. I can't wait until I'm back to that 115lb range because I know I can do it and I'll look hot again and be confident. Idk what I want anyone to say \- just had to get it out. Also, it'll be even easier now because I won't have my mom looking over at me all the time and telling me to eat.

---

[Help] how to fix hunger cues?? :/
/u/cisheterpatriarchy
Created: Wed Jun 6 12:22:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p3139/how_to_fix_hunger_cues/
---
i'm trying to recover from binge eating rn

i am 'intuitive eating' so only eating when I am physically hungry. this isn't working very well for me? i ate a big dinner, i didn't even feel full. i had a snack, was still VERY hungry. had my second snack which should be very filling (2 slices of whole meal toast with peanut butter and banana and a glass of almond milk). Nope. still fucking hungry. my stomach is rumbling and I've had 1300 calories today and I'd be ok with eating some more but it feels like i'll never be full?

i drink a lot of water, i tried doing that just in case i was actually thirsty but i'm still hungry. i eat slowly and make sure i chew all my food properly.

my hunger cues are completely fucked from probably the several binge restrict cycles i've been through and this is really upsetting me. how can i intuitively eat when i am constantly hungry?

this is making me just want to not eat anything again. i just want to eat like a normal person

---

Does Activated Charcoal have Calories?
/u/kat-official
Created: Wed Jun 6 12:12:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p2y1z/does_activated_charcoal_have_calories/
---
I had to drink 4 500ml cups of diluted activated charcoal today because i tried to OD, 2 of those cups with chocolate milk. how many calories is that? I'm not finding consistent info on the web :(

---

Becoming very apathetic these days
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Wed Jun 6 11:52:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p2rv0/becoming_very_apathetic_these_days/
---
I feel numb all the time. I don’t have self control so I binge often and have been stuck at a horrifying 152 for maybe a year now. I think it finally took a toll on me, because I now feel so ugly all the time that I’m no longer functional. Everytime I walk down the street I physically tense up bc I’m afraid someone will look at me. Everything feels like such a bother. I’m so tired all the time, I constantly sleep, I’m always angry for some reason—I just don’t see the point in anything these days. I suspect I might be depressed, but to be honest my family has heard so many complaints that at this point, it’s a case of crying wolf. There isn’t a real point to this rant, I just want it off my chest.

---

LPT for losing all appetite
/u/developingme
Created: Wed Jun 6 11:44:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p2pc4/lpt_for_losing_all_appetite/
---
Here's an easy guide for fasting:

1. Get rejected for dream internship at company that's literally one-of-a-kind at what it's doing

Free bonus: Drink tears for electrolytes

---

[Rant/Rave] How the fuck do I think I'm fat when
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Wed Jun 6 11:40:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p2o9w/how_the_fuck_do_i_think_im_fat_when/
---
-I can't sleep on my sides anymore because it hurts my hip bones

-I have visible ribcage bones on the sides

-my breasts have deflated to almost nothing

- I have a thigh gap

-my work scrubs are falling off my body. I bought them in xs

And yet

-all I can see is my stomach protruding from my body

-I wear clothes one or two sizes too big because when the clothes are "too tight" I look like bread baking around twine

-I've dropped my intake to 450 cals a day. 2 sugarfree monsters, and 2 slices of rye with two tsp peanut butter

-I'm afraid to eat anything else that isn't on my list of "ok" food. All that's on the list is rye bread, peanut butter, baby carrots, rice cakes, monster energy and pickles

-I've eaten the same thing every day since may 1st

-I'm afraid to eat before 1pm

-I hate breakfast because it's a waste of calories

-I weighed in at 112 pounds a couple of days ago. I cried for hours. I'm 5'4.

Am I too far in the rabbit hole? My coworker said I don't look underweight at all. I'm 108 as of today and feel awful. I'm so paranoid of everyone. My sex drive is gone. (Sorry). I've convinced myself that I'll get obese off of 2 meals a day, wtf. I can't tell this to anyone else.

Share with me other thoughts similar please so I don't feel bad :( please

---

My landlord regrets letting me harvest his lemons 🍋
/u/twopillsandahalf
Created: Wed Jun 6 11:39:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p2nwn/my_landlord_regrets_letting_me_harvest_his_lemons/
---
A few months ago, my landlord mentioned how he always has SOOOO many lemons on his lemon tree, and I am MORE than welcome to grab lemons off the tree any time, since he "ALWAYS has SO MANY LEMONS."


Well fast forward to today and now there are no lemons on the tree because I consume lemon water + cayenne pepper all day erryday. He asked how many I use, and I made a joke about using them in alcoholic beverages, but then suggested that someone else was probably taking a ton of them.


In good news, I found a new source of free lemons a block away though, but I can only go get them in the cover of the night. 😈 Anyone else's ED turn them into cat burglars - or should I say lemon burglars?


[lemon water tax](https://imgur.com/a/bp19k3t)

---

[Rant/Rave] I got called tiny today!!!! By another tiny woman lol
/u/andybbz
Created: Wed Jun 6 11:16:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p2gst/i_got_called_tiny_today_by_another_tiny_woman_lol/
---
So I work as a hostess and I have a manager who is like 5’3 100 lbs at the most, just like a tiny thing. I was talking to her then got in front of her to get to my host stand, and she caught up and said”you are so tiny I’m going to give you all my tiny clothing I can’t wear. Omg yes I’m back to being tiny, I have been starving purging, ec stacks, the occasional help from other drugs, running twice a day. Rn I’m at a size 0 but I’m not sure if it’s vanity sizing I’m trying to get to 00 but I’m there. Wooo thanks for reading I’m just so happy!!

---

[Rant/Rave] Salt water flush fail
/u/mandolin_handsfree
Created: Wed Jun 6 11:05:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p2d99/salt_water_flush_fail/
---
I tried to do the salt water flush. I did it on an empty stomach with 2 teaspoons of Himalayan pink salt and 4 cups of warm water, chugged it. NOTHING happened and now I'm bloated as FUCK! I don't know what happened lmao should I drink another one

---

[Rant/Rave] Throwaway - Imposter? I just don’t even know anymore
/u/ImposterSendHelp
Created: Wed Jun 6 10:59:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p2b7m/throwaway_imposter_i_just_dont_even_know_anymore/
---
I’ve always hated my weight. Always. And I’ve always been disgusted with how much food I eat. I used to be the trash can for friends at school, eating their left overs because I could.

I remember being close to a weight I was happy with once- back when middrift tops were in fashion. I remember looking down at my outfit, which didn’t show my stomach, but the tops had this loose hanging design- I’m not sure how else to explain it. I remember looking down at the outfit and thinking “I could wear a bikini soon” I’d never worn one before. The thought made me so happy.

Then I got fat. I was basically OMAD in school without thinking about it and lost a fuck ton of weight which I promptly put back on whilst with my ex. I remember standing on the scale one afternoon and being shocked a the number. It hurt. I suddenly felt aware of the extra fold when sitting down. I felt so fat.

I tried to lose weight though calorie counting but, like most people, wasn’t able to stick with it. Eventually I found a meal replacement diet and suddenly the weight was flying off. It was amazing. Yet each week I would still binge. We’re talking £20 of food binge in one evening. Hiding my food in my room and eating so much.

I remember feeling so terrible afterwards and knowing I’d never be thin if this carried on. It was about a year later when I moved out and suddenly lost track of my eating again. I piled on the pounds and tried hard to regulate my eating. I would stick to barely anything and binge once or twice a week. It was one night when I tried laxatives and suddenly- although it hurt- this weird feeling told me “and now the binge is gone and you can focus on losing weight again”.

This was weekly for years. I remember telling myself at one stage that I would kill my self if I hit my highest weight again. (Over that now, but heavily restricting so hey ho, fuck you scales)

I’ve never been anything but appalled at my eating habits. I’m honestly ashamed of them. I opened up to my friends and roommate about things and begin to slowly realise this might not be the healthiest relationship I have with my weight and food. Speaking to a doctor helped but didn’t get me the help I needed. I was just advised to go to a group therapy thing at the local hospital - UK

I’ve only ever thrown up once. I know everyone on here says to never start so I avoided it, sticking with 10+ laxatives each time. But the event that made me speak out happened at work. I’d eaten an entire pizza 10” and it hit me. So I bolted and for the first time, with some effort, managed to get some of it out. It was disgusting but the fact it felt like I had an out scared me.

I came back here now that I’m falling again. I stopped purging which I’m thankful for even though I desperately want to at times but because of the lack of diagnosis - whether that’s because I am an imposter or because the NHS is an idiot - makes me feel like a fucking fraud.

I just don’t even know. I’d love to march into an office just for that clarification. That “you’re an idiot” or “nope, you’re sick”. I feel so lost at the moment.

I’m not asking people here for a diagnosis, I just needed to get this out of my system.

I’ve been doing so well so far, considering I’ve been keeping well under 700 a day and have already lost 2lbs+ this week which makes me so goddamn happy that I’m finally beating the fat as piece of shit I used to be. I feel as if I can’t trust myself to eat normally. Like eating normally is just a gateway for me to stuff my face and end up on My 600lbs Life.

---

shoutout to my dogs
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Wed Jun 6 10:54:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p29ir/shoutout_to_my_dogs/
---
not only do they make me go on a walk every day, they also fill my otherwise boring time with brushes and pets and tug of wars. they also make me feel way less bad about wasting food, cause when its dog friendly i can give some to them instead as a treat.

for instance i really wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich i dont even usually eat those, but i had a craving. so i started making one, but then...like usual, they surrounded me waiting for crumbs. and i thought, i dont need this. but they would like this. so i split a piece of toast with pb in half (no jelly for doggos though) and give it to them instead. they were licking pb off the roofs of their mouths for like ten minutes, it was adorable.

so thank you to pets for always being understanding of when you need to just lay around and hug them, or when you need to get motivated to get up and out of the house.

obligatory [dog tax](https://imgur.com/TuImQ5l) and note to say that i am careful to not overfeed them and always make sure food is dog friendly first. healthy pups are happy pups.

any of you guys have pets (and pictures?) how do they help you cope?

---

Dear Halo Top...
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Wed Jun 6 10:48:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p27tn/dear_halo_top/
---
Thank you for not tasting like shit and being a low calorie option for when I want ice cream, if it wasn't for you I would either have to eat watered-down, weird and icy pints of frozen water that some people call ice cream or turn to Ben & Jerry's.

---

I found this in a children's book and it's totally me at night
/u/rachelrayromano
Created: Wed Jun 6 10:41:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p25ds/i_found_this_in_a_childrens_book_and_its_totally/
---
https://imgur.com/rZ4YDUC

---

i just purged and it was the worst mistake of my life
/u/fizzyvelvet
Created: Wed Jun 6 10:38:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p24ne/i_just_purged_and_it_was_the_worst_mistake_of_my/
---
i had mashed potatoes and chicken. i enjoyed it so much while i was eating it, but as soon as i was done, i felt so guilty. i wanted to vomit it all up before the calories contributed to my weight gain.

i've purged lightly before, but that was nothing compared to this. everything came up. and fast. my throat feels like it's on fire. it's literal hell.

the worst part is, instead of thinking "i'll never do it again" after i was finished, all i could think about was how it was a fitting punishment for eating.

there's something seriously wrong with me.

---

Anyone here just one thicc bihh?
/u/handzies
Created: Wed Jun 6 10:36:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p23yc/anyone_here_just_one_thicc_bihh/
---
I'm so frustrated. If you cut me in half at the waist you wouldn't think the top and the bottom belong to the same person. I'm just so bottom heavy and my violin hips don't help. I can lose weight all over my body, except in my dang hips and thighs. My waists is 24 inches and my hips are fucking 41. That barely makes sense to me. My rib cage is 27. Am I am actually pear?? Am I a booba? Did I mention I am a B cup? I a m a g o s h d a r n t r I a n g l e. Top half is Paris Hilton in her crack phase(loves it) and bottom half is some lady named barbra in HR who has 3 kids she loves very much and is making ribs for dinner, so like don't be late.

I just want a thigh gap. Yes I have a big booty, but at what cost?

Sorry needed to say something about my body that pisses me off. Lil rant. Feel free to ran about your buttox, too much buttox or lac therr of. Give me the rant.

But realistically I'm sure all your bums are killa.

---

Just a little story about how I don't stressed out about my food this afternoon
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Wed Jun 6 10:31:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p22kt/just_a_little_story_about_how_i_dont_stressed_out/
---
My best friend has been begging me for months to go to the KFC with him. We finally went today after he promised me we would do everything on my conditions. The nearest KFC is a little more than 15 km away from where I live, so I only wanted to go if we could take our bikes there. He agreed, so stupid as I am I went to pick him up from home (which is literally the opposite way of where we needed to go and added at least an extra 7 km). I hadn't eaten a thing yet, so the way there was hard, but satisfying as hell when we finally got there. And lemme tell y'all, food is the best thing ever when you've just been riding a bike for more than an hour and you feel dead. And I'm seriously not even worrying about the amount of food I ate because I know I burned more calories by getting there and back home than I actually ate.

I don't know, thought this was a nice little story to share :)

---

[Discussion] anyone else need a few days of restriction to "recover" from a fast?
/u/fizzyvelvet
Created: Wed Jun 6 10:18:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p1y9f/anyone_else_need_a_few_days_of_restriction_to/
---
i just did a three day water fast, and i was planning to start my fast again today, but i was simply too hungry. i'm not really eating enough to gain weight (it's been 1000 total cal or less the past couple of days), but i also simply can't not eat... idk how to explain it. it's like i have to build up stamina to fast again? idk. i guilt exercise immediately after eating too.

---

Dysmorphia sucks so much
/u/who_even_am_I_today
Created: Wed Jun 6 10:16:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p1xtf/dysmorphia_sucks_so_much/
---
I decided to wear shorts today for the first time with summer coming up. I've been sitting in the car all day and I can feel my legs sticking together with the heat and I can just see and feel how fat they are.

My bodyfat is like 19%. When I tried on my shorts today and looked at my legs I felt kind of okay. When I got into the car and at the start of this trip I felt okay. I know objectively they're well within the size and shape most people would be happy with. So what changed?? I wish I could at least have a consistent sense of what I look like 😢

---

Haven’t weighed myself in a while.....almost didn’t believe I was loosing anything.
/u/dinosaurasses
Created: Wed Jun 6 10:09:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p1vi4/havent_weighed_myself_in_a_whilealmost_didnt/
---
https://i.redd.it/onbxklm2ne211.jpg

---

What is it about restricting that makes it feel so good?
/u/PM_ME_USEFUL_ADVICE
Created: Wed Jun 6 10:01:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p1szn/what_is_it_about_restricting_that_makes_it_feel/
---
Asking you to gain insight about myself

---

[Other] Does Starving Turn Muscle to Fat??
/u/kingarthersixties
Created: Wed Jun 6 09:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p1plx/does_starving_turn_muscle_to_fat/
---
I was on AskDocs reading some post, and I saw a comment that said starvation won't make you lose weight right away, any muscle you have will convert to fat.

Is this true?? Not the lose weight right away part, but the muscle to fat conversion?

---

[Rant/Rave] Friend also has ED
/u/arte521
Created: Wed Jun 6 09:47:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p1omt/friend_also_has_ed/
---
So my best friend and I have finally decided to be honest with each other about our eating disorders and it has taken so much pressure off, we no longer have to lie and say we have eaten when our stomachs are obviously growling. I’m so happy we can finally be open with one another and we have each other’s backs so if her mom asks if we went out to eat I’ll say of course because I know she will do the same thing for me...I don’t know I guess I’m just happy because we are moving in together in a few months and we are closer than ever.

---

I thought this was a support reddit 😪
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Wed Jun 6 09:30:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p1jn3/i_thought_this_was_a_support_reddit/
---
https://i.redd.it/12rb5ce3ge211.jpg

---

[Discussion] Vintage diet ads
/u/dotprinceton
Created: Wed Jun 6 09:14:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p1f5a/vintage_diet_ads/
---
I saw [this conversation](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nt7b8/vintage_diet_ads_museum/) from several days ago looking for vintage ads, and found three great resources that I thought might be of broader interest.

* Check out the Nutrition and Diet Aids digital collection at Duke University Libraries: [https://repository.duke.edu/dc/mma?\_=1528296742914&f&#37;5Bsubject\_facet\_sim&#37;5D&#37;5B&#37;5D=Nutrition\+and\+Diet\+Aids](https://repository.duke.edu/dc/mma?_=1528296742914&f%5Bsubject_facet_sim%5D%5B%5D=Nutrition+and+Diet+Aids)
* I found this through a Library of Congress post about ["Weight Loss Through the Ages,"](https://blogs.loc.gov/inside_adams/2011/01/weight-loss-through-the-ages/?loclr=blogadm) which was actually a panel discussion back in 2011. [A webcast is available](https://www.loc.gov/today/cyberlc/feature_wdesc.php?rec=5100) \- it's mostly scholarly discussion, doesn't seem to include too many visuals, but interesting if you want to know more about actual historical trends.
* Another Library of Congress resource, with some additional visuals, at this 2015 blog post; ["Battling with the Scale: A Look Back at Weight Loss Trends in the U.S."](https://blogs.loc.gov/inside_adams/2015/01/battling-with-the-scale-a-look-back-at-weight-loss-trends-in-the-u-s/)

---

[Rant/Rave] I'm starting to hate mirrors
/u/missnothingmuch
Created: Wed Jun 6 09:08:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p1dd0/im_starting_to_hate_mirrors/
---
So on the one hand I'm happy, I've had a bunch of good things happen lately. On the other hand I can't seem to make myself believe them and I'm sitting here crying because I can't make myself go buy clothes to wear out to a club later this week.

I hung out with a good friend who I haven't seen in a few years and he straight up didn't recognize me. The first thing he said was "where's the rest of you" and I couldn't help giggling. He even guessed that I'm trans which was nice cuz I was in total boy clothes.

I went on a date with a guy and after he took my shirt off he kept commenting on how small I was.

I went on a date with a girl (yah I know I'm a slut, I'm working on it but I need the validation) and she actually told me she was worried she'd break me cuz I seemed fragile and oh my God that made my week.

But every time I look in the mirror I still see a fat ugly dude. I still see the same person I was in high school. I tried on a cute dress the other day because I thought it would make me feel cute and it just made me want to die because I saw my giant shoulders and my fat thighs.

I've managed to stay underweight for a while now (just barely, I'm like 2 pounds below healthy) and I still see a fatass in the mirror.

I'm going to a gay club with my exgf and I want to wear something cute and have fun and I can't make myself buy something. Baggy shirt and jeans it is since that way no one can tell how fat I am. I'm still fucking going all out on my hair though cuz I think if I get gendered male on Friday night I'm gonna lose it and just give up.

I just want to be the skinny cute girl people tell me I am but all I see in the mirror is a fat ugly guy and I don't know who to believe.

I want to believe my friends but that means that my own eyes are decieving me. Fuck mirrors.

