I'm interested in a potential Ana Buddy??
/u/iliekjellyandjam
Created: Mon Jun 4 09:55:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oidca/im_interested_in_a_potential_ana_buddy/
---
[removed]
How has your ED changed since discovering proed/peach?
/u/smallest_madeline
Created: Mon Jun 4 09:55:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oidam/how_has_your_ed_changed_since_discovering/
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Are there any behaviors you do now or any purchases you've made that you didn't before r/proed & peach? Are there things that have influenced your decisions or actions because of this place?
LIFE fasting tracker
/u/septhecreeps
Created: Mon Jun 4 09:54:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oid39/life_fasting_tracker/
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Hey everyone! I just discovered an app called LIFE which lets you track your fasts and create circles to interact with other people. Anyone interested on joining?
I created a circle called r/proED in case anyone wishes to join:
https://lifefastingtracker.app.link/QnaokRpHtN
:)
I'm scared
/u/raspberry_coffee
Created: Mon Jun 4 08:56:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ohwez/im_scared/
---
Hey, I'm 5'5", 99 lbs and female with a bmi of 16.5. I'm underweight as you can tell. I've had this problem for awhile though and I have always been naturally thin.
I'm scared I won't ever completely recover and stop this fucking thing. I'm scared I'll never end this self-destroying problem. I'm scared of the fact that I stopped caring about myself and don't give a shit anymore.
A few years ago I noticed i had a thin layer of fat on my stomach. Not chubby or pudgy, but enough to make me uncomfortable and dislike it. Though I was younger and didn't care too much so I just forced myself not to pay attention to it.
Late last year I noticed I had gotten thinner, probably from a mix of growing taller and just consuming less calories. I was happier, and thought to myself, 'huh, maybe I could lose a few more'.
That wasn't terrible. I was still alright, just becoming more aware of what I was putting in my body.
Awhile after that I started eating less at breakfast until I skipped entirely for 3 days just having a cup of coffee with milk and sugar.
That was alright, too. Soon I started having breakfast again and I was still fine.
Awhile after that (I think several weeks I can't remember) I started counting calories and eating as best I could. It wasn't too extreme just 'oh maybe I shouldn't have those oreos' and whatever. I was still somewhat fine.
Then it happened. I don't know exactly what but I soon started counting excessively. I wasn't smart enough to know this was a problem.
It was in mid to late March that I knew I had a problem when I thought to myself 'no, 800 calories is too much'.
I didn't care though. For whatever reason I just didn't give a shit while telling myself I knew when to stop.
I've struggling ever since. There were a few times I thought I had gotten better only to come crawling back to unhealthy eating habits.
I don't know if I'm ready for recovery yet.
If you read all that, thank you. And please, if you know identify the early signs of an ED in you please get help. This disease is one of the worst mental illnesses because off the chance that you never quite recover.
[Discussion] Anyone else ever feel too “confident” with their weight & then end up gaining the lost weight back?
/u/anxthekitten
Created: Mon Jun 4 08:35:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ohqk9/anyone_else_ever_feel_too_confident_with_their/
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I started at 154 and i’m finally at 142 (last I checked)! Which i’m happy about because it’s at least something. but when it comes down to eating with family or something, I end up eating more than I wanted to. I guess because i’m like “i’m less than before, this is okay” but that leads to me eating 3 bags of popcorn in a day, even though i’m forcing myself to eat the last one!
i’ve gained back weight before from doing this, if i never thought like this, i’d be lighter than i am right now lol.
idk, i just don’t wanna feel alone like i’m the only one who does this! i want to be at 130 by my graduation soooo bad, but parents buying my favorite sweets and stuff does not help, at all.
[Other] I forgot about hunger
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Mon Jun 4 08:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oho7k/i_forgot_about_hunger/
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I managed to restrict today thoughout work. only had three cups of milk coffee so far. my ed tendencies are getting stronger. my goal weight will soon be achieved and i might set another goal weight
I AM OFFICIALLY UNDERWEIGHT!!
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Mon Jun 4 08:15:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ohl8g/i_am_officially_underweight/
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I want to hug the world and all you guys right now, you've given me so much support over the past few months. Probably way more than y'all know. Damnit, this has taken a long time, and I'm actually seeing a change in my body. Body dysmorphia is still going strong, but I actually hit this mark. Just being in this lower range makes me feel amazing for once.
Time to celebrate this with keeping up the restricting game!!
Not even hungry
/u/BBuullshitt
Created: Mon Jun 4 08:12:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ohke7/not_even_hungry/
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So I kinda relapsed back into this, and this is my first post so Hi~♥
But even though I don't eat much I still haven't been hungry and idk why? Like I went from normal eating to eating little(I couldn't count properly but like def not over 600.maybe under 500) and then I went to a three meals a day about 100kcal per meal
But I haven't been hungry,
I haven't been hungry in ages actually, well sometimes I kinda am but like not rly
I've biked today as well (like 18km)
And I still don't feel hungry and it's scaring me
Have I eaten something but forgot about it?
Is the food scale lying?
Is the packaging lying?
Is mum sneaking some calorie ass shit in my food?
[Tip] How I managed to gain weight being happy about it AKA anecdotal tips to recovery
/u/cherrycolasuicide
Created: Mon Jun 4 07:44:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ohd9i/how_i_managed_to_gain_weight_being_happy_about_it/
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Hello fellow struggling friends,
My mind has decided to procrastinate studying and in lieu of that tedious activity, I'll proceed to share with y'all some updates on my freEDom journey.
Briefly, there are two things that massively helped me getting better: intermittent fasting coupled with a ketogenic diet.
I'd been struggling with the excruciating self-imposed torture that some friendly romanticize with the name Mia; that is, I would stuff myself like a starving beast and eat anything I could muster up the courage to force into my mouth (because, that's how an intelligent, responsible grown-up deals with little daily incidents that low-key make you wanna kill yourself, but hey, food is your friend... seemingly), only to sobbingly navigate towards the closest bathroom in the 3-am darkness, fused with the blue-tinted, depressing lights on the ceiling. There I would feel the rush, the undeniably addictive pleasure of being back in control; at least as long as the ephemeral illusion would keep me from giving up.
Yeah, I know. I do. Adhering to strict eating patterns that deviate significantly from your average Joe is an alarming element. Nonetheless, I can't just à la black-magic-fuckery pretend I'm that good to overcome the profound effects years of suffering from mental health... hiccups left on me. Still, I had figured an attempt at something healthier — for once — couldn't possibly be a hindrance.
Therefore I've been trying this way of eating (which has evidence-based health benefits, by the way) for a while now.
And, dare I say, I'm not normal and perhaps never will I experience that, since I can't just fucking press 'undo' on the way I've let my dysfunctional eating habits and fucked-up rewarding/punishing system rule my thinking process.
But — SHIT — I can finally trust my hunger cues and I successfully stopped tracking calories.
I'm becoming healthier and I'm okay with it. I'm skinny but I don't need to be a skeleton; scales can go screw off. Maybe I'll eventually stop hating myself so much one day, but it's always one lil' step after another.
[Side note: English is not my primary language so I apologize if my phrasing is a tad off]
I feel like my whole life revolves around calories. I think I just fully realized the extent of my problem.
/u/trytostay
Created: Mon Jun 4 07:35:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ohb14/i_feel_like_my_whole_life_revolves_around/
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So, I have 13 more pounds to lose until my goal weight. It would put me at a 22 BMI, which I know is huge compared to the BMI’s ya’ll have, and I feel embarrassed sharing that here since it’s so big. But it’s what I think would make me happy.
I’ve lost about ten pounds so far, and it hasn’t been hard thanks to the stimulants I take that suppress my appetite. However, I feel like my whole daily routine has changed since I committed to this numerical weight loss. It’s this fact that really makes it undeniable to me that I have a problem.
At first, I was just so happy to be losing weight. I’d wanted to lose weight for my entire life. Literally since sixth grade and my mom told me I was “too young to be this curvy.” I was so excited when I realized that I could go entire days without eating if I just asked my bf for Vyvanse.
Then, I started planning when I’d see my bf around how much Vyvanse I had. I’d say things like: “Oh well we have to hang out today because I need more Vyvanse!” Or if I took one on the weekend and I knew he’d want to do Sunday brunch I would try to make an excuse and be like: “Let’s do dinner on Monday instead!” because I knew I could fast all day Monday and have dinner be my one meal.
Then I started ditching plans to go out with friends because I wouldn’t want to eat with them. Then I started taking sleeping pills to go to bed by 9pm and sleep off the hunger pains. Then I started going to clothing stores just to try on clothes I couldn’t afford and make sure I was still dropping sizes.
Oh yeah! Yesterday I spent $350 on clothes because I went down a size. Which was SO STUPID of me since I’m planning to go down probably another size. What the fuck am I thinking? I’m not rich! I can’t afford $350 in clothes!
I just feel like my whole life now revolves around calories. I’m not studying for the GRE anymore because I’m just thinking about what clothes I can wear and how people will look at me once I’m 5’ 10” and a size 4. I don’t want to give up on my dreams of getting my PhD in Literature (IM SUPPOSED TO APPLY BY NOVEMBER AND I HAVENT EVEN STARTED MY WRITING SAMPLE....) so I can lose weight but it honestly seems like I’m on that path!!!!!! Instead of feeling gross when guys check me out, instead I’m like *its because I lost weight! I’m more attractive! It’s working!* and I’m a feminist so WTF AM I DOING? WHO AM I?
I just keep telling myself that I’ll lose the weight in six weeks and then I’ll get my life back on track. But I’m starting to think that I won’t. :( Oh no. This kind of just stopped being fun.
The scary thing about eating disorders is that they work (long, TW)
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Mon Jun 4 07:33:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ohaen/the_scary_thing_about_eating_disorders_is_that/
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Back in school, I had a great friend who undoubtedly had an eating disorder. She would never speak about it nor confirm it to me, but she had one. She got incredibly thin, she worked out two hours a day, and wouldn't eat anything even if she was close to fainting. If she ate the tiniest bit she'd walk a mile before going home to keep the calories off, and if she did have a full meal, she'd go to the toilet immediately after eating it (saying she has 'bad bladder control').
I saw right through it, but I didn't understand eating disorders back then. Why not just eat? Why care about being underweight? What was the appeal in that? Why not just do it the healthy way? Why starve yourself so ridiculously? **That can't work.**
About a year later (last year), I developed an eating disorder myself. It started with my family fatshaming me (I've never been overweight my entire life), which added onto my already lacking self esteem- my father continously told me I should take care of my diet, to make sure my tummy didn't get even bigger, even my mum started doing it even though she loves me very much. Fights with my dad would always break out at the dinner table, so I subconsciously began to dislike eating. I would eat less, and at some point, I stopped eating at all.
I'm a very rational person, and I never admitted that eating disorders "worked", and never wanted to admit that I would fall into one, no matter what. I refused to believe that that was an actual way to lose weight, it seemed so ridiculous from the outside. I moved out early this year to escape my dad's grip, and ever since then my eating disorder has just taken over. Everything is about restriction, about losing pounds. I can't leave the bathroom without weighing myself, I don't drink anything that has calories in it, I have a spit glass next to me because I want to get rid of every possible calorie in my body and I've lost over 20 lbs. I weighed almost 150, and my goal is to go down to 100. That's two thirds of my highest weight.
What's happening to me just goes against all of my principles. I never used to admit that there were things I couldn't control, and even though I've been through two suicide attempts, I always thought to myself that it was something I could control (which, obviously, is complete bullshit). I never believed that eating disorders could actually seize control over you, and make you do stuff that would damage yourself. Yet here I am, and I have no way out. I keep pretending that I'm fine, eating full meals in front of others to keep up an image just to go to the bathroom after and purge it up. I'm just lost.
I needed to get this off my chest, and thought I wanted to share it with you guys. I'm sorry if this is inappropriate content, but I just feel very lonely right now. Thank you to anyone who read this mess of a story. :(
Bulimia “Care Package?”
/u/VirgoBlue
Created: Mon Jun 4 07:16:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oh6eb/bulimia_care_package/
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Hey guys,
I haven’t posted in a while, but I need some advice and figured you lovely guys, gals, and gender-queer pals would be the best people to ask.
Though my ED used to take the form of B/P, I’ve at least recovered to the point where I don’t make myself sick after a binge (!!!). I mean, now I just go into restriction cycles, but this isn’t really about me!
The point is that I haven’t been throwing up regularly in a good amount of time. I’m a counselor at a camp this summer, and I’ve made a new friend with whom I’ve clicked instantly and, when we both got drunk together, she admitted to currently being bulimic. She’s one of the first people I’ve spoke with who really “got” it, y’know? And I appreciated that, and I think she did too.
Anyway, that was a couple of nights ago, and she ended up so drunk (she’s fairly slim and small, and of course we know how an ED can fuck up your tolerance) that her boyfriend had to carry her home. She’s not feeling too hot, but also, she’s from the UK and we live in an isolated place where we can’t go shopping easily. I’m out of town on a trip, and I wanted to put together a little “care package,” y’know? Like, we told each other we’d be here for each other this summer and it felt really genuine, and I want to help. Here are some things I’m thinking about including, b/c I remember them coming in handy:
-Powerade zero or pedialyte (sp?) for electrolytes
-Iron and magnesium supplements
-some of those travel sized mouth wash bottles
-Maybe bottle of hot sauce? She’s tentatively trying to get better for her boyfriend’s sake, and when I found it hard not to b/p I’d put hot sauce on shit so I wouldn’t eat it too fast, and really wouldn’t want to purge it. Kinda of a niche thing though lol
-maybe chewing gum?
Idk, if you have any suggestions I’d love to hear them, even if it’s just to say that this is a stupid idea haha.
[Rant/Rave] I’m about to cancel my vacation with my friends because my binge began...
/u/mina1200
Created: Mon Jun 4 06:57:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oh1tp/im_about_to_cancel_my_vacation_with_my_friends/
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I’m supposed to be going on a beach vacation with my friends from tomorrow onwards, but think I’ll cancel because of my binge.
I was supposed to see my new therapist the day before yesterday but she cancelled, which initiated my binge and I’ve now been binging non stop for two days.
I don’t know why I do this to myself. I had been so in control for over a month. But whatever, being this messed up I don’t think I deserve a beach holiday anyways. The thought of eating around them has been making me feel pretty anxious anyways.
I feel so weird and detached from reality during my binge period, so I’m feeling a bit emotionally dysregulated at the moment. But I just feel really shitty and disappointed.
At what point can you actually say you have a problem? Because I think I’m still in denial about it all.
[Other] Update on not getting period
/u/madeinny88
Created: Mon Jun 4 06:50:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oh08z/update_on_not_getting_period/
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Thanks to everyone who responded to my post yesterday, I woke up this morning and had my period and still weighed 122 so I'm happy and today is a good day! I thought I was going to have to start bingeing again to get my period back so I'm very very happy that it came on its own, I don't even care that it makes me feel like I have imposter syndrome, I was very stressed thinking of all the implications of not getting my period anymore so I'm just enjoying the relief I feel right now. Sorry for all the gross TMI period talk, too. I'm going to relax and try to eat intuitively today (still gonna track everything though because I love feeling in control and am not about to give that up, especially now)
[Tip] Tea on an empty stomach...
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Mon Jun 4 06:32:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ogw87/tea_on_an_empty_stomach/
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Over the past few days I’ve seen so many posts about people feeling all blocked up - I’m definitely included in this!!! I’ve realised now that whenever I drink tea on an empty stomach it goes right through me like a laxative (I don’t know if coffee does the same thing bc I’m not a coffee drinker!). Definitely handy to get “cleared out” lmao. Probably tmi but I know it helps to get the number on the scale now 😂
[Intro] I thought this was all over - yet realising recovery brought me to my highest weight hit me so hard [Intro-Rant]
/u/PoppyViolet_
Created: Mon Jun 4 06:25:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ogumt/i_thought_this_was_all_over_yet_realising/
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This is maybe my 4th account here but after a shit Christmas and some very serious obsession with laxatives and the small amount of joy they brought, I was working towards recovering. I realise I was still overeating like a motherf*cker but standing on the scale and being 189lbs is the most horrific thing I had ever realised.
I told myself hitting 13st previously would be the be all end all because I refused to hit that. Yet here I am. I’m so tired of being the fat friend, the lazy friend, the ugly friend.
I’m so sick of being obsessed with my weight. It’s every last goddamn thought.
[Rant/Rave] Weird fantasy
/u/Use2haveApersonality
Created: Mon Jun 4 06:14:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ogs5y/weird_fantasy/
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I hope this doesn’t offend and I hope this doesn’t come off as attention seeking because I promise you I’m not. But I’ve always fantasised about being sectioned to a mental health hospital, even as a child way before I started developing this messed up eating habit. I want to be sick enough that people worry, I want to be sickly thin that it terrifies everybody. But I also want to mentally be so sick that I require immediate help. I want to suffer. I feel like I deserve it. I want to be surrounded by those who are in a similar mindset to me, I want the routine, I want the white walls, I want to constantly be kept an eye on. I want to be forced to go to therapy. Whenever I think of being sectioned, I think of a bright sunny light, I don’t know why.
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! June 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 4 06:13:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ogs44/weekly_stats_update_june_04_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for June 04, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Jun 4 06:13:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ogs35/daily_food_diary_june_04_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 04, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] Let's talk about veganism
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Mon Jun 4 05:23:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oghwa/lets_talk_about_veganism/
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I am interested in becoming vegan \(or at least, mostly always vegan\). I already don't eat dairy and seldom eat meat so it would just be eggs that would be hard for me. Does anyone have tips? Did anyone go vegan due to their disorder? It would be a lot easier to skip food if there just isn't any vegan food available... I also care deeply about animals and that's why I almost never eat meat as it is. So what's your experience with veganism and EDs?
Vitamins/Supplements? What do you take?
/u/aheretic
Created: Mon Jun 4 05:12:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ogfw0/vitaminssupplements_what_do_you_take/
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What does everyone here supplement, if anything?
I've been taking a women's multivitamin, and extra B vitamins. Sometimes I take magnesium because apparently it can help with fatigue.
What's your routine?
Fat fasting for a week (details)
/u/FitCelery3
Created: Mon Jun 4 04:20:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8og6m2/fat_fasting_for_a_week_details/
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This week I'm doing a /r/keto and /r/fasting inspired MCT oil/coconut oil fast. Under 800 cals/day of oil only. I've done this before and dropped weight FAST.
Any tips to make it the most effective?
[Discussion] Summer goals?
/u/SpeckledCollie
Created: Mon Jun 4 03:48:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8og1c2/summer_goals/
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Hey pals,
I don't know how much I weigh, but after living with someone who made me want to tear my hair out and enabled binges, my weight has shot up and I no longer fit into my waist 26 jeans. I'm going to guesstimate that I weigh around 65kg. Anyway, I've been on losertown and APPARENTLY if I eat 1200kcal everyday \(which I can *definitely* get away with in my house, maybe less, I live with my parents and they already know about my eating disorder tendencies so I have to be careful\), I will be 55kg by September 17th which is JUST IN TIME for my holiday and* the*n I have the possibility of reaching 54kg, if I do not overeat in Turkey \(hopefully will be so hot that I decide that all I want is salad heheheh\)**. So that is my summer goal! Eat 1200kcal every day and reach 55kg by the time I go back to wor**k!
The best thing I've noticed, for me, is to ignore the hunger and each day I get less and less hungry.
What are your goals for this summer?
Much love xxxx
[Rant/Rave] Withdrawing from drugs is the best and worst
/u/frida569
Created: Mon Jun 4 03:32:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ofyw9/withdrawing_from_drugs_is_the_best_and_worst/
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It’s the best because I have no appetite whatsoever but the worst because my anxiety is at its peak, I have not slept in 4 days and the cold sweats suck. I also feel like ripping off my skin
[Rant/Rave] Restriction and physical illness
/u/regularpoppy
Created: Mon Jun 4 03:30:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ofyi7/restriction_and_physical_illness/
---
I’ve had a sickness bug and my ED mind is telling me that I should be using that as a platform to eat even less but I have felt so physically awful that I need to eat to get better. I am so drained and I know I got so unwell because I haven’t been eating enough anyway. I had toast this morning and I hate myself but I can’t go another day feeling like I have. I’m just so scared of putting weight on when I’m so close to my GW.
Anyone else who restricts notice themselves getting physically ill more often and more severely?
r/TIL Fasting =/= Eating Disorder
/u/ryder98
Created: Mon Jun 4 03:28:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ofy8d/rtil_fasting_eating_disorder/
---
https://i.imgur.com/GD2EU3J.png
*Not sure this would pass on r/TIL*
So, people can actually fast multiple of weeks without it being an eating disorder. Who would've known.. Sarcasm. Of course you can.
Hopefully that can be a reality.
What is your eating "plan" for when you reach your UGW?
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Mon Jun 4 03:19:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ofwsk/what_is_your_eating_plan_for_when_you_reach_your/
---
Do any of you have an idea of how you are going to eat/maintain etc once you are at the weight you want?
A ride attendant called me fat
/u/slimminggrape
Created: Mon Jun 4 03:17:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ofwgo/a_ride_attendant_called_me_fat/
---
So last night I binged a massive curry, naan bread, onion bhajis and poppadoms. What I left over I ate this morning for breakfast. I feel fat and shitty and I'm sick of feeling this way. It was my fucking end of uni Summer Ball and now it's just going to become a reminder of how fat I am. And I can't even fast for the rest of the day because I'm travelling home to see my family and they're going to have made dinner to celebrate. And when I told my mum on the phone what happened she was just like 'oh that's weird', she knows I hate my body and she literally said nothing reassuring because she's embarrassed by how fat I am too LOL.
I was actually thin this time last year, now I'm back to square one and I feel fucking gross.
Comments from the cashier you've gotten
/u/rosycactus
Created: Mon Jun 4 02:55:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ofswl/comments_from_the_cashier_youve_gotten/
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The other day I was buying three cans of Monster zero and the cashier guy was like, "Wow, are these all for you? You really need that much energy?" lol It didn't really bother me and just answered something about liking them.
What have you guys gotten while shopping? Negative or not. I'm just bored and I like stories on here.
[Help] Looking for an accountability partner
/u/runjumpflip
Created: Mon Jun 4 01:42:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ofi62/looking_for_an_accountability_partner/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Continuing to binge even after it doesn't taste good anymore. Overweight after recovery.
/u/NutelllaBellla
Created: Mon Jun 4 00:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8of5as/continuing_to_binge_even_after_it_doesnt_taste/
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[Rant]
"This is the last binge" "This binge is okay because *insert excuse here*"
How many times has that been said? This is the summer before my 3rd year of college. Every night I go to sleep wondering how the hell I let myself go from underweight to overweight like this? 93 lbs at one point, 155 lbs now. It's not so much a question, I *know* the answer: binge eating. I used to purge too but care too much about my teeth so I stopped. I constantly sort through my old clothes from when I was thin. I look at all of the cute stuff I used to wear, imagining the day it all fits again. I look back at older pictures where I was happy and thin, surrounded by friends. Now I dont even take pictures anymore. Now I'm fat, lonely, depressed, and wear the same baggy clothes day in and day out. Why is binge eating so hard to quit? I always come up with some excuse to binge, promising myself that this is the last binge.
Has anyone here who struggled with binge eating after anorexia managed to stop? How did it actually become the last binge? I just feel so lost. It's scary to feel like I have no control over my mind and it's urges to binge eat. I used to live with so much self restraint and control, and I haven't been able to reclaim any of it so far. I just need to hear other people about this because I feel so alone. Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this. ❤❤❤
Habits you have thanks to your ED
/u/Bananafo
Created: Mon Jun 4 00:20:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8of4ln/habits_you_have_thanks_to_your_ed/
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Hi! I’m curious to know habits you have develop thanks to your eating disorder, for example, I’ve heard that a lot of people with an eating disorder smoke to stop feeling hungry. I’m interested in this because I want to make a photographic serie about what it is like to have an eating disorder as I have had one myself and I remember I used to check the calories of everything I ate and now I smoke to feel less hungry. Everything would be really helpful as this is my last project of the semester and I would like to portray different habits, not just mine. Thanks in advance :) <3
why do you want me to be fat again?
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Mon Jun 4 00:01:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8of18l/why_do_you_want_me_to_be_fat_again/
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my mom made another comment about me being too skinny...
"youre wearing clothes for fourth graders!"
im 5'4 and wearing a womens size m, and if you didnt fatten me up as a kid to the point where actually, thats what i had to wear in fourth grade, maybe you would realize youre talking complete bullshit. get the fuck out of my life.
[Goal] I'm pretty damn happy
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Sun Jun 3 23:50:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oezf2/im_pretty_damn_happy/
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I've lost a lot of weight in a bit of months and although I'm not exactly at my goal weight, I've hit a new low weight and I'm almost there. Makes me a lot happier that I can get there.
I have to be honest though, I usually get depressed when I eat more than I should or I know I'm not there yet but when I see before and after pics it really helps to remember just how much I lost.
I'm feeling happy about my weight for once even if it's not my goal weight. :)
[Rant/Rave] The routine
/u/Polarplaid
Created: Sun Jun 3 23:39:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oexis/the_routine/
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I just need to write this down because it’s better to possibly relate to someone than drown in my own thoughts. I’m officially graduating high school this week. Everything feels like it’s falling on top of me all at once. Breaking up with my high school sweetheart. Adulthood. College. Career. Regrets. And how do I feel? Completely and utterly alone. Out of control. Naive. It’s like my support system is going away. It feels like the world is going to eat me alive.
So I’ll just eat myself alive. The hunger highs and planning my life around my ED brings me so much comfort. I’m regressing from the strong, hopeful, carefree young adult I used to be. Have I eaten today? No. Does anyone notice? Of course not. And I love it.
[Rant/Rave] Told my dad I was underweight and losing more, against my doctor’s advice. He said: “That’s great, congratulations.”
/u/headandcolder
Created: Sun Jun 3 23:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oeuqr/told_my_dad_i_was_underweight_and_losing_more/
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After a great weekend with my incredibly supportive boyfriend, I was ready to give my body a bunch of energy while visiting family to help me start the week.
My dad looked into my bowl and said: “You’re not going to be skinny much longer if you keep eating like that!”
I gathered all my courage and said, “I can and should eat big meals sometimes. I’m underweight. I’ve lost ten lbs since I last saw my doctor and he told me to gain a few lbs.”
My dad smiled and said, “That’s great, congratulations!” and then I died and laughed and shit myself simultaneously at the dinner table.
...but I didn’t let him win. I finished the bowl.
[Discussion] What kind of bathing suits do you like?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Sun Jun 3 23:15:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oet12/what_kind_of_bathing_suits_do_you_like/
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I know with summer coming up, a lot of us are feeling anxious about wearing bathing suits, and so I thought it might be useful to have a thread where people talk about the bathing suits that make them feel the best (or, at least, not like dying). So tell us about your favorite style and your body type! I know this is maybe more suited for r/femalefashionadvice but I feel like this is a safer space for us to talk about these things without judgement.
[Discussion] Anyone else fantasize of cutting everyone off to be alone with their disorder
/u/eighttorches
Created: Sun Jun 3 23:13:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oespl/anyone_else_fantasize_of_cutting_everyone_off_to/
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I don't know if this is relatable but sometimes i get this thought in my head that id be so much better if i broke up with my boyfriend, cut off all of my friends, and just moved far away one day to litteraly starve myself to death or at least just disappear until im thin. I know in a million years id never actually do it and i do love my friends but the thought crosses my mind pretty often. Maybe im more disordered than i thought. Sorry
[Rant/Rave] I hate working food service
/u/songfireleaf
Created: Sun Jun 3 22:30:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oekgd/i_hate_working_food_service/
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RANT TIME BC I JUST GOT OFF WORK
I'm around food all fucking day and I tend to get really fucking hungry because guess what? I don't really eat because my brain hates me! I work at a place where we make your burrito in front of you (for those of you in some areas of the southern US, it's called Freebirds). There's food in front of me my entire shift, and I'm walking around and cleaning and cooking and scrubbing floors and I get so fucking hungry. And part of my brain says "hey you should eat ALL OF THIS FOOD" while another part says "if you eat any of this you are a disgusting pile of garbage."
As much as I despise it, I ended up munching on stuff a tiny bit besides the salad that I had during my break. The munchy food added up to 187 calories and I feel so fucking horrified with myself, because that + my break salad + a protein bar I had before work = 477 and I was going to have some real people food tonight. By that I mean 312 calories but going over 700 calories total intake for the day would make me want to die soooo guess not.
I was closing tonight and the entire time I was cleaning up after close all I wanted to do was shove a tortilla in my face. Or a quesadilla. Cheese and super carby stuff are food from the devil, I swear. I was freaking the fuck out in my head because there was so much internal struggle between my body and what it wanted, and my disorder. I wanted to cry.
I'm so disgusted by myself and I feel so terrible.
tldr; food service sucks, I munched too much and I hate myself, and I almost had a panic attack over a goddamn tortilla.
If you also hate working food service, feel free to comment with your experiences. We're in this garbage pile together, woooooo
looking for nonbinary eating-disordered people to talk to (questioning gender)
/u/ci-fre
Created: Sun Jun 3 22:27:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oejou/looking_for_nonbinary_eatingdisordered_people_to/
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Erm, is there anyone here who is non-binary and is willing to PM with me about gender identity? I'm AFAB and thinking I might be nonbinary. I know I could go to a gender therapist, but a lot of my thoughts and my life have to do with my ED and I don't want to be forced into a recovery program :/
weight went up, but I look smaller?
/u/motherlotus
Created: Sun Jun 3 22:03:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oeers/weight_went_up_but_i_look_smaller/
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I was 96 yesterday.
Today the scale said 100????? But my sternum is super visible, more than usual.
I don't know whether to cry, or celebrate, or if I just have to poop.
Oh also I downloaded peach it's @motherlotus just like here!
New favorite thing to do: buy binge food, take it to my car, cry, then return it without eating. You have no power over me, cheesy boys.
/u/-momoyome-
Created: Sun Jun 3 21:55:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oedau/new_favorite_thing_to_do_buy_binge_food_take_it/
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https://i.imgur.com/DKyPOdw.jpg
I am binge eating but not just food but pills as well, any similar experiences?
/u/sweetnothings99
Created: Sun Jun 3 21:54:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oed05/i_am_binge_eating_but_not_just_food_but_pills_as/
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I have a diagnosed binge eating disorder, like many of us here. The problem is that I have started binging pills, it isn't even for the feeling.
Both times I've binged I've overdosed. I have no intention of dying. I'll just have one pills and then honestly it is like the eating disorder takes over. I don't want to die so I immediately go to A&E but I hate myself for it since it's a waste of urgent medical professional help.
I can't stay away from medication since I need it for my illness. I don't care what type of pills I binge when I do it, I've binged paracetamol, modafinil, antidepressant, vitamin tablets, etc.
Is there a way to stop me from binging these things?
Sorry for the throwaway but I usually frequent this sub every day. If this post is more suitable to another subreddit then please tell me.
[Discussion] Just embarrassing fasting things
/u/pinkribbon007
Created: Sun Jun 3 21:51:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oecdp/just_embarrassing_fasting_things/
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Okay so I'm currently 18 hours into a fast and I'm studying in this huge national library where it's quiet as a mouse.. I bet you can see where this is going.
My growling stomach is literally turning heads.
How many awkward moments have you guys had because of fasting? I wanna know!
[Discussion] DAE with dietary restrictions go out of their way to eat the things they can’t digest?
/u/peyton2724
Created: Sun Jun 3 20:49:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8odyt0/dae_with_dietary_restrictions_go_out_of_their_way/
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So, I have both lactose intolerance and gluten intolerance (I know, wonderful). I find myself a lot of times, when I want to eat something that has higher calories than what I normally would, I go for the normal versions. Essentially, I eat things with lots of milk or wheat so that I absorb less of the calories. I don’t even know if that’s accurate, I still count the calories all the same, but it makes me feel better. Plus, it’s a natural laxative!
Does anyone else with dietary restrictions do this or am I just crazy?
How do you keep going?
/u/myfatmakesmelookfat
Created: Sun Jun 3 20:41:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8odwy1/how_do_you_keep_going/
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This is my first post here or anywhere.
Two month ago I relapsed into the restriction/binge cycle I thought I left in my preteen years. I’m 20 now and here I am again. And I’m not even good at it this time around. I lost ten pounds in a month and I’ve maintained since and I can’t eat anything without the extreme guilt that comes with it. I’m freshly broken up with and I feel like my insides are being torn up. I don’t know how to keep waking up every morning and I just found myself googling of a jump from a three story building was enough to kill me (it’s not).
The easy answer is to get help, go to therapy, go on meds, do something. But I physically can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve tried it all before and the process is exhausting. I’m not underweight or even a normal weight so I can’t get serious help anyways. No one takes my depression seriously.
So I guess I’m here having a pity party. Maybe that will help. But I have no motivation left and I don’t doubt that some of you have similar feelings. So how do you do it? How do you give yourself the strength to keep going? Right now all I think about is that I can’t let my parents have a dead kid. And that’s really not enough. I guess I just want to hear that I’m not alone because right now it sure feels like it.
[Rant/Rave] I never want to wear a bathing suit again
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Sun Jun 3 20:28:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8odu0d/i_never_want_to_wear_a_bathing_suit_again/
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My roommates and I are going on holiday next week and I told my roommate she could have some bathing suits I have that are too big and unflattering on me. And she was like “oh I’m sure they’re fine” and I was like “no seriously, they’re awful, look”, and I pulled out a picture of myself to show her.... and it was so much worse than I remembered even though I was at a really low weight when those pictures were taken. And so now I don’t want to eat or wear a bathing suit ever again, and I’m really nervous about going away. Any advice?
[Help] Anyone have experience with waist trainers?
/u/tsundereproblems
Created: Sun Jun 3 19:28:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8odg4y/anyone_have_experience_with_waist_trainers/
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I started realising that even when I lose weight around my waist it’s still overall like a square shape instead of that nice hourglass figure and it’s driving me crazy lol. I know this is probably not the best sub to ask about results but I’m wondering with very restrictive eating what kind of health problems would arise from a really constrictive garment like that? Because my biggest fear is just passing out from walking 😬
Does anyone have any experience with them? Or recommendations? Thanks xx
I’ve been doing so good following a low carb diet but I fell off the wagon and I can’t get back on
/u/cleversocks1
Created: Sun Jun 3 19:11:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8odcg3/ive_been_doing_so_good_following_a_low_carb_diet/
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I had been eating -20g carbs a day and 1,000 calories. No extreme restriction and I felt good, was losing weight at a healthy rate.
Annnddd then like 2 weeks ago I was at a family get together and I ate a brownie. Then like 3 more. And several slices of cake, some ice cream, an entire bag of M&Ms... and I still have been eating this way. It’s like I can’t get control of myself. I need to stop. Today I have eaten so much that I feel sick to my stomach and sick because I’m eating so grossly
The better my body gets, the more I want to hide it.
/u/typhius
Created: Sun Jun 3 18:50:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8od7iw/the_better_my_body_gets_the_more_i_want_to_hide_it/
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Does anyone else experience this?
I know that many of us just want to hide inside of huge clothing (regardless of our size) so nobody can tell our shape, but lately my relationship with clothes is stressing me out like crazy.
Like, when I was around BMI 20 or so, I thought I was a fat piece of shit for sure, but the clothes I felt good in were definitely on the tighter/body-con side of things. Even though I felt huge, other people (...men) adored my curves. I think I wore the tight clothing so I could feel validated through their attention and compliments.
Now I'm in probably the best shape of my life. I've been working out (barre, yoga, pilates, running) consistently for a year now, finally shifted off weight I gained in college, and I'm thrilled with my progress. I've lost inches of fat everywhere, put on muscle in all the right places, and on good days I even show some little baby abs. But I can't bring myself to wear the same form-fitting, body-flaunting clothing that I used to. I'm not crazy about having lost so much of my breasts along the way (I was very small chested to begin with), but aside from this, I'm happy with the changes I've made over the last year. If I'm actually starting to LIKE my body, I should be more comfortable with showing it off right? Apparently not.
Now all I want to do is hide in big sweaters and loose jeans, loose fit jumpsuits and big flowy midi dresses. I have so much amazing clothing that would flatter my new figure (thank you NYC thrift stores, it's incredible what people get rid of around here) but I don't feel confident enough to wear any of it. I'll go shopping and come back with the most stunning dress, and then it just sits there in my closet unworn.
The exception here is workout clothing- I get very hot at the gym, so I tend to work out in cropped leggings and a bra top. I have no problems with this because I know everyone at the gym is just focused on their own shit, and not what I look like or what I wear. But outside the gym, it's not like anybody in NYC gives a shit what I wear either-- so I don't know what my deal is.
It's as if the better I do, the higher I set my standards for myself (and of course the new standards will be impossible to meet). Wheeeee.
[Discussion] Question about waist training
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Sun Jun 3 18:35:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8od48d/question_about_waist_training/
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Because my eating disorder is 98% about the size of my stomach and 2% about the pleasure of binging, i've decided a waist trainer will be instrumental in my recent efforts towards some form of vaguely health-conscious pseudo-recovery, and i was wondering if y'all have any experience with waist training in general, as well as, specially, i was wondering if i ought to by the size that matches my body, or the size i want to achieve through corseting.
any advice or experience would be wonderful <3
[Discussion] My period seems to have stopped even though I'm not quite underweight, has this happened to anyone else?
/u/madeinny88
Created: Sun Jun 3 18:26:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8od22f/my_period_seems_to_have_stopped_even_though_im/
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My period should have already came and I know I'm not pregnant, so it's from me losing weight recently. I didn't want my period to stop, but I don't want to gain weight back. Is there any way my body might start menstruating again without me having to gain weight? I'm not quite underweight, 121 would be underweight for my height. If I just stay at 122 do you guys think my period will
start coming back regularly?
hydroxycut MAX for women?
/u/bluesaturnn
Created: Sun Jun 3 18:23:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8od196/hydroxycut_max_for_women/
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i just recently purchased this and i'm wondering if anyone else has had experience with it? good or bad! did it work for you?
[Rant/Rave] Found out exactly how thin my thin friend weighs
/u/warm_tamale
Created: Sun Jun 3 18:12:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ocyoe/found_out_exactly_how_thin_my_thin_friend_weighs/
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And now I feel like I have to re-evaluate my gw. She’s 91lbs at 5’4” with long limbs. Sigh, even if/when I get down to that, I’ll never look as elegant as she does. I’ll just look like a bony mess. I hate how the competitive aspect of this disorder. I’m tired of comparing myself to everyone
“I get OCD sometimes...”
/u/Wigforfire
Created: Sun Jun 3 17:40:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ocr80/i_get_ocd_sometimes/
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“...just a little bit, you know? Like, I go on a cleaning spree. Usually its a week before I get sick almost like my body knows I won’t be able to clean so I have to be OCD for a couple days.”
Oh, yes, Karen, I totally get it. It’s kind of like how unless food is prepared in front of me, in a particular way, by a particular person— usually me— I can’t eat it. Or how if my food looks the wrong way I feel like I can’t eat it. Ooh, ooh, or like how I have to eat my food in a particular order or I feel like I ate my meal wrong? You know? Or how about when something happens out of my normal routine and I have a panic attack and my first reaction is to not eat.
I think you’re fine, Karen. Cleaning is a normal adult responsibility
I *love* when people say that you can't lose weight by starving yourself
/u/fizzyvelvet
Created: Sun Jun 3 17:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ocof3/i_love_when_people_say_that_you_cant_lose_weight/
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Sweetie, it's called starving for a reason 😂 what do you think I'm gonna do, gain weight eating air?
Restricting hard is ruining alcohol for me?
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Sun Jun 3 16:41:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8occpc/restricting_hard_is_ruining_alcohol_for_me/
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It's trivial I know. FOUR times though, In the past couple of months, I've gone on a night out whilst restricting - and I honestly don't know why this is - but I've ended up crying. And feeling disgusting and binging the next day.
I feel like restricting makes alcohol affect me 'heavier' if that makes sense - especially now I'm losing weight steadily again. I miss the happy inbetween period where I could drink wine and be happpppyyyyy. </3 maybe it's just the vodka and gin, I really don't know but something's changed.
It doesn't help being so body conscious, I'm relapsing pretty definitely at the moment and I'm starting to notice my mattress getting a little tougher, the bath getting a bit uncomfortable on my tail bone, and just before I got ready my mum commented that I looked 'fragile'.
I woke up post drunk cry (my friend took me to hers and then home) shaky hungry at 6am from alcohol on an empty one I'm guessing. On the plus I weighed in before I ate like 800cals of the kitchen and I'm down a pound. Woot.
**But anyway,** I never used to get depressed after drinking. If anything I sometimes felt more upbeat despite a hangover - and this was when I was going out drinking so much more often than now. It's embarrassing to say the least this can't keep happening.
Anyone else get alcohol blues only when restricting?
[Help] Escitalopram and EC Stacking
/u/syntax4lyfe
Created: Sun Jun 3 16:33:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ocaqk/escitalopram_and_ec_stacking/
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I’m looking into trying an EC stack, but couldn’t find any interactions with the meds I’m currently on (Lexapro). If anyone could provide insight on whether or not this is a safe combo, it would be greatly appreciated!
How do you handle failures?
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Sun Jun 3 16:23:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oc8ff/how_do_you_handle_failures/
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I feel like I failed today. I was going to fast today, but I’m lightly snacking. I gave in and smacked on a Rice Krispies. I feel like I failed and I feel disgusted with myself. I want to lose weight. I won’t lose weight this way.
your favourite exercises?
/u/archerofdawn
Created: Sun Jun 3 16:23:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oc8d8/your_favourite_exercises/
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firstly, mods, feel free to delete/let me know if this is too off-topic for the sub
that being said, i find that exercise (esp cardio) does a decent job of distracting me from hunger. i guess what i wanted to see was if you guys had any particular exercises you liked, youtube channels, anything you'd recommend to others? i'm interested in yoga too! now that summer is here i really want to start using the treadmill i have and maybe get into HIIT stuff
personally though my favourite thing is just going for a walk around the block, it's low-intensity but it's a good way to get out of the house and not eat
I managed to chip a tooth this week and I feel disgusting
/u/clammyjmoosen
Created: Sun Jun 3 16:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oc7in/i_managed_to_chip_a_tooth_this_week_and_i_feel/
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I wasn't even eating! I was just sitting at my desk, working, and I noticed something hard? Turns out I chipped a tooth. It's like a little fucking scoop got taken out of my lower left central tooth. Ugh, who even does that out of the blue?? I was so proud of myself for cutting down on my purges (like, *drastically*). I got my teeth checked right after a really bad period of purging almost a year ago and the dentist said everything looked good?
I can't go to a dentist until at least next week, and it doesn't hurt, but it's like a constant, small reminder in my mouth that I'm a disgusting creature. UGH.
[Help] How to lose actual fat?
/u/wellmacsgay
Created: Sun Jun 3 15:15:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8obrqq/how_to_lose_actual_fat/
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I have a somewhat wacky fat distribution, like at this point I have really bony forearms, shins and collarbones, but I feel like mainly my stomach and thighs are still disproportionately huge (and also my face). Does anyone know how to lose fat in those parts without having the rest of my body look comically skinny, or is there simply no way to spot reduce?
[Help] Doctor's Office Weigh-In
/u/BriInvent
Created: Sun Jun 3 15:15:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8obrpl/doctors_office_weighin/
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So, I made an appointment with my allergy specialist because of some weird symptoms I've been having . . . and I'm a bit of a nervous wreck over the weigh\-in. I've lost about 7\-8 lbs since my appointment in March, and I'm, like, not underweight but I'm not overweight, either. I don't want her to think my weight loss is a symptom of something weird, but I also feel guilty admitting I'm losing weight on purpose. Will she even ask? Should I try to do things to make my weight seem higher? Am I over thinking this? Should I just tell her the truth? Aaagh.
I was never allowed to lose weight or work out growing up. It's not that these things were forbidden, but I was constantly getting comments from my mom about how I wasn't eating enough, or the foods I was eating weren't the right sort of foods, while \*also\* getting all these positive comments from her when I did manage to slim down. Attention like "oh, you're so elfin, because you don't eat enough!" Note, I was never, ever close to underweight. So maybe I just have weird personal hang ups about losing weight. \(obviously, but I mean. . . maybe the world wouldn't care?\)
Peach Thread
/u/bitpattern
Created: Sun Jun 3 15:09:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8obq86/peach_thread/
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I made a Peach account and I have no idea what I'm doing! Add me, @paper_islands
[Discussion] DAE start feeling lightheaded/sick AFTER eating?
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Sun Jun 3 15:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8obnx5/dae_start_feeling_lightheadedsick_after_eating/
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So I have been trying to not restrict as much on weekends. But this whole weekend, every time I have eaten, I have felt MORE lightheaded and dizzy. At work I thought I was going to hit the floor 3x today and I had eaten more calories before getting in to work at 11 than I usually have before 6pm! I typically have <500 cal a day during the week, but yesterday and today I had around 500cal before heading in to work, then I also had a snack at work. I feel sick to my stomach and like I could pass out at any moment right now and idk what gives.
My hungry holy grail! 😋
/u/Blazed-nd-Confused
Created: Sun Jun 3 14:58:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8obn4z/my_hungry_holy_grail/
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https://i.redd.it/9vkc67ixnu111.jpg
[Help] “i mean yeah i guess i fit the criteria but i’m not anorexic”
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Sun Jun 3 14:51:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oblda/i_mean_yeah_i_guess_i_fit_the_criteria_but_im_not/
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so i googled the anorexia nervosa diagnosis requirements and:
1. Persistent restriction of energy intake leading to significantly low body weight (in context of what is minimally expected for age, sex, developmental trajectory, and physical health) .
2. Either an intense fear of gaining weight or of becoming fat, or persistent behaviour that interferes with weight gain (even though significantly low weight).
3. Disturbance in the way one's body weight or shape is experienced, undue influence of body shape and weight on self-evaluation, or persistent lack of recognition of the seriousness of the current low body weight.
so yes i restrict for several days at a time. yes i am terrified of gaining weight and my perception of what is fat has changed drastically (for one person. me). but i mean. am i really that underweight? do i *actually* have a problem?
what do you guys consider a “significantly low body weight”?
anyways the quote is from me because my best friend told me “you have a fucking problem and you need to get help.”
I’m so gross
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Sun Jun 3 14:28:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8obf8b/im_so_gross/
---
So I just tried a dress I had bought about 4 years ago with my spandex on under it. It fit! I thought I looked nice until I got in front of the fucking mirror. I was so LUMPY! My boobs and waist looked okay until you got to my muffin top. Then right around my hips curves in a tiny bit then BAM right to my fat fucking thighs. My body is literally shaped so weird. I tore that dress and tossed it to the back of my clothes. Maybe next year it’ll look okay...
I’m not hungry and I feel like a fraud
/u/atexasgal
Created: Sun Jun 3 14:12:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8obb56/im_not_hungry_and_i_feel_like_a_fraud/
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I ate about 900 calories today. OMAD. But I feel fucking full. And I feel like I under counted even tho I really don’t think I did.
If my stomach isn’t growling/I don’t feel empty I feel like a faker. And I hate it
Vent post (X-posted from ProEdMemes)
/u/SquirrelMcPants
Created: Sun Jun 3 13:43:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ob3h8/vent_post_xposted_from_proedmemes/
---
https://reddit.app.link/OunZ1p5isN
Sometimes feel like restricting, sometimes don't
/u/alexhjones95
Created: Sun Jun 3 11:54:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8oab6l/sometimes_feel_like_restricting_sometimes_dont/
---
I'm curious to see if anyone else is like me.
Some days I feel like I'm getting fat and that I need to restrict my calories or only eat healthy safe foods. Some days I don't worry about my weight or calories. I love looking at tumblr thinspo or ana diets. Even when I want to starve my boyfriend won't allow it and makes me eat if he notices that I'm restricting. I used to be good at starving when I was all alone.
I am 5'7" and about 120 pounds.
I just binged, felt bad, and had the weirdest dream ever.
/u/MajorAmoeba1
Created: Sun Jun 3 10:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o9usp/i_just_binged_felt_bad_and_had_the_weirdest_dream/
---
I should preface this by saying that I never have dreams and it's just a black darkness for most nights. And it's a rarity to have one that I actually remember the next day and makes sense coherently.
Last night, I had binged for the second time. I was only supposed to eat one slice of vegetable pizza and some water, but I ended up eating a total of 4 slices of the gooey goodness, 10 fine hazelnut chocolates, a giant banana nut muffin, 4 chicken wings from Chilli's and a salad. I felt terrible. How could I let myself do this? I moped in my room about it for some time before going to bed. I wondered how my boyfriend could ever like a girl like me before going to sleep and I dozed off.
Next thing I knew, I was on a dirt trail lined with a few dark green bushes. The sky was a beautiful blue with a few white fluffy clouds.(Took a hike earlier that day IRL) I was walking with my boyfriend and a random girl from elementary school. Let's call her Alice. (Alice had never done anything to me in elementary school, was actually a pretty cool friend for a while.) We just talked for a while, walking along, when suddenly she explained to my boyfriend something. "If you had a choice between a beautiful princess (her) and an ugly witch (me), which one would you choose?" He didn't respond, but my brain's imagination ran with it. Alice challenged me to a duel at her place. It was at sunset.
I remember I was in a giant metal room with 6 lights on the ceiling, each in 3 giant clusters. I tried to escape, but the door was locked. There was a glass panel viewing room above me, where Alice was holding my boyfriend as a hostage. Suddenly, the lights went on, and lazers started dancing around. I panicked and started dodging them. Jumping, running, and rolling. This went on for a while, while Alice was gloating at me from above about my death to my boyfriend. Alice was teasing me, and I was very frustrated. Eventually, my foot got cut by a laser when I was dodging, and I fell. I couldn't get back up, and neither did I want to. I was exhausted. All I could think about was how I was unworthy of him and how nothing was going for me and I lost hope. The laser turned towards me and cut through my stomach, and I let it run through me. I felt the searing red laser burning through my back and organs in my body, and I screamed loudly as Alice cackled. I woke up midway through the laser, and I think I died.
... Jesus Christ, I never want to binge again. I'm going on a water fast today.
I think that pro ana communities are the only way I can keep control over what I eat
/u/clapyourhandsaywoo
Created: Sun Jun 3 10:48:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o9tyj/i_think_that_pro_ana_communities_are_the_only_way/
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I joined pro ana communities for the first time 3 years ago and since then I tried to quit them over and over again because I was aware of the damage they could be and tried to lose/maintain my weight in a healthy way but I can't do it. Everytime I decide to stop looking for thinspiration I start to binge.
[Help] Why tf does cinnamon have so many calories???? Does anyone know why?
/u/smallgrl
Created: Sun Jun 3 10:44:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o9std/why_tf_does_cinnamon_have_so_many_calories_does/
---
https://i.redd.it/z7b3iawket111.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Little victory over body dysmorphia - and I got a cute pair of jeans out of it!
/u/mainechick
Created: Sun Jun 3 10:44:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o9srz/little_victory_over_body_dysmorphia_and_i_got_a/
---
So I took some pictures of myself in 2 new pairs of jeans to compare them side by side and when I was wearing them I hated them both so much and felt like I couldn't find any good jeans to make my ass and legs look even ok because they're so big. I was going to return both pairs but missed the deadline because my life is a mess and thought I was just out the money on jeans I would never wear. Well a few weeks later I caught a glimpse of the pics in my gallery and thought they were of one of my friends that I'm super jealous of how hot she is BUT THEY WERE THE SAME PICS AS BEFORE. As in, I didn't realize the picture was of me and all of a sudden I thought the girl in the picture was wicked hot purely because I didn't think she was me. So now I'm just wicked happy and have a cute pair of jeans that I can feel confident in if I keep reminding myself of what they looked like when I didn't think I was the one wearing them. I know this is so small but I have been hunting for SO FUCKING LONG to find jeans I like and it's been a long time since I've lost significant weight and needed a win. Thanks for reading.
What’s wrong with me?
/u/deianara_crush
Created: Sun Jun 3 10:32:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o9psi/whats_wrong_with_me/
---
I know that I’m at a “healthy” weight right now, but I just can’t believe I ever let myself get to this point. My max weight up until about 4 years ago was 110lb. I thought I was fat then, but now I realize I took it all for granted. I work a desk job for which I travel a lot and I’m tired all the time and I just can’t figure out a way to drop down to my previous weight again. I’ve been low-key “restricting” (i.e. eating very small portions/never finishing meals), but it’s almost impossible to avoid shitty food and binge-y dinners. I feel enormous. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to feel this way, but I feel like I won’t be able to feel good again until I’ve lost at least 25lbs.
[Discussion] had one last big meal last night. a sort of f*ck it, last hurrah thing.
/u/fizzyvelvet
Created: Sun Jun 3 10:18:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o9lsn/had_one_last_big_meal_last_night_a_sort_of_fck_it/
---
My mom forced me to eat all these high calorie meals last night. I was so pissed, and of course we would have to eat in public. No faking eating there.
I came home last night and created a calendar for my fast and exercise I will be doing each day. I've planned out one week so far. I will not be eating in public under any circumstances. Enough is enough.
My mom is overweight. My sister is overweight. Most of my friends and family are overweight. I'm realizing that eating with them, regardless of how small the portions, will make me gain weight too.
Idk what the point of this post was, I just feel like talking about it. I sure as hell can't talk to my therapist about it, seeing as she's completely incompetent and tells my mother everything about my sessions, even though I don't discuss anything that suggests I'm anorexic or anything life threatening.
Anyways, calendar is planned out. All is good.
[Other] Why do people need to comment on other people’s methods?!
/u/Whose_cat_is_that
Created: Sun Jun 3 09:43:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o9bs9/why_do_people_need_to_comment_on_other_peoples/
---
I was asked what I was going to have for lunch. I just replied “oh, I ate quite a lot at breakfast, so I think I’m just going to skip lunch today” (which was true). I was met with comments on how unhealthy it is to do that, how I can’t lose weight by skipping meals (erm, yes I can lol) and how I’m making myself sick.
How would they have reacted if I had told them I had fasted the day before?! I know I am restricting more than is considered “healthy” but I actually consider this to be the healthiest I’ve been in years. I was destroying myself by bingeing and bingeing for hours a day. The problem I have is that the more I hear that kind of thing, the more it triggers me to restrict more. I don’t want to flip in the other direction and become seriously underweight and I’m trying my best to add in some days where I don’t restrict too much (but still enough to keep losing). I want to be able to reach my goal and stop there. I just wish people would understand how much impact an off hand comment like that can make.
Fingernails...?
/u/starvy_punk
Created: Sun Jun 3 09:31:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o98p1/fingernails/
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I think im starting to get the fingernail thing after my last fast. Pale ass and very obvious ring through my nail and its all pale after.
Painting my nails isnt an option, any other idea to keep this from being noticed?
Do you eat less or more when sad
/u/sexygoddessforsale
Created: Sun Jun 3 09:10:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o9370/do_you_eat_less_or_more_when_sad/
---
[Rant/Rave] I am never smoking again
/u/DataDino
Created: Sun Jun 3 09:07:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o92bn/i_am_never_smoking_again/
---
Long time lurker, first time poster. So Hi! 💜
Anyway, as the title suggest I am never smoking pot again. Fuck this shit, very seldom I can smoke and not binge. I have been restricting so well lately, all below 1000 calories and last night I fucking binged on **2100** calories. I could feel my body expanding and had a horrible time sleeping because of it. I hate it, I smoke to relax and this shit happens. Worst part is when I binge, i'm a total asshole to my poor boyfriend. So for the sake of losing weight and not lashing out at my bf, i'm finished with pot. Maybe once I reach my UGW i'll try again but for now, fuck getting high. 😭
can digital scales be wrong?
/u/h0pe3
Created: Sun Jun 3 08:57:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o9029/can_digital_scales_be_wrong/
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i just worked up the courage to weigh myself for the first time in several months, maybe even a year. The last weight I remember recording was 177lbs, but this morning I weighed 149lbs. this makes absolutely no sense because i was restricting like CRAZY when i weighed 177 and i’ve been eating anything and everything the past six months and some how i weigh 30 pounds less??
is it possible for a digital scale to be that wrong?
[Rant/Rave] I hate when others change plans and it messes up my food plans
/u/smmcg1123
Created: Sun Jun 3 08:56:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o8zzc/i_hate_when_others_change_plans_and_it_messes_up/
---
I had my day all planned out:
One hard boiled egg for breakfast. Plenty of time to swim and burn a bunch of calories this morning and afternoon. Cookout with fam later, eating a bun less burger.
BUT, as soon as I eat my egg and prep to swim, I get a call that plans are changing. This involves less swim time and more time faced with food. Ugh. I could skip it all, but I like being social and I enjoy these annoying people most of the time.
I wish I hadn’t had the stupid egg and just jumped in the water first thing this morning.
Why are restaurants absolutely incapable of not saturating their food in oil and butter??
/u/LLazarus732
Created: Sun Jun 3 08:55:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o8ztw/why_are_restaurants_absolutely_incapable_of_not/
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Every single time I have to go out for dinner with my family I order a side of vegetables or just spinach, only to receive a bowl of melted butter with a leaf floating in it. I just want some fucking plants goddammit.
[Help] Constant spotting?
/u/beemolovesyou
Created: Sun Jun 3 08:51:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o8z2b/constant_spotting/
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Hello sweet friends —
so I hit a low weight today (93 lbs) but have been struggling with daily spotting since i was around 100 or so. is this from restriction? i thought i would lose my period entirely at this point. I also have a mirena iud.
I’m getting very frustrated with this. I have ruined almost all of my underwear and sex makes the bleeding worse. I have a lot of anxiety around seeing doctors, but I did finally suck it the hell up and put my adult hat on &scheduled an appointment for my GP and my OBGYN this week.
Has anyone else with a low weight experienced near constant bleeding? Should I prepare myself for the feedback of the doctors being to gain weight? OR AM I DYING OF A RARE CANCER LIKE GOOGLE KEEPS TELLING ME (why do I do that to myself every time?)
thank you for any input you may have!
Stomach acidity during fasting?
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Sun Jun 3 08:50:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o8yrf/stomach_acidity_during_fasting/
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Whenever I fast, my stomach feels so acidic, like it's boiling or something. And it makes any food I eat after just.. gross. Sparkling water usually helps, but not much. Also, those little chalk tablet thingies.
Anyone else go through this? Any advice?
The most cringy ED "quotes" you've found online?
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Sun Jun 3 08:32:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o8vo5/the_most_cringy_ed_quotes_youve_found_online/
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Like "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"
or
"I didn't eat for 3 days so I could be lovely"
[Rant/Rave] i just want to feel normal again
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sun Jun 3 08:23:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o8twv/i_just_want_to_feel_normal_again/
---
ever since i entered this intense restriction phase things just dont feel the same anymore. idk if its the inevitable depression that comes with being in an unhealthy deficit or what but it feels like im in this weird parallel universe, like my entire perception is messed up. it sucks.
"You eat soo much sugar, but you're still so skinny!!"
/u/Pretty_White_Walker
Created: Sun Jun 3 07:24:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o8hy6/you_eat_soo_much_sugar_but_youre_still_so_skinny/
---
For a little bit of background, I have had issues with disordered eating (or as my therapist puts it "anorexic tendencies") via restricting and overexercising for the past few years. I graduated college last month, and after a great vacation on the beach without phones, I decided to give recovery a genuine try.
So during the vacation I ate whatever I wanted, and when I got back I decided not to go into "restriction mode." I usually had around 108-107 being my goal, and 110 being the average. Currently I'm sitting at about 115, and have been since I got back from vacation and started my job. Some days are better than others, eating wise.
So yesterday I attended a street arts festival with 2 other couple friends of my husband and I's. We were in a book shop taking a break, and I bought a book and a vegan cookies and cream scone.
One of the girls, from these couples, let's call her June, then began saying the mentioned title, saying that she works so hard and can't eat that much without gaining. Then June laughed about how tiny my friend and I were, saying words like 'itty bitty,' and 'nothing there', touching my friends waist. I had to walk away and pretend to be into my book, but I felt sick.
Yeah, we ate alot of sugar that day, it was a arts and food festival ffs. We grabbed lunch, then we got stoned and so I split a shaved ice with the hubs to combat the cotton mouth. Then we got some fried Oreo's because we get the chance to eat fried oreos *maaaybe* twice a year, tops. Then I got a vegan cookies and cream scone because..I just wanted one, and isn't that how normal people decide they want to eat something?!? They just do it??
I feel like I made her sound awful, but I do want to disclaim that Jen's a wonderful girl. She's from Thailand originally, and english isn't her first language, and she didn't know about my issues because I didn't tell her. I believe none of it was malicious.
But since then I've been feeling really off. That evening I got a migraine so I had to go home early, and today I'm not good. I took a couple of laxatives this morning, and I've just been trying to stay hydrated so I don't feel hungry. I feel gross, I feel every fucking jiggle of my body, and I don't want to talk to anyone, or go out. I wanna lie and make my psychiatrist think I'm doing good enough to finally prescribe Adderall instead of mood stabilizers. I wanna do something that would make me puke, and I wanna binge every thing in this house.
TD;DR: I had an interaction yesterday that left me feeling real fucky and I don't know how to move past it. Help? Idk.
I feel like this is a win
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Sun Jun 3 07:07:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o8em7/i_feel_like_this_is_a_win/
---
I went shopping online because I just got my first big girl job (at 25 lol took me a while) and I have zero clothes that can be considered “business casual.”
I ordered from a place called SheIn and it was literally the biggest blow to my self esteem. ***Stear clear of insta adds!!!!!!***
I ordered 10 shirts and all but one made me want to never show myself in public ever again. Ugh. I hate shopping 😭😭😭😭 but there was one shirt that wasn’t awful. It didn’t fit perfectly (I have really broad shoulders) but I know I’m losing weight and it will fit much better in about 5-7 pounds.
Anyways...I forgot to wash my ONE Sunday shirt!!!! Yes. One. 😂 (I’m a worship leader and pastors wife) I went into my closet and grabbed the shirt I didn’t return to SheIn. Last week, I couldn’t move my arms in this and [now it’s only slightly snug in the shoulder department!](https://imgur.com/a/4QYbokz) I actually started to cry. I have another Sunday shirt. And more motivation to keep losing 🙌🏼
[Thinspo] Looking for some good thinspo! I am kinda out of people and I would love to know who you guys find is the ultimate thinspo!
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Sun Jun 3 07:04:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o8e1z/looking_for_some_good_thinspo_i_am_kinda_out_of/
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I feel like I have bottomed out with some thinspo. I find I look for thinspo more between thin and bone. Any suggestions welcome!
[Rant/Rave] just some rant thing
/u/cottonlung
Created: Sun Jun 3 06:42:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o8a08/just_some_rant_thing/
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i’m hiding under my covers because i don’t want to deal with the world right now.
in the last two hours i’ve eaten 1000+ calories and now my family are back earlier than i expected so i feel sad and sick i don’t want to go back to school and have exams and stress eat i hate the holidays i feel like i don’t get anything done.
i feel like the only person in exam season right now that would rather be at school than at home because i hate mine so much.
Daily Food Diary! June 03, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 3 06:11:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o84t3/daily_food_diary_june_03_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 03, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Jun 3 06:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o84sf/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
---
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:
* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found
i wish my body had a forecast so i would just be able to check wtf its planning on doing
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Sun Jun 3 06:01:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o8377/i_wish_my_body_had_a_forecast_so_i_would_just_be/
---
58% water retention today!
period showers expected to start on tuesday, moved up from friday!
80% chance of pooping at 9am tomorrow!
like please?
[Other] Positive weekend
/u/kein0815
Created: Sun Jun 3 03:43:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o7jp0/positive_weekend/
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I just finished a 21 km run and now I’m amazed by my body for being able to do this. I guess it’s not a complete piece of shit. Also I was visiting my family this weekend and I did NOT binge which is super surprising.
On Friday I was out with friends and I ordered a Diet Coke. When the waiter came to our table he jokingly said it’s a normal coke. It was a Diet Coke but I almost lost my shit. Stuff like this is not funny.
What things did you guys accomplish this weekend?
[Discussion] How do you deal with headaches from fasting
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Sun Jun 3 03:31:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o7i18/how_do_you_deal_with_headaches_from_fasting/
---
Now, I'm not pro\-ana and asking you all how to fast. I know this is not what the subreddit supports.
I get bad headaches, even if I only go like the day without eating good, just 12 hours or something. I can't stand the headaches most of the time and eat something and they usually go away. Does anyone else experience this? I am really against taking any pain medication. I try to drink as much as I can during the day as well but still I get headaches.
anyone elses parents making harm reduction nearly impossible?
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Sun Jun 3 02:08:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o771d/anyone_elses_parents_making_harm_reduction_nearly/
---
is anyone else in a situation where they cant try to have small but nutritionally balanced portions? i can only eat foods that are low calorie so i can make it look like im eating a "normal" portion (side note, the "normal" portions are huge in my family), which means im eating mainly vegetables and lacking protein (and other nutrients) , which makes me feel like shit and hungry most of the time. i cant buy fatfree yogurt or just have a small cube of cheese without having to hear that im starving myself. my mother doesnt want me cooking my own meals and i dont have the money to do my own grocery shopping. my mother also adds unneccesary calories when cooking so even traditionally low cal foods make me go over my cal limit, so i dont have any cals left to have healthy snacks to try to get some nutrients im lacking. supplements would raise questions and im not willing to spend money on those. idk, im just angry rn
mom, stop
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Sun Jun 3 01:01:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o6xq3/mom_stop/
---
i want to be skinny, so clearly i must be an anorexic
i had one shot of rum, so clearly im turning into an alcoholic
what the fuck. i need to move out...
Girl at work is making life hard
/u/lovingwife1289
Created: Sun Jun 3 00:28:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o6sla/girl_at_work_is_making_life_hard/
---
I literally feel like a child rn. I feel like I've "aged out" of my ed. I guess anxiety meds have helped. It always was 10000% about control for me. Looking attractive and sexy as well. But I have major control issues. I guess in my somewhat adult life, I've just found other things to obsess over and control. Work. My partner. Sometimes I go back to my body. Sometimes other things about myself. It cycles. It's all about balance right? That's healthy?
What I'm saying is I feel like I don't belong here, because my ED isnt all consuming like it once was. It's just a bad habit that I find myself leaning on once and awhile for comfort. But then I feel weak, and not in the way I like, for not being able to stick to something even if it's bad for me.
Anyway. I've started a new job recently. A sort of shit job, a downgrade, but it's good. Things are good, so I should be happy. My fiancé is now the bread winner so I took on a less stressful, lower paying job. I should be happy, right?
I work in a gas station in a white trash disgusting town. The people are disgusting. I count the calories in their disgusting food. I take home gross food to binge and keep getting fatter. There's one woman who comes in at least once a week who has an eating disorder. She's literally my goal body. She buys nothing but gas and giant bottles of water. Today I saw her check out the labels on some new snack food and then put it back and not buy it. I brought food home and picked a fight with my fiance. Asked him for half an hour what he finds sexy in a woman. I feel so petty and immature and I hate myself. I just feel like I've changed. IDK it's like being a recovered alcoholic who sometimes gets drunk but is pretty okay but then sees someone having the time of their life binge drinking and misses it even though its bad. I feel myself slipping back into it immediately, but I know I'm too pathetic these days to even keep a bad habit anymore.
Feeling 'vulgar' at higher weights?
/u/cocionut
Created: Sun Jun 3 00:22:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o6rm8/feeling_vulgar_at_higher_weights/
---
I really hope some of y'all can relate, since I'm not sure if this is a trans thing or an ED thing. At higher weights, I tend to see my body as vulgar, Basically, I feel like a sex doll. I know this is irrational, because I fit in men's jeans and shirts, but that doesn't make the feeling go away, you know? I keep seeing my boobs as huge, my thighs as thick and my face as rounded and cute, wihch makes me want to die.
I genuinely believe weightloss is going to help with my dysphoria. It'll have to take fat from the boobs at one point, right? It can't just keep making my waist smaller. That's what motivates me at the moment, anyways.
[Rant/Rave] went to a reunion and NOBODY recognized me
/u/commandermel
Created: Sun Jun 3 00:03:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o6omq/went_to_a_reunion_and_nobody_recognized_me/
---
So to start I'm a 5' 9", 21 y/o F.
I went to a debutant ball tonight which is sort of a reunion sort of deal as they're usually held right before senior year of high school. I was really anxious bc high school was really rough for me. When I graduated high school I was 210 lbs (HW). Now I'm 140 lbs. Literally nobody except my friends that I kept in contact with recognized me. Literally I felt like I was on cloud 9 it was so good. One girl stopped me and was like "wait...... are you...... are you commandermel?" She was so shocked and that was a huge confidence boost.
All in all tonight turned out to be really nice!!
Can it even be considered the weekend if I don't hate myself at some point?
/u/inthe_WreckWomb
Created: Sat Jun 2 23:41:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o6l6h/can_it_even_be_considered_the_weekend_if_i_dont/
---
Tune in next weekend to find out, because I've already completely disappointed myself.
Is 130 the cursed weight or something
/u/glossboy
Created: Sat Jun 2 22:56:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o6dkp/is_130_the_cursed_weight_or_something/
---
I have been stuck just above 130 lbs for 5 months now. And it IS my fault but GOD I just plateau every single fucking time I hit 130\-131 for an entire week and just give up, gain 9 lbs of water weight, lose it, rinse and repeat. I've experienced plateaus coming from 159 to 140 but I'm so sick and tired of being in the 130s range. I remember thinking the same thing when I couldn't break out of the 140s range, and I'm finally out of it, but it's so damn tiring this time around. I'm gonna NOT try to fuck myself over with the "screw it, it's not happening let's just eat whatever I want" mentality anymore. But please.... body I want to see the 120s ONCE in my life before I die thanks.
[Discussion] How to completely deplete my appetite?
/u/vhshood98
Created: Sat Jun 2 22:36:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o69zr/how_to_completely_deplete_my_appetite/
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My central quandary is that I am always hungry, so, how do I completely suppress my appetite so I can effectively starve? Thanks.
It feels awesome when another proED person says this in a non ed related sub, then begins to pm you to continue the harassment.
/u/crochetyhooker
Created: Sat Jun 2 22:34:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o69me/it_feels_awesome_when_another_proed_person_says/
---
https://i.redd.it/crd0rq6gsp111.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I don’t know if I have an eating disorder and I’m too afraid to find out.
/u/malamala1073
Created: Sat Jun 2 22:33:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o69et/i_dont_know_if_i_have_an_eating_disorder_and_im/
---
I feel as if I’m not actually doing anything unhealthy but I’m miserable and self-hating. I vary wildly between eating 800 calories or binging and eating >2000. I’ve lost 30 pounds since January and I think I’m supposed to feel better about myself now, but whereas I was relatively comfortable with myself before now I see myself as a fat sack of shit even though I’ve lost weight. I can never stop thinking that it’s not enough and that I’m not doing enough. I have never been more self-conscious than I do now even though everyone tells me how good I look now. Even the feeling of having a full stomach (not an over-full stomach) makes me feel like a failure. I also compulsively try to purge when I overeat, but I’m never able to actually make anything come up. But I still try every single time and then beat myself up for not being able to.
I relate to so much of what I see in this sub, but I’ve lost weight at a healthy rate (when averaged out, but I typically lose 2-3 pounds in a week when I’m restricting and then gain it back binging the next week, and repeat). And on an average day I eat 1200-1400 calories, which is healthy for my height but I still hate myself for eating that much. I don’t know how to explain it. I feel like such a failure for not losing weight more quickly, and I hate myself for it. I don’t think that it’s healthy but I’m afraid to ask a doctor about it.
I can’t make myself throw up?
/u/293901
Created: Sat Jun 2 22:05:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o63z9/i_cant_make_myself_throw_up/
---
I always ALWAYS try, when I eat a lot of food. I can get up a mouthful and then nothing else. I have a gag reflex, but nothing substantial ever comes up. Can anyone give me tips for how to get more up? I usually use my fingers to trigger the gag reflex but I’ve also used the end of my toothbrush. I just want all this fucking food out of me
[Rant/Rave] Torturing myself
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Sat Jun 2 22:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o639u/torturing_myself/
---
I FINALLY was able to use someone's scale. Guess what! 140lbs! So so happy, Its the lowest I've been in the last 2 1/2 years! But then what do I do? Binge binge binge... I'm so sad. I'm only 5'1 1/2 I'm not tall enough for the weight I'm at now :( god I just want to get out of this obesity stage... feel like I probably already gained that stubborn 5 back (logically I'm sure I haven't) god why am I like this.
[Tip] Extremely Normal ED behaviour of the day: slowly lick steviol from your palm to curb hunger
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Sat Jun 2 21:51:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o616s/extremely_normal_ed_behaviour_of_the_day_slowly/
---
https://i.redd.it/hcs00c8okp111.jpg
[Discussion] What’s something strange/unexpected that you find super triggering?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Sat Jun 2 21:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o6106/whats_something_strangeunexpected_that_you_find/
---
I was watching Friends today and the episodes that have “fat Monica” binge eating contrastes against so-thin-you-can-see-her-chestbones “normal Monica” simultaneously makes me want to binge and never eat again. So I’m curious- what are some strange or unexpected that you find triggering?
[Goal] Small NSV!
/u/PunkHoyden
Created: Sat Jun 2 21:37:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o5yea/small_nsv/
---
(non scale victory).... literally!!
I've only been weighing myself once every three days for the past fortnight. I normally weigh myself three times a day every day.
It's been scary and really hard, but it's one of the baby side steps I've been making into recovery :)
I am currently losing weight to get back into my safe zone (am 51currently need to be between 49.9-48) but am hopeful not weighing myself as much will be helpful for when I am maintaining again :)
I am taller than I thought I was
/u/100isthegoal
Created: Sat Jun 2 21:27:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o5wfp/i_am_taller_than_i_thought_i_was/
---
Only by 1 cm lmao, but anything helps at this point.
[Rant/Rave] i wish i could binge and purge without any consequences
/u/emaciatedbrain
Created: Sat Jun 2 21:18:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o5uma/i_wish_i_could_binge_and_purge_without_any/
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lots of normal people wish they could eat anything they want without weight gain, risk of obesity related diseases, etc. honestly..i wish i could binge and purge without fucking myself up. mind you, i haven't binged and purged for a month or so \(but i still restrict :/. ednos, am i right?\). i mean...how great would it be if i could just eat 70$ worth of junk food in one sitting and puke my guts out without feeling like i'm slowly dying?
I physically can’t see weight fluctuations
/u/narkreturn
Created: Sat Jun 2 19:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o5acc/i_physically_cant_see_weight_fluctuations/
---
When you reach your main goal weight and lose 8kg but don’t look any different. I know I’m smaller cause clothes fit drastically differently and the number says so too. But I just feel like I look the exact same as before. I never saw myself gain the weight and still can’t see myself lose the weight.
Trying to recover but the weight loss is starting to show
/u/cinnamonbicycle
Created: Sat Jun 2 19:39:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o5ab1/trying_to_recover_but_the_weight_loss_is_starting/
---
How does this keep on happening?
I don't have a scale (parents hid it I think) but the last time I weighed myself I was 95ish. I've got to be at least 90 now, maybe less. Probably less. Idk.
I didn't *mean* for this to happen. I really didn't. It always ends up like this: I slowly eat less and less without noticing how my portions are shrinking... until I realize it, but by then it's too late and I'm afraid to eat again.
What the hell do I do? My mom is starting to notice. *I'm* starting to notice. I'm... I'm really skinny. This from someone who is literally unable to see her body objectively. My bones poke through and my legs are tiny. It's unnatural for my body to the point where body-dysmorphia-afflicted me can see it. But I can't stop.
I have to stop, though. I can't stop but I have to. I want to, but I've already gotten so attached to this tiny body and addicted to starving. Every time I recover. Why does it always end up like this?
I'll try again tomorrow, just like I do every day. I'll really try. Please, can't it just be easier than this? Why am I so terrified by the concept of- gasp- *not* being skeletal? What the hell is so scary about eating at or above maintenance calories? Who cares if I don't feel starving before I let myself eat?
Argh. I need to get my act together, and soon, or else all hell will break lose with my mom. I still have a whole year left to live at home, and I'd like to do so without anorexia ruining it every few months. Does anyone have any advice that could possibly help me at all?
A semicoherent rant about depression and similar shit.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sat Jun 2 19:29:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o58bw/a_semicoherent_rant_about_depression_and_similar/
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I have no friends, no hobbies, no worthwhile experiences to look back on and none to anticipate, and it's always been like this, me desperately trying to fill my empty life with daydreams and promises that it'll get better. I've seen a shitload of therapists, but the only ones willing to see me pro bono have the bare minimum in terms of credentials and it's readily apparent. I'm never going to be able to afford better. My ED is the most satisfying thing in my life, but I can't even fully immerse myself in that because I'm never alone. I live in a one room motel with my family and the complete lack of privacy makes me feel like a caged animal on the verge of a breakdown. Nothing interests me whatsoever, people and activities alike. I don't think I'm capable of wanting and being wanted. I feel certain there's something fundamentally different about me that has marked me as indefinably wrong, and it's probably that unseemly mix of self\-loathing and self\-obsession that's so repellant. Considering how detached I feel from people, I'm not sure why I want to be loved at all. It probably wouldn't impact me, but it's fun to dream. My life consists of alternating between sleeping and aimlessly browsing the internet, then checking my phone and realizing the day is over, and that tomorrow and every day following I'll be looking down at the time and thinking precisely the same thing. It's cyclic, it's mind numbing, it's excruciating. I just want to check out of my life.
fuck
/u/holly-mint
Created: Sat Jun 2 19:11:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o54mi/fuck/
---
i'm not really sure what to title this post and i guess it's not totally ED related but i feel like people here will understand best? i just feel like my life is completely over. when i was younger (in high school) i would wake up at 6 to go to school, get home at 5, study until 10 quite frequently, while also maintaining friendships, a relationship and working. there was a time when i was like that in uni too for a while, working my ass off, balancing school/social life/health and just being exactly who i wanted to be. i was a nursing student. i used to be a girl guide (girl scouts in some countries), go camping, swim outdoors in the summer, walk everywhere, make friends, get involved in clubs, volunteer, and was super active in the lgbt community. i was super independent and a great friend. i struggled with depression since 16 and ED since at least 14 and although i fell down a lot i would always be able to get back up.
i ended up going through a tough time when a bunch of stressful life events (including my parents divorcing and basically ceasing to be able to help me in any way) all happened at once and i became physically sick from it, too sick to carry on with school and almost too sick to work. i tried to pull it together but it was basically a disaster, i tried to go back to school and couldn't do it, tried to work and that fell apart, i had multiple unstable housing situations during that time that i don't want to go into but during the beginning of this time i was raped and as a result struggle with PTSD.
now i'm obese, haven't worked in 2 years, i'm tired all the time, rarely go out, i don't do any of the things i used to love and be passionate about, i'm living with my straight partner (we are legally married to take advantage of some financial stuff but the real wedding hasn't happened yet). it's constantly one crisis after another with money. my partners family of origin are abusive, his mother is diagnosed with a personality disorder but i don't believe she's the only one with something like that-- she ruminates on imaginary problems and gets the whole family gossiping and the fact i don't want to participate in this shit makes me a target. my fiance/husband is fucking broken from all this, the amount of things i have had to teach him that a parent needs to teach their child to be a functional adult is truly disgusting, i feel sick even thinking about these people and the way they treat us contributes massively to my binge eating, and triggers the fuck out of my ptsd so i'm constantly trapped in this feeling and can't break out of it and take a stand for myself.
I was decluttering last night and found a bunch of birthday party invitations and other crap like that from elementary school, and it broke my heart remembering that i used to be social butterfly and basically friends with everyone and now i feel so alone-- i used to have my sights set on these big career aspirations that would help me change people's lives and i literally don't know how to even get a job with such a big gap in my resume now.
I guess i kind of just want commiseration but if anyone on here happens to be really talented with job hunt type of stuff and know how i could maybe start working again, part time so i don't burn out and die, i would super appreciate some advice. i just seriously miss myself if that makes sense and i want to be that person again one day :'(
[Rant/Rave] From 79lbs up to 110 in 4 months. HELP. I've never been this depressed.
/u/I_donut_carrot_all
Created: Sat Jun 2 19:08:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o543o/from_79lbs_up_to_110_in_4_months_help_ive_never/
---
So I was involuntarily admitted at the end of January after a medical incident at work. Ended up in a residential center, put the work in to get out of there and thought I could manage.
But this is fucking insane. I'm absolutely miserable. Not just because of how I look. I'm so fatigued, it's like the extra weight is literally weighing me down, I'm eating everything in sight (because I'm a fat ass already), my hair is falling out by the handfuls. I'm so so depressed. It makes me so sad to realize how happy I was before, only to have it taken away from me. I had prospects, I was confident, would go in public.
Now, I'm considering breaking up with my boyfriend because I literally can't stand him touching or looking at me, I leave the house once a week because I have to and I'm so so tired.
I feel like if I could get down to 95-100, I could manage. I realize I took it too far last time, and I'm very lucky to be alive. But to me this is not living.
How do you stop the binge cycle after recovery. How can I "safely" get my weight down as quickly as possible? I'm losing my fucking mind over here with this 1.5 lb a week then ruining it all with 10,000 binges.
Help. Help. Help.
I have to stop drinking for five days
/u/Wisdomtoothinquiry
Created: Sat Jun 2 18:56:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o51m1/i_have_to_stop_drinking_for_five_days/
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After several weeks of extreme binging, I've gained eight pounds and feel miserable. I've been restricting at 650 to 850 calories per day the last week, about 600 of which have been alcohol. I drink every day. I look forward to the time that I can start drinking and base my caloric intake on how many beers I want to allow myself.
I've been involved in a longitudinal family study since I was maybe nine years old. They contact me every three years to conduct some brain wave tests and a two hour interview with a psychologist. I'm going in next week for the study and was just going over my paperwork. I completely forgot that the study requires you to abstain from alcohol for five days prior.
I'm nervous as fuck. But also kind of excited to see if I can do it and the effect it will have on my deficit, considering that the vast majority of my calories are from alcohol. I guess I'm posting this for accountability and also because I love you guys and see you all as my friends, even though we've never met. So, thank you for reading. Love you,
How to raise blood pressure?
/u/anhedonicandlaconic
Created: Sat Jun 2 18:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o4y0t/how_to_raise_blood_pressure/
---
Every time I stand up/do anything in the heat I get very dizzy and faint and I'm pretty certain it's because my blood pressure is tanking.
Can anyone offer tips on how to get it up?
[Discussion] DAE measure their success with weekly calorie averages?
/u/binkybarnes6969420
Created: Sat Jun 2 18:32:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o4wkw/dae_measure_their_success_with_weekly_calorie/
---
In a way to keep myself sane, I take my calories/weight loss by week instead of by day. For example, I’ll add up the total calories I’ve had over 7 days, then divide it by 7 to get an average.
I try to keep my average between 900 and 1200. I’m often very sporadic with my daily intakes, so I can have a 1500 calorie day, a 1000 calorie day, 700 calorie day, etc. wherein the lower calorie days compensate for the higher calorie ones if that makes any sense?
Idk it helps me from binging huge amounts cause I refuse to “start fresh tomorrow”; It also keeps me from beating myself up too much over eating more than planned, because it feels like a safety net if I have a low calorie day(s) in my week.
I’ll still freak out and attempt to purge if I eat more than 1200 cals sometimes but overall having averages keeps me a little more grounded.
[Discussion] DAE pee 24/7 from all the liquid they drink?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Sat Jun 2 18:17:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o4t6m/dae_pee_247_from_all_the_liquid_they_drink/
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😂 😂 😂 😂
[Help] Medicines to help with anger/semi-depression that don’t cause weight gain?
/u/us0special
Created: Sat Jun 2 18:12:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o4s1u/medicines_to_help_with_angersemidepression_that/
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I’m coming to the realization that I have some sort of issue regarding my mood and need to get it taken care of. I have a form of depression. Adhd meds don’t help, mane my skin disgusting, and I feel angry and sad and crazy on the comedown.
I am a mess.
I am scared to regularly take wellbutrin, even though I have some,
because the potential seizure side-effects.....
Something that exhausts me
/u/iloveitosusumu
Created: Sat Jun 2 17:46:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o4mh8/something_that_exhausts_me/
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I stopped weighing because I'm afraid, but I fit in a size 6 now. I still feel like I'm huge, and I think I'm starting to see the beginning of loose skin. I feel lost, I don't know how much longer I have to restrict and I'm upset because I still look like a fucking lump despite how long I've been trying. Obviously this whole thing is self-serving, but every time I look for ideal body types, they seem to be size xs or 4. They never fucking list their weight. How am I supposed to know what I should aim for if I don't know it? i can trust their size or appearance unless I can associate it with a reasonable number. And when they do list it, sometimes it's a blatant lie. Do u REALLY expect me to believe that this 5'5 goddess wearing a 2 is 120 pounds?? Especially when it's asia-based models. They/their managers will lie right to ur face about how much they weigh and what they eat daily.
I'm just exasperated. I can't trust my own eyes to tell me when I'll look normal. I need the numbers. I promised myself I would use the scale again when I had a set goal weight, because now 120 feels too high. Honestly I would be fine weighing 300 pounds if it somehow made me look normal!!!! U know what I mean?? I just want a number! That's gonna tell me when I look beautiful and worthy of things like kindness and food and a future.
Experiences with transitioning from high school to college/moving away from home?
/u/peach-love
Created: Sat Jun 2 17:43:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o4lv4/experiences_with_transitioning_from_high_school/
---
I really have no idea how I’m going to cope or handle with my ED when I’m in college. I’ll be studying for nursing but I don’t know what to expect or how my ED is going to act/change in response to such a big environment change?
My parents are pretty toxic so I’m really curious if I’ll be one of those kids who just goes *crazy* in college. For example, when kids who have really strict parents go off to college, they don’t know their limits when they drink for the first time so they always get black out drunk every time. I wonder if my ED will spiral out of control now that I can go crazy by having control of my life for once? My parents are extremely unhealthy and always say we “can’t afford to eat healthy” and they don’t like when I exercise (take a walk out with my dog) because they’re worried about me getting an ED (haha... nope... I already have one from them being overbearing in literally every aspect of my life.) So maybe I’ll finally be able to start working out without being judged. Or maybe I’ll start to recover and enjoy going out to restaurants with friends like everyone else does. Or maybe I won’t make any friends. I’ll be lonely, and I’ll just binge-eat without compensating by restricting or purging since my parents who always shame me won’t be around anymore.
Does anyone mind sharing how their first year of college went and how their lifestyles changed? What was your ED like when you were living with your parents vs what happened when you moved away? I know everyone is going to be different but I’m so scared about the future honestly and it’d help a lot to read other people’s experiences.
"I thought you were their friend!"
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Sat Jun 2 17:01:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o4c35/i_thought_you_were_their_friend/
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I met up with my parents for drinks last night, and later my aunt and uncle and my aunt's sister came. The sister hasn't seen me in a good 4 years, in which time I've lost almost 100 pounds and just generally matured in looks. She legitimately didn't recognize me, my aunt had to tell her who I was! She hugged me and (drunkenly lmao) told me how gorgeous and "skinny" I was, and she just kept saying it all night. Def an ego boost, but also embarrassing to think about how I probably looked then :/
[Help] Any “safe” foods to get at Applebee’s?
/u/Hollowclouds
Created: Sat Jun 2 16:57:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o4bak/any_safe_foods_to_get_at_applebees/
---
I already ate a really filling lunch (veggie broth with Napa cabbage, tons of hot sauce, and shirataki noodles yum! My fave) but now there’s a last minute change of plans.
My roommate and I are going out with a long time friend we haven’t seen in a while, so I can’t flake, but instead of what we had originally planned they really want to go to Applebee’s. The friend doesn’t have one where they’re from so I don’t really want to say no for no good reason.
Anyways, we’re planing to go during happy hour. Like 9 ish, so it won’t look too weird to not eat dinner. I’m planning on drinking unsweetened iced tea and ordering maybe an app to pick at so it doesn’t look odd I’m not eating.
Anyone have any good advice on what to get? Or what to say if they ask why I’m not eating?
My roomate knows I only had the soup for lunch and thinks I had a workout smoothie for breakfast (just electrolyte juice) so I can’t say I’m full from a big dinner or anything.
What sugar substitute do you recommend for cooking and baking?
/u/Atsugaruru
Created: Sat Jun 2 16:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o46fd/what_sugar_substitute_do_you_recommend_for/
---
Stevia? Truvia? Splenda? I've seen a few people say that some sugar substitutes get a horrible texture and flavor once you try to use it for baking. I want to try them out but I'm not sure what kind. What have your experiences with them been?
40 days. 40 lbs.
/u/_comethrowawaywithme
Created: Sat Jun 2 15:40:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o3tmt/40_days_40_lbs/
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Yes, I'm totally insane. No, I don't actually care.
I've been successful with lb-per-day losses in the past by restricting and exercising. I plateau, then I whoosh, and it cycles on and on like this until the big day comes and I ultimately hit my goal or even fall below it.
I lose even more when I fast completely so I'll definitely do that intermittently. What can I say... I have plenty of fat to live off of...
There is no way in hell I would ever encourage or condone this behavior for someone at a normal weight or lower. But it's worked for me before and I'll do anything to be at least somewhat comfortable being photographed in a strapless dress in 40 days (that is, if my upcoming trial goes as planned and I'm not in jail...)
I'm taking supplements and staying hydrated. Keeping my electrolytes up. Pulling out all the stops and being as diligent as possible. I cant-- no, I WON'T-- allow myself miss out on yet another family gathering or summer event because I'm too ashamed of my body to dress for the occasion and risk it being immortalized on film.
40 days. 40 lbs.
The past few weeks have been on course with my plan and I feel the old familiar restless high that comes with restricting food. I feel alive again. I can actually drag myself out of bed and put on running shoes. I can't actually turn down my boyfriend's insistent offers of junk food. I'm happy and hopeful for the future for the first time in a long time. What could possibly be wrong with that?
Always hungry but always full
/u/Grellous8
Created: Sat Jun 2 15:38:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o3t3y/always_hungry_but_always_full/
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Ugh fucking hate myself. No matter how much fucking food I stuff down my throat, how bloated, disgusting, fat I feel, I always still want food no matter what. I try to drink water, eat more protein and fibre, everything. Nothing works and I'm always hungry. Can anyone else relate?
I have become a complete moron
/u/gnatthebunny
Created: Sat Jun 2 15:37:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o3t0y/i_have_become_a_complete_moron/
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So, I've been restricting pretty low for the past month or so to try and fix some of the damage (fat, lol) from a pretty hardcore binge cycle and I'm just really struggling with brain fog. I find myself forgetting what I'm saying mid-sentence, having trouble completing really simple tasks, and even driving has been difficult. Any tips?
Water fast
/u/Dingletringle2
Created: Sat Jun 2 15:36:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o3sr2/water_fast/
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Does drinking "zero calroies" drinks during a water fast like Coke zero ruin the whole point of it?
[Help] Why Do I Still Get A Period?
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sat Jun 2 15:26:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o3qd4/why_do_i_still_get_a_period/
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Hey guys. I have a weird question. I get a period every month even though I am underweight (5'2, 93 lbs). I am 24, have been on the combo birth control pill Sprintec since I was 18. Am I not at a low enough BMI to lose my period? Or will I always get a period no matter my weight because I'm on the pill? I'm really confused and I am highly considering switching birth control methods because of this. Thanks for any help. ❤
[Other] “Pure” vs “Dirty” Foods
/u/squishyskeleton
Created: Sat Jun 2 15:23:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o3pp8/pure_vs_dirty_foods/
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I work in an American food store, and after a night of binging and consequently throwing up my innards into a toilet bowl. I’m hungry. I get into work and with a renewed energy towards restricting, I find one of our low(ish) cal snacks - Pop Corners sea salt flavour (110cal), it, along with some diet cola, has now come into my possession.
Now this rambly introduction leads into my bigger point. The packaging boasts about its “wholesome taste” because its only made with three ingredients and is GMO free. But that seems like a weird way to put it, just like the boxes of La Croix say how they’re 100% innocent. There seems to me to be this weird idea that these foods are pure and innocent and wholesome and if you eat it you’ll be like that too. But if you eat shitty Kraft Mac’n’Cheese in a cup that’s dirty and devilish.
It’s the same with “cheat” days and meals. It adds a weird moral to food and eating that I don’t really like. It makes me feel bad. I regret eating these weird popcorn chips.
[Discussion] Clothing predicament
/u/goddamnroommate
Created: Sat Jun 2 15:19:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o3onw/clothing_predicament/
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Does anyone else experience this? If I wear loose and baggy clothes, it’s not flattering and I look like a bulging sack of shit, so over the day I get more and more triggered and hate myself.
If I wear tight clothes, it’s not flattering and I look like a too tight bulging sack of shit and I’m aware of every single bump and ugh.
Basically, I can’t win. Putting on clothes makes me want to die. This is hell.
Finally waking up from denial and it sucks
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Sat Jun 2 15:15:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o3nrb/finally_waking_up_from_denial_and_it_sucks/
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Like, I logically know I'm teetering bw overweight and obese but I seriously just realized how fat I really am. This isnt a BDD thing, I think I was just in denial. Like how did I even live my life at almost 200lbs? How did I let it get this bad? I've been chillin at home in my undies bc its been hot and I just cant believe how HUGE my gut is. TMI: Logically I knew that I couldnt see my vagina when I looked down and when I shave I have to move my gut outta the way. How did I not attempt to fix this sooner? I'm feeling overwhelmed. There have been some times in the last year I felt I looked okay and that was just major denial about how fat I am. Facing the truth sucks.
I'm literally so fucking fat. I just had a HUGE wake up call about it.
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Sat Jun 2 15:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o3nlz/im_literally_so_fucking_fat_i_just_had_a_huge/
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I'm 5'5 and probably around 240 lbs. I knew that after my severe binge eating time period that I had gotten big, but I finally saw how big I actually am and I'm having a freak out. I'm on day 4 of a fast (absolute last resort to reset my eating habits and mindset) and this realization I had is making me want to panic, binge, and give up. How do I stand myself in this fat body? How do I deal that people probably see me as an embarrassment and disgusting? I've seen people do 28 day fasts and lose 30-40 lbs. I feel like that's what I need.
Binged, wasted food and money. FML.
/u/CeladonDust
Created: Sat Jun 2 14:18:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o3aix/binged_wasted_food_and_money_fml/
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Uughh sorry this is just going to be a rant. Double sorry for it being so long. Bare with me please
I just ordered £25 worth of fucking binge food. A chocolate ice cream sundae, waffles with chocolate sauce and cream and a mint chocolate milkshake with brownie pieces. I COULD NOT stop myself. I sat there staring at my computer mouse hovering on the confirm order button for about 20 mins. And I was just like 'fuck it I don't even care. I want it.'
So I got it and straight away I felt so anxious. I was from Deliveroo and I haven't ordered from there before. Somehow it made me way more ashamed and socially anxious to have someone cycle and bring it rather than normal takeaways? I was just sitting there heart going crazy saying 'I want to die. I wanting to fucking die' over and over trying not to have a panic attack.
Then I realised I fucked up my address so I had to live chat with customer services :( THEN the delivery guy got lost so he called me and I had to TALK to him :'( And he I ordered so much he thought it was for a group...
So I got it ate a third the sundae, a third of the waffle a couple sips of the milkshake and I felt so sick I couldn't keep going. I don't even really like sweet things so I don't even know why I ordered this rather than something else??
I felt so disgusted with myself and so sick. I couldn't handle even smells it or having it near me. I sprayed it with kitchen cleaner and threw it in the outside bin. I NEVER waste food. EVER. I force myself to eat binge food I bought because the guilt of wasting food and money it too much. But I did.
Then I wanted to try and purge again (only tried once, couldn't, posted here and got great support and advice to not go down that road.) But thiinking of that advice I got from you guys I managed not to.
So now I'm just sipping diet coke to great the sickly sweetness and sick feeling away. Feeling so guilty and ashamed and anxious. My chest is really tight and I have that cold stomach dropping feeling. Writing this just to get the feelings out and distract myself.
Plus I feel like a total fake and that I don't even have an ED.
I dunno, hope you guys are having a better day than me :)
[Rant/Rave] When a safe food becomes a binge food
/u/jnlh93
Created: Sat Jun 2 13:56:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o3530/when_a_safe_food_becomes_a_binge_food/
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https://i.redd.it/26u6xdww7n111.jpg
[Discussion] DAE get positive results from doing something different, so you obsessively have to do it every day from that day on?
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Sat Jun 2 13:06:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o2sw2/dae_get_positive_results_from_doing_something/
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(Sorry for my daily posts. I’m just finding a lot of comfort in this sub right now.)
I find weird plateau busters and things I do that yield stupid amounts of weight loss the next day. I do A LOT of them on a daily basis, but for the sake of the post, I’ll share about the sauna.
Started going to the sauna at night during college, and noticed I’d wake up to huge losses the next day. Like the whoosh affect but every night. Well once I made the connection, I never stopped. I’ve been going to the sauna every single night for the last 5 years. If I can’t go? I freak the eff out. And now? I started going once early in the morning and then once at night.
Same goes with step counts. Hours of sleep. Amount of water I drink. Calories I eat. Food timing. Supplements. The list is endless.
My OCD just takes over. The frequency grows over time (in terms of visits to sauna, hours of sleep, water consumed, steps taken) and sometimes decreases over time (like my calories, and ending my eating window earlier and earlier). It’s like...I can only lower the amount of calories I eat a day for so long, until it’s zero. Then days. Then weeks.
I just look at my situation and wish I could exit this crazy circle I’m running in.
*Ya know???*
The Downside of Compliments.
/u/tomorrowcomestoday18
Created: Sat Jun 2 12:50:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o2p0n/the_downside_of_compliments/
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I always stop losing after getting compliments. I'm 5'1" and 108 pounds. I suppose that's considered skinny to some people or at least, the people around me. My family knows that I'm still trying to lose weight and they always say something among the lines of "How much more are you going to lose? You're already skinny, that's enough". Honestly speaking it does feel good to hear but I know I'll use what they said as an excuse to eat more.
Thankfully I only ever eat at maintenance but I'm scared I'll mess up one day and gain weight. At least at a deficit, even if I do over eat, it'll balance out. And the worst thing about this is that I know damn well I'll regret it. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe even months after. I'll regret eating like this and lengthening the days 'till I reach my GW.
I'm aiming to lose 9 more pounds (finally, 99 pounds!!!) which I know wouldn't take long for some/most of you guys but I make pretty slow progress. I've lost 22 pounds overall and that took me about 9 months to do. The thing is it's only getting slower since my bmr is getting lower. I'm aiming to lose the extra 9 pounds by the very VERY realistic goal of the end of September but knowing me, I'll most likely even mess that up.
A lot of people tend to get more motivated after getting compliments and I know that there are many out there who are like me that rewards themselves after receiving a compliment too but I wish I wasn't like that and instead have self control and be consistent of my weight loss (ーー゛)
Walked for 11 km today
/u/sabadr
Created: Sat Jun 2 12:43:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o2ncc/walked_for_11_km_today/
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I burned about 450 calories but i ate a traditional dish with rice and i didnt know the exact calories for that. I think i might have overeat and im freaking out. Like i actually feel like my arms and face are getting fatter. I hate this
Calorie Advice??
/u/Sparks1526
Created: Sat Jun 2 12:35:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o2lfa/calorie_advice/
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Hey all! I'm totally new here, but I've been struggling with bulimia for a while. Only problem is it doesn't seem like I'm losing anything, rather just gaining slowly and damaging my throat...It's been on and off for a long time, and I've had it up to here with my weight. I'm 19, 5'3" and 192 lbs, and I HATE IT. I don't know what would be a suitable caloric limit for the day for someone like me, so I figured I'd hop in here and see if anyone has any advice or would be willing to talk to someone like me. I just want to stop eating all these calories and throwing up, I'm done with vomit. I'd kill to have a buddy to help me through this..
Thanks for even taking the time to read this! You all seem so kind! :)
[Rant/Rave] [Rave] My Wonderful Boyfriend's Surprises For Me!!
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo
Created: Sat Jun 2 12:35:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o2lax/rave_my_wonderful_boyfriends_surprises_for_me/
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https://i.imgur.com/qSF9Jbl.jpg
I'm sick so my dad offered to get me some Sudafed
/u/relapseandrecovery
Created: Sat Jun 2 12:24:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o2iow/im_sick_so_my_dad_offered_to_get_me_some_sudafed/
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I'm old enough to get it myself but hey now I get it for free god bless. This and all of the free fruit and Halo Top I can get from him is the only benefit of visiting home
[Help] Amenorrhea from restriction?
/u/CepheidVox
Created: Sat Jun 2 12:13:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o2fun/amenorrhea_from_restriction/
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So... my period is 5 days late, which is very unusual for me. I've bought a pregnancy test just in case but I haven't taken it yet. Lately I've been restricting really low and exercising more frequently and saw a nice drop on the scale... but then this happened. If I did lose it from restricting, how do I get it back and still lose weight? Is it very dangerous to lose your period from malnutrition? Is this something I should be very worried about?
[Help] I sometimes randomly feel really light headed and can't see anything for a couple of seconds. How can I stop this?
/u/coolwelldone
Created: Sat Jun 2 11:51:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o2a5y/i_sometimes_randomly_feel_really_light_headed_and/
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So I've been restricting to 500-600kcal per day and occasionally fasting this past fortnight and I haven't found it that difficult but there are times where I'm just walking and I suddenly see black dots that take up my entire vision and feel really light headed for a couple of seconds. It last for around twenty seconds when I get up from my bed during the morning. It's not bothering me that much but it's not a pleasent feeling. Does anyone have any idea how to stop this? Should I increase my calorie intake? Has anyone else experienced anything similar?
I feel like I'm the only one here who doesn't and has never purged.
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Sat Jun 2 11:46:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o28w7/i_feel_like_im_the_only_one_here_who_doesnt_and/
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I physically CANNOT, like I try to do the thing with the fingers and throat and it never works. And I really don't want stained teeth or bad breath. I kinda feel like I'm faking having an ED, since it's such an.. integral? Part of the "experience".
[Other] When you have a dream all these people you know (friends, family, and students) follow you on here like they do on insta. THEN this first ad. on your Instagram this morning is to take a quiz to see if you have an ED from NEDA 😂🤦🏻♀️🙃
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Sat Jun 2 11:38:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o26uy/when_you_have_a_dream_all_these_people_you_know/
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Happy no paranoia mindset EVER Saturday to me! 😂😂😂
[Rant/Rave] I get so irrationally angry when people ask me the "secret" to weight loss.
/u/whats-the-point-ugh
Created: Sat Jun 2 11:28:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o24ay/i_get_so_irrationally_angry_when_people_ask_me/
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Forewarning: I'm not looking to have a debate please, I'm going to do my best to keep it neutral because I can't fucking handle this discussion beyond me venting
Like damn. Even when I was losing weight the healthy way. All I did was make sure I ate a reasonable amount of calories and had daily fitness goals (as in take at least 10,000 steps a day) and yet people STILL harass me asking:
"how the hell do you lose weight
you have to tell me ur secret!!
what pills do you take
have you tried -insert shitty mlm product-
And if I tell them "eat a balanced diet with reasonable portions, calories and be active daily" I get met with:
"No rly what do u do that didn't work 4 me teehee"
"You must have been on some sort of diet like keto/low fat!! Tell me what u eat!!"
Like fuck Karen I'm not your dietician/personal trainer, stop asking me for fucking weight loss advice
Like god they tell you from elementary school to eat healthy foods and exercise. At least I hope it does. I'm sick and tired of the questions to the point where I just say "I must have a good metabolism lol bye" and walk away. I hate talking about weight loss with people in my social circle so much. It's even a sensitive subject
And now that I lose weight by eating >1000 a day and doing 5k runs daily I really don't want to get any questions, be asked about my weight or noticed.
A new direction, and hopefully the start of recovery
/u/tone_v2
Created: Sat Jun 2 11:00:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o1x9e/a_new_direction_and_hopefully_the_start_of/
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(Sorry this is longer than I expected it to be) I've been thinking a lot about my ED and why I am still so unhappy with my body even after reaching an underweight/goal BMI. I have never thought of myself as skinny and when I look in the mirror I am so confused on how I am still holding on to so much of fat. Now, I'm realizing that my fasting/binging/purging/restricting patterns aren't getting helping me lose any more fat, but I have noticed that I'm much weaker and my muscles have atrophied. Basically I'm "skinny-fat" and still look gross because I'm carrying fat around my chest and stomach, which will only change if I build up my abdominals and chest.
Yesterday was June 1st and I decided I'm going to get on the road to recovery through exercise (not exclusively running or cardio :/) and building muscle. For the first time, I tracked what I ate with the intention of eating at a calorie surplus, which seems completely insane and foreign, but I'm doing my best to switch my perspective.
What I did notice with my first day of eating regularly (WFPB) was that despite it being my goal, I didn't even eat at a calorie surplus. I just simply wasn't hungry enough, and I'm not mentally at the point where I can force myself to eat when I don't want food. Although, if I were breaking a fast (probably with a binge) I definitely would have ate waaaay past my maintenance calories.
I know this was only day one, but it's making me realizing just how vicious of a cycle ED behavior is, and how it can be so counterproductive. When I'm trying to lose weight, I end up so angry and frustrated with myself when I fail to meet my fasting goal or if I eat pretty much anything at all, and I end up plateauing from the back and forth binging/fasting. Now that I'm trying to gain weight by building muscle, I feel good about what I'm eating and didn't even manage to eat enough calories.
TLDR: Trying to get rid of the "skinny-fat" body I've created through my ED by eating more and building muscle and I ended up eating less than my maintenance calories anyway. ED behavior is fucked up.
[Rant/Rave] I was kidding myself all along.
/u/regularpoppy
Created: Sat Jun 2 10:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o1usz/i_was_kidding_myself_all_along/
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I’ve been telling myself for the past month and a half that if I could just hit 98lbs I’d be happy. And here I am, 3.5lbs off that target and already planning the next goal weight.
Since the 17th April I’ve lost 12.5lbs, when I hit my GW it’ll be 16lbs. That should be enough shouldn’t it? Well it isn’t.
I’m pissed because I can’t see a difference still. My tummy isn’t flat and my ribs don’t show and I can only feel my hip bones when I lie down. My collarbones are non existent, for fuck sake I want to see my collarbones. I want the fat gone from my shoulders. I want to look good.
I just want to look good.
[Other] Jealous of a pill popper
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Sat Jun 2 10:33:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o1qn4/jealous_of_a_pill_popper/
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Idek what to title this post but I’ll just get into it. So last night I went to a big party with a bonfire and everyone was drinking or smoking but I’m usually the sober one so I just decided to keep it that way, only took a few hits on someone’s vape no big deal. Anywho, my friends and I got up to go talk to another good friend who we didn’t expect to see there.
She showed up drunk off her ass and then proceeded to list everything she was on. She told us how shes been popping pills lately and popped some adderall and oxy a few days ago. She was complaining about not being able to keep ANY food down, telling us about how she would vomit anytime she tried to eat. She said she’s lost a lot of weight and I may be crazy, but you could sorta tell she looked thinner.
As a friend I was worried for her because she’s such a sweet person. And then I started feeling jealous about how she was losing weight so fast. I couldn’t stop thinking about it the whole time I was there. I feel like a complete idiot. I know that’s really dangerous and unhealthy and I know better. But I can’t help but be jealous and curious. Ugh
🌸🌸
Oh if anyone’s interested I currently weigh 121.4 and I fluctuate from 120-125. My gw is 115. I’ve made many posts here and I’m sure some may find them annoying but I genuinely love this community and how open/accepting you all are. I wish I could repay all the kindness I’ve been shown. Thank you 🙏
[Rant/Rave] I sorta started recovery but not really
/u/quinoaslut
Created: Sat Jun 2 10:31:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o1q55/i_sorta_started_recovery_but_not_really/
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Like I just went in to get an ED eval as per my psychiatrists request (since I refuse to let them label me anorexic now that I’ve gained weight and am a healthy BMI) and now this lady has me a on full recovery protocol that’s supposed to have an 80% success rate.
But she should not be allowed to screen me for anorexia when I literally know more about it than her. I was like, diagnostically theres a weight requirement and she got all confused and took out her little book and was like you fit all the other criteria tho??? NO SHIT LADY WHY DO YOU THINK I CAME IN TO SEE A PROFESSIONAL???? wild.
But I don’t really like her and I don’t really wanna recover yet and she’s like super judgey. It feels like she’s never dealt w an ED before. I’m like yeah it’d be nice to be under 110 again. Barely under weight and she was like oh my GOD that’s so small you know you can’t do that.
Favorite Starbucks or coffee shop drink?
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Sat Jun 2 10:01:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o1j0e/favorite_starbucks_or_coffee_shop_drink/
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I usually like a London Fog with almond milk, no foam, and sugar free vanilla or a Chai tea latte with almond milk. Both of these have a decent amount of calories so do y’all have any better suggestions? I’m more of a tea person but I’ll drink coffee too!
"Spread the light; be the lighthouse"
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf
Created: Sat Jun 2 09:50:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o1gaf/spread_the_light_be_the_lighthouse/
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"Spread the light; be the lighthouse" was the quote on the tag for my Yogi brand herbal tea I had at work first thing this morning. My educational background is BS in Health and MS in Nutrition and I currently wirk as a healthy lifestyle and weight loss coach. I used to be such a happy, positive person, but I became depressed and my anxiety grew worse in the fall of 2015. I'm doing much better now, but there are still so many dark days. My ED (atypical AN) has been around since Jr. High, and I believed I'd never be in a place to help other people with EDs. My psychologist echoed this sentiment. But today, one of my clients opened up to me about her struggles with AN/bulimia and I was able to really help her through the tough spot she's in! She told me that I understood her better than any coach/lifestyle expert she's ever spoken with!
I feel so happy and fulfilled right now. I got to be the lighthouse and I accomplished something I never thought I'd get to do.
Also, I hit 108.2lbs this morning!! I'm not eating "enough" according to my own background knowledge in health, but the things I am eating are all healthy. You guys, I feel better than I have all year!!
my sister is beginning to piss me off
/u/bluemonksdream
Created: Sat Jun 2 09:43:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o1ehi/my_sister_is_beginning_to_piss_me_off/
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I always buy enough ed food for me whenever I go shopping and no one wants it but as soon as its in the house my sister wants it all of a sudden and finishes it. also whenever I'm cooking food she says she doesn't want any because it's 'bland' and she'd rather have something else. after its done and I go to eat she complains that I didn't make her any or cusses me out for eating everything. sometimes she'll laugh at me or make fun if I'm eating healthy food and I'm so sick of it. like I have enough of her taking the piss out of me in general and I don't need this on top. she's 9 years older than me so its not like she doesn't know any better or doesn't know what she's doing is wrong.
[Discussion] hey.
/u/killerxcatharsis
Created: Sat Jun 2 09:40:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o1dpf/hey/
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hi, I’m new to reddit and I’ve been watching this sub from a friends phone for awhile so I decided to make an account. :)
My question is simple; my scale gives me 2 different readings, 5 pounds apart. After I calibrate it, the lower number shows. Should I trust it? Thanks in advance.
Barely into the 55s and my roommate's girlfriend is celebrating her birthday at a vegan comfort food joint who's slogan is "fat and drunk"
/u/Melusedek
Created: Sat Jun 2 09:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o16cq/barely_into_the_55s_and_my_roommates_girlfriend/
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Literally nothing is low calorie. There's not even salad! At a vegan restaurant!
Rip me
I lost a bit of weight since a few months back (around 20 lbs), but i feel like i look more and more fat everyday
/u/jensreddit12
Created: Sat Jun 2 08:51:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0zbu/i_lost_a_bit_of_weight_since_a_few_months_back/
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I dont know who to turn for this, and i dont want to bring it up with anyone i know, so here it goes, reddit. Everytime I look into the mirror, all I see is how fat i am. The scale says otherwise (since I keep losing a pound or two a week), but I just feel so obese, even when im not. I have NOT dealt with disordered eating in the past, but lately, I've felt some sort of body dysmorphia and I've had issues with restricted eating in the last couple months and I can't help it. My mind already has a lot of issues ~ I have depression (possibly bipolar 2), and mildish ocd (compulsion issues mostly), and I feel like maybe the ocd is kind of getting in the way of my eating?? It's just making me upset and I can't enjoy eating socially anymore either. Note, I do have a bmi around 30, so i actually am overweight, so I dont have anorexia. Please help. Any advice would be great.
It bothers me so much when tumblr girls refer to a planned, pre-calorie counted snack as a "binge".
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Sat Jun 2 08:49:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0yz3/it_bothers_me_so_much_when_tumblr_girls_refer_to/
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When they say for example that a cup of cherry tomatoes is just 30 calories, making them "perfect for a binge".. dude. You've counted the calories, planned it ahead of time, and fit it into your calorie limit a day. That's not a binge at all. A binge is spontaneous, unplanned, and certainly not a *cup of cherry tomatoes*.
why am i like this
/u/bmalaur
Created: Sat Jun 2 08:36:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0wo2/why_am_i_like_this/
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i made my everyday breakfast of oatmeal with dried cranberries... remembered reading something about how adding greek yogurt could make it extra creamy... added this & it tastes disgusting.
so now i'm eating the whole thing but considering purging it because it seems like a waste of cals.
I spent an hour "researching" sugar free shaved ice syrup because the sugar cravings are insane and I would sell my soul for a snow cone (which I have never craved before?)
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Sat Jun 2 08:03:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0qol/i_spent_an_hour_researching_sugar_free_shaved_ice/
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I recently started a very low carb diet and I hadn't thought of sugar. Until yesterday. I just can't stop thinking of snow cones. I want a watermelon and strawberry snowcone. Old memories of when I was little eating snowcones came up too.
I was really researching snowcone machines and sugar free syrups for way too long and I found a set of sugar free watermelon, blue raspberry, and cherry syrups!! I don't know if they will kick me out of ketosis though with the artificial sugar. I just want it so much:( I keep seeing snowcones in my imagination and I remember exactly what the watermelon tasted like. Visions of snowcones dancing in my head
This is so pathetic..
My period is messed up
/u/100isthegoal
Created: Sat Jun 2 08:01:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0q46/my_period_is_messed_up/
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I am 16 years old. I had very light bleeding a week ago, and yesterday, it returned! Is this due to my active lifestyle or restriction? I run 5 to 7 days a week and eat about 1000 cals a day. Has this happened to anyone else?
Weighed 169 and then 30 minutes later I weighed 165.
/u/bleedingsnowblind
Created: Sat Jun 2 07:49:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0nmy/weighed_169_and_then_30_minutes_later_i_weighed/
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I literally washed my face, brushed my teeth and laid back down to watch The Majority report for 15 minutes. The scale is BS.
[Help] What the frickety frack - I have the feeling of hunger but all food is unappetizing? Help?
/u/peyton2724
Created: Sat Jun 2 07:48:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0ngp/what_the_frickety_frack_i_have_the_feeling_of/
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Hiya everyone, so a little background info before we dive in. I started my ED by being anorexic for two years, then long story short it morphed into bulimia for another two years, and now we’re wherever this is.
So here’s the thing. I’m still struggling with my ED, no doubt, but I’ve been in recovery and have had it under control for a while. I could tell I was kinda slipping back into it a month or two ago, but ignored it. Now I don’t know what the fuck I have - but I know it isn’t good.
I can feel that I’m hungry. My stomach hurts and grumbles and when I start eating I mentally realize that I’m hungry, but problem is, no food seems even remotely appetizing to me anymore. It’s not nausea - just general disinterest.
I’m eating less and less and less because of this, and it’s starting to scare me because I just don’t want food any more. I still feel the hunger cues but I just gloss over them because I’ve somehow detached hunger from wanting the food put in front of me. I thought this was what I wanted, to not care about eating and forget about it, but this is terrifying.
I don’t know what to do. Can anyone tell me what this is / how to make it better?
[Other] Feeling bad about my thinspo source
/u/Use2haveApersonality
Created: Sat Jun 2 07:44:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0mn7/feeling_bad_about_my_thinspo_source/
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I’ve known this guy for nearly 4 years, we met in university and became friends through friends. A lot happened and now only him and I are the last remaining friends of our friend group (everyone else moved away/out of country). So it’s just us when we hang out (a plus because I like him a lot and will always have feelings for him) and whenever I have the chance, I take photos of him simply because he’s so skinny that it’s kind of a wake up call to me and I use it to motivate me to lose weight. I feel bad because he just thinks I like taking pictures,,,, when really I just like seeing how skinny he is
New scale old scale was OFF BY 30 LBS in the WRONG direction.
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo
Created: Sat Jun 2 07:29:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0jji/new_scale_old_scale_was_off_by_30_lbs_in_the/
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For any gamers here- I feel like I just lost a full quarter of progress to a corrupted game in a game I've almost rage quit a hundred times, and I'm restarting at one of the worst bosses I defeated. TT^TT
Thought I was doing well, thought I was a third of the way to my goal, and now I'm back where I *thought* I started. Which not only means doing it all again, but that I've been even fatter this whole time than I thought.
I want to rage quit harder now than I ever have before.
For all my fellow BED sufferers...how did y’all handle National Donut Day yesterday?
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Sat Jun 2 07:27:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0j3u/for_all_my_fellow_bed_sufferershow_did_yall/
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😅
[Other] Thanks for the thinspo, Duolingo <3
/u/Stay__Hungry
Created: Sat Jun 2 07:13:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0gi9/thanks_for_the_thinspo_duolingo_3/
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https://i.redd.it/kabicoy38l111.jpg
Update After moving to China
/u/Whose_cat_is_that
Created: Sat Jun 2 06:45:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0b5v/update_after_moving_to_china/
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Hey everyone! I posted a few weeks ago about my anxiety about food when moving to China and I just thought I’d let you know how I’m doing.
I’ve lost another kilogram in the week and a half that I’ve been here, which is much smaller amount than I’d like, but better than gaining I suppose. I hardly speak any Chinese, which is probably why I’ve been able to avoid bingeing, since it’s so hard to order anything. There have been a few times where I’ve had to go out to eat with coworkers but I’ve been able to use the “oh I’m just not that hungry “ excuse so far. But now it’s been nearly two weeks and people are starting to comment on how I don’t eat enough. I’ve avoided seeing anyone on my days off just so I don’t have to eat with them.
I want to get to a point where I can feel comfortable eating a whole meal when I’m out with my friends, I know it’s not normal to do this. But I stand out so much here. Back home, being a little bigger is basically the norm, but here even yesterday some random dude on the street shouted about how fat I was.
How do I find a balance? My whole life has been either bingeing or eating next to nothing. I don’t want to be the one person in my group who just stays home alone all the time, but I can just feel myself getting bigger whenever I’m out with them.
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! June 02, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 2 06:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o052x/stupid_questions_saturday_june_02_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for June 02, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! June 02, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Jun 2 06:10:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o0516/daily_food_diary_june_02_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for June 02, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
I fit into my 13- year old jeans again
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Sat Jun 2 06:08:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o04nu/i_fit_into_my_13_year_old_jeans_again/
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I graduated last year and bought this pair of jeans in 8th grade, when I was roughly 13. I'm turning 19 soon. I haven't been able to fit into this pair of jeans for a long time, they have holes in them on the insides of the legs and the knees because I still tried to wear them and was too fat for it. I'm so happy right now!!
Being broke plays directly into my ED
/u/LateAsparagus
Created: Sat Jun 2 06:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8o036z/being_broke_plays_directly_into_my_ed/
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It's this twisted game of "let's see how long I can make these groceries last" and "a day without food saves me about 5 euros" and oatmeal/rice/potato/banana monos. Then when I get extra money or visit my parents I eat everything in sight in like 5 minutes which leads to purging and self-loathing, which motivates me to restrict again. There's no way I'll be able to recover unless my financial situation becomes more stable.
[Help] Did something happen to r/proEDadults?
/u/GingerWithSunscreen
Created: Sat Jun 2 04:40:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nzr9c/did_something_happen_to_rproedadults/
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Everytime I go to that sub it says theres nothing there. Did it get deleted?
I'm sick of hearing about how much weight I've lost. Its embarrassing.
/u/Sidehothrowaway
Created: Sat Jun 2 04:12:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nzngv/im_sick_of_hearing_about_how_much_weight_ive_lost/
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Especially at work. Customers that haven't been in in a while (we get a lot of seasonal folks) say it. Or older customers. Family or friends that haven't seen me in a while too. I was so huge it was embarrassing. I don't want to be reminded of it. I'm still big, but normal. I tried so hard to get away from being a slob and the negative attention from that. I just want to be a normal person and go about my business. The last thing I fucking want is some old lady coming up to be like "well you just keep losing weight! You look great!" No. This doesn't make me feel good. Comments on my body aren't welcome. What about a "you look nice today"? Not to mention that I have co-workers that I don't want to keep hearing about it. I'm trying not to just be this person who was morbidly obese and now isn't. Yes I'm proud of myself for losing the weight, but look at where I am now. I have a fucking eating disorder.
Next time someone asks how I lost it all I'm afraid I'm going to go full bitch mode on them and be like "well it started out sort of ok with proper diet exercise until something went wrong and now I'm afraid of food and starve myself and only eat to avoid passing out while I take care of my family and go to work, but thanks!".
[Discussion] HELP! In search of a calorie counter I saw on this sub!
/u/BroItsJesus
Created: Sat Jun 2 03:17:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nzfne/help_in_search_of_a_calorie_counter_i_saw_on_this/
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It was within the last week and I can't find it. You entered in your weight, height, goal weight, current weight and amount of calories consumed each day and it told you how long it would take to get to your goal weight
I wish I'd bookmarked it!!!
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like their ED is interfering with their lives?
/u/srh01
Created: Sat Jun 2 02:59:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nzd6g/dae_feel_like_their_ed_is_interfering_with_their/
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Before I started restricting and b/ping, I was successful. I had good grades and participated in a lot of extracurriculars. I studied hard, and it paid off. Then last semester, I developed what I guess is an ED--heavily restricting, exercising compulsively, etc. I couldn't stop thinking about food when restricting, and if I wasn't restricting, I was spending every spare minute at the university gym. My grades dropped, and so did my standardized test scores. Two months ago, I started purging, and since then, everything's gone even further downhill. I'm starting college applications in the fall (currently a rising senior in high school/rising junior in college in a dual-enrollment program) and my GPA has dropped so much (now a cumulative 3.7 unweighted) that I'm really worried. I can't focus on academics anymore. I'm taking the SAT subject tests in 3 hours and I haven't been able to concentrate enough to study. The worst part is that I know I could be doing so much better--I have a perfect ACT score, and I've always been super motivated, perfectionistic, and high-achieving. How do you guys cope with EDs and academic/professional responsibilities?
Sorry for the rant, I just feel so horrible.
Do I have a problem?
/u/glossipgirl
Created: Sat Jun 2 02:15:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nz7hy/do_i_have_a_problem/
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Hey everyone, wasn't really sure where to ask so figured I'd try here, hope this isn't annoying or anything!
So I'm going to Europe in a few weeks with a school tour, and because I want to be able to eat freely and I'll be surrounded w/ super unhealthy food and don't feel great about my weight, I've started restricting to 700cal a day. My TDEE is around 1,400 and I'm 15, 5"1 and 101lbs for reference, so I'm not overweight or anything but I have a really gross body shape so wanted to feel more confident.
I figured this was no big deal \- yeah, I get pretty hungry but it'll be worth it \- but recently my friend who's also restricting mentions that she thinks out of everyone she knows, I think the most about food and am the strictest about it. I've also noticed myself getting dizzy, really cold etc. due to not eating much and have been having emotional breakdowns over minor food\-related things \(e.g. going 200cal over my limit due to a binge\). Should I be worried about this?
Gonna be fully honest, don't think I have an ED but just figured I should probably get unbiased opinions.
[Rant/Rave] Customers
/u/carrotlime
Created: Sat Jun 2 01:59:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nz58d/customers/
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I work in a thrift store, and I'm a few months shy of 18. It's a tough job. I enjoy being able to get out of my comfort zone, though, because if I'm not working then I'm at home being alone, lonely, and self-harmful. However, recently people have really, really gotten on my nerves. I fluctuate between a BMI of 24-27 because of my eating cycles (I tend to fast and restrict heavily while happy and binge**/**b/p while depressed), I don't appear heavy to people (as I've been told??) but of course I'm still overweight in any sense of the word.
But how the hell am I supposed to feel good enough to restrict if people just act like assholes to me sometimes? Don't get me wrong, most people are sweet and genuine, but...
"You should lay off the ice cream, you look a bit chubby in the face!" -a 40 year old 400 lb goateed man using a walker
"I've actually got a super awesome secret for you to shed those pounds I know you probably hate so much, and right before bikini season!" *winks and hands me her business card* - middle aged lady
*Approaches me at the counter* "What do you weigh? You probably only have to lose like 15 pounds and you'd look good" - some dude who introduced himself as a bodybuilder
"You're so pretty, yknow, I know people in the modeling industry. I mean, I've even got connections, you'd make a great plus sized model" -creepy 50 year old guy who talked to me for like an hour
please don't comment on my weight please please please please please.
Do any of you guys have similar experiences with customers or clients? \^\^; hugss
[Discussion] DAE Juul constantly?
/u/MyNames_Not_Rick
Created: Sat Jun 2 01:48:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nz3v7/dae_juul_constantly/
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lol i bought a juul to curb my appetite and its amazing. I constantly take little pulls when i’m trying to power through a long study sesh or have been fasting for a few days. (I am in no way advocating for nicotine use btw, just wondering if anyone else does this)
Feeling pretty alright after coming back from vacation? My friend I was visiting (who also has an ED) may not be as bad as I thought she was? Kinda long story, don't know how to feel.
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Sat Jun 2 01:25:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nz0s0/feeling_pretty_alright_after_coming_back_from/
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First!
Okay so I made a pretty panicked post in here about a week and a half ago about gaining six fucking pounds in a few days into my vacation. Some very lovely people assured me that it could be a myriad of things, and it was rather impossible for me to have gained that much weight while eating under TDEE for a couple of days.
I finished out the trip, and I managed to stay under 600-700 calories until the last two days where I ate right at (or slightly above) TDEE and purged once. I didn't really experience hunger the entire time I was away, but there was some sick sense of pride when everyone ate breakfast and lunch while I held off until 8-9 for dinner every night. I came back home after 11 days, got on the scale, and I had only gained 3 pounds! Most of which was water weight that came right off within a few days! Yay!!!
Second part of this bizarre story (I just need to talk about it somewhere)
So my friend that I was visiting has an ED. She was the person whose house we were staying at. She has been struggling with her ED for about a year and was already small to begin with. She has lost a decent amount of weight and has a private twitter where she talks about heavily restricting and self-loathing. We both know that the other has an ED. I'm going to bullet point the next few things as there's no way to linearly tell this story:
- We were all talking about our hair and she said "my hair used to be really thick, but now it's kinda thin and I have no clue why" and then said it was probably because she recently dyed her hair. I said "ur losing hair because you don't eat u silly goose" and she just kind of laughed off. She had no idea that losing hair was a side effect of this. Crazy.
- My ED friend was eating numerous times a day. She always says she only eats hummus and guacamole and this *probably* has something to do with all of us staying with her for the week, but she didn't restrict at *all*. Even when I was blatantly restricting. She's openly restricted when we've all visited before as well. I was just surprised.
- Me and another friend were staying in her roommate's room (her roommate was out of town) and her roommate had a scale. I made the mistake of weighing myself on it, and after realizing it was 6 pounds off the mark decided to never do it again. My ED friend (staying just across the hall) also has a scale in her room (obvs) so the next day I decided to sneak up there and use her scale. First, the scale was covered in dust. I thought to myself "how the fuck" and hopped on anyway.
The scale was out of batteries. Just completely didn't read. I got on the scale about 50 times over the course of the trip, sneaking up there every day just to see if it would work. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. The scale was wholeass unused and covered in dust, which means it hasn't been used in awhile. I'm just??? What does this mean??? She tweeted a few days after we left that she has "gained so much weight in the past week" and "is going back to restricting" but that scale hadn't been used in WELL over a week.
Maybe she's trying to recover? Maybe she's trying to not use the scale anymore? Maybe it ran out of battery and she just hasn't replaced it to test herself? I have no clue. Honestly her behavior seemed like she was recovering, which would be *amazing* and I would be so happy for her, but she is acting like she's still restricting/fasting? It's just, bizarre.
I kind of want to be like "why tf did ur scale not work, a bitch was going mental for a week i thought i could count on u" but that's so fucked and I would never do that lmao.
Anyway! If you read this far feel free to leave your thoughts below!
[Help] Alternative to laxatives?
/u/WhimsyMoth
Created: Sat Jun 2 01:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nyz21/alternative_to_laxatives/
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Just to clarify, I don’t want to use it to purge. I just barely eat and so I barely ever get to do my business. It’s driving me crazy because that adds to my weight and I have no idea how much I really lost. It’s so bad I literally haven’t taken a number 2 in over a week.
I really really really don’t want to get laxatives because they sound nasty and too extreme. I try to drink a lot of black coffee but that doesn’t help... Is there any mild alternative to laxatives?
Sorry if the question is too gross or personal but I am getting really desperate over here.
What can I buy at the grocery store that's safe but doesn't look like a combination of ED or diet foods?
/u/self-destrukt
Created: Sat Jun 2 00:47:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nyvck/what_can_i_buy_at_the_grocery_store_thats_safe/
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I'm on a trip and I'll be spending a considerable amount of time \(like \- pretty much all of it\) over the next three weeks in a small space with a colleague and various other people where any disordered behaviour will look suspicious. I already know that I will have no choice over dinner food and I'm already incredibly anxious about that. Breakfast and lunch will be up to me, but my colleague will know what and when I'm eating.
Ordinarily, it would be less of an issue, but I'm already on thin ice for non\-ED mental health reasons. \(I had a huge breakdown and so my colleague and another older colleague are watching me closely to gauge my depression. Not eating is apparently worrying to them.\)
They've seen me binging on previous work trips, so they think I eat a lot and know me well enough that I can't make up any food allergies/preferences. Does anyone have any suggestions for food that won't make me too anxious about calories that won't look particularly disordered or "diet"? I need to sell myself as stable mood\-wise \- so I need to seem like I'm eating normally.
We'll be picking up groceries together, so I need to end up with a cart that isn't just shiritaki noodles, diet coke, halo top, and celery...
i don't want to recover anymore
/u/facebook42
Created: Sat Jun 2 00:31:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nysx9/i_dont_want_to_recover_anymore/
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i feel so lost
like i have no one right now
i hate talking to others because it feels like i glamorize my eating disorder
today i was told i don't really want to recover
it's very true
i fooled myself into thinking i was but i'm not ready
all i can think about is everything disgusting about me and how i miss the feeling of water on s empty stomach or even purging or anything fuck i'm addicted
i hate this i hate this
but i also love it
i want to get rid of these feelings but what tf would i do without them
it's been five years with this
i feel like i'm breaking down
i've thought about suicide a lot lately
i know it's not right or something okay
it's quite embarrassing to talk to people i'm close to
i feel like they'd call me stupid
idk
ANOTHER safe food thread
/u/cocionut
Created: Sat Jun 2 00:30:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nyssb/another_safe_food_thread/
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So since I am crippingly depressed and suffering a complete relapse, I figured the way to celebrate it would be to share the foods, I can eat w/o having a total mental breakdown...
FIRST ONE: Oatmeal. Savoury oatmeal. Oatmeal w/ a fuckton of salt, maybe some veggie meat crumbled on.
SECOND ONE: Apples! I love apples, kiwi, oranges, apricots, nectarines, watermelon and starfruit. If you gave me strawberries, I'd probably eat that too...
THIRD ONE: Veggie meats in general. I love the Aldi\-stuff, LikeMeat, Oumph and Quorn has it's moments... So much good shit getting introduced every single bloody day. Tofu, seitan, tempeh is also absolutely delicious.
FOURTH ONE: Protein stuff!! ProPud puddings, ProPud ice cream, Breyers and the love of my life: Oppo!! Maxim protein bars and ThinkThin protein bars.... Just protein bars in general tbh
FIFTH ONE: Sugarfree candy!! There's wine gums and chocolate and hard candy and gum and it's so cheap here!!! i mcfucking love it
SIXTH ONE: VEGETABLES!!! I love zucchini, lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, corn, red peppers, carrots, spinach, butternut squash, asparagus, broccoli, green beans and olives
SEVENTH ONE: Big white beans. Apparently, they have no name BUT.... big white beans...
EIGHTH ONE: Psyllium husk saved my life tbh
NINTH ONE: Broth and little soups!!
TENTH: Cereal is so low\-calorie!! I eat it like little cookies....
ELEVENTH: Whole\-grain pasta, lentil pasta, green pea pasta. I love the tiny ones...
´Share yours in the comments :\)
Ever had a song punch you in the stomach?
/u/crochetyhooker
Created: Sat Jun 2 00:14:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nyq8y/ever_had_a_song_punch_you_in_the_stomach/
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[imagine dragons, whatever it takes](https://youtu.be/gOsM-DYAEhY)
Always had a fear of being typical
Looking at my body feeling miserable
Always hanging on to the visual
I wanna be invisible
[Other] For the first time in a while I feel good so I want to spread the love. Sending support and good vibes to all ✌🏼❤️
/u/pineapples_17
Created: Sat Jun 2 00:08:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nyp9b/for_the_first_time_in_a_while_i_feel_good_so_i/
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At what point does a bulimic need to be hospitalized?
/u/Joyoftheseason
Created: Fri Jun 1 23:58:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nynnx/at_what_point_does_a_bulimic_need_to_be/
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[Rant/Rave] Diet Pepsi Wild Cherry
/u/chicaflaca
Created: Fri Jun 1 23:18:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nyh0g/diet_pepsi_wild_cherry/
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I have been a soda fiend for as long as I can remember. Recently I've been trying to cut it out of my diet and so far I haven't caved yet, but I had really strong cravings for Coke today and yesterday. I absolutely *hate* Diet Coke and Coke Zero. It does NOT taste the same. I don't really like Diet Pepsi either.
I saw a bottle of Diet Pepsi Wild Cherry at the grocery store and decided to get it. It tastes like normal Pepsi Wild Cherry! Now I have something to tide my over until my soda cravings go away.
[Other] I can't bring myself to celebrate my birthday
/u/callmeatheorist
Created: Fri Jun 1 23:10:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nyfnm/i_cant_bring_myself_to_celebrate_my_birthday/
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Every year, every month I plan to lose x amount of pounds by my birthday and I can never do it because my expectations for myself are highly unrealistic.
My birthday is in a few days and I don't even want to invite people over or celebrate. Celebrations mainly revolve around food or cake or going out to eat anyway. I just want one birthday where I'm at my UGW and I'm TINY. Like petite and small and just light as a feather. I want to not freak out and refuse when my boyfriend offers to piggyback me because I'm anxious he'll drop me because I'm too heavy and I'll never be able to live that embarrassment down.
Guess it's not this year.
[Other] I love baby utensils bonus in my favourite colour: yellow! 💛
/u/doublecouponn
Created: Fri Jun 1 22:17:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ny647/i_love_baby_utensils_bonus_in_my_favourite_colour/
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https://i.redd.it/mc36g6rfki111.jpg
[Other] (Humour) me, counting the calories in a beer and deciding a night out is better than those pancakes I was looking forward to
/u/BroItsJesus
Created: Fri Jun 1 21:30:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nxx85/humour_me_counting_the_calories_in_a_beer_and/
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https://i.redd.it/ygk047vybi111.jpg
[Rant/Rave] (rant) “But I’m a man...”
/u/gastrulablastopore
Created: Fri Jun 1 21:23:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nxvz4/rant_but_im_a_man/
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My dad’s usually a sweet man but today just nooo. This afternoon he told my twin sis she could lose some weight because she’s slightly chubby. She personally didn’t want to and her bmi is only like 24 and I (who starved my way into a lower weight) was like “uh, you’re not being a good example you know” because he’s sedentary and even chubbier than my sister and he said that he didnt need to lose weight because he was a man. Whaaaat you really think like his??? One that’s sexist as fuck and two arent you like invalidating all the men who feel insecure about their body??? 😒 wow thanks for helping me feel like I’ll never be a real woman until i’m skinny. And I can’t even imagine how my sister felt
I started cutting again
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Fri Jun 1 20:48:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nxozp/i_started_cutting_again/
---
A few nights ago I felt like I was on the brink of suicide, but I promised my wife/boyfriend that I wouldn’t do anything like that so I impulsively cut myself with an xacto knife and it felt like a sigh of relief...just like before. I’m afraid I’ll go back to my old ways.
I went from cutting to burning to smoking to drugs and pills. Overdosage became too serious so now I’m back to square one. I don’t know what to do.
[Other] Treatment isn't always fair
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Fri Jun 1 20:26:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nxkck/treatment_isnt_always_fair/
---
https://i.redd.it/vu6rcvji0i111.png
[Tip] My beautiful new solution to every kind of stomach pain
/u/hotelbell
Created: Fri Jun 1 20:04:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nxfth/my_beautiful_new_solution_to_every_kind_of/
---
We're talking post-purge nausea. We're talking those bizarre post-purge hunger pangs. We're talking those deep, "I'm going to die" hunger pangs from fasting or really long periods of restriction. Hunger pangs in general. Nausea in general.
Two Tums and a can of diet ginger ale. The calories are negligible, Tums actually taste like candy, and I'm feeling better and less dizzy in five minutes flat. A revelation.
Even when I am restricting as usual, my stomach doesn't want to keep a thing down. This discovery came out of I-don't-want-to-throw-up-again desperation this week and I'm so glad.
Happy Friday from my restriction/trying-not-to-purge-up-my-dinner cave to yours.
[Thinspo] nastygall on tumblr omfg
/u/isaezraa
Created: Fri Jun 1 19:52:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nxd6q/thinspo_nastygall_on_tumblr_omfg/
---
its literally just hundreds of pics of the most gorgeous, thin, toned, tan girls I've ever seen in my entire life
there goes my half assed attempt at recovery lol
I saw this and thought it fit well here.
/u/liveloveparty
Created: Fri Jun 1 19:02:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nx2ay/i_saw_this_and_thought_it_fit_well_here/
---
https://reddit.app.link/UcUzG13lpN
I lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks
/u/MsMousey
Created: Fri Jun 1 18:59:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nx1jv/i_lost_7_pounds_in_2_weeks/
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And all I can think is how it's not enough. I could have eaten less. I could have worked out more. Why is it never enough? I just wanna be happy
Low cal junk food ideas?
/u/100isthegoal
Created: Fri Jun 1 18:47:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nwyyw/low_cal_junk_food_ideas/
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Besides rice cakes, pickles, and diet ice cream. Anything crunchy, salty, sweet! I've been having some intense cravings lately as I am now 3 weeks binge free.
I'm not sure what to say to my GP about health issues
/u/dumdumgirls
Created: Fri Jun 1 18:37:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nwwqx/im_not_sure_what_to_say_to_my_gp_about_health/
---
Alright so I'm posting this on a throwaway because it's a bit embarrassing to have to ask, but I'm making a doctor's appointment soon and I'm really worried about my ED being found out. I'm slightly but not extremely underweight, if that makes any kind of difference.
I want to get blood work done (to check my iron and electrolytes and what have you) and get my heart checked out, since I haven't actually been to the doctors in years and have no idea how much of a toll this has taken on my body. I've been feeling pretty shit lately and would like to find out what kind of damage I've done. I have no idea how to approach this without raising any questions from my GP, and if it comes to them finding out I would love to know what they're likely to do about it.
I guess essentially what I'm asking is: How should I bring up the fact that I think I should have all of these tests done without making it obvious why I'm asking? (Or really, since it's been so long, is the doc likely to want to do them anyway?)
And if the doctor does find out, what is he/she likely to do about it? Nobody in my personal life knows I've got an ED, and I've managed to avoid having it on my medical records so far. I'd really like to keep things that way. Thanks very much to anybody who read all this and can help
Is Arctic Zero in Canada?
/u/100isthegoal
Created: Fri Jun 1 18:22:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nwteh/is_arctic_zero_in_canada/
---
Can't beat 150 cals per pint. I really wanna try it!
[Discussion] Tell me about a time your self-perception was off
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Fri Jun 1 18:14:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nwrk9/tell_me_about_a_time_your_selfperception_was_off/
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Today I found out that one of my favorite youtubers, who I thought was taller and thinner than me, is actually an inch shorter and 25 pounds heavier. It blew my mind that my self-perception is so skewed. What’s your worst example of a time your self-perception was off?
[Rant/Rave] When people casually say, "I'm Starving!"....
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Fri Jun 1 18:09:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nwq7w/when_people_casually_say_im_starving/
---
THIS. DRIVES. ME. CRAZY. My SO's mother constantly says that shes "starving" just because she hasn't eaten in a few hours. I also work in a restaurant and hear people say this all the time. No, you are not starving. You arent the ones eating well below your fucking TDEE every day. You arent the ones literally starving yourselves. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
I can never stick to a healthy deficit
/u/kazoo-E
Created: Fri Jun 1 17:51:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nwm6i/i_can_never_stick_to_a_healthy_deficit/
---
I've tried many times to try eating 1200 a day to lose weight and maybe 1500 if I exercise, but it always spirals out of control. It it starts out with "Oh eating just 500 calories past my limit for today is okay", and then the allowance just gets bigger and bigger every day until I don't care what I eat so I binge and gain weight.
Only when I restrict to <800 do I feel like I'm in control. Even though I do feel very hungry sometimes when I restrict that much, it makes me think "You did well today, don't mess it up" rather than "You already ate 1000+ calories, what's stopping you from getting mcdonalds/chips/cookies/whatever?". Plus, I'm more conscientious about what I eat when I restrict low. It's too easy to stuff myself with junk food when I restrict higher versus searching for filling low cal foods.
Water fast
/u/Dingletringle2
Created: Fri Jun 1 17:41:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nwjrg/water_fast/
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What's the average amount of time you guys water fast for
The strange purchases I make after a 36 hour fast
/u/UQ4120
Created: Fri Jun 1 17:39:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nwjff/the_strange_purchases_i_make_after_a_36_hour_fast/
---
https://imgur.com/woPIY7Y
SOS!!!
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Fri Jun 1 17:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nwe9z/sos/
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Y’all I need some excuses. So every Friday night I hang out at my sisters house. Tonight we went to target to pick up a few things and she insisted on getting brownies and marshmallows to share. It’ll be super weird if I don’t eat them so what do I do? 😭😭😭
[Help] wtf is wrong w my stomach and my shit
/u/grape_fruits
Created: Fri Jun 1 16:52:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nw8b9/wtf_is_wrong_w_my_stomach_and_my_shit/
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this is very tmi but today i got diarrhea and all I consumed was 1 emergen\-c packet, a 1 lb bag of baby carrots, a lot of water, and leftover seafood/lobster salad from the day before. I can't tell why i got diarrhea? the bulk of what I ate today was carrots but I looked it up and saw that they have a lot of insoluble fiber, so if I had bowel problems from carrots, shouldn't I be constipated? or do I have to look back into what I ate yesterday? sos
any others with panic disorder?
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Fri Jun 1 16:52:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nw8al/any_others_with_panic_disorder/
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just looking for support and thoughts as I sit at work with my heart beating out of my chest. my hands are sweaty and the screen is blurry, and there's people sitting in the waiting room and I'm trying not to let on that I can't breathe.
my panic attacks were happening every single day, and I thought that ensuring I get enough protein and electrolytes stopped them - but I've had a BAD one the last 3 days in a row. if i eat something it does help - but i literally just ate all the food I brought to work with me. 500 (!) calories and 50 grams of protein. i should be fine. i have 45 minutes to go and I feel like I won't last another second.
does anyone have any coping mechanisms? do you find certain restrictions (like i don't know, do you find if you eat more of certain foods your panic attacks are worse? is there something I can be doing to help?)
I ate 1,000 calories yesterday and wanted to cry. but i did it, because i hate feeling this way. literally feel like i'm dying anyway - so why not just never eat again??
Made decision to see a therapist
/u/resistersista
Created: Fri Jun 1 16:42:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nw5rq/made_decision_to_see_a_therapist/
---
I honestly don't know which came first, my depression or my food issues. I feel like I'm stable enough now to see my disordered eating for what it is and I'm scared about how long I've had it. Hence, I decided to see my therapist.
I've been in therapy long term for depression and a host of other issues, but not ED. I trust my therapist, so at least I don't have to take the time to establish that, but I'm not sure what to expect about therapy for an eating disorder. Anyone have insight here?
I'm ready to be hot again.
/u/asunshinefix
Created: Fri Jun 1 16:18:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nvzqx/im_ready_to_be_hot_again/
---
I know it's bad, but when I'm skinny and I get noticed everywhere I go, I feel a thousand times better. I've been invisible for the past year or so and although it was a comfort at first, I don't need or want it anymore. Shit, I haven't had sex in almost a year because I couldn't stand for anyone to see my body. I'm just done with hiding now. It's like a switch flipped in my brain. Anyone else with me?
[Rant/Rave] I’ve never been so close to fainting, holy shit.
/u/IsAFailure
Created: Fri Jun 1 16:11:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nvy60/ive_never_been_so_close_to_fainting_holy_shit/
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I started my fast before I went to buy running shoes for the gym, and went last night with some friends.
I got off work 19 hours into my fast, went home and had to change to go pick up cat food and litter. I left with a collective 24 pounds of litter/food and carried them back to the car. It’s 87° with a “feels like” of 97° and the AC doesn’t work in the car. When I sat inside, my eyes started getting heavy and my head was wanting to fall to the side. I was pretty worried about driving but I got home safe.
Pretty pointless post but I’ve never fainted and I don’t recall ever being that close. It’s funny how many of us realize how fucked we are when we have a moment like this, but I’m more proud than worried, lol.
Ed books
/u/Arkhamgel
Created: Fri Jun 1 15:41:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nvqbo/ed_books/
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What ed-centered novels do you know and/or love ?
-wintergirls, L.H. Anderson
-A trick of the light, Lois Metzger
-?
[Other] I ruined my hunger cues a long time ago. I only know I'm full if I hate myself.
/u/PsychoticGiggles
Created: Fri Jun 1 15:24:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nvlse/i_ruined_my_hunger_cues_a_long_time_ago_i_only/
---
*HUMOUR*
[Rant/Rave] Being a fat bulimic, why do I even need help?
/u/Throwaway82728282
Created: Fri Jun 1 15:10:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nvi73/being_a_fat_bulimic_why_do_i_even_need_help/
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No one cares. Everyone scoffs and laughs at me when I mention my battles with anorexia and bulimia, what's the point?
I'll be laughed at, I'll be told I'm better of staying bulimic. When you think of an eating disorder you never think a fat person could have one. If even the outside world thinks I'm fat why do I need help? To get made fun of more?
I've only had purge type bulimia (never had binges, I'd just throw up every meal). No one believes a fat bulimic. Not even my own parents so I think other people will care or believe me? I get mocked, made fun of and ridiculed so why not continue being bulimic?
[Tip] All the near-Zero, filling, low carb foods!
/u/us0special
Created: Fri Jun 1 14:59:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nvf50/all_the_nearzero_filling_low_carb_foods/
---
Aside from the typical diet sodas, teas, coffee, zero-energy drinks...
I mean foods to fill that fridge and make plates that, despite size, can’t be high in calories.
Please add y’all:
1. Riced cauliflower. A real god-send. I thought it would be “bleh” but it’s an AMAZING if not BETTER replacement for rice. Low in calories and carb content (well, minus the fiber).
2. Tofu shirataki noodles. Almost no cal and hardly any carbs. The brand I got (I can’t remember) had NO smell, which might be due to the fact the name had “tofu” in it? I don’t know. I wonder how these would work in an air fryer... someone test this out pls I don’t own that machine lol.
3. Egg whites. You can add spinach to make a beautiful low-cal fluffy omelette.
K what yall got
[Rant/Rave] i only allow myself to eat past a certain time and it's exhausting
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Fri Jun 1 14:53:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nvdcr/i_only_allow_myself_to_eat_past_a_certain_time/
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my days consist of only consuming water/tea/gum/0cal drinks until 8pm, taking my sleeping pills, eating a huge meal then passing out around 9\-10. i feel so low in energy all day because of this but i can never bring myself to eat earlier in the day in fear of binging. it sucks:/
[Other] It's summer...? Yay?
/u/planetarydisaster
Created: Fri Jun 1 14:32:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nv7rp/its_summer_yay/
---
Okay, so it's summer. I didn't hit my GW not even close. But you know what summer does mean? Constant exercise to 'prepare' for band camp and going away to camp for drum major.
All together? I only really have to see people for dinner, and I can pass that off as eating too much during lunch.
So hey, even though I didn't hit my gw I have my opportunity to restrict more than normal
[Other] I’M MAKING PROGRESS!!! ✨ (Wedding dress photos)
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Fri Jun 1 14:26:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nv645/im_making_progress_wedding_dress_photos/
---
On the morning of my wedding (January 2018), I weighed in at ***170 pounds.*** It wasn’t the heaviest I’ve ever been but it was the most I’d weighed in a looooong time. The number wasn’t as big of a problem as the fact that I gained 52 pounds in 2 months (lol shoot me).
I saw my wedding photos a week after and realized just how much weight I had gained. I died. [Here are some extra cringeworthy photos that made me want to hide forever. ](https://imgur.com/a/Ny7LD3n) I knew something needed to change!!
Today I tried my wedding dress on to see my progress and I was sooooooo happy to see that [my dress was actually loose! ](https://imgur.com/a/QAkjyRQ) Thank the good lord. I see the number changing on the scale but I just couldn’t see the progress on my body until today.
Just wanted to pop in and share this before-and-during photo to encourage you guys to keep going! It’s hard when you’re right in the middle of your goal. I am right there with you! **I will reach my UGW by my birthday, August 20th.** I’ve been going hard since the last week of April, and I’ve lost about 20 pounds. I have 29 more pounds to lose until my goal weight, and 2.5 months to do it. That is definitely doable for me! ♥️
Interesting article about the true meaning of vanity vs. self hate
/u/bashytr0n
Created: Fri Jun 1 14:20:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nv4lc/interesting_article_about_the_true_meaning_of/
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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/eat-the-damn-cake/201212/you-are-not-vain-caring-about-your-appearance
What’s wrong with me
/u/li_hu_sh
Created: Fri Jun 1 14:10:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nv1ql/whats_wrong_with_me/
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I eat less than 1200 calories, I have PE five days a week (and we run at least 2-4 laps a day). I do ab exercises at home and I walk on the treadmill. So why am I 5’2 and 124 pounds??!! I’m a female by the way.
disappointed but not surprised, what else is new
/u/brontide-holophrasis
Created: Fri Jun 1 14:10:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nv1pv/disappointed_but_not_surprised_what_else_is_new/
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my graduation party is today (hooray! fuck high school!) and i invited nine people, the only friends i have in the god-awful hell state of kentucky and the only people that make it bearable to live in this tiny-ass town, and only three of them can make it. granted, two of them are two of the three that i wanted to come the most, so i shouldn't be that upset, but my ex who is still my best friend (god i've mentioned him a lot on this sub haven't i?) has to babysit, so that's kind of a letdown.
of course my brain is like "that's because everyone has more important things to do, you are an unimportant garbage monster and frankly i don't know why you expected anyone to show up at all" and "if you were skinnier they would care about you more" etc etc all that fun bullshit.
to top it all off my mom made a frankly ridiculous amount of food for it, including some of my favorites (let's be honest it's mostly the chicken cheese salsa dip) but now i'm too upset to even feel hungry.
it's whatever tho i already cut myself up all to fuck last night because i don't know how to deal with anything and i may end up getting drunk tonight if i can get away with it so woo party i guess
Stupid limerick I thought you guys might enjoy
/u/UnderseaK
Created: Fri Jun 1 13:29:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nuq8w/stupid_limerick_i_thought_you_guys_might_enjoy/
---
Here's a dumb little limerick I wrote about the wonders of housework. As a stay-at-home-mom I find it works wonders, lol.
An Ode to Housecleaning:
Housecleaning now is where it's at
It helps me to be less fat
It's calories burned, it's exercise!
Mopping and sweeping reduce my thighs
Clean house brings compliments and praise
And staying busy fuels my restriction phase
It looks like I've got my shit together
When I mow the lawn in summer weather
But mowing the lawn burns the calories quick
(Just stay hydrated so you don't get sick)
"Look how much I got done!" I smile and say,
And no one suspects I've been fasting today.
Housecleaning, I love you, you keep me on track
When hiding an ED you've got my back.
[Rant/Rave] i went to my friend’s beach house.
/u/yifans
Created: Fri Jun 1 13:03:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nuj4s/i_went_to_my_friends_beach_house/
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my college roommate and i are quite close, and i decided to drive five hours this week to see her. she and her high school friends were hanging out at her beach house, and i was excited to hang out with her (and be away from my family).
and then i put my swimsuit on. next to everybody else, i looked like a beached whale. i didn’t get off the beach towel the entire time. i snuck onto my roommate’s camera and deleted every picture i was in. and when it was time for dinner, i purged harder than i ever had before.
this was a mistake. i forgot that there needs to be food inside you, not just calories consumed, for alcohol not to make you fall asleep face-down in your own vomit. i smoked an entire pack of cigarettes when i’ve been casual about smoking—twice or three times a week, tops. and i slept on the floor of the shower while everybody else had wild monkey sex in the next room.
my circumference is the only thing i think about. i can’t date or have friends because nobody would dare be seen with such a disgusting creature. i’ve only kissed one person and i pushed him away HARD. and i’n spending the summer aggressively alone, trapped in a binge/purge/restrict cycle that hasnt gotten me under 65 kg in three years. i’m so lost. i just want to cut myself open and let the fat ooze out. it’s ruining my life.
i’m sorry for the rant. i’m really overwhelmed right now.
Urgently need someone to tell me why it is better that I keep on fasting until tomorrow instead of having a b/p session
/u/hardyzafon
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:56:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nugzp/urgently_need_someone_to_tell_me_why_it_is_better/
---
I don't even have cravings but I'm getting a nagging sense of 'you should b/p now you can just in case' and struggling to see past it. It's almost as if I thought it'll help me lose better than just fasting! I need someone to talk some sense into me please, if it's with personal experience the better. Thanks guys <3 (I'm fasting just to emotionally recover from a mini binge the day before yesterday, it won't be a long fast)
[Help] Tried EC stacking for the first time, felt STARVING?
/u/orthoreXXX
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nugn3/tried_ec_stacking_for_the_first_time_felt_starving/
---
Heeelllppppp I just tried taking a Bronkaid tablet with some coffee and it literally made me ravenous??? What am I doing wrong?
Favorite low calorie ice cream brands and flavors?
/u/i-want-to-be-little
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:38:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nubvm/favorite_low_calorie_ice_cream_brands_and_flavors/
---
When I started out on calorie counting, I was really into Halo Top. I made a list of their flavors and checked off trying nearly every one of them (aside from the flavors with nuts as I’m unfortunately allergic to them). A little over a year later, and I’ve started to explore other brands. My absolute favorite is enlightened cold brew coffee ice cream. But there are so many different brands and flavors out there that I can’t possibly try them all.
If you like low calorie ice cream, what are your favorite brands and flavors? What would you recommend that I try next?
[Discussion] Need advice on bonding with fellow ED’er
/u/deadlylikesugar
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:38:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nubsp/need_advice_on_bonding_with_fellow_eder/
---
Lol @ how pathetic my title sounds. And lol @ ‘ED’er’ but... y’all know what I mean.
Soooo I have this acquaintance that I’m about to be on vacation with for 2 weeks. Just the two of us plus our S/O’s. She also struggles with an ED (which she has only hinted toward in so many words in the past...but...when you’re in the same boat, you just *know*, you know?). Anyway, it’s about to be the biggest fucking elephant in the room at every meal and my anxiety about it is killing me. It also doesn’t help that we’re the same height and she’s about 10 lb’s lighter than me.
We get along amazingly well and have so much in common. The only reason we aren’t closer friends is because we haven’t spent enough time together....but I genuinely feel like we could be best friends...as lame and childish as that sounds... lmao. I’m kind of worried that while we’re drunk (which we will be), I’ll slip up and try to bond with her over it...... but fuck, I think I might regret it the next day. I just feel like it has 50/50 potential to go really well and bring us closer.....or the opposite.
What would you do if you were in my position? Should I just wait to see if she tries to say something (but what if she’s thinking the same way)? Should I just abort mission & forget about it all together?? Lmao. Halp!
so i tried going shopping for jeans today
/u/-sadgarden
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:31:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nu9xv/so_i_tried_going_shopping_for_jeans_today/
---
buying clothes is a really stressful situantion but i really needed some pants that arent baggy as hell incase i have a good mental health day :D
so first i try on some slim jeans in my current size, look at myself in the mirror and i think wtf when did my legs get so skinny(in a good disordered way tho).
then later im at a different store which has mirrors all over so that you can see yourself from the side. and im all like wait no your hips are still way too fat, and the rest of your body too.
so what the hell is the truth? i just want to know how i really look :(
i even tried using the body visualizer a few times and everytime i literally cant comprehend that thats what im supposed to look like. is that really how other ppl see me??
ps: im on mobile - flair as rant
[Discussion] Food doesn’t taste good anymore???
/u/bloomoonxx
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:29:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nu9i6/food_doesnt_taste_good_anymore/
---
Ok idk if it’s just me but I have completely lost the Taste in food. Like my recent binges the whole time I was thinking “why am I eating this it doesn’t even taste good”. Like I can still taste the food but it just isn’t good at all anymore??!! I used to loooove food and it was like the only thing that made me happy now nothing tastes good and I don’t even feel like eating🤷🏼♀️
Knee problems from overexercise?
/u/UnderseaK
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:25:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nu86g/knee_problems_from_overexercise/
---
So, I have a total love/hate relationship with exercise, but I do an intense 90 minutes of cardio and 10 mins of weights every day because ED brain. Recently though, my running and my stationary bike have been messing with me. I've been getting knee pain on the outer side of my knee, and for the past two days it's been pretty swollen. I wrapped it and cut back a bit on the intensity of my workout...but I don't know if I can take a day off completely. I don't want to go to my doctor because if she finds out I'm restricting and overexercising again she'll mess with my meds again, and I hate that.
Now, I don't know if this is just me, but the knee I get pain on is already kind of messed up. I was in a bad car accident a couple years back and I have nerve damage from that. The thing is though, my nerve damage tends to make me NOT feel things, so the pain is odd. Anyone else have experience with this? Any tips for helping minimize damage?
To those in the US- how do you stack up against your state? I'm at 23.9 and my state is a shocking 33.0!
/u/UQ4120
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nu7vy/to_those_in_the_us_how_do_you_stack_up_against/
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https://imgur.com/a/PTxMIht
What questions do they ask you before/during intake for O,IOP, PHP, IP?
/u/zaboomafu
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:22:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nu7gw/what_questions_do_they_ask_you_beforeduring/
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My husband and therapist have maybe guilted me into getting help. I just need to know what horrible truths ill have to say out loud when I call/go there for assessment.
Thank you
To those in the US- how do you compare to your state? I'm at 23.9 and my state is a shocking 33.0!
/u/UQ4120
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:20:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nu6z7/to_those_in_the_us_how_do_you_compare_to_your/
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https://i.redd.it/v84ydwkeu1t01.jpg
Is this normal?
/u/assaultycunt
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:17:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nu5xa/is_this_normal/
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I've been restricting meals a lot more than I usually do, purging has been almost impulsive and I've lost four pounds in a total of 4 days.
I'm ecstatic and on cloud nine, but is this water weight or true weight loss?
I've been getting my fluids and have the occassional veggie or saltine, also drink pickle brine when I feel myself starting to feel shitty.
[Discussion] DAE feel an uncontrollable urge for binges when you have your period?
/u/camiht1234567890
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:16:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nu5j5/dae_feel_an_uncontrollable_urge_for_binges_when/
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I get maybe three periods throughout the whole year, but when I do nothing fills me up. So I fight with myself to not get up and go to the kitchen because I know if I only take one bite I won't stop eating for the rest of the day... Gained 4pounds in the past 2 days. I feel so horribly fat. Any tips to make it stop?
Not feeling "sick" enough
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Fri Jun 1 12:09:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nu3oc/not_feeling_sick_enough/
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In month in to "recovery" and im still in doubt if i actually need this or if I'm just giving myself excuses to eat whatever i want. I kind of knew that something was up with me after i lost weight. The lack of sleep, the insane focus on food, the zero sex drive etc. I always felt like i had 2 sides to me. Only now when I look back on my behaviors, i realise how bad i had become. Going to 4 different stores in a day to go look at food and low calorie options, not being able to sweat, having cold all the time,waking up in the middle of the night hungry as fuck. And still, 1 month in recovery my brain still tries to convince me that I'm just overreacting. That i need to be thin to be happy. But i know those are lies. All my hobbies and passions before my ed melted away from me. I isolated myself, spending hours on hours on learning ways to manage hunger. Every night when i go to sleep, i think to myself : why did this happen to me? Why did i go from a care free, chubby but extremely positive guy to a negative, black and white emotionless human being. My life only revolves around food and weight loss. And that's so sad if you think about it. I don't know why I'm posting this, i just feel so alone. Like no one understands. My ed helped me forget my ex for a while. Now that I'm trying to let go of my ED, I'm getting depressed about my ex again. I just hope that one day, one day i be normal again. Thanks for reading peeps <3
[Discussion] Anyone else do this?
/u/nihpur
Created: Fri Jun 1 11:58:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nu080/anyone_else_do_this/
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So I got into basic meal prep and learned about seasonings/sauces and what they go well with. Today, as an example I cooked some turkey with bbq sauce and put some salad and rice near it. It's a balanced healthy meal, yet I just sat in front of it and put it away after a while. It makes me feel in control when I do this with any food.
[Thinspo] Soulcycle is the best thinspo
/u/saptashati
Created: Fri Jun 1 11:57:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ntzyi/soulcycle_is_the_best_thinspo/
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Let me tell you nothing motivates me to diet like Soulcycle. Everyone there is blonde and skinny and strong. The instructors are all beautiful and inspiring. Like it’s like being surrounded by all the thinspo models i see on Instagram but they are like telling me how to look like them. Plus the workout is so good and I feel great after. It’s like one of the only things that make me skinnier but I also don’t hate myself the entire time.
The only issue is that it’s a little hard to get changed after the shower there but soon my body will look like theirs soon I hope.
[Discussion] Who else freaking loves the 1st of the month?
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Fri Jun 1 11:44:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ntw6e/who_else_freaking_loves_the_1st_of_the_month/
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There’s something magical about starting a new month. I just feel like I can conquer anything, and it renews my excitement and determination to reach my goals!!!
IT’S JUNE! My goal is to go all 30 days of June without a binge. I’ve got too much to go until I hit my UGW. Ain’t nobody got time for a binge. 🙌🏼
[Discussion] DAE watch Supersize vs Superskinny?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Fri Jun 1 11:13:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ntn1g/dae_watch_supersize_vs_superskinny/
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DAE watch this? Its so gross when they food drops into the tube, but I watch it when I get bored.
Got my wisdom teeth out today!
/u/laurenmini2
Created: Fri Jun 1 10:58:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ntini/got_my_wisdom_teeth_out_today/
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And boy am I going to drag this out as long as possible so I have an excuse not to eat anything.
Thanks justcico.com, I can't wait to reach my UGW of 0.0!
/u/mikamou
Created: Fri Jun 1 10:56:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nti1q/thanks_justcicocom_i_cant_wait_to_reach_my_ugw_of/
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https://i.redd.it/maq1rddx6f111.jpg
[Discussion] Share your interpretation of “fasting”
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Fri Jun 1 10:56:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nthzh/share_your_interpretation_of_fasting/
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This is partially inspired by a brief Snapchat conversation with a friend: I snapped her a picture of my iced Americano for lunch with “does this drink with zero nutritional content break my fast” and she replied with “ramazan yes ED no” (we’re both Middle Eastern). For further context, Ramazan or Ramadan is the month in the Islamic calendar during which Muslims take a full fast from sunrise till sundown. These intermittent fasts are meant to encourage a person to spend time consciously devoting themselves to G*d, etc. etc. Pregnant and menstruating individuals, young kids, elderly people, and people with health conditions are told not to fast because the rules are pretty strict and can be a lot on a person: no food, no water, no gum, no coffee, no cigarettes/appetite suppressing drugs... But the nice part is the meal that breaks your fast is massive, there’s no restrictions on what you can eat at that point (aside from your standard Halal meat, no pork, no alcohol, but otherwise it’s zero restriction). And of course depending on what part of the world you live and when Ramazan happens to fall (it’s a lunar month) you can have very short (less than eight hours) or very long (twenty three and a half hours) fasts.
With all of that context described... I’ve been thinking about what constitutes a “valid fast”. I have certain restriction rules, and I’m well aware that to many with EDs I’m living like a spoilt baby. I never fast more than 24 hours, aim for 16, and usually average out to 18-19 intermittent. (I live with family and I rarely get more than 24 hours without being made to eat, but also I feel the cognitive effects of hunger really fast and can not afford to get stupider/slower because I’m hungry..) During my fasts I allow myself coffee (all black but I don’t drink any other way), water, carbonated drinks with no calories (can have any flavour), gum, crumbs sometimes, supplements for minerals/vitamins, supplements with calories (any amino acid supplement has calories technically even if the coating is cellulose based), and I’ve even had collagen powder (in water) before and not counted it as breaking my fast. That’s about an intake of 30 calories. I’ve also counted a single blueberry or a single cashew as breaking my fast before (they’re both less than 10 calories). The only food crumbs I’m okay with are the ones left on my own plate, immediately after I’ve finished eating. At those times it’s only okay because my fasts HAVE TO start at a time where the minutes past the hour are a multiple of 5, and preferably a multiple of 15 (so 6:15 pm is better than 6:25, but it cannot be 6:27 – if I finish my meal at 6:25 but then there’s a crumb of a pizza crust left that I eat at 6:27 I won’t consider that a violation of my fast because my fast started at 6:25.) Similarly while I’m okay with 30 calories of collagen powder in water, I will refuse to even have a sip of someone else’s non diet soda even if the whole can is a hundred calories and I’m taking the tiniest sip, because taking that sip breaks my fast.
I’m wondering what everyone considers to be a “valid” fast, and maybe what you believe has influenced your definition of fasting. I think everyone will have different answers and I’d like to compare across the board. I’d also like to hear if you’re like my friend and I, and have multiple definitions of fasting (like Muslim fasting vs ED fasting?)
Scared to weigh in..
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Fri Jun 1 10:55:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nthox/scared_to_weigh_in/
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I'm so scared I gained weight. I have been eating less then 1000 calories ( only one day I exceeded over that by forced eating). Anyways, what should I expect for my weigh in today?
Also i'm going to the store today, does anyone suggest any low calorie foods?
[Other] Vintage diet ads museum?
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Fri Jun 1 10:17:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nt7b8/vintage_diet_ads_museum/
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I've been obsessed with vintage diet ads/how weight and body image have been portrayed in the media through the years. I low key want to dedicate an ungodly amount of time into acquiring and creating a timeline or progression of weight and diet culture....
Does anyone know if anything like this currently exists?
What is "expected weight" (insurance)?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Fri Jun 1 10:06:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nt3ka/what_is_expected_weight_insurance/
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My insurance covers inpatient if you are less than 75% of expected weight. Is that 75% of 18.5 BMI or some other weight?
Shoutout to this anonymous confession for deterring me from chickening out of my fast
/u/communalistwitch
Created: Fri Jun 1 09:58:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nt16b/shoutout_to_this_anonymous_confession_for/
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https://i.redd.it/spafo5wxue111.jpg
[Discussion] Do anyone else's binge urges just never go away on their own with time?
/u/portrayalofdeath
Created: Fri Jun 1 09:44:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nsw4a/do_anyone_elses_binge_urges_just_never_go_away_on/
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So I've seen it written in multiple articles on how to stop binging to just ride the wave or urge surf, and with time the urges will subside. That you should just give yourself 30 minutes and the urge will pass. Or that you should just tell yourself that you can eat something in an hour if you still want to, but that when that time passes, you won't have the desire anymore.
Well, that shit doesn't work for me, which is making me really frustrated because I just can't break the cycle. I've never once had an urge just pass after half an hour, and if they do, they just come back with a vengeance. I've tried this so many times, and there were plenty of occasions where I'd go for a walk to distract myself and I just kept thinking about binging for 2-4 hours straight. And I'd come home and I would be losing it due to how unbearable it was, and I'd just binge. In the beginning, I also tried to tell myself that I can just live with the urges today, because tomorrow will be better. And then the next day came, and instead of urges subsiding, they just came back harder, until eventually I just couldn't take it anymore and I binged. Or I wake up with an intense desire to binge, try to fight it off the entire day, and then binge at the end anyway. In both of those cases, yeah, I made it longer than if I gave in immediately, but the binges are then just harder and longer, so in the end, I'm not even in a better position.
I'm just at a loss as to what to do, since the only way I don't binge is if I the urges don't even arise. But that's not something I can control. I've tried all kinds of mindfulness techniques mentioned in CBT books and in Brain Over Binge for when they do arise, but I found it's a lost cause. They say to just observe the thoughts with curiosity instead of judging them, which is all well and good, but after I do that 10 times in an hour, I get bored and can't really be curious about them anymore. Or to realize that it's your "animal brain" generating these urges, but so what? They're still in my head, and the brain is also not just split into two parts, it's one complex organ. So it seems intellectually dishonest and I just can't get behind this simplification. In turn, it of course doesn't work, because I question it.
Sometimes I get hopeful when I don't binge for a few days, but inevitably, that lucky streak ends, and then it's back to the same old. And I've also tried different things as far as the diet is concerned. For a while, I'd go with really high deficits so that maybe my mind would be distracted with faster weight loss. Didn't work consistently. Then I'd try a more moderate approach. Still the same thing. When I change something, I'm good for a few days because I'm hopeful that this new thing will work, but then it doesn't, and I'm in the same boat.
And the thing I hate most is that I probably exert more willpower now in a week than I did before in months when cutting without these urges. Yet, I've gone up around 40 lbs (and I've been roughly the same weight for the past 5 months), while before with a fraction of willpower invested, I've gone down 40 lbs and maintained that for 7 or 8 years. I even had untreated hypothyroidism then, and I was able to lose or maintain with so much less effort. I fucking hate this, it destroyed my life completely.
[Help] Help!
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Fri Jun 1 09:08:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nskky/help/
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Help guys! I started my internship today and I get free lunches. It’s in a cafeteria style setting on a college campus. I just caught myself thinking “oh who cares I can eat whatever I want and it’ll be fine.” I know if I do that I’ll freak the fuck out afterwards. What should I do or eat? I really can’t skip this meal because I’ll be eating it with my director.
im lonely, sad and had alcohol. anyone want to join the pity party?
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Fri Jun 1 08:38:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nsci4/im_lonely_sad_and_had_alcohol_anyone_want_to_join/
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this post isnt going anywhere, just, yeah. idk. the frustration i feel is becoming unbearable and this is all i can do about it.
i dont feel like a person.. i am legally an adult and yet i have less of a sense of self than a 6 year old. i mean its surely partially the insecurities of being a young adult, but... mainly my parents dont treat me like a person. they control everything, and theres no way i can currently break out of it (dont bother trying to give advice, i really am stuck here for now.)
ive been using restriction as a way of being a individual person, as a way of rebelling against my parents, but lately theyve been acting controlling about that aspect too.
i have nothing. i am no one. theres nothing i could do to be a person, where i live, because its a boring industrial town that has nothing to offer. i have no friends. i am too depressed to make money. i am not a person
All the compliments
/u/Dylanrose669
Created: Fri Jun 1 08:10:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ns5y8/all_the_compliments/
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I left 3 months ago for a camp, dropped about 50 lbs and now EVERYONE I see is telling me I lost weight and it's just the biggest confidence boost. My brother in law was like. "You lost weight. Good." And I know that sounds bad but I couldn't help but laugh and feel good about it.
My mil said that it looked like I lost 1/3 of myself. I know I got here through unhealthy methods but like?
Also, I'm a little worried this could cause problems later on. Like if they think I'm small at a size 12/14 then what'll happen when I hit size 6 or 4 or less.
Anyways thanks for letting me rant.
On a happier note
I've been officially alcohol free for 24 hours and binge free for 4 days!
You know you're in deep when you have a seizure for the first time and one of the first things you google is how many calories you burn during a seizure
/u/Plz_Can_You_Not
Created: Fri Jun 1 08:00:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ns3am/you_know_youre_in_deep_when_you_have_a_seizure/
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Googled it and found it hard to find an answer before realising that normal people wouldn't be worried about calories when they literally died and got resuscitated 😂😂😂😂
DAE wish they looked like their shadow?
/u/nekkedpebbl
Created: Fri Jun 1 07:57:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ns2l4/dae_wish_they_looked_like_their_shadow/
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Okay this is kinda weird but hear me out. Basically since I was a kid I would see my shadow and wish that my body looked like my shadow- because it looks like me but thinner and better because it's stretched out. Is this weird or does anyone else do this?
[Rant/Rave] Poop party
/u/steamedbun_27
Created: Fri Jun 1 07:44:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nrzdm/poop_party/
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TMI. Ok guys, so for the past few days I’ve been restricting, and for some reason my stomach started feeling MIGHTY uncomfortable and I kept having those vibrations in the lower part of my tummy (below the belly button so sort of like the intestines) and literally I could feel movement and a lot of noises were coming from my stomach. I had a lot of trapped gas for some reason idk what but finally today all hell let loose and I am on the toilet, my 6th trip AND counting. I’m still bloated as hell and I know that I’m gonna sleep in the toilet tonight. My poop also came out looking SUPER weird. I’m freaking out lol I didn’t even binge but ?????? I’m not complaining though lmao
Offended and elated at the same time, wth
/u/Avadakaboom
Created: Fri Jun 1 07:19:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nrtdx/offended_and_elated_at_the_same_time_wth/
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So, on a political thread in the comments section on a forum outside of reddit someone started the personal attacks, of course.
Guys, I was told I wore the malnourished meth head look really well by some old man. 😂😂
The malnourished bit made my fucking day in a fucked up way and I bet he would be so pissed if he knew. The meth head bit was just... Wth lmao. Clear skin and all my teeth in good condition really shouts meth head.
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! June 01, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 1 06:14:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nreh0/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_june/
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This is the weekly picture thread for June 01, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Daily Food Diary! June 01, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Jun 1 06:14:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nrefy/daily_food_diary_june_01_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for June 01, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] My scale is broken
/u/damnitjanet6
Created: Fri Jun 1 05:57:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nraur/my_scale_is_broken/
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I'm so upset, and it's so stupid. My scale has apparently been telling me the wrong weight for the past few months?? I actually weigh 14lbs more than I thought I did. I feel like a whale. I'm so upset/mad at myself. My goal weights seem so so far away. I'm so fat what the fuck.
[Help] Scared to go over 100 calories a day.
/u/celestialmisstep
Created: Fri Jun 1 05:54:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nraa4/scared_to_go_over_100_calories_a_day/
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Maybe a little self explanatory from the title but as of the past couple weeks I’ve began restricting more and more, starting from about 500 a day to now 100. I hate it and it’s slowing down my metabolism so badly I’m barely losing any weight and I’m so extremely weak, but I can’t stop. I’m too scared to go any higher and it’s deeply worrying me that I’ve reached this point.
Anyone have any advice on how to up intake without freaking out? I tried to eat 300 yesterday and ended up purging and running it off.
I hate this.
Gaining weight after heavy restriction?
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Fri Jun 1 05:32:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nr5ud/gaining_weight_after_heavy_restriction/
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Restricted heavily yesterday for the first time in a few days. I’ve stayed at around or below 1200 calories for the last 5ish days and ate a little below 600 yesterday. Woke up expecting to see a loss, but I weighed 143! I feel suuuper bloated too. So does anyone restrict heavily and retain a bunch of water?
Someone said I look like I lost weight today.
/u/Aszuna1974
Created: Fri Jun 1 05:14:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nr2p0/someone_said_i_look_like_i_lost_weight_today/
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I was so happy when she told me that. It made me want to hop on the treadmill for 45 minutes just so I can keep getting complimented.
[Rant/Rave] 6 years since he died and I need a rant
/u/8yearsandcounting
Created: Fri Jun 1 05:14:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nr2kh/6_years_since_he_died_and_i_need_a_rant/
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Hi everyone, soz bout the dramatic title I feel like it's kinda justified today tbh.
It's been 6 years to the day since my boyfriend/fwb/who even knows died from heart failure caused by his anorexia/drug abuse/everything and I'm still not coping?? Supposedly I've been 'recovered' for like at least 3 years now but unfortunatly ED's like to come back and remind you how in control they are every once in a while. It feels like absolute failure because everyone around me is so proud of how far I've come and yet I feel like an absolute fraud cause I'm still b/p'ing and (attempting to) restrict every day. And it makes it so much worse on days like today when literally my whole family has gone on holiday without me and I'm expected to somehow not fuck up by myself for 3 days literally a week before the most important uni exams of my life (yay biomed honours ugh).
I just really don't know how to feel like?!?! I just jumped in our pool and it's 10 degrees out and maybe I've given myself hypothermia but I'm drunk so it's okay to be this self destructive right??
Idk where I was even going with this. If you've gotten this far then thanks proud of u for listening to my whining. I've been lurking here for a lil bit and you guys all seem so supportive and I feel like I need a little of that rn without people telling me to just get over it/get better/stop being a whiny lil shit.
[Rant/Rave] Finally tried to seek help and was genuinely told I’m not sick enough.
/u/ellenarama
Created: Fri Jun 1 04:00:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nqple/finally_tried_to_seek_help_and_was_genuinely_told/
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On mobile and first post here, so apologies in advance.
I know I have a problem with my eating; heavy restriction. It’s been going on for years but over the past few months I’m almost certain, that at age 26, I’m going through an early menopause linked to my restriction. I do want kids one day and so I forced myself to get help. I don’t want to be infertile. The hair loss, the bruising, the fainting - I can deal with all that. The obsession over which Greek yoghurt has less calories and the hours in the supermarket - I can cope with that. But I want a family one day.
I went to see my GP, who referred me urgently to a mental health nurse. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done to walk into that room and lay my ED bare. I’ve just come out of that appointment to be told that the waiting lists are too long already for the eating disorder team and I’m not underweight enough to be considered.
What the fuck. Now what? I’m scared this is just going to push me deeper into restriction until they deem me sick enough. But what is sick enough? Hospitalisation? I can’t recover on my own, I’ve tried and I can’t. I’m so scared. I’m so angry. I don’t want to die from this disease, but I feel like they won’t take me seriously until I’m almost there.
I had bloods done yesterday, so fuck knows what I’ll do if they come back and confirm I’ve entered the menopause. I guess I’ll update you on Tuesday when I get the results if anyone is interested.
I’m sorry this post is so long. I feel like I have nowhere else to turn now. I’ve lurked in this community for a long time and you guys all seem amazing. I just needed to rant. Now it’s time to go to work and try and put on a brave face.
Thank you for reading, if you got this far. So much love to everyone. This struggle is horrendous and I have so much love and admiration for you all for just taking each day as it comes xxx
I DID IT!!
/u/DenyMyHunger
Created: Fri Jun 1 03:16:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nqik7/i_did_it/
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Posted the other day about being 203lbs and hoping to get to 199lbs on my Friday weigh in. Well...
198lbs!! 🎉
I fuckin did that.
I hate myself. Nothing I do is right.
/u/CHOCALAT-FISH
Created: Fri Jun 1 02:20:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nq9vt/i_hate_myself_nothing_i_do_is_right/
---
I'm too scared to eat thanks to this b/p cycle from hell (post treatment and gaining 6 kilos in 6 weeks on 1800 a day with exercise. WTF) I'm an idiot so I'm trying a bunch of different diets to fix it, because eating like a normal person is a little too terrifying for me. I wanted to do a liquid diet of Fortisip and Sustagen but Fortisip is too scary for me and today when I tried to make Sustagen from the powder, I spilt it all over the floor (I'm very superstitious and took it as a sign that I'm not supposed to have Sustagen... ridiculous I know). I've had issues with my gut for ages so I tried to do a gluten free diet to see if it helped but I got stuck in the all or nothing mentality and kept binging on bread. Tried to go vegan like I used to be, but no amount of documentaries or footage of animals could make me care all that much. Tried OMAD but I feel like I'm dying if I skip breakfast. None of these have worked and I'm still b/ping and I can't deal with this anymore. Help me. I just want to be able to restrict again.
[Help] I think that my coworker “outed” me to my boss
/u/CatsAreKids
Created: Fri Jun 1 02:02:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nq6u9/i_think_that_my_coworker_outed_me_to_my_boss/
---
About a month or so ago, I was talking to a coworker of mine who I kind of consider to be a friend, when I suddenly had a breakdown and I ended up telling her that I have an eating disorder.
She didn’t really say much, and that’s okay because really, what can a person say in response to that?
Anyway, her and I ended up going on lunch at the same time today so we were both hanging out in the break room.
She was eating, and asked if I was going to have something for lunch.
I told her no, because I had a shorter shift so I was just going to eat when I got home.
Later on before I left, she was chatting in the office with my boss (which isn’t unusual, we’re all pretty talkative), and my boss says to me “you are such a tiny little thing! How much do you weigh?”
It caught me off guard to say the least.
I wasn’t about to tell them that it was none of their business because I felt like that’d be a dead giveaway that I have a problem.
I didn’t want to tell them my current weight (102 lbs) because I was embarrassed by how high it felt to me, so like a fool, I told the my lowest weight (93 lbs).
Then my boss and coworker/friend reacted as if they were going to “guess”, but stopped themselves.
My boss went on to say “I only ask because you’re small like my son, but he weighs 80 lbs. But you’re older, so you’ve got more muscle and denser bones...”
To me it seemed like she was trying to assure me that I was normal.
I don’t know, it made me really uncomfortable.
It was just so random, it seems like too much of a coincidence to me.
I think my coworker told my boss, and now I’m afraid that maybe she’s told other people as well.
I’m hurt and I really want to be mad at her, but would it even be worth it to confront her?
She’s basically my only friend.
TL;DR I think my boss and coworkers know that I have an eating disorder.
Someone told me today to write down my dream, put it on a fridge, and work toward it every day.
/u/EDthrowaway343
Created: Fri Jun 1 01:42:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nq3q8/someone_told_me_today_to_write_down_my_dream_put/
---
I've been mostly off the restriction for the past few years...but I also feel like crap.
As soon as she said to write down my dream, the only thing I could think of was "be thin."
So I'm going to do it. I'm going to look at that thing every morning and get back to the real me.
[Help] Help! What should I buy to make my fridge look full?
/u/renallyattentive
Created: Fri Jun 1 00:25:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8npqls/help_what_should_i_buy_to_make_my_fridge_look_full/
---
What’s in your fridge that lasts forever and has low binge potential?
I’m sick of people commenting on how empty my fridge is.
just some cute ED talk
/u/facebook42
Created: Fri Jun 1 00:08:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8npndq/just_some_cute_ed_talk/
---
https://i.redd.it/d2s0vad9zb111.jpg
New bracelet, it’s cliche but I feel kinda oddly connected to it?
/u/pinkie-pie-promise
Created: Fri Jun 1 00:07:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8npncl/new_bracelet_its_cliche_but_i_feel_kinda_oddly/
---
https://i.redd.it/vyrhn038zb111.jpg
[Rant/Rave] DAE wish rice had less carbs?
/u/BroItsJesus
Created: Fri Jun 1 00:06:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8npn38/dae_wish_rice_had_less_carbs/
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It's so good at absorbing flavours, so easy to cook and so cheap! But every time I eat it I have to fast for 24 hours just so I don't feel like a fat hog. Ugh, I wish I had like hyperthyroidism
[Discussion] HAPPY PRIDE MONTH (sorta on topic)
/u/rxBootySlayer
Created: Fri Jun 1 00:03:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8npmk8/happy_pride_month_sorta_on_topic/
---
What are you guys doing to celebrate?
I'm going to a 3 day pride celebration next weekend(8th-10th), mostly for Saturday, Kimbra is coming to perform!!! Pride month always gets me motivated though, I see people in outfits I only wish I could pull off... :(
But yea, what are you guys doing this month?
[Discussion] would you guys want a subreddit for restrictive eating disorders?
/u/kingarthersixties
Created: Thu May 31 23:54:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8npkyx/would_you_guys_want_a_subreddit_for_restrictive/
---
Hi, I've seen a lot of comments about people with restrictive eating disorders not feeling like they have anywhere to vent, and I was wondering if you guys would want a subreddit for that? I don't know how creating subreddits work, but if anyone does know and if it's a wanted thing could it happen?
I'm not restrictive, but I can understand how some people might not feel like they can't relate to a lot of the binge posts. There's a subreddit for BingeEatingDisorder and Bulimia which are both pretty active from what I can tell, and there's a subreddit for AnorexiaNervosa but it's not active. Just a thought!
would you guys want a subreddit for restrictive eating disorders?
/u/vanzzem
Created: Thu May 31 23:53:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8npkqt/would_you_guys_want_a_subreddit_for_restrictive/
---
Hi, I've seen a lot of comments about people with restrictive eating disorders not feeling like they have anywhere to vent, and I was wondering if you guys would want a subreddit for that? I don't know how creating subreddits work, but if anyone does know and if it's a wanted thing could it happen?
I'm not restrictive, but I can understand how some people might not feel like they can't relate to a lot of the binge posts. There's a subreddit for BingeEatingDisorder and Bulimia which are both pretty active from what I can tell, and there's a subreddit for AnorexiaNervosa but it's not active. Just a thought!
Random question here!!
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Thu May 31 23:46:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8npjfk/random_question_here/
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Does having anxiety burn extra calories?? (From being tense all the time -- like the only way I can relax is if I consciously order my muscles to relax.)
I don't know how to feel about scales
/u/istancaramelcabbage
Created: Thu May 31 23:42:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8npiti/i_dont_know_how_to_feel_about_scales/
---
I hate scales so much. I literally destroyed my last one in a rage fit because I wasn't the weight that I wanted to be.
Now, I'm thinking of buying a new one because not knowing how much I weigh is killing me. I feel dumb. I don't know if I should.
It's 1 AM and instead of sleeping I wrote a poem about my ED
/u/HappinessIsClose
Created: Thu May 31 23:06:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8npbfx/its_1_am_and_instead_of_sleeping_i_wrote_a_poem/
---
Age-old story, right? It's free verse (which I know isn't everyone's cup of tea) and it probably doesn't make any sense but I guess that's appropriate given how miserable I feel right now. I don't really have anyone else to share this with, so thanks so much for even just clicking; it means a lot. Possible TW.
-
**dysphoria**
-
I feel
bad.
-
Folds and rippling waves of matter
seep into the crevices of
my abdomen
and curl
to form dysphoria
about my being;
like a newspaper tightly wound and held to itself
by a string, and
I desperately pull at it and pull
and pull
but it never loosens
like the seams of my blue dress as it crushes
my skin like a brush
on white canvas
or brown hair.
-
It’s hot
-
I claw
at the textile about my bone
but all that escapes is
a sea of scarlets and reds
that foams
through a fissure of torn
fabric and
frustration
for being unable to tear more,
deeper,
to gouge from my figure a content
that fills me in a way
that makes me want
to cry.
-
I feel
-
contentment deficiency
dysphoria
devoid of a certain
satisfaction
in simple somatic
awareness.
To feel as though one’s
being is larger
than one’s capacity
to feel, and that one cannot, for that,
compensate-
like playing the points of a fork across
a porcelain
plate.
-
bad
Boyfriend feels guilty
/u/DustyKangaroo
Created: Thu May 31 22:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8np53d/boyfriend_feels_guilty/
---
So my boyfriend's been trying to recover from his ED and acknowledges that it hasn't been going well / fell off the bandwagon. (He still doesn't know he's sort of pushed me into a relapse...)
Last night he got wasted, and came to me crying, which he doesn't normally do. It was kind of scary to see him like that.
Anyway. He confessed that he felt fucking guilty as hell for not being able to 'get over' his ED. He said he knows his ED could kill him. We have plans to travel to Europe next summer, and we've casually tossed out ideas of getting married one day, of traveling together and getting a nice house in the mountains someday.
He said he feels bad because he wants all of these things in his life, but he can't let go of his ED, even though he "knows itll kill him" and he said he couldn't handle the guilt of doing that to me, to himself.
He's never expressed these thoughts to me before, and I'm assuming it was partly the alcohol talking, but now I'm a little scared. Hypocritical, maybe, too, considering we're in the same boat, even if he doesn't know it. It just scared me to see him like that, and I don't have anyone else to talk to, because none of our friends know about our EDs.
Ugh. I'm sorry if this didn't make any sense. I'm well on my way to drunk myself and just feel really weird and upset about this.
No matter how much I lose I always return back to the same weight as before.
/u/cheeky-8
Created: Thu May 31 22:27:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8np30b/no_matter_how_much_i_lose_i_always_return_back_to/
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I'm 5'4" and the weight I keep returning to is 127lbs. I've been on a cycle for 5 years of losing down to 120 and gaining up to 135 but always returning to 127. Any one else have an issue with fluctuations? Can't seem to keep it stable.
A little something that brightened my mood
/u/dynamictrashcan
Created: Thu May 31 22:00:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nowq2/a_little_something_that_brightened_my_mood/
---
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iOWqSPJZtmA
[Help] How to get thinspo legs
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Thu May 31 21:25:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nooxq/how_to_get_thinspo_legs/
---
I’m 19F, 5’5”, 115 lbs, bmi 19.1 and I was a softball catcher for about 7 years so I have very toned thighs and fat. But it gets in the way of getting a clear thigh gap. How can I get rid of this?
Why have I seen literally four posts in the past day asking the same thing?
/u/smalll1egend
Created: Thu May 31 21:09:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nolaa/why_have_i_seen_literally_four_posts_in_the_past/
---
About if people without EDs have any idea about how nutrition works...
I get it. The first time, the first post, I agreed. It's surprising how much more I know about food and that nowadays I'd be terrified *not* to know, and how some people are ikay with being fat and seemingly unbothered. But some of the comments I've seen, lambasting people who don't count calories and get fat or even healthy weight people who don't count macros or do CICO (if they're healthy their intuition must be working)... you know that EDs kill more people than any other illness, and that being underweight even without an ED very quickly becomes a health hazard moreso than overweightedness (I think obesity is about the same). I really don't feel like anyone should be feeling superior in here. We're literally killing ourselves -- that's what makes it a disorder. And being fat can be deadly, too, but a lot more slowly and with a much better quality of life in the meanwhile.
Fat people aside, saying that healthy weighted people who think calorie counting is bad are just trying to justify their bingeing? So normal people should all be expected to starve and purge? You know the human race would go extinct if it was entirely like us, right? No one would be fertile, for one.
I get it that it's hard to maintain restriction or fasting. But despite the name, this sub isn't strictly proana.... it's pro ed support. And a lot of the comments I've read are very much pro ana. I've loved what this community has given me in terms of insight and self love towards myself despite my disorder but I really don't want to be involved in a group that justifies what I consider myself to be SUFFERING from. I just hope it doesn't become that. ♡
My mom is being a hypocrite.
/u/100isthegoal
Created: Thu May 31 21:06:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nokmf/my_mom_is_being_a_hypocrite/
---
This morning, I went downstairs for my daily weigh-in and my mom was already up and about so I was like, *shit*. I still really wanted to know my weight, so I stepped on the scale, and she said that it didn't matter whether or not I weighed myself because I am still FAT and me starving myself will put me in "starvation mode", thus leading to weight gain. I was thinking, fuck you bitch, I actually went down a pound from yesterday so don't give me your stupid, unsolicited comment. I hate how she cares even though she's actually overweight (her BMI is 26/27). Today, I had planned to skip dinner after my run, and when I came home, she had already cooked for me despite me not telling her to beforehand! I know I'm being an unappreciative brat, but holy heck I freaked out. She then lectures me on my weight, now saying that I am too THIN and I am very very sick, watching me angrily eat. She believes I am "big-boned" and will never be skinny, which is fatlogic bullshit. Then, I had to go to the gym afterwards to burn off what I ate and I was super pissed since I was already exhausted. I really hate her right now.
Would you consider this Purging?
/u/LnD13313
Created: Thu May 31 21:04:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nok6o/would_you_consider_this_purging/
---
Intentionally eating only fruit knowing it will cause you have diarrhea?
Unrealistic expectations
/u/cananabananabal
Created: Thu May 31 20:45:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nofs7/unrealistic_expectations/
---
So I had vague plans to maybe move to Los Angeles for the past few months, but nothing concrete (which translates to "I have tons of time to lose weight but no real deadline, so nothing will change"). Now it's happening, and I met a roommate over Facebook and I'm moving mid-July - "plenty of time to lose at least 30 pounds". Because LA is...let's face it, I don't want to be the disgusting disgusting weight I am right now when I get there. Not pretty for anyone.
Only problem: she's coming to my city in TWO WEEKS by chance and (sensibly) was like "hey girl let's meet up!". So now I guess I'm fasting as much as possible because I am literally so huge and gross and disgusting, I don't want her to meet a new roommate who looks like me lol. That's not even my ED talking, it's my b/p'ing and alcoholism that's kept me hovering at an overweight/obese BMI for the past year. And she's gorgeous and a normal weight.
Anyone have any similar unrealistic deadlines lately? Like I'm literally like "if I just don't eat maybe I'll lose 30 pounds in two weeks and it'll stay off." (I know better but still think it.) And doing that what if-ness? What if I'd just stuck to restricting a year ago? What if I had even done a normal diet? I'd be a normal weight and still might hate myself but at least I could look in the mirror or try on clothes without crying.
Rant over, I'm just happy I have someplace to rant to about this stuff. This is the only outlet I have where people not only understand but also relate.
grocery shopping for my recovery? what r some foods that won't make me feel morbidly obese ): i truly do want to stop binging and purging?! will eating (healthier) foods make me happy? any meals u suggest for recovery?! anything will help 💖
/u/facebook42
Created: Thu May 31 20:37:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nodyc/grocery_shopping_for_my_recovery_what_r_some/
---
https://i.redd.it/w7i0qmkixa111.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Dealing with insensitive people :(
/u/PerfectPotato100
Created: Thu May 31 20:21:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8noa89/dealing_with_insensitive_people/
---
I've gained 30 pounds within the past 4 months because of binging, bringing me to the highest weight I've ever been at. Even though I feel uncomfortable in my body and I hate the way I look, I constantly reminded myself that although it may seem like I've gained a lot of weight, I'm still in a healthy weight range \(although on the higher end of it.\) I tell myself that I still have all my life to lose that weight SLOWLY and that if I restrict too low, I'll fall into the pattern of binging and restricting again.
A couple days ago, I was with two of my guy friends and somehow, we started talking about the types of girls they like. Then one of them asks the other out of the blue, " Hey, would you rather have a BMI of 99 and weight 100 kg like \*insert my name here\* or a BMI of 13 and weight 36 kg like \*insert name of one of my really thin close friends.\*" I was shocked. My other friend told this guy to shut up and even went as far as to try and cover his mouth before those hurtful words were said, but I still heard everything. I just can't stop thinking about it...I know that he was joking, and I know that I don't actually weigh that much, but it just hurts. It's not the first time he's made fun of me for my weight either...He always reminds me that I weigh more than him even though he's taller, and constantly suggests that it would be a "good idea" for me to skip meals.
What the actual heck?? I know my friend and I know he's a good person at heart, but he just doesn't know my limits even though I've told him MULTIPLE TIMES to stop fat shaming me!! I don't know what to do anymore...I don't want to stop being friends with him because our good memories out weigh the bad ones, but sometimes I just can't deal with the self\-hatred he makes me feel.
Did anyone else grow up really poor and do you think it played a part in your ED?
/u/tjking333
Created: Thu May 31 19:57:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8no4hg/did_anyone_else_grow_up_really_poor_and_do_you/
---
I grew up poor to the point where we literally had no food at all at some points. I still have really bad food anxiety over it
[Help] Hair?!
/u/gpbean
Created: Thu May 31 19:54:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8no3xt/hair/
---
Do you sometimes feel like your hair not only falls, but it also doesn’t grow? Or takes longer to grow? Have you taken any vitamins or supplements for it to grow faster?
who's up for a 24 hr fast?
/u/rosycactus
Created: Thu May 31 19:35:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nnzkp/whos_up_for_a_24_hr_fast/
---
I'm just finishing my delightful time of the month and had a not so healthy day today. I just want to reset with a quick fast. Also, I'm kinda sad about my appearance in general today weight aside. Sucks being fugly.
Epiphany
/u/RootBeerSoup
Created: Thu May 31 19:35:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nnzhm/epiphany/
---
Trying to recover, but really.
I started carrying around a little blue book. It's a place to put all my disordered thoughts so that they stop crashing around in my head. Sometimes, I can't tell if the thought is disordered and it's nice to have some distance between myself and them. It's been almost two months since I started therapy, and the thoughts have become more spread out, more able to be reasoned with. Yet, every day I still had the thought, "I need to lose weight."
Today, I was caught up in trying to set career and life goals, and I came to the conclusion that losing weight doesn't fit into that. In fact, starving myself actively gets in the way of things that are important to me.
This is my victory for today. I fully expect the thoughts to come back tomorrow. It's nice to know that maybe one day the scale won't rule.
Cheers to everyone out there! Whatever your current victories are. Whatever your current struggles are. I'm so happy this place exists to share in the hell that is fighting mind every single day.
[Other] Detailed description of where my body will be in two weeks (I'm not far)
/u/FitCelery3
Created: Thu May 31 19:29:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nny3j/detailed_description_of_where_my_body_will_be_in/
---
June 2018.
Abdomen: I have an abdomen that has two sharp lines down the middle and one horizontal line. The "V" is sharp and has veins and a little fuzz on it from being very thin. My waist is around 22". It's obviously missing any sort of fat, and under my defined ribs, my waste is tight coming in.
Chest: I have bones in my chest that cast shadows.
Legs: my thigh gap is about an inch and a half wide when I'm standing straight up. My knees are knobby but I have great calf angles. My quads also tighten in at the knees. If I flex a little, my quads and Hams are very visible. They are my favorite body part. When I sleep, my knees rub together. My hip bones jet out when I take a bath.
Shoulders: my shoulder blades are visible and in lighting from above, they have all kinds of angles. Because of my weight training regimen, I have pretty defined traps.
Arms: My shoulders cast shadows on my arms creating a shredded look. When I put my left arm on my hip, there's a bulging vein over my bicep. My forearms are very veiny underneath and tiny. They are frail looking but not sick.
Weight: I am 97 pounds.
[Help] How to deal with facing recovery when you really dont want too ?
/u/borris000
Created: Thu May 31 19:16:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nnv3e/how_to_deal_with_facing_recovery_when_you_really/
---
My mum and sister have been suspicious of my weight loss. I was taken to the doctor again today and my bmi was measured (18.1). The doctor said anything under 20 was underweight ??? He gave my mum all these outpatient programs and she is taking me next week. I am terrified of gaining weight. I actually like how I look now and I feel like a total fraud because I dont even want to lose anymore. I am terrified that the outpatient place wont be happy until I am over bmi 20.
I guess the only thing I am okay with is that the treatment is free..I feel like I would die if mum spent money on me over this.
I had to get this off my chest.
What am I supposed to do?
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Thu May 31 19:15:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nnuwb/what_am_i_supposed_to_do/
---
So I definitely ate too much today, about 2000 calories. I felt light headed after working out and convinced myself it was ok but I'm kicking myself for that. I've never purged before and I never want to so what do I do. Why did I eat so much? This is awful.
[Other] Saw myself on the front page
/u/aisha7
Created: Thu May 31 18:24:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nnis2/saw_myself_on_the_front_page/
---
https://i.redd.it/7pnmvs5z9a111.jpg
Bulimia vs teeth whitening
/u/FeedMeDreams
Created: Thu May 31 18:23:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nnig2/bulimia_vs_teeth_whitening/
---
Has anyone tried to bleach their teeth while still purging?
[Rant/Rave] i can't stop binging
/u/fluxoldrums
Created: Thu May 31 18:21:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nni21/i_cant_stop_binging/
---
it's been over a week and i just can't stop. i restricted for a few days and then just started binging and i haven't stopped i usually can after a couple days but i just can't now. i was literally drooling while eating a snickers in the store today:-( i'm so upset and i've gone from 103 to 108 idk how to stop binging on everything. it's not even good food just whatever there is mixed together and it sucks
Why do I feel so immensely guilty?
/u/2worried2care
Created: Thu May 31 17:45:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nn94i/why_do_i_feel_so_immensely_guilty/
---
I don't have clinical until 1pm on Thursdays, so I usually work out in the mornings before I go. Today was the last day for this rotation, so we were supposed to get done early. I looked at the spin class schedule and saw a Cycle + Flow class (spin and yoga) for this evening that I would probably be able to make as long as we actually got out early. I didn't register for the class before clinical because I wanted to make sure I'd be able to attend. I was getting antsy this morning though, so I also went on the elliptical for about 25 minutes just in case. Then I walked 1 mile to the train and to clinical, walked around the hospital for a few hours, and got let out at 5:30, plenty early enough for the class. Then I walked another mile to the train and home, resulting in roughly 15,000 steps walked today. But it was so muggy on my walk home I could feel myself getting lightheaded and I know I'm dehydrated and I just don't think I have it in me to go to this class.
We also had a mini-celebration at clinical, where everyone brought in food to share. I had some cut up plantains, 3 spoonfuls of rice, 2 pieces of pepperoni with 2 small squares of colby jack cheese, and half a slice of pepperoni bread. I avoided the cookies and munchkins completely. I have no idea how many calories I ate, and that's stressing me out too. Then after my walk home, I was so hungry so I ate soup.
I know rationally that it's good for me to rest tonight and I did some exercise but my ED brain is screaming at me for being so lazy. I just needed to get this off my chest, sorry for the long post.
[humor] - I’m thinking of having some things removed...
/u/Goodmorningfatty
Created: Thu May 31 16:43:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nmse4/humor_im_thinking_of_having_some_things_removed/
---
Just things I don’t need.. or want in my body.. I mean fat.. of course.. but beyond that... like my uterus.. I don’t need that right? How much does a uterus weigh? I bet I could reach my ultimate goal weight if I had that useless fucker removed.. and who needs two kidneys? What else could I get removed?? I’m sure a few ribs could be spared.. lol spare ribs!?!? Omg I think I’m hilarious.. problem is I’m joking... but also not jolking.
Is there a fatlogic circlejerk sub?
/u/ChubbyBunny8
Created: Thu May 31 16:38:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nmr80/is_there_a_fatlogic_circlejerk_sub/
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Does anyone know?
[Discussion] Packing lunch to avoid temptation?
/u/qncg
Created: Thu May 31 16:26:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nmo9a/packing_lunch_to_avoid_temptation/
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So, my new job is amazing, but I will be working through most of my waking hours many days. If you pack a lunch to avoid the vending machine/fast food/catered lunch temptation, what is your go-to meal? Preferably super filling and super cheap, but all suggestions welcome.
it's so scary how fast the habits and urges come back
/u/iamnotanuglygod
Created: Thu May 31 16:23:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nmnms/its_so_scary_how_fast_the_habits_and_urges_come/
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last year-january of this year i was on keto for a few months, and during that i would consume maybe 500-700 calories a day. i felt okay doing that. i got off keto after january for a little while, then got back on it for about a month and consumed 500-700 calories a day, again. i got off it AGAIN and ate like a "normal" person, like 1000+ calories a day for a little while, but day before yesterday i felt like i just needed to stop. i decided to start restricting, so yesterday i consumed somewhere in the ballpark of 600-700 calories and today i consumed 800-900 calories. i already feel so disgusting admitting that i've even eaten that much, and i feel like i've completely relapsed into my ed (i don't even know if i feel comfortable saying i have an ed). i just feel horrible all around, like i'm eating way too much and i feel disappointed that i feel hungry. i don't know. sorry i just started rambling. i hope this makes sense.
Know what I love?
/u/54y95s785
Created: Thu May 31 16:04:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nmiru/know_what_i_love/
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How big my eyes look while I'm restricting. I've been fasting for three days now, and they look so much better than they did before. Not sure if this is my mind playing tricks on me, but it sure is nice (even if I haven't yet lost weight after not eating for three days -.- )
[Rant/Rave] Dealing with hurtful comment on my weight :(
/u/picasso_baby
Created: Thu May 31 15:23:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nm83z/dealing_with_hurtful_comment_on_my_weight/
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Kinda need some support from people who understand.. my friend made a nasty comment about my weight today and it’s completely shocked me and took me by surprise.
She hasn’t seen me in about a week, when she saw me she was a bit annoyed with me over something else and then she said I look different.. my instant paranoid thought is that I’ve gained weight and I look fat..
I asked her why I look different, said maybe it’s my makeup, or the outfit I’m wearing, or my hair. Cos she didn’t say I look different in a bad way so I didn’t want to jump to conclusions.
She said “no it’s not that, I don’t want to tell you cos you will get upset”. Internally I start panicking but I keep calm and say “now I definitely want to know, please just tell me cos otherwise I’m gonna be paranoid about what it is”.
She said “you’ve gained weight”, I asked “oh my god is it that bad?” (Trying to do a normal person reaction), she said “Yes it’s noticeable... but it’s ok” then she just left!!
I was shocked, it’s like all my worst nightmares and fears coming true.
By the way I have gained a little weight but only a few lb and it’s been gradual.. my BMI is in the healthy range. I don’t mind if my friend had noticed I gained a bit of weight and was concerned about me and approached it in a kind and sensitive way.. but it’s like she deliberately did it in a way which made me worried about what it was, then made me push her to say.
When I suggested it was my hair/makeup/outfit she had plenty of opportunity to be kind but she chose to take the unkind option :/ it’s like she wanted to hurt me.
She knows I have eating problems and low body confidence, she’s seen me crying trying to get ready for a night out because I hate how all my clothes look on me and I don’t want to go out because I feel too fat.
I feel like complete and utter shit. I’m doing my final exams and I gave myself a “free pass” to allow myself to not worry about my weight until I’ve finished my last exam, because if I don’t do well in these exams I’ve wasted 3 years of my life at university and I’ve already lost so much because of my eating problems I was terrified it would happen again. For once I felt like something was more important than my weight..
And now it’s back to my weight being more important than revising because instead of working I’m sat in my room crying, looking in the mirror comparing myself to old photos and comparing my current measurements against past ones. I feel like I’m losing my mind cos I’m so upset.
I desperately need to go and revise, and get over this one stupid nasty comment! Please let me know I’m not crazy for being this upset.. and any tips on how to not take the comment to heart?
Actually it was a really bad timing for the comment as well cos I’d just been to the gym and on my way home I went to the shop and bought lots of fruits and berries, cucumber (for the fake watermelon snack; cucumber with sweetener sprinkled on it), zero calorie energy drink and sugar free chewing gum. Peak ED shopping basket. So her comment was made at the worst time 🙃
What are your lives like? Do you get excited for things outside ED? the chicken or the egg? Hellpppppppppppppp
/u/hardyzafon
Created: Thu May 31 15:08:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nm3vo/what_are_your_lives_like_do_you_get_excited_for/
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I am so depressed unless I'm losing. It keeps me going but at some point you need to stop. Last time, when I hit my lw, I just swapped the ''dopamine'' of starving and losing for the dopamine of bulimia and gained enough to be ok and now here I am losing again. The thing is; I've tried medication, exercise, ''accomplishments'' and for now the only thing that has been ''enough'' is losing. But I know it eventually stops being enough/you have to stop. Drugs and alcohol are also tempting, but they can also make me much worse so I stay away. How do you guys live? Not really an ED question but I just feel so empty and flat and uncomfortable all the time, not looking forward to anything at all nor getting satisfaction, only from seeing a lower number (that also is starting to fade) or veeeeery momentarily from b/p but I don't even do it lately cause I don't even get that hit anymore. I wish I had someone to tell me what to do to be ok. I have read waaaay too much ''scientific'' self help bull on what makes humans happy but it won't work.
Can anyone tell me what to expect in PHP/Residential?
/u/anhedonicandlaconic
Created: Thu May 31 15:08:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nm3tr/can_anyone_tell_me_what_to_expect_in/
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My treatment team is telling me I need to go residential if I want to get better and PHP at minimum if I can't do residential right now.
Can anybody be share their experience/tell me what to expect? How long would I be in there for?
[Discussion] Is the weight setpoint a real thing?
/u/cisheterpatriarchy
Created: Thu May 31 15:07:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nm3m3/is_the_weight_setpoint_a_real_thing/
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I've been doing some research and came across this thing called a weight setpoint which I had no clue about, it basically is a theory about how everyone's body has a natural weight they should be at and that you can't eat normally and be below that weight.
I'm not sure what mine is because the last time I remember eating intuitively was when I was 12. But also I remember a period of eating intuitively a few months ago when I was trying to fix my BED, where I was borderline overweight.
So there's people claiming that calorie counting is bullshit and as long as you eat when you're hungry you will maintain your healthy natural weight setpoint because your body fights to be at that weight no matter what. I saw this girl who claims she eats 3000 calories a day (which she says is way above her TDEE) who maintains her weight.
I suppose it would explain the whole 'naturally skinny' thing. I just find it absurd that people can say CICO doesn't work
It kind of scares me, as does the whole 'slow metabolism' thing. I want to recover and eat normally, it would be nice if I could do that now but I feel like I don't want to eat normally until I'm skinny... so this claim that I'll gain back all the weight when I stop restricting because my metabolism will be ruined is terrifying.
Idk, what do you guys think about it? Complete myth or true?
[Discussion] do regular people know nothing about nutrition/health?
/u/audreybelle_
Created: Thu May 31 15:06:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nm3c7/do_regular_people_know_nothing_about/
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not exactly ed related, but i’ve been reading youtube comments in a video of a girl who’s lost weight, and i’m realizing that these people no idea how weight loss works. one comment says “cutting calories is actually really bad for you because it’s not the calories that make you gain weight. calories are what feeds your brain and give you energy. it’s the fat and sugar in processed foods that make you gain weight.” i don’t understand how people are so clueless. how can you NOT know that calories are what cause weight gain?
[Discussion] Does anyone else here loving having small boobs?
/u/loveyoulotspolkadots
Created: Thu May 31 14:40:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nlvyi/does_anyone_else_here_loving_having_small_boobs/
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[Rant/Rave] Room mate food rant
/u/handzies
Created: Thu May 31 14:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nlvn4/room_mate_food_rant/
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If you have BED, this might offend you, but I need to vent about this disordered side of myself. It's just part of a knowingly horribly part of myself. It's food fear please dont take it personally. I cannot talk about this to people in real life but I need this rant so bad.
Now that the disclaimer is aside.
I got set with a random room mate in my living arrangement and the girl I have ended up living with is morbidly obease. 300+ pounds. Broke our toilet from sitting on it and can only take baths. It. Is. So. Triggering. She is sweet as can be and very kind, but she is also somehow everything I am afraid of. She makes my food anxiety go insane.
The thing that really drives me up the wall though is seeing how much food she eats and what kind. We share a fridge and I have a small corner of it for my eggs, lettuce, soymilk, and yogurt, the rest of the fridge is over flowing with her food. And she some how manages to put my utmost fear foods next to my foods. I will go to have a meal and there is a jar of mayo I cant even bring myself to touch blocking my food. I sat in front of the fridge and cried one night because she had my food completely blocked in. My food fear can be a little extreme, if it's a fear food for me I can't touch it or often stand to look at it even.
She also will go on these MASSIVE binges like you only see on tv. When I see the aftermath in the kitchen I am just too grossed out to eat. For example this morning it was a whole can of jumbo cinnamon rolls, several fully dressed hotdogs, cake, cereal, sandwichs, half a container of Oreos, and a whole bag of chips. Typeing that put was hard for me. As im trying to leave for work there she is in her food covered pajamas on the couch. It's horrifying.
Now she has taken to asking me for health advice and I just really can't provide that! I'm trying right now to get better by doctors orders (aka eating 3 meals a day and taking my iron.) I can't just move out, but I also cant quit eating. But I will lose my mind if I see her eat a whole nother cake by herself on our couch.
[Help] Really confused
/u/HEJPADIGMONIKAMMMMM
Created: Thu May 31 14:12:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nlnx4/really_confused/
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So, I’ve recently gained weight because I tried to recover (not going well) and I’m at a healthy weight now, actually a little more than when I started going down the path of my ed. But I’m very confused as I am generally a lot skinnier now than what I was at my lowest weight, yet I can’t fit into any of my old jeans? But literally when I look at myself, I look the same as what I was at my lowest/smaller even. It’s really frustrating and I’d like insight as to why this is haha. My family even say that I look just as small as before.
Hmmm
/u/alexis-ruth
Created: Thu May 31 13:50:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nlhi0/hmmm/
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Yeah went shopping the other day and made an effort to buy healthier food and snacks instead of junk so I wouldn’t be tempted with it. But now I’m high and as soon as my boyfriend leaves for work I’m gonna go buy a bunch of shit for a sugary binge.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaā
[Rant/Rave] Why do I do this to myself
/u/marshnellow
Created: Thu May 31 13:40:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nleea/why_do_i_do_this_to_myself/
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I binged on instant noodles and chocolate spread and crackers and now I only have 916cals allocated left to eat for the next 4 days
Kill me
[Rant/Rave] I get so much comfort feeling my bones
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Thu May 31 13:31:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nlbmr/i_get_so_much_comfort_feeling_my_bones/
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I’m not even underweight, like 13 lbs from it and I’m pretty much skinny fat buuuuuut I’m pretty bony in some parts
You can’t see the bones on my chest but I can feel them when I’m not bloated and I am constantly rubbing my chest or my collar bones, esp if I’m stressed. Or constantly feeling my hip bones to make sure they’re still there and to affirm I’m not fat. My spine is another one, I don’t know if it’s visible but I’m always feeling it but idk maybe everyone can feel their spine?
The other day I was laying in bed and it felt like I was legit laying on something hard and nope it was just my tail bone and wow it made me so happy.
On and my shoulder bones and elbows too.
I wish I could stop fucking eating now
Anyone else never was overwheight?
/u/Bookeisha
Created: Thu May 31 13:23:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nl9i3/anyone_else_never_was_overwheight/
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In fact, the highest weight I've ever been was a BMI of 20.83 when I officially relapsed 7 months ago.
Growing up, I felt SO insecure about my skinniness to the point I would avoid mirrors for days on out of disgust. I started working out at 15 weighting 55 kg for a height of 178 cm. That was BMI of 17.4 y'all, I felt true shame back then but would DIE to go back to that weight now! Ugh. The true irony.
I honestly blame my surroundings growing up. People were ALWAYS commenting on my body and mocking it and saying things like "do you even eat", "you eat like a bird", "look at your waist, are you trying to look like a girl?" etc. I was known as the "really skinny kid". In hindsight, there was A LOT of projection going on and I wish they had just stfu. I was fine and it would've saved me years of useless self-hate. I've always been a perfectionist/people-pleaser and didn't really have a thick skin back then so I took those comments pretty hard.
My disordered eating started as a copping mechanism. My anxiety got so bad I just stopped eating. Literally, just like that. One day I realised it'd been 24 hours since I had my last meal and decided to just keep going. That's when I discovered the hunger euphoria that would numb all my stress and feelings and opened the box of pandora. Soon after that, I started obsessing about body fat %, calories and everything. :/
Workout challenge
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Thu May 31 13:11:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nl5wm/workout_challenge/
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Blogilates just posted a new beginners workout calendar. 28 days and the 7th day of each week is a rest day. Does anyone want to do it with me? 😊😊
Are you guys vegan or low carb
/u/sabadr
Created: Thu May 31 12:44:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nkxo0/are_you_guys_vegan_or_low_carb/
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Oat bran (x-post r/EDFood)
/u/dotprinceton
Created: Thu May 31 12:08:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nkn0y/oat_bran_xpost_redfood/
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I really like oatmeal. The way I make it super disordered is by putting two tablespoons of old fashioned oats in a bowl and then filling the bowl the rest of the way with boiled water \(so a ton of water compared to the oats\). I spoon and drink the water until I get down to the small amount of oats, zap them for a few seconds in the microwave, and eat. \(It takes me a while to get through the water and then the oats \- I like to take my time.\)
When I'm eating oatmeal like this, it separates pretty fully from the water. The water rises to the top, the oats at the bottom \(though there's a slight oaty flavor to the water\). Would oat bran act the same way, mostly sinking to the bottom? I'm not sure if its texture would react the same way, which is what I like. Anyone have any experience with this? Based on calorie count and fiber content, oat bran looks like a winner \- I just hope I could still add as much water as I like.
An anorexic nudist artist empowers women to love their bodies (VIDEO)
/u/KeeganMccoll
Created: Thu May 31 11:44:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nkfup/an_anorexic_nudist_artist_empowers_women_to_love/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYd2iPP_ZbA
I feel inadequate
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Thu May 31 11:25:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nka3i/i_feel_inadequate/
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I’m overweight. That sentence alone makes me feel like I don’t /really/ have an ED. Like I need to be thin or at least normal weight before I can say I do. And I know that’s not the case but I can’t help but feel fake while posting here. DAE ever feel that way?
[Discussion] DAE keep changing their UGW?
/u/monstersona
Created: Thu May 31 11:13:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nk6kz/dae_keep_changing_their_ugw/
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When I started restricting again my ugw was 130. Then it was 120. Then it was 110-115. Now its 97. It sort of scares me because I'm worried about what happens if I keep dropping it, but the idea of being that small makes me so euphoric. Can anyone relate?
[Rant/Rave] It’s my birthday and I’m miserable
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Thu May 31 11:09:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nk5dg/its_my_birthday_and_im_miserable/
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It’s my 16th birthday and I honestly just wish I was dead. My parents are making me go back to treatment and on the 7th my doctor called a family meeting to basically decide where I’m going. All I wanted for today was to get my school shit done, go to the gym, and then eat cake and purge. That’s all I fucking ask for but now I can’t even go to the gym anymore and my meals have to be supervised. I feel hopeless.
[Help] DAE deal with embarrassing stomach growls?
/u/megamorphaseez
Created: Thu May 31 11:01:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nk2uh/dae_deal_with_embarrassing_stomach_growls/
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I recently had my work orientation for a new job in insurance. It was only about 10 of us in the orientation room and there was lots of silent parts where the presenter was flipping through slides or trying to find a video and my stomach would gurgle and growl and it was so so so so so embarrassing. Anyone else deal with this or have any tips for helping stomach growls without too many calories? I know it's because I'm hungry but I don't mind hunger. But my growls are insane.
[Discussion] Which body part do you hate most, no matter how much you weigh?
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Thu May 31 10:59:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nk22r/which_body_part_do_you_hate_most_no_matter_how/
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For me, it's my ribcage. It's huge. It looks disproportionate when compared to my body. Even if I get down to a tiny weight, I still look fat because I can't get smaller than my bones. And if I get to a higher weight, my top half looks even worse since I look very top\-heavy, even though my weight distributes pretty evenly. I can't wear any loose shirts when I want to feel more covered/hidden otherwise I look even bigger. Are you the same or do you hate a different part of your body?
[Help] I feel like I am losing my ed and it’s terrifying
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Thu May 31 10:43:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8njxm4/i_feel_like_i_am_losing_my_ed_and_its_terrifying/
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If anyone has been noticing my posts this past week you know I started wellbutrin and not have I had a lot of thoughts about it.
Instead of having constant racing thoughts regarding my ed now all I can think about is killing myself. I am so depressed that I don’t even care about my eating disorder. I’m not focused on food all the time anymore and I’m not as scared to eat and I don’t feel the need to fast bc I just don’t fucking care about anything. But at the same time I am terrified to gain weight and that will fuel my depression more sooooo what the fuck do I do.
I have ate the past four nights! I’m still doing omad but eating whatever I want at night. Yesterday I truly wasn’t hungry but smoking weed actually gave me an appetite and improved my mood a lot which was cool (those are the obvious outcomes of smoking weed but I’m a regular smoker so I usually don’t experience those effects anymore)
But now I’m awake and stuck in my fucking sadness and I don’t want to be alive and my only solace would be starving at the same time, but I’m not. I’m eating like a normal person. And I’ll prob eat tonight bc what’s the point of not.
Miraculously my weight has stayed the same all week but what about when I start gaining or what if my period comes back. Then I’ll feel like a fucking failure. I probably have to delete this app bc it’s just making me feel worse about my lack of caring about not eating.
I’m praying they up my dose or something and it actually helps and kills my appetite for real bc fuck this. If it were not for how much it would hurt everyone around me I wouldn’t be here anymore.
100.4 this morning.
/u/MissMagus
Created: Thu May 31 10:43:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8njxhq/1004_this_morning/
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Seems surreal.
I've never been this small.
However i feel like ass this morning...my chest hurts, my abs hurt from purging, my head hurts, my throat hurts, and I have sores in my mouth along with hella chapped lips. I am literally shitting coffee, and im so weak I can hardly stand up without feeling dizzy. Fun times.
I know I should eat something and keep it down but deciding what to eat is killin me. Stressin me out badddd.
BUT HEY AT LEAST IM 100 NOW RIGHT? /s
[Discussion] DAE Feel Unworthy Of Certain ED Medias?
/u/HonestSpeak
Created: Thu May 31 10:13:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8njp1o/dae_feel_unworthy_of_certain_ed_medias/
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Sorry, title sucks so let me elaborate.
Sometimes, I'm just minding my own business in life, and then I see an ED-related video on YouTube or something, and I force myself to get as far from it as possible because I'm not truly anorexic yet because I am still 35lbs away from my UGW.
DAE relate to this, because I swear even if I had only eaten 3 mints that day I always feel unworthy and fake when I see other people in media struggling with EDs.
''depression'' after binge trumps absolutely everything, irrational
/u/hardyzafon
Created: Thu May 31 09:52:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8njiif/depression_after_binge_trumps_absolutely/
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I have been either maintaining a weight I'm comfortable with or slowly losing and my mood has been so much better. Yesterday, I had a mini-binge (mini compared to how my binges used to be, had 4 chocolate covered rice cakes, one whole bowl of cereal and a pita bread) and couldn't purge because of parents. Today my weight was only slightly up but I am so miserable. Today I had the last exam of my degree, my logical brain had to literally force me to go and it was ok so I guess I've finished my degree and I feel nothing but depression when I'm sure if I had been fasting or restricting I would feel elated. I am so low, when I do this is like I don't wanna be in this world. I'm gonna fast for four days and then restrict. So not worth it and so irrational!
[Rant/Rave] rant/rave Guess I'm still a pothead... (tangentially ED related)
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf
Created: Thu May 31 08:05:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nio35/rantrave_guess_im_still_a_pothead_tangentially_ed/
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I haven't actively restricted in so long... thanks to cannabis. It chills me out in the evening and lets me enjoy food. I still can't ever allow myself to weigh more than 121 - that's my absolute cutoff - but I don't worry about trying to weigh as little as possible.
I stopped smoking 15 days ago so I can apply for new jobs. Since then I've lost 9lbs and am currently weighing in around 110. I took an at-home test this morning and I STILL TESTED FUCKING POSITIVE! I should know better than to rely on non-scientific anecdotes, but I read one about a girl who weighed 117 and was clean in 12 days after heavy smoking. Like, I only weighed 2lbs more than that, LOST WEIGHT, have been exercising and drinking tons of water. Ughh. I'm really unhappy in my current job and I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels instead of doing some to actively change my situation. It'll be fine... I just needed to rant about it. Fuck the USA - I'm in a state where it's legal recreationally and medically, and yet I'm still a worthless unemployable loser if I take advantage of a substance that makes my life a little better.
The cycle of Alcohol and lack of self esteem
/u/gunpowdermouth
Created: Thu May 31 08:00:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nimv2/the_cycle_of_alcohol_and_lack_of_self_esteem/
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I am dying on the inside and on the outside. My body feels like a sausage that is about to bust out of its thin casing.
I have gained 60 pounds....yes you read that correctly, 60 pounds in the past year. I have no self esteem so I drink to feel better. I see I’m gaining weight so I drink to forget about it and the cycle just keeps going. I am at a loss. I need to get back on track. I’m at my highest weight ever and I’m miserable every damn day. I refuse to go buy bigger clothes because I feel like it’s accepting the fact that I’m a bucket of lard.
I need help. I need motivation. I need to get back on track. Help me. Please.
[Rant/Rave] I can't handle that I have gained weight.
/u/avarice235
Created: Thu May 31 07:49:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nijvj/i_cant_handle_that_i_have_gained_weight/
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After a bad breakup and over rough beginning to the year, I gained twenty pounds. It took me years to lose the weight, and I just gained it all back without even a thought due to bingeing. I hate myself so much. I look like a doughy snowman.
Food diary day 5
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Thu May 31 07:21:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nicxo/food_diary_day_5/
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Good morning everyone! What’s this?? A breakfast not at lunch time. Lol I have a little downtime this morning at work so let’s dive in. Today I had a glass of chocolate almond milk and the rest of my bagel from yesterday (I can’t stand food waste!) which came out to 265. I’m going to keep this short so I’ll see you lovelies at lunch time! 💜
Weekly Emotional Support May 31, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 31 06:11:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nhwmx/weekly_emotional_support_may_31_2018/
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We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 31, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 31 06:10:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nhwas/daily_food_diary_may_31_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for May 31, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Update to disappointing morning
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Thu May 31 06:05:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nhv8m/update_to_disappointing_morning/
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Well I finally snuck my scale into the house and hid it safely away in my room. I weighed myself but I couldn’t go to the bathroom beforehand but oh well. I don’t think that would really make much of a difference and I’m also on a schedule for that sort of. Anyways y’all we So right about the clothes! They added a pound and half. Not that that’s too much better but still! So I’m now at 158.5. I’m going for a run this afternoon if the weather clears up so that’ll be lol.
Sex drive is killing me
/u/slip_n_slice
Created: Thu May 31 04:59:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nhh8t/sex_drive_is_killing_me/
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Im 3 days into a literal nothing but water and monster zero fast and i was propositioned by a very freak friend for a night of weird fun.
Im game, if only because im so fucking wired.
We did do the deed and both got ours, but i know we could have gotten so much weird stuff in if i didnt literally die after my grande finale.
They wanted more, i wanted more. We settled for cuddles. Heck this crap. I know if i had eaten if have been fine but i didnt want to break my fast ;-;
[Goal] New LW!
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Thu May 31 04:00:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nh6q6/new_lw/
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Woke up this morning feeling dizzy and stomach cramps - I was so tempted to binge! But I did the whole morning routine of get out of bed - pee - weigh myself, and I’m in the low 100’s for the first time! 109lbs. I feel euphoric and I just can’t wait to lose more. Buuuut it’s a family birthday and I’m pretty sure my family want to get takeaway 🙃 rip
[Rant/Rave] It finally happened
/u/monstersona
Created: Thu May 31 02:52:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ngv9w/it_finally_happened/
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Someone FINALLY asked if I lost weight. I've lost just about twenty pounds, and I didn't think anyone was ever going to notice. I thought I was going to be stuck this size forever, even at 97. But today my boyfriend and I's coworker asked "Did you lose weight?" and I said "I don't know. Why?" and he said "because it definitely looks like you did." I just said "oh" because I didn't want him to realize how fucking ECSTATIC I AM!!!!!! SOMEONE IS FINALLY NOTICING MY PROGRESS I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY
[Discussion] Follow up, DAE have s/os that are supportive of your disorder?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Thu May 31 02:50:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nguyv/follow_up_dae_have_sos_that_are_supportive_of/
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Im actually kind of happy. It's probably really damaging but i love him to death and im alright with it. Like does anyone else's s/o know you have a disorder and supports you further into it in not necessarily a mean way? Yikes. Kinda hope i die tmr but i want to see how far this'll go.
Just some appreciation for you lovely people :3
/u/A_Little_Princess_
Created: Thu May 31 02:47:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ngueg/just_some_appreciation_for_you_lovely_people_3/
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I feel like while I still have highly disordered eating and am a complete dumpster fire, I've reduced the amount of harm I've done to my body thanks to you lovely people. :3 Since lurking I definitely have more energy and have noticed that my body feels more taken care of without too much of a sacrifice weight loss wise. It's also just super nice to know there are other people out there who get it. This is one of the nicest corners of the internet.
Finally a good excuse for bingeing
/u/avocado4life
Created: Thu May 31 02:27:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ngr9n/finally_a_good_excuse_for_bingeing/
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https://i.redd.it/l8ipzk1w92111.jpg
[Discussion] Just found out I’m not the only one at work.
/u/pickles023
Created: Thu May 31 02:18:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ngpwv/just_found_out_im_not_the_only_one_at_work/
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So I accidentally walked in on one of my coworkers purging. I work with him almost every night, and now I don’t really know what to say to him now. Do I talk to him about it? I don’t really know if I’ll come off as an asshole/hypocrite. I’m just far too awkward to deal with this situation, and technically as his manager I’m supposed to report this to my manager. I’m not gonna do that, but I don’t really know what to do.
He told me he knows about my Ed. According to him it’s pretty obvious? So I’m kind of panicking about that, because I thought I hid it pretty well.
Its been a while. I guess i am back
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed
Created: Thu May 31 01:57:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ngmdy/its_been_a_while_i_guess_i_am_back/
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On mobile please flair as rant or rave.
I used to post more regularly here but stopped because i didnt feel welcome. I have tried to recover but it is hard. I am binging and drinking more. I lost some weight but i still feel alone and dead inside. My parents are on a fitness kick and its triggering. I might be anemic again. I work long hours and graze all day and feel like i dont know how to eat like normal people and never will. I feel so alone.
I am here though and dont know what that means.
💜 Willow.
Could use some success stories right now
/u/Arakance
Created: Thu May 31 00:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ng3s7/could_use_some_success_stories_right_now/
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Any kind of successes, not just weight loss (but yes I'd like to hear those too), whether it's turning your shitty grades back around, breaking out of a B/P cycle, making new friends, whatever. I'm kind of in a rut right now, and I'd really use some inspiration.
I gained back most of the weight I lost last semester, so I'm kind of just I spent more time purging than I did studying and it was all for nothing if I can't get my life back on track.
[Help] Does anyone know where to get ipecac syrup?
/u/pickles023
Created: Wed May 30 23:41:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nfwna/does_anyone_know_where_to_get_ipecac_syrup/
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I used to buy it at Walgreens, but the pharmacist says they’re not selling it anymore.
[Other] it’s meeeeee
/u/katieburrito
Created: Wed May 30 23:21:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nfqlv/its_meeeeee/
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https://i.redd.it/onzrfn3c94111.jpg
[Rant/Rave] 1200isplenty at it again
/u/PsychoticGiggles
Created: Wed May 30 23:21:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nfqgd/1200isplenty_at_it_again/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/1200isplenty/comments/8na3zf/when_youve_weighed_and_measured_out_your/?utm_source=reddit-android
i hate this...
/u/dramatical_error
Created: Wed May 30 23:07:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nfmik/i_hate_this/
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How to deal with people constantly offering you food. Like I'm trying so hard to control myself, and with people rubbing junk all over my face and tempting me, it's just impossible! Like one time, I just stated point blank that I'm trying to diet and the next thing you know, they offer me a burger and pizza. I'm the type of person who can control herself, but if there's food right in front of me, and people force feeding it to you (no joke, they hovered the food over my mouth) its just too difficult!
Please send tips in the comments about how to stay on a diet when people around you, even your family members love junk food.
P.S. my stomach is way too full rn.
Weight increase
/u/Jwish91
Created: Wed May 30 23:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nfl4j/weight_increase/
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I was just weighed at the doctor and I’m 5kg heavier than my scales at home. The doctor also told me what my weight was when I didn’t want to know. This just makes me want to restrict and exercise even more. Wtf. Has this happened to anyone else? What did you do? I’m freaking out
[Other] its meeeeee
/u/katieburrito
Created: Wed May 30 22:54:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nfivc/its_meeeeee/
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https://i.redd.it/za63kyd8z3111.jpg
I want to quit therapy
/u/Chaiteathaichi
Created: Wed May 30 22:25:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nfbp7/i_want_to_quit_therapy/
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I don’t want to do it anymore. I’ve completed one year of therapy. I started meds. I’ve tried to stop using behaviors. But I honestly can’t do it anymore. I feel so fat and disgusting. I can’t take it. I look like a whale and am told that I look normal for my body type. But I am fat. Even by medical standards I’m overweight. And knowing that I’m overweight and being told that losing more weight would not look right on me is so horribly triggering. I feel so pressured to try to recover because I’m in therapy. But I don’t want this anymore- and so what’s the point in going.
why’s my girlfriends weight bother me??
/u/aicilalavender
Created: Wed May 30 22:13:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nf8il/whys_my_girlfriends_weight_bother_me/
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okay i don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me and i’m too ashamed to talk about it with anyone. soo here i am. help me out.
so i’m in recovery for my ED and PTSD and anxiety and depression and i’ve been going to therapy and finally focusing on myself. along with that i came to realize i’m a lesbian. i come from a super religious conservative tiny town and shitty family so i’ve done a loooot of work to even get where i am now.
i’m not out but i am to my closest friends. and i’ve started seeing someone. we clicked instantly and we’ve been on 3-4 dates now. and i really fuckin like her. i have so much anxiety around it but when i’m with her it’s all okay. and when she puts her hand on my leg i like want to explode it’s so amazing. and kissing her sends me to another fuckin planet. and i’ve never felt that before.
i could go on and on.. but here’s my damn problem.
she’s overweight.
i feel SO shitty for being bothered by it. i mean i think it’s my anorexic voice just being ruthless.
and like i don’t think she’s like the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen ya know. and shouldn’t i feel like that??? well if you read this far... idk i’m fuckin stupid i’m out.
[Rant/Rave] My dad who’s partly responsible for my ed won’t telling me to stop being builimic
/u/xxxkona
Created: Wed May 30 21:40:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nez9h/my_dad_whos_partly_responsible_for_my_ed_wont/
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The past few days he’s sent me messages that says things like how unhealthy and disgusting I am and I’ve already told him how I don’t feel comfortable talking to him about it and today he asked me “Do you want to live a normal life? What guy wants a girlfriend who throws up after every meal?” How do I make him stop I’m only a teen girl what does he want from me?
Am I a failure?
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Wed May 30 21:32:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nex59/am_i_a_failure/
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I was almost to 96 hours of a water fast when I realized I could not function anymore. I was nauseous, weak, and felt completely awful. It was either lay in bed until my gw and water fast or be semi\-productive and do something less "extreme" so I could semi\-function
I stopped the water fast and started \<20 carbs a day today. The thing is, I feel so guilty. I felt hungry on the water fast and I felt like it was working. I ate 500cals and 10 carbs today and I feel like a failure. Because I'm not hungry. I feel like I screwed everything up and that I'm disgusting and weak. I should be hungry..I am so desperate to get out of this sick cycle I just want something to go right.
I'm having a rough day in general and I don't have anybody in my life that listens to or understands me. I just would like some input and feedback if anyone has time:\( Thanks
[Other] me; an absolute health goddess
/u/heyheypicklejay
Created: Wed May 30 21:16:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8neslc/me_an_absolute_health_goddess/
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me: RAVES about juicing vegetables, praises VEGANISM around my friends, wears suncreen DAILY, partakes in a 10-step skin regime, brags about being the absolute EPITOME of health and wellness
also me: takes an EC stack at noon after vaping for breakfast and sneaks into the kitchen when no ones around to nibble at some leftover chicken
I love being a hypocrite lmao (not)
Do you count sleeping hours as fasting hours?
/u/camiht1234567890
Created: Wed May 30 21:15:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nesc2/do_you_count_sleeping_hours_as_fasting_hours/
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I normally don't but i've seen some posts saying16/18 hour fasting and i wonder if they are counting sleeping hours too (8 asleep and 10awake)
What do you do with all of your clothes once they get too big?
/u/catsrule-humansdrool
Created: Wed May 30 21:05:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nepi3/what_do_you_do_with_all_of_your_clothes_once_they/
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So now that I'm down 3 pants sizes (!!!) a lot of my clothes are too big to wear anymore and I need to buy new clothes. I want to sell them so I can get money to buy new stuff, but Plato's Closet doesn't actually buy much and I can't find any other consignment shops that will buy non-designer clothing near me. I also have A LOT and I'm moving in two weeks so apps like depop and letgo aren't the best option for me right now. I'd just like to see what other people do when they've reached this point! I feel like getting rid of these clothes is a commitment I'm making to never ever get to that size again.
[Other] I bought a Reeses and it's frowning at me.
/u/Koi-Nami
Created: Wed May 30 20:43:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nejgk/i_bought_a_reeses_and_its_frowning_at_me/
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https://i.redd.it/5qliioqq53111.jpg
[Discussion] What are your favorite ED movies?
/u/KrystalJngg
Created: Wed May 30 19:44:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ne4i3/what_are_your_favorite_ed_movies/
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For some reason, Lifetime actually makes really good movies involving eating disorders.
My favorite ED movie was A Secret Between Friends (1996). I thought Linda Carter, who acted as the protagonist’s mother, did a really good job.
[Rant/Rave] Why do I eat so goddamn much
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Wed May 30 19:43:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ne48x/why_do_i_eat_so_goddamn_much/
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I told myself I was gonna fast today. Get home, Dad went grocery shopping and got apple pie and bagels.
I purged it less than ten minutes after, but I literally started hacking and my mucus was making bubbles. Not all of it came up, which has been happening a lot more often lately. I can’t get it all up after I eat it. But I don’t want to just leave it there.
And the water weight isn’t gone from eating yesterday(105.2 on tuesday, 109.6 this morning) which means I have to fast through Thursday. I’m going to gain all that weight back if i don’t get my act together. I’m going to a graduation anyway; I have to look skinny for pictures.
[Help] i fucked up
/u/audreybelle_
Created: Wed May 30 19:42:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ne3yu/i_fucked_up/
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i haven’t made a post here in a while, most of them have been in the daily log, but anyway, i’ve usually been sticking to 1000 calories and under, but, yesterday and today i ate probably 100-250 over that? i didn’t even log of because of how guilty i felt. i had eaten two small chocolate chip cookies yesterday, plus my 1000 cals and didn’t log because i hate logging over my limit, and then today did the same except i ate a cookie and some chips. will this hinder my progress? will i still lose my 2lbs this week, or have i just fucked up this whole week?
ED struggles
/u/aria_xoxo
Created: Wed May 30 19:16:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndytj/ed_struggles/
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(I just made a new account specifically for this sub because my bf follows me on my personal now.)
Long story ahead, sorry.
So a little background, from 14-19 I battled with Ana/mia and totally hated myself, I was always the clown out of my friends to cover this and sometimes even took pictures with my friends and stuff even though I hated the way I looked in them, my ed was mostly a secret and I liked it that way.
Fast forward to age 23, I had been in a really toxic relationship with a guy that slowly stopped caring about me, at the beginning things were so good and I was open with him and started recovering, that was the best time. Unfortunately I developed BED and over the course of 2.5 years I gained around 55lbs, I feel sick just typing that, WTF! My ex ended up breaking up with me because he didn’t like the way I looked anymore. (he was an asshole and I’m so glad it ended, but I totally get that)
Anyway, fast forward to now, I’m 26 and for the past couple of years slowly Ana/Mia came back.
First it was restricting and exercising a lot but around 6 months ago I started purging again.
Luckily I had some dental surgery and the dentist made a comment that made me shut that shit down (for the most part) and I’ve been successfully fasting/restricting for a while now and I’m getting closer to my GW.
The problem, I still really struggle with binging sometimes, it had been about 2 months since I binged and was feeling almost good about myself, this past week I spent in the city at my now -boyfriend’s place, he’s amazing and has a super good body and everyday we worked out together and I fasted during the day when he was at work and just had a little salad for dinner which he was totally ok with because he gets that I want to “eat healthily”.
But I got the train home yesterday and it’s like all the horrible secretive feelings of BED came back, as soon as I left his apartment I was thinking about food non stop, even though I hardly had during the week, then I bought a bagel for the train, ate a bag of nuts that my boyfriend packed for me, got home and ate a bowl of pasta and some cookies that I’d bought on the way home. I feel so mad DISGUSTED with myself, I’m getting ready for work right now and trying not to cry. Also, my bf doesn’t have scales at his house so I was excited to come home and check my progress but now I’m too scared to even look.
I’m going to fast for the whole week now, I’m a pig.
Does anyone have any tips for not bingeing that work for them most of the time? Or even just some support, I feel so alone right now.
Anyway sorry for the long post, I’ve been a member of this sub on my other account for a while and it really helps to known other people have similar struggles.
TL:DR I binged after having the best week and feel worthless.
Photos Triggering a Relapse
/u/damnitjanet6
Created: Wed May 30 19:10:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndxf1/photos_triggering_a_relapse/
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My friends keep sending this god-awful photo to our group chat. It's set a photo of me at my highest weight, and they set it as the thumbnail image for our group chat a few weeks ago because they all think I look hilarious- I have like twelve chins and my stomach's sticking out and my eyes are almost disappearing in my doughy face. I can't look at the picture because it makes me feel sick. I know they were just joking around but oooffffff it hurt and I feel so grossed out by myself. There's very little difference between me then and me now, and it makes me so paranoid that they're just laughing at me all the time.
I was at my worst eating-wise about three/four years ago, overexercising and restricting, until I came home from a run one day and blacked out at home. I'd had dizziness and almost fainted before, but it was always at school and I'd never blacked out at home before, and I got scared that my parents might catch me so I started trying to eat better again. I don't want to say I tried recovery because honestly I feel like such a fake- I don't know that my problems were bad enough that I needed to recover. But whatever, I tried to eat like a normal person for like three years and inflated like a blow-up doll. I got huge. And then that photo got taken.
Since then I've been restricting like mad when I'm on my own. At home I'm trying to restrict as much as I can, eat salads and exercise it all off. I hate that I've been so weak and let myself get to this point. I can't stand myself. I think about that photo and I think about my friends laughing at it and I want to die. I've lost 5 inches of fat off my tummy and my jeans don't fit me any more but I don't see any difference. Whenever I see my reflection, all I see is that photo.
My throat hurts so bad
/u/2fckk
Created: Wed May 30 19:02:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndvnk/my_throat_hurts_so_bad/
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Nothing to worry about..........Probably just nasal drip from all the cocaine, singed by the endless dirty bowls of weed I smoke in conjunction with hot coffee and an extremely limited pallet :'D
But at least I'm almost weened off xanax! Previously using 7 days a week and now I'm down to 1 day a week, .25mg! So happy that withdraw process is almost over, took months and months.
Anyone else use a cocktail of substances for ED reasons?? Weed to forget/drink a ton of water, cocaine to suppress appetite, coffee to suppress appetite, NEVER alcohol bcus calories + hangover, xanax was to fall asleep at night before eating. Constantly chasing equilibrium/an excuse to not eat by using drugs.
So paranoid of sagging skin
/u/Jenny_Roberts
Created: Wed May 30 19:00:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndv7x/so_paranoid_of_sagging_skin/
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I'm hoping to lose ~70 by fall (I'm 206, going for 130~) and am so terrified that my skin will get lose and saggy. I don't even care about stretch marks, those will fade more or less. I just want tone.
I don't think my belly, arms, face, back will sag, but most of my fat is in boobs and thighs, a significant amount (size 16 pants, 36I bra) and I want to tone and tighten but I don't know if I'm consuming enough calories to build/maintain enough muscle for my skin to keep a hold of.
I'm more afraid of my breasts sagging than my thighs, because I have next to no pecs/chest muscle but have very muscular legs.
Was anyone else my weight and ended up losing quickly and becoming fairly skinny? Did your skin sag? What did you wish you knew before you started?
Thanks xoxo
It's sooooo nice when you weigh less at night than you did in the morning
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Wed May 30 18:47:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndshs/its_sooooo_nice_when_you_weigh_less_at_night_than/
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Tomorrow is going to be good :)
Fat guy, noo!
/u/RichardStarrkey
Created: Wed May 30 18:41:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndr3t/fat_guy_noo/
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I work in a restaurant. Table of seven walks in. Six completely average guys and girls, and one big ol jabba. (I used to be one I can say it!)
They all order the dory fish which comes with chips and salad. And guess who raises their hands at this part? McMan! (My nickname at one point, it's okay.)
He asks. For the salad. To be removed.
That's it end of story. I think I dry heaved while keying in the order with "NO SALAD".
Have nice day.
My eating disorder is literally killing me. My overall health is getting worse and worse by the day...
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Wed May 30 18:31:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndp4d/my_eating_disorder_is_literally_killing_me_my/
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But that doesn’t make it any easier to stop...
I have an odd request
/u/RichardStarrkey
Created: Wed May 30 18:29:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndoli/i_have_an_odd_request/
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There is NO thinspo for black men. Aside from Dave Chappelle from 15 years ago. He ripped now.
Anyone know if there's more out there?
Introduction + Peach (Let's be friends)
/u/A_Little_Princess_
Created: Wed May 30 18:24:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndni0/introduction_peach_lets_be_friends/
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New here, but have lurked for quite some time. Also on peach as A\_Little\_Princess
From one ED to another...
/u/frascada9119
Created: Wed May 30 18:23:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndn3r/from_one_ed_to_another/
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For some background...I am a 26y.o male and developed anorexia over two years after a bad breakup. I dropped from 115kg to 65kg and was confident and handsome. Recently, I've gone through a horrible rough patch with my gf and I'm in a foreign country (moved for our relationship) and my depression has fuelled binge eating. I was using appetite supressants and legal perscription amps to help lose and my doctor in this country moved in April...
I am now 83kg and freaking out because my clothes dont fit. It's adding to my despression and I'm miserable. I dont know what to do or who to turn to because my girlfriend always said stuff like 'I dont like fat boyfriends' so on top of the rocky relationship...Im gaining weight and becoming less desirable. Any advice?
[Help] Help! I've become a shell of a boring person with nothing to show. Hobbies?
/u/__Ohno
Created: Wed May 30 18:19:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndm7b/help_ive_become_a_shell_of_a_boring_person_with/
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I've realized that since about age 15, my interests began to become so... boring and blah. I'm interesting in ED\-related things, and whenever someone asks me what I like to do for fun or what my hobbies are? Oh god.
I scramble to think of something, usually ending it "it depends." Yeah I like to go out and see people, see new things, and there are things I WANT to do \(fitness, art\) but I haven't really gotten into it yet.
I want to be that interesting, fun adult or at the least the girl that at least DOES something. Fun group activities, actually painting or drawing, running a real business, doing cool fitness related shit like kayaking or surfing or camping or fucking anything. I don't even like movies or video games or anything that much anymore.
What the fuck do yall do? lol
What are your thoughts on actors and actresses getting skinny for films?
/u/RichardStarrkey
Created: Wed May 30 18:15:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndlap/what_are_your_thoughts_on_actors_and_actresses/
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https://imgur.com/8BL2aab
Othorexia update 5/30/18
/u/selfloathingtrash_
Created: Wed May 30 18:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndkmd/othorexia_update_53018/
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Possible TW
So in attempts of recovery, two weeks ago I asked my bff to make sure I eat lunch at school everyday.
Big mistake.
It makes me punish myself for eating unhealthy overall and makes me.. almost anxious. But I'm not gonna eat lunch anymore. I'm gonna skip lunch and sit st a different table so he won't know. And if he sees me and asks me to get lunch I'll get it but then give it to someone else who will eat (since i try to waste food as less as possible). And if anyone tries to make me eat i'll just say "no" and go to the library or the bathroom or guidance the rest of the period if i have to.
Speaking of guidance I have to go tomorrow since I go every Thursday (that was also a mistake of mine). They make me eat but i really don't wanna get lunch. I don't know what to do but I'll think of something.
[Other] Also made a peach!
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Wed May 30 18:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndkg2/also_made_a_peach/
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it's @dreezys :) whats yours?
[Help] I can't get back on track
/u/onlysaysNOO
Created: Wed May 30 18:09:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndjuu/i_cant_get_back_on_track/
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My goal date came and went last week and ever since I've been binging like crazy and no matter what I do I can't get myself back under control. I absolutely refuse to weigh myself but I've probably gained about 5 lbs from eating appx 1500 calories a day which is like 300 cals over maintenance. I won't eat until dinner as usual but then I'll go overboard and eat everything until I feel sick.
I'm losing my mind. I don't know how to stop this fucking binging I've never been this bad before and I've never had a binge cycle for this long. How do I stop it I'm so uncomfortable with this
Family...
/u/ekemmer
Created: Wed May 30 18:08:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndjnu/family/
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I’m currently at a funeral reception with my SO’s family and there’s tons of food. Of course everyone is asking me why I’m not eating and I’m dying :(
[Rant/Rave] I lasted a whopping 2 days in recovery.
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Wed May 30 18:06:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndj7t/i_lasted_a_whopping_2_days_in_recovery/
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Ate a grilled cheese, ran for 2km after and still felt like a fatass. It's not fucking worth it. The only time I was happy with my body was when I was 105lbs and under. I'm fucking done eating.
So I made a Peach as well *shrug emoji*
/u/lmoses2011
Created: Wed May 30 18:04:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndimq/so_i_made_a_peach_as_well_shrug_emoji/
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Am pretty new here but you guys can add me there Mercy Rose
[Discussion] EC stacking and food question
/u/semperxvivum
Created: Wed May 30 17:58:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndhg6/ec_stacking_and_food_question/
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For those who EC stack, how often do you eat?
I generally fast all day at work and take a dose at 6:30am when I get there, then another dose four hours later, and sometimes a third four hours later. I'll typically come home and eat one meal so the girlfriend doesn't worry. Rinse and repeat Monday through Friday.
I've had three stacks and no food today, and I'm coming up on the potential for a fourth dose. She's at an appointment, so I could definitely go without eating today. Is this harmful in a way I'm not aware of with the EC stacking? I know we're not doctors, but if you know it's safe/risky I wouldn't mind the discussion.
For what it's worth, I've had more than enough water for the day and it's only 5pm, had a multivitamin and Mio vitamins/electrolytes earlier, exercised for a quick twenty minutes, and I'm currently drinking more electrolytes. Shrug.
[Tip] Grocery Delivery (Instacart)
/u/cobalt_co_27
Created: Wed May 30 17:31:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndb5q/grocery_delivery_instacart/
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I just started doing this a couple of months ago and it's been REALLY helpful because I never have to physically go to a store so I don't buy my binge foods. It also helps me not impulse buy or spend above my budget so I'm doing better with my spending budget and calorie budget. You do typically need to tip the driver who delivers, but one impulse purchase usually covers that added cost for me.
I use Instacart to shop at Whole Foods for all my items, plan my calories and meals out for the week and then only buy the exact amount of everything I will eat. Instacart has a premium subscription option that's $15 per month for free delivery over $30 and it's paid for itself for me in impulse and binge purchases.
~Unpopular opinions: ED edition~
/u/Zurthrow
Created: Wed May 30 17:30:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ndaxp/unpopular_opinions_ed_edition/
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What are y'alls unpopular ED opinions? My biggest one is kinda gross but anyway: I think purging is better the less liquid is involved. The only time I'll purposefully involve liquid in a B/P is if I'm eating something superrr thick like peanut butter. I don't purge every day but when I do I'd rather it come out all together like a fat snake than spew and splash everywhere violently. I also feel like it's less painful and a lot easier this way, but I know that taking a sip of water between each swallow is extremely common B/P advice.
[Other] Predatory Messages from u/mbsqufs
/u/PhoneWalletSanity
Created: Wed May 30 16:54:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nd252/predatory_messages_from_umbsqufs/
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Hi, everyone! If you didn't see my last post, some rando messaged me after seeing my flair on here (I assume) asking if I'd be thin sugar baby.
I got in touch with the mod team and they gave me their blessing to tell you all to block u/mbsqufs if you don't want him contacting you. Turns out he can still read/message people on here even if he is blocked.
Ugh, scum like that should be more self aware. Once again, stay safe my beautiful and worthy lovelies. <3 (totally not in a creepy way lol)
new to peach as well
/u/pyrostride
Created: Wed May 30 16:18:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nct02/new_to_peach_as_well/
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so add me, guys? 😙
im not sure how to use it but ill figure it out along the way!
@thiccums
fictional characters as thinspo?
/u/iamnotanuglygod
Created: Wed May 30 16:03:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ncp2n/fictional_characters_as_thinspo/
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does anyone else use fictional characters as thinspo? and not just actors that play fictional characters, but comic book and video game characters, too. mine are the seance from umbrella academy, nightcrawler from the xmen, taako from the adventure zone and liz and abe from hellboy.
[Rant/Rave] this reddit ad PISSES ME OFF it's just . . . idk . . so RUDE/INSENSITIVE/IDK HOW TO SAY IT
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Wed May 30 15:55:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ncmmk/this_reddit_ad_pisses_me_off_its_just_idk_so/
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https://i.redd.it/egdhhkade2111.png
Struggling between alcoholism and my ED.
/u/justaskthebear
Created: Wed May 30 15:39:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nci9m/struggling_between_alcoholism_and_my_ed/
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I used to be tiny for my height and I loved It I’ve never felt happier, even though I wasn’t even at my GW. But since alcohol was introduced into my life (3yrs ago) i have gained weight steadily. I hate looking at myself it just makes me want to drink more and that makes me gain more. It’s a terrible cycle. I just want to be at my GW and to be happy.
What is the normal amount to talk about food?
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Wed May 30 15:23:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nce1a/what_is_the_normal_amount_to_talk_about_food/
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I feel like every time I talk to a friend at least a portion of the conversation will end up being about food. Sometimes I think it feels one sided on my part but I very rarely mention diet or anything that might seem like I have a fixation. Im mostly just concerned that I talk about food too frequently. Is this pretty average? Like am I just that girl who has to always bring up food or is everyone else doing the same
I got hit with a door today
/u/whats-the-point-ugh
Created: Wed May 30 15:06:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nc97g/i_got_hit_with_a_door_today/
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I was at work, and I was crushing up some pills on the counter. I was behind the door, which has a small window. Someone opened the door on me hard because they didn't see me!
They did apologize profusely, and I was small enough that my body was perfectly hidden between the gap of the door and the window. She said "I'm so sorry! You're so skinny that you dissapeared behind the door!"
I'm on cloud 9, it's so messed up
It's so hard to stop purging all the time when it actually helps you lose weight.
/u/beluga_fail
Created: Wed May 30 14:43:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nc2d8/its_so_hard_to_stop_purging_all_the_time_when_it/
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I purge probably 95% of what I eat. usually purge maybe 3-5 times a day, upwards of 8 on a bad day. of course I'm a lazy purger so I know I don't get it all out or anything, but it's enough that I still lose a pound or two a week, enough that I'm finally not disgusted with myself all the time.
and it's so hard to stop this, to stop bingeing when I know I can still lose weight doing it. I know my teeth will get a lot better if I stop puking all the time, I know I'll be happier with myself if I don't waste an hour+ every day b/p'ing. I know I'll just be so much better off - even lose weight faster... but I'm still going down, and that's all that matters in my mind.
Exercise Calories
/u/untroubledbyaspark
Created: Wed May 30 14:38:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nc0sx/exercise_calories/
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So I am probably not alone in not wanting to eat back exercise calories, not least because I don't trust any of my counting devices...
Looking over logs from the past couple of weeks though, I've been eating back almost exactly my exercise calories every day. I'm just not eating my sedentary TDEE's worth on top.
Lololololllll
I have a huge crush (not quite ed related)
/u/bluemonksdream
Created: Wed May 30 14:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nbzqi/i_have_a_huge_crush_not_quite_ed_related/
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this guy is quite loud and annoying in the sense that he always has to joke around in class and make people laugh so I've never really liked him before. Also not that it matters but he isn't that good looking so he never caught my attention before. I'm really shy so I don't really get crushes on people based on how they act because I don't talk to anyone. Last school year I threw a pen at his head because him and his friend kept flapping the whiteboards at the back of me and my friends head. Anyways this year he got called out of class for a few minutes by this teacher who you talk to if you're upset or if something is going on. we don't really have councillors in our school. but when he came back in it was like he did'nt have that face on anymore and I wouldn't say he was vulnerable at all but rather just not fake if that makes sense. Then this girl went to hug him and he just looked so sweet in that moment and not like a complete dickhead. I'm on study leave so I'll probably not see him again if I don't go back to my sixth form. Even if I do I don't think i'll have any classes with him. I sat next to him briefly this year but we'd just ask each other if we got a question right or something so I don't think he would be interested like that. although everyone he does sit next to he is bubbly with so maybe because I don't talk a lot he thought I wouldn't be comfortable with it. he is close with this other girl in our class I don't think they're going out but they are very open with each other, I don't know if thats because they're really good friends. she is super short and petite though and she has a small body frame so that makes me self conscious if she's his type. but good motivation I guess. I hope I have a class with him next year so I can get to know him better even though I know I probably won't approach him.
I wanted to post this here because everyone is so sweet and has good intentions
[Discussion] Anyone else never had a SO?
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Wed May 30 14:26:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nbxf7/anyone_else_never_had_a_so/
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I'm 19 and although I date and I'm still open to that and I've had like, one, two semi serious brief things, I've never actually been someone's girlfriend. It feels pretty weird. Like, it's embarrassing actually, to hear my friends talk about their boyfriends and just, I can't relate. At all.
Not to sound narcissistic \(or maybe it is to say this oh goddd\), but like, I do get male attention now \- and this baffles me. It took me so long to believe that okay, maybe I'm not hideous and I actually still feel weird when I guy who's very attractive pursues me. Guilty. I was shy in high school for a while and certain boys used to tease me in a mean way because it was funny to see me react or whatever. I wasn't cute either and I still cringe at being the punchline here..
Now, If a guy does show a more serious romantic interest in me I legitimately panic and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. Like the moment I let my guard down around him he'll see through me and end up feeling embarrassed to be seen with me, his friends will ask him why he's with me, girls will wonder why he's with me.
A guy I did like asked me to be his girlfriend and I freaked out and went cold and borderline mean, acting like I didn't care. I don't know why. I just want to hide away from it all but at the same time I do want to be serious with someone \(not that I even have time anymore lmao\). I just don't want them to see the ugly parts of me. To not be good enough for them.
I used to think that this attitude of 'not being good enough' was put on \- like how could you not realise someone likes you and just go with it? But it's a complete physical reaction and it's scary. I just feel so weird and alone in feeling like this..
[Rant/Rave] Restriction highs
/u/bearantennae8611
Created: Wed May 30 14:09:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nbsg0/restriction_highs/
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I’m in the middle of a binge cycle...to be honest I haven’t been able to escape it for almost two years now. I can go without binging for maybe at most 3 days, and then I mini binge or full on binge.
Is it bad that I miss the hunger and emptiness during restriction? I miss this power it gives me—like I’m lighter than I’ve ever been. It’s as if I can almost see fat melting away every night I fall asleep hungry. Does anyone else feel a satisfaction when you go to bed and your stomach is growling and you ignore it and sleep through it. It’s the way I know I had a good day. I don’t have that much anymore.
I’m so sick of being stuck. I just want to eat less and not have food control my life. I want to not be disgusted by my body, fit in my clothes, and not be uncomfortable in my own skin, but I wonder if missing the high during restriction or being in the midst of it is any better. I don’t think it is....but honestly, I’d rather be on that end of it than this end. I keep telling myself I’ll eat less and control myself, but then I inevitably find myself in the kitchen several times a day, mindlessly eating. It sucks.
[Other] Guys, some dude is inappropriately messaging girls on here. Please stay safe and careful. <3
/u/PhoneWalletSanity
Created: Wed May 30 14:01:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nbpwo/guys_some_dude_is_inappropriately_messaging_girls/
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https://i.redd.it/7m9n313yt1111.jpg
[Rant/Rave] THIS DRESS HASNT FIT IN TWO YEARS!!!!!! thx vyvanse
/u/trytostay
Created: Wed May 30 13:51:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nbn62/this_dress_hasnt_fit_in_two_years_thx_vyvanse/
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https://i.redd.it/zt5zyscds1111.jpg
[GUIDE] Fasting for weight loss: a scientific approach
/u/mXCXO
Created: Wed May 30 13:28:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nbgff/guide_fasting_for_weight_loss_a_scientific/
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**TL;DR AT THE BOTTOM.**
Hi! Apologies if this has been done before but I did a quick search and was unable to find anything. I want to pre-face this by saying that I am not a doctor, researcher or expert but I am almost done my BSc in biology, so this is my best attempt at explaining things in an understandable way.
I see a lot of discussion on fasting and was curious in it myself, and after some reading was able to find a comprehensive study done on long term fasting. It’s from the 80’s so please keep this in mind - there’s nothing more recent that I could find. This will be focused on fasting with weight/fat loss in mind.
All my below writing is paraphrased from this paper: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1274154/pdf/westjmed00207-0055.pdf
Fasting is split into essentially 3 phases:
1) first 6-24 hours: glycogenolysis — body uses up carbs that you last consumed
2) 2-10 days: gluconeogenic — body breaks down amino acids (proteins! muscles!), lactate, pyruvate; whatever it can easily get a hold of
3) 10+ days: protein conservation — body switches from breaking down protein/muscles to breaking down fat, ketones, fatty acids
Weight loss during the first 2 phases (so from day 1 to day 9) is very fast; up to 0.9 kg/day, and then slowly tapers off. This weight loss is from a combination of carbs being digested and used up (as water taken in is bound to carbs at a 2.7:1 ratio, so for every 1g of carbs, you retain 2.7g of water), and your body breaking down protein and muscles for energy. By day 10, you slow down to 0.3 kg/day — from this point onward, your weight loss will primarily be fat.
Loss of weight in the first 2 phases seems to be primarily associated with loss of ions. Make sure to supplement your fast with electrolytes and salt (pickle brine is great!). Do not supplement with multivitamins/protein (more on this later).
You will gain back water weight once you re-feed; this is normal and expected! It’s your body binding water to carbs to make them available for use. Don’t stress too much about this, but do remember for when you calculate the lengths of your fasts based on your goals.
With this in mind, if you really want to lose fat primarily (and not muscle tone), you should be aiming for fasts of 10+ days. 30 days seems like a good balance, as you have the 10 days of carb/protein depletion, then 20 days of fat depletion. The study primarily focuses on those who fasted for around 30-40 days, and saw little risk associated.
Medical complications can arise from long term fasting. Those with heart problems and low blood pressure should not fast. As well, there are documented incidences of sudden cardiac death associated associated with liquid protein intake during fasting. The mechanism is unknown, but if you choose to supplement your fasting with some calories, please be aware of this and choose appropriately - carbs and fats should be used instead.
Additionally, please re-feed SLOWLY and carefully. The temptation to binge is there but doing so after a long fast may result in gut blockages (which led to death for those affected, as noted in the study). Start with fluids, start slow and work your way back up to solids — one option is reverse dieting (e.g. 200 cal on day one of re-feed, 400 on day 2, and so forth).
I wrote this to the best of my ability but if I made any errors, please let me know and correct me! If anyone else wants to add onto this, that would be lovely. I think this is a great resource for those who really want to set clear goals for their fasts and plan things out in a constructive way.
For me personally, knowing that 10+ days is when a fast really takes true effectiveness makes me stick to my fast instead of wavering, and setting a goal of 30 days makes it attainable.
TL;DR:
* first 10 days are water weight and muscle loss, true fat loss happens after the first 10 days when your metabolism switches
* DO NOT CONSUME PROTEIN DURING YOUR FAST
* re-feed SLOWLY to prevent gut blockages leading to death
* DO NOT FAST IF YOU HAVE HEART PROBLEMS
* aim for 30 day fasts if possible
I Also Made A Peach! I Have No Idea What I'm Doing!
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Wed May 30 13:14:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nbc2m/i_also_made_a_peach_i_have_no_idea_what_im_doing/
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@FleshDaddy
[Other] Poem I wrote about my ED that I don't have the guts to share with anyone else [Possible TW]
/u/xdesorientex
Created: Wed May 30 12:46:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nb3y4/poem_i_wrote_about_my_ed_that_i_dont_have_the/
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when I go all day without eating
i feel so beautiful
am i lovely yet?
or does it need more time?
one day isn't enough
you didn't notice
could i scream any louder
"It's empty in here"
i don't suppose so
what if i paint myself in scarlet
surely its hue allures
i can't get lovely enough
no matter how i starve
so maybe i'll die for you
isn't that lovely?
(This was written after a breakup and I'm referencing that person in case you were curious. I just thought I'd share the most fucked up thing I have written to date. )
Saw some pictures of myself at my highest weight that were taken without my knowledge and I feel sick.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Wed May 30 12:41:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nb2j1/saw_some_pictures_of_myself_at_my_highest_weight/
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I never looked in mirrors or allowed pictures, so I never understood the full scope of how far gone I was. I always knew my starting weight was high, but I'm actually surprised how badly I carried it. I had a fucking double chin, my cheeks bulged out like a chipmunk, my thighs were massive, the rolls of my stomach were visible under my shirt. I didn't even look human. It sounds like body dysmorphia talking, but it's not. I somehow managed to give myself the body of a dumpy 40 year old aunt at 15. What kills me is that I was seen like that. I interacted with people and went about my day in that revolting body and didn't even think about it. There are people who hear my name and visualize that amorphous blob of flesh and there's nothing I can do to change that image until they finally see me again. If no one notices a difference, I have no idea how I'm going to cope with the fact that I'm indistinguishable from the creature in those pictures.
i just binged on donuts i'm so fucking mad at myself
/u/totally_not_a_donut
Created: Wed May 30 12:35:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nb0t0/i_just_binged_on_donuts_im_so_fucking_mad_at/
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i'm so pissed i was hungry and got donuts and i should have had just one because i hadn't eaten anything so far today but nooo
[Rant/Rave] i'm feeling guilty about eating (tiny vent)
/u/fizzyvelvet
Created: Wed May 30 12:24:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8naxkl/im_feeling_guilty_about_eating_tiny_vent/
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So I skipped breakfast today. I was going to skip lunch too, but it was one of my favorite foods and I was hungry from fasting all day yesterday. The meal was probably less than 400cal, and I had a 140 cal tea with it. I finished eating it and felt really guilty and fat and like I had betrayed myself...I went on a two hour run to make up for it but the back of my mind is making me feel like I'm going to gain weight anyway. I've been eating well under my TDEE (it's close to 2,000 cal, I usually eat less than 100 cal a day), but I feel so guilty and bad for eating. I don't know what to do to get out of this funk, but I feel like I've become so obsessed with not eating and being thin again.
Guys, Don Francisco's Cinnamon Hazelnut Coffee is LIFE!
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Wed May 30 12:23:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nax0g/guys_don_franciscos_cinnamon_hazelnut_coffee_is/
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I just had a cup and it's like drinking a crisp cup of autumn. It's like a sweet treat but it's black coffee so it's only like 5 calories. I'm so excited, I haven't been able to drink black coffee in a while because it was all so bitter after a while but I highly reccomend this to anyone thinking of switching to black coffee for fasts or just in general.
[Rant/Rave] I ❤️ my psychiatrist
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh
Created: Wed May 30 12:21:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nawk5/i_my_psychiatrist/
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I’ve been taking Wellbutrin and Lexapro to treat my depression for about 9months now.
I just had a very frank discussion with my psychiatrist about how lexapro increases my appetite and she’s agreed to take me off of it.
I love having a say in what I do to my body and I also hate lying so I’m glad this worked out!
Also I’m pretty sure Wellbutrin is suppressing my appetite so I really don’t want to go off of it possibly ever.
Meal with meds
/u/damnitcharlie69
Created: Wed May 30 12:11:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8natla/meal_with_meds/
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I don't really post here but I just needed to share this with people who get it. I had a doctors appointment recently and it basically went like this:
Doctor: with this new medication you'll need to have it with dinner. You should take it with about 800 calories...you know, a normal sized meal.
Me: *screams internally*
[Discussion] Anyone else fine with not knowing their exact calories so long as it's less than what you counted?
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle
Created: Wed May 30 11:54:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8naonx/anyone_else_fine_with_not_knowing_their_exact/
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it seems like everyone here talks about not sharing food, or being upset when someone asks for some, but I give my dog half of everything I eat (if he can have it) and offer everything to friends and family because then I'm eating even less than I planned
anyone relate?
Favorite gum?
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Wed May 30 11:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nao4i/favorite_gum/
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I’ve heard that chewing gum helps if you are hungry. I haven’t chewed gum since middle school (I feel like I’m chewing on my own spit) but I’m willing to give it a try. So what’s a good one? I don’t like mint so fruitier the better!
[Rant/Rave] Disordered eating or eating disorder, recovering either way.
/u/daisybody
Created: Wed May 30 11:47:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8namfk/disordered_eating_or_eating_disorder_recovering/
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I have disordered eating, not sure if it’s a full blown disorder. But I’m trying to get myself out of the mentality. It started with me weightlifting, then slowly turned into me dieting and not having energy to lift. I wanted to get skinny. I would say in my head, “I would have an eating disorder and be skinny if I wasn’t going to enlist in the military.” You can’t enlist if you have had an ED, so I never let myself go lower than 1200 cals. It’s now at the point where food is all I think about, I’m always analyzing how other people are eating and feel shameful because I need to eat so much more to feel full and I eat more quickly than others.
As a kid I never worried about food, I literally only ate bread and butter and saltines and was probably starving a bit because now that I’m a teen I can literally eat anything and everything. I started counting calories a year ago, stopped for a bit then got into it again. I also started IF and wasn’t eating anything I deemed unhealthy, I just replaced “unhealthy” stuff with lower calorie versions of it, which gave me awful bloating and stomach pains. I have body aches, am always tired, can hardly hold a conversation, have barely any motivation for exercising, and just feel plain ol’ crap.
I’m writing this on a bus home from a family reunion vacation, at a house where there was endless food and lots of activities. I started the night before, planning out my snacks. I weighed out homemade roasted chickpeas in 100 calorie bag servings, a serving of Go Lean cereal, cheap protein bars and some nasty edamame beans I bought because they were high in protein. I ended the weekend with deciding I’m going to be doing MinnieMaud, basically eating whatever I want/can. I hope I’m doing the right thing. I just want my life back. I don’t want the guilt associated with eating an extra cookie. I don’t want the two naps a day. I want to have energy and clarity. I just want to be happy.
I don’t know the point of this post. I just felt like writing about my situation, maybe some of you can relate. I found some podcasts that are really giving me the motivation to heal my relationship with food and my body:
Well and Weird with Holly Lowery
Love, Food with Julie Duffy Dillon
The Recovery Warrior Show with Jessica Flint
Big boobs and BMI
/u/Koko1318
Created: Wed May 30 11:29:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nah3e/big_boobs_and_bmi/
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Do big boobs make your BMI inaccurate? I have a 36DDD chest. They’ve always been huge. My BMI is 25.5 I’m definitely not where I want to be weight wise for my own personal goals, but I definitely don’t feel like I fall in the over weight range either. Anyone know the answer???
Laxatives?
/u/chpbnvic
Created: Wed May 30 11:20:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nae7t/laxatives/
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Hi so I don’t want to use laxatives as a purging method just simply to keep me somewhat “regular”. I’ve had *really* painful constipation before (tmi I know) when I’ve severely restricted and I do not want that again. What ones work best do you think?
[Discussion] Is Peach worth it? What do you guys do on it?
/u/mu514
Created: Wed May 30 11:13:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8nacb9/is_peach_worth_it_what_do_you_guys_do_on_it/
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So I've seen the Peach master post here, and I do know that it's a social networking kind of app and that some of you guys are on it. But just want to hear from you guys, is it worth it? Should I make a Peach account? What do you do on it?
[Discussion] What do people without an ED even think about??
/u/trappedinaclub
Created: Wed May 30 11:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8naaxf/what_do_people_without_an_ed_even_think_about/
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Like how do normal people occupy their thoughts? I can’t even imagine NOT thinking about food all the fucking time. And that’s all I want. I just want my brain to think normally or at least think about something else besides food. Sometimes I’ll be able to focus and think about something normal for a split second and then it’s back to thoughts of food. Does anyone have any tricks to subverting their focus to things other than food?
[Rant/Rave] What was even the fucking point [rant]
/u/apricaught
Created: Wed May 30 10:57:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8na7a6/what_was_even_the_fucking_point_rant/
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I went through IOP recovering a month or two back, where part of it was looking at the scale once a week at the center while supervised, and I threw my personal scale off a bridge (literally) so i couldn't weigh every day. I went in to treat my binge eating mostly, and was hoping that the binge eating weight would peel off once I stopped bingeing. And you know what it's true, I don't binge anymore--IOP worked. No more family-size packs of oreos or tortilla chips, I'm capable of packing up my meals if they're large, I'm able to leave food on my plate, I'm able to dip into a pint of ice cream without killing the whole thing. It's wild.
But....today I was weighed at the doctor's and....I've only lost like two pounds since IOP if that. WHAT THE FUCK. I know I drink a little too much but it's not like I'm overeating during it anymore...
Counting calories was one of my most disordered habits but I feel like I need to start again. I can't deal with this. I know body image is the last part of the ED to go and I've only been recovered for like a month or two but I can't stop freaking out. I want to intermittent fast, count calories, everything to "undo the damage" my ED did....which I know is paradoxical and all because it would throw me straight back in to not understanding moderation....but I'm not "Happy" with my body like this. I'm not. And I don't hate it more than I did while in the binge-restrict cycle. So I guess net benefit but....I'm still not good enough. I don't know. I know I need to find a way to get self-worth besides weight but...I'm drinking wine at 12:30 pm after getting home from the doctor's and I should've known not to look at my weight but it's just so fucking hard.
[Discussion] Is anyone triggered by a family member?
/u/peoniesanddoubt
Created: Wed May 30 10:55:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8na6xk/is_anyone_triggered_by_a_family_member/
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I have a family member that triggers me SO bad. She’s my exact same age and always has been really, really small and pretty. She has 3 kids and looks like she’s never even had one. I get so jealous sometimes that I have to distance myself every once in awhile from her. Its like I can only take it for so long before I need a break. I realize it’s stupid to feel that way about someone you love, but I was just wondering is anyone else struggles with something like this? It’s so hard and I feel like such a bitch.
[Help] Did welbutrin make any of you suicidal
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Wed May 30 10:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8na5sv/did_welbutrin_make_any_of_you_suicidal/
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I don’t want to look up the side effects of welbutrin bc I don’t want to trick myself into feeling any of them but is suicidal thoughts one of the side effects? I feel like it is for every med like this pretty much
I have been entertaining the idea of hurting myself or worse pretty much every day now. I have only been on welbutrin for less than a week so I can’t tell if this is how I felt all along, because it’s definitely been on my mind the past couple months. But I feel like I’ve been thinking about it more and more and just everything feels so pointless. Like people get so concerned to hear someone is suicidal but I really don’t see why it matters, everything is pointless and we all die at some point anyways so why does it matter if it is now or later. Nothing makes me happy for any extended period of time. I’m only remotely happy when I’m around other people and even then I want to be drunk bc I am consumed with thoughts about eating and my body.
I feel like I am just going through the motions at this point. I’m forcing myself to get out of bed and get out of the house and go to the gym and shit but nothing helps. I still wake up every morning fucking miserable. And I have so much shit to be happy about and I’m just not.
I think about death all the time now. I don’t think I would do anything but it just seems so much better than feeling like this all the time.
Is this the welbutrin or is it me? Do I give it another week or two to actually see how it effects me?
[Tip] A Few Cooking Tips
/u/PhoneWalletSanity
Created: Wed May 30 10:43:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8na38p/a_few_cooking_tips/
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I've been at my parents' as of late so I've had to get extra creative with my cooking to avoid giving into cravings and having six submarine rolls in one sitting (so many regrets...) as well as avoiding suspicion.
The first is an anti-tip, a warning if you will: stevia is the devil's sugar. You think your lemon meringue is going to be awesome and then you take a bite and the unpleasant bitter, chemical taste hits you and all that time spend whipping egg whites is for nothing. If you're going to be using stevia, make sure you're also adding things to mask the bitter flavour.
Add a tablespoon of psyllium husks into a cup of broth and mix well. Makes it seem like there's a bit of rice or small pasta mixed in and it's a lot more filling. Plus bowel movements are great.
On that topic, want jam minus added sugar? Stew down whatever fruit you want until it starts catching on the bottom of the pan, let cool for 10 minutes and add about 2 tablespoons psyllium husk for every cup of fruit. If you let it cool further in the fridge it ends up having the texture of bread pudding. Eat right away because psyllium husk will continue gelling with time.
Finally, this is kind of specific but I made oatmeal cookies and tripled the amount of oats and substituted stevia for granulated sugar (the cinnamon and brown sugar masked the bitter taste) which made each 25 g cookie about 50 calories instead of 100 and increased the iron and fiber content significantly.
[Rant/Rave] What am I trying to prove??
/u/Jemjon
Created: Wed May 30 10:38:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8na1yj/what_am_i_trying_to_prove/
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I slid into this weird habit of holding off on eating for as long as possible. Im in recovery, or a stupid loopy version of it now, so Ive been maintaining my weight, I eat all my calories, just only after 5 pm or I feel like a failure for "giving in" to "eating too early" what the?? who the fuck cares?? it doesn't even make a difference in my weight if I have my calories when im hungry or if I wait until dinner?
who am I trying to impress? literally nobody knows I make myself do this! its so stupid! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE CRYING BECAUSE I HAD YOGURT AT 11 INSTEAD OF AT 5
DAE gain weight with their period?
/u/stickbuggy
Created: Wed May 30 10:34:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8na0sy/dae_gain_weight_with_their_period/
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I always seem to hold on to a bunch of water weight during my period, and I feel super bloated and awful. But everything online seems to say that the water weight will go away once your period starts. That’s not my experience at all, so I was wondering if there were any other people who experience a similar “gain” when Mother Nature decides to call?
[Rant/Rave] Wish my depression killed my appetite
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Wed May 30 10:33:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8na0l9/wish_my_depression_killed_my_appetite/
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Instead it just makes me not give a shit and get lazy with my ed. Then my anxiety makes me freak out bc I’m eating more. Then I get more depressed bc eating makes me sad and not eating makes me sad.
I’ve eaten regularly for the past three days and weirdly I don’t feel *too* horrible about myself, which is good except for the fact that it makes me feel like I can keep eating.... and that will eventually make me feel horrible about myself.
I’m so fucking sad
[Tip] Stop hunger at night
/u/enough677
Created: Wed May 30 10:23:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n9xig/stop_hunger_at_night/
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How do you stop the hunger when trying to get to sleep. I drink water but that doesn’t help.
[Rant/Rave] Stomach virus or food poisoning? Either way despite the pain I'm grateful.
/u/TertiaryWings
Created: Wed May 30 10:16:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n9vf4/stomach_virus_or_food_poisoning_either_way/
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A few weeks ago I promised a friend I would eat at least 600cal a day and have a full meal with him every time we saw one another. I ended up eating over 600cals daily because I have little self control and ended up undoing about 60% of my weight loss from my last great restriction phase. Over the weekend I've gotten a stomach virus or food poisoning or something and it. Has. Been. A. Godsend. I hadn't had much of an appetite at all and anything I drink runs right through me. I even vomit when it's bad enough if I've had something to eat. I realize it's all water weight and empty bowels because I am extremely dehydrated but I am back down by another 6 pounds in a 24 hour period. I am so strangely ecstatic about this. It's like getting the kickstart I need back into restricting. And despite how miserable my bottom and stomach feels I feel much better mentally.
[Rant/Rave] Why on earth do I keep gaining???
/u/delaneyjay
Created: Wed May 30 09:36:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n9jpu/why_on_earth_do_i_keep_gaining/
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It’s just been a steady rise in my average weight. I don’t get it. I eat max 1000 cals every day— sometimes not even reaching that, maybe an average of 700– but I still gain whole pounds every night. I gained 1.6 lbs yesterday after eating 550 cals and burning 3000, which consisted of rice pudding, a baked sweet potato, and one Reese’s cup.
It’s all CICO, but why am I still gaining? And consistently? I literally want to scream right now because I workout for hours on end and starve and agonize over my calorie choices but here I am, gaining more bf% and packing on the lbs like I’m eating like a pig
Help meeee
New bmi v old bmi?
/u/ladydaisy79
Created: Wed May 30 09:35:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n9jer/new_bmi_v_old_bmi/
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Can someone explain to me the difference and what's the point in differentiating, if there is one? Thanks!
(Flair - discussion please!)
[Discussion] New bmi v old bmi?
/u/ladydaisy79
Created: Wed May 30 09:34:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n9iyl/new_bmi_v_old_bmi/
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Can someone explain to me the difference and what's the point in differentiating, if there is one? Thanks!
[Discussion] New BMI v Old BMI
/u/ladydaisy79
Created: Wed May 30 09:33:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n9ioj/new_bmi_v_old_bmi/
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Can someone explain to me the difference and what's the point in differentiating, if there is one? Thanks!
[Discussion] New BMI v Old BMI
/u/ladydaisy79
Created: Wed May 30 09:33:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n9inw/new_bmi_v_old_bmi/
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Can someone explain to me the difference and what's the point in differentiating, if there is one? Thanks!
[Rant/Rave] Can anorexia be just in my imagination or for real? If its real, i wonder if it will be temporary. Wishing for a temporary state
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Wed May 30 09:29:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n9hm5/can_anorexia_be_just_in_my_imagination_or_for/
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I have been unemployed for a year now. I will be starting a new job next week. As I am in a restricting mood, I fear I might faint cuz I am feel light headed or dizzy during the day and once or twice, when I stand, I nearly fell.
I am supposed to follow the dietitian's meal plan. But I can't imagine or start my self on it. I fear I might get emotional or cry about it. Seriously, I still wonder if my anorexia is for real and if it is, will it ever going to be temporary? I got so disappointed at my appointment today. Thinking way too much and wishing that this illness ( which I still can't accept, feels unreal, cuz my dieting habit has all along been this way since last year, feels like everything is going down hill ever since) is just a dream and it will disappear when I wake up.
I am not sort of still enjoying the restricting mode I guess.
I can finally focus! But ADHD meds may not be a great idea
/u/theneemqueen
Created: Wed May 30 09:28:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n9h5o/i_can_finally_focus_but_adhd_meds_may_not_be_a/
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I can finally get stuff done in my new position, I really want to do well! I don't feel the need for coffee so much, so I'm not so anxious. But of course, I have no appetite. I haven't taken such a high dose since I was a teenager, and I forgot how shit it is for your appetite. This is not going to be helpful for me to keep healthy
Have you tried the IU diet?
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Wed May 30 09:15:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n9dix/have_you_tried_the_iu_diet/
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The whole internet was in uproar about the diet when it first came out, but from an 'ED perspective'- 500 kcal a day is pretty much what I eat, and instead of eating a big bowl of cereal a day, three small meals might be better, and it'd cover my macros a lot better.
Has anybody here tried it and what was your experience with it?
For people who do not know, IU is a *very* popular korean singer who lost a drastic amount of weight following her strict diet- eating an apple for breakfast, a sweet potato for lunch and a protein shake for dinner.
I say I'd die to have those legs/have a smaller chest/be thin way too much for people not to realise I mean it
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle
Created: Wed May 30 09:02:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n99zp/i_say_id_die_to_have_those_legshave_a_smaller/
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Food diary day 4
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Wed May 30 09:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n99jq/food_diary_day_4/
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Well after my disappointing morning I decided to cut my breakfast down. So I cut my bagel in half and made a knockoff Starbucks drink (I needed some real caffeine) and that came out to 255. Work was really physical again today so that was good. It’s only 10 and I’ve burned about 970. I just can’t get over my disappointment. I’ll update with lunch later.
Just got peach on my new phone!
/u/DenyMyHunger
Created: Wed May 30 08:53:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n97dv/just_got_peach_on_my_new_phone/
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Don't know how to work it or what it does but I'm Nikki2677 so add away!
Rough Weekend
/u/Koko1318
Created: Wed May 30 08:39:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n93pb/rough_weekend/
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This past weekend was tough. It was a long holiday weekend here in the US. We went to the lake and went to dinner with friends, and had a huge cookoff/ potluck. I knew I couldn’t get away with not eating so I tried OMAD instead. But I still know that I over ate. I typically eat less than 500 calories per day. I’ve been too scared to step on the scale because I know it went up. I can feel it. So I’ve been fasting since and will step on the scale when I know it’s back to my weight a week ago. I’m just lying to myself. Just needed to get it off my chest, and force myself to actually tell someone.
[Rant/Rave] Timing sucks
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Wed May 30 08:35:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n92j1/timing_sucks/
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I have big exams starting next week so I’m pretty much always in school. Barely eaten anything all day and at 3pm started feeling dizzy and extremely tired, so I went and got the lowest cal crisps from the vending machine (145cals). I knew I was going to have to walk 25mins to the train station, then another 35/40mins home so I thought it’d be okay. Now my mum tells me she can drop me home and now I feel so far and disgusting. If only I’d held out for half an hour then I could’ve been home fine... fuck.
[Help] Whats the best way forward?
/u/skinnybpd
Created: Wed May 30 08:33:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n91y1/whats_the_best_way_forward/
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So I've been relapsing since the end of February, and so far I'm down about 8kg/just over a stone. I'm around a 19 BMI. I want to lose another 8kg by August 10th. At the moment my daily diet is 2 large cuppachinos with soy milk, a couple cups of almond milk and a stock cube for something salty, and I have shiritaki noodles maybe twice a week with some mushrooms. I do bake a lot though and I find myself binging on icing and vegan cake batter when I bake, and that's why I'm not losing very quickly. I want to stop baking now (I have a couple events between now and August but I can manage a couple, less ambitious cakes). Im also relying heavily on laxatives and I've stopped exercising. I want to stop taking lax all the time so I've bought some senna teas instead to help.
I'm planning on going down to a maximum of one soy coffee a day, but I'm not sure if I should start eating more often? I know I won't quit lax if I do though, I can't stand having food in my stomach.
I've flaired this as help but I don't really know what I want. I'm just at a loss because I'm losing really, really slowly now (maybe 1kg every two weeks) and I need to be 8kg down in like 10 weeks. I'm freaking out. What can I do? I could start exercising again but I'm at a loss for what to do because I live in a second floor apartment with people underneath me so I can't make noise. I was working as a yoga teacher in a gym but I'm quitting because I have an ear problem that lasts a few months at a time and throws my balance off so I have to keep cancelling so I'm also cancelling my gym membership so I can't go there.
This is really rambly and I'm sorry but I'm so stressed out. I don't know what to do.
I love taunting my coworkers
/u/slip_n_slice
Created: Wed May 30 08:29:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n90xd/i_love_taunting_my_coworkers/
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Im by a pretty fair margin one of thr skinniest people at my job (first shift girl im on to you) but i still manage to lift the largest weights and move the quickest hours on end. I love taunting the other boys about how they could use time in the gym like me or they could use some extra workout when theyre slacking off (and ive been hauling an unhealthy amount of ass for 8+ hours. I know its not nice pr right, but does anyone else take pleasure in the fact that despite being under weight and undereating you still kick more ass than your coworkers?
Petition to have this in the sidebar? It's like the current BMI calculator and losertown all in one.
/u/Melusedek
Created: Wed May 30 08:21:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n8ymm/petition_to_have_this_in_the_sidebar_its_like_the/
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http://justcico.com/
Any strength athletes?
/u/deathweasel
Created: Wed May 30 08:16:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n8xc8/any_strength_athletes/
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I'm a 34 year old powerlifter at 80kg/175lbs (second highest weight class). I dealt with Anorexia nervosa binge/purge subtype as a teenager and in college, then I "recovered" and gained 36kg/80lbs. I am very strong, but I hate how my body looks. I am down 4kg for the year, but I have become weak.
Any other strength athletes here? How do you balance your nutritional "needs" with your anxiety about food?
[Rant/Rave] Hair Loss
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Wed May 30 08:14:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n8wsn/hair_loss/
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My hair is falling out and I had a panic attack in the shower because of it. How awful has it gotten that my hair falling out isn’t my rock bottom? How much worse is it gonna get?
My birthday is tomorrow and I’ll be the bald, skinny girl with no friends or family.
I ate junk food all week and still lost. I might be able to recover.
/u/innocentkitty
Created: Wed May 30 08:03:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n8thp/i_ate_junk_food_all_week_and_still_lost_i_might/
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I've been heavily restricting for almost a year now; I aim for 750-850 calories a day and never binge/purge. I've mostly been keeping to it, but I don't think i've had a day at all in that timeframe where i've eaten more than 2000 calories at all. Although i'm consistent i'm obsessed and unhappy.
This past week was different, I was staying with the guy I like and we spent every day in bed watching netflix; I ate takeaway pizza 3 times in the space of 6 days (the entire pizza), chinese takeaway for lunch on one of those days and a couple of jam doughnuts, cookies, bacon and egg, cheese throughout the week. Foods i'd never even consider touching ever usually but loved before I started. I was so paranoid to weigh myself today because I thought I would've gained at least 3 pounds.
I was wrong. I actually somehow managed to lose half a pound. That's pretty much what I've been losing (or maintaining) during heavy restricting. I'm so taken aback right now, but it's shown me that I don't have to be so hard on myself and it's all in my head.
This isn't something i'm going to continue, but honestly I think it's a step towards a recovery i'm comfortable with. I think it'll help me to keep control and have a more relaxed relationship with food and instead of heavy restricting constantly I can add a couple extra hundred calories in each day of food I love and still be ok. I'm not going to lie, my body feels pretty shitty but I think that's probably because I overdid it a bit with the junk and shocked myself, but knowing I can eat what I want in moderation and still lose/maintain is a revelation I can't even put into words rn. I pooped a normal amount for the first time in 6 months. I felt like a normal person around him. The anxiety was gone, and I felt so much happier.
Take the time to look after your body and mind, and make small steps towards a recovery which suits you! <3
[Discussion] DAE suppress their appetite with ungodly amounts of caffene and nicotine?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Wed May 30 06:35:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n87ke/dae_suppress_their_appetite_with_ungodly_amounts/
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Yeah ive kinda given up
Anyone here know they're not fat but can't stop?
/u/totally_not_a_donut
Created: Wed May 30 06:28:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n860g/anyone_here_know_theyre_not_fat_but_cant_stop/
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I'm thin. I'm less than a hundred pounds. I'm considered underweight according to my BMI but I have a fucking enormous fear of gaining weight.
I mean I know it's not healthy especially for my age but even if I don't count i end up guesstimating how many calories I consumed.
Does anyone else here ever feel like this?
Disappointing morning
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Wed May 30 06:20:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n847k/disappointing_morning/
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Y’all I’m so fucking upset. I finally found my scale. I weight 10 pounds more than I thought I did! I’m absolutely disgusting. Ugh. I weight 160!!! I didn’t want tot toe that out because I don’t want y’all to be disappointed in me but I would’ve felt like I was lying if I didn’t. I hate myself so much. Time to update my flair I guess.
So close!
/u/DenyMyHunger
Created: Wed May 30 06:17:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n83eu/so_close/
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I'm at 203lbs down from 247lbs from mid January and I'm SO close to being under 200lbs!
I know this isn't a big deal to anyone but I'm so fuckin excited! 4lbs to go and I'm officially 199lbs! wish me luck for my Friday weigh in! 😅
[Discussion] So angry with feeling I’m never good enough
/u/enough677
Created: Wed May 30 06:14:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n82qe/so_angry_with_feeling_im_never_good_enough/
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Does anyone else feel so angry all the time. I can’t stand myself. I haven’t eaten a meal in weeks.
My partner doesn’t give a shit it’s not like I’m doing it for him to give me attention or tell me to eat but if he knows I haven’t eaten he won’t say anything.
I just want to feel pretty and stop feeling so big and in the way and disgusting
I know how men can be together. But him and his friends send pictures of women to each other all the time. Size 8 big boobs pretty. Also 4 months ago I found his secret date app and Facebook and all the girls on there where the usual big boobs size 8 etc pretty,It makes me feel like killing myself.
Daily Food Diary! May 30, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 30 06:12:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n82ad/daily_food_diary_may_30_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 30, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday May 30, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 30 06:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n822e/way_to_go_wednesday_may_30_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for May 30, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Struggling with weight gain after recovery?
/u/Violet1400
Created: Wed May 30 05:21:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n7rpv/struggling_with_weight_gain_after_recovery/
---
Hey!
I got out of hospital \(IP\) 3 months ago, and haven't stepped on a scale until this morning. My lowest ever weight was 72lbs, \(this was 6 months or so ago\) and today, I weigh 125.
Don't get me wrong 125 is fine \(I'm 5'4\) but I'm really struggling with staying "positive" about being 125. I really want to be under 100 again but I'm afraid ill cause complications with my family.
I'm not sure if I'm really looking for support or not... I guess my question is, should I try to maintain 125 or is it okay to go a little lower again?
thanks guys! \<3
I think ED is giving me alcohol issues (TW)
/u/TheOrgazoid99
Created: Wed May 30 04:07:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n7e0t/i_think_ed_is_giving_me_alcohol_issues_tw/
---
Basically title.
A bit of alcohol and i stop giving a shit sbout my CW, GW, calories, and the impossibility of functioning at work and losing at a decent rate at the same time.
Until now, i always felt that alcohol brought out the worst in me. I would be boisterous, selfish, and accidentally rude. But now? Fuck, its the only time i am relaxed, and happy with myself. I am cheerful and horny and actually -almost- present in the moment.
Sometimes i say it helps me recover (because it helps me eat) but that sounds like bullshit to me. Plus, it just leads to binging.
Thanks for reading this tipsy rant. Comiseration welcome.
[Rant/Rave] **TW** Scared of dying
/u/papsandwiles
Created: Wed May 30 03:04:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n72z8/tw_scared_of_dying/
---
I don't know how to stop this. I saw a psychologist for the first time today, and I was hoping for some insight and validation. But she just told me to go see a doctor so she would know I wasn't "passed out somewhere". I'm terrified that I won't be able to get the help I need and this whatever this is is going to kill me. It feels like nobody understands enough to help.
Sorry for rambling on I just had to get this off ny chest.
Ugh someone talk me out of McDonalds please!!!
/u/-deebrie-
Created: Wed May 30 03:03:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n72w2/ugh_someone_talk_me_out_of_mcdonalds_please/
---
[Rant/Rave] Please stop eating my food
/u/veravera2
Created: Wed May 30 01:32:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n6odz/please_stop_eating_my_food/
---
I’m so anxious that I’m lying here awake at 3am dreading lunch tomorrow. I left for the long weekend and my roommate used up my low fat ranch dressing and the cracker and cheese slices I use for my lunches (even though she has so much food in the fridge it’s rotting before she can even finish it). Every night I make my lunch for the next day: raw veggies with 1/3 a table spoon of dressing and three crackers with cheese. She didn’t replace the stuff of mine she ate and didn’t bother to tell me it was gone either. I didn’t find out till 10pm, so no time to run to the grocery store. I’m kicking myself for not predicting this would happen.
I feel like I could cry, cause my entire day is now ruined. I don’t know what to eat for lunch now, and I can’t stop thinking about having to go out and buy something at work. I’m just laying here panicking about it and wishing I was asleep. I’m so irrationally angry at her and I know if I try to explain why I’m pissed she’ll think I’m a freak for getting so upset about food.
:(
I’m just so freaking upset right now. I think I’m gonna have to have a serious talk about food boundaries with her because if this happens any more frequently I’m gonna have a heart attack from the stress. Ughhhhh. EAT YOUR OWN FOOD AND STOP EATING MINE
Heading To Louisiana With My Dad :(
/u/StabbedAgainAndAgain
Created: Wed May 30 01:16:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n6lsk/heading_to_louisiana_with_my_dad/
---
All the trigger foods, boudin, king cake, cajun cracklings, gumbo. Work with my dad(long haul trucker) is great but holy $?!& is it difficult to remain strong while in this state! I'm going to try to remain strong but I know he's going to stop at Don's Specialty Meats and buy cracklings like he usually does and he's going to ask if I want some boudin or pickled quail eggs or any of the other foods I get when we're out this way. He doesn't know that I'm starving myself and he'll suspect that something is up because despite eating very healthy he knows I'm a sucker for local foods in Louisiana especially in Scott and New Orleans. I don't know what to do, maybe one cheat day couldn't hurt and then I drink a bottle of magnesium citrate and down some water pills afterwards. Or maybe I should risk him wondering if I'm not actually eating.
[Help] Fasting help
/u/Awkward_Mermaid
Created: Wed May 30 00:51:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n6hea/fasting_help/
---
Like the title says, I need some input guys. I'm 25 and a half hours into a 48 hour fast (maybe more, I'm not sure yet) and I actually feel pretty damn good. I don't feel super hungry like I thought I would but seriously, how do I convince my stomach that?! The stupid thing is growling sooo loud it's ridiculous, how do I shut it up? Also has anyone else noticed that their throat kind of hurts? I'm trying to figure out if it's fasting related or if I'm gonna end up with a cold for the bagillionth time this year. Thanks for any help, stay safe friends 😊
Hope y’all have a good day.
/u/Jenndaisy
Created: Wed May 30 00:13:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n6ao5/hope_yall_have_a_good_day/
---
https://imgur.com/a/L1GG8Px
I’ve been trying to gain weight but I keep losing.
Hunger headaches?
/u/graeciamagna
Created: Wed May 30 00:04:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n68zp/hunger_headaches/
---
So I'm 1.6 away from a small milestone, and I want this by Friday so bad. But I'm on for five hours on my own at work and this hunger headache is getting worse, and because they fucking gave the scabby kid on with me the day off I have so much to do. Its quiet now but in few hours I'm gonna be running around like a headless chicken (I work in sales with builders, so much ag I hate it, so much stress)
What do you guys do to make hunger headaches go away :(
[Help] How to deal with weakness after purging?
/u/I_wont_use_this
Created: Wed May 30 00:02:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n68kz/how_to_deal_with_weakness_after_purging/
---
Is it something to do with electrolytes? I purge by throwing up if that matters. I am starting to feel super weak and tired after purging and I really don’t like it. It affects how well I do in school and I generally can’t do anything for an hour after purging because I’m too tired. Maybe I should just be asking how to stop purging so often but that’s pretty much impossible for me haha.
"How can you hate food so much, yet talk about it constantly?"
/u/MissMagus
Created: Tue May 29 23:56:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n67it/how_can_you_hate_food_so_much_yet_talk_about_it/
---
**"Normal people can't tell me what they had for dinner like a week ago, but you can recite everything you've had all month. It's crazy"**
Yeah. I know. Just kill me now. I don't want to be this way.
[Rant/Rave] WTF brain??
/u/CoffeeAndArt
Created: Tue May 29 23:47:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n65yk/wtf_brain/
---
So I'm very close to completing my first 24 hour fast, and I know that doesn't seem.like anyone but I've got a pretty bad binge eating disorder and that on top of my family life means that I've literally never been able to complete one before. I know it seems stupid af and just highlights how weak and compulsive I am, but it's an important hurdle for me.
Anyway, this isn't about that, this is about my brain making me feel like I'm faking this and lying to myself. Like I'm convinced that I have actually eaten during this, that because my stomach isn't constantly rumbling it means that I'm not fasting right and I'm gaining weight cause of all these imaginary binges I must have had... Like wtf brain? Why can't I just be happy that I'm finally completing a new fasting goal???
Why are people so horrible to overweight women?
/u/cryfer1
Created: Tue May 29 23:08:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n5yhz/why_are_people_so_horrible_to_overweight_women/
---
I hang out with a lot of guys and I've never seen any group of people talked worse about then overweight women :(
Gaining after b/p
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Tue May 29 23:01:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n5x51/gaining_after_bp/
---
I've been low restricting for weeks. Today I restricted more than usual (under 200 cals and I burned off double that with exercise) but I'm really stressed and ended up binging on four 90 calorie packets of hot chocolate and about 5 almonds. I purged it all but I terrified I'll gain weight from it. Just need reassurance that I wont because I'm so upset I can't sleep.
Fav low calorie snacks?
/u/Bleepbloopbroke
Created: Tue May 29 22:22:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n5p93/fav_low_calorie_snacks/
---
I'm kinda stuck in what I've been eating. I've got apples, applesauce, carrots, and rice cakes. So yeah, kinda boring over and over again.
What are your favorite low cal snacks that you can munch on whenever you're a bit hungry with minimal guilt?
[Rant/Rave] It's so sad.
/u/Koi-Nami
Created: Tue May 29 21:56:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n5jjt/its_so_sad/
---
My ribs weren't very visible when I looked in the mirror a while ago. Normally, that'd be healthy, good thing for people. Not to me, of course. I was horrified, devastated, and disgusted all at once. Where were those beautiful indents? When I breathed in, they were hidden beneath a layer of fat and skin that I haven't seen in years. When my boyfriend asked what was wrong, I cried, "my ribs aren't showing!" That was when it clicked in my mind. What kind of fucked up was I to be so devastated about that?
Still, I continue doing what I do. Ana, I love you and I hate you.
Relationship Paradox (kinda)
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Tue May 29 21:50:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n5i5c/relationship_paradox_kinda/
---
The best thing about a relationship is that you have someone who cares.
The worst thing about a relationship is that you have someone who cares ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU EAT AND WHO TRIES TO MAKE YOU EAT NORMALLY.
ARGHHHHHHH >:(
My eating is so out of control. 7k+ calories a day for the past 5 days (at least) WHAT EVEN IS MY APPETITE ANYMORE.
/u/magicalpixiedust
Created: Tue May 29 21:21:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n5btw/my_eating_is_so_out_of_control_7k_calories_a_day/
---
Idk what this post even is I just need to let it out. I'm so fucking frustrated with everything just to get a handle on my eating.
I feel like I've tried it all. Keto, low carb, paleo, vegan, just restricting, then not restricting, intuitive eating, coffee, ec stacks, Naltrexone, Topamax, etc. I've tried all that and I can't stop fucking eating. I always feel like I'm starving or HARDCORE CRAVING. I hate this and I hate myself.
gaining 10 lbs doesn't stop this
/u/Zefuyne
Created: Tue May 29 21:16:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n5av3/gaining_10_lbs_doesnt_stop_this/
---
How do you normally break your emotional binge cycles? I don't mean 2000 calorie binges, I mean from 3000-10,000 calorie binges.
Stomach pains
/u/ekemmer
Created: Tue May 29 21:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n5991/stomach_pains/
---
I only eat about 400-500 calories a day but every time I eat it hurts and feels like I’ve eaten the whole fridge. Anyway to get rid of that gross feeling without having to eat more? 5’7, cw 145, ugw 125, 22M
[Rant/Rave] I hate myself rn
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Tue May 29 21:05:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n58cb/i_hate_myself_rn/
---
I keep getting played by guys and each time it happens it pushes me in the wrong direction and I become stricter about restriction and it hurts so much but I can’t seem to stop. I’m so tired of feeling depressed over this shit.
I know I can’t continue this. Mainly because I’m on a dance team and I have to get stronger if I’m going to do performance. I need to start getting on a healthier path for myself mentally and physically but it’s so hard.
I want to gain muscle but I also want to be thin and dainty and beautiful. I hate this constant cycle of thinking I can do it only to just to have my confidence shot down. I want to be beautiful 🌸
I'm eating once a day but it feels like twice in a day? poss tw
/u/rxBootySlayer
Created: Tue May 29 20:54:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n55l4/im_eating_once_a_day_but_it_feels_like_twice_in_a/
---
for some reason, it feels like a day runs from the time I eat, but I wait sometimes an entire 24 hours or more before I eat dinner again. I know one day is midnight to midnight but my days feel like midnight to the next dinner of technically the next day.
Anyone else get their days THIS fucked up?
I think I'm eating 800 to 1200 a day but reality is I'm getting about half of that amount a day. This is really fucking me up, I don't know how I was eating more than this before.
I have eaten barely anything in 2 days--I'm hungry, but I have no appetite.
/u/IiteraIIy
Created: Tue May 29 20:29:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n500j/i_have_eaten_barely_anything_in_2_daysim_hungry/
---
Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8moyiz/is_it_okay_to_stress_eat_if_youre_underweight/) for some context. It's a bit irrelevent as I posted that as a generalization, but for the past few days I've had almost no appetite despite feeling hungry.
Yesterday I ate absolutely nothing--despite my mom making some fettuccine for me. She put it down and I couldn't stand the smell of it, despite loving fettuccine most of the time. I didn't eat any of it and I made my mom really sad which I feel terrible for.
Today I had a bagel with cream cheese and a small curly fry from jack-in-the-box. I still feel hungry, but every food I think of eating sounds... I don't know how to put it. I literally want to eat, but I don't want to actually eat anything.
I don't feel nauseated, but my stomach, throat, and mouth feel weird. I just don't think I could eat without making myself sick.
Does anyone have any advice about what I could do? As I mentioned in my other post I don't have any EDs, just a bit of trouble gaining weight.
Overly emotional?
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Tue May 29 20:05:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n4u5i/overly_emotional/
---
Y’all I don’t get what’s going on with me. I was having a great day until I got home and one of the people I live with broke something of mine and basically told me to get over it. And it’s something small and inexpensive I shouldn’t care about but now I’m hiding out in my room almost in tears over it. Does anyone else get this way? I’m thinking it’s my body all out of whack and adjusting to not eating a lot but I don’t know.
[Help] Lax Advice?
/u/its_freaking_bats
Created: Tue May 29 19:41:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n4ojl/lax_advice/
---
Guys I haven’t pooped in over a week and I am so bloated. I have always dealt with constipation issues in the past, even before restriction.
What is the best lax I can get that will clear me out?? I’ve tried ducolax in the past and it gave me severe cramping. Is this normal with a lax since it’s really a stimulant? Any other suggestions?
Cute/Interesting Dishes And Cutlery Thread!
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Tue May 29 19:38:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n4nqs/cuteinteresting_dishes_and_cutlery_thread/
---
Show me some of your cute, interesting, strange cutlery and dishes! Mugs and cups! Whatever tickles your fancy, let's see 'em!
[Rant/Rave] Today I was sick and ate cookies [RANT]
/u/ABlueSongbird
Created: Tue May 29 19:37:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n4nm4/today_i_was_sick_and_ate_cookies_rant/
---
Yep that’s all I did today and fuck do I feel horrible.
My body aches I have a fever and my head hurts. Can’t go to school another day cuz doctor so I’m missing finals/regionals testing and I’m gonna a fail everything.
Plus I can’t give my friend cookies I made for her birthday cuz now they’re infected with my sickness so instead I ate them all. And now I don’t have a gift to give her.
So I’m sick and fat and my life’s a total mess. And I want to die.
How you guys doing?
I want to go up to eating 1200 calories a day
/u/TouchedDistortion
Created: Tue May 29 19:33:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n4mon/i_want_to_go_up_to_eating_1200_calories_a_day/
---
Hi, never posted here. I normally eat anywhere from 0-800 calories in a day, for the past little while it's been more like 200-400 a day. I am starting to get worried about permanently slowing down my metabolism and doing other damage to my body. Is there any way I can get up to eating 1200 calories a day without ruining my progress and ideally while continuing to lose weight?
Let me know if you have any experience or knowledge in this realm. Thanks.
[Rant/Rave] Mainly a thank you post!
/u/SinfulCinnamon
Created: Tue May 29 19:28:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n4l74/mainly_a_thank_you_post/
---
I want to deeply thank the selfless people who took time to respond when I was.. not okay.. the other day/night.
I have never been so close to surrendering as I was in that time. And the fact I know I can spill my thoughts here and get raw, honest answers from all of you slightly rejuvenates me. I can at least see a short term future now. Seeing at least SOMETHING is a whole lot better than only seeing the downward black spiral I felt before. I think the rapid decline of my mental state has shown me that I for sure need to get psychiatric help. Not just with my depression but obviously my ED which is a major reason for the depression/suicidal thoughts. I feel my disorder needs to be addressed more seriously than people give me "credit" for... aka I'm normal BMI and how the fuck could someone like ME have a problem with eating. Wuttt? I eat all the time according to my friends and family 🙄
This is also another note to those who are like me and "don't think you're sick enough"- um yes you are "sick enough" even if you feel like you might not be. There's no reason to not seek help even if you have the slightest change in mental health. Quietly questioning yourself? Get checked out. I wish I did wayyyy before. Don't get to this point if you can avoid it.
Regardless, I love this community so much. Even as much as I've tried to not be "apart" of it and just browse for the most part and thinking I'm just so special/not the same/a random anomaly. Nah bruh. Im not. You probably aren't either! Either way though! You matter! I matter! Thank you Matthew from the suicide hotline who drilled that into my fucked up head in the nicest, most effective way somehow. He saved me when I thought I wasn't saveable. And hopefully I can save one of you by whatever means possible. For the rest of you lovelies, I hope you never get to that breaking point and always know your worth. ❤️ cheers to trying to recover
[Rant/Rave] Something interesting happened today...
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Tue May 29 19:13:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n4hse/something_interesting_happened_today/
---
I have a ritual when I “chew and spit” where I’ll prepare whatever it is that I’m consuming and then grab a plastic grocery bag to dispose of the evidence. I live with my dad and we have a container in the kitchen full of plastic bags we’ve collected over the years, we have to at least have hundreds.
So anyway, per usual I prepared my meal to c/s and went to grab a grocery bag so I could complete my ritual. The container was COMPLETELY empty. My dad and sister claim they have no idea where the bags went.
It’s strange. It’s almost like my spirit guides or some divine force intervened. Who knows, maybe I’m just losing it.
Either way, I won’t be chewing and spitting that lovely meal tonight.
[Help] has anyone used polyethylene glycol regularly?
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Tue May 29 19:08:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n4gef/has_anyone_used_polyethylene_glycol_regularly/
---
tmi but its the only thing that makes me poop and im wondering if its ok to use multiple times a week
[Discussion] Weird Question, Anyone else get a tingling (?) sensation when they haven't worked out in a while?
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Tue May 29 18:55:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n4dg0/weird_question_anyone_else_get_a_tingling/
---
I didn't word that right but I start to feel the flab, especially in my inner thigh, under my butt, and under my arms. I had a nasty eye infection which put me in bed for most of last week and the whole weekend so I haven't worked out in a week. And I started getting these weird bouts of anxiety that were specific to finite areas? Like my legs and arms was anxious or something? And my butt felt like it was lowering and feeling saggy and heavy. I don't know if that makes sense but I pretty much thought I was going insane. I worked out today and I feel much better after but I wanted to know if any of you ever experienced something like that or if I am, in fact, looney bonkers.
I might be going to jail for a little bit.
/u/_comethrowawaywithme
Created: Tue May 29 18:43:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n4af8/i_might_be_going_to_jail_for_a_little_bit/
---
I'm being charged for something I didn't do. I've never been in trouble before.
I have no appetite due to my extreme anxiety and frustration.
While I was in holding, the food they served us was the most incredulously disgusting slop I'd ever seen, without exaggeration. They cook with no seasonings and a lot of hatred. I mean, I've eaten McDonald's leftovers out of the kitchen garbage can during a ravenous binge before, but merely thinking of jail food makes my stomach sour.
The only positive side I can see to losing my job, gaining a criminal record, and possibly spending my summer locked inside, is that I would definitely lose a lot of weight. I'm already unintentionally losing weight due to stress as I await trial. :)
Silver linings, people!
[Help] Skin Discoloration
/u/pinpeach
Created: Tue May 29 18:12:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n42w4/skin_discoloration/
---
Okay so i have no idea if this is ed related or not but i’ve been getting large very subtle patches of skin that turn a more yellow or tan color that is hard to explain. The skin doesn’t feel any different and the patches are not really noticeable. i have noticed that they seem to be in areas with bruising a lot and they are on my whole body especially legs. if anyone knows what this could be i would be interested to know.
[Other] This sucks, but I’m thinking of jumping on the lax train :/
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Tue May 29 17:47:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n3wp1/this_sucks_but_im_thinking_of_jumping_on_the_lax/
---
But not because I want to engage in some hands-free purging...my meds make me hella constipated! 😱
Seriously, I’m so not down to not poop for days on end. I hadn’t taken a shit in 4 days. I did this morning, and wooowww, that was not fun. Hurt like a motherfucker, and it felt like my colon was exorcising a demon. Ughhh, why tf is this happening to me?
Fucking Wellbutrin. I feel like an old person, with my probiotic and poo-aides. And bone health vitamins, fml. Just get my ass a cane and some Bengay, and I’m full-on elderly 😂😂😂
Guess it’s better than not pooping, right?
Psychiatrist an a eating disorder
/u/ekemmer
Created: Tue May 29 17:31:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n3ste/psychiatrist_an_a_eating_disorder/
---
Sorry if this is wrong or doesn’t belong here, I don’t know where to post it. But my psychiatrist isn’t understanding me or maybe I’m not explaining myself right. I have bipolar depression, anxiety, ptsd, ocd an a eating disorder. I stopped taking my meds a few months back because they made me get an appetite and gain weight. I told my psychiatrist this and he prescribed me Zoloft to calm down my ocd with having to go to the gym everyday day and said my eating will come back once the ocd calms down. I told him I was nervous about going back on meds because I didn’t want to gain weight and he pretty much said that’ll go away after I start Zoloft. I told him and my therapist that it wouldn’t work because since I’m so scared of gaining weight, my eating will get worse and my compulsion with having to go to the gym will get worse too. After a coupled weeks on the new medication (Zoloft), I was right. I’ve lost 5/7 lbs from not eating and going to the gym religiously. I saw my psychiatrist again today and he just told me to up the dosages. Am I not explaining something right or does my psychiatrist just suck??
Fasting and I want to die (not going to do it, just ftr) TRIGGER WARNING!
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo
Created: Tue May 29 17:01:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n3l6v/fasting_and_i_want_to_die_not_going_to_do_it_just/
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I'm fasting. It's day two, and honestly at this point, though I'm too much of a coward to ever go through with it.. I WANT to die. VERY badly.
Not because of the fast itself, specifically. But because this will never end. I WANT it to end, but it never will.
My entire life is going to be a choice between being miserable with my body, or miserable with what I have to do to NOT be miserable with my body.
Maybe I'll just continue the fast indefinitely. Just, never eat again and let chance decide when I die (I'm obese, so it'll take a while)? Sounds better than either of the alternatives. After another day or two, I know I'll hit that beautiful, freeing moment when the hunger goes away, and I can just exist, free of the prison that is food.
Maybe I really could stay like that forever. Just drink enough zero calorie drinks with citric acid and sodium so I don't die of thirst or my body turning off water absorption and... Waste away.
At least I'd probably die thin.
[Rant/Rave] I just binged
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Tue May 29 16:54:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n3jax/i_just_binged/
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I just binged after a 24 hour fast and I want to die. I tried to purge but my gag reflex is non existent and i’ve never really been able to do it. I feel so bad about my body and i’ve never cried so much in my life, I just want it to all stop.
[Discussion] apps!!
/u/fairshine
Created: Tue May 29 16:06:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n36nq/apps/
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what are yalls favourite apps for ed related things? besides the MFP app of course. I just got a new phone so I’m looking for new things to download.
also, side note, what are your favourite phone games?
Reaching Out
/u/PortableSympathy
Created: Tue May 29 16:05:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n3696/reaching_out/
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Hi everyone! I made a side account (friends/family know my main) and wanted to get this out there because something happened today that made me decide to reach out. But first, my life story (VERY much shortened, lol)
I grew up a pretty kid. I wasn't very smart or nice, but I was cute and people hung on to me for that reason. Not just pretty, but skinny. I ate whatever I wanted and stayed pencil thin all through my teen years. And so, I started to depend on my looks more than anything else. Everything revolved around how my body looked, how much attention I got, how tiny my waist was.
And then, as my metabolism started to slow down, I got bigger. Not much, but I definitely begrudgingly noticed. A couple of weeks ago, I found the fasting subreddit and thought "Wow, that sounds like a good idea!" So I didn't eat for a day. And it felt so good, it was scary. The thought of my body eating itself was amazing. So I did it another day, and another. Eating got less and less appealing, and as soon as I saw the tiniest change in my stomach, I never wanted to eat again.
My boyfriend was absent for a few weeks and came back today. He asked if I wanted Chinese food for dinner. Chinese food was my absolute favorite, I would always want it all the time and wolf it down like there's no tomorrow. But the thought of eating it just now struck me down. I was so grossly conflicted, I don't want to gain weight again. I wanted to puke at the idea of ruining the hard work I've put in so far. I just started breaking down in front of him, gross crying, nose snot, the whole nine yards.
He was understandably confused, and I said sorry and that I need some time, and could he go buy me cigarettes (They help my hunger a ton)? So now he's gone and I'm trying to calm down. I decided to join this community because I'm certain I'm developing (or already developed) a problem, and thought it would be a good idea to connect with people going through similar feelings.
I'm not really asking for anything, just wanted to tell my little story and get it off my chest. Much love!
-Porta
Happy Scale app has a “prediction” section that is causing me stress from its unatainability
/u/ThermalAnvil
Created: Tue May 29 15:49:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n31v6/happy_scale_app_has_a_prediction_section_that_is/
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https://i.redd.it/6ac1s3ua8v011.jpg
Normal fasting or disordered eating in denial?
/u/starchmonster
Created: Tue May 29 15:32:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n2x6h/normal_fasting_or_disordered_eating_in_denial/
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So I found out about this sub from r/fasting, and I've been wondering whether I'm in denial about developing an eating disorder.
I used to have a very bad obsessive and disordered relationship with food and my body with binge-restrict cycles. I'm in a lot better place now. I don't obsessively count calories, look at thinspo, constantly body check, or hate my body (though I don't exactly love it either). I'm not so black and white about food anymore.
I am still obsessive about food though - like I think about food a lot and my next meal. If there's food around me, I get hyper focused on it. I often feel like I eat too much, though I'm less harsh on myself about it. I focus on trying to eat healthy, but I don't deny myself processed foods if I really want them.
So in some sense, I feel like I have a pretty good relationship with food now.
I still want to lose weight though. I have a normal BMI but I want to get to the lower end of the normal range (18.5-19.5). I've been doing IF + OMAD + fasting. I've convinced myself eating around 600 calories is normal for me because I am short and my TDEE is only ~1300. Recently, I've been full with only that amount (new meds suppressing appetite), and it feels so wrong to eat more if I'm full. I've always felt like I'm someone with an abnormally large appetite that eats too much (and thinks about food too much). Now that my appetite is suppressed, I finally feel like I'm eating closer to the right amount for my size. But then everyone's like "all people need at least 1200-1500 calories a day". .... But my TDEE is only ~1300 and I want to lose weight. So does eating less make my eating disordered? I feel like I have to eat less to lose weight.
On one hand, I feel like I am fine because I don't have particular fear foods, though there are foods I avoid (like oil). I tell myself I'm allowed to eat whatever I want. I try not to punish or shame myself if I eat something unhealthy. I don't fast to compensate or punish myself, though I do want to speed up weight loss.
At the same time, I know my relationship with food is not exactly normal. I think about food rather obsessively. I get triggered easily. I'm constantly comparing how much I eat with others. I get upset & angry (both at myself and others) when I eat the same amount or more than others - I feel like I have to eat less because I'm so short. I can get paranoid about people watching me eat. I sometimes get paranoid about competitions to eat less. When others push food on me, I get angry and feel like I have to eat extra little in order to exert control and not let them "win". It's kind of messed up.
While I know the paranoid & controlling thoughts are messed up, I still feel like eating little and fasting is normal. It's not like I want to look skeletal... Plus why eat more when I'm not hungry for more. Though, sometimes I want to eat less and less as a means of exerting control when I feel like others are trying to control what I eat - not because I want to look skeletal but because I hate feeling controlled and want to undereat as a means of rebelling. Messed up, I know. But at the same time, I'm not trying to starve myself to look pretty enough. I do want to be skinny, but I'm trying not to be extreme about it or fall into the negative self-hating guilt trap which only leads to binges (and I haven't binged in a long time... I credit that to my letting myself eat whatever I want without trying to shame myself).
I don't know. Well, I know my relationship with food is not normal, but I feel like it's fine to fast/eat little because I'm not doing it as punishment or out of guilt or a need to compensate.
me vs. chicken: a saga
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Tue May 29 15:22:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n2u5e/me_vs_chicken_a_saga/
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hi friends,
okay this is a stupid post and I know that. but maybe someone knows something I don't. I've been restricting for awhile, but after getting sick realized I needed way more nutrients in many areas, protein being one of them. I hate eating chicken because I feel like a portion always comes out to more than 100 calories - but I eat it frequently anyway as a large part of my calorie allowance because protein.
the thing is, there seems to be no agreement on how many calories are in chicken. like it's always the same - i buy boneless, skinless chicken breast, and bake it with spices and no oil etc.
then i weigh the amount of chicken i'm about to eat in grams. (for instance, today I had 90 grams.) if I put that into MFP, it tells me 160 calories. google says anywhere from 90-250 calories. how are the calorie counts so varied for something so simple? how many damn calories are in 90 grams of skinless boneless chicken breast? omg. it's driving me nuts. i always pick a value down the middle but I'm tired of having to guess. lol. rant over. fuck chicken.
DAE feel upset when you get your bra size checked?
/u/quipknit
Created: Tue May 29 15:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n2t0o/dae_feel_upset_when_you_get_your_bra_size_checked/
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For me, it’s the following reasons:
1. I do not want to buy new bras because bras are ridiculously expensive.
2. Boobs are basically sacks of fat on my chest contributing to my weight, so I don’t want to see my cup size increase because it makes me feel like I’m only getting fatter.
3. Skinny friends always say, “but you have boobs” whenever I say that I feel like I’m a fat monster. Well Jan, how do you think they got there?
4. I always expect my bra size to go down whenever I’ve been losing weight. Especially the band size.
5. I have to get shirts that are larger to make room for them when having to get a size L makes me want to hyperventilate
[Rant/Rave] Monthly rant about how much I hate BED
/u/cisheterpatriarchy
Created: Tue May 29 15:07:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n2px0/monthly_rant_about_how_much_i_hate_bed/
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I was doing so well.. I reached my first goal weight... people were noticing i'd lost weight. I felt somewhat Confident for the first time in a long time. And then I don't knownw what happened, I don't know what triggered it. I just fucking ate everything. And usually, I stop when I feel very full. I didn't stop this time, I kept going and going even though I felt like I was going to explode. I didn't feel any happiness when binging, nor relief. I felt pure anger and desperation. I continued to binge while tears were running down my face
This repeated 3 times straight. I am experiencing the worst stomach pain I have ever experienced. My skin looks disgusting. I have no energy to do absolutely anything. I don't even want to leave the house.
I am so sick of this. Fuck BED. No one I can speak to understands. I'm just a fat girl who can't stop eating.
I feel like this cycle will never end. I am so sad and I want to go one day in my life where I am not thinking about food. Just one day where I can eat like a normal person and not give a second thought to it. Because I haven't had one of those days in years
[Discussion] Should I go out for dinner or not?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Tue May 29 14:58:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n2nit/should_i_go_out_for_dinner_or_not/
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I have not had a binge over 1200 calories in 60 days and my partner is begging for a date I just don’t know if I can bring myself to do it
[Other] Not the greatest
/u/hollywould83
Created: Tue May 29 14:53:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n2m1x/not_the_greatest/
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Can't deal.. I feel huge today and I can't take the pressure of not seeing the number I want to see on the scale. I have to be perfect, and right now I am anything but.
How to eat less around parents?
/u/AngelDelphi
Created: Tue May 29 14:52:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n2lkn/how_to_eat_less_around_parents/
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I live in the same house with my parents, and they make it impossible for me to do any meal skipping/restricting. Neither of them knows I have an ED (to my knowledge), but my dad always makes me eat way more than I should whenever we have dinner, and it's always unhealthy food. Whenever I try to say I'm not hungry or I need to skip a meal, they get upset and make me have something anyways. The best I can do is purge, but I really don't want to have to purge every single day. I'm getting around 120 lbs (current goal is 100 or less) and I feel horrible. Does anyone have any tips so I can get them off my back/be able to eat less or nothing around them?
[Discussion] Bad skin?
/u/qncg
Created: Tue May 29 14:45:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n2jnx/bad_skin/
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So I know it's super common to get really gross skin when you're not solid on nutrition, mine is simultaneously greasy and super dry. Idk how it's even possible. Any home remedies or tips for taking care of your skin? I take a multivitamin and attempt to be as hydrated as possible.
Ednos Relapse: An Introduction
/u/chicaflaca
Created: Tue May 29 14:43:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n2j02/ednos_relapse_an_introduction/
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Despite my username, I am not a skinny girl. I just made this throwaway so I could post here, introduce myself and hold myself accountable.
I reached my lowest weight (103) in my sophomore year of high school mainly by going on multiple-day fasts and eating one high-calorie meal-a-day when not fasting.
I never underwent any treatment but my weight has shot up almost to my HW three years later (today). I've managed to lose about five pounds so far. This time, I'm going to try restricting. I think the fact that I never managed to restrict my calories is why I put the weight back on in the first place.
My kitchen is stocked with some low-cal foods I actually like, and I've been able to resist the siren song of junk food and soda to moderate success. It's difficult to fast/restrict since I've spent most of my time not working at home since I've graduated, but I'm going to try to occupy that free-time with homework at the library. I've also started EC stacking.
I'm not sure where to put this in my flair but my UGW is 95...
[Discussion] Shark Week snacks 🤔
/u/coffeeandselfhatred
Created: Tue May 29 14:33:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n2g38/shark_week_snacks/
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Ladies, it’s that time of month and the cravings are freakin’ intense this time around. I have a few safe foods I stick to when it’s that time of month, but I wanted to see if you guys had any better options.
I’m heading to the store soon and wanted to try out some new things besides my usual Power Crunch bars, Lenny and Larry’s Double Chocolate and 100 calorie kettle corn. L&L make me bloat like crazy, but it’s such a good chocolate fix. 😭
What are you favorite sweet or salty snacks during that time of the month?
I can't stop eating my emotions.
/u/honeycomb1991
Created: Tue May 29 14:14:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n2afq/i_cant_stop_eating_my_emotions/
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So, today sucked. Really bad. Things at work are very hectic and disorganized right now and just extremely overwhelming. Getting different instructions from different people, so on, and I ended up having a pretty major panic attack and having to leave halfway thru my shift.
And I did what I always do when I'm upset... I turn to food for comfort. Came home and ordered a shit ton of food from McDonald's, a horrifying amount, scarfed it all down and now I feel a different kind of terrible.
I feel so hopeless, I don't know what to do. I get upset and I eat, I seek comfort from food. But then I eat... and eat... and eat and then I feel even worse.
[Intro] I’m baaaaack
/u/mild-rose
Created: Tue May 29 14:03:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n272b/im_baaaaack/
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I don’t know if any of you remember me, but hello again!
I’m mild, I’m one of the mods of this subreddit from back in the day and I’m officially back to stay for now!
Recovery hasn’t gone too well, and I’m at my heaviest weight in a year, which isn’t something I’m comfortable with.
But I’m excited to be back, this has always been such a cool community so hello 👋🏻
I don’t feel hungry
/u/bleedingsnowblind
Created: Tue May 29 13:27:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n1w9m/i_dont_feel_hungry/
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I’ve been restricting for two weeks between 850-1200 calories. Most days I eat around 900. I eat whole food Keto—chicken and kale mostly. I use local grass fed butter and locally processed olive oil and pink sea salt to flavor everything. I drink about a liter of lemon and mineral water a day. I walk 30 min at least 4 times a week, do HIIT on the elliptical twice a week and lift weights for each body section twice each week.
I am 5’6 and 166 pounds.
I feel amazing and not hungry, but I have a medium/large frame and my bones are already starting to stick out (the weights some women are at seem impossible to me). I was dizzy at first but now I feel really good.
Is this normal? Is the high fat keeping me full? I cook and Measure every single morsel that passes my lips so I know what the calories are.
TW: Overwhelmed and want to die
/u/bboombbboom
Created: Tue May 29 13:25:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n1vry/tw_overwhelmed_and_want_to_die/
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I’m currently on the train to work and I have such an extreme urge to get get off at the next stop and just jump in front of incoming traffic.
I’ve been on antidepressants for about 4 months, and They worked for a bit, but now it’s like I just crashed and feel really depressed and suicidal. This has happened with me and other antidepressants in the past few years, which was why I was hellbent on taking these after a 5 year hiatus.
I don’t know if it’s the medication or what, but I feel so overwhelmed right now I could cry.
[Tip] Apple / pineapple mono diet results
/u/bunkinpumpkin
Created: Tue May 29 13:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n1pos/apple_pineapple_mono_diet_results/
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Not sure anyone cares about the dumbest diet ever, but I tried out the apple mono diet this weekend. I got complacent this month and gained back some weight so fuck that? But I can't fast, I can't work while fasting. Or stand really, drive, be human. So I tried apple mono. Wanted to do 4-5 days? Broke third evening, bah. Starting again today.
Here are the results:
Day 1: Two boxes of chopped pineapple, two grapefruit - am: 130.3 - pm: 129.6
Day 2: Two apples three applesauce 2 apples 1 grapefruit dulcolax - am: 127.6 - pm:126.2
Day 3: two apples, third apple, one enchilada, broccoli , 1 grapefruit- am:125.6
End(today): 127.4lbs
Yup, I did terribly at being actually "mono" but I'm also fighting possibly a new bout of pancreatitis from eating keto(and sometimes almond mono) for the last five months SO it as a relief to eat medium carb no fat foods for several days. Going to try and stay on this apple/pineapple/grapefruit routine, and get to under 120.
Gaining weight on 1200cals??
/u/PM_M3_UR_SECRETS
Created: Tue May 29 13:04:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n1plr/gaining_weight_on_1200cals/
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How the fuck is it possible for me to gain weight on eating what's supposedly less than my BMR for one single week?!
I visited a friend in Paris and I counted every single thing I ate and drank, I made myself look like a completely fucked up neurotic idiot in front of her by using a food scale for every tiny thing that went into my body. I made sure to eat no more than 1200 calories, fasted until the afternoon/evening almost every day and in addition to all that I was walking around pretty much all day! How the fuck is it possible that I gained a kg? It's not just water weight either, I haven't gotten back to the weight I was before the trip in three days, water weight doesn't stick that long, right? And it's not food weight because, TMI but, ya girl has diarrhea, so I should be pretty emptied out by now.
I was already freaking out when I ate 1200 and maintained for a week last month, now I'm fucking gaining? I used to LOSE when eating 1200. I thought starvation mode was a myth. Yet here we fucking are. Sorry for this boring stupid rant, but I am just so frustrated and I don't know what to do. Fuck.
[Rant/Rave] Guess my boyfriend thinks I don’t deserve to eat either.
/u/coffeeandselfhatred
Created: Tue May 29 12:59:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n1o9r/guess_my_boyfriend_thinks_i_dont_deserve_to_eat/
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I am having the worst day. I have to vent right now. I may be over reacting but right now this seems like the end of the world. I’ll probably look back at this and think I’m stupid but whatever.
I decided to go grab lunch for my boyfriend and I and take it to his work before I run to the grocery store. I never go to the store hungry or I go over my budget and buy things we don’t need. We are on a REALLY tight budget right now but I am able to leave about $20 aside for us to eat out once a week, which is usually my grocery day when I take him lunch.
I just got food for the two of us, and I don’t know what happened but I was talking...and when I was done I was going to eat. All of the food was gone. He ate his meal and mine, I guess he assumed it was all for him...I don’t know. I got him a sandwich and fries, and myself a grilled chicken sandwich with no mayo, just veggies.
I couldn’t even say anything. I just keep crying. I specifically planned for this. I had my day planned around it, my budget planned...
I just don’t understand. Why is my brain like this.
[Rant/Rave] I bought scales again
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Tue May 29 12:53:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n1mim/i_bought_scales_again/
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I need to update my flair because I'm 122 now not 120. I'm not going to tell my girlfriend I've bought them, I'm not sure I want to recover anymore. I've had a really rough few days, I was raped just over 5 years ago and I've been waking up feeling his hands on my back and sides and pressed against my girlfriends wall so my self esteem is already rock bottom because I feel so ashamed of it happening, I feel dirty despite the fact I showered this morning. In addition I've eaten a lot today, a sandwich, pack of crisps, two slices of toast, a bowl of corn flakes \(my friends say that my bowl is 'small' but I don't believe them\), a cocktail sausage, 3/4 of a rolo bar, a magnum ice cream a small sausage roll and some cheddar crackers, despite the fact I played rounders for a while, walked up a kinda steep incline twice and walked to where we were having the picnic \(only 5 mins each way\) I feel like I can't justify eating so much. I feel huge and my stomach is making my cute blouse bulge out. I feel so unattractive and I don't wanna ask my girlfriend to compliment me cause she's not huge on giving them but I also really wanna hear that she finds me attractive but I feel so manipulative. I feel like if I lose weight I'll feel pretty, I don't want to see a bulge anymore when I look down at my stomach, I want my thigh gap back. I wanna be told that I'm attractive.
I'm sorry guys
[Help] Anyone know how to change the setting on MFP?
/u/caticorn23
Created: Tue May 29 12:52:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n1m4p/anyone_know_how_to_change_the_setting_on_mfp/
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So you know how MFP (my fitness pal) had the thing where at the end of everyday it’d tell you what weight you’d be at in 5 weeks if you kept eating how you were? How do you get that feature back if at all possible? It helped me a lot and kept me going steady towards my goals. Thanks for any info possible!
UM this is so good wtf. strawberry flavour is also so good
/u/mandolin_handsfree
Created: Tue May 29 12:07:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n193v/um_this_is_so_good_wtf_strawberry_flavour_is_also/
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https://i.redd.it/4lbe64et4u011.jpg
[Other] I made a MeWe group for us if anyone is interested, where you can talk in a group chat and make ED jokes all day :)
/u/oxvd
Created: Tue May 29 11:54:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n15c3/i_made_a_mewe_group_for_us_if_anyone_is/
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[removed]
[Other] r/1200isplenty still being in denial
/u/kein0815
Created: Tue May 29 11:52:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n14mm/r1200isplenty_still_being_in_denial/
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https://i.redd.it/115eleb62u011.jpg
Obsessed
/u/pasamelacatsup
Created: Tue May 29 11:46:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n12xu/obsessed/
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https://imgur.com/NfrFGqm
walking encyclopedia for calories
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Tue May 29 11:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0zbf/walking_encyclopedia_for_calories/
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Funny in a fucked up way, but two years of an ED later and I can tell you the calorie count in pretty much everything. Fun party trick!
Writing my weight on my hand
/u/PerfctBodyPerfctSoul
Created: Tue May 29 11:24:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0wiv/writing_my_weight_on_my_hand/
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When I was a little baby Ana, oh so many years ago (because I'm an old decrepit 30 year old now), I used to wear a red bracelet as a reminder of my goals and not to eat. I was also in a very different life situation back then, so those simple color cues worked and I lived blissfully in the land of the barely alive.
Life is crazier now in different ways. I'm not in one long manic starvation period. I have children. I'm not teaching until autumn. Life is full of temptation. I mean, I know I'm not objectively fat, but this is the heaviest I've ever been and I still feel like using a carving knife on myself.
Ehh, anyway. I'm ten pounds away from being underweight. I need to get back there. Particularly, I want to get back there before I go back to visit family in LA in mid June. New solution to the red bracelet:
I've started writing my weight on my hand in red ink. Everyday. It's a visceral reminder of how disgusting I am. Ten pounds in twenty days. Number on my hand everyday.
I can do this.
[Academic Study] Ethnicity, Body Image, and Health Behaviors (18-25 year olds living in the United States)
/u/WildSe7enBoi91
Created: Tue May 29 11:23:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0w4v/academic_study_ethnicity_body_image_and_health/
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https://llu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8eq0VBhBmvfJ1s1
Trying to recover made me fat
/u/MSplinterED
Created: Tue May 29 11:14:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0tsf/trying_to_recover_made_me_fat/
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I binge purge occasionally. I got told over and over how bad purging is. So I stopped. No one seems to care if you still binge though.
I've gained 30+ lbs in the last 6 months- year.
Fuck this. Idk what to do anymore.
Every time these boys talks to me about calories I just want to laugh in their face.
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Tue May 29 10:57:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0omi/every_time_these_boys_talks_to_me_about_calories/
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I swear to God I know like 6 guys who do NOT count calories but insist they burn 4500 to 8000 calories a day. Average sized guys who work out on occasion but are in no way running triathlons every 3 days. Literal morons. I don't care enough to try and tell them differently which will NO DOUBT give me at least 30 minutes of there self assured argument on what their average pudgy bodies need to sustain their lifestyle of playing video games all day. Why do some guys just pull a huge number out of their ass and insist that it's their BMR?? Literally they don't even count calories why do they think that theyre a scientific anomaly who needs to eat a much as 4 people.
[Rant/Rave] I just want to lose 10 lbs
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Tue May 29 10:40:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0jvo/i_just_want_to_lose_10_lbs/
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I am fairly happy w my body but when I eat anything I feel disgusting. So if I lose just a lil more it will compensate for that...
I am 105 and have been for 5 months. If I could just lose 5 or 10lbs that would be my goal weight and then I could feel good about maintaining.
But half the time I can rationalize that 105 is not overweight and any normal person would be ok with that weight and so I give in to urges to eat. Then I feel fucking huge and have to fast for 2-3 days to feel good about myself.
The worst part is it would be sooo easy if I just counted my cals or ate fucking healthy but I like to starve and eat junk. Fml
And I’m 5’1 so 105 isn’t even that small
I'm 5'5 not 5'6
/u/Suusss
Created: Tue May 29 10:35:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0ihr/im_55_not_56/
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I measured myself last summer (I actually got a bunch of kids to help me no-shame-lol) and I was pretty sure I was 67.75cm which put me closer to 68cm (5'6)
BUT NOW I'm thinking those kids were KIDS and didn't MEASURE PROPERLY because I measured myself last night /twice/ and N O P E, I'm 166.25 cm. I'm 5'5. I thought my BMI was 18, but no, it's 19.1 now. It's always been 19.1
I'M DYING - I have to throw away every weight tracking chart I've ever made because the BMIs are all off now. My UGW was 109 bc it safely put me under 18 and I've thought this for y e a r s
So now.. I feel all kinds of fucked up. IDK if I even can lower that weight to something like 105, or if it's even reasonable to do so because now I have huge dysmorphia due to the fact that I am SQUATTER THAN I THOUGHT - it's already so hard to get below 110 in my current environment which I hoped to acheive before August...
fuckingkmsomgfuckkk this is 100% rant material. Wah. WAH. I always thought it was w/e I didn't pursue modelling bc I wasn't 5'7 and that's why it was hard but I am so out of the height league it's so shocking.
[Discussion] dae feel like they're never hungry anymore ?
/u/arabella_05
Created: Tue May 29 10:34:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0hzl/dae_feel_like_theyre_never_hungry_anymore/
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this is hard to articulate bc i've never been able to find someone who relates but now I've found my people ...
does anyone else feel like they're never truly hungry and they will eat just to satisfy their greed/they want to eat junk ?
i don't find it 'difficult' to fast but if i know i can spare the calories, i will have a kit kat just bc it's 100kcal of deliciousness and i only eat at dinner so my parents don't get suspicious and i just poke around at the food
is this a super obvious thing that i've given a lot of weight (lol) to in my head ?
First Time Posting
/u/SirenAscended
Created: Tue May 29 10:18:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0dj2/first_time_posting/
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Hello, I've never posted in this sub, and I don't know if this would really belong here or not (and consequently which flair I should use, so I apologize, I've placed it under Rant/Rave because that seemed the most appropriate). I've read the rules, so I don't think I'm violating any of them, sorry if I misunderstood something.
I don't think I would say I have an ED, but I do have an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food. I feel like it would most likely be related to binging though. I'm not seeking advice or anything, just kind of speaking my mind in a way I don't feel like I can to anyone else.
I LOVE bad food (fast food, breads, chips, etc). And I eat it all the time. I'm overweight, but not as much as you'd think I'd be with my previous statement. I'm too fat for lippo though. I've been looking into all of the weight loss tools, lying to myself saying I know "it's just a tool, it's not the magical solution". I'm looking for "the magical solution" so that I can keep being a binge machine. I despise my tummy fat and wiggling arms; everything else, I'm fine with.
I love and hate exercise. I know that it works; it makes me feel better, and, if I can stick with it, it does produce results. I'm scared of my breast size going down though. I fee like I'm nothing without my boobs.
I'm sorry, I know this is all over the place. Thanks for listening.
TAN or PALE???
/u/hellahungryy
Created: Tue May 29 10:17:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0d33/tan_or_pale/
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Which do you prefer?? I’m a tanorexic because I feel like a deep tan makes you look smaller, but pale skin makes you look sicker I think. Also I know not everyone can change their skin tone!! All tones are gorgeous ♥️
Stuff your parents did that messed up your relationship with food/your body image
/u/LateAsparagus
Created: Tue May 29 10:09:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0avg/stuff_your_parents_did_that_messed_up_your/
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I was reminded by this thanks to the "Foods that will be the death of you" thread, where I mentioned that cereal is my /#1 binge food because when I was a child my mum wouldn't buy it because she feared it'd make us kids fat. My parents were and still are both overweight (my mum was always like BMI 27, while my father has always been either slightly obese or slightly under the cutoff of BMI 30. As you may already see, they have always been *very* open about their weighs), but they tried their best to make sure me and my brother wouldn't get fat, it's just that they went a bit wrong with it.
Another thing was that because of my dad's issues with blood sugar, there wouldn't be candy, pastries, puddings or other good snacks like that in the house often, and on the rare occasion there was something good in the house, I'd basically have to compete my brother for it. This shows even today when I live alone in that if there's anything sugary I have to eat it all at once. Like one time I bought custard to eat with fruit and thought it's last me for several days, but the entire night after buying it I tossed and turned in my bed, thinking about the custard like a maniac and when the alarm woke me up in the morning, I went straight to the cupboard and drank the entire fucking carton of custard.
My dad has never really tried to lose weight, but my mum has gone through every diet from shakes to straight up fasting. Her favourite has always been the cabbage soup diet, and she's done it regularly for as long as I can remember: she's lose like 5-10 kilos in a short amount of time and rave about it, go back to her old habits, gain back the weight, do the cabbage soup diet again, lose weight, gain it back etc ad. Following her model I learned how to lose massive amounts of weight (I now know that 99% of it is water) in short amount of time with questionable methods, but I have no idea how to maintain a healthy weight.
My parents were also adamant that I'd need at least one sporty hobby, so I played soccer which I despised since I was slow and clumsy, I'd much rather spend my time skiing or hiking. Thanks to this I hated sports for a really long time, until in my early 20s I discovered biking and trail running, and found out that it's ok for me to do exercise on my own, at my own pace, without someone yelling at me to go faster.
Too many hours in the day
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Tue May 29 10:00:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n08bd/too_many_hours_in_the_day/
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I ate 650 calories before noon :/ I woke up so incredibly hungry and EC stacked to try to compensate, but obviously my hunger won out.
I was already feeling like shit too because I weighed in at 140. I drank last night and my one meal was a home cooked dinner that I estimate was ~600 calories, giving me a 1,000 cal total for the day, so I'm confident it's water retention, still sucks either way.
In theory, I know I could just not eat the rest of the day but it's only NOON. This is why I try not to eat before 2pm, because now there just seems like sooo much time left in my day :/
[Discussion] If you are someone who suffers from BED has your disorder ever caused you any permanent gastrointestinal problems?
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Tue May 29 09:52:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0612/if_you_are_someone_who_suffers_from_bed_has_your/
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It has caused some severe ones for me and I’d be curious to hear if others have had similar issues.
Food Diary Day 3
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Tue May 29 09:51:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n05tm/food_diary_day_3/
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Ugh y’all I’m writing so late! It’s almost lunch time already! I got to work and haven’t had a chance to sit and write this out. But the good news is work has been super physical. I typically have a desk job but my heart rate has been in the fat burn zone for like 2 hours and I’ve burn 1145.
Now onto the food. I had a bagel with cream cheese again today so 300. For lunch I’m having some leftover cauliflower fried rice and a grilled chicken thigh. So about 250. And good news I remembered my rice cakes today so I’ll probably have one of those too!
"Ninety-Nine?!?!"
/u/sad_skelly
Created: Tue May 29 09:42:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n03aa/ninetynine/
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Sometimes memories from my childhood spring up to me and remind me why I'm restricting, fasting, and doing all this to myself. This particular memory happened about 3 years ago and it haunts me to this day, so I'm going to share it here as restriction fuel.
Our school was doing a survey on obesity and the Stundents were all getting weighed and measured, class by class. I was in class with my best friend and she got weighed before me. She was pretty thin, and underweight at a BMI of about 17.
I was the last one on the list, and measured at a whopping 99 kilos, like more than 200 pounds I'd guess for my American friends. I got out of the weighing room ashamed and all my classmates, including a couple of people who bullied me, we're sitting huddled on a couple of stairs, my best friend near them. I sat next to her and she asked me how much I weighed, and I told her the truth.
I remember her reaction as clear as I don't know what. She opened her mouth, covered it with her hand, began to laugh and exclaimed "Ninety-Nine?? Wow!" In this sort of amused, sick disgust and disbelief. "That's double what I weigh!" She said. Everyone looked up in surprise. My other friend hushed her and told her it was really rude of her, but my best friend is naturally very unaware and naive.
God, I'm suddenly glad I threw up everything I ate yesterday. Maybe one day I won't disgust people.
[Discussion] Anyone else want to cover up more, the less you weigh?
/u/flowertaco
Created: Tue May 29 09:38:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8n0225/anyone_else_want_to_cover_up_more_the_less_you/
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I am down nearly 20 pounds from this January. I was so excited to lose the weight so that I could feel more confident in cute clothes... I dreamed of finally wearing the straps little tank tops and short shorts in the back of my closet, buying crop tops etc... now that I am approaching my initial goal weight, I try any of this on and don’t know whether to laugh or cry. My arms. My fat fucking pork chop arms. My stretch marked boobs from gaining all that weight. Visible veins. Muffin top. Nasty, dimpled thighs. I look like a sad little troll playing dress up. And even worse, I am so fucking HUMILIATED that I wore this shit when I was heavier and oblivious to what a fat pig I am. Sigh. Kill me now... and bury me in an oversized shirt and sweats plz and thanks.
[Tip] Tips?
/u/totally_not_a_donut
Created: Tue May 29 09:15:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mzvmv/tips/
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Some of mine are
-eat on small plates or bowls
-drink water before eating
-don't prepare another bite on your fork/spoon while still chewing
-take sips between bites
-chew slowly
[Rant/Rave] "A twig of a girl"
/u/fiyacht524
Created: Tue May 29 09:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mztyw/a_twig_of_a_girl/
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The tattoo artist today referred to a past client as "a twig of a girl like yourself" while we were tattoos and weight gain/distortion.
I've been floating on cloud nine ever since! Me! A twig! Made my day so it did 😊
What food will be the death of you?
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Tue May 29 08:53:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mzpcq/what_food_will_be_the_death_of_you/
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I mean, what is your *ultimate* binge food? That you can eat all day every day if you could? Or that you *do* eat all day every day, not judging.
[Tip] Tips
/u/totally_not_a_donut
Created: Tue May 29 08:46:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mznf7/tips/
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Mine would be
-not preparing another fork/spoonful of food while chewing
-drinking water before a meal
-taking sips in between bites of food
Didn't realize most people don't have a clue about basic nutritional information
/u/ladydaisy79
Created: Tue May 29 08:41:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mzm59/didnt_realize_most_people_dont_have_a_clue_about/
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Yesterday was memorial day so cue the fam and friends get togethers and obviously masses of not super healthy food. For some reason our conversation went to losing weight and healthy eating (no one knows about my Ed so I didn't bring this topic up). Anyways, I was just shocked at the ignorance of the majority of the people there! For example, thinking that eating fruit will make you fat but masses of rice, beans, and other carbs are fine?! And that on average, regular sized people burn between 3000-4000 cal a day?!?!?! And playing one hour of medium intensity racketball (similar to a less intense version of tennis), burns 1500 cal? I honestly wanted to scream bc I didn't even know what to say. Basically just kept my mouth shut and nodded along since there was just so much wrong. Sigh. Sorry for the rant. Just needed to get it off my chest. (On mobile so please flair as rant/discussion, thank you!) 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Giving myself a make-over
/u/OldDeer
Created: Tue May 29 08:32:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mzjq4/giving_myself_a_makeover/
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Hi! This is a new account bc someone found my old one loool good times.
ANYWAY, I thought you ladies could help me. Through my years of various eating disorders, I lost all sense of self-esteem, self-respect, and self-care. I still have 30 pounds to lose before I'm happy with my size, but I'm tired of putting the rest of my life on pause, and want to learn how to take care of myself. There are definitely other ways to be and feel prettier besides weight loss, so what are your guys tips? I'm definitely a beginner and usually feel silly and lost with this kind of stuff; so please, any and all suggestions are welcome! THANK YOU xxxx
[Discussion] Does anyone feel like they’re ‘smarter’ than other people with EDs because you’re doing it just to lose weight faster, not because you hate yourself or any ‘typical’ reason?
/u/lemonlime836
Created: Tue May 29 08:31:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mzj9r/does_anyone_feel_like_theyre_smarter_than_other/
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I hope the title doesn’t sound judgy!!! I know it’s a bad thing to say, and I’m not proud of it. Sometimes I just feel like I’m ‘above’ some other people with EDs because I don’t do it to punish myself, I don’t think I’m hideous, etc. I just did the math, and I’ll lose weight faster on 400 cal a day than I would at 1200, so that’s why I do it. At worst, I just get frustrated at myself when I eat too much, but I don’t really spiral or anything.
Then again, maybe that’s all bullshit and I’m just being blind to why I really do it? And I’m actually dumber than everyone because I can’t even acknowledge the true reasons why I’m doing this to myself? I don’t know. But I’m really curious to hear what you guys have to say about this!! 💕
Plateau??
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Tue May 29 08:17:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mzfqg/plateau/
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I've been shedding weight like crazy by eating next to nothing and working out like crazy, but for the last few days I've been stuck around the same weight. This is really frustrating and makes me want to binge. Should I eat normally for a day to boost my metabolism or what? I dont even know if I could make myself eat normally. Would a fast work better?
[Discussion] Triggering TV + Movies??