---

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I have no one to talk to (intro/rant)
/u/cookiedoughbabe
Created: Wed Jun 6 09:06:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p1ct7/i_feel_like_i_have_no_one_to_talk_to_introrant/
---
At the height of my ED I would be super active in MPA and ED Instagram. At my lowest, I was 115-125 ( I don't know exactly because I had my scales taken away) I started recovering and I went up to 140-150 pounds even at that point I felt healthy and energetic. Then my disorder lead me to binge on the foods that I had considered fear foods. That's when I started to gain more unnecessary weight. Now I'm at about 180. I am so ashamed of being on the verge of obesity. The last few months I've been losing and gaining the same 10- 15 pounds. It feels like hell. The constant flip flop of being hangry and so weak that I can barely walk then depressed and in so much pain from eating too much has put a strain on my relationship. I want to talk to him about how I'm feeling especially when I am having a food related panic attack. But I feel like it's in one ear and out the other. I feel like he's trying to shut me up by saying "just eat healthy and work out" or "make a salad" when I have a binge urge. I feel like I'm asking too much of him. When he started dating me at 120lbs, he didn't sign up for 180lbs me.

---

What's the cringiest excuse you've heard to defend weight gain?
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Wed Jun 6 09:00:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p1arv/whats_the_cringiest_excuse_youve_heard_to_defend/
---
Since there have been some threads about the cringiest thinspo quotes what are some of the worst excuses for weight gain you've heard, like 'skipping meals makes you gain weight omg'

Just feel like I should say I'm not trying to hate on fat people, just bored and wondering.

---

[Rant/Rave] Dad’s taking me out for breakfast and after exercising my weight has only gone up?!
/u/anxthekitten
Created: Wed Jun 6 08:38:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p14lw/dads_taking_me_out_for_breakfast_and_after/
---
i did spinning last night and the day before. i’m trying to do it everyday now since i have the time. i felt really good! i burned 300 calories each time and slept very well after. this morning my dad says we’re going to Denny’s lol. i didn’t want to say no because...he’d be confused and i do like denny’s but there’s so much high calorie food and if i get something really different he might be like “huh?” and my dad is no health person at all. he doesn’t really care about calories or diet or anything like my mom vaguely does. but it’s just me and him.
to make it worse my scale said that i went up, from 142 to 143! how?! i also have college orientation today so i hope i can burn some off by walking, but it still doesn’t feel enough. 😑 and tomorrow we’re going out to eat breakfast again! but tomorrow i can at least skip lunch or dinner because i work. but not today. god kill
me.

---

[Rant/Rave] stoned and thinking about cinnamon jolly ranchers
/u/ladytulips
Created: Wed Jun 6 08:31:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p12js/stoned_and_thinking_about_cinnamon_jolly_ranchers/
---
fuck i love cinnamon jolly ranchers so goddamn much. i started restricting again for a trip to a warmer climate in the beginning of July, and i want to fucking feel good. wear small skimpy clothes and not worry about eating around my friends on the trip - i dream of crop tops and floral patterned flowy long skirts, i’m a simple girl. cinnamon jolly ranchers are my savior. first off, they’re only 70 calories per serving size (three delicious lil ranchers) and because of the strong cinnamon flavor, that’s all you’ll need to feel satiated. the normal ones i inhale, chomp chomp my guys. but NOT the cinnamon ones. the cinnamon jolly ranchers have the fucking magic power to derail my binge fantasies. they feel like a damn treat and the flavor is fantastic, almost overpowering and such an appreciated experience in this sad disordered mist of cardboard tasting food like rice cakes and cauliflower. some fucking spice, sign me up.

cinnamon jolly ranchers, u deserve a love letter. also shout out to weed for making me into a blob on the bed, too lazy and comfortable to make lunch. it’s the little things you guys.

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[Help] Low calorie Jelly/jelly alternative?
/u/KMH039
Created: Wed Jun 6 08:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p0wmb/low_calorie_jellyjelly_alternative/
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I love pb&j sandwiches, but the jelly always kills the calorie count on them. Does anyone have any good substitutes for jelly that are low calorie?

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I jumped the gun the other day, posting a rant before I'd even introduced myself, haha, so, here is me. (Possibly TW, some graphic thoughts)
/u/SirenAscended
Created: Wed Jun 6 08:09:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p0wcr/i_jumped_the_gun_the_other_day_posting_a_rant/
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Hello! So, this will be the second time I'm posting to this sub, and with the support I received last time, I feel a lot more comfortable opening up. I've noticed a lot of people saying they feel like an impostor for saying anything here, either because they don't throw up, or restrict heavily or they have an "average" BMI (like 20 - 24 range). I fall in that category as well. I hate to say this, but looking up my BMI on the chart, it's sitting at a fucking whopping 44. Makes me want to cry typing that out. But like I said in my last post, with the way I carry my weight, it might not be totally apparent.

This is why I feel like an impostor. I don't restrict, I don't purge, and I'm not skinny (sickly or healthy). But I binge. I binge like I'll never eat again. And then I let it sit in my gut; and I feel terrible, but I can't bring myself to throw up, because I hate that too, so I get sad and angry even sometimes. I'm jealous of my boyfriend because he eats the same crap I do, but he's got the magic genes. He jokes that he'll drop dead at 35 and be preserved for all time because his insides are terrible, but he looks great.

I don't focus on food throughout my whole day, but when I do get a craving, forget thinking about anything else until I get that craving "resolved". I have horrible nightmares, especially if I've had a particularly "fat" day. I dream about literally cutting the fat off of myself, by myself. It's scary and vivid and makes me incredibly sad and confused when I wake up and it's still there.

I've gone to plastic surgeons. I'm too fat for liposuction or tummy tucks or anything like that. They want me to lose weight first. I understand that it's dangerous otherwise. Losing weight seems impossible though. I've tried eating right, exercising, CICO; even when I manage to stick to it, I never see the results, so I get discouraged and fall back into eating whatever. So my weight isn't stable, it fluctuates up and down by like 15 - 20lbs both ways. Last time I was weighed, I was 270 lbs. Isn't that sickening? It makes me want to die. I don't know how my boyfriend loves me still.

Like last time, I'm sorry this is a little bit all over the place, I just kind of start ranting and expelling all my thoughts at once when I start typing. If you've read the whole thing, thank you so much for listening. I've been reading other peoples posts and it's so nice to see that some of the thoughts I have aren't so out there that no one else has them too. Thanks again.

---

Relapsing ~*again*~
/u/versperalaxis
Created: Wed Jun 6 08:00:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p0u1b/relapsing_again/
---
long story short, i’ve been in and out of rehab a few years for bulimia and anorexic tendencies, amongst many other mental health issues. i’ve been solid from purging since about january, six or so months from when i got out of Timberline Knolls for the last time.

the issue is i’ve gained SO much weight. my lowest was never low, as i’m about five one or so, but 120 looked so good. now i’m at a good ole 165!!!!!!

i hate my life and don’t want recovery anymore. i cant purge bc my bf will go nuts (he’s amazing). so here i am, relapsing in restrictive behaviours.

sorry for the rant, can’t do this anymore.

---

To all my fellow tea lovers
/u/Lairabel09
Created: Wed Jun 6 07:42:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p0pde/to_all_my_fellow_tea_lovers/
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I fucked myself up with my morning routine. I would drink a cup of delicious green tea with a tablespoon of honey and ginger (much recovery yall) and then down my supplements (vitamins, minerals, all that crap) to start my days and I ended up feeling worse and worse over the last week. Then yesterday I finally remembered that green tea hinders the absorption of iron... So, don't do that lol

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[Rant/Rave] I get upset seeing my younger cousin
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Wed Jun 6 07:41:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p0ozj/i_get_upset_seeing_my_younger_cousin/
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Rn I’m 5’5”, 114 BMI 19 (GW 110, UGW 105), and 19. My cousin is in 7th or 8th grade, idk her exact dimensions but she’s younger than me and my height or taller AND thinner cuz she hasn’t reached full fledged puberty yet. I’m pretty sure she has a thigh gap and perfect legs and like no fat. Like I shouldn’t be comparing myself to a 13 year old but I can’t help it cuz she’s so thin and I’m so not.
My other cousin is a year below me and is a little shorter than me but she’s thinner too. I’m like why did I get the fat gene.

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Lowest Weight and Lowest Low
/u/eatdrinksmokegreen
Created: Wed Jun 6 07:39:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p0omp/lowest_weight_and_lowest_low/
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Well... The scale said 103 lbs. on Monday and Tuesday morning... My scale is obviously wrong. I look far bigger than that as theses two images from Monday will reveal:

http://imgur.com/4kEEVcr
http://imgur.com/nX5Kw1S

103 puts my BMI somewhere around 17.6
I can't remember the last time I saw numbers like these... High school?

And as exhilirating as the numbers are, I'm still fat and my scale is probably wrong. And now I have even more food anxiety because I do not want to mess up these numbers... it's so weird. I never thought I'd see 103 and now the thought of going over it is unfathomable.

On top of that, after a year of twice weekly sessions my therapist has told me that she can no longer ethically continue to see me if I don't agree to some kind of formal ED treatment. My fiance hates me and thinks this is something I should just stop. He can't understand why I would need more than himself and our kids to not do this anymore.

????????????

He is obviously completely uneducated in all of this but he is also unwilling to hear any professional opinions on the matter. The last month with him has been a nightmare.

Sometimes I think starving is a suicidal intention. I feel so trapped in this life I have created for myself. There's no way out of the messes I have made.

And so starts another long day in the house of eatdrinksmokegreen...

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[Other] Can I get the skinny on what, other than caloric restriction, it actually takes to get toned like this?
/u/skindontwin
Created: Wed Jun 6 07:20:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p0ju4/can_i_get_the_skinny_on_what_other_than_caloric/
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https://i.imgur.com/NCPZcaS.jpg

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[Help] Question - Possible to maintain by restricting during the week, eating more on weekends?
/u/dotprinceton
Created: Wed Jun 6 07:17:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p0j3z/question_possible_to_maintain_by_restricting/
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Has anyone had a positive experience with maintaining weight by restricting during the week (I'm usually 800\-1000, sometimes lower) and allowing more "normal" eating on the weekend, up to about 2K on two days?

I've looked at my numbers using a TDEE calculator and it estimates I would have 8,900 calories per week. It looks like eating the way I'm thinking would get me right about to that maintenance number.

Is this feasible at all? It sounds like it would offer me a little respite and "treat" on the weekends, which might be even better restriction motivation for me during the week. Thanks!

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[Rant/Rave] Why am I like this?? (tried to recover and gained alot in few days, which just left me feeling disgusting)
/u/cozyday
Created: Wed Jun 6 06:46:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p0bas/why_am_i_like_this_tried_to_recover_and_gained/
---
I need to vent so I'm sorry in advance if this is not gonna make much sense.


This Sunday I decided I have enough of this ED bullshit after I passed out at the beach. I'm seriously sick and tired of always wondering if I'm gonna able to do anything without feeling sick / lightheaded / passing out. At BMI 18.9 I was just staring to feel okay with my body (kinda) and people were so much kinder to me. I was also tired of worrying by SO all the time and I decided to start this week with eating like a normal human being. I deleted my fasting app so I won't have to feel obligated to fast for minimum of 16 hours eyeryday (which almost always turned to 20-24h fasts).


BUT! I don't think I can eat normally. As soon as I start eating I can't fucking stop! I tried to eat normal breakfast this morning but I had 2 protein bars and ice cream after! This morning I was at BMI 19.5 - in just 3 days I gained 2.5lbs!! I feel bloated and disgusting and my tights are looking huge. Also my cheeks are not sunken anymore and my face look so much fatter!!

I really had good intentions with trying to eat to fuel myself during exam period but not for the price of ballooning up! I know that if I continue trying to eat I'll just loose all the hard work I've put in. It's not worth it. Fuck trying to recover I'm back to restriction, but it's so hard to restrict again after a "binge" period.


How do people do this?? How are people eating normally everyday without worrying. How do they eat just as much as they need? There is no middle between eating barely anything and everything for me. How do I do this???

At least if I don't eat anything I get the sense of accomplishment the next morning but with eating I just feel shitty all the time.
Fuck EDs!! I just want a break from this.

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[Rant/Rave] omg belt shopping
/u/acosed
Created: Wed Jun 6 06:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p0b2q/omg_belt_shopping/
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short story bc im still living off this high

i went charity shopping today to get summer clothes and im in dire need of a belt to try and keep my (uk) size 8 shorts up
and i pick up a belt and it fits my waist and im like "huh i thought thisd be harder to find one that fits". and it sucks a bit bc its 4 holes and i can wear the second biggest one comfortably

i get out the store and check the labelling
its fucking age 8-10

---

[Other] Can anyone else relate: When you are trying to break a binge cycle 🙄
/u/lyssaline
Created: Wed Jun 6 06:38:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p09hl/can_anyone_else_relate_when_you_are_trying_to/
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https://i.redd.it/1tgemvjeld211.jpg

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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 06, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 6 06:12:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p03g6/daily_food_diary_june_06_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 06, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday June 06, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Jun 6 06:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p038w/way_to_go_wednesday_june_06_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for June 06, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

---

favorite youtubers with an ED?
/u/lalalean
Created: Wed Jun 6 06:02:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8p016s/favorite_youtubers_with_an_ed/
---
(they don’t necessarily need to address it)

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My "I-want-to-speak-to-your-manager" mom
/u/caithaa
Created: Wed Jun 6 05:53:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ozzbw/my_iwanttospeaktoyourmanager_mom/
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I am so embarassed my hands are shaking. This isn't necessarily ED-related but I feel like so many of my personal qualities, like being a good listener and not getting angry often, and also having severe social anxiety because I'm obsessed with what people think of me (there's the ED-related part!!) is because of her behavior.

We were going to go to the eye hospital today. I got my lens prescription and I'm very happy, but on the way there was a nightmare. She was honestly being an asshole, honking unnecessarily at literally everyone for *anything*. When we get to the hospital, there is no available parking, so we drive around looking for a spot. When we finally find one, a guy comes out of the building and tells her we can't park here, as the parking spot belongs to the restaurant.

She went absolutely mental on him. Telling him to call her his manager and just treating him like human trash. He was being extremely reasonable and telling her that it wasn't his call, and that he had to ask her to move. She called him "crazy" and kept screaming. I was mortified. I wanted to just get out of the car and walk away. The fact she could treat someone like that, as if he was "below" her for being a valet or didn't know anything and she was just entitled to park there honestly disappointed me so much. Like I was embarrased of being related to someone so fucking horrible.

On the way back from the hospital, she suggests we go somewhere and grab some coffee. I tell her I'd rather not because I'm honestly still disgusted with her. She then has the audacity to go on a rant about how I refuse to spend time with her etc. which is when I tell her, "I don't know how I can go out for coffee with someone who treats people like that." SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS REFERRING TO! Maybe this is a big deal for me but screw people who treat staff like crap. She then starts complaining about how she can never do anything right, how I never commend her for anything, etc. just turning things (I know, I know, /r/raisedbynarcissists, unfortunately I'm aware but don't have the heart to cut contact). I was so mad that I started telling her she always talks to me like "she knows better," to the point where she'll blatantly lie about facts just to prove me wrong, THEN says how I never agree with her on anything.

Jesus christ word vomit but I was so pent-up about her I needed to rant somehow. At least any form of appetite I had is completely gone!

---

[Intro] Intro/relapsing
/u/eIIa_
Created: Wed Jun 6 05:32:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ozuye/introrelapsing/
---
Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I don't really know how to begin or what to say but I need to get some stuff out and I can't talk to anyone i know IRL.

I had issues with restricting and b/p in high school and as soon as my parents found out I was put in therapy. Since then my ed went into hibernation until now when I felt like I have been triggered back into a relapse.

I went to a wedding recently and I am really close with the bride and bride's family. The bride has lost a lot of weight for the wedding to the point where she is very thin and looks just amazing. Hearing people whisper how good she looks, how thin she is, just brought me back to my gross fat body and how little self control I have :(

I feel like my days are consumed with thoughts about food. How much food, how healthy things are, what the best diet is, how to eat less food and I just need to talk to people who understand.

thx for reading \<3

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Scale problems.
/u/bbbrista
Created: Wed Jun 6 05:31:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ozuw0/scale_problems/
---
So I got a digital scale thats been in the same spot and worked for a couple weeks pretty well. Now, my scale stopped budging for days, stuck at 170.8, and out of frustration used a tip I saw on here about standing on one foot on the scale, stepping off, then back on, to shock it into being accurate or something. Well, doing that made my weight drop to 170.2 on the scale, and its stayed there a few days, did it again this morning, and suddenly 169.4. Im so torn about actually counting the loss, but now every time I step on my scale it gives me that reading, so obviously something is innaccurate if me taking a weigh in with one foot first changes every reading after. What do I do?? What do I count?

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[Discussion] Has anyone tried transitioning to a combination of leangains and ED behaviors?
/u/fuckingupleftnright
Created: Wed Jun 6 05:17:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ozrzf/has_anyone_tried_transitioning_to_a_combination/
---
I posted a day ago about unexpected weight gain and trying to up calories because of concern.

I'm thinking of trying something that mixes my ED tendencies with a healthier "gym" mindset. For me this will mean continuing to hold calories at around 500 (And quitting purging because my digestive system is fucked up tbh) and doing a set gym workout along with my cardio. I'm planning to track macros (Which is new for me) and keep them at 40% protein 40% fat 20% carbs.

Do you think this will work better than just restricting in terms of losing more sustainably (I'm prepared for less drastic drops in weight because I dropped 10-15lbs in 2 weeks and I don't think that will happen with this)? I've noticed a huge decline in muscle along with fat and I think my goal is to look a combination of skeletal and lean muscled while heading down to my UGW (110lbs not too far).

Although I say this there's an 85% chance this will not feel "enough" for me and I will drop to 300 calories a day.

---

Don’t know if I have an eating disorder or not
/u/narkreturn
Created: Wed Jun 6 05:14:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ozrk2/dont_know_if_i_have_an_eating_disorder_or_not/
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Honestly I don’t think I have an eating disorder. I’m the opposite, I love food. Food makes or breaks my day. I’m constantly thinking about it and I always have. I love calorie counting. Food makes me happy. Yet I’m constantly finding myself lately either restricting to one meal a day or allowing myself to eat more and eat way more than I decided I could, feel guilty and throw it up. Im not sad when I throw up. I look at everything and am so proud of how much I’ve gotten up. I don’t hate myself when I restrict I just keep trying to eat less and less calories. I don’t feel bad after doing these things, I feel better tbh. I don’t have body dysmorphia, I just want to be skinny. I don’t want to be sickly skinny either. I’m not overweight or anything I’m a BMI of 20. I just want to be skinny. I’ve seen people with eating disorders and they are miserable and sickly skinny and too afraid to even touch food even in front of people. I’m not that at all. I shouldn’t even be on this sub because I’m an imposter. But yet I keep finding myself back here...

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Convinced that all size small/extra small clothes are actually sized much bigger and that’s why they fit me
/u/littlegoldsmith
Created: Wed Jun 6 04:23:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ozhya/convinced_that_all_size_smallextra_small_clothes/
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Does anyone else have days where you are absolutely convinced that the only reason your clothes fit is because they make them two sizes bigger?

How can I have big thighs and wear a size xs/s (uk size 6/8)

Is it possible to be chubby and small? It feels so gross

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[Rant/Rave] Failing so bad
/u/jnlh93
Created: Wed Jun 6 02:52:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oz2ft/failing_so_bad/
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I was doing so good restricting, around 300 cals a day for six weeks. Then my boyfriend begged me to eat more during a celebration (our anniversary) and ever since, I cannot stop eating.

Every day I'm having milkshakes, pringles, whole tubs of hummus, bread, cheese...

I have a muscle disorder so being overweight (BMI 29.9, up from 27 in two weeks) is so detrimental to my health. I know this but I can't stop.