/u/peoniesanddoubt
Created: Tue May 29 08:16:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mzfij/triggering_tv_movies/
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I’m wanting more triggering stuff to watch! It doesn’t need to be an ED show, I get triggered by things like the Bachelorette and anything with Blake lively in it lol. I just want to know other people’s favorites!
How many calories does everyone aim to eat?
/u/its_freaking_bats
Created: Tue May 29 08:15:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mzf1e/how_many_calories_does_everyone_aim_to_eat/
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I have been eating around 800 calories for the past 4 weeks and have recently hit a brick wall. My scale goes up or down only 0.5 lb.
I am curious as to how many calories everyone else eats in a day?
Anyone in this community want to share their experiences with c/s if they’ve had any?
/u/delasestrellas4444
Created: Tue May 29 08:09:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mzdp8/anyone_in_this_community_want_to_share_their/
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Please and thank you 🙏
Unlocked the secret to restriction!! (Spoiler, it's the dentist)
/u/Pinetree_grrl
Created: Tue May 29 07:04:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8myxbv/unlocked_the_secret_to_restriction_spoiler_its/
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So, it took me ages to work up the courage to go to the dentist because of all the bingeing and purging. I was convinced they were going to spring men in white coats on me and drag me away. But no, they were very sweet and reassuring about my dental hygiene and never mentioned anything about it. Hallelujah. But then...
I got several cavities filled and ever since I get pain on one side of my mouth when I chew. First I thought, NBD, it will go away with time. Except it hasn't. My bite is mega fucked up, I think one of my front teeth is going crooked, and if I put any pressure at all on the right side of my mouth it sends shooting pain straight up into my brain. And when I do eat, half the time my mouth and face throb so badly for the following ten-fifteen minutes that I have contemplated pulling out teeth with pliers.
I've already been back once for them to adjust it but it didn't help and I can't just keep throwing money and time away from work at this for it to not be resolved. I just want to find a hole and bury myself in it. Fuck this garbage.
On a positive note it is really good at curbing hunger when eating becomes associated with horrific pain. 🙃
[Other] MY RENT IS PAID (not ed related, technically)
/u/qncg
Created: Tue May 29 06:47:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mytem/my_rent_is_paid_not_ed_related_technically/
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For those following along at home, I had to pay my rent by 8 AM to avoid eviction, and had literally nothing to give the landlord.
I managed to get a loan, at 7:47 this morning.
The rent is paid.
I had a tiny bit left over to apply toward my wildly overdue utilities, and a friend in here helped me get my kids McDonald's breakfast!!!!
This is the best day I've had in a long while.
[Tip] Eat This Much App
/u/BlondeActually
Created: Tue May 29 06:35:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8myqip/eat_this_much_app/
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Omg you guys. I can’t even. I found this app yesterday that literally makes your meal plan for you. I put dinner and a snack for 800 calories with my macros and it gave me the exact recipe that fits into everything.
I’m not advertising it but I just wanted to share with everyone who has a lot of stress in calculating calories, macros and meal plans!
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday May 29, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 29 06:10:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8myl7x/thinspo_tuesday_may_29_2018/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 29, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 29 06:10:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8myl6u/daily_food_diary_may_29_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 29, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Other] How long does it take between consuming a surplus amount of calories and fat showing up on your body?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Tue May 29 05:23:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mybuu/how_long_does_it_take_between_consuming_a_surplus/
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I’m literally just wondering this out of curiosity
But yeah, let’s say for example, you consumed 9000 calories in one sitting - assuming your hadn’t eaten anything else that day - and your TDEE was 2000, so your calorie surplus was 7000. How long would it take in terms of hours (or whatever the most appropriate unit of time for this is) between ingesting that and the additional 2lbs of fat showing up on your body somewhere?
[Rant/Rave] OMAD (one meal a day)... I love you.
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Tue May 29 04:47:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8my50f/omad_one_meal_a_day_i_love_you/
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OMAD, you are the only thing that has stopped me binging. I can't negotiate with myself like I do when restricting, I can't take one bite that leads to another 10, because it's not the plan- one meal a day, in the evening. I can feel good about myself not eating all day, and then come 5pm eat whatever I want for my meal. I can eat an 800 calorie pizza, or a burger if I really want to and still stay within my calorie limit, and I don't feel tempted to eat during the day because I know I have a good meal to look forward to. Thanks for everything, OMAD. Including the 25lbs I lost doing you this month (I am a whale tho, so I would say it will be that successful for everyone.)
[Discussion] Favourite ways to take coffee?
/u/ANAnotherDay
Created: Tue May 29 03:22:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mxq1a/favourite_ways_to_take_coffee/
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What are some of y'all favourite ways to take coffee?
Mine's either cold brew or Japanese iced coffee, since I live somewhere that's hot af all year round.
Another way I like to make take coffee is by freezing them into fudgesicle (double strength coffee + nonfat yogurt + some milk to thin it out + sweeteners, if you like).
[Discussion] Guys, how often do y'all poop?
/u/Atsugaruru
Created: Tue May 29 03:21:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mxpvh/guys_how_often_do_yall_poop/
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I'm freaking out, dudes. I haven't pooped in 3 days and I'm used to having a daily bowel movement, even when I used to restrict. I'm having about <800 a day but nothing. Guys, help? What do I do? Is this normal?
[Rant/Rave] I just binged on milk and cookies at work.
/u/Kummerspeck101
Created: Tue May 29 03:01:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mxmkb/i_just_binged_on_milk_and_cookies_at_work/
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I'm lactose intolerant. I have to go home in an hour. On my kick scooter.
wtf have i just done
UPDATE: i made it home on a scooter propelled by farts and fear
and now i poop
[Other] If you were to buy one thing to help lose weight what would it be?
/u/slip_n_slice
Created: Tue May 29 02:36:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mxink/if_you_were_to_buy_one_thing_to_help_lose_weight/
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So im down right near my lowest weight. All my smallest clothes are way way too big (like bunched up like a bag at the waist)...but im still trying lose just a few more pounds and im about to get a huge bonus at work so i want to treat myself with something to help me lose more weight.
My thoughts are:
New running shoes
Bronkaid
A case of monster ultra zero
....what would yall suggest, any ideas outside of these are welcome too
[Rant/Rave] Last night on a date: weight came up.
/u/SpeckledCollie
Created: Tue May 29 01:46:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mxb13/last_night_on_a_date_weight_came_up/
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We were talking about our "worst experiences" and I told him one and he said "wtf why did you sleep with him???" (Laughing at my hypocrisy because I'd been doing the same to him) and I made a jokey comment about being fatter back then and took what I could get, to which he says "aha so you were fat, then anorexic and now you found a nice medium?"
I laughed it off and this guy is very blunt with how he talks about women and appearances in general (English isn't his first language/ culture) but damn I miss how people used to say "wow really?! But you're so skinny!"
More reasons to diet diet diet.
[Discussion] Those days where you can’t stop eating
/u/ChasingHouse
Created: Tue May 29 00:52:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mx1fl/those_days_where_you_cant_stop_eating/
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Why does this happen :/
Today I cooked my boyfriends lunches for the next few days, which includes a lot of taste testing since I don’t really follow recipes, so I resigned myself to having a high calorie count for the day, but now I’ve eaten a bowl of the chili con carne I made him, a protein ball, baked beans on toast, sausages, like 4? sour icy poles, a million cups of tea and coffee, and so much Coke Zero I can barely move. AND now I’m snacking on a blueberry clif bar because why tf not
I feel like I’m ruining so much progress but I feel so emptyyyyyy :(
Anyone else having one of those days today?
[Rant/Rave] It's on my mind 24/7
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Tue May 29 00:41:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mwzgq/its_on_my_mind_247/
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Already sent out a post once but just gonna rant here , fuck eating disorders. Fuck everything about them, fuck how they make you feel and what they make you do. I don't wanna deal with shit like this everyday to the point where it makes me panic and physically makes me sick. It's insane how stupid my brain gets about food, weight, and my body. Nothing about how I view it is normal. It's in my mind 24/7 if I'm not distracted enough.
I'm so scared about not being normal enough.
[Help] DAE know they have an eating disorder but keep thinking they're lying to themselves?
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Tue May 29 00:33:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mwy14/dae_know_they_have_an_eating_disorder_but_keep/
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Lately I've been thinking that I know I have an issue with eating. It's disordered eating but my brain keeps making me think I'm lying to myself and I'm doing this for attention. That way of thinking is stressing me out intensely and I'm getting intrusive and unwanted thoughts. I panic a lot more when I think about it. I honestly get a dip in my stomach, heart is racing , and I feel nauseous as hell. Has any one else felt this way? I want to get rid of this feeling and these thoughts.
[Rant/Rave] when the ex of guy you're talking to is gorgeous
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 28 23:53:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mwqpm/when_the_ex_of_guy_youre_talking_to_is_gorgeous/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] blue lipstick
/u/savingforadifferent
Created: Mon May 28 23:43:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mwovr/blue_lipstick/
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1. gives me a logical explanation for why strangers are judging/staring at me
2. makes me look more dead than usual (already most of my #aesthetic)
3. makes me look less approachable. I am not approachable!!! go the fuck away!
Do y’all have any accessories/makeup/items (thinking less about the normal outfits, food, drink) that you strongly associate with your ED behaviors?
Sure I restrict, but I can't keep myself from eating like garbage
/u/sassyskipper
Created: Mon May 28 23:43:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mwots/sure_i_restrict_but_i_cant_keep_myself_from/
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Heads up, it's a rant.
My diet is almost purely junk food. Add in some broccoli here and maybe an apple there. I've come out of a really intense and uncontrollable binge eating cycle, but now find myself eating no more then 1,000 ish a day. It just might be off grilled cheese and dino shaped chicken nuggets. And I feel bad because I'm encouraging my partner to eat healthy after they complained about body aches, and how it's getting harder to move because of weight gain. I make salads and home cooked dinner and I always keep favorite fruits and veggies in the house. But me? Sitting in the corner with 12 cheez-itz and a fudge bar.
A sad and confusing life it is to live.
What are your favourite safe foods?
/u/DamnPolygalaceae
Created: Mon May 28 22:57:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mwg7z/what_are_your_favourite_safe_foods/
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green apples and continental cup soup are what keeps me alive lol
[Help] “You not eating anything?”
/u/RtB107
Created: Mon May 28 22:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mwbs9/you_not_eating_anything/
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Anyone else find it hard to fast or restrict at lunchtime in work? I really wanted to fast this week, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get away with it because I have a new, lovely, honest to goodness so sweet friend at work who always makes sure I’m eating, which is so kind. I wanna spend lunch with her (we get to choose when we go), but not being able to fast is getting tricky, and it’s frustrating the crap outta me. Any ideas or similar problems from any of you guys? Wasn’t sure whether to flair this as Help or a Rave; feel free to rant away!
So I was scrolling through a thread about a cute picture of a kid baking with her mother in an attempt to feel less shitty...
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Mon May 28 21:41:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mw0jp/so_i_was_scrolling_through_a_thread_about_a_cute/
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And one of the comments was that baking cookies with your normal-sized daughter is setting her up for obesity and that taking the time to bake with your fucking child is an example of negligent parenting. I would just roll my eyes if I didn't have an ED but no, apparently I'd rather use a dumb comment as confirmation bias that my disordered thinking is echoed by everyone else, and feel disgusted with myself for wishing I had someone who'd deliberately include me in things I'm not good at out of love because that somehow means I still have the mentality of an overweight person. Gotta love me and my legendary hypersensitivity.
[Rant/Rave] I gave up on my ED, now I'm so angry at myself a.k.a hello again my dear friends...
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Mon May 28 21:37:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mvzoy/i_gave_up_on_my_ed_now_im_so_angry_at_myself_aka/
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I got this weird virus about 3 weeks ago. I had a ridiculous headache, no appetite, nausea for day and I was just generally tired. I ended up in hospital and while the doctors poked and prodded I told myself that my ED was ridiculous.
Even though I had reached my 2nd GW of 75kg due to not eating for 2 weeks it just wasn't worth it. I didn't want to end up in hospital. I didn't want to be stuck in hospital.
So naturally when my appetite came back I was ravenous. I figured I could afford to eat whatever since I hadn't eaten a full meal in so long. The day I was in hospital the managed to eat a slice of toast all day.
I've eaten all the weight back on. 2 whole kilograms in about a week and a half. I was stuck at 77kg for months and I threw it all away for some pizza and ice cream. I'm so angry at myself. Thankfully we're going into winter so people won't see my rolls.
[Discussion] Favorite vitamins?
/u/ayybih
Created: Mon May 28 21:23:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mvw8x/favorite_vitamins/
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I wanna get some vitamins so I can feel a little better. I read somewhere that someone started taking a vitamin (can’t remember which) and it basically eliminated their binge urges. What vitamins do y’all like?
My Father-In-Law Made The Purging Joke and It WAS TOTALLY FUNNIER THE SECOND TIME AND DIDN'T AT ALL MAKE ME WANNA BREAK DOWN AND CRY HAHAHA
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Mon May 28 21:05:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mvsb0/my_fatherinlaw_made_the_purging_joke_and_it_was/
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Family: [Munching On Klondike Bars]
Father-In-Law takes a jab at Mother-In-Law's weight and how she shouldn't eat a Klondike bar. I stand up for her and say he needs to knock it off.
Then he looks at me and says, "I hope you're purging that after this. Go purge it." As some kind of sick joke.
Nobody says anything. Nobody stands up for me. I shouldn't have eaten the Klondike bar. Now I'm panicking and sad and crying in the bathroom.
[Rant/Rave] I don't like when people show concern for my weight
/u/Hyde25
Created: Mon May 28 21:01:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mvrbi/i_dont_like_when_people_show_concern_for_my_weight/
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I had an appointment with my psychiatrist 2 weeks ago, and was told that while she'd like to continue working with me, if I haven't at least maintained my weight by my next appt, she might have to stop seeing me.
I don't want to go through having to find a new psychiatrist, and I can't just stop seeing one altogether, but I also have no desire to change. I don't want to maintain, and I don't want to call the ED center she told me about. I'm just not used to people being bothered by my weight, literally no GP has ever cared about me being underweight, so I guess I started to see it as ok and normal. And now someone is worried and I don't know how to deal with that.
[Intro] Add me on peach?
/u/smellypanda33
Created: Mon May 28 20:25:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mvik1/add_me_on_peach/
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Hi, everyone. I just found this subbreddit not too long ago, maybe a few weeks. I've really enjoyed being around, posting what little I have, and the very constructive and supportive responses I've recieved.
Please add me on peach! I'm jojo33
[Rant/Rave] I wish someone knew about my ED behaviours
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Mon May 28 20:05:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mvdgj/i_wish_someone_knew_about_my_ed_behaviours/
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I've been alternating between either binging or restricting for 6 years, losing and gaining weight. I wish someone knew about my struggles. I want someone to care about me... not out of pity, but out of worry. I wish my mom would stop insulting me about my weight and body, whether I'm overweight or underweight. I wish I was the skinny & pretty one in the friend group, and I don't care how I get there \(but I can't because I don't have enough self control\). I wish someone cared in a non insulting way. :\(
[Other] Mind your damn business LoseIt...
/u/KMH039
Created: Mon May 28 20:01:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mvcjh/mind_your_damn_business_loseit/
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https://i.redd.it/u7cjpm5fcp011.jpg
I'm really afraid to tell anyone but I can't get out of this if I don't
/u/noroju17
Created: Mon May 28 19:42:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mv83c/im_really_afraid_to_tell_anyone_but_i_cant_get/
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Fuck this. I'm tired of living from calorie allotment to calorie allotment and basing all of my self worth on a fucking number.
These things thrive in dark, private places. I've told one person about my weird relationship with food (that's all it was at that point- not the obsession it is now). That person pretty quickly left my life (no hard feelings, it just happens) and while she was sympathetic, she didn't help me in any way, and I absolutely did not expect her to. But just by nature of saying what I've been dealing with since I was 13, I realized how idiotic and fucked it is. But I'm so afraid to tell anyone who would actually care, would actually help me.
For a lot of reasons. First of all, I'm not that thin (5'5, anywhere between 121-124) so no one's gonna care. Second of all, family members keep on telling me I look good. Third, I have a ballet performance coming up, and I don't want to recover until after that, which is just so fucked. Fourth, I don't do the vulnerable thing too well. And fifth, I feel like an impostor. I started counting calories at age 13, I've had more meltdowns over the circumference of my thighs than I can count, and I still don't think I count.
I really don't want to recover at all. I do, but I don't. I don't want my life to dominated by food, I don't want to spend 20 minutes out of every hour to be spent thinking about food. But I do want to be thin.
If I commit to this recovery thing, I know that I need to get out completely- no calorie tracking, none of that. If I get out, I have to listen to my body and let it be what it is. That's one of the scariest things I can imagine doing.
I feel like a horrible person for thinking the way I do
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Mon May 28 19:39:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mv7jm/i_feel_like_a_horrible_person_for_thinking_the/
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I live with my SO and his whole family monetarily rent-free. As part of my "rent" for me and my dog, I help cook dinners, clean the house, clean up dog poop for all dogs in the house, feed in-law's dog along with mine, and care for SO's grandma who's had two strokes. I give her showers, groom and trim her finger/toenails, do her laundry and anything else she may need help with
Gma used to make these really mean off-handed comments about my weight until I lost it all. But she always tells me she wants to lose weight but she keeps gaining and she's becoming pretty obese because I encourage her to go on walks in the back yard but she hates any kind of physical exercise. She just wants to sit in her chair and watch Fox News all day.
I was showering her earlier and my ED brain was getting disgusted just touching her. I have nothing against any kind of people, big or small but for some reason, I think I'm starting to understand what a lot of other posters mean by feeling the panic of touching someone who is much fatter.
And that's horrible and mean of me and I felt awful but part of me couldn't help but be rather disgusted and anxious and I tried to finish her shower as quickly as I could so I wouldn't have to be in there any longer.
I felt horrible. I *feel* horrible. Like a downright MEAN. I dunno what to do, what is *wrong* with me?
Edit: ugh and then my SO and his mom are just texting me and blowing my phone up from outside to go hang out with them when they literally know I fucking have a bunch of shit to do. Maybe I just resent everyone and that's my real problem ]:
how much
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon May 28 19:37:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mv6xu/how_much/
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[deleted]
[Goal] Mark my words
/u/atexasgal
Created: Mon May 28 19:12:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mv1gx/mark_my_words/
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I will NOT step on the scale until the day I am projected to be at my GW, July 14.
Weighing myself either 1) let’s me justify bingeing or 2) upsets me so much that I binge to emotionally comfort myself lol
anybody else try not to weigh yourself?
This way I’m pretty sure I’ll get good results, especially because I underestimate my TDEE by about 200 calories “just to be safe” so if I’m lucky I should be like 2-3 lbs below my GW
[Help] Don't know if I should buy a scale.
/u/mikhuy
Created: Mon May 28 19:00:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8muyqr/dont_know_if_i_should_buy_a_scale/
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When my ED was at its peak i would weight myself constantly, since going to college (past 3 years), I've only weighed myself at the gym (which has helped with motivation to go haha). I'm scared that if I buy a scale I'll fall back into old habits, and lose the progress that I've worked so damn hard to get. I'm only thinking about getting a scale now since I started running outside instead of going to the gym. Am I being ridiculous?? Should i take the plunge??
[Discussion] DAE feel like your cravings make you unworthy?
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Mon May 28 17:45:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8muhce/dae_feel_like_your_cravings_make_you_unworthy/
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I crave things like brownies and pizza and heavy, creamy pastas. My friends always say stuff like “Oh I can’t wait to have this salad” and “I had a craving for celery last night.” I literally heard the second one at my internship with my friend. Meanwhile I say stuff like cheesecake and crescent rolls and literally anything else bad. It makes me feel almost trashy the way I want to eat but I can’t help it. Does anyone else feel this way or is it a sign of my inevitable failure?
[Help] Looking for a friend to keep on track with??
/u/SensitiveGirly
Created: Mon May 28 17:38:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mufqb/looking_for_a_friend_to_keep_on_track_with/
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Not sure if this allowed but I just started the ABC diet today cause I’ve put on 20 lbs in the past 6 months and I really want to take it off. Anyone want to start it with me and keep each other on track??
Can you buy Bronkaid at pharmacies in Louisiana?
/u/Zurthrow
Created: Mon May 28 17:34:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8muexd/can_you_buy_bronkaid_at_pharmacies_in_louisiana/
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Sorry this question is so random, I tried googling but every result was either super outdated or kind of confusing to understand so I figured maybe someone can tell me first-hand. I'm going to be moving there from Texas soon and wondering if I need to buy an extra box before leaving or not!
[Discussion] Does anyone have any summer goals?
/u/ifinkufreaky0
Created: Mon May 28 16:46:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mu3d0/does_anyone_have_any_summer_goals/
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I was just wondering if anyone has goals for the summer like “I’d like to be ___lbs by such and such date”
I have a goal to be around 130lbs by August 1st but I’m not really sure if it’s that achievable 😕
[Rant/Rave] I went up 1.2lbs overnight.
/u/majimasan
Created: Mon May 28 16:43:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mu2gr/i_went_up_12lbs_overnight/
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I realize it's probably just water weight, because I've been eating around 1000 calories per day. But whenever this happens, I am so tempted to just binge until I'm sick. I have such an all or nothing mindset. If I'm not losing, I may as well just eat everything in sight.
Whenever I gain my entire day is ruined and I just want to hide from the world. Like how can a stupid number rule my life like this? It's ridiculous.
[Help] Ate entire tub of Greek yogurt now I feel like shit (physically fml)
/u/itsalonstora
Created: Mon May 28 16:08:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mttsn/ate_entire_tub_of_greek_yogurt_now_i_feel_like/
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It was like 4 cups and then while making pizza bagels (had 4 full sized fml) I felt dizzy I turned on the ac and I feel better but still feverish and nauseous halp
Sorry for poor grammar I'll speak English when I'm not dying
Edit: maybe it's an electrolyte issues? Gonna try to make some broth but holy hell I feel terrible rn
[Rant/Rave] Thinking About Quitting My Job: A Rant
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Mon May 28 16:02:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mtsgd/thinking_about_quitting_my_job_a_rant/
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Hey guys, so I've mentioned before that I work as a hostess/bartender/busser in a resturaunt. The town I live/work in is tourist-y, and we are coming up on the busy season here. Lately, because of my restricting/weight loss, the physical work has gotten A LOT harder. I high restrict to anywhere from 850-1000 just to have enough energy to work, but i guess its not enough (also I'm really short so my TDEE is only like 1300). I refuse to eat more though, because I know I'll gain. I finally reached a GW and I refuse to fuck it up.
This job is really stressful and I already feel like a failure because I'm 24 years old, have a Bachelors degree in Psychology, yet I am working in a fucking resturaunt. I live in a small town and it is incredibly difficult to find work, but I just dont know how much longer I can do this. To make matters worse, this job is really triggering to me. Seeing all the overweight/obese people eating constantly makes me feel sick. Boxing peoples disgusting food, clearing off tables, it all just sucks. A lot of my coworkers are overweight, too, and no one really has any idea I struggle with an ED. At the end of every shift, my manager makes us all food and I am the only one who always finds an excuse not to eat. You guys, i dont know what to do. I have to work because i need to pay bills, but i dont know how to do this anymore. I feel so fucking lonely.... this is the only place i feel understood.
Just binged. First time in weeks. Need some advice.
/u/DenyMyHunger
Created: Mon May 28 15:53:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mtpvv/just_binged_first_time_in_weeks_need_some_advice/
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Was doing great all day at 300/1000 then BAM! Binge. Now I'm at 2600ish. I'm so mad at myself, mostly because I actively went out to buy the food knowing i shouldn't. Like it wasn't just like I had a snack in the house then kept on snacking. I got fries, deep fried fish and sausage and then had chocolate pretzels and 2 kit kats "for dessert" 😒
Does anyone have any advice to get back on track? I worked out I'd have to hit no more than 730 each day this week to fix it and have my weekly average at 1000 again 😞 I have lots of cup soups, coffee, veggies, salad and fruits. I'm a volume eater (lololol) and love a big dinner, small lunch and couple snacks.
Man. What the Hell. I feel so discouraged and disappointed in myself. IT'S ONLY MONDAY 😣😣
Almost had panic attack at the mall
/u/Chuckysbride103116
Created: Mon May 28 15:47:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mtokz/almost_had_panic_attack_at_the_mall/
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Something about trying on pants in this itty bitty Hollister fitting room triggered me so bad i had to leave immediately, even though im a size 1, seeing my body almost naked was horrifying, now im at work and I feel terrible i just want to cry and quit. Worst thing is I can't talk to anyone here, because im the thinnest person (everyone else is overweight or obese) and they always laugh it off when i say something negative about my body, im just so lucky to be thin, the things they would do to look like me, ugh.
Well 6 more hours to go and then i get to go home and cry by myself in the shower
[Rant/Rave] Both parents are fueling my disorder. I should tell them to stop but...
/u/shelifts45
Created: Mon May 28 15:33:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mtkwk/both_parents_are_fueling_my_disorder_i_should/
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...I like it. It keeps me driven to lose weight to spite them as horrible as that sounds. it's also driving me insane because I need to be strong and healthy for my job. My mom made (and continues to do so) comments about my body my entire childhood/teen years/early adulthood. That's where I think my disorder really began and stemmed from. I never learned to love myself as is. It's always been about changing in some way..."you would look so much better if you loss X amount of weight." Now my dad comments on my eating. I'll fast for 24hrs and then eat a salad with chicken breast and he'll say "WOW! that's a lot of food." As twisted as it is it motivates me so freaking much. Sorry. Just needed to get this out somewhere.
What do you like/dislike most about your body?
/u/Jenny_Roberts
Created: Mon May 28 15:31:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mtkbu/what_do_you_likedislike_most_about_your_body/
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I really hate my skin (bad acne, huge pores, very red), my stretch marks, my very undefined cheekbones and my protruding belly.
But I really like my small ribcage, my muscle definition/bone definition, and my baseline body shape (hourglass), I just hate that I made it fat lol.
What about you guys?
When someone tells you about the dating app they created...
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Mon May 28 15:09:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mteqz/when_someone_tells_you_about_the_dating_app_they/
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...and one of the requirements to signing up is a **doctors note saying you are free from mental illness.**
I’m sorry sauna stranger, but YOU are the one with the problem. Not those with a mental illness.
I honestly could not believe my ears. To *brag* about that, saying “people need to know if someone is crazy or not. I’m just out to weed out the crazies.”
This is what is wrong with the world.
[Discussion] Anyone else feel like they're leading a pretty (relatively) normal life with their ED? [discussion]
/u/throwaway-thetrash
Created: Mon May 28 15:07:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mte6d/anyone_else_feel_like_theyre_leading_a_pretty/
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Disclaimer: I've never gotten to the point of being severely underweight, or fasting for days on end, or being hospitalized. I haven't suffered as much as most folks!
I don't really mean normal in a headspace kinda way - obviously I obsess over what food I'm eating/my body and think about it pretty much 24/7. But, even though my eating & thought patterns are clearly disordered and I've been sticking to <1000kcal a day, I feel like it's disguised as being pretty normal.
I think part of that comes from being a high restricter, low cal replacements, & OMAD. Thanks to SF syrup & almond milk I've been able to enjoy a sweet iced latte the past couple days. I've gone drinking this week. I've eaten normal-to-large amounts of filling meals (shiritaki noodles, low-carb wraps, and eggs are the real homies). I drink a lot of diet soda, too.
It definitely doesn't help the intrusive "you're a fake!" thoughts at times, but it makes me feel weirdly comfortable with the whole thing. Like, I know it's still unhealthy and probably going to snowball (it already has started), but... I don't know! I feel like it's necessary for me to feel like I'm being a -normal- human so that I won't binge 'till I'm blind (happens when I low restrict for too long). And it feels sustainable in a weird way.
Not really sure what the point of this post is. It's a weird mix of enthusiasm, confusion, and a hope for solidarity. lol.
[Other] cards against humanity with the fam got a little too real
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Mon May 28 14:56:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mtbee/cards_against_humanity_with_the_fam_got_a_little/
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https://i.redd.it/ukrkky3ztn011.jpg
[Discussion] DAE hoard certain foods until the "right" time?
/u/ryder-chan
Created: Mon May 28 14:52:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mtaar/dae_hoard_certain_foods_until_the_right_time/
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Currently I have a stash of random safe foods that I refuse to touch. It's like I dont want to waste them, if that makes sense?
I have some tuna snack kits, 90 cal yogurt bars, and some Green Giant frozen veggies, but I feel like if I eat them and then eating something shitty, then I've just ruined those foods and they will no longer be "safe"?
[Rant/Rave] I’m so fucking sad. All I want to do is drink and I can’t even do that.
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Mon May 28 14:37:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mt6j0/im_so_fucking_sad_all_i_want_to_do_is_drink_and_i/
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Last night my bf and I got into a fight basically bc he knew I was taking EC stacks and he told me he was disappointed in me and was upset bc I told him I was only doing it when I went to the gym- which was the truth until I started welbutrin and now I’ve been stacking later in the afternoon bc I’m too afraid I’ll end up eating.
He is upset bc he feels like he is enabling my disorder but we were drunk and so shit escalated and he just said some insensitive shit, including he would leave me before he would enable me, and getting mad that I was crying.
And for some reason I still tried to turn shit around and get on better terms and all of this happened while we were going to get food (great timing right) but I was trying so hard to be normal and still managed to let myself eat- which I wasn’t even able to finish which is actually awesome.
But I woke up this morning so fucking sad and hurt. He could tell I was upset and tried to talk to me but I just dismissed it. I’ve never really been/stayed mad at him before but I don’t want to let this go (not that I want to fight about it, I really do want to talk but I want him to see how he hurt me rather than me just accepting his apology).
I just feel so hopeless. This is why I didn’t want to tell him and it’s not like this will be the last time it happens. This is going to be a conversation that keeps coming up. I don’t want to fuck this up bc of my disorder and I’m so fucking scared to lose him. It’s so fucking hard bringing another person into this.
This has to be the most depressed I’ve ever felt. Somehow I pulled myself out of bed and I’m sitting in the parking lot of the gym trying to force myself to go in. I took 400 mg of caffeine and I don’t feel it.
ALL I WANT TO DO IS DRINK BUT MY FUCKING EATING DISORDER WONT LET ME BC OF THE CALORIES. BEER IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE THING AND I CANT EVEN LET MYSELF HAVE THAT. I just want to drink away the sadness so badly but I can’t trust myself not to eat if I start drinking. Beer makes me happy and not care which equals me allowing myself to eat, and I’ve been craving a grilled cheese so I know I’d probably end up eating it. I don’t even have a fucking appetite, food doesn’t even sound good and I still just want to eat. I fucking hate this I don’t want to be alive.
And all my posts turn into long fucking rambling posts and I fucking hate that too
I don't know what to do
/u/little-paws
Created: Mon May 28 14:34:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mt5rf/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
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My boyfriend just broke up with me after four years and I don't know what to do.
I'm in my last year of college and the next few weeks are full of deadlines and exams and I'm trying to finish my thesis.
I have no appetite which I'm weirdly happy about but I kind of just want to disappear and wake up in a few months.
Please, anyone, some words of reassurance or any advice would be great. I've never felt so alone.
(Possible tw) Does anyone else feel high off fasting?
/u/Highoffempty
Created: Mon May 28 14:30:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mt4sr/possible_tw_does_anyone_else_feel_high_off_fasting/
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Again this may be possibly triggering so I hope writing this doesn't hurt anybody.
After a long period of binging, I am back in the "restrict" mode and I'm fasting.
I forgot how weirdly amazing it feels (in almost all the wrong ways). I forgot how quickly I feel weak and sick after not eating. I forgot how it makes your heart beat fast like you are on addy. I forgot how amazing it feels to sleep when your stomach is starting to cave in. I forgot how wonderful it feels to sleep when you are freezing under lots of covers instead of standing infront of the fridge after a huge binge because you are so hot.
Everything is more intense when I'm not eating. Besides my emotions. They are numbed which is perfect because I hate to feel anything at this point. Music sounds like it is being played right in the room with me. Its overwhelming. I don't feel really "all there" in the sense that I'm probably dissociating a little. Everything feels fuzzy. I don't hate myself as much. Until I look in the mirror. So I try not to do that.
Maybe all this is just me and you think I'm insane but I wondered if anyone else felt this way? I'm a little out of it like I said so maybe this post is stupid
I don't talk to anyone ever about this so I'm in my own isolated head with all this.
[Discussion] I hit my LW and I feel the same
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Mon May 28 14:20:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mt209/i_hit_my_lw_and_i_feel_the_same/
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I hit my lowest weight in 10 years, and I just feel blah about it. 56.6 kg, so I still have 6.6 kg to my UGW, but I thought I’d feel something. Happy? Proud? Satisfied? Nope. I just feel fat. I know we all say this, but I still look huge.
5 Days at the Same Weight
/u/its_freaking_bats
Created: Mon May 28 14:18:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mt1hf/5_days_at_the_same_weight/
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I have been bouncing between 132 and 133 for the past 5 days and it is driving me nuts. I am obsessively counting every calorie I consume and trying to avoid salt, drinking water, and my scale refuses to budge. I tried throwing in an extra 20 mins on the treadmill yesterday and I plan on doing the same today.
What's worse is that I made a mental promise to myself that when I hit 130 I would allow myself to have a mini-binge celebration but now that I am seeing how LONG this is taking, I don't think I'm going to risk the weight gain once I get to that goal.
Getting down to the 120s is torture! But I know it will happen eventually!
[Other] I’m such an idiot (UPDATE)
/u/anaccountanalright
Created: Mon May 28 13:55:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8msvjv/im_such_an_idiot_update/
---
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1d1s/i_am_such_an_idiot_an_absolute_total_complete/?st=JHQO7K8P&sh=6b457a8c
So he did more or less ghost me, nothing to add to that. I’ve blocked his number so I’ll never know whether he is or isn’t trying to contact me. I was really hurt by how everything went down and I hit rock bottom but I’m on my way back up to normal.
I got tested for every known STD and was negative for it all, yay! I’ll be getting tested again for HIV and Hep in a few months. I hope I learned from this and won’t make these mistakes again.
I know I’m a silent lurker but thanks for being here. I feel better knowing I’m not the only totally fucked up person in this world, lol.
Love you all.
[Rant/Rave] Approaching new levels of hangry
/u/Bubbles_and_Troubles
Created: Mon May 28 13:52:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8msuqe/approaching_new_levels_of_hangry/
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I just want to go get my safe food out of the fridge but my roommate has decided to just hANG OUT IN THE KITCHEN TODAY and???? I can't stand to eat in front of them or have them see me get food.
I hate when they do this because 1\) can't get any food and 2\) their fucking commenting every time I walk by. When I left my room and saw them still in the kitchen I decided I'd just go and smoke instead. Our door is really heavy so when I came back in it closed a little hard and IMMEDIATELY just "PLEEASE BE CAREFUL WITH THE DOOOOOR" like I didn't also hear and acknowledge that it was just a touch louder than an airy fart. If I leave my room to walk to the bathroom they just always have sOMETHING TO SAY like "oh hey I just read this really funny thing" and I'm just??? I bet. But the sound of your voice is giving me a headache like you wouldn't believe. And you could be reading anywhere else in the house right now.
I love them very much but right now I'm just Over It. It's keeping me from eating though so I guess I can't be too upset.
Can I tell you a gross food thing?
/u/hmmsecretaccount
Created: Mon May 28 13:35:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8msq53/can_i_tell_you_a_gross_food_thing/
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It’s been helping me not overeat and I don’t know if it’ll have the same effect second-hand but I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this stuff lol.
Yesterday I went on a date and they wanted to have a little picnic in nature. I brought fruit and crackers and a wedge of brie cheese (I was hoping I could pick at the fruit and they’d eat most of everything without noticing). They didn’t eat much so I had most of it left over. I dropped the brie cheese wedge on the picnic blanket when I was wrapping up everything to put back in my bag. I was thinking I’d toss it all in the trash when I got home (no trash cans around so I just went back home with it).
Brie cheese is my weakness so I never buy it because it’s so high-calorie and when I took it out of my bag to toss, I just caved and took a big bite out of it (a few seconds of bliss) but then I turned the wedge over and saw there was a little pink caterpillar WORM type bug with little nub legs, dead smooshed into the other side. I immediately spit out what was in my mouth and threw everything away in the trash.
I know it’s GROSS but not only did it stop me from eating the brie—also every time since then, when I’m about to reach for something to snack on, I just think of that and I immediately lose my appetite.
Thanks, gross cheese worm-bug? I never knew I’d be thankful for something so gross.
[Rant/Rave] “r/fasting doesn’t encourage eating disorders!” they say as they literally tell someone who’s underweight that it’s fine not to eat for days on end
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Mon May 28 13:06:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8msihq/rfasting_doesnt_encourage_eating_disorders_they/
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https://i.redd.it/om6r4t5ean011.jpg
[Rant/Rave] “r/fasting doesn’t encourage eating disorders!” they say as they literally tell someone who is underweight that it’s fine for them to not eat
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Mon May 28 13:05:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8msi82/rfasting_doesnt_encourage_eating_disorders_they/
---
https://i.redd.it/303nigc8an011.jpg
I start seeing a specialist this week
/u/Tryingmomspatience
Created: Mon May 28 12:47:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8msdio/i_start_seeing_a_specialist_this_week/
---
My nurse from my psychiatrist made me an appointment with a ED specialist for this week because she’s pushing me into recovery. I’m nervous to tell her how bad it really is. Bleh hopefully she’s a bit more understanding then my nurse is.
just binged the first time in weeks and could barely purge (tmi)
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Mon May 28 12:07:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ms2re/just_binged_the_first_time_in_weeks_and_could/
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im so fucking upset rn. i impulsively binged on a huge bowl of cereal thinking it would come up easily. drank lots of water and used a ton of milk but when it came time to purge i barely got a quarter of it up it seems. i tried like 5 times and only dry heaved. i feel so shitty im crying. i just took some sleeping meds bc i honestly feel like dying. i was doing so good with restriction recently i feel like ive ruined all my progress.
[Other] A genuine and huge thank you to this community for reminding me I am not alone. I think exposing sadness is important, I hope you all know how much you've truly helped.
/u/megamorphaseez
Created: Mon May 28 12:01:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ms170/a_genuine_and_huge_thank_you_to_this_community/
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https://v.redd.it/7cahmr5tym011
Went to brunch and got told I'd look great in a dress that was too big for my friend because of my "wide shoulders"
/u/caithaa
Created: Mon May 28 11:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mrxkz/went_to_brunch_and_got_told_id_look_great_in_a/
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I went to brunch with some friends yesterday. We were all talking about shopping for summer clothes and one of them goes "Omg caithaa! I tried on this dress last week but it was too big for me. It would look GREAT on you, you have such wide shoulders!"
Okay WTF? What kind of backhanded compliment is that? I have never in my life had an issue with my shoulders and all I can see now are my wide shoulders. So much for friends, jesus christ.
My ED wants to get a few things off its chest. And so do I.
/u/skydiver89
Created: Mon May 28 11:35:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mru3q/my_ed_wants_to_get_a_few_things_off_its_chest_and/
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My ED: You cannot tell your best friend you are purging again. Deny. Deny. Deny.
You can binge as long as you throw up at least half of the food after. All is better, but half is better than nothing.
You will lie to your therapist and say that bulimia made you too tired.
You will stay with friends more during the week so your parents don't see how much you sleep or eat.
You will drink more water on skydiving days and get someone else to pack your parachute for you. It's too much work for you to do in the heat.
You will take extreme care of your teeth and make your dentist believe you aren't throwing up at all.
You will never complain about your weight in front of anyone.
You will ignore comments about you losing weight.
Buy more gum.
Skydiver89: Get me the fuck out of this nightmare.
DAE want to recover but your ED is too "comforting?"
/u/shelifts45
Created: Mon May 28 11:31:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mrt29/dae_want_to_recover_but_your_ed_is_too_comforting/
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I really want to recovery mostly because I want to be stronger in the gym and not feel exhausted in my workouts. But when I think about seeking therapy, or telling someone about my ED to kickstart recovery, I also feel like I'm losing my cooping mechanism (which is basically what my ED is). It's like my ED brings clarity and comfort into my life. Anyone feel like this?
And one day I will recover, I'm determined to. I want to live fully again.
[Rant/Rave] At the grocery store
/u/picattapinata
Created: Mon May 28 11:23:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mrqvf/at_the_grocery_store/
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After two days of restriction (400kcal or less) I’m starting my water fast today. I can’t tell you guys how amazing I feel right now, like I’m finally going to be making progress getting down to my UGW of 105.
However, I’m at the grocery store right now getting food for my fam and it is incredibly difficult to pass on all the samples I usually try. Absolutely horrendous walking past the wine aisle, the bread aisle...and not picking up things I usually eat.
I have the worst self control ever and I’m finally starting to see that it really is mind over matter. I’ve worked so damn hard these past three days staying home with my toddler, and not eating what she’s eating, making her treats and high fat and protein dinners.
I’m finally not hating myself, still hate my body but I don’t see that ever changing.
I just wanted to share. Thanks for reading. ❤️ Happy Monday to you guys!
[Rant/Rave] At the grocery store
/u/picattapinata
Created: Mon May 28 11:23:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mrqud/at_the_grocery_store/
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After two days of restriction (400kcal or less) I’m starting my water fast today. I can’t tell you guys how amazing I feel right now, like I’m finally going to be making progress getting down to my UGW of 105.
However, I’m at the grocery store right now getting food for my fam and it is incredibly difficult to pass on all the samples I usually try. Absolutely horrendous walking past the wine aisle, the bread aisle...and not picking up things I usually eat.
I have the worst self control ever and I’m finally starting to see that it really is mind over matter. I’ve worked so damn hard these past three days staying home with my toddler, and not eating what she’s eating, making her treats and high fat and protein dinners.
I’m finally not hating myself, still hate my body but I don’t see that ever changing.
I just wanted to share. Thanks for reading. ❤️ Happy Monday to you guys!
How much will I lose?
/u/annon134
Created: Mon May 28 11:18:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mrpjw/how_much_will_i_lose/
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If I started eating 500-700 calories everyday for a month let’s say. How much weight would I lose? Or from your personal experience, how much weight did you lose in a month from low-cals?
I’m 5’4 143lbs and I want to be 110-120lb.
[Help] Lactose intolerant = lax?
/u/doublecouponn
Created: Mon May 28 11:15:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mrotl/lactose_intolerant_lax/
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I’m on the more milder side i guess of being lactose intolerant- there are some cheese i can digest.
My question is: am I consuming calories still if i drink milk? Like I can’t digest it properly so it almost literally goes thru me. Is it only the milk or is it everything else in my stomach?
my cravings are a daily battle
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Mon May 28 11:00:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mrklf/my_cravings_are_a_daily_battle/
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i have really bad cravings for cheese. i'm debating whether to go buy camembert or not and i know if i get some i'll eat it all and it'll be 1000 calories. i'll have to fast for the next two days.
what do you do against these cravings? i have food on my mind 24/7 and it's so hard :(
[Discussion] [rant] DAE wish it were easier to find their kind in real life?
/u/archersarrows
Created: Mon May 28 10:18:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mr92p/rant_dae_wish_it_were_easier_to_find_their_kind/
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I moved to a new city almost three months ago and still know literally no one but the people that I work with (and my boyfriend, who came with me). So I downloaded Bumble BFF in an attempt at making some kind of friends, but a half hour later I realized I basically Nancy Drew'd all the photos/bios of potential matches to see if I could find out who might also enjoy not eating for days at a time/bulk-buying laxative teas/popping EC stacks.
Like, all of them. People want to "go for drinks" and I'm here like, "...and save your calories for that so you can get black out drunk without getting fat??? Right???"
Hardcore missing the red string bracelet days of the early 00s, because I clearly have not grown up at all from that point and am not capable of making real, adult friends now since my literal only interest is my eating disorder.
[Rant/Rave] Having family in town is killing me
/u/JimMakingTheFace
Created: Mon May 28 10:16:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mr8hf/having_family_in_town_is_killing_me/
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We have family staying with us, and there’s so much junk food. We had McDonald’s then chick fil a yesterday and the day before, and they’re getting McDonald’s again. We have 4 family size bags of crisps, 50 packets of cookies, a huge thing of oreos, and an apple pie.
I don’t want to eat. But Im obligated to eat. And there’s nothing I can eat that’s healthy or low calorie.
I’ve been in tears trying to work up the courage to go to the kitchen for an hour. I hate this. I hate that they can eat like this. It’s disgusting, and I feel nauseated just thinking about it.
a moment of silence for all our lost boobs
/u/acosed
Created: Mon May 28 10:13:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mr7rh/a_moment_of_silence_for_all_our_lost_boobs/
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press f to pay respects
[Discussion] DAE watch really disgusting movies so they don't get the urge to eat?
/u/blkgrlrants
Created: Mon May 28 09:04:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mqpjt/dae_watch_really_disgusting_movies_so_they_dont/
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Sometimes if I watch really weird creept grimy movies or just videos I lose my appetite. It really helps when i feel like I'm about to start spiraling and binge eating again, I just pull up a scene from Gummo or my 600 lb life and the feeling goes away.
Does anyone else do this?
binged for 2 months and I stepped on the scale today
/u/emerald_green92
Created: Mon May 28 08:52:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mqmap/binged_for_2_months_and_i_stepped_on_the_scale/
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Oh my God you guys I am crying! After quiting my job in march I was so depressed and lonely and had so many papers to write that I just completely gave up on controling my eating and drinking. And since the biggest amount of my calories comes from alcohol, I expected to gain a lot in this past months but I stepped on the scale today and I only gained 1 kg!
I just can not express how grateful I am but I also feel unworthy if that makes sense. Also, looking back I realise that even if I didn't actually count the calories most days I only had one meal consisting of small plate of pasta, potatoes, or a few slices of toast( caarbs and nothing healthy) so I never went above lets say 1500 calories in a day from food but adding the alcohol which would be around 1000 at least ( I am very ashamed) 3-4 times a week you can understand why I am so surprised that I didn't actually gain back like 5 or more kilograms as I expected.
This really motivated me to start over and hopefully lose at least 5 kg untill jully. So yay.
Trying to remember that looking sick is not a good thing
/u/usernameblahhhhh
Created: Mon May 28 08:50:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mqlxh/trying_to_remember_that_looking_sick_is_not_a/
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My friends and family think my weight is caused by digestive problems rather than the other way around... sometimes it's hard to remember that looking "sick" is not supposed to be a good thing. People often reassure me that even though I'm very thin I "look great" or "very healthy," and it's hard to separate their good intent from the way I interpret these comments, that stupid "not sick enough" voice that never goes away. They're trying to be supportive and make me feel good yet their words end up having the opposite effect, lmao. dear brain why u gotta be like this.
[Discussion] What are your random weight loss milestones?
/u/wellmacsgay
Created: Mon May 28 08:41:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mqjp5/what_are_your_random_weight_loss_milestones/
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My weight has been all over the place my entire life. It cheers me up when I lose some and notice little things I forgot I used to have - that my thighs aren’t touching when I walk, that I hardly have any more back fat, that I can see my chest bones etc. Do you guys also experience this?
Food Diary day 2
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Mon May 28 08:29:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mqglm/food_diary_day_2/
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Hey everyone! I’m getting to you a little late today so sorry about that. I just got back to work after 3 weeks at my internship and people are driving crazy already! At least I have y’all though.
Anyways into breakfast. Earl grey tea with Splenda and a bagel. That came out to about 300 calories with 5(!) grams of fiber. So I’m super happy about that. I’ll check back in later! :)
[Other] DAE swing from each extreme with no middle-ground?
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Mon May 28 08:23:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mqeub/dae_swing_from_each_extreme_with_no_middleground/
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https://i.redd.it/g1nc3yzqvl011.png
[Rant/Rave] New “throwaway” account. Same issues. Just a ramble.
/u/idigyourshoes
Created: Mon May 28 08:12:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mqc0z/new_throwaway_account_same_issues_just_a_ramble/
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I’ve been flung back into these “habits” again by a recent love affair. So unhappy with my marriage and being with someone that hates me that I began eating and eating and making myself as ugly as possible and then, suddenly, this man pops into my life and I’m starving myself again. I’m not sure why my self worth has always been determined by if I can bag and bed the man that I want but, it is.
I managed to get down to overweight from obese by the time I had surgery. I was terrified of dying on the operating table. Skipping one meal for a few weeks, then one more, than finally maybe eating half a peanut butter sandwich. Finally, I had oral surgery / jaw surgery and I haven’t been able to eat since then. My surgery went poorly and I have permanent nerve damage in my face. I have complete numbness in half of my face now that will never go away. My lips are numb as well. I have limited mobility in my jaw (possibly from swelling but, time will tell) so I can hardly open my mouth far enough to cram any junk in there. Is it wrong that this sort of thrills me? I mean, I’ll likely never be able to feel kisses again but, I can’t really physically eat right now and that’s kind of amazing.
This morning, a coworker told me how obvious it is that I’ve lost weight. I’ve always thought she was beautiful and when she told me that she is 11 lbs heavier than me, I instantly felt awesome. I’m so terrible sometimes.
My life is a mess. It’s so cliche but, it feels so great to have control over something. Not eating is control to me. I just want to completely disappear into nothingness. I made the decision that we’re all going to die and I need to start living the life that I want and, for the last month, I’ve followed that mentality.
Cheers, friends. To all of you who feel as though your life is a mess, I understand and I empathize with you.
Recovery water retention?
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Mon May 28 08:05:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mqaa6/recovery_water_retention/
---
http://imgur.com/gallery/Rmx8nRB
Is this normal? I'm 4/5 weeks in recovery and look like a jelly fish. Help haha
[Rant/Rave] trying not to lose my mind over way too much food this weekend
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Mon May 28 07:47:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mq61x/trying_not_to_lose_my_mind_over_way_too_much_food/
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ugh ugh ugh I know it’s so dumb. But I went home for the weekend and just let loose and got patio drunk with my friends, and Saturday night they ordered pizza and I ate half of it. Like half a medium pizza to my face.
then yesterday I did great and didn’t eat all day, went on a 6km hike - then came back and went out for those damn sunshine patio drinks and probably drank around 1,500 calories in drinks alone - then split nachos with my friends when they ordered them. I have no idea how many I ate so I’m estimating another 1,500 putting me at like 3,000 calories for the day. Holy fuck. I haven’t eaten that many calories in one day in over a year. That combined with the pizza on Saturday night ????? What is wrong with me? Am I slipping back into old habits? I’m still the same weight on the scale today thank god but I’m assuming by tomorrow it’ll be way up and if I see numbers in the triple digits on the scale again I think I might have a total breakdown. Idk why I’m posting this because I know no one can tell me I didn’t gain weight because I know I must have, I just don’t know why the fuck I did that. I wish I could purge
[Other] How many pounds is the average appendix?
/u/brlouse
Created: Mon May 28 06:37:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mpqxk/how_many_pounds_is_the_average_appendix/
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Just wondering, no reason.
Anyone here with experience taking HUM supplements? Specifically the Skinny Bird supplement..
/u/FitBasis
Created: Mon May 28 06:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mpmht/anyone_here_with_experience_taking_hum/
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Supposedly it suppresses appetite and prevents overeating. My mom gave me a bunch and I'm wondering if anyone here has any experience with it in general. Also wondering about whether or not it helps hunger pangs on a somewhat extended fast (like 3-5 days).
TY in advance :)
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! May 28, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 28 06:13:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mpma0/weekly_stats_update_may_28_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for May 28, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 28, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 28 06:13:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mpm8s/daily_food_diary_may_28_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 28, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] Fear and Joy of Relapsing
/u/UselessProtractor
Created: Mon May 28 05:08:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mpa8b/fear_and_joy_of_relapsing/
---
It's been about a year and a half ish since I've recovered from anorexia. At least mostly. I can eat like a normal person \(even though I frequently think it's too much\) and the thoughts rarely bother me anymore. But I feel like I'm hungry all the time still. And when I do get hungry it's ravenous and it makes me so cranky. What's worse is if I stay hungry for too long I start to feel this creeping madness of the old anorexia voices whispering to me. They just want me to continue not eating, it'd be so easy. But I know deep down that that life feels terrible and accomplishes nothing. How does everyone else deal with wanting to relapse and missing the disorder?
Obviously I try to eat as soon as I realize I'm hungry so I don't have to go through this battle but sometimes I'm caught at work or class and cannot leave to eat.
TD;LR When I'm hungry for too long I want to relapse and I miss the disorder. How do you cope?
[Rant/Rave] I feel like a failure.
/u/BlondeActually
Created: Mon May 28 04:55:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mp7vr/i_feel_like_a_failure/
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I’m about to get my period. I haven’t had it since start of February and now that I feel the headache-y, crampy and bloatedness coming on I can’t help but feel like a failure. I know that I should be happy that I haven’t starved myself to the point of infertility but all I can think of is that it’s because I’ve gained.
This sickness has messed up my mind completely.
[Help] someone talk me out of going out to buy binge food
/u/changedish
Created: Mon May 28 04:49:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mp6pr/someone_talk_me_out_of_going_out_to_buy_binge_food/
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I’ve been restricting so hard lately and I can’t really focus right now. I know that carbs will fix all of this dizziness. warm, delicious carbs. fast food. fries, burgers, fried chicken. but I know that if I binge then I will purge, and lately I’ve been trying not to purge so much. also it’s almost 4am where I am and I probably shouldn’t be going out right now. someone please help.
What do your diets consist of right now?
/u/jazzcatss
Created: Mon May 28 04:21:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mp245/what_do_your_diets_consist_of_right_now/
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tbh at the moment i'm only smoking cigs and eating various junk food. that mainly consists of binging on things called icy poles which are just ice blocks that taste like lemonade. i was just curious as to what everyone else eats (or doesn't eat lol) here.
[Rant/Rave] I had probably the worst conversation of my life
/u/Awkward_Mermaid
Created: Mon May 28 04:06:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mozq8/i_had_probably_the_worst_conversation_of_my_life/
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Warning: major word vomit 🙃
So I finally told someone about my ED, they're now literally the only person irl that knows about my problem. He's a super caring and genuine person so I expected him to be understanding about it but also upset because, you know, health. And you know what? He practically encouraged it! He said that he was best friends with a girl in high school that almost died from anorexia but honestly I don't think he understands the disorder at all. He basically said that if that's what makes me happy then to just try to be safe and now he keeps giving me tips on how to boost my metabolism and stuff like that pretty much daily. He's literally cheering me on. To be fair, I don't look "sick." my bmi actually puts me at obese. Is it totally screwed up that I want to look sick now so maybe he'll take me seriously? Don't get me wrong I'm glad he's not overly worried about me because I really don't want him to be at all but this is just so opposite to the reaction I was expecting that I don't even know how to handle it. Sorry for the long and pointless post, I'm just kind of shocked still and needed to tell someone about my weird ass life. Props if you actually read this whole thing lol.
Is it okay to stress eat if you're underweight?
/u/IiteraIIy
Created: Mon May 28 03:59:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8moyiz/is_it_okay_to_stress_eat_if_youre_underweight/
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I'm sorry if this subreddit is not the right place for this question. I wanna say real quick that I don't have an eating disorder, but I have trouble gaining weight and have been pretty underweight for most of my life.
Lately I've been gaining weight from stress-eating. I have anxiety (GAD) and have found that eating gives me something enjoyable and distracting to do. When I informed my psychiatrist, she seemed happy and told me that I can stress-eat all I want right now as it is healthy for me, compared to me sometimes not eating for 1 or 2 days.
I'm wondering what people with personal experience think about this? Even though I've never been overweight I still have some anxiety about being overweight as I don't have a very good body image as is.
Again I don't have any EDs, so I might not have the right to post here. I have respect and sympathy for all those that struggle with EDs and am not trying to claim to know what it's like to have one. I'm more afraid that I might end up developing one as a result of my stress-eating.
First GP visit
/u/Jwish91
Created: Mon May 28 03:09:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8moqnh/first_gp_visit/
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Hi all, long time lurker, first time poster.
My psychiatrist has identified I have disordered eating. She has asked me to go to the GP each fortnight to get my blood pressure and heart rate monitored. Has anyone else had to do this? Does the GP look at anything else? Just trying to figure out what to expect as I’m really anxious about it. Thanks :)
we broke up
/u/psychardelic
Created: Mon May 28 01:17:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mo92w/we_broke_up/
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1 week ago, we had a big fight and i felt like the end was near. but we tried to fix things, and i truly thought things would be okay. today, we broke up. the whole week i was so stressed out, overeating and then purging repeatedly. i feel so unloved. the only person in the world who was supposed to love me and care for me has left. i have nothing else. i cannot stop crying.
[Goal] I’m going into treatment again, but it’s totally different this time.
/u/operadiva31
Created: Mon May 28 00:57:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mo5nc/im_going_into_treatment_again_but_its_totally/
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Today is my 28th birthday. I have had at least one alcoholic beverage almost every night since I was 11 (a few months total of sobriety at various times due to inaccessiblity or an attempt at cutting back) mostly to try to finally find some relief from insomnia, anxiety, depression, ocd, possible bipolar, a 16 year struggle with an eating disorder (bulimia, EDNOS, restriction, you name it, I’ve done it, etc.) Tomorrow (~30 hours from now) I will be on a plane to a program that specializes in addiction treatment, as well as eating disorders, and mood disorders. I even get to bring my doggy, who I have registered as an emotional support animal. I’m so happy and excited to start off a new year with a new set of goals and a new way of coping with life. I think you all are frequently the only ones who actually understand me, so thank you for being such a helpful and important part of my life. Seriously, this community frequently reminds me what I’m living for and why I continue. 💗💗💗
Sick of thinking about food
/u/cancookaroast
Created: Mon May 28 00:48:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mo46g/sick_of_thinking_about_food/
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and how I've had 300 calories today so of course I can only have 42 calorie soup for dinner bc "you don't want to get fat, do you?" Because obviously having over 400 calories in one day is going to lead to obesity so I definitely shouldn't have any of the pre-made, delicious meals in the fridge that are all 300-400 calories.
[Discussion] Anyone else freak out enough to ECA stack at 11 o'clock?
/u/JayLenoBlows
Created: Sun May 27 23:41:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mnsfm/anyone_else_freak_out_enough_to_eca_stack_at_11/
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I panicked because I ate a small bowl of ice cream tonight and went for a bike ride but that wasn't enough to make me feel good, so I guess I'm in for a long night tonight. God I wish I was normal
[Help] What do I watch to keep healthy when I'm underweight?
/u/tobethinspo
Created: Sun May 27 22:57:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mnk21/what_do_i_watch_to_keep_healthy_when_im/
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I understand there's increased risks (just like there is with obesity) with being underweight. I know some of the causes (lower bone density due to hypocalcemia, iron defiency, general nutrient defiency) but I'm wondering what else there is, and what I should specifically keep an eye on
Just hit underweight (haven't updated my flair yet) and am prepping for the lecture from my dietitian
Lost 35lbs, still feel fat.
/u/tjking333
Created: Sun May 27 21:52:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mn7rl/lost_35lbs_still_feel_fat/
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I've spent the last like 2 months starving myself and I still feel gross and fat, like nothing's changed. I wish I had taken pictures when I'd started maybe then I'd be able to see it.
[Discussion] Does anyone else not have a standard frame type? And finding thinspo and BMI/calculations that actually is for their body shape?? Links to various Endo-Meso-Ecto tests and stuff in post. Also, I get a bit ranty in here, you've been warned.
/u/7sided
Created: Sun May 27 21:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mn0in/does_anyone_else_not_have_a_standard_frame_type/
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My body frame type comes up all manner of wonky when I try to calculate it measuring my wrists or elbows and it's been pissing me off as that's supposed to be the most accurate/standard way of doing this. I want to be able to account for my structural mass when doing my calculations!
I'm above average height for a woman and currently either just over or just under* average weight according to BMI and the [BBC global BMI scale thing.](http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-18770328)
So by the common descriptions of the frame types on most sites, going by [wrists](https://medlineplus.gov/ency/imagepages/17182.htm) I'm an Ectomorph as [my thumb and forefinger overlap significantly](https://www.freedieting.com/true-frame-size) and by elbows I'm an Endomorph. Using both, it just doesn't work, like with [this](https://www.myfooddiary.com/resources/frame_size_calculator.asp) site. But going by any of the frame shape [descriptors](https://blog.teleme.co/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Blog_3-Body-Types-01-1024x640.jpg) I'm either a freakishly oversized Endomorph, a mishapen Mesomorph or lanky Ectomorph.
My wrists at the narrowest point are 13.5 cms at a tighter measurement and 15.5cms looser (which do you use?) and my elbows are 6.5 to 7 cms from fingertip to fingertip across the joint approximately.
But to add to the confusion: So I'm tall, I've got really big shoulders, hips and ribcage and I'm weirdly muscular (even tho I sleep a lot and don't exercise more than a longish walk a few times a month). I've also got small wrists and ankles tho and long arms and legs and a small bum and a small waist. Buying jeans or tbh any clothes that fit properly really difficult (huge oversized shirts are so comfy tho). I can put on both weight and muscle easily but can drop over 10lbs in a week and keep it off if I'm not thinking about food, and I get kinda stringy looking when I'm lower end of standard average BMI.
#So what the fuck am I?
After like 2 hours of link diving the best frame size calculator I found was [this](https://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/becker3.htm) online test which scored me as
>ENDOMORPH: 38%
MESOMORPH: 50% ECTOMORPH: 13%
but I'm guessing the answer to this question:
>A PAIR OF RELAXED-FIT JEANS (WITH A CORRECT WAIST SIZE) FIT ME:
>TIGHT AROUND MY GLUTES.
>PERFECT AROUND MY GLUTES.
>LOOSE AROUND MY GLUTES.
I chose 'Tight' as my hips are big, right? But because I don't think I've ever worn a pair of 'relaxed fit jeans' in my life (team skinnys and jeggings here, still need a belt tho fml), let alone any jeans which fit perfectly around both my waist and hips. Are these 'relaxed fit jeans' high waisted or low? Low waisted jeans look weird on me with my violin dip hips and tend to fit weird around my legs because my hips are wide from frame and not fat. Are these hypothetical jeans elasticated? Being 'relaxed fit jeans' aren't they supposed to be loose? And what about pants which are tight on the hips but not over my little (but not flat mind you) white girl ass?
If I pick loose tho, as they well might be, I get:
>ENDOMORPH: 25% MESOMORPH: 50% ECTOMORPH: 25%
Which I suppose feels kinda right but how the hell does this now affect the 'start with 100lbs and add 5lbs for every inch over 5 feet that you stand and 10% more or less depending on your frame size' rule? Also does this mean I can account for my heavier frame when doing TDEE calculations? Do the Endo and Ecto cancel each other out or? Gah, I'm going to be obsessing about this for a while, lol.
*I've eaten badly over the last week and I've drunk like 5 litres of green tea so far tonight to keep me full as I purged my supposed safe food OMAD earlier. Every time I pee I lose like a lb (fluctuated 5 freaking lbs of water weight tonight, ffs). Also I'm back in restrict now so will likely be down like 10lbs or so in two weeks again before I hit the binge/purge cycle again.
***
I'd love to see everyone else's results and hear your gripes with this tho (if anyone's even read this far, lol). And if anyone knows of any other frame size calculating tests I can do or has any other thoughts about this stuff I'd love to read it!
Also, if anyone knows of any good thinspo for bodies like mine- I'd be super stoked to see it. I want to be inspired by perfectly thin bodies which I can feasibly look like- hips, shoulders and huge fucking ribcages and all.
[Discussion] DAE get waves of urges to listen to your ED that literally stop you in your tracks?
/u/peyton2724
Created: Sun May 27 20:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mmvq9/dae_get_waves_of_urges_to_listen_to_your_ed_that/
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Hi, so this is pretty specific.
For the five years I’ve had my ED, I’ve gotten these awful awful waves that feel kind of like the feeling you get when you’re really homesick, and they always come along with some ED thought/urge. You know, when you all of a sudden are like “woah fuck man I’ve gotta stop eating. forever. just stop that shit.” (Obviously way more serious than that but you guys get the point).
They’re often so bad and come so out of nowhere that they take me completely out of the moment I’m in. I’m just wracked with that homesick-like feeling and quite literally freeze and wait for it to pass. It’s becoming a really hard thing to deal with, though it doesn’t happen all that often, only a few times every month, typically.
I’ve never met anyone else with this, but I also have never met a fellow ED guy or gal. Anyone else get this or something like it? Please let me know.
[Help] Triggering Shows to Watch?
/u/its_freaking_bats
Created: Sun May 27 20:49:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mmv5f/triggering_shows_to_watch/
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I’ve already exhausted Supersize vs Superskinny and I’m having trouble finding good shows on YouTube. I want to watch My 600 Pound Life but it’s not on YouTube and I’m in Canada so I can’t watch it on the website. Suggestions are welcome!!!!
Which is better, elliptical or stair machine?
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Sun May 27 20:19:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mmp3p/which_is_better_elliptical_or_stair_machine/
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Which burns more calories but doesn’t bulk muscles too much? Toning muscles is fine but I don’t want to look big.
finally overweight and not obese
/u/fart_away
Created: Sun May 27 20:04:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mmltr/finally_overweight_and_not_obese/
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I wanna celebrate by popping a bottle of water
[Rant/Rave] i have lost 13 pounds and i do not look any different.
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Sun May 27 19:45:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mmhhr/i_have_lost_13_pounds_and_i_do_not_look_any/
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i started at 115 pounds, but in march i managed to binge my way up to 119 (as in i woke up and weighed that much three days in a row. it was not just bloat or water weight). recently i’ve gotten past my plateau and hit 106.
i don’t look skinnier. my thighs aren’t smaller. my face is still round. my arms are still flabby.
i hate it. all this pain has been for nothing. and what’s to say i’ll look smaller when i hit 100? maybe i have to go to 95 to see an actual difference.
[Tip] Every time I want to eat, I just look at this
/u/picattapinata
Created: Sun May 27 19:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mmgef/every_time_i_want_to_eat_i_just_look_at_this/
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http://www.midcenturymenu.com/2012/02/liver-pate-en-masque-a-retro-gelatin-dare/
[Tip] Every time I want to eat, I just look at this.
/u/picattapinata
Created: Sun May 27 19:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mmgdq/every_time_i_want_to_eat_i_just_look_at_this/
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http://www.midcenturymenu.com/2012/02/liver-pate-en-masque-a-retro-gelatin-dare/
Another woosh this week!
/u/BeautySmooch
Created: Sun May 27 19:15:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mmbbz/another_woosh_this_week/
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I didn't exercise much this week because of an injury, but this morning I lost two pounds! I was thinking about my diet yesterday. I basically ate honey nut cheerios with cashew milk, 3 in 1 coffee, two eggs, a tub of chocolate Breyers Delight, a pint of Halo Top in oatmeal cookie, vitamin water zero, and a decaf with a shitload of Splenda. The total came to just a little over 1000 cals. The foods I ate were mostly very soft and almost liquidy, so I am wondering if that played a role in my woosh as well. My stomach was relatively flat the entire day, which doesn't happen even when I restrict with a shit ton of veggies, which is much lower in calories. It almost seemed as if I just peed everything out. Could this explain my woosh? This isn't the first time this happened to me.
[Question] Is seeing the bones in your chest considered attractive?
/u/pailblusea
Created: Sun May 27 19:06:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mm97s/question_is_seeing_the_bones_in_your_chest/
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On mobile, can't flair.
So my body is weird. BMI 20.8. Collarbones show pretty good, I like that. I consider it attractive. My sternum is showing now though and I can't figure if it looks good or not. Skin is pulled tight over it like a drum. Boobs have shrunk, I like that.
The rest of the way down my body the fatter it gets. Tree trunk thighs that still rub together like a cricket when I walk. I'm working on it though.
So chest bone showing, yay or nay? I still got 14 lbs to lose to get to my UGW.
[Rant/Rave] Just need to rant for a second
/u/PM_ME_YOUR_PRBLEMS
Created: Sun May 27 19:05:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mm95i/just_need_to_rant_for_a_second/
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I haven't been on a date since I was 14, and I'm 18 now. I've had really bad anxiety throughout my life, but I've learned how to cope with it at least a good 85% of the time now. I was going to go on a date tonight with someone I really liked and have been talking to for awhile, but my anxiety has been so bad for the past week that I could't get myself to do it. And I know why it's so bad lately: because I've been in hypomania for the past five months, and now I think I'm hitting a low again. I was able to see a therapist/psychiatrist about nine months ago for my mood swings and ended up being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but my family could no longer afford my going, so I haven't been able to get any treatment. It was okay during hypomania, I felt great, I was alive and confident and outgoing. But now I'm just sad and depressed and want to die again. And when I told the guy I was going out with that I couldn't make it, he wanted to know why, of course, so I finally told him that I have bipolar disorder(I hadn't told him yet) and now he just seems like he's done with me. I think I hurt him.
I hate myself right now.
saw a picture of myself from a few years ago. rip me
/u/iamnotanuglygod
Created: Sun May 27 18:44:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mm4jr/saw_a_picture_of_myself_from_a_few_years_ago_rip/
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i was trying to find something on facebook that my mom posted a few years ago and found a picture of me when i was skinny. i was so little then and i'm so fat now, and it doesn't help that i've been eating like a pig all day because we just went shopping and bought ice cream. end my shit
you know when you think you maybe actually look okay for a minute and then someone takes a picture of you and you instantly see how wrong you are?
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Sun May 27 18:23:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mm005/you_know_when_you_think_you_maybe_actually_look/
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i thought i maybe looked cute today and well put together considering i still dont feel skinny but
lol
my face and chin is huge my hair looks so short and dumb my legs are fat and stumpy my shoulders are man shaped i look so chunky in my clothes
in other news time to fast
NOT me—but I’m intensely triggered by a relative. Guess the weight? 5’5.5”, legs and lower torso are just as skinny. And yes that is a second level of bone visible below the collarbone. Help! My eyes are seeing ED.
/u/OzOzz
Created: Sun May 27 18:10:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mlx1a/not_mebut_im_intensely_triggered_by_a_relative/
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https://i.redd.it/omm9xvbsnh011.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Birthday weekend meltdown
/u/lilqueenheartz
Created: Sun May 27 18:07:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mlwc7/birthday_weekend_meltdown/
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Me and some of my friends went to a hotel to spend the night for my birthday.
This means I had to be with my friends for about 24 hours at least.
My friends not know about my eating disorder and I didn’t want them to find out on the day we’re just supposed to sit around and have fun.
We went to a restaurant
Then got ice cream
Then went to the peep store
Got back to the room and ate more candy
WENT TO THE POOL
and then somehow ate more candy
The next day (this morning) MORE CANDY AND COOKIES (cuz self control isn’t a thing)
AND THEN IN THE FINALE A BURNT BAGEL
I honestly wanted to die the whole time and I cried a little bit when everyone went to sleep and I just feel lost and annoyed and there’s nothing I can do about it now. I hate this and I hate how I couldn’t even say no if I tried.
I can’t do anything right.
I don’t even want to know how many calories that was but I feel like shit.
Guess who’s not eating this week!!!!
[Rant/Rave] Hit 2 and a half stone weight loss this morning, then proceeded to stress eat an estimated 3500 calories due to master’s degree deadlines.
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Sun May 27 17:48:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mls8f/hit_2_and_a_half_stone_weight_loss_this_morning/
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Just gotta confess and be accountable
Sat in the library today, 3500 words into a 5000-6000 word essay which is due tomorrow morning, when I suddenly realised that I didn’t understand the essay topic (which I picked for myself 🙄) as fully as I wanted to, so probably won’t get a very good grade, and just sobbed. Completely in public. I think I was on the verge of a panic attack because I had pins and needles everywhere and I couldn’t feel my face, and felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I shouldn’t have picked such a difficult topic. It’s my own fault. I’m just out here trying to pretend to be smart when I’m a fucking idiot compared to everyone else around me. I’m a fucking fraud. Both as somebody with an eating disorder and as an academic. Applying to PhD places at the moment, and I know I won’t get in anywhere, because I’m good on paper, but there’s usually interviews for this shit and they’ll meet me and know I’m an idiot.
Anyway. Broke down in the library. Proceeded to eat 1000 calories worth of sandwiches, and 700 calories worth of snacks. Then had a prawn madras with rice for dinner because my mum’s staying with me and wanted to get takeaway and I was just like ‘sure’, when I’ve been eating 350 every day recently to get down to my current weight as quickly as I have.
Soooo I’ve probably gained tonnes of weight and got a shit grade on that essay, but at least I got it done, and I’ll rectify my eating in the next week.
[Help] Have to stay well for kids, that pressure is making me sicker. Panicking.
/u/qncg
Created: Sun May 27 17:34:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mlp2g/have_to_stay_well_for_kids_that_pressure_is/
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Okay so, this year, I have left a super abusive 7 year marriage, lost my job over eating disorder related illness, and been hospitalized. I have tiny kids. We have court on Tuesday because we are getting evicted, and I have very little hope that I'll be able to scrape that much together before then. So we are looking at living in a shelter, I think? I don't know. That seems like the only option.
I just got an amazing job, but the pay won't happen until June 15th and I have literally nothing left before then. My kids lives are nightmarish right now. They have no tv and little food, our internet is off, they can't watch their shows, and I'm sure they can sense my absolute batshit craziness brewing. They're anxious and stressed and our lives blow. And they're about to blow harder and it's my fault.
I know I need to get it together, cut out my food controlling bullshit, find a way to get more groceries, find a way to fix this, try harder, not be so weird and crazy.
But I fucking can't. I'm terrified. I'm not okay. I'm so scared I'll lose this job because it's demanding and I'll have to juggle it on top of being homeless and everything else. I know this shit is my fault. It definitely is. And I know I owe it to them to be well and normal and okay. But I can't and I'm failing and I look like an idiot and I'm so scared.
[Rant/Rave] Feeling like I am too lazy with my ed compared to most of you guys
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sun May 27 17:19:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mllve/feeling_like_i_am_too_lazy_with_my_ed_compared_to/
---
I know most of us feel imposter syndrome and don’t feel fucked up enough to have an ed. And I know that I am super disordered when it comes to eating so I definitely have an issue even tho it’s undiagnosed (well my doctor diagnosed me as anorexic when I told her my eating habits but for some reason I don’t believe her, I feel like she just labeled me but how can she really know if I am or not)
My eating habits are going as long as I can without eating and then giving in and eating whatever I want 2-3 days out of the week. I don’t think I’m losing weight or it’s just super slow. And I only work out the following day after I eat and all I do is run however many miles I can manage (~10-14 a week)
But most of you guys are so meticulous and count your cals and restrict super low and still exercise when restricting and use apps like mfp and losertown. Oh and actually eat healthy foods!! I don’t have safe foods or fear foods- either every food is a fear or every food is safe.
I KNOW all of these thoughts aren’t constructive and I’m probably better off than someone who tracks every cal or has fear/safe foods, but it makes me feel like I’m not good enough. But all of the extra stuff is too stressful, I’d rather just not eat. And on the days that I do eat I almost feel like a normal person, i eat a lot but I think it’s more bc I have been starving, not an out of control binge, and it’s just one meal and getting high and eating snacks in bed w my bf.
I just have way too much fucking time on my hands when I’m at work and all I do is sit and think about this shit. But there’s a good chance I’ll go home tonight and spend time with my bf and feel ok about myself and be like “why are you even doing this to yourself” and allow myself to eat freely- which makes it super fucking frustrating that I spent the whole day stressed out.
Ok this turned into a huge ramble
[Rant/Rave] At this point I just admire everyone who can have food at home
/u/kein0815
Created: Sun May 27 17:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mlhs3/at_this_point_i_just_admire_everyone_who_can_have/
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I don’t know what happened. I’m in a super super bad binge phase atm (for the last 3 months tbh) and I reached a point where I can’t even keep food in my kitchen. No matter how much or what I’ll buy I eat it within the next 24 hours. And I fucking hate it. I don’t know how to get out of this.
What annoys me most is the fact that back in February I restricted so well. 400cal/ day with prepackaged food/ snacks for everyday. Without binging on those for the next day.
I am really wanting pizza hut right now
/u/disneyprincess1986
Created: Sun May 27 16:52:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mlfxv/i_am_really_wanting_pizza_hut_right_now/
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I am craving pizza hut so badly because I really want to binge even though I am lactose intolerant and plus my stepfather will make comments about my weight. It's rare that I binge but when I do I really go at it. Has anyone felt this way before and how do you feel afterwards because I feel like I'm going to do it.
Im so excited to move out. Just one more week then im free. Everything will be under my control.
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Sun May 27 16:49:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mlf9y/im_so_excited_to_move_out_just_one_more_week_then/
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I desperately need this. I'll have the summer to get down to my low weight and then when school starts I'm going to eat at maintenance and recover. I know. Everyone says this and it's probably not realistic as far as recovery goes. But this is my plan and its making me excited for the future. So there.
[Rant/Rave] I internalized other people's stupid comments and now I feel like I'm not entitled to suffering or being diagnosed with a mental illness.[Possible trigger warning]
/u/takethisedandshoveit
Created: Sun May 27 16:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mldt9/i_internalized_other_peoples_stupid_comments_and/
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I'm kinda fed up, rant ahead.
I'm not gonna lie, I hate my extended family with a passion. Most of them are self\-righteous assholes who never cared for me, bullied and humilliated me and they can shove their opinions way up their asses. But their snarky remarks and comments are forever stamped on my brain.
I can't shake off this feeling of being too privileged to have a mental illness, even though I clearly have one \(well two actually, but one is undiagnosed and will probably stay that way for some time\) and was diagnosed by a professional. Life has been a struggle since day one for me, just not in a way that is easy for others to see or understand. I don't even think I can ever be happy \(besides hypomania's high\) or lead a normal life, yet I have all these assholes telling me to get over myself and "stop being ungrateful because life has given me everything"??
And then I have my friends telling me that I'm "just so lucky" or that "everything goes well for me". I know they probably mean well but this kind of reaction pisses me off because it makes me feel so alienated, I can't even be normal around my friends who are already a "weird" bunch. Doesn't help that my best friend is my biggest trigger; I strive to weight less than her and she's 10 cm shorter than me and petite. It's always like this with me. I'm probably the problem and I hate myself for it.
I just secretly wish bulimia consumes me and then people will know how hard it was for me all this time. I want to see their faces when they look at me in the hospital, with my teeth rotten from purging everyday, my skin dried, my cheeks swollen and my fragile underweight body facing towards them as I approach death slowly but surely. I feel that much contempt right now.
Managed to fast today by opting out of dinner at a restaurant, but my family is angry with me
/u/mu514
Created: Sun May 27 16:40:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mld4q/managed_to_fast_today_by_opting_out_of_dinner_at/
---
I was set on fasting today, even though I knew both my sister and parents wanted to go out to a sushi bar. I'd been sort of dodging the obligation until today when I straight up said I wasn't coming. My dad kept insisting and pushing me to come, and he wasn't taking no for an answer, so I gave in eventually and got in the car.
In the middle of the drive there, I hear him talking about where my sister and her SO were. I was already unwilling, but then, my anxiety shot through the roof when I realized someone I didn't really know would be eating with us. You see, I really dislike dining out with strangers, especially when I'm already tired. In the middle of talking me into coming with, my dad had tricked me into thinking it would be just us, no one else. I brought this up to him, and he asked me if I didn't want to come and if I wanted to go back. I answered honestly, yes. So he drove back, and he was angry.
He'd been the one who spent all that energy pushing me to come out with them when I really wanted to stay home and nap (and fast). Now I'm tired and upset. I know my ED is messed up, but still, in that situation, what did he expect from me?
[Other] My horrible digestive system saves me!
/u/throneofweigh
Created: Sun May 27 16:37:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mlcg5/my_horrible_digestive_system_saves_me/
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I'm trying to get back on a regular eating schedule ( daily 24h fasts with ~500cals per day) and I almost broke my fast today. I literally had the food in the microwave and I was waiting for it to come out but all of a sudden I stopped being hungry and switched to nausea! I'm now hiding in my bedroom so I'm not tempted to eat again, but that was such lucky timing.
Typing this out is making me realize how fucked up I am all over again though lol.
Anyone want to join me?
/u/ital21978566556432f
Created: Sun May 27 16:20:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ml8jc/anyone_want_to_join_me/
---
Attempting to end this month without binging or purging, making this post for accountability. It's only 4 days, who's with me.
When all the drinks are on sale
/u/BlondeActually
Created: Sun May 27 16:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ml6o2/when_all_the_drinks_are_on_sale/
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https://i.redd.it/8va0d6ms2h011.jpg
[Discussion] I guess I’m confused - what kind of sub is this?
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Sun May 27 15:38:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mkyiz/i_guess_im_confused_what_kind_of_sub_is_this/
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TOTALLY HONEST QUESTION/CONCERN! I have zero resentment towards anyone I am just really curious!
I subscribed because it was proED. I’m not pro people *having* eating disorders. But I figured this was the one place I could be completely honest about my goals and didn’t have to hide how I reach them. But then I see some people who are upset about posts when they aren’t pro-Recovery. Some say this sub has really changed, and why aren’t mods calling people out for encouraging others for losing weight, fasting, etc. Is this not the place to talk about active disorders decisions?
Like, I’m losing weight. I’m trying to lose weight. And others post that they are losing weight and I congratulate them... but if that offends people then I must be in the wrong sub. Truly, I just want to be in the right place and I feel like this might not be it? Is there another sub that I should be posting in?
Legit question!
I hate eating
/u/UQ4120
Created: Sun May 27 15:29:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mkwk9/i_hate_eating/
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I wish I could take a pill and skip the whole experience altogether.
Not like an appetite suppressant, just something to completely opt out of eating until I choose.
And not a meal replacement... Soylent is fine for this function, but I'm off sugar.
I watch Intervention on A&E, and I know the alcoholics suffer in a different way than the other addicts. Because the alcoholics have to be around regular people, law-abiding citizens, celebrating a birthday with champagne or drinking a glass of wine with dinner. For the rest of their lives, unless they cut those people out of their lives.
I don't presume to know anyone's struggle, but I find everyone is always eating all the time. I can't escape it.
That's why I've been so isolated recently, spending more time at home because I'm safe with my safe foods in my safe environment... Anyone feel the same?
[Intro] I'm coming back.
/u/SpeckledCollie
Created: Sun May 27 15:13:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mksqc/im_coming_back/
---
I flirted with recovery because my then boyfriend told me that if I didn't get help then he would leave. Anyway, about a month ago he left me anyway. I said I was getting better and he yelled "your weight has fluctuated so much in the 4 months I've known you!" \(like, thanks dude, you are a dick\). So...what am I losing?
My mum saw me for the first time in 5 months yesterday and commented on how \*healthy\* I looked. Gee. Great. Code for fat.
My waist 26 jeans from Monki that fit me last summer do not even button up. Brilliant. They did at Christmas, and then Christmas happened.
I watched a ballet tonight and wow, those ballerinas. Fuckin' hell.
I took a selfie with my mum and adios jawline. I have a round face so it carries a lot.
What do you guys reckon? Should I weigh myself? I reckon I'm about 62kg, as opposed to be "comfortable" weight of 57kg, going by how clothes fit, I just don't want to send myself spiralling into a sad binge. Losertown says if I eat 1200 kcal a day I can be at my goal weight by August, so we'll see, I guess?
Anyway, long ramble from me. Peace out, chicas y chicos x
Mint flavored vape
/u/kittencatmeows1
Created: Sun May 27 15:08:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mkrk7/mint_flavored_vape/
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You guys!! I have found an awesome anti binge tool, I am a former smoker and on a whim I picked up a menthol flavoured vape pen.
It's intense and very minty, when I get hungry or am about to stick a snack in my mouth it crushes that craving immediately. It's very similar to brushing your teeth when your hungry, only I don't have to carry my toothbrush around like a lunatic. Plus if you get ones with nicotine it helps with appetite a little too
[Rant/Rave] I had a panic attack over maintenance calories
/u/peoniesanddoubt
Created: Sun May 27 14:49:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mkmwu/i_had_a_panic_attack_over_maintenance_calories/
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I’ve been restricting a lot recently. I decided to try and eat at maintenance one day, just to get some energy, and try to feel semi-normal. I am panicking about it and I don’t know if I’ll be able to stomach the sushi I’m supposed to eat with family tonight. This is exhausting and awful.
Are there any ED-related .PDF masterlists?
/u/_comethrowawaywithme
Created: Sun May 27 14:05:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mkcau/are_there_any_edrelated_pdf_masterlists/
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I'm on mobile so forgive my lack of tags/laziness with the search function.
It's probably been done before; I was hoping we could share or repost ED-related books or free downloadable content. It's been nearly impossible for me to find any good documents on this Kindle I'm stuck with until I get a real computer.
I remember reading Wintergirls on the web somewhere and it was perfect because there was no missing pages and it was scanned perfectly from start to finish. Sure, I have my issues with the way it was written, but the simple act of reading can keep me distracted from my own thoughts all day.
[Rant/Rave] Triggered af bc I love this shirt but would be a fuckin phony wearing it hahaha
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sun May 27 14:00:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mkayi/triggered_af_bc_i_love_this_shirt_but_would_be_a/
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https://i.redd.it/yt0bryx5fg011.jpg
[Discussion] Ec stack question
/u/Dingletringle2
Created: Sun May 27 13:53:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mk94o/ec_stack_question/
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Hey all,
I've just begun ec stacking. I was wondering, if I already drink a shitload of caffeine between diet soda and black coffee, is the caffeine pill neccesy for the full effect of the stack ?
I'm having difficulty being honest in therapy and it's preventing me from reaping any of the benefits.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sun May 27 13:38:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mk5oo/im_having_difficulty_being_honest_in_therapy_and/
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I want to be open about my problems and present an accurate picture of myself, but I can't force myself to. One of my new therapist's specialities is eating disorders, and I'm still naive enough to believe things might improve if I could just expel some of this turmoil and articulate how I feel. I'm not ashamed of admitting I have an eating disorder. I mean, she already knows. I'm afraid to be genuine about my ED (and everything else, for that matter) because that would shift our dynamic entirely. I've been denying myself for so long I don't know how to behave like the person I am while someone watches, and getting help necessitates sincerity and authenticity. I need to stop deflecting and pretending if I'm going to make progress, but I feel like I'm not in control of that anymore, like an actress being switched endlessly from role to role without her consent. I talk to myself when I'm home alone, and there's nothing about me that isn't different when there's no one present and I'm safe: my voice, my mannerisms, my diction. I'm practically unrecognizable. Would it be strange to give her the password to my online journal and ask her to read that? It's easier than saying it aloud, but I'd still have to bear through sessions that would presumably incorporate some of the things I wrote, and I'm not sure I'm capable of that. This is going to sound beyond moronic, but I'm terrified of crying depending on what she brings up. I started priding myself on not crying or smiling with my teeth in front of others when I was ten and I haven't ever since. I'm not proud of many things and I can't lose that. I feel like I've exhausted every alternative to therapy and I'm so fucking frustrated I can't make this work.
I had every intention to b/p today
/u/MissMagus
Created: Sun May 27 13:36:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mk58b/i_had_every_intention_to_bp_today/
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But my boytoy called off sick and I can't. I was butthurt af about it this morning, but I'm so happy right now cause I'm not stuffing face nor am I hunched over a toilet.
I WILL NOT fall into a b/p obsession and this week I'm really gonna start trying to be healthier.
I don't wanna obsess over this shit anymore. It's seeping into my personal life and im 100 shades of over it.
I got down to 103 this week...part of me wants to hit 99 before I start REALLY trying to recover but I know how toxic that mindset is...
Now that I can tell how scrawny I am, I wanna maintain and work on being healthier, but its so apparent how addicting this disorder is once you actively want to stop. I feel like a drug addict. Any food at all makes me paranoid, and even a bite of something sweet makes me feel like I just ingested 1000 cals even though it was realistically only like 50.
Today I had like 2 bites of blueberry crumble, a bite if strawberry halo top, and like 2 ounces of honey mead (boytoy eats sweets like cray) and im cataloging that in my brain as like 400 cals even though its probably closer to between 150 and 200. Maybe less.
I feel so hopeless. And cause I think I ate close to maintenance yesterday...I feel like a fucking failure for even eating what I did today and im fucking ravenous cause my tum got to function for a mere 12 hours.
Also the shits. Ive been in and out of the bathroom all morning and I hate it.
Ranting. Dont mind me. I just needed to get my thoughts out. Blech.
Mom keeps looking at me
/u/Grellous8
Created: Sun May 27 13:35:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mk4s7/mom_keeps_looking_at_me/
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm trying to recover from my BED, which means normalized eating and not overthinking food too much. When I eat less healthy stuff like cookies and crackers, I'm not supposed to think so hard about it. My mom has this bag of animal crackers that I snack on every now and then. Every time she hears the crinkling of me opening the bag, she fucking looks at me. Every. Fucking. Time. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO irritating. She just makes me so self-consciouis and offput by it. I hate her. And I can tell that she knows it, because she doesn't do it as obviously as often, but she is so fucking shit at being subtle about it, the way she slowly turns her head to look. It infuriates me. I know it's such a little thing, but holyy fucking shit, mom, it doesn't help when you fucking stare at me every time I try to eat regularly (as in, no one looking at me as though I'm being judged). AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Sorry for raging so hard. I just needed somewhere to rant. Fucking hell I hate my mom.
[Help] *Google's calories in a cup of cabbage*
/u/yaogauiasaurus
Created: Sun May 27 13:30:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mk3ns/googles_calories_in_a_cup_of_cabbage/
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Then proceeds to eat half a coffee cake.
I am so unhappy, you guys, and have nobody to talk to. I just needed to type this out
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Sun May 27 13:29:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mk3c5/i_am_so_unhappy_you_guys_and_have_nobody_to_talk/
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Nobody knows about my eating disorder. I have some friends (like three or four) who know that I am depressed and that I have been wrestling suicide thoughts for a long time, but my ED is a secret, so to say, because I don't feel comfortable talking to them about stuff anymore- they also never really ask how I'm doing. They just don't give a shit. I had symptoms of a heart attack in the middle of the night not too long ago, texted two of them because I was scared and they said 'i need to sleep', 'get well soon' and 'how the fuck am i supposed to help you? stick it out'. I was scared shitless that I was having a heart attack because heart stuff runs in my family, i had intense chest pains, had trouble breathing and they told me to shut my mouth and let them sleep. I don't know why I'm telling you guys that, I guess I'm just hurt and angry.
Anyway.
I went to a huge festival yesterday. It was over 90F and I would've died wearing long clothes, so I got myself together and wore a short top and a high- waisted hotpants. It was the first time I had ever worn a top that showed my stomach, and the first time wearing hotpants in years. I was really happy about it yesterday. I liked that guys were looking at my ass, I liked to not be ashamed of some faded scars on my legs, I really did. But my friends took photos.
A friend of mine told me there were some really good pictures of me and they were incredibly ugly. I didn't smile on one of them, my body didn't look even near okay on one of them. They were full of ugly stares, my fat face, stomach rolls, stretch marks. And the fact that he thinks they were pretty? How ugly must I be for him to think that these were good pictures of me?
So, I kept looking through the dropbox with all the pictures and I just looked fat. There were no nice pictures of me, none with good posture, none where my stomach looked flat, none where my legs looked okay. They were ugly and fat. I was ugly and fat, because I am ugly and fat. Any other person I saw that was even bigger than me looked awesome, but as soon as I look at myself, I think it's ugly again. What the fuck.
I hate this. I hate how alone I am in this, I hate that I need to keep living for the sake of everyone who cares only about the role I possess in their lives, not for who I am. I hate that I have been living like this ever since I was 4. I hate that for some shit reason, destiny thought I hadn't experienced enough shit and had to dump an eating disorder on top of it. I hate my dad for causing it. I hate my friends for not caring about me. I hate myself for not being able to break out of it. I am sick of being this way.
I am sorry.
[Rant/Rave] 31st day of residential
/u/hopeless_anon
Created: Sun May 27 12:47:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mjt7r/31st_day_of_residential/
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I don’t know my weight but it’s in the triple digits again again. :(
I missed 3 months of school this year and spent 3 weeks in the hospital. I’ve been hitting emotional lows this entire time and I don’t even want recovery. I’m going to be in residential for another month or 2 since I’m so fucked up. I keep doin all my ed shit even in the treatment. I know calories in literally everything and I know how to play their system to still restrict. I don’t even know why exactly I’m writing this. I’m just sad that treatment doesn’t seem to be working at all for me. I feel just as anorexic and even more depressed than I did a month ago. It sucks because I’m going to have my birthday in fucking residential and aghhh. This is just a big ass rant because I’m not getting better I’m just gaining weight.
Ps I will be online for the next couple hours but after that I’ll be gone again since I’m not even supposed to have my phone. :(((
[Help] Help on breaking the b/p cycle?
/u/tobethinspo
Created: Sun May 27 12:44:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mjsbj/help_on_breaking_the_bp_cycle/
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Everyday I promise myself I won't puke and everyday I break that promise. Any advice on techniques that have helped you stop?
[Rant/Rave] I just need someone to tell me they believe I can get through this week
/u/alonlioak
Created: Sun May 27 12:43:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mjs4a/i_just_need_someone_to_tell_me_they_believe_i_can/
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I have big exams Monday to Friday and between my ed and general laziness I am at a point where I may well fail some of them. I’m so overwhelmed right now holy fuck. Will I survive not sleeping for pretty much five nights? Who knows. Will I end up binging out of stress? Probably. At least I can chill tf out and start restricting again at the end of the week. Part of me wonders how much better id do in these exams if I didn’t spend so much time obsessing over my body and weight this school year.
I probably sound 13 rn but I’m 17. Any advice is welcome or just plain old telling me I can do this would be nice because it seems impossible right now. Despite there being no alternative.
[Other] Does Halo Top taste "healthy"?
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Sun May 27 12:37:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mjqsc/does_halo_top_taste_healthy/
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It recently showed up in my country and I'm so excited, but it says "good source of protein" so I'm concerned.. Does it *taste* protein-packed? I wouldn't want whey-flavoured ice cream. Does it taste like "real" ice cream? Basically is it worth it.
And whats your favourite flavour. Thanks.
Eating disorder math and Where the fuck did it all go?
/u/Grymdolin
Created: Sun May 27 12:29:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mjot4/eating_disorder_math_and_where_the_fuck_did_it/
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I woke up this morning thinking "Why is my heart beating like I didn't eat anything yesterday?" I mean I had like 90 calories worth of chicken, and 2 corn tortillas so that's 190 calories total, and then I burned 150 calories running, and was running around at work...
Then I realized that to my body, it was probably like I ate 0 calories. I was 116.5 lbs yesterday morning and I just weighed in at 114.8. What the fuck is even going on. I didn't even shit yesterday. Where did it go???
I officially fit into size 4 jeans and I have mixed feelings.
/u/kat-official
Created: Sun May 27 12:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mjkd1/i_officially_fit_into_size_4_jeans_and_i_have/
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So today I was in the middle of doing the dishes when I noticed that there was a pair of jeans on top of the china cabinet that looked really cute. I looked at them and I was like, ew, size 4, i'm way too fat for that. But then I put them up against my body and they looked like they'd fit me perfectly, so I decided to just try them on and hurt my own feelings. But I fit into them perfectly and they look really cute on me and I've never felt this good in tight clothes before. Last time I went jeans shopping I was a size ten and I haven't worn jeans in over a year. So I'm really really excited and my mom even told me I could have them if I wanted them, so now they're mine!
I'm so happy I'm this skinny now, but also I feel like this is maybe telling of how sick I am. I've dropped 6 pant sizes in a year and a half. That's a whole pant size every three months if I'm consistent in my weight loss (which I'm not). And even more telling is that even though I know I'm at least a normal, fine weight now, I still want to lose more and feel skinnier. I don't see these jeans as a goal as much as I do a checkpoint on my way to becoming so morbidly skinny I think I might actually die before reaching my goal. I don't know why I can't just accept this win and wear the jeans and be happy without overthinking it like this and ruining it for myself.
Just some thoughts I had, I couldn't share on my peach because my phone is broken so I'm putting them here, idk.
[Help] Started welbutrin and I’m too afraid to eat
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sun May 27 11:55:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mjgby/started_welbutrin_and_im_too_afraid_to_eat/
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This is my third day taking 100 mg welbutrin. I know it’s too soon to tell how it’s affecting me but I’ve heard a lot of people say it suppresses appetite. Well I’m also like 60 hours into a fast and I think it is making food sound less appealing. It’s weird bc I still feel hungry at times but the thought of food and eating feels so gross, but I also love the sensation of eating so I still want to even tho the food doesn’t actually sound good.
I’ve hyped it up in my head that this med will kill my appetite and help me lose the last 5-10 lbs but since I haven’t tried eating I don’t know if I’ll go over board and eat a ton like usual when I break a fast or if I’ll get full quicker (hopefully) and eat less. I know I could try to eat something small but I will only allow myself to break my fast with heavy delicious food.
I’m also frustrated bc my weight is still the same despite fasting so much bc it’s super easy for me to eat three days worth of food in once sitting when I break a fast.
I’m just scared to eat and realize this med doesn’t actually affect my appetite and on top of that it’s just hard ending a fast in general.
I’m so so sad. I don’t want to be like this but I don’t want to stop. I want to eat but I want to starve.
Story of our fucking lives right
[Discussion] DAE watch Bravo Real Housewives and obsess over some of their bodies and/or wonder if they have an ED too
/u/redditfan5353
Created: Sun May 27 11:38:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mjbwv/dae_watch_bravo_real_housewives_and_obsess_over/
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[removed]
I'm so irrationally sensitive it's pissing me off.
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Sun May 27 11:29:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mj9p9/im_so_irrationally_sensitive_its_pissing_me_off/
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Yesterday I got SO angry and sad at my boyfriend while we were play-wrestling, I was on top of him on an awkward position and he asked me to move because I was hurting him (fair), since I am "20lbs heavier than him". I corrected him, saying I had lost weight and was actually just 10 lbs heavier (In my defense, his bmi is like 16). He then jockingly shouted something in the lines of "Yeah, like I said, 50lbs heavier!" and I was so so pissed at this comment. Like, I know it was a joke and that I`m being stupid but ughhh why did he have to do that???? (he doesnt even know about my ed, why am i like this)
Interview for pro-ana
/u/jay-is-investigating
Created: Sun May 27 11:24:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mj8iq/interview_for_proana/
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Hi all. For a school project, I am creating a short documentary on pro-ana websites/the glamorisation of eating disorders, and I would really like if someone is willing to give a small interview (via text, email or skype with identity hidden). I think that this is extremely important as giving voice to the people who use said sites. The person giving the interview can either support these websites or be against them. I am doing this documentary in order to come to a conclusion: should the government censor/criminalize these websites? Please let me know!
PS. I do not have a research-ethics board as I am not in university, however, I have permission from my school.
Recovery
/u/Niht_tnoucca
Created: Sun May 27 11:01:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mj2tg/recovery/
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I feel so much better, I’m not sure how to describe it. I’m finally eating good foods just because I want to, and exercising because I like it. I’m still emotionally wack, but it’s a relief to not worry about this anymore! I’m so proud of myself for coming this far :-)
[Tip] if you're iron deficient or a chocolate addict i have a recipe for ya
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sun May 27 10:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8miz6h/if_youre_iron_deficient_or_a_chocolate_addict_i/
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not sure if this is actually yummy or if im at the point of thinking any food tastes good but essentially its \~200cal chocolate oatmeal.
take half a cup of quick oats, not sure about the exact amount of water but the oats should be completely submerged. i like my oatmeal on the watery side so you do you. pop that in the microwave for 1.5ish minutes then add 1\-2 tablespoons of plain cocoa powder \(fry's brand tastes best imo\). Stir it up real good and there ya go.
idk maybe its gross but i've been loving it. plus its somewhat filling, has a ton of fibre/water, & will give you energy and happiness \(because chocolate\) :\)\)
The bmi percentile thing of BBC is unhealthily addicting.
/u/nihpur
Created: Sun May 27 10:30:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8miv1t/the_bmi_percentile_thing_of_bbc_is_unhealthily/
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So bbc.com has a calculator where it assumes your at what percentile you stand compared to the world and your country. I went from top 2% heaviest for my age group to bottom 5% and I was constantly checking it out. It really ties a sense of achievement to reaching a lower bmi.
[Tip] How to curb hunger? Lactose intolerance!
/u/celestialmisstep
Created: Sun May 27 09:54:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mimmb/how_to_curb_hunger_lactose_intolerance/
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Still hungry after restricting all day? Try drinking some dairy based protein when you're lactose intolerant. The nausea, bloating and intense diarrhoea will surely stop you from ever wanting to eat again!
[Rant/Rave] i think my "recovery" period was just an obsessive fitness/orthorexia phase
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sun May 27 09:51:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8milwf/i_think_my_recovery_period_was_just_an_obsessive/
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so i've been struggling with restriction/binge phases since i was a kid. about 3 years ago i relapsed bad into restriction and lost \~30lbs, then discovered veganism and fitness and thought i was recovering.
in the beginning maybe i was. i felt happy and was eating healthy foods to in good amounts. but then i became obsessed with achieving what society perceives as a "fit" body \(a big butt with flat abs\) and started weight lifting and running for hours a day. i was also eating to the point of discomfort every day. i HAD to eat a x amount of macros because i was scared that if i didn't all that exercise would be for nothing. eventually i started binge eating junk food which led to my recent relapse and quitting weight lifting. now i'm down 25lbs and im losing all that muscle i worked so hard for. it sucks.
i've realized that fitness was never about feeling good for me. i couldn't just exercise for the sake of enjoyment and health, it had to be either weights or running with a specific number in mind. and it was all about appearance. ughhh :/
[Rant/Rave] Hitting new lows (emotional, not on the scale)
/u/xxxanon1117
Created: Sun May 27 09:16:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8midjm/hitting_new_lows_emotional_not_on_the_scale/
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Possibly a long post, I apologize in advance. So, I wrestle with severe chronic pain every day and occasionally massage can take the edge off, but I can rarely afford it as often as I need so my partner massages my upper body when I ask. It's already very difficult to be shirtless around him, but yesterday I thought I may have done something bad to my scapular area because it felt especially painful so I had to take a picture of my bare back so I could look for inflammation. I saw the picture, and started having a breakdown. I made him clothes his eyes and put on my "comfort clothes" (those that fit when I weighed over 100lbs more) and covered myself up to my neck in a blanket because I have not felt so disgusting in a recent memory. I wanted to puke or run or something. In the photo you could see old stretch marks that wont go away and extra skin and bones sticking out, but no figure. It's not a thinspo body. It's not what people think when they think anorexia or 112lbs. My mind is such a messed up place. Sorry for the rant.
Tl;dr: just a breakdown over a bad photo of me. More restricting to come!
Food Diary
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Sun May 27 08:56:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mi8xv/food_diary/
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I went over the rules and I think this is allowed but I’m sorry if it’s not.
So usually I just track what I eat on an app but I think writing it out and knowing people can actually see it would work better. So I’m just going g to update throughout the day. Also my goal is around 1000 calories for the day. I know that’s not a lot of restriction but I’m trying to ease myself.
It’s 9:30 here and I haven’t even gotten out of bed. Pretending to be asleep means I don’t have to eat. Although I heard the people I live with cooking earlier and they probably made me something to.
Update it was protein pancakes. They were small so I had 3. About 150.
HAES question
/u/hamburger_helpher
Created: Sun May 27 08:37:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mi4q4/haes_question/
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So I’m laying here having my tri-daily inner frustration/rant dialogue about the health at every size thing, and I’m having a Keanu moment about it.
Because if they really think it’s possible to be healthy at every size can we just use the trope to say our underweight bodies/goals are acceptable and “healthy”? (I mean, I know they’re not but work with me!)
Like.. we goooood?
(And again it’s super frustrating because of course they would disagree considering all of the gripes and tropes about how even people in the lower-overweight categories are “too thin” to a lot of these people, so they don’t really believe in health at EVERY size. But if they DID would they technically be in our corner?)
Sorry I had to get this out of my head and somewhere else because it’s like a ping pong match is going on inside of my cerebellum right now 🤷🏻♀️
[Help] Ephedrine on it’s own? Taking it for the first time, too nervous to take it with caffeine.
/u/EDTW
Created: Sun May 27 08:37:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mi4po/ephedrine_on_its_own_taking_it_for_the_first_time/
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Hi guys. Lately my ED has been telling me to “experiment.” Yesterday was bad, I restricted all day and ended up taking laxatives and psyllium husk which was not fun. Then I got drunk and binged and basically today I feel like shit, like I need to regain control. So my solution is to try ephedrine for the first time. I’ve read about and watched videos for ECA stacks and all that. I would be fine with it, but I am sensitive to stimulants. I used to have an addiction to adderall (probably was ED related) that was very severe. I am clean from that, but I don’t want to do an EC stack because I’m scared my heart can’t take it? I have a fear of fainting. My question is, is taking the E without the CA still effective? Will it still give me that good stimulant feeling? Also, what can I expect in general? People online make me think it is some sort of crazy hyper pill, I could be wrong though.
[Discussion] Does anyone else use pills? I take 2 Alli before eating. 37 mg of adipex aka phentermine in the morning when I get up.
/u/thethugwife
Created: Sun May 27 08:16:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mi09m/does_anyone_else_use_pills_i_take_2_alli_before/
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[Rant/Rave] Sorry Im so chatty lately. I'm the Vyvanse person who has stopped binging. Day 3 and Im up a pound?
/u/FitCelery3
Created: Sun May 27 08:09:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mhys0/sorry_im_so_chatty_lately_im_the_vyvanse_person/
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This is just so frustrating, but I'll admit that I drank a liter of perrier at 4am when I woke up and that's unusual.
I'm still eating around 600\-800 cals per day of like lean protein and a quest bar or two, but I would think that at least not binging would make the weight go down and not up? Will there be a whoosh? I'm going to start eating under 500 and thank god for MFP and the general principals of CICO.
Any tips for keeping under 500 cal? I've done it before but it's been quite awhile. Vyvanse is helping.
I think I may take out the quest bars. They seem to always make me retain water like crazy.
Anxiety that only goes away when I eat
/u/cartoonsandscience
Created: Sun May 27 08:05:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mhxvi/anxiety_that_only_goes_away_when_i_eat/
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Lately my anxiety has been getting extremely bad. I got a running injury and went from running at least 10 km 4 times a week to not moving at all (doctor's orders). My anxiety has been spinning out of control since. I get this extreme anxiety that only goes away when I eat. The anxiety makes me feel hungry, or it makes me feel like I have low blood sugar. It happens at night when I try to sleep. I am a recovered insomniac and the thought of my insomnia coming back makes me incredibly anxious. This anxiety causes the hunger, and the hunger keeps me up, causes me to stay awake, thus increasing my anxiety about not being able to sleep. For the last 2 weeks I've had to pull an all nighter 3 times, caused by hunger. Melatonin doesn't help anymore. Does anyone else experience anxiety that causes hunger? I used to be able to sleep on nothing but a little vegetable broth but lately my anxiety makes it impossible to sleep unless I just binged. I fucking hate myself and I hate that my life is spinning out of control. I have heavier sleep medication but that keeps me tired all day too, and I can't have that because my exam week at uni starts tomorrow, and I won't be able to concentrate.
Anyone else don't know what their 'normal' weight is because they have always been underweight?
/u/leanderstorm
Created: Sun May 27 07:34:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mhrmi/anyone_else_dont_know_what_their_normal_weight_is/
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Like, even at my highest weight/healthiest time I was still below the 'healthy range'. I've lost quite some weight this school year (I'm 5'10, went from 54kg/119lbs to 48,5kg/117lbs and now 47kg/103,6lbs because I'm sick). I know that my weight is too low, but I just can't tell how bad it actually is. I'm so used to my reflection that I can't look at myself objectively. I feel relatively healthy and okay, but I might as well be destroying my body right now.
Please give me motivation not to binge!
/u/HonestRaspberry
Created: Sun May 27 07:08:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mhmpe/please_give_me_motivation_not_to_binge/
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I have been binging lesser but I still find it really difficult not to binge. Anyone can tell me tips not to binge or motivation to continue not binging?
[Help] i weigh differently depending on where i stand on the scale and it’s freaking me out
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Sun May 27 06:46:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mhiyu/i_weigh_differently_depending_on_where_i_stand_on/
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this morning i stepped on the scale, but i was a little farther up than normal. my scale has four metal circles in each corner. my heels were above the two bottom ones. the scale said 109.4. i weighed 106.0 yesterday, i know that it’s water weight, i KNOW. i still freaked out.
i got off and re-weighed myself, taking extra care to stand towards the bottom. it said 108.2. i re-weighed myself multiple times on different areas of the scale, and they all came out as 108.2. so yes, i’ll probably lose it all over the course of the day if i don’t eat until at least dinner, but i’m still miserable and now i feel like i can’t trust my scale.
i don’t know why the first time came out so high. does anyone else’s scale do this?
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 27, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 27 06:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mhd4d/daily_food_diary_may_27_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for May 27, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 27 06:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mhd4a/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!
DAE think faces have genres?
/u/throwowawayayy
Created: Sun May 27 06:01:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mhbif/dae_think_faces_have_genres/
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That potentially affect how fat or skinny someone looks, or just how you'd judge someone for their perceived fatness? This is probably completely nonsensical, but I think there's a specific type of face that certain fat white girls have, like Amy Schumer, and Meghan Trainor, and Nikkietutorials minus the lip fillers, and if you have that face then being fat is simultaneously more expected and less acceptable. Or maybe I'm just speculating about that last part, but I do believe this 'genre' of face exists. (And unfortunately, I have it, so I must be as thin as possible to compensate.) Bodies overall have genres too - like the type of body that's really soft and skinny and weirdly pale and even-toned, like an uncooked loaf of bread, with no muscles, which always seems to be skinny, but if it does gain weight (I've seen it happen due to antipsychotics) the weight gain is weirdly even and even makes their fingers look swollen. Even though they're always skinny, and it suits them, I'm kinda glad I don't have a body like that. The amount of weight you'd have to lose not to look 'soft'... Idk, this probably doesn't explain anything. Feel free to remove this post if it's too irrelevant.
[Other] MyFitnessPal?
/u/starlightsymphonies
Created: Sun May 27 05:34:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mh7cd/myfitnesspal/
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Hey there! I’m sure there’s already a post about this _somewhere_ in the sub, but I’ve been searching for a bit and haven’t found one with any recent activity.
Anyways, pretty straightforward here, but would anyone want to be friends on MFP? All of my current friends on there are from the days when MPA was actually useful socially (so it’s been _a while_), and have mostly stopped posting anything.
My username is the same there as it is here, just let me know where you’re coming from and I’d be happy to add you! Or drop your username below, and make some new friends!
[Help] Binged for 2 days and freaking out
/u/sendjubes
Created: Sun May 27 04:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mgzm7/binged_for_2_days_and_freaking_out/
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I know it probably seems really petty to some of you guys who suffer from real binges but it feels like a binge and I lost control.
Yesterday I had 2100 cal and today I had 2500 cal. I have a bunch of tests next week and it's my final year of school so I guess that's triggered it but I'm freaking out. I normally restrict to 1200 or less (if I can get away with it) because my family has rediculously large dinners at the table together so I can't avoid it, normally I just have 110 cal in the morning and don't eat until 7pm.
I'm so scared I'm gonna gain weight back. I NEED to be losing right now. Both my sisters got really fat during their final year of high school and I don't need that cos I'm a trans guy and I need to be thin so that I don't get girly looking fat.
How much damage have I done? Help
I like to pretend I have bulimia but I'm really a binge eater.
/u/mycoworkersstalkme
Created: Sun May 27 04:37:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mgzls/i_like_to_pretend_i_have_bulimia_but_im_really_a/
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Today I had
A smoothie
Sesame cakes with hummus
Vegetarian Ruben
Pumpkin bar
An entire fucking pizza (veggie, no cheese extra sauce from papa johns)
Half a cheese bread
Two PBRs
2 Blonde Fatales
A small amount of fries and sauce from work.
Fiber one bar
Like holy fuck
I don't need to eat that much.
I don't need half of that.
"I'll never do it again. Today is the last day I do this" I tell myself.
*its all a big fucking lie*
And now I'm stressed out and expecting more binges because my idiot boss keeps stalking my reddit accounts and is asking me "what's up" *fuck off*
I hate myself. I'm mad at my life and who I have turned back into.
I used to have self control. One year ago I was retarded enough to believe I was recovered.
Look at me now.
I make my self sick. Literally sick.
I need to let out all these bottled up thoughts
/u/Butterfly_Rose
Created: Sun May 27 04:25:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mgxyq/i_need_to_let_out_all_these_bottled_up_thoughts/
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Long timer lurker, first time poster...
University stress has taken its toll, I used to be fit and 110lbs at 5'2" and even then I hated my self. Four weeks ago I pulled myself out of denial and weighted by self and to my absolute disgust I was 120lb.
There's noone I can talk to because I'm in the healthy BMI range so if I voice my concerns I always get "don't be silly you're not fat, you're slim!". Yeah right.
So I decided to stop whining and do something about it, I'm actually proud to say for the past four weeks I've dragged my sorry ass out of bed every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and made my fat cry before a day of full on studying.
But that's not enough.
I tried eating the bottom limit of 1200 calories a day to loose weight healthy but I feel fat and disgusting eating that much. Like I actually feel the fat forming on my face (gain and lose weight on my face fist).
The only time I feel as though I've achieved something is when my calories are 800 and under.
But I still feel awful about myself.
I'm 114lbs now and I hate that this weightloss is so slow. Sometimes I wish I was over 200lb so the pounds would fall off faster. Sometimes I wish I was just half a foot taller so I could eat more and see less fat.
My exams are in the next two weeks. Everytime I study with my friends all I can think about are my wobbly arms and cellulite covered thighs. I look at their bodies and envy her flat stomach or her slender arms.
There's just so much going on in my head and I have noone to talk to about it so I came here hoping someone would understand.
I just want to be liked and be confident in myself but that won't happen :(
Thanks for reading guys.
I don't want to be sensitive, but I hate Chinese culture
/u/Glazed9000
Created: Sun May 27 03:56:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mgu1e/i_dont_want_to_be_sensitive_but_i_hate_chinese/
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My mom's friend called me fat. He said I was skinny when he saw me at 12 years old. No shit dude, I'm not a prepubescent girl anymore. I know I'm fat af. I don't need you to let me know. Maybe I'm just being sensitive, but I feel like just walking out of this dinner...
It shocks me how much this is 'working'.
/u/Judo_Noob_PTX
Created: Sun May 27 01:49:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mgeex/it_shocks_me_how_much_this_is_working/
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I'm losing weight. All my life I wanted to be pretty, and skinny, and to have a flat stomach. But exercising is so hard. And when it hit me that I could just eat less and exercise a little but still lose weight, I tried it. And by tried it I mean I discovered all this mess and fell in, but unfortunately it is 'working'. As in I am losing weight. And that feels so good that I can't see any reason to stop. Whoops.
Lying to Loseit app about my age?
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Sun May 27 01:44:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mgdsn/lying_to_loseit_app_about_my_age/
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So I'm a minor, and when I entered my birthdate it told me I'm under 18 and so can't join. I fudged the info a bit and registered as being born in 2000, which really isn't *that* much difference? I mean, okay, it is, but still. I didn have the patience to log everything via pen and paper, so this is really convenient.
Idk why but I'm feeling this is a bit morally questionable.
[Discussion] How do you lose weight?
/u/bvad4780
Created: Sun May 27 00:56:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mg7a8/how_do_you_lose_weight/
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At your fastest/most rapid weight loss what were you doing to achieve that? I’ve been at 129 pounds for the longest time and I need advice
[Rant/Rave] Fuck summer
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Sun May 27 00:11:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mg12e/fuck_summer/
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it's summer time in california and you know what that means;
BEACH TIME!!!!
AREN'T YOU EXCITED???
I am fucking not.
It's so fucking ironic how i thought my eating disorder would enable to throw on a bikini and feel hot asf (or at least not repulsive) and have a good time because guess what!?
I turn heads. I DEFINITELY turn heads, but not in anyway i want to. Nobody envies me, nobody wants me. I look sick. people look at me with this mix of morbid curiosity and concern and it kills me. I feel so self conscious i could explode.
My hipbones and ribs stick out so far. I haven't got a lick of sex appeal. I can't even find any bottoms right enough to stay on my flat ass.
I know it's embarrassing for me, but it's embarrassing for whoever i'm with, too.
It just absolutely blows.
It's going to be 95+ degrees all next week and there's a lake two minutes away from my house and i won't be able to enjoy it at all because i look like a halloween decoration.
Fuck this. I want it to be winter again so i can hide my body in big sweaters and pretend i'm not a freak.
What’s something that your ED took from you? Is there anything that makes you wish you didn’t have an ED?
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Sun May 27 00:05:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mg05y/whats_something_that_your_ed_took_from_you_is/
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[Help] LOWEST amount of calories (even with a low bmr) consumed to see results?!?
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Sat May 26 23:39:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfwhd/lowest_amount_of_calories_even_with_a_low_bmr/
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Hey guys, fellow ED sufferer here. I've been restricting to 500-800 calories for more than a few months and I have lost weight but lately it's been SO SO hard and I haven't seen any results and it's killing ME! My GW is 115 lbs and I'm 5'7". Last month I was around 125 and now at night I'm in the 30's?!?! I shouldn't of weighed myself at night bc it's probably water weight but it's killing me inside and I'm about to start cutting myself again.
So please, what's the SURE amount of calories you can consume that with even a super low BMR you can still lose weight? 500 doesn't seem to cut it. I do binge sometimes but not enough for me to gain 5 or 10 pounds. Please help me!!
I wish my boyfriend understands how hard it is for me to make changes and accept my anorexic condition because it is hard for me now.
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Sat May 26 23:30:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfv47/i_wish_my_boyfriend_understands_how_hard_it_is/
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because of my condition, it is making us draw apart from each other. i am crying everyday now continuously and his words are not helpful to me at all.
my pain is real. i need to feel safe and understood. i just want to stop crying randomly and feeling so confused, emotionally tired, and weak. i just want to be ignorant, happy, and free of any illness. why is it to hard to be strong , normal, and healthy like the rest?
[Help] Tips for eating on vacation?
/u/its_freaking_bats
Created: Sat May 26 23:12:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfsb0/tips_for_eating_on_vacation/
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I’m travelling to a different province for the week and I have been stressing out about how to keep eating at a deficit while staying in a hotel. We won’t have access to a fridge or stove etc so that naturally means there will be lots of restaurants. I am planning on hitting up the grocery story there on the first day for any fruits or snacks that can be kept outside of a fridge but I am panicking that I’m going to end up over eating and gaining weight that I have worked hard to lose.
Any tips and recommendations you guys have are much appreciated
Food is my only thought
/u/cheekyegg212
Created: Sat May 26 23:03:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfqxa/food_is_my_only_thought/
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Since I’ve come home, my ability to restrict has gone down the toilet. At University I’m able to distract myself and keep the food I want around me (non bingeable) and I’m in control.
At home I’m surrounded by great bingeable food and it’s literally all I think about whether I’m fasting, eating a mea, finishing or starting, or just sitting. I literally can’t stop thinking about snacking. I’ve lost the ability to just stop. Thinking. About. Food.
am I trying to restrict too low so I’m extremely tempted by plain things, even like yogurt? What is going on? Tips?
[Help] TMI but how to deal with no sex drive?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Sat May 26 22:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfpic/tmi_but_how_to_deal_with_no_sex_drive/
---
I know this is TMI but so is everything I write here, and i figure some of you must experience the same thing. My sex drive is totally, totally dead. It was never huge to begin with but now I have no interest at all. The idea of taking off my clothes and having to interact with my body is a total non starter for me and I’m guessing my hormones are also all screwed up. I’ve also been in a really stressful point in my life recently with a lot of transitions which isn’t helping either. But I have a really great SO of several years that would have sex five times a day if he could, and I know our lack of a sex life is killing him. He told me today that he doesn’t know if he can do this anymore. And I totally understand that but I also can’t seem to force myself to just do it. I don’t want to lose him but I also don’t want to do it just for his benefit. Does anyone have advice? Sorry again for such a weird question.
[Discussion] how much weight do you lose when you cut your hair
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Sat May 26 22:34:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfmcf/how_much_weight_do_you_lose_when_you_cut_your_hair/
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i have relatively thick hair (for someone who lost a shit ton thanks to ednos) and i cut it. it probably won’t make any different but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
A note in "Wintergirls" and my small response
/u/PM-ME-CORGIS
Created: Sat May 26 22:33:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfm6n/a_note_in_wintergirls_and_my_small_response/
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https://i.redd.it/6zk7zp4utb011.jpg
[Discussion] DAE walk a lot as exercise?
/u/FeliCat
Created: Sat May 26 22:18:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfjek/dae_walk_a_lot_as_exercise/
---
I've been spending quite a bit of my free time this summer just walking around my city. I try to hit at least 10k steps a day (as recorded by my iPhone's pedometer), but 25-30k is ideal tbh. It's compulsive, time consuming, and leaves me with joint/hip discomfort but then again I find it kind of relaxing? It's nice to put on a podcast and zone out for a while. Also the relatively high calorie burn makes me feel better about eating maintenance so idk :/
[Rant/Rave] The highlight of my day is updating my weight on every app I use.
/u/majimasan
Created: Sat May 26 22:12:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfiag/the_highlight_of_my_day_is_updating_my_weight_on/
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When I'm losing weight, the best part of my day is recording a loss on all of the 10,000 apps I use. I feel like I use more than one app just so I can prolong the satisfaction, lol. I also use Instagram and post a daily weight update, then change my flair for this sub. It's really sad that this is the happiest thing in my life at the moment, but it's good motivation.
This is also why I refuse to consume a single drop of water or food, MUST pee beforehand, and have slept a minimum of 8 hours before I'll weigh in. Just so I can get the most accurate reading possible. It's madness.
[Rant/Rave] I hate posted calorie counts
/u/papsandwiles
Created: Sat May 26 22:01:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfg9a/i_hate_posted_calorie_counts/
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I was having a good day today and feeling really strong and for some reason an Egg Mcmuffin felt very safe??? But when I went to order the calorie counts everywhere were so fucking triggering and borderline disturbing.
I wish I could just eat without feeling like shit.
I have to rant about my new CW!
/u/Firerose157
Created: Sat May 26 21:57:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mffiy/i_have_to_rant_about_my_new_cw/
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So, I just got to weigh myself with a scale, and it says 110 lbs!! At my height (5'4"), that makes my BMI 18.9, so close to underweight!!! :D I am so god damn happy but no one would understand - my bf immediately walked out and said "Yup, you're gaining weight" after I told him. Honestly want to push harder to get those few pounds to be counted as underweight, but I'm afraid he's gonna be paying closer attention now. I know an 8 pound difference isn't much, but seeing 110 vs 118 is something I didn't expect!!
I got a scale, new CW!!
/u/Firerose157
Created: Sat May 26 21:46:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfdmw/i_got_a_scale_new_cw/
---
https://imgur.com/a/OCXt6o4
[Other] My eating disorder gave me gallstones
/u/tscxcvi
Created: Sat May 26 21:43:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfd45/my_eating_disorder_gave_me_gallstones/
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After months of switching between heavy restriction and binging, I started to get this intense, horrible pain in my stomach that would radiate to my chest and my back. Turns out I gave myself gallstones from my incredibly healthy eating habits! I had to get it removed 2 weeks ago. At least my body can’t handle any fattening food at all because I also have IBS, so I’ve been losing weight steadily. Can’t help but feel annoyed at the fact that I damaged an organ so badly that it had to be removed just because of my eating disorder. Oh well! At least I’m losing weight!!
GUYS. (I had no scale before)
/u/Firerose157
Created: Sat May 26 21:31:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mfayj/guys_i_had_no_scale_before/
---
https://imgur.com/a/STAdzcr
[Rant/Rave] Is anyone terrified restricting won’t work?
/u/peoniesanddoubt
Created: Sat May 26 21:17:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mf86g/is_anyone_terrified_restricting_wont_work/
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I have started a nasty habit of weighing myself everyday and it’s messing with my head. I restrict on the days I can, but there are a few days a week that I can’t get away it. So I eat 1000-1400 on the weekends to make it seem like I always eat like that. On the weekdays I eat 600-700.
I just feel like the scale barely moves and I am so freaked out it won’t work and I’ll be fat forever. I also workout an hour every single day. Am I losing my mind? Does anyone else panic over this?
[Help] Tips? Advice? Help? I'm so sad y'all
/u/sadanna
Created: Sat May 26 20:15:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mewne/tips_advice_help_im_so_sad_yall/
---
Hello, hello. im struggling so much, I really need some help.
So, I've had eating disorders for years, now. I was about 90 pounds maybe 3.5 years ago. Lots of restricting, lots of depression. Then I flew into binge eating once I 'recovered'. Now I'm about 140 pounds. Y I K E S. I feel awful, so uncomfortable, no confidence, avoiding mirrors. The whole deal. I've tried offing myself twice, and I had to go on medical leave from school.
Anyway, I've been starting to restrict again. I'm so so depressed. I wanna be back down to like 110 pounds. Is it doable? Please, none of this is useless, right? Like it's possible to go back down to that weight? I've lost a lot of hope.
New favorite snack
/u/Wisdomtoothinquiry
Created: Sat May 26 20:12:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mew44/new_favorite_snack/
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Take a pickle sandwich slice and drizzle a healthy amount of Sriracha and some lite sour cream over it. I'm stoned for the first time in a long time and I'm craving everything. It might not actually be good but I really enjoyed it.
help tw:puke
/u/facebook42
Created: Sat May 26 19:32:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8meobj/help_twpuke/
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i just found a puke bag under my bed that's had to have been under there for two weeks
i'm living with my parents currently and i'm not sure how to get rid of it ): help help
[Rant/Rave] I said Hey! What’s going on?
/u/light_as_a_feather04
Created: Sat May 26 19:25:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8memwt/i_said_hey_whats_going_on/
---
Y’all I’m 35 currently visiting my mother for the weekend. My 12 year old son is with me. I’m drunk af and baked out of my head. I just broke up with my boyfriend.. an old flame is offering to put a down payment on a house for my son and me. Oh my ex just got married. I’m like a country western music video without any tits or ass. You all are so supportive.. I’m relapsing within my relapse and IDGAF. Oh and fuck relationships. I’m gonna try this sugar daddy thing out and see how it goes 🤷♀️
I just want to be the skinniest person in the room.
/u/tjking333
Created: Sat May 26 18:26:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mebd4/i_just_want_to_be_the_skinniest_person_in_the_room/
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This is sort dumb and really weird, but I have this weird obsession with being the thinnest person in any room I walk into. I spend so much time guessing weights and comparing myself and I just feel like a huge weirdo for doing it.
Favorite gum?
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Sat May 26 18:07:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8me7em/favorite_gum/
---
I dont know about you guys but I live off of sugar free gum. Anybody have a favorite flavor/brand? Really enjoying strawberry smoothie ice cubes rn.
Tips for not binging
/u/Dingletringle2
Created: Sat May 26 18:07:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8me7ba/tips_for_not_binging/
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Anybody else end up binging while dieting because all you can think about is your current weight so u just say fuck it without thinking for a second this is only making it worse? Anyone with success beating this mindset have tips on how to overcome it?
[Rant/Rave] Today I won a battle
/u/WorthlessMouse
Created: Sat May 26 17:58:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8me5fp/today_i_won_a_battle/
---
I’ve been in active recovery a little over a year now (I hit a year on May 15). My therapist has been amazing and so supportive, never making me feel like I failed or like shit if I took a few steps back. A few weeks ago, I decided to stop counting calories and try intuitive eating. I was fucking terrified. I knew I was going to gain weight - and I did. 6 fucking pounds. I shouldn’t have weighed. I told myself I was done with the scale but my pants were a little tight, mainly because of pms bloat. It even accounted a little bit for the higher number on the scale. But there’s never a logical reason for us right? Anyway, I talked to her about it yesterday and decided to throw out the scale. I did it. Today I tossed my scale in the garbage where it belongs. Because I’m sick of being tied down to a number. Even though I am overweight (thanks b/p!) I don’t want to do it anymore. I need to lose about 20 pounds to be in a healthy weight range. But I don’t care. I’m okay. I don’t have high blood pressure or diabetes. My heart and cholesterol are perfect. For now, I’m going to put every bit of energy into recovery. I’m finally ready to 100% commit. I was still scared and unsure before yesterday. But today I said fuck you.
I also got rid of all the clothes I’d been holding on to. I’d always buy smaller clothes because I told myself I’d restrict until I fit them. That never worked though, because I binged a lot. I’m currently a US size 10. That seems a huge way from the size 2 I dreamed of, and used to be. But today I donated all the clothes that make me feel like shit. All the things I’d been holding to are gone. I finally let go of the idea that I’ll starve myself into them. Maybe one day I’ll be a 2. Maybe my weight WILL settle like my therapist says it will without counting calories and exercising like I should. But for now I’m content with my size. I bought a ton of new clothes that make me feel good at my current size. Today I won.
Thanks if you made it this far!
TL;DR: I finally said fuck you to my ED and stopped counting and stopped weighing and gave away all of my clothes I was restricting to fit into.
[Goal] plans once at goal weight
/u/smallest_madeline
Created: Sat May 26 17:57:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8me5bq/plans_once_at_goal_weight/
---
I posted this on peach but I thought I'd get a wider audience's views.
When you are at your goal weight what kind of diet and exercise regimen do you want to employ to maintain?
Androgyny
/u/ci-fre
Created: Sat May 26 17:53:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8me4ea/androgyny/
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I think I'd really like a certain physique that would be described as sort of androgynous—like, skinny and flat-chested and without a large butt or something, but probably with a defined waist. I hated hated hated getting breast growth during puberty, even when people said it was attractive to have breasts or whatever.
Disclaimer-ish: I guess this is all because of my ED, so I don't really want to say I'm nonbinary or anything. I guess [this](http://www.myproana.com/index.php/topic/3339658-anyone-relate-feel-this-way-gender-wise/) MPA thread sums up what I'm saying. I'm too hesitant to call it related to gender identity in any way since to me it seems more like, idk, an aesthetic choice born of my ED or something. I'm not sure; I guess this gender stuff is complicated.
DAE relate?
[Rant/Rave] I can’t decide what I want. Why am I such a bitch?
/u/atexasgal
Created: Sat May 26 17:51:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8me423/i_cant_decide_what_i_want_why_am_i_such_a_bitch/
---
*me in my head when my boyfriend tells me that I need to eat, that I’m a perfect weight where I am and expresses concern about my eating habits *
“Um, excuse me, don’t tell me what to do, I’ll eat when I want to, he needs to just leave me alone, stop bossing me around”
*me in my head when my boyfriend finally realizes that lecturing me about eating wont help me and shuts up*
“What the FUCK does he want me to be unhealthy?!? does he even care that I’m sick?!? Does he want me to lose more weight????”
like if he acts concerned I get mad cause I want to restrict but if he stops bc he knows I’m a lost cause I get pissed cause I feel like he doesn’t care about me
lol why am I like this
[Rant/Rave] Too Fat to Have an ED
/u/uh-oh-pathetic-oh
Created: Sat May 26 17:45:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8me2tq/too_fat_to_have_an_ed/
---
So there's this friend of mine, let's call her Gina. I told Gina forever ago that I had an eating disorder: bulimia. I totally forget that I had told her and had no idea that she knew anymore. Now I'm overweight, I won't lie, but I've had bulimia for about 4 or 5 years now.
Anyway, couple of months ago, I showed Gina my research essay on eating disorders and had her look at it to see if I had any errors. After reading about a page of 10, she looks up at me and goes, "Don't you have bulimia?".
I kinda stared at her and said, "Yeah, how'd you know?"
She said, "You've told me."
I said, "Oh, I forgot, sorry." She kept reading and that was the end of it. In the paper I listed all of the side effects and everything on the majority of eating disorders.
I texted Gina again last night because she had missed me at a meeting and was wondering if I was okay. I said, "No, not really."
She said, "What's wrong?"
I said, "Not really sure how to put it... but I had an argument with someone and I basically told them to stop talking to me. And the whole thing made me feel sick, so to keep from puking, I haven't eaten today, so I feel a bit weak and shaken up and that's pretty much the majority of it."
She replied back to that and NEVER mentioned the fact that I hadn't eaten or had to keep from puking. So that's why I feel that my eating disorder is invalid, no one would even care if I was a stick. But that's my motivation: to get so thin that people worry about me, people start to care. Because when you're fat? Your eating disorder isn't real enough to make anyone want to help you. At least not when you're me.
Trying to be ok with weight fluctuation
/u/ekwater
Created: Sat May 26 17:19:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mdxec/trying_to_be_ok_with_weight_fluctuation/
---
Yesterday I weighed myself after coming home and was 127 \(checked 3 times lol\).
I ate some carrots \+ hummus as a snack and chugged a few cups of water\- was then 128.
Ate dinner \+ drank more water. The scale then said 131.
I didn't eat anywhere near enough calories to gain anywhere near that much... water is heavy but it's still frustrating, lol
I work in a supermarket and the food attitude of some kids just scares me...
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Sat May 26 17:12:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mdvqg/i_work_in_a_supermarket_and_the_food_attitude_of/
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And the parents' is just shocking. This really isn't meant to be judgemental, I get how busy parenting must be but it's pretty horrifying the effect shitty food can have on a kids behaviour. Things I saw today alone include:
* A young girl literally snatching a cupcake from her mum, multiple times and with a lot of effort, because she couldn't wait to get out of the shop. The mum didn't seem very fazed.
* Another kid grabbing at the chocolate bars his dad was buying him being told "no, you must eat your pastry first" \(It was a fucking croissant\)
* SO. MANY. children who would just grab and demand for sugary shit off the tills and just bought it to pacify them.
* A child literally crying when being told no.
If I ever have kids I'm determined this won't be the norm for them, that they won't constantly expect a sugar rush. Fuck corporations for exploiting this for money. It's so sad.
My absolute saviour
/u/raininginkyoto_
Created: Sat May 26 17:03:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mdtuw/my_absolute_saviour/
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So this weekend my parents are up visiting me, and I've been freaking out because my sister has been wanting to take us to this amazing curry restaurant where I didn't know how to disguise that I'm not eating much, so I just prepared to overeat and then work it off in the next week.
Well I accidentally solved my own problems entirely, by taking a chance on a hot curry. Turns out it was so spicy that all I could manage was about 1/4 of the curry with a couple spoonfuls of rice, and between the insane burning and how much my stomach has shrank I genuinely felt too full after it.
And now I have the leftovers from it, which will probably last me 3-4 days of food because of how hot it is. Nightmare situation turned into a win!
Introdusing Myself
/u/catcatcatcatkitty
Created: Sat May 26 16:56:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mds69/introdusing_myself/
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Hello everyone. I don't really know what I'm doing here. I'm just kinda scared I think. So I'm just gonna give some background on myself, if anyone is interested.
Back in high school my eating disorder started after I had accidentally stumbled on some tips online at the start of summer. I don't really remember how I got there but I remember trying a few of them. I had always been an extremely overweight, probably at times obese, kid. I don't think there has ever been a time I haven't hated my body. That summer I lost a ton of weight but I hadn't actually noticed it. We didn't have scales in my house to check and I had a weird habit of buying clothes that were too big for me. I think I was afraid of wearing too tight clothes. Anyways once I got back to school EVERYONE noticed how thin I was. Everyone commented on it. I was addicted. I still hated the way I looked but every day I got to hear "You lost so much weight!" I kept changing, I chopped off my long hair, had my braces taken off and pierced my bellybutton. I had even started a super intense workout session. I would wake up at around 3 every morning to run 5 miles. I lived in an extremely rural area and could sneak out easily. Then I would get home before my family in the afternoons and run another five. Right before dinner I ran my last five. But this didn't last forever. My senior year I lost some toxic people in my life - thank GOD!- and I got really busy with school and stuff. I had started to gain weight, maybe 10-15 pounds. That seriously sucked. I went form 112- my lowest weight- to about 125-130 by the time I graduated.
Starting college, I couldn't keep up with my diet and exercising. I just started eating what wanted- a huge mistake. See I live in the South. We like our food deep fried and mac and cheese is considered a vegetable. Ya'll I gained so much weight. I'm about to go into senior year of college and I now weight around 150. I'm honestly not positive because I recently moved and scale got lost in the move. I'll get around to buying a new one soon. I have access to the gym on campus but I just hate going. I hate working out. I know I should love it because it truly is a healthy thing but I don't. And to make matters worse all my friends love working out- running, yoga, weight lifting, cycling. Ugh. They're all skinnier than me to which is super embarrassing in our major.
I don't think I ever really recovered from my ED. I never saw anyone for it at least. I've also never felt good about my body. I've yo-yo'd back and forth between eating like a normal person, overeating, and eating the way I did in high school.
I think I'm going to end this with I HAVE to lose weight. I have to do anything I can. I've eaten yogurt, a small cheese platter- kinda like a lunchable- and some apples with peanut butter. It's almost dinner time. I'm so hungry I just getting pissed off. Let's just see how today ends....
[Discussion] DAE feel repulsed by thinspo?
/u/ffffxiv
Created: Sat May 26 16:26:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mdlc8/dae_feel_repulsed_by_thinspo/
---
I hope this isn’t too controversial, but I’ve never really felt motivated by thinspo. I never looked at it and thought “wow I want to look like that someday.” I always thought it was gross and repulsive. I never got the appeal of it because there’s bound to be thin ppl. I grew up around a lot of thin ppl. I don’t really feel jealous of them anymore because I know I’ll get to that point eventually if I work towards it. I do miss the privileges of being thin though.
ED Is Starting To Become An Actual Person In My Head Because I'm Pathetic and Lonely
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Sat May 26 16:06:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mdgtg/ed_is_starting_to_become_an_actual_person_in_my/
---
I feel like if I wasn't so alone or lonely all the time, that maybe I wouldn't actually obsess over food so much. Now I feel like my ED has taken on a personality of its own and although she's abusive and isolating, she's the only friend I have.
I remember being 12-years-old and making up stories about my "best friend", I made up his personality, his likes and dislikes, even his parents and how they were, where they lived, how often I saw them, etc. I was such a lonely kid that I had to make up a friend so my dad didn't feel bad for me. And that followed me for a long long time.
Anyone who was nice to me, I'd grow unhealthy attachment to. Even if I never saw them again, I'd think about them constantly. I'd play Teen Second Life and made friends there, friends I still think about to this day, 10 years later.
This feels just like that in a lot of ways. I feel like a really lonely kid all over again and my ED is my imaginary friend and she hates me but she's all I have.
[Rant/Rave] Pool Season 😅
/u/coffeeandselfhatred
Created: Sat May 26 16:03:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mdgam/pool_season/
---
I have to vent right now. Our apartment pool opened today. I decided it would be good for me to get out of the house and get some sun. No. No. No. never again.
A bunch of kids and their moms that were clearly whispering about me, while I stayed in my tank top and pants, covered up...sweating away...
Finally said screw it once my anxiety calmed down a bit, kept my tank top on but took off my flowy pants...only to be pissed about my cellulite and fat being way more visible in the sunlight. I feel so disgusting. I ended up leaving. Now I just want to go eat a cheeseburger and hate myself even more :))))) Please give me the strength to not screw this weekend up. Also, shark week is coming and I just want banana bread and chocolate chip cookies. Fuck.
[Rant/Rave] i think my ED stems from being abused as a child
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sat May 26 16:03:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mdg7l/i_think_my_ed_stems_from_being_abused_as_a_child/
---
I've always wondered why i felt so screwed up mentally from a young age \(earliest recollection of extreme OCD/anxiety and binge eating was like age 8 \). Then one day a few years ago my parents broke into my apartment and disrespected and insulted my SO and I. Oh also the next day they lied to the cops that I was threatening suicide and nearly got me locked up in a psyc ward \(they really don't like my schooling path, SO, and the fact that I moved out @ 18\). Everything clicked after that and I realized that they were never normal healthy parents and that they were emotionally and physically abusive all along.
Well here I am at age 22, still extremely fucked up and unable to live a healthy happy life. Thanks mom and dad :'\)
(PCOS) I've never felt like a "real" woman...
/u/_comethrowawaywithme
Created: Sat May 26 16:02:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mdg1n/pcos_ive_never_felt_like_a_real_woman/
---
I was born female and I identify as one, but my whole life I've been shamed by my family and peers for not being feminine enough. This was a huge reason I developed an eating disorder 7 years ago, shortly after hitting puberty.
I hated the fact that I had a period but no curves or feminine features to indicate my womanhood. Why didn't I develop breasts and hips? Why wasn't I interested in socializing, dating, fashion, girly things? After I met my first boyfriend, the people in my immediate family said they were shocked because they always thought I was gay. Literally just because of the way I looked/acted.
In reference to my body, I was always called "big-boned", "stocky", "linebacker", "brick house". My calves were "like tree trunks". I remember being measured for gym clothes in junior high and as the coach stretched the tape measure across my back she gasped, "Wow, these are footballer's shoulders."
No matter how much weight I lose, I can't change my frame. I can never make these comments untrue. I'm just not built like a girl and it's too late for that to change. I can't afford to enhance my body in any way. Maybe someday I'll be able to feel like a woman and will be able to embrace a body that isn't completely emaciated.
Maybe... But not likely.
[Discussion] The Power to Always Be Thin
/u/TinyPiedPiper
Created: Sat May 26 15:46:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mdcf5/the_power_to_always_be_thin/
---
I read this post that mentioned a hypothetical where you'd have the magical power of "always being healthy no matter what you ate" and my first thought was "But if I was always the same weight, I'd have no control over anything," which made me realize my ED is more about control and a sense of accomplishment than how I look.
I was just wondering if it was similar for other people or if other people would be perfectly happy just being thin.
[Tip] Tips to handle low-key bingy days?
/u/averybluebitch
Created: Sat May 26 15:43:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mdbop/tips_to_handle_lowkey_bingy_days/
---
Idk if this is normal ed behaviour or if I'm just fucked, but somedays I have this nagging hunger-like feeling that keeps me nibbling all the time. It's not a full-blown frenzied binge, but I still tend to eat over my limit :( just today I had:
-half a cup of cubed honeydew melon
-a small bergamot
-600-700kcal of a fudgy like thing
-300kcal of cheesy bread
-I also c&s a slice of diet orange cake
And now I feel so fucking bloated!!! And my family will probably make me eat dinner with them lmao kill me
What’s your favorite thing to order at Starbucks?
/u/coffeeandselfhatred
Created: Sat May 26 15:31:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8md92y/whats_your_favorite_thing_to_order_at_starbucks/
---
Venti Iced Skinny Vanilla Latte is my go-to.
It’s 110 calories, and 10 grams of protein, no fat, 17 carbs. If I want a few extra carbs, I’ll add a pump of white mocha. Other than that, cold brew with coconut milk and sweet n low. I’m a big fan of iced drinks.
At home I just drink black coffee but I usually treat myself once a week :)
What are your favorites?
Anyone else just forgot who he/she was before the ED?
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Sat May 26 15:30:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8md8vy/anyone_else_just_forgot_who_heshe_was_before_the/
---
Like i can't even remember who i was. The way i ate, went about my day etc. Now it's just filled up with food food food all day long. I was obese before my ED, but i was generally happy. I had hobbies and goals, intrest in my studies. As soon as my obsession with losing weight started, that all got thrown at the window. I started skipping classes so i could buy my low calorie safe foods. Food dominates my entire existing :(. Like i used to do IF without even knowing it. I hated to eat in the morning. Now i go to sleep dreaming about my oatmeal breakfast. Life's crazy
As ridiculous as it sounds, I'm envious of people who have to hide their disordered eating from concerned friends and family.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sat May 26 15:17:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8md5qa/as_ridiculous_as_it_sounds_im_envious_of_people/
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When I was restricting successfully, my family knew I ate my first and only meal of the day, which was two slices of toast and skim milk, at five in the afternoon. It took them months to notice, but when they did, they were perfectly fine with it. Despite knowing about my so\-called strict diet, my father pointed at an obese woman while berating me for not making a schedule daily and said the only reason my laziness hasn't caused me to look like her is because I'm young and my metabolism is still fast. I've switched to fasting for most of the week and it doesn't concern them whatsoever. This weird desire to have people try to stop my self\-destructive behavior is probably indicative of a huge martyr complex, but it keeps rearing its head no matter how hard I try to squash it. I want to be the kind of pragmatic person who'd thrive on their indifference and see it as liberating, but I'm not and sometimes I doubt I'll ever be. Most of my idiotic "I have a girlfriend who loves me" fantasies end up revolving around Imaginary Girlfriend™ consoling me or begging me to gain weight. I feel like a disgusting little attention seeker trying to earn a poor imitation of love through self\-immolation.
My SO Is Working Hard To Lose Weight And My ED Won't Let Me Be Happy For Him
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Sat May 26 15:12:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8md4ja/my_so_is_working_hard_to_lose_weight_and_my_ed/
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My SO is overweight and has been for a while. When I first met him, it was due to depression because of his ex, now he's gained more since me being with him because he's happy and likes the food I cook. I don't care, I don't necessarily notice it on him because to me, he looks great and I love him no matter what.
But now he's trying lose weight and keep track of what he's eating and I should be happy for him because I want him to get healthy and have more energy to do things. Diabetes and high blood pressure runs in his family so losing weight to counter that only makes sense.
On the outside, I'm super supportive and loving because he deserves that but on the inside my competitive ED is screaming at me that I need to lose more, too. AND FASTER than he does because otherwise he'll get down to a healthy weight and all these hot girls will flock to him and he'll leave me for someone hotter.
His friend made the same joke drunkenly that my SO is gorgeous when he's at a lower weight and I'll have to watch out because girls will try to get at him.
This made me panic because I'm not the prettiest person there is. My face is crooked and I have adult acne (super fun) But I can be the skinnier than them a d I'm just so disappointed in myself.
He's doing this to be healthy, not to attract other women. But my ED is screaming at me to lose more weight because he'll leave me if I don't.
TL;DR: SO is trying to losing weight to get healthy and my ED is screaming at me to lose more so he doesn't leave me for someone skinnier.
Depression and anorexia
/u/hardyzafon
Created: Sat May 26 15:00:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8md1ko/depression_and_anorexia/
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For a week or so now I have lost my appetite due to depression. This has happened before and got me to my lw (and to being suicidal). I have been doing much better since, I eventually forced myself to start eating things I used to love while watching tv or otherwise distracted and gained a little weight and my appetite came back, and with it my will to live. Of course with the gain came a surge in ED thoughts, b/p, I lost a little gained a little. But I was me again. Now I've been feeling the hunger and active ED thoughts and behaviour going away BUT I won't let myself eat since I'm not hungry. It's not that I haven't eaten for a week or how long it'll go on, it's that I know when people are like this a common depression survival instinct is to just eat a little, or things that are easy. And I can't but I know it'll make me worse. I haven't explained it well but can Anyone relate?
Like 3 people at work mentioned my weight today... (SH warning)
/u/Keysandcodes
Created: Sat May 26 14:57:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8md10o/like_3_people_at_work_mentioned_my_weight_today/
---
I don't know which I want more:
1. Cut myself
2. Binge
Fuck summer lmao
[Rant/Rave] Ended up in an ambulance for the first time today.
/u/celestialmisstep
Created: Sat May 26 14:57:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8md0wx/ended_up_in_an_ambulance_for_the_first_time_today/
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Woops.
Been severely restricting \(\<300 a day\) for the past couple weeks and fasted yesterday. Also recently quit taking Zoloft due to fear of weight gain. Turns out this was all a stupid idea because I ended up passing out in the street and my limbs started to seize. I guess I somehow thought that because I'm overweight fasting wouldn't cause me too many health issues but clearly I was wrong. Stay safe out there folks and don't quit SSRI's cold turkey!
[Rant/Rave] Finally underweight! 💕
/u/orchia
Created: Sat May 26 14:56:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8md0om/finally_underweight/
---
I weighed in at 118.8 lbs today, which is an 18.3 BMI for me :’) I don’t think I look “underweight” really, but I don’t absolutely hate my body either.
Also my UGW is 3.8 lbs away (gotta update flair lol) and I think I’ll actually be happy maintaining at that?? Lol that’s kind of a shocking concept to me, but also v exciting! :D
It’s a beautiful day and my ED has me cooped up inside
/u/Wigforfire
Created: Sat May 26 14:35:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mcvq6/its_a_beautiful_day_and_my_ed_has_me_cooped_up/
---
Currently it is 85 degrees and sunny where I live which is a beautiful contrast to the 50 degrees and rainy it has been for the last 2 weeks. I woke up this morning excited at the prospect of going for a hike or a walk around the neighborhood at the very least.
I had breakfast with my boyfriend and when I brought up hiking or walking he just brushed me off and said maybe we could go to the mall or to the movies. I told him it was too nice and I wanted to spend the day doing something active outside and I didn’t appreciate him ignoring that I wanted to walk. He kind of gave me this look and said, “well yesterday your therapist said you need to gain weight and that sounds like exercise and I can’t let you do that.”
I get that he’s worried but I’ve been eating a 2,000 to 2,500 calorie meal plan for a week now and I AM gaining! Plus I do more walking for work than I would doing on a walk or a hike, and we’re going out to celebrate a birthday party tonight so I know I’m not going to lose weight just from going on a walk. I don’t know it’s just so frustrating that I know he’s just doing what my therapist told him to do which is make sure I don’t exercise but I don’t think a walk is really going to push me over the edge. So now im pacing around outside so I can at least get some daylight before we spend the rest of the afternoon/night in a restaurant while he sits inside on his phone
[Help] DAE get sore skin when they're bloated?
/u/fiyacht524
Created: Sat May 26 14:23:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mct0s/dae_get_sore_skin_when_theyre_bloated/
---
So idk if this is my messed up head or if it's actually real, but does anyone else ever experience tenderness or soreness on the skin on their stomach when very bloated?
I've noticed recently whenever I binge or if I'm just generally very very bloated the skin on my tummy is sore to the touch.
Is it just me being crazy? Or do others get this too?
[Rant/Rave] My counselor mother went on a course about EDs
/u/Bookofkelis
Created: Sat May 26 14:14:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mcqow/my_counselor_mother_went_on_a_course_about_eds/
---
She's been telling me all these stats and facts about how long it takes for people to receive help for their EDs, and how hidden non restrictive EDs can be, completely oblivious to the fact that I'd purged literally 20 minutes before this conversation. I'm caught between being scared that her increased knowledge of eating disorders will led to me getting 'caught', and really wanting exactly that to happen... She keeps bringing it up because she's passionate about her job and sharing new things she's learned, and I have no way to make her stop without raising suspicions, pray 4 me
[Rant/Rave] Another intro with a side of self hatred
/u/biyaaatch
Created: Sat May 26 14:05:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mcooh/another_intro_with_a_side_of_self_hatred/
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I’ve lurked here forever, hi!! This is the only place I can post that will understand rn. This is gonna be long n dumb.
I’m 5’7 and was 120 lbs last summer. I was happy with my weight for the first time ever and it made my life so much better. A year later I’m back to getting stoned and binging almost every night and 20 lbs heavier. It affects me so much at work, with my boyfriend, even seeing my parents. I feel like everyone notices how much bigger I am. I started running 4 miles every day before work with my dogs about a year ago. I think that’s what makes me so hungry at night but I feel like I’m actually more addicted to exercise than to food. I’ve always worked out a little but had my diet under control...but now I love running so much and the thought of stopping or even cutting back gives me so much anxiety. But I don’t know what else is making me lose control so much and just stuff my face to fall asleep.
Ugh. is anyone else like addicted to working out even though it’s been proven that weight loss is like 80% diet? I’ve always had tendencies to binge and went through a long phase of purging. Working out and trying to be healthy is just feeding in to that and it sucks so much because a normal person would be able to handle this I feel like and I just sit here and feel sorry for myself.
[Other] Thank you costco! 5 cals per serving and super yummy :D
/u/shepanda
Created: Sat May 26 13:48:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mckxd/thank_you_costco_5_cals_per_serving_and_super/
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https://i.redd.it/q4zlxh2589011.jpg
[Discussion] Panic attack after touching a random fat lady
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Sat May 26 13:18:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mcdtm/panic_attack_after_touching_a_random_fat_lady/
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I feel awful, but I can't help it.
I work at a grocery store and was on my lunch break, walking out to my car when a lady stops and asks me if I would help lift her sister up out of her electric cart so she can get into the car.
I tried saying "oh, no, I don't want to hurt you... I'm probably not the best person....." but they begged me. It was hot out and nobody else was around. They showed me how to wrap my arm under hers and help lift on one side while the other lady lifted the other.
I'm sorry if this is offensive to any of you with higher bmis (I am currently in the overweight category so I don't have a lot of room to talk but this woman was maybe 400 lbs) but as soon as my hand touched the underside of her arm and felt nothing but soft squishy fat, it was all I could do to keep from dry heaving. As soon as she was on her feet and leaning against the car I just turned and walked away as fast as I could. I could feel my stomach turning and tears in my eyes and I felt like I couldnt catch my breath.
When I got to my car, I was literally crying and trying not to vomit as I frantically slathered hand sanitizer all the way from my fingertips to my shoulders. I feel like a disgusting human for reacting in this way, but I can't talk about this with anyone I know without looking like an asshole. Can anyone relate or am I truly the worst?
[Other] Body Fat %
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Sat May 26 13:09:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mcbno/body_fat/
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So I finally got my body fat scanned or whatever and I'm 16.8% body fat. I don't know if that's low or not and I don't know how to feel about it. I'm glad I know I guess?
Ate approx. 700 calories today and hate myself
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Sat May 26 12:46:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mc6fy/ate_approx_700_calories_today_and_hate_myself/
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If I had actually binged i would have at least had a respite from my anxiety in the post junk food glow.
Hyperkalemia warning
/u/crystaltartan
Created: Sat May 26 12:33:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mc3aj/hyperkalemia_warning/
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Y'all, especially if you're underweight, WATCH OUT for taking supplements that are the recommended dose for normal/overweight people. I've been fasting and took 2250 mg of potassium in the form of Morton's LoSalt, dissolved in low-sodium broth, and even though the daily recommended dose of potassium is 4700mg, I started exhibiting all the mild symptoms of hyperkalemia - excess potassium. Exhaustion, dizziness, tingling throughout my body. I was SCARED - too much potassium can lead to paralysis and heart failure.
I didn't have the serious symptoms of nausea, chest pains and irregular heart palpitations, so I found the one source of calcium in the house (...my boyfriend's gelato...) and had 1/4 cup, slowly. Calcium does bind to potassium, and the tingling stopped within an hour. It came back 12 hours later, so I finished the other 1/8 cup and it helped, again.
BE CAREFUL. Potassium is actually used in lethal injections. Especially if you have kidney issues or diabetes, innocently taking potassium to help with electrolytes, like I did, can be fatal. And GO TO THE ER IMMEDIATELY if you start feeling any of the serious symptoms.
For reference, my BMI is 17.11. Just like the FDA's 2000 calories/day do not apply to me cause I'd balloon, the daily levels of everything else apparently have to be adjusted as well. I don't know of a source that can give adjusted recommended levels, but I'm looking.
Stay safe, please. <3
[Rant/Rave] Is it just me or
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Sat May 26 11:57:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mbu8y/is_it_just_me_or/
---
is the shit you take after a binge more traumatizing than the weight gain 😂
Omg I hate everything.
/u/SinfulCinnamon
Created: Sat May 26 11:54:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mbtki/omg_i_hate_everything/
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I'm out of town at the moment. Not feeling too hot in general. Got dragged to a Mexican place and decided to get a Coke Zero and some beans/rice. Go to the soda machine. Get approximately 2 seconds worth of Coke Zero. And it's out. They don't have a refill for it. Literally my life 😐 don't even give me the food. I'm over it.
I lost control and now I'm obese.
/u/bbygrl_xo
Created: Sat May 26 11:19:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mbkys/i_lost_control_and_now_im_obese/
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Hey guys, this is my first post here and even though I'm overweight I lurk this sub and you guys are such a good community I hope this post is okay.
I'm 5'1 and have always had control over my food. My mom was always crazy about what I could eat / couldn't eat and would tell me I was fat everyday. She would restrict my food (no soda, chips, pasta) going as far as to hide it. Around 12 I started binging and then fasting for weeks. All the way until 17 I managed to stay within 90-108 lbs. Around 18 I just felt I lost all control and I couldn't stop binging. All the sudden I was at 117, then 130, 150. Two years ago I stepped on the scale and was 195. I broke down and knew I HAD to lose weight. I'm currently at 164 and my immediate goal is 150 but it's been 4 months since I hit 164 and I CAN'T FUCKING GET FURTHER DOWN. All I do is think of food. Whether I'm binging or restricting. ALL DAY. I can't enjoy anything anymore because I'm so consumed by thoughts of food and weight. Why can't I just fucking discipline myself anymore. I loom at myself and feel disgusting. I also have PCOS and fibro which doesn't help.
Thanks for letting me vent. :/
[Help] Skinny boyfriend problems...also on day 3 of fast please send encouragement
/u/_what_the_truck
Created: Sat May 26 10:28:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mb8zy/skinny_boyfriend_problemsalso_on_day_3_of_fast/
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My boyfriend is 6 foot 5 and 157 pounds, which puts him at a BMI of 19. He’s extremely thin but unfortunately for my disorder he doesn’t look gangly or awkward except maybe sometimes in pictures. His body is beautiful and muscular and broad which should be impossible for how thin he is.
This is sending my disorder into overdrive. I know intellectually that if I get a lot thinner I’ll look bad, with no butt and scary looking chest bones sticking out. But I want to be slender and muscular and beautiful like him.
Anyone else relate? How do you deal with this shit? He also doesn’t understand that I need to eat less than him and pushes me to eat a lot, and I can’t say no to him...hence why I’m fasting on a trip out of town to make up for it.
Also please send tips and encouragement, on day 3 of a water fast hoping I can make it to tomorrow night.
ANXIETY
/u/sninas24
Created: Sat May 26 10:26:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mb8my/anxiety/
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Hey, sorry for the long rant that is about to come, but I can't talk to anyone else about this and it's been sitting with me for way too long. I just got back from studying abroad and next week I'm leaving the country to do an internship where I'll be studying the impacts of malnutrition on growth stunting \(oh, the irony\). I was in quasi recovery before I left \(while faking true recovery to friends, family, doctors, etc. *not my best move*\), but I fell back into old habits while abroad. Not horrible habits, but I'm still having a lot of bad thoughts and playing into ED behaviors daily. ANYHOO a bunch of people didn't want me to take this internship so I could use the summer to focus on my mental health, but I convinced them that I was doing just fine. In reality, my depression and anxiety about food got a lot worse, but now I can't talk to literally anyone about it because they won't let me take advantage of this opportunity. Also, I feel like such a fake because I'm going to be working with communities that don't have enough food WHEN I CHOOSE TO DO THIS SHIT TO MYSELF. LIKE THAT'S FUCKED UP. I feel so guilty and shitty, but I just can't stop. My health has already been affected by this stupid shit I keep doing to myself, and I thought that would motivate me to get better, but my brain is so fucked that it's not enough. And now I'm nervous that these researchers, who study nutrition and the impacts of malnutrition, are going to easily pick up on my fucked up behaviors if I'm not careful. I don't know I just have a lot of negative thoughts right now. I almost lost my shit yesterday when my parents surprised me by deciding to take me out to my favorite restaurant for dinner after I spent literally all day doing nothing but thinking about food and trying to limit my calories. I had to act like it was totally fine, but after they went to bed, I went to work out. And this weekend I have a bunch of barbecues and social stuff that I'm trying to deal with. It just feels like too much. I can't focus on anything else.
Yeah. So, TLDR: I am slipping and feeling like a piece of shit for doing ED stuff, but also feeling like shit about my body and food in general and I can't talk to anyone about it. I don't know what the point of this is. I just had to get it out. I'm just so glad this subreddit exists.
I only love my bed and my ED, I'm sorry.
/u/AugustusMarius
Created: Sat May 26 10:21:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mb7c2/i_only_love_my_bed_and_my_ed_im_sorry/
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I just want to be the sort of person I've always wished I was. Someone with a high degree of self control. Someone viewed as having their life together. I know I don't have to be perfect in order to be seen as such, but I just \*know\* it would be easier if I was thinner. Does this make sense?
[Rant/Rave] I’m worst than I ever was before now I’m in this place I can’t run away from
/u/livingbreathinggirl
Created: Sat May 26 09:57:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mb1tq/im_worst_than_i_ever_was_before_now_im_in_this/
---
I always had a ED since I was a teen I purged fasted, and popped so many laxatives they were like candy to me. I had a schedule I worked around when to take them and when to not like clockwork.
Then my parents and friends found out. Then my family started watching my eating habits like crazy I started “recovering” and kind of ate and was like okay maybe I’ll try this out. I started eating everything I missed out on and then some. I ate for all those days I missed and all those days I starved my self.
Then I looked in the mirror and what do I see but a 200lb person staring back. I was on the verge of the other side effects of what being overweight and eating unhealthy does. How did I get this far?? How did this happen to me. It’s like I don’t know what healthy eating is. I go from one extreme to the other. I got back into my ways fasting laxatives and dropped from 200lbs to 130lbs fast.
Now I have stretch marks all over my legs, thighs, arms, everywhere. I am riddled with them dark areas because insulin problems. I know some people can bounce back from one weight to the other with smooth skin my body is not like that. They are not my tiger stripes they are a reminder of how I ruined my body. I am currently saving up for lower body & Tummy tuck. I don’t know what to do about my arms but maybe there is some surgery I can do.
I ruined myself and I don’t know what to do anymore. I hate this.
[Help] Smoothie in a hydroflask = best idea ever (& any more low calories smoothie recipes?)
/u/runwithellisxx
Created: Sat May 26 09:55:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mb1d1/smoothie_in_a_hydroflask_best_idea_ever_any_more/
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I’ve been big into smoothies for a while, but I was eating them in a bowl with a spoon and it felt like they were gone before I knew it. Then I found a Hydroflask that had an option for a lid and straw and was like “what the heck, I’ll give anything a try.” It’s kept smoothies cold for me for over 4 hours - like, still FROZEN. Amazing.
My go to recipe is 1 cup frozen strawberries, 1/2 of a frozen banana, 1.5 cups unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 1 packet of Splenda, and 7 ice cubes. It all comes out to about 24 oz of smoothie and 150 kcals and could last me a very long time in the hydroflask.
Anyone else have any go-to low calorie smoothie recipes?
[Rant/Rave] Failed Tinder Date
/u/zeneith
Created: Sat May 26 09:52:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mb0lq/failed_tinder_date/
---
Things didn't go so well today, so i'm not really feeling good. The guy kept using his phone and ditched me for his friend after.
All that ran through my head as I sat there feeling insignificant in front of him: Am i too unattractive for him?
Is the pudge on my tummy too obvious? Am i too fat? Too ugly? Just a blob of fat?
I thought I looked good when i left the house - makeup on, nice clothes and all. Guess I'm the one with too high expectations of myself.
[Help] Bad headaches
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Sat May 26 09:48:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mazoh/bad_headaches/
---
Everyday for two weeks I’ve been getting really bad headaches and I have a feeling it’s linked to not eating a lot, which I’ve been doing. I can’t keep taking over the counter meds to fix it. They just reappear the next day :(
DAE experience this or have any advice?
[Help] DAE feet swell? Please help!
/u/EDTW
Created: Sat May 26 09:31:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mavz3/dae_feet_swell_please_help/
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Hello! I’ve had problems with binge eating, laxative use, and purging for quite a while. Only recently have I discovered the joys of restriction (like, past couple months recently.) I have noticed lately that my feet are very swollen during the day. I eat a lot more during dinner, so I thought maybe I’m bloating because of lack of food during the day? Honestly I’m so clueless because my eating problems haven’t been THAT BAD until recently, I’m sort of new to all this. My swollen feet are hurting in my shoes and work and making me think that I’m gaining weight. Does anyone know what gives???
[Rant/Rave] "Idk what you're doing differently but you're looking really good"
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Sat May 26 09:26:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mauqc/idk_what_youre_doing_differently_but_youre/
---
"Oh just not eating a single thing unless you're around and then only eating half of that meal... but it's working? Oh thank god... "
strange purging thing
/u/bluemonksdream
Created: Sat May 26 09:21:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8matp2/strange_purging_thing/
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sometimes when I'm purging before I do it I pretend I'm giving someone a blowjob with my fingers. okay bye
[Discussion] DAE get frustrated because they're tall and hitting a low weight is harder
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Sat May 26 09:09:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8maqus/dae_get_frustrated_because_theyre_tall_and/
---
I get so frustrated because I want to weight like 80lbs or something but i'm a bit over 5'7 and i'm pretty sure that's physically impossible. If you're like 5 or 5'2 or something I just feel like you can weigh less. I always now try to focus on what I look like rather than the number, because I know the number can never go as low as other people.
IDK, I just feel like it's so hard to not compare myself to others, yet obviously someone who is 5'2 and me at 5'7, or another person at 5'11 can't have the same weight while looking the same way.... it's not just binary you know ? But it still frustrates me,
Arguing with MFP
/u/LeOssa
Created: Sat May 26 08:11:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mae3l/arguing_with_mfp/
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I have no idea why but sometimes I argue with this app like it's a petulant child. Today after weeks of the notification "you haven't logged your breakfast today!"
I blurted out "YES I did asshole, milk is a food!" Only to realize my children and husband were looking at me like I needed some men in white coats and a sedative.
Fun arguments with your apps, anyone?
[Rant/Rave] if you're in denial and you know it, clap your hands !!
/u/xxxrxrrv
Created: Sat May 26 08:02:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mac07/if_youre_in_denial_and_you_know_it_clap_your_hands/
---
i feel like i've been a little post-happy lately but this is the only space where i've ever openly expressed anything about my ed and y'all are wonderful so here goes another pointless post lol
i relapsed hard in february-ish after being 'recovered' for a long time. the intensity has varied, but big-picture i've been high restricting with an average around 1,000 cals/day (usually a couple hundred less, with one or two days a week that i go a couple hundred over, and of course the occasional random or social binge). i really only eat dinner, because i can get the satisfaction of a good meal and still have a significantly restricted intake for the day (at least according to normal people standards lol). i also exercise about an hour a day with a combination of resistance training and running.
i'm sure it goes without saying, but i'm addicted to the results - losing weight is like crack and i've become obsessed with the noticeable changes in my body. mentally/emotionally, i'm getting "happier" with the progress i see (thanks for that sweet dopamine, ed brain).
but fuck, lately i've been having such a hard time just *existing* physically. i constantly feel like i'm dying. i'm always so so tired and my body always hurts so bad; i can tell i'm foggy in the brain and unusually forgetful. i bump into things and drop stuff and am generally way clumsier than usual (which says a lot bc i'm an uncoordinated fuck lol) and i barely have enough energy for little daily things like walking up the stairs to my office or carrying my backpack.
(/s) there's *no way* it could be related, though, right ? (/s)
because i *do* eat every day, i average like 1,000 cals, i meticulously focus on getting enough protein and micronutrients (vitamins, minerals, etc), i'm majorly hydrated and otherwise take good care of myself.
> tl;dr i'm constantly tired, hazy and in pain lately, but because:
(a) i don't low-restrict
(b) i eat semi-regularly
(c) i still manage to work out
(d) i always feel better and borderline normal after eating
(e) i haven't hit my goal weight (which i recently lowered from my original gw of 110 when i hit it and still wasn't happy lmaooo ED WHO ?! SURELY NOT ME)
i feel *major* imposter syndrome and am in total denial that my restriction/ed behaviors are what's actually causing me to feel this way. like, maybe i just need to start drinking more coffee or figure out a new way to get better sleep or start doing yoga or something. i'm not thin or sick enough for this to be happening.
i'm not really looking for anything here, just venting i guess.
anyone else experience symptoms like this but feel like you don't deserve them (or don't deserve them yet) ??
i hope you're all doing well and having a lovely day <3 <3
The Truth Behind Calorie Labels
/u/cottonlung
Created: Sat May 26 08:00:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mabn4/the_truth_behind_calorie_labels/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hE2lna5Wxuo&feature=share
[Discussion] Does anyone else become completely obsessed with slim tv/movie characters or celebrities and want to look exactly like them?
/u/orthoreXXX
Created: Sat May 26 07:59:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mabfd/does_anyone_else_become_completely_obsessed_with/
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Ever since high school, I have been periodically obsessed with different celebrities and have tried to change my appearance drastically to look exactly like them.
Of course all of them are skinny as shit too so it really like added to my disorder, I would think “she definitely wouldn’t eat that”. At first for me it was Megan Fox, then Adriana Lima, then an anime character (?????) yadda yadda and now I’ve just finished Scream the tv series and I’m totally obsessed with Brooke/Carlson Young (she’s so skinny and mean I’m in love tbh) I’ve even cut my bangs already like a psycho
[Discussion] ♡
/u/cottonlung
Created: Sat May 26 07:59:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mabex/_/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hE2lna5Wxuo&feature=share
Stopping mid-binge
/u/honeydewlittle
Created: Sat May 26 07:58:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8mab5p/stopping_midbinge/
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Has anyone ever successfully done that? I've got such an all-or-nothing attitude that I've never (so far) been able to do that. But I *know* it's possible. And I think it could be a step to a tiny bit healthier attitude towards food.
So - has anyone ever done it? What did you think/feel/do that made you stop? How did you take care of yourself after stopping (coping mechanisms)?
xx
[Help] I’ve been taking ephedrine every day for almost two years now. How do I ween off without gaining?!?
/u/gettingagrip4
Created: Sat May 26 07:53:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8maa8x/ive_been_taking_ephedrine_every_day_for_almost/
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I gained weight and having a hard time accepting it..
/u/dakota2610
Created: Sat May 26 07:35:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ma6jw/i_gained_weight_and_having_a_hard_time_accepting/
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I measured myself a lot when I was anorexic. When I was at my smallest I was 32/23/36 now I am 35/26.5/40. I am having a hard time accepting it and I keep on seeing myself as fat. Anyone have a similar problem? I have just started eating again recently.
[Rant/Rave] Why is dog broth 1.4 cal/oz but human broth is 5??
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo
Created: Sat May 26 07:07:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ma16c/why_is_dog_broth_14_caloz_but_human_broth_is_5/
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https://i.imgur.com/fiu0Xbv.jpg
Little comic I just did before bed that I thought you guys would like
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone
Created: Sat May 26 06:34:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m9v96/little_comic_i_just_did_before_bed_that_i_thought/
---
https://i.imgur.com/kUn7a1V.jpg
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! May 26, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 26 06:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m9rdv/stupid_questions_saturday_may_26_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for May 26, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 26, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 26 06:10:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m9rc6/daily_food_diary_may_26_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 26, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
"Giving" someone an ED
/u/CoopTheDog
Created: Sat May 26 05:14:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m9i7x/giving_someone_an_ed/
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Hello! I've had an ED for alittle over ten years now and I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 years. Recently he has lost about 20 pounds, has no interest in food, and will purposefully not eat if he is super hungry because he says deciding what to eat is too stressful. He used to be a chef, and food is a huge deal in his family. He grew up cooking every meal and loving good food. His stress around food came out of nowhere. He is going to a doctor to rule out any medical problems, but I'm really worried that I've let my food issues fall on him. I've always tried not to be judgemental of how he eats. But if he makes food for me I ask him to weigh everything out and keep track of cals, and I definitely have made comments about the amount of butter, oil, and dairy he uses to cook with (which I now regret ever saying). Has anyone else experienced something similar? Can someone "catch" an ED?
(Mods: I only have access to mobile. Could you flair as discussion please?)
[Help] Help me friends (TW!!!!)
/u/SinfulCinnamon
Created: Sat May 26 04:46:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m9dvd/help_me_friends_tw/
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Sorry for the copy pasta... but I can't even rethink it.
I'm scared guys!!!!!! I'm shaking. I know I'm not alone. The thought of killing myself while around someone who I know can/will stop me is insane. Why would they let me?But no one is here. No one is here to stop me. It's all up to me. I keep choking on nothing. My throat is tensing up like how it does when you panic. Trying to save myself from the danger that I know is coming but hasn't happened yet.... Yet I'm calm. I know if I do it then it's real. Up until now it's been more of a game. Now I know it's a real option. I am ready for my suffering to be over.
[Rant/Rave] national level exam on monday but all i can think about is how fat i am
/u/shiraruru
Created: Sat May 26 04:05:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m97we/national_level_exam_on_monday_but_all_i_can_think/
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What's the weirdest thing your ED has made you believe?
/u/cocionut
Created: Sat May 26 04:03:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m97ml/whats_the_weirdest_thing_your_ed_has_made_you/
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Back in 2016, I went off on my dad for strategically placing bread around the house in order to make me gain weight
Also a medium apple is 120 calories!!
A medium banana is 200!!
If I eat a pint of ice cream every midnight and nothing else I'm being healthy!! Bc 1200 cals!!
I have a specific body type, where a BMI over 20 = morbid obesity
Everyone else complaining about their body has body dysmorphia. Mine's the only one that's actually gross!!!
One cup of vegan low fat ice cream is 600 calories!!
In order to prove I'm trans, I must diet for 100 days!!! If I'm TRULY trans, then I'll do it!!! And then I can come out!!!
People pouring oil in your food? More likely than you'd think!
People are STARING at me (bmi 18 at the time) because I'm so fat and don't deserve to eat!!!
The cashier is only nice to me because I've lost weight. ONLY!
My entire family and all my friends will literally abandon me if my bmi goes over 19
Share your craziness; )
The lengths you'll go to to keep yourself from eating
/u/LateAsparagus
Created: Sat May 26 03:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m91f5/the_lengths_youll_go_to_to_keep_yourself_from/
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I live in an apartment complex, and everyone has their own small storage unit down in the basement. Most people use theirs to store out of season clothes, big suitcases, tools et cetera but me? Mine's full of grains. Pasta, noodles, oats, even fucking flour because if I keep it in my apartment I'm bound to eventually go fucking crazy and make a mountain of pancakes or something. I can't keep oats or porridge rice or semolina in my apartment unless I want to make and eat a liter of porridge at 3 am. Whenever I've planned to eat a small amount of carby stuff, I go into the basement with a bowl and a food scale, looking around suspiciously because I'm worried my neighbours will see me. I keep the grains in a plastic container that should be secure, but if we ever get a rat problem in the basement, it'll probably be my fault.
Anyway, let me know your ridiculous food storing habits bc I want to feel less alone.
[Discussion] LGBT dating with an ED
/u/deathconscious
Created: Sat May 26 03:10:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m8zwy/lgbt_dating_with_an_ed/
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how do you not let your fucked up ed thoughts compare yourself to other girls ?? asking for a friend
in all seriousness though, it took me years of heteronormative behavior to realize i'm
not straight (and actually lean slightly more towards liking women) because i was suppressing it and now that i'm "Out" i have no gaydar at all let alone know how to stop comparing myself to them
[Rant/Rave] That mouse in my panties drawer really scared away my appetite
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Sat May 26 02:54:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m8xb4/that_mouse_in_my_panties_drawer_really_scared/
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Honestly I couldn't sleep, and I was already upset by my scale weigh in (113 pounds. Um. I ate 700 measured calories and took 10,000 steps how tf did I gain from 109)
Anyways I was about to eat something when I turned on the light and a MOUSE PEEKED OUT OF MY PANTIES DRAWER
I screamed, got up and now I'm sitting on the couch with all the lights on because I'm paranoid of a mouse biting me
At least it scared my appetite away...
[Discussion] DAE get triggered when they look at their old small clothing?
/u/ffffxiv
Created: Sat May 26 02:46:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m8w6y/dae_get_triggered_when_they_look_at_their_old/
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Background info on me: I grew up to be a very chubby kid like medically overweight and while it wasn’t devastating to my health, I did feel awful about myself (grew up in a strict asian household and asian beauty standards are somewhat harsher than european beauty standards imo). Anyway, I started binging and purging at ~10. Continued until age 15. Realized it wasn’t doing jack shit so I started restricting and purging via excessive exercise. I’m 5’0 tall and I went from 140 lbs to ~100 lbs in 3 months. I eventually lost 10 more lbs over the following 2 months.
It definitely took a toll on my body as I was naturally inclined to be overweight (a lot of my family members are also overweight despite being active and eating right). I wore really small clothing and eventually I was skinnier than most of my peers. It felt incredible and empowering while in retrospect, I still felt like shit. Anyways, at my peak weight, my skinny clothes started to disappear and I didn’t know why. I found it to be annoying, but I thought my grandma took them to bring back to my relatives (which I wouldn’t have minded had she asked me prior to doing so). She had done it before so I wouldn’t have been surprised if she did it again.
Anyways, I eventually gained back almost all of the weight, but I still thought about those clothes. What happened to them? Who is wearing them now? Well, last night, I came home from college and guess where they were? Right next to my bed. My room had been rearranged by my parents + grandma unbeknownst to me. I was shocked but someone glad to find them but also triggered because now I have to relapse. My weight has held me back from doing so many things. I miss being thin so much and I hate when ppl tell me to do it the healthy way. Like whats so satisfying about losing 40 lbs over a year when I could easily lose it in 3 months?
Idk this turned into some sorta rant but I’m like.. kind of sad to be home bc my parents are one of the causes of my ed and it’s so hard being around them without them mentioning my weight.
[Discussion] anyone else get really sleepy after eating?
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Sat May 26 01:45:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m8nah/anyone_else_get_really_sleepy_after_eating/
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I throw up everything I eat. I have for years. I'm very, very extreme in how much I binge and purge, and between those binges and purges, i usually don't eat anything, but on the rare occasion i do (more frequent lately, as i'm trying to put on a little weight so i won't scare people all summer) it knocks me the fuck out. Something as small as a cereal bar puts me in a fucking food coma.
Anyone else dealing with this/any tips for fighting it? it makes me feel 10x more guilty and gross, and it feeds this weird idea i have that starving makes my mind sharper.
It's a scourge.
Coping mechanisms that don’t involve food?
/u/fatass-
Created: Sat May 26 01:30:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m8kz6/coping_mechanisms_that_dont_involve_food/
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Hey,
I was wondering what you guys do when you feel really shitty.
I came home yesterday after an excruciatingly horrible day and felt like the only thing I could do to forget and make myself feel better was to eat lots of shitty food, but there have got to be better ways to cope than that??
What do you guys do when something horrible happened or you’re stressed or had a shitty day, except eating, to make yourself feel better?
Lots of love
[Rant/Rave] Sales lady told me I was tiny (rave)
/u/mu514
Created: Sat May 26 00:45:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m8e0m/sales_lady_told_me_i_was_tiny_rave/
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It was such a small thing, but today, walking in the mall, I stopped by a stall where a lady was selling jeans. She was helping me pick out a style, and since certain styles were out of certain sizes, to help the process, she asks me what size I am.
Keep in mind that it has been forever since I've last shopped for jeans, and the size I last remember being was 4. So in the spur of the moment, I say 4. Now, the lady frowns and looks at me then moves her jacket aside, says she's a size 4, and asks if I'm sure. I look at this slender lady, and I'm momentarily horrified that she might be implying that I must be bigger. Then, she goes on to tell me I'm tiny, pulls out the smallest size she has, and tells me it would fit best. It was a passing statement, but I felt so happy in that moment.
I buy the pants, try it on later in the mall bathroom. The pants are even just a little loose on me, but they're still flattering. I'm ecstatic. I can almost see how small I've gotten in the mirror, yet at the same time, I wonder how bad my body dysphoria has gotten. I'm not at my goal weight yet. I still look at myself and see chubbiness. I still feel the need for control. EDs are seriously a mental thing.
[Help] After a bad food day, what do you do to build yourself up to get back on track?
/u/rxBootySlayer
Created: Sat May 26 00:41:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m8deo/after_a_bad_food_day_what_do_you_do_to_build/
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I went over to my mom's, she already made me a plate of food. Felt guilty and didn't want to upset her by not eating her homemade food... I've been averaging about 500 Cal day and hit about 1300 today...
I want to know what you guys do when you have a slip up and get back to business as usual.
I really hate myself rn
drunk binges are the worst binges
/u/fairshine
Created: Sat May 26 00:09:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m88em/drunk_binges_are_the_worst_binges/
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i had a real real shit shift at work today, so i sat down at the bar after and had ONE vodka soda. i was just gonna have the one, a very safe ~60 cal and then i was gonna go. but then some guy bought me another one, and i felt bad saying no, so i had that one too.
and then i had 5 more. and then i went home and had an entire bag of frozen 3 cheese tortellini with Alfredo sauce and i don’t even wanna K N O W how many calories that was and now i feel like i’m dying and i’m still hungry :-/
i hate this
[Rant/Rave] I’m 27 years old. I know that I’m an adult, but spending 30 mins with people from high school reminds me that I am a worthless piece of shit. I already hate myself. Why do you need to remind me? Sorry for the rant - after the night I’ve had...you’re the only people I trust
/u/pineapples_17
Created: Fri May 25 23:25:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m81c8/im_27_years_old_i_know_that_im_an_adult_but/
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[Intro] They told me to stop but they also said they’d give me money if I lost weight.
/u/shellknob
Created: Fri May 25 23:15:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m7zki/they_told_me_to_stop_but_they_also_said_theyd/
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I was always the chubby kid. My mom and dad divorced early in my childhood and during my time with my dad he thought an 8-year-olds ideal meal was a Big Mac and fries. Food habits caught quickly and soon food was associated with happiness. I remember being in the 4th grade crying about how I was fat and how I wished I could be like the other girls.
Looking back now, I would honestly say I grew out of it and was honestly at a great size when I was 14, but I wouldn’t be here if I actually realized that. I soon discovered tumblrs eating disorder side and decided I wanted to be bulimic. For four years I would throw up almost every meal I ate. All I could ever think about was food and how badly I wanted it but also had guilty I felt to eat it. I was about to graduate high school when I finally came to a family member and told them my secret.
Turns out it wasn’t actually a secret and everyone knew. I was told “to cut that shit out”.
Four years later I wouldn’t say I’m not bulimic, but it doesn’t happen everyday but this shit is still happening. My relationship with food is still terrible and today was a tipping point. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been but I was so proud that it had been almost a month since my last binge. Then I receive a message from my grandmother telling me she’ll give my $100 if I lose 30lbs by Labor Day.
Now I’m back to meal replacement shakes and purging anything else. All they care about are the results, not how I get there.
I’m so sorry that this is written poorly. My thoughts are racing and I just discovered this subreddit. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone.
Health issues at normal BMI/light restriction?
/u/anhedonicandlaconic
Created: Fri May 25 22:34:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m7sr7/health_issues_at_normal_bmilight_restriction/
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Hello,
I'm 5'3" and 106 so bordering on underweight but at a healthy BMI for the moment. I'm eating 1200-1400 calories a day on average with very minimal exercise.
I'm also experiencing some pretty bad health issues at the moment. My blood pressure is shot and I get dizzy a lot. My heart rate is way too fucking fast and I have heart/chest pains. On top of that, I feel numbness especially in extremities and my legs randomly hurt a lot. I'm trying to get treatment and I'm being told that I need 3000+ calories because I'm in a severe nutritional deficit but it just doesn't make any sense? I've had an ED for 6 years now but I just don't feel like I'm at a place to warrant all of this shit my body's experiencing or needing to up calories that high for it to go away??
am i disproportionate/fat?
/u/facebook42
Created: Fri May 25 22:18:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m7pyo/am_i_disproportionatefat/
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please be brutally honest?
i'm 5'1 ish
and fluctuate between
105-115lbs
my pant size is 3
my bra size is a 32b
my measurements are
waist-26inches
hips-33inches
underbust-28inches
shoulders-36inches
largest part of thigh-20inches
around butt-35inches
i'm disagnosed bodydysmorphia but haven't gone to therapy in years and am relapsing
everyone says i'm small and petite but i find this untrue when i take pictures i look huge please help and be honest
[Intro] Hi, I’m new here.
/u/coffeeandselfhatred
Created: Fri May 25 22:06:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m7nrg/hi_im_new_here/
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Long time lurker, first time poster.
Long story short, I was overweight for most of my life. Parents forced tons of fad diets on me when I was younger. Liquid diets, cleanses, diet pills, you name it, I’ve done it. I got into fitness when I moved out of that abusive hell hole, educated myself, lost over 80 lbs, and...then became obsessed. Ended up in the hospital, diagnosed with anorexia around 4 years ago. I’m now ‘recovered’ and working in the fitness industry. I’ve been struggling with the whole being recovered thing for awhile, focusing on food intake and exercise is literally my job. I put on some healthy weight over the last couple of years, I have a ‘slim thick’ figure as my boyfriend calls it...some days I feel okay, some days I want my thin body back...
I’ve been restricting a lot the past two months and I’m dropping weight fairly quickly. I’ve been in denial for awhile I think, but I know my ED is back in full force. A lot of what I’m losing is muscle, I can tell. I’m forever torn between wanting to be fit and strong...or thin and frail....I’m not sure where I’m going with this, I just don’t have anyone I can really relate to or talk to about any of this.
Anyway, hello. I thought it was time for me to finally make a new account and post.
[Help] I'm crying
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Fri May 25 21:05:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m7byu/im_crying/
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Has anyone still lost weight even with bad eating while pms-ing? I'm about to start my period and I've binged sooo bad for 3 days. Is there still hope for me? Have I ruined my months work by these few days? I feel like ending it now. Why don't I have the willpower to not stuff my face???? It's that easy isn't it? What's wrong with me why am I so gross?
5'1 150/144 lbs who knows I don't own a scale. Constantly fluctuating.
[Rant/Rave] Balance scales adding 1kg? 😭
/u/peppermintreindeer
Created: Fri May 25 20:43:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m77w4/balance_scales_adding_1kg/
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Last week I went to see a dietitian for the first time bc ~recovery~ and of course, she weighed me. My scale at home told me I was 44kg that morning, and I know it’s accurate as it weighs 1kg bags of flour correctly etc. and the scale at my doctors measures me the same.
Anyway, I get on the balance scales in this office and it reads 45.5kg!!! I KNOW my clothes don’t weigh that much. The dietitian said that balance scales tend to add around a kilo??? How have I never heard of this before? Does that mean I was always actually a kilo heavier? Does that mean everyone is a kilo heavier?? Seriously could not focus on anything for hours after this situation 😭
Has anyone else experienced this?? I feel like everything is a lie omg 😩
Is anyone here obese/overweight BMI but struggle with restricting behaviors? [other]
/u/mynormalheart
Created: Fri May 25 19:59:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m6ypj/is_anyone_here_obeseoverweight_bmi_but_struggle/
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I struggle a lot with restricting. Binging too, but also restricting. It’s either all or nothing for me.
Yet I’m pretty chubby. Right now I’m about 20lbs from a healthy BMI. It seems so contradictory to people that I’m fat yet I restrict a lot. It’s weird too because when I restrict people constantly praise me for doing good and ‘getting healthy’
Idk it’s just weird for me and sometimes I feel really alone.
Well... I starved myself today... [TW - Restricting/Relapse]
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Fri May 25 19:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m6xak/well_i_starved_myself_today_tw_restrictingrelapse/
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I finally decided it was probably a good idea to eat something around like 8 PM so I decided to go to the local Subway for a sub, but I couldn't even make myself finish it... It's like I can't even fit anything solid in my stomach right now. I ended up taking it home and it's sitting on a plate next to me. Half a sub isn't going to give me nearly enough calories for today. All I seem to want is to drink pop. I've been doing so good lately and I thought maybe if I can make it just one month of eating like a normal person that perhaps I could finally be done with this problem, but I'm not even sure I made it a week. I felt like everybody was staring at me on the way to the Subway too. Maybe after a whole 24 hours of not eating I just looked as dead as I felt... It definitely wasn't a good kind of attention. It felt terrible... I think the worst part is how good it made me feel. That emptiness inside me, every time my stomach rumbled... I hate that I loved it so much. I'm so tired...
[Discussion] I feel like a failure because I suck at restricting.
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Fri May 25 19:10:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m6opj/i_feel_like_a_failure_because_i_suck_at/
---
I can’t go long restricting and I can’t stop b/p. Also my brain feels like it’s melting and I just don’t know what to do anymore.
[Rant/Rave] First 24 hours without a binge in 8 weeks, without chocolate in 6 years. Thx Vyvanse
/u/FitCelery3
Created: Fri May 25 18:56:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m6lnk/first_24_hours_without_a_binge_in_8_weeks_without/
---
A psychiatrist finally listened to me and believed me yesterday about my horrendous binge eating. I have been living in hell for the past two months after a trauma happened and haven't gone one day without binge eating chocolate. In fact, I haven't been able to leave a grocery store without buying chocolate for many years.
No one (not even my therapist) would believe me because I've been diagnosed as anorexic and haven't gotten above a BMI of 18 for about 7 years. The past year was the lowest weight yet, but then I had an event and completely lost my life to binging. I would lose entire days to it. And I was starting to lose hope.
Enter Vyvanse yesterday. Since then, I have not craved chocolate, gone to the store for chocolate, or binged. Although it has only been a day... an entire day seemed impossible to me until now.
Not only am I hopeful, but I'm certain that I'm on the path to recovery from my binge eating. I feel free. I won't be taking Vyvanse long term, but certainly long enough to rewire my brain and fix my habits.
If anyone on here has BED, I hope you can check Vyvanse out. I didn't think I could be helped. If I can, you can.
why can’t i stop EATING
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Fri May 25 18:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m6ler/why_cant_i_stop_eating/
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i hit a low weight this morning (105.8, starting to think the scale is broken and inaccurate) and i then came home from school and probably ate 1600 calories. i purged a bit of it, but i don’t know how many calories i actually got up. so i probably gained half a pound. at least a lot of it was fiber one bars :))
[Rant/Rave] Physics is triggering
/u/alexxxxis
Created: Fri May 25 18:31:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m6gie/physics_is_triggering/
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I’ve been feeling better lately. For the past few weeks I’ve actually felt kind of okay about my body and sometimes I even felt pretty. But then yesterday in physics class and we had to do a lab that involved weighing ourselves in front of basically everyone. I went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet for like 10 minuets freaking out. I couldn’t breath and felt so nauseous. I eventually went back to class and held myself together but I wanted to die. I hate this. I really thought I was getting better but this small thing destroyed any self esteem I had.
[Other] "Up to 50% max can be purged"
/u/duejeuyt2
Created: Fri May 25 18:28:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m6g20/up_to_50_max_can_be_purged/
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http://www.scienceofeds.org/2016/05/13/on-the-efficacy-of-self-induced-vomiting/
How to not hate yourself while still losing weight?
/u/supersecretobsession
Created: Fri May 25 18:28:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m6g09/how_to_not_hate_yourself_while_still_losing_weight/
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Does anyone have any tips? I feel like I just don’t feel like a human-being, like I don’t want to look nice, feel nice or be social when I have gained weight that I need to lose. I just feel like a worthless piece of trash.
Now, I wouldn’t mind this so much if it helped me fast, but I find that more often than not it does the opposite, as in, my brain goes ‘oh well, you’re already a fat piece of shit, another 3000 calories won’t change much’.
I just wish I could ignore this part of me and realise that if I can actually control myself, it won’t take me long to lose the weight that I’ve gained or even *gasp* reach my goal weight...
I realise this is something a lot of people on this sub probably experience, so does anyone have any tips on not wanting to kill yourself when you have gained a bit of weight?
[Rant/Rave] I Hate People
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Fri May 25 18:25:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m6f8n/i_hate_people/
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I work in a resturaunt. I am a hostess. There is this table of 4 younger people who keep snickering at me when i walk by. I LITERALLY just heard them say, "Wow, she looks like shes on heroin... so skinny..." Dont really know how to feel about that comment. Just hit a new GW today and was excited, until i heard that. But at the same time, i like looking sick. Im so fucked up, you guys.
What's your ride-or-die safe meal?
/u/AliceIThink
Created: Fri May 25 18:22:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m6et3/whats_your_rideordie_safe_meal/
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Let's compile a little ED recipe list. 🙃 Bonus points for answers other thank "diet coke" \(jokes, I love that shit\).
[Help] Bronkaid by itself?
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Fri May 25 18:12:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m6cjk/bronkaid_by_itself/
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Do any of you take bronkaid (ephedrine) by itself and no caffeine?
I want to suppress my appetite tonight without being up all night...
[Help] Anxiety - Girls Dinner tonight
/u/semperxvivum
Created: Fri May 25 17:35:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m64jc/anxiety_girls_dinner_tonight/
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Tonight, my girlfriend and I have been invited to a "Girl's Game Night" with her mom, her soon-to-be sister in law, and her mom's best friend and her whole family. The plan is PF Changs and games after.
I've grown to love these people to death, but they're nearly all obese and make very unhealthy choices. I'm going to have to figure out how to order the minimum calories I can while dodging likely probing questions about why I'm eating so little.
Her soon-to-be sister in law and I have a weird rivalry going on, and she may have heard that I'll be proposing to my girlfriend soon. Since she just got engaged to my girlfriend's brother a few months ago, there's going to be stupid competition.
Part of me is thrilled because I've lost a good 10lbs since I've seen her last, and I know wedding dress weight is on her mind. I get to be petty. They aren't the greatest people when it comes to my girlfriend.
Gotta go scout the menu and start counting.
Struggling
/u/IsraeliteBarbie
Created: Fri May 25 17:33:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m649o/struggling/
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Helloo
Luker here... I am having a really bad week and felt comfortable venting here. Very grateful for this sub. Thanks.
Been down on my luck lately and money is really really tight rn. I just had to spend a little bit of rent money to buy some apples lol. I feel immense guilt for not earning enough and being a failure at life. Guilt is fueling my disordered thoughts. I just want to wither away. I used to smoke cigarettes/weed heavily to cope and quit due to health, financial and religious reasons. I have a very self destructive mindset and not being able to smoke has me so fucked up. I've been fasting so much because its the only destructive thing I have left that won't displease God. That is such a fucked up thing to say but its how I feel. Nobody in my life knows about my ed and nobody is going to know. I have too much pride.
Fuck Chocolate.
/u/OmniscientOllie
Created: Fri May 25 17:11:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m5yzt/fuck_chocolate/
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Always ruining my day, could be sitting pretty at 1200 calories for the day, but then the craving hits and oops I've gone and eaten 4 chocolate bars for 1000 calories... guess I'll go fuck myself then.
Why do I do this to myself? Why couldn't the Aztecs just leave the cacao seeds in the damn trees?
If anybody here has any tips for fending off cravings for the food equivalent of crack cocaine they would be very much appreciated. :)
The calories I get to eat if I want to be successful. Hahaha.mp3
/u/Keysandcodes
Created: Fri May 25 17:10:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m5ysw/the_calories_i_get_to_eat_if_i_want_to_be/
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http://i.imgur.com/bEexKID.jpg
Has anyone tried a completely liquid diet?
/u/oxvd
Created: Fri May 25 16:52:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m5ul3/has_anyone_tried_a_completely_liquid_diet/
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If you have how did it go? I pretty much am on it right now with fruits and vegetables thrown in but now it's starting to get too tedious eating. I'll probably still have safe foods but only clear liquids will probably be how I do it.
[Discussion] What do you do when you feel hopeless?
/u/chipmunknutter
Created: Fri May 25 16:29:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m5p6p/what_do_you_do_when_you_feel_hopeless/
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This is probably a dumb question but I’m sure many here have felt this way. It’s not like I can poof and be gone but some nights I feel so incredibly hopeless that rage, hate, anger, fear just overwhelm me and I want to run off the planet.
[Rant/Rave] I just got dumped.
/u/cocacolonization
Created: Fri May 25 16:10:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m5kf3/i_just_got_dumped/
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I hit a new LW this morning. I got a break-up text from my (now ex) boyfriend this afternoon. And now, this evening, I’m crying while drinking out of a full bottle of wine and eating an entire cheesecake I baked for him yesterday. Awesome day.
Hamburglynn Reid
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Fri May 25 16:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m5j4e/hamburglynn_reid/
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Anyone else watch amberlynn reid to motivate yourself? I'd feel bad for her if she wasn't a manipulative liar but she's doing this to herself. I always get shit for using her to motivate myself which I don't get.
FOMO + ED
/u/skinnifat
Created: Fri May 25 15:56:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m5h7j/fomo_ed/
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How do y’all cope?????? This is my struggle 24/7.
[Rant/Rave] I need some support
/u/caookie
Created: Fri May 25 15:45:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m5ej4/i_need_some_support/
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This is my first post here, but I’ve commented a good bit. I have never shared this before, so it’s nice to have it out there. Sorry for the format and the grammar, I’m on mobile and honestly I’m a wreck right now.
I’m young, still technically a child and I live at home. My Dad brought me to the doctor when I was 73lbs, with a BMI of 12.9. He said it was just a check up for my bad knees, I should have known he was tricking me.
Since then I have been making weekly and biweekly visits to a treatment centre that is three hours away, where they monitor my weight. They ask me how I feel but I’m too scared to answer honestly. They don’t do anything for the mental health side of things.
I honestly tried really hard at first. I gained weight, even if it was a bit slowly. I cried myself to sleep most nights but I did it, until recently. It just got too much. I started trying to trick weigh ins and went back to counting calories. For the first time ever I lost weight between weigh ins. I have to go up there during my summer too now.
It’s too much for me. I broke down crying in there and they told me to be quiet, that it was my eating disorder talking and not me. I’m sick of being told that I don’t have a voice because I do! I know that I’m sick but I’m still human. I’m not an eating disorder, _I have_ an eating disorder. There’s a difference, right?
So for the first time, I’ve told my Dad that I’m not going back to the clinic. I’m not drinking my weight gain nutrition drinks. I’m done. My parents are mad at me but I’ve gone to bed now, I know that tomorrow is going to be hell, but it can’t be any worse than how I feel how.
I’m sorry, I know this is long and I’m young, naive and I’m stupid. I know that most of my problems are probably laughable compared to you guys’. But I just need some support to get me through tomorrow because I don’t know if I can do it alone. I’m in a really bad place right now and I don’t know what to do. Thank you all.
[Rant/Rave] I am in such a bad mood.
/u/crazylama13
Created: Fri May 25 15:28:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m5ab0/i_am_in_such_a_bad_mood/
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I ate so much banana bread yesterday so I woke up really bloated and then I ate it again today (it’s actually the only thing I ate today) and I feel so disgusting and prom is tomorrow and I know this sounds like stupid teenage shit but I really wanted to look pretty and I’ve been eating really well but I just caved. Sorry for this confusing run in sentence but holy shit I’m so upset and I don’t know what to do.
[Discussion] DAE have difficulty swallowing on a liquid fast?
/u/celestialmisstep
Created: Fri May 25 15:10:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m55y1/dae_have_difficulty_swallowing_on_a_liquid_fast/
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I've been on a liquid fast for the past couple of days, and I've begun to notice that usually as I'm finishing a bowl of broth my ability to swallow seems to just vanish. I'll have the broth in my mouth but actually trying to swallow just results in a big ol' NOPE from my throat. Anyone else had issues with this? I've never encountered this before on liquid fasts.
restricted then exercised so much i threw up bile
/u/oxvd
Created: Fri May 25 15:04:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m548h/restricted_then_exercised_so_much_i_threw_up_bile/
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I've had 2 cups of coffee today, with a tbsp creamer(20cals), no sugar, a diet coke, and 3 pieces of gum(5cals)
Then I went to the track near my house with my son in the stroller and ran 5 miles. After mile 2 i puked and threw up bile. holy shit did that hurt, but I feel so accomplished???
This is the first time I am posting on this sub, and the first time I've talked to anyone about my ED aside from my friend who also has an ED who i restrict/exercise with.
[Help] How do you distract yourself from being hungry?
/u/DelusionalCat
Created: Fri May 25 14:47:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m5028/how_do_you_distract_yourself_from_being_hungry/
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I usually browse and comment on Reddit endlessly, but I’m getting bored of that. I’m thinking about trying to color while listening to music, anything to make the time go by
[Help] Weigh tofu before or after draining?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Fri May 25 14:40:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m4yb0/weigh_tofu_before_or_after_draining/
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Been weighing it before to be safe, and probably will continue to do so regardless, but are the calories per gram written on the packaging for tofu typically pre or post pressing/draining?
[Discussion] Juice cleanse?
/u/AugustusMarius
Created: Fri May 25 14:22:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m4ttb/juice_cleanse/
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For me, so far, it's a socially acceptable way for me to transition from binge phase to restricting. I am somewhat repulsed to find that one day's worth of juice is 1,050 cal. However, it's definitely shrinking my stomach and it's fewer calories than I had previously been consuming. I just want to stop binging and stay stopped.
[Help] I offhandedly said I'm not especially interested in or passionate about anything and my therapist insisted there must be something that makes me happy. I ended up deflecting the question, but the honest answer is food.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Fri May 25 13:29:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m4gad/i_offhandedly_said_im_not_especially_interested/
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I've been on a steady downward spiral for a while now, and now there's nothing I enjoy other than binging. It's the only activity that lets me feel like I'm actually inhabiting a body and existing in the world rather than drifting around in a surreal haze. Everything else is an excruciatingly dull and irritating interlude that stands between me and gorging until I feel okay. I hate standing around listening to people laugh and have conversations and get invested in their lives, I hate dragging myself out of bed, I hate having to maintain a front of courtesy and normalcy when I don't feel anything other than frustration and sickness, I hate how pathetic and mundane everything is, and I hate myself, not just for my inability to be happy, but for everything. Throughout the day I periodically think that the moment I'm in is going to end, that at some point I'll be looking back at it and it won't feel real. It doesn't even feel real while I'm experiencing it. I have no idea why, but that thought never fails to give me this insurmountable feeling of exhaustion and dread. Maybe I'm not actually depressed, maybe I'm just seeing things as they actually are. Therapy isn't making a difference and I didn't really expect it to, but there's no other route to betterness I haven't taken. I'm more than willing to try antidepressants, but I'm still a minor and my father's a Big Pharma conspiracy theorist who thinks meditation, exercise, and some good old positive thinking can cure depression, so I'm fucked. Sometimes I imagine myself in whatever shitty college I'll probably attend because of my lack of motivation, completely alone and angry like I am now and scrounging around for a job I don't care about just to buy binge food and pay rent. I'm still young, but I routinely lurk on the depression subreddit and there's hundreds of people twice my age whose lives are as empty and miserable as the one I'll have. They probably heard the same stock phases about how it gets easier when the teenage years are over. Nothing improved for them, so who says it'll improve for me? I don't want to wait until I fuck things up so irrevocably that no one even bothers to lie I can claw myself out, but I don't know what else to do.
When you’re trying to escape a binge cycle so you just have 100 mini binges :)
/u/skinnifat
Created: Fri May 25 13:21:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m4e4h/when_youre_trying_to_escape_a_binge_cycle_so_you/
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https://i.redd.it/cd0hvob5y1011.jpg
[Help] I'm Scared to go to the Doctor...
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Fri May 25 13:14:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m4c6f/im_scared_to_go_to_the_doctor/
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Hey guys. So I have to go see my GP in early July. Shes also my OBGYN and because i am on birth control and psych meds, i have to go once a year for a check-up. I am very nervous because I have lost a lot of weight in the past year and i am underweight. Im afraid of my doctor saying something or trying to get me to go see a specialist or something. Btw, I am not interested in seeking treatment right now. I know i am sick, but i dont want help right now. For the record, i am 24 years old, so i am an adult. But i have been seeing the same doctor for years now and i havent ever weighed this little (5'2, 90lbs). Does anyone have any advice? ): I am freaking out a bit.
[Rant/Rave] Why I think body positivity is very hypocritical.
/u/drinkinshamepain
Created: Fri May 25 13:13:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m4c3p/why_i_think_body_positivity_is_very_hypocritical/
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This is by no means a post of hate, let me explain.
I hate it when i see people who are fat because it makes me sad. When i’ve been in my highest weight, 72 kg for 1.70, i feel so uncomfortable and clothes just don’t fit me right plus my health is awful and I have no energy.
When i see people who are actually obese i feel bad thinking about all the problems the must go through.
there’s this youtuber I follow on instagram because her make up is always on point but she’s a plus size girl, she talks a lot about body positivity but i think it’s kind of hypocritical?
Like i’m glad you feel good with the way you look but you’re obese, you must not feel good health wise because when I gain weight i feel terrible.
I don’t know i needed to get this out somewhere, i gained a couple kgs in the last weeks and i don’t feel well, my body really resents it and i can imagine being an actual obese person.
[Tip] Tips for barbecues?
/u/PM_ME_JABBERWOCKYS
Created: Fri May 25 13:03:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m49h0/tips_for_barbecues/
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Welp, it's summer season, and I think we all know what that means.
My family is throwing a barbecue tomorrow so I already (thankfully) know what is going to be served. However, how can I control myself in terms of portions and servings? Whenever I eat out, I usually eat up to 2,000 calories. I can't eat that much tomorrow because I feel like I'm doing so well and don't want to undo my progress :( (I haven't even been at strictly 1200 for each day this week, either. I've been eating under my TDEE but I know if I go over tomorrow I'll regret it.)
I was also invited to another barbecue next month and I'm lowkey stressing out about it. There's going to be so much food and I'm going to be around a lot of friends and ah 😶
[Goal] how did you pick your goal weight?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Fri May 25 12:59:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m48cd/how_did_you_pick_your_goal_weight/
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I have gone off supermodel stats but I am so indecisive about what my ugw should be. :\
[Discussion] Has anyone gone from obese to anorexic?
/u/DelusionalCat
Created: Fri May 25 12:49:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m45qc/has_anyone_gone_from_obese_to_anorexic/
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I’m just curious. I weigh 212 (I know, I’m huge) but I’ve been restricting calories (500-700) ever since I saw my childhood best friend lose a shit ton of weight. I just love the thrill of seeing the numbers go down on my scale.
[Other] This sub is starting to make me feel really uncomfortable?
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Fri May 25 12:48:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m45dn/this_sub_is_starting_to_make_me_feel_really/
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I can’t explain it, this sub is so triggering which is good sometimes when I am deep in my ed. But I guess on days where I’m not as consumed by it or I’m just in a better mood I feel just weird looking here. Like I don’t relate to the posts as much and it just feels wrong....
Obviously I should just delete the app or look at other subs but it is so habitual for me to browse here and somewhat comforting.
Don’t really know my point of posting this... I think I’m just feeling weird from caffeine and I started welbutrin today (although I don’t believe I would be feeling affects from it after only the first dose)
[Help] Ensure?
/u/bitpattern
Created: Fri May 25 12:44:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m44ef/ensure/
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I'm diagnosed anorexia & I used to binge a lot but I've recently become more and more "afraid" of food and no food really seems safe anymore. So I've just been drinking ensure. I know it's used to gain weight in treatment, but it's really the only thing I can stomach at the moment. I've completely lost my appetite and my will to eat. Food is just tasteless and I dont crave anything anymore. But I know I need to eat to be safe.
I know EXACTLY what's in the bottle and I know exactly how many calories, but I'm terrified of gaining weight. I only drink about 3-4 a day (235 cals each), will I gain weight? I'm really scared but I just cant stomach anything else.
23F, 5 foot 1, 95lbs.
Can you have an ED with normal goal weight?
/u/Jenny_Roberts
Created: Fri May 25 12:42:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m43vd/can_you_have_an_ed_with_normal_goal_weight/
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My goal weight is low end of normal for my height, and I don't want to be as skinny as humanly possible. I don't want to have teeny thighs or no boobs.
But I relate to almost everything on this Reddit, have struggled with BED and my cal intake has been between 200-1000 cals a day, and I've done several day fasts before (can't right now due to meds). It's on my mind 24/7.
I definitely have some disordered thinking about eating, but I feel like an imposter because I don't want my BMI to be underweight. Does anyone have any insight?
Thank you guys 😊
[Rant/Rave] Have you ever binged so hard you threw up (not on purpose)?
/u/Stay__Hungry
Created: Fri May 25 12:25:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m3zdm/have_you_ever_binged_so_hard_you_threw_up_not_on/
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Because I have.
Cool cool cool cool I hate myself.
[Rant/Rave] Fainted for the first time today
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Fri May 25 12:21:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m3y6o/fainted_for_the_first_time_today/
---
I binged over the weekend, like 1,500 to 2,000 calories a day because it was a long weekend. I drank beer and sugary drinks and bread and all kinds of unsafe foods. This week I got back to restricting, (still high) so on Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday I had about 700-800 calories/day. I don’t eat until 3:00 during the week. Today I felt SO sluggish at my morning job I could barely move my legs - walking felt impossible, I couldn’t lift my body up the stairs etc. By the time I got home from work I felt really off. I went to open my apartment door and I just fell forward. It was a really weird feeling. Like all the ability to keep myself awake and upright just drained out of me all at once. My roommate was sitting there and I was only out for a second and I convinced him it was because of the heat but he insisted I eat and made me drink a protein smoothie. Now I’m up to 500 calories for the day and I plan on going drinking later which is what I would have wanted to save those calories for.....so, fabulous. Can’t believe I passed out like that and don’t know why either. This sucks.
[Help] My best friend has bulimia
/u/alex____________
Created: Fri May 25 11:51:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m3q1j/my_best_friend_has_bulimia/
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So a few days ago, I was talking with my friends (A) and (C). Friend (A) revealed that also friend (A)'s best friend (B) has bulimia.
I know that (B) has had problems with depression and self-harm a while back, but I would've never guessed she has bulimia.
Now the thing is, (A) told me that I can't, under any circumstanses, tell (B) that I know about it, because she has told only two people about it ((A) and her other friend).
What should I do? I can't tell (B) I know about it. How can I help her?
Sorry for the bad text, I'm on mobile and bad at English
[Rant/Rave] I am not sure why. I wanna stay in my current weight for now and not opt for treatment
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Fri May 25 11:09:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m3eg8/i_am_not_sure_why_i_wanna_stay_in_my_current/
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i wish i have the desire and willingness to motivate myself for treatment, but my heart feels unreluctant.
I am unwilling to gain weight.. I don't know what to do. I thought to myself today "if this is going to kill me eventually, why not?" Because I would choose death over life. And I don't even understand why I went for doctors appointment today for diagnosis.. I am regretting it . I just hate being mentally ill
Sorry if my post doesn't make sense . Just trying to express my feelings
[Discussion] Eating uncooked kidney beans?
/u/handzies
Created: Fri May 25 11:09:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m3e85/eating_uncooked_kidney_beans/
---
*I HAVE NOT TRIED THIS AND IT IS MOST LIKELY NOT SAFE!! I WAS JUST RESEARCHING TOXINS!*
Now that thats out the way, It's supposed to make you make you fire out of both ends. "neausea, vomiting and diarreah 1 -3 hours after consumption. "
Why does litterally poisening myself sound really appealing? Why do I want to try this? All in one purge bean? I'm afraid to post this here because I feel like people will try it, but at the same time I want to know if anyone has done it.
[Help] Im freaking out and in desperate need of some help.
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Fri May 25 10:59:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m3bom/im_freaking_out_and_in_desperate_need_of_some_help/
---
I'm going to Elon Musk's brother restaurant in Indianapolis tomorrow, it's called Next Door and they have burgers, vegetarian burger and vegan burgers and a bunch of other stuff. My dads really looking forward to it so I'm not going to ruin it for him and back out. It's super new, actually it might be opening for the first time tomorrow so I can't find the nutritional value on any of the menu items. Any advice????
What if I am not prepared for treatment? Because I feel like I have given up on myself and on life and prefer my current weight.
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Fri May 25 10:51:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m39fz/what_if_i_am_not_prepared_for_treatment_because_i/
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and i dont wanna visit hospitals. and i hate them...
[Rant/Rave] What counts as a 'binge'
/u/raininginkyoto_
Created: Fri May 25 10:38:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m360h/what_counts_as_a_binge/
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I was planning on fasting for 2 days (yesterday+today) because my parents are visiting this weekend so obviously can't restrict as much, and I just got stupid and binged on tomato purée of all things.
Thing is I know it was about 200 cals at most, but I still feel disgusting and fat even though I know I can't physically gain on that many calories. It seems like anytime i go over any goal i set even slightly it feels like a binge even if it ends up being <500 cals.
Basically I just want either rock solid willpower, or for my stupid brain to shut up and stop trying to convince me that I'm going to gain on 200 calories. (rant over lol)
[Discussion] Binge Eating help
/u/Dingletringle2
Created: Fri May 25 10:32:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m34dq/binge_eating_help/
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Has anyone had any success with intermittent fasting as a binge eating cure. I think I'm gonna try 23:1 IF.
Why Unhealthy Food Is Cheap and Plentiful
/u/t3r3r3
Created: Fri May 25 10:32:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m346a/why_unhealthy_food_is_cheap_and_plentiful/
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https://www.aier.org/article/why-unhealthy-food-cheap-and-plentiful
I'd like to share, I hope that's cool.
/u/RaineRios
Created: Fri May 25 10:18:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m30dd/id_like_to_share_i_hope_thats_cool/
---
Hey all. So I've been a lurker here and on other similar social media platforms for years. I'll get to the point. I don't know if I have an ED. But here's what I do know: I've taken a lot of comfort from various ED forums for years. I find them incredibly relatable. I was even semi-active on one despite my social anxiety. I've never known if I really belong, so I don't speak much.
I've seen a lot of positivity and understanding in this community. And so, wanting to be more active, I decided to share some thoughts I found myself journaling. I'm not asking anyone anything, I just wanted to share, and see how it felt.
The journal entry: I did not do myself any dietary favors yesterday. I bought a bunch of produce, came home, and put off eating until I was too hungry to care what I ate.
Some of this included a breakfast burrito, sodas, bologna sandwich, Doritos sandwich, a burger, and I'm sure more crap made it's way into my mouth that I don't remember.
I kind of want to be more active in the ED community, but I get that "you don't belong" mentality. I'm overweight, I've never been under. No diagnosis of course, since I haven't set myself up with a therapist.
But I go into bad food cycles. I can remember being interested in becoming vegetarian since I was pretty young. I was raised to eat big portions, always as much as I wanted. I'll revel in the bad things, cook with bacon fat and butter and fatty meats and salts. Fry the burrito. Extra sauce! Extra cheese!
Then I get in these "healthy" patterns. I am knowledgeable about what's in food and proper nutrition, and when I decide to apply it I get an all or nothing perspective. I can't just cut back on crap or cut out soda. I go into full calorie counting and tracking all my dietary data etc. I restrict, eat raw and vegan, it becomes all consuming for months at a time. Feeling hungry is comforting. I spend a long time in the grocery store, making sure I make the right choice for every little thing that goes into the cart. Food is my hobby. My thoughts, my work, all the things.
What even is hungry? It feels like a lie. If I'm hungry and I wait for it to pass, once it does fear sets in. I think "see? You weren't even hungry to begin with. Imagine how much you would have eaten if you gave into that hunger. Was it real? Will the next one be? Should I always try to wait it out?" Etc. A meal doesn't feel like a success if it exceeds 300-350cals.
I guess I don't really get into bad food patterns. I'm always in one, they just switch off and take turns with me. End entry.
Thanks for letting me share everyone. I don't expect anyone to answer anything for me, I know that you're not doctors and this is only a small piece of my picture.
[Discussion] DAE have friends with ED's ? Do you talk about it with them?
/u/verypetitbourgeois
Created: Fri May 25 10:04:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m2wjm/dae_have_friends_with_eds_do_you_talk_about_it/
---
I "suspect" (aka im pretty sure) 2 people from my friends group have an ED. It's like when you're LGBT, your "gaydar" is real (as opposed to straight's people "gaydar" often being just stereotypes).
One of them is a friend whose ED is pretty much a "well known secret". No one talks about it but I'm sure I'm not the only one who knows. He constantly complains about his body despite being BMI 19. He doesnt even hide the fact that he makes himself throw up (sometimes his bestfriend even helps him if he's drunk... but we're not talking "dead ass drunk, needs to throw up for their safety", we're talking "slightly tipsy but i want place for more alcohol calories"). He's a proeminent figure in the gay male fashion world of my city so it's viewed as normal by a lot of people. He makes jokes about weight loss all the time...
There's also this other girl that I quite frankly avoid because she is so triggering. She is so beauty-obssessed that she outright told me that "attractive people are more kind and intelligent than ugly people, it's all related". She will dead-ass only like or be friends with attractive people. She says it comes from the fact that she was an ugly duckling as a kid... but I saw photos and that's not true. She was just a normal kid! Not as stunningly beautiful breath-taking as she looks today but she was pretty! She will send me pictures of her with fries in her bed but she never never never eats in front of other people (we were on a sleepover once, she didnt eat ANYTHING the whole 48h), she only drinks unsweetened aloe juice in public, never alcohol. When people mention her weight loss that keeps happening (she's like BMI 17), she just shyly smiles and says "yea...I shrunk". She's always staring at herself in mirrors and sucking in her cheeks. When she wears heavy make-up, it's always contour that makes her appear even more underweight.
I never talked about it with them. I'm very secretive about my ED, I think no one knows in my friends group. With the girl, I'm pretty sure she doesnt suspect anything. The guy, though... I don't think he suspects anything specific about me but sometimes I give him a look in certain situations and I feel like he can see I understand ?
Is it possible to be hypnotized to not think about food all the time?
/u/wishfulthinkings
Created: Fri May 25 09:38:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m2pb0/is_it_possible_to_be_hypnotized_to_not_think/
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What the title says...
I'm about to binge... [TW: junk food reference]
/u/Egleriel
Created: Fri May 25 09:36:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m2onz/im_about_to_binge_tw_junk_food_reference/
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I took a bunch of laxatives last night in preparation for today since I'm supposed to be meeting my boyfriend. Now it occurs to me he probably doesn't actually want me to come....
He's told me "dont come if you dont want to i know its a far drive" over three times and each time Ive told him i want to see him. I could understand once possibly being him trying to make me feel better if i didnt actually want to go. But saying it three times means he probably doesnt want me there and is too scares of hurting my feeling to just tell me outright.
This makes me want to fucking binge like a demon...
All I can think about is Wendy's loaded fries, panda express chow mein and orange chicken, BBQ bacon burger from mcdonalds, Moes burrito and queso dip.... I'm an emotional wreck but why in gods green earth is my brain trying to fix it with food?
[Help] period question
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Fri May 25 08:38:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m28pj/period_question/
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does anyone else feel like their body is ovulating/pms'ing but you never actually get your period? like i'll experience water retention, cramps and mood swings but i haven't gotten my period in months. its weird.
[Rant/Rave] Trying so, so hard not to binge
/u/jholtz27
Created: Fri May 25 08:14:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m22le/trying_so_so_hard_not_to_binge/
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You guys, my throat is fucked up.
Its been killing me for days, and I know my constant purging is the culprit. I cant go to the doctor lest I be outed, So I absolutely cannot let myself purge no matter what until its better.
But resisting the urge to binge is so hard, even when I’m eating a “normal” amount of food. I woke up at 5AM ravenous and ate 2 pieces of bread. That’s an addition 240 calories on top of my food for the rest of the day, and I can’t decide if I should count it or not. :( i wanna get better, but this is giving me so much anxiety.
[Other] Finally underweight? But it doesn't feel real?
/u/madeinny88
Created: Fri May 25 07:48:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m1vs5/finally_underweight_but_it_doesnt_feel_real/
---
I got to be officially underweight by eating 1200 a day. I didn't even think it was possible...but yesterday I was 121 and today I was 120. I'm proud of myself because I know I worked hard for this... I've been obsessively tracking every calorie I put into my body ( except for cream in my coffee, I know it's not very ED like but I never counted the calories that came from coffee/cream or sugar free gum/mints.) but still, I got here! When I've had days where I go way over my calories and eat 2400 instead of 1200, I just ate 1000 for the next few days and it all somehow evened out. There's been days where I seriously wanted to purge after eating too much but I'm glad I didn't. I just go for a 3 mile run 6-7 days out of the week and I think that raises my tdee so I can eat more and not worry about it too much. I don't want to get too comfortable because I know if I relax about my eating at all I'll just be back up to 130 in no time... not that that would be such a bad thing, but, you know, ED.
I’m too fat to break up with my boyfriend
/u/trytostay
Created: Fri May 25 07:24:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m1py4/im_too_fat_to_break_up_with_my_boyfriend/
---
I’ve been dating this guy for two years. We’re currently in a fight.
He’s threatening to call the family I nanny for and get me fired. He’s threatening to send all my friends screenshots of me talking about them. He’s telling me he’s going to sneak into my apartment and kill himself in front of me. That he’s going to plant drugs in my apartment and call my landlord. All of this shit because I told him I was tired of him not having a job.
The catch? I can’t break up with him! I’m too fat. I’d have no one. I have no friends or family in this city anymore since they all moved away. I couldn’t go on dates because I’m too fat so I’d have no hopes of meeting someone else or making new friends. I’m stuck. I’m 22, fat, ugly, and stuck.
Maybe if I starve myself for the next two months I could finally break up with him. :(
I don't really have anyone else to tell about this...
/u/EmpireStateBitch
Created: Fri May 25 07:16:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m1o19/i_dont_really_have_anyone_else_to_tell_about_this/
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But after joking about it so much, it finally happened. I got a tapeworm. While I lost weight, lost my appetite and pooped a ton, the cramps were painful and I had a nasty fever. So I guess I rate the tapeworm diet a 5/10
[Rant/Rave] Quitting pot and alcohol
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Fri May 25 07:12:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m1n1l/quitting_pot_and_alcohol/
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I used to be a big binge drinker and pot head up until about a month ago. Out of the blue I quit cold turkey and I've been feeling great, more like myself. Also my anxiety has decreased tenfold, including my social anxiety which is amazing because it used to be a huge struggle for me.
Anddd restricting/weight loss has become so much easier. I no longer have to worry about the munchies which is honestly such a relief and all those extra calories from alcohol. I used to have massive junk food b/p sessions when stoned/drunk but I haven't had one since I quit. Yeah my restriction has gotten more severe but I prefer that hell over binge purge hell any day. So yeah. Just thought I'd share a lil personal victory. \<3
Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! May 25, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 25 06:12:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m19d2/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_may_25/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for May 25, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 25, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 25 06:12:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m19cg/daily_food_diary_may_25_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 25, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] HELP! Potluck at work and girls weekend
/u/quipknit
Created: Fri May 25 05:33:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m11gd/help_potluck_at_work_and_girls_weekend/
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We have a potluck at work today. And I’m known as a super social person. And I sit so close to the break room where we have our potlucks, that I know I’ll overhear people having fun and chatting. And also, why not participate in 1-1.5hours of not actually working at work? I could purge, but I just try to fast at work because who wants a coworker walking into the restroom to the sound of your retching into a toilet?
I’ve been fasting the last couple days. I finally hit under 190 in a previous post. But I actually ate dinner last night and didn’t get to purge because I was around loved ones the entire time. So a prolonged trip to the bathroom immediately after eating would have set off red flags.
And I have a girls weekend starting tonight. Friends and I are getting together. And I honestly just want to crawl into a hole and hide because it’ll be alcohol and food. And the only thing I’m comfortable having right now is enough ginger ale that I don’t feel nauseous.
Also because one of my friends is basically body goals and barely has an ounce of fat. And I’m sure she’s going to say something about how she feels so fat or something.
What % macros do you guys aim for?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Fri May 25 05:08:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m0wly/what_macros_do_you_guys_aim_for/
---
After losing 32lbs pretty quickly, I've plateaued for the last 2 weeks until this morning, when I finally dropped from 153 to 152 (BMI 20.6, really tall lmao), and I'm hoping to be out of the 150s in the next week and a bit. Realised the main difference wasn't in how many calories I ate yesterday (been restricting low anyways), but rather that yesterday 62% of my calories came from protein. I was also a lot less hungry because of it.
It might be coincidental timing, and I might be whooshing atm regardless of macros, but it's definitely made me consider trying to hit 50% protein per day rather than MFP's recommended 20%.
Does anyone else aim for specific % macros and why?
[Other] Stopped a binge in its tracks
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Fri May 25 05:01:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m0v2w/stopped_a_binge_in_its_tracks/
---
Woke up at 12:30 am, and remembered we had halo top and Len & Larry’s cookies in the freezer. Got up and made an ice cream sandwich with a cookie and a pint of ice cream. Went to look for more food & leave the house to buy a couple dozen donuts, but just...didn’t want to. I was too aware of how shitty I’d feel about myself in the morning if I b/p’ed tonight. So I made some coffee and put the sugar and calories to good use: **homework.**
So freaking proud of myself. Probably put myself back in terms of my weight loss goals, bit but it’s a WHOLE lot better than spending the night purging a bunch of donuts. 🙌🏼 #win
[Other] 14 years old. 7 with ED.
/u/lilqueenheartz
Created: Fri May 25 04:58:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m0ukj/14_years_old_7_with_ed/
---
Today I turn 14 and that means half of my life was dedicated to my ED idk how to feel about that.😕😕
[Other] Lunch.
/u/4wkw4rd_f33lz
Created: Fri May 25 03:00:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m0aox/lunch/
---
https://i.redd.it/ux7n75nnvyz01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I know a couple other peeps here have tried it, but i just found out how you can practically DOUBLE your fasting time!!!! (˶◕‿◕˶✿)
/u/tacodago
Created: Fri May 25 02:35:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m06ta/i_know_a_couple_other_peeps_here_have_tried_it/
---
Supplies;
-one boyfriend
-a stupid argument
- escalation
Super simple!!! Let your boyfriend control you for 6 months, then decide to hang with the friends you haven't seen cause he convinced you to move 5 hours away from everything you know, then, when you go against his ~commands~ he'll threaten to pack your shit in the house you pay for!!!
*personal tips* so this worked for me, SUPER WELL, but I also let the problem escalate to a point where I'm broke, he's moving out tomorrow and rents due in a weeeek!!!!!
Stay tuned for these gains boiezzz 🙃🙃🙃
(Satire)
FML
The joy of watching others eat
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Fri May 25 02:20:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8m04q4/the_joy_of_watching_others_eat/
---
Just had a flashback to when i was heavily restricting. I would constantly ask my mother if she wanted to eat so i could make her oatmeal and then get mad when she wouldn't eat it fast enough because it was too hot. EDs are crazy :')
Restricting & having trouble focusing/studying?
/u/shes_toast
Created: Fri May 25 01:28:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lzwxc/restricting_having_trouble_focusingstudying/
---
I just recently started restricting again, and I'm having trouble focusing on my finals. (For context, this is my first semester back at college full time.) I get kind of foggy, woozy, and can't stop thinking about food—although that's not necessarily abnormal, lol. I'm gonna pick up some ephedrine tomorrow and start ECA stacks for the first time ever and I'm hoping it'll help me focus a bit. Does anybody have any tips for this?? Is there anything that's helped you stay focused when restricting or is this just something my body and brain has to adjust to?
tl;dr do you have trouble focusing when you're restricting? What helps?
[Other] I honestly thought this was posted here not on 1200isplenty
/u/tinypotheadprincess
Created: Fri May 25 01:10:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lztzp/i_honestly_thought_this_was_posted_here_not_on/
---
https://i.redd.it/dqn0x1x2cyz01.jpg
ECA stack causing sharp pain
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Fri May 25 00:43:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lzpct/eca_stack_causing_sharp_pain/
---
I’ve been feeling sharp pain inside my chest where my heart is and it’s the third day. I get sharp pain in my left arm and now in my throat close to my jaw. Has anyone felt this before?
Drunkorexics sound off
/u/zomb1e-dust
Created: Fri May 25 00:27:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lzmpa/drunkorexics_sound_off/
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I drink because of the anxiety. It's the only thing that shuts it off. I seriously hope I am somehow able to finally see a pdoc. The waiting lists are far too long. :(
Why do you drink?
I don't know how to feel
/u/binkybarnes6969420
Created: Thu May 24 23:58:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lzhjp/i_dont_know_how_to_feel/
---
Wall of text incoming. I don't care if anyone reads this, I just need to get it out somewhere.
There are a few people in my life who know about my issues with eating, and my debate coach is one of them. I told him at the beginning of this semester after I had been put in an institution for suicidal ideation\(as well as being treated for disordered eating behavior\). I missed several weeks of school and practices, so I didn't lie to him about where i'd been like I did to everyone else who asked. He is my favorite teacher, and I trust him because he actually cares about me. After I told him where I had been, he offered me to talk with him any time.
Initially, he only knew about me having depression, but he mentioned that his girlfriend who was also treated for depression struggled with anorexia and bulimia, so after he said that it all kinda came spilling out. I find talking with him to be very helpful; He's made me think differently about the way I treat myself and psychology in general.
Meanwhile, I've been relapsing. Before I was put in the hospital, I had climbed up to my highest weight ever, 135.0 pounds. I was in the worst place I had ever been in my life. I had purged successfully for the first time, as well as attempted suicide. Since then, with the help of restriction and getting off of Abilify, I am now down to 113.5 pounds\(I feel better mentally but just as fat, of course\).
Recently, my coaches girlfriend offered to come and meet me to talk about eating disorders, and I said yes. I was looking forward to it because I just feel so alone, and just to have someone who understands what it's like is wonderful. We met for the first time yesterday after school, and although it was a little awkward at first, we got to talk about so much. It felt like I finally had someone I related to, who understood everything I said, cause she's been there. She was seriously like a mirror image of me in 10 years\(i'm 16, she's 26\). She told me to never blame myself for how I am. Whether or not I can convince myself of this, I don't know. I digress.
There is only one problem; Talking with her was MASSIVELY triggering. Somewhere I mentioned only being able to eat 686 calories the previous day, and she said that I was doing better than she was, because she ate less than that a day at other points in her life. I know her words were meant to be encouraging, but the 'I need to be sicker' part of me just took over and I freaked out. The illogical part of my brain tells me that i'm not skinny enough to have any issues with eating besides overeating; let alone to entertain the thought of me having an actual eating disorder. The fact that she is better than me affirmed it.
I know i'm ridiculous but all I can think is 'no you fat fuck you're a joke there is no way you will ever be good enough this is the only thing you're good at and you're not even good at it. She got down to 92 pounds and she's way taller than you. You've been doing this for 4 years but you're too fucking disgusting and lazy AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT"
As soon as I left I went to the PX and bought a scale\(my mother won't allow me to have one in the house\), went to the bathroom, and opened it so I could shove it in my bag without my dad noticing. It was then that I found out I had lost 4.1 pounds. I'm gratified I guess, but I feel so conflicted. Can I just not handle something that would help me? I'm not ready to recover, not until my BMI is below 17.5.
[Discussion] What are your go-to, must have foods/drinks in your ED pantry?
/u/pointypoke
Created: Thu May 24 23:24:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lzbp7/what_are_your_goto_must_have_foodsdrinks_in_your/
---
[Discussion] Why do you really want to lose weight? And what are some other things you are aiming for?
/u/kein0815
Created: Thu May 24 23:18:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lzakp/why_do_you_really_want_to_lose_weight_and_what/
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What is/are your biggest motivation(s) begins losing weight?
For me it’s definitely to look like I’m actually sporty. I love sports - I go running everyday, do body weight training at home, have dance classes etc. But I do not look like it. I want to be able to say “I love sports” and people answering “yeah I can see that”.
And what are some other things you are aiming for - apart from weight loss?
I want to be less addicted to sugar. And I want to be able to not binge as soon as I consume the tiniest bit of junk food.
[Intro] Hey Ya'll
/u/Bubbles_and_Troubles
Created: Thu May 24 22:58:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lz6wn/hey_yall/
---
Hi! I'm new here. In the sense of I've been lurking here and finally made a new account so I can post and talk without it being associated with my main account :P
I've been struggling with anorexia since late middle school/high school. I'm 21 now and still doin' the same nonsense I was then.
It's nice to meet ya'll.
[Rant/Rave] My doctor wants me to go back to my normal weight, which I am unwilling to.
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Thu May 24 22:45:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lz4iu/my_doctor_wants_me_to_go_back_to_my_normal_weight/
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I went to the eating disorder specialist today. She said I have anorexia. She wants me to get back to my normal weight and she wants me to eat. I have depression previously and have been taking medicine. Have been having overwhelming emotions lately. Because of it, I requested for her to increase my medicine dose, she refused. She said there will be side effects and it is even going to affect my body in a very negative way. She requested for me to eat more so that my emotions will be less overwhelming. I also have bad insomnia for one week until now. Before that, I took diaprezam (?) for few weeks and got tolerated and was unable to sleep. I requested for her to increase the dosage too but she refused. She said in order to treat my overwhelming emotions and insomia, i have to start eating.
She said it is impossible for me to maintain my current weight and wants me to get back to normal weight. which i am unwilling. She said if I go downhill, my organs might start to fail. But it is so hard to be convinced me to get back to normal weight. i feel bad and fat at normal weight, so how am i supposed to be a normal weight.. i really hate this. i rather be slim and beautiful while maintaining my eating habits. i feel i can survive life through my current eating habits, but she disagrees with me.. i am just regretting, i probably shouldnt have gone to the doctor, i should have kept quiet about it.
Lunch.
/u/MilknBones
Created: Thu May 24 22:15:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lyymq/lunch/
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https://i.redd.it/te29o4krgxz01.jpg
[Discussion] Restricting and Insomnia
/u/its_freaking_bats
Created: Thu May 24 21:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lyssm/restricting_and_insomnia/
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Does anyone else experience terrible insomnia while restricting? I started about a month ago and haven’t had a good night’s sleep since. I was taking gravol to make me drowsy but I hate being dependent on pills! It’s the worst too because all I want is to sleep so I can stop thinking about food for a while.
Failure ...
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Thu May 24 21:41:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lyrf9/failure/
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I crashed after three days of keto. It wasn't healthy for me. I didn't get to eat before this huge hike which normally is fine (with carbs) but after donating blood & not sleeping; I got the worst hangry. Afterwards I had a huge blowout with my mom (failed classes for the millionth time, she invade private space) & I cried & just crashed. & said fuck feeling like this. At least if I am a failure I want to be eating carbs failure
...
& mentality I'm in a better spot& have energy to move but still dizzy tbh . But fuck , my stomach was flat and now I have a huge gut. I know I'm not over my calories & I worked out extra... wtf... gonna be a fat failure for my birthday on if this keeps up :*(
(On mobile, sorry for the rant, just wish i could have stuck it out.)
How do you counteract insults?
/u/ohnoimsadagain
Created: Thu May 24 21:34:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lyq2o/how_do_you_counteract_insults/
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My supposed to be BEST friend today gave me the “compliment” of saying “I wish my legs were as big as yours. I love big thighs”. I haven’t been able to stop crying. I’ve lost 10 pounds in the last 6 days. I’ve had an eating disorder since the age of 12 (I’m 21 now) and I still can’t handle comments like this. How can I feel better? What do y’all do to lift your spirits after being crushed like that?
[Goal] Falling back in. I have to weigh 125 by early January of 2019.
/u/hypothermi_a
Created: Thu May 24 21:20:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lymzs/falling_back_in_i_have_to_weigh_125_by_early/
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I’ve been nearly two months without a care in the world. Now I have a deadline I need to meet. I have until January to look good, I’ve lost 40 pounds already and somehow managed to maintain that same weight for almost two months, but I’ve been eating like a pig.
Tomorrow, I’m starting back on exercising/restricting, and I’m honestly excited. I have some diets set up (and by diets I mean hardcore restrictive ones.)
I’ll be starting with some exercise tomorrow/cutting out soda/shrinking my stomach. I’ll eat just a little tomorrow, hell I might even fast so I can shrink my stomach. It’s good to be back, I hate being so fat.
[Discussion] Does anyone else buy food, then don't eat it?
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Thu May 24 20:58:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lyibl/does_anyone_else_buy_food_then_dont_eat_it/
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I love to buy things like pizzas, Chinese food, ribs...I love planning out grocery store trips. I made some chicken broccoli penne alfredo, made it look so good then didn't eat it
This Saturday we're having a BBQ with friends and I'm not going to eat anything. Why do I waste money? What satisfaction am I getting out of this
Frustrating how different everybody's perspectives are on my body.
/u/_comethrowawaywithme
Created: Thu May 24 20:54:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lyhk5/frustrating_how_different_everybodys_perspectives/
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I hate that to some people, I look healthy. To some I look small. To some I look overweight/stocky. There's never a general consensus but I believe the negative things are probably the truth, and anything that can be interpreted as a compliment is just a backhanded way of seeing if I'm a gullible enough to believe a nice thing anyone has to say about me.
There's always going to be someone who thinks I should be smaller or shaped differently, I'm always going to agree with them, and I'll never be happy.
I'm about to drive to walmart at 11PM....
/u/Egleriel
Created: Thu May 24 20:42:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lyewj/im_about_to_drive_to_walmart_at_11pm/
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All because I want laxatives. Again. My other laxatives are in my new apartment... I put them there specifically so i wouldnt take them because I know how horroble they are and how disappointed my boyfriend would be if he knew how often i took them while he was gone...
He and I are going to see each other tomorrow after a month of essentially no contact and instead of being happy all i can think is how hes gonna see my bloated stomach and be disgusted because he lost so much weight during JRTC and I'm still a disgusting doughy mess.... I cant believe how weak I am. I dont deserve him.
[Other] What are you assuming
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Thu May 24 20:11:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ly8e1/what_are_you_assuming/
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https://i.redd.it/b4ksmvtmuwz01.png
[Thinspo] Thinspo with stretch marks?
/u/idontevenliketeatbh
Created: Thu May 24 19:58:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ly5gh/thinspo_with_stretch_marks/
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I don't know what to tag this as. Anyway, I've got stretch marks all over my stomach from being a fat pos and then also being pregnant. I have never seen thinspo with stretch marks and tbh looking at regular thinspo just makes me sad because I literally cannot look like those girls. Anyone know of any ig people or anything with pics like this?
Need to rant.
/u/ace7415
Created: Thu May 24 19:46:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ly2yd/need_to_rant/
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Okay so I am seriously freaking out. I’m usually fine but now I can’t seem to stand myself. The thought of looking at myself again just makes me want to punch the mirror until it breaks into a million pieces. I can’t stand my lack of a jawline, my not flat stomach, and my big hips. I hate it and all I really want is to be skinny. I feel so alone. I constantly compare myself to others without even realizing it at times. I feel out of my mind.
[Rant/Rave] insecurities
/u/kingarthersixties
Created: Thu May 24 19:40:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ly1ol/insecurities/
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What's up my dudes. I left the sub for a while after reaching a peak weight, and I just wanted to be normal again. Normal as in mentally and physically (and physically as in my weight before the mental shit storm). I've reached a peak weight, and the thought of gaining more makes me want to die lmao. My current weight is from binging, and for some good news, my binging is not as bad!! I lost some weight going back to my normal eating habits, probably just water weight but it was still exciting because I felt like I was going to be myself again. During this time, food kind of stopped being a constant in my mind for a little, and my binging diminished significantly. Although my eating habits are normalish now, my weight is still high and I've genuinely never hated my body this much. My thighs are disgusting. My face is disgusting. My stomach is disgusting. My stomach jiggly-ness is all I can focus on. I don't know if I'm actually this fat or if it's my mind, but I just feel so shitty. I'm back on bullshit and I binged today and now I'm brushing my teeth so I can't eat anymore. My normalness was fun while it lasted!!!!! whatever on the plus side my binging is definitely less of an issue!!!! so far lol
tldr; I am fat.
Starting ABC on Monday!
/u/im_sadness_alsotoast
Created: Thu May 24 19:27:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxyv1/starting_abc_on_monday/
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Hey there. Anybody have any tips or meal ideas? I was going to go straight fruit for blood sugar. If anybody wants to be a buddy during this, that'd be pretty cool as well.
Wow I'm so rude for ignoring your constant messages
/u/whats-the-point-ugh
Created: Thu May 24 19:22:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxxll/wow_im_so_rude_for_ignoring_your_constant_messages/
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So I decide to split things with former asshole and go out on a tinder date for fun. It was okay but I was on the fence on date 2.
My god. This guy messages me constantly. I'm not on my phone all the time, I have a job. And even when I'm not at work being social honestly overwhelms me sometimes. I just want some me time
Maybe it's because I'm older but just because you can see me say posting a snapchat story and I don't reply to your snap doesn't mean I'm giving you the cold shoulder. I honesty get distracted easily and with my restricting I've been extra tired and grumpy.
Bitchy boy gets mad that all I talk about is being "cold and tired" and essentially just wants to hook up. He said me not replying to him was "disrespectful".
Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion and if you find me not replying to your snaps the moment I get them disrespectful, or I wait to respond fine. Just letting you know that I'm not putting up with that behaviour and they have been blocked
I lost my appetite now
I just deleted a nice picture of my fiancé and I because my shadow looked fat
/u/hellahungryy
Created: Thu May 24 19:17:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxwn1/i_just_deleted_a_nice_picture_of_my_fiancé_and_i/
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End my shit
[Help] Ok so it’s summer-wtf do I wear now?
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Thu May 24 19:14:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxvvz/ok_so_its_summerwtf_do_i_wear_now/
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Ok so I’m curious to what you guys wear in the summer? I can no longer hide my fat behind oversized sweaters and leggings/sweats. Today it was almost 90 and I wore my usual look and the 13 year old I nanny was freaking out because she was sweating and I thought I’d over heat. I explained that I get really cold easily so that why I dress like that. I can’t wear shorts or rompers because of my huge thighs. I just can’t keep getting asked why I’m wearing so much clothes in this weather anymore.
Thx in advance!
Feeling like relapsing... need support.
/u/Idontknowanything443
Created: Thu May 24 19:07:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxuac/feeling_like_relapsing_need_support/
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Long rant need support and don't know where to post.
I had a student placement at an agency last year doing social work stuff. After school was done I returned to that agency to volunteer while I was trying to figure out my plans for the summer. My volunteer intentions were not to get a job, but just to volunteer. My previous supervisor (Andy) was asking me if I would apply for the summer student position again. I liked the agency, but I debating on applying for another summer student position to get a different experience at another agency. Andy said that she wanted me to apply and the funding for the position was available. After anxious debating myself for a while if I should, I sent the agency my resume. I e-mailed my supervisors, supervisor (i.e. Boss Lady) and said that I was interested. I decided not to apply to other places, stopped other plans, turned down my mothers request to go on vacation because it would interfere with the start date. I went in for the interview last Tuesday (you legally have to do an interview, but I did not know they were interviewing other people for the position because I was told by Andy that she wanted me). I went again today to volunteer and asked Andy if she knew what was going on with the position and when the start date would be. She told me that her boss was calling the other persons references who applied for the position. I am extremely upset. I was lead on to believe that the position was guaranteed to be mine and that Andy wanted me back. If I did not think it was a guarantee I would have looked for other places. I know that Andy does like me, but I never thought Boss Lady did. I have really bad social anxiety disorder and when Boss Lady came around I was weird and reserved. Even if I get the position I am extremely upset and hurt. I hate myself and feel like an idiot. It's too late to apply for other summer student positions and there aren't any jobs in my area that are temporary for my field. I see people who are social, good looking and thin and things seem to come so easy to them. I see how people flock around them and just are nicer. It doesn't matter if you're smart and a women if you don't have one of those three things going for you. I want to stop eating again. People are just nicer to you when your thin. I wish I never put on weight. I don't know what I am ranting about I am just really upset. I hate myself and wish that I was social and thin again. I don't know if I can cure my social anxiety anytime soon, but I know I can cure my fatness.
[Discussion] Has anyone else gotten piercings while restricting?
/u/lyhndzie
Created: Thu May 24 19:04:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxtle/has_anyone_else_gotten_piercings_while_restricting/
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So I’m going this weekend to get at least one piercing, maybe two. I’ve been restricting to 600 calories a day, which sometimes leaves me feeling a little weak. I have never in my life passed out, and I have had 11 piercings in the past. But I’ve never gotten pierced while restricting. Should I up my daily intake before I get pierced or will I be fine?
[Rant/Rave] Ate too much zucchini
/u/lenaxxbee
Created: Thu May 24 18:45:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxp7o/ate_too_much_zucchini/
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On mobile. Rant.
So I just steamed 3 large zucchini, seasoned it with salt and garlic powder, and ate all of it. And now I’m freaking out.
I know the whole thing was only like 120 calories, but I put so much salt on it and now I’m going to be bloated and look disgusting and I feel so full and heavy and I just want to scream.
My boyfriend bought 3 fucking pounds of hummus for me with pretzels to eat it with and I was scared that if I didn’t feel full, I’d end up eating all of it but now I just feel like I’m a piece of human garbage.
Why the fuck am I like this
[Discussion] Do you all punish yourselves when you slip up?
/u/gasstationfantasy
Created: Thu May 24 18:37:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxnab/do_you_all_punish_yourselves_when_you_slip_up/
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I've gotten into the habit of cutting myself with a blade or burning myself with a cigarette whenever I eat something that's unplanned or high in calories. I don't really mind the pain I just hate the scars it leaves. They are constant reminders of all my failures. It's my favorite motivation to not eat what I'm not supposed to.
Just to make it clear, I'm not encouraging self-harm. This isn't some sort of tip. I'm just wondering if anyone else is this way.
dealing with setbacks?
/u/li_hu_sh
Created: Thu May 24 18:36:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxn4f/dealing_with_setbacks/
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I've been really careful this past week but today I slipped up! I had so many cashews (high calorie count and not even that filling!) and peanut butter (as you can see, I have a thing for nuts) and I'm so upset. I've also plateaued at 122 so that isn't helping, but I wanted to look good for pictures tomorrow. Ideas on what to do?
Anyone who force feeds here to gain weight? tw:assault
/u/ilikebiting
Created: Thu May 24 18:33:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxmks/anyone_who_force_feeds_here_to_gain_weight/
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Please help. I feel so alone in this.
I have been sexually abused/raped and ever since I started to force feed myself to become overweight so I'm ugly and unattractive to men. I'm ready to be skinny again, but i keep yoyo-ing. Lose weight but get scared at any attention and start to force feed myself again.
I've ruined my body - loose skin, stretch marks, etc.
I just want to be tiny again but only feel invisible when i'm fat.
Really struggling with this but I don't think i've seen anyone going through anything similar here. : ( Anyone else? How to stop ?
[Help] i think i got my period but it’s really really light
/u/pinpeach
Created: Thu May 24 18:06:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxg5d/i_think_i_got_my_period_but_its_really_really/
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i’ve been restricting below 600 calories for about two months and my bmi is at around 19. I’ve never had issues with my period and it’s always been extremely regular. It feels like my period in terms of cramps and all that and is here at the right time but it’s extremely light to where it’s almost just spotting. It’s highly unlikely that i’m pregnant (although i guess it’s possible but i really doubt it) and i don’t know of anything else that could be causing it. has anyone else ever experienced anything like this and could i be losing my period? i know that you aren’t doctors but i just wanted to know if anyone else has ever experienced this.
[Rant/Rave] I guess I want everyone to know just by looking
/u/Lairabel09
Created: Thu May 24 17:58:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxege/i_guess_i_want_everyone_to_know_just_by_looking/
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I don't even remember when I began wanting to be underweight but I felt somehow challenged to achieve a BMI of 19. Then I wanted to go slightly under, just to be sure. Then I got to 18.7 and I read that some places consider a BMI over 18.5 to still be healthy. Ok, so you want me to go lower? I'm not rushing but I'll get there.
Today I am officially at a BMI of 18.3. And then read that only a BMI under 18 is considered underweight. So that's where I'm headed now.
My hair is thinning out, my skins dry and I feel like this ugly dried out turd biscuit most of the time. But I feel lighter and more detached from the world and my own emotions, if that makes sense. This isn't about wanting to be prettier, it's about me looking how I feel and felt for most of my life. I was depressed most of my teens, I got bullied back in my school days, my family is "troubled" and not understanding of mental illness at all. I am still in the closet and couldn't talk to anyone about the heartbreak I am *still* going through one year and 3 months after my breakup with who others believed to be my best friend. It's pathetic, really. University is also stressing me tf out. I've got 5 exams coming up that I NEED to be done with this semester. At this point I am just living from one mental breakdown to the next. I have just one super awesome and supportive friend and she's going through some stuff as well, so I don't want to bother her with mine. But I still want people to *know* I am not fine, without me having to tell or explain. I never felt taken serious concerning my past suicidal tendencies and suicide attempts but then again, tall chubby brown girls are never taken serious when it comes to mental health. But lately people started paying attention and I am dying for this feeling of validation that I didn't even know I needed before I lost weight!
Anyway, today was my birthday. I am twenty-fucking-two years old and I feel lost, alone and weak. I am wasting time.
If you actually read all that I am probably also wasting yours, but thank you💜
I feel like a teenager again and I hate it
/u/Eraiya
Created: Thu May 24 17:47:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxbwl/i_feel_like_a_teenager_again_and_i_hate_it/
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Over the last 15 years or so I've been everywhere with this.
I started out binge eating. Got up to 12 stone.
I starated binging and purging. I still have damage on my teeth.
Started restricting in year 12. Got down to 7 1/2 by my 2nd year of uni. God I miss people saying they'll force feed me.
Uni was a blurr of drugs and alcohol and the same food every day.
Still can't eat bananas or porridge. There's one food that is still my nickname with some people.
My first office job I hit 10 stone. I remberer crying when I got on the scales. I remember wearing dresses into work because I was too fat for skinny jeans.
My last office job I hit 11 stone. My girlfriend at the time threw away the scales.
I took a career change and started working out every day. I hit sub 20% body fat and could run up mountins.
Work got stressful and I went back up to 10 stone.
My wife left me. I binged for a year and now weight 14 stone.
A year later, to the day and I loose the ability to eat. I count everything. Can't finnish anything. I feel sick
I'm bored now. I want to get off this ride. am nearly 30.
I feel like I'm 15 again but without the hope. What is even the point now when the best years of my life are over and wastes?
/end rant
Fave snack: saladitos/preserved plum. Super low cal (like 20 cal for a pack that lasts ALL DAY), tons of flavour, and salty so you chug water
/u/mXCXO
Created: Thu May 24 17:43:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxawy/fave_snack_saladitospreserved_plum_super_low_cal/
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https://i.redd.it/ofya5thb4wz01.jpg
Fave snack: saladitos/preserved plums. Super low cal (like 20 cal for a package that lasts ALL DAY), lots of flavour, makes you thirsty so you chug water.
/u/-Era
Created: Thu May 24 17:42:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lxao9/fave_snack_saladitospreserved_plums_super_low_cal/
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https://i.redd.it/fk1tky744wz01.jpg
[Discussion] Update. I was Rx'd Vyvanse for BED
/u/FitCelery3
Created: Thu May 24 17:21:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lx5j9/update_i_was_rxd_vyvanse_for_bed/
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Does r/fasting have some sort of secret?!
/u/GingerWithSunscreen
Created: Thu May 24 16:58:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lwzjl/does_rfasting_have_some_sort_of_secret/
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How do they fast for so long?! And how come they get praised and encourage for it?! What is their secret?!
Feeling like lapsing back into ED
/u/RemarkablePin
Created: Thu May 24 16:55:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lwyra/feeling_like_lapsing_back_into_ed/
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Ever since my parents pushed me (almost forced me) to gain weight I have been obsessively counting calories and going to the gym so I gain the least amount of fat as possible.
I met a girl a week ago and we have been hanging out *a lot* since, I guess you could call her a girlfriend. She is very skinny and doesn't eat a lot (on our first date she said "i promise im not anorexic). From the time we've spent together, it seems possible she has an ED.
I have never connected nearly as much personally and romantically with a girl (in things other than possible ED) like her, but am *deathly* afraid to tell anyone about my past anorexia and current obsessive calorie counting/weighing. I don't know what to tell her (if anything)
Why do I get dizzy when I eat after restricting?
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Thu May 24 16:51:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lwxnw/why_do_i_get_dizzy_when_i_eat_after_restricting/
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When I’ve been fasting/restricting really hard and I start eating a meal/binging why do I get dizzy? I feel like I get spots in my vision too. I feel nauseous. Every time I’m binging after restricting I get really dizzy, sleepy and uncoordinated. Anybody know why this happens?
[Help] I’m so depressed i can’t get myself out of the bed and have living on junk food for 2 days.
/u/drinkinshamepain
Created: Thu May 24 16:43:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lwvj1/im_so_depressed_i_cant_get_myself_out_of_the_bed/
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I can’t get myself out of bed,it’s like there’s no reason for me to try and have been living on cereal, cookies and takis since yesterday.
[Discussion] Eating the same foods everyday
/u/CepheidVox
Created: Thu May 24 16:39:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lwuh8/eating_the_same_foods_everyday/
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Does anyone else find themselves eating the same meals each day? My routine is black tea and an orange or apple for breakfast, eggs for lunch, and rice, vegetables, and either chicken or pork for dinner. I eat these meals at specific times during the day and find it really comforting to stick to this pattern.
I can eat other things but then I have to calculate and deal with different portions... and it's just easier not to. My boyfriend has definitely gotten sick of rice and chicken though!
Do you follow a routine like this? What are your go-to meals?
Recovering metabolism without weight gain
/u/LocalDrunkenPeasant
Created: Thu May 24 16:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lwt8s/recovering_metabolism_without_weight_gain/
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So I've been losing weight like mad recently with a mixture of a newfound love of exercise and (with all exercise taken into account) 100-200 cal per day, but I'm getting pretty close to reaching my goal and I don't want to lose more than that. I don't want to lose more weight but I also couldn't bare to gain or drop the exercise. I'd be fine just staying at my exercise level and going up by 100 cal per week intake, since I've heard that can work, but would it fail with a rather active lifestyle? I don't want to lose or gain, so any advice on getting to a normal eating cycle? Is it possible to still exercise while 'recovering' in a sense? ((Also advice on gaining muscle during this metabolism recovery would be helpful))
[Rant/Rave] I suddenly hate my favourite outfit and I hate that I hate it
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Thu May 24 16:11:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lwnla/i_suddenly_hate_my_favourite_outfit_and_i_hate/
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I have a second date with a girl tomorrow and together with a friend, I picked out an outfit. It's really one of my favourites, an army green croptop that shows off my boobs nicely (they're the only thing I feel confident about so that's always important for me) and black shorts. I usually really love this outfit, but not now. I feel really insecure about my body, my stomach in particular. I feel like I shouldn't have eaten at all the past few days if I wanted to actually wear this outfit. I'm scared to put it on tomorrow and I'm pretty sure I'll put on something else. Why am I like this? I *love* that outfit and I look amazing in it usually, but now the only thing I can see is my fat stomach and my body full of scars and I hate this. I really don't know what to do.
Can eating too many shirataki noodles cause problems?
/u/BriInvent
Created: Thu May 24 16:06:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lwm67/can_eating_too_many_shirataki_noodles_cause/
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Okay, so, I may come off as a little crazy, but I have this huge phobia of, like, stomach problems, like being nauseated, vomiting, etc. (Maybe that’s weird to say with an ED, but I’m more restrictive than anything. . . )
Anyway, I got a pack of shirataki noodles and loved them, but the recipe I used said they could cause stomach problems. Well, I ate half a 7 oz. bag a couple days ago and there was no problem, so then I ate a full bag for dinner last night and had no problem.
So now I want to eat them, like, all the time. So low cal and feels like real food?? How could I not? BUT I’m worried that eating it too often could cause stomach problems, and the website I was on was all “could cause gastroenteritis blockage” and idk.
I’m probably just a hypochondriac. But I was wondering if anyone else eats a shit ton of these noodles and were fine/weren’t fine.
Oh, also, hi. First post on a throwaway I use to browse all the subs my fiancé doesn’t need to know about.
[Discussion] Who carries all their weight in their lower half?
/u/shharkie
Created: Thu May 24 15:44:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lwgjm/who_carries_all_their_weight_in_their_lower_half/
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So I binged for about 3 weeks straight, and contrary to my last post, I only gained 10 pounds- but, it still looked like a lot on my 5’1 body. Oddly enough, I only gained like 1 inch around my waist- but I gained about 3 inches on EACH of my thighs, one inch on my calves, AND 2 inches around my butt. I swear, everything is just stored down there 🙄
[Rant/Rave] i took one bite of that stupid fucking scone and i was full. but i ate the rest and a fiber 1 brownie anyway.
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Thu May 24 15:37:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lwemf/i_took_one_bite_of_that_stupid_fucking_scone_and/
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i guess i just have no self control! my friend keeps telling me i’m anorexic because i’m underweight but really?? they don’t eat scones. my net calories today is 604. which is about 700 more than i planned to eat! goodbye to my 31 hour fast!
then i ate the brownie cause i haven’t gone #2 in two days and my scale says i’m 108.4 but if it’s all water weight i might be even lower.
at least it didn’t turn into a full blown binge. i’ve actually been better at that lately, hence the broken plateau.
[Rant/Rave] What am I doing on a Thursday night?
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Thu May 24 15:26:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lwbxt/what_am_i_doing_on_a_thursday_night/
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well, I'm sitting in bed in my underwear looking at pictures of Sasha Grey and sobbing because my boyfriend prefers her to me and she has an ass and a body i could only dream of having. i want to scream and cut my fat off and fucking starve until i disappear. i hate my fucking brain and my low self esteem and my fucking flesh prison unworthy of love or care or admiration
My chinese boss just called me fat!!! Cant wait to off myself LOL
/u/weirdgrossworm
Created: Thu May 24 15:19:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lw9xq/my_chinese_boss_just_called_me_fat_cant_wait_to/
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Haha how's everyone else's day going?
[Discussion] Goodbye for now
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Thu May 24 15:17:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lw9fr/goodbye_for_now/
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I'm leaving this sub for now while I'm doing well. Many of these posts are just too triggering for my ed and I want to stay on the right path for as long as I can. You are all such supportive and beautiful people and I wish you all well.
[Rant/Rave] I purged for the first time in years
/u/damnitjanet6
Created: Thu May 24 15:16:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lw934/i_purged_for_the_first_time_in_years/
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I've been on a three day binge. Spent like £35, which I don't have, on food. Put on practically a million pounds. I can't talk to anyone in real life because I am so painfully embarrassed of my binge eating. Literally just eating anything I can get my hands on. I haven't eaten pizza for like months because I've been restricting and I feel so guilty for eating it, I can feel the half that I couldn't make myself throw up just sitting in my stomach and it's so heavy. I just needed to get it out of me so bad. My hands stink of pizza-vomit. I'm literally sitting on the bathroom floor feeling like death. I've washed my hands like a million times but I can't get the smell out. I used to purge quite a bit, like three years ago, but I've not done it forever and half of me feels shattered that I've broken a clean streak and half of me feels so shitty that I'm out of practice now and I can't do it like I did before.
Sorry if I've broken any rules or anything, I'm new around here and I just needed to tell someone or my head was going to explode.
[Discussion] How long did it take for you to realize you had an ED?
/u/peoniesanddoubt
Created: Thu May 24 14:44:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lw0dn/how_long_did_it_take_for_you_to_realize_you_had/
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In your opinion, which is the best apple variety?
/u/tame_impalian
Created: Thu May 24 14:40:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lvzay/in_your_opinion_which_is_the_best_apple_variety/
---
Honeycrisp all day every day for me
[Rant/Rave] Lowest weight in years, 4lbs from lowest adult weight
/u/mandolin_handsfree
Created: Thu May 24 14:29:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lvwah/lowest_weight_in_years_4lbs_from_lowest_adult/
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I haven't updated my flair in a long time but I did a liquid fast for 10 days (I'm on day 10) and finally got into the 120s (128 as of today) and I thought I would be happy to be 4 pounds away from my LW and also 10 pounds from my current GW... but I still look chubby and on top of that I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't feel like I am enjoying life and I can't make plans with people because I'm afraid of eating. I tell myself once I get to my GW everything will go back to normal but lmao we all know that's not true
Anyway sorry for this miserable rant, I just have nobody to talk to about this
[Rant/Rave] Everything is going right in my life and I am still so god damn miserable
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Thu May 24 13:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lvloc/everything_is_going_right_in_my_life_and_i_am/
---
I just had like the absolute best 24 hours in a long time. My boyfriend told me he loves me for the first time and oh my god I could feel it when he said it, I have felt it for so long and it honestly was magical lol. Then we spent the next day on the lake with our friends, got drunk and played pool and just generally had a good day. I was fasted and feeling really good about myself and I’m only 5 lbs away from my goal so life is good. Then I found out I got accepted into the only nursing program I applied to (I was initially denied but they accepted me as an alternate for the fall quarter and if I don’t get in that quarter I am automatically accepted for winter). I was not expecting to actually get accepted and the program is super competitive so I didn’t think it would happen.
Then I had a bonfire with my boyfriend and brother and everyone was sooooo happy for me and my bf took me to get Chinese food and donuts to celebrate. We got high and watched tv and had sex and had a great night. Everything is fucking perfect.
So why did I wake up so god damn sad?! Probably bc I have food in my body and I feel fucking disgusting. So pretty much I have everything I could want but this fucking eating disorder is keeping me from being happy. And I am not ready to recover so I don’t know what to do.
I am seeing my doctor today to hopefully start anxiety medication or antidepressants- which I am not thrilled about but I need some kind of help and it’s not happening on my own.
Sorry this was a big ramble I just needed to get it out
I felt like I was dying today
/u/caithaa
Created: Thu May 24 13:27:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lvel5/i_felt_like_i_was_dying_today/
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I get these phases where feeling hungry makes me feel super powerful, like I have all the willpower and strength in the world and I can do absolutely anything. And usually I just eat out of boredom, not real hunger, or more like I forgot what "real" hunger used to feel like it just constantly feels empty, you know. But today I was starving. I could've eaten straight lettuce out of a garbage can. And the more I ate, the more stressed I became. About finding a job and money and family and just everything got more and more stressful the more I ate, it was absolutely awful, but I couldn't stop eating the whole day. I was just laying in bed afterwards and I got this super strange feeling like my heart was about to stop. I couldn't feel my heartbeat. It was terrifying. Idk what the hell happened today but I just wanted to put it out here because I was so scared.
[Rant/Rave] fuck clinical teams
/u/naboo_taboo
Created: Thu May 24 13:19:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lvcgt/fuck_clinical_teams/
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let me start out by saying I really thought I could do it this time.
I did php and iop for a cumulative 5.5 months this time round, and I thought I could possibly live without starving myself/purging.
I would always ask my team if i was in my 'range' and for the entirety of my time post gain, I was according to them. I discharged in not a good place, but I was trying my best. I trusted my team because after those months of crying about my fear about gaining more weight, and their response of why don't you trust us', I kinda just stopped and tried to believe them.
I had my first op dietician appointment and as I haven't been doing so hot with food, she weighed me. I was above the range.
I was so livid. I went to an alumni group held by my php and just cried. I was so sad and angry finding this out. I just wanted to be able to trust them and they lied.
I talked to the program dietician, she apologized because she said it was done for my safety and my best intention.
Tuesday, I got an email from the program therapist I worked with and I got banned from attending groups.
I've been spiraling for a while but the weight piece really solidified it. That email didn't help my psyche either.
I feel better in the midst of behaviors, more stable. I just don't really know what I'm doing anymore. Resolving to losing weight is my plan so far, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. The living with the ED. I also don't think I'll ever be able to live without it.
I don't know if putting this out into the universe will help any, but I just didn't want to feel so alone for a second.
If you read through all this, thank you.
[Other] Is my drink really diet? And other stupid concerns.
/u/_notcreative
Created: Thu May 24 13:17:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lvbuq/is_my_drink_really_diet_and_other_stupid_concerns/
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I ordered a large Diet Coke. It’s marked Diet Coke. But it tastes a little *too* good. I tested it to see if it’s sticky and it’s not which I’ve read means it’s diet. I’m not sure enough to want to drink it. I want to throw it out but I also desperately need caffeine.
Why is everything so stupid?
Why can’t I just drink a beverage without over analyzing it?
[Discussion] Boyfriend bought me dinner.. refuses to believe I like it because of how much I eat
/u/DisguisedAsMe
Created: Thu May 24 13:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lvava/boyfriend_bought_me_dinner_refuses_to_believe_i/
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So my bf buys me food quite a bit and wants to go out to eat a lot. Usually I let him decide where we eat but he always chooses places that are super high calorie. He is like a twig so I feel self conscious eating anyway but now since I'm eating less he is like convinced I just don't like the food and is super apologetic which would be cute if that was true, but he got me like expensive food (that WAS good) and idk how to navigate this lol. He also like eyes me funny if I order a salad or something :/
Any advice on how to deal with keeping boyfriends or significant others from paying too much attention or how to deal with this in general? I want to lose some weight soon because I'm literally so much bigger than him :( AND he wants to go to the beach soon which makes me wanna restrict even more 😭
What is the most inspiring weight loss success story/progress picture(s) you've seen?
/u/PlayfulWriting
Created: Thu May 24 13:08:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lv9dq/what_is_the_most_inspiring_weight_loss_success/
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Needing some major inspiration and I feel like other people could use some too. Link your most inspiring weight loss progress pics/stories c:
ty in advance ♥
[Discussion] wearing bigger clothes to feel small
/u/fairshine
Created: Thu May 24 12:27:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8luxv8/wearing_bigger_clothes_to_feel_small/
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this is prob a dumb question but does anybody else wear their old ”””fat””” clothes, buy clothes that are three sizes too big, or wear their significant others clothing on days when they feel extra big to help feel tinier?
i’m (5’5, 135lbs) wearing my boyfriends (6’1, 220lbs) muscle shirt to the gym today in lieu of any of my workout tops because it’s absolutely massive on me and i feel like i can hide in it and nobody can look at my gross rolls while i’m doing sit-ups :^)
Dreams about binging
/u/flyleafet9
Created: Thu May 24 12:23:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8luwki/dreams_about_binging/
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I thought I might as well share this with you guys. Last night I dreamt about binging on peanut butter and it was wonderful. Then I woke up and remembered I don't even like peanut butter.
So yeah. I'd love to hear some similar stories.
[Discussion] DAE purge alcohol?
/u/lizbites
Created: Thu May 24 12:11:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lut87/dae_purge_alcohol/
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Whenever I get drunk I can’t help but binge, and purging afterwards is.... soo euphoric. Something about the alcohol mixed with the high from purging is so good and as soon as I’m done purging I lay down and it literally sends waves of pleasure through my whole body.
(Writing this in the middle of a drunk binge and watching Intervention lol. It’s tough cuz I hate myself for it but also it all feels so good.)
[Discussion] DAE hate food??
/u/stop-meowing
Created: Thu May 24 11:49:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lumtg/dae_hate_food/
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I hate every single thing about food. I hate that I I’m supposed to “need” it to survive. I hate the smell. Every little thing revolving food, meal times, etc. Hate it all!
Idk if it’s just me, but it’s not some love/hate relationship with food, it’s just all hate.
[Discussion] Does anyone else love watching Matt Stonie??
/u/mina1200
Created: Thu May 24 11:48:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lums8/does_anyone_else_love_watching_matt_stonie/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gok-gkH4bwA
[Rant/Rave] [Possible trigger warning] Do you guys ever feel suicidal after purging?
/u/takethisedandshoveit
Created: Thu May 24 11:27:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8luglf/possible_trigger_warning_do_you_guys_ever_feel/
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I know I do. I binged on a gazillion calories and just finished purging some of those. I looked at my face in the mirror after doing it and I felt so much disgust with myself it's unbearable. I couldn't believe how much I felt like I needed to keep vomiting. Is there any meaning to life if all I'm ever going to do is feel bad about existing? Then also feel bad when I want to not exist anymore? I always need to sit down and cry for a while after purging because I just can't stand the self\-hatred. I even have class in an hour and Idk if I'm going to be able to go \(I've decided not to go so many times that the teacher told me if I missed class once more I wouldn't be allowed to go anymore\). Just wanted to post my thoughts somewhere since my therapist wants to tell on my parents and I don't have anyone else.
Have purged two days in a row and my tummy is upset now... any advice?
/u/alreadydeadjess
Created: Thu May 24 11:12:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lucd0/have_purged_two_days_in_a_row_and_my_tummy_is/
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[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend keeps embarrassing me
/u/monstersona
Created: Thu May 24 11:09:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lubgo/my_boyfriend_keeps_embarrassing_me/
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So my boyfriend knows my eating disorder is really bad right now. Sometimes he lets me get away with it, but sometimes in the breakroom he'll berate me for only bringing to hard boiled eggs for lunch. Like. Out in public. And I know he doesn't realize just how embarrassing it is, but shortly afterward I had one of my coworkers say "Are you not eating right? Are you eating enough?" And I had to tell her I was I just felt sick. It was so embarrassing I wanted to die. I wish he wouldn't actively talk about it in public because it's something I'd rather keep private. Everyone at work knows I don't eat a lot, they all know I eat very little, they've commented on it. They just don't know why. I wish he'd just keep quiet about it, and when I confronted him he said he was sorry but I'm scared he'll do it again. He's supportive and amazing most of the time but I don't know why he has to be like this.
[Rant/Rave] Getting embarassed
/u/monstersona
Created: Thu May 24 11:08:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lub0p/getting_embarassed/
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So my boyfriend knows my eating disorder is really bad right now. Sometimes he lets me get away with it, but sometimes in the breakroom he'll berate me for only bringing to hard boiled eggs for lunch. Like. Out in public. And I know he doesn't realize just how embarrassing it is, but shortly afterward I had one of my coworkers say "Are you not eating right? Are you eating enough?" And I had to tell her I was I just felt sick. It was so embarrassing I wanted to die. I wish he wouldn't actively talk about it in public because it's something I'd rather keep private. Everyone at work knows I don't eat a lot, they all know I eat very little, they've commented on it. They just don't know why. I wish he'd just keep quiet about it, and when I confronted him he said he was sorry but I'm scared he'll do it again. He's supportive and amazing most of the time but I don't know why he has to be like this.
I'm going to cry (In a good way)
/u/tjking333
Created: Thu May 24 11:05:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lua5l/im_going_to_cry_in_a_good_way/
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I was talking to one of my coworkers about going to the gym together and we were discussing our weight goals. I told him I wanted to get down to the low hundreds and he said if I did I could totally be a model.
I'm sure he was just playing around but it made me feel really good. 😊
Plateauing For Three Weeks and I Wanna Die
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Thu May 24 10:59:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lu8c4/plateauing_for_three_weeks_and_i_wanna_die/
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I can't get under 125 and its passing me off!!! Like I lost and lost and lost and then halted around 130 and then it took what felt like 100 years to lose that 5 pounds and now I'm just not budging. And I can't fast because my family already suspects I have an ED but I restrict to 500 calories a day. Should I lower it to 200-300? I dunno what to do!! I've never been so static in my weight loss. Even a binge day to a restriction week isn't working.
I work out for an hour but it's light exercise since I always low restrict. ): Help meeee.
[Rant/Rave] group photos
/u/serketcircuit
Created: Thu May 24 10:57:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lu7uf/group_photos/
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i know a ton of people have this problem, but i dont really have any irl friends so ive never had anybody post a photo of me other than myself until the other night.
my theater club always goes to hang out at the local dairy queen after the final performance (most ppl just get a blizzard or a small fry if anything so its not a pressure to eat scenario), and i was pretty happy with myself since id managed to end up at a table with this really beautiful senior, the girl playing the lead, and her boyfriend. sometime during all this one of the tech crew came up to take a photo of us and posted it on instagram w the others shed taken there and backstage during the production
its the only photo im in and i gotta say, compared to everyone else i look fucking disgusting
[Discussion] BED sufferers, what Rx has helped you?
/u/FitCelery3
Created: Thu May 24 10:53:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lu6nf/bed_sufferers_what_rx_has_helped_you/
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Hit me with your favorite "diet" whatever drinks
/u/HowToBeAsian25
Created: Thu May 24 10:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lu6bf/hit_me_with_your_favorite_diet_whatever_drinks/
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About to go to the store and load up.
[Discussion] DAE have someone that is this crazy supportive? I’m feeling horrible this week and I almost happy cried when I got this text before seeing bae. He offered me a cupcake instead which is my happy food and I was thrilled.
/u/bodybycoke
Created: Thu May 24 10:22:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lty1v/dae_have_someone_that_is_this_crazy_supportive_im/
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https://i.redd.it/bb932fcmxtz01.jpg
I need help
/u/-whatisit
Created: Thu May 24 10:19:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ltx0w/i_need_help/
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I weigh 140lbs and I really struggle with my weight. I’ve struggles for years and I feel like nothing works. I try and work out but I loose motivation very fast. I’m scared to even leave my house because I don’t want to be seen , it’s getting warmer for summer and I’m terrified because I don’t want to be seen and I don’t have anything to wear that I’m confident in. I haven’t eaten today and i feel proud of myself but I don’t even know if I will manage to keep it up.
[Discussion] DAE drink sparkling ICE?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Thu May 24 10:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ltuyc/dae_drink_sparkling_ice/
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Are they really 0 Cals? I kind've don't believe it.
Riding On That ED-Compliment High Train
/u/MrsBluebeard
Created: Thu May 24 10:02:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lts4p/riding_on_that_edcompliment_high_train/
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So this is essentially a II part compliment post.
The first being that I’m currently in a medical field related school, and part of that is taking blood pressure on classmates. As we are nearing the end of the program, we have to practice our skills for the instructor using each other as “patients.” So I volunteer to be the patient of one of the guys in my glass, and I’m immediately dismissed as “my arms are far to small for the regular sized cuffs, and the blood pressure reading will be inaccurate.” Now, I know this is true. My little-ass arms slip right out of the cuff, but it’s was pathetically pleasurable to hear it said by multiple people today.
The other compliment was from the guy I’ve been kind of seeing. The other night he took me to a bar/flea market and I was talking up and joking with every random stranger there. This won me a lot of free alcohol. However I drank way too much. To the point of blacking out, or so I thought. I ended up recalling a bit of the night. Apparently I ended up throwing up in a soccer field and telling the guy I’m seeing that I love him. (Classy, I know.) I texted him today, telling him my memories and apologizing profusely again. He told me it was alright, and that I’m “quite the quiet-puker.” I contribute that to years of practice while living with roommates or family.
What even is my life?
[Rant/Rave] Face Standards
/u/tarantulahospital
Created: Thu May 24 09:48:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ltoh7/face_standards/
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no matter what, i can NEVER become conventionally attractive
even if i weighed 90 pounds that wouldn’t fix my face
maybe a little, at least i’d have a jawline
Feeling Discouraged
/u/its_freaking_bats
Created: Thu May 24 09:43:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ltn34/feeling_discouraged/
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I have had disordered eating all of my life. From as far back as I can remember I was afraid of being fat, trying to restrict my eating, doing exercises to burn calories, and critiquing my body in the bathroom mirror. Despite my fears, I admit that I was always very slim; when I was 18 I weighed around 120 pounds. However, over the 5 years I spent in university I put on 35 pounds and became the heaviest I ever was at 155. I know that this isn't overweight per say, but I was extremely uncomfortable in my body, constantly crying and dressing in large, shapeless clothes to cover my body.
I did manage to lose 10 pounds this past fall due to a diet change but I still hated myself even at 145.
A month ago I went back to the habits that I had picked up when I was younger and began restricting my diet. I have lost 12 pounds and I am now 133lbs which I admit makes me feel a bit better about myself. However, over the past couple of days I have been bouncing between 132.5 and 134 despite eating less than 600 calories a day. This is super frustrating to me because I know I have been super careful and I feel like I have put in the work and the will power to avoid high calorie foods but my scale just doesn't match up with my efforts. Out of frustration today I binged on a 360 calorie tub of ice cream (not a lot, I know) and I feel even worse about myself. I just want to remain in bed in a cocoon and will the fat to leave my body.
I apologize for the long rant but I just feel so disgusting and helpless.
Learning how to lose weight the healthy way, and becoming obsessed with "speeding up the process".
/u/BreMarieNirvana
Created: Thu May 24 09:26:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lti8t/learning_how_to_lose_weight_the_healthy_way_and/
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Lately I've been using a weight loss calculator to make some predictions. Apparently if I walk 30 minutes once a day, with a diet of 1,200cal/day, I could be down to 111 in a year. So of course my dumb ass is thinking "if that's the case, if I cut to 600cal/day with a hour walk, could I manage that in 6 months?" 🙄 why am I like this lol.
[Discussion] DAE with a fitness tracker freak out when they don’t hit their step/calorie burn goal?
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Thu May 24 09:22:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lth4h/dae_with_a_fitness_tracker_freak_out_when_they/
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I get so much anxiety when it’s 11:30pm and I’m 4K steps short or haven’t hit my 2500kcl goal I feel like such a fat f*ck failure 😞
[Other] Was playing an MMORPG the other night, when a dungeon boss yelled threats that I think everyone here has felt at least once...
/u/CoffeeBonez
Created: Thu May 24 08:56:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lt9r1/was_playing_an_mmorpg_the_other_night_when_a/
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Marwyn yells: Death is all that you will find here!
Marwyn yells: Waste away into nothingness!
Marwyn yells: Yes... Run... Run to meet your destiny... Its bitter, cold embrace, awaits you
Marwyn yells: Choke on your suffering!
As soon as I heard 'waste away', my ED brain perked up. And then he yelled 'choke on your suffering!' and the bulimic in me smirked.
When you reach a special level of IDGAF and stop hiding your ED
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Thu May 24 08:45:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lt6s6/when_you_reach_a_special_level_of_idgaf_and_stop/
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I’ll be 25 in a couple weeks. I’m married. I’ve had an eating disorder for 15 years. I’ve been some kind of combo of treatment and therapy for just as long. I’m happier, and just an all-around better human to be around when I can engage in whatever disordered behavior I want.
I used to hide who I was, and I used to cover up my restriction/Weightloss/overexercising/binging at all costs. I used to be mortified if I went through a checkout line with more than a “normal”’amount of food, saying it was for a party. (lol)
...but then one day I just stopped caring. I used to hide from my husband that I woke up at 4 am to get my entire days worth of steps in before 6 am. Now he asks what I was doing and say “burning calories.” Or I used to lie and say I just ate before he came home. Now I blatantly don’t eat meals, and if he asks what I had for lunch and dinner, I say “lemon water. What about you?”
I don’t even care anymore. I probably should. This should probably worry me. But in total truth, it doesn’t. I’ve accepted that this is going to be my life and I’m tired of feeling like everyone else is right and deserves to feel good about my choices. Eff that. If I want to lose 33 more pounds (which I am in the process of doing) then that is my choice.
I’m a grown ass adult. And that’s how I feel about that. 😂
[Rant/Rave] ive been stuck at the same weight for about 2 months now and it freaking sucks
/u/burrochevola
Created: Thu May 24 08:32:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lt3fo/ive_been_stuck_at_the_same_weight_for_about_2/
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its SO frustrating. i've always been overweight my entire life, hw was about 172 lbs so nearly obese (im 5'3). i've always suffered from binge eating disorder but never thought about doing something it, until last september, when i started learning a bit more about calories, diets etc and decided it was time to change.
lost abt 40 lbs in 7 months by restricting A LOT, i felt so great!
but NOW
now my binging habits seem to have returned and i swear to god, the scale has been stuck at my cw (130 lbs) for MONTHS. its fucking frustrating. i still feel (and look) so fat, even if technically im at a normal weight for my height. i just wanna lose another 20 lbs to look at least a bit skinny like i've always wanted to feel but NOOO, i restrict for 3/4 days then binge and gain that little weight i lost and cry and start restricting again. why tf am i like this. its an endless restrict/ binge cycle. and now i can't even purge anymore bc my parents busted me & they're now checking obsessively every little thing to make sure i don't purge anymore. jesus christ i just wanna lose the last pounds to get to my gw, it shouldn't be that difficult. but it is. idk. kill me pls.
btw i wrote this after another 1,800+ calories binge ahah kill me
I didn't know my binges were that bad
/u/batshitbaby
Created: Thu May 24 08:25:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lt1o6/i_didnt_know_my_binges_were_that_bad/
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Yesterday I ordered food online, like always. The doorbell apparently broke so I didn't hear the delivery guy. So my flatmate brings me the food and bruh. He was straight up shocked that I was gonna eat it all by myself. His friend was joking that I could go a week off this shit. While its a bit rude I didn't really care but when I got to my room it just hit me
Literally the only reason I'm not morbidly obese is that I only eat 1 meal a day. I'm suddenly so disgusted with myself, how didn't this hit me before? I haven't eaten a thing since, I don't know how I can even eat anymore. Usually I'm not even that hungry when I order these binge meals but I still do it. I just eat for no reason at all
DEA look at r/progresspics by weight?
/u/lalalean
Created: Thu May 24 08:24:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lt1c4/dea_look_at_rprogresspics_by_weight/
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i recently realized that on the sidebar you can find your sex/height and see those specific progress pictures. i'm f/4'11" so i was able to look at these:
[https://www.reddit.com/search?q=subreddit%3Aprogresspics\+flair%3A%22f\+4\+11%22&sort=new&utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=usertext&utm\_name=progresspics&utm\_content=t5\_2sl0y](https://www.reddit.com/search?q=subreddit%3Aprogresspics+flair%3A%22f+4+11%22&sort=new&utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=progresspics&utm_content=t5_2sl0y)
it's good reference, since i never know what my body could look like at certain weight. also, i think i need to lose more weight than i originally intended. lol.
People who struggle with binging on food they crave, do you think it's better to go "cold turkey" on junk food or to regularily incorporate small amounts?
/u/throwaway_ED_
Created: Thu May 24 07:43:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lsqfh/people_who_struggle_with_binging_on_food_they/
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So I've noticed that there are two extremely different points of view in regard to dealing with binge food cravings:
1. The "addiction theory" - people binge because they are addicted to their binge foods just like an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol. And just like an alcoholic will never be able to drink moderately again, a binger should go "cold turkey" on all of their trigger foods, otherwise they will stay addicted forever.
2. The "forbidden fruit theory" - people binge because they don't allow themselves certain foods as a part of their daily diet. If you never allow yourself a small serving of, say, chocolate, and only eat it during binges, your brain will get more and more obsessed with the idea of chocolate and you'll start fantasising about it until you can't handle it anymore and binge.
A former therapist of mine actually contradicted himself in those two points all the time. If I proudly told him that I bought a bar of chocolate and succeeded in occaisonally incorporating a normal serving into my daily meal plan without binging on the whole bar, he went "nooo, you're addicted to sugar, if you're not going cold turkey you'll stay a bulimic forever". If I proudly told him that I succeeded in eating a clean diet and even declined the mini chocolate a friend gave me, he went "nooo, if you forbid yourself certain foods you'll only grow more obsessed about them, if you don't learn to eat a small treat every now and then you'll stay a bulimic forever" lol.
So what's your opinion about these? Have you tried one of the approaches and how has it worked for you?
(BTW, I'm only talking about binges that are triggered by food cravings here. I know that binges that serve as a coping mechanism or as a form of self harm are a different story - if you binge on random food because you don't have another way to deal with sadness/emptiness/loneliness/selfhatred/.../, of course going cold turkey on junk food won't do shit...)
[Discussion] Does anyone else diet for the privilege to do life goals?
/u/venetianrosequartz
Created: Thu May 24 07:36:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lsokx/does_anyone_else_diet_for_the_privilege_to_do/
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Weirdly phrased title, sorry. Basically what I mean is, I restrict and lose weight so I can allow myself to do things, especially major things
* I don't want to get married until I'm at my UGW
* Probably not even engaged until I'm a few goal weights down
* After SO graduates college with his master's we're moving to south Georgia or Florida. Because it's so hot and there's bikinis and tank tops and shorts I can't move there until I'm thin
* I've ALWAYYYS wanted to try pole dancing. But I'm too much of a blob and will look like a hippo on a pole
* etc.
I know it's toxic to let my ED rule my life about this but I genuinely feel so much anxiety and hatred about being seen and ESPECIALLY PHOTOGRAPHED while "fat" at these events/landmarks.
Does anyone relate?
Obsessive calorie counters, how do you count homemade food which calorie content changes drastically during preperation or storage?
/u/throwaway_ED_
Created: Thu May 24 07:13:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lsjba/obsessive_calorie_counters_how_do_you_count/
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Like deep-frying, fermentation, or drying.
Some friends of mine want me to cook falafel and I don't think I can get away with my usual method of preparing them (oven baking or pan frying them in 5 ml of oil). Let's face it, falafel are only REALLY good if you deep fry them or at least partly submerge them in hot oil. How do I figure out how much oil they soaked up during cooking?
At first, I thought I could just weigh them before and after frying, but then I realized that some of the water weight would probably evaporate during cooking... for example, if one falafel ball weighs 20 g before frying and 25 after, they COULD have soaked up 5 g of fat, but they also could have lost 5 g of water and soaked up 10 g of fat.
Would weighting the oil before and after frying work? But then I would need to be pretty careful to not spill anything and not to splash around too much while cooking... What do you guys do in these situations? Or do you just look up the calories for "falafel, deep fried" (or "french fries, deep fried" or "fried chicken" or "churros" or whatever you're frying) and use that?
I would also LOVE to make kombucha at home because I live for that shit and it's expensive as fuck in the store. But how can I figure out the calories? Basically, you use tea and a fuckton of sugar and then let the mixture get fermented by a special kombucha fungus. The fungus uses up a lot of the calories from the sugar and metabolises it into other stuff (mostly acids, CO2 and a very small amount of ethanol) and I don't know how to calculate how much... I could use a glucose testring strip to figure out how much sugar is still left after fermentation, but then I still wouldn't know how much of all the other byproducts are in there and ethanol has lots of calories. Or should I just play it safe and count all the calories from the sugar even if the fungus burnt most of them?
My third counting issue is stuff that dries out during storage. For example, fruit, veggies and especially bread will lose water and get lighter the longer you store them. Say, a 50g serving of fresh bread has 160 calories, but after a few days, 5g of water has evaporated, so now you need to weight out 45g to stay at 160 calories. What's the best way to figure out the change? Should I just slice up all the bread while it's still fresh and weight out the servings before they lost any water? I thought about slicing off a certain amount while it's fresh and weigh that every time I sliced off more to calculate the percentage of lost weight (so if my 50g slice only weights 45 g, I could assume that all of the bread lost 10% of its mass), but the single slice would probably dry out faster than the rest of the loaf :'( I guess I can only buy pre-sliced bread now, and all the slices need to be exactly the same size so the calories will always be the same, otherwise my obsessive-compulsive calorie counting will drive me M.A.D.
Same with fruit and veg: I can weigh out an apple when it's fresh and weigh it again after a week to calculate the percentage of weight the apples lost, but what if a smaller apple lost a bigger percentage due to the fat that its surface area is bigger in relation to its mass? Guess I need to weigh EVERY SINGLE of my apples (and bananas, and potatoes, and carrots, and...) while they're fresh and mark them with their weight. AND THEN I REMEMBER THAT CALORIE COUNTS ARE NOT EVEN ACCURATE AND I GET SOOOOOOOO ANXIOUS. For example, 100g of banana are supposed to be 90 calories, but what if my bananas are slightly riper than the average banana and contain more sugar and less starch? Or what if my apples are exceptionally watery, so they have less calories than the standard apple? AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ABOUT COMPANIES BEING ALLOWED TO BE INACCURATE ABOUT THEIR CALORIES BY 20 FUCKING PERCENT SO MY FROZEN "500 KCAL" MEAL MIGHT AS WELL BE 400 OR 600 AND I WILL NEVER KNOW
I will never know exactly how much I burn, either. How do you cope with this shit? Like 50% of my ED revolves around obsession with numbers and control. Just rounding up/overestimating doesn't work for me because it's not about staying under my goals, it's about knowing THE. EXACT. NUMBER. This sucks so much. My mental health has improved a lot over the last few weeks, but I feel like my calorie obsession will never change and I currently have a minor nervous breakdown over fucking falafel
TL;DR: Halp nothing will ever be accurate and everthing about calorie obsession sucks and I'll never be content, how 2 cope?
[Rant/Rave] Things that have triggered me in the last 48 hours
/u/idahobeachhouse
Created: Thu May 24 07:02:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lsgil/things_that_have_triggered_me_in_the_last_48_hours/
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- I volunteer every Wednesday and usually there are just two girls there who are heavier than me. It’s a sick ego boost, I know. But yesterday!! There was a new girl who almost 99% certainly had an ED. She had the gaunt, all I’ve had today is half a carrot stick and the aroma of coffee look about her. She was so fucking thin and tall. She’s not even my ideal body shape and i still wanted to die lol
-because of said girl, I went running afterwards and couldn’t finish. There’s this girl who is somehow always there whenever I workout and was just blasting away on the elliptical next to me. Like I’m panting like a dying pig and she’s just working away in cute workout clothes and a high pony. I’ve never wanted someone to fall off their machine more than I wanted her to
-one of my coworkers is a tiny Asian woman who is MAYBE 110 pounds. Every day we meet in the lunch room and talk about my food (aka the one meal I ever bring because it’s safe). Our boss came in and started talking about his own diet and commented that my coworker doesn’t need to diet because she’s rail thin and then!!! Just!!! Looked!!! At!!! Me!!! Like “but you do, you fat roly poly” i wanted to throw out my entire lunch, but because I am a fat roly poly, i ate it.
Feel free to add your own day to day triggers/ stories skinny girls on ellipticals WHO DONT EVEN PAUSE FOR WATER AHHHHHH
I want to eat breakfast
/u/ExceedinglySadKitty
Created: Thu May 24 06:49:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lsdni/i_want_to_eat_breakfast/
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But it turns out I have no idea how to make literally anything other than cold cereal, if that counts as making food.
I'm never going to make it on my own because I'm too scared of food to learn how to cook. I'm *actually* useless, like, wow.
[Intro] I finally weigh under 190lbs
/u/quipknit
Created: Thu May 24 06:27:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ls8rq/i_finally_weigh_under_190lbs/
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I’m not sure if I put the correct flair, but I guess this would be my introduction since I’ve mostly been a lurker. I made a new account just to post in here because my SO knows my main account; he’s the one who got me into using Reddit.
90% of my life, I was always average weight-wise. I was probably much thinner as a child, who knows. Family always commented on my “baby fat”, etc. I’m Asian, and looks are heavily judged in my culture.
I’ve had EDNOS for almost a decade.
But over the past couple years, I’d been on antidepressants that made me gain somewhere from 50-60 pounds. Putting me at my heaviest, 210. It put my BMI at severely obese because I’m around 5’2”. I stopped taking my meds. Don’t worry, I’m okay. Haven’t really had any major depressive periods since I stopped. Just nausea from no longer being on meds, but I use it as an excuse to not eat. People have never questioned it.
But I’ve lost some weight the last couple of months. And I’m finally under 190 again. I honestly thought it would never happen. My friends think I’m eating healthy and being more active. But I’ve actually been purging, fasting, and restricting every chance I get.
Sometimes I enjoy food. Sometimes it’s out of necessity to appease loved ones who know and to make them think I’m okay, so they don’t suspect anything.
I just want to be back at my old weight. I’ve kept my shorts and pants from back then. I gave everything else away. I was around a size 6-8. I could fit in a small, curves and all. I want to fit in my bikini from when I was at my smallest, my bra size was 36C.
I also wanted to say that if anyone ever wants to talk, I’m here.
At what BMI did your hip bones become apparent?
/u/SpeckledBalloon
Created: Thu May 24 06:24:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ls80l/at_what_bmi_did_your_hip_bones_become_apparent/
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[Rant/Rave] Fuck Recovery
/u/undertheweather123
Created: Thu May 24 06:14:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ls5ra/fuck_recovery/
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So after a particularly bad weekend last week, my initial plan was to fast for 7 days to give myself a break from even having to deal with food. I got a couple days in, and after a few comments from friends who realized I was not eating, I realized how messed up what I was doing/thinking really was. I decided to try to “recover” and eat like a normal person.
I lasted two days.
I don’t think you can really call that recovering, but in those two days I gained like three pounds.
So, I’m back to fasting today.
I hate this.
[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support May 24, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 24 06:11:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ls510/weekly_emotional_support_may_24_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 24, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 24 06:10:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ls4ro/daily_food_diary_may_24_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 24, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
my co-workers keep commenting on my lunches and I'm so close to screaming
/u/notsuitablefortwerk
Created: Thu May 24 06:02:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ls35q/my_coworkers_keep_commenting_on_my_lunches_and_im/
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I'm in the grip of another bad bout of ED\-shizz. I haven't restricted like this in over 8 years, but I'm working my way through it.
I work in quite a cosy department. We all get on, which I love, but they always talk about my food as a conversation piece and I'm trying not to be so triggered by it without having a meltdown and giving them my life story, which no one wants to hear.
The thing that drives me mad is I don't eat weird meals. They're small, but they're varied and normally traditional dishes, but they always ask ME, no one else, what I'm eating and I don't get why? It's always a comment like "Ooh, so what do we have today?" and look in my direction like I'm being naughty or something? Or a joke about my food that isn't funny, like deliberatly mispronouncing the name of a curry.
This is rude, right? Even if I didn't have an ED? What I eat just isn't interesting at all. I had a small cinnamon caramel wafer for a snack between meetings and one of them was like "They look nice, but they're like a 1000 calories". I'm not a purger, but really??? WHY SAY THIS? What was I supposed to feel from this comment? \(Also, it was 75 calories, because I only trust food in wrappers with the calories stated and never eat homemade snacks unless I make them, lol\).
What makes it even worse is I sit opposite a total fad dieter. He made a big joke out of me eating leftover chow mein noodles and not giving a fuck about my diet \(I had a tiny snack lunchbox of them\), but this is the same person who openly admits to loving eating, then failed to do a Clean9 package on day 3. His dietery habits are hardly great, so why comment on other people's?
Sorry for the rant, but I feel better posting here, than holding it in and crying in the toilet.
Has Anyone Done a Beer/Wine Mono?
/u/MrsBluebeard
Created: Thu May 24 05:51:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ls0ti/has_anyone_done_a_beerwine_mono/
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So this is kind of a joke post though it relates very much to what my ED has morphed into the past few years.
Has anyone done a beer/wine mono?
I believe I have and lemme tell you what a wild ride it is. Need to purge but can’t for some reason? Enough alcohol and you’re praying porcelain god all night? Out of laxatives but you’ve got a weak stomach? A six pack or two will loosen those bowels right up for ya. Kitchen full of food but you’re trying to restrict? Knock back a few bottles of wine, black out, and wake up to something burning in the oven-- but you passed out before getting to eat it. Have to attend a social gathering such as a family function or a friend’s party? Down enough wine coolers and you might get so belligerent no one will ever invite you back. The pressure to be social will all be but a distant memory.
Remember the calories in alcohol don’t count because counting is impossible when you’re shit-faced.
DAE do daily negative affirmations?
/u/idkwhaat
Created: Thu May 24 05:44:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lrz9p/dae_do_daily_negative_affirmations/
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I make sure to tell each part of my body on a consistent basis what an ugly, misshapen, piece of shit they are and how I hate them. I hurl insults at myself until I cry. Then, there’s always a part of my brain that goes “well that’s not true” or “it’s not that ugly” or wants to defend myself, and I make sure to shut that out quickly so that I can just feel berated and rejected by myself.
Lately my boobs have been getting the brunt of it (they’re fucked up looking). Does anyone else do anything similar to this or am I completely psycho lol
I'm climbing Mt. Everest
/u/rosycactus
Created: Thu May 24 04:44:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lrnu3/im_climbing_mt_everest/
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Ok no. But I googled if you weigh less at different altitudes. It said gravity at the top of Mt. Everest is only 99.72% that of sea level. Soo, I could burn all my carbs hiking it, barf from exhaustion, lose a limb or two to frost bite, and then take off .28% off my weight at the top! Nice!
Also, hi guys. I've posted only a few times on my main, but I come here daily. I opened this new account so I wouldn't feel so paranoid and actually start replying to topics.
[Rant/Rave] Just not going to buy groceries anymore
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Thu May 24 04:05:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lrgv6/just_not_going_to_buy_groceries_anymore/
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It's a waste of my time. Can't eat if I don't have anything to eat. I'll save money, I'll save calories and time. I just can't take this anymore and this is really the only valid option I see right now. I can't control enough so I just won't buy groceries. I'll slowly use up the few things I have left and then that's it. I have only some rice left and like some carrots so. It won't be long. Sorry for the rant i'm just in a bad place rn.
I cannot eat
/u/cryfer1
Created: Thu May 24 03:46:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lrdut/i_cannot_eat/
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I just can't. I don't know why. I don't want to lose weight. I just can't stand food. Any type. I've been to the doctor and they don't know why
Bronkaid - dud batch?
/u/rnyth
Created: Thu May 24 02:26:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lr1vg/bronkaid_dud_batch/
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I haven’t taken Bronkaid in over half a year, maybe longer, and I just ordered a new batch this week. I took one yesterday afternoon and felt nothing, took one an hour ago (the next morning), and nothing again. What do you think’s going on? Is there such a thing as a bad batch? I got it from the same supplier as I used to, and took it on an empty stomach which always worked in the past. :/
[Discussion] DAE feel guilty when they're forced to eat
/u/zeneith
Created: Thu May 24 02:09:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lqzg5/dae_feel_guilty_when_theyre_forced_to_eat/
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Lost 57lbs (26kg)in 5 months just by restricting. Want to lose about 33 more lbs (15kg). Currently at 154lbs/69.4kg, 5'7/171cm.
I've been dating this guy who while is the sweetest guy in the world, he's been adamant on me eating all 3 meals. I try to restrict as much as I can and don't want to disappoint him so i try to eat something small. Today he got angry when i only ate 2 cookies (100 cals) for breakfast and lunch and made me eat a normal meal.
I feel so guilty and disgusted with myself now. I'm a disgusting pig.
Recovery is hard :(
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Thu May 24 02:08:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lqz9x/recovery_is_hard/
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I'm getting fat as fuck again. I'm eating a lot and I'm still super hungry. Like i just ate but have this mental image of me baking eggs. Pants are getting tighter and all the fat is being stored in my abdomen :(
[Rant/Rave] I just wanna say how grateful I am for my friends
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Thu May 24 01:40:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lqv4p/i_just_wanna_say_how_grateful_i_am_for_my_friends/
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I've told a few friends of mine about my ED and they're all really 'supportive' (I lack a better word I'm sorry) Not in any way that they support me eating as less as possible and losing weight this way, but supportive in a really nice and sweet way. They always try to make sure that I eat a tiny breakfast and a bit of dinner, so I'll have enough energy to get through my day. They never offer me snacks (unless I ask for it) because they know that can cause a total breakdown for me. They give me their lunch when I need food to not pass out and I haven't brought any. They never push when I decline food even though I just told them I'm hungry and they offered me their food. They take me out to eat something and don't judge me at all when I pick the tiniest thing with the least calories possible.
I'm really grateful for them, because they don't push me to recover, but they do try to help me maintain my current situation and do my things as healthy as possible.
cold room=burn calories?
/u/li_hu_sh
Created: Thu May 24 01:27:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lqt2q/cold_roomburn_calories/
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Has anyone ever intentionally made themselves cold to try to burn more calories? I've recently gone out without jackets and I sit in the library next to the window to get closer to the cold air. Thoughts on this?
Not gonna weigh myself anymore
/u/littlestbaby
Created: Thu May 24 00:53:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lqn3t/not_gonna_weigh_myself_anymore/
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so i moved houses for a while and only brought the bare necessities, i had two bags with me and it felt great. i love minimalism. that’s kind of my schtick with food, too - minimalistic meals, very few ingredients, etc
sooo. i might be moving again soon and i thought of getting a scale because i feel naked (???) without it but like. it’s so big and bulky and i hate feeling like i need it.
when i lose weight i love feeling like i don’t need much - don’t need much food, like i’m more self sustainable. and the scale is so counter intuitive to that.
all i need for wls is to have my head on my shoulders lmao!!! it’s a super freeing feeling
and also truly different people look differently at the same weight (even if they have the same height) so what’s the point of knowing the exact numbers
you know??!
As someone whose seen all ED shows, this one was the most realistic
/u/fruitandfood
Created: Thu May 24 00:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lqlh8/as_someone_whose_seen_all_ed_shows_this_one_was/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2ntMjtrPkc
i binge bc i hate myself and after i binge i hate myself even more
/u/fairshine
Created: Thu May 24 00:32:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lqjri/i_binge_bc_i_hate_myself_and_after_i_binge_i_hate/
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just ate 1200 calories in one sitting, which is literally double my daily calorie goal because i felt fat and wanted to feel better!!!
and guess what!!! now i’m bloated, sick, full of cheese, and i hate myself even more
binging is the cruelest of mistresses
[Other] DAE feel sick or bloated when they eat at their TDEE?
/u/Odinheim
Created: Thu May 24 00:04:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lqf6s/dae_feel_sick_or_bloated_when_they_eat_at_their/
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Today was a rough day. I've been up since 4am with two small naps and I'm exhausted.
I had two tall cups of coffee this morning with heavy whipping cream to try to keep me full before a doctor appointment it took 7 hours to get to and get home from. Then when I got home, I had tea with sweet n low in it.
For dinner, I had 10oz of pork chop, and 4 eggs. All in all, about 1000 calories today. I feel fat, I feel nauseous, I'm tempted to go eject it. I dropped 11lbs in 2 weeks, I don't want my progress to go backwards.
Ugh.
**I AM A COW**
[Rant/Rave] Best friend apparently has ED
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Wed May 23 23:48:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lqc9q/best_friend_apparently_has_ed/
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so my best friend (who knows everything abt my ED) just told me that she has an ED. am i crazy in thinking that she doesn’t....? she went on adderal like 3 months ago and lost 20 pounds at one point. so she’s 113 now and was 125 and 5”6.5. she got down to 103 tho and switched medication. this girl doesn’t give two shits about food. when she went on adderal she just stopped eating bc her appetite was gone and so obviously her fat was burned, but now that she switched medications and gained a little (she’s still really skinny like i think she should gain like 5 pounds) ,she eats she just forgets to sometimes, doesn’t know what a calorie is, nothing red flaggy.
am i just jealous that she lost weight... IDK i feel like the worst friend ever bc i’m like 115 pounds and same height and SUPER athletic and kinda boney but i don’t wanna compete w her
[Discussion] Anyone else living with an ED and hypoglycemia/other condition?
/u/shes_toast
Created: Wed May 23 23:00:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lq3gv/anyone_else_living_with_an_ed_and/
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Hi y'all, I'm a long time lurker but first time poster. I wanted to ask if anyone else on here has hypoglycemia, chronic fatigue, or any other conditions that exacerbate their ED because I have crazy blood sugar and, oh boy, is it ever a wild ride.
I want to eat less. I want to eat as little as possible. But not eating is a rigged game I play against my body—I get tired, I get nauseous, I get brain fog, faint, physically weak, shaky. Some days I tough it out as long as I can, and nearly make it the whole day on coffee and milk. It almost inevitably ends with a binge, though, or at least what "feels like" a binge to me. And the kicker is that my body feels better after, but I feel self-hating, weak-willed. It's messed up, but I'm jealous of people who can go so long not eating without feeling completely dysfunctional. (Even though I know that's actually really rare.) I've also been having fatigue issues, but my blood tests have returned normal, meaning I either have some other latent health problem or my ED is really starting to wreak havoc on my body now that I'm in college full-time again.
If anyone else has this kind of issue, I would so love to hear anything at all about your experience. It's been rough lately.
Fasting
/u/Dingletringle2
Created: Wed May 23 22:52:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lq22u/fasting/
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DAE not get results when doing a water fast?
[Rant/rave] Binged when I was supposed to be fasting :( it started so innocently...
/u/pailblusea
Created: Wed May 23 22:46:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lq0tl/rantrave_binged_when_i_was_supposed_to_be_fasting/
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On mobile, can't flair.
So I was aiming for a 94 hour fast that I have been successful at many times now and today I was at hour 23 and going to take my usual vitamins and supplements except I got some new vitamins and this one has 100% daily iron in it. My old multivitamin just had 50% iron and never bothered me on an empty stomach so I didn't think this new one would. Big huge mistake.
An hour later in the shower I start feeling so nauseous and weak it's all I can do to get out and just lie down soaking wet and naked on my bed for 15 minutes trying to recover with the a/c on full blast. Thinking maybe it was the hot shower (and probably was to an extent) making me feel so bad I gather enough strength to get ready for work but every time I stand to do anything I go back to wanting to throw up and feeling so weak. I am getting ready for work at a hospital on night shift that is 12 hours of moving and being on my feet. I have never felt this bad. After an hour of not feeling any better I realize it must be the iron that is making me feel so awful. I have no choice but to break my fast and eat. 😣
I am running late to leave for work at this point and have fasted 25.5 hours and just to grab something quick I get a low calorie chocolate bar and shove it in my mouth. The binge monster has come out! Eating that much chocolate so fast just turns on a switch and I grab my other two bars and shovel them in my mouth no longer giving a damn and just taking in the binge feeling at the moment. 1020 calories right there. I didn't feel sick anymore but having to go to work and still wanting to binge I grab half a bag of pork rinds (seriously wtf...of all things) and shovel those in my mouth. 280 more calories. Up to 1300 now! I was NOT anticipating this 3 hours ago and in fact was ecstatic reaching my new LW feeling more motivated than EVER on my fast.
So I get to work still with my mind in binge mode and see the pregnant lady left out some Olive Garden breadsticks. I steal one. 300 cal? Nothing else left laying around but some shitty nutrigrain bars. Seriously this binge is *lame as fuck* but it's all there is. I eat SIX. 420 more calories. We're up to ~2000-2100 calories and it's only been 90 minutes. Well I gotta stop and get back to work now. Getting bloated and I am in physical pain!
Except can't stop the monster. I fucking order Mexican food from Uber Eats to be delivered. This is SO embarrassing but I can't stop. Three fish tacos (really?) and some cheese nacho beef stuff. The food was greasy and soggy...had NO flavor. Tasted like ass. 😡 I don't know how many calories total. I will ballpark and say 5000.
I decided to end this binge tonight at midnight now I am back to fasting and I don't know for how long. At least until Sunday I know that much.
It was such a great day until I fucked up taking iron. 🙁 crappiest binge food *ever*.
[Rant/Rave] This was a fucking fail of a day. I was unable to skip on dinner and it was pasta... I messed up. Fortunately I worked out but tomorrow is serious and hopefully eat less than 1000 and burn 500-700.
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Wed May 23 22:43:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lq0cw/this_was_a_fucking_fail_of_a_day_i_was_unable_to/
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https://i.redd.it/kp5u932xgqz01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Might sound weird but DAE not like to shower because you’re naked and hate your body?
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Wed May 23 22:38:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lpzcs/might_sound_weird_but_dae_not_like_to_shower/
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I know it’s strange but I’m currently dreading my shower because I had a bad eating day and I hate seeing myself naked and feeling naked. I can’t even take the towel off without feeling self-conscious while being completely ALONE. I fear anyone seeing me nude including myself.
I know I’m crazy.
[Intro] I think I belong here
/u/wawbeek
Created: Wed May 23 22:36:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lpyv7/i_think_i_belong_here/
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I guess this is an intro? Not quite sure.
I’ve struggled with eating problems in the past, and never really classified them as anything because I was never underweight and I was never purging. I just thought it was something everyone dealt with. For the last few weeks, I’ve identified more and more with the things people post here. The feelings of inadequacy and the desire to start to disappear especially ring a few bells.
Last night, I finally taught myself how to purge. Healthy? No. Did I finally feel like I’m almost in control? Yes. Did it make me feel better about eating too much at dinner? Of course not, but I have a weird sort of pride.
Maybe this isn’t on topic, maybe this doesn’t belong here, but reading everything you all post makes me feel like I can talk about this and not be harshly judged. So thanks <3
hi do i have a problem
/u/nekkedpebbl
Created: Wed May 23 22:11:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lptxh/hi_do_i_have_a_problem/
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hi there so i've been lurking for a while. i've always struggled in my relationship with food. i always felt bigger than my friends, possibly due to maturing much earlier than most of them. three years ago I wanted to drop some weight and went from 112 lbs \(my HW at the time\) to 98.8 lbs in one and a half months. i remember wanting to lose more because i had stubborn thigh fat and still couldn't get a thigh gap but i actually had collarbones and hipbones and a nice jawline. but during the school year, i didn't get as much exercise and kept eating so much whenever i would get home. i gained it all back within the first 3 months and maintained at 115 until the next summer. i've been going through this cycle where i keep losing and then gaining it back really quickly. i didn't know that eating until you puke and then going for a month on some grapes and a chocolate milk per day was disordered until i came across this subreddit. and finally i was able to put a name to my eating habits. i've been trying to lose before summer comes this time so that i can finally get back down to under 100lbs this time but i keep binging and ruining everything at the end of the day. i feel really fat and everyone i know is tiny... ugh i just want to be able to see my hipbones as well as i can when i lie on my back
[Discussion] What are some of the food/shopping rules you set for yourself?
/u/pointypoke
Created: Wed May 23 22:10:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lpttz/what_are_some_of_the_foodshopping_rules_you_set/
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[Discussion] Sweet taste in mouth while fasting?
/u/lenaxxbee
Created: Wed May 23 21:15:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lpi71/sweet_taste_in_mouth_while_fasting/
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On mobile. This is more of a discussion I guess.
So I’m only like 21 hours into a fast right now and this doesn’t normally happen to me, but I have this weird sweet taste in my mouth. Faintly reminiscent of light, sweet wine.
I googled it and apparently it means your body is entering ketosis, but again, I’ve only been fasting for 21 hours so far and the last food I ate was super carby. I feel like I can’t be in ketosis this soon.
I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how long it lasts and just your thoughts on it in general. It almost feels like an accomplishment to me (if the whole entering keto thing is true- I’m always wary of broscience surrounding keto)
DAE love stupid diets?
/u/ChasingHouse
Created: Wed May 23 21:04:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lpfk9/dae_love_stupid_diets/
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I’m on mobile so I can’t flair sorry!
Diets like the ABC diet, chocolate mono diet, baby food diet, boot camp diet, etc. I love them all!! I know it’s still cico but it’s so much fun to me to plan them out days/weeks in advance. Probably because there’s no doubt about what I’ll be eating, but I’ll spend hours planning a day for next week and researching the calories and where to get it and everything. It’s become my favourite hobby. Anyone else?
And if you have any more diets please leave them!! Thanks 🙏
Is it bad to take advantage of family who want to buy food during recovery?
/u/41420
Created: Wed May 23 20:56:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lpdkd/is_it_bad_to_take_advantage_of_family_who_want_to/
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Example: Ever since my mom noticed I'm eating more, she goes out of her way to buy me food whenever I ask and I'm sort of taking advantage of it... Is that bad? I just want free food.
What’s one good thing that happened to you this week?
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Wed May 23 20:39:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lp9ef/whats_one_good_thing_that_happened_to_you_this/
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This is off topic sorry
Life can really suck. Having an ED fucking sucks.
But it’s not all shitty
One good thing that happened to you this week?
Like even if it’s not a big deal, like anything a nice shower or a good cup of coffee, seeing a bird
For me it’s that there was a gopher in my backyard & he ate some grass, it was cute af
[Discussion] What’s the deal with r/anorexia?
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Wed May 23 19:59:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8loz95/whats_the_deal_with_ranorexia/
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Anyone know anything about r/anorexia? It says it’s a private community.
Anyone a part of it?
So I was watching the EDC livestream and...
/u/doublecouponn
Created: Wed May 23 19:06:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lomit/so_i_was_watching_the_edc_livestream_and/
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Okay which one of y’all had the totem saying: “is molly a carb?” LOL
[Rant/Rave] Groceries rant
/u/Chuckysbride103116
Created: Wed May 23 18:58:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lokmn/groceries_rant/
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Just got back from buying safe foods from ALDI, i can tell everyone in the house is judging my choices, they kept asking why i didn't just buy real foods instead of un perishable snacks and saying i buy barbie food, because it's all in small serving size packages. Fuck you guys!! Mind your own damn business!!!! I wish my husbands fam would go back home already, these are the longest 2 months of my life
[Rant/Rave] I'm so done
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Wed May 23 18:43:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8loh1a/im_so_done/
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I feel like I've been eating like a pig lately and it's putting a strain on my head. Makes me wanna restrict even harder. I don't feel normal anymore, I don't even think my body does either. I'm so done with this shit. I can't even tell my friends or family cause they wouldn't understand or they'd tell me to eat some more. I feel like a fat clown.
[Help] Does anyone have an idea of what this instagrams stars’ weight is?
/u/cityofstarlight
Created: Wed May 23 18:33:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8loekn/does_anyone_have_an_idea_of_what_this_instagrams/
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Please delete if not allowed!
My current goal is to find body goals that are something I genuinely feel is beautiful without being a weight/body type that would be impossible to replicate with my shape.
I follow this Instagram star that I think is absolute GOALS. She is healthy/fit looking and I think I should be focusing on achieving a look like that (because it is more like my body type) rather than some of the other beautiful looks I’ve been chasing that I have never been able to obtain and only make me feel hopeless and like a failure.
She’s 5’9 according to some websites which is only an inch taller than me. I was wondering if anyone had any idea of what she might weigh? I’m terrible at guessing weights but if someone has a good eye for that I would love to know what they thought!
Her Instagram account is called ‘daddyissues_’ (her name is in the bio of that page) but it’s her personal Instagram page that has all the pics of her (pink hair, stylish, basically all pics of her). I don’t know if I’m allowed to post her name so I’m not going to just in case, but you can find her personal insta by going through her meme page.
P.S if you want to laugh your ass off check out her meme page (daddyissues_) it is hilarious and self-loathing and everything I need in life!
[Discussion] DAE find it a bit hard to *not* tell people about your ED?
/u/SchtivanTheTrbl
Created: Wed May 23 18:19:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lobah/dae_find_it_a_bit_hard_to_not_tell_people_about/
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I feel like I'm constantly having to toe the line and keep my mouth shut about my messed up eating habits. Like, it feels like "I have an eating disorder" is always on the tip of my tongue. I don't want to talk about it with pretty much anyone, but it always seems like the conversation turns in that direction or something, and it's like, I have to be really careful about my word choice for fear that someone might find out.
And the shittiest thing is that I think a part of me *wants* people to know. I *want* people to find out, because then maybe someone will give a damn about me. But at the same time, I don't want ANYONE to know, because being open about it makes it feel less real. Like, if I talk about it then I'm just making it up for attention. I'm constantly afraid that if I talk about it it'll be invalidated because I don't fit the stereotypical Ana image; that nobody will believe me because I'm still fat, even though I'm only eating 500-600 cal a day.
Sorry about the long rant, but I feel like this community is the only place I can speak freely about it. Am I alone on this?
Even When My Whole World Isn't Revolving Around Food, It's Revolving Around Food
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Wed May 23 18:19:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lob2o/even_when_my_whole_world_isnt_revolving_around/
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I can't just relax. I started a binge but I have stopped myself from eating everything in sight and I'm just relaxing with a coke zero and a cigarette when my mother-in-law calls me to thaw some chicken and make chicken fajitas for dinner. This wouldn't upset me but it's literally all I do. I come home from work, clean up a bit, then I have to make dinner for the whole family and I'm normally the one trying to figure out what to make for dinner. It just drives me nuts because even in a moment of just complete solitude where I stopped a binge from getting bad and I was finally thinking about other things besides food and then BAM! She has to pull me right back in. I'm so tired of this.
Why did I do this
/u/gogobingegadget
Created: Wed May 23 17:32:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lo06y/why_did_i_do_this/
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I scheduled a 3d body scan at my gym. I dont know why I thought this was a good idea. Ive been trying to eat healthier and just work out a ton as a means of distracting myself from binge eating and whatnot. Alas, the lure of this ultimate body check was too strong.
But, guys. I have the weirdest friggin body type. Its all legs.
This is the result, for whoever is curious:
https://imgur.com/a/4y71pAc
22% body fat, and a 20.9 BMI
Im not kidding when I tell people that its hard to find jeans that fit. Im really trying to delude myself into not feeling bad right now. Ill just wear long skirts that hide my legs forever (just kidding, Im now committed to losing another 10 lbs of body fat because thats what the fitness trainer recommended...)
Don't know where to post, thank you guys
/u/Firerose157
Created: Wed May 23 17:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lnz7h/dont_know_where_to_post_thank_you_guys/
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Was expecting something to come in to get me ahead for the next few months at least, now it's probably going to the one person who doesn't need it and has been blowing money like it's nothing (no job, free place to live). Without transportation. Seeing my dad sick on and off constantly. Seeing my mom do this to herself. Ruining my relationships with my ED. Too sensitive. I am nothing but a problem. The ones I love are either destroying themselves or being taken down by my issues. Don't know anymore. Love you guys.
Weight loss app recommendations?
/u/ThermalAnvil
Created: Wed May 23 17:06:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lntuk/weight_loss_app_recommendations/
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Hey does anyone know of a weight loss app that lets you put in your weight multiple times a day? What is everyone using? I just downloaded MyFitnessPal, and HappyScale. But I want to keep track of my fasts too.
[Discussion] dae get upset when their food isn’t just as they wanted it to be?
/u/blankethugs
Created: Wed May 23 16:50:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lnpnx/dae_get_upset_when_their_food_isnt_just_as_they/
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my mom got me a blizzard from dairy queen today and instead of my usual mini cookie dough she got me this huge berry and cheesecake concoction, and i’m actually sobbing about it right now. i broke my 26 hour fast for this stupid blizzard and it’s not even the one i wanted. i was looking forward to it for HOURS and it’s not right.
i’ve cried so much today (because of a math teacher who hates me, a b on one of my finals, and general life frustration) and this is making it so much worse. my mom thinks i don’t like her very much anymore, and honestly, this kind of thing is why. i sound so petty but i’m truly upset over it. (now i’m even more upset because i accidentally typed my math teacher’s name when i was writing that sentence. why am i like this.)
CAN'T. STOP. BINGING.
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Wed May 23 16:22:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lnisy/cant_stop_binging/
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Uggghhh my SO got me a quarter pounder with cheese and I devoured it. And then I ate a whole bag of hot fries. And I'm just eating everything in sight. WHYYYY!!!???
[Rant/Rave] I accidentally drank regular soda.
/u/peoniesanddoubt
Created: Wed May 23 16:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lngbz/i_accidentally_drank_regular_soda/
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I am SO mad at myself. I buy ginger ale at Trader Joe’s and the diet and regular version cans look really similar. I wasn’t paying attention and drank TWO cans today before I realized it. That’s 320 calories. This was like.... a genuine fear of mine. FML.
DAE ever get this warning from MFP?
/u/pasamelacatsup
Created: Wed May 23 15:58:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lncdq/dae_ever_get_this_warning_from_mfp/
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https://imgur.com/vcqPkEz
PEAR MONO - REVIEW
/u/elevenosix__
Created: Wed May 23 15:36:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ln6mk/pear_mono_review/
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Hey everyone. So i did the pear mono for 3ish days.
First day was super hard. I didnt feel so good but i had 3 pears and 2L of water, also worked out.
Second day was okayish, but at night i started getting cravings. I had 2 pears and 2L of water. And then today was the absolute worse. I had 1 pear, and i started feeling horrible! My stomach was hurting so much, i was weak and felt like passing out. So i decided to make a healthy choice for a change and broke the mono with a soup.
All things considered, i lost 0.9kg, which is a lot considering i've been stuck at the same range of weight for over a month. So i'm happy with the results.
BDD but not the usual way. Tl;dr I'm literally a homunculus.
/u/Melusedek
Created: Wed May 23 15:34:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ln66a/bdd_but_not_the_usual_way_tldr_im_literally_a/
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So you guys ever have that feeling, for instance when you're laying in bed with your eyes closed trying to fall asleep and your body keeps changing size? Like one second my shoulders are huge and my torso is tiny, then the next second my knees are massive but my lower legs are practically nonexistent. At one point it felt like my hands were literally big enough to hold my head in my palm with the fingers touching. I even put my hand to my face to make sure (and ended up poking my self in the eye lol).
It's like my brain can't physically connect where my body is to the space it occupies. I'm pretty sure my brain thinks this is what I look like. https://imgur.com/a/vCjs5DG
BDD but not in the usual way? Literally feeling like a homunculus.
/u/Melusedek
Created: Wed May 23 15:27:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ln4b7/bdd_but_not_in_the_usual_way_literally_feeling/
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[removed]
[Discussion] Would you rather
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Wed May 23 15:13:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ln05w/would_you_rather/
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Would you rather miraculously wake up tomorrow with your ideal body but if you come withen 10 feet of a dog or cat it dies instantly.
Or you never gain or lose another pound your entire life no matter how much you eat. If you undereat you won't lose and if you spend the rest of your life binging you won't gain.
[Discussion] What do you guys wear in public when it's hot?
/u/nycthrowaway51
Created: Wed May 23 14:58:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lmw29/what_do_you_guys_wear_in_public_when_its_hot/
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I know this is probably a dumb question, but I'm asking because I'm having some conflicting opinions on what to wear personally. A part of me wants to show off my weight loss, which I know is kinda messed up, and another part wants to cover it up to avoid attracting attention or worry. Plus my school is cold but it's hot outside. So I'm curious what you guys wear.
And the purging continues
/u/MissMagus
Created: Wed May 23 14:46:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lmsc2/and_the_purging_continues/
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I don't even binge. I mean, I do...just stupid small shit...I just ate 2 or 3 stalks of celery, a tsp of frozen cool whip, a carrot, 2 bites of mashed potatos and two 5 calorie crackers. Then I taste tested every spice we had in the spice cabinet that contained salt....and ate like 2 tablespoons or more of plain stevia to counteract my mouth being on fire from the spices.
Then I drank a glass of water. I felt so sick. SO I THREW IT ALL UP. Or most of it. My stomach doesnt hurt anymore - but I'm a little terrified by the fact that I keep purging such small binges...or any food really.
I calculated it all out and it was less than 200 cals...and I hadn't eaten anything else today....but I didn't like how my stomach felt.
I'm going to the doctor on friday. Probably gonna mention my ED. It's getting out of hand. I'm scaring myself, and its literally all I can think about.
[Help] Is sushi high calories?
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Wed May 23 14:32:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lmo8m/is_sushi_high_calories/
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I got really hungry and decided that I was only going to eat sushi and no more. Does sushi have more than 1000 calories because that’s my limit. I had 3 hand rolls (one with salmon, snow crap and shrimp tempura).
[Help] Stomach gurgling?
/u/semperxvivum
Created: Wed May 23 14:26:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lmmry/stomach_gurgling/
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So I fast throughout every day and generally eat a small meal with my girlfriend at dinner. Lately, that meal causes crazy stomach gurgling noises - loud and definitely noticeable.
I passed them off as possibly being a new intolerance to dairy, which was going to be an awesome excuse for me to avoid the added calories of dairy around her - but then my stomach started singing the song of its people with my dairy-free dinner last night.
It's got to be because of fasting for roughly 20 hours a day before eating. Has anyone else had this problem? How can I make that not happen?
Do you ever look back at what you used to look like and just 🙃
/u/Egleriel
Created: Wed May 23 14:24:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lmly6/do_you_ever_look_back_at_what_you_used_to_look/
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I want to die guys. I used to weight so little... i was so thin. I am watching videos and looking at pictures of me at my lowest weight and you can see my muscles and bones under my skin. It looked bad, but I crave that look again.
I still thought I had some to lose then but I would give anything to be there now. I was so proud of myself (even if I still hated how I looked)... now im 50 pounds up and want to die. It's going to take me so long to get back down to where I was and it won't even be as easy because now I have a boyfriend and some friends and for some god awful reason having a social life makes it almost impossible to eat exactly what you want because everyone constantly wants to eat out and make food and they don't even know how to properly count calories in recipies or measure anything.
I wish I was just one of the "naturally thin". I wish I could eat tiny portions and be satisfied and not want more. I wish I didn't crave horrible junk food. I wish I hated eating, but I dont. I eat and eat and eat and I love food. And food clearly loves me because it likes to stay with me on my arms and legs and stomach.
I feel so hopeless... I almost want to cut ties with everyone and transfer to a new college all over again... it's like I'm trapped in a fat suit and I just can't get out. I'm suffocating. And I know I'm doing it to myself but I can't stop.
[Rant/Rave] Spiralling further and further into ED
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Wed May 23 13:56:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lme7i/spiralling_further_and_further_into_ed/
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My ED has pretty much always been restrictive, but with binge periods in between. (Like I did a post this week saying it was the first time I’ve been a week binge free! Still going strong woo) But I used to be able to have a day or two a week which I would “binge” which usually meant eating like a normal person would. Today was the first day of my period, and bc I have to take heavy painkillers I tend to allow myself to eat more on this time of the month and go easy on myself for a few days. But this disorder is sucking me deeper and deeper into its clutches and I’m growing to be afraid of eating. My mum did a grocery shop and bought lots of things I like (it was very kind of her!) most low cal like noodle soup, veggies. She bought me orange juice and it’s terrifying me. A box of juice shouldn’t be scary! Yet I’m sitting looking at it longingly, but knowing it’s fairly caloric means I can’t allow myself to have it. Rip. I wish I could be a normal person and not constantly focus on my body :( this is killing me
[Rant/Rave] GOD I’m so pissed (only sort of ed related)
/u/atexasgal
Created: Wed May 23 13:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lmcc3/god_im_so_pissed_only_sort_of_ed_related/
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what the fuck is wrong with people? Why do some people not understand that if I tell them not to touch me then they need to STOP
this boy has been harassing me all year after I rejected him and today on our way to French he was walking behind me and starts kicking the backs of my knees. I repeated “dude stop” or “don’t do that I don’t like that” like 5 times. He didn’t stop and I say “Jesus Christ stop fucking touching me what the fuck is your problem?!”
and what makes me the maddest is all the people around me were just like “oooooo” and “ chill out”. Why is it a problem with ME if somebody else won’t stop touching me and i lash out at them?!? why am I a crazy bitch for getting mad at somebody not respecting my personal space?
[Thinspo] Got called Thinspo
/u/sad_skelly
Created: Wed May 23 13:46:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lmbf5/got_called_thinspo/
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There's a girl in my class I've been texting lately and she has disordered eating, and she said that I am her thinspo.
I've been riding that high since this morning ❤
Coffee is perfect!
/u/supergirlofsteel
Created: Wed May 23 13:40:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lm9mr/coffee_is_perfect/
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Close to zero calories, makes me not want to eat, and it also is a "laxative" like drink. Man it's perfect!
[Rant/Rave] I just have no idea what I look like and I feel so fat and disgusting all the time
/u/he-likes-24
Created: Wed May 23 13:30:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lm6x8/i_just_have_no_idea_what_i_look_like_and_i_feel/
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I've been eating an average of 1400 calories this past month, so I gained four lbs \(went from 128 to 134 and it was traumatising\), and I just feel so much fatter. But like I can see my collar bones, shoulder and back bones, my ribs, just that I also feel really fat. I'm just so sad and repulsed by the way I look... Worst thing is, I was so happy with myself even just 3 weeks ago. I was finally at my goal weight and looked exactly the way I wanted. But when I try talking about how unhappy I am with my body, it immediately gets shut down because my family and friends say I'm thin. I sometimes just feel like I don't know what I look like. I feel huge and disgusting, but I don't know if I really am; maybe I'm wrong. I just don't know... And when I weighed 58kg \(128lbs\), I felt perfect, but, you know, not thin. Just normal\-bodied, even a bit on the rounder, 'fuller' side, but happy with it. Sometimes I feel like a fraud; like I don't really have an eating disorder; that I'm just a normal chubby girl trying to arrive to a normal, healthy, lower weight. But it's far too hard and distressing to be normal, I think. I just wish I knew 'what' I was. Like if I'm really, truly fat. I hate not being able to trust my own senses.
[Rant/Rave] Been a few months
/u/saintandserpent
Created: Wed May 23 13:21:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lm4cm/been_a_few_months/
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I just wanted to say I miss this sub - I’m in a bad place where either my body overrides my brain and I’m below the poverty line (which you think would be good for not eating but I’m watched like a hawk by my husband and we have to have the same dinner bc it’s cheaper to cook etc etc)
I just feel like, though I have anorexia, and my psychiatrist has told me, now I dont deserve to be here (which I KNOW is dumb) I feel embarrassed. And embarrassed for gainful 5lbs, afraid, all these dumb things.
Anyway! I miss you and your love and support that’s the main thing I wanted to say here haha. You’re all lovely and have and will be never anything but. 🖤🖤🖤
[Other] i feel like a stereotype today lol
/u/excitedsprout
Created: Wed May 23 13:12:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lm1xa/i_feel_like_a_stereotype_today_lol/
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i've only had coffee and an apple today and it reminds me of one of those starter kit memes. haha ya know it's like "anorexic starter pack: eating fruit for a meal, iv'ing coffee into your veins, being light-headed/shaky, 'no i'm fine, i ate before i came!'" i don't know why i just thought that was funny
[Tip] I need this in my life. 🐷🐖🐷🐖
/u/ryder-chan
Created: Wed May 23 12:56:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8llx1b/i_need_this_in_my_life/
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https://odditymall.com/oinking-pig-bag-clip
Escape doors from negative behavior
/u/bunnyalert
Created: Wed May 23 12:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8llw3v/escape_doors_from_negative_behavior/
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I wanted to share something that’s been helping me stick to my goals. Most of us have emergency plans for all sorts of things: fires, work situations, family, health. I realized recently that I can also make little emergency plans for negative behavior I fall into.
I struggle a LOT with binge eating disorder, so here are some examples of my “emergencies”.
I slipped up for a second and now I’m in a drive thru waiting to order and I can’t leave. I would ordinarily give in and order whatever disgusting binge food I crave.
Emergency plan: order diet soda, black coffee, fruit.
I’m in a check out line at a store and I feel my self control waning as I look at the candy bars. I would ordinarily try to buy just one, which would then trigger a massive binge later.
Emergency plan: buy mints or gum.
I know it sounds really simple, but just thinking about and planning these “escape routes” makes it so much easier in those vulnerable moments. It’s that much easier when I get a second of lucidity to say, nope, I’m going to follow the plan I made and get myself out of this little situation.
I seriously don’t care if I “waste” money on diet soda I already have at home, because the alternative in these vulnerable situations is wasting money AND gaining calories.
[Discussion] did you guys see this and what do you think? terrifying ;o;
/u/Jemjon
Created: Wed May 23 12:09:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lljko/did_you_guys_see_this_and_what_do_you_think/
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hSyIyFA2jks
[Discussion] Describe your perfect dream binge day!
/u/mina1200
Created: Wed May 23 11:39:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8llax9/describe_your_perfect_dream_binge_day/
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Bringing this back because I can’t stop thinking about food but I’ve already taken off all my makeup to prevent myself from going to the shared kitchen (things I do for control *sigh* ).
Please fuel my food imagination!!
My mother took the shirataki noodles I had made for myself...then spit it out in the trash
/u/verypetitbourgeois
Created: Wed May 23 11:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ll7bm/my_mother_took_the_shirataki_noodles_i_had_made/
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I cooked myself 200gr of shirataki noodles today, well seasoned, with some cauliflower and mushrooms. A total of 145 kcl and it was supposed to be for my lunch and dinner.
I ate the lunch part and left the rest on the stove so it would wait untill my dinner. I told my mother maybe 4 or 5 times yesterday + today not to touch my food especially if I cook it for myself. I very often cook just for her (out of pleasure) and I'm ready to cook her all the savoury dishes she wants as long as she doesnt touch MY meals.
First thing she did when she got home ? Took ALL that was left in the pan, put it in her bowl, tried it then spit it all back in the bowl and threw it in the trash.
I'm so mad. I wanted to yell at her but she was already obviously upset at something different and I didnt want it to turn into a huge fight.
I'm so mad though. It was my first time trying shirataki noodles today (and it was a success! I loved them!), those calories were calculated and it's not like that stuff is cheap!
[Rant/Rave] DAE here have scoliosis?
/u/warm_tamale
Created: Wed May 23 11:21:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ll5o6/dae_here_have_scoliosis/
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Mine isn’t severe but it’s enough that it’s rotated my chest. Its frustrating to see how lopsided my ribcage is when I’m laying on my back :(
[Rant/Rave] Anyone can have an ED
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Wed May 23 11:13:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ll39j/anyone_can_have_an_ed/
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I’m black and I have BDD and probably an ED. At school I’d try to explain it to other black people and they wouldn’t accept or understand it. Rather they’d just think of it as trying to assimilate to some white standard and that I should just love myself. But for me and anyone else with an ED it so much more. It’s an obsession, it’s an unhealthy coping skill. Like personally I hate my body, I hate having a body and want one to be as minimal as possible. I’ve been told I was thin my whole life and have to up keep it. That’s why I’m like this and everyone’s reason is different. So like, I just felt the need to rant about this because it left me feeling ostracized and misunderstood and I don’t want other people to feel like that.
[Rant/Rave] Can't fast as planned today
/u/obama_means_family
Created: Wed May 23 10:43:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lkuda/cant_fast_as_planned_today/
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Yesterday morning I ended a 35 hour fast. I restarted but then caved and ate again when I got home. I decided to just say screw it and restart my fast (idk why but I like to start at night, maybe it's leaving my room in the morning and already having +/-12 hours of progress). Now it's almost noon and I would be perfectly content shooting for my next goal of 50 hours but my sister is home today and she's making us lunch. I hate how such a normally thoughtful and enjoyable way to spend time with my sister is being ruined bc it's happening *now*. I could have eaten this meal yesterday and just had a maintenance day but I know that I'm weak and I'll justify eating later today so I'll wind up eating even more because of this...
[Research Study] What do you wish your therapists knew?
/u/xveritaserumx
Created: Wed May 23 10:33:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lkrjt/research_study_what_do_you_wish_your_therapists/
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Hey folks. I’m a therapist in training, and as part of my capstone I have to do a paper on a population that interests me. It is not an empirically funded research study in the traditional sense and will not be going through IRB; I simply need to interview some folks with eating disorders.
I - and many others - found issue with the research study that was published a few months ago, where a researcher picked out some comments from this sub (without letting people know which ones exactly she was going to use) and drew some... frustrating conclusions. One of the biggest gripes I heard and have seen in treatment is that therapists are not well equipped to treat individuals who don’t fit the “skinny WASP girl” stereotype. Ethnic minorities, the LGBTQIA+ population, individuals with trauma, etc. are all being underserved in the eating disorders treatment community.
I’d like to hear from some of you how your cultural background (and keep in mind this is inclusive of all types of culture - ethnic, gender identity, socioeconomic background, life circumstances) has influenced the development of your ED and what you wish treatment teams would understand. Maybe your family has always used food as a bandaid, and that has influenced your views towards nutrition. Maybe you grew up in poverty, and that has affected your hunger cues. Maybe you had significant trauma as a child that results in weight management NOT to look like a “cover model” but to feel control over your body. Whatever it is, I want to understand what your needs are.
No one will be identified by username, nor will this community be mentioned by name. I will not post your stats or anything sensitive. But if you are interested, I would love to take a few quotes to back up to claims I am making in my paper. You are welcome to comment directly below or PM me.
Thanks in advance <3
[Rant/Rave] the wacky existence of being anorexic with a sweet tooth
/u/ladytulips
Created: Wed May 23 10:32:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lkrgc/the_wacky_existence_of_being_anorexic_with_a/
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i asked my boyfriend if i could have candy for dinner tonight instead of food, he raised an eyebrow but said sure, if i could make him some quesadillas. he just thinks i really like candy, but in reality i’m getting more and more scared of full meals..
having a sweet tooth is the #1 way i conceal my eating disorder from people. i just skip eating breakfast and lunch, but bring some lollipops to eat when i’m hanging out with my friends, and BOOM, no suspicion!! a calorie is a calorie, and i’d rather have 500 cals of candy and an apple for the day, rather than a cooked meal. there’s a misconception that people with eating disorders are all scared of sweet foods and snacks. i’m scared of bananas and vegan yoghurt haha. it’s not logical, but eating disorders are such mindfucks. like do they know how much diet soda and halo top we can inhale? sometimes the misconceptions about eating disorders can work in our favor, and mask our behaviors.
now off to the kitchen to count and measure some skittles! life has taken a strange turn guys
[Help] Bod pod: I gained 10lbs of fat in 8 weeks
/u/FitCelery3
Created: Wed May 23 10:26:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lkpp2/bod_pod_i_gained_10lbs_of_fat_in_8_weeks/
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Look and see what 8 weeks of tendonitis (so no HIIT), a trauma, and tons of chocolate can do to you. [I didn't think it was possible. ](https://imgur.com/a/eP6A6PN)
I need help. Not therapy help, but real help getting my body back under control. I've recently been a lot better about eating, but my weight keeps on climbing.
[Discussion] DAE fantasize about going to an all-inclusive resort for a holiday and just bingeing/purging non-stop for a week?
/u/ineedtogetlighter
Created: Wed May 23 10:01:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lkiga/dae_fantasize_about_going_to_an_allinclusive/
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If I had loads more money, and felt just a tiny bit more reckless, I could really see myself doing this
[Other] Low calorie, but dense / high volume foods? (other than vegetables lol)
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Wed May 23 09:49:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lkf1d/low_calorie_but_dense_high_volume_foods_other/
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Sick of eating so many veggies, they're like water and they don't feel satisfying. I love rice and potatoes but so many calories!
[Rant/Rave] I feel horrible
/u/steamedbun_27
Created: Wed May 23 09:42:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lkd54/i_feel_horrible/
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Hi guys. Recently I applied to uni. The admissions process is really long - as of today, it’s been a month since I last went for the interview and I have so many people breathing down my neck. I have people insta dming me, pming me on twitter and sending me texts everyday. My cousin, who I trusted the most is the one person who is hellbent in knowing what the outcome is. Everytime I mention I’m stressed, he brings up uni and says, “so they haven’t got back to you huh?” I understand that he’s being concerned. But his words are laced with sympathy. He knows I hate that.
Anyway, that coupled with a few more other things really brought on a lot of stress. I have been struggling with my anxiety for awhile now. I don’t know when or how it came back, but I thought I had it under control. That was until yesterday. I had a panic attack. It was my worst episode in awhile.
Today my mum came home, and she spoke to me about uni again. I got slightly agitated and I told her that I am aware that I may not get in, and I have plans. She carried on telling me that I may still have a chance as the first window only closed today, and there’s still a second window. I broke, and I started crying and yelling and saying that I know, I just don’t wanna talk about it anymore. I told her I had a panic Attack yesterday and I felt like dying, and I even prayed to God that I could die but I survived. I even yelled and said, “everyone keeps asking me for my outcome, do you guys really care or are you just interested in my life?” The entire time I was saying stuff like that, I could clearly see her breaking as well and she was crying. She relented and told me that she’s my mum and I should be able to tell her everything.
I feel horrible because I NEVER act this way to my mum. Ever. Even during my national exams, I cried myself to sleep without ever breaking in front of her. It’s all so foreign. And I feel stupid bad because I know she’s aware of my ED too. I went to the kitchen and I saw two more bottles of Coke Zero. She never buys Coke Zero for me because 1) they’re too heavy to carry home 2) she doesn’t want to encourage my ED. Right now, she’s sleeping. And she’s asleep earlier than usual, because my stupid self made her so tired from crying. She usually listens to music before she sleeps. But she doesn’t now. I hate myself for doing this to her.
Tldr: got so stressed out, broke down in front of my mum and made her cry. Now I am feeling more useless than ever.
I don't think I'll ever love you the way you want me to
/u/raspberryfleur
Created: Wed May 23 09:22:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lk7id/i_dont_think_ill_ever_love_you_the_way_you_want/
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He says to me while looking at small Asian girls on Reddit. Just 10 minutes ago he was being all cuddly with me, kissing me, calling me beautiful and being intimate. I guess he lied and I'm stupid.
I guess I'm not good enough. I'm 109 pounds with a bmi of 18.9 and I'm still not good enough. Maybe if I was like those skinny Asian women he would love me.
Excuse me while I refuse to eat for the 3rd day in a row, I'd rather feel dizzy than sad. Maybe if I get skinny enough someone will give a fuck about me. I'm so ugly
[Other] When you order something online and you try it on thinking “wow this will look great when I’m 10 pounds lighter”...
/u/kein0815
Created: Wed May 23 09:16:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lk5s2/when_you_order_something_online_and_you_try_it_on/
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...but who am I kidding I have been in a binge phase for the last 3 months now and the only thing I lost is my will to live.
Confused about my Apple Watch calorie count
/u/2worried2care
Created: Wed May 23 09:13:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lk51s/confused_about_my_apple_watch_calorie_count/
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This morning I've been really productive. Tonight I'm going to a concert with my friend and staying in a hotel, so I'm anticipating drinking a lot and probably eating some foods I typically wouldn't in order to appear "normal." So this morning I walked about 0.5 miles to a place in town for a 60 minute spin class, which was super intense and I was drenched in sweat. Then I walked 0.5 miles home. I checked my Apple Watch to see how many calories I burned during the class and it says 396 calories. For some reason I feel like that's low? The bike in the class said over 500, which is probably too high. My heart rate averaged about 150 during the class, where my resting is a cool 45 bpm. Wouldn't I burn more calories for working my heart triple its resting, or is that not how it works?
I know this isn't really important, I'm just trying to balance alcohol/food tonight so that I don't gain 20 pounds overnight and want to completely die tomorrow.
I’m not worth anything when I eat
/u/disciple75
Created: Wed May 23 09:11:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lk4ka/im_not_worth_anything_when_i_eat/
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For the past few months or so (closer to four months), I have been struggling with what I have come to find out is BED—gluttony, essentially.
These have been the darkest times of my life, and it has taken me over almost. It has gotten to the point to where anytime that I eat, I almost literally eat anything and everything I can get my hands on.
The only time I am at peace is when I am fasting. If I am not fasting, I cannot function, in any area of my life. I can focus on work, studies, or just being a good human being in general.
For the past month or so, I have been stuck in a binge/fast cycle—to the point to where I binge nearly 5000 calories and fast for 3, 4, 5, 6 days...only to binge again. It is very difficult to get out of.
I have gained nearly 35ish pound in the past four months.
This is distracting me from my spiritual life, and every other aspect of my life as well. I can’t take it anymore. I just want to get out of this.
I’m 21 y/o male, btw.
Just looking for some guidance, I suppose
[Goal] 22 pounds away from GW! [please read]
/u/onthewaydownnn
Created: Wed May 23 08:47:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ljxs1/22_pounds_away_from_gw_please_read/
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New to this sub, new to reddit. Need friends and not judgement, this seems like an amazing community!!!
In 2016, I lost 65 pounds and hit my UGW and [I looked like this. ](https://imgur.com/a/LXECPOT) 😍 I was soooo stoked about it. I had planned on losing more weight, but I was so proud I made it to my goal. Like genuinely so proud. Had moments where I didn’t even hate myself or my reflection (what even is that now lol).
Then I moved, got engaged, started the pill (eff you, birth control. Quit that crap in 3 months.) got married, and in that one-year period, binged the shit out of my life and gained *48 FUCKING POUNDS!!!!* The number on the scale didn’t even seem real. 168. Really?????
At the end of April 2018, decided to hell with this. I’m shrinking again. And I’m *staying* there. Everyone’s opinions in my life mean nothing if I’m disgusted in my body. I want to be intimate with my husband. I want to take my clothes off and shower. I want to pick an outfit and not hate myself in it. I just. don’t. want. to. cry. when. I. wake. up. every. damn. day.
I’ve lost 17 pounds so far in May, and I [look like this. ](https://imgur.com/a/UEg2VXv) I know. I know. 😭 But I’m so past the point of shame, I’m just going for it. I’m so grossed out by my body.
I’m curious to see how my body looks at my goal weight of 120 lbs again. I have a feeling that it won’t look like it did in the first link of pictures above. In that case, I might need to build more muscle and lose more fat when I get there. But I’M ON THE WAY!!!!
I need all the encouragement, guys. Sorry for the essay. But I’m going to be posting some before/during pictures as I shrink, and how I’m going about my weight loss. 💘
DAE feel like it's easier to just not eat than to moderate sometimes?
/u/janearcade
Created: Wed May 23 08:35:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ljuba/dae_feel_like_its_easier_to_just_not_eat_than_to/
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[Rant/Rave] Frustrated
/u/hollywould83
Created: Wed May 23 08:18:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ljpw1/frustrated/
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Ok, I am going to psych/eating disorder specialist and I am nervous. Meal plans scare me since I have had the same eating habits all my life...i.e. picky, etc. My issue is I would overload calories during dinner which kept my weight up and have never really eaten more than 1 meal a day. I have never been able to... and I have never done snacks through the day. Body image issues and feeling fat since age 8. I can't deal when clothes are too tight or fitted now and my biggest issue is my 2 and a half year ago ride from hell trying to save my fiance. 144 days of total heartbreak..which resulted in PTSD. I just have never been comfortable with myself or any self worth. Just really angry
Recovering anorexic reveals how she saw her weight plummet to 75lbs
/u/PsychologicalSam12
Created: Wed May 23 08:07:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ljmvq/recovering_anorexic_reveals_how_she_saw_her/
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5761431/Recovering-anorexic-reveals-saw-weight-plummet-75lbs.html
[Rant/Rave] My Coworkers Party Too Much
/u/idahobeachhouse
Created: Wed May 23 07:30:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ljd99/my_coworkers_party_too_much/
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Every single week I feel like there’s another company event. Last week was a baby shower. In two weeks we’re having a potluck. After that there’s a happy hour. I just started last month so I want to participate but the idea of all this food!!! I’m also doing keto, so I can’t even take little portions because all the food is full of carbs!! I literally wish it was socially acceptable to not eat when everyone else is eating.
[Rant/Rave] I hate periods
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Wed May 23 06:26:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lixp3/i_hate_periods/
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Woke up this morning to see the scale hit 110.5! I was so happy. Gw1 reached! Then my period decided to come early and im riddled with cramps and nausea. I have these heavy duty painkillers to take but I have to eat to take them and I’m so conflicted bc I really wanna stay at 110 :( I know if I eat something it’ll spiral into a full blown binge and I really don’t want that aaaaaaaaaa
The Taylor Swift situation makes me sad (and angry)
/u/es_0
Created: Wed May 23 06:19:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8liwa0/the_taylor_swift_situation_makes_me_sad_and_angry/
---
Yesterday while commuting I picked up a newspaper and one main article in it was about Taylor Swift, her weight gain and the Internet's reaction to it.
I have to say, I don't really listen to her music, neither am I a fan of her (but I still kinda like and respect her, she's just not my style). Sometimes I like to dip into the mainstream music industry and just watch a few new music videos of current pop stars and see what they're up to. A few months ago I watched a new music video of Taylor and kinda thought to myself "Oh, she seems like she gained some weight but it looks great, it suits her". I especially noticed it because in the past, she was always known for being "too skinny". I think she looks good either way. She looks healthy as fuck to be honest.
But the article showed me how fucking cruel the Internet and certain people can be. She's a woman in her late twenties, not a cute teen pop star anymore and she's really not fat at all, she looks normal. I'd describe her body as "womanly". There is a twitter account dedicated to calling her fat, posting before and after pictures of her, retweeting nasty tweets. There's also a tweet that states: *"It still haunts me to my core that one girl in my group asked Taylor how she got so thick.. like I'm just so sick to my stomach about it cause the look on Taylor's face was so hurt and I've never seen her struggle for words ever anywhere like she did in this moment."* Even the fact that an European newspaper had an article about her weight gain just straight up baffles me.
Like... what the fuck? The same thing happened to Christina Aguilera and I think she handled it very well, her reaction was like a big "fuck you" to everyone criticizing her. But still... what the fuck. Why do people care so. fucking. much. if a famous person doesn't look like a straight up VS angel anymore? There's so much more to these people, their music, their performances and so on, but in the end they get reduced to their looks and weight. It's just sad.
I'd love to live in a world where the first thing people notice about you or judge you on isn't your appearance, but your achievements, your dreams, your character, your actions. Almost every day something happens that makes me sad that I can't separate my body from my mind when interacting with the outside world. The Taylor Swift situation was just a large scale example for the shitty situation we're all in.
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 23, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 23 06:12:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8liunm/daily_food_diary_may_23_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 23, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday May 23, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 23 06:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8liufm/way_to_go_wednesday_may_23_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for May 23, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Discussion] DAE feel like they can only stand eating “cute” Foods?
/u/bodybycoke
Created: Wed May 23 05:39:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8link4/dae_feel_like_they_can_only_stand_eating_cute/
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I tried to do Keto and couldn’t figure out what was giving me so much anxiety. But cooking and meat and fat made me feel gross. I missed cute little ice cream bars or girly fruit bowls that I could instagram if I wanted to. Baking feels dainty and grilling does not. I mean I know it’s all part of my ED, but am I the only one who feels that way about food aesthetic?
[Other] The Best Solution That helped me with my dissorders and many other things too. a must try
/u/detomaso2
Created: Wed May 23 05:26:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lil46/the_best_solution_that_helped_me_with_my/
---
https://mixi.mn/?a=140210&c=30&p=r
My BMI is in the “obese” category and I have an ED
/u/ThermalAnvil
Created: Wed May 23 05:10:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lihvq/my_bmi_is_in_the_obese_category_and_i_have_an_ed/
---
I’ve been on both sides of the ED scales. I’m 5’4, My lowest weight was 98 lbs and as I recovered from Ana I just kept eating :p my highest weight was 240. I dropped to 220 but two months ago I got a free all you can eat sushi pass and am at 232. My sushi eating days are now over :(
I’m prediabetic so I tell myself it’s okay to go back to Ana since it’s in the name of health. But I always end up binging anyways.
Current goal is 2 pounds loss a week (healthy) at 1,200 calories a day. For a goal weight of 130 (I just want something lower than an “overweight” BMI that would still be “normal” given water weight fluctuations.)
If I’m good I’ll get there in a year. The thing is if I’m bad I can get there a lot sooner! And no one cares if you have Ana when you’re 232 pounds, their just happy you’re losing weight. I’m really just trying to get the right frame of mind during this journey so when I reach 130 I can stop there! Cause I remember being 98 pounds and I remember I still felt fat!
[Rant/Rave] Wellness test anxiety
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Wed May 23 04:47:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lidib/wellness_test_anxiety/
---
So my work has a health insurance that gives you "points" if you live a healthy lifestyle and one of the requirements of maintaining the insurance is having weight, waist circumference, blood pressure, cholesterol, fasting glucose, etc tested annually. I weigh 6 lbs more than the last time I did this and mine is today. Freaking me the hell out.Uggghhh.. I've lost 10 lbs in the last month but jfc how did I let myself get here.
Vomiting Bug all weekend, gained 5lbs??
/u/RoryRichard
Created: Wed May 23 04:44:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lid3g/vomiting_bug_all_weekend_gained_5lbs/
---
Not even been having to restrict as nothing has been staying down - just managed a little bit of fruit juice the last couple of days so I didn’t literally wither away. Yet this morning, on the scales, I’ve gained FIVE FUCKING POUNDS. Someone please explain how this is even possible before I go mad 😭😭
Cracking open a cold one with the bois... Please help me
/u/Wigforfire
Created: Wed May 23 04:24:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8li9pn/cracking_open_a_cold_one_with_the_bois_please/
---
https://i.imgur.com/zOWuSfr.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I had to binge
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Wed May 23 04:16:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8li8a5/i_had_to_binge/
---
So from like Friday to Monday I was averaging 400-600 calories a day with little protein. The problem is recently I’ve been diagnosed as anemic. So I wake up for PHP yesterday and can’t move. Im weak, dizzy, just walking i feel like im gonna faint and I eventually collapsed on a bed after getting laundry. I then crawled back under my sheets and missed PHP and slept till 12. That was slightly better I managed to drive myself to subway and get a 6 inch and a donut. I felt terrible but physically felt better. I then had a fruit cup and two hard boiled eggs, putting me at 1000 calories.
Now that I know good sleep helps I’m gonna cut back down and just sleep a bunch.
[Other] My asshole is exploding
/u/losemore
Created: Wed May 23 03:13:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lhxw7/my_asshole_is_exploding/
---
Okay but who else gets fucking mad diarrhoea when they’re drunk.
I told my psychologist today of my fear of food and my purging habits. I'm freaking out
/u/takethisedandshoveit
Created: Wed May 23 02:52:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lhujq/i_told_my_psychologist_today_of_my_fear_of_food/
---
She told me if the purging didn't stop by the end of June she'd have to tell my parents and siblings. I can't calm down. I am afraid to death of food, and whenever I eat it I just can't bear it, I either have to make myself throw up or put up with the feelings of disgust with myself \(which is way too hard at least for me\). It's so fucked up and I don't know if I'll be able to stop in such a tiny amount of time.
Is it possible to stop purging completely or almost completely within a month? I don't want to lie to my therapist but I'd rather do that than to have my little brothers \(ages 10 and 13, bear in mind\) and my parents know about this.
This is my fave subreddit, the only place where people understand me
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Wed May 23 02:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lhu66/this_is_my_fave_subreddit_the_only_place_where/
---
I feel like I could post anything that I am feeling, living or experiencing and someone else on here has the same thoughts, I can always find someone who relates. No matter how crazy what I am saying is. Things that irl people just don't understand. Love this subreddit honestly.
i will look so weird when im skinny...
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Wed May 23 02:31:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lhrfn/i_will_look_so_weird_when_im_skinny/
---
i am assuming i will have bones sticking out even staying in the healthy bmi range, which isnt much of an issue because tbh thats my aesthetic, it will just look really odd in combination with my arms.... because theyre huge. i have thick, muscular arms. i have two logs with fingers at the end on the sides of my torso. theyre not the defined, toned kind of muscular - theyre really just thick and get thicker when i flex. (i lift and carry heavy things around the house regularly, no conscious effort into building muscle or anything.)
i will look, essentially, like an underweight girl with hulk hogan arms.
Wtf halo top
/u/meineschatzi
Created: Wed May 23 01:59:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lhmmj/wtf_halo_top/
---
I guess you guys have already realised this, but being in Australia, everything happens a little bit later. Some of the flavours have been upped in calories!! Mint chip is like a full 80 calories more, I’m bloody devastated.
Also saw a new flavour (for me) that’s chocolate bar or something? But it’s A LOT of calories and I’m sad that it’s too much for me to have :( someone tell me it’s super shit and not worth the calories.
Guess I’m just happy I paid attention to the labels and didn’t just buy my ol’ faithfuls.
[Rant/Rave] Laxative Addiction
/u/peanutbutterbananaa
Created: Wed May 23 01:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lhj3y/laxative_addiction/
---
side note - totally got locked out of my other account i used on here (peanutbutteredbanana) ugh
anyway. i am so pissed at myself. every time i hop on the scale and my weights gone up, its like an instinct for me to immediately go and dig out the laxatives. it’s like a form of punishment, but it has positive effects. i know i really need to stop because this has been happening for months but I’m not sure how to :(
i use them at least once a week and it’s really stressing me out everytime i do. im scared my body is going to end up relying on these stupid pills.
yay for using my summer time to chug water and take laxatives at 2:30 am!
[Help] ECA stack makes me sick
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Wed May 23 01:36:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lhiz9/eca_stack_makes_me_sick/
---
Does anyone have this problem where the ECA stack makes their stomach hurt and/or have a bad headache. I also feel faint and slightly dizzy. I’m slowly getting used to it, but it makes me feel like I need to eat an energy bar. What do you suggest?
How to make it seem like I eat a lot without actually eating a lot?
/u/stickbuggy
Created: Wed May 23 01:04:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lhd4f/how_to_make_it_seem_like_i_eat_a_lot_without/
---
Hey guys! My mom gets really concerned if she doesn’t see me eating a lot, so I was wondering if anyone had any foods that are high in volume but low in calories?
Btw I get adequate amounts of calories with my normal meals (I try for somewhere around 1200), this is simply me trying to appease my mom, because she expects me to eat a lot more than is healthy for me (especially if I’m trying to lose weight).
[Help] fasting app suggestion?
/u/murkybayonet
Created: Wed May 23 00:41:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lh93j/fasting_app_suggestion/
---
does anyone know of a fasting tracking app that you can hit “start” when you start and stop when you eat?
Most of the time i’m not sure how long my fast is going to be, but I would like to keep track of them.
:^/
Greatest sub on reddit
/u/lighterthanever
Created: Wed May 23 00:31:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lh7ho/greatest_sub_on_reddit/
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I just gotta say, I'm really proud and honored to be part of such an amazing community like this. I just re-entered the online ED community recently (was on LiveJournal many moons ago) and am so enamored of this sub and the people on it. No one is critical or pushing ED's, it's just a place where you can openly talk about your struggles. And I love posts where I see people talking about edging towards recovery and everyone is so supportive. Love all you guys ❤
Partner(s) appreciation post
/u/TheOrgazoid99
Created: Wed May 23 00:10:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lh3yr/partners_appreciation_post/
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[removed]
I don't want to go to Japan.
/u/taeyeons-comrade
Created: Tue May 22 23:53:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lh10o/i_dont_want_to_go_to_japan/
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I don't know why I decided to go. My friends are shorter and smaller than me, I'm going to be the biggest person there. I actually do like Japan and would like to see it but at the time, I dont want to physically be there with my large body for all to see. I wish I didn't need to be accepted and validated the way I do, especially by men. I wish I could separate myself from other people until they have no affect on me at all. The last thing I need is to have random thin dudes stare at me in shock at how manly I look. It's weird for me to feel like this since I love travel but there's my depressing rant.
[Other] I need to stop drinking/please help me survive Memorial Day Weekend.
/u/starvingbride
Created: Tue May 22 23:32:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lgx90/i_need_to_stop_drinkingplease_help_me_survive/
---
Some background: My fiancé and I had decided on Saturday we’d take a break from drinking. This was after I drank 75% of the whiskey we had, but I digress.
I’ll admit I don’t have the greatest relationship with alcohol. I love it, probably too much. Not to mention I come from a very long line of alcoholics so I guess it’s partly genetic.
But the calories are absolutely killing me. I can stop drinking for about two weeks until I’m ready to start again, but those two weeks sober are a huuuuuge struggle. I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m not drinking because I feel so bored!
With Memorial Day weekend coming up I’ve decided to fast until Friday evening (maybe Saturday evening depending on when we arrive to fiancé’s family cabin) except fiancé’s family always has plenty of food and wine to celebrate this weekend. Part of me wants to give in and just “treat myself” but a much larger part of me wants to stick to what I’ve been doing (aka one meal a day, basically.) how do I skip all of these family meals?
Most importantly though, fiancé’s family likes to drink. So how do I pass up the alcohol when I’m basically addicted? It’s easy to suggest “just having one glass” but 1) I love all alcohol and my judgement diminishes greatly after one drink and 2) my FMIL is the most stressful person to be around unless you’ve ingested a liter of vodka.
Does anyone have any suggestions??? I’m basically planning on claiming I’m not hungry for breakfast (since I don’t normally eat breakfast anyway), eating only fruits/veggies for lunch, and then eating a normal-ish dinner. I just don’t know how to get around the alcohol afterwards.
Is it stupid to ask if the fat is leaking out of my face? *No im not serious but kinda am lmao??*
/u/rxBootySlayer
Created: Tue May 22 23:23:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lgvm0/is_it_stupid_to_ask_if_the_fat_is_leaking_out_of/
---
So, I'm experiencing something weird... since I've reduced my intake of fatty foods and cut to one meal a day....my face seems to be considerably more oily and redder in appearance since I've started losing weight. (Down about 16/17 lbs)
Has anyone experienced this? Or am I just getting the acne I never had as a teenager? This is the worst my skin has been in my life and I don't know why.
[Help] i'm just being paranoid and dumb, right? rightttt!?
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Tue May 22 22:23:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lgk2y/im_just_being_paranoid_and_dumb_right_rightttt/
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i gave my SO an oil massage using a ton of coconut oil and now i'm convinced its absorbed through my hands and im gonna gain lol. please call me dumb ease my worries.
Donated blood today; spur of the moment.
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Tue May 22 21:34:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lg9wv/donated_blood_today_spur_of_the_moment/
---
So I'm just so excited because of the extra calories burned (spread out over time), on top of my restriction this week. (I love using "IF & keto" as an excuse to restrict calories, hate that I must look so huge to my family to get away with it) & I even got my cardio in today. Going to feel like complete shit tomorrow. (Hiking plans) Thankful for my ADHD meds right now.
Besides the small mental breakdown I had eating "lunch/dinner"(bless MFP), I'm just proud I resisted the oreos. I know if I ate them I wouldn't be able to stop.
Also the lightheadness is kinda a perk tbh.
Ways You Reward Yourself For Milestones?
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Tue May 22 21:34:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lg9u8/ways_you_reward_yourself_for_milestones/
---
So the 10 year anniversary of my dad's passing is this year and I'm planning on getting a tattoo for that but I also plan on getting a different tattoo because I reached my first goal weight. Once I get to my second goal weight, I plan on getting another. Then, a big one for my UGW! I know that's a lot of money but I've saved up so much money from not eating and put it toward each tattoo. And it's turned out to be a lot of money!!
So in what ways do you normally reward yourself for milestones???
Friends Ghosted Me Because Of My SO
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Tue May 22 21:17:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lg5vi/friends_ghosted_me_because_of_my_so/
---
I thought I was really close with all of them, especially my so-called best friend before he just completely stopped talking to me. It was so fucked up. Three months later, he decided he wants to talk again and says he has to say something to me and ONLY me and ONLY in person. So he meets me at a coffee shop because I was sure I was gonna need a large black coffee and a cigarette with all the bullshit I was about to hear.
He tells me my SO becomes an asshole when he drinks (I'm aware and have talked to him about it. He's cut back) and he always acts all macho and cool and he doesn't like that he can get insulting and patronizing and he regrets encouraging me to move out of my mom's house and I moved too fast.
My mom. Who was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. To my SO who not only spoils me but is very kind to me (when he doesn't drink). He has never been abusive, just a drunk prick sometimes. To which he says "the devil you know is better than the devil you don't". Meaning "at least you can *expect* to be abused by your narcissistic mother who put you through absolute hell and knew you were sexually abused by her boyfriend and did absolutely nothing."
If looks could kill, I would have been attending his wake by now. How *FUCKING* dare he. I'm so angry right now I can't even fucking think straight and I know this isn't ED related but honestly I needed to vent and also will probably restrict even *harder* because fuck me, right?
TL;DR: Learned a valuable lesson about friendship and how I can't depend on anyone but my fucking ED.
Oven Baked Original Potato Crisps - 120 calories per bag!
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Tue May 22 20:56:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lg0uj/oven_baked_original_potato_crisps_120_calories/
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https://www.walmart.com/ip/Lay-s-Oven-Baked-Original-Potato-Crisps-6-25-oz-Bag/28403753?athcpid=28403753&athpgid=athenaItemPage&athcgid=null&athznid=PWVAV&athieid=v0&athstid=CS002&athguid=466001f5-c320be6-5ad08f4468ad8011&athena=true
[Help] Terrified.
/u/elevenosix__
Created: Tue May 22 20:28:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lfu7l/terrified/
---
I cant live like this anymore. Everyday is a battle against my body. Against myself. Everyday is a battle against my own mind. When i wake up i feel fat, i feel horrible. I feel the need to weight myself. I let that number define me and go by my day. And its okay, until nighttime comes. I lose it. I breakdown and realize anorexia isnt the answer but i dont know if im ready to let it go just yet. I dont know what to do. Im tired. Im exhausted. Im starving. I need help. I want help. I miss me. I miss happy me. I miss who i used to be. I dont know what to do. I feel so lost and alone.
I think i just realized that i feel so much more comfortable being androgenous.
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Tue May 22 19:31:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lfh39/i_think_i_just_realized_that_i_feel_so_much_more/
---
I'm straight and cis but I've never really been comfortable with blatant femininity. I think when I'm at the high end of my weight range I try to compensate for my low self esteem by attempting to look girly but now that I'm getting close to my OG low weight and I'm letting myself dress with more freedom, im finding androgenous looks make me feel best about myself. I'm happy that I've realized this. It's a perfect time to start shaping my closit too because of the season change.
[Help] Inpatient experience? Melrose?
/u/nchlaz
Created: Tue May 22 19:13:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lfcp9/inpatient_experience_melrose/
---
Can anyone tell me what going inpatient is like? Do they force you to eat? Especiallyyyyy if you have any experience at the melrose center please lmk
Im panicking
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Tue May 22 19:07:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lfbft/im_panicking/
---
This is the first time I've ever B/P while counting calories. The only thing I needed to bring up was a peice of pie, it was bright red with cherries. It was only maybe ten minutes after that I purged and a mix of the meal I ate today came up (about 5 hours after consumption) and that was mostly it. A small portion of pie came up but I couldnt get any more out. I feel like shit I can still feel it in my stomach. I hate this. Technically I'm still at a decent deficit if I average it out over the past week but I'm really disappointed that I had to purge a relatively nutritous meal. I'm going to feel so foggy and grumpy all day tomorrow. FUCK MY LIFE. Today would've been perfect
Weiging 99 pounds at 5'5 1/2 inches tall bit having a scary bad cycle that litersklt sent me home from work early...
/u/DieNecrodancerKatze
Created: Tue May 22 19:07:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lfbaq/weiging_99_pounds_at_55_12_inches_tall_bit_having/
---
As it says, I got sick at work and had to leave mid day, I slept felt OK for a few hours now everything hurts worse. I don't want to take off tomorrow but I don't think I get a choice in that. Thanks endomitriosis for slapping me around... I know I'm off birth control but I need to keep my job... 🙀
[Help] I'm at my goal weight
/u/whats-the-point-ugh
Created: Tue May 22 19:06:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lfb6c/im_at_my_goal_weight/
---
I'm 5'4 and 109 pounds.
I achieved my goals. I got into nursing school. I own my own car. I got over my driving anxiety. Gave myself a makeover and turned from fat and awkward teen girl who everyone made fun of to the "fun, slim girl." I finally, have a job I love working in long term care. My goal is to help people with Alzheimer's. I really want to get into research. I already take extra Univeristy courses that focus on dementia for my learning. I do it for fun.
So if I'm small, slim, have a variety of hobbies and everyone says I'm a nice girl who means well, why haven't I had a date in years? Every guy I like and want to take it to the next level with rejects me because "I'm too good for them/don't want a relationship bur ur a good girl!!"
Fucking bullshit, I'm just not perfect enough for you. There is one guy who I liked a lot but he doesn't have a drivers licence, a high school drop out and he's super shy with women?? I like him a lot because otherwise we share a lot of hobbies :/ I never was able to find a guy I found attractive and have stuff in common. He knew me from when I was a 175lb bloated whale carcass and still found me attractive. My brains instantly attached it's so dumb
We hung out for a while and it seemed like he wanted something then said he won't go out with me :) :) yet still flirts with me fuck u he's been ghosted
I'm so pathetic for having thoughts of depression because I can't even get a boyfriend. What a fucking loser I am. Yes, I'm salty and jealous of people in relationships. No shame. I love seeing all my friends on Facebook with their boyfriends/finances while I'm here alone. I make an effort to go outside and be social when I'm not at work.
Maybe I need to be skinnier or something. I have these horrible thoughts in my head. I worry that if I let myself go and get fat again, I'll never find someone...I'll just end up back where I started which was fat and depressed. Being skinny and depressed isn't any better I guess
I thought that if I was slim, that I would feel better about myself. It's never enough. My first goal was 125, the weight I was before I dated my ex. Then it's 120. Lately it's been 110. Now I want 99. I'll never be happy.
I stopped restricting and purging for 6 months and now I'm back and worse than ever. I now only drink diet ice coffee and a small portion of chips and dip that comes to 400 cal a day. I love losing 4 pounds in a week but the happy feeling goes away when I realize how fat I look in the mirror. I think I'll be here for a while, I'd rather feel starvation than the feeling that nobody will love me
TL;DR this mental disorder will never allow me to be happy
[Help] I NEED HELP
/u/a-starving-artist
Created: Tue May 22 18:59:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lf9c4/i_need_help/
---
https://www.reddit.com/user/a-starving-artist/comments/89jiyi/falling_into_a_restriction_followed_by_binging/
400 pound man told me he wouldn't date a fat girl
/u/carlisam9797
Created: Tue May 22 18:27:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lf1zp/400_pound_man_told_me_he_wouldnt_date_a_fat_girl/
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This story popped into my head after reading another post so I thought I would share:
Last year I dated a guy who was maaaybe around 400 pounds \(no exaggeration\). I was at my thinnest. He's a big deal in the city where we live and has an awesome personality, so I totally overlooked the weight thing. Anyway, we were peoplewatching at dinner at a fancy steak place while he cooed about how I was "soooo his type". A group of girls of the same ethnicity walked past our table \(although about 20 years older than I am, chubby but not \~fat\~ per se, and dressed in stiff bodycons that weren't the most flattering\) and, wanting to test the "type" thing he kept going on about, I asked, "Well, what about them?" Without hesitation or an ounce of irony he said, "No! They're fat." My jaw dropped!
The double standards are so real :/ I will literally never give up the fight to be slim, people \(even morbidly obese people\) treat you so different.
Undeserving of Healthy Food
/u/imaginary_existence
Created: Tue May 22 18:16:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lez6t/undeserving_of_healthy_food/
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Does anyone else feel like they don't deserve any effort put into what they actually eat?
Like, yeah, I could go to the store to get vegetables, but there's already food here, and I can save money and time by simply subsisting on crackers and pickles. I've been really craving a salad, but I also feel like I don't deserve the cost and effort it takes to have one.
Shout out to baby food
/u/gaysnail
Created: Tue May 22 18:12:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ley89/shout_out_to_baby_food/
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Who gives a fuck what the label/marketing is. Low cal tasty fruit/veg pouches?? An entire bag of fruit/yogurt bites thats ~100 calories?? Sign me the fuck up
I've been going through phases of heavy restricting and eating only raw fruit/vegetables, then needing to eat shitty junk food for a while, and bounching back between the two extremes. Eating food that's not garbage in small portions/low calorie counts and not having the urge to go to extremes is amazing
Also quest bars and yasso pints, amazing
[Help] Appetite suppressing marijuana
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Tue May 22 18:08:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lex7l/appetite_suppressing_marijuana/
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Anyone know any strains of weed that suppress appetite?
Weed doesn’t make me super hungry but makes me just want to eat. It’s fine for when I’m going to bed but I’m looking for a sativa that suppresses appetite so I can actually smoke and do things instead of just pass out
I feel like I haven't lost anything but suddenly I realized I can wrap my fingers around my wrist.
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Tue May 22 18:05:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lewd6/i_feel_like_i_havent_lost_anything_but_suddenly_i/
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The scale says that I've lost about 18 pounds in the past months, but I've developed pretty bad body dysmorphia and never really saw the weight loss. Way back when I was at my highest weight, but hadn't developed my ED yet, I couldn't wrap my fingers around my wrist.
I just randomly remembered that and tried it. I can do it now, and it's not even close too. There's a legit gap. I can't really believe it now, because it's sort of like being confronted with your body dysmorphia.
[Rant/Rave] Misophonic Rant
/u/untroubledbyaspark
Created: Tue May 22 17:55:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8leu51/misophonic_rant/
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Why the absolute fuck do people at work feel like it's completely normal to chew loudly and hover over me. Pro tip: gum breath is not good breath, you smell sickly sweet and like you're trying to hide something. Also when I can hear you chew it makes me fucking murderous. Is there anyone in the world who isn't repulsed by this?
One of them is eating a fucking carrot stick right now. A FUCKING CARROT STICK. Carrots should be illegal in public.
At least it has nauseated me to the point where I just don't eat at work now. Works out nicely when it's 16hr days:)
[Rant/Rave] [Rave] Simply Sara on youtube
/u/pailblusea
Created: Tue May 22 17:54:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lettq/rave_simply_sara_on_youtube/
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On mobile, can't flair.
Anyone else watch these videos? I find them oddly fascinating and I sort of feel it helps my urges to binge. I think Sara is so sweet, too. Her weight helps me equate all the fatty (yet delicious looking) food with not wanting to eat it. Just a soothing vibe... Dunno how to explain it. 🙃
Miracle noodles makes ready to eat meals!
/u/GingerWithSunscreen
Created: Tue May 22 17:52:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8letfv/miracle_noodles_makes_ready_to_eat_meals/
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They are vegan and less than 200 calories! Theyve got flavours like pad thai, curry, and spaghetti.
[Discussion] PENPALS? 28 F based in the UK most people I know do not understand this part of me... anyone else in the same boat want a friend? :)
/u/jctyler
Created: Tue May 22 17:51:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8let40/penpals_28_f_based_in_the_uk_most_people_i_know/
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ED Psychonauts?
/u/xx420bluntymcbongxx
Created: Tue May 22 17:49:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8leso6/ed_psychonauts/
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I'm tripping quite comfortable on a lovely dosage of 4-AcO-DMT at the moment, and I was just wondering if there are any other psychonauts, acid heads, shroom goons or other lovers of drugs of the psychedelic nature here!
take it easy but take it, my lovelies!
[Rant/Rave] FUCK YEAH THE UNIVERSE IS ON MY SIDE FOR ONCE
/u/atexasgal
Created: Tue May 22 17:38:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8leq2l/fuck_yeah_the_universe_is_on_my_side_for_once/
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weighed in at 119 today while wearing a heavyass belt, jean shorts and a push up bra lol
my spreadsheet says I should be 122 with all my bingeing lately butttt I’m gonna ignore that
[Help] Fluctuating weight?
/u/DamnPolygalaceae
Created: Tue May 22 17:34:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lep5n/fluctuating_weight/
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I know that your weight will always differ but is it normal that I’ll weigh myself at night and I could be 2kg lighter than I was in the morning or 2kg heavier (depending if I eat during the day)
Is it water weight?? I don’t understand lol
[Goal] From now on, I’m gonna try and stop counting calories
/u/atexasgal
Created: Tue May 22 17:23:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lemgh/from_now_on_im_gonna_try_and_stop_counting/
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lol but it’s not cause I want to recover
I just want to be one of those cute “naturally very very skinny” people
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel really weird about feeling full at low restriction?
/u/vucio72
Created: Tue May 22 17:23:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lemeu/dae_feel_really_weird_about_feeling_full_at_low/
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For the last few days I have been super duper anxious and unintentionally eating \<500cals but not feeling hungry at all. It's been weird I guess, but also no one really notices which is both nice and not nice because I guess a part of me wants someone \(SO, coworkers, w/e\) to notice that I'm not really doing so hot? even though I've lost 2 lbs in the last 3 days which is great lol. But also I'm not physically uncomfortable at all, so it makes me feel more anxious and like like I'm headed down a potentially bad road. But again, I'm getting hella results. Man, this conflicted feeling has me really fucked up I guess lol.
[Goal] A very weird victory...
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Tue May 22 17:10:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lejey/a_very_weird_victory/
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The only pair of pants I feel comfortable in are wearing out, and at first I was really upset because the only pair of these same pants I could find are a size down from the size I need. But then I realized that the place where it’s wearing out are my butt bones. My butt is so boney that it’s wearing out my pants. And as a girl who has a huge (lol) problem with her lower half, something about that feels weirdly comforting and exciting. I thought if you anyone would understand it would be you all.
[Discussion] It's incredible how long it took to come to a decision for dinner and this is it. Pacing, sweating, opening and closing the fridge. And THIS is what I decide. I love my ED (sometimes) but this part sucks.
/u/megamorphaseez
Created: Tue May 22 17:08:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8leiwz/its_incredible_how_long_it_took_to_come_to_a/
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https://i.redd.it/r9wdk1k7ohz01.jpg
A fun way to stop yourself from binging!
/u/luckyfuckingpenny
Created: Tue May 22 17:00:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8legq4/a_fun_way_to_stop_yourself_from_binging/
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Enroll in an intense, 8-week microbiology class over the summer. Every class is five goddamn hours long. You can't eat or drink anything the entire time. The class is full of thin, beautiful, successful women, half of whom are at your dream school in your dream program. Wear your stupid, shapeless lab coat that makes you look like a sausage covered in deflated whipped cream for 5 hours while looking at all these tiny, in shape, happy people.
Go home planning to binge because you're a fat piece of shit so WHY NOT, but a sad song comes on shuffle in the car on the drive home, and then you get home literally too depressed and tired to even stand over the sink eating everything in sight, so you'll just crawl into bed having completed your effortless 24 hour fast, because you have an 8am class you need to be up early for tomorrow, and what's the fucking point anyway.
Slow healing
/u/Poopoodemons
Created: Tue May 22 16:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lec8u/slow_healing/
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Anyone else notice they heal really slowly while restricting? I eat around 600-800cal a day for the past 2 months? I have a scab on my knuckle that’s been there for weeks.. and a skin infection on my nipple that’s been there for almost a month. Is this a thing or am I crazy?
[Mood] When y'all say relapsed you mean into ED. When I say relapsed, I mean into regular eating. :(
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Tue May 22 16:25:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8le7z4/mood_when_yall_say_relapsed_you_mean_into_ed_when/
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[Discussion] Nootropics anyone?
/u/coconutfi
Created: Tue May 22 16:18:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8le5wa/nootropics_anyone/
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Many different nootropics claim they can improve focus, increase energy, increase well-being, reduce anxiety and more.
All of these things reduce appetite and the need to binge. Although I don't want to promote this to people who heavily restrict because idk if these would wreak havoc if you weren't getting proper nutrition. I also don't want to promote this at all because I know there are adverse reactions and the long-term effects are unknown, but I did want to hear if anyone has tried them.
[Rant/Rave] Food I can't buy
/u/handzies
Created: Tue May 22 16:12:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8le4dt/food_i_cant_buy/
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Both wow and yikes. Ive been trying to buy chicken to cook for a week. I cant do it. I walk in the store stare at it, get anxious and buy another vegtable. It's fine if other people prepare it for me and its people I love. But for myself, no way.
Like, having a panic attack and buying a sweet potato about it is not solving my problems. I am still only eating safe food. Like good luck prying this really disordered version of veganism from my cold malnourish hands MoFo. It's not even on purpose anymore.
I go to the store saying in going to buy protein and iron rich foods but then my brain js like WHOOPS did you mean a water melon? Did you mean cauliflower and lettuce? How about we leave as fast as possible?
It's getting creepy and repeative. Its just some girl wearing a fucking sleeping bag stareing at the meat section looking very concerned talking to herself.
Some one help me think of a alternative or a way to trick myself into doing this.
DAE watch tiny food videos an think "I could eat the without obsessing over the calories in that tiny cake"?
/u/shiveryourselfskinny
Created: Tue May 22 16:04:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8le299/dae_watch_tiny_food_videos_an_think_i_could_eat/
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I watch a lot of food videos (contrary to many people, they make me feel full) and I came across tiny kitchen videos and now all I can think is that if I took normal meals and made them tiny that I could eat "normal meals" and get the taste but not have to worry about calories....
Finding energy for exercise
/u/idahobeachhouse
Created: Tue May 22 16:02:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8le1qz/finding_energy_for_exercise/
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I’m want to get back into exercising because when I did it for 4 weeks straight, I felt ~healthy~ (even tho I was eating 1500 calories a day lmaaaoooo) but I’m eating <800 a day, averaging around 600 a day. I’m exhausted right now and don’t feel like working out but I REALLY want to. How do you find the energy to work out even when you’re really tired?
[Rant/Rave] Friends’ idea of ‘fun’ is eating out
/u/jacquesve
Created: Tue May 22 15:50:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ldyck/friends_idea_of_fun_is_eating_out/
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And I’m so sick of it. They say it’s dinner but it’s basically just binging on a shitload of carbs. They’re the types to comment and insist I eat more if they see me eating smaller portions or to guilt me into eating more than what I planned and want to. I’m restricting right now so it’s not ideal and I can’t flake so all of my efforts to lose weight this week are just going to go to waste.
I love my friends but I hate being fat and getting fatter. So it’s a bit of a pisstake that having them around gives me no other choice but to be fat.
[Rant/Rave] Mom telling me I’m going to get fat
/u/Scarab-Beetle
Created: Tue May 22 15:50:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ldy9a/mom_telling_me_im_going_to_get_fat/
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My sister makes no bake cookies and I had two or three this morning with a bowl of cereal. Well after not eating since 10am and it’s 5:46 now, I get a glass of milk and the container and plan to eat two more.
Well then my mother said I’m going to become diabetic and gain weight and then I explained to her I have eaten well below maintenance and it didn’t register with her. She’s one of the people that doesn’t understand this kind of stuff.
Then my eldest sister butted in and said “Mom, do you want to give her an eating disorder?”
I’ve been off in college so they haven’t seen how little I eat and that I’ve slowly gotten back into my disordered eating patterns.
I felt so disgusting after my mother said that stuff to me. She doesn’t seem to know how much that kind of talk affects me. It kinda killed what I have left of an appetite. I’m going to still eat them because fuck her I’m losing weight with my current eating habits.. what does she know anyway.
[Help] On vacation, it’s been three days and i’ve gained 6 pounds?
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Tue May 22 15:45:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ldwt8/on_vacation_its_been_three_days_and_ive_gained_6/
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Okay so I’m literally bugging out right now.
I’ve been restricting to <500 for weeks now and I’ve been doing *so* good. I am now on vacation and I’ve actually haven’t binged since this vacation started. I’ve been doing my best to log everything into MFP and I haven’t gone over 1,000 cals- yesterday I stayed under 700. I got on the scale at my friend’s house last night and my weight had shot up 6 pounds.
This seems IMPOSSIBLE to me... I’ve only been here for three days, I know some of it is water weight but holy shit that was the worst I’ve felt in so long.
I have 5 more days of vacation left and I am obsessing over the fucking 6 pounds on the scale. I know I’m going to be eating more too and I can’t exactly fast when I’m surrounded by my concerned friends. Help.
How can you tell if you have a small or large frame?
/u/taeyeons-comrade
Created: Tue May 22 15:35:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ldubx/how_can_you_tell_if_you_have_a_small_or_large/
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Is this just something you figure out once you are at a low enough weight? You do you determine was a small or big frame is? I have small wrists and my bones don't really show that easily but I feel like at the same time, my shoulders are kind of wide and I'm 5'6. Is there a formula for this?
I feel like shit about muffins I haven’t even eaten
/u/Wigforfire
Created: Tue May 22 15:35:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ldu40/i_feel_like_shit_about_muffins_i_havent_even_eaten/
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They’re just sitting there; four orange cranberry muffins in a plastic container, on the kitchen table and I’m leaning against the far corner kitchen counter with my coffee just... staring at them. I got them 2 hours ago and I already convinced myself I didn’t want them immediately upon seeing the bold calorie sticker plastered to the front “540 calories per jumbo muffin” as if it’s proclaiming it, as if they’re proud of themselves. But I’m supposed to be making my relapse come back, I’m supposed to be gaining, and my boyfriend knows that. So we bickered quietly before I flat out refused to eat 540 calories for a snack because even if I’m gaining im still not packing on the pounds, and he made the compromise that I would have half of one whenever I felt like having one.
I put them in my basket with my lean cut pork and veggies, walked up to the cashier, and paid for my groceries without saying much of anything. I mean what is there to say? Honestly? That I am a horrendous excuse for a human being, that’s a start. A normal person wouldn’t have even cared, but me? I’m in the midst of an anxiety attack and I have to take a Xanax because I bought fucking muffins and I haven’t even eaten one. And what’s worse? I will probably never eat one of these god damned muffins. I’ll just continue to stare at them until I am as old and rotted as they are; until my boyfriend breaks up with me because I’m not normal anymore, because I can feel my thighs getting fatter without even putting a crumb of these muffins into my mouth.
So if anyone is looking for me, I’m in my kitchen wasting away with the muffins I now own and will probably die with.
[Discussion] new diet!!!!!!
/u/fuckingeffy
Created: Tue May 22 15:23:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ldqy1/new_diet/
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started my new diet today! only eating baby food for the next 20 days. 😇 two cans a day, that's it. (well, kind of. i bought dried apple chips and baby rice cereal as well if i'm like really starving) i'm hoping to lose a pound a day. anyone else starting new diets today?? [here's my haul! ](https://imgur.com/a/hEpmfJ1) baby food is SO yummy honestly, and i eat it with a baby spoon. i feel so cute when i eat it! it's the one food i can eat without feeling guilty.
Seeing my GP tomorrow - pray for me...
/u/captain_peanutbutter
Created: Tue May 22 15:22:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ldqnj/seeing_my_gp_tomorrow_pray_for_me/
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So I'm going to the doctor tomorrow morning, to try and (hopefully) get a formal diagnosis for my ED and access to a counsellor/therapist of some kind, and I'm absolutely bricking it right now. Anyone else who's done this by themselves, what kind of thing can I expect? I don't have anyone to go with me so I'll be doing this on my own (hence the nerves). Some good vibes would be much appreciated...
How do you fit alcohol into your allowance?
/u/katieburrito
Created: Tue May 22 15:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ldnt3/how_do_you_fit_alcohol_into_your_allowance/
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I have friends coming over tonight and they usually drink beers and I do have vodka for myself, but it’s still 60 calories that could be going to food ya know? How do you all fit alcohol into your calorie allowance?
[Rant/Rave] Birthday binging
/u/Tonilier
Created: Tue May 22 14:55:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ldj62/birthday_binging/
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Today's my birthday and I thought fuck it, I'm not gonna count calories, I'm gonna have fun today. Cue a 3500 cal binge and now I hate myself, and I have no opportunity to purge. I feel so goddamn disgusting why do I have no control I was meant to enjoy myself today and now I feel worse than ever..
Pokemon go
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Tue May 22 14:45:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ldgic/pokemon_go/
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Pokemon go is my holy grail for motivation to work out. I'm too weak and embarrassed to go to the gym so instead I'll walk around my city for a few hours playing pokemon go. It's fun and distracting so I barely even notice how far I'm walking. Helps me do at least 10k steps a day, easy. Anyone else do this? I've never seen anyone talk about it.
[Rant/Rave] feel like i'm in a constant tug of war with my body...
/u/xxxrxrrv
Created: Tue May 22 14:44:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ldfzs/feel_like_im_in_a_constant_tug_of_war_with_my_body/
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and i'm just so tired!
i've always dealt with restrictive ed issues and bad body image, and relapsed around february after being recovered for a loong time. for the first few months i dropped weight at a consistent rate and didn't have too hard of a time restricting, but for the past couple of weeks i feel like i've just been losing and regaining the same 3ish pounds and i can't stand it anymore. my original gw to reach by june 1st was 110, but i broke that and still wasn't happy \(lol shocker\) and decided to bump my goal down to 105.
since then i feel like i've been constantly bouncing between like 108.5 and 111.5. i have really good, consistent work weeks \(monday\-friday\) of restricting, eating super healthy food and working out every day. i hit low weights on thursdays/fridays and feel great, but then the weekends always turn into progress\-wrecking nightmares. i either have social plans \(which always revolve around food\) where i let myself eat way too much, or i decide to go easy on myself for a day because "i had a good week" or whatever excuse. inevitably, the one or two treats i try to plan and control lead to a massive binge of everything i can find in my kitchen \(which is dangerous because i can't stand wasting food, so i have some junk food hoarded away\).
i feel like i'm just in a cycle of endlessly fighting with my body and i don't know what to do anymore.
on "good" days \(or after a few "good" days\) of restricting and exercising, etc i feel great and in control. i see results that make me happy and motivated. but i keep sabotaging myself!! i don't want to completely eliminate treats or go\-easy days, for the sake of my mental health and making this weight loss sustainable long\-term, but it seems like they just trigger me to totally lose my shit and eat uncontrollably until it hurts. i'm tired of spending the first half of every week doing damage control from the weekend, but i never learn or change.
logically, i know i should probably up my calories slightly during the week and be more balanced in general so i don't go wildly binging out of control from one taste of sugar or carbs, but that would mean slowing down my plan and i get too much gratification out of seeing quick results from fasting and low restriction. :\(
UGH i just wish i could keep losing at the rate i did for the first few months of this relapse. i feel stuck. i feel like my body is fighting me so hard to not lose any more weight, even though i still feel disgusting and huge and i know i have plenty of fat to lose.
realistically, i know it's just my lack of self control when it comes to weekends and junk food \- not actually my body revolting against me. i just wish it weren't so hard. i wish i weren't so damn obsessed with any of this stuff. i'm so tired of living like this but feeling like i basically have nothing to show for my struggles because i'm not thin enough yet.
anyway, if you've gotten this far, thanks for reading my rant and i hope you're having a wonderful day c: \<3
[Help] how to get bronkaid? / OTC medication
/u/gothbaseball
Created: Tue May 22 14:36:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lddwc/how_to_get_bronkaid_otc_medication/
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Ok this is probably a really stupid question but basically I’ve never gotten OTC meds before and talking to people is scary
I live in America, and I think CVS probably has it? but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, just walk up to the pharmacy counter and ask for it?
Do I say why, pretend I have asthma, something ?? Do I need to show ID? (Im old enough to drink so obviously I should be old enough for buy asthma meds!!) I’m just so scared of looking stupid LOL
and the CVS is in a busy area so there are always people around, picking up prescriptions, that kind of thing. The pharmacy has multiple windows so I don’t even know which one to go to...
I’m way over thinking this. I’m sorry my anxiety makes such simple tasks so hard!
How did your parents react?
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Tue May 22 14:21:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ld9ba/how_did_your_parents_react/
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When your parents found out about your ED how did they react? How did they find out?
My scale was right all along!!
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Tue May 22 14:12:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ld6s9/my_scale_was_right_all_along/
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Omggg so last year, my mum told me our scale was wrong and took away 2 kilos from your weight. So every time we would weigh we would mentally add 2 kilograms..
and today, I got the idea to test how much the scale was *actually* fucking me over. I put two 2.5 bags of rice, and lo and behold.. 5 kilograms! It was correct all along, and my BMI is actually a whole 0.5 less than I thought it was!
I'm so happy about this.
[Help] I’m so fucking anxious all the time
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Tue May 22 13:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ld1nt/im_so_fucking_anxious_all_the_time/
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I haven’t been diagnosed with anxiety but I’m pretty sure that’s what I’ve been feeling constantly.
My ed has been pretty full force lately and I can’t stop thinking about my weight and food and if I should eat or if I should fast and if I want to maintain or lose. These thoughts are CONSTANTLY running through my mind.
I just want to turn my brain off. It’s so exhausting. Especially if I spend all day telling myself I’m going to fast and then night comes and I have no problem eating... like I just wasted my whole fucking day stressing.
Am I able to get meds for anxiety without going to a therapist? Like could my doctor prescribe them? I don’t really want to be medicated like that but I am just so worked up and stressed out all the time I can’t focus or enjoy anything else
Do antidepressants cause weight gain?
/u/Rach_McAwesome
Created: Tue May 22 13:40:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lcxer/do_antidepressants_cause_weight_gain/
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I’ve been on sertraline for a couple of years, and upped my dosage a few months ago. I gained some weight a while ago, and I’m finding it impossible to lose any. I don’t know whether it’s the pills preventing me from losing weight, or maybe my metabolism has slowed down because of my age (nearly 30). I try so hard, something is stopping me from losing weight. Anybody here on antidepressants? Did you notice any changes in weight?
[Discussion] does anyone else feel like they haven’t “earned” their weight?
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Tue May 22 13:19:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lcqvb/does_anyone_else_feel_like_they_havent_earned/
---
i’ve been fasting for 52 hours as of now. i weighed myself this morning. the scale said 107. i can’t let myself believe it because HOW? i’ve been struggling to even break 108.0 and now i’m a full pound under that?
i keep thinking maybe the scale is lying, it’s messed up, broken, something. i don’t look any different than i did eleven pounds ago, save some stomach bloat. my thighs aren’t smaller, my face isn’t thinner, my ribs aren’t more prominent. i feel like i don’t deserve this weight because i don’t look like my BMI is 17.8. i can still grab lumps of fat off my own stomach. my legs still jiggle. i still have a round face.
it’s just frustrating because i’ve been trying to break this plateau for so long and now that i have, i feel like i don’t deserve it.
trying not to freak out
/u/-sadgarden
Created: Tue May 22 13:09:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lco3r/trying_not_to_freak_out/
---
so it appears ive pushed my body a bit far by walking wayy to much in the past couple of day 😅
now my left leg hurts all the time. the pain is manageable but i still probably means i should go easy on it for some time.
so no jogging and walking for me.
dont know what to do now tho since these were my go to ways of burning down calories :/
are there even any cardio-exercises which dont use the legs??
[Help] XS Compression Stockings
/u/BlondeActually
Created: Tue May 22 12:36:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lce7w/xs_compression_stockings/
---
This might not be the right place to post but I’m not sure where else to ask. I’m having a lot of swelling in my legs, particularly my calves and thighs from standing all day. Does anyone know where I can order XS compression stockings from? I can only find small and they’re not tight enough on my legs even at the highest compression. I found a lot online but I’m unfamiliar with the brands so I’m looking more for some recommendations for brands than just a website.
Guys...I'm moving to a fat state!!
/u/UnrecoverableFuss
Created: Tue May 22 11:58:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lc2oc/guysim_moving_to_a_fat_state/
---
Got an awesome new job, get to move to a sweet city, but what am I most excited about? Moving from a "fit" state to a "fat" state. Please tell me I'm not the only one...regale me with the wonders of being surrounded by people on mobility scooters in Walmart <3.
[Other] How about no?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Tue May 22 11:55:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lc1ql/how_about_no/
---
https://i.redd.it/6uqr8l0c4gz01.jpg
[Discussion] Conflicted on potentially losing head fog
/u/Yatessc
Created: Tue May 22 11:44:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lbyjg/conflicted_on_potentially_losing_head_fog/
---
Lately I been pretty weak and I have zero energy because of restriction. With this comes my head fog. It's like I barely think about anything other then planning my food for the day, that I'm obsessed about. Everything else I'm my life is just meh. I used to be obsessed about gaming and political shit got me mad but now nothing matters.
As of last week I've upped my calories from 1200 to 1400 per day and I have more energy but the fog has stayed. I want to increase my calories more so I can have more energy at work but I'm scared of gained weight and I kinda like the fog. Life is simpler this way, I'm happier.
Is there a middle ground where I can keep the mental fog but not gain too much and have enough energy for work?
My bmr is 2025 and my tdee is 2228.
[Discussion] Diet soda
/u/Dingletringle2
Created: Tue May 22 11:26:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lbsq2/diet_soda/
---
Anyone else get random nightmares that the diet fountain soda is actually regular?
[Discussion] I keep having dreams of eating “fear foods”
/u/misoxero
Created: Tue May 22 10:50:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lbhgc/i_keep_having_dreams_of_eating_fear_foods/
---
Again, today! I dreamt I had a bite of a mars bar and started freaking out! I scared myself so much I woke up from my dream. Anyone else do this? It’s so fricking weird.
is this normal when fainting?
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Tue May 22 10:39:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lbell/is_this_normal_when_fainting/
---
sooooo i fainted for the first time in my life earlier (like, actually, fully, entirely, fainting and collapsing to the ground - ive been close but always managed to stay on my feet) and i had this weird, shaking, twitching feeling going through my entire body. i am not sure if it was just a feeling or if i actually was twitching on the ground... is that just the feeling of fainting or am i dying?
(i ate something afterwards)
(it had just finished raining so this wasnt the greatest first fainting experience)
(i have some scratches on my hand now, ouchie)
(im glad no one saw me)
[Discussion] Does anyone else not eat when they are REALLY depressed?
/u/vhshood98
Created: Tue May 22 10:31:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lbcde/does_anyone_else_not_eat_when_they_are_really/
---
If it's just my generic "I want to die but I'm feeling sort of neutral today", then I will binge and hate myself because I have so many body issues. it is insane.
However, on days like today, where I am "I am one knife cut away from killing myself, I might as well be in a coma, I can't interact with society, I hate everyone and everything and want to kill myself instantly" kind of mood, then I starve.
6 kilos lighter than I thought I was??!!
/u/Wyrmzy
Created: Tue May 22 09:29:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8laup3/6_kilos_lighter_than_i_thought_i_was/
---
I bought a scale today because fuck being healthy. I was stupid nervous to step on it 'cause I believed my weight to be around 62 kg, and honestly, I'd mentally steeled myself to see something as high as 66 kg. Nah, instead the scale says fucking 56 kg? This is so motivating, but how???
The only explanation I've got is that the scale must be malfunctioning, being a cheapo analogue scale and all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(hi again everyone, I used to hang out here on a different account prior to a stint of attempted healthiness, which just made me fat lol)
Frozen food calories?
/u/Egleriel
Created: Tue May 22 09:18:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lartl/frozen_food_calories/
---
I was just curious if the calories were based on frozen weight or heated weight?
Like if I wanted to eat 150g of chicken that is in the freezer would I heat it up, then weight or weight before heating if the serving size is 75g on the packaging?
I don't even know if that makes sense
Anybody else's partner get insecure because of your ED?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Tue May 22 09:03:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lanl8/anybody_elses_partner_get_insecure_because_of/
---
[removed]
Soylent drink diet
/u/lizbites
Created: Tue May 22 08:22:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8lacth/soylent_drink_diet/
---
Has anyone tried it? Soylent is a meal replacement drink that apparently has 20% of your daily nutrition needs in each bottle. They each have 400 calories so it’s intended that you drink at least three a day, but I’m gonna try to stretch it out to 1-2 a day.
Just started today with the cocoa flavored one and it’s pretty yummy!
Naturally thin friends
/u/gothqueeen
Created: Tue May 22 08:07:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8la8tx/naturally_thin_friends/
---
I had friends growing up who were always skinnier than me. Like they felt like they needed to gain weight (a very foreign concept to me) because they were *so* naturally thin. I figured by the time we got older they would gain the weight, but they never did.... I wish I could be like them. Naturally 110/120 lbs. I gained 25lbs just within the last 3 years.
Craving the tired listlessness that comes from not eating enough
/u/mu514
Created: Tue May 22 07:33:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8la0ed/craving_the_tired_listlessness_that_comes_from/
---
I know this is really bad and very unhealthy, but I just need to get it off my chest. I've been severely depressed for the past few years, with manic highs and crashes every so often. In recent months, it's gotten better and then much much worse. Now, it's so painful just waking up in the morning and being aware of the negative feelings in my chest. I feel like I can't escape them, even though I know it's all in my head.
Nowadays, I've fallen to coping by not eating, either only a little or not at all, and if I eat enough so that my stomach feels full, I need to purge it out. I crave the feeling of exhaustion, of being so tired and listless and in a fog, so that I can't focus on those negative feelings anymore. This is so unhealthy, I know it, but I just needed to rant about this somewhere. Nowadays, I really feel like I'm losing it.
[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else HATE thinspo pics?
/u/DiabloHund
Created: Tue May 22 07:31:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9zth/does_anyone_else_hate_thinspo_pics/
---
The girls in thinspo are always so petite. They have narrow shoulders, fragile wrists... Their hips are just slightly wider than their t i n y waist.
Even if I weighed 110lbs at 5’9 I’d be wide and big. Even when my bones stick out I look huge. I’m genuinely big boned.
I can’t get smaller bones, I can’t get shorter, so why do I torture myself? Why do I look at perfect girls I can never be no matter how hard I try?
It’s so weird looking at “goals” that can never be your goal.
There’s probably something poetic in this about death being the only conclusion to this problem or something. I don’t care though. I just want to be petite and cute more than living.
[Other] Thinspo nostalgia makes me sad.
/u/stay_distracted
Created: Tue May 22 07:24:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9y8w/thinspo_nostalgia_makes_me_sad/
---
I remember my senior year of high school, I came across thinspo for the first time, came across livejournal in it’s tail-end. I also happened to lose a lot of weight at the time, and go shopping and it felt sooo amazing.
Remember Nicole Richie’s dramatic weight-loss? Wow.
Few years later I stumbled across Shmegeh on tumblr. I loved her aesthetic and the vibe of her blog. Unfortunately some shit went down and she sort of “vanished” from her internet-presence.
Sigh.
[Rant/Rave] Possibly the worst thing you could say
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Tue May 22 06:53:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9r2y/possibly_the_worst_thing_you_could_say/
---
I was being intimate with the guy I'm seeing and I looked in the mirror and said "yikes I'm gaining weight" in an effort to be comforting he said "you're gaining weight in all the right places"
WHAT. Well fuck me sideways huh. I wanna plummet into restrict mode. It's hard, I have to take some baby steps, starting with logging my calories. I have been working out a lot lately so he could be referring to me gaining muscle, which does weigh more than fat. But my silly psychotic brain won't consider that. I'm not mad at him (he knows about my ED) just traumatized. Yeah fuck me guys I am gaining weight.
[Rant/Rave] Possibly the worst thing you could say
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Tue May 22 06:53:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9qxp/possibly_the_worst_thing_you_could_say/
---
I was being intimate with the guy I'm seeing and I looked in the mirror and said "yikes I'm gaining weight" in an effort to be comforting he said "you're gaining weight in all the right places"
WHAT. Well fuck me sideways huh. I wanna plummet into restrict mode. It's hard, I have to take some baby steps, starting with logging my calories. I have been working out a lot lately so he could be referring to me gaining muscle, which does weigh more than fat. But my silly psychotic brain won't consider that. I'm not mad at him (he knows about my ED) just traumatized. Yeah fuck me guys I am gaining weight.
Well I'm back to logging
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Tue May 22 06:48:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9pwf/well_im_back_to_logging/
---
I've been feeling more and more compelled lately to log my calories and I just can't help it anymore. I think I should go out and buy a nice notebook. I wonder how long it will last this time. I want to keep myself accountable and recognize trends. I feel like I'm getting fatter and it's pretty fucking scary :(
[Rant/Rave] Well I'm back to logging
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Tue May 22 06:47:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9prf/well_im_back_to_logging/
---
I've been feeling more and more compelled lately to log my calories and I just can't help it anymore. I think I should go out and buy a nice notebook. I wonder how long it will last this time. I want to keep myself accountable and recognize trends. I feel like I'm getting fatter and it's pretty fucking scary :(
I never realized how little most people know about nutrition
/u/strawstring
Created: Tue May 22 06:47:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9pq5/i_never_realized_how_little_most_people_know/
---
Now disclaimer, obviously ED behaviors don't align with what nutrition science suggests, but I'm sure most of us know what is "ideally" healthy even if we don't follow it.
I was having a conversation with two friends the other day, and dropped in something about macros. Neither knew what macros were, ok, but then when they asked me to explain they were baffled that I knew all this stuff. (And by all this stuff I mean TDEE, BMR, basic caloric/protein/carb/fat needs). I don't expect most people to know about counting macros or anything, but not knowing how many calories you should eat? Not knowing that a banana was made of carbohydrates? I could have ranted for hours about food and nutrition, and they have never even checked the nutrition label on most anything they eat.
I've been counting calories since middle school, probably before that (lol I was a 5th grader on weight watchers) and can't imagine a world where I didn't know the approximate calories (and an estimated macro breakdown) of.... anything. It seems like such a nice way to live, not thinking about it. I was honestly just taken aback by the disparity in what others know vs. what we do.
Well I'm back to logging
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Tue May 22 06:47:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9pnu/well_im_back_to_logging/
---
I've been feeling more and more compelled lately to log my calories and I just can't help it anymore. I think I should go out and buy a nice notebook. I wonder how long it will last this time. I want to keep myself accountable and recognize trends. I feel like I'm getting fatter and it's pretty fucking scary :(
[Rant/Rave] Well I'm back to logging
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Tue May 22 06:46:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9pg2/well_im_back_to_logging/
---
I've been feeling more and more compelled lately to log my calories and I just can't help it anymore. I think I should go out and buy a nice notebook. I wonder how long it will last this time. I want to keep myself accountable and recognize trends. I feel like I'm getting fatter and it's pretty fucking scary :(
My school found out...
/u/KatIsFab
Created: Tue May 22 06:41:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9o6c/my_school_found_out/
---
Yea, some of my friends have noticed that Ive been skipping meals and told a teacher \(I go to a boarding school so no 'Ive already eaten' excuses\). Im just so gutted and sad and I have no idea what to do...
[Goal] Let the fasting begin....
/u/megamorphaseez
Created: Tue May 22 06:26:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9l84/let_the_fasting_begin/
---
After a weekend of letting loose and eating more than usual. Which I'm sure isn't much to people, certainly not a binge, but indulging it a lot of my "bad" foods.
Going to do my best to not weigh myself until this coming Saturday, and drink lots and lots of water and supplement, and fast. Basically my entire mood and ability to sleep, focus, do anything is now all on the fact that I indulged a little this past weekend. I feel like people can see it, my face is bigger, my bloating is so bad that it hurts to move around. It was okay to indulge but not worth feeling like this at ALL. I plan to do my best to fast, I may have a soda cracker when I'm feeling a little week but other than that I should be okay. Looking forward to the weight coming back off by the weekend and hopefully losing even more weight this time.
Agghhh wish me luck.
Hope you all enjoyed your long weekends xox
Be still my hyper-logging heart. Fitbit now has lady part tracking with notifications. "You're gonna bleed soon. That's why you want to eat a house."
/u/Sidehothrowaway
Created: Tue May 22 06:23:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9kkd/be_still_my_hyperlogging_heart_fitbit_now_has/
---
https://imgur.com/MNvbCBM
A Rising Issue With This Physical Form
/u/RichardStarrkey
Created: Tue May 22 06:12:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9i7b/a_rising_issue_with_this_physical_form/
---
This disorder has made my hair thin and loose. And often while drunk I find myself pulling it out of my head. Lately, I do this too while sober. I am wondering if anyone else has done the same.
What are the steps you took to fix this?
I've got [poodle hair](http://www.poodleforum.com/attachments/poodle-rainbow/20707d1319218233-black-poodle-thread-674.jpg) yo I don't want it out.
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday May 22, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 22 06:10:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9hpe/thinspo_tuesday_may_22_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 22, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 22 06:10:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9hou/daily_food_diary_may_22_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 22, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] Be me. Wake up at 630 AM for no reason. Eat a whole chocolate bar. How to live with self for rest of day?
/u/bodybycoke
Created: Tue May 22 04:51:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l92da/be_me_wake_up_at_630_am_for_no_reason_eat_a_whole/
---
It stops today.
/u/Egleriel
Created: Tue May 22 04:49:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l9236/it_stops_today/
---
I have been binging nonstop everyday for the past 2 weeks. Ever since I stopped fasting... Today is it. I will eat 1200 calories. I will listen to my body. There is no more "I'll stop binging tomorrow". I keep putting it off. I'm so sick of being a fat fuck who can't control themself.
Today is the I start living again. Today is the day I stop hating myself.
My boyfriend really disappointed me
/u/Toamatoperson
Created: Tue May 22 04:37:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l8zx3/my_boyfriend_really_disappointed_me/
---
First time posting, have been lurking for a while. Sorry if this makes no sense.
So I've been struggling with anorexic behaviour and thoughts for a very long time. My boyfriend knows I don't eat and routinely encourages me to eat something, but has zero understanding of what goes on in my head.
Today I decided to try and open up to him and tell him how I feel and what's going on with me and that I might need help.
And he reacted with something along the lines of:
"All girls have the same problem. They all do this."
Basically invalidating everything I struggle with and sweeping it under the rug. I have never felt this hurt before. It only fuels my ED more.
Sorry for ranting. I'm just very very upset right now.
Triggered and relapsed
/u/VigilantDiscipline
Created: Tue May 22 04:19:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l8wv3/triggered_and_relapsed/
---
New here, but not new to ED.
I've been all over the scales. I swing between binging and restricting. I've "recovered" in that I'm a "normal" weight (in fact overweight), but not without the constant guilt and self-hatred, the constant worry about calories and weight. Not to mention hating every last inch of body fat and sagging skin. ED has always been a part of me, always will, regardless of whether the scale says otherwise.
I recently experienced a trigger that brought me back to a place of highly restricted eating. I just want to be thin and numb. I'm grateful I can talk about it here.
My current approach is this, and I'm posting it to hold myself accountable:
-5 days one meal per day (OMAD) and two days per week water fasting only
-Intermittent fasting minimum 16 hours between OMAD
-Paleo keto - usually around 1% carbs, 28% protein, 71% fat - totaling no more than 800 calories
-Vegetarian
-Taking supplements - green tea, pseudoephedrine, aspirin, garlic, omega-3 oil, l-cysteine
-Prescribed Adderall (thank christ)
-Otherwise subsisting on black coffee and carbonated (flavorless) mineral water
It's hard not drinking (too many carbs), and also smoking weed daily without being able to indulge the munchies. But at least I don't hate myself as much doing this as I do when I'm not.
[Goal] A day late for stats update, a day early for small goals and huge accomplishments!
/u/xerox13ster
Created: Tue May 22 03:44:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l8r77/a_day_late_for_stats_update_a_day_early_for_small/
---
I've been trying to break back into the 270s forever it seems, since at least last September.
The past 3 or four weeks I've been fluttering in the low 280s, never able to lose that last bit of water weight, never actually getting what I consider my true weight (no waste, no water weight).
Well I was gonna eat last night, but I fell asleep, which makes for two days fasting, and I stepped on the scale to see a whoooosh!
Dropped from 285 to 278! I almost cried, it feels so good and only drives me to keep on going and fight falling into the binge cycle.
My ED nightmare
/u/Melusedek
Created: Tue May 22 02:18:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l8eaa/my_ed_nightmare/
---
Traveling for a week and a half with no scale and no idea what my food options will be. I'll be staying in a hotel so idk if I'll be able to prepare my own food at all.
rip my progress
I hate the NSFW subreddits that show up on /r/all
/u/dontfeedthehippos
Created: Tue May 22 01:55:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l8aul/i_hate_the_nsfw_subreddits_that_show_up_on_rall/
---
It's like, *i get it.* you girls are confident and thin and beautiful and everyone just loves you and I'm a fat piece of garbage who has nothing going for them. Not even the attention of creepy dudes looking to get off.
All of these girls look so beautiful and perfect. I'm jealous and pathetic.
[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend is 6” taller than me and used to weight 3 lbs more than me.
/u/JimMakingTheFace
Created: Mon May 21 23:52:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l7pk5/my_boyfriend_is_6_taller_than_me_and_used_to/
---
Meltdown isn’t a flair option.
I have to lose weight. He’s gained muscle, and now he’s a good 35ish lbs heavier than me, but goddamnit. I’m so fat. He used to be so thin.
I just want to be small.
I want to be small.
Just waiting to see the difference...
/u/Dim_Lighthouse
Created: Mon May 21 23:16:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l7itb/just_waiting_to_see_the_difference/
---
Have any of you had experience losing weight but not seeing change in your body? I've been heavily restricting (averaging 550 a day, fasts/exercise after going over) for about three weeks and see nothing, although I do think I'm losing weight because some of my clothes seem to fit looser. (I don't weigh myself or have a scale because I'm in all honesty MASSIVELY afraid of scales.)
I'm just frustrated because I did this to see change, but I'm worried I'm never going to. This diet was supposed to make me look better before graduation and I feel exactly the same. I know I have BDD which probably contributes but my body checks (tapping hips, encircling arms, etc.) never feel different either. Feels like my arms will always be massive and my stomach will make me look pregnant and I'll never see my hip bones again.
When did you see change? If you did? Can anyone who's experienced this share how it went down for them? I'm getting really desperate.
Discord group for immediate support?
/u/skinnyfat_girl
Created: Mon May 21 22:49:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l7dk9/discord_group_for_immediate_support/
---
I've joined a couple of proED discords but I feel like they're missing the immediate support. Everyone checks in occasionally, but that doesn't help me with my problem which is mainly binging, and keeping on track. So I would like to have a group where I can say "Hey Im going to eat this chocolate...." and people can immediately give me help to stop the bad decision, and I can do the same for them.
If anyone is interested in forming a group of buddies who have the app on their phone (and are open to being on call within reason!) Id love to have that.
Im 25, been dealing with eating issues for years and years, and Im on Pacific Time. I need to lose about 15 lbs asap, and would like to do so with high restriction, exercise, and prefer a no-nonsense brutal approach. Im happy to talk about other things about our ED too, just looking for buddies who can support each other through this! :)
[Thinspo] An album of David Bowie thinspo
/u/GemRocking
Created: Mon May 21 22:24:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l78hr/an_album_of_david_bowie_thinspo/
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https://imgur.com/a/9TTAkJR
[Rant/Rave] Can’t stop
/u/I_wont_use_this
Created: Mon May 21 22:00:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l73bv/cant_stop/
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I don’t know if I should post here because I’ve never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but im pretty sure my eating habits are disordered in some way so I hope this is the right place to post this. I just need to rant.
Basically I’ve binged and purged way too much today. I’m really tired but I can’t stop. Usually I do it about once a day (well on a good week maybe 4-5 times) but today has been a bit excessive. I’m always so paranoid that someone will figure it out. I just can’t stop uncontrollably eating and it sucks so much. I hate eating because I know I’ll just have to purge it and i hate purging. Every thing I eat turns into a binge. Ugh today just sucks. I’m not even very stressed out. I think I only keep binging because I’ve been home all day and have constant access to food. I just can’t control it ya know? It’s just one of those days that shouldn’t be bad but just is because my mental illness just happened to ruin it. I just want to sleep but I’m staying up because I can’t stop feeling guilty about all the food I ate. It doesn’t help that the people around me talk about diets a lot. It makes me feel really awful because it reminds me of how much food I consume. It really is a lot haha. I wish I could stop for at least a day. I want just one good binge-free and purge-free day. I just wish I could restrict without knowing I’ll binge the next day (or hour). At the same time I don’t want to recover because I’m scared so I guess I’ll just keep complaining about it. I feel so gross. I think it’s from binging and purging so much today. Oh well.
[Other] A good day? I might post this whole week bc it’s prom on Saturday and I really need to stay on track. I think I can handle this and stay under 1,200. Hope I lose something! (5/21)
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Mon May 21 21:24:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l6vaa/a_good_day_i_might_post_this_whole_week_bc_its/
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https://i.redd.it/1y6cfs2ysbz01.jpg
FitBit Burned Calories Accuracy?
/u/VirtualVacation
Created: Mon May 21 21:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l6rsz/fitbit_burned_calories_accuracy/
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Title basically says it all, was wondering if anyone has any experience with how accurate FitBit's "calories burned" values are? Mostly for just walking, not really doing any workouts at the moment. Does anyone try and keep track of their burned calories \(I don't budget it in with my restriction anyway, so it's sort of a "bonus" deficit\)? Could just be the sceptic in me but kinda seems like an over estimate...
Having major cravings right now
/u/twinflame2twinflame
Created: Mon May 21 20:54:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l6o6d/having_major_cravings_right_now/
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I am having major cravings for Italian, Mexican, and American food I just want to gorge myself till I can't eat no more. Can anyone relate and how do you stop these cravings from happening.
[Rant/Rave] Tfw you can’t tell if you’re exhausted because you’re anorexic, because you’re iron deficient, because it’s finals week or because you got 5 hours of sleep last night
/u/atexasgal
Created: Mon May 21 20:40:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l6kss/tfw_you_cant_tell_if_youre_exhausted_because/
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y’all I’m so fucking tired 😒🔫
2 finals tomorrow then none until next week at least
[Rant/Rave] A Small Rant About Mayonnaise
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Mon May 21 20:34:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l6jbd/a_small_rant_about_mayonnaise/
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100 calories ??? Per fucking TABLESPOON?? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??? WHAT THE SHIT. WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT. WHAT THE FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING SHITTING FUCK.
WHO. WHO ALLOWED THIS. WHO MADE THIS. WHAT THE SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THW FUCK
FUCK MAYONOUSE
[Discussion] For those restricting/losing weight, does your weight drop everyday?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Mon May 21 20:28:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l6hr5/for_those_restrictinglosing_weight_does_your/
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My weight only drops 0.2kg\(0.44lbs\) everyday for now. Ate a little more than usual yesterday and weight increases by 0.2kg \(0.44lbs\). Am I'm the only one who cares so much when weight loss is so little? It's so little and I am trying my best to restrict.... but previously I was able to lose more than just 0.2kg \(0.44lbs\). A little helpless that I am losing so little. :\( If I am going to only lose 0.2kg every single day, I wonder how long will it take for me to reach my goal weight? I still have around 2kg \(4.4lbs\) to reach my goal weight.
[Help] Why is it that cramping is a symptom of an ED (or when we are eating low calories)?
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Mon May 21 20:18:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l6fcs/why_is_it_that_cramping_is_a_symptom_of_an_ed_or/
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My legs have been cramping every single day and the pain is so unbearable. Anything I can do to make it stop?
Huge pill fear because of weight gain and was Rx'd Neurontin
/u/UniqueCranberry
Created: Mon May 21 20:10:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l6dgb/huge_pill_fear_because_of_weight_gain_and_was_rxd/
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Has anyone taken Neurontin/Gabapentin? It has an uncommon weight gain side effect which freaks me out to no end. What about drugs will cause weight gain? If I gain more than 2 pounds in a short time period I will not continue taking it.
[Help] Trying to figure out chicken drumstick calories
/u/pailblusea
Created: Mon May 21 20:07:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l6ck7/help_trying_to_figure_out_chicken_drumstick/
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On mobile, can't flair.
I got some chicken drumsticks on sale from the meat department at Wal-Mart. They have skin and bones. I am trying to find the calorie content of them raw but everything online is giving different answers. I guess I will put them in the crock pot and when they are done I will shred them and remove bone but keep the skin (cuz I like to live on the wild side 🙃). The closest thing I could find online was comparing it to Tyson raw chicken with skin which is 150 calories for 112g. It doesn't say if that weight includes bone!!! I am frustrated and have to eat this since I bought it but the weight of the bone alone is probably 20-30 grams.
Anyone know calories for chicken drumsticks raw with skin and bone removed???
Struggling after coming home from living abroad
/u/postrevolutionism
Created: Mon May 21 19:54:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l69hn/struggling_after_coming_home_from_living_abroad/
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I've been struggling a lot recently since coming back home to the US after studying abroad in Latin America for a semester. I had a really well structured two meals a day (breakfast and dinner, lunch was on us) and I felt really healthy about food and more comfortable with it since everything was so structured. I struggle with bingeing and restricting so now being back in the US I'm surrounded by constant food and have been fighting against wanting to binge. I binged yesterday and ended up puking my guts out since I'm still readjusting to the food here. I ended up having to make myself throw up which I think triggered me a lot into being in an unhealthy state of mind.
Being surrounded by all this food has been so hard and it's stressing me out and I want to eat it all but also the thought of eating it all makes me disgusted with myself. Does anyone have advice from personal experience? I know this is a super niche situation but going from so much structure to absolutely none is so much harder than I thought it'd be. It's dumb, but I thought I got past lots of this while abroad and thought I'd be okay back home. I guess not.
Panicking - Don’t think I’ll fit into my boyfriend’s jacket
/u/peyton2724
Created: Mon May 21 19:23:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l61zd/panicking_dont_think_ill_fit_into_my_boyfriends/
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So, long story short, my boyfriend has gotten me to agree to wearing his jacket tomorrow and I’m freaking the hell out. He’s reallyyyy skinny and my BMI is a solid 21. I’m so worried that I’m not going to fit it. This is my worst fear in the world ever, yayyyyy!!!
[Help] Reactive hypoglycaemia?
/u/pointypoke
Created: Mon May 21 19:22:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l61lf/reactive_hypoglycaemia/
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I have reactive hypoglycaemia and find it hard to balance. I have restrictive tendencies and although I am trying to get on a healthier path, I know that is something that I am going to do no matter what right now. However I am finding it tough to deal and figure out things to eat that won’t send me for a blood sugar rollercoaster and something that I value worthy of the calories. Anybody out there have it as well, tips to dealing with it, or foods you like for it?
I'm afraid my ED will interfere with future jobs.
/u/ohmylambda
Created: Mon May 21 18:05:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l5j01/im_afraid_my_ed_will_interfere_with_future_jobs/
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I'm graduating college later this year and my plan for many years was to become a police officer once I did, or at least get a job in law enforcement to some capacity. I got an internship with my city's police department this summer and I've realized my disordered eating may make that impossible. It was a punch to the gut, even now I'm kinda tearing up out of frustration thinking about it.
I had to go on a ride along (I basically rode in a cruiser with a real officer for their entire shift) with a really great, strong female officer. Basically the embodiment of everything I want to be in life. Observing her left me with the feeling that I'm going the complete opposite direction.
I'm already predicting I won't be strong enough to do what a police officer needs to be able to do. I've been dropping weight really fast the past six months or so and I already don't have the energy to do almost anything. I don't know what to do or what I want to accomplish from this post. I'm just... really sad. I'm mad at myself for being this way.
If this is against the rules please delete but my request pertains to my issues here...
/u/Newbeginningtake2
Created: Mon May 21 18:01:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l5i8e/if_this_is_against_the_rules_please_delete_but_my/
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http://gofundme.com/help-me-get-psych-service-dog
Why is the only thing in my life that I care about food?
/u/justletmedieinpeace
Created: Mon May 21 17:59:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l5hmk/why_is_the_only_thing_in_my_life_that_i_care/
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Basically title says it all. The only thing that makes me happy any more is food and I can see myself getting larger from extremely poor eating habits.
Seroquel and weight gain? Does anyone have any experiences?
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Mon May 21 17:45:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l5eb3/seroquel_and_weight_gain_does_anyone_have_any/
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I was just prescribed seroquel today in addition to my cymbalta, lamictal and kolonopin.
My doctor knows that I am petrified to gain weight and knows I will not take anything if it says it can cause a lot of gain. It seems like it's something that will help me at night with my insomnia but if it makes me gain I will freak out! I know I can monitor it and all but from what I read it seems like it just causes you to store fat? I knew another girl in one of my support groups who took seroquel at nighttime and she never seemed to be scared of it.
Idk. I have been feeling awful but do not want to feel worse with the gain.
I know this is more of a bipolar question but I feel you guys would understand better!
How can I choose recovery when people like me better skinny?
/u/jholtz27
Created: Mon May 21 17:26:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l59n6/how_can_i_choose_recovery_when_people_like_me/
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I never get half as many compliments, attention, or general interest in me when I'm not restricting or purging than when I am.
People can tell you that your weight doesn't matter all they want to, but the difference in how they treat fat people and skinny people shows what they really think, and what really matters to them.
No one goes out of their way to be nice to someone who's fat.
No one goes up to flirt with someone who's fat.
No one compliments how good a fat person's clothes look on them.
Do I wish that weren't the case? Absolutely. But it is.
Even when I'm just on the heavier side of normal, people ignore me. But when I starve myself? People looovvvee me. People just can't stop saying how sexy and beautiful I am. It doesn't matter if I don't believe it, the attention is still addicting.
It makes it downright impossible to want to make myself eat more, or exercise less. And so anyone who thinks that people are foolish to not want to recover are kidding themselves.
Hesitant about birth control because cravings but PMS is already causing me to binge! Experiences/advice anyone?
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Mon May 21 17:25:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l59il/hesitant_about_birth_control_because_cravings_but/
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PMS is literally ruining me. The entire week I'm ovulating AND the one before my period, I'm an anxious mess with huge cravings and I just can't cope with it anymore, I feel so miserable and I'm pretty sure it's linked in deep with my disordered eating.
I've had birth control reccomend to me a few times now but I am fucking *terrified* of even less control, even more cravings. I feel so bad though that I'm considering just trying it, but I don't know where to start as I'm not even in a relationship at the moment, nor do I have the time to even get laid anymore lmao.
Does anyone have any positive BC experiences? I've heard of a few pills that supposedly weaken appetite, mine is already huge more often than not now. I'm sick of feeling like a hormonal mess.
I just don't know what to do. I'd really really appreciate hearing some experiences from girls who've got some knowledge on this. I've got an appointment with my GP tomorrow and I'm pretty scared. Ty xo
[Help] Is being underweight worth it, or is it better to stay at a healthy weight
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Mon May 21 17:19:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l582m/is_being_underweight_worth_it_or_is_it_better_to/
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I am 5’1 and 105, which some people call small but to me it just feels average. I don’t feel tiny and certain parts of my body just feel huge.
I would like to be underweight but that is 12 lbs away and I’m in a relationship which inhibits my ed from spiraling that bad. So I was settling for 100.
But is it worth it to lose 5 more lbs? Half the time I can rationalize that my weight is fine and I don’t need to lose anymore but the other half I feel like I need to be smaller.
I’ve been maintaining around this size for like 6 months and I tell myself that if I reaaaaally need to be 100 I can lose those 5lbs quick. But part of me wants to lose it ASAP so I can see how my body looks that size.
I just want to EAT tho, so I’m like what’s the point of 5 lbs.
I also see soooo many underweight people here that say they hate their bodies more than ever at their low weights and so it doesn’t feel worth it to fuck my mind up more, bc I know even at 100 I’ll still feel obligated to starve.
I really really want your guys’ inputs on if losing 5 more pounds is worth it- and don’t be afraid to tell me I need to lose it lol I need the opinions of people who have similar minds as me bc any normal person would say it’s not a big deal
[Rant/Rave] Reason for recovery
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Mon May 21 16:56:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l52jk/reason_for_recovery/
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I've noticed something about myself. I have to have a reason to eat and take care of myself or else I just don't care to do it. It doesn't feel like recovery is worth it. Right now, my reason for recovery is muscle building. If I don't eat, I don't have the fuel I need to build muscle and exercise. I'm worried that I won't be able to come up with reason after reason for recovery.
Really the worst thing to say...
/u/AuntieWhisper
Created: Mon May 21 16:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4ypc/really_the_worst_thing_to_say/
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So \- long story short I am \(more like was \- kind of? idk anymore\) dating a guy I met online and we've been dating since January. Just last week he told me that he thinks he felt like he "fell for me" simply because he was caught up in the excitement of meeting someone so cool and was questioning whether or not he ever felt genuine "love" for me and just wants to be best friends. We've both done a lot of like \- sexy stuff on webcam and snapchat since we cannot be together physically yet \(he is in UK and I am in US\). He has always told me he likes small girls and I am pretty small I guess, but have been having a lot of body issues lately since he told me he was unsure of his feelings for me.
Anyways, I got home today and we try to play fortnite or CSGO or league together every evening as we have a very small window of time to hang out every evening because of the time difference. We've been hanging out but with less flirting and zero sex stuff since he told me his new\-found lesser feelings for me. He had been in a game as duos all day and he invited me to his party to see that he was playing with another girl. Cool, whatever. Let's play ya know?
We play, and she and him are just playing together and giggling and basically not talking back to me at all. So I do my thing and try to play by myself because you know fuck that I am trying to distance myself at this point. Trying...anyways. And she just drops her connectivity out of nowhere. He said she was messaging him like crazy after she disconnected and she said she had to go for no reason \- yea ok. Without saying bye?
Anyways, as soon as she leaves voice he said that he shared his photo with her and she shared her photo with him earlier in the day while I was still at work. He said that she started hitting on him immediately after seeing his photo and that he thought she was "very tiny tinier than you!" he said. :\(
"tinier than you!" he said
fuck...
me.
I was doing better until tonight. And then he kept saying how much she was messaging him on discord and begging him to play with just him. And then he said that he found out she is 21 years old and that she lives less than an hour away from him. I am 30 years old and live in another country.
I am so done, guys. I can't do this anymore. I am gonna fucking relapse. There's no going back.
There's no words for how severely fucking bad this is.
[Rant/Rave] hey, mom, if you could put the fucking scale back, that’d be really nice!
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Mon May 21 16:33:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4x5j/hey_mom_if_you_could_put_the_fucking_scale_back/
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long story short, the downstairs bathroom got remodeled. i used to have a scale down there and i would weigh myself every morning. well, the bathroom got finished, my mom went in there to clean it up, and now my fucking scale is gone. i’d really like to ask for it back, but i can’t do that without raising major suspicion.
[Rant/Rave] my therapist commented on my weight loss
/u/lightningmcqueef69
Created: Mon May 21 16:31:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4wmf/my_therapist_commented_on_my_weight_loss/
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I've never talked to her about weight loss or my ED, and today during our session she pointed out that I've "lost a significant amount of weight" and asked if I've been restricting. I told her it's just from exercise and I wasn't trying to lose weight *shrug* oops
[Discussion] Harm reduction
/u/peoniesanddoubt
Created: Mon May 21 16:14:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4s2e/harm_reduction/
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Just wondering what everyone does to reduce harm during any kind eating disorder, like vitamins or drinking a certain amount of water?
Are eating disorders and autism connected?
/u/cbrowndeakin
Created: Mon May 21 16:00:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4ojt/are_eating_disorders_and_autism_connected/
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Do you currently have an Eating Disorder?OrHave you experienced an Eating Disorder in the past?
I need your help to complete my PhD research. I would like you to ANONYMOUSLY complete an online survey about Eating Disorders and Autism.
\- Up to 45% of women with an Eating Disorder also have Autistic traits, and many have not received an accurate diagnosis.
\- If we can understand how the two conditions are related, we can help girls and women receive a quicker, more accurate diagnosis, and improve Eating Disorder treatment options.
\- Autism in females is critically under\-researched, and as a result they are often misdiagnosed, or missed altogether.
\- You DO NOT need to have a formal diagnosis to complete this survey.
\- Trans and non\-binary people welcome ✌️
\*\*\*CONTENT WARNING\*\*\* This survey contains questions about food and patterns of behaviour that may be triggering or upsetting. If this is a concern for you, please do not participate in this survey.
You can access the survey here:[https://deakinsurveys.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_1SbulpLyGs9rgYB](https://deakinsurveys.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_1SbulpLyGs9rgYB)
Please share this post so we can reach as many women as possible!
really miss the good ol' days when i didn't feel fat and disgusting every time i ate anything
/u/smittenkitt3n
Created: Mon May 21 15:58:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4nvx/really_miss_the_good_ol_days_when_i_didnt_feel/
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...even healthy stuff! like fruit and veggies. i just feel so fat and ugly. i really miss not having to worry so much about food and spending most of my day obsessing over it. i keep poking and prodding at my stomach every morning and after meals. logically, i know what i'm doing doesn't make sense, but i just can't help it
hoping for the day i finally can eat something and not think twice about it 😪
Is it possible to have an ED that stemmed mainly from depression
/u/deathconscious
Created: Mon May 21 15:44:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4kf8/is_it_possible_to_have_an_ed_that_stemmed_mainly/
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Just a quick caution: My apologies if this is the wrong place to put this or if it is insensitive to anyone. I don't want to trigger anyone so I can delete this or put this in a more suitable sub if I find one.
My restrictive eating manifested itself as a sort of side effect of depression and GAD. I've been thin my whole life but over the last year or 2 I tried gaining weight and failed. I did manage to get up to 130 last summer but it slowly slipped away and I found myself losing weight.
I do suffer from extreme body dysmorphia. I hate that I'm not even the "right" type of thin. My biggest insecurity is that my thighs/hips are pretty big for my BMI while my top is extremely bony, almost skeletal. Now recently I found myself wistfully looking at pictures of thin and delicate girls, shorter than me who look small (and to most people maybe too thin), but I know I could never look like that due to my height and bone structure. I'm small bones (my wrist is 5.25") but my shoulders are kinda broad and my ribcage makes my waist look bigger than it is and I can't get a emailer waist unless I did corset training.
Due to previous negative experience and interactions with men I find myself using losing weight as a punishment so that I won't be jeers in a sexual way. This is not something I want but feel like I should do. I don't like how thin I am and I would like to gain weight but it also hurts that I'll never been able to be a small short delicate fairy cus of my height (which isn't even that tall but much of my jealousy is towards though who are like 5'4-5'6). The sick thing is I feel annoyed that I'm not even recognized for being underweight -- I've noticed that people are surprised when I say my weight because they thought I weighed more and hey only ever seen me in baggy tops and long sleeves. So I feel like I have neither the pleasure of being a healthy weight nor anyone commenting on me being too small. I know that sounds sick.
I feel sort of like a fraud for even posting here. For example with anorexia, where a major symptom is restrictive eating due to intense fear of gaining weight and an intent to lose more. However, if I could gain weight I think I would want to. It's just like I subconsciously sabotage myself form not eating enough. I'm beating myself up cus I ate enough over this last week to gain a pound and now I'm going through a bad depressive bout where I've fasted for the past 3 days and it's like it has all gone to waste.
Sorry for the rambling, I hope to hear from your experiences if you relate in any way.
Probiotics!!
/u/merewautt
Created: Mon May 21 15:34:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4huz/probiotics/
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I've officially on month #2 of taking probiotic supplements and the change in my mood and my appetite and my stomach issues has been amazing. I think I fucked up my gut biome about a year ago when I had to take strong anti biotics for a kidney infection and had a horrible round of food poisoning \(both of which can affect the levels of good bacteria in your gut\), and ever since then my appetite had been higher, my mood has been lower, and I've had IBS type symptoms. Literally all of that has been reversed of the last two months and the only change I've made is taking probiotic supplements.
As people with EDs we're pretty rough on our digestive systems and I think a lot of us could probably benefit from a probiotic supplement. Unfortunately, the industry is completely unregulated so those shitty gummies and yogurts that don't have enough live cultures to be effective can be sold everywhere. SO, if you're interested I recommend looking into pill supplements \(not gummies or most yogurts\) that have a minimum of AT LEAST 50 billion CFUs. The two brands I've tried and had successful with are Garden of Life "Critical Care" that have 80 billion CFUs and Up4 "High Potency" with 50 billion CFUs. They're both advertised as shelf stable, but I recommend refrigerating them anyway if you can. The good stuff is expensive $30\-$40 dollars for a bottle \(cheaper online though\), but they've been SO worth it for me. Hope this helps anyone who's interested, take care of yourselves guys!!
Down to 106 and hate my body even more than I did at 116
/u/MissMagus
Created: Mon May 21 15:34:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4hug/down_to_106_and_hate_my_body_even_more_than_i_did/
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https://imgur.com/qwY5iWn
[Rant/Rave] I.have.no.energy!!!!
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Mon May 21 15:32:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4h6u/ihavenoenergy/
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The sun is out and there are so many things I want to do
I want to take my dog and my longboard to the park, I want to go to yoga in two hours, I want to shower and do my make up and dye my hair and get all pretty (but then my bf will want to go out and that will tempt me to break my fast)
But nothing sounds as good as staying in bed on my phone bc I have no damn energy
[Discussion] Muscle wasting?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Mon May 21 15:24:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4f7r/muscle_wasting/
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How long does it take for leg muscles to waste and how little activity would you have to do for that to happen? Does anyone know?
I‘m stopping this bingeing shit. Now.
/u/fatass-
Created: Mon May 21 15:09:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l4axf/im_stopping_this_bingeing_shit_now/
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Hello! I‘m a long time lurker. I read a similarly titled post about two weeks ago and it really motivated me. But of course it didnt last :c Still, two weeks without a binge was already incredible for me.
Just want to keep me accountable by writing this. I am (or was, before my binge today and yesterday...) just 2 pounds away from being underweight and 11 pounds away from my goal weight. I.can.do.this.
I‘m going to stop sabotaging myself by binging like crazy every time I get even close to my goal weight. I‘m going to stop feeling like shit every other day and I will keep at it this time.
Maybe someone else trying to end this binging craziness can relate?
[Thinspo] David Bowie in the 70's is the best thinspo
/u/GemRocking
Created: Mon May 21 14:59:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l48db/david_bowie_in_the_70s_is_the_best_thinspo/
---
https://i.redd.it/yfmaezjuv9z01.jpg
[Discussion] When did your boobs start shrinking? [discussion]
/u/mynormalheart
Created: Mon May 21 14:24:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l3z7s/when_did_your_boobs_start_shrinking_discussion/
---
I’ve lost 20lbs so far but am still about 20lbs away from a healthy BMI. I’m a DD and so far my boobs haven’t shrunk at all. If anything they seem bigger, but I know that’s probably because I’m smaller in other places.
How long before you started noticing your boobs getting smaller? I hate how big mine are
My body is still disgusting no matter how much I weigh
/u/commtra
Created: Mon May 21 14:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l3xyt/my_body_is_still_disgusting_no_matter_how_much_i/
---
The stretch marks and cellulite still remain :(
[Help] Is there anyone else who is trying to lose the last 10-15lbs?
/u/Eeebee000bot
Created: Mon May 21 14:00:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l3sc1/is_there_anyone_else_who_is_trying_to_lose_the/
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Anyone else out there?
I'm small boned and short (5'3) and I just want to be 110-115lbs. Last time I was there was 15 years ago (in my 30s now ..sigh). I'm at the mid 120s at the moment (thanks water retention) and although my goal weight is not far from where I am now I am just SO RIDICULOUSLY OBSESSED WITH EATING that I lose some weight and then I overeat compulsively (a lot of times this happens at breakfast, it's like I'm possessed!!). I just want to lose this weight and lose it fast and be done with it. I feel disgusting!! Not at all feminine.. just lumpy and I have all these tiny clothes in my closet that I can't wear and it's quite sad really. I previously had my goal set at a 'healthy' 1450 calories a day but I would not see progress and then eat more lol. I have it not set under 1000 calories and there is that same annoying voice screaming to eat more however there is strength in numbers so what I am asking is does anyone else need a partner to keep them accountable??? Cause I do (and I'm sorry if this isn't the right way to ask but I've never posted here before, only lurked). I feel so alone!! Thanks for reading this.
[Rant/Rave] Got blackout drunk and don’t remember anything from last night.
/u/sadbucket
Created: Mon May 21 13:31:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l3kix/got_blackout_drunk_and_dont_remember_anything/
---
Woke up with my glasses broken and a $300 receipt from a locksmith. My boyfriend was gone and he texted me asking me to please no drink so much.
I literally don’t remember anything. I feel like a horrible, disgusting mess.
At least I’m at my lowest weight since 2014. I hate myself.
[Rant/Rave] I can’t cope with the picture that was just taken of me
/u/sattheer
Created: Mon May 21 13:02:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l3ckg/i_cant_cope_with_the_picture_that_was_just_taken/
---
This past month and a half has been the absolute worst binging period of my life (which is saying something bc I’ve been binging since I was a little kid). Basically I’ve been having a massive binge every. Single. Day.
Today was kind of okay, food-wise. I had a low calorie breakfast and a small dinner with two glasses of sangria. I felt hungry, so I felt better about myself than I have lately.
But then someone took a group picture. In fairness, it was a warm in the restaurant and I was feeling warm from the sangria, and I didn’t pose very flatteringly, but holy shit I look like a MONSTER. A fucking TROLL. It’s horrifying. Fuckfuckfuckfuck tomorrow I’m hiking up a mountain, so I will eat breakfast, but I’m not eating anything else. This CANNOT happen again.
This will not happen again.
[Discussion] Has anyone else cut off a friend they genuinely like bc of triggers??
/u/mina1200
Created: Mon May 21 12:56:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l3b05/has_anyone_else_cut_off_a_friend_they_genuinely/
---
I have a friend who is honestly so amazing, encouraging, inspiring and kind (basically ticks all the ‘good friend’ boxes). But she’s a fitness blogger/body builder who constantly does these ‘physique update’ videos and posts, *constantly* talks about how to make these low-cal protein meals or whatever (and goes through them step by step), posts about doing an ‘hour cardio sesh’ every other day and how she snacks on cucumber or other healthy snacks and it’s. So. Triggering.
And it brings on the weird super obsessive competitive side of my ED (or what I think it is), and I can just *FEEL* it trying to make me despise her (which I kind of lowkey do but this is just my stubborn ED talking).... I feel so sad because I don’t mean to push her away but just seeing all these posts and listening to her talk about her ‘cut’ (some fitness term for reducing caloric intake so you lose fat) makes me want to scream. And I kind of hate myself for it. Ugh.
Why is everything so triggering?
/u/gothqueeen
Created: Mon May 21 12:32:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l346c/why_is_everything_so_triggering/
---
hey. it’s been a while.
My boyfriend made a new friend and she’s much skinnier than me. I weigh in at 165 and she’s *maybe* 130. She’s small. And cute. And I hate her.... because I want to be her. I (irrationally) fear he will leave me for her because I’m a fat slob. It’s triggered every self destructive habit I have. Ugh.
Told my husband about my ED
/u/Poopoodemons
Created: Mon May 21 12:31:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l33xt/told_my_husband_about_my_ed/
---
And he’s so supportive! He says he supports me no matter what and will help me with whatever I need. I’m not interested in recovery atm and since My BMI is normal my weight isn’t really a concern. He just cares that I’m healthy. It’s such a relief to be able to be open with him about my thoughts and triggers and insecurities. I don’t know why I was so reluctant to tell him. Just reaffirms my decision to marry him. I love this man.
Weight loss surgery on a skinny person?!
/u/Miss_Sangwitch
Created: Mon May 21 12:15:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2zmf/weight_loss_surgery_on_a_skinny_person/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSyIyFA2jks&t=731s
Secret Facebook Group?
/u/wishfulthinkings
Created: Mon May 21 11:51:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2s32/secret_facebook_group/
---
I know this has been asked but those posts are very old and I don't know how many people are still active from those posts. I also know many of you avoid any potential of privacy risks and don't want anybody finding out who you are but I am not super concerned with that for myself personally and want something that might be more community like.
If there isn't anything out there, then I may ask to be added back into the slack channel but I figured I would try and see if there is a secret Facebook group.
Going On Vacation and I Will Not Enjoy It
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Mon May 21 11:44:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2q08/going_on_vacation_and_i_will_not_enjoy_it/
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were leaving on a family trip to spain this week, and it makes me want to stab my leg. not only will i be around family members 24/7 for a week, we will also be eating mainly restaurant food. my mom will start yelling at me if i only order salads.
r.i.p. progress
[Rant/Rave] Safe food hell
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Mon May 21 11:41:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2p4s/safe_food_hell/
---
https://i.redd.it/oi1z13suw8z01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I have an eating disorder where a personality should be
/u/CeciNestPasOP
Created: Mon May 21 11:40:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2oyq/i_have_an_eating_disorder_where_a_personality/
---
(there really isn't a point to this post, but I wanted to share it with people who would understand)
There was a post in a student peer group of Facebook asking how you think you'll be remembered by your classmates - I don't participate in any events or club activities, so I added that I would probably be remembered as someone that mostly kept her head down in the program. A very sweet, very well-meaning friend commented that actually, "I remember you as always having come back from the gym, and whenever I see you eating it's chicken breast and broccoli". I know she probably just meant that I'm """"fit""" but... Dang. That's what people know me by. My ed behaviors.
When you post on r/rateme...
/u/Zerocarbstudent
Created: Mon May 21 11:33:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2n47/when_you_post_on_rrateme/
---
....and before anyone can destroy you on reddit, the people of Imgur go for it.
[Photo 1](https://imgur.com/gallery/KgmvaeT)
[Photo 2](https://imgur.com/gallery/oBNYUwg)
I give up. I literally cannot believe that for 0.0002 seconds, I assumed I’d be accepted as I am.
[Rant/Rave] Binged in the name of “Recovery” for three and a half weeks and gained 13 pounds
/u/shharkie
Created: Mon May 21 11:31:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2mpc/binged_in_the_name_of_recovery_for_three_and_a/
---
Honestly feel so sick to my stomach right now. I binged almost every single day for three and a half weeks, and my friend made me want to relapse yesterday. She mentioned how often she forgets to eat, and how she only had an egg breakfast sandwich the previous day.
Why did I have to gain all this weight at the beginning of the warm seasons ;-;
Eating a normal amount of nourishing food actually feels GREAT
/u/an_anon93
Created: Mon May 21 11:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2m93/eating_a_normal_amount_of_nourishing_food/
---
I’m trying to do that today. Eat when I’m hungry, stop when I’m full, and eat things that are good for my body. It’s going well so far...but I know it’s only a matter of time before that voice is like “hey better go binge on everything you have in the kitchen”
And then “better fast all day tomorrow you fat piece of shit”
🙃
I’m so baffled that eating is just easy and non-emotional for some people
Friends Are Making My Appetite Disappear
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Mon May 21 11:21:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2jzi/friends_are_making_my_appetite_disappear/
---
I *hate* this shit because I have my best friend who ghosted me without explanation trying to come back and friends who are genuinely mad at me because they think I chose my ED and my depression over them? Oh yeah I love being completely isolated and mentally unstable! Way more fun than a normal healthy social life! And now they wanna go back to being friends.
I have finals tonight and I'm just tired and I was hungry until all of this happened. Now I plan to fast for the rest of the day because of this. All I crave now is a cigarette and a monster.
Should change my username to [Ciggy Jackdaw](http://imgur.com/xdQvhoz).
It needs MORE calories?
/u/mintfleur
Created: Mon May 21 11:15:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2i9h/it_needs_more_calories/
---
https://i.redd.it/fu7y5nmas8z01.jpg
If you could have any model's measurements?
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Mon May 21 11:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2hsn/if_you_could_have_any_models_measurements/
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Which one. Also, pictures please!
[Tip] How do you manage to restrict without losing concentration and energy?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Mon May 21 11:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2dso/how_do_you_manage_to_restrict_without_losing/
---
To be honest, I am now only drinking four cups of coffee (89kcal) everyday for past two days, and I am losing weight because of it. But I am losing my concentration a bit. So how do you guys manage to keep a low kcal diet without feeling this way? any advice? thanks:)
[Rant/Rave] "If you want to lose weight just eat less"
/u/Bleepbloopbroke
Created: Mon May 21 10:50:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l2aix/if_you_want_to_lose_weight_just_eat_less/
---
That's what my bf said to me.
I have no idea how I should take this. But I'm gonna use it as motivation to lose because he clearly is okay with it.
[Discussion] do you guys use total cals or net cals
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Mon May 21 10:37:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l26y0/do_you_guys_use_total_cals_or_net_cals/
---
just wondering whats more popular
ED Books?
/u/captain_peanutbutter
Created: Mon May 21 10:32:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l25iz/ed_books/
---
I've seen quite a few posts floating around here that ask about ED shows and movies, but not any about books so far - I'm slightly addicted to reading ED books and would love to know you guys' recommendations! Feel like I've read all the "classics" of ED fiction and would love something new to get into...
[Discussion] Who here has reached their goal weight and did all the things they wanted?
/u/maddie_mj_lewis
Created: Mon May 21 09:34:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l1p9w/who_here_has_reached_their_goal_weight_and_did/
---
Like always wanting to wear those cute clothes or dress a certain way or finally enjoying your life being really skinny? Has anyone achieved that? Finally getting to wear tight crop tops and look great in every picture?
[Rant/Rave] Seriously considering dropping out of high school.
/u/taiteisnotcool
Created: Mon May 21 09:34:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l1p91/seriously_considering_dropping_out_of_high_school/
---
I’m 16, been in and out of school because of my ed and depression and now the school year is closing out and I’m not sure I’ll even pass my sophomore year. Nothing seems worth it anymore and my doctors want me to go away to residential or do partial hospitalization again but if things don’t get better with the way I’m going they think I’ll be headed to inpatient for the second time from malnutrition. I’m currently out on a “medical leave” and going in to my school 3 times a week to work with a teacher and I also have a tutor but I honestly don’t even know if I’ll be able to sit for exams and that’s the only way I can pass. it seems like I’m better off just dropping out since my whole high school career is shit anyway.
[Other] Any other cis girls wear chest binders?
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Mon May 21 09:06:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l1hvg/any_other_cis_girls_wear_chest_binders/
---
I'm not trans but I wear a chest binder because I have DDs that I feel make me look obese. I feel much skinnier with a flat chest. Anyone else do this? Thoughts?
[Rant/Rave] Mad that Wellbutrin isn’t taking away my appetite
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Mon May 21 08:54:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l1ehg/mad_that_wellbutrin_isnt_taking_away_my_appetite/
---
When I first started taking it, my appetite had diminished significantly. Now, it’s just barely gone down, but I’m mostly still getting hungry like I normally would. Maybe it’s the dosage? Don’t remember how much I was taking back when I first took it.
[Help] (TMI) Laxatives / bleeding?
/u/clockworkorange_
Created: Mon May 21 08:42:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l1bhn/tmi_laxatives_bleeding/
---
For post binge related reasons I've been taking the recommended dose of Dulcolax for the past three days (1-2 each night) and this morning I woke up with blood in my underwear, doesn't seem to be coming from my backside - could the laxatives bring on an early period? I'm not due until 6th/7th June and I'm normally very regular. Has anyone else experienced this?? It has continued throughout today so far
also FYI: took my last dose of laxatives last night, will wait a few days to see if the bleeding stops, if not I'll be heading to my GP
My current crush is making me feel like a lil hippo troll
/u/TinyJarOfRocks
Created: Mon May 21 07:57:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l0zut/my_current_crush_is_making_me_feel_like_a_lil/
---
I’m trying to get back into the dating scene lately, but more seriously instead of just constant casual sex. I’ve had a flock of real cuties asking me out and it does wonders for my self esteem.
But...about a month ago I met a dude who was just...so fucking handsome. He’s 6’1 and so thin and has beautiful tattoos and great facial hair and toned arms and just...no body fat.
It’s so triggering to the point where even though he makes me laugh and feel good and is obviously interested, I still feel miserable around him. I feel anxious, ugly, and uninteresting.
To top it off I am have a boring office management job and he literally has his own graphic novel that he illustrates, produces, and sells.
Why is dating so difficult with an ED?
[Rant/Rave] Closet eating is ruining my life.
/u/peoniesanddoubt
Created: Mon May 21 07:39:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l0vqh/closet_eating_is_ruining_my_life/
---
Okay, so this is embarrassing. I don’t have anyone IRL to talk to about this, so I’d thought I’d post here. I don’t really fully binge anymore, but I have become a horrible closet eater. Which is making me feel awful and is keeping me at the same weight for 2 years. I eat really healthy, a normal day I wouldn’t eat more than 1200 just naturally, but I’m eating so much that I’m going a little about myTDEE everyday and staying the same weight. I’ve been married for a few years. He’s incredible, kind, and very loving. He is a registered dietitian and in incredible shape. He’s extremely intelligent and is literally a Food expert. I should specify that he hasn’t been specially trained in eating disorders. He has more knowledge than most people about them, but doesn’t fully get it. (Bonus: he looks identical to Tom Hardy, which is mostly fun 😜)
BUT...
It breaks my heart to admit this; his job and everything all triggers me. I think due to this triggering, it has caused me to eat bad food when people aren’t around, using the bathroom, or not in the car with me. I hide wrappers in the trash or move stuff around in packages to make it look like I didn’t eat any. I feel really ashamed. It’s getting bad. I don’t even realize what I’m doing until the end of my day. If anyone has dealt with this, could you let me know how you stopped the habit? The cravings? Anything?
could we have some penpals setup similar to /r/anonymouspals?
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Mon May 21 07:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l0vll/could_we_have_some_penpals_setup_similar_to/
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Ive tried to set up some anon pen pals at their sub before, but its more than a little dead and people stop responding after awhile. to quote their sidebar:
>At /r/anonymouspals you have an opportunity to penpal in an unique way. The idea would be to e-mail/send a letter to each other anonymously maybe once a week/fortnight. The catch will be that the e-mails/letters you send will be your own, completely inharmonious with one another. Therefore it wouldn't be so much a conversation between one another but more akin to reading someone's own life story. It seems quite counter-intuitive when seeking a pen'pal', however I'd liken it the same as growing an attachment to a character in a novel.
Ive always really liked this idea. like sending your diary/journal entry for the day to a stranger, and in return you get theirs without ever directly replying to one another. It seems like a nice way to feel less alone, especially with what we all deal with here.
If anyone is interested in doing something like this, i would be happy to do this every day/other day on here (or on a throwaway email i set up months ago for anonpals that never got used). I just wanna be able to put out there how my day went, what i did for intake/exercise, how im feeling, etc.
or i suppose you could comment below to get your own anonpal pitch out there too? c:
slightly off topic/rant - panic attacks and soreness
/u/abrahamgeorgelincoln
Created: Mon May 21 07:35:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l0uqm/slightly_off_topicrant_panic_attacks_and_soreness/
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I had a two hour long, intense panic attack last night. Ugh. The full nine yards. Hysterically crying, hyperventilating, kicking my legs, face numb, trembling. I got barely any sleep. Now I'm at work the next morning and I am in so much pain. My whole body aches. It feels like I was fucking hit by bus or was beat with a bat. I am seriously in shock at how physically horrible this feels the next day. I wish I could just curl up with a heating pad in bed. I don't even have any ibruprofen or anything.
[Other] I want to train myself to not eat
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Mon May 21 07:30:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l0tkv/i_want_to_train_myself_to_not_eat/
---
If I use negative reinforcement, like cutting or burning or snapping myself with a rubber band, when I get hungry, eventually I’ll negatively associate hunger with not eating. Thus, I won’t have as many cravings and will eat less when I do.
[Rant/Rave] Just broke up with my boyfriend.
/u/fiyacht524
Created: Mon May 21 07:03:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l0ndw/just_broke_up_with_my_boyfriend/
---
We'd been going out for almost 18 months (next month lol), but recently thing were just too difficult. Not even in terms of my ED or his mental health, just in general it was like we were drifting away from one another. I still love him so it was really hard to do, but it's for the best in the long run, for both of us.
However he asked what some of my reasons were, I told him his weight was one for sure (he was overweight when we met and has put on lots more in the meantime). I said it was starting to trigger me, and he then turned around and said me not eating, and him seeing me so skinny makes him want to eat more and more. Kind of hurt my feelings because I never knew I affected him like that.
Anyway, haven't eaten in three days cos I've a weigh in now. Going home later to eat pizza with my mom and cry, and I'm not going to care about the calories. Sorry for the wall of text, just needed to tell someone cos my friends don't know about me ED!
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! May 21, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 21 06:14:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l0co6/weekly_stats_update_may_21_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for May 21, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 21, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 21 06:14:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l0cmv/daily_food_diary_may_21_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 21, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] Ppl treat me so much better?
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Mon May 21 06:05:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l0ara/ppl_treat_me_so_much_better/
---
Even when I just drop a few lbs it's like everyone loves me? Why? Am I that worthless 10 lbs heavier (I bet I haven't even lost that?) Idk I don't own a scale..
First 10k steps in almost half a year since my BED started. Never thought this day would come.
/u/pegasib
Created: Mon May 21 05:42:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l065d/first_10k_steps_in_almost_half_a_year_since_my/
---
https://i.redd.it/50821b8x47z01.jpg
[Goal] One week binge free!
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Mon May 21 05:24:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l02k6/one_week_binge_free/
---
My ED usually manifests itself as restrictive, but I always end up erasing the weight I’ve lost by restricting Monday-Friday by binging Saturday and Sunday; it sucks! But this past week I have been officially binge free for a week! I feel less self loathing and more in control. Also, the scale for the first time since I was really sick four months ago (I binged back the weight ffs) is under 8st! It’s 7st 13 this morning and I can’t wait to reach gw1 which is 7st 12 😁
It’s starting to seem realistic I might have a body I’m ~moderately~ comfortable with being seen in a bikini over summer!
I take this as a personal challenge
/u/Wigforfire
Created: Mon May 21 05:21:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l01zu/i_take_this_as_a_personal_challenge/
---
https://i.imgur.com/lnJhUnX.jpg
Made my mom cry..
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Mon May 21 05:19:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8l01nw/made_my_mom_cry/
---
I live separately from my parents, so they really can't monitor my food intake except for when we eat out. But it's incredibly easy to make that my OMAD, only eat half, or sometimes purge it.
However, in the last month I've lost roughly 10 pounds and it's really showing since I got into the 130s. I came over to do laundry yesterday and my mom was all excited to show me she had picked up some groceries for me (I think they've convinced themselves that my problem is being a broke college student who can't afford food). Well... of course it was all of my trigger foods. Dave's bread, JIF PB, cheese, bananas, granola, mixed in with some safe stuff (basically veggies lmao).
Maybe off topic, but I think it's relevant. I'm Bipolar II and I've been going through a fairly intense hypomanic phase for the last 2 weeks. Those who have been through it know how easily aggravated you can get. I try my absolute hardest and 99% of the time am able to stay a good person to be around. But yesterday, I was just plain mean to my mom for BUYING ME GROCERIES! I went on and on about how I don't eat bread much and I haven't had PB in my house since January. And she stayed quiet and finally just said,"I just don't want you to be hungry.."
Ugh, I'm so upset with my reaction and also with my ED in general and the fact that I don't want to give it up. I apologized profusely to her btw but :(
[Rant/Rave] youre so boney or how can a morning comment make your entire day
/u/cozyday
Created: Mon May 21 02:22:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kz9lm/youre_so_boney_or_how_can_a_morning_comment_make/
---
OK so my bf is someone that rarely compliments me. I know he loves me and finds me pretty but he is not very vocal about it and that's fine. That's just how he is.
BUT this morning, when we woke up he hugged me and I had this very thin fabric shirt on and when he had his hands on my back he feeled me a couple of times and said "you're so boney, you have nothing on your bones". Oh my god I could just cry right there! That felt so good. I can't remember the last time I felt so good about myself.
Especially because I've been eating a bit more than usual to prevent binges (which is working, but the progress is kinda slower than I'd like). I'm not even underweight yet (19.1) but now I'm so damn motivated to get there! Looks like it will be a fasting day.
I finally feel like I'm making some progress and I can already taste (ha!) the happiness that comes with my gw approaching.
[Discussion] Does anyone else have trouble drinking water?
/u/signpostsally
Created: Mon May 21 01:36:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kz2vr/does_anyone_else_have_trouble_drinking_water/
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I know it’s healthy and I should but after I drink even like a glass of it I feel disgusting and heavy, and I’m used to weighing myself dry so I’m scared of all the water weight I’d gain if I started drinking regularly instead of half a glass every few weeks lmao. I know it’s maybe not logical but just having it in my stomach feels disgusting
I finally feel good, but it might all go away :(
/u/QuantumSolace45
Created: Mon May 21 01:04:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kyxnv/i_finally_feel_good_but_it_might_all_go_away/
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I finally feel good about myself as i'm dropping weight and getting compliments. Due to some meds I recently went on, I dont feel hunger at breakfast or lunch and barley at dinner. I would just eat dinner as my mum made it. But she keeps wanting me to eat all the time. She gets mad at me and threatens to change my meds. I dont give a shit how its affecting me, I look and feel good and guys are noticing me. How do I get my mum of my back.
I'm not looking to be cured either. I'm finally happy and I'll be find
[Help] How do you sign up for a gym and not panic?
/u/songfireleaf
Created: Mon May 21 00:19:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kyqjo/how_do_you_sign_up_for_a_gym_and_not_panic/
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I am a very anxious person and situations where I don't know what's gonna happen set my anxiety off really hard. I'm going to be signing up for a gym soon because the calorie panic is Very Real™ and I need a way burn them other than just walking like 7 miles a day. I'm gonna be signing up regardless of comments, but if people could share experiences/tips (or how they stayed calm if they were also really anxious) that would be amazing. Knowing more or less what to expect helps cut down on the anxiety a TON.
Boyfriend wants me to be skinny
/u/DamnPolygalaceae
Created: Mon May 21 00:16:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kyq1y/boyfriend_wants_me_to_be_skinny/
---
This isn’t my biggest issue but it does annoy me thinking about it... I lost a lot of weight when I first started dating my boyfriend because i was too embarrassed eating in front of him (stupid I know) and once I started losing I couldn’t stop. It’s been nearly 3 years and I’m at the smallest weight I’ve ever been. He clearly knows I lost weight because he’s brang it up before but not once had he told me to stop!! I’m not embarrassed to eat in front of him anymore lol but i feel like he wants me to stay small/get smaller, he’s never said it straight out but he’ll make little hints like once he’s finished eating his dinner he’ll take my plate (even if it’s not completely finished) and if I eat more than him in a day he’ll point it out and just little things like that. I’m not even sure if he’s doing it on purpose or if I’m just overthinking or if he just doesn’t want me getting big again??? I don’t know my head is all over the place lmao
[Rant/Rave] I’ve gained 8lbs in 8 days
/u/calynclare
Created: Mon May 21 00:14:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kypsc/ive_gained_8lbs_in_8_days/
---
(5’ 8”, 18 f, HW: 196 UGW: 125)
you wouldn’t think it’s possible, but it is! due to exams and parties and constantly being offered food (i’m terrible at turning down food when it’s offered to me), i’ve binged the past eight days. i was 143 lbs eight days ago (my LW), and this morning i woke up at 149.6 lbs. and today i binged again due to another food-filled party, so i will probably weigh 151 in the morning! WONDERFUL!
my goal was to be 140 lbs by graduation. graduation is this saturday. if i hadn’t spent the past week consuming enough food to sustain a small nation, i would most likely have reached my goal.
i feel disgusting and helpless. the binging feels so uncontrollable. after eating under 400 cals every day for the past month, after eating 1000, my stomach starts to hurt. i keep eating, though, even though it’s VERY PHYSICALLY PAINFUL. i think it’s habit from the past two years when i was around 196 lbs. i used to eat and eat and eat, and that’s what i’ve been doing for the past week.
i’m terrified of my old habits coming back. a week ago, i’d lost over 50 lbs total. now i’m back up almost 10 lbs.
i hate this so much.
[Rant/Rave] I just need to tell someone
/u/rachydee123
Created: Sun May 20 23:45:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kyl60/i_just_need_to_tell_someone/
---
I’ve just had liposuction. I’m in so much pain. I don’t know why I’m telling you but I am. I haven’t told anyone else. Cost me $20,000. But so far, I’m loving the results. Instantaneous and completely unachievable through restriction and or purging. Even at my lowest weight I could not get rid of back fat. Thanks for listening. Sorry if this is inappropriate to write here , I just need to let it out.
I thought I was getting better, I just don't know what to do anymore.
/u/Isawhercry
Created: Sun May 20 23:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kyiks/i_thought_i_was_getting_better_i_just_dont_know/
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Im vin, 20 years old, male, and I been battling bulimia for about 2 years now and I thought I was finally recovered. I go thru these phases of a week of binging and then weeks where i can get a better grasp on it. I used to purge but i stopped for about 8 months and reccently I had been noticing my binging and obessiveness has been getting worse and worse and the other night I wanted to purge again but I fought against the urge. I just dont know what to do anymore, I was finally getting better as it seemed and now it feels like im going back into the uncontrollable loop of binging. One thing I should probably say is I dont eat thru out the day, and only binge at nighttime before i go to bed I started to intermittent fast and I dont really get hungy thru out the day time so idk if that is a big problem, but im just at an all time low and i seriously cannot live like this anymore, I cant fall back down again. I have a wonderful girlfriend who loves me very much, and I have a job and school and all this is making me wanna drop out of life again and not be seen. I could really use some help, thanks reddit.
[Rant/Rave] No self control at all
/u/PainlessMe
Created: Sun May 20 23:29:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kyijt/no_self_control_at_all/
---
I’m not even really angry at myself for doing this because I’m still maintaining at most so like I’m not a complete disappointment
Okay I bought a jar of peanut butter on friday and it was a new flavour that I hadn’t tried before (crunchy honey), and it’s so great! Now the slight problem I’m having is that I bought it on friday, had it on one slice of bread at most and now the jar is empty. I fucking ate a whole jar of peanut butter in three days. Wtf is wrong with me.
[Rant/Rave] Hurt but Not Shocked
/u/concrete_fossil
Created: Sun May 20 23:10:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kyf94/hurt_but_not_shocked/
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I met up with my emotionally manipulative ex because he wanted me to "hear him out" I know how bad of a decision that was, but it's too late to undo it now.
He knows I've been struggling with restricting again and he knows how serious I can get since I went into inpatient care while we were dating. Obviously the first thing he said to me was "wow! You look really great! You're down what, 10-15 pounds?" I have crap self esteem and he knows I have this pathetic need for his approval and he's an actual monster so I know he didn't forget about my eating disorder. I'm just frustrated because he claims to love me and is actively trying to wreck my current relationship even though it has been over a year since we broke up. And it sucks because even though I have him blocked and know that contacting him is the worst choice I could make, there's a hue part of my that wants to drop everything and believe him when he says he's ready to try again.
Sorry I'm really just shouting into the void because not many people know the full situation.
TW for food. Is this accurate? About 12 rolls in the package
/u/stickbuggy
Created: Sun May 20 22:34:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ky8rp/tw_for_food_is_this_accurate_about_12_rolls_in/
---
https://imgur.com/a/lVO9Aqq
MyFitnessPal
/u/redeyesredbull
Created: Sun May 20 22:11:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ky4il/myfitnesspal/
---
I re-downloaded. I currently weigh 160 pounds. My last weigh in about a year ago was 119. FML I didn’t know it was that bad :( 5 day fast here I come.
Frequent purgers help me thanks
/u/Egleriel
Created: Sun May 20 21:54:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ky10t/frequent_purgers_help_me_thanks/
---
I'm suoer drunk 😣 ice besn pukinv for the past 39 mi nutes and my boyfriend is about to call after like 2 weeks for not talking to me
What can i do yo seem more normal ... I'm blowinv mh nose to get all the chunks out Nd I'm aboyg to bloe my nose agai. For the 12th time thanks un advance
[Rant/Rave] “Aren’t you scared of getting fat?”
/u/ktlee414
Created: Sun May 20 21:48:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxzsi/arent_you_scared_of_getting_fat/
---
I started testosterone a month ago and it made me realize just how tied together my ED and my dysphoria are. I was pretty much recovered after starting and was just enjoying myself and food for the first time since I was a kid.
But every single goddamn time I mention how T makes me more hungry, my mom and aunt always mention how I shouldn’t eat so much because they don’t want me getting fat. The title of this post is something my aunt told me the other day as we were eating. My aunt also told me all about how my body fat is all going to go to my stomach like a dude. So when I mentioned I was thinking about working out she excitedly interrupted me and said “like cardio?!?!” I told her how this upset me and she said she wasn’t going to mention it again but just yesterday she mentioned working out again.
I’ve pretty much relapsed at this point, can barely shower without feeling disgusted, and I’m just so fucking angry. I was doing so well with not caring about my weight and just enjoying food without feeling guilty and my aunt and mom just had to fucking take it away. Right now I can’t quit staring at my thighs and how massive they are. I feel disgusting. I fucking hate them. All my life they’ve given me shit about my weight and I’m sick and tired of it. I thought it was gonna stop once I transitioned but nope. And honestly it just makes me think that they still see me as a girl because they sure don’t give my other male relatives this nonsense.
So yeah. I’m gonna lose all this weight and hopefully they’ll shut up or maybe for once be concerned about my wellbeing for a legitimate reason.
[Rant/Rave] People Coming Here for ED Advice or Otherwise Not Following Rules
/u/Rickticia
Created: Sun May 20 21:40:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxyba/people_coming_here_for_ed_advice_or_otherwise_not/
---
Sorry guys and gals, quick rant. It’s so frustrating seeing people come into our safe space and acting like they’re in a how-to forum. People will come here with a two day old account and treat recovery like a button you press and you’re magically cured, or ask how to get better at purging.
Ugh, I wish they wouldn’t treat our illnesses as diets that can be stopped at the snap of a finger, or portray them as choices. I get enough of that IRL.
I do wonder how they find our sub. I’m just glad that throwaways keep so many more hostile people out 😊.
[Help] Has anyone tried meditation?
/u/bearantennae8611
Created: Sun May 20 21:29:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxvzf/has_anyone_tried_meditation/
---
I really think it’s time for me to start meditating and taking it seriously for anxiety and personal reasons. I think it could possibly help with my binge eating too.
Does anyone know of any good meditation podcasts, YouTube videos, or online resources that can help me? I’ve tried before in the past but never for specific reasons like EDs and anxiety. I never stuck with it.
[Help] I'm tired of fighting this. I've been fighting for so long.
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Sun May 20 21:17:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxtsp/im_tired_of_fighting_this_ive_been_fighting_for/
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Hi, I've had ednos\(ana\), then ortho, then BED. I've been fighting some form of ED for the past 6 years. I know some people fight for a lot longer but I don't think I can take much more. I have no willpower left in me. Please help me, what do I do? I have no control any more. Right now I am in a weird limbo where I bounce back and forth binging \(10%\), restricting \(5%\), ortho \(20%\), and giving up \(65%\). Of course these are all estimates.
Please help, I can't fight any more. I just want this ED stuff to be over.
[Rant/Rave] This sub has changed for the worst and I regret coming back.
/u/atexasgal
Created: Sun May 20 21:12:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxsrc/this_sub_has_changed_for_the_worst_and_i_regret/
---
My old username was /u/iamabaguetteama. You can find it in old threads from 2016. I have been suffering from an eating disorder since 3.5 years.
Ive been feeling like I needed some extra support lately, tough times and shit, and I came back, because it’s nice to have a community of people who just get it.
Wow. In not even an hour back here, I’ve faced more hostility than I EVER have on MPA. Disappointed in the direction this sub has gone. Congrats on bullying an anorexic teenager, you know who you are. I hope you’re just having a bad day and aren’t regularly this nasty
I NEVER said that recovery is easy or doesn’t come with its own challenges. I said that on a date I’ve determined, I think I will be mentally ready to recover and will try to start.
Anyways, thanks to this sub for being a nice place for lonely 14 year old me to hang out way back when. I miss it.
[Thinspo] Any male thinspo?
/u/Maguc
Created: Sun May 20 21:03:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxqr9/any_male_thinspo/
---
The overwhelming majority of thinspo is female, and that really doesn't resonate with me as well
a guy.
And any time I search up thinspo I see the same 3-4 pictures of always, so I was wondering if anyone had some good male thinspo galleries?
[Goal] Some important days for me.
/u/atexasgal
Created: Sun May 20 20:51:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxoaa/some_important_days_for_me/
---
July 12 I will stop this. I will start eating normally and forget I ever had an eating disorder. Until then, I will eat 1300 a day MAX. NO bingeing. And NO restricting under 700 because that always leads to bingeing.
August 20. August 20 I will start at a new high school where I know nobody. They won’t remember the fat, 122 lb me. They’ll just know the skinny me. The version of me who thots around all she wants and is never afraid to wear tight clothes or eat in public
August 25. August 25, I will take the SAT. And I will get a 1540 or above. And an 800 on math. And if I don’t? I’ll study more and retake it.
You guys, I feel so much pressure to just be perfect. And I don’t even know where it comes from. My parents would be fine with me just going to Texas A&M, that’s where my siblings all went. But IM not happy with that. And what kills me is that I know I’ll never be happy with what I do. I’ll always wish I was more accomplished, making more money, having a higher GPA, etc. I’ll never appreciate what I have accomplished.
[Rant/Rave] Almost 18 !! :0
/u/bpdix
Created: Sun May 20 20:46:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxnde/almost_18_0/
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my birthday is in just a little more then 24 hours (may 22) !! im 18, and im celebrating by going to this restaurant with really yummy and big pizza slices, so im going to get a vegan slice (300 cals maybe?) and then some birthday cake halo top :’)
[Rant/Rave] Sure just go gamble the rent money away...
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Sun May 20 20:26:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxj0r/sure_just_go_gamble_the_rent_money_away/
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Well, my Mom and I had a argument. I asked earlier if there was any oil in one of her recipes, there was. Later she asks why I asked and I said so I could put it in MyFitnessPal.
Then she starts about how counting calories doesn’t work and how I am still fat so it must not be working. I eventually tell her to go fuck herself.
Then she decides to punish me by going to the casino, she knows I hate her going there bc she has a gambling problem.
Eventually she gambles all of her money away and comes back to the car, she tries to talk to me. I say I do not want to talk about food and weight with her anymore.
She says she does not want to talk about it either and is only talking about it bc I am her kid and she loves me (yeah right).
She claims I do not really have a ED and that I am making it up. And that if I really had a ED I would exercise.
I am so done with her and her shit. I am getting a real job and saving up to move the fuck out. I don’t care anymore.
She is narcissistic and toxic.
[Rant/Rave] I DIDN'T let my eating disorder ruin my family outing today!
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Sun May 20 20:24:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kximk/i_didnt_let_my_eating_disorder_ruin_my_family/
---
if you saw my post yesterday you'd know that my eating disorder ruined my family
outing yesterday.
well today is day 3 of my visit and i WAS NOT going to let it happen today. i took my
little sister to the park and even choked down a samosa and chugged a monster so i'd actually have some energy to play with her. obviously i was still sluggish from weeks of restriction, but i pushed through and had fun.
fuck you, ED
[Rant/Rave] Flirting And Low Self Esteem
/u/arandomnamebcimlazy
Created: Sun May 20 20:22:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxiab/flirting_and_low_self_esteem/
---
I’ve been talking to this really cute guy for about a week now. Things have been going really good and I really like him, but I feel like I’m not good enough for him. Today, he started really getting into what he was attracted to and although I know it wasn’t meant to be hurtful, my self esteem has been dragged through the mud. Now I just wanna binge eat and cry on the floor in a ball. I wish he would just friend zone me and ghost at this rate because now every time I text him, I just feel sad.
[Thinspo] thinspo question
/u/Dingletringle2
Created: Sun May 20 20:16:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxgxf/thinspo_question/
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I was wondering why it seems like people here get inspiration from seeing thin people. I've been told by my therapist that that's a common cause of binging...
No, not much... I'm feeling very attacked right now.
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo
Created: Sun May 20 20:11:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxfvx/no_not_much_im_feeling_very_attacked_right_now/
---
https://i.redd.it/k71iginvx2z01.png
What supplements do you take when you restrict?
/u/abrahamgeorgelincoln
Created: Sun May 20 20:04:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxeda/what_supplements_do_you_take_when_you_restrict/
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What should I be worried about becoming deficient in while restricting? I'm trying to make sure I'm getting electrolytes because I started to have chest pain. Think I might start needing iron too because I rarely eat meat and have some trouble breathing/being light headed. I restrict between 300-800 cal on average.
[Rant/Rave] im high and wanna binge so bad. I wrote it all down. I’ve had 6000 calories a day everyday for a week lol
/u/nchlaz
Created: Sun May 20 19:58:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxd87/im_high_and_wanna_binge_so_bad_i_wrote_it_all/
---
https://i.redd.it/439wfhyr84z01.jpg
Movie/show recommendations?
/u/milkseedly
Created: Sun May 20 19:53:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kxc4s/movieshow_recommendations/
---
Hi guys, hope everyone is doing well. I wanted to find something new to watch while I play the sims & avoid the kitchen.. What are some of your favorite things to watch? I do like ED related films but I'm down for anything rn.
18 years of this
/u/tofuchampion
Created: Sun May 20 19:29:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kx6xk/18_years_of_this/
---
I realized recently that it's been just over 18 years since the first time I purged. My eating was disordered before then, but in my mind that's when I crossed the line from "disordered eating" to "eating disorder."
It's been over half my life. In February of 2020 it'll be 20 years. I've had a couple of briefs remissions/recovery attempts in that time, and of course things wax and wane, but I've pretty much been bulimic for almost twenty goddamn years.
During my one time IP (well, ED-specific IP, anyway), there were a couple of people there who were in their 40's and beyond. It seemed sad to me, to spend one's whole life doing this. Of course that was 10 years ago and I was all bright-eyed and gung-ho about recovery, and never thought it would be me.
I'm going to be 35 next month. I'm still eating & puking my feelings on the regular. My weight is up and down - currently up at my highest ever. I have a job, a marriage, 2 kids, but I still haven't outgrown this shit.
No one knows. I did a couple of years of therapy and my husband thinks I'm recovered. I don't see the point in more therapy. Can't afford a higher level of care and probably don't qualify anyway.
This is it. This is my life and I will be bulimic forever, and that's just how it is.
Not looking for advice or anything, just don't have any other place to talk about this shit.
my self image change drastically after eating
/u/khreya27
Created: Sun May 20 19:24:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kx5wj/my_self_image_change_drastically_after_eating/
---
today i looked in the mirror and felt pretty damn good about myself and how i looked, but after eating a full meal all i could see was where the weight collected on my face and how uneven my features are :( i know that it was barely a few hours apart and they reasonably couldn't have been that different, but i still felt pretty terrible about the second image of myself. i feel like i'm never actually looking at myself, just some weird caricature of me.
wish i was a human being and not a shitty sadness filled version of a chameleon
i would never eat a pound of anything
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Sun May 20 19:18:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kx4io/i_would_never_eat_a_pound_of_anything/
---
https://i.redd.it/r2iyyoze14z01.png
[Help] I’m addicted to ice cream bars...
/u/GameofLoans16
Created: Sun May 20 19:14:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kx3ol/im_addicted_to_ice_cream_bars/
---
So, lately I’ve been craving sugar, particularly ice cream bars. I can’t get them out of my head.
On Reddit I saw someone post “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” I think this is true, although I wouldn’t know since I haven’t been skinny since age 6. Little incentive there. But, I do know that when eating foods, say ice cream bars, you eat them and in the moment you feel blissful...but then you finish the ice cream and you’re like “uhh, now the pleasure is gone. I need to eat another one to feel good again.” It’s very short-lived, but my pleasure-seeking brain doesn’t seem to focus on that when I get cravings.
Any strategies?
[Discussion] Pear mono diet
/u/elevenosix__
Created: Sun May 20 19:12:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kx3d6/pear_mono_diet/
---
Has anyone tried the pear mono diet? I'm starting one tomorrow. Does it work? I'm doing it for 5 days hopefully.
Should i make a post summarizing the experience?
[Help] any tips for keeping your weight UP?
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Sun May 20 19:10:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kx2ul/any_tips_for_keeping_your_weight_up/
---
i know this is terribly out of place here, but i'm in a very tight situation. i'm more or less constantly facing the threat of forced hospitalization, a trauma i am not prepared to endure again (thanks, American healthcare system) and i just need to get better at controlling my weight fluctuations. I sometimes manage to put on five extra pounds from my usual 80, but i always always always fall back down and it's exhausting. i have such a hard time keeping down any volume of food. i try my best with ensure shakes and candies and high calorie foods like that, but i honestly just barf too much to not constantly be yo-yoing like this.
i'm sick to death of constantly living under this fear hat i won't make weight at my next appointment.
i'm goin in tomorrow and i have absolutely no idea how much i weigh because my scale is broke and it's going to be 90 degrees so i can't layer up.
i wish i could just stop going but without my prescription my potassium will plummet and i'll be right back where i started.
it's such an odd sort of hell. i WANT to weigh more, i just can't handle having food inside me.
i'm not even sure if this is a rant or a plea for advice.
[Thinspo] You know you have a problem when even emaciated anime characters become thinspo 😓 (Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood)
/u/Bookeisha
Created: Sun May 20 19:02:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kx1a2/you_know_you_have_a_problem_when_even_emaciated/
---
https://i.redd.it/p9lk4u5ry3z01.png
[Goal] Finally got to a normal BMI!
/u/DietVenlafaxine
Created: Sun May 20 18:17:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kwrnv/finally_got_to_a_normal_bmi/
---
Lost 20 pounds, so much more to go. I weigh 140 and my previous LW was 105. But I am happy/ashamed not to be “overweight” anymore.
[Help] Help with grazing!
/u/runwithellisxx
Created: Sun May 20 17:38:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kwj7j/help_with_grazing/
---
I’ve never posted but I lurk a lot. Long story short is that I have a long history of AN-B/P. I got help a few years ago and ate super normally for a while, but that pesky “B” in the AN-B/P keeps popping up and I find myself overeating a lot. I’ve gained weight recently and I hate it. I felt okay at the weigh I was maintaining before, so I’m trying to get back there. Trouble is I can’t really purge if I’m just “grazing” and I’d rather just stop the grazing/overeating than purge.
I’m usually pretty good if I stick to the following:
- breakfast: 2 servings of fruit (120)
- lunch: fruit and greens larabar (260)
- afternoon snack: 1 larabar or 200 kcals of popcorn
- dinner: 300-450 kcal dinner, mostly veggies
- evening snack: smoothie (240)
- emergency snack (in case I’m dying!!) more popcorn or a larabar or more veggies
Any ideas? How do you guys stop yourself from grazing or emotionally eating? I feel like I’m eating frequently enough that this shouldn’t be happening! What normally happens is that I don’t have what I planned and I opt for something that’s not on this list at all.
Any help is appreciated!!!
[Help] Residential/IP experiences & tips?
/u/sirenloop
Created: Sun May 20 17:31:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kwhms/residentialip_experiences_tips/
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Hey, guys. I’m going IP at a hospital near-ish by (Charis Center in Indianapolis or Denver ACUTE - anyone been to either??) until I’m medically stable enough to be transferred to residential. I have to be hospitalized by this Friday at the latest for safety reasons (aka im dying - thanks anorexia)
I’m hoping to go to Castlewood in St. Louis after IP, does anyone have any experience there?
Any tips/tricks to get the most of the experience and not be miserable? I’m so so ready to recover and very excited to be in a space where that feels possible. What should I expect? This is my first severe anorexia relapse and first time in residential so I’m a bit lost.
Also, fave Netflix binge shows/books/activities for IP and Residential? Essential packing list? Things you wish you’d brought that you didn’t? General encouragement/words of wisdom? I’ll take it all.
Thanks!! Hope you all are doing well. <3
((posting this in proED too since it’s a bit more active but also posted in exproED))
[Discussion] DAE avoid seeing friends when they’ve gained weight?
/u/thrwy034hi
Created: Sun May 20 16:58:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kwag2/dae_avoid_seeing_friends_when_theyve_gained_weight/
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I haven’t seen my friends in 6 months. I keep canceling and declining invites. I’ve gained maybe 10 lbs and I genuinely don’t want them seeing me like this. They also will probably want to drink - I just became sober (I’ve said this a billion times too)
I just don’t know what to do. I keep blowing them off and I know I can’t keep doing this or else I’ll have 0 friends. I’m just so fat and anxious.
[Discussion] Eating disorders and relationships..i just need to get this out.
/u/toriaponte12
Created: Sun May 20 16:44:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kw764/eating_disorders_and_relationshipsi_just_need_to/
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I orginially was going to just confess that I just chew & spat a slice of pizza, but I ate the crust & just threw up the crust into an empty Victoria's Secret bag I found in my room. But then I thought about my boyfriend. He knows about my disorder. He knows I purge but I don't think he knows I chew and spit as well. He's big on trust and I told him every time i did "something" that I would tell him. A few days ago I told him I wasn't acting on my disorder and I wasn't lying. I ate like normal person. But recently I've been acting on them again. I want to tell him bc if I don't I feel like I'm lying to him. But I don't want to hurt him. As far as he knows I've been eating normally. Only I haven't. I want to tell him what I've been doing this week but I don't want him to worry or be hurt by me and my actions. But I don't want to lie to him either. I guess I'll just have to think about it tonight and decide to lie or fess up. Fess up and hurt him. Fess up and make him worry. Fess up and make him question why he's even with a sick girl like me..
[Discussion] Just want to process some thoughts about my experience with ed/recovery/weight gain
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sun May 20 16:36:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kw5ae/just_want_to_process_some_thoughts_about_my/
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I’m at work so I’m stuck in my head and obsessing about my ed and eating and I’m thinking about the times I tried to recover and how I can go from eating 1000’s of cals a day to fasting for days....
So thanks to anyone who actually reads this and I would love insight if anyone has anything to offer
So I’ve had my ed for like three years, pretty typical- started by trying to lose weight the healthy way then realized how much quicker it happens if you only eat once a day and don’t go over 1000 cals. I lost 20 lbs (from 150 to 130)
I could tell I was getting really bad so I tried to recover. This meant eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and no restrictions aka lots of bingeing in the beginning. I expected to blow up but I monitored my weight and gave myself a limit of how much I could gain. I went 8 months like this (of course the bingeing tapered off).
I only gained 10 lbs in that 8 months of eating like a normal person... like I was so terrified of gaining and that was it, 10 lbs is nothing compared to what I thought would happen and I was still under my starting weight.
But of course I got back into old habits and I wanted to get to 120 so I slowly picked up where I left off and ended up losing 35lbs to get down to where I’m at now- 105 (well 104 is my lw).
At that point I got into a relationship and started restricting less and eating more but still feeling disordered so I attempted psuedo recovery in March and stopped weighing myself and let myself eat whatever I wanted but not as much as I had in the past and still with fasting days (I should add I’ve done omad for like two years so eating whatever I want is still only once a day). I was 107 at the time. Since then I’ve been working out and for a time was eating like a pint of ice cream after eating out most nights of the week- so I was sure I had gained like 10lbs in the last two months.
I spiraled again and now I’m back to fasting for as long as I can and stressing about food and weight but when I weighed myself for the first time in two months I was 105.8. So still no weight gain.... in two months of soooo much food.
I just don’t get it, like I am super happy that I don’t yo-yo weight wise but I am still terrified of gaining weight even tho I have shown myself that that won’t happen easily. I see a lot of posts here about people falling off for a couple weeks and ruining all their progress and I am so scared of that happening. Any meal makes me feel huge, especially if I eat two days in a row.
There’s really no point to this. I just don’t know why I don’t gain like I’m afraid of and why I continue to be afraid if I don’t need to be.
I am in the beginning of a 96 hour fast and writing all of this out really makes me want to eat tonight......
I'm just posti g to say you guys are amazing and I love you
/u/Egleriel
Created: Sun May 20 16:21:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kw1sr/im_just_posti_g_to_say_you_guys_are_amazing_and_i/
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I jyst think you guys are the best. No matter what changes in my life or what account i switch to or amything you guys are here and accepting and just thre best group on the internet and I love you all and each and every single one of you is beautiful and i hope you never forget that no matter how rough it gets❤
[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend called me well-rounded
/u/cocochaichai
Created: Sun May 20 16:00:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kvwy1/my_boyfriend_called_me_wellrounded/
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I will now be fasting forever. Fuck trying to recover. He followed that up by saying “you’re perfect.” And I know he means I’m curvy and I know he likes that. But I seriously can’t get the words well-rounded out of my head. I just wanna never eat again, it makes me feel so gross and fat. Anyone else hate that term?? It just seems like a nice way to say you’re super chubby, I just feel like he’s disgusted by my body just as much as I am. I hadn’t felt like that in a while but now it’s all I can think about. As soon as he said it i had to put a shirt on immediately, even though I was actually feeling pretty confident and sexy before that statement. So yeah, sorry but I just needed to vent.
[Help] How to count calories at home?
/u/comrade_toastboy
Created: Sun May 20 15:02:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kvj1v/how_to_count_calories_at_home/
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During school, it was easy to restrict calories because counting was easy. But now at home everything is home cooked, and calorie counting is harder to do.
[Rant/Rave] I actually hate myself
/u/undertheweather123
Created: Sun May 20 15:01:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kviw1/i_actually_hate_myself/
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Well, I did it again. I was three pounds away from 120, which is not my goal weight at all, but is what I weigh “normally” (like when I’m not restricting or trying to lose weight, or b/p). I don’t love myself at 120, but after a major b/p phase and weight gain, it’s where I would start to feel comfortable about myself.
But, of course this isn’t a happy story about me weighing an average, normal amount and being happy. This is a story about me being a measly three pounds away from 120, and instead of continuing restriction and IF, I binge for three days and gain two pounds and am now back to 125. Pools open this weekend and I’m going to look like a fat cow.
Now, I have to fast for seven days to make up for it.
I wish so badly I could just eat like a normal person. I hate myself.
A song
/u/qu1et1
Created: Sun May 20 14:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kvghs/a_song/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otDBBx1CLd0
[Help] No apitite
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Sun May 20 14:48:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kvfmn/no_apitite/
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So I was able to get out of my relapse a week or so ago and I'm doing ok with food. But now I have no apitite and I feel so full after eating the smallest thing and I've been having digestion problems. Is this normal and will it go away?
[Discussion] Is this a choice?
/u/littlestpeach
Created: Sun May 20 14:30:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kvbax/is_this_a_choice/
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Had a weird conversation/argument? with my boyfriend just now. I confided in him that I have been struggling lately with my recovery and that I haven’t been eating normally and also that I didn’t eat at all today. He’s honestly amazing and I’m so grateful to have him in my life, but sometimes he just doesn’t know what to say when I talk about eating disorder stuff, and I don’t blame him I completely understand.
This time he told me that he was disappointed in me. Disappointed that I didn’t eat today. Disappointed that I “chose” to give in to my eating disorder. Disappointed that I “actively choose” to hurt myself and that I “actively choose” to not make an effort to get better.
Idk if I’d say it was my choice though. Maybe it is? I do want to get better. I do want to recover. Today was just really difficult though. I don’t know anymore. I’m just rlly sad.
Would you say that any of this is your choice? Or parts of it?
Can't escape woman-hating anywhere: there is nothing wrong with saying "girls" and "ladies".
/u/bleedingsnowblind
Created: Sun May 20 14:25:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kva2s/cant_escape_womanhating_anywhere_there_is_nothing/
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http://www.myproana.com/index.php/topic/367090-take-heed-please-stop-saying-girls-ladies-in-your-posts/page-3
I'm overweight and I hate myself for it
/u/anonymtsynonymt
Created: Sun May 20 13:48:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kv0zk/im_overweight_and_i_hate_myself_for_it/
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I have gained a lot of weight the last year and I have a really hard time restricting, I weight about 70kg and I'm 168cm. My goal for June is to at least get down to 64kg, I'm not sure how to do it though.
Severe Magnesium sickness
/u/glossboy
Created: Sun May 20 13:36:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kuy1m/severe_magnesium_sickness/
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Hi guys, this is so stupid because I literally made a post a week ago complaining about how I can't go and now I can't ***stop*** going. Basically what happened is that I normally take 2 magnesium pills \(Nature's Bounty\) if I need to really go. But I heard that most people take 3\-5 pills at a time so I thought maybe that would clear me up better because I'd been seriously backed up this time around. I took 3 or 4 pills one day and then the next day nothing happened so I took 2 pills. Nothing happened so I thought that I'd have to go eventually.
Fast forward two days and I start feeling sick and nauseous like car sick except I'm not in motion. I start going like crazy every 20 minutes and it's mostly just water. It was like that for two days and then I thought I felt better as my appetite finally came back \(the day prior I tried eating a hoagie and immediately threw it up\). I ate a donut and some home\-made food my mom made and a bit of the hoagie that was left. This morning I feel still nauseous and I'm going to the bathroom again and again.
It's been like 4 days now I thought magnesium pills wouldn't give such a severe reaction?! I have a vacation trip to leave for on Tuesday and I cannot be sick like this when I go \(12 hour bus ride\). I keep drinking water but I don't know what else to do. Do I have to check in with a doctor?!
I've also been getting these weird sulfur\-like burps.
I know you guys aren't doctors but if anyone experienced the same and can give me some tips please help.
How to ask for help?
/u/Lucifers_Girlfriend
Created: Sun May 20 13:36:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kuy0d/how_to_ask_for_help/
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I binged and purged four times yesterday, my third delivery of today will be here in minutes. My teeth hurt, my face is swollen, I haven’t been sleeping and my whole body hurts. I want to hurt, too.
How do I ask for help? I don’t have many friends, very few actually. The doctor refered me to a program that requires €5000 and a counseler sent me to the doctor. What can I do? How do I stop?
not intentionally restricting, but not forcing myself to stop restricting
/u/abrahamgeorgelincoln
Created: Sun May 20 13:35:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kuxrz/not_intentionally_restricting_but_not_forcing/
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is it the same thing? i wasn't looking to relapse. i'm on new meds that kill my appetite but in my twisted head i have no desire to fight it. i go back to log my meal from yesterday and realize i'm barely breaking 300cals a day and it worries me, but i also feel such a sense of gratification. i know i should force myself to eat but i just don't want to. bless this group for letting me be frank with my thoughts, unlike recovery groups. i'm down almost 30lbs and i don't want to slow that down by having a healthy caloric intake.
[Rant/Rave] uncomfortable all the time
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sun May 20 12:52:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kun7t/uncomfortable_all_the_time/
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idk how much i weigh exactly but im getting to the point where im starting to look and feel like a skeleton. the worst part is the cold. its 25 C in my apartment rn, im fully clothed with a hot water bottle and still getting chills. also im using up so much hot water just constantly trying to warm up in the bath/shower. sometimes i have to get up in the middle of the night and take a hot shower because im just so cold despite having like 5 blankets on me. oh also i can't sit or lay on anything except a cushion without feeling like my bones are gonna stab through my skin. even standing without cushioned foot wear is uncomfortable because my feet are boney af. my breathing is really shallow and slow all the time so get winded easily. even getting up to go pee feels like im overexerting myself.
its summery and beautiful out where i live and i want to put on a sundress and spend time outdoors but i know i'll just get really tired and cold if i do. this sucks. ;\_;
I purged 2 bites of crisco chocolate cake today
/u/MissMagus
Created: Sun May 20 12:47:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kum16/i_purged_2_bites_of_crisco_chocolate_cake_today/
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Cause I couldn't stomach it and felt disgusting. I don't even purge lol, it was only the second time I've ever done it. Ever. How's your day tho?
[Discussion] Daily Open Discussion Post?
/u/rnyth
Created: Sun May 20 12:19:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kuf74/daily_open_discussion_post/
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A few of the daily stickied posts like Thinspo, and today's Grocery List are great ideas but no one usually replies to them. I wanted to suggest having a stickied open discussion post within the weekly rotation where we could just talk about anything on our minds ed or non ed-related, and anything that might not be significant enough to warrant its own post. Idk. I'd really appreciate it. But then, I don't really have another outlet for chatting with people with EDs. Maybe most people here are on the Discord, or kik groups, and don't feel a need for this? Just wanted to throw the idea out there. (Also, if anyone has a suggestion of where something like this exists, please let me know! Feeling kinda lonely with this ordeal).
[Tip] Easy 0-5 Calorie Popscicles
/u/SepiaShebia
Created: Sun May 20 12:13:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kudmb/easy_05_calorie_popscicles/
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https://i.redd.it/uddvvq7nx1z01.jpg
[Help] throwing away food
/u/Rowlands123
Created: Sun May 20 12:10:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kucx7/throwing_away_food/
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today was the first day i have ever thrown out food my parents have gave me, really unhealthy chinese food i threw it in a bag and now it’s in my room in my draw i don’t know how to dispose of it because my parents are downstairs help, would flushing it down the toilet do the trick ??!
0-10 Calorie Popscicles
/u/SepiaShebia
Created: Sun May 20 12:03:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kub3c/010_calorie_popscicles/
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https://i.redd.it/z3e4ujmuv1z01.jpg
[Goal] I can’t eat anymore?
/u/Koko1318
Created: Sun May 20 11:31:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ku3b2/i_cant_eat_anymore/
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I have been fasting/restricting myself to 300 calories or less for two weeks now. I woke up feeling awful this morning. I decided I would allow myself a meal today and ordered Chinese food. I ate one veggie egg roll and took two bites of my noodles and felt nauseous. I keep dry heaving, and feeling like I’m going to puke. It’s making me feel anxious because I do want to be able to eat food. The anxiety is making the nausea worse......Anyone else ever had this happen?
Started restricting again, feeling guilty
/u/Thunder2WonderThighs
Created: Sun May 20 11:10:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kty1i/started_restricting_again_feeling_guilty/
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I've invested hundreds in therapy over the last six months and made great progress. My binges stopped, I was on track to losing in a healthy way. Why am I restricting again? I feel so guilty for the money I've wasted and keeping it secret from my BF. 😔
ED movies/shows
/u/mmh-
Created: Sun May 20 10:52:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kttn8/ed_moviesshows/
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I get huge motivation from watching movies and shows that include someone w an eating disorder. My favorite is Red band society. I want to watch more, any recommendations?
[Rant/Rave] Off topic but need to vent just a lil'
/u/foxekiwi
Created: Sun May 20 10:48:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ktstb/off_topic_but_need_to_vent_just_a_lil/
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Feet and shoes. I like feet and I like shoes. I love cute ones on thin feet. Ankle bones and long, luxurious toes. But at a foot size of 13 and a half USA women's, my feet are absurd looking and disproportionate to my body. I have to order shoes online for anything outside of men's sneakers and work boots. It breaks my heart that my sisters have cute heels, sandals, and yoga flops and here I am in sneaks all the time. Have any similar problems guys and gals?
New to peach
/u/katieburrito
Created: Sun May 20 10:28:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kto5n/new_to_peach/
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Hey I’m new to Peach and I need some friends 😅 Also I’m not really sure how it works lol
Add me please I’m katieburrito
I just hit a GW today!
/u/BeautySmooch
Created: Sun May 20 10:24:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ktn9f/i_just_hit_a_gw_today/
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Finally below a BMI of 19. A couple of days ago I was 123lbs, yesterday I was 121lbs, and today I am 120lbs! I am so excited because I had been plateauing for two weeks and had 3 cheat days during that period. Also, last week I couldn't pull my favourite shorts up and today they fit perfectly! The woosh is real guys!! Heck yea!!!
lmao way ahead of you on that one, chief (aka: i thought some of y'all might get a dark chuckle from this ad like i did)
/u/xxxrxrrv
Created: Sun May 20 10:07:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ktjf7/lmao_way_ahead_of_you_on_that_one_chief_aka_i/
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https://i.redd.it/yqi0fwd8b1z01.jpg
[Other] lmao wayy ahead of you, buddy (thought some of y'all might appreciate the sick/dark humor i found in this ad)
/u/xxxrxrrv
Created: Sun May 20 09:50:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ktfey/lmao_wayy_ahead_of_you_buddy_thought_some_of_yall/
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https://i.redd.it/dgm1csj981z01.jpg
does anyone have an ed Instagram
/u/bluemonksdream
Created: Sun May 20 09:36:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ktc6r/does_anyone_have_an_ed_instagram/
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if any of you do have one comment your handle if you want
mine is @monkunderground
I'm getting good at purging and it scares me.
/u/ribcage666
Created: Sun May 20 08:58:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kt40k/im_getting_good_at_purging_and_it_scares_me/
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When my ED first changed from a restrictive type to bulimia, I used to binge and purge many times a day but my purges were super long, exhausting, half the time nothing would come up and I definitely never got it all out. As a result I gained 50 lbs :/
Now I'm finding myself relapsing, though, and it's scaring me how much better I've gotten at it. My technique has improved and I wake up the morning after a $50 Mcdonald's binge with a stomach flatter than the day before (although, also massive water retention in my face and dizziness...)
I feel myself slipping further into this rabbit hole and it scares me :( the body can only take so much and I know how dangerous purging can be. I don't want my body to be found days after I keeled over next to a garbage bin full of vomit.
Can anyone relate? I scare myself :(
soup appreciation post
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sun May 20 08:39:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kt003/soup_appreciation_post/
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seems like popular foods amongst ED people. how do you guys like your soup?
personally i loove amy's no chicken noodle soup and the split pea soup. yes it's pricey af but its not like i spend much on groceries anyway so i mean. and they're only \~150cal for the whole can. add water and herbs/garlic and you get even more.
Is peach down or is it my phone?
/u/unpollutedfantasy
Created: Sun May 20 08:29:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ksxok/is_peach_down_or_is_it_my_phone/
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Is peach working for you guys? Or is my phone being stupid?
I honestly can’t function without peach😭
[Rant/Rave] [rant] My friend's (ex)girlfriend compared me to his pregnant sister.
/u/idontevenliketeatbh
Created: Sun May 20 08:03:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kssee/rant_my_friends_exgirlfriend_compared_me_to_his/
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Apparently they didn't know she was pregnant again and they were all at a family gathering. She asked him how he couldn't have noticed his sister was pregnant. He said I don't know, I don't look at people's bodies much. She said (and I quote) "But she's as big as idontevenliketeatbh, how could you not notice!"
This girl knows I have food and body issues. She knows I'm suicidal over it. And yet she tells this story exactly this way. Trying to justify by saying, well you know his sister is usually a twig. And like yeah she is quite small but why was it necessary to bring my body into it at all. Why compare me to a 6 month pregnant woman. I'm so hurt.
My friend was texting my husband saying she didn't mean it like that and that she just doesn't think. I don't have to worry about seeing her anymore because they broke up, but I can't explain to either of them that even if they both say I look good or whatever, that that comment is now going to follow me for the rest of my life.
My loving husband sees the progress... I don't.
/u/jesuschristisherenow
Created: Sun May 20 07:36:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ksn0f/my_loving_husband_sees_the_progress_i_dont/
---
I have been super honest with him. He sees my eating habits and I haven't felt the need to hide anything from him. He is so supportive and makes light meals and doesn't make me feel bad for not eating.
On the flip side: I don't see any change in my body. If anything, I feel fatter now that I've lost 25 lbs. I have talked to him about this and he told me that if I keep talking like that, he will make me go to a therapist because I guess the weight loss is really apparent to him. Ugghhh I love him, why does he have to care about me so much. If I weighed 100 lbs and thought I'm fat, I could see where he's coming from. But I still have an overweight BMI, I am fat??
Some comments my roommates made me feel horrible.
/u/Egleriel
Created: Sun May 20 07:11:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ksikr/some_comments_my_roommates_made_me_feel_horrible/
---
They weren't about me. They were about a girl they know. I just feel horrible for her and because it's made me feel worse about what's going on in my head...
One of them said "___, has that anorexia or whatever. She wont eat anything."
And the other responded "That is such a first world problem. Give that plate to a kid in Africa and see if they push it away."
These are both really nice guys but to hear them talk this way about this particular subject I just left the room... some people are just so ignorant about these topics it's astonishing...
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 20, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 20 06:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ks8b7/daily_food_diary_may_20_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 20, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 20 06:11:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ks8a7/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
---
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:
* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found
[Rant/Rave] ice cream
/u/burrochevola
Created: Sun May 20 05:32:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ks2m2/ice_cream/
---
im so happy my parents just bought ice cream and i was looking at the cals just bc it was a brand i didn't recognised... y'all the entire bowl (200 grams so like 2 servings) of lemon ice cream was 260 cals??? im gonna cry guess who's gonna have ice cream for lunch bitches
i feel like a stupid, stupid asshole.
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Sun May 20 05:25:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ks1o7/i_feel_like_a_stupid_stupid_asshole/
---
i really like the idea of using unhealthy weightloss as a method of showing people (read, family) that they cannot control me and i decide what i will or wont do...
On fighting severe Body Dysmorphia Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
/u/sad_skelly
Created: Sun May 20 05:18:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ks0sj/on_fighting_severe_body_dysmorphia_disorder_and/
---
I've been feeling like a pile of shit for the last couple of days so I decided to voice my feelings here in hopes that somebody reads this and finds it comforting knowing that other people feel the same. I'm not really a great writer when it comes to expressing my feelings in a cohesive manner so I will make a list.
1. I feel like my body is a cage and I'm trapped inside of it with no way out. I feel like I am caught inside a fat, smelly, ugly fat suit which I cannot get out of, and i heavily obsess about this fact, to the point where I have very prominent thoughts of needing to cut my body for some sort of relief and to create a "way out" to get rid of the feeling of extreme claustrophobia.
2. I don't feel human. I feel like a blob. A shapeless blob. I feel like my body literally is shaped differently than other people's. I look extremely grotesquely shaped in my mind, and I'm always shocked to look inside the mirror and see I'm human shaped.
3. My face feels....wrong. I'm not sure how I'm going to accurately describe this, but it feels like my features are plastic and like I've put on a plastic nose and mouth and now I can't take them off. My hair. Don't get me started on my hair, the feeling of hair on my head and around my face causes me so much distress to the point where I aggressively brush it and refuse to stop until I see strands coming off in the brush. I feel like I'm wearing a doll head over my own head and it's slowly suffocating me.
I've been having so many panic attacks just because of my internal feelings and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in so much distress and I resort to obsessive Compulsive behaviours for some sort of relief. Suicide and graphic images of my own suicide are always on the forefront of my mind. I feel so broken. I never thought a person could actually be this broken. Some words and textures bother me so much it makes me cringe and I'm hyper aware of everything.
Tldr; BDD an OCD are making me want to kill myself. Along with anorexia and bulimia of course.
anyone else get actively freaked out by their change in appearance?
/u/tr4umfrau
Created: Sun May 20 05:15:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ks04h/anyone_else_get_actively_freaked_out_by_their/
---
idk if this makes sense. i've dropped 70lbs in the past 8 months which makes me so happy but i keep seeing myself in the mirror and thinking 'that's not me' and feeling like i have to eat a ton immediately to get back to how i used to look. could it be something with BDD? i've never talked to anyone about it but i read some of the symptoms today and related so much lol
[Discussion] Getting rid of water weight?
/u/fiyacht524
Created: Sun May 20 02:04:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8krchp/getting_rid_of_water_weight/
---
What do you guys do to drop water weight? I've a weigh in tomorrow and I'm really scared the scales will be higher than last time. I'm not looking for advice here, just wondering what ye do.
My plan is to fast for the rest of today (just had a light breakfast) and tomorrow until the appointment - liquids only.
[Discussion] dae find it more difficult to maintain than restrict?
/u/arabella_05
Created: Sun May 20 01:16:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kr6ie/dae_find_it_more_difficult_to_maintain_than/
---
this feels stupid lol but I lost a lot of weight within ~18 months and then on most of it back in maybe 6 months as i convinced myself I was 'maintaining' and not counting calories to try become less obsessed.
so basically i binged myself back to fat and now i'm restricting again and all feels correct in the world, I'm barely eating and have limited cravings and calorie counting everything. i'm losing weight fast like i want to (within tdee reason lol).
idk if this makes sense i'm hella tired but i need to know i'm not the only one.
Unwanted advice
/u/HonestRaspberry
Created: Sun May 20 01:07:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kr5fk/unwanted_advice/
---
I went to buy quest bars as a treat for not binging yesterday after a long binge cycle. The cashier said I should eat just half a bar because I gained weight. I was visiting this store in the past before having bed so I was healthy in the past. She said I was eating quest bars and having meals so I gained weight. I am so angry this woman who knows nothing about my bed and is overweight herself can just comment like this. I think I will never visit that store anymore.
Outpatient Programs
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Sun May 20 00:52:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kr3cu/outpatient_programs/
---
I was just wondering what they’re like and what I should expect. How much is it? What if I’m not fully ready to recover?
So I think I heard someone purging in a public restroom today :S
/u/ELESH_NORN_DAMNIT
Created: Sun May 20 00:16:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kqym2/so_i_think_i_heard_someone_purging_in_a_public/
---
At the store I work at I spend a lot of time in the restroom killing time on my phone, because I have nothing better to do...and today I heard someone in there for like 15 minutes repeatedly puking. Retching over and over again and spitting the entire time. They made some strange comments too, stuff like "I am so disgusting, why do I do this" which makes me really think they were not simply physically sick to their stomach. I mean I didn't do shit, IDK what even *to* do in that situation you know? In general you can't just talk to people using the public restroom about their bodily functions? WHAT IF they were just sick? And the fact that if somebody told me "hey are you okay you don't eat anything ever" I would just be pissed and what them to leave me alone so maybe this person purging would feel the same as me--Golden Rule right?
Personally, I don't purge in any form, just restrict super heavily, like 300 calories a day or less. Still makes me feel really bad. Especially because I'm in this weird place between understanding, and not understanding. Not sure how I feel rn...
What are your current diet/habits?
/u/mXCXO
Created: Sat May 19 23:40:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kqtex/what_are_your_current_diethabits/
---
Just curious and wondering how everyone structures or schedules their calories/exercise/BP?
Right now I restrict heavily. I think my TDEE is around 2400 or so (I’m a decent height and fairly active) but I eat around 1000 a day and try to burn off at least 200-400 a day at the gym through weights or cardio. I usually skip breakfast and have 1L of iced coffee with 0 cal caramel syrup, make a protein shake and have some veggies with dip or fruit.
Replacing eating with shopping?
/u/BeautySmooch
Created: Sat May 19 23:28:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kqrnz/replacing_eating_with_shopping/
---
I've lost 17 lbs so far and now all I want to do is spend money on clothes lmao
Before, I was very conservative with my savings, but last week I spent $80 at the mall. Does anyone else have this problem or something similar? I don't have a job yet since I'm 16 and my allowance is $20 a month. I can't keep this up. And I'm already planning on going on another shopping spree tomorrow...
[Goal] I intend to starve myself until I feel loved and respected.
/u/ketometer
Created: Sat May 19 23:19:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kqqey/i_intend_to_starve_myself_until_i_feel_loved_and/
---
This could take a while.
[Rant/Rave] Every single food decision seems like it’s the end of the world
/u/JimMakingTheFace
Created: Sat May 19 23:18:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kqq9c/every_single_food_decision_seems_like_its_the_end/
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Rant
I’m sitting in the floor of my kitchen in the middle of the night because I cannot make a decision for myself.
I’m hungry. I should eat. But what am I supposed to eat? My father is also up, questioning wtf I’m doing, judging my decisions.
Every single piece of food that I put in my mouth has to be worthy of the calories, otherwise I’ll be up for hours questioning why I wasted my precious calories.
I wish every waking moment wasn’t focused on food. I want to be able to just get a quick middle-of-the-night snack. I don’t want to hate myself every time I eat. I just want to eat..
[Rant/Rave] Binged again!!
/u/Dingletringle2
Created: Sat May 19 23:04:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kqnza/binged_again/
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Binged for the 4th time this week, 7,500 caloirss each time. Gained 30 lbs last 6 months. Does it ever end?!!? I hate myself
I need some recommendations
/u/thebonemage
Created: Sat May 19 21:29:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kq8b0/i_need_some_recommendations/
---
So a couple things lovelies.
1) I smoke. So I need some way to suppress my appetite that is effective.
2) Do laxatives work? Or purging? Or what? I need some way to get food out of my system when I have to eat. Cuz fucking family.
3) How do I prevent cravings while fasting?
I am such a bad rexie. Omg. At least I'm good at finding thinspo.
Has anyone tried recovery when you didn’t want to?
/u/Tryingmomspatience
Created: Sat May 19 21:11:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kq55z/has_anyone_tried_recovery_when_you_didnt_want_to/
---
Has anyone done intensive therapy for your eating disorder even when you didn’t want to?
Eating disorder ruined family outing
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Sat May 19 20:56:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kq2fd/eating_disorder_ruined_family_outing/
---
i get to spend time with my sisters, who are really important to me, maybe once a year.
every year me and my oldest sister buy a bunch of a snacks (we have a tradition of eating a whole can of whipped cream together while updating each others lives) and go to the park but obviously because of my eating disorder.. we didnt do that.
we all went on an outing and it would've been SO fun if i could've focused on something other than fucking how scared i was of food. we went to get a burger and i ended up crying in the bathroom. we went to the asian grocery store and there were SO many interesting things i wanted to
try but couldn't because the labels were in japanese and i couldn't read the calorie count. my sister wanted to try new foods with me, something we always used to do, and i couldn't...
food used to be a bonding experience for us and this time around i was just too sick. i'm so upset, and ashamed.
Rosanna Pansino’s Closet Tour
/u/SlutForGarrus
Created: Sat May 19 20:54:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kq24m/rosanna_pansinos_closet_tour/
---
This was by turns the most frustrating and awesome thing ever. She’s been losing weight and talking about exercise a lot, which is newish for her. I always said I wished I was built like her. As of today, I know it’s an utter impossibility because she’s just not the same height or build as me, however...
Here’s the good news: Any of you who are straddling the kids/adult petite line, 00 or 000 or a size 4 shoe? She’s totally got you covered on where to shop. I can’t use any of that knowledge, but I thought of you guys.
I did alright for a bit...welcome back, me
/u/Floatawayinlove
Created: Sat May 19 20:54:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kq222/i_did_alright_for_a_bitwelcome_back_me/
---
I had broken a lot of my ED habits (despite still obsessing over food) until I realized that over a three month period, I moved in the complete opposite of my weight goal for vacation. Now I'm back to purging after meals because apparently I have too little self control to not eat ALL THE FOOD.
Part of me feels like a failure for purging when I thought I was getting better. Part of me is wondering if this bathroom fan is loud enough that my boyfriend would be able to hear me throwing up.
Most of me is feeling pretty bitter because I've been trying to "recover" for nearly 10 years and I'm starting to think recovery is just a lie people tell because they skipped three days eating after getting their tonsils out, but now they eat regular meals just fine.
Eating goes against everything I believe in
/u/slicedcheese
Created: Sat May 19 20:31:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kpxxg/eating_goes_against_everything_i_believe_in/
---
living
Flat tummy lollipops. Do they work??
/u/julesisacat
Created: Sat May 19 20:23:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kpwmy/flat_tummy_lollipops_do_they_work/
---
So I saw in the news about people mad at Kim Kardashian for promoting those flat tummy brand lollipops that supposedly curb your appetite. I bought some which I’m still waiting to arrive. Has anyone else tried them and do they work???? Thanks
Laxative Abuse
/u/whatxever
Created: Sat May 19 20:12:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kpuop/laxative_abuse/
---
I went through a period of intense laxative abuse. Not like 10 a day, I couldn't get away with that given my schedule & yanno the cost of laxatives adds up lol. This was about a year ago and I finally reached a place where I forced myself to stop, threw out as many as I could, and hid the rest in my mother's office so I'd be less likely to get them.
Unfortunately, shit has happened (literally) and now I'm in the same place. I've gone through almost 25 over the span of 4-6 days. That may not even be a record for me, but I'm scared. It's not even like I think it helps binge weight disappear, because I don't - I'm not dumb. But it's like self-harm. The pain of 5 dulcolaxes tearing apart your stomach is unrivaled by anything else I've experienced. It's my punishment for bingeing, which in a way, is also a punishment. It also allows me to not purge, which is something I never want to revisit.
Anyways, I really want to stop and I guess I'm just looking for advice bc I don't want to have a colostomy bag in a few years. Or just stories of your own. It's really lonely being addicted to one of the least "popular" forms of purging.
How the hell do you guys make (and keep) friends in the ~Real World~?
/u/sadbucket
Created: Sat May 19 19:19:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kpkhz/how_the_hell_do_you_guys_make_and_keep_friends_in/
---
It's really hard for me to make friends and even harder for me to maintain friendships. I feel claustrophobic and a little panicky when I begin to get close to people. So I just don't. Thing is, I'm really fucking lonely. I don't know how to find a practical solution to reconcile these problems.
I guess I just spend so much of my time obsessing over the number on the scale, if I'm losing weight, how fast I'm losing... it fills a hole in my heart that makes me feel a little less alone.
So. What works for you? Are you happy with the friends in your life (or lack thereof)?
Can't eat a full meal?
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Sat May 19 19:18:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kpkdz/cant_eat_a_full_meal/
---
I've very heavily restricted the last 3 days (~500 cals), and today I went and got lunch with friends. It was my first and only meal for the day, I got a salmon salad. I had mimosas as well so I know, in total, it wasn't a "low cal" meal, but still fairly light. But I could not for the life of me finish it!! Meanwhile, my friends finished their burgers and fries with no problems.
Maybe I should have felt proud at that, but I almost felt... sad? It's weird to experience the effects that barely eating has on you, i.e. I can't even eat half a salad without feeling like shit.
[Rant/Rave] Unfortunately, I'm back.
/u/sewnp
Created: Sat May 19 19:11:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kpj0l/unfortunately_im_back/
---
I was recovering pretty well for a good handful of months and feeling happier because I had more friends in my life. Yet, I relapsed. I can't even bring myself to force food into me because I'm just so depressed.
Why? My friend that I was having fun with called me an abuser and basically didn't want anything more to do with me. I understand why he did it, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I spent four days trying to equal parts give him space and equal parts asking him to talk to me about it to see if we couldn't work it out. He kept ignoring me and I eventually got frustrated enough and told him I give up.
It didn't make me feel any better. It didn't make anything easier. It just hurt, like hell. I feel like by just being around me I'm poisoning people. That even if I try my hardest, it always ends up like this. I think these feelings are what triggered the relapse the most, but I'll never tell him that.
So, just to cast this out into the ether to him since I can't talk to him ever again...
*I miss you, it's not your fault. I'm sorry I wasn't better to you while I still could have been.*
Thanks for reading if you did, if not no worries.
[Rant/Rave] Taking pictures of yourself because you literally don’t know what you actually look like...
/u/vZudikas
Created: Sat May 19 18:51:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kpf25/taking_pictures_of_yourself_because_you_literally/
---
And feeling okay, or not even feeling okay just being like oh..that is my body. Then looking at them again even a few hours later and seeing a mountain of fucking fat and 10 million flaws you didn’t notice the first time you looked.
So great.
I’m losing weight and still feel like there is zero actual change in how my body looks.
Plan on killing self if I won’t be able to have a family
/u/Sisi21cent
Created: Sat May 19 18:47:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kpebd/plan_on_killing_self_if_i_wont_be_able_to_have_a/
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Probably not the right place. But anyway...anorexia destroyed my childhood, teenage years and early 20’s. I have been alone all this time thinking “one day I will be happy and get over this with a great job, love, even a family of my own.” Ohh sweet naivety.
The job is fine, though it takes a lot out of me. Anorexia? Sort of handled. At least miles away from the beginning. Problem? Been alone all this time. Isolated. Barely doing anything else besides fighting against my disease and to not let my studies go down hill.
Never ever had a relationship. Not even a kiss. It’s affecting me deeply and the more I go by the more I feel like it will never happen for me. If I get to my mid 30’s without a chance of a family - I really want a baby. I’m most likely finish myself. I can’t live with the pain of not having something so natural, so easy for everyone.
May be its the way of nature telling me I’m not good enough to pass my genes onto someone else. I only know It’s destroying my soul and I’m afraid my perpetual sadness will sabotage the little hope I still have.
What are your thoughts on this? I know most of you are young, but maybe you could give me an insight...
Thank you so much for reading.
Please HMU with your best excuses for when you're spending a ton of time with others and eating with them too!!!
/u/Dim_Lighthouse
Created: Sat May 19 17:26:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8koy68/please_hmu_with_your_best_excuses_for_when_youre/
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It's grad season and that means I'm constantly around family and friends, and CONSTANTLY eating out at restaurants. My boyfriend in particular is getting suspicious of me always feeling a little nausea and always claiming to have eaten earlier when he's been around me and hasn't noticed me eat.
How do you maintain restriction (I'm at 550 a day) like this? Any tips and tricks for a girl who's missing the privacy of eating an entire sleeve of rice cakes in her own home and calling it a night???
Gotta love gross misconceptions about eating disorders.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sat May 19 17:24:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8koxu0/gotta_love_gross_misconceptions_about_eating/
---
https://m.imgur.com/7HKsRay?r
[Discussion] DAE struggle with seeing certain behaviors as as disordered? How would you feel about more accurate depictions of EDs in media?
/u/theprincessofpirates
Created: Sat May 19 17:19:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kowsp/dae_struggle_with_seeing_certain_behaviors_as_as/
---
I’m a non-purging bulimic (binge-restrict/fast) and until I stopped binging, I didn’t see my actions as an issue. Eat way too much one night because it’s finals week, then just don’t eat the next day or so. It seemed really normal for me. When I stopped binging, but still eating 500 cals on normal days and my hair started falling out, I realized my actions might not have been healthy eating.
I’m starting to figure out that I don’t have to purge to be bulimic, but I still have a hard time seeing BED as an ED. Maybe it’s just how desensitized I’ve become to heavy eating because I’m in America, but my brain just can’t seem to come to terms with the fact that BED isn’t just unhealthy eating but an actual illness. It’s likely because media doesn’t have many good depictions of BED.
People with BED, I’d like to hear more about your experiences. I’d be happy to share my experiences as a bulimic becoming an anorexic. What would you like to see in media depictions of BED? What would other non-purge bulimics like to see in media?
My aunt is pissing me off
/u/BeautySmooch
Created: Sat May 19 17:15:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kovy3/my_aunt_is_pissing_me_off/
---
The whole day she had been commenting on whatever I ate and asking me too many fucking questions. Saying stuff like, "What are you eating?" and "Is that going to make you full?" I wish she would just her trap and let me eat in peace. Or maybe I'm just being irrationally angry, I don't know. How do I not get annoyed at people for doing this?
Tracked down my last 8 weeks. Got down to UK size 10/12. Celebrated with massive binge because even after losing almost 70 pounds, life didn’t get any better
/u/Thecaretakerjohanna
Created: Sat May 19 17:08:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kouma/tracked_down_my_last_8_weeks_got_down_to_uk_size/
---
[My 8 weeks.](https://imgur.com/a/Qs1QOOI)
X are binges (all of them ~3500ish), - are maintenance. Starting weight around 84kgs, now 78. But I was hoping for 75. I’ve been doing well the last few weeks. But yeah, my binge days definitely slowed me down. TMI - also can’t remember the last time I took a shit, despite that, not seeing the number that I wanted, I binged. Now I feel like shit.
78kg was actually my goal weight a while ago. Just because my friend used to weight that much before she gained. So naturally, I had to get there. And now that I’m here, it’s nothing like I imagined. This is the smallest that I’ve ever been as an adult.
But I’m still huge. I still have 40 more pounds to go before I hit my ultimate goal. But even that is not going to be enough. I started at 238. Now 171. I’m only about 5”2/3 so I’m still very very big. My skin is getting loose. I can’t ever go sleeveless. I ruined this body with BED and switching to restriction surprisingly didn’t solve all my problems. Sure, it’s another way of coping, but look at me. I ruined this body and will need a skin removal surgery.
I’m tired of feeling like this. I have no idea what I look like. I feel bigger than ever. Despite fitting into a size 8 sometimes. Sizes 10 ale bloody small. Of course only before I actually try them on. Goal clothes always look tiny before I try them on and when they fit they immediately start looking HUGE. Of course all the sizing is off and my scale isn’t accurate either. Can’t be!!
My hair is falling out, but hey, I’m officially “just” overweight and not class III obese anymore. Anyway, this is all I’ve got. Losing weight is currently my only hobby, my only friend and the only thing that truly matters to me. How sad
Next goal - 69kg (lol)
[Rant/Rave] Just binged in public and feeling really down
/u/alpakasundtacos
Created: Sat May 19 16:44:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kopiv/just_binged_in_public_and_feeling_really_down/
---
So I just hit a new low where I was eating pizza in a crowd of partying people alone. There is this huge festival in our town and people get crazy drunk so while having my sad and pathetic binge on overpriced pizza not one, but three drunk guys decided to grope me. Even sadder is the fact that I was at the festival with my boyfriend who decided to rather get drunk with his friends than to come with me for a minute to get some bread. I would never ever let anyone of my friends go alone late at night there bc people get so nasty but he just didn't care. I am so hurt and sad. All I want to do is to cry and binge and purge.
After school special/Lifetime movie rec thread?
/u/vkomova
Created: Sat May 19 16:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8koof7/after_school_speciallifetime_movie_rec_thread/
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The cheesier the better honestly. I hate how much I love it.
[Help] Graduation party
/u/pelicandreaming
Created: Sat May 19 16:33:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kon4x/graduation_party/
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So I've been a long time lurker here but the community is so amazing here that I feel safe enough to post. So my family told me they are planning me a graduation party in two weeks and ever since I heard the news, granted, I am happy but I cannot seem to focus on anything other than how to avoid the tons of food items that will be there. They already told me they are making cake and having pizza and other desserts catered and I can't seem to find a way to get out of eating the food since they will notice if I don't eat any of it. I'm not sure whether I should just fast for a few days before and eat a little bit or if I should try to just not eat any of it and have them not notice. Sorry for rambling but I just needed to get the thoughts out somewhere. Anyone have any ideas or tips?
I don't know how to cope with the fact that reaching my UGW won't make me any less disgusting.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sat May 19 15:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ko8cq/i_dont_know_how_to_cope_with_the_fact_that/
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I'm ugly and always will be, regardless of how much weight I lose. It's an undeniable fact that's been reiterated by the people in every social circle I've been in, so it's not dysmorphia talking. Looking in the mirror makes my skin crawl. I've never walked out of a dressing room without crying, not even as a preteen. I'm covered in acne despite being prescribed a slew of oral meds, I have an overbite and a gummy smile, my lips are shapeless and massive, my face is an amorphous red blob, my nose is hawkish and covered in blackheads, my eyes are creepy slits. Maybe I could tolerate that if not for the implications. Smiling or laughing without inhibition is out of the question. In fact, any expression that's not neutral makes me uncomfortable. I'll never be able to wear clothes I like because people might think I'm delusional enough to believe I deserve them. I'll never be able to rest my cheek against my hand without feeling the inflamed bumpiness of my skin and longing to rip it off. If I'm ever lucky enough to be in a relationship, my girlfriend won't be attracted to me physically. I'll never feel like I'm not imprisoned in my body.
[Goal] Well. I reached my goal, and I feel nothing.
/u/Throwaway17898753
Created: Sat May 19 15:15:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ko5yz/well_i_reached_my_goal_and_i_feel_nothing/
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175.4
I thought I’d be happier but it’s just another day. I woke up, took a whiz and stepped on the scale. Body checks felt like 177. I was 178.2 when I went to bed. I should be happy but I honestly feel nothing; not happy, not sad, not motivated, not anything.
I guess I’ll shoot for a monthly average of 175 or just shoot for 170.
[Rant/Rave] Triggered by baggy clothes..?
/u/chickenboooooty
Created: Sat May 19 15:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ko53a/triggered_by_baggy_clothes/
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lmaoooo love my (lack of) logic... I should be happy that I'm losing weight/getting smaller but I put on a pair of jeans that used to be tight and are now hella baggy and I realized that my belt is too big too
yet despite that, the baggy clothes just make me feel fatter and frumpy as hell :/
How can I stop binge eating like a piece of crap
/u/haroshinka
Created: Sat May 19 15:09:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ko4iz/how_can_i_stop_binge_eating_like_a_piece_of_crap/
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For the last two months my eating has been so disgusting and I've just not been thinking too heavily about it because it's painful but I've now gained so much weight (haven't updated my flair lol) and need some motivation plzzzz. Also if anyone could forward me to some low calorie food plans/snacks i'd really appreciate it :( HELP
[Rant/Rave] Fuck Maltitol
/u/bodybycoke
Created: Sat May 19 14:58:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ko25o/fuck_maltitol/
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I was so determined to stick to keto yesterday that when I got stoned with a cute boy I binged on maltitol filled sugar free candy. I’m talking 6 Atkins peanut butter cups and 480 calories.
I am so violently ill (all last night and today) that I actually passed out, and my doctor friend forced me to eat a cup of noodles for the stupid sodium.
~ don’t be like me ~
[Help] Unsure if I should supplement magnesium due to personal history
/u/novabot44
Created: Sat May 19 14:46:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8knzhf/unsure_if_i_should_supplement_magnesium_due_to/
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I want to preface this by saying that I have very bad healthy anxiety, so my fears might not be entirely logical.
That being said, about 3-4 months ago, I had an incident that, looking back on it, may have been a magnesium overdose, though I was never treated for it, and just rode it out. In terms of symptoms, I’ve done my research, and determined that I *clearly* exhibited multiple symptoms of a magnesium overdose at the time. I had been using Epsom salts (for chronic pain, though nothing more than the dose on the bag) as well as milk of mag, and I think those two in tandem may have contributed to a minor overdose situation. In addition, I had been taking magnesium supplements on and off for months at that point in time, for multiple reasons.
And despite the potential OD, I continued to take a lower level mag supplement in the following weeks (though my commitment to taking it was somewhat inconsistent).
In March, I decided to pursue recovery, and had some blood work done. To my surprise, despite my awful diet, void of any substantial nutrition (I was in a binge cycle at the time), my magnesium levels were on the high end of normal. When I expected them to be on the low end, as I had quit taking that low level magnesium supplement weeks prior. Plus, again, I wasn’t eating a magnesium heavy diet. Though I did have oatmeal the morning of the blood draw, which might have influenced things(?)
Anyway, I’m just wondering what to do, as I have started restricting again (after eating at maintenance for like 2 month), and don’t want my mag levels to dip too low. So it might make sense to take a supplement. Yet, at the same time, I’m deathly terrified that I might still have high magnesium levels, and may accidentally overdose again.
So basically, I’m wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation with magnesium levels, and might have some advice on whether or not I should supplement again, for harm reductions sake.
It’s been a over two months since I’ve last taken a supplement, FYI.
[Other] [Other] I just tried a natural at-home laxative...
/u/pailblusea
Created: Sat May 19 14:22:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8knu2e/other_i_just_tried_a_natural_athome_laxative/
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On mobile, can't flair.
I haven't been able to go to the bathroom in 3 days and the bloating has been driving me insane especially since it's been causing me weight gain from water retention. I tried something that I thought would probably be BS but why not see?
I mix 2 tsp of salt (I used pink himalayan salt because I had it in hand) with 24 oz warm tap water as I was told I am supposed to down it in less than 5 minutes.
It tasted gross, yes...BUT IT WORKED. In less than 10 minutes. I feel so much better now! I wouldn't do this everyday but for the occasional constipation it helped me and it's free! No calories and no cramps. I am just relieved. Only bad side effect is I think the salt scratched my throat going down so it's kinda sore but I can deal with that.
[Discussion] Eating after restricting
/u/MeowMixIsSatan
Created: Sat May 19 13:30:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8knib7/eating_after_restricting/
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DAE feel like all of the restricting wasn’t worth it after you eat a decent sized meal? Like all the effort you put into not eating literally just disappeared because you couldn’t help eating chips and a sandwich. I don’t know it just makes me want to give up
[Rant/Rave] I got down below my first goal weight and all I can think about is carbs
/u/lenaxxbee
Created: Sat May 19 13:14:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kneki/i_got_down_below_my_first_goal_weight_and_all_i/
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On mobile. This is definitely a rant lol. Sorry about the wall of text that doesn’t make much sense guys. I’m just conflicted right now.
So the past few weeks I’ve been high restricting around 1000 calories a day (because I was trying to “eat more normal” lol). And just the last few days I stayed below 700 and I was actually able to lose some weight. Yesterday I didn’t have any solid food but I took in like 300 calories worth of beer and had just about a gallon of water. This morning when I weighed myself, I was at 84.4lbs. I know it’s probably water weight from dehydrating myself with a little bit of alcohol, but I don’t want to lose this. My first goal weight was 85 and this is the first time in a while that I’ve gotten below that. (Side note: I’m so worried the scale is wrong because I really don’t look that thin- I just don’t have any muscle so I’m light. Plus I’m only 5’1”).
The problem is that I feel awful right now. It’s mostly nausea and dizziness. I’m having trouble getting water down even and my stupid brain has decided that the only way for me to feel better is with carbs. I’m craving oyster crackers and rice so hard. I’m so scared it’ll push me over 85 tomorrow though and I don’t know what to do. I have to eat something soon because I have to drive and I can’t be dizzy.
I feel like I should just fast again without any alcohol but oh my god I feel so sick and I can’t drive when I feel like this.
Aaaagh why does this always happen as soon as I hit a goal. I always ruin it. I can’t even enjoy hitting a goal weight and I don’t know what to do.
[discussion] help me be OK drinking my home brewed kombucha!
/u/Goodmorningfatty
Created: Sat May 19 12:54:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kn9uu/discussion_help_me_be_ok_drinking_my_home_brewed/
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Welp I’ve gone and ruined my favorite beverage. I won’t drink anything besides coffee, tea, water, and almond milk. Until recently Kombucha was a staple in that list, but me, being the crazy Ortho I am, decided that I could make it healthier by making it myself at home.
Sugar in any form besides fruit makes my inner ortho have a god damned cow. I knew sugar was an important part of making kombucha but I also know that’s what feeds the yeast to ferment the tea.. so you don’t really get that much sugar left over, combine that with the “heathy” probiotic aspect of it and I was able to let the little amount of sugar go. ... I made a big batch and poured two and a half cups of anxiety inducing sugar into the batch.. and nervously waited.. and now I just can’t bring myself to actually drink the stuff. Apparently it tastes just like store bought... I just can’t overcome the massive amount of sugar I poured into my tea.. and now I can’t even stomache the GT’s. Favorite drink ruined.
I always do this to myself.. love something then research it.. eventually decide to make a “healthier” version and then it invariably has to come off the “safe foods” list because I find out it’s not as healthy as I thought. Am I the only person who does this?
[Rant/Rave] Having every waking thought consumed by something other than food and body image? What a beautiful concept
/u/figglygiggly
Created: Sat May 19 12:52:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kn95v/having_every_waking_thought_consumed_by_something/
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I can’t imagine a time when I thought of anything other than eating or being fat or hating myself or wanting to change 24/7. Seriously, what was that like?? When do I get that back?
I feel like a useless shithole
[Rant/Rave] I just ate 655 calories and within five minutes my hands got fat.
/u/isforthewayyoulook
Created: Sat May 19 12:52:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kn95a/i_just_ate_655_calories_and_within_five_minutes/
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my brain cracks me the fuck up sometimes! but it’s so convincing
[Rant/Rave] Food is never just food to me.
/u/spacekookiyo
Created: Sat May 19 12:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kn4xz/food_is_never_just_food_to_me/
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It’s a fuckin prison.
[Rant/Rave] Hungover and full of regret.
/u/milkseedly
Created: Sat May 19 12:33:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kn4th/hungover_and_full_of_regret/
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I was very drunk last night and ended up purging. I left the toilet a mess and my mother asked me if I threw up.. I denied it even though it was obvious. I feel worse about it because she thinks I just did it because I was drunk. I want this day to end so I can be out from under this cloud of anxiety and embarrassments. I feel hideous and swollen.
Question for the group
/u/bennyanathin
Created: Sat May 19 12:32:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kn4ex/question_for_the_group/
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I have ednos, and as many of you, know way more about eating disorders than any normal person ever would. Still, I'm having trouble telling if my friend has some sort of disordered eating or if I'm projecting my issues onto him.
I just can't tell if he's just really into being healthy or if he goes too far.
He's really into lifting, and he lifts probably 5 days a week. It used to be 7 but then he kept getting hurt and lost weight so cut back. Working out is put ahead of everything in his life I'd say.
He eats a ton, but none of it is ever unhealthy. We're in college so I eat almost every meal with him and he will not touch things that could be considered unhealthy, though he used to.
I recently found out he weighs himself constantly. He used to be really skinny and is actively trying to gain weight. He's now built. Apparently he tried weighing himself before and after drinking water to see if that would matter, and keeps commenting on how he's losing weight and it's become obvious he weighs himself at least daily. He also seems to have the same reaction to losing weight that many of us do when we gain it.
Does anyone think I should talk to him (just to gently bring up that I think he may have a problem) or am I overthinking this?
Why do I still feel so ugly
/u/MyBunnyisMean
Created: Sat May 19 12:23:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kn2f2/why_do_i_still_feel_so_ugly/
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I lost weight. So much weight. I’m down to 107 (I’m 5’8”) and it’s been a couple years since I was down to this weight. I felt good the first couple of days but the moment I had to go do errands outside of my home, I felt ugly. I always need something covering my arms, like a cardigan, no matter how hot it is outside. At the mall and anywhere else, I basically walk while slightly looking down because I don’t want to look at anyone in the eyes. I feel fat. I feel like my face is fat, my arms are fat, my thighs. My self esteem is just all over the floor. I still feel ugly at this weight. It makes me think, will going any lower even help?. My GW is 100lbs but will it just make this all worse?. It makes me want to cry right now out of frustration.
Why can’t I love myself and my body.
Why do I still feel so ugly.
[Help] DAE eat like this
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sat May 19 12:16:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kn0o6/dae_eat_like_this/
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I’ve lately found myself in a cycle of fasting for 48-90 hours and then having I guess a cheat meal? I wouldn’t consider it a binge bc it’s just one meal but it’s always a big heavy one and then I’ll smoke and snack afterwards... so I know it’s a lot of cals but I don’t keep track.
Then I go back to fasting for a couple days... I feel like the one night of eating ruins any progress I made by fasting for so long but like I am only happy when I am not eating or when I eat freely and not worry about cals so I don’t know what to do.
Is this considered a binge/restrict cycle? Does anyone else do this?
By tonight it will be 72 hours and I just want to fucking eat I don’t care anymore. I’m 105 so I should be fucking happy but I want to be 100 but I feel like eating like this will never get me there.
I’m so fucking frustrated
[Discussion] Thoughts on the concept of "relationship with food"
/u/desaparecida
Created: Sat May 19 11:58:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kmwdk/discussion_thoughts_on_the_concept_of/
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I'm battling with binge eating disorder, and a few weeks ago I had a terrible relapse. I'm trying to get back to my normal and healthy eating habits but it's being quite challenging to be honest. My last binge was yesterday (3 days in a row) and while I'm trying to keep myself busy to not let it go beyond that I'm thinking about something a friend of mine told me some time ago.
This person is one of my best friends, someone I know always has my back and deeply cares for my well being. I really wanted to open up to her and share everything about my eating disorder. One day we were out having carrot cake at my favorite bakery in the city while having a great conversation and I felt that was the right moment.
Me: You know how I struggle with self-control in many things in life right? Like staying up late playing video games, or spending my savings in clothes I may not really need.... but among all these things I feel that what's most detrimental in my quality of life is food. I realize I've developed such an unhealthy relationship with food.
Friend: ...relationship with food? you mean... as in having a relationship with something inanimate and inert as food?
Me: ... yes...?
Friend: You don't have relationships with objects, that's not a thing. Food is just food, not something to be attached to or to have feelings for.
She thought I was referring to cravings and ended up saying that there's research showing that us girls usually have to battle cravings with sugars due to our biology, and then we changed topics and that was it. I didn't really feel hurt or offended by her comments. Sometimes she's too rational and direct that people think she's an asshole, but I know her and love her very much. It rather left me thinking about the concept of relationship.
I tried to think of different objects to make a parallel. I do consider I have a relationship, for example, with books. I'm sure that the stories I've read, the characters with whom I connected, and the worlds I've discovered through words had to have an impact in shaping the person I am now. I actively let them influence my mood and sometimes read to feel better. I have a relationship with books because I give them value for they have a meaning to me that go beyond the paper and glue of which they are made, and so is the case for many people that also enjoy reading.
And it's the same with food, only in a fucky kind of way. My ED has also shaped the way I behave now, it does not only have an influence but it absolutely controls my mood if I allow it. I give it value because in the short moments when I binge I do feel comfort and at peace, even if just for minutes. The problem is that once I'm finished the despair, disappointment and regret creep in until I'm again back into the hole.
I think that perhaps the problem is not that I have a fucked up relationship with food, but that I have a relationship at all. Maybe I should just break up with food and stop giving it more value than what it is: just fuel that my body uses to survive. I could break up with books, but they actually have a positive impact in my life and maybe do deserve to be more than just objects to me.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you think is better to have a healthy relationship with food or just have no relationship at all?
PS. Sorry for my English, it's not my mother tongue.
[Discussion] Thoughts on Tess Holliday?
/u/duejeuyt2
Created: Sat May 19 11:38:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kmruw/thoughts_on_tess_holliday/
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I cannot stand her, or rather how she acts on social media.
Dental school apps and binging....
/u/giraffle9
Created: Sat May 19 11:24:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kmojt/dental_school_apps_and_binging/
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UGH. Applying to dental school is so stressful...I'm either avoiding food and focusing on my DAT/application or binging to avoid studying for my DAT/application.
I just wish I could be "normal" and get out of this cycle.
Dating and relationships: at what point did you tell your SO about your ED?
/u/ray-annegraff
Created: Sat May 19 11:17:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kmmw6/dating_and_relationships_at_what_point_did_you/
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I'm starting to see this guy I really like; we've been on 4 or 5 dates and he's slept over, the whole deal. I'm in the middle of a relapse that's gone on for about 5 months now and doesn't seem like it's going to get better anytime soon.
I'm not worried about his reaction really - he's so nice and I don't think he'll be awful about it. I'm just not sure at what point I should tell him. I don't want to scare him off right away, but at the same time I feel like after a while it becomes lying by omission (??).
I'm not planning to tell him everything about it all at once. But I feel like I'll need to be honest with him at some point. So, people that date or are in relationships: at what point did you tell them about your ED?
I Have Nowhere Else To Rant And I Barely Socialize
/u/grinding4satan
Created: Sat May 19 11:12:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kmln6/i_have_nowhere_else_to_rant_and_i_barely_socialize/
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so, a rough description of my situation would be:
i struggle with disordered eating of all kinds on and off, i probably dont have a legit eating disorder and this behaviour is more of a manifestation of the other issues i have in my brain. but for the past few months, ive been restricting pretty consistently and the weights been coming off. i started obese from years of emotional overeating and recently hit the healthy weight range. i am still restricting and wish to continue because it makes me feel better about my miserable existence.
heres where the trouble starts: my mother is insisting that i, with my current 23-point-something-BMI, am already too skinny... it is extremely frustrating as i want to be actually skinny but my mom would probably physically drag me into a psych ward before i get there...
Therapist called me a liability
/u/Wigforfire
Created: Sat May 19 10:22:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8km9zf/therapist_called_me_a_liability/
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No flair because I’m on mobile but I guess this would be a rant.
The other day I called my therapist to tell her that I hit a low weight and I needed to talk to her. She told me to just come in for my normal appointment and acted like everything would be fine and we could work it out together because I really don’t have the means to go to treatment and I really don’t want to be in treatment for a number of reasons (there are none close to my home/family/boyfriend, I have a career, I feel confident in my ability to eat when I have to). I felt relieved and honestly figured she knew what she was talking about because she used to work for a nationally recognized ED treatment center until she separated and started her own practice.
So I go in the next day (yesterday) and I’m relatively relaxed because I’m pretty sure everything is okay. She informs me that she intended to bring a scale but decided not to because she knows I need treatment. I told her that I would like her to hear me out and try to work with me outside of a higher level of care because its more than I can handle financially and emotionally and I know I can gain the weight at home as long as I have a plan to follow. So we go back and forth and I’m panicking because it’s not like I can just tell my parents that I relapsed because I know they’ll do anything to help me but they’re already in debt from the last time I was in treatment (only two weeks and it was a ridiculous amount of money) and from legal trouble my brother is having. I can’t possibly afford treatment and I already have school to pay for. It’s just not an option.
So then she says she’ll try but my eating disorder is just telling me I don’t need help and I said that if I didn’t want help I wouldn’t be telling her my weight or asking my boyfriend for support. She goes on to say that I’m being unfair to my boyfriend for looking to him for support (which is BS because I eat when he’s not around and I’m not making him do everything for me).
So she has me go over my food diary with her and I told her what I eat in a day and she told me I need to start eating BLTs for lunch and eggs and sausage for breakfast on top of the 450-500 calories I already eat for breakfast every day. When I told her that I don’t like bacon she said I should eat a cheeseburger (fucking typical) and I told her I dont like them either (and it’s not because of my ED. It’s been years since I’ve been able to eat hamburgers cuz one made me sick when I was a teenager and I can’t eat them anymore). Then she said that because I don’t want to smear all my food with butter and cream cheese I’m refusing to get better and that I’m a liability for both her and for a treatment center so it’s going to be really hard for her to get me into one.
Then, maybe just to make me feel worse? She said she hates eating fatty foods too but it’s what I have to do. I asked if I could just eat larger portions of healthy foods like lean meat and whole grains and healthy fats. And she tells me that I don’t eat fats to which I replied that I eat fats like peanut butter for breakfast which is a fat and she said it wasnt and insisted on me eating butter. BUT PEANUT BUTTER HAS MORE FAT PER SERVING THAN PROTEIN AND SHE SAYS ITS A PROTEIN AND NOT A FAT! I AM SO FUCKING PISSED! Then she says, well I’m not a dietitian so you’ll have to get one of those if you want to be out patient...... SO WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME ADVICE ABOUT WHAT TO EAT!?
Then she asked what I have for snack and I told her I eat 2-3 snacks a day and I usually eat a protein bar, a protein shake, and some sort of granola bar or trail mix, but some nights I eat a pint of halo top ice cream if my boyfriend wants to eat a pint of haagendaaz. Then she tells me that I should eat the hagendaaz and I said I wanted to have a whole pint so I felt halo top was a good alternative since its a 300-400 calorie snack as opposed to a 1000 calorie snack and she said that I should just eat a regular serving of regular ice cream if I want ice cream because Halo Top is for people with Eating Disorders. And I was pissed because Halo Top is for anyone who doesnt want to eat 1000+ calories but still wants to fit in with what her fucking boyfriend, who is allowed to exercise the calories out, is doing!
I don’t even know if this is coherent at this point but I am so fucking mad and anxious about this whole thing. Especially since she told me she that I’d never be able to get better without treatment because an Eating Disorder is like having cancer and you’re always going to be in and out of treatment and, I hope I don’t offend anyone, but to me that is NOT how I’m going to live the rest of my life. I know that sometimes I am out of control of my restricting and I know that an ED was not my choice like how no one wants cancer but like fuck if it’s not ultimately my choice to want to get better and to make it there. I have seen far too many adults in programs who have spent their whole life there and still refuse to get better. That is not me, I will be doing everything I can with or without the help of my therapist.
The cultural distaste for Fat. Made me really consider my view on fat, and why I dislike it.
/u/Gordonsan
Created: Sat May 19 10:03:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8km5pu/the_cultural_distaste_for_fat_made_me_really/
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https://youtu.be/Vinqph-g5QI
Self-care after purging
/u/Melusedek
Created: Sat May 19 09:56:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8km3zf/selfcare_after_purging/
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I'm in a really bad place right now. To the point where I'm scared to eat anything because I'm worried I'm going to purge. So I've made a list of things that have been helping me slowly claw my way back to "normalcy."
* Pee after you purge. I know everyone worries about dehydration but the bigger danger is your electrolytes. One way your body keeps your ions in check is by peeing out excess water. For me it's automatic but try to make a point of it.
* Don't eat immediately after!! Your stomach will still be really reactive so give it a little while to calm down before SLOWLY reintroducing simple foods which are not hard to digest (I like to do a few comforting/calming yoga stretches to distract myself and give my body some love and self-care). Which brings me to...
* Broth. Sip it. SLOWLY to avoid feeling full and triggering a purge (lmao me rn). Get those electrolytes in you. Also drink a cup of tea w/ honey (herbal preferably because caffeine is dehydrating).
* Once you've finished those and your stomach has processed them, then you can start to consider food. I like seeds (pumpkin seeds because of the magnesium), grapes (especially frozen) and bananas (potassium yo), or nibbling on knækbrød/crisp bread because they're small and easy to digest.
* When you're reintroducing food, be mindful of it and don't eat even close to the point of fullness. Just small bites to take the edge off along with small sips of water. Use this as practice for mindfullness/mindful eating which can help prevent binges in the future (like eating until you're not hungry not until you're full).
* And honestly, this is probably really unhealthy, but a beer and a cigarette really helps. Idk if it's the carbs, electrolytes, nicotine, or alcohol but it it really calms me down and stops all the panicky, self-loathing feelings from taking over me and becoming overwhelming. #selfcarelmao
Please share your tips as well!
[Intro] New to this community, curious what the distribution of the various EDs is? And other questions.
/u/PatientVegan
Created: Sat May 19 09:50:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8km2u6/new_to_this_community_curious_what_the/
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I myself have struggled most of my life with not eating enough. Which by itself of course is technically not an eating disorder. I have also struggled with eating too much.
I think it's safe to say that eating too little is much harder to overcome than eating too much, so I assume most of us here are trying to find ways to eat more.
I myself know that I am not nor have I ever been anorexic. Now technically speaking as defined by the DSM-V and APA for you to be anorexic the stimulus for a lack of eating has to result from your perception of your own body.
So I was wondering, anyone else here struggled with essentially anorexia but not because they had issues with their body, but because they just couldn't bring themselves to consume the appropriate amount of calories in a day? That's the ED I am currently working to overcome and ever since I cut back on the drinking I just don't see how to get 2000 calories a day or even close to it. I started adding oils to things, but recently read a few studies supporting the idea that I was consuming too much oil.
I have experimented with various forms of fasting, but feel as though it is counterintuitive.
So what has worked for others? I know the easier said than done answer is "eat more" just like if you eat too much the answer is "eat less." But I assume we all in this sub have heard that a million times. Any more in-depth advice than that? Has anyone here overcome an ED and what did you do? I imagine it was 1. Educate yourself. 2. Alter your environment. 3. ???
[Discussion] Shows with perfect/attractive women in them?
/u/coconutbusiness
Created: Sat May 19 09:40:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8km0js/shows_with_perfectattractive_women_in_them/
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What shows do you guys watch that have pretty, put together women in them? I want some recommendations so I can watch and learn to be like them.
I have no friends anymore and I feel like no one is interested because I’m not attractive/interesting enough lol
I briefly considered eating floss so that I wouldn't have to take out the trash and risk being seen by other people.
/u/FluffyWinterCoat
Created: Sat May 19 09:37:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8klzwp/i_briefly_considered_eating_floss_so_that_i/
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I've always been hyper-aware of my body when I'm outside or around other people. I feel extremely anxious every time that I leave the house, constantly worrying about what other people think of my appearance. In the past I was able to work through the fear and worry, but recently it's gotten so bad that I can't even bring myself to take out the trash as often as I should. I've been in denial about it until last night, when I suddenly found myself having a ludicrous thought about a chocolate wrapper.
"If I eat this wrapper then I'll have less trash to throw. If I could digest all of my garbage instead of throwing it away, then I wouldn't have to go outside and potentially be seen by other people. What if I could digest things like cotton pads and floss? Then there would be no trash at all. Can the human body digest floss?"
I've reached the point of feeling so hideous and unworthy of being seen by other people, that I actually considered the viability of eating floss.
So that happened.
[Other] I briefly considered eating floss so that I won't have to take out the trash and potentially be seen by other people.
/u/FluffyWinterCoat
Created: Sat May 19 09:30:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8klyfn/i_briefly_considered_eating_floss_so_that_i_wont/
---
I've always been hyper-aware of my body when I'm outside or around other people. I feel extremely anxious every time that I leave the house, constantly worrying about what other people think of my appearance. In the past I was able to work through the fear and worry, but recently it's gotten so bad that I can't even bring myself to take out the trash as often as I should. I've been in denial about it until last night, when I suddenly found myself having a ludicrous thought about a chocolate wrapper.
"If I eat this wrapper then I'll have less trash to throw. If I could digest all of my garbage instead of throwing it away, then I wouldn't have to go outside and potentially be seen by other people. What if I could digest things like cotton pads and floss? Then there would be no trash at all. Can the human body digest floss?"
I've reached the point of feeling so hideous and unworthy of being seen by other people, that I actually considered the viability of eating floss.
So that happened.
Absolutely desperate - I cannot stop eating
/u/fathumes
Created: Sat May 19 09:17:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8klvlj/absolutely_desperate_i_cannot_stop_eating/
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I worked my ass off to lose a bunch of weight (look at my post history). Hit my goal weight and then started to reward myself with food. And I cannot stop eating. I hate myself so much for it. I’ve gained weight (I’m too terrified to step on the scale) and feel miserable. But I can’t stop. Please put me in my place!
What's the most calories you've ever eaten in a binge?
/u/tame_impalian
Created: Sat May 19 09:16:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8klvgg/whats_the_most_calories_youve_ever_eaten_in_a/
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I just had a binge last night that was easily over 3,000 calories and I feel like death :(
My body dysmorphia must be off the charts…
/u/PM_ME_JABBERWOCKYS
Created: Sat May 19 08:51:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8klpu6/my_body_dysmorphia_must_be_off_the_charts/
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I'm unfortunately pear-shaped so I've always had large thighs/lower half (luckily? My actual hipbone is very narrow).
For most of my life I've worn US size 12 pants, with the occasional tight 10.
I bought some slim-fit size 12s from target a few months ago that I really liked. They fit me perfectly when I first got them.
However, once I decided to start losing I made a promise to not wear pants anymore until I reach my goal weight.
I'm going someplace nice today so I thought what the hell, let me try on some pants. I took out one of the target ones and internally braced myself for it to be super tight, and having to struggle to pull it over my thighs.
However…it was like stepping into a garbage bag. It was super fucking baggy and I couldn't even get away with wearing a belt. Holy shit, how come I can't see any of this weight that has apparently come off?!?!?!
I even tried on some 10s and they fit waaaayy better than they used to. They're even slightly lose as well.
On one hand I'm pretty happy that although I can't see it, I'm *losing.*
But I still see myself as fat. I think I'm justified in that assumption because 10s are considered "small-fat," right?
I'm still just going to wear sweatpants until I drop my remaining pounds but I hope one day my brain can catch up to my weight loss. I really want to be a size 6 and lose my saddlebags and peariness. One day…
[Other] Goodbye, friends.
/u/PinkyOutYo
Created: Sat May 19 08:45:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kloq8/goodbye_friends/
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I ate and digested a box of 20 chicken nuggets last night, so I'm probably going to have to kill myself. Wear leopard print to my funeral.
My emotional dependency on gorging on junk food makes me doubt if I'm anorexic.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sat May 19 07:56:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8klegp/my_emotional_dependency_on_gorging_on_junk_food/
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I binge and fast with almost nothing in between. High or low, restriction is borderline impossible for me and completely fucks with my emotional state. Even when I was trying to lose weight healthily as a moderately overweight kid, I struggled to stay within the 1500 calorie range. My typical week consists of four to five fasting days and three to two eating days. It kills me that I would lose weight so much quicker if I just ate normally on my refeeding days, but not eating is only effortless if I have the prospect of binging later. I'm a compulsive Supersize vs Superskinny viewer, and it disgusts me that I'd gladly eat the morbidly obese people's massive plates and more. How can I watch people who are diametrically opposed to my goal killing themselves with their huge portions and envy them? What disturbs me the most is hearing people nonchalantly say that you'll regret your binge the moment it's over, as if that's an experience that applies to everyone. I don't, not even remotely. The moment I'm finished, I start planning my next one. I might begrudge the consequences, but the aftermath of a binge is the only satisfying thing left in my life. I feel content, mindless, drowsy, and so placid and calm that it's difficult to believe anything will ever hurt me again, and no matter how passionately I deny it, I know binging is the only thing that will ever induce that feeling. Binging is the only way I can happily be alone with myself. I spoke to my therapist about it and every alternative to binging he suggested sounded downright laughable, like telling a junkie to replace heroin with lavender\-scented baths and a good book. I'm so fucking tired of this.
How can I stop?!
/u/DrRobotniksMachine
Created: Sat May 19 07:53:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kldyd/how_can_i_stop/
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I had a day where I was feeling very comfortable in my skin. Looked in the mirror and was proud of my progress, my boyfriend said I was looking good. I felt attractive and on top of the world....
How do I celebrate?
Two day fucking BINGE.
Fuck my life. Now I'm back to feel disgusting
[Help] Low cal vegan protein sources? I’m deficient.
/u/NoMindNeverMatter
Created: Sat May 19 07:06:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kl5fd/low_cal_vegan_protein_sources_im_deficient/
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I need about 100g a day to work on this deficiency. I do have protein powder but it’s 150 calories for 20 grams, which puts me over the amount I can eat without feeling manic. I typically eat 250 calories a day but I will go up to 550 if it’s all protein.
Right now I’m thinking about primarily Lightlife hot dogs (13g for 50 calories each). But that’s a pack a day, so it’s an expensive source.
Birth control + nicotine cessation + reach GW = binge from hell
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Sat May 19 06:57:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kl3te/birth_control_nicotine_cessation_reach_gw_binge/
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I'm good at restricting, well not lately, but fasting has always been hard without drugs. I'm going to attempt one for the first time in almost a year. I've been eating like shit for the past 3 weeks and I want to die. I got down to my goal weight the day before the binge. which I found out on the scale at the doctor's office getting a birth control prescription, and around that time I also quit vaping. So FML. Unfortunately the birth control was necessary and vaping became nauseating out of nowhere, and cigs are expensive as fuck. Otherwise I wouldn't have taken the chance of losing my grip on my routine. The damage isn't too bad so I'm hoping I can fix everything by next week
[Rant/Rave] Haven’t spoken to my brother in a decade, attending his wedding today..
/u/thunderbirdandspice
Created: Sat May 19 06:51:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kl2rt/havent_spoken_to_my_brother_in_a_decade_attending/
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My mother said it would bring more drama if I didn’t come than if I did, so I’m headed there now.
I just have that ‘people who haven’t seen me in a while are going to comment on how I look’ anxiety, piled on top of the awkwardness of the situation.
I became estranged from most of my family around the same time as he and I stopped talking, due to my ‘unapologetic liberalism’ (they’re a very conservative Christian Right Wing family).
I manage to find a dress that isn’t form fitting but isn’t a potato sack on me either. Idk, I’m just nervous. I’ve gained since then obviously, and I’m just bracing myself for the ‘oh you look so healthy now’ pseudo compliments.
Sigh.
Wish me luck to not binge on wedding cake, or just in general. Love you guys <3
xxxxx
I crave an underweight BMI so badly.
/u/BIueJayWay
Created: Sat May 19 06:31:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kkzbw/i_crave_an_underweight_bmi_so_badly/
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Just waiting for that day I can put my info through the calculator and see 18.5.. It's unhealthy, I know, but I just can't help it. Is this line of thinking disordered? I'm sure all girls think like this at least sometimes.
[Rant/Rave] Not sure if I’m NB, but if I am, I don’t think I want to come out until I’m much thinner.
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Sat May 19 06:23:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kkxyh/not_sure_if_im_nb_but_if_i_am_i_dont_think_i_want/
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Lmao I keep thinking I’ve got the cause of my ED figured out but the more I think about it, the more it’s this huge myriad of factors
I *think* I might be non-binary. I’m not sure. There are parts of being a woman and the experience of being a woman that I definitely identify with, but other parts that feel so alien to me. But idk how much of that is due to my autism and sexuality and how much of that can be put down to gender identity. I also feel like if I was non-binary I’d be seen as just trying to get more ‘oppression points’ (I’m already mixed race, bi, autistic and physically disabled).
Anyways. I kind of feel like even if I figured all of that out, and it turns out I am NB, then people wouldn’t take me seriously if I came out right now. My hips and thighs are way more ‘feminine’ looking and I know that maybe it’s me trying to fit into a box of what NB people are presented as but I feel like if I lost a lot more weight and looked more androgynous looking people would be better w me identifying as that.
(I think I should probably just stop thinking about *why* I have an eating disorder and trying to be all introspective/deep about it when it probably isn’t that deep and instead just focus on losing weight, lmao)
oh hell yeah
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Sat May 19 06:21:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kkxlz/oh_hell_yeah/
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https://i.redd.it/bd8j81y02ty01.png
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! May 19, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 19 06:11:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kkvom/stupid_questions_saturday_may_19_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for May 19, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 19, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 19 06:11:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kkvol/daily_food_diary_may_19_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 19, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
'and lose some weight'
/u/Yoclairecara10
Created: Sat May 19 05:24:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kko06/and_lose_some_weight/
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i lost my virginity about a week ago, and it wasn't with a boy I liked, I felt kinda pressured into it but like not in a way where I said no? just that I didn't want to do it but didn't care enough to make a fuss.
i regret it, but i obviously can't change it now and i just have to learn from my mistake right? he was super nasty afterwards, telling my friends that I was a '4/10, good for someone who need their hole but not for anything else' and that he 'felt bad because she was a virgin, I have plenty of hot girls I could have'.
that's upsetting, but when asked what I could change for the better he said that I had to lose some weight (and get a labia transplant but I can't do much about that).
i feel awful about feeling like this, but that's the worst thing that's come out of this? like I don't care that everyone thinks I'm a slut or something, or that he said im worthless, it's the acknowledgment that I'm fat. that that's the reason I was bad, because of my weight. because of something I'm too weak to control. it makes me want to never ever eat again, and it's fucked up but I like it? i like the motivation. if he thinks that then it just be obvious, no one else has seen me like that so he has to be right.
I didn't know who else to tell honestly, I can't face telling my friends because then they'll think I'm fat.
if you read this lol thank you, and you're really amazing <33
[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Had to eat at maintenance today. Not happy about it but I think it was necessary. Shower thoughts.
/u/Sidehothrowaway
Created: Sat May 19 04:05:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kkcrw/rant_had_to_eat_at_maintenance_today_not_happy/
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This week has been a bit dicey and I have been a bit of a monster. Between kids, work, and contractors working on the inside of my house in the evenings (wtf) I've had no peace. I'm anyways go go go from 4am to 9-10 pm and stay busy and the heavy restricting really caught up with me. I literally could not function the last few days, but I still can't sit still. I'm a mean walking zombie robot.
We ended up going out to eat today with the kids because I had a melt down over having to go into the grocery store. Decided on this nice Asian buffet place. I brought my own home made avocado oil and duck egg mayo dip like a neurotic freak (can't trust anything these days) and loaded up on veggies from the salad bar with red wine vinegar and salt, cold mussels with pico on them, kimchi, peel and eat shrimp, and some salmon sashimi. Barely got through like a third of it and had to box the rest. Of course then they charge you by weight for what you take home so I ended up having to pay twice as much for my food (bullshit). Still felt like a zombie a few hours later. Logged what I ate based on what was left in the box after weighing it and I was still way under even my normal restricting goal. Soooooo I decided to eat at maintenance. I just ate. Had some of the leftovers and then 3oz of liver with 4 tablespoons of my mayo (putting me at 6 tablespoons for the day for a whopping 731cal just on mayo) with a vitamin.
I'm at 1437 calories, 99g protein, 28g carbs, 101g fat. It feels like a binge, even though it was all lean protein, healthy fats, and raw veg. All within my diet, just over restriction calories and macros. All I did was eat like a normal person. My stomach is upset. I don't feel well. I didn't eat because I wanted to binge, I ate because I didn't want to feel bad tomorrow. I wanted to feel better but now I feel horrible. Tomorrow I'll probably feel refreshed and energized, but right now I just feel I made a huge mistake. I even fit into a size 10 jeans today when I was out shopping, which is one size away from my goal size, which needs to be reassessed because 6 seems like it would be better than 8 now that I've seen what 10 looks like.
---
I actually fell asleep typing everything above. For the first time recently I woke up (even though I overslept) not feeling like a corpse for once. Bloated, but energetic. I have no problem drinking 1000 calories worth of alcohol once a week and that makes me feel like garbage the next day, why is 1000 extra calories worth of food such a big deal? Especially when it could make me a better person to be around. Now that last night's melt down is over, I'm glad I ate the food even though I'm a mess over it. Hopefully work will go better today. As much as I needed a break from feeling so horrible, everyone around me needs a break from the evil spaced out scatter brained zombie queen who can't go from sitting to standing properly without stabilization or she'll fall down.
I guess it all boils down to recognising when the body is in the danger zone, energy wise. Might need a few more maintenance days a month now that I'm much closer to goal weight. I don't know. Sorry for rambling. Can't really talk about all this anywhere else.
Anyone else incorporate non-binge re-feed days without having them lead back into binge cycles? I'm a bit nervous about that part. I haven't binged since February and can't go back to that.
[Discussion] Anyone else has this weird itching throat sensation?
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Sat May 19 04:00:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kkc3n/anyone_else_has_this_weird_itching_throat/
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Title. Since i stopped restricting I have this constant itching sensation in my throat. My hands are also still cold all the time. Perhaps a thyroid problem?
Comments from people suck
/u/crankyhedgiebutt
Created: Sat May 19 03:21:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kk6xo/comments_from_people_suck/
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Hey everyone,
I've been browsing the sub and noticed we all have such a hard time with people's comments about our eating. Omg yes it's so hard dealing with people who comment on what or how we eat. I opened this thread for us to vent together!
Ive dealt with two different types of comments in the past week. My new boss took me grocery shopping (since I had to move very far and didn't have transportation) and she was very surprised at the things I bought. She seemed to think I was starving myself or not like food. She was pointing out things and asking if I wanted them (a lot of frozen processed crap) and I told her no. I got my basic proteins, carbs, fruit, and veggies. She asked if I wasn't a "foodie". And I said yeah, but not when I cook. I eat plain. She said that's no way to live. Umm okay it's my life lady. My body I want to fuel properly.
And later she asked why I get the things I do. I was so flustered by that. I told her I just want to eat healthy (honestly true!) And she seemed so thrown off by it. Like it was weird. I just didn't appreciate all of her questions and comments. She even was like, "but you're so tiny!" Yeah I don't get this way without effort lol.
And yesterday I go out for a cheat meal (which honestly helps things move along so it's not always bad). The guy taking me and my friends order (my friend is a guy), and he had no problem taking his order. He was surprised I wanted a cider and also assumed I wanted the same thing as my friend. and then when it was my turn to order he asked, "do you want anything?" Like I wouldn't want to eat food. I ordered a way less heathy meal than my guy friend proudly. Who the hell is that guy to judge what I eat or rather if I eat?
It was so weird how he went about asking for my orders. It made me feel uncomfortable to the point I kinda wanna call the restaurant and complain. But idk if it's my weirdness shining through and imagining things but he honestly asked for my orders in a weird way. And I know I'm not obviously overweight so it wasn't because he thought I was fat. Maybe it was the opposite? It just made me feel shitty. I just wanted a day of fun and good (bad for you) food and not having to worry for once about calories. He didn't help that at all.
Anybody else have comments like that this week? And anybody else have a hard time with constipation too? It's like when I eat too clean I get backed up and then I have a greasy meal that helps move things along. Anybody have the same thing? Anybody know any healthy foods that might help with constipation instead of greasy things?
Feel free to unload here about your week :)
Something really bad happened...
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Sat May 19 00:29:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kjklk/something_really_bad_happened/
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I went clubbing today and smoke and drank. On the way home I started to feel dizzy and then I fainted on the train... fainted on my stop. I woke up and left. Someone asked if I was ok... I was soo hungry at work today, even though I had lunch. I can't faint. This cannot happen again.
[Rant/Rave] Fave thing!!!!
/u/mayuhbee
Created: Sat May 19 00:24:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kjjvy/fave_thing/
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I loooove how I can undo whole week’s restriction with one binge!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍 also love how I can eat until I’m bursting and in pain and yet I’m still hungry 😍😍😍😍😍 this is great!!!!!!!
[Goal] Sabotaging goal weight
/u/avoidfillingfeeling
Created: Fri May 18 23:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kjbu6/sabotaging_goal_weight/
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I’m seriously freaking out and having such a bad night.
I’m heading to residential treatment for my ED — flying out Sunday night and admitting Monday morning. I had one goal. One minor goal. Reach my first goal weight before I go away. I was working so hard. I was 2 and a half pounds away and still had days to go before I was leaving which was plenty of time for me to reach my first goal weight. I was confident that it was going to happen. I was so close. Then I spent the last two days bingeing and purging. The last two days my weight has gone up and after the eating and the bingeing and purging today I’m sure it’s going to go up again tomorrow.
I hate myself so much. I can’t believe I did this. I can’t believe I sabotaged this. I had one minor thing to do after putting myself through hell for months now. It was such a simple task and I ruined it. I feel like such a failure.
All I wanted was to see that number just once. I wanted to prove to myself that I could reach it before I went away and was forced to gain even more weight. I feel so disgusting and like such a failure and I just want to fast the next couple of days so I can at least lose some of this weight that I gained before I admit so they can take me somewhat seriously that I’m sick. I feel like because I didn’t reach my goal no one will take me seriously there. It’s such bullshit. I know that a couple of pounds difference between where i am and my goal weight really doesn’t mean much but I feel so disgusting and just want to die.
Got so tired that I stopped caring about restricting
/u/shoeflygabs
Created: Fri May 18 22:41:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kj2or/got_so_tired_that_i_stopped_caring_about/
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Multiple days of having to wake up at 3am to commute somewhere further away for work. It's the first day in awhile that I was off by noon which left me the entire day to eat. My stomach is so full, I feel disgusting, but I'm just too tired to care. I'm sooo going to regret everything tomorrow morning.
Update on my post tonsillectomy
/u/-teaqueen-
Created: Fri May 18 22:25:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kizsk/update_on_my_post_tonsillectomy/
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I’ve gone down 2 belt holes guys. I think I’ve lost ten pounds!!! All liquid diet is brutal and I miss chewing buuuut this feels awesome. I’m on the smallest hole on my belt! I haven’t been there since I was 16. And that’s a hole I had to poke myself cause I used to be so thin! I’m so happy.
I hate myself
/u/starvingbride
Created: Fri May 18 22:20:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kiz0t/i_hate_myself/
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Like, truly and fully, I hate myself.
I was on vacation last weekend and ate/drank to my heart’s desire. Now I’m home and hating every single picture on that vacation. I also went out to brunch with some old coworkers yesterday. I ate more than I had in two days combined but I still managed to look fatter than all of them.
I’ve been sick with a wicked cold so I haven’t eaten much since that brunch. But then my fiancé brought home some really good whiskey., and now I’m drunk.
Idk. I just hate how I look. I hate all my extra fat. My sister/MOH has always been so tiny and I hate her for it. I feel like I will never be small and will always be a some round faced ugly girl that no one could possibly find attractive. She will probably outshine me on my wedding day and I hate thinking that because I know she isn’t thinking about that kind of thing at all.
Why can’t I just be tiny and normal???
[Rant/Rave] Stressed about not having a scale
/u/lighterthanever
Created: Fri May 18 22:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kiyzh/stressed_about_not_having_a_scale/
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So I'm going to Denver this weekend (yay for branching out and seeing a band I love, phantogram) but I'm super stressed about not being able to have a scale when I'm there. I obsessively weigh myself, especially after eating and I'm so stressed about not having mine to keep track of things. It makes it worse knowing I'll be eating new food and can't have my safe foods ready to go. Ugh ED's suck bc I know this isn't a problem I should be stressing about while going to see a band I adore.
[Discussion] Q for Islamic people in recovery/still in ED!
/u/redelisd
Created: Fri May 18 21:45:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kiszp/q_for_islamic_people_in_recoverystill_in_ed/
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So with Ramadan if you’re a problematic faster or someone with bad associations with food I have questions !!
For those in recovery: is it triggering? It must be so hard to separate belief from old habits.
Are you exempt from fasting if you’re inpatient?
Can you explain to your institution that it’s part of your religion and they change your eating schedule?
For those still in ED
A friend once said to me to explain Ramadan which apparently is a quote from the qu’ran ‘11 months of the year we feed our bodies, this month we feed our souls’ do you feel like this doesn’t apply to you due to your disorder?
Do you use Ramadan to mask your disorder?
If your family knows your tendencies what is the conduct?
I’m not of this belief and I have relatively limited knowledge so I’m genuinely just curious as it seems such an interesting weave of our community and a way of life !
It doesn’t feel safe to be a perfectionist
/u/hamburger_helpher
Created: Fri May 18 21:42:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kiseu/it_doesnt_feel_safe_to_be_a_perfectionist/
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It all really sucks.
Killed myself through college to be the best at my craft, leads in all the operas, hospitalized 5+ times. Graduate and get a full time job with insurance as... a barista?
Do everything everyone asks me to do, including but not limited to the jobs of everyone else. Get perfect scores on my evaluations and receive a.. (dun dunununn!!) twenty cent raise.
Try to break down my walls and show love the best I can to partners only to have them only want me for sex and nothing more. Watch them move on with other people they’re proud to parade around after fucking me in private while I’m being a moron making them mix cds with custom covers and asking them what all they want/need, doing it, getting used over and over and not understanding why I’m not worth the realio dealio.
Work overtime to distract myself from hurt.
At least I get oral surgery in a few days/legitimate reasons to restrict and isolate and watch Netflix.
I’m so sad. This all super super sucks. I don’t understand why I’m not good enough for good things. I recovered and hasn’t lapsed in five years and people have just used me dry. This is the only thing I can control. This is the only thing where the work actually achieves the deserved results.
I just want to be small, maybe if I’m not “sexy” people will stop treating me like ass all the time.
My arm was too small for a tourniquet at the blood drive
/u/HereLiesAEmptySpace
Created: Fri May 18 20:46:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kihyq/my_arm_was_too_small_for_a_tourniquet_at_the/
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My university had a blood donation this week. Obviously, I'm over the weight requirement, but for some reason people tend to really suck at guessing weight at might height so some people get confused.
I mentioned to a friend that I was going, and she kind of gave me this look and asked me if I was sure I weighed enough for that. I told her I did, and she kind of raised her eyebrows but was like "okay..."
\(Note: I do tend to restrict my calories, but not too extremely, and I ate plenty the day of the donation, plus took some iron, so I'm pretty confident my blood was good to go.\)
They had me on the table and had to wrap the elastic around my arm to get my vein to bulge out \(I have nice veins apparently\) and the guy had to put the strap down and go get the cuff because "your arm is too small, I need something a little smaller".
It felt really good.
[Discussion] ED has made me hate food
/u/Pinetree_grrl
Created: Fri May 18 20:18:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kicoy/ed_has_made_me_hate_food/
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I'm kind of drunk right now (and on mobile, so double yayyyy), but I've noticed more and more recently that no matter which mode I'm in, I'm kind of getting to where I hate food. When I'm restricting every little thing I put in my mouth scares the fuck out of me, and when I'm stuck in a b/p cycle everything past the first bite is misery, a) because I'm full and miserable and b) because I know I'll have to claw it back out of me shortly. I wish I could wake up and just not ever feel hungry or need/want to eat. What a nuisance. Anyone else?
[Rant/Rave] Hardly been able to sleep all week ~proceeds to take EC stack at 7pm~
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Fri May 18 20:09:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kiaut/hardly_been_able_to_sleep_all_week_proceeds_to/
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Just ed things amirite
And I’ll prob be up so late that I cave and order pizza... but don’t worry ya’ll I’m 48 hours fasted
[Help] Looking for a buddy
/u/MobileGene
Created: Fri May 18 20:01:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ki9b4/looking_for_a_buddy/
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[removed]
[Other] Calories burned with EC stack?
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Fri May 18 19:54:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ki7xg/calories_burned_with_ec_stack/
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So I have been doing EC for a while and am gradually losing weight better than I was.
I looked it up and people have said it burns about 60 cals a day. I feel like this was per dose ( I bronkaid and 200mg caffeine) so I do this two to 3 times a day. Is it 60 cals per dose? Just have been thinking about this.
I know the appetite suppressant of it is what helps me the most but I found this kinda interesting and was wondering if anyone had solid info?
[Rant/Rave] Dinner fun...not
/u/mellobaby
Created: Fri May 18 19:38:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ki53h/dinner_funnot/
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My boyfriend came to dinner with the family tonight and there were 8 of us there, two being children (8 and 5). The lovely boyfriend called me out in front of everyone for not eating and goes "why aren't you eating, you just said you were hungry?" Like thanks babe, it's becsuse I binge ate yesterday so I'm trying to avoid food but I can't tell any of these guys this bc they don't know. You, however, do know and know how much anxiety this causes me.
Proceeded to choke down a sloppy joe and then purge but whatever
[Rant/Rave] The never ending cycle
/u/gnatthebunny
Created: Fri May 18 19:36:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ki4ni/the_never_ending_cycle/
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God I'm so mad at myself. I've been doing so so good staying below 800 cals per day lately and then ofc I start my fucking period and binge on wings, fries, cereal, tamales, and whatever else I can shove in my mouth. I feel so fat and disgusting and bloated like a whale. But I didn't purge this time so win? Ugh...I am so sick of the same old binge/restrict shit I swear. I wish I had more willpower.
[Rant/Rave] Food and celebrations
/u/ilikepizza6665
Created: Fri May 18 19:04:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8khyj4/food_and_celebrations/
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I hate how closely food is tied with celebration. I graduate from college tomorrow and so I’ll be eating with family and friends all weekend and I just don’t want to deal with this. Why did I just eat a pastry my dad bought for me when I wasn’t hungry at all? Ugh
Pro: guy came up to me on the street and said I was pretty. Con: I was currently half way through devouring a falafel.
/u/Melusedek
Created: Fri May 18 18:57:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8khx4r/pro_guy_came_up_to_me_on_the_street_and_said_i/
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Literally " you are the most insanely sexy woman I've seen eating that kebab. Keep doing what you're doing."
This is on my way to the train to the club after having my throat hate-fucked by a can of chickpeas (which was supposed to be my dinner after semi purging lunch). I was trying to convince myself that this was okay if I walked all the way to the train and danced for at least 6 hours (but most likely +8).
He was really polite about it, not creepy at all but I hate the idea that my "binge" was being watched and commented on. Half the time I go through life telling myself that no one cares about I'm doing.
Thanks dude. Sorry your well intended comment resulted in a torrent of torment.
Does anyone else look around them to compare body weights to, and finds no one?
/u/bumblebatty00
Created: Fri May 18 18:56:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8khwsh/does_anyone_else_look_around_them_to_compare_body/
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Probably most relevant, though not exclusively, to those that aren't outliers since there's more people around their weight.
Either people are so much smaller than I am or fatter.
I'm a normal BMI on the high end unfortunately.
I don't see anyone a size that I see myself as.
purging advice?
/u/raininginkyoto_
Created: Fri May 18 18:28:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8khrlc/purging_advice/
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i can't access the sub rules because I'm on mobile, so mods please feel free to remove this if it violates anything.
Basically I've tried to purge/make myself puke on a few occasions now, and I find it hard to make anything happen except some fluid and a LOT of phlegm, maybe some trace of food if I'm lucky. Even if i persevere for ages, all trying harder does is kill my throat.
Is there any way to make this work?
I refuse to take pictures at my college graduation
/u/trytostay
Created: Fri May 18 18:20:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8khpt4/i_refuse_to_take_pictures_at_my_college_graduation/
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I don’t want to remember how I look in this moment. I have eaten one meal a day for the past week but it’s not nearly enough to get me where I needed to be when I graduate on Sunday. I don’t ever want to document how I look right now. All I see is gross and annoying.
I’m making tiny game plans in my head. I have two friends who will want to take pictures with me but luckily my family isn’t coming and only my boyfriend will be there. I just have to avoid those two friends and blame it on not getting cell service and not being able to find them in the crowd.
Somehow I just have to get through this day. *Ugh.*
Update On Pretty Dress: I'm Not Wearing It Because I Binged Yesterday (:
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Fri May 18 18:07:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8khmxg/update_on_pretty_dress_im_not_wearing_it_because/
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I hate myself so much. Every time I think my self esteem couldn't get any lower, someone hands me a shovel and says "keep digging". I'm just gonna wear a band tee and probably chain smoke the whole time because I'm just ready for life to be over. I just started EC stacks and I'm gonna continue until one (or all) of the pills I take probably kill me. Sorry if this is really bumming people out. I'm just really sad.
[Other] Actually truly terrifying - 'I Was Fucking Fat' (cross post from r/nosleep)
/u/rxBootySlayer
Created: Fri May 18 18:04:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8khmai/actually_truly_terrifying_i_was_fucking_fat_cross/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/8jbgth/i_was_fucking_fat/?utm_source=reddit-android
As much as it sucks, your body needs food and sleep, don't make the same mistake as I did
/u/Plz_Can_You_Not
Created: Fri May 18 18:00:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8khlkh/as_much_as_it_sucks_your_body_needs_food_and/
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I am in exam season at university and I've lost my appetite so I was taking advantage of that. I mean, who wouldn't? I started only eating one meal a day and then without noticing I stopped eating all of it because I was full after eating half. Thing is that that was maximum 500 calories per day, I was just happy that I wasn't gaining weight and thought I'd be okay.
I also didn't sleep for two days so I could study more. Let me tell you some things that happened to me in this time:
-My memory went, I struggled remembering stuff which was important or something I did five minutes ago. My mind was a mess.
-Conversation skills honestly took a huge toll, I had to think really hard to speak, I would repeat myself, not be able to find certain words in my head so stutter and appear like a child, not understand what someone was saying, etc. My mind kept going blank.
-Dizziness...now this is why I am posting. On the day of my exam I was a mess, I couldn't remember how to swallow food and I didn't realise that I hadn't eaten for two days basically and for two weeks before that I barely ate either. My vision went weird, black around the sides, there was ringing in my ears and my body was tingling. I felt weird walking and couldn't concentrate.
What happened as a result...
Went to the A&E, heartrate was 150+, got sent to the emergency ward where I was traumatised by seeing people in serious accidents, someone died in the bed next to mine. I sat there as they monitored my heart and did blood tests while giving me fluids, they thought something was really wrong with me.
My heartrate spiked even more because of anxiety and I overheard them saying that my risks of having a heart attack were extremely high so they made me stay overnight.
It's not worth it guys, my body and mind are a mess. I have needle marks on my arm from when they put fluid in me. My mind is still foggy and I had the experience of seeing people die in the same room as me.
You eat for a reason as much as it may suck. Food is fuel for your body, if you keep filling the tank up less and less eventually it is going to run out of fuel but first it stops wasting energy on things that it doesn't see as necessary for your body to live so you're basically a zombie.
We tend to see our body as a possession of ours that we want to change but what we fail to remember is that our body is us. Without it we couldn't exist, we are one and we are linked. Remember that, by damaging your body that includes things that our mind needs to be fully functional.
So I know it is tempting to just not eat but please don't. It's not worth becoming a zombie or even worse, please take care. ❤️
[Other] Things my bf said which makes me sad
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Fri May 18 16:58:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kh8gz/things_my_bf_said_which_makes_me_sad/
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(Just clarifying - he has never said anything derogatory or mean towards me, he’s the most kind person in the world and I’m completely head over heels in love. Im sad bc of my fucked up mind, not him at all!!!)
My bf doesn’t know about my ED. He knows I have trouble with body image and that I don’t like my body, I mention “diets” all the time to him (lmao “healthy weight loss diet” aka if I eat over 1000 calories I want to die). He’s so supportive of me and really helps me to work on my confidence - whenever I’m around him I actually feel beautiful because he sees me as such. (Probably why most of my binges end up with him fuk)
Today we had went out for lunch and i was feeling disgusting as I’d planned to restrict (which I kinda did wooooo that lunch was all I had all day) and he had his hand on my tummy and I said something along the lines of “ew yuck” and he made it clear he thought I had a beautiful, tiny tummy and that bloating is perfectly normal after eating. I said, “I prefer it without the bloat tho” and he said “That would mean you’d starve yourself and I’d hate to see you hurt yourself.” OOoooOooooH boy did that make me sad.
This man is the sweetest ever, I love him and I don’t wanna up our relationship bc of this ED. I know if I told him he’d just want me to recover and I can’t. Not yet. This is just me rambling lmao, my emotions have been all over the show.
Has anyone’s SO said stuff like this which have made them sad?
[Help] Help with diet
/u/MobileGene
Created: Fri May 18 16:43:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kh52s/help_with_diet/
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Currently struggling with binge eating. Can some people help me to properly restrict. Like how many calories should I go down to per day, stop binging. Im a male and weigh 170 at 5"9 and wanna get down to at least 145 in the next two months and 1/2 months . Is it doable?
[Rant/Rave] Finally, I’m now a size 6(NZ/AU) jeans!
/u/squishyskeleton
Created: Fri May 18 16:41:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kh4kx/finally_im_now_a_size_6nzau_jeans/
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Clearly a rave. I’m so happy. I’ve been able to fit skirts this small and such but I’ve always had problems with jeans. Now I’m finally there. I bought a pair today and they fit. I nearly cried of happiness in my work bathroom. Even though I still feel and look fat in my mind at least I know my size is small.
I think they’re a size 2? In US sizing. Not gonna lie. I never know haha.
Amazing appetite suppressant!
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Fri May 18 16:30:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kh24c/amazing_appetite_suppressant/
---
Hey guys! Did you know? Failing 2 classes and disappointing everyone you know is a quick and easy way to kill cravings fast!! 💖
does anyone else have breathing difficulties
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Fri May 18 16:17:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kgz9y/does_anyone_else_have_breathing_difficulties/
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often i find i have to put more effort into breathing. i dont think its anxiety, maybe it is but i usually experience it when im relaxed and tired. a nurse checked my breathing recently and said my lungs sound clear. does anyone else experience this?
I hate that I don’t have a choice.
/u/mayuhbee
Created: Fri May 18 16:11:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kgxu7/i_hate_that_i_dont_have_a_choice/
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My choices are to eat and try to have a normal life, or to try to be skinny- and have to gain weight in the end anyway.
I want to live a normal life and be very small. I feel like it’s my right to have both. I want to restrict my intake, go to school, and work. I can do it. I’ve done it before.
But nope. My right to do that is gone. And I resent my mom for that right at this moment.
I’m crying right now because sometimes I feel so stuck it hurts. I want to be tiny again. I was forced inpatient when I was 16, and they found I already had osteoporosis. When I was 18 I was hospitalized for heart failure and was recorded having an episode of Torsades de Pointes while I was hooked up to the monitor. A scan showed I had lost 60% of my heart wall.
These events led to my mom begging me to go to treatment again, and at my subsequent refusal, she contacted a judge and they declared me mentally incapacitated and court ordered me to treatment again. And again after that. They took me in fucking restraints to court. You know how humiliating that was?
So now I’m stuck. I’m stuck in a fat body that I don’t want. I’m 21 years old. I am still considered “gravely disabled” until I can prove I’m recovered. I’ve lost in court 5 times.
I’m trying to rebuild my life. I’m working and starting school again in the fall. But I want to lose weight. If I lose weight, I’ll be forced to go IP again and I’ll lose my job and school (again) and I’ll get fat again anyway. So I have to live in this stupid fat disgusting body.
I hate this. I’m so trapped and I hate that there’s no end in sight.
Thanks for reading.
Someone I hate who used to be bigger than me is thinner than me now.
/u/Dim_Lighthouse
Created: Fri May 18 16:05:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kgweu/someone_i_hate_who_used_to_be_bigger_than_me_is/
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Or at least, I think so. It definitely seems like it. BDD makes me a little unsure, and also we have different heights.
I hate myself for wasting mental space on these stupid comparisons. Despite my own personal issues I never thought that I looked down on anyone for being bigger than me. But apparently I looked down on her, subconsciously at least, and now I'm hating myself and looking down on myself and I can't help but frame it as a "point" in her favor. And I just keep imagining she's thinking "Oh, haha, I'm thinner than her now." Ugh ugh ugh.
5 Best and Easy Ways To lose extra body weight
/u/Jadesewell
Created: Fri May 18 15:43:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kgray/5_best_and_easy_ways_to_lose_extra_body_weight/
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https://www.healthyator.com/2018/05/5-best-and-easy-ways-to-lose-extra-body.html?m=1
Someone I ate who used to be bigger than me is thinner than me now.
/u/Dim_Lighthouse
Created: Fri May 18 15:35:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kgpl1/someone_i_ate_who_used_to_be_bigger_than_me_is/
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I hate myself for wasting mental space on these stupid comparisons. Despite my own personal issues I never thought that I looked down on anyone for being bigger than me. But apparently I looked down on her, subconsciously at least, and now I'm hating myself and looking down on myself and I can't help but frame it as a "point" in her favor. And I just keep imagining she's thinking "Oh, haha, I'm thinner than her now." Ugh ugh ugh.
Scared about being triggered...but also excited?
/u/giraffle9
Created: Fri May 18 15:24:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kgmuf/scared_about_being_triggeredbut_also_excited/
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I'm moving back to my parents house soon and I want it to be temporary but I know I need to focus on paying back loans so it might not be.
Anyway...being home is so triggering for me. I've been doing ok, I've been happy, but being home means remembering my low weight and remembering myself crying in the shower after the gym every day and it means my dad asking me if I'm going to workout and then my parents getting mad when I don't eat.
I'm 24 years old and idk if I can deal with that. I feel pretty pathetic...but here are my thoughts.
[Help] How to stop cravings
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Fri May 18 14:59:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kggxy/how_to_stop_cravings/
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I’m 5’5” and weigh 115, I wanna get to 105. What is a reasonable time to achieve this? How can I fight cravings
I didn't gain!
/u/tjking333
Created: Fri May 18 14:55:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kgfwp/i_didnt_gain/
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Yesterday I had three pretty bad binge purge sessions (RIP my throat), and I seriously thought I'd wake up heavier, but I didn't!. I lost a pound and a half. I know it's probably just water weight or something but I just feel so relieved.
[Rant/Rave] im kind of impressed by how oblivious my mom is
/u/Matryoshka-Doll
Created: Fri May 18 14:47:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kgdyj/im_kind_of_impressed_by_how_oblivious_my_mom_is/
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for reference, i live w my folks and im currently on my third week of restriction (tryna stay under 400cal/day)
just now my mom was complaining about how my sister just ate a whole loaf of bread and shes maybe 80 lbs soaking wet (shes 12, i digress) and i was like "god, i know. im not skinny, i dont eat anything, i should be skinny." and my mom gives me a weird look and says "but you do eat. i saw you stuffing your face the other day."
and i was thinking back to that day, i knew which one it was because she said the same exact thing that day. and i was like "you mean that one day i had half a doughnut and two forkfuls of spaghetti??" and she just turned away from me and just said "yeah, well, thats still a lot of carbs."
guys, all ive had to "eat" in the past few days was a bowl of chicken broth.
i want to cry lmfao :~)
I'm giving up c/s and I need your support and advice!
/u/shelifts45
Created: Fri May 18 14:35:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kgarh/im_giving_up_cs_and_i_need_your_support_and_advice/
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I'm so tired of wasting food from c/s and not knowing how many calories I inadvertently consume. I've struggled with this one and off for years. Starting tomorrow, I'm not going to c/s anymore. If I want to "taste"something, I have to eat it, or not eat it at all. Any advice and support is appreciated.
Gender Ideology Triggering Restriction
/u/bleedingsnowblind
Created: Fri May 18 14:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kg38a/gender_ideology_triggering_restriction/
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How many girls have wanted to disappear; to starve themselves into taking up less space. I hate it, yet it seems like an escape from the horrors of patriarchal society. I have control over what I eat and the amount of space my body takes up. No man can rob me of that control. I can’t control what happened to me sexually or control the male violence I've experienced, I can’t stop men from degrading me or other women, but I can control what I eat now.
Organizing my food and restriction distracts me from gender. I watch as male people claim to be more of a woman than females because they wear high heels and make-up and “feel” like a woman—whatever that means. They make a mockery of women and claim they are oppressed when women don’t indulge their narcissistic delusions. If I’m hungry, all I have to think about is not eating and falling asleep until my feeding time the next day. I get skinnier, less of me exists and it feels like I can hide; light and empty in my bedroom. I can pretend gender doesn't exist in my little world. I can pretend people aren't this sexist and believe their being socially-progressive by being so sexist.
[Help] Low blood sugar all the time
/u/WhimsyMoth
Created: Fri May 18 14:01:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kg298/low_blood_sugar_all_the_time/
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Recently something changed and it’s kinda concerning. My blood sugar level drops reeeeally quickly for some reason. Like if I just skip breakfast, I will get extremely shaky and dizzy. Usually I drink some juice because it helps for a while but it gets really bad after more than 12 hours of not eating.
Should I go see a doctor? It does concern me quite a bit, but I would prefer not to see a doctor if it isn’t life threatening.
[Rant/Rave] I've been home for a week and I can't stop binging
/u/camtullus
Created: Fri May 18 13:53:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kg067/ive_been_home_for_a_week_and_i_cant_stop_binging/
---
My family has collectively awful eating habits (most of them are obese) and it's been weirdly shell-shocking being back in that environment. At college I could just fast and nobody would know or care -- here I have access to food all the time. I've been feeling so isolated and generally fucked up from lingering stress that I've just been eating basically everything in the house. Today I purged for the first time in a while and I still feel like shit. I just feel so incredibly out of control and it's killing me. I'm too intimidated to weigh myself but I feel like I'm up 10 pounds since last week. Anyone have any ideas as to what I can do to stop this spiral?
Why isn't it socially acceptable to take scales to restaurants?
/u/jnlh93
Created: Fri May 18 13:36:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kfvrf/why_isnt_it_socially_acceptable_to_take_scales_to/
---
I booked a cool cinema experience for me and SO on Sunday, but he keeps talking about going out for dinner beforehand. Naturally I am freaking out because atm I've got a 299 cal a day average, and unless they are well known chains, restaurants in the UK don't often have calorie counts.
I may be able to convince him to go to the real greek, where I can have hummus, crudetes, and maybe beans?? And eat half of each, or maybe Wagamama (which I don't even like) and I can have prawns, edaname and a green salad ... but other than that, I'm running out of options. Eugh.
Last time I went out, I ate half and went home and measured the other half so I could get the calories, but I only had fish and veg so knew it would be fine.
Eugh.
feel like 800-900 calories is too much, i've lost it lmao
/u/callmecasady
Created: Fri May 18 13:31:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kfuf1/feel_like_800900_calories_is_too_much_ive_lost_it/
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i've been consistently eating 800-900 calories a day, mostly just pre packaged salads and sandwiches. i find them to be incredibly filling and they also effectively deal with my salt/carb cravings.
of course feeling full leads to guilt, the same guilt felt after a binge. i feel like i'm eating a LOT more than 800 calories every day and it's fucking with my head big time.
idk how to convince myself 800 calories isn't a lot. it's considered undereating for most people with eating disorders and i'm a dude who's over 6 foot tall. i have no idea how i'm full on a sandwich and a salad a day- its crazy considering my appetite in the past.
i go to the gym 3x a week for at least an hour and bike everywhere i can, yet i'm really still not feeling the hunger at all except for the hour or so leading up to my daily meal (i eat once a day at 8pm)
i'm paranoid that i'm somehow eating more than what the calories on the package are, it freaks me out big time. i'm not even at a low weight and i've not been eating this low for long at all- i've only recently broken out of a 5 month binge cycle.
the only thing i refuse to do is weigh myself because even seeing a half lb increase will trigger a binge without fail.
ughhhhhhh im losing my shit here. someone reassure me im not somehow fucking up.
I just wanna feel small enough to protect
/u/chickenboooooty
Created: Fri May 18 13:29:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kftr8/i_just_wanna_feel_small_enough_to_protect/
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I went out last night with some friends and I only had like two shots and a drink and smoked a bit of weed with some friends, and even though I'm not really a lightweight, i guess just the recent weight-loss and lack of food made the alcohol hit me really hard and we were also outside and I live in Canada so it's still pretty chilly.... I was freezing and the whole night, people were taking care of me, and idk it just made me feel so protected and small (even tho I'm pretty fucking massive lmaoo whaddup)...
Three different guys gave me their jackets and idk I just wanna feel like that all the time. Like I'm small and worthy and cute
[Rant/Rave] Pizza?!!!??
/u/radbitch666
Created: Fri May 18 13:11:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kfp4r/pizza/
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Okay so like this is really dumb but I never actually knew how many fucking calories were in pizza??? Whenever I go through restrictive times I never even thought about eating it and then when I would have “normal/recovered” phases I would eat it and not even think to find out its calories because I apparently am the worst poster child for people with ED’s. Anyways I just looked it up because I binged on some last night and I actually want to die!! anyways thanks for listening friends if anyone needs me I’m gonna go scream at my reflection for lunch :)))
[Rant/Rave] Looking at food is my favorite past time
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Fri May 18 13:03:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kfn4d/looking_at_food_is_my_favorite_past_time/
---
Pretty sure most of us do it 🤷🏻♀️
I have a shit ton of free time at my job and I spend it looking at food pages on insta and looking at online menus (and here too obvs)
My will power is pretty strong so it usually doesn’t lead me to slip up or anything but I do wonder if it contributes to how soon I break my fast? Like I don’t binge bc I’m looking at food but I’m worried it makes it easier for me to give in to eating when it’s time for me to break my fast (I am constantly fasting at least 24-48 hours) if that makes sense....
Part of me wants to train my mind to not think about food all the time but it’s my only guilty pleasure since I won’t eat lol
Met a coworker who's skinnier than me
/u/finnkat
Created: Fri May 18 12:40:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kfh17/met_a_coworker_whos_skinnier_than_me/
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So I recently worked with a girl I've never worked with before (I work retail and our schedules have never lined up) and she's sooooo skinny!!!! She might be the same weight as me, but a couple inches taller, and she's pretty and she's nice. And I hate her. Like, I think about it at home how much better than me she is and how she's probably laughing at me for thinking I'm skinny. Logically I know she's not but fuck I can't get it out of my head. And I've been eating more lately because I went on vacation so indulged a bit, then ate at the airport because my planes were all messed up and I was stressed, then I almost passed out at work so I've been eating breakfast the past couple days, and everytime I put something in my mouth I think of her. And how skinny she is and she probably doesn't eat as much as I do and I hate myself and I hate her and I hate myself for hating her because she hasn't done anything to deserve that.
[Rant/Rave] Guess who's back at it again yay
/u/ummjennyweregonnadie
Created: Fri May 18 12:37:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kfge0/guess_whos_back_at_it_again_yay/
---
I went for 2 freaking months without purging. I ruined it all two days ago. Why? Because i needed to feel clean.
I used to shower after almost every purge back when i did it regularly and it just gave me this super clean feeling from the outside and inside. Nothing in me, nothing on me.
Lately I've been feeling so gross and greasy and i just wanted to feel clean again so i purged and took a shower and i felt sooooo much better. Like for the first time in months i felt nice.
Today i didn't want to leave the house before throwing up. I didn't even eat too much, it was a regular breakfast, but i just felt like i couldn't leave with a full tummy.
I am so scared that I'll start doing it regularly again. I'm not even fooling myself that this is a one time thing. I KNOW I want to keep doing this until my exams are over. And the rational part of my brain is screaming at me that I shouldn't, but the ED part is currently pretty comfortable in the driver's seat of my brain.
I'm doing a sarcastic mental slow clap to myself.
Pretty Ugly
/u/life-as-a-loon
Created: Fri May 18 12:19:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kfbiy/pretty_ugly/
---
https://imgur.com/ixDtEtf
I’m a park ranger and it’s triggering AF
/u/bunnyalert
Created: Fri May 18 11:19:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8keuvl/im_a_park_ranger_and_its_triggering_af/
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It’s amazing.
I’m in the US, and our national parks don’t allow food to be sold on premises. So if I don’t bring lunch, there’s no way I can be tempted to buy anything (that’s something I struggle with).
I’m outside alone frequently enough that I can just tell people I already ate.
My uniform is incredibly ugly— like, I’m disgusted with my body at all times but especially in this dorky ranger outfit. Every time I catch a glimpse of myself, it’s fasting motivation x 10000.
And most importantly, I’m out in nature and working with people and it’s beautiful here. I have a million things to think about besides food.
I love it.
[Help] How do I stop myself from snacking?
/u/thebonemage
Created: Fri May 18 11:04:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kequ5/how_do_i_stop_myself_from_snacking/
---
I buy foods so I have something to eat if I feel sick. But then I just binge the whole fucking box. It's driving me insane. Do I just stop buying myself food period? I don't know what to do at this point.
[Rant/Rave] Guess who just got reported!
/u/artbookstea
Created: Fri May 18 10:23:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8keg2n/guess_who_just_got_reported/
---
Spoiler: It was me!
Apparently a couple teachers have noticed that I don't eat on school trips, so they mentioned it to the councilors. I played it off well, they haven't said anything about contacting my parents. I think I'm in the clear.
It's odd, it feels like nobody sees, and now all of this feels much more real, and almost a valid issue. Too bad I'm not going to be honest.
[Discussion] Appetite Suppressing Lollipops
/u/rdy2change
Created: Fri May 18 10:08:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8keby5/appetite_suppressing_lollipops/
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Has anyone thought about getting some of those Flat Tummy Lollipops? I obviously saw the Kim K drama about her promoting them, but I'm more just curious about how effective the appetite suppressant would be.
The suppressing ingredient is something called "Satiereal". Does anyone know anything about this?
[Discussion] Thoughts on eating dates
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Fri May 18 09:37:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ke397/thoughts_on_eating_dates/
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A co worker just gave me a bag of dates because we were talking about the health content around them. What do you guys think though? Every meal is the same for me but I’ve been eating two meals a day instead of one and I feel like I’m gaining back weight. Specifically in the thighs.
My typical meal looks like:
Breakfast: black coffee/warm water
Lunch: baked/sautéed chicken breast, brown rice or quinoa, and a green steamed/roasted veggie.
Dinner: stove popped popcorn and water.
If I add one date to my dinner do you think that’ll have a huge impact? I really want to be slender for my birthday and I feel like I’m getting tubby and bloated all over again, so naturally I’m freaking out.
Thoughts of all kinds are greatly appreciated
My doctor just asked me if I'm starving myself after she noticed a "concerning rate" of weight loss
/u/RedditRanOutOfNamess
Created: Fri May 18 09:24:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kdzx1/my_doctor_just_asked_me_if_im_starving_myself/
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I kind of feel validated like my disorder is real for once, but I also don't want this. Leave me be and let me eat under 800 cals a day in peace.
[Rant/Rave] Half a poptart is making me want to die
/u/pudgybois
Created: Fri May 18 09:22:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kdzdd/half_a_poptart_is_making_me_want_to_die/
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My friend gave me a fucking poptart. I couldnt control myself, and I ate a half of one. Now, I cant think about anything but how fucking stupid I am for eating it. Ive already gained 5lbs from exam week by not watching my calories enough, and I lost 2lbs of that so far, but this stupid fucking half of a poptart is making me feel like Im going to gain it all back and I KNOW its stupid and irrational to think this. Regardless, I’m going to die just thinking about it inside my stomach. It’s 100 calories and its the only thing Ive eaten today but I feel like I’m a failure with no self control. The guilt and dread is killing me, and I cant think about anything else but this stupid fucking strawberry poptart.
[Discussion] I need a new obsession to replace food???
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Fri May 18 09:19:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kdykj/i_need_a_new_obsession_to_replace_food/
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I need a hobby or whatever to replace thinking about food. It has to be something that I can achieve milestones in \(like in weight loss there are goal weights; in a new language it could be something like learning 50 verbs or something\). All I can think of right now are: learning a new language, learning a new sport or dance, completing a game. Anyone have any other suggestions??
Welps, I am back I suppose.
/u/wishfulthinkings
Created: Fri May 18 09:19:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kdygq/welps_i_am_back_i_suppose/
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Been gone for a while but now I've gained enough to hate myself again so I am back. My trigger was having my last two pairs of black jeans started to rip and break and so I need new jeans but I am not at a low enough weight to buy the size I want. I want to fit into their size 28. I have fit into their size 29 at my lowest but realistically will only barely be able to fit into their size 31. So now it is a race to see how much I can lose with my existing pairs of black jeans before they give out completely and hope I lost enough to fit into those size 28s.
Side note, anybody know when Urban Outfitters usually has a sale on their BDG jeans?
Am I EC stacking effectively?
/u/semperxvivum
Created: Fri May 18 08:42:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kdohy/am_i_ec_stacking_effectively/
---
I ran out of aspirin a while ago and have been going without.
Generally, Monday through Friday, I'll take a Bronkaid with a mug of coffee at 6:30am, 10:30am, and 2:30pm. I'll fast this entire time and will generally eat somewhere below 800cal for dinner, including wine and dessert (don't want the girlfriend to get suspicious, so I need to seem to eat normally).
So I've basically fallen into OMAD for M-F, and on the weekends I just restrict throughout the whole day and generally end up below 1k.
Is this method of EC stacking even helping? I don't have the hunger pangs, so I suppose that in itself is a bonus, but if I'm doing something ineffective I'd like to tweak my technique.
[Discussion] DAE not want to recover because they just don't like eating anymore
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Fri May 18 08:32:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kdm0x/dae_not_want_to_recover_because_they_just_dont/
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I am at a stage where I eat enough to be somewhat passably healthy and I restrict sometimes, but I don't look dangerously sick or anything. I just have no desire to eat the amount a regular person would eat. I simply don't enjoy anything about eating anymore. Sure, some things taste good. I feel like eating has been ruined for me. Even if I can manage to eat 1\-2 meals per day sometimes and not binge I have no desire to eat foods that most consider good \(like chips or candy, burgers, whatever\) because the whole concept has been ruined for me.
[Discussion] How do you take vitamins while fasting?
/u/semperxvivum
Created: Fri May 18 08:30:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kdlj0/how_do_you_take_vitamins_while_fasting/
---
I've been restricting quite heavily lately, usually resulting in fasting all day and doing one small meal at night with my girlfriend. I've been getting results, but I've also been getting some pretty painful leg cramps. I'm assuming it's due to lack of certain nutrients, so I know I should be taking vitamins, but I also know you shouldn't take vitamins on an empty stomach. By the time the evening food rolls around, I generally forget to take them.
Should I just set an alarm or something to ensure I take them at that time?
Do I just take the vitamins on an empty stomach? Well, not empty really - plenty of Bronkaid and caffeine in there to keep it company.
Thoughts?
[Rant/Rave] My SO is triggering me without really meaning to
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Fri May 18 08:24:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kdk03/my_so_is_triggering_me_without_really_meaning_to/
---
He wants me to recover and be healthy/happy but he keeps saying things that trigger me without even realizing it. For example, he knows sometimes I'll b/p so when I'm eating sometimes he'll be like "don't go too crazy on that, you don't want to eat too much and purge." Obviously he means well but whenever he says things like that I'll immediately want to throw out the rest and go purge. Also I have a bit of a problem with exercising too much considering the amount of energy I'm taking in from food and he'll say things like "i don't think you exercise too much" and congratulate me when I've complete a really long distance run. Also he'll feel my boney parts and be like "wow you're so petite and fragile, I just feel the need to protect you" or some shit. Honestly I love when he talks about my body that way but its so. fucking. triggering. Makes me want to see how far I can push it before he starts really worrying.
[Rant/Rave] I don’t care anymore
/u/rapidash14
Created: Fri May 18 08:09:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kdg7c/i_dont_care_anymore/
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I don’t care anymore. TodAy the last drop of my self respect has vanished. I don’t care if I starve myself until I die. I don’t care if I spent ten hours walking at the gym unt my feet ache and knees feel like breaking. I don’t care if people at work worry about me because that’s what they get for making me feel bad about myself. I don’t car e if I die from this because I hate my fucking life anyway. I don’t care about social norms about eating anymore because I have no fucking friends left who want me for me instead of my looks. I don’t care if people are concerned about me because that’s what they get. That’s what they get.
After having eaten 250kcals over my daily limit this is how I keep myself on track
/u/frankesteinsmonster
Created: Fri May 18 07:50:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kdbf1/after_having_eaten_250kcals_over_my_daily_limit/
---
https://i.redd.it/fge1dlzzcmy01.jpg
How do you purge bread
/u/rocketEarthWindfire
Created: Fri May 18 06:32:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kcswx/how_do_you_purge_bread/
---
I can't seem to be able to purge bread. I've binged on bread before but I would use other compensatory behaviors like restrict for waay to long. I just want to purge. Help!
[Rant/Rave] Mom upset by wieght loss
/u/sucrederable
Created: Fri May 18 06:22:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kcqr1/mom_upset_by_wieght_loss/
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This morning my mom asks me how much wieght I plan on losing. I tell her I don't know.
My wieght loss is pretty apparent and I am quite happy. But then her mood totally changed and she seemed very upset with me. She said I looked crazy. It made me feel really horrible.
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! May 18, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 18 06:13:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kcoqx/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_may_18/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for May 18, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 18, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 18 06:13:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kcopy/daily_food_diary_may_18_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 18, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] The scale
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Fri May 18 06:07:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kcnhs/the_scale/
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I get to weigh myself today. I'm horrified because I'm sure there's no way I've lost any weight yet since relapse but I know it's still going to crush me. Aaaaaa why am I like this?
exhausted allllll the time
/u/acosed
Created: Fri May 18 05:22:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kcesx/exhausted_allllll_the_time/
---
im so exhausted all the fucking time. i cant concentrate on anything. i get a solid 7 hours sleep and i often nap. nothing changes when i sleep more or less. please help
When in recovery do the food thoughts go away?
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Fri May 18 05:14:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kcd9s/when_in_recovery_do_the_food_thoughts_go_away/
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Hey all. After moving in with my sister to let go complete control over my eating, i have been eating like a maniac. I don't know how much i have gained but probably 10 lbs in 3 weeks or so. But I'm still plagued by thoughts / flashbacks on food related stuff. I still even dream about it. Will this ever go away? Like i don't mind that I'm getting somewhat heavier, i was never underweight anyway but still. I hoped that being kind of aggressive with my refeeding would help remove these food thoughts but it's quit the opposite. I'm also 4 weeks in using an SSRI which i think is promoting this insane hunger i have. Let me know what you think
I'm not eating enough
/u/throoowawai10
Created: Fri May 18 05:09:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kccaw/im_not_eating_enough/
---
Well, duh. But really, it's getting bad. I don't know if it's just because I've been dieting for so long or that I've been on so many drugs recently or what, but I'm eating AT MOST 800 calories a day. If I had to guess, I'd say I usually eat about 400-700. I don't track my calories anymore, I just don't eat. Basically all of my calories comes from snacks and coffee, which I always put a lot of cream in. That's about all I eat in a day, I don't make meals a daily thing anymore. I had dinner last night but I get full so fast now that I can't eat any more than, like, a small bowl of chinese takeout (which was all I ate yesterday besides half of an egg and cheese croissant, 2 xlrg coffees, and about 1/4 of some sugary bullshit juice drink).
Now the only reason I'm worried is because when I read through here |||BREAK! I want to put a warning here, I'm seriously not trying to downplay your guy's struggles or anything, I'm just using this example as a telling of the deep shit I'm laying in.||| I see people say things like "I've been eating 800 cals a day, and I know that's really dangerous and unhealthy but thin life tho." And that just makes me go like "Well shit 800 cals is a lot for me, am I just gonna drop dead any second?" I'm not even super thin tho, last time I was weighed I was 121.3 lbs, but that was a few months ago and at that point I was eating probably 800-1000 cals a day. Which means I've definitely lost weight, I can see that I have too, so I'd guess because of the visual difference I'm like 119? 118? I have no clue. (I know this whole post is just me rambling sorry lol, I can't sleep.)
But my point with saying that is, I have like fat reserves in my body which will keep me from actually starving to death, I think? I'm not a scientist, and I don't even know if I have an eating disorder at this point I just am not fucking hungry ever, at least not until I get really stoned or it's the end of the day and I haven't even had coffee or a snack or anything besides water. Well scratch that, I definitely have an eating disorder of some kind. When I feel full I look in the mirror and I'm like, "shit I could be pregnant with how big my stomach just got," being overly obsessed w/ my appearance and how I'm perceived (visually), blah blah blah. ANYWAYS,
The fuck do I do? Am I even in a dangerous situation or am I overreacting a bit? I don't know A N Y T H I N G!
[Rant/Rave] Pickles are officially off limits in my household.
/u/clemintide
Created: Fri May 18 04:34:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kc64o/pickles_are_officially_off_limits_in_my_household/
---
I can’t help that that’s what I gravitate towards during the nights I wake up STARVING. Nicknamed “pig” by my mom since I can’t ever seem to eat just a few. “Pickles are not meals!” She shouted at me, ummm pickles are a whole ass meal when your stomach is empty to begin with. Just a few are not as filling as 6 or 8! But I swear it wasn’t the whole jar, Mom!
i cant tell the difference between binge thoughts and 'normal' thoughts
/u/sleepyboyblue
Created: Fri May 18 04:23:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kc43z/i_cant_tell_the_difference_between_binge_thoughts/
---
i can never tell anymore if me trying to convince myself to eat is my non ed brain actually wanting to be healthy and recover, or if its just me trying to trick myself into bingeing and im so paranoid and scared of food now aaaa
[Discussion] Did anyone get the Eat Glitter guide that was posted here yesterday?
/u/lemonlime836
Created: Fri May 18 04:10:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kc1wt/did_anyone_get_the_eat_glitter_guide_that_was/
---
Hey!! Yesterday someone asked for our emails so they could send the Eat Glitter guide. I never received it, and now I’m feeling really anxious because the person deleted their account and the post.
Anyone else??
[Discussion] dissociation + binging?
/u/lightningmcqueef69
Created: Fri May 18 02:49:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kbp08/dissociation_binging/
---
(new account, I got paranoid about my old one so I deleted all connection to proED on my original and started fresh)
I've noticed I tend to binge (like 4000+cal) on days when I am heavily dissociated, especially with derealization in particular. It's like, I'm so intensely detached from everything outside myself that my body is just screaming at me to eat and I can't shut it up- but I also can't make myself stop eating once I start. I was doing really great these past couple of weeks at keeping under my daily limit but today I woke up entirely dissociated and all I thought about was food a l l d a y. I ate constantly and I feel like shit, and I'm honestly terrified to step on the scale. Does anyone else experience this or something similar?
[Rant/Rave] Can't fit into one of my favourite dresses anymore
/u/TurnTechAstraeus
Created: Fri May 18 02:34:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kbmyf/cant_fit_into_one_of_my_favourite_dresses_anymore/
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The dress is a scalloped neckline size 10 and I couldn't even get the fucking zip up half way before it began to feel too tight. I've been eating like shit because it's exam season and every damn time I say I'm not hungry my girlfriend gives me a look that screams 'you're going to eat' and I feel bad so I eat. She's not doing it maliciously, I brought it up with a councillor I saw for exam related breakdowns and he echoed that sentiment that she's doing it because she cares. Between not wanting to eat, feeling guilty for eating, my girlfriend worrying, exam stress and relapsing into self harm all I want to do is shrink. I wanna be told I'm pretty and beautiful but I think I'm too fat for that.
[Rant/Rave] guy tells me he likes me but he’s not interested in a relationship...
/u/stephxxi
Created: Fri May 18 01:48:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kbg8h/guy_tells_me_he_likes_me_but_hes_not_interested/
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then gets in a relationship anyway. and the girl is so tiny and skinny. meanwhile i’m a disgusting fat lard. i hate this so much. i feel like a moron. the only good thing about this crippling sadness is that it at least takes away my appetite. i don’t want to eat for the next month. then maybe someone will actually like me.
i’m sorry if this type of post doesn’t belong here. i just wanted to vent seeing as it’s almost 4 in the morning and I literally have no one.
Broke an arm
/u/kaopope
Created: Fri May 18 00:48:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kb6ix/broke_an_arm/
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Can’t purge
Zero Calorie Drinks?
/u/MeowMixIsSatan
Created: Fri May 18 00:42:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kb5gn/zero_calorie_drinks/
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i’m new here and was just wondering if those zero calorie flavoured waters are any good for restricting? usually i’ll just drink a bunch of water or coffee, but sometimes i want something else. i know they say zero calories, sugar, etc. but i figured i’d just ask
Finals season is over!
/u/Strawberry2point0
Created: Fri May 18 00:05:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kazbk/finals_season_is_over/
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Aaaaand I gained 8 pounds from stress eating and spending 2 weeks cosplaying a sedentary desk blob.
thisisfine.jpg
Hey guys, first time poster, long time creeper
/u/Alchladaltrbys
Created: Thu May 17 23:49:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kawj8/hey_guys_first_time_poster_long_time_creeper/
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I’m looking for any and all tips on how to NOT binge and maybe how to hold off the hunger. In the past ~8 months I’ve put on about 20-25lbs. I feel like a fucking whale. (I’m 5’2 and 135lb, this is the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life.)
I feel like I have zero self control over any sort of junk food, like I literally cannot stop if I open a bag of chips or candy. Even if we don’t have anything in the house I make it! Yesterday was god damn snickerdoodle cookies. It makes me feel absolutely disgusting afterwards, bloated and just gross. I punish myself by holding off eating but most of the time the hunger wins. I can’t purge either because my husband is usually home (95% of the time snaccidents happen).
Any advice?! I can normally stagger meals, eating small 100 calorie meals or a protein shake and call that lunch.
I’m thinking of trying to keep a food journal hoping it’ll help physically seeing the calorie intake. Please ladies, any tips or tricks, advice... anything will help!
I don’t have any lady friends to talk about this with. :(
non ED related hobbies?
/u/gogobingegadget
Created: Thu May 17 23:34:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kau1n/non_ed_related_hobbies/
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I feel like my mental illness has robbed me of a personality, in some way. Whenever I meet people they ask me what I like to do in my free time, or what hobbies I enjoy. If I answered honestly, I would say "I obsess about food, google symptoms, and refresh online message boards about weight loss all day."
This really bums me out because, personally, the people who I really love interacting with are all really passionate about their hobbies. The more niche, the better. Its a really attractive and endearing quality to me, and I hate that I cant share my 'interests' with people because they arent really interests at all. I just waste all of my free time.
So my question is, what are some unique interests of yours, and how do you keep busy outside of eating disorder related activities?
[Rant/Rave] the depression won again. [rant]
/u/mynormalheart
Created: Thu May 17 23:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kany3/the_depression_won_again_rant/
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Been eating mac and cheese pretty much everyday for the last few weeks. Some sort of sweet binge every night when I should just be going to bed.
Gained back 10lbs of the 20 I worked and restricted and suffered so hard to lose. Barely fitting into my shorts again and it’s getting hot as crap here. Looking like a beached whale stuffed into a sausage casing.
*sigh*. I hate this.
[Discussion] DAE hate going shopping with their skinnier friends?
/u/saptashati
Created: Thu May 17 22:56:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kanb5/dae_hate_going_shopping_with_their_skinnier/
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Today I went shopping with my coworker before her birthday and not only is she blonde and every guy is obsessed with her, she's also so skinny. And like she went on and on about how she couldn't believe she was in a size 6 because that was so large and I was thinking about how I'm an 8 on a good day. Then we were trying on crop tops and she had a completely flat stomach and I just looked at my disgusting flabby body and huge arms. Anyway, I'm going to a party with a bunch of hot skinny girls tomorrow and Im sure I'll be their gross ugly fat friend.
Rapidly losing hope that I have the potential to have a body I like
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal
Created: Thu May 17 22:53:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kamt8/rapidly_losing_hope_that_i_have_the_potential_to/
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Wide ribs/short torso/short legs/broad shoulders/ugly breasts
Why am I even bothering to lose weight
worried I'm losing too fast
/u/sugarsugarsalt
Created: Thu May 17 22:52:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kamly/worried_im_losing_too_fast/
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So after years of struggling I've finally gotten a rhythm that really works for me, in the first week I lost 2.5kg/5.5lbs which I consider standard bc of water weight and all, but my second week hasn't even neared a close yet and I've already lost another 2.5, whereas usually it'd slow down to 1kg (2lbs) by then.
I'm worried I'm losing too fast bc I have quite a lot more to lose still, and I don't want my skin to suffer because of it...
but if I'm being honest I also don't want to ruin my steam, I don't find myself tempted to binge or all that hungry (largely due to this sub and the book brain over binge, definitely recommend it!). I'm worried if up my intake (I don't go by calories bc that can cause me to spiral) that I'll get off track again....
I don't know, any thoughts? or advice for people who came from higherish weights? I feel like the rapid rate is in part due to my higher starting point, and will naturally slow down the lower I get.
[Help] Meditating to help during fasts?
/u/dogdaysarerover
Created: Thu May 17 22:44:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kalbb/meditating_to_help_during_fasts/
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I’ve had a horrible week, emotionally, so naturally I also ate horribly too this week. I’m trying so hard to find positive things to do when I’m having a gloomy day that dont involve binging. Do any of you meditate? And if so do you think it helps you at all? How do you do it?
Wishing restriction was a trait to put on resume.
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Thu May 17 22:26:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kai1l/wishing_restriction_was_a_trait_to_put_on_resume/
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Cause at this point, I feel like it is all I have[I've even been shitty about IF this week :( ]. I don't enjoy late nights out anymore with "friends" (not sure if it is the anxiety of certain people or the calories from drinking) but staying home with enough energy to just feel restless & useless is tiring.....I miss last year but not the weight. This is worth it right?
Spiraling....
/u/artful_heart
Created: Thu May 17 22:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kaet9/spiraling/
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It's been a wild (read: depressing) ride lately. Since finding out that my fiance can't knock me up, I've relapsed so weirdly.
I mean, I was only "recovered" for, like, a short while, but I was only doing it for the sake of my (ironically fine) fertility.
Since then, I've been bouncing from a few days of extreme restriction - like 100-200 calories/day - to binging on 2000-3000 calories in a night to b/p-ing once in a while when I can't stand the feeling of food in me to dipping my toes in the *so much fun* world of almost-laxative-abuse (because I haven't had a proper poop in, like, weeks).
I know that these things are unhealthy and dangerous. Thank you for your concern.
I haven't purged in *years*, fam. *YEARS*.
I'm usually a night owl, but I've been crashing between 11p - 3am, which is early for me. I'm sleeping until 6pm on my days off. I'm so depressed that I took my first shower in a week yesterday. Shagged the fiance afterwards out of guilt because my already-non-existent sex-drive hasn't shown it's face in a month and I hate my body and I hate everything and I feel terrible and UGH.
I'm neglecting the shop I own - doing the bare minimum. I even had fiance go in instead of me twice last week because "I [felt] so terrible" (read: I couldn't find the energy to care and couldn't handle the anxiety of doing things and the crushing depression).
Add to that the co-owner of the shop being an absolutely horrible person (despite the fact that she never does anything, doesn't even go in to the shop, while I've tripled our customer base and have us actually turning a profit and have been, until recently, putting in something like 65-80 hours/week for about $2 or less per hour) *AND* spending almost $1000 of the shop's money - which we needed for rent and utilities for the shop - on a spending spree and expensive restaurants in another city while taking her daughter to daughter's-old-friend's prom, so now we're short on funds and I can't make any of the product orders that I need to and customers are unhappy that I'm out of stock of their favorite stuff.
My next book was supposed to be released in JANUARY but I haven't had time to finish the cover art and people are messaging me asking where the hell it is (I mean, yay? they like my work?) and all I have to do is paint a godsdamned oil painting and scan it and change some text but I haven't had time and now I just... can't.
I just want to grab fiance - the only light in my life right now - and run away.
TL;DR: I need a hug and some meditation and some inspiration to keep going, because I'm spiraling downwards hard and fast. Please don't tell me that I'm hurting myself; I know that. I need some positive vibes.
[Rant/Rave] some people
/u/kennedyconnolly8
Created: Thu May 17 22:01:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kad5b/some_people/
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i’m in an intensive family based treatment right now and we get put into new “families” for therapy so you aren’t with your own family. one mother in my group kept asking what my weight was when i relapsed and what it got down to. first of all, WHAT. you can’t ask someone IN TREATMENT about their weight! this is prob why her kid has an ED tbh. then she told me that i probably relapsed because i wasn’t actually weight restored... she said i needed to keep gaining until the thoughts stopped. i was just stunned. that’s not how eating disorders work. like what do you even say to that type of stupidity? i had a bmi of 19-19.5 at that time... for an elite runner, that’s pretty gosh darn healthy! the cruelest thing about this is that she made her daughter overweight during weight restoration. she gained all the weight back and an extra 20lbs. and her daughter is an athlete (not a runner, so doesn’t need to be AS thin, but still). she then told me i could still run and be 150 pounds. to which i said, running is not the same as your daughter’s sport. you fucking idiot. okay not that part. but i wanted to say it. this lady has been all over everyone’s kids this week and i’m sick of her. she tried to make someone elses kid eat gluten (a fear food) without the real parent’s approval! BACK THE FUCK UP LINDA. (not her actual name)i told the director of the program and she was really shocked and said she would speak to her.
okay thanks i needed to get that off my chest. as someone who is actively trying to get better it is people like this who really make me question why bother.
[Discussion] Does anyone else throw away their food before they eat it?
/u/juswonderingg
Created: Thu May 17 21:57:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8kac79/does_anyone_else_throw_away_their_food_before/
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Today I got some panda express and I was thinking about how I already had like 700 cals today and how it would probably make me bloated so I just threw it in the trash the second I got home. And yesterday I got a pizza slice and threw it on the floor so my dogs could eat it so I dont haha. But Im so hungry because I havent had a lot of caffeine today and Im scared that Im going to accidentally binge tomorrow.
Terrible mood swings while on EC stacks?
/u/glossboy
Created: Thu May 17 21:45:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ka9zh/terrible_mood_swings_while_on_ec_stacks/
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EC stacks are great they really are. But there's one thing... the terrible mood swings I get from them. Cutting the caffeine in half helped my heart not feel like it's running a thousand miles per second but I'm still getting these terrible mood swings from it where I start off extremely happy about everything, like weirdly happy for no reason for maybe 30 minutes to an hour and then for the next 3\-4 hours it feels like I'm going through a suicidal episode of depression. Like my depression is never to a point where I literally want to off myself... but this.. this does the trick and it's scary so I stopped taking it for now.
Is it maybe the bronkaid? I don't want to reduce the caffeine even more... I feel like the effect will barely be there then. Or is this a symptom that happens no matter what when you're on a stack?
I take 100 mg of caffeine \(vivarin\) and \`1 bronkaid tablet.
New here
/u/tinywhipswitch
Created: Thu May 17 21:19:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ka4ql/new_here/
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It's been a while since I've done the forum thing. I was on LJ back in the day, as I see some of you were too.
My ED was really bad about 8 years ago. I was binging and purging over 3 times a day. I was also at my highest weight back then. I attempted suicide and landed in the hospital. On the advice of other patients, I didn't purge at all, for fear of lengthening my stay. I dropped over 5 lbs that week.
Since then I've been through a bucket of anti depressants. A lot of them have decreased my apprtite, including the ones I'm on now. For a long time I was "eating healthy" whatever that means. I didn't own a scale.
But slowly, over the course of the last year or so, I've watched about 10 lbs drop from the scale at my psychiatrists office. Not fast enough for them to notice or care, but what they don't realize is that my clothes weigh a lot.
I recently moved into a place with a scale, and learned that was down to 115lbs, from 125 last year, and 140 8 years ago. I've lost another 5 in about 2 months. I'm 2 lbs away from what was, for so long, my ultimate goal weight, as it was the benchmark for an underweight bmi.
Being this close has brought my awareness back to my ED, as strong as ever....so, I'm here. Hiya.
Please convince me that it is possible to look good while underweight!!
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Thu May 17 21:18:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ka4i3/please_convince_me_that_it_is_possible_to_look/
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I was talking to my mom and I showed pictures of random celebrities and there was one that was one that was very clearly underweight and my mom hated it and said it looked disgusting, like Auschwitz pictures \(she always very rude so please don't blame me for what she said\). Ever since she said that I can't get it out of my head. I've always wanted to be underweight, in the higher range, 18 BMI maybe and now I don't know what to think. Please convince me that I can still look good if I reach my goal. Honestly I will still reach it no matter what but if I think that I look disgusting then I'll hate myself and I don't know what to think. Or, I might reach my goal and think that I will look pretty but be super self conscious that everyone else is thinking that I look like an auschwitz person. Please help me get this out of my head.
[Rant/Rave] "Ill do better tomorrow"
/u/heyheypicklejay
Created: Thu May 17 21:06:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ka239/ill_do_better_tomorrow/
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I'm 1 week into summer vacation, and everyday has been a binge day. I've been telling myself "Ill try again tomorrow" or "Ill fast/restrict tomorrow" or "Ill count every calorie tomorrow" or "Ill do better tomorrow" everyday for the past week. Tomorrow, I swear. Tomorrow, I PROMISE. Tomorrow will be different, this time will be different!!
I know that the best thing to do after a binge is just to stay calm and remember that there's always tomorrow, but now Im just lying to myself. Tomorrow wont be any different, and Ill find myself binging again. Why cant I find the self control to change?!
[Discussion] DAE actually hope that restricting will lead to infertility?
/u/ELESH_NORN_DAMNIT
Created: Thu May 17 20:41:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k9wuv/dae_actually_hope_that_restricting_will_lead_to/
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I've always hated kids--seriously, everything about them. The dumb shit they say, the weird noises they make (yipping, shrieking, whimpering), their disgusting sticky hands, the prospect of touching human feces on a day-to-day basis. Not to mention the time, sleep, and career development they cost. Even if it weren't for disordered eating I would absolutely never want one. I remember restricting and getting to the point where I lost my period and it was glorious--one less thing to think about and deal with. I hope so hard that I will just become completely infertile and never have a period ever again when I get to my goal weight.
[Other] dae feel unworthy of eating “cute” foods?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Thu May 17 20:37:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k9vyj/dae_feel_unworthy_of_eating_cute_foods/
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like, I love the look and vibe of carrying around bubble tea, cute pastries, and starbucks frappes, etc. but I haven’t bought any of these in so long because I don’t match the aesthetic and it would make me feel bad about myself. I used to love small iced coffees but I don’t even buy those anymore because I feel not cute enough to be holding one
if I don't count my calories daily, I just eat whatever the fuck and spend so much money. how did this happen
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Thu May 17 20:12:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k9qth/if_i_dont_count_my_calories_daily_i_just_eat/
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I didn't count my calories today. even when I binge, I count my calories and in the back of my mind sort of stick to a limit. today I just ate whatever I wanted throughout the day until I was full and the total came out to 6,500 calories and $40 dollars spent. what's sad is this would just be a normal day of eating
[Rant/Rave] Do you ever wonder about the people who never had any issues with food an body image...
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Thu May 17 19:48:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k9loo/do_you_ever_wonder_about_the_people_who_never_had/
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And how lucky they are? I will never know that feeling. I’ll die before I ever feel comfortable in my own fat body. I reached a goal weight and I’m still nasty as fuck. I can’t believe I’m forever going to be held back because I never feel pretty or thin. Is there a fucking way out?
[Other] Brief update on DV situation, OT
/u/qncg
Created: Thu May 17 19:33:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k9ijj/brief_update_on_dv_situation_ot/
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I just wanted to give an update I guess I haven't done that in awhile.
My husband moved out and is seeking treatment. My landlord is filing for eviction. I was approved for emergency food assistance. I was diagnosed with lupus. My sister says that it probably isn't lupus, and that my eating habits contributed to those test results (she is a doctor) and I just got a job at a gym as an office manager and social media specialist. I won't get paid till June 15th.
I'm trying. I'm not being physically hurt currently. I'm in therapy and participating as much as I can. My daughter (age 2) has started compulsively chewing food and spitting it into water bottles, and then becoming attached to said water bottles.
I'm trying, y'all.
https://youtu.be/Vinqph-g5QI
/u/Gordonsan
Created: Thu May 17 19:26:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k9gzn/httpsyoutubevinqphg5qi/
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We're in uncharted territory.
[Rant/Rave] Apparently there's more than one way to hate your body
/u/qncg
Created: Thu May 17 19:23:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k9gae/apparently_theres_more_than_one_way_to_hate_your/
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I started a new job at a gym as an office manager and social media specialist. They trained me on body fat measurements and doing "weigh ins" for challenge members today. I weigh less than half what the next closest employee weighs. Usually this would fucking tickle me to death. But for some reason I'm preoccupied with being scrawny and useless and shrimpy. The trainers fucking dwarf me, I look like a homunculus next to these ripped specimens.
I've literally never experienced self loathing due to being TOO skinny. What is wrong with me.
Maybe?
/u/purplepen47
Created: Thu May 17 18:54:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k9a21/maybe/
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So, I’ve never intentionally restricted, but reading everyone’s posts, it’s occurred to me that I’ve been unintentionally restricting (first time poster). I’m 5’3 and 105 lbs, never had a problem with being overweight. Highest weight has been 120lbs, in collage, way long time ago (37F). Drink coffee til 2pm and maybe eat something by 4pm. I know how important a healthy diet is but don’t make the time. On average, my caloric intake is probably 800 calories per day or far less. Once or twice a week I totally pig out on super healthy foods, and it feels absolutely marvelous. This may not be the right sub, but my quandary is how to increase my appetite...I absolutely know I need to eat more, I know what foods to eat, but I can’t seem to eat them. When I look in the mirror, I’m a bit scared at what I see, just shy of seeing bones. I’ve worked really hard to gain muscle, but I feel I am at a stand still since I can’t get my appetite to mesh...oh fuck...
Got a compliment!
/u/ekwater
Created: Thu May 17 18:16:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k91lo/got_a_compliment/
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I was testing my max bench press today and got 108 \(up from 102... yay strength gains?\)
My spotter asked me if I was benching near my body weight.
I definitely don't look like I weigh 110 but that makes me feel good that she thought that I did!
excuse me while I enjoy this good feeling; probably won't last long lol
[Rant/Rave] Can’t be happy either way
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Thu May 17 18:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k91kn/cant_be_happy_either_way/
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What the fuck.
I should be happy. I am a healthy weight but on the low end of normal. I lost an kb after two months of eating whatever I wanted. I fasted for 90 hours and then ate really good last night (not healthy lol good food). But I feel like I still have to fast. I am bloated and feel disgusting and two days of eating in a row will make me feel grosser. Now I feel obligated to lose 5 lbs and get to 100- why idk??
I want to go to the fucking gym bc I can’t when I’m fasting so I always go the day after I’ve eaten but I have not been able to get out of fucking bed all day. I just can’t do it.
I know I am going to want to eat tonight but I can’t go to the gym tomorrow either so I’ll hate myself if I eat tonight. But I’ll also be grouchy if I don’t eat.
My mental health was doing fucking great and I don’t know what happened but I am back to being a depressed piece of shit.
[Rant/Rave] I ate a meal today
/u/pinpeach
Created: Thu May 17 18:13:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k90s4/i_ate_a_meal_today/
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i just ate my first actual meal in months and even though i meticulously measured out the calories which added up to 400 and i feel disgusting. Im so scared that it was actually like 1000 calories even though i know for a fact that it wasn’t. I actually feel full and it is making me extremely anxious and i just regret eating so much. It was the only thing i ate today and the only thing i plan on having but i just feel so disappointed in myself. I’ve been trying lately to eat more but it’s just so fucking hard and i want to die literally every time i eat something. it’s so hard because on one hand i want to be proud of myself for eating it even though it’s hard but i can’t. i feel like i let myself down even though i logically didn’t. i’m not ready to recover but i at least want to be able to eat sometimes without the guilt eating me alive. I’m also really scared because i’m graduating high school on saturday and my whole entire family who loves to harass me for my diet habits and weight is coming and i have to eat out with them. i’m like almost panicking cause they will be staying at my house which means i won’t have any privacy either and i just feel so stressed about it. I can’t even enjoy my own god damn graduation because of food and i’m just sick of it but at the same time i never want to change because the idea of gaining weight is so scary that i don’t know if i can take it. trying to eat is so much more painful than any of the physical symptoms of this disorder and i would rather be constantly cold covered in bruises with unhealthy hair and all my bones sticking out feeling dizzy all day at work than fucking gain a single pound. i just wish there was a way out of this without having to stop restricting.
I can't stop losing weight
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Thu May 17 17:59:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k8xss/i_cant_stop_losing_weight/
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People have been asking me since Christmas,
"you're done losing weight now right?"
No. I was 116 pounds at Christmas and knew I wanted to get down to 105. Then I wanted 100. Now I'm just eating and eating and eating, hitting between 800-1000 calories a day (and feeling disgusted by that, I want to eat way less but I don't want to die...)
Every day I get on the scale, I'm a little bit less. Today it said 94.9. And being on the bottom half of the 90's is scaring the crap out of me. Because I love it - but every single person, even moms at the school I work at, people who barely know me, are telling me to stop losing weight. and I keep getting defensive and saying I've been maintaining for months but it isn't true. I can't up my calories to my TDEE - I tried for a couple days once and gained 5lbs and now I'm terrified. I can't just go home for the long weekend this weekend and not care about calories. I can't go to a BBQ and eat and get drunk with my friends because of the calories even though I could gain 6lbs and STILL be underweight. Wth is wrong with me? When does it end? I wonder if I need to get help, but I don't really think I have a huge problem. Maybe when I hit the 80's? I don't know. I really don't
[Rant/Rave] Can't find clothes (rant)
/u/xxxanon1117
Created: Thu May 17 17:36:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k8sjz/cant_find_clothes_rant/
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I hate myself for ranting about this, it feels privileged as heck or something, but it is really bothering me. I went to a clothing store today to attempt to buy clothes because I have one pair of jeans and approximately 2 tee shirts that fit me, but the smallest sizes in the store's "young men's" section could have fit two of me. I am FTM trans and having baggy clothes doubles my body dysphoria and makes me feel like a huge amorphous blob. I am so tired of not having clothing options (or at least not knowing of stylish ones?) that I just want to gain 20lbs back so I'll fit in a small again. I know how this sounds, I'm complaining about being /too small/, but I don't want to look like this. I look sick. But I'm so obsessed with the number. My response to my unsuccessful shopping trip: to take a diet pill. Don't you love the ED brain?
[Rant/Rave] 🙃 Just ED things 🙃
/u/a_horse_says_weigh
Created: Thu May 17 17:09:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k8mfc/just_ed_things/
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Today I was prescribed a medicine (not telling what med). Apparently you can’t even have a SINGLE DROP of alcohol (as in etOH) or it will make you V I O L E N T L Y ill, like the pharmacist said she’s heard the vomiting is reaaaaallllly bad.
Sooo guess where my ED mind immediately went 🙃 🍸
But in all seriousness, follow your medication instructions. Be safe out there loves ❤️
[Discussion] Does anyone else not give a flying hoot that a lot of their weight loss is just muscle atrophy?
/u/idkwhaat
Created: Thu May 17 16:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k881p/does_anyone_else_not_give_a_flying_hoot_that_a/
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I’m sure I should care but I don’t at all. I just want to look small!
[Rant/Rave] Short Rant About my Life in the Last Week
/u/bpdix
Created: Thu May 17 15:57:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k84nc/short_rant_about_my_life_in_the_last_week/
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1.) i ate between 900 and 950 calories for 2 days in a row then ive been at social events for today and yesterday so ive eaten to my TDEE :’) (really fun right?) and ive gained like 2+ lbs and idk if its bloat from my monthly cycle or what but its really really frustrating
2.) does anyone else feel like small things cause the scale to go up? ive been trying to dye my hair for 2 days now so i havent been washing my hair (dirty hair is better for bleaching/dying) and i felt like the grease and oils from my hair was weighing enough to be significant and i was like B(( i have to shower to lighten my weight, maybe it weighs something tho bc i weighed myself again with wet hair and was the same? am i dumb?
feeling physically sick during fasting?
/u/arabella_05
Created: Thu May 17 15:34:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k7yq8/feeling_physically_sick_during_fasting/
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so I started fasting 2 days ago (but I'm drinking coffee) and I'm taking multivitamins and electrolytes so I'm feeling fine but after leaving the shower today I drank some water and I just started to dry heave, I ran to my bin but nothing came out (tmi sorry lol)... does anyone else get this/what does it mean?
"If I can't be happy, I can at least be thin"
/u/skinnypod
Created: Thu May 17 15:25:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k7wav/if_i_cant_be_happy_i_can_at_least_be_thin/
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I had a pretty good streak, recovery wise, since about February really. Deleted MFP, gained a little but did a lot of gym so I'm telling myself it's muscle etc.
But as of the last two weeks, by boyfriend of 5+ months has ghosted me. That is his problem tbh and incredibly rude but I can't stop thinking "it's cause you got fat".
That little nagging thought in the back of my mind has now been going on and on for the last few days "if you can't get a good relationship, at least be thin, if you can't get a good job, at least be thin, if you can't be happy, at least be thin".
I hate it but also, it is the familiar. The known evil as it were. Heart ache and hunger are so painful but at least I can control the hunger.
[Discussion] Is anyone else scared of absorbing calories through scent or touch?
/u/magsramen
Created: Thu May 17 15:19:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k7usi/is_anyone_else_scared_of_absorbing_calories/
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i sound crazy but sometimes i'll get scared if i breathe in my moms dinner or something with high calories i'll gain weight. same with touching it, i love baking for people but i'm always scared i'll absorb calories through touching the food. or maybe it is possible?
[Rant/Rave] I was one pound away from being underweight
/u/madeinny88
Created: Thu May 17 15:04:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k7qoo/i_was_one_pound_away_from_being_underweight/
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And then my husband told me that I look disgustingly, unhealthily thin and basically I should be embarrassed to be seen in public because I'm so "abnormally thin".
I get it, I live in a Midwestern USA town and everyone here is fucking obese and so that's just what's normal here. But I thought I was doing okay... I mean I didn't even get to be officially underweight yet, and my husband has seen me at fucking 108 lbs which actually was extremely underweight and unhealthy for my height. Now I don't even get under 120 and everyone wants to throw a goddamn fit.
Then my mother on the phone today tells me I look extremely thin and not in a good way. I have a daughter who is almost 7 and I want to set a positive example for her so I guess I'm going to actively try to get back to 125 because at that weight no one made concerned comments. What the actual fuck though, why can't they just leave me the fuck alone?
I got off amphetamines/ ephedrine and wanted to prove to myself that I didn't need the uppers to restrict. I wanted to prove to myself that I could lose weight without uppers if I wanted. And I did. And now I don't want to stop now that I have finally harnessed this power but I'm being forced to... either that or continue to get fucking bitched at right?
I used to be a 5-10 times a day binge/purged. I was so deep into bulimia and I stopped that. It's been almost 8 years since I was actively bulimic. I decided I wanted to stop binge eating and have a more healthy relationship with food and I'm getting bitched at even though I feel like my relationship with food is better than it has been in a long time.
Thanks to anyone who read this.
The only compliments that mean anything to me come from girls.
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Thu May 17 14:24:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k7fsr/the_only_compliments_that_mean_anything_to_me/
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If my friends tell me I look hot it's like my confidence goes from 0-100 in less than a second. If some drunk girl tells me I'm beautiful I could die peacefully on the spot. I'm so lucky to know so many amazing girls, they make my life worth living.
If a guy whos trying to get laid compliments me it just feels fake and makes me want to throw up + makes me feel uglier than before they complimented me. It feels so plastic and generic, and they always say it like they're so proud to tell you they like the way you look. It's boring and uncomfortable and Its the reason I've avoided all men since January. I need less of this and more girl magic
I'm not sick enough but I'm sure sick in some way
/u/FrootLoopsFruitLoops
Created: Thu May 17 14:14:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k7cyq/im_not_sick_enough_but_im_sure_sick_in_some_way/
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Hi. I'm new here. Actually I've never posted on reddit or ever talked to anyone about this. It has been quite isolating.
I'm a few pounds away from being overweight. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself. For years I've lost and gained....lost and gained.
I'm so completely confused. I'm wondering if there is anyone out there who can relate to me. When I am in"restrict" mode, I feel invisible. I even see progress sometimes (though the person in the mirror never quite looks the same to me). I feel energized. I love the feeling of hunger because it is working. I love feeling my stomach begin to cave in.
Then something happens. Maybe its a holiday. Maybe its a birthday. Whatever it is, somehow my fucked up brain convinces me that I will not enjoy the event if I don't partake and eat the food. It just won't be fun and what's the point of living if you're not having fun right?
Does it stop after that event/holiday time period? Nope. It goes on for months and months. I don't weigh myself anymore. I don't go on a scale. In the beginning, I still am not fat so I don't feel the weight creeping back. Then next thing you know its 5 months after Christmas and I'm almost overweight.
How did I let 5 months go by? I am really good (or not nearly sick enough) at pushing down absolutely all my feeling. I can actually "make" all the disordered thoughts I have about food go away for MONTHS. I enjoy eating. I have fun. Until one day I get on the scale "Just to check" and I've gained 30 pounds. It is devastating but deep down I know what will happen if I stuff my face every day. After I see I need to buy new clothes and see a ugly fat person in the mirror, nothing tastes good anymore. I hate eating. Its not fun anymore. It is the problem. I decide to go into "restrict" mode again.
Here is where the biggest problem comes in. Since I decide I'm too fat and completely delusional from pushing down all the thoughts and feelings, I let everything come up. Everything I've been repressing. The self hatred. The "ed" eyes look in the mirror and see disgusting fat instead of the fake normal glasses I used during the "eating" period. The disgusted and conflicting thoughts of food and eating. Everything. But I don't have the "willpower" to start again. To get into the "restrict" mode. It is the hardest transition ever.
That's where I'm at now. Still eating like a pig. Promising every night that tomorrow it will all start. Making charts about how much I'll loose. But still shoving food down and being completely disgusting. So I'm stuck with all the self hatred with nothing to relieve it until I start restricting again.
I just know once the "restrict" phase starts again, I will be better. I will feel good again. I will love the dizziness and the pain. Hell, one of my best memories in my life is when I went 4 days without food/water and nearly cracked my head on the floor from wiping out so bad. I miss that. So much.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I posted wrong or said the wrong things. Like I said, I've never posted on reddit so I don't know.
Is there anyone out there? Anyone that can "turn it off"? Do you feel like you aren't even "sick enough"? I feel like I'm the only person and I hate myself even more for it :(
“Bread makes you fat” - Ramona Flowers
/u/lizard_dreams
Created: Thu May 17 14:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k7cuk/bread_makes_you_fat_ramona_flowers/
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This scene and the scene where we first step into her house and she lists of her thousand kinds of teas make feel like the character maybe has an eating disorder???
Did anyone else get this feeling or bat an eye at these comments?
I feel like there’s something else and I want to spend my whole evening searching “does Ramona Flowers have an eating disorder “ but I also want to hear what you guys think?
Freaking out about moving abroad
/u/Whose_cat_is_that
Created: Thu May 17 14:07:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k7b23/freaking_out_about_moving_abroad/
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Hey, first of all, I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to post this. I haven’t been diagnosed with an eating disorder. I know my eating habits are fairly disordered (periods of eating so much that I put on 10kg in two months, followed by eating hardly anything). I’ve tried posting in weight loss subs, but all I get is a lecture about how unhealthy my eating is and that just makes me feel worse.
Anyway, from the beginning of the year, I have been restricting a lot and am losing weight. I went through a long phase of binge eating, which made me go from a healthy BMI all the way to obese. Restricting has got me back down to overweight but I now feel terrified to eat. I get about 600-1000 calories a day at the moment which is more than I’d like, but it’s all I can do to stop people from commenting on me under eating.
From next week, I’ll be moving overseas, and I’m so scared. I don’t know what foods are safe, or even what is available. I’ll be stuck in a hotel with other new starters for the first few weeks with no access to a scale and being forced to go out to eat. How can I cope in this situation? I want to continue restricting, but more than that, I don’t want to go back to binge eating. I know that as soon as I start, there would be no going back. How do you deal with being surrounded by people in a new place when you’re expected to eat?
I’m so sorry for not making much sense. I’ve worked myself up to the point of tears worrying about this right now. I just want to be told that it’ll be ok. I should be excited about this, and I am excited about moving, but I just wish there wasn’t food there.
Keto and low carb
/u/Grellous8
Created: Thu May 17 14:06:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k7ape/keto_and_low_carb/
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Not only has keto been shown to help people lose weight and feel less hungry, but also, it reduces carbs in the diet. Carbs in the diet tend to cause bloat/water retention in the body which can impact your weight on the scale. Not sure if this tip was already out there or if it was general knowledge or if it was already known. Just a tip for everyone (and I guess also a post to share opinions and experiences with keto/low carb with everyone), have a nice day y'all.
[Help] Went to a yoga class for the first time!
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Thu May 17 14:03:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k79yg/went_to_a_yoga_class_for_the_first_time/
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Well, I’ve been on and off before but this time I really think I’m gonna stick to it. The only session I could make tonight wasn’t straight up yoga, but yoga conditioning - BOY DOES IT BURN! Legit a straight up workout class. How many calories would 40mins of toning (?) burn? It was pretty much squats, lunges, push ups, sit ups, leg raises, etc. Not that much cardio but the type of shit that’ll give me the abs I crave lmaooooooooo - getting abs and burning calories? Yes pls. Think I’ll be back.
Anyone who does yoga - what’s your favourite thing/type of class to go to? I really want to seriously get into it!
any experience with suppository laxatives?
/u/dyingtobefitt
Created: Thu May 17 14:00:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k793i/any_experience_with_suppository_laxatives/
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tell me your experience below
also i'm not even constipated for ed reasons my body just hates me ugh
Just made myself throw up for the first time in years
/u/Skellyborg
Created: Thu May 17 13:58:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k78dj/just_made_myself_throw_up_for_the_first_time_in/
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Title says it all :(
I recently lost 10lbs and was feeling super great and then the desire to binge hit me like a truck and I have spent the last three days binging. I just made myself sick and I feel worthless.
I just want to get back on track and lose another 10lbs but my stupid brain wants to sabotage me
Any tips on what worked for you guys? I feel so.hopeless right now
I'm Gonna Go Out Of My Comfort Zone and Wear a Pretty Floral Sundress On Saturday!
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Thu May 17 13:55:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k77lp/im_gonna_go_out_of_my_comfort_zone_and_wear_a/
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I normally wear all black or dark gray at all times. Not even nice pretty heather grays ): just dark. It's been like that for a long time, especially whilst I was at my highest weight. Mostly because my preferences on clothing are very goth and witch inspired and my music taste is normally anything metal.
But I'm turning 23 this year and it's been a year of a lot of changes within myself and I feel like I would like to start wearing colors. I've been dress shopping but because I've worn black for so long, I don't know what other colors look good on me ): Well, a family friend gave me this *beautiful* white, pink, and gray tropical print sundress a long time ago and it is just gorgeous. I absolutely love it but have never had the confidence to wear something that'd draw attention to me or something so pretty and light colored. I feel like I'm not skinny or pretty enough to deserve something so pretty, I guess?
But I've been working hard to lose weight and my friend's birthday is this Saturday so I'm gonna wear it to her party because I deserve to feel pretty too, dammit!
[Help] Help: I think they’re going to send me to residential
/u/Wigforfire
Created: Thu May 17 13:25:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k6zc4/help_i_think_theyre_going_to_send_me_to/
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Again I’m really sorry about not having flair all I have is mobile and this week has been shit.
Preface by saying I really thought I was going to get better and I’ve been trying so god damn hard but now I’m 98.8 pounds and I told the psychiatrist who is telling my therapist who I’ve been lying to and I’m so scared of being taken away from my whole family and my boyfriend again. I don’t want to go back. I want to do this in the real world. I’ve seen the treatment centers fail time and time again and I’m devastated. I don’t know how to tell my parents. We don’t have the money to afford it. I don’t know what to do. I feel so small and so alone.
Why did this have to happen to me.
[Rant/Rave] 4 days into my job and people are already noticing my eating habits
/u/ViscousCerebrum
Created: Thu May 17 13:20:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k6xvd/4_days_into_my_job_and_people_are_already/
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Or lake thereof. I normally only have a granola bar, but last night I had pizza after I got off work so I’m fasting today. Yesterday this one guy i work with walked past me during lunch and asked if I was going to eat, and I told him I was eating a granola bar and might grab something else later. Today a female coworker walked up to me and asked if I was going down the cafeteria and I said maybe, and the same male coworker from yesterday came in and asked if I was going to eat. Me, being tired and not giving shit, just said “well, I already had a granola bar yesterday”. Then he said “ahh, right, a granola bar”. Fuck off. Why do people have to comment on whether or not I eat? Why do people have to distance themselves from me just because I’m anorexic? I’m sure that there’s plenty of lovely gossip going around too. I shouldn’t care. I’m just worried that I might be terminated from the job because of my ED? Like, is that a thing? Ughhhhhh
DAE break out if they digest food??
/u/parawhour
Created: Thu May 17 13:15:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k6wkz/dae_break_out_if_they_digest_food/
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Ok so I normally don’t eat anything or I binge then purge. Sometimes I’ll get into a funk where I may binge and not purge/wait too long to purge so some food digests. Whenever I do that my skin breaks out SO BADLY. It’s weird because otherwise I have pretty good skin and I rarely get acne so this frustrates me so much. Does this happen to anyone else and does anyone have any idea why????
[Help] Attention people this is not a drill: what the fuck do normal people eat? And what food do they have at home?
/u/kein0815
Created: Thu May 17 13:06:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k6u4a/attention_people_this_is_not_a_drill_what_the/
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Remade a Reddit account for this because I need your help.
I’ve got friends visiting me this weekend and they don’t know about my ED. Because I’m currently deep in a binge/ restriction cycle (more binging than restricting tbh fml) I have absolutely no food in my apartment.
Howsoever I already casually asked them what they want to eat for breakfast (they know I always skip it) but what other things do people have at home? I don’t even want to eat it I just want to place it in my kitchen so no one will get suspicious.
[Rant/Rave] I gained...
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Thu May 17 12:46:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k6oi2/i_gained/
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I went to the doctors for a check up and fuck... more than 10 lbs. I was feeling good recently. I thought I was feeling lighter and more fit but I guess not. I’m now 157. I was 146.
I was going to eat out with my friends today but that’s not an option anymore. I was skipping my runs bc I was feeling lazy in the mornings but not anymore. I need to drop some weight before prom or else I’ll look like a fat pig in a dress. Throwing up any food that goes in my mouth. Uhh I feel upset and frustrated.
[Discussion] Do you feel full or hungry after purging?
/u/EDTW
Created: Thu May 17 12:40:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k6mnd/do_you_feel_full_or_hungry_after_purging/
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I just purged for the first time in ages, after only a small binge. I feel very full for some reason, and after some googling I saw that some people feel very full afterwards, some people feel starving. Does anyone have any insight on this? How do you feel? It’s making me feel sort of... guilty (?) that I’m not hungry after purging, like I didn’t do a “good job.”
[Rant/Rave] they’re making dinner on a day i know i can fast.
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Thu May 17 12:15:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k6fo3/theyre_making_dinner_on_a_day_i_know_i_can_fast/
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i’ve been fasting since 7-8pm ish on tuesday and i was going to try for 70-72 hours, but my parents are making spaghetti and some dessert tonight. there is nothing i can do to get out of it. i’m angry and sad and i feel so fucking *defeated* i don’t know what to do.
i’ve been keeping busy and the hunger isn’t bothering me because it’s not a depressing day (i usually binge when i’m depressed instead of hungry) and they’re making some fantastic dinner i’m expected to love. we’re all gonna sit down at the table and enjoy a lovely, home cooked (so i don’t know the calories) meal. how :) fucking :) wonderful :))
having a bf that purposefully sabotages my efforts to lose weight...
/u/matchagirl0
Created: Thu May 17 12:14:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k6fgu/having_a_bf_that_purposefully_sabotages_my/
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it sucks. we're long distance and I only see him for a week out of every 2 months. during that week, he goes out of his way to buy large amounts of food, like candy, chips, pasta, everything that he knows is my weakness. he knows I struggle with controlling how much I eat and he reads all my posts on here (on my main acc). like, he knows how much body image means to me and he still goes out of his way to tempt me. I know he's doing it to show that he's affectionate because he buys all my favorite food, but that just shows me he doesn't really care about how I feel
sometimes when I seriously vent to him about my weight and how gross I feel, he'll be like "well when you come over here I'm going to feed you more".
Coworker asked if I was too light to donate blood 🤗
/u/an_anon93
Created: Thu May 17 12:05:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k6cso/coworker_asked_if_i_was_too_light_to_donate_blood/
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My company is having a blood drive and I was telling a coworker how I always want to donate, but I’ve kind of given up because my veins are horrible and they always have to stab me like 5 times. That plus my fear of needles is not a good combination.
Anyway, I started to say this and my coworker went “Oh, I thought you were going to say you don’t weigh enough.” I’m definitely not THAT tiny (5’2” and hovering around 124) but wow?
Do you think she knows she made my whole week?
[Help] Experience with carb blockers??
/u/missdreavuss
Created: Thu May 17 11:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k68ef/experience_with_carb_blockers/
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Ok, so I’m going on vacation for a week in June and I know I’m going to have to eat out a lot since it’s a family vacation and I don’t want them to stress about my eating. (Last November we took a vacation and I was eating small portions and they got concerned and it lowkey ruined the vacation)
ANYWAY, I was looking into maybe trying carb blockers??? Is it worth it? Does anyone else with an underweight BMI have experience with these?
I’m back on my laxative bullshit and I’ve been restricting and fasting like crazy to prep for the vacation so I have that going on. I figured I’ll probably be able to purge a few meals when I’m there, but I’m just really fucking nervous and I hate eating food. Let me know if you’ve tried it and if it actually made a difference or not! Or if you think they’re shitty what else could I potentially do to make it seem like I’m eating or to get the calories away from me??? I have so much anxiety around this vacation.
[Rant/Rave] My Mom...
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Thu May 17 11:01:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k5ue2/my_mom/
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“You are educated, you went to high school. But no, you just packing [on the pounds] and then taking laxatives, that’s all you know how to do.” - My Mom today
Then when she asked me to go get her ice from Target I said, “oh, so first you say to your child with a eating disorder...” and she interjects, “you have no eating disorder you are making it up,” while laughing.
Well the bitch got her ice. I told her not to speak to me.
I took 13 Dulcolax last night so it’s been rough and I don’t need this.
This is why I will never get help, because she is such a ignorant cunt.
I hate her, I wish I never spent the $8 for a Mother’s Day card.
Moment of silence for all the friends I’ve bailed on so I could stay home and starve instead.
/u/xyxyxy_
Created: Thu May 17 10:59:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k5tsg/moment_of_silence_for_all_the_friends_ive_bailed/
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I’m so afraid of losing all my friends this way but equally afraid of going out to eat and losing control
An extra moment for all of the times I ended up binging alone at home anyway 😭
He's not coming...
/u/Melusedek
Created: Thu May 17 09:57:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k5c6w/hes_not_coming/
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So my FWB was planning on visiting me in Berlin this weekend from Copenhagen. He told he was going to visit weeks ago. When I was up there 2 weeks ago we talked about the logistics of him coming down and what we were going to do. But I just got a message from him saying that he's not able to come anymore (celebrating his dad's birthday).
I'm fucking gutted. I've been so proud of myself for staying strong and losing even more weight since he saw me. He's not my boyfriend, and I know he does actually want to come down and he has a legit reason, but still.
I can't decide if I wanna eat all the foods I've been craving or just hide in my empty apartment and starve without my roommate being around. Maybe I'll just start with a bottle of scotch...
[Goal] Hit goal weight and......felt satisfied?
/u/AliceIThink
Created: Thu May 17 09:06:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k4y61/hit_goal_weight_andfelt_satisfied/
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One of the hallmarks of ED is that your goal weight is "never enough." That you hit it, feel a sense of emptiness, and continue adjusting your goal weight to be lower and lower. But recently I have hit a first GW, and though I definitely want to lose a few more vanity lbs, I am feeling much more comfortable looking at my body, wearing the clothes I always dreamed of.
Is it possible with ED to just..... be satisfied? Thoughts!
Cancelling plans because of bloating...
/u/strawstring
Created: Thu May 17 07:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k4e9g/cancelling_plans_because_of_bloating/
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I'm sure others feel this too, but when I'm bloated, have overeaten, or feel puffy/fat in any way I can't function like a normal person. I waste days because I can't bring myself to go outside while feeling so uncomfortably big. I look like I'm pregnant! And I know most people won't even notice a difference, but all I can imagine them thinking is "look at that huge frumpy girl"
It's also a little strange, because when I wake up feeling not as thin as is comfortable I just want to binge (making everything worse, obviously) but when I wake up and the scale has gone down I'm ok and could just keep eating healthily/restricting.
I get myself into this situation often, and sometimes it comes on days when I can just power through a few things and move on with my disgusting feeling self, but of course it also comes on days when I have big plans. Yesterday I binged when I was with friends. And I didn't purge after (which is a win and a loss at the same time), but today I feel awful. I can't even bring myself to step on the scale. In 2 days I am supposed to be going out with someone I really like before moving and not being able to see them potentially ever, so this is something I can't postpone. I am scared to death that I will cancel if I don't feel thinner/emptier by then. So I have to really get it together (but I also have two tests tomorrow) and I'm freaking out already.
Sorry that this was a long post/all over the place, but does anyone have good tips for debloating/feeling better after a binge? Or wants to share their experiences/thoughts?
[Rant/Rave] I don’t want to be found attractive by men.
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Thu May 17 07:37:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k4b22/i_dont_want_to_be_found_attractive_by_men/
---
I know this is probably gonna come across like a humble-brag, but it’s really not intended that way. I gained a lot of weight during my 2-3 years of recovery which put me just over the healthy weight BMI-threshold by 0.2, which triggered me into relapse, and I’ve lost 32lbs pretty quickly. Male gaze has started impacting my life and self-image negatively since I’ve lost that weight. I do actually like my body more now, and I’m more confident taking photos of myself and stuff now. I generally don’t post them to anywhere except my tumblr though, and I do get more messages from people than I would have beforehand (one guy messaged me from 3 different accounts he had to tell me that he thought I was hot). I get more sleazy looks if I go outside from guys too. And idk, I just don’t want that at all. It feels gross.
I want people to think I look good, and I want to think I look good, sure, but I don’t want men to view me sexually. Like, I wish everybody looked at me the way that straight girls look at pretty girls, you know? (I don’t really mind being found attractive by other LGB women either, but I think my *preference* would be to not have anybody except my SO be attracted to me)
And I think the only way I can probably achieve liking how I look while not being found sexually attractive by others is by getting unhealthily thin. I don’t think this was the case for me pre-recovery a few years ago though (didn’t mind being found attractive then), and it feels like a major part of the reason that the nature of my ED since relapse has been different to how it was pre-recovery (I’m much more restriction oriented now, whereas pre-recovery my main behaviours were b/p-ing). Does anyone else relate?
(Should probably mention that during those 2-3 years I’ve been sexually assaulted 3 times with either 1 or 2 of those being rapes... I’ve also been a sex worker and had one or two bad experiences with that, so being sexualised by men is something that I’m kind of disgusted by now. So, like, that probably all contributes)
I think I just wanted to write these thoughts down somewhere. Not sure how coherent they are or how much they make sense.
[Discussion] What kind of little things do you guys do for self care, relaxation, or just to keep yourself distracted?
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Thu May 17 07:06:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k43mk/what_kind_of_little_things_do_you_guys_do_for/
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They are sometimes hard to get started but once I start it’s good. When I get a little manic it helps, but it’s the little things. Thought we could share some ideas and help each other! 💜
Here’s some I’ve been trying/struggling with at times/ working really hard on!
I have been trying to get into meditation and it helps to calm my food thoughts once in a while.
Maybe a face mask sometimes to get my skin not looking dead and taking biotin (my hair is actually growing for once and I feel like less of a 🐀)and EC stack (this maybe not the best but it has helped me a lot)
Cleaning my apartment is a big one, I feel neat, organized, burn calories, and have a nice place to be in.
Trying to retap my creative self to make more art and eat less. Great distraction and hopefully profitable as I gain inventory.
Hahaha fml
/u/jesuschristisherenow
Created: Thu May 17 07:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k43cc/hahaha_fml/
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https://i.redd.it/2v0dknkzzey01.png
Weekly Emotional Support May 17, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 17 06:11:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k3rdg/weekly_emotional_support_may_17_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 17, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 17 06:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k3r1j/daily_food_diary_may_17_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 17, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Getting admitted to inpatient on Friday. RIP
/u/annan4
Created: Thu May 17 04:23:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k36iu/getting_admitted_to_inpatient_on_friday_rip/
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going into inpatient treatment for bulimia. any encouraging words would be helpful because I am terrified right now
[Other] Eat Glitter Guide
/u/IBSDD
Created: Thu May 17 04:16:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k35f4/eat_glitter_guide/
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Hiya,
I have the Eat Glitter PDF Eating Guide if anyone would like it. I know that she has a few fans on this sub & wanted to give you all an opportunity to own it if you were interested - I know that it is pretty pricey.
Please just email me your email address & I will email it to you.
Please don’t be a weirdo because I only have my personal email address & promise I won’t do anything with it except sending you the guide.
X
[Help] Miralax bloat?
/u/BlondeActually
Created: Thu May 17 03:40:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k2z4s/miralax_bloat/
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I’ve been taking Miralax for two days now (today is day three) and despite drinking liters of water and not going over 1000 cal, I have gained 7 pounds. My stomach is so enormous it looks like I’m pregnant! Is this a normal reaction to Miralax at first since I know it draws all the water to the colon, so should I bear with it and hopefully lose a shit ton of water weight soon?
Any experiences of starting Miralax?
[Rant/Rave] i took a picture of myself and i actually liked the girl in the picture’s body. but that girl doesnt look anything like me at all.
/u/wetbookshelf
Created: Thu May 17 03:19:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k2vov/i_took_a_picture_of_myself_and_i_actually_liked/
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so i just sorta hit a goal weight. 2nd one. i wasnt really fasting super hard recently but since i stopped eating in the day until around 6 ive just lost a lot of weight. i was kinda high earlier and felt like taking pics of myself in a sports bra and boyshorts (bc i figured that was the littlest amount i could wear and be able to look at the picture and not freak out) and i took it and i actually really it looks good. but i swear they look nothing like that. that girl looks lean and im awkward and i have bad posture. i carry my weight in weird places. i feel it and i can see it in the mirror.
i just wish i could feel the way i saw myself in those pictures
Binge Eating Research Study. Investigating a possible binge eating intervention.
/u/BingeEatingStudyUCL
Created: Thu May 17 02:46:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k2qi5/binge_eating_research_study_investigating_a/
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https://i.redd.it/151tvhuhpdy01.png
[Discussion] You know you have a problem when...
/u/CatsAreKids
Created: Thu May 17 01:09:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k2b05/you_know_you_have_a_problem_when/
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I saw a suggestion for a post like this, so I decided to make one...
I guess for me it would be chewing and spitting into ziplock bags and keeping them in my room so I can see what I'd be putting in my stomach if I were to allow myself to swallow whatever it is that I wanted to eat.
I examine them (while the food is in the bags) and feel how lumpy and bulky they are, to remind myself not to swallow anything that I feel is "bad" 😓
I want a friend.
/u/squamouspuppies
Created: Thu May 17 00:10:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k2005/i_want_a_friend/
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Sorry if this is weird or not allowed, but I'm having a hard time and I'm kind of desperate. I don't care how pathetic this sounds, but I really just need a new friend. I have friends and everything but I'm kind of tired of them and they probably don't like me very much either and I don't know. This shit is isolating. I want a friend I can talk to about ED stuff who understands, but I don't want a friendship based around that.
I'm into a lot of nerdy hobbies like D&D, video games, podcasts, etc. so it would be cool to have someone with similar interests I can talk to. Maybe we can exchange Discord or just chat over PMs or whatever?
(Holy shit, this is so embarrassing to post but I am feeling so down and lonely).
I'm getting my first bathroom scale!
/u/confusedsooften
Created: Wed May 16 23:01:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k1m48/im_getting_my_first_bathroom_scale/
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Not a big achievement but my dad never allowed my to have a bathroom scale. Apparently he really hates the "dieting culture" and he doesn't want me to lose more weight. He had strictly forbidden me from buying a bathroom scale.
I don't need his permission. I ordered my first bathroom scale online :)
In-Laws Are Having A Summer Party, Trying to Lose This Extra 15lbs By Then
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Wed May 16 22:50:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k1js2/inlaws_are_having_a_summer_party_trying_to_lose/
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It's June 9th so I have 3 weeks to lose 15 pounds (6.8 kg) so I can look good for the party. My competitive ED wants to be the skinniest person there because all anyone can ever talk about is my friend K and I know my SO is attracted to her because she's fucking perfect and I just wanna be perfect too for once...
meant to say “abstain from alcohol” but wrote “abstain from food” (when your ED is subconsciously showing in your hw)
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Wed May 16 22:46:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k1iv4/meant_to_say_abstain_from_alcohol_but_wrote/
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https://i.redd.it/4s1ceozxicy01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Distressed and disgusting
/u/limelightwithyou
Created: Wed May 16 22:45:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k1isc/distressed_and_disgusting/
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I feel so upset right now.
Recently I haven't had the willpower and strength to restrict like I did for the past few months (which brought me to my lowest weight ever). I just keep going on endless cycles of binging and overexercising to burn it off (but still ending the day with a surplus) everyday. I feel like I just undid ALL of my progress I made in the past 6 months. Today I ate over 3500 calories and I feel so disgusting.
I used to be so good at restricting. I need to find the willpower to do all of that again. I'm going to start again tomorrow. Being thin is the only thing I have going for me so I need this back :(
Shirataki noodles? Am I crazy?
/u/Zurthrow
Created: Wed May 16 21:42:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k155u/shirataki_noodles_am_i_crazy/
---
Ok sooo I ordered a pack of these from Amazon and have made them twice now. The first time all I did was rinse and boil them, then add them to chicken broth (trying to recreate ramen) which tasted horrible and made me feel pretty nauseous. I then learned that they're better if you dry them in a pan after boiling to get rid of the slimey-ness and then add as many strong flavors and spices as possible, so I made an alfredo version this time with added lemon juice, lemon pepper, lots of garlic, etc.
The flavor and texture was GOOD this time but there was still something unsettling about them. Both times I've had them now, I've gotten a headache during/immediately after eating them as well as just general discomfort. I know that despite being 0 cal they're still "real food" so I'm not sure if I'm just imagining this or if they're actually making me sickish. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Could I maybe have an allergy to them or is it all in my head?
[Discussion] Can you pinpoint what the start of your disordered eating was?
/u/songfireleaf
Created: Wed May 16 21:24:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k1157/can_you_pinpoint_what_the_start_of_your/
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For me, it was getting sick when I was 12. I was nauseated a ton, and I could only eat if I was so hungry my stomach hurt, otherwise I'd get nasty cramps. If I took too long to eat, and tried to keep eating til after the pain was gone, I would also end up with those lovely cramps. Due to these combined factors, I could barely eat. We went to 2 doctors within about a week once it started, and I lost 8 pounds in that week. That was the first time I really actively thought about losing weight, although I despised my body. I didn't see a doctor who actually knew what was going on (turned out to be abdominal migraines) until it had been a month and a half. He prescibe medication, and it worse, but the damage was done. By then, it was habit for me to only eat once a day, and not eat much. Over time, I started getting obsessive about food. Things just got worse over the years, and here I am, almost 19, still in this whirlpool of grossness with an eating disorder diagnosis under my belt.
Are any of y'all also able to trace your disordered eating back to more or less one particular thing, or was it more of just a gradual "whoops, this is a thing now" for you?
[Discussion] People are freaking out over this Kim K ad saying it promotes unhealthy eating behaviors and all I can think about is how badly I want to buy some 🙃
/u/_mylittlebony
Created: Wed May 16 21:22:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k10qp/people_are_freaking_out_over_this_kim_k_ad_saying/
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https://i.redd.it/x0n2n6qz3cy01.jpg
Adderall doesn't suppress my appetite - what am I doing wrong?
/u/notsonaked
Created: Wed May 16 21:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k10eh/adderall_doesnt_suppress_my_appetite_what_am_i/
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Recently got prescribed Adderall 10mg IR for legitimate ADD. I was excited to hear that it may help suppress my appetite, but in fact it has had the opposite effect \- it makes me ravenously hungry after a few hours. \(I've had Dexedrine before and that suppresses my appetite, and so do common recreational stimulants.\) What do I need to do to make Adderall effective and stop me from eating everything in sight after a few hours? My doctor suggested trying XR to stop the hunger pangs \- would that help?
Low cal+fiber+iron, hooray!
/u/GreigeSwan
Created: Wed May 16 20:58:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0v8b/low_calfiberiron_hooray/
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Just putting this out there for others who may benefit. I recently re-incorporated bran flakes cereal into my diet after a long time of being afraid to eat the carbs. Worth it! One serving is 90 cal, fills you up, gets you to your iron intake and helps you gooooooo.
It's also insanely cheap for a giant box at my grocery store.
Can I get a heck yeah?
I think I have some issues...
/u/weesnaw18
Created: Wed May 16 20:55:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0ujf/i_think_i_have_some_issues/
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Long time lurker, first time poster. I hope I’m doing this right. On mobile, so please excuse any errors
I’ll try to make a very long story as short as possible. When I was 10, my dad remarried and my new stepmother was/is a registered dietician. I was a chubby kid, not very active, definitely a little overweight but nothing drastic.
Food became a constant source of shame and disgust. Everything I ate or thought about eating was criticized. She told me I needed to lose weight to be able to wear cute clothes, and would purposely buy me clothes too small. She told me I should have 300 calories a meal, 3 meals a day, and never have any snacks. Ever. She wanted to put a 12 year old on a 900 calorie a day diet. I was only allowed to eat off of saucers, not a full sized plate.
So I started eating in secret because I was so hungry. I would hide food in my room and eat when everyone was in bed. It got to the point where I was embarrassed to eat in front of anyone at all.
I came across a picture from when I was a young teen, when she constantly made me feel fat and disgusting. I looked GOOD. Healthy. I’m 5’2 and was about 125 lbs then, but my stepmom said that the correct weight for my height was 115 at the highest.
This evolved into me going nuts over food when I moved out and was no longer under her control. In the space of three years, I’ve gained 120 lbs. I’ve also had a baby, which has caused my belly to not be as... high as it was before? I’ve never been this big and I absolutely hate myself.
Normal people would adopt a healthy diet and exercise. But because my thinking is so fucking black and white, I yo-yo from eating next to nothing to eating my weight in Taco Bell. I still hide food and eat in secret. Thoughts of food constantly plague me. I spend probably 70% of my day thinking about food and eating.
It’s ruining my life. I absolutely hate my body. I hate myself. I hate that I can’t be fucking normal and see food as fuel to live, not this horrible obsession. To make things so much better, I was diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance in February.
My husband and I are supposed to go on vacation at the end of the month. We’re going to a theme park, and I’m terrified I won’t fit in the rides. Absolutely terrified. So I obsessively measure myself and have bought shapewear to suck in my disgusting gut.
Sorry this was so long and ramble-y. But it feels good to get it out. I’m sorry if this doesn’t belong here, or if I don’t really have anything “wrong” with me. Maybe it’s all in my head? Maybe I’m just a fat, crazy slob.
Heyhey
/u/rainbowsunshinedust
Created: Wed May 16 20:54:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0u9s/heyhey/
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I feel like I can't even post here anymore I've been so gone for so long. But I've hit "goal"-ish weight and the binge is real. I don't sleep. It's xans or it's late night thoughts of fucking pringles. I guess if i picked any god to be god it'd be Pringles. Well food. Food is god and fml. I'm gaining weight again. Freaking out but it's fine. Always fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I have alcohol issues I never count the booze. It almost feels like I wouldn't insult the whiskey with being on my "fuck you you will make me fat" list. Had to complain. Y'all feel so good and so beautiful as y'all are. And thanks for being here. I'm going to bp now. And the only place I can be honest is here.
[Rant/Rave] Ditching boyfriend because of my ED
/u/Darthvaderr13
Created: Wed May 16 20:52:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0u12/ditching_boyfriend_because_of_my_ed/
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Today I hung out with my boyfriend and he bought me a shirt, purse, candy, and a pack of cigarettes. He left after awhile and he was supposed to come back over to spend the night but there’s no way that’s happening I just binged so much I can’t even suck in my stomach. I feel so terrible because he just bought me all this stuff and he’s so sweet. I wish I wasn’t like this.
[Discussion] I’m struggling to believe that I have burned 800 calories simply by being awake. How?!
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Wed May 16 20:47:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0sy3/im_struggling_to_believe_that_i_have_burned_800/
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This is according to my Fitbit.
[Rant/Rave] Here I go fasting again! 🙃
/u/a_horse_says_weigh
Created: Wed May 16 20:40:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0r6i/here_i_go_fasting_again/
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I had hip surgery about a month ago and I was hoping to kind of just lay around helplessly and hopefully waste away, but my mom kept feeding me and I ended up eating at maintenance for a couple weeks, somehow. My weekly averages have been around maintenance for several weeks, but as we all know, that’s not good enough if you’re restricting! 🙃🙃🙃
So through a combination of like $30,000 in medical bills, feeling left out of my “friends’” lives, an upcoming wedding, bipolar depression, etc., I’m feeling pretty worthless and the one thing I can maybe succeed at is fasting for as long as I can! And maybe Super Mario Odyssey. Lol
So I redownloaded Zero and am diving back in! Sucks to suck.
My ED is causing me problems with dating :(
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Wed May 16 20:23:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0nli/my_ed_is_causing_me_problems_with_dating/
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I found a super nice guy. He's super ambitious, he's at a great point in life for his age, he's smart, and nice, and well- mannered. He treats me really well too. He's a 12/10.
But with my ED came a certain.. uncomfortability for people with bigger bodies. They're absolutely beautiful, don't get me the wrong way- I don't judge people for how they look, and I don't want to. But he's a little bigger (not even overweight) and I just find it (sexually) unattractive, so to say? And it makes it super hard for me to physically get close to him, and it sucks.
Because I feel so bad about it too, you know? I don't have the right to judge someone based on their body size, but I kind of do.. and I don't know why. Help. :(
Join Huddle!
/u/cerulean-
Created: Wed May 16 20:12:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0l2p/join_huddle/
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Hey everyone! I've been seriously trying to fill the void MPA left me with, and today I found Huddle. Join the ED community on there! My username is billowy. I need ED friends 😊
I'm on mobile so flair is other i guess
Unsatisfying binge
/u/Jtgonc
Created: Wed May 16 20:06:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0jwe/unsatisfying_binge/
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Ugh I’ve recently (like two days ago lol) to start counting my calories and restricting again. I eat about 1200 and I think I’m done for the day and I got and eat 1,080 calories worth of god damn PITA CHIPS. they didn’t even taste good. Tried to purge, unsuccessful as usual. I’m just upset with myself because it’s literally been two days and I already have a huge binge. I just want to lose 25 pounds and I’m not even getting on the right track. Maybe I’ll try to purge again, except I’m sure I’ve absorbed some of the calories
[Discussion] DAE watch their SO eat and instantly get disgusted and/or lose their appetite?
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Wed May 16 19:57:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0htr/dae_watch_their_so_eat_and_instantly_get/
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Watching my boyfriend eat so much I can’t help but side eye and stink face especially the sounds he makes chewing and opening his mouth.
Still love him though lol
Does anyone high restrict while EC stacking?
/u/an_anon93
Created: Wed May 16 19:51:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0gjg/does_anyone_high_restrict_while_ec_stacking/
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While I CAN low(ish) restrict with EC stacks, it just starts to catch up with me. After a few days at 600-800 calories I feel really, really shitty. And I’d prefer to...you know...not? I know a lot of people use EC stacks to help with fasting/super low restricting but I’ve found that I can really easily eat 1000-1200 calories while using them and feel great.
But something in my disordered brain is telling me it’s a waste if I eat over like 800 calories on a day I stack (I don’t even know), but my rational brain is telling me that using them as a tool while aiming for a little higher restriction might be...healthier, maybe even more effective if it doesn’t lead me to binge? Does anyone do this?
dae not wear much makeup when ur mental helth is rly bad?
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Wed May 16 19:51:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0gga/dae_not_wear_much_makeup_when_ur_mental_helth_is/
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When I'm actively /trying/ to restrict or just hating myself in general (lately) I feel like I can't put in the energy to doll up.. I feel like I'm already so ugly and if I try to do makeup everyone will be laughing at me. Anyone else feel this way?
dae not wear much makeup when ur mental helth is rly bad?
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Wed May 16 19:51:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0gg7/dae_not_wear_much_makeup_when_ur_mental_helth_is/
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When I'm actively /trying/ to restrict or just hating myself in general (lately) I feel like I can't put in the energy to doll up.. I feel like I'm already so ugly and if I try to do makeup everyone will be laughing at me. Anyone else feel this way?
Problems with sleeping?
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Wed May 16 19:45:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0f3t/problems_with_sleeping/
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I'm currently restricting (not as much as I like, sigh had a social day, feel like a pig) but at the same hiking & extra cardio almost everyday now (with a weighted pack) and yet I can't seem to sleep. I feel exhausted and I'm averaging 4-5 hours a night but can't fall asleep when extra restricting or I up my cardio. When I'm lazy it isn't an issue....(for reference I do take concrete & Rit, deep breathing, more caffeine & some type of herbal supplements ) idk & suddenly I just start to crash and sleep forever and start the cycle over again. haha
Does this happen to anybody else or am I slowly going more insane?
[Tip] zero calorie snack
/u/jaclynct
Created: Wed May 16 19:44:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0et7/zero_calorie_snack/
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i’m not sure if this is general knowledge or if this has been posted before but i have a little popsicle recipe i do year round that is zero calories.
i put a zero calorie water flavor in a water bottle and mix it up, then i pour it into homemade popsicle molds and let it freeze. i eat these all the time and they’re really good!
[Rant/Rave] Fuck my psychologist
/u/MobileGene
Created: Wed May 16 19:43:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0eq3/fuck_my_psychologist/
---
So I just wanted to go on a little rsnt here. I had(still have) a serious binging issue so my therapist told me to stop I would have to stop fasting and restircting. I've now gained 20 pounds in the past year and fear I'll never be able to make it back to my previous weight due to the binges. I fucking hate that therapist. I got not better without fatsing or restricting and now I all got is 20 pounds and feeling like shit to show for it. Anyway, move along with your days. Thanks for a ranting forum.
PS. Any tips to stop binging?
[Other] "Most anemic patient I've ever had"
/u/handzies
Created: Wed May 16 19:37:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0d5z/most_anemic_patient_ive_ever_had/
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And that was after 3 or 4 days of eating like a human adult.... Wow. This is the first time I've had proof of my ED affecting my health. The normal low is 20%, I was 3%. My doctor was shocked. Jeez. Now I have a pill I have to take 3 times a day for 90 days.
[Rant/Rave] What binging taught me
/u/voldemortshorts
Created: Wed May 16 19:26:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k0ajk/what_binging_taught_me/
---
1. Gaining 37 lbs is not worth it
2. People are cruel to when you are fat
3. Too expensive and waste of food makes me guilty as well
4. Not worth it, not worth a single thing that I ate
5. Losing it all will be hard but I will do it again
6. I am ready to stop wearing my memories on my skin
7. Dont give up on yourself!
Shout out to taking meds as prescribed!
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Wed May 16 19:19:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k08ze/shout_out_to_taking_meds_as_prescribed/
---
So I take Adderall but I've been really bad about remembering it lately. I forgot to take it for 3 days and I was a fucking binge monster. I think that qualified as a tolerance break bc I took what my pdoc rx'ed me today and I feel great! (other than an intense nicotine craving). My obsession with the cookies in the breakroom? Gone. The intense itching for french fries? Gone. My frantic search for food the second I'm slightly hungry? Gone.
I have the rx for treatment resistant depression and BED initially although I'm very open with my doc about the bulimia that developed about 9 months ago. He is always excited for my weight loss.
Ended my 90 hour fast with alcohol. Not even upset.
/u/tjking333
Created: Wed May 16 18:48:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k01xu/ended_my_90_hour_fast_with_alcohol_not_even_upset/
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I ate and drank way too much last night, but I'm honestly not worried about it. I'm still pretty full from what I ate last night, meaning I probably won't eat today. And with how long I fasted I still come out to a major deficit.
I'm just glad my ED didn't ruin my fun last night.
[Help] Help with estimating Red Lobster calories?
/u/e_liz
Created: Wed May 16 18:46:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8k01fc/help_with_estimating_red_lobster_calories/
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Can anyone help me figure this out? There are southwest-style lobster tacos you can order at Red Lobster. It’s 750 cals for 3, 250 for 1. It’s my birthday tomorrow and we are probably eating there. I really wanted to just enjoy myself for one day & order something with lobster in it. I was wondering if anyone could help me calculate an estimation of how many cals are in the actual lobster, how many are in the tortillas, & how many are in the other toppings included? The website’s description: three wood-grilled golden tortillas, our house-made fire-roasted corn and avocado salsa, and a drizzle of spicy-cool jalapeño ranch. (Plus the lobster). I would really appreciate it if anyone could help me figure this out 😩 (I know how pathetic this all sounds, you guys. I’m sorry.)
[Help] Fitbit copying MFP dinner twice? Is there any way to fix this? (Has never happened on any other day, MFP has correct info at 323)
/u/bodybycoke
Created: Wed May 16 18:36:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jzz8u/fitbit_copying_mfp_dinner_twice_is_there_any_way/
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https://i.redd.it/uxyype1gaby01.jpg
[Discussion] Favourite way(s) to stave off hunger?
/u/borrellia
Created: Wed May 16 18:17:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jzuk0/favourite_ways_to_stave_off_hunger/
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The title says it all — just wanted a place for all of us to share/discuss our favourite techniques to get rid of that pesky appetite!!!
I’ll go first — Adderall is a definite fail-safe, but has some negative side effects that suck sometimes (& not everyone has a prescription). Drinking a lot of water is great, but the peeing!!! I’d say my favourite is going to sleep when I’m hungry, because I know I’ll wake up skinnier & maybe even dream about eating food.
[Other] it's a double edge sword
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Wed May 16 18:10:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jzsum/its_a_double_edge_sword/
---
https://i.redd.it/wusntb0p5by01.png
[Rant/Rave] Someone asked me if i was one of ‘those’ girls.
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Wed May 16 18:04:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jzras/someone_asked_me_if_i_was_one_of_those_girls/
---
I travelled up to Leeds today where i’m originally from to see some family and old friends for a few days, my friend decided that we would go to nando’s and then to costa for a drink afterwards, the trip went well up until Costa.
Whilst in there I asked for almond milk instead of regular and they didn’t have any, I asked for the calorie counts of their other types of milk as I didn’t know them and they were very reluctant, they asked if it was because I was diabetic or had any medical issues and as I replied no the girl at the till asked if I was just ‘one of those girls’ and did it ‘really matter that much’.
It was very embarrassing for me and my friend and I was holding back tears throughout the entire thing, it was such a small thing to get upset about but it was just so embarrassing :(
So I finally know why I binge. Now I want to hack that urge.
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Wed May 16 17:05:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jzddz/so_i_finally_know_why_i_binge_now_i_want_to_hack/
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For two weeks of the month I feel powerful, I've never been someone who gets hungry easily, used to be the kid who'd hide their lunch at school for the simple reason I didn't want it. Been doing some reflecting and its directly the other half of the month that I start getting very strong cravings and the few days before my period I just feel *hungry. Constantly.* And every month I lose and gain the same 4lbs.
This month though I've checked and all of this is directly related to my cycle and it's so so distressing I wish I didn't get periods again, since I got them back getting weight restored I've been so bad for it, overshot my personal goal weight because of fucking HORMONES.
But now I know, I feel like maybe I can control this? Has anyone found a way to 'hack' their body's urges like this? TBH now I know, I might just white knuckle it, PMS can only last so long. Any advice would be amazing though!
[Help] Would laxatives help for post-binge weight?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Wed May 16 16:40:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jz79z/would_laxatives_help_for_postbinge_weight/
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So I ate above maintenance for the entire week and it only stopped yesterday. I assume I gained 3 pounds of actual fat and I’m carrying like 5 pounds of water weight from all the salt, and I might still have leftover food in my system. I want to get down to my true weight and have nothing in my body, then fast. Would laxatives work for this?
Tried to commit suicide, ended up losing 15lbs by vomiting lmao
/u/neutralities
Created: Wed May 16 16:13:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jz0i2/tried_to_commit_suicide_ended_up_losing_15lbs_by/
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I have never been more ill than I am at the moment, as a result of trying to kill myself Monday morning. After having spent the past 48 hours straight vomiting in my room, I finally got up the strength to take a shower this morning, popped on the scale to see I've lost just over 15lbs by severely dehydrating myself.
I deeply regret everything about this situation, but seeing that number on the scale was satisfying, despite knowing logically that I'm going to bounce right back up.
Anyway, lesson learned here - I need to go get some professional help, because everything about this is fucked.
[Tip] [Tip] How to stop a binge
/u/pailblusea
Created: Wed May 16 16:05:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jyylw/tip_how_to_stop_a_binge/
---
On mobile, can't flair.
Step one: own cat.
Step two: Have a piece of birthday cake, take 6 bites and realize how bad of an idea it would be to finish it.
Step three: Throw it in the garbage and toss used cat litter on it. voilà!
Losing motivation/will? Try Spite™!
/u/deepdiccpizza
Created: Wed May 16 15:56:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jywem/losing_motivationwill_try_spite/
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So lately I've been going out with friends to drink and chat and one of my friends, let's call her X, tends to comment on my (and strangers' bodies) pretty regularly, much to my annoyance. I'm technically the thin one, while simultaneously being overweight, but that's only because my other friends weigh more than me/shorter you get the deal. X in particular is sitting at around 300lbs.
X is the type of girl to insult you lowkey while acting completely innocent, really just to get a laugh. Others see her as maybe oblivious or blunt but I tend to see people in a more cynical light..
Some fun things she's said to me! She's commented on how I need to gain weight (!! Hell no?! I'm medically quite overweight, not being modest), commented on how my breasts look, how I don't have curves, how "tiny" I am, once I joked about not having a nice body or whatever and she replied quite seriously and with a pitying tone that I have a nice face. I got a hair cut and was very happy with short hair and she lamented and whined about how I chopped off my hair and to not worry bc it'll grow back... There have been times where she's drawn me in extremely unflattering ways as a joke. (Much fun for my BD) Some of these may sound like she means well but it makes me uncomfortable and I hate when people comment on my body, I got issues y'all.
She never does this with our other friends, singling me out and making me the butt of the joke. She always compliments our other friends with legitimately nice things. (You look amazing, you're so pretty etc.)
It really does fuel me to work harder and lose more weight. It's kind of obvious she says these things bc she's insecure about her own body, the targets of these shady comments are always thin(ner) people. I've already lost 30lbs. and gotten myself out of the obese BMI range! I'm happy with where I'm going and I don't need anyone to shame me when I'm making progress to better myself. I will use this and turn it into glow up fuel. Thanks for reading, first time posting, sorry if it was a mess. Let me know of people in your life who unintentionally keep you going!! We gotta find inspiration somewhere lol
[Help] laxatives?
/u/gnarlove
Created: Wed May 16 15:54:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jyvop/laxatives/
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so what’s the truth about laxatives? i’ve seen some people say they help weight loss, while i’ve seen others say they do more harm than help by making you lose nutrients and water.
is it just a quick way to make the number go down or will it actually help me lose fat?
Dating is my biggest trigger
/u/Bookeisha
Created: Wed May 16 15:09:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jyjtp/dating_is_my_biggest_trigger/
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Soooo I just made a fool of myself one more time.
Just in time! I broke a 36 hours fast this afternoon, somehow managed to stop myself mid thru it and now the temptation is out the door. In fact, all I want to do now is to flush the food down the toilet and starve myself into vapour :) :) :)
[Rant/Rave] Offended by a coworker (dumb)
/u/ilikepizza6665
Created: Wed May 16 14:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jybac/offended_by_a_coworker_dumb/
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My coworker and I were talking about clothes and she said she might have a certain style of clothes I like. She asked me what size I was and she said “medium?” and I said small, sometimes medium depending on the brand. Usually like 98% of the time I’m a small but I’m all fucked up now thinking that I’m actually bigger than I think I am. One of my dresses is an XS and one of them is an 8. I hate clothing sizes. Now I just feel huge.
Fear of relapse
/u/rachihc
Created: Wed May 16 14:38:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jyb28/fear_of_relapse/
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I am working really hard on my recovery. I am focusing on eating better and training hard, I am gaining muscle, slowly and gaining strengh fast. But I feel weird af gaining weight even when it is in the places I want (legs and butt). Also I am starting to justify my binges with "oh I just worked out, I need the calories to recover" or stuff like that. So as a result I am eating shitty stuff everyday or at least once a day.
Now I am on my period and really bloated and feeling fat ugly and out of control. I am really afraid to fall of the wagon. I do want to do a fast, but in an attempt to restart a healthy sugar free diet.
Does anyone here have recover or is in the process, I try to talk to my therapist, but always other bigger issues as my panic attacks take our time.
What's your year been like so far? What're your aims? ED positives and Negatives.
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Wed May 16 14:17:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jy5a2/whats_your_year_been_like_so_far_whatre_your_aims/
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I feel like I'm kind of at a turning point right now in that I've been looking back on how I've been coping this year, I thought making a list of points and sharing may help?
Okay for me, since 2017:
Positives
* Started supplementing properly \(magnesium \<3\)
* Decreased my binging periods from multiple months to around a week each
* Restricted from 114/5 to 107
* Discovered how much my period triggers binging
* Booked a cosmetic treatment\(??\)
* Made chocolate a safe food
* Gotten into the habit of IF
Negatives
* Had some baaaad binge spells up until March
* Binged every time my period has come around
* Taken days off college because of feeling mentally/physically drained
* Started sporadically \(ab\)using laxatives
* Started sporadically smoking
* Binged every time I've been out drinking
* Purged for the first time \(only twice\)
Aims
* Get down to 100lbs before September
* Find a way to sort out these shitty hormonal period binge weeks
The only thing I am proud of about myself these days. I want to recover but I cannot tolerate giving this up. I just can’t.
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Wed May 16 14:14:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jy46t/the_only_thing_i_am_proud_of_about_myself_these/
---
https://imgur.com/a/lIW03tX
[Help] The results of two months of binge/restrict and not weighing- how do I interpret this?!
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Wed May 16 14:13:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jy3yy/the_results_of_two_months_of_bingerestrict_and/
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Guys I NEED some opinions.
My lw is 104, my gw is 100 but at 104 I felt comfortable with my body. I last weighed myself 3/17 when my ed was getting bad and I stopped weighing to try and fix my mind. Which led to two months of eating whatever I wanted combined with weekly 24-48 hours fasts.
Lately I felt like I was developing bed and I have been really determined not to give in to binges and by tonight I will be 90 hours fasted and will have avoided bingeing for three days.
Well last night my bf got serious with me about how it hurts him to see me hurting myself and he is tired of enabling me and is really trying to get me to go to dinner with him. I couldn’t do it last night but him bringing it up made me want to eat so badly and I still want to eat today.
So I decided to weigh myself for the first time in two months and I told myself if I was higher than 106 I wouldn’t eat and if I was less I could go to Olive Garden with him tonight and get drunk and eat like a normal person.
I was sure I had gained 10lbs in these last two months but I weighed 105.8!!! Which feels like a huge relief to know that I can eat and even over eat and not become a whale.
So of course I should be ok treating myself tonight right? Nope. Now I am thinking if I stay on track with restricting and fasting I can get to 100 pretty quick, or I’m thinking that my weight must not be accurate bc I haven’t eaten in four days.
But I also know that I am just fucking up my mind further and further. But I’ve also convinced myself that if I go to Olive Garden tonight and get beers and pasta and ice cream afterwards that that is a binge and I don’t want bed.
GUYS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO.
Any experience with Satiereal?
/u/brlouse
Created: Wed May 16 14:01:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jy0ew/any_experience_with_satiereal/
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Or other appetite suppressants?
[Goal] If only
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Wed May 16 13:45:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jxvx4/if_only/
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More than anything I want to feel comfortable in dresses... right now I feel so exposed if I wear anything other than layers because I'm so big but if I do wear layers I feel like the fat girl trying to hide herself that everyone sees right through... I don't want these boobs and I don't want this huge butt lmao I don't want to be thicc I want to be adorable...
eating less calories doesn't lead to weight loss
/u/dyingtobefitt
Created: Wed May 16 13:37:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jxtn1/eating_less_calories_doesnt_lead_to_weight_loss/
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this article hurts my brain
[http://theconversation.com/what\-thin\-people\-dont\-understand\-about\-dieting\-86604](http://theconversation.com/what-thin-people-dont-understand-about-dieting-86604)
how are people this stupid
explain?
(inspired by u/Lunar_Heart's title post) You know you have a problem when ...[fill in blank]
/u/verypetitbourgeois
Created: Wed May 16 13:21:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jxp4y/inspired_by_ulunar_hearts_title_post_you_know_you/
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* taking a line of coke/amphatamines/uppers instead of a meal
* wear really baggy clothes when you lost a lot of weight even though you like your body better now, but no one must know...
* throwing away food cooked with love by your poor as fuck grandmother that saved up for weeks prior to make a nice christmas meal just for you
* wishing that your friend/acquintance that you're sure has an ED as well gains a fuck ton of weight because it's not fair she looks so good despite everything
* shoplifting food during a binge phase
* already planning to spend the first money on your next paycheck for a new scale / food scale
* using your last money to buy cigarettes even though there's literally no food at home
* having a whole separate youtube account just to watch ED documentaries / ed youtubers etc... so the reccs dont show up when you want to listen to music in front of other people
* overestimating, sometimes by double, calories "just in case"
* checking calories for medication, and getting off certain medication if "weight gain" is a possible side effect
(i dont do some of these anymore, thankfully)
What are yours ? What are those moments that make you go "ok this is *really* not normal" ?
Finding 'one of us' in the wild
/u/WhatsAMooseSay
Created: Wed May 16 13:15:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jxnfl/finding_one_of_us_in_the_wild/
---
Shoutout to the nervous woman checking the calorie count on the back of the baby food jars in the grocery store today.
I swear it wasnt judgement you were getting from me - I felt bad for turning the corner and startling you ❤
I really hate fast food and I'm stressing so much now
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn
Created: Wed May 16 13:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jxjay/i_really_hate_fast_food_and_im_stressing_so_much/
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I normally only eat dinner because I can't skip that with my parents being around. Sometimes I eat a tiny breakfast too and just eat less at dinner, which really was my plan for today. But then my parents decided to order fast food and fucked everything up. Even though I only ate a tiny bit of my food, I know that I've eaten way more calories than I was supposed to. If I knew this was gonna happen tonight, I wouldn't have eaten breakfast, but ah well it's too late now... I can't really make up for it tomorrow simply because I can't eat less than I already do normally. I mean, I *have* to eat dinner because of my parents, and dinner's the only thing I usually eat. It's stressing me out so much...
DAE ever feel out of control?
/u/Wigforfire
Created: Wed May 16 12:59:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jxim3/dae_ever_feel_out_of_control/
---
Honestly, some days I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing to myself. I know that everyone says that I developed this disorder as a means of controlling my life but I sometimes I have these moments of clarity where I realize that I’m absolutely out of control. I mean I was doing pretty well maintaining a healthier weight for a couple months and I was honestly pretty happy, not 100%, maybe not even 75% but I was better than I am now.
In the span of 6 weeks I’ve dropped 7 pounds and I’m not even trying. Once I realized how much I lost I decided I would at least start maintaining so I wouldn’t raise too much suspicion from my family but now its like first nature for me to restrict and if not that find a way to exercise it off. I’m totally at a loss because I feel like I can’t even control my weight anymore because I can’t even figure out how to maintain
Dealing with CED, emotional eating. I would gladly exchange that for anorexia
/u/hopingtobehappy
Created: Wed May 16 12:55:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jxho9/dealing_with_ced_emotional_eating_i_would_gladly/
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This sounds extremely bad, but you know, I hate my body. There are times, where I feel like I'm somewhere deep, struggling with weight loss, body issues, insecurities, if I could control myself I would not eat anything. But my body does what it wants. It wants to eat everything, cause it makes my depressing life less miserable for a moment. An then there's guilt. And sadness.
Loneliness makes me eat. I noticed, I don't eat when I'm with people, I feel bad eating in front of people. And honestly I don't need food when people are talking to me and I feel like I'm liked. Food suddenly becomes less in control.
As soon as I come back come everything comes back.
I'm clearly not ok. But if I have to be, I would gladly exchange my problem for anorexia.
At this point all I care about is to be skinny. And I'm not. Cause I'm fucking weak.
[Rant/Rave] Starting over ONCE AGAIN
/u/th3Y3ti
Created: Wed May 16 12:50:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jxgce/starting_over_once_again/
---
Fuck me man. I was on my way back down to my low weight and then last Monday I decided i could just take one day to indulge (I was in a low mood and didnt know what else to do with myself). Fast forward to today, a binge-filled week and a half later and I’m back at square one and I hate looking in the mirror and I want to die. Not to mention I’m going to a wedding on Saturday and I’m trying to convince myself that if I don’t eat until then I’ll at least have a modicum of the progress I had made back. Why do I do this.
[Help] randomly gained 1.4lbs
/u/magsramen
Created: Wed May 16 12:50:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jxgaf/randomly_gained_14lbs/
---
please help, yesterday i ate around 500 calories, no more than usual and today i have gained. i woke up this morning with a sore stomach/abdomen, so i’m wondering if it’s stomach acid or constipation? its not my period, for sure. TMI: i haven’t pooped in a couple of days. is that it? sorry guys, i’m freaking out. i need reassurance, please!
Who has passed out from fasting and how long was the fast?
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Wed May 16 12:25:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jx914/who_has_passed_out_from_fasting_and_how_long_was/
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I am extremely afraid of hospitals. So I am sometimes scared to fast for long amounts of time because I am afraid that I will pass out and end up in the hospital. From your experience, how long have you fasted when you passed out ?
My poor cousin...why don’t people take mental illness seriously? [other][support]
/u/mynormalheart
Created: Wed May 16 12:17:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jx6ue/my_poor_cousinwhy_dont_people_take_mental_illness/
---
My cousin has suffered from really bad anxiety, OCD, and various ED’s pretty much for as long as I have known her. She’s never gotten professional help for it, largely because of discouragement from her family. My mom’s side (including my mom) is very anti-meds and therapy.
Recently she’s taken a turn for the worse and has begun having (what I think) the symptoms of a mental breakdown. I’m diagnosed Bipolar II myself and have witnessed people have manic episodes and it is eerily similar to what is happening with my cousin.
It’s so frustrating because no one is taking it seriously! Her mom called my mom and the entire conversation was focused around how my cousin just needs to get out of the rut she’s been in and how crap like getting a new job or finding a new boyfriend is going to help her. Not about how she needs professional help.
My mental illness has never been taken seriously by my family and it is so hard seeing someone go through the same thing.
[Help] I need some advice - should I withdraw from my spring classes?
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Wed May 16 12:04:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jx33x/i_need_some_advice_should_i_withdraw_from_my/
---
So I made a post on here recently about a my suicide attempt last week \- I'm in a bad mental spot and pretty deep in my ED. My SO and family think I should drop my spring semester classes and just focus on my mental health \(I think I'd be able to get a full refund as long as I provide my hospitalization documents\) but I'm honestly not sure if I should. School adds more structure to my life \- yeah its stressful and this whole situation has put me behind in all my course work but I know I'd feel really guilty dropping them. Plus I'm not sure if lounging around home all day would be much better for me. Idk. This sucks. I already missed an assignment due date and I'm hoping my prof gives me an extension. And I have a midterm next week. Ugghhhh :/
Feeing guilty when people compliment your body
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Wed May 16 11:59:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jx1fy/feeing_guilty_when_people_compliment_your_body/
---
DAE get extreme guilt and shame when someone says something complimentary about your body (not even necessarily about being skinny, just anything at all) because you feel like you’re cheating and they don’t realise it and someday you’re going to get found out and be punished by some force that makes you fat and ugly for being a sneaky little liar and thinking you deserved more?