Eughhhh. Today I will drink as much water as possible. One milky coffee and will eat fish, broccoli and salad for dinner. Hope I don't crack.

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[Rant/Rave] I wish my family would stop cooking for me/demanding that I eat
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Wed Jun 6 00:51:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oyi62/i_wish_my_family_would_stop_cooking_for/
---
I’m not sure why but once I tell my fast tracker app that I’m not eating it’s easy for me to just stop. If I don’t, I invite hell from within me to break loose. Problem with my family force feeding me is that I can never feel secure enough to press the button. I end up snacking at home, which would be fine except then then meal they make me eat takes me over my limit. Or I somehow wind up eating no force fed dinner, but by that point I’ve wasted a potential for a longer fast/bigger calorie deficit at the end of the day.

The other part of it is that, on the rare occasion anyone in this house cooks, they don’t measure shit out!!! I’m the only person who is concerned with measuring out anything but I’m skill-less and banned from making stuff in the kitchen (long story). Mom’s made food for the first time in three weeks, and is Super Excited about the oh-so-healthy lunch she prepped for us tomorrow. “It’s got red rice and barley and lentils and dates, I added some other stuff too but don’t worry about it, I used a little bit of olive oil...” like, don’t get me wrong I miss home cooked food so much and I actually love this meal (rice+lentils+dates) and any variations on it. Like this is my comfort food. But I can’t have any! Because not only would it make me fat again regardless (like check that starch and fat content!) but also I have no idea how much oil she put in the pan. And she doesn’t get it – she didn’t even let me measure out my own portion for tomorrow and she expects me to be Not Sad about that. Right now I can’t go to sleep because I’m so fucking terrified. Recently she’s been pulling all sorts of crap to stop me from losing more weight and I can’t take it because I know I’m a whale (like I measure myself and the tape measure says I’m a whale). I really don’t want to throw out one of my favourite dishes but I might have to because I live in a pretty strict environment and I am not allowed to just not take it with me tomorrow.

If I come across as unappreciative it’s because I’ve been fighting with her all day about food + her controlling attitude + my Problems... It’s just a lot. Unknown quantity of food with unknown oil content is making me freak out because I can’t pick anything that I want for myself.

This is so pathetic of me. I have a full time job and I pay taxes. I shouldn’t be on the verge of crying at midnight just because I might ingest what is at most two cups of food. Like okay I was planning to have a piece of chocolate tomorrow and I’ve been planning this since Sunday but I can just move it to Thursday? It should be no big deal.

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[Rant/Rave] Dear, MFP: A rant
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Wed Jun 6 00:00:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oy8x5/dear_mfp_a_rant/
---
Why are you so aesthetically unappealing? Why in god's name am I not allowed to complete entries without going over 1200?

The Diary page should be the Home page. Curse you and your extensive database. I don't trust any other app because you have every food ever made logged in your database, and frankly I can't be fucked to manually enter everything on my own.

Please, MFP. Please allow somebody to redesign your app. You have had the same app design since I was a sophomore in high school. I am about to graduate college. Please for the love of god allow a graphic designer to overhaul this Hell App.

---

I don't like how my ED rewards me and actually does work.
/u/bunnywithbpd
Created: Tue Jun 5 23:40:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oy58j/i_dont_like_how_my_ed_rewards_me_and_actually/
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I lost 25 pounds with a mix of eating 100 calories a day, binge eating and purging, chewing and spitting out foods. My boyfriend said I'm hotter, my clothes look better on me, my friends said I look great, my parents don't tell me I'll get fat(ter). Why should I be rewarded? No one rewards anyone for depression or anxiety, so why is my ED rewarded? Why does it work? I hate everything

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[Rant/Rave] Summer break and I can’t wait to go back to school
/u/delaneyjay
Created: Tue Jun 5 22:39:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oxsjm/summer_break_and_i_cant_wait_to_go_back_to_school/
---
My entire life i feel like I’ve been that ‘funny fat friend’. You see the same trope in the tv shows, fat/chubby girl is there for comic relief and has no life or love interest. Purely to make a dumb joke and then thrown away. I’ve never been overweight but always a chubby high normal weight.

Well this summer I plan on losing all that weight and reaching my ugw and looking great. It comes mainly out of wanting to be seen as pretty, interesting, alluring as a person and not taken as a literal joke.

But part of that is wanting to people to worry about me. I feel like nobody really ever cared about me, I was too annoying or too try hard or too much. There was just. Too. Much. Of me. Too much body, too much voice, too much sass. I want to be a whole new person, I’m gonna shut my mouth for good and get all this fat off me. I’m sick of feeling like I am being taken for granted. I want people to worry about me and ask if I’m okay, sweetie, will you please just eat a couple bites? And I know that’s wrong. I know it’s cruel. But I can’t help feeling like I’m invisible

And I know being thinner won’t get me a bf/gf like that. But I’d be much happier if I was skinny and alone than fat and alone

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What does your monthly grocery budget look like?
/u/UnrecoverableFuss
Created: Tue Jun 5 22:36:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oxrw7/what_does_your_monthly_grocery_budget_look_like/
---
* $50 monster zero (fml)
* $100 restriction food (shirataki, sf jello, rice cakes, veggies, etc)
* $80 shared ingredients with my husband (so like $160 total - we're pretty frugal here)
* $75 on binge food (usually 2-3 days worth of binge food - $40 in groceries and one postmates/ubereats order around $35)
* $150 eating out (mostly alcohol, sometimes lunch salads or meals on trips split with my husband)

= $450

Sounds like a lot, but average for my area (high CoL) despite the bizarre distribution. I was always afraid of looking at my budget too closely, but when I did I was pleasantly surprised with myself. If I could only cut the fucking energy drinks and binging...ugh. I don't know what it is that energy drinks do for me that caffeine pills don't.

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[Help] helpful advice/tips to slowly stop binging?
/u/bluesaturnn
Created: Tue Jun 5 21:49:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oxhi6/helpful_advicetips_to_slowly_stop_binging/
---
i’ve been very very anxious since i’ve moved back home from college. anxious about working (and getting rejected from every job i apply to) and a lot of other things. i never struggled with anxiety until i went off to school. but, my anxiety has flared my depression. i eat, and eat, and eat because i simply have nothing to do. i planned to work full time all summer to pay for school and i keep getting rejected. i have no motivation because i feel like i’m not good enough. i need help, does anyone have any tips to keep myself occupied or just to help stop binging?

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[Rant/Rave] The worst feeling ever is lying on your side to sleep and feeling your inner thighs touch.
/u/patriotsfan4life
Created: Tue Jun 5 21:36:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oxeqf/the_worst_feeling_ever_is_lying_on_your_side_to/
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I'm having a hard time sleeping because I used to be skinny and slept on my side with my perfect little thigh gap... now I gained weight and I'm fucking fat and I have to lie on my back which is a very uncomfortable sleeping position for me.

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For fellow bulimics: How much do you think you would weigh if it wasn't for the purging?
/u/sommefeils
Created: Tue Jun 5 21:18:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oxav7/for_fellow_bulimics_how_much_do_you_think_you/
---
I think about how people don't necessarily believe me when I tell them I eat a lot when I'm at home, or I'm capable of eating a ton. Until they sit down with me. I honestly feel a little bit of delight when I out-eat (speed and quantity of food) someone who is bigger than me. I don't judge others for their weight/eating habits (at least I try not to, no more so than non-ED people judge one another), but I feel like I'm getting away with something when I consume a lot knowing that I'll either purge it later or I've been restricting enough to make up for it.

But if it wasn't for the purging, I would be very overweight, perhaps bordering on obese. I'm a big big big binger, I can easily eat 2000+ calories worth of carbs and meat and still have room for more + water to flush it out. Binge like that for 4 years, and I don't even know. Edging on obese territory. HOWEVER, if I didn't binge or purge at all and was miraculously unshackled by an E.D., I would literally be the same weight now, give or take 5lb.

As it stands, I am always fluctuating by about 10lb around my CW with my useless fucking E.D. lmao.

+ Bulimia
- Time
- Money
- Energy
- Health

P.S. Does anyone else here drink energy drinks on occasion? I tried a Monster Rehab (non carbonated iced tea energy drink) and it was so delicious and so much more palatable than all the other carbonated energy drinks!!

---

Pretending everything is fine after a major breakdown?
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Tue Jun 5 20:53:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ox4uh/pretending_everything_is_fine_after_a_major/
---
After weeks of restricting , binging, extreme exercise ; I just mentally crashed. I binge drank for 10 hours this past Sunday (those calories, oh dear god, & I couldn't even vomit it up) and got into some very dark METOO type memories I couldn't even keep repressing and cried for a couple of hours and rambling in texts.


But I guess after a week of self loathing and worst hangover and realizing everything is ultra pointless and I'm never going to be thin enough. That it's fine. I'm posting food pictures on my IG while just ultra working out and pretending I love life. Fake it till I make it?

---

[Rant/Rave] broke my fast, and i didn't regret it.
/u/fizzyvelvet
Created: Tue Jun 5 20:49:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ox431/broke_my_fast_and_i_didnt_regret_it/
---
for about five minutes, anyway.

i was on day three of my water only fast, and my mom brought home a donut and fried chicken.

i resisted for like two seconds, then scarfed down a donut and two drumsticks. normal people wouldn't even consider it a meal, probably wouldn't feel full, even. it probably didn't even go over 900 cal.

for me? noooo, my brain told me it was the worst binge of my life, and that i would gain back any weight i had lost fasting.

i wish i could eat without guilt. food is all i think about. how my favorite foods taste, and how much i miss them on fasts. but the moment i eat, i'm full of regret. i hate it.

---

150 cal per pint!! guess who bought 2?
/u/morethanchemical
Created: Tue Jun 5 20:44:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ox2r8/150_cal_per_pint_guess_who_bought_2/
---
https://i.redd.it/ljee01dgna211.jpg

---

What technology do you use for weight loss
/u/BillyJeanisme
Created: Tue Jun 5 20:40:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ox1u8/what_technology_do_you_use_for_weight_loss/
---
I like the following apps on my phone.

myplate for calorie counting
Vora for a fasting timer
See how you eat to see how how/what I eat lol

I like youtube for finding work outs for home so I don't have to leave my house so O cam avoid disgusting people with my fat body.

For thinspo I use pics on my phone of myself when I was fatter. Pics of myself now. Pics of fat women and pics of thon women wearing outfits id kill to be able to wear.

I really wanna get a fitbit soon as well

What about y'all? What technology do you guys use/swear by?

---

[Tip] Tips for a sore throat after vomiting?
/u/planetarydisaster
Created: Tue Jun 5 20:26:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8owyc3/tips_for_a_sore_throat_after_vomiting/
---
Says it right on the tin. I threw up earlier (remind me never to do that again) for the first time in a while, and ofc it was terrible. But now my throat is really really sore, and i keep coughing.
I've gargled salt water, ive had honey and water, but its still sore and i keep feeling like i jave a frog in my throat.

---

I just want to be normal
/u/ek888
Created: Tue Jun 5 19:51:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8owpjo/i_just_want_to_be_normal/
---
I can’t stop stuffing my mouth with food. I’m guessing I’ve had around 3000 calories today, which isn’t even the worst I’ve ever had. I can’t stop.

I don’t actually have an eating disorder or anything but I just can’t eat like a normal person. I’m either underrating (even though that like never happens), or overeating (which happens all the time).

I usually can’t eat normal meals and either skip meals or just binge. There’s no in between. I hate it. I don’t know what I’m going to do, my biggest fear is that I’m going to suddenly end up like one of those people from My 600 Lb Life.

---

PSA: Chest pains, blacking out, etc is a medical emergency!
/u/SterileTechnique
Created: Tue Jun 5 19:34:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8owkso/psa_chest_pains_blacking_out_etc_is_a_medical/
---
In addition to another post I saw earlier. Second only to suicide, the leading killer of ED patients is heat failure/cardiac arrest. Chest pains/palpitations (fluttering feeling in your chest) should be evaluated in the emergency department if they do not go away quickly with rest! If you are having unusual muscle cramping along with chest pain/lightheaded ness etc., that’s a doubly dangerous because guess what else is a muscle?? Your heart! And when your heart cramps you die. Source: cardiac nurse in recovery from ED who has seen young people die from this.

---

Has anyone seen Starving in Suburbia?
/u/Lolololrip
Created: Tue Jun 5 19:31:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8owk50/has_anyone_seen_starving_in_suburbia/
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I watched it because the main actress is from one of my favorite shows, shameless! I honestly wish i had a group chat I could go to for encouragement constantly and for quick responses. What did you guys think of it?

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Ended the day weighing less than I did when it started
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Tue Jun 5 18:51:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8owa6b/ended_the_day_weighing_less_than_i_did_when_it/
---
I'm sickly satisfied right now.

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[Rant/Rave] The addict
/u/Therinnyone
Created: Tue Jun 5 18:43:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ow875/the_addict/
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What people don't realize is that the reason why I stay in my apartment all the time is because I am riding out my addiction.

Except my addiction isn't drugs, or alcohol, or heroin (though I am pretty buzzed off of vodka right now!)

I am an addict. I am detoxing. I am riding out my addiction right now, and this is why I don't leave my place, why my neighbours never see me, and why I am so quiet.

To all extents and purposes, I am clean looking, quiet and pretty. I am a "tiny thing" (at least by newfoundland standards) and don't look like an addict at all.

But I am.

And my addiction is something no one can live without.

My friend made an excellent point once; "Jesus RinnyOne! I would have a really hard time giving up smoking and drinking tomorrow! But I could live without it. You literally have an addiction to something everyone needs to live!"

I'm sorry for the melodrama. You know where this is all going.

Food. My addiction is food. And it's so fucking hard, you guys!

I live alone. I am in the middle of a break up. I went from 200lbs down to 120. And since I started working again I went back up to 140 because it seems like my co workers never. Fucking. Stop. Eating! And they want you to eat with them!

So I started b/p again. And almost lost 2 teeth.

So I am trying so so hard to be good!

I had to go grocery shopping alone today. And it was fucking terrifying!

I bought leeks instead of cupcakes. Cereal instead of chocolate. Baby food instead of cheesies (are rice num nums seriously not the best?!?)

Y'all, I tried so hard and I actually did make good choices today!

I've been working out regularly. I've been biking instead of driving. I've been restriciting like a mother fracker!

But it's so hard!

Cause I really wanted those cupcakes! And the ice cream and donuts! I want fries and chips and chocolate and everything!! I actually did manage to spend the money my friend loaned me for groceries very responsibly!!

But you guys, it's so hard!!!

I just had my heart broke and I go back and forth between starving for my feelings and wanting to eat all my feelings!

I bought coffee and vodka because that seems to be the safest way to consume my feelings (though not together, I have 0 cal lime flavoured carbonated water to mix the vodka with, not sugary soda, yay me!)

I just hate how hard it is. I hate that I am wired this way. I hate that the people around me keep trying to get me to eat crap with them. I hate that I want to go flirt with my creepy superintendent just because I want ANY attention right now and he is willing to provide free pot and booze... I hate that I am sitting here trying to wait out the clock so I can't go buy binge food just to purge it again later.

But I know the attention whore part of me is part of my addiction process, so no I will not be seeking validation from creepy super guy tonight.

So I'm just sitting here with this 4 walls closing in just getting drunker and drunker and isolating myself so that I don't do anything stupid.

Because no matter how stupid it sounds and no matter how much I hate it, I am a fucking addict! And I need to ride out my addiction for now.

---

[Other] being afflicted by an illness is NOT the answer (even if you want it to be)
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Tue Jun 5 18:28:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ow4h5/being_afflicted_by_an_illness_is_not_the_answer/
---
https://i.redd.it/ubisszp0z9211.png

---

Iced coffee: how do you make it at home?
/u/WordEnthusiast
Created: Tue Jun 5 17:34:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ovq2t/iced_coffee_how_do_you_make_it_at_home/
---
Ok, so I know there's probably a million other places I could ask this. But I know y'all are the experts. And I love y'all the mostest. ❤️


I need to save money, Starbucks is killing my bank account.


Ok, this iced coffee needs to be:

- vegan

- super freaking easy

- in bulk (like a small jug or something)

- reasonably cheap

- taste good

- obviously low calorie (;

---

Looks like the Reddit app thought we deserved a new avatar .... or does Creed from the Office b&p?
/u/kinkycornfreak
Created: Tue Jun 5 17:19:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ovm7y/looks_like_the_reddit_app_thought_we_deserved_a/
---
https://i.redd.it/foo6whvvm9211.jpg

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[Rant/Rave] ONCE I START EATING I CAN'T STOP FMLLL
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Tue Jun 5 17:07:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ovj39/once_i_start_eating_i_cant_stop_fmlll/
---
i feel so fat omg im going to balloon up i ate 2000kcal yesterday when i usually eat btwn 1100 and 1300 kcal wtf is wrong with me why do i wanna binge so badly. lunch today was 600 kcal when my meals are usually 300 to 450 kcal whyyyyyy

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Surprises
/u/Firerose157
Created: Tue Jun 5 17:01:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ovh8o/surprises/
---
I've had food made for me without asking several times lately, and it fucks with me so much. I'll have a plan to eat something specific later in the day then I'm met with having to finish a plate of whatever the hell they put in front of me because I can't waste their food that I didn't ask for. I'm literally shaking and so close to purging for the first time because I have a sandwich in front of me that was forced onto me. I've always had a huge problem with eating tuna sandwiches with crunch (onion, celery) because it made me almost vomit every time I tried it growing up. They made one with exactly that and I guess they think I liked it once before which I swear to god I do not remember at all.

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[Rant/Rave] I hit a new low today. And I don’t mean lowest weight :(
/u/pizzadeliverysivir
Created: Tue Jun 5 16:56:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ovfwm/i_hit_a_new_low_today_and_i_dont_mean_lowest/
---
Today I weighed myself for the first time in a month. Turns out I gained 10 pounds over the past month because of stress and I also lived with my boyfriend for 2 weeks where we ate like total pigs. I was super upset and ended up going to a buffet to binge because it’s cheaper than buying a bunch of food. Yes, a buffet. Some other customers and a few waitresses looked at me weird because I was eating alone and I had a lot of plates. I felt like one of those morbidly obese people who go to buffers every day to stuff themselves. Seriously wtf is wrong with me, why am I like this

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[Help] Grocery Shopping Safe Foods
/u/lyssaline
Created: Tue Jun 5 16:34:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ov9ti/grocery_shopping_safe_foods/
---
ISO safe foods, what do you guys get when grocery shopping bag you allow yourself to binge on when you need something?? Hopefully I am making sense, today has been a long day and a mess.

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Add me on 🍑
/u/Roomhunter
Created: Tue Jun 5 16:25:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ov7at/add_me_on/
---
My username: Restrictionkitten . I didnt want to start randomly hunting down usernames so i thought i would make this post first.