Food opinion?
/u/monstersona
Created: Wed May 16 10:56:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jwipw/food_opinion/
---
How do yall feel about egg whites? They're mega low calorie (fried they're 20 calories) and they leave me pretty full.
[Discussion] Wanting to change gender (to M) at higher/more uncomfortable weights?
/u/azonips4
Created: Wed May 16 10:47:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jwfyg/wanting_to_change_gender_to_m_at_highermore/
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This might be a super weird question, but it's what's been happening to me. Women on the sub, do you wish you were a man at more uncomfortable weights?
I'd just be curious to know if the feelings are common among women ED sufferers. It's like I'm dysphoric but mostly only when I get to a certain weight?
I'm not trying to say men don't have EDs, or its in any way less horrible than ED in women. I just get this inexplicable urge during these times.
My face is too round, sides/hips too wide, I'm just in general way too soft, and I want the narrow hips of a guy, angular shape of face, the freeness of a flat chest. I don't even think I'd mind if I was a slightly chubby guy. Just as long as I don't have this body that's literally soft everywhere with so much on my hips and chest. I'd like everything that comes with that as well, like a deeper voice and more capacity for muscle.
Are these common feelings among women with EDs?
I'm wondering if maybe my wish is simply manifesting itself as an ED. I've had visceral disgust for my body ever since I gained the little weight that set my ED off years ago. The only thing that ever made it consistently better was lifting. But it seems odd to me that it only comes at this weight.
I apologize if this is off topic or odd
I'd be at my goal weight if I had stuck to -2 lb a week since last year
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal
Created: Wed May 16 09:40:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jvwo6/id_be_at_my_goal_weight_if_i_had_stuck_to_2_lb_a/
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Fuck
So i havent had fish and chips for a very long time
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Wed May 16 09:37:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jvvt5/so_i_havent_had_fish_and_chips_for_a_very_long/
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including carbohydrates related foods, ice creams etc. i was restricting for a long time, had a huge urge to eat fish and chips so i bought it for my mother and i yesterday. ate like i was super hungry and cried after it. the sadness and guilt still lingers until now.. i am so sick of these emotions. i am underweight but i wanna be thinner. BUT, when i look at myself at the mirror i feel disgusted by my skinniness and yet i still felt like a fat person. i just wanna cry and be dead by this
Scared of eating :/
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Wed May 16 09:27:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jvstg/scared_of_eating/
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I know at some point I'll eat today (keeping my daily intake below 600), but I'm so scared to do it. I don't eat before noon (currently 11:24) and I'm having literal panic over what to eat and how many calories I should have. I would honestly just fast today if I didn't have to work at 4pm (retail and I've passed out before from fasting and going to work).
I guess this is just a rant, but I wanted to know if anyone else feels like this even when they're heavily restricting and know you're eating very little?
[Rant/Rave] SO threw out the scale
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Wed May 16 09:06:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jvmqg/so_threw_out_the_scale/
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And I'm not even mad. Yea I'll still be obsessively body checking and taking measurements but at least I won't have this stupid number controlling my mood all the time. Plus I can find a scale in public if I get desperate but idk I'm more relieved than anything.
[Rant/Rave] Rant/Rave: Shout out to Tornados
/u/Wigforfire
Created: Wed May 16 08:58:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jvkjf/rantrave_shout_out_to_tornados/
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No flair because my mobile is all I have atm.
Last night my town was hit by a tornado. We are trapped in the house because of downed power lines and downed trees and the only way to get anywhere is to walk! I’m in heaven! I’m walking to get myself a coffee as I write this out.
Also I live with my boyfriend and his family and since we have no power and we dont know when we will or when we’ll be able to leave we’re talking about rationing food. No one can make me eat if we cant cook.
Bring it power outage! I can last like this for weeks
[Rant/Rave] I had thyroid surgery.
/u/peoniesanddoubt
Created: Wed May 16 08:57:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jvk5f/i_had_thyroid_surgery/
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An actual real-life nightmare happened to me and I had to get half of my thyroid removed because of a 3cm benign nodule on one side. My thyroid was somehow functioning normally with the tumor, but as of last week- I am now hypothyroid. I gave myself a week of normalcy to recover from surgery. I feel decent now, the pain and general side effects of anesthesia are gone.
Mentally though, I’m in full blown panic mode. I’ve never felt so close to relapsing in my 10 years of recovery. I’ve had a handful of mini-relapses where I’ve purged a few times or not eaten for a few days, but this feels like it used to. I have a diagnosed slow metabolism now and I’m freaking the fuck out. It’s literally my biggest fear and it’s real. I know I should be thankful that the mass was benign (and I am), but all I can think about is how I’m going to get fat. It doesn’t help that my neck is swollen and I have a huge double chin because of it. I guess what I’m saying is I’m back.
[Discussion] Crazy energy today
/u/Yatessc
Created: Wed May 16 08:55:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jvjrn/crazy_energy_today/
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For the last week I've had no energy since I've been restricting but today when I woke up I have a ton of energy. The calories and type of food didn't change so I don't know what's up. I'm a little scared that I ate something that I shouldn't have to make me feel like this but I can't figure it out. I didn't even have my normal coffee this morning 😮
Does this just happen sometimes or what?
[Discussion] you know you have a problem when...
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Wed May 16 08:53:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jvj6b/you_know_you_have_a_problem_when/
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I think we all have these moments where we realize how fucked up our habits are, and for me, it's how I lie about my weight.
Not lowering the number, like a normal person with normal insecurities would, but constantly and consistently insisting i'm heavier than I actually am to concerned family/friends/curious bystanders.
It's terrible and painful and awkward for so many reasons, because I know they know i'm lying and i get this sense of wounded pride because i can't own up to what i often see as my only redeeming quality.
I find myself looking back nostalgically upon rounding 98lbs down to 90, when lately i'm stuffing my pockets with change in hospital rooms and lying through my teeth to the people I love about floating mid-eighties.
I was actually close to the 86 i've been saying i weigh for a while, but i couldn't keep up and i'm slipping back down, getting farther and farther from the truth.
[Help] How do i stop a binge cycle?
/u/uglydelicious
Created: Wed May 16 08:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jvcfv/how_do_i_stop_a_binge_cycle/
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it’s been about 4 solid days now of B&R. Been drinking a lot too. Wtf do i do to stop this? This rarely happens to me and I feel so shitty and just guilty. If I’m honest i should mention that I’ve been putting my body under so much scrutiny since i hit my GW last week and realized i still am not happy, which is maybe triggering this? How do i stop tho?
Feel like giving up
/u/HonestRaspberry
Created: Wed May 16 08:06:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jv6j6/feel_like_giving_up/
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I feel like everyday I try not to binge, I tell myself not to binge. I read the posts that tell me not to binge. I tell myself binging gives me horrible pain and guilt and is not worth it. Yet, I still went to buy a big pack of potato chips and a loaf of bread to binge. I feel like why do I try when I just can't break this horrible cycle of binging. I used to restrict easily and yet I am now stuck in this black hole of binging and becoming fatter and fatter.
[Other] tfw you binged but didn't gain
/u/excitedsprout
Created: Wed May 16 07:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jv2rk/tfw_you_binged_but_didnt_gain/
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i'm still a fat piece of garbage but i'd rather stay the same weight than gain any day!!! there was a brief moment of excitement when i saw that i didn't gain but it quickly went away in the memories of my binge last night...today is a new day
[Discussion] DAE just gain and lose the same 10 pounds?
/u/SpeckledBalloon
Created: Wed May 16 07:12:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8juspp/dae_just_gain_and_lose_the_same_10_pounds/
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I've never been overweight, I've never been underweight. My BMI is incredibly average.
In the times where I wasn't obsessed with food I could eat comfortably and stay between 115lbs - 120lbs.
In the times where I'm actively trying to lose I restrict and obsess and can get to 115lbs - 110lbs.
Then I don't know what happens. I fall off the wagon and binge too much and I'm back to the same old. This has been my life pretty much the last 10 years.
I don't mind being healthy, I actually prefer a fit body to a thin one. But I HATE my stomach fat and just wish I could break this cycle.
I can't tell if I lack discipline, if I'm body dysmorphic or if I'm just destined to have a 'pregnant ruler' body type forever. It feels like I've been stuck in one big plateau my whole life.
Can anyone relate? I feel like I've been settled in this weight for so long I'm permanently stuck here.
Scale Surprise
/u/eatdrinksmokegreen
Created: Wed May 16 06:33:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jujiv/scale_surprise/
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My boyfriend of 7 years (fiance of 10 days) left this little note for me to find on the scale this morning:
http://imgur.com/End9rQF
So sweet right? What am I doing with my life??? I hate myself so much. I am a selfish fuck and it's so unfair to my family. They deserve so much better. I'm really getting tired of all this... I'm 34 years old and have been dealing with disordered eating for almost 25 years now. Its not getting better. And everything around me is falling apart. I'm so sick of myself.
[Discussion] Soreness on back of legs (lower thighs)
/u/dotprinceton
Created: Wed May 16 06:29:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8juinp/soreness_on_back_of_legs_lower_thighs/
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It feels like the soreness I'd expect to experience after a hard workout, but I'm not working out at all recently. I took a long walk last Wednesday and expected a little soreness after that, but it's a week later...
Just wondering if this is something commonly experienced when restricting. This is my second go\-round with fully committing to restricting, and I don't remember this last time. However, I was working out A LOT last time and I'm doing nothing this time \-\- which someone makes me proud that I've managed to get down to my previous low weight without the "bonus" exercise deficit...but now I need to lose more weight to look as skinny as I did before \<sigh\>
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 16, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 16 06:13:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8juf2f/daily_food_diary_may_16_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 16, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday May 16, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 16 06:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8juese/way_to_go_wednesday_may_16_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for May 16, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
What happens if I open up to a psychiatrist about my ED?
/u/COOKIE_PRINCESS
Created: Wed May 16 05:45:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ju915/what_happens_if_i_open_up_to_a_psychiatrist_about/
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So I'm gonna be an adult in a few weeks and I also have a psychiatrist appointment coming up (UK NHS) and I want to know what will happen if I open up to them about my eating disorder?
I've always been very resistant to talk about my issues with the fear of being forced into taking steps that I am not comfortable with. I want help and I want to talk to people, but I don't want forced recovery or to be pressured into anything more than just talking.
What will happen? Can I choose to open up and then talk about it or not depending on whether I change my mind? Will having this on record potentially take away any freedoms or privacy I currently have? My ED is only one of many things I'm dealing with and whilst I recognise it's not a healthy coping mechanism it's honestly what is keeping me alive rn.
[Tip] Baby food
/u/mechantecerise
Created: Wed May 16 05:38:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ju7k8/baby_food/
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I've just recently decided to give baby meals a try so I bought two meals and each one is 220g and has only around 180 cals!! I hope they taste at least somewhat decent but we'll see.
But I can say that baby desserts and apple/fruit purees have become my go-to snacks or even meal replacements since they usually don't have any added sugars and are just low cal in general. Plus they are cheap and delicious!
Also I'd like to know if anyone else does this? If yes, do you have any recommondations or even favourites? And how do you explain it to your friends/families when they see you eating baby food? lol
Hopeless.
/u/rapidash14
Created: Wed May 16 05:15:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ju2tw/hopeless/
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It’s just a vicious cycle. Binge. Hate myself for eating. Feel so bad and empty constantly that food is the only thing that could make me feel good. Binge again.
DAE find it so much easier to fast when they’re travelling
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Wed May 16 04:00:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jtpnf/dae_find_it_so_much_easier_to_fast_when_theyre/
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https://i.redd.it/ezv8t2pvx6y01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Aaaand it’s started.
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Wed May 16 03:54:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jtosb/aaaand_its_started/
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So, as per my last post, my mum’s coming to stay with me for 3 weeks. She arrives on Friday evening, so she wants us to go out for some food that evening. I’m like, ok, I’ll have my safe day on Friday rather than Thursday this week, make sure we go to some kind of East Asian restaurant, get some tofu + veg dish as my OMAD and not get any carbs. Manageable. Maybe this won’t be so bad. But then she’s like ‘oh can you book this restaurant I’ve seen online for Sunday too? You could even order dessert there and it could be your cheat day :)’ (she thinks I’m just dieting safely) and I’m like in my head uh....... Friday is my cheat day........ we can’t do both....... and dessert??? that’s......... not ok
Plus my weight has plateaued and fluctuated around the same 2lbs for the past week even though I’ve been at a heavy deficit every single day and it’s like the worst fucking timing
I’m probably gonna say to her the restaurant was fully booked for this Sunday so we’ll have to go next week, I don’t really see what other choice I have
People over at /r/fasting mocking people for wanting to eat ...
/u/CoffeeBonez
Created: Wed May 16 03:38:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jtm11/people_over_at_rfasting_mocking_people_for/
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Sorry for no flair, I'm on mobile.
There was a post on the fasting sub, about people not being able to 'swallow' the idea that you 'don't need to eat every day'. Mocking people for getting annoyed that a meeting ran through their lunch break, and other stuff.
Idk about anyone else, but I can't fathom how someone can forget to eat. Like I the other day I mentioned to my boss I was gonna take my lunch, and he said 'oh yeah, oh I guess I forgot my lunch today' and he just went back to his work. I just marvelled at the idea that he didn't even realize he'd left his house without food for the day.
As a kid my mum would accuse me of 'always thinking about my stomach', especially on days out. If I got hungry and asked her where or when we were going to eat, she'd treat me with impatience.
Some people aren't okay with fasting. Some people can't do it. If I want to fast, I have to plan it out and time myself. I don't think I've ever just not eaten because I forgot. My main struggle with my weight loss has been trying to accept that I am hungry and can't eat any more because I'll go over my calorie limit.
On person on the post bragged that they hadn't eaten since a certain day, and they'd heard someone complain they hadn't eaten for two hours.
Idk this is a rant, I just think they were being assholes towards people who don't like to fast for 24+ hours.
TL;DR /r/fasting can be full of assholes sometimes
[Help] ELI5 - EC stacks??
/u/stillweighting
Created: Wed May 16 03:36:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jtllr/eli5_ec_stacks/
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Hey guys,
Sorry if this is a stupid question but I’m in need of a bit of help
I’ve seen a few posts about EC stacks but I have no idea what they are and why they’re important. I also did some googling but that’s not really helped
At the moment I’m restricting quite heavily and going to the gym pretty much every day so EC stacks may be something I need to think about?
Thanks in advance!
[Help] I'm freaking out... Please help
/u/ApricotJam90
Created: Wed May 16 03:35:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jtlk0/im_freaking_out_please_help/
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Apologies but this is just going to be a wall of text, I really just need to vent and hopefully get some advice if anyone reads this.
I moved away from my home town for the first time for an amazing job opportunity at the end of last year. It's been great but also really stressful - to summarise:
· I got a job that is like a proper career, that I got through a diversity apprenticeship (Basically they wanted more people from poor backgrounds). It's just so so different to my old job, and i have felt way out of my depth.
· I really miss my family and friends at home. I've felt super lonely and haven't really made any friends.
· I quit smoking after 10 years because it's really looked down on to smoke at this new job.
Basically these plus a bunch of smaller reasons have led me to rely heavily on binge eating for comfort, and then taking laxatives to stop feeling so awful the next day. I am so disgusted in myself that I could write a whole other post about it but I won't bore you with the details. Just know that in the ~6 months I've been away, I've gone from bmi 21 to 29.9. That's right, 0.1 away from being classed as obese. This is super depressing when you factor in the that I was at my 1st gw of 98lbs a year ago. But anyway.
I've managed to stop binging over the last few weeks, and in the last week I've started losing weight again, and as of today I'm 28.5 bmi. Which is still making me want to die but it's a start.
Now onto the problem(s). I have 9 days until i visit home again for the first time. I am SO STRESSED about everyone seeing me this huge that I've considered canceling the whole trip. But I miss everyone so much, and there's already a lot planned for when I'm back that I'd hate to miss out on. I'm supposed to be going out with some friends for a night out, one of which i told about my eating disorder when I was on ecstasy one time. Seriously that memory has always made me cringe but how much worse will it be when she sees me like this. I've put on so much weight in such a short space of time. I can't imagine what people are going to say/think.
Urgh. Not only that but I've literally JUST started to get back on track, I'm seriously terrified that being back home for 9 days is going to fuck everything up. We're staying at various people's houses so I don't know how I'm going to work out, there's already a few nights out planned and meals and a big family party for my sister's birthday. I know only I can choose to binge eat/drink and these are all just excuses, I'm just scared I won't have the will power and I'll ruin what little progress I've made so far.
If you've made it this far thank you. Please, if you have any advice/similar experiences please share, I really don't want to end up calling the whole trip off! :(
[Rant/Rave] Korean Dramas
/u/pineapplesf
Created: Wed May 16 03:12:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jti0t/korean_dramas/
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I recently decided to pick up Korean \(knowing nothing about Korea\) and for homework my language teacher assigned some Korean dramas. They make my body dysphoria and feelings of inadequacy flair up so bad. They look so amazing and when I look up their stats \(165 cm @ 40kg is a bmi of 14.6!\) I end up disgusted with my ugly, fat, useless slob of a body. I slowly enter a spiral until I'm eating \<1000 calories, working out for 5 hours, checking the mirror every 5 seconds to figure out if I've changed yet, and crying when I realize I haven't.
Anyone else experience the utter destructive force of the kdrama?
[Discussion] Cigerettes and ED's
/u/sad_gay_fuck
Created: Wed May 16 02:55:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jtfcf/cigerettes_and_eds/
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Hey, i started smoking a few years ago because i read that it curbs appetite and i was wondering if there was anyone else that started smoking because of their ED? I like smoking after i've purged because i'd rather smell of cigerettes then vomit y'know? I do want to quit smoking but i don't think i can until i recover if i ever do recover
Things you miss now that you lost weight?
/u/bunnywithbpd
Created: Wed May 16 02:45:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jtdsc/things_you_miss_now_that_you_lost_weight/
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I love my hipbones showing but DARN they are so uncomfortable when I sleep. They just press into the mattress and it gets irritating. When I was heavier they were nicely cushioned in my fat lol. As much I "despise" it. Its comforting to know there was some nice benefit to it and it seems less evil/distorting. Maybe we should list those small things that make us miss our fat even for a millisecond?
On mobile so...discussion?
[Rant/Rave] hitting rock bottom
/u/palespirit
Created: Wed May 16 02:12:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jt8vd/hitting_rock_bottom/
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y'all, I don't know what I'm hoping to accomplish by posting this, but I'm just feeling completely broken right now. I've been binging almost every day for 2 months and I'm exhausted from purging via exercise every single day. I feel like I don't have an identity outside of my ED, and I spend every waking moment thinking about how I'm going to undo last night's binge and prevent another one. Only a few months ago I was so good with restriction, and then I just completely lost it. I guess I just need some encouragement and happy thoughts right now. Things are hard and you guys are always so supportive. Sending love to anyone else who's dealing with something similar at the moment, I'm right there with you :\(
[Help] Dear Cis Male Anas
/u/anamadim
Created: Wed May 16 01:49:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jt5bz/dear_cis_male_anas/
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Do any of you think anorexia is worsening your hair? \(Assuming you have Male Pattern Baldness.\) I’m currently taking 10,000 micrograms of Biotin \(Vitamin B7\) daily, but I think I need to up my protein intake to around 100g a day. I’m currently averaging 35g to 40g, and I don't think that's enough to keep hair healthy? I'm not sure, though. I was underweight for years, and now I’m wondering if it had an effect on my hair. I mean, MPB runs in my family, but I’ve heard anorexia can make it worse?
This is the first time I’ve been a “healthy” weight in years, and now I’m losing weight again, so I don’t know how my hair would be like if I stayed at a “healthy weight” for any considerable period of time. It’d still recede most likely, just not as quickly as it would were I underweight again? I take medication for MPB, but I’m worried that with this relapse it’s going to negate the effects of it. I really hope that isn’t the case. I really fucking value my hair, probably more than I value being thin. I wouldn’t want to permanently lose my hair because I was underweight, if it is avoidable.
Hopefully if I continue to take this anti\-baldness medication, and I supplement with Biotin and my multivitamin/multimineral supplement, I can maintain my hairline and keep my hair healthy? I know some people lose hair from anorexia, but most of the time it’s women who lose hair, and it can grow back? I’m pretty sure their hairline doesn’t recede, but I think with men it's different? Ugh.
GW - What to do next?
/u/Throwaway17898753
Created: Wed May 16 01:28:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jt29g/gw_what_to_do_next/
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So my gw is 175. I was 176.4 and I had a minor freak out....what do I do when I hit 175? I feel I’ll go for 170 then 165 and so on...
What did you do when you hit your GW?
[Rant/Rave] ughhhh i messed up
/u/excitedsprout
Created: Wed May 16 00:29:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jssdt/ughhhh_i_messed_up/
---
i'm going to tag this as a rant bc it's a long post but i will also be asking for tips/suggestions at the end!!
i was doing so well the past couple of days, even including going out to eat on mother's day!! i mean it could have been better but getting away w a small cup of soup and a half a plate of food was way better than i had anticipated. i fasted all day yesterday and broke it with a granola bar. sounds good right? and i was fasting all day today!! i was going to break it with some hard boiled eggs (woo gotta get the tein on) but instead my boyfriend decides to order a calzone and cheese fries.....god i feel so fucking disgusting. i just hit my goal weight today and i just had to go and throw it away. i guess i say all of that to ask, what do you guys do to combat a binge? maybe certain workouts that you do or things that you read to make you feel better. i'm so at a loss right now. i just want to be able to make a plan and stick to it.
[Discussion] I am so broken.
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Wed May 16 00:17:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jsqbf/i_am_so_broken/
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I am at my highest weight ever. It seems like there is no brightness in my future. I hate myself I hate looking at myself. Every day I remember how much I hate how I look but every day I eat more. When will this stupid cycle end when will I lose again when will I have the motivation to go to the gym when will things be okay.
I’m really just broken right now and I need healthy encouraging words
Does anyone buy a lot of snacks, but not eat any of it?
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Tue May 15 23:59:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jsn9i/does_anyone_buy_a_lot_of_snacks_but_not_eat_any/
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Recently I’ve found myself buying snacks I really want. I normally don’t do this, but for some reason I’m doing it now. I’ll open it and leave it in my room either in arm’s reach or above me in the open cubby hole..thing..
Sometimes I have a few pieces. A few pieces depending on the snack is about 10-30 calories. Having a few pieces satisfy my cravings because I space it out. Most of the time I get upset with myself for eating or consuming anything with calories.
I don’t know why I do this. I find myself weak for giving in. I don’t know why I give in to buying them. Anyways. Does anyone else do this?
Reasons why I'll be wearing a thick sweater and big pants all summer long
/u/Grellous8
Created: Tue May 15 23:49:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jslo7/reasons_why_ill_be_wearing_a_thick_sweater_and/
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Bitch tits
Fat arms
Bloated, chunky belly
Stubby, pudgy legs
Chubby knees
Cankles (or fat deposits around my ankles)
Holy fuck I am a mess. I can't wait to be free of school FFS, but I'm also dreading this summer break because I don't know what to do with myself.
[Other] Biggest motivator to lose weight: even incels don't want to date me.
/u/ketometer
Created: Tue May 15 23:15:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jsfil/biggest_motivator_to_lose_weight_even_incels_dont/
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In that lovely internet subculture, I am what is known as a "land whale." :)
[Discussion] Anyone else on a never-ending binge?
/u/notworthausername
Created: Tue May 15 22:50:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jsayj/anyone_else_on_a_neverending_binge/
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The last never-ending binge I had was from 22-23, went from 125 to 150 in four months.
Then it’s been back and forth, never really above 142 and never really below 130 ever since... until I decided to start doing blow?!
Then I gained weight? Maybe it’s because I was drinking a lot too even tho I wasn’t eating?
I am hovering around 144-148 and I am fucking dying. None of my jeans fit bc I threw all my fat jeans away once I was consistently hitting 130-134.
This “binge” has lasted five fucking months.
I feel like a failure coming on here and reading your daily food posts on the thread...
PLUS I decided to go sober for a while after that last coke bender (from coke forever & alcohol for idk) and I’ve still eaten like crazy.
Kashi cereal & whole milk: ~300
Pineapple: ~150
Dolmas: ~150
Egg/cheese wrap: ~300
Broccoli & “ranch”: ~150
Half an apple: ~50
Popcorn: ~250
Ice-cream: ~250
“Healthy” no-bake cookies: ~200
Chicken breast / avocado / bread: ~500
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK
I ran two miles and did an hour of yoga but that doesn’t excuse any of this shitty behavior... at least I’m sober I fucking guess but I don’t know. Also I guess at all of those cals.
WHY AM I LIKE THIS
IT IS LIKE HUNGER DOES NOT EXIST
AND I AM ONLY FULL WHEN I AM STUFFED
ARE THERE ANY OF YOU OUT THERE WHO CAN RELATE?! I am dead. Also I hate this one stupid bitch on IG who is skinny af and posts pictures of her with McDonalds like fuck you, you didn’t eat that. (I say this with jealousy not hate.) 😩
So you're mad at me for taking you at your word?
/u/aimingforzero
Created: Tue May 15 22:19:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8js4ue/so_youre_mad_at_me_for_taking_you_at_your_word/
---
So maybe not directly ED related, but I think a lot of us will understand this feeling.
2 weeks ago:
Me to husband: hey, will you take the garbage out to the curb tonight since garbage day is in the morning?
Husband: sure! I'll do it before I go to bed (I go to bed at 9 and wake up at 5am, he goes to bed around midnight and wakes up around 8).
Me: alright, thanks :-)
Also me- 530 am next day, running late because I have to back my car out and haul out the trash (he's strong enough to pull it around, I'm not.)
1 week ago:
I get home at 2300 after a 16 hour shift, ready to pass out.
Me: babe, trash and recycling need to go out tonight. I'm not going to be up in the morning to do it- I'm exhausted. Will you please take it out?
Him: sure! Ill do it before I go to bed :-)
Me- wake up at 5am anyways because my pets don't care about my schedule lol. The cans are still by the garage, so I get frustrated and take out both garbage and recycling and go back to bed. Sounds of RUMPKE trucks punctuate my sleep.
Him, 9am: why'd you take the trash out? I told you i was going to do it! [Pan neighborhood full of emptied cans and think to myself "so...in time for next week?"]
Tonight:
Me, walking in from work: Will you please take the trash to the curb? I've done it every week this month (and this year, but who's counting?)
Him: No, I don't feel like it today [grins at me for some stupid reason]
Without a word I proceeded to empty all the trash in the house, bin it, and take it to the curb before even bothering to even sit down. This angers him.
Him: what the hell?!?! I WAS GOING TO DO IT.
Me, to myself: No, no you weren't. You were going to do what you always do and promise me something, break that promise, and then expect me to fix it, because you don't ACTUALLY care, you just want me to think you do... internal rant intensifies:
I admitted to you 3 frickin weeks in a row that I NEEDED YOUR HELP AND YOU IGNORED IT. Even worse, you didn't ignore it. You acknowledged it and then decided that it didn't matter. And now that you "jokingly" tell me no- you're offended that I took you seriously?! Dude...thanks for making it clear that I can't win.
Don't worry, I wont ask for help again. I'd hate for you to get your feelings hurt /s
PS- this isn't entirely about the trash lol
This documentary was so happy, and had such a good message about enjoying life while sick/suffering. Thought you guys might enjoy.
/u/sometimessadgirl
Created: Tue May 15 22:11:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8js39u/this_documentary_was_so_happy_and_had_such_a_good/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD_Fr3VAsYM
Not Quite ED Related But Since The Lot Of Us Are Coffee/Tea Lovers, LOOK AT MY NEW MUG!
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Tue May 15 22:02:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8js1c5/not_quite_ed_related_but_since_the_lot_of_us_are/
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http://imgur.com/a/WJl7Lud
Friend told me name of person I am going up against for a job interview, who I know, who is naturally thin and very confident. Want to die.
/u/guava_pastille
Created: Tue May 15 21:38:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jrwgq/friend_told_me_name_of_person_i_am_going_up/
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It’s like my worst nightmare coming true.
The friend who gave me this info even asked me if I was sure I wanted to know and of course I was like sure, why not? I felt very confident and thought she’d give me the name of someone vaguely familiar. Whoops.
She gave me the name of someone who, before I met them socially, I saw them and marked them as one of those people who, just by the way they carry themselves in a room, you can tell they have never been overweight, or think about weight ever, who breeze through life effortlessly because they were born with the proportions of a model? Oh and they also happen to be smart, well-known, creative and stylish?
When I heard her name my heart sunk to the bottom of the pit that is my self-esteem. Why, why the fuck did I do this!
And honestly the thing I keep telling myself is, statistically speaking thinner women make more money and get more career privilege. So I’m like, even if I perform well, even if they offer me the job, I’ll always think on some subconscious level they will still want her...
Fuck the patriarchy and the my sick mind for thinking these things. And even though I know I am blowing things way out of proportion, the fear and anxiety feel so close and real.
Data and correlations
/u/EDsince2000
Created: Tue May 15 21:13:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jrr1v/data_and_correlations/
---
First of all, SO MANY OF YOU were awesome and reached out to me after my last post- I hadn't logged into this account for a while but I replied to most people I think.
Secondly, I had a good stretch of sobriety (3 weeks) according to my app. I picked up a drink on April 6th. Then again on the 8th. Stayed sober during the work week, drank the next weekend. Same thing the next week. Then had a stressful Thursday and thought "eh, it's okay." But it wasnt- once I drank that Thursday it's been everyday since. Not anywhere close to previous levels, but everyday nonetheless.
We love data here though don't we? Well, looking at myfitnesspal, I stopped logging and tracking on the 1st- full 5 days before I decided to drink. I maintained my fit bit streaks out of a desire to not fully relapse, but myfitnesspal, that takes effort. It takes INTENTION.
To me, that means I had a five day window to realize I was checking out on myself. I wasn't motivated enough to LOG INTO AN APP, let alone maintain my sobriety. I have always been able to tell my relapses by gaps in my fit bit data, but that's always been in retrospect. This time I can actually see it in the making.
I'm not sure what to do with this info. Any ideas guys? It's a lot easier talking to you about addiction than addicts about eating disorders. I control my eating OR my drinking. Not both. Not yet :-(
TIFU by nearly passing out on an escalator
/u/sunaflare
Created: Tue May 15 20:39:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jrj6i/tifu_by_nearly_passing_out_on_an_escalator/
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I gave in and was going to buy food but when I was on the escalator, I felt really light headed and dizzy. Luckily no one was on the escalator with me but it was still kind of scary falling on an escalator going up.
I’m so conflicted. Mental health vs losing weight
/u/yellllowbird
Created: Tue May 15 20:35:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jri3y/im_so_conflicted_mental_health_vs_losing_weight/
---
Helllooo wonderful people. I’ve recently fallen down the rabbit hole again and am strugggling with some shitty self eestem and the urge to restrict. I’ve gained about 2kg/4lb which is killing me and I feel so gross all the time :(((
However last time I lost a lot of weight I have having A LOT of adhd stims to help me which basically made my appetite zero. I’ve recently been trying to have less vyvanse and dex because they fuck up my sleep pattern and my mood. But doing life and restricting without them is literally. So. Difficult. I really don’t think I have the willpower to lose weight without them.
Am I going to have to sacrifice some of my brain and mental wellbeing to reach my goals? Can constant stimulant use coexist with mental wellbeing? I’m so conflicted, if anyone has any advice or have been in a similar sit I’d love to hear ur thoughts. Xxxx
[Rant/Rave] I've been saved from pizza and cookies
/u/OrganicEggWhite
Created: Tue May 15 19:59:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jr998/ive_been_saved_from_pizza_and_cookies/
---
So I found out I have a gluten intolerance. Not too bad, just stomach aches, slight rash on my arms, feeling sluggish, etc. I've had a suspicion for a while and I finally tried getting rid of gluten.
And knowing I CAN'T have gluten rather than I SHOULDN'T makes everything so much easier. I've resisted pizza, pasta, pie, tacos, cookies, bread, cereal, and fast food. Carbs used to be my biggest binge and now I'm not even tempted.
I do have some gluten free treats but they're expensive so I don't binge on them.
Also I dropped like 5 pounds of bloat within the first day or two.
I feel so good. I'm really on track now.
[Rant/Rave] I just want pizza
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Tue May 15 18:55:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jqtg8/i_just_want_pizza/
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I hate caring about food this much, everything revolves around FOOD except I'm not eating it I'm just thinking about it ALL THE DAMN TIME.
This cycle of binge, restrict, binge, restrict, is so exhausting. It's like...I'm already bipolar, I don't need my eating habits to be bipolar too.
I miss manically making pizza and lasagne from scratch at 4am. I miss pizza so much dudes :( I just want to go out with friends and like...eat.
prom season can suck it
/u/strivin4perfection
Created: Tue May 15 18:55:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jqta2/prom_season_can_suck_it/
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long time lurker, but i love how supportive and kind this community consistently is. i don't have anyone to confide in and i wanna get this off my mind.
i bought my prom dress last week, but i didn't really like how it looked on. i was sort of "pressured" into buying it. it's just so tight on the stomach and every time i look in the mirror i want to cry because of how pudgy my stomach looks. at this point i don't even want to go because i don't want anyone to take pictures of me or look at me. furthermore, my date was originally going with this gorgeous girl who's in perfect shape, but they got in a fight so he asked me instead. i feel like i'm just disappointing.
time for a one way ticket to heavy restriction. hoping that making this account will keep me accountable. thank you all for accepting everyone into this community and making me feel like i'm not so crazy and alone all the time.
Jealous of children
/u/buffy-icecreamslayer
Created: Tue May 15 18:42:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jqq2k/jealous_of_children/
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It’s super normal to be jealous of how thin children are, right? No? Just me?
They’re just so tiny and have energy and actually seem happy. How!?!? Teach me your ways!
[Other] A Thank You Post
/u/-PM-ME-NICE-THINGS-
Created: Tue May 15 18:18:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jqjtv/a_thank_you_post/
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I have an appointment with a dietician tomorrow, one I requested.
I have a heart condition as it is, and my pursuit for the perfect health has ironically put me more at risk. I don't want to die.
I want to say thanks to everyone, you've all been so lovely to me 💖 so I'm going to cross my fingers and hope I'm well in time for college in September. I don't think I'd be here without your fabulous nihilism, sarcasm and dark humour.
I hope that to whoever is reading this, you too find peace with your body one day and learn to love yourself. You are just as deserving of happiness as everyone else is.
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel disgusting when they eat?
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Tue May 15 18:13:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jqigg/dae_feel_disgusting_when_they_eat/
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Lately whenever I eat anything I feel disgusting. It feels more like a mental thing to me. A voice inside calls me a pig and makes me feel like an absolute ball of fat. It’s awful. I try to fast/restrict whenever I can but I can’t help eating SOME unhealthy stuff.. I’ve been trying to cut out processed foods and just focus on eating whole healthy foods like fruits and veggies. But I still get that feeling of self disgust. DAE deal with this? What do you do?
[Discussion] Whats your favorite mono diet?
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Tue May 15 18:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jqfff/whats_your_favorite_mono_diet/
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I did an orange citrus/orange juice concentrate mono diet a really long time ago and it was honestly so good. I had energy, I didn't get tired of it for a week because there's actually quite a bit of variety in it as far as textures and I was feeling great on 500 Cal's a day. I'm think I may try it again but add banana? I feel like I could eat banana/orange juice posicles for a month and never get tired of it.
Or maybe apple because you can cook them for something hot and they can be spiced up.
I really need to clean up after this stupid long binge I've been on. I feel like shit
I've started tracking the calories I throw into the trash.
/u/chezbergerlocker
Created: Tue May 15 17:56:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jqeeu/ive_started_tracking_the_calories_i_throw_into/
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And boy is that trash bin quite the porker!
I always felt a pang of guilt when throwing away food, I was raised that way. All the people in the world who are starving collectively judge every gram of food that I dispose of. Not anymore.
I give away what I can. My buddy who complains that he can't gain weight just got my jar of roughly 6,000 calories of jellybeans. Let's see your fast metabolism burn that off, pal.
But the rest? Out it goes. I live with my SO, naturally this causes some friction, which I try to mitigate. Generally, I will throw out food at night under the guise of cleaning, and I *do* clean, just enough to sell it, I think.
I try to only throw out food that threatens me. I'll leave her naan bread and peanut butter alone, that shit's not even food to me anymore. But those pop tarts, the leftover Domino's, the 2L of sugary soda, and half bag of chips? Gone. If she asks, I ate it.
The last bag of trash I pulled had well over 10,000 calories, and I'm only getting more agressive.
With my guilt over trashing food gone, the hardest part now is the lying. Other day she asks me if I ate the half Subway sub in the fridge, I say yes, and then she tells me it was 3 days old. Fuck.
I can't keep fucking around like this, at some point I will have to break the truth to her somehow, but I don't even know what the truth is anymore.
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel totally overwhelmed by the idea of eating 1000+ calories
/u/sheache
Created: Tue May 15 17:53:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jqdtz/dae_feel_totally_overwhelmed_by_the_idea_of/
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I’m recently (last two months) relapsed after 8 years in recovery and I’m trying not to lose too quickly because there’s only so low I can go before I’m irresponsible (I have a son).
But this illness feeds itself and when I’m in a comfortable restricting mode I’m so irritated at the thought of eating 1000 calories. I DONT WANT ANYTHING.
But I’m only 2 pounds from underweight and I already lost 10.
I can’t mindlessly eat anymore. Gonna have to force feed myself and that’s a killer on my appetite.
[Other] pretty much lmao
/u/razzytrazza
Created: Tue May 15 17:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jqdpf/pretty_much_lmao/
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https://i.redd.it/o797qt1sx3y01.jpg
Binged for 3 weeks. Dont have a scale but its not looking too good.
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Tue May 15 17:51:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jqd7k/binged_for_3_weeks_dont_have_a_scale_but_its_not/
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I really hope it's just bloating from having a lot of food in me. Most of the day's I stayed at 1500 to 1700 which is below my supposed BMR but about two days out of each binge week I went absolutely crazy. 2500-4000. I just feel like shit. My biggest insecurity is my stomach and wide ribs and everything just feels so huge right now. I've never abused laxatives but I think I'm going to start. I graduate high school in 2 weeks and have a lot of things to do this summer and I can't spend half my savings on binge food and garbage. I just want to get back to 118.
[Help] do laxatives help you lose weight?
/u/very-fruitful
Created: Tue May 15 17:42:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jqb06/do_laxatives_help_you_lose_weight/
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I don’t want to hear all the fake scary stuff people tell others to make them not do it. I just want the truth. yes or no
I have to keep a food journal for a week for my nutrition class
/u/bklove1
Created: Tue May 15 17:34:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jq997/i_have_to_keep_a_food_journal_for_a_week_for_my/
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I have to do a week long diet analysis of what I eat... what am I supposed to put? 3 diet cokes and half a Kit Kat? I'll just make something up, but I'm cringing just thinking about writing that I eat that much food...
Massive cravings during a fast
/u/Awassya
Created: Tue May 15 17:23:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jq6ji/massive_cravings_during_a_fast/
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Hey everyone, this is my first time posting so I'm kinda skittish about it...
I've been struggling with bulimia for quite a long while and I've been going through a pretty difficult period these last few months. Gained a bunch of kilograms, took to purging twice a day (more if the day's been extra terrible) to try and keep things under control.
Now, I've decided to do something about the massive weight gain that doesn't include destroying my teeth and spending hours in the bathroom. I started a fast on Sunday, 21:00. It's Wednesday and I can't sleep because of the cravings I'm getting.
Any ideas what to do? I mean, is this even a good idea? Longest fast I've ever done was 50h long and I'm breaking that record, and I want to keep going. Thanks!
To anyone that didn't know, Bronkaid has a manufacturer's coupon :)
/u/bailymtillett
Created: Tue May 15 17:03:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jq1fi/to_anyone_that_didnt_know_bronkaid_has_a/
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http://bricks.coupons.com/StartNC.asp?o=133938&c=AQ&p=1eq5YIuR
Am I the only the one that's mildly suicidal?
/u/gasstationfantasy
Created: Tue May 15 16:39:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jpvhy/am_i_the_only_the_one_thats_mildly_suicidal/
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I wouldn't mind taking a stray bullet to the head when I reach my goal weight. I think about it a lot, and maybe I would intentionally end my life. That's when I would finally be at peace with myself . Losing weight is the only thing I'm good at, and I don't have much else going on in my life. Maybe I would die happily. Maybe I would still be depressed and lonely.
On the other hand I could also try to live my life as happily as I can and reap the benefits of being at my ideal weight, instead of giving of them up.
I feel conflicted because I'm so incredibly worthless that being skinny is practically my only life goal , what do I do when it's fulfilled?
Financially irresponsible? Hell yeah. But they're one of my only safe foods and they were on sale 2 for $3
/u/aeyemaiche
Created: Tue May 15 16:34:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jpu9q/financially_irresponsible_hell_yeah_but_theyre/
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https://imgur.com/a/m05aPLi
[Rant/Rave] Costume fittings
/u/shiveryourselfskinny
Created: Tue May 15 16:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jptyj/costume_fittings/
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Okay so I weighed around 30lbs more a few months ago when they measured me for a costume (I do a lot of theater), but today the had me try on costumes based on the same measurements they had previously gotten. The whole time everyone kept saying how the costumes were swamping me until finally they had to remeasure me for everything. I mean yes now theyll have to find all new costumes, but it was just a huge confidence booster to not fit into all the clothing that would've fit me a few months ago!
[Help] My mom is sus as hell someone help me
/u/onlysaysNOO
Created: Tue May 15 16:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jpss4/my_mom_is_sus_as_hell_someone_help_me/
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My mom has started texting me today about how she's "worried" about me and my diet, even though I pretty much only eat in her presence and so on, and I've been small my whole life so I don't know what is up her ass. We don't have a very good relationship so it's not really like... okay with me for her to start prying like this.
Idk how to really like. Deal with this situation. I'm so uncomfortable with her prying. I'm 21 first of all so don't.
[Discussion] DAE go on /shittyfoodporn ?
/u/excitedsprout
Created: Tue May 15 16:27:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jpsjn/dae_go_on_shittyfoodporn/
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i looooove going on that subreddit to curb hunger lol it all looks so fuckin gross i just saw frozen burritos with a whole bag of shredded cheese on top (that was obviously microwaved) and i fuckin gagged. welp, there goes my appetite!
DAE Know how to deflect weight loss comments ?
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Tue May 15 16:19:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jpqhr/dae_know_how_to_deflect_weight_loss_comments/
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Every time someone brings it up now (which is usually during bloated/pms) , all I want to say now is my plans for loosing more weight but obviously I can't at this point without getting shot down or question about it or just a dumb remark. At this point the weight loss comments just remind me of how huge I was & why I need to keep restricting. It sucks. I've done some of it "healthy" and more of it in the not good way. I just need a way to reply without being rude.
[Discussion] weird cravings
/u/cooldad2006
Created: Tue May 15 16:09:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jpnt0/weird_cravings/
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DAE just fucking eat salt (my faves are lemon/lime flavored) out of a desperate need for flavor and then cry about bloating lmao
DAE think about how much money they would have if they never binged?
/u/habeas-corpses
Created: Tue May 15 15:58:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jpkuw/dae_think_about_how_much_money_they_would_have_if/
---
I think about this constantly. Shit's robbing me blind.
[Rant/Rave] I've been lurking for a while, and I need to vent
/u/Dim_Lighthouse
Created: Tue May 15 15:55:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jpk4z/ive_been_lurking_for_a_while_and_i_need_to_vent/
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\(Hi, by the way, I'm Ali. My boyfriend & sisters know my regular reddit username but they don't know I've relapsed \[yay me...\] so I made an alt.\)
Anyway here's the rant:
I've actually been good this time.
Like, I've actually, for real, been good this time. No binges! No loss of willpower!
I haven't had more than 800 calories a day for more than two weeks now and I honestly feel great about it. Most days I've had less than 550, and all the days I've had more than 550, I've worked out to bring down the deficit. I've even had a couple really successful 36\-72 hour fasts. I love the feeling of an empty stomach. I should be feeling great. BUT...
I don't notice ANY change. At all. I look in the mirror and I'm grossed out as usual.
I don't have my scale with me \(away from home for a bit\) and I'm too afraid to get on it anyway so maybe I have lost some, and I know two weeks isn't that long, but I keep seeing these thinspo/omad posts where people have noticeable change after just 10 days or whatever and I'm like WHY NOT ME????
I know there are explanations but I'm mostly just frustrated as I can't tell if it's some Classic Dysmorphia Shit™ or just me being trash as usual
[Rant/Rave] I need to lose weight for somebody I love, but I just can't stop eating or drinking!
/u/BluxDaiz
Created: Tue May 15 15:32:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jpdwi/i_need_to_lose_weight_for_somebody_i_love_but_i/
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Okay, so there's a guy and I've had a really long and complicated relationship with him. Since we were teenagers he had told me I was perfect and he loves me, I just needed to lose a little bit of weight. Well he broke my heart, I started drinking a ton, and gained about 35 pounds. When I left high school I weighed about 200 pounds. Kept drinking, eating fast food. Add about 10 more pounds. It was disgusting. I went through a lot of things in a few years and we had stopped talking when he got another girlfriend (a mutual friend of ours, skinny). We went through our own things (drugs, fights, etc).
Now, we're still young about twenties. I moved away from my hometown. Stopped drinking and drugging for a bit, counting calories. Got back down to 170, which is still a lot but I'm working. I've been maintaining. Trying to keep losing but I just can't stop eating! I can literally only maintain, plus I started drinking again! I hear he happened to move to the same city as me. We started talking again. We hang out as friends. Then, he kinda starts like coming on to me. We sleep together and it was just amazing.
I just can't think that's all it is! He says he loves me, checks up on me. I know, deep down, if I lost the weight he wouldn't hesitate to make me his girlfriend. He feels my bones (well ones that are there) when we're together. I know it's what he wants. I just can't. I try keeping below 1200. I'm just stuck. I want to be thin so bad. It's like life is waiting for me to get there. I just won't eat, then later I binge. Or crazy things! Aghhh! I can't help myself I feel like a monster! An ugly one at that!
I just wanna fast so in six weeks I can invite him to a water park and have fun. Just show him that I'm at a better place physically! I want it to work so bad! Even if it doesn't, at least I'll look better! I just need help. Somebody to push me. Not to eat. To stay in control. It's like all or nothing with me. Aghhh I've done it before why can't I just get further!?
Hate eating under stress!!
/u/caithaa
Created: Tue May 15 15:18:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jp9yf/hate_eating_under_stress/
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Gotta love finals week! Just ate two mini bread loaves I'd gotten for the whole week with sriracha and ricotta cheese. I was not hungry.
I HAVEN'T been hungry the whole day, yet still hate ate 2000+ calories THANKS BODY thanks COPING MECHANISMS I HATE FINALS.
[Help] this sounds really shitty, but i need advice on lying to my boyfriend
/u/kkielle
Created: Tue May 15 14:44:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jp01d/this_sounds_really_shitty_but_i_need_advice_on/
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we’ve been dating for over a year now and he’s never really questioned my eating habits before but recently he has started doing so and boy let me tell you how fucking bad i am at lying. he’ll ask me what i’ve eaten throughout the day and i’ll give myself this little pathetic pep talk in my head as if i could get away with it. but once i open my stupid mouth i can’t help but laugh uncomfortably and stutter a bunch about how “i don’t remember but i definitely did eat”. he can see straight through my bullshit and idk what to do
[Discussion] Who here does keto?
/u/sagittorius
Created: Tue May 15 14:35:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8joxm6/who_here_does_keto/
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I have a friend who won’t stop raving about it. Does it only work for people who are seriously overweight? How do you keep from feeling light-headed and dizzy?
I’m looking for recommendations/tips.
[Help] What to eat when I break my fast
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Tue May 15 14:08:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8joq02/what_to_eat_when_i_break_my_fast/
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So I am planning on breaking my fast either tonight or tomorrow night. So either at 48 hours or 72.
I am wondering what I should eat and how many calories I should allow myself. I always end up bingeing and I am determined not to so I want to plan out what I’ll eat and I also want to to be something I can look forward to. I know I should eat something light but I usually never get sick after breaking a fast.
What I’ve been thinking about is this taco skillet thing they have at Whole Foods, which I think is 490 for the whole thing (its frozen and has multiple servings which prob might be too much food but eating makes me depressed if I don’t think it will fill me up so I want a lot of food lol) and then I was thinking about a pint of halo top or enlightened bc I always want something sweet and that usually is filling. So that would be 850 cals, and I was possibly going to find a low cal bag of tortilla chips to go with the taco skillet.
So around 1000 cals. I would like to go less but I am worried about not getting full enough or wanting to binge more, and I also want to go back to fasting the next day soooo I know I should be eating something substantial.
What do you guys think? I see broth and eggs a lot to break a fast but I want something I can be excited about eating
[Goal] Goals to restrict towards
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Tue May 15 13:58:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jomxf/goals_to_restrict_towards/
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This probably sounds like the silliest thing ever, but my goal since FOREVER has been to be able to buy the striped tilden pants from Brandy Melville. Im in a part of the UK that has none of their stores, and I feel I’ll soon be able to fit them but I’m scared to order online incase they don’t fit. Sooooo better restrict until I finally feel thin enough to fit one size fits all trousers.
(Also hiiiiiiiii this is my first time posting! Lurked on this sub for so long and I feel a lil giddy finally posting.)
[Help] Is this normal?
/u/cisheterpatriarchy
Created: Tue May 15 13:24:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jod5u/is_this_normal/
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I've been restricting at 500 cals for 2 days and today i've got this kind of sharp pain in my upper abdominal that feels like a hole is being burned into my stomach. I didn't get this when I was fasting, I've been drinking enough water. What should I do? I've also got muscle pains in my legs and it just hurts a lot.
(i know the obvious answer would be to eat, I did eat a banana and the pain has only gotten sharper since)
[Discussion] DAE accidentally do body checks on their boyfriend/SO?
/u/isforthewayyoulook
Created: Tue May 15 13:19:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jobqu/dae_accidentally_do_body_checks_on_their/
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lol omg ooops
I keep doing it accidentally
why am I like this
I'll eat the Korean spicy noodles because it's so spicy that I end up drinking a gallon of water
/u/orangecrustygoop
Created: Tue May 15 13:16:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8joaxk/ill_eat_the_korean_spicy_noodles_because_its_so/
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I can handle spicy food but the Korean spicy noodles is a little bit too spicy for me. I end up drinking so much water afterwards that I'm full for the rest of the day. It's 530 calories.
Does anyone do similar?
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] It's 77 degrees in my apartment and I'm still cold. Can't wait for summer!
/u/pailblusea
Created: Tue May 15 13:14:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8joabm/rantrave_its_77_degrees_in_my_apartment_and_im/
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On mobile, can't flair.
Or 25 degrees Celsius.
I am ready for summer for the first time ever though not crazy about the gigantic bugs that come out. I put the heater on in my car still. I remember the days it'd be 92 degrees outside (like it is today) and even at 67 degrees in my home with the a/c on full blast I was sweating.
What temperature is it in your home?
Soooooooo cold right now.
[Goal] No more.
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs
Created: Tue May 15 13:11:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jo9gk/no_more/
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I need to make steps towards trying to be healthy and moderate in my approach towards food. This binge/restrict cycle is just making me fatter and sadder.
From this point on, I am not going to try and fit everything under a specific number. I know that it just psychs me out. I will no longer be posting my intakes and calorie burns to a secret blog. It's already in MyFitnessPal and Fitbit, I can look at it if I want.
Instead, I will count it a win if I eat below maintenance/at a deficit, because that means that even though I am losing weight slowly, I am still losing weight - which I can't do if I am constantly restricting and bingeing.
This means that I will get there someday. As opposed to reaching a new goal weight for a second and ballooning back up and having issues with food forever.
I want to start having kids when I finish my degree. If I want to be a mother I need to have a good relationship with food and my body so I can pass that on to my kids. If I can't take care of myself and be kind to myself, how can I be a good mother? I want to have a level of maturity and normalcy where I feel ready to step into that next phase of my life.
No more secret blog, no more thinspo. I cannot let my eating disorder be at the core of my identity. Aside from tracking what I eat and how much I exercise in a normal and moderate way, food cannot be front and center in my priorities. I need to make room for better things in my life.
[Rant/Rave] I'm an Idiot. I Ruin All Progress
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Tue May 15 12:56:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jo4sr/im_an_idiot_i_ruin_all_progress/
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Ok, so I dont know if any of you have ever gone through this or something similar, but I feel really embarrassed and messed up. (Btw I am sorry I don't have stats up, I can only use mobile) Anyway, I'm pmsing right now and whenever that happens I feel like I cant stop eating and I always end up bingeing.
Last night, between 6pm and midnight, I probably ate over 3,000 calories. Before then, I had only tracked 700 and planned on stopping. I dont know why this always happens, but a few times a week I always binge and end up not tracking anything anyway. The other four or five days I restrict. I'm so stupid.
What ended up happening last night was that after I binged, I felt so guilty and uncomfortable that I purged most of what I had eaten. I immediately felt better. But. BUT. LIKE AN IDIOT I ENDED UP BINGEING AGAIN AN HOUR AFTER AND I DIDNT EVEN PURGE A SECOND TIME SO I BASICALLY JUST RE-ATE ALL THE CALORIES.
I woke up this morning and I'm up 3 lbs. I feel disgusting. Also, I'm about to visit my mother who will probably want to go out to lunch. Great. I'll never reach my goal. I've been stuck at the same fucking weight since November and ITS MAY.
[Other] Experiences with Propranolol or other beta-blockers?
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Tue May 15 12:22:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jnum2/experiences_with_propranolol_or_other_betablockers/
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I was prescribed 20\-40mg propranolol to take for anxiety occasionally, last year. I never really touched it much though due to being so scared of gaining weight on it, however at the moment my hormones are so fucked that I'm binging and anxious for around two weeks and eat next to nothing the next two. At the moment, I'm binging hard.
I considered today though if a dose of propranolol may help me end the cycle. My foolproof way of ending binge cycles so far has just been clearing out my system with lax and smoking for a day to kill my appetite. Starting fresh. But this is also really taxing and leaves me feeling drained the next day, I still feel hunger it's just easier to ignore.
So, beta blockers. Can anyone tell me how they've found dosing with them whilst having an ED. Thanks, guys. \<3
Stats have changed but problems remain.
/u/eatdrinksmokegreen
Created: Tue May 15 12:20:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jnu49/stats_have_changed_but_problems_remain/
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Restriction had been going well... less than 800 per day for almost 8 days... then I was hit by PMS... it's hard to control the urge to.binge during this time of the month so I've been purging like crazy :( thankfully the weight loss from my restriction hasn't been affected by this b/p cycle (yet) which seems to be winding down.
I'm underweight again.. something jve been striving for all along (i feel any docs and therapists would ake me more seriously that way) The number should make me happy... So much closer to the goal.. of? I don't know anymore.
My job is cool. My kids are great. My house is my own art project. My yoga skills are insane. My boyfriend of 7 years proposed at an art and music festival last weekend. My weight is going down.
And yet. I'm so unhappy. I'm a miserable black hole filled with toxic shards of dream slashing emptiness. Stressing about food and weight gain every second of everyday is taking a toll on me. I'm so sick of it. I'm so sick of myself.
I get to change my stats today though :)
I've been loving this girl's channel. She's going through recovery in a really honest, intense way.
/u/zaboomafu
Created: Tue May 15 12:07:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jnq86/ive_been_loving_this_girls_channel_shes_going/
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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1NRnbGlAob6tl4tVOF-iLw
[Rant/Rave] Food chains posting calories....
/u/Roseemacculate02
Created: Tue May 15 11:59:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jnnx2/food_chains_posting_calories/
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I heard about this, last night I experienced it. I thought I'd like it but I was out for dinner with my parents and everything on the menu was 500-1300calories! I was panicking, I also couldn't just not eat in front of them. Ugh, I got a 530 cal salmon and it was fine, I only had 250 that day but STILL. It almost terrifies me how much calories people eat sometimes, like even the salads were 400-600 cals!
Anyway, ya'll be careful out there, I'm sure allot of people will be triggered by this
2 wonderful things happened today!
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Tue May 15 11:53:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jnmao/2_wonderful_things_happened_today/
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Thank you ladies (and gentlemen) for letting me share. We all want to share good news about our umm "diets" but can't do it in real life So having you guys is really wonderful.
So good thing #1: I have been restricting to 250 this past week plus exercise. I have been so weak and I finally went and got junk food (so I could use drive thru & not walk and faint). I just read Brain over Binge and guess what? I didn't binge. I ate a TON (2500 calories) but it was over 4 hours because i couldn't stomach it and only kept eating because i still felt so weak and was scared. I didn't WANT to.
#2: ok so I hadn't weighed myself in a week because my scale broke the day after I ordered a new one. Well, the scale arrived after my binge. I weighed myself anyway. I'm down 8lbs wtf. It all paid off. Hopefully even more in the AM.
[Discussion] has anyone tried capsaicin supplements to help boost metabolism?
/u/Matryoshka-Doll
Created: Tue May 15 11:34:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jngrw/has_anyone_tried_capsaicin_supplements_to_help/
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i was jw if it could actually help. i have pcos so my metabolism is kinda fucked, but i love spicy foods and noticed a small change in metabolic rate when id eat them. but im fasting rn and wanted to know if anyone else has tried it and if so did it work well?
i know it probably wont make too much of a difference but anything helps at this point.
[Rant/Rave] Self confidence is in the toilet and I have an ED intake appointment
/u/quinoaslut
Created: Tue May 15 11:33:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jngn0/self_confidence_is_in_the_toilet_and_i_have_an_ed/
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I’m literally 10/10 stressed rn and just wanna curl up in a hole and die. I applied to transfer to an ivy and found out this morning I didn’t get in. Even thought I expected it it still hurts. My skins been breaking out like crazy too and I just feel stupid and ugly right now like I can’t look in a mirror. I’m also just dealing with a lot of stress of coming home from college because I have no money and need to work but I can’t rn because I’m sharing a car with my brother who’s still in school and my dad keeps flaking on me to come help me look at used cars or teach me to drive our extra standard like I’m not even trying to starve myself there’s just no food in the house. I haven’t had a vegetable in days and I’m a fucking vegan.
On top of that my psychiatrist referred me to an ED evaluation place and they start off with a twice a week appointment schedule and like I can’t even get to work how do you expect me to commit to that. I’m also scared they’re gonna be like you don’t have an eating disorder. I just want to quit all my responsibilities because I feel alone and helpless and stranded. I don’t even have a car to go look at cars. And I’m in the middle of nowhere about 40 min from anywhere and there’s no such thing as Uber in my area/state yet.
I’m just fucking miserable and stressed so to cope I j took some bronkaid and I’m gonna try to clean my room and unpack everything because the mess is making me more depressed.
purging has gotten so easy.
/u/beluga_fail
Created: Tue May 15 11:27:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jnewt/purging_has_gotten_so_easy/
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it only takes me a couple minutes now. wipe off my mouth, scrub my hands until they're raw, and have an anxiety attack over having to flush the toilet - can't be noticed, can't go to inpatient, can't be forced to eat.
I can tell I'm going down a bad path. my teeth ache whenever I have something sweet, too cold, or too hot. I can feel how damaged they are just by touching my tongue to the back of my front teeth. my dentist is going to fucking kill me, and then my parents.
it shouldn't make me happy, but it does. I've gotten into a rhythm of purging my breakfast, skimping on lunch, and then having a small dinner that I usually purge because I end up binging.
I shouldn't be satisfied when my stomach's aching by midday because I'm so hungry. I shouldn't have to hide a smile when my fingers are shaking and cold. I shouldn't dream of slicing a knife over my tongue so I can't eat anything for a while.
but I am.
[TW Suicide Idealation] That Time Some Guy I Went To High School With Told Me To Kill Myself On Snapchat
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Tue May 15 11:10:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jna0u/tw_suicide_idealation_that_time_some_guy_i_went/
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I am a huge troll coping POS. I will post all these depressing memes and the only outlet I used to have was Snapchat. I didn't have more than a few friends on it and they knew I was just doing what I normally do. Browse r/me_irl and post really depressing memes. It was kind of my norm but I could really see how that could get exhausting really fast. I honestly didn't realize anyone viewed my snaps anyway.
Weeelllppp I was wrong and some dude I went to HS with that I didn't even know was on my Snapchat sent me a long tangent about if I'm so depressed then why don't I just commit suicide then? And I was such a coward that I just sent him "lol" instead of teaming him a new one.
He told me that he was an EMT and he's seen such horrible things and how I have no reason to be depressed and other people have it way worse and I should be thankful. Having never actually PERSONALLY known me, he just knew my life was too good to wanna commit. No no, it's not like...as an EMT... you should *know* depression is a chemical imbalance and not to invalidate someone's mental illness.
So there was that. I felt bad bc I realized I was spamming pretty depressing things and it was getting darker and darker as a spiralled more into depression. I didn't wanna seek help, I just wanted to post memes. But I deleted my Snapchat after that and now my only form of social media is Reddit which is fine by me. But my ED has gotten worse in turn, which is also fine by me.
TL;DR: Don't post memes from me_irl on your snapchat. You will set off red flags and in turn, some dude who barely knows you will then tell you to kill yourself because you're being too depressing.
Do you guys ever gain weight bc of your period or am I just fat?
/u/MiauMiau1919
Created: Tue May 15 10:48:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jn3eh/do_you_guys_ever_gain_weight_bc_of_your_period_or/
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In the last month I've apparently gained **SIX POUNDS** and counting, and I LOOK so much fatter. I'm hoping it's just some kind of insane period bloating, because I feel like it came on REALLY suddenly.
I Binged All Weekend and Then Binged Yesterday and My Stomach Is Upset
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Tue May 15 10:41:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jn1b9/i_binged_all_weekend_and_then_binged_yesterday/
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It is not worth the misery I am experiencing rn. I'm like 12 kinds of sick to my stomach. To make matters worse, my allergies are so bad that my eyes are swollen and burning and my makeup is just running down my face and I'm just a hot mess at work. This fucking sucks. Binging sucks, allergies suck, fuuuuccckkk!
Planned parenthood nurse called me overweight
/u/Darthvaderr13
Created: Tue May 15 09:57:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jmoly/planned_parenthood_nurse_called_me_overweight/
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I just lost 20 pounds I’m now 140 I was doing so good. I started to think I was looking skinnier. I went to get my depo shot at planned parenthood and the nurse told me how I’m overweight and I need to start walking three times a week and lay off the comfort food. Little does she know I’m exercising for two hours everyday and I barely eat. At least this is some motivation but it just hurts.
Mum's coming to stay with me for 3 weeks. So fucking anxious.
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Tue May 15 09:53:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jmnl4/mums_coming_to_stay_with_me_for_3_weeks_so/
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- she might notice that I’m barely eating. probs not because I’m likely to be out the flat a lot to go to the library due to imminent MA coursework deadlines, and she has irregular sleeping habits, but it’s still a risk especially given that she'll notice that I've lost 32+ lbs since she last saw me
- she’ll want me to make her food whilst I’m making myself food. which is bad because (a) the things I make for myself are too low cal to sustain a person who is as easily made ill as she is (her health is ok at the moment but has been bad in the past), and (b) creating 2 portions in one larger batch and then splitting it creates too much of a degree of error for how many calories I’m eating, so I’ll have to make 2 separate portions from scratch, doubling the amount of time it takes me to make food which is just generally pretty inconvenient and I’m likely to get irritated when she does ask me to do that bc I’m a shitty person
- she will think I’m being unreasonable for being possessive over certain food items in the apartment. i.e. I’ll be extremely annoyed if she eats my cauliflower, or my low-cal/high-fibre brownie bars, or my cottage cheese, or my miso soup. she’ll probs just be like ‘but you can just buy more!’ except a) I might have planned to eat that today and now it’s either gone or the measurements are tainted for how many servings/days I planned it to last me, and b) I do online grocery shops that have to cost over £40 so I can’t ‘get more’ until we’re basically out of food in the flat. like this is even something I’ve had semi-arguments over with my SO. like, if you think that an item may be bought in because it’s a low cal version of something/one of my safe foods, and you can easily go to the shop to buy a normal version of that item (or ask me to) then don’t eat my shit
- she’ll want to order takeout for us or go to restaurants sometimes on days that aren’t my safe day, in all likelihood (and even my safe days aren’t safe enough to allow takeout or restaurant levels of calories)
and the thing is if I get too visibly stressed about any of that stuff she might be let on to the fact that my ED is bad again. currently, because she hasn’t seen me since Christmas, she knows I’m trying to lose weight but thinks I’m ‘doing it the healthy way this time’. she gets really overly sensitive about stuff too, so if my speaking tone's slightly off one day due to restriction-related irritability, it'll turn into a massive thing
I love her but I honestly kind of wish she wasn't coming because of all that
[Rant/Rave] I have lost so much weight yet I look exactly the same. (Huge incomprehensible rant)
/u/idontevenliketeatbh
Created: Tue May 15 09:46:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jmlk1/i_have_lost_so_much_weight_yet_i_look_exactly_the/
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I know it's probably mild bdd but shit dude. I went from 2x, pushing 3x to M/L; 38i bra to 34g; even size 9 shoe to 8.5. Yet I look in the mirror and do not feel better at all. It doesn't help that I've always hated my arms and they refuse to budge their size. (only have lost 0.5in in each wtf) I look saggy and gross(er). Bring pregnant didn't help but I didn't think I would look this fucking bad. I worked so hard to look worse like wtf. I'm still going to lose the rest but it's like I have 0 hope of looking good ever now. Does/did anyone else have awful stretch marks? Did they ever get better? Goddddd kill me.
Nausea from taking vitamins without food?
/u/flyleafet9
Created: Tue May 15 09:26:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jmfwu/nausea_from_taking_vitamins_without_food/
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I've been experiencing nausea when I take my vitamins in the morning before eating. I'm trying to get back on track with restricting and fasting, so I'd prefer to not have to take them with food.
Does anyone else experience this? Any advice?
[Discussion] Is anyone else self-conscious of their shoe size?
/u/kanthinkofone
Created: Tue May 15 09:10:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jmbbv/is_anyone_else_selfconscious_of_their_shoe_size/
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Possible trigger warning - I just need to vent about a recent suicide attempt (very long and rambly)
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Tue May 15 09:03:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jm9iu/possible_trigger_warning_i_just_need_to_vent/
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I'll spare you the details of what happened exactly but I've been really depressed lately trying to accept the fact that both my parents were abusive towards me growing up. I ended up overdosing on some things and thankfully my SO found me and was able to get me to a hospital on time. Long story short my heart rate was in the low 20's and I had to be monitored for a few nights. I'm okay now other than some breathing difficulty and fatigue. I feel pretty ashamed and shitty but this whole situation made me realize that even though my parents are assholes who don't seem to care much, I have a group of people who are there for me and support me. The image of my SO crying and panicking when he found me will forever be imprinted in my mind. I've never seen my brother visibly upset before until recently. My sister made an effort to visit me every day even though she has a baby at home. And my SO and his mom oh my god... they were so unbelievably supportive and involved the whole time. They brought me food every day to make sure I was eating enough. They reassured me that what happened was okay and that it doesn't change their view on me, and that they'll help me get help and recover. I'm not used to this you guys. Growing up I was always shamed for my depression. My mom hit me when I told her I was depressed. She ignored my eating disorder. My dad couldn't care less, his problems were always more important. I'm just shocked that everyone is taking me seriously. I feel very validated and I actually want to get better, or at least try because now I feel like I have bigger motivation.
Ok I also need to vent about the whole hospital experience in general. I have NEVER retained so much water in my life. I was bed bound for a good 48 hours and I guess it was a combo of barely moving, not having pooped in a week, too much fluid from the IV \+ too little sodium \(I was in the cardio unit so everything is super low sodium up there\) and really low blood pressure but I was still seriously convinced I was getting fat because I was comfort eating trigger foods and snacking on all the non hospital food I could find. My feet, hands, legs, and mid section were HUGE. They're a bit better now but I'm in awe about how big I could actually get. I need to keep telling myself that it's just water and that I couldn't have gained that much in a few days. All the extra calories probably went to repairing my tissue anyway so I need to calm tf down.
Also I need to talk about this bitch who came to see me from psychiatry. Thankfully psyc wasn't too involved because I'm already being taken care of by another eating disorder program so I didn't need to worry about forced inpatient or whatever. Anyway she asked me for my height/weight, and calculated my bmi in front of me as if it was no big deal, and told me that its not low enough to be accepted into ED inpatient in the hospital I was staying in even though I told her I was already in an ED treatment clinic. Huuuge trigger, I felt like crying right then and there. But wait there's more. She essentially told me my depression will be cured once I'm weight restored and that I need to gain 20lbs. She kept eyeing up my body which made me super uncomfortable and self conscious. Also she asked me to describe my parents abuse in detail. It sucked. I was thinking of complaining to the hospital staff but I was so exhausted at that point and just wanted to go home.
Oh and also I just wanted to mention that my nurses were super kind and made everything so much more bearable. One nurse called me "so little and cute" and kept urging me to drink apple juice and eat toast which was really sweet. I thought that I would get judged for being an OD patient but I wasn't at all. On my discharge day all my nurses were commenting on how I looked so much better and they were happy I was going home. So yeah. I'm home now and super relieved.
[Discussion] Any vegans/vegetarians?
/u/gasstationfantasy
Created: Tue May 15 08:59:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jm8c2/any_vegansvegetarians/
---
I've been a vegetarian for a little bit over a year now, and I find that it's an incredible excuse to not eat out and restrict food. Restraunts aren't an option anymore because it's hard to find restraunts that serve vegetarian options. Where I live it's pretty abnormal to not have meat in your meal. (High calorie and fat filled foods are super common here though). I also can't make as many meals as I used to. So basically I'm forced to stay at home and eat an apple. It takes a lot of options off the table( mainly because I don't eat anything with dairy), but at least it's less temptation.
My disgusting weight gain
/u/_hah_no
Created: Tue May 15 08:41:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jm3ap/my_disgusting_weight_gain/
---
I've put on 15 pounds in the last 10 weeks. ***Fifteen*** pounds. I can make plenty of excuses (different scales, had fluids before the second measure, some of it is muscle), but let's be real here. It's my stupid fat binging face that did it. I've made my diet squeaky clean to get away from purging, but that hasn't stopped me from overeating healthy food. God, I can't _believe_ myself.
I keep working out more and more, but then eating more so I feel strong enough to keep working out. I knew I was eating too much but kept lying to myself that it would all balance out in the long term, listen to your body, intuitive horse crap, etc. I'm so _angry_ with myself right now.
Something about that 15 number flipped a switch. I wasn't happy with my body before, but now I'm disgusted and can't stand being in my own skin. My own fat body is making it hard to emotionally escape into my workouts. I can't stand it at all.
At least I managed not to overeat yesterday, ran a small, healthy, normal person deficit. I started IFing it again, 9 hour feeding window I hope to narrow to 8. I want to keep those things up and have patience, rather then swing wildly into restriction (which I'm terrible at, let's be real) and then end up binging more. I hope I can do it.
What do you tell yourself when you're on the verge of eating to deal with your emotions? How do you pick up the pieces when you feel like you just sank another level down into the pit?
Thank you for putting up with my vent <3
Triggered by Instagram :(
/u/lockyourdrive
Created: Tue May 15 08:34:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jm1a1/triggered_by_instagram/
---
An acquaintance I haven't seen in years just commented on my Insta to say hi, and I went to check her profile. She used to be obese and now she's slimmed down *a lot*, like, she's actually thin now. I'm happy for her because she had a lot of health issues, but I'm also triggered to hell. In between the fitness selfies there are a lot of mean jabs at fat people (wouldn't she have any compassion?) and I'm a little freaked out because her face stayed pretty much the same. That is my biggest fear, that no matter how much I lose, my face would look the same.
I already felt bad enough today because I ate a bit more than planned, now I just want to restrict forever. I think I'll pretend I didn't see her comment because I can't have her on my timeline. :(
Anyone with similar stories? How did you deal with it?
[Help] I'm a food addict?
/u/CoffeeAndArt
Created: Tue May 15 08:22:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jlyby/im_a_food_addict/
---
I think I might be addicted to food, which is honestly terrifying to me. I've been diagnosed with a binge eating disorder which, on top of purging, restricting, and just generally being desperate to lose weight, is not a good thing.
I've recently been eating so much, it's disgusting. I feel horrible but I can't stop, I've lost control, I want so badly to be thin but I just can't make myself stop, honestly I think I might end it all if I get much more fat. I googled food addiction and looked up symptoms, did some tests and reading, and I literally match every symptom of food addiction..
What do I do? If I'm addicted to food how do I stop when I literally have to eat to stay alive? I just want to be thin and I know it's just my shitty self control but sometimes I just feel like the universe wants me to be fat and hate myself. I'm honestly at a loss, what should I do?
Any quick tips on getting your doctor to prescribe you ADHD meds?
/u/Jiggly_Poop
Created: Tue May 15 08:08:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jludk/any_quick_tips_on_getting_your_doctor_to/
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My nurse is trying to force recovery
/u/Tryingmomspatience
Created: Tue May 15 07:49:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jlpdc/my_nurse_is_trying_to_force_recovery/
---
Little back story I’ve had my ED since my daughter was born cause it’s the only thing in my uncontrollable life I have control over. Well recently my best friend called cps on me for my anxiety and postpartum psychosis. Even though my psychiatrist said I’m not a threat. Now I’ve been in therapy and they’re pushing for me to recover which is a huge trigger for me.
I honestly don’t want to recover quite yet. I like the control I have. But I’m afraid if I don’t they’ll tell cps and they’ll take my kid from me. Anyone been in a Similar situation?
Why is dating so hard
/u/mynameislucaIlive
Created: Tue May 15 07:42:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jlnuu/why_is_dating_so_hard/
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I just moved to a beautiful area full of hiking trails but I still can’t get guys to stop inviting me to lunch or dinner. I’ll feel bad if I order food and don’t eat it and I’ll feel bad if I order a salad because then I think I look like ‘one of those girls’ being full gives me anxiety and then I can’t focus on my date but if I don’t eat it feels rude. I just want to stop dating!
The Complete Guide to Fasting
/u/aBadMovieGeek
Created: Tue May 15 07:16:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jlhk7/the_complete_guide_to_fasting/
---
Anyone else ever read this book by Dr. Jason Fung? It is very interesting to read something that promotes fasting as healthy and sustainable on a long term basis. Obviously they discourage underweight people but still, the science is interesting.
Restricting and need recipes? boy do i have the site for you.
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Tue May 15 07:01:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jldu9/restricting_and_need_recipes_boy_do_i_have_the/
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Ive been using this site alone for recipes for like the last two years and somehow i only thought now to post it here. Im sure some of you already know about it, but for those who dont, SkinnyTaste is the fucking bomb.
All her [recipes](https://www.skinnytaste.com/recipe-index/) are tagged, including Vegetarian, Low Carb, Quick, Gluten Free, etc, whatever else you need to find. I havent found a bad recipe yet. They all include the calorie counts and serving sizes, and most are already logged into mfp for you if you just search "Skinnytaste (recipe name)." did i mention theres also [dessert](https://www.skinnytaste.com/recipes/dessert/)???
She posts weekly [meal plans](https://www.skinnytaste.com/meal-plans/) which you can follow if you dont want to make your own. [Here's](https://www.skinnytaste.com/skinnytaste-meal-plan-april-30-may-6/) an example of one from the other week. Every day adds up to 800-900 calories (to leave "room for coffee, drinks, dessert, etc") so you can easily just follow it verbatim for a high-cal meal plan or make adjustments/substitutions for a lower cal one. Seriously it made meal planning this week way easier for me.
anyways i dont want to sound like an advertisement, ive just been relying on this site so heavily the last few months and figured it may help those who like to cook/bake.
What are you guys' secrets to exercise when restricting?
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Tue May 15 06:35:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jl7wn/what_are_you_guys_secrets_to_exercise_when/
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I love running to burn calories, but I usually restrict pretty heavily (300-600 kcal) and exrcise always drains me of *all* my energy. I try to only exercise in the evening so I can go to sleep after and don't have to eat, but still.
Do you guys have any go-to filling foods that help you with that? I'm thinking bananas because they're pretty filling, but I don't like them that much and I'm still looking for ways to prevent binging when I exercise. :(
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday May 15, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 15 06:10:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jl2b0/thinspo_tuesday_may_15_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 15, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 15 06:10:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jl29b/daily_food_diary_may_15_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 15, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] My way out
/u/skinnybpd
Created: Tue May 15 05:58:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jkzpn/my_way_out/
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I've lost a stone in the last two months and I'm now at the weight I was at last time my ed was really bad and I'm starting to spiral out of control (the only solid food I've had in the past 8 days is about 1/3 cup granola across the first three days). Honestly, I feel like I want to keep going until I get signed off work, until I'm too sick to do anything and can go live with my parents and just focus on myself for a few months. I feel like it's horrible, but I'm honestly planning on getting so sick I can use it as my way out of working full time so I can study and get out of this god forsaken town. I feel like this relapse has been brought on by how depressed I've gotten while feeling like I'm not getting anywhere as I work in retail and have no progression and just hate this job so much.
Sorry for the rant, I don't even know if it makes sense but my head is so f*cked because I'm running on caffiene and almond milk and that's about it. I just needed to get it out
Calories from alcohol?
/u/raininginkyoto_
Created: Tue May 15 04:56:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jkngg/calories_from_alcohol/
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So during fasting/restricting particularly I find it hard to not want to drink all the time, so often I'll eat nothing and then have like ~600 cals from beer or wine on a night. Weirdly this seems to make me drop extra weight for the next morning, but then I'll hold on to water weight even more the next day, so i have no idea how its really affecting my body. Anyone else got any experiences with this?
[Other] just got my heart broken, and my ED was part of the reason why
/u/northernmountaingirl
Created: Tue May 15 04:41:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jkkzz/just_got_my_heart_broken_and_my_ed_was_part_of/
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i feel completely shocked and numb. my partner, with whom i was deeply in love and in what i thought was a healthy and supportive relationship, just ended it suddenly.
it’s because i don’t know how to love myself. because i hate my body. these are some the reasons that he didn’t see us having a future together. i was close to being totally recovered and weight restored. we were planning to move in together. i genuinely don’t know what to do. i’ve been physically sick all night and can’t imagine eating ever again. all i want is him back.
[Discussion] How accurate is a Fitbit in calculating calories burned?
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Tue May 15 02:30:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jjzo1/how_accurate_is_a_fitbit_in_calculating_calories/
---
Feel the urge to binge ? READ THIS.
/u/IHateBloodElves
Created: Tue May 15 02:00:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jjv86/feel_the_urge_to_binge_read_this/
---
Hi everyone,
I felt terrible due to anxiety just in the very beginning of the day and started it really badly. I went to the grocery store and bought anything I could : sugared food, greasy food, salty stuff ... anything that could make me feel less empty. I'm on the end of my binge session, I didn't puke yet so I thrive this very moment to describe the state I'm currently in.
My tummy hurts so ... so much. I don't have slobber anymore because of all the shit I swallowed. I don't dare moving because I feel so bad and it hurts so much. My heart is racing, I've got hot flushes and terrible dizziness. I'm feeling totally drunk because of food.
Now, I have to purge as if I drank too much alcohol. I'll feel beter on the moment right after, once my stomach's empty, but I know I'll feel the need to do this again if I do so. Plus I still have food that I can't eat yet, I feel like I'm gonna literally explode if I eat that right now.
It makes me feel really sad, gross and stupid, like I'd never want to eat anymore after that. I feel like it will never stop.
Now, whenever you feel the need to binge, just come and read this post. You don't want to feel that much pain. You don't want to feel like this. It's unbearable. I hope this will help you hold on. I'm gonna stick to it too.
[Rant/Rave] Idk where else to post this but it's sorta related to my eating disorder (tw sexual abuse) please bear with me my mind is in a frenzy
/u/TertiaryWings
Created: Tue May 15 01:30:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jjqoq/idk_where_else_to_post_this_but_its_sorta_related/
---
To cushion the trigger warning I will start off with the fact that I ate semi-normally today and only vomited a little of my first meal up and I'm kinda happy about it.
Internally I'm freaking out about the fact that it's unavoidable that I'll gain weight from it. But that's not the main thing for the post.
Delving into that trigger warning, I was raped on a consistent basis for a few months last year by a previous partner who died of poor mental health.
Outright I am scared of men. I have been since the first time someone attempted to rape me at 18. I hide this VERY WELL because I fully understand that most men are your average to great individual members of society that help to make the world turn just like chicks. Typically I tend to be ok with men. I enjoy the presence of the ones I feel I can trust more than most female company in my life (face to face). I wish I wasn't so internally afraid sometimes with certain people / behaviors.
I'm pretty sure I seem sexist now. I'm sorry. I don't think that I / women are superior I promise.
Getting closer to the point.
I don't mind hugs. I like them. Sometimes they're awkward with certain people because some people are touchy feely, more so than I am. I have a friend who gives great comforting hugs. But I don't really know him all that well and I am slightly afraid of /anxious around him at times because it gets to be a bit too much.
Flattery is fine. He's made comments about how my rear is nice and how my figure is appealing. I typically deflect them by speaking about the subject matter directly and redirect the conversation rather than addressing the situation -
example:
"well your bottom looks nice in that."
"Eh. I appreciate it. The fat distribution / flattery of clothing accentuate it I suppose. But then again with the right combination anyone can have a decent looking bottom such as (famous) person x. They have a nice figure themselves and I hear they went through Xyz to get that result."
As you can tell I don't really stand up for myself. I don't really speak up and say hey I don't like feeling objectified because I know that typically it's a harmless comment.
People have even told me that well yeah that's just the way he is, he doesn't mean anything by it.
And I felt the same.
I feel a semi-sense of comfort because as long as I'm not being scrutinized or complimented he's a pretty decent conversationalist.
I'm pretty open with my disordered eating habits.
Today I was talking to him about my safe foods, how things like fish, pickles and cucumbers and peaches were amazing but things like chicken and eggs and cake would, while I typically love them, make me vomit lately. I've been talking about how I've been crying a lot especially while watching glee or over stupid things like how pretty I found some flowers to be today.
I was also talking about how my latest difficult situation, which he had a fair amount of familiarity to the issue and the people at hand so I felt ok talking about it with him while I scarfed down pickles and sugar free pineapple-cherry ice pops at every other bite. (Delicious btw)
While I talked and teared up because I thought I made one of our mutual friends upset he made himself some food and had like 3-4 beers. We got to speaking medically about fertility and feminine medical issues (his ex wife and I have pcos) and how they weren't the end all be all due to the disease.
We are also able to openly discuss things such as sex and joke about it - I mention the dude I'm kindasortawithbutnotreally - who he knows and is friends with, and he mentions his dry spell for women and how at that point it had been so long he was willing to perform oral on me despite the completion of coitus with said guy not even twenty minutes ago. (He's bisexual and doesn't mind that sort of thing.)
it made me feel a bit uncomfortable sure but I brushed it off. No big deal. That's just how he is. But the thing that fucked with me tonight is that when he hugged me goodbye, (I don't really wear a bra depending on the morning I'm having) a typical rubbing of a palm across someone's back in short comforting strokes is typically expected and decently received. This time the stroking was to the side of my breast. No squeezing action. It was closer to the outside of my breast and I could clearly tell he was copping a feel.
I felt violated. Incredibly uncomfortable. I didn't speak up for myself or correct him. I didn't say stop or no. I just waited silently for it to be over. I attributed it to alcohol. I was also afraid to say anything because he has the ability to ruin a very delicate balance in my social life right now that would completely cut me off from my strongest (damn near only) support person, and I can count the amount of friends I have on one hand. I just let it happen and I feel so sick and violated and ashamed of myself for not saying anything. I'm sitting here berating myself saying that I let shit like this happen to me and I let myself get raped before.
The thing of it is, I spoke up loud and clear when I was being raped before and was rewarded with mental and emotional torture, physical abuse, and more. I had learned to not speak up and just sit there and take it like a good little girl and that it would soon be over and I could go about my normal daily life and that would be the safest route for me.
I feel like I'm blowing this way out of proportion and my feelings are invalid. I let myself down again. I just want to restrict until there's nothing left of me.
TL;DR - Was touched inappropriately by friend. Didn't speak up for myself due to my own past Bullshit. Want to restrict until I waste away.
Tmi poop issues.
/u/glossboy
Created: Tue May 15 00:13:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jje12/tmi_poop_issues/
---
I'm having a common constipation issue, haven't pooped for a week and few days.
I've gone up about 3 lbs on the scale since my lowest recorded weight but I haven't been eating anything over my tdee. Is it even possible to store 3 lbs of food waste in your body for a week?? I've been constipated before but never this bad. I don't really feel bloated or anything.
I just need some... reassurance that this isn't gained weight. I'm having a shit day so my brain's fucking with me.
[Help] I just really more than 3000 calories a day this weekend with family I feel like self harming how can I come myself down.
/u/letsgouWu
Created: Tue May 15 00:10:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jjdcc/i_just_really_more_than_3000_calories_a_day_this/
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Yeah I fucked my body up fuck fuck fuck why did I do this. I can feel my stomach growing and and getting that itch I do when I feel it god noooo.
So sick of being tired?
/u/25point80697
Created: Mon May 14 23:45:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jj92o/so_sick_of_being_tired/
---
I don't really know what to say here.
I was a part of a community called PASS when I was younger....a community that gave me strength through my struggles, kept me alive during my depression, and I continue to reach out to the people I met there.
I ran across this reddit community tonight. And I feel the need to be here for you.
My history:
When I was in 4th grade I started drawing pictures and planning how to kill myself. In 5th grade my parents enlisted the help of a psychologist, who forever broke my trust of mental health doctors. Despite cutting myself, she told me parents it was just me being selfish and seeking attention, that it was nothing. In 7th grade I began starving myself. I'd donate my packed lunch out to friends so my parents weren't suspicious, and I began chewing and spitting. The cutting continued. In high school, I discovered PASS, a forum online. They became my strength, my home, my hope. I am naturally thin, before I began starving I remember being weighed monthly by the school nurse, and ironically that was one of my triggers. I have been prescribed more things than I can count for my depression and anxiety. I am currently free of medications though, as of 8 years ago. I entered what I call recovery.
I was never diagnosed by a medical professional as anorexic. I'm a good liar I guess. I was hospitalized for depression and attempting suicide 3 times, all of which they monitored my weight and eating and questioned me about ED...but I didn't give in. I wish I had. I, in college, ate less than 100 calories a day for 3 years straight. Lettuce shreds, less than 1 cm and counting to 100, or 100 rice crispy pieces were my major life force. I was exhausted, weak, sad.....broken....
Today I am a married mother of 2 little girls that bring me such joy. I worry for them, what if they become like me? I still don't eat enough...but I call myself recovered because I don't analyze ever detail, and keep track excessively. I maintain a weight of 115, plus or minus five. It still terrifies me to step on the scale and see a number bigger than 115....but I keep eating anyway. I still have days where I wake up and plan on not eating. Or there is stress and so I chose to not eat to help me feel better. But I am alive, despite what I thought I would be 10 years ago.
I am writing this because I want anyone to reach out to me. In PASS, I found the support I needed to get through the days, regardless of if I was actively starving or trying to do better. We weren't pro\-ED in the way that we wanted people to die. We wanted people to feel comfortable being them. And so, this message is for ANYONE that needs someone to help them to feel comfortable being them...to feel connected. Ideally, you'll get through this. But I will not ever judge if you are unable to get there yet.
Message me. You are all worthy of life.
[Discussion] i will statements for the summer
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Mon May 14 23:28:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jj5vv/i_will_statements_for_the_summer/
---
name something you will accomplish before summer ends
speak it out into the world
make it a reality
[Help] Stomach ulcer isn’t healing, but i’m struggling with the idea of becoming healthy
/u/slicedcheese
Created: Mon May 14 23:13:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jj384/stomach_ulcer_isnt_healing_but_im_struggling_with/
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I’ve had a stomach ulcer for a little bit and an endoscopy showed that it was healing in january. However, it is back again and feels just as bad as before. Even though it’s super painful and i’m sick all the time, I’ve lost a lot of weight. I’m scared that when it heals, I’ll gain it back because eating won’t be painful anymore (and my ulcer makes me vomit everyday)
I’m finally under an 18 BMI and I don’t want to lose that...I also don’t want to burden my loved ones with my health since I am sick everyday though.
[Help] How much weight do you have to lose before you notice? Before others notice?
/u/MissLadyPerson
Created: Mon May 14 23:09:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jj2jp/how_much_weight_do_you_have_to_lose_before_you/
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I've been restricting every day for 3 weeks. It's been different every day, sometimes a 1000 calorie deficit, sometimes only 300--but always a deficit.
I don't have a scale or measuring tape so I'm having to go purely on visuals and fit of clothes, neither of which has changed yet (obviously).
But my goal is to be able to wear a swimsuit by mid-June. Can I even realistically lose enough weight to feel any more comfortable by then? How much until you notice any difference, even a small one? And what about other people? I'm guessing they notice later.
[Other] Starting a fast now.
/u/starvingbride
Created: Mon May 14 22:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jiyqh/starting_a_fast_now/
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My first in a while, we’ll see how long I go!
I’m planning on not breaking it until my lunch break Wednesday morning (I work nights) at the absolute earliest.
[Discussion] Watching videos
/u/steamedbun_27
Created: Mon May 14 22:46:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jixzv/watching_videos/
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Does anyone else watch mukbangs/food videos when they are restricting or fasting? Idk if it’s just me lol but I watch them all the time.
[Other] So Much Fucking Sugar :/ I’m a fucking disgusting fat ass
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Mon May 14 22:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jiqmy/so_much_fucking_sugar_im_a_fucking_disgusting_fat/
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So I puked up my dinner, and consumed a fuck-ton of sugar (a whole bag of AirHeads Soft-Filled Bites, dried apples and some malt liquor), and I feel like garbage. Yet I still want more. I’m so gross, I seriously want to die. Ughhhhh!!!
Just want to be normal
/u/Chuckysbride103116
Created: Mon May 14 22:06:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jipno/just_want_to_be_normal/
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I just want to look at myself and see what everyone else does instead of only seeing the bad and fat and weird, i just want to eat without feeling guilty or eat until im actually full not until "ive had enough ", i want to not notice other people's bodies and feel jealous of the skinny or disgusted in the overweight, i just want to feel healthy instead of fatigued and not be jaundiced or pale, i wish it was easy to turn off these thoughts, but i just obsess over fucking food and appearance all damn day,
i wish i wanted to be normal more than i want to be skinny
[Rant/Rave] just a rant
/u/bmddx
Created: Mon May 14 21:40:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jijr5/just_a_rant/
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so my dad leaves to go pick up something from a nearby walgreens. the literal SECOND he starts passing through the doorway of our house upon return he goes 'so i know my daughter's going to hate me for this, buuuuut—' & pulls out a box of cookie dough bites & another of gummy bears. i thanked him for the gesture & politely declined, then strode back into my room to have half of a fucking breakdown. i've begged him to stop bringing me food like that, & i get that it's meant to be an exciting, fun surprise, but fuck. i want to let myself go so fucking badly, but i know i would hate myself & probably end up purging. i want to let myself go, but i can't even have a packet of shirataki without feeling like a breathing blimp. ugh.
Went for a snack, for once in my life, good ol Yoplait at it with the roasts
/u/Lguy69
Created: Mon May 14 21:35:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jiis3/went_for_a_snack_for_once_in_my_life_good_ol/
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https://i.redd.it/ema2ekwkwxx01.jpg
[Other] None of my clothes fit me!!!
/u/catsrule-humansdrool
Created: Mon May 14 21:19:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jif4f/none_of_my_clothes_fit_me/
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I’m at the point where I’m the smallest size I’ve been since around middle school, and I’m wearing the smallest clothes I own. I still have a long way to go but I’ve been doing a really good job at losing weight pretty fast. It seems like I’m down a size every month or two. Something I haven’t heard a lot about is how much it SUCKS to have something really cute and flattering, and then it’s too big on you a few weeks later. I keep having to find new things to wear and I’m trying to be fashionable and thrifty at the same time and it’s ROUGH. But I know it’s going to be worth it when I finally reach my UGW!
DAE have a limit to how much you will weigh before you kill yourself?
/u/JoelleBirch
Created: Mon May 14 21:16:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jiedm/dae_have_a_limit_to_how_much_you_will_weigh/
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Ever since I was younger, maybe 15 or so, I've always said that if I hit 180 lbs, I'd kill myself. Stuck to this declaration for years. My highest weight, to date, has been 178. My only thought at that weight was "2 more lbs and I'll kill myself". So I started losing weight, ended up down 45lbs before it started creeping back on. My latest high weight was 174 and my thought was " damn, only 6 more lbs before I kill myself". So back to losing I go.
I know this is fucked up but I figure I can't be the only one, right?
[Other] I suffer from an ED. My ex us forcing me to eat vegan and says he's not happy I'm eating vegetarian and not vegan. I suffer from atypical ED & he is the only person I feel comfortable talking about my issue and openly discussing about it. This is what I got when he's mad.
/u/usingthistoaskqs1111
Created: Mon May 14 21:14:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jie0y/i_suffer_from_an_ed_my_ex_us_forcing_me_to_eat/
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https://i.redd.it/i3xa3tsssxx01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Binging 3 days before I go into residential..
/u/ThisIsNotGumpy
Created: Mon May 14 21:10:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jid4h/binging_3_days_before_i_go_into_residential/
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lmao.....amirite??
I leave for residential in 3 days and I ate 1400 cals today. Fuck me dude.
But off my brain says this means I am the picture of healthy ™️ and definitely don’t NEED to go because I can’t even restrict right. Fuck dude.
Most weight lost in 1 month?
/u/lokiapologist
Created: Mon May 14 21:09:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jicv8/most_weight_lost_in_1_month/
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What's the most weight you've ever lost in a month by fasting and restricting and etc?
[Rant/Rave] quick annoyance
/u/serketcircuit
Created: Mon May 14 21:01:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jiazc/quick_annoyance/
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its about 7:30 at night and ive only had breakfast and a snack since ive been out all day, and i was feeling pretty good about it
but ive only done that because ive been gone when id usually be at home and have to eat, and i realized that if id remembered i was going to be out all day this morning then i couldve skipped breakfast and maybe gotten to fast, which i never get to do
so now i feel guilty for not figuring this out earlier and eating anything at all
[Rant/Rave] Appreciation for my sweet boyfriend and also rant about how much having an ed sucks
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Mon May 14 20:58:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jia6q/appreciation_for_my_sweet_boyfriend_and_also_rant/
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So I’m fuckin dedicated to not binge anymore, I know we all say it and it’s insanely hard not to do but it has turned from enjoying food to self harm and it’s getting out of control. I have fasted for like 43 hours and want to make it to atleast 72 before I eat something and it WILL be something with a controlled calorie count. Fasting isn’t an issue for me but i always break my fast with a binge and so I’m in the cycle and haven’t lost weight in months.
So it felt horrible when my boyfriend came over yesterday and was excited to show me a gift card he had gotten from Olive Garden. He could tell right away I didn’t want to go and said he figured I would say that and pulled out other food he brought, he seemed disappointed but he also didn’t make me feel bad or stay on the subject at all, which made it a lot easier for me bc of course I would fuckin love to go and have a good dinner with him but it will lead to a binge for me and I really want to lose weight so I just can’t.
Then today he asked if we could go tonight and I said I don’t know, and he didn’t push anymore and just cuddled with me and the next thing he said was “I’ve got you” which I don’t know if it was related to the subject or just in general but it was nice. Then I texted him after he went to work saying I don’t think I’ll be able to go out tonight either bc otherwise I would be stressed all day about him asking me to go again and he said “it’s ok, I’m not disappointed”. And it was such a relief.
He is about to head over right now and he just called and asked if I was sure I didn’t want to go and I said yeah and he was like ok I’m going to eat and head over.
I am just so happy that he is trying his best to support me. He has said some upsetting stuff in the past about my eating, all coming from a place of not understanding and me not opening up and lately I can just tell so much that he is really trying. He doesn’t force me to eat or to talk about it and listens when I try to. I am starting to feel more comfortable opening up about it and it takes a lot of the stress off that I don’t have to hide it.
But I also wish I could go out to dinner with my fucking boyfriend!!!!
Gaining weight after Gallbladder Surgery
/u/rxBootySlayer
Created: Mon May 14 20:43:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ji6i2/gaining_weight_after_gallbladder_surgery/
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Big oof.
So I have been struggling for an entire year post-surgery. I lost about 40 lbs after I really started having issues which turned out to be my gallbladder.
That got removed and within a year I gain all 40 lbs back.
I've lost about 10lbs after hitting the 39 lb mark.
I feel like a big fucking fat failure. I try to stay away from here but yall are so damn supportive and I appreciate that... :(
Have any of you guys experienced weight gain after a surgery? I'm feeling really alone right now ;-; trying to fight off the urge to binge atm.
Small binge at lunch helping tonight
/u/commandermel
Created: Mon May 14 20:38:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ji5g3/small_binge_at_lunch_helping_tonight/
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Longtime lurker, first time poster.
So basically I ate an entire container (those black plastic ones) of moo shu veggies for lunch today. I've been having issues restricting recently but eating all that at lunch is keeping me from eating tonight! Like I was making myself dinner and almost gagged just looking at it. Like the thought of eating anymore almost made me physically ill (and I'm terrified of getting sick). It's making restricting tonight so much easier and honestly it's a well accepted break because oh my gouda it's been very hard to restrict recently.
Also! I'll be so nervous about today, I'll probably (hopefully) do better in the future. I went from 140 to 143 in the past day or two and I feel like a walrus. My goal is 135, I started at 185 in January.
[Other] My best friend just shared this on Facebook. I don't think she realizes how applicable that this actually is to me! LOL
/u/Therinnyone
Created: Mon May 14 20:33:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ji460/my_best_friend_just_shared_this_on_facebook_i/
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https://i.redd.it/k8z2drajlxx01.jpg
My Lowest Point
/u/temp_account6666
Created: Mon May 14 20:12:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhz5n/my_lowest_point/
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I feel like this is the only place I can post this story. It's just to embarrassing to share with people who don't understand what having an ED does to you. Back in September I was just starting college. I felt awful because I had spent the previous year binging, gained like thirty pounds, and never lost it before school started. I was trying to restrict again and had a habit of drinking hot sauce when I got too hungry. It has less than 5 calories per serving (the bottle said zero but who knows), tasted incredibly strong, and usually left my stomach hurting too much afterwards to want to eat again for at least an hour. My system was working pretty well until one day when I went to a small event at a professors house right after I had binged on the hot sauce (does it count as a binge if the food isn't caloric?). Because I had been restricting it had been about a week and half since I had pooped. I got to the professor's house and my stomach felt awful. But my stomach always felt awful, half a bottle of plain hot sauce will do that. So I ignored it. Maybe about twenty minutes later it became clear that I would have to get to a bathroom very soon. I decided not to ask the professor if I could use his bathroom. I had a feeling it was going to be messy and I didn't want to potentially embarrass myself in front of him and a bunch of other students (it's a pretty small school btw so I was definitely going to see everyone again). The professor's house was right off campus, so I excused myself and started walking back. Then I started sprinting. I was right outside the nearest building when I lost control. Luckily, there was a stairwell right outside the building that was mostly out of view. I ran to the bottom and just sat there. It was the most disgusting and embarrassing thing I've ever experienced. While I was mostly out of view, anyone walking by could have looked down if they wanted to. The only options I had were to either walk through campus covered in shit or get someone to help me. So I called my roommate sobbing as quietly as I could and had to tell her what happened and ask her to bring me a towel and new clothes. I probably ended up sitting there for an hour or two waiting for my panic attack to end and for it to get dark enough that I could get back to my dorm without being seen. As I said, it's a tiny school and even though I had only been there a month there was a pretty good chance I'd run into somebody I knew. There's only so much you can clean yourself without soap and running water and there's no way I didn't smell like someone who had just shit their pants. When I got back I showered for over an hour. My roommate and I haven't said a single word about it since. I know almost everyone here knows there's nothing glamorous about EDs but every time I see them romanticized I want to scream. My ED left me sitting for hours in a cement stairwell full of spiders nests and every insect you can imagine. My ED made me shit my pants for the first time since I was a toddler. The only reason I have any dignity left is because I was lucky enough not to be found.
[Help] Recipes?
/u/xxxanon1117
Created: Mon May 14 20:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhwic/recipes/
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Any suggestions as to where I can find some proana or just low cal recipes?
i discovered the secret to losing weight!!!
/u/DisastrousTrifle
Created: Mon May 14 19:58:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhvor/i_discovered_the_secret_to_losing_weight/
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It starts with falling in love and dating a guy for 5 years and ends with him breaking up with you and never talking to you again!!! I’ve lost 15 pounds! 10/10 would recommend
minor side effects include wanting to die literally 24/7, not wanting to sleep because he’s in my dreams, not wanting to wake up because he’s in my dreams, but really yeah I might never eat again!!!
I'm freaking out over what my massage therapist told me. Can someone please help me make sense of this?
/u/eviesfuture
Created: Mon May 14 19:57:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhvns/im_freaking_out_over_what_my_massage_therapist/
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I'm really sorry for being a mess, but yesterday I had a massage yesterday that I'd been putting off forever.
The massage went well (I was very nervous, but it was actually very relaxing), and when she was done, before leaving we were making small talk and she went "I have to say, your legs are meatier than I expected by looking at you when you came in".
What does she mean and why the hell would she say that? My legs are one part of my body I was never overly consious about (always my manly shoulders).
I'm not even carrying extra fat there since I walk a lot , and I know that it's not the lowest, but my bmi just came down to 19.1 and I was over the moon about it this week.
Now, all I can do is stare at my legs from all angles, and I can definitely see that it's too fat but it's also wrong because I know that it was small an hour ago.
I'm losing my mind, and apparently have to lose weight on my legs now.
[Rant/Rave] Wasted Time?: Reflections from Recovery
/u/HornsOfTheAltar
Created: Mon May 14 19:50:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhtxe/wasted_time_reflections_from_recovery/
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This is something I wrote in my journal today that I felt like I needed to share. I don't know who will read it \(if anyone will\), but I wanted to get it out there. There's nothing worse than feeling like you've wasted your time \(a very limited resource\), that you're worse than dead because you're just pretending to be alive. And that feeling can make you spiral back into disordered habits again. But there's still hope in the midst of what feels like super, *super* shitty tunnel vision.
...
I feel like I've wasted this entire year, and I always assumed I'd make better use of my time before it was over. But I've spent 9\+ months agonizing over food, my body, and other people's food and bodies, and losing all of myself in the process. I wish I could go back to August 2017 HornsOfTheAltar and talk her out of it.
"Don't do it," I'd say. "Seriously, don't even think about it. You will lose everything and it's not worth it. Not by a long\-shot."
Except August 2017 HornsOfTheAltar was already binging and searching for ways to compensate. Even before then, she was subconsciously engaging in disordered behavior as a vie for attention: starving, pigging out, repeat, for years. There isn't one single HornsOfTheAltar in time I could visit and warn because the habits are tied to everything and so many factors gave birth to them—it'd be impossible to narrow in on one.
Maybe there's a possible world where I never lived this year the way I did. The thing with that, though, is that deep down I *know* I haven't completely wasted my time. As sucky as the ED experience has been, I have grown from it in ways I'm not sure I would have otherwise.
1. My beliefs about the world were challenged. This disillusionment led me to being okay with questioning God and the truth of religion, whether or not everything we do really matters, etc.
2. I am able to empathize with others better—those who are suffering from mental illness, those unsure of their faith, etc.
3. I reached out to my brother and parents for help, deepening my love for them in unimaginable ways.
4. I became more authentic \(with those I care about\) in general, giving me the freedom to express/accept myself however I am.
5. My diet did a complete 180. I mainly eat fruits, vegetables, and lean meats because I've gained a much better understanding of nutrition. Last year, all I really ate were grains, chicken fingers, and yogurt. It technically does all come down to calories, but now I'm maintaining *and* giving my body what's best for it, instead of just the former. I'm willing to try new foods, especially if I know they're rich in nutrients.
6. I've recognized some of my "root problems" that are causing these issues \(and that have caused others\) in my life to begin with. I now have better clarity of how I've arrived at where I am, which means I can better address my core issues and avoid potential future problems.
7. I have a better sense of myself overall because I've had to begin restructuring *everything*. It's true that I'm still unsure about a lot, and the future is quite fuzzy, but at least I'm not deluding myself \(or others\) by pretending to be someone/something I'm not. In losing myself, I have come closer to finding myself, in a way.
8. **I can persevere in the face of grief.**
I'm sure there are more that I'll think of later. Just rereading all of these is overwhelming.
I hate myself so fucking much
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Mon May 14 19:43:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhsbx/i_hate_myself_so_fucking_much/
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Why am I so fucking ugly. Why.
God I fucking hate myself. Why the fuck do we have to value appearance so much. It hurts to know you're inferior to almost everyone and that inadequacy is the first thing people see. I just want to have one second of feeling beautiful. Like someone looks at me and thinks that I'm worth coming up to talk to. I'm so angry and sad and I don't want to be.
[Other] Furry Fury Felines
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Mon May 14 19:22:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhnbz/furry_fury_felines/
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https://i.redd.it/n8ctyhfu8xx01.jpg
[Discussion] Curious if anyone else sleeps better while restricting?
/u/TinyJarOfRocks
Created: Mon May 14 19:19:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhmlw/curious_if_anyone_else_sleeps_better_while/
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I had my first binge in a long time last night, it was entirely on decent food. Carrots, nuts, salmon etc. I probably ate 1500 over my tdee which isn’t too awful. Anyway even with that I slept like garbage. I was hot, I kept waking up, I felt like I didn’t get into a deep sleep stage.
But when I restrict I sleep like a baby. My body temp is colder so I snuggle up. I get into a nice deep sleep and wake up feeling amazing. Recovery seems like the light at the end of the tunnel but damn...when it happens I am going to miss having the best sleep of my life.
[Rant/Rave] Finally having weight loss recognized!!!
/u/kiddogambino
Created: Mon May 14 19:17:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhma0/finally_having_weight_loss_recognized/
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First post here. After about 6 months of restricting I feel like I'm actually making progress! I have lost about 30 pounds but no one has mentioned it to me yet. I visited my old workplace today and my ex coworker said "how did you lose all that weight?" I honestly thought no one could notice but I'm so happy and ahh!!! This is just even more motivating and I just wanted to share :\)\)\)
Fuckig sick of this
/u/budqueen17
Created: Mon May 14 19:08:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhk1k/fuckig_sick_of_this/
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I was going to eat at school today because I was so hungry in class- I could literally hear my stomach rumbling, I was honestly surprised no one mentioned it. Saw one other person not eating, now I can't eat. Even when 40 other people are eating, if there's just one person eating nothing/less than me- I won't eat. I feel like I always have to eat the least. I have anxiety over eating ingrained so deeply, I don't think I'll ever get over this. Even when I don't hate myself, I still feel so embarrassed to eat in front of people other than my family and very close friends. I went out to dinner the other day with about 10 other people and nearly cried reading the menu. What the fuck, man, I'm sick of this shit
Can’t stop binging! Rant
/u/mojojojoez_scraps
Created: Mon May 14 19:02:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhil1/cant_stop_binging_rant/
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God damnit i was restricting fairly well at the beginning of the year and was able to control myself. Now I literally am eating thousands of calories a day and can’t stop binging. I need to snap out of it I’m gaining weight and hating it but I can’t stop obsessing over food. FUCK! Help! Loosing my fucking mind.
Height; 5”8 CW;145 GW; 120
Quit denying my ED to my family
/u/rainbowfuze
Created: Mon May 14 18:57:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhhj3/quit_denying_my_ed_to_my_family/
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I've insinuated to my parents that I have an *unhealthy* relationship with food, but they've never known the extent. Well, I've dropped damn near 10 pounds in the last month and they've started asking for the full story every time I see them. And to be honest, I'm tired of thinking of reasons as to why I'm not eating in front of them. So today I was over visiting, and my dad had brought home bbq. He and my mom made plates, ate, and when I didn't make one my dad asked if I was going to eat.
"No"
"Did you already eat?"
"No"
"Well do you have food at your apartment?"
"Hmm..not sure"
Just wondering if anyone else does this? Instead of making up excuses, just being blunt about not eating?
Fuck that feeling when you weigh in and get super excited and do a little happy dance... and then remember you're still a whale and losing 4lbs is nothing to be happy about.
/u/graeciamagna
Created: Mon May 14 18:52:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhgh9/fuck_that_feeling_when_you_weigh_in_and_get_super/
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Apparently I can't be proud of myself, lol
Had a disciplined day
/u/ekwater
Created: Mon May 14 18:34:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhc1k/had_a_disciplined_day/
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Feeling great, especially after my huge dessertfest yesterday. Ate \~700 calories under my TDEE and went running/did some sprints for some extra burn.
I'm going to try to have a more normal eating day tomorrow and not be SUPER restrictive because I'm really trying not to fall into a binge/restrict pattern. Plus I'm generally happier when I have a few more calories.
[Rant/Rave] Complaining
/u/Renegade_always_was
Created: Mon May 14 18:29:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jhaz5/complaining/
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So I’m on a work trip with my university and I love it. I pride myself on being able to adapt to a bunch of different situations, and just about anywhere I can keep myself busy and avoid eating, and it’s been great.
Bu the people on this trip keep eating so much, and then complaining about not eating. Like calm down Mallory it’s only been six hours since you last ate you won’t die.
I just find myself getting so frustrated when people can’t go a certain amount of time without eating; it seems ridiculous and I just needed to vent.
Sorry for the rant.
A friend called me out today…in the middle of math class.
/u/blankethugs
Created: Mon May 14 17:47:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jh0qk/a_friend_called_me_out_todayin_the_middle_of_math/
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So I was just working on some stuff in math class (yay, tessellations), and I was chatting with a friend of mine, and he was like, “What would happen if you just stopped eating for a month? Like, would you die?”
I said, “Oh, you probably wouldn’t. You’d just be really hungry for a while, then eventually you’d kinda get used to it.”
Then he was like, “Of course you would know. You just starve yourself to lose weight, don’t you? You’re, like, anorexic.”
And I just said, “No? I’m not anorexic, I weigh too much for that.”
Which is…not quite the thing you say when you’re trying to convince people that you aren’t anorexic. It’s like the opposite of the thing you would say to convince people that you don’t have an eating disorder. Kicking myself for that one.
The worst thing is is that EVERYONE heard that. My teacher probably heard it (and hopefully just ignored it, because he was busy at his desk…a whole three feet away). But I’m panicking. Like, what if he did hear it? And he reports it? And then he decides to call my parents?
He probably didn’t say anything about it, being that I look like a perfectly normal girl (and that he really doesn’t like me)…but still. I’m stressed. And I can’t even try to see if he even heard it, because he won’t be there tomorrow. Ugh.
Goddess Bless Starbucks' Cold Foam Cascara Cold Brew
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Mon May 14 17:46:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jh0h9/goddess_bless_starbucks_cold_foam_cascara_cold/
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I got a Venti for 100 gosh dang calories. Please someone tell me this is real because I drank the whole thing but I am so suspicious. I restrict to 500 so now I have like 400 calories to do what I want with unless the cake is a lie. In which case, I might start crying.
[Rant/Rave] Down to 115 pounds
/u/megamorphaseez
Created: Mon May 14 17:45:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jh0dv/down_to_115_pounds/
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Thought I'd feel better, it like with each goal weight I feel worse and worse. I get excited to lose weight so I can wear clothes that show my shoulders, clothes that maybe show a bit more stomach.
But I don't. I cover up MORE. Wear oversized pants, and hate myself more.
What is going on? Why can't I win? Why can't I feel happy? I know it's my own fault. But it still. Fucking. Sucks.
Anyone else like this?
When I get down to 125lbs I'm going to get another tattoo
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Mon May 14 17:40:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jgz6l/when_i_get_down_to_125lbs_im_going_to_get_another/
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I'm just posting here so that it gives me more motivation, I'm going to get an elephant on my ankle :)
SO Is Taking Me Grocery Shopping Tonight After Class, Any Reccomendations?
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Mon May 14 17:38:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jgyp0/so_is_taking_me_grocery_shopping_tonight_after/
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[Rant/Rave] Just want to rant about imposter syndrome
/u/hmmsecretaccount
Created: Mon May 14 17:25:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jgvqp/just_want_to_rant_about_imposter_syndrome/
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I feel like I’m a fraud or like I’m pretending because I’m not deathly skinny.
Right now I’m 2 pounds above the underweight BMI category for my height and I think even once I lose those 2 lbs I’ll still feel the same way.
I get really upset when I don’t know how many calories are in something even if I can guess pretty well—my work brought us lunch today and I only had some soup but it really stressed me out that I didn’t know the nutritional info and nothing came up when I searched. I felt angry at myself. I know “normal” people don’t obsess like this and track every single calorie.
I know I’ve gotten pretty bony lately even though I still feel huge—a small but visible indentation between the top bones on my wrist, hipbones, prominent collar bones, you can see a few ribs and also a couple vertebrae in my back standing normally.
I know “normal” people aren’t this obsessive about food, but I also see smaller girls and just feel like an imposter.
I meet my SO parents in 2 months, and I don’t want to look like a fat pig, but I have no self control?
/u/sajiao_
Created: Mon May 14 17:14:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jgt3f/i_meet_my_so_parents_in_2_months_and_i_dont_want/
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Today I woke up with the thought in mind that I was going to go on a 3 day fast. Wrong! I just binged on a whole bag of baked Cheetos, sonic fries & chicken strips, and m&ms. I’m so mad at myself. I have 58 days until I meet them and I would like to lose at least 25lbs by then.
Some backstory: In highschool I was able to heavily restrict to the point that I weighed 110lbs(I’m 5’7).
Unfortunately soon after I got into an abusive relationship and I started binge eating to help cope with my situation. Because of all the binging I ended gaining 110 pounds. Literally double myself. I was at 220. I started restricting again last November and have lost 44lbs since then. But I’m in this bad phase where I restrict and then binge eat for days. I haven’t lost any weight in the last 3 months because of this. :(
I’m feeling absolutely hopeless and depressed because I’m tired of being a pig. I can’t even successfully restrict anymore because I have no self control. My goal is to be at least 151 when I meet them. Can anyone offer advice? How do you usually distract yourself from food? What tips work for you?
[Goal] Tfw literally anything can become goals
/u/rocksnowls
Created: Mon May 14 17:10:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jgs4h/tfw_literally_anything_can_become_goals/
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https://i.redd.it/swxgtivalwx01.jpg
I'm sick! Hooray!
/u/Egleriel
Created: Mon May 14 16:57:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jgot7/im_sick_hooray/
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I woke up with a fever after taking a nap! Im so happy now I wont eat because I'm sick!
And that is something a crazy person would say☄
I know I cant be the only person who enjoys being sick... someone make me feel less crazy please
[Help] Tips on fasting for the first time?
/u/pm-me-kitty-pics
Created: Mon May 14 16:35:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jgjdt/tips_on_fasting_for_the_first_time/
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I was thinking about fasting on Wednesday, never have before. Anything I should know going into it etc.
I don't belong here but I'm fucked up and I keep coming back (by Fall Out Boy)
/u/GemRocking
Created: Mon May 14 16:25:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jggz1/i_dont_belong_here_but_im_fucked_up_and_i_keep/
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**[14F, for context]** I don't have an ED, so this post is borderline breaking a sub rule already. I've just got to vent again and r/proED is the best sub for this particular rant. I've made multiple posts here, all of which I've deleted.
#Butch D!ke in the Making, Going for that Weird Gay^TM Look
I hate myself and my body. I'm fatter than I've ever been, with a BMI of 24.4. Last year I never set foot outside the house in anything but a sweatshirt and jeans, even in 100+ degree summer heat. I have fat calves and fat forearms; my fingers, neck, cheeks are even fat. Everything about me is too fat, too big, too much.
But I've just got to be a fucking *queer* on top of it. I won't dress like a girl because it makes me uncomfortable. I want to look androgynous--I *love* to look androgynous, because it makes me feel like I'm "myself." I talk and walk and gesticulate like a boy. Yet there's this paradoxical thing: I feel most attractive when I look androgynous, but I also feel like I'm nasty somehow. I'm raised homeschooled, conservative, and Christian, so this may have something to do with it. My mom, in particular, doesn't like how masculine I am because she doesn't want me to grow up to be a "butch d!ke."
Last night for some reason I posted a picture of myself to r/teenamiugly. That photo of me was up for probably 12 hours before I deleted it. The feedback I got was basically: you wouldn't be ugly if you lost weight and became more feminine. That's
cemented it into my mind: I've *got* to lose weight. I want to be *skinny.* I really want to be one of those people who doesn't like food very much, subsisting on water and light snacks; I want to have a BMI down in the 'teen numbers. I want to have thin little forearms, so that all the veins in my arms are visible; I want a completely flat stomach; I want concave cheeks; I want nonexistant curves and a flat chest. I want to demonstrate that I have willpower to sculpt my body into an accurate reflection of who I am--and I want to be attractive, for once in my life; I want to be confident and to wear normal clothes and to just interact with people without thinking about how pathetic they must think I am because of my weight. And I don't care if I'm a "butch d!ke" anymore as long as I'm a *hot* butch d!ke and girls drool over me--I know that's repulsively vain, but I don't even care anymore.
#I Don't Like the Food but the Food Likes Me (by Marilyn Manson)
I like food all too much; I overeat and make poor choices. If I eat one thing I'm ashamed of, I say "Fuck it" and I just overeat all day. Whenever I've counted calories in recent months, I've commonly gone 500 or so calories over my TDEE. That's why I'm fat and disgusting.
My mom is doing an extremely rigorous diet at the moment and eating only 600-700 calories every day on average, and I fucking hate myself that I don't have the willpower to do what she's doing. I could have lost so much weight by now. If I would just take the opportunity to not eat, I might not be so ugly.
I'll get into the mindset of undereating to lose, but then I slide out of it only a few hours later; I put my sweater on and pretend I'm not fat, and I eat garbage and say that it's ok because "I'll do better tomorrow."
#Now I'm an Official Fuck-Up^TM
I've been on SSRIs for months, and last week I spoke to a psychiatrist for the first time to deal with some of my issues. *(Read: I'm now in dozens of government databases and every aspect of my personality is somehow part of my mental illness)*. They're trying to say that my body image issues are due to my OCD and "possible BDD," but I know that I'm just a fatfuck, and my post to r/teenamiugly proved that. If I wasn't fat, I'd be fine.
God, I'm so embarrassed for my next psychiatrist appointment, because it will be too hot for me to wear a sweater and the shrink will see that I actually am fat, not crazy, and my only problem is that Ihave zero willpower to lose any weight.
Guys, I'm fucked. I've already eaten 955 calories today, and I've burned probably less than 100 through exercise. We're going on a little vacation in a few weeks, and that will make dieting hard. I know these are all excuses; I know that with a little willpower I could stop overeating all the damn time and get down to a decent size. I'm sick of this.
[Discussion] DAE keep comparing themselves to other posters’ flairs?
/u/wellmacsgay
Created: Mon May 14 15:18:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jfzff/dae_keep_comparing_themselves_to_other_posters/
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Every time I see someone who’s around the same height as me (5’7) I have to compare myself to them and it makes me feel really shitty when they’re like 110 lbs. I feel like I’ve failed somehow.
Got caught binging in the car
/u/Creepy_Bite
Created: Mon May 14 15:03:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jfv4d/got_caught_binging_in_the_car/
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I was parked at the back hoping no one would park next to me, but in the middle of chowing down on cookies with chocolate covered around my mouth and the window rolled down \(because it was hot\), these two middle aged men parked right next to me and when they got out I heard one of them say"she must be on her period." I felt so embarrassed, I closed the windows and immediately left with an unfinished cookie in my hand. Anyone else ever get caught like this or experience something similar?
[Thinspo] Dancer Thinspo Is Seriously Everything
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Mon May 14 15:00:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jfubz/dancer_thinspo_is_seriously_everything/
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So I work in a school and my kids were asking all kinds of science questions because we were learning the first rule of science, ask questions! Anyway, one of the questions was "how flexible can a human be" so I showed them some videos of dancers and gymnasts and BOY LEMME TELL YA, that was all the thinspo I needed in the world. They were all so incredibly tiny and cute and I was just dying because I had street tacos for lunch and now I wanna fast for 11 years and do nothing but stretch. Oh gosh.
[Discussion] What pant brands have you found truest to size?
/u/myrtlewils0n
Created: Mon May 14 14:51:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jfrjx/what_pant_brands_have_you_found_truest_to_size/
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I have such a warped view of what I actually look like and shopping is hellacious. I bought shorts today from Old Navy and they were size 0. They’re a perfect fit, if not a little loose. There’s no way they’re actually size zero because I have a pair of top shop pants that are a size 6 and they’re a little tight.
What brands have you had the best luck with? Really at this point I just have my measurements and order shit online, but there’s something to be said for trying it before buying it.
I have a genuine hatred for food
/u/inlovewithyourmother
Created: Mon May 14 14:42:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jfp21/i_have_a_genuine_hatred_for_food/
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Realizing how miserable food can make me and how it's been a source of pain has made me genuinely start to hate it. Besides obviously making me fat it does other things. It gives me heartburn, it makes me bloated, gassy, tired, hurts my teeth, makes me shit multiple times a day etc. You might be thinking "oh OP you just weren't eating healthy." While I agree unhealthy stuff makes these symptoms a lot worse, any kind of food can trigger these responses.
I have found eating healthy foods only when I am genuinely lethargic from hunger is the best way for me. I am constantly losing weight now and food is having less and less power over me. In a sense it is freeing but it also a bit tiring when I go too long without food. I try to eat a little bit every 4-6 hours to avoid stupid binges and that seem to be working.
[Rant/Rave] My Boyfriend Misses Me
/u/Wigforfire
Created: Mon May 14 14:20:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jfir3/my_boyfriend_misses_me/
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Mother's day was really rough. I should have known it was going to be when I asked my mom what she wanted for mother's day and she told me that she wanted me to be healthy. I've been out of the hospital for months now and was able to maintain a healthy\(er\) weight up until recently when I gave in to my already strong urges to restrict and exercise due to my stress from finals. I figured no one would notice but I guess 10 pounds is really noticeable to other people when you're only 110 to begin with... Anyway we had lunch at my grandmother's who started the meal with a huge bowl of homemade gnocchi \(as if normal pasta didn't have enough carbs\) with sauce and cheese, and a huge bowl of risotto which luckily I wasn't guilt\-tripped into eating but did have to take home. Next she brought out vegetables and smoked ribs and mashed potatoes and even though I only ate the veggies, she drowned them in oil. It's not like I hadn't prepared for this weekend though, I have to keep up appearances for my family, but I wasn't expecting the food that was there especially since stupid me brought a big tray of my mom's favorite pastries and was expected to at least indulge in some of it \(which is really what I had been planning for\). So anyway, all of that happens, my mom is happy that I ate and had dessert and I feel secure in the fact that my boyfriend is complaining about how full he is so maybe when we get home I can sneak around eating dinner.
The whole car ride home he doesn't mention dinner at all; I wasn't feeling well anyway since I've had a really bad cold on top of allergies so I kept mentioning how shitty I felt and how I was full and felt kinda sick. We get home and for a couple hours do nothing. I go for a short walk to try to calm myself down, then lay in bed when I get back. Around 6 my boyfriend mentions dinner and I kinda mumble something and nothing more is said. A half hour later he says something again and says I need to eat dinner. I argue back that I'm not hungry so I don't know what I want and we go back and forth until finally I go and make egg whites and veggies for both of us and sit at the table silently.
After dinner I just kind of shut down, I laid in bed and faced the wall with my hood on and just thought to myself about how much I hate that I can't eat and how I don't know if eating dessert is a binge and how I hate how I treat my boyfriend when I'm like this and I don't understand how he can love me because I'm not me anymore. It was really rough but he stuck through it with me and told me that he loved watching me eat cannollis because he said that's the first time in a long time that he's seen me be "free".
Then he said it. "I miss you". He validated exactly what I new he was feeling, that even though part of me is still there it's not the girl who told him the day that we met that my favorite food is pizza and had him take me to get it on our first date. I'm not the girl who ate pasta and boiled potatoes and with a mouthful, like a fucking savage, told him that I LOVE carbs. But he loves me still and he cares, even if my disordered brain tells me that his caring is harming me, it's just harming my ED.
He told me he misses me, but he love me and he know's I'll come back
[Help] DAE in recovery struggle with regular meals? It's like I'm trying to binge/restrict all in one day....
/u/noroju17
Created: Mon May 14 14:13:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jfgpe/dae_in_recovery_struggle_with_regular_meals_its/
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I'm in recovery, I guess. I've eaten 1400 calories every day for, I don't know, coming up on 6 months. So that's good. Here's the thing: I have this seemingly insurmountable block over eating 3 regular meals. It's like the ED is saying "well, i can't make her binge/restrict on a large scale anymore.... but hell if I can't do it in one day!" I don't want to bring it up with anyone because they'd probably just be like, well you're eating enough, aren't you?
For example: I barely ate anything all day, but when I got home from school just now I ate like 1000 calories. And it doesn't help that I get migraines that are triggered by irregular meal times. I just don't know what to do. Anyone else deal with this?
[Rant/Rave] Of course I get a surprise corporate visit during a heavy restriction phase
/u/concrete_fossil
Created: Mon May 14 13:30:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jf41a/of_course_i_get_a_surprise_corporate_visit_during/
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As the title says, I've got a big deal corporate visit today. It's my first corporate visit since accepting a promotion. I've been under 500 cal for four days and under 800 for a week. I've got the shakes and I feel really lightheaded and giddy. This is gonna be amazing /s.
I'm wolfing down an Amy's Light instant meal, hopefully it helps.
[Rant/Rave] A small vent
/u/VirtualVacation
Created: Mon May 14 13:28:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jf3kg/a_small_vent/
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I previously posted about commenting on portion size... but my roommates are still so focused on my eating habits and it bugs me the fuck out!! It’s so stressful!! I love rice crackers, just let me eat them!! Sorry if I eat weird things!!! Everything seems to revolve around food with them.
I don’t really want them to notice my weight loss and I haven’t lost that much (I don’t have a scale), but my clothes are starting to get pretty loose and they keep just asking me about food... I don’t know how to please them or get them to leave me alone lol... If anyone has any wisdom for living in communal houses, I’d appreciate some tips.
What is the fastest way to lose water weight?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Mon May 14 12:56:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jetyn/what_is_the_fastest_way_to_lose_water_weight/
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I ate above maintenance for basically the whole week and I'm dying to know my true weight. For me, it'll take about a week to get rid of all the water weight, but I want to do it in like a day. Would laxatives work for this?
[Help] First date is a dinner date, how to cope?
/u/Plz_Can_You_Not
Created: Mon May 14 12:31:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jen0e/first_date_is_a_dinner_date_how_to_cope/
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I have a date with a guy on Friday, we're supposed to go to Nandos...the problem is that my stomach has shrunk so much over the past month that I can only eat about two mouthfuls of food before feeling full and I don't want to not eat most of my dish since that wouldn't leave a good first impression.
Shall I eat a bit, excuse myself, go throw up in the bathroom and then eat more or what? :/
It has to be a dinner date too because he is really excited about it and we will be drinking afterwards so I do need to have some food in my system...
[Discussion] Is anyone else just fucking exhausted all the time?
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Mon May 14 11:49:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jeakd/is_anyone_else_just_fucking_exhausted_all_the_time/
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It feels like I'm running on empty. How tf am I supposed to exercise while eating so little? But I have goals and a really strict deadline for reaching them and I can't slow down. :(
How do you deal with it when you have an event coming up?
/u/High_as_red
Created: Mon May 14 11:41:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8je88e/how_do_you_deal_with_it_when_you_have_an_event/
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You know when you realise you can't lose 50lbs in 3 days and get an incredible sense of doom and despair and you suddenly neglect your chores and hygiene. Or is that just me?
[Rant/Rave] I've lost 20 pounds and I'm at the lowest weight I've been in 2 years.
/u/bokoblin-buddy
Created: Mon May 14 11:36:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8je6ui/ive_lost_20_pounds_and_im_at_the_lowest_weight/
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About 2 years ago I went into "recovery" and gained a shit ton of weight. Like I got all the way up to 240. After a really bad break up, I ended up losing 20 of that and then entering "recovery". Well, my habits started up again and I've officially lost 22 lbs and I'm at the lowest I've been in 2 years. It feels so good and motivating to finally be below 200 lbs.
[Help] help me
/u/MobileGene
Created: Mon May 14 11:35:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8je6jy/help_me/
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Have a serious binging problem. The fasting and restricting after is becoming unbearable so I've decided to change it up. Anyone with any success in stopping binge eating thru chewing and spitting?
Is MPA still active, post-glitch?
/u/rnyth
Created: Mon May 14 10:50:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jdtkp/is_mpa_still_active_postglitch/
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I used to use MPA obsessively until all the glitches made the site totally unusable (it's actually how and why I migrated to this sub). Just wondering if anyone here is on it still, and if they know how the glitches are doing (are any fixed?) and is the forum still active?
I had the worst migraine of my life tonight but hey, on the bright side I have no appetite whatsoever!
/u/-deebrie-
Created: Mon May 14 09:50:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jdc5p/i_had_the_worst_migraine_of_my_life_tonight_but/
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That postdrome exhaustion though. I couldn't lift a fork to my mouth even if I wanted to. #silverlining
[Rant/Rave] accidentally bought regular cherry coke and didn’t realize until i got home
/u/clemintide
Created: Mon May 14 09:46:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jdas5/accidentally_bought_regular_cherry_coke_and_didnt/
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brb crying
Took a DNA test; they said I should weigh less than average...good?triggering?
/u/ifuckpineapples
Created: Mon May 14 09:22:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jd3wx/took_a_dna_test_they_said_i_should_weigh_less/
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https://i.imgur.com/TBxbNvr.png
Do you challenge yourself the duration of your fasting period, and did you lose any weight?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Mon May 14 08:43:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jcsjj/do_you_challenge_yourself_the_duration_of_your/
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I dont know what am i trying to prove, to myself or to the eating disorder specialist. i am on an appointment next with the doctor. and i have the huge urge to lose more weight, do fasting, challenge myself just to feel the high. does anyone feel this way or am i the only crazy shit?
Has anyone here had liposuction?
/u/futuredinosaur
Created: Mon May 14 08:28:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jcogv/has_anyone_here_had_liposuction/
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What did you have done? What was your experience like?
i haven't gotten my period in over a year
/u/aokaycooliobean
Created: Mon May 14 08:09:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jcj3h/i_havent_gotten_my_period_in_over_a_year/
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and i'm LOVING IT. seriously my life is so easy and i don't get cramps or have to spend money on pads. also it's really validating to know that my bodyweight is just that low that i can't even menstruate anymore. nice.
ProED buddy?
/u/thkinny
Created: Mon May 14 07:42:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jcbpl/proed_buddy/
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[removed]
I am so sorry this is offensive
/u/PARKABLE
Created: Mon May 14 07:09:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jc3ap/i_am_so_sorry_this_is_offensive/
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I 100% know this isn't a weightloss sub. I have major respect for eating disorders but I find so many nice people here it feels suitable to ask here.
Im looking for someone similar to me to go on a weightloss journey with. I am terribly unhappy with my weight. Im hoping for someone near my weight range ~180lbs that would also go on a crazy diet with me. So we can motivate eachother not to binge because my current diet IS a binge. I want to change my life fast. Do i KNOW crash diets are bad? Yes. Do I know it doesnt gaurantee long term results? Yes. But my weight constantly flunctuates and I sometimes eat 300 cals a day for a week and sometimes 5000 a day. Im attempting a diet where there is routine. And I would love someone to share it with
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! May 14, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 14 06:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jbr80/weekly_stats_update_may_14_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for May 14, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 14, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 14 06:14:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jbr71/daily_food_diary_may_14_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 14, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
I just booked something and I need to tell someone
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Mon May 14 06:06:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jbpml/i_just_booked_something_and_i_need_to_tell_someone/
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I booked in for CoolSculpting - fat freeze lipo baisically. Price was extremely reasonable and I'm earning good money atm so I did it. Even pre ED I've always been extremely insecure about my stomach (and it's not just BDD it's genuinely disproportionately big) and I feel like if I could just get rid of this stubborn fat I'd be... Calmer?
I've told my best friend about the procedure before and she was like "hell yeah, I'd do it" but I feel so weird actually going to get it done, almost secretly.
Like, I know it's not going into "cure" my disordered realationship with food but I feel like maybe I won't be trying to starve away stubborn fat anymore, hell, even at like 90lbs I felt conscious of it.
I just needed to tell someone. Also if anyone had any reviews or experiences on CS, please share!!
[Rant/Rave] I’ve lost 40 pounds!
/u/supemery
Created: Mon May 14 05:41:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jbke7/ive_lost_40_pounds/
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I don’t know I wanted to post this in r/keto but I was worried about people looking at my post history and being assholes.
My primary problem all my life has been bingeing (3000-5000 calories a day). I started keto and significantly cut down on the bingeing through restricting. I still have bad periods of time where I slip back into bingeing. That post about a sign not to binge has really helped me the past few days. I printed it out and read it everyday. Anyway, I’m still fat as fuck, but less fat as fuck and I’m proud of myself. I just wanted to celebrate so please don’t make me cry by being a jerk.
Is it really all about CICO?
/u/UniqueCranberry
Created: Mon May 14 05:22:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jbgum/is_it_really_all_about_cico/
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I've read about and have tried, at some point, various crash diets. PSMF (protein sparing modified fast) and the fat fast (coconut oil exclusively all day) and both have worked wonders. But for both, I was eating 600-800 calories a day.
I just read **Wasted** again and was reminded that she counted calories but didn't follow any specific diet. So I go back to my question. Does it matter what I eat, so long as it's under 600 calories hypothetically?
[Discussion] DAE cycle through weeks of really easy restriction and then binge for another couple of weeks?
/u/Kummerspeck101
Created: Mon May 14 03:37:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jaz84/dae_cycle_through_weeks_of_really_easy/
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I've been cycling through the same four pounds for ages now and I'm SO SO SO SO SO SICK OF IT. I was doing so well with restricting last week and now I just ate a whole bar of chocolate. Fuuuuuuuuck me in my cheese hole.
Really Weird Question?
/u/whimsicalfae776
Created: Mon May 14 03:21:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jawv3/really_weird_question/
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Does anyone get triggered by therapy? I know that's super bizarre but I swear to god whenever someone asks how I'm doing or if I go into a "therapeutic environment"- even stuff as simple as self-help stuff on campus I internally freak the fuck out. It makes no sense at all. I stopped attending appointments a year ago(went to college) and gained back 20lbs. I hadn't lost any weight since then. I also quit this sub for ~5 months. However, I'm back at home and every time someone asks if I need "extra supports" because they were under the impression that I had a therapist at university I get super stressed and suddenly want to restrict again. I don't get it. Even "spa" zen-like stuff puts me on edge. Incense, heated rocks, and certain music makes me want to immediately leave the room? I was never harmed or abused by a therapist or anything like that and I'm not afraid of talking about my problems. I'm *extremely* emotionally open with my close friends. I'm becoming convinced that I might have a literal phobia of therapy/mindfulness. Any insight as to why?
[Other] Successfully didn’t purge dinner tonight, in an effort to break bad habits
/u/myrtlewils0n
Created: Mon May 14 03:14:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8javmu/successfully_didnt_purge_dinner_tonight_in_an/
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...ended up getting food poisoning from the Mexican food anyways. There has to be some sort of punchline here, I’m just too dehydrated to see it rip
[Discussion] How much coffee is a good idea during fasts?
/u/Odinheim
Created: Mon May 14 02:19:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8janmy/how_much_coffee_is_a_good_idea_during_fasts/
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So, lately, I've developed this personal trend.
I eat 600-1000 cals on the weekends, and fast during the weekdays. I drink black coffee frequently to quell hunger cues, but also find that tea, SF monster, diet soda or water does fine too.
I get jittery with too much coffee, though, and it's very effective at keeping me awake, so I'm up drooling all night over Pinterest recipes.
How 'bout you?
When your boyfriend wants to treat you but you’re not fussy 😭
/u/ChasingHouse
Created: Mon May 14 02:09:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jam2g/when_your_boyfriend_wants_to_treat_you_but_youre/
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https://i.imgur.com/kIDvpJe.jpg
[Rant/Rave] wow i just realized i actually might have an ed and idk what to do now
/u/junglebooks
Created: Mon May 14 02:08:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jam0f/wow_i_just_realized_i_actually_might_have_an_ed/
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this sounds really stupid but i was kind of in denial about having any kind of eating disorder until a few days ago i saw this post on a body progress sub from someone who has an ed gaining weight and going into recovery. this girl who is an inch shorter than me and few pounds heavier is gaining weight because she’s in recovery. like holy shit, she was literally unhealthy at her first weight and in treatment for an eating disorder. my current weight is not a good or healthy on to be at.
idk what’s wrong with me tbh. i like to track my calories and eat around 1200-1400 when my tdee is supposed to be like 1630. and i’ve also lost like ten pounds from my sophomore year and grown two inches- i used to be 5’7” and 127 and now i’m 5’9” and 118. my doctor keeps on sending me emails about gaining weight whenever i go to the office and get weighed but since i’ve been sick every time she doesn’t think i have an ed.
the worst part is i feel cold and tired a lot of the time but i’m terrified to gain weight (even though i think i look too skinny and bony now) because i don’t want to look fat either and i’m scared all my weight will go to my stomach or something. i’ve always had a low, but not underweight bmi before now so idk where my fat distributes. anyways i have no idea what to do now or how to deal with this. lol life is great.
[Rant/Rave] ‘Perfect’ restriction day ruined by parents.
/u/moisiny
Created: Mon May 14 02:04:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jalh1/perfect_restriction_day_ruined_by_parents/
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I just feel really put out right now. I spent the whole day being so good? I had a large homemade iced coffee (158), 6 rice cakes with pb (364) and a litre of water, and a smaller homemade coffee (83).
Then my parents came home and decided no I couldn’t have my low calorie soup for dinner, they were getting Indian take away.
I knew it would be high cal and I had no choice. I’m lucky I’m a vegetarian and they don’t make me have rice/bread with it.
Still ended up being (at least bc I don’t know if I trust it) 270 calories I didn’t want or need.
Does anyone else relate? Being ‘good’ all day and it being spoiled by something you couldn’t control?
My coworker used my name as a synonym for small yesterday!
/u/PM_M3_UR_SECRETS
Created: Mon May 14 01:48:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jaj5h/my_coworker_used_my_name_as_a_synonym_for_small/
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He was on the phone with my boss because he couldn't find a company shirt in his size and then he was like "How am I supposed to find a shirt I can fit in, the only ones we have are like PM_M3_UR_SECRETS-sized."
For some reason that one comment has felt like more of a compliment than all of the other people directly commenting on my weight loss. Especially since my other boss is a tiny asian woman and he could have easily used her as an example instead of me. I feel so motivated lol
[Rant/Rave] The Urge To Purge
/u/anonboi420
Created: Mon May 14 01:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jadwc/the_urge_to_purge/
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I’ve binged and purged ice cream like four times this week. I just did it and don’t understand how I’m not sick of this shit yet... like just cleaned myself up after kneeling over the toilet for the past little bit and am now contemplating getting a 99cent cone from McDonald’s. Moments ago I was in pain hating myself (still do but not as much after purging) and now I’m trying to resist the urge. The urge to purge. Fuck.
[Discussion] what's the highest no. of calories you'd consider eating for a single item of food?
/u/innocentkitty
Created: Mon May 14 01:03:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jac8s/whats_the_highest_no_of_calories_youd_consider/
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I'm always really intrigued to know other people's thoughts/rules about this. This is generally the factor I watch out for to know when I'm getting really bad, so maybe this could be of help to someone.
For me at the moment it's about 200. Anything any more than that I'm kind of like hell no, even if it would constitute an entire meal the number just feels way too high for one thing (although ironically I'll then happily go on to eat 3 or 4 100cal things anyway). I cringe so hard when I'm at the store and see 600 calorie pre packaged sandwiches which I used to live off. I don't think I'm bad with it at the moment but I could definitely be better since I ~know~ 200 calories is nothing.
Saying this though I did eat an entire 450g container of takeaway egg fried rice last night which was probably around ~900 and I didn't actually feel guilty about it despite having 300 calories throughout the day! baby steps.
wbu?
My girlfriend has an ED. Need advice.
/u/TWIGGY_BOI
Created: Mon May 14 00:53:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8jaalg/my_girlfriend_has_an_ed_need_advice/
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Let me preface this by saying, I don't mean to be reductive, or demeaning if it comes off that way. I know how serious this is, I am just trying to be better for the woman I love.
I feel like I am in over my head here, this is pretty far removed from the normal "relationship handbook". I figured, it wouldn't hurt to ask for advice here. I am looking for common pitfalls, things that might be considered triggering, anything relevant, and general advice.
So far, I have learned:
*What a fear food is, and if she eats one for whatever reason she is going to be miserable.
*If the "f" word ever comes up in conversation to immediately be supportive.
*There is a "mental block" that prevents her from seeing how beautiful she actually is. There is nothing I can do to help with this.
*Not to say triggering shit(Still working on this because it is pretty nebulous)
I need help understanding what she is going through.
[Rant/Rave] "You should stop now"
/u/throwaway254411
Created: Mon May 14 00:42:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ja91r/you_should_stop_now/
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Words said by my boyfriend. Meaning I should stop losing weight. He said he's afraid I'll lose my ass and boobs. I don't know how to feel. Like, I'm relieved. I thought he wanted me to lose weight, but turns out I was just being insecure. But I also don't want to stop because I'm nowhere near underweight. Maybe I can make my goal weight a more "normal" number.
I had 400 calories for the first time in a while
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Sun May 13 23:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ja0t7/i_had_400_calories_for_the_first_time_in_a_while/
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It feels like I ate too much today. I had two tablespoons of chocolate ice cream, I gave in to a rice krispy treat, and I had a cup of white rice. In total that's about 409 calories or so. I had two diet sodas too which is fine, but I feel like shit. My boyfriend is trying to tell me that it's okay, that I need to eat, it's for the better, that he's proud, and I know all of that, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel like shit. I wish I could throw it all up. I didn't need to eat today. I've been so weak recently. I don't have any excuses this time. I gave in and didn't have any discipline. I need to lose weight and I won't be this way. My metabolism is so slow that eating this amount will make me lose progress.
Fuck everything about this week!
/u/BiByBye
Created: Sun May 13 23:44:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j9zui/fuck_everything_about_this_week/
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I really need to get this off my chest and I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. This week can go fuck itself. First thing in the morning as soon as this week started, I was moving my chair outside cuz it was beautiful and warm and I was going to have my coffee outside and enjoy the day. Fucking rolled my ankle stepping off the porch, ate shit, and now my leg from the knee down is a scraped up, bruised, swollen mess. The next day I found out that a friend from work, who was one of the most amazing people and a constant source of inspiration to me, passed away due to cancer. The day after that I cleaned out my fridge and went on a bike ride. Well my dog got into the garbage, ate something bad and I ended up having to hold her, crying my eyes out, as she shook, convulsed, and looked absolutely terrified for 4 hours. And of course no vets were open so I just had to sit there and comfort her and beg life not to take her from me. Fortunately she recovered and is fine now. The day after that I fell off my bike and jammed my wrist. The next day the guy I had been seeing, who was also my best fucking friend, told me he has an STD and I should get checked. He also said no matter the outcome he's never having sex again, and that he'd been imagining a future where we got married and now that was all ruined. Day after that I got up, stubbed my toe, cracking the toenail about halfway down. Today I messaged dude to try to see if he'd come to his senses at all so we could have a conversation about things and he pretty much told me to fuck off and leave him alone and now he's ignoring my messages. I just want to fucking die. I have to go in tomorrow to get checked to see if I have herpes and I have no support or anyone to talk to and I'm just barely holding together. I pretty much had to force myself to eat the past two days, but now I dont even care. I can shrivel up and die from starvation for all I care. Hey at least I'll hit my goal weight on the way there, right?
[Other] Just took 5 pills of laxatives
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Sun May 13 23:10:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j9u1l/just_took_5_pills_of_laxatives/
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My fasting was successful yesterday. But I woke up feeling hungry today so I ate little for breakfast. My mother's going to fry pork cutlet today. So I am going to take laxatives to "flush" out everything I have eaten later. I just wanna make sure I am losing weight as I planned.
Has anyone seen the movie "I feel pretty"?
/u/gogobingegadget
Created: Sun May 13 22:55:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j9rcp/has_anyone_seen_the_movie_i_feel_pretty/
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I want to discuss this movie with some like-minded individuals.
I saw it today, and despite it being a dumb comedy, some parts really stuck out to me:
There is a part of the movie, for example, where the protagonist gets undressed piece by piece in front of the mirror and then stares at her body in the reflection. I regularly stare in the mirror for half an hour at a time just wondering if the image in the reflection can be characterized as "good" or "acceptable." Like the main character in the movie, I would give almost anything to be considered conventionally beautiful.
The movie had a cloying feel-good lesson about self-acceptance, but aside from that it made me think about how obsessed I am about beauty as a source of personal value.
Have any of you seen this movie? What is your take on the topic?
(Rant/rave) weird food memory that is making me feel like shit
/u/sometimessadgirl
Created: Sun May 13 22:50:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j9qhy/rantrave_weird_food_memory_that_is_making_me_feel/
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Can anyone relate to this type of scenario? Back when I was dating my ex, we were at his parents house and his mom was ordering thai food and asked what I wanted. I was high restricting so I asked for some noodle dish and figured I would just eat some of it. Well the food got there and we had the food like all spread out and I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to eat our “own” dishes that we ordered or if it was like a take a little bit of each dish situation. I felt so nervous and just barely ate a few noodles because I was so anxious at that point unsure of what the expectations were. I was terrified to grab the dish I asked for because I didn’t want them to think I was being greedy or something. I don’t even know how to explain it. After I did grab it and put some of the noodles on my plate I awkwardly was like “I can’t eat all of this feel free to have some” and immediately I wished the words hadn’t left my mouth. Like they paid for the food so it wasn’t mine to offer? Idk I just feel like I can’t do/say anything right around food. This happened like two years ago it just randomly popped into my head and sent a shock wave of shame through my body. I usually wouldn’t have anyone yon vent about this to but then I remembered I can vent here and most likely people will relate. So thank you for being here proed people, and thanks for understanding. It’s nice to not feel so alone.
[Other] My lowest point - puking on someone's property
/u/tobethinspo
Created: Sun May 13 22:49:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j9qbn/my_lowest_point_puking_on_someones_property/
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Dear the person whose property I puked on, Im sorry.
I've been on a family vacation staying in a small little cabin down the steep hill (slash cliff) from your place for the past few days. This afternoon my father was relentlessly pushing me, correcting every little thing I did, and not giving me a moment's peace. I finally cracked and told him I was going for a walk. I instead ran/ scurried up this hill/cliff to where I discovered your property with your trailer sitting near by.
As I'm a multiple times a day purger, food comes up really easily. And cause I'm so out of shape due to avoidance of exercising in public, the run up the hill was enough to make me heave. Before I knew it chunks of my 'binge' on comfort food I was eating to cope with my dad was coming up. Soon I was purging hands-free (for the first time) on the edge of your property in the trees.
I must've been there for 30 minutes retching and making a racket. And if you didn't hear me then, you definitely heard me when I left, slipping and sliding back down the hill, stepping on branches, and knocking rocks down the hill. I knew you if you were there you heard me, but let me be. Thank you for being kind enough to give me some privacy.
I sincerely hope you don't find the 'gift' I left you hidden under some leaves.
Best,
A visiting EDNOS girl
TLDR; Dad getting on my nerves, ran up a steep forest hill, threw up by accident at the top at the edge of someone's lawn, ended up hands-free purging for the first time
[Discussion] Fit bit accuracy?
/u/pickles023
Created: Sun May 13 22:01:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j9h7y/fit_bit_accuracy/
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So I’ve had my fit bit for a few months now, and I love it. But does anyone know of they’re actually accurate with their calorie counts? It counted me learning to ride a motorcycle as active minutes today, and honestly it’s freaking me out because I feel like it shouldn’t have counted? I don’t know. Does anyone know how accurate they are?
So stressed rn
/u/tjking333
Created: Sun May 13 21:41:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j9dhf/so_stressed_rn/
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I weighed myself using a friend's scale and the difference in my weight is 10lbs. I have absolutely no idea what my weight actually is rn or which scale is incorrect. This is so dumb.
Anyone else constantly torn between being lonely and just wanting to be left alone with their ED?
/u/LLazarus732
Created: Sun May 13 21:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j9db0/anyone_else_constantly_torn_between_being_lonely/
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I spend a lot of time wishing I wasn’t alone or wanting to hang out with people, but then I’m around them and absolutely hate having to eat with them and feeling pressure to eat when and what they’re eating and hate hearing comments about my food and I just want to be left alone to starve or eat everything in peace. /r/
Bronkaid or Primatine?
/u/BiByBye
Created: Sun May 13 21:31:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j9bit/bronkaid_or_primatine/
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Does anyone know if Primatine or Bronkaid is available OTC in California? Unfortunately I'm in Oregon, where it requires a prescription. :( I'm willing to take a drive down to California to get some, but I cant really find any recent info on if it's still considered legal there and dont want to waste the gas if its not. Anyone from California able to confirm if it's available OTC?
Thank you!
I hate myself and my relationship with food. It either makes me hate myself, or it's the only thing that gives me relief.
/u/takethisedandshoveit
Created: Sun May 13 21:17:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j98na/i_hate_myself_and_my_relationship_with_food_it/
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I know this is pretty obvious and applies to most people here because we have eating disorders. But fuck, I hate that my relationship with food is so black and white and toxic. Just wanted to make a quick rant about this. How do you deal with all this bullshit?
Binged all weekend
/u/snottygurl
Created: Sun May 13 21:10:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j97en/binged_all_weekend/
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I had off this whole weekend and I’m finally feeling better after my appendectomy which caused me to loose 5lbs (yay). I’m now feeling like shit because I binged all weekend since I’m back at my own place after being at my parents house for a week recovering. I ate out 4 times!!! I feel so gross in my own skin rn.
[TW: Sexual Abuse] Met With An Old Friend and Shit Got Real
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Sun May 13 21:05:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j96bz/tw_sexual_abuse_met_with_an_old_friend_and_shit/
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Not quite ED related but I met with an old friend who knows my background with my ED as well as when I was with my ex, she was the only one who knew of all the abuse I faced when I was with him. Thank you for all of the support throughout my time here, I have another account so I've been a part of the community for a while and I just love this sub so much.
Well she brought up some pretty sore subjects and my ex got brought up again and she told me how horrible I looked when I was with him, and all the times I had cried to her when he had sodomized me. And she told me I look nearly worse now because of all the weight I had lost.
This really fucked me up. Especially when she used the word "sodomized" but to make matters worse, she asked me if my current SO was abusing me because I look so bad.
No... I'm just depressed. Thanks for asking.
I just need some support after this, I've been binging since it happened and I'm just so sick of myself. I feel like damaged goods or like I'm just a fucking victim.
Book post?
/u/xveritaserumx
Created: Sun May 13 21:04:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j964m/book_post/
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Hey! With the new reddit design \(ugh\) I can't see the old sidebar stuff anymore. I wanted to look at some of the books on that library/book post that was on the sidebar. Does someone have a link to it? I wasn't sure what to search for.
You ever eat weird disgusting things?
/u/cupcakeraynebowjones
Created: Sun May 13 20:42:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j91fj/you_ever_eat_weird_disgusting_things/
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I'm eating cat food this week.
I need to stop bingeing/purging, and I want to lose weight. So good-tasting food is out. But I need some protein because I work a manual labor job.
Solution? Eat a cup of cat food every night bitch LOL
I've binged on really absurd things too. Sticks of butter.. halfway through a can of sweetened condensed milk it stops being pleasant, and I force myself to eat the rest as punishment.
I confide in some people that I have a problem with irregular eating... But if the people around me knew my true habits, they would never look at me the same way again. I am in fact a pile of shit.
Tell me your worst please
Bloated and swollen after rare instance of drinking on the weekend
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Sun May 13 20:36:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j90bs/bloated_and_swollen_after_rare_instance_of/
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I rarely drink but had a celebratory event on the weekend and ended up drinking probably 1.5 bottles of wine over the day, plus all the rich and salty foods that were there.
2 days later and my hands, wrists, upper arms, ankles, feet are so swollen!!! I feel D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G and so so so big. I just want it to go back to normal and have my veins popping out 😭
Does anyone else get this effect from alcohol? Does restriction/the ED cause more significant reactions that in “normal” people?
New to this
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Sun May 13 20:01:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j8t1q/new_to_this/
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So I’ve been mostly interacting on ED focused subreddits because I feel I can be truly honest in them. I just saw this subreddit linked in one of them.
I’ve been reading a lot about rituals surrounding eating and thought that wasn’t me. But I can’t let my legs touch when I eat, can’t eat anything before noon, won’t eat anything that I haven’t paid for or that a trusted friend has paid for. I have to eat as quickly as possible but then also need to chug a lot of water after, followed by a long walk. I tend to eat very, very little on weekends.
If you look through my post history you can see that this has/is consuming my life. Completely. My child has noticed and it’s heart breaking and I wish I could reason my way out of this. I cannot let this seem normal to her.
I will think about my one meal all day long and then I eat it and I feel like there’s no taste to it. I get full so quickly. It’s fucking awful.
My hair has started to fall out recently though which is wildly distressing. And I’m 9 days late on my period, which is highly irregular for me with my IUD. I can set my watch by my period after having it put in and now all of a sudden it’s just not here. Does this mean I’m sick enough that it’s gone?
I’m just rambling at this point.
Ate too much today :(
/u/ekwater
Created: Sun May 13 19:55:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j8rhw/ate_too_much_today/
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Started off the day with a massive breakfast, a sizeable lunch, and then a fucking huge dinner/dessert.
It was all really delicious food and enjoyable to eat but it came in between 2.5k and 3k cals.
I did go running today for 1/2 an hour and then I reffed kids soccer for 3.5 hours \(lots of time on my feet, jogging/running but also walking/shuffling\).
I just feel guilty for going so much over even though I know realistically I could gain 0.4 lbs max not factoring in exercise cals... I just know I'm going to see a water weight spike...
Just venting I guess. Tomorrow I plan on having a small breakfast/lunch, not snacking, and having a pretty small dinner. I don't want to let myself get into a binge/restrict pattern where I feel like I have to "make up" for eating so much today, but I am going to eat slightly less tomorrow \(I don't restrict v low anyhow\).
[Help] Good TDEE calculator?
/u/Bleepbloopbroke
Created: Sun May 13 19:37:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j8npe/good_tdee_calculator/
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I'm so stressed out because I want to be accurate but at the same time I end up needing to take the lowest value I can find. Also, anyone have tips for determining activity level? I do soccer 3x per week, 2 half hour runs, and a moderate amount of walking.
Thanks y'all
[Discussion] Anyone else have a parent who constantly says the wrong things?
/u/birdlawlogic
Created: Sun May 13 19:22:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j8kgm/anyone_else_have_a_parent_who_constantly_says_the/
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I still live with my dad and I’m the process of moving out hopefully soon. He’s not a bad guy and he has never had any idea I’ve had eating issues but he’s always made the worst comments about what I’m eating and lately it’s gotten unbearable. I was just eating onions like just some chopped onions in a plate and he said “that’s too many onions that’s not good for you” eating beans? That’s too much sodium. Eating fruit? You should be eating almonds instead. The only thing he hasn’t said something about lately was when I was eating tuna. I don’t even know what is acceptable to eat at this point. I was coming downstairs to get a glass of water and was lingering to wait for him to leave the kitchen. He asked why I was lurking and I was tempted to say I was afraid he would tell me there was too many carbs in a glass of water but didn’t want to give myself away.
I don’t want to call him out because it already makes me so upset and uncomfortable but I don’t want to open a conversation up about my weight which in 22 years we have never had. I’ve had issues with bulimia and disordered eating since I was in grade school and the source has almost totally been because of his comments.
God damn does anyone else have to deal with this sort of thing?
"That's the smallest size we sell."
/u/hotelbell
Created: Sun May 13 19:20:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j8k16/thats_the_smallest_size_we_sell/
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Let me preface by saying that I know this whole thing is going to sound like I'm trying to brag, but I swear I'm not. I'm still not sure how I feel about this.
I don't buy clothes. I just don't. I have hated the whole clothes-shopping thing since I broke down in a Forever 21 when I was maybe thirteen. Also I'm picky as hell. But literally none of my skirts or pants will even stay up now, and I can't go pants-less at work. So today, I decided, was the day I'd find at least two new pieces of clothing designed to keep me decent in public, a.k.a. pants.
I went in alone. I won't name the store, but they're already notorious for 'slim' cuts that don't fit the average American body, I guess. I have no idea what size I wear (though I know my inseam) and I haven't been weighed in about four months. I found a style of pants I liked, brought literally five different sizes into the fitting room. All too big. I ask the associate whether he might help me find the next size down as I hold the 23x32 pair out to him. He laughs and I can feel he wants to roll his eyes. But alas: "That's the smallest size we sell," pointing at the tag.
I put the 23s on one more time and decided they'd work with a belt okay. Bought them. Now I'm home and...I don't know.
Like, where do I go from here? What even am I doing? What's my goal?
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] Enlightened mint chocolate chip ice cream is so delicious
/u/pailblusea
Created: Sun May 13 19:15:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j8ixu/rantrave_enlightened_mint_chocolate_chip_ice/
---
On mobile, can't flair.
I tried some Enlightened ice cream today for the first time and it was the mint chocolate chip. It's the most delicious thing I have eaten all month. 🙌🏻 Pinch me now so I can die happy! 😍
On a ice cream high right now, I better go workout an hour and burn this shit off.
That's all.
/shitpost
[Rant/Rave] So wasteful
/u/QueenOfAwfulChoices
Created: Sun May 13 18:45:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j8cl0/so_wasteful/
---
I binged this weekend. And I’m all geared up to (over)correct and restrict this week... but I have food I don’t normally have in my fridge. I’m torn between tossing it and being wasteful or hoping it doesn’t go bad until I feel more under control again.
It’s so silly... it isn’t even unhealthy stuff. It’s stuff that most people wouldn’t think twice about. I have about 5ounces of humus (~380 cals worth). This is the big scary food my brain is trying to save me from. I know it’s silly so I feel so wasteful even thinking about getting rid of the food.
I’m just frustrated that my brain can realize it’s being ridiculous and still desperately hold onto the ridiculous notion at the same time. It feels like insanity.
I also had a very stressful therapy session this afternoon so I think I’m just frustrated in general right now and taking it out on the contents of my fridge. I have much more important things to worry about but I can’t seem to get my brain to cooperate. So.. sorry but figured I’d share and see if I can get my brain to move on.
My mom is trying to make me gain weght and its driving me nuts
/u/dwyerdunce
Created: Sun May 13 18:43:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j8c5k/my_mom_is_trying_to_make_me_gain_weght_and_its/
---
I go to uni in a country different from the one where my parents live, so I've been able to control what I eat and when I eat it. But now I'm back with them for the summer, both my parents are constantly on top of me about my weight. One of the first things that my dad said to me when we met again after my first year of uni was "you've become too skinny". And honestly I don't even think it's true. I feel like I'm only considered skinny according to their cultural standards but I'm not that skinny when I compare myself to other girls at uni. But the comments that I get from them aren't even that bad, what's really annoying me is how much my mom is constantly stuffing me with food.
Yesterday morning I woke up and went to the kitchen for breakfast and my mom said she was going to make me "almond milk" so I was like heck yeah I'll finally get some low\-cal milk. What she actually did was grind up some almonds and then add those to skim milk. Essentially doubling the calories of skim milk. And then she makes me pour in some honey into it too. Now I have to drink that two times a day. I almost wanted to just throw it out but since I'm in a country with really bad food shortages I really can't bring myself to do it. My mom is hell bent on trying to make me gain weight.
Like this is so frustrating I could almost cry. On the one hand I really appreciate that I have parents who care about my health and pay attention to me but I just wish I had more control over what I put in my mouth. I've only been here for a week. I have no fucking idea how I'll manage to be here for another **three months**. I also feel like a little bitch for complaining about parents who give me too much food when people are starving in this country. Sorry for this long ass rant, I just needed to say this somewhere.
anyone with higher BMIs or people with just BED here?
/u/PsychoticGiggles
Created: Sun May 13 18:38:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j8b6j/anyone_with_higher_bmis_or_people_with_just_bed/
---
Making sure I'm welcome here lol
[Other] unexpected compliment, my coworker told me I should be a stripper lol
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Sun May 13 18:33:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j89ym/unexpected_compliment_my_coworker_told_me_i/
---
at work today my coworker was saying how strippers make a ton of money and he’s thinking about stripping his way through college, but he thinks he’s too fat to be on a pole. then he asked me why I’m not a stripper yet and that I should do it. im just flattered that he thinks I will look good on a pole like wow me looking good in something skimpy and revealing, what a concept
[Goal] What’s going to happen to my body?
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Sun May 13 18:31:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j89kn/whats_going_to_happen_to_my_body/
---
So now that swim season is over and I don’t have to eat normal, I’m going back to this. I feel like I’ve grown exponentially but at the same time i feel fit. I have prom in 2-3 weeks so I feel like I need to lose some weight before I but the dress on.
My routine for the next few weeks will be:
-Monday/Wednesday/Friday: run 1-2 miles (9 min mile pace) in the morning, swim at club for 2 hours
-Tuesday/Thursday: run 1 mile, go to club but only swim 1 hour and workout 1 hour
I might run 3 times a week depending on how tired I am from club practice but other than that I’m hoping to stick to this. And I also plan on sticking to ~1000 calories (maybe ~1250). I know this is a bit much but I just really want that prom dress to look nice. Will i lose any weight before then or is 3 weeks too soon?
[Rant/Rave] This lifestyle is pretty ridiculous
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Sun May 13 18:14:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j85yl/this_lifestyle_is_pretty_ridiculous/
---
When I hear about people with an eating disorder I'm like, why? Why would you waste your time with that shit?
...then here I am dividing a packet of 13 biscuits to find the calories in 1 (it's 19). Weighing popcorn. Wincing at a ready meal that says '200kcal per portion' on it.
I will say something though, it's changed my tea and caffeine habits. Going from three sugars and full fat milk to one sugar and soya milk, four cans of coke day to none, and drinking no water to 2L of water a day.
Technically I'm healthier, so I don't see what's wrong with the way I eat. But then if someone else had my diet I'd be cooking them lasagne and ordering pizza for dessert.
Crazy how that works.
I fucking purged again.
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Sun May 13 17:59:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j82na/i_fucking_purged_again/
---
Whyyyy??? I was allowing myself to eat today. I didn't force myself to get sick it just happened. Is it possible that I can no longer eat anything without getting sick ? All I had was some watermelon this morning and a spinach salad for dinner.
[Rant/Rave] [Rant] When I get hungry, I drink wine instead.
/u/rainbowicecoffee
Created: Sun May 13 17:45:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j7zii/rant_when_i_get_hungry_i_drink_wine_instead/
---
Probably just out of laziness, I get hungry and start to wonder "Okay, I need to make something healthy but filling and also tasty.." but I can't think of anything so I instead just drink red wine and forget that I'm hungry. Until I'm too buzzed to care anymore and eat a package of ritz crackers for dinner. Sigh
[Rant/Rave] Just a Rant About Working in a Restuarant
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sun May 13 17:40:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j7yoq/just_a_rant_about_working_in_a_restuarant/
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I'm sorry if this is just me complaining, but I get so irritated working as a hostess in a restuarant. I hate listening to people chew their food and go "Mmmm" and "yummy" and "this is so delicious". I hate seeing them order dessert they dont need. I hate working in a restaurant and I hate being around food all day long. I want to go home. Sorry, I'm really irritated today.
[Discussion] DAE get really upset when someone orders more food for them than they wanted?
/u/JimMakingTheFace
Created: Sun May 13 17:19:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j7u49/dae_get_really_upset_when_someone_orders_more/
---
My parents got Chinese takeout and I only asked for a cup of soup, but they got me a bowl and extra dumplings and stuff. I feel so wasteful and kind of betrayed. They don’t know about my issues with food, but it’s like they don’t think Im adult enough to make this decision myself, you know? I just wanted a cup of soup and now I feel like I’ve wasted so much food because I cannot bring myself to eat the rest.
If I could just get a little tinier, I’d be happy
/u/fethe56
Created: Sun May 13 17:05:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j7qy0/if_i_could_just_get_a_little_tinier_id_be_happy/
---
https://i.redd.it/9cf6ef4efpx01.jpg
[Discussion] Do you guys find looking at food makes you more or less likely to binge
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sun May 13 17:00:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j7pux/do_you_guys_find_looking_at_food_makes_you_more/
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Like most of us, I spend a lot of my free time looking at food on instagram and walking around stores to look at food and not buy anything.
Do you guys think this helps or hurts? I don’t usually give in to binges our of hunger, but more frustration that I can’t eat like a normal person so I only give in in social situations for the most part so I’m not sure if there is a correlation between fantasizing about food and giving in for me, but I was wondering what your guys opinions are?
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms keeping it (for the most part) together!
/u/Sidehothrowaway
Created: Sun May 13 16:41:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j7lo8/happy_mothers_day_to_all_the_moms_keeping_it_for/
---
We got this ladies. It feels like we don't, but we do. Work, school, baths, meals, homework, ballet, wifey duties, cub scouts, house cleaning...wallowing in self pity, staring into the abyss...whatever.
My amazing husband and kids got me a bouquet of daisies and pink roses and a Mother's day balloon and brought it to work. Then they got me a Himalayan salt cooking stone! Been wanting one for a long time! No extra protein or carb calories... Just electrolytes and flavor. So pumped!
.... holy shit
/u/kaitlynethomas8
Created: Sun May 13 16:38:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j7l4x/holy_shit/
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My family booked a reservation for a buffet tonight and I’m having a panic attack😭 and my skinny friend is coming to visit me tomorrow I’m so done for lol
guys i got my first halo top!!!
/u/lua0
Created: Sun May 13 16:37:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j7kw3/guys_i_got_my_first_halo_top/
---
https://i.redd.it/m16d3xefapx01.jpg
[Help] Need desperate help with Reddit Acct
/u/MND4ever
Created: Sun May 13 16:12:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j7fc4/need_desperate_help_with_reddit_acct/
---
I’m sorry for asking for help here and I’m not using my usual proED acct. I unfortunately posted on another sub and was so cruelly crucified that I’m desperate to delete all my comments and acct but can’t figure out how.
This is the only sub that was ever genuinely kind and supportive and I’m so distraught I don’t know what else to do. They’ve made me want to just give up everything. I can’t take this.
I have to remove the comments out of fear of being identified. I’m terrified and I can’t comprehend such unwarranted cruelty.
Any info would be helpful. I have to get off of Reddit. I can’t handle ppl treating each other like this.
I’m sorry
Thanks, brain
/u/billionsofatoms
Created: Sun May 13 16:06:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j7e0w/thanks_brain/
---
I know a lot of us can relate to this. I planned to eat around 800cal of healthy food today. And I did. And then more. I hit 1070, and I really didn't need those pistachios. But hey, they're "healthy"...kinda...I also walked my legs off today for over 3h so...It's not all bad...
But now to take the piss out of me, my brain is all like: *Hey, psst, I know it's still a deficit but...ya know, you could have eaten 200 cal less, that's roughly 28 grams of body mass you could've lost a bit faster. YOU GLUTTONOUS WALRUS! *
😕 Stupid brain, I'll never be normal again.
SO basically hello there, how was your day guys? 😂
[Discussion] Guilty pleasure
/u/yanaBae
Created: Sun May 13 15:42:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j78ag/guilty_pleasure/
---
What are everyone's guilty pleasures?
Thought it might be a fun discussion
Mine (a little nsfw) is when I'm in a purging phase and I lose my gag reflex.... the fuckbois win that one Ana:D (Ana 0- fuckbois 1)
What's yours?
Recovery woes
/u/kittencatmeows1
Created: Sun May 13 15:30:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j75ev/recovery_woes/
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I used to be thin, went crazy, got fat.
Had a relapse and was restricting to under 1000 calories, also got new meds right around the same time. Meds worked, I felt less crazy and now I'm trying to eat at maintenance. My nutritionist wants me to not lose or gain for a month so she can give me data.
Maintenance is so HARD. I can't tell when I'm hungry, I can't tell when I am full. Everything I put in my mouth has to be healthy asf or else I freak about my nutritionist seeing me eat it.
For my sanity I have a scheduled fast day on Sunday, but I am cooking mother's day food (brunch dessert dinner ect) and I keep snagging tastes. It's so easy to fast when I am restricting, but right now it's so difficult.
I'm angry at my brain. I am angry at my body, I don't know why I am doing this. I felt more in control when I was giving into my disordered ways. Now I feel confused and annoyed and I'm hungry but disgusted all at the same time
[Discussion] My mom sat me down because “we need to have a talk about what you’ve been eating lately”
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Sun May 13 15:14:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j71e0/my_mom_sat_me_down_because_we_need_to_have_a_talk/
---
And you guys...
Pregnant. She thought I was pregnant.
APPARENTLY eating jars and jars of pickles in all shapes and sizes and styles means that your sweet daughter is pregnant. Not that she likes pickles, not the truth that it’s my favorite safe food and I have a crippling eating disorder, no. I’m pregnant if I eat pickles.
LMAO.
[Discussion] Does anyone else feel empty?
/u/Kimchi_moo
Created: Sun May 13 15:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j70m9/does_anyone_else_feel_empty/
---
Like, emotionally?
Do you have any methods you use to try to feel something?
Both my parents died within the past year (they were so young) and I feel so numb and as if I am not even human.
I’m going to start getting psychotherapy but I am just curious how common this emptiness is for others with disordered eating.
[Discussion] Working out
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Sun May 13 15:10:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j70j3/working_out/
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So I work out a lot and I'm working towards getting toned and fir for non ed reasons, strictly because I want to better myself. Another factor is I used to be quite overweight and I lost at least half of my body mass with my ed. I'm noticing that some areas of my body, such as my stomach, under arms, and thighs, are looking more flabby than when I started. It's really discouraging to me. I'm curious if anybody knows why this is happening?
[Rant/Rave] Ever see the epitome of who you want to be?
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword
Created: Sun May 13 14:27:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j6p89/ever_see_the_epitome_of_who_you_want_to_be/
---
The jealousy is unreal.
This new girl joined my unit.
Petite (4’11, teeny tiny) blonde, giant blue eyes, soft squeaky high voice, bubbly, cute, not especially thin tbh but small and def not fat, funny, adorable.
Everyone loves her. She’s just *soooo cute*
And she is
But it kills me inside because not only is she everything I’ve ever wanted to be (tiny and small, seen as cute and everything I do is adorable)
SHE IS EXACTLY. MY. EX’S. TYPE.
And I’m still in love with him.
So every day I get to look at this girl, who is everything I want to be, but never will be, because I’m fat and tall and gross.
Why couldn’t I have picked the way I would look before I was born? Why couldn’t I have been a teeny little tiny cutie who everyone loves instead of an awkwardly tall chubby baby faced ugly gross fuck.
I feel like I have no redeeming qualities about me because I’ll never physically represent all the stuff I crave to be seen as. :(
[Discussion] DAE catch themselves feeling a little too comfortable with their ED mind?
/u/Pinetree_grrl
Created: Sun May 13 12:36:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j5vve/dae_catch_themselves_feeling_a_little_too/
---
So, a gym friend and I were discussing getting to our goals, and what we do to get there (he does not know I have an ED, btw). I'm a fit, active, muscular person, as is the guy I was chatting with. Most of the time I restrict to 900-1200 kcal, high protein, low carb, blah blah blah. And then sometimes I go on mega binge-purge-laxative benders that always seem to leave me at the same weight, which is annoying but at least it makes it really hard to tell I have a problem. 🤷
Anywho, my friend said something about his wife needing and trying to lose thirty pounds. I know he's mentioned this before and said she was going to the gym and eating really healthy, but I guess just this week she "fessed up" that she binges like crazy on Saturdays when he's at work because she'd feel too guilty if he knew she was eating junk food, and feels so deprived all week eating healthily.
Two things about this bothered me. The first was that she felt compelled to hide her eating habits from him instead of just saying "fuck off, I like the size I am", but that's none of my business, I guess?
The second thing is when he told me she was binging, my literal first thought was "well if she purged after it wouldn't be such a big deal". Like, how fucked up is my head that junk food is totes okay, but only if you purge it. Oh, and purging is totes NBD. Not like it's going to fuck up your mind and health and social life. I kind of feel like a monster for how blase I seem to be about b/p. Does anyone else have really casual thoughts like that?
[Rant/Rave] I am so mad at myself today
/u/kayasawyer
Created: Sun May 13 12:26:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j5thc/i_am_so_mad_at_myself_today/
---
I went over my normal calorie intake yesterday and now I’m going to have to workout more than normal to burn off all those calories. I told myself that I was going to be safe yesterday but it just didn’t work out. I’m trying not to make a big deal out of it but now I’m just in a funk and I can’t get out of it. I just hate myself so much right now. I just want to be better. Why can’t I get better?
[Discussion] Does anyone else struggle with wanting to be fit/muscular and thin at the same time?
/u/Cocoleia
Created: Sun May 13 12:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j5p71/does_anyone_else_struggle_with_wanting_to_be/
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Some days I feel like I want to go to the gym everyday and get dat ass and workout and be strong and other days I want to restrict and lose lots of weight and be thin. I am constantly conflicted.
🥔
/u/dying2bThinx
Created: Sun May 13 11:22:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j5cm3/_/
---
https://i.redd.it/7lpuipw6qnx01.jpg
Post binge blues
/u/StephMichael97
Created: Sun May 13 11:13:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j5a8b/post_binge_blues/
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My sister sent me a photo of us from about 8 years ago when we were teenagers. Of course at the time I thought I was really fat but when I saw it yesterday I realized I just how thin I actually was. And as much as I’ve tried to be body positive since gaining weight through high school and university the moment I saw that picture all I wanted was to be that thin again. I ended up bingeing in response to a lot of stress I’ve had recently but now i feel myself starting to think about how long I could go without food. How long would it take to be that thin again? Surely a few weeks or months of eating next to nothing will undo years worth of weight gain? I’m not sure where I’m going with this post but this is the only place i can share these thoughts
Period bloat
/u/plantbasedgoddess
Created: Sun May 13 11:07:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j58o9/period_bloat/
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A photographer on Instagram contacted me for a photoshoot and we scheduled it for tomorrow BUT IVE GOT PERIOD BLOATING AND IM SO ANGRY BECAUSE THIS IS THE FIRST LIKE SEMI-PROFESSIONAL PHOTOSHOOT EVER AND I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT PERIOD BLOATING UGH *throws a table*
Any tips for period bloating? :/
[Rant/Rave] lmfao started the day by eating 500 calories!!!
/u/northernmountaingirl
Created: Sun May 13 11:06:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j58cj/lmfao_started_the_day_by_eating_500_calories/
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i'm staying at this hotel w free breakfast food and after 3 days of eating \~400 calories, decided to eat a cinnamon roll this morning \(huuuuuuge fear food\). so i look it up and see \~300 calories, figure that's not so bad once i figure in the calories i'll burn by walking today, eat it, then get super paranoid that google was somehow....lying?? and google "holiday inn cinnamon roll calories" and it's almost 500!!!! hahah!!!! recovery is very real and i am recovered!!!! totally!!
I saw my parents yesterday...
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Sun May 13 10:56:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j55tc/i_saw_my_parents_yesterday/
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My mother hasn't seen me in months and the first thing to come out of her mouth was "You're just like me! You gain weight in your thighs." She then asked how many pounds I gained... *Sigh*
[Help] Need input from people who got their bingeing under control!!
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sun May 13 10:28:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j4yla/need_input_from_people_who_got_their_bingeing/
---
Ok so I am fucking done with bingeing. It’s no longer enjoyable, I do it when I’m not even hungry and it has turned into self harm for me. I know I prob can’t just stop cold turkey but I am fed up and determined to stop. I am throwing myself into all of the bingeing self help shit I can find and committing myself to getting better. So I would really like some input!!
My main goal right now is to go the rest of the month without a binge. I love fasting and feel my best when I am not eating at all, however I realize that this can lead to bingeing so I have pretty much one big question- for those of you who got bingeing under control, is it essentially like breaking a habit? Like how they say if you go 30 days without doing something you won’t want to do it anymore? (Obvs not as finite as that but I hope you get it) because if it is about fighting the urge and if I fight it long enough I will break the habit then that is something I can totally do.
What I’m worried about is if fasting will always lead me to binge.... I can’t do meals every day, I can’t do a meal plan and I can’t count calories- like I mentally just can’t do that. I know it would help control bingeing but honestly I want to keep fasting and only eat small meals every couple of days. I don’t binge out of hunger, I binge out of habit. So if I can break the habit can I get it under control??
SERIOUSLY GUYS ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP.
*even typing this I am thinking about it*
Wishing I was skinny
/u/dying2bThinx
Created: Sun May 13 10:27:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j4ya3/wishing_i_was_skinny/
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https://i.redd.it/97q1mrncgnx01.jpg
[Other] I like to paint on myself when I feel down - helps me feel pretty :)
/u/fiyacht524
Created: Sun May 13 10:25:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j4xvl/i_like_to_paint_on_myself_when_i_feel_down_helps/
---
https://i.redd.it/50o30662gnx01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Just spent the weekend at my mom’s
/u/2worried2care
Created: Sun May 13 10:15:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j4vd9/just_spent_the_weekend_at_my_moms/
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We had a graduation party for my brother yesterday so I went to my mom’s on Friday to help set up, then went to the party and stayed at her house last night because alcohol.
On Friday, I went for a run while at her house because I wanted to hit at least 4 workouts for the week. We ordered Chinese food for dinner and I ate a few pieces of chicken and then stayed at the table to chat with the family. My mom looked at my plate and said “did you even eat anything?” So then I told her what I ate. On Thursday I had been on the phone with her and she said something like “you need to eat, you know.” Whenever I hear these kinds of comments I get a little surprised and embarrassed so I always brush them off.
The party on Saturday was a lot of fun, I mostly just munched on vegetables and even had some chips and dip. I mostly just drank sangria and did Jell-O shots. I was able to avoid the main course and cake, although I did make myself a S’more. I didn’t feel great about my body because somehow I was a pound heavier on Saturday than I was on Friday but I still enjoyed myself.
Today, as I was getting ready to go back to my apartment, my sister-in-law said “you look like you’ve lost a lot of weight, not that you were ever big but you look really small lately.” So I got all flustered, especially because I feel like I look exactly the same and just said “it must be all the walking I do to get to school.” And my mom chimed in with “it must be all the not-eating you’re doing” with this judgmental look. I ended up just changing the subject but I hate how guilty my mom makes me feel; I know she loves me but just the tone that she uses makes me feel like a child being chastised. The whole conversation made me want to lose quicker.
Sorry this ended up being so long, I just needed to get it out somewhere.
Baked chips
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Sun May 13 10:07:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j4t3n/baked_chips/
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Most of these are 110 - 130 calories per pack and they're so good. We have them at work. They are very satisfying but low in cal.
https://www.amazon.com/Frito-Lay-Baked-Popped-Variety-Count/dp/B073S4TP58/ref=sr_1_10_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1526227016&sr=8-10&keywords=baked+potato+chips+lays
I'm happy that I've got a cold?
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Sun May 13 10:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j4shv/im_happy_that_ive_got_a_cold/
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Especially after i had a binge the other day, since I have a cold now it suppresses my appetite by 100% so i dont feel the need to eat at all, I was going on a water fast for a few days anyway so hopefully this should make it work better :)
[Help] Help parents
/u/yourfriendshateme
Created: Sun May 13 09:19:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j4guj/help_parents/
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I'm 5'6 & 107 pounds...I've gained 3 pounds recently I feel so fat and ugly my parents insisting I need to gain weight. ..does anyone have tips for pretending to patents that you eat more ???
[Other] Nothing is safe anymore
/u/NaejNire
Created: Sun May 13 08:55:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j4b5r/nothing_is_safe_anymore/
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https://i.redd.it/00z275x20nx01.jpg
Been AWOL for a couple months, I'm back.
/u/AugustusMarius
Created: Sun May 13 08:23:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j43o7/been_awol_for_a_couple_months_im_back/
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Basically felt completely unlovable yesterday. To the point I almost self harmed. And I feel myself falling back. I'm too disgusting to eat anymore. I want to lose a ton of weight before July so that people notice.
[Tip] Hoping tracking my fast/binges can help me improve ~progress is not linear~
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sun May 13 08:10:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j40ps/hoping_tracking_my_fastbinges_can_help_me_improve/
---
https://i.redd.it/60wow3iyrmx01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] just a quick small rant
/u/verypetitbourgeois
Created: Sun May 13 08:09:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j40jw/just_a_quick_small_rant/
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ive fallen back into heavy restriction lately and its been so easy, so fucking scarily easy, its given me such a rush, i dont understand how i've gone weeks without this...
Except this morning I weighted myself and I was *so sure* i'd have lost weight but I'm at the same weight as yesterday, exactly the same and it makes me so angry. I cant concentrate on anything and I have 2 big exams for uni tomorrow morning.
I keep thinking about food. I'm not affraid to binge at all because I dont crave food. I know part of my moodiness is because of the restriction but like... idk...
I keep googling foods without wanting to eat them and I keep beating myself up for eating that bowl of oatmeal for breakfast even though I had to because I can't take my meds on an empty stomach otherwise I get cramps that put me to bed for the whole day and coffe wouldnt help and I'm drinking a bunch of coffee rn because of studying.
Idk.
It's so grey here. FFS its may, it should be sunny. But no, its raining and its grey and I'm cold and I havent lost ANY weight, not even 100gr.
[Help] Can today be over so I can stop hating myself
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sun May 13 08:01:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j3ysd/can_today_be_over_so_i_can_stop_hating_myself/
---
Last night was my lowest since March. I fasted for 48 hours and broke my fast with a huge binge I wasn’t even hungry for. The whole time I knew I was making a mistake and that I would hate myself today. I forced myself to drink three beers bc I knew I didn’t want to do it and the food made me feel sick so I purged in the bar. Then proceeded to go home and binge more. I hadn’t purged since March what the fuck.
I was feeling so good in my fast I have no clue why I did it. My theory is that it was bc my bf made plans and so I had the night to myself which I never do so I used it as an opportunity to binge in private which I also never get to do. I am noticing more and more that my bingeing is more habitual than out of hunger bc I haven’t even been satisfied by food lately.
I am trying to remind myself that I have been here many times before and today is a new day. I took pictures of my bloated body to look at next time I justify a binge and I am tracking my binge/fast days and aiming to have less binges over all. I just want it to be tomorrow so I can feel good about myself again and be motivated again.
I would really really really appreciate some words today. I am trying my best to remain positive but I just feel like a failure and I can’t figure out why I am self destructing. I am alone with my thoughts all day at work and I really need some encouragement to not feel so horrible.
Also I’m thinking taking a break from drinking might help.
[Discussion] Does anyone who b/p notice it significantly increases during times of stress?
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Sun May 13 07:52:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j3ws8/does_anyone_who_bp_notice_it_significantly/
---
Like mine is so bad during uni assessment time
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 13, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 13 06:11:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j3db8/daily_food_diary_may_13_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 13, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 13 06:11:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j3db2/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!
Living with people who actually care
/u/bbbrista
Created: Sun May 13 05:56:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j3avt/living_with_people_who_actually_care/
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Long story short, I recently had to move in with my grandparents. Theyre great people and much much better than where I was living, but, my grandmother cooks every night for dinner and even though she tries accomodating my "diet" Im sure Ive put weight on since staying here, cuz the scale is broken :)) Im much happier overall here but the food situation is slowly killing me, why cant they care just a little less and let me eat my one rice cake for dinner. Does anyone have any ideas of how to get around this? I try to keep my intake below ~500 cuz I work an active job before dinner, and used to just skip dinner entirely and this routine worked perfectly for me, I lost 20 pounds. Im sure my intake has gone up to at least 1000+ and ugh. Im just endlessly frustrated
[Help] Does anyone else feel they have less of body when losing weight?
/u/unlicensedrussian
Created: Sun May 13 04:56:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j32b2/does_anyone_else_feel_they_have_less_of_body_when/
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I know that’s a weird title BUT what I meant was, when I was overweight I had big boobs, and big bum and (by comparison) a small waist. Now I’m losing weight I’ve lost my boobs and my bum, so I now I don’t have any waist definition. I don’t mind losing my boobs (rip my amazing bum though) but now I just have these massive shoulders with nothing to balance it at the bottom :(
Has anyone else noticed this?
[Rant/Rave] Because surely this sticker couldn’t go anywhere else 😒
/u/tastefuldebauchery
Created: Sun May 13 04:02:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j2vah/because_surely_this_sticker_couldnt_go_anywhere/
---
https://i.redd.it/eja9xjbqjlx01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] OMFG! DON’T LIE ON A SITE FOR PPL WITH ED’S!!!
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Sun May 13 03:34:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j2rti/omfg_dont_lie_on_a_site_for_ppl_with_eds/
---
More of your Pro-Ana Tips from your favorite user!
Today’s tip is: if yo azz gonna lie at least cover yo fucking tracks so no one can tell you are a immoral trash heap who triggers other people so they can get a little bit of internet attention!
So this girl on this site claimed to go from 70 kg/154 lbs to 45 kg/99 lbs (she claims to be 166 cm/5’5”) in 50 days (1 month, 20 days) by eating only 10 calories a day/10 raspberries a day (which according to MyFitnessPal adds up to 10 kcal).
She had on May 7th made a post asking for advice on how to to lose 18 kg/40 lbs in one month in order to fit into a $1,000 prom dress they got that was too small.
She claims to have gained the weight from eating 3,000 kcals a day for 3 months (90 days). She claims to have gained 18 kg/40 lbs.
Also, she posted before and after pictures on her profile.
There is this thing called exif data. It has information on a image stored within the image, such as the date it was taken, what phone model it was taken on, etc.
The “before” image’s exif data showed it was taken in 2016. The “after” image’s exif data shows it was taken in 2017.
She claims it is because she has 2016 settings on her phone as she wants the old Snapchat filters.
But that is not how exif data works.
She of course denies everything. And I don’t expect her to fess up.
I am just so triggered. This makes me sick.
I get they have issues and a ED (according to them) however if that is true they should understand how this type of post could be damaging!
Ugh, people.
[Discussion] Cycle continues
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Sun May 13 02:15:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j2hhx/cycle_continues/
---
Lol, I woke up 1lb away from my goal weight two weeks ago.
I've now been in a binge cycle for four days and I'm trying to pull myself out of it.
Yesterday I ate around 4000-5000 calories. Just compulsive overeating and indulging. I was in so much pain at night I thought my stomach was going to tear. This morning the scale tells me I'm 10lbs heavier than I was two weeks ago. I know at least half of that is water and food so it's not too bad but still.
I'd rather be in a restrict cycle, fatigued and sad and a shell of myself than be in a binge cycle and actually be at much higher risk of health problems. and fat. I just want to be normal.
[Help] My dad made my favorite noodles, I had two mouthfuls. Trying to stop my self from b/p and freaking out.
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Sun May 13 02:02:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j2fso/my_dad_made_my_favorite_noodles_i_had_two/
---
I’m trying to tell myself I won’t gain weight from that ARGH.
[Discussion] Does anyone else sleep better when restricting?
/u/tjking333
Created: Sun May 13 01:57:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j2f58/does_anyone_else_sleep_better_when_restricting/
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I've been restricting medium-low lately and honestly I sleep way better than I did when I was overeating. I can actually go to bed at a normal time and sleep for a normal amount of time without feeling exhausted.
[Discussion] Semi-recovery
/u/Sb22312
Created: Sun May 13 01:04:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j284c/semirecovery/
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Anyone else feel like semi recovered like for me I've pretty much stopped purging and I usually manage to eat 800-1200 a day
( mainly because exams)
But I stick very much to my safe foods and feel anxious even eating them sometimes and I excersise obsessively and I still count calories . Like I'll sometimes eat my TDEE and my brains like fucks sake stop binging . I don't know I feel like I'm doing better and I'm coping but no one's really concerned and I'm still terrified of gaining weight . Has anyone gone through anything similar? And has any advice or wants to rant about how fucking annoying it is ?
[Discussion] Does anyone else in here self harm?
/u/mowmowmreow
Created: Sun May 13 00:25:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j22ok/does_anyone_else_in_here_self_harm/
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Does anyone else compare themselves to people thinner than you and wonder how much they eat in a day, if they struggle with an ed too. I also have this weird jealousy over slender pre-teens and children
/u/mowmowmreow
Created: Sun May 13 00:23:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j22gz/does_anyone_else_compare_themselves_to_people/
---
[Help] Bowls/plates/cutlery 🥄
/u/meineschatzi
Created: Sun May 13 00:13:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j213o/bowlsplatescutlery/
---
I’ve seen a bunch of posts about people’s favourite bowls and spoons and whatnot. Well I’ve decided I’m gonna treat myself to some little things to eat out of/with and I wanted some input. I often use this little saucer as a plate, and try and use little spoons - does anyone have any recommendations about specific styles that work for them? I’m in Australia so specific brands or stores probably won’t be relevant, but what sort of things or features do you look for? Thanks!
[Help] Just purged for the first time in over a month!!!
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sun May 13 00:03:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j1zjx/just_purged_for_the_first_time_in_over_a_month/
---
I’m drunk so I don’t know how I feel. Honestly I’m drunk and driving home about to eat ice cream. Gonna delete Reddit till the am
[Help] I have to weigh myself
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sat May 12 23:25:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j1tv3/i_have_to_weigh_myself/
---
I haven’t weighed since 3/17 bc I knew I was getting out of control with my ed but now I really feel like I need to so I can get these binges in check
[Discussion] DAE waiting till Monday to start fasting?
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Sat May 12 23:09:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j1r66/dae_waiting_till_monday_to_start_fasting/
---
This week I've upped my exercise but still had some tricky days with calories and honestly just the drinking has thrown off my bloating. I hate it. I've still gotten comments about being skinny but all I can think about is how fucking bloated I am right now. Tomorrow I have to have bagels and this food thing my mom has cooked. I have no excuse to not eat. I think it will be fine. I'll have energy to work out extra hard and start my fasting and restricting again. At least till my birthday on the 28th. Cause that's when I plan to weight myself. So no alcohol or sweets hopefully till than :)
I didn't purge since 1 month
/u/kruesche_deern
Created: Sat May 12 22:45:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j1nb8/i_didnt_purge_since_1_month/
---
..and i dont know how to feel about that.
(Sorry,this wont be a rave :( )
Ftp,Ltl english isn't my mother tongue.Please excuse the bad formatting I'm on mobile.
Please excuse the excessive use of brackets.
I mean I should feel good right?Healthy people don't throw up their food because they feel overwhelming guilt after eating.
But I dont feel good because *I* dont want to be healthy thats not what my disorder is about,what *I* am about.
I feel useless because I gained around 4kg(I don't know the exact number because I don't think I could handle knowing how much I really messed up).
I feel guilty for not being able to keep up the thing I built my whole personality on.
(I also don't seem to be able to properly restrict for no apparent reason (psst,its me being human garbage).)
As I am typing all this all want to do is to f***ing sew my mouth together so I'll never be able to eat anything at all but I know that im just going to continue this normal eating behaviour which just feels like a never ending binge.
I dont want this,I want to return to return to the one thing that gave me control,that gave me comfort,that made me happy.
And of course theres the urge to delete all this and not post anything because there are always thoughts like "you dont belong here you can eat normal"or"nice try but even here nobody cares" or "NOW youre really just looking for attention" or "wow you couldn't have romanticized a mental illness more i that last part if you tried could you?" Etc. in my head.
I just hope somebody reads this and maybe leaves some thoughts in the comments.
(I wrote this after a night without sleep I'll return to edit out spelling mistakes.)
[Rant/Rave] I can't watch other people eat
/u/songfireleaf
Created: Sat May 12 22:41:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j1mnp/i_cant_watch_other_people_eat/
---
With my ED, I go through big "waves" where my disorder gets bad for around a year, then less bad for a few months, then bad again, etc. Currently in the middle of a turn back downward and dear god if I see another person eating a bunch without a care I will probably scream. Which is definitely a problem because I work in a restaurant.
I don't know whether it's jealousy that they can eat and not be worried, or disgust that they're doing so, or a mix, or something else, but it's ridiculously frustrating.
I'm supposed to go to a mother's day thing with my father's family tomorrow (we do this every year to celebrate my grandma) at a buffet. It is my favorite buffet, when my ED isn't being a jerk. Buuut I'm in the middle of a fast + am buried in a giant pile of self hate + get really yucky mentally on mother's day because my mom's dead + to top it off, my grandmother loves criticizing people on what they eat and on their weight. I know if I go, and she does that to me, I will 100% start yelling at an 83 year old woman about my (recently diagnosed) eating disorder. Which is not exactly the picture perfect thing to happen at a mother's day celebration. Not to mention that the very idea of seeing all of my family members eat a bunch and not care makes me nauseated. So I'm skipping out, even though I want to see basically everyone else. Ugh.
tldr; life sucks, food is gross, skipping a thing with family because my grandmother and food are both gross
Who wants to come scream at the sky with me? ;P
I was just forced to eat two slices of pizza..
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Sat May 12 22:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j1jqt/i_was_just_forced_to_eat_two_slices_of_pizza/
---
My dry fast was ruined when my mom woke me up at 11:00 am to eat pizza. She threathened to send me back to the hospital if I didn't. I asked if I can have something healthier and she said no. I can't purge and I feel like dying. If she hears me purging, i'm done for. What do I do? I can't afford to gain any weight, my legs look so huge and i'm so ugly and fat. Sometimes I just wish I didn't exist.
Some questions regarding tube feeding
/u/catstille
Created: Sat May 12 22:16:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j1igk/some_questions_regarding_tube_feeding/
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Hey everyone,
I have a few questions about tube feeding -
1. At what point is tube feeding considered as an option by Dr's?
2. Do you have to be inpatient to be tube fed?
3. If anyone has experience with it - what was your experience like?
Thanks <3
[Help] QUICK should I break my fast
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sat May 12 22:10:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j1hcy/quick_should_i_break_my_fast/
---
I was planning on a three day fast but now I am at 48 hours and I just made plans to hang out with my friend and we are going to my favorite bar with my fave burger. I’m not actually hungry but I never go to this bar and I usually can’t go out with this friend at night. What should I do!!
I’m tired of seeing my bones in my chest
/u/manatrabanter
Created: Sat May 12 21:35:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j1ant/im_tired_of_seeing_my_bones_in_my_chest/
---
It’s really bad in certain lights. I don’t think it looks nice. But I’m disgusted by food. I gagged the other day eating pasta and almost threw up. I was bulimic for two years, binged and purged every day. And then I went to anorexia. Eating really nothing for lunch, late late light dinner. Never breakfast. And I’m vegan. Feeling lightheaded when I get up too quickly. I almost fainted in Victoria’s Secret and had to sit on the floor outside to catch my breath. I just want to be healthy. I just am so used to my stomach as shrunk as it’s become. It’s hard to force it. I don’t know how to gain weight and I need it. Please if you have any advice I’d love to hear it!
[Tip] Low fat or low carb?
/u/sabadr
Created: Sat May 12 21:27:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j197b/low_fat_or_low_carb/
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When i go low carb after one day of eating carbs i gain all the weight back and even more.
He (poem)
/u/Grymdolin
Created: Sat May 12 21:13:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j16ii/he_poem/
---
Pick an outfit
up off the floor.
If he's not here,
Why fight anymore?
Dont bother with breakfast,
Lunch, or dinner
Skip each one
Wake up thinner.
Maybe he'll spot you,
Emaciated corpse,
And maybe he'll care;
He won't, of course.
DAE binge every time right after hitting a new low weight?
/u/an_anon93
Created: Sat May 12 20:40:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j1061/dae_binge_every_time_right_after_hitting_a_new/
---
WHY do I do this
It’s like I convince myself I deserve it or something. When really I’m just making myself feel like shit and setting myself back for the next week or so. Lol fuck.
For those who freak over weight gain...
/u/bunnywithbpd
Created: Sat May 12 20:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j0ur6/for_those_who_freak_over_weight_gain/
---
Weigh yourself as usual, now weigh yourself holding a full normal 16.9 oz water bottle. You will gain around 2 pounds just from water. You could easily drink all of that and bam you are now two pounds heavier.
No you didn't gain 2 pounds of fat, no it won't stay there forever. A person can drink a LOT more than just a bottle water throughout the day. Weight will fluctuate and every gain is not fat! Try not to freak out guys :D
[Help] Constant battle with myself
/u/fethe56
Created: Sat May 12 20:14:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j0uqg/constant_battle_with_myself/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/eating_disorders/comments/8j0hj1/constant_battle_with_myself/
[Rant/Rave] When you don't eat but gain weight, know it is just water weight but obsess over it until you go to the toilet for the first time in days, weigh yourself afterwards and it turns out you've lost weight overall and were worrying about nothing, just like all the previous times. Not just me? :):)
/u/Plz_Can_You_Not
Created: Sat May 12 20:13:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j0uo5/when_you_dont_eat_but_gain_weight_know_it_is_just/
---
[Help] My binge justifications
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sat May 12 20:07:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j0t4i/my_binge_justifications/
---
I thought it would be a good idea to walk through the store and look at all the things I could buy if I didn’t hate myself. Of course this backfired and I just want everything now. *im almost 48 hours fasted.
So I thought I would share my justifications for bingeing bc right now it sounds like a great idea (pretty positive I won’t actually do it tho)
- I have been in a binge/fast cycle for the past five months and so when I want to eat I’m just like “you can just start tomorrow” and I think about all the other binges that in the long run had minimal effect other than me feeling like shit about myself
-I am a normal/healthy weight. People call me small all the time and if I were to ever mention watching my weight people would tell me I don’t need to. My mom who I never see and hardly talk to loves to comment “eat something” on my fb photos
-people eat like this all the time and are fine, and I still do omad so it’s not like I am grazing all day or stuffing my face. I’ll get high with my bf and we will eat the same amount (ok obvs not the best justification bc he is like 70lbs bigger)
-I haven’t weighed myself in almost two months, so I don’t know if I have actually gained any weight or if I just feel bad about myself. If I am fasted I feel like my body is almost where I want it, I can see and feel my hip bones and my ribs and I have a thigh gap unless I’m bloated. I assume I’ve gained 10 lbs but I don’t know if that is my ed brain or not.
Mainly I just think about how normal people don’t have to think this much about food and can eat whatever they want and it doesn’t fuck them up. I KNOW I’ll be upset if I break my fast with ANYTHING, but at the same time I’m like just be normal!!! Then i get around my bf at nighttime and I *almost* forget about my ed and a lot of times this causes me to give in to food temptations bc I actually feel normal around him. But then I wake up the next morning unhappy with my body so I don’t know what that fuck to do.
[Rant/Rave] What the fuck is wrong with me?
/u/kanthinkofone
Created: Sat May 12 19:55:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j0qcg/what_the_fuck_is_wrong_with_me/
---
The guy I've been crushing on for a few months just texted me a picture of a girl he thinks is cute. She's in one of my classes and is super skinny super smart super pretty and super popular. All things I'm not. I told him I knew her and he's asking about her and if I have her snapchat. It's funny, I actually thought I might have a chance. But why the fuck would he want me right? Sorry for the meaningless rant, I just have no idea what to do.
peach
/u/pinpeach
Created: Sat May 12 19:50:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j0p7y/peach/
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I just made a peach account if you want to add me i’m @pinpeach
[Goal] I’ve reached 105 lbs!
/u/conflictedgirl22
Created: Sat May 12 19:49:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j0p0s/ive_reached_105_lbs/
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I’ve been so happy. I had to water fast and exercise like crazy this week and it paid off extremely well! 5 more lbs until I’m at my goal weigh and I’m 5”10. Since I’m so close to my goal, I’ve decided to be a little more lenient on myself so my body doesn’t completely shut down but I think I should loose the weight in about 2 weeks or so. And from then on it will be so easy to maintain..
I feel amazing and light. I definitely feel a difference when I push myself out of bed in the morning, almost like the covers are heavier than me. Every time someone mentions how skinny I’m getting it reminds me how much it’s worth it. I just can’t believe how I look. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror I feel like I’ll never eat again because even the slightest bit of food will mess up all my hard work.
Stay strong, guys!
More peachy friends!! 🍑
/u/bonitahermosura
Created: Sat May 12 18:43:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j0ao6/more_peachy_friends/
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Hello everyone! It’s me again respectfully requesting more friends on peach!! I love using it and update it all the time so definitely don’t be shy and add me @delgaditabonita it’s such an amazing community and I’d absolutely love to connect with more of you lovely people 💕
Has anyone ever tried DNP?
/u/KlokWerkN
Created: Sat May 12 18:42:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j0abs/has_anyone_ever_tried_dnp/
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https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2,4-Dinitrophenol
Someone told me they had some DNP which was a weight loss drug, and I was wondering if I should try and ask for some? I dont really care about side effects, but has anyone ever heard of this or used it?
[Rant/Rave] My Mom and Gambling...
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Sat May 12 17:56:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8j008t/my_mom_and_gambling/
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Why can’t the stupid bitch be responsible?
Why does she have to squander all of our money at the fucking Mystic Lake Casino.
I hate that place, if I could I would bomb it. Of course I can’t tho.
She yells at me for asking for food but goes and spends hundreds of dollars at the fucking casino.
Her whole paycheck.
I can’t take this anymore.
I am going to have to get away from her but I don’t know how.
What's yo fave baby food?
/u/VirtualVacation
Created: Sat May 12 17:33:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8izuxv/whats_yo_fave_baby_food/
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I wanna try some new stuff, any recommendations? Sometimes the flavours scare me off lmao
[Discussion] DAE have IBS-C?
/u/nfiniteee
Created: Sat May 12 17:03:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8izo2a/dae_have_ibsc/
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And what do you do (other than laxatives) to manage it?
It can screw up my daily weigh ins by up to 1.5 lbs. On those days I'll spend the entire day stressed and miserable because I can't know 100% that it's the IBS-C :(. Logically, I realize that since I can feel the food in my stomach it's probably not real weight gain, but ugh....
I don't want to go back to the issues I've had with laxative abuse, so if anyone has any home remedies/tricks to help manage it, that would be so appreciated!
Stopping calorie counting?
/u/throwaway958432
Created: Sat May 12 16:57:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8izmps/stopping_calorie_counting/
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I lurk here a lot but I've never actually posted until now. I feel a little bad posting here because I've never been diagnosed with an ED, I don't even know if I'd qualify to have one...I'd call myself "disordered" but not necessarily someone with an ED if that makes sense?
Anyway as the title suggests I'm debating whether I should stop counting calories or not. I mentally go back and forth all the time between thinking "I'll just stop all my disordered habits now and be a normal healthy person!!" and "no you can't stop or you'll put all the weight on immediately." I'm not quite underweight but at the lower end of the healthy BMI range...and I think I feel okay with this weight? Like if I could stop restricting now and stay at this weight I'd be totally fine, I'm just worried about ballooning up to my HW again. I kind of want to see if I can eat intuitively and just maintain around my current weight, and just weigh myself regularly to make sure I'm not gaining. It gives me anxiety though because currently I have like 4 different weight/fitness apps that I record calories in and stuff, so going from all that to nothing feels weird? Also this was a total whim that just hit me today, I might totally regret it tomorrow, but at the same time I feel like maybe I should embrace the urge being more healthy and not indulge in my disordered behaviour any more.
Is it realistic of me to be able to do this/has anyone else been able to? Idk if this is even the right sub to post this but lots of places like loseit seem to have people that can't eat intuitively and need to count in order to eat right, but for me I really think the obsessive counting is bad for me. I just don't want to gain if I stop?
[Other] Well-meaning coworker triggered me
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Sat May 12 16:46:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8izjx8/wellmeaning_coworker_triggered_me/
---
The other day I found a ring that I used to wear all the time. I put it on and wore it to work. I started cramping and had some bloating going on, and yeah, I've gained some weight since, so the ring was a *little* tight... I can still get it off easily but it does leave an indent. but my coworker sees it and he says "I haven't seen you wear that ring before but it looks like it's cutting the circulation off it's so tight on you... are you sure that's ok???"
Ruined my own day fainting in public.
/u/cocacolonization
Created: Sat May 12 16:11:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8izc7y/ruined_my_own_day_fainting_in_public/
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Like a stupid idiot, I went to a really huge horse race event in my town. Tickets are expensive and I spent a lot to go. Everyone gets very dressed up (like the Derby), so my friend and I started getting ready for hours beforehand. I looked AMAZING. I went all out, bought a new dress and borrowed a huge hat, and I felt more confident than I had in a long time. I'd been been low restricting for quite a while, but since it was super hot out, I made sure to hydrate and eat a tiny (180 cal) breakfast before I went.
All that to say that I lasted 45 whole minutes in the heat before I fainted, fell into the fence surrounding the racetrack, woke up bleeding, and got sent home by the paramedics.
This is why we can't have nice things.
[Discussion] DAE hate washing the dishes because you don't use any dishes?
/u/BreMarieNirvana
Created: Sat May 12 16:09:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8izbto/dae_hate_washing_the_dishes_because_you_dont_use/
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I'm back home for summer. I have to wash the dishes some nights for my turn. I drink out of water bottles and eat either 1 roll of sushi or 1 bag of hit cheetohs a day. -_-
(It's totally fair from the standpoint that I'm pretty much a bum, but still. Lol.)
[Help] Fuck my life.
/u/bloomoonxx
Created: Sat May 12 16:08:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8izblu/fuck_my_life/
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I just realized that if I spent the last two months restricting to 1200 calories instead of binging I would have been at my gw by now. I wanna die. This is not fucking okay. I hate myself so much.
Y’all I got my tonsils out
/u/-teaqueen-
Created: Sat May 12 16:04:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8izatv/yall_i_got_my_tonsils_out/
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And I seriously can’t eat a thing. Can’t tell if it’s a good or bad thing. The nurse said “you’ll probably lose a few pounds, not that you can afford to” do that made my week.
Has anyone used supplements to suppress appetite?
/u/milkseedly
Created: Sat May 12 15:56:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iz919/has_anyone_used_supplements_to_suppress_appetite/
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I love supplements & I'm looking for something new. A while ago I had to take progesterone to induce my period and it totally killed my appetite. I've been hearing people talk about ephedrine but I'm not sure about it.
Any recommendations that have noticeable effects?
[Help] How do you recover from bad days?
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Sat May 12 15:43:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iz64n/how_do_you_recover_from_bad_days/
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I just ate most of a large pizza, which was almost 2000kcal (I know right, holy shit) and it was right after I'd reached my lowest weight in years....I feel so overfed and stuffed now. My gag reflex is non existent so I've never been a purger...What do you guys do to make yourselves feel better?
After a binge DAE feel like they can literally feel the fat forming on their body, feel the skin on their legs turning to cellulite, everything filling up and becoming plump with fat...or is it just me? :(
/u/ineedtogetlighter
Created: Sat May 12 15:16:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iz048/after_a_binge_dae_feel_like_they_can_literally/
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If I ever commit suicide, I think it'll be because of my eating disorder
/u/ineedtogetlighter
Created: Sat May 12 15:11:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iyyzv/if_i_ever_commit_suicide_i_think_itll_be_because/
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I think that God forbid it happens one day I may just binge and the next day do the same for weeks and end up too heavy, if I get too far gone...the thought terrifies me but it's the most likely way I can see me killing myself
I say as I'm 4+ lbs up in the past 3 weeks... I swear if I gained 40+ I would not be able to help it I would just kill myself
Sorry about this guys I'm having a really tough night after a tough few weeks :(
[Discussion] r/ fasting is wild man
/u/dyingtobefitt
Created: Sat May 12 15:04:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iyxfp/r_fasting_is_wild_man/
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so i was just looking at the fasting thread and i found one person saying they were going to fast for 6 days and eat a small meal on the 7th day and their plan is to keep repeating that many times to lose weight
and the responses were all positive??
[Rant/Rave] gained 16 pounds in a week.
/u/xlaaane
Created: Sat May 12 14:56:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iyvov/gained_16_pounds_in_a_week/
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so i got to a new lowest weight and was so fucking proud of myself and thought what the hell? i can try to maintain for a while now. might be good for my body. ate 1700 calories a day for 7 days and expected to maintain but the number on the scale kept climbing and fucking climbing until it went up 16 FUCKING POUNDS! LIKE HOW IS THAT EVEN FUCKING POSSIBLE?! this just shows me that this is never fucking going to end. i’m never going to be able to get out of this and i just want to kill myself so bad I really don’t know if i can do this anymore. like how could this have even happened?? guess i’m fasting til i’m at a new LW. lmfao
My stomach is bloated and fat and disgusting less than a week before an event I've been starving myself for
/u/ih8katyperry
Created: Sat May 12 14:48:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iytvy/my_stomach_is_bloated_and_fat_and_disgusting_less/
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I've been starving myself for months and am finally down to a weight I'm happy with (105 lbs) and my stomach which has always been my biggest struggle was even sticking out a lot less, then within the past few days its all bloated and huge and disgusting. i dont know what i did, i didnt binge, i feel like shit and worst of all the thing ive been starving myself for is next weekend i just feel like it was all a weight and my body is still disgusting
[Discussion] Possessive about food
/u/Zer0_0ut
Created: Sat May 12 13:45:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iyfgs/possessive_about_food/
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This is something I feel pretty awful about. I live with other people and we all share food, but I'm kind of particular about what/how much I share. For example today I bought a pack of dessert buns which I don't normally buy, I gave two away and for some reason got really possessive about the remaining 4. Another one got eaten leaving me with 3 \(which is plenty, the things are huge\) and I nearly had a meltdown over it. I felt immediately guilty for being so selfish and now I don't want to eat any of the remaining buns because in my OCD brain they're "contaminated" by my greed. This type of thing keeps happening \(freaked out over a \*can of beans\* yesterday\) and I'm really starting to hate myself for it. What even is this behavior? How can I stop being such a freak? I've started hoarding certain foods in my room but I still have to buy food for the household and I don't want to be like this. Can anyone relate?
[Help] Help!! How to break binge cycle
/u/edthrowaway98
Created: Sat May 12 12:50:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iy2ik/help_how_to_break_binge_cycle/
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Looking for any and all advice on how to break a binge cycle....anything that has worked for you or others. Returned from uni about a week ago and have pretty much been on a constant binge ever since. Prior to coming home I had been pretty good (not necessarily on purpose) at objectifying food, having two small meals a day plus a snack and feeling controlled, but now I can’t stop obsessing over it. Being alone super often & having a car and money for once have just made it that much easier to binge and overeat. Help please!!
i literally cant deal with negative emotions without feeling the urge to binge
/u/chili_jones
Created: Sat May 12 12:46:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iy1h4/i_literally_cant_deal_with_negative_emotions/
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can anyone relate? it seems like the second i feel an ounce of sadness, stress, anxiety, anger, whatever, my first instinct is to run to the snack cabinets looking for something its so fucking annoying and makes me feel so out of control
[Discussion] What do you guys think of thinspo and (actual) pro ana websites?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Sat May 12 12:35:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ixywc/what_do_you_guys_think_of_thinspo_and_actual_pro/
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[Rant/Rave] When everything sets you off
/u/frankesteinsmonster
Created: Sat May 12 12:22:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ixvx7/when_everything_sets_you_off/
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Hi guys! I feel like I just crawled out of the depths of hell and want to jump into a fiery volcano. Yesterday and today I was on babysitting duty, taking care of some close family friend’s children. And I was tasked with cooking for them as well. And I don’t have enough will power to avoid food if it’s there (hence why my cabinets and fridge are always empty) , so I’ve been b/p’ing nonstop after every meal since yesterday. The kids leave, I take a nap and woke up feeling like I smoked 1000 cigarettes and licked the ashtray, my throat is KILLING me. So I decide to have some cereal, since I can chew it pretty well and the cold soy milk can soothe my throat. I should also mention that this particular cereal was bought and paid for by me. I get to the kitchen. Open the cabinet. No cereal. Ummm okay, weird I’m pretty sure I put the cereal there after the kids were finished with breakfast, maybe I misplaced the box. *Starts looking frantically*. Then it clicks, my mom gave the fucking cereal away. SHE GAVE MY FUCKING CEREAL AWAY. Apparently after a full day of eating, and paying for treats for these kids out of MY pocket, my mom decided that giving them food that doesn’t belong to her was a good idea. I bawled for about 20 minutes while my dog stared at me in disbelief. I’m so mad at her? Why is she giving away my stuff? I know it’s something so ridiculous to be mad about, but I don’t even know if I’m going to eat anything now...
[Rant/Rave] uhhhh venting
/u/serketcircuit
Created: Sat May 12 12:20:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ixvl3/uhhhh_venting/
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a while ago i realized that i could never survive if i lived alone because of my mental illness. at the time it terrified me, knowing that the only reason im living as normally as i am is because of my familys schedule and structure, which puts very little responsibility on me
but its less troubling now, because its the only version of the future i can imagine. i see myself in a small apartment, with white walls and minimal furniture, barely anything in the pantry not only because of my ed but because im too anxious to justify the cost of most foods. also too anxious to go anywhere i dont absolutely have to, id like to think id at least try a dating app or something but realistically ive only been asked out once, in the 7th grade, and i cant wrap my head around how any of it works.
but on the flip side thered be no one there to make me anxious about being caught restricting, fasting, exercising, whatever i want. even if i tried not to give into my ed id probably forget to eat half the time anyways, i know itd just spiral
i want a wife one day, but i can't imagine what living with her would be like, or even what having someone over would be like. sometimes i can imagine doing work at home there, but not actually working at a job, living in a house id want, or having any friends or a lover or a damn pet. i just see myself in that apartment, alone, starving
I have plans to go out to dinner, but my fast is going pretty well- advice?
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal
Created: Sat May 12 12:14:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ixu2x/i_have_plans_to_go_out_to_dinner_but_my_fast_is/
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I'm 62 hours deep into my fast, and I'm feeling great (not dizzy/nauseous, no tremors, barely hungry (thanks electrolytes)), and I want to wait until my boss' bbq tomorrow to eat.
But I had plans with my friends to go out to dinner today, and I don't want to bail because I haven't talked to a friend in person since Wednesday. They will NOT be cool about me not eating, and I'm a bad liar (and I don't like to lie) so I can't say I already ate.
If it was just drinks I'd be fine, because they both know I have problems with alcohol, and I could just have a diet Coke. Does anyone have a strategy for this? I'm thinking about pushing some food around on a plate and taking it to go. Any other ideas?
Please talk me down. I just began a binge and I want to stop it.
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Sat May 12 12:02:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ixr96/please_talk_me_down_i_just_began_a_binge_and_i/
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I ate my 500 allowed cals for the day and then immediately ate a 600 cal muffin because I could. I feel like now I gave myself permission to binge but I don’t want to. I hate the way I look SO MUCH and this will not help. Someone please remind me why I don’t need to binge :(
Little victory
/u/kanniew
Created: Sat May 12 11:24:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ixi0s/little_victory/
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I just wanted to share this, because it seems like a good place for it! Today, for the first time ever, I rewarded myself for loosing weight with an entirely non-food related things! I got some makeup and the cutest bag to put all my cosmetics in.
So proud of myself for fighting the urge to binge, today was far more rewarding than buying bag of crisps or some other crappy food. ❤️
[Discussion] Plateau?
/u/Fatalope
Created: Sat May 12 11:15:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ixfpw/plateau/
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So I've beenrrestric- erm... I mean fasting (lol) for 20hrs every day (usually more) and eating less then 500 cals when I do eat.... yet I'm staying steady at like 130. I want to loose at least 10 pounds before June 10th, 20 is my goal though.
Found out my boyfriend looks at porn regularly...
/u/R369458
Created: Sat May 12 11:11:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ixevs/found_out_my_boyfriend_looks_at_porn_regularly/
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He told me one of the subreddits he looks at and I can't stop looking at it. It's all these stupidly perfect, thin, large chested girls. I'll never look like that.
Lol the irony
/u/BadAsh3403
Created: Sat May 12 11:07:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ixdt8/lol_the_irony/
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https://i.redd.it/40i9n85migx01.jpg
I broke my fast
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Sat May 12 10:04:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iwyob/i_broke_my_fast/
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https://i.redd.it/zdxk9bke7gx01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] This keeps fucking happening
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Sat May 12 10:02:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iwyaz/this_keeps_fucking_happening/
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Several times this week I have mentally prepared myself to eat (after a quick smoke sesh) in the evening. I tell my roommate (who knows about my illness) that I'm gonna eat that night and then a few hours later after the sesh I am ready to eat but they..... give me the option to eat or not to eat? How can I put this.
After session
Me: (too nervous to say I want to make the food) so I can make the sandwiches for us now or I can take a shower now
Roommate: up to you whatever you want!
Me: (dying on the inside) okay.... Ill take my shower
Fifteen minutes later and they've forgotten about the food and I'm too scared to bring it up. No dinner for me.
New night. We get home
Roommate: do you want to smoke tonight?
Me: yeah cuz I have some ice cream I'd like to eat
Session ends
Roommate: ready for bed?
Me: ........yeah I guess
I guess I want my roommate to keep me more accountable for when I say I'm going to eat. Cuz when they give me options it just doesn't happen. Of course all of this is utterly ridiculous and I need to grow a pair and eat what I want how I planned. But these social influences are making it really difficult. Especially since my roommate does NOT eat meals throughout the day. And I take like.... All of my food cues from them....so it's back to restricting until a damn smoke sesh will make SOMEONE in the house hungry.
Just got back from "recovery"
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Sat May 12 10:02:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iwy6u/just_got_back_from_recovery/
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I gained 20 pounds in 6 weeks of being in the hospital, I look so big. I'm planning on dry fasting for 1 week then checking the scale with intesive exercising. My mom now has a closer eye on me and so does my scheduled doctor, thearpeast, and phycrist. I'm horrified to go out in public or be seen by friends or family. They made me fatter then I already was. Ugh, i'm so stressed with this.
[Other] I will fast for a day or two tomorrow. I am only going to drink coffee with milk and sugar.
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Sat May 12 09:58:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iwx57/i_will_fast_for_a_day_or_two_tomorrow_i_am_only/
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[Rant/Rave] It's not even about weight.
/u/throwaway254411
Created: Sat May 12 09:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iwu53/its_not_even_about_weight/
---
I must admit, my ED started as a diet. I just wanted to be skinny fast. I wanted to be underweight because I thought I'd look good. Then I finally lost weight, lost my period etc., but I still didn't like myself. Now I've gained weight, still hate myself. But the thing is, it's not about food anymore. I'm just really unhappy with my life so I put all my energy into my eating disorder. My head tells me to get back to an underweight BMI, but that's not even what I like. I see girls that have curves and muscles and I want to be like that, but I can't. I have to be underweight so I can feel good enough. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense.
as soon as something doesn’t go according to plan, I lose control :(
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Sat May 12 09:32:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iwr7d/as_soon_as_something_doesnt_go_according_to_plan/
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I was doing rly good on Monday and Tuesday. I ate 1000 calories between those 2 days and I naturally just didn’t feel hungry. Then Wednesday came and my manager wanted to take me out for food and the office also threw a surprise ice cream party for me. I couldn’t say no to the lunch and no one would get ice cream until I got it first. It’s like the floodgates opened. Every single day after that I’ve just been eating way above my maintenance and feeling super hungry all the time
Anyone else find a strain of Marijuana that helps them?
/u/KlokWerkN
Created: Sat May 12 09:18:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iwo10/anyone_else_find_a_strain_of_marijuana_that_helps/
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I was able to get some cartridges that have a strain of weed with Terpenes in it and I am amazed. It suppresses my hunger and helps with the various stomach pains that I get as well as joint pain. I've been able to go 6 days no problem and feel pretty great. I feel like I'll be able to hit my GW of 100 by mid summer
[Help] Can y’all help me feel better about my hips ;-;
/u/FoodIsForDORKS
Created: Sat May 12 09:15:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iwn9s/can_yall_help_me_feel_better_about_my_hips/
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I feel like part of why I have an ED is because my hips are HUGE. I want to be frail and smol but it’s almost impossible. My hip bones are wide. There is maybe half an inch of fat on the outside of them. I can lose and lose and lose but they will never go away.
Crop tops look like shit on me cuz it looks like my waist is as big as my hips. Same goes for regular shirts if they’re not super tight. And I hate tight clothes.
Idk. Just...plz validate me lol. [pic](https://i.imgur.com/5hEY1Z2.jpg).
I felt kinda good today! But I just ??? I feel like I’ll never look cute and tiny. I have a kinda small waist. My legs are tiny. My arms are too big imo but that can go away. My hips can’t.
I hate myself :( I will feel fat forever. No matter what. I will always look kinda fat.
Ok so do u ever get jealous of ur pets...
/u/FoodIsForDORKS
Created: Sat May 12 09:15:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iwn96/ok_so_do_u_ever_get_jealous_of_ur_pets/
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My cat. She is so lean. And so PRETTY. And she doesn’t even care!!! I legit get jealous of her all the time lol. Like honestly it is so damn disrespectful of her to be walking around all beautiful and shit while I’m over here killing myself to be skinny.
I’m half kidding but still UGH I wish I was a cat.
Is anyone secretly hoping for a transformation like this? 😂
/u/gigi-has-issues
Created: Sat May 12 08:32:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iwdy3/is_anyone_secretly_hoping_for_a_transformation/
---
https://www.dailystar.co.uk/diet-fitness/616687/Weight-loss-transformation-model-how-to-lose-weight
I am secretly hoping that once I reach goal I'll have some magical transformation like this girl. Sometimes when I see people at really low weights, their faces have just completely transformed and look beautiful (aside from their bodies) and I guess I'm hoping it'll happen to me.
[Help] Do you guys think little exercises help
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sat May 12 08:19:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iwb1t/do_you_guys_think_little_exercises_help/
---
I don’t like to actually exercise, only run or yoga. But I only run on the days that I’ve eaten the night before and I’ll usually run 3-7 miles depending on how much energy I have and I’ll do yoga once a week. I don’t restrict well so I usually fast and I don’t run if I haven’t eaten the day before bc I obviously won’t have much energy and I don’t want to burn myself out/make myself hungry.
I know a lot of you do lil exercises throughout the day, I’ve been avoiding it bc 1. I’m lazy and 2. If I start then I’ll become obsessive and I don’t want to feel even worse about myself if I don’t maintain exercises.
But I’ve been thinking about doing little sets of like push ups, jumping jacks or sit ups maybe a couple times a day? Do you guys do anything like this and if so do you find it makes a difference?
I feel like it won’t actually help weight loss and just drive me crazy trying to burn extra calories
[Goal] so.. i hit my goal weight and then gained 7 pounds
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Sat May 12 08:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iw6vj/so_i_hit_my_goal_weight_and_then_gained_7_pounds/
---
and i hate myself so much for it. how the fuck does one gain 7 pounds in a week? how does that work?? how can you be that disgusting as i am to get this fat within a week after reaching my goal wtf is wrong with me
So uhhh, I might have reached my goal weight?
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Sat May 12 07:41:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iw35n/so_uhhh_i_might_have_reached_my_goal_weight/
---
So I don't own a scale but I realized that I could just take the average number of calories I've eaten over the past few months and compare it to how much I would need to eat to lose weight over the period of days I was averaging for and it turns out that the average number of calories I ate was actually slightly less than what I needed to lose weight. Anyway, I checked my new BMI on that adjusted BMI calculator on the right side of the webpage and when it said that I'm underweight I almost cried because I know that's unhealthy. At the same time, I could kind of stand to lose another 10 lbs imo.
Maybe I should mention that I also had a dream recently where I was weighed and had reached my goal weight and then I looked in the mirror (in my dream I looked thinner than I actually do in real life right now) and I still felt so awful about myself. Even after so much effort to get better I guess I'm still really struggling with this. At this point it's more than occasionally not eating even though I'm hungry. I may have started eating a lot more, but I'm still not better. I guess I have a long way to go...
Anybody else feel skinny the day after a binge?
/u/aflatpancake
Created: Sat May 12 07:38:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iw2le/anybody_else_feel_skinny_the_day_after_a_binge/
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After every binge I panic and mix my lax. 1 lax tea and 2\+ pills. I wake up 2 to 4 times to poo durring the night and wake up dehydrated...and skinny.
I still gained a pound from last night \(could be some left over food weight\), but I'm comforted by the fact that my hip bones/ribcage/collarbones/chestbones are more prominent, even if its temporary and from dehydration. It gets me through the day and helps me not to binge again...
My estimated net calorie surplus since the beginning of the year is 96,500 kcal
/u/portrayalofdeath
Created: Sat May 12 07:23:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ivzq8/my_estimated_net_calorie_surplus_since_the/
---
I weigh everything and record all of my binges. I've been weighing stuff for almost 10 years now, so I'm really not messing up there. What I eat is also either pre-packaged and thus has a nutrition label, or is a fruit/vegetable/oil that I can easily look up in the USDA database (which I take as more or less reliable, though produce could have a different calorie count depending on where and how it's cultivated). When I record my binges, sure, sometimes I don't weigh a packaged food before and after, and just go with what's stated on the label (so if it says 500 g on a tub of ice cream, I go with that), but even if that makes me off by 50 kcal, it should even out in the long run (sometimes a package will contain more than stated, sometimes less). Everything outside of binges is weighed. I don't consciously overestimate calories in stuff, either, even during binges. Sometimes I might even underestimate if it comes down to estimation (like, I'll visually determine that I've eaten half of the container, but I could've eaten a bit less or a bit more).
I'm sitting at the computer pretty much all day, so at 170 lbs and that activity level, I estimate my TDEE to be around 2100 kcal. I do take long walks and estimate the net calorie burn per hour to be 200 kcal. So basically, my TDEE estimate is obtained from various online calculators with activity set to sedentary (multiplier 1.16) and then I add the calorie burn from walking, which is really the only activity I do these days. I don't really stand or do walking otherwise, since I don't work at the moment. I do take T3 to get me from hypothyroid to the higher end of normal (my first lab test after the increased dose had my T3 slightly above the normal range, but my last one was just at the higher end of normal), but the TDEE calculators assume a normal functioning thyroid anyway.
OK, so that's as far as intake and expenditure go. Logging-wise, instead of logging calories, I log my deficit/surplus for the day in Excel using what I stated above, and yesterday I summed it up for shits and giggles (using the sum function, so no error there, either :)). Well, the number I got is +96,500 kcal.
Using the estimate of 3500 kcal for a pound gained or lost, I should be up around 27.5 lbs. How much am I actually up? I'm down 5 lbs. The entire 5 lbs could be water weight, because day 1 was after a binge, and today is the third day after my last binge (I've had two days where I restricted and my deficits on those days are estimated at 1100 kcal and 500 kcal). But still, I ate enough to gain 27.5 lbs and I at most maintained. So either the T3 is ramping up my metabolism way more than expected or the my body just wasted 96,500+ kcal.
I don't know why I'm sharing this, but it just seemed interesting to me.
I don't know why I
[Help] Worried about triggering others in ED recovery group...
/u/liquid_nitrogenn
Created: Sat May 12 07:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ivxdi/worried_about_triggering_others_in_ed_recovery/
---
I used to go to an eating disorder recovery group, but stopped going months ago when my treatment team decided I was more "in treatment" than "in recovery" and my schedule became too busy. I still keep in contact with the girls from group and they often ask when I'm coming back, and I feel like it'd be really nice to return now, especially since summer is coming up and I'll have more time to make it work. I think the group could be helpful for me right now since I'm going through a lot at the moment and I'd like to have some support and to feel less alone.
The problem is that I've lost a lot of weight since the last time I was in group, and I might be getting an NG tube soon to supplement my eating. I worry that I'd be triggering to other people in group because I know EDs thrive on comparisons and I definitely look sick right now. I don't want my presence in group to cause someone else to relapse or slip up with behaviors.
Everyone else in group is weight restored and pretty far in their recovery and I don't want to ruin the dynamic. Would it be okay for me to return to group?
Day with my Dad
/u/regularpoppy
Created: Sat May 12 07:05:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ivwbb/day_with_my_dad/
---
We’ve been out for the day and he wanted to buy a sandwich. I couldn’t get out of it without rousing suspicion. God those prepackaged sandwiches have so many calories in them. I managed to find one that was reasonable, 266 calories in a roast chicken one with yoghurt dressing on wholemeal bread. It was part of the shops calorie control range. I’m pretty sure he caught me checking the calories on all the packaging to find a low one. I ate three quarters of it and regretted it immediately.
The worst is yet to come, we bought dinner to have together later. A vegetable tagine with rice which all in all isn’t horrendous calorie wise, it’s the cheesecakes he insisted on buying. 333 in this little mango and passion fruit cheesecake. And I’ll have to eat it because I’m known in my family for loving dessert and if I don’t he’ll know something is up.
In the car on the way back I was panicking because I knew the calorie count for today was going to be huge. I was pretending to look on the packaging for the cooking times when actually I was trying to add up how many calories it’d all come to and he made a comment like ‘never mind the calorific value of it all’.
1,282 is going to be today’s calorie count. My aim is no higher than 800 a day. Add that to the fact that my dad is now probably suspicious of my eating habits and it makes today an incredibly shit one.
Small victory yesterday. I hope I'm not speaking too soon, but I think I'm breaking out of the alienation cycle.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sat May 12 06:38:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ivrao/small_victory_yesterday_i_hope_im_not_speaking/
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I've practically been on an oath of silence all year, partially because restriction puts me in a haze of irritation I don't want to subject anyone to and because speaking feels like a distorted form of communication when I'm in a depressive state, like a game of telephone between my mind and my mouth. I just didn't talk, like a kind of experiment designed to prove I'm on the verge of nonexistence, but yesterday a girl straight up told me she'd been fascinated with me since I gave my speech, doubly flattering since my speech was a slapdash piece of shit I did to avoid failing. Anyway, we're going out for coffee on Monday and I feel surprisingly decent for the first time in a while. I want to avoid my characteristic move of pinning too much hope on an event that could go awry, but fuck it, I'm just glad that I have some semblance of a life again. I have plans like a regular fucking person.
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 12 06:11:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ivmv5/daily_food_diary_may_12_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 12, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! May 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 12 06:11:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ivmv4/stupid_questions_saturday_may_12_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for May 12, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Do you guys think I should cut off my hair?
/u/kernalmustache
Created: Sat May 12 06:10:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ivmqi/do_you_guys_think_i_should_cut_off_my_hair/
---
So I've been thinking lately about how much hair I lose every day. In the mornings I can pull so many broken strands from my head. They're pretty close to full length strands of hair, but not quite. Basically I think that I permanently fucked up my hair when I was restricting heavily last year and while I can reduce the amount of hair that breaks in one day, it's not really enough. I think cutting it all off might be the only way to keep it from breaking so much, but I haven't cut my hair since high school. I've been growing it out for 3 years and the idea of cutting it just terrifies me. I'm also worried that if I cut it too short I'll look like a boy because I'm transgender. What do you guys think? Should I cut it or should I just leave it and hope it starts to look better a few years from now?
[Help] Problem of family dinners
/u/croutonhoe
Created: Sat May 12 06:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ivlbi/problem_of_family_dinners/
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so my family always cooks very greasy food, and my daily limit is 500kcal so i have no clue what to do. i don't want to eat but my family will act up if i dont. any tips on what you all do in these situations? i have never thrown up on purpose and i could use a few tips in that department too.
Everyone treats me like losing weight is my personality
/u/fart_away
Created: Sat May 12 05:24:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ivfhu/everyone_treats_me_like_losing_weight_is_my/
---
I've always had a bad relationship with food. Now that I'm taking control in my hands, people keep pointing out my restriction. It's infuriating. My dad keeps asking me my weight every single day as well as when I will eat. Everytime my parents have a meal he takes his time to describe what's for food in detail, as if he's dying to see my face or jump at the table like a gorilla. I don't even talk about my purging habits or restriction in front of anyone, or make any deal at all with food. Why do they have to do it? My mom begs me in the mornings to have breakfast then says that i need to stop wearing baggy things as it's my age to wear sexy clothes.. i just wanna die, can everyone stop their comments? My friends in college love pointing out how my stomach is going in, all the while munching whatever they see with reckless abandon, while *still* being thin. One of my naturally thin friends also tries to shove bites into my mouth.. like fuck you YOU don't know my internal monologues that finally let me not give up and you're thinking you're being oh so benevolent to me by shoving food in me. Every meal I have makes me gain like 2kgs, sorry I'm not built with perfect genetics like yours.
When I was far they ALL made fun of me for it and now they feel like it's their duty to make me eat. Fuck everyone. I hate food now it reminds me of the smell of puke. I hate people. I'm gonna die hungry but I'll never eat now or give in to their whines. I'm just so tired of giving in or people acting like they're being kind to me.
[Other] almost burned the entire house down during a binge lol
/u/burrochevola
Created: Sat May 12 04:58:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ivbob/almost_burned_the_entire_house_down_during_a/
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picture this:
me, in the middle of a binge, feeling shitty and hating myself, thinking making burgers is a great idea. put burger in the pan at high fire, forget about it & go up to my bedroom to binge some more.
me, smelling smoke while shoving chips in my mouth & crying. remember abt the burgers and run to the kitchen with chips still in my mouth & turn off the fire. the kitchen is a mess, i can't see anything by how much smoke there is & the entire house smells like burned meat. start sobbing by how fucking disgusting and useless i am, open all the windows. check the burgers in the pan. they're actually cooked and not too burned, idk how.
put burgers in the plate & start eating them while sitting in a cloud of smoke on the sofa & thinking therapy might actually be a good idea
Electrolyte supplements?
/u/strawstring
Created: Sat May 12 04:53:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ivazl/electrolyte_supplements/
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When fasting or low restricting for a few days, what tends to break me is feeling weak while walking/concentrating (I mean besides the usual sheer lack of willpower), but I think adding in electrolytes might help although I've never taken any before. Do you guys supplement with electrolyte powders/drinks? What are your recommendations??
Best low cal places to eat in London?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Sat May 12 04:41:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iv99f/best_low_cal_places_to_eat_in_london/
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I don't really know London that well, and when I do a google search there are just so many results I don't know where to start, haha. It's my birthday at the end of July (ages away but I'm a planner) and I'm supposed to be doing a day trip there with my SO and best friend from uni. Shopping, food, drinks, that kind of thing. I wanna be more lenient on myself cause y'know, birthday, but the idea of alcohol AND potentially fattening food is a bit scary, so I want to have options.
We'll probably mainly be in the Oxford Street to Covent Garden area, but happy to go some walking distance outside of that, so if anybody knows any good restaurants that list their calories and have low cal options that'd be amazing. I might let myself eat something higher cal, but like I said, I just want options in case I'm in a bad way ED wise on the day.
Thanks x
If you're looking for a sign not to binge, this is it!
/u/silkangels
Created: Sat May 12 03:22:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iuymw/if_youre_looking_for_a_sign_not_to_binge_this_is/
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I made this list for myself a while ago and thought maybe someone here could use it as well :)
* Binging is a bad habit. Habits take a while to form (your brain needs to reinforce new pathways) and they get easier with time. How do you break a habit? By doing the opposite. If you always stop in the kitchen to grab a snack on your way to the bathroom, consciously decide you won’t do it the next time.
* You will not “fix it” tomorrow. You’re more likely to panic and eat half the kitchen by lunch than you are to fast.
* Force yourself to start liking your body. I know, I know - if it was that easy we wouldn’t be here, but hear me out. Take some photos at a flattering angle. Take a shower and make yourself smell nice, maybe do your makeup if you’re into that. Thoughts are actions and if you feel good about yourself, you will eat well.
* **Your body doesn’t need a binge. You want it.**
* There is no “ultimate final binge”, they all make you crave more food and reinforce the bad habit.
* Stop validating your binging by trying to identify more and more triggers. It doesn't matter you got a bad grade or got into an argument with someone. Food won’t make you feel better when you’re tired or stressed. Getting some rest will.
* The part of your brain associated with self control is hypoactive right after you wake up from sleep. Wait for a while before making any food decisions.
* The dopamine rush will be gone by the time you’re finished with your meal.
* Try to find more stable sources of happiness (like knowing you are capable of controlling yourself around food!).
* It’s okay to feel uncomfortable. That’s when change happens.
* For anyone interested in neurobiology: food gives normal people a dopamine spike only once - then their brains recognize they're full and shuts down the reward centre. If they look at a picture of food after they've eaten, it has no effect on them. However, if you've severely restricted your intake before, this doesn't happen - your brain keeps pumping out dopamine at every mention/sight/thought of food, even AFTER you've eaten. This is why we get so obsessed with food and feel like we're never full. This is just something to keep in mind - for me, I realized that "intuitive eating" won't work if I don't at least approximately add up the calories in my head, because I could eat and eat and never stop. This is literally a form of addiction. Again, your body doesn't need the binge - you just want it.
* If you're into this science thing, [this study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4357519/) is worth a read, esp. the conclusion:
As reviewed elsewhere, it has been previously shown that sugar bingeing results in behaviors and neurochemical changes that are similar to those observed with drugs of abuse (Avena et al., 2008). The present findings suggest that in rats with a history of binge eating, access to a palatable food (sucrose) at a low body weight is associated with a simultaneous increase in DA and attenuated ACh release in the NAc. This may make the effect of sugar more like a substance of abuse. Binge eating on sugar can result in a state that is like an “addiction” (Avena et al., 2008). The resulting enhanced release of DA without the opposing rise in ACh that occurs when bingeing at a low body weight, as shown here, might perpetuate binge eating and contribute to addictive-like behavior characteristic of some eating disorders.
* Hunger comes in waves and if you wait it out, it will pass.
Hope you're all doing fine!
So it bothers me that mothers are the only ones portrayed as passing poor body image down to their daughters.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sat May 12 03:07:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iuwpz/so_it_bothers_me_that_mothers_are_the_only_ones/
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My father lived off (and still does) ridiculously small portions and regularly goes on crash diets in the name of health despite looking like a chemo patient. He simultaneusly pretends to be concerned about not fitting into the smallest jeans at virtually any store and brags about it. He sent me grocery shopping to get him ketogenic food, then shunned the majority of what I bought toddlerstyle (avocados, mozzarella, peanut butter with no added sugar, plain yogurt, steak, et cetera) in favor of eating two slices of low fat bacon and an egg per meal, because everything I bought wasn't actually ketogenic for reasons he never specified. Best of all, we're pretty tight with money right now, so he basically made me squander money on expensive food for the sole purpose of refusing to eat it. I know it's hypocritical to be pissed at him, but at least I'm not so deep in fucking denial that I buy food I know I won't eat just for the satisfaction of spurning it.
[Help] Which EC stack
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Sat May 12 01:56:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iunka/which_ec_stack/
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hey guys. I’m a very anxious person but I want to start taking the stack. Can you guys recommend the best or just the brand u have(in north america)??
Thanks!
[Discussion] Is it possible to eat “normal” ever again?
/u/__charlotte_
Created: Sat May 12 01:52:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iumyx/is_it_possible_to_eat_normal_ever_again/
---
Hey everyone!
Normally I am restricting to about 500kcal a day. A little b/p here and there, but I never gain much weight because of it. 2 days ago I was binging on so much junk food and alcohol, but I wasn’t able to purge afterwards. I tried talking laxative to feel less disgusting..
...today I dared to step on my scale again to see what damage I’ve done. I gained 3kg (7lbs)!! Like wtf?! I was expecting like one or one and a half... but 3?! Damn, that made me realize that I’ll probably never be able no eat “normal” or unhealthy stuff ever again. Even tho it was junk food I was eating that day, it still feels like I can’t eat anything above 500kcal without gaining. I feel beyond disgusting and devastated to realize that only one day out of control can ruin so much..
Anyone had similar experiences?
Any people that are going through recovery and might tell me how it’s possible to eat normal again with gaining 3kg a day?
Have a good day guys! 💚
Thanks Joe Rogan?
/u/ohhithere_
Created: Sat May 12 01:23:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iuj3h/thanks_joe_rogan/
---
About a year ago my boyfriend and I got in an argument about weight loss. He argued that I couldn’t starve my way to my goal weight stating that it was unhealthy to restrict food intake and that the next time I ate my body was just going to “hold onto” that fat to compensate (as if my fat cells have little hands and are reaching out for every morsel of fat I ingest???)
Fast forward to a few months ago when Joe Rogan had Dr. Rhonda Patrick on his podcast (I had no idea that Fear Factor Joe Rogan was credible enough for his own podcast on such a matter, but I digress). Ever since this podcast aired, my boyfriend (and others around me) have taken up “intermittent fasting” as a trend. See /r/intermittentfasting for examples. I tried to explain to him that this and OMAD are essentially what I’ve been doing since the dawn of time that was deemed so “unhealthy” prior to Joe Rogan’s enlightenment. But suddenly when Joe Rogan talks about it its gospel and he “never felt that way about fasting, only restricting” (WHUT?)
On the one hand I’m thankful because I can use it as an excuse to skip meals but on the other hand it pisses me off that something that the world has continuously frowned upon has suddenly been made popular by a guy who used to make people eat bugs on national TV. On top of that, these people are fucking good at it. 30 day water fast? I am barely make it a day some weeks.
Idk, maybe I’m just being a baby because this was always “my thing” and having people doing it along side me and even now supporting me through it just feels wrong. Like when your favorite band comes out with a new song and you love it until it gets on the radio and everyone who doesn’t even love that band starts to claim it’s their favorite song too.
Anyone else feeling weird about this?
[Rant/Rave] Going on Holiday with Family
/u/PurpleKatie
Created: Sat May 12 00:44:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iudj1/going_on_holiday_with_family/
---
I'm going on an all inclusive holiday with my family for 2 weeks in a month and I'm freaking out.
I'm currently spending half my time fasting and the other half eating under 800cals. I get away with it because I always take my meals to my room but there's literally no way to avoid sitting down for all my meals on this holiday. There's no way I can make excuses for not eating all through this, I have no idea what I'm going to do.
I'm trying to fast for as long as I can to get as low as I can before holiday so if I gain it isn't too bad. But I'm going to be surrounded by an all you can eat buffet for two weeks and I know I don't have that much self control. 😢
I'm there mentally
/u/littlebabby
Created: Sat May 12 00:39:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iucru/im_there_mentally/
---
So this might be long, I guess it's more of a rant than anything.
Back in high school I struggled with the idea of my body being fat and feeling general insecurities. I always tried to "force ana", but never got there mentally. I kinda got over it once I left high school and started adulting. I met my boyfriend 2 years ago and have been fine with eating. Occasionally I'll get sad and stressed and not eat for a few days, but that never goes longer than maybe two days and I rarely give it a second thought.
My boyfriend and I decided to relocate to a new city in the same state. We figured it'd be easier for me to move first to get established, settled and gain some money in my new job, and he'd move down later. Its the first time we've been apart like this in 2 years. I started having really bad anxiety right off the bat, as I was in an entirely new place and alone. I'm not sure what exactly happened, but I just fucking spiraled.
I wasn't consciously doing it. It was just happening. I work as a server in a very high volume restaurant, and because staffing was desperate when I started, they loaded up my schedule. I was just working and showering and sleeping. Literally. I went days and days without eating, and not really noticing hunger until I was about to fall asleep, or in the middle of a shift and not being able to do anything about it. I occasionally steal a cup of soup when I can.
I've been so sad and stressed and lonely. I realized what I was doing to my body a few days ago. But I don't care. I feel so stupid for not caring but I just cannot bring myself to. Its really weird to be aware of this, after being educated for so many years on how dangerous trying to starve yourself is. I'm logical about it, and I know exactly what I'm doing, but I don't fucking care. I can FEEL thinner when I look in the mirror and feel the hunger pangs. I FEEL like a dainty fairy when I'm empty and faint. I look thinner when Im empty.
I opened up to my boyfriend about it when it clicked. He knew I struggled with body image and high school was a hard time for me for multiple reasons. But I feel like he isn't taking me seriously and it's breaking my heart. I'm scaring myself because as much as I don't want this or as much as I would like to casually go make myself a sandwich, I feel so hideous and guilty and can't bring myself to do it and eat. I always kind of hint at him at how my stomach hurts and how I'm sad and I have no energy anymore. I guess I just want him to care more. I know he cares but he always is just kinda "Oh makes sense." or "I'm sorry". Even when I try to outright bring it up, he always promises we'll talk about it later when hes not so busy, and we never do. I get so angry and so frustrated that I'm just not receiving that support from him. I'm working my ass off down here to support us and move us and I'm struggling so bad and so hard and it's becoming literally impossible to hold myself together and support him and his separation anxiety I'm only one fucking person and I cant.
Thanks reddit.
[Tip] Best Ana Tip Ever
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Sat May 12 00:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iu9ym/best_ana_tip_ever/
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https://i.redd.it/sxprffb6bdx01.jpg
[Help] Vitamin/ supplement newbie
/u/little_chicken_wing
Created: Fri May 11 22:57:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8itx05/vitamin_supplement_newbie/
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So, I’ve noticed my hair has been increasingly dry and brittle. My hair has always been kinda dry so I use deep conditioning treatments and coconut oil and other moisture restoring products. So, my guess is I may be deficient in something or another.
Any recommendation on what kind of vitamins/minerals/supplements I should be taking?
I high restrict most all the time with bouts of low restrict days/weeks, and then like minor binge days in a row usually.
[Rant/Rave] Eating less and less after maintaining weight for a few days
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Fri May 11 22:24:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8itrab/eating_less_and_less_after_maintaining_weight_for/
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I maintained my weight for a few days, but I ended up “gaining” a pound of water weight thanks to binging on carbs.
After a few days, I decided to eat 1200 calories a day at the most. I thought it was a reasonable goal until I could ease my way back into healthy eating, but I realized that I’ve been unintentionally eating less — usually around the 900 range. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m less hungry as a result of quitting my birth control, but I think I’m secretly happy that I’m not eating as much.
what if I cut a laxative pill in half?
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Fri May 11 21:19:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8itfrj/what_if_i_cut_a_laxative_pill_in_half/
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I bought ex lax, and I cut it in half bc idk how high/low of a dosage I can tolerate \(never taken them before\) but when I cut it in half I noticed there was a thick white outer coating and the inside was powdery brown. Can I still take it or should I have left the outer coating on? What would happen if I took it with the inner pill exposed?
[Help] Best job for introvert / social anxiety?
/u/jaclynct
Created: Fri May 11 21:14:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8itev2/best_job_for_introvert_social_anxiety/
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I need to get a job but because of my ED I can’t get a job that requires face to face interaction with customers. Also, I am extremely easily overwhelmed and can’t work fast paced jobs. I only have a high school diploma. What are your suggestions on jobs that I can get that aren’t too fast paced and where I can be more by myself? I was thinking maid service in a hotel or something. I know this isn’t technically ED related but I really need help and this is my favorite subreddit. Thanks guys
[Other] ed feels
/u/cooldad2006
Created: Fri May 11 21:08:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8itdr4/ed_feels/
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restricting for 2 days to justify getting a honey butter chicken biscuit from whataburger after work tomorrow bc it's 560cal and i can't do it if I've eaten already :')
[Other] Is anyone fighting more of themselves than just an ED?
/u/girlinapanic
Created: Fri May 11 21:04:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8itczq/is_anyone_fighting_more_of_themselves_than_just/
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I don’t know how to explain, but I feel like I’m fighting myself constantly, pushing down who I am to try and fit what I’m supposed to be.
You grow out of being “emo” - fun coloured hair, rock bands and gigs, dark nail polish, piercings and tatts, skinny jeans and converse when you become an adult. Adults don’t have EDs, it’s just drama and attention seeking. Parents can’t have anxiety or depression or weird fixations with crime and unresolved mysteries. Civilised people certainly don’t have a sexual assault past now manifested as a rapekink.
I just feel like I am constantly pretending to be normal, that I’m not really able to be any part of myself. I must look and dress and eat normal. Not have hobbies. Not kitten to the bands I like. I have zero expression.
Anyone in the same boat or able to explain better?
[Discussion] Does anyone not hide that they have an eating disorder?
/u/littlestpeach
Created: Fri May 11 20:52:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8itauy/does_anyone_not_hide_that_they_have_an_eating/
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I’m on this shitty month long vacation with my mom and my sister and I’ve already been eating waaaaay fuckin more than I need to be. It’s easier for me to just not eat at all than to restrict, but if I completely stop eating then it’ll be unavoidably obvious to them as we’re together 24 damn 7.
But honestly, I kinda wanna just say “fuck it” and stop eating whatsoever and they wouldn’t try to force me to eat, but I know my older sister would judge me for it and think I’m more messed up than I already am. So, pretty much, if I start showing super obvious ED signs, then the worst thing that happens is my sister judges me, gives me a ton of shit about it, and just makes fun of me.
Do any of you not hide your eating disorder around your friends/family? What’s it like? And does anyone have any advice on what I should do because ya girl is struggling :c
DAE juul (to get rid of appetite or otherwise)
/u/carlisam9797
Created: Fri May 11 20:49:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8itabx/dae_juul_to_get_rid_of_appetite_or_otherwise/
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TL;DR everyone at my college juuls 24/7 so I finally decided to try it and have gone from struggling with restriction to force feeding myself dinner.
I'm going home from college this year ten pounds lighter than I did last year \(119 vs 129\). Last summer I went from 129\-114 so this summer my goal is 119\-105 \(my goal weight!\) :\)
Anyway, to do this, I've usually been eating 1200, which is really hard because I struggle with body dysmorphia and feel like it's too much, but I'm trying to get away from over\-restriction, which usually leads to b/p for me.
I bought a juul about 2 weeks ago so that I could go cold turkey on smoking cigarettes \-\- which I had been smoking at a rate of like a pack/week since September \-\- and I suddenly have NO APPETITE. Literally appetite suppression on par with doing coke. When I hit around 500\-700 calories I literally have to force myself to eat more to finish out the day. Anyone else do this?
Counting calories
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Fri May 11 20:32:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8it74r/counting_calories/
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I've always struggled with writing down everything I eat. A few weeks ago I started taking pictures of what I eat and I've learned so much about my eating habits. I don't weigh anything, but I always buy small packages that tell me the calorie count or I guestimate fruit/veggie calorie. I like seeing the aggregate of what I ate.
[Other] Carbs and calories in fruits
/u/andybbz
Created: Fri May 11 20:25:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8it5r4/carbs_and_calories_in_fruits/
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fruits were typically my safe food. I wouldn’t eat a lot of it but now after getting deep into articles about bananas, apples and stuff Un dieting articles I feel like I need to purge them too :(. I’ll just live off of sunlight and water like a vegetable but a high fat vegetable.
[Rant/Rave] HIT MY GW OMG
/u/uglydelicious
Created: Fri May 11 19:45:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8isy10/hit_my_gw_omg/
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Holy shit never though this would happen i gasped when i weighed myself, but setting a new goal to be down 10 more!!! Drinking wine to celebrate ❤️ whoop de whoop
[Thinspo] Using youtube recovery accounts (i.e. DudeBabe) as thinspo is fucking disgusting. This eating disorder completely fucks my moral compass.
/u/2fckk
Created: Fri May 11 19:19:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8issmp/using_youtube_recovery_accounts_ie_dudebabe_as/
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I just feel like a slimy little bitch. I'm really really on the brink of officially leaving recovery and diving into disordered behaviors again. I know my quality of life will plummet but...I crave the distraction that ED brings. I crave the "floating above life's emotions" and being all-consumed by restriction. It just dims the sharpness of life. And my life is great right now. Things are going well, shit is good. But recovery is uncomfortable. I'm constantly physically uncomfortable and chronically mentally yearning for my ED goals, structure, etc. It's soooooooooooooooo deeply alluring. I'm already doing dumb fucking shit like staying in on a friday night, beating myself up for not having homework done and submitted way in advance, binging on stupid ass sugar free cookies, and watching recovery counts as thinspo. As "Reasons not to recover" and to watch someone "so dainty" speak. LIKE NO YOU DUMB BITCH, THEY AREN'T DAINTY, THEY ARE DYING AND SUFFERING AND SO ARE YOU. WAKE UP. I am awake though and.....I wanna be half asleep again. Insane.
Old habits die hard
/u/ditchwater_Sal
Created: Fri May 11 19:17:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8issb5/old_habits_die_hard/
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Short background. Serious binge purge for over 10 years. I was never skinny, always obese because I binged on shit food. I convinced myself I was fine because "people with ED are skinny and count calories ". Eventually i started counting and when I started hating myself for breaking 40 calories a day ( half an apple and a slice of cheess so not even shit food) several days in a row I admitted I had a problem. I pulled my head out of my ass and focused on eating quality food. I still counted but I ate well and lost 40 lbs.
Then I slowly started counting less and lost 20 lbs. ( currently I'm 5 foot 8 and 175-180)
That was 4 years ago.
I have been really good for 4 years. I slip sometimes but never more than a few weeks. It can be hard sometimes, my partners ex wife ( and mother of his child) is a literal model. She's taller than me and rail thin. Her Instagram is just photos of her looking stunning. She used to work for a t.v series that involved her being naked and so there are countless photos of her in lingerie. I can't distance myself because she will be in our lives always.
In February , I got pregnant. I didn't catch it until April. ( a home test came back neg. And there was spotting and cramping) I terminated at 12.5 weeks. In that time I only gained 6 lbs but it was enough.
I've been having a really hard time not restricting again, I've been giving serious consideration to lipo.
I'm not really sure if I'm asking for advise or just releasing the tension into a crowd of people who will understand, but regardless of why thank you for reading. This sub Reddit has helped me stay clean and not hate myself when I slip into old habits. 💖
Fuck Period Weight
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Fri May 11 19:03:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ispjy/fuck_period_weight/
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Haaaaa I feel like shit.
I was doing *so* well with restricting, I was on track and even a day or two ahead of schedule. But then I got my period on Monday and now I've gained two pounds. I don't even think it's period weight right now, I've been off my period for almost 2 days now and I'm still hovering at 2 pounds heavier than I was before my period. And I didn't even binge this week.
I feel like shit and I leave for a trip next Friday where I'm going to be in a bathing suit with a skinny friend who also has an ED. This period really fucked me up lol. Wish my fatass luck.
I think I’ve finally broken my binge cycle!
/u/beneaththeblue
Created: Fri May 11 19:02:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ispbn/i_think_ive_finally_broken_my_binge_cycle/
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So I’ve been in a really down period recently and as a result I’ve pretty much just been gorging on any food I could get my hands on. Most days I’d end up purging out of guilt and just generally feeling gross but some days I wouldn’t have the energy and I would just curl up in bed feeling bloated and awful. This just ended up feeding into my depression and making everything even worse.
But today I decided it was enough and that I was going to aim for 1200. I finally left the house and met some friends for drinks and realised that socialising actually did make me feel so much better! Managed to fit all my drinks and a little food into 1200 and as crazy as it sounds I feel so proud! I even managed to avoid the post-alcohol binge when I got home!
Just felt like I wanted to tell someone about my teeny achievement since I can’t really tell anyone else aha... And to try and give hope to those who are in a similar position right now- no matter how hopeless it seems right now, you can and will get through this to reach whatever your personal goal is. I love you all! Wish me luck for tomorrow😊
Saké for dinner. It's ok if the numbers add up just right. You're all beautiful people and I love every one of you 💚💐
/u/Sidehothrowaway
Created: Fri May 11 17:58:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iscew/saké_for_dinner_its_ok_if_the_numbers_add_up_just/
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https://imgur.com/3MboMpl
DIY low-calorie juice!!
/u/whisper_willoww
Created: Fri May 11 17:32:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8is6v3/diy_lowcalorie_juice/
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I love juice, but it's incredibly caloric. The mango juice my family buys is ~140cal/8oz, so a tall glass would run you nearly 300 cals. What I do is take a tiny bit of juice, fill it almost all the way up with water, and just add a few drops of stevia. It tastes exactly like regular juice, and it has only a tiny bit of the calories.
lmao i fucced uppppppppp
/u/verypetitbourgeois
Created: Fri May 11 16:42:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8irvt8/lmao_i_fucced_uppppppppp/
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i was making research for meds online, mainly for Wellbutrin but also general pills that cut out apetite because I'm planning to quit smoking soon and im terrified of the weight gain and i've fallen back into drug-fueled ED and i meant to send myself (like in my messenger inbox to myself) a link to those diet pills but sent the link to my best friend.......
and he was like "whats this diet pills" and i tried to play it off as just quitting smoking but ugggghhhh i know he doesnt belive me.
Im so embarassed. I never talked to any of my friends about my ED, I only mentionned it to one of my shrink (and I had like 7 psychiatrists in my life)... I just cant look at people in the eye if they know about my ED.
I feel like now he'll see me in a different light anytime there's a mention of food or body or ugh i just wanna die
i just wanna never talk to him again or anything, i might ghost him lmao well......... THERE GOES A NICE 4 YEAR LONG FRIENDSHIP LOL
Family dinner tomorrow
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Fri May 11 16:33:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8irtru/family_dinner_tomorrow/
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I'm so nervous about tomorrow. I've been fasting for 5 days and I have to break it tomorrow night. I asked my mom and my aunts what we're having so I can add up the calories ahead of time but everyone refuses to tell me. I would love to just not go but that's simply not acceptable in my family. I'm worried I'll end up purging again... trying really hard to break that habit but I know no matter what it is it'll be a high in calories and it'll most likely make me feel ill. When I try eating small amounts with them they all freak out and if I don't eat everything they're eating it'll cause a huge scene. I love my moms family but they stress me out everytime I have to see them. Makes me hate having to visit them.
Sorry for the rant lol just needed to get that out there 😂😂
The best thinspo - my mom when she was my age
/u/an_anon93
Created: Fri May 11 16:33:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8irtq7/the_best_thinspo_my_mom_when_she_was_my_age/
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My mom had an eating disorder when she was my age (I’m 20) and has always been pretty open with me about it. She never got super underweight; from the photos I’ve seen I would guesstimate her LW was around 110 (we’re both 5’2”). She and I are built pretty much exactly the same way - same height and general weight distribution.
I know this is kinda fucked but seeing old photos of her at her thinnest is the BEST weight loss motivation for me because it’s like a preview of what I’d look like 10-15 pound thinner. At the same time I feel awful because I know she worries about me and has always been hypersensitive to my disordered eating habits (which have undoubtedly been getting worse lately). She actually has a relatively healthy relationship with food now and I know she’s tried her hardest not to pass this shit along to me, but here we are :(
[Other] Why is there no shitpost tag?
/u/PinkyOutYo
Created: Fri May 11 16:29:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8irspo/why_is_there_no_shitpost_tag/
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The guy that I've vaguely alluded to before has invited me out for dinner tomorrow. I guess I can eat again for a while.
Be still my beating heart.
[Rant/Rave] The app i use has started charging and im panicking
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Fri May 11 16:27:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8irsb0/the_app_i_use_has_started_charging_and_im/
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The app must have updated because it's been working fine and free up until now, and it's stopping me from adding more than 5 items and saying I have to pay for the full version :( I don't like any other apps cus this one works out exercise and the nutrients in all the food easily. In a weird way it's making me feel like I'm eating too much. 5 items just sounds like a lot of food now.
Of course I can just find another app or count all the numbers myself, but it's way easier just using an app to avoid invasive questions. It has all of my measurements in it and everything.
[Help] Self-harm (TW)
/u/meineschatzi
Created: Fri May 11 16:19:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8irqk2/selfharm_tw/
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I want to cut myself so badly. I haven’t done it in literally years but I had a bad day yesterday and I’ve woken up with so much self-loathing and I just want to feel it, I want to punish myself, I want to cause pain that will help me not to eat, to help me control.
The only reason I haven’t been is because I started dating and stuff, and you can’t get away with having cuts all over your stomach and thighs when you’re sleeping with people. Now it’s the one guy I’ve been seeing, and I’m not hanging out with him for another 8 days and I keep rationalising that he probably won’t look closely, if I pick the right spot it’ll be hard to see, I can be careful about what he sees when we’re not having sex. I’m just concerned that if I open this door I won’t be able to close it again. And me and this guy are nothing serious, we’re just casual and fun but I’m really enjoying it and I don’t want to fuck it up if he notices this.
But I am getting closer and closer to not giving a fuck because I feel like I need this.
How much weight do you generally gain from a binge?
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Fri May 11 16:13:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iroxi/how_much_weight_do_you_generally_gain_from_a_binge/
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I have never weighed myself after a binge and have always waited a few days but i have been very heavily restricting recently and just went on a massive binge, how much should i expect the scale to put on?
Maintaining with house guests
/u/Poopoodemons
Created: Fri May 11 15:47:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iript/maintaining_with_house_guests/
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So my husbands parents are in town and it’s so hard to maintain my calorie goals around them... but I’m proud of my sneakiness so far. We went out to breakfast and I ordered a side of tofu and a single pancake. I was able to successfully push it around and pawn off most of it on others insisting they “try some”
What sort of sneaky things do you do to avoid family noticing you not eating?
[Rant/Rave] finals season is the worst
/u/iceleo
Created: Fri May 11 15:46:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iriip/finals_season_is_the_worst/
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Everyones favorite time, finals szn has come around and I'm on the edge in all my classes which is wonderful. But to add on to the stress, all I want to do is count the living shit out of calories and purge, which means I'm way too tired to study. I wish I was one of those people that actually had energy while doing multi day fasts but I'm not \(T\_T\)
Any tips for finals and not thinking about calories and purging are welcome because that is all that seems to occupy my mind.
[Rant/Rave] I binged today
/u/thegoldghoti
Created: Fri May 11 15:38:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8irgh2/i_binged_today/
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I binged today and am absolutely livid. I ate two plates of chips, a plate of cheese, a little ice cream, and 8 wings today. Not to mention in a few hours I'll likely have to eat unless I can convince my mom to not make me eat. I tried to purge, but have never done so, so when I tried, I failed, and only threw up a little. I'm so pissed at myself. How do you guys avoid binging?
[Other] Have you all read the manga In the Clothes Called Fat?
/u/gasstationfantasy
Created: Fri May 11 15:16:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8irazg/have_you_all_read_the_manga_in_the_clothes_called/
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I've never been into manga but this one in particular hit me hard.It's about an overweight woman who wants to lose weight because she believes becoming thin and beautiful will solve her problems and make her more well liked. I won't spoil it too much but there is themes of disordered eating. It was a difficult read but I still recommend it because I know some of us can relate to it.
Life events have made my ED significantly worse and I'm legit scared
/u/are_you_for_real_tho
Created: Fri May 11 14:51:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ir4mm/life_events_have_made_my_ed_significantly_worse/
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So I've had EDNOS for quite some time, none of that is new. I make yo-yoing look like a professional sport when it comes to gaining and losing at a rapid pace...things were slightly better not too long ago, as I had gotten rid of most of my bingeing habits which in turn, made the purging go away as well.
And then last week happened. I was molested at a friend's party. And I don't even mean a drunken boob-grab, I'm talking fingers shoved down the pants kinda violated. It's a long story but to make it short, I really don't feel like I've been handling it well. My SO and friends think I'm fine but I am out of control recently. In one week I've ordered takeout 12+ times, eating 2,000+ kcal meals and immediately throwing them up only to down 2 bottles of wine. Every. Single. Day. Today I realized that I had partially lost my voice due to all the purging I've been doing. I'm terrified I won't have the control to stop this. I really feel out of control and don't know what to do. I don't feel like talking to anyone I know about it (SO + 1 friend already know) because what else is there to say? And how will saying it make me stop this b/p nightmare, anyway?
It feels like there's no end. I hate myself so much, I swear. I've already had 2 burgers, 9 chicken wings, 5 samosas, a plate of thai red curry and about a litre of soda and purged it all and I just want to fucking disappear right now. I honestly just want to restrict but I don't even have the sense of restraint that I usually do.
Don't even know why I wrote this to be honest. My mind is so scattered. I guess I'm just trying to reach out a bit. Maybe some of you have that same correlation of trauma --> Insane b/p episodes? If so, any advice on how to make it go away is more than welcome. I just need to hear that there's a possible solution to this really intense lack fo control...or at least that there's an end.
"Ideal body type" evolutions throughout my ED & current realizations
/u/jeanisdead
Created: Fri May 11 14:49:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ir47d/ideal_body_type_evolutions_throughout_my_ed/
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In the early 2000s, when my eating disorder started to develop & fester, it was all about having a flat tummy so you looked good in those super low cut jeans. Then, it was about being super fucking skinny in general. The "thigh gap" phenomenon. I spent many years trying to be as thin as possible so I would be considered desirable by the opposite sex, and envied by other women. Vanity is a huge issue of mine.
Fast forward to today. The ideal body type has changed, and so have I. I put on ten pounds of muscle as a result of going to the gym for a year and basically binging on healthy food with the occasional freak-out purge. Cuz old habits don't die overnight, nor do they dissipate just because you're "healthy" and working out.
This whole fitness trend that I've been sucked into in order to keep up with the fucking jones' has confused the fuck out of my eating disorder. On one hand, I'm really proud of myself for keeping down some mega binges of healthy food and changing my body composition. I got that ass and those thighs that I envied a year ago. I've always wanted more ass, but couldn't commit to eating for it.
I've stopped to think about what I really want, and I don't even know anymore. Some days, I'm in love with what I've worked for. I have a much better relationship with food now. Other days, my thought process is fucked. "Do you know how much weight you could lose if you just stopped being a pig for a week? You built all that muscle up, if you could restrict, you'd lose so quickly"
Perfection is an elusive target.
[Discussion] Yesterday I said tomorrow
/u/chipmunknutter
Created: Fri May 11 14:17:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iqutu/yesterday_i_said_tomorrow/
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And today I went to the store to buy c&s food and rushed home. I just threw it all away. I guess it’s a step but my brain keeps shouting that I’ll miss the food which might be true but I miss my sanity more in this moment.
[Discussion] Where is the line (discussion)
/u/Suchsmolsuchwow
Created: Fri May 11 14:03:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iqqz5/where_is_the_line_discussion/
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I was watching a show and this lady said for her, she just didn't know where the line between a diet and her disorder was. It got me thinking and I talked to my bf about it. He actually said I just don't know where the line is. For me, dieting is like limbo - how low can you go with your calorie count. And I get stressed at going over 1000 and get particular about what I'll Eat, and measure everything, get guilty over eating anything. But on days where I'm like I'm not dieting today it seems to just stop. I don't get it, I don't know what's wrong with me, I honestly question if I have a disorder or am just dieting aggressively. So - where is the line in your mind?
[Rant/Rave] Suprise bonus!
/u/crochetyhooker
Created: Fri May 11 13:41:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iqk9s/suprise_bonus/
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Following info in this sub, I started taking bronkaid ince or twice daily. That coupled with hydroxycut and regular coca cola have helped me shed weight.
But I just noticed... no spring allergies! I usually can't even be around a mowed lawn or blooming tree without breaking into machine gun sneezing. NOTHING! I'm elated 😁
Ate 258 calories yesterday
/u/supemery
Created: Fri May 11 13:40:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iqjwu/ate_258_calories_yesterday/
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I posted a couple weeks ago about bingeing after my hospitalization and I’m finally back to restricting. A few days of success finally. Aaand this morning I had lost 2 pounds. It’s probably water weight but I don’t give a fuck.
Oh no
/u/guyinskeletoncostume
Created: Fri May 11 13:07:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iqbls/oh_no/
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My husband has adhd and his doc just switched him from Adderall to vyvanse. I had tried his Adderall once but it made me feel like crap and super tired, just like too much caffeine does, so I was like OK I guess stimulants are not for me :'( Buuuut he just let me try one of his vyvanse and ohhhhhhh mah gawd. This is it. This is what I've been looking for. I have energy, no hunger, my mood is lifted, and I'm even in less pain. It's a Christmas miracle, except now I have to find a way to get more of it, since I obviously just can't keep taking his. I guess luckily I'm still fat so maybe I can get my doc to give it to me for binge eating?? But then they'll take it away when I reach my gw...
[Rant/Rave] Misplaced feelings of hatred
/u/handzies
Created: Fri May 11 13:04:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iqaxy/misplaced_feelings_of_hatred/
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I'm not sure what part of me this feeling always comes from, but when I see people getting attention through hardship I get mad.
Or profiting from saying they had a hard ship. Or people just being like "oh so suffered from this but I am like totally better now"
People who will post on social media and be like " I had an eating disorder and that past three months have been hell for me but thanks to -this product- and -this artist- i feel beautiful again" then get comments by the hundreds being like "yes you are so strong and beautiful"
"I had to make the hardest decision of my life in February and I was feeling so depressed. But now I do yoga at -this studio- with -this instructor- and now my life is shiney and beautiful.
Why cant I just accept that they can be happy? Why does it make me hate them so insanely? I mean stomache turning no-redemption rage?
I believe in talking about your problems with those you love, and those who matter in your life. I believe in sharing in struggle, and findi g comfort in a sense of community. It bothers me that I can't sooth these feelings. I stay off social media and never say anything mean, but if I see them in person I just can't be their friend. Hearing people call them insperational just makes me gag.
Unexpected weight loss, don't know how to feel about it
/u/kpatable
Created: Fri May 11 12:30:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iq1rj/unexpected_weight_loss_dont_know_how_to_feel/
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Idk if this is just a random extended fluctuation but my weight over the past 3 days \(including today\) has been 134, 133, and 133.5 lbs. AND my waist is a solid 28" *even though I've been bloated*. All of these numbers are below my current baselines of 136 lbs and 28.5", and it's really confusing to me because for the past few weeks I have been 100% sure I have been maintaining or overeating almost everyday. The only different thing I've been doing is going on 30\-60 minute walks 2\-3 times a week, but that hardly seems like enough to make me lose weight.
Am I just worrying about nothing, though? It's only been 3 days in a row \(though my average weight *has* seemed to be shifting down slightly over the past month\). After all, this is weight loss! It freaks me out a bit that it's unexpected because it means I have to be calculating things incorrectly, and I know you all can understand how anxiety\-provoking that can be. My boyfriend says to just pay attention, and 3 days isn't ridiculous, and I agree. But it* feel*s ridiculous, ya know? Idk. Wat do?
[Discussion] logging starbucks help? question in comments
/u/Matryoshka-Doll
Created: Fri May 11 12:26:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iq0oj/logging_starbucks_help_question_in_comments/
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https://i.redd.it/fv5fa7rwr9x01.jpg
EC stacking vs Adderall?
/u/renewtheplaintiff
Created: Fri May 11 12:06:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ipv9k/ec_stacking_vs_adderall/
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Hey guys!
So I’ve done Adderall quite a bit back in college (for study & party purposes) and the comedown was one of the worst depressive/sluggishness episodes of my life.
I’ve just started EC stacking (first day!) and I’m experiencing the same insane energy. Planning to do it only on weekdays for 2 weeks, to lose 10lbs. Would I crash hard after? Any experiences? Should I do it only every other day?
[Goal] I'm thinking I want something like this for my next tattoo. I want it on my right upper arm area. What do you all think?
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Fri May 11 12:05:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ipv3g/im_thinking_i_want_something_like_this_for_my/
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https://i.redd.it/zg8ddhd5o9x01.jpg
[Help] Favorite break room snacks/must haves?
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Fri May 11 11:57:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ipst6/favorite_break_room_snacksmust_haves/
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We are setting up a new office space and now I'll have a spot to stash some must-have at work.
I'm trying to find a decent coffee creamer to mask the office coffee (if I had the funds, I would personally order the coffee but the stuff they order for us is nasty).
I also want to know what your must have are as far as low calorie snacks that are easy to store, condiments, etc? For when I'm feeling faint but didn't bring any food.
TIA!
My shorts finally fit after 6 months!
/u/watermeloonsooda
Created: Fri May 11 11:53:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iproj/my_shorts_finally_fit_after_6_months/
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Guys!! i’m so happy! There is this pair of shorts i bought two years ago and even though i love them they were way too small for me and wearing them meant i would suffer all day cause they were too tight.
I have been semi starving myself/working out for a few weeks know because i have a depressive episode and i wanted to give them another chance today.
They don’t feel uncomfortable at all, maybe a little short but i’m not holding my breath or feeling bloated.
This is the inspiration i needed for this whole month!
I Finally Told My Brother About My ED
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Fri May 11 11:46:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ippaj/i_finally_told_my_brother_about_my_ed/
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Background: My big brother is one of my best friends in the whole world. He and I are really close. He's also very ill in the sense that he has only one kidney and he only has 75% of that one kidney. So he wants me to try and be healthy and lose weight healthily because his ex had an ED and it destroyed their relationship, which also means he notices the signs. So when he emailed me a NOVEL that was a good 10 pages long about how much he cares about me and how much he's worried about me, it crushed me. He's all I have as far as family goes. Our dad died very young (he was only 39) so my brother is my only family, really.
He made a deal with me, if I lose weight healthily, he'd buy me a tattoo of any kind of any size. As long as I kept up. This only made me inclined to lie, not actually lose weight the healthy way. So it was really counterproductive.
I lied and pretended I was losing weight the old fashioned way. Healthy diet and exercise. I would tell him about how much better I feel and stuff. But it started to eat away at me that I was being so dishonest. So I started trying my best to actually be healthy but every other day, I'd lapse back into heavy restriction.
Well yesterday, I finally came clean. I learned that his BUN levels are really off and he may have to start dialysis soon. Which means I have to go to his next doctor's appointment with him to determine whether or not I'm a blood and tissue match because I'm the only one young enough to donate a kidney.
So this whole time I haven't been taking care of myself. Drinking Monsters and coffee all the time, smoking cigarettes, not drinking enough water. And now I have to get on track so I can get my levels to where I can actually donate.
I told him "you're harvesting my kidney whether you like to or not!" He always responds with "I was hoping I could wait long enough to grow my own kidney in a petri dish!"
He works 12 hour shifts and never takes a day off and this is all gonna kill him and if I can't give him my kidney, I'll be devastated because then he has to be waitlisted.
I told him I wasn't doing well and I was back on my bullshit. He told me "it's okay. We all fall off the wagon. This is life. Life can be super shitty, but you'll get back to it." He didn't yell like I thought he would. I feel so selfish for not taking care of myself because it will directly affect *him*. Fuck, dude.
TL;DR: Brother may need to go on dialysis because he has one kidney, and his one kidney is a super shitty kidney. I had to admit to him that I haven't been taking care of myself like I should so that I could give him one of mine if I'm a match. I have to get back to a healthy lifestyle so he doesn't have to be wait listed and possibly die before he gets a kidney.
[Discussion] What are you craving rn? (TW: mountains of delicious calories. Srsly don’t read if ur in danger of binging today)
/u/FoodIsForDORKS
Created: Fri May 11 11:30:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ipkjz/what_are_you_craving_rn_tw_mountains_of_delicious/
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I want:
Tuna poke with crab salad, rice, lots of soy sauce, avocado, and those fried onion flake things.
A sausage & egg McMuffin which is weird cuz I’m pescatarian and haven’t had sausage in a year and a half.
Mashed potatoes.
A lobster roll.
Deep fried California rolls.
5 year+ aged cheddar.
A salt bagel with a disgusting amount of cream cheese.
Vegan chicken...so much vegan chicken. Fried tenders, orange chicken w/ rice, buffalo nuggets...I want it ALL.
Fortunately I have like $4 rn and none of the things I want are in the house so I can’t binge.
Officially underweight
/u/MissMagus
Created: Fri May 11 11:27:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ipjpm/officially_underweight/
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However, this week is gonna ruin that. Im on vaca with my boyfriend to visit his grandma and they're making all these meal plans....like spaghetti, and chocolate cake, and winery trips...
All my hard work is about to be soiled, man. He knows about my habits, and used to have an ED himself. He keeps tantalizingly saying how we're gonna get so fat this week and its seriously bugging me out. Like, he means so well and just wants us to indulge and have fun but fuck. I got back down to 108 and it seems like i gain every time we chill cause he wants pizza, or wine, or ice cream...
Idk. Im proud I'm underweight now, and can wear wife beaters again, and i really dont want this week to ruin it.
I already had a burger today cause his buddy wanted burgers....mine was only 350 cal but THERES A BOTTLE OF WINE AND 2 THINGS OF CHAMPAGNE CHILLING RIGHT NOW CAUSE THEY WANNA DRINK TODAY. AND THEN GO TO A BAR LATER.
LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH. ITS GONNA BE A LONG WEEK.
I only had like 500 cal yesterday though, so I have some wiggle room, but im already at like 450-500 today and its only 1pm. Fucking christ I'm stressin.
[Discussion] DAE tell others they weigh more than they do cause they feel like liars for saying their actual weight?
/u/girlwhosalwayscold
Created: Fri May 11 11:15:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ipg72/dae_tell_others_they_weigh_more_than_they_do/
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I swear my scale is lying to me. I *supposedly* weigh 98lbs....honestly it's my dream weight. A year ago I couldn't even imagine being under 100lbs, I thought I'd be over the moon! But damn, do I feel like a fraud.
There is NO WAY someone who weighs 98lbs should still be this fat! The number on the scale changes, but my body shape seems to look EXACTLY the same as it did when I was like 120lbs. My collar bones look the same, my thighs are still fat as fuck, and this fupa....this god damn fupa, dude. I'm starting to think it will never leave.
I went to the hospital for a panic attack that I presumed was a heart attack, at the time I was 96lbs, and when I got the release papers, they estimated me to be 115...that was a sobering realization. I do not look my weight at all.
Now if someone asks me how much I weigh, I say around 110-120 cause I feel like if I told them my real weight, they'd be like, "Ha! You wish!" and think I was delusional. But I hate saying that cause who wants to say they're the weight they've always been when they've tried for a year to get underweight? At 98lbs I thought I'd be a dainty lil thing, but nope...guess I'll change my GW to 80 now.
Haha I hate my body :)
[Discussion] DAE side-eye certain recovery pages?
/u/allkindsofnewyou
Created: Fri May 11 11:08:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ipe8d/dae_sideeye_certain_recovery_pages/
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I follow a few on Instagram and one or two in particular stand out to me - they post long diatribes and rhetorical questions in their picture captions, the pictures are mainly before and after pictures and pictures of their food.
The thing is, some of these people have been "recovered" for over a year and are still not weight restored, which would be a BMI of at least 18. It makes me think that they're not really recovered; they've just swapped one addiction with another. Things like obsessing over macros, ya know what I mean?
Does anyone else feel this way? Sometimes I think I'm an asshole for thinking this, but at the same time I feel like a year or more is enough time to become weight restored. I know how hard it is, we all do, but I don't think it's right to declare yourself recovered when you haven't reached a "healthy BMI".
I don’t know if I “count,” but something’s up
/u/exballerina_exskinny
Created: Fri May 11 10:16:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iozza/i_dont_know_if_i_count_but_somethings_up/
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I’m not diagnosed with an ED, and I technically don’t have any ED behaviors, but I have a LOT of ED thoughts. And they plague me all the time. This is a VERY long rant/vent, but thank you for letting me post.
I used to be a ballerina growing up, and i was SO skinny, but I still had boobs and hips, so I loved it. In my head, I looked like the ideal woman with big boobs, a firm toned ass and thighs, and i was 5’7” and under 110lb. I didn’t even eat differently to get that weight and body—it was all ballet training. I had friends with EDs, but I ate whatever I wanted. It was amazing.
Then I stopped ballet, went to college, and filled out. I still thought I looked pretty, but I remember the very first time I had an ED thought was my freshman year. I gained about 5-10 pounds, and I stuck a toothbrush down my throat and puked. I cried and hated myself and didn’t do it again. Until I developed anxiety puking the following year. I didn’t lose any weight from it, as it wasn’t about purging—it was about punishing myself for my anxiety. It was complicated.
Then I blew up. My last year of college I was over 150 pounds. It turns out I had an undiagnosed food allergy, which explained the weight gain, but cutting out the food didn’t help my weight. I struggled with dieting, because I was depressed and hated my life. I began having more ED thoughts about restriction and purging. I attempted not to act on them, but it wasn’t easy.
Two years ago I lost over 20 pounds bc I found out I needed to cut out refined sugar from my diet (pre-diabetic), and at the same time I had a surgery that kept me on a liquid diet. Restricting my food like that felt amazing. My hip bones jutted out like they used to when I was a dancer. I saw every single rib. My clothes fell off of me. I would say stuff like “this much weight loss can’t possibly be healthy,” but I was secretly thrilled and so SO proud of myself. This was the body I wanted. I was at about 120, and even though a small part of me wanted to lose even more, I still felt amazing.
Then the weight came back. I was diagnosed with PCOS, which means my ovaries and testosterone are fucked, and my body struggles hard with losing weight. My insulin is a mess. I’m close to 150. My clothes look horrible on me. I want to stop eating forever. I want to drink tea and nothing else. I want to feel as beautiful as I did when I was an itty bitty teenage ballerina.
Thanks to the PCOS, I’m on a medication that destroys my appetite. I’m never hungry, and my stomach doesn’t gnaw at me when I don’t eat. But I don’t have the willpower most people who suffer from EDs have. I force myself to eat anyway. I love the taste of food. Even though I hate myself every single time.
My bf has an ED, but his isn’t about weight. It’s a mental block he has with food. But he loves to cook and he loves to feed me, so he eats when I eat. He’s improved so much. I love him with everything I have. I know me having an ED will make his worse. That’s how it works. But my new diet that we both agreed on is a homemade smoothie for breakfast and dinner, and a “solid” meal for lunch. I only agreed to the solid lunch bc I don’t want anyone at work picking up on my weird eating, and I know they will. But I know that means he will also only drink smoothies for food, and I don’t want that for him... even though he’s a great smoothie maker, and he makes sure there’s enough protein and vitamins to keep us safe.
I’m sorry for this insanely long walk of text. I just needed somewhere to talk. I think I’ve been borderline for a long time. I have a therapist and we’ve worked through everything but this. I just need to be skinny. I need to be beautiful. And right now I’m not.
[Rant/Rave] Happy Mother’s Day and all that fucking shit
/u/Grellous8
Created: Fri May 11 10:14:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iozcv/happy_mothers_day_and_all_that_fucking_shit/
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I fucking hate my mom. Like, I know it’s Mother’s Day soon and all, but honestly she has been all over my ass lately about me eating “unsafe” foods. Background on me: I was doing low carb and cutting out most carbs to decrease cravings and bloat/water retention. We’ve been seeing a dietitian and she is recommending I eat more grains, which I fucking hate. My mom is forcing me to have rice at every meal pretty much. As a result, I’m starting to just say fuck it, if I’m eating rice, might as well not restrict anything; cue binging basically all of my waking hours. But all my mom sees is that I’m finally eating “healthy” again (which I am not; the body doesn’t even fucking need carbs. Hello, mom, have you ever fucking heard of what ketosis is?!?). So, while I’m basically on suicide watch and fucking hating life cuz she’s making me eat all this useless shit I don’t need, she’s happier than ever and it just fucking irks me. It irks me that she’s so fucking happy-go-lucky knowing that I’m just so goddamn miserable as fucking shit. It irks me that she’s so happy even though I’m suffering. I just want to go back to low carb; I even promise that I’ll eat more, maintenance, hell, I’ll even do a bulking diet, but FFS mom, just let me do lo-carb as well; grains provide no nutritional value that I couldn’t obtain from any other food source. Fuck you.
I'm going back to school. Should i use or avoid the eating disorder group there if people knowing gives me anxiety?
/u/letstryforkarma
Created: Fri May 11 09:56:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iouaj/im_going_back_to_school_should_i_use_or_avoid_the/
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I'm a straight maleand going back to school feels like a second chance at having a social life/makimg new friends that don't know how weird i am (yet).
I live in an "extra-large small city". I used the local group here as well as the treatment facility. It felt ok because i was om the darkwst place ever and knew my friends could not and would not empathize with me having an eating disorder. They're all gym bros and would call me a lazy fatass if i ever brough up eating disorders in the past passing it off as a joke.
There are no other services at my disposal anymore except for the student ones. I know that confidentiality is assumed by attendees. But i wouldn't put it past undergrad kids telling their friends if our social circles overlap.
I went through a terrible full year of waiting lists, therapy, and inpatient all without barely telling anyone besides family. I feel like my ED being "out there" would cause me to isolate oit of shame and I'm trying to start my life over.
Wwyd?
Beware of diet pills: garcinia cambogia
/u/Kathleen_Thomasa
Created: Fri May 11 09:00:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ioel2/beware_of_diet_pills_garcinia_cambogia/
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I tried to find a natural diet pill with good reviews and ordered Skinny gal weight loss. I took one and woke up the next morning down a pound. The next morning I took another and per the instructions, took one before eating. It’s odd but while I felt hunger my appetite was suppressed. Anyway I had a terrible reaction at work. I’ve had panic attacks before but this was one of the worst I thought I was actually going to pass out. My heart felt out of wack and I felt detached from reality. I was pacing and jittery. And I work at a daycare this sort of thing doesn’t fly. Anyway I was looking though the reviews and it looks like the company is manipulating them. I worked at a weird company that did something similar. When I did a google search on the pills one site was suggesting they were using Pure garcinia cambogia. And Bought it finally
Really it amazing diet pills
I have bought the pill from the link\>\> [https://garciniacambogia\-zt.blogspot.com](https://garciniacambogia-zt.blogspot.com/)
oh my god
/u/fuckingeffy
Created: Fri May 11 08:49:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iobvq/oh_my_god/
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i've never weighed this much in my entire life. i fell off the wagon like a week ago, and i've been eating everything in my path since. and now.. this is what i get. 168.8 pounds. i noticed yesterday that my torso looked.. pretty wide. i have been refraining from weighing myself because i knew i wasn't going to like the number but oh my god.. this is just. unforgivable. i cannot believe i've done this to myself. i'm fasting as of this morning. holy shit. i'm so so upset. i don't know what to do with myself.
Panda Express??
/u/thelonelykitten_
Created: Fri May 11 08:46:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ioatt/panda_express/
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I’m getting Panda Express for lunch with work people but I CANNOT figure out the nutritional info. If I get the mixed veggies as a side and the beef and broccoli as my entree, how many calories is that? Their website says beef and broccoli is 150 cals but that does seem right to me? Cause it’s listed by weight and not serving size? How big is a serving?
Too many calories and only had breakfast
/u/crankyhedgiebutt
Created: Fri May 11 08:33:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8io7fq/too_many_calories_and_only_had_breakfast/
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Omg I am freaking out. I had pretty much my daily amount of calories just at breakfast. I wasn't thinking because I'm running around like crazy and have to catch a flight. I swear I'm gonna have to try to exercise today or not eat for the rest of the day (I'm not good at that). Idk if I have time to exercise before I leave. I feel like I should go to the bathroom and throw up I already am so freaked out it wouldn't be hard. Haven't done that before.
Omg what should I do? I really hope I can just exercise and not have to purge. Fuck my life. I also didn't eat good really this week. I want to cry. I feel myself getting fat. I so gained weight this week, I had to. Next week I'm gonna have to really limit. Just kill me.
I'm so excited to be flat-chested
/u/gasstationfantasy
Created: Fri May 11 07:55:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8inxbw/im_so_excited_to_be_flatchested/
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I never had much to begin with( I was a 34a before I became anorexic), but now that I'm super close to nothing I'm ecstatic. I get why some people find it unattractive, but honestly I find it so androgynous and cute at the same time. I've always hated the way they look in dresses and t-shirts. I definitely won't be missing the feeling of weight on my chest. I think I'll look better in bralettes too.
Good riddance.
Chronic pain
/u/jnlh93
Created: Fri May 11 07:37:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8insqs/chronic_pain/
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Is anyone else dealing with chronic pain or illness on top of disordered eating?
I'm average 388 cals a day for the past month and my discomfort and pain is at an all time high. I'm seeing the dr on Monday and I'm very far from underweight so he won't ask about intake (Thank god because I need to bring my average down to 300 a day over the next three months) but I'm wondering whether taking my tramadol on an empty stomach stops it working?? Does anyone know? Does anyone relate? I'm barely coping at work due to the pain.
Naltrexone 50 days later update (last one)
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Fri May 11 07:05:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8inky5/naltrexone_50_days_later_update_last_one/
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I’m still on the 25mg and none of my other medications have changed besides getting anti-spastic medication for IBS and taken as needed.
Classes are over so my stress level is less (but now I’m working a full day job and taking an online course so I’m still kind of stressed).
I haven’t been able to exercise as much as I want to either, and I’m bummed about that. My weight has stayed the same given I have had a few instances of b/ping AND just started to meticulously weigh food again. Hopefully I lose weight now that I can weigh my food again.
Now, if I am upset, food is still my first thought as a way to make myself feel better, but it’s more like an mirage. When I eat, it tastes good, I like it, but I can stop. I can say no more. I can say bingeing is not the answer. I still have anxiety of having food in me, but that obsessive tendency of overthinking about food is 1/5 of what it used to be. I still think about food a lot but that’s because I’m in charge of groceries, meal prep, and nothing else is really going on in my life. When at work, my responsibilities do come first now. I don’t skip out on life in order to satisfy a binge and then worry about purging later on. I feel pretty fucking good about it.
Downside, I’m now drinking because I have wonderful friends, but it just makes me sleepy and kind of numb. And I wake up with the worst aftertaste in my mouth. So alcohol is good but I don’t enjoy it as much. I also have less of an exercise high too. I hope I can just continue taking this pill forever. I know one day I’ll get off of it, but I hope it’s not anytime within the next few years.
Side note: bronkaid still works just fine, caffeine works too but I don’t want/need coffee anymore. I actually dislike it now. I still have a sweet and savory tooth but it’s a NORMAL urge rather than a disordered one. No other medical issues come up with medication combos with the drug. I even took an opioid for a bad cough and was fine.
[Help] Someone took my caffeine pills and I’m low key freaking out
/u/FoodIsForDORKS
Created: Fri May 11 06:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8inhrm/someone_took_my_caffeine_pills_and_im_low_key/
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My roommate cleaned out the bathroom and ALL of my pills with caffeine in them are gone. I think she just took them bc she wanted them -.-
My fave one was a preworkout pill that has l-theanine in em so you don’t get jittery but it also has 200mg of caffeine so it’s a LOT. And it’s gone. So I’m drinking black coffee and I’m PISSED bc I know I’m gonna be shaky.
I feel like a junkie. Which is stupid because I used to literally abuse amphetamines every day so it shouldn’t feel just as traumatizing to be out of fucking OTC caffeine pills.
I’m rlly anxious :( today is gonna be shit. I’m way too scared of confrontation to ask her if she took them.
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! May 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 11 06:13:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8in95h/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_may_11/
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This is the weekly picture thread for May 11, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
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[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 11 06:13:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8in94d/daily_food_diary_may_11_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 11, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Today is my 20th bday
/u/elevenosix__
Created: Fri May 11 06:04:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8in77j/today_is_my_20th_bday/
---
I wasnt going to celebrate it because Ana was screaming at me i didnt deserve it. But i will. Im gonna have my favorite foods and enjoy it. Because i deserve it.
Looking for a girl that vlogged about her eating disorder struggles and how she dealt with them?
/u/circa90melancholy
Created: Fri May 11 05:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8in2cx/looking_for_a_girl_that_vlogged_about_her_eating/
---
I'm hoping someone here might know the name of a channel.
There was a girl with a Youtube channel where she'd vlog about different struggles she had in trying to recover from anorexia. She kept a blog, too. I can't remember the channel name and I can't remember anything about what her name might have been, but she had a square jaw, wore glasses, was dirty blond, and eventually got a really short haircut. I believe she mentioned she was around 16-24. I think she'd vlog every month or two and may or may not have been interested in horses.
In regard to specific content, I know she made a few videos about eating during the holidays and was a bit more open and less pedal-y than a lot of channels in that I don't think she was trying to heavily advocate for other people to recover and was also being somewhat honest with what she was struggling with. Minimal editing, simple thumbnails, like ones where half the thumbnail is just a colored curve. Does anyone recognize the channel I'm trying to describe?
Sorry if this is out of place.
Why am I like this
/u/HonestRaspberry
Created: Fri May 11 03:11:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8imcq8/why_am_i_like_this/
---
My teacher gave out snacks- smarties and cheese puffs for my group for answering questions. Instead of enjoying like others, I freak out and reject the food. My friend insist I take it and I binged . Why am I doing this. I counted the calories and its 300 for all the snacks . I could give them away or enjoy them slowly. Why must I binge on them? I need to stop binging. :(
[Discussion] Anybody else feel dead-ass tired after purging?
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Fri May 11 01:51:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8im193/anybody_else_feel_deadass_tired_after_purging/
---
Idk about others here, but a really long, intense purge drains the shit outta me - physically and emotionally. I have found that I fall asleep easier after a good, long purge sesh.
It fucking sucks, I’d rather not eat at this point. Fuck my life, fuck EDS :/
Just one week...I can do this
/u/Profeshed
Created: Fri May 11 01:41:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ilzqj/just_one_weeki_can_do_this/
---
I’m going to a festival in a week, and I really slacked on my restriction goals. I wanted to be another 7-10 lb lighter but I kept binging. I’m going to look ok...not horrible, but not to happy if I don’t make a change in the next week.
I can do this for just one week.
I can fast for a couple days, and heavy restrict with high protein for the rest.
It’s just one week.
In one week I can make a difference, and I can treat myself after the festival.
Please help me feel motivated ❤️❤️❤️
[Discussion] DAE drink and then binge?
/u/sbspaceman
Created: Fri May 11 00:41:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ilq7i/dae_drink_and_then_binge/
---
seems thats all i ever do when i drink lol
[Rant/Rave] Sometimes I "sabotage" customer's drinks at work so it's more unhealthy for them
/u/ha11ucinogens
Created: Fri May 11 00:25:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ilnme/sometimes_i_sabotage_customers_drinks_at_work_so/
---
I do this by adding more sugar/flavoring syrup/drizzle into the coffees. Really, I'm not doing much besides making their drink taste better, and it's such a small amount most people wouldn't notice/care but to me it's a lot.
It's hard to explain my reasoning for it.
It doesn't make sense but in the moment I think that if I'm making other people consume more calories and sugar, than I'm even further ahead of them in consuming less, and that means it's okay for me to eat more (which i don't, but it's the thought that's counts lol). It also makes me feel like I'm consuming less since everyone is getting more, which is obviously not true and just stupid.
I almost do it in a mean way. I hate calories and sugar so much, in my head I'm giving the customer something awful. I think I'm making them fatter, so that means I'll look smaller.
Sorry I just had to vent that out and wanted to know if anyone has ever done something similar.
*I could see this possibly upsetting people so I just wanted to say I don't do it for every drink. If someone says "hey I have diabetes can you make sure that it's sugar-free flavoring?" I 100% never mess with that and would never.
[Discussion] Can't sleep?
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Fri May 11 00:06:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ilkkk/cant_sleep/
---
Okay ever since I dropped my cal from God knows what to about 1500 or 1200 I can't seem to fall asleep at night? Was I stuffing myself to exhaustion before or is it something else? Thanks for reading.
Oreo Thin Bites Are DANGEROUS
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Fri May 11 00:04:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ilk6b/oreo_thin_bites_are_dangerous/
---
They taste like tiny girls scout cookies and its 150 for 9 of them but I counter out the 9 and restricted to 300 calories today so I'm not too terribly worried but once I ate my 9, I wanted 9 more, I was pretty sure it was gonna turn into me binging the whole bag. All 750 gosh dang calories. I'm glad it didn't but I told my SO to hide them from me. He didn't because he wants me to gain weight so I gotta give them away.
does anybody else wish you could just hibernate?
/u/notalizardwoman
Created: Thu May 10 23:26:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ildu6/does_anybody_else_wish_you_could_just_hibernate/
---
i got some cbd gummies from a friend once, slept for 14 hours. best sleep of my life
ever since I’ve just wanted to do that for like 3 days lol. Can’t eat if you’re asleep
Holy shit I'm so done
/u/notalizardwoman
Created: Thu May 10 23:00:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8il94m/holy_shit_im_so_done/
---
So I'm in high school, every day at lunch I sit with a group of friends, like 8 guys and 10ish girls
and my friends have started calling me out for not eating in front of EVERYBODY
they're like "CORA WHY are you ONLY eating an ORANGE? you DIDNT eat yesterday and ONLY HAD A GRANOLA BAR tuesday"
and like I guess they have good intentions \(im not gonna go into detail about how bitchy they've been to me in unrelated situations but it makes me skeptical of their intentions at least\)
but if they do think I have anorexia, do they really think that yelling at me for not eating in front of 18 people, including the guy I like, will help me?
every day my face turns so red and I just have to give them the standard "chill the fuck out I'm fine I already ate" monologue
god summer is in 3 weeks, i can make it
I feel like I ate too much today.
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Thu May 10 21:39:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ikthb/i_feel_like_i_ate_too_much_today/
---
So normally if I decide to eat it’s a small meal. Like a small bowl of rice (the bowls that you’d find in japan where you eat rice out of) or a muffin. I don’t eat much. I used to eat 500-800 calories, but now I avoid eating as much as I can. My boyfriend gets me to eat which I don’t want to do, but I feel like I have to.
Anyways. I feel like I ate too much. This morning I had a cup of noodles with Swiss Miss then later had a small smoothie. After that my boyfriend had me eat a small bowl(same size as earlier) of potatoes.
I just recently started losing weight after hitting a plateau. I don’t want to gain any weight.
How do you get rid of cellulite?
/u/watermeloonsooda
Created: Thu May 10 21:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ikrdo/how_do_you_get_rid_of_cellulite/
---
i’m finally starting to lose weight and i am starving myself and working out a lot but the cellulite on my butt doesn’t seem to go away and it’s driving me crazy since i’m seeing my SO in a month and he’s an ass person. what can i do to make it less noticeable or go away?
Boyfriend is starving himself to lose weight, and I'm worried about him but it's also so triggering for me
/u/davooly
Created: Thu May 10 21:08:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ikn5d/boyfriend_is_starving_himself_to_lose_weight_and/
---
He gained a lot of weight before we got together, however I also knew him when he was fit (he used to be a proper gym rat) He gained the weight due to severe alcoholism and absolutely hates himself for it. He thinks he's disgusting but I think he looks lovely how he is and I don't mind a bit of squish. I've never seen him topless and he doesn't let me touch his stomach or his love handles. He has depression and hates himself quite a lot :(
He's still an alcoholic but is drinking way less than he used to, and not drinking beer and wine anymore. He only drinks straight spirits, which still obviously has a high calorie content, so to offset this he decided just not to eat at all??? He does take vitamins though.
But he finds it so easy??? He says he has good self control with everything except alcohol and drugs, and i guess it's true. He doesn't seem to ever have any cravings for food and finds it easy to resist anything in front of him. I've personally witnessed him go three days without eating a single thing and he was totally unbothered by it....like howwwww.
I am worried he's developing an ED but he says he's fine and is just using this to lose fat quickly and is going to stop when he's a healthy weight or if he starts feeling ill. I'm not sure though because he loves watching the number on the scale drop. One week ago he finally decided to cut out alcohol which wasn't easy because of his withdrawals but now he's losing at a crazy pace and like I can't help but feel a little jealous??? He's lost 9lb this week and seemed to find it the easiest thing ever.
He has no idea i ever had a problem with disordered eating and i don't know if i'll tell him, but it just makes me want to starve myself too despite the fact that i'm a healthy weight and haven't restricted in years.
Not sure if this is just a rant or if i'm asking for advice but if anyone has tips on helping him without getting sucked into it myself that would be nice.
[Rant/Rave] promised my boyfriend i'd gain weight
/u/fluxoldrums
Created: Thu May 10 20:25:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ike5x/promised_my_boyfriend_id_gain_weight/
---
hello i've been lurking on this sub for a while. i've only been struggling with these behaviors for a few months but i've lost about 20 pounds in a couple months from restricting. i started off wanting to lose 5 pounds being 121 and i am now 102 (5'2) a lot of people around me know about everything i did to lose it but my boyfriend really really worries. i've been messing up a lot in our relationship n i don't want to hurt him anymore so i promised him i'd get back to 110 last night. i did really well today, i ate what i wanted and didn't count calories and didn't binge and i felt okay about it. i got home from work and undressed and i just feel so fat and ugly i can't handle it i wanna be 90 pounds and tiny and i know i could do it but i know i can't break another promise. i'll gain the weight for him but any tips on how to not hate myself once i do?
What innocent thing contributed to your ED/became an ED habit?
/u/krysalism
Created: Thu May 10 20:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ikbak/what_innocent_thing_contributed_to_your_edbecame/
---
I don't do this often, but sometimes I'll take my middle finger and thumb and wrap it around my wrist, usually my left. They barely overlap, just enough for my thumbnail to cover half of my middle finger nail.
Whenever I do this, I remember this one class I had in biology where we were comparing genetics so there were a bunch of different tests for things like how much oxygen our lungs can store or how much amylase we produce in our mouth. One of these workshops was testing to see the size of our bone structure. If your fingers barely meet/barely overlap, it means you're big-boned. If you can easily overlap your fingers to the point where the thumb covers the middle finger, you have a small bone structure. Both my lab mates had overlapping fingers. So now sometimes I'll still try the test, even though my body hasn't really changed much from then. Wishful thinking, maybe?
Did anyone else have an experience like this where something more or less unrelated to EDs became part of yours anyways?
[Discussion] fitbit
/u/fortunate-foolx
Created: Thu May 10 19:42:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ik4lr/fitbit/
---
just got a fitbit charge — did you guys notice that you became obsessive? bc i already am.
[Other] It is amazing how fast this will catch back up with you.
/u/MissLadyPerson
Created: Thu May 10 19:28:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ik1md/it_is_amazing_how_fast_this_will_catch_back_up/
---
Hey all! I don't know if this post is more of a rant about my personal circumstance or a warning for people who may be in this position now or in the future but I want to put it out there.
I was anorexic through all my teen years. From about 11 to 20. I've been recovered for like 4.5 years now.
But I recently gained weight totally unrelated to recovery and decided I wanted to lose it, just to get back to my recovery weight.
I decided I would try doing some of what I did before, but leave the "really bad stuff" out. Like, I wouldn't hurt myself if I went over my limit, wouldn't eat so little I passed out, wouldn't continue past my goal weight, wouldn't totally obsess over numbers, wouldn't let it control my emotions.
Well, it's been like 2.5 weeks. And guess what? Shockingly, you don't control your relapses! I've done every one of the things I promised I wouldn't do, except hurt myself or go beyond my goal weight (because I haven't even reached that yet, though I do sometimes find myself fantasizing about being way thinner).
I didn't really realize this until earlier today. I was at work and we have these little chocolate mints that are 25cal each and I hadn't eaten a single thing despite working a double. So I decided I wanted a mint. It took me two hours of deliberation to decide if I could allow myself to eat a fucking 25 calorie candy. And that's when it hit me: I used to be like that EVERY DAY. For nine years. And it was soooo bad and soooo miserable and I don't want that again but at the same time it's super important to me to be thin again and I don't really want to stop?
I just don't want this to be a slippery slope that leads to dark and terrible places. I want to get down to the healthy, happy weight I used to be. Then I want to maintain it. I don't want to end up at 95lbs and sick as fuck again. I don't want to lose my feminine shape or "assets" ha, I don't want to lose my husband... But I'm really obsessed with doing this thing as quick as possible and if I end up destroying my life over it I'm gonna feel like a dumbass.
[Tip] Just wanted to spread the word of my favorite safe foods ever from Costco. Only 200 cal in 16 of these wontons so whenever I feel binge-y I fry up a butt ton of these and add low sodium soy sauce and it fixes my binge urge. (Srry if shit post or not allowed)
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS
Created: Thu May 10 18:57:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ijumd/just_wanted_to_spread_the_word_of_my_favorite/
---
https://i.redd.it/mrw3h92qk4x01.jpg
My favourite shorts don't fit anymore
/u/BeautySmooch
Created: Thu May 10 18:46:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ijsbq/my_favourite_shorts_dont_fit_anymore/
---
I got them a couple of years ago when I was 15 and they're only a size 25. All the fat from my thighs and butt squishes out when I wear it now. I'm so devastated, but at least I know what my next goal is. I hope they'll be loose when summer comes.
[Rant/Rave] my brother just came home and i’m scared he’ll notice i avoid eating
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Thu May 10 18:46:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ijsbl/my_brother_just_came_home_and_im_scared_hell/
---
i guess this is a rant. usually my dad goes to pick up my mom from work and it takes them a little bit to get back home. on the days i have self control, i don’t eat and i tell them i did. on the days i don’t, i eat, purge, and tell them i ate.
but my brother isn’t going with my dad to pick up my mom. so he might notice that i say i eat but i don’t. we might start having family dinners more often now that he’s home.
i was excited for him to come home, but then i realized the consequences. he might just be oblivious or not care, but i’m anxious about it anyway.
[Goal] Fit into a 00 today!!
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Thu May 10 18:23:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ijmqg/fit_into_a_00_today/
---
It was at Madewell, which vanity sizes, but something about being able to fit into the smallest size the store carries felt amazing. Especially because I’ve been bingeing lately and have gained some weight. Little confidence boosts!
[Rant/Rave] DAE kind of appreciate depression? (A sad stupid relationship rant)
/u/turiansandtargaryens
Created: Thu May 10 17:56:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ijgex/dae_kind_of_appreciate_depression_a_sad_stupid/
---
So obviously this post is beyond fucked up, but that’s just the week I’ve been having, and I apologize if it upsets anyone.
My ldr boyfriend and I have been arguing almost every night this week, it’s been tough, but I’ve been trying to stay positive. This past weekend was great, we were close and happy and a team, he told me he wanted me to move in with him in August. Even though originally I suggested we wait until October, he insisted he couldn’t wait that long. I believed him, I trusted him, I agreed to it even though I’m such a control freak and it made me a little anxious.
Last night was awful. We fought more about how he was sad the night before and I couldn’t cheer him up the way he wanted me to. It wasn’t even the worst argument we had, neither of us was overly emotional, for a few seconds I even thought we were being constructive. And it ended with him telling me he had changed his mind about August, and when I asked about when it would happen, he told me he couldn’t give me a date.
Like, I don’t even have anger in me anymore. I’m just so depressed, I’m numb, it feels like a death. The relationship may not be over but that dynamic, where I trusted him and was optimistic and excitable has died. But on the bright side my appetite died with it. My relationship is a fucking disaster, but restricting has never been this easy.
I can't tell the difference between being sad and being hungry.
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Thu May 10 17:39:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ijcl1/i_cant_tell_the_difference_between_being_sad_and/
---
I used to eat when I was sad and now i'm sad when i'm hungry, i can't tell whether i'm craving food or craving someone else's care. It happens especially when I'm drunk, I can't tell whether it's my brain telling me that i'm hungry or if it's just the emotions
Trader Joe's, an ED Safe Haven: A Masterpost
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Thu May 10 17:35:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ijbld/trader_joes_an_ed_safe_haven_a_masterpost/
---
I thought I'd make a post about some of my favorite low-cal things from Trader Joe's. If you have one near you it is totally worth the trip, I have spent literal hours in there and it is one of the safest places to buy low-cal foods.
Here are some of my favorite things that have a low calorie-to-portion ratio!! There's a lot of good OMADs in here. Comment your favs down below, I'm looking for new low-cal ready-made stuff for the summer ☀️
**Breakfast:**
- Steel Cut Brown Sugar Oatmeal (150c per package)
- Nonfat Vanilla Greek Yogurt (120c for 1/2 cup)
- Cage Free Liquid Egg Whites (25c for 3 tbsp)
- Frozen Waffles (115c per waffle)
- Frozen Pumpkin Waffles (180c for 2 waffles)
- Pumpkin O's Cereal (110c for 1 cup)
**Lunch/Dinner:**
- Cauliflower Rice (50c per cup)
- Chili Lime Chicken Burger (150c per patty)
- Thai Sweet Chili Veggie Burger (150c per patty)
- Mahi Mahi Burger (110c per patty)
- Organic Salmon Burger (110c per patty)
- Chicken Burrito Bowl (370c for the whole bowl)
- Chicken Shu Mai (140c for 6 pieces with sauce!)
- Chicken Gyoza Potstickers (200c for 7 potstickers)
- Chicken Yakatori Skewer (80c per skewer)
- Chicken Soup Dumplings (250c for the whole box!)
- Hearty Minestrone Soup (110c for 1 cup)
- Frozen Meatless Meatballs (150c for 6 meatballs)
- Frozen Tilapia Fillets (110c for 1 fillet)
- Frozen Mushroom Risotto (150c for 1 cooked cup)
- Scallion Pancake aka pajeon (160c per pancake)
- Vegetarian Chili (190c for 1 cup)
- Eggplant Parmesan (270 for whole tray)
- Organic Baked Ziti (320c for whole container)
- Chicken Fajitas (210c for 1/3 of the package)
**Ready Made Salads:**
- Southwest Salad with Dressing (240c for whole container)
- Citrus Chicken Salad with Dressing (220c for whole container)
- Mexicali Salad with Dressing (380c for whole container)
- Smoked Salmon Salad with Dressing (240c for whole container)
- Lemon Chicken and Arugula Salad (300c for whole container)
- Honey Glazed Miso Salmon Salad (350c for whole container)
- Thai Chicken Citrus Salad (240c for whole container)
- Mediterranean Quinoa Salad (240c for whole container)
- Vietnamese Shrimp Vermicelli Salad (330c for whole container)
**Snacks:**
- Garlic Chipotle Salsa (5c for 2 tbsp)
- Mediterranean Hummus (70c for 2 tbsp)
- Cauliflower Tabbouleh (80c for 1/2 cup)
- Baked Lentil Chips (120c for 22 chips)
- Pretzel Slims (110c for 23 chips)
- Turkey Jerky (240c for the whole bag)
- Eggplant Hummus (35 c for 2 tbsp)
- Lite Mild Cheddar Cheese Stick (70c per stick)
**Sides:**
- Cauliflower Mash (50c for 1 cup)
- Organic Kabocha Squash (30c for 2/3 cup)
- Frozen Edamame (100c for 1/2 cup)
- Turkey Meatballs (100c for 2 meatballs)
- Mixed Frozen Peppers (100c for whole bag)
- Frozen Roasted Potatoes (93c for 1 cup)
- Frozen Riced Cauliflower (90c per container)
- Canned Dolmas (35c per dolma)
**Desserts:**
- Vanilla Meringue (22c per meringue)
- Pumpkin Butter (40c for 1 tbsp)
- Mango Sorbet (110c for 1/2 cup)
- Meyer Lemon Cookie Thins (130c for 9 cookies)
- Ginger Spice Cookies (14c each)
- Salted Caramel Coconut Cookies (45c each)
- Cinnamon Apple Snack Sticks (140c for 38 sticks)
- Iced Oatmeal Cookies (140c for 3 cookies)
**Sauces/Dressings:**
- Vodka Sauce (90c per 1/2 cup)
- Island Soyaki Sauce (25c per 1 tbsp)
- Bruschetta Sauce (20c for 2 tbsp)
- Cowboy Caviar (25 for 2 tbsp)
- Dijon Mustard (5c for 1 tbsp)
- Enchilada Sauce (30c for 1/4 cup)
Trader Joe's, an ED Safe Haven: A Masterpost
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Thu May 10 17:34:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ijb8m/trader_joes_an_ed_safe_haven_a_masterpost/
---
I thought I'd make a post about some of my favorite low-cal things from Trader Joe's. If you have one near you it is totally worth the trip, I have spent literal hours in there and it is one of the safest places to buy low-cal foods.
Here are some of my favorite things that have a low calorie-to-portion ratio!! There's a lot of good OMADs in here. Comment your favs down below, I'm looking for new low-cal ready-made stuff for the summer ☀️
__Breakfast:__
- Steel Cut Brown Sugar Oatmeal (150c per package)
- Nonfat Vanilla Greek Yogurt (120c for 1/2 cup)
- Cage Free Liquid Egg Whites (25c for 3 tbsp)
- Frozen Waffles (115c per waffle)
- Frozen Pumpkin Waffles (180c for 2 waffles)
- Pumpkin O's Cereal (110c for 1 cup)
__Lunch/Dinner:__
- Cauliflower Rice (50c per cup)
- Chili Lime Chicken Burger (150c per patty)
- Thai Sweet Chili Veggie Burger (150c per patty)
- Mahi Mahi Burger (110c per patty)
- Organic Salmon Burger (110c per patty)
- Chicken Burrito Bowl (370c for the whole bowl)
- Chicken Shu Mai (140c for 6 pieces with sauce!)
- Chicken Gyoza Potstickers (200c for 7 potstickers)
- Chicken Yakatori Skewer (80c per skewer)
- Chicken Soup Dumplings (250c for the whole box!)
- Hearty Minestrone Soup (110c for 1 cup)
- Frozen Meatless Meatballs (150c for 6 meatballs)
- Frozen Tilapia Fillets (110c for 1 fillet)
- Frozen Mushroom Risotto (150c for 1 cooked cup)
- Scallion Pancake aka pajeon (160c per pancake)
- Vegetarian Chili (190c for 1 cup)
- Eggplant Parmesan (270 for whole tray)
- Organic Baked Ziti (320c for whole container)
- Chicken Fajitas (210c for 1/3 of the package)
__Ready Made Salads:__
- Southwest Salad with Dressing (240c for whole container)
- Citrus Chicken Salad with Dressing (220c for whole container)
- Mexicali Salad with Dressing (380c for whole container)
- Smoked Salmon Salad with Dressing (240c for whole container)
- Lemon Chicken and Arugula Salad (300c for whole container)
- Honey Glazed Miso Salmon Salad (350c for whole container)
- Thai Chicken Citrus Salad (240c for whole container)
- Mediterranean Quinoa Salad (240c for whole container)
- Vietnamese Shrimp Vermicelli Salad (330c for whole container)
__Snacks:__
- Garlic Chipotle Salsa (5c for 2 tbsp)
- Mediterranean Hummus (70c for 2 tbsp)
- Cauliflower Tabbouleh (80c for 1/2 cup)
- Baked Lentil Chips (120c for 22 chips)
- Pretzel Slims (110c for 23 chips)
- Turkey Jerky (240c for the whole bag)
- Eggplant Hummus (35 c for 2 tbsp)
- Lite Mild Cheddar Cheese Stick (70c per stick)
__Sides:__
- Cauliflower Mash (50c for 1 cup)
- Organic Kabocha Squash (30c for 2/3 cup)
- Frozen Edamame (100c for 1/2 cup)
- Turkey Meatballs (100c for 2 meatballs)
- Mixed Frozen Peppers (100c for whole bag)
- Frozen Roasted Potatoes (93c for 1 cup)
- Frozen Riced Cauliflower (90c per container)
- Canned Dolmas (35c per dolma)
__Desserts:__
- Vanilla Meringue (22c per meringue)
- Pumpkin Butter (40c for 1 tbsp)
- Mango Sorbet (110c for 1/2 cup)
- Meyer Lemon Cookie Thins (130c for 9 cookies)
- Ginger Spice Cookies (14c each)
- Salted Caramel Coconut Cookies (45c each)
- Cinnamon Apple Snack Sticks (140c for 38 sticks)
- Iced Oatmeal Cookies (140c for 3 cookies)
__Sauces/Dressings:__
- Vodka Sauce (90c per 1/2 cup)
- Island Soyaki Sauce (25c per 1 tbsp)
- Bruschetta Sauce (20c for 2 tbsp)
- Cowboy Caviar (25 for 2 tbsp)
- Dijon Mustard (5c for 1 tbsp)
- Enchilada Sauce (30c for 1/4 cup)
Trader Joe's, an ED Paradise: A Masterlist
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Thu May 10 17:25:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ij972/trader_joes_an_ed_paradise_a_masterlist/
---
I thought I'd make a post about some of my favorite low-cal things from Trader Joe's. If you have one near you it is totally worth the trip, I have spent literal hours in there and it is one of the safest places to buy low-cal foods.
Here are some of my favorite things that have a low calorie-to-portion ratio!! There's a lot of good OMADs in here. Comment your favs down below, I'm looking for new low-cal ready-made stuff for the summer ☀️
**Breakfast:**
- Steel Cut Brown Sugar Oatmeal (150c per package)
- Nonfat Vanilla Greek Yogurt (120c for 1/2 cup)
- Cage Free Liquid Egg Whites (25c for 3 tbsp)
- Frozen Waffles (115c per waffle)
- Frozen Pumpkin Waffles (180c for 2 waffles)
- Pumpkin O's Cereal (110c for 1 cup)
**Lunch/Dinner:**
- Cauliflower Rice (50c per cup)
- Chili Lime Chicken Burger (150c per patty)
- Thai Sweet Chili Veggie Burger (150c per patty)
- Mahi Mahi Burger (110c per patty)
- Organic Salmon Burger (110c per patty)
- Chicken Burrito Bowl (370c for the whole bowl)
- Chicken Shu Mai (140c for 6 pieces with sauce!)
- Chicken Gyoza Potstickers (200c for 7 potstickers)
- Chicken Yakatori Skewer (80c per skewer)
- Chicken Soup Dumplings (250c for the whole box!)
- Hearty Minestrone Soup (110c for 1 cup)
- Frozen Meatless Meatballs (150c for 6 meatballs)
- Frozen Tilapia Fillets (110c for 1 fillet)
- Frozen Mushroom Risotto (150c for 1 cooked cup)
- Scallion Pancake aka pajeon (160c per pancake)
- Vegetarian Chili (190c for 1 cup)
- Eggplant Parmesan (270 for whole tray)
- Organic Baked Ziti (320c for whole container)
- Chicken Fajitas (210c for 1/3 of the package)
**Ready Made Salads:**
- Southwest Salad with Dressing (240c for whole container)
- Citrus Chicken Salad with Dressing (220c for whole container)
- Mexicali Salad with Dressing (380c for whole container)
- Smoked Salmon Salad with Dressing (240c for whole container)
- Lemon Chicken and Arugula Salad (300c for whole container)
- Honey Glazed Miso Salmon Salad (350c for whole container)
- Thai Chicken Citrus Salad (240c for whole container)
- Mediterranean Quinoa Salad (240c for whole container)
- Vietnamese Shrimp Vermicelli Salad (330c for whole container)
**Snacks:**
- Garlic Chipotle Salsa (5c for 2 tbsp)
- Mediterranean Hummus (70c for 2 tbsp)
- Cauliflower Tabbouleh (80c for 1/2 cup)
- Baked Lentil Chips (120c for 22 chips)
- Pretzel Slims (110c for 23 chips)
- Turkey Jerky (240c for the whole bag)
- Eggplant Hummus (35 c for 2 tbsp)
- Lite Mild Cheddar Cheese Stick (70c per stick)
**Sides:**
- Cauliflower Mash (50c for 1 cup)
- Organic Kabocha Squash (30c for 2/3 cup)
- Frozen Edamame (100c for 1/2 cup)
- Turkey Meatballs (100c for 2 meatballs)
- Mixed Frozen Peppers (100c for whole bag)
- Frozen Roasted Potatoes (93c for 1 cup)
- Frozen Riced Cauliflower (90c per container)
- Canned Dolmas (35c per dolma)
**Desserts:**
- Vanilla Meringue (22c per meringue)
- Pumpkin Butter (40c for 1 tbsp)
- Mango Sorbet (110c for 1/2 cup)
- Meyer Lemon Cookie Thins (130c for 9 cookies)
- Ginger Spice Cookies (14c each)
- Salted Caramel Coconut Cookies (45c each)
- Cinnamon Apple Snack Sticks (140c for 38 sticks)
- Iced Oatmeal Cookies (140c for 3 cookies)
**Sauces/Dressings:**
- Vodka Sauce (90c per 1/2 cup)
- Island Soyaki Sauce (25c per 1 tbsp)
- Bruschetta Sauce (20c for 2 tbsp)
- Cowboy Caviar (25 for 2 tbsp)
- Dijon Mustard (5c for 1 tbsp)
- Enchilada Sauce (30c for 1/4 cup)
[Discussion] Had another sucky day at my calorie goal. What do you guys do when this happens?
/u/peytonr2724
Created: Thu May 10 17:22:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ij8fx/had_another_sucky_day_at_my_calorie_goal_what_do/
---
So to make a long story short, I ate a damn lot today just across the board, and I’ve been doing soooo well lately at keeping to my calorie goal. Kinda freaking out about everything now, you know how it goes.
I was curious, what do you guys do when you have days like this? For instance, I’m going to limit myself to half my usual calories tomorrow. What are your methods of reversing the damage? I’m really interested to hear, and I think someone else might want to know a few more methods to have on their belt too!
Trader Joe's, an ED Paradise: A Masterpost
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Thu May 10 17:20:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ij85a/trader_joes_an_ed_paradise_a_masterpost/
---
I thought I'd make a post about some of my favorite low-cal things from Trader Joe's. If you have one near you it is totally worth the trip, I have spent hours in there and it is literally one of the safest places to buy low-cal foods.
Here are some of my favorite things that have a low calorie-to-portion ratio!! There's a lot of good OMADs in here. Comment your favs down below, I'm looking for new low-cal ready-made stuff for the summer ☀️
Breakfast:
* Steel Cut Brown Sugar Oatmeal (150c per package)
* Nonfat Vanilla Greek Yogurt (120c for 1/2 cup)
* Cage Free Liquid Egg Whites (25c for 3 tbsp)
* Frozen Waffles (115c per waffle)
* Frozen Pumpkin Waffles (180c for 2 waffles)
* Pumpkin O's Cereal (110c for 1 cup)
Lunch/Dinner:
* Cauliflower Rice (50c per cup)
* Chili Lime Chicken Burger (150c per patty)
* Thai Sweet Chili Veggie Burger (150c per patty)
* Mahi Mahi Burger (110c per patty)
* Organic Salmon Burger (110c per patty)
* Chicken Burrito Bowl (370c for the whole bowl)
* Chicken Shu Mai (140c for 6 pieces with sauce!)
* Chicken Gyoza Potstickers (200c for 7 potstickers)
* Chicken Yakatori Skewer (80c per skewer)
* Chicken Soup Dumplings (250c for the whole box!)
* Hearty Minestrone Soup (110c for 1 cup)
* Frozen Meatless Meatballs (150c for 6 meatballs)
* Frozen Tilapia Fillets (110c for 1 fillet)
* Frozen Mushroom Risotto (150c for 1 cooked cup)
* Scallion Pancake aka pajeon (160c per pancake)
* Vegetarian Chili (190c for 1 cup)
* Eggplant Parmesan (270 for whole tray)
* Organic Baked Ziti (320c for whole container)
* Chicken Fajitas (210c for 1/3 of the package)
Ready Made Salads:
* Southwest Salad with Dressing (240c for whole container)
* Citrus Chicken Salad with Dressing (220c for whole container)
* Mexicali Salad with Dressing (380c for whole container)
* Smoked Salmon Salad with Dressing (240c for whole container)
* Lemon Chicken and Arugula Salad (300c for whole container)
* Honey Glazed Miso Salmon Salad (350c for whole container)
* Thai Chicken Citrus Salad (240c for whole container)
* Mediterranean Quinoa Salad (240c for whole container)
* Vietnamese Shrimp Vermicelli Salad (330c for whole container)
Snacks:
* Garlic Chipotle Salsa (5c for 2 tbsp)
* Mediterranean Hummus (70c for 2 tbsp)
* Cauliflower Tabbouleh (80c for 1/2 cup)
* Baked Lentil Chips (120c for 22 chips)
* Pretzel Slims (110c for 23 chips)
* Turkey Jerky (240c for the whole bag)
* Eggplant Hummus (35 c for 2 tbsp)
* Lite Mild Cheddar Cheese Stick (70c per stick)
Sides:
* Cauliflower Mash (50c for 1 cup)
* Organic Kabocha Squash (30c for 2/3 cup)
* Frozen Edamame (100c for 1/2 cup)
* Turkey Meatballs (100c for 2 meatballs)
* Mixed Frozen Peppers (100c for whole bag)
* Frozen Roasted Potatoes (93c for 1 cup)
* Frozen Riced Cauliflower (90c per container)
* Canned Dolmas (35c per dolma)
Desserts:
* Vanilla Meringue (22c per meringue)
* Pumpkin Butter (40c for 1 tbsp)
* Mango Sorbet (110c for 1/2 cup)
* Meyer Lemon Cookie Thins (130c for 9 cookies)
* Ginger Spice Cookies (14c each)
* Salted Caramel Coconut Cookies (45c each)
* Cinnamon Apple Snack Sticks (140c for 38 sticks)
* Iced Oatmeal Cookies (140c for 3 cookies)
Sauces/Dressings:
* Vodka Sauce (90c per 1/2 cup)
* Island Soyaki Sauce (25c per 1 tbsp)
* Bruschetta Sauce (20c for 2 tbsp)
* Cowboy Caviar (25 for 2 tbsp)
* Dijon Mustard (5c for 1 tbsp)
* Enchilada Sauce (30c for 1/4 cup)
Forced myself to sign up for an ED treatment clinic
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Thu May 10 17:15:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ij6w8/forced_myself_to_sign_up_for_an_ed_treatment/
---
And I'm freakin nervous yet proud. I'm definitely not in the recovery head space but I've been really concerned about my physical health and I guess I just wanted a professional to keep tabs on me? Idk. Its a voluntary program and the doctor explicitely said I can leave anytime and nothing will be forced on me. Today was my first ED related physical and the team was so kind. They took my stats, vitals, did a full body check up, asked me a bunch of questions, reassured me that its okay that I'm not fully ready to recover and that its great I reached out. I'll be going for blood work and EKG appointments every week to make sure everythings OK and I'm honestly so relieved. The doctor even said I need to treat the underlying psychological issues behind my ED before I can even begin addressing my eating so I'll be seeing a mental health team who specialize in this asap! I'm so relieved guys, for the longest time I thought treatment was terrible and forced. I hope something good comes out of this :)
Trader Joe's, an ED Paradise: A Masterpost
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Thu May 10 17:15:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ij6tf/trader_joes_an_ed_paradise_a_masterpost/
---
I thought I'd make a post about some of my favorite low-cal things from Trader Joe's. If you have one near you it is *totally* worth the trip, I have spent hours in there and it is literally one of the safest places to buy low-cal foods.
Here are some of my favorite things that have a low calorie-to-portion ratio!! There's a lot of good OMADs in here. Comment your favs down below, I'm looking for new low-cal ready-made stuff for the summer ☀️
**Breakfast:**
* Steel Cut Brown Sugar Oatmeal *(150c per package)*
* Nonfat Vanilla Greek Yogurt *(120c for 1/2 cup)*
* Cage Free Liquid Egg Whites *(25c for 3 tbsp)*
* Frozen Waffles *(115c per waffle)*
* Frozen Pumpkin Waffles *(180c for 2 waffles)*
* Pumpkin O's Cereal *(110c for 1 cup)*
**Lunch/Dinner:**
* Cauliflower Rice *(50c per cup)*
* Chili Lime Chicken Burger *(150c per patty)*
* Thai Sweet Chili Veggie Burger *(150c per patty)*
* Mahi Mahi Burger *(110c per patty)*
* Organic Salmon Burger *(110c per patty)*
* Chicken Burrito Bowl *(370c for the whole bowl)*
* Chicken Shu Mai *(140c for 6 pieces with sauce!)*
* Chicken Gyoza Potstickers *(200c for 7 potstickers)*
* Chicken Yakatori Skewer *(80c per skewer)*
* Chicken Soup Dumplings *(250c for the whole box!)*
* Hearty Minestrone Soup *(110c for 1 cup)*
* Frozen Meatless Meatballs *(150c for 6 meatballs)*
* Frozen Tilapia Fillets *(110c for 1 fillet)*
* Frozen Mushroom Risotto *(150c for 1 cooked cup)*
* Scallion Pancake aka pajeon *(160c per pancake)*
* Vegetarian Chili *(190c for 1 cup)*
* Eggplant Parmesan *(270 for whole tray)*
* Organic Baked Ziti *(320c for whole container)*
* Chicken Fajitas *(210c for 1/3 of the package)*
**Ready Made Salads:**
* Southwest Salad with Dressing *(240c for whole container)*
* Citrus Chicken Salad with Dressing *(220c for whole container)*
* Mexicali Salad with Dressing *(380c for whole container)*
* Smoked Salmon Salad with Dressing *(240c for whole container)*
* Lemon Chicken and Arugula Salad *(300c for whole container)*
* Honey Glazed Miso Salmon Salad *(350c for whole container)*
* Thai Chicken Citrus Salad *(240c for whole container)*
* Mediterranean Quinoa Salad *(240c for whole container)*
* Vietnamese Shrimp Vermicelli Salad *(330c for whole container)*
**Snacks:**
* Garlic Chipotle Salsa *(5c for 2 tbsp)*
* Mediterranean Hummus *(70c for 2 tbsp)*
* Cauliflower Tabbouleh *(80c for 1/2 cup)*
* Baked Lentil Chips *(120c for 22 chips)*
* Pretzel Slims *(110c for 23 chips)*
* Turkey Jerky *(240c for the whole bag)*
* Eggplant Hummus *(35 c for 2 tbsp)*
* Lite Mild Cheddar Cheese Stick *(70c per stick)*
**Sides:**
* Cauliflower Mash *(50c for 1 cup)*
* Organic Kabocha Squash *(30c for 2/3 cup)*
* Frozen Edamame *(100c for 1/2 cup)*
* Turkey Meatballs *(100c for 2 meatballs)*
* Mixed Frozen Peppers *(100c for whole bag)*
* Frozen Roasted Potatoes *(93c for 1 cup)*
* Frozen Riced Cauliflower *(90c per container)*
* Canned Dolmas *(35c per dolma)*
**Desserts:**
* Vanilla Meringue *(22c per meringue)*
* Pumpkin Butter *(40c for 1 tbsp)*
* Mango Sorbet *(110c for 1/2 cup)*
* Meyer Lemon Cookie Thins *(130c for 9 cookies)*
* Ginger Spice Cookies *(14c each)*
* Salted Caramel Coconut Cookies *(45c each)*
* Cinnamon Apple Snack Sticks *(140c for 38 sticks)*
* Iced Oatmeal Cookies *(140c for 3 cookies)*
**Sauces/Dressings:**
* Vodka Sauce *(90c per 1/2 cup)*
* Island Soyaki Sauce *(25c per 1 tbsp)*
* Bruschetta Sauce *(20c for 2 tbsp)*
* Cowboy Caviar *(25 for 2 tbsp)*
* Dijon Mustard *(5c for 1 tbsp)*
* Enchilada Sauce *(30c for 1/4 cup)*
[Rant/Rave] Fuck cheese
/u/FoodIsForDORKS
Created: Thu May 10 16:55:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ij1to/fuck_cheese/
---
Ok someone please tell me if I’m being annoying af. I’ve posted like 3 times today lol. I got sum new caffeine pills so I’ve been chatty af and can’t talk to anyone else about this stuff.
Anyways I’ve had SO MUCH CHEESE today. Not a binge, but like...enough for today to be a maintenance day. And I’m really trying to hustle and lose some weight for an event at the end of the month. I literally just want to lose 5 pounds and I’d be happy(ish) cuz I’ll be in the 120s again. 129 doesn’t count cuz fluctuation but 125 is like “yo I’m really in this bitch”.
So yeah the cheese...my roommate keeps buying a shitload of cheddar cheese. There are like 4 fucking blocks of cheddar cheese in the fridge rn. I fucked up my breakfast (10 triscuits and a can of tuna w/ mustard) by adding an ounce of cheese to it. Just now I had another 2oz and I threw some garlic salt on there because I’m a disaster (it was delicious).
I WASNT SUPPOSED TO EAT ANYMORE TODAY.
I’m going to get fat because of my roommate’s cheese. Why does he buy so much cheese. How is he not fat. I’m not even supposed to eat cheese bc I’m lactose intolerant. There are so many things wrong with today what the heck.
I want more cheese. I wish cheese had no calories like pickles do. I’m gonna go see if there’s some pickles.
[Discussion] grimes
/u/isforthewayyoulook
Created: Thu May 10 16:53:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ij1b5/grimes/
---
Does else feel like bitching about how thin Grimes is? She looks like a kid in the best possible way. 😭
But it also makes me feel like I definitely couldn’t have a problem—she’s thinner than I am and successful AF so losing more weight is just like going after life goals or something ??
I'm spiraling out of control.
/u/HopefulWasabi
Created: Thu May 10 16:52:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ij12y/im_spiraling_out_of_control/
---
Five days ago I was doing fine, I was working out 1-2x a day and eating decent # of calories with restriction, minimal guilt and feeling pretty good about the way my body looked.
Then my husband and I cooked a big meal, and I b/p'd. And my husband found out, he heard me through the noise and picked open my bathroom lock. Since then I've been a fucking mess, he caught me in a purge again because of the noises and I feel hyper-paranoid he'll find out soon about my ED. So I've been stuck in this weird ass limbo where I'll binge as if I can purge but I'm too paranoid to purge, and the build up of sodium or something causes my entire body/face to swell up. This is also giving me extreme anxiety. I've even reverted back to snacking at work, and I can feel the pounds creeping back.
I reached an all-time low today where I snacked at work to get rid of the anxiety of home/my body, got anxious about the snacks I ate, then went out during lunch to binge and purged at work. So now I'm sitting at work, pretending everything is normal, while my clothes feel tight as fuck, my face is puffy like a chipmunk, and my mind is paranoid about anyone finding out. But I also feel relieved (?) and happy that I was able to purge?
Now that I can't purge at home anymore, what can I do? What do you do when you can feel your weight creeping back but can't use your coping mechanisms anymore?? Please help.
I passed out and hit my head last night, and I'm absolutely devastated
/u/JayLenoBlows
Created: Thu May 10 15:58:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iinog/i_passed_out_and_hit_my_head_last_night_and_im/
---
I've been lying to myself about being able to control my eating disorder. I told myself I've been eating enough when it's obviously not the case, and I'm back to passing out again. When I got out of the hospital in December I told myself I'm on the straight and narrow now, that this can't keep happening. But it did, and I am out of control. It's controlling me. I've been crying the whole morning, and I feel that I have no one to talk to. Fuck
[Rant/Rave] I guess I'm not meant to recover
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Thu May 10 15:48:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iilb0/i_guess_im_not_meant_to_recover/
---
I was planning on eating normally today, excited to fix my eating but my grandpa told me I was skinny as a thermometer and my cousin said I'm the same size as her in sixth grade.
I can't eat. I tried, I honestly did. I felt horrible.
[Help] Laxative harm reduction?
/u/FoodIsForDORKS
Created: Thu May 10 15:39:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iiiv5/laxative_harm_reduction/
---
I don’t want to throw up (my teeth do NOT have enough enamel...maybe I’m paranoid but they don’t look right up close to me. And I think it’s from purging) ...but I want to get the yuckies out of me sometimes.
I’ve never taken laxatives. But I’ve been obsessed with trying it.
Would those fiber one bars do anything? Like, do they empty you out? If I ate 2? Or would that be counterproductive cuz they’re like 90 calories? Coffee? Laxative teas??? There has to be an option that’s safe :(
I’m trying to be good y’all but ugggGHHHH.
Losing weight due to being sick
/u/gaysnail
Created: Thu May 10 15:38:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iiimw/losing_weight_due_to_being_sick/
---
When you're sick and you end up having to go to the ER and you're told you might die but you lose five pounds in a day :-)
Being (physically) sick sucks but not wanting to eat for days and easy weight loss is amazing.
Also this is a rant at this point but I hate being mentally healthy for a long time, then having a traumatic experience and reliving all the fucked up shit I've gone through recently. I felt like I've been overdue for a lot of mental trauma because things seemed to be going great for a while.
[rant]I wish I enjoyed working out
/u/thelonelykitten_
Created: Thu May 10 15:31:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iiguj/ranti_wish_i_enjoyed_working_out/
---
I go to the gym everyday and usually do a spin class or something and like, there are people that genuinely *enjoy* being there, and I’m really jealous cause the only reason I’m there is cause I hate myself and want to punish myself. I don’t really remember the last time I did something for fun and not for the sole purpose of trying to control my body?????
Extreme guilt wasting food others purchase for me
/u/sskkyyy
Created: Thu May 10 15:16:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iicy9/extreme_guilt_wasting_food_others_purchase_for_me/
---
My manager brought up that she wanted ice cream today at work and asked a coworker and I if we wanted anything before she went. I politely declined, making a joke about too many calories (I make these jokes so often that I don’t think they suspect I have an ED) but followed up with not wanting a sore stomach afterward. She came back with 3 bowls of ice cream in her hands and I felt immediate dread and panicky. We work in a small store with a very small lunchroom and I’m pretty much constantly watched or seen while eating. I took one bite and scooped some into the garbage and covered it with tissues. I left it on the counter so it would melt but so that they would see that I had “eaten” some and then threw the rest out half an hour later.
I feel extremely guilty and have for the past few hours since it happened. I feel like I wasted her money when she has kids she could have spent that money on that I just threw away like it was no big deal. I can’t stop thinking about it. Anyone else feel guilt to this extent?
[Rant/Rave] My body
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Thu May 10 15:16:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iicvw/my_body/
---
So I've decided to get out of this relapse and so far I'm doing well. I has lunch as Olive Garden with my mom for mother's day and now I'm trying to decide if I'm eating dinner or not. I was trying on swim tops earlier today and felt disgusted with my body. That seems to be something I can't get over. The places I'm most insecure about are my stomach, and back on my upper body. I wish I was comfortable with myself but I'm not. Idk if I ever will. This is one of the reasons ed keeps coming back. Idk how to tackle it.
[Tip] French braids for working out with layered hair
/u/PhoneWalletSanity
Created: Thu May 10 15:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ii9rv/french_braids_for_working_out_with_layered_hair/
---
I personally love my hair in short layered bob that I let grow out for a year. Unfortunately, all the layers make it really hard to get everything out of the way when I'm working out because ponytails and buns don't catch everything.
However, french braids are designed to catch everything and keep it secure so I can do my pole spins and see at the same time. Plus they look super cute.
Outpatient or residential?
/u/quietpandaa
Created: Thu May 10 14:48:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ii5im/outpatient_or_residential/
---
Cross post from /r/exproed because I'm panicking and I really need a shoulder to lean on. After a hard relapse this semester, I'm at a physical and mental point where I really need recovery.
I spent last summer in residential, and then went back to college where I had a pretty recovery-oriented fall semester. I wasn't 100% recovered by any means, but I was making better choices and happier than I'd been my entire freshman year before treatment.
Then shit happened and I relapsed hard over spring semester. I won't go into details since I don't want to be triggering, but I'm in a worse physical and mental space than I was last summer. My parents were really upset about it when I got home this week. They gave me two options: either commit 100% to the weight gain meal plan my outpatient dietitian just gave me and see my therapist twice a week, or call the residential treatment center I was at last year.
I have no idea what to do. Since yesterday I've eaten more, and I'm at about 50-75% of the weight gain meal plan I'm supposed to be following. I feel so incredibly guilty, full, and anxious about it. My dietitian and therapist both say I can manage outpatient if I really try hard, but that residential is an option as well if I can't do it myself.
If I stay outpatient, I'll be able to work at a doctor's office (I'm hoping to go to medical school) and do a pharmaceutical internship a few days a week. I just don't know if I can deal with this crippling guilt of eating.
Also, I won't be able to do an intake or start residential until at least next week, and I feel like if I try to follow my meal plan before then I'm going to gain a ton of weight and the center won't take me seriously. I already feel like a fraud. I'll talk to my therapist about everything as soon as I can, but because my luck is terrible, she's away on vacation for the rest of the week.
Please help me.
girl in my class who gained and looks pretty much the same...
/u/ri-ri
Created: Thu May 10 14:22:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ihyf1/girl_in_my_class_who_gained_and_looks_pretty_much/
---
Hey loves,
So there is this girl who I know from school and I had a class with her a year ago. She was painfully thin, her legs were just so skinny and I remember asking myself whether or not she had an ED.
Now, after a year she's in my class again and I can see she's gained a little weight but she looks good. Like, she looks the same basically but just a little more weight around her legs/arms. Honestly I probably wouldn't have noticed much of a difference if I wasn't really overly comparing myself to her previously...
I am just writing this because I know from personal experience that when I gain a few lbs I feel HUGE and like the world is noticing - but honestly I feel like seeing her and how she looks now that its really not that big of a deal... sorry if this post comes off weird but I feel better knowing that it isn't a huge deal? she's just going on in life and gained a few lbs and so what? she looks great, and she has a BF and they're so cute.
Trader Joe’s appreciation post
/u/Poopoodemons
Created: Thu May 10 13:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ihqb3/trader_joes_appreciation_post/
---
My new holy grail work lunch is 1 cup of the riced cauliflower stir fry, (50 cal) 1 broccoli cauliflower veggie patty (50 cal), smoked paprika, Tabasco sauce and a sprinkle of vegan cheese (~25 cal). I just put it all in a Tupperware frozen and cook it in the microwave so I don’t need to add oil. The patty is a very soft eggy consistency so I just mush it all together and it’s delicious. The whole thing is only around 125 cal I honestly cannot believe it. Anyone else in love with Trader Joe’s?
[Discussion] DAE not subtract calories burned or purged?
/u/mypure
Created: Thu May 10 13:50:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ihpmn/dae_not_subtract_calories_burned_or_purged/
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I could have a vigorous workout session lasting hours, I could purge immediately after a meal, but I still don’t subtract the calories.
[Help] Messed up last night ~words we have all said~
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Thu May 10 13:47:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ihouh/messed_up_last_night_words_we_have_all_said/
---
*this is a really long ramble but it would mean so much to me to get some feedback on my thoughts, thanks in advance to anyone who reads*
I had gone five days without eating anything, the only thing I consumed calorie wise was alcohol. Then my bf invited me out to dinner with his grandma and I knew he would be hurt if I declined (bc he knew I hadn’t been eating) so I told myself I could be normal and have one meal. I did and everything was fine and it didn’t turn into a binge. But then yesterday happened and since I had eaten yesterday I wasn’t feeling as good about myself and so I was basically fighting a binge allllll day.
I told myself I could have 680 cals of beer and that I was allowing myself that I wouldn’t be able to eat. But then I got drunk and had to deal with some upsetting shit and all I wanted to do was eat. I wasn’t even that hungry I just wanted to eat, which I’m sure you all get. The worst part is I told my bf soooo much about my ed last night. Like how I hadn’t eaten for 5 days and how I wanted food and even asked him if he could tell I had gained weight bc I stopped weighing myself- which I feel like is a stupid fucking thing to ask someone in a normal relationship, so of course he isn’t going to tell me the truth knowing I have an ed. I’ve always told him bits and pieces but last night I told him how the happiest I have felt in months (he knows I’ve been depressed) is when I hadn’t eaten in almost a week- like how fucked is that? I can’t even imagine what a normal person would think hearing that. I’m just so embarrassed that I told him so much. I know he wants to know and wants to help but fuck I hate how much I put on him. I just want to starve and keep this shit to myself.
But it gets worse. I told him I wanted Panda Express and Krispy Kreme and asked him if it would be ok for me to eat those things?? And of course he had to say yes. So he took me to get a dozen donuts and chinese food. Which I ate (he shared it w me so that makes it a lil better- a two entree plate and two donuts shared by two people isn’t horrible right??) and then since I knew I would have to go back to fasting today I also had a bowl of ice cream and a bagel. Is that considered a binge?? Coupled with the ~800 beer cals I had earlier??
This is so rambly but I need to get all my thoughts out and I would really appreciate some encouraging words. My goal was to not binge at all this month (the 3rd was my last binge) and restrict as much as possible and then weigh myself June 1st bc I haven’t weighed since March 17th. I also told myself I could get my boobs tattooed when I get back to my low weight of 104 (I was 107 in March but have been bingeing a lot since then with fasting occasionally).
I’m sad that I fucked up last night but also at this point I accept that that is going to happen occasionally. Even the smallest of us do it and if I don’t do it again I’ll feel fine in a couple days. So today I’m starting fresh and resuming restricting. I’ll just feel crappy until I feel light again.
The good news is I haven’t been able to work out in a week so hopefully today I can atleast get a really good run in!! Also despite all my embarrassment I am truly happy I have someone who is here for me and sticks around despite all my difficulties.
Thank you whoever read all of this!!
[Help] Not breaking your fast during ramadan
/u/mechantecerise
Created: Thu May 10 13:25:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ihiuc/not_breaking_your_fast_during_ramadan/
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Hello to all the muslims in this thread. Ramadan is coming up and I wanted to know if it is considered haram to not break your fast and just fast the whole month non-stop? Since somehow I have a lot more willpower to fast and actually follow through during Ramadan and I had hoped that I could "use Ramadan as an excuse" to get back into fasting with big progress after b/p and maintaining for 3 months straight...
Or do you guys maybe have some tips on how to avoid those 3-course meals that all muslim parents seem to whip up and expect you to eat? My goal is to at least stay in ketosis so that I'll actually burn fat during the day but that seems nearly impossible with all those carb-filled meals.
Also, I know that at this point it becomes a question if I fast for Allah or for my ED but that's to be discussed on another day. ;)
I want to know why people look at me
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Thu May 10 12:56:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ihay4/i_want_to_know_why_people_look_at_me/
---
It’s always been such a frustration. I get stared/looked at a lot and I know it’s not just in my head because people have confirmed it.
Am I monstrously ugly? Am I pretty? Unusual? Is it my clothing and dress sense? Does my hair look shit? Do I look painfully thin? Is my body shape weird? What is going on??!
I can’t wait for tech that we can insert into our brains and read the thoughts of passers-by.
A panic attack in Psychology Class
/u/sad_skelly
Created: Thu May 10 12:14:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8igz27/a_panic_attack_in_psychology_class/
---
Oh my god guys. Today was a special kind of hell and it's making me feel like such a pussy so I decided to rant about it here.
I was in Psychology Class and my teacher was talking about the kind of questions that could come up in our exam, and she mentioned the term "Anorexia Nervosa" and started discussing it in class.
And guys. I had a panic attack. A full blown panic attack. As soon as I heard the full term, and the description, my heartbeat was a boom in my ears, I started sweating profusely, felt like throwing up and couldn't breathe, and I started silently crying in class. I sure hope most people didn't notice but I think my teacher did.
And then the teacher said that it's caused by the media and the media presenting models and it made me so triggered and I wanted to shout out THAT'S NOT TRUE but obviously I couldn't.
It made me feel like a pussy because I felt weak for having a panic attack just for being made to face the medical side of my disorder....
But it made me feel so outed to hear a stranger describe behaviours I do in secret to a classroom full of people. My teacher was like "I think you've heard sometime about Anorexia Nervosa" and (in my mind) I was like oh I heard of it alright.
I live it.
Im pretty fucked and need advice from people who understand :/
/u/-sadgarden
Created: Thu May 10 11:53:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8igt3c/im_pretty_fucked_and_need_advice_from_people_who/
---
First off hello, first time posting on this account but ive been lurking this sub for a while.
im 20, male, my bmi is about 20-21 and ive been struggling with binge and fasting cycles for about a year.
im currently inpatient for other issues(primaly depression) and have been making a bit of progress with that.
sounds fine to this point right? now if it just wouldnt be for my (self-diagnosed) ED :|
since this hospital isnt specialized for eds the staff here is absolutely clueless on that topic and im pretty sure i havent met another patient with similar problems here.
so right now i just need someone who understands.
i dont want to seek treatment for any eating problems yet since im not underweight and also only been have been having them for a (relatively) short time period. also, like previously stated: im here to work on other issues.
all this means that i shouldnt be focused on my weight right now, especially since for me this behaviour is like a blanket. something that covers all my other problems so that i dont need to deal with them.
meaning i would have to eat whatever i want so that i can work on other stuff.
and heres the problem, i have no concept of a healthy amount anymore and not caring about food always leads to me gaining.
ive already gained like 2 to 3 kg since ive tried to stop caring and i literally cant afford to get any fatter.
i feel like my only options right now are either gaining or totally relapsing into negative behaviours.
and obviously both dont sound too great...
ive had a really bad binge during lunch today, which i purged (something that i wanred to only do in emergencies).
then at dinner i binged again and barely resisted to purge.
and now im sitting on my bed and all i want to do today is to keep doing b/p and then fast tomorrow.
its a horible idea but i dont know how else to stay sane without falling back on even worse things like selfharm..
so to sumarize my questing: what the fuck do i do?
i already tried to convince myself to postpone losing until im outside again, but to my sick brain maintainance is as bad as gaining.
and it also doesnt help that restricting while inpatient is much easier than outside
tldr: currently inpatient for depression, cant afford to focus on my ed right now, but also cant go without it. need help :/
ps: sorry for any mistakes, rambling and bad formating (on mobile rn)
How much does weight affect IV sedation?
/u/finnkat
Created: Thu May 10 11:11:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ighi1/how_much_does_weight_affect_iv_sedation/
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I'm getting my wisdom teeth out in a couple weeks and they're going to put me under via IV. On the paperwork I filled out today I put I was 100lbs rather than 90 because my mom was watching me fill it out (and I was also told I probably wouldn't be put under) but I don't want anything to go super wrong. Does 10lbs make a huge difference or does it not matter that much?
I had an emotional breakdown over another girls body.
/u/skydiver89
Created: Thu May 10 10:57:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8igg5w/i_had_an_emotional_breakdown_over_another_girls/
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This girl was (she actually is moving away today) part of our skydiving club and getting her license so she could jump alone. The first time I saw her was almost a year ago and just thought she had really pretty blue eyes that popped out and her skin was flawless.
Now this spring, she's jumping again and close to getting her license. She and I become friends. I had lost about 30 lbs since July and still hate my body, but everyone says it looks good. But this girls body...FUCK. It's like the perfect body that I want for myself. She jumps and gets her student license and she said she is leaving and will be back to visit in a few months. We trade numbers and she asks me to take a picture of us. I took a selfie of us two. She had her cheek pressed up against mine, mouth open, fucking gorgeous blue eyes...I posted it to Snapchat, because I am a dumbass.
My ex, who I've been cool with for about a year, commented on the photo and said she was pretty. He knows I'm fucking insecure about my body. So I send him a text saying, "hey I'm really insecure about her...so yeah..." Like dude, stop saying stuff about her, ya know? He fucking texts back and says, "Yeah. She's really really beautiful, but hey, you just do you :D" wtf?!?!?! Do me? Wtf does that even fucking mean?
I just burst into tears. It's night time by now and I'm texting my best friend telling her about all that has happened and she knows everyone, except for my ex. We have a 20 minute phone conversation about looks and our ed's being assholes. and our ex's. She keeps telling me I'm this beautiful person on the inside and the kindest person she has ever met and I just collapse onto the grass because my ED is yelling at me that it will never be enough.
Eventually I calm myself down. My friends see that I was crying and ask me what is wrong. I tell them what my ex did (left out the pretty girl part) and my one friend decides to snapchat a video of her saying, "FUCK YOU!If you don't think skydiver89 is the most beautiful and sexiest girl in the world, you can go fuck yourself!" And then we blocked him. I have the best friends...
but I keep looking at my friends picture. She's everything I want to be. The sad part is I probably could look like her if I went to the gym and had a better diet, but instead, I'm deeply depressed and have no motivation for the gym.
I want to turn heads. I want guys to think I'm flawless. I want girls to be jealous...but it will never happen. I'm really not that pretty bone structure face wise anyways.
Thanks for reading...I needed to get this all out.
Has anyone been to an ED support group?
/u/yousureaboutt
Created: Thu May 10 10:39:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8igayj/has_anyone_been_to_an_ed_support_group/
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A doctor referred me to a binge eating support group, so I am interested in hearing your experience with this format in general. It is quite a commute for me.
I have read "Brain Over Binge" and I would say that applying the lessons from the book helped me, like 85%. I have come a long way but still struggle with binging and fasting/restricting; however it does not impede my normal day-to-day life as terribly as before (most days anyways). So I am thinking maybe I will learn something more from the group. Or perhaps having to answer to someone will make me more likely to eat responsibly.
[Discussion] Exercise Calorie Estimates
/u/takayl
Created: Thu May 10 09:57:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ifz48/exercise_calorie_estimates/
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How do y’all estimate your exercise calories? I used to not really worry about this but now that I’m trying to restrict more and I’m exercising two hours a day (usually like 1.5 hours elliptical, 1/2 hour stationary bike or running) and I’m feeling SO weak but I’m scared to try to eat more because I don’t know how many I’m burning :( have you guys found the calorie counts on machines or MFP or any fitness trackers to be accurate? What do you do?
What do you do to talk yourself out of a binge?
/u/Koko1318
Created: Thu May 10 09:16:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ifnu6/what_do_you_do_to_talk_yourself_out_of_a_binge/
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I’ve been lurking for awhile but never posted before....
I’m 13 days in without a binge right now which is the longest I’ve gone in over a year. Today I’m feeling my self control dwindling..... it’s only 11am and so far I’ve had to talk myself out of it 4 times already. I started browsing through summer clothing and bathing suits online and that has provided, what I can only assume will be a temporary fix.
So what do you do in attempt to stop it?
Too much fiber?
/u/dotprinceton
Created: Thu May 10 08:57:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ifihj/too_much_fiber/
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I think my bloating and general constipation might stem from *too much* fiber in my diet \(as well as restriction, obviously\). I eat a ton of vegetables and fruit in any given day \(vegan eating mostly unprocessed\) and think maybe I'm overdoing it on the fiber.
Anyone have a similar experience? Any ways to counteract it? I want to keep eating healthy stuff...I drink a lot of water throughout the day and eat prunes occasionally, but haven't tried anything else.
[Help] How the fuck do I eat this HELP
/u/FoodIsForDORKS
Created: Thu May 10 08:43:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ifegt/how_the_fuck_do_i_eat_this_help/
---
I have been dying for triscuits, cheddar cheese, and tuna with mustard for about...6 hours. Cheddar is 110cal an ounce, triscuits are 120cal for 6, and a can of tuna is 80cals...mustard is like nothing.
But idk how to portion it and I want to scream. 310 calories for one serving of each thing? Or should I only get like 3 crackers, put the cheese on that, then eat the tuna out of a bowl like an animal? But I want tuna on crackers :( And I want cheese on crackers. But I don’t want tuna and cheese on crackers.
Maybe a mini binge...600 cals. That’s what a normal person could eat for a big meal. Maybe that for breakfast, broth for lunch, and then cheese/tuna/crackers again for dinner?
I feel like I’m gonna eat a box of donuts instead. Rip the bandaid off. Go hard.
And here I was posting about fasting a few hours ago. Not today hoe.
Aaaaaaaaa^aaaa
[Discussion] At what point, if any, do you think you have an obligation to tell another person about your disordered eating?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Thu May 10 08:40:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ifdnt/at_what_point_if_any_do_you_think_you_have_an/
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So, my specific circumstances are that I used to have an ED, recovered for 2-3 years, weighed myself after not having weighed myself for the entire duration of being recovered, and I was at my highest recorded weight. Myself and my friend said that we were essentially gonna become weight-loss buddies, because I had every intention of doing things healthily this time. I relapsed, and ended up losing 32lbs in 9 weeks because of it. My friend doesn’t know that I relapsed, and is frustrated with how slow her progress is, likely partially because it’s not as fast as mine - but she’s *actually* doing things healthily. I’m wondering whether I have an obligation to tell her that I’ve relapsed, because I’m worried that she’s going to become more self-critical over the fact that she’s not losing weight at an unhealthy rate/thinks the speed at which I’ve lost weight is healthy and achievable. On the other hand, I’m worried that if I tell her I’ve relapsed she’ll look to more disordered behaviours as a solution because it’s ‘worked’ for me.
More generally, I’m wondering whether people ever have an obligation to tell others that they have disordered eating, essentially for the reasons above. Like, whether IG model-types should disclose that they have an ED if a large part of the reason they’re followed is because of their body type and people seeing them as ‘goals’. Or people asking disordered people how they’ve lost weight because they also want to lose weight.
What are people’s thoughts on this?
(I really don’t like the idea of telling people. I remember prior to my recovery I think there was a part of me that did want attention for my ED, like, I wanted people to notice that I hadn’t eaten in x amount of days and be concerned about me and things like that. Now I’m more ashamed of my ED than anything, and I really do not want people to notice. I’m not sure what’s responsible for that change)
I feel guilty for telling my boyfriend about my ED
/u/ummjennyweregonnadie
Created: Thu May 10 08:24:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8if9da/i_feel_guilty_for_telling_my_boyfriend_about_my_ed/
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It's been almost a year since I've told him I'm bulimic and he's been really supportive, but sometimes he just doesn't understand and he feels helpless.
I trust him completely and he's the first person I've told about my ED (since then i also told my best friend and my brother), but i really only talk to him about it. And he just doesn't know how to approach the situation. He is really scared of triggering me, so he is usually just telling me I'm pretty and attractive just the way i am, but if I want to do something about my weight, he'll support me. He also insists i go see a therapist, but I really don't want to go. I want to battle this on my own. I'm too ashamed of my condition to go.
Yet I feel so guilty for putting him in this situation, and making him worry so much. Sometimes i need to vent to him and when i do i can see that he is walking on eggshells and picking his words because he's scared I'll hurt myself because of what he said
He wants me to get better, and the only solution he feels is right i refuse to do. I hate myself for hurting him, but I just can't go to therapy. I try to convince myself that I have the right to this selfish decision, but I also don't want him to hurt because of me.
Help with meal plan ideas?
/u/onegoalfullcontrol
Created: Thu May 10 08:15:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8if72m/help_with_meal_plan_ideas/
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Hi so I'm recovering from binge eating disorder and the primary reason why I always fail is because I set an unrealistic jump down to healthy food. I would post in the BED subreddit but you guys seem more responsive :P
Anyways, can anyone recommend me some recipes involving mostly veg, fish and some fruit? I don't want to eat anything other than veg, fish, and a bit of fruit. I don't mind paying more as long as it has little to none preparation time \(I'm lazy\). The more plant based \(no grains\), the better. Thanks.
[Help] I need help figuring out the right way to explain this to my boyfriend
/u/eighttorches
Created: Thu May 10 08:14:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8if712/i_need_help_figuring_out_the_right_way_to_explain/
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Does anyone know any decent ways to explain anorexia to someone who really doesn't understand? It's so hard because i know im delusional, he's the voice of reason and he's right. What's the best simplest way to tell someone that anorexia is not a choice and not 100% about being 'thin enough' thanks in advance!
[Help] How long does weight lifting/exercise cause water retention for?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Thu May 10 08:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8if3hg/how_long_does_weight_liftingexercise_cause_water/
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Atm I’m just restricting so it’s not really relevant to me yet, but I’m planning on getting back into exercise after my next uni coursework deadlines. I know that, due to muscle repair stuff, when you first start working out your muscles retain more water. I sort of just want to be prepared for (a) whether or not I’ll experience increased water retention even if I continue restricting as I have been (150-400 most days, 800ish one day a week), (b) approximately how many lbs it’s likely to be, and (c) how long it’ll last for? If I’m not prepared I feel like I’ll get really depressed about the drop in the number on the scale slowing down. I get that everyone’s body is different so maybe there’s no good way to predict this without more in-depth knowledge about my body and the specific exercise routine I’ll end up undertaking, but if anybody has approximate answers or personal experiences that’d be great.
One year later "recovered"
/u/bumblebatty00
Created: Thu May 10 07:40:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iey3n/one_year_later_recovered/
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Hi, I'm /u/bumblebatty just forgot my password and it isn't tied to an email and I've tried twenty different combos and I'm really upset by it but I can't get the life of me remember what the f... Anyway...
Went from 115 lbs. Wanting to get to 95 lbs but was struggling with keeping it at maintenance until after my wedding.
Well, wedding didn't happen (that's a good thing). Untreated CPTSD had me spiraling in craziness for a year ish.
Went from underweight, binging but fasting to just binging. I'm back up to 145-150 depending on if it's a binge day. I guess I'm still not up to my high weight of 170 but ugh so upset with myself. I had maintained 120-125 for a long time and was relatively okay with that. At least my clothes still fit.
Then binges.
I've been going to spin class 4x a week but this didn't stop my binging, but at least I went from gaining to maintaining. And OMG so many underweight women there....I want to be on their level...I was.. Ugh
Past couple days I've been good and resisted binging.
I just can't believe a year ago I was underweight and struggling with not eating enough.
WHO IS THIS PERSON
I can't believe it was me. Even though that's what I said prior to that thinking about high school me before that relapse.
Anyway going to hang around here for binge support. I was having some goals a couple weeks ago that were more exact but this week my goal is just "don't binge all week." Just that one thing. I can do it.
[Discussion] nicotine withdrawal
/u/fortunate-foolx
Created: Thu May 10 07:20:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ietlk/nicotine_withdrawal/
---
i’m having hell, i’m bitchy miserable and have the worst headache. i gave up
my cigs cold turkey 2 days ago and i’m feeling like shit, all i want to do is eat. my head hurts so bad, does anyone have a way to get around the wanting to eat part?
I just found the best weightloss solution
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword
Created: Thu May 10 06:38:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iejs3/i_just_found_the_best_weightloss_solution/
---
Motherfuckin JETLAG!!!
All my hunger cues are off, so during the day I'm super not hungry because it's techinically in middle of the night (and I usually end up sleeping all afternoon). Night is tricky cuz i get hungry but everyone goes to sleep and I can't just get up and make a shit ton of noise getting food (or be fucked to leave my bed in the dark) so I end up not eating so much either.
Hope this jetlag lasts like my whole lifetime lol
Most triggering movies?
/u/elizasbreath
Created: Thu May 10 06:25:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iegx8/most_triggering_movies/
---
Exactly what the title says. Any recs?
I blacked out yesderday. Now I'm worried about getting high. (AKA how can I prevent head rushes?)
/u/Egleriel
Created: Thu May 10 06:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ieedw/i_blacked_out_yesderday_now_im_worried_about/
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I decided to smoke yesderday after I broke fast. Because I "already fucked it up so who cares if I get the munchies".
I got so high... and when i got up to come inside I guess I had a head rush but in conjunction with the high my legs gave out, my vision went completely black, and I woke up in the floor of the patio outside my boyfriend's apartment.
It was really scary. Expecially since I was already fucked up... I essentially had a panic attack until I managed to get up and slowly move down the hall to the apartment and lay down.
How do I prevent this from happening again? I really would like to smoke again today, but now im worried im going to fall out again and someone will find me.
Any advice from people who frequently get head rushes because of low blood pressure would be beneficial. Thanks!
TL;DR: how do I prevent myself from blacking out again so I can enjoy my high? 😩
[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support May 10, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 10 06:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iee22/weekly_emotional_support_may_10_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 10, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 10 06:11:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iedwk/daily_food_diary_may_10_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 10, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
I blacked out yesderday. Now I'm about getting high. (AKA how can I prevent head rushes?)
/u/Egleriel
Created: Thu May 10 06:10:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iedrv/i_blacked_out_yesderday_now_im_about_getting_high/
---
I decided to smoke yesderday after I broke fast. Because I "already fucked it up so who cares if I get the munchies".
I got so high... and when i got up to come inside I guess I had a head rush but in conjunction with the high my legs gave out, my vision went completely black, and I woke up in the floor of the patio outside my boyfriend's apartment.
It was scary. Expecially since I was already fucked up.
How do I prevent this from happening again? I really would like to smoke again today, but now im worried im going to fall out again and someone will find me.
TL;DR: how do I prevent myself from blacking out again so I can enjoy my high? 😩
[Rant/Rave] my mom needs to stop telling me to eat
/u/chzkayla
Created: Thu May 10 06:09:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iedim/my_mom_needs_to_stop_telling_me_to_eat/
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ok i know i sound like a fucking entitled brat who knows no better. but hear me out, all she fucking does when she sees me is ask me to eat. like every single time. and it just makes me pissed and edge me even more than i actually felt before.
i.e i am going to the gym, like right now, i skipped dinner because i ate like a fucking cow for lunch. so i was like fuck this shit i am not eating dinner, gonna fast till weekend, and then eat because one thing for sure i’m gonna eat like a shit ton during the weekends bc i have something on. ok back to story.
so yea i was preparing to go to the gym, feeling great, which honestly is rare bc i ate for lunch, and was ready to go to the gym, and wearing my shoes and putting on my socks. and from the 2nd level, i heard her scream from her room, to remind me to eat.
AND I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD THAT FUCKING LINE JUST MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT FROM 100-0 like immediately. i am so fucking pissed right now, STOP FUCKING TRYING TO GET ME TO EAT. like i even ate in front of you during lunch so that you get off my back. and like for real, it’s not even like dinner is a necessity or smth. and all she does is try to get me to eat like seriously leave me alone. like talk to me about something else that is not weight related. like every time she sees me, or when i do out all she does is remind me to eat, like EVERYTIME EVEN ON TEXT. it’s like the only thing that we can talk about is fucking food.
and i hate it, when people talk to me about food, or talk to me about eating. lets talk about how many calories that bowl of noodle has, or that bar have. i will be so fuckinh down to talk about that, BUT DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT ME EATING. BECAUSE ALL THAT SHIT MAKES ME WANT TO DO IS NOT EAT EVEN MORE. IT FUCKING ANNOYS ME AND IDK BUT IT FUCKING TRIGGERS ME. don’t talk about food to me period. like talk about school, or like my boyfriend or my friends JUST NOT FUCKING FOOD. for fuck sake.
end of rant.
and i know how much of a spoilt brat i sound like right now, but it just pisses me off so bad, and it do more harm to me than help me. because i’ll eat when i know i need to eat. when i am fainting, trust me that i’ll eat. i already ate during lunch, leave me alone.
and i know that she loves me which is why she is reminding me to eat, but damn, telling me to eat won’t make me want to eat. if anything, it makes me want to not eat even more. fuck this shit. and i’m gonna go to the gym. thanks for reading my bratty lil 17 year old ass’s rant.
[Rant/Rave] My school keeps cooking all day long and I can't take it anymore
/u/mipiacelapizza
Created: Thu May 10 05:59:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iebeh/my_school_keeps_cooking_all_day_long_and_i_cant/
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Oh my god why is life so hard?! In my school we have a bar where they cook ANYTHING, from sweet to savoury, it's kinda like a restaurant. From 8 am to 11 you can smell fresh croissant and cake, from about 12 to the end of the classes they cook sandwiches, meat, all the pasta recepes you can think of and pizza (and I am italian so this is reeeally triggering for me)
All day, everyday I can smell delicious food in the air, guys, this is driving me insane, I never bring some money with me because I'm scared to death I will buy some food so If I need money for something else I'm fucked. And can we talk about my classmates eating in my face every time we have a break?! This is hell, I'm so frustrated right now I would scream. Sorry for this angry post but I feel like no one else would understand better than you guys.
[Rant/Rave] I missed a month's worth of classes because I didn't want to leave the house
/u/ummjennyweregonnadie
Created: Thu May 10 05:34:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ie6p9/i_missed_a_months_worth_of_classes_because_i/
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A bit of a backstory, I'm a bulimic (have been for 6 years give or take) and trying to recover on my own. I'm really not ready for therapy, but i have been doing really well since the start of the year, I've purged only two times.
However I've been yo-yoing between 64kg and 68kg and it's stressing me out way too much. I'm really scared of starting to restrict again and then giving in and starting a binge-purge cycle because i can't afford that right now. My uni finals are in a month and I really need to pass them all to keep my scholarship.
I've been reluctant to leave the house because I feel too fat and unattractive and i haven't been to classes since the start of April. Attendance doesn't affect my grade but I missed on so much material that i now have to figure out on my own. I'm so disappointed in myself. More than once in the last month i got ready to go out and then gave up when i looked into the mirror.
I made myself leave the house today tho so I think I'm making progress, but i needed to vent about this.
Does anyone else have a similar experience? How do you deal with it?
[Discussion] May 3rd - 10th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh
Created: Thu May 10 05:17:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ie3ms/may_3rd_10th_2018_question_of_the_day/
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Oops, sorry.
3rd: if you could have a superpower just for today, what would it be?
4th: when was the last time you went swimming?
5th: why was today hilarious?
6th: what was the last party you went to?
7th: who would play you in a movie about your life? Is it a good movie?
8th: who do you think is cute?
9th: what do you want to postpone?
10th: How did you start your day? (*posting these questions lmao*)
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Getting freaked out about buying lunch
/u/Judo_Noob_PTX
Created: Thu May 10 04:45:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8idxpa/getting_freaked_out_about_buying_lunch/
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I'm at college, my friend noticed I was upset (I'm stressed about lots of things atm) and I accidentally divulged that I didn't eat breakfast - she took me straight to the cafe and forced me to buy something. I got away with the smallest, lowest calorie yogurt and then only ate half of it. That's 32 calories. But I really need to buy lunch and I can feel that I might binge. What can I do to buy something, but to not go overboard with junk foods? My friend knows I have these problems and she used to be bulimic so she doesnt want me to go through this myself, so if I don't get lunch she'll make me go and get something and I'd rather choose what I get without being forced into it.
Who would you ideally look like if you could?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Thu May 10 04:42:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8idx72/who_would_you_ideally_look_like_if_you_could/
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Not just in terms of body, but also in terms of general appearance?
For me, it's people on Instagram like charlottesophiaderry and anfisaibadova for white model-types, and for South Asian (bc I'm mixed Indian and white) I'd say saffronvadher_ and simisear_
I guess in terms of *celebrity* celebrities I'd say someone like Ariana Grande. I'm basically just a fucking sucker for that doe-eyed look lmfao
What is your favourite quote/thought to prevent you from eating when you shouldn’t?
/u/realistbyname
Created: Thu May 10 04:41:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8idx22/what_is_your_favourite_quotethought_to_prevent/
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Seeking Eating Disorder Treatment Referral
/u/WorldzBestSoccerMom1
Created: Thu May 10 04:17:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8idt0d/seeking_eating_disorder_treatment_referral/
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So I don't know if anyone in here as any experience with eating disorder treatment facilities. I am looking for a place for my daughter and have found a place called <a href="https://rosewoodranch.com">Roasewood Ranch<a/>. Has anyone had any experiences with this place or a good place that they could recommend? Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this -- I want to send my baby girl to the best place.
What do y’all do during a fast?
/u/FoodIsForDORKS
Created: Thu May 10 02:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8id8nk/what_do_yall_do_during_a_fast/
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I can never do it. Day one all I can think about is food and then I end up binging before bed really bad. I hate it! I want to do just 3 days and I’ve never successfully done it (well, without drugs).
I’m going to an anime convention this month and I want to look baller for my cosplay. Even if I lose like 5 pounds I’ll feel a lil better. I don’t want to restrict under 700 cals every day like I used to so I want to just rip the bandaid and do a couple fasts instead.
How do you pass the time? How much tea do you drink? Caffeine pills? Broth? I’m going fucking crazy over this. I want to not binge this time but I’m weak.
Restricting
/u/izzless
Created: Thu May 10 01:55:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8id79i/restricting/
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So I’ve been doing alright lately, I’m down to a 125 (I’m 5’3”) from a 185 over the course of two years but I’ve plateaued and I feel so trapped. MPA’s BMI calculator says if I eat 1200 calories a day I’ll be 104lbs within 17 weeks. I’m gonna try to do 600-800 a day, based on the calculator I’d be at the 100lbs mark in 12 weeks. Any extra restricting tips or tricks or encouragement would be appreciated
[Rant/Rave] Triggering friend
/u/uliss237
Created: Thu May 10 01:54:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8id74h/triggering_friend/
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Hi :)
I really like this sub, because of all the support I’ve seen going on here, and so far only have lurked, now I’m writing with throwaway:
I have one problem I need to rant about:
At the moment I’m trying to maintain a BMI of around 16-16.5, before I was around 15.2 and felt like total shit. To be honest- it sounds unbelievable- I’m really enjoying life and try to somehow go into a recovery- like process.
But there are some things making me really feel bad: I have a friend, who in my eyes shows some ED-behaviors, like at the moment exercising a lot, asking if she should eat this or that, saying all the time that she’s fat, bingeing... shes at a normal weight I guess (probably BMI 21-23) and doesn’t know about my ED. But with her comments she’s extremely triggering (+annoying) me. She’s always telling me how boney I am, she’s making that comments all the time, even in front of other people, commenting about my hip-bones, legs or anything. Even though I like that my hipbones and so are visible and sometimes think that my legs look huge, I don’t see that as a compliment, but feel quite embarrassed and a bit unattractive. Whenever I eat she then is like: I don’t understand why you’re so tiny- you’re eating normal! But she doesn’t know I’ve set myself a calorie-limit and when she sees me eating, it might be the only time the day- it’s simple maths! Whenever she is going to do sports, I have the feeling that she is purposely saying that so that I‘ll compliment her, but that makes me feel like a real-Couch-potato :/ and the thing I hate the most, is when she’s like“oh no, My clothes are a bit loose, I have to sew them“ and I’m thinking like“All my clothes are loose, I can’t we’re anything bigger than size 0 or 2 without it falling off, I’m wearing sometimes children’s-clothes, because I couldn’t find anything else, and now you want me to compliment you on the fact your trousers are slights to big?“
Im starting to feel very angry and annoyed, especially thinking of the fact, that even when I was at BMI 15.2 I never bothered anyone else with my food obsession. Does that make sense?
And now when I’m trying to recover/maintain I don’t want to feel guilty everytime I’m eating. And I don’t want to comment all the time on her figure, or on her diet. I’m not the person who should give advices on that. And I have the feeling that she somehow wants to make me competitive or something, but I might be a bit paranoid.
I feel bad about that, because maybe she has a problem, and even if not, I’m a really bad friend, but I can’t deal with that at the moment, it’s simply too much. I also don’t want to loose her a friend, I really like her, and she’s one of my very few college friends.
Thanks :)
I'm scared
/u/allisonwonderland54
Created: Thu May 10 00:32:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ictzx/im_scared/
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My scale says I have 5% bodyfat and remained consistent after multiple tries and I'm 99% sure that's really fucking unhealthy and possibly dangerous and I'm scared because I don't see myself getting better
I don't want to die over this
need some help in food-controlled setting
/u/silverkel
Created: Wed May 9 23:43:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iclxn/need_some_help_in_foodcontrolled_setting/
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Hi all you lovelies (I've posted here before but never did a "Hey what's up this is me intro post"...so...hi! This sub helps me a lot xoxo) I need some help. I'm in a place where the food is basically like summer camp for the next half a week. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner at prescribed times and food that is made for me. There is always suuuper delicious salad and fruit options which I am trying to limit myself to. The really hard part is there is ALWAYS cookies, cakes, brownies, muffins, and scones on hand. I'm talking always platefuls of all of them, aaallllll the time. Yeah I know worst nightmare. It's so hard not to binge. I have had a dessert every day now (only binged on the first day, but even still my calorie mind is PANICKING) and I am low-key freaking out all the time. I am trying to hard to tell myself it's ok, this is what eating normally is like, but I am not really prepared for this as I was low-restricting for 2-3 weeks up until this point and am worried I'm going to have a complete breakdown. It's funny cause the reason I was restricting was in preparation for this so that I could gain some weight and still not be totally disgusting, but I feel totally disgusting. Any words of encouragement or tips on how to make it through without having a mental breakdown would be so helpful. I can feel myself gaining weight and it's horrible. I can't talk to anyone about this and it's really hard to cope. Thanks for listening <3
I just want to be small
/u/JimMakingTheFace
Created: Wed May 9 23:25:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8icixp/i_just_want_to_be_small/
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I don’t want to be sick. I don’t want to be underweight or cause concern. I actually really hate having people concerned about me. I don’t even like claiming to have disordered eating habits because it’s my own problem. I’ve done this to myself.
But I desperately want to feel petite. Like anyone could just pick me up and throw me over their shoulder. I feel so wide when I look in the mirror and my stomach pooches out. I just want to be small.
I Fucking Hate When People Make My Plate For Me
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Wed May 9 23:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ichxe/i_fucking_hate_when_people_make_my_plate_for_me/
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My mother-in-law makes plates for the table all the time even when I tell her I'll do it myself and every time I do, she gets an attitude with me. I understand she's trying to figure out how much to give to each person but she always gives me way too much and then bitches when I don't eat it all. Like, the fuck did you expect? And then she brings up my ED "behavior" because she decided to give me bigge portions than I wanted. Fucking fuck.
Noticing A Pattern With SO and Sex (TMI)
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Wed May 9 22:54:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8icddt/noticing_a_pattern_with_so_and_sex_tmi/
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We hardly ever have sex. Like maybe once in a blue moon and it's when I've gone all out on my makeup. I wear light makeup to work and then my dark, gothy looks when we go out. He seems to only want sex when I'm done up and it just makes me feel hideous. Like I'm too ugly to fuck unless I put a pound of makeup on and I'm basically unrecognizable. He also likes to drink and that's also when he wants to go. And I'm all for it but every time I initiate it's "if you want to." Or "I guess" and I don't feel attractive anymore. He points out how small my boobs and butt have gotten which is making my ED somehow worse (who would've thought!)
I have friends but none of them know about my ED and now he's stopped being interested in spending time with me. He only talks to me when he needs laundry done or what's for dinner or if I'm bringing him coffee and we used to have deep and fun conversations and talk about music and art. Now I live to serve him and his family. Whatever they fucking need (which is a lot) I do. But that's my rent, I do what I can to help and I can stay. But I don't even feel like we're friends. We're fucking roommates. He's been really deep into his writing. We both write but he wants to be a writer for a living and tbh he's a fucking amazing writer so he's of course putting a lot of time into it. Lots of families are tested by a writer writing his book. Spouses could go whole days without seeing each other because one of them is writing a book. But it's just making me sad tbh. I want him to succeed as a writer and I love talking about writing and learning from him for my own books and poems but I'm just sad right now I guess and kinda drunk. Waiting for his family to go to bed so I can smoke a damn cigarette and cry. I feel like I've pretty much lost him and he apologizes for it but nothing changes. I feel like he'll probably end up finding someone prettier with less issues. Someone who is a better writer and more fun to be around.
Recovery didn’t work. I just got fat, miserable, and I can’t stop dying my hair
/u/orthoreXXX
Created: Wed May 9 22:13:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ic5jd/recovery_didnt_work_i_just_got_fat_miserable_and/
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I gained a lot of fucking weight and I’m so depressed lol. Also I can’t decide what hair color I want so I’ve literally dyed it every single fucking day I guess to feel like I had some sort of control over my life.
Now my hair is extremely dry and brittle, breaking like crazy every time I brush my hair, I have a new deep forehead wrinkle, tanning beds don’t work for me anymore they don’t even change my skin color at all, and im fucking fat
[Rant/Rave] I live in a prison of my own making, and I think I might’ve thrown away the key.
/u/TreatmentTime
Created: Wed May 9 21:30:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ibzdw/i_live_in_a_prison_of_my_own_making_and_i_think_i/
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[Transcribed the below from my journal today. I shared it on 🍑 and thought people here might enjoy/see something of themselves in it as well.
One of the most healing parts of treatment for me were the process groups where we really dug into the aetiology of our illness, and - to be honest - I miss it. These diseases are so isolating, and they thrive when we believe we are alone and beyond saving, and that is so rarely the reality. There is a light, however dim, out there somewhere for all of us. I hope each and every one of you that reads this is able to find their’s before it winks out.
Xoxo, TreatmentTime]
I grabbed coffee with a friend from ERC today. She’s a few years older than me, and one thing she said that really struck home was “I don’t think I’ll ever be free of this”. We’ve both had our EDs for over a decade, spent many months in various levels of care, and not had much change ED-wise because of it.
I know I don’t want to be stuck in this same pattern of invasive, controlling, and overwhelming thoughts and behaviours a decade from now, obsessing over every calorie and building my social calendar around planned exercise, but I have no idea how to stop. I hate the hedonistic treadmill that is stepping on the scale every morning, occasionally being thrilled, and then immediately disappointed because it’s never enough - but I hate the thoughts and behaviours that come back when I let the obsessiveness of the ED go.
Without something to focus on that’s both concrete and entirely within my control, my anxiety and depression get out of control. I have this deeply held belief instilled in me by my upbringing that I am a lazy, undisciplined person who will not accomplish anything; the ED functions as embodied proof that I *can* do things when I set my mind to it, and inspires me to accomplish other things. In all of the periods where I’ve “peaked” athletically and occupationally, I’ve been hypomanic, strung out on stimulants, and skinny as heck, and I can’t shake the idea that this represents the ideal version of myself and I *need* my ED to achieve and sustain it.
When I let things slip, try to eat “normally”, skip the gym when I’m tired, and otherwise care for and nourish my body, I feel like I become an exemplar of the slovenly, sloth-like subhumans I was taught to detest growing up, and it bleeds over into everything I do. I’m less confident at work, afraid to leave the house or even get out of bed for fear of being judged for my behaviour and figure.
Without getting rid of those thoughts, I can’t dump the ED, and I can’t dump those thoughts because I 100% believe that they are the only thing that makes me succeed.
[Rant/Rave] Twitter account reported and locked for 12 hrs... (Suicide TW)
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Wed May 9 21:14:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ibw2s/twitter_account_reported_and_locked_for_12_hrs/
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Someone reported my Twitter for a tweet that said, “give me a intracardiac injection to stop my heart,” while I was suicidal.
I honestly hope nothing but bad happens for them because now I am even more suicidal.
Everything is just getting worse.
I think I have switched from OSFED/EDNOS to BED and that makes me wanna die.
Unfortunately I have no barbiturates so I won’t be catching the bus so don’t worry.
[Help] Help! Burst blood vessels on face! Really bad!
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Wed May 9 21:00:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ibt17/help_burst_blood_vessels_on_face_really_bad/
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So I just slipped up and binged and purged. Immediately after purging I put on rosy cheeks face mask by Lush. Well, I just took it off and where I had a recent adult acne break out on my chin and around my lips (which was just starting to look better) I burst all the blood vessels in the area of breakouts by purging. It looks super bad. I dont have good enough makeup skill to hide this. What the fuck should I do? I have to go to work tomorrow and cant take off. Does ice help?
tldr: I am never purging again.
[Rant/Rave] F*ck Dressing Rooms
/u/cybermua
Created: Wed May 9 20:11:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ibi8s/fck_dressing_rooms/
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I’m going on vacation soon, so I thought I’d do a little shopping —get some dresses and swimsuits (also fuck swimsuits).
Why is it that I’ll feel fine and think I look fine at work/home, then suddenly I show up at a store dressing room and my body just looks like a wrinkly sea lion mixed with a naked mole rat???
Like are the rooms not designed to help the store actually sell clothes?
Never fully trusting an electronic scale again
/u/laurenmini2
Created: Wed May 9 20:09:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ibhre/never_fully_trusting_an_electronic_scale_again/
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This morning I weighed myself at home with my electronic scale as usual and it said 130.4 for all three measurements. Then I weighed myself at my nursing class with a balance scale just to see if there was a difference and it said 134.2. Completely destroyed my hopes for progress. That's so much weight that I thought I had lost and it's like I gained it all back and more in a single instant.
Current threads on Loseit
/u/ZOMGROFLCOPTER
Created: Wed May 9 19:32:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ib9hm/current_threads_on_loseit/
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There's been a few recently about calorie minimums. Today there is a post from someone in recovery about the emotional/physical toll of going below the minimum and wow, if the comments are anything to go by, everyone essentially has an ED. It's just quite eye opening to see those people who know *something they're doing is not quite right* but don't label it ED/accept it as ED, and then us, over here......
[Rant/Rave] My endocrinologist threatened to stop prescribing me testosterone If I gain any more weight
/u/Arkhamgel
Created: Wed May 9 19:29:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ib8ss/my_endocrinologist_threatened_to_stop_prescribing/
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She has the right to do so, just like I have the right to see some other doctor, but damn that woman knows how to motivate weight loss
It sounds bad but I don't like when my friends don't notice/comment on my weight loss?
/u/Flyingpapers
Created: Wed May 9 19:20:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ib6qc/it_sounds_bad_but_i_dont_like_when_my_friends/
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I've lost 16 pounds in the past couple of months and it feels like even though i can see the difference and obviously the scale can I don't feel validated because my friends haven't commented on it. I've gone down a dress size but it wont start being enough until one of them says something.
[Help] My ED has turned my relationship of 10 years into my roommate essentially
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Wed May 9 19:15:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ib5ma/my_ed_has_turned_my_relationship_of_10_years_into/
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Some basic story first to understand...
We’ve both been under a lot of stress and health stuff so I thought that was it. But I am so far into this I have blocked so much out I didn’t realize anything was wrong and I feel like shit. He is self employed ( I worked and paid for everything to let him follow this dream, even racking up quite a bit of debt). This was insanely stressful on me for 2 years. His business took off but he recently has been having a rough time and getting bored with his job. This has cost lost clients and also this has then caused depression leading him to just hating everything about it. Kinda a spiral.
He has really bad chronic pain and has been without health care, we’ve been together sooooo long I simply asked him if he would like to get married now, just courthouse and I can add him to my policy at work. Then when we’re ready we can have a formal ceremony etc.
Wellllllll he said I can’t marry you we don’t even have sex. At first it was because I hate my body. But he said last night he is no longer attracted to my body. I’m too skinny and he can not get married or even want to be intimate until I gain. He even pushes me away from a hug since I feel “gross.” Ive been having horrible episodes of shaking and body numbness and twitching for the past two weeks. This weekend my legs went numb and gave out, I hit a wall and he ran to me so quick and panicked. After I was feeling better. He said “ it’s probably a cardiac thing and you need a doctor, I’m surprised nothing has happened yet.”
I’m horrible, I honestly do not want sex due to feeling horribly fat, but to be unwanted..... he says he loves everything about me, but my ED is ruining me and I am not me anymore. I also feel bad I didn’t realize how unhappy he was and now am worrying about money AND my ED AND him thinking im disgusting. He doesn’t want to be with me until I gain weight. He knows it’s so hard for me, but that’s where we are. I have no idea....
Sorry this was sooooo long. If you read through I really appreciate it.
I look fat in my prom dress
/u/2normal
Created: Wed May 9 19:05:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ib3ba/i_look_fat_in_my_prom_dress/
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I put on ten pounds due to binging over the past year. I’ve also been lazy about tracking.
I feel so fat in gross in my prom dress. Everyone says I look better since I’m “curvier” (it went to my boobs mostly), but all I see is fat fat and more fat. Whenever I bring up my discontent everyone looks at me like I’m crazy.
Sorry for the long post. Just need to vent.
Extremely Painful Cramps?
/u/peach-love
Created: Wed May 9 18:54:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ib0rj/extremely_painful_cramps/
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I know nobody on here is a doctor (and if they are, itd be impossible to say anything for certain.)
But does anybody get really painful stomach cramps/aches after they consume anything? After I eat food/water, my stomach cramps so bad I am literally hunched over from the pain. It can gradually come on (like the equivalent of a brain freeze, but in my stomach) or sometimes it just immediately hits me.
I just drank water rn and it probably looked like I was going into cardiac arrest from how quickly I just bent over in pain. It doesnt happen ALL the time, but frequent wnough to be concerning because I genuinely dont know if this next sip of water is gonna make me feel like I just got shot.
[Rant/Rave] I think my ED has hit rock bottom.
/u/losemore
Created: Wed May 9 18:45:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iaypu/i_think_my_ed_has_hit_rock_bottom/
---
Yesterday I had an appointment with a psychiatrist and ended up getting diagnosed with ADHD.
I’ve always struggled with the symptoms, and it is a legitimate concern in my life.. but the only reason I decided to do something about it was for a prescription of Ritalin (which I also received yesterday) to help me curb my appetite. I feel like a fraud at the moment, as yes I do meet all the criteria but I care more about taking it to lose weight than the legitimate reasons I actually need to take it for.
There’s not really much point in this post, I just needed to vent somewhere to people that may understand 😩
I like not feeling well...
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Wed May 9 18:37:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iawyu/i_like_not_feeling_well/
---
I think there are many reasons why I obsess over my weight. One of the reasons is because I enjoy not feeling well. In some way I like to be pitied. When I have a cold/flu people are nicer and gentler with me. No one is bothered if I have an attitude. I feel like I have the upper hand when I don't feel well. DAE feel like this sometimes?
tl;dr: screw humidity, screw sodium, screw cortisol
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Wed May 9 18:35:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iawim/tldr_screw_humidity_screw_sodium_screw_cortisol/
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https://i.redd.it/4rpy7cgnbxw01.png
[Help] Can anyone make me feel better about my alcohol calories
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Wed May 9 18:35:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iaweh/can_anyone_make_me_feel_better_about_my_alcohol/
---
So I’ve only had one meal in the past six days (my bf invited me to dinner w his grandma) but on almost all the other days I drank vodka. But today I am drinking beer bc it is the only thing that makes me happy. I’ve had three 135 cal coors lights and I feel like that is way too many cals but I am sad and I need to keep drinking. So it will end up being like 680 cals of beer today atleast bc it’s only 530 pm. And I’m super worried once I get drunk it will turn into a binge but whatever isn’t that how it goes for all of us.
Anyways if I don’t binge can someone make me feel better about all the calories I have had from beer today and vodka all the other days. Bc 680 cals makes me feel like I might as well just binge today and start over tomorrow bc I am sad and whatever. But I haven’t binged in basically six days and I was hoping to go this month without but food sounds so good and I already hate life/myself so I might as well.
Damn I’m fuckin sad. This is me drunk rambling but super sad.
How do I hide my ED from my dad?
/u/webzner
Created: Wed May 9 18:22:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iathv/how_do_i_hide_my_ed_from_my_dad/
---
I have been struggling with atypical anorexia nervosa for years now, and I have only recently started going to an ED clinic for treatment. My mom has known since the beginning, but the last thing I want is for my dad to find out (we don't have a good relationship). Unfortunately, the first thing my doctor told me to do is stop exercising because my heart rate fluctuates to much and is too low, and my dad is already questioning me about why my nurse wants me to stop. I told him that I was iron deficient and my heart rate is low, but I didn't tell him why. What are some ways that I can hide this from him for the future?
[Help] Blood work + blood donation appointments on the same day
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Wed May 9 18:19:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iast7/blood_work_blood_donation_appointments_on_the/
---
I just realized both appointments fall on the same day, do you guys think I'll be ok going to both?
[Intro] Haha hey guys I’m back
/u/FoodIsForDORKS
Created: Wed May 9 18:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iaom3/haha_hey_guys_im_back/
---
I was in recovery. Kinda. I quit drinking and started eating more. Been “better” for a year.
BUT THE FUCKING SHIT THING ABOUT “RECOVERY” IS I DONT STOP FEELING BAD ABOUT GAINING WEIGHT AND NOW I FUCKING BINGE A LOT AND ITS NOT LIKE THATS HEALTHY EITHER SO FUCK.
I can feel myself slipping again so I just want to throw myself back into the community so that I can like...be monitored kinda? Like when I did stuff that was rlly bad I talked about it and you guys helped me not do it (or at least not as much). So yeah. Idk. Hi.
I really don’t want to throw up anymore. That’s my biggest thing. Purging is so much worse than restricting. If you ever see me talking about purging feel free to be mean to me about it. I know that’s no ones responsibility but just typing that makes me feel more accountable lol.
This post is really pointless I’m sorry it’s just making me feel better to admit I never really recovered I just ate more. I’m not ready. Bring on the miracle noodles and boiled eggs y’all.
[Discussion] Thoughts on the Discussions on Loseit Right Now
/u/Rickticia
Created: Wed May 9 18:01:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iaole/thoughts_on_the_discussions_on_loseit_right_now/
---
I’m wondering what you all on this sub think about the discussions on the Loseit sub right now regarding calorie minimums, especially for women. It started with a post that said that 1200 (f) and 1500 (m) are the absolute minimums, regardless of how short you may be. I feel that this hard limit makes no sense: ie. my 19 year old sister who clocks in at 4’10”. They said that the only exceptions are medical outliers.
A later post by a mod tried to say that they “obviously” knew that there are outliers due to height and that hey were never trying to exclude shorter people—sure 🙄. Also, they were asked for sources many times, and to my knowledge none were posted.
I don’t know what to think about this. It seems inaccurate to me, but what do you all think? Is there truth to this? Do shorter people require fewer micronutrients, and are their bodies able to function properly on a minimum of say, 1000 if they are as short as my sister?
I’m sorry if this isn’t the right sub to ask. Also, I didn’t link anything, but I’m sure you could find it if you sort by controversial.
Dream tattoo!
/u/caithaa
Created: Wed May 9 18:00:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iaodb/dream_tattoo/
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I've been wanting to get my ribcage tattooed for years now, and I've always pulled out last second because I wanted to be thinner so the tattoo wouldn't get distorted once I lost the weight.
I've decided that I'm gonna get it around June 20th. Definitely before July. Hopefully this is enough motivation for me to stop binging aimlessly like this past week!
Spanx questions!
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Wed May 9 17:51:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iam5v/spanx_questions/
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Sorry that this isn’t completely on topic but I didn’t want to ask anywhere else and i thought you all might know... are Spanx supposed to make your hips and thighs look smaller or to just make them look “smoother”? I’m a pear shape and i would love for the rest of me to look more in proportion and maybe even (gasp!) be able to wear pants without wanting to die. Also, any recommendations for type/style if they do make them appear smaller? Thanks for the help, I know it’s weird.
Food at work is going to be the death of me: pt II
/u/vucio72
Created: Wed May 9 17:12:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iactr/food_at_work_is_going_to_be_the_death_of_me_pt_ii/
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For the last two weeks, and then next two ahead, I have been and will be teaching some group sessions for high schoolers, and my company buys pizza for them for these sessions. This means that I am stuck in a room with boxes upon boxes of pizza and I have already gone over my cal limit today and pizza is a huge fear food, not because I don't love it, but because a single slice is so full of carbs and fats and calorie-dense but so delicious and I can't just eat one.
This has been another rant about food. I always feel bad for posting here like I'm taking up other people's time and emotional space even though I know that's exactly the point of this sub. I guess feeling guilty for needing other people follows me even into my online life lol
[Discussion] DAE use apple cider vinegar?
/u/Idleinterdial
Created: Wed May 9 17:02:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8iaaft/dae_use_apple_cider_vinegar/
---
If you do, what's the best way?
[Rant/Rave] Eating like a pig all week
/u/cabbagecum
Created: Wed May 9 16:41:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ia5op/eating_like_a_pig_all_week/
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Hi its exam week and Ive been eating like a pig for the past four days. Its ridiculous to say but Ive been eating around 1200-1700 calories a day and I weigh 5lbs more than I did last week. Ive been trying to fast but I just keep eating out of stress. I’m so bloated and Ive been stuck at this weight range for months now and Its been harder and harder to lose weight despite eating so little I dont understand.
I feel so guilty I just ate 220 calories of peanut butter. Ive had around 1100 calories today and Im too scared to weigh myself because I know Im going to be heavier than I was yesterday somehow. I want to die
eating breakfast = non-stop ticket to binge town
/u/gogobingegadget
Created: Wed May 9 16:12:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i9ykp/eating_breakfast_nonstop_ticket_to_binge_town/
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I just realized this today. Most of my binges in the past month have been started in the morning, with breakfast. If I wait to eat until the afternoon, I have a much easier time controlling my eating.
Im trying to recover from BED and eat healthy, but I think that my body isnt personally suited for breakfast, because it does something to screw up my hunger cues.
Does anyone else experience this? Is it common for breakfast to singlehandedly trigger binges? I get pretty upset at people who insist that breakfast is the key to healthy eating.
[Tip] Clonezapam takes my appetite entirely. Does your medication affect your ED?
/u/whyclownsarefun
Created: Wed May 9 15:41:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i9qg2/clonezapam_takes_my_appetite_entirely_does_your/
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Hey. I've been so up in this shit since noon, due a severe case of dad's intense bullshitery. Right now I feel empty, but satisfied. Numb to the sound of another shit avalanche coming my way, just feeling the high. After he went home, I smoked just 1 hit and now I feel warm and mellow. I'm ready to go to sleep but I still wanna take 5 drops before sleeping...for my insomnia of course. In the other hand, Mirtazapine is the absolutley horror, making my appetite 3x worse. Any of you have noticed perks or downs on your ED during different medications? I know Ritalin makes you burn 2x as fast.
flashbacks- the most effective appetite suppressant
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Wed May 9 15:10:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i9ie2/flashbacks_the_most_effective_appetite_suppressant/
---
For an hour and a half special block period today in school, they rounded all of the girls up into groups and gave us the "how-to-not-get-raped" talk that they're always shoving down our throats. It's always a huge trigger for me, pulling up all the things I wish i didn't have to remember, but today, there was a twist; they threw in a self-defense lesson as well. So, we start running to warm up, and i'm already about to faint and basically trying to come up with some reason as to why i'm lagging. settled on blood pressure issues as an excuse.
Then, we partnered up, watched a demonstration, and practiced.
I had to let someone I don't know wrap their arm around my neck.
I had to stand there, so uncomfortable I wanted to rip my skin off my bones, and try to pry their arm off using this technique they'd taught us.
It was just a reminder of how damned helpless I am.
I can't even shake off another teenage girl who isn't even really trying.
That frailty is why I've been carrying around a heartful of shame for four years.
Something that was supposed to be empowering made me feel like a violated kid again.
Now, i'm dissociating in the bathroom, and i guess i'm writing this to try to come back to the moment.
But at least i'm not hungry anymore, right?
My stomach's all full of hideous things.
Damn this water weight.
/u/xveritaserumx
Created: Wed May 9 14:54:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i9dzg/damn_this_water_weight/
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Hard restricting (500 cals or less) for the third day in a row. Scale says I've gained 2 lbs. I know that's not logical, it must just be water retention. But damn, does it fuck with my head. "Look, dumbass, it's not working. You should just go binge and feel better."
Blaaaahhhh. Any tips on how to reduce water retention?
Scale weight differences depending on location anxiety
/u/glossboy
Created: Wed May 9 14:38:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i99j5/scale_weight_differences_depending_on_location/
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I try to keep my scale in one place to make sure I can at least get an accurate read for how much I've actually lost but I just moved back in with my parents for the Summer and I can't figure out which area of my house is the most accurate and I'm losing my mind over it.
I have all flat hard floors but my weight varies a whole 5 lbs moving it even just a foot over.
My logic is that the highest weight should be the most accurate weight right? Because it can't weigh something that isn't there so whatever highest weight I am is an accurate read of whatever was on my body?
I'm frustrated because I'm either at my lowest weight I've ever been my adult life or I'm still stuck in this endless 3 week plateau.
Man I don't even know why the 5 lb difference means so much to me if I look the same anyway lmfao, it's not like my body looks any smaller. \(Confirmed since my measurements haven't changed over the course of an entire month\)
Thought someone might like to hear a relatable story
/u/crankyhedgiebutt
Created: Wed May 9 14:21:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i94sx/thought_someone_might_like_to_hear_a_relatable/
---
Hey everybody,
I thought we could all share experiences to what led us to where we are.
Ugh I'm already annoyed because my dad said we shouldn't get sushi due to the rice and carbs. He doesn't understand how much I limit already. He didn't even seem concerned when I admitted to working out for 3 hours today. He's the same guy who says I shouldn't eat broccoli because of carbs. That's one of my safe "healthy" foods. I already struggle with finding things I'm okay with eating and it doesn't help. I will feel guilty and hopeless for hours and days if I feel like I had something bad. And will obviously workout for hours to burn it off.
So growing up my mom was very vain and wanted me to be Miss frickin' America. Sorry I couldn't meet your expectations mom. She made comments about my lower stomach pouch when I was 14 and said a one piece would cover that up. She said that with almost a disgust and definitely a disdain. I was healthy and just had baby fat left over. She always told me I looked my best at 110 to 115 pounds. But funnily enough, I think she liked me best when I was 99 pounds and had NO belly fat. I only got that low due to being really busy and getting the flu. I had friends who were really concerned about me having an eating disorder then. I told a guy friend my mom let me have a pedialyte shake so I wouldn't get too full or be bloated on stage (we were in drama class). He was really worried.
Nowadays (nearly a decade later), I work out 3-5 times a week doing lots of weightlifting and some cardio. I workout from anywhere of 1.5-3 hours every time. I don't think I get enough calories (I don't count) but from what I know I probably don't get 2000 a day usually (unless I drink wine that night). I'm trying to burn all the body fat I can so I can be ripped. I've always wanted abs! It's taking forever though and it sucks.
I've seen a counselor recently and started feeling better about my body dysmorphia but this shit from my dad isn't helping :( I really just want to be healthy and get ripped but don't think I'm doing it quite healthily. Recent blood work showed I needed to start taking vitamin d supplements.
Does anybody know any really good calorie counting sites or apps? I've had a hard time finding one that seems accurate or displays plain food (not pre-packaged or pre-made food). I generally cook all my own meals. I'm just curious to see how much I usually eat.
Anybody here relate?
just purged for the first time
/u/moon-lady
Created: Wed May 9 14:07:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i90vc/just_purged_for_the_first_time/
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i feel like shit, and i'm in this scary limbo of, "did i get it all out? should i go back and try some more? should i start working out to burn off whatever could be left?"
i want to not do this again
Did y'all see Grimes in MetGala? O: Anyone knows how much she weighs?
/u/WannaBePaleintheFace
Created: Wed May 9 13:18:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i8ncl/did_yall_see_grimes_in_metgala_o_anyone_knows_how/
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I saw 50kg in some site but I think she has to be in the fourties. So pretty! (=
Also I'm obsessed with the weirdness that is her and Elon lol
How to stave off breaking a fast?
/u/Egleriel
Created: Wed May 9 13:03:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i8j6g/how_to_stave_off_breaking_a_fast/
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Guys I am on hour 63 of my fast. I wanted to go 120, but I'm weak and I feel like before the end of the day I might cave in... this is the longest Ive gone without food (without an EC stack that is... with it's 90 hours).
What can I do to prolong the fast? I'm drinking a lot of water and some soda. I'm also trying to distract myself but it feels difficult to do more than walk and then I can't go far before my legs start burning... I've been playing the Sims all morning. But it's getting stale. What do? Please help 😣
Stranger kept me from a binge
/u/wetturtlefarts
Created: Wed May 9 13:02:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i8j05/stranger_kept_me_from_a_binge/
---
Trigger Warning: Street/Sexual Harassment
Maybe an hour ago I went on my lunch break to stock up for a binge.
I had been fasting nearly 20 hours, and I went running this morning, so I had been concocting reasons to go to Trader Joe's all morning.
I wrote down the things I wanted and the calories \(2200 in total\) and basically felt justified.
Really though, when I start unplanned eating usually everything in the vicinity gets eaten. Also I probably would have gotten take out to bring home for dinner too.
Anyhow, I got to take my lunch and I went straight to my safe place, Trader Joe's. I got a ton of shit for those 2200 calories \(I try to eat voluminous foods\).
I heaved my bags on my way back to work, and felt so panicked and frantic. The relief of eating would make me feel better I thought, but really its the fear of eating that makes me freak out in the first place.
I decided to stop and have a cigarette, and think over my eating, I keep a pack for emergencies like this. \(Usually it adds an hour or two before the inevitable\)
When I stopped to put my things down I hear some guy yelling and power walking towards me. I went behind a building a little way from my job because I would hate for my boss to drive by.
SO I am basically in an alleyway with 2 giant trader joes bag digging in my purse for cigarettes like a maniac, when a moderately attractive older man \(late 30's\) comes over and asks for my number.
I am totally insulted to be "harassed" while having a breakdown, but he explains that he saw me walking across the street \(while I was looking for a secret spot to sin\) and wanted to talk to me. He was genuinely nice, and I didn't feel objectified in a negative way if that is possible...Please don't be too ashamed of me, I am on this sub, so really my view of reality and healthy relationships are fucking bonkers.
I gave him my number, and he went back to his illegally parked car.
Being catcalled and harassed is a shitty thing when you are just trying to get from point A to B. But today, when I felt like a pig, and gathered all the treats deserving of a pig, I was reminded by a gently graying man that I am not half bad.
He approached it in the nicest way possible, still not socially acceptable but today it made a 2200 calorie difference.
Thanks for reading this far, really this is just me killing time until work is over and I can break my fast with soup and veggies \(330 cals\). 2 hours to go!
[Discussion] DAE not count calories for certain foods??
/u/lewytunes
Created: Wed May 9 12:41:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i8ctc/dae_not_count_calories_for_certain_foods/
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I have ‘safe’ foods (idk if I necessarily use that word the same as other people) that I allow myself to eat as much of as I want (grapes, baby carrots, strawberries, raspberries, oranges, etc - most fruit) AND don’t count in my daily calories... it’s like a polite nod to healthy eating even if the rest of my eating habits aren’t that healthy atm. Thoughts?
to all Orthorexics out there-- what is your ideal diet??
/u/onegoalfullcontrol
Created: Wed May 9 11:50:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i7yqd/to_all_orthorexics_out_there_what_is_your_ideal/
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For me it would me only vegetables and fish. Maybe once a month a chocolate and nuts bar. And in very special occasions, just bubble tea \(no milk\) and sushi.
No dairy, grains, meat, eggs or fruits because they either put me into a brain fog or I'm likely to binge on them.
Is there something wrong with me if I can't fast? How can I make myself stick to a fast?
/u/onegoalfullcontrol
Created: Wed May 9 11:40:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i7vsr/is_there_something_wrong_with_me_if_i_cant_fast/
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I've gone through phases of ednos \(leaning towards anorexia\), orthorexia, binge eating disorder. Currently I don't think I have an eating disorder although I can't make myself lose weight and am stuck at a disappointing 168lbs \(overweight\) \- not gaining, not losing. And throughout any ED or non ED phase I have never been able to fast. I think it's because I have no self control? I don't know. Is there anyone here that has the same problem? Is there anyone here that's had this problem but magically started to fast \(if so how did you do that\)?
I always go like half a day in then I say 'fuck it' or 'I'll start later' and then just give up. Longest I've gone is 40 hrs.
Shows that you watch to purposefully trigger behaviors or crying fits?
/u/invisibone
Created: Wed May 9 11:25:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i7rf8/shows_that_you_watch_to_purposefully_trigger/
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Sometimes I can't feel anything anymore and I have to have go to episodes to drag it out of me.
Last night it was Vampire Diaries... Nina Dobrev is ridiculously thin and pretty and everyone loves her. Also, Damon not feeling loved I can soooooooo relate to. Watched the episode where he finally believes she loves him and sobbed until I couldn't handle it and took a sleeping pill. I'd kill for someone to admit they loved me. Might be myself I end up killing at this rate.
Has anyone ever used the Law Of Attraction to manifest weight loss?
/u/renewtheplaintiff
Created: Wed May 9 11:17:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i7pc7/has_anyone_ever_used_the_law_of_attraction_to/
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Basically believing you are already *thin, fit, beautiful*, visualizing yourself at your GW, believing the universe works in harmony with you to manifest the very thoughts you're thinking (ex: thinking "I'm so fat" will only make you fat).
I'm thinking of releasing all these negative ED emotions, and replacing them with visualizations, affirmations, and daily meditation. For example: typical morning for me will be waking up, drinking lemon water, taking supplements, and eating a fruit bowl - whilst constantly visualizing myself at my GW, happy and thin and healthy.
Would this even work? Or is it just some hippie bullshit?
[Rant/Rave] I don't mean to sound selfish, but if this is what life is always going to be like then I don't f*cking want it
/u/-PM-ME-NICE-THINGS-
Created: Wed May 9 10:52:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i7i83/i_dont_mean_to_sound_selfish_but_if_this_is_what/
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I'd been so healthy these past few days. I'd stuck to water and tea. I'd had mushrooms and peas and strawberries and bananas. I'd eaten mackerel for protein and peanut butter for fat (not the Sunpat or Jif kind, but the pure kind). Potatoes and cashews and seasonings and quite a good calorie count - 1200.
Then someone cooked for me instead and it's all fucked up.
There was a plate full of pastry (flour is a big sin in my warped world). Double cream everywhere (don't get me started). Chicken drippings and butter and oh my fucking *god*. The whole plate was saturated in fats and oils and hormones and unnaturalness and everything I hate. I had to eat it all. There was an audience (my family) and they don't take kindly to wastage. You can't leave the table til your plate is cleared. So I had to eat it *all*.
I just want to disembowel myself. I can't purge it out because my gag reflex just doesn't work that way and never has. Am I going to be this way forever? Probably. I don't want to ever have food that wasn't bought, weighed, measured, washed, cooked or even plated by me ever again.
I'm sick of being on the brink of tears all the time. I want to go grocery shopping without having a melt down. I want to go back to the times I'd make enchiladas or cupcakes or hunters chicken and fucking love it. I had such a good relationship with food. It was all delicious and decadent and flavourful and now it just feels like a giant joke at my sanity's expense.
It's awful to say but it's times like these I genuinely want to die.
[Rant/Rave] So my mom noticed my weightloss😒
/u/Lairabel09
Created: Wed May 9 10:11:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i77jz/so_my_mom_noticed_my_weightloss/
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She came over last week to check up on me and I didnt think to wear something big💀
First she told me how ugly it looks in an attempt to put me off from losing more weight. Nice reaction, right off the bat.
Now she's bombarding me with messages about what she's eating and how DELICIOUS it is. Real subtle, mom... Also it's always really unhealthy fatty stuff like the sausages she just sent me a pic of! Is that supposed to kill my appetite? Because it's killing my appetite!😂
It's also super ironic, because back when I was chubby she was going on about how beautiful and slim she was when she was my age and how popular she was among the boys™. I am not even into guys but it was great meanspo anyway, tbh. But I have seen her old pictures and she was even smaller than I am now, so what the fuck is she even freaking out about?! I feel like she secretly hates me and wants me to fail in life.
[Help] Tips for escaping night-bingeing??
/u/HonestSpeak
Created: Wed May 9 10:11:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i77ia/tips_for_escaping_nightbingeing/
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I just wanna be able to restrict easily again and I'm good for most of the day, but when I near 7-8pm I just start eating and eating and I can't stop. How do I stop eating at night? How can I pull myself out of this mess?
[Discussion] How do you stay happy with an ED?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Wed May 9 09:58:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i73p9/how_do_you_stay_happy_with_an_ed/
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Those of you who say you're happy besides having an ED, im happy for you but i don't get it. Im so depressed and dont want to recover and gain weight. I don't know what to do anymore. All i want anymore is to be happy with littleraly anything at all
How do you keep track of your calorie intake?
/u/regularpoppy
Created: Wed May 9 09:57:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i73e1/how_do_you_keep_track_of_your_calorie_intake/
---
I’m looking for some suggestions of good apps to use to keep track of my calorie intake. What do you use?
[Discussion] How much diet soda do you typically consume each day?
/u/clemintide
Created: Wed May 9 09:44:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6zm7/how_much_diet_soda_do_you_typically_consume_each/
---
I work in fast food so I have unlimited diet coke 5 days out of the week, and on my days off, or before/after work I’ll drink anywhere from a can/bottle to 4 liters of coke zero. I feel bad about drinking so much soda, but it just helps so much with my appetite! :( I try to drink more water than I do soda but some days it just doesn’t turn out that way. I wouldn’t say I’m addicted, but I’m definitely dependent on it for getting through restricting. So much soda can’t be healthy right, but neither is this disorder!
I look fat in my wedding dress
/u/starvingbride
Created: Wed May 9 09:44:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6zj5/i_look_fat_in_my_wedding_dress/
---
So I’m getting married next April. This past weekend I found the perfect dress. It’s a size 8 and a little tight but I know I can lose enough weight the ~healthy~ way (realistically probably only 5 pounds) but it triggered something in me and now here I am.
I look fat in the photos my friend took. Most of them are candid and my belly is HUGE. I’m at a perfectly healthy weight for my height (5’5” 145lb) but I fucking hate those pictures. I’m happy I don’t have to pay for any major alterations but I never wanted to be a fat bride. Which is what I will be if something doesn’t change.
I haven’t restricted in 6ish years, but now I am. I’m sad that I’m here but even more scared to look fat on my wedding day. (But those pictures look awful and I can’t look like that on my wedding day)
[Discussion] DAE sometimes worry that eating healthy will make them feel worse?
/u/Livefreechloe
Created: Wed May 9 09:39:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6y4c/dae_sometimes_worry_that_eating_healthy_will_make/
---
I get anxiety sometimes when working to change my diet (24F,) feeling as if I'm so malnourished that healthy foods could make me sick. Foods/supplements with Vitamin B tend to give me the shakes and inevitable anxiety that follows so I try to stay away from them. I feel so uninformed about my own health and body, and nutrition in general. I'd appreciate any comments, stories, or resource suggestions you have to offer.
Vegetarian Ketoers with ED?
/u/supemery
Created: Wed May 9 09:34:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6wnu/vegetarian_ketoers_with_ed/
---
Ok so this is dumb but I was driving today and I saw a cow licking another cow and they looked so sweet. I’m doing keto so I eat a lot of meat. I was once a vegetarian for a few years and I was like, I should stop eating meat but I still want to do keto. Then I thought about vegetarian ketoers and I realized that would be a really good way to restrict because you can’t eat like anything. Am I wrong here? Does anyone have experience with this??
Has anyone ever tried freezing off fat with ice packs?
/u/ivankatrumpsaltacct
Created: Wed May 9 09:23:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6tm8/has_anyone_ever_tried_freezing_off_fat_with_ice/
---
Like DIY CoolScupting? I have read into it and although many plastic surgeons say it won't work for one reason or another, I have found some anecdotal evidence that it may work. This http://fellrnr.com/wiki/CoolSculpting is a guy that froze half his stomach and left the other half alone. Years later, he still has a noticeable indent where he applied the ice.
This https://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/03/12/30-minute-ice-packs-could-be-key-to-burning-away-body-fat-say-sc/ is an article I found that says applying ice packs for 30 minutes converts white fat to 'beige' fat (which has more mitochondria and burns more calories--and is easier to get rid of).
I have been applying ice packs to my body and have found that you can get your fat to a low temperature just by applying ice wrapped in a plastic bag for 60-90 minutes. The fat stays cold to the touch for several hours. For CoolSculpting, it takes several weeks for the dead fat cells to be metabolized so I'm going to keep going for a few months. I'll let you guys now if it works for spot reduction or not.
This Helped Me A Lot! I Found This Free Bulletproof Weight Loss Cheat Booklet And Wanted To Share It. Hope This Helps! :)
/u/Gugubon
Created: Wed May 9 08:58:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6mfu/this_helped_me_a_lot_i_found_this_free/
---
https://www.breaultfitness.com/landing-page/
[Discussion] What is one thing you love about yourself?
/u/handzies
Created: Wed May 9 08:56:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6m4v/what_is_one_thing_you_love_about_yourself/
---
Or a favorite aspect of your body? Something you can see improving and enjoy? Something you look forward to seeing in yourself?
I love my shoulders and neck, I feel like they are one part of me that is always okay and only gets better! This is very 2007 Ana Tumblr of me, but I'm excited about hitting my goal weight in about 12 pounds and wearing whatever I want!
I also love my constant state of optimism! And humour. I think I'm good at De-escalating situations.
Please take a moment to gloat on yourself!
How many of y'all work in health care/medical field?
/u/Atsugaruru
Created: Wed May 9 08:46:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6j5y/how_many_of_yall_work_in_health_caremedical_field/
---
I'm in medical school, veterinary medical school. One of my classes next semester is nutrition and that's gonna be fun. We're preparing for the class now this semester in biochem, and the professor keeps talking about metabolic and nutritional disorders and how common it is to develop them after going on "crash" and "fad" diets. He keeps emphasizing the importance of not starving yourself and I literally die during every class, lmao.
What about you guys? Obviously I should "know better" because I'm in medical school, but try telling that to my fucked up relationship with food.
[Other] I set my livestrong daily calorie goal to maintenance (Tip/Goal)
/u/kitschyliepard
Created: Wed May 9 08:39:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6h86/i_set_my_livestrong_daily_calorie_goal_to/
---
I was getting really stressed about the red and green and trying to calculate what my actual calorie deficit was, given they really only show you how much you went over or under your "goal intake".
Now I know if the day is green I'm losing, and if the day is red it's a gain. I'm going to try not to stress over the pace of my weight loss as much and just see the green as progress and red as a step back. And at the end of the week, the number they show will be closer to actual deficit/overshoot so it'll be easier for me to see exactly how much I'd ultimately lose/gain if fluctuation water retention wasn't a factor.
I've been doing this for nearly a week and it has honestly helped with my anxiety in terms of tracking. I don't think I'm eating any more or less than I was before on average, but having a clearer big picture has helped me feel less stressed over it.
[Other] Proud of myself
/u/thinning_bones
Created: Wed May 9 08:23:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6d78/proud_of_myself/
---
Yesterday I bought a shit ton of fruit. (A bag of apples, a bag or oranges, a bunch of organic bananas, two grapefruits, a lemon, two mangos) only for 13$ and I’m also going to the gym every day!!! these are the biggest and best steps I made towards losing weight in such a long time. I’m going to attempt to go vegan, and keep working out and eat as little as possible and know when to stop when I do. I’m ready to kick my fatass self to the curb and make myself into a completely different person!!
[Rant/Rave] My mom told me my legs were fat today
/u/HappinessIsClose
Created: Wed May 9 08:13:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i6agy/my_mom_told_me_my_legs_were_fat_today/
---
I’ve been seriously struggling with EDNOS for the past two years. Used to be a BMI 19, these days I’m a BMI 24 and have been “trying” to go back. I’m either restricting or binging— no in between.
I’ve always been insecure about my legs, no matter what my weight is at the time. I have an unusual fat distribution, where even when I’m thinner my legs carry more weight than the rest of my body. I’ve always hated it.
I figured I’d try to love myself today, I don’t know. Thought I’d treat myself now like I’d treat myself at a lower weight, because that’s one of the first steps to recovery, right? I’m just exhausted with this struggle, and I want to get better. So I wore a dress to school today. It shows off my legs, just above my knee down. I was scared, but I felt beautiful. Felt like I could do this.
Then she told me my legs were fat
Menstruation + Gender Dysphoria = complete loss of appetite
/u/jholtz27
Created: Wed May 9 07:59:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i66hf/menstruation_gender_dysphoria_complete_loss_of/
---
Is it bad that Im kinda happy about this?
I feel so horrible about my body in so many ways that I've finally been able to stop a massive binge cycle that Ive been going through. I feel so distracted by hating everything about my body that food has little to no appeal to me. I'm so unhappy, yet this feels like a small victory somehow.
EDs are weird.
[Rant/Rave] Smoking on the Swings
/u/tastefuldebauchery
Created: Wed May 9 07:12:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i5v7i/smoking_on_the_swings/
---
Friend spent the night this weekend. At one point we went for a smoke on the swings and she threw up.
I’m patiently waiting for the deli to open so I can have a few bites on one specific sandwich before I shake spiral. I’ve got two hours.
Decided to go smoke on the swings- I guess I should be okay until then, now.
On the way in- I caught my reflection and I looked okay.
Today is weird and I hate it already.
My teacher noticed my weight loss!
/u/stickytonvue
Created: Wed May 9 07:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i5ucs/my_teacher_noticed_my_weight_loss/
---
guys, i don’t even know how to explain how happy i am! she called me over to talk about a missing assignment and asked, “have you lost weight? you look so tiny!” i’m so happy, but at the same time i feel bad because i’m not thin at all so i must’ve been huge earlier..
DAE wake up like half a pound heavier than the morning before... and just go back to bed until it's gone?
/u/crochetyhooker
Created: Wed May 9 07:09:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i5uco/dae_wake_up_like_half_a_pound_heavier_than_the/
---
[Discussion] Does anyone else replace food with alcohol?
/u/PinkyOutYo
Created: Wed May 9 07:05:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i5tc4/does_anyone_else_replace_food_with_alcohol/
---
The day was going so so well. Work was fun as usual, I actually went out on a (tiny) limb with a guy which I don't do but I was trying to be mature about the situation.
But then something changed. I don't even know what. The atmosphere changed. And all I wanted to do was go to Tesco, get a meal deal and a giant bag of popcorn and eat it in the bathroom for the inevitable purge. In fact, i probably didnt even want to eat, just purge. I've been restricting for the last 4 days and I'm loving it. So instead, I'm sitting in a pub at 2pm on a work day downing a huge glass of sauvignon blanc. May even get another one in the half hour I have left for lunch.
I know that alcohol is a hugely destructive factor in my life but for some reason, calories from wine don't seem to duck with me. It's almost a "safe food". My appetite completely disappears when I'm drunk.
Does anyone else replace food with alcohol?
[Discussion] Losing my taste for (artificial) sugar?
/u/thebonemage
Created: Wed May 9 06:49:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i5p8y/losing_my_taste_for_artificial_sugar/
---
Okay, so I've never had a huge sweet tooth. I don't like most candy, I really only like chocolate. I've always loved stuff like pop tarts and frosting. But recently I've been having weird experiences eating certain foods.
At my friends baby shower, there was a cookie cake with frosting. I don't really like cookies that much, and I was giving myself a free day because it was my best friend's party. So I decided to scrape the frosting off and eat it. Omg, it was almost instantaneous. I was disgusted. The frosting tasted all chemical and was so overpoweringly sweet I nearly puked on the spot. I couldn't get the taste out of my mouth. Apparently everyone thought it was too sweet, but no one had a reaction like I did.
More recently, I was eating a pop tart, just to get the damn things out of my house (I do the shopping so, as long as I don't pull a stupid, I'm good). And it started out all fine and dandy, but the more I ate, the more I started to notice that same chemical taste. And they tasted sweeter and sweeter. I was relieved when I finished them to not have to eat any more.
Now, quick disclaimer. I'm highly sensitive to tastes. I've also never liked the taste of things like stevia. (if anyone has some actually sweet and non chemical tasting no cal sweeteners, please tell me. I need to sweeten my tea). But this has all seemed different. I've always liked these foods before.
I'm wondering if my restricting and not eating as much processed food and artificially sweetened things has started to make me actually find the taste unpleasant. Sort of like how long time vegans describe meat they used to love smelling revolting to them now.
I don't seem to have a reaction to things that are sweetened with like, normal sugar, or things that are naturally sweet. I have no issue with fruit or juice or chocolate. Just processed or artificial stuff. Has this happened to any of you?
Thoughts on that study which suggested taking 'diet breaks' aids weight loss? (Bio/med people opinions especially appreciated!)
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Wed May 9 06:20:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i5imr/thoughts_on_that_study_which_suggested_taking/
---
Maybe this would be better on a different subreddit, but can't really be arsed with people being judgemental based on my post history.
There was [this](https://blog.myfitnesspal.com/taking-break-from-diet-lose-more-weight/) post on the myfitnesspal blog which cited [this](https://www.nature.com/articles/ijo2017206) study, which basically suggested that taking breaks from your diet improves long-term weight loss. The participants were still on calorie restricted diets during the breaks, just not *as* restricted.
I've basically been led to believe in the past few years that starvation mode is essentially a myth, and that what people think of as starvation mode is actually just TDEE decreasing with weight, so I was wondering what people's thoughts were on this study (which I admittedly haven't properly read) and whether it's counter-evidence to that idea. I mean, it was conducted specifically on obese men, so I figure maybe it's not generalizable to people outside of that group, but it's still interesting nonetheless. Probably worth noting that I know relatively very little about biology/medicine, so a digestible explanation if possible would be appreciated.
(Sorry if I've gotten some of the formatting wrong on this post!)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 09, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 9 06:12:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i5gsx/daily_food_diary_may_09_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 09, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday May 09, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 9 06:11:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i5gmx/way_to_go_wednesday_may_09_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for May 09, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Intro] no more (+ intro)
/u/crisisconvertible
Created: Wed May 9 05:55:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i5d3k/no_more_intro/
---
long time lurker first time poster
ive struggled with an ED for 10 years (am 21 now). Anorexic ages 11-15, bulimic 15-19, recovered 19-a few months ago. I recently developed digestive issues that make eating very painful for me.
During recovery i got up to my all time highest weight (63kg at 170cm). This illness dropped me down to 55.5 lowest. I felt such a rush dropping down to that weight. I wanted more. This illness makes me vomit involuntarily, triggering a relapse into my bulimia.
I can eat what i want if i just throw up right?
Except, ive recently not been throwing up as much. Ive just been bingeing. Ive shot back up to 58kg, and ive never been more disgusted in myself.
So. Here i am.
No more bingeing. No more weight gain.
The great thing about being chronically ill is it will be the perfect excuse. I just have to stop myself from shovelling food into my mouth. Wish me luck babes.
Thinspo sources
/u/HonestRaspberry
Created: Wed May 9 05:46:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i5bcm/thinspo_sources/
---
Anyone like to watch kpop shows or asian shows for thinspo? Like those girls are so freakin pretty and skinny. I check their profiles on their companies and most of them are underweight. Especially momo, IU and Lisa are so damn thin and pretty.
[Rant/Rave] I ate half and pumpkin pie (Suicidal TW)
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Wed May 9 05:28:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i57l0/i_ate_half_and_pumpkin_pie_suicidal_tw/
---
And I started the assisted suicide debate on MPA and I am not being nice and people seem to be so shocked that someone who is suicidal is not thinking clearly.
Like FFS, chill.
[Rant/Rave] FINALLY
/u/Dylanrose669
Created: Wed May 9 04:58:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i51z9/finally/
---
I am finally under 200 lbs! Ahh! 50 lbs in 3 months. I am so so happy! This is the first time in my adult life I've been under 200. (Sorry... no where else to share this without getting talked down to!)One of my "friends" If you lose 60 lbs (I told my friend I only wanna lose 60 more for 130ish and she said No guy wants bones. Like nope... I have a fiancé who loves me, and 130 isn't that... stop it girl. Just no. Haha sorry for the mini rant.
98 lbs to go!
Height: 5'2- 5'3
Sw: 368
Cw: 198.8
Gw: 175
Ugw: 101.0 or 110 idk.
Thanks! If anyone wants to add me on fit bit or samsung health shoot me a pm!
My fitness pal: dylanrose669
Lowest weight since 2006 o.O
/u/Kitten_in_a_teacup
Created: Wed May 9 04:57:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i51s2/lowest_weight_since_2006_oo/
---
Still overweight (BMI 26) but holy shit. I weight the same as I did in 11th grade! Down almost 70 pounds since October 2017. I have basically no one to tell in real life and this isn't exactly fit for r/loseit given my methods, so...here I am.
Normal BMI here I come!
It's come full circle
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Wed May 9 03:57:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i4rbt/its_come_full_circle/
---
My eating disorder started about 5 years ago. In the same week I found out my partner of a year had cheated on me the whole relationship and a good friend and housemate committed suicide. At the time I had started dieting and was a little big. This went into full swing when these things happened and I ended up in therapy and was very underweight. I've been okay for two years with occasional fasts and restrictive periods. These last two months two of my good friends have died. One of an overdose and another from suicide and I'm spiraling out of control but I also want to. I want to be super thin again. I'm 115 lbs today. I was 120 last week. I've eaten a few hundred calories in 5 or 6 days. I don't want to be really sick again but I also do. I want to be in control again. It takes the focus off the pain I feel. I feel productive again. I'm due to start on adhd meds which surpress my appetite so I need to get it under control but I can't :(
[Help] Question for those who purge - is this normal? What's your experience?
/u/TertiaryWings
Created: Wed May 9 01:18:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i424z/question_for_those_who_purge_is_this_normal_whats/
---
So I purged for ed purposes for the first time Saturday. I haven't done it since.
This was preceded by a pattern of low restriction of about 400 calories that is consumed after a full 48 hours of fasting, in a repetitive cycle for 3 weeks.
Ever since my first purging, I have felt intense nausea and the urge to vomit after eating something whether it's a big or small meal or snack, with the exception of oatmeal animal crackers. I have vomited, unprovoked, 2 or 3 times since Saturday.
Is this normal? Is this psychosomatic? Because I didn't want to purge again. Or is this my ed taking over me? I'm starting to get scared.
[Tip] any advice tips with using prescription diuretics?
/u/momentofmytime
Created: Wed May 9 01:05:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i3zte/any_advice_tips_with_using_prescription_diuretics/
---
I tend to bloat from all the sodium I drink so i’ve been taking a prescription diuretic for it , any tips /tricks w using diuretics?
[Intro] I think I experienced dysmorphia for the first time... Also an intro I guess
/u/thebonemage
Created: Wed May 9 00:54:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i3xw6/i_think_i_experienced_dysmorphia_for_the_first/
---
So, this is my first time posting on here. Not using my main, because my mom follows me. I've been lurking though. I'm 19, recently developed what I think is ednos, leaning towards anorexia. Currently I run a tumblr for my ed and the like, and the only people irl that know are my boyfriend's step-brother (who is anorexic and bulimic) and a friend that I trust won't tell anyone about it.
I've never *liked* my body. But I was always skinny and very much appreciated that to some extent. But I always got this combination of people telling me I was too thin, trying to buy me food, make me eat, kids spreading rumors I was anorexic (even though I wasn't back then) and being told how other people envied how skinny I was, how could I eat so much and stay so tiny. It... Fucked with me. Honestly. I didn't know whether I wanted to gain weight or stay skinny forever.
Now, I eventually did gain weight. And at first I was really happy, I finally wasn't so skinny people tried to force feed me cheeseburgers, and everyone in my life seemed... Generally proud of me? But then... My size 0 jeans didn't fit. And my grandmother commented on the fact I'd gained weight. How I was prettier before. I went up 5 pants' sizes in less than 6 months. Which for me was.... Unheard of. It terrified me. My favorite clothes didn't fit, I could feel my thighs rub as I walked for the first time in my life. I was horrified.
It was around then that it started. I tried cutting out unhealthy foods, I tried to avoid fast food, I started looking into diets, maybe trying to exercise more. Then it clicked. Just stop eating. Do your research, don't be stupid and die. But just.... Stop gorging on so much gross food you really only eat because other people think it's weird you don't like.
It just got.... Worse? Better? Easier? I don't know. From there. But I'd never... I'd never looked in the mirror and known what I was seeing had to be a lie, a figment of my imagination. But damn did I believe the mirror. I was FAT. I looked like a droopy rectangle with legs. I was mortified, standing in my bathroom alone. I couldn't bear to look at myself. Was I experiencing dysmorphia? I honestly don't know, I've never had an experience like it. All I know is it has solidified my need to get skinny. I need to be the thin one again. I need my bones to hold up my clothes. I need the hickies my boyfriend leaves on my shoulders to last a week. I need to be so light he can pick me up without hurting himself. I need to be a size 0. I need to be that girl again. It has to happen. I can't deal with any other outcome.
University and anorexia
/u/UniversityStudent12
Created: Wed May 9 00:10:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i3qp4/university_and_anorexia/
---
Unfortunately the study detailed below will not go ahead, I am unable to gain consent from the forum moderators. Thank you so much for your time and support.
I wish you all well.
Diane
\<blockquote class="reddit\-card" data\-card\-created="1525846185"\>\<a href="[https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gk2iu/university\_and\_anorexia/](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gk2iu/university_and_anorexia/)"\>university and anorexia\</a\> from \<a href="[http://www.reddit.com/r/proED](http://www.reddit.com/r/proED)"\>r/proED\</a\>\</blockquote\>
\<script async src="[//embed.redditmedia.com/widgets/platform.js](//embed.redditmedia.com/widgets/platform.js)" charset="UTF\-8"\>\</script\>
[Other] ED and comedy, a book by a drag queen.
/u/KMH039
Created: Tue May 8 23:31:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i3k0k/ed_and_comedy_a_book_by_a_drag_queen/
---
So Willam Belli has a book called "Suck less" and there's a chapter in it called "Suck less at food."
It's an amazing chapter (in an equally amazing book) that details loads of things Willam has learned while living with an eating disorder. It's not recovery based, it is in no way "here's my struggle and how I got better". It's funny, relatable, and even has a load of great tips for anyone and everyone.
I just thought you guys would like to know about it, and I have no problem plugging a book for an entertainer I really enjoy.
Period weight gain (I think) but no period
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Tue May 8 23:28:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i3jeo/period_weight_gain_i_think_but_no_period/
---
I'm so frustrated. I randomly managed to gain 8lbs in the past 10ish days plus I've been feeling crampy and irritable \(period alerttt\) but I still haven't gotten it and I'm starting to get paranoid that I'm just getting fat lol. Ugh.
[Rant/Rave] Just spent 2 hours looking at a menu
/u/nchlaz
Created: Tue May 8 23:16:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i3h7v/just_spent_2_hours_looking_at_a_menu/
---
Going [here ](https://blackcoffeeandwaffle.com/waffles/) tomorrow. Wasn’t even caring about the calories, I’ll just make it my omad. But the pressure to spend all that $$ and to have it be my only meal, I wanted it to be perfect. I think I’ve finally got it lol. Does anyone else do this this intensely??
If anyone’s curious: strawberry cheesecake with chocolate chips and maybe bananas
[Rant/Rave] I am so furious that establishments nationwide are required to have things like this strewn about their restaurants
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Tue May 8 23:08:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i3fly/i_am_so_furious_that_establishments_nationwide/
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https://i.redd.it/fw8os89ljrw01.jpg
The upside of having an ED and constantly fasting...live longer and less likely to develop dementia, Alzheimers, and Parkinsons
/u/thebonefairy
Created: Tue May 8 22:00:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i32lu/the_upside_of_having_an_ed_and_constantly/
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http://www.bbc.com/news/health-44005092
i realize it’ll never make me happy.
/u/chzkayla
Created: Tue May 8 21:34:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i2xa9/i_realize_itll_never_make_me_happy/
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you know how you thought by reaching your goal weight you would be happier? or if you lost your first 22lbs you’ll be happier? or when you fit into that pair of tights you purposely brought smaller, that you’ll feel happier?
i thought so too, i thought that losing 10kg i’ll be happier. i thought that if i am able to fit that tights that look so fucking small i’ll be happier.
but nope, i don’t feel an inch happier, i feel like crap, i feel like shit for not seeing it, i get pissed when people tell me how much weight i lost, or when they tell me to eat.
everything fucking sets me off and all i want to do is to be left alone so that nobody sees me and talk about my weight. talking about my weight annoys me so fucking much because i can never see it despite having pictures to compare.
i pick on every single flaw on my body, i can’t see my ribs, i can’t see my hip bone, my arms jiggle, i don’t dare to wear shorts to the gym because of the thought of my fats jiggling whole i run.
i feel like my entire existence is based solely on the fact that i want to be skinny, my mood for the entire week is dependent on how much i weigh on monday. weigh 114lbs? fast for 3 days or more. weigh 110lbs? ok maybe you can have a meal a day. and without this, i don’t know how to exist.
i don’t know who to talk about this to, because i am not skinny, and i don’t even know if i have an eating disorder. some days i know that i have an issue, other days i insist that i’m too fat to have an eating disorder.
[Help] Ate a bag of gummies with sugar alcohol
/u/tobethinspo
Created: Tue May 8 21:18:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i2tyi/ate_a_bag_of_gummies_with_sugar_alcohol/
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Ahhh. So I bought a bag of gummies with maltitol \(a sugar alcohol\) and ate the whole thing, knowing they have a strong laxative effect. Assuming the bag is correct I just ate 70 grams of it and my stomach is cramping like no one's business. It says on the bag that total maltitol consumption is not recommended to exceed 85\-100 grams, but I'm a small person. Am I going to be okay? Any advice on making this any easier on myself?
Tldr; I hate myself and I'm going to shit liquid, help?
[Goal] I have 10 pounds to lose in (ideally) 4 weeks
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Tue May 8 20:19:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i2gqs/i_have_10_pounds_to_lose_in_ideally_4_weeks/
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Weigh in is 6/2nd (weight restrictive sport) I need some help or sort of encouragement to not fuck this up.
For context, I’m a little under 200lbs so in my head losing ten pounds so soon isn’t completely unobtainable.
Sorry if this isn’t allowed. I tried scrolling through the rules and might’ve misinterpreted something
[Discussion] "SlimCado" or biggest f#cking avocado?
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Tue May 8 19:54:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i2bfm/slimcado_or_biggest_fcking_avocado/
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https://i.redd.it/8wbcnzm1lqw01.jpg
[Other] not what i expected...
/u/clemintide
Created: Tue May 8 19:49:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i2a2n/not_what_i_expected/
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i had just gotten out of the shower and was standing in front of the mirror, routinely assessing all the problems with my body, pinching at my fat, sucking my stomach in and out, the usual... i turn around and look over my shoulder at my back, hmm what’s that strange dark spot? IT WAS A TIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bingeing??
/u/sunips
Created: Tue May 8 19:34:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i26q1/bingeing/
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How does anyone deal with gaining weight after losing a ton???? Like I've gained back the 20lbs I lost because of stress bingeing and I cry every day about how much I hate my body but I just don't want to stop?? Not eating is so hard, and the thought of having to lose that 20lbs AGAIN and lose another 30lb to get to my UGW makes me want to hide in bed and eat lol.
Checking out model's Instagrams and vlogs used to get me motivated and keep me from eating, and now it just makes me feel worse ://
(Also hey I've been following this subreddit for a hella long time but finally got the courage to actually post)
Haven't got my period in forever... what about you guys?
/u/ekwater
Created: Tue May 8 19:29:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i25hd/havent_got_my_period_in_forever_what_about_you/
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I haven't had my period in 8-9 months... it's not like my BMI is super super low and I've been trying to more or less maintain my weight for much of that time...
Have any of you here lost your periods? If so, at what BMI/for how long?
(I had bloodwork done and everything came back normal but that was a few months ago and I'm debating whether to go back).
Daily Fail?
/u/kooraloo
Created: Tue May 8 19:25:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i24hg/daily_fail/
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So Monday I was crabby and got a 12 pack of donuts to b/p. I mangled to control myself (how??) and stopped after two.... today, I opened up the pack to find that they were all extremely moldy on the bottom. What does my dumbass do? Eat all 9 then purge them. Hope I don't get sick 🙃🙃🙃 I feel so sick and so disgusting.
Anyone else have a daily fail?
Family tradition
/u/gravey-foreva
Created: Tue May 8 19:23:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i246o/family_tradition/
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To start with, I was officially diagnosed with anorexia at the age of 18 although the struggle began 8 years prior at the tender age of 10. I’m not 26.
Recently, my 14 yo sister was admitted into hospital for anorexia. I don’t get to see her much because I live in a different state so I had no idea just how bad she was, but I’d been telling our mother for YEARS that I thought there may be something going on which she totally ignored. I noticed it in my sister because I had been there. Her long long road to recovery is only beginning, and there are confirmed permanent damage to her heart. My heart is absolutely breaking for her. I talk to her every single day and give her so much positive reinforcement because, she nearly died from her ED.
BUT ... I’ve been triggered. Through all of this I have downloaded a calorie counting app, have lowered my daily cal to 500, and started weighing and measuring myself... I just don’t know why! I helped myself when I turned 18 by seeking professional help and went straight into recovery and didn’t look back; Although there were hurdles along the way. But the past month its begun again.
I actually came into reddit for positive motivation to keep going, cut back on more calories, and see some beautiful thinspo and now I’m writing my dirty secret on a forum. What the actual fuck is wrong with me?!
I can’t help it. Bones are beautiful.
Had an awesome day till I made it back home at 7.
/u/inlovewithyourmother
Created: Tue May 8 19:21:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i23jw/had_an_awesome_day_till_i_made_it_back_home_at_7/
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Only had 100 calories till 7 pm but I was starving all day. When I finally come home and see food I break down and eat what genuinely feels like 1,000 calories. I guess I used all my discipline too early in the day. Going to try to have something small earlier tomorrow. Still sucks. I have to get up at 6 again tomorrow but I want to go to the gym and spend three hours on the treadmill.
I feel so hopeless because I don't know if I'll ever be able to control my binge eating.
/u/ithinkimightbecray
Created: Tue May 8 19:17:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i22nw/i_feel_so_hopeless_because_i_dont_know_if_ill/
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Title pretty much says it. I've been binging everyday, multiple times a day, for the past week or so. Everything hurts. I'm up 20lbs on the scale, and I'm about to be back in the 200's again. My ankles hurt and my foot goes numb after I walk for more than twenty minutes. My heart is constantly racing and I have heart burn all the time. I try to restrict to make up for my binge eating, but every single night, I crack. I can ignore and ignore and fight the urges and feelings all day, but every single night I end up at the gas station buying ice cream and cookies. It's so frustrating and I honestly feel like I'm a huge failure and I'll never have control of my eating ever again. I feel like I need therapy, but why should anyone waste their time on me when I can't help myself? OH and I'm moving abroad in two weeks, so I can't start therapy right now even if I were ready to stop wallowing in my own self hatered and pitty.
Just a small vent/rant.
[Goal] Started my new full time job in retail. Fasted for 20 hours.. whoops 🤗
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Tue May 8 19:03:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1z9i/started_my_new_full_time_job_in_retail_fasted_for/
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It’s so easy to forget to eat and my bf has no idea if I’m eating while at work or not
Not ED Related But I Wonder How Many Of You Had This Problem When Deleting or Limiting Social Media
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Tue May 8 18:43:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1uha/not_ed_related_but_i_wonder_how_many_of_you_had/
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So aside from Reddit, I'm off the grid. No Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Kik, Instagram, nada. And when I deleted them, all of my "friends" stopped talking to me altogether. Those who didn't, my contact was limited because I'm not a big texter nor do I hang out much due to responsibilities. This turned into those who had contact with me accusing me of being flakey suddenly. Like I never hung out with them because I take care of my fiance's grandmother whose had two strokes. That's my rent. I also have a dog I care for. So I would make plans and set it all up but every time I did, last minute things would keep me from being able to drive 45 minutes here or an hour there because I'd have to be close to home for his grandmother (fiance works until late nights). None of that mattered until I deleted my Facebook and suddenly everyone accused me of never hanging out.
But like ???? It's always been this way where once in a blue moon I'd be able to go for extended amounts of time.
Anyone else have similar experiences?
[Intro] Hello
/u/QueenOfAwfulChoices
Created: Tue May 8 18:37:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1t6v/hello/
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Hello. Been browsing some Reddit subs and made an account to post here because it looks so supportive. And thought I should introduce myself. I’m 31/F. Guessing on the older side for this sub? But I really don’t feel my age... Been struggling with weight and body image issues for ~20 years now. I have probably gained and lost 40 lbs about 10 times in those 20 years. I have a history of self harm. And going through a rough period again.
Technically my BMI is healthy. But gahhhh... I feel so fat in the middle of a healthy BMI. So I’ve been restricting/fasting aggressively (and successfully) for a bit to get back to a lower weight. I broke a fast today and binged so hard my stomach hurts. I know this happened because I got busy and missed electrolytes today. I tried (and failed) to purge (probably for the best) so I’m starting a fast.
I don’t know why but I’m fixated on losing another 15lbs by a trip to visit family in June. Even at my highest (still healthy BMI) weight, my family makes comments about me being too thin (but my boobs being too large??). So I know I’ll get shit for losing weight... but I guess I also feel like I need to be thinner so I’ll feel better about myself before I see them.
I don’t know why... I thought these feelings would naturally go away with age. I feel too old to still be struggling with this. And I also feel like I’m still stuck at a much younger mental age. Everyone I know is getting married, buying houses, having kids. And I can’t even imagine having a life like that. Prob going to live alone with my cats in an apt forever (I always “joke” that my crazy can’t handle roommates, let alone SOs).
So... I don’t know if this even qualifies as an ED. I’m terrified to mention it to my therapist (who I see for an anxiety disorder). But I felt compelled to share with someone because the pleasure I get from fasting feels a lot like the pleasure I got from cutting. Apparently I’m smart enough to recognize that as a bad sign but dumb enough to want to fast anyway 🙄
From looking at fasting subs, it seems like that pleasure is pretty common. So that gives me some (probably false) hope that my fasting isn’t as detrimental as cutting. But I’m pretty sure my approach and goals don’t align with most of the people on those subs.
So... this might have been an overshare without a point. But I’ve been relating to a lot on this sub and figured I should introduce myself since I’ve been lurking. Hi everyone!
[Tip] Tips for Keto diets?
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Tue May 8 18:36:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1svs/tips_for_keto_diets/
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I'm finding it so hard to find foods low in carbs that are within budget, I want to try it out and see how I feel, because I heard it helps with bipolar and (of course) weight loss. Any meal plans, snacks, tips would help!!
How to purge correctly?
/u/LeeLeWitch
Created: Tue May 8 18:24:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1ps4/how_to_purge_correctly/
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I ate a shit ton of icecream and I tried to get it out, it's my first time purging but I thought I knew what I was doing. I just stuck two fingers down my throat and tried for about 30 minutes but nothing. I always felt like I was rly close, but I never got there. Am I doing something wrong? I felt my uvula so I don't think I need to go deeper but I'm not sure.
Guilt is eating at me
/u/Careabella
Created: Tue May 8 18:22:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1pap/guilt_is_eating_at_me/
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No pun intended. But I have only been allowing myself to eat once every 24 hours for the past 4 days or so. It feels really good. But when I finally break and allow myself to eat I feel so horrible and guilty that I want to just kms. It’s ridiculous because I am not even eating much. Tonight I had about a quarter of a salad with grilled chicken and a piece of garlic cheese bread. I cannot stop thinking about it. If I hadn’t broken I could be skinnier. If I could be strong I would be pretty and thin in no time. I’ve never purged before but I feel like I’m going to throw up without even forcing myself. The disgust I feel with myself is so strong. I don’t know how I ended up this way.
[Rant/Rave] Self control?
/u/bunnygorl
Created: Tue May 8 18:16:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1nxh/self_control/
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I don’t kno her !!! I hAvent been eating much and I went most of my day without eating anything bc work. Got home went on a 20 min run got home and ate around 4 pm ...... I wasn’t supposed to eat more than 4 ritz, 1 slice of cheese, and 1 slice(?) of ham. I ended up eating 12 ritz, 3 slices of cheese, 3 slices of ham AND a raspberry filled donut ....... now I’m waiting for my parents to like go outside or smthn so I can purge and shower in peace. I feel so gross and fat and I’m :/ bc i KNO my bf like skinny girls with a booty n tiddies but here I am .... 5’5 and 140 lbs ...... flat booty n ugly tiddies TT last time I weighed myself I was 136 but uh .... I’m pretty sure I gained weight and now I want a chocolate donut but I gotta try n not to eat .... I didn’t want to eat at all today but my mom has been super sus since she thinks I’m recovering but I got a long ways to go to get to my goal weight ... I just wanna be 100lbs .... just 40 more lbs u kno :)
Day 4 of the warrior diet (aka 20/4 fasting)
/u/Fatalope
Created: Tue May 8 18:04:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1kzc/day_4_of_the_warrior_diet_aka_204_fasting/
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It's going really well. I am peeing a whole lot more the. Usual but so far I lost 3 pounds (out of the 6 I gained from a families baby shower 😤)
I just need to loose 26 pounds now by June 9th so I won't look like a land whale.
[Help] Tips to stop purging?
/u/megamorphaseez
Created: Tue May 8 17:57:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1jc0/tips_to_stop_purging/
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Was wondering if anyone has tips on how they rationalize to themselves to not purge. I'm not a binge-purge person, I eat a regular meal and then I throw it up because I wanna keep my calorie intake low and I get concerned. But after a puke I always start to fear my heart couldn't take it that time, I sometimes start to over heat, start to feel dizzy, it's not easy puking. I know some people end up getting good at puking but it's been 5 years and it still wears me out. I recently came clean to my mom who now monitors me after meals but I can't calm down about the calories I'm eating. Idk any tips? Anything? Aghhh
[Rant/Rave] I wish I could control myself
/u/okaycell
Created: Tue May 8 17:55:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1isy/i_wish_i_could_control_myself/
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Hi! This is my first post! I have no one to turn to about this stuff, and usually I just lurk and never post at all. But god today was just too much and I need to yell a little. I feel disgusting and I just want to cry. I feel as if I can’t walk without denting my floor.
I’ve been 20 days binge free until today. 20 days in control. I was trying so hard but something just snapped after I finished my physics exam. I felt so out of control and dumb despite putting in my best efforts, and now I feel even more out of control and awful. I can usually manage to persuade myself to stop and eat some fruit instead, or sleep, or anything other than give in, but this whole week has been too stressful and I lost it. It’s only Tuesday, and I have two more of these high-stress days. If I repeat this I might die.
I ate 2,000+ calories today. Probably 2,500? I don’t want to attempt to count. Just thinking about it hurts. The food didn’t even taste good. I just wanted to eat and I couldn’t stop.
I hit my goal weight of 95 this morning. And this is how I ‘celebrate’. By making myself feel like garbage. I haven’t felt this hopeless in a while. Even though this is only one day, and there’s always tomorrow, I still feel as if I ruined all my progress. I just want to feel relaxed again
Lost weight while drinking diet soda?
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Tue May 8 17:40:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1f1q/lost_weight_while_drinking_diet_soda/
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Hi, I bought diets soda for one of the first times today... even ordered it at a resturant. Will it make me gain??? I've never seen someone thin drinking it... idk I'm so confused
Excuses
/u/PM-ME-CORGIS
Created: Tue May 8 16:41:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i1119/excuses/
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https://i.redd.it/ew45b16mmpw01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I can't deal with being fat anymore
/u/JoelleBirch
Created: Tue May 8 16:21:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i0w16/i_cant_deal_with_being_fat_anymore/
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I hate myself. I have BED and it's so stupid. At this point in my life I'd rather die than stay this weight. I've been restricting for about a month now and only down 8 lbs. I see everyone post that they are down 20-30 lbs in 2 months and I doubt I'll do that.
Last year I ended up losing 40 lbs and it wasn't where I wanted to be but still a start. And stupid me gained it all back. I get so frustrated thinking I'll never be skinny and pretty and that frustration leads to binging. I figure if I'm going to stay fat then it doesn't matter what I eat.
I can't take this anymore. I'm too fat to exist. Someone should just put me down and take my fat self out of this world.
"fasting is sooo hard, you wouldn't understand!"
/u/gothbaseball
Created: Tue May 8 16:19:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i0ve2/fasting_is_sooo_hard_you_wouldnt_understand/
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My best friend fasts for religious reasons. It's not often, just around holidays and stuff. When she fasts, it's only during daylight hours... like it's totally fine to eat when the sun sets.
And she complains nonstop about how hard it is and how I wouldn't understand because obviously I've never fasted. And it's like.... I can't tell her how wrong that is because then she'll try to stop me from fasting so often.
(Note: this is not a post about religion, or even about how my friend is kinda a bitch LOL it's just about how funny it is that she has no idea I fast regularly, for much longer)
[Other] Has anyone here tried the Butter Chicken with Rice from Trader Joe’s?
/u/fatandignored
Created: Tue May 8 16:14:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i0u11/has_anyone_here_tried_the_butter_chicken_with/
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Just realized the weight of the meal and the weight on the nutrition facts is different... I have no idea what to put for calories and now I probably have a way higher calorie count for the day : (
[Rant/Rave] I had a great time at BSMF with my friends but holy SHIT was it triggering.
/u/IsAFailure
Created: Tue May 8 16:00:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i0pyg/i_had_a_great_time_at_bsmf_with_my_friends_but/
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Music festivals obviously have tons of people who attend and my eyes were locked on **every** super-skinny person.
It made me feel so much worse about my body and so jealous over theirs.
[Discussion] Non-food things that make us happy
/u/pailblusea
Created: Tue May 8 15:18:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i0egc/discussion_nonfood_things_that_make_us_happy/
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On mobile, can't flair.
What ways to you treat yourself well besides food?
Mine are:
Hot baths
A good book
Sitting outside in the warmth of spring
Massages
Petting my kitties
Looking for more ideas.
[Tip] Gym Advice
/u/CassCass-
Created: Tue May 8 14:59:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i09c8/gym_advice/
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Hi guys!
I’m just looking for a few answers to a few questions, I hope that’s okay.
1. Any advice for going to the gym alone? I’m obese so I’m nervous but I know I should do it.
2. What workouts are good for a newbie who hasn’t done any excersise at all for a very long time?
3. How many days a week are good to start off with? And how many hours per visit?
I am 222lbs, 5ft 2, 20F and very unfit. I don’t even run. I’m so embarrassed about how unfit I am.
Thanks in advance ❤️
[Rant/Rave] I was doing so well and I ruined it
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Tue May 8 14:42:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i04nn/i_was_doing_so_well_and_i_ruined_it/
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I know this isn't technically ED related but this is the most supportive and understanding community I know, my little family.
I got high last night. On painkillers. I've been sober from benzos for 20 days and my logicked with myself that if I got high on something else it isn't TECHNICALLY relapsing, right? I'm fucking stupid
I'm so sick today. I can't stop throwing up, I keep scratching my face and arms like a fucking methhead, I'm so jittery and shakey, and I'm far too ashamed to tell anyone
I hate myself, I'll never be anything but a worthless pathetic drug addict, I wanna die..
First Time Shirataki Ramen Success!
/u/purplethief
Created: Tue May 8 14:41:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i04d6/first_time_shirataki_ramen_success/
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https://i.redd.it/8wz76gk91pw01.jpg
I have no friends
/u/gradsquests
Created: Tue May 8 14:37:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8i038s/i_have_no_friends/
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When i had a six pack no one knew
Now im working back towards it after some winter laziness and have a four pack but whats the point
Also a guy, and also working 50+ hours a week, also wanted to be toned and altruistic and intelligent and well read and nice but fall flat on it all. Shit
Life was so easy as a kid watching Spongebob wtf
Why do you think you have an ED?
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam
Created: Tue May 8 14:21:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hzyki/why_do_you_think_you_have_an_ed/
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So, when I first told my therapist about my ED, she said it wasn’t because I wanted to lose weight. She thought it was because I needed a sense of control over my life, especially since I’ve always been “the skinny friend.” I grew up being bullied for having a flat chest and no hips (definitely not as bad for me as it was for kids who were bullied for being chubby/fat, though).
I don’t know what made me suddenly want to lose weight again, because for me, it was like I woke up one day and just wanted to lose weight. I stopped eating and started binging and purging. It’s been months. I thought I would snap out of it (I’ve had bouts of restricting before for no apparent reason) but I haven’t.
I think it could be the sense of control. I almost failed two classes last quarter and my home life isn’t the best. I have a really hard time maintaining friendships and people leave me and I can’t stop them.
But if I’m being completely honest, I think it’s because I want attention. I just want people to look at me and think about how skinny I am. I want my bones to pop out when I wear bikinis. I want people to wrap their fingers around my wrists and ask me if I even eat (like they used to). And I hate myself for it. But I can’t stop and it’s so frustrating.
So. What triggered you into an ED?
Coming down off a week long binge - any advice?
/u/honeycomb1991
Created: Tue May 8 14:21:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hzyf1/coming_down_off_a_week_long_binge_any_advice/
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So, I've been doing very well with my weight loss. I've been sticking to between 800 and 1200 calories, and I'm down 35 pounds. Or... I was, until last Tuesday. Idk what the hell happened but for the first time in my life I spiraled down into a **week long** binge - I'm talking fast foood, chips, candy, popcorn. Several thousand calories every single day. I've never binged this badly and I feel like total and absolute shit, I just want to curl up and die I'm so ashamed of myself.
I think I'm finally getting over it, and I'm ready to get back on track so I was wondering what tips you guys might have for getting back to normal, feeling better, stopping this from happening in the future?
[Other] Any other anorexics-turned-bulimics?
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Tue May 8 13:44:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hznyq/any_other_anorexicsturnedbulimics/
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I was a hardcore restricted when I was 14. I only ate 4 days a week, and on the days I did eat, i was not permitted by some broken circuit in my head, to eat more than 500 calories.
I was hospitalized pretty quick and after IP and a few great and terrible traumas, i just couldn't restrict anymore. I occasionally pull off a fats but most days i just binge and purge and binge and purge upwards of five times and it's just exhausting and wasteful and i really miss my old ED.
My official diagnosis shifted from anorexia binge/purge subtype to restrictive bulimia.
It's just so frustrating to think about how "good" i used to be and now i can't control myself around food at all. I eat other people's snacks. I steal chips and stuff. I sit in class stuffing my face.
Four years later and i'm still disordered as fuck but now, it's a whole new beast.
[Intro] another intro post.
/u/wineismybffl
Created: Tue May 8 13:38:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hzm7i/another_intro_post/
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hey.
i’m m - mid 20’s & live somewhere in europe. i hope i’m welcome here.
i have had body issues pretty much my entire life, have had an ed since 17ish years old and have a binge eating problem. looking for support in this strange adventure we call life & also hoping to make friends bc this illness is a lonely one. :<
[Help] urges are driving me insane
/u/cottonlung
Created: Tue May 8 13:19:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hzgs4/urges_are_driving_me_insane/
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just had the insane urge to eat the wrap and/or pasta in my fridge (somehow it went when i was distracted looking at the info for this sub, never happens). disordered eating is one of the things that has ruined my life. impulsive behaviour is probably going to kill me or land me in serious trouble soon.
I don't want to fast.
/u/-mousey-
Created: Tue May 8 13:16:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hzfuj/i_dont_want_to_fast/
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I did an exam today. It actually went very well but I psyche myself out so much for exams that they become an incredibly stressful experience for me.
I told myself I would do a workout afterwards to 'wind down' but I had to stop halfway through because my legs were giving out on the lifts. I've been restricting quite heavily and that, plus the stress, plus the lack of sleep have really taken a toll on my body. I know this. I know there's a limit to what I can feasibly be expected to do and I know the solution is to take the foot off the pedal and cool off...
Instead, I've told myself I have to do at least a three day water fast as punishment. Why? Because I failed at my lifts. Because I ate a graze box of peanuts before my exam to give me a boost and it put me 180 cals over restriction. Because I have a therapy session tomorrow and I don't think I look sick enough on the outside to match my insides. Because I have another exam coming up next week and I'm terrified I'll fuck it up. Because I feel out if control. And because I'm going home to my parents after next week and I want them to see me as a person who cannot be broken or hurt. Not by them and not by anything.
I know fasting makes me sick. I know I feel terrible when I fast. I know that it will make my gym performance even worse. I know from experience that it's not even an effective form of weight loss for me. But I know I will do it because I told myself I need to. Because I can't help it. And I can't stop.
[Rant/Rave] Feeling like a failure
/u/MistrrrOrgasmo
Created: Tue May 8 13:12:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hzep2/feeling_like_a_failure/
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I’ve been on a binge cycle for a while. Things were scary at home with my boyfriend being hospitalised for 5 days with the first signs of kidney failure and I was left alone at home. I ate an entire pie in one night with half a quart of ice cream. I immediately tried to purge but I was so dehydrated it was just impossible.
That’s just been the start of it. Today it’s only 12pm but I’m already over 900 cals and the binge urge is so strong at night. No matter how hard I try to fast or restrict I end up sabotaging myself. I just don’t know what to do to stop it. I’m so exhausted I can never get myself to the gym.
The stupid thing is I feel like I’m failing at my ED. Can’t restrict, can’t purge. Can only get fatter.
Barrel-chest appearance at very low BF%
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Tue May 8 12:40:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hz5e0/barrelchest_appearance_at_very_low_bf/
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Does anyone else get this look when their body fat % becomes extremely low and titties just totally vanish (Lol I would even compare myself to a man in the chest, just something totally non human).
It annoys me soooo much, it’s really difficult to hide and makes me feel much more huge than I actually am!
I will be two months clean from self harm tomorrow but I just binged loads and now I want to cut
/u/lolnerddd
Created: Tue May 8 11:37:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hymg2/i_will_be_two_months_clean_from_self_harm/
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So i really want to make it to two months clean because that will be the longest time being clean in the last 8 years. It has been a struggle but i am very happy and proud. I fasted for nearly 24 hours but i just bought loads of junk food and binge ate all of it and i feel disgusting now. I have never been able to make myself throw up even though i would love nothing more right now. I want to punish myself so bad, how can i stop myself or at least put it off until tomorrow when i hit 2 months?
[Help] Could someone recommend a brand of electrolytes for me?
/u/fatchanceforthin-ice
Created: Tue May 8 11:37:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hymb4/could_someone_recommend_a_brand_of_electrolytes/
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Hey guys I’m working on fasting/heavily restricting until I go to the beach next week. I want to continue doing yoga but sometimes when I’m restricting heavily and workout or do yoga I feel very lightheaded and sick.
I’ve heard that electrolytes and maybe potassium can help with this. Does anyone have a brand that they can recommend to help with the lightheaded/sick feeling? Thanks in advance!!!
[Rant/Rave] last day of my internship and my supervisor wants to get lunch with me. please kill me
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Tue May 8 11:33:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hyl1o/last_day_of_my_internship_and_my_supervisor_wants/
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I totally wasn’t expecting this. I’m 36 hours into a fast and also took an EC stack 3 hours ago so this just fucking ruined everything. why can’t she just give me something to do, I give her her present, and we just part ways
I'm about to drive an hour to whole foods to look at food, probably not buy anything, and then drive an hour back home
/u/Egleriel
Created: Tue May 8 11:23:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hyi5v/im_about_to_drive_an_hour_to_whole_foods_to_look/
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This feels crazy but its just something Im having an impulse to do. I'm tired of browsing Walmart and don't want to go to any other stores... so I pick the only Whole Foods within a reasonable distance...
Has anyone else done something like this? I feel weird and slightly crazy.
“I’d rather have chemicals that calories”
/u/thelonelykitten_
Created: Tue May 8 10:29:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hy2a5/id_rather_have_chemicals_that_calories/
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Girl at work just said this to someone who said that Diet Coke was bad for your. PREACH.
[Rant/Rave] first 20lbs down
/u/69plasticflowers
Created: Tue May 8 10:28:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hy1r1/first_20lbs_down/
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well, 20.5lbs down. so proud of myself! only 17lbs left til my gw :\)
[Rant/Rave] Binge and purge
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Tue May 8 10:21:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hxztb/binge_and_purge/
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I had my first legitimate binge and purge session last night. I still feel like the worst human alive. Purging has always been a part of my ed but not binging.
I feel awful today. I have the strongest urge to work out until I can't anymore. I hope this never happens again.
[Other] favorite plates? (other)
/u/sometimessadgirl
Created: Tue May 8 09:45:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hxpdv/favorite_plates_other/
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Does anyone have favorite plates they use? Do you prefer divided plates? Where do you buy your plates? Lately I've been stressed because my plate options are either much too small or much too large. Also it's always fun to see the cute little plates people prefer :)
If I am unable to figure out the flair I'm really sorry! I've been lurking here for quite some time but this is my first post <3
I PROMISE you will lose weight on 1200/1500 calories!!! *isn't a doctor, has zero medical credibility* No I won't provide another source when you tell me my source can't be verified!
/u/-deebrie-
Created: Tue May 8 09:23:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hxj96/i_promise_you_will_lose_weight_on_12001500/
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That post in /r/loseit though. What the fuck?
Have any of you heard/tried of AsanaRebel? What are your results/experiences with it?
/u/chrysanthemym
Created: Tue May 8 08:46:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hx8ub/have_any_of_you_heardtried_of_asanarebel_what_are/
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[Discussion] How often?
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Tue May 8 08:09:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hwyya/how_often/
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How often are you working out? I am so tired all the time
I work 8 hr shifts on my feet so I hope that will help me burn but still
I have some dumbells idk they are like 5 or 8 lbs
And I have some of the weights that go on a bar for a bench that maybe I could just pick up? I do something where I put my legs up on a chair one at a time like I'm going up a huge step. Sometimes i dance around Idk I just need to find a way to burn calories while I'm exhausted.
Just looking for someone else's outlook on it.
How to Completely Lose Your Appetite (Without Anything Gross)
/u/kvikerdragen
Created: Tue May 8 08:00:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hwwhi/how_to_completely_lose_your_appetite_without/
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Drive to work, get tailgated super hard, speed up because you're stressed out and want some distance, wee-woo-wee-woo, get pulled over, watch the tailgater race past you, get interrogated by a cop, get a $438 ticket for going 41 in a 25 school zone, bawl the whole way to work.
Yes. I'm having a good day.
[Other] Any other USA peeps love the new calorie count law but hate it at the same time?
/u/supersizetrainwreck
Created: Tue May 8 07:30:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hwop1/any_other_usa_peeps_love_the_new_calorie_count/
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https://www.buzzfeed.com/laurenstrapagiel/menus-calorie-counts?utm_term=.uwXVgdAln#.xby7bwr81
[Rant/Rave] Why?? Can’t this happen where I live
/u/figglygiggly
Created: Tue May 8 07:22:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hwmyy/why_cant_this_happen_where_i_live/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/8hoaz1/starting_today_restaurants_are_required_to/
[Discussion] How does everyone deal with intestinal issues?
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Tue May 8 06:50:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hwf9o/how_does_everyone_deal_with_intestinal_issues/
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Flatulence, constipation, bloating etc
How do you make your breath smell better?
/u/invisibone
Created: Tue May 8 06:36:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hwc25/how_do_you_make_your_breath_smell_better/
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I feel like I've tried every toothpaste/mouthwash/flossing combo, but between the purging and the keto it smells... shamefully bad D:
[Rant/Rave] Just need to vent about lack of progress
/u/dotprinceton
Created: Tue May 8 06:12:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hw6ra/just_need_to_vent_about_lack_of_progress/
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So I got down to 92lb last week. Over the weekend, I ate a little higher, but around 800 calories per day \(never more than 1,000, I'm 100% certain\). I was feeling good about myself since I planned my meals and stayed within what I planned.
By Monday, I was at 95 and today 95.8. It's disheartening. I know I'll lose a bit this week, but I want the downward trend to continue.
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday May 08, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 8 06:10:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hw6fx/thinspo_tuesday_may_08_2018/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 08, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 8 06:10:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hw6ew/daily_food_diary_may_08_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for May 08, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] My flatmates' fridge is so full, they haven't noticed none of it's mine
/u/NeverIsTooLongAWord
Created: Tue May 8 05:25:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hvxad/my_flatmates_fridge_is_so_full_they_havent/
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Both of my flatmates stock up on food for the week to make meals on advance, so our fridge is currently very full. They keep making comments like "we've all bought too much food this time", but the only things that are mine are diet soda and 10cal jelly.. I guess it's helping me keep my ED hidden.. I haven't decided if that's a good thing or not yet. Is anyone else in a similar situation?
My chloths don't fit anymore.
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Tue May 8 05:15:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hvvcz/my_chloths_dont_fit_anymore/
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Everything feels so tight. I gained 23 pounds, i'm now 92 lbs. I have all summer to lose some of it. I look so ugly, I can't believe i'm at this point. Everyone thinks i'm so much "better " Does anyone know any low cal foods I can eat to at least not gain anymore weigh in the hospital. I may do a mono, I just hate it here so much.
30lbs down in 2 months - some thoughts.
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Tue May 8 05:09:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hvua0/30lbs_down_in_2_months_some_thoughts/
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I've had eating disorders for years, but had recovered for about 2-3, and relapsed in March (you can probably see full details in my post history somewhere). Basically, over the 2-3 years I didn't weigh myself at all due to it being super triggering, then weighed myself after all that time when I'd had a few drinks and came up as 185lbs (which is about 2-3lbs overweight for my height). It was the first time I'd ever measured as being overweight. That was on the 8th of March. That, obviously, ended up causing me to relapse. This morning I weighed in at 155. I kind of just wanted to share.
- basically nobody except my boyfriend has commented that I've lost weight. I've had people call me thin, but it's like they think I've always looked this way? It might be because I tended to wear clothing that was too big for me before to conceal my figure, whereas now that I've had to buy some new clothes due to those clothes falling off of me, and those clothes have been more form-fitting, people can actually see what I look like. I dunno how to feel about that. I guess it's good because I want people to think I'm thin but I don't want people to worry about me due to the rapid weight loss.
- on that note, I don't actually mind how I look in (most) clothes now. I don't like my upper-inner thighs, or the back of my thighs, so I still don't really like how I look in short dresses/skirts and whatever, but hopefully they'll get smaller. I still really don't like how I look naked, especially on days where I've not restricted as heavily. I worry though that I'm having the kind of body dysmorphia where I see myself as being thinner than I am, and that's why I don't mind my body in clothes currently.
- it's really depressing knowing that I've got another 19lbs to go until I'm underweight, and another 35lbs to go to my goal weight. Being tall is great in the sense that each individual lb gained makes less of an increase to my BMI, but sucks that it goes the other way too.
- I've mostly felt physically fine despite the heavy restriction. Like, the first couple of weeks felt horrible and I felt so lethargic and tired, and tbh I've started feeling that way again in the past few days, but all of the in-between time has been fine. The main problem is the fact that I can't concentrate on anything, which I need to because I'm doing my master's degree and have upcoming coursework and PhD application deadlines, because I'm always thinking about calories and weight and bodies.
- I haven't been binging at all, which is unusual given my pre-recovery ED habits. I've had a few days where I've eaten more than I planned to, and regretted it/felt really depressed afterwards, but it's always been a conscious choice that I've justified to myself at the time rather than being ravenous/lizard brain taking over.
- I really want to be that 19lbs down by my birthday, which is the 26th of July. I know my weight loss will probably slow down from here on out, but that feels achievable.
Idk how to feel about everything at the moment. I just wanted to put my thoughts down on paper so-to-speak.
Tried to purge for the first time today
/u/narkreturn
Created: Tue May 8 04:33:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hvnt4/tried_to_purge_for_the_first_time_today/
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I was doing so well with restriction until I got home and just stuffed my face with everything. I was so annoyed I broke my calorie limit that I just forced myself to. It was honestly so hard. I struggled to get anything up for ages. And when I did it wasn’t much at all. I had to stop cause my throat began to hurt as it felt like I pulled something? I dunno but for some strange reason I felt proud of myself like I can actually stick to something for once and have control. It was such an odd feeling..
Visit your family they say...
/u/DesperateViolet
Created: Tue May 8 04:22:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hvm1t/visit_your_family_they_say/
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... It will be nice they say.
I am fat. 169cm 82kg. I lost weight, SW was 105kg. Everyone is happy. My cousin which I hate, who loathes me too lost weight too. She started with 85kg is around 167cm I guess. Is now 52kg.
Everybody says 'violet eat something' . And 'cousin lost so much weight by not eating, isn't she beautiful now' in basically every sentence together.
You know why?
Cousin and I were compared since we were babies. Same age basically. Same height basically, both first girls to study and so on. It's the reason we hate each other.
My family makes me crazy right now. My GW was 60kg. I wanted to be reasonable. But I can't stop now. I have to reach 52kg. I am telling you guys this with tears in my eyes and 100cal chocolate in my mouth.
I am so sad.
What are 5 things that make you happy ?
/u/Sidehothrowaway
Created: Tue May 8 04:11:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hvk78/what_are_5_things_that_make_you_happy/
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5 things *not* related to your ed that make you happy and/or things that you are grateful for. 🌟💐💜
BMI calculator | Find out if your weight is in a healthy range?
/u/TechVows
Created: Tue May 8 03:41:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hvf41/bmi_calculator_find_out_if_your_weight_is_in_a/
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https://www.techvows.com/bmi-calculator-body-mass-index/
[Other] I’m already ugly, I don’t want to be fat as well
/u/xxMYChemical4EvaXx
Created: Tue May 8 03:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hve3f/im_already_ugly_i_dont_want_to_be_fat_as_well/
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So when I was young I often got told I was ugly or hideous by family and outside people, even my teachers in elementary school had told me. It’s true I have an unattractive face and I didn’t grow into it as an adult I’m still ugly. This was like in the 90s when I was a kid people didn’t give af, my family is also Hispanic so they don’t care they tell it like it is. The one thing I had tho was I was always skinnier than my brother and sister who were extremely attractive and got the good genes. So I stayed thin to get compliments, it was my thing. Growing up I figured if I’m ugly im not gonna be fat as well and lose the praise. I might have never been kissed or anything like that but I like being thin it’s all I have y’know, it makes me feel good and noticed when I other wise go invisible to the world.
[Other] Iron and vitamins and stuff
/u/rosecoloredidiot
Created: Tue May 8 03:17:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hvbfc/iron_and_vitamins_and_stuff/
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Sorry, I really don't know what to flair this post as.
So, being a cis woman (especially one who does not eat meat) iron is a worry. If MFP is any accurate, I'm pretty positive I am iron deficient. Some days getting as little at 4-5% of the recommended iron intake.
Obviously this is concerning and probably a contributor to why I'm so fucking tired all the time. I'm looking for a multivitamin (preferably one I can chew) that has a decent amount of iron in it, but the idea of iron in my vitamins makes me anxious. I keep reading about iron poisoning and start to sweat and my anxiety levels spike by 10000%. I know that realistically this isn't a worry, I mean I'm clearly not getting enough. But still.
So two things: do any of you have recommendations for a chewable multivitamin with iron and, if there are days where I eat like 70-80% of my iron (shout out to all those lentils) should I just skip them? I know that none of you are doctors, but my doctors is a piece of shit and I'd like to avoid him.
[Help] When does it happen?
/u/anamadim
Created: Tue May 8 01:51:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8huycc/when_does_it_happen/
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Does anyone know when calorie restriction starts to kill your libido and make you emotionally dead? I haven’t been over 1,200 calories for 8 days now, and my daily intake last week was 950 calories a day, when averaged out. Is this too high, or do I just need to keep this up for longer? Lost 4 pounds in a week.
A big reason for my ED is a strong desire to be asexual, and I’m bitter because at my lowest weight of 97 lbs (BMI: 13.9) my sex drive was still very much there. I guess it’s because I got to that weight slowly, it’s not like I rapidly lost weight. I mean I felt physically fine at that weight, too. Never fainted. Don’t remember being cold. Hair wasn’t falling out. Maybe I just had a higher body fat percentage than you’d expect for my weight considering height/gender/age, etc. Idk.
I’m severely depressed and now 8 days sober (I’m not an alcoholic, but I do binge drink and was on my way to becoming one). I really want to go back to alcohol because I feel so fucking miserable, and alcohol makes me feel ‘better’, but what’s stopping me is I can’t really control myself when I drink. I drink too much, and I can’t stop. I pass out, then wake up and carry on drinking. I’m argumentative, unpredictable. I embarrass myself. Alcohol makes me lose control, and I hate it. Also I can’t lose weight when I drink. I just can’t. I usually overeat when I drink, but even if I don’t, I find it hard to be in a calorie deficit and include alcohol in my diet. I count alcohol calories (obviously) so that doesn’t leave much room for food.
So yeah... the sooner restriction makes me emotionally dead so I don’t feel so fucking sad I feel the need to drink, the better. Any advice would be appreciated. When did your libido decease? When did you go emotionally numb? If either happened for you at all. How’d it happen? What was your diet/exercise like at the time? Thanks for listening.
[Intro] My first post here *trigger warning*
/u/cal01212991
Created: Tue May 8 01:45:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8huxhu/my_first_post_here_trigger_warning/
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Hey guys. I feel the need to post on this community tonight. Because I feel like you guys would understand me without judging me. And I need a safe place to express my thoughts. This is my first post here. Hi. So I have struggled with disordered eating patterns and weight issues my whole life. I wouldnt say I was anorexic persay. But I did have disordered eating patterns on and off for years. Like I've gone through periods where I starved myself. Did the Russian gymnast diet. Hated my body. Then would binge and gain the weight back. Then back to trying intense diets. The only thing I didnt do was make myself throwup. I've always yo-yo-ed in weight. Until recently. I was on weight watchers for a year.. 20-21 yrs old. I got skinny...for me...who is a bigger boned girl as they say. I'm tall. But my BMI wasn't in the underweight category. Then I moved out...my ex was the type who ate junk and never gained weight. So I was surrounded by junk...and after years of deprivation I was like eff it. My plateau weight isnt that overweight, I said. Well the lbs started creeping up...and kept creeping...and kept creeping. Until bam I gained 100 lbs. But my ex grew to love my body. Every stage of me gaining weight. She made me feel beautiful. She embraced my curves. And I still dont know why, but I stopped eating as much and the lbs still stuck. So i said...I'm just going to have to accept my body the way it is because she loves my body and still finds me sexy. And i have a pretty face so that makes up for (what i think) my "ugly" body. So i relaxed a little bit and was the most positive about my body that I ever was. Going from starving and skinny to obese and eating junk. However now...I'm starting to get the feelings and thoughts that lead me to developing disordered eating patterns years ago. And I almost dont even care. I will tell you why. I am now single so I have been putting myself out there on dating sites. And omg are people cruel. Someone I was talking to saw my body and then blocked me. I asked their friend why, and they said because they didnt want to talk to a fat bitch. I went on r/fasting to talk about how I'm starting my fasting journey and I was excited to find something that might work for me. And I got a negative comment saying I was fat...and then I went on the damn rating subreddit and a shit ton of people said I was pretty but it was ruined by my weight. That I looked like I needed to lose more than just a few lbs. Then I started remembering the drastic contrast between how people treated me at my skinniest vs now. Its night and day. And it's sad. Being both skinny and obese you get to see both sides. It makes you realize why people develop eating disorders. Because I'm at the point to where I am so desperate to lose the weight fast...and now I dont have anyone monitoring me....that I have the urge to try...throwing up my food. I did it on accident before...but something about it satisfied me. Gave me a rush. I feel the urges to do something. Because I'm tired of the hurt I feel. Of how people talk to me or about me. When I look in the mirror I dont recognize myself. Peoples comments make me cry and I want to be in control again. I find myself starting to hate my body again. To want to harm it bc I hate it so much. It sucks. But I almost dont care if it isnt healthy. I dont have the discipline to starve myself like I used to. But this way I can eat what I want and lose weight. And it's sad. That I have these thoughts. I'm just so hurt...I feel so much pain...I feel so out of control and sad...I thought I was ok. That I would never get these thoughts again. I would never think like I used to. But now they're back...and I feel the beast growing. So this is where I'm at...I needed to let it out. That is all.
Recommendations for an 8oz (or less!) Flask?
/u/jnlh93
Created: Tue May 8 01:12:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8husbz/recommendations_for_an_8oz_or_less_flask/
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Does anyone else have specific cups/bowls/plates that they have to use otherwise they freak out?? I legit called my Grandad to come drop my cup back to me yesterday after leaving it in his car 10 mins beforehand.
I love my Keepcup, but it is not watertight so I can't just throw it in my bag for work. I have a purple flask, which is pretty but hard AF to clean as it is really skinny. It is also way bigger than 8oz, and I don't like using larger cups because if I /do/ get a coffee out, I don't like the idea that they can add ridiculous amounts of milk. Additionally I don't want to be carrying lots of air around.
Does anyone have any recommendations for a small, watertight flask I can replace it with? I'm also in the market for a lightweight water bottle. It has to be light because I have a muscle condition and really cannot carry large amounts.
[Rant/Rave] Got to love accidental fasting.
/u/PinkyOutYo
Created: Mon May 7 23:59:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hug73/got_to_love_accidental_fasting/
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Up front, I'm bulimic. I haven't really restricted for any long period of time in YEARS.
I, however, did some bad things this weekend. Ended up with a guy all weekend and there was a LOT of debauchery. The one thing that didn't really feature was food.
Yesterday I was SO hungover. I don't ever really get hangovers so I didn't quite know how to deal with it but what I did know was that I really couldn't face food.
Guys, I haven't eaten anything in nearly 3 days. I'm down nearly a kilo and it feels amazing. Why have I been b/ping all these years when just not eating was an option?
Now, I know one tiny fast doesn't mean anything and I know that old habits die hard so this isn't going to suddenly change my lifestyle up, but it feels so good. I am aching on the inside, I'm light headed, I feel tired, but I am so happy right now. I forgot how amazing it feels to have this kind of control.
Anyway, thanks for listening to my stupid rant, and if anyone has any advice to make myself want to eat again, it would be appreciated.
Time for an ED related music post anyone?
/u/Stopiamalreadydead
Created: Mon May 7 23:35:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8huc15/time_for_an_ed_related_music_post_anyone/
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I feel like it's been a while. Or I missed the last one cause I was binging and avoiding this place, who knows.
Please share songs or your playlists that are ED related.
I've got a lengthy one that I'll share in the comments that includes the lyrics that I most relate to. Cause I'm extra and put too much effort into this.
[Other] The Valerian movie was trash but the alien thinspo 👌🏻👌🏻
/u/keepitcosmic
Created: Mon May 7 23:01:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hu5us/the_valerian_movie_was_trash_but_the_alien_thinspo/
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https://giphy.com/gifs/ValerianMovie-happy-rihanna-3og0Iyd1SDFM0rPKnu
[Discussion] What’s the weirdest comparing you do?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Mon May 7 22:53:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hu4fc/whats_the_weirdest_comparing_you_do/
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I feel like I hit rock bottom today when I started trying to figure out what the Disney princesses measurements would be so I could compare myself to them 🙃
one slipup and the whole day is ruined [rant]
/u/patriotsfan4life
Created: Mon May 7 22:39:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hu2cz/one_slipup_and_the_whole_day_is_ruined_rant/
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I'm doing a very sad and miserable attempt at keto. It usually goes well and I think, "wow this is so great I'm going to lose weight tomorrow I feel so skinny and happy yay"
And then I see a cookie or something, and I resist it for a few hours, then tell myself "you're doing so great enjoy this cookie you deserve it and since you're doing so well it won't ruin your progress!" And while that may be true, one bite of a cookie turns into the whole cookie, and then some fruit lying around, and then a bite of candy, and then ALL the carbs. I wouldn't call it a binge, it's just that I see food and carbs and I think well fuck it and I eat it. That slope is treacherous, but I can't help go down it. And then I feel horrible and bloated and awful and guilty and I sit around thinking why am I so fat and ugly and lack self-control. Cycle repeats every day. You'd think I would know better by now.
Am I the only one who actually ENJOYS fasting ?
/u/piscesdreamer9
Created: Mon May 7 22:12:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8htx1k/am_i_the_only_one_who_actually_enjoys_fasting/
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I love the heightened sense of smell, smelling food from miles away. I love the obsession with the food. Looking at it is almost as good as eating it. I can't feel that way about food without fasting, it's just not as lovely. Also fasting is very spiritual in a sense. Am I the only one who actually feels this way ?
[Rant/Rave] I'm not ready to recover, but I can't live like this anymore.
/u/bitpattern
Created: Mon May 7 22:05:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8htvgj/im_not_ready_to_recover_but_i_cant_live_like_this/
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Hey, long time lurker first time poster.
TW, numbers, anorexia etc..
I really need help, but I'm not ready to recover.
I went through a treatment program for 9 months and I was mostly weight restored. I was kind of pushed out of recovery from my family (they don't understand anorexia and I live with them), after 2 months of being out of the program I was right back where I started, but instead of just restricting, I started binging then restricting, starting a viscous cycle that I can not break. My lowest weight was 79lbs and right now I'm 95lbs. I'm just really scared because I know I need treatment, but I'm scared I'm not "sick" enough, 'cus during my last hospitalization I was at my lowest weight. My weight has been wildly fluctuating the past few months (between 80-95). I'm just scared to be "made fun of" (???) By the doctors ? Or get a "well you didnt technically LOSE weight), because I'm actually at my discharge weight right now.
I know this all sounds crazy but I dont even know what to do anymore. I'm scared to gain any weight and I know I will need to if I go to treatment, but i know I've been thinner and trying to wrap my head around the weight I'm even at is terrifying.
But I ate an apple and a granola bar and I've been crying for a few hours over it so idk I just cant live like this anymore.
Commenting on Portion Size
/u/VirtualVacation
Created: Mon May 7 21:57:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8htts5/commenting_on_portion_size/
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Please don't. !! Just do no t ple ase! !!
Acid reflux
/u/Suchsmolsuchwow
Created: Mon May 7 21:56:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8httih/acid_reflux/
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Anyone else? Like I spent 2 days at 500 and I can feel bile in my throat and I'm super nauseous every time I eat. I'm also super lightheaded and dizzy even though I binged yesterday. Not sure if it's a stomach bug or related to restriction.
[Rant/Rave] Binging on free food
/u/srh01
Created: Mon May 7 21:35:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8htp11/binging_on_free_food/
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So my dorm holds activities every night of finals week, and all the activities include (junk) food. Tonight was chocolate fondue night, and there were a lot of options for things to dip in the fondue, including Oreos. I ended up binge-eating three Golden Oreos (150 cals)--luckily I didn't eat any chocolate fondue, since I'm vegan, but it still feels horrible. I had been well within my calorie goal for the day, having eaten 51 calories in cauliflower and pickles, so the Oreos quadrupled my daily total and put me way over my limit. The worst/scariest part is knowing that I couldn't control myself, and I'm going home for the summer in three days and there's tons of food there to tempt me. I don't want to lose control again.
[Discussion] vitamins
/u/fortunate-foolx
Created: Mon May 7 20:44:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8htd9o/vitamins/
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what vitamins do you take?
[Discussion] Pedometer?
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Mon May 7 20:04:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ht3qy/pedometer/
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Hey do you find that a pedometer is a good way of finding how many calories your burn a day through steps?
I work a fast food job and I want to know how much I'm burning. I'm worried it isn't enough at all. Sorry if this is a dumb question thank you. I know I post a lot but I have no one to talk to about this and it's killing me.
when your mother with an ED gives you an intervention your about your ED...
/u/uglydelicious
Created: Mon May 7 20:02:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ht30h/when_your_mother_with_an_ed_gives_you_an/
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Words can't describe this feeling of disappointment embarrassment and accomplishment that i am feeling all at once.
My mother and i are very close, and i come from a family of EDs that were just never confronted. I've recently started to get sick with a lot of stomach issues that I was masking like I didn't know what was triggering, but duhhh I knew it was the ED. I was talking on the phone with my mom today, and she lightly told me she thought that I have a problem and that she'd be monitoring my eating every time I came home for a visit. This is after YEARS of ED behavior. And I finally get thin and this is what happens... I'm offended, shocked, sad, and also fulfilled that someone close to me is starting to notice enough to say something. I described our every day struggle of binge, restrict and she told me that in the past she was hospitalized bc she had so many vitamin and nutrient deficiencies. Even though she can relate it felt like talking to a wall bc she never has confronted this herself. It's like no matter who I talk to it's like talking to a wall except when I am here. My ED is very exclusive, so when confronted about anything on the forefront I lose it.
With respect to my health issues things are getting worse, and I guess I never thought my ED would effect MY health, ya know. And I know when my mom says something its of concern. I just tell her I am at the point where I have no idea what to eat so I just don't. I cried and cried because I just felt fucked up and judged, but like I said at the same time this is almost like a token of recognition. I don't like people talking to me about my eating. I know that I have been getting sicker.
My mom suggests I go see a nutritionist. Have you all been and will this help? I guess I just wish someone would write down exactly what I need to eat and when so I can stick to something that is not under my control for now, bc this confrontation and conversation is fucking mortifying.
[Discussion] Turns out I’m much more of a train wreck than I thought 🙃 let’s share our embarrassing moments caused by eds
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Mon May 7 19:57:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ht1tj/turns_out_im_much_more_of_a_train_wreck_than_i/
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So the only thing I’ve consumed in the past four days is vodka. I’ve gotten drunk each night and my body has handled it super well lol like I haven’t gotten sick or hungover. Until last night!!! I got so drunk/sick that I was screaming and crying about how horrible I felt, I spent a lot of the night on the bathroom floor and my boyfriend had to seriously take care of me. He was even force feeding me teeny tiny bits of bread bc he knows I haven’t eaten. And of course I threw up hella which almost NEVER happens to me, even if I’m blacked out. But to top it all off I am 90% sure I peed the bed!! I woke up bottomless, no sheets on the bed, towels underneath me. Trying not to be mortified by it 😂
Also I threw up black stuff so that’s cool too.
The only positive is that I am so grateful to have someone who sees the ugliest parts of me and knows how much of a mess I am and is still with me and really wants to take care of me.
So there’s my shit! Anyone else wanna share theirs and make me feel less horrible hahaha
[Help] Help with parents; advice plz
/u/Grellous8
Created: Mon May 7 19:40:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hsxyh/help_with_parents_advice_plz/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/BingeEatingDisorder/comments/8hsx4m/help_with_parents_advice_plz/
[Rant/Rave] My friend is so triggering and I don’t know what to do
/u/lilqueenheartz
Created: Mon May 7 19:10:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hsqki/my_friend_is_so_triggering_and_i_dont_know_what/
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I’ve been friends with this girl for years and she came to me about her ED a few months ago I told that we have similar struggles and I’m always here for her if she needs me. Recently it’s almost like she tries to trigger me even though she is one of the nicest people on the planet it’s just that whenever she goes into her rants in class about the size of her wrists or the fact that her collarbones don’t stick out enough, they make me uncomfortable because I am heavier than her and I feel like she forgets I’m in the room sometimes when she talks like that. I wanted to confront her about it but I don’t really know what to say.
[Rant/Rave] I am a slave to my urges (rant/poem thingy...?)
/u/Grellous8
Created: Mon May 7 19:06:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hspo7/i_am_a_slave_to_my_urges_rantpoem_thingy/
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I eat instinctively.
I eat when I am hungry; what all the other fucking casuals and normies call "instinctive eating."
But for me, instinctive eating IS disordered eating.
I am a slave to my urges.
Others can eat and end up feeling progressively hungrier with time.
I eat. And then I feel hungry. And then I eat. And then I feel hungry. And then I eat. And then I feel hungry...
How everyone else does it, I'll never know. There used to be a time when I didn't even think about food; I just ate it. Now it takes up my whole life; my every thought; my very being. I hate it. But I love it (the excruciatingly repetitive cycle of binging).
I am a slave to my urges.
[Rant/Rave] im crying because i really want a sandwich
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Mon May 7 19:06:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hspnt/im_crying_because_i_really_want_a_sandwich/
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i feel like a crazy person right now
i have a fever and im sick so my mom thinks im crying because of that but i havent eaten in almost a week and i would give anything to have a toasted vegan baloney and cheese
Share a sketch of your ideal body.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Mon May 7 17:58:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hs8hx/share_a_sketch_of_your_ideal_body/
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The title is pretty self\-explanatory. Credit to bagelzboi for the idea.
[https://imgur.com/S3vGmFJ](https://imgur.com/S3vGmFJ)
Net 1 calorie for the day 😅
/u/thelonelykitten_
Created: Mon May 7 17:23:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hrzse/net_1_calorie_for_the_day/
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https://i.imgur.com/8twk78V.jpg
All-time highest weight=all-time personal low
/u/GemRocking
Created: Mon May 7 17:11:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hrwvy/alltime_highest_weightalltime_personal_low/
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At 5'4" and 142 pounds, I now have a BMI of 24.4. I'm precious pounds away from being overweight, and I already look like a fat fuck.
I hate nearly everything about my appearance. I have fat, puffy cheeks, and a spilling stomach, and pudgy forearms, and swinging fat all over my arms and legs, and even my ankles and wrists and fingers and neck are fat. (Plus, I'm short and I have stupid little hands with stubby fucking fingers and a squeaky voice, but that's a rant for another day).
I've gotten to be a disgusting pig in my eating habits.
- I was making lemon bars for a friend. I tipped the bowl to get the lemon goo out, and it coated the inside of the bowl. When I tipped the bowl rightside-up, about 1/4 cup of this acidic, gritty, thick slime slid to the bottom of the bowl. **I slurped up the entire ~1/4 cup of this shit off of a spatula, and made a gigantic mess in the process.**
- At the last day of school, **I ate regular meals, plus: a milkshake, a slice of cake, two cookies, and soda.** I ate around 1,150 calories over my TDEE that day.
- Also on the last day of school, **I laid in bed after a day of overeating and ate 3 Twizzlers and a bag of M&M's.**
- I just fucking eat too much, all the time. I often eat more than everyone in the house. It's disgusting.
The other day, I was talking to a beautiful girl that I'm rather sweet on and she mentioned her goal to cut back on how much sugar she ate. Something possessed me to tell her that I'd cut back to 2-3 desserts per week, when I once was eating 1-2 per day. She legitimately tried not to say anything negative, but I could see in her fucking face that she was disgusted; 2-3 desserts per week is the excess of what she would ever eat. I have a required formal event in a couple weeks and I'm going to be in a dress. She'll see me there, and she'll see my fat, muscle-less arms and lack of collar bones, and I'll just feel pathetic and awful, and she'll know it's because I'm a fucking piggy that does nothing but lay around all day and eat sugary food.
I'm sick of being repulsive and fat, and I keep saying "I'll fix it," but then I just blow it and gorge myself all fucking day long. I'm sick of being ugly and undesirable, and being embarrassed when people see or even touch me through the sweater and jeans I wear even in 100-degree summer heat. I'm sick of being repulsed when I take my clothes off and look in the mirror, of having to avert my gaze when I'm bathing. I'm sick of tucking my gut in when I sit down and positioning my body so that my limbs don't spread. I'm sick of being envious and powerless and pathetic.
I'm ambitious and strong-willed, but food has become my *downfall.* It makes me feel weak; it makes me physically look weak. I'm so fucking done. Something's got to give, and I'm going to take control of my body and lose however many fucking pounds it takes me by any means necessary so that I can finally just be confident, in-control, and attractive for once in my life.
Writing out my plan for accountability
/u/supersecretobsession
Created: Mon May 7 17:04:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hrv02/writing_out_my_plan_for_accountability/
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[removed]
Casually torturing myself watching videos of people eat burgers
/u/caithaa
Created: Mon May 7 17:00:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hrtwt/casually_torturing_myself_watching_videos_of/
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Anyone a fan of Bob's Burgers?
I'm currently watching the video of the guy (here's the [link](https://firstwefeast.com/video/bobs-burger-taste-test-jon-benjamin-the-burger-show)) who voices Bob with an amazing chef making & eating burgers inspired by the show. I want to cry. It looks so good. I probably look demented as I salivate all over myself...as I continue sipping my water.
Anyone else torture themselves like this? Like haha why? Why? whY?
[Tip] Zero cal energy drink
/u/Yatessc
Created: Mon May 7 16:40:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hrpen/zero_cal_energy_drink/
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I just found the energy drink, Bang. it's great on caffeine amount and it doesn't spike your blood pressure. I'm not sure how long it's been out but god I'm happy I found it. My job is pretty physical and I've been struggling to keep up lately but bang definitely helps me go fast. Plus it's zero calories and carbs.
https://youtu.be/P2M9sCb_eYY
Got told I'm skinny (more or less)
/u/billionsofatoms
Created: Mon May 7 16:15:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hrizm/got_told_im_skinny_more_or_less/
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Went shopping with a friend today and looked at nice summer dresses. Tried one, the smallest size was kinda flowy and big on me (European 36). I complain about the size of the dress to my friend and she's like: "Well, everything will look big on you, you're like 40 kilos with a radiator in your arms. Told you that you should shop in kids' section".
I could barely control my grin. But also hell no, I'm fat and gross and today I barely had any deficit and the past 2 days I ate over maintenance even. AGGGHHH I'm happy and mad at the same time.
"that's nice babe"
/u/Dumbledickhead
Created: Mon May 7 15:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hrbnz/thats_nice_babe/
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Been relapsing hard since two of mybfriebds died these past 2 months. I've eaten 400 calories in 3 days now and burnt off so many I've lost count. I feel weak but powerful. I told my boyfriend what I had eaten and how many calories. I don't know why. Maybe I want him to care and to stop me from destroying myself. He knows how ill I used to be. He barely listened. He said "that's nice babe". So I said "I could lose a stone in a month" and he said "very good" (and didn't look up from his laptop). I'm almost underweight now. A few pounds off being under weight. Losing a stone could make me sick. I want to be that sick but I also don't. But I want him to care. In every other way he's amazing and supportive but I don't think he thinks my Ed is that serious cause he didn't know me when I was sick so maybe he thinks I'm exaggerating. I want to get so sick now. I want him to know how much his passivness hurts me. I'm an awful person
I want to live
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Mon May 7 15:46:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hrbh0/i_want_to_live/
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I'm so tired of fighting through every day, hating life and starving.
I want to feel like I'm worth something, that I'm good at something, and needed.
I want to say "fuck ed" and be my best self, but I don't want to let go of ed. I don't know who I am without it.
My dietitian convinced me to increase my calorie intake from 500 to 1000. I'm not happy about it but if I want to ever be free, I need to trust her...
I want to love myself and love life but I'm not ready to let go of ed.
[Discussion] how long do your binges last?
/u/nchlaz
Created: Mon May 7 15:24:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hr5iy/how_long_do_your_binges_last/
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Before you kind of snap out of it? I’ve never been much of a binger but lately.... holy fuck.... i was doing awesome I mean I felt like shit but I was confident I would’ve woken up today at a new lw. But the second I woke up I just knew I was gonna binge. A ton. It’s been all day like at least 3500 cals and I still don’t feel satisfied.. I’m hoping I wake up tomorrow and just automatically go back into restriction.
I just think I’ve been doing too low of restriction :/ I crave everything all the time. But fuck i was like 3 pounds from my gw..
[Rant/Rave] tfw ur friend guesses ur 10 pounds heavier than you actually are
/u/kingarthersixties
Created: Mon May 7 15:23:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hr566/tfw_ur_friend_guesses_ur_10_pounds_heavier_than/
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I told my friend I gained 10 pounds since January, and she was like "Oh, so how much do you weigh now? 140?." No I'm 130 now lol. I want to die I didn't know I looked like I weighed 140 fucking pounds bye.
[Rant/Rave] Obsession with my friends' weights
/u/runjumpflip
Created: Mon May 7 15:20:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hr49w/obsession_with_my_friends_weights/
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I have such an obsession with being thin. I mean, obviously, cause I'm here. But like, I'm equally obsessed with how thin other people are. Like, there's this anorexic boy I went to school with, and he's gotta be like 5'9 and 100lbs. And like, sometimes that's all I wanna talk about. Like how I can see his ribs through his shirt, and how his arm is so small I can wrap my fingers around his bicep, and how he was so dizzy that he had to sit out of dance class, and how the poor thing was just shivering when we walked to Starbucks, even though it wasn't that cold and everyone else was in t-shirts.
And my other friend, who doesn't even have an eating disorder, but stops eating when he gets depressed, and how he told me he had to start using a different notch on his belt after he left his ex.
And my other friend, who lives off of coffee and cigarettes all day, and whiskey and cigarettes all night. He used to be actually fat, and now he's just skin and bone.
And like guys I think about this all day. Sometimes I wanna talk to them about it. I never do, unless they bring it up first, cause I don't wanna make them feel insecure. But like, every time I see them the voice in my head is like "oh my god Quinn, there's nothing to you. Did you get even *smaller*?? You have to eat babe, you look sick."
And Quinn (the one who's anorexic) is like...he doesn't want anyone to know he's anorexic, so he's constantly complaining about how he wishes he wasn't so thin, but you can tell he likes it. He'll make these self-deprecating jokes like "damn I'm gonna have to start wearing kids pants, these are size 28 and they're just falling off. Fuck me, right?" But you can tell he loves it, and the attention that comes with it. And it's sad. And obviously I wish these people didn't struggle with eating, and I would never encourage anyone to starve themselves, but I kinda hate how much I love how they look?
The one who stops eating when he's depressed, one time I was hanging out with him, and all I could think about was how his t-shirt was just hanging from his shoulders, and how his legs looked smaller than mine, and how his wrists were so tiny, and how I'd probably have room to spare if I wrapped my fingers around them.
Idk dude. If you read this far, you're probably just as obsessed as I am lol. Idek what this post is for. I like writing about it. Sick, I know lol.
Someone asked me to draw my idea of the perfect body and I think I just outed myself ,
/u/bagelzboi
Created: Mon May 7 14:38:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hqsb1/someone_asked_me_to_draw_my_idea_of_the_perfect/
---
https://imgur.com/QDi7ZxN
[Discussion] DAE feel like they are lying about being "thin"?
/u/handzies
Created: Mon May 7 14:25:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hqoif/dae_feel_like_they_are_lying_about_being_thin/
---
I went shopping and tried on a levis size 25 high waisted short because they looked like good goal shorts. You know, the impossibly small article of clothing you buy to drive yourself insane. I tried them on to make myself feel bad, but then they fit. A little tight on the bum, but I expected to be muffining and rolling. I didn't expect to be able to button them.
Feels like fake news. Like I am sure it was just a vanity size 25 or the person who tried them on before me stretched them out. It's a fluke those fit. The denim must have a rip somewhere, they must be sized wrong. Maybe they were supposed to be a boyfriend fit on an actually skinny girl.
Or people will be like "girl you have lost weight" and again I am like "it's just this lighting, you should see me naked, adds 20 pounds"
I know its dismorphyia, but it seriously feels like I am just fat and lying to people about everything. If I say my weight, I feel like I'm not telling the truth. Im so worried people will find out the truth that I'm fat.
[Rant/Rave] How do you guys fuckin deal when you havE WITHOUT A DOUBT LOST WEIGHT but the scale says you havent?? its driving me fucking insane
/u/graeciamagna
Created: Mon May 7 14:17:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hqma2/how_do_you_guys_fuckin_deal_when_you_have_without/
---
Found these at Kroger. Taste like a melted popsicle.
/u/wireddachrn
Created: Mon May 7 13:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hqawu/found_these_at_kroger_taste_like_a_melted_popsicle/
---
https://imgur.com/n2QKY2Z
i've decided im no longer going to count calories
/u/dyingtobefitt
Created: Mon May 7 13:19:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hq54o/ive_decided_im_no_longer_going_to_count_calories/
---
idk why but i just can't do it anymore
it gives me way too much anxiety
im just going to focus on portion control and eating healthy
does anyone else here not count calories?
[Other] This is so real 😂
/u/uglydelicious
Created: Mon May 7 12:50:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hpwyg/this_is_so_real/
---
https://i.redd.it/ckasc0rkchw01.jpg
5"5 CW: 132 GW: 119
/u/EnvironmentalGain
Created: Mon May 7 12:42:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hpun8/55_cw_132_gw_119/
---
Questions About Vitamins/Supplements
/u/cityofstarlight
Created: Mon May 7 12:14:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hpmqg/questions_about_vitaminssupplements/
---
I am attempting my first ever long fast to lose a couple pounds for my birthday, and I want to make sure my body isn’t missing anything it needs.
My question is, what are the vitamins and supplements that I should be taking? What do you take and what is it for? Is it fairly safe to take caffeine pills while I fast?
Thanks for any help! I’m lying in bed stressing about this lol.
(First time posting but I’ve lurked for years now. I cycle through BED and ANA, and this is an amazing support group full of beautiful people that I feel like truly understand me even without knowing me.)
Nutrition info posted for almost everything soon- even vending machines!
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo
Created: Mon May 7 10:43:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hox6b/nutrition_info_posted_for_almost_everything_soon/
---
https://www-m.cnn.com/2018/05/07/health/restaurant-calorie-count-partner/index.html
[Other] Searching for a squatty potty when...
/u/Cassiedood
Created: Mon May 7 10:28:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hot3j/searching_for_a_squatty_potty_when/
---
https://i.redd.it/fy3whcg5ngw01.jpg
2 weeks of progress eliminated overnight.
/u/SpeckledBalloon
Created: Mon May 7 10:00:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8holaw/2_weeks_of_progress_eliminated_overnight/
---
I know, I know. It's probably water weight. Maybe I'm retaining because my period is due next week. Women don't lose weight linearly.
But this graph shape is really discouraging:
https://i.imgur.com/jUD3DuK.png
I use Happy Scale for those wondering. Over the course of 4 days I went from a low of 14.2 right back up to 119. I'm pretty much back at my start weight.
I've been trying to do this healthily this round. I've maintained around 1200 calories a day, and only went over 1500 twice. I'm pretty sedentary though so maybe this is just too much for me? I'm only 5'2.
Any short people out there who don't have much to lose? I'd love to hear your advice / share your struggles. These 15 lbs are stuck to me.
Moving back home and losing control
/u/3owlsinatrenchcoat
Created: Mon May 7 09:43:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hogg2/moving_back_home_and_losing_control/
---
Hi, I've never posted here before but I have lurked around for a good amount of time. I've struggled with disordered eating habits for awhile, mainly freaking out if I eat over a certain amount of calories and having almost weekly binge cycles.
I recently graduated from college, where I lived by myself and had total control over my diet and foods I bought. Since I knew if I would buy any snack foods (cereal, Cheez-Its, and goldfish especially) I would eat the whole box in one go, I would hardly ever buy them. But after I graduated, I moved back home. Here, I have almost no control over what food is stocked in the pantry. My mom ends up buying a ton of junk food for my younger brother, but I've been the one eating everything in sight. I'm so terrified because I feel like I can't control myself around food and I end up just eating and eating and eating. I know if I continue to eat like I have been, I'm going to gain weight again. It's only 11:45 am here and I've already eaten 1,000 calories.
I have no idea how to control myself or how to be less inclined to eat the whole freakin box of cereal in one meal. I'm not even hungry most of the time. If anyone has any tips on how to avoid this or anything I would love to hear it!
Triggering shit people have said to you
/u/birdsbirdsbirds339
Created: Mon May 7 09:31:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hod89/triggering_shit_people_have_said_to_you/
---
Started new meds that are notorious for making you crave carbs and I thought I was ok to give myself a cheat day... until someone at my bf's birthday party said that I looked like I was expecting :^)
The worst thing is I woke up today and was 10lbs heavier than anticipated so breakfast will be an EC stack with a side of nothing!!!!!!
Our "invisible" illness that people cant see.
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Mon May 7 09:30:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hoctm/our_invisible_illness_that_people_cant_see/
---
I dont know when will this "invisible" illness end. After I started working in the society, I started to become a different person and then had depression for a year. I am half way through recovery and I recently found out that I might have eating disorder (anorexia). I feel alone in this journey some how. All these mental illness cant be seen and no one knows it if we dont discuss it to someone, and even we do, they might not understand. I feel the struggle is real. And I am using public hospital for treatment. I think I am going to visit appointments for another year for ed again. It is tiring. Sometimes I thought to myself if things (treatment and life) are so difficult, why not just end it? I can relieve all the sufferings, pains, and loneliness, once and for all.
Sorry if it sounds so negative.
"Everything goes downhill after 30" mentality?
/u/renewtheplaintiff
Created: Mon May 7 09:00:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ho4jt/everything_goes_downhill_after_30_mentality/
---
DAE feel like their ED makes them inferior to the post-30 socially accepted weight gain?
I always get comments (I'm 24) about how *"you're young, you have a fast metabolism - that's why you're skinny... just wait till you hit 30!"* Like bitch pleeeease, I'll be counting calories till the day I die. There is absolutely NO WAY I'll ever let myself "go".
Hence, my fucked up ED brain is comforted by this thought. Like somehow I've already escaped this "inevitable you-gain-weight-as-you-age" mindset.
I just fainted in front of my family
/u/Sleepy_Golden_Storm
Created: Mon May 7 08:48:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ho1pp/i_just_fainted_in_front_of_my_family/
---
When did my life turn into an abc family drama? There used to be this PSA about anorexia where a girl didn't eat for three days (so she could be lovely) and ended up passed out in the bathroom. That shit used to annoy me so much because who would faint after only three days? Me, apparently! I used to be able to fast for weeks and feel completely fine, now I don't eat for two days and I'm fainting in the hallway like nobody's business.
Lord is it a shitty feeling, though. One second I was fine and then my vision went black and my heart started pounding, then i'm wondering why my pillow is so uncomfortable and everybody's yelling. Very unpleasant, I've gotta say. I know I should probably go get it checked out just to make sure that nothing major is wrong, but I'd really rather give it a couple of days to see if I feel better first. But oof, the one ED trope I'd avoided so far. rip
P.s. Sorry about my messy ass writing. I'm ineloquent on a good day, and I was unconscious five minutes ago so give your girl a break :P
[Rant/Rave] I'm so fat. Need my validation
/u/Bleepbloopbroke
Created: Mon May 7 08:41:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hnzpk/im_so_fat_need_my_validation/
---
Time for my most common post about feeling like a fat fuck and looking for validation from the people of this sub.
Fuck I hate myself
fruit is THE BEST
/u/innocentkitty
Created: Mon May 7 08:20:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hnud0/fruit_is_the_best/
---
i used to eat about 1000 calories a day of all carbs and i felt like pure shit. i was basically living off bread, snack bars, biscuits and chocolate bars and always felt so lousy and lethargic and all i could think about 24/7 was food but 3 weeks ago i made the switch to fruit and i feel like a completely different person. even though i'm down to 750-850 a day i'm never tired and i have so much energy, i feel constantly "fresh" and hydrated and my mood is so improved! i still have a cupboard full of carb snacks but literally no desire to eat any of it and it feels so fucking good.
(in case any lurkers try to get inspo from this post just as a disclaimer i'm not recommending eating only fruit or doing raw til 4 or any of that crap, i only eat 300g of fruit a day and still eat other stuff too)
the best part is i'm not even bashing myself over the sugar content and walking around town whilst the sun's out in a flowy dress with a container full of grapes makes me feel like some kind of hydrated ethereal summer goddess and i'm here for it.
Today is my birthday. I was inspired by another user on here to not give a damn about food today
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Mon May 7 07:59:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hnon1/today_is_my_birthday_i_was_inspired_by_another/
---
My SO showered me with gifts this morning many of which were food. I ended up eating a peanut butter larabar at 6am which is something i'd never do but i mean screw it. I felt guilty for 20 minutes but now I feel better and... less like shit? Feels good to be running on something other than coffee during the day.
This might sound dumb but I'm gonna make some goals for the day, that way I'm more likely to stick to them and not let my ED completely rule my every move:
1. Binging = guilt no matter what. Therefore I'm not gonna allow myself to binge, but I will allow "normal person" quantities of food.
2. No purging, even if I do end up binging.
3. Buy and eat some of that god damn vegan cheesecake I've been eyeing up at the grocery store and constantly saying I'd have as my birthday cake for this year.
4. I wont count calories today. I'll listen to my body's hunger cues instead.
5. I won't weight myself today.
6. No running today. Leisurely walking/yoga/stretching is ok.
7. I will eat a birthday dinner tonight. With a side. And alcohol.
8. I wont force myself to fast tomorrow to "make up" for today.
I just want one day of peace. Wish me luck! :)
Feeling horrible
/u/HonestRaspberry
Created: Mon May 7 07:52:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hnn50/feeling_horrible/
---
I have been binging recently due to stress and I have been doing badly in school which contributes to more stress. Recently, my teacher called me out in class and asked whats wrong with me and why I have no friends. I am overweight due to binging and the teacher asked me if I gained weight. I felt so horrible that day and binged :(
I feel that studying is so difficult as I keep thinking of binging or restricting. Sometimes when math problems mention weight, I feel upset .
My doctor made me feel extremely bad
/u/beaglesarebest
Created: Mon May 7 07:46:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hnlkh/my_doctor_made_me_feel_extremely_bad/
---
So I made a huge mistake yesterday and told my best friend about my eating problems. She reacted as I expected, and won't let this go before I recover. She told me that if I get worse she'll never be able to forgive herself. I can't do that to her. Problem is - I don't want to recover.
She convinced me to talk to my doctor about it today, and came with me to make sure I did. So I told my doctor, and she threatened me with admission to psych if I don't get better within 3 weeks. She told me I have a choice - but what I'm struggling with doesn't feel like a choice. I'm studying to become a teacher, and she told me that "I would be an extremely bad role model for my students if I'm pencil thin", and that the jews who became anorexic in the concentration camp didn't chose to have an eating disorder, but I did. I left feeling even shittier and even more shameful, like it's all my fault.
I feel extremely trapped and anxious right now. All I wanted was support from my friend, which I do get, but I don't want to be forced to recover when I'm not motivated or ready to do so. I'm not even underweight. Am I being unfair here?
Let's all share the brainless shit we've done in a fasting fog...
/u/invisibone
Created: Mon May 7 06:58:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hnacr/lets_all_share_the_brainless_shit_weve_done_in_a/
---
I'll start... Locked myself out of my house this morning and am now late for work >.<
Summer iced coffee hacks
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Mon May 7 06:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hn8tw/summer_iced_coffee_hacks/
---
Hey friends - does anyone know how to figure out how many calories are in a “small sugar free vanilla iced coffee with milk” from McDonald’s?
I just found out they have sugar free iced coffee today, and dollar drinks start tomorrow so my life is on the up and up lol - however I can only find nutrition info for “small sugar free vanilla iced coffee with skim milk” and I didn’t specify skim milk because I’m dumb. So I’m assuming they use 2% by default 😭 their website says 60 calories but in the description it says “with cream or 2% milk” and I feel like there has to be a difference there right? Any help is appreciated, I’m ready to get my summer drink game on 🙏🏻🙏🏻
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! May 07, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 7 06:15:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hn11s/weekly_stats_update_may_07_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for May 07, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Daily Food Diary! May 07, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon May 7 06:15:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hn10q/daily_food_diary_may_07_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 07, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
All day until 9 pm: 500 calories. After 9: 2,900 calories in 10 minutes.
/u/pushatMD
Created: Mon May 7 05:22:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hmqqc/all_day_until_9_pm_500_calories_after_9_2900/
---
https://i.redd.it/n4fy1v2l4fw01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Went on my ED reddit account, home page is filled with beautiful skinny actresses.
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Mon May 7 05:01:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hmn37/went_on_my_ed_reddit_account_home_page_is_filled/
---
Sigh.
I recovered for about a week and this morning I lost all my friends and became massively in debt and now I can’t afford food anyway.
/u/defenestrationdisco
Created: Mon May 7 04:47:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hmklz/i_recovered_for_about_a_week_and_this_morning_i/
---
It is my fault. So I won’t eat. I don’t deserve to.
People say you can only go up from rock bottom, I feel like I’m just chipping away at it. My life just gets continually worse and my mistakes harder to fix. I am honestly sad I don’t have severe, delusional depression like I used to, because I wish I was dead but I can’t bring myself to commit suicide. There’s some stupid fucking part of me that wants to live, just not enough to actually do the hard work to fix things.
Experiences with Effexor or Abilify?
/u/pegasib
Created: Mon May 7 04:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hmj41/experiences_with_effexor_or_abilify/
---
Hey guys, I know each person has each has their own unique experiences with medication, but I'd just like to know how you reacted to the medication. Did you experience any changes in appetite or mood? Is there anything I should be concerned about taking antidepressants?
Thanks!
[Rant/Rave] Teacher commented on my body, I almost started crying
/u/throwaway254411
Created: Mon May 7 04:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hmh61/teacher_commented_on_my_body_i_almost_started/
---
We were in the school gym, some girls were doing bodyweight exercises and a teacher told me to join them, touched my arm and said "You're flabby. Are you 50 years old?". I almost cried, I had tears in my eyes. It's a touchy topic for me because I lost a lot of weight through restricting and, even though I've gained some back, I don't have much muscle and that's one of the things I hate the most about myself. I'm working on it, I started exercising more and hitting my protein goal, and that one comment completely crushed my self esteem and now I can't stop pinching my arms.
Goodbye friends, I'm unsubscribing for the first and last time.
/u/lilysuperduper
Created: Mon May 7 03:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hm803/goodbye_friends_im_unsubscribing_for_the_first/
---
I felt like I needed to say goodbye to you all.
I'm recovering, I want to remember what if feels like to live a normal life again. It will be hard but so so worth it.
All of you are so strong and have supported me so much, even though I have barely posted in here. You are all such kind beings and I wish you all well for the future, be it recovery or not. Thank you.💕
The media and eating disorders
/u/sushi1997
Created: Mon May 7 02:24:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hlycn/the_media_and_eating_disorders/
---
Just saw a news segment on thinspiration and eating disorders and it made me so angry and frustrated. They spoke about it as though it was this new internet trend that young women were just mindlessly falling for and although I could tell they were very concerned they just weren't treating it as seriously as it should be. It's not something that only affects women, or young people. It's not a trend. It's people's lives that you're talking about.
I find that the media constantly misrepresents eating disorders, what they look like and who they affect. As someone who doesn't struggle from a 'typical' eating disorder it really frustrates me. For a lot of people watching, it could be their first exposure to what it means to have an eating disorder and it's important to represent it properly. For others, it could be something they're struggling with themselves and being able to see people that are like them is massively important in not feeling so alone. I remember the first time I ever saw binge eating portrayed in a television show. It made me cry. I realised for the first time that I wasn't the only one who experienced these crazy feelings around food, how food could comfort me and yet terrify me, how it controlled my life. I had only ever seen thin, young, white women experience eating disorders on television before. I didn't think I fit in. I was embarrassed and ashamed. Seeing myself and my disorder on tv empowered me. It gave me strength to go see a professional. I don't know if it'll ever go away but I understand it so much better now. I just wish more people could have that.
[Help] my boyfriend punched me
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Mon May 7 02:22:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hly6g/my_boyfriend_punched_me/
---
last night i got really upset because i ate 1900 calories. boyfriend took my depression as an excuse to do what he always does and he acted out to make it about him. he curled up and said "dont touch me" and threatened to hurt me if i did.
he started punching the couch in anger and he clocked me on the arm and my back. idk what to do because hes never angry or violent, he apologised but i just feel like i'm ruining everyone around me and turning them into monsters because of my monster
[Help] Weight Loss on Abilify
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Mon May 7 02:20:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hlxtx/weight_loss_on_abilify/
---
Has anyone ever lost weight on abilify or maybe even gained weight?
[Discussion] Not again
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Mon May 7 01:38:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hlro1/not_again/
---
xc
Why
I just had a long few hours of extreme motivation. I told myself tomorrow at work I would fast
Well
Its 3:30 am and I just filled my stomach after being good all day... I made a hot n spicy shrimp bowl... I only had a little noodles but drank all the broth.. then I had some light kettle corn and then some god damn apple sauce. Whyyyy am I like this... I bought some pants I've been wanting for a long time (boyish camo jeans) found them at the good will... I just want to be thin enough for them to fit me right.
I'm a 9 in women's pants and I found it in that section. I open to see the tag it's rly a size 8. I take it to the fitting room and it zips but it isn't completely flattering.. of course not.
I just want to look good for once. My birthday is in a week exactly :c of course I would stuff my face :"(
5'1 1/2"
Cw 145lbs
Gw 115lbs
Age ...a week from 19
I'm too old for this
Day one of the fast
/u/ElectricalDeer87
Created: Mon May 7 00:44:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hljan/day_one_of_the_fast/
---
I have been way too sloppy with allowing things to slip through. ANd my psychiatrist really doesn't want me to stop Seroquel. So I'm fighting this damn urge and I'm gonna fucking do it. If not for me, do it to punish the Seroquel. (It only made me more psychotic anyway.)
[Discussion] Birth Control Advice?
/u/elvirahancock69
Created: Mon May 7 00:26:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hlggr/birth_control_advice/
---
I recently started taking the mini\-pill \(norethindrone\) and I am having some doubts.
I would really love to hear what birth control people have been on and how it has affected you \(and your ED\). I'm nervous about possible weight gain, skin problems, \(warning: **tmi\)** libido, etc.
[Discussion] I wish food could be what my mind hypes it up to be
/u/radbitch666
Created: Mon May 7 00:19:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hlfc0/i_wish_food_could_be_what_my_mind_hypes_it_up_to/
---
I’m sure others feel this and it’s been discussed but I just like need to say it myself. Food always just sounds, tastes, feels and is better in my head than when I actually eat it. Afterwards I just think like tbh it’s not really good enough to warrant not losing weight...and I just forget this before I eat again??? Rinse and repeat it never ends I can’t stop this fucking cycle. I hope you guys are having a better day than I am 💜
Has anyone's ed changed their taste for food?
/u/glossboy
Created: Sun May 6 23:40:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hl8zj/has_anyones_ed_changed_their_taste_for_food/
---
This is going to sound so weird, but I can clearly *remember* the last time a meal tasted good to me.
It was a weekend night after an EDM concert. I danced a lot that night including a lot of head banging lol. During that time I had a normal mindset of how to diet healthily but I still didn't eat much that day so by the end of it I was really hungry. I went to my friend's boyfriend's house and he offered up some pizza.
I just remember how good that one slice tasted. Kind of like when you hit the right spot and just the right amount of food.
Ever since I've had my ed though, food just doesn't taste good anymore. This doesn't mean I don't binge... I still binge like crazy. But now binges don't even feel good.
That first initial bite of my favorite food is underwhelming and sometimes almost disgusting. But I still have this void, a need to shovel food in my mouth, so I do it anyway but it feels like shit because everything just tastes like shit.
Boys (and some reverse thinspo?)
/u/carlisam9797
Created: Sun May 6 23:18:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hl5cr/boys_and_some_reverse_thinspo/
---
No boys will even look at me now that I'm fat again. I feel so hideous. When I was thin, I used be shown off like a prize, wined and dined weekly at the nicest restaurants \(with ample fasting before, of course :P\). Now I can't even get a second date.
A boy who I casually talked to for a while last year \(before I was ever thin, I lost a lot and gained a lot back in the space of around a year and a half\) dumped me and immediately started dating a girl who's much prettier and thinner than I am. I hadn't seen them since.
Today, I had been craving chips for a while so I decided to budget them into 800/day. It's late night in the library \(finals\) and I walked downstairs looking an absolute mess to grab my treat from the vending machine. I grab the bag of chips and stand up to see the boy and his gorgeous girlfriend right behind me, with a full view of my flabby legs shoved into a pair of yoga pants with panty lines showing, bunned up hair, and face without a stitch of makeup. I thought I was in some kind of proED nightmare. I wanted to DIE. Needless to say, threw the chips away and attempted to puke for good measure.
[Rant/Rave] Pathetic
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Sun May 6 23:09:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hl3qr/pathetic/
---
I'm a recovering drug addict. I recently anquired (not on purpose) a bottle of tramadol. I binged because the craving was stressing me out and I thought it would some how alleviate the craving, but now I just feel disgusting and want the drugs even more :)
Why am I like this :)
Snapchat Group?
/u/undertheweather123
Created: Sun May 6 22:31:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hkxa7/snapchat_group/
---
I can totally understand why some people might not want to do this/be apprehensive about it, but would any of you guys like to start a group on snapchat? It could be a support thing or we could snap each other pictures of our food or whatever you guys want! Everyone would be welcomed obviously, whether you’re suffering from anorexia, bulimia, BED, etc.
Again, I realize nobody might want to do this, but thought I’d put the idea out there in case anyone is interested.
PM me your username if you want in! :)
P.S. hope you all have an awesome day!!! <3
first water fast!
/u/anonproedgirl24
Created: Sun May 6 22:12:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hktse/first_water_fast/
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I’m starting a water fast, first time! I want to do 3 days but if I made it past 24 hours i’ll be happy . Please drop down motivation and how to get rid of hunger pangs. Also my parents think I don’t eat enough and force me to, any ideas on how i can hide that i’m not eating from them? Thanks :)
[Goal] Day #1 of not having b/p last night. I’m begging myself to keep this up.
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Sun May 6 21:59:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hkrb4/day_1_of_not_having_bp_last_night_im_begging/
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[Help] Does this mean 140kcals for the whole thing or just for each section??
/u/JimMakingTheFace
Created: Sun May 6 21:35:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hkmum/does_this_mean_140kcals_for_the_whole_thing_or/
---
https://i.redd.it/obhebq97tcw01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Short rant just to get feelings out
/u/Grellous8
Created: Sun May 6 21:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hkjb7/short_rant_just_to_get_feelings_out/
---
What the fuck. I'm such a pussy. What 16 year old guy gets an ED? Lol how the fuck does this even happen? Why can't I just be normal like every other guy my age TRYING ONLY TO GAIN WEIGHT ffs? Anyone else have the same situation?
[Rant/Rave] I so hate myself
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Sun May 6 21:13:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hkint/i_so_hate_myself/
---
Okay so just another rant. I am so sick of bulemia. My knuckles are scarred and sore. It leaves me feeling hungry and unsatisfied. I have no idea how many calories I have absorbed but I know I’m over my TDEE. I feel fat and useless and like a failure
This is the first time though, I’ve decided I want to stop. It’s not worth it. Yes I love the taste of food, I love eating, there’s no doubt about that. But I have to accept if I’m going to eat, then I am ok with the calories. So hopefully this will stop me binging. I never want to throw up again.
[Rant/Rave] When your bf starts to catch on
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Sun May 6 20:46:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hkd5z/when_your_bf_starts_to_catch_on/
---
Well fuck me sideways with a chainsaw (kudos if you know what movie that’s from). Lately he’s been asking me if I want him to make me anything to eat. Today he had to sprinkle in, “if you haven’t eaten in awhile.”
[Help] Any singers out there??
/u/qu1et1
Created: Sun May 6 20:23:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hk8b0/any_singers_out_there/
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Kind of an unusual question, but....
Just wondering if weight loss has affected your singing at all. Recently I finally got back to being “underweight” and now suddenly these past few days I feel like suddenly I have ZERO breath support and I’m not sure if it’s just a few bad singing days or if it’s related to weight loss. (Like losing muscle mass or not having enough energy to sustain it or both.) I didn’t start singing until after my last relapse/recovery, so I have nothing to compare this to lol
I am always waiting for the fall
/u/fourfoldcat
Created: Sun May 6 20:14:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hk6b8/i_am_always_waiting_for_the_fall/
---
Everytime I feel good about my body I am hit with a brick.
Today that brick was the form of my boyfriend's old prom date. She has abs, is thin, and was "the girl" to be with in high school
I tried following her on instagram multiple times but was declined. I feel obsessive, I have to have her pictures so i can analyze and compare every part of me to her.
My boyfriend showed me her pictures to show what he meant by recommending I get fit.
He tells me I'm hot and I'm beautiful but how can I believe that?
How can I think that when I'm not her. When she is his ideal.
I secretly love when he makes me feel bad about my body. I throw myself into this pit of dysmorphia and hate myself. Normal suggestions that other people would take as constructive I take as destructive.
I let it marinate in my mind until I'm convinced there is nothing good about me. Why is he even with me? Is he doing me a favor when we have sex? Is it possible for me to just stop eating until I become like that?
Is my body even built to look like that one day?
I've become addicted to b/p and hate it.
/u/alyssarach
Created: Sun May 6 20:12:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hk5rn/ive_become_addicted_to_bp_and_hate_it/
---
After months of restricting, I lost control one night and binged on so much junk food. I felt disgusting the second I finished and waited 10 minutes before purging. Ever since that day, I feel like I lost control and can't get back to my normal restriction.
Every single day, I have started a cycle of b/p and feel as if I have become addicted. I want my stomach to feel empty, so why am I unable to stop binging?
I just feel so gross and upset with myself.
"I Don't Feel Well, I Might Not Eat Dinner"
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Sun May 6 20:03:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hk3wj/i_dont_feel_well_i_might_not_eat_dinner/
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Was my excuse and this is the wonderful exchange that ensued.
Mother-in-Law: "She's got an eating disorder."
Father-in-Law: " Don't starve yourself. Just eat and then purge!"
Mother-in-Law: "that's just bad for teeth!"
Me: (:
Me internally: #AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
[Rant/Rave] People talking about eds(vent)
/u/ihavenojams
Created: Sun May 6 19:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hjzn1/people_talking_about_edsvent/
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Ok so this probs doesn't make any sense to others. But I'm sitting here trying not to lose it because I'm listening to my brother say that bulimia is bullshit. He's saying that bulimia is the mental stage where people don't believe you will absorb calories if you puke it up. LIKE NO! IT IS A MENTAL ILLNESS. Ahh I just needed to vent. Like people don't even know what they're saying when they talk about eds.
[Rant/Rave] I hate myself
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Sun May 6 19:34:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hjxoe/i_hate_myself/
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I hate myself. I hate that I'm not losing weight fast enough, I hate that my stomach still sticks out, I hate that my thighs are so big, I hate that I can't stick to my diet, I hate that I can't see my hip bones.
For as long as I've been dealing with this eating disorder, I've never passed out. Sure, I get dizzy but I've never hit the floor. That makes me feel like I've never been sick enough. I'm not sick now. I'm not even below 140 lbs. I'm so frustrated with how slow I'm progressing.
You're heard and important
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Sun May 6 19:31:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hjx7o/youre_heard_and_important/
---
https://i.redd.it/sj4vrl837cw01.png
[Rant/Rave] Motivation
/u/shortyaten
Created: Sun May 6 19:15:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hjtuz/motivation/
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[The Progress I’ve Made](https://imgur.com/a/Gxy4uLI)
So I’ve written a few days ago that I’ve lost 16 pounds. It’s possible. I could never believe it
[Discussion] DAE suspect their ED revolves around fixing their personality and that the physical manifestation of it is secondary?
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sun May 6 19:11:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hjt1d/dae_suspect_their_ed_revolves_around_fixing_their/
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Purposefully subjecting myself to pain is my way of deluding myself that I can metamorphose into a decent person if I work hard enough, and thinness is just a litmus test of change. Unlike self\-reflection, the scale doesn't allow me to obscure the truth. Losing weight feels like gradually transforming into something foreign, like inching closer to some vaguely defined goal of betterness, which is infinitely more important than my appearance. I don't know why I bother having a target weight. My ultimate goal weight isn't a number, it's a state of being in which I'm capable of wanting and being wanted, of not drifting aimlessly through life, of not seeking to punish myself at every possible opportunity, of being loved.
Worst nightmare, quite literally
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Sun May 6 19:08:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hjsb3/worst_nightmare_quite_literally/
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So I’ve had plenty of those bingeing nightmares where I wake up confused and thinking DID I JUST EAT A WHOLE PIZZA but last night brought the joy of a whole new anxiety dream: the sudden development of giant red stretch marks all over my legs! Honestly it was horrible, in the dream I looked down at my legs and they were like 2x the size they really are and covered in huge stretch marks. It woke me up all upset and sweaty. Ugh.
TW: Gal Gadot is triggering as fuck.
/u/kpatable
Created: Sun May 6 18:45:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hjnia/tw_gal_gadot_is_triggering_as_fuck/
---
Celebs usually don't make me feel *that* bad about my body; I can usually justify them having a body more ideal to society bc of reasons like "she's a cis woman, so that's why she's curvier," or "she's taller/shorter or significantly lighter than I am, so that's why X body part is different than mine." But Gal Gadot is just a *little bit* taller (1 inch) and a *little bit* lighter (8 lbs) than I am - so the fact that her waist is allegedly *5 fucking inches smaller* than mine can ONLY be because she just lucked the fuck out with her genes, regardless of her being cisgender. So of course I can't help but feel inherently inferior to her - I don't have another excuse to use to easily fight off my ED and low self esteem thoughts. I would have to get 2+ ribs removed AND do corset training to have a waist comparable to hers. And she isn't JUST a model, either, so that makes it even worse. Ugh. Idfk. I just needed to vent to people who understand. Thanks for reading <3
[Rant/Rave] Might have to take a break from fasts... what do you guys think? [mostly rant]
/u/lights-in-the-sky
Created: Sun May 6 18:33:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hjl57/might_have_to_take_a_break_from_fasts_what_do_you/
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I've been doing a 3-4 day fast every week for the past.. month or so now. Initially it was going very well, but lately I've been giving in to the urge to binge on the weekends... It's been causing me digestive issues, because I cannot fucking control myself when I break the fast. I always feel ravenous and end up eating shit that I *know* is gonna be hard on my stomach. I haven't been losing as much weight as I should, either - I've even been gaining some, despite an overall weekly deficit (whether that's food/water weight or actual fat, idk, but it's so frustrating).
I dunno. I think maybe I should stop with the fasts for awhile, even if it means losing more slowly? It's depressing to me because I wanted to be down 5 pounds by my birthday, but I'm more concerned about gaining back the weight I lost through binging. I hate that I can't control myself.
Am I fasting too often? Is it dangerous to go from fasting to binging to fasting like I've been doing? :(
And if any of you fast - how on earth do you avoid binging when you start eating again?!? It's like... it's actually easier for me to stop eating altogether than it is to restrict heavily on a daily basis, as weird as that sounds?
Sorry for the rant.
[Rant/Rave] Anyone else think these are absolutely amazing?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Sun May 6 18:18:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hjhv9/anyone_else_think_these_are_absolutely_amazing/
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https://i.redd.it/5i7scyv4ubw01.jpg
[Help] So torn! I’ve been steadily gymming a healthy amount for the first time in my life and it makes me brain feel good, but then, I step on the scale...
/u/thunderbirdandspice
Created: Sun May 6 18:07:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hjf6w/so_torn_ive_been_steadily_gymming_a_healthy/
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So I’ve posted before, my usual weight now that I’m ‘recovered’ hovers around 140, and at 5’10” I HATE it but I have a boyfriend that praises my body, which does help.
Now that I’ve been gymming and getting into weightlifting, on top of doing exercises that are supposed to help with leaning my body, I thought that I would lose weight, or at least stay the same?
Yesterday I got on the scale and was a mind blowing 151. This is the first place I’ve admitted that outloud, wow. I’m just so embarrassed. I even lied to my boyfriend and just said I was sad about it coming to 145, which he blamed on water weight.
We’re about to go to the gym again here in a bit and I gotta weigh in and I’m sweating like industrial sized swimming pools under my tits, I swear. I’m so nervous.
Don’t even get me started on gym clothes. I look genuinely so bad in everything, and of course the gym is surrounded in mirrors. They feel like they’re mocking me, having me look at my butt and thighs and arms and stomach. And my boyfriend and I have started fighting regularly because he’s sick of hearing me cut myself down. I can’t let this keep me from going though. SO MUCH ANXIETY RIGHT NOW.
Guys, is there anything that can relieve any of the strain and anxiety going on in my mind? It just feels like a giant scribble and I know I’m word vomiting. My brain feels like a scribble. Even some words of comfort would feel nice. Anything.
[Help] How to look less suspicious wearing tons of layers in the summer?
/u/TinyShelby
Created: Sun May 6 17:55:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hjcqh/how_to_look_less_suspicious_wearing_tons_of/
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Ok so I’ve had this issue for a while, and it is only getting worse. On top of being small/shrinking I also have anemia (go figure) so I am constantly freezing. Usually it’s fine to wear lots of layers in the fall/winter/spring but the warmer it gets, the more people I have hassle me about wearing hoodies/sweatpants/jackets in the summer. I really don’t want to draw attention to myself any more than necessary. What do you all do about being very cold in the summer? Thanks all!
[Rant/Rave] Shows with eating disorders
/u/muscularjet
Created: Sun May 6 17:38:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hj97h/shows_with_eating_disorders/
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*So I made a post the other day, and I was in the wrong then, and am sorry for any offence caused.
My initial querie wasn't unreasonable, but most of the judgement on my comments after that was stupid. *
**this is my opinion based off of the things that I have watched**
Anyway, so I've noticed that in shows about anorexia, the storyline normally always goes like this. Person gets triggered by something in their lives, person stops eating completely, people find out pretty soon because person is unable to touch any food.
There is no gradual development of the ilness.
Also, they always use severe restrictive anorexia. Some do fast, but lots of people with anorexia don't fast all the time, it's not very realistic.
So not only is the eating disorder extremely fast to completely control the character with no gradual build, but it's also very extreme and severe.
They don't really educate people about the eating disorders that affect more people, like BED, or OSFED, or any of the anorexia subtypes.
Also, since the most common eating disorder I have seen on television is anorexia, this is another point I want to make. People who suffer from extreme cases of restrictive anorexia, will also suffer from severe weight loss, the character in the shows normally doesn't lose as much weight as their eating habits should make them lose. I don't think that unhealthy eating should be encouraged among actresses, but I do think it is important that if the main character suffers from severe restrictive anorexia, that they get the most naturally physically suited role for the part. I think a good example would be Ciaro Bravo from Red Band Society.
They should also do better with using more effects as the eating disorder progresses and showing other symptoms such as blue nails, thinning hair, etc.
Of course another way to sort out this plot hole would be to make the character have a less severe case of restrictive anorexia. It's simple, stop the show consisting of the character constantly fasting.
I don't think many shows about eating disorders focus on the constant mental battle that eating disorder sufferers have.
I also think that many shows glorify eating disorders by other characters giving way too much positive attention to the character that's suffering.
[Rant/Rave] discharged from inpatient
/u/kennedyconnolly8
Created: Sun May 6 17:33:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hj7zl/discharged_from_inpatient/
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well last time i was here, i was debating residential. i went to get an EKG to get medical clearance for the program... my heart rate was 34. during the day. oops.
so i got admitted to the hospital for two weeks... IT WAS AWFUL. dont take your body for granted, ya’ll. i was supposed to be going to college next year but i doubt it now.
my meal plan is about 4000 calories right now. i pretty much have 6 meals a day haha... i just got sent home and i know its going to be harder because my parents will be here doing meals instead of a nurse.
im also not allowed to exercise at all, not even walking my 13 year old dog that goes 2mph. im going to lose my mind.
im just posting this as a rant i guess. does anyone want to talk? you can pm me.
I Can’t Do This
/u/xoxoxox74
Created: Sun May 6 17:04:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hj1s8/i_cant_do_this/
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I don’t think I can live with myself anymore... I want to be perfect, or be done.
Need help understanding my girlfriends eating problems, don't take this is as rude because I don't mean it to be
/u/Im_Crafty
Created: Sun May 6 17:03:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hj1kz/need_help_understanding_my_girlfriends_eating/
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My girlfriend had a really traumatic thing happen to her a few months ago. She was in a really vulnerable place. Very out of control emotionally. She was looking for control and stability and came across this reddit. Wrong place, wrong time. She started doing some of the things that were recommended and talked about here. A couple months later and a lot of weight lost later she came to me and told me. She had started puking when she didn't want to. She started becoming addicted to it. It gave her comfort having a secret only she knew about and only she could control. She lost control of it and she realized that. It's been about a month or two since then. She's started eating more(she was basically not eating at all before and was purging whenever she would give in and eat more than her very small and strict diet would allow) and she kept up with her side of the deal, which was eat twice a day, stay away from this reddit and tell me if she failed either of those. So there have been three times where this happened, and one time she went very far with it but luckily she told me before it got to out of hand(we had gotten into a really big fight and I made a mistake).
So this is where I need to hear some words from people who understand her mentality. I am very patient with her because I love her more than anything. But I want to understand the best i can so I can respond the right way.
For example yesterday she weighed herself and she had found out she gained two pounds and she came to this reddit. I was mad but not at her so I didn't take it out on her. I stayed calm and explained to her it was a mistake. I know sometimes she will mess up and fall off and I could understand why that would make her fall off, but she told me and I am very proud of her for telling me. But when she tells me she isn't hungry when she hasn't ate all day after weeks of eating normally, I struggle with how to respond. Because her brain is telling her she's not hungry when she's starving. If there is anyway, how can I get her to see that?
I don't want to force her to eat. But I do want to help her to be healthy. I do want to make sure she eats when she's really hungry. It's just very hard. I refuse to force her. But I want to help her.
So if there's anything any of you could tell me that you think would help me understand more I would love to hear it because I just want what is best for her, and no offence to anyone here but starving herself is not what she needs and I'm glad she realized that.
To be clear this post is in no shape or form meant to blame, or shame anyone here. Going to delete this in a few. I appreciate you reading this.
Choose Successful Person and See What It Says About Your Personality
/u/maxim_xd1
Created: Sun May 6 16:42:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hix2r/choose_successful_person_and_see_what_it_says/
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https://youtu.be/rKLIQK022bo
What’s the end game here?
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Sun May 6 16:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hit01/whats_the_end_game_here/
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I’ve been fighting with my ED for just 9 months. Before that I was overweight and eating and just living life, hating myself and my body but not dying....in the last month the health problems have started. And I can’t stop. I can’t stop restricting, I can’t stop counting. People aren’t congratulating me on my weight loss anymore. They look concerned. Everyone is saying “you’re done losing weight now right? There’s nothing left of you to lose.” I keep saying my weight hasn’t changed in months but it has - the drop from 160 to 105 happened over months but now I’m down to 95 and it’s the last 10 lbs people seem to be worried about. And I just can’t stop. I have heart palpitations and panic attacks constantly. My eyes twitch every day. I take vitamins and eat fruits and vegetables like there’s no tomorrow but i still think I’m going to die from this. But god, I look so good. Like I’m so tiny and I love it. I don’t want to lose more weight I just can’t stand to gain and it feels like it has to be one or the other. So what’s the end game? Do I keep losing until I die? I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know how to be so happy being this small but also so scared for my health. Sorry for the rant. Yet another panic attack reminding me how fucked up I am
[Discussion] Lifespan?
/u/ObservingSilence
Created: Sun May 6 16:19:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hirnd/lifespan/
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What is the average lifespan of an eating disordered person that doesn’t seek out recovery?
[Question] What is the formula for calculating calories per gram?
/u/pailblusea
Created: Sun May 6 15:18:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hicyc/question_what_is_the_formula_for_calculating/
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On mobile so can't flair...
I don't know if I am calculating right so maybe someone good in math can help? Is it calories divided by grams or grams divided by calories? I know whatever that answer is I multiply by total grams of my meal to get the calories. I am just confused today.
Can someone post a visual on piece of paper? I think that will help.
Thank you!
[Help] Longest I’ve gone without eating in months but not sure if it counts as a fast!!
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sun May 6 15:02:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hi93w/longest_ive_gone_without_eating_in_months_but_not/
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I’ve been so sloppy with my ed this whole year so far and it’s been a mix of bingeing for a couple days with fasting days thrown in. I stopped weighing myself to try and recover a lil so I have no clue my weight but I’m sure it’s 10lbs up.
ANYWAYS food has been less appealing and with summer coming I have been starting to get my shit together. I haven’t ate in ~60 hours buuuuuuut I’ve gotten drunk on vodka the past two nights. So I know I have consumed prob like 200 cals each day so I’m bummed I can’t consider it a fast but oh well. At least I’m taking in barely any cals.
The thing is tho I feel fine?? Obvs a lil weak but not sick or anything and no light headedness so I feel like even the alcohol cals were too many??
[Rant/Rave] Not sure how to take a friends comments
/u/anonymous_jen
Created: Sun May 6 14:55:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hi7dv/not_sure_how_to_take_a_friends_comments/
---
He’s not actually my friend, but my boyfriends good friend so we are friends by association lol. So I’ve known him for like 6 months and he has always commented on my size (he is muuuuuch bigger than me- like over 6 foot and 200+ lbs and I am 5 foot and around 110 but even bigger when he first met me). He always makes a point to call me small and always mentioning how I only weigh 80lbs blah blah blah. And I’ve noticed he is doing it more and more.
***backstory- when I originally met him he was dating my best friend and I was in another relationship*
I usually like to be called small so I didn’t think much of it and it of course was nice to hear esp when I don’t see myself that way. But a couple months ago my boyfriend told me about how he knew I had issues with food because this friend had told him, apparently my ex said something to this friend along the lines of me not eating.
So knowing that he might know I have an ed makes me feel uncomfortable when he mentions my size and I don’t know how to take it. (Not uncomfortable enough to say something but he literally brings it up every time I see him- like even in irrelevant situations and I’m just like why???)
[Rant/Rave] Oh hey cellulite
/u/fartforfun
Created: Sun May 6 14:53:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hi6vp/oh_hey_cellulite/
---
https://i.redd.it/pbs0pe7itaw01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Been trying to lose weight in a healthy way and fix my relationship with food and ended up breaking down
/u/cisheterpatriarchy
Created: Sun May 6 14:52:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hi6oo/been_trying_to_lose_weight_in_a_healthy_way_and/
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I am so done. I never want to eat again I am so disgusting and bloated and ugly and it's all because of BINGING and the only way I am able to stop binging is when I stop eating completely.
I rely on food. Whenever I am upset I binge. It has become more than just an occasional binge. It has become almost every day that I binge now. And I say, 'it's ok. It's the last day I will ever do this' only for me to do it again the next day.
I tried exercising. My lower body has only become bulkier and I am starting to lose motivation to do my everyday workout because I fuck it all up by binging.
I was at 64kg last week (stopped eating). For the first time I was below 65kg and I was ecstatic. Today I am 65.5kg. I look disgusting. My face has bloated up, my skin has broken out. My stomach is horrendously big. I have been binging for a week straight and it is very visible.
And yet, even though I know how bad it makes me feel, I continue to do it. I stuff my face full of food just for a few minutes of happiness only to feel like a PIG straight after.
I hate Binge Eating Disorder
Please, someone help me. I don't know who to tell or what to do. I have been in a binge-fast cycle for months and I am very depressed. I know it is as easy as controlling myself but it's so difficult. I want it to stop!
I can't believe how much my ex effects my eating disorder
/u/ButterflyThin
Created: Sun May 6 14:29:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hi11j/i_cant_believe_how_much_my_ex_effects_my_eating/
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Crazy persont rant:
My eating disorder started coming up when we started dating. When he broke up with me I fasted for a week, something I haven't managed to do again. Just yesterday I decided to stalk him on Facebook like any normal and sane person, him and his fiancee are losing weight so naturally I have to beat them. He's 70 lb higher then my HW and she's 20 lb heavier than my HW, I can't believe how good that made me feel. Plus im 62 lb down from my HW on my own. I don't even care about him, like I don't want him back but I feel the need to make sure my life is always better than his. I was also pleased to see my wedding will be a year ahead of theirs, my relationship with my SO started a few months ahead of theirs so again I felt like I "won". She can keep him, he's an abusive cheater, but no matter what I HAVE to be thinner than her. I'm not usually a competitive person and I don't care what other people have except him and I have no idea why.
Going to a potluck tonight
/u/ricerollers
Created: Sun May 6 14:13:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hhwvh/going_to_a_potluck_tonight/
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How do I survive???? Put me around a bunch of food and it’s the end for me 😪
[Discussion] Anyone else have a Fitbit? It's giving me ISSUES lol
/u/thin-kitty
Created: Sun May 6 13:46:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hhq6c/anyone_else_have_a_fitbit_its_giving_me_issues_lol/
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So I recently got the new Fitbit Versa, which I love (it's cute, tracks steps, sleep, notifications!) but I'm quite annoyed because I'm positive the 'calories burned' aren't accurate.
I've done like 11,600 steps today and it's saying I've burned 2,306 total and it's almost 9 pm here. If I ate 2,300 calories I'm positive I'd gain, not maintain.
I know these things are meant to be taken with a grain of salt but it just annoys me so much. Anyone else experience this?
[Help] i physically can’t eat anymore??
/u/pinpeach
Created: Sun May 6 13:38:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hho8q/i_physically_cant_eat_anymore/
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I’ve been heavily restricting for about a month now and it’s gotten to the point where eating is almost impossible. It’s taken me an hour to get through half a cup of rice just because it’s so hard to get down. I am hungry but the action of eating is extremely difficult and makes me feel sick. Does anyone know why this could be or relate to this?
Welp, this is my life now...
/u/UnderseaK
Created: Sun May 6 13:17:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hhiv3/welp_this_is_my_life_now/
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Today I realized that, no, this is not normal behavior. I mean I knew that, but I got to laugh at how ridiculous this is sometimes. I ate 2,500 calories yesterday (curses upon birthday parties with cheesecake) and felt compelled to do SOMETHING about it when I woke up 2.5lbs heavier than yesterday. Still at a deficit for the week, but the number freaked me out.
I then found myself standing in front of my medicine closet wondering how many calories are in chocolate laxatives, and whether consuming them would be breaking my 18hr fast.
I have a problem you guys. 😂😂😂
[Rant/Rave] got called skinny and slim this week!
/u/69plasticflowers
Created: Sun May 6 12:43:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hha6d/got_called_skinny_and_slim_this_week/
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first, my friend who hasn't seen me much in the last two months \(i'd lost 16lbs since then\) called me slim when he put his arm around my waist on thursday. then yesterday people on twitter \(both my ed account and my main!\) called me skinny. the weird part is today's the first time i saw any movement in the scale after two weeks of maintaining from clumsy and miserable b/p\-ing.
regardless, the 2lb loss since yesterday after two weeks of a stagnant scale combined with those compliments and the fact that i'm 35 hours into a water fast has me feeling AMAZING today!
[Rant/Rave] 10 things I hate about me
/u/agentcherrycola
Created: Sun May 6 12:11:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hh22m/10_things_i_hate_about_me/
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1. The deep wrinkles and purple bags under my eyes that never disappear, even with several weeks' good sleep
2. That bump at the bottom of my stomach that I know is a fat pad but never goes away
2. The fat on the tops of my thighs that makes my legs look so much fatter than they are, that stops me from ever getting a thigh gap, and that I can always feel rubbing when I walk
3. The tiny tiny fat pads on the insides of my knees that also rub together
4. The dent in one side of my ribcage
5. The way only one of my collarbones pokes out, no matter how much weight I lose
6. All the fat around my back and sides that only appears when I wear a bra, and doesn't improve even with a beautifully fitting one
7. The wide pelvis that means I'll never have a sleek modelesque shape
8. The tiny hands and feet that are dainty and perfect but also emphasise how big the rest of me is in comparison
9. The acne scars on my ass and thighs that make bikinis and swimsuits so embarrassing to wear in public
10. The fine veins and wrinkles that are appearing over my cheeks and legs despite only just entering my 20s
anyone else feel like they need to work to deserve food?
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sun May 6 11:49:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hgwd4/anyone_else_feel_like_they_need_to_work_to/
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every morning i'll make a mental checklist of things that i feel need to be accomplished before/between meals. if i haven't done everything i've planned i don't feel worthy enough to eat tbh, like i haven't spent enough energy in order to be consuming more or something. its exhausting.
[Trigger Warning] Who here feels/is suicidal?
/u/cupcakeraynebowjones
Created: Sun May 6 11:22:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hgpgn/trigger_warning_who_here_feelsis_suicidal/
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I have a lot of wonderful things in my life. There are kind people who want to be around me, I've found a job I care about, I live in a beautiful place, etc.
But bulimia is the black hole I can't escape from. I can't help but think I will die in one of 2 ways-- bulimia will kill me, or I will kill myself.
I am also depressed. My depression and my eating disorder are closely linked. (I don't know if the depression causes the eating disorder, but when one improves both improve.)
I've cycled through just about every eating disorder behavior. But never do I feel more suicidal than when I'm in a B/P cycle! It's a special hell and makes me feel truly and utterly hopelesquit've tried so many times. I cannot think of a single thing that will get me to quit. They say you have to hit rock bottom before you can recover-- I guess rock bottom for me is death.
Who here has suicidal thoughts? How does it relate to your eating disorder?
Best Dining Tables in Amazon – Top Three Best Sellers
/u/picklikeapro
Created: Sun May 6 11:21:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hgp4o/best_dining_tables_in_amazon_top_three_best/
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https://www.picklikeapro.com/amazon-best-seller-dining-table-top-three/
On binging or eating something "to get rid of it"...
/u/shelifts45
Created: Sun May 6 11:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hgoez/on_binging_or_eating_something_to_get_rid_of_it/
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I've struggled with eating food "to get rid of it" in order to save myself from eating it later, or because I just "feel" like eating. Now, I tell myself that they (my parents/roommates/whomever) will just buy more. That stops me dead in my tracks. Why? Because if I eat something to get rid of it, but more is just going to come in the house, then what? I eat that too? No. Freaking. Way. Just don't eat it with the mindset of "getting rid" of it.
When you're sad, how do you feel better besides eating?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Sun May 6 11:17:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hgo8s/when_youre_sad_how_do_you_feel_better_besides/
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[Help] IHOP Food Suggestions!
/u/bonitahermosura
Created: Sun May 6 11:17:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hgo3q/ihop_food_suggestions/
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I’m planning on getting breakfast with a friend tomorrow from IHOP and I’m struggling to find something that I feel comfortable enough eating. The lowest thing I’ve found is the three stack of buttermilk pancakes for 430cals which is okay but eating that much so early makes me feel weird, so I’m wondering if there’s something even lower.
What do you guys usually get? I’d really appreciate any suggestions!! :)
[Discussion] Boyfriend hid the scale
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Sun May 6 11:14:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hgnh7/boyfriend_hid_the_scale/
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and I've eaten around 1600 calories today, i tried to start recovery, i'm below my TDEE but i still feel like a failure and a fake
and i won't be able to check my weight tomorrow i'm so scared
[Discussion] does anyone else really like cooking and baking ?
/u/ladytulips
Created: Sun May 6 11:00:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hgjos/does_anyone_else_really_like_cooking_and_baking/
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i learned to cook when i became a vegan, and had to start making my own meals. i grew to love cooking. later on I got really into baking because i love to surprise people with really good vegan pastries and cakes, non-vegans don’t expect vegan food to be decadent and delicious.
then i developed an eating disorder and now everything is fucked. it sucks having an eating disorder and being into cooking, i can’t fucking enjoy the stuff i make. i’ll make a cake and be absolutely frightened of it. it’s ridiculous. especially when you know exactly how much butter and oil and sugar there is in it.
however, my boyfriend isn’t vegan so here’s where i score! i can make him food that’s non vegan, and i get to do my hobby without having to partake in the eating part of it. and it’s not suspicious, i just look like a caring girlfriend who’s selfless enough to make him scrambled eggs with bacon even though i’m vegan. in reality i’m self obsessed, but nobody knows.
anyone else who’s into baking and cooking?? how do you manage? what do you guys cook?
[Other] Does anyone here have orthorexia too?
/u/-PM-ME-NICE-THINGS-
Created: Sun May 6 10:21:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hg9xd/does_anyone_here_have_orthorexia_too/
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Don't get me wrong everyone here has been lovely to me, but it would be nice to talk to someone who's got similar issues with food so we could maybe try cheering each other on in battle?
Hope you all have a lovely day regardless of why you're here!
[Help] is there anything i can do to feel less anxious about food?
/u/dyingtobefitt
Created: Sun May 6 10:17:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hg8y7/is_there_anything_i_can_do_to_feel_less_anxious/
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i have logged everything i ate today so far into mfp
however i constantly have these thoughts like what if i gain weight
or what if i restrict and still maintain my weight
or what if i logged my calories wrong
i feel so anxious
i have to check mfp every five seconds to make sure i logged everything properly
i know i have but i still feel so anxious
[Other] wait does black coffee have calories??
/u/dyingtobefitt
Created: Sun May 6 10:06:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hg6cv/wait_does_black_coffee_have_calories/
---
[Discussion] Fix it Fast
/u/monstersona
Created: Sun May 6 10:01:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hg527/fix_it_fast/
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Hey there. I'm not asking for tips or tricks (I feel like it could be construed that way) but has anyone tried the fix it fast diet? What did you think of it?
Eating more fats - tips?
/u/paraphrasis
Created: Sun May 6 09:39:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hfzn9/eating_more_fats_tips/
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Hi guys. So, here's the thing. My digestion is absolutely hell. As in pain pain pain, and it affects me so much. I've tried all the normal fiber-probiotic-lalalala tips, but nothing has helped. Then my doctor suggested that more fats in my diet might help (which actually makes sense, compared with my earlier experience, so I am going to give it a go). But yeah, basically I do not eat ANY fat at all. She knows that I'll still restrict, but I'll try to change the things I actually do eat.
I don't necessarily want recommendations on whether this is a good idea, because it's just a test.
But I would like to know, what your favourite *"fat-heavy"* foods are? I think I'll start with lean meat and avocado, but I would really like more options. My diet is basically oatmeal, crackers and protein bars atm, so I have no idea where to go with this.
I really want more ED related movies or something to watch!
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Sun May 6 08:59:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hfpyg/i_really_want_more_ed_related_movies_or_something/
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I feel I have exhausted everything...
Lifetime movies, to the bone, supersize vs. superskinny, tracy golds specials, Thin, dr. phil, intervention, binge the 2 episode thingy (which I loved), and random stuff that comes up when you search ED's on youtube.
All this stuff makes me feel not alone, I guess for lack of a better word it's one of my main "interests" (I especially like movies since I feel even though some are true stories they are not focusing on people currently suffering which is something I really do not want the focus on if that makes sense). It is really sad to see others currently stuggling.
I just wish there were more things like Binge.
I need new content! I am saving wintergirls for my last resort type thing as I heard it is really good, yet I don't want to not have content past that!
I don't know what I want from this post? Maybe some suggestions...just something on my mind that I needed to say! Thank you for letting me post it!
Probiotics
/u/plantbasedgoddess
Created: Sun May 6 08:43:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hfm8h/probiotics/
---
I’m looking into trying probiotics for bloating and gas because my bloating after meals is so bad lately. Has anyone else tried this?
How do you stop the stomach gurgles?!
/u/xveritaserumx
Created: Sun May 6 08:06:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hfdy6/how_do_you_stop_the_stomach_gurgles/
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Every time I fast my stomach holds a protest rally and gurgles nonstop. It's really distracting, especially at work or in class. How do y'all gets yours to stop? I've tried drinking liquids and chewing gum and that makes it worse because I guess my stomach starts prepping for even more food lmao
[Rant/Rave] My stomach looks huge
/u/meineschatzi
Created: Sun May 6 07:08:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hf2t1/my_stomach_looks_huge/
---
I had a ‘normal’ Saturday for the first time in months where I went out and ate with people and actually was able to function in social situations. I even had a coffee which I normally wouldn’t because of calories (I don’t drink it black). And we were celebrating some good news with the fam so we all had some cake. I should’ve probably gone without dinner but I felt like takeaway so I said fuck it, and ate pasta with my housemate (again, first time in months). The night before I also ate food at the pub and had a fair few drinks.
So basically I knew it wouldn’t be good but I prepared myself for the damage. I wasn’t supposed to weigh myself but I did. I ate 547 calories today (which I’m now feeling wasn’t low enough, but I had work to do).
My stomach still looks disgusting and huge, and I’m going out with the guy I’m seeing tomorrow night. What if it’s still so huge tomorrow? I’m not gonna eat anything during the day, but even so...I feel fucking hideous, the last thing I want to do is take my clothes off in front of someone. I thought the gross fat tummy would be getting better by now but nope, just as huge as this morning. I feel like I wouldn’t care as much if I weren’t seeing this guy.
I don’t want to regret yesterday. My brain fog is clearing and I’m increasingly able to be in normal situations like that without the anxiety at the time. But how am I supposed to see that as a good thing when my body looks like THIS now?
[Rant/Rave] Extremely depressed over some health genetic results from 23andMe and overeating like crazy.
/u/vitalogy95
Created: Sun May 6 06:16:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hetru/extremely_depressed_over_some_health_genetic/
---
I’ve always had health anxiety and found out I have a genetic blood clotting disorder that makes me like 10 times more like to get a blood clot. On top of that I have a long flight in about a week and that’s a risk for blood clots on it’s own.
I just feel so completely depressed and anxious about this and all I can do is eat. Which obviously tremendously adds to the depression. Feel like I’m digging a deep whole that I’ll never get out of. Ugh
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 06, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 6 06:11:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8het2o/daily_food_diary_may_06_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 06, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun May 6 06:11:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8het2l/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
---
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:
* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found
[Help] How to feel less tired?
/u/Tonilier
Created: Sun May 6 05:41:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8heodi/how_to_feel_less_tired/
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I know there's probably been a million and one threads about this but I've finally had a chance to start heavily restricting (200 cal or less) and 3 days in and I'm back to being utterly exhausted. Other than upping my calorie intake, what can you do to make yourself less tired?
Quick safe foods
/u/narkreturn
Created: Sun May 6 05:35:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8henke/quick_safe_foods/
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What are some easy safe foods that you guys have when you don’t have time to cook? I’m trying to get out of a binge phase and find it hard to eat low calorie foods when I don’t have time to cook them!!!
[Rant/Rave] Really what I needed to see in a restaurant bathroom.. thanks for that 👍😔
/u/NeverIsTooLongAWord
Created: Sun May 6 04:35:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8heerk/really_what_i_needed_to_see_in_a_restaurant/
---
https://i.redd.it/totpi4u6r7w01.jpg
Do i need recovery?
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Sun May 6 04:32:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8heebx/do_i_need_recovery/
---
So guys i need some advice. In september i decided to lose weight. I started with a common sense diet. After a while i found intermittent fasting and fasting in general. I then did omad + keto + a weekly 48/60 hour fast. Short after i discovered calories etc. After feeling like shit the entire time i decided to get my blood drawn. I have very very low testosterone (75 ng dl), vitamin d deficiency etc. I noticed some insane jealousy to ppl who don't have to restrict anything, i barely have any memories of the last months and rather walk in the store then watch porn. I'm not underweight and have ditched the scales. I'm on ssri and trt right now. I decided to move in with my sister to let go over the control over my eating. I have been eating insane amounts of food and often wake up in the middle of the night to go eat. I noticed some recovery symptoms (insane night sweats, hot flashes, increased body temperature). My mind however is stil mentally fucked. I still have these distorted thoughts about food and my body (constant body checking etc). I want my life back but I have no idea how to move forward. Should I just follow this extreme hunger (itching sensation in my throat)? I'm scared of becoming the old fat me again tho. Clothes are already feeling tighter. But I just can't live this life anymore. I'm hearing voices of fitness and food related videos in my head, haven't slept more then 4 hours a night for the last 3 months and suicidal. Any advice?
[Rant/Rave] It’s so hard.....to smoke weed.......and not binge eat
/u/clemintide
Created: Sun May 6 04:28:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hedvb/its_so_hardto_smoke_weedand_not_binge_eat/
---
Well, back on track today
[Intro] Tired of ruining my life, but don't want to stop
/u/clockworkorange_
Created: Sun May 6 02:56:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8he1ga/tired_of_ruining_my_life_but_dont_want_to_stop/
---
Long time lurker, first post here. Feel like I have to get this off my chest, and this community seems supportive and unjudgemental so here goes (sorry for wall of text, on mobile)
Bit of background:
Finally sought help for my long term depression around a year ago and while on the waiting list for CBT, I started exercising as a way of alleviating some of the symptoms and build some kind of routine into my life. Few months go by and the exercise went out the window, by the time my first CBT appointment came around (6 months later) my whole world seemed to revolve around food and weight to the point where I knew there was a problem - crying after spending an hour in the supermarket, fasting for days on end because I went over my cals for the day and lots of other fun stuff!!/s (you all know what I mean haha).
At this point I was still in the overweight BMI range so was terrified to speak up about the problem as I wouldn't be taken seriously. I turned out to be right - opened up to my therapist on my last session of CBT in December and I broke down. He told me to try getting active and eating more fruits and veggies if I'm concerned about my weight (wtf? Side note: I've been vegan for 3 years) and the kicker: I physically looked "healthy" and that he didn't see any cause for concern, proceeded to talk about my BMI and that someone of my weight doesn't raise any alarm bells for him. At this point I was around 150-155lbs at 5'3.
This (amongst other things) threw my disordered thinking into overdrive, as it only confirmed my belief that I was fat and disgusting. Over the past few months I've dropped a further 25lbs and I feel like my whole life has been swallowed up by these thoughts. I've isolated myself from so many friends, so many social occasions revolve around food and the anxiety just isn't worth it. My grades at uni have suffered and my GPA has plummeted in the most important year of my degree. All because I'd rather sit at home and plan out what I'm eating/not eating that day rather than study.
My degree is something I've always been really passionate about, and seeing the effect this is having on my grades does scare me - the fear of failure is terrifying. But the thrill and happiness I get out of restricting outweighs the negatives. I often feel like (I know this sounds mad) but the only thing that truly makes me feel really happy and excited is seeing the number on the scale go down/being complimented on weight loss/achieving a large cal deficit - all other emotions seem a bit numb by comparison?? If that makes sense.
I'm 20lbs away my goal weight and I'm terrified that I won't stop there. As I get smaller I feel fatter and bigger than ever. Anytime I have a moment of clarity and think to myself "wtf are you doing EAT NORMALLY it's just food", the slightest thing will set it all off again.
Not sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. Want to share my thoughts with people who can relate to this and respond with anything other than "YOU LOOK GOOD YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT"
Congrats if you made it down the post this far
Xxxxxx
[Rant/Rave] Uni stress
/u/Sb22312
Created: Sun May 6 02:46:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8he05k/uni_stress/
---
I hate how uni makes me feel so out of control and fucking inadaqute, my programming assingment wasn't working so my solution was to eat the healthy snacks I brought to the the library ( fine) then go and buy a tiffin from the kitchen in the library (Not fine) . After freaking out about that I proceeded to try and purge in the library toliets but got paranoid about being over heard . I don't know how to cope my days calories totalled are at about 1000 so far including my lunch . I'm meant to be like recovering so I should be fine with that amount but I look on mfp and it just wrecks me .
Guess the plan is to continue to work have my planned lunch then hut the gym super hard and have salad for dinner maybe . Any advice at all would be helpful I need to stop emotionally eating
How do you explain your ED to a loved one?
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Sun May 6 01:34:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hdq5y/how_do_you_explain_your_ed_to_a_loved_one/
---
[Help] What’s an EC stack?
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Sun May 6 00:48:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hdjan/whats_an_ec_stack/
---
And what does it consist of?
[Discussion] Asian Body Expectations
/u/ladydaisy79
Created: Sun May 6 00:46:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hdiyb/asian_body_expectations/
---
So this is also kind of a rant/rave. Are there any other Asians out there who feel like there’s this ridiculously high expectation for us to be stick thin? With perfect milky skin and shiny black hair? Like there’s no other definition of Asian beauty that’s acceptable besides that. I’m so tired of seeing and feeling like I’m always compared to that standard and thanks to my high thighs from playing sports, I can never achieve that body type. Fml.
[Tip] Late night wisdom from my fortune cookie ❤
/u/xxnevi
Created: Sun May 6 00:44:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hdim9/late_night_wisdom_from_my_fortune_cookie/
---
https://i.redd.it/ftxgm930m6w01.jpg
Upside to bingeing
/u/BeautySmooch
Created: Sun May 6 00:38:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hdhnn/upside_to_bingeing/
---
Even though I feel like puking, I take comfort in knowing that I exceeded my protein, fibre, Vitamin C, calcium, and iron goals today.
[Help] please help
/u/nchlaz
Created: Sat May 5 23:44:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hd9j0/please_help/
---
Went to bed after taking a sleeping pill and my Prozac. Felt really tired so I know it kicked in. All of a sudden, for like 20 minutes, my heart starts racing and the only thing that helps is doing like a whole body basically involuntary twitch or moving my body as much as possible. I’m sooo terrified.. I ate 250 cals more than I planned for today even though I didn’t really feel hungry just because I was so scared. I feel a little bit better now that I ate more but am I like dying..
Posting here to make myself accountable...
/u/das_baconator
Created: Sat May 5 23:37:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hd8eh/posting_here_to_make_myself_accountable/
---
Fuck I just really want to be thin. I've been on the higher side of normal to overweight for the past like 5 years (I'm 17). I don't even remember what it's like to be thin, to not have fat rolls when I sit down. I was thinish probably back in early middle school...I remember I used to sit next to this skinny guy in math class and a girl told me we looked really alike. (I still thought I was fat then though ahaha) But I just want that back again...for people to call me thin. I gained fifteen pounds that year, then ten pounds two years ago, then another ten last semester (yaay for freshman 15, eh?).
I started this January at 156 pounds standing at a height of 5'2". I managed to lose 20 pounds between then and March. Today I stepped on the scale to see the number: 143. Fuck binging.
I spend so much fucking time looking at myself in the mirror, pinching and pulling at my fat, making it jiggle, hating myself and wanting it all to disappear. Like for ten minutes in the bathroom before I shower I do this. I really fucking hate myself. I'm sure my body dysmorphia caused by my Asian mother doesn't help either...I'll always be fat to her. And not only have I gained back half the weight I lost, but now my fucking hair has started to fall out and my nails are splitting. I've barely lost much weight overall, and now this shit is happening with nothing to show for it. At least I'd be happier if I was skinny and balding, because at least I'd be skinny...
But anyway, I'm setting a goal for myself: be below 120 pounds by my 18th birthday in August. Imo it's just such a fucking shame that I've wasted this time when I'm supposed to be youthful and beautiful being fat and disgusting. I want to be an adult with a thigh gap, a flat stomach, and a tiny waist. No, I don't want it--I need it. I feel like there's nothing much left to live for if I don't (I'm shallow, I know).
For those of you who read through this rant, thanks :) And I apologize for the sweary language lol.
why
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Sat May 5 23:36:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hd8ad/why/
---
today at a potluck (didn't eat for 16 hours AT least) I ate such carb loaded food but it wasn't even worth it. Like the quality of most of it. Even the mac and Cheese. Like sorry, if I am actually going to eat "mac & cheese" it has to be grommet and I feel so snobby. I drank so much tonight and I can't purge so I just. Fucked up my calories for no reason. Also my period is starting tomorrow so I'm hoping this bloating and self pity is part of it. I just wish someone would call me a fat cow tonight. But nope. I'm just average and hating myself for every bite ;)
How can we share something so personal as an eating disorder
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sat May 5 23:24:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hd6eu/how_can_we_share_something_so_personal_as_an/
---
and why the hell are we competing against each other
/thoughts.
Purged for the first time today
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Sat May 5 23:12:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hd4es/purged_for_the_first_time_today/
---
It was... fuckin weird
Basically I've been dealing with my ED on/off for about 7-8 years now and I've never purged before. I don't know what made me do it today, I've been doing so well with restricting all week and I went out to dinner with my mom and ate not even *that* much risotto. I got up and went to the bathroom and was just like "what if..." and so I did. It was too easy. I don't know how I feel.
I think the strangest part was going back to the table and pretending like it hadn't happened.
[Rant/Rave] Uber eats
/u/wiisaffthrowaway
Created: Sat May 5 21:45:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hcp68/uber_eats/
---
Downloads Uber eats
Orders too much Thai food
Eats too much Thai food
Vomits too much Thai food
Deletes Uber eats
Repeat
The App Store, Uber, my bank account, and my toilet are all judging me so hard😅
[Tip] Fun trick/thing I learned about myself today
/u/alexis-ruth
Created: Sat May 5 21:25:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hcldt/fun_trickthing_i_learned_about_myself_today/
---
So I’ve been caught in a bit of a binge cycle lately and I’m just waiting for the overwhelming guilt and hate to hit me. But today I was scrolling through reddit minding my own business when I saw someone link to a pimple popping sub in a comment. I know for some reason pimple popping was a trend that people were inexplicably obsessed with a while back but I pretty much avoided it because...I mean, that’s disgusting?? I enjoy picking a good blackhead off my face as much as the next person but I have -15 interest in seeing a video of somebody else doing that. But, out of sheer curiosity I clicked anyway. Ya’ll...my appetite is GONE. I’ve never really been the type to get lose my appetite over something gross, but this truly hit me in a new way. I’ve been craving these apple pastries my mom brought home the other day and now I can’t even stand the thought of one after watching a couple of videos of people popping pimple and pulling out blackheads.
Tl;dr - found something gross enough to make me lose my appetite and hopefully it’ll help me break out of this huge cycle.
[Discussion] Inspiring Thinspo is at Shaky Knees
/u/violentyetflammable
Created: Sat May 5 21:12:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hciyx/inspiring_thinspo_is_at_shaky_knees/
---
So if y'all don't know shaky knees, it's a music festival in Atlanta, and I've seen some of my favorite groups and have had a wonderful time with my boyfriend who loves me and I love and my brother who is my very best friend, but I wish I was one of the girls who could wear just a bralette and overalls or crop tops everyday and be hot, but I'm wearing maxi dresses and oversized t-shirts to be even remotely cute and drinking and smoking awaycmy horrible feelings
trigger warning: i find this so gross
/u/Zefuyne
Created: Sat May 5 20:37:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hcbvg/trigger_warning_i_find_this_so_gross/
---
https://www.facebook.com/hefty.co/videos/874409742762801/?hc_ref=ART0jb98gbZ-Bu-CZNOozBJSvotULU9YMrUjKKmb8kfbJ_87ZiYpKZ0jciey8tKmWfo
when you're feeling sad, how do you make yourself feel better besides food?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Sat May 5 20:18:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hc804/when_youre_feeling_sad_how_do_you_make_yourself/
---
[Rant/Rave] It’s the weekend before finals..
/u/ThisIsNotGumpy
Created: Sat May 5 20:17:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hc7u9/its_the_weekend_before_finals/
---
I just spent an hour and a half planning my calories for this coming week instead of studying. Fuck me man.
[Discussion] What are your binge foods?
/u/voldemortshorts
Created: Sat May 5 20:11:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hc6pk/what_are_your_binge_foods/
---
I see posts all the time about safe foods and ways that people have stop binge eating. I am curious does anyone have foods that they always binge on or is it more of satisfying cravings? I always eat the same foods: jello, rice pudding, sandwiches, tortilla chips, eggs, almond milk, and pizza even if I am craving other foods. They are my comfort foods and even then it's almost as if they are my safe foods when i just need to step away and forget myself. What about you guys?
Where do you shop for a variety of (non-cola) diet sodas?
/u/ayvyns
Created: Sat May 5 19:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hbxxw/where_do_you_shop_for_a_variety_of_noncola_diet/
---
Bf and I have been drinking a lot of diet root beer, ginger ale, and cream sodas but we're getting frustrated with the lack of variety in stores. He doesn't like the flavored sparkling water. Is there anywhere online or in store that offers a nice variety of diet sodas? Thank you.
[Rant/Rave] i think i'm too comfortable with my boyfriend
/u/psybeams
Created: Sat May 5 19:28:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hbxw0/i_think_im_too_comfortable_with_my_boyfriend/
---
love him to pieces but he makes me feel so at home that i end up binging without a care in the world when i'm around him omg i ate two fucking ben and jerrys pints today and so did he but he's this skinny tall hottie and i'm this short chubby girl and i feel so gross lmao
Okay, but this is literally pro ana.
/u/dnemsloo
Created: Sat May 5 19:14:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hbvaw/okay_but_this_is_literally_pro_ana/
---
https://i.redd.it/djwf3pp5z4w01.png
[Goal] I’m getting married! 😱time to get fit for the wedding and starve myself!
/u/drinkinshamepain
Created: Sat May 5 19:04:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hbthr/im_getting_married_time_to_get_fit_for_the/
---
My boyfriend told me he wanted to marry me once he got a new job (which will happen soon) and i’m freaking out!
I’m so happy and nervous at the same time! Getting married has always been a dream of mine and even though i’m very young i love him and want to spent the rest of my life with him.
I wanted to share this with you girls cause even though i just had a bag of takis to celebrate i’ll go run tomorrow morning and start dieting, starving myself bc imma be a bride!!
Face gains. Lost about 16lbs so far thanks to EC stacking, keto and fasting. I'm only 1 hr away from my first 2 day fast ending!
/u/crochetyhooker
Created: Sat May 5 18:28:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hbmhz/face_gains_lost_about_16lbs_so_far_thanks_to_ec/
---
https://i.redd.it/08raazlzq4w01.png
[Discussion] Can body dysmorphia work both ways?
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Sat May 5 18:03:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hbhc2/can_body_dysmorphia_work_both_ways/
---
I know most of us struggle with thinking we are fatter than we are, but is it possible to see yourself as skinnier than you are? Has anyone dealt with this on a serious level? Like, not "I never realized how big I was" but sincerely in denial of their size?
[Rant/Rave] Feel like my boyfriend doesn't and will never love me, but hey whatever that makes restricting easier!
/u/SpeckledCollie
Created: Sat May 5 17:49:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hbeim/feel_like_my_boyfriend_doesnt_and_will_never_love/
---
I am so tired of feeling like a crazy girlfriend and like my feelings are always out of whack. I want to give him all of my love but I've been really badly hurt before (tbh who hasn't?) and I need so much more than he is currently giving me.
We never have sex. He assured me that he found my body sexy and appealing but I don't believe him. My body gives him no reaction. He told me from my old body checks that I looked sick.
At least I had some kind of reaction from him then.
I'm currently 6 days logged and under my calorie goal for the week. I can't wait to lose more weight. It's happening slowly (Fucking winter) but it is happening and I want to get so skinny that he has to say SOMETHING. Anything.
Plus, I can't control how desirable he finds me, but I can control how desirable I feel. And that's damn tiny.
[Rant/Rave] happy
/u/alex____________
Created: Sat May 5 17:46:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hbdt0/happy/
---
just found out my BMI is 18.4, and im happy. but i still feel fat. i feel obese, im ashamed when people look at me. i guess i'll have to lose weight. i'll be happy if i get BMI under 18
/rant
I bet he'll like me when I'm underweight. Lol.
/u/sat_fat
Created: Sat May 5 17:21:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hb8ru/i_bet_hell_like_me_when_im_underweight_lol/
---
Or like, pretty close. I've yoyo'd so much throughout the years. Always feel better when restricting and thus losing so it could be a confidence thing but, most likely, nah.
I get it, I'm attracted to relatively fit men. Anyway, I'll report back next month when I'm down more and what happens.
What was your experience with attention like when you reached an underweight bmi? Or near?
[Other] Thinking about quitting my job...
/u/maxmydogmydogmax
Created: Sat May 5 17:18:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hb88p/thinking_about_quitting_my_job/
---
So, this isn't super ED related. I just don't know where else to go and this community is the most supportive.
This morning, on my day off, I received very demeaning, humiliating, and disrespectful texts from a coworker. It was unprofessional and hurtful.
(Basically, my job was to create packets. I created them but left out one pamphlet because the printer was out of ink. I figured I would print them out at the main office when I got back to work. Each pamphlet is like 30 pages long so the tiny printer struggles with it anyway.)
Apparently I failed my "simple simple simple simple task" and I should be "hyper vigilante elsewhere." (I told her I was hyper vigilante at my last job because I was working with 20 toddlers in one room and it was exhausting. Making packets requires less vigilance, obviously. So she's jabbing me there.) She sent me 5 long, cruel texts.
I already struggle with low (no) self esteem and self loathing. I have been crying for hours now. I feel worthless. I've considered cutting to handle my emotions but stopped myself so far. (My boyfriend wouldn't like it.) I'm having suicidal urges from this like the crazy person I am. I feel like starving myself until my heart gives out or just shooting myself in the head because I'm a complete failure.
I work 72 hours a week and already work another full time job. I could quit and still have another full time job. I graduate this month with a Bachelor's.
I'm thinking about just not showing up to work Monday and emailing my boss that I quit. I can't emotionally handle working with people like this. Does that make me a huge wimp?
Anyone else struggle with completely awful coworkers?
[Help] Self sabotaging my weight loss.
/u/bloomoonxx
Created: Sat May 5 17:04:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hb53h/self_sabotaging_my_weight_loss/
---
I have this problem where whenever I get to my goal weight I will binge and gain the weight back. It’s almost like my subconscious is doing this on purpose. Sometimes I am scared to restrict cause I’m terrified of reaching my goal weight even though that’s the only thing I want right now. I heard its cause you think that your life is gonna be amazing/ all problems solved when you get to your goal, but in reality you have to solve a ton of other things before you will be happy. And self sabotaging is a way for your subconscious to protect you from the fact that you actually won’t be happy when you lose weight. I’m going through this cycle of hell rn and honestly at an all time low. I think about suicide a lot (would never do it so don’t worry) because I can’t stop this self sabotage. It’s honestly ruining my life. Does anyone struggle with this??? All I want is to lose weight but I am terrified to at the same time. Doesn’t even make sense.
[Tip] Tips for shopping in kids'/teen sections (xpost r/proEDadults)
/u/dotprinceton
Created: Sat May 5 15:16:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hah8k/tips_for_shopping_in_kidsteen_sections_xpost/
---
I recently bought girls' underwear and teen bras on Amazon; I've also purchased boys' socks before. They were so much cheaper and offered so many more pieces in each package than typical adult sizes.
Any recommendations for what else is good to buy from kids' or teen sections?
I purged at work after a coworker guilted me into eating yesterday
/u/mowmowmreow
Created: Sat May 5 15:07:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hafah/i_purged_at_work_after_a_coworker_guilted_me_into/
---
A few of my coworkers noticed my weight loss a few months ago and now they try to share whatever they're eating when we're in the break room, even bring extra food specifically for me. Yesterday I was on my lunch break drinking a cup of coffee when one of them walked in the break room. Upon seeing me she asked me if I had eaten anything, telling me not to lie to her. She said this from the doorway with like 3 other people in the room, and I was so put on the spot that I told her the truth.
I wound up eating like 2 tablespoons of pulled chicken and a whole wheat roll. It fucking sucked. I really didn’t want to eat, I felt so fucking gross and full after I finished, it was making me cry. I never purge but I was desperate to yesterday. I couldn’t find any place to purge other than the bathroom so I had to fucking walk around holding back tears until the bathroom was empty. When it finally was I was so scared of someone walking in I only got to throw up like 3 or 4 times and most of it was the water I chugged to help get everything out.
I wish people would just mind their own business. I flat out have coworkers asking how much I weigh and comparing me to how much they weighed when they were my age, it’s fucking ridiculous. Does anyone else deal with people like this?
[Rant/Rave] Rant
/u/plaidpeonies
Created: Sat May 5 15:07:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8haf7t/rant/
---
Dear fat,
Looking at you literally disgusts me.
It is a visceral repulsion.
I cannot wait until I hit my first goal BMI and you will be gone.
Fuck you, fat.
Peach thread (again)
/u/JoelleBirch
Created: Sat May 5 15:02:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hae85/peach_thread_again/
---
Drop your Peach username and add others. I'm Joelle87.
[Discussion] What causes cravings??
/u/TacosGetMeThrough
Created: Sat May 5 14:57:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8hacxa/what_causes_cravings/
---
I have been using a low dose appetite suppressant (bronkaid) so I haven’t been hungry for a few days. It’s kind of weird to not constantly be walking to the fridge or rummaging through the pantry, stopping for fried foods, or secretly eating 90% of the food/pastries that were meant for the whole staff.
Yet even weirder is how my brain still thinks about food. I wish I had nachos, x restaurant, I want chocolate. I don’t have the intense level of craving that I typically get. Sometimes it honestly felt like torture to want a specific food soooooooo bad & it could be over powering.
It just makes me realize how bad/often my cravings were & that they are not actually physical. I now have the passing mental thoughts without the intense feeling. And they don’t stay in my head as long. I did always know they were cravings as obviously if you’re hungry a taco isn’t going to be the sole & only thing that will alleviate that.
What causes this??? What makes me just love food intensely.
Hi, everybody!!
/u/lilqueenheartz
Created: Sat May 5 14:55:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8haces/hi_everybody/
---
I’ve been looking through this sub for awhile now and I feel like I had to introduce myself. Well I’ve had an ED since I was about 7 and I’m about to turn 14(so about half of my life). Recently, my friend that I talk to when I’m having a rough time won’t be available to talk for awhile and even before that I felt like it was getting worse and I’m not sure if I should accept the fall or not. Just feeling lost right now.
[Rant/Rave] I’m nervous about how tonight’s gonna go
/u/2worried2care
Created: Sat May 5 14:33:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ha7iz/im_nervous_about_how_tonights_gonna_go/
---
It’s Cinco de Mayo and I’m hanging out with friends tonight. I’ve been up since 5am for clinical and I’ve already had 470 cals today. I wasn’t able to work out today because I accidentally fell asleep after clinical.
I just got to my friend’s house and we’re obviously drinking margaritas but I just saw that the marg mix is 130 cals per 3 oz. That’s so much. I’m gonna end up just taking shots of tequila and I haven’t really had enough calories for that so probably gonna black out. Part of me just wants to go home instead..send prayers lol
[Rant/Rave] Seroquel made me gain 10 lbs. UGHHHHH
/u/tiny-imp
Created: Sat May 5 14:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ha340/seroquel_made_me_gain_10_lbs_ughhhhh/
---
My first post here so excuse any mistakes please!
I was diagnosed with bipolar about a year ago and have been on 200MG of seroquel. I came off it a couple of months ago, lost weight fast etc., but had a bad manic episode. Now I’m back on it and it’s been about a month and I’ve gained 10 POUNDS!!! I’m actually angry at myself for letting this happen. Is anyone else on seroquel? Also if anyone else is bipolar what medication have you been on where you can still lose weight?
I've been underweight for a while now, but I still haven't registered the fact that I'm not at my highest weight anymore. It's like nothing has changed.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sat May 5 14:13:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ha2yf/ive_been_underweight_for_a_while_now_but_i_still/
---
I can pull up the size four jeans I thought would never fit me without unzipping them, but the moment of trepidation whenever I take them out of the closet remains. The strange sense of kinship with people who are overweight \(if that makes any sense whatsoever\) also stubbornly refuses to go away. My life continues to revolve around my next meal. I was convinced I would be worthy of being attracted to people by now, but I don't feel any less like a fleshy, grotesque pervert whenever I so much as look at a girl.
[Rant/Rave] B/p rant
/u/F_ckusernames
Created: Sat May 5 14:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ha2pf/bp_rant/
---
Honestly b/p is disgusting
I just caught myself purging because of a grill drinking night.
Luckily most people here smoke as I do but they don’t know why I smoke.
This is awful but great Idk what to think after just purging half my dinner up at least...
Beside myself. I don't know what is happening
/u/UniqueCranberry
Created: Sat May 5 14:12:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ha2nz/beside_myself_i_dont_know_what_is_happening/
---
I'm sorry to post something like this, but I'm so triggered. There have been two times in the past when this has happened. I'm not binging, not snacking, but my weight is rapidly going up, up, up. Sometimes my measurements increase in the same day. On top of this, my legs are constantly sore to the point where cardio is excruciating. Does this happen to anyone else? I'm shaking and crying because I feel like I'm in a personal hell.
Are there any older bulimics here?
/u/jeanisdead
Created: Sat May 5 14:09:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ha20o/are_there_any_older_bulimics_here/
---
Like, 30+?
I am starting to become extremely concerned about my health. I'll be 29 this year, and my bulimia has been fluctuating wildly lately. Sometimes, I'll eat too much healthy food and freak out, purge some of it to feel better. Has been happening 2-3x per week on average for several months now. Or other times, I'll properly binge and purge like last night. Pizza, ice cream, the fucking works around 1-3x per month.
I'm scared for my heart. I quit caffeine and all stimulants a week ago. I want to be healthy. I go to the gym regularly and strength train. I keep down thousands of calories of quality, real food on a regular basis. I'm absolutely not the bulimic I once was in the past. However, I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb lately due to my age and how fucking LONG I've been bulimic. 15 years almost. It is clear that I will struggle with this my whole life, and I've made peace with that because over the years, I've learned what I need to do in order to not be bulimic most days. That is huge progress for me personally, but is it enough?
I woke up today feeling pretty shitty after several vomits worth of binge food from last night. My chest was buzzing, tingling. I had also managed to oversleep like a motherfucker. Basically, I'm afraid one of these days that a slip up will cause my heart to say fuck it and I'll die in my sleep surrounded by pizza boxes and junk food wrappers.
So, to bulimics my age: how are you doing?
I literally can't enjoy anything without binging
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Sat May 5 14:00:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h9zrh/i_literally_cant_enjoy_anything_without_binging/
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BED is making my life so miserable. Whenever I restrict, all I think about is food, but this isn't the worst thing BED has even done to me.
The worst thing is, I can't enjoy engaging activities that would keep me occupied without eating. Watching a movie? Playing a video game? Watching YouTube? I always convince myself that I need to mindlessly eating away at junk food to feel like I am in ultimate comfort / enjoyment. I've tried to ease this with eating healthier foods, or foods that take long to eat but it never works for me.
How DQ ice-cream cake is going to ruin my life
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Sat May 5 13:17:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h9pla/how_dq_icecream_cake_is_going_to_ruin_my_life/
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Okay, maybe not ruin. But going out with my family is really hard because I can't really say "oh I'm not coming because you're going to a small restaurant with no calorie counts on their menu and I HATE guessing"
so LUCKY me I have my nephew's birthday dinner tonight, and instead of doing dinner at home (tacos - I already had lettuce for lettuce wraps and my scale to subtely measure the meat I was going to eat) we are now going to a restaurant. and I'm lucky here because while they don't put calorie counts on the menu, they do have them online....so I already went and worked out what I'm going to order and how many calories it has. YAY for the lighter/seniors menu!
HOWEVER my sister excitedly informed me they just picked up his icecream cake. and if I don't eat any, people will freak out on me. so I plan on just having a small piece, which will still have to be a piece - and I have no idea how to track that. the calories for a slice of DQ ice-cream cake on MFP range from like 240-600. That's a HUGE friggen difference. I need some calories for rum later, come on now........ what would you guys track it as? It really will be the smallest piece I can get away with. I just hate having no way of being accurate so I don't know how many drinks I can have later you know? ugh. I'm the most annoying person.
an eating disorder therapy group sat down next to me in the park yesterday
/u/dietcokecult
Created: Sat May 5 13:15:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h9ozs/an_eating_disorder_therapy_group_sat_down_next_to/
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and i was so fucking shook you would not believe
i was eating my lunch and i couldn't stop wondering what they were thinking of me. were they disgusted? jealous? maybe they saw me eating a normal healthy-ish lunch in a public place and thought "wow there's someone with a good relationship to food, maybe i'll be like that someday." little did they know i had spent the entire morning agonizing over eating 1/4 of a bagel and was about to go home and binge at night then low restrict all weekend to punish myself.
the whole experience made me feel like a shitty fraud, like here i am in public pretending to be some normal person with normal food habits when really i should be with the group over there that's emotionally processing their afternoon snack. but of course i don't really belong there either, i don't really have an eating disorder, just wildly varying levels of willpower and a complete lack of self worth.
Do you guys usually stick to smaller portions of high calorie foods, or huge portions of ultra low calorie foods?
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone
Created: Sat May 5 12:56:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h9kg1/do_you_guys_usually_stick_to_smaller_portions_of/
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Personally, I can't decide for myself. I feel guilty if I eat a ton, even if it's low cal because I bloat. But when I eat small amounts of higher cal foods I feel a little less guilty, but still feel bad because I could have just not eaten
[Rant/Rave] Purged for the first time for ED reasons. Becoming more obsessive.
/u/TertiaryWings
Created: Sat May 5 12:35:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h9f9b/purged_for_the_first_time_for_ed_reasons_becoming/
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(TW - detailed purging descriptions)
Long rant
I've never purged before for the reason of getting rid of food I felt guilty about eating. Typically if I eat something and feel guilty I just let the anxiety gnaw at me and say oh well. Not today. Ate a huge slice of pineapple cake that had whipped cream icing rather than that full sugar stuff. Felt guilty.
Wtf am I doing, eating something like this? I had some deli meats and a peanut butter cup the other day and a slice of cheese last night. I'm so close to my first goal weight so why the hell am I trying to sabotage myself with cake of all things? I know I didn't bring it all back up, I could feel the bits I didn't vomit slide back down my esophagus and settle into my stomach. What's worse is that I'm upset I didn't get it all, I must have heaved 6-7 times and every time I could feel it going back down, I was staring at it in the tub as I ran the water, and it looked like the color of fat. And I wanted to cry. I want to go back in there and get rid of the rest of it but I'm exhausted now.
Maybe I'm just making excuses. My throats is slightly scratchy and I brushed my teeth tongue and gums thoroughly right after I finished. I wonder if I'm going to get into the habit of purging things I eat now.
I'm starting to become more obsessed with things I never really concerned myself with before, like collar bones and thigh gaps. I'll run my fingers on the skin over my clavicle until it turns red. I have constant thoughts of slimming fingers, how well my rings fit onto my fingers (they seem to be growing in size, they're not too difficult to get off now) circling my wrist with my fingers as many times as possible. How far I can go down the notches on my fitness watch and how far my rib cage sticks out when I lay down is something I always watch for now.
I know that things like thigh gaps and circling. Your fingers around your wrist depend upon your frame. I'm just obsessed.
[Other] I draw when I’m really hungry...
/u/singingtangerine
Created: Sat May 5 12:32:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h9el2/i_draw_when_im_really_hungry/
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https://i.redd.it/0hbz9giez2w01.jpg
[Help] Blood sugar
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Sat May 5 11:54:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h95s7/blood_sugar/
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Does anyone have suggestions to help me jeep my blood sugar from tanking in the middle of the day? My calorie goal is 500 or under per day. Although I've been going over a little bit... the problem is I get so tired even though I eat little things throughout the day. What can I do to help this?
I genuinely don't enjoy fatty food anymore
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Sat May 5 11:36:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h91f5/i_genuinely_dont_enjoy_fatty_food_anymore/
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I used to love Mac'n Cheese. I used to love fries, and burgers. I made myself a little portion of Mac'n Cheese a few minutes ago and I had to put it away after eating not even half of it because it made me want to throw up. I don't like this stuff anymore- my brain actually thinks I don't like these foods because of the calorie count. It's disgusting, it's awful. I don't know how to feel about this.
I broke my 5 day fast with a Hershey cookies and cream cookie ):
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Sat May 5 11:16:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h8wux/i_broke_my_5_day_fast_with_a_hershey_cookies_and/
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The plan was to fast for 14 days but then cookies happened... I only had one but I feel gross and now I have to start all over again... it was good but it wasn't worth it.
[Rant/Rave] Why don't they get naturally underweight actresses to play the roles of characters suffering from anorexia
/u/muscularjet
Created: Sat May 5 11:08:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h8uw9/why_dont_they_get_naturally_underweight_actresses/
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Take Skins for example, it really confuses me as to why they don't just get a naturally underweight actress. Cassie's character's bmi just doesn't seem to match her eating habits, nor does she ever appear on the verge of death from her anorexia.
They don't even bother using make-up effects to make her look more emaciated. She just maintains a healthy weight throughout. Hannah from Hollyoaks is also an example.
I think Red Band Society actually got a suitable actress, Ciara Bravo has a naturally underweight bmi and a tiny figure and it just made it a bit more realistic in that sense.
I also likes BBC's Overshadowed because even though I don't think the actress lost a lot of weight, they used make-up and effects to show the physical changes such as loss of hair.
I didn't like To The Bone because Lily Collins intentionally lost a lot of weight.
So basically, I just think that they should just get naturally underweight actresses to play those roles.
[Goal] Made goal weight today, then promptly messed it up [long-ish]
/u/captain_peanutbutter
Created: Sat May 5 10:58:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h8sfr/made_goal_weight_today_then_promptly_messed_it_up/
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Scale at my morning weigh-in today read 99.6 lbs, so I've finally hit my goal weight! And then... well. It's super hot here in the UK at the moment, and I went onto my uni campus to meet some friends for lunch, and there was an ice cream truck, and my brain was like 'oh, but the weather, and you've been so good!' And next thing you know I've scarfed down 200 cals of ice cream and I'm sitting here right now stewing in the resulting guilt, five hours later. Fuck my life, amirite?
On a more serious note, I told myself that once I hit 100lbs I'd make a doctors appointment, try and get a formal diagnosis for my ED and then make moves towards getting therapy etc. So I've got an appointment with my GP in a few weeks time and I'm already nervous... Apologies for the long rambling post but I'm full of all kinds of feelings today and just needed to word vomit for a bit =/
[Other] How I honestly feel about my weight right now..
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Sat May 5 10:08:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h8gqg/how_i_honestly_feel_about_my_weight_right_now/
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https://i.redd.it/9w710ois92w01.jpg
Lost 5 lbs and escaped a binge cycle!!!!
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Sat May 5 09:55:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h8dph/lost_5_lbs_and_escaped_a_binge_cycle/
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Hey everyone. Not the most stunning accomplishment, but I lost 5 pounds! I was trapped in this vortex of binging and bloating and self hate, and I was at the end of my rope. Out of desperation, I just started attempting 48hr fasts over and over until I succeeded—and it WORKED!
I don’t plan to keep fasting as a means of permanent weight loss because it isn’t entirely sustainable, but I’m so proud that I was finally able to get my weight down a smidge after months of being miserable and feeling helpless.
For anyone who feels stuck bingeing, sometimes a break from routine for a few days will cure you. 🌸💐
Dear fat self
/u/PineapplePrincezz
Created: Sat May 5 09:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h8db1/dear_fat_self/
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Dear fat self who weighed 110 lbs on the scale this morning,
You’re not welcome here
Time to get rid of the fat food, get rid of the baggy clothes
Focus on my choice and privilege to eat healthy foods and exercise every single day
and have that <18bmi again
And wear summer clothes and feel free
Dear fat self, you are NOT welcome in my life.
[Goal] i'm never going to binge again
/u/dyingtobefitt
Created: Sat May 5 09:29:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h87vr/im_never_going_to_binge_again/
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I'm quite positive that more people have thought/ said these words out loud just to binge again and again then actually stop. I'm not quite sure why i'm posting this as most people will just see this post and roll their eyes but honestly i'm done with this shit. i can't do it anymore. when i'm not binge eating i feel so good, so free. but after a binge i feel like shit. i just want to feel healthy again. i'm quitting cold turkey no matter how hard it is. i can't continue to ruin my life.
my first goal is to go 21 days binge free. i'm going to be successful this time. i promise.
i'll be back in 22 days bragging about my success. see you guys then.
Is a successful fast after a binge a good thing?
/u/dyingtobefitt
Created: Sat May 5 09:15:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h84p9/is_a_successful_fast_after_a_binge_a_good_thing/
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Idk but I've heard some people say fasting after a binge is bad. opinions?
any vegans here who crave non vegan food?
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Sat May 5 09:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h81cv/any_vegans_here_who_crave_non_vegan_food/
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i've been vegan for ~3yrs now and recently ive found myself craving eggs in particular. i still wouldn't eat them for ethical reasons but whenever my SO fries some i find myself eyeing them up and salivating lol. also i drooled over egg food porn the other day. im wondering if its something specific in the eggs that my body wants? idk. i feel so dirty though lmao
[Rant/Rave] What a week
/u/hollywould83
Created: Sat May 5 08:54:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h8023/what_a_week/
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Struggling badly this week. I am beyond frustrated as I am cornered beyond belief. So, yeah I give my fiance chance after chance after chance during 11 years of pure hell...(full story, previous posts) Ok, cool addiction is no fucking game and I was put down horribly my whole life. Not a fucking woe is me statement but the honest to God truth. Now, all of a sudden everyone is "concerned' about my weight loss and that i am playing games for my own gratification. Where the fuck were any of them when I needed them? Why did my ANRED suddenly become an issue? Seriously. Anger is hard core today and threats to commit me are a joke. I have no need for treatment BMI is good all bloods are good so what the fuck? Doing just fine then bam...all of a sudden I am cornered and they dont get the roots of ANRED...
What’s your weigh in strategy?
/u/jdalll
Created: Sat May 5 08:52:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h7zjd/whats_your_weigh_in_strategy/
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How often do you weigh in to see progress? Daily? Weekly?
My birthday party was yesterday
/u/warmbagel53
Created: Sat May 5 08:09:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h7qo5/my_birthday_party_was_yesterday/
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My family ordered my favorite pizza, there was cheesecake, s'mores on the campfire, those super soft sugar cookies (those are my absolute favorite). . All of my favorite things just for me on MY special day and I couldn't actually enjoy myself because of my crippling ED. I managed to have one single slice of pizza and 1 s'more. Without any chocolate. No cake. No cookie. Everyone made a huge deal about me not having any cake and I felt extremely anxious and guilty about it. I just wish events like this didn't always have to revolve around food. Also it's crazy to think that about 2 yrs ago when I had BED, in this situation, I would've eaten absolutely everything I saw, times 100. I definitely would've snuck away and gorged down even more food if gotten the chance. The self control and discipline I have developed over time completely shocked me last night
Is Anyone Else's Literal View of Themselves Based on the Number on the Scale?
/u/kvikerdragen
Created: Sat May 5 07:59:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h7onb/is_anyone_elses_literal_view_of_themselves_based/
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As in, I wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, just see fat standing there, but then step on the scale and realize I weigh less than I was expecting I did, look in the mirror again, and think "oh I guess I don't really look that bad"?
[Discussion] Does anyone else not have BDD?
/u/tinyfleabite
Created: Sat May 5 07:55:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h7nqu/does_anyone_else_not_have_bdd/
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I know I'm skinny; well, at least a little under average. At a BMI of 17.7, with Asian bones and a high body fat percentage, I have a thigh gap. Sure, my thighs jiggle, but I know they're small. I have visible ribs and my belly is mostly flat. I know I'm petite and I don't see myself as distorted. Yet I still control my diet to a T and am repulsed by my body. Is this normal? Does my eating disorder still count?
Oh look at that. I legitimately had hay fever all along. An excuse to try an EC stack?
/u/scrawny-cat
Created: Sat May 5 07:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h7fbz/oh_look_at_that_i_legitimately_had_hay_fever_all/
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After waking around with pink eye, watering eyes and a sore throat for several days. Someone else told me they thought I had hay fever.
So I thought I'd test the theory and get some hay fever tablets. To my disappointment, I couldn't find any with ephedrine or pseudoephedrine so just bought the cheapest they had.
24 hours later, pink eye is gone. Sore throat is nearly gone!
If I have to take shitty tablets, seems they may as well serve two purposes. Where do you get yours from UK people without a prescription? What brands should I be looking for?
[Rant/Rave] Lonely
/u/oatenthusiast
Created: Sat May 5 06:18:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h76b9/lonely/
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I feel so alone, like I have no one to talk to. I've isolated myself from so many people and I'm scared they all hate me now. My disorder has caused me to be aggressive/unsociable/too tired to bother and all my friendships have suffered from it. I just need someone to be my friend that understands. I'm just very lost idk I just feel like I've got to vent.
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! May 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 5 06:11:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h757s/stupid_questions_saturday_may_05_2018/
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This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for May 05, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat May 5 06:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h7554/daily_food_diary_may_05_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for May 05, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] terrified of confronting my ED
/u/cooldad2006
Created: Sat May 5 04:02:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h6m8p/terrified_of_confronting_my_ed/
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super negative ramble post ahead
So, I haven't seen my therapist in 6 weeks. Normally I see her every 2 weeks but she canceled on me due to illness and then I hadn't realized I had an appointment because I didn't get my normal confirmation text and I made plans I couldn't get out of during my session.
I'm seeing her on Monday and I'm so relieved to finally go back but I'm really stressing over whether to discuss something with her-
I've been struggling with food and my body for a very long time but over the past year or so and particularly the last couple of months, it has worsened significantly. I really hate the relationship I have with my body and I'm very aware of how unhealthy it is (and how unhealthy I probably am) but I don't know how or if I want to stop, or if I'm ready to talk about it with her. The idea of eating more than 500 calories in a day makes me physically ill and want to cry, and the same goes to weight gain. I've formed terrible habits but I'm so... attached to and dependent on them (ex. every time I feel hungry I smoke a cig knowing it's bad for my body and teeth and lungs but "it's an appetite suppressant so it's good"). But despite those things I still feel like I can't *really* have an eating disorder because it's not diagnosed, sometimes I eat normally and feel ok, because I don't have all the stereotypical symptoms, and I don't look thin or have an unhealthy BMI
I have always preached body positivity and radical self acceptance and I don't understand why I can't practice it too, I feel like this has crept up on me over years of insecurity and I'm terrified of confronting it.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far y'all
I'm at a total loss at what to do and any advice is extremely appreciated
I know the article is ancient, but holy fuck if this isn't the mentality of some people I know.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sat May 5 02:48:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h6cio/i_know_the_article_is_ancient_but_holy_fuck_if/
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https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theonion.com/women-have-to-stop-starving-themselves-past-the-point-o-1819584217/amp
[Discussion] I’m SO confused (details in comment)
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Sat May 5 01:34:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h6228/im_so_confused_details_in_comment/
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https://i.redd.it/qsdjxqg2qzv01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] its my birthday today!!
/u/burrochevola
Created: Sat May 5 01:32:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h61pu/its_my_birthday_today/
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as a gift to myself, today im NOT gonna:
- weight myself
- count my calories
- freak out if i go over 800
- search excuses for not hanging out with my friends
fuck this, today im eating out with the people i love even if im afraid i'll binge after. today i'm not gonna give a fuck about choosing the meal with less calories in the menu. for at least one day im gonna be a normal person and freaking ENJOY my birthday, without this ed bullshit ruining everything for me
hope y'all have a good day too <3 <3
Having an ED when you're dependent/living with a parent
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Sat May 5 01:21:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h6026/having_an_ed_when_youre_dependentliving_with_a/
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Im barely 18, living with my mum, and moving out isn't an option for a myriad of reason i don't wanna get into because i'll piss myself off, and there's just so many reasons it makes my ED worse.
• Access to safe foods.
I have no job, and no way to get a job, so i'm entirely reliant on my less than understanding + emotionally distant mother to keep my safe foods stocked, and she just... won't, basically. Granted, i have odd safe foods- im not asking her to make sure there's a bowl of fruit on the table, i'm asking to constantly have bags of fun sized chocolates around. My safe foods are all stuff like that- high fat/high carb/ high calorie junk foods like chocolates and nuts and full fat yogurt. Basically, high nutritional content (even if it's not good nutrition) foods that i can be sustained on in low quantities. if i eat more than roughly a handful of food my stomach balloons up and i have to purge. She acts as if it's a ruse to just eat sweets all the time.
• Doctor visits
it's just really, really embarrassing to have my mother drive to the clinic as a technically-grown person, but i can't drive, and if i don't go to the doctor i'll literally did because i need him to fill my potassium prescription so i don't have a damned heart attack
• Fighting. All the fighting.
We are not financially stable. At all. Not even a little. So binges are a big fucking deal. And she just can't accept that i can't help it. I've tried to stop, but I can't. There's no "reason" for my ED, so there's nothing to work on to alleviate it. I'm just stuck with it. Forever. I don't like it either lol, but it's just how i am.
Bottom line, i just feel like a worthless leech and my mum constantly reminds me that I am a worthless leech, and it'd be so so so much better for both of us if i weren't around but i'm not able to make that happen and it blows. I'm an unemployed mentally ill soon-to-be high school drop out and it's just humiliating and emotionally exhausting for everyone involved.
I'm getting to old for this but all the great and terrible metaphoric doors are closed.
[Other] Back pain, period pain, sore ankle...
/u/SpeckledCollie
Created: Sat May 5 00:50:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h5vep/back_pain_period_pain_sore_ankle/
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And I still feel guilty enough to run and workout because we're meeting for my friend's birthday today and I ate 1800kcal yesterday, so even if I have a small something for lunch not to arouse suspicion, that's still too much food.
I hate periods oh my god what is the point. I don't want a baby. Why can't I just pause my fertility? At least when I was underweight I didn't have this shit to deal with!
My boyfriend is also going through a hard time and I want to see him and hug him but he's someone who likes to deal with his problems by himself and I know he needs space.
Unfortunately, I had a dream about a guy that I THOUGHT I was over last night but apparently not. Brilliant.
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Went to a psychologist about my disordered eating
/u/squishyskeleton
Created: Sat May 5 00:32:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h5sn2/rantrave_went_to_a_psychologist_about_my/
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TW: mentions of self harm, depression, suicide, all that stuff
Pretty much confirmed everything. Yes I have an eating disorder, yes my generalized anxiety disorder is out of control, and wow, a shocker but I have depressive symptoms, and likely actually have depression, and need to go see my GP about being put on antidepressants. And that i am essentially using my ED as a way of self harming, instead of what I used to do years ago, which was actually cut.
And I don't know how to react, I've been living my life in a daze these past two days. I've tried hard to convince myself that none of my mental issues are real and that I am just worrying over nothing. Yet, now it feels like I can't escape this. I have an eating disorder. I need medication. I'm not fine. I might need to go for regular check ups because I am starting to get the physical effects.
I want to die more so than ever now, I feel hopeless. And awful. Like I'm a mistake. That I shouldn't exist if I can't eat and I can't function and I can't think because I am too preoccupied by food and thoughts of stopping in mid traffic and my anxiety.
I don't know what this rant is for. To get it out of my system?
[Rant/Rave] Been a while...
/u/radbitch666
Created: Sat May 5 00:31:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h5sjm/been_a_while/
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It’s been a long time since I’ve posted here. It’s like I almost go through these “phases” of having an ED. I have it then recover for like a year then it creeps back into my life and its terrible. I feel it coming back now. I’ve gained like 15 pounds and I’m 150 as of today and I don’t know what to do...this is the highest weight I’ve been. I’m just feeling really gross and kinda hopeless. Missed you guys but I’m back now I guess. Hello darkness my old friend lmao
Bloated all the time on 700 calories?
/u/cashmeremoose
Created: Sat May 5 00:25:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h5rlu/bloated_all_the_time_on_700_calories/
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I've just come out of a bad binge cycle and have been eating for 600-800 for 2 weeks now, eating mostly fruits and cooked vegetables. I'm pretty conscious of my macros and have been balancing the carbs with protein and fats. But I'm so bloated all the time, especially my stomach, which has never been a problem area for me. Restricting at this range feels so good, my mind is clear and I'm very productive, but the bloat makes me feel so defeated, especially at the end of the day, when I feel like a literal balloon :( I don't know what is wrong with my body, or diet, that is causing this. Bloating has never been a problem in my previous restrict cycles, eating the same foods, exercising the same amount and all. So, help?
The sad truth is...
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs
Created: Fri May 4 23:32:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h5j0e/the_sad_truth_is/
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My life is so much better when I'm restricting.
I can usually see the difference two or three days after I start restricting again. Even if I haven't lost any weight yet, I just...start feeling better. I'm more confident, I feel prettier, I'm more focused, I physically perform better, and I get compliments from friends. It's almost immediate. When I hit that sweet spot of eating *just enough* calories to function, my life is magically better.
It's not fair, it shouldn't be that way, it's wrong. But that's just the way it is.
[Discussion] DAE enjoy weed because of the anxiety you get of becoming obese
/u/AKRIZZY
Created: Fri May 4 23:32:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h5iwq/dae_enjoy_weed_because_of_the_anxiety_you_get_of/
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I’m pretty stoned right now and having a major anxiety attack about my life in general partly due to the combo of adderall and coffee all day and then eating a sativa heavy edible after work. I’m trying to write and journal to settle the spiraling anxiety. One of the most fucked up things that relieves some of my anxiety is the realization that I’m so anxious about gaining weight and becoming morbidly obese that it makes me nauseated and I can’t stuff my face like a pig. Realizing that I can be high and not have the munchies relieves some of the other general anxiety, making it kinda a weird feedback loop. Do y’all know where I’m coming from or does anyone else ever experience this? Also I was nervous to get on the scale in the evening (even scarier because I never do this) because I haven’t weighed myself since last month, and I’ve lost 5 lbs! I’ve been trying to be more conscious of the calories I’m consuming but was nervous because I hadn’t been perfect and had def binged on chocolate or peanut butter more than once. Being hyper aware of how big a binge was helped me get back on track right away because I used to tell myself it wasn’t as caloric as it actually was so I would do it more often.
[Other] i think death would be so peaceful
/u/ketometer
Created: Fri May 4 23:06:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h5ejy/i_think_death_would_be_so_peaceful/
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It would be so nice to die, and lay in the ground, with no worries spinning through my head. My body would slowly decay, until every strip of fat and tissue--the stuff that plagued me so much in life, the stuff that caused others to abuse me--is dissolved into nothingness. Finally I would be a skeleton, forgotten by the living and unconcerned about my appearance, or anything at all. Death sounds like bliss.
[Help] I'm so fuckin angry and upset
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Fri May 4 22:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h5c4m/im_so_fuckin_angry_and_upset/
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ive been stuck at this fuckin weight for four days.
i'm 5'8 and my BMR is 1470, TDEE is 2100.
I've been eating 600 calories for three days now and my weight has not budged from 125lbs.
I think the scales in this house (I'm a lodger) are broken because they're really old mechanical scales but I put my 4kg weight on them and it read that correctly.
Also I used laxatives yesterday and they did their job, been drinking 2l of water a day and peeing a lot. What the fuck is happening?? i'm so fuckin upset
[Discussion] (Discussion) how do I convince myself it's ok
/u/Suchsmolsuchwow
Created: Fri May 4 22:40:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h5a17/discussion_how_do_i_convince_myself_its_ok/
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So my bf and I have a unique agreement where I give him daily calorie count and exercise count. The minimum is 1000 and max 1400, on some occasions that goes up depending on life. So sometimes, I'll be under the 1000. And I won't want to go over. And he insists. Now part of me is like calories are evil, you'll be fat and disgusting longer if you eat more. Other part of me is like No, you're hungry and have enough high cal things you could do it and maybe even enjoy it. Then part of me chimes in with "if you don't fight him on this and basicallybthrow a tantrum over being made to eat more you don't really have a disorder and you're doing it for attention which is awful". Soooooo I need to get over the first and last one. Help?
Shaking that "I failed" feeling?
/u/MissLadyPerson
Created: Fri May 4 22:23:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h56rv/shaking_that_i_failed_feeling/
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I've been restricting again lately. I was anorexic for ten years and recovered, but then recently gained weight that I'm desperate to be rid of and it's making me hate myself so I kind of decided to dip back into restriction which I know isn't the best idea but I've found my ED past has made it impossible to diet normally without relapsing anyway but... yeah I'm rambling.
Anywho... I did great for almost two weeks, eating well under 1000 calories a day like I planned. But yesterday I ate like 1200 and today... I dunno. Probably like 1400? Which is still below my BMR but I'm starting to notice that on days I do good I actually feel significantly thinner, and days like today and yesterday where I mess up a little I feel huge! But like I didn't gain weight, I couldn't have and I know that. And I really couldn't have lost much weight before either, so why? Why do I feel soooo tiny (to an extent of course) while restricting "right" and soooo huge when I mess up just a little according to my standards?
I'm sure you guys can relate. I mean I will use this feeling to motivate myself to do better in the future, but I would love to not feel like a useless blob of failure over 200 calories. -_-
Calories absorbed after purging?
/u/WaityKaity
Created: Fri May 4 21:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h50yq/calories_absorbed_after_purging/
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I had some ravioli and garlic bread but I threw up immediately after. Google has so many different answers I don’t know what to believe. How many calories would still remain in my body after purging? I’m really anxious. Thanks in advance guys
[Help] [Question] Has anyone gained weight eating 1200 calories a day?
/u/pailblusea
Created: Fri May 4 21:48:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h509y/question_has_anyone_gained_weight_eating_1200/
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On mobile so I can't flair!
Okay so 1200 just seems to be the *magical* number that it's impossible to gain weight at and only lose weight at unless you are 4'6" according to CICO dieters. They swear by 1200. I am terrified of eating 400! My metabolism has got to be screwed up since I have restricted for so long and I only know 200 calorie days or 8,000 calorie ones.
What's your experience? How tall are you and what's your maintenance calories that will keep you from gaining?
Y'all, I'm drunk as fuck and I love you all so much
/u/deconcerte
Created: Fri May 4 21:41:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4z0w/yall_im_drunk_as_fuck_and_i_love_you_all_so_much/
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I know everyone here hates themselves in one way or another but from one drunk chick in a bathroom to any other - you're all beautiful and I think about everyone on this subreddit every day. ♥️ I hope your day tomorrow is amazing, even if today isn't.
(Idk if I'm actually drunk or if the excess calories for
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] An fatty's annoying rant about DID and trying to blame all of my failures on that
/u/watermelements
Created: Fri May 4 21:37:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4ya6/rantrave_an_fattys_annoying_rant_about_did_and/
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I have dissociative identity disorder, which means I have "alters". Alters are sometimes fully developed personalities coexisting in one body, and sometimes just fragments of a personality. Sometimes just one is in control, sometimes a couple will co-front, whatever. Not important I guess.
Sooooo I personally don't overeat, I rarely eat above 1000 kcal a day. If you check my post history, you'll see posts from two years and 30lbs. ago, when I was so determined and enthusiastic. I was in control of the body predominantly at that time.
Then unrelated things happened and I wasn't the one in control. The binge eater was. The body ballooned, and it's not fair. Sometimes I would force that alter to puke, but rarely. So many digested binges. Sometimes she eats until she vomits from sheer quantity. It's disgusting.
I'm trapped in this body, this disgusting morbidly obese body. That being said, I got a new job on May 1st that requires quite a bit of walking/standing, and I moved home from university to my parent's place for the summer. So a lot of big changes and inner turmoil. Meaning I'm back in control, for at least part of the time instead of none of the time.
The body dysmorphia is so bad. For the amount that I eat I should be within a normal BMI range by now. Too bad I've got to share this body with others, some who actively sabotage and some who have BED. Whatever, it's still my own fault, this is a whiney rant/attempt to slough off my failures and lack of discipline and control onto a mental illness diagnosis.
Even fasting doesn't make me feel better, it just reminds me of the years wasted being fat and actively growing fatter. I hate myself. If anyone is into giving out meanspo hit me up. If anyone needs reverse thinspo, I've got you covered. Stretch marks, huge thighs, double-chins, a big gross borderline double-belly, you name it. I've, unfortunately, got it. PM me.
[Other] florence’s new song
/u/nchlaz
Created: Fri May 4 21:24:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4w1d/florences_new_song/
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https://i.redd.it/c6rd6qkghyv01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate myself
/u/sadbitchaccount
Created: Fri May 4 20:46:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4ozq/i_fucking_hate_myself/
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Im ugly and unlikeable which is going to hold me back in the career I want to pursue :) I wish I could just
[Help] Help!
/u/kinlinlin
Created: Fri May 4 20:45:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4oqz/help/
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Sorry, I'm on mobile, etc.
I'm freaking out. I've been trying to curb my b/p cycles, with moderate success. Unfortunately I just bought a loaf of garlic bread and a can of frosting. I don't want to do this but I didn't feel in control of my body or actions as I wandered through the grocery store.
I'm on my way home now and on the verge of tears because of the self- loathing and fear. I've never felt such a lack of control over my actions.
Weird new inadvertent eating schedule
/u/LLazarus732
Created: Fri May 4 20:33:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4mfu/weird_new_inadvertent_eating_schedule/
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So basically I’ve been restricting the most effectively I ever have (and am finally less than 3 pounds from my GW!!! 🎉) but I’ve sort of fallen into the weirdest pattern and I was wondering if anyone else has been there.
Basically I work out 6 days a week (mostly lifting) and was getting pretty upset and frustrated that I’ve been so incredibly weak while restricting to about 1000 a day. So every day this past week I have stayed below 700 until dinner, then I feel great about myself because I eat something around 300 and am very happy until I realize that I won’t be able to do shit exercise-wise the next day and I’m undoing all my strength and musculature progress. So then I sit and binge at least another 500 calories that my body doesn’t even feel like it wants and feel like total shit and plan to not do it the next day yet here I am on day 6 of this.
I feel like I can’t ever decide if I want to starve or get strong and fit, and now suddenly that’s playing out in a mini version every day of my life. Has anyone else ever done this? I feel awful every night going to sleep and I hate it.
[Discussion] What is everyone’s actual goal?
/u/maybeshesmelting
Created: Fri May 4 20:24:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4kn8/what_is_everyones_actual_goal/
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Apologies in advance if this doesn’t make sense, I may be a little bit drunkish.
What do you all want/hope to gain (pun kind of intended) out of your ed?
What do you ultimately want out of life, leaving the ed out of the equation for the sake of this question?
Do you think your goals for ed/life are compatible, or do you think it will eventually come down to one or the other (you can reach your ed goals by sacrificing your life goals, or vice versa)? How do your goals relate to each other, if at all?
I feel like I was going somewhere else with these questions buuuut can’t remember now.
My own answers to the questions I did remember will be in the comments.
I’ve lost 16 pounds
/u/shortyaten
Created: Fri May 4 20:22:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4k2s/ive_lost_16_pounds/
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Currently 103 lbs from 119 lbs huge difference. Proud of myself I wanna be able to hit 93 in no time.
I think I'm beginning to lose my hair
/u/finnkat
Created: Fri May 4 20:12:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4ia2/i_think_im_beginning_to_lose_my_hair/
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I honestly never thought this day would come but I think it's beginning. I've been taking multivitamins, calcium, magnesium, and biotin for a while now so maybe that's helped slow my hair loss but is there anything else I can do to prevent more of my hair falling out? I already have super thin hair so if I lose too much it'll be really obvious. Can you take prenatal vitamins and multivitamins at the same time? Do hair masks work at all? Or are there any other supplements I should be taking?
Anyone else look at old skinny photos all the time and miss them?
/u/throwaway-soph
Created: Fri May 4 19:56:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4f53/anyone_else_look_at_old_skinny_photos_all_the/
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Like damn my thigh gap was fire, can't wait to be 105 lbs again. I really wish I hadn't gained weight. And I can't even show the photos to anyone and brag, because people usually act concerned, and I feel ashamed that I gained weight. I guess I'll just obsess over them by myself.
Line cook stuck in a binge cycle
/u/Strfless
Created: Fri May 4 19:46:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4dbn/line_cook_stuck_in_a_binge_cycle/
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I’m a line cook at a bbq restaurant. I was doing so well before I got this job but I have to taste the food before it goes out and any waste (fuck ups, doubles, etc) sits in my window for me to eat. I travel an hour each way to get to work so I don’t know how I can bring a lunch. I’m trying to hit my gw before I go back to my home state in 88 days and I’m fucking up.
Anyone else in food service feel my pain ?
What In The Spicy Goddamn Hell
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Fri May 4 19:34:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h4asz/what_in_the_spicy_goddamn_hell/
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I used to be super happy at my weight (125lbs or 56.6kg), gained a shitton of weight and then lost it all again so I'm back down to the same weight I was before but now I feel like I look fat as fuck. What is this bullshit? Now my GW is 115 but I feel like even then I'll be upset.
Sometimes I forget that I'm abnormal.
/u/invisibone
Created: Fri May 4 19:20:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h484h/sometimes_i_forget_that_im_abnormal/
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It's strange, but while my brain knows that this isn't quite right, somehow it's just a faint whisper when I'm down the rabbit hole. I'll actively forget that I purged, to the point where the bag sits in my room an extra day until I notice it and go 'oh yeah, *that happened*. I get confused whenever it's brought to my attention that not eating, crash dieting, laxatives, vomiting, etc. are unhealthy.
It's like the weirdest strongest possible version of DENIAL as a defense mechanism. Thinking about it perplexes me because, yes, yes, this is a disorder/illness/whatever, but, no, no, this is just how things are? Totally normal lifestyle option.
P.S. cue Igor from Young Frankenstein... "the name was, Abbie, yes, Abbie Normal" :'D
[Discussion] DAE not know how to cook because of their ED?
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Fri May 4 19:16:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h47e9/dae_not_know_how_to_cook_because_of_their_ed/
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My boyfriend tried to get me to help out making dinner tonight and I realized I’ve had an ED for so long I don’t know how to cook anything. And then I got wondering whether I’m alone in this or if other people are in the same boat.
[Discussion] Anyone else here b/ping their Friday night away instead of being out with friends living a meaningful life
/u/thinandmint
Created: Fri May 4 19:14:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h46z3/anyone_else_here_bping_their_friday_night_away/
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🙋🏻
[Rant/Rave] Sarah Hyland is 5’2 and 87. I am 5’3 and 130. Unhinged Rant on comparisons
/u/misspennyfoolish
Created: Fri May 4 19:13:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h46t7/sarah_hyland_is_52_and_87_i_am_53_and_130/
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I can’t stop comparing myself to celebrities. The tall ones are the worst - I just want to be attractive and good enough. The last guy who left me loved Gal Gadot. I’ll never look like her. I would need to grow 7 inches and get a whole new face. She’s perfect and I’m not even close. And I fell so fucking hard for him I am heartbroken. I keep thinking if I were beautiful he would have saw me as more than a convenient hook up. He was so charismatic and smart and funny (went to Harvard law while I got waitlisted literally everywhere) - he could have anyone so why would he choose me
I’m a short stubby waist-less genetic mistake and I’m this close to giving up and giving in to the constant binge urges bc I’ll never be attractive no matter how much I lose. I think about my looks and compare myself to gorgeous women constantly. It kills me. I used to have interests and goals and now none of that matters to me - it’s pathetic but I’m too hung up on my own ugliness and want only validation from guys. I strip on Omegle just for a temporary boost. It’s sad I’m sad.
Looks matter too much. I can’t fight centuries of evolution - people just prefer pretty people. And I will never be good enough based on mine.
Thanks for listening. I don’t know what the point of this is. Someone tell me to resist binging? And keep losing? Reassure me that it will still feel good to lose or at least maintain - that trying to be the best me still means something even when I won’t look like Gal Gadot or someone else perfect?
I don’t want to give up but I am falling into a deep dark hole
Hahaha
/u/razzytrazza
Created: Fri May 4 18:54:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h433d/hahaha/
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https://i.redd.it/qu5ex4gqrwv01.jpg
[Discussion] Fridge essentials?
/u/lyhndzie
Created: Fri May 4 18:36:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h3zf8/fridge_essentials/
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So I’m coming down from a really bad binge phase, and I finally got a mini fridge for my bedroom. That means that my safe foods will no longer be stolen by my roommates. Hooray! What are some of the things you guys like to keep in the fridge at all times?
feeling terrible about my office’s free food
/u/ricemask
Created: Fri May 4 18:15:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h3uru/feeling_terrible_about_my_offices_free_food/
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The place where I work offers free breakfast and lunch. Everything is vegan friendly, has fresh organic fruit, lots of Coke Zero, La Croix, literally everything. But we also have some bougie junk food, like coconut milk chocolate, flavored teas, soy protein bars, chia bars, etc. I know it might be a paradise for someone people but I don’t want to eat because a little of anything makes me want to binge. I just want to fast in peace but everyone hangs out in the eating area. I’ve been mainly walking out for lunch but I also want to talk to my coworkers that I only get to see during lunch (they live in the city). I likecfood because of the social aspects but I don’t want any of it. But I also feel guilty because I feel bad for not taking it.
TLDR: How do I stop feeling guilty about not taking free food? Previous food insecurity...
[Help] How often do you take bronkaide
/u/TacosGetMeThrough
Created: Fri May 4 17:16:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h3gzz/how_often_do_you_take_bronkaide/
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I just bought my first box yesterday, I took half a pill twice yesterday and same today.
Do you guys take breaks, how many times a week or for how long do you take it?
I really needed this to get my binging under control but I don’t want to over do it. I scanned previous posts but most were advice on buying/dosage
Today's lack of discipline will serve as a lesson
/u/billionsofatoms
Created: Fri May 4 17:15:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h3gxq/todays_lack_of_discipline_will_serve_as_a_lesson/
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So, today I had a little accident and what I wanted to be a maintenance day turned into a binge. Well, oops.... I ate 2060 cal in total, which means 350-550 more calories than I need in a day to maintain^that's basically 50-80g mass gain, good job walrus. I've been eating recently up to 600-800 cal less than I need in a day, except for an almost maintenance slip-up 2 days ago. I feel very sick physically, dizzy and shaky (what the...!??), but mentally I feel actually fine'ish, better than before when I'd slip up. I know I'm a fraud and weak anyway.
I feel that this is a valuable lesson for me to learn: when I feel like eating so much, I shall remember this day. Today, I wasted 2 days worth of weight loss and restriction. Today, I feel so sick after eating, I'm almost shaking, dizzy and puking. Today may serve as a reminder for my lack of discipline. I'll be merciful and allow myself some peace of mind. Today I only feel bad physically, not mentally as well.
[Help] Random question
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Fri May 4 17:07:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h3f43/random_question/
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How do I make the thing with my info (goal weight, height, ect) appear by my name when I comment on something?
7.6kg to go to GW!
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Fri May 4 16:53:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h3br4/76kg_to_go_to_gw/
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WHY DON'T I LOOK ANY HOTTER
SO Feeds My Binges
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Fri May 4 16:46:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h3a8i/so_feeds_my_binges/
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Everytime I make an offhand comment about craving something, he's straight up ready to go get it at the drop of a hat. If I want sushi, "get pants on, let's go" or if I want a burger "I'll be back, I wanted something anyway". He loves food and he's a very social eater which has been SO hard for me since I have to somehow not only convince him that I'm not hungry but also convince MYSELF.
It's so sweet but so damn hard at the same time because I AM ALWAYS HUNGRY and he's always down to eat.
[Help] Question about ECA stack
/u/billionsofatoms
Created: Fri May 4 16:37:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h3852/question_about_eca_stack/
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I hope it's allowed to ask a bit into it!
I've been reading around here that ECA (ephedrine, caffeine, aspirin) suppresses the appetite and some of you guys use it partially for that purpose!
I started researching a bit on it and supposedly it promotes weight loss and sports performance. But there are side effects too: heart attacks, strokes, death (ayy). Well regardless. I drink coffee and diet cola like it's water, and they don't have any appetite suppressing effect on me (and at this point, not even good at keeping me awake and energized anymore). I'd still like to try something like this. I relapsed and this time I want to hit an even lower weight than last time, and I think something that can suppress my appetite might help a lot! So I have some questions, maybe someone can answer or help me out:
1) Anyone in Europe (maybe even more specifically Scandinavia) using them? If yes, where could I get them from?
2) Are there other appetite suppressants? (is anyone using anything else?)
[Rant/Rave] Definitely tmi, when and how did you reach your lowest point?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Fri May 4 16:23:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h34tq/definitely_tmi_when_and_how_did_you_reach_your/
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Im almost always in huge denial that i have an ed in the first place but this is new. I took an iron supplement on an empty stomach and after which i spent 30 mins throwing up seaweed snacks and diet coke. Holy shit what came up was solid black. Love love love my glamorous ed
[Rant/Rave] hi my friend made fun of me today
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Fri May 4 16:07:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h318t/hi_my_friend_made_fun_of_me_today/
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i told her i had been avoiding junk food after she asked to go out to eat and she said “wow youre restarting your diet again?” and started laughing
ive only had 100 calories since last saturday
this hurts but at least its good meanspo?? idk im feeling down
You know you have a problem when you buy yourself bronkaid as an 18th birthday present xD
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone
Created: Fri May 4 15:37:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h2tsy/you_know_you_have_a_problem_when_you_buy_yourself/
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Geez, do I have a problem?
[Other] I got the knowing smile from the girl behind me in the checkout line.
/u/amaranthinenightmare
Created: Fri May 4 14:51:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h2iar/i_got_the_knowing_smile_from_the_girl_behind_me/
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https://i.redd.it/mnj80yx8jwv01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I feel my ED is invalid (rant)
/u/HonestSpeak
Created: Fri May 4 14:31:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h2d1f/i_feel_my_ed_is_invalid_rant/
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My eating will range on a day so much it's almost scary. I will eat 50-300 calories for 3-4 days then I'll eat 1,500-2,500 for another 3-4 days, and repeat. This isn't like a binge session, this is just how it works, and to keep myself from having a 2,500 day I want to high restrict at 1,200 max per day, but I feel if I do this my ED won't be valid. Because I'm going to eat and get the nutrients it's like it doesn't even matter that every inch of me wants to cut myself open and let all the fat slowly slink out and slap onto the floor. It doesn't matter that I throw up food 2-5 days per week. It doesn't matter that I sturggle so badly when trying to take a bite of anything some days and shoving my face full of whatever I can find on others. It doesn't matter that I'm still losing weight. I feel that even if it's only a few calories over, anything over 1,000 calories means I don't even have an eating disorder and it's all for attention. I'm just faking it and it's just a diet. (Btw I only feel this way about myself. I highly encourage high restriction over low restriction when it comes to other people, but I feel this way when it comes to myself) I hate that I feel this way. I hate that when I want to eat 1,200 calories or so per day, my mind tells me I'm a failure, and I don't deserve to say I have an ED, and because I don't drop a pound a day, I'm not good enough. Sorry, I just needed to rant somewhere.
TLDR: I want to high restrict but I feel everything about my ED won't be valid anymore if I do, even if I am still losing.
[Goal] You all look so good
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Fri May 4 14:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h27za/you_all_look_so_good/
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I'm 140 - 148lbs (fluctuates a lot, so let's just say 144lbs), and I'm so soft and round, but yall with the same weight as me or more just look so good. I'm jealous! I can't help but be proud of you all and feel motivated to keep going.
My goal is 120 right now. Hopefully I can get there!
[Rant/Rave] Unexpected benefit
/u/dotprinceton
Created: Fri May 4 14:05:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h26ae/unexpected_benefit/
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I just bought 5 bras and 12 pairs of underwear for under $50 total on Amazon \- the unexpected benefits of fitting into girls' and teens' sizes!
[Rant/Rave] BF threw away my snack for the evening and now I'm sad
/u/alpakasundtacos
Created: Fri May 4 13:26:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h1vw3/bf_threw_away_my_snack_for_the_evening_and_now_im/
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I put away some bread from yesterday's dinner to snack on this evening as a rare treat, since bread isn't safe food for me - but today I wanted to break my most recent fast with some bread and was really looking forward to it. My BF however thought that nobody wanted the leftover bread, that was stored away in a container anyways so he threw it away without asking and now I'm sitting here starving bc all the stores are closed and we don't have any safe foods at home. I even told him he could have my veggies to make pizza, but at that time I thought some bread was eating for me still :(
I wish I could just eat something else but I am so upset I can't. I hate this so much :(
[Rant/Rave] MIRACLE NOODLE IS A MIRACLE
/u/elvirahancock69
Created: Fri May 4 12:36:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h1ijh/miracle_noodle_is_a_miracle/
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i just tried shirataki for the first time and !!!!!!!! i made the biggest bowl of vegetables and shirataki with a tsp of teriyaki sauce and garlic and holy shit i can't remember the last time i felt this full
and it was **108 calories.** like i am too full to eat for the rest of the day off 108 fucking calories. BLESS
[Other] I wish I wasn’t afraid of food
/u/MiauMiau1919
Created: Fri May 4 12:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h1ifg/i_wish_i_wasnt_afraid_of_food/
---
I wish I didn’t constantly feel uncomfortable in my body.
I wish I could just eat and not worry or think about it or feel like crap after.
[Help] Relapse after almost 5 months binge free, new wild trigger appears
/u/desaparecida
Created: Fri May 4 12:04:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h19yn/help_relapse_after_almost_5_months_binge_free_new/
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I absolutely gave up control and binged on food that's not even particularly tasty. Just bread, cream cheese and jam :( because when I lose control I'm disgusting like that.
I started a new chapter in my life but I'm struggling a lot to adapt to this new environment. In the past I acknowledged all my triggers and had a plan on how to deal with them when the situation called for it, but recently I discovered a new trigger that I just dont know how to approach.
I lived isolated and alone for just over a year, but now that I'm again surrounded by people everyday I realize I became inept when dealing with social interactions. I feel as if I forgot how to interact with people, I make stupid or awkward comments and become really anxious when I can see people notice. How can this be happening to a 25yo woman? I feel embarrassed to admit this, but I can see it's becoming a big problem.
In the past year I had maybe a bad night a month, but that was it. I put and end to it and moved on with my life. I've been downing juice, bread and pastries for almost 2 weeks now, and the scale knows it too. I'm 2kg heavier but in all honesty, is my emotional stability what worries me more. I never thought I would say something like that (does that mean that even in the midst of my crisis I'm somehow better?????) but I just want to be comfortable in my own body and have normal conversations with people without overthinking every sentence that comes out of my mouth.
Can anyone relate to this? :(
[Rant/Rave] Comments about my weight / how much I eat
/u/Wander3
Created: Fri May 4 11:16:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h0x26/comments_about_my_weight_how_much_i_eat/
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Just now my aunt pointed out about how I have a cheeks now. My sister in a low voice said all she does is eat and sit around. I pretended I didn’t hear anything and laughed it off. But my eyes are filling up with tears and there’s a lump in my throat.
I’ve been in a binge mode for a couple of weeks after hard restricting, and just now starting to go back to restricting. Now I feel like I need to starve myself.
My TDEE is around 1000. To lose anything I already have a hard time because I’ll eat so little and still see no progress.
I’m trying not to cry because I’m around my family.
I hate this.
[Rant/Rave] I feel so WIDE
/u/fluffyfinaland
Created: Fri May 4 10:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h0c6j/i_feel_so_wide/
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No matter how much weight I lose I just feel like I’m so wide across and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m still nowhere near my GW, but I can at least acknowledge that I’m losing a few pounds. Even if the pounds are there, I can still suck it in and look like I have a flat stomach, but you can’t suck in your wideness!
No clue how much of this is real and how much is being made up through the body dysmorphia lens, but I swear I’m three feet across.
Anyone else (duh, I’m sure you do) worry about this?
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Traveling means 5 days of social eating for 3 meals per day
/u/MiauMiau1919
Created: Fri May 4 09:52:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h09t8/rantrave_traveling_means_5_days_of_social_eating/
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...And no privacy to purge.
I'm not looking forward to it. Do you guys ever eat just to look normal? I feel like I eat WAY less than other people, because when I travel and eat when my companions eat, it feels like some huge binge, but everyone else is (presumably) eating normally for them. And then we're sharing a hotel room + bathroom, so I can't purge it later, and I just feel like crap for days.
I miss my boobs...
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Fri May 4 09:43:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h07cf/i_miss_my_boobs/
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Don't get me wrong, I am much happier with my body than I was back then but now instead of my biggest insecurity being my stomach, it's my breast. I went from a C cup to an A. I've honestly considered getting inpatients because I hate how they are now. People tell me to gain some weight back to get them back but I did not come this far to just to put on weight again.
Has anyone else had the same problem? I feel like this is something we aren't supposed to talk about...
[Help] Is it time to stop?
/u/fiyacht524
Created: Fri May 4 09:35:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h057i/is_it_time_to_stop/
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I was at my uni doctor for a health and weight check today - for which I've been restricting pretty hard for - and I've actually reached my goal. I'm officially underweight. The doctor seemed worried, and gave me the usual warnings of a low BMI yada yada.
My boyfriend is worried about me, he's pleading with me to stop, to get better. I'm at my goal weight, I should be happy. But I don't feel ready, I didn't think it would happen this quickly, and I'm not quite ready to let go.
Any advice guys?
[Rant/Rave] This is the 5th night in a row after a one night break of me b/ping and telling myself ‘this is the last night’
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Fri May 4 09:19:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h010f/this_is_the_5th_night_in_a_row_after_a_one_night/
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I’m so tired.
[Help] Sertraline: How to take while restricting?
/u/variousnecessities7
Created: Fri May 4 09:16:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8h003q/sertraline_how_to_take_while_restricting/
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Just got prescribed 50 mg Sertraline for depression.
My friend who does not have an ED says he always takes his with food because otherwise it makes him nauseous and he has vomited it up before.
Well, that’s a little tricky when you don’t have any semblance of a regular eating schedule.
Does anyone take it on a near-empty stomach? Would a sub-100 calorie snack be sufficient or do I really need to take it after a meal?
I know we’re not doctors and idk if this is too bordering on “medical advice”. If so, happy to take it down....don’t wanna get in trouble 😐
anybody hear the new florence + the machine single?
/u/impulsivescaddict
Created: Fri May 4 09:08:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gzy7a/anybody_hear_the_new_florence_the_machine_single/
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she knows
Summer safe foods
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Fri May 4 08:16:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gzkhh/summer_safe_foods/
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https://i.redd.it/pjszxawpkuv01.png
This may sound silly but is it ok if I'm here if I have BED and am currently overweight??
/u/QueenOfSiamese
Created: Fri May 4 08:06:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gzi35/this_may_sound_silly_but_is_it_ok_if_im_here_if_i/
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i guess this is more a self loathing thing, im currently in therapy nd am not supposed to be trying to lose weight but lol. My binges are insane I used to be underweight I literally gained so much weight so quickly I have stretch marks everywhere rip
am i allowed to post here i dont wanna intrude if its more catered to people on the other side of the ed spectrum
[Help] Good laxative?
/u/crazylama13
Created: Fri May 4 07:16:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gz5uj/good_laxative/
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Hello all! So last night I got really drunk with some friends and went out to get food, as drunk people often do. Long and uninteresting story short I ate a lot of Indian food and ice cream and now I look like a pig. I want to take a laxative and usually I would just drink milk of magnesia or some laxative tea but I have my guy sex person coming over in about 8 hours. What laxatives are fast acting and don’t last for a long time? I basically just want to poop before he comes over.
Hit me with your favorite K-cup flavors!
/u/Egleriel
Created: Fri May 4 07:11:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gz4hs/hit_me_with_your_favorite_kcup_flavors/
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I'm gonna be fixing my Keurig over the weekend when I go home, so I can have coffee that's not instant again.
Gonna be trying to train myself to drink it black so I need some awesome flavors!
My favorite before was coconut mocha donut shop flavor! What's yours?
i refuse to even consider recovery until people start pushing me to
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Fri May 4 07:08:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gz3vu/i_refuse_to_even_consider_recovery_until_people/
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this is f'd up but in my mind i wont be worthy enough to recover until people start seeing me as emaciated, especially my SO. He's said things like "you need more meat on your bones" and "if you lose anymore you'll be way too small." These comments make me happy but I want to get to a point where he's pushing me towards recovery/persistently worrying. I know this sounds selfish but I feel like there's no way I'll be motivated enough unless others have taken interest and view me as "sick enough" which is illogical af but thats my ED brain for ya.
Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! May 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 4 06:13:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gyrcz/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_may_04/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for May 04, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri May 4 06:13:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gyrbv/daily_food_diary_may_04_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 04, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Other] I’m drunk and I ate a burger what up
/u/buddyflies
Created: Fri May 4 06:07:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gyq61/im_drunk_and_i_ate_a_burger_what_up/
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That’s right I ate a fuckin burger and I won’t even purge it wow I’m amazing.
I don’t care and I enjoyed that goddamn burger (vegan gardein goddamn) I don’t care right now (can’t believe I ate bread wtf!!!) but I’ll probably care tomorrow. Hey hey hey let’s all have a good time, gotta love gotta have fun
😘😘😘
High Calorie Intake
/u/HonestSpeak
Created: Fri May 4 05:42:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gyl44/high_calorie_intake/
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To those of you who have a higher calorie intake, what was your lowest BMI? Have you ever felt like your ED wasn't valid because your intake is higher? Has someone ever told you it isn't valid? What do you think the benefits versus the losses of having a higher calorie intake are?
I know I should be lower than this...
/u/lights-in-the-sky
Created: Fri May 4 05:30:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gyiwb/i_know_i_should_be_lower_than_this/
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I just ended a fast at ~104 hours. I'm proud that I made it, but aaaaaa according to my calculations I should be roughly 129.4 pounds by now. The scale said 131.2, which is higher than last week's 130.2...
I *should* have had a net weight loss of ~0.8 pounds, even with my weekend binging. I'm hoping that all of the food from Friday-Sunday is still somehow affecting the number on the scale, but I'm worried I just drastically underestimated how much I ate (or overestimated my TDEE?)
Idk I just needed to rant I guess. I feel fucking awful. I've been looking forward to finally being under 130.
[Help] Tesco lowcal recommendations
/u/elizasbreath
Created: Fri May 4 05:16:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gyg7q/tesco_lowcal_recommendations/
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Any recommendations apart from halo top and breyers?
[RANT] My entire day yesterday was a binge.
/u/Judo_Noob_PTX
Created: Fri May 4 04:16:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gy5x2/rant_my_entire_day_yesterday_was_a_binge/
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Rant/Rave please as on mobile.
Oh god, I don't even know where to start talking about this. 2 days ago I woke up feeling really unwell - I ate under 1000 for the first time (not on purpose just didn't want food) and then yesterday I woke up UNWELL PROPER. So I stayed home from 6th form. My problem was, there was I've cream, and cookies, and all sorts of delicious crap in the house, so whatever I wanted I could eat it. My friend knows I do this stuff (I don't identify as having an ED, but I know she would say I do - she's a recovering bulimic) so I texted her freaking out about all the junk food. Her response was to relax, you don't need to be skinny to be beautiful, you're lovely as you are. Great - only now, today, I'm sitting here reflecting on the pint of definitely-not-halo-top ice cream and the pack of cookies I ate yesterday, feeling like hell.
With all the food I ate yesterday, it came to 2300 calories. That's not even a binge by some people standards, but as twice what I have been eating most days, it really freaks me out! I don't want to gain from this. I never purge (I'm trying to hold myself back from it) and I can't exercise due to being ill, so there's no way of getting rid of this guilt. I wish I could just accept how I ate over the 2 days: 950 + 2300 = 3200. Which is about 1600 a day, not too bad. But all I can see is the 2300 shouting at me. 2300. 2300. You're fat. You're stupid. 2300. Why did you eat so much?! I hate feeling like this!!!
I'm sorry for this rant. I don't know why I wrote all this. I messaged my friend with the 2300 and asked for help, but she's leaving me on Seen. So I felt I had to post here. Thank you for reading all this way.
[Rant/Rave] Who can relate :/
/u/alonlioak
Created: Fri May 4 03:50:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gy1qz/who_can_relate/
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https://i.redd.it/605booae9tv01.jpg
How to reduce rub spots on lower back hip bones?
/u/Melusedek
Created: Fri May 4 03:01:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gxud0/how_to_reduce_rub_spots_on_lower_back_hip_bones/
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This is super fucking weird, but I have these two raw patches of skin on my low back on either side of my spine where my hipbones are. This has literally never happened to me before, even when I was underweight. I don't even know where it's from. Possible my back pack but idk. Any tips? I'm trying to wear more padding and put lotion on it morning and night.
[Help] How do I hide my weight from my parents?
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Fri May 4 02:02:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gxllk/how_do_i_hide_my_weight_from_my_parents/
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I live away from home, I only see my parents like once every two weeks. I'm underweight for the first time ever, last time I saw them I was 5kg heavier and there is definitely a large visual difference because my chestbones and cheekbones are showing.
I have some baggy sweatpants but what else can I do to hide my obvious weight loss from my parents? i suppose layering up is the obvious answer but idk
also pls don't say "gain weight"
[Rant/Rave] I thought...
/u/ConsciousSwimming
Created: Fri May 4 01:54:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gxkb5/i_thought/
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I just needed to get this out somewhere.
I've been a lurker of this sub. I had bulimia for 4 years before attempting and mostly successfully getting rid out of the cycle of binging and starving myself, but the body dysmorphia never really went away. I think this is the result of being my parents bulling me about my weight for years on end. I can only hear their words when I try to move on from this dysmorphia. I never successfully have gotten rid of it, and I don't think I ever really will to be honest. This always loomed over me throughout my unsuccessful and final successful attempt to get out of the cycle.
Until today, I had successfully maintained without b/p and restriction for about a year and half or so.
But out of nowhere tonight, I felt the uncontrollable urge to restrict again.
Like full on the voice in my head came back telling me to punish myself to not eat, that I was stupid for being so fat, that I was fat. I couldn't even bear to see my reflection cause all I saw was a fat blubbery blob. All I could feel was just a bloated fucking mess. I wanted It was that heavy painful feeling that just was crushing. I feel the thoughts just stuck. I don't want to fall into these painful habits just again. I'm so MAD at myself. I'm so upset. Like I thought I had fixed this, but I know until the feeling passes I'm not going to be able to eat normally without feeling like I'm an awful person and that I need to vomit whatever I put in my mouth. Trying to eat feels like I'm chewing on something that is just disgusting in my mouth and I just. I just thought I had made it out of this hell hole.
I thought that I had gotten passed this.
I thought I had this under control.
I thought I was better.
But I'm not.
And I'm so very mad at myself, and I want to cry again. I don't want to go through this again.
TLDR: The feeling of restriction came back after a year and a half of successfully not b/p and restriction, fell back into restriction.
I spent an hour organising and cataloguing all of my food today and I thought you guys would be interested!
/u/vulpixies
Created: Fri May 4 01:29:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gxgoq/i_spent_an_hour_organising_and_cataloguing_all_of/
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https://imgur.com/gallery/g2GI0J7
I can't eat halo top because it's not the lowest-calorie ice cream that exists
/u/EllaSuaveterre
Created: Fri May 4 01:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gxgih/i_cant_eat_halo_top_because_its_not_the/
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I see all of the posts glorifying Halo top here, and honestly Halo top looks delicious, and certainly 320 or 280 calories a pint is way better than that plus a thousand that you usually find on Ben & Jerry's.
But I cannot bring myself to buy it, even just to try it. I can't eat anything but the Arctic zero creamy version because it's 150 calories a pint in every flavor. I look at Halo top and I think, how can people think this is low-calorie enough to just eat by the pint??
I'm not judging people who love Halo top at all. In fact I kind of wish I could eat 300 calories in a single sitting, from a single food item, without wanting to die.
[Help] Anyone else have a really bad metabolism?
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Fri May 4 00:14:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gx4h1/anyone_else_have_a_really_bad_metabolism/
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My family have always been a little overweight and I definitely beluve slow metabolism runs in the family...I eat maybe 500cals a day, 700 TOPS, yet somehow I still manage to gain weight at the end. Google isn't helping me out much, so how can I speed it up? Any tips??
I’m on and off
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Fri May 4 00:07:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gx362/im_on_and_off/
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What I mean by this is that some days I’m full blown starving myself for weeks then on a few days of those weeks I’ll feel “normal.” Like I don’t have an eating disorder at all and I eat normally. Normally meaning about 500-800 calories. It’s like I don’t have the mean thoughts anymore or anything, but they always come back and go back to starving or near starving myself for the next few weeks.
The amount of “normal” days has slowly decreased and I feel like that’s a sign that I’m getting worse along with a few other things. (Too long to describe)
Does anyone get this or feel like this?
[Goal] Goal: Reached 26" waist for the first time in 7 years (almost back at lowest adult weight)
/u/MsFaceless
Created: Thu May 3 23:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gwtxo/goal_reached_26_waist_for_the_first_time_in_7/
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https://i.imgur.com/DktAT0w.jpg
It’s time
/u/ThermalAnvil
Created: Thu May 3 23:07:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gwsm4/its_time/
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“You won’t be happy just because you’re skinny” Okay let’s see about that WHEN IM SKINNY AGAIN!! I have tried to be better and all I do is get stuck at a plateau and binge eat. I’ve eaten my way through 100 pounds! If I have to chose between binge eating and ana. I’m going to chose Ana! I use to be 98 pounds, did I have an ED? Of course! But I can’t believe I traded that one for binge eating! Maybe now that I’m at the other side of the spectrum I WILL be happy at a lower weight.
A (hilarious) new low I think....
/u/pretttyvacant
Created: Thu May 3 22:27:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gwl7y/a_hilarious_new_low_i_think/
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LOL GUYS the worst thing just happened to me.
I am staying the night at a friend's house and just went to my car to purge. I puked into a clear plastic bag and then left it on the front seat while I went to get some napkins out of the trunk to wipe my face/blow my nose with. And my dumb ass somehow LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE CAR. With the lights on. And the clear bag full of vomit on the front seat!!!!!
AND my AAA membership just lapsed and I haven't renewed it yet. My friend has AAA and will call it in for me tomorrow but I have to invent a way to NOT have her come out with me to meet the AAA guys. And then I guess I have to hope the AAA guy doesn't notice the big ole smelly bag full of vomit on the front seat. Plus he's going to have to jump start my car bc it will be dead by then.
This is honestly the nastiest and most embarrassing thing I have ever done omg.
Do I have binge eating disorder?
/u/li_hu_sh
Created: Thu May 3 22:25:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gwkum/do_i_have_binge_eating_disorder/
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Hello, please help me. First off, yes, I know that this is Reddit and the majority here isn't professional. I just want throughts on this. Recently, the past year I've gained 10 pounds. In just one year.
I've been more mindful of my eating these past 3 months and I eat insane amounts for snacks. I often hide food in my room to eat as my dad criticizes my eating. I often eat 1k calories for snack after school but I can't stop, even if I'm so full.
I hate to say this, but I love the taste of food and I can't stop. Then, I feel so guilty that all I do is lay around and curse at myself.
I used to excercise alot but I get injured when I run so I don't do anything to try to excercise (I hate myself for this). I don't throw up or use laxatives, and I can't starve myself- I would just snap and eat stuff.
I'm trying to be careful of not skewing my observations to make it seem like I have binge eating disorder, but all the signs seem to point to this? I don't want to speak to my doctor, as she 'll tell my mom. I'm ashamed that I "can't stop eating" as she thinks its out of laziness and weakness.
I'm so pissed at my friend for making me dinner. AKA the story of why im about to become lonely again
/u/Egleriel
Created: Thu May 3 22:00:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gwfvt/im_so_pissed_at_my_friend_for_making_me_dinner/
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I'm not hanging out with her anymore. She invited me to lunch and I got out by saying I already ate and then 2 hours later she invites me to dinner and I said I'll come over but I don't have the calories for dinner because this bitch knows I'm dieting but I felt guilty for dismissing her for lunch.
I go over and shes making food for her and other her friend. And I'm like okay this is fine whatever. And then the food gets out of the oven and they go to get it and there's another serving. And shes like "arent you gonna eat?" I'm like i cant I dont have the calories today I already ate so much (by that i meant 200😞) and shes like "youre gonna waste all that food? You know i dont really have enough money to waste food"
So out of guilt I fucking ate it..
And then i binged. Fuck this. Fuck having friends. Fuck her for guikt tripping me. Fuck her for making food when i said no. I couldve gotten through tonight without binging without her fucking fried chicken and buscuits. 😡 damn im so pissed
Old School Diet Food/Shit Your Mom Ate
/u/UnrecoverableFuss
Created: Thu May 3 21:57:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gwfaw/old_school_diet_foodshit_your_mom_ate/
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I bought a second pack of spicy V8 (30 cal/can) today and starting to get all fucking nostalgic. All y'all "oldies" here - what were your first ED staples? For me, they were all the diet foods my mom ate...melba toast, low-fat cottage cheese, VitaTops (do these still exist?!), sugar twin, bran muffins, rice puffs, the 80s lean cuisines that were still full of sodium and 100x better...
What are your favorite old-school diet foods?
[Other] mood
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Thu May 3 21:44:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gwcm1/mood/
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https://i.redd.it/a8pitjf2grv01.jpg
How can I stop being such an awful human??
/u/useh3rname
Created: Thu May 3 21:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gwbos/how_can_i_stop_being_such_an_awful_human/
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I feel like, because of my ED, I’ve turned into this awful, mean\-spirited person. No matter who I’m with or where I go, I always find myself constantly comparing myself to other people. If someone’s skinnier than me, I’m jealous. If someone’s bigger, I’m hateful. Everyone seems to have something that I don’t, and I despise the fact that I have to project my own insecurities onto other people. In the end, I just end up hating myself the most.
Xenadrine?
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Thu May 3 21:19:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gw7mg/xenadrine/
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Anyone else take it? Or something else? Do not reccomened me an mlm... I'm talking more about stuff like hydroxy cut, xenadrine, or the yellow jackets? Or do you just drink black coffee? Sorry so many questions..
I think im ready...
/u/Spacey_Lacy
Created: Thu May 3 21:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gw61a/i_think_im_ready/
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Ive suffered with Eating disorders my whole life and my family have forced me to "Recover" Multiple times... But they dont understand that i cant recover if im not ready. So ive always relasped. But today i noticed a friend wasnt eating and i asked if he was sick. He pulled me aside and said that he hates his body and has been starving himself lately. He isnt fat... Nowhere near it... And seeing him break down like that killed me. When i told him that he wasnt fat then he looked at me and said "look whos talking" He told me that he knew about my eating disorder and said "if you think youre fat then what am i?" seeing him in so much pain and sadness made me WANT to recover... I dont want to be hungry all the time... And i dont want my friends to hurt because of me
[Discussion] I want to share my sweet girl Bella. I hope this is ok. Idk where I would be without her. She helps me so much and I'm training her to be my service dog this summer.
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Thu May 3 21:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gw4rd/i_want_to_share_my_sweet_girl_bella_i_hope_this/
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https://i.redd.it/hrhjhfpz8rv01.jpg
[Other] binged. purged.
/u/bmddx
Created: Thu May 3 21:00:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gw3u2/binged_purged/
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i had been clean for a few days & was starting to believe that i could be okay. fuck this. i'm sorry for this. i just had to say it somewhere.
[Discussion] DAE have anxiety/not trust chipotle-style places
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Thu May 3 20:47:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gw15u/dae_have_anxietynot_trust_chipotlestyle_places/
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Chipotle, Verts, Subway, etc.
I found a new place in town that does mediterranean food and it promotes health-conscious eating and the website literally has a *calorie counting meal builder* y'all- it even has *macros* like wtf
Anyway, I got ridiculously excited and went ahead and built my bowl. The website said it would be 503c which was perfect for my OMAD today
I went to the restaurant and started my order and I don't know if it's my ED or what but the guy building my bowl seemed to *heap* everything in. I got the bowl and it felt way too heavy to only be 503c. Unfortunately, after 5 days of <400c restricting, I came home and ate all of it.
There was no way for me to measure each ingredient as it was all mixed up in a bowl, but I refuse to believe the 503c from the website. I've just rounded it up to 900c in MFP and am gonna heavily restrict tomorrow. I knew 503 was too good to be true but also I'm probably just crazy lmao
Anyway- does anyone else have anxiety around these places even if they claim they're healthy/give you calories?
[Other] Disgusting me
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Thu May 3 20:42:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gw02p/disgusting_me/
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Me: let's my food get old, cold, and disgusting so I won't eat it
Also me : oh let me eat all this cold old soggy food.
[Discussion] Anyone else's parents gave up on them?
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Thu May 3 20:39:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvzgj/anyone_elses_parents_gave_up_on_them/
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The first time my mom found out about my ED, about 2 years ago, she forced me into treatment, was extremely diligent about forcing me to eat, even facetimed me during lunch at school to make sure I was eating!
My relapse after that, she was aware of it and voiced concern, and tried to make me eat more, and asked me to consider treatment again.
My relapse after THAT, she did nothing. She asked me to at least eat one meal a day, and that was it.
I feel bad that I wore her down to the point that she just won't try anymore.
[Discussion] Ladies, Does Anyone Else Here Get Bad Menstrual Cramps When At A Lower Weight?
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Thu May 3 20:37:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvywn/ladies_does_anyone_else_here_get_bad_menstrual/
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I went from 160lbs (72.6kg) to 125lbs (56.6kg) and now my cramps are so so so bad. And I remember them being really bad when I was at my LW before I went on a year long binge due to "recovery".
I think it's especially bad since I'm restricting to 300-400 calories a day.
Just curious if anyone else has this problem at a LW or a HW.
Finally off to a good start
/u/skinnykitty1
Created: Thu May 3 20:20:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvve7/finally_off_to_a_good_start/
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I've bought diastix AND a glucose monitor to test my diet drinks. I bought a bunch of lean protein (egg whites and chicken) and vegetables to subsist off. I HAVE to lose weight for a wedding (not mine just attending) in a month. I mostly wanted to share because DUDE - testing drinks has changed my life the past week. Here we go! Wishing positive vibes out to anyone else starting off on a good restricting phase!
How to stop cravings
/u/twinflame2twinflame
Created: Thu May 3 20:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvu00/how_to_stop_cravings/
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Hi everyone I'm having a hard time right now with cravings. I'm really craving hamburgers, Italian food, pizza, Mexican you name it I'm craving it. What can I do to stop this. are there any tips and tricks. Please help.
If I eat enough sugar-free chocolate(with sugar alcohols) to get the laxative effect then do the calories no longer count since you expel them?
/u/dried_pineapple
Created: Thu May 3 20:11:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvtj7/if_i_eat_enough_sugarfree_chocolatewith_sugar/
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[Help] my friend is triggering my ED and idk what to do
/u/eca3c4
Created: Thu May 3 19:46:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvnwf/my_friend_is_triggering_my_ed_and_idk_what_to_do/
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So, I'm living at my friends house for a couple of weeks. I'm really glad he let me stay here for a while, but at the same time it's been hard.
He's been through a lot lately and he is suffering a lot, I'm trying to be a good friend and I'm trying to take care of him.
The problem is that he hasn't been eating like at all, and I don't know if it's a mental health issue or a physical issue. He eats the same way I used to eat when I was trying to fast (having like one really tiny meal per day, for example yesterday he only ate an orange yesterday). Today his dad made some beans and toast, he ate two bites and then threw up. He says that his stomach is sick, but like, neither him or his family seems to care about the fact that he's not eating.
I'm trying to recover from my bulimia, and I've been through ups and downs for at least 7 years. And seeing him do the same stuff I used to do (apart from the binging) is getting me in a really bad place. It also doesn't help that he is REALLY skinny, and since he lost some pounds he looks sick, I'm pretty chubby and I ended up gaining some weight the last 5 months and idk it's just too much.
I do have another place to stay apart from his house, but I feel that if I leave he is gonna be more depressed than he already is.
But I'm worried about myself too, like, I'm already skipping meals and that was something that I haven't done since 2016.
tl;dr: my friend says he's sick and he's is not eating and now i'm skipping meals too
Can someone please tell me if Artic Zero ice cream is for real?
/u/invisibone
Created: Thu May 3 19:42:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvn7y/can_someone_please_tell_me_if_artic_zero_ice/
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150 calories a pint?!?!?!?! I don't trust it... or myself D:
[Rant/Rave] Isn't it sad?
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Thu May 3 19:39:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvmls/isnt_it_sad/
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Isn't it sad that with my first pay check at my new job I'm gonna go buy a new weight scale because I think mine is broken? Even though I've been having a flatter stomach nowadays.. makes me think I'm going insane and I'm not actually losing weight
[Rant/Rave] i ate a burrito and a milkshake
/u/ariana1234567890
Created: Thu May 3 19:25:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvjhz/i_ate_a_burrito_and_a_milkshake/
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and i regret it and want to make myself throw up
i ate a burrito and a milkshake
/u/ariana1234567890
Created: Thu May 3 19:19:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvia0/i_ate_a_burrito_and_a_milkshake/
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and i regret it and i want to make myself throw up
[Help] Laxative teas
/u/gabygorl
Created: Thu May 3 18:58:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvdll/laxative_teas/
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Which are your favourite laxatives teas? Do you find that they work the same as laxative pills? When do you prefer to take laxatives? I usually take mine right after my last snack/‘meal’ so I have the evening to get It to kick in.
Any advice laxative related is helpful! I’ve dabbled a little with them but I find that my laxative tea may not be doing the trick.
I am done torturing my body
/u/gogobingegadget
Created: Thu May 3 18:55:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gvcsa/i_am_done_torturing_my_body/
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Im done jogging on the treadmill for an hour and eating <1k calories and still feeling guilty.
Im done painfully stuffing my stomach with food that will make me feel sick for the following 3 days.
Im done feeling dizzy and having chest pains and still not being anywhere near underweight.
And Im really fucking done with the weekly cycle of trying to lose 'x' amount of weight before seeing my long distance boyfriend, because I feel undeserving of admiration or love at the relatively normal BMI of 20.9
Ive been losing and gaining the same 10 lbs for 6 months now. I am obsessed with food, and I spend all day thinking about it, or eating, or looking at my naked body in the mirror, and weighing myself on the hour. I have no other hobbies and also no idea what I actually look like.
I give up. I am exhausted. I am going to try to be *healthy*
Here we go. I am focusing on avoiding binge eating, while eating at my TDEE and making sure I get proper nutrition. Im still going to track my intake and obsessively exercise because I need the security blanket, but I want to make amends with my body and Im willing to compromise. Wish me luck.
[Other] My cat loves Halo Top too
/u/ManicPixieBallerina
Created: Thu May 3 18:03:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gv0u0/my_cat_loves_halo_top_too/
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I have no idea why. In her over ten years, she's pretty much only loved two "no, kitty" foods; chicken nuggets and leafy plants. But damn does she want Halo Top. Every flavor I have tried, she is right there, batting at my spoon and trying to lick the carton. I don't get it. She's never even remotely shown an interest in ice cream before. And she doesn't want any other ice cream, because there's one other variety I like, and she has no interest.
Anyone else have to wrestle a safe food away from a pet?
[Discussion] How many calories do you eat on a binge/cheat day?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Thu May 3 17:34:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8guu5g/how_many_calories_do_you_eat_on_a_bingecheat_day/
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When I plan a cheat day I absolutely do not go over 1300cals but I try to keep it under 1200cals
What about you ?
[Discussion] what are y’alls go to food at fast food places?
/u/fragilmountain
Created: Thu May 3 17:27:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gusjg/what_are_yalls_go_to_food_at_fast_food_places/
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i’m compiling a list of things to get. i know there’s been other posts like this before but i wanted to see some more input!! thank you guys
[Help] c/s fixation
/u/squishykiss
Created: Thu May 3 17:22:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gur47/cs_fixation/
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Has anyone lost weight chewing & spitting while also restricting?
I know that the calories are typically negligible, and I’m aware of the potential harmful side effects. I don’t do it regularly but I did it once earlier today & I’m c/s’ing a bag of bread as I’m typing this.
I’ve only c/s chewy/bread stuff, like bagels or chicken. I’m just scared I’m going to gain weight because of this.
Scales are confusing, finallllyyyyyy at a new CW, positive comment and also my ED runs my life haha!
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Thu May 3 17:18:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8guq75/scales_are_confusing_finallllyyyyyy_at_a_new_cw/
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So I decided to do a weigh in today after restricting with some slip ups the past 1 1/2 months. I was at 107.9 (my first cw on here 108) last time I weighed in which was down from 111 at the end of holidays.
So as a normal person would do I go to bed, bath, and beyond and "test" all the scales to weigh in as per my usual MO. So I take my weight and it says 102.8! I couldn't believe it! Then weighed again on the same scale and it said 106.2.......... I know I did not lose only 1.5 lbs based on how my clothes are fitting. Then I weigh in on every scale!!!!!! Most were around 103-104. HOW is this even a thing? I even made sure to stand in the same spot.
Either way I was finally able to change my CW on here from 108-106 after a year of plateau and restrict/binge periods. 'I picked 106 just to be sure.
Today a co-worker who I rarely see said "I just realized how thin you are"....oh I heard it!!! but was talking with another person at the time and said I am so sorry what did you say....repeats it. I said uhhhhh thanks
awkwardly, obviously.....
I was having a horrible day, but this made me feel soooo much better! Finally an achievement but it makes me feel such a mess that a number really does define me.
Today I heard a group of girls talking about thigh gaps and that made me feel sad. Why is this so tough! Damn world!
Me, after screwing up a fast early...
/u/xveritaserumx
Created: Thu May 3 17:06:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gun4i/me_after_screwing_up_a_fast_early/
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Me: Oh hey. Those Clif bars looks really good. I only have 6 hours to go on my fast. I can do this.
Brain: BUT THEY HAVE YOUR FAVOURITE FLAVOUR. WHITE CHOCOLATE MACADAMIA.
Me: Well shit.
Brain: I'LL HATE YOU IF YOU DON'T EAT IT.
Me: Uhhh, uhhhh... okay fine.
Brain: HAHA YOU BROKE YOUR FAST EARLY. NOW YOU NEED TO BINGE ALL DAY.
Me: I feel like I was set up.
Me: <eats 1000 calories for lunch>
Today I took a picture of my binge. 2600 calories in one sitting.
/u/Creepy_Bite
Created: Thu May 3 16:39:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gug7q/today_i_took_a_picture_of_my_binge_2600_calories/
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https://i.redd.it/kvdz1297xpv01.jpg
Suicide Attempt, Hospitalized, Can’t Stop Bingeing
/u/supemery
Created: Thu May 3 16:19:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gubm7/suicide_attempt_hospitalized_cant_stop_bingeing/
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I had a suicide attempt about three weeks ago, was intubated and put on a vent. After my kidneys got right, I got put in the psych hospital. I was keto before my hospitalization but the hospital had nothing but carbs. Since I’ve been out, I’ve been bingeing for about two weeks. I’ve been eating like 4000+ calories a day and have gained a significant amount of weight. I’m going grocery shopping tonight and buying keto food to try to help me get in control again. Ugh. I’d appreciate any support, kind words, or advice.
Think I've just had an epiphany about progressing. Any one want to input?
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Thu May 3 16:09:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gu93m/think_ive_just_had_an_epiphany_about_progressing/
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The most successfully I've ever restricted was when I didn't have a scale and I was hardly counting calories. I was able to go a good three months and go from 112 to under 90 and though out that time I wasn't frustrated by lack of progress or how much time it was taking. I just knew I'd get there, I just kept on going.
I don't know how I completely forgot this. My approach *every single time* since, trying to lose what I've gained back, has been the opposite, counting meticulously, weight every day and I just keep fucking up. It's so frustrating.
I think I'm going to try and stop counting, planning do meticulously because it's just not realistic and I always end up self sabotagarging. Hell, even body checking when I'm restricting triggers me to binge.
Has any one else noticed this? I'm going to switch up my approach. I've deleted all my calorie apps and the next I'll weigh myself will be the 4th of June. Keep you posted!
[Discussion] DAE get annoyed when someone leaves their unfinished food out?
/u/nycthrowaway51
Created: Thu May 3 16:06:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gu8d4/dae_get_annoyed_when_someone_leaves_their/
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Whenever someone in my family doesn't finish their snack or meal and leaves it out, it frustrates me a little because I feel tempted to finish it for them every time I walk by it. I know that it's petty and dumb and partially my fault for my lack of self control, but...it still annoys me.
How long does your bloating last?
/u/redtopiary
Created: Thu May 3 15:29:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gtycf/how_long_does_your_bloating_last/
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I went up three pounds in like a day. I don't get it. I've gone down like a pound but its been three days and I'm still not back to my original weight. I went on a short trip and drank/had a few excess calories but not enough to gain three pounds! Do salty foods or alcohol make you bloat for a few days?
Also...how does the water weight distribute around your body? Does it only happen in your belly area? I feel like my legs get bigger when I'm bloated. This sucks :/
Will I be okay? Took small amount of laxative during a fast.
/u/lights-in-the-sky
Created: Thu May 3 15:09:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gtt8a/will_i_be_okay_took_small_amount_of_laxative/
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Sorry I know this is a dumb question and I should have asked it before I took it.
I binged over the weekend and never really got rid of the.. er. Food waste. I've been bloated for the past few days, and though I *should* be under 130 pounds by now (this is my 4th day of not eating), my scale said like 132 this morning?? I was desperate to get rid of that food/water weight so I took some generic Rite Aid brand laxative (same ingredients as Miralax). It was just a little under one serving, dissolved in warm water.
So far I don't feel any different, but I'm having a bit of a panic attack haha. Will I be okay? Do I have to break my fast or what? I might delete this later if it turns out I'm overreacting. I've never taken laxatives before so I have no idea what it's like, much less what it's like with an empty stomach.
Should I say something?!? Picking up on other people’s ED.
/u/Pettyinblack
Created: Thu May 3 14:56:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gtppt/should_i_say_something_picking_up_on_other/
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Ok, I have struggled with my weight and eating for a long time. Disordered eating, super low calorie (400-800 calories a day) ‘diets’, purging with laxatives and exercise....you know the story. I never got to a low enough weight for a diagnosis, I went from obese to a “healthy” weight, so while I know I struggled with disordered eating, I don’t think I would qualify as suffering with an eating disorder. I’ve (mostly) recovered. I still struggle with the thoughts and find myself drifting back to the comfort of restriction when times are tough but for the most part I’m stable.
Here is the thing. My good friends (we can call him Tim) has a fiancé (Laura )and she is struggling with bulimia. If you know what bulimia looks like, its SUPER obvious. Her face, her teeth, her attitude towards food, her comments about weight and food.
A few days ago we were all out to eat and Tim messed up Laura’s food order. Laura got so emotional and angry (I know the feeling). The second she finished her food she ran to the bathroom.
At this point I don’t know what to do, I told Tim a long time ago that I picked up on the fact she has an eating disorder and he just shrugged it off.
It is in my nature to help people (I’m in the mental health field) and it’s gotten to the point that I am SO uncomfortable. I feel kinda triggered but I am seeing a good therapist and I don’t think I’m in danger of relapse. I fluctuate between wanting to help/talk to her about it and never wanting to see her again.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for with this post, maybe advise, maybe people who can relate, maybe support. I really want to help, but can I? Should I?
I just know how lonely this place is....
[Discussion] Anyone else experience physical anxiety/tight chest/racing heart when restricting?
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Thu May 3 14:44:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gtmbg/anyone_else_experience_physical_anxietytight/
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I have panic disorder, but I was down to maybe one every month or two. Now they're almost daily. I'm at work and my chest is just.....tight. It's like I have to stop and take a deep breath just to release the tension for a minute and the it goes right back to the tightness. It alternates between that, and racing.
I'm not even restricting that heavily - ~800 calories/day. I fast from 10:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m then eat all those calories in that 7 hour window. I had some yogurt and berries, and water with salt added, and couldn't stand not being able to breathe so I just ate a protein bar and now I'm upset because I WAS sitting at just 200 cals for work (leaving me 600 for when I get home and inevitably want to eat EVERYTHING) but now I'll be at 450 for the day by the time I get home and I feel like I failed. But I'm wondering if there's something I'm lacking that's causing these attacks. If it's even panic or if it's an actual symptom of my ED. Realized I hadn't had any protein today so figured the bar would help but idk what I'm doing? Sorry if this makes no sense. Any comments welcomed. You're all lovely when I'm freaking <3
[Rant/Rave] My body is worse than I thought...
/u/icedanoretic
Created: Thu May 3 14:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gtidg/my_body_is_worse_than_i_thought/
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I got my body fat measured today. It’s 25.3%, and since i’m 127lbs it means i’m carrying 32lbs of pure fat. I knew it was bad deep down but my only comfort was that my bmi was “normal “. I feel so god awful and ashamed I let myself get this bad. I’m cutting out all food other than fruits and vegetables until i lose 32 pounds. Sorry if there’s no point in this post i just needed to share my horror with someone that would get it and not just say “no you’re FINE”.
[Help] How much weight can you gain in a week?
/u/shharkie
Created: Thu May 3 14:12:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gtdn4/how_much_weight_can_you_gain_in_a_week/
---
So I’ve had a terrible week. It started off as a ‘cheat week’, where I’d catch up on nutrients I was missing (I’ve been really scared of osteoporosis), but it seems to have taken a very bad turn. I can SEE an inch of fat on my thighs, my gap has almost closed, I just look so puffy right now. I have no idea how much is water weight and how much is actual fat- help?!
(Probs have been eating 1-2k over my TDEE? It’s been BAD, it started Saturday night at probably 700 over my TDEE and I’ve lost all control ;-;)
A slice of pizza sits in front of me...
/u/feelinupfatty
Created: Thu May 3 13:36:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gt3ty/a_slice_of_pizza_sits_in_front_of_me/
---
I'm at the office and a very sweet well meaning individual brings me a bready, oily slice of pizza. It smells so good. I'm tempted. I've been very successful at restricting the last few days, but I've reached a plateau. This usually when I give in. But not this time! I'm determined. I feel so clever. When no one is looking. I wrap up the pizza in tissue and shove it in an envelope in my purse. I feel good about not giving in and for being clever, but ultimately I know it means I might have a problem. I'm okay with that.
DAE love when their takeout order get fucked up?
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Thu May 3 13:31:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gt2h4/dae_love_when_their_takeout_order_get_fucked_up/
---
Nah seriously because now I can throw it out without causing suspicion
Purged at work
/u/kladarling
Created: Thu May 3 13:28:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gt1n5/purged_at_work/
---
My office had a sort of a Pizza Party today; I would usually be okay and completely be in control and be able to turn down any free food from work, but today my stomach got the best of me. I ended up eating 1 full slice, half of the bread on a 2nd piece and just the toppings on the 2nd and 3rd slice. At first I felt fine, I initially decided to give myself a break today and just eat really low cal for dinner, but then anxiety took over my whole body the second I felt full. I couldn't handle it and I ended up purging it all in the office bathroom. I feel so sickened and depressed, it's so hard to act like nothing happened and pretend I didn't just make myself throw up. Why can't I just be a normal fucking person and eat and not feel like I'm going to gain 15 lbs from a couple slices of pizza.
forgotten how to lose weight without ECY stack...
/u/Egleriel
Created: Thu May 3 13:10:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gswta/forgotten_how_to_lose_weight_without_ecy_stack/
---
I cannot properly resrict without an ECY stack... i remember a few years ago being able to eat less than 1000 without anything. But now? Forgetaboutit
I really want to quit taking the stack. They increase my heart rate, make me dizzy, give me high blood pressure and make me ridiculously nauseated... But I cant stop because I dont want to binge eat which is what happened last time I quit and I gained 40+ lbs
Does anyone have any advice about this? I'm legit about to throw up my lunch because of the stack...
Dips for cucumber or carrot?
/u/corgis7048
Created: Thu May 3 12:31:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gsm5r/dips_for_cucumber_or_carrot/
---
I love cucumber and carrot, right. But, I also used to have hummus and salad cream with it. Is there any other low cal sauces I can enjoy with it or that I can make?
Thanks guys!
Effect of coffee/caffeine?
/u/cortizonegnome
Created: Thu May 3 12:16:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gshyd/effect_of_coffeecaffeine/
---
Do any of you guys notice that caffeine completely kills your appetite? This is going to make me sound really childish but I didn't start drinking coffee until this month and I'll drink max like twice a week. I've noticed a trend that when I drink coffee I end up not wanting to eat anything all day. Normally when I stay up I get peckish but when I've had a cup of coffee in the morning I have no interest in eating all day. No really purpose to this post just an observation. I may start actually drinking coffee now lol. I didn't before because I was worried about caffeine addiction and its effects but given the myriad of other substances I put into my body I should probably stop acting so high n mighty.
What meal really made you realize how messed up you are?
/u/crescendols
Created: Thu May 3 12:03:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gsefr/what_meal_really_made_you_realize_how_messed_up/
---
Just curious and I need someone to wallow with because I just had a packet of mustard for lunch :(
Lentil Recipes
/u/bearantennae8611
Created: Thu May 3 12:02:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gsdzn/lentil_recipes/
---
Ok, guys, I’ve been really in the mood for lentils lately, but I don’t know many recipes or ways to cook them, aside from soup (mainly canned). I love eating them when I can. Does anyone have any favorite recipes they make with lentils and a calorie break down for them? I’m up for anything—soups, stews, salads, etc.
[Other] Severe stomach pain when restricting?
/u/vhshood98
Created: Thu May 3 11:56:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gsc9p/severe_stomach_pain_when_restricting/
---
It's not hunger pangs. It is legitimate "I am going to die" pains.
I can't even go 8 hours without eating. I'm such a pig.
[Rant/Rave] So many reasons
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Thu May 3 11:51:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gsaw3/so_many_reasons/
---
I have so many reasons to recover, yet I don't want to. I want to work in the mental health field, yet I'm still sick myself. What's wrong with me?
[Other] how your ed makes you feel..
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Thu May 3 11:50:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gsary/how_your_ed_makes_you_feel/
---
https://i.redd.it/0xnm2mz5iov01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Literally 10 pounds and 2 pant sizes of water weight in 7 days? How is this allowed?
/u/cocacolonization
Created: Thu May 3 11:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gsaqq/literally_10_pounds_and_2_pant_sizes_of_water/
---
I’ve eaten at TDEE for the last few weeks. I’ve avoided salt and excess carbs. I’ve had more caffeine than any one person should consume. I’ve avoided excess fluids, gone hard on diuretics. All I do is pee, every 15 damn minutes. So how the *fuck* have I gained 10 pounds in a week?! Where is all this fucking water coming from?
Truly God has forsaken me.
[Tip] Cheap(we) Starbucks Today!
/u/wannabegrapefruit
Created: Thu May 3 11:24:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gs3dp/cheapwe_starbucks_today/
---
So, today at Starbucks grande and venti Frappiccinos will be [half-off](https://happyhour.starbucks.com) after 3:00pm!
Order a [light version ](https://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/frappuccino-blended-beverages/coffee-frappuccino-light-blended-beverage) of your favorite beverage to treat yourself without ruining your whole week.
[Rant/Rave] How do you feel when you see an obese person?
/u/ayybih
Created: Thu May 3 10:57:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8grvy6/how_do_you_feel_when_you_see_an_obese_person/
---
I feel disgusted and then immediately just wanna cry. It’s so perplexing. Like I feel disgusted by them but then I feel so bad for feeling that way, and then I also just feel so sad for them because I’ve seen loved ones be called fat and how upset it made them and I’ve been called fat. And if I were called fat it would fucking ruin my week. It just makes me so upset. I’m a server and last night two young men came in and they both got sandwiches but then the bigger guy got another sandwich after his meal and his friend was joking about how he might have a heart attack on the way home and I just felt soooo uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable because I could hear the bigger mans struggles breathing while he ate the sandwich ridiculously fast. And the fact that he ordered more food to eat after their meal just made me feel so weird. I would be so terrified to order a second entree while eating with a friend. I could never do it. And I was judging him for it but I felt so bad for judging him. Ugh. Anyone relate?
[Help] plateau
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Thu May 3 10:51:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gru50/plateau/
---
You ever just hit a plateau and you’re fasting and you’re not eating much and you’re exercising but the weight just will not come off and you’re frustrated and nothing you do will seem to help and you just need that extra 5 pounds and so you cry
[Discussion] Not feeling like complete shit...?
/u/elvirahancock69
Created: Thu May 3 10:42:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8grrot/not_feeling_like_complete_shit/
---
I recently relapsed after being recovered 2 years. I remember before feeling tired, achey, dizzy, shaky, etc during restriction and weight loss.
I've been eating 400 cal a day for almost 3 weeks now \(11 pounds lost!\) and i feel FINE. I can't remember when I started feeling shitty last time, but this makes me feel like I'm not restricting heavily enough and I am resisting the urge to fast completely. Fasting is a slippery slope for me because I will just not eat for days and then faint\-\-**I am trying to avoid fainting/family attention/forced therapy this time around.**
Does anyone else feel fine while restricting under 500? Has it just not been long enough?? share your experiences with me please :\)
[Rant/Rave] looking small ??
/u/cooldad2006
Created: Thu May 3 10:25:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8grn74/looking_small/
---
This morning I got a message from one if my teammates- she asked if I wanted some sports bras- size XS. I nearly cried. I know they won't fit but I'm taking them anyway because this person really sees me as small enough to fit them. hopefully one day i will actually be as thin as she thinks I am ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[Discussion] How do you deal with just feeling physically terrible while restricting?
/u/morganella732
Created: Thu May 3 10:24:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8grmx8/how_do_you_deal_with_just_feeling_physically/
---
When I restrict, I feel weak and have a fast heart rate when standing which gets so bad when I exercise that I have to stop. What can I do to combat this (besides eating more)?
What are everyone's favourite teas?
/u/Arakance
Created: Thu May 3 09:53:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8grec4/what_are_everyones_favourite_teas/
---
Am looking for more fun tea flavours to keep me full! I drink mostly loose leaf herbal teas. Jasmine pearls, Japanese sencha, and rose bud tea are my current favourites.
Also, I'm ~~low key~~ high key mad at David's Tea for having these delicious smelling teas that taste like nothing at all.
[Rant/Rave] So my SO found my thinspo on tumblr and proceeded to yell at me for half an hour while I cried
/u/lacroicsz5
Created: Thu May 3 09:50:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8grdkl/so_my_so_found_my_thinspo_on_tumblr_and_proceeded/
---
It happened a few days ago and it’s since been resolved (they have an issue with how to approach people who are struggling and come at it really aggressively like YOURE FUCKED UP AND NEED TO GO TO THERAPY IM NOT HAVING THIS sometimes). Like they’re SUPER kind and understanding and loving most of the time but then like other times they totally flip the fuck out and they did on me a few days ago. They went on my phone to check something and I left my thinspo tumblr open like an idiot and they just shoved the phone in my face and demanded an explanation (they know I’ve struggled with an ED for YEEEEEEARS) and basically acted like they just found fucking meth in my bag or something.
Anyway I kept trying to tell them to stop and think about what they’re saying (my ED is ruining our relationship, this is too much for them to handle, this has to stop I just need to eat healthy, I need to stop focusing on my weight and focus on recovery, I ate pizza the day before [and sobbed about it] so that means I’m all better, I’m making excuses and “giving in” to my ED instead of fighting it, I’m being selfish, I’m purposefully making myself sicker, just a whole bunch of fucked up shit I’d expect from my parents but not from my partner of 2 years) but they just kept screaming over me and telling me to be quiet and literally just being completely fucking crazy. To the point where I got obviously really upset and said they don’t fucking understand or know me because I fucking thought they understood when I came out vulnerably to them the few days before about my ED feelings and past abuse that causes it that they heard me and understood but then a day later they’re screaming at me about how I’m selfish and lazy for not being able to drink a 300 calorie Starbucks drink. As if I didn’t literally fucking tell them from the bottom of my heart what I’m struggling with and they told me they understood because their sister had an ED. And then when I said they didn’t understand they yelled at me for saying that because it’s “insulting” and they’ve struggled with body image before. FUCK YOU ITS NOT THE SAME YOU DONT LIVE IN THIS HELL IM NOT INSULTING YOU IM STATING A FUCKING FACT OH MY GOD
And we ended up eventually talking it out and they apologized but I can still tell they don’t understand and it’s eating me up inside because them being understanding and patient with my body and eating issues has literally been the top thing that makes me feel loved and safe and happy in this relationship and now I feel like it was all a lie. I feel so fucking horrible and guilty and I can’t stop like after all of that I still can’t fucking stop thinking about the calories and being so aware of all my fat and hating myself and wanting to exercise and purge after I eat like t doesn’t go away just bc you fucking yell at me I feel like I was stabbed in the back by the person I love more than anything
And now I feel so distant and horrible because the day after we went for tea at the place they work and they suggested a drink and I asked if it has sugar in it and they said no we don’t put any in it and then I ordered it but as soon as I ordered it I saw it on the menu and it had like 200 calories so I asked if they could not sweeten it and the girl said “it’s pre sweetened” WHAT THE FUCK. WHATFNLABFKSJFK LIKE ITS SUCH A FUCKING DISRESPECT I ACNNOT BELIEVE THAT FUCKING HAPPENED LIKE “we don’t put sugar in it” yeah but it’s PRE SWEETENED. YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ASKING. And then I couldn’t drink it and THEY got all teary eyed and upset and were like “ugh let’s just go home ur obviously upset” like what the FUCK can I please get a break this is literally killing me inside I’m barely even a person anymore and you were the only person I felt a home in at all the only thing that made any of this worth it and now I literally feel so fucking stupid and betrayed. Stop guilt tripping me stop yelling at me I fucking know it’s wrong I fucking know it’s fucked up I fucking know it’s unhealthy ITS A DISORDER. SOMETHING IVE HAD SINCE I WAS 13 OR 14. YEARS. YEARS I FUCKING TOLD YOU ABOUT AND YOU ACTED LIKE YOU CARED.
period weight
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Thu May 3 09:46:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8grck8/period_weight/
---
when do you gain period weight and around how much?
i gain 3-5lbs a few days before and lose it around day 5.
hoping this post might ease some anxiety.
[Discussion] DAE find it easier to restrict when you're not counting calories?
/u/shelifts45
Created: Thu May 3 09:41:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8grb5q/dae_find_it_easier_to_restrict_when_youre_not/
---
By not counting I mean not tracking on an app. I still mentally keep track and "ballpark" how much I've eaten. I find when I do count on MFP, it makes me fixate on food and prone to binging. I still eat low calorie foods/read labels/measure etc, but I feel so much less anxiety around food!
[Help] ec stack + weed?
/u/Jessnm
Created: Thu May 3 09:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gr5la/ec_stack_weed/
---
anybody have any experience smoking while stacking? tbh i have an edible but i’m super scared of the munchies. will my ec stack still act as an appetite suppressant?? or is it bad bc downers/stims together...
[Discussion] Does anyone else go to grocery stores just to look?
/u/saptashati
Created: Thu May 3 09:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gr1fy/does_anyone_else_go_to_grocery_stores_just_to_look/
---
One of my things I like to do when I’m deep in my ED is just like walk around Trader Joe’s and whole food just to look at the available options and maybe find a new safe food. Trader Joe’s is nice because they have a tiny sample so if I really can’t take it I just eat a little sample. Same with ma food courts
I also used to do this with bakeries but there are always people behind the counter asking you if you need help and then I feel bad for not buying anything and I feel really exposed by the person
Ode to the Asian Market
/u/handzies
Created: Thu May 3 09:04:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gr1em/ode_to_the_asian_market/
---
Dear Asian market,
You aren't here to judge me, your cashiers arent here to try to small talk about my grocery choices, you just want to humbly sell me what I need. You are never corowded with people I know and your prices are modest as a virgin.
You took my gently into your arms and said " have some fucking shirmp chips" 300 calories for a whole bag? C o u n t m e i n. Take me.
You looked into my future and said " you will find a 5 pound dragon fruit for a dollar" then the dragon God dropped that egg on me. Along with every exotic-fun fruit and vegtable I could every want in a safe food paradise.
50000 varieties of yam noodles. You said, "this anorexic hoe deserves to still eat noodles and not worry about calories"
You provided me with a safe haven where I could eat 6 dumplings for 230 calories. Thats a MEAL. I'm shook.
You took my bland life and fucking SPICED IT with all this variety and flavor. I'm falling on my knees at your splendor, and entire isle of tea. The Majesty I see in you, I hope you see it too.
Never change,
You are one of the only thing keeping me remotely fed,
Yours truly,
Some quaking food confused hoe
Any queer/trans ED people that could talk would be nice
/u/slip_n_slice
Created: Thu May 3 08:36:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gqty1/any_queertrans_ed_people_that_could_talk_would_be/
---
Im pretty queer punky person and part of my ED has always been getting small enough to look pretty in pretty punk clothes.
Maybe i need some encouragement to go through some growth or maybe i just need someone to share some weighr off my shoulders with. Any queerfolk around willing to talk some heavy stuff?
Maintenance?
/u/beemolovesyou
Created: Thu May 3 08:23:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gqqn3/maintenance/
---
Hi friends!
Thanks for being here. So I am 5’2”, a preschool teacher, and weigh 95 lbs. I’ve been trying to eat 1400 calories per day and I am still losing! This makes me feel uncomfortable. Aside from working with kids, I am very sedentary. My question is, am I really underestimating my TDEE? do you guys know of any particularly accurate TDEE calculators? am i not as sedentary as i think due to my job?
The catch here is that I am also a recovering alcoholic and restricting to around 1200 has turned into a “coping” mechanism. I do like to eat and don’t have binge desires unless I have been heavily restricting, and when I keep it down to 1200 i get this weird sense of being “safe”. There is no room for alcohol calories. I am also scared of getting heavier because I am afraid that feeling so uncomfortable in my body again will trigger an alcohol relapse. Thanks for listening to this half question/half rant. I am very active in my alcoholism recovery and trying my best to practice mindfulness and teach myself how to eat appropriately. But the scary feelings around eating and not being in control are real. It sucks to have gotten clean and “woken up” with an eating disorder as a replacement mechanism, but here I am.
Any straight guys here?
/u/antelsa
Created: Thu May 3 08:19:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gqplk/any_straight_guys_here/
---
I was just wondering if there were any straight guys here...it seems like the population here is heavily female with a fair amount of trans/gay/lesbian people too.
If you're a straight guy, what do you think caused your ED? Did you feel like fewer people suspected it? For those of you who've seeked treatment, do you feel more judged or out of place?
\(I am a girl, just curious\)
Distance tracking apps recommendations?
/u/xxnevi
Created: Thu May 3 08:10:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gqn7v/distance_tracking_apps_recommendations/
---
Does anyone have a good recommendation for a gps-based (I don't have a pedometer) distance tracking app for Android?
Basically, I walk around my neighborhood. When I get home, I track my route through google maps to figure out the distance I walked. It's kind of a pain in the ass, plus I'm not sure how accurate google maps is on that.
But pretty much looking for an app that can track me while I'm out and about.
Bonus points if it calculates distance + mph.
Morning nausea?
/u/variousnecessities7
Created: Thu May 3 08:07:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gqmme/morning_nausea/
---
Recently when restricting, I’ve experienced intense morning nausea that has occasionally caused me to retch and heave (nothing in my stomach that early to actually vomit).
I think it’s due to taking CBD oil and supplements on an empty stomach, and generally having a weak body from restricting.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice to combat this?
I’m not pregnant.
Thank you!
[Discussion] Calories in flamin hot Cheetos seasoning?
/u/jaclynct
Created: Thu May 3 07:07:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gq85i/calories_in_flamin_hot_cheetos_seasoning/
---
How many calories would you guess are in just the seasoning of flamin hot cheetos? I have a bag of them that I want to eat so badly because I love them but I can’t handle the amount of calories. I want to know if you guys think the calories will be a lot less if I just lick the seasoning off of them and throw the actual cheeto away?
[Discussion] DAE internally freak out whenever their weight stays the same for one day?
/u/shorsbones
Created: Thu May 3 07:07:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gq83n/dae_internally_freak_out_whenever_their_weight/
---
Every day that I gain weight or maintain my weight from the previous day I get so scared that I’ve hit a plateau and heavily, heavily restrict for the next few days. I’m guessing lots of other people in this boat as well?
feeling disabled
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Thu May 3 06:54:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gq55p/feeling_disabled/
---
recently i've been feeling like complete shit. idk if its because im starting to become pretty underweight or what, but i haven't even been restricting that low (~1000-1200cals). im always cold, i take 3+ showers a day just to warm up. i used to love running but now i can't even run for more than a minute. my muscles are always sore. it takes 250% effort just to lift my arm. i wake up like 10 times a night. my heart is either racing or around 40 bpm. i feel nauseous often and my digestion is screwed (tmi - ive been having such bad diarrhea). im turning into this asocial irritable bitch. ugh :/
[Rant/Rave] Legitimately unable to restrict, but I know it is all I need to do.
/u/vhshood98
Created: Thu May 3 06:32:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gq0az/legitimately_unable_to_restrict_but_i_know_it_is/
---
Ok, so, backtracking to 2016, I was restricting very easily. I was eating about 600-900 calories a day, and lost about 12 pounds in a month. It was the best I've ever felt.
I gained back about 5 of that in the past two months because I have been binging a lot, and am unable to restrict as easily as I used to for NO REASON.
Please. Anyone. I need to get back down to 200-600 calories a day instead of just binging every single day. I hate myself and I know it won't get any better if I don't.
The thing is, I am in high school. So, classes are consistent the entire day and I am FORCED to take a lunch break and be around hundreds of people chewing away, and I was always break under temptation and get the fatty slop that the school has.
And at night, I am surrounded by food because my room is right next to the kitchen.
I know if I could just get down to at least 400-600 a day, then I would lose quickly. But it is so HARD.
Someone please give me some tips. I really need it.
[Rant/Rave] ‘just eat more’
/u/mostlyoff
Created: Thu May 3 06:18:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gpxi6/just_eat_more/
---
so i decided to open up to a couple of my friends about what i’ve been going through and my struggles with eating, etc. i wasn’t really sure what to expect because obviously everyone reacts differently but they’ve been super nice and understanding to other people with mental illnesses in the past so i wasn’t expecting anything too extreme. oh boy.
maybe it’s just me being overly sensitive or whatever, but wow. i immediately got the ‘why don’t you just eat more?’ ‘it’s a choice’ ‘stop defending yourself’ ‘not eating makes you fatter in the long run’ speech. they’re lovely people and great to talk to but honestly this just feels like a massive setback :(
[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support May 03, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 3 06:11:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gpvyh/weekly_emotional_support_may_03_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 03, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu May 3 06:10:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gpvq2/daily_food_diary_may_03_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 03, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
4K cals???
/u/thinning_bones
Created: Thu May 3 05:51:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gprvr/4k_cals/
---
I ate 4 THOUSAND CALORIES yesterday...I couldn’t stop myself...I’ve been eating horribly so much this past week and I gained back everything I lost and then some extra 😔 I was at 119 now I’m at 134 that the fuck is wrong with me
[Tip] Rice Cakes
/u/fortunate-foolx
Created: Thu May 3 05:47:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gpr4m/rice_cakes/
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So, i haven’t seen ANYTHING about apple butter on here, but honestly, it’s so tasty and it’s relatively low cal. (you do not need a lot)
IT IS SO GOOD ON RICE CAKES. If you can find apple butter, try it. it’s amazing.
Broke another plateau
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Thu May 3 05:22:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gpm7g/broke_another_plateau/
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And all it took was for me to move house, empty the old house, start a new job, have a cold (possibly coming down with another one) and almost having a mental breakdown with rolling headaches 👍🏾
[Discussion] DAE chew/spit insane quantities of food?
/u/dikeid
Created: Thu May 3 03:57:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gp7kv/dae_chewspit_insane_quantities_of_food/
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I've been really, really trying to stop purging because it's fucking up my teeth and my throat is always sore.
Tonight I bought two grocery bags of cakes and cookies and chocolates and I'm sitting in the park (its night time here) c/s it all.
It's not nearly as satisfying as b/p BUT it doesn't leave me with that horrible feeling of failure or disgust. But it's just as addictive as b/p and I don't know how bad this will/can get.
I'm struggling to eat/keep down any food at all, and everything I chew I automatically start to spit it out.
I know it's not 'normal' behaviour but does anyone else do this?
I think the worst part of all this is that it's so alienating. I can't talk to anyone about any of it.
Stress - Symptoms & Management
/u/ashutoshpandit102
Created: Thu May 3 03:57:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gp7ki/stress_symptoms_management/
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https://www.healnt.com/blog/post/2018/04/27/stress-symptoms-and-management
[Rant/Rave] GUYS!!! MY BOYFRIEND SOLVED ED!
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo
Created: Thu May 3 03:24:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gp2kw/guys_my_boyfriend_solved_ed/
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I was browsing ProEdMemes and passed a funny one about chew/spit. He asked why someone would do that and because he's a memelord I pointed to my temple and said "Don't have to get rid of calories your don't eat".
His response "Why not just eat healthy?"
I explain it's not that simple, that you can force behavior changes but not get rid of the urges or feelings, which will eventually cause a relapse.
"Isn't that what therapy does though? So do that. Just do what you need to do and you'll be cured"
-----says the man who chugs soda and coffee like no tomorrow, eats **unhealthy** snacks instead of meals maybe once or twice a day, leaves leftovers of said snacks that he never finished, and at 6'0/120lbs, has a thinspo body.
There you go, y'all! He fucking solved everything.
TL;DR- My beautiful, smart, sweet, wonderful, boyfriend is ~~an oblivious, insensitive, hypocritical idiot~~ ignorant at about eating disorders, while looking and living like he has one.
😤I'd strangle him but his neck is too thin and my hands are too fat.
#IfIStayAngryAtHimICanStallTheSelfloathing
[Rant/Rave] i'm a guy who's had an ED since I was 12
/u/ivyse
Created: Thu May 3 03:18:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gp1rg/im_a_guy_whos_had_an_ed_since_i_was_12/
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Today I was thinking about my ED, and what made it happen. It's weird- I've only met one other guy in ED treatment, and he had over-exercising type anorexia. I'm currently 18, and I've had anorexia on and off since I was 12. I was always a naturally skinny kid with a low appetite, but I still restricted. It was almost like that was the one thing I was good at- although I'd get bullied by other boys for being "wimpy" or whatever they said back then. I feel like I should put a disclaimer that I'm gay, so the next part makes sense. I'd get attention from the girls because they envied my control over food. High School came, and I felt superior. I saw friends struggling to not binge and I felt powerful, because at that point food disgusted me. Even the smell was horrendous. I really was a mean person- I'd encourage people to break their diets because i was the /best/ at control and I didn't want to feel threatened.
Throughout all this, I went on and off to the gym but never got addicted. Boys in high school weren't like me- they were all trying to be buff, manly, and badass. But I didn't concentrate on them. I concentrated on food, weight, and more food.
I guess my real question to myself is: what encouraged me to start fasting? I didn't feel the pressure to be skinny like a lot of young girls do, but it gave me a relief and a purpose. I felt more confident when I didn't eat, I felt superior when I didn't eat. The urge to be skinny consumed me but I still don't know why. *sigh*
[Rant/Rave] dae feel their scale is lying?
/u/mostlyoff
Created: Thu May 3 03:07:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gozxz/dae_feel_their_scale_is_lying/
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so i finally got myself a new scale yesterday because my mum keeps hiding the family one and i hated having to wait until i go to someone else’s house to weigh myself. i got super excited when it arrived, but had a mini breakdown after weighing myself because i’m 99% sure it’s lying to me. i *have* to weigh more than that, right? i don’t even think i look underweight, yet apparently i am. so it’s either the scale is lying or my eyes are.
real eyes realise real size? am i going mad? idk anymore
Cat just broke my heart.
/u/OscaraWilde
Created: Thu May 3 02:16:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gosno/cat_just_broke_my_heart/
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I got a cat about three months ago and especially lately have felt like we've been hardcore bonding as I've stayed up late into the evening working on a looming deadline. I've been drinking a lot of coffee during this and so have been peeing a lot. Maybe like some of you, I'm super compulsive about weighing myself. My scale's right in the bathroom, and so pretty much any time I pee, I step onto it to check the extreeeemely important number of how much water weight I just lost.
Anyway, I've done this like a gazillion times tonight, and I think my cat has learned what's up and become weirded out by it. The last two times that I've been in the bathroom, she has RUN into the room as soon as she hears the toilet flush, thrown herself into a lying down position on the scale (so that I can't step on it), and looked me dead in the eye and held my gaze for at least 30s before I looked away.
The first time I honestly got chills and started to tear up a little. It sounds totally nuts to suggest that she senses that something weird is going on that I'm kind of unhappy about, but that is so honestly how it felt.
Anyway, I've seen some posts here about you guys feeling like beloved pets are upset by your weird behaviors, so just thought I'd share mine. <3
What is your current favorite food?