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[Other] Peach?
/u/fuckingusernamee
Created: Tue Jun 5 16:14:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ov3ws/peach/
---
Hi guys. I just discovered peach and I have no idea how to find other proEDers, so drop your usernames below. I have seen people post here and there about it but the posts are all really old and I wasn’t sure if anyone still used it, but I really like the idea of it.
🍑:thinskin

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Reached a new LW
/u/Poopoodemons
Created: Tue Jun 5 16:10:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ov2vz/reached_a_new_lw/
---
And I look exactly the fucking same. Haha kill me. At 5’1 I thought 11 pounds (total loss so far) would be noticeable on me but I swear to got there is no difference whatsoever. I’m even comparing before and after pics. Maybe it’s dysmorphia but it’s super discouraging. Breaking below 100lb was my goal when I started and now I feel like I have to lose at least 15 more to notice a difference

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Trying to ride out this feeling
/u/2worried2care
Created: Tue Jun 5 16:06:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ov1ns/trying_to_ride_out_this_feeling/
---
I just ate a can of soup (180 cals) for dinner. I know it's not a lot but I'm feeling really bloated, probably just from the sodium content. I've also been purging more frequently and I think it's been causing my food to sit in my stomach for longer. I promised myself I wouldn't purge today though because I'm afraid I'm going to do serious damage. So this post really doesn't have any purpose except giving me a place to word vomit (pun intended) and "urge surf" as my old therapist would say.

I'm trying to drink a bunch of water but that might be making the feeling worse? Ugh I don't know. Does anyone have any activities/coping skills they use when they are trying to get through this type of feeling?

---

[Help] The Recovery Train is behind schedule :(
/u/theflowerinbetween
Created: Tue Jun 5 16:04:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ov18q/the_recovery_train_is_behind_schedule/
---
I’ve been dealing with this ED shit since I was 13, on and off at varying levels of intensity. This most recent relapse has been my worse. I’ve gotten to a lower weight than any previous relapse, and everyone in my life started to notice and freak out obviously. I am taking steps towards recovery, I have a physical scheduled and started seeing a therapist but I haven’t been diagnosed yet and feel like I’m not allowed to start trying to restore my weight until I get a diagnosis of anorexia. I also feel like if I don’t maintain my BMI below 15 by the time I get my physical my doctor won’t take me seriously. Of course the easy solution to this is to restrict until my appointment, right? Well, everyone keeps watching me and I feel like I have to eat more to avoid the ongoing tension and fights in my house. Idk what to do.

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The secret to restricting? Getting your summer plans taken away!
/u/chaoskilledme
Created: Tue Jun 5 15:55:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ouynx/the_secret_to_restricting_getting_your_summer/
---
I've been invited to a really amazing summer program at Johns Hopkins to study medicine and I can't go because we can't afford it. I've been counting down to this for more than 6 months and I just found out an hour ago I can't go anymore. And best of all, my mom has been yelling that it's all my fault!!!! :)))))
I've 100% lost my appetite.
(Thanks for letting me vent)

---

[Discussion] What would happen if you tried to do coolsculpt at home?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Tue Jun 5 15:26:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ouqbr/what_would_happen_if_you_tried_to_do_coolsculpt/
---
It’s just applying cold to your body for extended periods of time, right? If I did it every day for a month, would it make a difference?

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[Rant/Rave] Using my old photos as thinspo
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Tue Jun 5 15:23:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oupis/using_my_old_photos_as_thinspo/
---
I recently stumbled across my old photos from 2-3 years ago, and I’m honestly pretty shocked. I was 140-ish and my hipbones/ribs were already slightly showing. My waist looked so tiny compared to now.

What’s worse is that my UGW is 120, which is 65 pounds away. I can only dream about what I’ll look like when I hit it. I really want to get down to 110, but I’m super worried about excess skin and dealing with old stretch marks.

---

do you ever just FEEL all the fat on your body?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Tue Jun 5 15:19:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ouoa6/do_you_ever_just_feel_all_the_fat_on_your_body/
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Sometimes I'll be lying or sitting down and I'll suddenly become very aware of my body fat and feel like I'm smothered or cloaked in fat. Anyone else?

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[Help] I don’t know what to do anymore
/u/meineschatzi
Created: Tue Jun 5 14:53:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ougde/i_dont_know_what_to_do_anymore/
---
I can’t stop eating. I went from not being able to eat anything to just eating absolutely everything and I need this to stop. I am in literal disbelief not just at the rate I’m gaining (flair isn’t updated), but also how much food I’ve physically been able to eat. I miss restricting, but I am binge eating every single day for the last however many days - weeks probably. I just can’t stop. Seeing both my psychologist and psychiatrist hasn’t helped. I’ve tried tips and tricks.

How could all that weight from starving myself come back so quickly? My body is repulsive at the moment, I need this to be over. I’m desperate, I’m depressed, I’m out of control and I fucking hate it.

---

[Rant/Rave] 117, 20, 5’4”
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Tue Jun 5 14:51:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oufr3/117_20_54/
---
I finally got the numbers. After years of avoiding the numbers I finally got them and I don’t know how to feel.

I’ve been feeling out of control and my rational side wants help but my ED side is plenty happy. And if hair loss, and the stopping of my period isn’t rock bottom then what is? I went to the doctor to find out how bad it’s gotten.

And I’m only 117. Only. Like how is that my lowest weight? How am I not 100 by now? 20 BMI? That’s it? Still healthy and normal. So how much of a fat ass was I before?

And that’s how I know I’m sick. That’s why I never looked at the numbers because yeah the BMI is “healthy” but I’m so low functioning. My brain is always foggy, my muscles ache, my sleep is shit and I’m always starving. But I still want to keep at it.

My doctor gave me some resources and then, seemingly out of nowhere, he told me about his experience with anorexia growing up. I was so apprehensive about seeing a doctor and he was so kind. And he related so well.

It’s gonna be a fucking uphill battle and today I don’t feel strong enough to do it. I’m so irritable after all of that. Just lashing out and hating everyone/everything. I think I made the right step but I also kind of don’t feel that way.

---

[Help] Eating sub 500 daily and gaining weight wtf help me plz
/u/fuckingupleftnright
Created: Tue Jun 5 14:45:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oudx3/eating_sub_500_daily_and_gaining_weight_wtf_help/
---
So the last few days I've been eating under 500 cal a day w exercise and I purge up a lot of that too. Yet I've gained weight since last week when I was restricting sub 100 and not exercising or purging? Like I understand its a little more but probably not that much? I've gained around 3lbs! Please tell me this isn't real weight? In measuring correctly (only packaged shit tbh) so how is this POSSIBLE? I'm 5'7 122lbs btw ): I was so close! Now I'm so far!

---

Dear Salad bags form the grocery store,
/u/Profeshed
Created: Tue Jun 5 14:16:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ou56f/dear_salad_bags_form_the_grocery_store/
---
Thank you for being such an awesome, readily available bag of low calorie nutritious food which I feel zero guilt about shoving the entire contents down my mouth. When I’m writing papers, I feel the anxious urge to continually crunch on something. I realized I don’t give a shit what I’m crunching on as long as it’s very crunchy and continuous, and nothing is more perfect for this than you. Instead of downing 3 meals and feeling like shit, I can have a bag full of lettuce and feel awesome because I’m getting my veggies in for maybe 50-150 calories worth of “damage.” I don’t even see it as damage because now that I’ve done through a significant amount if not all of my daily veggie needs, I can have a little treat for dinner. Better yet, my cravings at night might not be so bad because of you.

Thanks for being a vital part in creating a win-win situation instead of a shitty one. My paper will be done, and I will come out on the other side feeling like a boss.

❤️ 🥗

---

Extensions/weave on thin hair?
/u/Lucifers_Girlfriend
Created: Tue Jun 5 14:10:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ou3aj/extensionsweave_on_thin_hair/
---
Hey y’all.

I’ve had an ED for almost 5 years now, my hair is basically a clump of nothing. I want extensions, really badly, or a weave. Has anyone had experience with this?

---

To the girl I saw in the supermarket [rant]
/u/CoffeeBonez
Created: Tue Jun 5 13:56:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8otyvn/to_the_girl_i_saw_in_the_supermarket_rant/
---
Wasn't feeling to shitty about myself. On track with calories, hungry, wearing an outfit that makes me look 'skinny'. My hair is up in a (slightly greasy) bun. I'd just got off work and was doing the food shop with my SO.

I'm in a cheery mood and then I see her. My height, maybe 20lb smaller. Gray leggings, grey CK sports bra, gray hoodie. Docile and yet so confident. Perfect hair and eyebrows, tanned skin with the hint of abs on her tummy. And maybe it's my imagination, maybe not, but she had this half-smile, almost slightly smug, like she knew I was looking at her with envy.

She heads straight for the protein drinks, picks up one, and leaves me standing in the cheese aisle staring after her like a pathetic pervert. My SO didn't notice me staring, or notice her at all (he was busy selecting a cheese).

I watch her flounce away like a fucking Veela from Harry Potter, and I look at our trolley full of food. Not necessarily unhealthy, but still, food. All she bought was a drink.

And it hits me, with my greasy hair, humid skin, snagged tights. That no matter how hard I try, no matter how much weight I lose or how many skin care products I buy, I will never ever look like her, or be on her level of perfection. I've dropped 60+lb in a year and it feels like it was all for nothing. Like buying the latest iPhone and having Apple announce a newer model the next day.

I was not lucky enough to be born beautiful. I do try, what with my weight loss, growing out my hair, caring for my skin, showering regularly. But I will never be her. I will never look like her. No one will ever look at me like I (gawked) looked at her. I'm just the awkward, flumpy girl in the cheese aisle.

---

[Help] conflicted about going out for dinner
/u/grape_fruits
Created: Tue Jun 5 13:19:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8otnxs/conflicted_about_going_out_for_dinner/
---
it's my friend's birthday!! she invited me and a bunch of friends to go to a thai restaurant with her tonight to celebrate. thing is, i'm deeeep in restriction at the moment and the thought of going out and choosing what to eat is killing me a little bit. also, i have a part time job during the school year but right now i have an unpaid internship, so i'm poor too!!! but also... it's her birthday?? but also... it doesn't really matter if we eat together, it just matters that we spend time and hang out which i can do before/after??? help :\( if i end up going, can i post the menu link here for help deciding what to get?

---

People who were once overweight or obese who are now very thin, what are some of the reasons you give for your drastic transformation.
/u/BeerQueerBabe
Created: Tue Jun 5 13:19:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8otnvj/people_who_were_once_overweight_or_obese_who_are/
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I’m nowhere near that thin yet but aiming sadly. Being in “recovery” for the past 7 years I fear that when I get to my UGW that I’m unsure as what to say to people.

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[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] I went to hot yoga for the first time and I felt like a sweaty whale.
/u/Soggy_Ramen
Created: Tue Jun 5 13:06:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8otjys/rantrave_i_went_to_hot_yoga_for_the_first_time/
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I went to hot yoga for the first time in my life and I swear I thought I was going to die. I made it through the entire course but I was of course right in front of the mirror.

I looked like a mushroom. I’m short. I’m fat. I was sweaty. I’m wider on the top than I am on the bottom. I know I’m still losing weight and I know I’m doing so much better than I was, but at times like this I just feel like such a failure and like I’m just embarrassing myself when I work out.

I’ve lost 3lbs this week. I’ve done incredibly well in terms of restriction. I was actually proud of myself for that. But I just feel so disgusting. I catch glimpses of myself in the mirror or when I get changed I see my stomach or my thighs.

I’ve lost 30lbs in total. And I don’t see any difference. I know I’ve lost weight. And when I was at my worst I was so much slimmer, and I know I was now, but I’m afraid that no matter how much weight I lose, no matter what, this is all I’ll ever see. I could be 80lbs and no matter what this is what I’m going to see in the mirror.

Sorry this got so off track. I’ve had a lot of pent up...feelings.

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Friendly reminder to not ignore serious physical symptoms and/or issues.
/u/skipintorabbitholes
Created: Tue Jun 5 12:53:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8otfxb/friendly_reminder_to_not_ignore_serious_physical/
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I was gone this last weekend and had an amazing time being surrounded by my friends, especially considering the circumstances around the first of June for me. While I did eat a lot more than I'm used to with all of them things were really well until yesterday when things went downhill.

I've been ignoring the following symptoms:

* Chest tightness that never goes away
* Cold hollow feeling in my chest
* Heart feels fast/slow while my breathing slows down and I can't make my body breathe any faster
* Legs and muscle cramps in general
* Sleepiness/physically weak and/or tired/lightheaded

Started out with the sleepy phase at a speakeasy (I didn't drink personally) sometime past midnight. A friend ended up carrying me back the entire way to the hotel nearby after going in and out of consciousness which is incredibly embarrassing when I found out plus I feel terrible since I'm a lot to carry for several blocks. Woke up and my legs were really weak and shaky which always happens after I pass out.

Essentially I ended up somehow on the train then onto one of the busiest streets in the world physically shaking nonstop; my vision was a blurry tunnel; heart beating like it was going to explode; chest feeling like two people were stretching the muscles out of me; breathing slowed down; two separate friend groups texting me frantically and missing calls; friends somehow got it into my head I needed potassium (before it got worse I managed to text everything I had ate the entire weekend and symptoms so they could help me figure it out); somehow got six bananas and ate them slowly one-by-one outside on the street as the world went by. Usually would be embarrassed eating in public but it was my life's mission to eat these damned bananas. About an hour later I was just okay enough to...

...slowly cross the street and walk another block to leave the city and go home. I was that close and yet so far.

I know I got lucky I didn't pass out in public alone again, especially since I can't afford another large medical bill like from passing out last summer. But this could have been preventable had I not ignored a lot of the symptoms that I've just grown used to. Plus tomorrow I'll be getting the physical version of the talk I've already been getting from a group of my friends who'll inform the rest of our friends on what happened and moving forward plans about me at our meeting. Re-learned the hard way vitamins and vitamin fortified protein shakes aren't enough to prevent all the health issues in the world.

This disorder really [expletive]s with you because you warp things in your mind like telling yourself consistent and prolonged chest tightness and pain was just from doing a few too many push ups, even if it's weeks later; your heart rate is too fast/too slow since you're just anxious; your breathing slows down regularly so you tell yourself you're just tired and sleeping it off will fix your issues, your disorder warps your thoughts to find an excuse for everything.

Please make sure to actually remember and double check with any physical symptoms you may be having, even if it seems minor. As minor as it feels now you really don't know until it is almost or is too late.

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[Rant/Rave] Slipping back into restriction
/u/PhoneWalletSanity
Created: Tue Jun 5 12:46:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8otdqk/slipping_back_into_restriction/
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I thought I was doing really well by eating 1050 calories a day with lots of protein but then I stopped having as much protein and now my calories have dropped to 800-900 per day.

Recovering is supposed to be difficult, I'm well aware of that, but it just baffles me when all of a sudden, I'm getting on the scale again every day, multiple times a day, and worrying about how much I'm eating when even my goal before was well under my TDEE. Hell, I've even regressed with attempting nonsafe foods; as soon as I saw that anything with oil was messing with my skin, I cut that out almost entirely.

I guess it doesn't help that my ex soulmate is now pretending like I don't exist at all. Our breakup is folded into a little black box that only begs to be opened when he won't even say hello or look in my direction at work. Even so, there's that little goblin that sits on top telling me that as long as I look beautiful, he'll always regret letting me go. As long as I'm vibrant and peppy even though he knows I'm breaking my fast for Ramadan with a zero calorie energy drink and half a waffle cone, he'll always regret everything. God... I'm desperately hoping he's regretting it.

I'm so sorry, this wasn't meant to be a rant about my breakup, I meant to ask for help for catching myself before I slide further but clearly, there's some other stuff I need to work on first. Fuck, I want to hold him so bad. To tell him that everything is okay and that nothing will hurt ever again. That he can love me, maybe. Or just tell me why he's pushing me out. Please.

Fuck. Sorry.

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[Help] Super faint even when not heavily restricting??
/u/conspiretoignite
Created: Tue Jun 5 12:41:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8otc5n/super_faint_even_when_not_heavily_restricting/
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I’ve been struggling a lot with feeling really faint and almost passing out every time I stand up or go from lying down to sitting, so I switched from fasting/restricting to about 300cal to high restriction 800-1000cal for the last month to try and help with this. I’ve also been struggling a lot with bingeing recently too as a result of eating more in general. Despite this, the almost blacking out multiple times a day is just getting worse and I don’t understand why? I eat really healthy apart from binges and drink lots of water too.
Is it normal for this to still be happening or should I be concerned? Any advice would be super appreciated!

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"You eat a lot"
/u/rachelrayromano
Created: Tue Jun 5 12:12:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ot3sr/you_eat_a_lot/
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So last summer I was 101. It was amazing and I loved every thin second of my life. During the past year, I got this diagnosis of a rare disease with no cure. The treatment options can help put it in remission, but I've shown signs of deterioration. The meds I was put on in December have fucked with my appetite in a way I didn't anticipate. I was told there was a good chance the meds would bother my stomach and make me sick but nope, they make me hungry. So I would binge uncontrollably at night with my SO, which is the only time we see each other. I would eat until it hurt to breathe. I couldn't stop eating. I was still doing IF but eating way too much for dinner. So now it's June and I've gained 15 pounds. I was talking about how much I hate my body and how fat I am and he just says "you eat a lot." So here I am, eating one meal early in the day and then going to bed hungry because that feels better than eating a ton in front of him. Fuck these meds, fuck that full pantry, fuck you scale for showing me my worst nightmare. Also, fuck you flabby thighs and chubby tummy. I'm so stressed and it feels like there's no way I can back down to 101. I feel so awful. And my clothes are all too tight because I was 105 for a year before dropping to 101 so I got rid of most of my fat clothes. Fml.

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What has helped you more, restricting carbs or calories?
/u/BeerQueerBabe
Created: Tue Jun 5 12:12:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ot3nx/what_has_helped_you_more_restricting_carbs_or/
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I restrict both but I notice with keto I tend to binge more than when I just restrict calories. Like I can do 500 calories a day if those calories are of my choosing but then I get paranoid about what’s in those 500 calories.

I feel like I’m doing alright with restricting on both but honestly I’m thinking about alternating. Like every other day I restrict carbs and calories and then other day I restrict calories and I don’t think about the carbs.

Idk. I have a fair bit of weight to lose and I know my ED is back. I thought I was recovered but I’m not and it sucks.

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Nothing is ever good enough
/u/avocado4life
Created: Tue Jun 5 12:12:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ot3lz/nothing_is_ever_good_enough/
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https://i.redd.it/8788ihc348211.jpg

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both my eyes are bright red
/u/mostlyoff
Created: Tue Jun 5 12:09:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ot2w0/both_my_eyes_are_bright_red/
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i've managed to hide my weight loss, but i can't hide this at all. been purging way more than usual and last week i managed to burst pretty much every blood vessel in my eye, so they're both completely red. i feel so embarrassed going out anywhere and at school i can't even look anyone in the eye right now because they'll ask questions. and on top of that i've got an audition tomorrow! i've been like this for a good few years now and nothing like this has ever happened before. starting to think this has gone too far

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[Help] Therapy confidentiality
/u/srh01
Created: Tue Jun 5 12:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ot1c2/therapy_confidentiality/
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So I live in the US, and I'm a minor (17 years old). I've been severely bulimic for the past couple months, and I think I want to recover from it. My boarding school offers free counseling sessions with licensed counselors, and I was considering giving those a try, but no one knows about my bulimia, so I'd have to come clean. Counseling sessions are kept confidential from parents, etc., except in the case that there's "a danger to self or others". I really don't want my parents or anyone else to find out about my ED, and I'm not sure whether that would qualify as information the counselor would disclose to my family, since I guess it could be considered dangerous behavior.

Does anyone have any experience with or advice for this type of situation?