/u/StarburnerRav
Created: Thu May 3 01:44:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8goo0c/what_is_your_current_favorite_food/
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I don't know if I'm the only one, but I usually latch onto a low calorie food and eat basically nothing but that for like a month or two at a time. Then I'll get bored of it and find a new low calorie food and do nothing but that, rinse and repeat.
Currently it's lite cool whip.
Oh my god.
Light cool whip + a tiny bit of pb2 or even regular peanutbutter = an amazing dip for apples and celery
Light cool whip + maple syrup + a piece of 40 cal white bread = Mock french toast!
Light cool whip + sugar free jelly = another dip!
Light cool whip + cocoa = low calorie cake frosting
Light cool whip by the spoonful
Frozen Light cool whip
Light Cool whip + Frozen fruit = smoooooooothie
All. The. Whip.
[Help] How to avoid unhealthy foods?
/u/plaidpeonies
Created: Thu May 3 01:37:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gomx8/how_to_avoid_unhealthy_foods/
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I’m already restricting so I might as well try to eat food that is healthy for me, like lean protein, fruits, and vegetables. My biggest weaknesses right now are currently savory chips and sweet, baked goods.
I live with my family so I cannot avoid them being in my house. I’m also not trying to change their eating habits either.Does anyone have any meanspo or something that could help change my mindset about these? They’re also so high in unhealthy calories that I want to have the mental strength to avoid them for good 😩
[Rant/Rave] Falling asleep is so hard
/u/eighttorches
Created: Thu May 3 00:09:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8go8oa/falling_asleep_is_so_hard/
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Its currently 1:08 am and im hyperventilating because i ate 200 calories of pickles and animal crackers in hopes that i would finally be able to sleep, I love how glamorous this all is. I hope your night has been better. Does anyone have any good ideas on how to sleep while restricting?
[Rant/Rave] goddamn it
/u/shiraruru
Created: Thu May 3 00:07:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8go8es/goddamn_it/
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i just ate >500 calories of bread
its not my fault kaya's such a good filling :')
[Help] Any advice?
/u/nchlaz
Created: Wed May 2 23:58:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8go6yi/any_advice/
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I’ve been talking to this guy lately and most of his date ideas involve calories. Like a lot of them. Indian food, Mexican, Cuban, alcohol, you name it. I told him I haven’t really had any good food in my state despite living here for so long and he immediately came up with like 10 different restaurants we can go to for dates. His family is all like professional cooks so of course he knows great food that I’ll wanna eat. Any advice? Do I just make that date my omad? Ughh I just feel like once I get to a restaurant and there’s all that anxiety and emphasis on food, I’ll eat everything. And then keep eating until I’m finally alone and can think about all the damage I’ve done.
I’m usually pretty good with restriction and rarely binge but I think that’s because I don’t have to deal w situations like this a lot :/ but I can’t push him away either cuz I genuinely like him and I’m lonely as fuck lol
Where has all the Thinspo gone on this sub?
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Wed May 2 23:31:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8go27k/where_has_all_the_thinspo_gone_on_this_sub/
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To Fast or Not to Fast Food
/u/Suriality
Created: Wed May 2 23:26:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8go1b7/to_fast_or_not_to_fast_food/
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Step 1: Successfully book an international shoot.
Step 2: Feel horribly depressed about yourself during.
Step 3: Agonize over whether or not to soothe the pain by binging on room service.
Step 4: Hate yourself regardless of what you choose.
Drunchies are the absolute fucking worst.
[Help] Please. How do you combat weakness and shaky limbs during restriction?
/u/variousnecessities7
Created: Wed May 2 22:46:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gntp3/please_how_do_you_combat_weakness_and_shaky_limbs/
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I can't take it. The hunger I can deal with. But after the hunger fades comes the weakness, shakiness, dizziness.
I know people fast for longer than I restrict. So how do they do it? If I can't pull myself together at work sooner rather than later, I'm terribly fearful I'll fall even farther behind and be subject to scrutiny that could place my job in jeopardy.
Please help. Electrolyte drinks? Something? Something low or no\-calorie that will help. Please.
I’m not ashamed of my ED but I should probably stop being so public about it, it turns people off or makes them scared of me.
/u/NumbahFyve
Created: Wed May 2 22:30:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gnqrj/im_not_ashamed_of_my_ed_but_i_should_probably/
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Spicy foods and the double finger disco
/u/slip_n_slice
Created: Wed May 2 21:56:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gnk4q/spicy_foods_and_the_double_finger_disco/
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When ive eaten lately ive been using a lot of hot sauce cause its one of the few flavors i can taste and man...it does *not* feel great coming back up. Trying to use this as motivation to eat less abd avoid purging. Oof owie my throat.
This Is Why I Do the Thing I Do
/u/grrrlgang
Created: Wed May 2 21:56:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gnk3o/this_is_why_i_do_the_thing_i_do/
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The past two days I've had end of semester ceremonies that all served dinners that were buffet style. So instead of being normal and just enjoying myself and my peers and our accomplishments I instead panicked over the food in front of me. The past two days I've thrown up everything that I've eaten (which is really only just the food served at these events). I've literally sat down with a plate full of food and my immediate thought is I'm going to throw this up later. And I do, I eat, wait 5-10 minutes and then go purge it. Hell I almost missed my name being called for an award because I was too busy purging. I know its sad and I feel so mentally and emotionally sick and messed up but I can't help it sometimes. It feels like I don't actually get a say in how I consume food and instead the ED has the reigns.
But the sick sick thing about it is that any validation I get makes this all feel worth it. My friend's roommate saw me and the first thing she asked me is if I lost weight. Which of course I panicked and said no because I'm scared everyone just knows I purge my food. But comments like that make all of this worth it, and that's honestly terrifying to the part of me that knows this isn't healthy.
[Goal] Serious Motivation has me Panicking
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Wed May 2 21:54:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gnjmz/serious_motivation_has_me_panicking/
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So the next couple months I'm seeing a ton of people I haven't in a long time. College friends will be here at the end of May. June one of my high school friends will be in town for Comic-Con. And at the end of June a high school friend and crush will be here while touring with his band. And that last one is the biggest motivator for weight loss. I can totally make it to 150 by the end of May (I think). But fuck would I love to be 140 when the last guy gets here.
I started working out today but it just induced uterine cramps :/ it felt kinda nice but given the fact that my fat ass ordered pizza right before it doesn't feel as great. I just did some 30 minute pilates/HIIT cardio, but that only burned about 140 calories of the close to 1000-2000 I had today. I think I'll either do more of that or head to the gym before the night's over. I don't work until late tomorrow anyway, so sleep isn't as important.
So here's to 150 by May 30 and 140 by June 28th. Im starting at 168 because I fell into a binge cycle and ruined my previous 162. Pray for me lol
DAE who purges have difficulty swallowing?:(
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Wed May 2 21:48:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gnie1/dae_who_purges_have_difficulty_swallowing/
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I’m really scared. It’s hard to swallow. Sometimes I try and I can’t. I can swallow if I’m drinking or eating so I’m able to consume foods but like when I try to swallow without things in my mouth it takes a lot of focus and sometimes I can’t. I’m so scared I feel like if I fucked myself like this and life is gonna be uncomfortable like this forever then I should just kill myself.... I feel like suicide is my backup plan if the damage is irreversible. And I’m scared I’ll purge again cuz it’s like inevitable.
[Rant/Rave] Shout out to reading calories wrong :)
/u/brgr77
Created: Wed May 2 20:09:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gmxnv/shout_out_to_reading_calories_wrong/
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I’ve been eating these frozen enchiladas cause they’re one of the only vegetarian foods I can easily get and I thought it was like 240 for a box but it turns out they’re 240 an enchilada and there are 2 enchiladas in a box :) luckily I caught it today after eating most of one and adjusted but I’ve been eating like 240 extra calories every day I’ve eaten one of those and it’s SO FRUSTRATING. I was almost sick when I read the box while eating it today. So mad at myself. Looked back and I still would’ve stayed under 1200 for those days but it’s still jarring. How can I calm down cause right now I’m upset and raging
Frequent body twitching?
/u/indentionsofme
Created: Wed May 2 19:51:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gmthz/frequent_body_twitching/
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Like full on body twitch, almost like when falling asleep once in a while type twitch....it's been a recent thing as of a few weeks. It's very strange and out of place especially in public.
Just wondering if anyone has one through this as and ED symptom?
Freaking out about food scale
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Wed May 2 19:40:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gmqwu/freaking_out_about_food_scale/
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I weigh everything I eat. Like, everything. And I’ve done that for 9 months and successfully lost a crap ton of weight. But today out of curiosity I took one of those individual yogurt packs that are “100 grams and 35 cals” a pack and weighed the yogurt and my scale is saying it’s only 55 grams of yogurt....usually I buy the bigger tubs and just weigh out 100 grams but if my scale is suddenly wrong how do I know how many calories I’ve eaten today or any other day? I feel like I can’t breathe
Small Boobs and the Story Of How I Took Up Smoking
/u/ThisIsMyEDThrowaway
Created: Wed May 2 19:22:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gmmr2/small_boobs_and_the_story_of_how_i_took_up_smoking/
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My boyfriend has been getting *increasingly* insensitive lately. And when he drinks, he's downright fucking mean. Calling other women "perfect" but never used that word to describe me.
Well he has a friend, we shall call K, who is gorgeous. Downright gorgeous and sweet and all of the guys around us gawk and drool over her. (I've had to stop her boyfriend from punching people out before). On top of this, she's got a very nice figure and shows it off with low cut clothes and sometimes miniskirts or a pretty sun dress. If you got it, flaunt it.
But I've recently lost a lot of weight due to my ED and a lot of it was in my boobs. My boyfriend likes "thicc" girls (although all of the celebs he finds attractive are tiny) and I lost all my "thicc" I guess. And he's not afraid to comment on it. So he got drunk and tells K, right in front of me, that she has "big juicy delicious titties" and how he likes her boobs better than mine. And got sober and again... reiterated that her boobs are better. And when I told him that it hurt my feelings, he shrugged me off. He gets irritated when I communicate. He gets irritated when I don't. I can't fucking win with this guy.
So I don't normally smoke cigarettes but I've recently bought a pack of American Spirits and I've been smoking like a fucking chimney because I hate myself and I'm ready to die now.
TL;DR: Boyfriend told friend that he likes her boobs better than mine because mine are smaller and now I'm trying to get lung cancer by chainsmoking because I'm ready to die.
Also I'm very sorry if it's insensitive to say that. I'm just in a frenzy right now and I've been so sad and I never thought my self esteem could get any lower.
Birthday dinner angst
/u/kaplazzle
Created: Wed May 2 18:48:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gmf02/birthday_dinner_angst/
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Tomorrow is my birthday and Im freaking out. My SO is taking me to dinner so I’m worried that I’ll eat too much, but I have to work and take a final exam tomorrow so i don’t want to be too sluggish 😩
I’ve pre logged about 350cals so far...and that’s before dinner just in case
We’re going to a Japanese place so maybe I can get a veggie noodle dish or something? I know they’ll want me to have some cake 🙃 what do I dooo
I Am Such an Asshole
/u/cry1000x
Created: Wed May 2 18:46:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gmefp/i_am_such_an_asshole/
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I can’t stop comparing my body to this guy I’m seeing’s wife (DISCLAIMER THEY ARE IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP I WOULD NEVER PARTICIPATE IN CHEATING). Recently he came in town to see me and just said everything to satisfy my ED brain’s needs -
* “You’re so lean” when I was in a crop top and he was walking behind me,
* “Don’t take this the wrong way but you have a really nice back” (For the record I work really hard on my back so that was a huge compliment)
* “I can’t believe how small you are” With his hand on my back as we were lying in bed
Literally no guy has ever said such nice things about me. But can I just take a compliment? No! Naturally I stalk the fuck out of his wife’s social media seeing if she’s smaller than me/hotter than me. She’s definitely got better skin and better proportions and a prettier face, but I can see I’m objectively smaller and more muscular than her.
I definitely don’t have some grand scheme to break them up or anything. I’m insane but not that insane. But I just NEED to be better than her. I won’t be seeing him again for a few months but I want to be mindblowingly perfect by then. I want to be the sexiest, smallest, fittest thing he’s ever fucked and I want to be lingering in his mind when he’s with her.
WHYYYY am I such an insecure, competitive monster? She probably doesn’t give two fucks about the state of my body. I don’t think she’s even seen a picture of me. To conclude, I hate myself. But I’m still gonna grind to be better.
On that note, back to the gym for cardio. I'll probably look at her Instagram while I'm doing it...
[Tip] PSA on trusting calories from outside sources
/u/SinfulCinnamon
Created: Wed May 2 18:44:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gmdym/psa_on_trusting_calories_from_outside_sources/
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Hey everyone! Long time no post, but still lurking regularly. I get deep into YouTube videos sometimes as I'm sure we all do and I came across this video which is equal parts interesting and terrifying. I hope the link works, I've never posted a video before. Otherwise let me know and I'll repost.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HGunZpKLb5o
Tldw: there is no regulation on calorie counts listed from restaurants/stores, etc. so calories can be way higher than what is reported on packaging thus throwing off your count
I said "Well, I'm bulimic, so..." at the checkout. Disappointing, tell me your smartass at the checkout story.
/u/wolfjob_dayjob
Created: Wed May 2 18:43:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gmduj/i_said_well_im_bulimic_so_at_the_checkout/
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I'm pretty much an adult (and too large to have a 'real' eating disorder by looks) so I won't get in trouble saying things that might land someone with guardians in trouble if it ever got back to them. Even if my job found out I was sick I doubt there would be much they can do since I don't like...vomit at work and my depression (?) impacts my job more than my ED.
ANYWAY. I hate when people comment on food/store baskets. Thin, skinny, health food, junk food, lots of food, cigarettes and an apple. I just hate that crap. So today I was checking out at a convenience store and getting my safe and binge foods because there's a company event and I *HATE* feeling like a vulture eating free food and I figured if i let loose today it would be with food I know hasn't been sneezed on, landed on. Foods I know the content of and liked for sure. I'm checking out and i get my huge bag back and some random older gentleman to my side who looks like a nice grandpa type and might have been an off duty employee says 'Ahaha, you have **quite** the sweet tooth eh dontcha?' I lock up because jfc everybody is trying it today i swear the more i look like i want to die or cry on the spot the louder the world gets at me....He repeats it. I heard you the first time, my headphones are not on grrrr!
I turned to him and said 'well I'm bulimic, so..' Not sure if he heard me or misinterpreted me as anemic or whatever but....yeah he just said it back dumbly with the same smile. The cashier deffo didn't hear me and I got my bag and went back to my desk to have a pathetic microwave lunch and tons of diet soda. Last time someone commented on me buying 10 of the same chips and diet soda I did the same thing and I think people literally don't know how to react to that because they continue like they're on a script. Probably going to troll like that more often. What are you guys stories?
[Rant/Rave] Rant post feel free to ignore
/u/DrLisaFrankenstein
Created: Wed May 2 18:42:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gmdkc/rant_post_feel_free_to_ignore/
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I think I'm at a breaking point with my body. I've never considered myself as someone with disordered eating and I have never been diagnosed, but reading the posts here I really relate.
I graduate from grad school next week with a job and I should be excited, but I'm just dreading the pictures and feel like a failure because of my weight. I'm the highest weight I've ever been.
I'm 25 now and have been counting calories since about 8th grade. I was obsessive about it in high school and made it down to 90ish at my lowest (when I was like 5'1-5'1). I ballooned up to 125 during my senior year of high school. In college I guess I had a late growth spurt and am now 5'4". Towards the end of undergrad was the best I've ever felt about my body. I was between 105-112 and I worked out almost every day.
Now, I feel like a blob. I've ballooned to at least 125 (last I checked). I'm just so hungry all the time and it's super frustrating. I'm absolutely dreading graduation because of the stupid pictures and I hate how I look. I carry my weight in my face and pretty evenly all over my body so it's very obvious. My face looks bigger than people who weigh 20 lbs more than me.
I don't even know what to think of my body anymore. Am I normal? Overweight? I dislike it either way. BMI would say I'm normal, but my measurements say otherwise. I have a 28.5 inch waist which would put me as a medium. I don't even know what my body shape is anymore.
I just hate that I've let myself go and I hate that despite all I should be proud of right now that my weight is consuming my life. I have a lot of anxiety about moving a few states away, starting a new job, still have one exam to go, etc and I'm mad that this is even something I'm concerned about.
I'm sorry this is rambling but the past few days I've just been so sad about this. I feel like I let myself down and now I have to start a new job feeling like a bloated version of myself and I hate it. I hate that I have no clothes that fit. I hate that I have to have my picture taken. I hate being hungry all the time and I hate that I hate my body.
Overweight people: You are welcome here.
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Wed May 2 18:26:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gm9w3/overweight_people_you_are_welcome_here/
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I want to start this by saying I have used this sub for a while, through throwaways, lurking and then recently felt inclined to use my main account to make a post and delete it before anyone saw. I have recently decided to make a permanent secondary account nobody I know IRL knows about, to contribute more often.
One of the reasons I wasn't initially as inclined to do this, is because I am fat. I don't need to use another adjective other than fat. I'm not chubby, I'm not curvy or pudgy- I'm fat. I'm 245lbs. But guess what? I have an eating disorder. As an overweight 13-year-old, I decided to google 'Thinspo' and found some popular Tumblr pages and my life has been ED rigged since. I have gone back on forth from restricting heavily and losing 100lbs, to gaining it back from binging and now I start to recognise all the other things my ED has done to me. I cry when I have to buy groceries, I sneak all of my food to my room, I binge until I'm sick whereas other days I'll throw tantrums because I don't want to eat the food my boyfriend prepares for me when I'm restricting.
I always felt like a fake. I knew I had an ED, but thought that 100lb girls with anorexia would laugh at the idea I had one, but I've actually seen a really welcoming and respectful attitude in this sub and I know that we are welcome here. So to you overweight people, reading this and feeling ashamed and doubtful of the validity of your ED, feeling like you should lie about your weight online like I did to be accepted, to be involved- I want you to know that you are welcome here and you are valid. There's more of you out here than you think, you are never alone.
I remember
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Wed May 2 17:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gm26v/i_remember/
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I remember becoming underweight
I remember my hair falling out, being terrified, thinking, "isn't it too early for this?"
I remember my brain shutting down. I remember when I walked home in the wrong way for 20 minutes before realizing. I remember dropping out of school.
I remember wandering grocery stores for hours.
I remember looking in the mirror, sobbing, because being able to see my bones so easily disgusted me and enamoured me at the same time
I remember layering clothes upon clothes upon clothes trying to hide the weight loss from my mother, I remember the heartbreak on her face when she saw it anyway
I remember my body rejecting food when I tried to eat a normal meal, I remember the shaking, the dizziness
At least I know what to expect this time around
I think I need to get 'better'... What treatment options are there and what is treatment like?
/u/catstille
Created: Wed May 2 17:01:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8glps6/i_think_i_need_to_get_better_what_treatment/
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Hi everyone,
My weight loss is really starting to impact my life. I have no energy and it's hard to focus, and I'm really worried this will have an effect on my study at uni.
I just don't know how to stop. My psychiatrist is aware of what's going on and wants me to be checked out for various things (not sure what) by my GP, but I'm scared that if I get my weight and weight loss actually recorded by my GP that they would then be able to section or hospitalise me against my will. I'm not really sure how it all works.
But at the same time, I do want to be a bit healthier, I'm just unsure of how to even do that.
I hope this post makes sense. I guess I just want to know what my options are, and what treatments are actually like.
A question for really short people : What do you estimate your TDEE to be?
/u/Atsugaruru
Created: Wed May 2 16:41:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8glkx7/a_question_for_really_short_people_what_do_you/
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I'm 4"10, or around 150 cm. I'm an actual gremlin and it sucks. I think my TDEE is about 1400 and it fucking kills me. I've been maintaining my current weight eating anywhere around 1200-1400 a day every week, but it kills me to think that I won't lose weight eating at 1200. I used to be able to exercise a lot, and that helped me lose more and toned me a bit, but ever since I got mugged a few months back, I've been feeling super depressed and I don't have the energy to.
How many calories have you been able to eat and still lose weight? How many calories a day make you gain? How much has exercise do you do a week? It literally drives me crazy to think that I'd have to eat around 1000 a day to be able to lose weight at a steady rate, because I've been trying so hard to mend my relationship with food and pull myself out of this binge/restrict cycle.
[Discussion] im so scared of eating
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Wed May 2 16:36:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gljn5/im_so_scared_of_eating/
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i hate how bloated i get the next day
im always hungry but i know it’ll make me feel disgusting
i dont NEED to eat right now
i can feel my rolls telling me how gross i am
im scared to even drink water because i know i’ll gain
my next weigh in is monday and the thought of eating something before then is so scary
[Help] Can’t break below a certain weight?
/u/myrtlewils0n
Created: Wed May 2 16:36:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gljjo/cant_break_below_a_certain_weight/
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I have never been able to get beneath 118.6. That seems to be the bedrock of where I can hit on MFP and usually it’s only ever for a day or two before I end up right back bouncing between 120 and 122 depending on if I’m period bloating.
How do I break this? I’m seriously considering just liquid fasting until I comfortably smash through 118 because I’ve been stuck at being “only 10 pounds away from my ugw” for almost a month and a half now 😞
How're y'all's days going?
/u/emptywithyou
Created: Wed May 2 16:18:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8glf9r/howre_yalls_days_going/
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Long time lurker.
I'm sitting on the floor of my bedroom drinking sweet tea vodka and just sort of checking out.
Total meltdowns today. After days of fasting, I had a super shitty work day and went nuts on some PB&J, then almonds, then oatmeal. Yarfed like 4 times until I felt empty enough again.
You ever do that thing where you're so grossed out by yourself that you just want to GRAB the skin and fat and muscle or whatever's left at that point and just physically tear it from your skeleton? I've got little bruises and scratches all over my thighs and arms because of it.
Day in, day out, medication changes, lab tests. Have to weigh in in sets of threes. Three times, step on, step off, repeat.
This shit is making me tired, y'all.
So right now it's about my little oasis, right here, drinking. Maybe I'll draw something. Maybe I'll write something. Maybe I'll stretch or do another set of sit-ups. Maybe I'll just sit here, drink, and try to feel all the tiny little sparks of others out there feeling just like this. Tiny flares in the abyss.
Tell me about your day, darlings.
My Debut
/u/SongstressVII
Created: Wed May 2 16:01:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8glawi/my_debut/
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I feel like this is the best place for my story, rather condensed though it is. People have been telling me how much I inspire them with my transformation, but the process was less than so. Those people are perhaps not ready to hear what I have to say. I’ve been lurking here for a while and my eyes have been opened. Yes, I am a transplant from r/1200isplenty. The outreach has been at least marginally successful!
I began having trouble with my weight as a child. I became obese around age 7. I first remember recognizing ED behaviors in myself around age 12. I yo-yoed, but remained obese, until my ED truly took over my life two years ago.
After college, I sank into a deep depression. I binged my way to over 300 lbs. My cat went missing and I didn’t eat for two weeks because I didn’t deserve food if he couldn’t be safe. I didn’t deserve to take up the great amount of space that I occupied in the world. I lost 12 lbs and had an awakening. I could do it. I could lose weight. All it took was punishing myself.
I downloaded MFP. It fit perfectly with my existing OCD/need for order. I figured out it wouldn’t let me complete my diary under 1000 calories, so 1000 became my goal. I got a scale and weighed everything obsessively. I only ate in my car or anywhere I could be alone. I wouldn’t have anyone see me. After one year of eating this way, I had lost 70 lbs and hit a plateau.
Insanity is trying the same thing over and over expecting different results. So I decided to shake things up a bit. One day a week I went to 2000. I taught myself to exercise. This too, I must do alone. My eyes only. I bought a Gazelle. Zumba. I hated it. Cardio sucks, but the point is to punish myself so….another plateau hits. I barely have the energy for this anymore. Yoga it is.
I didn’t expect it to change my life. The meditations and affirmations from the yoga instructor YouTube made me want to be a better person. The best version of myself I could be. And that best version is skinny. From there, I found strength training videos on YouTube I liked. I got adjustable dumbbells. I changed my diet to mostly protein shakes after I found a calorically safe brand.
894 days logged on MFP later, I went from a flabby size 28 to a buffish (heavy on the loose skin) size 4. I was pretty pleased. 19% body fat. I thought I was in recovery. I could see my muscles. When I looked in the mirror, I thought I looked small. Until a month ago, I was managing an average of 1800 cals/day and I was very proud of myself. Then I went to the doctor for my first physical since before the weight loss. My thyroid has gone crazy. I became terrified it would cause me to gain. I went home to look in the mirror and I saw fat again. Hello Darkness, my old friend.
[Help] can't stop binging :(
/u/kingarthersixties
Created: Wed May 2 15:45:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gl6s2/cant_stop_binging/
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I've eaten a cheeseburger and fries, some chocolate/hazelnut roll thing idk, one and a half pieces of toast with huge spoonfuls of nutella, and spoonfuls of nutella bu itself, and three pancakes, two with honey and one with maple syrup within like an hour and a half!!!!!! Please help me idk what to do. I've gained 10 pounds!!!!!!! I'm freaking out because I have a doctors appointment on friday and they're going to weigh me and see my weight gain from january. I want to stop eating but I can't and everyone HAS to have noticed my weight gain.
How I feel about the scale
/u/PM-ME-CORGIS
Created: Wed May 2 15:10:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gkxm0/how_i_feel_about_the_scale/
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https://i.redd.it/b3jvyfrvciv01.jpg
Lost my mum six years ago today
/u/meineschatzi
Created: Wed May 2 14:54:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gksy4/lost_my_mum_six_years_ago_today/
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Mum was basically the cause of all these issues from when I was a kid, putting me on diets as young as 10 years old, and always making comments about how fat I was.
She was still my mum though, and those comments weren’t her, they were her BPD. Looking at photos from when I was a kid with her just feels devastating today. I think with everything that’s going on, my sadness is amplified.
I just spent my whole shower crying after weighing myself. I ate less than 1200 calories yesterday, but I could’ve stopped at 600 and I didn’t. What I thought was just water weight or fluctuations due to actually just eating sometimes last week has stuck around and every time I look in the mirror I see this disgusting fat pig. I’m fucking miserable, but I still had to have breakfast to be able to do my job. I just want to go back to bed but instead I have to teach in front of a whole bunch of kids and pretend I’m okay, and I don’t feel like I am.
I just miss my mum and I wish she could be there for me while I’m going through this even though deep down I know she’d make it worse. I like to imagine how she would’ve been without the illness, and that’s the mum I have with me on days like today.
[Goal] So close to goal weight...
/u/captain_peanutbutter
Created: Wed May 2 14:27:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gklpr/so_close_to_goal_weight/
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So I weighed myself this morning and I'm only one pound away from my first GW. ONE. POUND. I've never weighed this little before and it's a weird fucking feeling - I feel like crap bc I've had to restrict pretty hard the last couple of weeks to get here and it's catching up with me, but at the same time, I'm definitely riding the high. Wonder what it'll be like when I actually get to 100lbs...
IDK. Just felt like I needed to vent
I want to revise my food plan for the week cause I don't actually like it but I also don't like changing the plan. Can I get some feedback?
/u/Arnathair
Created: Wed May 2 14:03:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gkexe/i_want_to_revise_my_food_plan_for_the_week_cause/
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Alright, so basically in addition to calorie restricting I also restrict based on aesthetic elements. It used to be like, by color, or by cooking method, or by serving method, etc. But for the last few months it's been ethnic or historical. This week I'm eating based on the strictest WWII rationing guidelines from World War II, this week I'm only eating surviving recipes from the Roman Empire, etc. Well, this week my aesthetic was Russian peasant. 150cal kasha breakfast, 215cal potato and 50cal butter for lunch, 160cal bread and 125cal borsch for dinner.
Except that I haven't had borsch in a long time and I forgot that I'm a filthy revisionist who doesn't like tomato in it, so I made my big pot of borsch for the week with tomato and it kind of ruined it.
Now, part of me thinks this good. It means if I actually eat the borsch it's because I'm really genuinely hungry. It emphasizes these restrictions as a punishment against myself. It's probably more authentic, idk, I imagine there were at least some Russian peasants who didn't like borsch but had to eat it anyway cause it was the only food available. I've never broken the plan/changed meals part way through a week before and doing so makes me feel very anxious. Also, I was really proud of myself for making all my food for the week with less than $10, and if I make a new soup I'll ruin the budget.
But the borsch is important nutrition-wise. I'm also really quite worried that if I don't each the borsch I'll end up binging or breaking the aesthetic. Also, when I don't eat the borsch my diet is just grain, starch, and another grain, and even though I know there's a lot of carbs in the borsch too, the thought of my entire diet being just brown carby food makes me anxious as well.
I just wanted to get input from people who wouldn't just attack the restriction/would understand "well if I hate the food it will make me eat less" as a pro etc. Do I make a new soup that I actually like or do I suffer through four more days of tomatoey borsch?
Just keep going you guys
/u/Egleriel
Created: Wed May 2 13:54:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gkcd5/just_keep_going_you_guys/
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Guys, I was reading through my old account and I realized it took me almost 3 months to lose 20 lbs.
I don't remember being that dedicated but I posted nearly every day.
Remember progress is progress no matter how small. If you are staying under your TDEE you will lose weight. You can do this.
[Rant/Rave] “Do you squat?”
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Wed May 2 13:52:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gkbr3/do_you_squat/
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I wore a mini skirt yesterday and someone asked me if I squat. I thought it was a compliment, like I have nice shapely legs. Now I am over thinking it, my legs are huge, no thigh gap... Urgh feel so fucking fat.
Anxious about moving back home
/u/velocity2ds
Created: Wed May 2 13:45:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gk9rq/anxious_about_moving_back_home/
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I've been living on my own since I moved away for the past several months and it made things easy for me MOST OF THE TIME when it came to food. I could simply not buy binge trigger food out of frugality but at home the pantry is going to be stocked with so much junk. I went through some shitty boy problems a week ago and I managed to not binge even though buying chocolates and chips full out somehow. but it's gonna be so hard as soon as I get home ugh
Anyone have any tips if they've been in the same situation?
[Rant/Rave] Pls don’t post pics of yo shit...
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Wed May 2 13:42:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gk93r/pls_dont_post_pics_of_yo_shit/
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No one wants to see it. Also stop posting about sticking stuff up your ass.
You clearly want attention.
Stop.
I have to start jogging...How can I even do that?!!
/u/billionsofatoms
Created: Wed May 2 13:39:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gk8a9/i_have_to_start_jogginghow_can_i_even_do_that/
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Long story short, I have to start running/jogging ~2-3x/week, as cardio exercise. It will be short distances, max. 5km at once. I am really bad at cardio, especially jogging because I have no stamina. Recently I've also been restricting like crazy, and I already started having dizziness and sore muscles from only biking 5km which I'd easily do before.
My boyfriend pretty much "forced" me into it, telling me to give it a chance because it is going to help with my depression, but he always exaggerates and if I'm not fast enough or if I need breaks, he can get really pushy and mean in the "KEEP GOING" way.
He cannot ever know I relapsed, either.
How can I jog at a decent pace without taking many breaks and getting dizzy, because he will think I'm either not trying, or realize I might not eat enough? I am so panicked right now over this. Anyone else having such issues?
university and anorexia
/u/UniversityStudent12
Created: Wed May 2 13:19:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gk2iu/university_and_anorexia/
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Hi.
I would like to conduct a study for my Masters of Research dissertation. The study is about the phenomenon of anorexia amongst people aged between 16 and 25. The aim of the study is to gain an understanding of how you present yourselves within online forums, and highlight the purpose and use of communities. The study intends to understand how off line communities of educators, educational institutions and students may effectively learn to better support people with anorexia.
I would like your permission to read your discussions. If I wish to use any of your posts I will contact you and ask for your consent and ask you to verify that you are over the age of 16. If I do not obtain consent your posts will not be included in my research. If you participate in group discussions and do not wish to give consent for your post to be used your comments will be excluded from my research.
You may withdraw consent at any point during the study, and any data collected under your username will be deleted. To ensure confidentiality and anonymity the name of this forum, and your usernames will be allocated pseudonyms.
My university e-mail address is d.russen@uea.ac.uk, my mobile number is 07936712651, please contact me if you wish to ask any questions about any aspect of the study.
Best wishes
Diane Rickaby
[Discussion] Made a blog post about ephedrine...
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Wed May 2 13:12:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gk0te/made_a_blog_post_about_ephedrine/
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Am I allowed to post it here or is would that be considered giving medical advice?
It’s a general article about it, and includes info around the effects of it and the laws surrounding it.
Nervous first timer here - just gonna share kinda like AA
/u/samizdatstudio
Created: Wed May 2 13:09:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gk004/nervous_first_timer_here_just_gonna_share_kinda/
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Hey there,
I'm not sure how I ended up here at 3 AM when I have a tonne of work due tomorrow but I just can't seem to get to it.
I've never had an issue with acknowledging that I have a problem. Frankly I'm quite disgusted by people who take pride in being severely overweight or underweight - all body image advocacy just makes me nauseous. I don't understand why people find it so difficult to accept that they have a problem. You're NOT perfect and beautiful as you are. If everyone in the world was beautiful, there wouldn't be a need for that word - the whole concept would be redundant and meaningless.
Some people are beautiful, and some are just ugly. That's not the end of the world. There's so much more that makes you a person. You should be able to say yeah, I'm a hideous fucking uggo - but I'm a bomb ass graphic designer, a top notch chef and a successful businessman.
I'm 25, I'm just about average or slightly below average height for a guy (5'8") and I weigh 110 pounds after a heavy meal. I have an insane metabolism that somehow allows me eat whatever the fuck I want and never gain a pound. For a long time I used to want to be buff and muscular but my body just won't allow it. My hands look like those of a starving Ethiopian child on a Nat Geo cover and I hate them. When I work out a lot, my arms get even more wiry looking and creepier, and when I get abs they're those weird super cut skinny-boy abs that just gross me out. The only place any weight accumulates is around my gut, but even that's a tiny amount. I like to keep it that way because I've always been insecure about my height and the size of my dick. The skinnier I am, the easier it is to pull off the illusion that I'm tall. When I take dick pics for seedy online hookups, my cock always looks way bigger than it really is because I'm so skinny in comparison. I assume people are always disappointed when we actually meet.
I honestly don't know why I'm sharing this or what response to even expect here. I was just watching a bunch of Fat acceptance cringe compilation videos on Youtube and was overcome by this weird uncomfortable feeling and just somehow stumbled upon this subreddit.
I'm not bulimic, I never make myself purge - I appreciate food far too much to do that. I'm not anorexic either, I don't think I look fat exactly. I just feel like I'm confined to a certain kind of body type and even though I want to change it, I hate the way I look when I take any steps in that direction.
Sometimes I just wish I could look like a typical jock and not like the pussy ass bitch I am. Sometimes I just wish I could have nice forearms and actual pecs instead of my xylophone ribcage. I don't really wish that my dick was bigger or that my face was more symmetrical or my jawline was sharper or my nose was smaller. I've made my peace with imperfections that I have no control over. But the size of my body is something I _should_ have control over.
I don't want to be the kind of obnoxious person who is thrilled to be exactly as they are. I like being humbled by my flaws. I just wish I didn't have so many of them. All those years of being bullied, having the shit kicked out of me, not being able to lift my girlfriend up during shower sex, having my army officer father be constantly disappointed in me for my lack of athleticism - you'd think it'd be enough of a motivator for me to change something.
But the elliptical machine beside my bed, the giant set of weights, the obscene jar of protein powder, none of it seems to do anything. I just have to resign myself to the fact that I'll always be a scrawny little pigeon boned twig boy who smears vaseline on all the mirrors so I don't catch a glimpse of my own reflection and puke.
[Rant/Rave] Woot Woot
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Wed May 2 13:04:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gjyin/woot_woot/
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Officially got rid of half the weight I put on during my horrific several month binging period :) 11 more pounds to go!
[Help] Beginning the road to maintenance and it’s scary but I got this (I hope). This is long, sorry!
/u/sirenloop
Created: Wed May 2 13:04:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gjyic/beginning_the_road_to_maintenance_and_its_scary/
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(Please feel free to delete/suggest edits if any of this isn’t okay on this forum! I also posted it in r/exproed but I want all the feedback I can get so I’m posting here, too.)
Hi, guys. I’ve been lurking in r/proed, r/keto, and r/xxketo for a while and have made a few posts since joining reddit. I recently went to see a nutritionalist for advice on maintaining my weight and it went horribly. That’s a whole other story though and I posted it in this sub a few days ago if you want to read the whole horrifying experience.
After that failed attempt at getting some help, I’ve decided to tackle maintenance on my own and I’m excited/nervous/overwhelmed/can’t wait to start eating again, haha. I’m posting to keep myself accountable and gain some love and support during what is proving to be harder than I thought it would be.
(Also last night I took a video of myself naked, walking and bending over and stuff like that (weird, I know!) and saw how thin I’ve actually gotten. Like really, really saw it. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this visibly tiny/bony and it was a big wake-up call for me. I think I was mostly blind to my weight loss until that moment. I don’t want to lose any more, I really don’t.)
My current stats are: 5’5.5”, 114.0 lbs, BMI 18.7. I currently do IF and keto with macros of: 750 cals, 10g net carbs 60g protein, 50g fat. My BF% is probably between 10-14% but that’s just my best guess (I’ve always maintained a low-ish BF% because of my job).
I’m not ~technically~ underweight (2 lbs away lol) but my health and stamina/strength/endurance have been severely affected by months of consistent restriction and I no longer want to lose weight. For the first time in my life, I’m body confident where I am and I know losing more would make my health concerns even worse. It’s simply not worth it anymore and I want to be healthy and happy (and also maintain around 110-115lbs haha).
A little bit of background/info about me:
I’m a semi-relapsed but mostly recovered (as in: relapsed into poor habits but without the horrifyingly negative mindset I had when I was really sick). I’ve battled anorexia for 6 years. Whittled down to nothing (under 90lbs at my lowest) and ballooned up a lot (up to 149 at my highest) during periods of relapse and recovery. I spent the last few years “recovered” but I realized recently that really I was just restricting and then binging frequently enough that I maintained my weight.
Keto definitely gave me a new mindset around food/food addiction/binging and I’m grateful for that but will be transitioning off once I figure out maintenance. I’m in no hurry but am looking forward to adding legumes/lentils/sweet potatoes/quinoa/bananas/more veggies back into my diet. I hope to never return to the days of binge eating pints of vegan B&J’s but I want to be able to occasionally treat myself or enjoy an eating-centered social situation without panicking about overeating carbs and kicking myself out of keto.
Here’s my maintenance plan (I came up with it myself so PLEASE feel free to make suggestions/constructive comments!!):
Increasing by 100-200 cals every 4 ish days. Today is the first day I’ll be eating 800 in MONTHS. I’m so excited for that extra oz of chicken breast and cup of spinach, haha!
That means a 50 cal increase every 2 days until I get up to 1100. I’d like to eat that for a little and slowly lose down to 109, when I will transitioning out of keto in 5-10g carb increments, up to 50-100g carbs daily. I chose to slow lose a bit more so that the 4-6ish pounds of water weight gain from reintroducing carbs would put me right at 114-115ish, where I’d like to maintain permanently.
After reintroducing some carbzz, I’ll increase in 50-100 cal increments until I hit around ~1500, what I’m estimating my maintenance calories to be. I’m a physically active aerial arts instructor (teach 5-6x per week for 3-4 hrs) but I spend a lot of that time on the ground coaching, so I’d rather underestimate than overestimate maintenance calories, at least at first. I’ll continue planning and tracking my meals and weighing myself so I can make sure I don’t continue to lose. If I do, I’ll up my calories by 100-200 per week until I stop losing weight and can bounce around in a 5 lb range (accounting for food/water weight).
Eventually I’d like to weigh myself only 1x per week (or less!) and stop counting calories completely, but those are long term goals. For right now I’m focusing on just eating more every day at a rate that feels manageable. My current goal is to not overwhelm myself more than necessary while figuring all this out.
Any tips/advice/love/support would be greatly appreciated. I love the idea of this thread and I’m so excited to start this road to maintenance and a healthy/happy/sustainable me. Sorry this was so long; if you made it this far, I appreciate you.
Small victory by avoiding inevitable bp session
/u/AgreeableReplacement
Created: Wed May 2 12:53:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gjvm2/small_victory_by_avoiding_inevitable_bp_session/
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normally i spend the mornings of my days off drinking then b/ping to my hearts content. it always ruins the rest of my day because i feel like shit and have to pretend that im ok when my SO gets home from work then try so much harder not to binge again.
anyway today i was sooo close to going on a food haul but decided last minute to continue my restriction streak and go for a long walk instead. i know restricting/exercise isn't necessarily healthy either but at least it makes me feel better than vomiting. i'm now officially b/p free 5 days. its a small victory but im proud nonetheless :)
Let's have a real talk about frame sizes and what's really "achievable" for anybody
/u/ELESH_NORN_DAMNIT
Created: Wed May 2 12:47:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gjtth/lets_have_a_real_talk_about_frame_sizes_and_whats/
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So I'm fat as fuck (literally just over the edge of morbidly obese right now, fucking kill me guys) and I've basically always been at least overweight since childhood. (Raised with all the bad habits, clean your plate, fed adult-sized portions, the works.) So I have this feeling like, I have no clue wtf I "really" look like, under all this fat. Now as far as goals, I would really really really like to wear XS and especially a size 0 in dresses, just tiny and small and all that. I've also heard that some people have "bone structure" or whatever that's just really big or broad or something and even anorexic people who were underweight were never below say dress size 10 or something. Not EVERYBODY has the kind of body that can become a 0 or something like that...or do they??? I know about the wrist test where you wrap your fingers around your wrist to determine "frame size" and based on that I am definitely quite firmly in "small frame" territory. Is there any other way of determining frame size that's helpful wrt these kind of goals? I'm open to stuff that doesn't work for bigger people too 'cause despite my paranoia I know that I WILL eventually be there, losing about five pounds a week right now...
How do you guys balance having an ED with exams?
/u/beaglesarebest
Created: Wed May 2 12:28:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gjoas/how_do_you_guys_balance_having_an_ed_with_exams/
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My ED has pretty much taken over my life, and at the same time I'm obsessed with passing my exams at the end of the month. I'm not able to eat over 600 cal a day, but at the same time I study for about 10 hours a day and I obviously lack energy and can't concentrate properly (dizziness, hunger pains, shakiness). My stress levels are beyond anything I've experienced before. Not sure if this exam period is gonna be the end of me. I can't see a way out. Recovery is not an alternative at the moment.
Do you guys have any tips? How do you deal with having an ED and exams at the same time?
Tired of fluxing dysmorphia
/u/Nofood4me
Created: Wed May 2 11:45:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gjcmi/tired_of_fluxing_dysmorphia/
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I've tried drawing how I think I look and how I want to look recently and it's really throwing me off. I was hoping I could look at them and realize I'm closer to how I want to look than how I think I look, but all I can see is the awful lumps and fat in the how I think I look. I know I don't see myself correctly but... I don't see how. I'm an artist, I'm fully capable of seeing reality, and the reality is I have an awful, bulky body, but sometimes it seems thin and tiny, like how my friends and family describe it.
So I tell myself when I'm drawing the "what I want" that it's what I actually look like, but I can't see it in the mirror. I was hoping this exercise would help my dysmorphia, but it seems to have made it worse.
Maybe I don't have dysmorphia? American standards for what counts as tiny is incredibly warped and maybe I'm just not obese and that's enough for people? But that's not enough for me :(
[Rant/Rave] New milestones
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Wed May 2 11:42:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gjbp3/new_milestones/
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today i hit a BMI of 19 for the first time in years
today i went into a store dressing room and came out without being on the verge of tears, for the first time in years
im happy but still not satisfied
sigh
[Other] RAISING goal weight?
/u/orchia
Created: Wed May 2 11:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gj7yt/raising_goal_weight/
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Anyone else ever done this? So I’m hovering around 127 lbs right now and my next GW is 120. My UGW was 110 but now I’m not so sure...I don’t absolutely hate how I look right now, I’m pretty much OK with every part of my body except my stomach. So I was thinking about just stopping at 120 because hopefully my stomach will be flatter by then, and it seems like a good weight to be otherwise (on the cusp of a healthy BMI, and probably more maintainable in the long run).
But at the same time, I feel like a failure for even thinking about raising my UGW. Like I’m just faking because if I really had an ED I’d be going LOWER, not higher. Especially because I haven’t felt very “immersed” in my ED recently, if that makes sense. Like, I’ve been restricting to 500 cal but I don’t really think about it. It’s become more of a routine that’s faded into the background, especially because I’m so busy with finishing up senior year.
So idk, I’m just very conflicted rn I guess :/
[Rant/Rave] I haven’t lost weight in a week and I’m feeling down
/u/oat_queen
Created: Wed May 2 11:21:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gj5l7/i_havent_lost_weight_in_a_week_and_im_feeling_down/
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I feel like all of a sudden I don’t have any self control anymore. I lost 10 pounds and the motivation is just gone now even though I only have 10 more pounds until my UGW
update!! boyfriend fasting while im in recovery
/u/Jemjon
Created: Wed May 2 11:14:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gj3tu/update_boyfriend_fasting_while_im_in_recovery/
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Hey everyone its me again with an update about my post yesterday! thanks everyone for your thoughts and support!
I talked with my boyfriend last night and he really had no idea it would be a big deal for me. He was super sweet and understanding about me not wanting to eat alone at home, and he said he will absolutely eat a lil bit with me when I have dinner if I would feel more comfortable. He knows its the unhealthy way to lose weight and will lose muscle but honestly i think he is desparate right now and I understand that, its not like I can talk!!
I also explained to him my ED thoughts about it, that i should be eating less than him, be able to fast longer than him, blah blah blah or im not good enough. And he and I agreed these thoughts are something I need to work on and this is a good opportunity to do so. eating less and fasting longer does not equal a better person!
Really im thinking of it as a good challenge and something I need to overcome, and if i can handle this without a serious breakdown, im sure i can handle a lot of other things. 🤷♀️ wish me luck!
Calculations to lose weight?
/u/jessahugs
Created: Wed May 2 10:49:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8giwfs/calculations_to_lose_weight/
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I know you need to know your BMR and TDEE but i'm not sure how to use them? lol I might need the Explain like i'm 5 thread...
[Rant/Rave] Lost 30lbs in 9 months
/u/SpaceWhale88
Created: Wed May 2 10:44:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8giuwe/lost_30lbs_in_9_months/
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And I told myself once I got here I'd try online dating again. But last night I went out with coworkers and we took a group picture. . .woof. I looked so fucking HUGE still. I'm borderline obese and this was a harsh reminder I'm still too fat to try to date. Oh well, maybe this time next year I will be at my goal weight and won't be gross looking anymore. A whole fucking year of still being fat. Yikes.
[Help] Anyone on Vyvanse for BED?
/u/BurnBridgesLiteMyWay
Created: Wed May 2 10:39:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gitmn/anyone_on_vyvanse_for_bed/
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I’ve finally gotten a prescription for Vyvanse for my recent diagnosis of BED. I also hardcore restrict but I’m coming off a deep depression which triggers more bingeing so I’m currently more on the chubby side so my doctor doesn’t really know the magnitude of my restricting.
I was thrilled this might help me handle my bingeing and therefore I wouldn’t need to do the binge/restrict cycling I’ve been doing for 2 decades. I danced into the pharmacy thinking this might just be the trick. Oh, how naive! $90 for a 30 day supply! I couldn’t see spending that with my budget. And I have great insurance.
Anyone else on it? Does it really help curb your appetite much? Is it worth it? Does it do more than Ritalin?
The pharmacist said there are generics for like $5 but my psychiatrist is very “by the book” and only Vyvanse is officially recommended for BED. That’s obviously bc they can charge so much bc it’s still brand name and generic drugs don’t have the money or motive to have the research to authorize it for BED.
I’m so discouraged.
[Thinspo] Are the Tumblr 'thinspo' tags not working anymore?
/u/aerienne
Created: Wed May 2 09:55:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gih99/are_the_tumblr_thinspo_tags_not_working_anymore/
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I tried in Chrome and Safari. When I go to 'thinspo' or 'skinny', that stupid message pops up asking if I'm okay. When I click 'view posts', nothing happens. I tried logging in and out and using different browsers.
I wanted to check here before I flip out.
What weight loss rate are you doing/shooting for?
/u/portrayalofdeath
Created: Wed May 2 09:53:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gigqj/what_weight_loss_rate_are_you_doingshooting_for/
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I'm just curious as to what people are doing or shooting for in regards to weight loss (those that have that as a goal, of course). I'm also interested in hearing what you've tried that worked and what hasn't.
Me, I've been all over the place as far as plans are concerned. I've tried shooting for 4 lbs per week, but it just wasn't sustainable for more than a few days max. I've tried 3 lbs per week (so a 1500 kcal deficit), which has me eating around 1400 kcal per day, but it's still not really working adherence-wise. It's better, but I still binge every other day. Now I'm thinking of shooting for a 750 kcal deficit on average, which would have me lose roughly 1.5 lbs per week. Having trouble dedicating myself to it, though, because I have around 35-40 lbs to lose, and this would take a while. I'll probably start feeling comfortable about how I look in 15-20 lbs. But man, if I shot for this rate from the get-go and actually stuck to it, I would've been done a loooooooong time ago.
So yeah, just wondering what other eating disordered people are doing, I guess.
Any of you dealing with an ED while still massively overweight?
/u/bunnyalert
Created: Wed May 2 09:32:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8giaom/any_of_you_dealing_with_an_ed_while_still/
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I go through cycles of binging and purging (clearly mostly bingeing) daily and then spent the rest of my time obsessing about my disgusting body while self harming. I’m seriously huge, like 80 pounds overweight. It’s especially a lot on my small frame (5’2’’). I put the weight on over around six months of crazy bingeing after my best friend’s death and now I can’t look at myself in the mirror without wanting to destroy my body. I can’t stop eating and I can’t stop hating myself.
I love you all but a part of me feels extremely awful when people celebrate going from normal BMI to underweight and stuff like that while I’m over here in landwhale territory. Not that any of those people should stop, everyone’s going through their own thing— just voicing how the ED reacts for me.
I guess hit me up if you want reverse thinspo... haha... (sob)
[Other] I downloaded MFP after reading a girls recovery story on tumblr telling people not to download MFP
/u/shonamairead
Created: Wed May 2 09:23:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gi87s/i_downloaded_mfp_after_reading_a_girls_recovery/
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I read a girls recovery story on tumblr a few years back (I have had body dysmorphia from the age of like 13) and she said MFP was what caused her ED to spiral out of control. So what did I do? Downloaded it and logged every calorie I consumed like my life depended on it. Why do I love to suffer?
What safe foods are you vibing with rn
/u/thinandmint
Created: Wed May 2 09:07:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gi419/what_safe_foods_are_you_vibing_with_rn/
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I can never get enough of these safe food threads. Sorry if this is repetitive lol. I get bored easily so I need to change up my safe foods every so often.
With the weather getting warmer I'm in LOVE with frozen blueberries, topped with truvia, eaten slowly with chopsticks. It's seriously my happy place.
Runner ups:
* sliced bell peppers dipped in fat free ranch (25cal/2tbsp) with a dash of cheddar bacon popcorn seasoning. mmmmmm
* sauerkraut even though it turns me into a gassy bloated disaster
* rice porridge or oatmeal made with way too much water and cooked too long so it turns into a big volume of mush
* chocolate covered banana halo top @280cal. Seriously in love with this flavor
In search of: something for chip craving that isn't popcorn
[Discussion] May 1st and 2nd Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh
Created: Wed May 2 08:39:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ghw7o/may_1st_and_2nd_question_of_the_day/
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1st: Messy or neat?
2nd: Are you hesitating?
Any non addictive appetite suppressors?
/u/mojojojoez_scraps
Created: Wed May 2 08:18:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ghqxk/any_non_addictive_appetite_suppressors/
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I used to eat diet pills or kratom and that would suppressors any appetite really well but I didn't like that I felt like crap when I wasn't taking it. Caffine is a great one but does anyone know of any more?
[Help] plateau is killing me. need some support
/u/xlaaane
Created: Wed May 2 08:06:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ghnli/plateau_is_killing_me_need_some_support/
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hey guys. you might have seen me around here before. i’ve dropped 56 lb since my highest weight and i’m FINALLY in the 120’s which has been a goal for over a year now. i’ve been stuck at 128 for 3 days and i just don’t understand why. i’ve been on a 400 calorie liquid diet and it’s that time of the month so i’m thinking that might be why. there’s no way i can’t be losing, right?? :((
Wondering about your thoughts on this post in r/relationships
/u/theonlyappiuseispeac
Created: Wed May 2 07:51:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ghjqk/wondering_about_your_thoughts_on_this_post_in/
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I read this post this morning and I am just seeing red:
"My daughter who will be Amy for this post recently came home for a couple weeks before returning to live at college for the rest of the summer because she has a job on the campus.
Throughout the past year, since Amy left for college last fall, whenever she's visited my wife Sarah has given her a hard time about her minor weight gain. Amy has always been very slender and at 5'7 went off to college weighing around 130. Now at the end of her first year she weighs 141, Sarah made her weigh herself on the scale.
When she first came home for Thanksgiving the comments were "Wow you're getting pretty pudgy" and asking did she really need another helping in front of all our family. Over winter break Sarah made a lot of comments about the "Freshman 15" and wanted to know details about how much Amy was eating each day and what food, how often did she go to the gym, and was she just "lazing around all day snacking" because that will turn you into "a whale pretty fast." This caused them to argue. I told my wife to lay off when she said these things and she stopped, so I thought it was over. Amy later told me Sarah kept saying it, just not when I was around.
She didn't visit for spring break because her friends went on a trip. Now is the first time we've seen her since Christmas and I'd say half the things Sarah has said to her since she came home a couple days ago have been about her weight. Like I said she made her weigh herself. She keeps exclaiming, "11 pounds. That's more than a pound a month." And researching diets online.
Like I said Amy has a slender build. I'm not a doctor but I know the amount she gained isn't anywhere close to being a problem. Sarah is exaggerating, but even if Amy was becoming worryingly overweight, I'd disagree with my wife's method. It's shaming her and making her upset. She told me she was glad she got the job on campus so she wouldn't have to live here for the summer.
I've talked to Sarah twice so far about stopping the critical comments. She said "Maybe it's not a big deal right now but when she weighs 300 pounds you'll be wishing you'd said something too." She also said 19 is too young to let herself go. And that college won't teach kids this kind of self-discipline. She's also obsessively worried that Amy won't be attractive to any men.
I can't help but be put off by my wife's hypocrisy here. She's not really someone with a right to criticize anyone else for letting themselves go. As she's aged she's put on maybe 20 more pounds since we got married, and certainly looks older than she is due to wrinkles and gray hair. But here I am despite such. If she was single in this state I could see her own mother making the same remark about men to her. But it is what it is, the hypocrisy is more of a secondary problem here.
I'm worried about Sarah's hysteria causing emotional problems for Amy. I've tried to counter her mom's negativity by being reasonable and supportive, explaining it's normal to gain a little weight since at 19 she's not done growing yet. I've also told her she's worth way more than her body. She's afraid she's "gotten fat" (her words) when she's in no way fat. She's simply not as skinny as she used to be. To her they're the same thing, to Sarah too it seems.
What can I do to get my wife to see she's giving our daughter bad ideas about weight and body image? I thought about scheduling a doctor appointment so she can hear from the doctor that Amy isn't overweight, but am worried it could make Amy's self-consciousness worse.
tl;dr: My wife has been making some mean-spirited comments to our daughter who gained a minor amount of weight her first year of college. My wife doesn't see my side that this is affecting our daughter badly, making her embarrassed and believing she's fat when she's really not."
The mom's behavior makes me furious and most women I know with eating disorders have mommy issues. On one hand I feel bad because the mom obviously has issues of her own, on the other hand I feel like you have a duty to fix some of your shit before you have kids so you don't do exactly this and role model such bad behavior.
I also hate how the dad is getting so much sympathy because honestly if I heard my dad say something like this I would be fucked up forever: "As she's aged she's put on maybe 20 more pounds since we got married, and certainly looks older than she is due to wrinkles and gray hair."
Link for (locked) comments if you want to see them: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/8geejt/i_45m_dont_like_the_way_my_wife_43f_treats_our/
DAE feel like post b/p is more like a hangover?
/u/backpackcats88
Created: Wed May 2 07:09:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gh9qf/dae_feel_like_post_bp_is_more_like_a_hangover/
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I'm mostly a lurker these days, but just wanted to know if anyone's felt like they got hit by a train the morning after a post b/p. It might have to do with the dehydration, whatever but I feel so messed up. Massive headache, some muscle aches...constant nausea and indigestion even after eating.
I dunno...I feel like dying. That I am dying (overdramatic). But mentally, I feel so drained and just sick of it.
[Other] My “yes I am restricting again, how can you tell?” shop
/u/stillweighting
Created: Wed May 2 07:06:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gh91o/my_yes_i_am_restricting_again_how_can_you_tell/
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https://i.redd.it/pgk49pyhyfv01.jpg
Antipsychotic makes me feel sooo hungry
/u/maxmydogmydogmax
Created: Wed May 2 07:01:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gh7xx/antipsychotic_makes_me_feel_sooo_hungry/
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Usually I can go all day with just one 0 cal monster. I don't feel uncomfortable hunger at all.
But my antipsychotic has stimulated my appetite so much I feel like I'm starving constantly. I ate three tacos and still felt like I was starving. I ate so much yesterday and still felt hungry. Not eating at all just got harder...
No wonder the side effects are weight gain. If I eat like I ate yesterday, I will gain weight.
I talked to my best friend about maybe getting off the antipsychotics due to potential weight gain and he was adamantly opposed. I feel guilty trying to get off them.
Has anyone else had this issue? If so, how did you cope?
Grimm: wesen- anorexia
/u/PunkHoyden
Created: Wed May 2 06:53:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gh5v8/grimm_wesen_anorexia/
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OK please excuse this like whole thing
BUT
are there any other people here who watch the show? I know it's nbot current and all but my partner recently got into it which got me HOOKED.
I'm stupidly connected to Monroe. Him trying to live with his blutbad-side made me think of trying to live with an eating disorder. I started watching the series solely because of him.
I struggle so much with my anorexia, like he struggles with his wesen side.
Cause honestly most of us will have a life long struggle. Constantly battling against our own brains, our own genetics.
Sorry, am drunk and redditing while watching Grimm.
Monroe=me
DEA have ribs and a pouch?
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Wed May 2 06:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gh5bh/dea_have_ribs_and_a_pouch/
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My ribs are coming in nicely, I'm super impressed with them. My stomach is another story. I know it's smaller than it was, but my gut looks like I'm in my first trimester.
Please send help.
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! May 02, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 2 06:12:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ggx0h/daily_food_diary_may_02_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for May 02, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday May 02, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed May 2 06:11:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ggwsy/way_to_go_wednesday_may_02_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for May 02, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Rant/Rave] THE SUN IS HERE
/u/Soybeansandsprouts
Created: Wed May 2 06:02:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ggv13/the_sun_is_here/
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Omygoodnes guys it’s finally spring. I go to college in the northeastern US and since about November it’s been gray, cloudy, and below 50 degrees. I’m from Southern California and honestly, not seeing the sun has taken a massive toll on my mental health. I like the rain and snow, but when im cooped inside for weeks/months I start getting really anxious and depressed. It’s cold outside and there’s not much to do in town so everyone is huddled indoors eating snacks and drinking vodka :0
Now it’s warm and sunny and I feel like I’m glowing. I’ll be able to start running again and spending time out of the house not surrounded by food. Who cares if I’m not below 110 I’m wearing my sundress and absorbing dat good old vitamin D.
[Other] Gonna delete later but I'm obsessed with how my legs looked in this
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Wed May 2 05:59:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ggu7w/gonna_delete_later_but_im_obsessed_with_how_my/
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https://i.redd.it/b2wcshvkmfv01.jpg
gained 10 lbs in a week!!!
/u/ricerollers
Created: Wed May 2 05:31:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ggorw/gained_10_lbs_in_a_week/
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went on a week long binge and gained t e n p o u n d s
wtf :( i feel like an absolute failure. all the hard work i did means nothing bc i just gained all that weight back. i hate myself right now.
DAE feel happy when they're sick because you've got an excuse for eating less?
/u/Judo_Noob_PTX
Created: Wed May 2 03:05:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gfzmo/dae_feel_happy_when_theyre_sick_because_youve_got/
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I woke up this morning with a really sore throat, and my parents have been ill recently. They had absolutely no appetite so even if the sore throat is unrelated, I'm just going to claim 'not hungry'!
More repulsed by food daily
/u/Firerose157
Created: Wed May 2 02:23:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gftnl/more_repulsed_by_food_daily/
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So, not too long ago I made a post about a weird appetite, or lack thereof. Now, despite experimenting with textures and tastes, I find I'm still struggling. It feels like each day my body finds a new way to show my discomfort towards textures and foods, such as lip quivering and an awkward face of disgust with each bite. Nothing seems satisfying in terms of taste, and eating has become an overall chore. Tips?
[Discussion] Chewing and spitting and calories
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Wed May 2 01:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gfkra/chewing_and_spitting_and_calories/
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How many calories do you ingest by C/S?
Assuming you swallow hardly any of it and spit it all out. I read that you absorb a third of the calories so i've been logging it as that
Which TDEE Calculator is the most accurate one?
/u/DesperateViolet
Created: Wed May 2 01:19:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gfk2e/which_tdee_calculator_is_the_most_accurate_one/
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hi, it doesnt matter which one i take they all say something different.
i mean one said 1640, one said 1480 and i forgot what the third one was. i was more obsessed with the number before so i recherched and thought that my real calorie intake per day should never be higher than 1400cal.
i am 169cm, right now 82kg, i want to be 60kg.
if all that would be true i should lose weight like a hurricane on my 1000cal diet. but, i am not (which is ok, i am calm, i feel good)
but i am curious which calculator would be the most accurate one.
the next thing is, i am absolutely not active, i have a desk job and i struggle doing any kind of activity (i struggle to get my 10k steps daily pretty hard, average is like 7k, my SO goes every second day on a long slow walk with me to get my steps) because i am tired. not because i dont eat enough, i was tired when i was fatter too. i am just it looks like a very tired person (i wake up on weekends after at most 8hrs of sleep, my brain doesnt need sleep but my body is tired, without thyroid problems, or iron problems (my blood pressure is normal, maybe sometimes low). i think i need more muscles i should do sport but its hard.
so basically i am healthy. but no activity, <1000cal right now. not losing weight as fast as the numbers tell me. which calculator do you guys use?
[Discussion] Chew/spit
/u/bipbiphoop1
Created: Wed May 2 00:42:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gfdtd/chewspit/
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I think i losing the control of it. Today i chew/spited nearly 20 candies and its such a waste (i sell candies in my uni so less money for me)
I wish i could control myself and just not eat. I spent all the day in my bed with a plastic bag on the side and the candies on the other side.
Even i can swallow when im in front of people, i start to get dizzy for just think about the calories and when they dont see i spit in a tissue.
I fell so dirty rn, anyone going through the same?
[Other] How clingy/needy are you with you SO and is body image a factor?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Tue May 1 23:16:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8geyvs/how_clingyneedy_are_you_with_you_so_and_is_body/
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Right now, if I had a boyfriend, he would have to be someone who wouldn’t mind being around me and cuddling 24/7. He would have to be someone who is just as much of a loner and as anti-social as I am, but with me as an exception. He would also have to be equally as needy and possessive as I am, if not more, because this sort of behavior makes me feel wanted and loved. But I realize now that this is really unhealthy to look for in a partner, and it’s not necessarily a sign of love or affection. The way I am now I don’t think I can be in a healthy, normal relationship and feel fulfilled at the same time
So does it get better as you lose weight and your self-esteem goes up? Do you feel less emotionally dependent on your SO’s when you’re thinner? If I get to my goal weight, maybe I won’t crave this kind of a relationship
[Discussion] strange means of satisfaction?
/u/bmddx
Created: Tue May 1 23:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gevza/strange_means_of_satisfaction/
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i've recently found that watching food related videos (mostly insider food because it disgusts me, but also those little baking videos with whatever royalty free pop uke instrumental they can throw into the background) & playing cooking games on sites like girlsgogames keep me from binging. you'd think they'd do the opposite, but nope. it's kind of painful because part of me wants to devour what i'm seeing, but satisfactory because i know that my restraint is too strong (at least 80% of the time) to ever let me give in while i watch people stuff their faces over & over again. it's obscene. i love it.
low-calorie snacks i can keep in my room?
/u/northernmountaingirl
Created: Tue May 1 22:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ger9g/lowcalorie_snacks_i_can_keep_in_my_room/
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i know this sounds soooooo stupid but bear with me
i live in a group house and making food in the kitchen makes me really anxious. it's mostly anxiety associated with people hearing me make food, but also body dysphoria making me feel disgusting and being exhausted when i get home from work.
anyone have ideas of low-calorie snacks/food i can keep in my room?
[Help] Distractions
/u/tenamzobo
Created: Tue May 1 22:10:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gemur/distractions/
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I need ways to distract myself from eating right now. Any good movies, tv shows, games, podcasts, blogs, ANYTHING! Would be very helpful. Thanks.
[Goal] Summer Goals?
/u/diet247x
Created: Tue May 1 21:18:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gecjo/summer_goals/
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For those of us in the northern hemisphere, let's talk about our summer goals! I'm trying to work out 3 times a week and restricting to lose 10 lbs this month. I've been restricting my intake to a light but filling breakfast and balanced lunch with no dinner.
I just want to look good in my summer dresses and outfits at work tbh, which sounds super lame.
Going to stop purging
/u/skydiver89
Created: Tue May 1 21:10:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8geaup/going_to_stop_purging/
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It takes too much energy out of me. I purged a lot yesterday and today I felt so tired. I went to therapy and my therapist and I talked about my bulimia. I know eventually this could destroy my teeth, skin, hair, throat...my therapist said something that blew my mind..."For someone who cares so much about their looks, they aren't doing much to make themselves beautiful in the future." She's so fucking right.
It's gonna be hard not to purge but I'm just so tired and drained. I almost didn't go skydiving today because I was too tired and my heart felt like it was working extra hard. I love the sport more than my ED. I don't know if I can commit to going back to OA meetings or from laxing, but seriously, throwing up is just not for me anymore.
[Discussion] DAE buy food when you don’t need to?
/u/TinyJarOfRocks
Created: Tue May 1 21:09:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8geasg/dae_buy_food_when_you_dont_need_to/
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I have the worst problem of trying to fill my time with grocery shopping. I will have a fridge filled with food that I KNOW I can’t finish before it goes bad yet I’ll go out and buy more low cal food and spend time meticulously reading nutrition facts at the store.
I just spent 30 bucks at target buying junk I don’t need!!! Why am I like this
After eating less than 100cal a day for two days, I ate nearly 3,000 today.
/u/BreMarieNirvana
Created: Tue May 1 20:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ge60j/after_eating_less_than_100cal_a_day_for_two_days/
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Binging is such a bitch wtf lmao
A poem
/u/gogobingegadget
Created: Tue May 1 20:18:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdzlg/a_poem/
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I decided to make today's frantic google search history into a poem. I call it "the rotisserie-induced insanity of a broken woman":
rotisserie chicken breast nutrition
calories in a rotisserie chicken breast
single chicken breast calories
calories chicken breast with skin
how much does a chicken breast weigh
how many oz in a chicken breast
10 oz rotisserie chicken breast calories
[Help] Family heard me purge
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Tue May 1 20:11:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdy1n/family_heard_me_purge/
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I’m trying hard as fuck to recover. I really really am. But all yesterday and today I had to urge to binge and purge. So so badly. I even dreamed about it.
I held off but tonight I had to.
So I ate and threw up.
I took too long eating because my sister heard me throwing up when she got home from work and yelled at me.
Naturally my dad heard her and then knew what I was doing and he yelled at me.
They’ve know I’m bulimic since last fall.
But they definitely have the outlook of “you chose this, it’s your fault” type of thing.
Me not recovering *is* my fault. But I would be lying if I said that having such an unsupportive family didn’t make it harder. Again, I don’t want to blame them. But hearing my sister who is so obviously thinner than me complain about her weight hurts. Hearing my dad talk about fasting all day hurts. The premium placed on thinness in my household just fucking hurts.
I never expected a warm hug and embrace if they ever actually heard me. We all deal with the same dysfunctional family shit and honestly they’ve reacted poorly to discovering my self harm in the past.
But to be yelled at?
That fucking *sucks*. Hard.
I don’t know enough. Maybe it really is all my fault and I’m actively choosing not to recover by the fact that I choose to binge and purge twice a week.
I give in. I skip therapy. I don’t refill my meds.
Maybe their anger is warranted. But I still feel so ashamed.
[Discussion] DAE feel extreme humiliation when someone mentions anything about their eating habits?
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Tue May 1 20:07:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdx6l/dae_feel_extreme_humiliation_when_someone/
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I have a fear of eating in front of people as pretty much ANY comment about my eating (how fast i'm eating, what i'm eating, how the food smells, anything about the food at all) will make me turn into a fucking tomato and I'll start crying from embarassment. I don't even know why.
[Rant/Rave] Relapsing over a stupid comment, afraid of self harming [Rant,Vent]
/u/DontBeAMinerva
Created: Tue May 1 20:07:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdx32/relapsing_over_a_stupid_comment_afraid_of_self/
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Hey guys sorry if this sounds stilted, I don't write a lot of posts but I wanted to get this out. Lately I've been really stressed, working a new job and taking care of my girlfriend through a really bad mental health point in her life. Emotional eating has been my go to, and I have found that I was slowly gaining some weight and was really self-conscious about my body and my eating. My gf, unfortunately, isn't as good at taking care of me as I am of her, and can sometimes say things that really get to me. All it took was for her to find an empty carton of ice cream in the trash and say "damn girl. You ate a lot of ice cream" and I was back to restricting. I don't think she even realized what she did. Now I am alone here, feeling overwhelmed and over my calorie limit, and I am really afraid I am going to self harm. I just feel like crying, and my apartment is a mess and I don't have anything to look forward to for the rest of the week. I just can't stop thinking about just saying fuck it and locking myself in the bathroom to bleed.
[Rant/Rave] Gaining weight during period (possibly tmi)
/u/DamnPolygalaceae
Created: Tue May 1 20:06:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdwv9/gaining_weight_during_period_possibly_tmi/
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I’m pretty sure it’s normal to gain weight and feel extra hungry when you get your period or whatever but i go absolutely crazy for food before and during my period and I always give myself excuses like “IM SHEDDING BLOOD I DESERVE THESE FRIES” and then I regret it straight after I eat. I gain a good 1 to 2kgs and that really puts me off my restricting.
It’s a whole cycle of losing and then putting it all back on and I’m just so bloody over it... anyone else?
[Help] Please help me with some low cal snacks
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Tue May 1 19:53:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdtt7/please_help_me_with_some_low_cal_snacks/
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A few years ago I reached my goal weight of 115lbs
After some dumb birth control I'm a massive 150/145lbs. It's been a few years and I can't lose it (I'm not even on it anymore)
I desperately need to see change or I'm afraid ill do something bad. Can you reccomened low calorie snacks?
Alo has anyone else overcame that stubborn weight? I feel hopeless and ugly.
Anyone have movie/TV recs?
/u/xveritaserumx
Created: Tue May 1 19:51:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdta1/anyone_have_movietv_recs/
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Just watched Starving in Suburbia, and while it is SO incredibly cringe, it also gave me some much needed meanspo. I've also watched Thin (the Renfrew docu) and enjoyed it as well.
Anyone got other recs to fill my mind with trashy ED shit?
Flavored vodka calories?
/u/Eau_De_Chloroform
Created: Tue May 1 19:39:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdqhm/flavored_vodka_calories/
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I don't drink much and finding alcohol calories is SO GODDAMN MUCH HARDER FOR SOME REASON.
Can someone tell me the calorie difference between regular vodka and flavored vodka? I'm thinking whipped vodka if that makes a difference.
Also interested in hearing your lowest calorie drink ideas. My friends are all going to a drinking event and I want to be as normal as I can and not end up spending the whole night locked in a bathroom because I'm freaking out about liquid calories.
How to delete food from life?
/u/renewtheplaintiff
Created: Tue May 1 19:11:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdk2e/how_to_delete_food_from_life/
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My entire life revolves around food and I’ve let loose lately & gained 5lbs just by eating out at new vegan cafes / cooking shit. I need to find a new hobby. Need to stop looking at photos of donuts.
Hence, I’ve blocked all food Instagrams and will avoid shopping for food from now on. Unsubbed from Youtube food peeps. Only downside is that I work at a goddamn Whole Foods (fml).
What else can I do to peacefully go about my day without getting triggered by food everywhere?
Sorry on mobile, tag accordingly please!
[Intro] Hi, not exactly new to the community but made a throwaway account so I could post more.
/u/edthrowawayy123
Created: Tue May 1 19:10:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdjs8/hi_not_exactly_new_to_the_community_but_made_a/
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I recently ‘broke up’ with my best friend who was the only person I could talk to about ED related stuff and now I feel more alone than ever. My anxiety levels have risen to monumental amounts and I’m really struggling to cope. Not sure what else I should be saying in my introduction so I’ll just leave it to that. If anyone wants a buddy, please feel free to message me.
What are the health benefits, if any, of intermittent fasting?
/u/I_Love_Spiders_AMA
Created: Tue May 1 19:04:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdicd/what_are_the_health_benefits_if_any_of/
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Even though it's something I do regularly (totally not because I cave and break my attempts at full-on fasting btw /s) I've never heard of the actual benefits of it. And I know a lot of ya'll do it here, so are there positive benefits towards your health from practicing it?
I don't shower when I'm in a binge phase
/u/2fckk
Created: Tue May 1 18:58:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gdgwn/i_dont_shower_when_im_in_a_binge_phase/
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I've been in a restriction phase for about 1 week now. I went on a like....8 week binge period (triggered by "recovering"). Now I'm "recovering" by high-calorie restricting (1000-1200 cal a day of super healthy, high nutrition diet). I love this. Hair is still falling out, still a bit dizzy, but like....much more put together. Idk it's so bad to admit but....I love this.
I noticed that when I'm restricting, I reallllly enjoy body checking. I caress my collarbones, wrists, hipbones, ribcage, etc. with satisfaction. I love smoking weed and then sitting in the shower in fetal position feeling like the tiniest, daintiest, dripping wet little fairy hunched on a rose in a morning garden. Its like a little escape, a little fantasy. But.....this fantasy is NOT present when I'm binging. I avoid the shower. Why shower? I'm disgusting anyway, you know? I even forget to shower because I'm so tired and preoccupied at night that I crawl into bed and avoid all responsibilities and self-care.
Looking forward to showering tonight.
[Discussion] Does anybody else have that one food they love to throw up?
/u/feedyourcats
Created: Tue May 1 18:20:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gd879/does_anybody_else_have_that_one_food_they_love_to/
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Mine is ice cream, especially the mint kind.
Do you guys bother with vitamins/supplements during your fasts? How do you get electrolytes?
/u/lights-in-the-sky
Created: Tue May 1 18:11:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gd6be/do_you_guys_bother_with_vitaminssupplements/
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[Goal] Prom dress might not fit
/u/sadveggiehead
Created: Tue May 1 17:58:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gd3hu/prom_dress_might_not_fit/
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So I bought my dress weighing 135 and honestly it was a bit snug but it’s strapless and the last told me the tighter it is the better it stays up. Well now after only two weeks of having it I’m at 139 (142 if I’m really full or bloated) and I’m so scared it won’t fit. I think I’m going to fast the day before prom and a few other days these next two weeks. I need to get down to at LEAST 135 in two weeks in order to fit the dress. I know I can do it I’m just nervous.
[Help] I’m stuck at a plateau
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Tue May 1 17:56:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gd33h/im_stuck_at_a_plateau/
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I hate this. I started out only eating about 500-800 calories for a few months yet I didn’t lose a single pound. Now I’ve gotten worse and I’m barely eating throughout a week (I didn’t do this because I wasn’t losing weight. It just sort of happened if that makes sense).
I don’t understand. Why aren’t I losing weight? It’s so frustrating and depressing.
Anyone else obsessively watch food shows while eating?
/u/rosetriesagain
Created: Tue May 1 17:31:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gcxp9/anyone_else_obsessively_watch_food_shows_while/
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I know a lot of other people who obsess over meal planning or collecting recipes or other food-obsessed behaviors, but I've never met someone who watches as much food-related television as me. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I can't eat without GBBO on in the background. I see parallels between myself and people with porn addictions- eventually, one tab of porn isn't enough, and they have to have multiple tabs open and click between them all to get that serotonin dump. That's how I feel with food :( sometimes I have a meal in front of me, some food network show playing, while also scrolling through those stupid fucking mukbang things on instagram
[Rant/Rave] Can’t restrict without my ex
/u/wiggimal
Created: Tue May 1 17:30:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gcxbn/cant_restrict_without_my_ex/
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My ex broke up with me on April 1st during a bipolar manic episode. It got really severe after I wasn’t there to help and he was hospitalized. I was constantly restricting when we were together (he also has an eating disorder which was very triggering) but as soon as we broke up I went on a full binge cycle. My binges used to be just eating to maintenance. When we broke up I was eating around 2500 calories some days. I couldn’t stop myself.
I went and saw him in the psych hospital on Sunday. He looked like a ghost. He’s around 6’1 and probably 140 now. In late March he was 172. Nothing has ever triggered me this badly. I’ve been able to restrict since then.
I want him back in my life so badly and he wants to get back together. I want to be able to restrict and being with him helps immensely which is extremely unhealthy. Our relationship in general was unhealthy. I don’t know why I can’t do it without him but I also don’t want to withstand all of the trauma of being with him. I am at a total loss for what to do.
Do weight loss pills actually help?
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Tue May 1 17:10:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gcsf9/do_weight_loss_pills_actually_help/
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[Help] [Help] Attempting recovery, triggered by family
/u/Goodboimaaddoggo
Created: Tue May 1 17:05:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gcrdi/help_attempting_recovery_triggered_by_family/
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I've had anorexia for a few years, and have recently been attempting to get help, talking to support lines and friends about my problem but never to my family. I've also been eating at around 1200 calories a day for the past week, and 1000 the week before in an attempt to eat more and slowly get used to higher calorie intake until I reach maintenance. In reality I overestimate so much that what I report as 1000 was more around 700/800, and 1200 is usually closer to 900/1000. My mom knew I was eating very little, and I've let her know about my attempt to eat more without mentioning any ED. Today she told me I looked like I'd gained a few pounds. This just makes me want to go back to restricting. I've not broke 1200 calories, and my maintenance is 1900, so I know I shouldn't have gained weight yet. Could she just be saying that because she knows I'm attempting to eat more, or maybe her knowing I'm eating more makes it seem like I'm gaining?
I want to die... recovery is suffering but so is relapse.
/u/Egleriel
Created: Tue May 1 16:55:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gcoty/i_want_to_die_recovery_is_suffering_but_so_is/
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Hey everyone. I used to post here often under a different username but I've decided to create a new account because I am ashamed.
I went into "recovery" back in late October. I was at my lowest ever weight of 139.0lb (I'm 6'0) and I looked skinny. I looked good. I wanted to lose another 9 lbs but I began dating a guy and decided I wanted to "recover". I started seeing a doctor and psychologist. And I started Eating. All. The. Things.
I let myself legit binge on whatever I want. It's only been 6 months and I've gained 40 lbs. My boyfriend says he's proud and that I look good, but I know I don't. I have cellulite. My stomach jiggles, my thighs touch. I can't fit into jack fucking squat.
I stopped seeing my doctor and psychologist...I can feel myself slipping back into my old habits. I've started EC stacking and monitoring my calories again... My boyfriend is about to be deployed to Afghanistan for 9-15 months and he was the only thing keeping me from losing it.
I just needed to vent. Thanks for always being here you guys ❤
What do you guys mix into 0% Greek yogurt?
/u/yourealreadythere
Created: Tue May 1 16:36:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gck22/what_do_you_guys_mix_into_0_greek_yogurt/
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Looking for zero calorie mix-ins, both sweet and savory.
[Rant/Rave] Sprite is a lifesaver
/u/PainlessMe
Created: Tue May 1 16:03:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gcbze/sprite_is_a_lifesaver/
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I often get shit for drinking Zero versions of fizzy drinks, because “it doesn’t taste as good” and all that crap, so I feel pretty anxious ordering any fizzy drinks when I’m with my friends and family (also bc I used to be the kind of person that would hate on diet coke and all that).
But Sprite had this amazing idea to only make zero versions bc people couldn’t taste the difference anyway, and that is now my perfect cover for drinking zero stuff with others, because there literally isn’t an other option! My other cover is that I drink Coke Zero Lemon because they don’t have it in regular. But Sprite is like amazing anyway, and they have a new cucumber flavoured one that reminds me of cucumber infused water which I love a lot. So rn I’m chugging a 1.5L bottle of that, but hey, it’s only 18kcal💕🥒
[Rant/Rave] I BROKE MY 20 DAY PLATEAU
/u/acosed
Created: Tue May 1 15:53:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gc9ke/i_broke_my_20_day_plateau/
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guys im so fucking happy oh my god. after like three weeks of sitting at 47.9-48.3, i finally weighed in at 47.5 today. i could literally cry im so fucking happy oh my god Hold Me
My crush weighs literally 5-10lbs less than me so i feel maSsiVe
/u/yayokittenxo
Created: Tue May 1 15:47:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gc81j/my_crush_weighs_literally_510lbs_less_than_me_so/
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My crush/ex only weighs like 5-10lbs more than me and i feel really bad and insecure about it, he's 5'6 and I'm 5'3 and 118.4lbs. I can't help but feel inferior about this. I've always believed the girl should be smaller than the boy and girls should be dainty and petite in relationships. I feel like setting my goal weight a bit lower so i can be tiny compared to him. So bad i know but i feel so fucking fat when i talk to him but he doesn't care about my weight. He also caught on to my ED "i think you have this.." HE SENT ME A LINK TO A WIKIPEDIA PAGE ON ANOREXIA AND I TRIED TO KEEP IT AS SUBTLE AS POSSIBLE BUT HE KNOWS
[Help] Im in recovery, my boyfriend is going to start fasting.
/u/Jemjon
Created: Tue May 1 14:52:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gbtbr/im_in_recovery_my_boyfriend_is_going_to_start/
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Firstly, My boyfriend has always been super sweet and supportive in my recovery. He has also always talked about losing weight himself, he is about 80 pounds overweight so it makes sense for him to be able to lose weight. "good for him, not for me" I tell myself.
Its been going good and im proud of him, he has been sticking to 1,500 cal a day, which is how much I eat in recovery (already a little triggering that we eat the same amount and he is such a big guy at 6 feet tall but i try to calm my brain down, he is losing weight fast and im not so it is OK if we eat the same!)
well he just texted me he is going to start fasting. He is going to have 3 meals...a week. Guys I don't know if I can handle this. Im already starting to cry a bit at work.
We have most of our meals together, which really helps me to eat well and now im going to be having them alone. Now im going to be eating TONS more than a 6 foot 230 pound man. And im going to know he is so good at it (he already said he thinks it would be easy for him) and that I fucking sucked at fasting, I couldn't even make it one single day on water fast and im a small girl with fucking anorexia. Im going to be comparing my self worth to how long I could fast compared to my boyfriend. immediately my brain is like failure failure failure I fucking sucked at that and he could do it so easily and also i want to PROVE myself, prove that I can do it too. And he gets to have the losing weight high that I crave and have even recently cried about not being able to have. I know its all my stupid eating disorder that makes me care.
we are going to talk about it tonight and im going to show him this post to try and get my feeling across. im really scared you guys. but I dont want to let my crazy brain fuck up something that is OK for him to do, something that he wants to do for his health. ugh :(
I can't believe it.
/u/warmbagel53
Created: Tue May 1 14:50:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gbslv/i_cant_believe_it/
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I recently got a top from Brandy Melville in the mail and it's too BIG on me??? What
[Other] Moving to Europe
/u/takayl
Created: Tue May 1 14:14:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gbj3p/moving_to_europe/
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I’m moving to Scandinavia for a while in the fall and I can’t handle the fact that I’ll be the exact stereotype of an overweight American. By trying to stop purging I feel like I’ve just ended up gaining/maintaining all semester and now I’m back up to 195 at 5’10, my highest weight. There isn’t really a point to this post other than to remind myself that I can’t be fat when I move to Europe and I need to get down to at least 165 by September (lmao this means I’ll have to be 1200 daily + exercise according to losertown so let’s see if I can do that for four months). Anyway, if anyone lives in Scandinavia or has good advice for places I should visit on the weekends let me know 🙃🙃
T R I G G E R E D
/u/HonestSpeak
Created: Tue May 1 13:23:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gb49x/t_r_i_g_g_e_r_e_d/
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So my younger sister just looked at me accusingly and said "did you eat some licorice?" (There was a pack of licorice on the counter) I told her no, and she said "Okay, good. I had to check because you're always eating, like you eat a lot."
Mmmmmmmmmmfuck my fast goal went from 24 hours to 48.
Oh and yesterday my parents said they were concerned for me and I should "be aware anorexia is a thing" because they noticed that I've been getting into "fitness" (at least, that's what I tell them) more. Idk why but that also fueled me so damn hard it's crazy.
[Discussion] do yall lose losertown to check your estimated weight loss?
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Tue May 1 13:21:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gb3kp/do_yall_lose_losertown_to_check_your_estimated/
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i love looking at losertown daily and even hourly
are there any other sites that do the same thing losertown does?
Developing BED Help
/u/elizasbreath
Created: Tue May 1 13:07:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gazmv/developing_bed_help/
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How did I go from hating the thought of food to shoving my face full of it unthinkingly
I need help and I need support and doctors are not a choice right now and Im freaking the fuck out
[Help] creating a flat space/where to weigh?
/u/addyntea
Created: Tue May 1 13:07:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gazko/creating_a_flat_spacewhere_to_weigh/
---
UGH. 124.4, 126.9, then 125.8 in the span of two minutes. And my scale does auto-stabilizing bullshit to prevent this!! Losing my mind here.
My apartment only has carpet and tile, and I’ve been alternating between the two tile options to see which one is flatter—but I’ve finally accepted that neither one is gonna work for me. I literally put my scale on the kitchen table and stood on it before I realized that the table is supported by tile and probably fucked too.
Do I have to join a gym to get access to a scale? Should I bring my scale to the grocery store so I can use their nice smooth floors?? Someone please intervene because I’m a nutcase.
[Rant/Rave] Starbucks is ruining my day
/u/bearantennae8611
Created: Tue May 1 11:54:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gafba/starbucks_is_ruining_my_day/
---
I just discovered today when my husband tried to pick up my go-to drink, Venti Coffee Light Frappuccino, that they’ve apparently discontinued the light versions. I’m livid. I’ve literally lived off of these drinks for like 12 years. I look forward to them all the time, and they’re my get away. Does anyone know anything about this? Is it all Frappuccinos and skinny lattes? Does anyone have any alternative low cal drinks. The Starbucks nutritional info online is kinda spotty when I try to change some drinks to almond milk.
I’m so mad, I could scream. I don’t know how I’m going to use up my $15 on my gold card, and I don’t know what I’ll do without Starbucks in my life altogether.
[Help] Okay, sort of companion to my last post.
/u/amaranthinenightmare
Created: Tue May 1 11:46:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8gad88/okay_sort_of_companion_to_my_last_post/
---
I have an animal bite on my arm that is infected and my entire arm hurts like hell. The doctors prescribed antibiotics that I have to take twice a day with food. They’re hardcore, y’all. And I have enough troubles with feeling sick on antibiotics as it is.
Do any of you have any tips or experience with eating low calorie things that still fill you up enough that the antibiotics don’t make you sick? I can’t exercise much with this arm. Every movement sends pain up and down from my fingertips to my shoulders, it is killing me even when I’m just laying still. So my only hope to stay on track is higher restriction, which is obviously also being complicated here.
Do any of you have any experience or tips or tricks? Is this one of those things that you just have to ride out and accept you aren’t going to be on track for the duration? Any comments or help are great. I’ve got ten days and I’m wigging out.
I reached my first goal weight :'(
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Tue May 1 10:51:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g9xsm/i_reached_my_first_goal_weight/
---
I was almost 150 pounds around the time my disordered eating began. But lately I had been doing more binging, less purging and it was showing in my weight. So I got my shit together a month ago and now I'm officially 130 pounds!! I stepped on the scale today after drinking roughly ~1800 calories of alcohol yesterday and I was afraid that I hadn't gotten it all up, so the fact that I actually am 130 now surprised me a little. Onto the next 15 pounds!!
Thank you all for being with me on this.. thing, whatever we wanna call it. You guys and everyone here have shown so much support and having people understand you with what you're going through is truly wonderful. Thank you ♥
[Help] going to school
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Tue May 1 10:34:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g9t2g/going_to_school/
---
i can’t bring myself to go to my high school. ever since i relapsed into heavy restricting my anxiety has heavily increased to the point where it’s unbearable. my depression has skyrocketed. i slept from 7pm- 9:30 am. i can’t get out of bed. all i can think of is that that sleep was good for fasting. ugh. does anyone have any tips for motivation to actually go to school.
Open Nature Scandal-less Ice cream
/u/Glazed9000
Created: Tue May 1 10:17:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g9okg/open_nature_scandalless_ice_cream/
---
It's 320 calories for the whole pint and tastes like actual ice cream. $3 at my local Tom Thumb. How have I never heard or seen about this??? It's cheaper and tastes better than halotop. I'm beginning to think it's fake lolol
[Help] EC Stack?
/u/fortunate-foolx
Created: Tue May 1 10:08:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g9lxw/ec_stack/
---
Can somebody please explain exactly what it is? And can a minor acquire the things needed for it? I've heard it works wonders in controlling appetite (im tired of purging bc of binges :/ )
[Discussion] So, how old is your fake baby?
/u/KeyHeight
Created: Tue May 1 09:32:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g9bxl/so_how_old_is_your_fake_baby/
---
I’m buying baby food and snacks.
“Aww, how old is the baby?”
“Ah, she’s about a year old now...time flies...”
“And where is she today?”
“Getting a little quality time with daddy...mommy needs to get her shopping done!”
Don’t know what’s worse...eating baby food, or lying about my fake baby...
My mother's favorite unit of measure is One Half of Me.
/u/FluffyWinterCoat
Created: Tue May 1 09:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g961r/my_mothers_favorite_unit_of_measure_is_one_half/
---
Dear mother,
Since when is "½ of me" a standardized unit of measure? More importantly, why would you consistently use my size as a way of describing other women? Are you legally required to make me feel hopelessly inadequate every single time that you discuss other women with me?
"She's so *tiny*, she's half of you."
Half of me is a size incompatible with life, mom. Do you really know so many women with a BMI of 9 that are just casually going about life, not at all *dead*?
I'm still getting smaller, and while you seem to be alarmed enough to insist that I should eat more, you're not so alarmed that you'd stop describing other women as impossibly smaller than me.
How small do I have to be for me to be the unit of measure that *they're* judged by, and not vice versa?
Let's find out.
ate over my maintenance for two weeks and got to a new lowest weight. my body doesn't even make sense
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Tue May 1 09:02:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g93mq/ate_over_my_maintenance_for_two_weeks_and_got_to/
---
I should've gained 1 pound over the past 2 weeks + water weight from eating so much salt. but I'm 2 pounds lower than my lowest weight which actually makes no sense. I'm definitely not complaining but bodies are weird
DAY 1 OF A 3 DAY FAST
/u/MissMagus
Created: Tue May 1 09:01:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g9383/day_1_of_a_3_day_fast/
---
LETS DO THIS. I ate way too much this week, just started a new job at Starbucks recently and have been ravenous when I get home. Halo top has been my crutch.
Gonna have nothin but sugar free dranks and tea for the next 72 hours to make up for it. I'm moving too, so hopefully I'll be nice and distracted so I can power through it.
WISH ME LUCK 👍😚
Best way to spot treat your butt throughout the day?
/u/HowToBeAsian25
Created: Tue May 1 08:59:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g92m2/best_way_to_spot_treat_your_butt_throughout_the/
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Is there anything you do throughout the day to work your butt?
Like maybe mini squeezes while you're sitting in a chair or random squats when you're cleaning your room?
I want a minimal way to shape and tone my butt.
I have no food because I binged/purged it all
/u/cupcakeraynebowjones
Created: Tue May 1 07:32:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g8h50/i_have_no_food_because_i_bingedpurged_it_all/
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I prep cooked food for the whole week and I ate it all on monday. I snuck some of my roommates' food too.
I guess I'm fasting the rest of the week.
I live in a rural area with no car and low income so I can't replace food easily. I work a manual labor job so fasting is kind of brutal but I do it anyway...
I have eggs, oats, dried beans, if I really need some sustenance... But I already went through a week's worth of food. Making more food now would be shameful.
Old clothes
/u/ProEdComics
Created: Tue May 1 07:29:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g8g8m/old_clothes/
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https://i.redd.it/hux672llx8v01.png
[Rant/Rave] I hurt my arm and basically can’t exercise for a while.
/u/amaranthinenightmare
Created: Tue May 1 07:20:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g8ebs/i_hurt_my_arm_and_basically_cant_exercise_for_a/
---
My arm is all kinds of messed up, and I can’t even grip anything with that hand and can’t hold anything. I can’t really move it.
Which meeeansss... that basically the only exercise I can really do are squats. I can’t lift weights (unless I just want to do some on one arm, which I can’t bring myself to do because I feel all unsettled and lopsided even though I’m well aware a few days won’t do a whole lot.) and I can’t do planks, push ups, or sit ups because those all involve putting some kind of weight or strain on my arms. Can’t go to the gym and use the elliptical. I could probably manage running, but the reason I like the elliptical for cardio is because I have very bad knees and a messed up back and running always leaves me feeling like I’m 60 instead of 26.
I’m going crazy already and it’s only been a day.
Got referred to as 'chubs' today :\
/u/budqueen17
Created: Tue May 1 07:01:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g89mn/got_referred_to_as_chubs_today/
---
For eating at school, when I eat at school maybe 1-2 times a week. By a kid who always eats at school. And I'm pretty much the only kid who never eats. Thanks though, asshole.
It's been two days since the worst binge of my life and I still don't feel okay.
/u/anotheronebytesdust
Created: Tue May 1 06:27:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g821e/its_been_two_days_since_the_worst_binge_of_my/
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I have never been officially diagnosed, but I've been struggling with binge eating for most of my life. Recently, it got really bad with the new semester of school and I've been fighting to get back in control for 3-4 months. I'd been doing so well with identifying "Oh, those are binge thoughts! I don't have to listen to them!" and I was *hours* away from having my first binge free week of 2018.
And then something flipped. I had a little treat, and thought "I'm choosing to over indulge right now, this is a me thought and it is okay." and then everything went to shit. I ate all of the snack food in my house, and then I went to a gas station and bought like $25 worth of junk food. My stomach hurt so badly because of all the food I had eaten, but I just kept force feeding myself. I would take a break to let the pain subside a little bit, and then I would just keep going. I didn't even want to keep eating, but I *had* to finish. That night, I literally woke up coughing up vomit because I had eaten so much and my body was rejecting it. Usually, I can identify the binge thoughts as they're happening; even if I give in, I can at least identify what's happening. But this time was different; this time I was completely blind sided and it was so scary. It was so scary because I thought I was in control, and then all of the sudden I wasn't. Between Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning, I ate 10,000kcal and 500+g of sugar. By far, this was the worst binge of my life.
This was two days ago and I still feel like a gross, disgusting animal. I've weighted myself the past few mornings because I am my own worst enemy, and I know the weight gain is all water. I know this. But it still doesn't help. This isn't my first rodeo, but it feels so much worse than any episode before. I've never felt this hopeless and out of control before and I'm so scared I'll never be okay again.
There's really no point of this post. I just haven't told anyone about this, obviously, and I've been too much of a wimp to even write about it in my journal. So I guess this is kind of my first step towards accepting that this actually happened? I would like to move on from this, but it still doesn't feel real. It feels like a bad dream.
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday May 01, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 1 06:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g7z0v/thinspo_tuesday_may_01_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
Daily Food Diary! May 01, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue May 1 06:12:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g7yzz/daily_food_diary_may_01_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for May 01, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Face Looks Old :(
/u/laboathrow
Created: Tue May 1 06:05:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g7xjp/face_looks_old/
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I'm almost 27. I just looked in the mirror and my neck and sides of my face have loose skin from weight loss, which is pretty much just horrendous. Like I can see my cheekbones and that's cool, but It seems as i've gotten older my face gets so hollowed out and makes me look tired and old, but my thighs stay just as fat as fat as ever. Does this happen to anyone else? What do you do?
Scale Problems
/u/litlelou
Created: Tue May 1 05:52:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g7uqn/scale_problems/
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I know there are a hundred posts here about scales (aka the banes of our existence) but I’m afraid I’m going to have to contribute because I need some help. I’ve never been a scale oriented anorexic until recently. I bought a cheap (~$20) scale and have pretty much lived and died by it since then. I more or less know the fluctuations of my weight but these last few days I’ve weighed in really high. Now I’ll admit that I went through a period of hellish eating because of finals and finishing up the most stressful semester of my life so far, but I work out for about two hours every day and I wasn’t binging so the most I should be holding is some water weight that I’d assume would be gone by now.
Anyways, I was fussing around with my scale and moved it a couple of times and every time the scale reading went up and down kind of wildly. And the ground is pretty level where it is. I even checked it with an app on my phone. There’s one spot where it teeters unevenly but I avoid that spot obviously.
So now i really don’t know what weight to go by or what the hell is happening? Has anybody else had this happen to them?
[Discussion] Does anyone else feel too old for this?
/u/slutsonthelawn
Created: Tue May 1 03:54:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g79vh/does_anyone_else_feel_too_old_for_this/
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Sometimes I feel like I should've outgrown this or something. I'm 24, and I've been doing this since I was 14, and it just seems like I should just be... better by now? I don't know if I'll ever honestly be done with it though. Am I the only one?
Please tell me something to make this ok, guys
/u/sweetmarten
Created: Tue May 1 03:47:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g78v9/please_tell_me_something_to_make_this_ok_guys/
---
I've been making one hell of an effort in recovery for 3 months now. I've gained from a BMI of 17 to one of 21. I don't like how my body looks anymore, there's so much of me.
I want to eat one meal a day until I'm back to a weight where I feel pretty. I don't want osteoporosis. I want to see my skeleton again. I'm finally not anaemic anymore. I want to fit back into my tiny tiny clothes. I don't want to die. I want everyone to worry about me. I can get through a day at uni without being exhausted.
Sometimes through the bars I see a glimpse of freedom now. Someone please convince me not to fall back into the pit
Restriction tactics?
/u/atheplant
Created: Tue May 1 03:23:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g74uz/restriction_tactics/
---
I've been on a horrible binge lately but I wanna lose 20 lbs as of right now. Any restriction suggestions to make it easier? As a heads up I hate tea and I drink a lot of coke zero and diet coke and water. But even on good days I have been stuck at the same weight for months even when restricting :( not sure what to do.
[Discussion] Do you ever purge just bc of stress? [Discussion]
/u/MiauMiau1919
Created: Tue May 1 02:13:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g6ttg/do_you_ever_purge_just_bc_of_stress_discussion/
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Like, it's not really at all because of feeling fat or disgusting, or having binged, but just because you're stressed and overwhelmed?
[Help] Help with Wagamama?!
/u/stillweighting
Created: Tue May 1 01:56:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g6r8r/help_with_wagamama/
---
So I’m going for a team lunch at work and having a mini heart attack at my desk looking at the calories on the menu. I just keep imagining how much oil they use
Has anyone that’s been got any good ideas? I’m a veggie so don’t eat meat
Everything is good and I can't deal
/u/lunasouseiseki
Created: Tue May 1 01:06:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g6jui/everything_is_good_and_i_cant_deal/
---
I'm at the most stable that I have been in my whole life and it is making me so anxious. It's ridiculous. I know I sound ridiculous. I know this isn't the right sub for this, but I'm losing my mind.
I just feel like this big fraud. I keep thinking if I just fast I'll feel better and more in control. Like everything couldn't just be taken away from me in an instant. I have to have dinner tonight, but tomorrow I'm going to fast for as long as I can.
Applogy letter for the secret bulimia that broke us
/u/DahliaRose33
Created: Tue May 1 00:45:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g6gg6/applogy_letter_for_the_secret_bulimia_that_broke/
---
Dear M,
There are so many things I want to say to you, it’s hard to know where to begin. My intention is to share with you the realizations I have had since we broke up, where I’m at now, and to sincerely apologize for the things that I see now that I did wrong.
First, I’m doing well with food and my recovery. Rachel and the DBT program have been incredibly helpful and effective for me. I feel so lucky Jessica found her, and feel so fortunate because I am getting so much value, insight and progress from working with her that my parents have agreed to let me continue seeing her for as long as I need. I am so, so grateful. The recovery piece actually doesn’t feel as hard as I thought it would. Honestly, any challenges that come up related to the eating disorder pale in comparison to the devastation I felt after we broke up. I have now realized the deep wounds that surfaced in the loss of our relationship are actually a gift\- a therapeutic goldmine in getting right to the root cause of my eating disorder and the things that I need to heal in order to recover and live an effective, meaningful life.
As you can imagine, I did not take our breakup easily, or well. At all. All of my abandonment wounds were triggered through the roof and initially I couldn’t accept that the person I loved so much wasn’t willing to support me in getting well. Emotionally I started to unravel until finally it hit me like a lightning bolt that it all just had to STOP. It was ENOUGH. My grief wasn't getting any easier; it was spiraling in my mind like a hurricane and getting worse. I was at risk of turning this into my Biggest Abandonment Wound, which was only going to keep me stuck longer and that much further from really turning my life around. Up until then I had been holding on so tight to the \(victim\) narrative that you abandoned me when I needed you most. I have chosen to let that version of the story go. I see now that you made the healthy and necessary choice for us both, and I know it was not easy for you.
In DBT we focus a lot on radical acceptance of what is. That accepting reality doesn’t mean liking reality, and rejecting reality doesn’t change it. That suffering is caused by pain \+ non\-acceptance of that pain. At first I was suffering unbearably with the devastation that the person I loved, trusted and counted most wouldn’t be there for me in most vulnerable time of early recovery. Eventually I learned skills to start moving into acceptance by giving room for that sadness, disappointment and grief to be there without trying to deny or push it away. I started rehearsing in my mind what I would do if I accepted what felt unacceptable. I realized that I would go on. I would continue working on myself. I would recover, keep working on these skills to live effectively, and would build a life worth living. I had to start validating the painful reality so I could start dealing with it instead of denying it and continuing to suffer. Once I got out of denial, I was able to start looking at what actually happened with us more realistically, instead of only from a place of wounded self\-preservation, victimhood, and ego.
The first big epiphany was that what I did was wrong. Not telling you about my bulimia was *wrong*. I see that clear as day now, and I am truly sorry. At the time I was so deep in denial that I even had a real problem that the idea of telling you was unimaginable. I worked very hard at convincing myself it was a non\-issue, and to consider the possibility of revealing it to you would risk legitimizing it as an actual problem that might need to be addressed. Impossible. And yet, you said this once and you were right\- there was a little part of me buried deep, deep down that knew if I told you, you might not stay. I loved you so much and was truly the happiest I had ever been. We became my greatest source of happiness, identity and self\-worth. I had so little of my own that I would do anything to protect and preserve us at all costs\- including pretending a major dysfunctional part of me didn’t exist. This was entirely unfair to you and your right to make your own choices about what you are and are not willing to accept in a relationship. I believed I could never recover, and that no one could ever accept me if they knew, so I rationalized that I had no choice that the eating disorder needed to stay hidden at any cost. When ultimately you did leave after finding out, it reaffirmed that belief that no one would ever accept me or stay if the eating disorder came out, so initially I felt justified that I hadn’t told you. My worst fear DID come true, so clearly I was right in keeping it a secret. I blamed my foolishness for ever writing those damn journal entries \(as if *that* were the real issue!\) I was so attached to my story of being the victim in you deciding to leave that I couldn’t see that you should have had the right to make that choice all along. I am sorry. None of it came from a place of malicious intent, but rather a place of subconscious fear and the hurts of unmet childhood needs. And, my deep seeded fears of being unlovable and disposable do not make what I did acceptable. Nothing does. I tried to control you and the outcome of our relationship by hiding a significant part of myself from you, and it WAS a major betrayal. Your resentment was completely justified. I wanted the fact that my intentions weren’t malicious to be enough for you to not feel angry. In that, I tried to control and diminish your reasonable reaction and feelings by insisting my good intentions made it okay. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to see these huge wrongs sooner and validate your anger before, when we were still together and you shared your feelings about this with me. I didn’t give you the freedom to feel and express your feelings, because I wasn’t able to consider that maybe I was in the wrong. I’m sure that only compounded your resentment even more, and probably made you feel like the woman you thought you loved didn’t really know you at all if she didn’t understand this. Now that my defenses are down I completely see where you were coming from on this, and that you were right about all of it.
When things were unraveling with us you asked me why it was so hard for me to let go. I really believed in my core it was because I loved you! But the truth is, I felt I *needed* you. You and our relationship were my sun and my moon and my stars, and I felt like without us there was nothing left. Without my primary source of validation, security and love, what was the point? Our relationship had, for the first time in my life, given me a sense of purpose and meaning. In taking it away I felt like I lost the only things that gave me a sense of value. You kept saying I needed to recover for me, not you or us. I believed that if I could just get into recovery, I could still save us. But I realize now it is so much bigger than that. I needed to find a reason within me that was worth fighting for that had absolutely NOTHING to do with you or us. I needed to love myself enough to be willing to fight for my life even if you weren’t going to be in it. I need to be able to completely take care of myself and be secure on my own. During the Beg and Plead phase, I told you how I was doing well with food and that I was getting some real traction in recovery, so I didn’t understand why you were still leaving. I thought I was doing exactly what you wanted and we needed! You said you didn’t really even believe that I was actually doing well. I was so hurt by that, because I *was* doing well, and I was so proud of that! I wanted you to be so proud of me too! I wanted to share these successes with you, wanted to share this journey with you, wanted to heal and grow together in the process! Why were you pulling away instead of being my rock and my cheerleader along with me in this? I asked you if you seriously thought I was *lying* to you about doing so well and you shouted, “I don’t know!” You said you didn’t want to think that, but admitted that you thought I might be lying, because I’d lied for so long about having the disorder. That and I had become so desperate to hold onto us that I might still be lying about how I was doing to try and keep you. I thought that was a horribly unkind and off\-base thing to say, but you actually made a very fair point. And the reality was that yes, I really was doing well with food, but if I *had* been struggling I certainly wouldn’t have felt safe talking to you about it, because I felt like you didn’t support or believe in my ability to get better at all. I felt like you were food policing and judging everything I did or didn’t do with my food, which you were, because you rightfully didn’t know if you could believe me when I said I was doing well. I wanted so much to feel safe talking to you about what I was going through, but I didn’t feel safe at all because you seemed so critical. You being suspicious and distrusting about how I was really doing with food was my own creation, because I was the one that had lied to you about the problem existing in the first place. You hated that you had to question me, but at the same time couldn’t trust me, and that was my own doing. It was lose\-lose.
You kept bringing up how you were struggling with resentment and trying to manage that, but that it was hard. I denied your experience by trying to insist we could rebuild trust and get through that if you just leaned in and were willing to really try and heal together as the Team we claimed to be. But the trust was broken, so how could you possibly feel safe leaning into me anymore? Especially when I couldn’t even take any accountability or ownership whatsoever for the damage I had done. Maybe we could have healed and rebuilt trust if I had been able to stop being the victim, stop making it all about me and my feelings and needs and actually take responsibility for my \(now exposed as an overflowing garbage dump filled\) side of the street. Without that, we didn’t stand a chance at rebuilding. My expectation for you to start trying to get past your resentments without me having to first acknowledge their validity was selfish and unreasonable.
I wanted so much to be Family with you and J. For a euphoric, wonderful while there we had what felt like something like it\- but you’re right, it wasn’t ever *fully* real, because in withholding my biggest secret you never knew all parts of me. In that way, the person you thought was showing up wasn’t entirely who you thought she was. When you would say this, it really hurt\- like I was some kind of evil imposter! I wasn’t a fake person! No, I wasn’t evil, and all of what you did see of me was real and authentic, but the fact there was another piece kept hidden away left a portion of the person you thought you knew unaccounted for. In that way, I was falsely representing myself. I actually was a kind of imposter. I wanted so much for us to be Family, and it was me who made achieving that impossible.
You brought up that we *both* needed to work on becoming less co\-dependent, and that our codependency wasn’t one\-sided or created in a vacuum. At the time I was confused by that, because if you were co\-dependent too, then why were you leaving? Wouldn’t the co\-dependent partner be the one trying desperately to save the relationship at all costs \(ehem, not that I wanted to acknowledge it, but you know…. like *I* was doing?\) You expressed that you needed to not let how I was doing or feeling in recovery affect you so much, and not feel as responsible as you did for how I was doing. That it was not healthy that my emotional state at any given time was the baseline for how you felt on a daily basis. I think you realized that day in December in NY when you saw my slip just how much responsibility you were taking on for whether or not I was doing well, and how unhealthy that pressure was for you. I undermined your feelings and experience by reminding you that how I was doing in recovery wasn't your responsibility. Well, yeah, we know that is the logical truth but that isn’t how you felt, and if anyone could empathize with logic not lining up with emotions it should be me. I'm sorry. I wasn't hearing your needs on this because I wasn't willing to acknowledge what was becoming increasingly evident\- that we needed some time and space apart to get a handle on our own individual issues.
When we broke up I got angry with you, accusing you of leading me on when you initially said we could stay together after I moved out. Looking back I think you probably had hoped that being in separate living spaces would help me start to become less dependent on you. That maybe we could start untangling our codependency, start becoming separate and healthy individuals, and still be together more casually as we independently worked on ourselves. Instead, I doubled down on my desperation because I sensed I was losing you. I was so afraid of being abandoned I tried to grasp on stronger and tighter and began the final \(Ultimate Victim\) Beg and Plead phase. I think you finally broke it off when you did because it became clear that in my desperation not to lose you I couldn’t even see the need to build an identity outside of you, let alone get into recovery for myself or make that priority over us. You were sweet to say my refusal to let go at any cost was flattering, but really it was sad and demoralizing. Anyone in a relationship has the right to walk away at any time for any reason, and while of course I knew that logically, emotionally I just couldn’t accept that it was happening to *me* \(victim\). I had no right to keep trying to convince you to stay once you made it clear you wanted to go your own direction. That was me still trying to control the outcome and avoid pain by pushing my needs and feelings to the front, even though it meant eclipsing YOUR needs and wants. I love you and you were supposed to be my partner and my equal. Your feelings and needs matter just as much as mine do, but that is not how I behaved, and that is never okay.
The day we broke up when you said you needed to focus on your own happiness and self\-care without me I couldn’t understand why we couldn’t just be a Team and help each other grow and meet our goals together. As your Teammate, that was my job! I love you, so if you are hurting, I want to be there for you and help you! I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t let me be there to support you in what you needed. The thing is, you *were* telling me what you needed, which was time and space away from me to recalibrate, and I refused to accept that. What I heard instead was that my love wasn’t enough to heal your pain. And of course it wasn’t, because it’s not love’s job to fix anyone. It can’t do that; it never could and never will. And making independent self\-care a priority is never a betrayal of someone else. If it feels that way, things are out of balance and there is a problem. I wanted so badly to be what you needed that ironically I became what you couldn’t accept. And as incredibly hard as this part has been to acknowledge and accept, the truth is that we were\* neve\*r truly Teammates, because I never fully let you in. I hid the ugliest part of myself from you, and in doing that I never fully showed up for you or us with all of me. That isn’t how real, authentic love is made. I loved you the best and only way I that knew how, not knowing I was so limited in what I really had to give. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
Clearly, I still have a whole FUCKTON of work on myself to do. I am seeing how it wasn't just the bulimia I was in denial of, it was every part of myself that I didn't like or want to own. I have to stop denying those things and really look at what I’ve been too afraid to admit about myself. Awareness of these things is only the beginning\- the real work comes now in building experience in doing life completely differently and staying mindful of old patterns creeping in. It is going to be a long process, ongoing for the rest of my life really, and I am committed to it wholly. For the first time in my life, I have real faith that there is life ahead for me that is bulimia\-free. A life without self\-hatred, self\-abandonment, and self\-abuse. A life where I love, trust, honor and forgive myself. One where I am fully present and showing up, even when it hurts or is hard. A life where I am my own abundant and reliable source of happiness and self\-worth. A life where I am truly Conscious and Awake. I am doing it! And it is so, so exciting.
I have come to believe that the reason you came into my life was to lead me to this path I am currently on. For that, I sincerely thank you. I don’t know that I would have ever gotten into recovery or started this overhaul of personal growth if our journey didn’t unravel just like it did. It didn’t turn out as I had hoped, but maybe the future yet unknown is even better. I have faith that with continued effort and awareness life will become more rewarding for us both, in whatever shape that takes. And isn’t that kind of what life is all about? Growing, evolving, learning, improving. I am sad that we are over, but reflecting on our relationship is teaching me so many crucial lessons about life and love. I hope you are able to glean our relationship for some inner gold and valuable life lessons, too.
I miss our silly bird calls, your belly laugh, your smell, our swaying hugs, your presence in my life. I miss so many things both big and small. I hope you are getting back on your feet and into your groove again. I hold no blame or anger toward you. You made all the right calls and you handled yourself with loving kindness, grace, and class every difficult step of the way. I might have gotten my heart broken, but I also know that I was loved. Ultimately, the experience of my suffering was both inevitable and necessary in order for me to truly grow. There are so many things I wish I could go back and do differently with us, though I know focusing on that doesn’t do any real good. All I can do is focus on changing and healing, to be and do better the next time around. Never will I let what happened to us happen again. There is a part of me that still hopes that you would be open to trying again at some point, someday. That you would be willing to recognize all the hard and dedicated work I have put into changing and be open to give us another try from a healthy, more viable and balanced place. They say that for relationships to work again the broken parts must first be changed. I am doing that work. I know you of course can’t promise anything, I am just wondering if the door is open even a crack to me in that way. If you know that there is no chance whatsoever for reconciliation at any point ever, no matter how much I improve and recover and grow, I would at least like to know that. I know that even if your door *is* open a crack to a possible reconciliation someday, it cannot be my primary focus and reason, and I won’t let it be. The rest has to, and will continue to, come first. Where I need to stay is right here in the now, tending only to today. There is time. The road is long, and as you said, whatever is meant to be, will be.
In love and gratitude,
D
PS \- You said on my birthday that 33 was going to be a very special year of unimaginable change and personal growth for me. I had no idea then what I was in for, but gosh you sure did call it. :\)
On hitting rock bottom and finding meaning in loss
/u/DahliaRose33
Created: Tue May 1 00:35:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g6etc/on_hitting_rock_bottom_and_finding_meaning_in_loss/
---
You said you thought maybe I still needed to find my rock bottom. I couldnt imagine my eating disorder being able to get any worse than it had been. Surely I had gotten to the bottom with that, so I didnt understand what could possibly be my rock bottom if I hadnt already hit it. It turns out that hitting my actual rock bottom wasnt about the food directly, it was not about the frequency of binging and purging like I thought. It was about how my unhealed childhood wounds and self-destructive relationship with food led me to make poor choices that resulted in losing you, the incredible man and relationship I very much wanted and loved.
Before hitting that rock bottom, I was trying to recover for you, for us. You said that wasnt enough, and I knew you were right. I didnt know where or how to find the drive inside of myself to do the hard work for me until I landed at rock bottom having lost you. It was in that despair that I realized I was not willing to let this ever happen again. **Ever**. My eating disorder has robbed me of SO MUCH in my life, but this was the loss that crossed the line and tipped the scale as an unbearable and unacceptable cost. My bulimia had been my coping mechanism and closest companion for 20 years, but was not worth losing my first real love. We had a great, happy, beautiful relationship that I valued so very much, and my eating disorder destroyed it. I was the happiest I had ever been and I lost it because I had never truly had it in me to fight for the quality of my life and do the work of recovery years ago (like I let you believe I had when we first started out). Even though at times I had wanted recovery before, I wasn't ever truly ready to let go; I hadnt hit true bottom yet. Losing you as a consequence of my eating disorder has lit fury and fire under my feet to do whatever it takes to fully recover so never again will I be in this place. I hope to experience Big Love again someday, only this time fully showing up authentically and transparently, without any secrets.
In at last becoming truly willing, as I started taking complete and full responsibility for myself- no more excuses or self-victimizing of any kind- I have been able to start really shifting the destructive thinking patterns/behaviors. I have started having real success in letting go of the addict behaviors in favor of ones more effective in getting the life I really want. The more success I am having in that, the more willing I have become, and it's become a rewarding feedback loop of positive momentum. But I had to first be willing and desperate enough to take the risk in doing things completely differently than I ever had, despite the overwhelming fears. I had always been more attached to my addiction than I could get myself to be to the hope that things could ever actually be different, or better. I clung to the comfort of what I knew because the unknown still felt too dangerous, despite all those who had gone before me and insisted it was worth it from the other side. I was never ready to make that blind leap of faith until I landed in the raw and painful place of **NEVER AGAIN**.
I will never be the same. I am turning my life around and I am never going back. I **will** have a meaningful life full of love, joy, integrity, and peace. I hope that in recognizing my dedication, drive, and real efforts in making lasting changes you will be open to giving us another chance, in time. I would like the oppprtunity to love you from a healthy, balanced place of true self exposure and vulnerability, of want vs. need, and showing up for you with all of me as you always deserved. If you are unable to be open to that, I will be sad, but okay. I will accept and respect your needs, and wish you well on your continued path. I will be at peace knowing that I got the life lessons I really needed from us, and accept that you being closed to continuing the journey with me means that this was where we were always meant to end. I will forever reflect back on our relationship only with immense gratitude for being the stepping stone in getting me to the place where I was finally willing to do everything it takes to get well, for **me**. You have been my greatest love, and also my rock bottom. You were my turning point, and that is the greatest gift anyone could have ever given me. For that, I send you my deepest thanks, for always.
Be well.
All my love,
D
[Tip] PSA: Leave yo ass ALONE!
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Tue May 1 00:33:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g6ehl/psa_leave_yo_ass_alone/
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Ok, so on a prominent Pro-Ana site there was a lot of...butt stuff going on.
One personate their shit, another wanted to do a bleach enema, another stuck a pencil and soap up their ass.
I just thought I would give everyone here some advice like I gave them on the site: LEAVE YO FUCKING ASS ALONE!
That is all fam.
Spent 10 days eating crap and didn't gain?
/u/pinkmonacle
Created: Tue May 1 00:29:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g6dya/spent_10_days_eating_crap_and_didnt_gain/
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Yet here I am back from holidays still terrified to eat like a normal person should. Finally acknowledged with my psychotherapist that I'm having issues with body image and food. I so want to delete MFP but I feel like I'll lose all control if I do :( Does anyone here keep a written food diary? Do you find it's less stressful than logging on MFP. Just feel like i'm spending so much time on that damn app trying to precisely guess every little thing I eat I hate using it but I love seeing the "if everyday were like today you would lose X in 5 weeks"...
[Rant/Rave] [RANT] pre-period bingeing again
/u/69plasticflowers
Created: Mon Apr 30 23:04:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g5zq1/rant_preperiod_bingeing_again/
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(menstruation content warning)
so i realized the reason i’ve been bloated & bingeing the last couple days is probably because my period is supposed to start as soon as tomorrow. so pissed at myself that i never realize i’m binge cycling until i’ve done at least two days’ damage. tomorrow i’m going back on hydroxycut and pumping my water intake back up to 6L. hopefully that’ll snap me out of it. i was supposed to lose weight this week, but i already ate my entire week’s calories in two short days. and i’ve bloated up a whole dress size! i hate my period. i want it to go away.
[Rant/Rave] I'm so lonely I feel like my chest is hollow
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Mon Apr 30 23:00:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g5yyj/im_so_lonely_i_feel_like_my_chest_is_hollow/
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I recently cut off my friend who also has an eating disorder because I found out he was actually abusive towards his bf (and me, I guess, but I didn't actually care about that).
It's so isolating not having anyone to talk to about my eating disorder who won't get horrified at the mention of it. I feel so alone in this fucking hell and I hate it, I miss him
I want to message him
DEA play cooking games on their phone to take their mind off real food?
/u/tjking333
Created: Mon Apr 30 22:38:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g5v0c/dea_play_cooking_games_on_their_phone_to_take/
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I absolutely do this and I know it's weird, I just hope I'm not alone. 😁
[Rant/Rave] anyone else like.. not care about anything
/u/nchlaz
Created: Mon Apr 30 22:29:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g5tgv/anyone_else_like_not_care_about_anything/
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I feel so disconnected from everything. Friends, family, career, even my ed. I only eat 500 calories a day but I’ve just grown so accustomed to it like it doesn’t feel like a big deal for me. I’m not saying that like it’s easy or to diminish anyone’s struggle with losing weight I just mean.. I’m not really working towards anything because I know at my ugw I’ll still hate my body and I’ll still be unattractive, it’ll just be in different ways. My ass is a pancake already and I have cuts all over my torso. No ones gonna want this. It’s just something I do at this point?? Like life is just me on autopilot, struggling to make even the most basic of meaningful connections with people. Ugh I think this is just depression and what it feels like being ready to give up with everything. I’m already in therapy and I’m on antidepressants I’m just in such a rut.. sorry everyone
[Rant/Rave] Stayed under 1k calories.. till I got home from the gym
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Mon Apr 30 21:59:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g5nme/stayed_under_1k_calories_till_i_got_home_from_the/
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Fuck my boyfriend for making me food and I have no desire to eat it. Every time he gets on my nerves I lose my appetite which is often 🙃
I am repulsed
/u/takethisedandshoveit
Created: Mon Apr 30 21:48:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g5lgz/i_am_repulsed/
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I had a total of 400 calories today. I have exactly 60 cals left for today (my goal on myfitnesspal) so I thought I'd have a pear. Thing is, I can't bring myself to put it in my mouth. I feel gross, like I shouldn't be doing this. It makes me want to puke. I keep staring at it but I can't bring myself to actually eat it. Might have to do with the fact that I purged some of the dinner I had a few hours ago but idk. Pear isn't a fear food of mine (at least that I know of) so why is this happening?
Calorie counting + weigh-in Android app that doesn't ban or warn you?
/u/onegoalfullcontrol
Created: Mon Apr 30 21:46:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g5kxl/calorie_counting_weighin_android_app_that_doesnt/
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Hi, I'm looking for an app that doesn't tell you above a certain number of calories. I have an android. thanks \<3 :D
*Discussion* Water pills.
/u/cbunni666
Created: Mon Apr 30 21:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g5jyb/discussion_water_pills/
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Does anyone use water pills? I was curious if they worked or which ones to use. Sorry. Not sure how to flair on here.
Adderall and Europe?
/u/zippidy_zipoo
Created: Mon Apr 30 21:39:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g5jmw/adderall_and_europe/
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Any of you traveled with the stuff there? Going for school, having a hard time finding laws pertaining to the different countries.
Maybe we can clear up some misconceptions?
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Mon Apr 30 20:57:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g5aqn/maybe_we_can_clear_up_some_misconceptions/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/8g4q0o/what_is_it_like_to_have_an_eating_disorder_and/
Binged and I think I gave myself food poisoning
/u/alexoran
Created: Mon Apr 30 20:54:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g5a43/binged_and_i_think_i_gave_myself_food_poisoning/
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Throwaway because I'm embarrassed.
My roommate had already gone to work by the time I got up. There was a container of leftovers from the day before on the counter, and I figured they'd heated some up for breakfast and forgotten to put the rest away- meaning it would have been out for maybe an hour.
I wasn't working today and no other plans so obviously the best thing to do was binge. Binged on some of the leftovers too. So that was that, I felt like shit about myself but went on with my day.
Turns out I'm pretty sure they took it out last night- meaning it's been out since then. I'm hoping it's just from the bping and it doesn't get any worse, but I'm feeling kind of sick.
The worst part is, this should make me stop or at least put me off bping for a while, but I know it won't. Hell, right now I'm tempted to bp again because it might be even easier to purge. At least I might not gain weight from today. I can't help but I feel like I deserve it for having such low self control.
I don't know wtf would make me stop at this point.
[Rant/Rave] I just had the worst binge ever.
/u/kaitlynethomas8
Created: Mon Apr 30 20:28:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g54cs/i_just_had_the_worst_binge_ever/
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So I just finished the worst binge I ever had before and I feel like an absolute piece of shit. I’m so depressed over this. I feel like time is going by so slow now and my body will never digest this food. Fml
[Help] How do I help a friend with anorexia?
/u/lewry_spring
Created: Mon Apr 30 20:21:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g52wt/how_do_i_help_a_friend_with_anorexia/
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Hello everyone!
Tl;dr: I want to help a female friend who has anorexia, she's 25 and will finish college this year. I've had some eating problems, but nothing as serious as her, and it was bulimia. We are not close friends, but have some intimacy. She doesn't think she is sick or need help, and it doesn't looks like she is getting any better soon by her own, and I can't sit down and watch her suffer and do nothing about it.
Long story: I will explain a little about myself and how I met this friend, because it may be useful to understand the situation and to help me approach this topic and help her. I will try to be concise:
About me:
- I have OCD, I've been taking antidepressants for about a year now and it helped a lot not only with my OCD symptoms, but also with depression and other anxiety related problems, such as bulimia. My bulimia was never serious as other people from TV, I could and would eat healthy food and keep it in my stomach, it would only trigger when eating non-healthy food. Sometimes I would eat a whole box of chocolate and puke right after. It was really hard to control the eager to eat one chocolate after another, but it wasn't hard to not throw up after it, I could think straight, I clearly knew it wasn't good and that I shouldn't do it, but throwing up would make me feel a lot better than just having that inside me. I don't know exactly how to explain it, I'm not stupid, I was capable of seeing my weight and I knew I was the lightest adult male I know, I could see my bones in the mirror, but I just couldn't feel comfortable with my own body. I still struggle a little with it, but I'm a lot more in control now.
Anyway, bulimia is a lot different from anorexia. I don't know how people with severe anorexia feel about themselves. I don't know how they are capable of not eating, my problem is exactly the opposite, and as naive as I was, I admired the force of will of those who could simply not eat.
About my friend:
- I met her for the first time at my third year in college, she was studying abroad and when she came back we started to attend to several classes together. We haven't really talked more than a good morning and had one or another conversation when hanging out with more people from our class. I had a light crush on her, as she seems to be a nice girl, but never committed because a friend of mine was hitting on her. One year and a half later, she told a common friend of us (close friend of mine, just a class friend of her) that she had been interested in me for the whole time since she got back, then he told me and we started to hang out for a very short time (something like two weeks). From my point of view we had a nice chemistry, but against my first impressions, we didn't match a lot. I was the one who got a kick in the butt btw, I really liked her, but there was a lot of things happening by the time and it just didn't work out. From that time on, we only talked a few times, we still have some common classes, but we rarely talk, I text her sometimes just to know if she is okay, what she is doing, etc. I didn't gave much attention to the signals of anorexia at the time because she tried to look like a "normal eating person" when we were together, and as I had suffered for eating disorders (bulimia), I actually admired her strong will for not eating (I know how that sounds retarded now). I only started to worry about her healthy some months later, as her illness became a lot more evident.
She has a lot of classmates-friends, some of them are mine as well, but that's the kind of friend that you interact daily, talk about Marvel movies and drink at parties, but not the truly kind of friend that you feel comfortable to talk about your feelings. She is very closed and doesn't talk about her personal stuff with anyone I know. Still, I tried to talk with some of the closest friends of her and they said that they have noted that she was getting worse and we started to think about what we could do to help her, we even created a WhatsApp group to discuss our next moves (lol).
Sadly, every time someone talks with her about her diet, she gets pissed and pushes the person away. We tried contacting her family, but they don't seem to care much and didn't gave us any feedback (they literally saw the messages and didn't care enough to reply a single word or emoji). Then, some months ago, I decided it was my time to talk to her directly, and she didn't get pissed with me, but she denied that she had anorexia, she said she was not even thin, and that she didn't thought that psychotherapy could be of any help. She also told me that she was a little scared of this kind of medication because a old friend of her got really bad after taking some for panic disorder meds. After it, I didn't know what to do, and waited to see if something would change, but she only got worse. Currently, she occupies most of her free time with exercises while eating the least possible.
So... why am I here?
- The thing is, I don't want some generic wikihow article about eating disorder. I want to hear people who actually suffers from anorexia to be able to understand better how she feels and truly help her, not just give some random advices. I know I'm not a doctor, I'm not able to diagnose it, but I want to at least help her look for help. I struggled with OCD for my entire life and nothing people ever told me was ever useful. Usually I would be attacked about how strange, insane and idiot I was, and I only got treated when I realized myself that I was sick and that maybe I could be less miserable if I looked for help. /r/OCD played a big part on it, reading other people stories made me feel a lot less lonely and helped me decide to get help. So here I am at reddit again, and to be sincere, I am way more happy now. I used to think that taking meds would be a fake happiness, that I wouldn't be myself, but the truth is that even though I'm still fighting for it, now I can be the person I am truly am and go after the person I really wish to be, and I really want to help people around me who struggles with similar problems to overcome it too, specially related to anxiety, because I can relate a lot more to their pain.
Sorry for the long text and grammar mistakes, I needed a translator for some terms like the disorders names, but I think you'll be able to understand it. Thanks.
[Rant/Rave] hahahaha it’s binge week again
/u/1caru3
Created: Mon Apr 30 19:31:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g4r2a/hahahaha_its_binge_week_again/
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hahahahaha please, kill me!
i’ve been binging (3000kcal+) for like the last four days (my TDEE is like, 1400) so obviously i’ve gained a fuckton of weight. in FOUR DAYS i’ve gone from 114.5 to 120.3. I never thought i’d be above 120 again and i just want to cry and never eat again
which is literally impossible for me because my parents are always harping on me to eat and that means POOF! fast over
but yiKes.... maybe this can be a wakeup call for me? to snap the hell out of it?? ugh, whatever. i just needed to rant i’m sorry
tl;dr i’m a fat piece of shit who gained 6 pounds in 4 days
“You’ve put on weight!”
/u/dreamofbones
Created: Mon Apr 30 19:16:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g4nil/youve_put_on_weight/
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As said by my grandma.
“Ohhh I better put the biscuits away.”
I’ve put on weight due to the anti-depressant medicine I’ve been on since September. It’s caused me to gain 2 stone. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. I’m 5ft9 and currently 185lbs. Lowest weight has been around 140lbs, and that was a few years ago.
I’ve been so paranoid and feeling worse about myself. My boyfriend has actually said he’d love me more if I lost a couple of inches around my waist. My co-workers have noticed and made comments. Some of my friends have made comments too.
I’ve been hitting the gym and won’t leave till I burn at least 1,000 calories. I’ve already noticed a difference in my body but what my grandma said today totally threw me. I don’t want anyone to see me till I’m skinny, but I know that’s not possible.
My boyfriend doesn’t help matters. He snacks in bed and wants to drink sugary sodas over diet ones. Moans when I want to eat just vegetables for meals. But then makes comments about my weight. The other night I was purging in the bathroom and he wasn’t even remotely bothered.
I need to lose this weight and be happy. Can anyone give me any advice?
[Discussion] School and EDs
/u/kingarthersixties
Created: Mon Apr 30 19:10:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g4m41/school_and_eds/
---
I'm going to college next year and I wanted to hear: How do you guys deal with your ED and school? Did/does it affect your grades at all?
Sorry this is so short, just wanted to hear from everyone.
[Discussion] DAE go socializing just to burn more calories?
/u/luluAita
Created: Mon Apr 30 19:06:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g4l8y/dae_go_socializing_just_to_burn_more_calories/
---
I don’t feel like going out at all. I love my friends and they are great, but I’m just feeling too ugly and fat to do anything but restrict. I just realized that the only way that I motivate myself to go out and be with friends and dates is thinking that if I go I will be burning more calories than I would if I stayed at home. Then I will be at the event and totally afraid of consuming anything. Fml.
Does anyone feel the same?
[Discussion] DAE feel like they have superhuman scent when they’re restricting?
/u/peytonr2724
Created: Mon Apr 30 19:00:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g4jpe/dae_feel_like_they_have_superhuman_scent_when/
---
I don’t know if this is a casual thing everyone goes through, but I’ve noticed that when I’m restricting real hard my scent feels like it turns up a few notches.
Like, today, a few of my friends and I were out for lunch and he had this huge chicken sandwich - and I could smell the spicy mustard from across the table. I didn’t even know the sandwich came with it, I just smelt it. When I asked if my friends could smell it too they said they couldn’t at all and thought I was going insane.
I just feel like scent (especially for food) is turned up a notch in general. Anyone else get this?
I've never felt this bad
/u/condensedgoop
Created: Mon Apr 30 18:55:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g4iov/ive_never_felt_this_bad/
---
I don't know what's happening. Even at my longest fasts and vitamin deficiancies I've never felt quite like this.
I'm so shakey. I just had a large iced tea and I feel like I'm fighting to keep it down. My muscles feel weak and I feel like I'm going to fall out of my chair in this Dunkin' Donuts. My fingernails are a normal color, but my toenails are a dead-looking blue/grey tint. My head hurts. My stomach feels so sensitive.
I'm not positive what I've eaten these past few days. Some combination of plain popcorn, Captain Crunch with almond milk, and a family size bag of salt and vinegar potato chips, I think. I had 3 bowls of cereal today and half of the bag of chips and then proceeded to purge all of it. It was my longest and roughest purge I've ever had, given that I never used to binge/purge until these past few months.
I feel almost like my body is ready to give out on me. I've been sick with stomach flu and an allergic reaction these past few weeks and I know I should be eating better but the numbers on the scale are ruining me.
I don't even know what kind of help I'm asking for. Someone to relate? Support? Advice on lowcal vegan food at Dunkin Donuts? Am I just horribly dehydrated?
I don't know what it is, but I'm scared. Thanks for listening.
Been struggling with anorexia since I was a teenager
/u/twinflame2twinflame
Created: Mon Apr 30 18:54:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g4ic1/been_struggling_with_anorexia_since_i_was_a/
---
Hi everyone I'm new here and I have been struggling with anorexia since I was a teenager I've never been to the hospital or gotten treatment for it. I'm not ready to get better. I just don't ever see myself at a healthy weight. I like how I only eat once a day. I apologize if this offends or upsets anyone but this is how I feel.
Sometimes I wish I had a buddy in the area
/u/Uppity-Kitten
Created: Mon Apr 30 18:49:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g4han/sometimes_i_wish_i_had_a_buddy_in_the_area/
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[removed]
Struggling, sorry. :(
/u/scribbledoll
Created: Mon Apr 30 17:54:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g4405/struggling_sorry/
---
I'm really struggling and today was very bad. I binged and it was bad. But, I told myself that tomorrow is a new day, I would do better tomorrow. It's the last week of classes, and I kinda am a bit more lenient with myself during last weeks of classes because I need to focus on doing well in class. (I'd also gone down to ~135, but then gained and IDK how much I weigh since when I weighed myself it was after eating heavy foods)
So I was snacking on some crackers and my roommate is heading off to dinner. I didn't want to go because of the lettuce recall thing and all I really eat at the diner is salad (I really like salad and am quite picky lol). My roommate is like "I'm going to dinner, but you're not going to go because you ate too much?" which is a reason why I would skip dinner, I had too big a lunch and didn't feel like eating. I kinda just smiled and nodded and then she sees the cracker in my hand and she's like, "...even though you're still eating." I just smiled and nodded because I had to do something to get her outta the room before I screamed and cried. "It's okay," she said, "sometimes snacks are better than full meals" and then she left.
I went to the bathroom for about 20 minutes trying to puke. I didn't manage it, but I was crying and kept gagging. I gave up when I heard people outside the dorm bathroom and just hurried back to the room.
I'm just not gonna eat tomorrow. I hate myself. I don't know if I have an eating disorder exactly, but I feel like I'm still at the edge of a slippery slope and comments like that aren't helping. She was on her way back in when I left to take a short walk to call my friend. It's been about an hour and she hasn't said anything to me. I bet she said it on purpose.
Whatever. Not gonna eat tomorrow. Joke will be on her when next semester rolls around and I'm thinner than her. This is going to be MY summer. Gonna eat oranges, grapes, salad, rice cakes and occassionally ramen and pizza and fill up on pepsi/coke zero and water.
No food tomorrow. I hate her, I wish she would leave me alone!!!! Why would you say that to someone!? She goes on and on about how much of a wonderful, kind, understanding, "like a miracle worker" (her exact words, not mine!), she is...
I'm so upset. I should tell her but I don't care enough about her to say anything. Especially since she doesn't care either, so why should I open up and give her MORE ammunition to use to hurt me with!?
Just two more weeks of her.... that's all....then another semester.... but after that, I won't be stupid. I will get a different roommate. I'll be thinner too!! I'll try to just restrict and not binge and I'll try to not try to puke again!!! :( I'm really scared of how close I was to trying to puke.... I'm scared. I hate myself. If I wasn't fat then I wouldn't be in this situation. This is all my fault. I hate myself most.
[Help] I’d rather risk getting arrested in a foreign country than gain weight
/u/littlestpeach
Created: Mon Apr 30 17:44:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g41oj/id_rather_risk_getting_arrested_in_a_foreign/
---
In one week, my family and I are going on a 3 week long trip to Dubai, Jordan, Hong Kong and South Africa. I’m fucking terrified of going because every vacation we go on, I binge uncontrollably the entire time and I have no idea how to prevent myself from eating everything in sight.
This time, I’m especially worried because for the past 6 months or so I’ve become dependent on my Vyvanse (which I’ve been prescribed for ADHD) to control my appetite and when I don’t take it, I binge the entire day. And I knooow that the longer I keep this up, the worse it’ll get, but I plan on just carrying on with this until I inevitably crash and burn.
Anyway, in some of those countries, Vyvanse is illegal and there are several cases of foreign travelers who have been arrested and jailed for bringing prescribed medication with them. Even if they had a note from their doctor, a copy of their prescription, and kept the medication in its original container.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow and I’ll ask about traveling with my Vyvanse, but I’m fairly certain she’ll advise against it. And honestly, I’m strongly strongly considering bringing it with me anyway. I might be able to get her to write a letter that I can take with me, but I know that it’s still risky.
someone, anyone, plshelp :( how stupid would it be to bring my Vyvanse with me? What would you do if you were in my situation? I just feel so stuck and have no idea what to do.
[Other] So excited.
/u/vhshood98
Created: Mon Apr 30 17:23:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g3wp8/so_excited/
---
Oh nothing. Just imagining the day I hit my UGW.
5 foods that are surprisingly good for you
/u/ennadaoui
Created: Mon Apr 30 16:23:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g3hpa/5_foods_that_are_surprisingly_good_for_you/
---
http://prettybeasts.com/5-foods-that-are-surprisingly-good-for-you/
[Rant/Rave] Massive binge last night, trying not to slip up again
/u/nofreepizza
Created: Mon Apr 30 15:45:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g37g2/massive_binge_last_night_trying_not_to_slip_up/
---
I'm struggling to not overeat today, because I know that binging is a slippery slope to massive weight gain. I did go over my 1200 restriction, but I worked out and burned like 500 calories so I figure as long as I don't go over 2000 calories then I'll be fine. Tomorrow I'll try getting my diet back on track completely. I hate when I lose control like this. It's always such a pain to start my diet all over again and lose all the weight I gained.
“But you haven’t lost weight?”
/u/eminelope
Created: Mon Apr 30 15:40:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g366w/but_you_havent_lost_weight/
---
I went to the doctor to talk about my binging/restricting for the first time today. When she walked in she said “You’re here for an eating disorder. But, you haven’t lost any weight?”
That hurt.
It also made me realize why people don’t seek help, or tend to ‘go harder’ sometimes after seeing healthcare professionals.
She started to get the point when I explained my eating habits and extreme weight fluctuation, but I still can’t help but feel like she didn’t think I was doing a ‘good enough’ job at starving myself.
She took my blood and bumped up my anti-depressant, but needless to say I’m feeling pretty down.
Crumbling Into Temporal Despair
/u/Suriality
Created: Mon Apr 30 15:29:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g336p/crumbling_into_temporal_despair/
---
I have a flight out first thing in the morning tomorrow for a week of shooting and I’ve GAINED seven pounds. I went from 135 (a little under, actually) to 142 in one stupid fucking weekend. I obviously haven’t and won’t eat today, but the damage is done. I’m so fucked.
Buckle in for the shame spiral of having all the clothes be too small... 😭
Does anybody see a therapist who used to have anorexia?
/u/sugarplumklara
Created: Mon Apr 30 15:29:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g332b/does_anybody_see_a_therapist_who_used_to_have/
---
Because I do! She told me herself when I first brought up my laundry list of issues, though she specializes in complex trauma and we've mostly been working on that. She even has a little mini stationary cycle under her desk a well as a standing desk contraption. She's probably in her early 50s and looks great for her age, and she's probably a size 0 to 2. All this makes me wonder if she still has an ED, or at least the behaviors. That's also going to make it really interesting when I bring up my mini-relapse next session.
[Rant/Rave] Nutritionist claims CICO doesn’t matter on keto !!?
/u/sirenloop
Created: Mon Apr 30 15:13:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g2yuv/nutritionist_claims_cico_doesnt_matter_on_keto/
---
So, today I went to go see a new nutritionalist to talk about how to properly maintain my weight. I’m 5’6 ish, 115 lbs, BMI of a little under 19. I feel confident at this weight and I wanted someone who could accurately tell me how many calories to eat per day to maintain my weight where it is (within a few pounds range, naturally - weight fluctuates and I understand that).
Right off the bat I mentioned my history of anorexia and how I’d been recovered for a few years but still had a few disordered tendencies. I told her I’d been doing keto for a few months and had lost 20-30 ish pounds and didn’t feel the need to lose anymore. I was open and honest with her, and she was pretty awful to me. I left in tears, completely overwhelmed.
The part that really frustrated and confused me was how unapologetically anti-keto she was, telling me I was essentially killing my body and giving me a meal plan (that I did not ask for) that said I should eat 60g carbs per meal and 30g in snacks. I told her I didn’t want to do that - I like keto as a way of eating and I’m simply looking to no longer eat 750 calories a day. I want to maintain and keep my body healthy. She claimed, multiple times, that it was IMPOSSIBLE to maintain on a keto diet, no matter if I ate at maintenance or not. ((Also, she quoted my maintenance cals at like 2100, which seems like a gross overestimation. I have an active job but jfc I’m not a fucking professional athlete.)
I’m annoyed and frustrated and will not be going back for a follow up, but god. CICO still matters whether you’re eating carbs or not for heavens sake. Plenty of people maintain their weight on keto, you just don’t eat at a deficit.
What’s your guys’ opinion on this? Anyone have any success stories about maintaining a nearly but not quite underweight BMI on a low-carb diet? Seems I’ll have to figure out maintenance on my own. Sigh.
[Rant/Rave] No body positive blogs (that I can find) of 'normal' weight women.
/u/SpeckledCollie
Created: Mon Apr 30 15:07:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g2xdi/no_body_positive_blogs_that_i_can_find_of_normal/
---
If anyone *does* have any, please send them my way!
I've been looking a lot at trying to change my mindset of what bodies are supposed to look like, to maybe find some peace with myself.
However, all the body positive blogs I have found are:
\- of obese women \(like that's great for them, but I can't relate\)
\- super fit women \(I think my body is allergic to producing abs\)
\- super skinny women who also run food blogs \('making a whole tray of brownies to last three months whenever you want a sweet treat!' is not a doable action for me\)
WHY is it so *fucking hard* to find body positivity blogs that are of slim women who are like "yeah I had an ED, now I turned all that bad energy into crochet and look at these sick recovery afghan blankets I've made. I'm the queen of crochet. Bow down before me"? \(that's just an example, but you hopefully catch my drift\)
[Discussion] does anyone else fast the day before u weigh urself
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Mon Apr 30 15:06:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g2x37/does_anyone_else_fast_the_day_before_u_weigh/
---
the feeling of seeing the lowest possible number on the scale is so satisfying
[Rant/Rave] i lied to my bf
/u/sugarpiIl
Created: Mon Apr 30 15:04:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g2wid/i_lied_to_my_bf/
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im in an ldr and i told him i weigh less than i do
hes seen full body pics of me
he’s seen me naked like completely
i told him i weigh 160 and he was so cool with it but i could tell he was surprised
so thats my goal before i meet him
my weightloss is going well and im on track ti actually being that weight a couple of weeks before we meet but it still bothers me because i know that being fat is gross and hes only ever liked petite girls
also i feel scared i never want to eat anymore even though i know i should i started purging again and i wasnt supposed to fast today but here i am
im spiraling and i kind of like it? i just wish my body matched my mood
Looking at food
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Mon Apr 30 14:13:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g2ifb/looking_at_food/
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Does anyone look at food and be able to say, “Oh that looks good,” or, “That seems delicious,” and be able to appreciate it, but wouldn’t eat it even if it was right in front of you out of fear of gaining weight?
[Rant/Rave] :(
/u/bunnygorl
Created: Mon Apr 30 14:04:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g2fxx/_/
---
I had a feeling I’d have to put my dog down soon and ended up having to do it last night. We spent all day at the vet and emergency vet until we accepted that either way she wouldn’t have much time or a good quality of life. I hate that her death is helping me restrict bc I feel twisted to have something new to keep me from eating. I didn’t eat the day before and yesterday I attempted to eat a banana but the heaviness in my heart made me throw it up and i can’t get myself to even drink a 25 calorie hot cocoa .. just water. I miss her so much but I feel like I passed my ugly habits on to her bc she either didn’t eat much or all she wanted to do was eat :( she didn’t eat anything her last couple days with us n I miss her so much she was my best friend and was with me through the bad and good I miss you sofi :(
[Rant/Rave] God I'm just a little bit messed up
/u/Yatessc
Created: Mon Apr 30 13:31:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g26mk/god_im_just_a_little_bit_messed_up/
---
I almost fainted at work today so my coworker gave me her zero cal monster to try and help me stabilize. Before I drink it I double checked the calories to make sure it was ok. Like wtf? I was about to hit the floor because I don't eat and here I am checking the calories. 😂
Does recovery have to mean gaining weight?
/u/allkindsofnewyou
Created: Mon Apr 30 12:54:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g1w2e/does_recovery_have_to_mean_gaining_weight/
---
This may be a really stupid question....but is weight restoration required to recover? Or could it mean you stop trying to lose weight? Can you be recovered if you just maintain weight, even if you're technically underweight?
Is counting calories something that you have to stop doing if you're recovering?
[Other] i just saw this on ig on a "normal" page im screaming is this normalized
/u/fortunate-foolx
Created: Mon Apr 30 12:37:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g1raq/i_just_saw_this_on_ig_on_a_normal_page_im/
---
https://i.redd.it/b7vej83rb3v01.png
need advice for not fixating on a binge...
/u/xxxrxrrv
Created: Mon Apr 30 12:17:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g1lj7/need_advice_for_not_fixating_on_a_binge/
---
okay this is about to be a lil long because i literally have nobody in my life who i can talk to about ED stuff and i feel like i'm going to burst... \(tl;dr in bold toward the bottom\)
title is pretty self\-explanatory. i don't know what to do with myself. for a while now i've been pretty good and consistent about restricting, eating healthy food and working out, losing at a semi\-satisfactory rate, etc etc, but yesterday i suddenly went crazy and ate a ton of the junk food that i've been ignoring in my cabinets \(but don't want to waste by throwing away\).
i tracked everything and probably ate around 1000\-1200 over my tdee/maintenance calories. logically, i *know* one day like that isn't a major setback or anything. i* kno*w it does no good to beat myself up or spend all day thinking about how much i regret it. i* kno*w i realistically won't gain anything substantial; i* kno*w slip\-ups happen and that my animal brain probably just freaked out because i've been restricting for a long time. i* kno*w the best thing i can do is just forgive it and get back into my normal routine. i already have the next couple of days planned to make myself feel better.
so WHY can't i stop thinking about it and feeling so so guilty and awful and full of regret that i can't focus on anything else? i'm uncontrollably OBSESSING over how much i ate yesterday and i just want it to stop. today is a slow day at work so i've literally spend the entire day dicking around online \- looking up stuff like forum posts from other people who are freaking out about overeating \(so i can be like "it's not just me who does this" and "look at the nice people validating that a binge is okay,"\), searching articles on what to do after a binge even though i already know everything they're going to say, repeatedly calculating the calories i ate and my tdee just to make myself feel bad about it, reading about binges worse than mine to make myself feel better, etc.
i know it's totally irrational ED brain nonsense but i literally can't help tearing myself up over it. i even wrote myself a note last night in the middle of eating cookies \- it says "you're enjoying this now, don't waste time and energy regretting it tomorrow, just move on and be good" but I CAN'T. ugh. i still think about other binges i had weeks or months ago!!! and now there's a fresh one to feel like garbage about. i hate this feeling.
**tl;dr what do you guys do to move on from a binge** \(besides the cliche "today is a new day! forgive yourself and get back in the saddle!" which we all already know\) **?????? i just want to think about something else.**
ALSO! i've been lurking forever \(i seriously love this sub, and i don't even really go on reddit otherwise\) and finally made an account just so i could post this lol. hi! i'm 22, been in varying degrees of eating disorder hell since middle school, relapsed around february. it's an absolute bitch, but gives my life meaning that i don't currently get anywhere else. maybe engaging in this sub more actively will help. let's be friends! :\)
[Discussion] Is peach down for anyone else?
/u/oat_queen
Created: Mon Apr 30 12:15:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g1ky6/is_peach_down_for_anyone_else/
---
How can I keep this from happening?
/u/WhimsyMoth
Created: Mon Apr 30 12:05:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g1i2h/how_can_i_keep_this_from_happening/
---
I really want to fast, but whenever I skip a meal or go more than 6 hours (awake) without eating, I will get really really shaky and if I ignore it for too long, I will get all tingly and lightheaded.
It is kinda concerning and I don’t understand what the problem could be. Any ideas or suggestions how I could prevent this without really eating?
ECA stack?
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Mon Apr 30 12:03:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g1hny/eca_stack/
---
I’ve had this explained to me before, but I don’t really remember what I was told. What’s an ECA stack? Like what does it consist of? How do you get the items and if you can’t get one of the items is there any way to replace it with something else.
Also, I’m seeing some people have adderall. Do you guys also have ADHD or did you manage to get into the system? How’d you do that?
[Rant/Rave] sickness sucks
/u/elvirahancock69
Created: Mon Apr 30 12:02:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g1h7b/sickness_sucks/
---
especially when you've been alienating everyone close to you for the past month bc of your ED and now you just want someone to wash your sheets and make you tea but all your friends are mad at you and its finals week and LKFJASLLJKFJkljdakls;fl;asjlfsjkld
sorry i know this post is kind of pointless but maybe someone else out there is also sick/alone. i feel you. \<3
[Discussion] DAE Wear uncomfortable / too small clothing?
/u/Bookofkelis
Created: Mon Apr 30 11:59:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g1gfo/dae_wear_uncomfortable_too_small_clothing/
---
Like, as a way to keep yourself hyper aware of your body? I never used to wear jeans but now I have multiple pairs in a size smaller than is comfortable for me. I love the way they press on my hip bones and cut into my stomach when I sit down or bend over, it makes me not want to eat when I can see and feel the fat pushed up above the waistband. Can anyone relate? I feel like there's a stereotype of wearing baggy clothing if you hate your body but I do the opposite.
Someone noticed my weight loss
/u/kladarling
Created: Mon Apr 30 11:34:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g19fn/someone_noticed_my_weight_loss/
---
I went to a party at a friends place the other night and got there a bit early to hang out with her. I ended up seeing her (attractive af) roommate before he took off for a different party. I'm pretty okay friends with him and he's always super nice to me when I see him and talks to me a lot. So anyway I was sitting while talking to him and I stood up to do something and immediately he said "You seem... smaller". Y'all, My heart skipped a beat and the first thing I blurted out was "Well... I have lost some weight..." He congratulated me and said, "yeah I haven't seen you in about a month and you just looked really different." Like, I don't know how I feel about this to be honest. On one hand I feel great because it came from him, but now I'm anxious that other people are going to start commenting on it soon and I don't really feel up for being asked about my "weightless secrets" (under 500kcal a day and perpetual self-loathing) but yeah. I ended up smoking too much weed and texting him that hes attractive, but that's a very different longer story lol.
Welp my heart feels like it’s about to give out...
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Mon Apr 30 11:10:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g12f6/welp_my_heart_feels_like_its_about_to_give_out/
---
I have not slept since last night because I took a ECA Stack (ephedrine, caffeine, and aspirin) and Ritalin at 10pm in a effort to burn 5,000 cals today in 24 hrs...I will fail at that lol.
I took the ECA Stack and Ritalin bc I got into a fight with my Mom about her compulsive gambling...she gambled the rent money away. Again.
My heart feels tired and I feel so hungry but just had a huge bowl of oatmeal and brown sugar...and some celery...I can’t bare to eat anymore.
I really wish I had a bottle of Seconal tbh, then all my problems would be over.
Ugh, I hate this.
Going to sleeps now.
[Rant/Rave] Cw: death from Ana
/u/notria17
Created: Mon Apr 30 10:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g0m2z/cw_death_from_ana/
---
This is kind of a rant. I'm just processing. Not going to bother to make a throwaway. I just found out that someone I know just passed away from a heart attack caused by her anorexia. She was 19 and had just started university. I've been struggling a lot with my eating for the past year and while I wouldn't say I have an eating disorder, I have developed some very unhealthy habits. This is a massive kick in the gut to me. I'm kind of shocked and don't know how to feel but I don't think I can continue doing what I'm doing.
[Help] I swear my app is lying to me
/u/Awkward_Mermaid
Created: Mon Apr 30 09:55:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g0hl0/i_swear_my_app_is_lying_to_me/
---
https://i.redd.it/kr626vyui2v01.png
Has anyone been to an in person support group for EDs?
/u/catsrule-humansdrool
Created: Mon Apr 30 09:48:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g0fti/has_anyone_been_to_an_in_person_support_group_for/
---
I just went to my therapist and told her I think I have an ED, and I mentioned that it was the first time I had ever talked about it to someone I actually know because I’m too scared to tell any of my friends. She suggested going to a support group and I think that’s an interesting idea. I really just want people I know in real life and can hang out with that I can talk to about all of this bullshit. Just wondering if anyone has been to an ED support group and what your experiences were, and if it’s the kind of thing I can make friends at.
[Intro] (Re)intro
/u/maybeshesmelting
Created: Mon Apr 30 09:34:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g0bw7/reintro/
---
Hi everyone.
I’ve posted here once or twice before on different accounts, but tend to have a habit of making a post and then running away. Let’s see if it sticks this time around. I’d really like to get to know you all, have people who understand me and who I understand, and just have a place I belong again. And I’d love to offer support to people who are struggling, but that’s kind of awkward out of nowhere isn’t it?
I ramble a lot but I’ll try to make this quickish.
I’m rapidly approaching 30 years old, single, fucked up family life, shitty job I’m about to quit (already wrote my resignation, just gotta get done with all my dr appointments while I still have insurance!), my friend group consists of a handful of coworkers I occasionally go out and get drunk with, my life is mainly just going to work or sitting at home with my cat. So I’m more or less stumbling through life alone.
I had a full blown ed from age 17-25, started as restricting type AN which evolved into a cycle of restricting and BP AN. At my lowest my bmi was just above 14. I never officially recovered, but over time as I became happier (not happy, never been happy, but circumstances improved slightly) I just kind of...stopped? So for the last few years, with the exception of a few random bad days or weeks here and there, I’ve not given much thought to what I do or don’t eat. It’s kind of amazing, going from where I had been to being able to eat pizza or cake or whatever else and not giving a single fuck. And best of all, I didn’t balloon up too much (bmi is currently just under 17).
So anyway, here’s the thing: my ed was never about what everyone always says eds are about. Sure I thought I was kind of fat and yes I am a control freak, but that’s not why I did what I did. And I didn’t/still don’t give a fuck about models, celebrities, or any of the rest of it. At the core of it, I wanted to look as sick on the outside as I felt on the inside. Sad, scared, hopeless, helpless, lonely, and every other feeling I had but was not able to express. And I wanted to die, but couldn’t bring myself to straight up kill myself. So starving was my solution to that. Over time, I also became addicted to the high of restriction and found comfort in the routine, and the counting, and the planning. It consumed me, and I wanted it to, and now I want it to consume me again.
Which brings me here. I’m not quite back in it yet, physically, but the wheels are spinning. I’ve been calculating, figuring out roughly how much weight I need to lose and how long it will take me. I don’t have a specific goal weight, rate of weight loss, or anything else. I just want to go back down the rabbit hole, only this time I don’t want to get out. I want to lose enough for it to kill me, and that’s about the only goal I have.
I’m not here for anyone to try to convince me otherwise. All those cliches people throw at you to try to convince you not to give up? You have so much to live for, you have your whole life ahead of you, you have such a bright future, there are so many people who love you, and on and on? None of that is true in my case. And I tried very hard for a very long time, but I’m tired now, and there’s nothing left to be done really. No matter what I do or how hard I try, I will always be fucking ugly, I will never have a real family, I will never not be fucked up in the head, I will never be loveable, you get the picture. So to me, this is the natural next step. The only option. And at the very least, it will bring me some comfort that I desperately need.
Anyway, enough of the woe is me bullshit. Sorry about that.
On that note, some non ed related random stuff about me: I love tea, animals, cooking/baking, being outdoors (as long as it’s not hot out and there aren’t a million bugs around), big cities, architecture (though the extent of my knowledge on the subject basically amounts to “oooh pretty”), organising, and shopping/fashion (but I like what I like and could not care less about what’s trendy at the moment. My style is definitely timeless/classic). Oh, and vodka. I do quite like my vodka.
Thanks to anyone who managed to read this far. And if you’d like to comment with your own random stuff, I really am interested in getting to know you all :)
[Rant/Rave] Done.
/u/neko_no_o
Created: Mon Apr 30 08:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8g01c1/done/
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5’5’’, 126. I can’t maintain and be happy at the same time. I am a walking, talking number. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be a lower weight, and I’m already spending three hours doing cardio and the other 21 hours obsessing about what I might eat and when I’ll take my next stack...I’m over it. I deleted MFP. I told my parents I lost control of my life. I sobbed about missing trail mix and allowed myself to eat carrots for the first time in months. I’m going to find a therapist...and you know what? I might even be able to feel happier than I do now at 130...but I’ll never know because I’m taking an extended break from the scale. I earned it. I lost my 75 pounds. I deserve to celebrate my life by giving myself a chance to be happy.
Peace and love, dudes. Say yes to the sandwich...and f the numbers.
[Discussion] April 30th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh
Created: Mon Apr 30 08:44:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fzylq/april_30th_2018_question_of_the_day/
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What are 3 words to describe your social life?
Possible TW in the comments below!!!
[Rant/Rave] Drunk ED brain
/u/handzies
Created: Mon Apr 30 08:24:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fztef/drunk_ed_brain/
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A rant about drinking while restricting.
So this weekend I drank all my calories and have suffered a 2 day long hangover. My entire body hurts, my chest especially from the 5000 cigarettes I smoked.
My mood is very "hit me with your car, see if I care" and I wouldn't but it is because my drunk ED brain got away from me. Everyone get ready to cringe, in a real way.
A girl recognized me from high school, I didn't recognize her. I was about 100 heavier in high school so was she. She said she lost about 92 pounds. THEN ED BRAIN KICKED IN AND I SAY
"Did you lose it the natural way"
She says yes then I say
"You sure? I didn't lose mine the natural way"
But here is the kicker, SHE HAD CANCER. Now she has some drunk chick slurring ED bullshit at her. Oh man. I guess my ED does feel like a secret and I do often wish I could tell people. I'm mortified at the reckless action.
✨✨So here's to me swearing off drinking and hopefully never running into that girl again! ✨✨
Why does the scale stay the same for a day or two and then drop?
/u/planetarydisaster
Created: Mon Apr 30 07:42:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fzj0h/why_does_the_scale_stay_the_same_for_a_day_or_two/
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Basically the title, confused me lately. Stayed the same and then overnight it as like a pound had dropped. I was terrified I was gonna plateau and I don't know why it does it.
Social Eating will be The Death of Me
/u/cityofstarlight
Created: Mon Apr 30 07:27:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fzfid/social_eating_will_be_the_death_of_me/
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Seriously. I am really good at restricting when I'm alone, at work, or even with most friends.
When I'm with the guy I'm currently seeing, though, I have LITERALLY ZERO SELF CONTROL. He's otherwise very healthy, but when we get together all we do is drink booze, eat pizza, Menchies, junk food, go out to restaurants and binge... Its like my body is in celebration mode anytime we hang, and my ED brain is making me not want to hang out with him so I can focus on restricting (also for the record I'm almost always the one to initiate the binge).
This means during the week I can eat 1200cals or less pretty easily but on the weekends I tend to eat 2000-3000 so I'm basically losing nothing.
How do I stop the 'Happy Pounds' (ie weight gain during new relationships) phenomena and get to my UGW!? Loooord heeelp meee :(
[Discussion] Since Christmas, I'm not on track anymore and I can't get back on track
/u/toriaponte12
Created: Mon Apr 30 06:50:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fz77p/since_christmas_im_not_on_track_anymore_and_i/
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I'm 18, 5'8 female. My ed started when I was 160lbs. Eventually I was down to 124lbs and I was so happy. Like I know I wanted to lose another 10 maybe 15 pounds but i really was happy when I was 124 bc I've never seen My body that thin before. My body looked so different. Christmas time came and this is my favorite holiday and I decided instead of dreading the food and everything I was going to let go and enjoy the season with my family. I WILL EAT AND BE HAPPY and when Christmas season is over I would fix my mistakes. Well, Christmas season had ended....and I couldn't get back on track. I still haven't. I'm almost 150. Im so upset and I hate myself bc of this. My top priority is just to go back to starving and lose weight until I'm skin and bones. It's so hard tho
How did I turn from anorexic to this.
/u/yourbasicblondebitch
Created: Mon Apr 30 06:32:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fz37w/how_did_i_turn_from_anorexic_to_this/
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Grandma: "You want ice cream?"
Me: "Nah."
Me, internally: "Of course I fucking want ice cream, it's only that my thighs and my fucking belly are so huge I'm getting stretch marks because I've gained so much weight already - I FEEL LIKE I'M FUCKING PREGNANT, GRANDMA! YOU WANT ME TO FEEL FUCKING PREGNANT?!! I need to lose weight, this can't go on like this. Once I get to the weight I was at before my skin is gonna be so stretched out and it's gonna be all over the place. Ugh, fuck, I already messed up my body, anyway."
Me: "Actually, yes."
How did my mindset change from "no food, like ever, please" to "three whole pints of B&J's a day doesn't hurt"?? I've become so unaware of how much fucking shit I'm shoving into my body. How can I get motivated to actually change my relationship to food back to at least "normal"?
I've never been one to overeat, I used to work out regularly. Then came the first eating disorder. Now I'm just sitting in my bed looking for sth to eat when I'm not even hungry. Heck, I'll eat things I don't even enjoy eating just to eat sth, anything at all. What the heck kind of life is that?! Please help me. I feel like this is actually even more unhealthy than what I was like before and I don't even know where it came from all of a sudden. I'm afraid to step back up onto the scale... I hate seeing myself in the mirror. My life's completely gone to shit.
Anyone up to give me some inspiration and motivating words so I can start changing things? I mean, I see how disgusting I am, I just can't seem to get my ass off the bed and change it.
(Also, I'll be staying at my crush's place with him for a week next month, so I gotta act fast. Don't ask me how I managed to get this date arranged with me being the way that I am right now, 'cause I have no freaking clue...)
[Discussion] i don’t understand
/u/fortunate-foolx
Created: Mon Apr 30 06:24:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fz1m0/i_dont_understand/
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apparently it’s normal to eat breakfast??? i’ve never eaten breakfast outside of special occasions even before my disorder i guess. oof
Weekly Stats Update! April 30, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 30 06:14:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fyzky/weekly_stats_update_april_30_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for April 30, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 30, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 30 06:14:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fyzju/daily_food_diary_april_30_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 30, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] Unexpected trigger
/u/ohwellolivia
Created: Mon Apr 30 05:54:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fyvmk/unexpected_trigger/
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Has anyone else had a seemingly random and unexpected event trigger them?
Last week I had an awful sinus infection. I went to the urgent care after days of being sick and unable to eat from the pressure in my face. The nurse took my vitals, and I expected my blood pressure and pulse to be pretty low based on how I was feeling and how little I had been eating. My blood pressure was 90/140!! High blood pressure runs in my family, but everyone with it has been overweight or had a binge eating disorder. I have neither. I’m on the low end of healthy/underweight and I restrict and purge.
The doctor said it was most likely from the sinus medicine I had taken but my head was still spiraling. Am I fatter than I thought? I know bp sometimes has nothing to do with weight or exercise, but in my family it always did. So it’s been 4 days and even though I’m feeling better, I’ve been restricting like crazy. I can’t end up like my mother and grandmother. I just can’t.
LOVE HANDLES/MUFFIN TOP
/u/RichardStarrkey
Created: Mon Apr 30 05:39:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fysxk/love_handlesmuffin_top/
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At my lowest weight at around 60ishkg, 6'0 height, I still had love handles.
Does anyone know how I could get rid of those? I mean Christ, I was less than a kilogram away from underweight and I had them.
[Help] Things keep getting worse
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Mon Apr 30 04:32:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fyhad/things_keep_getting_worse/
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I think I’m getting worse with this whole food deal. I used to think that 500-800 calories was okay. Then just 500 max. Now all of a sudden I try to eat as little as possible. I didn’t realize how big of an issue this was until this one moment.
I was in the break room and there was a bag of chips. I thought one chip wouldn’t hurt and I’m not the type to binge. So I picked up a piece and thoughts just flowed through.
“Don’t eat it. You don’t deserve it. You’re fat. Look at yourself. You’re disgusting. Don’t eat it. Don’t eat it. Don’t eat it.”
It was my favorite type of chip so I broke off a very tiny piece. Like maybe 5cm piece and I was fine, but later on in the day I ended up being myself up over that tiny piece. I haven’t eaten anything for a few days, yet I was having this terrible mix of emotions and thoughts.
“You didn’t have to eat it. You know what those chips taste like so you didn’t have to eat it. It’s okay. It was just a small piece. It’s not good to not eat. You don’t deserve to eat. You don’t fucking deserve you piece of shit. What the fuck is wrong with you.”
I ended up having a meltdown. The stress from the whole week about the focus being food and people trying to shove food down my throat got to me and that single piece pushed me to the edge.
I feel like I’m just getting worse and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to get better, and I know I should, but I don’t feel ready.
Autistic/OCD sufferers
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Mon Apr 30 03:33:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fy8c2/autisticocd_sufferers/
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does anyone else with organisational or obsessive habits try and make sure they end their day on an exact number? i need to make sure my calories end up being in the 10's or that they end in an 8, so like 710 or 800 or 888 or 210. I have Asperger's lmao I've chewed on bread before to make sure my intake is a rounded number. Or a multiple of 8, because I love the number 8.
Why am I like this lol
/u/pillbus
Created: Mon Apr 30 03:10:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fy50c/why_am_i_like_this_lol/
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Binging then fasting has been my main shtick for years. (Yay, bulimia!) But every now and then I'll go through cycles of restriction... Which inevitably end after a week, because I decrease my calorie limit each day until it's totally unsustainable.
I'm going into one of those cycles now. This time I'm really trying to keep a steady limit.
Two days ago I ate 1,130 calories. Yesterday I ate 830 calories. Today I ate 670 calories.
So, from now on I'm trying not to dip below 670 cals. I've planned tomorrow to be 690 cals, which is giving me anxiety since it's a higher amount than today. But I know I need to do this so I can restrict for longer.
Does anyone else have this issue?
[Rant/Rave] Wasting a lot of food
/u/iceleo
Created: Mon Apr 30 03:01:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fy3nq/wasting_a_lot_of_food/
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I literally waste so much food because I buy it and I’ll think it’s a safe food but then by the time I’m halfway the guilty feelings will kick in so I’ll throw it away or I’ll eat it, maybe even get more and go purge.
[Rant/Rave] Anyone else work for an airline?
/u/lilyhearts
Created: Mon Apr 30 02:42:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fy0zo/anyone_else_work_for_an_airline/
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Just wondering if anyone else here is in aviation. I work as a flight attendant flying international and some days the combination of my job and my disorder makes me want to pull my hair out. Being around unlimited food all day feels dangerous. Being alone in a hotel room after work feels even more dangerous. It’s so easy to binge and sometimes I purposely fly overnight sectors just so I’ll be too tired to binge when I land. But the jetlag wrecks havoc with my appetite and I’m always so hungry. I compare myself to the girls at work and only feel worthy if I’ve eaten the least by the end of the day. This is driving me nuts. I love my job but recently it feels like an impossibility.
Not really a rant more like a does anyone else feel what I feel kind of post.
I feel like an odd one out because I actually BINGE when heartbroken or depressed.
/u/PalRoek
Created: Mon Apr 30 02:05:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fxw3q/i_feel_like_an_odd_one_out_because_i_actually/
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I see a lot of posts about people who lose their appetites or just stop eating when they go through a breakup, or are just generally depressed about things. For me, it seems to be the opposite.
When my ex brokeup with me, first I drank... a lot. This lasted a couple of weeks (At least i found out that I don't drink and dial. So I guess that's a good thing). But then I discovered that binging, at least in the moment, helped me feel better. So I kept doing it because I was so heartbroken, that I was willing to do just about anything to make the pain stop.
Ever since then (a couple of years now), anyone I'm depressed or anxious about something, i tend to stop caring and binge. But I've also learned that it's a vicious circle... because then i get depressed about the fact that I have been binging. It's actually kinda scary
[Discussion] Why do I actually want to be triggered
/u/TertiaryWings
Created: Mon Apr 30 01:52:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fxu9o/why_do_i_actually_want_to_be_triggered/
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(TW: depression, suicide, self harm, mentions of abuse)
I'm really sorry it's 4am I just also want to rant and have someone to talk to I'm so fucking depressed.
Am I some sort of sick sadomasochistic fuck (to be clear I do like bdsm and I don't think those people are sick) that I actually want to be triggered? Is it my Histrionics? My BPD that makes me take advantage of my ptsd triggers? I had some really shitty shit happen in my life lately (haven't we all? I'm sorry guys.) and I'm just trying to distract myself with tv shows. I've never been an Avid tv watcher. I'm super picky with my shows and thought "hey, a few episodes of Glee that I caught with a friend before were interesting. I love musicals. Maybe I should watch that."
I was trying to get over the fact that this was one of his favorite tv shows and that I was sometimes abused with the cheerful narrative running in the background. It was one of the few last things we watched together along with some D.C. Shows and Moana and family guy and American dad and now all of those I associate with abuse and suicide. Family guy was the most common running in the background and I get nauseated and nervous watching that. I also have a hard time with music still somewhat because when I found him dead that suicide hotline song was playing on repeat on his phone. I didn't listen to music for two months after that.
But the person I was with after, my favorite person, who I dated briefly went back to his ex wife and they're having a kid together. Unexpectedly.
I'm on episode 2 of Glee where his wife is "pregnant" and they're super focusing on that. They also spotlight bulimia and wanting to become thinner. I had to stop the episode and pace. I'm trembling. And I want more. I want to be further triggered. I want to fucking torture myself. I just want to die. I try to take care of my mental health. I try to encourage others to do the same. To help them. To take the gun out of my mouth and comfort the cries of others who have problems because it's not fair that they feel as shitty as I do and they don't deserve that. I fight suicide every day and my god it's so fucking exhausting to have to wake up wanting to die and wondering if this is the day that I'll finally fucking snap. I want to be pushed to the edge. Why. I want my mind to shut the fuck up. Why. Why won't it stop.
[Rant/Rave] Chipotle bowl breakdown in r/1200isplenty
/u/a_horse_says_weigh
Created: Sun Apr 29 22:46:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fx199/chipotle_bowl_breakdown_in_r1200isplenty/
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Ahhh! Someone just wrote a post in r/1200isplenty where they got a burrito bowl and chipotle and weighed out the ingredients in their bowl and compared it to the menu listings.
Guys. The menu calculated out to 760 cal, and theirs was 980 CAL, 220 more!!!!!
It seems like the biggest problem was the rice - the menu said 4 oz, and the person got 10 oz, which is ridic. They suggested asking for a half serving of rice, which is a great idea.
I thought it was a really informative post and a good PSA here!
Appetite changes...
/u/WaityKaity
Created: Sun Apr 29 22:08:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fwuiz/appetite_changes/
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When I’m restricting I barely have an appetite. When I’m binging I find myself getting hungrier more often. It’s bizarre. Does anyone else experience this?
What milk do you use for your chai latte?
/u/flavouredsnax
Created: Sun Apr 29 21:00:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fwh3g/what_milk_do_you_use_for_your_chai_latte/
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Im currently tryna work out my calories for today and im obsessed with chai lattes so im going to get one later but i dont want to get it with normal milk and at muffin break (where im gonna get it from) the other milk options are almond, soy, skim, or lactose free. I preferably dont want skim or lactose free but what milk do you guys have that has the lowest calories but doesn't taste like shit? x
Gagged a little when I read that... thanks google
/u/Onthedownlowplz
Created: Sun Apr 29 20:47:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fwehv/gagged_a_little_when_i_read_that_thanks_google/
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https://i.imgur.com/orzyMij.png
[Discussion] Does anyone else get Turned On by guys who encourage you to stay thin!!?
/u/richnskinny
Created: Sun Apr 29 20:17:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fw8ff/does_anyone_else_get_turned_on_by_guys_who/
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Warning: Sexual Content
Not necessarily unhealthy or rude encouragement, but an example would be like when you’re having sex and he touches your ribs or hip bones showing he likes it. That drives me crazyyyyy when my size is made sexual!? Even grabbing the wrists, making sexual comments on my size Omg
I’ve seen a lot of posts here saying the opposite, that they hate their bones being touched, or that their ED is based on wanting to DE-sexualize themselves. But I’m the opposite; my ED is based on control; and I get the most compliments when I restrict!
I know It’s a little depraved/fucked up, but that’s probably part of why it’s such a turn on because he’s supporting/accepting a (kinda bad) part of me thst will never change & i also accept about myself so that makes it naughty
I never want to slip up. If I slip up & gain........ i wouldn’t wanna be denied sex that’d be too much for me I would break up lol. But maybe just little comments like r u sure you wanna eat that. HOT
And actually this guy seems to have an ED too, he is FIT but was saying how he wants to lose weight cause he’s been eating & drinking too much lately and I’m like lol stoppp u look good. But I could tell he was serious and saying that because he feels like he’s not on his A-game which is SOO me lol. I think I like that in a partner!! It’s annoying when someone i spend time around is making it harder to stay thin by offering you too much food or keeps lots of snacks around or just someone who loves laying around. I feel safer and more comfy with a fitness dude who is always on a diet himself and will keep me motivated
Stranger called me "skinny" when I was trying to get pass them to get to my seat...
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Sun Apr 29 20:04:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fw5qm/stranger_called_me_skinny_when_i_was_trying_to/
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This was the day after a 13.7 mile hike (worth the bruise and pain) but also the day of eating brunch with drinking galore (not worth the calories, I really hate myself rn) First time its ever happened. Besides all the gross calories I consumed today and hate myself about , getting called "skinny" when I know I'm fucking not is great fuel for this week's fasting after exams :)
(fuck this stomach bloat, wish I wasn't so exhausted to work out rn)
[Help] Hiding bulimia from family
/u/srh01
Created: Sun Apr 29 19:52:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fw3f8/hiding_bulimia_from_family/
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So I've pretty much decided to move back home for my senior year of high school (currently going to a dual enrollment-type school at a university and living in a dorm 150 miles from home) but while at school, I've developed what's probably bulimia (purging basically every time I eat more than 100 calories, several times a day) and my parents (especially my mom) are pretty observant, so I'm worried they'll pick up on it. Any tips for hiding purging from parents/family? I have four younger siblings and wouldn't want them to know. I also share a room with my 13yo sister and a bathroom with her and my 15yo brother when I'm at my dad's house.
Alternatively, tips for hiding restricting from parents would be good. I'm vegan, so that'll probably help.
Any advice would be great!
Heartbreak is the best appetite suppressant.
/u/the_better_cheddar
Created: Sun Apr 29 19:38:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fw0g1/heartbreak_is_the_best_appetite_suppressant/
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I don't really have a point to this post, I just need to talk into the void...
My ex and I have been having major problems for the last 6 months, and we've been very on again/off again during that time. Yesterday we broke up again, and I'm about as 100% certain as I can be that it's for good this time. It was just so different and so final... anyone who's gone through the same probably knows what I'm talking about.
Anyways, I know it's for the best because as much as we love each other, we're both just too different personality wise to make it work. Neither of us were perfect and it got to the point where we both got tired of trying.
But I'm still heartbroken. I can't bring myself to drink water. My mom bought me my favorite pizza last night, and I ate half a slice to placate her. I've had nothing today... I'm not even hungry... I don't even care to weigh myself... But I guess this is my sliver lining on my shit cake.
Hidden food in my room started rotting this morning 💀
/u/ELESH_NORN_DAMNIT
Created: Sun Apr 29 19:15:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fvvrb/hidden_food_in_my_room_started_rotting_this/
---
I literally woke up this morning to the disgusting, "sickly sweet" smell of my trash bag. I've been using it to throw away food I pretend I ate when I'm alone, for like a week...and I woke up in a panic because it stunk so bad at like 8 AM. Thankfully because nobody else was up I was able to quietly sneak out and dump it before anyone had a chance to notice...but now it's like that awful smell is stuck in my head and just thinking about it makes me want to puke. Wish me luck guys, tomorrow I have to figure out how the garbage disposal works. I hate trashing food and I always throw away as little as possible to make it plausible that I ate something...I feel so wasteful, especially 'cause I came from a household with clean-your-plate logic and all that. But cleaning my plate is also the whole reason I got fat and hated my body in the first place...ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Peach?
/u/moonspirit2030
Created: Sun Apr 29 18:58:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fvs1c/peach/
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How do I join the peach chat?? I’m kind of confused and all the threads on the sidebar were locked :(
[Rant/Rave] I opened up to my therapist about my disordered eating and…
/u/fernsandfoxes
Created: Sun Apr 29 18:51:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fvqqm/i_opened_up_to_my_therapist_about_my_disordered/
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She opened up to me. She said she’s not supposed to say this but she told me about her history with anorexia and bulimia and how she still sometimes struggles with those thoughts to this day. I’ve heard so many therapist horror stories but she was kind and told me she understands how I’m feeling and is going to try her best to help me get through it. I felt so comforted and like I wasn’t alone. Just wanted to put this positive therapy experience out there :’)
ED getting worse... I have no safe foods now?
/u/Lisa5impson
Created: Sun Apr 29 18:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fvpcr/ed_getting_worse_i_have_no_safe_foods_now/
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Anything with ANY calories triggers a binge, sometimes purging, and a TON of guilt and self-loathing. I think r/fasting is triggering me? I feel like if I haven't fasted, I've failed. How do I get my safe foods back? I just want to be able to eat tomatoes without feeling like a hopeless loser.
How does /r/fasting do it so well?
/u/Really_Rizzoli
Created: Sun Apr 29 18:23:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fvkof/how_does_rfasting_do_it_so_well/
---
Upon all of the visibility that /r/fasting is getting, I can't help but think that they are doing ED behavior better than I am. How is that possible? How are they able to fast for days, lose weight, and continue with life, when me, the one with the ED, cannot even succeed at that?
What is their secret?
[Discussion] Your experiences with men and your weight?
/u/_lolnonope
Created: Sun Apr 29 17:53:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fvduq/your_experiences_with_men_and_your_weight/
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Depending on your weight, did men who were otherwise dicks/players/uncertain with you come back in full force and interested in more than just a lay after seeing you thin? And general experience with guys who were flaky/pulled a Houdini?
Curious of your experiences, specifically if being nearer to underweight caused them to grow closer.
Feeling cornered
/u/hollywould83
Created: Sun Apr 29 16:31:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fuvmx/feeling_cornered/
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Feeling so angry right now. I post one stupid pic to my Instagram account of myself 3 years ago compared to where I am now wearing the same outfit. Now it is like everyone thinks I have a problem and my well meaning fiance who was one of the triggers that began my RAN has been coercing me to eat every 2 hours. I cant stand being told what to do......I never should have posted that pic and everyone would have left me alone.
[Discussion] DAE find sweet things to be a safe food?
/u/squishyskeleton
Created: Sun Apr 29 16:31:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fuvgg/dae_find_sweet_things_to_be_a_safe_food/
---
Today for lunch I had 100cals worth of chocolate, along with a Pepsi Max (my income going down the drain with every diet soda I buy). And I didn’t want to die. I didn’t feel the urge to purge. I didn’t cry. Unlike when I eat carbs or protein. I can’t binge on sugar. Especially chocolate. Too much makes me feel sick, and has for a long time. So my body doesn’t cope well with it. So I can only eat small amounts.
As such, sugar, especially chocolate, has become a safe food. It keeps my energy up, stops me from feeling sick due to hunger and low blood sugar. It makes me feel normal. Eating chocolate is a normal thing. I can’t be that sick if I’m eating sweets. However, I can’t eat carbs without crying. Fast food makes me want to die. I can’t even eat vegetables and fruits without the fear of going overboard.
Does anyone else find safety in sweets, or anything else weird for that instance?
I'm afraid what will happen if I get off eca stack...
/u/aceshighsays
Created: Sun Apr 29 16:27:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fuuo1/im_afraid_what_will_happen_if_i_get_off_eca_stack/
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When I'm binging, my entire life is also a wild mess. I don't take care of myself or my dog. All I do is sit on the couch (or my office chair) and shove food in my mouth. I gained 10 pounds in a little bit over 1 month. My life was a blur. I didn't know what I did (or ate).
I was finally able to take control of my eating (eca stack) and all of the sudden I'm cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, shopping, walking the dog, reading books. I'm functional. I have energy. I'm living like a normal person. Like, I just ate pizza and I didn't devour it... actually I didn't finish it... This has never happened to me in my entire life of eating pizza...
I'm afraid what will happen when I get off eca stack... I know I can't rely on it forever. I'm hoping that I will get used to not eating large portions and doing intermittent fasting. I'm hoping that I will develop new eating habits and will just continue without eca. Is this even possible?
[Help] I opened up to my psychiatrist
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Sun Apr 29 16:20:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fusvx/i_opened_up_to_my_psychiatrist/
---
So just recently I opened up to my therapist and psychiatrist about my eating habits. I didn’t want to, but I blurted it out by accident and I had to keep going. Anyways. When it came to talking to my psychiatrist she said some of my pills cause weight gain which may be why I’m not losing weight, so she decided to change the pill that either won’t do that or may help me lose weight. I don’t know what to think about this.
[Discussion] DAE take the minipill?
/u/elvirahancock69
Created: Sun Apr 29 16:15:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8furrq/dae_take_the_minipill/
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I just started taking the mylan norethindrone pill for birth control and I was wondering if anyone else on here has used it. I've read bad reviews about weight gain and i'm a little nervous.
Your most embarrassing "CAUGHT" moments
/u/Grellous8
Created: Sun Apr 29 15:55:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fumzd/your_most_embarrassing_caught_moments/
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Just what the title says. Just interested in hearing some of your stories for a good laugh. Two of my best and most recent ones:
1) Go over with family to cousin's house for dinner. Hanging out in living room together, watching TV and I spot a box of maple filling sandwich cookies. "Damn, I'll keep that in mind, but can't binge while people are here." Dinner is called and most people leave while I pretend to be finishing something up/playing on my phone. Moments later, I look around and see no one, so I immediately start chowing down like the hungry-ass retard that I am. Just as I open the box and grab a cookie out, cousin walks in, "Hey grell, it's time for dinner! Come on!" Startled as he walked in, and in an attempt to have nothing in my hands, I drop the cookie on the floor quickly and to my horror it makes a GONK sound on the hardwood. Cousin's like "K WTF was that?" Goes to look around room and when his back is turned to me, I swoop down quick like a motherfucker and snatch it up off the floor and jam it in my pocket. "Huh, must have been something outside maybe" he goes. He looks around for a bit, and I notice him pause in a certain spot. I'm thinking oh fuck he's on to me...but then he just looks back at me, then proceeds to walk off, saying "C'mon, grell time for din." I scurry over to the spot where he stopped. SONOFABITCHFUCKFUCKFUCK there were a bunch of crumbs and a big chunk which must've cracked off when I dropped the cookie, right at the base of the table with the box of cookies on it. OHSHITHESONTOMENOW. Cousin speaks nothing of the incident for the rest of the night and I'm unsure if he really put two and two together or not. Awk-waaaaaaarrrddd! Lul.
2) Parents leave me at home to go out grocery shopping (I think they're currently unaware of my problem). I'm "doing homework" on the computer in the living room. Soon as I hear the lock click, I practically jump right out of my chair (like clockwork) and proceed to a cupboard where my mom keeps some cookies and other old junk food snacks. Most of it is expired and I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know the food is there. I've been binging off this shit for a couple days, following the same routine, now. Grab out this humongous chocolate bar and set it down on the counter under the cupboard. Cue my phone ringtone. Friend of mine calling me about the assignment we were working on before my parents left. I'm one of "those people" who walks and talks. Downstairs, upstairs, basement, attic, bedroom, kitchen, living room, etc. I end up in my bedroom and just settle there on my bed, nice and comfy and warm cuz I'm always fucking freezing. While later, I'm still talking when I hear the door open up. I think nothing of it, still talking on phone with friend. We disconnect, and I walk downstairs back to computer. OHFUCKINGSHITHOLECOCKSUCKINGTURDBITCHES I remember that I left the candy bar on the table with the cupboard open very obviously. To my horror, parents got to kitchen to unload before me. OHFUCKTHEYFOUNDIT. They look right at me as I enter room...
...and THAT, my friends, is how my parents found out about my binge-eating.
So what about you? Tell me your stories, people. Want something to laugh at. Need some luls for today cuz that's enough repressed memory recovery for me for today.
[Help] Finals making me stress eat
/u/abagool
Created: Sun Apr 29 15:34:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fui00/finals_making_me_stress_eat/
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Title says it all. DAE have tips for avoiding bingeing while studying? I always end up eating a BUNCH of food whenever I’m doing schoolwork and then get distracted from my schoolwork by the distress from purging. I can’t take adderall because it makes me depressed :(
[Rant/Rave] So annoyed- “genetically blessed”
/u/orthoreXXX
Created: Sun Apr 29 15:28:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fugo2/so_annoyed_genetically_blessed/
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So I was HARDCORE obsessed with this super fit girl on Instagram and saved sooooo many photos of her body and prayed she would release her meal plans etc
When she made a YouTube channel I was ecstatic bc every fitness YouTubed talks about their macros and calories and I basically wanted to copy hers to a T (she was pretty much my height and age).
She makes a video titled something about eating and macros and I get soooooo excited and click on that shit so fast.
In the video, she shows her DXA scan results and says “I guess I’m just genetically blessed because my TDEE is 3100 calories! No wonder I can eat an entire jar of peanut butter in a day and not gain weight.”
I literally almost cried. Whyyyyyyyy
Pills on an empty stomach?
/u/BlondeActually
Created: Sun Apr 29 15:01:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fua6h/pills_on_an_empty_stomach/
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Is taking pills on an empty stomach really that bad?
I take Prozac in the morning and regularly take Volfast packets because my body is always aching. I’m worried that I might damaging my stomach because it was prescribed with food, but I can’t eat every single day just to take medication. Is drinking juice the same as eating? How much are you supposed to eat?
I can’t believe that something like this keeps me up at night. What has my life come to?
[Tip] Just discovered sugar free margarita mix
/u/coffeepaysthebills
Created: Sun Apr 29 14:59:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fu9jy/just_discovered_sugar_free_margarita_mix/
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Here’s to getting drunk on that sweet goodness this summer without the extra calories
[Rant/Rave] Self-pitying rant here. My mediocre performance this school year due to my ED has removed any prospect I had of achieving my only socially acceptable goal.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sun Apr 29 14:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fu9jb/selfpitying_rant_here_my_mediocre_performance/
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My mental clarity and motivation dwindled to nonexistence when I slipped below a hundred pounds, causing me to receive uncharacteristically low grades this year \(10th\). Add my poor attendance to the mix and my chances of getting accepted into a prestigious college are slim to none. Despite academia being the only area I've ever excelled in, I managed to fuck it up. The fact that I've run out of ambitions I can realistically fulfill has left me completely numb. Not only have I lost the opportunity to show my father an acceptance letter that proves I'm not the stupid, absentminded anomaly among his otherwise intelligent children, I've lost the opportunity to prove it to myself. I’m officially a failure.
[Rant/Rave] I never used to have a problem with porn, suddenly it’s so triggering.
/u/turiansandtargaryens
Created: Sun Apr 29 14:31:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fu2fk/i_never_used_to_have_a_problem_with_porn_suddenly/
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In the past my SO could watch porn and masturbate and I wouldn’t give it a second thought, it was so easy to just shrug it off and move on. More recently I started dating someone who I know is kind of really into it, and it never really bothered me until I saw that he was subscribed to bodyperfection.
And browsing that sub alone is enough to make me feel like a manatee with a thyroid condition, but that coupled with our disappointing sex life makes me feel beyond repulsive. Like me being so fat is the reason he can’t fuck me (beyond tmi, sorry)
But on the flip side browsing that sub also kills any appetite I might have, so I guess it’s not all bad.
Funny stories about treatment
/u/sneakersandtofu
Created: Sun Apr 29 14:08:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ftwqc/funny_stories_about_treatment/
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Hello! I am in a class working on a project that is making a comedy podcast about eating disorders. It may sound strange but I think that talking about these issues in a lighthearted way could be both really cathartic and could help to break down a lot of the stigma that surrounds the issue.
I am currently looking for some funny stories people have about treatment- whatever that means to you be it residential treatment, therapists, self-help books, whatever. No shame, no judgment- just a story or thought that you personally consider ridiculous/silly/funny etc. Thanks so much!
[Help] IRRITABILITY
/u/lacroicsz5
Created: Sun Apr 29 13:35:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ftohc/irritability/
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So I’ve recently relapsed into restriction and as an already really irritable and depressed person I’m finding this part of everything to be the worst. I don’t even feel particularly hungry because y’know disorder but I’ve been eating 100-500 cal a day and it’s murdering my ability to rationally react to anything. EVERYTHING pisses me off and I just want to be alone. Like I already felt like this but the under eating is making it so much worse.
I just (sadly) ate 90 calories of a sugar cookie to see if it would help make me stop acting like a raging hungry beast but I’m wondering if anyone else has tips on how to handle irritability when restricting.
Feeling so sick
/u/Chuckysbride103116
Created: Sun Apr 29 13:34:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fto89/feeling_so_sick/
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I got my period yesterday and it seriously threw me off, i just need to rant
been dealing with a cold for about a week and my anemia always gets worse during my period, i ran out of my iron supplements and haven't been getting good sleep plus i been working 10+ hour days. I feel so mentally and physically exhausted, i know eating would make me feel better, but also thinking about food has been making me nauseous this whole past week, i was feeling so weak the other day i almost fainted at work, my husband has been nagging me to eat since i haven't eaten while at home in a few days, he's been trying to push me to eat and i can tell he starting to get worried.
The worst part is i lost some weight (yay) and people have been complementing me a lot so im afraid if i get better im going to get back my appetite and the weight. I don't want to feel sick, but i like the look of it
Anyone know guys struggling with ED?
/u/tacocat627
Created: Sun Apr 29 13:31:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ftnlo/anyone_know_guys_struggling_with_ed/
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I recently accepted my ED and plan to begin treatment soon. I just discovered this subreddit and have read so many thought-provoking, inspiring, and helpful contributions.
My first impression based on posts/discussions is that this sub has young female majority. As a 34/M, I feel like an alien intruder!
I'm curious what you may know or have observed with guys dealing with ED (whether through relationships, treatment, etc). And any guys on this sub who want to share, please do!
Thank you.
Feeling very attacked rn
/u/KitteeChaos
Created: Sun Apr 29 12:16:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ft4r6/feeling_very_attacked_rn/
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So I binged at the Chinese place today like the fat piece of shit I am and can you believe the nerve of this fortune cookie
https://imgur.com/oGyMqNc
Coffee makes me hungry
/u/nithilislidari
Created: Sun Apr 29 12:04:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ft1z0/coffee_makes_me_hungry/
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I found out that coffee makes me quite hungry and also shaky, and the chance of binging is way higher after I drink it. I really love it because it gives me motivation, but I guess I should avoid it, even if it's hard?
Does anybody else have that problem and knows what could be the reason?
[Help] I think that my ED habits might be unintentionally rubbing off on my mum?
/u/beneaththeblue
Created: Sun Apr 29 11:51:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fsypn/i_think_that_my_ed_habits_might_be/
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So I should start by saying that I’ve never really spoken to my mum about my ED and as far as I know she is unaware of it. I’m 18 and still live at home with her but I’m fairly discreet about my habits in that I’ve always made an effort to eat normal dinners with my mum since she usually cooks for us both.
I’ve lost around 30lbs since last year but I’m still at a ‘healthy’ BMI since I used to be really big (I’m currently 147lbs at 5”11) so obviously I don’t ‘look’ like I have an ED. I’ve been through phases of restriction and bulimia and (finally!!) getting out of a binge phase now after putting on 7lbs:(. When I was at my lowest weight of 140lbs a couple of moths ago she did make an off handed comment where she asked me if I was bulimic in a half-joking way which I obviously denied and she’s said nothing since.
It might be relevant to mention as well that my mum is bi polar and also that she’s always been very vocal about her body issues all throughout my childhood(I swear to god if I have to hear one more thing about her ‘fat legs’ smh). She is already very slim and looks great- people often think she’s 10 years younger than she is!
I have kept up my facade of simply ‘eating healthily’ but I openly weigh stuff on my food scale etc and she seemed to just believe that’s just a part of it. But some of the things she’s been saying recently have been making me a bit concerned. For example, if she’s eaten something unhealthy but sees me eating healthy she’ll make these kind of jealous but self degrading comments like ‘oh I should be eating things like that to get rid of these fat legs’ etc. And she’s started copying my breakfast meal prep of putting yoghurt and fruit in a teeny tiny container and making the kind of low cal salads I make for my own lunch. Today I asked her if she wanted me to make her a lunch for tomorrow when I make mine and she said ‘no I’m just going to try to only eat fruit’ and then left the room...
I know this sounds stupidly hypocritical because it’s not like I’m jumping at the chance of personal recovery since I’m still working towards my GW of 126lbs but hopefully some of you guys can understand my concern for her despite my own messed up brain:( I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, especially not my mum and it makes me horrified to think I could have done this to her. Am I just being paranoid? Has anyone else experienced anything like this? How could I help prevent this spiralling into a full ED for her without having to come clean about my own?? Sorry for the huge rant, but even if no one reads this I think I needed to write it down for myself aha...
[Rant/Rave] No motivation
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Sun Apr 29 11:42:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fswae/no_motivation/
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I used to be so recovery minded. Even when I would struggle I would always get back on track. But for the past month or so I've lost any and all motivation for recovery. I could care less if this kills me or I end up back in the hospital. I just don't care anymore. I tried to motivate myself to eat again but I just can't seem to do it. I don't know why I've gotten so low. I've really lost the will to live. Now I'm simply surviving. Does anyone else feel this way?
[Discussion] Goal Weight Regrets!
/u/RichardStarrkey
Created: Sun Apr 29 11:08:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fsoa2/goal_weight_regrets/
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I'll begin! My goal was a tight 58 kg, cause that's what the milf at the office weighs. Though she is a good deal shorter than me, it's pretty attainable with 59kg being underweight for my height.
I. Was. 60.5kg.
That close. I remember my dad seeing me after a while and he was shocked to see that I was all bone. He ran downstairs to buy me food, kept cursing at himself for not feeding me enough.
Anyway, my friend took a picture of me walking away to light a smoke. I honestly looked like The Thin White Duke. It became my thinspo.
Then alcoholism went way out of control and I gained a lot.
Here today I'm wishing I'd taken more pictures of myself at my lowest weight.
[Rant/Rave] Pointless ramble about “My 600-lb Life”
/u/cocacolonization
Created: Sun Apr 29 11:03:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fsn34/pointless_ramble_about_my_600lb_life/
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I’ll start by admitting that I started watch this show to trigger myself into restricting lower and longer. Thinking about that makes me feel like a monster, but I do find my fear of obesity to be extremely motivating, for better or (mostly) worse. Moving on.
Has anyone seen the episodes with Melissa in them? She started at close to 700 pounds and was able to get to the 160s. She had a lot of insight about how she managed to gain so much weight. Hearing her talk about how—even at a healthy BMI—she hates looking in the mirror, how all she is able to think about is how imperfect and broken and ashamed she feels, how she eats to cope with feeling scared and isolated and overwhelmed... she is me.
I feel like there’s a tremendous amount of overlap between how these people (who probably all suffer from BED on some level) and people with anorexia think about themselves and the world. I restrict to cope with life, but even losing weight doesn’t help me feel any less fundamentally broken and alone.
Not sure what point I’m trying to make here, except that it’s humbling and sort of terrifying to know that this kind of mental torture doesn’t discriminate by size. Anyone else watch this show? Do you feel the same way?
[Other] This was so therapeutic to make ❤
/u/sad_skelly
Created: Sun Apr 29 10:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fsk8m/this_was_so_therapeutic_to_make/
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http://imgur.com/BIcITYb
[Other] (From biochem textbook) This could be either reassuring or depressing
/u/themoonneverbeams
Created: Sun Apr 29 10:45:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fsihu/from_biochem_textbook_this_could_be_either/
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https://i.imgur.com/SAfcdFd.png
[Other] i know there are a couple of r/fasting posts floating about but.... does this or does this not sound like meanspo??
/u/exmooseontheloose
Created: Sun Apr 29 10:40:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fsh6f/i_know_there_are_a_couple_of_rfasting_posts/
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https://i.redd.it/kgi3f4hxlvu01.jpg
[Discussion] April 27th - 29th Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh
Created: Sun Apr 29 10:26:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fsdss/april_27th_29th_question_of_the_day/
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27th: What “type” of person are you? (Unnecessary quotes?)
28th: Who would you trade places with for just one day?
29th: Who can you make happier? How?
I fit into them!!!
/u/Sashx0
Created: Sun Apr 29 10:20:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fsckt/i_fit_into_them/
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Rant/rave bc im on mobile !!
Okay so this is just a quickie
But i bought these size 7/8 skinny jeans around october last year, and couldnt fit into them. I couldnt even get them past my thighs, and today i remembered that i have then stored in the back of my closet.
I tried them on.
They fit!!!
Its a bit tight around my tum still, but you guys !!! They freaking fit.
Today has been so good and SO motivating.
I woke up, weighed, and saw myself under 160lbs for the first time in nearly two years
Then i tried my jeans on, and they fit!!! Ahhhh i could cry.
[Discussion] This was posted on r/fasting... sooooo healthy!/s
/u/BreMarieNirvana
Created: Sun Apr 29 09:55:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fs6nu/this_was_posted_on_rfasting_sooooo_healthys/
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https://i.redd.it/yphqo44vdvu01.png
[Rant/Rave] can’t stand people like this
/u/clemintide
Created: Sun Apr 29 09:44:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fs44k/cant_stand_people_like_this/
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i’m on break drinking a bang energy drink, 0 cal/artificially sweetened, my coworker tries to explain how unhealthy it is and how it’s gonna give me cancer, etc. etc. yet he eats mcdonald’s everyday???? (we work there) UMMM? yeah try to tell me what healthy is lmao
[Goal] The Greatest Compliment
/u/RichardStarrkey
Created: Sun Apr 29 09:19:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fryks/the_greatest_compliment/
---
There was a large event today, catering for a hundred and twenty people, with forty more walk ins outside. This means a hundred people standing up, with the rest sort of floating around the seats, and the rare group all sat down.
So there was a lot of weaving through people to bring plates around, take orders, serve drinks. It was tough with how tight the people stood together, reminded me of a game I played in primary school where a friend and I would "hunt" each other down through the thick crowds of the canteen. He'd always win of course, then again I was a rough eighty-nine kilograms.
The boss was helping out. We'd find each other back to back sometimes, hands full. Then at one point, she was talking to the host when I crossed behind her.
She whipped around and said, "You're so flat!"
Yo dudes imagine hearing that. I stopped and asked her to repeat herself. "Flat, flat!" She said.
Yo...
[Other] Crying lots
/u/throwawayyolonot
Created: Sun Apr 29 08:41:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8frqbd/crying_lots/
---
-I’m one week post abortion.
-I’m missing my first ex who I really loved but he doesn’t want to go back with me
-I broke up with the aborted baby’s daddy
-I feel alone as all hell
-my ED is at an all time high
-I may relapse into cutting again
-I just want to feel like myself—better.
[Help] What constitutes a proper OMAD?
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Sun Apr 29 08:41:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8frq8s/what_constitutes_a_proper_omad/
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Is it just where that one full meal is the only thing you eat? Or can there be small snacks in lieu of meals up until that one actual meal? I ask because I find myself not really eating an actual, proper meal until I get home from work and cook for myself. Otherwise, it’s a protein bar and made a piece of fruit. I want to try and do an OMAD eating plan/ intermittent fasting.
Hope that question didn’t come out too convoluted.
[Help] Help would be nice? BWW
/u/planetarydisaster
Created: Sun Apr 29 08:11:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8frjyr/help_would_be_nice_bww/
---
I'm not going to sugar coat it, I'm freaked out.
My family decided to go out for lunch today (t-minus two hours and twenty one minutes until then), and I can't skip. I've skipped too many and my mom's starting to get on my case about it.
My father chose buffalo wild wings, and the calorie counts and everything counts on the menu are huge.
I need some help for something that's as low as possible, I'm already skipping breakfast and I'm going to skip on dinner too, so anything as low as possible would be amazing.
I know this isn't typical of this sub but I'm worried, because I binged something terrible yesterday. :/:/
[Help] 2 months and stressed 😩
/u/kaplazzle
Created: Sun Apr 29 07:16:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fr9rv/2_months_and_stressed/
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So, I’ve been binge free for about a week now (yay me) I’ve been fasting and have occasionally slipped but not enough to hate myself any more than usual after lol. I even dreamed about it last night, the ice cream man 😭 BUT, my weight has stayed the same?? Whyyyyyyyyy
I’m going on a trip in a month and a half and I want to look at least semi presentable. Right now I feel so ugly so what’s the point of bingeing or not bingeing if I don’t see results? I’m trying to lose at least 20 but I feel so discouraged.
Plz Halp
[Help] Intermittent Fasting Made Me Anemic
/u/Thynnmintz
Created: Sun Apr 29 06:12:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fqzab/intermittent_fasting_made_me_anemic/
---
So I went to the doctor \(psychiatrist\) Thursday and everything was great! No need to increase my dosage for anxiety. I’m stable \(Woohoo!\) Then I told her about my weight loss with the Keto diet and intermittent fasting\(IF\). I lost 25lbs in 5 weeks! I’ve been over the moon for a while about it.
Here’s the kicker:
I’ve been spotting for 5 weeks and didn’t know why. When I told her this she frowned and was like, “You might want to watch that. IF can affect your menstrual cycle. Too much blood loss can make you anemic. One of the common symptoms of anemia is fatigue.”
Literally, a day later I was crashing hard at work! Then on my day off I could barely move. I woke up at 11am and was still tired. It took me everything I had to make a smoothie, wash the dishes and crawl back to bed for another 4 hours.
I guess that’s goodbye IF... and goodbye daily weight loss...
I want to walk into the ocean.
[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 29 06:11:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fqz8q/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 29, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 29 06:11:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fqz7f/daily_food_diary_april_29_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 29, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] Intermittent Fasting made me Anemic
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 29 06:03:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fqy04/intermittent_fasting_made_me_anemic/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] this plateau is actually killing me and i really want to die
/u/acosed
Created: Sun Apr 29 05:12:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fqq8c/this_plateau_is_actually_killing_me_and_i_really/
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i weighed 48.3 on the 9th april and i havent properly lost since then. its just been bouncing around 47.9-48.4 since and its killing me so fucking much i feel like im going to lose my mind?? i average around 950kcal a day but ive eaten at maintenance twice this week, as well as regrettably above (1900) yesterday.
i weighed in at 47.8 yesterday and 48.7 today.
im almost at the end of my tether and im so agitated and desperate ill do anything to start losing again. i just want to cry or die and im really not okay ill take any reassurance i csn get im so so so close to just losing mu mind i swear
[Rant/Rave] I can finally explain my eating disorder
/u/duejeuyt2
Created: Sun Apr 29 04:32:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fql0a/i_can_finally_explain_my_eating_disorder/
---
So I've made a great realisation today.
I've found out what BED (Binge Eating Disorder) really is.
BED is when the animal brain controls/possesses the mind.
So we all have this lower part of our brain, our animal brain, that makes us crave things like sex and food.
The animal brain is inside of everyone's head. It steers our heads into making choices, like cheating on a wife or eating a whole pack of doughnuts.
Whilst the people choose to cheat on their partner or choose to eat 12 doughnuts, the animal brain influenced their thoughts leading up to the action.
The animal brain can control your mind (to some extent), but cannot control your actions at all.
The animal brain often comes out when we are hungry or when we are horny.
People often cannot tell the difference between thoughts made by the animal brain and their own thoughts.
When I restricted my intake, I got more thoughts from my animal brain and basically more cravings.
Occasionally, I acted on my animal brain thoughts and binged, which gave my animal brain more power over my mind.
After a while, my animal brain basically possessed my mind and I had full blown BED which later developed into bulimia.
The animal thoughts were so strong and so frequent that I acted upon them almost immediately every time.
I was miserable because I always looked forward to having a binge just to feel awful afterwards.
The truth is that I didn't like binge eating at all. My animal brain manipulated me into thinking that I wanted to binge eat and that I enjoyed it. My animal brain tricked me into thinking that binge eating was the only thing that made me happy and that I would never be able to manage to live a life, free from binge eating.
The truth is I can easily live a life free from binge eating, but my animal brain can't, and for the past year, my animal brain has controlled my head so much, that we have basically become one.
To achieve my dream of living a life without binge eating, I have to distance myself from my animal brain so that I won't be mentally controlled by it anymore.
I have to acknowledge which thoughts are mine, and which thoughts are from my animal brain.
I am going to start this process by giving my animal brain a name.
My animal brain will be called Lacey.
[Other] I love how myfitnesspal enables me
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Sun Apr 29 02:32:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fq5sh/i_love_how_myfitnesspal_enables_me/
---
https://i.redd.it/gjftmh1w6tu01.jpg
[Other] Weight fluctuations over 6 months with OSFED. Started a very physical job last month lmao
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Sun Apr 29 02:32:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fq5rl/weight_fluctuations_over_6_months_with_osfed/
---
https://i.redd.it/973ds17n6tu01.jpg
[Goal] Weight fluctuations over 6 months: OSFED and started a very physical job a month ago
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 29 02:32:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fq5o3/weight_fluctuations_over_6_months_osfed_and/
---
https://i.redd.it/rqaj23c86tu01.jpg
[Discussion] DAE look at people on the street and guess how many calories they must eat a day judging by their weight?
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Sun Apr 29 00:48:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fps98/dae_look_at_people_on_the_street_and_guess_how/
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[Discussion] How accurate an indicator of health is BMI?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 28 23:26:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fpg79/how_accurate_an_indicator_of_health_is_bmi/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] [Discussion] anyone here have personality disorders?
/u/instantanarchy
Created: Sat Apr 28 23:25:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fpfvy/discussion_anyone_here_have_personality_disorders/
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I'm pretty sure I have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and it's got me feeling super alone recently. I'm asking here because this is literally the only actual judgment-free zone I frequent. 😖 ^(also because i don't know anyone on this board in person so i won't like, instantly burst into flames if someone does judge after all)
[Discussion] Kratom for restricting?
/u/Roseemacculate02
Created: Sat Apr 28 23:09:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fpdbr/kratom_for_restricting/
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[removed]
[Other] BMI graphs and stuff
/u/slip_n_slice
Created: Sat Apr 28 22:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fp6n9/bmi_graphs_and_stuff/
---
So im 6'1", pretty muscular (can lift 100+ pounds over head, but i think i have a tummy) and have been holding steady at 170~ lb., for a bmi of 22~.
Maybe its just cause theres a bunxh of short and heavy people in el paso, but every keeps telling me how skinny i look and that i look great, yet the charts say i could lose another 40 POUNDS and still be in the healthy range. Maybe i need to reasses my goal weight and how i think i look now and will look then, because my goal was only to drop about 30 more pounds 🙃
[Rant/Rave] I've gained 10 pounds in nine months
/u/dontfeedthehippos
Created: Sat Apr 28 22:23:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fp5ve/ive_gained_10_pounds_in_nine_months/
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Last summer I worked so hard to lose 20 pounds by a healthy 1,200 calorie a day diet and jogging/running.
Today I am binge eating alone, 132.4 pounds standing at 5 foot two inches. My diet and everything made sense to me until I lost touch with myself and started obsessing over the foods I couldn't eat and started binging and purging. Now I'm stuck binging. I feel lost and depressed.
I have no friends and all of my coworkers over eat too, and we all enable each other to eat badly. (I work in a restaurant.) my depression and obsessive thoughts about food are keeping me from my own happiness. I was pushing 240 3 years ago and I'm so scared that I'll be there again. I feel ashamed that I've squandered all of the hard work I have put in over the past few years to make myself healthier and happier.
I exercise 3-4 times per week and it feels so good. Sometimes it feels like my only relief but in a couple of hours the binge voice takes over my brain and I can't think about anything else.
I hate myself and sometimes I think I would be better off dead than living in this hell.
[Rant/Rave] I've gained 10 pounds in one month.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 28 22:22:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fp5qv/ive_gained_10_pounds_in_one_month/
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[deleted]
[Help] Why does my face get flushed and hot when the rest of my body is cold? (plus other physical concerns)
/u/catstille
Created: Sat Apr 28 22:21:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fp5jx/why_does_my_face_get_flushed_and_hot_when_the/
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Hi,
I'm really hoping to get some answers on this because google isn't turning up anything helpful!
Since I've become underweight, I'm really cold all of the time but often my face will flush, go red and be extremely hot to touch. This isn't due to alcohol or embarrassment or anything. It feels like my face is hot with fever?
Also - my knees are purple? They're not bruised, just ... purple. How come?
Hopefully one of you might have an answer, :)
Ayy an unexpected upside to breaking my toe
/u/leschauvessouris
Created: Sat Apr 28 22:13:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fp42j/ayy_an_unexpected_upside_to_breaking_my_toe/
---
Now I can’t have late night binges, I can’t even go down the stairs without help really
[Rant/Rave] [TW: SH, -ve body talk]The False Promise of Control
/u/CeladonDust
Created: Sat Apr 28 21:57:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fp1dz/tw_sh_ve_body_talkthe_false_promise_of_control/
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You you feel like you have no control over your life. School, uni, work, money, family, appearance, social and romantic life (or the total lack of it lol). It's too much. The expectations, from teachers, lecturers, bosses, family, friends, partners, yourself. It's too much.
It's all too much. It's ALWAYS too much. You don't understand how everyone else does it. You lie in bed hyperventilating and screaming and crying into your pillow just to left some of it out.
You drink, cut, burn, binge. And now your not only a failure but a fat failure. Everyone knows, everyone can see.
So you start not eating. You don't deserve food anyway. Look what you let it do to you. Look how disgusting you are.
You transfer all the lack of control to your eating. Counting calories, weighing yourself. You set a weight goal, a calorie goal. You calculate how long it'll take to reach.
You make tiny adjustments, maybe if I eat 20 less cals a day? 400 less a day? Exercise more? Add 2 fasts a week? You calculate how each will affect your weight loss timeline. And maybe your goal weight is a bit high anyway? You spend hours doing this. It's all you think about.
Your tired all the time. You avoid social and family events with food. You spend so much time on your ED that you fall behind in everything else. It's more overwhelming than ever. It's all spiraling out of control. Falling apart.
So you cling even more to your ED as it's the one piece of control you have left. You bury yourself in it. Thinking *maybe* if I get this perfect it will all be ok. I'll be ok. I could even be happy.
But it's never enough. The goalposts change, your cal limits change, your fast hours change. The only thing that doesn't change is that you're never good enough.
And you realise that you don't even have control over you ED anymore. It's swallowed up your entire life. You feel more overwhelmed and desperate than ever. You're constantly anxious and paranoid about calories. You hate yourself more than ever.
Where has it gone? The sense of control and power? Like you had figured out some kind of secret. That high when you didn't eat and thought 'I don't NEED food, it was all a lie.' When you walked down the street mid fast a looked at the people and felt like you were living in a different world, a different reality.
Where is it? Was it even real in the first place? We're you just delusional? Lying to yourself? How could not eating ever fix your entire life?
That shiny promise of perfection. Always just out of reach. Like a house of mirrors. You'd see it down a corridor and run to it. But when you got there it had gone. Nothing had changed. You see it somewhere else and feel silly. Of course it wasn't here. You just didn't work hard enough. You'll get to it this time. But when you arrive it's not there either.
You keep going. Running harder, faster. Getting more and more desperate. The thoughts creeping at the edge of your mind, saying the things you don't want to hear.
You worked so hard. So much hunger and pain. All the hours you spent. The micromanaging.
It couldn't be for nothing. This was your lifeline. The was what kept you going. It could not be for nothing.
You stop, surround by mirrors. You look around searching for that shining perfection. But it's gone. All you see it the same lost and scared person you hated to begin with.
The perfection you ran to was a lie. The control you clung to was a lie. A beautiful fantasy you could escape in when the real world got too much.
You thought of only you did everything right you'd be happy with yourself. But here you are feeling more worthless and disgusting than ever.
And now you don't even have the lie to hold onto.
Pretty sure people have been treating me disrespectfully my entire life because I'm the fat friend
/u/letstryforkarma
Created: Sat Apr 28 21:51:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fp0a0/pretty_sure_people_have_been_treating_me/
---
....and i don't know whether to be mad that I'm fat or mad that i haven't moved on to better people in fear that i will continue to find disrespectful people wherever i go due to my size.
[Intro] Hello all
/u/Musicknowsnobounds
Created: Sat Apr 28 21:46:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8foz9b/hello_all/
---
Hi people of reddit,
I'm new, just subscribed actually. I've been dealing with an eating disorder for about 4 years now. It started out as anorexia but now it's a mix of anorexia and bulimia. I went into treatment for it two years ago and I've had my lapses and relapses since then. But lately I've been in a relapse that I just can't get out of and I don't really care to. I don't feel bad about my behaviors at all. Should I? Anyway just wanted to say hello.
[Other] Link to recipes under 200 cals
/u/gasstationfantasy
Created: Sat Apr 28 21:29:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fowbs/link_to_recipes_under_200_cals/
---
Recipes under 200 cals(nutrition info included) https://imgur.com/gallery/TBmcJmY
Found these in a random cookbook. Enjoy :)
[Rant/Rave] Why can't I be as commited to other things as I am to my eating disorder?!
/u/finnkat
Created: Sat Apr 28 21:28:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fow52/why_cant_i_be_as_commited_to_other_things_as_i_am/
---
I've tried multiple times to learn a new language but after the first few days I just can't do it anymore, my motivation is just gone. Same with books, after the first 50 or so pages, I'm done with it. Same with movies, get about halfway through and I'm just can't continue. I can't go to college, I held my last job for 3 months and now, ~3 months into my new one I want to quit again. I cancel plans and stop responding in the middle of text conversations. I even keep putting off getting my wisdom teeth out, even though theyve been comming in for a couple months now, because I can't just choose a couple days that I'll have to take off work and rest at home, I know as soon as I choose I'll regret it and want to change it. I literally can't commit to ANYTHING. Except, my eating disorder.
Recipes
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 28 21:24:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fovfe/recipes/
---
[deleted]
[Discussion] Anyone else have to edit the hell out of every picture they post?
/u/gothbaseball
Created: Sat Apr 28 21:06:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fos2u/anyone_else_have_to_edit_the_hell_out_of_every/
---
I swear, if you only saw me on social media you’d think I was 15 pounds lighter 😭
I really freak out when other people take pictures of me because it’s really obvious I edit them if you see the originals. Push my fat rolls in, define my figure, sharpen the jaw line, reduce under eye bags, remove zits... I’m seriously a catfish.
I wish I could be thin and cute so I wouldn’t have to edit these pictures so much. One day someone’s gonna notice and I’ll be so embarrassed. Maybe people already have noticed. Ugh I hate myself.
Also for anyone curious, the app I use is called
BeautyPlus. It’s a korean beauty app that I’m addicted to.
I know this is unhealthy and I should try to be comfortable in my skin, but my skin is fat and ugly soooooo....
Anyone else do this??
When you basically decide your GW is more important than your future
/u/leschauvessouris
Created: Sat Apr 28 21:00:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8foqvs/when_you_basically_decide_your_gw_is_more/
---
So I NEED to get to my GW by summer, but I’ve been in an awful binge cycle and still have awhile to go
So of course I’m gonna restrict to 700 calories a day or less the month I have finals, AP exams, and the SAT
Any suggestions for have okay cognitive function while restricting
How long do I have to throw up ?
/u/piscesdreamer9
Created: Sat Apr 28 20:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fonpe/how_long_do_i_have_to_throw_up/
---
[removed]
Why am I like this...
/u/katzetanzen083090
Created: Sat Apr 28 20:31:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8folme/why_am_i_like_this/
---
I think this is my first time posting here. But today was a bad day for me. I have been doing so good with my new diet. Lost 14 pounds the "healthy" way, I have been able to see the results in the mirror as well as on the scale and have been generally feeling good about myself. I also haven't purged in like three weeks and I told myself I wouldn't ever need to do it again. But this morning I was so so so hungry and hungover and delirious from going on a too long fast that I said fuck it and I accidentally binged. But I told myself I would be okay for the rest of the day if I don't eat because I had stayed under 1000 calories. But about an hour ago I agreed to eat some Chinese food while watching a movie with my husband. And all the women in the movie are so fit and thin that it triggered me I guess. I could feel myself bloating like a pig and I had to run to the bathroom to get rid of my shame. I feel better now that my stomach is empty, but I'm also mad at myself for it. I was doing so good and I just royally fucked up today. I used to be a model and let myself go over the years. I just want to be skinny again so bad.
Anxiety gone while fasting
/u/Sarahlump
Created: Sat Apr 28 20:30:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8foli8/anxiety_gone_while_fasting/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] It feels like I'm silently screaming NOTICE ME
/u/WhatsAMooseSay
Created: Sat Apr 28 19:47:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fode1/it_feels_like_im_silently_screaming_notice_me/
---
I just want someone to give a shit and notice that I'm not well, that I need help, that I need a night off from being "mom", that I need a little attention on ME and not just mom/wife/daughter/friend Me. If that makes sense.
I'm making it more and more obvious that I've relapsed. I get up and go to the bathroom after every single meal. I openly discuss my weight loss and calories and the like. My mom was here last week and I thought for sure she'd realize. I dont know if I can make it more obvious for my husband without just directly looking at him and saying "dude I puke 5 times a day IM NOT OK."
But I cant bring myself to do that because I'm not ready to give it up. I just want someone to be like hey - you're not okay. I'll watch the kids while you nap and then we'll figure this out.
Any of you other moms out there ever feel this way?
Well, fuck!
/u/PM_ME_JABBERWOCKYS
Created: Sat Apr 28 19:44:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8focwe/well_fuck/
---
I DMed a person on Instagram that's the same height as me (5'7") asking what weight they were since they're so thin and trim.
113 pounds.
And I thought I would be semi-okay at 120! 😄😅😂 Wow I just triggered myself! I'm more of a fatass than I could imagine.
[Discussion] Finding out a food or drink you love is more kcal than you thought...
/u/PM-ME-CORGIS
Created: Sat Apr 28 19:36:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fobem/finding_out_a_food_or_drink_you_love_is_more_kcal/
---
I love bubble tea, the slushes specifically, and I just learned how many calories tapioca pearls are and almost cried. That’s what I get for drinking my cals. What was your guys’ food surprise?
[Rant/Rave] 2 Day Binge with a Happy Ending
/u/leftshoelauren
Created: Sat Apr 28 18:23:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fnx28/2_day_binge_with_a_happy_ending/
---
I've been heavily restricting (<500c) again for about two weeks now without any major slip ups. I don't really have a binging problem, and I am scarily good at restricting so the past two weeks have been a breeze.
Unfortunately, I knew this weekend was coming and I was dreading it. I had made plans to get lunch with my mom (today) and see the Avengers with my dad (yesterday).
Yesterday I was SHOCKED when I got home from the theater (having eaten a very decadent pizza) to find that I hadn't gained an ounce.
Today I got lunch with my mom and absolutely binged on Italian food. We ended up going shopping (I haven't shopped in at least a year) and I bought new JEANS y'all. I dropped two pant sizes. The jeans I've been wearing are 14s and I just purchased a pair of size 10s from Zara. I literally cried in the dressing room. I just got home and got on the scale, and I've gained .9 pounds since yesterday morning but honestly at this point I can't be too fucked to care.
I'm back to regularly-scheduled restricting but I am over the moon right now. This is probably the best binge I've ever had. Plus Avengers was incredible.
[Discussion] fitbit types?
/u/acosed
Created: Sat Apr 28 18:20:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fnwei/fitbit_types/
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im thinking about getting a fitbit; whats your experiences, and which type do you find best?
(i dont heavy exercise, by the way)
[Help] Too scared to join the gym
/u/DamnPolygalaceae
Created: Sat Apr 28 17:49:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fnpv6/too_scared_to_join_the_gym/
---
I’ve been wanting to join for months now but I’m just way too anxious about looking like an idiot... I know people won’t even care that I’m there nor will they pay attention to me but i don’t know what’s stopping me? If anyone else here is a newbie pls give me some advice x
[Rant/Rave] My ED is ,,,,
/u/bpdix
Created: Sat Apr 28 17:38:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fnnrh/my_ed_is/
---
crying in a menchies when on a binge cycle and already 1000 calories over my daily goal bc the girls sitting outside looked at me funny when i was walking in (:
looking at us funny = thinking im fat and definitely dont need ice cream and not that we’re both basically in bathing suits bc we just got home from the beach
its just that i KNOW its not logical which is really frustrating
[Discussion] Anyone use the app Zero?
/u/shelifts45
Created: Sat Apr 28 17:07:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fnhet/anyone_use_the_app_zero/
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I just downloaded it to help track and keep me motivated during my fasts. Has anyone used this app? Do you find it to be useful?
[Rant/Rave] I've just realised that I've been underestimating my calories for the past few weeks D'=
/u/eightstone
Created: Sat Apr 28 16:51:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fne4z/ive_just_realised_that_ive_been_underestimating/
---
Sorry this is a bit of a stupid rant, it's just one of those frustrations I can't express to anyone IRL.
I like to get those little boxes of cereal that come in variety packs. The ones I get have about 60 - 90 calories in a box, depending on the cereal. I've been putting skimmed milk on them, just pouring by eye, and because it's skimmed, I just assumed this rounds it up to around 100 calories total.
Right now I'm feel particularly full after a big bowl of chickpea salad. Literally a tin of chickpeas on a bed of lettuce, spinach, cherry tomatoes, and cucumber, with salt, lemon juice from half a lemon, and liberal lashings of Tabasco. Feeling the guilt that comes with fullness, I decided to double check the calories in my cereal milk this morning. NOBODY should feel this full on what I estimated to be less than 600 calories in a day.
Well, OMG. Skimmed milk is not that low calorie. And if I'd stopped to read the nutritional info on the bottle for just a second I would know that. A cup of milk is basically the same as the cereal itself, not rounding it up to 100 cals, but more like doubling it to 200. And I had been pouring by eye. Maybe I've been having even more than a cup!
I was shooting for around 500 cals today, and through inattention to detail I may actually be closer to 1,000. And because I'd felt virtuous when I made the salad, I didn't include the tomatoes or tabasco in my calorie count. It's SO EASY to go over your calories if you don't pay attention. I feel so guilty and fat and gross. I won't be having any milk on my cereal again until I have measuring spoons.
Sorry, stupid rant over.
Edit:
I've just tried to do a more accurate calorie count for today. If something seems off to you, please let me know:
Beef jerky: 73
Cereal with milk: 200
Chickpeas: 312
Salad (1 lettuce leaf, handful of spinach, 10 cherry tomatoes, 3 inches of cucumber, juice from a lemon, tabasco): 100.
Approximately 700 cals. Hopefully that's a slight over-estimation. I feel a bit better now that I have an upper limit that's (presumably) still below my tdee. Trying not to think about the cumulative effect of all the additional milk calories I've been consuming for weeks.
[Tip] Purging and Plumbing; a different kind of harm-reduction
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Sat Apr 28 16:34:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fnafc/purging_and_plumbing_a_different_kind_of/
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Perhaps one of the very strongest testaments to just how NOT glamorous eating disorders are is the clogged toilet. I think we've all been there- having abused some poor toilet just a little more than it could handle, and suddenly it's refusing to work.
I've recently found that you can give it a hand with dish soap!! to prevent those terrible, messy situations.
It kind of sounded like bullshit at first, but when i started looking into it, yeah- dish soap dissolves fats and grease found in food (also found in fresh vomit) relieving the load on the toilet!
It's been a life saver.
Can be done regularly for maintanence, or used with a little hot water in emergencies to clear up a clog.
[Other] I genuinely love being triggered
/u/fourfoldcat
Created: Sat Apr 28 16:26:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fn8o2/i_genuinely_love_being_triggered/
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I love my boyfriend. He is the only one who supports me fasting because he thinks intermediate fasting is good. Yesterday he said that if I lost 10 more pounds I would be within the body fat range for abs, I agreed.
"With the way that last fast went, if I just do 20 more days total I could be there soon."
"Yeah..." he said "Just don't become anorexic for it hun."
I laughed, "Of course not."
Reassuring after a binge
/u/WaityKaity
Created: Sat Apr 28 16:22:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fn7vk/reassuring_after_a_binge/
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https://i.redd.it/iat12q126qu01.jpg
[Discussion] Told my fiance I wanted Chipotle. Realized it would put me over my calorie count and now I feel bad...
/u/deadlyeggroll
Created: Sat Apr 28 15:45:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fmzu4/told_my_fiance_i_wanted_chipotle_realized_it/
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I told my fiance I wanted Chipotle. So we started ordering. Then I realized I would be over my calories for the day if I did so I decided not to get any. Then he told me he would have gotten something else if I hadn't initially said that's what I wanted.
Now I feel like a butthole and my fiance is rightfully irritated at
Anybody else have moments where an ED makes you into a irrational jerk? Ugh...
[Discussion] My Fitness Pal accountability?
/u/shelifts45
Created: Sat Apr 28 15:31:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fmwpe/my_fitness_pal_accountability/
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[removed]
purging while on period ?
/u/thefigurativeworst
Created: Sat Apr 28 15:23:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fmutf/purging_while_on_period/
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was doing sort of okish at ~recovering~ this month until my period decided to come back with a hellish force, like “LOL BITCH did u FORGET THIS IS WHAT HEALTH LOOKS LIKE??? CAUSE IT’S PART OF THE PACKAGE MOFOOOO!!!”
ate probably 6000 calories yesterday while basically not exercising at all, idk it was gross, but i kept it all down because “recovering.”
flash forward to today, i actually started lifting again /and/ ate almost healthy, like 900ish calories of protein garbage instead of pure garbage, so it would have been like, beneficial and HEALTHY to keep it down BUT.
Anyways fuck bulimia. So my question is, has anyone else shat out a tampon while purging??
[Rant/Rave] [Rave] got my first gw milestone! And sooner than expected. I want to reward myself with something nice :)
/u/bashytr0n
Created: Sat Apr 28 14:46:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fmmnw/rave_got_my_first_gw_milestone_and_sooner_than/
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Specifically, i want a good pair of leggings. I dont mind spending a bit more because i live in leggings and most of my old ones are loose, saggy and cheap.
But i want your opinions, what are the **most** slimming and flattering (especially for the thighs and calves) leggings that you guys have ever tried? I need all the help i can get with my lil leggos.
Been looking at alo yoga, their stuff looks really nice but is it worth the pricetag? Any experiences you guys could share would be helpful :) thank you
[Rant/Rave] I ate so much shit at Boston Market today I wanna fuckin die you guys
/u/ELESH_NORN_DAMNIT
Created: Sat Apr 28 14:33:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fmjy6/i_ate_so_much_shit_at_boston_market_today_i_wanna/
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OK so I live at home and usually I just eat as little as humanly possible and I only eat one meal a day. If I'm home alone for a good chunk of the day I just say I ate when I was alone and put pretend trash and dirty dishes out like I did, those are my fast days. When I have to eat something I try to stick below ~600 calories...
Today on a whim I suggested to my dad that I go to fucking Boston Market, I used to go there with my ex all the time but he had never been there. (Oh my god Boston Market was my idea why did I say that I hate my life.) So I was trying to get something low-*ish* in calories but everything on the menu was like a million. So I got this stupid sandwich and soup combo which was supposed to be like 600-700 which is already a lot for me but then to get a drink with it I had to get a fucking side (fuck) and I got stuffing with vegetables (FUCK) and then the guy was gonna put gravy on the stuffing and I tried to tell him no but it was too late, he had already covered it with the FUCKING gravy and I had to eat it to look normal, FUCKKKKK
All in all I think I ate like 900-1000 calories which is the most I've eaten in a day in a really long time. Plz send help. I feel SO stuffed, like my belly literally hurts and I feel like puking. I just keep telling myself that every other day this week was between 0-600 so I should be losing next week but I'm screaming internally (ok maybe externally too)
TL;DR [me right now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-W5i5f3u00)
[Rant/Rave] I have no control
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 28 14:30:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fmj3h/i_have_no_control/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fmj3h/i_have_no_control/
[Rant/Rave] exposed about my binge
/u/kingarthersixties
Created: Sat Apr 28 14:12:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fmf5g/exposed_about_my_binge/
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I binged on the nutella we had a couple of days ago, and I was just exposed. Someone asked if I had it and when I said no he walked off back to the kitchen and said "kingarthersixties probably ate it." IM SO STRESSED. I feel like I'm going to get in trouble for this for whatever reason. Not like in a "you're grounded for eating" way, I don't think I'm getting in trouble for actually eating it, but in a "ur a fatass we need to talk about ur diet" way. I'm afraid someones gonna confront me about this and tell me I'm eating like shit and I'm gonna get fat. Idk I keep eating in secret because I'm ashamed, so maybe this is good for me because it's like a push for me to stop binging? I'm the heaviest I've ever been right now, and while I know logically I'm average and normal, I look in the mirror and just see fat. I saw a picture recently of someone with a lot of lower belly fat, and I keep thinking of myself with that fat. I myself carry a lot of fat on my stomach, and I can't tell if my stomach is actually getting bigger or if it's all in my mind. My measurements increased after I started binging, so I have definitely gotten fatter from then, but my measurements have stayed consistent after I gained ~7lbs from then. So idk. Basically my fear atm is other peope noticing my weight gain. My parents noticed my weight loss when I only lost a couple pounds, so they have to have noticed that I've gained??? This started off as me freaking out about getting exposed for my binge to talking about my measurements!! gg
[Discussion] Weird plan to battle binges... thoughts?
/u/married_to_a_reddito
Created: Sat Apr 28 13:58:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fmbye/weird_plan_to_battle_binges_thoughts/
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[removed]
[Discussion] I ate a bag of lettuce in my dream last night.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 28 13:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fm7vy/i_ate_a_bag_of_lettuce_in_my_dream_last_night/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Binge
/u/thecalcographer
Created: Sat Apr 28 13:26:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fm4ge/binge/
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I’ve been stuck in a binge cycle for over a month now and it’s driving me insane. I’m over the weight that I was pre-ED, even, but it looks like there’s no end in sight. I keep getting invited out to eat and to events with food and as much as I want to maintain a social life I just can’t control myself in those environments. I was the skinniest I’ve ever been for my college graduation and I was hoping to beat that for my master’s, but with ten pounds and twelve days to go that’s just not possible and it’s making me miserable. I wake up feeling okay and then I see myself in the mirror and my day is ruined. I can’t get dressed to go out without crying. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here.
[Help] Going to talk to a therapist after pressure from friends/bf
/u/MiauMiau1919
Created: Sat Apr 28 13:25:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fm486/going_to_talk_to_a_therapist_after_pressure_from/
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I'll be honest, I'm really not "that bad".
I kind of think my boyfriend and friends are overreacting, because I've only purged 4 times and I've only really restricted for 1 week. I kind of feel like this psychologist is going to take my money then tell me I'm fine and to stop being a hypochondriac.
Otoh I'd probably be a lot worse about purging except that I'm really scared of ruining my teeth and the other bad side effects.
I'm actually on the high end of healthy in terms of BMI, I eat a "normal" amount food, etc. I just also throw up or restrict when under stress.
I think my boyfriend is overreacting. He freaks out over every little thing, like if i want to just fast for even 1 day. I think it's because he knew a bulimic guy in high school who committed suicide.
[Discussion] I cried over the possibility of eating pasta
/u/whatxever
Created: Sat Apr 28 13:22:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fm3iw/i_cried_over_the_possibility_of_eating_pasta/
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...not even actually eating pasta lol.
Long story short, parents are disagreeing on restaurant to go to bc they can't figure out a a place to go that's vegan for me (wow I'm *such* a burden). Anyways, I hear them talking about and one mentions we could go to so and so and I can just have pasta without meat or cheese. And that is absolutely the last thing I wanted to hear. Pasta is a major fear food. So I literally burst into tears (in a different room) because that makes sense.
DAE get weirdly emotional while restricting??
[Discussion] Do you prefer to snack low calorie foods throughout the day or have one higher calorie meal and cut out snacks? Why?
/u/pointypoke
Created: Sat Apr 28 13:19:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fm2ya/do_you_prefer_to_snack_low_calorie_foods/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Rant about the Vent app
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 28 13:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fm161/rant_about_the_vent_app/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fm161/rant_about_the_vent_app/
[Other] THE WOOSH IS REAL
/u/RedFoxDVM
Created: Sat Apr 28 13:08:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fm0ez/the_woosh_is_real/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] How much thinner do I have to be for people not to think my body should be a source of shame?
/u/FromMyIvoryTower
Created: Sat Apr 28 12:58:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fly1l/how_much_thinner_do_i_have_to_be_for_people_not/
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Against my better judgement, I told my father I'm considering taking ballet classes for fun, fully prepared for a comment about how I lack the discipline to accomplish anything. He responded, "I dated a ballerina once and an incredible amount of humiliation is involved. A class full of girls half your size would mock you relentlessly. Someone like you wouldn't be able to take it." I know it's a hyperbole, but half my size isn't fucking alive. Considering my appearance has been degraded in much more creative and cruel ways, I don't know why I'm seething.
[Discussion] We have pre-diabetes and pre-hypertensive. Why no pre-ED?
/u/BlackHairedBloodElf
Created: Sat Apr 28 11:57:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fljne/we_have_prediabetes_and_prehypertensive_why_no/
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I don't feel like I have a full eating disorder so I go a bit nuts inside when I get accused of one.
But I know I obsess over foods too much and it made me wonder. Why no pre-anorexia?
Here are my "symptoms":
* Freak out over hearing I have to eat at a restaurant that doesn't have a calorie count to the point where I don't want to socialize anymore. Anxiety attacks happen.
* Weight loss deficits over 250 cals a day at low weights even though its unsafe.
* I am consistently underweight but have never been under 17.5 BMI. Normal weight is still "too fat" on my own body.
* I panic at weight gain and will undereat no matter my activity level but I never go under 1200 calories.
* I "forget" work pot lucks all the time and pack my own lunch. I will eat some fresh fruit or veg if pressured by others.
* I will work out for 1h 30 mins daily if allowed. That's too much to be safe but is just under my "passing out/heat stroke" limit.
* If I hear of a new low calorie food, I will beg someone to go with me to get it because my social anxiety won't let me go alone. I did this with Maxim gold Mocha instant coffee (55kcal/pk) and Celestial Seasonings herbal tea (0 kcal) just this week.
* I grocery shop obsessively by going almost daily even though I am organized enough to shorten that to 1x a week.
Even with all this, I still register as healthy at the doctor's office and I feel I can maintain myself mentally just okay for now. I would accept the diagnosis of pre-anorexia if given but would only tell my partner.
Do any of you feel like this? What would your pre-ED symptoms be?
[Other] Too hot today for a hoodie. Nervous about today....
/u/Derpy_Purple
Created: Sat Apr 28 11:26:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8flcgg/too_hot_today_for_a_hoodie_nervous_about_today/
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https://i.redd.it/862ji9v9pou01.jpg
[Discussion] Less expensive alternative to Diet Coke/Pepsi?
/u/happymasq
Created: Sat Apr 28 11:13:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fl9gg/less_expensive_alternative_to_diet_cokepepsi/
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My poor habits have landed me in a situation where I'm compelled to drink 2-6 Diet pops to get through my day (which begins at 4AM and ends at 9PM with 8-10hrs of work in between).
Unfortunately, I simply cannot afford to be spending $30/month on soda. I began taking caffeine pills this week as a more affordable energy boost, but found myself craving the artificial sweetener and taste of Diet Coke/Pepsi. I caved in midweek and bought another pack of Diet Pepsi and hated myself for it.
Has anyone found a more affordable way to satisfy the craving without adding calories?
[Rant/Rave] "Perfect little anime doll"
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Sat Apr 28 11:10:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fl8mq/perfect_little_anime_doll/
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I am BEAMING. Yesterday my aunt said I looked like a "perfect little anime doll" because I'm "small with big eyes and cool hair" (recently dyed my hair blue) I am over the fuckin moon. Also, my cousin would NOT believe I was 18 because I'm so "little" (second time being called little that day). Yesterday was absoloutely horrific for other reasons, but I'm trying to focus on that:)
[Rant/Rave] WHY is My Mom Like This??? (Ranting)
/u/UnderseaK
Created: Sat Apr 28 10:57:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fl5jf/why_is_my_mom_like_this_ranting/
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Bit of background, my weight had fluctuated wildly forever. I was content with being a little bigger as a kid, because I was tall and carried it well. Then I started getting bullied and got sexually abused when I was 13, and got rocketed into anorexia. I recovered and was overweight but pretty stable, but when I got pregnant with my littlest I got fat. Really, really fat. Thing is, I was happy. For the first time since I was little, I was happy with my body. I idolized plus size models, my weight was at least stable, and my doctor wasn't concerned.
But my freaking mother. Every time we talked, I would get disdainful looks and comments. I told her my doctor was fine with me and I was happy, and she kept saying "Oh honey, no one could be healthy at *your* weight." And I ended up relapsing after 7 freaking years of being better.
I am so much worse off now, and suddenly my mom is surprised and concerned. She calls me a skeleton (so not one) and tells me I need to eat every time we talk. Today though, she really took home the prize for triggering. We were skyping, and my younger sister comes in. My mom goes "Oh, Sistersname has lost so much weight! Doesn't she looks better and healthier?" I congratulate my sister because I know her weight loss was intentional and done safely. But then my mom hits me with "Oh, but UnderseaK, a couple years back you were so much heavier and saying you were doing well. What happened to that?" AND, she said this in front of my FOUR YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. She KNOWS I don't talk about weight with my girls.
I just can't win, can I, mom? Last time I visited I stayed for a week, and even though I hadn't purged for a month before that, I ended up purging every single day I was there.
Why does she do this to me, and then act so surprised? She's either completely oblivious or very cruel. I don't know which.
Are all mothers like this or is mine just wretched? I would never treat my children like she treats me...
[Rant/Rave] Exhausted after Purge. Ruining my Life
/u/Lana_Katt
Created: Sat Apr 28 10:53:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fl4ga/exhausted_after_purge_ruining_my_life/
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I was in a good mood on Friday and felt well-rested and focused after not purging for almost a week. However, I ended up bingeing on sugary cereal, ice cream, and chicken/vegetables from Nandos, as well as a salad from SweetGreen and half a cookie.
I ended up purging 3 separate times during the day, and they were really heavy purges too. I tried my best to replenish my electrolytes, but ended up falling asleep at 10:00 pm and didn't wake up until 11:00 am (13 hours) :( This makes me very sad because I am SO behind with my school work and have finals coming up and a million things to do before Monday, and I feel like I have no time. My brain feels foggy and I can't focus on work. My eyes are extremely swollen and I honestly look so sick I am scared to go outside. I look like an extra on the Walking Dead lol. I am very anemic, so I am really pale and have bad dark circles, a puffy face, and puffy eyes. When I go out like this, complete strangers ask me if I'm okay.
I am scared to eat any food, but even after all that sleep I STILL feel exhausted and my arms hurt, and my pulse is 46 bpm. I hate how difficult this is for me and how teachers think I'm "lazy" or that I don't care. I never go out partying or even watch TV shows or anything, my whole day is spent obsessing over food, counting calories, cooking, at the doctor, grocery shopping, or spending hours binging/purging, and hours sleeping. This is ruining my life :(
You know you've hit a new low when you carry brown paper bags around so you can chew and spit without being caught
/u/sad_skelly
Created: Sat Apr 28 10:42:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fl1ts/you_know_youve_hit_a_new_low_when_you_carry_brown/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] My ED has isolated so many of my friends :(
/u/xveritaserumx
Created: Sat Apr 28 10:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fl01q/my_ed_has_isolated_so_many_of_my_friends/
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Some context: today, a group of my friends decided to get together and do a potluck to celebrate the end of the semester/start of finals week. I was originally going to fast for a few days and then attend, but at last minute, I got cold feet and decided not to. I saw on the sign-up sheet what everyone was bringing and there were so many damn delicious trigger foods (mac and cheese, potato salad, etc)
I just hate how most social gatherings nowadays revolve around food - meeting at a restaurant, going for dessert, potlucks, coffee, etc. I'm finding that I need to decline every single invite because I can't enjoy myself when food is involved. It makes me so damn frustrated. Whenever I see a "wannarexic" post on Tumblr I want to shake them and scream, "SURE, GO AHEAD, IF YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDLESS AND HATED BY YOUR FAMILY."
So instead of potluck, I'm sitting here at home playing video games and reading books. Which I don't mind. But sometimes I'd really just like to see my friends :/
[Discussion] Amazing Energy One Day No Energy The Next
/u/arandomnamebcimlazy
Created: Sat Apr 28 10:21:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkwx3/amazing_energy_one_day_no_energy_the_next/
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Does anyone have on and off days with their energy. Yesterday, after eating around 2,000 calories, I could only pull a 20 minute workout. However, this morning I had 400 calories for breakfast and I worked out for an hour and fifty minutes. Is it just normal to have great energy one day, but shit energy the next? Anyone else deal with this? Any suggestions or ideas?
[Discussion] Recovery Report
/u/lilaclia
Created: Sat Apr 28 10:17:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkw8d/recovery_report/
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I'm not sure how this will be received, but here goes.
I started recovery on 3/8/18 and wanted to document my experiences so far. Recovery can feel like treading the unknown and many people try to make it seem like once you decide to recover it's no problem. There is a tendency to present as a finished product of recovery and not really talk about the actual recovery experience, so I hope I can fill in some of those gaps.
This has been the best decision I've made for myself, no doubt. I feel like I'm getting my life back and the ability to actually derive pleasure and positive emotions from my existence. It's not been easy but sure as hell worth it.
**Changes one month into recovery:**
* 107.4 / 48.7 to 120.8 / 54.79
* bmi 18.4 to 20.7
* extreme hunger (no lie had to be 5,000-10,000 cals each day) for 2 weeks that diminished to more "normal" hunger levels (I'm guessing 3,000-4,000?)
* very uncomfortable bloating aka refeeding belly till week 3
* size 2 to 4 almost 6
* weight gain stabilized by week 3.5 (much to my relief)
* vegetarian diet to no restrictions
* no calorie counting or weighing food
* I don't wear my Garmin watch anymore
* no exercising! except a few times in week 1 on the exercise bike (I do take my dog to the park once per week but walk casually and bring a snack)
* wanting so bad to relapse about 34124995 times and crying because the internal conflict is so intense
* body shape from inverted triangle to pear
* the mental fogginess cleared about week 2
* got my period back week 2
* feeling like I can connect and form relationships with people much easier
* not experiencing life hyper-focused on food and devoid of any pleasure or positive emotion
* sex drive is definitely back
* somehow more confident and less of a doormat?
* no freaking clue how to deal with negative emotions
* staying as far away from food as possible to now always carrying some in case of emergencies
* re-experiencing bonding with people by sharing a meal
* enjoying a night of drinking without overwhelming guilt in the morning
* bra size 32 B to 34 C almost D lol
number of relapses: 3
**4/2/18**
**am**
I don't think I can do this recovery thing anymore. I don't want to maintain in the 120's. These size 4 jeans are too snug on me, and I refuse to buy anything size 6. Mediums are too tight. Everything feels wrong. Existing this size feels wrong.
Family took pictures for Easter Sunday, and I don't recognize myself. I'm assuming my body dysmorphia is really fucking with my head because I'm still not at my highest weight yet it seems like the biggest I've ever been. My collarbones are disappearing. I don't want to be this size anymore, and I can't bear the thought of gaining more weight.
I know the weight I've gained is noticeable. I know people can tell I've put on 10+ lbs because I HAVE and it's embarrassing. I really want to restrict. I can't take this anymore.
**pm**
This has been a really difficult day in recovery. This morning, I was so freaking tired of feeling larger and made up my mind to fully relapse. I had it all planned out, too. I charged + wore my Garmin watch for my steps and TDEE, I entered my breakfast in to MFP and calculated my net carbs with the intention to jump into keto again, I submerged myself in thinspo, and popped an EC stack.
When I got home from class, I went to change into workout clothes to get on our exercise bike and broke down. I couldn't believe how set I was on relapsing and throwing away all of the beautiful moments I experience on a daily basis now that I'm not starving myself. I considered my options.
One path, that I've been down many times before, would lead me to thinness, of course. But also social isolation, emotional distance from everyone even AM, mental/emotional misery and feeling like shit daily, being boring as shit, and physical deterioration.
I have no idea what the fuck this other path will result in, but along the way I've been able to experience something meaningful for once. I'm way less socially weird, I feel like I can connect with people, I'm much more confident in my role as nurse, AM & I are more intimate, and I can experience positive feelings naturally(!) like normal people because I'm not destroying myself. I have goals I want to achieve beyond my physical appearance.
I want to see what my life is without an ED, so I'm going to go eat now.
**4/11/18**
I think I'm not going to relapse? I hate this! I want to every single day, but I feel like I'm on the verge of being okay with my body especially since my weight is plateauing. I really thought I would have to see 130 before it's all said & done.
When I was set on relapsing I asked myself how long I could keep the relapse up. Do I really want to go into my 30's with an ED?? I know I don't want to go through the first phase of recovery again because it's very hard.
I hate EDs. Time for a glass of wine.
**4/19/18**
I just "exercised" by learning a dance to one of my favorite kpop songs (Bad Boy by Red Velvet) FOR FUN without counting calories! And I am definitely eating as much as I want for dinner!! This was all after I went out to eat and for coffee with friends! To top it off, I thought I looked cute today. Recovery can be awesome.
**4/27/18**
Life is pretty good right now. Some days I even forget I have an ED and am in recovery. I'm happy I went all-in for recovery and gave up being vegetarian/vegan/healthy. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't.
I'm starting to feel at home in my body. I'm not doing a single thing to manipulate it which was my goal. I want to accept my body as it is without any exercising or food restriction whatsoever, and it's going well! I weighed myself the other day. I was 125.3 and was surprised at how little I felt about that number. Not happy or depressed. Acceptance without wanting to change. A huge improvement! Sometimes I catch my reflection in the mirror and think wow.... I actually look much better this way. Beautiful, even. Fight me.
I eat however much I want of whatever I want whenever I want. NO restriction. NO counting or weighing. NO guilt and shame. NO bargaining with myself about how I need to make up for it by exercising X hours or restricting to X calories the rest of the day. It's freedom.
The recovery belly is redistributing a little each day, and my figure is filling out in a nice way. I'm a D cup now lmao. Maybe it won't be this way forever because I've read that most people overshoot their ideal weight set point, but I'm content to feel the amount of acceptance I have where I'm at.
**My misconceptions about recovery:**
* That you are weight restored and healthy once you get your period back, and there's no reason to pursue recovery as strongly anymore.
* That you will continue gaining weight forever and not plateau at your ideal weight or slightly higher.
* To ever lose weight again you have to intentionally eat at a deficit, actively restrict, cut out food groups, exercise, etc.
* That everyone will notice your weight gain and treat you differently.
* That eating more would not help anything because in the end you're still stuck with the problems that led to your ED in the first place. (false - it's incredible what a healthy, nourished mind and body can do for mental health and coping)
* That you only need to respond to mental hunger in the early stages of recovery.
* That I can count calories and weigh food and still consider myself in recovery.
* That you are not like everyone else and ______ won't happen to you during recovery.
* That "intuitive eating" is a lie people tell themselves to make them feel better about eating anything and everything.
* That there is a way to shortcut recovery.
* That you need to restrict, exercise, or follow a meal plan to maintain at your optimal weight.
* That you need to follow a meal plan or count calories to recover properly. (this was something I told myself when I wanted an excuse to continue counting calories and to not challenge my progress with new food)
* That you need a team of dietitians/nutritionists, doctors, and therapists to recover.
* That you need to go to IP to recover.
* That you have to be X weight or X BMI to recover.
* That attempting to eat clean or only eat "healthy" foods during recovery is my good intention and not the ED.
If anyone has any questions, I will do my best to answer them. If you read all of this, hello and thank you :)
[Other] used my mom’s library card to check out books, got this text while at work. i’m shaking
/u/clemintide
Created: Sat Apr 28 10:15:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkvl3/used_my_moms_library_card_to_check_out_books_got/
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https://i.redd.it/th2o1xgfcou01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] [rave] mom keeps food for me!!
/u/chzkayla
Created: Sat Apr 28 10:14:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkvh8/rave_mom_keeps_food_for_me/
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i have been a long time lurker here, and never really had anything to post anything here but idk today i am really happy so here it is!
basically i have 2 sibs, 2 brother, skinny mofos. while i’m a fat whale. i have been losing weight ‘drastically’ over the past few months, and my mom is starting to pay attention to the fact that i’m not eating and stuff.
i heard her scream at my brother for eating the orange chocolate that she got somebody to buy from the united kingdom(i don’t stay in UK) for me.
and she went like “that’s your sister’s. don’t eat it. it’s hers, stop eating it!!” and i was like woah mom, you never done that.
she never kept food for me if i come back late, and she would always tell me how fat i am and stuff like that in the past. and now she’s like “do you want to eat this? do you wanna eat that?” “let’s go your favorite restaurant” then later she came up to my room and told me to quickly eat the chocolate or else my brothers would eat it all up.
i know it’s pathetic to feel happy. but idk i feel happy.
but haven’t eaten the chocolate, and honestly do not intend to eat it. LOL.
[Discussion] can’t deny my weight gain anymore
/u/lowkeydeadinside
Created: Sat Apr 28 10:10:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkuo4/cant_deny_my_weight_gain_anymore/
---
I finally had to own up to it and update my flair. I keep telling myself I’m *actually* still 130 no matter how many times I weigh myself and see that I’m almost 20 pounds heavier than that. I’ve had the hardest time accepting that I’m almost 150 pounds. I think denial is one of the reasons I’ve had such a hard time losing weight, because I keep telling myself I’m a healthy weight and that’s okay.
I feel so alone being so heavy and having gained literally 30 pounds since August. I feel like I don’t *really* have an eating disorder because if I did I’d be losing.
Has anyone else felt this way? I feel so alone in this.
[Discussion] It's been really liberating for me to be open about my eating disorder.
/u/sweettutu64
Created: Sat Apr 28 10:09:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkufr/its_been_really_liberating_for_me_to_be_open/
---
I started going to therapy for recovery in early February and it's been tremendously helpful! I was going through a long binge period and learned a lot of helpful coping methods for those. One of the things that I've been doing is just being open and honest about my disorder, not with casual acquaintances but with family and friends. When my mom talked about her keto diet and suggested I try it, I just told her that I didn't think it would be good for recovery and that was that! She didn't push and prod me to try it like before, and actually agreed! I also learned just how big my support system is, and I feel like I've become closer to everyone important to me as a result of it. My disorder was this huge secret I kept from everyone and it's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I don't feel like I need to hide my feelings and struggles from everyone now.
[Help] how do i eliminate bloating dysphoria when i can't make myself purge?
/u/jumpingm1ce
Created: Sat Apr 28 09:51:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkq1t/how_do_i_eliminate_bloating_dysphoria_when_i_cant/
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ive hit my ugw and im just going down from there and mostly focus on maintenance. the week before my period (i call it my monthly hungry week) is the only time in which i might break at this point,but when it happens it's really bad. I ate an insane amount of food,tons of dairy and oils and i can't make myself purge,something that's usually really easy for me. How do i get rid of the feeling.
[Help] Please help: How to start getting help?
/u/dumpsterfiredive
Created: Sat Apr 28 09:33:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkm5m/please_help_how_to_start_getting_help/
---
Hey everyone!
I hope everyone is doing alright. I've been lurking on this sub and others for close to two years, and dozens of blogs before that. I'm lying on my bathroom floor after a particularly nasty purge and have decided that enough is enough.
I'm 21 years old now. I have had bulimia for probably 6 of those years and body issues as long as I can remember. Purging dictates my entire life. I'm pretty underweight; ~88 lbs at 5'6 (~40kg at 1.70m). It's no longer about having to purge, it's about not being able not to. I get nauseous as soon as I eat anything. In some sick way I used to be proud of myself for being so in control, now I just hate the lack of control over my own body. I'm so ugly, my skin just kind of awkwardly hugs my bones. There is no leanness, no daintiness, no elegance. Just awkward angles and movements. I hate what I have become.
Even worse are the effects on my health. I already mentioned the constant puking, I don't even have to induce it anymore. My hair is like straw, no treatment or supplement helps. My nails are brittle, thin, sharp, and yellow. My skin is like a corpse's, pale and dull. I'm so cold all the time, always bruised. And my teeth, o god my teeth. I probably haven't smiled in two years. They are stained yellow, super sensitive, quite eroded, and I probably need soo much work done. I hate my teeth most of all.
This is it for me. I need help. I could be so much more, so much happier. Today is Saturday, I'm going to look for help first thing on Monday. There is no other option. I've thought about help many times before, but always relapsed. This is final, though, because I know that it will otherwise be the death of me.
It's just so overwhelming, I don't know where to start. I'm so embarrassed of my body and my teeth. I suppose it's all going to be easier when I've made the first step, but I panic whenever I think about it. Where do I start? Probably my family doctor, but what should I say? What will they say? I'm afraid of being committed, but I understand that's a possibility. I need some therapy as well, do I need to do that myself or will my doctor refer me? Would the dental procedures be cosmetic or not? I need to have a good look at my insurance I guess, it's not the best.
Anyone who has made the decision to recover before, how did it go? I'm just super overwhelmed about the entire process and I'm afraid of people's reaction. I'm so ashamed of everything I've done to myself. Any help and support would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you so much <3
[Discussion] Trying on children's clothes?
/u/gasstationfantasy
Created: Sat Apr 28 09:25:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkkam/trying_on_childrens_clothes/
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About a year ago I started babysitting my cousins, Marievel(10) and Arely(11). They are both around 90 lbs . While they're watching tv I sometimes sneak into their room and try on their clothes to see if they fit. It's like my guilty pleasure.Super weird but it makes me feel better about myself lol.
[Rant/Rave] When you thought you were getting the product with the least calories
/u/Thisisntmybaby42
Created: Sat Apr 28 09:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkfma/when_you_thought_you_were_getting_the_product/
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But it turns out there’s 2 servings
Fml
[Tip] High protein breakfast ideas under 80 cals?
/u/Grellous8
Created: Sat Apr 28 09:00:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkei3/high_protein_breakfast_ideas_under_80_cals/
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1 egg with salt and pepper (~78-90)
11 almonds (~77)
A Cheestring (~60-90)
1/4 cup plain nonfat greek yogurt (~33.33)
1/2 cup plain nonfat greek yogurt (~66.66)
What else? Any and all ideas appreciated.
[Rant/Rave] Can't enjoy a major victory because of my fat face
/u/yourdjspeaks
Created: Sat Apr 28 08:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fkabu/cant_enjoy_a_major_victory_because_of_my_fat_face/
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Hey everybody,
23-year-old chick here (yes, I know, I'm a grandma). I moved to NYC in August 2016 feeling absolutely disgusting at 115 pounds (I'm 5'6"). I decided to go down to 105 so I could have a BMI of less than 17, but I was dealing with a lot of shit (had just graduated college, was responsible for all my own food for the first time, first job, my OCD was at an all-time high) and it just never happened. Well, I've recently gotten my ass in gear and today I'm 105 pounds, or a BMI of 16.9!
(Side note: I don't think I'd have been able to do this without the inspiration of one of my favorite bands, Sparks. They're two brothers from the 70s/80s who not only make incredible music but are fucking great thinspo, having had BMIs below 17 for most of their lives. [This pic](https://imgur.com/N1pydio) and [this article](https://imgur.com/Y7UkBzl) were my main inspiration for putting the fucking fork down.)
ANYWAY. The point is, I don't even feel happy about this because while my rib cage is finally visible and my hips are finally poking out, MY FACE IS SO FUCKING FAT. I literally have the face of an obese person and it makes me want to fucking die. And since faces are what people primarily focus on, I'm guessing people still think I'm fat.
Does anyone have any tips? Do I need plastic surgery (I don't know how I'd ever be able to afford it) or should I just keep losing? I think I'm gonna see if going down to 100 helps with the face thing at all. I weighed 99 in high school and still had a fat face then, though, so I don't know if it will. :(
I just want to be skinny and pretty and my face won't let that happen.
[Discussion] Wish me luck, all!
/u/Grellous8
Created: Sat Apr 28 08:40:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fka9c/wish_me_luck_all/
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[removed]
[Other] Things are very bad for me.
/u/NoMindNeverMatter
Created: Sat Apr 28 08:31:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fk87z/things_are_very_bad_for_me/
---
In the past 48 days, I’ve fasted for 24 of them (extended fasts—I only count ones over 48 hours, not OMADs.)
The more weight I lose, the worse my body looks. I seriously look so disproportionate. It’s terrible. I’ve lost 50 pounds and I just look fatter somehow? I have pockets of fat everywhere that don’t look right. I don’t look round like I did, I just look...gross and unappealing.
My ED stems from a need for control and focus, but I’m slipping. I didn’t even want to start another 5-7 day fast yet (I ended a 7 day one on the 23rd) but I don’t think I can eat for several more days now. It feels physically impossible and the concept makes me queasy. It’s like once I know in my brain I can get away with it because no one will notice, I should do it. I’m losing control on the one thing that makes me feel in control, which is freaking me out.
I just needed someone to know. Thanks for reading.
[Rant/Rave] I really ought to weigh myself, but I can't bring myself to.
/u/FelyneSharpshooter
Created: Sat Apr 28 08:23:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fk6o5/i_really_ought_to_weigh_myself_but_i_cant_bring/
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I have this bad habit of never weighing myself, generally out of fear. What if my weight hasn't changed? What if I've gained weight? Is my scale really accurate? So I end up not knowing where I'm at. I could be ten pounds lighter and not know it because I just can't do it. I know I should ideally weigh myself once a week or so, but I end up doing it maybe once a month. To be honest I haven't weighed myself (excluding doctor appointments) since January. It's sad, really.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I think I just needed to vent. Thank you for listening.
Is It Too Early To Post Halloween Costume Ideas?
/u/FoofyFoof
Created: Sat Apr 28 07:51:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fk02f/is_it_too_early_to_post_halloween_costume_ideas/
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https://i.redd.it/jaa8sk7aahu01.jpg
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! April 28, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 28 06:11:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fji7g/stupid_questions_saturday_april_28_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for April 28, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 28, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 28 06:11:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fji4u/daily_food_diary_april_28_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 28, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] I'm so ashamed (emotional rant)
/u/CoffeeAndArt
Created: Sat Apr 28 06:08:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fjhls/im_so_ashamed_emotional_rant/
---
I'm so pissed at myself... I was SO close to a full day fast, something my bingeing ass has never accomplished. I burned 1702 calories and only had coffee and gum (which I don't count). I was so proud, I finally felt in control. I had a party and I lasted so long, people all round offered my food and alcohol and ate around me, they even had pizza which goddamn I love, but I didn't gived in. I stayed strong, it was only 5 minutes til I got home and I was finally going to do it. But then something in my brain just snapped and before I knew it I had eaten two decadent chocolate cookies and a mini packet of skittles... I'm so fucking mad at myself. I can't believe I came so close only to ruin it at the last minute because I have no self control. Overall, today I ate 277 calories and while that's way less than I usually have I still feel so fat and gross and ashamed... I hate myself I'm so disgusting...
[Rant/Rave] Terrified to graduate
/u/Snowbae
Created: Sat Apr 28 04:52:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fj6do/terrified_to_graduate/
---
So, I’m currently finishing my masters year of uni. This year I’ve basically been living with my boyfriend which has been great in so many ways. I don’t ACTUALLY live here but I might as well at this point. I eat all my meals with my bf and it makes life so much easier because I can avoid the dreaded b/p cycle cos I’m never actually alone. This has meant my eating disorder has barely even been an issue for ages. When I’m alone (ie bf on night out/go home to visit parents) I do slip up, but again it’s minor compared to last years daily b/p sessions.
Anyway, from july we won’t be living together and I am TERRIFIED. I know from how I still get b/p urges that my ED is gonna come back with a vengeance. I keep looking at rooms to rent for Sept with ensuites which would be incredible but I also don’t want one as it would make b/p so much easier :( I think me and bf are gonna break up too (distance/me being more into it than him) and I just know it’s gonna send me on a spiral. I feel like I’m just waiting for everything to collapse.
I also feel v ungrateful because I am SO LUCKY. I have been offered an incredible job w a huge company and will be living the high life in London but just don’t want it. So many of my friends have no options for next year but I just don’t want it. It’s gonna be a high pressure job though so that’s another element of stress cos I feel under qualified.
It’s so weird because right now I’m pretty much fine. Smashing uni, eating is fine, not scared of food/shopping, but I’m just terrified for the future.
[Rant/Rave] when you're dating someone for the first time in your life but your ed/ body dysphoria can't let you fucking enjoy yourself lol
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 28 04:48:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fj5q6/when_youre_dating_someone_for_the_first_time_in/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] My 3-week b/p free streak ended this morning :(
/u/mina1200
Created: Sat Apr 28 03:59:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fiz0n/my_3week_bp_free_streak_ended_this_morning/
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[removed]
[Help] On Passing Out
/u/happyricecake
Created: Sat Apr 28 03:56:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fiylq/on_passing_out/
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My chest has been hurting lately, I'm assuming because my heart has become very weak, and I passed out on the train earlier today. This is the second time it's happened out of the blue (other times were when donating blood in the past) and I can usually tell it's going to happen because my hands go numb and my vision starts to go and everything hurts a lot. I literally felt like I was dying. The thing is, I've been maintaining my weight for the past several months and eating in the 900-1400 calorie range (probably averaging 1,000-1,200ish a day I'd say) so I don't feel that I should be so weak.
Maybe the reason for this is that for several months instead of eating nutritionally dense food but low calorie, I opted for small portions of junk leaving me pretty malnourished. I've started cutting back on the junk and eating more nutritious foods (sucks tbh, I was satisfied with little food as long as I had sweets) and taking some vitamins, but it doesn't seem to be doing much for me.
I guess what I want to ask is, any advice for retaining my health somewhat? I don't want to have to be hospitalized or anything like that. Also I'd appreciate anyone sharing their experiences on this type of thing.
Just bought 10 avocados for this week to increase my intake of good fats while reducing empty carb and sugar intake
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Sat Apr 28 03:26:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fiuqp/just_bought_10_avocados_for_this_week_to_increase/
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Because, you know, gotta do everything at total extremes when you’ve got this kind of fucked up mind 🙄
[Help] Severe depression for a month (TW)
/u/SilentExpression
Created: Sat Apr 28 02:10:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fikyw/severe_depression_for_a_month_tw/
---
Hi. I don't really know where to turn to so I came here. About a month ago I started getting very depressed out of nowhere. A lot of it was partly ED related. For example I cried when I ran out of apples to eat because I really couldn't be bothered to go to the shops and buy apples because it's all I ever eat and it's getting so monotonous and boring. I also cried when my partner gave me half a cheese and ham sandwich because it was so depressing having just half and yet still feeling guilty when I used to love cheese and ham sandwiches. I cry nearly every day because deciding what to eat is so stressful since I'd actually rather starve myself than eat more apples at this point. It's all stuff that seems really silly to cry over but I can't help it.
Recently my partner said that if my mood swings and ED continue I should maybe move back in with my parents. She said she doesn't want to break up with me but she's struggling to watch me hurt myself. Since then I've felt even worse. My ED has been with me for almost 8 years and it's become part of who I am and given me communities like this when there's no one else to turn to. Now it's just causing me and everyone around me so much pain. I feel so much grief as if I'm losing a friend.
I've been feeling suicidal and bought 2 boxes of Panadol Rapid to overdose on but haven't got around to it yet because of my partner. I've even thought about trying to admit myself to a metal health ward but was scared that they'd either not take me seriously or take me too seriously and section me so I'm trapped in there for months or so.
On a happier note I've found that playing the Sims is one thing that distracts me but I'm worried that it's just avoidance.
Dose anyone have any advise?
[Help] brain fog, low energy even when restoring/gaining weight
/u/petrichur
Created: Sat Apr 28 02:07:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fikmw/brain_fog_low_energy_even_when_restoringgaining/
---
Hello there,
I've been a lurker for such a long time and never admitted that I have had a problem with restriction and disordered eating, dropping 13kg in six months from my highest and living in a starve/binge cycle for the last few years. I have been suffering with general brain fog and low energy even when I eat more than my TDEE and purely wholefoods (I am vegan).
I am gaining weight and although I'm not at a healthy BMI yet (my lowest was 47kg at 5'7 which wasn't even that low and now I'm at 52.5kg) I still have these symptoms although I've had a period (I lost it for 2ish years oops).
I just don't know if anyone can relate because I wouldn't even be eating so much if I didn't have this damn foggy head that makes it hard to focus on my studies and I look flabbier than ever and I haven't even got rid of it through gaining weight. I really want to recover but I just don't know what to do or I've fucked up my brain permanently :(
edit: I've recently had lots of blood tests, ECG, Doppler etc that show nothing out of the ordinary :( also experiencing blurry vision
[Help] URGENT: How to stop bingeing at a party?
/u/CoffeeAndArt
Created: Sat Apr 28 01:39:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8figsv/urgent_how_to_stop_bingeing_at_a_party/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] I am an idiot.
/u/rosecoloredidiot
Created: Sat Apr 28 01:13:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fid9e/i_am_an_idiot/
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So I have been having some bad anxiety since last night and am trying to deal with it at work. It was stressful enough because I'm terrified of going home in case I get fired or something ridiculous like that.
So I go into the office dining room for water and notice these Lindt Emoji chocolates, and I just eat one. They're pretty small, so I thought they'd be 30-40kcal at most. So I went to go log the chocolate.
Boy was I fucking *wrong*. This stupid piece of chocolate was **160 fucking calories.** Yep. 160. I started to panic even more after learning this. That's almost an entire meal's worth of chocolate. It was like one bite!
I hate myself rn. 🙃
[Discussion] I Need Help With Skin Care
/u/fuckingilluminated
Created: Sat Apr 28 00:41:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fi8ft/i_need_help_with_skin_care/
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Hey, does anybody have any good recommendations for loose soon and stretch marks? I know toning workouts, lemons, aloe vera, oils, the cold, and scrubs are good. But I was wondering if anybody have anything a little more uncommon? Or if somebody had a product they could swear by? I'd be forever grateful.
*Also wasn't sure if this would go into discussion or tip? Sorry for anything in advance.
[Rant/Rave] Tmw...
/u/CoffeeAndArt
Created: Sat Apr 28 00:33:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fi78x/tmw/
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[removed]
[Discussion] The day after my 2000 calorie nut binge
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Sat Apr 28 00:19:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fi591/the_day_after_my_2000_calorie_nut_binge/
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Decided to be kind to myself today. Not set myself unrealistic goals (ie 5 day fast) and to not beat myself up about yesterday. It’s done, there’s nothing I can do it about it now.
I had been losing steadily for 5 months, but the past 5 weeks have been losing and gaining the same 2kg.
Here is what I ate today:
Coffee
Breakfast kale smoothie- kale broccoli grapefruit juice and tahini
Lunch steamed Brussel sprouts and mushrooms
Dinner kale smoothie, Brussel sprouts and mushrooms (raw)
Normally I only eat one meal a day but I think this is leading to my binging. Will try having three meals a day (or smoothies) and see if this prevents it. Will keep you guys updated
[Tip] Beware of diet pills
/u/birdlawlogic
Created: Fri Apr 27 23:03:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fhskl/beware_of_diet_pills/
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I tried to find a natural diet pill with good reviews and ordered Skinny gal weight loss for women. I took one and woke up the next morning down a pound. The next morning I took another and per the instructions, took one before eating. It’s odd but while I felt hunger my appetite was suppressed. Anyway I had a terrible reaction at work. I’ve had panic attacks before but this was one of the worst I thought I was actually going to pass out. My heart felt out of wack and I felt detached from reality. I was pacing and jittery. And I work at a daycare this sort of thing doesn’t fly. Anyway I was looking though the reviews and it looks like the company is manipulating them. I worked at a weird company that did something similar. When I did a google search on the pills one site was suggesting they were using unsafe ingredients.
Anyway stay the fuck away from diet pills even the natural ones. It’s not worth possibly dying a weird pilly death and I think the pound loss was just from restricting/water weight.
Be safe y’all
[Goal] I hit my (first, big) goal weight!
/u/LosingLemur
Created: Fri Apr 27 22:59:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fhrwh/i_hit_my_first_big_goal_weight/
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Holy shit. I've been fighting for this for so long.... 150 seemed unattainable a year ago. So many times I wanted to just give in and give up when it was just so exhausting and when the losses would stall out for days and weeks at a time. Now that I'm here... of course I need to lose ten more pounds, ha ha. But for all of you that have ever felt like you don't belong here because you're starting out at a higher weight than the "real" EDers, squash that noise. We're all in this together, even the most fucked up parts. I've been obese for the better part of the last 15 years, and still can't wrap my brain around being in the 'normal' weight range and BMI. I'm a long LONG time lurker here (and just made an account a couple of months ago) but this community has helped me so much, to know that others out there (of all sizes) are wrestling with the same demons and fighting the same fight, day in and day out. You guys are an amazing community...thank you.
[Help] Throat strain from purging. Help me
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Fri Apr 27 22:25:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fhm6a/throat_strain_from_purging_help_me/
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I purged the other day, quit smoking today thinking that my ability to purge is more important than getting a nicotine buzz. The other day I guess I strained my throat purging and since then when I turn my head or swallow it makes a noise where it sounds like when you move your wrist around and it makes lil cracking sounds. It feels like it too. Like “move...snap” Is it cartilage? Muscles? It’s fucking scaring me. I couldn’t stop myself from binging just now and I’m crying because I’m not about to purge and I gained 4 pounds just now. I’ve had throat problems all along but it’s never felt like this before. Has anyone else experienced this? It feels like my esophagus is lined with bone. Does this mean I need to stop purging for good? Cuz if that’s the case I need some fuckin help.
[Other] I love you guys
/u/Fatalope
Created: Fri Apr 27 22:17:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fhkmt/i_love_you_guys/
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I am a bit tipsy and dyslexic so please excuse any and all misspells/ words that dont make sense/ramblys
But omg I have never found such a loving, caring place! You all give the most heartfelt complements and advice no matter what the situation!!
I post here semi-often and each time I am bombarded with love, advice and encouragement, and not the encouragement to continue with an ED but to love myself. I love it!! As some one who developed an ed at 12, and is 20 now. I started off with the pro-ed blogs which, were nice and good means to. Were ducking vile and so damn toxic!
Joining this group I was bracing myself for toxicity and what I came to expect from the other blogs. But yous just continue to blow me away!
I just love you all and even though we bond over such a horrible and messed up disease... we can still be supportive and caring towards total strangers and wouldn't wish this hell on our worse enemy and I just love yous!
[Help] Dulcolax reviews and also fuck my life
/u/yaogauiasaurus
Created: Fri Apr 27 22:14:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fhk54/dulcolax_reviews_and_also_fuck_my_life/
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Ok so I foolishly stole and took 3 of my husbands dulcolax after not pooping for 5-6 days out of sheer desperation. Bottle said take 1-3 so I figure I'm safe right? It also says GENTLE RIGHT??
THEN I read the reviews. The reviews are horrific. People going to the e.r and really bleeding. Tissue and mucus.
Then I remember my husband sick to his stomach the other night.... Doubled over in pain... Laying on the bathroom floor half the night (I thought it was a stomach bug). So obv the reviews aren't bullshit.
What's 1000x worse is HES GONNA KNOW I JACKED HIS LAXATIVE and I'm embarassed. I feel so stupid. I'm FREAKED OUT THAT THIS IS GONNA HURT aaaaaand I have to take care of my two year old hell spawn in between bouts of potentially explosive dioreah tomorrow!!
Please please please tell me I'm over reacting.
[Other] How one comment can totally make your whole week
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Fri Apr 27 21:45:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fhesw/how_one_comment_can_totally_make_your_whole_week/
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I finally hooked up with this guy I had been contemplating doing such with, and after a break up, I was totally more than down. It was great, and even in the deepest throes of my bodily insecurities, I felt very confident and sexy (literally the one thing that I see as a positive of my weight gain is no longer being flat-chested - my boobs are back and better than ever lol. They’re not even big, but they stay put without a bra and my shirts fit better).
Anyway, somewhere in that lovely rendezvous, he said I was tiny😆👏👏👏 Omg, that made me feel good! At 120 lbs at 5’6, you can just imagine how that boosted my ego.
It was a beautiful night, and it was absolutely perfect. That just made it even better 😍
I feel guilty
/u/islesoflightlessbird
Created: Fri Apr 27 21:35:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fhcwh/i_feel_guilty/
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[removed]
[Discussion] Can anyone else feel themselves getting bigger after eating??
/u/andybbz
Created: Fri Apr 27 21:29:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fhbsk/can_anyone_else_feel_themselves_getting_bigger/
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So I just ate a lot, like more than usual and a lot more crap. I was out with family and decided to just relax and try to eat like a normal person I guess lol. I ended up eating a lot and I like feel like shit I physically feel my stomach growing and the stretch marks coming in. I feel it and I know I ate more than what I was supposed to. Fuck I’m freaking out. Never again I am safer if I fast or restrict I want to cry I ruined my body.
[Discussion] Splenda alternatives?
/u/Awkward_Mermaid
Created: Fri Apr 27 21:27:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fhbfv/splenda_alternatives/
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Okay so I drink coffee pretty regularly and I NEED it to be sweet. Right now I use splenda and sugar free creamer but it just tastes so artificial it kind of ruins it for me. I accepted that there's nothing I can do about the creamer (I don't care for the syrups) but is there another "sugar" that tastes less like chemicals? I've heard of stevia but honestly I know basically nothing about it. Someone heeeelp meeee! ❤☕
[Rant/Rave] Losing my Purge Deterrent
/u/ManicPixieBallerina
Created: Fri Apr 27 21:20:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fha49/losing_my_purge_deterrent/
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I used to be a singer. I was good, I guess, scholarship and everything. I felt my voice set me aprt from the crowd, and it was the best purge deterrent. Don't want to melt the vocal cords, now do we? Before starting college I was self taught and after I studied classical and opera. But I had to drop out for medical reasons (fuck you, PTSD) and my coach officially dropped me in August, a little over a year after dropping out. Since then, it's been hard. I haven't been able to do any theater shows, and I haven't had a singing role in two years. I never starred in anything, never featured. Just sort of an "oh, and she's here too." Nobody came to see me. What really sucks is things were really starting to pick up for me at about the time I had to drop out, but dropping out took a lot of opportunities from me. I've lately been trying to pick up music again, but it's hard. I have weird opera habits that don't translate very well, and I did so much in romance languages it's hard to not sing in Italian. I'm not even Italian for fucks sake! My stupid fat fingers keep stumbling over the keys on my stupid dinky keyboard. I entered a contest, and didn't even make it past round one. Unpolished and off key, they told me. This didn't stop me from spending $40 on sheet music today, but I'm so afraid of sounding like one of those people who gets put on American Idol to be laughed at.
It feels to me like the door to the music/theater world shut on me, and I won't be able to pry it open. So why not purge? What's stopping me? Who or what am I saving my voice for?
[Rant/Rave] All this work gone to waste...
/u/AuntieWhisper
Created: Fri Apr 27 20:52:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fh4km/all_this_work_gone_to_waste/
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Guys, I just want to vent here. I'm so mad at my body. I've worked so hard to look the way I do. Suffered with this mentality for years and years. Got to a point where I was sort of happy with how I looked and
...then I got a little something called guttate psoriasis. My entire body is covered in bleeding painful scabs and there's basically nothing I can do about it. I've been desperately trying to treat it for two months now and nothing's working.
I'm at a loss here. I'm so low.
god I can’t stand this
/u/leschauvessouris
Created: Fri Apr 27 20:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fh487/god_i_cant_stand_this/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] It's kind of not fair?
/u/BlurJAMD
Created: Fri Apr 27 20:45:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fh38o/its_kind_of_not_fair/
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I restrict my eating all my life and I am constantly on diets. The way I feel about my body and my food has DOMINATED me and my existence and what do I get from it? Weight gain. It's like the world has just set me up to have problem after problem :(
[Help] Gaining...
/u/waytoooldforthisish
Created: Fri Apr 27 20:22:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fgyjr/gaining/
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I've amped up my workout routine and I've gained 3 lbs over the 10 days or so. But with more exercise, how did I gain? Any ideas on what's happening, or any advice? Thank you! ❤️
[Help] Fast ways to lose weight?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 27 20:21:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fgyeu/fast_ways_to_lose_weight/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] So I Was Confronted By Some Friends.
/u/adara-ll
Created: Fri Apr 27 20:17:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fgxgb/so_i_was_confronted_by_some_friends/
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So I got a message from two of my friends (both with EDs far worse than the one I seem to think I have) regarding how I've been triggering to them. Mostly with voiced self hatred and comparisons and the like, and how it's been affecting them to the point of feeling uncomfortable or judged eating around me, or like they need to purge if they eat around me, or like I won't like them if they're chubbier. I'm a pretty solid size S/M 2/4, while they're an XS 00/0 and a XS/S 0/2, when I say I'm fat it sometimes apparently makes one feel judged or compared to me because we occasionally fit kind of in the same stuff and have the same waist size [that being said, I have a very hourglass shape that they don't,my waist is kinda snatched but my stomach and hips are still huge].
I feel like an enabling piece of shit even and I'm so sorry, especially because they've both been kind of attempting recovery on and off for a while now. Part of what really stings is them almost thinking that because I had a Tumblr ed vent blog that one followed for a while that got pretty popular before it was deleted, I hate fat people because a lot of that community is judgmental as hell. This is, of course, disregarding that my best friend in the whole wide world whom I love with my whole heart is medically obese, and just overall I don't in the least base my friendships off of size.
It at least really comforts me that they thought to reach out like this and urge me to get help. I've had one major instance in the past where people really close to me just dropped me due to untreated mental problems, and that fucked me over so badly. I'm honestly relieved they're not just doing that but part of my still feels like I shouldn't be allowed around anyone anymore.
Sorry for the long rant I'm just so confused and both hurt and guilty at the same time. I'm so fucking sorry
[Rant/Rave] All calories are created equal?
/u/sheache
Created: Fri Apr 27 20:09:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fgvzj/all_calories_are_created_equal/
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Tonight I made the mistake of talking to my mom + dad about food/diet (I’m “recovered” as of eight years ago and to them it’s like my ED never existed).
I mentioned excitedly that I ate a whole pint of ice cream - halo top - like, amazing that I can even say those words even though knowing exactly how many calories it has and that it’s under 300 was the only way that was possible.
They had never heard of Halo Top but my dad loves ice cream and was asking me about the taste. My mom, who is by no means overweight but isn’t happy with her body (never has been), is one of those people always trying to lose but never does - she tries every fad and “clean” eating diet but doesn’t understand that she just has to reduce her calories - says “oh be careful with that stuff. Not all calories are created equal.”
What. The. Fuck. Does that even mean? Like obviously, sugars and proteins and fiber are different but calories??!
I made some snarky comment about how she never loses weight but always wants to because I was so angered by the idea she could fuck my mind up so easily.
Calories are created equal right? Numbers are fucking numbers. 280 cals of halo top will give different nutrients than meat buttttt I’m not gonna gain if I ate halo top every night versus meat with the same daily caloric intake right?
[Rant/Rave] This Is The Most Compassionate Community And I Cant Thank U Enough
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 27 19:56:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fgtc3/this_is_the_most_compassionate_community_and_i/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] no incentive to stop purging...?
/u/zjxq
Created: Fri Apr 27 19:16:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fgl8t/no_incentive_to_stop_purging/
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i am pretty good at "white\-knuckling" through urges to purge \(and to a much lesser extent binge urges\) and if told i need to stop for X amount of time i generally can?
but it seems like i always go back to purging just because...it's easy? no pun intended but i can have my cake and eat it too if that makes sense. and maybe it's not like, a great emotional coping mechanism, but it really does work to satisfy my desire to eat a lot of food but also maintain/loose weight. and i do make sure to harm reduce or whatever it's called when i purge.
i know it's not that simple, purging is bad for my body, it will eventually \(has in the past\) spiraled to a point where i don't feel as in control but. i don't really care as long as i'm not like, dying or gaining weight? and i feel bad because i'm technically in recovery \(because binging and purging got to a point where i was like, not doing anything else in my life \(calling out of work, not doing work for my classes, not hanging out with friends, having no shame and like??? purging in public where people could \(and did!!\) see\)\) but now that i'm like, no longer binging on thousands of calories daily and spiralling out of control, i can't shake the feeling that what's the harm in the occasional b/p.
idk does anyone feel this way or have any way to care about not purging because i do want to recover, it would be wonderful \(also unrealistic, probably\) to not want to binge anymore and just, eat a normal amount of food, exercise, indulge normally and maintain a healthy/low weight but. cannot convince myself that purging is not worth it
[Rant/Rave] Damaged sense of taste and a final binge
/u/slip_n_slice
Created: Fri Apr 27 18:43:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fgeb9/damaged_sense_of_taste_and_a_final_binge/
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Since my poisoning accident my sense of taste hasnt been the same. I cant really taste salty, savory, or sweet type flavors. My previous favorite food, cheese, no tastes like waxy nothing. My favorite beers now just taste bitter. Cigarettes taste lile boots now.
Its very frustrating and liberating at the same time. On one hand, eating and drinking booze are hardly enjoyable anymore which is great for restricting. And im drinking a lot more water now because theres no point in wasting money on anything else (besides my monster absolute zero, or ill implode and die). The only flavors i can really taste now are sour and spicy things, neither of which i particularly enjoy. On the other hand the last couple days ive just been seeking to satisfy that *craving* for some of my old favorite foods...
Which led to todays binge...one beer, a small bag of kettle chips and some queso. It wasnt even enjoyable. I just ate it hoping for that taste and satisfaction and it wasnt there.
At this point i know for absolute fact theres no point in eating anything thats not just an absolute nutritional requirement. Just no point cause there isnt going to be the flavor or enjoyment im looking for.
Good news, with the money im saving off quitting smoking and drinking, ill be picking up a motorbike next week. And with the calorie savings from not drinking all the time i should be able to cut my intake down below 200 cal/day.
So i guess its a sorta lose/lose/lose/win/win/lose/win situation?
[Rant/Rave] I made a cake for my cousin's birthday (complete with icing and cookies) and I didn't eat any of it.
/u/skincarer_
Created: Fri Apr 27 17:37:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ffzy5/i_made_a_cake_for_my_cousins_birthday_complete/
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It could have easily been the start of a disaster binge but I resisted... I just thought, 'is cake really worth destabilizing myself after a couple good days out of a binge cycle?' And by some miracle I held it together!!! I feel so satisfied with myself.
[Rant/Rave] Guilt from eating when I have to
/u/8Bit-Zombie
Created: Fri Apr 27 17:28:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ffxzd/guilt_from_eating_when_i_have_to/
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I hate that I feel guilty when I eat when I would literally pass out from not putting fuel into my body. I'm working an 8 hour shift rn which is ALL standing and lifting and moving. I'm flipping my shit and triggered outta my brain bc I ate half a piece of pizza even though I've been liquid only for three days other than that. Like Jesus Christ I have fucking hypoglycemia I need to eat especially w my job and terrible sleep schedule but my brain keeps punishing me for trying to take care of myself.
It's just fucking frustrating that I can't get past this because I've been trying for YEARS and nothing helps. I hate the "you have to WANT to get better uwu" bullshit bc I fuckin do I've been to rehab three times already and fighting it since I was 12 and I'm still fucking struggling and I lapse or relapse all the time and I feel so at fault for not recovering consistently or well enough.
[Discussion] DAE miss feeling lightheaded?
/u/tone_v2
Created: Fri Apr 27 17:28:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ffxxe/dae_miss_feeling_lightheaded/
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I don't know what's been happening recently, but for the last week or two I've been finding it really difficult to restrict. I end up breaking my fast early and then eating at or around maintenance because in my mind I've already fucked up, so why not use it as an excuse to eat the non-safe foods I've been meaning to get rid of anyway? But above everything I just really miss feeling dizzy when I stand up, and the satisfaction of holding out long enough to forget how hungry I was just feeling.
I'm trying to not get too discouraged, (too scared to even step on a scale) but stressing about final exams and papers has had me distracted. I'm hopeful I'll get back into my routine now that the semester is almost over and I've finished off most of the food I had stashed away from my housemates.
[Rant/Rave] My ED ruins my sex drive
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Fri Apr 27 17:24:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ffx56/my_ed_ruins_my_sex_drive/
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Does this happen to anyone else?
Sometimes I cry at the thought of my bf touching me. He loves my body and would not change a single thing about it. But he is so lean and getting more muscular and honestly I already think he has the perfect body but somehow it just keeps getting more attractive to me. Lately I hate sex with the lights on. Or I hate when we go to shower after and there I am naked in front of him for him to see everything.
We are into group stuff, too. I honestly love it and everything but sometimes adding another person to the mix gives me even more anxiety. Everyone we've ever been with is totally great, and are often crazy attracted to me but still. One more person seeing every inch of my fat body? Even when girls that are way out of my league approach me and not him, I can't enjoy it. All I can think is would she really be attracted to me once she saw me naked?
My ED even ruins masturbating. I can't watch porn anymore at all because even if it's a video I am really into, inevitably I start to look at how great the girl is and woop, there goes any ounce of arousal I had going on.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I love sex. So it really fucking bums me out that sometimes for weeks I get no enjoyment from it.
Has having an ED ruined sex for anyone else?
[Discussion] Anyone else here ~without~ depression or suicidal thoughts?
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Fri Apr 27 17:04:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ffsq8/anyone_else_here_without_depression_or_suicidal/
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I know these issues go in hand with EDs, and sometimes my body dysmorphia gets so bad i dont want to even open my eyes and look at my body.
But generally I'm happy, and optimistic, sometimes I even get excited just to see the results of my efforts. If I binge I get depressed but yknow I'm not generally wanting to die. Anybody else just sort of living with this and feeling content, even?
[Rant/Rave] Guilt feom eating when I NEED to
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 27 16:59:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ffrkt/guilt_feom_eating_when_i_need_to/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] Movie/TV actresses
/u/coconutfi
Created: Fri Apr 27 15:57:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ffdnf/movietv_actresses/
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Sometimes I can't even focus on a movie/show because an actress or multiple actresses are very likely underweight and it's just perceived as normal. It drives me nuts. The media fucking sucks.
[Rant/Rave] The only time ‘below average’ has made me happy
/u/ThisIsNotGumpy
Created: Fri Apr 27 15:55:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ffdb5/the_only_time_below_average_has_made_me_happy/
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https://i.redd.it/64j137mfwiu01.jpg
A successful fast :)
/u/theliberalpedestrian
Created: Fri Apr 27 15:37:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ff96w/a_successful_fast/
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[removed]
[Tip] r/exproed
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Fri Apr 27 15:19:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ff4vm/rexproed/
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At the suggestion of u/pollyhotpocketposts on my recovery post, I created a new sub: r/exproed.
It is all the support of r/proed but with a focus on recovery and without the triggers.
I made an intro post explaining what exactly the sub is.
I’ve never been a moderator, so I would appreciate any help I can get setting this sub up so that it can take off.
I’m struggling hard with recovery- I don’t want to, but I need to. I love the community of this sub but I really can’t stay knowing it triggers the worst in me. I really want users who feel the same to have a safe space to openly discuss recovery.
If you aren’t trying to recover, that’s fine. It’s your journey, and I get it and respect it. But if you are, subscribe, and be patient as I try to create a space for those of us who want to get better, or who are at least *thinking* about it.
Purging while watching supersize vs super skinny
/u/anas2perfect4me
Created: Fri Apr 27 15:18:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ff4i2/purging_while_watching_supersize_vs_super_skinny/
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[removed]
portia de rossi's book unbearable lightness - Thoughts?
/u/littlejanedoe-
Created: Fri Apr 27 14:54:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8feyl8/portia_de_rossis_book_unbearable_lightness/
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[Intro] Purged first thing this AM..
/u/kaaatmeow
Created: Fri Apr 27 14:40:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fev4w/purged_first_thing_this_am/
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I've been lying to myself saying I'm just being "healthy", with my obsessive food tracking and purity standards, and still in recovery... lol nope. Wifi scale/treadmill/fitbit/organic garden/cooking everyone's food and creating meal plans for 4 people.. it's like ED on hyperdrive. Oh well. Maybe I'll get thinner. Guess this is my "welcome back" post. Good to see you again friends. 💜
[Tip] Supplements
/u/mipiacelapizza
Created: Fri Apr 27 14:11:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fenqw/supplements/
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[removed]
[Help] One Meal A Day (OMAD) Advice, tips, experiences?
/u/shelifts45
Created: Fri Apr 27 13:22:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8feb15/one_meal_a_day_omad_advice_tips_experiences/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Recovery woes
/u/chipmunknutter
Created: Fri Apr 27 13:20:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8feabm/recovery_woes/
---
Recovery is not going well. Fat as ever, panic everyday when I leave the house, anxiety that won’t stop, can’t sleep, can’t restrict, can’t see any way out of this hell hole I’m in. Mostly I feel regret for even trying and have learned that I have nothing without my ED, no one, no life, no meaning. I feel so hopelessly alone. If I wasn’t some gigantic at least I would feel some sort of comfort. Now I’ve just ruined it all and don’t even feel better. Why did I try? I know it’s not true but everyone else around me has a life - people, meaning, they are living. I’m stuck and don’t even know what to do anymore. Is there even a way out of this?
[Rant/Rave] it should be mandatory for food places to have calorie information imo
/u/bombay-
Created: Fri Apr 27 12:51:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fe2lr/it_should_be_mandatory_for_food_places_to_have/
---
i can't go to any of my favorite coffee places because i don't know the calorie count to anything :( i just estimate every small drink as 1000 because i'm so paranoid. it would be nice if i was normal lol
[Discussion] Why are eating disorders so disproportionately affected by Trans people?
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Fri Apr 27 12:23:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fdv0v/why_are_eating_disorders_so_disproportionately/
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Most of my friends are ftm trans like me, and I've noticed that literally nearly every single one of them also has an eating disorder or at the very least, disordered eating. I asked them and they said most of THEIR trans friends also have eating disordered behaviours too. Is this a big coincidence? I mean, I guess we tend to be a lot unhappier with our bodies than cis people for obvious reasons, but I'm not sure how that would relate back to weight.
[Discussion] ED Dreams
/u/dre-ezy
Created: Fri Apr 27 12:12:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fds85/ed_dreams/
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Last night I had a dream that I went to the corner store to buy some diet coke, but when I left I somehow stole a bunch of food by accident. I was standing outside the store throwing out the food that was in my pockets (they magically kept refilling) until I eventually gave in and started eating it, I woke up panicking. Anyone else have dreams like this? Tell me about them?
[Rant/Rave] Triggers at work
/u/kladarling
Created: Fri Apr 27 12:09:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fdr51/triggers_at_work/
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There's a get fit weight loss challenge at the company I work for that they cycle through every few months with cash incentive prizes. I'm not participating for many, many reasons the biggest being the public weigh ins. But the biggest thing about it that really gets to me is when people talk about their weight loss if they're doing the challenge. I don't know why but it makes me want to starve myself even harder. It fuels me to try even harder like I'm competing with everyone. If I were doing the challenge I'd be winning and its keeping me going.
[Other] My motivation.
/u/vhshood98
Created: Fri Apr 27 12:02:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fdpeq/my_motivation/
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"Every time you eat something, it legitimately only tastes good for a couple seconds. Then, it is directly to your body. After those few seconds of 'joy', you ALWAYS regret it.
So, would you rather have 5 seconds of 'joy', or a life of happiness when you get thin?"
I have this written in my notes.
[Discussion] DAE get stressed when someone cooks for you/ serves you a plate?
/u/signpostsally
Created: Fri Apr 27 11:51:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fdmja/dae_get_stressed_when_someone_cooks_for_you/
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Idk, it can even be just a small amount of something or whatever, but especially if someone brings me food or cooks something for me without asking it really freaks me out. My mother has a tendency to heat up my leftovers for me without asking me if I’m hungry or anything, and it really freaks me out! It makes me feel super pressured and out of control. Makes me feel like I’m being deprived of body autonomy.
Kinda unrelated but does anyone else have parents who would consistently tell them that they needed to lose weight, only to try to force you to gain it back once you do? They know I have a soft spot for milk, and they always used to buy skim, but since they’ve been critical about me losing weight, they only ever buy whole milk. My BMI is around 21 so it’s not even like I’m underweight or close to it. It’s just stressful for me and it feels like they’re purposely trying to sabotage my diet.
[Other] DAE love meanspo?
/u/vhshood98
Created: Fri Apr 27 11:44:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fdkey/dae_love_meanspo/
---
It really motivates me.
[Rant/Rave] Lol
/u/fuckingilluminated
Created: Fri Apr 27 11:42:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fdjxz/lol/
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I have been so angry, because over the past 3 days I haven't lost any, when I totally should have been. Then I realized I hadn't had a bowel movement in a while, I can't even remember. I'm going to buy some lax, but I finally went to the bathroom and I was 1.5 pounds lighter after! 😂 I forgot I need more fiber when fasting and restricting, it's been a hot minute lolol
[Discussion] What are your motivations to keep losing/restricting?
/u/lights-in-the-sky
Created: Fri Apr 27 11:26:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fdfmi/what_are_your_motivations_to_keep/
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Mine are:
1. to be shown more empathy (in my experience, people - including medical professionals - will perceive me as lazy/spoiled if I am fat, or even at a "healthy" weight)
2. to help with anxiety
3. out of spite (I am no longer able to self-harm without intervention, so I need to make a point that I can do whatever the hell I want with my body... as childish as that is)
4. to lessen gender dysphoria (family is not at all supportive of me being trans, and I am disabled/not able to afford transition, so the best I can do is to be underweight and appear less feminine)
5. to make me not want to kms as much lol
[Other] ED Art
/u/shadowmachines
Created: Fri Apr 27 10:46:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fd4bi/ed_art/
---
Weird stuff I made about my weird feelings.
https://imgur.com/a/ZBWpJCi
[Help] Is going premium on MFP worth it?
/u/jnlh93
Created: Fri Apr 27 10:15:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fcvtt/is_going_premium_on_mfp_worth_it/
---
I've been using mfp on/off since 2015. When I downloaded it last year I was shocked that lots of functions now had to be paid for. But premium includes other functions like food analysis.
Does it work well for helping you stick to your calorie count? My issue with MFP is that it is way preachy about going under calorie goal.
[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'm not sick enough
/u/kladarling
Created: Fri Apr 27 09:56:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fcqex/i_feel_like_im_not_sick_enough/
---
Logically I know I'm disordered. I restrict heavily, I purged last night for the first time since high school, even though I had a healthy small meal with friends at a restaurant. Every sign points to me being sick, but for some reason I feel like I'm just making this all up and I don't have an eating disorder. It's like in my mind I'm too overweight to have an eating disorder, and I won't accept that this is a real problem until its too late. I'm scared that I'm killing myself but I hate my body so much a large part of me just doesn't care anymore.
[Help] Girls night out and my head is already spinning
/u/alpakasundtacos
Created: Fri Apr 27 09:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fcpjv/girls_night_out_and_my_head_is_already_spinning/
---
Soooo tomorrow's me and my girlfriends want to have a fun night and I've been planning and restricting accordingly to have room for drinks (gin and low-cal tonic) and maybe some drunken food afterwards.
So far so good, no?
Not quite..
Because the plan has changed and instead of being at my house where my safe alcohol (of course that's a thing now 🙈) is and where I don't have to eat during pre-game - we go somewhere else to drink cocktails and order pizza. My head is spinning, I don't know what to do 😢
I can't not eat with them, or else I am going to be exposed, but I can't eat either if you know what I mean. Has anyone got any tips for this kind of situation?
[Discussion] your longest plateau? how did you break it?
/u/acosed
Created: Fri Apr 27 09:33:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fck9k/your_longest_plateau_how_did_you_break_it/
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i know this is an age old topic but ive plateaued for 2 weeks now and im really close to losing it please help :')
[Other] Giving new meaning to creepy collarbones
/u/Ah_Mediocre
Created: Fri Apr 27 09:13:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fceg7/giving_new_meaning_to_creepy_collarbones/
---
https://i.redd.it/5v3obwaqwgu01.jpg
[Goal] How many pounds until you reach your UGW?
/u/vhshood98
Created: Fri Apr 27 09:01:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fcau0/how_many_pounds_until_you_reach_your_ugw/
---
I have 17 to go, but 14 would be incredible.
If I lose 17, I will be 98. That would be so perfect. I would be underweight and everything would be perfect.
[Help] Questions for those who are/have been in recovery for bulimia (or other EDs)
/u/alexxxxis
Created: Fri Apr 27 08:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fc3d0/questions_for_those_who_arehave_been_in_recovery/
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I’ve been struggling with binging and purging for so long and I don’t want to live like this anymore. I keep losing and gaining back the same few pounds, my grades in school are slipping, and I’ve lost so many friends. I feel so out of control.
I want to get help but I haven’t told anyone about my problems. I’d have to tell my parents but I feel like they’d never look at me the same way. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my parents but I really need to focus on my mental and physical health.
I also feel like I can’t tell them yet because I’m not at an unhealthy weight. I want them to take me seriously but I worry that they won’t unless I’m actually skinny.
I’m not 100% sure about recovery yet but I guess my questions are: how would I tell my parents, what happens in recovery, and is it worth it?
[Rant/Rave] If I’m not restricting, I’m gaining
/u/AltruisticJacket
Created: Fri Apr 27 08:16:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fbyy8/if_im_not_restricting_im_gaining/
---
3 lbs since April 18th.
I’ve been happily eating 700-800 cals a day for months, and barely losing weight but always in s downward trend. On April 18, I was 98 lbs.
I stared to have some health issues last week, so decided until everything levels out a bit I would eat closer to maintenance. So I’ve averaged about 1,100 calories a day for the last week (kill me) but all in healthy food, trying to give me body the vitamins and electrolytes it needs.
This morning I weighed 101lbs. It makes NO sense! If I’m restricting I basically maintain my weight, or lose very slowly - if I go closer to what should be maintenance I just gain. So essentially I have to restrict for the rest of my life or I’ll get fatter and fatter?? Why isn’t maintenance a thing for me? I thought it was science 😭 now I’m sitting here like, ok, would rather have the health issues then ever see the scale at this number again....what is my life :(
[Rant/Rave] Coping Machine Broke
/u/Lunar_Heart
Created: Fri Apr 27 08:14:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fbyjy/coping_machine_broke/
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Being thin is among perhaps three things in my life that make me happy, and it is necessary for anything else to make me happy. If i'm displeased with my body, nothing is ever okay.
But every fucking month, I'm struck by such intense, unfightable bloating, that I just cannot actually feel real happiness those days, because all I can feel is my giant fucking waist. I can't dress cute. I lose all my confidence. I don't even want to go to school I feel so awful. It's awful. Plus the fact that I have problems with PMS at all pisses me off because I feel like i must not be doing this "enough" if i've still got my cycle even though clearly I am not well at all.
It's like 1/3 of my days are just ruined from the start because I'm retaining water.
Fuck you too, biology.
*write a big long recovery post* *ends up eating less than ever*
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Fri Apr 27 08:09:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fbx78/write_a_big_long_recovery_post_ends_up_eating/
---
TFW you realize your eating disorder is your number one reason to keep going in this life and that it’s somehow your favorite thing about you.
I feel like I’ve been so pressured into this idea that I *have* to recover and honestly, right now, I just don’t want to.
One day. But not today.
[Other] is it bad that i’m jealous?
/u/mostlyoff
Created: Fri Apr 27 07:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fbl4t/is_it_bad_that_im_jealous/
---
i was with a couple of my friends earlier and they think that one of our friends has an eating disorder. she’s always been fairly small but recently she’s made some offbeat comments and she never eats, if she has food she’ll always offer it to someone else etc. i’d noticed some of these behaviours but didn’t want to say anything in case i was wrong because it can be quite a damaging thing to just assume. i think she might be clued in on me too but at the moment we’re both staying quiet.
part of me is jealous that they’re taking notice of her, and not me. it’s not like i want help, but...it’s making me feel weirdly competitive and i hate that. at the same time though they could’ve had the same conversation about me another day and i’ll never know.
really though i’m happy for her. she’s such a nice person and it’s really unfortunate she might be going through a rough patch. i hope she gets the help she deserves.
[Rant/Rave] recovery sucks ass, i want my life back
/u/diedawhileago
Created: Fri Apr 27 06:56:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fbfah/recovery_sucks_ass_i_want_my_life_back/
---
okay so I'm sorry if this doesn't belong here but my whiny ass needs to vent and saying this irl would get me send back to the hospital sooo here we go
I HATE RECOVERY. I HATE BEING WEIGHT RESTORED. I HATE EATING. I was hospitalized for 3 months, then spent 2 weeks in residential, and now I'm back in the ~real world~ and I'M DISGUSTING. I went from 74 lbs to 115, and now I'm back down to 109. I'm losing faster than ever but it isn't enough, and I know I won't be happy until I'm basically dying again. Wtf am I supposed to do?!??!?! The only thing that changed in the hospital was my weight, I'm just as fucked up emotionally/mentally as I was at my LW. Did they expect gaining weight to help?? Because now I'm just trapped in a body I despise, hating myself more than ever.
I.
Hate.
Recovery.
I want my life back. I want to be barely existing again. I even want the pain that comes with being that close to death (and I was pretty freaking close, guys, towards the end I was pretty sure I was gonna die in my sleep cuz my pulse was getting down to like 42-43 lol whoops). I miss it so much. I hate living like this, I just want to claw my skin off.
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! April 27, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Apr 27 06:13:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fb5r4/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_april/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for April 27, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 27, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Apr 27 06:12:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fb5q5/daily_food_diary_april_27_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 27, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Other] Before and after 167lbs vs 127lbs
/u/PorcelainLamb
Created: Fri Apr 27 05:43:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fazsz/before_and_after_167lbs_vs_127lbs/
---
https://i.redd.it/frd8qzp5vfu01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] i keep gaining
/u/shiraruru
Created: Fri Apr 27 05:23:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8faw6c/i_keep_gaining/
---
it's been four months and the longest i've gone without bingeing is a week.
i'm currently 51.6kg. i used to be 44.0kg. then i ate. and ate and ate and ate. i can't go more than three days anymore. low restriction. high restriction. i restrict just enough that i'm not gaining at a rapid rate, but 7kg is too fucking much.
i'm so scared that i'll continue to gain. i don't know if 51.6kg is overweight for my height, and honestly i don't really care because it FEELS to me like i already am overweight. i don't want to eat but i can't restrict now because it's exam season and i'm so scared that i'll fail everything if i stop eating. but i can't stop eating either because i binge.
it's like i've forgotten to lose weight. my clothes are getting tight and my stomach is big and round and ugly. my sides used to be smooth, i could run my hands down from the sides of my chest to my hips and it'd just be smooth all over (except some ribs). now there's a huge lump and it's disgusting.
i don't want to gain weight. but i don't want to lose this weight slowly either. i don't know what to do anymore. it feels like restriction is pipe dream now. it must've been a goddamned miracle that i restricted until i was underweight.
my goal weight used to be 38kg. now it's just a matter of trying to stay under 50kg.
i feel so fat. i am fat. i never wanted to be like this.
[Help] I have physical hunger- how do I eat?
/u/ravenclaw93
Created: Fri Apr 27 05:18:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fav9a/i_have_physical_hunger_how_do_i_eat/
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[removed]
[Goal] Blazer for an 11-12yo boy!
/u/letthetemptingbegin
Created: Fri Apr 27 02:47:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fa5wv/blazer_for_an_1112yo_boy/
---
That's my latest landmark. I'm back down to 120, from when I was 126 again last month, and I fit into a blazer for an 11-12yo boy. It happens to match the trousers from my old blue suit too, although I really have to belt those up. The jacket from that suit is ridiculously big on me now.
[Help] Friends, I have my psychiatric assessment today and I am not looking forward to it
/u/stlib
Created: Fri Apr 27 02:38:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fa4no/friends_i_have_my_psychiatric_assessment_today/
---
Might as well cut to the chase: there is a bit of a history of mental illness on my mum's side of the family. I have my psychiatric assessment today.
She was diagnosed with manic depression (bipolar disorder) many years back and she's mentioned her biological father suffered with a personality disorder and ptsd from being in the military. He committed suicide a while before I was born.
I've had depressive episodes that last anywhere from weeks to months since puberty really - I just assumed I was sad because I was fat and trying to kill myself was just the next logical step. This was around the age of 12.
I'm 21 now and my mother has finally admitted that she has mental health problems (I'd known for ages, I googled all the medication we had in the house as a teen.) I know people are getting all happy clappy about mental health and feelings but it's gonna be so hard not to answer every question with "I'm fine" or "it's cool" because it's so blatantly shameful.
I know I have to be honest but what if they force me into situations "for the good of my health"? I know they are going to be all in my deal about eating "right" and I'm really not in a position to gain back the 80 lbs I've managed to lose. How the fuck can I be bottoming my BMI and still look this fat?
Anyone have any similar experience? Would be nice to have a little support
[Rant/Rave] Anyone else hate warmwr months indoors because of AC?
/u/DieNecrodancerKatze
Created: Fri Apr 27 02:18:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fa1v2/anyone_else_hate_warmwr_months_indoors_because_of/
---
I had to sleep in a full outfit last night (literally slept in my work clothes... Because my overweight roommates (I'm not being rude they medically are all classified as overweight) decided to blast the AC. Today I realized I'm getting bad again...
[Help] I need breakfast help!
/u/Judo_Noob_PTX
Created: Fri Apr 27 02:11:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8fa0tv/i_need_breakfast_help/
---
Hello, new to the sub but I do have a question to ask - I've been trying to eat less and less breakfast recently as it's the easiest meal to cut down on for me. However the parents are getting weirded out by me potentially eating just a banana and they're like 'oh you needs carbs Judo_Noob_PTX and lots of them!' But I don't. What do people eat for breakfast that looks really filling but is actually low?
Re my eating, I'm not a fan of egg whites by themself, but whole eggs e.g. scrambled are usually okay (I know the yolk is high, I'm sorry 😓). Not vegetarian or vegan, don't like mushrooms, can't really buy any 'special low cal' ingredients as again, living with parents.
Also I'm on mobile, so if this needs a special tag could it be done? I don't know the tags sorry.
I’ve had it officially!
/u/TavidDoni
Created: Fri Apr 27 01:59:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f9yyg/ive_had_it_officially/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] SOILED IT [TW]
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 27 01:52:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f9xti/soiled_it_tw/
---
[deleted]
[Intro] Hello, I am 5'0 and 110 pounds atm. My GW is either 95-90 pounds. Anyone here that is either 5'0 or shorter? I feel really short and fat compared to most of the people on here. ☹
/u/KatNoGoMeow
Created: Fri Apr 27 01:11:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f9rlg/hello_i_am_50_and_110_pounds_atm_my_gw_is_either/
---
Title says it all.
[Help] Having a "girls-night-in" tonight, worried about getting called out by my well-meaning friend...
/u/HappierHungry
Created: Fri Apr 27 00:59:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f9pbm/having_a_girlsnightin_tonight_worried_about/
---
So I love my friend, but she is pretty perceptive about my less-than-healthy habits and has no issue in questioning/calling me out on my bullshit excuses haha
As much as I (legitimately) appreciate her care/concern (mainly because she seems to be the only one to see through my I'm-always-okay façade), I'm really not ready to have that conversation, particularly not tonight when all I wanna do is get drunk and have fun, y'know?😅
Any advice/tips? Or ideas about what I can say?
Accountability pals?
/u/throwaway-thetrash
Created: Fri Apr 27 00:58:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f9p7n/accountability_pals/
---
[removed]
whom relates?
/u/yungbrrrat
Created: Fri Apr 27 00:43:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f9mti/whom_relates/
---
https://i.redd.it/q3aj818pdeu01.jpg
[Help] NIGHT BINGING.
/u/bloomoonxx
Created: Fri Apr 27 00:15:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f9i2x/night_binging/
---
How the fuck do I stop this. It’s starting to take a real toll on my life. I never used to do this. Even if I eat a lot through the day I still do it. I am at a loss. I haven’t left my house in a while and I’m really starting to hate myself more and more every time I binge. My binges are usually 500-2000 calories each night. There have been a few days where I can restrict but that’s it. I have no problems restricting through the day but at night it’s like a switch goes on and I have uncontrollable urge to eat. Tomorrow I am trying to space my foods out through the day and maybe that will help :/ god I hate myself
No dating until I’m thin
/u/saptashati
Created: Thu Apr 26 23:57:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f9f25/no_dating_until_im_thin/
---
Like I’m done constantly being lied to, rejected or ghosted by men because I’m not hot enough. So here it is- no dating until I have a 24 inch waist and a 34 inch chest. I googled it and that is the ideal measurements for a woman according to sons research I did. I’m tired of being a fat girl that is single. I’m never going to be an ideal hot blonde girl. Honestly I’ll never even be like truly hot because of my ugly indian face but at least I will be thin.
Going from butter face to but-her face
Advice
/u/throwawaytoCA88
Created: Thu Apr 26 23:12:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f978h/advice/
---
So i am new here. I created this account to hide from my "family" the struggle i have with being fat. I am 5'5 max and 212lbs
I am lazy (working on it but ffs i dont want to do shit)
Major Depression, G.A.D. and insomnia confirmed. CPTSD suspected
Impulse control issues with food.
I want to teach myself to NOT EAT. I know i need an immediate motivator. Example: ambien only works on an empty stomach so i skip dinner several times weekly to gain full effect. Those nights i skip dinner and the cravings are overrun by knowing it will make my ambien useless
If i can skip dinner then i feel like i could train myself to skip more meals. Any advice on this is a great help while keeping in mind i am sensitive to cold on my teeth.
About me: my fat spiral was kick started with the depo shot. I want to go back to my sexy thin body at almost any cost. I tried to get into the gym only to discover a buldging disk in my neck. Truly productive workout could paralyze me from C5 down.
The tldr: i need tips and encouragement and advice on minimal calories per day (under 400) while not tipping off family.
Also i like to drink. I will GLADLY give up friday meals for shots!
So i will take anything but potentially paralyzing gym time. Tapeworms, parasites, fasting etc... ask away but please include constructive criticism with helpful info.
I need the discipline and support to kill calories.
Thank you in advance
*edit to clarify, i am not trying to develop an eating disorder, i am looking to find the discipline/advice for calorie restrictions my injuries require for a sedentary lifestyle
[Tip] Holy heck, Uncrustables are ONLY 210C?!?!
/u/papercut-princess
Created: Thu Apr 26 23:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f95wc/holy_heck_uncrustables_are_only_210c/
---
This gives me lifeeeeeee. I haven't allowed me to have a sandwich in forever and peanut butter is a year food, so is bread, so I don't up them. These are single serving packages though, and come in a box big enough to do a week worth probably, and for me they're not a huge binge incentive. 210 seems sooooooooooooooooo low for these little pieces of heaven but considering that even on my 800 days I usually only have like 650 I feel like I can get away with one per day, even if this is 20% low and they're closer to 240 or something.
[Goal] I'm in underweight BMI for the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE
/u/bipbiphoop1
Created: Thu Apr 26 22:34:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f9030/im_in_underweight_bmi_for_the_first_time_in_my/
---
And its so strange.
At first i felt like shit because i was like so this it what i look like at 18.4? But then i just relied on the number and realized about the fact that i get something that I never thought I was capable of.
Feels good. I never wanna to go back to the normal BMI again.
Do you have feeled that way?
[Discussion] Question about Meds™
/u/fortunate-foolx
Created: Thu Apr 26 22:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f8vqw/question_about_meds/
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hey, im back and am obese as ever. yay. ANywAy, my psychiatrist wants to put me on Contrave to help with my binges, as he thinks it will benefit me and he also doesn’t know about my disordered habits and mindsets. but the point is, do any of you have any experience with it? it’s a mix of Wellbutrin and some other med, essentially. both meant to help control binges and appetite.
[Discussion] DAE watch videos of people eating??
/u/elvirahancock69
Created: Thu Apr 26 21:47:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f8qrc/dae_watch_videos_of_people_eating/
---
hi!! lurked sub for a long time but recently relapsed and figured it would be nice to join a support group like this.
i've started watching videos of people eating 10,000\+ calorie meals, does anyone else do this as a way to either lose their appetite/feel like they ate something? i've never done this before, but since i started restricting again i find myself constantly watching these videos.
[Other] I was buying food for a binge and the drive thru guy told me I was beautiful
/u/im-stressed-af-fam
Created: Thu Apr 26 21:20:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f8ldw/i_was_buying_food_for_a_binge_and_the_drive_thru/
---
I went to taco bell after work and ordered a bunch of junk so I can smoke and cry while eating it. the drive thru person handed me my food and said "you're beautiful, you know that?"
today was a really bad day but that really cheered me up. ive legit never been called beautiful before. only cute.. sometimes pretty. I think he turned a bad binge into a good binge if that's a thing. thanks taco bell drive thru guy
[Other] I'm so jealous of those who start out with an underweight BMI/those who can eat whatever they want and still be morbidly skinny.
/u/vhshood98
Created: Thu Apr 26 20:46:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f8eml/im_so_jealous_of_those_who_start_out_with_an/
---
I just get so jealous when I see people here who cry about binging, yet weigh 79 pounds. Or people at school who gorge down tons and tons and tons of food, yet still look like stick figures compared to me.
I hate myself and I feel like a failure, even in the anorexic community. My 21 BMI makes me want to slit my throat. I'm such a fat pig.
[Rant/Rave] I finally found it y'all... diet grape soda.
/u/throwaway-thetrash
Created: Thu Apr 26 20:46:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f8ekd/i_finally_found_it_yall_diet_grape_soda/
---
I'm probably the only motherfucker that would be this excited about finding diet grape soda but holy shit.
Grape soda has always been something I've LOVED, despite hating pretty much every other artificial grape product ever made. I never really allow myself to drink regular soda, even on my least ED days. It was never really a habit for me at any point, so I just don't think about it too much.
However, diet soda keeps me sane when my ED is showing its ugly face. I fucking love it. Grape is pretty unpopular and I thought it's just something I wouldn't drink for a really long time (last time I remember having it is like 8 years ago). BUT I FOUND IT! IN A VERY POPULAR BRAND (Hill Country Fare). and it tastes like the old stuff. :')
I'm over the moon y'all. All my grape soda ED pals rejoice. (which is probably like 3 people)
Can somebody be attractive being without being under 135?
/u/gradsquests
Created: Thu Apr 26 20:24:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f89wr/can_somebody_be_attractive_being_without_being/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Relapsing (rant)
/u/The-Exploding-Girl
Created: Thu Apr 26 19:53:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f833r/relapsing_rant/
---
Hi, I'm new to Reddit so I feel a bit weird posting this. I don't really have anyone to talk to because I don't want to worry those close to me, or maybe it's really just self-sabotaging behavior so that no one notices, but nonetheless, here's some ranting:
I've struggled with disordered eating since childhood. It became a full blown eating disorder in middle school, and eventually I was officially diagnosed with anorexia (b/p type) in high school. I was in recovery, and since then I've had a few minor relapses but had other self-destructive behaviors to occupy me so I'd eat enough to not worry my mother (it was actually much more complicated than that of course, but I figured I'd just sum it all up lol).
So now, 8 years after my recovery, I'm seeing a psych again after not seeing one for 4 years or so. He considered me as being in remission when I first started seeing him earlier this year, and now he put "in partial remission" in my diagnosis. I was already struggling, but somehow this triggered me even more? I purged twice this week, the most frequently I've done that in over a year.
I'm afraid to eat but I'm also afraid of letting this get out of control. Okay, sorry for the rant, I just needed to get it out.
[Discussion] Goal weight aesthetic
/u/Wckoshka
Created: Thu Apr 26 19:21:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f7vzk/goal_weight_aesthetic/
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Whats a good goal weight for someone 5'5 that's not sick thin and less then what I currently weigh \- 49kg \(108 pounds\).
Like I don't want anyone to worry but at the same time my current weight is not enough and I just want to lose a tiny bit more but I'm scared I'll go too far =\(.
[Help] Any tips for not binging after a fast?
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Thu Apr 26 18:51:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f7pdd/any_tips_for_not_binging_after_a_fast/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] ~12 hours into a new labret. Eating and drinking is hard. Unexpected ED-related perk!
/u/Kummerspeck101
Created: Thu Apr 26 18:43:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f7neb/12_hours_into_a_new_labret_eating_and_drinking_is/
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[removed]
~12 hours into a new labret. Eating and drinking is hard. Unexpected ED perk!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 26 18:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f7n9s/12_hours_into_a_new_labret_eating_and_drinking_is/
---
[deleted]
I don't want to be 'attractive'
/u/Bangsofsteel
Created: Thu Apr 26 18:32:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f7kxs/i_dont_want_to_be_attractive/
---
I want to starve myself until men don't dare speak to me, or about me, be something unatainable, completely off the cards, to be safe, to just be left *alone*. I don't want to be considered 'average' and 'nice' I want to be sharp and otherworldly. I miss being all bones and angles and dark circles and whatever the opposite of curves is, I miss my thin, compact body. Not ugly but sure as hell beyond being touchable. Nothing soft and just mine.
It's like my brain considers it a sign I'm not doing enough if I'm still considered approachable by men?
Sorry the rant, it's 1am and I'm tired and confused.
[Help] Hair loss from bulimia
/u/LLazarus732
Created: Thu Apr 26 17:56:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f7cl5/hair_loss_from_bulimia/
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Hey guys, so basically I’ve been dealing with bulimia-related hair loss for a while, but I finally got it to stop when I sort of recovered for about 6 months. Unfortunately I’ve had a pretty bad relapse and my hair is falling out again and it’s breaking my heart, but I don’t think I’m in a place where I can recover right now. I feel like I’m losing the purging urge though and starting to move more into restriction, and I was wondering if I didn’t b/p but instead was more solidly restrictive, would that make my hair fall out less than b/ping? I’m still at a normal weight.
[Discussion] DAE...
/u/Grellous8
Created: Thu Apr 26 17:48:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f7ala/dae/
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...just love to feel the slot between your abs? I do this all the time and use it as a form of criteria to know that I'm getting leaner. Feelssogoodmane.jpg when I can feel each individual ab bump surrounding the crevice. Haha lol I'm so fukkin' wierd. Just wanna know if anyone else does this...
[Other] What is your caloric limit?
/u/vhshood98
Created: Thu Apr 26 17:45:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f7a0p/what_is_your_caloric_limit/
---
[removed]
[Other] Sometimes I take selfies when I’m feeling crappy about my body/ overall self image
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Thu Apr 26 17:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f77in/sometimes_i_take_selfies_when_im_feeling_crappy/
---
Today I wasn’t feeling so great about my body, and did the usual checks before getting into the shower and after I got out (legs/thighs, stomach, feeling along my hips to see if I can feel bones, chest and collarbone for same reason, etc.), and tried on different clothes because it’s my day off, and fuck yeah, I don’t have to wear a uniform for two days!
I put on this little black zip-up crop top I haven’t worn since I was super skinny with some ripped high-waisted jean shorts, and took a selfie just because. I actually really liked what I saw! It felt great to not be negging on myself for the first time in a long time. Didn’t wear that top, but a white button down shirt, still a crop top though. I threw my favorite swap meet find, a heavy knit French Connection grandpa cardigan that cost me all of $4, and went on a much-needed, very zen walk to the beach.
I guess the selfies help because instead of being in my own head, beating myself up for not being thin enough, whatever that means, it’s close to other people’s perceptions of what I look like, which is actually positive. I took a NSFW pic (‘sexy’ undies) for the guy I was seeing for a bit the day after a binge, and I had a similar experience. Didn’t show anyone these pics, they were just for me to look at and basically show myself that I’m being crazy, and I need to stop being so down on myself. Today I feel pretty confident, as superficial as it seems.
Long ass post, just wanted to share a positive experience:)
[Tip] For when you’re forced to go out with friends/family/coworkers at fast food places.
/u/signpostsally
Created: Thu Apr 26 17:10:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f71w5/for_when_youre_forced_to_go_out_with/
---
https://i.redd.it/4996h0c9vbu01.jpg
[Help] What helps you from giving into binge eating urges?
/u/Klaustein7
Created: Thu Apr 26 17:09:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f71j4/what_helps_you_from_giving_into_binge_eating_urges/
---
Been binging since mid November and I stopped purging since January. Total weight gained is about 35 lbs.😫 Does anyone know any good tips to stop the binge eating or how to ease back into restriction?
holy fuck i wanna die
/u/leschauvessouris
Created: Thu Apr 26 17:07:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f70y1/holy_fuck_i_wanna_die/
---
ive been averaging like 2200 per day for like the past month
why am i so weak
and now my friends are starting to notice that im not eating and calling me out on it and then i GO HOME AND BINGE
and I know the thought in the back of their mind is "if she's not eating then why isn't she skinny"
tomorrow im gonna go sit in the library during lunch so they wont tell me i need to eat
and im NOT going to binge
i need to get back on track
I just made an appointment at a recovery center
/u/shadowmachines
Created: Thu Apr 26 16:58:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f6yro/i_just_made_an_appointment_at_a_recovery_center/
---
and I was totally normal and fine on the phone but now I am freaking out big time. Please tell me it's going be okay.
[Rant/Rave] Family is coming
/u/luluAita
Created: Thu Apr 26 16:52:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f6xgk/family_is_coming/
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I’m very upset and anxious that my family is coming over to my house to stay for about 4 days. All they do is cook, eat and drink beer all day long. If I ever refuse something they cooked they act like I offended the hell out of them. They also don’t understand that I’m not a beer drinker. I’m in a low carb omad diet and loving it. I’m afraid they will ruin it.
I love my family, but how can I avoid eating in front of them and not offend everyone?
:(
black women/girls with eating disorders?
/u/peach-soup
Created: Thu Apr 26 16:45:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f6vl3/black_womengirls_with_eating_disorders/
---
where are you guys? i'm not trying to be exclusive by any means, but i'd really like to meet other black girls that are struggling with ed and maybe exchange social media lmao
[Rant/Rave] Weight loss triggers a binge every single fucking time.
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_
Created: Thu Apr 26 16:43:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f6v7i/weight_loss_triggers_a_binge_every_single_fucking/
---
Every single time I hit a new weight loss goal, it's like I crack and binge. I had a doctor visit for a health issue and for once my doctor scale weight didn't make me cringe as much as usual (why the fuck you gonna weigh me with clothing and shoes, fuck you)
but of course because of the amount of weight loss I've had over the past two years, he asked "what are you intentions" "how much more" and of course I'm just going to give an answer of 5 instead of 30 like I want. and of course he says a lower BMI only increase health issues . (whatever ) and stupidly I mention it to my mother later and she has to ask me the same questions and I just feel fed up about it. And everyone I haven't seen in years brings up my weight. No, stop. I'm sorry you've gained weight but that doesn't mean I want to talk about mine. Or what I've been doing.
and I just find myself with a bloated stomach and unable to weigh myself and of course my fitibit breaks and so much anxiety and regret.....and the exercise till I feel ok cycle continues.
sorry this is just a dumb vent post, still super anxious. This probably didn't make any sense.
[Other] Lose It friends?
/u/thegirlwhothrewaways
Created: Thu Apr 26 16:19:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f6p80/lose_it_friends/
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I just started using Lose It after I stopped using MFP, I was wondering if anybody had an account and wanted to be friends? I think we can also make a group if there’s a few people...
[Rant/Rave] Recovery blues/I feel like this is more stressful than my actual ED
/u/buddyflies
Created: Thu Apr 26 15:58:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f6jtg/recovery_bluesi_feel_like_this_is_more_stressful/
---
All I do on here is complain but this is driving me insane and I can’t talk about this with anyone irl and you’re all so beautiful and supportive so I need to get it out! I’m so overwhelmed, this has been “part of me” for the last 10 years and I think I’m freaking out at the thought of losing it, like not having that constant reminder I’m going to lose control and become gigantic.
I’m losing my damn mind, my clothes are getting looser I can feel my ribs but like I look fatter than ever so what the actual fuck??? I know body dysmorphia etc etc but I also know that I’ve got fat legs and gigantic arms it also doesn’t matter how skinny I get you’ll never see my collarbones.
I honestly think that finally seeking help for recovery is stressing me out so much that it’s sent my ED into overdrive. Not purging, not counting calories and not weighing myself is making me lose it every time I look at myself I look fatter and fatter. It’s making me really sad and stressed and I feel like I’ll never get better :(
Anyway, thanks for reading. I love you guys so much, this community means so much to me ❤️
[Rant/Rave] As of today, I have decided to stop weighting myself and focus on what matters...
/u/MsViktoriaSun
Created: Thu Apr 26 15:40:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f6ezv/as_of_today_i_have_decided_to_stop_weighting/
---
I hope this will help those who are struggling with an eating disorder to take a step back and think about what really matters to them.
You're probably thinking: why should I listen to her? She has no idea what she's talking about. Well, here are some background info of me. I've been on Keto, CICO (600-1200 calorie diet while working out 5-6 days a week), juice cleanse, fasted for 3 days, and worked out like crazy at the gym, from doing hours of cardio to doing sports for hours and lifting weights for hours and hours.
I struggled with bulimia, anorexia nervosa, chew and spit you name it. I religiously counted my calories, tracked my macros, weighted every bit of my food and also couldn't stop myself from stepping on the scale at least twice a day. The most ridiculous thing I did was probably chewing and spitting $50 worth of junk food in public because I felt so out of control. Yupp, I literally grabbed 3 paper cups, chewed my food, took a paper cup and spat out the food in the cup while pretending that I was drinking from the cup. Anyways, to keep things short, here are some of the reasons to why I have decided to stop weighting myself.
1) No one gives a sh*t about how much you weight.
People who called me "fat" or "big" don't actually give a sht about how much I weight. Most of them have super off estimates on weight numbers and they are clueless themselves. Am I really going to let some person who is clueless about this bs to tell me how much I should weight? Sure, people might compliment me on my weight loss but their day will carry on. No one actually cares about what the number of my scale is. Although having a general goal weight is good, please keep in mind that people can look different even if they are the same height and weight (genetic is a btch and is unfair to everyone).
2) Food & calories can take over your life.
I've gotten to a point where thinking about what to eat gives me a headache. Yes, I was so stressed about not going over my calorie limit that I was getting physical discomfort from it. In other words, I am much more than a bowl of mac and cheese or a milk shake. Therefore, if I ate too much today, I should just listen to your body and eat something healthier or lighter the next day and move on with my life. I am much bigger than a cookie and I am more powerful than a cookie anyways.
3) Beauty is socially constructed.
The only reason why I wanted to be thin was because I was scared of guys not liking me or I was just scared of not being liked by other people. After living in different countries and meeting different people, I realized that beauty is literally what that group of demographic think as attractive. Why would I let something that's not even real run my life and overtake my functionality.
4) I should find other ways to deal with my mental health issues.
I went to a psychologist the other day and talked about my eating disorder for the first time. It made me realize that my eating disorder is my coping mechanism; it's something that has been a part of me since my teenage/adult years and I've always used my ED as a way to cope with stress, depression, grief and other mental health issues. I also realized that in order to move on with my life, I need to get through this eating disorder so I can function like a normal human being since my ED was getting in the way of my school, work, and social life. I should probably take a step back and cope with my problems since this is not healthy, which brings me to my last point
5) You can actually die.
This is not just a mental health issue, but it will affect your physical health as well. I can get heart failures, organ failures, stomach acid issues, cavities, and even respiratory issues from eating disorder. Plus, I am literally slowly killing yourself by starving, binge eating. If I wanted to look good, why would I want to die? Who is going to see me if I'm dead. Therefore, I should acknowledge that I have a problem and cope with it.
I'm not saying that I won't binge eat or do any of this ever again, but I do think it's important to realize my issues and confront them. TLDR: I spend too much time thinking about food and there are better things to worry about. If I just listen to my body, my body will maintain what it is right now. It's important to realize that there are other things going for me than just dieting, tracking calories, and having a mental break down every time the number of my weight goes up. I hope this thread is relatable for some of you and I hope we can all recover together <3
[Rant/Rave] My only talent is being really good at losing weight
/u/princesszelda00
Created: Thu Apr 26 15:20:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f6a0a/my_only_talent_is_being_really_good_at_losing/
---
I might be a depressed mess with my life in chaos but at least I can make myself skinnier on demand. So useful.
Also being able to guess the amount of calories in random food items.
[Discussion] Anyone else not have a sweet tooth until they start restricting?
/u/SkinnyAgain259
Created: Thu Apr 26 15:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f67u9/anyone_else_not_have_a_sweet_tooth_until_they/
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I swear to god this is so annoying. Normally I only like savoury food, don’t like chocolate, cake or sweets.
But as soon as I’m a few days into restricting the sugar cravings go wild and now all I want is cake.
Anyone have any tips on how to satisfy the craving without having to eat sugary things?
I don’t get halo top here :(
[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] Jesus Christ I fit in an X-Small
/u/PMmeyournavel
Created: Thu Apr 26 14:58:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f63x4/rave_jesus_christ_i_fit_in_an_xsmall/
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Hey y'all,
just didn't really have anywhere else to say this... most of my friends were confused when I texted them all excitedly about this ("You WANT to be X-Small??").
But I've always assumed I was a large or medium since I was 12 (and to be fair, I'm sure that was genuine for a while). But goddamn Dysmorphia is such a pain in the butt I never knew!
The [X-Small Shirt in question](https://imgur.com/IwlRiqV), Idgaf
about my face showing tbh, hopefully that ain't an issue. I want other guys to feel comfortable being open about having an ED, cause ignoring it is exactly what made it so much worse for me.
Only 10 lbs away now, best of luck to us all in the long run!
[Rant/Rave] 1:43pm
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 26 14:44:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f60ez/143pm/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f60ez/143pm/
[Rant/Rave] Overeating and struggling not to feel guilty
/u/billionsofatoms
Created: Thu Apr 26 14:28:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f5vr6/overeating_and_struggling_not_to_feel_guilty/
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After having eaten around 600-900 calories daily in the past few days, I had a "binge" today and ate 1400. I felt horribly guilty in the past few days for eating so little, because I knew it would affect my health and recovery so far.
Today, I got some crackers and I ate a lot, cue the number. I feel guilty for eating so much. Thanks brain, eat - guilty, not eat - guilty; like...decide already!!
I'm sure that today's biking barely burnt 100-150cal at most, I never count and add exercise. Still under maintenance, but it still feels like a wasted day because it's not under 1200. I'm having a horrible moment mentally, although physically I feel fine, after being quite exhausted and dizzy lately. I'm trying so so so hard to fake it till I make it. But I feel worthless because I am fat and not even underweight. I shouldn't even be allowed to snap and eat till I'm skinny and underweight again, but I feel that my job and the stressful situation I am on, makes it hard for me to not just vacuum an entire pack of crackers.
I just need a nice word because I'm going crazy over the guilt, constant guilt, no matter how much I eat. I mean I should be happy to be healthy and afford food!!! But nooooo, I'm a walrus for this exact reason!!!
[Rant/Rave] Almost 1 year in self-recovery, how/what im doing now!
/u/Jemjon
Created: Thu Apr 26 14:17:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f5ssc/almost_1_year_in_selfrecovery_howwhat_im_doing_now/
---
MY FLAIR STATS ARE NOT UP TO DATE!
Just wanted to post updating on my recovery so far and where I am at mentally after almost a year of not restricting and a lot of introspection and trying different things. Also keeping it real with yall cuz its not easy and im still totally messed up in the head sometimes :) sorry its so long ahh hopefully this is OK to post as well!
i think my biggest problems that turned a diet into an eating disorder were perfectionism, anxiety, low self confidence and my tendency to obsess over things. I think its important to try and work on the root of the disorder if you can find it. Even if you don't want to recover it can't hurt if you try to improve yourself in other mental health areas, and could help to lighten the load of the eating disorder. Just my thoughts :)
I stopped counting and weighing myself until I was a healthy weight (of course with many slipups along the way!!! its not easy!) Now I still want to count because I know even if im not counting, my body still is...and i dont believe in the set point stuff. I used to be chubby and I know if I went back to how I used to eat I would be again. If thats my set point no thanks...I do believe in being at a weight where I wont feel crazy sad and can still go out to eat once a week, and have a life where I can focus on my happiness!
for this currently i maintain at 1500 and then one day a week have almost 2000. That should keep me around 120-125 pounds for 5'6" so 19.5-20 BMI but we will see how it goes. So far I can do that and feel satisfied and not crazy, while still being fairly thin. I wish I could be all love my body at any size and not count at all but atleast where I am now im not there yet. But i don't think its so awful to want to be fairly thin, many non-disordered people do! I think I aim to be a non-disordered but still weight concious person, one day.
For my mental health I meditate every day and write down things im greatful about in a little book i always bring with me. I take cbd every day as well and get plenty of sleep and try to make my foods healthy, but no food is off limits...except I would rather not have full calorie soda or beer if I can avoid it 😝 Diet soda/energy drinks are still my guilty disordered pleasure lol have a huge diet drpepper on my desk right now
I eat at maintance and count but dont let myself recount a million times or do it obsessively. if its a little off thats ok. I try not to worry about it or over think it. Of course I am still afraid of being fat but I think a lot of people are and I think its not that disordered as long as its kept in check and its not fucking up my life.
Right now I can see my weight only when i happen to go to the doctor or obgyn. Maybe every 3 months. I have a weight range in my mind and if im out if it i will lose healthily at 1200 a day, as much fun as it is to lose fast at a high restriction, it really isnt fun after i go batshit crazy....slow and steady wins the mental health race.
on the downside i still have anxiety about how i look and gaining weight. I try to deal with it just as I would with any other anxiety. distract myself, cry to my boyfriend or sleep until it goes away lol. I just think of it as a thing that will happen sometimes since I did bad things to my body and brain in the past. lesson learned for me. I still totally have mental breakdowns though, especially if someone comments on my weight or what im eating, not every day can be perfect and thats OK. its something im working on.
also no looking at bone skinny girls online because I think that is the worst thing for me ever. I will assume that if they are skinny they must have some perfect life and they are so self confident when in reality they could be in a mental hell hole like I was. Or maybe they can be stick thin but thats just not for me. And thats ok! I don't need that, I can find other ways to be happy. Just trying to remind myself of more realistic thoughts when i start getting crazy thoughts. Also no researching eating disorders in general. I don't know why I love to do that but it puts me in a bad place mentally.
I also try to focus my time on things that can build up my self esteem besides ~being skinny~. for me right now thats trying to run an etsy shop for fun money and not fail at my full time job. Annd thats all folks!! Good luck to you wherever you are at :) p.s. im not a doctor and all that, cant afford therapy either just is this what im doing
[Rant/Rave] rant about trying hard to self-care (escape?) and still getting slapped in the face by ED
/u/silverkel
Created: Thu Apr 26 14:10:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f5qyk/rant_about_trying_hard_to_selfcare_escape_and/
---
I just have to share with people who would understand as I'm pretty upset about this.
I've been feeling super shitty lately ("ED voice" very loud) and reached out to the person I've been seeing to see if they wanted to hang out/cuddle/go for a steam. Usually hanging out with them helps me forget about my ED anxiety and self-loathing for a little bit. But they wanted to steam at a public pool instead of the community house steam we usually go to. Cue me crying alone in a changeroom full of mirrors having a nervous breakdown trying not to be too loud. When they asked me if I wanted to stay over I told them I was having a lot of anxiety and body issues at the moment so I wasn't sure but I thought cuddling might help. Cue as soon as we get in the door them asking me if I want snacks and without waiting for an answer starting to prepare food for "us". Cue putting a plate of food beside us while we start watching a movie and then leaving to go do whatever. Cue them not even eating it but it is still there??? Then cue them turning the lights off and starting to munch in the dark so all I can hear IS THEM EATING in the DARK and trying to feed me some?????? wtf worst nightmare ever. The only reason I am holding it together is bc we are watching Totoro and objectively it is super cute and lovely with blissful kids and forest magic so that is helping me make it through. Then we go to bed. Cue the morning. I have about 15mins of being half-awake half-asleep in a blissful, peaceful state of forgetfulness where all the ED things haven't hit yet. It's super nice and usually very fleeting. More so this morning, because he leans over and starts whispering IN MY EAR the things he wants to cook for breakfast. All the anxiety comes rushing back and I'm not even fully awake. It was THE WORST. And all this even more so because I've already told him very honestly that I am struggling with an ED and have body issues. All this for just trying to self-care. I would have been better off going to bed early :(
[Rant/Rave] Never felt so fat before
/u/WorstLeonaNa
Created: Thu Apr 26 13:44:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f5jku/never_felt_so_fat_before/
---
So I work for this big language school in Peru and they always send us emails with different types of information. Yesterday I was just hanging out at home and I got an email from work. The title was something like "You've been chosen!" I was so excited because I thought it was finally my chance at getting promoted or something... And then I opened the email.
I started reading and they had specifically directed the email to me, so out of more than 600 teachers they selected me. Basically it said that I'm fat and I need to start losing weight. Lmao. I'm so triggered right now. Like that's gonna motivate me to be healthier.
Oh yeah, writing this while I eat chicken fingers and fries at Friday's while all the waiters and waitresses look at me like the big fat cow I apparently am.
[Rant/Rave] Being a passionate cook with an ED is so saddening, and it's making me feel like my disorder is taking everything away from me
/u/taikutsuu
Created: Thu Apr 26 13:12:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f5atb/being_a_passionate_cook_with_an_ed_is_so/
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I know there's lots of people who cope with their eating disorder by cooking for others, but I live alone and I'm pretty isolated from people too.
Cooking has always been a passion of mine. If I had nothing to do, I'd have to eat anyway, right? It felt like the one thing I could have fun at that wouldn't be meaningless. It'D be the one thing I'd do to kick the depression I've had for my whole life. But with my ED getting worse and worse each day, I have lost my drive for it. Every time I get up, look at my kitchen and think about what to cook, I just see hundreds and thousands of calories in whatever good thing I can imagine. All these delicious sauces, proteins, rice or pasta.. everything is so full of calories and fat and it's disgusting.
So I throw some spices in a pot, add some water and make myself a low calorie broth to make sure I won't die. I used to make food to enjoy it, now I do it to barely survive. I started smoking and I've been smoking way too much as sort of an appetite surpressant and it's making food taste weird. I'm crying as I speak because it's just something I've lost in this greatness of failure that I am already and it feels like the one thing I felt joy for has been taken from me aswell.
I fucking hate this and myself. I fucking hate freaking out about being offered a cookie, or crying in the bathroom because I ate a pinch of icecream. I fucking hate everything of this and I've spiraled too low to stop. I miss the times when my best friend had an ED (I noticed, but never really understood so I kept my mouth shut) and I didn't know why she didn't just eat. I miss these times I used to think she had bad bladder control when she ran to the bathroom after eating. I miss not understanding how that worked. I hate that I do now. I absolutely fucking hate it. I don't know an out anymore and I.. just want an out.
[Rant/Rave] I really need to rant about my coworker
/u/fatchanceforthin-ice
Created: Thu Apr 26 13:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f58of/i_really_need_to_rant_about_my_coworker/
---
Every day at lunch I can count on freakin Tammy to annoy the shit out of me. I literally wait for her to finish her lunch and leave the lunch room before I go eat mine in order to try to avoid her.
Tammy is the type of lady who’s extremely overweight but has been obsessed with diets and fad diets at least since I started working here (5 years... kill me). Every week she’s screaming her head off about how she’s trying the new “only eat eggs” diet or “low carb this and that”... y’all know these people. I don’t even mention calories or actual dieting to her because every damn thing I say about weight or diet is met with an eye roll and a huff... probably followed by her cramming another handful of activated almonds into her face. Because how would an underweight/healthy weight person be able to understand the struggle right?
So every god damned day at lunch she waits for me to sit down and then scurries in after me like “OHHHHHHHHH what’s for lunch today????” And I’m like “just a little tofu” and she has to come over and stick her face all in it like “OmG tOfUuUuuu I cAnT bELieEeEeEve yOuRe EaTiNg TOFuUuU!!!” Well believe it, Tammy. And seriously mind your own god damn business. I don’t really want people to be all up in my motherfucking food. I obsess over what I eat enough for the both of us.
Can y’all tell I’m salty? Anyone else have an office Tammy?
What are the aesthetic downsides you can/can not tolerate about weight loss?
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Thu Apr 26 12:39:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f51il/what_are_the_aesthetic_downsides_you_cancan_not/
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For example, for me to have the calves I desire I have to accept ugly sinewy arms that I dislike and tend to want to cover, and a smaller butt which I dislike but is tolerable and can be somewhat worked on/managed. My boob situation is just laughable and I’ve accepted I’m never going to have them unless I get implants so change in size there is pretty inconsequential.
It’s so fucking annoying having to find the fine balance of all this. Sometimes I wish I were just as rich as the Kardashians and could pay plastic surgeons to just to a full overhaul and give me the body of my dreams haha.
What are everyone else’s problem/frustration areas?
[Rant/Rave] Wtf
/u/fuckingilluminated
Created: Thu Apr 26 12:34:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f506w/wtf/
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[removed]
[Discussion] Binge Breakthrough
/u/SpaghettiAndWatches
Created: Thu Apr 26 12:12:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f4tt5/binge_breakthrough/
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Hi everyone, I’m a long time lurker but first time poster and I can’t tell you how much I value reading all of your posts.
I wanted to post today because I feel like I’ve had a breakthrough. I binge and recently it has gotten really bad, I’ve had more binge days than regular days. I think it’s because of how stressed I’ve been. Last night I decided that I needed to stop hating myself and get back into eating healthy (which is easier said than done). Today has been pretty good so far, but I got really hungry at lunch time and didn’t feel satiated after finishing my lunch. I decided to eat two cookies because they fit into how many calories I had left for the day. Then I sat there and still wanted to eat more. And I was doing the mental gymnastics of how much I could eat now (I really wanted a cheese sandwich) to not hate myself later and a still have room for dinner, when all of the sudden the thought crossed my mind “The sandwich won’t be enough, even if I eat it I will still feel the same way.” And that’s the disorder isn’t it? It somehow convinces me that I just need one more sandwich and I will feel better, just eat one more sandwich and these feelings will go away and I’ll finally feel satiated. But it never is one more sandwich, I don’t stop until I’m so full I’m going to puke or I hate myself.
But today I did stop. I stopped because I realized no matter how much I eat it will never be enough. And all of the sudden the urge to bing went away, it’s like I so clearly knew it wouldn’t help or make me feel better. So if it won’t make me feel better then what is the point of eating it?
Anyway, sorry if this is a long post. I just couldn’t believe that I was mid-binge and the feeling went away. I figured if this could help anyone else then it was worth sharing.
Thanks for being here for me and I look forward to reading many more posts.
[Rant/Rave] my new obsession: clothing sizing calculators
/u/69plasticflowers [5'6.5" | CW 136lbs | BMI 21.6 | -17.5lbs | GW: 116lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 26 11:09:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f4brb/my_new_obsession_clothing_sizing_calculators/
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lately i've been fantasizing a lot about living a gorgeous life, and have been doing a lot of online window shopping as a result. i noticed recently that some stores have height/weight calculators that determine approximate clothing size. i cannot stop putting in different weights at my height to see what size i'd be in that item at different weights.
this morning, i can't stop playing with the [calvin klein calculator](https://www.calvinklein.ca/en), and [asos](http://asos.com) has one too. they're in the description of literally any clothing item for that article.
i love conceptualizing my future weight loss. it's nice knowing i'm only 6lbs away from a small!
[Rant/Rave] ARGH DIET PILLS pt 2
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5 |88.4 lbs|16.5|-20 |18F]
Created: Thu Apr 26 11:02:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f49pk/argh_diet_pills_pt_2/
---
Just to preface: I made a post yesterday about using green coffee extract pills to finally teach my body to not binge whenever I consume food to get me out of the binge-restrict cycle and into proper maintenance. I'm not using these to achieve high restriction mainly because I'm already good at that and (let's be real) 800 mg of caffeine a day is not sustainable in the long run.
Guysssss, they work so well. I did my usual crazy ass breakfast and lunch thing but then my first pill kicked in and I'm satisfied!! I'm going to eat 500 calories in about six hours for dinner and that'll bring me up to my TDEE. I don't think I've managed to do this since September and that was only because I was constantly walking back and forth from uni so that brought my TDEE up a lot.
I finally feel free, like I can genuinely look forward to my pole class later this afternoon instead of obsessing about what I ate/plan to eat or whether I'm going to faint from hunger or not. ... Holy crap, I might even get a kids sized scoop of ice cream... BUT ONLY IF I FEEL UP TO IT BECAUSE IM NOT CRAVING IT FOR ONCE.
Also, side note: take pole classes, my friends! They build up lean muscle so you'll be strong but not bulky. Plus, they help leaps and bounds with not feeling like a potato. Plus plus, it's socially acceptable (even encouraged!) to wear skanky clothing there. They're also body positive most of the time so you're not going to encounter anyone who complains about how skinny or are or if your thighs are too big for their tastes.
[Rant/Rave] college student just needing to vent
/u/squishykiss [5"10.5' | 155 lbs | -35 lbs| Nonbinary]
Created: Thu Apr 26 10:31:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f40kx/college_student_just_needing_to_vent/
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im a broke bitch who can't stop gaining weight and i look & feel like hot garbage 24/7 and i'm drowning beneath a sea of schoolwork and i feel like i'm never going to get anywhere in life & i can't even fucking lose weight or maintain friendships properly & i am constantly hounded by my severe anxiety and the desire to stop existing
[Rant/Rave] Scared of the freshman 15....
/u/sovngarde_ [17F | 5'6 | CW: 103 | BMI: 16.6]
Created: Thu Apr 26 09:52:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f3pck/scared_of_the_freshman_15/
---
First post here! I've been a lurker for a while and I appreciate that this community exists <3
But anyways,
I get compliments/remarks about being thin (which is ironic) by adults but now that people know I’m going to college, they always mention how everyone gains weight during their first year :x I just smile and nod to hide the fact that gaining, especially that much, is pretty much my worst fear. Now I’ve made one of my goals for the year to not gain any weight even if it’s just out of spite...
Ugh, I really hate that this is how my mind works. It doesn’t help that everyone I know thinks I’m ~perfectly normal~ when I’m really just a mentally ill mess that takes comments too seriously.
(Btw, when I say adults, I mean 50+ years old. I guess they are the type to be more blunt.)
[Discussion] Does anybody else feel extremely anxious in well-lit environments?
/u/FluffyWinterCoat
Created: Thu Apr 26 09:36:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f3ku8/does_anybody_else_feel_extremely_anxious_in/
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I always make sure to close the blinds as soon as the sun gets bright in the morning, and at night I turn on the lights only when I absolutely have to. I like to keep my environment dark enough that I don't have to see my body or think about it. Even when I'm by myself, I still get anxious when there's light coming in through the window. I also feel extremely self-conscious when I'm around other people in well-lit environments, as if the light will enhance every single one of my flaws and people are going to think that I'm a hideous monster. I hate going outside during the brightest hours of the day, and I hate being in bright rooms. I love the winter for the gloomy grayness that it brings with it, and hate the summer and the damn sun. Every evening when the sun goes down I feel so relieved. I wish the sun didn't have to come up every damn day.
[Help] Question about pedialyte
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 98 | 18.5 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Thu Apr 26 09:30:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f3j0b/question_about_pedialyte/
---
Hi lovely humans ❤️
After some pretty intense health scares this weak including fainting and heart palpitations and chest pain, I realized my electrolytes are super low so I’ve been trying to adjust my diet accordingly. Adding coconut water and ridiculous amounts of spinach is good in the long run but for now while I try to ease symptoms everyone kept suggesting pedialyte so I went and bought some - orange flavoured cause, oranges are life 😍
I’m just wondering how I’m supposed to use it. Like on the bottle it says “feed slowly over the course of a day” to a kid who is sick. Am I supposed to drink a litre of this a day? Just wondering because 1 litre is $10.00 so this just can’t be sustainable if that’s the case, right?
Any information is greatly appreciated. To staying healthy!
[Rant/Rave] I hate being constantly reminded of my ED.
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Thu Apr 26 09:23:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f3h2x/i_hate_being_constantly_reminded_of_my_ed/
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Does anybody else hate it when normal people blame everything on your ED, besides calling it a diet?
I can't even mention feeling sick because my friend will blame it on my "diet". "Oh, maybe you'd feel better if you stopped that diet of yours". Well gee, I never thought about stopping it, you've cured me!!!1!1
I swear I could mention ANYTHING and it would get 100% blamed on my ED.
"Oh, your house got burned in a fire and all your clothes got stolen? Well that wouldn't have happened if you weren't on your *diet*!!!!1!!!!!!!!!11!! "
It would be nice to be able to say I'm feeling sick without being constantly reminded of my mental illness, thanks.
[Discussion] In regards to the article and research...
/u/smallmadscientist [5'2" | SW: 160 | CW: 132 | UGW: 100 | F 23 | 🍑smallmadscientist ]
Created: Thu Apr 26 09:15:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f3exs/in_regards_to_the_article_and_research/
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So as many of you have already read/heard, there is an article in which has been published regarding our community here. The article does not give a good representation of our lovely community here and fails to mention our encouragement of recovery, focused solely on stickied posts, etc.
As an actual scientific researcher who is published (username checks out), I have a few things that need mentioning:
1. The article seems to be heavily opinionated and lazily written. I believe this may have been written by a grad student ready to graduate. There’s an overall lack of thought and lack of data.
2. The paper does comply with being non-human subjects research due to the fact that the researchers are not directly handling patients or human tissue.
3. The only way to fight the article is to fight with better research.
With number 3 being said, I AM an actual scientific researcher and DO have the resources available to conduct my own research to do this.
I will look into writing up an abstract, IRB, and protocol to do this, consult with a PI (principle investigator) to help with getting the article published, and look into how I gather data. The data will have to include the good, bad, and ugly. Are there good things here at r/ProED? Yes. Are there bad things here at r/ProED? Yes. Are there ugly things here at r/ProED? Yes.
If anyone else here is in science/medicine/psychology, feel free to comment/PM with ideas for this.
[Help] Eating before a small tattoo?
/u/avoidfillingfeeling
Created: Thu Apr 26 09:08:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f3cvh/eating_before_a_small_tattoo/
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I’m getting a 6” long tattoo on my bicep of the moon phases. This is my 6th tattoo but my first during a heavy restriction period. I’ve basically been fasting every day for the last week or so and purging if I do end up eating something. I was planning on going into this tattoo with only water and coffee in my system but I’m starting to get nervous. I’ve never passed out before and I know what to expect in terms of the pain of the tattoo.
How important is it really that I eat something beforehand? Will a Diet Coke give me some sugars that my body can run off of during this? I was thinking of continuing to fast but maybe bringing a protein bar of some sort that I can eat during the session in case I start to feel faint? I can’t fathom actually eating something before and not purging it right now with the state that I’m in so I’m really hoping for a loop hole around this. Do I have any other options?
[Rant/Rave] is there a polite way to say "my eating disorder is more important to me than you?"
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 85lbs | 16ish | -?lbs | f]
Created: Thu Apr 26 08:54:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f3988/is_there_a_polite_way_to_say_my_eating_disorder/
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I spend a good deal of time avoiding people (from strangers to potential friends), and thus interruption from my habits. They kind of take a backseat to everything i do that harms my health. I don't want intervention with my binges, or my purges, or my drinking. I don't want anyone urging me to eat lunch, or commenting on why i'm not.
I just want to chill with my demons sometimes. Most times. I back out of more shit than I follow through.
I'm so full of shit, all these excuses I made up. They play like catch-all phrases from a pull string doll.
I'm tired.
I have homework.
Busy with work.
(i don't even have a job.)
I'm just sick.
Really, I just got a date with a binge/purge episode, or i've already made plans with a 24hr fast, or i'm too fucking hungover for whatever The Thing is.
I live my life in bottles and bowls and hunger and heartache, and i'm too damn comfortable to dig my way out.
I wonder if everyone knows i'm crazy, or if they just think i'm a bitch.
[Other] Y’allllll I figured it out, it was the Prozac making me throw up
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Thu Apr 26 08:53:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f38xu/yallllll_i_figured_it_out_it_was_the_prozac/
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Am I now a sick fuck for purposely taking it after/during a meal so that it comes up? I’ve scratched up my uvula pretty bad in attempts to purge but for some reason it never works. Regardless, I feel powerful. But I also feel ashamed
[Help] How serious is 'starvation' if you're not underweight?
/u/hemera-ilios [21 F| 6'0| CW 160| BMI 21.7| HW 185| GW 120]
Created: Thu Apr 26 08:50:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f3894/how_serious_is_starvation_if_youre_not_underweight/
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So, the deal is, after spending 2-3 years in recovery and gaining a LOT of weight in that time, I've relapsed as of 6 weeks ago and lost 25lbs over those weeks. It started as me trying to do it healthily this time and eat 1200 per day, but things spiralled and within a week I was down to 700 per day, and now I'm at 150-350 per day.
I told my partner yesterday how bad things have gotten. They were pretty broken up about the fact that I've been lying to them for weeks, but yeah, that's how it goes. I live with them, and they got me to call the doctor today and I had an appointment by phone. Explained the situation to her. When I told her my current intake, she started talking about it as if it was a medical emergency, even though I'm like another 25lbs off being underweight (my healthy weight bracket is really broad due to my height). She wants me to come in on Monday for tests. Basically started saying all the stuff about how when your intake's this low, your body starts using your muscle for fuel and it puts loads of strain on your organs, yada yada (I've suffered from EDs for years, like, I know how it goes lady).
Maybe I don't know enough about biology/medicine. But I just don't see WHY your body, if it has fat reserves, which if you're in a healthy weight range it almost definitely does, would use vital muscles like your heart for fuel or put additional strain on your organs? Like that seems really detrimental from an evolutionary standpoint? Maybe I'm deluding myself, but I feel like she's just trying to scare me.
[Help] Halp with my parents
/u/Grellous8
Created: Thu Apr 26 08:28:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f32fp/halp_with_my_parents/
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So for the longest time, my ED had consisted of me continually trying to stay on keto while keeping it hidden/low key from my parents, for the purpose of improving insulin sensitivity and losing fat. It was only a couple months ago, however, that they finally figured out why I was eating so few carbs. Now, my mom is forcing me to eat at least one grain at dinner every day (she cooks my meals and I can’t really stop her from doing that, or just straight up not eating), and my recommendations/requests have been whole meal whole grain pasta and brown rice because they keep hunger in check and are fairly nutritious. But I recently realized (I guess I already subconsciously acknowledged it, but I’m only trying to combat it now) that both are pretty calorically dense as well. So, I was wondering if anyone knew or could give me some suggestions or examples of less calorically dense grains so that if I can’t do my keto without pissing of my mum, at least I can still eat fewer calories while showing her that I’m eating grains. I’m still adverse to eating a lot of carbs because they are the macro most easily turned to fat, and they provide me with energy which I don’t need because I’m so sedentary.
[Rant/Rave] I joined a discord server about fasting and I just want to rant.
/u/rabbitriver
Created: Thu Apr 26 08:21:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f30if/i_joined_a_discord_server_about_fasting_and_i/
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I want to try to beat my 3 day record of fasting. But, like, I know that it's disordered and probably not very healthy. I'm self aware. Anyway, I joined a discord server about fasting just for support. Now I just want to rant.
These are people who claim that fasting is healthy and not disordered. They say that if you have an ED you shouldn't fast. But these people are exhibiting more signs of disordered eating than some actual ED-related servers I've been in.
All they talk about is keto, how mad they are when they fuck up, obsess over how their diet is the best vs anything else and shoot down other ideas... I've seen users say they hate themselves bc they're fat, they want to lose weight ASAP, they want to die if they can't lose weight... It is shocking. It is INCREDIBLY triggering. i thought I was going into a space about meditation and strength through abstaining, but this place is worse for me than any "pro" ed place I've ever been. At least in those servers everyone is fully aware that what they're doing is unhealthy.
That's all. I just wanted to get it off my chest.
[Help] Work lunch! Help!
/u/heartbrokenandok [5'7"-ish | 189 | 29-ish | -32.8| F]
Created: Thu Apr 26 07:47:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f2rmm/work_lunch_help/
---
Have to go out to lunch as a "going away party" for me. So not optional.
I picked bbq because I figured it was the least bad out of the options I was given. But I'm so stressed about what to get!
Help!
http://roundhousebbq.com/menu.html
[Discussion] When you are finally doing good and making your own low cal meals + restricting and then you realize it is food truck day at schools.
/u/vhshood98 [5'2 | 114 | BMI: Too high. | 15 | GW: 98 | M |]
Created: Thu Apr 26 07:40:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f2pvo/when_you_are_finally_doing_good_and_making_your/
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So, for the entire day, I am going to be surrounded by the smell of food and people getting food that I used to like.
.. does it ever feel like the universe is just out to get you? Good thing I have no money.
When you are finally doing really good restricting and making your own low cal meals and then it just so happens to be
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 26 07:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f2p8j/when_you_are_finally_doing_really_good/
---
[deleted]
[Help] Help, I'm freaking out right now
/u/iliveincandylandman [5'8" | 125.6 | 19.1 | F 29]
Created: Thu Apr 26 07:30:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f2neb/help_im_freaking_out_right_now/
---
Ok, some background info: I started tracking my food on MFP on April 16. I went from 131 to 125 and have been eating 1200 calories a day, with maybe 2 or 3 days of eating around 1400 (which is still supposedly below my tdee of 1600-ish) so today I got on the scale and I was 127, it just seems impossible for me to have gained weight and it's making me feel completely out of control and like all the food planning and calorie counting and intense exercise is for nothing because my weight is just going to do what it wants anyway. I know I'm supposed to get my period soon, will somebody just please tell me that the 2 pounds I magically gained is not real weight and will come off after I get my period. Can this be the case? Otherwise I am fucked.
I'm so angry and feel so cheated and I just want to hide in my room all day and starve and not even eat until I weigh below 124. Somebody please tell me it's just water weight related to my period coming because I am a fucking wreck right now. It feels so stupid to be worried about this to this extent but I JUST CANNOT LET IT GO! Going crazy right now! I'm sorry for this spew of bullshit just feel like I am losing my mind for real right now!!! And I know it literally does not even fucking matter at all but for some reason my day has been ruined by this bullshit already!
By the way, I'm posting here because I can't talk to my husband about it because he'll just say "I don't know why the hell you're worrying about this shit, you need to STOP" and I can't stop myself from worrying about it so it doesn't help very much when he acts like all I have to do is flip a switch and I won't consume my thoughts with ED stuff anymore, like if it was really that simple I wouldn't have been having this struggle for almost 20 years...
[Other] Cigarettes/caffeine/purging
/u/andybbz
Created: Thu Apr 26 07:30:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f2ndw/cigarettescaffeinepurging/
---
Rip my teeth lmao 😒
[Discussion] April 25th and 16th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [27F | 5'5" | CW 122 | GW 105 ]
Created: Thu Apr 26 07:03:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f2gxb/april_25th_and_16th_2018_question_of_the_day/
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25: Who do you need to call?
26: How much spare change do you have?
❤️ hope everyone is taking care of themselves ❤️
[Help] How do you manage specific cravings?
/u/batshitbaby
Created: Thu Apr 26 07:01:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f2gak/how_do_you_manage_specific_cravings/
---
If I want something in particular (for example fries or other fried foods) I need it and no other food will satisfy me. Usually these are really high calorie foods I used to eat. I could get my favorite dish but it still wouldn't be enough, I want that exact food, right now
help
[Discussion] sometimes food smells so good
/u/sugarpiIl [5'5 | 199 | 33.11 | 3 lbs lost | F]
Created: Thu Apr 26 06:43:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f2bzj/sometimes_food_smells_so_good/
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and i just think to myself..... can you gain weight by smelling good food??? because i could just hover over this all day
[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support April 26, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 26 06:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f2578/weekly_emotional_support_april_26_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 26, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 26 06:10:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f24x3/daily_food_diary_april_26_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 26, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] Help with hunger?
/u/chanelmademedoit
Created: Thu Apr 26 05:50:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f20rl/help_with_hunger/
---
I needed urgently to lose 20 lbs or more in 2 and a half weeks. I know it is doable as I’ve tried twice before which got me from 56 kg to 48kg in 30 days, and 48 kg to 45 kg in a 9 days, super energized and my skin was flawless, felt extremely healthy).... but I gained it back after two freakin years because of a continuous really bad binge chew spit cycle... coz of college stress plus breakup... and all the vegan stuff that made me crave different things like crazy.
I’m getting a bit better now in terms of purging as I no longer eat super secretly (not as secretly as before but still have the fear of someone seeing me eat something fat esp that I’m fat now, 161 cm but weigh 54 kg.) I gained those kilos all back in one year tho so I somehow always think that what I’ve done successfully previously were effective.
But each time I tried to attempt that again, I either binge or have hunger pangs so severe that I couldn’t fall asleep the entire night. Like last night, I was so sleepy at 10pm so I tried to sleep, but then I could not because I was so hungry!!!!!! But yesterday I was not even completely on track of my diet, my diet is supposed to be having all greens, 3 meals a day, no snacking, and if a craving comes, eat 3 bites and be done with it, like i have max 200 cal x 3 meals and a 200 cal snack per day. But I used to only hit around 400-600 plus I walked a lot. Anyways, I ate like 1200 yesterday, plus moderate gym workouts. So it’s not as low as I wanted it to be, and my last meal was at 8:30pm!!!!! I ate 250grams of sweet potatoes, 2 small cookies, some wheat thins(200-400 cal), a yogurt with berries.... it’s a decent meal. Not very healthy but it’s ok. BUT I GOT SO HUNGRY I COULD NOT SLEEP UNTIL 2am....😭😭😭 and I got severe hunger pangs but I was not that hungry mentally. I felt satisfied....
So I literally slept for 3 hours and woke up at 5am today and ate so many things...
Like 100 cal of vegan sausage, some mushrooms (30 cal), siggis yogurt (130), 2 small cookies (140cal they’re from cvs), wheat thins (280)
What should I do... I need to lose it for my upcoming pageant for my career and I’ve been planning this for years but the b/p thing just kept coming. Even tho I stopped purging everyday (chew spit) but I still overeat😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and I can’t sleep and I can’t stand hunger. Yes if I’m 40 % hungry I need to eat something. Why am I hungry so easily 😭😭😭 I know sometimes I do eat out of boredom, but I often try to keep it under control with fresh fruits and low cal veg.
And one more thing, I never ever step on the scale everyday anymore. Fml I feel like at any point I can die of shame.
[Rant/Rave] MFW the last time I "fasted" was April 1st
/u/breadndread [5'1| 120 | 20| lmaoyeahsure | F]
Created: Thu Apr 26 05:28:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f1wi2/mfw_the_last_time_i_fasted_was_april_1st/
---
Because even my attempts at losing weight for anything have been a joke 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
[Rant/Rave] Very drunk
/u/meineschatzi [165cm | CW: 58kg | BMI: 21.5 | GW: 52kg | 25F]
Created: Thu Apr 26 05:01:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f1rcu/very_drunk/
---
And it’s the first time in months I’ve said fuck you to the anorexia. I haven’t talked about it with my housemate all night which is a fucking record, and it’s so good to have COCKTAILS which are full of sugar and just enjoy being drunk.
FUCK YOU EATING DISORDER I deserve to feel like this. Fuck you for being all I think and talk about for months. This is MY night and I’ll deal with the scales and the regret tomorrow.
I miss feeling like this so bad. I have my psychologist appointment tomorrow evening we’ll see how that goes lol
Xpost from r/funny - "my wife is fatshaming me" but i definitely did just move my scales there after seeing this
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 26 04:40:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f1nu3/xpost_from_rfunny_my_wife_is_fatshaming_me_but_i/
---
https://i.redd.it/z5capcql96u01.jpg
Lowest weight in 11 years. Me 3 years ago would be thrilled. Me now is still disgusted.
/u/Sidehothrowaway [f | 31 | lost 121 | GW US size 8 ]
Created: Thu Apr 26 04:19:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f1kf7/lowest_weight_in_11_years_me_3_years_ago_would_be/
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Title says it all. I've lost the weight equivalent of a whole person. When i look in the mirror and think about where I've come from I should be happier. I was for a while until I got under 200lbs. Maybe I got impatient. I didn't expect to have this much loose skin on my arms and belly. Part of me is trying to starve it off which I know it's %100 illogical. I guess I was expecting to look like I did when I was this same weight before I had kids. I saved all of my clothes from back then and half of them are too big and the other half don't fit right because of how much the shape of my body has changed. I saved them for so so so long and they were my goal clothes. There are a few things that fit and that I'm excited about, but in general I just feel disgusted putting them on.
I used to be fun and happy. Now I'm just fucking neurotic and obsessive over things that don't matter and drive my family crazy. 31 year old mom with an ed trying to teach my 9 year old daughter body positivity when I can't even eat a fucking salad without putting each item on the scale. Wtf.
I thought losing all that weight would make me happy again but it didn't. I wish I loved who I was in my early 20s instead of hating who I was. I thought I was so unattractive. If i could go back to that body I would in a heart beat.
[Rant/Rave] I've lost 20 lbs in a month and my SO still hasn't noticed.
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Thu Apr 26 04:03:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f1hom/ive_lost_20_lbs_in_a_month_and_my_so_still_hasnt/
---
I'm just so sad. I feel like he never pays attention to anything I do or say. I go multiple days without eating and he doesn't even notice. Like ***we fucking live together, hello!!***
I know it's not that big a deal, I probably wouldn't really notice if his eating habits changed but it just triggers me to restrict more because I feel like I don't look any different.
[Discussion] does anyone else completely lose all of their appetite when they’re on their period?
/u/elena1099
Created: Thu Apr 26 01:54:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f0yaf/does_anyone_else_completely_lose_all_of_their/
---
I feel like most people have an increased appetite when on their periods, but personally even the mere thought of food makes me nauseous as fuck.
like, as someone suffering from an ED i’m definitely not complaining but I literally have only eaten a sandwich eaten in 2 days.
Purging as self harm
/u/DrRobotniksMachine
Created: Thu Apr 26 01:07:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f0qrd/purging_as_self_harm/
---
I've never been diagnosed with an ED as I've never really brought it up with therapist etc. But recently I feel I have been using disordered eating as a method of self harm.
After restricting and then eventually giving into to a binge last night I wanted to punish and hurt myself for being so disgusting. All of it had to come out and I wanted it to be painful and uncomfortable. It feels cathartic in a way if I do this. Swaps one guilt with another.
I have recently had a referal for another around of therapy which is probably not going to work. But the questionnaire was triggering. Asking about family history and early life. Significant people. Previous therapies. Urgh Just reminds me that nothing works and my life is always going to be shit.
[Rant/Rave] Car killed itself 🙂
/u/slip_n_slice
Created: Thu Apr 26 00:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f0fvl/car_killed_itself/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] how often do you weigh yourself?
/u/sugarpiIl [5'5 | 199 | 33.11 | 3 lbs lost | F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 23:02:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f05tt/how_often_do_you_weigh_yourself/
---
i try not to weigh myself daily but i usually do anyways
im challenging myself to only weigh myself once a week
this is hard
[Help] best laxatives???
/u/artisticgarden
Created: Wed Apr 25 22:57:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f04ze/best_laxatives/
---
[removed]
[Other] Exercise Induced Madness
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 22:57:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f04ty/exercise_induced_madness/
---
https://i.redd.it/zpl9nzbpp6u01.png
Letting go of control
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Wed Apr 25 22:55:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f04im/letting_go_of_control/
---
[removed]
[Goal] I only want what's unattainable
/u/Bleepbloopbroke [65|CW 114.4|GW 95|UGW 84|19.26|]
Created: Wed Apr 25 22:54:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f04d4/i_only_want_whats_unattainable/
---
Seriously. I want to be under 50 pounds and there's no fucking way I'd survive to get there. I can't even get under 100 and my stupid ED brain is telling me that my goals are not enough.
I don't know if it's because I've been under so much stress lately or what but I've recently become so much more obsessive over weight and calories than I ever have been. It's like my escape
Anyway I hope to be under 90 by the end of August. That's about 25 to go in 18 weeks and 2 days. And then when winter starts that's when I'm going for my real goals. Kinda hoping I'll just die along the way haha
[Help] Low calorie filling foods?
/u/vhshood98 [5'2 | 114 | BMI: Too high. | 15 | GW: 98 | M |]
Created: Wed Apr 25 22:42:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f023s/low_calorie_filling_foods/
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Ok, so, I have accepted that completely starving myself won't completely work for me. So, the best I can do is heavily restrict by eating really low cal foods that fill me up.
Do you guys have any that don't take a really long time to cook + not over 200-300 calories? I had an idea to make some egg whites with some salt or just an apple for breakfast, and maybe some fried rice and egg for lunch? I don't know how many calories these are. I SUCK AT COOKING.
Fasting made me gain???
/u/fourfoldcat [5'4 | 108 |18| GW:105 | -37 | 20F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 22:32:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8f008k/fasting_made_me_gain/
---
Hey guys! Please help me not go insane! I just ended my three day fast by eating a tub of halo top and a cup of chips. I know that isn't the best refeed but I'm broke and that is what I had in my dorm :')
So every morning of the fast I've weighed myself and I started at 110 and this morning I was 107. I just weighed myself after eating and it says 114!!!! Wtf???? I haven't been 114 in half a year??? I'm about to cry how did I gain from fasting?
[Discussion] That Study About r/proED
/u/functionalatbest
Created: Wed Apr 25 22:07:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ezvf6/that_study_about_rproed/
---
So, for those of you who don’t know, a study was recently published out of the Washington University School of Medicine about our little community here.
Here’s the link: [Body Image](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1740144517302528?via%3Dihub)
Personally, I think they’ve completely missed the mark. They mention that we encourage ED behaviours and don’t ever speak of recovery as an option, because the mods don’t allow it. Which is... blatantly false.
Obviously no one wants to hear “how about u just recover” when they’re struggling. Heck, I’d go to any normie in my life for that. But no one here - from what I’ve seen - doesn’t encourage recovery.
Anyway. I feel like they’ve made this out to be a completely negative and harmful space when it’s really, really not. It’s a community that offers people suffering from an incredibly isolating mental illness a place to go to feel like they’re less alone. But that’s all my opinion.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this “study”!
(As a scientist I also think their method was flawed and the impact and significance of the paper is minimal, but whatever.)
Liquid meal suggestions?
/u/anaccountanalright
Created: Wed Apr 25 22:07:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ezvcz/liquid_meal_suggestions/
---
I was going to post this from my main but I got scared lol
I’m fucking determined to have a dancer body, i don’t care the cost. I already eat so little but I can’t have the energy to exercise or work if I don’t have something, and if I try to eat solid food, I always go so overboard and binge in a truly disgusting way and I seem to be unable to purge.
Does anyone have recommendations for liquid meals that contain all essential amino acids and proteins, just what i need to continue losing weight? Preferably something that doesn’t taste awful but also doesn’t taste too great, I don’t want to be tempted to have too much.
Thank you.
[Help] Why is the scale going up way more than it technically should?
/u/vitalogy95 [5'5" | CW: 155 | BMI: 25.79 | GW: 115 | HW: 176]
Created: Wed Apr 25 21:56:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ezt4f/why_is_the_scale_going_up_way_more_than_it/
---
So I’ve had quite a few bad days over the passed two weeks, but overall, my surplus is 4800 calories- not to mention I always overestimate calories I’ve eaten. I also measure and weigh everything I eat, even on my bad days. So there’s just no way I could have gained more than a pound or two of fat, scientifically.
Yet I’m literally up about 7-9 pounds.
I’m freaking out.
I think I’m pmsing but I never retain this much water.
how can I exercise quietly and in my bedroom ?
/u/piscesdreamer9
Created: Wed Apr 25 21:34:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ezouz/how_can_i_exercise_quietly_and_in_my_bedroom/
---
anyone have any tips or advice on how I can exercise in my room without waking anybody up or drawing attention to myself, lol. thanks
[Help] Mmmmm, love that paranoia
/u/GreigeSwan [5'4.5 | 115| 19.4 |]
Created: Wed Apr 25 21:03:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ezicp/mmmmm_love_that_paranoia/
---
Last week I hit my 'goal weight' which, as many of you have noted, soon changed to something lower because my goal weight just seemed like a big ol' nothing. I was terrified of going to my first dress fitting for my wedding gown and feeling huge. I was determined to weigh no more than 115 and get a 24 inch waist for my fitting.
Unfortunately my hips kind of do lie (sorry, Shakira), and despite the weight lost I am still not a full one inch down on my waist, but almost a whole inch on my hips.
My BMI is still normal, so yuck. I have a large body frame, which always bothers me because I feel like the weight loss makes my ribs look gigantic.
And yet. I weigh less than I did in high school (I stopped gaining weight then). My mom, for the first time EVER, being the catalyst for so much of my ED and dysmorphia, told me I am too skinny. My fiance said he was worried. We had to take a ton off the waist and chest of my dress to the point that I am worried it's not going to look like the dress I bought because we have to make it more narrow now. I can't eat a muffin on my one 'treat yoself' day because it's just too much to eat. My tight pants are baggy.
And then the paranoia is still telling me this is all wrong, people are lying, my pants just lost their elasticity, my scale is broken, my dress was just too big to begin with...
Does anyone else feel this way? I don't just mean that the goal weight changes because it doesn't seem like the physical impact we wanted...but I'm in straight up denial that any of this is real and I'm not actually thinner. Which scares me. Because I could keep going on losing weight and not believing it. It's so screwed up.
[Help] New at MFP, is my whole TDEE left over??
/u/abagool
Created: Wed Apr 25 19:31:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eyxsy/new_at_mfp_is_my_whole_tdee_left_over/
---
https://i.redd.it/cgej7hj0p5u01.jpg
[Help] Your experience with insurance appeals with treatment facility.
/u/tacocat627
Created: Wed Apr 25 19:25:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eywhb/your_experience_with_insurance_appeals_with/
---
Hopefully you can help. I'm trying to understand this situation: basically, every few days during treatment, your insurance company can stop your coverage because it needs an update from the facility to see if the treatment is still "medically necessary."
Has anyone had experience with this process? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your two options are:
1. Stick with the treatment while they sort out the paperwork - this can last days. Best case: you pass the appeal and only have to pay insured rate (until next denial in a few days). Or if your insurance rejects it, you are on the hook for the full, non-insured daily rate during those days you went to treatment and waited. On top of that, you now officially know that you have no insurance coverage if you want (NEED) to continue treatment.
2. You decide not to take that risk and basically stop treatment just after a few days. If you pass the appeal, you return...to face this again and again. Sure, you won't be on the hook for full price because you left the program while waiting for insurance to be sorted out. But treatment is going to be super stressful and far less effectively if you're constantly stopping for days and maybe/not returning.
I would really appreciate hearing about your experiences and any advice!
[Rant/Rave] Felt like chocolate and planned to chew and spit a cookie. Instead I bought plain cheerios and a banana and the cravings went away.
/u/morco99
Created: Wed Apr 25 19:20:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eyveq/felt_like_chocolate_and_planned_to_chew_and_spit/
---
I'm really proud of myself right now. I gave up chewing and spitting about a week ago because one day it turned into a huge binge. I thought I'd try again today, but I have almond milk in my fridge that I don't want to go to waste and cheerios with a banana is a comfort food that reminds me of home (first quarter at college). I feel like if I had chocolate next to me right now I wouldn't have to eat it, whereas an hour ago I felt almost week from not giving into my cravings.
Side note: Anyone heard about the herb gymnema? It's an herb that apparently makes it difficult for people to taste sugar for the next few hours. I have such a bad sweet tooth that I think I'll buy some tonight.
[Rant/Rave] I'm starting to think my mom might be right
/u/TeenagersDepression
Created: Wed Apr 25 19:19:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eyv46/im_starting_to_think_my_mom_might_be_right/
---
I'm not asking for a diagnosis or anything, just venting a bit. This is pretty much just copy pasted from another thread I made, I wanted to post it here because I figured you guys would understand more.
I'm 16 and I've always been overweight. Just a couple years ago my I was technically obese. About a year ago I was tired of being fat so I started losing weight. I simply ate less. Small portions, cut the junk food, etc. It felt good at first but once I reached my goal weight I still felt fat so I kept lowering my goal weight. I'm about 10 pounds above underweight now. I started at 20 pounds overweight. My parents obviously noticed my weight loss and they constantly talk about how skinny I am. My mom told me that if I continued to lose weight she'd take me to a doctor or something because she suspects I might have an eating disorder. I brushed it off thinking obviously I don't.
I did some self evaluating recently and maybe I do, maybe I don't, but there's definitely something wrong with me. I examined my body in the mirror and I'm so boney but at the same time I feel so fat. I used to barely be able to wrap pointer finger and thumb around my wrist but now I can overlap my pinky and thumb. Sometimes I starve myself. Ive always tried to call it fasting because that sounds much better than starving, but I don't think fasting is what it is. If I don't do so well on a test I'll just give my lunch to someone else because I don't feel like I deserve to eat. I've not been a great person recently so I'm skipping dinner tonight. Stuff like that. I want help.
[Help] Any people with an ED living in Korea/Asia?
/u/leftshoelauren [5'3"F | CW 183 | GW 110]
Created: Wed Apr 25 18:59:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eyqjb/any_people_with_an_ed_living_in_koreaasia/
---
I just got my senior year graduation plan from my advisor and I am finally graduating next August. I'm super excited to finally be out of school and I've decided about a year ago that I want to teach English in S. Korea.
I start my TEFL certification in a few months which is going to make everything *very* real, but I just got my graduation plan and things are unimaginable real already.
I'm already at an ungodly weight, and now I have just a little over a year to ultimately lose half of my weight before I would feel confident getting on a plane to Korea. On one hand this is incredibly motivating, but on the other I'm deathly afraid of *not* making my GW by graduation.
This is probably a ridiculously niche market, but is anyone out there living as a westerner in Korea/Asia struggling with an ED? How is it? Are you even more aware of your size compared to everyone else?
I imagine it will be easier to eat lower calorie foods and maintain a lower weight once I'm there, but I don't want to be starting my time abroad taking up this much space. Any tips would be helpful! Thanks!
[Other] [Other] When does it stop getting so cold?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 25 18:57:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eyq12/other_when_does_it_stop_getting_so_cold/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eyq12/other_when_does_it_stop_getting_so_cold/
Ex bf is scares im pregnant becauae im period is late, but I lost my period 3 months ago due to undereating.
/u/DieNecrodancerKatze
Created: Wed Apr 25 18:46:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eynfc/ex_bf_is_scares_im_pregnant_becauae_im_period_is/
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[removed]
[Help] Binge video title
/u/chocolatecaks
Created: Wed Apr 25 18:43:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eymvv/binge_video_title/
---
Hi, sorry that the title probably makes no sense. I didn't know how else to word it. I've seen a lot of people on here mention how a specific video (documentry maybe?) has helped them stop binging. I tried recalling the name and looking for posts that mention what the title is, but now can't find it. I was wondering if anyone knew what I was refrencing and could help me find out what the title of the movie is?
[Rant/Rave] 2 Days Binge free!
/u/SkinnyAgain259 [Height 5’7” | CW 160lbs | BMI 25.2 | Gender F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 18:41:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eym8z/2_days_binge_free/
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I’ve finally been able to restrict for the last two days, only having 800 calories on Tuesday and 800 calories today. I think it’s the first time I’ve felt actual hunger in the last 6 months. I hope I can keep too it and finally start seeing results. I just want to be able to fit into my clothes again, I refuse to buy new ones lol
Laxatives... do they cause weight loss?
/u/emilypad
Created: Wed Apr 25 18:24:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eyibm/laxatives_do_they_cause_weight_loss/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Dumpster fire of thoughts
/u/krysalism [5'7" | CW 137.6 | GW 120 | UGW 115 | 17F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 18:05:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eydo7/dumpster_fire_of_thoughts/
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I'm sorry if this isn't completely ED related, I just need somewhere to let out some thoughts because goddamn it gets lonely in my head sometimes.
I have this guy friend who I only recently got to know better, so we've gotten a bit closer over the past few months. I sort of suspected that he liked me a while back, but I brushed it off because I thought he was just casually flirting (he's been known to flirt a lot with girls) and because the idea that someone might like me just seems foreign, I guess. My closest friend thinks he actually likes me but I don't even know what to think about that. See, I also think he has (had?) an eating disorder. On one hand, that's sort of why I'm a bit attracted to him, because to me that means he would understand what I'm going through and it's just comforting to know that someone gets it, but on the other hand I can also see it as super destructive. He's liked prettier and thinner girls than me in the past, so I don't even feel attractive around him (but really, when do I ever). I know I'm not ready for a relationship and I don't really feel that strongly about him so it would be cruel to lead him on but really I just want someone near me who might understand what goes on in my head. And of course, me being my incompetent self, I decide that the best way to fix this is to put up a wall where I can hide behind while I attempt to stomp out any feelings and lose a bunch of weight until I feel like I deserve some affection.
Exercise newbie- macros and exercises
/u/shharkie [61.5’’ | SW: 115 | CW:93 | BMI:17.98]
Created: Wed Apr 25 17:53:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eyar6/exercise_newbie_macros_and_exercises/
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I’m not sure when I should eat/what I should eat. Do I eat before or after? Should I eat carbs, proteins, fats? What exercises are the best to start off with? I’ve used an elliptical the past two times I’ve went (I’m pretty new to going to a gym) and the first day, I had a MASSIVE binge; the second day, I had to eat maintenance calories. I’m also planning on running, if I feel well enough.
Help a newbie out ;-; (and thanks for advice!)
[Discussion] I didn’t know this but spices DO have calories a surprising amount
/u/dietcokeismywater
Created: Wed Apr 25 17:44:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ey8pk/i_didnt_know_this_but_spices_do_have_calories_a/
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I went to put a tbsp of cinnamon on my homemade frap and I wasn’t going to put it into Loseit until my friend pointed out that it is actually like 20 calories for that tbsp.....holy crap I have been doing this for months
So I looked into other spices and they pretty much all have calories.
Garlic powder has like 30calories for 10grams .
I could be wrong I got the info from calorielab. Let me know your thoughts
I'm a sad, sad girl
/u/Erowyn_13 [5'9'' | 247 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 17:27:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ey4hl/im_a_sad_sad_girl/
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LTL;FTP
My life is spiralling out of control. I'm so glad that I'm broke right now because then I feel even more anxious about spending money on food when there's more important expenses I need to take care of. But right now I'm sitting in a dark corner of the library on campus, staring at the words 'don't eat' on my hand and crying my eyes out.
I'm sorry if this doesn't belong here. I just needed somewhere to put this.
[Rant/Rave] I need a Whiny Wednesday (and Tantrum Tuesday, and Morose Monday...)
/u/variousnecessities7 [5'4" F|CW 136|SW 145]
Created: Wed Apr 25 17:21:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ey32a/i_need_a_whiny_wednesday_and_tantrum_tuesday_and/
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Mostly, I don’t know who to talk to when I’m having a bad ED day which is rapidly becoming most days.
Are folks active in the chat room?
Idk. I have chest pain from trying and failing to purge my lunch from 11:30 after 6:30, and I’ve just C/Sd an entire jumbo cupcake, rice cake, and several pretzel bites. Now getting drunk on some mediocre bourbon.
For other folks who are undercover EDers (no one in your offline life knows), where do you turn on bad days to feel less alone?
[Rant/Rave] why is maintenance so much
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | CW 47.9 | BMI 17.6 | GW 47 | UGW 45]
Created: Wed Apr 25 17:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8exz5k/why_is_maintenance_so_much/
---
i managed to eat to maintenance today without meaning to because i just snacked too much and i want to die. i feel so full and big and bloated. ive been plateauing for almost two weeks and now ive gone and done this i want to cry im going to wake up 5lb heavier i feel so fucking disgusting i want to die
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel almost high in the mornings?
/u/kladarling [4'11"| SW 201 |CW185 | GW115 |23F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 16:52:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8exw4i/dae_feel_almost_high_in_the_mornings/
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Usually when I wake up for work and get ready in the mornings I feel fine, but once i get to the office and start working I suddenly feel dizzy and but not faint. Almost like I'm looking at the world through a fish bowl, I don't really know how to describe it. I don't eat break fast and usually only eat lunch on week days so by the time i get to work I'm about 20 hrs into a fast.
[Help] Trilinex and EC stacking?
/u/breezykiltviews
Created: Wed Apr 25 16:50:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8exvoz/trilinex_and_ec_stacking/
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[removed]
[Discussion] I'm putting off finishing reading Wintergirls because I don't want it to be over. Does anyone have any similar book recommendations I could check out?
/u/I_Love_Spiders_AMA [5' 7" | CW 145 | GW 110 | -45 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 16:37:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8exsa3/im_putting_off_finishing_reading_wintergirls/
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Mostly I'm enjoying reading about Lia's everyday life, her skewed perception of the world, and letting myself identify with her and be comforted with the similarities I feel towards her.
I'm not really interested in books about recovery necessarily but mostly everyday life and reading about how they feel/experience the world. Can be Fiction or Non-Fiction!
[Intro] I'm new and I'm struggling.
/u/dietingdietdie
Created: Wed Apr 25 15:59:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8exi99/im_new_and_im_struggling/
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Hi everyone. I'm not new to reddit, but I did create a new account to post here. I frequent popular fitness boards and people are judgemental as hell. I post rarely so please forgive formatting issues.
**A bit about my past**...I'm 27 years old and I've had an unhealthy relationship with food my entire life. At age 12 I weighed 230 pounds and I remember my dad used to try to bribe me to go on walks with him by offering me a dollar for every mile we'd walk. When I was a freshman in high school, I starting starving myself to lose weight. When I was a sophomore I'd skip lunch every day under the guise of needing the extra study hall. I have vivid memories of my emotions during this time. The panic I felt one time I clogged the toilet with my mac and cheese dinner. Having a piece of pizza on my plate and bawling because I wanted so badly to eat it without hating myself. How scared I felt when I blacked out on my living room floor after an 80 hour fast. Eventually I ended up stabilizing around 160lbs and staying there for the remainder of high school.
Cue college, when I began partying. I gained 50lbs my freshman year. FIFTY. The next 4 years was a cycle of lose 20lbs over summer, gain it back during school. I spent all of college binge drinking and eating shit. My last year of school, I started to grow out of that lifestyle and lost a lot of "friends." I got very depressed and developed anxiety. I knew I needed help so I tried therapy and medication. I felt like I was smarter than the therapists I tried (does that make me a narcissist?) and my medication seemed to make my depression worse. When I graduated, I said enough. I called it quits on everything and turned to the gym. I went from 196lbs to 155lbs in about 4 months and kept it off for about a year. I was in the best shape of my life and I was happy. In retrospect, I looked great but I was under eating and over training. I'd spend 3 hours in the gym every day - 1 hour doing cardio and 2 hours lifting. Everything was going great. In 2015, I moved several states away by myself and that's when everything went to shit.
When I moved, I wasn't in a good place financially. I was working 60 hours a week at two jobs and I was stressed the fuck out. I found myself turning to food to relax, to relieve stress, to cope with anxiety, fuck if I know. I remember the first time I *really* binged; I laid in bed and ate an entire box of smores oreos which pales in comparison to the food fests I've found myself in the past three years. I gained about 30 pounds in the first 5 months. Since then, I've been yoyoing the same 15 pounds ish. At first I attempted to justify my behavior with the whole *it's fine you're lifting do it for the booty gains* bullshit but I knew that was crap. I've continued lifting through out these past 3 years because I love it. I'm in love with the gym.
**Which brings me to the present.** I'm writing this out now because lately I am completely out of control. Daily binging, like 8,000+ calories. I'll do great for a month and lose 10 lbs, then one dessert or one restaurant meal or one night out will send me into two weeks of complete gluttony, gaining everything back plus more. I'll order $30 worth of food from Door Dash and turn around and order another $30 worth of food from GrubHub because I'm a disgusting fucking human. I've gone to the grocery store crying because I don't want to binge, but feel the "urge," buy pints of ice cream, cake, chips, pasta, anything and eat it all while crying. I wake up feeling like shit, bloated, puffy, and tell myself I don't want to eat crap and then...eat more fucking crap. Recently I've started going to the gym 3 times a day on my days off work...lifting for 2 hours, and doing two, separate 1 hour cardio sessions. I've cried in the gym twice in the past 4 days because I'm just so tired of being controlled by food. I'm so disciplined and so great with my workouts...why I can't I be that way with my eating habits? I've read books, I've listened to podcasts, I've tried SO hard to remove myself from situations where I might binge but I just end up isolating myself and binging anyway. I feel so helpless and hopeless. I told my mom that I think I need help and she told me I should "take a nutrition class" LOL okay mom. I'm sorry that this is long as hell. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe just some people who understand.
**TLDR;** I've spent my entire life dieting/starving/binging and I'm so out of control right now that I really just need support because I feel like I'm losing my shit.
[Other] Kind of upset about getting my period back
/u/clemintide
Created: Wed Apr 25 15:49:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8exfm3/kind_of_upset_about_getting_my_period_back/
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I should be happy right? I hadn’t had it in over half a year. For the past 2 months I’ve been in a binge cycle and finally got it under control, that I can start restricting again. But with the fat gain and increase in calories, I finally got my period back and somehow I just feel like that means I’m not doing my best. Like my brain is telling me that I need to make this go away. Like not eating enough is something to be proud of. Which it isn’t really but my disorder makes me think it is. Ugh
[Other] I was inspired by the inflammatory essay that was posted earlier today
/u/kladarling [4'11"| SW 201 |CW185 | GW115 |23F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 15:28:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ex9ro/i_was_inspired_by_the_inflammatory_essay_that_was/
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https://imgur.com/gallery/HxDHYoX
[Rant/Rave] Everyone thinks my binge eating is so hilarious.
/u/KeyHeight
Created: Wed Apr 25 15:12:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ex5ky/everyone_thinks_my_binge_eating_is_so_hilarious/
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I go through periods of heavy restriction and gross overeating. I guess the restriction isn't too noticeable, but people think the periods when I am eating too much are just hilarious.
"Did you eat another whole bag of cheese puffs again?"
"Want some more candy?"
"Where's the chocolate?"
"Don't you want a whole pizza to yourself?"
It makes me feel like shit.
[Discussion] What has helped you the most in overcoming anorexia?
/u/Beatonbrat
Created: Wed Apr 25 15:05:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ex3h6/what_has_helped_you_the_most_in_overcoming/
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I'm a recent graduated nurse that's working at a psychiatric ward for teenagers (only been working for a couple of weeks). We have lots of patients with anorexia and bullemia. I find it hard to reach them a lot of times. Looking for advice from people who managed to live with their disease and become better. What are some of the things that helped you the most? Were you told something that opened your eyes and started your journey towards having a more healthy relationship with your body? I realize that everyone is an individual and there are different reasons for becoming an anorectic and it takes a lot of time to become better, but I believe you can get a more healthy relationship with your body and you need to if you want to survive.
My thoughts are that it usually stems from a feeling or fear of not being loved, liked, accepted... by the people around you and anorexia is the emotional outlet. The reality is you will never be loved or liked by all people and that's a fact everyone has to face. You can never control what other people will think of you. The only thing you have control over are your own thoughts and at some point, you have to decide for yourself that you want to get better. Am I thinking wrong?
Sorry if my english is poor, not my first language. Would much appreciate to hear from recovering or recovered anorectics!
[Rant/Rave] free food on college campus is the worst
/u/chili_jones
Created: Wed Apr 25 14:53:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ex0b9/free_food_on_college_campus_is_the_worst/
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it feels like I can't even walk to class without free food/pizza/candy being thrown at me. and then i get weird looks from my friends and classmates for not taking it b/c we're all poor and supposed to relishing in free food... whereas im sitting here trying to eat as little as possible.
any college peeps relate?
[Other] Thought this would fit in here.
/u/alovelytime
Created: Wed Apr 25 14:53:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ex08r/thought_this_would_fit_in_here/
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https://imgur.com/a/DZxo2Vi
I am a fat turd, undeserving of any form of connection outside of a daydream
/u/gradsquests
Created: Wed Apr 25 14:45:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ewxyx/i_am_a_fat_turd_undeserving_of_any_form_of/
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- No 6 pack? Check.
- Lost your barely visible 4 pack before beach season because you chose stuffing your fat fucking face instead of self discipline? Check.
- Put milk over nonfat milk in your coffee? Check.
- No significant other cause you’re an ugly fuck? Check.
- Get weirdly bitter and scowl seeing other attractive beings? Check.
- Love handles you fat piggy? Check.
- Unworthy of love intrinsicly or extrinsicly? Check.
[Rant/Rave] this bitch...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 25 14:40:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ewwd6/this_bitch/
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[deleted]
[Help] Feeling really shaky after purging
/u/Yet_Living
Created: Wed Apr 25 14:36:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ewvdo/feeling_really_shaky_after_purging/
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I spent the last few hours binging and purging an insane amount of food. I’m tidying up now afterwards and I feel really dizzy and I’m shaking. I’m finding it difficult to type sentences. This hasn’t happened before and I’m not sure what to do. I drank some water but I feel the same.
Upping my calories for the rest of the week?
/u/DenyMyHunger [5'7"|SW:247|CW:209 | -38 | GW:112| HW:294|27F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 14:19:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ewqf9/upping_my_calories_for_the_rest_of_the_week/
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So I'm at 209lbs (lol kill me). More than 30lbs down and so close to a UK size 16 (was a UK22), can get size 16 trousers on and zip them but muffin top LOL. But I've binged the last 4 days and am freaking out as the scales are not going down and have WENT UP A POUND. I've been sticking to 800-1000 cals a day (TDEE 1900) but am gonna be working 3x10 hour shifts this week and 3x8hours. Do you think it's a good idea to "up" my calories to 1400 just to get me by this week? I restrict at work eating nothing or maximum 300 cals then binge when I get home. It's just been the last week with the extra hours i seem to be doing this and i feel like if I up them til Sunday I MIGHT be able to get through and then go back to 1000. I dunno, I just feel out of control and disgusted with myself and could do with some advice 💞
[Rant/Rave] After months recovering, I’m back on my ED BS
/u/little_chicken_wing [5’5” | 109 | bmi 18.1]
Created: Wed Apr 25 14:04:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ewm5y/after_months_recovering_im_back_on_my_ed_bs/
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After months spent recovering, I feel myself sinking back into my ED habits. My life has been feeling crazy and out of control, and for some reason restricting like crazy seems to help (destructive coping mechanisms, anyone?)
I want to just maintain a low weight, but I’m always either trying to lose or else I’m gaining.
Right now, I’m back up to 117lbs, and the thought of being at a healthy weight makes me nauseous. My size 12 children’s pants are starting to get a little tight & while some part of me recognizes that I’m not supposed to be the size of a medium child, the rest of me is screaming in protest.
[Help] I am considering attending Overeaters Anonymous so I can restrict more. Idk what's happening to me.
/u/cacathrowaway
Created: Wed Apr 25 13:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ewhk4/i_am_considering_attending_overeaters_anonymous/
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For starters, I have a BMI of 20.1, and I have EDNOS. I am not even losing weight. I just stay within the same 10 lb range and cycle through overeating and undereating. I just looked into OA (overeaters anonymous) and meetings in my city, and all I was thinking was that I was going to attend and basically lie at every meeting so I could learn how to stop compulsively eating/overeating (which I do actually do). And then I could more easily caffeinate and restrict all day. I should **not** do this, right?
What is even happening to me?
Btw, I have not been talking to my therapist or my psychiatrist about my ED shit for several months bc I'm so deathly afraid that they will do something that will cause me to gain weight (like stop one of my meds or something), and I also am afraid to talk to my current therapist because he doesn't even believe that I have an ED. So Idfk what to do.
[Rant/Rave] Obsessing over calorie counting
/u/MissMagus
Created: Wed Apr 25 13:41:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ewfvl/obsessing_over_calorie_counting/
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Every. Little. Thing.
I'm a chronic snacker too....small things here and there, but its all like 10 cal for this or 20 for that....adding it all up makes me feel so pathetic.
Like today so far:
5 reeses pieces - 20
A tablespoon of salsa - 10
Splash of almond milk - 5
Bean crisps - 25
Matcha - 24
A few peas - 10?
So on so forth
Idk man, im driving myself insane trying to keep track of these tiny tidbits. I'm only at 145 for the day so far but my list of foods/snacks/bits is insane.
Its only like this on days I'm off work cause I have all morning to dwell on my stomach. It's driving me mad yoooo.
[Rant/Rave] anyone else got STUBBY-ASS LEGS?!
/u/heyheypicklejay [5'1 | cw 98 | gw 90 | bmi 19.32 | 20F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 13:27:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ewc1c/anyone_else_got_stubbyass_legs/
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Me and my little sister were comparing heights the other day, and while we are the EXACT same height, her legs start about 3 inches up from where mine do.
So even though Im 10lbs lighter than her and the same height, my legs look like little vienna sausages next to hers?! All I want are thinso thighs but instead Im STUBBY McSTUBSTER walking down STUB STREET with my CHURIZO THIGHS.
That is all.
[Discussion] Music/media empathetic to mental illness and trauma
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 136 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 13:03:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ew5g5/musicmedia_empathetic_to_mental_illness_and_trauma/
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**TLDR**: Share music or media you love that relates to mental illness and trauma, if you want :)
So today I was enjoying music from Flyleaf, and I was thinking about how a lot of their music (with their original lead singer at least) expresses experience with mental illness and trauma in such a beautiful way. I really wanted to share some of it here, but then I thought why not make a post where everyone can post stuff they love about those topics? I've seen a lot of posts about music specifically about EDs, but I know a lot of us deal with a ton of other problems that is also stigmatized and not always common in music. So hopefully we can share stuff with each other and find more media that we like and all that. **Also, this post also deserves a big fat Trigger Warning, just to be safe**.
Flyleaf:
[I'm Sorry](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8OVBhIs3uw) *(sexual abuse)*
[Sorrow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEu1pSv7T18) *(grieving death of a loved one, depression, but not 100% sure)*
[Rant/Rave] I bought a mirror
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 12:53:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ew2hp/i_bought_a_mirror/
---
So that I could take progress/thinspo/body check pics. I have all the other mirrors in my room covered but I decided I need a full length mirror for pictures. Kind of ashamed of myself. EDs are weird is my point, I guess.
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel left out of your own friend group? I’m so sad
/u/chipotleisbae111
Created: Wed Apr 25 12:47:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ew0u7/dae_feel_left_out_of_your_own_friend_group_im_so/
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I’ve been friends with 2 other girls since middle school - beginning of high school. We’re now in our last years of college so it has been around 8 years since we met. We have a group chat and occasionally I post mental health checks throughout the semester and ask how they are doing. This entire morning and afternoon I’ve been listening to my one friend rant about her roommate/best friend, their drama, and how she’s being bullied. My other friend eventually chimes in and gives her support. The two of us are just telling our friend that she deserves better and how sorry we are that this is happening to her. After, we start talking about our plans after college. And they’re kind of being flippant towards me.... like trying to hurry up the conversation. I start telling them how I’ve been feeling depressed and something something sexual assault and how I started therapy two weeks ago.... it’s been 3 hours and no one has replied to me. I hate that this is making me feel really anxious and I want to cry. I broke up with my bf recently.. who was my only friend and the only person I talked to regularly. I just want someone to care
[Discussion] Chew and spit?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 25 12:43:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8evzs1/chew_and_spit/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Purging diet coke
/u/srh01
Created: Wed Apr 25 12:37:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8evy34/purging_diet_coke/
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So right after class at like 1pm, I went to my university's library, where the restroom I typically purge in is located, and bought a 20-oz Diet Coke from the cafe. I then proceeded to drink half of it and purge in the restroom, even though the Coke was the first thing I consumed today and I purged the only meal I ate yesterday. I literally just purged a liquid with zero calories and zero sugar out of the fear it could make me fat.
Why am I like this?
[Rant/Rave] Chew and spit
/u/monstersona
Created: Wed Apr 25 12:36:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8evxn2/chew_and_spit/
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I've had a really rough few days. I've lost nothing due to my lax days. Im slacking off and I want to get down to my next marker by May. I stayed home from work because I'm so depressed and on my period, and I feel like binging but my father in law is home so I'll never be able to purge. My s.o. is gone all day so I'm gonna chew and spit all the binge food I bought last night. If I do it right I'll have eaten nothing today.
Discord server for support.
/u/discordfored121
Created: Wed Apr 25 12:30:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8evvyx/discord_server_for_support/
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Hey Y'all.
I've been on this subreddit for a long, long time. I've only posted here a few times, and have mainly lurked.
A few days ago, I came up with an idea for a discord server. A discord server for anyone looking for any kind of support, whether you are the one struggling, or you know someone who is struggling and are looking for advice.
This server is a safe space. There will be no tolerance for judgement or dismay on it.
Eating disorder support is still in extreme alpha stages, and I'm looking and am very open to all suggestions.
If you are interested in this, feel free to join.
https://discord.gg/mv2wv3t <- link.
----------
Don't have discord?
It's a free program, similar to skype and Teamspeak, except a lot more modernized and more efficient.
You can download it on all platforms, IoS, Andriod, PC, Mac, Linux, etc.
Here is the link to download discord itself:
https://discordapp.com/download
[Rant/Rave] The reassurance of an empty stomach
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 12:26:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8evuqf/the_reassurance_of_an_empty_stomach/
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Having an empty stomach is so comforting.
That certainty of having consumed exactly zero calories and the fact that there's absolutely no possibility of having underestimated any calorie count of any meal is incredibly calming.
I'm so woefully addicted to this feeling, so why is it so hard to just fast for days on end?
[Rant/Rave] Gained weight?!?
/u/abagool
Created: Wed Apr 25 12:23:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8evu1s/gained_weight/
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AAAAA I’ve been doing IF, restricting (I’ve messed up but haven’t eaten above my TDEE at least), and trying to work out. I went to the gym today. I weighed myself and I’ve gained two pounds since the last time I hopped on the scale, up to 111 (I’m 5’1). I’m on my period and haven’t taken any laxatives in a few days so that might be a mitigating factor but still, this is the heaviest I’ve EVER been and I’m so sad. My friends assure me that it’s just muscle, but my brain goes haywire if I’m over 103 lbs, muscle or not. I just feel so out of control
[Rant/Rave] Can't get over my face
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 114 | GW 100 | ftm]
Created: Wed Apr 25 12:17:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8evs28/cant_get_over_my_face/
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I have a chubby, round face, and a double chin that ONLY goes away if I'm 110lbs or under. I can't stand it, I hate being looked at, I never want to eat again
[Rant/Rave] i need some space
/u/dietcokeangel [5'3 | 104lbs | 18.5 | -22lbs | GNC F 21]
Created: Wed Apr 25 12:11:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8evqhh/i_need_some_space/
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i ... need to move out of the house soon - the moment i walked downstairs my entire family was looking at me, and i knew they had been talking about me as I COULD HEAR IT through the ceiling. It made me so pissed ... that instead of like talking to me (which i rather have they wont) they decide to sneak behind my back and talk about me...
i know i have problems and i know that they affect them too, but i just want to move out and have my own space where i don't have to hide and slither against the wall so in effort to not be seen or yelled at.
their fake concern is bothering me a lot to this point.
[Other] I Bought Flowers For Myself Today, Because Fuck You, Anxiety & Depression. Wanted To Share With You All, Too.
/u/TertiaryWings [5'1"| 🐳 | UGW125? | -37.6 | 26F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 12:03:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8evnzl/i_bought_flowers_for_myself_today_because_fuck/
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https://i.redd.it/5g41n055h3u01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Haven't purged in 13 days!
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 171.8 | HW 197 | LW 122 | 30F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 11:23:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8evcj1/havent_purged_in_13_days/
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I just realized it been almost 2 full weeks since my last b/p! Now I feel like I'm good, I don't have an eating disorder at all. That I'm totally cured and probably never had an ED to begin with. I go to Overeaters anonymous and the only change is recently I haven't been going to meetings. Maybe I keep purging to feel like I deserve to go? Maybe I should quit altogether and then my ed will just go away.
[Help] Do energy drinks and other stimulants help reduce hunger?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: 155.2 | -39.8]
Created: Wed Apr 25 10:54:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ev490/do_energy_drinks_and_other_stimulants_help_reduce/
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was thinking of investing in 0 cal monster or 5 hour energy
[Help] Vegetarian doing low carb diet.
/u/JoelleBirch
Created: Wed Apr 25 10:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ev0il/vegetarian_doing_low_carb_diet/
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Like the title states, I'm a vegetarian doing a low carb diet. I try to stick to less than 20g carbs a day. However I don't think its really helping very much since I only eat around 4-700 calories a day. I miss potatoes. Does anyone know if doing a low carb diet is effective at such a calorie deficit? Should I just be focusing on caloric intake and not worrying about carbs? Any advice?
[Other] I love this Inflammatory Essay by Jenny Holzer, thought you guys might be interested!
/u/figglygiggly
Created: Wed Apr 25 10:25:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8euvo1/i_love_this_inflammatory_essay_by_jenny_holzer/
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https://i.redd.it/syvnwielz2u01.jpg
[Other] I love this Inflammatory Essay by Jenny Holzer, thought you guys might be interested!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 25 10:24:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8euvgt/i_love_this_inflammatory_essay_by_jenny_holzer/
---
https://i.redd.it/5bc0xyqgz2u01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I’m preparing to start taking my masters in nutrition and I will be adding 20% to all listed calories from now on
/u/gothicapples
Created: Wed Apr 25 10:12:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eus79/im_preparing_to_start_taking_my_masters_in/
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I was in my brush up class (brushing up on my Bachelors of nutritionI science)want to take my Masters in nutrition science but I haven’t practiced in a few years so I started catching up on all the latest info and newest science.
I was in a class today and we were talking about food labels
I have always known they are not 100% correct but I had no idea that the labels are allowed to be up to 20% wrong.
if something is 150 calories it could be as low as 120 up to 180.
In personally will be adding 20% to all listed calories just in case.
So yea thank you school for making me feel even more paranoid.
[Discussion] Nostalgia
/u/handzies
Created: Wed Apr 25 09:40:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8euiwe/nostalgia/
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So, I haven't been off the recovery train for much time, 4 weeks about. It is alot diffrent this time around, I'm 22 now. I have an adult job. I have a slower metabolism? When I was 18 I could loose 10 pounds in a week. Now I am struggling to loose 5 on the same restriction? What the fuck body?
Leaves me feeling nostalgic for the days I could restrict and loose a pound a day. Really makes me feel broken and simultaneously wanna push myself farther.
All these familiar feelings bring me back to only eating apples and when hydroxy cut still had effrine in it. I'm nostalgic.
[Other] I can't wait until I'm old
/u/zorbiz [5' 8" | 18.5 | 23F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 09:11:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8euaud/i_cant_wait_until_im_old/
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My looks will fade. My body will sag and wrinkle. Men will pass me by without noticing me.
It will be liberating.
I will be able to focus on the things I care about. I will be able to lay in the sun without fear of wrinkles, eat cake without fear of bloating, act like my true self in front of a man without wondering if he'll still want to date me.
But I don't want to wait until I'm old to start living my life. I want to go skinny dipping and laugh without covering my mouth and sing off key and dance in public *now*.
[Discussion] have y'all ever been "open" about your ED?
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | fat | too high | Ugw: 7 lb 3 oz | 🍑 parahorizons]
Created: Wed Apr 25 08:37:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eu19l/have_yall_ever_been_open_about_your_ed/
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I'm pretty open about a lot of identities and other metal illnesses like my depression and anxiety, especially with self deprecating jokes. Only recently though (like, this semester) have I felt like i have genuine friends that i can mention my ED or other problems to. The first time i did was because we were talking about a girl in our class and i said she probably has an ED and they asked me how i knew and i said "i used to be on the bs", and it wasn't weird. the other times were this week when i was freaking out about going to get ice cream with my class as a final and i was telling my friends i needed an excuse not to go and i said "ill just email him saying eating around people is a trigger and i don't feel comfortable with it" one of my friends told me not to lie about that and i told her it wasnt a lie and she calmly and casually said "okay, then tell him that, it's valid". the third time was yesterday before a final, we were all freaking out and my friend said "we can go to taco bell after it!!" and i replied with "ok i'll go over my calorie limit for you today" and she said "aw" and hugged me. It's just weird how casually i can mention it, obv not the weird obsessive behaviours and the extremes i go to/ want to get to but the casual small things i struggle with. Im also not about to unload my trauma on to them but mentioning it helps. It feels good, is this what healthy friendships feel like??!!!
[Discussion] BMI vs. BFP
/u/beetobeeme
Created: Wed Apr 25 08:21:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8etx1o/bmi_vs_bfp/
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Did anyone else transition to focusing on their Body Fat % after reaching their goal BMI and still feel shitty about their body?
I reached my weight but still look like a flabby crap sack and want to change that. I am scared of eating more because I just got to a comfortable place with my low cal meals. I don’t want to eat more, but I feel way too weak to exercise during my work week.
[Discussion] I was craving candy so I ate a grape flavored children's Benadryl. Why am I like this.
/u/fieryanxiety [5'7" | CW 119 | BMI 19| HW 159 | GW 110]
Created: Wed Apr 25 08:06:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8etsze/i_was_craving_candy_so_i_ate_a_grape_flavored/
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DAE do weird and borderline insane things to satisfy a craving??
[Discussion] I only care about numbers
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 184 lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 07:14:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8etgfz/i_only_care_about_numbers/
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Is anyone else like this? I don't strive to LOOK a certain way, I just want the scale to read low. I want a low band size, I want a low waist size, I want a low waist/hip ratio.
I don't really care how that reflects on my body.
[Rant/Rave] WTF am I even doing?
/u/CoffeeAndArt
Created: Wed Apr 25 07:04:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8etduq/wtf_am_i_even_doing/
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WARNING: this is gonna be a probably confusing rant because I just need to get some stuff off my chest.
Idek what I'm doing one moment I'm restricting, the next I'm bingeing, then I'm purging, then I don't care, then I hate myself, then I want to die, then I binge and then I restrict and I just keep switching hour to hour between these mindsets and it's been Like this for weeks. I hate myself, I just want to be thin but I can't bring myself to restrict long enough to achieve that. I have random moments when I just want to cry and I can feel my body bloating to become even more disgusting and I just want to rip out all the fat and scream. And then suddenly I'm fine, I'm with my partner, I eat food, then I leave and start panicking and hating myself because it hits me how masny calories I've just consumed and then I have to eat dinner and I feel so disgusting.
I've gained so much weight I'm considered obese, even though people say I don't look it and I'm only heavy because of muscle I can see the disgusting flab that coats my body, my stomach dropping over my pants, my tuckshop arms, my legs so big they're literally the size of my friends torso. I'm disgusting and I look like a grotesqly fat whale everywhere I go, and yet I still binge and don't loose weight. I don't know if I have an eating disorder or whether or not I'm just making this all up as an excuse to stuff my face. I feel so guilty and gross and fat ALL THE FUCKING TIME, and then I push it all down and ignore it until it all bubbles over like a tidal wave of emotions and thoughts like rn.
I should honestly just kill myself because I contribute nothing to society but I can't because I can't bring myself to do it, I don't want to hurt my friends or family. But then something like today happens, when my little cousin laughs about how I'm the fat cousin, about how much I ate at dinner, loudly stating that I have massive fat legs, and I just want to end it all. My partner says it's not true, it's just my cousin being annoying, but little kids always just say what they think, they don't hide it like others do. She's just saying what I know everyone thinks.
I'm just being swept along by life atm, with no purpose, constantly switching mindstates and never changing. Please guys I just need something to motivate me, call me disgusting, laugh at how pathetic I am, do anything because rn the only purpose in my life is to loose weight, I think it's the only thing that could make me truly happy.
Sorry about that, it probs made no sense and I know most people won't read it. I just really need to get this out and I think here is the only place I can.
[Help] Vegan keto while restricting (max 1000 calories/day)
/u/dotprinceton [5'3" | CW 96.2lb | BMI 17.51 | GW 92lb | 37F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 06:27:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8et5hv/vegan_keto_while_restricting_max_1000_caloriesday/
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I'm vegan, but I've never tried a keto diet. I'm getting underweight and the flab I have is killing me. I thought losing some fat might be a good idea.
Potential issue: I'm intensely afraid of fats. I also am a huge low-calorie/high-density eater. I like to eat a lot over a long period of time.
If I did this, I'd likely only be keto on weekends, as I tend to eat with my husband most other days.
Any recommendations or experiences appreciated. I've seen some vegan keto websites, but they seem to assume a much higher caloric limit.
Edit: typos and general brain malfunction
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 25, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 25 06:12:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8et25z/daily_food_diary_april_25_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for April 25, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday April 25, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 25 06:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8et1wu/way_to_go_wednesday_april_25_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for April 25, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Goal] Im Back Guys
/u/fuckingilluminated
Created: Wed Apr 25 05:48:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8esx22/im_back_guys/
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Was gone for a hot second, now I'm back. CW is 190. I've just kinda slipped back into bad behaviors. I thought I was ready for recovery, but I can't yet. I am no where near my UGW. I need 6 more months, my birthday is just over 6 months from now. I need to at least be 125 by then. I can't be anything else, this is fucking killing me. Sorry, this is a rant/rave and my goals. Thanks guys.
[Other] bodyvisualizer tool thing
/u/cozyday [F22|19.4 | 5'6" | CW: 120.8 | ]
Created: Wed Apr 25 04:56:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8esn3h/bodyvisualizer_tool_thing/
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Ok so firstly sorry about the title. I have 0 idea how to title this.
I found this tool and I really wanted to share it with you all! It’s basically a website where you enter body measurements/stats and it 3D renders the body. I thought it’s a great tool for body dysmorphia. It’s also interesting to see how I would look skinnier (and fatter for reverse thinspo lol). Im also obsessed with numbers and stats so thats my jam.
The website: http://bodyvisualizer.com/
Ofcourse I had to compare the rendered body with my stats to my actual body and the results are… interesting?
Here are the pics: https://imgur.com/a/4zcBnhR (NSFW)
If you do make your own comparison I would love to see.
[Intro] This is probably partially grossly tmi but I just had a revelation
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 25 04:44:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8esl36/this_is_probably_partially_grossly_tmi_but_i_just/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] do you guys ever feel like, super self-aware about your disordered actions but unable to stop doing them?
/u/plumbum-dirigible [5'3| CW 99 | 17.5 | UGW 89 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 25 03:04:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8es50v/do_you_guys_ever_feel_like_super_selfaware_about/
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So I'm relapsing really really hard into my eating disorder after being in recovery for a year. I feel like I spent enough time eating healthily and being at a healthy weight that I can acknowledge that I feel both physically and mentally awful right now. I can't sleep at all, I have massive headaches all the time, I'm freezing even though it's finally warming up, and everything just hurts all the time. I'm so much angrier now and I've gone from constantly hanging out with people and doing things to not leaving my room for another other than class for a week. Like, objectively, I can look at myself and think "hey, this is clearly making me miserable."
but man my fucking lizard brain just does not give a shit. It's like no matter how much I tell myself that relapsing isn't worth it, I just can't physically get myself to eat. I can't even get myself to eat 800 calories a day without feeling incredibly guilty, even though I know that it's not sustainable/healthy. It's just so weird because I know that losing weight won't actually make me feel better about my body, but here i am. sorry for the word vomit lol
anybody else in that weird gray-area where you know that your ED isn't sustainable/actually helping anything, but you're still too scared to do anything else?
[Rant/Rave] Here’s a bunch of fucked up thoughts that have been running through my mind that I just need to get off my chest 🙃
/u/deadlylikesugar
Created: Wed Apr 25 02:33:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8es0ju/heres_a_bunch_of_fucked_up_thoughts_that_have/
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Hi friends. Thank you in advance to anyone who reads this. ❤️
• Recently discovered r/fuckeatingdisorders and....I...just.... 3/4 of the posts are about recovery, and although I’m happy for them (sincerely), I’m embarrassed to admit that it irritated me. I felt...almost offended?? As if reading their posts would bring me down? I just don’t want anything to do with recovery and didn’t want to accidentally read something that would ‘trigger’ me into trying to recover.... lol. I’m pathetic. I feel like a horrible person.
• Fiancé had a serious talk with me about not losing any more weight. He was really concerned. I secretly loved it....but it made me feel incredibly anxious and insecure af. Now I feel more motivated than ever to lose more??? Like I have to prove to him that I have a *real* problem before I can actually ‘stop losing’?? I hate that he’s worried about me. I don’t want to make him worry.....but also, I do???? **Why am I like this???**
• Considered putting an end to restricting for a little while. Literally felt fatter after thinking about it...... thought I *looked* bigger after thinking about it. Started wondering if I’m actually onto something, like a placebo effect... cause that’s logical. L o l
• I’m seeing a dear friend that I love very much in a little over a month. She also struggles with an ED. I can see through social media that she’s relapsed. I’m sure she has seen that I have relapsed. I. Am. So. Damn. Unhealthily determined to be smaller than her when I see her..... but then it fucking terrifies me to think that she might be feeling the same way. Not because of the competition, but because I cant stand the thought that she might be going through the same pain as I am. She’s too precious and amazing to go through this stupid, painful shit. I just want it to be nothing but a happy/fun time, but fuck, I know either way, it’s inevitable that one of us is going to end up triggering the other even more. This makes me feel *incredibly* guilty about wanting to be smaller, because triggering her is the last thing I would want. It’s all just so messed up. I can already feel the tension in the air. Ugh.
Pls feel free to insert your F’d up thoughts that might be a little embarrassing to share irl. 🙃 Pls feel free to help me feel a little less crazy.
[Discussion] Pros and Cons of Caffeine Pills
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Wed Apr 25 01:28:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8erqvv/pros_and_cons_of_caffeine_pills/
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Can I please get some of ya’ll opinions/experience with caffeine pills. I just bought some, they were kinda expensive, $36 for 30. I have been taking them daily, I restrict and or fast a lot, and feel like I need the extra energy for uni and the gym.
Pros
Do feel more awake
Cons
Gives me a sore stomach
Doesn’t last very long
Don’t think it is suppressing my appetite
They have 250mg of caffeine in them. Do I need to be taking more than one a day??
Any opinions or comments are well appreciated. I would like to EC stack but it is illegal in NZ and I get regularly drug tested.
Thanks my sisters.
[Intro] Oblig. Joined Peach
/u/CripplingSerotonin [5'6.5" | CW: 129lbs | UGW: 95 | -13 | 22F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 23:57:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8erbz5/oblig_joined_peach/
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I’m looking for people to follow (mine is cacao_borkova). Drop your username below and I’ll add you. I’ll delete this post after 24 hours.
[Other] Youtuber tries different diets and shows how they work
/u/gothicapples
Created: Tue Apr 24 23:37:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8er8kn/youtuber_tries_different_diets_and_shows_how_they/
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=f4tbCQK_Xvc
I truly love his videos and he has done some weird diets and shows how much weight you can lose or gain on various diets
If you have a chance check out his “week on” series
[Help] Having been sexually assaulted and/or raped three times I can't help but feel it's my fault
/u/tryingwithmarkers [5'10" ☀️ attempting recovery]
Created: Tue Apr 24 23:28:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8er72o/having_been_sexually_assaulted_andor_raped_three/
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I know this isn't really the right sub to post this but I feel so lost and the r/rape subreddit says "you aren't allowed to post here" when I try it there. I just need someone right now.
The first time the guy laced weed we were smoking.
The second time was at a bar while we were dancing.
The third time was that same night with a guy I had been talking to and he wouldn't take no for an answer after I told him I didn't want to many times.
It feels like since this has happened to me in the past year it must somehow be my fault and I don't know how to get out of this thought process. I literally still have nightmares a few times a week about the events happening again.
Even when my body has changed, the hate lies in wait. In the hot dark. Patient for its pounce.
/u/serenitary
Created: Tue Apr 24 22:58:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8er1l4/even_when_my_body_has_changed_the_hate_lies_in/
---
https://medium.com/s/unrulybodies/the-body-navigating-40-years-of-self-loathing-80cdb7b6b7a1
[Rant/Rave] Both wanting and not wanting to get better
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Tue Apr 24 22:50:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8er02t/both_wanting_and_not_wanting_to_get_better/
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Does anyone else feel like this? I feel so conflicted. I don’t really know why I want to lose weight, but at the same time I do. I’m fat, ugly, disgusting... but I’m not, but I am.
I don’t need to lose weight, but I need to. I don’t know why I have to. I just know it’s imperative.
Before I had “normal” days where it was like I didn’t have this disorder at all. I ate about two small meals a day which was a lot for me and maybe had a snack or two.
But now I beat myself up over a single piece of a chip. I feel like I’m falling deeper into this disorder.
I know this isn’t okay and I know I need/am supposed to get help, but at the same time I don’t want help. I don’t want it at all. I just want to be left alone.
Most weight you lost in a short amount of time?
/u/PerfectPotato100
Created: Tue Apr 24 22:41:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eqybh/most_weight_you_lost_in_a_short_amount_of_time/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] My mom found out I purged and I dont know what to do
/u/gastrulablastopore
Created: Tue Apr 24 22:32:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eqwmx/my_mom_found_out_i_purged_and_i_dont_know_what_to/
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(Rant/rave, on mobile sorry) I haven’t been purging in a while but this week I just freaking lost it. This week I had to deal with a difficult situation and I was so stressed that I gorged on a bunch of pizza and chocolate and afterwards I felt so so awful that I threw up all over the trashcan lying openly under my bed - stupid I know.
My mom’s not usually home so I thought no one would notice but she came home tonight and found out. She asked me why I threw up in front of all of my family and why i’m trying to lose weight ( this is a dumb question because I’m pretty damn fat but it means she knows what Im doing). I don’t know if she’s going to do anything else, I don’t know what my siblings think now, and I really really just want to disappear. Thanks for listening. If anyone has experienced this before I’d love to know the fallout so I know what’s coming.
[Rant/Rave] My perfectionism is ruining my life.
/u/borris000 [5'5" | CW: 101.4 | BMI: 17.1]
Created: Tue Apr 24 22:11:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eqscn/my_perfectionism_is_ruining_my_life/
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[removed]
[Discussion] [Help] (And discussion) I'm going to a counselling session next week
/u/squishyskeleton [Height 5”5 | CW 52.3kg | BMI 19.1 | Weight Lost 20+kg | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 21:57:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eqpec/help_and_discussion_im_going_to_a_counselling/
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And I'm terrified. This will be the first time in a long time since I have seen professional help for a mental illness and I am terrified. I am worried about how I'll explain my issue, or if they'll take it seriously because I'm not underweight. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared, but I promised I would try and get help after my big test was done. Now it is, and I don't know if I want help.
I mean I want to get better, but I don't want to stop losing weight, I don't want to get fat again. What do I do? What are your experiences talking about your ED with a counselor/therapist, especially if you too aren't underweight? Should I really be this scared?
[Tip] For all us Australians...
/u/vulpixies [5'4" | CW 123 | 24F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 21:54:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eqons/for_all_us_australians/
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Kangaroo is like the Australian version of turkey, its so low calorie! I bought 'Kanga Bangers' and omg they were under 50cal per sausage. I had 2 with a sweet potato hash and even with the oil i used for the hash the whole mean was 400cal.
[Other] what’s the hype about pb2
/u/sugarpiIl [5'5 | 199 | 33.11 | 3 lbs lost | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 21:43:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eqmfq/whats_the_hype_about_pb2/
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i love peanut butter but THE CALS i see a lot of people posting about pb2 so like what is it
[Rant/Rave] AGH DIET PILLS
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5 |88.4 lbs|16.5|-20 |18F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 21:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eqktv/agh_diet_pills/
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Second post of the day because this is my safe place aside from my insanely supportive boyfriend (he somehow simultaneously makes me very aware that what I'm doing isn't good for my wellbeing but also is really attentive and supporting, a lot like you all. Thank you!)
I saw a post elsewhere on Reddit about Starbucks selling instant refreshers and was really excited since they're relatively low cal and tasty but suppress appetite even better than coffee without the associated mood crash. But then I realised they're just as expensive as going to Starbucks anyway.
I want appetite suppressants less for high restriction (that, I can do too well) but for now when I'm trying to maintain but my body assumes it's not going to get food again so I'm in the dreaded binge-restrict cycle.
I eat twice my planned caloric intake after heavily restricting the day before and the day after, restrict again after freaking out about how much I ate. It's almost laughable how I know the pattern so well but choose to go at restricting again because the fear is so overwhelming.
So my frugal ass thought it'd be a great idea to just get plain green coffee extract, thinking it'd come in drops that I could put into flavoured sparkling water.
Turns out I reinvented the wheel. Green coffee extract comes in pills already marketed as diet pills..
I bought it anyway. Fuck labels. I'm 100% honestly using these to break my cycle by eating at maintenance even after restricting to prevent it in the first place and teach my body how to eat properly for the first time in my entire life. They come in tomorrow.
Here's to never being painfully thin or depressed about my weight ever again.
[Rant/Rave] a ramble about my thinspo addiction
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 101.2 | ftm ]
Created: Tue Apr 24 21:33:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eqk8i/a_ramble_about_my_thinspo_addiction/
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I discovered thinspo when I was ten years old, and was addicted to it for YEARS. I would literally spend hours staring at thinspo on tumblr, youtube, and instagram. The more my addiction grew, the more extreme the thinspo had to be to keep me satisfied. It went from skinny girls to underweight girls
to EXTREMELY undersweight people of any gender. But now? I've had my eating disorder for 8 years. Thinspo doesnt even affect me anymore, because my eating disorder isn't even really about my body anymore, I guess. It's about control. Although I guess that's what it always was about..
[Other] Having an SO that restricts with you - what's it like?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 24 21:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eqg5u/having_an_so_that_restricts_with_you_whats_it_like/
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[deleted]
[Help] What was this all for?
/u/Ah_Mediocre
Created: Tue Apr 24 20:51:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eqb4h/what_was_this_all_for/
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I am down twenty pounds since the new year (145-125 at 5’6”, I apologize I am on mobile) and without a doubt my biggest motivation has been the wedding of my boyfriend’s childhood friend in June. The friend in question is best friends with my boyfriends ex wife and I have been nothing short of obsessed with the thought of her and this event. Even though I have never spoken to her, I dream about her regularly. Fantasize about what she will think when she sees me. Spend hours shopping for a dress for this wedding. Religiously check her one Facebook picture I can see. Every laxative I pop, every dinner I turn down, every caffeine pill I take, I do it for her.
My boyfriend just casually informed me that she won’t be at the wedding and I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I feel absolutely drained. The fact that I was finally going to meet this almost prolific figure I have made up in my mind has brought back so many awful compulsions including cutting and picking and abusing laxatives like I haven’t done in years and now it was all for nothing.
But more than anything, it makes me question whether or not there is anything wrong with me. Has this been an actual relapse or did I just find a petty excuse to lose weight? I feel so stupid for being so immature about such a serious illness, but I also desperately miss this obsessive incentive and don’t know what will motivate me tomorrow. I feel like I want to apologize to every one of you for wanting to empathize with your plight because I feel as if one person shouldn’t dictate whether or not I have this disorder. I apologize for rambling. Thank you for listening.
[Rant/Rave] coworker was bored & started calculating how much caffeine could kill a person.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 24 20:43:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eq9lc/coworker_was_bored_started_calculating_how_much/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] Anybody else feel permanently frozen at the age they developed their ED?
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 90 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 20:40:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eq8x6/anybody_else_feel_permanently_frozen_at_the_age/
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I've watched everyone I know hurtle toward adulthood while I painstakingly fake all my milestones. No matter how hard I try to will myself into maturity, I'm the same vulnerable kid who hoped that self\-imposed starvation would finally allow her to mold herself into a person she could stand.
[Help] How to break a binge/overeating cycle?
/u/vitalogy95 [5'5" | CW: 155 | BMI: 25.79 | GW: 115 | HW: 176]
Created: Tue Apr 24 20:32:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eq6xv/how_to_break_a_bingeovereating_cycle/
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I restricted successfully for nearly 3 months. Then it switched to bad 2-3 days followed by good 4-5 days. Now it seems that most of my days are over eating and I’m starting to gain a little. How can I stop this? I feel an overwhelming desire to stuff my face whereas before it felt so so so easy to just not eat.
[Discussion] what guys want
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Tue Apr 24 20:21:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eq4bh/what_guys_want/
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get you a girl that doesn’t eat bc then u don’t need to pay for their meals
said no guy ever.
[Help] I threw out a cheeseburger. How do I not guilt?
/u/ManicPixieBallerina
Created: Tue Apr 24 20:16:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eq3fs/i_threw_out_a_cheeseburger_how_do_i_not_guilt/
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Like the title says, I was at an event with my family Saturday and there was a large snafu with food, and I ended up not being able to eat anything. I think I had four bites before tossing the cheeseburger.
I still feel guilty. I don't know why I still feel guilty, but I do. It happens every damn time I can't finish a meal I can't get boxed and take with me.
[Discussion] How to gain weight overnight and goodbye
/u/villagethief
Created: Tue Apr 24 19:59:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8epzer/how_to_gain_weight_overnight_and_goodbye/
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This will be my last post as I’m going to recover. I passed out earlier this week and my mom is very worried. Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment and I want to gain at least 3 lbs before then. Pls help!!
[Rant/Rave] A severe ED is basically incompatible with any other life goal/responsibility
/u/pumpkinpieface [5'6 |1074lbs| 20F|tf am i doing]
Created: Tue Apr 24 19:56:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8epyre/a_severe_ed_is_basically_incompatible_with_any/
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At this point I am pretty much eating close to my TDEE, so I don't completely fall apart and let my grades and academic dreams go to shit. There is a very strong part of me that wants to give up on everything and just starve myself to whatever weight I think is low enough, probably BMI 11-12.
I know I could do it easily too, but I'm hindered by all these other responsibilities such as looking healthy so my family doesn't cry and finishing my degree and getting a job. I wish I could drop everything and starve, and finally feed my ED's crazy desires. I want to do this more than anything, but I can't because I would ruin my life.
Every day is like, Hmm, should I skip all my classes and fast, or should I eat a damn breakfast and head to Physics? Why can't I just eat and get on with my life? It's not like I'm working as a model, nobody really cares if I am underweight enough or not.
Trying to be healthy
/u/leschauvessouris [5'6 | 118]
Created: Tue Apr 24 19:47:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8epws9/trying_to_be_healthy/
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I’m really scared, wish me luck guys :)
From now on, my goal is to eat 1200 calories a day of nice, filling, healthy food. No more Ben and Jerry’s binges and shit like that. I’m pretty addicted to sugar and it’s scary
On June 27, the day before my 17th birthday, I’ll reach my goal weight at this rate. And after that, I’ll try to maintain
Can you guys help me make a list of healthy snacks and stuff? I’m such a snacked. So far I have
- Apples
- Blackberries
- Peaches
- Yogurt
- Rice cakes
- Peanut Butter
- Hummus
- Wasabi peas
[Rant/Rave] Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
/u/onlysaysNOO [5'3 | CW 9?| BMI 15.?|F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 19:36:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8epuen/fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck/
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[removed]
[Other] Weigh-in is at ten, so in half an hour I'll have made it to 72 hours. After that, next weigh-in is at nine tomorrow morning, and then I break my fast. Wish me luck.
/u/glorydaisy [5'3 | CW 118 | UGW 100]
Created: Tue Apr 24 19:35:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8epu1w/weighin_is_at_ten_so_in_half_an_hour_ill_have/
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[removed]
[Other] I don’t want to, but I have to leave.
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Tue Apr 24 19:05:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8epncy/i_dont_want_to_but_i_have_to_leave/
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I am leaving this subreddit.
It breaks my heart to do it.
Seeing so many of you support me, be there to listen, relate, understand, provide compassion, empathy, concern, all while staying genuine and loving- I never thought something like this was possible.
Seriously, I never see pettiness on this sub. I assume we are mostly women, sadly, and the fact that we can all be so bonded and connected is nothing short of powerful.
But I have to leave.
I’m in therapy for bulimia recovery, and I’m the process of it, I’ve found I’m leaning back on restriction, fighting my brain to stay at minimal calories, not feeling good unless I go to bed starving.
I love it, but I can’t love it anymore.
I can’t love something that makes me feel worthless, awful, and disgusting unless I’m hurting myself. I would never take that in a boyfriend, so I won’t take it from my ED anymore.
I have to accept I’m not like other people. I can’t just casually lose weight. My quest to do so has evolved into something so insidious, so frustrating, so unbearable. I want it to be over.
What’s my end goal, anyway? Be so thin that I can’t function? I’ve been there, and it didn’t prevent me from any of the heartbreak life has thrown my way.
To those of you wrestling with recovery- I wish you the best.
To those who don’t want to recover- I understand. My ED is my first and greatest love. It’s hard to let go. Take care of yourselves as best as you can.
To all of you, thank you. I feel like I’m leaving a bathroom full of kind drunk girls who love you unconditionally and going home to sit in my room alone. It makes me emotional as fuck. I really, really don’t want to go....
but I must. I must recover, and this sub is too triggering despite how wonderful all of you are.
God bless all of you. Stay strong, positive, and true to yourselves.
And most of all, thank you.
You were there when no one else was, and that means more than you know.
[Other] Any experience with Miralax?
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Tue Apr 24 19:03:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8epmsw/any_experience_with_miralax/
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Probably tmi...but I am sure an issue most of us have!
Basically taking lax every weekend is ruining my life but I honestly can't have a BM without it. I seem to spend an entire day sleeping due to the exhaustion is causes me. I literally sleep the whole day away and feel it is such a waste and a disappointment to myself and my boyfriend.
Does anyone have experience taking Miralax daily? Did you find it helpful and were there any....unexpected issues (ie. desperately seeking a restroom). I know everything works different for everyone, just wondering if any of you use it!?
[Help] feeling so discouraged
/u/vulturepants [5'5 | SW: 175 | CW: still too much | GW: 115]
Created: Tue Apr 24 18:54:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8epkw9/feeling_so_discouraged/
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hi all. it's been a while since i've posted here and a lot has been happening lately that's been stressing me out beyond belief. i've had 3 panic attacks just in the past 2 days.
i've been bingeing like crazy because i'm so stressed. i want to just fast but i get shaky and dizzy if i don't eat even for like half a day, which is pathetic.
i just want to be small. i'm so burly and huge and disgusting. i look like a man. i have such broad shoulders and i'm tall and fat and i have huge hands and feet. i take up so much space especially compared to all the tiny adorable girls i see on here and in real life. i wish i could be a dainty fairy like all of you but i'm just a disgusting giant. i would even settle for being tall with broad shoulders if i could be skinny. i have never felt feminine in my life and that's all i want.
and i know everyone reading this is going to be thankful that they don't look like me. as nice as people are to my face i know everyone is secretly judging me and thanking the lord that they aren't a disgusting, horrible, obese pig like i am. literally, i have calves the same size as some of your thighs.
i just want to be a normal girl and feel cute and feminine and small for once in my life.
i need motivation before this gets any worse. i need to be able to fast. i've been taking laxatives like crazy for the past few days but i haven't seen any results yet. i feel like i'm going insane.
[Rant/Rave] oh my god what is wrong with me
/u/To-The-End [5'0 | CW: 124 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 18:42:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ephuv/oh_my_god_what_is_wrong_with_me/
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I'm at a hotel and ordered tomato soup, roasted veggies, and berries for dessert. When dinner came there were two dinner rolls with butter. I obviously tore into them like a wild animal (because I have no self control and the bread was unexpected) and then stopped eating to have a very ugly cry. like, "someone having a breakdown" loud drama queen cry. I wanted to throw my plate against the wall, but, yknow, damage costs.
then i proceeded to finish my soup and bread calmly like nothing had happened
has anyone else ever done something similar to this? please someone say yes :(
[Help] Non-PRO ED, but I love you all and need ur help
/u/uglydelicious
Created: Tue Apr 24 18:33:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8epfyy/nonpro_ed_but_i_love_you_all_and_need_ur_help/
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This may be a bit wordy, but I'll start from the beginning...
Around a year ago I began working relatively closely with a colleague of mine who is based overseas. As time passed we realized we worked well together, and I personally began to develop an intense crush on this guy. After a series of work trips back and forth, things began to get physical and emotionally intense. Seems great, with the exception of the fact that this guy is constantly donning a wedding ring. To make matters more funky, he told me he'd been separated from his wife (and just had a kiddo) for some time, but nevertheless still wears the damn ring. This was something that always lurked my brain and was causing anxiety to the point where I told him it was far too hard to continue to communicate with him, but I was too chicken shit to really ask what the deal was.
Cut to last week. We were assigned to go to Tuscany Italy (of all places) alone together. We had the most amazing time, had amazing sex, and he then told me that he was in love with me multiple times through the course of the trip. Of course this added an extra layer to everything amidst the constant PDA and physical contact after not seeing one another for 1.5 months. I finally cracked and asked him what the deal was. He proceeded to tell me that his current wife essentially lied to him about taking BC and dropped the ball that she was pregnant after he told her he never wanted to have a kid. They decide to keep said kid, and that he's now left with simply caring for himself personally and of course baby. But that he is trying to keep things "cool" with the current wife. He cried and cried and expressed he was not happy living like this, but wanted to save face for the kiddo.
I still just feel left hanging.
Per every damn Cosmo-like post, I don't think that there is a clear cut answer of what I am to do in a situation like this other than give it time. I know ~90% of people would tell me to run for the hills, but the connection and chemistry that we have is unlike anything I've ever experienced in any long or short term relationship I've incurred. And he agrees.
I guess I'm questioning my morality because I don't feel bad about what I'm doing at all. And at the same time, I am concerned for myself. I'm concerned that if I continue to foster this relationship, I will just lose in the long run. But then again, I find it necessary to follow my heart and see where things wind up. I'm not really sure what the right or wrong thing to do here is, but just give it time. I don't want to set myself up for failure. I know that if I love something I have to fight until I can't anymore. And depending on what day you catch me on, I don't know if this thing actually has the potential to work itself out or collapse into oblivion. Sometimes, I feel like a masochist, but should I?
And the biggest question-- should I stay or should I go?
[Help] Fancy event
/u/bipbiphoop1
Created: Tue Apr 24 18:19:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8epclv/fancy_event/
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For my job i got invited to a really fancy event where it's gonna be tons of fancy free food. I normally when i go to those kind of places i don't eat a lot, just small bites of everything to try BUT the thing is that i'm in my second day of a fast which i really don't want to break. The worst thing is that i have to go.
What i do? How i avoid those amazing freebies?
[Discussion] What rate of weight loss do you consider normal?
/u/TreatmentTime [5'9 | 142 | 20.9 | -21 | 24]
Created: Tue Apr 24 17:54:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ep6p9/what_rate_of_weight_loss_do_you_consider_normal/
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I rock climb with my coworkers semi-frequently, and so the topic of weight comes up somewhat often. I realised today during adiscussion that I've no idea what a "normal" rate of weight loss is for a non-disordered person.
She mentioned that I seemed lighter than when we last climbed together, a month and a half or so ago, and I groused I had been lazy and was down five pounds at most. She was shocked that I was complaining and planned to continue to lose. 1/lb a week seems totally attainable to me - that's a 500 cal/day deficit, which is easy to eat normally if you exercise regularly.
What would you consider average?
[Other] coffee is a godsend
/u/sugarpiIl [5'5 | 199 | 33.11 | 3 lbs lost | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 17:51:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ep61b/coffee_is_a_godsend/
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[removed]
[Discussion] I feel really stupid asking this....
/u/CurlyHairPandaBear
Created: Tue Apr 24 17:42:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ep3tm/i_feel_really_stupid_asking_this/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] The serving size for this fking cereal I almost ate (200 calories)
/u/nchlaz [5'11 | 137 | 18.5 | -70 | M]
Created: Tue Apr 24 17:25:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eozl2/the_serving_size_for_this_fking_cereal_i_almost/
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https://i.redd.it/eqi22rboxxt01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] coworker won't stop intentionally asking if I've eaten
/u/kladarling [4'11"| SW 201 |CW186 | GW115 |23F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 17:18:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eoxp8/coworker_wont_stop_intentionally_asking_if_ive/
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My coworker and I are really good friends, but a few weeks ago i got a little too Drunk&High and in that state texted him about how much I hate food and how the only thing I feel like I have control over recently is how much I eat. It was super awkward the days after and I couldn't talk to or even look at him for several days. Finally I just decided to push past it and talk to him again and its been okay but I've noticed that he talks about food way more often now, asking what I ate for dinner or what my favorite foods/sweets are and I always just shut him down saying I don't do sugar, i only eat blah blah blah etc... I haven't talked about my disordered habits recently, but when he brings up food I know hes doing it on purpose. any way rant over thanks for listening
[Help] Brittle nails question
/u/Ta1kativ
Created: Tue Apr 24 16:27:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eok6m/brittle_nails_question/
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For those who have suffered from an ED and had brittle nails\- I have a problem. My nails are starting to get brittle.. and I'm a nail biter. Is my entire nail going to fall off if I start biting at it? Just \*how\* fragile do fingernails get?
[Rant/Rave] Body dysmorphia?
/u/give-me-any-reason
Created: Tue Apr 24 16:05:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eoeld/body_dysmorphia/
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My therapist told me that seeing myself as a giant whale at x lbs versus y lbs is definitely an example of experiencing dysmorphia, and if I weigh myself and see I'm at or over x lbs and immediately notice those flaws on my body, that's something that happens when you experience body dysmorphia?
Sorry for the awful sentence structure and all, I'm going to a new psych this summer and i don't know if i should tell her about how I'm feeling or?
[Rant/Rave] Fasting is usually so easy, but I'm 24 hours in and I feel like shit?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 24 16:03:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eodzl/fasting_is_usually_so_easy_but_im_24_hours_in_and/
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[deleted]
[Help] Do you trust nutrition labels?
/u/Ellie___Phant [5'5 | CW 124 | GW 110]
Created: Tue Apr 24 16:01:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eodo0/do_you_trust_nutrition_labels/
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I bought these low calorie wraps. One of them has 60 calories, and the other one is huge and has 90 calories with relatively low carb and high fiber (flatout wrap). Idk if I trust the calorie count and I am scared to eat them now :( I also wonder if fiber one cereal is accurate, because I eat it all the time....maybe it's just better to stick to whole foods
[Intro] I'm back.
/u/CatchTheWhale [5.5' | 160 | 26.94 | +40 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 15:44:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eo93f/im_back/
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My major depressive episode ended. So my anxiety/depression induced anorexia disappeared. Also quit smoking. So everything tastes better. And i can't quit eating.
I got "better" but i realize i had zero interest I getting "better." But everyone says "oh you can't tell" and "but you look good now" and (my fucking favorite) "you look HEALTHY." I hate that fuckin word now. The last thing i want is to look this healthy.
Nothing fucking fits. I got rid of all my fat clothes when i was mentally sick. Now im squeezing uncomfortably into shit thats like 5 sizes too small becauee I'm "happy" now. But I'm not even fucking happy. my fucking mouth is though. I literally cannot tell when im full you guys i just keep eating.
I've never been this down about being heavy. Ive always been like "eh whatever" but I cant stand this weight.
Soooo I'm here again with you lovely lovelies and I'm not upset about that because the community and support here are awesome af.
Hi
The fact I have to buy a meal plan for college is so infuriating.
/u/fishysandwich [5'3" | CW: 115 | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 15:36:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eo70z/the_fact_i_have_to_buy_a_meal_plan_for_college_is/
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Seven bucks a meal. Three full meals a day. Are they actually serious? Not only do I eat less because am I short and don't weigh too much, I barely even eat meals at all due to my disorder. $2,500 worth of food a semester sounds like a ton, and as expensive as college is, I feel that I'm going to put it all to waste and it gives me anxiety knowing how hard both I and my parents work for our money...
I don't know if I want to try and get an exemption from it, but have you guys ever had experience with this?
[Rant/Rave] I ate today ! So proud kinda :,)
/u/yanaBae
Created: Tue Apr 24 15:23:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eo3qe/i_ate_today_so_proud_kinda/
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I ate shit food, don't get me wrong, but I finally feel like a person.
I'm the terrified girl from the post yesterday... I'm not proud of what I ate at all, but I finally had some energy to work out and not feel like a corpse :/
So yeah win lose kinda situation, but hey at least I finally get to poo...? (Tmi sorry lmao)
[Help] Boyfriend moving in, please help!! !Any advice!?!?
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo [5'0|BMI:104.3|SW:285|CW:230|GW:75|FtM]
Created: Tue Apr 24 15:15:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eo1j9/boyfriend_moving_in_please_help_any_advice/
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TLDR; Boyfriend moving in, knows about some of my issues, how not turn back into landwhale??
Background: Boyfriend is moving in imminently, no set date, but it could be anytime between next week and next month. Because he was really open about his personal issues, I confessed to being bulimic (I think he thinks that means just purging) and promised him that I wouldn't purge anymore.
I've done my best to hold back and, especially since he's over all the time, I hardly purge anymore, or binge. To be honest, his presence has made it so incredibly easy to stick to 1200 calories (I'm 5'0", cw 225) or less (usually at least 500 less) a day. I've also been exercising more often and eating less, my ED is thrilled with my progress... Except...
Well, Mia apparently REALLY misses binging and purging. I think I somehow got into a place where I was subconsciously "rewarding" my restriction or fasting days with a binge/purge day- or week... ?!? It seems obvious now, based on things, but I didn't realize it before.
Because of him, and not wanting to look bad in front of him, I've broken this cycle that was self destructive to my weight loss... Except on days when he's not here, then I overdo it like CRAZY.
BUT... of course it couldn't be that simple could it?... I've started to resent him for not being able to resort to my bad habits. I'm consciously aware of it, and try to stop it when I notice it, but I can't make the feelings stop coming in the first place. I love him, he's so amazing and supportive to me.
What do I do? When he moves in, he'll be here all the time, I won't have those breaks when my ED can lash out and stuff. It'll be all good eating and I'm honestly terrified that too much "neglecting" my ED it's going to make it just explode some day and he's going to come home from work and see me sitting in the middle of the kitchen with the entire contents of the fridge, freezer and pantry around me like a wild animal, or, see that mess, but catch me in the bathroom getting rid of it... Thus not only being a disgusting pig, but realizing I broke my promise to him.
TTnTT I almost don't want him to move in just to avoid the problem, but I love him so much, him moving in would be amazing for every other reason.
HELP PLEASE!!!!
WHO JUST THROWS FOOD ON THE GROUND IN A PARKING LOT
/u/onthesolesofhershoes
Created: Tue Apr 24 15:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eo0g9/who_just_throws_food_on_the_ground_in_a_parking/
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Hi all, I'm on mobile so please tag rant/rave.
First post, but I read almost every post every day and you all make me feel so much less weird and alone, so thank you for just existing.
This is also really silly to post about, but it has seriously fucked up my day and I know I'm dumb and overreacting but here we go.
So every day I drive to this cute little marina-type thing and walk around it. I think it's like 2 miles, but I know it's about 4800 steps for me. It is important to me to be able to walk this little path/trail, and I plan my whole life at the beginning of the week, and if I'm gonna miss it a day no worries because I know in advance and I can account for it.
SO. I GET HERE. I park in the parking lot of a hotel across the street to walk here, and as I come into the parking lot, I see them. Not one, not two, but FOUR, HUGE chicken wings just laying untouched by man or bird on the asphalt.
I am on day two of a fast (about 50 hours in), and chicken wings are MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE THING.
I had to turn the fuck around and jog back to my car, because ya girl almost just ate chicken wings off the ground, and now I'm all teared up in my car bc I really want my walk, but I SERIOUSLY think I will eat those wings. I even, like, leaned down to reach for them. Lord help me.
I am SO sorry if you read this far into my stupid psychobabble, I just hate myself and have never felt so out of control in my life as I did looking at that saucy poultry.
[Other] I’ve got exams coming up and my dad texts me this... AS IF im gonna ruin my perfect safe food streak by eating SWEETS!😂
/u/mina1200
Created: Tue Apr 24 15:05:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8enysx/ive_got_exams_coming_up_and_my_dad_texts_me_this/
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https://i.redd.it/igtnw52t8xt01.jpg
[Help] How do you guys deal with the paranoia
/u/moonspirit2030
Created: Tue Apr 24 14:40:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8enrtz/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_the_paranoia/
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It may sound crazy but anytime friends tries to help me eat when I should or tell me I’m not even overweight, I just start freaking out internally. Like I think it’s some conspiracy that they’re all trying to make me fat and or that I’m already fat and they’re trying to keep me this way, I know it’s not healthy but I can’t shake that feeling.
[Rant/Rave] Literally most inconvenient relapse (rant)
/u/Suchsmolsuchwow
Created: Tue Apr 24 14:26:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8enns2/literally_most_inconvenient_relapse_rant/
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Well today is my birthday. Woohoo. And I'm on vacation, and thankfully like 4 days before I left my ed was like peace out, enjoy your vacay. And I've been on maintenance calories, been super happy, drinking, eating foods I really enjoy, and perfectly maintaining my weight. It's been awesome. So today I went for a late breakfast of my favourite Starbucks coffee and food. Then wanted some pasta a few hours later but wasn't starving. It's the first time in months I've eaten out of just I want to taste it. And now I feel awful. It's fucked up my whole day. Even though I'm still totally within my calorie count it's the fact I wasn't that hungry but I ate and now my ed is like Hey, clearly you can't just function so lemme come help. I was literally just telling my bf how awesome it is that all the urges to restrict just went away and I could be normal. I was actually feeling super normal. Guess that's over 😒. Good news is I have the rest of the week where he works so if I reduce the booze I'll be totally fine. But like.... all I wanted was 2 weeks. 2 weeks to just be normal. I feel extra dumb because he's seen me maintaining all week, eating what I want, eating as much as him..
Like I don't know if he even believes I could have a problem since he hasn't been physically around when it's bad. I just needed to vent. Now I'm going to get drunk and pretend it didn't happen 😂😂😂
[Help] Super low cal dinner ideas that aren’t suspicious??
/u/martpogboi [5'7 | CW 116.4 | BMI 18.17 | HW 140 | LW 99 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 14:24:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8enn1c/super_low_cal_dinner_ideas_that_arent_suspicious/
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So about 3/4 of the week I have to have dinner with my boyfriend. It’s always a fight and he always ends up sad because I don’t eat portions big enough to not worry him. I’m allowed to make dinner whenever I want and he’s completely cool with “healthy” foods, as long as there’s some sort of protein most meals. I can easily fast until dinner but would still prefer to not go over 400 at the most. Any ideas that won’t raise concern? (Obviously can’t just eat salads and soup broth every night lol)
[Discussion] i'm so happy i like vegetables
/u/burrochevola [5’3’’ | 127 lbs | ugw: 👻]
Created: Tue Apr 24 14:21:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8enm7r/im_so_happy_i_like_vegetables/
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like do you even know how much you can eat with 200 calories of vegetables?? imma tell you: a lot. like for lunch i've had a shitton of zucchini, onion, mushrooms, asparagus and then some turkey breast and everything was barely 250 calories. i'm so happy omg, for me that i'm always hungry and craving large amounts of food vegetables are a blessing
on a similar note, is anyone else pretty happy with their eating habits? like i'm actually proud of how many fruits & vegetables & healthy food i eat when i'm restricting, i barely touch junk food/ coffee and always make sure to drink a lot of water since i don't like coke or other fizzy drinks... i just wsh i could stop with my shitty binging habits that ruin all my progress once every two weeks or so ugh
how about y'all?
[Rant/Rave] How do "normal" people do this?!
/u/Awkward_Mermaid
Created: Tue Apr 24 13:56:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8enf7y/how_do_normal_people_do_this/
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I felt really really awful this morning and thought that maybe I should try to eat like a real person for a day just to kind of give my body a boost. Simple enough, right? WRONG! I've eaten 3000 calories today and it's not even 4pm! I feel so fucking disgusting but I just couldn't stop. I do feel somewhat better physically but now I also feel grossly full and like I've ruined all the progress I worked so hard for. I typically aim to be around 400 calories a day so I don't know if my brain just decided that today was a free for all or what. I considered purging, but 1) I'm awful at it 2) I hate throwing up and most importantly 3) I didn't want my 3yo daughter to see me. So now I'm just stuck being overly full and also panicking because I know the number on the scale is going to go up and I can't handle that. Ugh. Sorry, I don't really have a point to this post I just needed to rant/vent.
Tldr; I'm freaking out because I ate like a week's calories in a day.
[Other] Im very careful about what I put in my body starterpack
/u/cottonlung [5'10 | 161 | 22.5 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 13:45:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8enc50/im_very_careful_about_what_i_put_in_my_body/
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https://i.imgur.com/thi06ak.jpg
x-post from r/starterpacks
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 24 13:44:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8enbpp/xpost_from_rstarterpacks/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/starterpacks/comments/8ekhgr/im_very_careful_about_what_i_put_in_my_body/?st=JGE2T2TN&sh=0e23e197
[Discussion] Meal ideas that are 300 calories or less?
/u/jaclynct
Created: Tue Apr 24 13:14:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8en3db/meal_ideas_that_are_300_calories_or_less/
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I want to start cooking more so I can have more variation instead of eating the same thing everyday. Can you guys give me some ideas for your favorite meals that are decently sized (not too big) but are 300 calories or less? Thanks 😊
[Discussion] Goal clothes?
/u/thegirlwhothrewaways
Created: Tue Apr 24 13:12:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8en2h3/goal_clothes/
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DAE have clothes they want to fit into at a certain point? Maybe used as motivation? I use a pair of shorts I wore maybe 5-6 years ago that are a US 3/ UK 8 and i’m now a US 14/ UK 18 and I want to be able to fit into them so bad. I’ve sat and cried just looking at them before haha. just wondering if anybody else has this?
[Rant/Rave] Nothing like a triggering comment from my boss to remind me that I'm fucking FAILING at recovery.
/u/HornsOfTheAltar [5'7 | CW: 115?? | "recovery/maintaining" | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 13:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8emz9f/nothing_like_a_triggering_comment_from_my_boss_to/
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I thought I was doing so good, too. I couldn't remember the last time I weighed myself. I felt like I was putting on weight because I actually *ate when I was fucking hungry* and would bloat a lot from being so full, but I still convinced myself, hey, this is fine, your body went through some trauma from being starved and it's OK to be good and refeed.
And then I interviewed my boss for a class project, and when I stood up at the end to pull my coat on, she said, "Do you run?"
I paused to look down at my sweatpants and tennis shoes, realizing she must've mistaken my laziness for athleticism.
But then she said, "You're very thin."
And my brain completely froze as I struggled to come up with an explanation. *Oh, haha, yeah, I just look this way because I used to starve myself*?? I ended up choking out some excuse about genetics. She proceeded to ask about my eating habits for another minute or so, and it was reeeaaaally fucking awkward.
Walking back to my room, I kept thinking, "I'm not *that* thin, right? I'm really not. I've actually been getting fat again too." And her words kept repeating in my brain to the point where, the second I got into my room, I locked the door, stripped, and weighed myself.
And I haven't gained ANY fucking weight. Fuck.
I still don't have my period back. I'm still losing my hair. I'm still irritable and bitchy randomly. But I could've sworn I was caring less about food, and putting on at least 2\-3 lbs, and becoming better and happier and more carefree.
But no. I'm still fucked up, because I fucking suck at recovery.
On top of that, I'm pretty sure I have Celiac, which my brain is trying to convince me I've made worse from restriction. Like, there are few things left in my body/mind that I haven't screwed over from my ED at this point. And now I can't focus on any of my damn work because all I can think about is how much I've ruined myself and can't even do fucking recovery right.
UGH UGH UGH.
ADD medication & eating?
/u/clearandfull
Created: Tue Apr 24 12:45:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8emuww/add_medication_eating/
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I know some of us here use ADD medication (adderall, Vyvanse) to restrict but also to help with ADD. Timing your breakfast/eating affects how the medication works. For those that do try to eat a little with the medication, when do you do it and how do you time it?
Psychologist
/u/PM_ME_JABBERWOCKYS
Created: Tue Apr 24 12:38:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8emsq1/psychologist/
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Ay.
I see a (highschool) psychologist for reasons not related to disordered eating. In the beginning of the school year, I was completely fine, if not a little unhappy with my body (who isn't?). I downloaded MFP in late January and have so far (5'7") gone from 158 to 138, but I'm still wildly unsatisfied with my progress.
So today, he mentions that it looks like I've lost weight. This caught me a little off-guard since I only wear hoodies and sweatpants to hide my body. I said yes, since beginning my diet I've lost 20 pounds (He already knew I was dieting from a few meetings ago, where I had lost only 10 pounds). He seemed genuinely surprised and remarked how I had accomplished this in such little time (a little under 3 months), but I sort of downplayed this and acted like it wasn't a big deal. At this point all of the sirens started going off in my head lmao.
He kept asking me if I was feeling okay. I lied through my teeth of course, and said "yes" everytime, acting like it was no big deal, etc. He even straight up asked me if I was eating, like *at all,* and I said yes and then quickly changed the subject to how I focus on macros and make sure I hit my protein goal each day (hurray for the fake guise of healthy eating).
I'm a little worried, guys. Do you think he suspects anything? I definitely don't have anorexia or bulimia, but I *do* recognize that I have disordered thoughts around eating and my body. I just feel like I can't fucking admit to this. I've come really far with my talks with him, and I would feel like such an imposter to go "Oh, and by the way, I fucking hate my body and wish I could just slice all the fat off my hips and thighs!" Everything is okay now. Even he said I'm doing much better than I was before. I can't possibly ruin things by all of a sudden manifesting this problem. He would probably tell my parents and then I would be back to square one!
After the diet talk, he made a point of saying that I can come down anytime to see him
(*cue nervous laughter.*)
Fuck, why do I have to be so broken? I've been able to focus on all of my original problems, and now my stupid brain has to replace those problems with a new one! Why can't I just be content?
Do you think I should just suck it up and tell him? I don't believe I would develop ana or mia, but I think I definitely have/have had BDD.
I actually think it's always been present, but now it has intensified due to my new hyperfocusing on calories and food and shit (thanks autism).
TL;DR: Lmao who am I kidding. Of course he suspects something. I'm not going to fool a psychologist with 25+ years of experience, who made conclusions about my Asperger profile before I even could figure it out 🤷♀️ Fml
[Rant/Rave] Another co-worker rant
/u/RollingSlowDown [5'5" | CW140 |WL -90| GW 128|]
Created: Tue Apr 24 12:31:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8emqmy/another_coworker_rant/
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Why is it ok for my co-workers to comment on EVERYTHING that I eat (or don't eat) but if I were to even mention the crap that they shove in their mouths, I'd be body/food shaming them? I feel like telling them, I already know every calorie that goes in here, you don't have to remind me, asshats.
[Discussion] I got to my goal weight and I just feel empty.
/u/oat_queen
Created: Tue Apr 24 12:29:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8emq4f/i_got_to_my_goal_weight_and_i_just_feel_empty/
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I officially lost 14 pounds in 3 months, and I’ve at the weight I’ve wanted to be at for years (BMI 19). I just....thought I would feel different? I thought I would look better. I don’t even feel like I look thin. I guess I will have to just keep losing weight.
[Help] What is Peach?
/u/gothbaseball
Created: Tue Apr 24 12:23:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8emoaj/what_is_peach/
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With everyone talking about it being down, a lot of us are confused 😅
I get that it’s a type of social media app (I actually made an account when it was first made like 2 years ago) but I can’t figure out how to use it.
Any professional peach people wanna shed some light for those of us who can’t figure out how the app works?
(also the username of the account I made 2 years ago is shitpost. the only thing I’ve ever posted is a picture of a dog wearing sunglasses. lmaooo if I can figure out how to use it I’d love to be friends!)
[Discussion] Recent low carb experience
/u/smdamsifjewffwe
Created: Tue Apr 24 12:11:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8emkoh/recent_low_carb_experience/
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I just did ten days of low carb and physically I felt good and found it much easier than when I was doing a high carb diet. The problem is that I mentally felt like absolute shit and I started thinking about suicide during the last few days which hasn't happened for a long time. I ended up binging on carbs two hours ago and although I regret it, it fixed my negative thoughts so I feel so much better than before. I never had this problem on a high carb diet when I restricted for months on end without binging. Has anyone else had experiences like this? I used to eat very little protein and fat which made me feel worse physically but better mentally.
[Discussion] Anyone else with no gag reflex?
/u/Poopoodemons [5’1 | CW 105 | BMI 20 | WL 6 lb | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 11:59:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8emh9m/anyone_else_with_no_gag_reflex/
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I feel like it’s both a blessing and a curse. I’ve tried and tried to purge after a binge and just nothing. Ive managed to make myself gag a little after quite some effort but not enough to make anything come up. On one hand I feel lucky that I won’t have that temptation and I have to really pay attention to my intake because I won’t be able to take it back. On the other hand it’s so hard to stay in control sometimes and for me what’s done is done..
Awesome compliment 😊
/u/DenyMyHunger [5'7"|SW:247|CW:209 | -38 | GW:112| HW:294|27F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 11:48:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eme5m/awesome_compliment/
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I was at work today and a woman comes in and orders and then turns to me and goes "Have you been working here for Xmonths?" and i replied I had and guys, no joke, she said " I thought it was you! I haven't been in here in a while. You've lost a shit ton of weight. I actually didn't think you were the same girl!"
Cue me dying inside while PROFUSELY BLUSHING on outside muttering my thanks.
Made. My. Day.
[Rant/Rave] Halp I feel good and I don't know how to handle it [rant/rave]
/u/throwaway_ED_
Created: Tue Apr 24 11:45:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8emd66/halp_i_feel_good_and_i_dont_know_how_to_handle_it/
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(CW: Suicide talk) Sooo for the past two weeks I've *constantly* felt OK, even happy. I haven't felt like this in years, I've been depressed and low-key suicidal for as long as I can remember. Now I can even fall asleep at night without obsessing over every mistake I've ever made, wallowing in self-hatred, and anxiously thinking in circles for two hours. I still struggle with food, but somehow, I'm kinda hopeful now? Like, I legitimately think I have a chance to recover?
Before anyone gets worried, no, this isn't a manic episode or something, I'm not euphoric or hyper, just kinda calmly content.
HELP GUYS I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS. Always being miserable somehow became a part of my identity, now I actually need to develop a *personality* like WTF?! Apart from that, I never really worried about my future because I always kinda took it for granted that I wouldn't make it past 25, I always matter-of-factly assumed that I would off myself at some point. Now life suddenly seems worth living and I actually have to make plans for my future?!
I never thought I could ever possibly "get better". Pray for me that this will last. Once every hour or so, the thought "holy shit I'm not miserable right now" kinda zaps through my brain and then I'm like "wtf, do normies feel this good all the time, crap I really missed out all those years"...
[Help] 3ballerina tea help??
/u/artisticgarden
Created: Tue Apr 24 11:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8emb23/3ballerina_tea_help/
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Hi everyone - just got a box of 3ballerina tea in the mail, and am wondering how best to go about using it. I’ve been feeling bloated and gross and like I just need a detox so I can start my diet right again. Any tips? There’s tons of conflicting info about brew time etc online so I thought I would turn here!
[Rant/Rave] Weighed myself for the first time in 5 months...
/u/Bookofkelis [5'10| CW: 140| GW1: 128 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 10:32:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8els5r/weighed_myself_for_the_first_time_in_5_months/
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Sorry for the rant, I'm feeling quite shook rn.
The last time I weighed myself, in November, I was 165lbs, wore a UK size 12-14, and binged often and restricted half heatedly to make up for it. In December some kind of switch flipped in my mind and I stopped binging to restrict and started restricting so I could binge. Then came the purging, for the first time in 4 years. I didn't have access to a scale at all, but knew I was getting smaller. I measured myself often and dropped 7cm in my waist between January and now, and started fitting UK size 8-10. I used mybodygallery, body visualizer etc to estimate my weight and decided I was somewhere around 140lbs, which at my height (177cm, just under 5'10) is a BMI of 20ish. I wouldn't let myself buy a scale because I knew I'd get obsessive.
Today I snapped, and bought a scale. I weighed in at 128lb, BMI 18.6. As my flare shows, that's my first goal weight, which I based on my lowest weight, reached through frequent b/p a few years back. I just don't understand how I got here so soon. I don't look or feel like I'm on the cusp of underweight, so I guess I have small bones and a high body fat percentage. It's just become suddenly and uncomfortably clear that there's nowhere to go but underweight, and I'll probably never never be satisfied with it...
I think what changed in my disordered behaviours at the start of this year could be the sudden arrival of body dysmorphia? I can't believe I've misjudged my body so much, and that my first thought was that my (brand new) scale was broken. My clothing size, measurements and weight have all changed but I still feel the same as I did 20lbs ago. Do these sound like symptoms of dysmorphia?
I wish I hadn't weighed myself.
[Rant/Rave] Thank god for numbers
/u/1-5-4-5-3-5-2-5 [5'1.5" | CW: 101.8 | 18.9 | GW: 98 UGW: 90 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 10:30:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8elri9/thank_god_for_numbers/
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The past few weeks have been ABSOLUTELY wild for me in terms of ups/downs (and downs, and downs, and downs...), from getting an amazing research opportunity to relapsing in self harm after five years clean to my first 40+ hour fast, but one thing that's actually been going pretty well is restricting. Like, I've binged twice in the past four weeks and both times it was under my BMR. (I've c/s'd a LOT but I am very careful about getting rid of all saliva so those cals are negligible.)
But anyway, this morning I woke up and just KNEW it was gonna be a bad body image day. Or at least, worse than usual. Like, I finally hit a weight in the 101's and yet I've never felt fatter- you all know how this goes. I tried to take some pick-me-up selfies, tried on some jeans I hadn't worn in a while, but nothing seemed to be working- I just felt like, even though I've lost almost four pounds in a week, I can't see any difference. I'm still the same dumpy bitch.
But then I went through my (totally health and well-adjusted) daily ritual of calculating my BMI and percentile range. guys. GUYS. I'm finally in the 18's for BMI!!! I'm so close to being underweight I can taste it. And on top of that, my BMI percentile relative to my age/height is the 15th. That may not seem like a big deal, but for SO long I've idolized my LW of 93 from when I was thirteen, and yet when I entered that into the scale that put me at the 25th percentile, so technically I'm skinnier than a larger number of my peers now than I was then?? If that makes sense???
Sorry this is rambling and weird and crazy- I just downed a large black coffee in like fifteen minutes and everything is fuzzy and fast. I just want to say thank you, numbers, for validating to me that yes, there has been a change, and for showing to me in UNEQUIVOCAL terms that I am on the skinny side of average.
[Rant/Rave] Oh god, I eat baby food
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5 |88.4 lbs|16.5|-20 |18F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 10:29:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8elr40/oh_god_i_eat_baby_food/
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While the idea of buying not only cheap, but low calorie, baby food sounds fantastic, I've always figure I'll work adult treats into my caloric budget.
However, as I was finishing the last spoonfuls of my lunch just now I realised... I don't need to buy it because I make homemade baby food.
I consistently puree fruits and vegetables and have that for a meal. I can't even say I'm making a smoothie because I never add liquid and they're always super thick so I eat them with a spoon.
Well, what goes around comes around. I will never look down on star shaped banana puffs again.
[Help] Getting off ECA stacks?
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 10:24:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8elprh/getting_off_eca_stacks/
---
Hey, so I'm on my ECA stack for day 4 today. Obviously I'm not planning on doing it forever, but since I worry a lot about drugs, I figured it would be good to begin with the end in mind and have a plan for how I'm going to quit before I even need to.
I'm finding that while I wouldn't necessarily say I'm "withdrawing" I would say that my brain and my body have just been like gogogogo for the last 48 hours, and I haven't been eating or sleeping that much due to ya know...like taking stims. So I woke up this morning and realized how weak and shaky I felt.
Anyways, just wondering if anyone has dealt with actual withdrawals, and if anyone has strategies for quitting.
Thanks!!
[Rant/Rave] just seriously feeling disgusted with myself, my body, when i see people eating, guilt, anxieties, my disgusted restrictive eating and not having the courage to tell the doctor. it bothers me and i wish this shit to end asap.
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Tue Apr 24 10:02:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eljjc/just_seriously_feeling_disgusted_with_myself_my/
---
[Rant/Rave] Moving some boxes and stuff today -
/u/MissMagus
Created: Tue Apr 24 10:00:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8elis2/moving_some_boxes_and_stuff_today/
---
- and I feel like I'm going to die. I'm so weak man, going up and down these stairs lifting like 50 pounds makes me feel like I'm just gonna collapse.
I wanted to eat a protein heavy breakfast this morning, but so far ive just had 2 sugar free energy drinks and like 5 cigarettes. Couldn't even bring myself to cook some eggs :')
WISH ME LUCK YA'LL. I MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE A HEART ATTACK.
[Help] forced into ip?
/u/dietcokeangel [5'3 | 104lbs | 18.5 | -22lbs | GNC F 21]
Created: Tue Apr 24 09:30:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ela6f/forced_into_ip/
---
[removed]
Keto and c/s
/u/thunderclouds-
Created: Tue Apr 24 09:29:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8el9w0/keto_and_cs/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] April 24th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [27F | 5'5" | CW 122 | GW 105 ]
Created: Tue Apr 24 09:24:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8el8ns/april_24th_2018_question_of_the_day/
---
Is life fair? Yes? No? Sometimes? Not today?
[Discussion] has anyone tried RC stimulants to suppress appetite?
/u/C19H21N3Os
Created: Tue Apr 24 09:24:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8el8kw/has_anyone_tried_rc_stimulants_to_suppress/
---
[Help] Eating totally out of control
/u/heather80
Created: Tue Apr 24 09:21:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8el7mn/eating_totally_out_of_control/
---
I’ve gained 115 pounds in the past 2.5 years due to out of control eating. 55 pounds of that has been in the past year when I didn’t think I could get any heavier. The eating has just gotten ridiculous. I’m 331 pounds now. Like, one whopper sandwich isn’t enough anymore, I buy two. That’s sick. I eat them both and think, “I could go for a third, actually.” While I actually like vegetables and salads, I’m not eating them ever. Just fast foods and buffets or junk food 80% of the time. Naturally, that results in me feeling terrible and having no energy. On Sunday I slept from 1:00 am to 4:00 pm. I just feel disgusting and I feel powerless to change the cycle.
I’ve been to hundreds of OA meetings in numerous states and on two different continents. It hasn’t helped. I’ve spent countless hours in therapy to no avail. I see psychiatrists, I take meds, all to no improvement.
I’ve never taken any illegal drug but I cannot imagine being any more addicted to food than someone is to one of those illegal substances.
[Help] Cayenne pepper, Wellbutrin, and Prozac
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Tue Apr 24 09:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8el7js/cayenne_pepper_wellbutrin_and_prozac/
---
One of the three made me throw up water this morning. Currently on 450 Wellbutrin (recently upped the dose beyond the “safe” dosage, 300in the am and 150 in the afternoon to see if i have a seizure [not epileptic just have a very blunt and morbid doctor]) and upped Prozac from 10mg to 20mg. Usually when I take the cayenne pepper capsule I do get some heartburn but that’s to be expected. Boy that shit burned my nose coming back up.
I called my doctor and explained to her what happened but couldn’t of course say I didn’t eat before taking it.
Anyone else taking any of the three or a combination of the sorts?
[Discussion] What do you consider to be high / low restriction?
/u/little-paws
Created: Tue Apr 24 09:13:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8el5oz/what_do_you_consider_to_be_high_low_restriction/
---
Just curious really :)
[Rant/Rave] coworker food rant
/u/pm_me_ur_eyeholez [5'5" | -40 | GW: 107 | 26F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 08:55:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8el0j5/coworker_food_rant/
---
Why does my coworker eat a microwaved chicken pot pie every. single. morning? And drink a protein shake? Why does it make me so angry? Is it the fucking smell? Is it bc it's objectively disgusting? Is it bc they get to eat in the morning and I don't bc I mysteriously gained two pounds over night after shitting my brains out from lax yesterday? Who knows???
What does your shitty coworker do with food that enrages you?
[Other] How do you guys get dressed?
/u/vhshood98 [5'2 | 114 | BMI: Too high. |15 | M]
Created: Tue Apr 24 08:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8el02d/how_do_you_guys_get_dressed/
---
I legitimately wear the exact same thing every day. The same jacket with the same shorts.
[Rant/Rave] I'm traveling this week and can't keep track of things like I usually do, and it's driving me nuts.
/u/chicklet2011 [5'6" | 177# | 34% | GW 120# | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 08:44:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ekxoi/im_traveling_this_week_and_cant_keep_track_of/
---
I'm in Chicago for the week. My husband is at a seminar all day every day for work, but we meet for lunch, then go out for dinner. We keep ending up at restaurants that aren't chains/don't publish their nutrition information. So far the food has been great, but I can't track the nutrition, and it is KILLING ME. I keep having to estimate and guess and approximate, and I know this is useless. Like... we went to a Ramen restaurant last night and the food was fantastic, best pork I've ever had, but there is no nutrition information available. I end up \(in the fitbit app\) trying to add ingredients one by one, but I have NO idea what type of noodles, cut of pork, broth components, oils etc. are used. We shared some sake but there is zero nutrition information of alcohol, let alone imported\-can\-of\-cheap\-sake\-is\-in\-100%\-Japanese alcohol.
I brought a basket of "safe" food with me so that I would be able to track what I'm eating, but our hotel doesn't have a microwave/coffee maker, so I can't make half the food I brought \(Single serve macaroni and cheese, oatmeal packets...\) I don't have a food scale with me either, and I SUCK at estimating weight, so I'm worried about the apples and cashews I packed.
I KNOW that this a first world problem. But I'm still going bonkers. I make sure to spend my days on the move; I walked 8 miles yesterday,and took 27 flight of stairs. I know that I'm burning more calories than normal, and that hopefully if I try to eat the portions I usually do, the extra exercise will offset the calorie uncertainty. I do my best to get my husband to eat things of my plate as well. I wore bad shoes yesterday, though, and now my feet hurt so bad that I don't want to leave the hotel.
In other news, sort of an update, I posted here a few weeks ago about how I started taking Adderall for ADD, and so far the side effect of decreased appetite has influenced my caloric intake so much that I've lost \~11 lbs/\~5kg. I just exited the BMI/BFP category for "obese", so now I'm just plain old "overweight". My old goal was to get into the "underweight" category as quickly as possible and stay there, but... now I just want to be whatever weight will stop me from hating myself.
[Discussion] DAE feel that being part of an ProED group or chat would personally drain them?
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 115 | 19.7 | meh | 26F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 08:12:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ekp1f/dae_feel_that_being_part_of_an_proed_group_or/
---
Not even judging just nosy.
It’s just, knowing the competitive nature of EDs and the ugly form it takes in judging ourselves and others bodies, I never felt safe in a place where ED people would...idk gather on the daily
I never understood it
It would drain me tbh
But for some reason I like this sub because it’s not like an accountability thing, it’s just nice to check in with some fellow souls who kinda get the daily struggle—not encouraging the behavior but kinda acknowledging it you know? And I don’t even check in every day either so it gives me like little breaks of normalcy or some life outside of this thing you know?
I used to have ED buddies and tumblr groups I followed and stalked and it truly put me in a deeper hole I think. How do others cope with that?
ETA: if daily chats and connecting with others bolsters you, go you but if it puts you at a deeper risk be careful you know? This shit be precarious.
Anyone with thyroid problems here?
/u/leahnyc38
Created: Tue Apr 24 08:09:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ekocm/anyone_with_thyroid_problems_here/
---
I've gained about 7lbs in 1 months (despite eating usually one small meal a day and restricting like crazy). I've always been thin-ish and my metabolism is usually on point plus I've been struggling hard with constant fatigue for about a year now (could be from restricting but I don't think so). My mom had hypothyroidism so that led me to research thyroid issues. I have a doctors appointment today to request a referral for blood work. For people with thyroid probs - what led you to get it checked? Symptoms?
Disordered or not, fasting is helping my anxiety levels so much right now.
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 107 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Tue Apr 24 08:03:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ekmk7/disordered_or_not_fasting_is_helping_my_anxiety/
---
IF is hardly considered disordered anymore but this past two weeks I've 'fasted' pretty much every day from 17 hours to a full day yesterday and between these windows I've eaten around 500 to 1000 something cals and just felt *calm*. I have a fasting timer, and the moment I'm -done- with food for the day (I usually eat a brunch type meal), I just click it on and *boom* food thoughts are **gone** - fast until the next day with surprisingly minimal hunger.
My digestion is better and that alone is helping me hate my body less. It feels controlled and safe, I've lost weight without feeling unwell and I've even been able to work and be productive.
So far so good!
[Rant/Rave] I’ve been letting my BED win
/u/valentineviolette [5'1 | 149lbs | -19lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 07:54:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ekkhx/ive_been_letting_my_bed_win/
---
Sooo I only binge, I rarely restrict and have never purged, and I only ever really believe that I have an ED when I’m forcing myself to look at thinspo, read this sub, etc. If I leave myself to my own devices, I’ll just binge and binge and gain and binge and gain, and feel like everything is fine and normal.
This winter was really busy for me and I stopped reading this sub, stopped thinking about my BED, and gained back half of the weight that I worked really hard to lose last year. Last year I promised myself I’d never go above 150 again (something I’m pretty sure I’ve promised myself every time I’ve ever dropped below 150). Ha ha great joke, me.
So here I am, back again trying to make myself remember that just because I haven’t been thinking about it non stop and fully entrenched in the internet culture aspect of it, doesn’t mean that I have been magically off of my bullshit at any point. Hiiiii friends!
I made a 🍑!
/u/martpogboi [5'7 | CW 116.4 | BMI 18.17 | HW 140 | LW 99 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 07:32:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ekf28/i_made_a/
---
So I’m not really certain what peach really is but I made one! Do any of you want to be friends?? :D My username is ittybittyshittyone if you want to add me :)
[Help] Documentary Recommendations
/u/Firerose157 [5'4" | CW: ~118 | HW: 146 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 07:31:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ekep1/documentary_recommendations/
---
Checked out the search and found a few things, like THIN. Loved the documentary, looking for others like it. Not looking for anything scripted, just real experiences involving EDs. Any recommendations?
Peach is back!!!
/u/smallmadscientist [5'2" | SW: 160 | CW: 132 | UGW: 100 | F 23 | 🍑smallmadscientist ]
Created: Tue Apr 24 07:09:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ek9i7/peach_is_back/
---
Just a PSA that peach is apparently back up and running
[Rant/Rave] PEACH IS BACK UP!!!!!
/u/unpollutedfantasy [🥒]
Created: Tue Apr 24 07:08:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ek995/peach_is_back_up/
---
[Discussion] Peach is down - panic! (/s)
/u/lostinagrocerystore [5'2" | 105 | 19.9 | -50 | GW: 95]
Created: Tue Apr 24 07:02:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ek7ri/peach_is_down_panic_s/
---
since peach is becoming more and more unreliable, im afraid the app will be abandoned soon 😰
if peach DOES go down permanently, would people want to start up a twitter community? it’s the only social media platform i can think of with the same privacy, posting, and commenting features. (i hate ed tumblr with a passion lol so maybe let’s not go there)
for now im going to go back to fruitlessly opening the peach app over and over 😭
[Rant/Rave] Peach group on Vent
/u/GroundMist [5'4" | CW: 180lbs | GW: 120 | 24F| 🍑: autocarrot]
Created: Tue Apr 24 07:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ek7g9/peach_group_on_vent/
---
A couple of us are trying out Vent in case Peach isn't fixed. I've made a dedicated peach group (search 🍑 Peach 🍑) we can all post to as well as our individual private feeds. I'm autocarrot on there. Vent is both iOS and Android so we should all be able to make it work.
[Help] Scary day
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 98 | 18.5 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 07:00:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ek78z/scary_day/
---
Hi guys,
I just needed to get this out. I’ve been restricting pretty moderately for a few months - probably averaging about 700 calories a day, all in low cal fruits and veggies and yogurt. Taking regular multivitamins but that’s it.
I went from 160 lbs in August to 98 now. Was shooting for around 90.
On Sunday because of the playoffs I probably had a good 1500 calories in nothing but alcohol but I tried to just move on and start new yesterday.
Yesterday I didn’t eat all day in anticipation for dinner, knowing the bf would want to get dinner (again, playoff season!)
By the time 4:00 came around my heart was racing out of my chest. My left eye was twitching and I was sweaty and couldn’t breathe. I really thought I was going to die. I went and drank a bunch of orange juice and ate an entire pound of chicken wings, a few clementines, 2 apples and some yogurt. I didn’t even care about calories I just wanted to feel better.
It worked, slightly, but even today I’m not feeling right. My chest is still tight and my heart feels like it’s beating....wrong? And I’m still getting the weird twitch in my eye. Anyone have any advice? Or even just comfort? I’m not even really underweight - was 98 lbs as of yesterday - and I don’t restrict TOO heavily. There’s no way I could be putting enough strain on my body to be potentially fatal right? I just want this to go away. I love restricting so much and now lying here with my heart beating wrong I just don’t know what to do
[Rant/Rave] I'm such a hypocrite
/u/firefly-chase
Created: Tue Apr 24 06:28:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ek067/im_such_a_hypocrite/
---
One of my friends recently came out to me that they had anorexia and they were going to try really hard to recover. I told him how happy I was for him and he asked me to check up on him/be an accountability buddy for him to keep him on track.
So today we were out and he managed to eat and I praised him for it.
Then I went 40 calories over MY restriction budget today while at work and cried for almost an hour (thank god I work nights and am alone during my shift). Trying to help him doesn't bother me somehow but I can't even help myself
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday April 24, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 24 06:10:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ejwks/thinspo_tuesday_april_24_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 24, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 24 06:10:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ejwjw/daily_food_diary_april_24_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 24, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Trying to walk the line between half hearted recovery and being self destructive because I don't know how to cope.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Tue Apr 24 05:34:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ejpp4/trying_to_walk_the_line_between_half_hearted/
---
on mobile please flair as rant or rave please
So I guess the best way to do this is go just list out how I feel then maybe why. I might just put out all my main thoughts. My mind is going a mile a minute now and I want these thoughts out.
I lost weight but I am not at my goal weight even though I am tracking more by how my clothes fit them looking at numbers so sort of recovery oriented even though a part of me really wants to see the low numbers. I am 5'9" and been consistently below 160 when I really want to be below 120 soaking wet ( ie 120 after a binge day or two).
I was a size 12 to 14 and now I can fit a size 8 to 10 in a lot of things and some medium tops but I still hate how my body looks. Still too round for crop tops and some things do make me feel huge. I always feel huge cause I carry my weight awfully It all goes to my midsection and my legs.
I work in a kitchen as a Cook. I have been grazing a lot since I started but it is mostly managed. I was vegan for the longest time but my last two jobs and stress have forced me go give up and I want to get back on the vegan wagon even though with my job I would still have to taste nonvegan things like things with dairy.
I actively count my calories and estimate though binging has been really hard lately because when I drink, which I do a bit I will suddenly eat all the things sober me won't eat. I don't really count my alcohol consumption calories much at least when it's all I have cause I usually only drink hard liquor, seldom beer or super sweet cocktails.
I just really want to hit my goal by summer or mid summer or fall or ever but I keep pushing myself back. It's already almost may and I'm barely lighter than I was in December cause I binge and try go be normal until I am reminded how fat and unattractive I am and how no one will ever be attracted to me.
I want to be desired and I want to feel in control of my self and I feel neither of these.
w.
[Discussion] Alternatives to Peach?
/u/gayishfish [5'7" | CW: embarrassing | BMI: high | -9 lbs | 23F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 05:22:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ejn8v/alternatives_to_peach/
---
Maybe it is time to start looking for a Peach alternative... Peach is down (again). This might be it. If it isn't it, the end is near. I can feel it! :( I'd like to find a platform a little more stable to express my... instability. *groan* Idk, I really don't wanna lose you guys. I know I always have this subreddit, but like...it isn't quite the same as Peach has been. Not quite as personal and intimate.
Ahem! Anyways, who's with me!?
*crickets chirp*
[Rant/Rave] First warm day over here... still not confident with my upper body. (Sorry for the messy room...)
/u/Derpy_Purple
Created: Tue Apr 24 04:45:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ejgt4/first_warm_day_over_here_still_not_confident_with/
---
https://i.redd.it/ge4l9nr46ut01.jpg
[Other] I emailed peach
/u/unpollutedfantasy [🥒]
Created: Tue Apr 24 04:40:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ejg1l/i_emailed_peach/
---
https://i.imgur.com/Re2zdmN.jpg
[Help] Vitamin recommendations?
/u/daintydaisydoll [5'1.5 / CW:95 / BMI: 18.37 / GW: 84]
Created: Tue Apr 24 03:49:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ej83i/vitamin_recommendations/
---
I'm looking for a multivitamin that doesn't have any iron in it because I'm about to start iron supplements for anaemia. Does anyone have recommendations?
[Rant/Rave] I can feel myself getting worse and part of me is scared
/u/lizzleplx
Created: Tue Apr 24 03:19:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ej3fv/i_can_feel_myself_getting_worse_and_part_of_me_is/
---
Last month, I tried to kill myself. While I was in the hospital I didn’t really eat too much because I was just out of it and very anxious. I even got my room moved to the eating disorder unit due to space reasons (how ironic...). I’ve always tried to avoid thinking about my weight or calories because I felt like I’d have the sort of personality to fall into disordered habits, I guess? My friend tried to get me to throw up what I tried to kill myself with and I just avoided trying because I felt like I was better off not knowing how. When I got out, I saw my weight they listed on my discharge papers (256lbs! x___x)
Since then, I’ve purposely avoided eating as much as I can. Then soon after I started counting calories so I could make sure I was restricting to a low amount. Then I bought a more accurate scale to weigh myself with every day. And recently I started purging daily. I kind of want to keep getting worse. I want to go from obese to overweight to normal to underweight.
I still live with my parents and my mom got worried about me not eating soon after I got back and yelled at me. Six days ago my dad commented on me losing weight by saying that I used to look like I was pregnant and asked when I was going to buy maternity clothes. I’ve purged every day since. I’m deathly afraid of admitting anything to my parents.
I don’t really know what to do. I want to get worse but I’m also scared and worrying people. I feel so alone but also in control. I want to be a skeleton.
I kinda just wanted to vent somewhere. Sorry for all the words >_<
[Rant/Rave] Moved my scale
/u/spyrothedaddy [5'4"|CW:102.8|BMI:17.6|F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 03:08:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ej1pi/moved_my_scale/
---
So I finally got out the carpenters level to find out where the flattest part of my floor is. Turns out I’m 2lbs heavier than I thought :( part of me is happy that I now have an accurate weight but the other part of me feels like ignorance is bliss. I should have moved it ages ago because every time I weighed myself the number would fluctuate but I was in denial tbh. It feels like such a first world problem to be upset over 2lbs but it feels like all my past measurements have been messed up and now I’m further away from my safe weight which was inaccurate to begin with!
[Discussion] DAE ever have ‘ED revelations’ while stoned?
/u/deadlylikesugar
Created: Tue Apr 24 02:28:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eivw1/dae_ever_have_ed_revelations_while_stoned/
---
Lol. I feel like whenever I’m high I’m able to view my ED from a spectator’s standpoint and make connections I never would’ve realized sober.
Here are a few I’m having right now:
• Anxiety inducing situations are directly related to my urge to binge. (I mean, duh, no groundbreaking news there....but) I was able to subjectively view my thought process, and sat there like a passenger while I witnessed my brain do a full 3 cycles of “insert anxiety inducing situation, feeling intense anxiety, insert food I wanted to binge on, slight relief and calm.” The thought process happened in a matter of seconds - so fast that it would usually be subliminal.
• Watched a video I took of myself just doing different poses, half naked (yes I do this kind of often hi I do weird things cause of ED yes yes nice to meet you) and realized how gaunt my face has gotten, how much my ribs protrude and how I’ve lost nearly all my ass. Thought to myself ‘hm. I’m actually kind of starting to *look* anorexic. I should probably stop trying to lose now. This is prob a good place to maintain.’
• ....Less than 10 seconds later, viewing my body in a different position, was able to see every little bit of fatty area on my body. My hips, my inner thighs, my upper back/armpit fat, my lower abdomen. So vivid it was as if someone had drawn circles around them. I felt instantly disgusted, embarrassed and disappointed in myself that I thought for a second this would be a good place to maintain. Fuck that.
• Now, as I write this, I’m noticing how I didn’t just simply go from thinking I looked skinny to thinking I looked fat, but it was more than that. When I saw my ‘skinny’ me, I didn’t see any of the bad parts. And when I saw ‘fat’ me, I didn’t see any of the good parts. My view of myself isn’t a collective, overall view - it’s incredibly situational and subjective. I can’t see the good and the bad all in one, at the same time. It’s one or the other.... I feel like I’m sounding crazy, but can anyone with BDD relate to this?
Okay anyway, rambling on way too much here haha. DAE ever have these EDRevelations™️ (maybe even while sober)? If you have, I’d love to hear them!
[Help] Any tips on how to combat body dysmorphia/see your body accurately!?
/u/catstille [5'8 | CW: 48.5kg | BMI: 16.02 | F 21]
Created: Tue Apr 24 02:27:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eivqr/any_tips_on_how_to_combat_body_dysmorphiasee_your/
---
I hope this question makes sense but it's extremely hard for me to see what I 'truly' look like/how others perceive my looks.
I see the number on the scale but looking in the mirror I see myself as quite wide, with fat on my upper thighs and upper arms.
I know I could ask other people and people have told me what they think, but I'd like to know if there's any ways that I can help adjust my mind a bit to see myself more accurately?
Is Peach down?
/u/levastor [5'10"|CW: 133|GW: 110|HW: 228.4|F19|Peach: leva42]
Created: Tue Apr 24 01:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eiit5/is_peach_down/
---
Getting an error that says back-end server is at capacity 😕 Any one else getting the same thing?
(On mobile so I can't/don't know how to flair the post atm sorry!)
[Rant/Rave] Scared to die
/u/finnkat [5'3" | 94 lb | 19F]
Created: Tue Apr 24 00:25:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eid64/scared_to_die/
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Recently I feel like I've taken a turn for the worse. I've started taking more vitamins because my bones hurt. I thought it was my muscles at first but the more I walked and used the stairs the more I realized that although my muscles do hurt, it was my bones hurting too. My heart burns and hurts whenever I lay down. I feel like I'm going to pass out every day at work. I'm scared. I'm, as of this morning, 89.6 lbs. That's the lowest I've ever been and I was sooo proud this morning but now laying in bed I'm truly scared that I might be dying. I don't think anybody cares either. Nobody has commented on it, not even my mother who sees me not eating and walking around in shorts and tanks,not hiding how much weight I've lost. I almost want to go to the doctor but I don't think I can. I'm too scared of what she'll say. Either I won't be taken seriously because I still feel like maybe I don't have an eating disorder and am just freaking myself out, or I will be taken seriously and who knows what will happen then. I can't gain all the weight I lost back. I also just learned about refeeding syndrome and thats freaking me out too. Usually when I'm thinking I'm going to die I eat a bowl of cereal and it makes me feel better physically and mentally (lol) but now that could kill me too? Idk, I can't tell if something is really wrong or if I'm just freaking out cause I drank caffine before bed and my anxiety spikes at night anyway.
Natural peanut butter stressing me out
/u/pajally
Created: Tue Apr 24 00:23:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eicv0/natural_peanut_butter_stressing_me_out/
---
Hi so I’ve never posted here before but I’ve lurked for so long it feels super weird to post hahaha hello everyone :)
I started buying natural peanut butter lately and I know you’re supposed to mix it up so that the oil doesn’t sit on top. I guess I didn’t mix it all the way to the bottom every time so now that I’m getting down to the bottom of the jar, there’s pretty much no oil and all just like mashed peanut paste left over which is impossible to spread.
Is there less calories in what is left over now that there is no oil? I’m hoping someone might have a guess because I’m freaking out since all my calorie counts were probably wrong for the past like 2 weeks and i pretty much live off of just peanut butter and bananas.
Peanut butter doesn’t feel safe anymore :(
[Rant/Rave] Food Poisoning and Loving It
/u/aeroplanessky [5"3 | 110]
Created: Tue Apr 24 00:21:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eicfl/food_poisoning_and_loving_it/
---
I weighed myself Friday after work. Clocked in at 107.8 oh well, whatever, could be worse.
I had a case of horrible, horrible food poisoning Saturday night. Threw up every hour from midnight to 6 pm. I ran out of bile around go 4, and food after 2. I tried drinking a tiny bit of water, but that immeditately came up too.
Sunday I tried breakfast, but threw that up too. So I just slept and ate nothing else for the day.
Stepped on the scale this morning at 103.8.
Yeah, I'm sure most of the loss is water weight from literally being empty, but the endorphins were real so.
Anyways it was the worst stomach pain I'd ever been in. But I lost weight so whatever right? God I'm fucked.
[Rant/Rave] I have everything I need to be thin but I’m not
/u/coconutbusiness
Created: Tue Apr 24 00:08:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eiaa6/i_have_everything_i_need_to_be_thin_but_im_not/
---
I’m so sick of myself and my disgusting lack of self control.
I lose the exact same 10 pounds and gain them back even quicker, again and again. This has been going on since I was 9. My highest weight has been borderline overweight and my normal weight I have been coming back to FOREVER is close to overweight. So basically in this constant state of chubbiness.
I have no excuses. I have the perfect set up to get to my goal weight that I’ve been wanting to reach for 11 years and haven’t even come close.
I’m a university student that lives with my parents rent free. My parents are extremely health conscious, vegan and skinny, so there is an abundance of healthy food in the house. There is an elliptical, treadmill, bike, kettle balls, dumb bells, yoga mats, yoga equipment and even a bench in the workout room in my house. I also have a gym membership to an essentially empty gym most of the time. I have a smart scale, an Apple Watch, a tape measurer and wireless workout ear buds. My mom is obsessed with lululemon and gives me a ridiculous amount of workout clothes.
I have the perfect set up and yet here I am. Every time I come to this point where I’ve gained the weight back, I hate myself more each time. I’m so blessed to have access to all of these things and I’m too weak to deny myself all these extra calories. I should be looking like a model by now with all these resources available, what the fuck is wrong with me. I’ve been planning to lose this weight for years and I have nothing to show for it.
I want to say this is it, I’m going to be the thin girl I’ve craved to be forever and stop being a disgusting binging glutton. But I said that last week.. and the week before. Why is it any different this time? Fuck me.
[Rant/Rave] Not seeing a future where I’m recovered, despite my habits steadily getting more extreme
/u/iceleo [5'3| 109.2 | F | (^o^)|]
Created: Mon Apr 23 23:33:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ei4al/not_seeing_a_future_where_im_recovered_despite_my/
---
I’m about to be a junior in university next year, and my disordered eating habits have steadily gotten worse since the end of high school. But when I was around 15-17 I actually thought or imagined myself in my early twenties/as a young professional as somewhat normal and ED free.
now, I feel like I only see a point where I stay the same as I am now or get worse...Like four years ago I would never spend days purging multiple times or doing multi day fasts. The same is with is self harming, I never thought I would do it as an adult. The worst part is that all the side effects have been starting to show since two years ago, the hair loss, the acid reflux the reduced menstrual cycle, etc. sometimes I see it as a game, in the most fucked up way, pushing myself to see how extreme I can go.
Sometimes, I feel like there isn’t really any point in going on longer. Days and months as a whole feel like some long boring path that I just drag myself through for the heck of it.
I feel like at the point when my career is starting and I’m at the exciting stages of my education(that I’ve waited so long for) I’m focusing on all the wrong things yet they feel so right.
[Rant/Rave] Things other people see as normal
/u/Careabella
Created: Mon Apr 23 23:11:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ei0il/things_other_people_see_as_normal/
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Eating 3 meals a day, never weighing themselves, no counting calories, not having to worry about balancing out exactly what they ate with how much they are moving. I never realize that other people don’t do it until I hang out with my friends and they expect me to eat like a “normal person” sorry not happening. No matter how hard I try. No matter what, 3 meals are not in the picture these days. If I eat lunch and breakfast, there is no dinner. Ect ect. Yet people always act so surprised when I tell them I already ate. I wish they would just leave me alone about eating.
Favorite Tazo tea flavors?
/u/patriotsfan4life [5'2 | CW: 104 i'm fucking fat | GW: 70 | 14F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 23:07:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ehzo3/favorite_tazo_tea_flavors/
---
I'm going to the store tomorrow and I've never tried this brand, but it seems popular here. Hit me up with your favorite flavors to help me decide what to buy.
Lots of love my dudes :)
[Goal] My body is just this weird chemical monster that I'm beholden to.
/u/You-Key-Oh-Me-She-Ma
Created: Mon Apr 23 22:28:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ehsq0/my_body_is_just_this_weird_chemical_monster_that/
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[removed]
[Discussion] I wish I could go back in time and get into exercise! What are your fav types?
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | too scared to weigh - Waist size 27 | 25F ]
Created: Mon Apr 23 22:22:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ehrlx/i_wish_i_could_go_back_in_time_and_get_into/
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I was really bad at PE at school, because it was quite hard to get excited about rounders and all the sporty girls terrified me, but I wish I had got my parents to take me to a gym or I'd asked for a treadmill or something. I'm actually really fit and have great stamina these days, I just wish I'd started earlier.
So I am in LOVE with blogilates. Something about her upbeat personality, openness about having an ED, her cool workout gear and just general happy demeanour makes me want to do ALL of Cassey Ho's videos. Honestly, I feel *normal* when I'm working out 'with' her. I tried BBG but you need a million different types of workout stuff and the cost really racks up. With Cassey, you just need a yoga mat.
What are your favourite exercises to do?
[Help] I lied to my therapist for the first time
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 171.8 | HW 197 | LW 122 | 30F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 22:09:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ehp1j/i_lied_to_my_therapist_for_the_first_time/
---
I was telling her that when I've gone a while without eating (like 6 or 7 hours) it's just easier to continue to not eat rather than eat a little or a small meal and risk not being able to stop. She gave me a look and I old her I know that sounds irrational but in reality that sounds perfectly rational to me. I'm trying to stop purging and if I can stop a binge purging is so so so much less likely to happen.
Is this really something that is absolutely batshit or is this perfectly logical?
[Rant/Rave] An evening in the life of a maybe alcorexic/drunkorexic/pick terminology here.
/u/amaranthinenightmare
Created: Mon Apr 23 22:03:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ehnrr/an_evening_in_the_life_of_a_maybe/
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Didn’t eat anything today. At about 10 pm I decided I really wanted a shot or two of tequila. I ran a mile to the gas station, bought a couple Jose shooters, and enjoyed them on an otherwise empty and fasting belly.
#No ragrets 👌🏻
(PS I used to be really active on this sub a while back but I deleted my old account I had specifically for this at one point and have since then decided fuck it, so here I am on my actual real account. So. Hello again.)
[Rant/Rave] When I was 100lbs..
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 101.2 | ftm ]
Created: Mon Apr 23 21:53:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ehloj/when_i_was_100lbs/
---
i was small
i was cute
fitted clothes looked just right
baggy clothes looked adorable
nothing was too big
i picked clothes from the kids section
people picked me up all the time
now that i'm 114 lbs
i have a prominent double chin
no one calls me cute anymore
fitted clothes make me look 2
months pregnant
i'm disgusting
[Rant/Rave] Bought some crisps...still haven't eaten them...
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | too scared to weigh - Waist size 27 | 25F ]
Created: Mon Apr 23 21:26:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ehg9c/bought_some_crispsstill_havent_eaten_them/
---
I went to bed instead! I think I'm just going to throw them out. I love it when stuff like this happens because it means that I have *some* kind of control, and if I've exercised control once, I can do it again!
BACK TO IF, BABY.
[Rant/Rave] Ate more than what I wanted, freaking out.
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Mon Apr 23 20:47:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eh82s/ate_more_than_what_i_wanted_freaking_out/
---
I was in the position to be at 1200 calories, it seems like a lot but I’ll tall so it puts me at anywhere from a 1000-1200 calorie deficit depending on my activity.
I Ate about 1800.
I wasn’t even fucking hungry, I just felt so spacey and my mind was like “this is stupid, eat”. I don’t feel overly full but laying in bed now I wish I would’ve just kept my perfect fucking 1200 calories.
I don’t even have a scale so I can’t feel better about if after weighing in tomorrow.
I just. Whyyyyyy
Why can’t I just eat and be okay with it.
[Discussion] The light switch
/u/PhallicEnemy
Created: Mon Apr 23 20:30:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eh483/the_light_switch/
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I'm not sure what age I was, I know I was in high school. One day I just became conscious of my weight and tried to change it. Through destruction. I've always been skinny, maybe a bit chubby growing up, but once I hit the teens I was skinny. My brother has always been "anorexic" thin like what most people define as "eat a burger" thin. One day I guess I wanted to be that. I was also influenced by a lot of depressing music. The singers tended to be thin and I wanted and craved that rockstar physique.
I went through phases of severe fasting and purging. I loved when I binge drank and slowly lost my appetite. But to this day, I still feel the crave. Every day I put arbitrary numbers (that I assume are accurate due to years of experience) in my head. I know it's "healthy" to be aware of your intake, but it annoys me how I do it automatically. I very frequently lift up my shirt and frown at my appearance. Still as skinny as before, just hate the pudge.
Does anyone know how to help? I just turned 21 so I can "legally" drink and I'm now compensating for alcohol calories. I've resisted puking urges but I feel like every day I have this arbitrary counter that is controlling my life. I hate feeling superior to people heavier than me, it's like my brain constantly has a contest. Am I treating the symptoms and not the disease?
[Discussion] DAE not understand how “healthy” progress pics of redditors are accurate?
/u/sheache
Created: Mon Apr 23 20:05:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8egyna/dae_not_understand_how_healthy_progress_pics_of/
---
Weight loss pics of people never cease to amaze me. The weights they claim to be seeming very high compared to their pictures...maybe they’re just posting flattering/slimming pictures but to me they look so beautiful/good. Even at 20 pounds lighter I think i look bigger.
[Help] Wellbutrin & Adderall: Good combination for weight loss? Bonus question: Anything as good as Hydroxycut was?
/u/NotYourAverageTomBoy
Created: Mon Apr 23 19:15:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8egn8m/wellbutrin_adderall_good_combination_for_weight/
---
[removed]
[Help] How not to eat bad food when with bf?
/u/abagool
Created: Mon Apr 23 19:04:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8egkxp/how_not_to_eat_bad_food_when_with_bf/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Why can't I keep this feeling?
/u/OrganicEggWhite
Created: Mon Apr 23 18:57:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8egj8j/why_cant_i_keep_this_feeling/
---
It's euphoric to ruin or destroy food and throw it away. But it's so hard to do it. Even though I know it feels so good. I just resisted a binge for the first time in weeks and holy shit I hope this is a restriction phase starting up.
[Discussion] Lesbians and men: do you care how much your girlfriend weighs?
/u/gasstationfantasy
Created: Mon Apr 23 18:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ege99/lesbians_and_men_do_you_care_how_much_your/
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Do the same high standards you have for yourself apply to your partner? Lately I've realized that I don't obsess about my girlfriend's weight as much as I do my own. She's lovely at any weight yet I can never see myself the same way. Is anyone else this way?
[Help] Wellbutrin & Adderall. Good combo for weight loss? Bonus question: Anything as good as Hydroxycut used to be?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 23 18:29:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8egd3m/wellbutrin_adderall_good_combo_for_weight_loss/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8egd3m/wellbutrin_adderall_good_combo_for_weight_loss/
[Rant/Rave] The only reason I don’t purge
/u/SUIT_UP_BRO
Created: Mon Apr 23 18:24:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8egbvd/the_only_reason_i_dont_purge/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] Does anyone else just feel almost comfortable with their ED? It's something natural to me at this point instead of chaotic or stressful...
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 107 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Mon Apr 23 18:13:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eg9d8/does_anyone_else_just_feel_almost_comfortable/
---
I sometimes can't relate to the posts about EDs causing anxiety because my ED is one of the least stressful things in my life, is that strange?
I sometimes question if I even am that bad because even at my lowest weight, probably below 90, if I would overeat one day it'd be on my mind, a nagging feeling, but more just a case of *"I'll just fast today and average it out, still lose, it is what it is"*. And I did. And I still do. It's just maths, simple. I can control it.
It's *always* there though, I still want the extra weight gone, nothing to remind me of being weak and axious. It does shape pretty much every decision I make; where I get off the bus, the temperature of my room, the times I eat, if I eat, the clothes I wear - but the thing is I don't even know if I *mind*. It's pretty much the only aspect of my life that isn't stressful because it's so simple, the end goal is always the same and the method is purely maths, calories in (well), calories out. Fool proof.
Can anyone relate?
[Rant/Rave] Is it truly possible to lose 20 pounds and yet have little to no visual difference?
/u/PM_ME_JABBERWOCKYS
Created: Mon Apr 23 18:05:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eg7ew/is_it_truly_possible_to_lose_20_pounds_and_yet/
---
Frustrated. That's the only emotion I've been feeling as of late.
I thought when I would finally drop 20 pounds (5'7", SW: 158) I would be much happier with myself. I had this nebulous goal in mind; my saddlebags would finally melt down, my thighs would become less sausage like. My calves would maybe start to resemble actual human fucking calves, and not maintain the same weird bulbous shape they've been since the third grade.
I stepped on the scale yesterday and it took me a minute to register that I was 138. When I saw the number pop up on the display screen, all I could think of was "Oh, I'm sure I'll look better at 130…" all while not realizing that *I've lost 20 pounds and virtually look the same.*
FUCK.
I hate being a dumpy pear shape. My top half has slimmed down somewhat, but that still looks the same too. In fact, I carry some fat in my midsection, so I get to have a mutant two-fruit body shape instead of one! Yay!
I can just see my collarbones, shoulderblades, somewhat of my spine and my ribs. Even my damn hipbones are starting to cast deeper shadows, and yet I still feel and look like a fatass. My thighs are humongous, I literally look like two different people stitched haphazardly together. I went down this rabbit hole in the first place because I hate my body. I *know* I can achieve an androgynous look because my actual hips are very narrow for a female. It's my damn fat distribution. It just stores everything from my midsection down.
If I'm trying to look for the good, I do notice that my face has slimmed down quite a bit.
But my fucking legs, man. The fuck kind of body wants to store fat so that it can resemble the Michelin Man? How does this provide an evolutionary benefit? If I was running away from a fucking saber-toothed tiger, my heavy fat legs would probably preclude me from going over certain obstacles or having some sort of flexibility. And I've had this same exact body shape since the 3rd grade. I can't even fathom having skinny legs again, because the only time in my life where I actually looked human was when I was a preschooler.
I haven't dropped pant sizes either, believe me. Still a loose 12 and a tight 10! Fuck, I'd be happy if I could just be an 8!
TL;DR: Pear-shaped bodies: destined to just hold onto fat forever? I thought I could beat my disordered eating tendencies until I realized I dropped 20 pounds and hardly look any different.
[Rant/Rave] Someone tell me I'm being irrational.
/u/uncommonlyaverage [5'3" | CW 100 | UGW 92 |19F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 18:00:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eg64r/someone_tell_me_im_being_irrational/
---
So, I binged/purged so much this weekend after heavy restriction sub 500 cal for a few weeks. I don't think I gained, but I'm too scared to weigh myself and check. I want to purge again despite coughing up blood yesterday, and I have painful sores on my hands from purging. I just ate dinner with my boyfriend at the dining hall at my college, and I didn't count today I ate between 700-850 today all together probably. I usually overestimate, but not counting to the exact amount has me so upset. I am freaking out. I feel like I shouldn't have eaten because I b/p yesterday and I didn't count. I want to purge even though I know I shouldn't. I seriously am crying because I think I just ruined all my progress. I can't stand not purging if I eat more than 500 calories. Sometimes I purge if I eat 500 out of guilt. I feel like my panic is justified someone tell me it's not. I really shouldn't purge again, but I want to so badly. A part of me is screaming that it's less than 1000 and it's no big deal, but the other side is screaming that I'm disgusting and a failure. I know I shouldn't purge because it's so bad for me.
My boyfriend was proud that I ate half a veggie burger and some salad and fruit at dinner. If I purge I feel like I'm letting him down, but I feel like I'm letting myself down if I don't because I think I'm going to gain from eating.
[Discussion] Can’t. Stop. Drinking. These. 99cals each so not exactly a safe food but better than binging on mi goreng
/u/Sgt_rumble
Created: Mon Apr 23 17:49:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eg3mc/cant_stop_drinking_these_99cals_each_so_not/
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https://i.redd.it/gb7kh6d1xqt01.jpg
[Help] Weight gain on Lexapro?
/u/Poopoodemons [5’1 | CW 105 | BMI 20 | WL 6 lb | F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 17:09:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8efu19/weight_gain_on_lexapro/
---
I’ve recently reached out for help for my depression /anxiety and my doctor prescribed me Lexapro. I’ve read a lot of mixed reviews about it causing people to gain weight. Does anyone have any experience to share? I’ve been massively restricting because I’m terrified of it causing me to gain weight, and I’ve actually lost 5 lb in the 4 weeks since I started but I’m not sure if it will start catching up with me.
Holy fuck I want to die
/u/leschauvessouris [5'6 | 118]
Created: Mon Apr 23 17:05:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eft4m/holy_fuck_i_want_to_die/
---
So today I went to a doctors clinic for an ear issue, they fucked up my ear even more and now I have almost no hearing in that ear.
And to add insult to injury, they weighed me with my shoes and oversized hoodie on, didn’t take my height, and put “5’4 121 lbs BMI 21” on my evaluation sheet. I am NOT 5’4 and I am NOT 121 lbs.
I’m not only fat and disgusting now (not that I wasn’t before lol) but also half deaf! Yay!
[Discussion] Freezing Hunger nerve. This sounds amazing to me, and if I could have it done now I would.
/u/DietDuchess
Created: Mon Apr 23 16:41:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8efn91/freezing_hunger_nerve_this_sounds_amazing_to_me/
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https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.usnews.com/news/health-care-news/articles/2018-03-21/new-weight-loss-procedure-freezes-hunger-nerves-to-brain%3fcontext=amp
[Rant/Rave] Have seen some of you posting about bai 10 cal drinks - fyi, they're a great mixer for liquor
/u/OscaraWilde [5'4" | CW 120 | SW 123 | GW 115 | UGW 110?]
Created: Mon Apr 23 16:38:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8efmg8/have_seen_some_of_you_posting_about_bai_10_cal/
---
Have been enjoying them on their own until I ran out of the new flavored diet cokes tonight and mixed out of desperation. Almost totally masks the taste of my shitty vodka! That is all. Signed, your local (wannabe) drunkorexic.
[Discussion] Things Your BFF does
/u/xox_morbid
Created: Mon Apr 23 16:28:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8efk2w/things_your_bff_does/
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My best friend messaged me today telling me to not watch Dr.Phil because they have a girl on today that’s anorexic and she didn’t want me to get triggered (It doesn’t. If anything it makes me more determined.)
❤️ I swear I love her so much.
[Help] adult residential treatment center suggestions
/u/indogyearsimdead [5'5" | 100 | 16.6 | -51 | F | 🍑: spicypotatotaco]
Created: Mon Apr 23 15:31:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ef516/adult_residential_treatment_center_suggestions/
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hi all, lately i've been very seriously looking into recovery. it turns out my health insurance will cover most of my treatment costs, turning recovery into something that's actually financially possible for me. i filled out an application with center for discovery because they have a couple of locations near me (in Texas), but apparently they only offer adult residential in southern california. i'm doing a lot of research but i'm having trouble finding treatment centers that offer:
* residential treatment (outpatient is not a possibility for me)
* residential treatment **for adults**
* psychiatric care for comorbid mental illnesses (bpd, in my case)
* and accept united healthcare insurance
location isn't hugely important for me, but i'm sure my family would prefer i be at least in the southern us. if you have any advice or recommendations please let me know!! this is all so overwhelming and confusing.
[Rant/Rave] I’m missing four teeth thanks to my eating disorder.
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Mon Apr 23 15:09:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eez9o/im_missing_four_teeth_thanks_to_my_eating_disorder/
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I really don’t know what to say. I’m still in a state of shock, honestly. I know that losing teeth is a common side effect of bulimia, so I didn’t think that it’d affect me.
My other teeth are ok, but I still can’t stop running my tongue over the extraction sites. They’re all back molars, thank G*d, but I’m still stressing out over the possibility of losing even more teeth.
[Rant/Rave] Heinz Reduced Sugar (aka 5-calorie ketchup) seemingly being discontinued 😭😭😭
/u/nightmaerceci [5'11" | CW 143 | GW 134 | BMI 19.9]
Created: Mon Apr 23 15:02:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eexg7/heinz_reduced_sugar_aka_5calorie_ketchup/
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...and replaced by this stupid new "No Sugar Added" version that has twice the calories per serving :(
It's disappeared from every store near me that used to have it (Walmart, Shoprite, Stop & Shop..)
The current (previous? 😭) Reduced Sugar version is one of my all-time favorite safe foods. It tastes just as good as regular ketchup, goes with almost everything, and if I want to I can inhale half the bottle for only 55 kcal! Please Heinz say it ain't so 😭
[Rant/Rave] I hate that my ED won't let me do the things that make me happy.
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Mon Apr 23 14:39:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eer60/i_hate_that_my_ed_wont_let_me_do_the_things_that/
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I have been super productive today. Got some pots and more soil and seeds, transplanted my sage into a bigger pot, and started painting the desk I'm going to use to put all my plants on. These things make me happy. But all I can feel is guilt because I still haven't started going to the gym. All I can feel is guilt because I woke at 3am and had breakfast of a boiled chicken breast and mashed cauliflower. Then even more guilt because I got a sprite zero and a chicken wrap which I had around 1pm after I did some work priming/painting and planting.
This is normal human enjoying their day off type stuff. I am excited and enjoying it to an extent. But in the back of my mind I just keep thinking how I'll never be beautiful if I keep eating, or I'll never be beautiful if I don't start working out again. What's worse is I know my friends will come over and see how I worked on all this stuff and find it cool and admire me for it. But I will be wondering how can they care when I'm so ugly and fat?
I wish I could enjoy life. I wish I could see what my friends and peers see. But I just see fat.
[Rant/Rave] I am both excited and scared for uni
/u/sadladthrowaway69 [5’9 | CW 83kg | GW 75kg | bmi 27 | male]
Created: Mon Apr 23 14:30:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eeoha/i_am_both_excited_and_scared_for_uni/
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The main thing that has caused me to not go all the way into a full blown ED in the past was the fact that my mum is a nurse and very observant. I can’t skip dinner, and she cooks most meals from scratch so I can’t easily tell the calories. Every time I start restricting and lose a couple kg, the fear of her figuring out my eating problems and the anxiety from not being able to count calories properly trumps the need to restrict, and I eat normally for a couple months before my brain starts it all again.
I’m moving out of my home town for uni next year, living in student apartments, and I just know there’ll be nothing stopping me from my goals. I’m excited but also worried 🙃
[Rant/Rave] I am just tired of it.
/u/kayasawyer
Created: Mon Apr 23 14:18:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eel6o/i_am_just_tired_of_it/
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I’ve tried so hard to get better. Tried to stick to a diet plan that my dietician gave me but every time I try I just fall back into old habits. I just want to get better not only for myself but for my husband as well. He’s so worried and I love him so much for caring as much as he does. He’s been my rock through all of this but he’s going out of town to take care of his mother and I don’t know. I need to find a way to be better without him but I’m scared it’s not possible.
[Discussion] Do you go by the old BMI or the ‘new’ BMI?
/u/hemera-ilios [21 F| 6'0| CW 162| BMI 22.0| HW 185| GW 120]
Created: Mon Apr 23 14:00:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eeg6r/do_you_go_by_the_old_bmi_or_the_new_bmi/
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So apparently, unbeknownst to me, Oxford Uni updated the BMI formula in 2013 or something. I ‘win’ out on it, because according to it my HW was never actually overweight like I believed it was (although it was only about 5lbs short) and my current BMI’s 21.1 rather than 22.
I really don’t know whether to go by the old or new. Like, I’m aware that the new is probably more accurate or whatever, but the fact that I win out/it says my BMI is lower than I thought makes me suspicious. I feel like I should take the most critical view of myself or something to be safe.
Does anybody know which one most health practitioners use? Which do you use?
[Rant/Rave] Terrified
/u/yanaBae
Created: Mon Apr 23 13:59:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eefzm/terrified/
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Lately it's become clear to me just how much I'm fucking my body up.
Idk why it's come to me just now, it's been over four years now but it just set in with me relapsing again.
I eat less than 600 cals most of the time, I waaay over exercise (burning 1500-2000 kcals at least almost every day these past 3 years) and taking little to no supplements.
Yes I am still a normal bmi somehow, yes I still have my period about once every two months, but it's become clear to me that this is very risky.
Today I went for a nap and just couldn't fall asleep terrified I won't wake up (tyvm anxiety).
And yet I can't stop this. I just can't. Just now I made myself eat a bunch of cherry tomatoes and I feel sick to my stomach and wanna purge it.
I have a very busy work life spending most of my time hiking and camping which makes all this all the more risky.... and its gonna be even worse once I get recruited to the army (yay israel, mandatory service)
Idk how to deal with all this while also wanting to be thin SO BAD. ITS BEEN WELL OVER FOUR FUCKING YEARS OF TORTURE, I DESERVE A FLAT STOMACH ALREADY FFS. yk?
Idk what to do. My mind is tormenting me with this desire to finally be thin but my desire to *actually be alive to enjoy it*.
And I'm so close too! I'm so so so close. So I keep telling myself I'll keep going until I'm there and then I'll stop and be normal at last but I know it won't stop there, and that I'll just gain and lose those 10 kg again and again.
Sorry for the super long rant, I just have a lot on my mind
[Discussion] Twinbody?
/u/handzies
Created: Mon Apr 23 13:58:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eefgx/twinbody/
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Its like a progress tracking Insta? Experience? Add each other? Something along those lines?
I figure daily photos of myself will help with dysmorphia. Or that's my hope.
I just wanna get the skinny on what its about.
[Tip] Southwest-ish Veggie Tacos! (~360 calories for the whole plate)
/u/throwaway-thetrash
Created: Mon Apr 23 13:57:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eefed/southwestish_veggie_tacos_360_calories_for_the/
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https://i.redd.it/lxulf1ojrpt01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I’m a failure
/u/BbyPlatypi
Created: Mon Apr 23 13:37:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ee9sp/im_a_failure/
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Every time I eat anything, even just drinking black coffee, I feel like the biggest piece shit on the planet. Of course I have zero control and eat food 3-4 times per day totaling between 850-1450 max calories so I feel like a piece of shit almost continuously. My fiancé looks at my calorie tracking app and gets mad when I don’t eat more than 1200 so I feel like a failure then too.
And to top it all off? I’ve weighed 161, I’m 5’4, my highest weight, for over a year despite exercising four times a week, hiring a personal trainer, tracking every calorie that enters my body, and cutting out Zoloft and alcohol completely ( only one week ago for the booze but still). I don’t even have a small victory to celebrate. Not even a single pound. I just want to be happy but I have nothing to be happy about because everything is super-ceded by me being an ugly fat whale.
[Discussion] Most reliable scale
/u/jessahugs
Created: Mon Apr 23 13:29:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ee7h6/most_reliable_scale/
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What do you guys use to weigh yourself? I've been using the Fitbit Aria Scale but a year ago it stopped connecting to the internet and I got an apple watch to track my steps... so i'm willing to switch over to a different brand.
[Discussion] TMI: purging
/u/frida569 [163 cm | 74 kg | 15 kg | female]
Created: Mon Apr 23 13:15:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ee3n1/tmi_purging/
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When you purge, does it come out as one full burst of normal vomit or is it like bit by bit of vomit chunks that definitely do not flow as smoothly as normal vomit?
Also
How do you hide the burst capillaries afterwards? I get so many of them around my eyes and I don’t want people finding out I purge.
[Help] Need motivation to stick to my plan
/u/th3Y3ti [5' 3.5" | CW 119| UGW 103| F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 13:10:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ee242/need_motivation_to_stick_to_my_plan/
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So basically yesterday was a monstrosity of a binge day for me. So much so that I woke up multiple times in the middle of the night with horrible stomach pain and a really strong urge to shit my brains out (sorry, not trying to get too graphic here).
So I’ve decided that I need to fast for the next few days to do some damage control and hopefully jump start my body into losing again ( plus it’s getting so nice out I can’t really rely on sweatshirts and layers to hide myself anymore). But I only just started my fast today and somehow my body is ALREADY hungry??
The frustration of that nonsense aside though, just thinking about how far away the end of my fast is intimidates me and is pushing me to just give up because “there’s no way you’ll reach your goal anyway”. I just would really like some encouragement or ideas about how I can achieve this goal.
Sleeping through it isn’t really an option because the end of the semester is coming up and I have a million things that I have to do. I know using my work as a distraction will be essential, but that only works for so long before I can’t focus anymore and need to take a break. Any thoughts or comments are deeply appreciated :)
I’m not sure if it’s just because it’s the first warm day in my city in like 6 months, but I’m having a super confident day today :^)
/u/martpogboi [5'7 | CW 116.4 | BMI 18.17 | HW 140 | LW 99 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 12:36:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eds6v/im_not_sure_if_its_just_because_its_the_first/
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https://i.redd.it/i2aicjx7dpt01.jpg
[Discussion] Posted a few days ago about people using your ED against you...
/u/NoMindNeverMatter
Created: Mon Apr 23 12:35:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eds0g/posted_a_few_days_ago_about_people_using_your_ed/
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Aaaand...I’m being downvoted like crazy.
https://www.reddit.com/r/fasting/comments/8ebhia/7_day_water_fast_completed_results_before_and/?st=JGCKWMQG&sh=7f1955b1
Feels isolating. But the fast did help me with my chronic nausea and migraines which is SUCH a relief.
Am I promoting an ED in that post? I didn’t feel like I was, was just trying to be honest about how the weight dropped since I did lose 2 lbs from lax.
I don’t know if it’s just because it’s the first warm day in my stupid city in like 6 months but I’m having a weirdly super confident day today :^)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 23 12:34:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8edrjv/i_dont_know_if_its_just_because_its_the_first/
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https://imgur.com/a/IyqFwJ9
Is it better to drink or to binge?
/u/alpacarla
Created: Mon Apr 23 12:31:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8edqpy/is_it_better_to_drink_or_to_binge/
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Trying to weigh up which would be the least damaging right now.
Lost Period
/u/Ellie___Phant [5'5 | CW 124 | GW 110]
Created: Mon Apr 23 11:45:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eddg9/lost_period/
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Even when I was at my low weight a couple years ago, I never lost my period. And at this time I was going on 8 day water fasts, low carb, exercising as much as possible, and heavily restricting. However, I noticed that I haven't had my period this month and it's ever since I started purging \(only been doing it less than two months\). It's weird because my weight is more consistent when I binge/purge and I'm definitely getting more calories than when I was heavily restricting. I don't even purge every day; however, sometimes I do it multiple times a day. Why is this happening? Is it because of hormones or something. I even eat kind of normal some days and take multivitamins......
[Discussion] do you gain any calories just by tasting then spitting food?
/u/Matryoshka-Doll [Height 5'7" | CW kms | GW 134 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 11:45:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eddg6/do_you_gain_any_calories_just_by_tasting_then/
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it was just something that popped into my head, and i couldnt find anything on this sub that really talked about it.
[Rant/Rave] I’m so scared I’ll gain weight I’m scared it’s happening right now
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Mon Apr 23 11:19:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ed678/im_so_scared_ill_gain_weight_im_scared_its/
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I had so much time before class and convinced myself I would only eat fruit at the dining hall. LOL. I think I had....fruit and like the equivalent of like... 1 1/2 slices of cake.... oops. Really nervous now because I’m scared I’m gaining weight. I’m going to a nice gym class tonight so that’ll take care of it. But I’m afraid I just can’t eat the rest of the day now.
I’m restricting to 1000 calories a day to try drop weight. How long does it fucking take to see a difference it’s driving me insane
/u/GreenEyedGirlTime
Created: Mon Apr 23 10:23:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ecqbz/im_restricting_to_1000_calories_a_day_to_try_drop/
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[removed]
[Discussion] To all of you thinking about developing en ED
/u/mipiacelapizza
Created: Mon Apr 23 10:18:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ecoxm/to_all_of_you_thinking_about_developing_en_ed/
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I don't know you, I don't know what you went through, but I want to tell you that living with anorexia, bulimia or anything like these is hell on earth. It's been 2 years since I started restricting and it has completely taken control over my life, my raletionships, my feelings. I was happy, my grades were pretty good, everything was fine. But then I started to obsess over calories and feel awful and cold all the time. The only way I feel good about myself now is when I'm severely restricting or not eating at all. Every time I shower some hair get stuck in my fingers, I poop once a week if I'm lucky, my grades dropped really hard because I haven't enough energy to do all my homework, I get sick very easily and spend a lot of money in medicines. Is it really what you want? Is it really how you want to live? I wish you all the happiness in the world and I really hope you think twice before doing things you defenetly will regret in the future.
[Discussion] April 23rd, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [27F | 5'5" | CW 122 | GW 105 ]
Created: Mon Apr 23 09:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8echai/april_23rd_2018_question_of_the_day/
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How would your parents describe you?
[Help] Ephedrine online?
/u/rayballine
Created: Mon Apr 23 09:44:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ecfew/ephedrine_online/
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Does anyone know where I can get ephedrine online? I’m have bad social anxiety and calling pharmacies sounds terrible.
[Discussion] Does anyone else get a feeling of extreme anxiety if the try and resist binging?
/u/SkinnyAgain259 [Height 5’7” | CW 160lbs | BMI 25.2 | Gender F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 09:31:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ecbt2/does_anyone_else_get_a_feeling_of_extreme_anxiety/
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Takeaway is my go to for binge eating. If I try and eat something healthy that I have in my house, I still get this nagging feeling in my head that I NEED to eat more otherwise something bad will happen.
It’s such a loud voice telling me I need to get takeaway or mass amounts of junk food to soothe the anxiety. The amount of mental gymnastics I’ve done to justify spending stupid amounts of money on takeaway is ridiculous.
I calculated over the past year on my just eat order history, it’s over £1000 on takeaway :/ I’m in debt yet I’ll justify what is essentially eating my money :(
If I don’t give in though it’s such a horrible feeling in my head, can’t stop the thing going “do it” over and over again.
[Help] binged last night - should i weigh in today?
/u/69plasticflowers [5'6.5" | CW 136.5lbs | BMI 21.7 | -17.5lbs | GW: 116lbs | F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 09:20:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ec8sc/binged_last_night_should_i_weigh_in_today/
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i binged last night for the first time in a week \(what is it about sundays?\) and i'm super bloated today. should i bother weighing in, or wait a couple days til wednesday? i feel like i'm probably going to fast til wednesday anyway. i know if i did anything other than lose, i'll be crushed \(i've been dropping 0.5lbs/day for a week and loving it\). but i also know i should punish myself for binging if i want to stop binging, and i'd hate to disrupt my morning routine of weighing myself.
what should i do?
[Rant/Rave] My jeans tore and I hate myself
/u/collarboners
Created: Mon Apr 23 09:10:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ec633/my_jeans_tore_and_i_hate_myself/
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I literally want to die. I was wearing a pair of new, distressed Zara jeans on Saturday, actually feeling good about myself even though I had pizza and beer and all other kinds of shit food during the day.
But then... while getting into an uber with all of my friends, the knee of my jeans ripped completely open.
I can’t tell if the distressed bit got caught and tore or if I’m truly just a fucking huge monster but either way, I have never been so embarrassed and ashamed in my life.
This is what I get for thinking I can have a weekend eating like a normal person. Fuck my life.
[Discussion] Any other overweight/obese people giving up on the idea of being super thin?
/u/elttil_snatas [5'3" | CW 180.8lbs | Obese Whale | -14.2lbs | F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 08:58:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ec2u0/any_other_overweightobese_people_giving_up_on_the/
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I've been overweight/obese my entire life. When I got down to my lw I was 2 lbs away from being considered healthy for the first time ever. Shit happened (as it always does) and I binge ate my fat ass up to new heights and have since been struggling with the very concept of self-control. I spend a couple weeks fasting and restricting and losing weight like crazy, hit a plateau, try to keep pushing through it but then the unchanging numbers get to me and I binge binge binge until I've regained all I've lost.
I used to live by my ever-changing ugw. 125, 111, 105, 99, 95, 90. I obsessed on sites like my body gallery trying to see what I could/would look like. Hell, if I find someone with a similar body to mine on r/progresspics I save or screenshot the post and spend hours in the bathroom pinching and pulling my fat, comparing every inch of my body to their before pictures to see if I'll be satisfied at their after number.
By now I've just gotten tired of it all. I'll be satisfied with anything within the healthy range- or so I tell myself. I'm done being obese. I'm done being overweight. I want to be objectively within an okay range. I want to be able to buy clothes without having to head straight for the plus-sized section. I'm tired of wondering in the back of my mind how fat I truly look. All those hours in front of the mirror haven't given me an answer. I want to be able to look around without nearly every angle of my head giving me extra chins. I want to sit in a pair of jeans without immediately spilling out like a popped can of biscuits. No matter how well my clothes fit while standing it's always a shit show when I have the audacity to sit. I don't care about perfection anymore. I've given up on ever being happy with my body. I'll take moderately satisfied at this point. I've just been huge for so long.
Tl;dr: obese woman bitches about having always been fat and just wishes to be within a range where she is not objectively considered disgusting
[Rant/Rave] If anyone lives in Korea or you can fine these elsewhere... They are under 10cals! I found them at HomePlus.
/u/ueno_stn_54 [5'3|CW220|GW140|N/A|23F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 08:56:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ec276/if_anyone_lives_in_korea_or_you_can_fine_these/
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https://i.redd.it/tos3iiex9ot01.jpg
I ordered an ecig to suppress my appetite
/u/uselessalliteration
Created: Mon Apr 23 08:24:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ebu4w/i_ordered_an_ecig_to_suppress_my_appetite/
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I've never smoked. but I've been EC stacking lately and it's allowed me to feel like I'm powerful and not subject to the whims of my body. when I can choose not to eat, I feel in control.
I got an ecig for the same reasons, just minus the obvious health effects (my poor heart does NOT like ephedrine and caffeine together). we don't know if vapes give you cancer yet, so I'll probably be fine! (says my brain). I've also always gotten the urge to start smoking when life gets hard; something in my brain really, really wants to kill itself slowly but in a way that makes me feel badass. ecig seems to be a happy middle ground, for now.
saying a prayer that this doesn't backfire in a way I'll regret if I ever make it to old and happy. I feel like I might be carving time off a part of my future I can't be sure if I'll want or not.
real talk, has anyone else done this? advice? dire warnings? I want half validation and half someone to tell me to throw it in the trash when it gets here, aha.
[Help] Water weight or a mistake?
/u/monstersona
Created: Mon Apr 23 08:00:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ebnnx/water_weight_or_a_mistake/
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So I was 181 on wednesday and then on Thursday and Friday I binged (though Friday was more like a regular eating schedule) and I was back to 186 on Saturday. Did I really gain back five pounds or would it be water weight from drinking a bunch of soda etc?
[Discussion] What happened to the participants of THIN, the documentary by Lauren greenwood? Updates in 2018?
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 115 | 19.7 | meh | 26F]
Created: Mon Apr 23 07:55:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ebmam/what_happened_to_the_participants_of_thin_the/
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I’m mostly curious about Alisa, Brittany and Shelly because I already know about Polly :( I liked Polly a lot and I feel like she had a lot of love to give :(
Rewatching this doc now I feel so connected because the participants are kind of around their mid twenties and around my age :/
[Rant/Rave] I hate work.
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | too scared to weigh - Waist size 27 | 25F ]
Created: Mon Apr 23 07:37:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ebhz7/i_hate_work/
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I work as an ESL teacher, and the company I work for means that I am "on call" from 9am to 9pm. On Mondays I used to finish at 1pm, but now I have a private client at 6:30\-8:30pm. And it's a nightmare. I'm constantly tired and I have AS so my routine is out of whack and it means that restricting is harder. I started off at this job like 5kg lighter.
I would LOVE to go back to summer where all I was doing was sleeping, drawing, learning Russian, having my heart ripped out by a guy \(okay maybe not that one\) and FASTING.
Instead this is my schedule \(including travel time\):
Monday \- 10am \- 1pm \[HUGE FUCK OFF BREAK\] 5pm \- 9pm
Tuesday: 8:30am \- 11am \[TINY BREAK\] 1pm \- 7pm
Wednesday: 9am \- 7pm
Thursday: 8:30am\- 11am \[TINY BREAK\] 1pm \- 7pm
Friday: 9am \- 7pm
I'm so fucking tired of it. This doesn't include lesson planning or anything. We don't get half terms. We don't get Easter breaks. I'm constantly 'on' and I'm at the end of my tether.
It means that I'm constantly tired, hungry and irritable. The end of the school year can't come fast enough, tbh.
[Rant/Rave] No one has noticed my fasting?
/u/shharkie [61.5’’ | SW: 115 | CW:93 | BMI:17.98]
Created: Mon Apr 23 07:16:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ebd2s/no_one_has_noticed_my_fasting/
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So I live with my family, and none of them have even /asked/ me if I’ve ate. I had some pizza and wings yesterday morning, started my fast at 9:55 AM, and no one has even noticed I’m not eating. It’s not really their job or anything, but my parents have even asked my brother if he had lunch yet, but nothing to me. Almost makes me feel like I should fast until someone asks- which is so weird. Why does my brain have to work this way???
(Its 9:15 where I live, so I have 40 minutes left before I hit 24 hours- not sure if I’ll continue or not. But I’m feeling okay so far.)
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! April 23, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 23 06:14:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eazh6/weekly_stats_update_april_23_2018/
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This is the weekly status thread for April 23, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 23, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 23 06:14:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eazgb/daily_food_diary_april_23_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for April 23, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] Can water weight make you look fatter everywhere?
/u/vitalogy95 [5'5" | CW: 155 | BMI: 25.79 | GW: 115 | HW: 176]
Created: Mon Apr 23 05:54:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eave9/can_water_weight_make_you_look_fatter_everywhere/
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I’ve been overeating for the past week but I know at most I’ve only gained 1.5 pounds of fat. Literally at most.
But, the scale has gone up about 6 pounds and every single part of my body looks and feels fatter. Can water weight cause you to look bigger everywhere, like even your legs and arms and face?
I’m also due for my period so I really really hope most of this is water weight.
[Rant/Rave] Vague threat of hospitalization from doctor
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Mon Apr 23 03:59:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8eab6o/vague_threat_of_hospitalization_from_doctor/
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So today my doctor basically said I need to get a serious action plan in place for recovery support and start gaining some weight back because if it drops any lower and my bloods get any worse I’ll be forced to be hospitalized.
I’m so annoyed and frustrated with myself because I actually hate my body right now and prefer how I looked at a slightly higher BMI but I’m so stuck in the cycle of ED behaviours and thoughts that I don’t know how to get back there.
My main thing is definitely the fact that I can’t tolerate the feeling of much food in my stomach. I think my body has adapated to the reduced intake and when I try to eat normally it hurts, my digestive system struggles, and I get a lot of other reactions like sweating, gas, etc. It’s like trying to start up a car that’s been left to ice over in a garage for a decade. I know I’ll have to get over it and tolerate those feelings to get back to a more normal place eventually but I just keep avoiding it like an idiot!
Ugh, fuck this stupid trap of a disorder.
[Discussion] Kid Rex got me a bit confused
/u/emerald_green92
Created: Mon Apr 23 03:28:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ea6k9/kid_rex_got_me_a_bit_confused/
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Ok so this is a kinda silly question but how the hell did she survive after such a long time of eating nothing for WEEKS or MONTHS on end at an allready unhealthy BMI? I am reading the book and it it very powerfull, completely disturbing, unlike Hunger point or Wintergirls or other similar books that I read I can actually emphatise with her she feels real...but I just don't get how the hell could she do it? It just says "around that time I stopped eating" and from what I get from the timeline the non-eating period goes on for months. Maybe I am just getting all the timeline thing wrong...
Anyway, I am barely abble to pull a two day fast without feeling like passing out everysecond on the third day and having to eat and I can't understand how could she do it and that kind of ruins the authenticity of the book for me a little.
[Rant/Rave] i am sick and don't know how I feel..
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Mon Apr 23 02:33:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e9yei/i_am_sick_and_dont_know_how_i_feel/
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on mobile please flair as rant or rave.
I don't know how long this will be but it could be long or not so long.
A former partner of mind found out they have AIDS. and said I should get tested and I am freaking out a little bit. I could test positive for HIV or potentially AIDS and I could die but a part of me also just really wants to Die. I also know people with this diagnosis tend to lose their appetites and lose a lot of weight before they die.
I feel so sad and miserable and invalid and honestly just want it to be over. I tried to kill my self two days ago and it didn't work so my life just continued and no one said anything. I drank two bottles of wine and took two dozen sleeping pills.
may be this isn't all ED related but I guess people on here could empathize. I am just so sad and feel really invalid as a human being. My ED is killing me slowly and honestly my appetite is pretty much gone unless O am drunk. I lost some weight cause the only times I eat are when I drink too much and even then I pass out before I eat much and wake up dehydrated and throw up from being nauseous.
I don't know what I want to here. I am scared.
W.
[Discussion] Does anyone else have a UGW that's even lower than the UGW they set for themselves?
/u/Bleepbloopbroke [65|CW 114.4|GW 95|UGW 84|19.26|]
Created: Mon Apr 23 00:01:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e9b6d/does_anyone_else_have_a_ugw_thats_even_lower_than/
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Like I tell myself my UGW is 84, but I know really it's gotta be 75 and then probably 69
I know it's dangerous to be that thin and that's what I want. Every bone sticking out and being as light as possible.
Goal 1: 105
Goal 2: 99
Goal 3: 90
Goal 4: 84
Goal 5: 75
And to be honest I doubt this would ever stop
Anyway just wondering if anyone else already knows they're UGW is not really where they want to end up?
Edit: I just made a calender of exactly when I'm gonna reach each weight at least down to 59, possibly 49 (I know, I'll probably die but I just care about numbers rn and I need to reassure myself that I can do this). So anyway. If anyone wants to see that let me knowww
[Rant/Rave] Fckd up last night woo
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 22 23:55:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e9a0y/fckd_up_last_night_woo/
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[deleted]
[Other] I’m so sick of this, but I don’t know how to be any other way. [rant]
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: 155 | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 23:47:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e98td/im_so_sick_of_this_but_i_dont_know_how_to_be_any/
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Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I intuitively eat or even count calories, but without becoming obsessed? I’m fat and I hate it. I hate feeling so trapped by my ED, but another part of me feels like I can’t stop until I’m at my goal weight.
A weight I’ll never reach because I always binge my way back to obese. A weight I’ll never reach because it goes down every time I get close to it.
I’m sick of being sick. I’m sick of being bipolar and knowing I’ll always have these binge and restrict urges with my mood cycles. I’m just sick of it. Why can’t I be normal?
coffee [Meme]
/u/pururinmoon
Created: Sun Apr 22 23:40:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e97ok/coffee_meme/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/gatekeeping/comments/8e3jdm/imagine_being_this_pressed_about_coffee/?utm_source=reddit-android
Holy fuck this is messing with my mind
/u/leschauvessouris [5'6 | 118]
Created: Sun Apr 22 23:09:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e92fs/holy_fuck_this_is_messing_with_my_mind/
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[removed]
[Help] I would like some ~clarification~ on whether or not my stats/measurements would be considered thin.
/u/miracleunicat [5'6 | CW: 109 | GW: 65]
Created: Sun Apr 22 22:57:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e906j/i_would_like_some_clarification_on_whether_or_not/
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[removed]
[Goal] Class trip-- I need help/ advice
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | fat | too high | Ugw: 7 lb 3 oz | 🍑 parahorizons]
Created: Sun Apr 22 22:25:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e8ufn/class_trip_i_need_help_advice/
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So one of my finals tomorrow is biking as a class to a memorial for a pretty significant accident that happened in our state. I was super excited until one of our classmates mentioned how close the memorial was to a super popular ice cream shop. Our professor actually got the department to pay for buying the whole class ice cream. I'm super freaked out bc I looked up the calories but the place is local/ small enough to not have any information on their website. I was planning to restrict tomorrow but I dont want to be weird by not eating with the class-- I also already have a... complicated student-professor relationship (nothing weird, just some things ive accidentally said/ done near him that already makes me look super unstable). Anyway, idk what to do, I was just planning to get ice cream and move it around to make it look like I ate some but it feels like a waste and I'll feel like an asshole. I know I'm taking an L no matter what decision I make but I'm still super anxious about it 😓
[Discussion] number 2
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Sun Apr 22 21:45:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e8mll/number_2/
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i’m so sorry to do this but i wanna know if i’m alone in this. i have anorexia BUT. i have this crazy ED obsession w going number 2 WAY TOO OFTEN. it’s literally destroying my life. i force myself to go around seven times a day and the motivation to get myself out of the bathroom is severely impossible. i can’t do my homework bc i can’t concentrate without thinking about using the restroom. i guess it’s a form of purging.... i spend at least half an hour on the toilet every time. and i don’t know how to fix it. my grades have literally dropped. and i shit u not (no pun intended) this is something that i’m actually battling. ugh.
[Rant/Rave] I have to stop smoking weed
/u/-teaqueen- [5'3" | 115 | 20.37 | -20 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 21:43:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e8m7p/i_have_to_stop_smoking_weed/
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[removed]
[Help] i thought i had left my eating disorder behind...
/u/kira_chameleon
Created: Sun Apr 22 21:37:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e8kzm/i_thought_i_had_left_my_eating_disorder_behind/
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**trigger warning sexual assault mentions**
so for the longest time i havent had a good relationship with food. im a 20 year old female and i dont think ive ever known what its like to have a healthy relationship with food. growing up my parents would constantly call me "junk eater" and would go on diets and stuff. i would often feel like i didnt deserve food and i mostly snacked or ate junk food. i never really felt bad though because i was thin.
i was sexually assaulted once when i was 18 and then again about 10 months ago by someone i was seeing. i started getting really bad around then with restricting and purging my food. i had also started to gain weight as my body turned curvier and fuller.
today I haven't purged since December 2017, so about 5 months.
im so uncomfortable with the weight ive gained even though for someone whos 5'3 im considered a normal weight i cant stand it. i feel so uncomfortable in form fitting clothing i have urges to start restricting again because ive become really depressed and aware that people notice the weight i gained.
i almost want to do it fro attention so people can see that although im doing better on the outside i am still completely broken on the inside. ive lived a life of mostly trauma and i dont know how to handle it.
recently a girl i used to be friends with posted online about how im fat now and that i was hotter when i was starving myself, and my family makes comments about how i need to go to the gym. i have a long history with self harm and substance abuse, so when i stopped both of those i turned to purging up to ten times a day and restricting. i lost so much weight and i looked awful.
i thought i was over this but recently i realized that the year anniversary of my second sexual assault is around the corner while my second anniversary of my first assault passed, on top of moving back home to live with my physically, emotionally and verbally abusive family due to money issues.
i dont know how to turn these urges off or not think about it when i eat. all im reminded of is how my stomach looks when i bend over or my upper arms or my thighs. its almost like i need to be skinny in order to feel ok with myself. i dont know how to keep myself from snowballing...
how do i lose weight in a way that isnt detrimental to my health?
[Help] Still eating on EC stack
/u/cxwang
Created: Sun Apr 22 21:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e8kw6/still_eating_on_ec_stack/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] It won't stop
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Sun Apr 22 21:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e8j06/it_wont_stop/
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For a long month I was purging everyday, then I began restricting and all of a sudden I'm back on binging and purging ( when I say binge it's not a lot of food but it's quite a bit of bad foods). I'm pretty sure I gained some weight from eating badly this past week after restricting so long and it's taking a god damn toll on my mind. I'm getting so frustrated I'm trying so hard to find ways to fight the bad foods or eating in general because once I've had a taste of high calorie foods, I don't stop. Why was it so easy to restrict at some point? I felt like on top of the world and so happy while restricting, now I feel like a whale and I have no sense of control.
This is fucking stupid
[Rant/Rave] Just saw an “ED” stereotype on r/fasting
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [27F | 5'5" | CW 122 | GW 105 ]
Created: Sun Apr 22 21:20:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e8hpa/just_saw_an_ed_stereotype_on_rfasting/
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I just saw a post on r/ fasting where someone un-ironically said “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!” (To help someone stay strong while fasting)
Why is it okay for other people to say this kind of stuff in a fasting sub and nobody thinks twice, but when it’s in said in any other situation (...our situation) it’s like MPA ED ED ED !!!?!?!
Sigh. I just don’t understand. I don’t know if this made sense or if other people share my same irritation but I just had to get it out.
[Rant/Rave] My dad just had to point out I’ve gained a few pounds
/u/HundredPound
Created: Sun Apr 22 21:16:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e8gvw/my_dad_just_had_to_point_out_ive_gained_a_few/
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I just needed to tell someone that I am in pain. I’ve had an ed since the beginning of 2013 and over the past year I’ve been rather recovered. But that all changed tonight. I come to my parents on Sunday to eat. The first thing my dad does is start poking my tiny belly. He’s not thin nor works out mind you. He’s the most hypocritical person I’ve ever met. He just triggered me immediately and so hard and I feel it. I went straight to the couch and I just slept through dinner and refused to eat. It felt so good. I forget how good it felt. I’m leaving now. Im not going to eat. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Im going to be fucking skinny. I don’t need to eat.
[Discussion] ed song lyrics
/u/leschauvessouris [5'6 | 118]
Created: Sun Apr 22 21:05:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e8eoq/ed_song_lyrics/
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its not explicitly ed related but in one of guccihighwaters songs he says "fuck i think im losing myself again" in the most haunting voice and i just heard it while bingeing and it was pretty relatable tbh
what are ed song lyrics youve noticed?
[Discussion] i’m dizzy. i’m in pain
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Sun Apr 22 20:38:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e88rz/im_dizzy_im_in_pain/
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i was at a point a year ago where i was hospitalized. i was 10 pounds lighter than i am now. last year i fainted on my bathroom floor (it was an everyday thing but this time it was really bad) and i was lying there and my head was in pain. i’m in the same scenario right now except 10 pounds heavier. i cant fucking see or keep my head up.. but this makes me happy bc it means i’m skinny. there’s a thrill about this disorder that no drug will give u. you’re walking on the thinnest ice and it makes me really happy. i just want people to say they feel the same way (if they do)
[Discussion] DAE use "signs" not to eat? Just burnt two bagel halves in a row. I'm clearly not meant to eat a bagel tonight.
/u/variousnecessities7 [5'4" F|CW 136|SW 145]
Created: Sun Apr 22 20:33:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e87ry/dae_use_signs_not_to_eat_just_burnt_two_bagel/
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The title says it all.
This mental illness is a fuck. I just want to eat food. I'm drunk and need something to soak it up. But now, I can't eat. Are there more bagels? Yeah I could try again. But two burnt bagel halves in a row are pretty clear that I should fuck the fuck off.
[Rant/Rave] So depressed I can't eat
/u/Bleepbloopbroke [65|CW 114.4|GW 95|UGW 84|19.26|]
Created: Sun Apr 22 20:21:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e85et/so_depressed_i_cant_eat/
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At least something good is coming out of this lol
[Rant/Rave] I hate being fat with an eating disorder.
/u/MsRealLoser
Created: Sun Apr 22 20:10:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e82xm/i_hate_being_fat_with_an_eating_disorder/
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"Only skinny people have eating disorders" "how can someone that fat have an eating disorder?"
I've had BED since I was FIVE. This demon has followed me my entire life. I have never, ever been able to get rid of it. It's tied to me by lock and chain. I hate my body. I hate being fat. I hate not being taken seriously when talking about my eating disorder. All I want is to be fucking thin and beautiful.
Fuck my brain.
[Intro] First time posting, used to lurk constantly. Gained 52lbs in the last 9 months :(
/u/SkinnyAgain259 [Height 5’7” | CW 160lbs | BMI 25.2 | Gender F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 19:57:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7zzl/first_time_posting_used_to_lurk_constantly_gained/
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I feel so gross. I’ve been trying to tell myself it’s not that bad but I caught myself in the mirror yesterday and I definitely look grossly overweight.
I always used to hover around 130lbs and was pretty content with that. I gained weight while with an ex and my little health kick in March 2016 spiralled out of control and by June 2016 I was at my skinniest at 5’7” and 108lbs. 105lbs was my UGW
It was more control for me, my life was shit but at least I had losing weight to look forward too. I started restricting more and more. I was looking forward to wearing clothes I’d always wanted to but that never happened because my self image just got worse lol. While I still hated what I looked like at least I wasn’t lugging myself around though.
This past year I have just gradually gained more weight, I no longer care and just eat until I physically can’t hold anymore down. My life got a little less stressful and I didn’t have the stress to make me seek control I guess.
It sucks, I feel so gross. None of my clothes fit me anymore, things that used to be baggy around my hips won’t even go over my thighs. I refuse to buy new ones though.
I can’t even restrict for a full day anymore. Everyday is tomorrow I’ll do it. The thought of opening MFP gives me so much anxiety. I don’t want to accept what I am right now :(
People treat me worse now, they’re colder. Also no one warns you about how uncomfortable it is to have so much fat on you, it’s so much more difficult to just bend over. I have brand new stretch marks all over my ass and thighs.
It’s like the switch won’t flick in my head, I can say I’m gonna do it but I know I’m not. At least restricting gave me something to look forward to. I don’t know why it feels so difficult to get back to it.
I’m a 160lbs now and the amount of weight I have to lose is a lot more, and it’s so much more daunting.
[Discussion] Anyone watch Shut-ins: Britain’s Fattest People on Netflix?
/u/coconutbusiness
Created: Sun Apr 22 19:56:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7zrb/anyone_watch_shutins_britains_fattest_people_on/
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Think I’m about to watch it and looking for any other recommendations!
I’m on a binge cycle and really need to scare myself out of it somehow.
Distracting self from sad things with ED?
/u/ABlueSongbird
Created: Sun Apr 22 19:53:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7z60/distracting_self_from_sad_things_with_ed/
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My grandfather died this week. Causing me to go into severe restricting which leads to severe binging. I miss him a lot. It’s just easier to focus and obsess on food than things you can’t control. EDs are really good distractions.
Anyone else?
[Discussion] People who smoke weed, how do you deal with the munchies?
/u/DamnPolygalaceae
Created: Sun Apr 22 19:24:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7t1m/people_who_smoke_weed_how_do_you_deal_with_the/
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Probably I really silly question but I’m fine all day up until I’ve finished work and get high. I’m not even ‘hungry’ but I just want to stuff my face with absolutely anything and everything. Is there any way I can control these urges? Other than not smoking weed?
[Rant/Rave] I think I'm a Wannarexic: A Confession
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 85lbs | 16ish | -?lbs | f]
Created: Sun Apr 22 19:11:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7qbp/i_think_im_a_wannarexic_a_confession/
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"I have an eating disorder."
It's something I've said a lot.
It's something I define myself with- a major facet of my identity.
I obsess over the size of my body and how I present it. I revel in my self-induced fragility and the attention it gains me- the sideways glances, the concern, the jokes, and the like.
I've never been at a healthy weight. I went from a skinny middle schooler to a skinnier high schooler.
It's seen me hospitalized multiple times.
But it all goes back to one shitty decision.
I'd always been obsessed with thinnness. Not the normal, socially-encouraged type of skinny. Not skinny like a model. Sick-skinny.
I fantasized for years about growing up and starting a diet.
I learned about purging and thought it was the coolest life hack ever.
And then, one day, when I was twelve years old, i finally decided to commit to it.
If you can dream it, you can be it, right? 🙄
I'd been trying for weeks, unsuccessfully, to fast. I'd make it all day and then i'd binge in the evenings.
But that day, it was different.
I'd been "bad" and had some leftover chinese for lunch whilst mindlessly pawing through early 2000s eating disorder recovery youtube videos just so i could look at the before pictures.
Something just clicked.
I just thought "if other people can make themselves throw up, so can I."
And so I did.
Within two years I was hospitalized for the first time at 67lbs.
They didn't know if I was gonna make it. There was talk of all sorts of scary things i gleaned through closed doors and hushed whispers. No one wanted to talk about me *to* me.
It was while i was an inpatient that I realized how truly odd I was.
Things like the notion of not deserving to eat, of depending on it for a sense of control, of denying oneself ice cream and cakes and all the best things in life were so foreign to me. I'd assumed, incorrectly, that it was as cut and dry for everyone else as well- a desire to be thin.
In time, i learned to play the game. I recited to the psychiatrists and therapists everything i'd learned was the "right" way to have an eating disorder. I abandoned the story, the truth, about how i'd simply decided one day that i was going to have an eating disorder and how I just can't be happy unless my stomach is flat. I'm just shallow to a potentially fatal extent.
I told lies about how i was bullied in school. I made up answers for every question they asked me, telling them what they wanted to hear and eating what they wanted me to eat until I was released, ten pounds heavier, when my father's insurance would no longer cover it.
As soon as I was out, I immediately began starving and binging purging again.
I spent years talking to therapists who couldn't help me about thoughts I didn't have, all the while wondering what the fuck is wrong with my head for me to place an aesthetic over my health.
That's how I spent my freshman year in high school, too sick to go to school and pretending to do homeschool, absorbed in my own abnormality.
Now, as a senior, i'm only five pounds heavier (and two inches taller) and flunking out of school, because I'm just broken in a way nobody has yet figured out how to fix.
I've missed so many moments because of this habit, from being too tired to go out or too upset about a little bloating to show my face in public.
I'm constantly exhausted. I'm constantly thinking about eating and not eating and where I can find a place to purge.
I built my whole identity around a disease, and now i question whether I have it at all.
Can you really choose to be sick?
The overwhelming answer seems to be no.
And if i'm not sick, the what the hell am i?
[Rant/Rave] I am freaking the hell out.....
/u/CurlyHairPandaBear
Created: Sun Apr 22 19:10:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7q0g/i_am_freaking_the_hell_out/
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I'm really really really working on dropping all of this disgusting weight...
Yesterday I was down to 153.0. 4lbs in 4 days. Super happy with that.
Well, this morning I was back up to 153.8 and just now I was at the 155.2.
The past couple days I've been doing more rigorous workout and my Net calories HAS to be negative; ideally by -100 or more. I'm also only eat a few hundred calories. Before the exercise I was at <250cal a day. Today was my highest at 547 (good grief I'm definitely cutting back tomorrow regardless of amount of exercise) and exercise burned 686 so far.
But I'm just really panicking and try to make sense of being up more than 2 lbs since yesterday and 1.5 today alone. I did eat a little bit ago, but truly hardly anything. And I drank several ounces of water just before stepping on the scale but I can't stop worrying. There's no reason I should be up that much.
[Rant/Rave] I'm the most successful wannarexic ever: a confession
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 22 19:10:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7pyr/im_the_most_successful_wannarexic_ever_a/
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[deleted]
[Help] Passive aggressive friends?
/u/NoMindNeverMatter
Created: Sun Apr 22 19:10:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7pyn/passive_aggressive_friends/
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Have any of your friends been passive aggressive about your weight loss? All of my friends are overweight and are constantly telling me I look terrible now that I’ve lost 50 lbs. I’m at a 22.9 BMI so I don’t even look thin, just average sized. What gives? How do I handle this without blowing up at them?
[Other] The Kindness of Strangers
/u/kvikerdragen [5'6.5" | 22F | CW 116? | GW 111 | HW 182]
Created: Sun Apr 22 19:05:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7ozw/the_kindness_of_strangers/
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Today at work, a lady paused after completing her order and asked if she could touch me. I tentatively said yes, then she held my wrists and looked at me, saying that I'm beautiful and perfect.
Presumably she saw the scarificarion tattoo on my left arm and assumed it was self-harm (Which to be fair is all over my right arm, just more faint, so she wasn't wrong). But regardless of her reasoning, it really stunned me and continues to resonate in my mind.
I'd read stories like this before on Tumblr, and I've seen a few people with self-harm scars that I've had the urge to do something similar to (Although ultimately was too anxious) but I never thought it would happen to me.
I wish I had been able to apply what she said to my eating, although I ended up going home and binging for unrelated reasons anyway.
But either way I really hope all of you know you're all beautiful and perfect too, and I hope that strangers show you the same kindness I was shown today.
[Discussion] Does restricting make anyone else crabby af?
/u/idk56177
Created: Sun Apr 22 18:55:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7mvv/does_restricting_make_anyone_else_crabby_af/
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Idk if I have blood sugar issues or what but restricting makes me sooo crabby. Is there any supplements or anything to help with this?
If I stopped restricting, I guarantee I'd become obese in less than a year.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 90 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 18:49:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7ln3/if_i_stopped_restricting_i_guarantee_id_become/
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When I had something resembling an identity crisis a year and a half ago and decided to live as sumptuously as possible, I would eat food I didn't even like just to get the satisfaction of a full stomach before I gorged on my actual meal. My lengthy drive home was spent fantasizing about food after a massive lunch. I ate a pint of gelato for breakfast. I'd regularly eat so much I couldn't move. I remember evening after evening of sprawling in bed catatonic, too lethargic and queasy to think straight. I'm convinced my routine wasn't an act of self-punishment disguised as indulgence, it was me allowing myself to eat freely. I've never maintained a normal weight, just underweight or overweight. Even as a child, I'd secretly cry in my room if there was no dessert or intentionally bolt down my food at the dinner table so I could associate the humiliation of my family's scolding with eating. Sick is my normal.
[Rant/Rave] zoloft
/u/CepheidVox [5'4 | CW:173 | GW:120 | -27lbs | F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 18:38:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7j5r/zoloft/
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I was in recovery and at a healthy weight a few years after being in hospital. Then I was on Zoloft for 5 years and I gained 75lbs. It was partially due to the medication's effect on weight but mostly because of the anhedonia and general loss of urgency in my life that it caused. On one hand, it was good to lower my anxiety but on the other, it took away my ability to give any shits at all.
I've been off since January, and I care about my life and my weight again. I can't believe I got up to 200lbs. It feels like it's going to take me forever to get back to my goal. I'm ashamed and embarrassed.
[Discussion] residential
/u/kennedyconnolly8
Created: Sun Apr 22 18:37:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7j3j/residential/
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so. i have been on this sub in the past and was very active at one point. got a new reddit.
i have been dealing with anorexia for 5 years now. i recently have turned 18 and college is just around the corner. i am going to be running for a division one university. i weigh about 15 pounds less than i did at this time last year (5’9, 120lbs). my periods are gone obviously. my heart rate resting is around 37-40. i am a well trained athlete, so i’m wondering if this is okay. i’m also orthostatic (heart rate goes up about 25-30bpm from sitting to standing).
i have been pulled from running. i am losing my mind not being able to exercise. i know i need to get better. the question is if i should go to residential treatment (specifically monte nido).
am i thin enough to seek residential treatment? i am barely sick (at least physically). i am terrified they will make me gain weight when i am not super underweight. i also will be missing out on the end of senior year and i don’t know how long i’ll be in treatment.
in addition, i don’t know what i will tell my college coach. it’s a very serious, very good program.
overall i am terrified to gain weight and don’t know what to do.
thanks for reading this far and thanks for having me back in the community.
[Discussion] DAE use tasteless fiber powder in their water to curb hunger?
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Sun Apr 22 18:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7emo/dae_use_tasteless_fiber_powder_in_their_water_to/
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I recently found some cvs brand fiber powder for my water and it seems like a win win in my head but has anyone used similar and what were the effects? I’m not looking for a laxative I just want my stomach to stfu
[Rant/Rave] I miss having a lean face.. Any tips to reduce puffiness in this area especially?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 22 18:12:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e7drb/i_miss_having_a_lean_face_any_tips_to_reduce/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] You know you have to start restricting again
/u/Klaustein7
Created: Sun Apr 22 17:54:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e79u7/you_know_you_have_to_start_restricting_again/
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[removed]
[Help] How to reduce bloating after a b/p session!!
/u/yayokittenxo
Created: Sun Apr 22 17:54:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e79s6/how_to_reduce_bloating_after_a_bp_session/
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Does anyone know how to reduce bloating after a b/p day?? I wanna wear this really cute tie top to school for the first day back with some jeans. I'm scared i'll look chubby to my peers and crush.. I only "gained" 1lb which is probably food weight but i'm still very anxious about. Maybe i should just go in a hoodie until the bloating stops..
Also please don't report this, i'm not asking for weightloss tips just simply on how to reduce bloating after a binge !!
[Discussion] Does anyone have an tips on managing anxiety?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 22 17:46:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e784h/does_anyone_have_an_tips_on_managing_anxiety/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Confession: as the people in my social cycle get older, everybody’s getting fatter and I’m the only one getting thinner. I feel bad from being so judgmental, yet I get such a guilty pleasure from it.
/u/troubled_ghost
Created: Sun Apr 22 17:24:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e736o/confession_as_the_people_in_my_social_cycle_get/
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[removed]
[Help] Alternatives to EC stacking?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: 155.2 | -39.8]
Created: Sun Apr 22 16:50:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e6vql/alternatives_to_ec_stacking/
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[removed]
[Help] Peach online, how to??
/u/Firerose157 [5'4" | CW: ~118 | HW: 146 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 16:41:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e6tit/peach_online_how_to/
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Using peach online, don't see any way to add gifs or any of the fun extras like on mobile. Figured I'd ask if any of you guys know, thanks!
[Rant/Rave] Not a happy ending story
/u/ulitko
Created: Sun Apr 22 16:38:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e6sxc/not_a_happy_ending_story/
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Hello to ye all.
I have lurked here for the last 8 months.
Some stories made me cry, some gave me hope, some just ..made me think, yes I know, I've been theren did that, I know how you feel.
Mostly made me cry though, because fuck ED, it is a cruel master.
I gained 97 pounds. Yes, 97. Almost half of me. After having a child. In a space of 2 years. I do not know how to continiue with living at the moment.
I did and give up and did everything to be good to my child. I put on weight when I was pregnant (10 pounds when I was 7 months in, she still ended up premature at 7.5 months, and I felt so guilty I was ready to kill myself).
She is a a happy healthy 4 year old now.
I am a suicidal 200 pounds mess as of now. Depressed, bipolar, on meds. I go from 3 weeks of restricting to binging and purging. Back to self harm(somewhere inconspicious where my husband will not notice..). Not this sub material, just wanted to paint the whole picture.
I feel like if I can go back to my normal ED state I will be ok. In the same time I am terrified, I do not want to be admitted again.
And still..
I am trying to get back in my ED.
I admit I want it back. It was making me sick, but at least I was in control, I felt I was me, I loved the feeling of emptiness, I loved my wrist being so tiny his fingers overlaped on it.
I rejoined all of my pro ana forums and chats. I constanly checking all of the thinspiration posts and pics..I feel like I am going to go down deep into the rabbit hole and my inner sick self is deliriously happy.
Hunger high. 18 hours of it does something scarily amazing to brains.
I am sorry. I had to vent and this sub looked like a safe space with no judgement.
[Discussion] Naked and afraid
/u/mermaid_puppy [5'11" | 137lb | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 16:28:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e6qok/naked_and_afraid/
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Anyone watched this show? It's pretty entertaining, and also good thinspo. Not everyone on the show is thin, so it's interesting looking at different body types naked. Still, by the end of each episode the contestants have lost 15-35 pounds in 21 days, which makes me jealous. Also, one episode they were in cold terrain and the narrator said 15 minutes of shivering can burn as many calories as an hour in the gym. I googled that, and it looks like 15 minutes of shivering burns 100 calories! For real though, makes me want to go sit in a deep freezer. Here's the link. It's strangely addicting :)https://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/naked-and-afraid/
[Rant/Rave] I don't care if this is going to kill me someday
/u/alpakasundtacos
Created: Sun Apr 22 16:11:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e6n0a/i_dont_care_if_this_is_going_to_kill_me_someday/
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In fact I can't wait. I just want to be invisible, gone, Everything is falling apart and restricting is the only thing I can control.
This is my first real relapse and I can't believe I fell down the rabbit hole again after all this time, I can't believe that I just can't control my emotions better. I just want to feel numb and don't care - but I can't. I am a crying unlovable fat mess instead.
Sorry I just needed to tell anybody because none of my friends suspect anything ("oh yeah, I'm soooo nauseaus from allergy medicine m, I can't have lunch ...") and my boyfriend doesn't care anymore. Just needed a little rant.
[Rant/Rave] I Hate The Weekend
/u/undertheweather123
Created: Sun Apr 22 16:02:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e6kug/i_hate_the_weekend/
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I won’t get too specific about numbers because I don’t want to upset other people or anything, and I know for me personally seeing other people’s numbers (calorie counts, weight, etc) triggers me (not that that’s anybody else’s fault; I’m the one here continues to look).
So, during the week I am really strict about what I eat, and stay within the calorie range that I set for myself for that week. However, I am horrible during the weekends. Either I’m out with friends, visiting family, or have locked myself inside my house, and all those situations lead to not just eating a little bit over my goals, but waayyyyy over my goals. I eat low enough during the week that I’m still losing weight, but I feel like I could be losing more faster if I got weekends under control. Not only that, but I feel so horribly ugly during the weekends and on the following Monday after that the food I’m binging on isn’t even worth it (and yet I still do it :(). I used to purge, but due to some health issues am trying to stop, and since I’m mostly with other people/at other people’s houses during the weekend I can’t C/S.
This is mostly a rant cause I need to vent, but if anyone else’s experiences this or has experienced it and has fixed it, I’d love to hear your story.
My goal is not to eat like how I do during the week on Sat-Sun because frankly, in my situation, that’s not too realistic. My goal is to eat like a normal person during the weekends like 1300 cals max.
I really want to fix this so I don’t have to feel horrible every Sat-Mon anymore, I usually skip school/work if I have it on Mondays because I feel so fat. My weekend binges are infringing on my life!
[Discussion] Hi! What are yall guys favourite online shops to shop at?
/u/bashytr0n [5'2" | 44kg/97lbs | 18.52 | GW 42kg/92lbs]
Created: Sun Apr 22 15:24:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e6bxk/hi_what_are_yall_guys_favourite_online_shops_to/
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It would be interesting to see how different everyones tastes can be. Are there any "types" of clothes youll always buy lots of, or anything you hate? What are the best sites for little sizes?
[Help] Is 23 ‘too old’ to develop an ED?
/u/fartforfun [Height 167cm | CW 148lb | Weight Lost 3lb]
Created: Sun Apr 22 15:23:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e6bqr/is_23_too_old_to_develop_an_ed/
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[removed]
[Discussion] DEA feel like it's easy to restrict in the morning, but as soon as you eat one thing, you can't stop?
/u/twelve_dollars
Created: Sun Apr 22 15:15:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e69vl/dea_feel_like_its_easy_to_restrict_in_the_morning/
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I try really hard to wait as long as I can before I eat, because as soon as I break a fast, it's like I just continue eating.
[Rant/Rave] Today’s Internal Dilemma ™: am I a psycho gf or is it him?
/u/Lollipopfiend
Created: Sun Apr 22 15:07:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e67yf/todays_internal_dilemma_am_i_a_psycho_gf_or_is_it/
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Hey y’all,
Throwaway account + on mobile (and a generous helping of shitty whiskey) - so apologies for any errors. I’m 18F, and TooDamnFat.
To cut to the chase, my boyfriend + I were just chilling with a couple of our mates when they asked him to rate me. (You can imagine the klaxon-like alarm bells from my insecurities lmao). My score? 4/10. I mean, a bitch knows she ain’t no model but - ouch?
I’ve not really said anything to him about this; he’s totally in the know about The Unmentionable Thing (my bulimia) though. And boi I’ve spent enough nights crying to him about whatever-the-fuck for him to have an inkling of my self esteem issues. DAE get wrapped around in this cycle of ‘he needs to know what he’s said is wrong’ and then the ED-logic kicks in and it’s like ‘uh-uh you’re the problem here, sweetie’? The logical solution to this whole thing would be to talk to him, but I’m heckin salty right now and I’d rather just yell my issues at you lot. TL;DR - If I can’t be pretty I can at least get skinny
[Discussion] What ED things do you NOT do that make you feel like a fake?
/u/peridoti [5'0 | 130 lb | F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 14:44:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e62gj/what_ed_things_do_you_not_do_that_make_you_feel/
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I don't count vitamin calories or medicine in general
I use creamer, freaking LOVE creamer
I weigh myself even if I'm still wet from a shower
I don't body check because I just avoid all mirrors
I'm attracted to thicc people
yesterday I had chili flake chocolate
...so obviously I don't have an ED.
[Discussion] Burping?
/u/monstersona
Created: Sun Apr 22 14:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e60f9/burping/
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Hey does anyone else heavily restricting find that they burp....a lot? If I eat the smallest thing I'm burping, if I chew gum I'm burping...it's really weirding me out because I don't normally burp this much.
[Rant/Rave] I just tried diet Sunkist for the first time and now I need a life time supply.
/u/Thynnmintz [5'10''| CW 263.2 |-21.8 lbs |GW 154| 25 ]
Created: Sun Apr 22 13:46:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e5o69/i_just_tried_diet_sunkist_for_the_first_time_and/
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I originally bought them as fillers for when I run out of Sparkling Ice drinks for the week and omg! Barely any after taste. AND it tastes just like orange soda!
WHY HAS NO ONE MENTIONED THIS AWESOMENESS??
[Rant/Rave] Getting teased by people who don’t know really sucks
/u/sadladthrowaway69
Created: Sun Apr 22 13:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e5mp1/getting_teased_by_people_who_dont_know_really/
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Earlier today I had to catch a flight, and the event organiser accidentally got us to the airport a little late and we had to run up an escalator. I’ve been eating ~400-500cals a day for the past 4 days and I somehow didn’t lift my foot high enough to get over the next step and fell hard on one knee onto the edge with the sharp bits of metal. Broke the skin through my jeans (without hurting the jeans) and left so much bruising. My family won’t stop teasing me for being clumsy but it’s really because my body just couldn’t do it. I feel bad about it but I also went down a belt hole in like 2 days so the sacrifice might not be so bad
[Rant/Rave] Ah, the Honesty of Kids. FML.
/u/UnderseaK [5'7 | cw: 150lbs | bmi:23.4 | gw: 110lbs]
Created: Sun Apr 22 13:39:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e5md7/ah_the_honesty_of_kids_fml/
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I love kids, I am a mama and a foster mama and a teacher, but man, those little munchkins can be triggering sometimes.
My DH and I lead a Sunday school class for 5-6 year olds at our church, and we've been leading the same one for 6 years now. Today, I got the privilege of seeing one of our kiddos who aged out of our class and moved up two years ago. Sweetest little kid on the planet and cute as a button. She ran up to me shouting "Ms UnderseaK!" and gave me an enormous hug.
BUT as soon as she pulled away from the hug, she goes "Ms UnderseaK, you lost weight." Fuck. I never know what to say to that. I don't talk diets or weight or anything with any of my kids. So I just said "Yeah, a little", and tried to sound like it was completely neutral.
Then she hits me with, "You look better! You were fat Fat FAAAAAATTT before!"
Ouch.
She's not wrong, of course. I've literally lost 100lbs in the past two years. The last time she saw me, I was 250lbs, which is fat.
But oh, it hurt. And triggered. I just want to never eat again, which I suppose at the moment is a good thing. I've binged three out of six days this week. I don't know if I've actually gained because it's shark week and I'm bloated as fuck....but waking up to 155lbs on the scale and then having a seven year old remind me how fat I was.....
Sorry for the novel of a post. I'm just done todaying now.
[Rant/Rave] DAE crave intimacy but then feel like they don't deserve it?
/u/worthitnotworthit [5'7" | CW: 150 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 13:21:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e5i4e/dae_crave_intimacy_but_then_feel_like_they_dont/
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I feel so hollow. I fucked up so badly. I relapsed into my restrictive habits two weeks ago and I am so close to a binge right now - 740 calories today. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.
I just slept with a very close friend of mine. I'll call him B. I was very drunk, I know I shouldn't have let it happen, and now he's so embarrassed to have done it. I know I'm not his type - I've met the other girls he got with, I've seen how thin and gorgeous they are. I don't even have feelings for him, really, except that I'm despondent now that our friendship is so utterly destroyed by his shame over having sex with me. He won't look me in the eye, won't speak to me, our texts are so utterly stilted that I know he just wants me to leave him alone.
I know I fucked up big time. The truth is, I so desperately want to be loved, to be given physical affection, to be *wanted*. It feels like I'm losing all of my friends over this shit. I broke up with my last boyfriend, X, over the New Year, and while we're now very close friends it kills me that we broke up only a few days after having sex for the first time -- like he was so disgusted by my body that he couldn't bear to stay with me. He has a tiny girlfriend now and they are so affectionate and so open about their active sex life, that it hurts to be around them. I told my best friend, K, how I felt about him a month ago, and although he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship, I found out two weeks ago that he's been seeing another girl, a very thin and gorgeous one, and I just can't be around him right now. I know it's unreasonable - he has no idea why I've suddenly taken such an enormous step backwards, stopped speaking to him, stopped replying to his messages - but I'm so resentful and tired and empty-feeling right now.
I so craved affection from him. I still do. I'm going to drive him away, that is so certain, but I don't know how to stop. No wonder he doesn't want to be with me, when I treat him like this. I wouldn't want him to ever be with someone as bitter as I am.
Maybe if it was only one thing I'd be okay, but it's everything piling together at once and I'm just so exhausted of hurting all the time. Especially in the summer time, when everyone is looking so perfect and slender in sundresses and tiny skirts.... it fucking hurts. My friends are worrying about me. I've got drunk out of my mind every night since I came back to college, mainly because I'm not eating during the day, and then I spend the days avoiding B and K, which also means avoiding most of the rest of my friends. I'm roommates with K and X next year, I have classes and labs with B for the rest of my degree, and I'm just so tired of hurting the people I care about, driving them away and disgusting them. I'm so angry at them, but I'm angry at myself for feeling that way. I just don't know what to do.
Please tell me I'm not alone in this. Please tell me things are going to get better. I'm losing weight, but not quick enough, and I'm so moody and hollow all the time.
Do i need recovery or am i just looking for excuses to binge?
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Sun Apr 22 12:56:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e5btw/do_i_need_recovery_or_am_i_just_looking_for/
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So little background. In september i started to lose weight. I was 200 lbs at the time and really got in to fasting and keto. Lost weight like crazy, down to 160 in December. Now i have been maintaining for 3 months but I just can't take it anymore. I'm still cold all the time, my testosterone is borderline low, i live on caffeine and have tracked every calorie for months and months on end. I'm isolating myself more and more and constantly get these jealous thoughts towards my friends who don't have to restrict their calories or have to worry about calories. I constantly body check myself and constantly think about food, calories. It's getting to the point where I'm constantly thinking about how I'm going to maintain my weight loss in the future. I go to the gym even when I'm tired. I sleep like 4 hours a night. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm meeting a ed specialist soon.
[Rant/Rave] If i'm going to have an eating disorder why can't i at least have the one that used to get me visible results???!?!
/u/rocksnowls
Created: Sun Apr 22 12:42:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e58ez/if_im_going_to_have_an_eating_disorder_why_cant_i/
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I am screaming inside. Nothing stresses me out more than the current state of my body. I'm slowly filling out; my thighs are getting closer, my arms are jiggling, my tummy and back bulge a bit more than they once did... and the whole time it's happening my brain will literally (& that's not a hyperbole) be screaming. My thoughts turn into a long frustrated string of "I HAAAAAAAAAAAATE MYSEEEEEEEELF". It's completely compulsive--i'll hear a sink faucet tapping out the syllables "i-hate-my-self-i-hate-my-self" or a ticking clocking or the footsteps of someone walking by...
No more than 4 years ago all i did was restrict. I was tiny. I was happy. I was on top of the world. I loved the satisfaction of not eating. Nowadays i'm frustrated by not eating but at the same time i LOATH myself to the point of wanting to die every time i consume more than 100 calories in a sitting. I'm gaining weight and I don't even need a scale to know for certain. I'm excited for the day my brain switches to restrictive eating again because what i have now is a hell worse than any other i'm dealing with (and I'm technically homeless atm so. Yeah. I wanna lose weight more than i want to not be homeless and that doesn't even seem unreasonable to me)
If recovery isn't possible in my near future, i want to at least be sick like i was in that way that actually resulted in my weightloss i wanna put myself in a straight jacket away from any and all calories pls and thank u
No I don’t have an ED why do you ask
/u/skinnyfuckup
Created: Sun Apr 22 11:54:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e4wkt/no_i_dont_have_an_ed_why_do_you_ask/
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https://i.redd.it/xo8fvv3r0it01.jpg
[Help] Journaling/daily “check in” apps?
/u/ohlookadoggo
Created: Sun Apr 22 11:51:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e4vtu/journalingdaily_check_in_apps/
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I’m looking for an app where I can pick emotions for the day, enter notes, etc. Basically a journal on my phone.
I have been bottling so much stuff inside and need to get it out somehow, but feel like such a burden. I have a paper journal but I can’t seem to keep up with it.
I type out rants/raves here and then erase or never post because I think I sound pathetic and annoying. Sometimes I type in my phone’s notepad but that has become kind of meh.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
[Goal] Hit size 0 today... :D
/u/Derpy_Purple
Created: Sun Apr 22 11:51:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e4vrj/hit_size_0_today_d/
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https://i.redd.it/32pvt3e80it01.jpg
[Tip] [Recovery Tip] For all my die hard calorie counters wanting to recover...
/u/deadpetz [5'11" | CW: 152.2 | 21.2 BMI | 112.8 Lbs Lost | Male]
Created: Sun Apr 22 11:48:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e4v83/recovery_tip_for_all_my_die_hard_calorie_counters/
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Hey guys,
currently seems like I'm finally nearing full recovery (for now) and i wanted to share a tip for you guys.
I used to count every single calorie that went inti my body & considered intuitive eating as bullshit. This constantly resulted in bingeing/purging/fasting cycles that were increasing in frequency & intensity. I finally decided "fuck calorie counting", but I didn't know where to start.
For the first week, the most important thing was that I STARTED EATING BREAKFAST. You would think that eating earlier in the day sucks because you have to eat less throughout the day; but when I started eating breakfast, I felt 100x better & had a lot less binge urges at night.
Also, I went from counting calories throughout the day to counting up my calories right before bed. I tried to eat intuitively to the best of my abilities, and made a food log without calorie count in my notes. When I counted them up at the end, I consistently was slightly under or at maintenance (1900-2000 for a 5'11" male).
This small thing ended up allowing me to trust my hunger & body signals, and when I weighed myself for the first time in 2 weeks, I actually was .5 pounds lower than when I started.
PM me or comment if you have any recovery questions for me! I'll be glad to help! :-)
EDIT: I stopped counting calories all together, even at night, after 1 week of that. I haven't binged or fasted yet, and that was 4 weeks ago!!
I just reached a size 0... :D
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 22 11:39:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e4sox/i_just_reached_a_size_0_d/
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https://i.redd.it/uqvz1lc2yht01.jpg
I was finally brave enough to weigh myself
/u/crochetyhooker [5'8" | CW 196.8 |GW 180|UGW 140]
Created: Sun Apr 22 11:33:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e4rib/i_was_finally_brave_enough_to_weigh_myself/
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I've spent nearly a week in the hospital with my mother while she recovered from a heart attack and a narrowly avoided stroke. I couldn't get away with not eating or sticking to safe foods. Did today it's confirmed. In the past 4 days I've put on 4lbs. I know I'm able to get back on track, it's just a disheartening blip.
[Rant/Rave] stress affecting food habits
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 22 11:02:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e4jnn/stress_affecting_food_habits/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] I just realized why I don't have a lot of friends and it all relates back to my weight
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: 155.2 | -39.8]
Created: Sun Apr 22 10:54:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e4hru/i_just_realized_why_i_dont_have_a_lot_of_friends/
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I always thought people avoided me because I'm fat and not worth talking to, so I took it into my own hands and began avoiding people on my own. I promised myself that if I reached a certain weight I would allow myself to go out and join clubs, accept invitations to parties, and do fun stuff. But then today I realized there's more to it than just not feeling accepted by others
I realized I prefer having guy friends, not because we have similar sense of humors or common interests, but because I can't be friends with girls who are thinner than me... which is a fuckton of girls. I have 4 high school friends that I still talk to and hang out with on occasion. 2 of them were the same weight as me (now they are heavier), 1 of them is way heavier than me, and the last girl is soooo small. I've always felt uneasy around her, never knew why, and I just realized it's because of her size. It all makes sense now. Out of our friend group, we were the closest at one point and now I talk to her the least.
All my girl friends since I entered college have been the same weight or chubbier than me. There's been a handful of girls who tried to be friends with me throughout college, but I tried my hardest to dodge every single invite they threw at me. I thought it was because I felt like we were too different to form meaningful friendships. But no, it's because they're thinner and deep down I knew I would feel really bad if I got closer to them. Literally last week, my roommate wanted to go somewhere with me and I made up some shit to get out of it. Why? Because she's fucking tiny and that intimidates me. With girls, there's always going to be comparisons. And honestly, they are probably sizing me up, too. I didn't notice it before, but there's always this fear that they want to be friends with me to make themselves look better. It's not even that irrational of a fear because IT HAPPENS A LOT. Token ugly/fat girls are a real thing. Girls are fucking savage
And so I tried really hard to find guy friends because I feel less intimidated by their bodies. But guys don't want to be just friends. They either want to fuck, have a relationship, or at the very least, a flirtationship. Once I make my intentions clear, that I just want to be regular friends, they fucking disappear.
And that is the story of how I met all my boyfriends and why I can count the number of friends I have on one hand
[Other] A confession
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 115 | 19.7 | meh | 26F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 10:38:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e4dvr/a_confession/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] I don’t want to go to Italy
/u/lowkeydeadinside [5'6" | cw: 125 | ugw: 98 | 17F | 🍑: starvingprincess]
Created: Sun Apr 22 10:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e4dso/i_dont_want_to_go_to_italy/
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because I am *so fucking fat*
I got an au pair job there for the summer, and I’m unbelievably excited but at the same time, I can’t stand the thought of being at the beach and being a whale. The family I’m working for is so lovely, but they were telling me they spend so much time at the beach and they’re always outside in the summer. I’ll have to wear shorts and tank tops and swimsuits and basically just show off to the world how disgusting I am. I have been trying so hard to lose weight but I just keep gaining because all I ever do is eat. It’s sick but I wish I’d never tried to recover from my restrictive ED as stayed underweight because it just turned into BED and now I’m almost overweight. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, I’m 30 pounds heavier than I would be comfortable with and I have less than 2 months before I leave.
I really wish my body would stop ruining things like this. I just want to be excited and not be dreading being seen. Why does my weight determine how I feel about everything?
[Discussion] Anyone else noticed in the uk that companies are slowly trying to transition people into drinking zero calorie drinks
/u/bepis_max
Created: Sun Apr 22 10:35:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e4d6p/anyone_else_noticed_in_the_uk_that_companies_are/
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I live in London right and since the start of April I’ve watched the sugar tax come in and it’s getting harder and more expensive to buy normal fat coke. Today I saw a Coke Zero peach or something and it was RED but zero Cals. They’re totally trying to transition and trick fat coke purists who refuse to drink zero cal stuff into consuming less calories and I for one am loving it
[Help] This subreddit triggered me and I don’t know what to do.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 22 10:08:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e46po/this_subreddit_triggered_me_and_i_dont_know_what/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] "You're so skinny! Are you okay?"
/u/lollemons [5'6 | CW 106 | 17.18 | -20 lb | F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 09:59:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e44e8/youre_so_skinny_are_you_okay/
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So I'm currently on medical leave from college due to depression. I went to my school this weekend for an event and saw a ton of my school friends. I really didn't think I looked that different since losing about 20 pounds in the past month or two, but almost everyone commented on my weight. One of my friends even asked if I had an eating disorder... On one hand, I'm happy that I look so small it's noticeable and even concerning. Yet on the other I'm just thinking I've gone way too far. I don't want people to be worried about my health. I just want to be skinny and pretty.
Also my ex was at this event and posted a lot of pictures with hearts of him and his date. Excuse me while a spiral into a deeply depressed state for a good month :)))
[Rant/Rave] Spite eating
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 22 09:48:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e41vs/spite_eating/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] April 22nd, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [27F | 5'5" | CW 122 | GW 105 ]
Created: Sun Apr 22 09:48:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e41rz/april_22nd_2018_question_of_the_day/
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What do you wish you could stop from happening?
[Discussion] DAE need MORE sleep?
/u/TheCuntInTheRye [5'7"M| 19 | CW:131.2 | -19.6lbs]
Created: Sun Apr 22 09:28:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e3xbf/dae_need_more_sleep/
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I was searching the sub and I couldn’t find anything on this. Sometimes it’s hard to fall asleep, yeah, but when I do, I could easily sleep for 10+ hours.
TIFU by having breakfast, purging it and them proceeding to have coffee and a cigar...
/u/DieNecrodancerKatze
Created: Sun Apr 22 08:29:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e3kay/tifu_by_having_breakfast_purging_it_and_them/
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Title says it all, it's also my mom's birthday celebration diner tonight and I feel like garbage...😾
[Rant/Rave] My new meds make me nauseous and suppress my appetite
/u/throwaway254411
Created: Sun Apr 22 08:14:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e3h66/my_new_meds_make_me_nauseous_and_suppress_my/
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A normal person would be concerned, but not me. I'm actually happy that I can finally stop binging and go back to restricting. The weird thing is that I heard that some people actually are hungrier on said meds, but I had to force myself to eat (had to hit my protein goal, y'know).
[Goal] It’s a new week 💕
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Sun Apr 22 08:11:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e3goq/its_a_new_week/
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Forget your post purge swollen cheeks and the fact that even though the scale went down after you’re last b/p you’re still freaking out because you could’ve lost more...
it’s a new week. Set your sights high and stay focused and driven. You can do anything you motherfucking want. Yesterday is in the past and all you have is today, a perfect chance not to fail, but to *succeed*
Yeah this is such cliche bullshit but there is zero point in worrying about the past. Do you this week. drink your water, keep your head down, you’ve got this bitch.
[Discussion] I want to be small, but more than that I think I just want to be young and carefree again.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 22 08:06:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e3fhf/i_want_to_be_small_but_more_than_that_i_think_i/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] DAE finish their day at 800 calories or so and add 200 or more calories to their day before going to bed "just to be safe"?
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 07:38:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e3a91/dae_finish_their_day_at_800_calories_or_so_and/
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Does anyone else do this or am I just really actually bonkers?
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 22, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 22 06:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e2v70/daily_food_diary_april_22_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for April 22, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 22 06:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e2v5x/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
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Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:
* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found
[Rant/Rave] It’s like this girl enjoys my self-loathing
/u/figglygiggly
Created: Sun Apr 22 06:08:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e2uq3/its_like_this_girl_enjoys_my_selfloathing/
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Background: I have this ‘friend’ (not really) who I can’t really stand. She’s selfish and basically uses me as an outlet for all her problems. I’m pretty sick of her shit but I pity her so I can’t cut her off.
Basically, she takes a picture of me as her Snapchat streak from time to time and whenever I see myself I physically recoil, and downplay it by saying ‘God, who lets me out of the house looking like that?’, ‘wow that’s so repulsive’ and etc. It started out as a joke, but this girl knows about my dysmorphia and other issues and it’s like when I say these things her eyes genuinely light up with happiness. It’s fucking sickening... if I ever say shit like that in front of my real friends they’ll always express some concern even if they laugh, but this girl genuinely gets off on me hating myself.
Cheers to being surrounded by shitty, selfish people!
[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Ended my not weighing myself challenge, spoilers: I gained.
/u/-mousey- [5'9 | BMI: 'healthy' | GW: changes | f (mtf)]
Created: Sun Apr 22 03:53:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e2c0c/rant_ended_my_not_weighing_myself_challenge/
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No. nononononoooo... I don't even understand. Fuck this fuck everything. This was meant to be me trying to control my anxiety and hate myself less.
I gained. I fucking gained.
I weighed all of my food, obsessively. I hit the gym hard, every single day. According to my tracker, my calories supposedly never exceeded 800. I eat one meal a day specifically so it's easy to track the cals and macros. Not exaggerating, I don't eat anything but chicken, fish, oats and vegetables. I know the macros of my safe foods inside and out.
But every article I'm reading is like "lol u just didn't count that snack" Bitch I'm counting the 6 calories in multivitamins and flipping spices. I know I sound fucking deluded and insane, like obviously I'm cheat eating cakes and chocolates, I obviously sneak a bit of oil or dressing onto my holier-than-thou veggie portions... But I don't. I wish I did or I wish I could remember doing it but I just don't.
I feel totally out of control and like a total failure. I can't even look at myself I'm so disgusted. This clearly isn't fucking water weight it's fucking fat weight. Kill me.
**Update:** Holy shit. False alarm people. False alarm. I reweighed myself again after getting ready for uni. Apparently you need to zero my shitty-ass scales when you take the battery out. I actually lost 1.7kg... In hindsight, the amount I had 'gained' was completely unrealistic for even a week of heavy overeating... But I'm a mess so I was totally down for believing it.
I can breath. Thank god. Thank you scale Jesus.
Summer is creeping up...and I’m housebound.
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 03:44:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e2arb/summer_is_creeping_upand_im_housebound/
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It’s getting WARM here. No clouds, totally blue sky, and I’m here trapped in my house for the 6th (?) day now.
I can’t wear what THEY’RE wearing. I want my big baggy jumpers. I can’t wear a skirt, I can’t shave my legs because I’m too scared to see my body in the shower.
I keep the curtains drawn so no one can see me. Living is miserable. I haven’t washed my hair in two weeks. What’s the point? Why clean yourself or leave the house if it just makes you even more miserable?
Idk, just wanted to rant and hear your troubles too. I’m so alone, this community always warms my heart.
[Discussion] Underweight, but almost perfect blood tests?
/u/billionsofatoms [5'4" | 115lb | LW: 97lb | GW: 90lb]
Created: Sun Apr 22 02:49:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e23y6/underweight_but_almost_perfect_blood_tests/
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I used to be around 16.8 BMI after restricting for quite long time (took me roughly 5mo to get there from 21) . This way I lost weight very slowly, but more "healthy" I guess. I'd mostly eat veggies and I'd take vitamin supplements every day to make up for missing micro nutrients. Every time I went for blood checks, everything was perfect except for my blood sugar levels over the past weeks (those were very low but how do you raise them without consuming sugary stuff?). I felt like it was such an achievement and I felt so healthy and good.
Months later after therapy, I'm at a healthy weight again so I have to start all over.
So now I'm here again, doing the same. But at least I'm doing it in the least damaging way, right? Anyone else?
[Other] Hide and Seek
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 02:00:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e1xni/hide_and_seek/
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https://i.redd.it/lafb9dzp2ft01.png
[Discussion] What is your low calorie Starbucks order?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Sun Apr 22 01:51:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e1wmb/what_is_your_low_calorie_starbucks_order/
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I need some ideas I just always get black coffee
But I want more ideas but I can not have soy milk,almond milk or coconut milk ( I hate soy and I’m allergic to almonds and coconut
Love you guys:)
[Rant/Rave] When someone tells you you've lost weight
/u/whatxever [5'2 | 135.8 | -16 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 01:43:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e1vlk/when_someone_tells_you_youve_lost_weight/
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My mom told me I've been losing weight and quickly. Not in a congratulatory way or an accusatory way, more just an observation followed by a "stay safe." She doesn't really know I have an ED I'd say, but I think she knows deep down and avoids discussing it lol. It's also been a loooong time since I was legitimately skinny - not that ED behavior is only bad when you're underweight or close to underweight, but for people without one it can seem that way.
Anyways, I know some people hate these kinds of comments, but I love them. They motivate me even more. I liken it to a stranger offering me a light on an empty street (yanno, ~that~ cliche) and I take out a blunt and lean in close as they ignite the flame. In this bizarre metaphor - particularly because I have never genuinely gotten high - I am the rolling paper, my ED is the weed, and the flame of the stranger's lighter is "you've lost weight." I get as much of a high off of it as I do off of restricting and losing the weight itself. It's weird and sometimes I feel guilty for wanting people to notice when I'm certainly not doing it for anyone else but myself (and my fucked up brain) in the first place, but ... idk. It's nice to be complimented, even if it wasn't intended to be a compliment, on what is actually pretty fucking hard to do.
[Discussion] Are people with EDs meant to be alone
/u/carolineeo [5'7" | 115 | 18 | 22F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 00:21:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e1kqo/are_people_with_eds_meant_to_be_alone/
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Been living with the boyfriend for a couple months now and hoo boy. Apparently my eating disorder is making HIM feel bad and idk. Am I meant to be/live alone so I can live my disordered life in peace??
[Help] Physical ways to cope with anxiety?
/u/papsandwiles [5"4 | 115 | 19.7 | 20F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 00:14:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e1jly/physical_ways_to_cope_with_anxiety/
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Whenever I feel anxious, I overeat as a way of coping with my nerves. ALWAYS carbs too, if I eat another baby carrot I will explode. I've found that chewing gum helps, but I only let myself eat three pieces a day. And coffee helps, but I only drink one a day. Does anyone have any tricks to stop using food as a way of coping with anxiety?
[Help] Best logging app? What's the most accurate?
/u/Reesesaremyweakness [5'2| CW134 | GW100 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 22 00:11:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e1jad/best_logging_app_whats_the_most_accurate/
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Hi everyone, I started with MFO but I've slowly moved to just using lose it. So far I like it way more but I'm wondering if there's better choices out there? What's the most accurate/what do you use? Thanks! I'm really trying to be as accurate as possible and I'm getting slightly stressed rip
[Rant/Rave] Whenever I’m drunk I feel like I can conquer anything.
/u/vitalogy95 [5'5" | CW: 155 | BMI: 25.79 | GW: 115 | HW: 176]
Created: Sun Apr 22 00:07:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e1in2/whenever_im_drunk_i_feel_like_i_can_conquer/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] I don’t enjoy cooking anymore
/u/ricerollers [5'4 | Obese | -30 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 22:53:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e16zr/i_dont_enjoy_cooking_anymore/
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I used to love cooking. I’d make up new recipes or spice up a recipe i found online. I’d have lunch ready for my husband every day and I took pride in providing a meal for him.
Now I don’t even want to look at food, and it’s reeeeally hard to cook, even if the food isn’t for me.
My husband hasn’t said anything, but I can tell he’s disappointed most days when he comes home and there isn’t food on the stove. And it’s not like he expects it, per se, it’s just something nice I started doing for him and just kinda stopped doing.
I feel bad that my ED is starting to affect someone other than me.
[Discussion] I'm starting to realize I have no idea how big I actually am
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 21:57:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e0xo1/im_starting_to_realize_i_have_no_idea_how_big_i/
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I've always felt like I have a realistic vision of myself despite my ED, but lately there's been a lot of evidence pointing the other direction.
Like, I have a coworker who I figured I was around the same size as, only to find out I wear shirt and pants sizes way smaller than hers. I see small spaces that I think I could never fit into but I get through with little to no problem. Maybe it's because I used to be pretty fat, but I just feel huge even though I can't possibly be.
It's so confusing.
[Rant/Rave] Depressed/tired because haven’t eaten properly but scared of food...life’s big conundrums
/u/vuuv95 [5'4 | CW: 108 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 21:47:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e0w0j/depressedtired_because_havent_eaten_properly_but/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Got compared to my dad's bigger coworker because we look 'like doppelgangers!!!'
/u/sunaflare
Created: Sat Apr 21 21:32:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e0tdm/got_compared_to_my_dads_bigger_coworker_because/
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First off, I'm not thin, not skinny, not even close but this girl is like twice or three times my size and the only thing we have in common is a roundish face and glasses but everyone says, "YOU LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE!!! OMG!!!!"
I woke up feeling great, looking good in leggings only to have all my self esteem crushed when I saw her. I got so triggered, I wanted to cry and throw up, I'm not that big or maybe I am. I can't stop thinking about it now and that maybe they're right.
Maybe I am just as big as her and I view myself as skinnier than I am. Maybe I am just a huge whale and I've been deluding myself that I've gotten thinner because of fasting and stuff.
Sorry it's so long I just can't tell anyone else this without coming off as an asshole because she works for my dad and I'm just a bith. Sorry again.
[Rant/Rave] Ring doesn't fit
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 130 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 20 F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 21:13:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e0pxu/ring_doesnt_fit/
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So today I went out to dinner with my SO's family, trying to be social and friendly (read: have 'worked' the last few meetups so this one was mandatory)
And during dinner my MIL noticed that my ring didn't fit anymore. Just got it back from being resized. I had the initial sizing done when I was at about 140ish. I'm now down to under 130s and my ring. A size 5. Is loose and falls off occassionally.
Is it bad that I'm super stoked about this? And also low key worried because my SO already mentioned to her I have a "bad relationship with food" and now she has a radar out for my weight loss.
[Rant/Rave] Went to the ER because my puke was weird, turns out I have micro tears in my esophagus and my SO is being very unsympathetic
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 21 20:44:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e0kfv/went_to_the_er_because_my_puke_was_weird_turns/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] pedometers and tracking steps
/u/finnkat [5'3" | 94 lb | 19F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 20:32:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e0i1k/pedometers_and_tracking_steps/
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I've been looking at pedometers recently and was wondering what you guys use. I know a lot of people use apps but i can't have my phone on me at work (which is mainly where i want to use it) and I'm a bit unsure if i want to spend a bunch of money on a fitbit. Is a cheap one from walmart worth it or is it just better to go ahead and get a fitbit? What do you guys do?
[Help] How do you purge?
/u/WhiskiedRum
Created: Sat Apr 21 20:17:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e0f95/how_do_you_purge/
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[removed]
[Help] Feeling faint when moving/walking and nauseous after eating even a tiny bit
/u/dried_pineapple [4 '11 | Goal: 90 lbs | F 26]
Created: Sat Apr 21 20:04:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e0cn9/feeling_faint_when_movingwalking_and_nauseous/
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I threw up a ton the other night and once today after eating a few bites of leftover chipotle burrito bowl. I was at the grocery store and almost had to call an ambulance I was having chest pain and felt like I was gonna pass out. But once I got to the car and sat down I was better. Is this serious? Should I wait and see if its better tomorrow? I've been eating less than 500 calories the past 4 or 5 days...
[Rant/Rave] I’m such a piece of shit.
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Sat Apr 21 20:02:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e0cb4/im_such_a_piece_of_shit/
---
I’ve been restricting like crazy all week and today I binged. It was WAY less then a usual binge, I honestly probably just ate a couple hundred calories over my maintenance. But then I purged. I hadn’t Binged or purged in a week and was so proud of that. And I feel so shitty because the whole time I was telling Myself that it would be ok, I could just lie to my therapist about it. Like what?
And on top of that, all I feel now if RELIEF. and I feel like shit because I’ve relieved....
normally I would binge and purge like 3 more times but I’m not gonna do that. I get it’s progress but fuck.
I feel like I’m letting myself and my god send therapist so so much.
Fuck EDs
[Other] Tofu scramble with avocado toast 😍😍
/u/bokoblin-buddy
Created: Sat Apr 21 19:55:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e0avl/tofu_scramble_with_avocado_toast/
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https://i.redd.it/7odas1co9dt01.jpg
[Other] Made a “fitness” Insta account, or at least that’s what I was thinking it would be
/u/squishyskeleton [Height 5”5 | CW 52.3kg | BMI 19.1 | Weight Lost 20+kg | F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 19:41:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e08ar/made_a_fitness_insta_account_or_at_least_thats/
---
But I’m lying to myself. This isn’t an account to keep myself in check, document my gym experience, post workout selfies, it’s just a way for me to body check. Under the guise of a blue tinted VSCO theme, it’s me trying to make sure I stay thinner. But with my friends watching and following me, I have this weird accountability, I can’t get too sick or else they’ll notice. Maybe I want them to notice? I want them to reach out to me. I want to eat healthy, lift stronger, and do cardio without the fear of fainting. But I also want to get smaller, get thinner and I want to look sickly.
I don’t know what I’m doing. Or why I’m doing this. My account is: daydreamsatthegym if you want to check it out. I’d be happy to follow people from here too.
[Rant/Rave] Just want this to end...
/u/xoxoxox74
Created: Sat Apr 21 19:27:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e05iw/just_want_this_to_end/
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I’ve struggled with an ED for almost 12 years. The last 4 have been the hardest because I’m at a healthy weight and I feel terrible for being healthy... if that makes sense? I feel because now I look normal I shouldn’t feel this way, but I want to so badly continue with ED habits, I just hate food... my anxiety and depression has escalated a ton, I’m not used to feeling this suicidal, I’m just so done... I guess I’m wondering if anyone feels the same way or has felt this way. Is there a positive end? I want to fight this, but I’m so tired. :( it’s been a long journey.
[Rant/Rave] When someone offers you food
/u/piscesdreamer9
Created: Sat Apr 21 19:23:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e04sh/when_someone_offers_you_food/
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I've been volunteering in this place for community service hours for high school, and the lady always gives us a lunch break. I didn't eat and she came to me and she's like "go have lunch honey" .. well I didn't eat I just kind of smiled and I was like "okay I will" but I never did. Then later she offered us all rice pudding and she told me to go get some and I said that I'm fine. She also offers us candy and other snacks often. I'm thinking of just bringing 2 tangerines and water for lunch next time. It's just annoying because I could be eating something so much healthier than rice pudding for so many less calories. I hope she stops offering me food because it's embarrassing and I always feel so rude.
[Rant/Rave] After not seeing me aunt for a few months, she said I lost weight and looked good!
/u/EvenRainbowsScream [4'11 | SW:117| CW:106 | GW:85 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 19:00:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8e00i3/after_not_seeing_me_aunt_for_a_few_months_she/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] No exercise
/u/PainlessMe [17F | 1.75 | CW: 61.1 | GW: 50 | SW: 70.1]
Created: Sat Apr 21 18:43:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dzx30/no_exercise/
---
Hi there, this isn’t completely ED related, though it does play a part in the origin and maintenance of my ED, but I have HMS (Hypermobility Syndrome, look it up), which is most present in my knees, hips, ankles, wrists, shoulders and jaw, and as a result of that I can’t really do any basic sports. I’m not allowed to run (for PE in school I had to run 1500m, and I couldn’t walk the next day), play ball sports or any other high impact sports, and basically, all I can do is light yoga (but like seriously boring stuff, not the cool yoga) and swimming (which I don’t like), so basically my ED is fully relying on eating as little as possible because I literally can not exercise it off. I have pretty much chronic neck and back pain, and very frequent headaches, in addition to always having bruises and mildly dislocating joints all the time and spraining my ankle on many occasions.
And right now it’s 2:35am and I’m crying because I’m thinking about the fact that I will never in my life be able to exercise with my friends, practice a sport, or do any of that. How the fuck am I supposed to burn any calories? What the fuck can I do? Honestly I feel so useless as a human being.
(TLDR: I have HMS so my joints are fucked and I can’t do sports and it fuels my depression)
[Rant/Rave] I didn't restrict today and I feel anxious
/u/billionsofatoms [5'4" | 115lb | LW: 97lb | GW: 90lb]
Created: Sat Apr 21 18:38:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dzw7c/i_didnt_restrict_today_and_i_feel_anxious/
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Whenever I get my favorite sesame and salt crackers I have to eat at least half of the pack. So there go my calories for the day (well, 70% of them).
Today it happened again and I ate a bit over maintenance because I also ate actual nutritious food during the day. I am not able to even sleep right now. It's a wasted day! And tomorrow I'll also be heavier because water retention. I'd like to say that I have no regrets because obviously I didn't care while eating them but we all know better. At least they have quite a bit of fiber and protein so...not all waste right?!
I'm dying here 😱😭
[Help] Things I need to hear
/u/jaias92
Created: Sat Apr 21 18:22:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dzsvo/things_i_need_to_hear/
---
I can search google for all the information and truth be told, I know it myself. Let me start with some history. I was once 130kg. I’m 183cm tall and you can imagine how incredibly fat I was. My mother is a doctor and as a result of that, I started seeing a weight management specialist, an endocrinologist, since I was 14. I am 26 now. While I was in the army, being Singaporean, I have to serve my national service for 2 years, I was a clerk due to my Diagnosed ADHD. During that time, in 2013, I underwent bariatric surgery(sleeve) and I began dropping weight really fast. Fast forward to 2014, I dropped down to 78kgs and I was really scrawny. In about 1.5 years, I had shed 52kgs. It was a combination of the sleeve gastractomy and my bulimia which developed about a month after the surgery. Since then, I have maintained a consistent range between 82-88kgs. At the peak of my disorder, 2015-2017, I would purge every Single meal, sometimes twice a meal and binge eat at night. I would purge at least 8 times a day and with a minimum of 4-5 heaves a purge. It was really taxing but my weight did not exceed the threshold. Now, I am preoccupied with never getting fat again and it is really messing with me. Furthermore, I feel like I have a physiological need to purge rather than a psychological one. Recently I’ve been having a lot of gas issues due to the purging and it’s starting to make me very uncomfortable but I cant seem to stop. In mid 2017, I was diagnosed with depression and my psychiatrist is aware of my disorder but naturally I have downplayed it somewhat and focused on other issues in my life. I don’t know what I hope to achieve with this post. I guess I just wanted to share. Thank you for listening.
[Rant/Rave] Hey its me the idiot that got poisoned earlier this week (update)
/u/slip_n_slice
Created: Sat Apr 21 18:17:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dzro6/hey_its_me_the_idiot_that_got_poisoned_earlier/
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Hey its ya boy, antifreeze receptacle 2000.
Had a rough few days there but im doing better. Not nearly as sore and less *fuzzy* feeling, but my stomach is still way off. I havnt even been able to do my usual drunkarexic routine so ive just been like drinking water?
Its been a shit experience and my stomach is just constantly twirling, nausea still comes and goes and sometimes i just have a random taste of chemical in my mouth or smell in my nose which is pretty horrid.
Also the girl im seeing wanted to go out for chinese, and i told her to suggest a decent place (thinking i could get like a lettuce wrap or a small serving of hot and sour soup) but she wanted some shit chinese buffet, and then called me out for not eating (bowl of the worst hot and sour ive ever had and some crap fried rice)
Bit of a rant cause its been a shit, shit week but im alive and good yall 👌
Yee yee
[Discussion] DAE feel so full it hurts after trying shirataki noodles?
/u/whisper_willoww
Created: Sat Apr 21 18:06:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dzpei/dae_feel_so_full_it_hurts_after_trying_shirataki/
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Just tried these yesterday and oh my god. They worked like a dream but I still feel full and it actually hurts.
A creep who stalked me on IG because I obviously swiped no to them on tinder and they’re trying to get my attention. I wonder if critiquing the body of a stranger who is ignoring you ever works? Btw his was just a video on my story with nothing to do with EDs or food...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 21 17:53:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dzmmd/a_creep_who_stalked_me_on_ig_because_i_obviously/
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https://m.imgur.com/gallery/3uNJ2IA
[Other] I was rear-ended last night.
/u/sommefeils [5'2 F | CW: 120lb | UGW: 100lb]
Created: Sat Apr 21 17:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dzi43/i_was_rearended_last_night/
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Not hard enough for the airbags to have deployed, but bad enough that the mechanic said that getting it repaired would not be worth the cost.
I'm feeling pretty shitty with shock, a ton of guilt from getting my mom's car totalled, financial worries, headaches, and persistent neck pain/stiffness.
It's SICK but in the back of my mind, I feel like the one good thing that came of this (aside from the collision not being fatal) is that my head and neck aches too much to binge and purge.
So.. hooray, I am officially 3 days binge/purge free.
[Rant/Rave] DAE get annoyed by instagram "lifting" girls?
/u/ekkkooooo
Created: Sat Apr 21 17:02:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dzbyd/dae_get_annoyed_by_instagram_lifting_girls/
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instagram is so obsessed with weightlifting and female body builders but i cant help but feel like these girls have the most unattractive bodies. like yeah maybe your arm is all muscle, but its still twice the size of my arm...
im just annoyed cuz i try SO hard to be small and delicate and now theres a huge fascination with big butts and thick thighs. if you stalk these girls youll notice that they barely post straight-on photos because theyre super chunky. its only from that twisty pose they do that they look skinny due to proportions
does anyone feel this way or am i just being a huge bitch :(
[Help] I'm meeting my ldr in about 4-5 mnths and I want to lose as much weight as I can. Help.
/u/The__Viewer
Created: Sat Apr 21 16:50:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dz9bm/im_meeting_my_ldr_in_about_45_mnths_and_i_want_to/
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[removed]
[Help] So how many sleeping pills is a normal adult suppose to take
/u/spookster6
Created: Sat Apr 21 16:01:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dyyt4/so_how_many_sleeping_pills_is_a_normal_adult/
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[removed]
[Intro] I'm back, bitches 💋
/u/the-mortyest-morty [👙 5'3🍓 CW:110.2🌸 BMI:19.5🌙 -33.8🔮 GW:105✨ 25F💜]
Created: Sat Apr 21 15:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dyrb9/im_back_bitches/
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Hoo boy. It's been so long most of you probably never met me on here or forgot if you did.
Short recap: I'm a 2-year-sober heroin addict currently living with my fiancé and his insane family in his MIL's basement, 90 miles from my hometown. Housemates include Autistic Brother-in-Law, anorexic Brother-in-law, bulimic sister-in-law, and her two horribly behaved tiny dogs. When we last left off, I'd dropped roughly 30 lbs in a few months and was on vacation in Florida with fiancé and his crazy family.
A whole bunch of stupid shit happened including me being called a "junkie bitch" by fiancé's aunt, essentially ruining vacation and sending me into a months-long downward spiral. I stopped posting here, my fucking laptop broke (and is still broke because I'm broke, lol), and I just... didn't do shit for basically a year. But I didn't relapse on drugs, and I was actually maintaining my weight in a healthy way. I was pretty proud of myself.
But then.
Fucking acne. My hormones have been fucked since I started heroin, and have stayed fucked since I got off it. My acne kept getting worse - multiple new, painful cysts every day. Fuck. The same thing happened to me in high school so I assume I'm gonna have to do what I did in high school: get back on birth control and Retin-A. So I do.
Guys, my boobs went from B's to DD's in ONE MONTH. I couldn't stop eating, kept craving weird shit. I gained nearly 30 pounds. My fucking winter coat stopped fitting. My fucking THIGHS ARE RUBBING TOGETHER THEY HAVE LITERALLY NEVER DONE THAT WHAT THE FUCK. All in the course of like a month and a half. But my acne was fading. So I just sat there like a marshmallow for a few months wanting to die but hoping it would be worth it for clear skin.
Well now my acne is coming back, and it turns out I'm very fucking sensitive to estrogen, so fuck this birth control. I'm making an appointment to switch my birth control on Monday. For now, I've stopped taking it. My face doesn't seem any worse, for now. Also I can't stop peeing and have dropped like 6 lbs in 3 days stince I stopped taking the BC. Fuck hormones, man.
So, uh, yeah. Anybody got any BC suggestions? I need something that will help clear this chin acne without turning me into the Stay-Puft marshmallow guy. I'm thinking of trying Yaz or Yasmin, since apparently it's a fairly low/stable estrogen dose and the progestin has low androgens or something? Idk HELP ME FAM. 😭
Anyway I'm hungry for the first time in forever and it feels so right, lol. It's good to be back. Now I need to update my flair 😢.
[Discussion] DAE smush food in their hands
/u/glorydaisy [5'3 | CW 118 | UGW 100]
Created: Sat Apr 21 14:40:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dygcc/dae_smush_food_in_their_hands/
---
I wanna experience food in every way I can except for eating it, and I work in a bakery so when someone drops food, I'll pick it up to throw it away, but smush it in my hands before I toss it. Just subtly, so no one knows I'm a freak. It's just the closest I get to eating the food.
[Other] Who else loves the taste of ketones in their mouth?
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Sat Apr 21 14:37:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dyfje/who_else_loves_the_taste_of_ketones_in_their_mouth/
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Makes me feel like I’m doing something right. If my fat body isn’t evidence of my effort, then at least my stank breath is hahaha
[Rant/Rave] I phoned in sick to work last minute because i felt too fat
/u/potatoesandpickles
Created: Sat Apr 21 14:09:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dy8z0/i_phoned_in_sick_to_work_last_minute_because_i/
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Now i feel like my boss hates me and all i've done is lie in bed and binge my feelings away. I'm disgusted with myself. I've abandoned uni and have to look for jobs and flats and i've just been focusing on my body like maybe if i lost 20 pounds my life will suddenly make sense and I'll miraculously have a nice flat and my dream job and a boyfriend and friends. I'm struggling but hate to burden my friends with my problems and half the time they end up focusing on their problems anyway, or just don't know what to say, and everyone has their own stuff going on anyway.
Also first post hi everyone.
[Tip] Just realized I can make my own rice cakes
/u/Solidly-secretive
Created: Sat Apr 21 14:00:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dy6wj/just_realized_i_can_make_my_own_rice_cakes/
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https://livingsweetmoments.com/homemade-rice-cakes-recipe/
[Rant/Rave] I hate the binge restrict cycle
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | CW 192lbs | GW 115 | BMI 28.8 | Lost 68]
Created: Sat Apr 21 13:46:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dy3jf/i_hate_the_binge_restrict_cycle/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] One else got eyes way bigger than their stomach?
/u/batshitbaby
Created: Sat Apr 21 13:11:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dxvpo/one_else_got_eyes_way_bigger_than_their_stomach/
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I just restricted for 3 days so I decided ok lets get some comfort food, but not too much. Yea lets just get a small pizza and some coke light. I mean I'm not hungry and I just fasted all day
What did I order? The biggest possible size pizza with a large fries and some snacks with it. I just had 2 slices and I'm full. I'm so mad at myself lol I keep doing this and I never learn
help
[Help] How much ephedrine and caffeine to take together?
/u/dried_pineapple [4 '11 | Goal: 90 lbs | F 26]
Created: Sat Apr 21 13:02:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dxthc/how_much_ephedrine_and_caffeine_to_take_together/
---
I have some Primatene and Caffeine pills but IDK how much to take together. One or two pills of Primatene? How much caffeine with it?
[Discussion] Celexa/Citalopram experiences? Gain, loss?
/u/Suusss [| 5'6 | 143 / 120 / 117 / 115 / 113 \\ 111 \\ 109]
Created: Sat Apr 21 13:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dxtfl/celexacitalopram_experiences_gain_loss/
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Howdy, anxiety depression FANS !
I'm questioning switching from Prozac (40mg) to Citalopram, which is used by my two sisters, and seems to be working to great effect for them/ However, both of them dont hugely care about weight-related habits, but are obsessed about losing weight (they are like 180/150lbs, 5'6, and haven't lost the weight in years) so I have not been able to gauge if they gained or not.. lol (im the worst)
I find prozac doesn't really cut it, especially after upping my dose. I just dont think it's strong enough for my lvl 99 anxiety. But im terrified of switching and gaining weight like the people who I know are on it. I'm aware of the nerve 'shocks' but am essentially unbothered about how hardxcore the meds are if they relieve my anx/dep AND don't fuck me over weight-wise.
Anyone?
[Intro] New here
/u/woodenships524 [5'5" | CW: 149.6 | GW: 115 | UGW: 98 | Weight Lost: 35 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 11:54:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dxdeb/new_here/
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Longtime lurker, first time poster. Incoming wall of text.
I just want to introduce myself and also say that this sub has become super important to me. I'm a 26\-year\-old, 5'4.5" \(I always round to 5'5" for a better BMI\) female who recently lost 36 pounds on a keto diet but has struggled with disordered behaviors for a while, I realize. I just guess I didn't really think \(and still don't, necessarily\) that my habits were unhealthy. My grandmother struggled with bulimia her entire life, and my mother has been on one diet or another for as long as I can remember. I thought I was different \- I'm not.
My lowest adult weight \(at 18\) was 98 pounds, and I used to hate my bones showing, but now I know that I want nothing more. People used to comment on my weight all the time \- say how thin I was, how I need to eat, how they're worried about me. I thought I hated it at the time but looking back, I relished in it. I used to eat a bag of chips or a baked potato every day for lunch at school, then come home and nap for 5 hours, eat something super small for dinner, then sleep the rest of the night. I didn't really like eating, I think. I remember that I used to hate bathing suit shopping because my ribs were so pronounced. I look back now and want to slap myself for thinking I was too thin, just because other people said so.
I first started gaining any significant weight in college and also started binge eating. I would joke about eating entire pizzas and whole gallons of ice cream in one sitting. It seems like this kind of disordered eating is so mainstream now \(jokes about how any pizza can be a personal pizza, eating your weight in ice cream, eating an entire dozen donuts\), that I didn't think it was a big deal. My friends laughed when I joked about how much I loved food. I hit 140 my senior year of college and started noticing my arms looking 'chubby' in pictures, so I started my first diet spring semester. I ordered Nutrisystem and would only eat their meals \(not supplementing them with other food\), and I hit the gym daily. I got back down to around 130 in time for graduation and got so many compliments on my body and how great I looked. I remember when my collarbone was more and more pronounced as the weight came off, and I loved it. I related so much to the post about constantly touching your collarbone because I do it daily. I was/am intoxicated by it. But this time I was technically "thin" was the first time that everyone else saw something I didn't. I didn't think it was enough.
I recall being horrified that I was a size 4 instead of getting back down to the size 0 I was accustomed to in high school.
I fell back into binge eating that summer. I would sneak out of the house at 2 a.m. to drive to Steak & Shake to order my favorite cheat meal: a large burger with a huge helping of cheese fries, and of course, a large Coke. I started gaining again and when I got a teaching job that year, I packed on the pounds even more. I would regularly eat two dinners and go to sleep directly after eating because I hated my job, and really, hated my life. I remember my mom sitting me down and saying she was concerned about my weight. That conversation is burned in my memory; my whole life, I've been thin. Any concern people had about my weight was the opposite \- my mom used to make me milkshakes at night when I was in middle school because I was too skinny. It's like my whole identity is wrapped up in being thin, that even at my highest weight \(184 lbs...I hate even typing that\), I thought of myself as an ultra\-thin person trapped in someone else's body.
Since that time, I've gotten a much better job and everything else has gone so right, at least on paper \- everything but my weight and my body. I've yo\-yo dieted and and lost 20 pounds, 25 pounds here and there, just to gain it all back in the end.
I'm getting married in May, and last August, I decided I was tired of being fat and needed to make a big change. My mom went to a metabolic clinic herself \(she's struggled with her weight her entire life...surprise, surprise\) and was recommended a more strict version of the keto diet. I decided to follow the same diet, and the weight started melting off. I'd lose a pound a day those first couple of months. I dropped from 184 in August to around 160 in late October. People were noticing and complimenting my thinner figure. I started becoming obsessed with losing. I prided myself on my MFP streak and never went above 1200 calories per day, in addition to only eating lean meats, veggies and a few approved fruits.
The loss slowed \(and I became less strict over the holidays...more binge episodes\), and now I'm teetering between 148 and 149. I noticed myself start to heavily restrict back in January, going under 1000 calories a day, only to have my restriction ruined by weekend binge eating and 4,000 calorie days.
But I started getting really serious about losing around 2 weeks ago.
I got tired of looking at my high school pics every day and just wanting to feel that thin again instead of being that thin again. I've always binged, but I purged for the first time about a month ago. I started using laxatives for "constipation" back in January, but I ramped up my use at the end of March. I started using one laxative per week and thought that was not too bad...it's not super unhealthy, right? That's what I tell myself. Plus I'm down to topping out at 800 calories a day and weighing myself daily to make sure it's working.
It does still seem like it's not enough, though. I've come to love feeling empty. I feel better when I know I haven't eaten...it's almost like I'm cleaner? It's hard to put the feeling into words. I just know that I'd do anything to be at my ultimate goal weight. Not even for the wedding. Just for people to notice again. For me to see a thin person in the mirror again instead of just in my mind. Bones are beautiful to me now. Arms that I can wrap my fingers around at the top, a waist that's 24 inches...those little things I used to take for granted. I wonder if it will ever be enough, but for now, I'm losing again, and that makes me feel better.
[Goal] A bit of glitter
/u/sadclowntears [CW: 134 | UGW: 95 | -25lb | 18M]
Created: Sat Apr 21 11:49:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dxca6/a_bit_of_glitter/
---
Yo, haven't been here in a while! I feel like an absolute dork for being happy over this, but I'm wearing shorts in public for the first time in 7 years!!!!!
I didn't even realize this was a goal of mine until recently. Frankly I never thought I'd wear non-baggy or weather appropriate clothes agin but... HERE I AM. I feel so giddy LOL.
Whenever anyone looks in my direction I get self conscious but I'm riding such an excitement-high right now that it's hard to squash this cheerfulness.
(Sorry, I know this is kind of a stupid post. I'm not sure who else to tell that won't look at me like I have two heads. I'M HAPPY 🐥🐥🐥)
[Rant/Rave] Anyone else feel like the universe is working against them?
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 98 | 18.5 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 11:25:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dx6dx/anyone_else_feel_like_the_universe_is_working/
---
So I brought my veggies and dip to work today - 8 hour shift, 150 calories of veggies, a little much but I figured it would be ok because I'm going out tonight with my girlfriends, so I'll need to have something eaten to keep alcohol down right?
Oh - guess what? All the girls in the office are ordering sushi for lunch. Sushi used to be your favourite thing. You're sure you don't want anything?
Well, they got extra for you anyway. Here's some extra rolls and soup and teriyaki chicken. You're sure you don't want any? Ok, well we're all going to sit together and chat/eat in your office anyway. Try not to hold your breath.
Oh, also, the town is having a butter tart festival today. Your boss knows how hard it would be for you, but she's sending you there in an hour to pick her and the office up some butter tarts. You're going to be surrounded by 100 different kinds and have to pick the best ones to bring back and somehow eat none of them.
How the fuck am I going to make it through today?
[Discussion] DAE get SO irritated when family/roommates are home?
/u/TheCuntInTheRye [5'7"M| 19 | CW:131.2 | -19.6lbs]
Created: Sat Apr 21 11:12:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dx3dq/dae_get_so_irritated_when_familyroommates_are_home/
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So what triggered this question was I’m back home for the weekend and my dad and his girlfriend were supposed to leave an hour ago. I thought, great! That gives me time to smoke a cig and chew/spit the ice cream they got me. My dad was ready immediately, but his girlfriend is eating soup slower than I’ve ever seen anyone eat anything ever. She’s reading a book, my dad is giving hints that they should leave, and she keeps saying that she needs to finish her soup first. I’m just so frustrated... it’s part of the reason I’m looking to move out. The place is too small for 3 people. Things got so bad at one point that they broke up and she moved out. When they got back together, things were great, but for some reason they wanted to live together again. It makes me irrationally angry.
Does anyone else get like this? Like, I just want to do my disordered behaviors in peace #lol
[Rant/Rave] The day my soul left my body, AKA shopping with my brother
/u/stop-meowing
Created: Sat Apr 21 11:02:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dx0vb/the_day_my_soul_left_my_body_aka_shopping_with_my/
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I live in a coastal town and we have A LOT of surf sample sales. A surf sample sale is like a HUGE yard sale, but it’s half off name brand clothes like Billabong, O’Neil, Roxy, and things like that. The sizes are only small or medium for guys and girls.
Today I went to one with my mom and brother. I usually can only get tank tops and jackets, but I’ve NEVER been able to find shorts or pants because I’m definitely bottom heavy. Just call me a pear.
Anyway, we were looking at shorts for my brother and my mom held up a pair for my bro. He proceeded to LOUDLY say, “I don’t think those will fit me, I have big legs like stop-meowing.”
My stomach hit my toes like a brick. I think time might have actually stopped. You see, what my brother lacks in tact, he makes up for in brute honesty. He didn’t say it with any tone in his voice or any malice. And that’s what really stings. He stated it like a fact.
Just more motivation right??????????? (Ugh)
[Rant/Rave] I ate a ton of ice cream last night :(
/u/hollyhock_MMGRZHFM
Created: Sat Apr 21 10:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dwvy0/i_ate_a_ton_of_ice_cream_last_night/
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I feel so bloated and uncomfortable. And sad. I’ve asked my family repeatedly to not buy ice cream that I can eat (gluten intolerant) because its the one thing I have no self control over. I’ve asked them to only buy ice cream with gluten in it, so that I can’t convince myself to give in. It was in the freezer for like 3 weeks before I gave in. No one even eats that much ice cream, so why do they constantly buy it??? I feel sick and frustrated and I’m gonna rely on mostly coffee today. I work later, so I might eat something small during my shift. Idk, bleh I just feel shitty, and you all are the only people who really get that. It’s been over a month since my last binge, and this just sucks.
[Other] I owe everything to cooked spinach😍
/u/mina1200
Created: Sat Apr 21 10:35:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dwuou/i_owe_everything_to_cooked_spinach/
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For the past two months ish I’ve started this new thing where I eat one meal a day at 5pm, that being 3/4 bag of cooked spinach and a handful of brown rice (I do snack on fruit etc throughout the day). And oh man, not only do I find cooked spinach so TASTY, it’s like 30kcal for half the bag and it makes me so nice and full afterwards!!! Love it. Thank you spinach 💜
[Help] Does anyone know how to turn this off?
/u/Adog311 [5'10" | 112 lbs | 15.67 | 45lbs | M]
Created: Sat Apr 21 10:21:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dwrom/does_anyone_know_how_to_turn_this_off/
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https://i.redd.it/as6rxhhefat01.jpg
[Discussion] April 17th - 21st, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [27F | 5'5" | CW 122 | GW 105 ]
Created: Sat Apr 21 08:38:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dw4hu/april_17th_21st_2018_question_of_the_day/
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17th: What do you think is your biggest shortcoming?
18th: What is a problem you solved today?
19th: What famous person would you bring back from the dead to have dinner with?
20th: How many times did you curse today?
21st: What do you want to say when someone asks “What do you do”?
[Help] Maintaining on a fast
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Sat Apr 21 08:06:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dvy2i/maintaining_on_a_fast/
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Hey guys,
I still can’t believe I did it, but I managed a 24hr fast yesterday!! I want to fast all through today as well bc tomorrow I’m celebrating my birthday and I know food will be unavoidable. My only concern is that I stepped on the scale this morning and my weight hasn’t budged an ounce. Usually when I go to sleep empty I weigh dramatically less in the morning (temporarily, ofc) but I feel like I’m retaining something. How long do you all fast until the stubborn weight comes off?
Restricting, gained three pounds?!
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Sat Apr 21 07:15:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dvo8b/restricting_gained_three_pounds/
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I’ve been restricting a ton. Yesterday I ha 1200 calories, and got in 10,000 steps at my shift as a kitchen worker alone. This puts me at a 1000-11000 calorie deficit. I’ve been losing but today I weighed in and I gained three pounds?!??
Wtf!
I’ve been dieting and had an Ed Forever so it’s not like I’m underestimating my calories. A bitch double weighs everything.
Wtf :(((((
[Other] I'm sorry I just saw this and got a chuckle. r/thesims [crosspost]
/u/aflatpancake [5'7 | 134.5 | 21.2 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 06:53:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dvkdl/im_sorry_i_just_saw_this_and_got_a_chuckle/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/thesims/comments/8dv8uh/dat_waist_tho/
[Help] Just dumped by ex of 7 years.
/u/plaidpeonies [5’2” | CBMI: 21.8 | GBMI1: 21 | 22F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 06:33:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dvh1e/just_dumped_by_ex_of_7_years/
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Hello, lovely community. I need a list of things to do to keep me busy. STAT!
So far, I have:
- running daily / fitness goals!
- 15 min meditation/yoga daily
- journal daily
- finish watching breaking bad, then watching oscar best picture nominations
- practice the guitar
- finish reading Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man and The Brothers Karamazov that are wasting away on my shelf
- reach out to close friends / family basically telling them the situation and that I need distractions and more hangouts
First appointment with a therapist (was originally booked for our relationship issues, but now will serve as post-breakup issues) this coming Monday. Any more suggestions?
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! April 21, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 21 06:11:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dvdhc/stupid_questions_saturday_april_21_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for April 21, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 21, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 21 06:10:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dvdfd/daily_food_diary_april_21_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 21, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] How can people say Purging doesn't work?
/u/Ellie___Phant [5'5 | CW 124 | GW 110]
Created: Sat Apr 21 05:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dvax1/how_can_people_say_purging_doesnt_work/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] No milk in so guess I'm not eating
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 120 | 20.54| GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Sat Apr 21 05:09:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dv4bm/no_milk_in_so_guess_im_not_eating/
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I planned to have cereal for breakfast this morning, but my milk's gone out and I have hair dye on for the next 3/4 hours. I asked my girlfriend to get me some but she doesn't want to leave the house but I guess it means that I can make up for eating so fucking much these past few days 🙃
[Help] Is it possible to lose weight eating at maintenance?
/u/tinyfleabite [5'2.5" | 97 lbs | LW: 1.8 lbs | GW happy | 16F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 03:16:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dup61/is_it_possible_to_lose_weight_eating_at/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] So tired of this
/u/supersecretobsession [178cm | CW: 57.1kg | BMI: 17.56(new)/18.01(old) | GW: ??? | 20F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 03:13:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8duour/so_tired_of_this/
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Just another venting post, felt like I needed to speak my mind a bit.
I am so tired of starting every day with rigid planning and calculations, only to disregard it all at the end of the day and eat way too much.
I am so tired of constantly comparing myself to other girls and feeling worse about myself every time I leave the house.
I am so tired of not being able to get any work done because I refuse to eat to let my brain have energy.
I am so tired of this causing tension between me and my boyfriend, with me having to mentally prepare every time we go out to eat.
I am just really tired of not being normal. This is exhausting and I need to stop. I'm going to pretend need to be a normal person. Normal people can eat reasonable amounts and lose weight gradually. Normal people don't have an all-or-nothing attitude to food and weight loss.
Hopefully pretending to be a normal person for a little while will help me feel like one eventually.
[Rant/Rave] I’m so miserable
/u/spyrothedaddy [5'4"|CW:102.8|BMI:17.6|F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 02:45:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dul86/im_so_miserable/
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I go on holiday in a week and I’m up 10lbs from my safe weight. I can’t get out of this binge/restrict cycle and lately it’s been way more binging than restricting and I just feel huge. I can see it all over my body. I just want to starve until the weight has gone. I miss having control. I can’t even restrict properly today as I have to go out tonight. Kill me
[Rant/Rave] I know I shouldn’t weigh myself tomorrow because I weighed myself today.
/u/txhsu
Created: Sat Apr 21 02:04:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dufy5/i_know_i_shouldnt_weigh_myself_tomorrow_because_i/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Finally breaking the binge cycle!!
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 01:37:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ducip/finally_breaking_the_binge_cycle/
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Just wanted to say a giant thank you to all you lovely ladies and gents. I posted quite a few times about my god-awful night bingeing, and I got sooo many helpful responses, and I haven't binged in 3 days!! Well, really two, but I think I'm gonna be okay tonight, so I'll say 3. But still guys, I used to binge like legit every night. So I'm soooo happy to be finally breaking out of that. This little post is like my non-food reward lol.
Some of the best tips you guys gave me were taking a melatonin so I'm not awake and bored and wanting to eat, eating lots of slow carbs during the day (to whoever suggested that, you are truly a godsend lol), drinking saltwater or vinegar, bulk eating vegetables, aaaamd EC stacking, lol. Just a disclaimer, I'm not necessarily recommending EC stacking, just saying that I like it.
Anyways, just wanted to rave a bit and share where I'm at. Love you guys!! 💕💕
[Rant/Rave] Haha fuck me I guess
/u/_thehotcheetodiet_
Created: Sat Apr 21 01:17:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8du9tz/haha_fuck_me_i_guess/
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I spent this entire week saving up and budgeting so I could have a nice indulgence today. I wanted to give myself enough calories to allow myself to "celebrate" 4/20 by smoking and having some pizza and hot cheetoes
But no, now it's midnight and I'm sitting here high and can't bring myself to eat the pizza or the cheetoes because I'm trash. Sigh. This is bullshit
[Rant/Rave] 2AM Thoughts
/u/DeathmetalFiretruck [5'5 | CW 79.2 lbs | BMI 13.33 | HW 187 |Hahaimcrayy 24F]
Created: Sat Apr 21 01:11:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8du91o/2am_thoughts/
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My ED has morphed a lot over the years, from pure restriction, to dabbling in c/s, to the infamous insatiable hunger that led to binging and a 20lb gain 76-95lbs, to relapse back down, and now I find myself dabbling in b/p every night with my OMAD. It’s like once I figured out HOW to purge, I get a kick out of having my cake and eating it too (so to speak).
It’s the process that just is so calming. Sure, being sick is gross and not the most pleasant sensation, but idk....it’s like you take the thing you’re afraid of, stuff yourself with it, then just let it go and afterwards you look at the beautiful mess you made and can sleep easy knowing you got to indulge with no consequences.
Food to me isn’t fuel, it’s consequences. Enjoying my meals isn’t an option, and allowing myself to eat is a compromise.
The binge feels like a representation of all the things that are bothering me. I get fuller and fuller and then I’m just stuffed with these scary problems that make me feel awful inside and disgusted.
And then you just purge it. And there’s this relief. And it’s just....gone.
I don’t think it’s the food I find addicting, I think it’s the release of stress; the literal decrease in pain and the “purge” of everything that made me feel sick and up at night with endless thoughts.
Although ironically, it’s the b/p addiction that’s actually keeping me up. But it’s fueled by my problems....? Gotta love a good catch-22. 🤪
Idk if anyone can relate to this, but if you do and need to talk ever, feel free to PM me.
Stay safe babes. ❤️
[Rant/Rave] I bought 3 boxes of sleeping pills and NyQuil and wasn’t carded.
/u/spookster6
Created: Sat Apr 21 00:07:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8du018/i_bought_3_boxes_of_sleeping_pills_and_nyquil_and/
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No questions asked, not even a feigned interest. The only joy of being 18 is being able to buy all this shit legally, and the clerk didn’t bat an eye. Already on my suicidal bullshit and it makes me wonder if I’m genuinely that invisible. This is merely a rant, don’t feel the need to answer me <3 Goodnight guys.
[Rant/Rave] more abuse flashbacks (rant)
/u/swagcat9000 [5'5" | 131 lbs | 21.8 | -37 | M |]
Created: Fri Apr 20 22:34:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dtlgh/more_abuse_flashbacks_rant/
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i was eleven years old, and something at my afterschool really pissed me off. i don't remember what, but all i remember is that i walked out the front door and stood a few feet away for probably 10-15 seconds before i had to go back inside. it was sunny and warm out that day.
of course, the teachers told my mother.
so the screaming began, and she yelled at me for a couple of hours. i don't remember the specifics, but she was telling me how i could have gotten kidnapped. telling me how dumb i was.
afterwards, we stood at the bottom of the stairs to her bedroom. she had stopped yelling, and she told me to go upstairs so we could go to sleep, so i started going.
which is when she grabbed me, wrapped her arms around me, and pulled me towards her hard.
she clamped her hand over my mouth to catch my scream and i bit her hand. i cried, i panicked, i was so scared that she was going to do something worse.
she did that to prove a point- that i'm weak, and adults are strong and i can be taken.
that was 7 years ago (ish) and i'm just now thinking about that. i don't think i've thought about it seriously that whole time.
now that i have, i can feel what it felt like, her hand over my mouth and arms around me, the muffled scream. i want to rip my skin off because i can feel where she touched me.
i am not forgiving this.
(rant)
weight restored at bmi of 16.3?
/u/omegaandalphabet
Created: Fri Apr 20 22:33:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dtld4/weight_restored_at_bmi_of_163/
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[removed]
Any parents developed an ED right after baby?!
/u/Tryingmomspatience
Created: Fri Apr 20 21:47:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dtdf7/any_parents_developed_an_ed_right_after_baby/
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I puked a lot while I was prego due to well pregnancy. I was well over 300 pounds at the beginning of my pregnancy and by the end of the pregnancy I was just under 200 pounds. I’m finally down in the 130s. But I’m curious if anyone else here developed an eating disorder after having their kid? Mine was to cope with having a collicie baby who screamed her head off for the better part of the day. It was the ONLY control I have over my life. I work full time but now I go to the gym for 1-2 hours then go to work and go back to the gym at lunch for an hour. It’s the only way I stay sane.
[Discussion] Newly acquired taste for foods
/u/1578970
Created: Fri Apr 20 21:34:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dtb5f/newly_acquired_taste_for_foods/
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Before I started disordered eating, I never ate peanut butter- I went out of my way to avoid it. Now, however, I eat it frequently. I eat it on binge cycles, and, in fact, eat it directly out of the jar. The same thing happened with other particular types of nuts- I never ate nuts because they were simply displeasing to me: now, I eat them all the time. Has anyone else experienced this?
[Rant/Rave] Feeling overwhelmingly depressed because I keep eating too much.
/u/vitalogy95 [5'5" | CW: 155 | BMI: 25.79 | GW: 115 | HW: 176]
Created: Fri Apr 20 21:30:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dtaes/feeling_overwhelmingly_depressed_because_i_keep/
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I did great and lost nearly 25 pounds in 2 months. But since January I’ve been losing and gaining the same 5 or so pounds. The last week has just been awful and I’ve been “bingeing”. Maybe not exactly bingeing but just eating a lot of junk food over the span of the day. I’m insatiable. Once I eat shit food I feel like my day is ruined already so I might as well just keep eating. And then I feel horribly depressed and lay in bed to pass the time, and then I eat more.
I keep saying tomorrow will be better and then it’s not. I’m scared I’m going to start gaining if I can’t get back on track and I just feel so out of control and cripplingly depressed.
I also feel so fucking shitty for being depressed over this. I’m depressed for eating too much yet some children are starving. I hate this and I just want to be thin and beautiful and happy.
[Other] i!!! am!! so!! hungry!!
/u/sugarpiIl [5'5 | 199 | 33.11 | 3 lbs lost | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 21:30:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dtabo/i_am_so_hungry/
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why do cravings hit so hard at night
[Discussion] DAE low restrict knowing it'll lead to a binge?
/u/stresssedthrowaway [5'3" | 119.0 | -18.2 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 21:14:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dt7ja/dae_low_restrict_knowing_itll_lead_to_a_binge/
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(on mobile pls flair as rant/rave)
I want to be able to high restrict but I guess I'm just an all or nothing kind of person.. like my total intake today is 367 (not including exercise) & I'm so fucking hungry but I'm like, "if I can get through tonight then I'm closer to my goal!!" Knowing that I'd hit my GW by my goal date even if I ate another 500 calories and that restricting like this will just lead to a 1500+ binge eventually.
Like, wtf is with my brain? Does anyone else feel like high restriction is absolutely impossible?
[Rant/Rave] I'm about to break my 3-day fast, involuntarily :(
/u/ELESH_NORN_DAMNIT [5'6" | CW: too anxious to say | GW: 100 (BMI 16) | 22 cis F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 20:26:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dsyiw/im_about_to_break_my_3day_fast_involuntarily/
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So I live at home, and the past three days I've either been home alone or keeping a different schedule that the person I live with, so I've basically been able to fake having eaten and get out of having to eat anything. But the weekend is coming, he's gonna be home from work, and I have to eat again tomorrow. Shit sucks man.
I love going without, not gonna lie. Sometimes I even dream about going "full Barbieri"...I probably would if I thought I could get away with it. Eating nothing whatsoever is the ultimate "safe food," 'cause it's zero calories, every single time. My dream is to be size zero someday soon, I love the notion of zero. I love the way a 0 looks written, it's so round and perfect. So I love knowing my daily calories for a day were freaking zero!
[Discussion] Does anyone have any weird/confusing safe foods?
/u/leafplant
Created: Fri Apr 20 20:07:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dsv3v/does_anyone_have_any_weirdconfusing_safe_foods/
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Peanut butter is safe for me, it doesn't make any sense because it has all the properties of an unsafe food, high fat, low volume high calorie etc, but for whatever reason I can eat it. ED's are so weird.
[Discussion] Favorite/ Go-To Low Calorie but Filling Food... GO!
/u/CurlyHairPandaBear
Created: Fri Apr 20 19:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dsrz4/favorite_goto_low_calorie_but_filling_food_go/
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If you're able to, share the basic nutritional info as well!
Thanks lovelies❤️💕❤️
[Discussion] Trauma and EDs
/u/CepheidVox [5'4 | CW:173 | GW:120 | -27lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 19:31:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dsnz3/trauma_and_eds/
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Just wondering how many other people have BPD, CPTSD, DID/OSDD or other trauma-related disorders along with an ED. Does everyone with an ED have it due to trauma/abuse or can it develop in people with "normal" childhoods?
I have BPD with OSDD traits due to emotional and likely sexual abuse when I was young. I've been dealing with a disordered relationship with food since I was 11. I feel like focusing on my weight and diet is a coping mechanism for the symptoms of my mental illness instead of an illness of its own. I didn't have a lot of power growing up and my illness makes me feel like I still don't have power over myself... restricting and weight loss give me a measurable sense of control.
[Rant/Rave] Finally tried Dairy-Free Halo Top. Guess who's going to be trying out more flavours and let my lactose intolerant stomach rejoice (with dairy anyways)!
/u/skipintorabbitholes [5'3" | CW: 105.4 | GW: 95 | 22NB]
Created: Fri Apr 20 19:06:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dsj43/finally_tried_dairyfree_halo_top_guess_whos_going/
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https://i.imgur.com/SaNjCRW.jpg
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] My dad called me out.
/u/chaotic_Creation [5'4" | CW 132.9 lbs | BMI 23.10 | 15.1 lost | Female]
Created: Fri Apr 20 18:59:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dshv1/rantrave_my_dad_called_me_out/
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I was a little over 36 hours into a fast, and he was out having lunch with my mom - I stayed home to do some studying. He texts me and asks if they want anything from some smoothie place, and when I say no, the first thing he says is "Wow. Really?" followed by "Are you feeling okay?". So I was totally worried he was on to me because I'd turned down candy *and* going out to lunch, so I caved and changed my mind. Then he came home and called me a cow. The situatuon was with my brother - my dad 2as making fun of his cowlick and told me "hey, go lick it, it's called a cowlick after all". Thanks for the immediate overwhelming self-hatred, dad.
[Rant/Rave] i feel so much pressure with this boy
/u/leschauvessouris [5'6 | 118]
Created: Fri Apr 20 18:56:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dsh6e/i_feel_so_much_pressure_with_this_boy/
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so ive been seeing a guy lately, i like him a lot, hes really attractive
but he's like 5'8-9 and like cant be more than 140 lbs. i dont care about his height or weight on its own like i said hes really hot
but i feel so huge and disgusting next to him, even though i know im smaller
hes way out of my league im not good enough for him and i dont know what he sees in me
[Rant/Rave] yikes lowkey got called out today
/u/leschauvessouris [5'6 | 118]
Created: Fri Apr 20 18:53:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dsghx/yikes_lowkey_got_called_out_today/
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so i went with my friends to chipotle today, said i wasnt hungry and just had a few chips with queso
they made such a huge fucking deal out of it
"i NEVER see you eat! are you SURE you arent hungry? are you okay? are you sure?"
i wanted to say "but you saw me eat half a donut on wednesday" butt then i realized that sounds even worse lol
at least they care but like im really annoyed
[Rant/Rave] When eating feels like self-harm
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 136 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 18:38:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dsdmm/when_eating_feels_like_selfharm/
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This is my second rant post today, but I need it :s
A few minutes ago I arrived home (to my parents' house) from a little trip I took to a neighboring city where I parked at a gas station, lied down in my backseat, put on calming music, and cried a lot. Basically I've become very attached very quickly to my newest romantic interest (we've known each for like 2-3 weeks), and I said something that sort of revealed that, and of course he was confused and not receptive. Things are fine between us, and I don't think he fully understood why I said it, but it was just a really, really painful reminder that I am too fucking attached and he doesn't feel the same because he doesn't have this kind of issue I have. And tbh I don't even know if he wants us to be more than fwbs. Crying helped, but the depression and hopelessness and loneliness is sinking in now that I'm back home (and I hate being here).
I haven't eaten all day (kind of on accident, lol), and it's 8:30pm. I was going to eat something when I got back home, especially because I'm supposed to take my evening meds with food. But I'm out of money for this month. The only food here was bought by my parents, whom I have a lot of bad history with. Putting their food inside me feels violating, disgusting, and harmful. A new mantra I am trying to adopt is "Heal yourself to fight everyone that's hurt you," or something to that effect, and it's been helping me lessen the amount of self-harming behaviors I do. But what do I do when eating feels like self-harm, even if I bought my own food?
I am so tired and lost right now.
[Discussion] Where does this hell come from
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 20 18:20:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ds9x2/where_does_this_hell_come_from/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] Do I look okay? I’ve been in recovery for about a month now.
/u/Thisisntmybaby42
Created: Fri Apr 20 17:58:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ds542/do_i_look_okay_ive_been_in_recovery_for_about_a/
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https://i.redd.it/w90p34dvj5t01.jpg
[Other] I just ate an entire 8 oz container of spinach like a bag of chips.
/u/KeyHeight
Created: Fri Apr 20 17:45:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ds2er/i_just_ate_an_entire_8_oz_container_of_spinach/
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Just slathered it in balsamic vinegar and went to town. Didn't even use a fork. Can't wait to see what that does to my digestive system.
Edit: My tongue is Christmas tree green.
[Other] I know I am not the only one tired of pushing that weighty boulder up a hill....
/u/krba201076
Created: Fri Apr 20 17:21:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8drx62/i_know_i_am_not_the_only_one_tired_of_pushing/
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Hi,
I was a fat kid and teen. My mother was thin but my father was fat. My mother always told me that the reason I was fat was because of his genes. He was a deadbeat so that was just another reason for me to hate him. I lost weight but I struggle now with yo yo dieting and a lot of mental issues. I am a singer songwriter and I recently turned my pain into song. I have a 6 song mini album coming out soon. I have finished four songs already and two more are in the works. One song called "Sisyphus" deals with diet and weight issues. Check it out on Bandcamp if you so desire. I wish you peace.
https://krystal3.bandcamp.com/
[Discussion] DAE watch those hugeeeee calorie eating vlogs?
/u/thegirlwhothrewaways
Created: Fri Apr 20 17:18:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8drwd1/dae_watch_those_hugeeeee_calorie_eating_vlogs/
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I’m talking the disgusting 10,000+ calorie ones. sometimes I watch them because it really puts me off food, especially if the people start becoming uncomfortable (i know that makes me sound crazy haha)
Then I remember the last time I binged and feel guilty because I basically ate what the people did in the video + a lot of tears
[Other] After a week of eating like a fucking dumbass
/u/frankesteinsmonster
Created: Fri Apr 20 17:08:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dru8p/after_a_week_of_eating_like_a_fucking_dumbass/
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Guess who’s going into a restricting period with a 24-hour fast? 🙋♀️
*posting this so I actually can be held accountable*
P.s: if anyone wants an accountability buddy hmu
I b/p for the first time
/u/Sashx0 [5'3 |165 | 28 | 15lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 17:08:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dru8g/i_bp_for_the_first_time/
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(Mobile)
I feel disgusting.
I usually keep myself at 200c-500c per day, ive been doing great, i guess you could say.
Today i just snapped. Ive been so good at keeping myself controlled and restricted, but today it was like i wasnt myself and my body took over.
I ate probably 700 calories just in chips, prezels, then icecream, ontop of my 500cals in normal food.
I cant believe myself. Why did i fucking do that?
I waited a few minutes, and then i began freaking out, ran to my bathroom, and purged as much as i could.
I cant believe i did that.
I cant believe how much i ate.
Im going to weigh myself tomorrow and ill probably be two pounds heavier.
How do you guys handle this? How do you handle the guilt and general self disappointment?
Advice wanted!
/u/TeacherKimberley
Created: Fri Apr 20 17:08:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dru6t/advice_wanted/
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So I am now classed as overweight (5ft3inches, 10 stone) and I am desperate to lose weight.
I despise the way I look in the mirror and in clothes. It's a constant daily battle.
What tips do you have for controlling your food intake? I feel a lot better when I'm in control, eating less and less bloated!
[Other] When ur watching a food vlog and they say ‘I’m not going to log mustard because it’s basically no calories’
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 20 17:05:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8drtih/when_ur_watching_a_food_vlog_and_they_say_im_not/
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https://i.redd.it/12gp259ia5t01.jpg
[Help] How do you resist binging?
/u/dried_pineapple [4 '11 | Goal: 90 lbs | F 26]
Created: Fri Apr 20 16:42:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dro65/how_do_you_resist_binging/
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I've been seriously restricting for 2 weeks and all I want to do is binge. How do I not?
[Discussion] Inpatient?
/u/Mini-Size_Me [176cm | 56.4kg | BMI18.2 | 25F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 16:30:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8drljr/inpatient/
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Hey guys. So I might be facing an inpatient hospital stay. My psychologist told me when I saw her last that if I lose any more weight, she won't have a choice but to organise me going inpatient. I'm pretty sure my flair is out of date, current BMI ~17.9. I know these posts come up fairly regularly, but I haven't seen anyone talk about Australia yet. So my question is this: has anyone gone through inpatient treatment for eating disorders in Australia? What was your experience like? I'd also welcome experiences from any other countries as well!! I'm going to do my best to avoid going to hospital, but just in case I would like to be mentally prepared. This is really scary, and I'm having a hard time believing that I am sick enough for this. I don't know, sorry my thoughts are all jumbled.
[Other] Just found this sub and want to remind people to get enough nutrition
/u/Lukeskyrunner19
Created: Fri Apr 20 16:30:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8drlhh/just_found_this_sub_and_want_to_remind_people_to/
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I wouldn't be surprised if this gets deleted, but idc. I've had an ED on and off and, while I'm not judging y'all or trying to make y'all eat more, I just want to remind y'all to get enough nutrients, even if you don't consume many calories. Many ED side effects come from nutrient deficiencies, and vitamin C doesn't get you fat.
[Discussion] Let’s talk cosmetic procedures
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 16:27:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8drks4/lets_talk_cosmetic_procedures/
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Have you had one? Do you want some? If you have, how did your ED impact if you were happy with the results or not? Did you keep it a secret or tell the people around you?
I’ve been wanting to do coolsculpt on my hips and thighs for years and I’m thinking I might bite the bullet and do it. I would also love to do a non invasive butt lift. I think it would help my legs look longer/more proportional. So I’m curious to hear other people’s experiences with this kind of thing.
[Help] Where to binge? Tired of eating in car & parents tend to find out when I sneak food to my room
/u/Ekawa [Height 5'2 | CW 126 | BMI 23| -38 |F/22]
Created: Fri Apr 20 16:21:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8drjf2/where_to_binge_tired_of_eating_in_car_parents/
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Where do you guys binge? It's really cold outside, I'm sick of binging in my car which is cluttered with crumbs and trash already and I can't eat it at home in front of my parents. I've tried to sneak it into my room in airtight containers in my backpack but my dad tries to talk to me all the time and I can't eat calmly knowing he might walk in. If I'm gonna binge I just want to be calm and able to at least enjoy it... I want to eat in a restaurant but I can't add shit tons of cheese and stuff unless it's an online order. I think I'm just anxious about making my binge "perfect" so I can get rid of these binge urges (which we know isn't going to work).
[Rant/Rave] Flab vs Muscle
/u/lulusedlife
Created: Fri Apr 20 15:39:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dr8uk/flab_vs_muscle/
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Hey everyone!
This is my first post on reddit, so sorry I don’t even really understand how it works right now.
I’ve lurked for a few months and I just wanted to post this for anyone who possibly has struggles with this. I have been through basically every eating disorder - first anorexia with extreme weight loss, then exercise bulimia, then binge eating disorder. Right now I’m doing a bit better, manage to eat about 1200 daily and have “mini binges” maybe once or twice weekly. Anyways ... when I was at my lowest weight I was really unhappy because I went through all that effort to lose it and thought I just looked liked like a tinier still flabby version of myself, but at least I actually looked nice and skinny with clothes on. I then decided I needed to “recover” and started weight lifting (heavily) with no cardio and increased my calories substantially. That was the worst thing I could have ever done. I developed a firmer body with muscles, but I also developed a huge appetite and BED. Even after most of the binging subsided I am left with a body that may look a bit better naked, but that I absolutely HATE with clothes. I just feel stocky and gross. Luckily I have been getting rid of the muscle relatively fast but I just wanted to post this for anyone who may be wondering if this would be a good route for them. If you don’t like feeling “bigger”, truste me, u are better off flabby! I honestly can’t even stand looking at my legs in the mirror :( so yea, sorry if this offends anyone, not my intention at all
[Rant/Rave] Reddit users that call us out in comments.
/u/NoMindNeverMatter
Created: Fri Apr 20 15:29:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dr6eg/reddit_users_that_call_us_out_in_comments/
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How vile do you have to be? What is the point of publicly shaming us by going through our post history to dehumanize us and derail the conversation? I can’t stand these kinds of people.
Survived a celebratory family dinner at my childhood home (with champagne!) Without binging
/u/jnlh93
Created: Fri Apr 20 14:33:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dqrvu/survived_a_celebratory_family_dinner_at_my/
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https://i.redd.it/e91i4wcdj4t01.png
[Rant/Rave] i don’t even like the way i look when i’m underweight but i can’t stop
/u/milkeyedmenders [5'5 | CW 105 | BMI 17.7 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 14:30:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dqr5c/i_dont_even_like_the_way_i_look_when_im/
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i was always a healthy weight. and i always had a pretty conventionally attractive body, not to sound obnoxious, but even with my self esteem issues i knew that being pretty skinny with big boobs was definitely a pretty acceptable way to be (although i think i was always sort of engaging in weight loss behaviors before i was even aware of it so that might not have even been my NATURAL weight but thats a whole other story)
now i’ve lost about 20 more lbs. i’ve been living such an isolated life, mostly bc i have avoidant personality disorder and a lot of social anxiety, and its been way worse since i dropped out of the college i went to and came home while the few friends i had are all still away at school. i barely talk to anyone or leave my house. my (pretty messy) long term relationship has ended and we have almost completely severed ties (its a good thing for us both objectively but he was one of the only people i saw or talked to ever lol). i don’t do casual hookups anymore so like, i haven’t really cared about how bony and unattractive i’m getting because i haven’t really had a reason to give a shit. no one sees me or touches me or really cares anyway. i’m such lonely unfulfilled person and so the only real thing that gives me pleasure is losing more weight even though when i really think about it i probably looked better before.
its such a weird tightrope walk of “oh you shouldn’t let societys standards dictate how you feel about ur body” vs “i’d probably have more reason to recover if i cared abt how i appear to other people more”
its almost like every mental health resource was right and that it was always about more than weight in the first place! wow! crazy!!
this is mostly a rant/rave (im on mobile) but if anyone relates to any of this i’d be interested to hear
Can someone explain some of these odd symptoms to me please!!
/u/yayokittenxo
Created: Fri Apr 20 13:23:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dq95n/can_someone_explain_some_of_these_odd_symptoms_to/
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Hello, i'm 16 years old and i'm on my 5th year with my eating disorder. I've been noticing more and more changes in my body recently. I just got finished purging an hour ago and my stomach aches and i feel slightly nauseous, i also noticed a slight bit of blood when i blew my nose while i was purging because it was running (i didn't binge, i just ate some stuff i didn't feel quite good about eating so i purged it..) i decided to eat 2 eggs to see if it'd make me feel any better but it hasn't. To be fair i did do a restrictive liquid fast yesterday and restricted prior to that and took some ducolax. I've been abusing laxatives on and off since septemberish or maybe even a bit before that. I don't know if i really fucked up my system or what from those. Yesterday and wednesday aswell the back of my head was throbbing so badly and my mouth was so dry. Whenever i stood up my thighs felt so like sore. Like the feeling you get after exercising except it was only from standing. My neck was aching and my joints were cracking aswell but im assuming it was from exercises i was doing. I noticed i developed a knot on my calf like a little ball under my skin and i can move it and it feels so gross but doesn't hurt.
[Discussion] What's it like having an irl eating disordered friend?
/u/martpogboi [5'7 | CW 116.6 | BMI 18.2 | HW 140 | LW 99 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 13:16:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dq7jv/whats_it_like_having_an_irl_eating_disordered/
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So as far as I know, I've only ever met one other person who I know for CERTAIN has an eating disorder and although we talked for like a week about them with each other, we were never actually friends. I've always fantasized about having an actual physical friend in the same boat as me partially because it would be great to be able to discuss this shit with someone, partially for my weird ass competitive/comparative side so I can track my own shit against someone else (god that's selfish). I guess I'm wondering if any of you have had friendships with other ED people and what's it actually like/ how did you find them?
[Goal] Dr. Dray is everything I aspire to be.
/u/Oat_fiber [5'2" | 117.2lbs | 31F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 12:49:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dq0br/dr_dray_is_everything_i_aspire_to_be/
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Educated. Professional. Has her shit together. Friendly and likable. Unnervingly skinny.
And oh, those shoulder knobs. I long to have a neckline and shoulders like her.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnxmUrGMtpQT844Yd_l7Zyg
[Rant/Rave] How do people eat so confidently in public?
/u/finnkat [5'3" | 94 lb | 19F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 12:43:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dpyl4/how_do_people_eat_so_confidently_in_public/
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Every day at work during my lunch, i am just so baffled by everyone eating around me. Some people bring really messy or loud food like ramen and just slurp it and get it everywhere, or, i work at a store similar to walmart, and its pretty popular for people to buy a bag of chips and just eat that for lunch. A whole bag of chips. In one sitting. In front of everybody. Or, some people even do both! Bring their own lunch AND buy some junk food to go with it. How on earth do people do that without feeling awkward and ashamed? I bring a quest bar and a powerade zero and /I/ feel awkward and ashamed. Even before i had an eating disorder I was super anxious about eating in front of people. How are so many people so nonchalant about everyone seeing them eat???
[Other] Happy 420 guys! (low cal/carb recipes included)
/u/picattapinata
Created: Fri Apr 20 12:27:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dpu5v/happy_420_guys_low_calcarb_recipes_included/
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For everyone who’s looking to get the munchies today, here’s some healthy options :)
[cauliflower stir fry ](https://www.skinnytaste.com/cauliflower-fried-rice/)
[spaghetti squash lasagna ](http://www.eatingwell.com/recipe/252696/spaghetti-squash-lasagna-with-broccolini/)
[tea leaf salad ](http://www.eatingwell.com/recipe/262787/tea-leaf-salad/)
[low cal spicy cabbage soup ](https://www.oatmealwithafork.com/low-calorie-spicy-cabbage-soup/)
[low cal strawberry cake](http://www.menuofmusings.com/low-calorie-desserts/)
Edit : don’t forget halo top. Just tried the pancake/waffles flavor and it tastes like legit sugar filled ice cream. It’s amazing with strawberries !!!
Wish I could live like a normal teenager again
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Fri Apr 20 12:24:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dptfi/wish_i_could_live_like_a_normal_teenager_again/
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I just regret loosing weight.I'm not even underweight but just the obsessive calorie counting and food preopucation is ruining my life. Can't even enjoy a beer anymore without feeling guilty about the calories. Life sucks
[Discussion] I thought everything was absorbed in your stomach after 40 minutes. How am I puking up stuff from over 2 hours ago?
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 60 | 20.05/19.81 | GW: 57 | UGW: <55 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 12:22:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dpt0c/i_thought_everything_was_absorbed_in_your_stomach/
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Maybe this should be saved for the stupid questions thread, but basically the title.
I didn't even eat much to be honest..< 1000 calories. :( Though it's been mainly cabbage and protein powder (including what I've been bringing up TMI)
Is oral fixation a thing?
/u/BurnBridgesLiteMyWay
Created: Fri Apr 20 12:22:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dpsz5/is_oral_fixation_a_thing/
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I do fantastic restricting and focusing on eating so healthy... and then WHAM! I lose all control, I’m not the same person and I am unable to stop myself. It’s disgusting! What I’ve really noticed as I’m trying to control this bingeing is that I don’t even notice the food hit my stomach. It’s all about the feel of the food in my mouth, the texture and flavor, but probably more so the texture. My binges are 100% sweets but I pick them mostly for the texture and how long I can make them last in my mouth. Is anyone else like this? How do I stop?
[Help] HELP! I've lost almost 50 lbs and I've never felt worse about my body :(
/u/darwinsfinch20
Created: Fri Apr 20 12:13:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dpqhi/help_ive_lost_almost_50_lbs_and_ive_never_felt/
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Hey guys,
At Uni I got up to \~170 lbs, over the last two years since graduating I've lost almost 50 lbs \(I still have 3 more pounds before I get there!\). Before going to university I was \~150, so this is the thinnest I have EVER been. For reference I am 5'4" and 23yo.
Even though I see the difference on the on the scale, in photos, and in my clothes, I still think I look like I need to lose another 10\-15 lbs. I hate the way I look most of the time, especially my upper arms and inner thighs.
I started getting into some bad habits recently, I was doing intermittent fasting and only eating 500\-1000 kcals a day. A couple weeks ago I experienced the most intense spell of depression and disassociation and I decided I needed to up my kcals and protein. Since then the depression has gotten better, but I'm still having horrible body dysmorphia.
I'm also really struggling transitioning into a non\-restrictive/maintenance way of eating. How many kcals should I eat? Should I keep avoiding carbs? I'm so confused about what foods are good and bad and I beat myself up whenever I eat anything and I am constantly obsessing about food. It's hard because I know logically I should focus on satiation and balancing macros and allow myself to enjoy life again, but I just feel so trapped. Any help or support would be really great. When will my head catch up to my body?
Here is a before and after for reference: [https://imgur.com/a/5W7EovW](https://imgur.com/a/5W7EovW)
[Discussion] Other LGB people: has your ED affected your same-sex attraction?
/u/hemera-ilios [21 F| 6'0| CW 162| BMI 22.0| HW 185| GW 120]
Created: Fri Apr 20 12:05:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dpobu/other_lgb_people_has_your_ed_affected_your/
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I'm bi, and I know I'm into women and have been for a long time, I've enjoyed being with women, etc.
But I've noticed over the past few years that sometimes I can't tell whether I'm looking at a woman out of sexual attraction or out of ED-fuelled admiration. Like, there are definitely women I look at and I know it's 100% the former. I'm super into short chubby-ish girls with thick dark hair and dark eyes and brown skin, like a lot, and I know that has nothing to do with my ED. But sometimes I see a super-petite, super-skinny girl, or a girl with a really defined thigh gap or something, and I'll think I find them attractive, but it's hard to tell if it's genuine attraction or if my ED's just like 'they are somebody who looks good and you should look like them'.
This has extended into my porn preferences too. Most of the girls I watch in porn are really thin, and I almost feel like I'm watching it as thinspo sometimes, even if the initial intention is to, like, get off.
It's weird and I hate that my ED is impacting my sexuality. It doesn't really matter in a practical sense, because I have a long-term nb masculine partner who I'm fully committed to and don't want to get with anyone else, but my sexuality's part of my identity and it's just.. kinda confusing rn.
[Rant/Rave] I want to apply to be a package handler at UPS, but I'm really weak.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 136 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 11:38:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dpgk9/i_want_to_apply_to_be_a_package_handler_at_ups/
---
I like being active, I really do, but I cannot stand exercising in a gym or in the sun or in the cold, OR in my house or neighborhood (because living here with my parents has become really triggering, etc.). Plus I've become so weak over the past two years because in 2016 I relapsed into heavy restriction and lost a bunch of muscle mass, and I spent most of 2017 in bed bc of my depression, so very little strength has returned to me.
I highly doubt I could lift or carry anything over 50 lbs, and doing that "occasionally" is required for the job. It says in the application they can make reasonable accommodations, but I can't with good conscious agree that "I believe I can perform all the job requirements." I contacted them with my concern, so maybe it will be ok, but facing the limitations my mental illnesses have put on me is frustrating and saddening.
Lastly, **this job could help me make progress in recovering from my ED and depression**. PLUS the part-time package handler position gives education benefits, and I'm returning to college in the fall after so much on-and-off school shit.
Idk. I get excited and hopeful very easily. And also worried and discouraged :\
[Discussion] Questions for those of you who can’t see yourself recovering or have chronic EDs.
/u/helianthus_0 [5'4 ^ 120 lbs ^ 20.6 ^ F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 11:35:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dpfi4/questions_for_those_of_you_who_cant_see_yourself/
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1. Do you think recovery is possible for other people?
2. What is it about you/your ED that makes recovery impossible for you?
[Help] Parents are going away for a week. . .
/u/glorydaisy [5'3 | CW 118 | UGW 100]
Created: Fri Apr 20 11:04:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dp6y0/parents_are_going_away_for_a_week/
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I'm stuck with my brother for a week while my parents go on vacation this Sunday. I don't know what to do. If I really wanted to, I wouldn't have to ingest a thing for six days, since my brother doesn't pay attention to literally anything at all, and I don't think he'd notice whether I ate or not. But I'm afraid I'd end up binging eventually, since my mom bought a lot of food to last the week. There's also hoping my brother eats it all, but it's likely he will. He's eaten the whole pantry on multiple occasions.
What would you do?
[Other] rice
/u/sugarpiIl [5'5 | 199 | 33.11 | 3 lbs lost | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 11:02:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dp6g6/rice/
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rice is 200 cals per serving and having that for dinner would fuck w my cal limit so guess who put their entire bag of dry rice in a giant bowl and is now putting them in separate sandwich bags to have custom, 70 cal servings? this girl lmfao
[Other] FitRockr group?
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Fri Apr 20 10:51:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dp3ax/fitrockr_group/
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Does anyone use fitrockr? It’s like being a part of a Fitbit group but isn’t confined to just fitbits, pretty much any fitness tracker (even just a phone) and you can use aliases of course. There’s (free) apps on the play store and App Store.
Anyone looking to create/join a group?
Scientists have characterized for the first time a complex, little-understood cellular receptor type that, when activated, shuts off hunger. (haha whaaaa just gonna leave this here)
/u/silverkel
Created: Fri Apr 20 10:44:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dp1ey/scientists_have_characterized_for_the_first_time/
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http://www.humanbioscience.org/2018/04/Biologist-uncover-potentials-to-beat-obesity-at-cellular-level.html
[Other] If only I could fight hunger for $1
/u/coconutfi [5'9" | CW: 125 | GW: 116 | 21F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 10:43:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dp14o/if_only_i_could_fight_hunger_for_1/
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https://i.redd.it/3bk55wrbe3t01.jpg
Have a blazetastic day y'all
/u/Freesia1654 [5'2" | Fat Fuck | GW 90]
Created: Fri Apr 20 10:18:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dou4f/have_a_blazetastic_day_yall/
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May you feel beautiful, important, and awesome on this wonderful Friday!
What's on your pro ED playlist ?
/u/littlejanedoe- [5'2" |CW:123lbs | GW:112lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 09:53:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8don6v/whats_on_your_pro_ed_playlist/
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[Discussion] Weird question, but does "The Little Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly" book freak you out as much as it freaks me out?
/u/Type40BlueBox
Created: Fri Apr 20 08:33:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8do15y/weird_question_but_does_the_little_old_lady_who/
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My ED is out of control
/u/harpooncatz
Created: Fri Apr 20 06:59:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dnd67/my_ed_is_out_of_control/
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So, I'm kind of going through a lot right now, and anytime I'm going through a lot I tend to hyper focus on things I can control like my eating for example. Unfortunately, when I'm feeling stressed out I also tend to binge. So, these past few weeks have been a delerious combination of binge, binge, binge, restrict, restrict, restrict.
Yeah, so, 2 days ago I ate over 3000 calories. In my fucked up brain, I thought that meant that I had to make up for it by overdosing on my Vyvanse... I normally take 40 mg of Vyvanse to control my ADHD symptoms. Yesterday, I decided that it was a smart idea to take 80mg.
Never do this. I repeat never do this. The entire day I felt like I was seriously under attack. My sympathetic nervous system was hyperactive and my heart rate was in a constant state of overstimulation. I didn't even feel like I could sleep, and it had been over 10 hours since I had taken the dose.
I seriously went in to work, hyper focused on one task for 8 hours, and felt like my day had gone in the span of 30 minutes. It was not a fun high at all. My hands were trembling, I was shaking, sweating, hyperventilating a little bit. Definitely not a good time.
I swear to God, sometimes it feels like my ED is a little devil on my shoulder convincing me to do fucked up shit to my body because of reasons. It's the worst.
Men with ED thread
/u/HobbitProstitute [Height: 5'7 | CW: 11st8 | BMI: 25.3 | Weight Lost | Gender: M]
Created: Fri Apr 20 06:44:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dn9wx/men_with_ed_thread/
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Although this sub appears mostly female, I know there are some guys around (probably lurking like me).
How are things? Anything you want to say that you feel you can't say elsewhere?
For me, life is good but a little lonely. But I've got video games to feel better. I finally managed to persuade my mum to avoid buying trigger foods so the kitchen is now no longer scary. As a gay dude I definitely feel pressure to constantly improve my body/face. How are you?
[Goal] Tying a sweatshirt around your waist and having the arms go all the way around so the shoulders meet 👌
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 60 | 20.05/19.81 | GW: 57 | UGW: <55 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 06:44:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dn9ws/tying_a_sweatshirt_around_your_waist_and_having/
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[Discussion] Goal: Plan out "fun" weekend meals and stick to them
/u/dotprinceton [5'3" | CW 96.2lb | BMI 17.51 | GW 92lb | 37F]
Created: Fri Apr 20 06:41:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dn98f/goal_plan_out_fun_weekend_meals_and_stick_to_them/
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I do well during the workweek and then "reward" myself with what amount to binges on the weekend. I'm at a decent low weight (for the last year or so) right now and don't want to keep losing progress every Monday morning, when I shoot up 4-5 pounds. It takes me until mid-week to start seeing real losses again.
I still want to create a "reward," but I'm working on redefining that. So my plan is to have special meals, but to make them lower calorie. I'll still feel like it's something special for the weekend, but it won't send me completely off the rails.
I'd appreciate any tips or strategies that have worked for you. Thanks!
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! April 20, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Apr 20 06:13:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dn36j/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_april/
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This is the weekly picture thread for April 20, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 20, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Apr 20 06:12:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dn35m/daily_food_diary_april_20_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for April 20, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] Fasting Rant
/u/Pr3Apocalypse [5'6"| 133 | 21.5| 2 | Non-Binary]
Created: Fri Apr 20 02:50:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dm51l/fasting_rant/
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I work in a place where I have to be on my feet for my whole shift, and its really frustrating because I can make 24 hours but beyond that its just a world of grump and eventual giving in to the food. On the bright side, I have no problems fasting on my days off, since I sit on the computer for most of the day. Why can't I go for like 48 man >:v Anywho- rant over.
[Rant/Rave] The epitome of everything undesirable
/u/Chouchoutrain [5'5 (166cm) | 108 (49 kg) | UGW: 92 (42kg)]
Created: Fri Apr 20 01:22:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dlst9/the_epitome_of_everything_undesirable/
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I have scoliosis, I have an overbite, I have severe myopia, I'm naturally apple shaped, I have no boobs, I'm naturally sallow skinned, i have bowed legs,, mousyed, brown eyed and plain as fuck and i just want to kill myself. I hate myself. In wish I had a shit ton on money like the Kardashians to spend on beautify myself but I'm also poor as fuck. Yeahy me. Maybe i wouldn't have an eating disorder if I was actually pretty.
[Rant/Rave] Insensitive friends and other people BASICALLY A MESS OF A POST
/u/miracleunicat [5'6 | CW: 109 | GW: 65]
Created: Fri Apr 20 01:16:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dlrr5/insensitive_friends_and_other_people_basically_a/
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I have one friend that I pretty much tell anything, and so she knows pretty much everything about my eating disorder/ other mental health issues, some of which she shares. She does NOT however have an eating disorder. She does, however, naturally look thinner than she is because of how her weight distributes. She also has some body image issues but none that result in actual ED behaviors. But she always talks about how she shouldn’t have eaten so much and how she’s fat. The thing is that she isn’t fat, and she has confessed to me multiple times that when she says that it’s just so that other people will tell her how pretty she is. Which I get.
Im addition to all of this, EVERYONE thinks that she is just SO SKINNY and that she must have an eating disorder. This is extraordinarily irritating to me because a. She really isn’t that skinny she just doesn’t carry weight in her waist area, and instead it goes to her hips/ legs. This makes her look way thinner than she is.
Even though right now I’m kind of fat in my eyes (bmi of 18.7), I used to be WAY thinner than her. I have body dysmorphia so I couldn’t see it, but I could know by her weight (I knew it because of sports). But no one would EVER comment on how I was thin unless it was to make fun of me, and then I couldn’t tell of they were serious or not.
It just is awful for my body image to have basically my best friend constantly being praised for being thin and beautiful while I am called fat and ugly.
I think that if I could just have one person tell me exactly what I looked liked and be brutally honest about everything, I would at least know where I stand. But people at school say that I’m fat and my mother is afraid to say anything. My friend dismisses my comments. The only thing I would think of to do is talk to someone online, but I’m scared of having my picture everywhere and it somehow getting to my school or something.
HELPPPP MEEE PLEEEASEE!
Whats the most ridicilous ED thing you've done?
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Fri Apr 20 00:54:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dlnud/whats_the_most_ridicilous_ed_thing_youve_done/
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Mine was fasting on Christmas day
[Help] How do you prepare shirataki noodles?
/u/lights-in-the-sky
Created: Fri Apr 20 00:34:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dlkdu/how_do_you_prepare_shirataki_noodles/
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I've been buying shirataki noodles from an Asian market for awhile now - usually the [tofu variety](https://s3.amazonaws.com/spoonuniversi-wpengine/spoonuniversi/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2015/10/shirataki.jpg) but I have the kind with 0 calories, too. I have never been able to prepare them in a way that gets rid of the strange brine taste. Should I boil them, rinse them, or something else? And what do you guys usually eat them with? Any advice would be much appreciated!
[Rant/Rave] An alcoholic with an eating disorder? Ridiculous.
/u/liliane_of_londor
Created: Fri Apr 20 00:28:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dljdg/an_alcoholic_with_an_eating_disorder_ridiculous/
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My alcoholism has affected my ED. I drink at least 12 16oz beers a day. Each 16oz costs 136 calories, so x12 is 1632 calories. This amount of calories is already too high for my daily intake. I walk 2 hours every day to bring it down to 1232. When I eat, I get sick. I think I have pancreatitis. Literally anything I eat comes back up. I get intense stomach pain after eating and eventually throw up. I imagine at least 50% of the food I eat is regurgitated unintentionally, and 30% more is regurgitated intentionally.
Because of this, my weight is not dropping. I cannot drink less, but I can eat less. Every day I try to eat less and less. I barely eat at all anymore. Most of my calories come from alcohol. Many days my only calories come from alcohol.
I don't know what to do anymore. I am damn near the end of my rope when it comes to financing this addiction. I truly hate myself. I hate the way I look. I hate how I act. I hate everything about myself. I try as hard as I can to not look in the mirror because I hate what I see. I just want to die. I truly want to die.
This is just too painful. I can feel my liver rotting. I don't remember what it's like to enjoy food. I just hate existence. Everything about it. Why was I even born? I'm sorry for wasting your time. I know this post is incomprehensible because I'm typing it while drunk off my ass. I just needed to type it.
[Rant/Rave] An Ultimatum- Skinny v Safety
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 85lbs | 16ish | -?lbs | f]
Created: Thu Apr 19 22:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dkxeh/an_ultimatum_skinny_v_safety/
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*disclaimer: I am very high and riding a tide of trauma and despair, read gently*
A few weeks ago I was given an indirect ultimatum; to gain some weight, or be committed to a ward.
I weighed 79lbs.
If i'd been hospitalized, they'd have wanted to pump me up to 100+
I've never had a triple-digit weight.
So, i got myself a couple packs of Ensure Plus and submitted myself to the role of a piñata. Cutting my losses (or gains). In go the calories, in comes the fat, and now, i weigh 85lbs and my thigh gap is almost all the way filled in. I have bird bones. There's just not enough room on me to accommodate that much weight. I can feel it clinging to me, all the time. The way the tops of my thighs rub when I walk.
The threat of hospitalization and all the inhumanity (weight gain aside) that that entails stole away the only thing I liked about myself. The only thing I was proud of. The only thing I was good at.
The sacrifice is, I know, worth it. I'll be healthier. I'll be warmer. I'll think just a little more clearly. And, most importantly, I'll be immune from the abuse I experienced during my hospital stay years ago.
That stay is, ironically, much of why i'll never recover.
The *person* (as unfitting as that word seems for such a thing) responsible is still employed there, and given there's not another facility anywhere even close to near by, I'd end up back there again.
It's driving me mad.
I want to just rip it all off, but hey, that would *definitely* get me hospitalized.
I've had to pick between feeling secure in my skin and between my sanity.
I can't sleep. I can't focus. All i can think about is how I cannot be both happy *and* healthy, because i'm only even close to happy when i'm skinny.
[Rant/Rave] violin hips? more like thanks bones for making sure i will never look normal
/u/patroclues
Created: Thu Apr 19 22:25:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dkwoy/violin_hips_more_like_thanks_bones_for_making/
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i have the highest hips on this god damned planet. my hip dips are so extreme that no matter how much weight i lose i will still look like a misshapen pom bottle
i have no idea what i look like and when i try to find photos of people the same height/weight/bmi/measurements as me it only makes it worse. i dont even think its the dysphoria
there are just so many things i wish i could feel confident wearing but im stuck in a body thats so mushy and boney at the same time. i think i reached the point where its just about compulsion, self hatred, and obsessing over something so consuming because my life is completely empty. i dont even remember who i was before
i just want to be normal
Me_irl
/u/SwedeObsessedLady
Created: Thu Apr 19 21:49:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dkphm/me_irl/
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https://imgur.com/FrD8bnj
[Rant/Rave] Week at dads house-
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Thu Apr 19 21:16:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dkiis/week_at_dads_house/
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I’m at my dads for next 8 days. It is so hard because I’m used to doing OMAD or fasting, and I’m now expected to eat 2 meals a day (I can get off breakfast as I say I’m not hungry).
I can feel my stomach stretching. I’m used to max 500-600 cal a day, but I must be double that atm. I feel full, bloated, puffy, gross.
The problem is, the binging part of me wants to take advantage of this. Once I start eating I find it hard to stop so now I’m snacking as well.
Feeling out of control. Am at my lowest adult weight and don’t want to sabotage myself. Have accepted I have to eat while I’m here.
Sorry for the rant. Just feeling unsure and unhappy and don’t know what to do!!
Anorexia in the DSM 5
/u/islesoflightlessbird
Created: Thu Apr 19 20:44:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dkbpx/anorexia_in_the_dsm_5/
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Hi guys.
Something i've been wondering for awhile is how anorexia is diagnosed in the DSM5. Are people actually diagnosed with anorexia only if they're underweight? If so, what makes someone who's restricting the same amount of someone who's underweight and happens to not be underweight NOT anorexic? Where do I fit? I'm certain I have a problem, but if it's not anorexia, then what is it?
[Rant/Rave] Noooooo sex drive. :( (NSFW)
/u/variousnecessities7 [5'4" F|CW 136|SW 145]
Created: Thu Apr 19 20:35:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dk9rk/noooooo_sex_drive_nsfw/
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Hi
restricting, binging, and hating my body all really fucking diminish my sex drive
Usually my menstrual cycle AT LEAST kicks some fire into me. Not this month. Just...nothing. I'm not even masturbating.
Starting to cause some friction in my relationship. My relationship is healthy enough that I can say, "I'm sorry, but my mental health recently has really fucked with my sex drive," but still, it sucks. I wish this didn't have to be an issue.
Ugh.
[Rant/Rave] My sister told me that she feels inspired
/u/voldemortshorts
Created: Thu Apr 19 20:25:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dk7l7/my_sister_told_me_that_she_feels_inspired/
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By some girls at her work that used to weight 400+ lbs and are now maintaining at <110 lbs. And she had this look on her face and she said much heavier than both of us (with a look at my belly like she couldnt believe i wasnt 400 lbs since she has seen me weight myself ) but wow. It took them 9 years for one and five for the other to lose the weight. That should have been the end, but i cant help but keep thinking that she was saying that I look like i am 400+ lbs. I have never carry my weight nicely and i am extremely short so every pound does show. I fasted for almost 28 hours today, but I binged because my mom made a horrible joke and kept reminding me of stuff that i am not ready to deal with and she wouldnt stop talking even when i begged her to, so this was really what i needed to end my day on a good note.😐🔫
[Other] i know I’m crazy because I saw this and thought “So i should put everything into being as skinny as possible”
/u/nchlaz [5'11 | 137 | 18.5 | -70 | M]
Created: Thu Apr 19 19:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dk2h9/i_know_im_crazy_because_i_saw_this_and_thought_so/
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https://i.redd.it/0kg1w893zys01.jpg
[Discussion] I just ate toilet paper
/u/toriaponte12
Created: Thu Apr 19 19:42:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dk0nu/i_just_ate_toilet_paper/
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I used to be 120 and I was forced to weigh myself at the doctors and I'm 147.8 I've been looking at meanspo on Tumblr and I'm so triggered I just ate toilet paper so I won't be hungry....
[Rant/Rave] All the emotions
/u/crochetyhooker [5'8" | CW 196.8 |GW 180|UGW 140]
Created: Thu Apr 19 19:39:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8djztt/all_the_emotions/
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Mom still in the hospital. Had my first STEPS group today. Sat with mom and dad all day in a claustrophobic room. Dad got mad at me at the end of the night for requesting a professional come speak to her about her suicidal ideation, med withholding and depression. Husband sent me grocery shopping and of course wants crackers and doughnut holes which takes me into two binge aisles. AND some bitch decides to tell me to "eat healthy" on a thinspo food journal thread. I'm in panic mode. I want all the food, I want none of the food. I want to go home and kill my body with laxatives.
Crisis in the oreo aisle of walmart.
Send help.
[Rant/Rave] Manipulation
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Thu Apr 19 19:20:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8djvnf/manipulation/
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this is suppppperrrr sneaky but that’s why we are all here isn’t it??? i just need to vent bc i’m proud and really isolated during this whole thing and that’s why i love this forum.
i “recovered”, not only to relapse. i’m a minor so this was all pretty much my plan all along... i need to get my nutritionist out of my hair. it’s been a year now AND TODAY SHE TOLD ME I COULD STOP SEEING HER. perfect bc iv been losing weight for 2 weeks and couldn’t seem to have “any time” for an appointment. she saw me today, my mom told her i was not restricting at all and stopped binging. little does she know i lost 5 pounds this week :) she conveniently forgot to weigh me. my mom told my family i recovered and they are sooo happy. weight loss time mother fuckers. everything is falling into place. am i crazy.....
[Discussion] always feel like everyone is staring at me at the grocery store
/u/deathconscious [5'8.5 | 121 | BMI 17.9 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 19:19:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8djvan/always_feel_like_everyone_is_staring_at_me_at_the/
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I know they're usually not, and everyone has their own day to day shit to deal with. But oh god, grocery shopping is one of my biggest anxiety triggers. Even the self checkout isn't "safe" anymore because they're all close to each other and I feel like people are looking at what I got.
I either go to the store to stock up on my safe foods and super healthy stuff, spending hours looking at labels until I get weird stares. Or I go just to get atrocious binge foods which i try to conceal in my basket/cart because I'm embarassed. I feel like either way people who look at me or acknowledge me in any way know that I have an ed.
[Discussion] sore teeth while fasting?
/u/69plasticflowers [5'6.5" | CW 138.5lbs | BMI 22.1 | 15lbs Lost | GW: 116lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 18:55:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8djptn/sore_teeth_while_fasting/
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anyone else's teeth feel sore while fasting? i tend to get this about 48h in and i can't find much information about it online. is it something to worry about?
[Help] "Normal" bmi but still always abnormally cold?
/u/iliveincandylandman [5'8" | 125.6 | 19.1 | F 29]
Created: Thu Apr 19 18:43:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8djn2v/normal_bmi_but_still_always_abnormally_cold/
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So I'm 5'8 with a bmi between 19 and 20. My weight is definitely not dangerously low, I've weighed 105-110 before in my life when I was really bad in my addictions, right now I'm between 125 - 130 and trying to stay closer to 125... I was actually 127.4 this morning though 😢 which I guess isn't so bad because I was 131 just 4 days ago... anyway, I cannot stand being cold, at all, but I'm not even underweight, so what gives?
[Other] Recovery pictures where the after picture is stereotypically sexy and happy fuel my ED.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 90 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 17:47:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dja0i/recovery_pictures_where_the_after_picture_is/
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My therapist (who's disturbingly clueless, to be honest) showed me a few after pictures of fit, beautiful girls and kept insisting that I aspire to be that, but I'm too entrenched in my disorder to realize that healthy eating and exercise is the only route. I just nodded dumbly and pretended that my visceral response wasn't to recoil at the idea. I know being happy and desirable should be my ultimate goal, but it isn't. I don't want to be the after picture of the girl in yoga pants and a sports bra looking proud of her toned body and newfound curves. I want to be boyish and austere, I want to be above human urges like sex and hunger, I want to be an asexual creature that awes people with its frugality. I feel like striving to be attractive would cheapen me and turn me into an empty vessel waiting to be filled with other people's desires. The irony is that I couldn't be sexy if I tried, but my eating disorder revolves around distancing myself from that adjective. I kind of wish I had corrected him.
I just want to go away
/u/Cercyonis_Nymph
Created: Thu Apr 19 17:41:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dj8mb/i_just_want_to_go_away/
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I want to be in the woods. Just grab my tent, sleeping bag, and some water and head to the mountains. I don't need food. I don't even want it with me. Just one less thing to worry about. No cell service, no reminders of everything I deal with in my day to day life. I know the perfect place, right on the river. If I need to bathe I can brave the cold and hop in. If I need firewood, I can go and chop it myself, dragging it back to camp. I can feel strong. I can be strong. I can put my body to use and provide for myself. It's the only time I feel truly content and at peace with myself.
Unfortunately the people in my life tell me this is too dangerous. Small girls shouldn't go out into the woods alone. What if something happens? There's no cell service and no one would know. So instead I sit here. Wasting away mentally and physically. Hating myself. Hating my life. Contentment is so close, yet so far away... I just want to go away, but I don't want to be a burden and cause people to worry...
[Rant/Rave] Beyond frustrated
/u/Renegade_always_was [5'6.5 | CW 133 | UGW 115 | 21.15 | -25lbs | 21/F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 17:12:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dj1nf/beyond_frustrated/
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I had been doing so good and felt in control of everything for once in my life. I have no idea what happened today (literally nothing happened) and I just snapped. I ate everything in sight. I feel so sick. I’m just a sobbing crying mess on the ground...
sorry to rant, I’m just don’t know what I can do to prevent this from happening.
[Help] Can’t restrict like I used to?
/u/taiteisnotcool [5'7 | 128ish? | 19.9 | -20 | Female]
Created: Thu Apr 19 17:11:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dj1l1/cant_restrict_like_i_used_to/
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I’m just going to get straight to the point, I’m 15, one year weight restored at 5’7.5 and 128 pounds. I’m trying to just get down to 120 so I don’t feel as big and have been able to get back down to my low weight while relapsing last summer on about 1000-1200 calories but since about a week ago I’ve been eating at maintenance (what my diet Ian and doctor recommended) of about 1800-2200 calories, and then two weeks ago I was cleared for some exercise besides my weekly yoga class and I’ve gone down to around 1000-1600 calories a day plus burning 350 three days a week at the gym, but I just don’t feel like it’s doing anything at all? I’m worried I won’t lose weight unless I’m restricting heavily like I used to (200-800 calories is how I got to my lw. Has anyone else had any experiences with losing some/all recovery weight???
[Discussion] Who’s your support system?
/u/plaidpeonies [5’2” | CBMI: 21.8 | GBMI1: 21 | 22F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 17:09:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dj121/whos_your_support_system/
---
If you have one at all. When my bf‘s depression started, I realized I did not know the best way to take care of myself while also trying to support him. Realized my support system of my bf and 2 best friends may have been too few. I’ve always been a “lone wolf” type of person, so now I’m reading up on how to improve on that : )
i can reach my gw by my birthday as long as i stick to <1100 per day
/u/leschauvessouris
Created: Thu Apr 19 16:57:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8diy32/i_can_reach_my_gw_by_my_birthday_as_long_as_i/
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yall i need to write this out to be held accountable
i will not binge
i will not lose control
i will be 100 lbs by my birthday
and forget i was ever anorexic
[Rant/Rave] Mom came to visit from out of state...
/u/ghost_khajiit
Created: Thu Apr 19 16:57:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dixzf/mom_came_to_visit_from_out_of_state/
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...and we went out for almost every. single. meal.
I'm so upset because I was doing so so well, and I was losing inches, and my boyfriend told me he could tell I looked skinnier, and now it's all gone. She was here for a week and I think we went out \(or ordered delivery\) at least once every single day. Yeah, it was nice to have an excuse to stuff my face with nachos and pizza and fancy brunch food, but now I'm off track for where I want to be when I go on vacation in August and I'm just beating myself up :/
The only (brief) times in my life that i havent been suicidal were when i wasn't fat. Who can relate?
/u/letstryforkarma
Created: Thu Apr 19 16:40:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ditzz/the_only_brief_times_in_my_life_that_i_havent/
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[Help] EC stacks and smoking weed?
/u/sapph666 [Height 5'6" | CW just yikes | GW 129]
Created: Thu Apr 19 16:37:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dit30/ec_stacks_and_smoking_weed/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Victoria's Secret Vlogs
/u/dearisabella [5'2" | GW: 110 | UGW: 100 | 21F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 16:28:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dir2d/victorias_secret_vlogs/
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I used to love watching mukbangs, but recently they have been making me want to eat more (ugh, pasta/noodles).
If you guys don't know, some Victoria's Secret models like [Romee](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOXFVINC6GCo86LBy0NQCIg/videos) and [Sanne](https://www.youtube.com/user/Sannannas95/videos) vlog on their YouTube channels! [Tatiana Ringsby](https://www.youtube.com/user/Tatianaringsby/videos), who has modeled for VS Pink and Brandy Melville, also vlogs. These girls are all white and super tall, so I know I won't look like them even at my UGW, but they keep me on track. Their bodies can be a little triggering, so be cautious.
Do you guys follow any IG or regular models on Instagram or YouTube? What do you watch on YT besides mukbangs?
[Help] Zero calorie energy drinks
/u/Yatessc
Created: Thu Apr 19 16:27:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8diqrn/zero_calorie_energy_drinks/
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Is it for sure that zero calorie energy drinks are actually zero calories? Like rockstar sugar free and monster zero ultra.
They help me get through the day but I always feel guilty having them because there sweet. I have coffee too but it just doesn't have the same kick.
[Rant/Rave] Eating or not, still guilt. Yey.
/u/billionsofatoms [5'4"| 115lb | 20 BMI | GW: 90lb]
Created: Thu Apr 19 15:44:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8difq9/eating_or_not_still_guilt_yey/
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I gave up on recovery so I started restricting again. I have my daily number, which I have to respect of course. If I eat even 5cal over, I'm the most undisciplined walrus ever. If I eat too little (300-400cal less than my number), I'm stupid and endangering my health, losing muscle, killing myself, etc (!!??). Same happened when I used to be quite underweight too, before recovery (I tried.)
Seriously, 404 logic not found. Agghhh. I should be happy to eat much less!!! Not sad and worried! I'm losing weight anyway, brain!
[Other] That starvation high is always nice
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 15:32:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dicmk/that_starvation_high_is_always_nice/
---
https://i.redd.it/hd7x604woxs01.png
[Help] Suggestions for huge appetites?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 15:30:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dic2l/suggestions_for_huge_appetites/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] DAE keep lowering their "Calorie Allowance"?
/u/CurlyHairPandaBear
Created: Thu Apr 19 15:19:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8di91w/dae_keep_lowering_their_calorie_allowance/
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Yesterday I had 243cal. (14oz Gatorade, & a snack bar)
Today I've had 213cal and feel like I can't have anymore EVEN THOUGH I actually have a 500cal/day allowance for myself.
But something just feels so good and accomplished about staying under 250 and then beating my previous days intake.
I mean, I certainly can't last long like this.... physically.... and when I break it'll end up being a binge in my mind (not in actuality) and I'll probably resort to purging which I'm really trying to avoid.
Today it physically hurt and I felt gross when I decided to have unhealthy snack as majority of my calories. (I currently don't have a kitchen, home is under renovations, so yay for making things more difficult) 1/2 cup cereal and 11 veggie crackers.
Anyone else along the same lines?
Sorry for this all being so long...🤦🏻♀️
[Discussion] How accurate is losertown for you guys?
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 15:17:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8di8oh/how_accurate_is_losertown_for_you_guys/
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I've been sticking pretty consistently to the same amount of calories, but I am losing way faster than projected. Did I do something wrong or is the calculation that site uses inaccurate?
[Discussion] The difference between an ED and a diet is...
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 15:04:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8di58r/the_difference_between_an_ed_and_a_diet_is/
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In my opinion: a diet I'm disappointed that I ate something unhealthy. My ED makes me feel disappointed for eating in general.
A diet is about losing weight and making my body healthy inside and out. My ED is about control and wanting to prove to others I'm better than them at something.
What's your opinion?
[Help] Elliptical bike, stationary bike or treadmill ?
/u/IHateBloodElves [5'3" | 136 | 25 | -38 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 14:54:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8di297/elliptical_bike_stationary_bike_or_treadmill/
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Hi,
I decided to put myself back on track and to do sports again. I remembered switching between stationary bike and elliptical bike, because when I lived at my mom's I had both. Now, I curently live at my bf's home and I want to buy one of those to begin with.
Which one of them is the most effective in terms of burning calories ? I wish first to thin my thighs and my stomach.
[Rant/Rave] Ice cream and chocolate
/u/MissMagus
Created: Thu Apr 19 14:49:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8di0zi/ice_cream_and_chocolate/
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I ate too much today and its not even 5pm. I was hungover this morning so I had breakfast with my friend - 2 eggs, 2 pieces of wheat toast, and some greasy home fries.
Then, I took a nap, woke up and ate a serving of ice cream (maybe 2? Rounding it up to like 200 cals) and then some bean crisps (another 160 maybe) and some cubed ham and bologna from the fridge. And then 2 pieces of salted caramel dark chocolate.
I didn't eat a single thing yesterday, just vodka and coffee. So like, my bod was clearly craving food like a MF'er cause I was dehydrated and pretty hungry.
I tried to count up my total today and its gotta be somewhere around 1500 or maybe even a smidge more 😓
I feel disgusting. Especially since i weighed myself yesterday and had lost like 4 pounds over the week.
How do I not feel bad about this?? Like, I really dont wanna beat myself up but im just so defeated right now.
[Rant/Rave] Breyers Ice Cream
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 120 | 20.54| GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Thu Apr 19 14:29:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dhvbk/breyers_ice_cream/
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I went to Tesco and bought a tub today to help cool me down in this 'heatwave' we're having and while I couldn't get the mint one I did get the cookies and cream one. Holy fucking shit guys it's so good! It's super creamy and they don't skimp on the cookie dough!
I think I have a new favourite ice cream and I can eat more than 3 teaspoons of it 😊
Who THE FUCK came up with cauliflower pizza
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Thu Apr 19 14:25:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dhud4/who_the_fuck_came_up_with_cauliflower_pizza/
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Spent ages tonight following a recipe to make one, it looked really good, like 300-350 calories. Bit into it and immediately spat it out, it was disgusting, purely because of the amount of cauliflower. I’m so disappointed, I was so excited to have something like pizza just made of safe foods. Don’t bother trying it if you’re considering it, not worth it at all.
[Rant/Rave] Ex's new girlfriend post.
/u/handzies
Created: Thu Apr 19 14:13:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dhqy6/exs_new_girlfriend_post/
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He was an abusive ass hole and his new girlfriend is beautiful and I'm HAVING A PANIC ATTACK OVER IT.
She's very thin, with shiney long hair, and wears cute stylish clothing. She has a nice job and is probably having great sex but better with the guy I used to. I am over here like "hello yes I am actual garbage"
Also! Since the break up guess who went out on a limb once and flirted and got VEHIMENTLY REGECTED. Oh man y'all, this person actively chose someone else over me, in front of me. I knew he kept girls around incase we broke up but like, I'm still so devistated from the break up I cant think of another man touching me. It's only been 2 weeks.
Brb sobbing forever and hating myself. I want to take a knife and cut fat off my body. I wanna hide in a dark room and not come put till I'm a new creature who has a waiste you can put both hands around. I want to go to somehwere no one knows me or can find me. Ugh. My insides feel like a chunk of grey rotting beef left in a damp ally way in the bad part of town. I want to never eat again. But I also want to eat till I die.
I used to feel pretty some days but now I just feel like in those days I was delusional! Or even worse that my ex slapped we with the ugly stick so that no one will love me again!!
[Tip] Brandless food shopping online
/u/mermaid_puppy [5'11" | 137lb | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 13:51:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dhkg5/brandless_food_shopping_online/
---
People here might be interested in checking out the food section of brandless.com. Everything is $3, free shipping on orders over $39, and all the nutritional info is provided online!! So you can shop without impulse buying in the store and won’t get weird stares while you read the labels. Some things are better deals than others for $3, but I’m interested in their soup selection. Oh, also it’s mostly non-gmo, ORGANIC, fair trade, no sugar added. Yas queen!
[Help] Headaches
/u/gabygorl
Created: Thu Apr 19 13:19:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dhbdj/headaches/
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Ever since I’ve started restricting heavily I’ve been getting these awful head aches. Don’t know if it’s just a coincidence or something to do with my restrictions ... anything I can do to sooth them without taking Advil???
[Discussion] Appetite supressants?
/u/nordic_alien [167cm | 130lbs | 22 | 20lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 13:15:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dhacf/appetite_supressants/
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Does anyone know of anything relatively healthy (i.e. NOT an ECA stack) that has worked for them? I have days where I am getting VERY close to my calorie limit very early on in the day and I would just like to maintain a low appetite to dinner time on these days. :/
Thank you!!