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just ate 6 dates
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Tue Jun 5 11:59:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oszli/just_ate_6_dates/
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my ED brain is like yiiiiiikes thats 6 x 70 calories.... but they were goooood, so i’m okay???? not shoving my fingers down my throat or forcing myself to go on a 3 hour hike. hashtag recovery, amirite?

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[Discussion] Anyone else feel fatter the more weight they lose?
/u/_notcreative
Created: Tue Jun 5 11:57:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8osypc/anyone_else_feel_fatter_the_more_weight_they_lose/
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I feel fatter now at 128 than I ever did when I was in the 150s. Honestly it’s insane because I wear a 2-4 now and I even have some pants that are a 0 that I fit fine. So I know that I’m obviously not big plus the weight loss of 30 freaking pounds that I can’t argue with. Numbers don’t lie. But I still think I look twice as big as I did at 150+. What is this sorcery?

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[Help] Are dentists likely to notice whether you’ve purged?
/u/throwaway-myteeth420
Created: Tue Jun 5 11:53:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8osxht/are_dentists_likely_to_notice_whether_youve_purged/
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Long time lurker, first time poster. This is gonna get long but I have no idea who else I could possibly talk to about this, so here goes:

So, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow and am beyond terrified, lmao. Because of chronic illness I haven’t been to the dentist in like... 4 years, maybe even 5? It’s been long, at least. Even though the main reason for why I haven’t been able to go is health-related, I’ve never particularly made that much of an effort to go either because I’ve been afraid they might be able to tell I’ve purged & would end up telling my parents.

I’ve purged on and off for about 4 years, the worst it ever got was 1-3 times daily for 2-3 weeks straight, then not at all or like once or twice during the span of a couple months and thennn rinse & repeat. So it could’ve been a lot worse, but still, purging at all is obviously unhealthy and will affect your health negatively. It’s not as bad now though, like I’ve only purged like 3-4 times so far this year.
The only people I’ve ever told about all of my eating/purging stuff are people I’ve met through online forums like this, and i really don’t want anyone i know irl to know. I feel like I’ve got it all somewhat under control now, so that would honestly just severely fuck up things instead of making them better.

If I really wanted to make sure no one found out, I could of course just continue doing what I’ve been doing for years; let my health issues stop me from even making the slightest effort to go and just end up putting it off once again. However, this year there’s a bit of a twist. Haha. Oh boy. Dental care is free in my country until you turn 18. I’m currently 17, turning 18 this year. This might be the last chance I get at an appointment before I turn 18. Free dental care is obviously the rational choice to make here, especially since it’d be way overdue and there might actually be a need for a lot of stuff to be fixed, but holy fuck is it scary.
I’ve been sat here for a while reading about people with EDs’ experiences at the dentist in an attempt to find out how it could go, which has yielded precisely no results in making me feel either better or worse. Still just as terrified as I was initially. There’s people saying dentists will be the first to notice if you’ve been purging, that they’ll definitely notice, and there’s people saying they might not be trained to recognize signs of EDs and you could just blame it on diet soda or orange juice or something.

I have no way of knowing whether my dentist will be a bulimia-psychic who sees straight through my stomach acid-covered lies, or if they’ll be a naïve little fuckwad who’ll believe me if i say my teeth are the way they are because i gargle orange juice thrice a day and use coffee grounds as toothpaste. I simply just cannot know.

So, my question to you is: have you gone to the dentist after having purged for a while & did they notice? If so, how did they react? If not, did they make any remarks about what was probably damage done by purging?
(I’d really appreciate your answers)

Also, am i a dumbass for even considering avoiding free dental care just because I’m scared the dentist will notice I’ve purged? 🙃 I mean yeah, that’s a given. But still. Help.
(also I’m using a throwaway because I don’t want this shit to be linked back to me lmao)

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[Help] EC Stacking and Laxatives?
/u/fuckingusernamee
Created: Tue Jun 5 11:51:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8osx2q/ec_stacking_and_laxatives/
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Is it safe to EC stack if you’ve taken laxatives semi-heavily in the past few days? I have taken 1-3 laxatives a day for the past 3 days, but none today, and I plan to EC stack before work today so I can complete this fast but I am truly terrified of shitting myself at work, but I don’t think it will affect anything if I haven’t taken a lax today, but sometimes food goes right through me for days after taking a lot of laxatives. Any of you guys have any advice?

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My DIY Coolsculpting so far
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Tue Jun 5 11:29:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8osqel/my_diy_coolsculpting_so_far/
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Hello,

I posted on another account (I lost the password) about how I was going to try DIY Coolsculpting based off of research I did online. https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6tm8/has_anyone_ever_tried_freezing_off_fat_with_ice/

Originally I was just using ice in plastic bags and keeping it flesh against my body until the skin/fat got cold to the touch. I started to read more about how coolsculpting actually works and realized this is the wrong approach. I was likely not getting my fat cold enough to die and then trigger and inflammation response. Basically, your fat is supposed to feel actually frozen (like a "frozen stick of butter"), and then you will get swollen (inflammation response) as it removes the dead fat. Often you will get numb which lasts days/weeks. None of this was happening with the ice packs.

What I did was I bought one of these https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06ZY4Y8BJ/ref=sspa_dk_detail_1?psc=1&pd_rd_i=B06ZY4Y8BJ&pd_rd_wg=Ubayc&pd_rd_r=T7MP91A3EQ7GQKT20K20&pd_rd_w=NYlzF which gets FREAKISHLY cold. I then wrapped it around my arm, and left it for an hour. Just like the Coolsculpting reviews, my arm kind of hurt but it went numb after about 10 minutes and I forgot about it. When I took it off, my arm was RED and the fat felt like a frozen stick of butter! Just like in all the reviews. Now, the redness lasted about 2-3 days which concerned me at first but it's basically gone away. I think it was frost nip. The other thing? My arm got swollen AF. It looked SO fat. I was so upset but then I remembered this is what is supposed to happen. A few days later, it has subsided a bit. The numbness is going away.

I'm happy that I finally got the same "body reaction" as happens with coolsculpting (numbness for a few days, "frozen butter" fat, lots of swelling). My theory is that the ice packs were not cold enough and thus were a waste of time.

I don't yet have results but I think I'm on the right path. I did my other arm today and will do other body parts (eg stomach) later this week. I am planning on re-doing each site once more in a couple weeks.

I'll keep y'all posted on my results!

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[Help] DAE get jittery when restricting heavily?
/u/PoppyViolet_
Created: Tue Jun 5 11:20:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8osnbc/dae_get_jittery_when_restricting_heavily/
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Don’t usually restrict below 800 to avoid binging but the last few days have left me jittery around lunch, not sure why... like it feels like my hands are making mistakes. It’s hard to explain

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[Rant/Rave] I’m back.
/u/rivertsy
Created: Tue Jun 5 11:13:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8osldg/im_back/
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It’s been a while. I used to post on another account. I’ve missed you all. I gained 40 pounds after an accident and started drinking again. I hate myself. My mom has been getting on to me about my weight. I’m 140 now. I’m miserable. I’m carrying around an extra 40 pounds. I are a tomato and 4 stalks of celery today!! I can’t even recall how I did this before. But I’m going to prove my mom and myself wrong. I can do this.

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My fasting journal this month has been shit. Anyone else track theirs?
/u/TitaniaoftheFae
Created: Tue Jun 5 10:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8os2db/my_fasting_journal_this_month_has_been_shit/
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https://i.imgur.com/VQO842A.jpg

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[Discussion] Frustrated
/u/clockworkorange_
Created: Tue Jun 5 10:01:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8orzkt/frustrated/
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Lately I've felt so guilty/ashamed/uncomfortable whenever anyone comments on my weight loss or size, yet if it isn't mentioned I can feel myself just impulsively bringing up food/weight in conversation to try to ~lure~ out a compliment or a comment on it.

Either way, for me this "justifies" more restriction - when did I become such a narcissist?? Hating myself for it

Anyone else experience this as well?

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[Rant/Rave] Triggered by someone with my same name
/u/borrellia
Created: Tue Jun 5 09:50:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8orwfz/triggered_by_someone_with_my_same_name/
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I work at Starbucks, so we have to get people’s names so we can call out their orders. This incredibly beautiful girl who looked to be my same height (5’11) but was probably 105lbs (if that) just came into the store, ordered an unsweet green tea (of course), and then gave her name, my name, and it was SO triggering. To see someone who was so much like me but was also SO much better than me in all the ways that hurt was so, so hard, and now I’m feeling like shit at the beginning of an 8-hour shift and I’m thinking about the bagel I had for breakfast and wanting to throw it up, and I fucking hate feeling like this but hopefully I can use it to fuel a long fast or higher restriction or something productive. Ugh.

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Fitbit sores?
/u/LunaticalPitties
Created: Tue Jun 5 09:36:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8orsbi/fitbit_sores/
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I have the fitbit surge. I switch it between wrists multiple times a day and wear it loosely. I clean and dry it after every workout. I still get sores on my wrists. I dont have sores right now, but I do have 2 red spots. Usually I take the fitbit off for a week to let them heal but I can't bring myself to do that right now. Anyone else having this problem? Any solutions? The surge band can't be changed and I can't get a new fitbit yet.

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Tracking my Co-Worker's Calories
/u/wetturtlefarts
Created: Tue Jun 5 09:22:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8orocn/tracking_my_coworkers_calories/
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my co worker is on a diet.

I have been restricting all day at work the past 3 weeks. \( I eat 500\-1000 when I am home\)

my coworker is noticing my weight loss. She talks about when she was my weight like it was the good old days. She attributes her current size to age and stress \(shes 30, im 24\) She likes to talk about her diet and all the good food she's eating and how her weight is hurting her relationship.

She tells me about her desires to loose weight as often as I think and obsess about mine. And she tells me how important it is to eat salads for lunch and how hard it is to be consistent. She's only had salad for lunch for 2 months, and she says she isn't seeing much progress, always talking about maybe having a sandwich, but she is dedicated guys.

I like to track her calories because it keeps me soo soo entertained. I think about gaining her fat, what if I ate pizza shop Cesar salad as part of a "conventional diet". I think about what I would have to do to justify the full fat dressing, Parmesan, fatty fake chicken, and \(her fave\) buttered croutons. Easily 600 cals.

I also look at the trash when I come back from my "lunch"

She takes lunch first, comes back with salad and her purse looking just a tiny bit bigger.

Presents the salad to me, like "behold my self control, sacrifice and dedication! watch my suffering!"

I leave to get my lunch \(a cigarette in the parking lot\)

When I come back there is always so much trash in our shared waste basket.

The basket is under my desk because her legs are much bigger than mine. When I started at my position it was not, she moved it at some point.

So since the waste basket smells and is under my nose I like to peep through and count the calories she got through while i went outside and choose not to eat a healthy lunch.

We haven't had lunch yet today but here was her breakfast.

Frosted Flakes 220

Low Fat milk 3/4 empty: 330

Orange Juice: 170

Breakfast:720

https://i.redd.it/e9mvvybn97211.jpg

She has been nibbling at reese's all morning I think they are 35 each, she's had like 8.

https://i.redd.it/bhnd01up97211.jpg

And there looks like there was some cake too? Left overs from a meeting yesterday. I didn't even see her eat this.

Snacks:500\-600

Total: \+1200 It's not even noon yet.

The fucked thing is she thinks this is a healthy breakfast. Just cereal, some fresh OJ and a little chocolate to hold you over until your salad. I am thinking about eating like 3 donuts on friday just to fuck with her, but i feel bad too.

I wish you could tell some people about how choosing not to eat is 1000&#37; more effective than a healthy diet if your goal is weight loss.

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[Discussion] Anyone feel like they don’t deserve to look cute?
/u/coffeejournalist
Created: Tue Jun 5 09:16:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ormmx/anyone_feel_like_they_dont_deserve_to_look_cute/
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It’s summer in Southern California and I’m stuck in leggings and a long sleeved shirt in class because I’m too embarrassed to wear shorts or a skirt 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have tons of cute clothes. Sometimes I get all dressed up, then take it all off because I feel like an eyesore. I just want winter to come so I can look cozy, cute, and comfortably hidden in my layers.

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[Help] Scared of my adderall addiction
/u/billiedove
Created: Tue Jun 5 09:12:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8orlgy/scared_of_my_adderall_addiction/
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Hi all. First time posting a topic here, but i’ve been lurking here and on Myproana for a looong time.

I’m 25. Two years ago I got a prescription for adderall. I read a bunch of articles about it, I wanted it, it seemed like a cheat pill for all my problems. The weight, the organization, the working, the schooling, all. Plus, I like having a secret.

I lost about 15-20 pounds and it’s steady now, mostly. I binge like crazy on days I don’t take it (i skip it for a bunch of reasons, maybe I wake up too late and want to be able to go to sleep before 4AM, maybe i’m spending the day lounging with a special someone and don’t want to be wired up, also it’s more effective after i don’t take it for a day...). On days I take it I can manage not to eat for long periods easily ( I don’t have the same repulsion for food I did in the beginning, darn).

But I know I can’t be on amphetamines my whole life... it’s not sustainable. I know if I stop I’ll gain like 40 pounds. I’m scared. I feel trapped to need a substance like that to function and to stay thin. I’m scared I fucked up my metabolism and I can’t ever be as thin easily as before I started this shit.

I lost my prescribing psychiatrist so now every six months I have to scramble for a prescription from any doctor. It’s a controlled substance where I live and they don’t give them out easily to adults (8 year old boys, though? Come and get it!) . It’s stressful. This time I had to do without for 5 days, I gained 5 pounds and ate all the pasta and sucked at work.

Tl;dr: I need adderall for weight loss and I don’t think i’ll be able to continue taking it forever. Does anybody have experience with this?

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[Rant/Rave] Just so tired today
/u/veravera2
Created: Tue Jun 5 09:12:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8orlfl/just_so_tired_today/
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“So that’s why you’re so skinny” is what my roommate said to me last night while I was preparing my lunch for the next day. I didn’t know what to say back. I feel like stubby lard. I’m the only person in the world who looks chubby and fat at a size zero. I want to be swallowed up in clothes so nobody has to be subjected to seeing me.

She gawked at my three pieces of cheese that I eat on three crackers. Every day. “Only three?” She said.

Yeah, and it’s funny you say that because I was just thinking that it was too much and that I should be ashamed to eat it. Lots of people go without less. I’m greedy.

I don’t believe her. She’s just saying it to make me feel better.

You guys, she’s tall and thin and willowy and it’s all natural. She eats whatever she wants. I can’t believe she would even dream of telling me I’m skinny. I’ve got flabby arms and a distended stomach. I have thick thighs and huge calves. I’m going into bike until I’m exhausted tonight.

Just a lot of negativity in my head today. My OCD is flaring up right now and I’m so exhausted from not being able to do simple things. I can’t leave the house or go to bed without checking to make sure everything in the house is all in their “places”. I have to follow my routine each morning down to the minute. I have to wash my hands a specific way or I’ll die. If I don’t write the note the correct way, I have to throw away the paper in folded squares and try again. Why do I do these things?? Why do I make my own life so hard?????

:(

---

[Discussion] Its me posting again. I am feel self conscious and anxious, having to eat with my co workers.
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Tue Jun 5 08:31:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8or9po/its_me_posting_again_i_am_feel_self_conscious_and/
---
i dont know how to explain, either i dont wanna eat or i just want my raw vegetables. what makes me anxious is them asking me questions why am i eating so little, am i on a diet or smth. its honestly kind of stressful for me. i wish i am able to avoid these eating situations!! or make an excuse to say i had a huge breakfast. but i cant use this excuse all the time, right?

---

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend wants me to gain a few pounds...
/u/kelps-
Created: Tue Jun 5 08:30:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8or95q/my_boyfriend_wants_me_to_gain_a_few_pounds/
---
And I'm like, hell no. I told him that I would just maintain this weight, but he thinks I should gain at least 1-3lbs for health reasons. He even admits that I look normal..just when he felt my back last night, he got freaked out because he could "feel everything." Maybe I "feel" skinny, but I'm definitely not happy yet with what's in the mirror. I just want to lose a little more (5-10lbs), tone up, and maintain that weight.

Even though he claims he wants me to be healthy, it's hard because I know he likes skinny girls and most of his ex-girlfriends have had eating disorders. His friends say even he has a type..

When I gained some weight birth control, I found a Google search (while we were at dinner) about 'birth control weight gain' It was early on in our relationship but I made a big deal about it, we fought, and I haven't been able to get out of my head 1 year+ later and -40 pounds later.

I've tried so hard to look like the girls that I see on his search history that I feel like I've lost myself. I want to be literally less of a person. Even though my boyfriend says he will be very concerned if I lose any more weight (extremely if it's over 5lbs, he says) and says that I'm on a "tornado watch," I know that he that he likes my new body and probably won't do jack shit about anything.

---

where can i rant except at proED?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Tue Jun 5 08:19:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8or69h/where_can_i_rant_except_at_proed/
---
Weight remains. I want it to go lower. But I am working. Guess I have to sacrifice a little. I want it to get down to 40kg!!!! Sorry the number sounds a little ridiculous. 40kg Asap!!

---

[Discussion] Cake may actually have less calories then previously thought! I don’t trust it...
/u/jodi_falls
Created: Tue Jun 5 08:17:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8or5ko/cake_may_actually_have_less_calories_then/
---
http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/second-opinion-baking-calories-1.4690996

---

I'm so shallow lol
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Tue Jun 5 08:13:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8or4nh/im_so_shallow_lol/
---
I have to write an essay about Gustav Klimt due next monday but all I can think is [g o a l s](http://ctlsites.uga.edu/humanities-education/wp-content/uploads/sites/242/2016/07/waterserpantsi.jpg)

---

I don't know why anymore
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Tue Jun 5 08:10:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8or3ko/i_dont_know_why_anymore/
---
I don't know what my reason is anymore. If I'm doing this to lose weight or the feel of control. Really, I think it's a mix of both.

I've been feeling like shit lately. I completely stopped caring about getting help for this. I was fine in some pretty traumatizing shit before, I'll be fine in this.

At the same time I'm sad I stopped caring, but not enough to seek advice or help.

I want to die. Death would be a form pf recovery, wouldn't it? Except I don't have the fucking guts to do it.

I've been a mess lately. I've become more quiet and just wanna be left alone now.

I'm sorry for rambling I've just had a lot on my mind.

---

[Rant/Rave] Weekend away with friends
/u/chickenboooooty
Created: Tue Jun 5 07:51:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqygg/weekend_away_with_friends/
---
Okay so I'm gonna change some details just incase anyone I know lurks here (I really hope not for their sake tho!!)

Basically I'm going alway for a weekend in a couple days and we're staying at a hotel with a bunch of friends and some of them know I'm trying to loose weight/have body issues but not to the full extent.

The problem is, we're supposed to bring up food for ourselves and for others to share andi have no clue what to bring because I'm restricting pretty heavily and I don't want to bring a bunch of junk food. Like for myself I was gonna bring a bunch of fruits and vegetables and some pulled pork for if I need protein but idk if that's gonna seem weird to everyone else. But I also don't wanna just buy a bunch of chips and granola bars and end up binging on them just to seem normal.

But on the other hand I need to eat enough that I'll have energy and be fun to be around without eating too much and feeling my self esteem (lol wtf is that anyways??) being flushed down the toilet LOL

Plus on top of that I'm feeling especially shitty about the idea of a bunch of people seeing my body and my scars and ALL THE FUCKING BRUISES THAT IM GETTING OUT OF NOWHERE

anyways in conclusion I hate myself for getting worse but the self hatred is making me get worse lolololol the irony

---

[Rant/Rave] I need to get this out
/u/pretendreliveregret
Created: Tue Jun 5 07:49:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqxzb/i_need_to_get_this_out/
---
This is a throwaway/rant account because I normally lurk on my other accounts. I can’t have anybody linking this to me.

When I was 15, I had to drop out of high school due to anxiety and bullying from my best friend, and just a build up of things. I had two/three mental breakdowns in short periods of time and I had been self harming (not too badly back then) and a lot of family issues had happened. My aunt had passed away from cancer, she was too young and I watched her soul leave the room. My mother always had something wrong with her, she later got diagnosed with bpd, ocd, and I’d say bipolar too, and my childhood was a nasty one.

I was neglected and ended up malnutritioned, my mother was a drug addict and didn’t care about me, she did them while I was in the house. She had a new boyfriend every month, and one of them would beat her. My father didn’t care about me, he never hung around. He was an alcoholic. Anyway, a family member of mine took me away to live with them and my mother recovered, and has been clean for about 11 years.

Anyway, so I dropped out and saw my therapist, who got me into a unit for emotionally disturbed and messed up kids. I was supposed to be referred to a psychotherapist to see what was wrong with me but they never did and they failed me.
This is where things got extremely bad.

It was surprising however, because I was friends with everybody there. I think it was because we could all relate to one another. One girl in particular stood out to me, let’s call her Megan. Megan was an anorexic (she’d be hospitalised for it) she was severely depressed and had self harmed too. She was also raped. She was here because she tried to jump off the school building. We quickly became good friends and we would skip lessons just sitting in the sports hall exchanging stories and bonding.
I was down spiralling fast; I was self harming worse than ever, they were deeper and bigger and scarring badly. I was losing a LOT of weight, because I was starving myself. I was going home after school, eating one meal and then sleeping until 3 am, staying up for a few hours only to then sleep for 2 and wake up shortly after for school. I was so much more angry, my anger problems finally showed their true depth. I was arguing with teachers, walking out of class, leaving class to go home, nearly getting into fights (which I did in my other school anyways) and everything bad.

I fucking miss that so much. I miss all of it. I miss being with fucked up people who were as fucked up as me. I miss talking to Megan and being her close friend, we got into contact recently but she hasn’t got time for me. She’s moved on, like everyone else And I’m stuck in the past wishing things could stay how they were. I miss the environment, I miss being watched constantly, I miss the sympathy and worried looks, I miss how similar it felt to being in a mental health ward.
I miss it I miss it I miss it.

---

[Other] Have to tell someone...
/u/RaineeRose
Created: Tue Jun 5 07:48:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqxpv/have_to_tell_someone/
---
I hit my UGW today: 99 pounds! I'm so happy and excited, but...

I don't know if I'm as happy and excited as I thought I'd be. And now I'm starting to think that maybe I should lower my UGW a little more...

This shit is a mindfuck, isn't it? I don't know if I'll ever be happy...

---

Anorexia and Bulimia posters at school
/u/sad_skelly
Created: Tue Jun 5 07:44:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqwo2/anorexia_and_bulimia_posters_at_school/
---
I was thinking today about how much I've changed as a kid. I remember as a kid I used to stare at bulimia and anorexia posters at school and thinking I can't ever possibly have a disorder like that, how rare it must be, how horrifying and deceiving and unhealthy and irrational it is, how disgusting purging is.

Fast forward a few years and now I'm here. I purge up to four times daily and I'm afraid of touching pastries in case calories somehow defy physics and seep through my skin. It feels so surreal.

I've become what I was afraid of.

---

[Rant/Rave] Another drunkorexic rant, + a question
/u/lights-in-the-sky
Created: Tue Jun 5 07:35:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqubc/another_drunkorexic_rant_a_question/
---
(Hey guys. It’s been awhile. I’m too afraid to weigh myself after failing to meet my first goal by my birthday, so I’ve probably gained a few pounds. Feel really shitty and invalidated because I’m still ‘too fat’ to have an ED, haha.)

Anyways. I turned 21 recently and can now legally get alcohol/cigarettes (yaay). I have been walking down to a convenient store near my house to get beer - it usually ends up being Bud Light, because I am bad at making decisions, and I at least know the calorie count (110 per 12 oz can, still pretty bad but not as much as others I suppose).

I was wondering, for any of you who drink while restricting: what are your go-to beers (or alcoholic beverages in general)? For various reasons it is more difficult for me to get liquor than it is beer (my favorite has always been vodka, but here in Ohio it’s only sold at state liquor stores, which for whatever fucking reason give me more anxiety than regular convenient stores and gas stations).

Also yes I am drunk while writing this, hello. :)

Hope y’all have a swell day.

---

Have to tell someone...
/u/RaineeRose
Created: Tue Jun 5 07:33:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqtr6/have_to_tell_someone/
---
I hit my UGW today—99 pounds! I'm so happy and excited, but...

I don't know if I'm as happy and excited as I thought I'd be. And now I'm thinking that maybe 99 isn't my UGW after all, that maybe I should aim lower...

This shit is a mindfuck, isn't it? I don't know if I'll ever be happy.

---

[Rant/Rave] A reward gone wrong.
/u/KMH039
Created: Tue Jun 5 07:14:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqp8h/a_reward_gone_wrong/
---
Yesterday I had officially lost 20 pounds from my start weight. I did really well all day, and took 2× My normal steps at work so I decided to treat myself for dinner. I got a dark chocolate bar with almonds (220 calories for half a bar, the other half went to my roommate), and a small package of raspberries (~1 cup @ 64 calories). I had forgotten how good chocolate was after heavy restriction, and was really happy for the treat.

This morning, I woke up and stepped on the scale and I had gained .4lbs. I know at my weight (182lbs) that's not a lot, and that sort of fluctuation could be from water retention or something totally innocuous, but I can't stop thinking it's because of my dinner. I got cocky and didn't stick to what got me here to begin with so now I'm gaining.

I'm so frustrated and disappointed, partially with the gain, partially with my self because I can't stop blaming the nice thing I did for myself. This sucks.

---

[Discussion] What Happens If You Eat NOTHING For 7 Days
/u/lalalean
Created: Tue Jun 5 06:58:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oql58/what_happens_if_you_eat_nothing_for_7_days/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STLKL9x59d8

---

I'm cheating on my boyfriend to feel better about my body.
/u/purgedeath
Created: Tue Jun 5 06:52:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqjth/im_cheating_on_my_boyfriend_to_feel_better_about/
---
We've been dating for 5 years, but lately I've been feeling different about him. I've slept with two other men. I have to go get plan b this morning because I let the guy last night fuck me without a condom. Should get tested for STI's too.

I'm don't know what's wrong with me. I love him. He's my best friend...but when I'm with the other men, the strangers, I can be somebody else, somebody cooler and sexier and more desirable than myself. When I hear them compliment my body I feel validated. When they're fucking me I feel used and empty and numb and I like it. My boyfriend fucks me lovingly and I can't allow myself that right now.

I don't know why I'm posting this. You guys are always so lovely. Help? I know there's no excuse. I'm slipping further down the rabbit hole. I just want to feel attractive, useful, I want to be used.

help

---

[Rant/Rave] I dont deserve to recover (rant)
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Tue Jun 5 06:31:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqew8/i_dont_deserve_to_recover_rant/
---
My mom is making me see an eating disorder specialist tomorrow and I'm so annoyed about it because I'm not even skinny. I'm literally 15 lbs from being underweight. I'm so terrified of seeing girls there who are obviously skinnier than me and if that happens I really might lose my shit. I refuse to be the fat one.

---

1700 calories
/u/usernameblahhhhh
Created: Tue Jun 5 06:29:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqej9/1700_calories/
---
I want to maintain. I want to maintain, but I'm so afraid of gaining that I restrict just a little. First to wrap my arm with my thumb and middle finger, then the ring, then the pinky, now I keep trying to grab with the pointer and I don't know why it sounds like a good idea. Shit, that's disgusting. But why does it sound good? I don't really want it, but I kind of do. No. If I really wanted it I wouldn't make this post.

For some reason I became convinced in March that above 1700 will make me gain. I know it's not true. Every morning I feel motivated and say today will be the day I go over. Every day I lose my motivation and do stupid things like tear off 5g of bread from a slice just to keep the total under.

Today will be different. Today I want to hit 1700 and I will, even if it's just 1710. I selfishly post this here because I don't want to lie to myself again today. Today will be different.

Restriction is the opposite of control. Restriction is just a lack of willpower motivated by anxiety. Motivated by fear of making healthy choices.

Today will be different.

I already regret this post.

---

The rollercoaster of my life
/u/c_marier
Created: Tue Jun 5 06:19:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqcac/the_rollercoaster_of_my_life/
---
For the last two or so months, I have felt so healthy in the best sense of the word. My husband and I underwent a significant move and everything has felt so fresh and new. Because of how hectic it's been moving to a new country, I've been less preoccupied with food and too busy to exercise obsessively and it felt like something had clicked into place. New place/new me thing, you know?

And then. I stepped on a scale, expecting the worst. We've been eating out way more because we were on the go and because our kitchen wasn't totally settled in. I still hadn't really been eating during the day, but I knew for a fact that I'd been eating more desserts in the evening with my husband because we both want to experience the new culture and the one meal I had a day usually involved less healthy food. Of course, we don't have a car here and have been walking everywhere now, but I didn't think that could really significantly balance out the eating. It seemed like too much to hope for.

I resigned myself to having gained a few pounds and, you know what? I felt at peace about it. This is a new chapter in my life. I have so much distance from family drama and old memories and everything is so new and maybe my new life doesn't have room in it for food drama. I've been thinking a lot about getting pregnant and maybe having gained a little now will make me feel more at ease with the thought of gaining even more.

BUT. I lost weight. I lost the five pounds I was clawing tooth and nail to lose three months ago. I'm solidly underweight. I haven't been this weight since I was sixteen. I'm only a few pounds away from the ultimate weight goal I had my heart set on in high school and never quite reached. I'm so close. I can do this. It's like a sign. I might never be in this position again and especially not if I get pregnant, so I should act now and drop the weight now, right? I feel like a new person and not in the way I thought I was before I stepped on the scale.

Like... I know objectively this isn't good (I guess?) but I've been almost shaking with excitement since I saw that number and I feel so good about myself (even though I don't really feel like I can take credit, because it was kind of an accident) and my motivation is through the roof and I really can't share any of these feelings with anyone else, which is why I had to type it all out here.

---

the only time i see the scale go down is when i dont eat at all and im so sick of it
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Tue Jun 5 06:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqach/the_only_time_i_see_the_scale_go_down_is_when_i/
---
seriously. i, more than anyone, know its just CICO. i now averaging 400 calories a week means im losing. i know its probably food waste, water retention from working out, etc. but i still *hate* it.

I went from 104.0 to 105.4 after eating 780 cals sunday night, only 400 of those were solid foods. but yes they were salty. so i liquid fasted, had very little salt, drank loads of water...and today im still only down to 104.4. (tmi but i pooped BEFORE the 105.4 weigh in so there shouldnt even be that much food weight in me AT ALL now). if anything, i should be at least 103.6 now since i netted -250 yesterday. but no, stiiiil working that water weight off...because of 12 fuckin curly fries.... the human body is so fucking dumb sometimes i stg.

if i dont see under 104 tomorrow after another day of liquid fasting im going to impulse buy another scale again.

---

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday June 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jun 5 06:10:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqa26/thinspo_tuesday_june_05_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.

*****

Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

---

Daily Food Diary! June 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Jun 5 06:10:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oqa0q/daily_food_diary_june_05_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 05, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

---

Pleasantly surprised with weight!
/u/goddamnroommate
Created: Tue Jun 5 06:04:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oq8s3/pleasantly_surprised_with_weight/
---
So I've been all over in the past year and a half-ish. Mainly in Korea. I really didn't like it there, I think mostly because of my own personality. But anyway, I was stuck there for a year, working pretty long, stressful hours. I gained weight. from 148 to about 170-173. I was miserable. It was like the chocolate/food at the end of the day was the only good part of the day, so i over did it.

Then I went to germany for a month and a half. Didnt weigh myself at all because i wanted to die. But, my situation got better, and I was in a really great place. I was working out, rarely overeating, etc.

So I just got back home yesterday, and made the decision to step on the scale for a moment of truth (or a new starting weight).

im 163.5!! I know that's a dizzyingly high number, but I was expecting like 175 or something, so it's comparatively not trash!! I can work with this! I was so depressed that it was going to feel impossible and like i had gained too much weight. But the last time i had a depression year, i gained 60lbs. this time "only" 16! I can breathe again. I have 3 months before I go anywhere else, so this is totally doable!

---

[Rant/Rave] just ED things: doing squats / exercises every time I go to the bathroom
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Tue Jun 5 06:00:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oq7wd/just_ed_things_doing_squats_exercises_every_time/
---
Every time I go to the bathroom, I hide in the stall and do 20 or more squats or some other exercise \(that can be done easily in this amount of space\) If anyone walks in I panic but I don't think they can see me.... i'll do anything to burn an extra few cals lmao rip

Sometimes I forget but at least I get my exercises in lol

---

Im so ugly and people treat me poorly because of it. It ruins my appetite.
/u/lostspirit10
Created: Tue Jun 5 05:59:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oq7pi/im_so_ugly_and_people_treat_me_poorly_because_of/
---
Im so ugly, I get dirty looks from people on the street both guys and girls. They furrow their brows at me, look at me up and down. It makes me angry! I come home crying until I nearly vomit because im so hideous. Im 23 yet never had a Bf so that should confirm how ugly I am.

I feel if im not pretty, at least I can be thin. If im overweight its going to make the quality of my life even worse!! Sometimes I want to get to the point where im so thin, people will just focus on that than my stupid ugly face.

Anyone feel similar?

---

How accurate are FitBit calories burned?
/u/caookie
Created: Tue Jun 5 05:46:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oq4ws/how_accurate_are_fitbit_calories_burned/
---
Hi! I just recently got a Fitbit HR (the ones that track heart rate) and I’m wondering how accurate the calories burned are? On sedentary days it seems to estimate close enough to my TDEE, 1400. But on days where I take 10,000+ steps I get closer to 1800? I’m 5’3” and 91lbs, I feel like there’s no way I burn that many calories.

I’m trying to maintain at the moment, so I really need to eat back exercise calories. I’m not trying to gain weight either though, and I don’t always have access to a scale to track it, so I’m just wondering if anyone else has had experience with this.

Thanks :)

---

[Discussion] DAE punish themselves with food?
/u/obama_means_family
Created: Tue Jun 5 05:33:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oq28x/dae_punish_themselves_with_food/
---
Mobile is acting weird, pls flair as rant/rave

So I guess to give context to the title I'm currently in South Carolina visiting my friend in the Navy. Over the course of the weekend it became very clear that we were more than just friends, sort of a culmination of all the tension from the last several years. Maybe we were just finally in a place where we could start something, I don't know. Anyway we spent the entire weekend walking around exploring downtown, goit to the beach, meeting his shipmates, and so on. Yesterday he went to work and finished up early enough that he was able to come see me again before I leave. Saying goodbye at the end was tearful for both of us and one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Twenty minutes after he left I realized he forgot his leftovers. His response was "too late" since we both knew he can't see me today before I leave. I'm out to other people as a semi-vegetarian (no beef or pork) and I have had each of those meats maaaaybe 3 times in the last 8 months. His leftovers were Mac and cheese, beans, my chicken that I just put in his box, and ribs. And for some reason as soon as he left I just kinda wanted to punish myself. No idea why. Maybe it's because I feel like I messed up our goodbye by crying so much. Or maybe I'm just a dumbass for picking a guy that is going to be really hard to love. Or maybe it's because I know I won't have any problems with making it to my goals because I will only see him two or three times for the rest of the year. At any rate for some reason all I could think about was eating those ribs. I didn't enjoy them at all, my stomach is upset (I knew it would be, hence the punishment from the title). I feel awful mentally and physically knowing that that those ribs are in my body... Which is exactly what me of last night wanted? I have no idea why I'm like this...

---

[Discussion] DAE watch Mukbang ASMRs to feel satiated when restricting?
/u/paifagoras
Created: Tue Jun 5 05:31:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oq1v7/dae_watch_mukbang_asmrs_to_feel_satiated_when/
---
I am currently restricting to 400 calories a day and it's difficult. I don't know if it's just me, but when I watch Mukbang asmr it makes me feel full.

---

[Rant/Rave] Fuck this box of crackers.
/u/VigilantDiscipline
Created: Tue Jun 5 05:25:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oq0ps/fuck_this_box_of_crackers/
---
I live abroad, and when my friend visited home recently, he returned with a box of my favorite crackers. Said favorite crackers are sitting on my desk, staring at me, trying to get me to break my fast and binge the entire box in one sitting. And I just have to say, FUCK THIS BOX OF CRACKERS.

I mean, it was really nice of my friend to think of me, but seriously, fuck every single one of these cheesey, triggering squares. 14 hours into a fast after binging yesterday and the last thing I want is to eat yet another 3 days' worth of calories in a single session of stuffing my stupid, bottomless abyss of a face. Yet, all I can think about is opening that box and pouring it down my gullet.

I could put the box out of sight and out of mind, sure, but you know what? I will not let a box of fucking crackers control me. I will stare at it until I convince myself that I am stronger than a box of crackers. I am a human being. You are a box of crackers. Fuck off. I will not let you have any power over me.

But brb, going to sew my mouth shut just in case I'm not in fact stronger than a box of crackers. T\_T

---

What even is lunch?
/u/MsFaceless
Created: Tue Jun 5 05:18:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8opzhe/what_even_is_lunch/
---
I haven't eaten breakfast or lunch in such a long time.

Got a new colleague recently that leaves at lunch time to go to the shops and buy food, he always offers to buy me something, and I always decline.

What must he think when my 'lunch' is a cup of hot water with apple cider vinegar and small tsp of honey?

I'm hungry you guys, but I don't eat.

---

UK low cal ice cream comparison
/u/acosed
Created: Tue Jun 5 04:15:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8opnlr/uk_low_cal_ice_cream_comparison/
---
i was wondering what brand (halo top, oppo, breyers delights, moophoria) people liked best? especially where they do the same flavour eg: who does the best vanilla ice cream: halo top, oppo, or breyers?

imo, oppo does the best chocolate one, and moophoria has the best cookie dough one.

opinions,

---

[Discussion] Mukbang videos??
/u/hannahbananapyjama
Created: Tue Jun 5 03:33:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8opg9b/mukbang_videos/
---
Does anyone else watch these? And who are your faves? And why?

I live vicariously thru Lady T Sensations Popeyes eating videos and I love her personality 😭😭😭😭😭

I’ve been watching for hours and could watch all day honestly. Does this make me a masochist???

I can practically taste what they’re tasting. Ughhhhhhhh fuck!!! ☹️

---

[Help] No scale and in a different country/traveling
/u/cafesitoconpan
Created: Tue Jun 5 03:16:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8opdfr/no_scale_and_in_a_different_countrytraveling/
---
I’m an American abroad for the summer in England. I’m staying with some family but they eat really unhealthy. One of them asked me to help them with their diet so that helped relieve some anxiety when I was able to pick things out at the grocery store. But, they said they’d just follow my lead and eat what I eat 🙈 which is stressful having someone wanting to copy what you eat when you don’t eat! I try to make vegetarian meals for us and then just eat small portions and I only eat in front of them.

The problem is we’ve been traveling a lot and I love it but it’s been a double edged sword. When we travel we have to stop at places like McDonald’s but then there’s also long periods before we eat again (which is great but options at McDonald’s are all like 300cal). We recently went camping for a week and all there was were hot dogs and burgers. We also went to another country that had cheap fried food in VENDING MACHINE type things. They drink a lot here so I’ve been drinking more than I have back home and just thinking about all the calories 😥

I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining about being lucky enough to travel and have all these experiences but my ED is definitely messing up having fun here. I wish I could be like in Eat Pray Love and eat, travel, gain weight and not give a crap. But my family also wants me to send pictures but I feel like such a whale I only have one picture of me and I’ve been here a month.

I’m rambling but I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. The worst part is there’s no scale in the house so I don’t know how much I weigh. Seeing pictures of my body triggers me more than seeing numbers on a scale, I don’t know what to do.

---

[Discussion] I am my own worst enemy - I am currently trying to get people to tell me I'm fat so I can do something about it
/u/SpeckledCollie
Created: Tue Jun 5 02:47:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8op8u9/i_am_my_own_worst_enemy_i_am_currently_trying_to/
---
So I have a new friend who is very open with what he thinks about women's bodies. Like, on one hand, he needs to wind his neck in, but on the other hand I love it. Like, if someone who has high opinions of what constitutes as thin thinks that I'm thin, then I'm winning. Similarly when people comment on my "hourglass" figure... keep it coming, guys, because it's motivation to lose it.

" If you took care of yourself, you could be gorgeous"

"If you don't get up you'll get fatter"

" Alcohol has calories"

"You're a big girl, not fat... just British."

Wow I'm fucked up.

---

Called "fat" while in anorexia recovery/relapse?
/u/cheeseontheritz
Created: Tue Jun 5 02:25:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8op5h8/called_fat_while_in_anorexia_recoveryrelapse/
---
I'm a guy recovering from anorexia/bulimia (who has had it for about 6 years). It peaked last summer when my life really went to hell, but I finally started getting some help a few months ago from a clinical doctor. I'm 5'8" and my lowest weight was 99 pounds (that's a 15.1 BMI). Over the past three months I've gained some weight and now I'm around 111 pounds (16.9 BMI).

Yesterday I was at work and met up with one of my old coworkers that I haven't seen in a few months (before I started gaining weight). She hadn't seen me since I started recovering, and her first comment when she saw me was, "Wow, since when did your face get fat?" I didn't know what to say because my appearance in recovery has always been an issue, but I just assumed that it was the disorder talking and distorting my image. I was shocked and just laughed it off (I'm not sure if she meant anything bad by it or if she was joking?) but it completely sent me for a tailspin. I already hadn't ate that day and that sent me over the edge not to eat at all. I then got back home after work and forced myself to throw up whatever I had ate the day before that was still in my system (it wasn't a lot and it was really acidic, so it was pretty painful to throw up).

I'm so embarrassed that I relapsed after so long of doing good, but I'm so embarrassed that I'm seemingly so much fatter now that people are noticing. I used to be the fat kid in middle school and ever since then I'm so humiliated by the idea of being overweight (it makes me feel like a failure) and now I'm just succumbed by this feelings of failure all over again. I don't know what I should do now or what's more embarrassing and I'm just looking for some advice. Thanks.

---

[Rant/Rave] Exams and eating
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Tue Jun 5 02:16:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8op42b/exams_and_eating/
---
Guys, every day I sink deeper into this fucking disorder. I have my first a level exam today and for months I’ve been like “ok get your weight down before exams bc you’ll have to eat properly during exams for energy and focus yadda yadda yadda”. Woke up this morning with more of a fear over eating than my exam. Im fucked up. If I don’t get at least a B in this I’m not going to university and I’m concerned about getting to 110lbs???!!!!

---

My boyfriend is Asian and his views on body image are making me worse
/u/borderinglines
Created: Tue Jun 5 01:52:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8op0d4/my_boyfriend_is_asian_and_his_views_on_body_image/
---
I don’t know what I’m hoping to get out of this post. My boyfriend says that he prefers me at my lower weight (115) than my high weight (131). I know he isn’t trying to be harmful, he’s just being honest but it puts me on edge.

My boyfriends ex is shorter than me and looks like she has a BMI of 15. It’s extremely disheartening and I’ve pretty much convinced myself that he’s going to leave me because I’m not petite enough. He noticed that I don’t eat until later in the day and told me when he gained weight, he would intermittent fast a lot and lose track of time, so by the time he got home, he’d feel like crap from not eating. He said he wants me to eat more often because he’s scared I’m going to get faint. Yes, please trigger me with your fasting stories and then proceed to tell me to eat more.

Then I have my mom screaming at me because I’m losing weight again and when I weighed less, all she would do is tell me (shout at me) how bad I look. I don’t know if maybe I looked thinner because I work out a lot but either way she exaggerates. I’m an adult, i can’t stand being picked apart by my family members. I’m not a teenage girl anymore. I’m so close to losing it, I can feel it.

---

(Long) SO wants me to track their calories!?!?
/u/sassyskipper
Created: Tue Jun 5 00:56:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ooqya/long_so_wants_me_to_track_their_calories/
---
My SO (whom I will refer to as Alex) wants me to start helping track their calories. Alex and I have been together several years, so they are aware of my relationship with food/eating. Alex has recently put on quite a bit of weight after settling down with me, probably up by about 40 pounds since we first got together. I would love to help Alex stay healthy and gradually lose weight, but I'm not sure I'm mentally capable of doing that! I don't often document my own intake, as it tends to lead to pretty regular binges because "oh look I'm 80 calories over fuck it where's my kraft dinner?!". I'm teaching Alex a bit about calories and nutrition to my best ability without accidentally saying something too disordered (Alex believes I am recovered). Today my SO learned the dangers of fruit juice and how "No, its not good for you to drink 5 glasses of juice. "

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I'm very very tired.

But I'm pretty sure helping Alex develop healthier eating habits, I'll spiral back down into my extremely unhealthy habits due to the new focus of calories and weight loss, even when it's not my own body. No I would never starve my SO, and I don't think Alex would ever even allow it. But I guess it's just that mindset. "Oh Alex is eating a little less? Let me just start cut out 300 more calories out of my already fairly restricted intake!"

I don't want to just not do anything, because Alex is starting to notice how cumbersome a nearly obese body is, and I love Alex. I want a lot and healthy life for my SO.

And I guess it's an opportunity for me to lose weight more than ever before.

---

[Rant/Rave] Abbey Lee Kershaw
/u/OrganicEggWhite
Created: Tue Jun 5 00:27:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oolgw/abbey_lee_kershaw/
---
She's the most gorgeous woman ever. She's 5'11.5" and 115lbs, putting her at a bmi of 15.8. God I hope she's okay.

---

[Other] Found out the key to restriction is divorce.
/u/Awkward_Mermaid
Created: Tue Jun 5 00:14:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ooj8x/found_out_the_key_to_restriction_is_divorce/
---
Flaired as other because I didn't know what to put.

The title is pretty self explainatory. I've finally accepted that I need to get a divorce. I'm so miserable with my marriage and I know that it's rubbing off on him even if he is blissfully unaware. We've been together 7 years on the 15th of this month and I just can't do it anymore. We want such different things and I resent him for holding me back. I honestly don't think he's gonna see it coming though. Like he knows we have issues and I've brought up the topic of separating before but I guess maybe he doesn't think I'll really do it? It makes me feel so fucking bad that I'm about to turn his world upside down though; I still care for the man, he's the father of my child, I just can't keep living the lie that I'm at all happy in our relationship. So with all the guilt and anxiety of what's to come, I feel down right sick even just thinking about food. In the last 3 days I've had a fiber one bar and a small salad and they both landed me in the bathroom for the evening. It's fucked up but right now I'm considering it the silver lining of having to deal with a divorce and possible custody battle. And hey once I move out my groceries will be cheaper because I'll basically only have to buy for my daughter.

Sorry for the long post I just needed to vent and you guys are always so understanding.

---

Any experiences with PHP?
/u/aladyofquality
Created: Tue Jun 5 00:09:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ooi9f/any_experiences_with_php/
---
Hey everyone! I went for an assessment at a treatment center this week, and the clinical team there recommended I go for PHP treatment over IOP. I wasn't expecting this \(though I probably should have been, haha\).

I am kind of excited to have some help in this, and I feel like this might give me a chance to get out from under my eating disorder, but I'm also very, very scared about all the things that might come with actually going through the program \(weight gain, in particular\). This is also my first time getting "real" treatment \(I went to a few counselors who were not specialists in that area, so haven't gotten any particularly legitimate ED help before\), so I don't know what to expect.

Does anyone have any experiences \(good? bad?\) with PHP? What should I be prepared for? What were the best and worst parts? Did anybody here find any success?

---

What is your very favorite tea to keep your hunger away during the day? :)
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Mon Jun 4 23:38:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oocd6/what_is_your_very_favorite_tea_to_keep_your/
---

---

100 Pound Club?
/u/UnrecoverableFuss
Created: Mon Jun 4 23:22:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oo9ck/100_pound_club/
---
Hey y'all - 100 pound club check-in? Who else has lost/gained 100 pounds or more?

I recently realized that without the internet I might literally think I was the only person diagnosed with anorexia who had also been so ridiculously obese, but the more I lurk around here, the more I realize I'm not alone.

What brought you to your highest? Your lowest? How do people react who have known you at both weights? I honestly actually think no one, even my parents, have seen me at both my HW and LW.

---

[Other] Lol test yo self
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Mon Jun 4 23:19:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oo8uq/lol_test_yo_self/
---
https://www.buzzfeed.com/francescaarea/guess-how-many-calories-fast-food?utm_term=.gf9jjejB7y#.gf9jjejB7y

---

[Help] been doing pretty well for the past few days, but now i’m feeling like shit
/u/2ndfirstday
Created: Mon Jun 4 23:11:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oo75e/been_doing_pretty_well_for_the_past_few_days_but/
---
i can’t focus on my work. i can’t focus on anything. i’m tired and useless. what do you all do to get rid of this?

---

Shout out to the Ballet Beautiful workout on Youtube
/u/finnkat
Created: Mon Jun 4 23:04:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oo5qj/shout_out_to_the_ballet_beautiful_workout_on/
---
Y'all, this [60 minute workout playlist](https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPi4Hf0Y-gHH8R5YXF94otuFWkpfK2i9c) is life changing. It's short, you can do it while lying in bed, and results are quick if you stick with it. You can also just choose a couple videos if you don't wanna do the full playlist. I mostly worry about my inner thigh chub and my tummy chub so being able to do two 10 minute workouts a day to hit those spots, while lying down on my floor in my pajamas, is amazing.

---

[Help] A man just yelled “Fat Bitch” at me from his car
/u/Doctordoomduck
Created: Mon Jun 4 22:51:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oo38y/a_man_just_yelled_fat_bitch_at_me_from_his_car/
---
I don’t know what to do with this. I’ve had one slice of buttered toast, 1 Hershey bar, and two 100calorie coffees today. I’m doing the best I can. I’m 40 pounds down. I still look like a fat bitch. I was gonna have a chicken breast for dinner, but..... I don’t know if I can now.

---

Peach
/u/Dingletringle2
Created: Mon Jun 4 22:49:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oo2w5/peach/
---
Who am I supposed to follow for Ed related posts on peach.

---

Perhaps I will be kind tonight
/u/hannahbananapyjama
Created: Mon Jun 4 22:38:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oo0pl/perhaps_i_will_be_kind_tonight/
---
And allow myself the other half of the can of black beans I ate today. But, then I relinquish self control. Then I lose my power over myself.

But I did do a load of laundry today. I did drag myself out of bed and tidy the room. I put on makeup. I’ve only had half of the can, a 20cal pack of seaweed and a protein bar. So much water and one Diet Coke.

But I am still disgusting looking. And the temporary joy of eating will not make me think otherwise.

I’m stuck. ☹️

---

A man just screamed “Fat Bitch” at me from his car.
/u/Doctordoomduck
Created: Mon Jun 4 22:22:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8onxhg/a_man_just_screamed_fat_bitch_at_me_from_his_car/
---
I don’t know what to do with this. I’ve had one slice of buttered toast, 1 Hershey bar, and two 100calorie coffees today. I’m doing the best I can. I’m 40 pounds down. I still look like a fat bitch. I was gonna have a chicken breast for dinner, but..... I don’t know if I can now.

---

Brain burns calories
/u/Jwish91
Created: Mon Jun 4 21:58:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8onsa7/brain_burns_calories/
---
I went to a dietician yesterday for the first time (at the request of my dietician) and she told me that our brain burns 500cal a day.

I thought this was a fun fact. I liked knowing that I was burning an extra 500cal that I didn’t realise! Thought some of you might find it interesting :)

---

can't sleep because i can't stop thinking about my thighs and hot pathetic i am
/u/lose20poundsfatbitch
Created: Mon Jun 4 21:23:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8onkzf/cant_sleep_because_i_cant_stop_thinking_about_my/
---
i just want to rant

it's been 2 years since i've gained weight it's been 2 years since i've wanted to lose weight but i've stayed the same but my stress has increases 400%

i literally can't sleep i can't sleep on my side because my thighs press together and it's disgusting i can't sleep on my back because my thighs expand i can't sleep on my back because my stomach still pudges out which is terribly pathetic and i can't stop focusing on how pathetic pathetic pathetic i am

i don't know why i'm so obsessed with my thighs and stomach

i want to be a normal person

i'm sorry i don't know why i'm posting here i'm sorry for spamming this sub with my worthless thoughts

---

Restrict. Binge. Purge.
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Mon Jun 4 20:44:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8onc0f/restrict_binge_purge/
---
Anyone else restrict extremely low all day and then binge on relatively healthy food at night, only to purge it all? I just want to make sure I'm not the only one. Even though I throw everything up I feel fat.

---

[Help] Hunger cues strong af as I get dropped from treatment
/u/SquirrelMcPants
Created: Mon Jun 4 20:22:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8on715/hunger_cues_strong_af_as_i_get_dropped_from/
---
So I lost my job while I was in residential (as I hadn’t been there in 3 months or so, it’s for the best really), and I came to find out that I no longer have health insurance, so my PHP program dropped me until I can get my insurance figured out, which may take up to three weeks.

Meanwhile, they stuffed me full of calories in res enough to make me gain 20 pounds (!!!) which I posted about previously, so my hunger cues have come back to the point I am now ravenous all the time.

This happened to me last time I was in res and came out—I developed BED and gained 100 pounds, just to freak out and relapse, thereby losing the same 100 pounds within two years. I was so close to my GW before I entered treatment, and now I’m horrified and deathly afraid I started the cycle over again.

Any help or kind words would be appreciated.

---

[Discussion] I SURVIVED DAY TWO!!
/u/fizzyvelvet
Created: Mon Jun 4 20:16:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8on5m2/i_survived_day_two/
---
woke up this morning and cooked for my mom but didn't touch a single thing 👏. mom made this big ass plate of mashed potatoes and fried chicken (when i say big ass, i mean normal people portions) but i "ate" (tossed the food into a plastic bag while having it all set up so that if somebody entered the room, it would look like i was eating). didn't even try a spoonful, although i did sniff the chicken almost dangerously long. almost.

Ok, so I slipped up a bit and ate a little bit of the breading off a piece of chicken (literally the smallest amount), but I'm hella under my TDEE.

Idk why, but I'm paranoid that I'll gain weight drinking tea with truvia... even though it's one cup a day and no calories.

next step: convincing myself that I can eat one 500 cal meal a day and still lose weight...

side note, i start my job at McDonald's (LMFAO I KNOW) next week, so I'll have to either stock up on water or hope my "just one chicken nugget" actually stops at one chicken nugget 😂 today was actually so good! i can see myself making it past day three 😃

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[Rant/Rave] Extending my IF window from 40:8 to 24:0!! :)
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Mon Jun 4 20:09:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8on3yf/extending_my_if_window_from_408_to_240/
---
I made this side account because on my main I lurk in this sub, but don't want anyone from my other subs to know I still have this mindset. I was never underweight in HS and could never stick to restricting very long, and then I got stuck in HAES/Fat Acceptance and felt so weird about being skinnyfat I decided my options were either to be obese or to be stick thin. I became obese, called that *recovery from restricting* (as if I had ever actually restricted enough), and got miserable.

Now, almost 2 years later, I'm back at a healthy weight and it's great... Except I'm skinnyfat again. I started doing IF and then tried multi day fasts that ended with binges. I've been doing alternate day fasts and only breaking them so they would be alternate days... But eating doesn't excite me as much as meal planning, prepping, and cooking does! I love doing this for other people and I feel so powerful when I'm surrounded by food and don't partake.

I was with my mom at a store and her 300lbs 5'1" friend left us go to eat because she was "starving" after not eating all day... I was 20+ hours into a 40 hour fast. It was so depressing... She genuinely just responds to every craving and I DON'T want to be like that.

I just started my fasting timer and I'm determined to break my 60hr record, and the best part is that I'll be staying with a friend for a few days who knows I'm fasting and is okay with me doing this??? He seems like he's also got an ED, tbh, and he said he'll keep an eye on me but he is super open to helping me lie to his housemate to pretend I'm actually eating lmao. I have ingredients for nearly nothing soups and I feel like I'll be safe for a few days like that, then I'll just need to figure out how to lie to other friends I'll be staying with.

I mentioned I'm never actually satisfied breaking fast, I just do it out of feeling obligated. The excitement to eat disappears before the timer runs out. I'm usually just frustrated I'll have to reset the timer. My friend said he noticed and thought I'd probably feel better with a longer fast!!! What the fuck yes.

Anyway I just wanted to say hi and that I'm just so excited to stop eating for a few days hell yeah... it's nice to get this off my chest I'm so tired of pretending I don't have a problem just because I don't want people to freak out and try to get me to eat every single day

---

[Tip] Tips for healing self-harm wounds fast?
/u/_comethrowawaywithme
Created: Mon Jun 4 20:08:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8on3vy/tips_for_healing_selfharm_wounds_fast/
---
I cut myself pretty badly last week (not deeply, they're pretty superficial, but quantitatively) and I hate that I didn't have the foresight to do it somewhere that hot weather clothes wouldn't expose...

I'm tired of sweating like a pig in long sleeves during the day and wearing an itchy brace in order to leave my apartment in proper workout clothes at night...

---

Bronkaid/Ephedrine
/u/skinnykitty1
Created: Mon Jun 4 19:29:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8omubz/bronkaidephedrine/
---
I keep seeing anecdotal comments how about Bronkaid is dangerous for the cardiovascular system, but I haven't seen any actual data on it. Is ephedrine actually dangerous? Is it more dangerous over time? Is it dose and time dependent? I have an ECA stack for lunch every day, and have been for a while. Knowledge is power, so anything you lovely peeps have to share would be appreciated!

---

[Discussion] Thinspo: Guess the measurements
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Mon Jun 4 19:11:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8omq3i/thinspo_guess_the_measurements/
---
If this is inappropriate/not allowed let me know and I can delete, but I was thinking people could post their (celebrity) thinspos here and then other people could help try to guess their height/weight/measurements. I know there are some websites that do this but the numbers always look weirdly high to me, so I thought you guys might be better at it.

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Looking to make friends
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Mon Jun 4 18:55:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8omm0a/looking_to_make_friends/
---
Do we have a place to sort of talk? Like discord or a newly found thing I discovered... peach? I’m looking to make a few friends or so.. I feel alone with this.

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[Help] What is "Peach"?
/u/BronArianwyn
Created: Mon Jun 4 18:11:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8omb6s/what_is_peach/
---
Hi, sorry, total newb but I got this fancy phone and thought about this app i see mentioned on here, and cant find much else about it but thought all of you might be willing to help me fummble about as i get it started? what is it, and is our community on it or is it more of another place like here to rant and rave?

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I’m really low right now
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Mon Jun 4 17:51:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8om6an/im_really_low_right_now/
---
I had a terrible binge today. Probably close to 2000. I couldn’t stop myself. One second I was thinking fuck it it doesn’t matter and the next I was cussing myself out for stuffing my face. And now I’m trying to work out but I can’t stop looking at my fat gross stomach. I’ve been punching it but that’s not making me feel better. And on top of this I’m fucking pissed off about everything. I came out and Just started screaming and punching/ throwing things. I hate myself so much.

---

...
/u/Firerose157
Created: Mon Jun 4 17:45:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8om4mz/_/
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Our home is being destroyed by lava, I have limited wifi due to the situation and work online primarily (feel me?), I pay off a bank loan and phone bill monthly but am running low on work due to my sitatuon so I'm struggling to get by this month, I left most of my belongings at that house and now am relying on a shelter for almost everything (one good thing - the girls at the shelter have called me tiny and small which really helped me confidence - I saw a full-body mirror too and almost liked what I saw? Tried on some jeans and they didn't fit though and I was right back to "too big" lol). I feel so lost, I want to pay off my loan and find more work, get a car, all of that. They have one car and I have no desicion in where or when we go, I feel so trapped and want a car to get around, go work more and buy groceries and all the things we need. I feel pathetic but every time I fight with my partner or feel trapped by our situation and want to get out, drive, I get the urge to self-harm, and I promised my partner I wouldn't but it's been so bad I feel I need some release? I get so damn stressed I feel like the only thing that will release the pressure is hurting myself or maybe vomiting (which I haven't done). Restricting's been enough for the past few months - a perfect crutch to prevent self-harm (well restricting kinda is that but you know what I mean), but now I find no satisfaction out of really anything. I took up crocheting about a week ago, and have a few books from the shelter to read, and it's great - coffee's another tiny satisfaction, but I feel if I don't get my financial situation figured out (if I could pay off my dues and have enough for a car + find another job, I'd be fucking ecstatic).

I know this isn't ED related much, but I'm so lost. My mind is screaming "Please help", but why?

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[Rant/Rave] Bye good luck with your saggy boob skin
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Mon Jun 4 17:31:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8om14c/bye_good_luck_with_your_saggy_boob_skin/
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I'm fucking fuming. Some moron who I knew a year ago and thought was a decent guy just said that me. Then blocked me on Snapchat, lol. He got all pissy because "I ruined the streak." So I said "ok bye then". At least it saves me the time of blocking him! Which I did anyway!

I didn't know boys were so fucking petty over this. Like I'm sorry that I don't have time to return your text because I work full time taking care of dementia people! And I'm sorry that my body is "ugly" because I have "deformed grandma tits"! Like I don't fucking care if you're a boob guy because nobody asked you! And finally, I don't care that "you liked me when I had bigger boobs." Clearly my personality or hobbies don't matter at all. He's a fucking pig. Why the hell am I crying over a piece of shit waste of life anyway?

Thank you for taking the time to point out my "nipple slip" when I was confident enough to post a bikini selfie for the first time since my ED. That's loose skin you fucking dick. And to all those guys who say they prefer smaller breasts, well that's only if they're perky and not the fucking saggy grandma ones like I have.

I'm tempted to see if anyone on here will add me or something. See that fucktard on the top of my queue is bothering me. Is there anyway to delete it? I'm so fucking angry that I was going to eat dinner and now I can't.

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[Help] I’m 1 year recovered, still have sleep problems, anyone have a fix?
/u/SStarte
Created: Mon Jun 4 16:30:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ollet/im_1_year_recovered_still_have_sleep_problems/
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Currently weightlift, cycle, and run eating about 2800-3000 calories a day however I still have sleep problems that originated when I first got my ED 2 years ago. What are some solutions you guys use to sleep?

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[Help] What is Peach?
/u/pieceoftrashno13
Created: Mon Jun 4 16:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oldec/what_is_peach/
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Dumb question but I see people mention peach on this sub sometimes and I have no clue what it is. Could someone do me a solid and explain?

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[Other] Anyone else look at their fitbit before they decide what to eat?
/u/tjmacd
Created: Mon Jun 4 15:50:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8olak6/anyone_else_look_at_their_fitbit_before_they/
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I always check my steps and calories burnt in order to decide what I can eat. Example today I was at the corner store across from my work looked to see I was at 32k steps and only half way trough my open/close shift so figured eating a Jamaican patty and a monster Java wouldn't hurt since I'll still be in a deficit.

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Can EDs cause high white blood cell count?
/u/anhedonicandlaconic
Created: Mon Jun 4 15:45:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ol92b/can_eds_cause_high_white_blood_cell_count/
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I got a full set of labs done and I'm not deficient in anything but my lymph and BUN is too high. The BUN I can chalk up to me being scared of water and having all my safe foods be protein but what is going on with the lymph? Everything online says EDs cause them to be low?

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So proud of myself this past week. Stayed on restriction target, and went down 3lbs.
/u/PerfctBodyPerfctSoul
Created: Mon Jun 4 15:43:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ol8j0/so_proud_of_myself_this_past_week_stayed_on/
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https://imgur.com/93sQLFH

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[Rant] I called out of work because I binged.
/u/pailblusea
Created: Mon Jun 4 15:42:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ol85m/rant_i_called_out_of_work_because_i_binged/
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And I feel so guilty. ☹️

On mobile, can't flair.

I never call out of work and we are chronically short-staffed. I panicked and said I had food poisoning but I am a bad liar...how am I even supposed to sound when I am really sick? I mean, I do feel physically bad but not enough to warrant a call out.

Over the weekend I ate around 12000 calories (saved the wrappers and added it all up this morning..ugh). I am up 13 lbs on the scale and intense bloating. My face looks like someone inflated it with air. And it's greasy and blotchy. The sweating is unreal and I don't sweat when I eat my normal diet. I am fucking gross right now.

People at work trigger me. Everyone has something to say about my weight loss EVERY TIME I WORK. Some people say I look great, some negative people tell me I am too skinny. Others ask if I ever eat *blah blah blah*... Thoughts in my head today before having to go into work is *they're gonna think I failed whatever diet they are convinced I do. They're gonna be smug I look fat and like shit. They won't want to talk to me when I am this much bigger. They will spend too much time trying to figure out my weight gain.*

I know this is mostly water weight gain and it will come off in a week (I love to fast) so mostly I am just ashamed of myself. Leaving my coworkers short-staffed because I am a selfish piece of shit. This is a new low for me. I am terrified it will be a habit. I need this job and the money, why the fuck am I allowing this? I don't even know right now that I can pay my power bill without borrowing money again. SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP. 🙄😒

I am sorry to shitpost. Just needed to get this off my chest. 😐

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Sushi calories..
/u/warmbagel53
Created: Mon Jun 4 15:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ol5zl/sushi_calories/
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I used to LOVE sushi and now of course it's a fear food for me because of how hard it is to track😞 all I had was a salmon & avocado roll and a shrimp & cucumber roll. MFP says that tiny meal was 470 CALORIES. Is that even accurate?! Both rolls had white rice on the outside, if that is any help. Well good thing I skipped breakfast this morning or else I really would've had a panic attack

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i miss my ed
/u/ronialys
Created: Mon Jun 4 14:49:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8okst5/i_miss_my_ed/
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and i really genuinely mean it. as shitty as it was, i miss how it made me feel.

i miss having control, and being able to say no. i miss seeing the weight go and the scale creep down. i miss being lightheaded all the fucking time and people worrying if i was okay.

i was never thin but i miss my lw. i want to be back there and even more. i need to lose weight anyway and i know i’m not going to go too far bc my family literally won’t let me. but i miss my ed and i’m not mad about relapsing

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[Rant/Rave] Got in a small car crash, and due to anorexia-related brittle bones, this happened. At least I found out that I am technically underweight at the hospital yesterday...🖤🖤
/u/Derpy_Purple
Created: Mon Jun 4 14:23:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8okkun/got_in_a_small_car_crash_and_due_to/
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https://i.redd.it/faa8zesim1211.jpg

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I know every disordered person says this, but I’m gonna really, truly try to get to my UGW and recover
/u/atexasgal
Created: Mon Jun 4 14:03:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8okf18/i_know_every_disordered_person_says_this_but_im/
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Warning: this’ll be super long, just my semi angry ramblings sorry lol

When I was eleven years old, I remember pinching the fat on the side of my stomach and decided I needed to change. 5’4 and 108 lbs, I started eating 7-800 calories per day. I soon dropped to under 100 and it was the best feeling I had ever felt.

Fast forward a few years and here I am. Now I’m 5’6.5 and 121 lbs as of today. Until about 4 months ago, I was only 112 and semi happy. But then, due to bingeing and stress, I gained. And I’ve never felt shittier (ok I totally have but hyperbole or whatever)

This fall, I’m transferring schools. I see it as kind of a new start for me and I really don’t want to start there with my awful self esteem and insecurities about my weight. I know that everybody says that you won’t be happier at your GW. But I just remember little sixth grade me and how amazing being at my GW felt. I’m gonna try it.

Does anybody else get the feeling of being a “lazy restricter”? Recently, I’ve been restricting around 800 per day and if I go a single calorie over then I just say fuck it and binge. It’s the worst feeling. I’m gonna do my best to try and actually restrict soon and realize that eating 801 calories a day is better than 3k.

Anyways, idk just kinda wanted to ramble a little, sorry.

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[Discussion] Fellow or former “chewing and spitting” sufferers, I have a few questions?
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Mon Jun 4 13:25:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ok3ei/fellow_or_former_chewing_and_spitting_sufferers_i/
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1. Did your disorder cause excessive gas?
2. Did it cause any digestive issues?
3. What percentage of the calories form the food you “chewed and spit” would you say your body actually absorbed?

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I'm turning 20 in two weeks and no matter what I do, I don't feel like I deserve to spend the day how I had planned. Pointless long rant incoming lol
/u/PM_M3_UR_SECRETS
Created: Mon Jun 4 13:13:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ok048/im_turning_20_in_two_weeks_and_no_matter_what_i/
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When I stick to my ~~healthy~~ 1200 calories I maintain or even gain weight and I feel disgustingly bloated.

When I high restrict I feel fake and like a fraud and like I'm not even trying because I'm not low restricting.

When I do low restrict I feel physically weak and am a total bitch to everyone, I used to feel accomplished and amazing when I fasted or stuck to a sub 500 limit, now I don't get that high anymore because it still doesn't feel like I'm trying hard enough.

I never feel like I actually lost any weight because as soon as I hit a new LW that becomes the new standard and it immediately doesn't feel like an accomplishment anymore. I'm already past my second (technically fourth lol) GW and yet I still have a gigantic belly and flabby thighs. At this point I know I need to be working out and building muscle if I ever actually want to look good, but I just don't have the energy to do that and I'd have to eat at a surplus to build muscle, which seems scary and impossible.

It's my birthday in two weeks and I want nothing more than to just enjoy the day and eat whatever I want and I've been trying so hard to lose some more before that so I can allow myself ONE DAY off. Just one day. I haven't binged or even eaten more than 1200 in over two and a half months, I do Yoga every single morning and cardio most days, I have a job and I go to school full time and I am honestly trying so hard to do good. All I want is to just feel like I am allowed to let go for that one day. I literally have dreams about it. But the more I think about it the less I feel like I deserve it. Why is nothing I do ever fucking good enough?

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[Discussion] Nausea when fasting.
/u/spinach84
Created: Mon Jun 4 13:07:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ojyar/nausea_when_fasting/
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DAE feel super nauseous after fasting for a while? I’m currently in hour 38 of my fast, and I feel like I’m going to throw up. Is this normal? Also why does this happen? It doesn’t make much sense, since there’s nothing to throw up. Thank you for reading!

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Just got triggered by bodyvisualizer, I'll see my way out
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Mon Jun 4 12:58:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ojvjr/just_got_triggered_by_bodyvisualizer_ill_see_my/
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First of all, the site is ridiculously buggy and hard to accurately input any measurements. That said, now I know that my flour sack of a body is not just some sort of Dysphoria Illusion, hah!

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[Help] What to do when your idea of a happy weight is dropping constantly?
/u/PoppyViolet_
Created: Mon Jun 4 12:52:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ojts4/what_to_do_when_your_idea_of_a_happy_weight_is/
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If you had asked me 4-5 years ago I would have been happy at 120~

Then 110

Then 100

Then 99

Then 95

Then 90

Now 85

I honesty don’t think I’ll ever be happy

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[Discussion] Does anyone else eat sauce/dip
/u/HelloIAmTheWorstTM
Created: Mon Jun 4 12:51:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ojtj5/does_anyone_else_eat_saucedip/
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I'm really picky about food and I only like foods with a loooot of flavor because it feels worth it to me to eat it, so like chicken with cilantro sauce vs bland grilled chicken which to me isn't worth eating.


But sometimes I'm just like, what if I just want sauce or dip or whatever because then I taste the flavor without getting the calories from the main food. I'm eating cilantro sauce like just plain eating it by licking it off a spoon. It still has calories obviously but way less than if it were spread on some meat or bread or whatever.

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[Rant/Rave] SO's and ED's
/u/bitpattern
Created: Mon Jun 4 12:50:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ojt5i/sos_and_eds/
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My SO is very much aware of my eating disorder and it's destroying our relationship and his mental well being, but I don't want to recover.

I don't know what's going to happen between us. I love him but I'll always choose my ED over him. He refuses to leave me though, he believes I can recover and we can have a life together (we've been together 6 years), but I just can't live without my ED. I'm really hurting and I don't know what to do anymore.

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[Discussion] Does anyone else feel like when they gain weight, they expand inwards instead of outwards?
/u/circa90melancholy
Created: Mon Jun 4 11:59:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oje1d/does_anyone_else_feel_like_when_they_gain_weight/
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I know on its own it doesn't make any sense written that way, but I have pictures of myself at various weights, and when I get bigger, I don't look like I get wider. When I gain weight, the parts of the pants or shirts that feel too tight feel that way in the torso first. Then I look at my thighs and they don't expand much on the outside, mostly on the inside. I don't gain much fat on my hips/hipbones.

Then I see naked pictures of other people all across the internet - especially Reddit - and they have inches of fat on their hips when they gain weight, and saddle bags, yet I just end up with crotch biscuits and a bit of a bigger stomach, but by measurement, I'm a pear. What? And it really freaks me out when I gain weight because I look like my body is suffocating parts of itself.

Is that just me? - I know this isn't entirely ED dependent.

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[Discussion] Has anyone else ever woken up the morning after a binge and felt like you were drugged?
/u/deadlylikesugar
Created: Mon Jun 4 11:57:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ojdah/has_anyone_else_ever_woken_up_the_morning_after_a/
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I heavily restrict 99% of the time and haven’t struggled with binging for a very long time, but recently I’ve been having these weird...like...blackout binges?? And I’m not talking about the ‘I don’t want to but I can’t stop myself’ type of feeling. I’m talking like.... I wake up the next morning and feel like I was roofied the night prior. It’s a foggy memory and I have a hard time recalling what/how much I ate and what I was doing while eating. Almost like I did it in my sleep, or was black out drunk. It’s the most bizarre feeling to feel the morning after a supposedly sober evening...

It’s really fucking weird and becoming pretty concerning.

I’m wondering if anyone can relate? And really hoping someone might be able to give me advice on how to stop these episodes. Thanks so much in advance!! ❤️

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How do you guys combat restless sleep and hair loss?
/u/PM_ME_USEFUL_ADVICE
Created: Mon Jun 4 11:55:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ojcnc/how_do_you_guys_combat_restless_sleep_and_hair/
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Anyone else weigh themselves on carpet to see what they could be like?
/u/Bleepbloopbroke
Created: Mon Jun 4 10:40:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oiqu7/anyone_else_weigh_themselves_on_carpet_to_see/
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I sometimes weigh myself on squishy surfaces like carpet to convince myself that my goals do exist. I'm back up to 121 pounds, somewhere I never thought I'd be again and my bmi is almost 20 :(

I hate myself I'm so fat. But seeing 90 on the scale when I put it on the carpet gets me motivated. The number clearly exists and I just have to work for it!

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[Discussion] Modeling?
/u/radbitch666
Created: Mon Jun 4 10:24:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oim1s/modeling/
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Do any of the people here model professionally?? It’s always been an interest/dream of mine but I’m too fat to ever do it. I’d love to hear about people who do and what’s it’s like as someone with an ED to work in an environment where (stereotypically) it would be easy and even encouraged? Could be super wrong but I’m so curious. Thanks guys, hope everyone has a happy, binge-free day 💕

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I feel like I'm a bad person
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Mon Jun 4 10:21:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oilcn/i_feel_like_im_a_bad_person/
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When people here remark that they wouldn't wish ED pain on their worst enemy I would.

There are people I've had in my life that I would wish pain on. Kids that teased (abused, really) me growing up changed the way I feel about myself even as an adult. If I had it easier from ages 11-18 I would be a better person. More confident. I wouldn't use food to comfort myself and I'd still be thin. If I were thin men would be attracted to me and I could have a partner like every single one of my friends. I could see myself having a future, getting married, having kids, having a partner to have my back and take care of me.

To Liz, Kelly, Robert, Kristin, Kate, Katie I really hope you aren't doing well all these years later. I wish suffering on you all.

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[Rant/Rave] I've reached my lowest weight
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Mon Jun 4 10:16:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oijyn/ive_reached_my_lowest_weight/
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And I've never felt worse.

I hate my body more than I ever have. Yea I'm thin but I feel repulsive. The curves I've worked so hard at achieving in the gym are gone and I've been left with this skeletal veiny mess.

I don't feel feminine at all. I haven't gotten my period in 5 months and I have no sex drive whatsoever.

I'm so depressed that I attempted suicide a few weeks ago. The world just doesn't feel the same anymore, everything feels dark and lonely as hell.

I feel physically like shit. I used to be so athletic but now I can barely walk a mile without feeling exhausted. I can't sleep without knocking myself out with pills that are probably rotting my brain.

I tried reaching out to an ED clinic. They said I only needed to wait 2 weeks to get in but it's been a month and I haven't heard anything back. I'm trying in the mean time to make changes, like not forcing myself to exercise, upping my calories and staying productive but I still feel just as terrible. The only light in my world is my SO but I know I can't depend on him for my own happiness.

This sucks man, I want it to stop.

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[Help] What to get 'checked' by a GP
/u/papsandwiles
Created: Mon Jun 4 10:06:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oigoh/what_to_get_checked_by_a_gp/
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My psychologist suggested that I go see my GP after I told her I haven't had my period since January. Is there anything specifically ED related I should get checked? I've been restricting since February. Honestly I'm pretty terrified.

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