[Help] How many calories (estimate)? Having a hard time logging my binge...! - top is soft serve not whip cream and bottom is ferrero gelato with chocolate sauce I believe :)
/u/blingbling-bitch
Created: Thu Apr 19 12:26:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dgw8w/how_many_calories_estimate_having_a_hard_time/
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https://i.redd.it/kjud1f9srws01.jpg
i’m on my honeymoon
/u/lalalean
Created: Thu Apr 19 11:56:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dgnkm/im_on_my_honeymoon/
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i can’t stop binging and purging. my throat is raw from it and my stomach a mess. i usually restrict/work out but i’m on my honeymoon so that’s not happening. i feel so alone and i’m so mad at myself because these are not the memories i want from this trip. that’s all.
[Other] i've discovered many new amazing safe foods!
/u/dyingtobefitt [5'1 | CW 150lbs | Weight Lost 15lbs| F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 11:50:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dglvh/ive_discovered_many_new_amazing_safe_foods/
---
so i just got my wisdom teeth out and since i'll only be able to eat soft things i got myself some apple sauce, sf pudding and oatmeal.
and boy
i didn't realize how amazing these foods were.
my lunch was a packet of oatmeal (120) and a sf pudding (70)
only 190 calories and i'm so full!
these post is kinda pointless i'm just very happy about this discovery
[Rant/Rave] Just opened up about my ED to best friend, and she immediately tried shoving rehab down my throat.
/u/_queen_of_disaster_ [5'4 | CW: 109 | BMI: 18 | GW: 95 | 23F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 11:24:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dgeia/just_opened_up_about_my_ed_to_best_friend_and_she/
---
I tried the best I could to explain that I can't "just eat". I understand that's not easy to explain to someone who has a "regular" diet, but I tell this person *everything*. All of my ugly past, all my regrets. We both suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD and a slew of other mental shit. So that's been a huge bonding point for us and we're constantly lifting eachother up, sending eachother selfies when we feel good, and when we feel bad, and sending all of the "yass you go girl" kind of stuff.
We enjoy most of the same hobbies, music, fashion. We share similar views on touchy subjects. We've been through rough patches, but we always come out still loving eachother and our friendship. We just get eachother.
But my eating disorder...
She was very blunt. She told me to stop, that I'm beautiful, that it's not healthy. I tried explaining that it's not as easy as just changing my own perspective of how I see myself in the mirror. I tried getting her to watch a "What to say to people with an ED" video, and about a minute in she stopped and said that the person giving advice in that vid was beating around the bush and that nothing will improve unless you're direct about the issue: i.e., actively seeking recovery ~~and gaining weight~~.
I'm just at such a loss. It took me so much time to work up the courage to bring this issue up to *anyone*, and I thought she'd be a bit more... I dunno. I know she cares and just wants me to be happy. But this really did the opposite and just made me feel even worse about myself.
I was feeling so great this morning as I finally hit a mini goal of getting under 110lbs, and now I just want to cry. I feel alone in this. No one close to me in my life gets it. They try, they care, I know, but it's *not helping at all*.
If I hear... "did you eat?" "you need to eat" "here, try some of this" "guys like thick girls" "that's not healthy" "you're just going to lose muscle, not fat" "wanna go out to eat?" "I'll make something for you" "you don't need to lose weight" "you're already beautiful, don't ruin your body" ... one more damn time, I feel like I might explode.
[Rant/Rave] How do you ever know what you actually weigh?!
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 98 | 18.5 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 10:52:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dg5ge/how_do_you_ever_know_what_you_actually_weigh/
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I’m losing my shit right now. I’ve been steadily keeping my weight under 100 lbs. I just want to get to 95 so bad and I finally saw 97 on the scale yesterday and I was so excited.....went on today and suddenly it was 99. Which is fine - but then I moved the scale to a different spot on the floor and it said 104?! Wtf? Like a regular scale that isn’t digital isn’t accurate enough, it doesn’t tell me when I’ve lost 0.2 of a pound, but how can an electric scale say 98 lbs in one place then 105 in another? Am I actually 105? I wanna die...lol
[Other] Oops
/u/ohwellolivia
Created: Thu Apr 19 10:49:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dg4ds/oops/
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Had no appetite since Saturday night, and suddenly, I’ve been liquid fasting for 5 days. I’m living on coffee with Splenda and Diet Coke and vegetable broth. 5 days, 10 lbs down. I know it’s mostly water weight but it feels SO DAMN GOOD. I mean, not physically. Physically I feel like shit but I have zero appetite or drive to eat anything. Guess I’ll keep going until I pass out or die or something.
[Help] If I fast for 48+ hours then eat 4-600 calories a day following will I gain?
/u/dried_pineapple [4 '11 | Goal: 90 lbs | F 26]
Created: Thu Apr 19 10:44:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dg30k/if_i_fast_for_48_hours_then_eat_4600_calories_a/
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[removed]
[Help] Weird question incoming: What are some sexy foods?
/u/High_as_red [5'4 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 09:48:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dfn99/weird_question_incoming_what_are_some_sexy_foods/
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You know, what you'd picture yourself eating in a fancy cafe at tour ultimate goal weight? For example peaches. All the super pretty girls I know eat peaches in such a graceful way. And for example crisps/chips are an unnatractive food?
[Tip] Replacing Binge Eating with more enjoyable habits
/u/sicksadcook [162| 48.9 |19.03 | GW47 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 09:44:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dfmb3/replacing_binge_eating_with_more_enjoyable_habits/
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I finished reading "Brain over Binge" and decided to take action... The only person knowing about my ED is my fiancé... and it's usually worst when I'm in an unhappy and unsatisfied state of mind.
I am generally strong and tough, never giving up, always trying to find solutions and walking through difficult situations with a good amount of humour.
....but I kinda built up the habit of bingeing when I feel frustrated. Usually not like huge binges and also not particularly unhealthy ones... but where I live now, the food choices outside are limited and not great in quality and healthiness. I binged more often these days and after a while also forced myself not to purge.
The shock for my body coming from all this trashy food and also the unusual high amounts repetitively during several days really made me physically ill.
I had a hard and bloated stomach, until my body decided to purge by itself and this through all exits it has to offer at the same time (if you know what I mean). I felt miserable.
So I decided to change. I am still not quite at the point of quitting for good, but I did manage to not continue a 10day fast I had planned, realising that my mind was not in the right state for this and that it would only be counterproductive. I still fast on two days a week as I feel it is a good way of giving my body some time to rest and I do feel benefits. I try to eat more intuitively again.
.... and I talk with my fiancé about it. And obviously, I try to not give a fuck about what the primitive part of my brain has to say - to stop or set new paths regarding my habits.
I like to fuck, so now for therapeutical reasons, when I feel like I might eat unconsciously, I tell my fiancé to come. I write a message for example, saying I am incredibly hungry and in no time he stands in front of me with a big smile. It really helps. Rewiring habits in a playful manner, one could say.
It helps:
-because I'm not alone
-because it is something that really provides me with pleasure and it's something I love doing
-because I don't have to think about what I could do instead (going through lists of other options) whilst already stuffing myself with food
-because I don't have to "force" myself to do it
-because It's the only thing that makes me forget food for a while
-because I do something with someone I love and who loves me... because he makes me feel good and comfortable and we both profit.
Maybe this can help others who are comfortable with their partners and enjoy sex and try to find a way to change the way their brain is handling certain situations and rewire parts of it to form new and less destructive habits with something that rewards similar brain regions...
[Rant/Rave] It's not like it even makes me look nice
/u/pumpkinpieface [5'6 |107.4lbs| 20F|tf am i doing]
Created: Thu Apr 19 09:36:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dfk1g/its_not_like_it_even_makes_me_look_nice/
---
Literally the title....I've come to realize that I really don't actually give a shit whether I look dainty or cute or whatever. At my LW (90lbs) I seriously looked like a sad grey shrimp with eye bags. I looked like a lanky, cringy weirdo. Not exactly thinspo aesthetic goalz. Everyone said I looked sick and depressed. But all I cared about was that I was at that number. I didn't and still don't want to be pretty or hot or whatever. But it's still embarassing looking like that because people think you're a druggie freak? Or that you're dying of cancer. Deep down I want to look NEUTRAL. But I also can't weigh a healthy amount, because I'd go insane with anxiety. WTF...
[Discussion] “Safe day”.
/u/TheCuntInTheRye [5'7" | 19 | CW:134.4 | -16.4lbs | trans-male]
Created: Thu Apr 19 09:35:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dfjp6/safe_day/
---
Anybody else have a day that’s safer to eat than others?
My day is Saturday, since I go home to do laundry and I don’t want my dad to worry that I’m not eating again.
[Rant/Rave] Have you guys gotten any weird looks for using a food scale? Is it weird to people?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: 158.2 | -36.8]
Created: Thu Apr 19 08:43:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8df5jv/have_you_guys_gotten_any_weird_looks_for_using_a/
---
So I live in a house with 4 other girls. I don’t hide my food scale anymore and just keep it in the kitchen because I feel like a lot of people who aren’t concerned about their weight use it, too, for a variety of reasons. Also I’m chubby, so I don’t think they suspect that I care about my weight. Sometimes I weigh stuff in front of them if they happen to walk in on me preparing food. I get the weirdest looks from 2 of them when they see me measuring out my pasta, my sauce, salad, etc, like they would constantly side-eye the machine while I’m using it. Throughout the semester, one girl would ask me stuff like “are you weighing your food?” “What is that thing?” and then look at the scale in disgust. I think she’s expecting me to explain myself, but I never do. What’s ironic is that she’s going to med school next year so I thought she of all people wouldn’t be weirded out by this
[Help] Anyone on zolpiden?
/u/luluAita
Created: Thu Apr 19 08:36:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8df3r8/anyone_on_zolpiden/
---
So, I was prescribed zolpidem for my insomnia. It is very good and helps me fall sleep (witch is a real relief). Really in love with it right now!
The problem is: sometimes it makes me super hungry! A bad, bad craving creeps me after I take it.
Does anyone that takes it feel the same? What do you do to avoid eating?
(Misspelled the medicine name, sorry!)
very little thing but
/u/taikutsuu [5'8''|cw: 134lbs |gw: 100lbs |-12lbs |19f]
Created: Thu Apr 19 07:43:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8deq6g/very_little_thing_but/
---
I just noticed today that Schweppes has come out with a light version of their Bitter Lemon! I love this stuff but I was always worried about the calories (as in everything). But their light version is fucking 80 kcal for a whole one litre bottle of the stuff! I love the world right now and just had to tell someone. If I told my friends that, they'd be worried.
[Rant/Rave] I want people to be brutally honest about my appearance but when they are, it destroys my soul
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 98 | 16.3 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 07:28:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8demp7/i_want_people_to_be_brutally_honest_about_my/
---
In a society where "Everyone is beautiful", I feel like the meaning beautiful has no meaning anymore. Same with "skinny" - the American standard for skinny is just being a normal weight.
Body dysmorphia is a bitch and sometimes I just really, sincerely wish I knew what I looked like and how "good" or bad I look. Completely, brutally honest and objective.
As someone who defines their self-worth by their appearance, I'm seriously afraid of over-estimating my attractiveness and feeling better than I "deserve" to feel because I'm actually hideous.
I get angry whenever someone gives me the "you are beautiful the way you are" bullshit because they are not being honest. But whenever someone is actually honest in a negative way some part of me dies inside.
I was feeling insecure about my weight gain and asked my fiancé if he still found me attractive (I'm a BMI of 18-19, mind you). He said yes, but that he still preferred it when I was skinnier. I felt dumb for letting that hurt me so much because I asked for his honesty but it secretly crushed my soul.
Same with my mom and asian relatives. They will straight up tell me I'm not pretty. They always talk about how pretty my two siblings are and how I'm not, but at least I'm smart and have a good job. I laugh along with them and play the "smart girl who doesn't give a fuck about her appearance, so just go ahead and insult me"-trope when I just want to cry.
I can't even tell if I'm sad that I'm objectively ugly or because people close to me have hurt me. Maybe it's both. I really have to watch out what I wish for, because the outcome is destroying my self-esteem even more.
/end of rant
[Discussion] How do you see this ending for yourself?
/u/liquid_nitrogenn
Created: Thu Apr 19 07:06:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dehgo/how_do_you_see_this_ending_for_yourself/
---
One of my friends from IP just passed away recently due to complications from her anorexia. She was only a senior in high school.
I'm so heartbroken and upset, but on top of that, knowing that I, too, have anorexia, it brings up the question: will I also at some point unexpectedly die of heart failure or refeeding syndrome or some other complication from my anorexia?
I can't stop thinking about it, but I've convinced myself that no, that won't happen, because I'm big into harm reduction and currently all my labs, vitals, EKGs, and DEXA scans are all normal. My body is too physically "okay" for me to die from my ED.
But then I wonder how my eating disorder will actually end, assuming it doesn't culminate in death. Like my therapist - she struggled with bulimia for 30 YEARS before she recovered, and she still has weird food rules, despite her now normal eating patterns. And I worry that even just 5 or 10 years down the road, I'll still be crying over pasta and meticulously calculating the calories in homemade banana bread and planning my day such that I can have a slice without going over X calories.
I'm not willing to recover and weight restore (yet) at this point, so that really only leaves me with those two options: completely give in to my ED without a care of the consequences and die, or keep up with the harm reduction but stay in my ED and suffer for years and years and years. Neither option sounds nice, but I can't recover, so I've kind of accepted that this is what I'm facing.
So I'm just wondering - where do you guys see your ED "ending"? Do you see yourself recovering? Dying? Still struggling for years and years?
[Other] In a heavy relapse and finding myself missing the thing I hated the most??
/u/martpogboi
Created: Thu Apr 19 07:02:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8degh5/in_a_heavy_relapse_and_finding_myself_missing_the/
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Okay so, I've been for the most part pretty well in remission of my eating disorder for nearly 3 years (minus some short rough patches) and then about two months ago it hit full throttle and has been since. I've been alternating between fasting and restricting with some mild planned purges along the way (i.e family planned a meeting at big boy, I allow semi normal meal and purge in the bathroom before leaving the restaurant). All is well until this week when it occurs to me, surrounded by all of my boyfriends delicious binge food, I haven't had any desire to binge this time around. Which is HUGE because for about 2 years, it was almost like clock work massive fucking b/p all the time. It weirdly makes me feel like I am not relapsed enough because I'm not so hungry I have to snap and eat everything in a ten mile radius. I feel this inadequacy because I'm actually not doing the thing that always made me feel inadequate in the past ??
[Rant/Rave] 🙃 Logic is...
/u/HappierHungry [♀ | 5'10½" | BMI: 17 | CW: 55.5kg | GW: 50kg |]
Created: Thu Apr 19 06:59:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8defxg/logic_is/
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... binging for nearly a week without purging - but throwing up the tea from this morning and fasting for the rest of the day 🙃
I'm terrified of weighing myself so I'm just not right now.
Bonus: I have to be a Normal Social Person tomorrow. Fuck.
Life is fun.
[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support April 19, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 19 06:11:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8de5wk/weekly_emotional_support_april_19_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 19, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 19 06:10:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8de5n7/daily_food_diary_april_19_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 19, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] Shoutout to my therapist
/u/fiyacht524 [5'6" |CW 54kg |BMI 19| GW:48kg| Female]
Created: Thu Apr 19 06:04:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8de4gj/shoutout_to_my_therapist/
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Have been in an awful binge cycle ever since last week when I went away with my bf to a fancy hotel. Was feeling really down and shitty, I decided to break the cycle today by fasting for 48 hours.
I had an appointment with my college therapist who I haven't seen in three weeks. And she said I looked like I was back into the underweight BMI range!!!! I could barely hide my smile and laughing I was so happy!!!! Perfect motivation for today's gym session!!!!
weight redistribution
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Thu Apr 19 05:42:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8de07d/weight_redistribution/
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Is there any way to ensure that weight distribution happens or to speed it up (specific exercises, avoiding certain kinds of foods, supplements or hormonal medicines like birth control).
I always tended to gain weight in my midsection - it's what triggered my anorexia actually. Ten years later (I'm in recovery) I'm now gaining weight back to my stomach (and thighs too) and I hate it. I feel like uneven weight distribution is preventing me from making a full recovery. I also understand that many people do not fully redistribute which scares me very much.
[Rant/Rave] I want to fucking die, I’m such an idiot
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Thu Apr 19 04:55:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ddrln/i_want_to_fucking_die_im_such_an_idiot/
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I thought my coffee order was 18 calories. Turns out I’d been accidentally reading the ‘per 100ml’ and it’s actually like 60-70. I’ve not been drinking multiple a day or anything, mainly like one every other day or so, but that adds 50 onto days that I THOUGHT I’d only had 100-250 and I’m freaking out.
Ever want an eating disorder to get noticed?
/u/sarahsilverxo
Created: Thu Apr 19 03:06:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ddaf8/ever_want_an_eating_disorder_to_get_noticed/
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I'm so tired of being ignored, over looked, being treated like I'm no one. Maybe if I stopped eating forever I'd finally be noticed
"I Can't Believe it's not Butter" spray
/u/_thehotcheetodiet_
Created: Thu Apr 19 02:57:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dd8xl/i_cant_believe_its_not_butter_spray/
---
Y'ALL.
I just recently rediscovered this product and holy crap it's amazing. I've put in on popcorn, fruit, veggies, low cal bread, OATMEAL (amazing), fish, etc. I literally just spray it directly onto my tongue sometimes when I'm craving salty food.
It's 0 calories per 5 sprays (probably not in actuality, but its labeled as such so it's still super low calorie) and the bottle lasts forever. I used this all the time as a kid and can't believe I completely forgot about it.
This is seriously a holy grail for low calorie flavor 😭
'I can't believe it's not butter' spray
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 19 02:30:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dd59n/i_cant_believe_its_not_butter_spray/
---
[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Feeling hopeless in recovery
/u/katya_del_rey
Created: Thu Apr 19 02:17:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dd3eo/feeling_hopeless_in_recovery/
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God, it’s times like today that just really make me feel like such a fucking idiot. I ask myself why I do the things I do. I ask why I am the way I am. I ask myself for fucks sakes, get your fucking shit together. Please, just stop what you’re doing and fucking get help.
But I can’t. I don’t think I’m strong enough. I don’t think I’m worth it. I’m not good enough I say. Can things get better? Sure. But here I am just wondering. Hoping to see a chance in myself. Hoping for a better future where I don’t have to feel the same pain and misery I do now.
But until then, I guess it’ll be all but a dream. I feel down and horrible right now. But I need to get out of this cycle. I have to stop ruining my life. I need to stop dragging people into my issues. It all has to stop. I have the power. Just. Fucking. Stop it. Right now. Please.
[Discussion] Lightheadedness
/u/monstersona
Created: Thu Apr 19 02:16:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dd35y/lightheadedness/
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When did you guys first notice your lightheadedness? I think I got a glimpse of it today but I'm not 100% sure. Been restricting for almost two weeks.
[Rant/Rave] Italian takeaway
/u/meineschatzi
Created: Thu Apr 19 01:45:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dcyjx/italian_takeaway/
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Ugh my housemate’s brother is over and they ordered pasta and I haven’t been around food like that since this all started. My housemate knows so she tactfully didn’t ask if I wanted anything. I’m just devastated because I would’ve loved to have some pasta but I just can’t anymore :( and I’m gonna have to see it and smell it and know that I can’t have any. And I’ve reached 500 calories and it’s not even 6pm yet so I can’t even eat a substitute while they eat.
I feel fucking miserable about it, I miss being able to eat food like that without having a panic attack and wanting to hurt myself. This is so shit.
[Intro] I got diagnosed with an ED today
/u/catstille [5'8 | CW: 50kg | BMI: 16.7 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 01:35:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dcx58/i_got_diagnosed_with_an_ed_today/
---
Hey everyone,
I've lurked this sub for a long time and thought I'd finally introduce myself.
I've struggled with body image and disordered eating since I was 13, but it always had different forms. I'd have periods where I would restrict and count calories, periods where I binged non-stop, and even periods of 'normal' eating - as in, I just didn't worry about what I ate.
So, I guess I feel a bit confused with this new diagnosis. The past couple months have been stressful, so I started to lose a bit of weight. I liked it... and I guess it just kept going?
I weigh myself regularly, won't eat most types of food, I'm underweight... but now that I've been diagnosed with this it seems serious?
I'm also diagnosed with Body dysmorphic disorder, so I don't even have a clear idea of what I look like. People are saying I look sick and underweight.. and yeah I can see that I am skinny, but I don't see it as that bad?
Anyway, I'm sorry for the word vomit. But I hope to be accepted into the community :)
[Help] Any help?
/u/Pr3Apocalypse [5'6"| 133 | 21.5 | 2 | Non-Binary]
Created: Thu Apr 19 01:14:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dcu38/any_help/
---
I accidentally ate around 2500 calories today, with the bulk of it being some cheesy pasta a couple hours back. Now I feel like I'm gonna throw up because I ate way too much. This happens at work as well, and its really embarassing. Can anyone help me to figure out self control tips, especially in public?
[Rant/Rave] Ate what I wanted and had a major panic attack
/u/ricerollers [5'4 | Obese | -30 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 19 00:46:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dcpic/ate_what_i_wanted_and_had_a_major_panic_attack/
---
Title basically describes it all.
This morning I told myself I’d eat what I want today and I wasn’t going to punish myself for it.
Long story short, I had a lot of banana bread and ice cream today. I’ve been shaking all day and my head is spinning. I hate that I can’t eat things without hating myself for it. I refuse to purge anymore but I can’t help but wonder how much the scale will be up tomorrow.
And the weird thing is, I felt okay eating the ice cream.
I felt ~okay~ eating the ice cream, yet I couldn’t bring myself to eat the sandwich that I made for dinner. I don’t understand my brain.
Sorry this post is so random and disorganized. I can’t think straight right now and I can’t breathe.
Bllaahhhh
[Other] Nerdy roll call- Who (lol) else watched this episode of and cried because it couldn't come true?
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo [5'0|BMI:104.3|SW:285|CW:230|GW:75|FtM]
Created: Thu Apr 19 00:15:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dckp9/nerdy_roll_call_who_lol_else_watched_this_episode/
---
https://i.imgur.com/nHe3NEW.png
[Rant/Rave] I almost feel like thinspo I'm stoked guys
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 23:53:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dch21/i_almost_feel_like_thinspo_im_stoked_guys/
---
https://i.redd.it/s78b9xdd1ts01.jpg
[Other] I made a meme I thought should belong here
/u/oxygens_overrated [5'4|HW:150|CW:141|LW:113|GW:125 |F|]
Created: Wed Apr 18 23:22:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dcbjz/i_made_a_meme_i_thought_should_belong_here/
---
https://i.imgur.com/rdDHq9h.jpg
[Rant/Rave] losing weight so my boyfriend will never leave me for another girl
/u/creamybae1
Created: Wed Apr 18 23:22:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dcbir/losing_weight_so_my_boyfriend_will_never_leave_me/
---
a year and a half ago, we were just friends. he used to send me pics of girls that he thinks are really attractive and I look nothing like them. he used to say he finds less than 10% of girls attractive and that he has very high standards, but he doesn't say that anymore. I honestly think he settled for me and he drastically lowered his expectations and that if he met a more attractive girl (and he can), he would leave me in a heartbeat after knowing that he can do better.
I don't think I'm being irrational because there are just so many signs. he rated me a 6/10 not too long ago. I was also obese, but lost 40 pounds.. so now I'm just overweight, bordering on normal. still unattractively chubby though. I have scars on my back from stuff in my past and it's gross to look at, my hair sucks, and I have acne. all the girls he found attractive were really thin and cute. also, he's kind of a loner.. so I was the only girl that he became good friends with, so I was the only option to date anyway. Idk if he was desperate or he just came to like me because I'm the only girl he talked to and there was no one else to develop feelings for, but either way, I don't think he caught feelings for me purely because of me. this fear that he'll leave me for someone better is always looming over my head, and it motivates me to diet harder whenever I think about it, which is often. I think eventually it will happen, but it will soften the blow for me knowing that I'm thinner than his next girlfriend if I reach my goal weight
I know that you can find people more attractive if you like their personality, and maybe he did find me unattractive at first but genuinely started to like me for what's inside... but I really don't care about that. having a boyfriend who finds you desirable and attractive from the get go is such a great, powerful feeling. it's not a nice thing to know that your SO found you ugly at first, but changed their minds after seeing what a great personality you have. so many people have tried to convince me that this is "#goals", but it's fucking not. it's an insult, not a compliment. im sorry, had nowhere else to put this
[Discussion] insta
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 150 | BMI: 24.96 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Wed Apr 18 23:17:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dcann/insta/
---
does anyone have any good thinspo insta accounts? they can be real ppl or just ppl who post thinspo.
Do laxitives work?
/u/IDidNotTakeTheBrows
Created: Wed Apr 18 23:04:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dc8b8/do_laxitives_work/
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I've taken 10 from the suggested 2. I have a huge sore on my throat from binging. I'm trying to manage my ed and not binge with laxitives. Am I doing it ok? I've had a kid and I'm heavy since then.
[Rant/Rave] Sudden calorie recognition
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Wed Apr 18 22:25:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dc12k/sudden_calorie_recognition/
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Me and my friend were eating candy together. It took a lot of courage for me to ask them to get me some. We shared and it was fine until I saw them look at the nutrition label and say “Oh My God”. I asked what? And they said “nothing”... they know of my illness they know how uncomfortable I get around calories. They knew they fucked up a bit there and I’m not mad, just sad that I can’t eat the rest of my chocolate now....
Also holy shit the reddit mobile app got flair cool
[Help] No appetite/Nausea regarding eating?
/u/Firerose157 [5'4" | CW: ~118 | HW: 146 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 22:03:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dbwp5/no_appetitenausea_regarding_eating/
---
Been feeling really fatigued with pretty consistent stomach discomfort, even after eating. Food seems to be almost gross sometimes, like it will taste fine but I get almost nauseous eating? Making it a little harder to get calories in. Seems like food isn't satisfying my constant fatigue/slight body ache. What to do?
[Rant/Rave] Tomorrow is my 21st birthday
/u/skinnyfuckup
Created: Wed Apr 18 22:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dbw3u/tomorrow_is_my_21st_birthday/
---
Tomorrow I turn 21. All I want for my birthday is to be free from this disorder. It has taken so much from me, especially this past year. I want to spend my 21st birthday being normal and going out with friends and drinking because that’s what you do on your 21st birthday. But instead I’ll be spending time with my mom, going to work, and probably heading to bed around 9:30 with a pint of birthday cake Halo Top. I want to let loose on my birthday and let my family and friends take me out for meals and drinks and ENJOY those meals and drinks without being on the verge of tears trying to figure out how many calories they have. I want to enjoy cake and ice cream like a normal human being without trying to purge it afterwards. I’m exhausted. No matter how hard I try to fight this, I just can’t. I crave happiness and normality. For me, tomorrow just marks another day being a slave to this disorder.
[Rant/Rave] guilt and shame
/u/pm_me_ur_eyeholez [5'5" | -40 | GW: 107 | 26F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 21:51:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dbuct/guilt_and_shame/
---
Pls tag as rant/rave.
I need to vent some shit.
I'm prefacing this by saying that I just broke a 2 day fast with margaritas and tacos with a friend so I'm feeling SOME TYPE OF WAY anyway, but I have a friend who totally fucking ghosted me and another friend for 7 months who just recently reached out again. We told her we were hurt about her GHOSTING US FOR SEVEN MONTHS? and she came at us saying we didn't fucking do enough to reach out to her??? Like cool. I'm relapsing, I'm dealing with shitty shitty sexist and racist people at work all day, and some bullshit family drama, plus this nonsense person who clearly is not and prob has never been my friend.
But! who feels guilty and shameful about not being a good enough friend, coworker, daughter, or sister? Fucking me, that's who. These people don't give a fuck about me, my feelings, or my personal shit, but here I am, a walking human garbage can/vacuum, ready and willing to hold and suck up any residual guilt/shame/whatever they aren't willing to deal with. Yeah, just dump your crap on me because I'm too nice and passive and concerned about how you perceive me to care about my own mental and emotional well-being! Clearly I didn't do enough and I'm not good enough. Thanks for the reminder.
I'm so tired of caring and I'm real fucking tired of feeling bad for everyone who treats me like trash. I'm tired of carrying not only their guilt and shame and bullshit, but also my own fucking guilt and shame over eating TACOS. For fucks sake.
This is one place where I can go where I know at least one other person relates to these feelings. Thanks for reading. Have a better fucking Wednesday than me my dudes.
[Rant/Rave] i feel really guilty
/u/inookei
Created: Wed Apr 18 21:36:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dbrc8/i_feel_really_guilty/
---
whenever i purge homemade food my mom made, or food she brought for me i feel crushed by guilt for purging it after because im wasting her money and effort... but if i dont eat i feel really bad too because then its going to go to waste and she'll be sad, today she spent hours while i was at class making me a fancy dinner with all my favourite foods and i ate because she was excited to show it to me and said its a reward because im doing well at college ... then purged right after, and just started sobbing in the bathroom because i threw away all her efforts like that even though its going to be worth it when im skinny. sorry for ranting here but i dont know where else to say this
[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend basically called me fat.
/u/pickles023 [5'6"|CW: 130|BMI: 21.07|GW: 110|22 F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 20:57:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dbj01/my_boyfriend_basically_called_me_fat/
---
So my boyfriend and I had a weird conversation about meal planing. I’ve been having a really hard time lately with binging, so I’m trying to pre-plan and prep everything so that it’s easier to stay on track. He’s a little weirded out by it, and wanted to know why I was doing it.
So we had to talk about how I’d like to lose weight, which I’m okay with talking about with him. And then he went into the whole “but you’re not fat” stuff and I had to explain that his opinion of me doesn’t change my perception of myself. And then he went on to say that he understood what I was talking about with my body, and I wasn’t “one of those anorexics who are underweight but think they weigh 300 pounds”, and I wasn’t exactly skinny.
He doesn’t know about my ed, so I he don’t think he meant anything by it. But like, that hurts. Not only is it super insulting because he basically implied that I’m fat, but like I AM anorexic though?
I don’t really know what to say at this point? Do I tell him that it really hurts my feelings? Do I tell him about my ED? I feel like I’m not small enough that he’ll believe me, and I’m definitely not ready to try recovery?
[Rant/Rave] Woke up good, but then dysmorphiahh
/u/anonboi420
Created: Wed Apr 18 19:54:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8db52d/woke_up_good_but_then_dysmorphiahh/
---
Woke up on the third day of my fast and the scale said I apparently dropped 6 pounds. I can see the difference in my face which makes me so happy. I go through the McDonald’s drive thru to get a Coke Zer0 while looking at and appreciating the results in my mirror. After taking one sip of the drink I look back in the mirror and my brain goes, “your looking fat.” ED’s come in all shapes and sizes, and as depressed as mine makes me feel, this moment gave me a good laugh...
[Help] 45 bpm resting heart rate, should I worry
/u/redberyll
Created: Wed Apr 18 19:52:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8db4p4/45_bpm_resting_heart_rate_should_i_worry/
---
Ok so I relapsed a few months ago and I've been switching between intense b/p sprees and periods of restriction. These past few weeks I've been restricting and fasting a lot more and out of curiosity I measured my pulse and it was 45 beats per minute (i already had my coffee earlier) which is under the healthy range for an adult(60-100) kinda by a lot. I'm wondering if its enough to worry about though. Btw I'm not an athlete by any means. I run maybe 1-2 times a week. Also my bmi is underweight if thats relevant
[Discussion] Garcinia Cambogia. Thoughts?
/u/CurlyHairPandaBear
Created: Wed Apr 18 19:40:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8db1vm/garcinia_cambogia_thoughts/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] Junk food with the best serving to calorie ratio?
/u/almightylurker [5'1.75" | 122 | (new) 23.4 | -93 | 20F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 19:30:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8daztd/junk_food_with_the_best_serving_to_calorie_ratio/
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I've been on this huge pretzel kick lately because each 30g serving is 110 calories which is pretty ok and I fuckin love pretzels but I'm starting to get sick of them. Any suggestions for chip and snack type foods, preferably stuff I can get at Walmart?
ECA Stack?
/u/xxxanon1117 [5'7.5" | 118 | 18.08 | GW: 98 | FTM]
Created: Wed Apr 18 19:23:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8day2w/eca_stack/
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[removed]
[Help] How many sugar free candies does it take for the laxative effect to work? How long does it last?
/u/-Camellia-Sinensis-
Created: Wed Apr 18 18:58:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dasi8/how_many_sugar_free_candies_does_it_take_for_the/
---
Asking for a friend.
[Discussion] Fasting?
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 130 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 20 F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 18:38:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dansh/fasting/
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I know I should be posting in /r/fasting but I know there can be some tension/unwillingness to answer questions made by people who post both there and here.
I already restrict pretty heavily averaging in at 800kcals a day, but I binge almost every weekend. This is to appear normal to family members that I spend that time with. They however are unaware of my ED and talk often of fasting so, being the stealth master I am, think this is a good way to get away from my binges on the weekend.
So my question is, after reading all of the wikis/helps/related posts.
How does one fast?
I'm looking for IF, so maybe starting out at 16/8 then going for 20/4 eventually moving my way up to a day to multiple day fasts. But how does one get started with a fast and what constitutes as a fast?
[Discussion] Does anyone here use a food scale?
/u/2worried2care [5'6" | CW 135 lb | BMI 22.0 | 26F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 18:37:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dangk/does_anyone_here_use_a_food_scale/
---
I'm considering buying one because sometimes I have trouble accurately judging portions of meat or pasta or knowing how big a fruit is. Does anyone have any recommendations? I like the idea of the ones that list all of the nutritional facts on the screen but I don't know how user friendly that is to enter your own codes?
Any advice would be appreciated!
[Discussion] Moms?
/u/waytoooldforthisish
Created: Wed Apr 18 18:04:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8dafjc/moms/
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Long time lurker, first time poster. I'm a mom. I can't eat what I cook without purging. But I cook for my kids. But I can't only give my kids vegetables. I feel like I'm living two lives. It's so hard!!! Anyone else?
[Other] disappearing to recover.
/u/katijaiv [5'10 | CW no good | f]
Created: Wed Apr 18 18:02:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8daf7q/disappearing_to_recover/
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i'm gonna try my best. i hope to be okay. i'm so tired of crying and obsessing. i'm gonna try to do this on my own and help with my friend. i love you all. be safe. catch me on peach at katijaiv if you wanna check in or anything but.. maybe i'll be back? who knows. this journey is a wild one lmao.
TMI: Bathroom stuff
/u/monstersona
Created: Wed Apr 18 17:43:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8daaor/tmi_bathroom_stuff/
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Does anyone else realize they don't.....defecate a lot? I find I'm peeing a lot more but I'm not going number 2 like, at all. Its odd because I'm used to going semi-often. I know its because I haven't been eating as much obviously, but it's hard to get used to. Anybody else experience this?
[Other] Psa: found a very ed friendly sleeping pill
/u/bashytr0n [5'2" | 44kg/97lbs | 18.52 | GW 42kg/92lbs]
Created: Wed Apr 18 17:33:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8da8ax/psa_found_a_very_ed_friendly_sleeping_pill/
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So i know a lot of yall probably have trouble sleeping, whether its due to insomnia, hunger, anxiety, uppers, whatever. I recently started taking zopiclone/imovane (you guys have likely heard of it) and it works alright but the main thing is it makes your mouth and salivary glands taste like absolute bitter shit for about 6-9 hours, even makes water taste weird. So if you ever wanna curb your appetite but still be able to rest its perf 👌 dunno if you need a script in whichever country but pm me for more info.
I sometimes get so wired before bed that i pull my hair out. :(
[Discussion] [Discussion] DAE feel good cooking food for others they can't eat?
/u/pailblusea
Created: Wed Apr 18 16:47:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d9x6s/discussion_dae_feel_good_cooking_food_for_others/
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I can't flair on mobile so I guess this fits discussion.
I really enjoy cooking "real" food for my family...pastas, burgers, stews, pizza, quesadillas, taco salads, whatever they want. They don't have weight issues and generally good portion control. I am making cookies for them right now. I won't eat it but it makes me happy to see them enjoy it. I don't know if that makes me a hypocrite or not but I live vicariously through them, lol. I only make as much as they'll eat right away so it doesn't tempt me later. I dunno if this is a shitpost or not...just feeling happy right now.
[Rant/Rave] I'm obsessed with binging, talking about binges, planning binges, and discussing purging. Is anyone else like this?
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 167 | 29.23 | -8 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 16:34:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d9tvj/im_obsessed_with_binging_talking_about_binges/
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Major trigger warning for people trying not to binge and/or purge.
**Seriously, this is triggering.** And I'm really sorry if anyone reads this and feels upset. I'm pretty upset right now too and I just need to get these thoughts out to people who might understand them.
This sounds so weird to say, but binging is really exciting and fascinating to me. I love reading blog posts about a BP session. I've searched for a thread on favorite binge foods/binge stories so many times and I'm always too ashamed to start one myself. I love the rush of planning a binge, deciding what foods I'll eat and in what order.
I repeatedly watch scenes in ED movies of binging, but I'm always disappointed in how little fun it seems like they're having. There was [an episode of Intervention with a woman who had bulimia](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTwXybf3wHQ), and her binge session was her chilling on the couch smashing ice cream and cookies and cereal and it makes me feel so peaceful to watch. If you've read the book 'Perfect' by Natasha Friend - that shit is like porn to me. I honestly would love it so much if I had a girlfriend I could binge and purge with.
And it isn't even just the yummy food and forbidden pleasure of binging that I love. Purging is the next best thing. I feel such a sense of purpose and calm when I know I'll have privacy to purge. I feel so so satisfied when I eat a "red light" food at the beginning of a binge and I finally purge it out. I like feeling shaky and empty and relieved afterwards. It's so fucked up.
I see a therapist. My health problems from the really bad periods of bulimia have resolved themselves. I'm generally healthy and mostly recovered, although I started restricting/purging a little bit recently. I want to be recovered, I think? But I am way too in love with this.
TLDR; I love binging and purging. I wish I didn't. I don't think I'll ever totally stop.
Edit: linked that episode of Intervention for any other weirdos <3
[Discussion] Purging
/u/childlikeempress16
Created: Wed Apr 18 16:32:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d9tea/purging/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Two Days Ago I Tracked My "Binge" on MFP - 4400cals
/u/stupidminnow
Created: Wed Apr 18 16:19:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d9pzp/two_days_ago_i_tracked_my_binge_on_mfp_4400cals/
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[Screenshots](https://imgur.com/a/6Ef8mMq)
Is it weird I don't even consider this a *true* binge as I weighed/measured everything I consumed? To me a legit binge is having absolutely no control, mindlessly eating everything in my path. I also (terrifyingly) never got to that point in my other binges where I feel like my stomach will explode. Which must mean during my "true" binges I'm probably eating about double these calories. Shit is so scary.
I know most of you are probably shitting your pants at the thought of eating even half this amount of food in a single day, but I'm just being honest. I hate that I'm like this.
[Rant/Rave] hahah I’m BACK
/u/negative_delta [5'9.5" | CW AAAAHHH]
Created: Wed Apr 18 15:35:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d9e6s/hahah_im_back/
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sorry in advance this post is going to be rant-y and incoherent: so I unsubscribed from this sub about a year ago and told myself I’d focus on *recovery* and *intuitive eating* and being *happy in my skin* and im not sure what my flair says right now (on mobile) but my scale says I’m ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY SIX POUNDS Jesus fucking Christ
and it terrifies me that I could let myself go that badly in a year. that’s pushing the limits of a healthy BMI and yeah I’ve put on muscle but not that much holy fuck
so I’m back. I have an amazing bf and I’m about to graduate with honors but all that feels like it doesn’t matter because I’m an actual whale
hi everyone I missed you
[Discussion] DAE feel their limbs fall asleep often?
/u/TheCuntInTheRye [5'7" | 19 | CW:134.4 | -16.4lbs | trans-male]
Created: Wed Apr 18 15:02:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d95gw/dae_feel_their_limbs_fall_asleep_often/
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I’ve noticed that as of late, it doesn’t take much to make my arms and legs fall asleep. Anyone else relate to that??
[Rant/Rave] My new favourite low-cal obsession - shakshuka!!
/u/silphysmooth
Created: Wed Apr 18 14:51:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d92d2/my_new_favourite_lowcal_obsession_shakshuka/
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(On mobile/first time posting so formatting may be squiffy! Apologies if so!!)
So I saw a couple of my friends talking about shakshuka - North African/Middle Eastern eggs poached in a spiced tomato sauce, and I decided to give it a go, and I just fell in love! It’s so filling (stops me from binging) and not that many calories/low(ish) in carbs if that’s your thing... there’s tons of recipes online but here’s what I do, and it lasts me for 2/3 meals
Fry 1 large onion (~80 kcals) in 1tbsp of olive oil (~120 kcals, use less if you want though) along with 3 chopped bell peppers (~90kcals) and 3-4 cloves of garlic (~15 kcals is what google tells me but tbh I don’t bother counting garlic!) until onions are translucent to browned
Add two cans of chopped tomatoes (~160kcals) and season with cumin, paprika and salt, all to taste (turmeric, curry powder, chilli flakes all go well too, so do experiment!!).
Simmer for 5-10 mins then put half your sauce in a container and put it in the fridge for tomorrow/ whenever (depending on the size of your pan and if you’re cooking for others etc. you can skip this)
Lower the heat and make divots in the sauce and crack an egg into each divot
Cover pan with a lid and simmer until eggs are poached (I always accidentally over cook mine but whatever)
This recipe makes enough for me to poach 6-7 large eggs (~450kcals) which is enough for 2-3 meals for me so that’s around 300kcal a meal which makes me so happy! Usually I eat it with low-fat feta cheese crumbled on top which is just delicious! And I usually bulk it up by adding chopped eggplant (~25 calories each) before the chopped tomatoes, which makes it a pretty huge amount of food!! Plus the fact I can make the sauce in advance is great! What’s your current food obsession??
P.S. Sorry for the long post!!
Panic! In My Bathroom
/u/sadbean17 [156 | 58kg | 24 | 18F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 14:43:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d8zwj/panic_in_my_bathroom/
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Can't flair, on mobile, maybe rant/rave??
Basically, yesterday before I decided to binge at maintenance at 12am, I weighed 55.7kg without clothes, today after my binge I weighed myself, and I weighed 54.7kg, and I repeated that because I doubted I lost a kg over night, so I tried clothes on, it said 56.1kg, and then I tried naked again and it said 55.7kg. Why does my scale do this, got my hopes up and then crushed my soul, it's also a digital one and I think they tend to play up, I've got a doctors appointment this morning, so I'm hoping that will solve my confusion, and maybe make me sad, wish me luck
[Other] I've relapsed and my husband has never witnessed my eating disorder
/u/CurlyHairPandaBear
Created: Wed Apr 18 14:23:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d8udy/ive_relapsed_and_my_husband_has_never_witnessed/
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Hey! I'm new here.. new to Reddit actually.... on mobile, so, sorry for errors or weird formatting.
I'm 22 and I've relapsed/ am relapsing with my eating disorder.
It started when I was a preteen and continued until almost 4.5 years ago when I made it in recovery. I haven't really had any issues since; until recently.
My husband and I have been together for since August 2015 and married since Sept 2016. He's never witnessed any of my eating disorder behaviors. I think he knows something's up and I'm not sure where things are going.
Yesterday I hadn't eaten in over 24 hours (just water and some Gatorade, I need the electrolytes for other health reasons) and he made dinner. He was pushing more than usual for me to eat. I gave in but ate in our bedroom away from him. It's was 3 smoked chicken wings and corn on the cob(plain). I was gagging pretty much the whole time because I was so disgusted with myself and was just trying to force food in to appease him. I am trying to avoid purging again even though it's constantly on my mind for when I screw up. Although, when he's home it's hard, as our home is under renovations and we don't have a bathroom door on our only working bathroom.
Before recovery I restricted as much as possible and purged absolutely anything and everything I did consume.
Anyway, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this....
There's a lot of stressors in our life right now and I'm depressed for the first time in 3.5 years.
7 months ago we moved from where I was born and raised to a small town of ~230 people, 900 miles away from home. It was for my husbands job. There's no one our age here. I don't work because of chronic illnesses and trying for kids. We were pregnant but I miscarried on the 21st of March. I have a passion and want to pursue it but can't in this damn hamlet.
I reached out to my psychologist from Florida who helped me get to recovery because I can't find anyone near me... the closest is over 3 hours away.
I just don't want things to get out of control. I have control now, well kinda, I'm between a healthy and sick mind right now in regards to ED. But I don't want things to the point where I have to go back to a residential facility, of the 4 places I was, none ended well.
I also don't know how to very well conceal it from my husband so he doesn't have to witness it. I'll never get rid of the guilt from the hell I put my parents through. I don't want to hurt our marriage at all. But right now I need ED.
Sorry this is so damn long but I just needed a place to vent, not much more point to this really.
Thanks for reading though if you made it this far.
[Rant/Rave] oops..
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 150 | BMI: 24.96 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Wed Apr 18 14:19:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d8tcz/oops/
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[removed]
[Discussion] What funny weight-loss mishaps have you made in the past?
/u/deconcerte
Created: Wed Apr 18 14:06:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d8pg1/what_funny_weightloss_mishaps_have_you_made_in/
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I legit took a shot of apple cider vinegar since it's supposed to be "good for weight-loss" and nearly threw up afterwards. No wonder it's good for weight-loss, it makes you vom lmao
I'm sure you guys have similar experiences, let's hear them!
What do y'all consider a binge as?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 18 13:37:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d8hfz/what_do_yall_consider_a_binge_as/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] Times you felt discriminated against due to appearance?
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Wed Apr 18 13:36:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d8h5k/times_you_felt_discriminated_against_due_to/
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I've been ruminating over times that I've felt discriminated against due to my weight/appearance, but I can't discuss them with anyone without either raising suspicion OR not being taken seriously because "you're just self-conscious, i'm SURE that wasn't the reason!"
For instance, once I had joined a boutique fitness gym and religiously took classes for about a year. I was OBSESSED, everyone there knew me, I would frequently be asked by instructors to demonstrate, and I have a background in a health and fitness related field. At this time I was technically obese by BMI standards, but the healthiest I have ever been. I had muscle tone, I ate "clean", and I felt I was relatable for other participants because I wasn't "picture perfect" body-wise, but I could SLAY that class and run laps around others most days. The trainors didn't need to have any personal training background, they just had a love for fitness and the company provided them the training they needed.
Around my anniversary, I contacted the owner (we had a friendly relationship at the gym and would hang out from time to time outside the gym in a group setting) and said basically "hey I love this thing, if you ever need another instructor, it would be a dream come true..."
He said that he had *just* hired someone from outside the gym otherwise I would "be a shoe-in" and that he would keep me in mind in the future. About ONE WEEK later, there was an announcement posted on their page LOOKING FOR PEOPLE INTERESTED IN A JOB THERE. I sent him another message to call him out on it and he said he didn't think I was a good fit.
I was crushed, but tried to continue to go because I didn't want it to ruin my fun there.
They hired 2-3 more instructors pretty soon after, all very pretty girls with great bodies... BUT THEY COULDNT DO THE CLASS. I watched them during their training phase and they struggled with the moves, couldn't do more than 5 pushups... it was awful. They LOOKED in shape but would've failed any sort of fitness test. I couldnt take them seriously and eventually stopped going and then moved away shortly after.
Since then they have hired many more girls, all very cookie cutter like. I'm still super salty about it obviously.
Anyways. What experiences do you all have with being discriminated against due to appearance?
[Rant/Rave] I may be restricting and exercising a lot, but all I eat is junk and I hate it
/u/squishyskeleton [Height 5”5 | CW 52.3kg | BMI 19.1 | Weight Lost 20+kg | F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 13:19:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d8cil/i_may_be_restricting_and_exercising_a_lot_but_all/
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Yesterday my Momma pointed out that I’ve been looking really sick and tired lately, and she told me I need to start eating better and better foods. I know she’s right, I definitely want to start eating healthier, all I’ve had to eat these past few days is chicken nuggets, Corn Nuts, Diet Coke, Pop Tarts and hot chocolate essentially. I’ve been maintaining a deficit each day because I exercise like crazy at the gym and move around heaps at work, and been having very small portions of each thing (except Diet Coke).
But it’s made me feel like shit. It’s making me look like shit. It’s making me sad. I don’t know what to do because almost all healthy options near me don’t have nutrition labels and junk food does.
[Rant/Rave] How do monster and vitamin water get away with writing 'zero calories/calorie free' on bottles when they're not
/u/WorstCunt [crunchy]
Created: Wed Apr 18 12:50:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d849c/how_do_monster_and_vitamin_water_get_away_with/
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Today I saw vitamin water in morrison's and the bottle says 'zero calories' but right there on the front, the mandatory UK labelling says it's 5kcal per bottle.
Monster absolutely zero has a ring around the top that says it's 'calorie free' but the calorie info states 15kcal per can.
I thought this shit was illegal in the UK.
[Rant/Rave] feel like a fish circling a leaky pot
/u/nostalgicpushead
Created: Wed Apr 18 12:50:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d8468/feel_like_a_fish_circling_a_leaky_pot/
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this is only semi-coherent because im a blathering idiot, and probably formatted poorly because im new at this. so i apologize in advance.
superficially speaking, the end goal of this is to look like a half starved prepubescent. breastless, hipless, straight, and above all ill. my whole life i have felt revolting and i want to know without a shadow of a doubt that i look it. it’s stupid and with no good reason. i know it’s not sex dysphoria because i think my discomfort stems less from being female & more from being human, and i have no history of sexual abuse or anything of the like. it’s just born out of deep chromosomal disgust and shame. maybe i didn’t feel such shame as a child...
and that’s another thing. im coming up on graduating high school/beginning college and i feel in response to that ive regressed. lately every other evening ends in binging & stifling sobs with the john denver specials i loved as kid for background noise. going nowhere fast is tiring.
that’s all i guess, i could have just as easily posted this on my spam on IG but it’s hard to be explicitly honest where you can be held accountable. thanks y’all.
[Other] I'm so lonely
/u/cinnamonbicycle [Away in recovery (pls send prayers)]
Created: Wed Apr 18 12:37:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d80k3/im_so_lonely/
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Hi there. I haven't been to this place in a long while. I've been in recovery, and I've actually been doing okay... but today has been really rough for some reason. I can't get over how round my tummy is and how jiggly my thighs are. And I'm lonely. I'm so, so lonely. I don't have any friends who care enough about me to help me through this crap, and I'd never let myself tell them anyway because I'm so humiliated about my mental struggles.
I have one friend that I met online who understands, but I'm afraid talking to her too much will cause me to relapse since she also suffers from an ED. I don't really want to relapse. I *know* I don't, no matter how much my brain is telling me otherwise. I'm just... I'm having a bad day and I need a friend. And I don't have one. That's all.
Sugar free mocha/ skinny mocha sauce calories?
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: IDK, TOO MUCH| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 12:35:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7zyl/sugar_free_mocha_skinny_mocha_sauce_calories/
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Does anyone know the nutrition info for sf mocha / “skn mocha sauce” at Starbucks? I get it in an iced coffee, no milk. It’s CRAZY TASTY AND I JUST CANT BELIEVE IT’S ONLY 25 cal.
SOS, I want to order one at lunch but I’m scared.
[Discussion] Do you have a MFP streak? If so, how many days?
/u/mayseek
Created: Wed Apr 18 12:30:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7ydt/do_you_have_a_mfp_streak_if_so_how_many_days/
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I just recently hit 1000 days in a row and I was curious as to how many you guys have hit?
[Other] I'm baaaaaaaaack...
/u/artful_heart [5'7.5" | CW 100 | GW1 95 | GW2 92 | UGW 88 | BMI 15.32 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 12:20:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7vkb/im_baaaaaaaaack/
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After stepping away to try to recover (a little...) and focus on my fertility, it turns out that my fiance is completely sterile. As in, no hope for him ever knocking me up. I'm still fertile, weirdly enough (I would have thought that I'd completely ruined that by now).
So, hey, why make myself hate my body when the only reason that I was going to put on weight was to have a baby - which is now a moot point? We can't afford IVF/etc. at this point in our lives, so.... *wooooooooooo relapse*
Flair updated accordingly. Also, I've got a current BMI of 15.32 and I'm *still* too fat to wear crop tops or revealing sleeves or shorts. After gaining to 110 over my "recovery attempt" period, my dysmorphia is really bad. I see huge, beached-whale thighs and a massive muffin top and I hate my body.
At least now I can get back to work on my weight goals, right? lol kill me
*edited for spelling*
At what BMI did you lose your period?
/u/dortuh [5'8" | 110.7lb | BMI 16.8 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 12:12:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7t6v/at_what_bmi_did_you_lose_your_period/
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I just got mine and I'm ANGERY
Some biznatches are lucky enough to lose theirs at a BMI of like 17. I was only able to lose mine when my BMI was under 15. And I had to go off birth control (DONT DO THIS, turns out babies can happen if you do)
Now that I have an IUD I'm worried I may never lose my period again cause this stupid thing makes me bleed like 2-3 times a month I hate it. (I'm not actually sure of the frequency cause I don't track it but it definitely feels like multiple times a month)
Anyway, just curious about how much it varies, for those of you who have hit amennorhea.
[Discussion] DAE Feel like the people on 1200isplenty are seriously underestimating their calories?
/u/dortuh [5'8" | 110.7lb | BMI 16.8 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 12:06:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7rlz/dae_feel_like_the_people_on_1200isplenty_are/
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I see so many pictures on there like "only 150!" Or the "full day for 1200" photos and I'm like... Pretty sure they hit 1200 before lunch.
I don't know if they're really bad at counting calories or just really good at using the lowest calorie foord and making their small portions look bigger, but I always wonder if I could be eating more if I did things differently.
Then again, I did think I'd gain 10lb cause I decided to eat a lot the past 10-12 days, but I only put on 2.
Just seems like everything has so much more calories when you start weighing stuff.
Maybe I'm just the one overestimating by hundreds.
[Rant/Rave] i think my diet pills are killing me
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 150 | BMI: 24.96 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Wed Apr 18 11:45:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7ljd/i_think_my_diet_pills_are_killing_me/
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i think my diet pills are slowly killing me. i take yellow bullets. they're a mix of caffeine and ephedra. but i can't stop taking them. they've helped me lose so much weight so fast. but on them i feel terrible. sweaty, cold, racy, my heart beats funny, my body aches, i can't move, i vomit, i go to the bathroom every 2 minutes. i thought my body would have gotten used to them by now but the side effects are still there. i don't know what to do. i can't stop taking them but i feel like i'm slowly killing myself.
[Discussion] DAE prefer public bathrooms to private?
/u/srh01
Created: Wed Apr 18 11:42:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7kpf/dae_prefer_public_bathrooms_to_private/
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So I restrict heavily for a couple days at a time and then inevitably eat like a thousand calories and have to purge it, but my dorm has suite-style bathrooms--basically, 2 rooms (four people) share a bathroom. I'm always terrified one of my suitemates will hear me purging, so I usually choose a public restroom (like the one outside the dining hall) to purge in--sure, people can probably hear/figure out what I'm doing, but my university has over twenty thousand students, so the likelihood of running into someone I know is a lot lower. In my dorm, everyone knows everyone, and word would spread fast.
Does anyone else like purging in public restrooms?
[Rant/Rave] PSA: ANTM is on amazon prime video!
/u/hollyhock_MMGRZHFM
Created: Wed Apr 18 11:29:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7h0t/psa_antm_is_on_amazon_prime_video/
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The first 14 seasons are now included on amazon prime video! YAY
[Rant/Rave] Tried to recover and gained 10 lbs and now realize I don’t have the option to recover and be happy
/u/omgwhyamisofat
Created: Wed Apr 18 11:23:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7f5b/tried_to_recover_and_gained_10_lbs_and_now/
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I cried in a restaurant. Decided enough was enough and started recovery for the sake of my boyfriend and my relationship. It was hard at first. I started doing better. I still felt guilty eating too much. I couldn’t see my collarbones as much but that’s okay. My stomach looked flabby but that’s okay. I don’t let my boyfriend look at my naked body anymore but that’s okay.
Then, looking through my main accounts post history out of boredom I saw an old post here. I read it. I looked at my flair. 5’3” 113lbs. It hit me. Hard. Yesterday I weighed 123lbs. I didn’t think much about it. Until now.
I can’t believe I let myself gain 10 lbs in what.. not even a month. Guys... I was going to not eat today until dinner with my bfs and his parents but I just ate a whole pack of deli chicken, triscuits and cheese, granola cups.. How am I doing this to myself..
It’s over. I need to start EC stacking again. I need to get this shit down. It’s getting warm. I can’t be embarrassing my boyfriend with my body out in public. At the beach.
Rant over
[Help] Legs falling asleep
/u/shharkie [61.5’’ | SW: 115 | CW:93 | BMI:17.98]
Created: Wed Apr 18 11:23:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7f0q/legs_falling_asleep/
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About every morning now, I wake up to one or both of my legs completely numb. Honestly, it’s /painful/ trying to wake them up, and I’m almost sure it has to do with my restriction. Anything foods I should eat/supplements I could take?
[Discussion] do you get addicted to calorie counting?
/u/softpinkglitter
Created: Wed Apr 18 11:16:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7d1g/do_you_get_addicted_to_calorie_counting/
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I started counting calories as a way to lose weight for my prom dance. I managed to lose about 4-5kgs in two months.(I know it isn’t much). Now that the whole dancing thing is over I’m getting annoyed by calories but I cannot eat without counting them. I’d like to hear you thoughts and experiences about this. 😕💖
I'm going to weigh myself for the first time in years.
/u/karaanne19
Created: Wed Apr 18 11:15:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7cr5/im_going_to_weigh_myself_for_the_first_time_in/
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Long time lurker, first time posting here. My boyfriend broke up with me last night and I am completely devastated. My ED was a big issue in our relationship, and now that he doesn't want to be with me anymore, it feels like a free pass to starve myself again and lose a ton of weight.
In the past, I didn't want to know how much I weighed. But now, I'm determined to lose a ton of weight and want to know where I'm starting. Words of support would be much appreciated. I am really nervous to see how much I weigh, since I haven't been restricting lately.
[Other] Recently I posted about finally reaching an “underweight” BMI. Well....I wrote a song when I did...
/u/qu1et1
Created: Wed Apr 18 11:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7bvh/recently_i_posted_about_finally_reaching_an/
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...and now it’s finished :D
[“Relapse”](https://youtu.be/UnotIwkD-z0)
[Rant/Rave] Wood work instead of the gym
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Wed Apr 18 11:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d7b0i/wood_work_instead_of_the_gym/
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I need to get back to going to the gym but I also really want to work on cutting some boards for a shelf I'm making. It's all by hand and without power tools (well minus the drill once I start to build it).
I mean it's something...but part of me is just happy to do what I like while the other part is saying it isn't enough of a workout. I've cut wood by hand before and it's actually crazy strenuous for core and upper body.
Idk man. Can I just goddamn be happy and do something I enjoy?
[Other] Dat yo-yo effect tho
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 18 10:31:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d6zvh/dat_yoyo_effect_tho/
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https://imgur.com/IV9BEX5
[Help] I did my first EC stack and I feel like I'm dying.
/u/JoelleBirch
Created: Wed Apr 18 10:19:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d6wde/i_did_my_first_ec_stack_and_i_feel_like_im_dying/
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Pretty much the title. I just did BronkAid with a venti iced coffee. I feel like my heart is exploding. I checked my pulse and it's fine so I know that my heart isn't really exploding. How do EC stacks make you feel? Is this a normal feeling at first?
[Rant/Rave] Chewing and spitting is going to save my life
/u/shadowmachines [Attempting Recovery 🌱]
Created: Wed Apr 18 10:06:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d6sio/chewing_and_spitting_is_going_to_save_my_life/
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I have been attempting to recover. I lost about 20 lbs THE HEALTHY WAY over about 6 months, got down to a size I was happy with and started maintaining. Great right? I am in control! I am not over restricting! I am exercising and fueling my body and can do awesome things! Well apparently my uterus was not impressed and pulled a "HAHA FUCK YOU NO PERIOD" even though I was 5'4" and 123 lbs (lean but not super low bf!!!) and NOT RESTRICTING AT ALL. Because of all my running I was eating between 2200-3000 calories/day. WTF BODY?!?!?!?
Anyway I got super depressed because I tried so hard to lose weight in a healthy way and not be disordered but it DIDN'T FUCKING MATTER because my period opted out anyway. Queue horrible binging, self-loathing, and shame cycle.
I binged HARD. I counted up my last binge and it was nearly 6,500 cal. I gained 10 lbs of FAT in less than a month. Yes that sounds impossible, but I actually ate 35,000 cals in excess and gained that much in a month because I am such a hardcore binger. There was a part of me that was like "IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT UTERUS? WILL YOU HAVE A STUPID PERIOD NOW?!?!?"
Anyway, I have been the MOST depressed I've been in years, maybe ever. I lost all my healthy progress, my dumbshit period still hasn't come back even though I've gained all this weight, and there seems to be no end in sight for the binging and self-loathing.
Until last night. I went and hung out with a friend, got bummed out afterwards and went into binge-trance mode on the way home. Bought shit at a gas station, didn't want to, felt despair, oh well, I'm human garbage anyway. Settled down in my car and started eating a rice crispy treat.
It kind of sucked. It was dry. The flavor wasn't good. I was not into it. I kept chewing. And chewing. Finally I decided I didn't even want to bother. It was too much work, so I spit it out. And then it occurred to me, hey that's not such a bad idea.
I chewed and spat most of my binge food, and threw the rest away and I felt like a FUCKING ROCKSTAR. I didn't hate myself afterwards because I'm not going to gain any weight from it, and because I didn't hate myself, I don't have the urge to binge again today!!!
Seriously guys, this feels like it's saving my life. I don't plan to use c/s as a way to just eat food I wouldn't otherwise. I'm just going to try to replace my insane binging with it. I feel SO OPTIMISTIC like there is finally light at the end of the tunnel.
I know it's a slippery slope, and I can easily see myself getting addicted to c/s, but it falls in the category of "harm reduction." It's less bad than the other thing I was doing, and I feel like I am finally going to be able to pull out of this depressive episode.
As far as recovery, I don't fucking know. I know this is not recovery behavior, but at least I'm not feeling borderline suicidal now.
Sorry for wall of text and thanks for reading as always. Love you guys <3
[Intro] Just found out that i might be part of you guys, but treatment is a no for me now
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Wed Apr 18 09:11:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d6cy8/just_found_out_that_i_might_be_part_of_you_guys/
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Just kind of feel like a surprise that I related to symptoms of aneroxia? Few days ago, I posted at a subreddit that I frequent everyday and explained/complained my food issues to them and a few posted out to me that I might have aneroxia and to seek help. So look up on the information and almost, if not all symptoms or behaviours resonates with me. I don't really know what to do, I don't feel that I need to seek professional help because, maybe it is not serious enough. I feel that what my habits are are kind of an everyday thing. It doesn't affect me much but what only affects me is the guilt and disgust I felt towards myself and food, and constantly comparing my body with others. It's like... Competition. I just wanted to write out my thoughts. Not to rant. Just want to write somewhere because no one knows about this...
[Discussion] DAE feel like they won't live very long?
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | GW: 120 | CW : 134 | UGW: 110 | 20F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 08:54:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d67vm/dae_feel_like_they_wont_live_very_long/
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Maybe it's because I've been actively suicidal since I was a teen, but I've always thought that I'd never make it into adulthood. Right now I'm 20, and it blows my mind to think I've made it this far. However, I still don't think I'll live very long Idk I'll probably be dead by the age of 24. The thought of me making it past that is ridiculous and something I can't comprehend.
So whenever I fall into my binge/restrict cycle, it's so hard for me to care. I really don't care if I gain a bunch of weight because I'm not gonna live very long anyways. But I still restrict because I hate myself, and restricting just pisses me off more, because why do I do this to myself? I'm not gonna have a future anyways.
[Discussion] DAE feel like starving is safe?
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Wed Apr 18 08:45:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d65lj/dae_feel_like_starving_is_safe/
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Restricting makes me feel safe.
It feels like spending only the money in your account and not overusing your credit card.
It feels like driving the speed limit.
It feels like leaving for class on time and not rushing to be there.
It feels like turning in an assignment before the due date.
It just feels *safe*. When I’m restricting, I can rest easy because I know all my ducks are in a row. Everything is lined up. All I have to do is wait, and the weight will come off.
It’s so reassuring to me.
[Help] Ana with T and hypothyroidism, possible?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 18 08:23:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d5zkn/ana_with_t_and_hypothyroidism_possible/
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[deleted]
[Help] maintenance ?
/u/caroxxkings [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Wed Apr 18 06:54:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d5e08/maintenance/
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when I get to my UGW, how do I maintain? Just my normal calorie count? I have people telling me as soon as I start eating normal, all the weight will just come back :/
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 18, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 18 06:13:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d54z4/daily_food_diary_april_18_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for April 18, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday April 18, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 18 06:11:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d54m4/way_to_go_wednesday_april_18_2018/
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This is the weekly achievement thread for April 18, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Goal] waist measurement goals?
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | CW 47.9 | BMI 17.6 | GW 47 | UGW 45]
Created: Wed Apr 18 05:49:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d501y/waist_measurement_goals/
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do any of you have a goal waist measurement? + how tall are you??
im currently sitting at 24/24.5 inches + 5'5" and im wondering whats realistic
[Discussion] How do you work without feeling dead
/u/doublecouponn [5'2 | CW 172.8 | GW 150 | UGW 115 | -12.2lbs| F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 05:43:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d4ywm/how_do_you_work_without_feeling_dead/
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Like honestly i am always in a state of fatigue nausea and migraines.
I hate how wasteful my ED is.
/u/taikutsuu [5'8''|cw: 134lbs |gw: 100lbs |-12lbs |19f]
Created: Wed Apr 18 04:44:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d4of2/i_hate_how_wasteful_my_ed_is/
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I'm a college student that can barely afford food to begin with, and yet I sometimes buy all these great things, vegetables, fruit, low calorie snacks, and have a whole week's meal plan in mind. Said week later, I've only sipped diet coke and energy drinks, snacked on things here and there and half of the food has gone bad.
Or I actually cook and am so proud of myself blabla and then suddenly, I look at it with disgust, knowing exactly that that's 600 calories I'm never getting back. So I spend an hour cooking a gorgeous curry and then just put it away because I can't eat it. I feel like I physically cannot bear to put it down my throat.
I hate myself so much for it.
[Discussion] am I the only one who doesn’t count calories?
/u/elena1099
Created: Wed Apr 18 04:39:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d4nee/am_i_the_only_one_who_doesnt_count_calories/
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like, most of the time i’m too lazy but I will sometimes check labels if i’m really unsure.
I pretty much just eat as little as possible instead of actually keeping count lol.
[Discussion] Anyone else use subreddits for thinspo?
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Wed Apr 18 04:37:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d4n36/anyone_else_use_subreddits_for_thinspo/
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right now I use r/goddesses. I fucking love Cassie Brown, Renee Herbert, Marina Lanswick, and Josephine Skriver.
[Help] Binging on spicy food
/u/srh01
Created: Wed Apr 18 04:32:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d4mcb/binging_on_spicy_food/
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So yesterday I worked out and bought a jar of salsa from the campus store afterwards. It's 5 cals/tbsp, and the jar had about 26 tablespoons in it. It's 16 hours later, and I just finished the whole jar...that's 130 calories (daily net calorie goal is ~50), and I can't purge it because it's so hot; I tried but only managed to hurt my throat.
Any advice on widely-available low-cal foods? (esp ones that are easy to purge).
[Help] How to deal with carb cravings? And a rant...
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 18 02:58:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d47iw/how_to_deal_with_carb_cravings_and_a_rant/
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I'm so upset. I binged again. It's always the same time of night, always the same foods. Breads and sweets and fruit and cake and stuff. I really really need to stop. So if anyone has a tip that would be greatly appreciated.
Also guys, I'm hurting so much. I don't know where else to go guys. Please answer if you have a minute. Idk. I'm just...this is exhausting. And then having someone who has seen me go through hell and back again is commenting on my eating (night bingeing) and I'm like fucking thanks, I'm working on starving myself. Like oh my god it felt so terrible. I'm almost crying honestly.
So I dunno. Please, somebody help me out. I just need someone.
[Rant/Rave] Pictures vs mirror
/u/sknyrnr
Created: Wed Apr 18 01:31:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d3ug5/pictures_vs_mirror/
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I hate how I can think I look so good in the mirror and then as soon as I see pictures of myself my self esteem and mood plummets. Why do I look so much uglier and fatter in photos?
Just a rant sorry :(
Please tell me I’m not alone
[Discussion] DAE get really chapped hands?
/u/sincereenfuego
Created: Wed Apr 18 00:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d3nwj/dae_get_really_chapped_hands/
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Like not just "oh, let me put some hand cream on." I'm talking "goes to doctor for steroid cream cause hands are covered in red patches that look scaly and cracking all over and no regular cream helps."
If you have found anything that helps, please share!
Edit: to clarify, I never had this problem until I started to get to a lower BMI so I am not sure if it is ED related or not. For obvious reasons, I don't want to go to my doc saying it might he from an ED.
[Tip] Has anyone here tried this diet tip?
/u/wrinkle-crease
Created: Wed Apr 18 00:44:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d3mqj/has_anyone_here_tried_this_diet_tip/
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https://www.facebook.com/saysdotcom/videos/1706824509354777/
Drinking water all the time getting boring? These cold brew iced tea packs are gold! These got me off coffee, the cream added to coffee and any splenda pack. Same nutrition info as a normal pack of tea.
/u/ElbowHerpes
Created: Wed Apr 18 00:20:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d3isz/drinking_water_all_the_time_getting_boring_these/
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https://imgur.com/a/4dgbx
[Rant/Rave] I can't fucking fast for the life of me
/u/IsAFailure [~5'6 | 110lbs | 17.83~]
Created: Wed Apr 18 00:14:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d3hv7/i_cant_fucking_fast_for_the_life_of_me/
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I think the most I've been able to make it is 18 hours or something and I broke.
Everyone says, "Just drink tons of water and the hunger will subside!" That absolutely **does not** work for me it seems. No matter how much water I drink I always seem to want to eat. It's so infuriating. The days I really want to commit to a fast and I end up binging instead are the ones that really hurt.
Is there anything else I can try?! I just want to fast for Christ sake.
To introduce
/u/jdalll
Created: Wed Apr 18 00:13:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d3hnp/to_introduce/
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I had an eating disorder in college that dropped me to 108 pounds. I’m currently 26 and 125 pounds. I know that makes me normal or average or whatever, but I’ve found myself missing my rib cage. I want to go back. I don’t know what else to say.
[Help] The numerous joys of spa life
/u/ManicPixieBallerina
Created: Tue Apr 17 23:21:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d38f7/the_numerous_joys_of_spa_life/
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I really never anticipared beauty school being stressful.
Between the many unsolicited comments on my appearance, and the annoyingly persistent "LET ME TOUCH YOU"s, I feel like I'm ready to die. But we have to make things worse, now don't we?
The more pressing and immediate concern of mine is we're covering body waxing tomorrow, and that means legs and armpits. Now I'm okay with my torso right now, for some reason it's leaned out a lot over the past few months (probably because of all the lifting and moving) so I've got a nice ab crack and more ribs (already have collarbone and hipbones because my skeleton is huge. You heard it first, folks. Could be considered skinny person is big boned.) But oh my god my legs. Puberty brought these huge globs of fat to my legs and butt that my mom always liked to tell me would happen when I was a kid ("Can't escape genetics, Pixie.") They look cartoonishly huge, and don't match any other parts of my body. And tomorrow they're going to be on display for all the fried chicken loving girls to see and gawk at. Ugh. Just let me hole myself up in a closet and do my own legs, there's maybe three other students I trust in that room.
And we have cool sculpting and some electric modalities that help get rid of cellulite. I haven't asked too many questions about them because I do not want to be put on leave of absence, or even worse in a hospital (been there, done that, managed to not get sent to the ED ward, not interested in going back) . But it's so so so tempting. Just some cold and a few zaps on my legs to bring me back to life like Frankenstein's monster? Sign me up. But I know there's no way anybody will agree to use them on me. I'm pretty sure a one off "I just want to see how it feels" won't give me results. And don't even get me started on medspas. They come in and talk at us for three hours, and half of that is a glorified sales pitch for the various services they offer (we can't even do most of the big stuff, we're not doctors or nurses) but holy shit is body contouring tempting. I think what excites and scares me most is some of the bigger medspas would probably let me get the services. It's just money, and judging by how their owners, a husband (who made the botox joke, which is "my face is moving, time to get more botox!" It gets creepier every time you hear it) and wife (who had to be in her late 40s, and had the body of a sixteen year old like holy shit how?) team acted, they might even be eager to do it.
I don't know anymore. Am I in the right field?
[Rant/Rave] Got told I'd lost weight AGAIN?!
/u/budqueen17 [5'6 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 22:15:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d2w44/got_told_id_lost_weight_again/
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So, over the past few days I've had around 4 people tell me I've lost weight. Today was my first day back at school in 3 weeks, and one of the teachers looked me up and down with a shocked expression, then said 'you've lost a lot of weight!' Also jokingly asked how I did it so I could give her advice. Lol you don't wanna know
[Help] Measurements vs. what I see in the mirror...
/u/orchia [5'7.5" | CW 130 | UGW 110 | 17F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 21:42:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d2pjs/measurements_vs_what_i_see_in_the_mirror/
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So I’ve been around 128-130 lbs lately, which is ~30 lbs down from my HW/SW of 162 lbs. I can see some physical changes (arms getting thinner, a small thigh gap forming, chestbones peeking out, etc.) but my stomach is literally just as huge as it was 30 lbs ago. Pretty sure it’s not dysmorphia because even in my progress pics, I can’t see any difference.
Rn I have about a 29” waist and 39” hips. I’d say those measurements are pretty accurate bc I get the same numbers from bodyvisualizer.com after inputing my height /weight/exercise. But the weird thing is, the 3D model on that site looks completely different frame me? Like it basically has a flat stomach, but mine sticks out a LOT more. Using the visualizer, my body looks more like a 32” waist and 40” hips...
Anyways, I guess what’s really confusing me is how there’s such a big difference when the measurements are the same?
[Discussion] Food waste
/u/dearisabella [5'2" | GW: 110 | UGW: 100 | 21F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 21:31:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d2n8f/food_waste/
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Growing up, my mom always taught me to finish all the food on my plate and eat food so nothing goes to waste. In recent years, I've realized that it's better for food to go in the trash than to treat my body as a trash receptacle for food.
I just went out to Veggie Grill to eat with a friend and thankfully had the self restraint to eat only half of my sandwich. I boxed the other half to go and now I'm in a predicament. I feel the desire to throw the food away so I don't eat it, but I also feel the desire to eat it so my money doesn't go to waste (~$9-10). I'm usually okay with throwing uneaten groceries or gifted chocolates, but I have always pity-eaten my leftover food.
What do you guys do and how do you feel in regards to food waste?
[Help] How to chill out when angry from not eating?
/u/kingarthersixties [166cm | CW: 55.6kg| GW: 53.5kgs ]
Created: Tue Apr 17 21:29:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d2mu9/how_to_chill_out_when_angry_from_not_eating/
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Does anyone have a....,cure?? for anger when not eating a lot? Idk if this is considered a tip, but I don't think it is, so I'll ask anyway.
I just get too angry when I'm not eating enough, and I don't know how to solve it. I know easy answer would be to just eat, but is there any other solution lmao.
[Help] Fasting and Duromine
/u/Kishin_
Created: Tue Apr 17 21:17:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d2kch/fasting_and_duromine/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] FINALLY lost a pound. (Also, a question: Am I actually "disordered" or does my body just want different things?)
/u/Kummerspeck101
Created: Tue Apr 17 20:59:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d2gnl/finally_lost_a_pound_also_a_question_am_i/
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Only been eating once a day/up to 700 calorie restriction, no exercise. I've been at 130 lbs. since I got back from a vacation in February and struggling to lose weight "healthily" (i.e., exercise and ~1200-1500 calorie intake) after a trip to the therapist. Let me tell you, that shit did NOT work. Exercising just made me hungrier and feel like I could eat more because I exercised. NOT TRUE FOR YOURS TRULY. Sometimes I just feel like maybe my body is just happier at around or less than a thousand calories a day. I'm short (158 cm) and I'm lazy aside from the weekly bursts of energy where I feel like I want to exercise. So it makes sense to me, I guess. These days, at a ~700 calorie intake (or less than a thousand, anyway), I have more energy. I feel better about myself. I'm not obsessing about food when I restrict; I feel less like I want to binge, I control my hunger better, and I'm not obsessing about how many calories I've burned throughout the day. I have more brain space for writing and working and LIVING. I even feel kinder and more patient. Maybe some bodies just want different things? Maybe this is okay and healthy and I'm okay and healthy?
Maybe I should go join r/ fasting instead?</s>
[Discussion] Substitutions for sweets?
/u/WinterFaeKit
Created: Tue Apr 17 19:50:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d216w/substitutions_for_sweets/
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Anyone have any substitutions when you’re craving sweets? I’m vegan and suchhhhh a big sweetaholic. Obviously I know I’ll binge if I have sweets right now, so I was looking for subs!
[Discussion] How about I just eat....
/u/yaogauiasaurus
Created: Tue Apr 17 19:43:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d1zed/how_about_i_just_eat/
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Watermelon and only watermelon for the rest of my life? That's feasable right?
[Discussion] DEA feel like their life is chaotic when they aren't restricting?
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 19:08:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d1rcx/dea_feel_like_their_life_is_chaotic_when_they/
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Last week I was doing amazingly. Less than 1300 calories each day. Steadily losing weight.
This week I've eaten terribly I feel like my world is spinning out of control. I know it's not. I know I'm being ridiculous, but my heart is pounding and my mind is jumping from issue to issue.
[Help] Dating and dealing with an ED?
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 98 | 18.5 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 18:29:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d1i82/dating_and_dealing_with_an_ed/
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Hi everyone!
So I recently lost 60 lbs and am still getting used to all of the male attention I've been receiving.....and recently decided to start dating again, now that I've gained some confidence. I have a date tomorrow night and idk what to do. I could fast all day in preparation, potentially? I don't think I need to eat - the plan is to meet for a drink - but even that is calories. I'll probably have to have a couple anyway (rum and diet!) but what about the urge to eat that always comes with restaurants? Do you guys have any tips for dating with an ED? Thanks loves <3
Appetite suppressants
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 17 18:13:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d1e3v/appetite_suppressants/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Struggles of balancing wanting to recover and wanting to relapse at the same time...
/u/starkitteh
Created: Tue Apr 17 17:44:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d16qr/struggles_of_balancing_wanting_to_recover_and/
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I considered myself pretty recovered for a while. Sometimes I didn't pay attention too much to what I ate. Sometimes I did but never let it get it of control.
Now, I either don't want to eat AT ALL and the more I restrict the more I want to restrict, or I'm eating just about everything. Like a vacuum... I just keep eating. It's disgusting. Whereas restricting feels so good.
But I also want to be healthy. I don't want to purge because I care about my teeth. I want to eat enough to fuel my body.
Except I want to be literally weightless. So do I live with the digesting food in my stomach or do I get rid of it? Why can't I control myself better? Sorry for the rant but it felt good to let it out
[Rant/Rave] DAE purposefully trigger themselves with proana?
/u/feellikegucci
Created: Tue Apr 17 17:37:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d150w/dae_purposefully_trigger_themselves_with_proana/
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First thing I need to say: I absolutely despise proanas. Nothing justifies promoting and glorofying eating disorders like they do, dragging people further and further down this hole.
But I feel like a hypocrite, because whenever I feel the need to trigger myself, I resort to them. I search those old 2010 "butterfly goddess ana" blogs and the oldest posts on MPA and thinspo/meanspo/sweetspo Tumblr blogs.
Maybe it's because I fell for their bullshit when I was younger and it potencialized my ed even more, thus making me lose so much weight back then. But now I know better. I have educated myself about my ed and I know it's not as simple as "skip dinner, wake up thinner", "emptiness is pure, starvation is the cure." I'm not a foolish kid like I were anymore.
I know that they're full of the same lies we all tell ourselves, but I find it almost conforting. As if I'm simply becoming prettier and happier, as they preach, and not dying slowly as I'm aware I am.
[Rant/Rave] Back to where I was a week ago
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Tue Apr 17 17:36:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d14np/back_to_where_i_was_a_week_ago/
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And it's the worst feeling ever. I went from 167 on 4/8, to 162 on 4/14. Now I've jumped back up to 164. I know it's because I let myself have like three cheat days and instead of just eating without worry like a normal fucking person, I binged.
It's so hard not to eat with certain people because they know my history with having an ED. And they noticed when I relapse (or I'm an idiot and get drunk and tell them). Being honest about it is a relief to me in a lot of ways, but then certain people watch me like a hawk and it can be an issue.
I've also been abusing the shit, pun intended, out of laxatives since I've binged. I know it does nothing for anything but water weight, but that feeling of not being bloated and being empty the day after a binge is the most amazing feeling.
But fuck everything. 164 is where I was last Tuesday. And I hate it and never want to eat again.
[Rant/Rave] RANT When you open up to someone about having an eating disorder, and they ignore the part where it's literally a mental disorder, and tell you that you don't know anything about food or diet because you had an eating disorder
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 17 17:26:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d12fz/rant_when_you_open_up_to_someone_about_having_an/
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[deleted]
[Other] A prayer to my lord and saviour
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 98 | 18.0 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 16:56:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d0uws/a_prayer_to_my_lord_and_saviour/
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https://i.redd.it/hobhwxm5ujs01.jpg
[Other] Got myself a scale
/u/feellikegucci
Created: Tue Apr 17 16:49:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d0t9z/got_myself_a_scale/
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It was a terrible idea because now I feel like I need to weigh in twenty six times a day (My weight has fluctuated 2kgs, how?!?!??!), but I hope it will help me get off this stupid fast-binge cycle and get back to losing.
[Discussion] Does anyone else get super irrational/emotional when restricting?
/u/blankethugs [5’2.5” | CW: 107.8 | GW: 95]
Created: Tue Apr 17 16:25:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d0n37/does_anyone_else_get_super_irrationalemotional/
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Today I…
* Cried because I got a small sticker on a test that I got a 108% on, while my best frenemy got a bigger one with a lower score.
* Cried because all of the teachers like her more than they like me because she’s just as smart as I am and pretty, too.
* Cried because I’m going to have to do a presentation in a class full of people who hate me.
* Cried because the foundation and concealer I spent so much money on are slightly too dark for my currently untanned complexion.
* Cried because I drank 240 calories of a stupid cappuccino for my dinner and it wasn’t even good.
* Cried because I kept oversharing today (like I am now!), and cried because nobody cares about me dropping 10 pounds and skipping lunch every day since I’m still so fat.
Just…why. Why am I like this? Does this happen to anyone else? I feel like I’m going absolutely nuts.
[Rant/Rave] My weight loss shocked my therapist (and I secretly enjoyed it)
/u/TheCuntInTheRye [5'7" | 19 | CW:135.4 | -15.4lbs | trans-male]
Created: Tue Apr 17 15:57:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d0fyg/my_weight_loss_shocked_my_therapist_and_i/
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Since 4/8, I’ve been HEAVILY restricting. I developed a fear of solid food out of nowhere, so at most I consume one protein shake (150 calories) and purge it. Usually between that and the purging, it kills my hunger for long enough to go to bed.
Getting to the point, didn’t even realize it was possible, but I’ve lost just over 15 pounds. I was talking to my therapist today and I mentioned that, and she looked horrified.
“In a week? That’s a lot of weight, [my name]”.
And horribly, I felt some sort of pride over that. It’s sick, and I shouldn’t feel that way, but it made me feel validated. Like, yeah, that IS a lot. No, that’s NOT healthy. She brought up the idea of partial hospitalization for it, which I told her I’d think about.
I don’t really want to go in until one of two things happens:
1. I hit a minimum of 110 pounds.
2. I faint and hurt myself.
I don’t know why those are the two things that I have convinced myself are “worthy of treatment”. But they are.
I’m tired of having an ED control my life, but god damn, I’m good at not eating.
[Rant/Rave] Why?!?!
/u/skinnyscorpio
Created: Tue Apr 17 15:27:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8d0814/why/
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Why do people feel the need to comment on my body?? Either way I don’t want to know what you think!
[Help] Anyone switch to plant-based/vegan?
/u/nordic_alien [167cm | 130lbs | 22 | 20lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 14:53:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8czyn7/anyone_switch_to_plantbasedvegan/
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I had great success with it in the past in terms of maintaining a healthy (!) weight with a lot of ease (my ideal, 106 lbs)... However, this time around, I'm majorly having issues, particularly with binge eating. Protein keeps me satiated, and while I was eating a lot of lean meat, protein drinks, non-fat dairy, etc. I was not losing the weight that I normally would of easily lost with my plant based diet I had before...
Today I thought I started off well with some vegan protein and some fruit, but I ended up not only having a sandwich for lunch (multigrain bread at least), I ended up eating like an entire cup or more of thai noodles. Since it was from a restaurant, I'm sure I'm well over my maintenance calories for today now *sigh*.
Does anyone have any tips for keep hunger at bay while being plantbased/vegan? There aren't so many tasty ways to get protein in when its vegan, as easy as it was with dairy, eggs, meat. etc. :(
[Rant/Rave] so fat i don’t even want to leave the house
/u/thegirlwhothrewaways
Created: Tue Apr 17 14:52:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8czybk/so_fat_i_dont_even_want_to_leave_the_house/
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hahahaha wanna die thank u BED for creating this monster of my body i hate myself lol when will i leave the house
[Discussion] Tell me your dreams!
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: 106 | GW: idk | F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 14:29:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8czs3j/tell_me_your_dreams/
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Hi friends!
Not ED related, but I thought we could all use some good conversation to get us through the day.
I was just wondering, what do you all do? Do you work, not work, go to school? And do you like it? Is it what you wanna do forever? Or where do you wanna be in 5, 10 years? What do you actually wanna do with your life? What makes you happy?
[Discussion] DAE get paranoid that they’ve eaten more calories than they’ve calculated?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Tue Apr 17 13:07:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cz4t5/dae_get_paranoid_that_theyve_eaten_more_calories/
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I hate the feeling after I’ve prepared my own food, weighed everything, added up all of the calories, and I feel safe, but then I eat it and it was more filling/satisfying than I anticipated, and I think I MUST have underestimated my calories and I become so paranoid about it.
This goes doubly for anything anyone else has prepared. I ordered a skinny iced latte from Costa yesterday and I WATCHED the woman pour in the skimmed milk, yet because it tasted slightly better/seemed slightly less watery than usual, I wondered if she’d somehow put in the whole milk, or switched it with another drink, and I couldn’t finish it because of that.
Rationally I know I’m being paranoid too, but I don’t know how to deal with it.
[Rant/Rave] I am so goddamn sick of everyone around me being so "hot."
/u/KeyHeight
Created: Tue Apr 17 12:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cytc1/i_am_so_goddamn_sick_of_everyone_around_me_being/
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Everyone around me insists that it's boiling hot, even if it's the dead of winter and the thermostat is set at 68 degrees. They immediately dash over to the window as quickly as possible and open the windows as wide as they can go, letting in as much freezing cold air as possible to cool the apparent fire that is burning within them. I will specifically choose a room because it is a comfortable temperature for me and people will come into the room, sit down, and open the windows! Even when I tell them that I'm cold and I will be uncomfortable if they open them! I am forced to move to another room because of someone else's personal preference, even if I was there first!
People open windows in my classrooms until my toes literally go numb or the office when it's 20 degrees outside and there's freezing rain. People tell me "well wear more clothes/a sweater"—I wear at least three or four layers of long sleeved sweaters, two pairs of socks, I wear a fucking blanket, I am doing the best I can, I am just COLD. I have hypothyroidism, I have an ED, I am COLD.
I don't understand why everyone else's comfort is so highly prioritized over mine. I find it very frustrating and I am almost to the point of tears sometimes when I will finally find somewhere I'm comfortable and someone else will come in and immediately force the room to become colder. Why don't you remove your sweater/jacket instead of forcing me to put on a fourth one, you inconsiderate assholes?
/rant
[Discussion] Comorbidity
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80lbs | 15.1 | -23lbs | f]
Created: Tue Apr 17 12:15:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cyptg/comorbidity/
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Does anyone else ever end up playing this weird little game of "Which of my many maladies is causing this problem?"
Can i not focus because i'm hungry or because I'm anxious?
Am i tired because i never keep down anything besides black coffee or because Im having a depressive episode?
Am i scared I won't wake up because my health is in shambles or because i'm crazy?
It's like this constant little this vs that of what is wrong with me in this current moment.
[Rant/Rave] Traded one ED for another...and then another
/u/gamecockrunner
Created: Tue Apr 17 12:05:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cymz0/traded_one_ed_for_anotherand_then_another/
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[removed]
[Help] I'm being weighed tomorrow
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 17 11:30:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cycs2/im_being_weighed_tomorrow/
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[deleted]
[Other] DAE prefer reading about food to seeing actual pictures of it?
/u/orkestrels
Created: Tue Apr 17 11:26:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cybqo/dae_prefer_reading_about_food_to_seeing_actual/
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i have this giant word doc on my computer that's filled with descriptions of food i've gotten from books, magazines, etc., and i have little post-its in a lot of my books that mark descriptions of food in them so i can go back and read them when i'm hungry; pictorial food porn scares me because i always feel like it makes me like "out of control" hungry and like i really will eat something, but when i read about food, i always feel like, no food could ever taste as good as this description sounds, and more determined to restrict.
idk though if that's all of it - i think in general i just prefer reading about food lol.. even things that aren't really appetizing but aren't like, anti-food porn go into my little word doc. like descriptions of chewing ice, or grocery lists.
DAE do this?? i feel so weird lol
[Rant/Rave] I hate when friends take pictures of me..
/u/bitterfleas
Created: Tue Apr 17 11:26:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cybnj/i_hate_when_friends_take_pictures_of_me/
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I absolutely hate it and get frustrated when people take pictures of me without knowing - especially friends. I make it clear that I dislike pictures of me unless I clearly ask or they ask if they can. I hate being reminded of how fat and chubby my face and body is. I hate looking at those photos, I hate seeing the weight on myself. It just makes me never want to eat.
[Help] Looking for an older post
/u/fiyacht524 [5'6" |CW 54kg |BMI 19| GW:48kg| Female]
Created: Tue Apr 17 11:25:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cybex/looking_for_an_older_post/
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So last week (I think?) someone posted about a variant to EC stacking that they do, I think they called it an LC stack?
Just wondering if anyone remembers what the L ingredient was as ephedrine is illegal where I live :( thank you!
[Other] Notes from the other side: things I’ve noticed as I relapse
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: IDK, TOO MUCH| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 11:12:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cy7r6/notes_from_the_other_side_things_ive_noticed_as_i/
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1. The false sense of control is gone. I’m well aware I couldn’t stop if I tried. It’s like watching some demonic part of me take over, and she’s out for blood.
2. Things feel less dramatic. A day of ‘binging’ isn’t so crushing, I can rationalize and fact check myself calm. I know I’ll eventually hit my target weight if I keep this shit up. None of it carries the drama it did before.
3. I am much more efficient. The bullshit rules that didn’t help my weight loss that I had in the past are easier to ignore. The tricks and tools I picked up along the way last time I don’t have to search for.
4. I know I’m ruining my life. I know there is no happy ending here. I know this, and yet, I continue.
TIL fasting is when you haven't eaten for 8 hours
/u/110_percent_bot
Created: Tue Apr 17 11:07:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cy66w/til_fasting_is_when_you_havent_eaten_for_8_hours/
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Was at the doctor's for a checkup, and this happened. This was at 9am by the way
nurse: are you fasting?
me: (internally freaking out, how does she know my ED history, etc)
me: uh, no?
nurse: when is the last time you ate?
me: last night
nurse: so you haven't had anything to eat today?
me: no
nurse: ah, so you are fasting
Bitch pls, this is not fasting, fasting is when your stomach feels nice and empty and you're weak and dizzy. i never eat breakfast since it feels like a waste of calories so early in the day, but for normal eaters it's weird to skip breakfast?!? Idk
I was force fed pasta.
/u/-PM-ME-NICE-THINGS- [5"2 | CW: 52kg | BMI: 21.7 | Orthorexia]
Created: Tue Apr 17 11:06:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cy623/i_was_force_fed_pasta/
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I hate *everything* about pasta. It used to be one of my favourite foods, now all I can think about it's how carby, starchy, glutenous and nutritionless it is. It was pasta in a peppercorn sauce made with a double cream base with chunks of meat thrown in... Everything I hate in a meal.
I tried so hard to throw it up. I drank over half a liter of water in a minute and all that happened was I threw up the water, none of the pasta. I heaved, I tried different angles and postures, I tried 'activating' my gag reflex, I went to the bathroom as soon as I sat the empty plate down on the countertop.
Now I'm sat sobbing in my bathroom with a stomach full of horrible, purposeless food. I don't know what to do. I just want it *out.*
[Rant/Rave] QUIT YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS!
/u/rumpleteaser91
Created: Tue Apr 17 10:50:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cy1g0/quit_your_righteousness/
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I see so many people getting hate from other subs because they post here. People really need to remember than 'eating disorder' doesn't automatically mean bulemia or anorexia. I have to have control over my food. Not necessarily portion size, it just has to be home cooked, or cooked by someone I trust, and I have to know all of the ingredients, or I won't eat it. This doesn't sound serious, nor is it on par with those who have much more serious conditions, but it's considered disordered eating none the less.
I don't see anyone posting comments to encourage disordered eating, I see people supporting those who have it, helping them manage their emotions, suggesting helpful ways to MANAGE their disorder, even if they're so deep in a spiral that they can't get out themselves. I admire this group, I admire the camraderie, the support that's given, the kind words, the simple 'you're not crazy, you can work through this, you're strong'. That shit means a lot to people. Please don't stop posting on here to please other subs, we need each other sometimes, that's why we're all here.
We've all got our crosses to bear, but you guys help each other carry them, amd that's amazing.
[Rant/Rave] Worked out for the first time in months, and I feel great! :)
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Tue Apr 17 10:47:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cy0e8/worked_out_for_the_first_time_in_months_and_i/
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So I used to be able to carve out some time for my at-home work outs (doing squats with free weights, stretching, planking, sit-ups, push-ups & leg lifts), and it made me feel good, and I was pretty toned. Once my depression got really bad, I dropped off and couldn’t bring myself to get off the couch. The escalating depression also brought about my current issues with binging and occasional purging, nice combo, right?
But I’ve seriously had enough, I’m over feeling like shit. I just finished the first work out I’ve done since December or January, and I feel really good! I forgot how exercise boosts your mood, at least it really does for me. I’m going to keep up with it and make moves toward living a healthier lifestyle. This includes fairly regular therapy sessions, eating cleaner (currently vegetarian, want to try easing myself into an even more plant-based diet) and finding some kind of mental illness support group.
Also, I’m looking for a new job, as I’m through complaining about my current one and might as well do something about it.
Who knew squats and sit-ups could bring about so much hope and positivity? 😁👏👏👏
Recovering but had to weigh myself at the doctor's today. Fuck me
/u/CannonEyes
Created: Tue Apr 17 10:27:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cxuze/recovering_but_had_to_weigh_myself_at_the_doctors/
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Last year I struggled with bulimia. Around December I started recovering. What motivated me really was the fact that I'd been experiencing chest pains when at the gym and I was really freaked out. I have not binged or purged since December. I also haven't stepped on a scale since December because I was obsessed and that's one of the things that drove my ED.. the constant need to lower the number on the scale.
Now I've been recovering on my own and have been eating whatever really because restricting lead me to bulimia. im trying to choose high protein options as I wanted to put on muscle. And I did! A bit of fat too but honestly nothing crazy. Even this morning I looked at myself in the mirror and liked my body.. that doesn't happen often as I'm sure we can all relate to.
Anyways today I had an appointment to finally get my heart checked out. Thankfully I haven't had chest pains since I stopped purging, but I booked this appointment months ago (Canada is great cause free health care but takes ages to get an appointment). So I wanted to go just to make sure I hadn't done any lasting damage.
Nurse asked me to step on the scale and I was a little hesitant but I did it. I wish I had asked her not to read the number aloud. She did, and I've gained weight. Like 10-12 lbs since December. And honestly a lot of that is muscle, but I haven't seen that number in a long time and I am freaking out.
I guess this is just a rant post, I don't know what I'm expecting anybody to say. But I'm freaking out and don't want to ruin the progress I've made so far in my recovery.
[Other] I highly recommend reading this manga, My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness. It's an autobiographical comic where the author struggles with her eating disorder, among her other issues
/u/petitepinaypls
Created: Tue Apr 17 10:20:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cxt3v/i_highly_recommend_reading_this_manga_my_lesbian/
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https://i.imgur.com/6MjOcP2.jpg
[Other] Bean appreciation
/u/handzies
Created: Tue Apr 17 10:12:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cxqpk/bean_appreciation/
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Dear beans,
You have always been there for me.
You come in nice cans, you don't expire if I don't eat for a week. You are inconspicuous and in expensive.
You are so versatile and keep my guts oh-so healthy. I can't even choose who is the best, your whole family brings joy to my life.
Black beans, with just peppers, onions, and salsa, perhaps guac. you turn into just the tastiest burrito bowl, for less that 200 calories for a whole can of you guys? But fucking me up on those essential ass nutrients? Some times you even give me the balls to eat a tortilla? 👌👏👏👏
Kidney beans, all you honestly need is hot sauce, you know who you are. You're a big boi coming to make my belly feel full for 80 calories a serving.
Chick pea, oh chick pea, an invitation to so much meaty goodness. You go with any curry, you are good hot, you are good cold. And the collabs you and soup have done will be an insperation for years to come. 30 calories a serving? Are you fucking kidding me? No, you aren't.
Black eyed peas and green beans!
L E N T I L S
Keep doing what you do, thank you for keeping me vaugly fed
I am so proud of you, much love
- some food confused hoe on the internet
Are my struggles valid enough to get treatment?
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Tue Apr 17 10:04:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cxoew/are_my_struggles_valid_enough_to_get_treatment/
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I want to get treatment REALLY bad but I don’t know if I qualify.
I feel unable to do the things i need to do. All i want to do is binge or take laxatives today when i really should be going to class, doing homework, packing (I’m moving SOON). To avoid b/p and taking laxatives im just laying in bed. I know that going outside will tempt me and make me want to binge and i don’t want to take adderall to restrict today, i can’t take the anxiety that comes with that. I feel like i can’t do what needs to be done anymore. I can’t be this busy when I’m so obsessed with where to get food, where to puke it, where to be when the lax hits, and mostly I’m concerned with how I’m going to function on such a caloric deficit when I’m at work. I’ve almost fainted a few times lately and I’m scared it will happen. I want to stop feeling like shit all the time but i don’t want to gain weight. I want to lose I️t so bad. I want help but im not underweight. What do i do? I feel like I’m not suffering enough, or that these symptoms haven’t fucked my life up enough for me to get more serious help. Im going to therapy rn but it’s not cutting it.
[Rant/Rave] broke up w my bf, i guess?
/u/serketcircuit [5'6" | CW: Landwhale | They/Them]
Created: Tue Apr 17 09:21:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cxca4/broke_up_w_my_bf_i_guess/
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ive been in an ldr for a few years. we met online, so weve never seen each other in person. it started around the time my disorder started, hes the one who pushed me into self-recovery
but eventually we started drifting, to the point where i dont even feel like i know him anymore. we've talked about it and tried connecting again but nothing seems to work
he tried to check in on me a few weeks ago but i just...ignored it. he hasnt tried to talk to me since, and i dont feel bad about it. i also quietly blocked him on social media a while before that, and he either hasn't noticed or hasnt brought it up. i started restricting again, and don't feel any guilt or need to tell him like i used to
i suppose its over
[Discussion] does this ring a bell to anyone...lol
/u/zjxq
Created: Tue Apr 17 09:12:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cx9lk/does_this_ring_a_bell_to_anyonelol/
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i fluctuate between the same three or so pounds, my bmi always hovering around 20.5, but some days (like today) the fat around my stomach and back feels like it's literally stretching my skin and pushing outward. all day I'm conscious of the way it feels, whether i'm wearing high waisted leggings that push it in or just a t-shirt and underwear. i don't feel bloated, or more bloated than normal, but where two days ago my stomach was just my stomach, now it's like it's poking out more than ever and expanding. from counting calories i know that i couldn't have eaten more than maintenance over the past two days.
anyways has anyone experienced anything like this, where your stomach (and sides and back) literally feel like they're in the process of expanding. i hope this makes sense.
[Rant/Rave] Going to die :)
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Tue Apr 17 08:57:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cx5h5/going_to_die/
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My ex boyfriend is so fucking hot and his new girlfriend is so fucking skinny and I am so triggered :)
Also got weighed at the doctor’s today and realized I gained like 10-12 pounds since last year and I basically just wanna die.
[Help] Eating disorders on vacation
/u/RiggaMorris1 [5'4" | 107 | 18.3 | -96 | 20F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 08:47:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cx2nv/eating_disorders_on_vacation/
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Hey guys, first-time poster here. I've been suffering from anorexia for a year now, diagnosed 6 months ago. I'm waiting for treatment and not really recovering - I try and eat as much as I can manage but I don't actively try and fight restriction or exercise urges (sorry if this triggers anyone, it's just where I'm at right now).
After diagnosis I was positive I'd be recovered in a few months so I booked a holiday with my boyfriend and his family. We're off to Hong Kong for 2 weeks to visit his ENTIRE family who live there. At the time I thought I'd have gotten better and would be fine, but it's 2 months until the holiday now and I'm worse than ever. His family are wonderful but culturally the stigma around mental health is not the best in HK from what I've been told (please correct me if I'm wrong as I'm really worried about this). I have a strict eating routine and only eat certain safe foods, but these won't be available in HK.
Does anyone have any advice on how to try and enjoy my holiday without feeling like I'm going to break because of my ED? Whenever I think about the food I'll have to eat I feel disgusting and terrified. I really need to enjoy myself and appear unphased, but I really don't know how :(
[Other] Friends Comments
/u/Renegade_always_was [5'6 | CW 135 | UGW 115 | 21.88 | -25lbs | 20/F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 08:42:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cx18u/friends_comments/
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So I love my friends to death, we are all about to be living together in a house. I currently live alone which allows me to eat in the way that I like. But yesterday we were all out looking for a house, afterward they decided to get some fast food. While I was in the car with them one asked if I wanted something to which I declined and then my best friend said, "see that's her favorite thing, starving herself one day at a time." I know that he was just joking but it made me feel super uneasy for the rest of the day. He has told me in the past if he found out I wasn't eating he would kick my ass, but I know that is a paper thin threat; I just cant help but feel weird about that comment.
[Rant/Rave] could someone calm me the fuck down
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 17 07:49:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cwnpn/could_someone_calm_me_the_fuck_down/
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[deleted]
[Help] How to get out of eating while out with a friend?
/u/ricerollers [5'4 | Obese | -30 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 07:47:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cwn14/how_to_get_out_of_eating_while_out_with_a_friend/
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Sorry if this type of post isn’t allowed, please remove if I’m breaking any rules.
I’m going with my friend to help her look for potential apartments and she’s already mentioned going out for breakfast/lunch at some point.
I have my foods lined up for the day and reeeally don’t want to eat out. Hidden calories EVERYWHERE.
What can I do/say to not eat without seeming so suspicious?
[Help] girlfriend forcing me to eat?
/u/caroxxkings [5'7" || don't wanna check ]
Created: Tue Apr 17 07:24:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cwhk1/girlfriend_forcing_me_to_eat/
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hey! I'm 19, f. so my girlfriend is very passionate about food and what not, she works in a restaurant, and constantly brings me food from said restaurant. I really resent this, but she knows I've had ED in the past, but doesn't know I've relapsed. It really screws up my cal count for the day when she forces me to eat pasta. Idk what to do! If I don't eat she gets really upset.
[Discussion] In honor of the holiday this Friday, what are your lowest cal snack recommendations?
/u/wekshi [23F | 5'6 | CW: 145.1 | HW: 165 | GW1: 140]
Created: Tue Apr 17 07:07:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cwdee/in_honor_of_the_holiday_this_friday_what_are_your/
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Whether you partake or not, this Friday is 4/20. For all of us little stonerinos out there, what're your favorite munchies that won't lead to catastrophe?
Mine are:
* Pears sliced really thin - you get a *ton* for <100cal
* Lil Crunchies cheese puff snacks - thanks /u/savethebabyfood
* Cucumbers with Tabanero hot sauce on them
* Of course Halo Top, of course
* Diet Dr Pepper forever and ever amen
[Rant/Rave] I am so out of touch with the reality of what I've eaten
/u/COOKIE_PRINCESS [4'10" | 🍪 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 06:59:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cwbho/i_am_so_out_of_touch_with_the_reality_of_what_ive/
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I've eaten nonstop since I woke up today very much in a binging mindset and I stopped, panicking, feeling like I've eaten thousands of calories over my tdee and just generally feeling awful.
When I try to think back and estimate the amount I've eaten though I get like 3/4 of my tdee at most. I've recalculated over a dozen times and I just can't rationalise it. I feel like I've miscalculated or I've eaten something I totally forgot. It honestly feels like I'm going insane??
It's not the first time that I've been in this situation but it just highlights to me just how messed up and out of touch with reality my emotions and thoughts can be sometime. I still don't believe I've eaten less than my tdee and I feel like a crazy person because I'm SO SURE
[Help] Is there a CICO explanation for plateaus?
/u/Solidly-secretive
Created: Tue Apr 17 06:53:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cwaar/is_there_a_cico_explanation_for_plateaus/
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I mean long plateaus, even when you're weighing and logging everything you eat. I shouldn't be stalled at less than 700 calories a day lol
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday April 17, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 17 06:10:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cw13d/thinspo_tuesday_april_17_2018/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 17, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 17 06:10:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cw12k/daily_food_diary_april_17_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 17, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Other] Technically they are nudes
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 04:59:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cvnc6/technically_they_are_nudes/
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https://i.redd.it/u5xnnyb9ags01.png
[Rant/Rave] Insensitive friend
/u/srh01
Created: Tue Apr 17 04:49:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cvln6/insensitive_friend/
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Saturday was my high school prom, so I went home for the weekend from my residential dual enrollment program. Three friends and I went as a group, first going to dinner at a restaurant downtown. I said I wasn't hungry and didn't plan on ordering anything, until one of my friends (my best friend, actually--we met the first day of freshman year and have been inseparable since) threatened to tell my mom I'm bulimic if I didn't order something.
It was definitely a shock to hear her say something like that--first of all, she said it loudly in her conversational voice, and the rest of the table was listening. Second, I hadn't seen her in over two months since I hadn't come home since early February, and even if I were bulimic, she'd have no way of knowing it. We also confide everything to each other, but her saying she'd "tell on me" makes me less likely to share important parts of my life.
I ended up ordering an $11 salad and requested no toppings or dressing (literally only romaine). I didn't eat any of it, just cut it up and moved it back and forth across my plate to make it look like I had. It's hard for me to eat without knowing the caloric value, so I don't enjoy eating out at places that don't post their nutrition facts.
I'm also not bulimic, not that that's the point. I don't binge; I purge occasionally, but only small amounts of food. If I were bulimic, she still shouldn't have said that in front of everyone and threatened to tattle.
[Other] Well fuck me, this hits a little too close to home.
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 60 | 20.05/19.81 | GW: 57 | UGW: <55 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 02:59:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cv4oo/well_fuck_me_this_hits_a_little_too_close_to_home/
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https://i.redd.it/hoaaz29hlcs01.jpg
I've never been more embarrassed!!!
/u/Throwaway88988677
Created: Tue Apr 17 02:51:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cv3h6/ive_never_been_more_embarrassed/
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To preface- I'm an English teacher in Asia, where the culture regarding appearance is very open, and very critical... My students like to comment on my weight- "oh so thin" "oh wow look at your wrist" which really really makes me anxious as it is. Forcing me to eat, weighing me as a joke- it makes me panic and absolutely ruins my day- But these things are just seen as normal things to do to a friend.
Sometimes we'll have class discussions where we have to utilize new vocabulary- and my kids will say things like "so-and-so is the fattest in the class" the same way you'd describe the tallest, or the shortest. Often my students- who are about 14-16 will diet by eating less, and I know a lot of my colleagues are doing a celebrity apple a day diet. People here are very against fat people.
So anyways... I like to eat one meal a day- which is usually breakfast. I'll pick up some street food, or something from 7-11 and maybe two bottles of cold 0cal green tea for the day. Usually about 500 calories in total, but sometimes (like this morning) I'll pick up around 1000 calories for the day so I can be a little more active :,)
I usually eat in my classroom while my students have their free work period- and talk to them so they can practice their English. It's often the highlight of my day- eating, company- it's almost like normal!
But today I noticed my student was skipping breakfast, and I asked if it was enough. And she said she already ate- and I said "oh me too!" To which she replied, "I know, you eat a lot."
My heart dropped into my stomach, and I tried so hard not to keep smiling. I said, "oh really?"
And she said, "Yes! Everyone talks about it"
And I asked which of my kids specifically, and she just said that how much I eat is apparently a hot topic... I was shaking.
I felt absolutely sick, and horrible, like I was hyper aware of everything in my body. I ended up making myself nauseous that I had to run to the bathroom after my class and throw up, which I've really never ever done before. My throat is still burning now that I'm at home... crying like a baby in the shower :/
ANyways, my favorite time of the day is absolutely ruined. And I feel humiliated, Like I'm the fat foreign teacher now. I'm not sure what to do, because I don't want to eat at home- then I would have to bring food into my appartement, and if I eat at lunch that's still with my students. I also don't what them to know it gets to me, but I just feel so disgusting and embarrassed. I don't ever want to eat again.
[Rant/Rave] Had my first true binge day in at least 6 months or so.
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 136 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 17 02:37:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cv1cm/had_my_first_true_binge_day_in_at_least_6_months/
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I'm not really mad about it. I had been on track more or less for a few weeks. And the past 2 weeks were extremely hectic. Had one of the best emotional connections and then sex of my life immediately followed by the guy telling me he regretted it all and that he'd just used me, and then blocked my number. Escalated my self harm to a new level by letting myself be used by a guy I didn't want to have sex with, and now I feel like a whore (and a bad person for having sex biases and shit). Then my ex dropped a bomb on me that I subsequently suppressed into oblivion (couldn't even cry about it), which led me to get so suicidal that I picked out a place to jump from in my city. I'm feeling a bit better now, but I slept most of today along with eating 3-4000 calories. My mood swings are out of control. My meds obviously are not helping. I might need to go inpatient for my depression, which i really dont want to do.
So yeah, a binge is the least of my problems.
dysmorphia_irl
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 17 01:54:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cuvap/dysmorphia_irl/
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https://i.redd.it/fpc0e61dzes01.png
What are your pre-scale rituals?
/u/crochetyhooker [5'8" | CW 196.8 |GW 180|UGW 140]
Created: Tue Apr 17 01:33:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cus8e/what_are_your_prescale_rituals/
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[Rant/Rave] Work Woes
/u/RichardStarrkey [6'0 | CW:FAT | GW:55kg | M]
Created: Mon Apr 16 23:57:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cucot/work_woes/
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A tall skinny french model looking fucker I'm jealous of walks in with two friends. They order coke zeros.
Fridge only had one can left.
Boss makes me serve half coke zero, half regular sugar trash coke.
I'm sorry lady, I'm sorry!
[Rant/Rave] I’m Alive!!!
/u/mumertro
Created: Mon Apr 16 23:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cubu7/im_alive/
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Long time lurker of this sub, & I figured I should introduce myself, & nothing brings people closer than talking about shit.
Anyway, I downed like 5 laxatives & it was likes my intestines decided to stab me back this time because it was EXCRUCIATING. I’m stoked that I didn’t die, I’m officially a changed woman now.
[Other] New anxiety medicine makes me nauseous to eat- blessing in disguise??
/u/lyssaline
Created: Mon Apr 16 23:35:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cu8vx/new_anxiety_medicine_makes_me_nauseous_to_eat/
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Started Prozac about 2 weeks ago, I have managed to lose like 10 pounds on it, because if I eat it makes me sick. I have managed to cut down to one meal a day, drinking most of my calories (about 700 a day, which is not much for me). I was scared to start this med but it is proving to be awesome.
[Rant/Rave] I hate hate haaaaaate when anyone points out my weight loss.
/u/aprilfades
Created: Mon Apr 16 23:21:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cu6by/i_hate_hate_haaaaaate_when_anyone_points_out_my/
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I'm not underweight. Not even close. I'm actually teetering on the edge of overweight. But I came down from obesity, so it's a stark difference, supposedly. I think I'm down ~50lb now.
I should be proud of my discipline. But I'm not. Instead, I'm ashamed I was ever even at that point. And I don't even notice any difference, so I feel even worse about myself now than when I began.
So I absolutely *hate* when anyone points out my weight loss. I want to erase all evidence that I was ever overweight. I want to relish in the nostalgia of old photos, but I can't. I hate them. Just reminders of my worst quality. It's like I'm being haunted.
I would so much like to share progress pics on social media, but I never will. I don't want the term "overweight" to be associated with me in any way, shape, or form. So if my family could just STOP pointing out that I used to be overweight, that'd be gr8 thxx
Just needed to rant. I hope everyone's having a lovely evening♥️
[Discussion] intermittent fasting?
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Mon Apr 16 23:17:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cu5rl/intermittent_fasting/
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has anyone tried this for weight loss? is it hard and how many calories do u have to consume in the 8 hour window if following the 16-8 structure.
back story about myself:
i have anorexia and had it so bad last year that i had 7% body fat and had to drop out of school. i’ve gained 25 pounds since then during recovery, but instead of recovering i developed a binge eating disorder again (i started binging when i was 6 and quickly made my way to 150 pounds.) i finally clicked back into my anorexia and stopped binging and have lost 3 pounds this week! i need new help though!! :)
[Help] Is my scale broken or something??
/u/orchia [5'7.5" | CW 130 | UGW 110 | 17F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 23:02:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cu300/is_my_scale_broken_or_something/
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I was 134.8 lbs this morning, up 5 lbs from yesterday. Weighed myself after using the bathroom, not wearing heavy clothing, etc. I kinda freaked out but told myself it was just water weight and I can’t gain on 500 cal/day.
Like 6 hours later I weighed myself again because why not, and the scale said 128.4 lbs. I’m usually lighter in the afternoon but that’s a whole 6.4 lbs (usually it’s a 1-2 lb difference at most). So is my scale screwed up or what? I mean it’s impossible to lose 6 lbs of water weight over a few hours, right? Especially since I was drinking liquids (a Diet Coke and some water) all day. Gahh I’m so confused and lowkey freaking out because I only have this one scale...
[Help] need to gain *fake-ish* weight fast
/u/hairbrushes
Created: Mon Apr 16 22:14:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ctttp/need_to_gain_fakeish_weight_fast/
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what are ways i can gain like 5 pounds really quickly bc my mom said if i don’t i have to quit boxing and lifting and i’m not tryna have that happen like i want to binge and just eat and actually gain the 5lbs bc it would help a lot for muscle growth but i don’t wanna get fat :( what do i do???
[Discussion] Has anyone else ever "recovered" only to slip back into their ED unexpectedly?
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 22:09:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ctsz9/has_anyone_else_ever_recovered_only_to_slip_back/
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A few years ago when I finally moved out on my own I was actually at a healthy weight and wanted to lose a little more but in a healthy way. For maybd six months I ate around 1200 calories, I rarely binged, I didn't purge or heavy restrict. I was doing well. Then it just fell apart out of nowhere.
I started purging and binging and heavy restricting. It makes me feel like I'll never be able to really recover even when I'm ready to... Just thinking out loud I guess.
[Rant/Rave] Parents took me on a shopping spree, but it went horribly because of one comment...
/u/skincarer_
Created: Mon Apr 16 22:09:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ctsvb/parents_took_me_on_a_shopping_spree_but_it_went/
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So I have BED and have gained a LOT of weight over the past year. I am deadset on breaking out of this binge-cycle and getting to my GW1 but I'm not there yet. I thought buying for myself at my low weight (which I was before, so I knew my old sizes) would help me feel more focused but the sales associate was like "Oh, are you sure you aren't a large?" And insisted I take huge sizes into a changing room. I flat out told her I'm trying to lose weight and I know what size I'm looking for but she acted like I hadn't said anything and it made me feel like SHIT. Whole day ruined. It happened this afternoon and I still feel like crying.
[Help] Can you get psychiatric help when you're at a healthy weight
/u/ASAPfeline [5'5" | CW: 130 :( | 20F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 21:18:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ctijc/can_you_get_psychiatric_help_when_youre_at_a/
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This constant oscillation between binging and restricting is ruining my life and making me severely depressed (or maybe the depression causes it, idk). Will I be treated with actual concern even if I appear to be healthy
[Rant/Rave] I binged today and I'm so angry at myself.
/u/perlkat
Created: Mon Apr 16 21:01:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ctet0/i_binged_today_and_im_so_angry_at_myself/
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I was doing SO WELL. Seriously. I started with 1200 calories a day. The first week was hard, but then it started to get easier. The second week, I was down to less than 1000 a day. The third week, I was below 800 a day and a couple of days I was on track to eat less than 500. I couldn't believe how much easier it got in only three weeks! But then I told my fiance about the problems I was having. It's so stupid, but I didn't want him to help me. Just pity me, I guess? But he helped me force myself to eat and my stomach expanded back to what it was before. All that progress, ruined in just one week.
Now here I am, trying to start over. It's hard not to be hard on myself. I didn't binge even once during that three weeks, and today is day two of being back on the wagon and I seriously binged 2000 calories today. A family sized pack of peanut m&m's (my ultimate weakness) and a bunch of mini croissants that I bought to c/s. And that was on top of 800 calories of regular food. I'm so angry at myself! All of that work in therapy for years to fix my depression and self-loathing and it's like it's all coming back over some stupid wedding planning. God, this sucks. I hate hating food. I want to go back to two weeks ago, when I forgot what good things tasted like and I didn't eat anything. I wasn't losing any weight, but at least I felt clean. Now I just feel like a pig.
I'm still really new to this, even though I've acknowledged my disordered eating since November. What do you guys do to feel better after a binge? I'm planning a 24 hour fast (since 6pm tonight when I stopped eating) and a really tiny dinner tomorrow. But I don't even have faith in myself to complete that. How do I make myself feel better? I'm too stuffed to even go to the gym, all I can do is wallow in self-loathing.
Bonus points: posting this from my main account as some sort of stupid and desperate cry for help, as my fiance knows my username. What a life.
[Other] Being a guy with an eating disorder is so easy.
/u/You-Key-Oh-Me-She-Ma
Created: Mon Apr 16 20:45:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ctbbf/being_a_guy_with_an_eating_disorder_is_so_easy/
---
I eat one huge meal once every three days and my roommates know this. Instead of giving me "The Talk" they just tell me how they are jealous of my self control.
I know there is a lot of bullshit for guys that have ED's and want to get help but I'm really glad that I don't get harassed about my eating habits, and I feel bad for the girls with ED's that have to go through an interrogation about their diets
Anyway, I'm just glad that my problems are my problems and I don't have to deal with strangers being nosy about my diet like girls do.
[Rant/Rave] The universe is telling me not to recover
/u/feedmecelery
Created: Mon Apr 16 20:19:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ct5sp/the_universe_is_telling_me_not_to_recover/
---
Throwaway account because I feel like I post too often on my other one 🙄
It’s been 3 months since I last saw my ED therapist. A lot of shit went down with the clinic she works out of, not with her specifically, and I just couldn’t keep going there. So I left, and spiraled back into old habits.
Yesterday, I told my husband and my mom that I wanted to go back to my therapist. I missed her, I needed her help, and I’d just have to suck it up and deal with the clinic. It took a lot for me to say it, especially because I just don’t think I’m sick enough to go get help again, but I was ready.
Today I got an email from the clinic. That therapist was leaving to work at a college nearby, but you had to be enrolled in the college to see her. She’s he only person I’ve ever felt comfortable talking to, the only one I was willing to go back to. I can’t start over with someone new. Not again.
So I won’t I’m going to keep going with this bullshit, maybe until I die. I guess that’s what the universe had in mind for me.
[Other] I’m going to see a ED specialist-therapist probably soon
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 115 | 19.7 | meh | 26F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 20:06:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ct2ux/im_going_to_see_a_ed_specialisttherapist_probably/
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I’ve been bulimic for like 7-8 years on and off and I’m going to be honest I’d rather be anorexic than to be on this shame-euphoria coaster (I’m sorry if I come off ignorant, I don’t mean to).
But I saw a counselor today who is going to get in touch with an ED specialist. Maybe I can get off this infernal euphoric train? I dunno I just want to stop being a passenger on this ride I suppose
I just want genuine support is all.
[Rant/Rave] im sick of not being able to eat anything and be happy with it
/u/wetbookshelf [5’3 | CW: 96 lbs | BMI: 17.48 | GW: 95 lbs]
Created: Mon Apr 16 20:04:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ct2k7/im_sick_of_not_being_able_to_eat_anything_and_be/
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i ate nothing today and came home and ate maybe 10 bites of a caesar salad
all i could think about was the calories in the ranch dressing
I still felt fat afterwards even though I weighed myself and I’m at 96 which means I lost since yesterday
(but a few days ago I was at 95 and its all I can think about)
I just want to think normal thoughts for once and be able to eat normally
but then i’d probably be fat so
[Discussion] DAE dissociate from their body/life?
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Mon Apr 16 20:02:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ct1ys/dae_dissociate_from_their_bodylife/
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Does anyone else get visual disturbances and feel like they’re not alive? Yesterday it felt like my vision was lagging and it made me feel dizzy to look around and have to refocus my eyes. Sometimes its hard to process information. And sometimes i experience visual disturbances like patterns or movements when nothing is there. Everything looks spotty-like an old static tv screen. I️t sounds like static too. Basically my body-the lense through which i am living life feels kinda fucked and it’s weird. I don’t really feel “present”. Like yes I’m here but I may as well be somewhere else cuz it’s not like I’m really here. BUT I️ AM AT THE SAME TIME and it’s so hard to live.
[Other] This gives me so much thinspo (although she's super tall and eats a lot more than I ever could)
/u/carlisam9797 [5'2" 19F | CW 119 | SW 130 | GW 105 | UGW 99]
Created: Mon Apr 16 20:01:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ct1ox/this_gives_me_so_much_thinspo_although_shes_super/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5356zt0JiDY
[Rant/Rave] Made huge mistake today yeet
/u/slip_n_slice
Created: Mon Apr 16 19:56:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ct0iw/made_huge_mistake_today_yeet/
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So ive been trying to sell my second car and ive had a lot of tire kickers, but today i had a guy who seemed like a legitimate buyer (ended up trading for a PS4 pro and a pair of 15" subs in a cabinet to a friend)...
But anyway, buyer asks for a picture of both a sample of the oil and coolant so he can look for obvious issues and i oblige.
Being the idiot i am, i sit on the porch with my alcohol next to the cup of coolant and decided to relax a while while i wait. Finished my drink and as the sun rose i felt a little warm so i went for a nice big gulp of thist quenching boozy-fruity satisfaction and take one of those like multiswallow swigs before i realize *oh fuck that not my drink*
I had drank probably 50-80mL of coolant and despite my will i couldnt vomit. Yay.
So i have felt like utter shit all day, and im going to miss work tonight and i feel lile im dying...but i havnt had any food cravings so i guess thats good.
Dont worry, i did a little research and consulted my medically trained sister and ahe said i should be okay but feel like shit. And the kicker...the "remedy" is literally drinking alcohol to help flush the glycol from my kidneys so i guess i have that going for me.
I figured i share my bit of excitement with you guys, but dont worry, i shouldnt be in any "real" danger so its kinda one of those thinga where you throw your hands up and learn your lesson.
Yee yup, im a screw up 🙂
Fuck having friends
/u/Meldawgs2009 [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Mon Apr 16 19:45:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8csy73/fuck_having_friends/
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I have ppd and ppa. Was diagnosed soon after daughter (2) was born. I’ve had my ED for 2 years. Pretty sure I was bulimic durning pregnancy and just ruled it out as pregnancy nausea. Only one of my friends knows about it and today I told her that was ramping up and what does she do? She calls CPS on me. The cops showed up at work to talk to me. I work at a daycare for Christ sake! I’m beyond hurt and feel so betrayed. Fuck asking for help if this is what it gets you!
[Rant/Rave] Posted a progress pic to try and feel a little bit better about my body currently, get called out in the comments. This feels so crummy.
/u/AnnahxD [5'9" | CW144 | 20.88 | GW127 | F21]
Created: Mon Apr 16 19:43:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8csxrd/posted_a_progress_pic_to_try_and_feel_a_little/
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https://i.redd.it/f67fp2g3jds01.jpg
[Help] Question about Ephedrine plus Caffeine
/u/dried_pineapple [4 '11 | Goal: 90 lbs | F 26]
Created: Mon Apr 16 19:40:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cswzw/question_about_ephedrine_plus_caffeine/
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What do you guys do, do you take Ephedrine with Caffeine pills or drink coffee with Ephedrine pills?
I went to Walgreens and only found these Ephedrine pills, are they OK to take? https://imgur.com/a/HyvDp
I have Schizophrenia and didn't want to tell the Pharmacist but IDK if it's safe to take the Ephedrine with my other meds... I can try it tomorrow morning and see how it feels I guess. What do you guys think?
I couldn't find Caffeine pills at Walgreens, and I was too afraid to ask in case they'd make some connection between me getting the Ephedrine and the caffeine. So all I can do for tomorrow at least is take Ephedrine with coffee.
[Discussion] Is peach still a thing? If so can we get a second thread for people who are new/people that are still active?
/u/Reesesaremyweakness [5'2| 136 |24.76 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 19:39:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cswtk/is_peach_still_a_thing_if_so_can_we_get_a_second/
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I can't comment on the megathread anymore and I just got the app but I really dig it so I hope it's still something you guys use oops
[Rant/Rave] A bad cycle of losing and re-gaining weight
/u/one_nervous_boi [6'7"/201cm | 290 lb. | M]
Created: Mon Apr 16 19:38:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cswfq/a_bad_cycle_of_losing_and_regaining_weight/
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Every few weeks I go through the same cycle. I start exercising and eating better, I start to lose some weight, I start getting obsessive over other parts of my body, I get sad and binge-eat for a while, I gain the weight back, and then I start over again.
I've always been overweight, and since for the past couple years I've been hovering at around 290 lbs and 6'7", I'm quite obese. I know I can lose weight because whenever I do start exercising and eating better it works! But then when I stop criticizing myself for my weight, I criticize myself for something else. I hate my height, I hate my face, I hate how big my nose is, I hate my eyebrows, I hate my voice, I hate my laugh. I know that even if I was in perfect shape, I'd still hate my body just as much.
This has always lead me to start binging again and stop exercising. My mindset is "if I'm always going to be a disgusting freak, what's the point of trying to look better?" Right now I'm back up to my normal weight after a period of time of eating badly and not exercising much. As always, I'll give it another go.
[Rant/Rave] Donuts are the worst
/u/kaelidoscope [5'0 | CW 99.2 | GW: 90 | 20.40 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 19:26:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8csty8/donuts_are_the_worst/
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That is all.
[Help] low bp+insane binging+restricting
/u/Zefuyne
Created: Mon Apr 16 19:25:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cstpd/low_bpinsane_bingingrestricting/
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i binged on 4500 calories for about 3 days today im tryna get back on track w/ 900 calories, but i feel extremely weak my bp is 85/54 with my healthy on record being 105/61-65. i've been drinking water and gone from 5 cups of coffee a day to only 2,
i'm incredibly hungry and shaky, not dehydrated i know im hungry because of coming back from eating so much but my body is so worn out i blacked out at school and came to within 10 minutes or so, i just feel so exhausted on any amount of calories. i am at a healthy weight.
any ideas on what it could be? i don't have a doctor atm.
[Rant/Rave] soooooooooo irritated
/u/nchlaz [5'11 | 137 | 18.5 | -70 | M]
Created: Mon Apr 16 19:24:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cstia/soooooooooo_irritated/
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I love cereal but never let myself buy it when I restrict because I love it way too much. But I splurged and bought this cereal that looked really good (maple brown sugar frosted mini wheats) from Trader Joe’s today thinking ok 200 calories for 55g that’s not too bad. Itll be a snack before bed. I weigh out 55g and it’s literally 10 squares of cereal.. the bottom of the bowl wasn’t even half full like jesus fucking christ I want to die
[Rant/Rave] I hate myself for being so tall but I love other tall people
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 16 19:12:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8csqsb/i_hate_myself_for_being_so_tall_but_i_love_other/
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[deleted]
[Help] What things help you binge less?
/u/Greeneloaf [5'5 | 112 | 18.8 | 57 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 18:48:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8csl3g/what_things_help_you_binge_less/
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Last week I started having chest pains related to my restricting and fasting and it was terrifying. My boyfriend and various ppl on /r/askdocs were basically telling me that I was going to die and making me even more scared so I’m trying to recover and I literally cannot stop binging. Eating even small amounts of food is so painful and right now I can’t control myself any time I eat. I’ve been trying to avoid weighing myself because I know it’ll make me begin fasting immediately. What kinds of things do you guys do to avoid binging all the time?
[Rant/Rave] I did REALLY great grocery shopping healthy, low cal, clean food and my mom just brought home a bunch of junk food
/u/Reesesaremyweakness [5'2| 136 |24.76 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 18:24:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8csf86/i_did_really_great_grocery_shopping_healthy_low/
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I feel like everything just got x100000000000 harder because there's a shit ton of uncrustables, pretzels with cheese centers, and BBQ wings hanging out in my kitchen now. I'm SO stressed rn
[Goal] Reached my goal weight, tried to "recover," gained 4 pounds in 6 days
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 101.4 | 18.5 | UGW: 93 | -20 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 18:18:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8csds8/reached_my_goal_weight_tried_to_recover_gained_4/
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Basically this. I got down to 101, finally, by fasting 2 days a week and eating sub-800 the other 5 days, for nine weeks. I figure, okay, I'm at my gw, I can have more freedom now, right? I allow myself between 1100 and 1300 calories a day. I estimate I will be at a slight deficit (very slight, like 100 calories) so there's no danger of regaining. I eat my usual sub-800 meals, add in an extra 200-calorie breakfast, and 100-300 calories of snacks and sweets. Yeah! Go me! I'm not bingeing! I'm mostly respecting my hunger cues! I'm being a responsible owner of a body! Yes!
...no. I have gained 4 pounds. I am 104.8 as of today. If I have broken my metabolism, fuck me I guess. If it is only water weight, I have to resume restricting until I am 4 pounds *under* my goal weight, so that resuming eating will bring me up to my goal weight and not 4 or 5 pounds above it. Fml. I hate everything. Another 4 weeks of fasting for me. If I had never started eating again, 4 more weeks of fasting would have made me 96 pounds, not the weight I was a week ago.
Fuck.
[Rant/Rave] Can't sleep cus of anxiety
/u/Tonilier
Created: Mon Apr 16 18:16:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8csd9z/cant_sleep_cus_of_anxiety/
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Not entirely ed related but I need to get this off my chest.
Tomorrow at school I'm finally coming out as trans, and I'm anxious as all hell about it. I've been trying to sleep for the past 2 hours but I've just given up by this point. To try make myself less anxious about my appearance (may not seem related but I have far less anxiety about things like this if I think I look good, I know that's shallow but it's how I am) I've been eating even less than usual the past 2 weeks. But if course I ended up having a controlled binge earlier (1000cals-ish) so what little anxiety management I would've got from that is out the window.
I'm honestly dying, tomorrow's gonna be terrible, everyone's gonna be focused on me, analysing everything I do, I wish I could just fade into the background and everyone just forget I ever existed as the person I used to be, like they just acted like I was a completely new person. Logically I know I'm probably blowing up people's possible reactions out of proportion but I can't stop thinking about how people will react, I want to die, I wish I had sleeping pills so I could just knock myself out cus dealing with tomorrow on no sleep will make it even worse.
I'm not sure what I've got to gain from posting this, I just really needed to get this off my chest.
[Discussion] Does your SO know about your mental health? How do you build trust to bring up issues and not withdraw?
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍉5'5|112|GW:105🍌]
Created: Mon Apr 16 17:52:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cs7rh/does_your_so_know_about_your_mental_health_how_do/
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I do not talk about my depression with my SO, and very rarely will talk about my anxiety. He has no idea how empty and dead I feel inside. He knows it has been several years since I have "recovered" from anorexia but also knows that my current eating habits are abnormal. I do not believe he knows I am still struggling with an ED.
I want to tell him these things that trouble me but I hate inconveniencing people with my problems. I don't know how to bring up my emotions or ask for things from other people when I need help. In previous relationships, my partners and I could talk for hours and share all of our secrets. But that's because conversations were reciprocal and I didn't always have to bring them up. They brought us closer. It's unfair to compare my boyfriend to old relationships, but when I think about it, I feel like there is some crucial element missing between us.
My SO really is an amazing guy and I know he cares about me, but he just doesn't talk to me very much. I see him with his friends and they joke and laugh and can talk about whatever so naturally, but with me he is so soft and quiet. We text frequently throughout the day, but when we are together we mostly discuss school and projects (which are both very important to us) and then play games, watch movies, cuddle and have sex. Those things are great, but I feel like this relationship lacks depth and communication and I don't even know how to bring it up.
I feel like he doesn't know me and doesn't really care to find out. As of this month, we have been together for one year. 2 months ago I worked up the courage to tell my SO that I love him. He said it back to me then and neither of us have said it since. I just feel like he will never say it to me if I don't say it first. The only reason we are together is because after 10 months of being FWB, I asked him if he wanted to date me. 3 months ago, he didn't even know my middle name :/
I know I am in a bad place and thinking bad thoughts but when I think about him I feel even lonlier. Lately, I turn over in my sleep and feel like I am touching a stranger. I know I would want him to tell me if he was dealing with hard stuff in his life or felt like there was something wrong in our relationship, but I don't know how to bring it up when we already share so little about ourselves. I put the blame on me because he probably thinks that there is nothing wrong. He has spent a lot of money on me and I feel so ungrateful but we do not speak the same love languages. I know I am his first GF, but I need some verbal affirmation that I matter to him. I just feel like I can't talk to him and it's definitely a personal hangup that causes me to isolate myself. How is it that we have been together for this long and I can still feel so disconnected?
.
[Rant/Rave] Help! My scale gives two different weights when I switch between Lbs & kg
/u/athrowaway76250 [5'4" | CW: ? | GW1: 99 | UGW: 93 | SW: 119 | LW: 99 | 24F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 17:41:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cs51a/help_my_scale_gives_two_different_weights_when_i/
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I put my scale in my closet to try to dissuade myself from using it too much, but today curiosity took over and I decided to weigh myself.
But to keep myself from freaking out too much about what it said, I decided to change the units to kg before actually getting on. Since I'm used to pounds, and only have an approximate understanding of kg, I thought it might help to keep me from focusing too much on the *exact* "pounds" I weigh and just give me a general idea. I (arbitrarily) decided that anything 50 kg or less should be okay.
Bad idea. It said 50.8 kg, so of course I panicked and Googled the conversion. 112 pounds, which would mean I've gained 7 pounds in a week—and I have definitely not been eating THAT much. So I panicked and re-weighed myself with the scale switched back to Lbs, and it said 108.4. Hmm.
So now I'm like—how the fuck am I supposed to know what I weigh if my own scale doesn't even know what I weigh?????
For what it's worth, it's an Etekcity digital scale, and at least when it's switched to pounds it's always seemed to be fairly accurate (i.e., matching up with what the doctor's office scale says I weigh).
But now I'm confused and upset. For no reason, really, except that even though I *have* been trying to gain a *little* weight lately, I now have no idea how much I've *actually* gained.
Its ruined.
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Mon Apr 16 17:26:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cs1o7/its_ruined/
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I can't believe it. After all these months of working so hard. I was I only 8 pounds away from my ugw. The weight i would show everyone I could achieve something. The weight to show everyone that it wasn't impossible. The weight I dreamed of reaching. It took 4 months to go from 108-68. Now the scale is increasing, and all that's going away. I weight 77 lbs. In less then a week I gained like what 9 lbs? From eating less then what a normal person would eat. Being in the hospitals not fun. They weigh me everyday. Everyone just thinks gaining weight some what makes someone better. Ha. No. As soon as I leave this hospital i'm never eating again. Thanks for wasting 4 months of my life "treatment."
[Rant/Rave] Hanging Out with Overweight Friends Rant Time
/u/rae_all_dae
Created: Mon Apr 16 17:02:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8crvkr/hanging_out_with_overweight_friends_rant_time/
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I’m on mobile so sorry about the lack of tags.
I hung out with my friends (a couple) yesterday and I had a lot of fun. I decided to let loose and not track, which I regret today, but that’s not the only thing that’s on my mind right now. I keep thinking about some of the comments they made about food, diet, and weight. I love them and I know they don’t mean anything bad because what they said wouldn’t bother a normal person. I think? They are both pretty overweight, I’m thinking in the obese category.
So, we went to the movies and I decided to let myself have a half diet half regular soda as a VERY rare treat. I haven’t had a sugar drink in over a month. Maybe two. They joked at the thin cashier about how I didn’t need the diet and to slip me all regular. She actually looked uncomfortable for me, gave me a solidarity look, then told us that my request was really common. Fist bump, girl. Then they made me hold the XL popcorn because “I don’t have to worry about it if I eat it all.” I do have to worry. I always worry. I’m just glad we saw A Quiet Place which is a mostly muted movie. I felt weird about others hearing me eat popcorn in the almost silent theatre otherwise I would have smashed that shit.
On to lunch. We got Mexican, my fav, because if I’m gonna hate myself later it might as well be for deliciousness. I had a beer and ordered a combo plate so I’d have leftovers as we planned to drink like wild people. I only ate my tostada at the restaurant and they poked fun at me for not eating more. We just ate popcorn!! I’m not making fun of you for cleaning your plate! Back the fuck off!
So now it’s time to get our bottles so we can get drunk. At the store I resist the urge to grab one of those huge multi serving candy bars and decide to wait until we get to the checkout so I can grab a regular size. Well, our line only has the mini 100 cal bars, which I’m super happy about because I just cut my candy cals in half. I contain my joy. They then make fun of me because “I thought you weren’t going to buy candy. Of course she’s buying the mini bar, look at her on her diet shit again.” I’m about to drink about 1,000 cals of booze. Can you lay off my stupid candy bar on my stupid binge day?
We get back to their house and get to my fav part... the drinking! It’s all good until they get drunk and start to talk about how they can’t lose weight. There are just storm clouds of fat logic dumping every excuse in the book and I finally get tired of correcting them and just let it happen. Of course you can’t lose weight because you don’t eat enough. Yeah, I bet you eat less than I do. Yep, it’s crazy lucky that I lost 20lbs last year. I agree that if you started walking a mile every other week the fat would just fall off. Sure, I’m super skinny even though I’m currently over fat and have a legit saggy gut. I’m definitely going to put on a little weight because I’m all bones at a 21 BMI. You should get your thyroid and allergies checked again because that’s the only reason you could have gained 50 lbs out of nowhere. You totally haven’t gotten fat because you’re constantly snacking on junk you don’t remember and then eat your whole tdee in ‘your only meal’ of the day. Second dinner doesn’t count, right?
I really do love those fuckers but I just want to shake them. If I came at them for their food choices I would be a bitch but because I’m not as fat as they are everything I consume is fair game. And I keep remembering more of their unending comments. Just makes me want to drink again. Rant over.
[Rant/Rave] had to sit in my car and sob for a while today
/u/awfulsorry
Created: Mon Apr 16 16:52:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8crt9v/had_to_sit_in_my_car_and_sob_for_a_while_today/
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after class today i ran into this guy i haven’t seen since last semester. he was pretty excited to see me and give me a hug etc. was pretty nice to be recognized and validated and all. i don’t talk to a lot of people and just kind of being reminded that im someone who exists and that is worthy of being acknowledged is nice..
but then he said, quite literally “you’re so thin now!! have you been starving yourself??” with, strangely enough, an actual semblance of concern. i said no, laughed it off, and changed the focus to the band on his shirt only after he made some playful remarks about shoving food down my throat if he had to. he had to get to class so we parted ways.
i went to my car and cried long and hard for a multitude of reasons, each with varying levels of validity but all upsetting to a very-emotional me.
if it’s noticeable, why has no one in my life said anything? just this guy that i barely know
why would he call me out like that? we were in public. it was so embarrassing and insensitive, and the bluntness of it was so bizarre. it seems like a confrontation that happens at the climax of a corny young adult novel, not in my real life.
how fat was i before that im now “thin” in relation? i honestly don’t see a difference and im confident that im still actually fat, but i must’ve been huge before for him to choose his words that way.
and finally, have i *really* been starving myself? this one is a maybe. i log 300-800 calories a day, including food that I c/s or purge and i run 3-6 miles daily as i train for an upcoming 5k. but my body doesn’t tell me it’s starving. the ECA stack prob helps with that lmaooo but still, if something was wrong i think i'd know.
i didn't let this ruin my day though, i just wanted to rant. i went home and ran a few miles and felt ok after. thanks for listening. this community means so much to me. xoxo
[Help] Question
/u/sadbean17 [156 | 58kg | 24 | 18F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 16:51:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8crt3x/question/
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Can't flair as in on my phone
Has anyone made their goal without exercise? I ask this because I don't have much time in my days to exercise because of work and lack of energy
[Rant/Rave] It's so frustrating to restrict without medication...
/u/Aksanieva [163cm|CW:120|GW:105|19F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 16:43:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8crr2h/its_so_frustrating_to_restrict_without_medication/
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I'm taking ADHD medication, and it's so hard to diet when I'm not on it. When I'm on my medication, it's great -- I don't feel hungry, and I can control my impulses and cravings to eat, because well, I'm an extremely impulsive person in general. I let myself eat by telling myself "it's okay to eat just a little more, it's only lunch/I'll eat less tomorrow/whatever stupid excuse I come up with at the time". I successfully restricted for a while and went from 140 to 115, but now I'm getting back up to 120, and sometimes even 125. I'll be able to decrease my appetite for a while, but the minute I eat more than I should it's like I can't stop for a few days. I feel frustrated for even doing this, because I know that obviously it means I'm not really unable to stop, but it's just so hard because I always tell myself it's okay to justify eating...even though I know I'm just being dumb and whining.
[Rant/Rave] Just disgusted with myself
/u/2worried2care [5'6" | CW 135 lb | BMI 22.0 | 26F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 16:21:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8crlc2/just_disgusted_with_myself/
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All weekend I basically overate. I b/p twice and then drank wine all day yesterday. Then today I was going to fast to make up for it, and I ended up getting halal and shoveling it into my mouth like an animal during lunch. I also didn't work out all weekend because I'm awful. I'm hoping to do better tomorrow but my friend wants to cook dinner for me so I'll have to fast all day before then.
I'm going to work out now but I also have a big exam tomorrow morning so I have to study for that too. Ugh. I'm a waste of space. Sorry, I just needed to get that off my chest.
[Rant/Rave] Gaining weight + getting dressed
/u/maetabee
Created: Mon Apr 16 15:50:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8crddw/gaining_weight_getting_dressed/
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I’ve been in recovery since the beginning of March. I started at 1500 calories a day and worked my way up to 3000. I’ve gained 15 lbs and am at a relatively healthy weight compared to before but I still have more to gain. (I’ve gone from 88 to 103. It sucks. It’s the first time I’ve been in triple digits for over a year.) However, my clothes no longer fit me. I bought all of them when I was at my lowest weight. I feel miserable every day when I have to get dressed. Fashion was a big hobby of mine and now all I wear are jeans two sizes too large and oversized hoodies because I don’t know how to deal with my new body. And I feel like I’m being ridiculous because I’m still technically underweight, but I just don’t know what to do. I can’t afford to buy new clothes. I’m in college which is expensive, and my medical treatment has been expensive too and gaining weight is so expensive (i.e.: buying the food I need to put on weight).
Anyway, I just really needed to complain about this. I feel so ridiculous, it’s just clothes, it’s just getting dressed, but it’s so hard for me right now. I don’t know how to be comfortable in a recovered body. I don’t know how I can live with a healthy body for the rest of my life. I feel like my sick body is a part of who I am.
I was hoping someone might have some advice? Thanks :)
[Discussion] What's your horoscope?
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'3.5F | 113]
Created: Mon Apr 16 15:49:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8crcx8/whats_your_horoscope/
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I try not to subscribe too much into it, but I read something today stating Capricorns are susceptible to EDs. I just wanted to get a rough headcount here to see if it happens to lean more one way or scatter across the board.
[Rant/Rave] I didn't binge!
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 15:42:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8crb2d/i_didnt_binge/
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I had a really bad night last night and wanted to binge, but I didn't. I just made myself a cup of tea and went to bed.
I'm honestly so proud of myself right now.😊
[Rant/Rave] My ED just might be the final thing to happen to cause me to drop out.
/u/TheCuntInTheRye [5'7" | 19 | CW:136.6 | -14.2lbs | trans-male]
Created: Mon Apr 16 15:03:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cr0tb/my_ed_just_might_be_the_final_thing_to_happen_to/
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It’s been a long time coming. MDD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia and other unnamed and persisting symptoms... it feels like I was created to fail.
The pressure has been building for a while.
With my recent relapse, I’m just not sure if I can even make it to the summer. I have a month left, but I can’t even do anything but lie down and starve.
I’m terrified. My father says people who drop out hardly ever go back, and they’re destined for failure. I’m TERRIFIED of failure (I’m That Cunt who cries over a 75 on a test). I don’t want that. I don’t want my mental illnesses to hold me back. I WANT to be strong, and I WANT to be better.
But it always comes back.
I’m a fighter by heart; I am an optimist and humanitarian. I think the world is beautiful, and I think the world has a lot to offer.
...except me.
I am not beautiful, I am not useful, I am not good. And I hate that I think that way.
It feels like the only thing I’m good at is two things:
1. Not eating and
2. Purging.
I love school and I love to learn. College has given me so much more than I ever thought possible. So it feels like it would be spitting right in everyone’s face if I take time off.
My dad is PROUD of me. He tells me he talks about me all the time, and I can really see it (my mom is another story). I don’t want to let him down. I don’t want to let my professors down.
I feel so disappointed in myself.
I don’t know where to go.
I don’t know what to do.
... so I do the only things I’m good at.
I’m not sure how much more of the stress and pressure I can take. All I know is that no matter what I do, I’m either fucking myself or other people over.
[Discussion] Anyone else doing keto/low carb? What are your safe foods?
/u/dried_pineapple [4 '11 | Goal: 90 lbs | F 26]
Created: Mon Apr 16 14:52:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cqxuz/anyone_else_doing_ketolow_carb_what_are_your_safe/
---
[Rant/Rave] Cant handle to waste food
/u/DesperateViolet
Created: Mon Apr 16 14:38:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cqtt9/cant_handle_to_waste_food/
---
My father has some problems at work. Instead of money he brings home food. I mean I am grateful. I was never hungry.
But now I am just a little jump away from going crazy. I want to eat less. I want to lose weight. There is so much food. I cant cook because the remaining food would go to waste. On the other side i dont know how much calories the meal has which he brings. Would also not be a big problem if I just could eat less. But I cant. Thats literally the reason why I got fat in this household. I cant stop eating. I had myself under control (better, not perfect) when I was alone. Well OK. So I don't eat the ready meal he brings but the veggies and fruits? But that's too much too. What the fuck should I do with 15 avocado's. With 10 kilo tomatoes. With 10 kilo clementines. With 5 kilo sweet apples. How much do I have to eat per day, because next week it will be 10 kilo of some other shit.
I just want to go out and get myself a handful of grapes or whatever because that's what I want to eat. Not to force myself to eat a bunch apples because if I don't they will go to waste (and means basically to throw away the money he earned)
I just got down to a BMI of 30. The first time in forever. I was over BMI 25 in elementary school. I am now 30 years old so I am thrilled that I got down to BMI 30. Since I am back at my parents (2 months) I gained one kilo. Not too much, but I will get crazy. Eating every day things I hate, filing up the calories instead of enjoying them. And then eating sweets, which he brings too, because I am so depressed about eating things I don't like. Making me go over my calorie allowance, making me more depressed.
I will gain, living here.
I am so unhappy I can't put it in words.
The food will be here.
I have to eat it.
[Help] Going to the doctor tomorrow, help!
/u/elaine4570
Created: Mon Apr 16 14:11:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cqm97/going_to_the_doctor_tomorrow_help/
---
I have been binging and purging for 7 years at least once a day. The only times I have stopped are in treatment (twice) and for about a year while taking amphetamines. I’m very worried about my health. What should I ask the doctor to check? I want an EKG and I want my blood taken. Is there anything else I should get checked?
[Discussion] Anyone doing OMAD here? What's your experience with it?
/u/dyingtobefitt [5'1 | CW 150lbs | Weight Lost 15lbs| F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 14:07:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cqkur/anyone_doing_omad_here_whats_your_experience_with/
---
Has it helped you not binge as much?
[Rant/Rave] The spinach dip in my fridge is practically screaming at me
/u/Reesesaremyweakness [5'2| 136 |24.76 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 14:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cqiwl/the_spinach_dip_in_my_fridge_is_practically/
---
I went to make a protien shake for lunch and there's leftover spinach dip from Cheddars (my FAVORITE) and it's so hard to not just practically inhale it....I broke a bit, had about 6 chips with a little bit on each one and I totally feel like I failed my goal for the day. (I'm honestly not sure how many calories it was ugh) it's so upsetting. I'm just sad and need a hug because I feel dumb for being upset over it
[Help] Cold outside, should I go to the gym?
/u/liet98
Created: Mon Apr 16 13:40:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cqd8t/cold_outside_should_i_go_to_the_gym/
---
I planned on it but don't want to go outside and feeling lazy. Someone tell me whether or not to go and I'll listen to whoever answers
[Other] "My favorite pictures of myself aren't the ones where I am the happiest, but the ones where I look the thinnest."
/u/janearcade
Created: Mon Apr 16 13:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cq34q/my_favorite_pictures_of_myself_arent_the_ones/
---
This was a line in a book I was just reading and I thought it might resonate with a few of us.
[Rant/Rave] Your average feel like a fraud/failure post
/u/saintandserpent [5'6" | 17BMI | -165 | 30F | AU]
Created: Mon Apr 16 12:23:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cpr1p/your_average_feel_like_a_fraudfailure_post/
---
I haven’t been on this sub in a long time.
I don’t feel like I belong here.
I feel like I’m failing at my disorder, my one sense of control.
I also am aware of how dumb that is and do not care.
I feel like I don’t deserve to be called eating disordered or have this diagnosis.
I just feel like a fraud and a failure, and have for months. I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Just venting. 🖤🖤
The sequence: Eat, cry, starve.
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: IDK, TOO MUCH| GW: 100| 22F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 12:02:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cpkyr/the_sequence_eat_cry_starve/
---
I just need to rant, about something I’m sure has been ranted about a million times before.
I’m sooo sick of my restrict / (subjective) binge cycle. I can restrict for 4-5 days and then the weekend comes around and I get drunk and either drunk eat or become ravenous the next day bc of the hangover. And I know even those days I probably eat at maintenance or slightly over maintenance but It doesn’t change that it absolutely wrecks me. I spend the rest of the week trying to compensate/ lose weight in spite of it. It’s so shitty to feel so terrible, physically and emotionally, all the time and to still be stuck in this large body because I keep SELF SABOTAGING.
I try to tell myself these ‘refeed’ days are the days that keep me from spiraling out of control, that keep me relatively healthy. The truth is I don’t really care, I know I should but I don’t. I just want to feel light when I walk, to feel bones when I press down, to feel proud when I get dressed. I don’t want to fight this anymore. I want to give in and commit 100% to restriction but I know my life will fall apart if I do.
[Discussion] Bracelets and dysmorphia
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5 |88.4 lbs|16.5|-20 |18F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 11:48:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cph0k/bracelets_and_dysmorphia/
---
I found one of my sister's bracelets lying around today. It looked so small and thought it would never fit around my wrist but I decided to try anyway.
Not only did it fit, but it was a couple centimetres loose as well. So I took it off to marvel at how small my wrist was and yet... When I took it off, it now looks like an average to large sized bracelet.
Body dysmorphia is truly unnerving.
I’m so jealous of people that can just lose weight.
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Mon Apr 16 11:45:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cpfzy/im_so_jealous_of_people_that_can_just_lose_weight/
---
I remember when dieting was fun. It filled my spare time in the summers, trying to get three pounds off of my already too skinny frame before getting bored of Luna bars and slim fast and eating candy.
It turned into something more insidious along the way. Now, I can’t stop. Even if I’m not losing weight(and god, I’m not) I’m trying, always fucking trying to. I can never be satisfied. I can’t be convinced that I won’t be more perfect or happy when I’m at my goal weight. I used to feel guilty for bingeing and now I’m guilty for eating at all, no matter how clean or perfect the food is.
I feel like I don’t deserve to eat.
I want to be like every other girl, dieting like it’s no big deal, like it isn’t consuming their entire life, wrecking their health and happiness.
I have max ten pounds to lose so what the FUCK is my PROBLEM.
[Rant/Rave] Gas station burrito
/u/dried_pineapple [4 '11 | Goal: 90 lbs | F 26]
Created: Mon Apr 16 11:40:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cpehm/gas_station_burrito/
---
I've been heavily restricting for a while and I've lost a good amount but all I want is a burrito from the gas station by my work(they're SO good!). I'm thinking about eating half of it with tons of water then purging. Not sure what to do. It's all I've been thinking about for the past 2 days. But the thought of throwing it up repulses me and is holding me back from getting it. Ugh. I don't know what to do.
[Help] please help me out... how many calories are in a slice of medium chocolate cake with chocolate butter cream icing?
/u/dyingtobefitt [5'1 | CW 150lbs | Weight Lost 15lbs| F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 11:34:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cpcrz/please_help_me_out_how_many_calories_are_in_a/
---
im just looking for a estimate
i'm thinking 300?
[Rant/Rave] First Time I’ve Purged in Months
/u/breadstickpolice
Created: Mon Apr 16 11:10:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cp5if/first_time_ive_purged_in_months/
---
It’s been so long since i’ve purged and i’ve been so fucking proud of myself, but i woke up this morning feeling sad cause the weather is bad and i’m tired and don’t want to go to the gym so logically of course i binge and consequently purge. i’ve been doing so well lately with being active and eating healthy and i feel like i just threw it all away for nothing. i’m so disappointed in myself. i lack so much control.
[Discussion] Being 'thick.'
/u/goingcasual
Created: Mon Apr 16 11:09:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cp5gu/being_thick/
---
The 'thick' or curvy body shape ideal fuels my restriction.
I would love to have a nice curvy body, but as soon as I hit 120 pounds, my stomach gets all pudgy and it's probably the thickest part of my body at that point. I'll never have nice curves or a big bum or anything like that with a higher weight.
It doesn't help that I'm African American and it's an expectation in black culture that I should be thick. I know that it's an ideal in a lot of cultures, but I see black women talking about how everyone else wants 'our curves,' and I'm like, 'curves where??' Even my mom has made fun of me for being a flat bootied black girl... I feel like my body is a failure even more so.
So I'll never be curvy or fat in the 'right' places naturally. But I can be skinny. At least let me have that.
Does anyone else have feelings like this?
Anti anxiety meds that don't make you hungrier?
/u/letstryforkarma
Created: Mon Apr 16 10:51:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cp02x/anti_anxiety_meds_that_dont_make_you_hungrier/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] I really want a gosh darned adderall prescription
/u/photosyntheticperson
Created: Mon Apr 16 10:24:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cosrm/i_really_want_a_gosh_darned_adderall_prescription/
---
[removed]
[Help] I'm poisoning myself...
/u/oceanbreeez
Created: Mon Apr 16 10:07:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8conq6/im_poisoning_myself/
---
So recently I tried recovering by trying the keto diet as a slow introduction to food (it's low carb so seemed less scary to me). Well, I got so ill from it that I could barely keep anything down. Turns out my body was depleted of electrolytes and couldn't properly digest the fat since it wasn't used to a high-fat diet.
I was so nauseous all the time that I was living off of ice chips and ginger ale. Then I saw the scale going down again... and I couldn't help but be happy. So now I've been purposely depleting my body of electrolytes and when I do eat I make sure it's something that will make me sick. I feel horrible, but I'm losing weight. My attempt at recovery has triggered an even worse eating disorder.
I'm not sure if I want to stop or not. My social life has died because I'm sick all the time. I'm useless at work. And I'm probably causing more health issues for myself. There's literally zero upside beyond losing weight. This disease is awful, I hate it.
I guess I'm posting for help convincing myself to stop, since I don't feel like I can do it on my own.
[Rant/Rave] Passed out for the first time today and it felt like an achievement
/u/PurpleKatie
Created: Mon Apr 16 10:00:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8colsr/passed_out_for_the_first_time_today_and_it_felt/
---
I've been water fasting for the past 8 days and I blacked out while writing notes in school. There weren't many people in the library so I was able to pass it off as just being tired.
I know I should feel scared or upset but I've never felt better, it feels like an accomplishment. Ive never fasted for this long and it feels validating, like at least I can do something right.
I feel better than ever and it's just given me more motivation to finish the whole 10 days I had planned to fast. I'm so close to 100lbs!
[Help] How to stop rewarding myself with food?
/u/Careabella
Created: Mon Apr 16 09:58:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8col5p/how_to_stop_rewarding_myself_with_food/
---
I’ve been struggling with disordered eating for years now and it seems to consist of a vicious cycle. I will restrict heavily for a bit and get down to the lowest weight I have been at in a while (usually around 130-still huge) and then reward myself by binging for 2 days straight. I’ve tried to reward myself in other ways but the hard truth about my life is that I don’t enjoy anything the way I enjoy food. Nothing makes me happier than going to a Mexican restaurant and stuffing myself with enchiladas and margaritas. My only hobby is PC gaming which makes me sit on my ass. I don’t enjoy exercising, going for walks, or doing anything pretty much due to a depression that has followed me for years. I literally cannot find any other way to reward myself. Even just lookin at the scale and seeing the low number isn’t enough to make me feel better, it just makes me think that I finally could stuff my face without guilt (not possible)
Sorry for bad formatting, I am on mobile
[Help] my mum is threatening to take me to the doctor.
/u/bluemonksdream
Created: Mon Apr 16 09:46:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cohyt/my_mum_is_threatening_to_take_me_to_the_doctor/
---
for the past few days I haven't been feeling hungry very much and I feel like if I eat I'll vomit which I'm not fond of. so I haven't been eating and if I do its not very much. I'm not underweight but not overweight either. id say on the heavier side of 'normal' weight. I don't see why she can't leave me alone and my sister has put it in her head that she needs to take me to the doctor and she thinks something is wrong with me. I wish she'd just leave me alone. my dad said its only so long until I have to eat again so I'm hoping they'll leave it. nothing seems appealing to me not even my trigger foods and if I could eat I really would its just that Im not even feeling hunger. does anyone have any tips or has anyone gone through something similar. thank you x.
[Rant/Rave] I binged. 1700ish, not even all vegan and now I have to go out
/u/areyouinsanelikeme [5'1" | 69.6 -70.4 lbs | 13.2-3| forced into recovery]
Created: Mon Apr 16 09:41:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cogil/i_binged_1700ish_not_even_all_vegan_and_now_i/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Sparkling Water Appreciation Post
/u/dumpsterfiredive
Created: Mon Apr 16 09:20:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8coawv/sparkling_water_appreciation_post/
---
Delicious
Bubbly
Makes me feel full
Small sips = even fuller
Looks so fancy (San Pellegrino yaaasss)
[Help] Toothache while restricting?
/u/eightstone [Height: 5ft 7 | CW: 9st 11lbs| BMI: 21 | Gender: F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 08:58:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8co4m0/toothache_while_restricting/
---
I've been on about 500 calories a day for the past fortnight. Increasingly I'm finding that, even though my oral hygiene habits have remained the same (brushing twice daily, flossing once daily), it often hurts my teeth to bite into stuff like toast. This just seems to happen when I restrict and I was wondering if anyone else has had the same experience, or any advice on dealing with it?
I have three very inexpert theories on what's going on:
1) my teeth have forgotten how to be teeth because they're not being used often enough. Maybe the act of chewing desensitises them a bit? and now they're hypersensitive to pressure because they're less used to it.
2) as I reduce calories my cortisol levels rise (I think that's fairly standard in most people). I am more irritable, maybe a bit more tightly wound. Perhaps I am clenching my teeth more now or grinding them in my sleep, making them sore.
3) I am nutritionally deficient and all my teeth are about to fall out.
Please let me know if you experience this too, even if you have no advice ^ _ ^ I don't want to be alone with my stupid toothache ruining my few daily snacks.
[Rant/Rave] I hate pay day and the way it makes me to buy food
/u/I_Have_The_Legs
Created: Mon Apr 16 08:36:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cnyug/i_hate_pay_day_and_the_way_it_makes_me_to_buy_food/
---
I have 2 really shit paying jobs so most fortnights after paying rent and petrol I have like $20 for food. This is excellent, last fortnight I was able to restrict so well and I was on top of the world **I could see changes** Then this fortnight rolls around and I had like a normal person amount of money so now my once safe cupboard is nto safe anymore
i don’t know what to do
/u/robotwithadream [5'7" | CW: 129.2 | GW: 110 | xx | F |]
Created: Mon Apr 16 08:27:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cnwel/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
---
i blacked out again. my hard earned deficit, obliterated by the vodka and the inevitable food that follows. i fell asleep on his floor, woke up stiff with handprints all over me, my friends long gone. i feel robbed, i wanted to be touched but god, not like this. my parents would be so ashamed. fuck, im ashamed and it takes a lot. i’m so fucking hungry but starting the process of comparing the macros, the sugar, whether it can stop me from binging the rest of the day—i can’t do it i just can’t and since i keep eating over 3000? maybe i don’t even fucking deserve it
[Rant/Rave] I'm so tired and sad
/u/qesternend
Created: Mon Apr 16 08:10:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cnscc/im_so_tired_and_sad/
---
Hi, I usually just lurk here or reply to posts and haven't ever posted an intro. I hope it's ok for me to post this. I'm just really depressed and crying and I don't have anyone to talk to.
I have had an ED since I was 11 and I guess I have never really recovered or anything, just some years it would be worse than others or I would go through periods of time where I would eat normally and not purge. This time last year I relapsed because I had gained some weight and went into restrictive eating along with binging and purging. Then I moved in with my current bf and gained some of that weight back.
The past few weeks I've started trying to lose weight again and it's really been taking a toll on me mentally. I'm just all around lost and I don't know what to do anymore because I think this is the worst I've ever felt throughout my eating disorder. I feel like everytime I look in the mirror I just want to cry and cry. Today I binged when I'm supposed to be studying for my exam I have tomorrow and I just feel like an utter waste of space. I was able to break past a weight plateau this morning and now I'm binging again on food and purging. I had a panic attack while binging this time, and I started thinking of how my stomach might explode like I've heard in some ED horror stories or how I'll have a heart attack. I actually started to think I was going to have a heart attack for a moment. I'm so sad and keep crying. I just want to be able to lose weight in a healthy way but when I try to be healthy all of my terrible negative thoughts come back. I feel so pathetic, guilty, and ashamed. I feel like crying when I think of my BF, who I can tell is affected by my terrible mood swings. I also feel too ashamed of how I look to go outside anymore, like everyone is more attractive than me and they all look at me and laugh behind my back at how disgusting I am. And I know I can only get confidence back at my lower weight but I'm close to it again and I still feel awful about myself. I guess I need to lower it.
So yeah, sorry for venting. I feel a bit better just writing this out though.
[Other] [OC] Made this water colour painting today to get out some feels, 2nd day back to restricting -
/u/meahmareah [170cm | 66kg (GW 50) | 22.84 | 27F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 08:05:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cnqxu/oc_made_this_water_colour_painting_today_to_get/
---
https://i.imgur.com/8gzz0O4.jpg
Why the fuck can’t I just let it go
/u/Didieverreallymatter
Created: Mon Apr 16 06:22:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cn3qt/why_the_fuck_cant_i_just_let_it_go/
---
[removed]
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! April 16, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 16 06:15:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cn25l/weekly_stats_update_april_16_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for April 16, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 16, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 16 06:14:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cn24v/daily_food_diary_april_16_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 16, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] Easy, less than 100cal, less than 5 ingredient recipes? I’m broke as hell (which is helping) and cracking down on myself this week. Especially soup recipes!
/u/queen_of_quartz
Created: Mon Apr 16 05:51:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cmxnx/easy_less_than_100cal_less_than_5_ingredient/
---
[Help] Did EC stacking help with weight loss if you were already restricting heavy?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Mon Apr 16 05:45:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cmwfn/did_ec_stacking_help_with_weight_loss_if_you_were/
---
So I’m on about 150-300 calories per day at the moment with no binges, but my weight loss has slowed down quite a lot. I was thinking about EC stacking anyway, cause I used to be pretty into diet pills (clen, DNP, etc), but don’t want to take anything that extreme this time round. Did people find it helped contribute to weight loss in and of itself, or did it just reduce appetite? I’ll probably get them anyway, to help me focus on things other than food during the day, but just wanting to know what to expect because I’m not really planning on dropping my intake any further.
[Discussion] Anti depressants that make you lose weight?
/u/MeelinFelo
Created: Mon Apr 16 05:23:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cmsje/anti_depressants_that_make_you_lose_weight/
---
I coukd be going on em soon. Which ones should I avoid that'll prevent weight gain/make me lose it?
[Other] Got called pretty AND skinny today!
/u/budqueen17 [5'6 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 05:05:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cmpfp/got_called_pretty_and_skinny_today/
---
Saw a friend I hadnt seen in a while, she told me I looked skinnier, and her sister told me I looked prettier. Feelin good B)
[Help] School Lunches?
/u/HonestSpeak
Created: Mon Apr 16 04:41:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cml87/school_lunches/
---
Always, EVERY SINGLE TIME I am at school and I have a school lunch, I get an uncontrollable urge to eat it all. Even if I'm not even hungry. That's normally where my days go wrong, so does anyone have any tips on what to do with school lunches?
[Discussion] Would you say this counts as an eating disorder?
/u/PsychyHex
Created: Mon Apr 16 04:16:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cmhdj/would_you_say_this_counts_as_an_eating_disorder/
---
I eat pretty much whatever I want and as long as I keep doing certain exercises every day, I feel content with my body most of the time. HOWEVER if my weight reaches or goes over 100lbs or I start getting bigger stomach rolls/my face gets chunkier, I start spiraling and will stop eating almost completely (and sometimes I will) up to three days or until my weight and or body go back to the way I like it. I have never been able to find what I'm going through, online. Can't find any labels or people who relate. So it's been confusing when it comes to if I have an eating disorder. I lean more to the conclusion that I do, just because an ED could cover a wide variety of things that aren't "the norm". But I really wanted others to share their opinions :)
I've been dealing with this for YEARS now and I've just excepted this is my life. Can't imagine how it's going to be when I'm at the point where my metabolism isn't as good and it's harder to get rid of what makes me hate being in my skin, ugh.
[Help] How do you avoid binging on vacation?
/u/_queen_of_disaster_ [5'4 | Current: yikes | Goal: 95 | 23F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 03:58:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cmefa/how_do_you_avoid_binging_on_vacation/
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I feel like it’s easy for me to restrict when I’m at home, but I always pause my dieting and end up bloated and back to square one when I go on vacation.
In a couple weeks I’ll be staying in a beachy-touristy area for a week, scuba diving and generally being in bikinis all day, and I know I won’t enjoy myself while I’m there or when I come back if I do over eat/drink.
On the flip side, though, I do actually need to eat so I have enough energy to dive safely.
Does anyone have any recommendations?
[Help] Favorite packaged foods/ foods in general?
/u/WhiskiedRum
Created: Mon Apr 16 03:45:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cmclz/favorite_packaged_foods_foods_in_general/
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What are your favorite packaged foods/ foods in general while restricting?
1 potato can hold me over for a day. 150 cal for a large one.
Getting over weight gain then plateauing...
/u/PineapplePrincezz [Height: 5'2.5" | CW 104 and fat AF| BMI: 18.54 |LW: 81.5| F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 02:52:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cm4s9/getting_over_weight_gain_then_plateauing/
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[removed]
[Discussion] What is the your ideal future look like?
/u/eviesfuture [I wanna get better]
Created: Mon Apr 16 02:31:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cm1q0/what_is_the_your_ideal_future_look_like/
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This is going to sound unrealistic, but here goes.
I see myself living in a beautiful, well-ventilated apartment with huge windows and natural lighting. I make my own coffee while listening to my records in the morning.
I'm well established in my field of research, and people quietly admire how much of a hard worker I am, while still remaining passionate and happy.
I take beautiful polaroids of anything I find beautiful, and look lovely in any dress I wear, the word bulky could never be used to describe me.
I eat beautiful foods, and never punish myself. I spend time in museums, look like poetry, and make people feel good about themselves.
I exercise, not to punish myself but to strengthen my body. I hike, swim and cycle and eat good food because I'm already at my ideal weight. I'm happy, and I don't destroy myself.
_____________
If you had to sit through reading this, and you don't absolutely think I'm a loser, I love you.
I would LOVE to hear about your ideal future, just even a sentence, to know what the future looks like for us?
[Rant/Rave] The "perfect" binge
/u/peppermintschnapps55 [BMI 23 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 02:09:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8clypn/the_perfect_binge/
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I've been stuck in a bad binge cycle lately. Like every other day pretty much. And I just keep telling myself that if I was able to have the "perfect" binge, I would finally be able to stop and get back to restricting.
A good binge isn't just about food, to me, although that's obviously part of it. But to me it would also involve being home alone, with no chance of being disturbed, and watching a show or movie i really enjoy. And I'd throw up between every "course" so I could eat more, like the rich people in the hunger games, lol. To me an ideal binge is some sort of takeout item (pizza, Chinese food, a burrito) with a side like fries and chips and a dessert of cake AND candy. Even typing it out feels gross.
[Intro] Well, here I am
/u/Reesesaremyweakness [5'2| 136 |24.76 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 01:54:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8clwn1/well_here_i_am/
---
Never really had anyone to talk to about all of this, but I don't feel alone now and it's so nice. My GW is 100 and it seems so far away but today was my first """good""" day in so long i know it's not noticeable but I feel progress and I just wanted to sorta introduce myself and jump in I guess, I've been a long time lurker so it's nice to finally talk to join the discussion!!
[Help] How do I avoid drunk eating????
/u/strawstring [5'10 | CW ugh | -40kg | 21F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 01:46:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8clvc6/how_do_i_avoid_drunk_eating/
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I have pretty good control when I'm in a restrict phase (which I currently am) and I will go the whole day eating exactly what I had planned, and then go out with my friends and binge on drunk food.
Like yesterday, I knew I was going to be drinking and accounted for that, and only had grapes and coffee before hand (we started at 4ish). Someone brought snacks, and at first I didn't touch anything but a few pieces of fruit, and then started snacking piece by piece on chocolate..... probably 3/4 to a whole bar.... and told myself "it's ok, forget it, you'll be fine" and didn't eat anything else until we went home at midnightish, got not one but TWO falafel sandwiches, AND fries (why?????) and ate 3 pieces of bread when I got home.
To be honest I don't feel too terrible because I don't feel really bloated/full (probably dehydration) but thinking about it makes me kinda freak out in my head.
Do you guys have tips for stopping yourself from drunk eating?? It's like drunk me momentarily loses her mind for 5 minutes after seeing cheap street food..... I really really really need this to stop!!
[Discussion] Sensitive stomach while restricting
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Mon Apr 16 01:01:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8clojk/sensitive_stomach_while_restricting/
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Is it just me or is that when I'm restricting my stomach seems to shrink up a great extent or just become more sensitive?
I'm the type of person who eats 800 calories of only junk food and it's getting annoying to feel like puking or to get a stomach ache and become full after having one tablespoon of honey or a bite of cake. :(
[Help] ED (bulimia) and bipolar
/u/greenlegsnham
Created: Mon Apr 16 00:09:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8clgfj/ed_bulimia_and_bipolar/
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Does anyone here struggle with both? How do you manage it? I’ve bounced between skipping my classes for days at a time and not leaving my bed and just staring at a wall all day to mania where I just don’t sleep and purge every single thing I eat and catch up on the assignments I fell behind on in the middle of the night and drinking during the day but I can’t deal with this anymore, I’m so so tired of going back and forth and I know both disorders feed each other because I wasn’t ever diagnosed until after I had ED for a bit
Please ignore the giant run on sentence I’m distressed and it’s 2 am and just need help I’m so scared of what I’ll feel next
[Tip] Trying to gain weight any tips
/u/Ireadanything
Created: Sun Apr 15 22:45:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cl276/trying_to_gain_weight_any_tips/
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[removed]
[Discussion] Craving salt? To the point of sipping soy sauce and holding salt crystals in your mouth.
/u/variousnecessities7 [5'4" F|CW 136|SW 145]
Created: Sun Apr 15 21:32:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cko72/craving_salt_to_the_point_of_sipping_soy_sauce/
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Google has a lot of results for different reasons one may crave salt.
Any ED reasons??
I have this delectable black salt I’ll hold in my mouth (it’s in large crystals) and I also just had to quickly throw away this primarily soy sauce dipping sauce I made because I was legit starting to lap it up in tiny sips.
Salt cravings - anyone else?
[Other] I wrote a song about my ED
/u/heyheypicklejay [5'1 | cw 98 | gw 90 | bmi 19.32 | 20F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 21:17:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ckl89/i_wrote_a_song_about_my_ed/
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https://youtu.be/gnERn37TWHo
I can't stop myself
/u/cananabananabal
Created: Sun Apr 15 21:09:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ckjnh/i_cant_stop_myself/
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I feel like I'm going crazy. All I've wanted for months is to turn around my "binge brain" and get back into restriction mode. And I did - now I'm not even hungry, I don't want to eat, whenever I put anything in my mouth I regret it.
But I'm still eating. It's like I don't know what to do without binging at night. I don't know who I am without raiding the fridge. I'll force myself to eat (and purge) just because I feel like I should, because that's what I've been doing for months.
I don't understand. This is all I've wanted forever. I kept begging my brain to flip the switch, but when it did, it's like I can't accept it because I still need a scapegoat.
Anyone relate?
[Rant/Rave] I really hate my body :(
/u/Seamoosed
Created: Sun Apr 15 20:53:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ckgc1/i_really_hate_my_body/
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I'm not happy with it at all. I wish I could work up the motivation to go to the gym, or work out at home. I really like going for walks in parks, but I don't get to very often. I do a lot of stress eating and eating out of boredom. Also, it's very difficult to even try to eat healthier things when I live in a house of people who buy mostly junk food. I'm not sure what else to do other than to try not eating anything or to eat a lot less than I currently do. I just really struggle with suppressing my appetite.
I guess a good thing is that I mostly only drink water now. I used to drink A LOT of sweet tea because that was, and still is, my favorite drink. I still do drink coffee with a lot of sugar and creamer in it though. I use it to try and suppress my appetite, but I know that's counter-productive with how much sugar is in it.
I just want to be skinnier!!! I've hated how my body looks for so many years now.
[Rant/Rave] ¿18.5 BMI = Nice Face?
/u/anonboi420
Created: Sun Apr 15 20:51:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ckfrq/185_bmi_nice_face/
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5’6.7 | CW: 123 | GW: 117ish/less | 21M
I don’t know if it’s the dysmorphia or reality but I’m very indecisive about my face. I found that at 127-130 it looked good, but between 123-126 it’s looking weird... I’m not at my goal weight so I feel like my face is in the between phases¿ Does anyone know anything on face fat and how it goes away? I assume it’s independent to the person but my mouth area looks like it’s got more fat than I’d like, while everywhere else is decently angular... I think I’m just kinda stressing and looking for some reassurance but fackkkkk
Those at their gw or lowest bmi, how are your faces? Lol
[Discussion] Is anyone else an NBA fan?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 15 20:47:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ckf3e/is_anyone_else_an_nba_fan/
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[deleted]
God I hate white rice.
/u/infernosmalls
Created: Sun Apr 15 20:24:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cka3u/god_i_hate_white_rice/
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Why is it so fucking dense. KMS. I wasted all of my days calories on 2 cups and it kept me full for approximately 2 seconds and then gave me a headache. Coooool.
I’m so addicted to food. I need perspective.
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Sun Apr 15 20:20:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ck9e3/im_so_addicted_to_food_i_need_perspective/
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I’ve ballooned up to my second highest weight in my entire life. I eat when I’m sad, bored, happy, neutral. Doesn’t matter. I can’t even recognize myself under all this fat. Why can’t I understand that I’m killing myself? Why don’t I value my body or my life?
young dumb and broke
/u/onescrumptiousboi
Created: Sun Apr 15 19:56:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ck408/young_dumb_and_broke/
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https://v.redd.it/kbekwdk9g6s01
[Discussion] Starting maintenance
/u/villagethief
Created: Sun Apr 15 19:43:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ck1cv/starting_maintenance/
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I’m 5’9 and 108 lbs right now, which has been my goal weight since October. I still hate how I look but my parents are starting to notice the weight loss and I don’t want them to worry. I want to start maintaining but even when I try to I just restrict without realizing it. Anyone have tips on maintaining???
[Discussion] Safe munchies?
/u/thinandmint [5' | 110| GW 90 | 🍑 thinandmint]
Created: Sun Apr 15 19:30:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cjyjw/safe_munchies/
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Any fellow smokers have go-to safe foods for when you get the munchies?
My all time favorite is frozen blueberries doused in truvia, eaten with chopsticks.
I need coffee replacements
/u/Suchsmolsuchwow
Created: Sun Apr 15 18:44:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cjobb/i_need_coffee_replacements/
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Ok so let's be real, we all love coffee. Now personally, I haven't gotten down to black yet. I have gone from 2 cream 3 sugar down to 1 cream though. But I still looooove the blended frappucino creamy sugary coffee drinks. Even lattes and cappucino. Anyone have any super low cal substitutes for me?
[Other] A friend posted this on Facebook, and it struck me that my disease has tricked me into thinking that losing weight should be my #1 priority... There is so much more to my life, and I have forgotten that.
/u/lost-in-limbo1990 [5’8” | 27F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 18:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cjmjn/a_friend_posted_this_on_facebook_and_it_struck_me/
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https://i.redd.it/mf0opqd626s01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] This sub is toxic. Lets not pretend like its not.
/u/infernosmalls
Created: Sun Apr 15 18:29:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cjkum/this_sub_is_toxic_lets_not_pretend_like_its_not/
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The emotional support and the ability to express things you can't tell people IRL is helpful.
But this sub definitely perpetuates ED's. Whether it's in seasoned individuals or newbies.
That is all.
Oh hey.
/u/mypure
Created: Sun Apr 15 18:25:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cjjug/oh_hey/
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https://i.redd.it/usbkpnb1v5s01.jpg
[Other] self harm
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 15 18:14:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cjh9m/self_harm/
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[deleted]
Ana Buddy
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 15 18:09:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cjg0l/ana_buddy/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cjg0l/ana_buddy/
[Help] Stressed out about perishable food in the fridge.
/u/KeyHeight
Created: Sun Apr 15 17:58:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cjdof/stressed_out_about_perishable_food_in_the_fridge/
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I have little mini cheeses, a big thing of grapes, yogurt drinks, and soy milk in the fridge. I'm in a severe restriction phase (>200/day) and can't bear to eat more. I'm upset at the idea that this stuff is going to rot. My Mom, bless her heart she means well, keeps buying me perishable stuff.
Any advice?
I wish I can quiet the voice
/u/fishysandwich [5'3" | CW: 120 | GW: 100 | -35 | F ]
Created: Sun Apr 15 17:13:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cj3mx/i_wish_i_can_quiet_the_voice/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Everything sucks
/u/PM_ME_YOUR_RIBS_
Created: Sun Apr 15 17:12:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cj3ga/everything_sucks/
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[removed]
[Discussion] DAE only feel safe with pre-portioned food?
/u/bodybycoke
Created: Sun Apr 15 16:11:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cip1q/dae_only_feel_safe_with_preportioned_food/
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Like string cheese or Annie’s microwavable single servings or whatever you ~ do ~ eat? If I have to decide how much of something is a serving or measure it myself I just freak out.
[Tip] Tips for working with an ED?
/u/CoffeeAndArt
Created: Sun Apr 15 15:53:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cikik/tips_for_working_with_an_ed/
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I've had issues with restricting, bingeing and purging for a while now and I've finally decided that enough is enough and I'm going to get thin no matter what - my aim is to reach my GW before I go travelling at the end of the year.
The only problem is I work at a cafe and it's quite physically taxing - 8 hours of straight standing and walking and stuff. It's a great chance to get exercise and not eat, but I've found my performance has been dropping. My hands shake too much when I carry out coffees, I've been getting really dizzy and mucking up orders and stuff. I really need this job but I don't know how I'll deal with that on top of restricting 400-800 cals a day?
Do you guys have any suggestions on how to restrict and still perform well at my job? Thanks
Peach App: Username
/u/EllieFreed
Created: Sun Apr 15 15:46:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ciipe/peach_app_username/
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Hello! My username on Peach is EllieFreed. Feel free to add me if you'd like. I'm an intermittent faster. <3
[Help] Bloated from laxatives!
/u/__charlotte_
Created: Sun Apr 15 15:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ci9tp/bloated_from_laxatives/
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Hey everyone!
The last two weeks I’ve done the mistake to start using Glauber’s salt after a binge. I thought I’ll feel at least a little better in the morning and I mostly just wanted all that leftover (after purge) “junk” out of my body. The last week was pretty tough and I had plenty of “healthy” binges. Therefore, I used the laxative quite a lot. Since yesterday I’ve been so incredible bloated and my stomach won’t stop making the weirdest noises. I know, I should definitely stop taking it and I try to drink as much as I can.
But does maybe someone has any advice that’ll help with the bloating? Or do you guys have any experience, you would like to share? Open for anything! :)
[Other] Declined plans with a friend today
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 171.8 | HW 197 | LW 122 | 30F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 15:06:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ci8y8/declined_plans_with_a_friend_today/
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She makes the best meals and invited me over for pasta and garlic bread but that made me so nervous I said I had other plans and couldnt come over. I would have loved to go, esp because my only other thing I have going on tonight is an OA meeting which I usually gladly skip when I have the chance to do something fun.
So far today I've only been able to bring myself to have a special K breakfast sandwich and a latte.
[Discussion] Anyone interested in making friends on instagram? Just made one! ☺️
/u/Manko_Mochi [5'2" | 116 lbs | -19 lbs | GW: 109 lbs]
Created: Sun Apr 15 15:05:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ci8lg/anyone_interested_in_making_friends_on_instagram/
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Looking for buddies on there... my username is wild_one19. I mostly post selfies or food stuffs. send me a request or drop me a message to your username!
[Discussion] Halo Top for $1.50/pint, maybe the price is finally coming down?
/u/FoofyFoof
Created: Sun Apr 15 13:34:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8chl4j/halo_top_for_150pint_maybe_the_price_is_finally/
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https://vgy.me/LONUyt.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Dove back in headfirst yesterday.
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 125| BMI: 21.05|HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 12:58:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8chbuz/dove_back_in_headfirst_yesterday/
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Yesterday something just clicked back into place. I had been stuck in a binge cycle and gained about 10 lbs as a result and my jeans were getting too tight and I felt miserable but I couldn’t stop myself. Then yesterday:
I watched this really sad anime movie.
My SO was rubbing my thigh and I noticed his hand didn’t wrap around it.
My bra strap had to be done a notch looser.
Then I caught a glimpse of my fat self in the mirror and that was it.
So yup. I’ve got that weird emotional state going on where there are no extremes. Just a bizarre limbo feeling. Hope this lasts. Even though it’s miserable and I feel like shit, I kind of love it and I’m reveling in it. And I need to get back to about 115 before I’m comfortable with doing the cosplay I want to do in November.
Sorry for the rant. I’ll just go now.
I think RULE #7 has a typo
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl [5'10 | 140 LB | 20.1 BMI | F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 12:47:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ch8sf/i_think_rule_7_has_a_typo/
---
I think you can only spell it "glamourize" not "glamouriSe"
[Discussion] Thinking about getting a Fitbit Charge HR, any opinions?
/u/DustyKangaroo [5'3 | CW 132 | GW 100]
Created: Sun Apr 15 12:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ch4cw/thinking_about_getting_a_fitbit_charge_hr_any/
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I've been saving money for a while, and I've been casually eyeballing fitness trackers, and at the moment I'm leaning towards the charge HR. Does it have any glaring flaws I'm missing, has anyone had any great experiences with theirs?
[Rant/Rave] my family keeps telling me I'm fat even though I'm constantly losing weight.
/u/taikutsuu [5'8''|cw: 134lbs |gw: 100lbs |-12lbs |19f]
Created: Sun Apr 15 12:10:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cgz0e/my_family_keeps_telling_me_im_fat_even_though_im/
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in the past two months I've lost 12 pounds. I'm 5'8. I weigh 134 pounds (which is, generally speaking, very average)
my aunt tells me that with my new hairstyle, my face looked almost as fat as my stomach.
my stepmum tells me I'm disgustingly huge.
my father tells me I eat too much.
my mum claps me on the ass and tells me 'I mean you can do whatever you want with your body but you should stop putting on weight with how fat you're getting'.
I am so fucking done. I'm sorry for just ranting and venting but my self worth has never been so low and I just want to lose weight to show people that their opinion doesn't mean shit.
[Other] Had a 'Kodak Moment', at the check out.
/u/BeatMeCallMeEdna
Created: Sun Apr 15 12:09:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cgykt/had_a_kodak_moment_at_the_check_out/
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https://i.redd.it/c1nx9ta154s01.jpg
[Help] hey guys, please help me, skin discoloration, I am scared its a symptom of something worse.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 15 11:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cgtrn/hey_guys_please_help_me_skin_discoloration_i_am/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Went on a weekend trip, restricted all day, knowing I’d be eating crap for supper Friday and Saturday. Still gained an unacceptable amount.
/u/Throwaway17898753 [5'11" | CW 178 | GW 175 | -94 | 35M]
Created: Sun Apr 15 11:27:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cgnrb/went_on_a_weekend_trip_restricted_all_day_knowing/
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Went to a friend’s bachelor party this weekend. Had fun explaining to everyone how I’ve lost so much weight (eye-roll). Restricted all day Friday to eat hamburgers (no bun) and drink 3 low carb beers.
No scale at the hotel so had to rely on body checks. Restricted all day Saturday to eat bbq and fried and a few beers.
Get home and the first thing I do is weigh. Up 6lbs. It can’t be all water, I hardly had any carbs the entire weekend.
I’m so upset, that 10 seconds on the scale negated what little fun I allowed myself to have and reinforces exactly why I choose not to have fun; because bad shit always follows.
Sorry for the lack of flair; on mobile.
But I *am* happier when I am skinnier?
/u/fruitandfood [🦊 5'7" | 113.6 | 17.76 | F 🌻]
Created: Sun Apr 15 11:16:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cgkrn/but_i_am_happier_when_i_am_skinnier/
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Every one says you'll never be happy with your weight, but I reach LWs and really like the way I look. The only moving goalposts is adding muscles, or bulking certain areas, etc. but during that unless I bloat a lot I still like my body
My biggest concern right now is more keeping bloat low and mainaining, but I truly appreciate most of my body now? How can I have an ED then? I guess I don't?
I hate how I can never finish a fuking 16 hour fast without shoving something in my mouth
/u/Isellmysexypics
Created: Sun Apr 15 11:08:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cgiqh/i_hate_how_i_can_never_finish_a_fuking_16_hour/
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[removed]
[Discussion] How do you guys function when restricting?
/u/cottonlung [5'9 | 160 | 23.2 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 10:56:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cgfm7/how_do_you_guys_function_when_restricting/
---
not enough sleep probably doesn’t help but i’ve been laying in bed ever since i woke up (apart from a quick shower ) when i’m supposed to be studying and it’s not even like i’ll be below 1000 today.
[Discussion] New Pro Ana Forum - giveaway + launch.
/u/ProAnaForums
Created: Sun Apr 15 10:30:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cg9ab/new_pro_ana_forum_giveaway_launch/
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http://proanaforums.com/
New Forum Launch... win $20 each month.
/u/Kittyphinah
Created: Sun Apr 15 10:14:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cg5ak/new_forum_launch_win_20_each_month/
---
The most active user each month will win $20 (paid in Bitcoin).
You can also receive this in the form of online gift cards, e.g. Amazon.
[Goal] I want my BMI to be unhealthy
/u/PMmeyournavel [6' 0"| 150 | 19.8 | fluctuates | 23M]
Created: Sun Apr 15 10:08:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cg3nw/i_want_my_bmi_to_be_unhealthy/
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I've never really told anyone this, as when they ask why I'm trying to get so skinny I merely say it's to "feel better" or "cut, then bulk". Like there's ever gonna be a bulking period in my life. Like I'm ever going to be comfortable gaining weight.
No, I want to lose these last few pounds to be at an unhealthy BMI. I'm generally a very happy person now and I'm glad my ED hasn't been as damaging recently as it was several years ago. But for some reason I can't help but want to see that 18.5 BMI and feel... accomplished? Anyone else out there would probably think I'm crazy but I feel as if some of y'all out there may get me.
Or am I the only one?
[Rant/Rave] Blown away by eca stacking
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 107.8 | -30.2 | F | G: 95]
Created: Sun Apr 15 09:48:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfyti/blown_away_by_eca_stacking/
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I weigh myself daily and for whatever reason I started gaining/binging on 3/17 and I haven't been able to stop until today. During this time I gained about 8 pounds... During the 30 day binge I tried various ways to stop my binging but.I.just.couldn't. ie: only purchasing healthy/low cal foods, getting a personal trainer, intermittent fasting, purchasing/eating small portions - but I couldn't get myself to stop being hungry. I'd eat and then still be *famished* after my meal. Food consumed my every thought and eventually I would break down and eat more. It was a horrible cycle that started negatively impacting other aspects of my life. I started feeling out of control.
Today I decided to try eca stacking for the first time and so far it's been amazing. I woke up starving, even though at 11:30pm last night I was so hungry that I ate a lean cuisine meal of 210 calories. I tried so hard to be good yesterday but I still ate over 1800 calories even though I slept most of the day. wtf!? Anyway, this morning I took the eca and I'm no longer hungry. **My thoughts are no longer fixated around food. My mind is clear. I feel like I took a breath of fresh air.**
I think I will do it for at least 2 weeks, so that my appetite thermostat is reset. I'll take a break for 3-4 days and see if it resets. If not I'll do another 2 weeks. Honestly, I just want to be back at least at 107. I was starting to feel slim at 107. Fuck it. My goal is 105! I will update my flair in 30 days.
[Help] Sugar free gummy bears
/u/mermaid_puppy [5'11" | 137lb | UGW 115 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 09:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfxbc/sugar_free_gummy_bears/
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For those who have eaten them, how long did the laxative effect last?
I'm sitting here with a bag, really wanting to eat some for the cleansing effect, but I have somewhere to be this evening. I'm wondering if I eat them now (6 hours before my event) will I be recovered enough that no one will realize what I've done? I wish I was normal :/
[Discussion] Looking for content providers, and Moderators... Pro Ana Forum
/u/ProAnaForums
Created: Sun Apr 15 09:41:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfx3g/looking_for_content_providers_and_moderators_pro/
---
Hi, I am looking for mods for my new forum. It has all the same features as MPA, but none of the glitches. More streamline.
The forum is in it's infancy, but I am investing a lot of time and money into this.
ATE TO MUCH TO GET OUT FMLLLL
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Sun Apr 15 09:32:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfv02/ate_to_much_to_get_out_fmllll/
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I THINK I'M GOING CRAZY, IVE BEEN EATING LOADS HERE TO GO HOME.
B fast- 1 30 G BUTTERMILK PANCAKE
BACON OMMLETE (ew ik)
orange
4 gram crackers w ice cream
kmss i hate it here
What if I develop BED? OMLL IM SO SCARED
Fml I need to die here. HOW DO I GET OUT??
I can pull out my IV so I can bleed to death or smth
screw ittt.
my tube fell out and they left it out and allowed me to drink the pediasure rather then it up my FREAKING NOSE, but now their putting it back in like WTHH
I probably gained like 5 pounds I hope their sorry asses are happy
[Help] I'm so desperate to cut sweets out of my diet, but I keep going back and they just make me feel worse when my weight yo-yos
/u/Laika_Come_Home
Created: Sun Apr 15 09:30:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfuic/im_so_desperate_to_cut_sweets_out_of_my_diet_but/
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Like, wtf
If I cut sweets out of my diet, I'd stop looking like a fat lard, and I have no idea what to do about it because I keep losing to my cravings
[Rant/Rave] I don't know what to do with my body
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 15 09:12:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfq9x/i_dont_know_what_to_do_with_my_body/
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[deleted]
[Tip] Anyone else wear a waist trainer to help with eating less? Has it worked for you on the long run? I have a 25 steel bone latex one and you literally can only eat the smallest amounts in it. And it makes your waist smaller- bonus!
/u/queen_of_quartz
Created: Sun Apr 15 09:12:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfq6b/anyone_else_wear_a_waist_trainer_to_help_with/
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[Rant/Rave] Anyone else hate the feeling of fat on their thighs?
/u/Scarab-Beetle
Created: Sun Apr 15 09:08:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfpg5/anyone_else_hate_the_feeling_of_fat_on_their/
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The back of my thighs and the sides of my knees! I have gained weight, I’m sitting at like 136 since a month or two ago ( I don’t have a scale in college with me) so I could be a little less.
I just hate the feeling of the the fat jiggling and rubbing against each other. I mean even when I was at my comfortable weight (120) it was still there just not as bad! My butt blends in with the thighs now which I hate! I liked it better when my butt was bigger than my thighs.
I feel like a fat ass mess, I’m so gross. I’ve had to have eaten at least 700-800 calories and I feel like a failure. I hate this!
[Rant/Rave] Mirrors? Dysmorphia?
/u/tone_v2 [6'|CW:140|BMI:18.25|20M]
Created: Sun Apr 15 09:06:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfotq/mirrors_dysmorphia/
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Mirrors confuse me. Scales confuse me. I feel like I can't trust my own scale, even though I still weigh myself every day. I keep thinking that I should look thinner than I do, and when I compare myself to others with similar heights/BMI's they always seem to visibly have less body fat than I do. Even though I keep losing weight, I don't think I look any different from when I was 10lbs heavier. I guess it's just motivation to keep going until I start seeing changes.
In other news, I started EC stacking recently and so far I'm really liking how it's making me feel.
Chewing and Spitting Experiences
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 08:58:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfn06/chewing_and_spitting_experiences/
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What are your experiences with chew and spit?
I chew and spat tons of cookies today and now just thinking about cookies make me sick. I made sure not to swallow anything though, but I still feel really full.
Lately I just have no appetite and I'm not sure what's causing it. It's like the more I restrict, the more my body revolts against the thought of food.
[Help] How do you cope with holidays?
/u/jnlh93
Created: Sun Apr 15 08:57:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfmu0/how_do_you_cope_with_holidays/
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Every single holiday I've been on has been so stressful in terms of eating. There's so much pressure to eat all the time. Especially from my partner. How do you cope / hide your habits?
Luckily I've told my partner im doing OMAD and he isn't really around for my meal due to his shifts, but come the holiday I know I will be pressured to eat Breakfast/Lunch and Dinner, as well as ice creams etc.
Plus every bar always has nuts, which I can never resist binging on.
How do I make my girlfriend think I'm eating?
/u/crappyoneshots
Created: Sun Apr 15 08:42:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cfjd0/how_do_i_make_my_girlfriend_think_im_eating/
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My girlfriend is very concerned with my eating habits and makes sure I eat lunch at school, how do I get away with not eating, also throwing it up isn't an option. I'm not allowed to go to the bathroom by myself after lunch.
[Discussion] April 15th and 16th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 08:24:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cffhf/april_15th_and_16th_2018_question_of_the_day/
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Posting today and preemptively tomorrow because I’m having hip surgery balls early tomorrow morning and will be practically immobilized and my TDEE will be so low but if I can’t move I can’t go to the kitchen unless my mom force feeds me right *hyperventilates*
15th: Which celebrity would you like to interview?
16th: What’s a political issue that interests you?
[Discussion] does anyone else forget that words like purging have other meanings.
/u/barbedwirebunny
Created: Sun Apr 15 07:49:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cf86y/does_anyone_else_forget_that_words_like_purging/
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binge watching also trips me up. when people in real life say stuff like that it sort of wakes me up out of whatever daze i'm in and make me feel like i'm getting called out, like these two parts of my life that i like to keep separate are bleeding into each other. i saw this beauty guru tweet something like "i'm in such a purging mood today! i'm gonna get rid of some of my makeup" and i seriously couldn't figure it out, it took me like 5 minutes
[Help] Cellulite
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Sun Apr 15 06:44:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cewgj/cellulite/
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So I'm about 20lbs down from my HW (6'0, down from 185 on the 8th of March to 165 now), and the cellulite on the back of my legs has improved, but there's a spot on the outer-side of both of my thighs that just feels like it'll never go away. I've got 29lbs to go until my first GW, 45lbs to go until my UGW, so I know there's a lot of room for improvement in that time (especially as my legs and hips are definitely where I put all my fat) but I'm just worried I'll get to that point and it'll still be noticeable.
Did other people who had noticeable cellulite at their HW find it went away when they got to their GW? Or is there anything additional you did that you found improved it?
[Intro] Intro - 30F, 5'8'', CW129lbs
/u/sheache
Created: Sun Apr 15 06:26:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ceteh/intro_30f_58_cw129lbs/
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Hi there, I started commenting so I figured I should introduce myself.
I was diagnosed with EDNOS when I was a teen - mostly bp and fasting, purging when I was trying to eat "normally." Waaaay back in the early 2000s we used "proAna" websites and livejournal (!) to find community. Anyone remember those? Ha ha ha...
I was hospitalized a bunch and in two long term treatment centers. Honestly, I kind of looked down on adults with EDs (stupid, stupid judgement..) and promised myself I would not "Deal with this" after my teens. And mind to matter, I recovered when I was 21.
It was easy to be recovered because I was very underweight, could eat for the first time in my life (had a live-in boyfriend who cooked for me) and kept weight off because I was in my early 20s and had an active lifestyle. I thought I was recovered for good and subsequently turned to booze to fill whatever addict void I have inside me.
I've since kicked alcohol and Ed thoughts are creeping in, mostly because I'm 30 now and weight is slowly increasing, seemingly inevitably. I'm not restricting to 200 calories a day like I aspired to as a teenager...I really don't want the mental obsession with food that comes with starving. But, I've started losing weight again and it's all coming back how good that feels.
I'm just here because I relate to a lot of what's being posted, have a hard time connecting with people who don't understand (everyone claims to have or have had an ED but it's hard to talk about in person), and take comfort from people who get it, like many of you seem to.
Sorry for the novel! Thanks for reading :)
[Help] [Help please] I have gained 7 pounds in 7 days after losing my job.
/u/UniqueCranberry [5'7" | 121 | ? | +7 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 06:18:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ces0u/help_please_i_have_gained_7_pounds_in_7_days/
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I've been an active user on this sub for over a year. I hit my GW last April and happily stayed there until just recently. But on Friday the 5th I was fired. Since then, I have basically been binge eating every day and not purging. I've never had a binge problem. I went from roughly 114 to 121. A lot of it is water weight, I imagine, because I've been eating quest bars which make me bloat like crazy.
Can anyone share with me tricks to stop this and lose most of the pounds this week?
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 15, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 15 06:11:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ceqxq/daily_food_diary_april_15_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 15, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] DAE want to steal people's leftovers?
/u/wrinkle-crease
Created: Sun Apr 15 06:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ceqtr/dae_want_to_steal_peoples_leftovers/
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I am sitting at a cafe super hungry staring over at someone else's plate after they left, and there is half a chocolate croissant left. Am I a freak for wishing I could walk over and finish it? lol, maybe I'm just hungry [ ± _ ± ]
[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 15 06:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ceqsj/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!
[Rant/Rave] Heartbroken
/u/limelightwithyou [5'2 | 92.2 | 16.9 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 05:33:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cel24/heartbroken/
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Everything in my life is falling apart. I'm so fucking heartbroken right now. And in some disgusting, twisted way it's fueling my ED? Like right now I just want to starve until I'm nothing but bones so I can waste away :(
[Rant/Rave] I'm literally the worst person in the world
/u/Mini-Size_Me [172cm | 59kg | BMI20 | 25F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 04:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ceffz/im_literally_the_worst_person_in_the_world/
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I hate who I have become. I hate who this illness is making me become. I had dinner cooked for me tonight, but it's a dinner full of foods I've been avoiding like the goddamn fucking plague. Two minute noodles, egg, cheese, beef mince, oil. I estimate that its calories would have been 800+. At least. Cue panic attack. I can't deal. Take the plate away, return it to the fridge with half of it gone. "It was delicious". I'm so fucking terrible because I didn't eat it, I threw it in the fucking bin. Ate maybe 10g of mince and a couple of pieces of celery from it. Probably got some unintentional noodles and egg and oil. Can't deal with the unexpected calories. I feel so fat and disgusting, and now I have to deal with the fucking guilt of being the kind of person who throws food in the fucking bin as well. I can't deal with this. How did I end up at this point? And I'm expected to eat the other half tomorrow. I hope the bin enjoyed the meal, because it will be getting the rest of it tomorrow. Fuck me, I feel so awful. I am a terrible, terrible piece of barely human trash. What the fuck.
[Discussion] Has anyone accomplished staying at a low but healthy BMI (18-19), like a semi-recovery?
/u/rosmaskinen [170 cm | 54 kg | BMI 19 | -10kg | F 20]
Created: Sun Apr 15 04:51:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cefdi/has_anyone_accomplished_staying_at_a_low_but/
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First of all, I'm new here and thank you all for this community. <3 I love you all and I wish I could send all of you warmth and support.
So, I've lost like 10kg/22lbs? this year so far. I feel like I've semi-recovered now, I restrict severely 1-2 days a week and the rest I just try to stay a tiny bit under my maintenance kcals. Since I have weigh-ins at my psychiatrist, I have to maintain a healthy BMI otherwise I won't get my ADD medication. Has anyone accomplished this or has some experience on the matter? My goal weight is 51 kg/112 lbs, but I'm worried about fluctuating to an underweight BMI while at the psychiatrist – so either I just try to now lose any more weight or I'll have to figure some way out to add 1kg at my weigh-ins as a safety measure. Asking for your experience and wisdom. :)
[Rant/Rave] I went to Boots and weighed myself
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 120 | 20.54| GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Sun Apr 15 04:50:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cefal/i_went_to_boots_and_weighed_myself/
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I've mentioned in the past that my girlfriend has my scales, I walked into the city today to do some shopping and turns out the Boots (healthcare shop) had a scale that measure height, weight and BMI. So I used it. I've gained 4lb and my BMI is now 21. I'm so gutted guys. So I guess I'm back on my bullshit of restricting in the hopes I can lose it even if I don't know that I'm losing it,
I know that wearing clothes (dress and thick leggings) added to the weight but I'm not sure by how much. It's funny cause I've realised I never wanted recovery in the first place. I don't feel like it was my own choice, just that if I didn't try I'd be a disappointment but all it's done is make me feel huge.
I feel a bit shit right now to be honest. My eating disorder made me a liar but recovery's made me feel so shit.
I'm setting myself a new challenge: Not weighing myself.
/u/-mousey- [5'9 | BMI: 'healthy' | GW: changes | f (mtf)]
Created: Sun Apr 15 04:42:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cee72/im_setting_myself_a_new_challenge_not_weighing/
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I'm addicted to the scales... Like seriously. I weigh myself an embarrassing amount of times per day. Happy? Better weigh yourself. Sad? Time to weigh yourself. You ate?! Scale time. You didn't? Ayy let's break out those scales. Make a graph out of it, compare it to yesterday, think about what it might be tomorrow, obsess over it, dream about it! The number isn't supposed to mean anything to me. It just makes no sense. Why the fuck do I even care so much about this shitty slab I keep in my fucking room and dedicate my life to?
And it doesn't even make me happy: "grats you lost weight, no shit, literally anyone can do that and you know it was all muscle right?" or "Oh shit you gained, wowww nice going there, like everyone couldn't already see how fat you were, your restrictions are completely worthless and so are you!"
I don't feel good about losing, I feel awful about gaining. I feel like shit. Constantly. I'm freaking exhausted.
I'm still going to very much be on my bullshit... Restricting, logging my calories obsessively and weighing everything I eat... I'm super stressed at the moment and I really can't deal without that security. But I'm going to try and make it a week without weighing myself... And like try and think about how I feel about shit rather than how much I weigh. I don't even know if that's a 'positive' step or the 'healthy' way to do things but I'm so freaking done with this ridiculously annoying obsession.
[Help] Help needed. Motivate me please.
/u/BunnyAwesome
Created: Sun Apr 15 04:15:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ceax1/help_needed_motivate_me_please/
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I'm an utter failure currently. I drink too much and I binge eat every couple of days or so. I'm on several supplements right now but I need to get something to stymie my desire to eat. Currently waiting on a reliable ephedrine supply but until then I really need to get my act together. I'm not hideously overweight but I am so far from my GW I feel like crying. I need motivation to get through the first few days of restriction and back into the habit of logging my food. Back into the habit of not lying to myself.
Help me please :(
[Discussion] DAE get it where when some major upsettance happens you get kind of a pain in your heart and in your head you're just screaming at yourself that you'll somehow make it okay by engaging in ED behaviours?
/u/ineedtogetlighter [5'4 | CW: 130lbs | -24.4 lbs | GW: 120 lbs | Male]
Created: Sun Apr 15 03:52:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ce82f/dae_get_it_where_when_some_major_upsettance/
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dreaming of weight gain is the worst
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | CW 47.9 | BMI 17.6 | GW 47 | UGW 45]
Created: Sun Apr 15 03:45:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ce76i/dreaming_of_weight_gain_is_the_worst/
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please send hugs
Thought CICO would be an opportunity to eat whatever I want. In hindsight, going to cut refined sugar!
/u/rnyth [5'6 | CW: ~113 lbs | GW: 99 lbs | BMI: ~18 | F 24]
Created: Sun Apr 15 03:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ce2ta/thought_cico_would_be_an_opportunity_to_eat/
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At a similar BMI and eating the same calories, my body was so much nicer and more toned before I started thinking CICO was an excuse to eat junk food. Skin was nicer too. And cravings and proclivities to binge have been so much worse as well lately. So, I'm going to try cutting out all the garbage. Not even on cheat days - I can have an overeating day, but it's got to be cleaner food. I know from experience that if I eliminate a type of food, eventually I'll stop craving it so hard. I know this all sounds a bit oversimplified and optimistic but I think it's got to be a wiser approach. Share your two cents? (: Edit: a word
[Help] Does a binge food count if it acts as a laxative?
/u/papsandwiles [5"4 | 115 | 19.7 | 20F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 03:08:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ce2p5/does_a_binge_food_count_if_it_acts_as_a_laxative/
---
Asking for a friend....
[Rant/Rave] Invalidness, jealous, emptiness in more ways than one. also things that make me sort of happy.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Sun Apr 15 01:59:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cdtw0/invalidness_jealous_emptiness_in_more_ways_than/
---
on mobile flair as rant or rave please.
it's been a while. I told myself some time away would be good but I also feel unworthy of being here because I'm not sick enough. When I actually eat I feel like I am not sick enough. When I see people who just look effortlessly thin I get upset.
My new job has me being pretty active. I am on my feet 10 hours and Sometimes I walk to and from work because I have time and because I get off so late buses don't run my direction. It ends up being 6 to 7 miles each way and a few thousand steps on the clock going up and down stairs and pacing around.
I graze a bit over the course of my shift but seldom feel like I am eating enough. maybe still too much but not enough. I know what everything I could eat tastes like So I just want to quit eating at work unless I feel faint or like I have to.
I think I lost weight and I don't even know how I feel because it isn't enough. my stomach still gets super bloated when I do eat and it's upsetting. I hate my legs the most and my shoulders, my arms, and my stomach. I feel like everyone I work with is photogenic and pretty. So or most of my friends. I am losing weight at some rate and so it or things feel looser. my skinny jeans feel less skinny and more baggy and I don't know if my fatness is stretching them out or if I am actually shrinking. I am scared to weigh my self so I don't know.
My friend D told me a few weeks what their weight was after some healthier choices and I found it really triggering that now I need to weigh less. We hung out two days ago and I couldn't not fixate on how their body looked. they slimmer waist. They thinner legs. They found some of my old bangles and bracelets I misplaced and told me I should take them cause "they won't stay on my wrists they are too big"
they are 4 to 5 inches shorter than me and probably 30 pounds lighter at this point and it is really upsetting. I want to be smaller and also to feel valid as an androgenous person I feel like weighing too much makes me less valid in the queer community.
I feel like when I an around town though I seldom see people who I would deem as skinny I see a lot of heavier girls and even they carry weight better than me.
I got two new tattoos on Friday the 13th . some cheap flash art but I do find them reassuring. The pain was sort of nice. I love my tattoos because I hate my body and want to cover my insecurities with art.
This was all just some incoherent rant and I an sorry.
Willeaux
[Rant/Rave] My ED took prom from me
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 87 | BMI 14.5| 17F]
Created: Sun Apr 15 01:20:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cdp0b/my_ed_took_prom_from_me/
---
I guess I just need to complain about this to someone, and you guys will get it.
I'm honestly so sad right now. Prom was last night but I couldn't go because I've spent the last 3 weeks in the hospital from my fucking eating disorder. I've seen all the pics of my friends and my crush enjoying prom and I didn't get to go. It's killing me.
Ugh I am SO upset about it because I had this beautiful dress and I wanted to show everyone that I'm not always a potato...
I was actually starting to feel recharged in a way after taking a break from life to focus on getting better. I was actually pretty ready for recovery this time, but now I'm just sad and disappointed because my ED has completely taken over my life. Fuck. I've been hospitalized 4 times in the past year, and I've missed most of my junior year.
[Discussion] Stomach shrinking
/u/eloana12
Created: Sun Apr 15 00:32:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cdife/stomach_shrinking/
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So today I just had a McChicken meal. Usually, I'd be able to finish the whole thing, burger, chips and drink. But today, I could only eat half the burger, a handful of chips and half the drink. I've been restricting and fasting for only 2 weeks, so I was quite shocked when I got full so easily.
When did you notice you needed less to feel full?
[Rant/Rave] Dreading what’s supposed to be a fun vacation
/u/spiralswirll [5'8" | CW:142 | GW: 125 |F🍬]
Created: Sun Apr 15 00:08:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cdf1t/dreading_whats_supposed_to_be_a_fun_vacation/
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I hope this is ok to post here, I truly have no one irl to vent to. So I’m going to Japan in 3 days. I should be so excited. I’m going with my bff. Even though I’m at 138 I feel absolutely disgusting. I wish I could peel my skin off. Not only do I feel huge I just feel... ugly. My bff is shorter than me and more petite, we’ve been to Japan together before and everywhere we went everyone commented on how cute she is while I just stood there like a huge ugly monster. I told myself I wouldn’t let this happen again. I’d lose weight and take care of my skin/hair/style and feel good about myself. But i don’t. And I’m out of time. Plus as a bonus I decided it would be fun to dye my hair a cute shade of pastel blue (hers is pastel pink so she’ll stand out even more this time I’m sure) but it went horribly wrong. My hair looks like I did a terrible bleach job (orange/yellow/brassy) that no amount of purple shampoo will fix. So I basically have to dye it back to a plain mousy brown. I seriously have been crying all day. I have no self esteem. I hate being the ugly friend. I don’t want to eat ever again I literally just want to wither away.
[Rant/Rave] It's a constant back and forth battle
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Sun Apr 15 00:07:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cdevm/its_a_constant_back_and_forth_battle/
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I hate that my ED is constantly going back and forth. One week I could be eating properly and in my head that's a no no and the next week I'm restricting because I felt bad and I got incredibly anxious that I gained weight. It's a never ending battle of "ohh I think I lost some weight ... oh wait no not at all, it's in your head."
I'm pretty sure I've lost more weight and I'm actually happy but I get so anxious that my scale is broken and that's not my real weight at all.
Fuck eating disorders
Popcorn
/u/piscesdreamer9
Created: Sat Apr 14 23:53:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cdcvc/popcorn/
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[removed]
Went to a Coachella party and now I hate myself.
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 23:29:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cd97r/went_to_a_coachella_party_and_now_i_hate_myself/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Fuck this
/u/Meldawgs2009 [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Sat Apr 14 23:16:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cd76u/fuck_this/
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I already restrict my food a lot but on days where my daughter is impossible to handle I basically don’t eat. Well today was that day and on top of it my husband decided he wasn’t gonna come home last night so had her all day. No friends or family around. My anxiety is already bad but on days like this I seriously would be ok if I just didn’t wake up tomorrow. Tomorrow I’m probably gonna go to the gym and work out all my frustrations on the stair master and hope it pays off!
[Help] Getting in the mindset of counting calories
/u/luvr420
Created: Sat Apr 14 23:09:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cd64r/getting_in_the_mindset_of_counting_calories/
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I just can’t seem to do it.
If I count calories that means they’re real
If I ignore them and I don’t count them then I make myself think they never really went into my body
The mirror and scale say otherwise.
How do you motivate yourself to count calories
Ugh.
Stomach pains when eating after short fast
/u/ChasingHouse
Created: Sat Apr 14 22:41:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cd1ml/stomach_pains_when_eating_after_short_fast/
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I’ve been intermittent fasting more or less for the past few days, eating once a day. Usually it’s something small, a portion of halo top, a coffee, whatever. Today I said fuck it and had two scones with ham and cream. I can usually demolish 6 scones loaded up but I’m pretty much dying now 😩 Feels like I’m gonna throw it all back up. Any one have experience with eating after fasting?
[Rant/Rave] Just want to get something off my chest about a dream I had recently
/u/kernalmustache [5'7" | 120lbs | 19 | -10lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Apr 14 22:26:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ccz7g/just_want_to_get_something_off_my_chest_about_a/
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Despite the weight I've lost I still feel fat whenever I'm not literally starving. I'm not really sure why, but the other night I had a dream where I had actually reached my goal weight and my body was objectively looking great, but in that dream I still felt like I was overweight, that it wasn't enough. I woke up feeling that it would never be enough. I stopped losing weight a while ago when I started eating at least enough to live healthy and my BMI is within 1 point of being underweight, but I still feel so awful about myself all the time. I really miss when I had a whole 3 inches more on my waist and still felt good about myself. I'm probably healthier now than I was then and I'm definitely healthier than when I was restricting to just 500 calories per day, but mentally I feel like I've made almost no progress. I just want to be better already. Haven't I done enough to be better?
[Discussion] Easier with age? Fuck.
/u/redwine6969
Created: Sat Apr 14 22:00:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cculz/easier_with_age_fuck/
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When I was a teenager and in my twenties, I always felt ravenous, but strived to be thin. Always hungry (starving!), restriction was a forced struggle, needed weird safe foods, purging. Now that I’m older (30) I’m always tired, I don’t give a fuck about food (volume, taste, whatever), and it’s getting so easy and natural that it’s downright terrifying. I almost miss my appetite and the effort it took to restrict. I can take down a bottle of wine, but a meal feels forced and disgusting. I am losing weight (5’5 and 105, medium frame) and I just feel ashamed. I want to “recover” but I don’t feel sick because I don’t miss food or eating. Does anyone else relate, or am I next level fucked up?
[Discussion] Anybody else have really weird safe foods?
/u/kernalmustache [5'7" | 120lbs | 19 | -10lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Apr 14 21:21:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ccntx/anybody_else_have_really_weird_safe_foods/
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So, a little background, I've been dealing with anorexia for quite some time and I've definitely made progress in that I'm able to eat enough to be healthy and I stopped my weight lose just shy of being clinically underweight, but I still struggle with how I view most food items. One of the worst foods in my mind of beef. I just see it as such a fattening meat, so whenever I'm cooking I stick to white meat or other more lean red meat options. This is where the question I asked comes into consideration. The Wendy's in my area (not sure about other locations) are now partnered with one of those delivery apps and I have just been waiting for an opportunity to order some (none of the local Wendy's are within walking distance so I just haven't eaten there since moving to this area). Everything about my order should be triggering my ED, but the only thing that's bothering me is that my drink is much larger than I expected. Basically I guess I see my order as a safe food despite how clearly unhealthy and fattening it is. Do any of you have these kinds of safe foods that go against all logic in being *"okay"* for you to eat?
[Rant/Rave] Recovering?
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Sat Apr 14 21:03:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cckfq/recovering/
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Holy shit... I feel like crap.
After a year of starvation and purging, I had to stop. I was always busy and moving and working out that I was starting to feel the effects of bulimia on my body. I was always tired, cold and just sad. My heart would sometimes feel “off” and I started getting acid reflux. I just couldn’t deal with being scared that my heart could just stop. At night I was scared that could be the end. So I stopped... kind of.
Right now I’m allowing myself to eat “normally”. I can reason with the fact that I’m working out 2-4 hours a day and that I need some calories (I try ~1500). I can make myself believe that it won’t hurt me and that all I have to do is eat the minimum. Some days I’m fine... I can go out with friends and eat the things I used to love like pasta and cheese. But other day it’s the complete opposite. I’ll binge so much or I’ll starve.
Once swim season is over and I will go back to working out 2 hours, I’m not sure if I will allow myself to eat. It doesn’t help that prom is also around the corner. I plan to “diet” after season and up to prom but I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to stop.
I’m still dealing with acid reflux and gastro problems but man... the days that I eat are kinda hell. I feel like I’ve gained 10 lbs. idk I want to recover but at the same time I feel to out of control. I’m just numb rn and i hope to choose right.
[Rant/Rave] All aboard the Gerber train
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 21:02:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cck77/all_aboard_the_gerber_train/
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So, I finally caved and bought some of those Gerber baby melts and oh my god. I've been saved.
These totally solved my snacking on sweets problem. They take forever to eat and they're honestly delicious! I'm now officially part of the baby food club.
[Rant/Rave] Gonna have a period binge 🙃
/u/ricerollers
Created: Sat Apr 14 20:15:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ccb75/gonna_have_a_period_binge/
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Hate myself lol but these chocolate chip cookies are gonna be bomb af~
B/p last night but my SO is home so I can’t do that now. Commence panic attack!!!
new peach thread?
/u/ratpaq
Created: Sat Apr 14 20:02:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cc8oi/new_peach_thread/
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hi! i just made a new peach and i’d like to add people, and i don’t know if anyone checks the older threads anymore so please add me & comment your usernames!
i’m @ratpaq
[Help] Traveling to Europe tomorrow and I'm not sure whether EC stacking is legal there
/u/lavendersmoke [5'5" | CW idk man | GW 115 | UGW 105 | F21]
Created: Sat Apr 14 19:22:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cc0rs/traveling_to_europe_tomorrow_and_im_not_sure/
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I'm going to Europe for three months as of tomorrow and I'm unsure whether or not ephedrine is allowed there. I'm flying into Netherlands and leaving from Greece, I'm in Canada and not passing through the States on my way there or back so no problems there.
Anyone able to confirm whether or not it's safe to bring ephedrine + caffeine pills into the country? Google hasn't been much help at all and I've fucked up my ability to restrict.
[Discussion] How did it go when you told someone about your ED?
/u/catsrule-humansdrool [5'5 | SW 211 | CW 172.2 | 23F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 19:20:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cc0fu/how_did_it_go_when_you_told_someone_about_your_ed/
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I’ve been wanting to tell someone I know in person about it, ANYONE, just because. Like, I’ve never said it out loud before. But I’m worried about how they’re going to react and if they’re going to worry or if they’re going to try to force me to stop/get help. All I see on here are stories about people trying to help someone in a way that just makes it worse. Does anyone actually have a good experience with telling someone?
at work alone, two hours into a 24 hr fast
/u/Lillie1990 [5’4 | CW 128.8 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 19:15:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cbzh8/at_work_alone_two_hours_into_a_24_hr_fast/
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and a customer gives me a personal pizza. Pepperoni and mushroom. I ate the whole thing. Now I’m in the process of purging in the work bathroom. Self control? I don’t know her.
edit: I finished purging and went up front with my eyes still watering and a customer was there, I helped him and then looked down and realized my toothbrush was sticking out of my pocket and there’s water stains on my shirt. lol fuck
[Rant/Rave] Turns out that recovery i thought i was doing well at was actually a binge phase
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | CW 192lbs | GW 115 | BMI 28.8 | Lost 68]
Created: Sat Apr 14 19:13:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cbz1b/turns_out_that_recovery_i_thought_i_was_doing/
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True to the flair, I'm ranting that I wasn't getting better and raving that I'm turning this weight gain train around and losing again (I know trains don't work that way)
IN SO MUCH PAIN
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Sat Apr 14 18:44:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cbt4t/in_so_much_pain/
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I'm in so much pain. It feels like someone's stabbing a pencil in your throat. Everytime I swallow my spit I feel pain, or when I talk.. I lost 1 kg in one day and they said i "didn't eat enough" so they put the tube in. The worst part is putting it in, they help my arms so tight while a tube was being slid down my nose. I screamed and cried, and they just help my tighter. They expect me to eat still, in order for it to get out. On top of that, the tube has 5 pediasures that gives 1 ounce every hour, so 8 hours for one pediasure (240 cals). My throat is aching and ive been eating all the meals so they can take the tube out. I feel like my stomachs going to burst, and tapes convering 75% of my nose with snot oozing out every few minutes (tmi sorry). Everytime I burp, I can taste vanilla pediasure (sorry another tmi). I'm staying up all night, screw this. I can't take this. They even gave me a sitter to make sure i'm eating everything. I have 3 meals and 2 snacks. Lifes not worth living. Everyone else took the only one I had. Sorry, I just felt like ranting. Please pm me, I'm just really stressed right now and need someone to talk to.
When you are purging and...
/u/skydiver89 [5'4" CW 133 GW 125 UGW 115]
Created: Sat Apr 14 18:19:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cbnvd/when_you_are_purging_and/
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The fucking toilet water comes up and hits your face. Guh...
[Other] I think the "you're not going to be thin enoughs" are starting to kick in.
/u/scrawny-cat [5' 6"|CW 116.7lb|BMI 18.91|GW 112lb|F32]
Created: Sat Apr 14 18:15:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cbn3f/i_think_the_youre_not_going_to_be_thin_enoughs/
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A week or so ago, I noticed I got my thigh gap back. I guess I was happy. I know now from reading here I was pretty lucky for my thighs to no longer touch at 117lb.
When I put on weight, that was the thing that disgusted me the most. Thighs touching, especially when it's hot. I legitimately didn't know that was a thing that could happen (yes I know that's very stupid now).
But, that gap could still be more evident when clothed. Some clothes just seem to make it disappear.
I wanted to be sub 117lb to wear my first pair of goal trousers. When I bought them, I was a couple of inches short of being able to do them up. Now I am in the 116s they are really comfortable . I was going to a thing where I wanted to look like I'd made half an effort, so I wore them.
Someone I've never met before took a photo of me there and uploaded it. I very rarely do photos of myself and never online. Heh, I rarely ever go out so no one could photograph me in the first place. So this a new and horrifying experience for me.
The angle was looking down at me. The picture had my head it in and cut me off at the top of my thighs. It's pretty hideous. My legs look as bad as at my highest weight.
I know objectively that's a horrible angle. But is still ergggh.
There were lots of comments on it too. Some dirty, some telling me I have a hideous face. Funnily enough, I didn't feel much of anything about that. The face bit seems factual. It was an awful expression.
I'm 4lbs from my UGW. 2lb from underweight. I could be at that weight by my birthday. This is where shit gets real isn't it?
I don't see how being 4lb lighter could really make all that much difference to how I look now.
I've been jollying myself along trying to believe I can be skinny and healthy. But it's not really looking that way. I've been trying to tell myself when I get to my UGW weight, I have to maintain it. So I know how to maintain and to see if my body fat shifts about at all.
I'm starting to worry and wonder though. As you can probably tell.
[Rant/Rave] guess who's back on their bullshit?
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 150 | BMI: 24.96 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Sat Apr 14 18:09:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cbltb/guess_whos_back_on_their_bullshit/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Untimely binges
/u/cankle_skank
Created: Sat Apr 14 17:38:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cbfdn/untimely_binges/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] just lost my safe dinner...
/u/kittencatmeows1
Created: Sat Apr 14 17:14:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cba6e/rantrave_just_lost_my_safe_dinner/
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So disappointed and crushed. I made a weighed measured and preplanned dinner that I felt was safe. I am not really very hungry but I was going to eat enough to hit 1200 calories anyway because I was trying to be good today.
Wouldn't you know I dropped the whole dish on the floor??? Literally in tears.
I felt like I was trying so hard to work around my disordered brain. Now there is nothing safe to eat, and I am feeling like a failure because now I just want to give up eating for the day. If I dont eat anything else today I am only going to hit 732 for the whole day. Kinda proud of that but the whole thing makes my head and heart hurt.
Stupid stupid stupid
[Rant/Rave] Pretzel binge
/u/Scarab-Beetle
Created: Sat Apr 14 16:59:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cb71w/pretzel_binge/
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I’m on my period ( unfortunately I’m not sick enough for it to stop) and I’m having this crazy craving for these pretzels in my room.
I’m eating them now and I feel like a fat fuck. I need to stop! I already had two oatmeal packets and an apple! I DONT NEED THESE!
I want my old willpower back, I got to 100 back in the day and just pray to god I’ll lose the weight I need to soon.
[Intro] Triggered after recovery: an introduction (also, Dear Diary)
/u/SecondaryMermaid
Created: Sat Apr 14 16:58:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cb6rm/triggered_after_recovery_an_introduction_also/
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Hi, everybody. I'm hoping this is the right place. I don't feel safe discussing my ED, my weight, triggers or anything anywhere else. I am a rock on the outside, but inside I'm just loose fill-dirt and I don't have much emotional strength to try to talk to people who don't understand.
I'm 36F, and within my 8th year of active recovery with my ED/s. I've been battling them since 16 - Anorexia, with a binge - purge history, including laxative use. No active disordered eating in these last 8 years, and I *am* proud of myself..... But here I am, floating in my bathtub, ready to crumble into bits.
I'm a healthy/normal weight. Maybe just a tad more. 5'8" and as of a few days ago, around 155. Its not my heaviest, but I'm jiggly - and for the most part, *I'm okay with it*, but this is where we get into my trigger:
My husband. 44M, and child of a narcissist. Though not a narcissist himself, he never learned how to properly cope through emotions, and lashes out the way a narcissist would. This can be from something like talking to his mother, his sister, being stressed out about money, or just recently - death of a friend he didn't even want to be friends with anyway.
I met him shortly after I began my latest recovery. We've been married 5 years. Through these 8 years, we have survived through heaven and hell. He's improved on a lot of stuff, and I'd like to think I have too.
He *knows* how commenting on food affects me. He used to *always* criticise what I eat, and how much of it. I've been threatening for years that if he can't control it, I'll just as easily start back up with restriction. I worked too goddamn hard to stop criticising myself, I don't need outside forces doing it for me. He....... 50% of the time doesn't say much about it anymore, but he still does if I get a 2nd slice of pizza, or go back for seconds helpings.
Mind you, i work a very physically demanding job - he does not work. He stays at home all day, and for whatever reason - won't eat until I get home from dinner. He never has a good excuse. Just that he didn't eat. I dont eat during the day at my job - it physically hurts if I try. I usually stick to a smoothie made with spinach and fruit.
But when we argue, my weight is what he uses to with the fight with, because he knows that's the only thing that shuts me down. I don't argue like most people. I calmly wait until I get the moment I can shoot them with their own shit, their own hypocrisy and show them they are wrong. This last fight was no different. He was upset and yelling about how he feels about our relationship, but it was contradictory to the actual argument, so I just kept repeating my questions comparing them to what he was saying and using as an excuse. When he realised that everything he was yelling about was something that I *also* had a right to be upset about, but never started a fight over, he said "have you seen how much weight you've gained?!"
I shut down. That was 2 days ago. I don't have the strength anymore to keep myself happy. The little fire and warmth I had in my heart that keeps me going is gone. I had an 8oz bowl of garden vegetable soup yesterday at work, and a small handful of "salad" last night. It was a small handful of baby spinach and a teaspoon of balsamic vinaigrette. Today, just a smoothie. I will have a small salad for dinner.
We were on the phone at the grocery store and he asked what I wanted for dinner and I told him "I'm fine with just salad. I had a bowl of soup at work". He told me I needed more and I told him I wasn't hungry. When dinner was ready and made, he told me there was rice in the oven. I told him I was fine with salad, and he told me that he heated the rice up for me. I told him "thanks, but i am not comfortable with the starches, I'll stick to salad". He got upset about how he "made it for me to eat" and I questioned him with "So, I have to feel obligated to eat something I dont want to just because you made it?". He started getting loud about how it wasn't fair he put the work in to heat up the rice, and it would have been *nice to know I didn't want anything*.......... Yeah. So I told him "yeah, I said at the store I was going to have just a salad. I'm not surprised you weren't listening". He had nothing to say. When he brought up his friends death, he ignored me when I said "so that just excuses your behaviour, then", several times until I said "well, you have the perfect excuse to be an asshole to me". "PERFECT EXCUSE?".... "yes, dear. Listen to yourself". I went in the bathroom, smoked my weed, and said nothing else the rest of the night.
......
I've been distant. I've been withdrawn. I weighed myself this morning. 151. 2 days, and already 4 pounds down? I know this story. I know what can happen.
I know what my choice means. I'll be foggy and dizzy at work. I'll be nauseas and weak, ill get stressed and forget things, make mistakes..... But finally, I'll have peace.
I'm empty inside again. I'm tired of everything. Pretending to be happy, pretending to like my job. I feel like a disgusting pile of blob.
Tl:dr - throwing away 8 years of active recovery to spite my husband. Its hard for me to admit I'm getting depressed, but I'm there.
(please know - I'm aware of the fact I "should" leave him, but please don't. I'm not here for that, it's not going to happen. I'm aware of the "red flags". I just need to get everything off my chest because it's too hard to swallow and keep all this down).
Also edited, I'm on mobile. Sorry.
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] Sodastream is a game changer for me
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 14 16:56:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cb6eo/rantrave_sodastream_is_a_game_changer_for_me/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] I want friends who 100% don't care what/if I eat around them [Rant/Rave]
/u/misspennyfoolish
Created: Sat Apr 14 16:39:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cb2ec/i_want_friends_who_100_dont_care_whatif_i_eat/
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Is this unrealistic? Almost every time I go out for like a full day with friend(s), I cave in to eating more than I wanted to, even if only slightly. And a big part of it (in addition to giving in to the usual hunger) is all the comments and questions about why I'm eating so little or why I'm not eating. No one likes my response that I'm intermittent fasting and they go on and on about how they could never do that because it's unhealthy or they love food too much.
I want ED friends. Not to like encourage each other to restrict or anything like that, but just friends who understand and won't pressure me to eat or question me. Friends I can go on walks, gym classes, shopping, events, or the museum with rather than just sitting at a restaurant. Or if we do stop at a restaurant, friends who don't care if I just chill with my Diet Coke or water as they eat.
[Other] My boss said I look GREAT!
/u/dried_pineapple
Created: Sat Apr 14 16:27:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cazs5/my_boss_said_i_look_great/
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Win! I hadn't seen him in a few weeks, had a suicide attempt and so I was taking a break from work. Just saw him for the first time yesterday. I've been fasting for the past week, eating one meal a day, less than 600 calories. Lost about 8 lbs, now 10. I'm so happy with restricting. I can't binge since I had a gastric bypass last year, down 70 lbs total from that. It's so easy to just not eat until like 7. I enjoy reading posts from here.
[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate the week before my period (possible TMI)
/u/photosyntheticperson
Created: Sat Apr 14 16:02:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8cau3c/i_fucking_hate_the_week_before_my_period_possible/
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Lemme start off with I’m probably being super overly emotional and whiny.
Firstly, I’m pissed off at myself for still even HAVING a period. I feel like I should be small enough at this point for that train to have left the station.
But otherwise, I always, like clockwork, gain 3-5 pounds the week before my period. It doesn’t matter how little I eat, how many steps I get daily, NOTHING. It’s so incredibly frustrating and it really feels like it sets back my progress.
The weight always disappears when the bleeding starts, but it’s so emotionally draining to see the scale go up by so much every fucking month for a week.
Sorry I’m being whiny, friends. I’m suffering from some intense PMS and I feel like a sea cow 🙃
For those of you weightlifting, what food rules are you following to avoid hurting yourself?
/u/letstryforkarma
Created: Sat Apr 14 15:30:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8camib/for_those_of_you_weightlifting_what_food_rules/
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[Rant/Rave] I eat because I hate myself, but I hate myself because I eat.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 14 14:56:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8caeov/i_eat_because_i_hate_myself_but_i_hate_myself/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8caeov/i_eat_because_i_hate_myself_but_i_hate_myself/
[Rant/Rave] Going to movies tonight
/u/throwawaymovies3442
Created: Sat Apr 14 14:40:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8caaxp/going_to_movies_tonight/
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Throwaway because people in real life know my main
My friends want to go to the movies tonight and stop by chipotle beforehand. I’m already nervous on what to do.
I think I’m going to buy a bowl and stay on my phone/converse with my friends. Then before the movie starts, I’m going to stay I’m full and take the bowl home to eat slowly throughout the day tomorrow and monday. They already know I don’t eat the much and since i’m not “truly” underweight and stick thin they don’t notice. Maybe I’ll sneak in empty candy wrappers into the movie theater and nonchalantly throw them away after the movie is over and wear some baggy clothings.
Yesterday they held a party and i held back. I pretended to be “designated mom” and helped everyone not get too drunk or too high, and was the one to open the door if campus police showed up. It was hard to not take even the smallest sip of vodka or one puff of weed. They even brought so much food. Pizza, hot cheetos, chocolate, postmated some food even. But when I got on the scale this morning it was all worth it. If I could do that, I can definitely do this.
I hate my life.
Restricting / carbs
/u/archstella
Created: Sat Apr 14 14:32:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ca8yn/restricting_carbs/
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[removed]
[Discussion] Gained 8 pounds (AGAIN)
/u/Such_fruits_as_these [5'3 | 111 | 20.39 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 14:27:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ca7xf/gained_8_pounds_again/
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Im constantly gaining and losing the same 10 pounds, i was to 103 and felt so good. I was feeling so good i thought i could try to control my ED behaviours some, which i did including not weighing myself.
Now this?? 8 pounds in only a few weeks i cant stand how this is making me feel, im so torn about recovery. If i felt so good at 103 why does it even matter if its bc of a disorder?? 103 isnt even underweight for my bmi
[Help] Why do I feel lightheaded, queasy, and weak constantly? I want to start exercising but my lethargy is preventing me.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 90 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | 16 F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 14:19:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ca63b/why_do_i_feel_lightheaded_queasy_and_weak/
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I've upped my calorie intake, but the adverse side effects of severe restriction still persist. I can't get through the day without taking a nap, my vision frequently goes black when I stand up, and I'm irritable and groggy. My brain feels heavy, if that makes any sense. Could it be due to my eating schedule? I have to practice intermittent fasting and eat once daily to avoid binging.
[Help] Serious lack of interest when restricting
/u/fiyacht524 [5'6" |CW 54kg |BMI 19| GW:48kg| Female]
Created: Sat Apr 14 13:28:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c9tzm/serious_lack_of_interest_when_restricting/
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Does anyone else struggle with staying interested or motivated in a certain task while restricting?
For example, I struggle to sit down and draw for a bit without losing interest after 10 minutes - same with tv shows and movies I always lose interest. When I'm not restricting I could easily spend two hours straight drawing.
Am I maybe lacking a certain multivitamin or something else??
Could i safely live off of frozen meals?
/u/letstryforkarma
Created: Sat Apr 14 13:13:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c9qnd/could_i_safely_live_off_of_frozen_meals/
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[Help] It becomes a routine.
/u/lynniepoohhxd
Created: Sat Apr 14 13:00:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c9nbz/it_becomes_a_routine/
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I think not eating doesn't even bothers me anymore. Sometimes I hurt, but most of the time it's like it doesn't even exist to me. The problem is I know I have a problem and I know I need to fix it, I guess that I just don't care anymore. I could be a lot worse, and I'm thankful that I am not. It's effecting my health now. I have a two year old daughter and work a full time night job and I just feel like I don't have the want to do anything anymore because I either don't have the energy or I'm depressed. I told my BF that I needed him to help me remember that I should be eating more than once a day after this weeks workout left my spine bruised and floor burnt. His response was that I go to hard on myself even though he knows my weight is a very rough subject for me and I'm aware he likes curvier women. So when it comes down to it there are a lot of reasons I need to start eating again. Hating myself got me to this spot in the first place and after years of it I feel like I hate myself even more for letting myself become like this. I want to tell him that he isn't helping and it just makes me more self conscious about it, but in the long run what I want the most is to be healthy again because I'm tired of feeling fragile and weak. I just don't know how to get myself actually motivated and do it when not doing it just seems so much simpler.
[Rant/Rave] DAE ever feel like you HAVE to binge the bad food to get it out of your house?
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Sat Apr 14 12:36:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c9hfp/dae_ever_feel_like_you_have_to_binge_the_bad_food/
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So last night I gave myself a cheat night. My bf and I went to the movies, and after we went to the grocery store. I got a bag of Ruffles and some cheese pizza rolls. I munched on that stuff casually for an hour then went to bed. But there were a lot of pizza rolls and chips left over.
I know I'm going to be tempted to have like five pizza rolls for every meal over the next week if they are there. This seems worse to me though than just binging or b/ping all of them at once. I can't bring myself to throw out food because I'm too broke to afford half of it anyway. Which then makes no sense because I can't just throw it away but I'll totally willing to flush it after eating it, apparently...
I feel like a damn weirdo for thinking like that...
First month without a period
/u/Life_is_chouette
Created: Sat Apr 14 12:33:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c9gsj/first_month_without_a_period/
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I’ve been losing weight over the past year (down over 40 pounds), but I’ve really been restricting on a vegan diet (definitely orthorexic, so low processed foods) for the past 4ish months with lots of exercising. This is the first month I haven’t gotten my period. I’m currently at 140, but my goal weight is 120-125ish (i’m 5’8). What have been your experiences with amenorrhea? Do you worry? It’s been kind of nice skipping this month. 😬. I’m mostly worried about my partner finding out. She notices my restriction often.
[Rant/Rave] I wish I didn’t care.
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Sat Apr 14 12:25:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c9ete/i_wish_i_didnt_care/
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I wish I didn’t care about being skinny.
I wish I didn’t see my older perfect sis who is my height and my goal weight and envy her size two jeans. I wish I didn’t care about my body being smaller and perfect. I wish I didn’t spend, no, waste, a gross amount of time obsessing over food and weight and nutrition and lack thereof and bingeing and purging. I wish I just didn’t care. I wish I didn’t know the calories in fucking everything. I wish that restricting didn’t make me nauseous as fuck and that eating didn’t make me anxious as fuck and that I didn’t feel like I don’t deserve to eat because I’m too fat. It’s killing me.
I miss just being free around food solely because I didn’t give a shit about it.
I mean, it’s fucking *food*. It’s *FOOD*. Why the fuck do I even care.
[Discussion] Dae ever seem to get opposite effects from cocaine?
/u/bashytr0n [5'2" | 44kg/97lbs | 18.52 | GW 42kg/92lbs]
Created: Sat Apr 14 12:24:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c9ect/dae_ever_seem_to_get_opposite_effects_from_cocaine/
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I know its meant to make people chatty and confident and euphoric but pretty much the only thing it makes me wanna do is more coke.
It makes me really dehydrated and pretty anxious and really withdrawn. I have to struggle to try and make normal conversation and i feel paranoid that people think im being rude and awkward and that i have coke breath.
Is this normal?
[Rant/Rave] The amount of people who think they need to use their BMR...
/u/WaitingForHealing [5'5.5" | 271 | 234 | 115 |]
Created: Sat Apr 14 12:18:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c9cyr/the_amount_of_people_who_think_they_need_to_use/
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The amount of people that think they need to use their BMR (and advise other people to do the same OMG!!!!) to calculate for CICO annoys me SO MUCH.
I was looking at r/progresspics and so many people think they should use BMR + workout calories - food.
Your machine, watch, or calorie tracker are all overestimating how much you burned. I promise.
So, use your TDEE!!! I am gonna throw someone off a cliff. lol
It just kills every bit of my soul. Thank you for reading my rant.
[Rant/Rave] Why am I restricting so hard??
/u/Thynnmintz [5'10''| CW 263.2 |-21.8 lbs |GW 154| 25 ]
Created: Sat Apr 14 11:39:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c935i/why_am_i_restricting_so_hard/
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Normal people have a cheat day or ease up on weekends to “treat” themselves and I’m over here like, “I literally have ate in 17 hours”. Weekends freak me out because that’s when everyone wants to go out, shop and ultimately eat something that’ll instantly regret... the worst part is that I’m regretting it before even eating anything! Jfc
[Discussion] What do you do with your free time?
/u/ignorado [🍑: ignorado]
Created: Sat Apr 14 11:04:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c8um1/what_do_you_do_with_your_free_time/
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One of my biggest problems is eating out of boredom.. -_-
Help me break the cycle with new ideas pls
[Discussion] Who got Friday the 13th Ink? This is mine!
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 150 | BMI: 24.96 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Sat Apr 14 10:59:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c8t8l/who_got_friday_the_13th_ink_this_is_mine/
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https://imgur.com/gallery/ubbHo
[Rant/Rave] To all the people who are trying to help me: you're making it worse
/u/fatalist_palmreader
Created: Sat Apr 14 10:27:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c8m5n/to_all_the_people_who_are_trying_to_help_me_youre/
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Throwaway because my other username is easily found.
I don't know what to do about this. All the people who know about my ed won't get out of my face about it. My bf has gone so far as to try and force me to eat, while at the same time telling me that once I do I can't go into the bathroom for like an hour afterwards. Excuse me, but I'm an adult. You can't force me to do anything, but thanks for giving me anxiety about wanting a yogurt I guess.
On top of that, another person in my life also has an ed (mostly binge eating/some restrictive) and is going on this path to recovery. I'm genuinely happy for them, but it's all they want to fucking talk about. Their sponsors and the book and their activities and the check-ins they have to do. I've told them that I find it really triggering to listen to all of this, and to talk so openly about it. But they keep at it. They insist it will help. And they look at me like I'm stupid for wanting to continue my lifestyle. Like it's a choice. They look at me like I'm weak. All I want to do is scream at them. They have no idea what it's like to restrict till they pass out. To be sent to a hospital for this. To purge till they rip their throat to shreds. It feels like some shitty competition that I know I'd win if we swapped war stories and so now they think they can come up to me and tell me what I'm missing out on. I know what those groups are like. I know what the therapy is supposed to do. I am trying to recover on my own and you don't hear me blabbing about it at every opportunity I get. I don't say anything about it because then I have to hear all this bs pseudo support from people who don't give a shit. I have to be told that I'm a little too old for this again. I have to be watched like a hawk and judged for everything I do (not like that's not already happening with my bf). So get your self-righteous attitude away from me. Not everyone can take the same path. Not everyone heals the same.
I'm not normally so upset by this, but it feels good to get it off my chest.
[Other] We Need Your Opinions
/u/AnonResearcher90
Created: Sat Apr 14 10:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c8m3b/we_need_your_opinions/
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Hey everyone.
First off, I am not here to judge, berate, or tell you what to do. I am here because my team is conducting a certain research study.
We were wondering if anyone here could answer a few questions about themselves so that we may have more data.
Your information will be completely confidential, and you could delete your post if you still worry about your username being saved. If at any time you want to opt out of answering something, please, be my guest. We don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in any shape or form. You could even message it directly, if you’re uncomfortable.
First off, what is your gender and age group, being either adolescent or older?
At what age did you begin to experience signs of an ED?
At what time was your ED at its worst?
What do you attribute your ED to? Meaning, why do you believe you have an ED?
Did you develop an ED to look a certain way for someone? If so, what is their relationship to you.
Do you believe society should be doing more/less to combat EDs? If so, what could it be doing more?
How much social media do you use, on a day to day basis, if at all? And if so, which platforms?
How does social media affect your ED?
Thank you for your time, everyone.
[Rant/Rave] My wife is the poster child for an ED but doesn't have one. I have been playing with disordered eating for a year and don't feel "sick enough." It is affecting our relationship.
/u/allthe_badthings [5'2''| F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 09:55:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c8eq3/my_wife_is_the_poster_child_for_an_ed_but_doesnt/
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Wife has PTSD that manifests itself through OCD. Strangely the only thing she DOESN'T control through manic planning and organizing is her food. Anything else goes wrong--the shower curtain isn't spread evenly across the rod, she forgets something at home when she's already left the house, or she gets a papercut--what follows is such intense self hatred and anger.
She's at an overweight BMI, constantly talks about how she wants to lose weight, but doesn't actually take steps to do it. Part of my brain resents her because she has this amazing control that she could use to eat less, but instead I'm the one over here flailing around trying to fast as long as possible. She eats my fucking food you guys, every time I make something! I share because it means less for me but I am also fuming about it.
A comment she made about me (also Female) a year ago is what spiraled me into disordered eating. While I am thankful she doesn't struggle with it like I do, I blame her every day for remarking how "thin" I used to be. I still think about it every day. I don't know how to let go of the hurt. I know she didn't mean for me to take it so hard.
In my family if someone asks "Do I look fat?" the answer is always always "NO!" In hers, honest answers only. Her whole family just calls each other fat, so you can imagine how jarring it was for me to hear it.
TL/DR: This turned into a SO rant, sorry y'all. Just needed to get it out I guess.
[Rant/Rave] I was free for 1 day! I ate like a normal person!
/u/_skellies
Created: Sat Apr 14 09:48:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c8d20/i_was_free_for_1_day_i_ate_like_a_normal_person/
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Ive been restricting pretty hard for two weeks. But My birthday was Thursday and my boyfriend took me out last night to my traditional birthday restaurant. I had 2 cups of milk earlier in the day (300cal) then I had a full dinner so I'm guessing it was around 2500 in the total. It's hard to estimate. And... I didn't obsessed over my ED the entire time. Thought about it, sure (literally thought "I'm going to regret this") It felt really good. I was actually enjoying the food instead of feeling terrible and guilty. I had a good night out with my babe and I'm happy that he cared enough to take me out and treat me.
I'm back to restricting again, and have to work it off but DAMN if it didnt feel good to let go and actually enjoy it for a second.
whats Todays Mood?
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | CW 48.3 | BMI 17.7 | GW 47 | UGW 45]
Created: Sat Apr 14 09:42:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c8bp8/whats_todays_mood/
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todays mood: posting a picture of almost black coffee with the caption "breakfast" at 4:10pm
You don’t want to be like me.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 14 09:27:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c88eu/you_dont_want_to_be_like_me/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Why can't I get myself to restrict anymore?
/u/peculiartinshoes
Created: Sat Apr 14 09:22:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c877u/why_cant_i_get_myself_to_restrict_anymore/
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It used to come so naturally.
[Discussion] April 14th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 08:53:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c80q9/april_14th_2018_question_of_the_day/
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If you could acquire a talent (without any extra effort), what would it be?
[Discussion] What are your favorite vegetable recipes?
/u/Wisdomtoothinquiry
Created: Sat Apr 14 08:46:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c7z3t/what_are_your_favorite_vegetable_recipes/
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I've been obsessed with vegetables lately. It makes restriction so much easier as you can eat a HUGE serving for few calories. I just ate eggplant for the first time and holy shit, how am I just now finding out about this?? Under 90 calories for 350 grams which is a massive amount. And it has such an interesting taste and texture!
What are your go to vegetables and how do you prepare them?
[Rant/Rave] My body is just permanently ruined.
/u/Cha0sC00rdinator
Created: Sat Apr 14 08:23:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c7u9o/my_body_is_just_permanently_ruined/
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Restrict. Restrict. Restrict. 800. 600. 400. My body refuses to lose any more weight. I've cycled the same 1lb for 2 weeks while eating between 400-800 calories a day. Is this seriously just maintenance for me now?! Have I done this for so long that my body has just given up?! I'm still a "healthy" BMI, so I just don't get it... DAE have this problem? Or have I just ruined my metabolism from doing this for 15+ years?
[Other] a feeling you get when you eat something and you can feel it in your fat??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 14 08:21:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c7tzh/a_feeling_you_get_when_you_eat_something_and_you/
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[deleted]
[Goal] I'm 10 lbs away from my goal weight
/u/ineedtogetlighter [5'4 | CW: 130lbs | -24.4 lbs | GW: 120 lbs | Male]
Created: Sat Apr 14 08:05:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c7qf6/im_10_lbs_away_from_my_goal_weight/
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I'll be the lightest I've been since I was 14 (nearly 21 now)...fuck...my heart just kind of stopped when I realised this, I really can't believe it, I never thought I'd be here
Will it be enough? 🤔 I hope so! 😂
How did you guys feel when you reached your GW milestones?
[Rant/Rave] When you randomly gain 1.5 lbs overnight despite having just reduced your calories the day before
/u/qu1et1
Created: Sat Apr 14 08:00:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c7pfa/when_you_randomly_gain_15_lbs_overnight_despite/
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ARGHHHH!!!!!!! &@&?!@&$
[Help] i think my internet best friend lied to me but i dont know why and i dont know for sure (ed related)
/u/throwaway2347928347 [5"3 | 70 | 12.7 | 15F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 07:32:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c7juh/i_think_my_internet_best_friend_lied_to_me_but_i/
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so a while ago i decided to stop coming on here (was just uncomfortably triggering) but i need help so sneaking back in for a second ;;
i became best friends with someone online recently and it happened fast because our pasts and struggles are really similar and we're really compatible with eachother as friends even though shes twice my age
and she knows i have an ed and ive talked about it in detail with her, she's seen a pic of my body, i told her my weight when she asked, and shes been really respectful about it
but today she told me something that would have been fine but i dont see how it could be true, and i cant figure out what her intentions could have been to tell me this if it isnt
so first she told me she's had disordered eating in the past and it's creeping up on her again, that part was fine except i wish i knew before i talked about my own ed so much so carelessly
but then later in the conversation when she was going to tell me where the problem started, she asked me my height and weight again, and i asked why and she said "for comparison i want to explain something", so i told her
then she said that when she was 13 years old she was 5"8 and 65 pounds, not because she was starving herself, she ate all the time and "would drink like a gallon of whole milk a day" but had an "over active metabolism"
i didnt think that made sense so i asked questions but she answered vaguely and said she doesnt remember much and said "lets not get side tracked" when i was focusing on it
and then i asked why she asked my height/weight first and she said "i wanted to check what your bmi was to compare to mine"
so she looked up my bmi and then deliberately told me a height and weight that meant she was in worse condition than i am right now, and the circumstances she told me she got to them in arent possible right? to get that low at that height with that??? i dont know a lot about hypermetabolism specifically but its just extremely hard to believe with what i know in general
is there any way she was telling the truth? and why would she tell me that if not?? can anyone just tell me what they think of all this
(and sorry for the massive amount of context i couldn't figure out how to effectively make this less words)
[Rant/Rave] Holy shit, you guys, I fit into my sister's jeans!
/u/tinyfleabite [5'2.5" | 98 lbs | GW 90lbs | 16F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 07:00:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c7e2p/holy_shit_you_guys_i_fit_into_my_sisters_jeans/
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They're a little girls' size 9/10 and THEY FIT! They even fit my ridiculously massive hips (not BDD they're 31 inches and the bane of my existence)! They're like really well fitting skinny jeans! Oh my god! I'm sorry I'm fangirling right now because I have a high BF percentage and look WAY heavier (nearly obese, I've been told) than I actually am despite being at a healthy weight but holy crap! I fit into NINE-YEAR-OLD-GIRL SIZED jeans! This has been my goal forever! I mean my sister's nearly twelve and the pants are loose on her, but holy fuck I can wear her clothes! And she has such a good fashion sense as well :) Sorry guys, you're the only ones who'd understand this.
New here
/u/Meldawgs2009 [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Sat Apr 14 06:49:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c7c4p/new_here/
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So little background I’m 27 have had an ED for a little over 2 years. Developed as a result of a colicky cling baby. She only got more clingy as time went on so ED got worse. It’s my coping mechanism for an uncontrollable life. I feel like I’m at the peek. I barely eat maybe 500 a day I work out at the gym 2 times a day and what I do eat I end up throwing up anyway. My husband never noticed. After I had my daughter I was over 200 now I’m at 137. Honestly not sure I want to recover yet. Not sure if working out to an excess is part of the ED but I definitely am anorexic and bulimic.
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 14, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 14 06:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c75sn/daily_food_diary_april_14_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 14, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! April 14, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 14 06:11:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c75rg/stupid_questions_saturday_april_14_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for April 14, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Rant/Rave] I’m really sick of getting “help” from people who know nothing about EDs
/u/Greeneloaf [5'5 | 112 | 18.8 | 57 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 04:34:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c6rnr/im_really_sick_of_getting_help_from_people_who/
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Lately my ED has been really effecting my job and I’m a pet groomer so I had to be honest with my manager about what’s going on. Ever since I told her she’s been asking me if I’ve eaten every single fucking day and she’s like “oh I bet if you keep a food diary that will help” and when I try to explain to her that it’s excruciatingly painful for me to eat meals she tries to tell me to eat veggies and fruits and stuff first and work my way up to real foods and it’s like fuck off? I understand this all comes from a place of genuine concern and she’s just trying to help but she knows fucking nothing about eating disorders. She genuinely thinks this is just a choice to skip meals and it hasn’t gotten through to her that this is a PHYSICAL illness too. I’m one of her top groomers and still even with my illness and with her seeming so concerned for my health, she’s pushing me far beyond me limits at work. I’ve fainted in the bathroom and have had to be sent home because she pushes me to take more dogs when I’m booked up and I physically can’t take it anymore. I had a 180 lb mastiff last night drag me across the floor and tear up my knees because I’m not strong enough to control these big dogs anymore. Bending over to dry them makes me dizzy. But that part of my eating disorder effects her and how much money she makes so when I tell her that easing my work load is basically the only thing she can do to help me right now, it’s like it goes in one ear and out the other and she’s back to “well you have to eat”. I’m just sick of everyone who doesn’t get it.
[Rant/Rave] Met an amazing guy last night, but he said he always dates bigger girls...
/u/meahmareah [170cm | 66kg (GW 50) | 22.84 | 27F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 03:25:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c6iog/met_an_amazing_guy_last_night_but_he_said_he/
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Went on a Tinder date with this guy who's training in Muay Thai last night and we really hit it off. He wants to be a comedian. He got all my inside jokes and had a Tim and Eric tattoo and he's exactly the same height as me and soooo much cuter irl, mega mega babe for sure. He has a creative arts degree and a vocab that's probably more extensive than mine which is damn impressive, and the flirting came in gradually, well timed and perfectly. He walked me home and we held hands on the beach and it was lame and romantic af. Then I invited him in because fuck, why not? And he put on his favourite classical composition then I put on mine and my playlist came on and he named all the songs and their composers and even how long they were, it was insane! Then we swapped clothes, took tramadol and made out forever and ever before finally banging and doing many snugs and chats. He didn't leave till it was light out.
The only problem is he is so fit and toned, and I said before the date I was a bit nervous that he would think I was chubby, to which he responded by saying he likes bigger girls, and proceeded to list off all these chubby girls he's dated, his first being 20 lbs bigger than him and she was always very insecure about it.
I tried not to dwell on it, look at it from a positive perspective, like maybe he didn't mean to say that *I'm a bigger girl*, but I'm pretty sure that's what he was saying... So now I'm going to refocus and work out on top of the yoga/pilates I do every day and restrict back to one meal a day of healthy foods only, and try my best not to be a *bigger girl* once again...
The worst thing that could ever happen is for all the horrible things you think about yourself, for someone you like to think those things about you too. I feel so shit but it's reinvigorated me to do something about this and get my bmi down. I want to be petite and small and cute and beautiful. I don't want to be liked for being a *bigger girl*. It just sucks because I was finally starting to feel more comfortable at my weight and in my skin, but nope, silly me, that's just ridiculous.
Onwards and upwards, I would really appreciate any support atm, links to really good diet/exercise challenges, I can do at home, grounding techniques, ways to distract, your favourite thinspo, anything to keep me focused and motivated rather than just hating myself.
[Discussion] What are your favourite things about yourself?
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | too scared to weigh - Waist size 27 | 25F ]
Created: Sat Apr 14 03:17:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c6hns/what_are_your_favourite_things_about_yourself/
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EDs are horrible monsters that tell us we're shite like 90% of the time. My therapist told me to start thinking about things that I *like* about myself so here they are:
- I'm a fucking awesome teacher
- I speak 4 languages
- I have nice hair
- I've saved a fair bit of money these past few months
- I have a really hot boyfriend
Gwan then, what are yours? Little or lots, indulge in some self-love. Can be ED related or not, appearance related or not. No judgement here 8-)
opinions/advice plsss
/u/TygarRawrs
Created: Sat Apr 14 03:09:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c6gls/opinionsadvice_plsss/
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so abt me: 19F 5' 5.5" 108 lbs
How low can I go before it's unsafe?
What should I do about the "I am either never hungry or super hungry all day" problem?
How many calories a day do I need to maintain? (I'm fairly inactive with the exception of walking to class, which is only 2-3 miles every weekday.)
Any exercise regimes/apps you guys recommend? I'm trying to get rid of some fat/turn some fat into muscle (and maybe doing so will up my weight a lil so my BF can stop being so worried amd lay off for a while)
[Rant/Rave] New ED low for me.
/u/chrz9218
Created: Sat Apr 14 03:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c6fg9/new_ed_low_for_me/
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Long time lurker but made a throw away to post here.
I went out last night for the first time in forever. I was getting worked up about going but saved my calories for two slices of pizza and a few drinks. I stuck to the two slices of pizza but went a bit crazy with drinks and ended up feeling awful. Then someone commented on how much weight I had lost and I couldn’t handle it anymore. Finally made myself purge for the first time and hit a new low weight this morning. I feel like this is the beginning of a new downward spiral.
Just needed to vent I guess.
[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend told me that he's not worried about me "yet".
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | too scared to weigh - Waist size 27 | 25F ]
Created: Sat Apr 14 02:56:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c6eze/my_boyfriend_told_me_that_hes_not_worried_about/
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I've lost weight, don't know how much, but my hipbones are more prominent and my thighs have a larger gap and my wrists are smaller. My boyfriend asked me if I was still losing weight, and I told him that I was, and he told me that that's okay, because he's not worried about me "yet".
Translation in my brain: work your fat arse harder. You don't have an ED.
[Rant/Rave] I just joined a gym.
/u/pickles023 [5'6"|CW: 130|BMI: 21.07|GW: 110|22 F]
Created: Sat Apr 14 01:49:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c65wl/i_just_joined_a_gym/
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They want me to do a personal training session, and I really just don’t want to do that. I don’t want to talk to a trainer, I don’t want any tips or tricks or whatever the fuck. I just want to go in, do my stuff, and fucking leave. Maybe sit in the sauna, but that’s it. Why do I have to go through this to just enjoy the gym?
I already feel weird enough letting other people watch me work out, why the hell would I want a trainer who’s whole job is to pay attention to my fat ass while I workout? I really just don’t understand. I’m really hoping I can get out of it.
[Rant/Rave] Fast and binge cycle starting.. help me!
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Sat Apr 14 01:21:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c629t/fast_and_binge_cycle_starting_help_me/
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Ugh so lately I have been binging (up to 2,000 calories at the most) because usually I eat around 300-500 calories a day. Been SUPER hard not to binge lately- so I have started fasting the day after the binge. I fasted yesterday because of a binge (1,400 at most) and I was doing SO WELL today and came to around 250 cals at dinner and was pretty satisfied then BAM my brother is making lemon bars AND these peanut butter bars as well and he wanted help so I helped him.
Fast forward to when they are baked and done I was trying to resist as BEST as I could ( started C&S pieces of it lol) but caved and ate a lemon bar and a few peanut bars. They were SO rich I feel really sick now but they were AMAZING!! I know I'm going to kill myself when the reality sets in again bc I told myself OVER AND OVER I wasn't going to binge today. And I did. I'll probably end up cutting again tmw as well bc of it. Someone out there who understands please tell me it will be alright and I can fast tomorrow and feel better about it!
It's also hard to fast around my family because they get mad when they don't see me eating. Anyways, I'm so angry at myself. I don't want to binge and fast like this! I'm going to try and eat a solid 500 cals so I don't do this.
That Feel When
/u/onerousboners
Created: Sat Apr 14 01:15:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c61ea/that_feel_when/
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In the middle, or maybe beginning or middle or end of a purge, that feel when you clean your finger off with a piece of toilet paper or napkin...the ~~best~~ feeling. Ugh, I love and adore it.
I guess it lasts until you start using a spoon or tool? Will I miss out on that clean, "LET'S GO" feeling? How can I feel a tool clean and ready? I hope I stay with a finger. Tthis is dumb.
[Rant/Rave] I want to binge and cry.
/u/Xeriib
Created: Sat Apr 14 00:28:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c5ucu/i_want_to_binge_and_cry/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] It's like that one kid on the playground
/u/Grymdolin [5'3 | CW110.8 | 20.17 | GW 90 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 23:54:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c5pc7/its_like_that_one_kid_on_the_playground/
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You know the one. You would start a game: tag, hide and seek, whatever. It didn't matter. As soon as it looked like you were winning, they changed the rules. Base isn't this tree, it's *that* tree. You were puppyguarding. You didn't count loud enough. We were actually racing to this finish line, no this one, no that one. Over and over and over the rules change. Until you don't remember what game you were playing or why you were playing in the first place.
It's kind of like that. Five pounds, ten pounds, twenty, thirty, forty. I want to be healthy. I want to look like I'm dying. I want to look strong. I want to look like I'll die at any second. In the morning I'm set on recovering, but when the sun sets I can't wait to die. Please help me. Please stay away, please mind your own business. Skinnier than you were. Skinnier than her. Skinnier than him. Too skinny to live.
And sometimes you'll see through their bullshit and tell them that they can't keep changing the rules. And then you'll stop playing with them until you're so lonely you want for even the lowest friend. Sometimes you'll catch a glimpse of yourself and see what you really look like. Maybe you like what you see, maybe you're terrified of how sick you look. Maybe you wonder why anyone ever let you get this far. Maybe you wonder why no one else will play with you.
It doesn't matter. Tomorrow you'll play together again.
[Rant/Rave] I feel so guilty right now.
/u/orchia [5'7.5" | CW 130 | UGW 110 | 17F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 23:49:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c5ojq/i_feel_so_guilty_right_now/
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I’m worrying everyone that I care about. My parents, grandparents, friends, whatever—they’ve all picked up on something being wrong. But because I’m a selfish person, I’d rather continue restricting and losing weight than listen to them.
I hung out with my best friend today for the first time in forever because I felt so guilty. She asked to a few days ago after pointing out that we literally never spend time together anymore. I’ve been avoiding basically all hangouts because it usually involves food or disrupts my eating schedule...it’s not because of her, it’s because of my ED, but I can’t tell her that.
She also asked if I was OK because she’d noticed my ED behaviors/me becoming more withdrawn...so yeah, had to lie about that too. I feel like such a shitty friend rn for being distant and secretive and making her worry, but at the same time, I just can’t tell anyone. They’d judge me, or worse, try to stop me. When I first developed an ED, I ended up losing all my friends (my best friend included) and I feel like I’m gonna end up down that road again.
My parents also are worried now, which in a sick way satisfies me because they were still calling me healthy a week ago. Now I’m getting “too skinny” and “not eating enough” again (not true lol, I’m at a 20 BMI), but I’m not about to stop.
I honestly don’t feel as if I could go back to normal now, and I most definitely don’t want to. At the same time, I feel so terrible for doing this to the people I love. And I’m also super tired and irritable with them these days, to make matters worse. Maybe I should just isolate all my friends again so I end up worrying a couple less people...🙃
[Rant/Rave] Others Noticing Your Weight Loss
/u/anonboi420
Created: Fri Apr 13 23:38:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c5mut/others_noticing_your_weight_loss/
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5’6.7 | CW: 123.4 | GW: 117 | 21M
Does anyone else hate when people you know notice you’ve lost weight?
I go to a university in a relatively small city alongside a bunch of people from my high school. I was a fat tub of lard back then as my upbringing didn’t give af about what/how much we ate. After high school I moved around cities and over time lost a bunch of weight, I’m talking like 50lbs. I look entirely different now and honestly killed that fat person off. I feel like it’s common for people with ed’s to dissociate a bit but sometimes I’ll forget I’m skinny and still think I’m that old person. The moving around cities attributed to my attempt at getting away from that person, but with things falling short I’ve arrived back home. At school I noticed people will recognize me and I’ll see their faces and it’s like they just saw a ghost (basically have as I’m pale af from not eating). It’s kind of funny cause I’ll notice that look of dissociation in their eyes, something I experience looking at myself too. As comforting as that sounds I guess, I find it humiliating. A friend told me that a couple people have asked him if I had an ed and shit in that direction. I dunno if they’re nice and acting worried or just making a general inquiry, but it feels invading. I have a specific ‘look’ I want to go for and will go to extremes for it, but it just sucks that people can see it on me. Overall it’s just a constant reminder of who I was (maybe still am as things never actually seem to change). I put all this work and time into this and still find myself where I was (thankfully not 50lbs heavier I guess...).
[Rant/Rave] sometimes I'm tired of counting calories
/u/loveforsquirrels
Created: Fri Apr 13 23:18:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c5jki/sometimes_im_tired_of_counting_calories/
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Anyone feel a little jealous of people that are able to just eat without even thinking about how many calories they're eating? My coworkers are always *eating* & they don't even care about how much they're eating. In fact, it's a joke in the office that I count calories.
I'm not going to stop counting calories, of course. I'm apparently 103lb & I'm okay with this weight right now, but I'm not going to let myself gain.
I was just thinking about how nice life would be if I didn't have to count & could just eat without worrying & without gaining weight.
[Discussion] [Rant/Rave] DAE get mad at other people with EDs?
/u/baileysuzette [18F | 5'3" | CW: 105 | BMI: 18.6 | HW: 140 | LW: 105]
Created: Fri Apr 13 23:16:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c5j95/rantrave_dae_get_mad_at_other_people_with_eds/
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I feel like such a massive bitch but sometimes the shit people post on here make me so mad!! Like one post a bit back was like "I weigh 80 pounds and ate 200 calories today, oh woe is me!" and I was so irrationally mad. Like girl you weigh as much as a child calm the fuck down.
BUT THEN I feel so shitty for getting mad at someone struggling with ED issues because that's literally the whole point of being here.
It's starting to happen in real life, like my friend will say something about only having coffee that day and I'll be mad with envy OR the same friend will say something about eating chocolate and I'll still be mad with envy.
Maybe I'm just a bitch lol
[Discussion] Anyone else eat more at work than home?
/u/fatpiggybelly
Created: Fri Apr 13 23:12:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c5irq/anyone_else_eat_more_at_work_than_home/
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I think I eat at work because I’m bored with what I’m doing and it’s something to focus on.
But when I’m at home, I barely eat unless I need to.
I also feel more of a desire to eat at work than at home.
[Discussion] What do I ACTUALLY look like?
/u/StellaHolly [5'5"| CW: 113 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 22:32:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c5c4i/what_do_i_actually_look_like/
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I don’t know if this is a stupid thing to ask or not but does anyone have a way of knowing what they actually look like. I feel like I look different in pictures and in windows and in every mirror. Some mirrors make me looks skinny and more make me look like a whale. Some people tell me I’m skinny and sometimes I feel huge. Sometimes I’ll see someone walking down the street who I think is SO much smaller than me but I feel Iike I never know the truth because my brain is so fucked up at this point.
Just saw the movie UNA
/u/notyourpeach
Created: Fri Apr 13 21:55:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c5574/just_saw_the_movie_una/
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[removed]
[Other] Welcome to college where EDs run rampant
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 21:22:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c4z2y/welcome_to_college_where_eds_run_rampant/
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https://i.redd.it/xx94691slsr01.png
[Other] Can I apologize to this forum for being a f*cking b****
/u/microbiofreak
Created: Fri Apr 13 21:10:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c4wuj/can_i_apologize_to_this_forum_for_being_a_fcking_b/
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Hey mods, delete if you don't want this on here!
Hey yall.
I have been a drunk bulimic the past year and finally sobered up and became a sober bulimic. (yay? some progress)
Took me about a month, but I was a cunt to this forum a few times when I was blacked out drunk and I want to say I AM SORRY.
I'm super embarrassed and, gawd, you can see it in my post history if you want to look (I don't mind if you do, but.. yeah, it's embarrassing.)
Sorry for being a horrible, drunk, psycho. I've been more sober the past month than I have been the past 3 years and want to actually connect to this forum, because Im pretty effed up. Now, though, I am just grateful I am not fighting both being a drunk mess AND bulimia, just bulimia.
It isn't an excuse, but I know it's a thing (in group) to say sorry. It's so different online, but I am sorry to this community for taking out my pain on all of you when I was drunk.
If you can accept me into your forum, I would appreciate being part of it!
I'm sober now and just working on my bulimia, so if I reply to a post here, and remember me being rude AF, just... Idk, I would appreciate a chance. I'm really embarrassed but still want to be connected.
Thanks. I am so awkward lol.
[Rant/Rave] It’s my anniversary and I’m on the verge of tears from eating Indian takeout.
/u/Chaiteathaichi
Created: Fri Apr 13 21:05:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c4vwq/its_my_anniversary_and_im_on_the_verge_of_tears/
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I’ve been working on recovery for a year. But I just don’t think it’ll ever really work for me. It’s my wedding anniversary and I should be happy. I should be enjoying time with my husband. I shouldn’t be posting this on this subreddit. But I can’t stop thinking about how much weight I’m going to gain this weekend. Some days I’m in a good place and I hardly think about calories, restricting or exercising. Other days (like today) are much more difficult. I hardly ate before dinner because I was so worried about gaining weight. I know tomorrow will be the same because we’re going out of town and have reservations at our favorite French restaurant. I’m holding back tears right now. Thinking about what I’ll weigh at my dietitian appointment on Monday is sending me into a panic. I don’t know what to do anymore
[Rant/Rave] Catch-22
/u/Aleph0-4 [155 cm | 42 kg | BMI 18.25 | 19F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 20:42:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c4r2z/catch22/
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Lately, I've noticed that my thought patterns have taken a turn for the worse.. like how the consequences of purging like damage to the esophagus/knuckles/teeth or electrolyte imbalances don't bother me at all but instead I worry that my purging is not effective enough in getting rid of the calories I consumed. An option to improve that would be flushing but my (abdominal?) muscles probably aren't strong enough to do that (and the risk of heart attack as well).
I'm just really confused right now about what I want to happen. Do I want to:
a) Be able to purge more effectively and structure my life around that e.g. choose foods that come back up easily and only binge on days in which I eat nothing else.
b) Stop b/p and switch to restricting- I doubt I have the self control
c) or maybe I want to not obsess about calories and my weight anymore and want to not scream when I squeeze my own fat.
I'm writing this to calm myself down because I just ate 1/3 of my calorie allowance and it's only 4 am and I'm beating myself up for it and low key panicking as the food digests in my stomach. On the other hand, yesterday morning I barely ate but I was in agony and couldn't stop thinking about food at all. It's like I'm being punished for eating and for not eating- hence the title.
[Help] help me figure out how to stop binging please (trigger warning?)
/u/digbydo [171cm| 67kg | BMI 23 | -24kg | F ]
Created: Fri Apr 13 20:38:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c4qaf/help_me_figure_out_how_to_stop_binging_please/
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I am so upset right now. I have been binging for almost a whole month straight. I need to stop, it is getting to the point where I'm passively suicidal and I really want to relapse in self-harm(I'm safe, I already see a therapist so don't worry). Please don't give me the advice of eating intuitively or "just eat enough and you won't binge" neither of those strategies is effective for me, I've tried them multiple times. I'm not binging because I'm hungry or underweight or for anything like that. It's really an emotional thing for me. I've had an ed for over 7 years now and I have been in and out of treatment multiple times, both IP and OP. No one cares about my binging, they only ever cared about restricting or laxative abuse. Binging is how my ED started, as it got me to a clinically obese BMI. I would hoard food and binge from around the age of 9 years old. I wasn't hungry, or starving, or "restricting" it was just the only thing that brought me comfort and helped me avoid thinking about the abuse I was going through. Anyways, I know all of the physiological reasons for binging, but I assure you that none of those are currently applicable. I have not restricted for a long time. Months even. I don't vomit, and I rarely take laxatives. If I hear one more person tell me it's because I'm not eating enough or not at my "set-point" I will blow my fucking top. That is a load of bullshit and has no relevance to my current situation. Hearing that is so invalidating and really not what I need at this time. I am not doing it because I'm hungry. I feel so out of control and I just want to die. I have university exams this month and I am exhausted and I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone I can talk to besides my therapist, and I only can afford to see her twice a month. I feel so hopeless and frustrated with myself. My weight is climbing and I want it to be going down. My clothes are tight and I am uncomfortable. I am heading towards the overweight range and I really need to avoid that. I feel so guilty because "first world problems" and I know I am so fortunate to live where I do and have what I have. But I can't seem to control myself and I don't know what to do. I binge no matter how much I eat during the day. Sometimes I just binge all day. I don't compensate in any way as of late. Just binging, and on the days I don't binge I still eat over my maintenance. I have tried 5 antidepressants and have had no success there either. THings are just getting worse and I need to stop binging or they will escalate. I just don't know how and I am literally just crying, unable to study and so stressed out. I don't know if anyone will answer, but I'm just putting this out there. I will take any suggestions I can get
[Intro] Oops I Did A Relapse
/u/TheCuntInTheRye
Created: Fri Apr 13 20:30:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c4org/oops_i_did_a_relapse/
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Yo, what’s up y’all.
So first before I say what I want to say, I am 19, trans-male, and I have been on/off with AN (binge/purge subtype) for about 8 years now. I was hospitalized originally for another reason, but stayed because of my ED. I’ve been in recovery for 7 months (longest I’ve made it!) but I’ve relapsed recently due to a perfect (shit)storm of events.
Soooo, onward to what I really want to say.
For the first time ever, I am truly afraid of most food.
My disorder manifested in me eating whatever I wanted in extremely small quantities. I’d have a handful of this, half-serving of that, whatever I’d like, just as long as it was under X amount of calories for the day.
Now I’m in college, living on campus and recently single.
There’s literally nothing holding me back.
TW within brackets below
[I physically cannot eat anything that is not watermelon or a protein shake. If I /really/ need solid food, I always keep a mini watermelon on hand, which depending on the size can be anywhere from 200-340 calories. Lots of water, vitamins and minerals, and VERY filling. On the other hand, for the past week, I have only had protein shakes, which I can purge in full very easily. Which I do. Every day.]
It’s just so passive. It’s fueled by total apathy. I don’t have a scale, so I don’t even know if I’ve lost. I don’t take pictures of myself. I don’t exercise anymore. I do body checks, but not obsessively as I once did. It’s just... passive. But also aggressive. I’ll explain.
While I’ve dropped all the habits and I’m just going about my life, I still have goals. I’m trying to reach at least 115 by the end of the semester, which is going to be tricky since last time I weighed myself, which was maybe two weeks ago, I was ~143 (SW: 150.8). It’s also aggressive in the fact that I physically cannot make myself eat anything outside of those items. I’m just... apathetic.
Anybody else experience that?
[Rant/Rave] Old man at work today called me fat, I haven’t eaten in 2+ days. I actually want to die.
/u/brophie97
Created: Fri Apr 13 20:30:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c4oqj/old_man_at_work_today_called_me_fat_i_havent/
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I was serving his table and I asked him if he wanted his soup to start or at the same time as his meal and he said “I think I’ll take it to start. That way you can run back and forth a few times, it looks like you need it if you know what I mean.” And Everyone at the table started laughing.
I’ve been on a fast for over 48 hours and I’ve honestly never felt worse. Who fucking says shit like that to someone.
I’m allowed to call myself fat, but not some 80 year old asshole at my work. Fuck you dude. I’m so angry.
(I am 21 years old, 128 lbs, 5’ 7’’)
[Help] Embarrassing purge question (splash back)
/u/Melon-mochi [5'7" | 116.0 | 18.1 | -51.5 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 20:04:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c4jdi/embarrassing_purge_question_splash_back/
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Sorry to bother y’all!
Whenever I purge, I get some splash back. Sometimes it even gets in my eyes. It is the GROSSEST thing. I try to lay down some tp to prevent this, but it doesn’t seem to help. Should I buy a pair of dollar store sunglasses to wear? Anyone have any ideas?
[Rant/Rave] Been sitting here for 40 minutes trying to decide what to eat.
/u/txhsu
Created: Fri Apr 13 19:34:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c4cyo/been_sitting_here_for_40_minutes_trying_to_decide/
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Send help.
[Other] How do people lose weight when eating more calories? I don't understand
/u/kingarthersixties [5'6 | 125 | 21.05 | GW: 118 | female]
Created: Fri Apr 13 17:48:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c3pgm/how_do_people_lose_weight_when_eating_more/
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I'm confused on how people lose weight by eating more. Everytime I watch one of those fitnessy transformation videos on youtube, they always say they started losing weight after eating more. ????? WHAT
Idk if I should post this here because it's not exactly ed related, but I thought you guys would know lol.
If you eat like 300 or 600 calories a day and you workout, you're going to lose weight faster than if you ate more calories are you not?? I'm just confused on how this is possible lol.
[Rant/Rave] I am having a breakdown over Taco Bell
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 13 17:39:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c3nk3/i_am_having_a_breakdown_over_taco_bell/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] How fucked does one have to be to use their own childhood pictures as thinspo?
/u/figglygiggly
Created: Fri Apr 13 17:24:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c3k80/how_fucked_does_one_have_to_be_to_use_their_own/
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I apologize in advance for the rant to come.
I used to be a really thin child, all skin and bones, carefree as hell, but I got hit by a slew of illnesses at 9 and once I recovered I blew up like a balloon. Now I’ve been fat for almost as long as I was skinny but I’m still delusional enough to feel that this is not who I am, that I’m trapped in this ugly sham of a body and I need freedom if I ever want to be happy. I recently uncovered some adorable childhood pictures, and spent much of the incredibly depressing period of time before dawn sobbing to an incredibly uncomfortable podcast about EDs and neurotically zooming into my kid self’s collarbones and arms, but also the tiny pocket of fat from where I’d squished my chin into my neck while smiling. 24 hours later, the whole affair feels disgusting and contrived - who the fuck does that? Do I think I’m in a movie or something? I’m a repulsive human being. I’m so deep in denial that I’m somehow envious of my child self’s physique, but also critical of her baby fat. The fact that I’m bitter and miserable enough to judge an innocent, happy child for her smile is fucking disgusting. I’m sorry for what she’s become. It’s difficult to reconcile that we’re the same person, skinny or fat.
[Rant/Rave] I am such a boring person
/u/ayybih
Created: Fri Apr 13 15:09:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c2nch/i_am_such_a_boring_person/
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Literally all I talk about is work, complain about my baby daddy, or talk about food. Im such a boring person. I want to get a hobby but if I’m not good at something, I just get insecure and sad and beat myself up and quit. All I have is my ED. The only things I do are work, and raise my son. Like wtf. I’m not interesting enough to have friends. I hate myself. I wish I could stick with a hobby and be good at it and have a personality but nope. I’m just boring.
[Discussion] Some thoughts on lifting as a recovery aid
/u/CeciNestPasOP [5'8" | CW: 129 | GW: happy | 22F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 15:02:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c2ljl/some_thoughts_on_lifting_as_a_recovery_aid/
---
I think the people that say it's replacing one obsessive coping mechanism with another are mostly correct - I do depend on going to the gym, in a way that is not healthy. I guess I see it as a form of harm reduction? I still don't have a good relationship with food or my body, but at least in the meantime I'm not hurting my body. It's easier to improve how I look at food when I'm not starving myself.
The preoccupation with numbers cuts both ways now - more than 1100 is still scary, but less than 2200 is failure. More than 130 is unthinkable, less than 135 is weak. I can't deadlift my bodyweight, so I'm pathetic. My bodyweight is higher, so I'm more pathetic. I kind of miss the simplicity of unidirectional fear.
When I can't make it to the gym for more than a week, I totally loose the will to eat. I obsess about fasting more, because I can justify it as a health tool. *I'm not underweight anymore!!! Why do I need to eat*
Even my dysphoria shuts up sometimes, because I can't deny I do look pretty damn good. I want to look skeletal less than I used to. I saw being "skinny" as a physical representation of control and restraint and having-your-shit-together-ness. Did I just replace that ideal with being lean? Probably.
I wish eating wasn't so hard. I wish eating wasn't so easy.
(Thoughts on exercise and recovery? Has it helped you?)
Skinny boyfriend...
/u/nailsnotnailedit
Created: Fri Apr 13 15:02:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c2lhx/skinny_boyfriend/
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I lost so so much weight a few years ago and just gained it all back. So frustrated. My new boyfriend is so much thinner than me and I’m ready to get back to losing.
It’s like I don’t have a middle ground, I either binge or starve.
I guess this is an introduction post.
[Rant/Rave] Was happy with weight, then gained weight. Hated body, so lost weight. Back at where I was before, nowhere near happy
/u/keekaroo [5'2 | CW 120 | GW 100 | 20 F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 14:40:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c2fpe/was_happy_with_weight_then_gained_weight_hated/
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Just a random rant because I don't understand my thought process sometimes.
I gained a few pounds coming into college and I'm short, so 20 looks like a decent amount, especially on my stomach. With restricting, I managed to lose all those 20 pounds, and I thought I'd be happy with my body. Coming into college, I was perfectly happy with this weight and didn't want to lose. Now I'm back at that weight, but I'm the exact opposite of happy.
Now I still hate my body. Sure, it's *better* but I'm still "fluffy." I want to lose 20 more pounds now and it doesn't make sense how I was so happy a year and a half ago with this weight, and now I still feel like there's still so much to lose. My friends say I have my old body back but honestly, I don't remember looking like this. I feel as though I look *worse* at this weight now than I did a year and a half ago. How is that possible? It's not probably, probably just BM and whatnot but it concerns me that I'll never want to stop losing...
Basically, I feel like I look heavier now than I did a year and a half ago, even though I'm the same weight. Updated my goal weight so here's to hoping I find confidence in whatever journey this is.
[Other] I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this song just like me
/u/xCatsunax [5'5 | 105 lbs | BMI: 17.5 | GW 95 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 14:35:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c2ejg/im_sure_a_lot_of_you_can_relate_to_this_song_just/
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jGALaVgwdc0
[Intro] I'm back
/u/Bleepbloopbroke [65|CW 114.4|GW 95|UGW 84|19.26|]
Created: Fri Apr 13 14:26:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c2by1/im_back/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/u_Bleepbloopbroke/comments/8c28pu/im_back/
[Help] How many calories if I remove cheese off a pizza
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍉5'5|112|GW:105🍌]
Created: Fri Apr 13 13:51:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c22e8/how_many_calories_if_i_remove_cheese_off_a_pizza/
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Heelllooo everyone. I have an event tonight and there will be pizza there. I was excited for this because I've been restricting all week and fasted today to save my calories for it. I give myself an 800 calorie budget a day and was planning on eating 2-3 slices expecting triangular pizza with 250-300 calories but I just looked up the nutrition facts and it is 400 per 208g slice!!
I ran into the coordinator and he was really happy that I'd be coming and said "we ordered so much pizza so please eat a lot," and I was like yeah totally I'll eat it all before asking where the pizza is from, so I have to show up now. I just wanted some mushroom pizza but now I have to be THAT person who picks off the cheese because I cannot justify eating 2 400 calorie slices.
So yeah, anyone have an estimate? The pizza is from Wegmans and they are large and square slices.
[Discussion] I've been "recovered" for over 5 years until a month ago and I have never felt more alone.
/u/search4bone
Created: Fri Apr 13 13:48:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c21fz/ive_been_recovered_for_over_5_years_until_a_month/
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I got healthy 5 years ago and it simultaneously feels like a lifetime ago and yesterday that I was suck in that vicious cycle we all know with those whispers in my head that we all hear.
A month ago the new girl at work casually mentioned that she used to be anorexic. I thought it was weird how she brought it up to me because we were basically strangers and I don't know why I can't stop thinking about it.
I have a great life. I'm back at uni, I have the world's best boyfriend. I got a promotion at work in January. Everything is amazing.
Except that my weight went from 110 in September to 140 now. My boyfriend and I just eat whatever whenever and over the winter that is really showing.
I'm at my highest ever weight. I have to literally push my fat down into my jeans to do them up.
A month ago I was thinking about joining a gym or walking to school once it gets warm. But then this coworker made that comment and now I can feel myself slipping back to where I was 5 years ago and I'm worried I'm going to lose everything.
I've been lurking here for 28 days and I guess this is my introduction post.
[Rant/Rave] 900 calories at 2:30 pm
/u/dietcoketwistedmango
Created: Fri Apr 13 13:42:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1zxh/900_calories_at_230_pm/
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1200 calories is my goal today, I am not yet conditioned enough to hit lower than that (it has been years since I've had <900 kcal days).
I was just ravenous this morning, typically I am much hungier early in the day so not suprising.
But still managed to hit 900 kcal by 2pm (plain oatmeal, chia seeds, raisins, 2 onion, cheerios all measured on food scale). Very disordered today in terms of what I felt comfortable eating. Somehow eating 2 onions and cheerios felt like thin foods?? Most vegetables are safe.
Not really worried about binging atm becuase most food feels like a bad idea right now.
I just want to make it to end of the day without going over. I want to keep dropping weight every week even if it isnt tons at a time.
[Rant/Rave] Five. Boxes. Of. Donuts.
/u/kitschyliepard
Created: Fri Apr 13 13:31:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1wyo/five_boxes_of_donuts/
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We have one employee who usually brings pizza or donuts in Friday afternoon. Today she brought 3 boxes of donuts. And somebody else brought two boxes. And they all leave at 6 and I'm the second shift cleaner so there are going to be a fuck ton of donuts staring me in the face. All. Night. While I'm here. Alone.
FML >_< I am so close to breaking into the 170s after an amazing week, ; got groceries today and bought fruit, veggies, eggs, almond milk, sugar free gum, and 0 cal drinks. Didn't buy anything risky. I've been doing -so- well.
On one hand if I can resist binging on all these damn donuts, I'll have proven to myself that I've truly got my will power back. On the other, it almost feels like someone's trying to sabotage my progress (I know this is not true but it's frustrating regardless).
Route for me guys, if this isn't trial by fire I dunno what is.
[Intro] Hi. I'm new.
/u/helianthus_0 [5'4 ^ 120 lbs ^ 20.6 ^ F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 13:26:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1veh/hi_im_new/
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Hello. I'm helianthus. I've had an ED for several years. Bulimia, AN b/p type now AN r.
I spent a number of years in/out of treatment, my last discharge was Feb 2016. I've been weight restored since then but I'm slipping. I'm still unhappy with my body. I've done the "body positivity - recovery is possible - body acceptance" thing, gave my body 2 years to redistribute the 20 lbs I gained in treatment, I tried working out for several months and I'm STILL unhappy with it. I feel like the only way to get a body I'm happy with is to lose weight. Thus, here I am.
I'm 34, I love reading, dogs, and running.
[Rant/Rave] I just stuck my entire fist down my throat and nothing happened
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5 |88.4 lbs|16.5|-20 |18F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 13:26:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1vda/i_just_stuck_my_entire_fist_down_my_throat_and/
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Purging has always been that line I thought I wouldn't cross.
Until about twenty minutes ago when I ate a kilogramme of peanut butter mixed with a cup of fortified chocolate powder (whoo, hit 200% of my iron goal at least).
I'm going home from uni today so I know it's going to be hard to openly restrict and/or exercise and to be fair, after all the stress this semester, I can't be bothered.
So off I went, into the dorm bathroom, tied my hair up into a messy bun and got ready. First I stuck a finger down, tickled my uvula. Nothing.
Okay, no worries, I switched to three fingers and went further down (I didn't know I had weird flaps at the back of my throat, also, it's surprisingly bony, TMI, lmao thinspo). Zilch.
You know what, fuck this, I formed my hand into a fist and stuck it so far down, I got to where my thyroid is a bit englarged. And... nope. Absolutely nothing.
I don't know whether to feel happy that I still haven't crossed my imaginary line or frustrated knowing I'll never be able to cross it anyway.
Good old purge, I guess I'll have to keep achieving you with my long runs, exercise bike and miso soup days.
On a bright note, the Muslim month of fasting is coming so I'll get to openly not eat for all of May. And I can always pretend to eat a whole bunch during the evening and before sunrise through fruit. Itll be even better when I break my fast at work with water and plain oatmeal.
Alright, time to continue packing. Once again, love you gals and guys for being the one community I can rant to. <3
[Rant/Rave] Stuck binging
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 13 13:25:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1v2l/stuck_binging/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1v2l/stuck_binging/
[Help] How do I use caffeine pills/Bronkaid?
/u/InhumanConnections [5'8" | CW:130 | GW:120 | BMI:19.55 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 13:23:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1uo0/how_do_i_use_caffeine_pillsbronkaid/
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[removed]
[Help] Exercise help!
/u/Awkward_Mermaid
Created: Fri Apr 13 13:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1rcb/exercise_help/
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Hi there, long time lurker under different accounts. Does anyone have a reliable app or website that they use to calculate the calories they burn during workouts? I feel like every site gives me waaay different answers and it's giving me anxiety not knowing if I've done enough for the day. Also, has anyone found one that measures certain exercises in amounts and not times? Like it makes me crazy that when I look up my crunches it's always measured in minutes of exercise and not reps! Please help me before I lose my mind over this lol
Can someone tell me how many calories are in SmartPop?
/u/SummerMournings [5’2 | CW: 131 GW: 107 | 🍑 ImMakingT0ast]
Created: Fri Apr 13 12:25:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1ejv/can_someone_tell_me_how_many_calories_are_in/
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http://smartlabel.orville.com/product/4415223/nutrition
There’s the nutrition facts for the one I got. I bought it thinking that the whole bag (6.5 cups) was around 100 calories because fuck yes. Now that I’m looking at it, it’s starting to look like 1 serving is 120 calories... meaning the whole bag is upwards of 700. I don’t want to eat it unless I’m sure I’m not doubling my calories for the day, lol.
The website also advertises it as being 100 calories for 6 cups so maybe I’m just confusing myself? Still tho gotta be sure👀
[Other] I'm choosing life. I'm cutting ties with my ED once and for all.
/u/desde-siempre [5'3" | CW 113.6 | GW 100 | 26F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 12:23:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1e3i/im_choosing_life_im_cutting_ties_with_my_ed_once/
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hello all~
i debated with myself about making this post but you know what fuck it i'm gonna do it. so at one point i was somewhat active on this sub, but about a month ago i decided to log out and unsubscribe because i have reached a turning point.
just as a little background, i have been living in spain for the past 7 months and it's been awesome and awful; some incredible things and some truly shitty things have happened to me.
long story short, i relapsed due to the stress.
but things have turned around 100% and i have reached a point where i have to give myself an ultimatum - its the ED or me. i've lived in misery for the past 4+ months and i can't take it anymore. there are too many things i love about life that i've been letting pass me by, like my love for weightlifting and running in races, traveling, drawing, going out and not feeling like garbage about it, having the attention span to read a book, etc. i've been destroying myself instead of building myself to be a better person, and to put it bluntly, at my age (i'm turning 27 soon), my body can't take the abuse like it used to be able to.
so as my time in spain comes to a close, i'm dumping my eating disorder for what i hope is the very last time. i've been focusing on eating good, real foods, as consistently as i can instead of fighting this uphill battle of the restrict/binge/self-loathing cycle. even though right now i feel a bit uncomfortable in my own skin as my body adapts to me taking care of it for once, i feel very positive mentally.
i just wanted to thank you all soooo much for the support. thanks for making me laugh when i needed it. thanks for commiserating with me and letting me commiserate too. thanks for being such kind people. and that's what we are:we are all people here, and we are people who deserve the best in life. i hope you find your peace, wherever it may be.
i thought about deleting this account because my posting history makes me feel kinda vulnerable, discussing things that only maybe 2 people in real life know about and all that, but i think i'm gonna keep using it, in a positive way. hopefully if someone looks at my history they can see that we are more than the stigma, that we too can progress and overcome.
i love you all. thank you again. please send me a message if you want to talk one day.
[Other] I am such an idiot, an absolute total complete idiot
/u/anaccountanalright
Created: Fri Apr 13 12:19:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1d1s/i_am_such_an_idiot_an_absolute_total_complete/
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Content warning: Sexual regrets
I don’t know where else to go to talk about this but I figure at least here with other people like me with disordered minds and behaviors, maybe i can feel okay talking here.
Maybe it was my self hatred or just a moment of goddamn stupidity but I had unprotected sex with a guy I don’t know very well. It was just for a few minutes, there was no finish, but Jesus fucking Christ how could I be so fucking stupid? And he’s not exactly ghosted me now but he’s drifting away, which is a bit sad, but I’m less sad about that than i am looking back and just asking myself WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT? I don’t have any regrets that I slept with him but I have EXTREME regrets that I did it in such a manner.
I’m ALWAYS the friend who reminds people to be safe. I’m always the one who checks in on them and sets up check times and check points and reminds them to use protection. How could I possibly be so so so stupid?
I feel like I’m going to be sick. I just don’t want to have to wake up tomorrow because tomorrow, and every day thereafter, I have to look at my stupid fucking face in the mirror who made that decision.
Oh fuck what the fuck did I do.
Weird habits you have that, surprise, night just be a symptom of your ED
/u/_thehotcheetodiet_
Created: Fri Apr 13 12:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c1bkv/weird_habits_you_have_that_surprise_night_just_be/
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So like I have a weird thing about plates and spoons, where I always like eating off of smaller ones. I know that sort of thing is recommended a lot in dieting communities for portion control, but I never had that thought consciously- I just like small dishes. I've had this preference forever really, before I even truly had any "disorder" (tho I've been binging all my life so maybe there never was a disorder-free me).
There's like 3 small rice bowls and a small slender tea spoon that are my absolute favorite to eat off of, and I sometimes get legitimately upset when I can't use them. Same if I'm forced to use full sized plates rather than salad plates. I will literally go and hand wash them just so I can use them lol.
Another thing is that if I ever eat candy, I can't just take a bite of them, I have to eat them layer by layer. I also never eat apples whole, I just won't eat it if they're not cut up. I also spend a lot of time plating my food prettily and eating it *aesthetically*, making sure it still looks neat while I eat. And like, again, if I can't do these things then I get mildly distressed and it puts me in a bad mood.
I just wonder if these sort of habits aren't *just* quirks, but are actually part of my ED behaviors. These kind of things seem so normal to me and I'm realizing that to other people they are definitely not normal. Anyone else have any things like thing?
[Help] Migraines causing binges?
/u/BurnBridgesLiteMyWay
Created: Fri Apr 13 12:01:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c186g/migraines_causing_binges/
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I’ve suffered from severe migraines for decades. Restricting and exercise often causes them. For reference, I have a neurologist, do Botox for them and have a bunch of scripts. They’re so severe I can end up in the ER with non-stop vomiting from them for days.
Anyway... I’ve been having a lot more migraines and as they’re easing up and I’m finally feeling human again, I have an INTENSE desire to binge. Eating helps them go away and I’m a huge comfort binger. I don’t know how to resist. Any advice? Anyone else experience this?
Should I give in and hope I feel better and can get back to restricting better or ride it out. Suffering so much pain makes the pain of restricting harder but I don’t wanna keep going in this cycle.
[Help] How to find a doctor for suspected ADHD?
/u/dontgiveared
Created: Fri Apr 13 11:30:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c0za8/how_to_find_a_doctor_for_suspected_adhd/
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I know this isn't ED related, but y'all are my people and I figure some of you have experience here. I had an appointment set up to see my GP and discuss with her symptoms that I have that I think point to ADHD, but they just let me know they don't take my new insurance.
Should I be looking for a new GP to ask about this, or are they just going to refer me to a psychiatrist? Should I just skip the middleman and make an appointment with a psychiatrist? I was kind of hoping my GP would prescribe me some meds to try and go from there, since seeing a GP is cheaper than a specialist.
Any advice?
[Help] I'm kind of scared, you guys
/u/Pinetree_grrl
Created: Fri Apr 13 10:50:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c0nx8/im_kind_of_scared_you_guys/
---
Okay, not sure if this is where I should be posting but you guys are the only people I trust with this. I'm having pretty excruciating symptoms related to either a UTI or maybe something else, not sure. Going to the doctor after work today. But while I had some mild symptoms for a few days leading up to this, it got so so much worse after a drinking/eating binge and purge session last night. Like when I dragged myself to bed both my legs were seizing with cramps, and today I feel like I'm being stabbed in the uterus, while also fighting off fine calf cramps. I'm pretty sure the pelvic pain is more related to my sordid sex life than the ED, but is it something I should tell the doctor? I don't want to get in trouble or be referred, but I also don't want to be misdiagnosed. Any thoughts, guys, because I'm freaking out?
(PS, pretty sure it's not an STD, just recently got screened and it was all clear)
[Rant/Rave] [rant] I love eating, I love food. I hate eating, I hate food.
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: 155 | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 10:42:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c0lrv/rant_i_love_eating_i_love_food_i_hate_eating_i/
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I feel like I’m fighting this constant battle between my love of food and my need to be skinny.
I love to cook delicious things. I love to eat delicious things. I like all kinds of food and enjoy the experience of eating. I love how food brings people together. Eating makes me happy when I’m upset. Cooking is therapeutic.
But I have no fucking self-control. Sometimes I can’t stop eating. I hate that food brings me comfort and I turn to it when I’m depressed. I hate that every social gathering involves stuffing our faces. I hate that I can’t just view food as fuel. Sometimes I wish I never got hungry.
I have such an ‘effed up relationship with food and eating. I hate it. I wish I could just be normal and not obsess over every calorie I put in my body.
[Rant/Rave] Skinny People Who Don’t/Can’t Gain
/u/elizasbreath [162cm| CW 46kg | GW: 40kg | -17.5kg I 18F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 10:42:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c0lni/skinny_people_who_dontcant_gain/
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I know some skinny people get really frustrated over this but holy shit it kills me sometimes. Especially because this is literally my 13yo brother.
He doesn’t mind being skinny and doesn’t get bullied for it or anything, so there’s no grievance, but he’s currently being dragged around doctors by his mother because everyone is so worried about his weight. He definitely, 100% does not have an eating disorder. He also eats way over his tdee pretty damn often and isn’t god damn athletic. His only health issues are his asthma and high cholesterol (teenage boys love junk food to the point of obsession, who could’ve guessed).
They can’t figure out why he doesn’t gain. He looks incredibly underweight nowadays but he’s perfectly fine apart from that - inside and out. He doesn’t ever just not eat or fast or eat less than normal so it isn’t that. And it just kills me sometimes. And I hate myself over it because it makes me just the slightest bit grateful that I don’t live in the same home as him because I think my eating disorder would spiral so much worse than it already has if I did.
[Other] Alright guys, fuck recovery I’m back
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 111 | 20.3 | -24 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 10:40:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c0l05/alright_guys_fuck_recovery_im_back/
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I tried it. Im miserable. My therapist isn’t helping. I’m too much of a pushover to quit treatment so I’m just going to go in and feel satisfied as they watch me lose weight because I don’t care anymore!!
Long time no see everyone, what did I miss? 🙌🏻
[Help] Any advice for people who binge when they go out?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 10:25:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c0gsx/any_advice_for_people_who_binge_when_they_go_out/
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I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately and I thought maybe you r/proEDrs would be able to help. I’m a pretty social person and I like going out with my friends a lot, but often that includes restaurants, bars, snacks, etc., and I find myself bingeing on those foods because my brain has somehow decided eating around other people is okay. I try to do one meal a day to get around this but sometimes it’s not enough. Do you all have any suggestions for how to get out of that mindset and how to avoid binges? I’ve gained a bit of weight because of it lately and it’s driving me insane.
[Rant/Rave] What pisses me off the most is that all this angst and hassle and mental energy wasted and I'm not even thin. [Rant/Rave]
/u/misspennyfoolish
Created: Fri Apr 13 10:20:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c0fj1/what_pisses_me_off_the_most_is_that_all_this/
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Can you relate? Like I feel like there are so many people thinner than me who actually live normal lives and I have all this angst and nothing to show for it. The one benefit of an ED would be being thin and I don't even have that. Meanwhile there are so many thin, gorgeous women who focus on their careers and hobbies and are beautiful and successful at once instead of obsessing over food and still being ugly. It makes me feel like a total waste of a person.
It does motivate me to keep losing though. Because the results will vindicate my suffering. And you have to remember your progress. Like yes I still feel fat but I also lost 25 lbs since last October. 15 more to go down to 115.
[Goal] Gonna eat like a normal person today and cry about it later
/u/bodybycoke
Created: Fri Apr 13 10:19:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c0f87/gonna_eat_like_a_normal_person_today_and_cry/
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[Rant/Rave] Self-harmed for the first time since high school
/u/heyheypicklejay [5'1 | cw 98 | gw 90 | bmi 19.32 | 20F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 10:10:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c0ckt/selfharmed_for_the_first_time_since_high_school/
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Ive been binging since yesterday bc I cant shake that fucking food high I get when I stuff my face with all kinds of carbs and sugar and sweets, and my fucked up self figured that the only way to stop is to associate the high of binging with physical pain (apparently the mental pain isn't enough to stop me, Ive devoured personal pizzas while in literal tears). I started cutting again on my hips so no one will see the scars, but fuck it hurt. I dont wanna do that ever again, any of it- the binging or the cutting. Why am I like this.
- also sorry for all the F bombs -
[Other] You can already tell how my week’s going to go
/u/figglygiggly
Created: Fri Apr 13 09:56:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c08n8/you_can_already_tell_how_my_weeks_going_to_go/
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https://i.redd.it/zy5434ii7pr01.jpg
this is never going to end
/u/barbedwirebunny
Created: Fri Apr 13 09:52:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c07ji/this_is_never_going_to_end/
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I was high and I had this weird brief moment of lucidity. I had a realisation. Unless I go into recovery, nothing is going to change for me. I don't feel like I'm ever going to be ready for recovery. Being underweight is more important to me than anything else. It's more important than friends and family and it's more important than my hopes and dreams. It feels like I've already thrown my life away. The weight I lose will never be enough. The rest of my life is going to be an endless cycle of restricting and being okay for a while then freaking out about my weight and heavily restricting again. I have the same bad habits everyday. It's like a really depressing version of Groundhog Day. I should have realised this a long time ago. This is my life now. I know this is such an obvious statement but in the moment it felt so profound. It felt like a question I hadn't consciously been asking had been answered; when will it be over? I don't even feel like I can be sad about it, because this shit makes me so drowsy all the time. It feels like my brain is shutting down. I wish I had the energy to do the things I want to do. I wish I could go out and party and I wish I actually had friends. I wish I could just wish this disorder away, but when I was a kid I wished I could be skinny. This disorder has taught me to be careful what I wish for, because maybe that goal I'm reaching towards isn't something I really want deep down. I hope I can get better someday.
edit: sorry idk how to flair on mobile
What’s your ED “nostalgia period”?
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Fri Apr 13 09:49:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c06w3/whats_your_ed_nostalgia_period/
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I spent a lot of my life reminiscing over the time in 7th grade when I engaged in ED behavior without truly understanding what was going on. I always get nostalgic about that time because it was my first “innocent” encounter with anorexia where I wasn’t dieting with the intent of getting “back there”. What about you guys?
Ice cream & kettle chips
/u/renewtheplaintiff [5'3 | cw: 100 | gw: 90 | F24]
Created: Fri Apr 13 09:32:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8c021u/ice_cream_kettle_chips/
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So today I was planning on going to the grocery store before work to buy some binge food - mainly a vegan Ben & Jerry’s flavour I haven’t tried, and kettle chips. Both are on sale like 50% off ONLY TODAY.
But surprise surprise, my bf forgot to set an alarm, hence we slept in. He doesn’t seem all that interested in going grocery shopping, and I can’t justify rushing out the door atm & being late for work. This is so frustrating. I was looking forward to ice cream SOOO much.
If I bitch to my bf, he’ll just get annoyed and tell me to stop talking about food so here I am wohoooo why THE FUCK CAN’T I HANDLE PLANS CHANGING. This ruined my entire day, fml
Guess I’ll starve all day haha
[Rant/Rave] tfw you make plans with friends and get bailed on for the thousandth time
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" |cw maintaining| 26F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 08:51:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bzqps/tfw_you_make_plans_with_friends_and_get_bailed_on/
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I swear my two best friends don’t actually like me at all. The three of us never hang out outside of school/work, but the two of them are always together. I’ve asked them about it before and they tell me it’s all in my head—that they do actually care about me, but I just don’t enjoy going out to the same places they do (which is true), so they go without me.
Well I tried to make plans to meet them for drinks this afternoon. We planned this a week ago. It was all settled, and I was really looking forward to it! Except today, I find out they both made other plans. Nobody is meeting me anywhere. And nobody will text me back after I told them I was upset.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m sick of third-wheeling my own friendship, but I don’t have anyone else to hang out with.
[Rant/Rave] all i want is a flat stomach
/u/ohillbewithyoustill
Created: Fri Apr 13 08:31:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bzldj/all_i_want_is_a_flat_stomach/
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im at my "goal" weight but when i look down all i see is that little pouch and i hate hate hate it. it's the part of myself i despise the most and i am literally never not conscious of it. all of my restricting is so i can lose this belly and have a perfectly flat stomach but it's so hard to lose and i literally feel gross when i look in the mirror and see the fat on my stomach. like i can see my ribs but i still have fat there. my ideaaal perfect body is alexis ren and it's so frustrating to me because when i was young i had a flat stomach but now it's just there all the time. what do i do i'm eating less than 1000 calories a day, should i workout more or cut carbs or something?? do you guys have this problem?? how did you fix it?? pls help
[Rant/Rave] Do boys like skinny girls?
/u/thesubtleartofcaring
Created: Fri Apr 13 08:12:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bzger/do_boys_like_skinny_girls/
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I don’t know if this is a vast generalisation but every girl I see with a boyfriend is thin? Where are the normal/chubby girls with boyfriends?? This seems particularly prevalent in Korea (where I live) It seems that to be in a relationship you have to be thin ㅠㅠ
[Help] Oblivious Husband Blues (Rant/Help)
/u/Satrina_petrova [H5'2|CW100.5bs|GW97|29F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 08:02:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bzdo0/oblivious_husband_blues_ranthelp/
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I'm not sure how this happened but I may have brainwashed my husband. I am very good at seeming normal.
I know some changes were noticed but I always had an answer lined up. I love science so all the research into health and nutrition doesn't strike him odd.
I share all the truly valuable information I can on things like autophagy, how insulin works, macros. I feel like such a liar now.
I am intentionally deceiving my husband so I could better hide this. He says I'm he's proud I'm taking time for myself and taking care of myself.
I'm just being selfish and shallow I don't deserve his praise.
I was so proud when I lost 15 that I told him. I realize now that I was half hoping he'd be concerned. He was happy for me. I even told him they changed the BMI and I was (at that time) still 7 pounds above underweight. I can't tell him I'm struggling now without exposing myself and all the deceit.
What am I supposed to do now? If I become legitimately underweight I'll feel compelled to tell him and it's going to rain our marriage. Someone tell me what to do.
Order of EC stack
/u/cxwang
Created: Fri Apr 13 07:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bzb7i/order_of_ec_stack/
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If I can’t take bronkaid and caffeine at the same time, what’s better to take first?
Is it ok if I drink a lot of coffee before I take the bronkaid? Doing my first EC stack today!
[Discussion] DAE have “crooked” bones?
/u/Greeneloaf [5'5 | 112 | 18.8 | 57 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 07:50:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bzaok/dae_have_crooked_bones/
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Once I started getting small enough that you could actually see my ribs and collarbones, I noticed that they were really uneven and it’s like the left side is completely different from the right?? (I’m not sure how to add pix or else I’d show you what I mean) Like the left side of my rib cage sticks out maybe an inch further than the right and my right collarbone is curved and the left one is straight. Just wondering if anyone else is a misshapen skeleton or if I like broke my whole body as a kid and didn’t know it lol
[Rant/Rave] Theres absolutely no bad food in my house rn
/u/infernosmalls
Created: Fri Apr 13 07:32:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bz6gj/theres_absolutely_no_bad_food_in_my_house_rn/
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I'm so happy. I haven't had a binge in forever but just knowing everything is non threatening and in little quantity makes me extremely relaxed. I can't wait to move out and have complete control over what's around me. Every single day will be like this in just a few months.
[Help] I'm upset and confused
/u/Renegade_always_was [5'6 | CW 135 | UGW 115 | 21.88 | -25lbs | 20/F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 07:23:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bz47c/im_upset_and_confused/
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In the past week I have heavily restricted/fasted every day. I have been keeping my sodium levels low, and trying to stay away from pop. I have not only maintained my weight but gained. I'm so confused, all logic says that I should have at least lost water weight. I'm just so upset and its making things worse. Does anyone know why this could be happening.
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! April 13, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Apr 13 06:13:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8byo9y/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_april/
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This is the weekly picture thread for April 13, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 13, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Apr 13 06:13:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8byo90/daily_food_diary_april_13_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 13, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] April 13th, 2018 Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 06:12:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8byo3x/april_13th_2018_question_of_the_day/
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It’s Friday the 13th! ~sPoOoOoOkY~ 👻
What is your favorite thing to do on a Sunday morning?
What was your record weight loss in a day?
/u/Bbzspre
Created: Fri Apr 13 06:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bynvb/what_was_your_record_weight_loss_in_a_day/
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So, I'm trying to lose 8 pounds as fast as possible because I'm going to the beach in two weeks. How many pounds are you capable of losing in one or two days and how many calories did you consume?
[Help] Need help (body dysmorphia) How much would you say I weigh if you didn’t know how much I weighed
/u/frida569 [163 cm | 74 kg | 15 kg | female]
Created: Fri Apr 13 05:54:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bykd2/need_help_body_dysmorphia_how_much_would_you_say/
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https://i.redd.it/v64crflc0or01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I think my mom knows about my ED
/u/shharkie [61.5’’ | SW: 115 | CW:93 | BMI:17.98]
Created: Fri Apr 13 04:19:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8by3ad/i_think_my_mom_knows_about_my_ed/
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She’s stopped asking me if I want that candy bar at the store, because she knows I’ll say no. She’s stopped asking me what I had for breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. She makes comments on how good the food she made is, but she doesn’t question me when I don’t get any. I feel SO bad, I know she’s concerned about me, but I just can’t bring myself to get help for what I’m doing.
(Just wanted to rant, not planning on recovering any time soon :/ )
[Other] i'm hurting
/u/pururinmoon
Created: Fri Apr 13 02:45:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bxos2/im_hurting/
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dear, anorexia
i want to be ill again. i want to look sick, i want to look the way i feel inside.
i miss you.
i miss being tiny.
i want to starve for days and prove my self discipline.
72 pounds of anemic bones and little arms.
i hate what i've done. i'd never imagine thay i'd eat meat again. touch dairy every again... but i did.
now i am ugly and 20 pounds heavier.
my face is round and my stomach is bloated.
i miss being less of me and more of.... you.
[Rant/Rave] Asian Grocery Stores are a God Send
/u/BlackHairedBloodElf [❤💙 18.x BMI 💜 F 💚❤]
Created: Fri Apr 13 02:24:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bxlpy/asian_grocery_stores_are_a_god_send/
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I finally went to one and about died when I saw how low calorie they are. 20cal candies, mini ice creams, and the lovely 30 cal miso soup packs. They even have little 6.7oz baby sodas but I haven't tried one yet. They also have "3 in 1" 100-200 cal coffee packets with cream and sugar already in them.
For veggies, look for veg potstickers and kimchi. Kimchi is like 35cals per 100g.
Screw american food, I'm going (mostly) asian now.
[Rant/Rave] can’t stop thinking about food
/u/dyingtobepretty [5ft|94lbs|GW: 85lbs|F]
Created: Fri Apr 13 01:27:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bxddt/cant_stop_thinking_about_food/
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i felt decent today; it was sunny and i was more productive than usual. but i’ve eaten a lot of junk lately and i feel huge and it kinda ruined it.
i regret ever trying to recover. i used to use restricting as a way to cope with my fucked up head/life, but when i stopped that, i became dependent on eating. now it’s all i think about. i’ve curved the binges, but i’m still eating junk and way too many calories every day. i used to love the feeling of an empty stomach, but now, i get so hungry it’s painful and i have to eat and end it.
i planned not to eat today, but i caved when i went to my grandmas and she had hotdogs, mac n cheese, and little debbie cupcakes. i ate a very small amount of the mac n cheese, 1 hot dog and 1 cupcake, but that’s still too much. i can feel the fat on my body, it’s suffocating. yet i’m still craving a piece of the leftover pizza in the fridge.
i’m really only writing this to stop myself from eating that pizza if i’m being honest. i have a lot of reasons i need to eat as little as i possibly can.
i just broke up with my boyfriend bc i needed to work on/find myself. i have zero self confidence or love for myself, and i know my only chance of finding those things is if i’m pretty and skinny. it’s getting warm out, which is always my time to thrive. i wore shorts today and it just solidified what i already knew; i’m not going to feel good until i lose 15lbs. my favorite band of all time is coming near me in july, and i’m not going to be able to enjoy it, or probably even go, if i don’t lose this fat.
once my ex moves out, i plan to spend all my time at the gym. i just know if i got a membership now, he’d want to go with me, and i can’t even begin to describe how uncomfortable that’d make me. i’m gonna get rid of all the food in the house and replace it with diet coke, water, granola bars, and dried fruit. i’m really excited for this, i think i’ll really be able to get back into it.
it’s gonna be really depressing when he leaves but i’m gonna take a bunch of adderall and clean/redecorate my apartment and that’s gonna be super fun. my future is bright, if i can get a hold of my eating habits. i’ve been getting iced coffees before work and that keeps me from eating and gives me something to look forward to.
side note; have you guys tried the thin mint coffee at dunkin???? it’s been the only thing i’ve been able to use to replace meals lately, bc it’s just so good.
okay lmao end random little rant. please feel more than free to comment whatever you want to give me something to read/talk about and distract myself with. :)
Night time binging
/u/sarahsilverxo
Created: Fri Apr 13 01:08:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bxabl/night_time_binging/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Can't sleep it off anymore
/u/voldemortshorts
Created: Fri Apr 13 00:44:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bx6jr/cant_sleep_it_off_anymore/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] I wish I hadn’t asked for help
/u/meineschatzi
Created: Fri Apr 13 00:34:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bx4zn/i_wish_i_hadnt_asked_for_help/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Eating disorders (as explained by old, out of touch professor)
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 12 23:08:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bwqd7/eating_disorders_as_explained_by_old_out_of_touch/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] DAE feel something good while purging?
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Thu Apr 12 22:46:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bwmak/dae_feel_something_good_while_purging/
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Lately b/p makes me very nervous because of throat issues, getting caught, fear of not being able to get everything up but back when my ED was less severe i actually enjoyed purging. It felt like i was projectile vomiting/screaming my emotions out of my face and it felt good.
[Discussion] What are you favorite Thinspo movies/TV shows?
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 22:44:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bwlza/what_are_you_favorite_thinspo_moviestv_shows/
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I'm watching The Neon Demon and the arms, the thigh gaps, the beautiful skin, its all so gorgeous and inspiring.
What are your favourite Thinspo shows or movies??
[Rant/Rave] EC STACK THINGS I'VE NOTICED AFTER 4 DAYS
/u/Lowabunny2
Created: Thu Apr 12 22:39:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bwl4y/ec_stack_things_ive_noticed_after_4_days/
---
The amount of caffeine is pivotal. The caffeine intake is the main factor in whether you get increased heat rate /light headed/tweaked out/dissociation/anxiety . I felt like I was gonna die when my caffeine was too much
The more caffeine the more you will feel like those said things above (in my opinion)
Food doesn't taste as good. I feel like my taste buds don't fire off as the usually do ( less sensitive taste buds)
I don't constantly think about food. Could go the whole day without eating
Workouts are still pretty good
Ec stack I found is kinda similar to cocaine tbh
[Discussion] Where are my dykes at?
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 22:08:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bwf7p/where_are_my_dykes_at/
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Soooo I'm like pretty gay, and I think eating disorders are super prevalent in the LGBT community, for obvious reasons I guess. Dealing with rejection, trying to "fix" yourself or punish yourself, trying to look more androgynous, fighting for control, etc. So I was just wondering if there are any other gay chicks on here. Or gay boys. Or like, queer people in general lol. Just lookin for some company ☺️
[Rant/Rave] Non ED related rant
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 12 21:53:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bwc5v/non_ed_related_rant/
---
[deleted]
Anybody know calories?
/u/monstersona
Created: Thu Apr 12 21:22:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bw624/anybody_know_calories/
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I live in Sheboygan, WI, I'm supposed to be going to Harry's Diner tomorrow and I always order their french toast. Does anybody have any idea how many calories it might have? I just lost 4 pounds I dont wanna ruin my progress.
[Intro] shitty dr + frustration
/u/arabella_05
Created: Thu Apr 12 21:19:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bw5ap/shitty_dr_frustration/
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hi all i'm a lurker of this sub but finally made an alt account to post
so i have pcos which means that i have dr appointments every few months to check up on my medication and weight (i'm 5'11 and 205lbs as of rn 18f)
i've struggled with my weight my whole life and last year i managed to lose 50 lbs but i was under a lot of stress this year from uni and just in general
so i put on 30 lbs and my doctor totally grilled me for it telling me i need to lose the weight i gained and then some (my bmi is 28 rn he wants it to be 21 next time i see him or he'll be 'disappointed' and i should 'aim high' when it comes to losing) which means losing 50 lbs in the next three months
i feel like i'm just faking my issues bc i'm overweight and nobody knows how fucked up i am lol
the whole experience just makes me want to stop taking my medication (metformin) and just stop turning up to the appointments since they just make me feel terrible and huge as if i didn't feel disgusting enough
but i've restricted 900kcal/day all this week so that's a win lol
sorry for this messy intro/vent/rant but i can't talk about this w anyone else and ik you guys understand ugh this is so frustrating
[Discussion] Is anyone else's ideal body prepubescent?
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 90 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | 16 F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 21:17:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bw4ve/is_anyone_elses_ideal_body_prepubescent/
---
My ideal body type oscillates between a lanky, angular boy and a little girl, usually the latter. Despite having no background of molestation, I'm repulsed by the idea of being sexy, which is probably why the onset of puberty precipitated my ED. I've always had strange eating patterns and phobias associated with digestion and chewing, but starting to have crushes and think "impure" thoughts exacerbated my habits until they became a full-fledged eating disorder. I feel like I'm so emotionally stunted that getting a body to match my childishness is easier than growing the hell up. I even prefer talking to people older than I am because I get to feel like a sweet, polite kid. I guess I just want to be wholesome and good, if that makes any sense.
[Discussion] How has your life changed?
/u/handzies
Created: Thu Apr 12 21:13:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bw432/how_has_your_life_changed/
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My ED honestly opened so many doors for me. I used to be over weight, then I developed my ED and became a new person. I'm serious, there is a girl I met/went to in high school with who thinks we met at work. Boys from high school now know I exist and want to holla.
When I'm skinny I get free shit, people talk to me, smile, and just genrally assume good things about me. People just think I live a really healthy vegan life and work out. I make jokes and people laugh, when I was fat I was only the butt of the joke. My family tells me I have "glowed up" and they are proud.
It's a world of diffence from my fat self to this new husk everyone loves so much. It's minf bogling and I love/hate it.
Other people who have gone from over weight to "normal" or "skinny", how has your life changed?
Internal war of body image
/u/exhaustedstudent
Created: Thu Apr 12 21:13:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bw3zj/internal_war_of_body_image/
---
I definitely have BDD but also at the same time a realistic perception of my size relative to others.
I really struggle so much with going back and forth between actually preferring my body when I’m closer to a healthy weight (but still slightly under) and just feeling this sense that I want to be the thinnest person around. I guess it’s just competitiveness. Often it’s when I feel inadequate in another area and think “ok well if I can’t be the best at that at least I can be the thinnest”.
It’s so fucked up and stupid. I should just fully embrace the body I want to have, not the dumb mind tricks and games this frenemy of an ED puts in my head.
[Discussion] DAE look at r/1200 is plenty and think they are grossly under estimating the calories?
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Thu Apr 12 20:46:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bvyit/dae_look_at_r1200_is_plenty_and_think_they_are/
---
[Rant/Rave] Can’t afford treatment
/u/Greeneloaf
Created: Thu Apr 12 20:41:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bvxa6/cant_afford_treatment/
---
TW: suicide
For the first time ever I want professional help. I’ve never spoken to any medical professional about my eating disorder before so I didn’t really know where to begin. I was hospitalized once when I was 15 for a suicide attempt and ended up spending 12 days in the worst facility legally possible. Being there was very traumatizing for me and 5 years later I’m struggling to seek treatment because of it. After extensive research I found like 5 treatment centers within a 12 hour radius from me that fit all of my criteria, said on their websites that they accept most insurances and really seemed “safe” to me. A couple of them do over the phone intakes and I finally worked up the courage to call and do the first one at the Princeton center for eating disorders. I was really hopeful about that one, it seemed like a really nice facility so I called and cried and hung up. I gathered myself and called back and the lady was so sweet, she asked me quite a few questions while I cried through my answers and then we got to the question of my insurance. I have shitty barebones Medicaid essentially and the lady apologetically informed me that they don’t take out of state Medicaid. I then narrowed my search down to treatment centers within my state and made 2 more phone calls to the same avail. I’m scared that I’m either going to end up locked up in a horrible facility again or I’m going to die and I don’t know what to do. The US healthcare system is so fucking awful like I’m dying and I just want to receive help from a place that makes me feel safe and I have to live my life like this instead. I feel so defeated.
[Discussion] The Pros and Cons of the Gym
/u/ruralfishingcat [5'5 | 122 | 20.5 | - 5 | 21 F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 20:32:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bvvhu/the_pros_and_cons_of_the_gym/
---
I've been on a gym kick recently and developed a list of pros and cons.
Pros | Cons
-------------|----------
Validation | Big windows where the public can see me
Distract from self-hatred | Bloating
Justify the food from earlier | Fear of Fainting
Pain | Pain
If i'm exercising I'm not eating | Other people
| Still hate self
| Can see pizza delivery cars drive past
| Never enough
Curious how you guys weigh the benefits/costs
[Help] Has anyone here, in recovery or not, tried keto?
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Thu Apr 12 20:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bvtxc/has_anyone_here_in_recovery_or_not_tried_keto/
---
I want to try it in hopes it might curb my ED, but don't want to waste time if it doesn't work. I've heard good things about it, but was wondering if anyone here tried it and if they were recovering or not during?
Anti-Depressants Triggering ED
/u/rubber-
Created: Thu Apr 12 20:20:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bvt1p/antidepressants_triggering_ed/
---
So I’ve been on Effexor for about a year and half and I’m at 225 mg a day, which is pretty high. I’ve noticed that when I take it, I tend to relapse into my ED habits. I get hungrier less often, so I use it as a pass to starve until I HAVE to eat. Just wondering if anyone has any medication that triggers restriction or any other ED behavior?
[Goal] This is the longest I've gone restricting without binging!
/u/budqueen17 [5'6 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 20:14:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bvrqp/this_is_the_longest_ive_gone_restricting_without/
---
I've restricted for 8 days now (I'm on day 9)... and I've been restricting on and off for 3 years. I think the reason I am SO BAD at restricting is my often extremely poor impulse control. However, these past 2 weeks I have been restricting and only fucked up once, which I purged (I actually did this twice within 20 mins lmao). But I've been losing weight, I can even see it for once, and my mum told me that my stomach is flatter and my arms are skinnier! I'm just happy about this and want to keep it going. I have a good feeling this time.
[Rant/Rave] It’s my birthday
/u/anikaal
Created: Thu Apr 12 20:12:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bvr86/its_my_birthday/
---
It’s my birthday and I’ll I want to do is bp cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory
Has anyone ever tried keto and if so, how are the results??
/u/armedwithabook
Created: Thu Apr 12 19:38:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bvji8/has_anyone_ever_tried_keto_and_if_so_how_are_the/
---
I heard the keto diet does wonders for your metabolism and getting rid of fat. What's your experience with it??
[Discussion] Weight Loss after IUD Removal
/u/throwaway-soph [5'6" | 125| 20.26 | 20F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 19:17:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bvepm/weight_loss_after_iud_removal/
---
I got my IUD (skyla) out today, and was wondering if anyone has experienced weight loss after getting theirs out? I'm going completely off birth control, so there will be no extra hormones in my body. I swear that my IUD caused weight gain, since my weight went up for no reason after I got it put in, and the way I'm eating now I shouldn't be maintaining.
Maybe I'm hoping for nothing, but I'm hoping I'm right!
[Help] Laxatives advice?
/u/vulturepants [5'5 | SW: 175 | CW: still too much | GW: 120]
Created: Thu Apr 12 19:04:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bvbsb/laxatives_advice/
---
hi everyone. sorry for the random post but i'm just wondering for those of you who use laxatives, would you be willing to share which brands work for you? i've tried senokot, miralax, and dulcolax but none of them really produce the desired effect. i hope this isn't too gross but i want something that will just clean me out.
if anyone has any recommendations, preferably for something that can be bought over the counter, i would be really appreciative.
[Help] I have a question
/u/estenthecat
Created: Thu Apr 12 19:03:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bvbar/i_have_a_question/
---
I have a question for people who were considered obese when starting out. How long did it take for you to lose weight? Maybe like a timeline or something? Trying to get some more motivation and inspiration. If anyone has tips also, LMK
[Rant/Rave] I just need to not binge for 10 days
/u/eviesfuture
Created: Thu Apr 12 18:40:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bv5x3/i_just_need_to_not_binge_for_10_days/
---
God, I've been stuck in this endless cycle of eating ~maintenance calories everyday, and I hate it.
My period isn't helping, and I'm too scared to even weigh myself. In ten days, I'll have to make a speech in front of every student in my college, and I'm terrified of looking bloated. Would anyone even take lecture from a pig?
Fuck me, but I just need to not binge for 10 days. My problem isn't even meals, because I live at home and my parents cook super healthy food, but I tend to binge on snacks that normal people can just nibble on.
My plan is to avoid bringing any snacks home, and to just drink tea when I get bingey. I'm not even going high restriction, just like 900-1000 a day.
Wish me luck you guys 💖
[Discussion] DAE feel like their ED kinda ruined weed?
/u/bodybycoke
Created: Thu Apr 12 18:21:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bv1ib/dae_feel_like_their_ed_kinda_ruined_weed/
---
I tend to get kinda binge-y when I smoke and now I just kinda avoid it. It’s a bummer, because it honestly would be nice to do be able to do ~something~ socially without panicking about drinking too many calories or having to eat.
[Rant/Rave] guys i just realized this is not normal
/u/swagcat9000 [5'5" | 131 lbs | 21.8 | -37 | M |]
Created: Thu Apr 12 17:56:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8buvqb/guys_i_just_realized_this_is_not_normal/
---
i was in AP psych class yesterday and we were talking about eating disorders, and the whole class was acting so surprised and disgusted at all the things the teacher told us.
things like purging, laxative abuse, fasting, overexercising, etc...
i kind of realized for the first time that the shit i deal with and do on the daily isn't normal. other people find it shocking. if i told a normal person what my eating habits are like, they'd be like "yo what the fuck".
idk what this rant even is but i'm just kind of coming to terms with how the past year or so of my life has been disordered and the things that i do every day are screwed up to other people.
Anyone lose the ability to restrict after treatment?
/u/letstryforkarma
Created: Thu Apr 12 17:55:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8buvng/anyone_lose_the_ability_to_restrict_after/
---
To be fair, i was always bad at restricting and mainly fucked up by binging all the time. Even dietong moderately was always a challenge for me and ended in binging. Heck, even maintenance ended in binging.
But right now i can manage better than ever by eating regularly and avoiding powerful triggers. Weightlifting sometimes causes small binges.
But my point is that i hate nt body (250lbs) and really wanna lose weight so i can move on in my life.
Today i decided "fuck it. I'm gonna restrict. I need to lose as fast as possible. Ive been trapped in this fat body and i need an end to move on with life".
But naw, can't restrict anymore. My glory days of restricting are back in high school when i did it with no supplements or anything. Just pure self hatred.
What now? Accept I'm a fucking ugly fatass and continue to maintain?....
Idk wtf to do. I flunked out of treatment recently and have no support. I hate my life. All i wanna do is get attractive and move somewhere new to start life over....
[Discussion] DAE feel like they're fixated with restricting/eating because that's the definitive emotional source of meaning in their life, even though it shouldn't be?
/u/OscaraWilde [5'4" | CW 120 | SW 123 | GW 115 | UGW 110?]
Created: Thu Apr 12 17:49:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8butyt/dae_feel_like_theyre_fixated_with/
---
TBPH I'm a little drunk so sorry in advance. But I think I've realized something about myself, thanks to having started therapy recently (even if you're not ready to "recover," whatever that means to you, would highly recommend if you can find the right person, insofar as it just gives you a little more perspective on your own thought processes).
Right now, I'm not physically hungry. I ate sensibly all day, sensibly meaning a little on the low side for someone of my height, but not dangerously low; only low enough that it's going to be conducive to some weight loss (maybe 1200-1400 when my TDEE is 1700). But all day long I thought about food. And now it's the end of the day, and I'm just sitting here, and I want to eat, even though I feel physically full and perhaps even a bit overfull since I literally just finished dinner. It's like: "okay, now I'm done with my boring humdrum day, I played by all my rules and was good, and now I'm here, and... is this it?"
I don't know. I feel like I need something to look forward to at the end of the day, that I've earned, that is just happiness, and for me that is and has always been and I fear will always be food, and I can playact as a normal person during the day, but once the day is over that need for something 'more' comes out. The most fucked up part to me is that it doesn't even matter what happened during the day. It's not like my life is empty. I have a job that I enjoy and that went well today. I have friends who I saw and hung out with today. I have a loving partner who kissed me good morning today. So what gives? Why do I hit the end of the day feeling like nothing was anything and I need something more, something that really matters and that I really want, like I've been holding my breath all day and now is the time to blissfully inhale?
It feels really sad to admit that food plays that large a role in my mental and emotional life, but... well, who am I kidding?
Just wanted to rant and see if anyone else feels this way. Anyone have any tips for dealing with how deeply fucked up I am?
[Help] i dont know anything!!!!!
/u/wethink2much
Created: Thu Apr 12 17:20:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bun8n/i_dont_know_anything/
---
[removed]
[Other] *Major TW* Please read with caution. Question pertaining to ED & suicide:
/u/deadlylikesugar
Created: Thu Apr 12 17:04:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bujg0/major_tw_please_read_with_caution_question/
---
Flagged as ‘other’ bc it’s kind of ‘help’, ‘tip’ & ‘discussion’ all at once.
**WARNING: Extremely sensitive content ahead.**
Let me first start off by saying that I don’t want to hurt anyone here....I really, really don’t. I care very deeply about everyone here and I want nothing but the best for all of you. So please, only continue reading if you are absolutely certain you will not be triggered by anything of this nature.
I am just in a very dark place right now, and hoping that by reading some of your experiences, it might help me to somewhat snap out of it.
**TW** - So, here is my question: - **TW**
•
•
•
Has anyone here ever tried to commit suicide via fasting? As in, no food, no water, nothing, as a way to stop existing? I’m wondering what the experience was like, and what you went through that made it so you’re still here? (e.g. was it so painful that you changed your mind, did someone intervene, etc.)
I’m truthfully not depressed to the point where I feel like I will *actually* kill my self. I could never actually go through with the act of OD’ing or doing anything violent to myself. But... *not* doing anything just seems so... easy? I’m fucking scaring myself. Please, snap me out of this.
[Help] PLEASE HELP! ED-Barriers to treatment survey (for those who have NOT received intensive inpatient or outpatient treatment)
/u/caleyc
Created: Thu Apr 12 16:57:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8buhk2/please_help_edbarriers_to_treatment_survey_for/
---
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScaYk38_FcjVpZ9fYGWYdGY3-6a3-Gp0e6TbEp0iCLVpZWNNg/viewform?usp=sf_link
Drinks, liquids, for appetite and meals
/u/sarahsilverxo
Created: Thu Apr 12 16:36:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8buc9d/drinks_liquids_for_appetite_and_meals/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Six pound woosh!
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 16:26:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bu9uf/six_pound_woosh/
---
I'm so happy right now, I've been stuck at the same weight for like two weeks despite my best efforts (Less than 600kcal four days a week and fasting for three), and this morning I finally dropped down six whole pounds. I could actually cry, it was stressing me out so much.
[Intro] Hey guys, please accept me
/u/beaglesarebest [5'2 | 115 | GW 90]
Created: Thu Apr 12 16:22:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bu8xi/hey_guys_please_accept_me/
---
Hello
I'm nervous about posting here. I've struggled with an ED since I was 15, I'm now 21 (feeling way too old for this shit) and recently relapsed real hard after a bad break up. I hope you guys accept me as part of this community. I can relate to a lot of you and hope we can support each other here. We sure do need it <3
Awkward introduction complete.
[Rant/Rave] I just get so high!
/u/anonboi420
Created: Thu Apr 12 16:09:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bu5hz/i_just_get_so_high/
---
Hey,
It's hard not to, but I don't believe romanticizing ED's is good for anyone... but here I go doing it.
I'm just thinking about how high I get off my ED. From restricting, purging, waking up from a successful fast the day before. I've been anxious about where fat would relieve off my face, but after eating only 300cal the day before I woke up with better results than I expected. It shows me where it can go and encourages me to keep going with the restricting. I feel like it's the high keeping me from feeling faint.
Oh, but that high from feeling faint. It makes me feel like I'm floating through a dreamscape, I'm somewhat over exaggerating but there times in the day. And time... When I'm bored I think about food and it sucks cause I count the minutes that pass since I last thought of it, but other than that, time flies by, probably cause I'm not fully present, but that detachment is so relaxing. Purging feels refreshing? It really depends on the time of the day, how much and what you purged, but there have been times that I felt fresh and unbelievably alert. I dunno if anyone sings but singing while restricting is hard cause of the lack of energy, but with a good song I can get into it and feel so light headed.
combining substances w/ ed is another story. i feel like I've gone far enough here with the 'organic high' stuff...
[Help] Could I be miscalculating my TDEE & BMR?
/u/e_liz [5'7 | 143 | 22.4 | -92 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 14:21:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8btbpo/could_i_be_miscalculating_my_tdee_bmr/
---
I want to start this post off by apologizing for only ever posting about the same thing: not losing weight quickly enough. I’m sure it seems annoying but this is genuinely the main thing about these disordered eating tendencies that bothers me. It makes it worth giving into the mean thoughts in my head about not eating if I get results, if that makes any sense?
I’m 5’7, 143 pounds. I’ve lost a decent amount of weight over the last year when this all started. I recently noticed I am just not losing like I should be. Online TDEE calculators count my TDEE as ~1700 & my BMR as ~1500. I have been eating under 1,000 for the last 9 months consistently every day with only around 5 days of 1200 thrown in. Even estimating my TDEE is actually closer to 1500, I should be losing at least a pound a week and I am not. Since the beginning of this year, by conservative estimations I should have lost around 15 pounds & I haven’t even lost half of that. I count & weigh every meal, & I’m just sad.
Am I miscalculating my BMR & TDEE somehow? Is my body just a little shocked at what I’m consistently putting it through? Could it be water weight from salt or carbs? I’m trying low carb right now to see if it’s water along with lowering my calorie intake, but I’m feeling very hopeless 😞
[Rant/Rave] Nobody Knows
/u/ohlookadoggo
Created: Thu Apr 12 13:50:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bt2wf/nobody_knows/
---
Nobody knows what it’s like inside this body of mine. Showering has become quite the game of hide and go seek from the mirror.
Sex on top is strictly with the lights off.
All I do is think about food and calories.
I pinch, twist, squeeze, punch...
The fat won’t budge.
I am losing weight, so the scale says.
Two coworkers asked how much I had lost and saying 15lbs felt embarrassing.
I still have more to lose before I’m at a healthy weight for my height. And somehow everyone has something to say about it:
“You want to lose more? How much do you weigh now? You look fine!”
I tell people I’m going to keep losing until I feel happy with the way my body looks and the way clothes fit. But sadly, I know I will never be satisfied. I will always feel like a monster, hiding my deformities in oversized clothing. And nobody will ever know...
just how much I fucking hate myself.
What motivates you to restrict?
/u/jnlh93
Created: Thu Apr 12 13:45:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bt1h9/what_motivates_you_to_restrict/
---
So I've been on a binge/restrict cycle since I was 16. I remember exactly how it started - first I cut carbs, then sugar, and shortly everyone told me I was looking great. So I kept cutting. I got to 600 cals a day and was running and working out. I was almost fainting at work but I managed to lose 3 stone in two months, getting from a size UK16 to a UK12.
I maintained UK12 for a year. I would starve through the week then binge at the weekend. I would gain half a stone over those two days and lose it again over the following five.
Then I got a boyfriend, and it was seriously hard to hide the lengths I went to restrict myself. His family are large, and he introduced me to takeaways, which we didn't really have in my area. I gained two stone by the following summer, when something traumatic happened. I continued binge eating. I had to go to uni a week after the trauma occurred, and would hide in my room eating dominos and boxes of biscuits. I was incredibly sad to be away from my boyfriend, I was lonely, I didn't get along with my housemates, and I had continuous health issues which weren't being dealt with well.
By the end of that year, I was back in a UK16.
Then my mum got engaged, and the wedding motivated me. I found a ready meal I enjoyed that was easy and cheap, just 99p. I ate one of these meals a day until her wedding, losing two stone.
At the wedding, I managed to not eat the dinner but after drinking and dancing and a lot of alcohol, I binged on the cheese board. And didn't stop binging until Easter that year.
I ate my second dinner of the day - a chicken burger and cheesy chips - and got gastroenteritis. 111 sent me an ambulance who insisted on taking me the hospital because I was so dehydrated that I was close to having a heart attack. My binge eating had almost killed me. I lost a stone in a week, but my loneliness continued and I put it on again, plus more as I went into the third year of uni and was dealing with health issues and my dissertation.
After I graduated and got a full time job, I threw myself into work and weight loss. I would do 33k steps a day on 1,200 calories. I would literally feel high of how much weight I lost and how little food I was surviving on in comparison to the amount of exercise I was achieving. But this practice was damaging, and walking got more and more painful. I stopped being able to touch my heels to the ground due to muscle contractures. I was diagnosed with a mild muscular dystrophy. I had to take tramadol for the pain, which made me drowsy, so I was doing multiple shots of espresso at work to counteract it, and all that combined with the demands of the job and the restricted diet made me feel wonderful. I miss that feeling so much. I miss my active job so much.
I had to have an Achilles tendon lengthening surgery in September 2016. I gained four stone in three months. After the surgery, I found out that I had to leave my job as my muscles couldn't cope with the demand, especially now they had been sliced into and lengthened. I got an office job. I gained another half stone.
After summer 2017, something clicked and I got healthier. I was having healthy meal replacement shakes for breakfast and dinner, and a decent lunch. For the first time, I lost weight healthily and steadily.
Then I had to have an oral operation. I couldn't chew anything. The pain, probably due to my musclar dystrophy and my inability to grow normal collegen, lasted for weeks. I was eating 250-300 cals a day. Two coffees and two scrambled eggs or an avocado. The weight fell off and I lost two stone and a half in two months. I felt amazing. I could fit back into some of my old clothes.
However, my boyfriend noticed and put the pressure on eating over christmas, as did my work friends. I got booked for a second leg op, and I couldn't stop eating.
I am still in the airboot from the op, but I have gained two of the 2.5 stone I lost. I couldn't see a way out - Costa sell these amazing shortbread that I am addicted to - but we booked a holiday yesterday, finally, and it feels as though something has clicked. I've been trying to do OMAD since the beginning of April but have actually managed it over the past two days. I'm excited to cut down my food even more, and get back into my old clothes by September so that I don't have to buy new ones. This is my motivation.
4.5 months to lose 4 stone. I think I can do this. Fingers crossed for me. I told my boyfriend that I am doing OMAD, and he is skeptical, but as I cut down I will tell him that I am eating lunches at work. He will believe me because my colleague always over buys food and my dinners often consist of her leftover lunch.
Halo Top just came out over here so I have a tub of salted caramel and a 290cal brewers fayre vanilla in my freezer, just in case I get those awful, relentless craving for a sweet, indulgent treat.
Once I reach my goal, my plan is to reach out to my GP practice nurse and admit that I am trapped in a binge/starving cycle. I've moved around so much since leaving uni that no nurse has noticed, but they do comment on the weight loses/gains and how quickly they occur. Maybe then she will help me maintain.
[Rant/Rave] Officially feel out of control, purged for the first time in years after the scale went up 5 pounds eating a 900 calorie meal (I wish that was a joke)
/u/clareinthereddress
Created: Thu Apr 12 13:43:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bt10k/officially_feel_out_of_control_purged_for_the/
---
I don't even know how this is possible.
I've been fasting for 90 hours to prepare for eating out with mother in law. Eat said meal three hours ago.
Scale is up FIVE pounds from this morning. Five. From ONE meal that wasn't even a full 900 calories.
Okay, I have two scales. Must be a mistake. Nope. Somehow eating way less than five pounds of food has put five pounds on my body. How. How the fucking how.
Here I was thinking about trying to recover, get onto at least 1200 calories a day. 300 under that has put five pounds on me. How can I possibly recover now. Looks like I'm fasting for another 100+ hours this week.
Oh and to make everything better, I purged for the first time in 3+ years after seeing that gain on the scale. And it only made me lose half a pound of those five pounds. I KNOW this is water and food weight but what the actual fuck how am I ever supposed to recover if I gain five fucking pounds from a meal that is still under 1000?! I feel totally out of control, and like food is just way too scary to ever chance again.
Does anyone even know how that five pounds is even possible and how the fuck long it's gonna take to come off? I ate once :/ I haven't eaten since last Saturday night before today. Am I going to have to do that again? My ED has never acted like this before
[Other] "Grocery" shopping
/u/mildolconf [5'9" | 134.2 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 13:33:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bsy21/grocery_shopping/
---
https://i.redd.it/4uy9pgpb5jr01.jpg
[Discussion] Recovery frustrations and setbacks
/u/redtopiary [5'2 | 16.9 | 21F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 13:15:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bst5h/recovery_frustrations_and_setbacks/
---
Recently I've been trying to recover because I'm fearful of how being underweight will impact my health in the long term. I havent had my period in nearly two years. The past 7 years my life has basically revolved around this eating disorder.
Anxiety, fear, guilt, and confusion are kinda a given when you're trying to recover. I got a little better when I was 17 but relapsed two years ago. I'm so...discouraged. I feel like this eating disorder persists out of habit more so than as a coping mechanism. The past two days I've been really confused. I had my meals planned out, which I usually look forward to A LOT, but this week it's like I prepare my meal, take a bite, and don't even want it. I don't really enjoy it. I generally don't enjoy anything because I'm depressed as shit, but I've always enjoyed my little meals.
So I've been forcing myself to eat them anyway, which makes me feel all weird inside because I've conditioned myself to believe that eating when you're not hungry is a huge no. I feel like crap right now, so anxious. I feel guilty that I didn't just skip and restrict. Can anyone relate? Are there any things that are setting you all back?
ED podcasts?
/u/zaboomafu
Created: Thu Apr 12 13:01:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bspau/ed_podcasts/
---
Hi! I’m working on taking a walk every day, and I’m looking for any podcasts or podcast episodes about EDs. Thank you!
Yet another Halo Top post... Pancakes and Syrup flavour in Ontario!
/u/LiteralMangina [5’7 | 98lbs | 15.3 | -27 | F(23)]
Created: Thu Apr 12 12:53:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bsmyp/yet_another_halo_top_post_pancakes_and_syrup/
---
Only 6.99 at Fortino's, I got so excited i had to share! I saw it and my whole face lit up
EDIT: No idea how to flair on mobile
[Goal] I weigh as much as I did before giving birth
/u/TiptoeAggressiveness [5'5 | 158 lbs | BMI 26.3 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 12:50:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bsmda/i_weigh_as_much_as_i_did_before_giving_birth/
---
I have been sort of avoiding the scale and doing a lot of "oh this is the last day" for about a year now. I checked my weight today versus my journal entry from a year ago, and I realized I gained 30 pounds in the last year.
I had been down to 129 lbs 18 months after my son was born and I was SO excited... and now I weigh as much as I did the day I went to the hospital to give birth (I started near my all-time low at 118). I am about 5 pounds from my all-time high in 2010. I no longer pull a Monica and laugh about how "I used to be fat."
One of the most terrifying parts is that we have been trying for #2 again (I blame part of my weight gain on a complicated miscarriage 8 months ago), and I am terrified of gaining tons of weight. I have made, no kidding, big charts with possible weight gain based on starting point, but at this point anything feels absolutely terrifying. My mother had 10 kids, and it destroyed her body. Her highest non-pregnant BMI was 37ish between #8 and #9, and while I only want three, maybe four kids, and she probably weighs only 150 now, I *do not* want to be that way.
I have to start losing weight today. I keep telling myself when my period starts, "Well, I'm not pregnant, but at least that means I have at least 4 weeks before I have to stop trying to lose weight." ... then I proceed to eat way too much because period and disappointment.
This time I can do it. I have lost this weight before (awful thought), and I can do it again. I have to be done. My goal is to weigh no more than 130 by the time we move in mid-June. New place, new house, new people... I don't want to move and have my first impression be, "Oh she's that new fat lady." Less than 140 would work, but I really want to be less than 130 if at all possible.
[Intro] Am I on a slippery slope? [Long]
/u/expatriating
Created: Thu Apr 12 12:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bsjix/am_i_on_a_slippery_slope_long/
---
Long time listener, first time caller…
To begin with, I’m 23, 5’1” and 122lbs. I’ve always had a more or less unhealthy relationship with food. I grew up with an Atkins loving mom and always thinking I had to be on some extreme diet in order to feel thin and good about myself. I was a cheerleader until I was 18 and always had a strict diet during the season since I had to be thrown in the air. I was 110lbs during the season and about 115-118lbs off season. Still, not crazy thin for someone my height.
Fast forward to college when I was under a lot of stress and had a meal plan. Still, with the fear my mom implanted at a young age, I only gained a few pounds. Then, BOOM, bad breakup. I found my only solace in trail running and drinking. I forgot to eat for days at a time. I dropped to 108lbs, which shouldn’t look extreme, but somehow I had protruding hips, lovely, deep back dimples, and a skin-covered ladder of chest bones. I thought I looked amazing, but I was losing my fucking mind. I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t think, I pushed all my friends away, and I had no appetite. For food, social activities, work, school… Eventually, I got back together with the boy and gained back all the happy fat.
Fast forward again to now. The boy is long gone, I finished my degree, and I moved to a foreign country about a year ago. I met my now boyfriend shortly after arriving, but it’s been very, very hard to make friends. I actually don’t have any at all hah. Anyway, I got fat. I figured I would only be here for a year and I wanted to fully enjoy myself so I ate every pastry I craved, drank beer until I was uncomfortably full, ate dessert every night. Replacing a social life with calories wasn’t a great plan. After four months, I was 142lbs. I got a friend who was in the same situation as me and we consoled each other over the weight gain and tried our best to feel confident anyway and explore our new stomping grounds. Then came the comments from my boyfriend, which yeah duh, he’d seen my naked body transform into something different.
“Have you gained weight in your legs?”
“Your arms look bigger.”
“You have a belly now.”
So, I joined a gym and **fell in love** with HIIT! 4 HIIT workouts a week and a lifting session plus trail runs (thank god for that awful breakup because I fucking love trail runs). Seeing all the health freaks in my gym inspired be to give a fuck about my macros and calories and then the weight started coming off. Then, I tore my ACL in the middle of Scandinavian winter.
No more workouts, no more cycling into town, severely limited sex positions. Then, my only friend moved away. Then, I booked a trip home and realised I was terrified of my family and friends seeing my weight gain. I’ve been counting calories since October, but now, it’s getting out of hand.
First, I joined the 1200 band wagon and felt okay about it. I didn’t count with my boyfriend on the weekends and I let myself slip up if I was on my period. Yesterday, I cried because I ate 980 calories and for some reason I only wanted to eat 800. I count every single thing I eat on the weekend with my boyfriend and then fast a couple days during the week to make up for it. Today, I had crippling period cramps (copper IUD), ate at maintenance, and then cried and went on a long ass walk because it’s the only exercise I’m allowed to do. Now, my knee is in pain and I feel helpless. All I wanted was to be the same weight as when I arrived, but now I am and it’s not good enough. I feel trapped. How do I stop this before it spirals?
[Other] Even new weight becomes my goal weight
/u/PinkyOutYo
Created: Thu Apr 12 12:33:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bshh4/even_new_weight_becomes_my_goal_weight/
---
I went to Paris a few weeks ago. Drank too much, ate a whole pizza. The next day, felt hungover, ate a whole pizza.
The rest of the week, I behaved, and when I say behaved, I purged. I kept those pizzas down though.
Before I went, I'd been steady at 49.8kg, or a BMI of 17.6. Came back and I'd gone up to 50.7kg. I was horrified.
Except I shouldn't have been, because months ago, my target was 52kg. Any weight under that was a bonus. But suddenly, 50.7kg is too much. I could feel the fat spilling over my jeans, I could feel my upper arms flapping about, I couldn't see my cheekbones because they'd disappeared into the fat.
All I wanted was to get back to 49.8kg. Stepped on the scales just now and they read 48.9kg. A BMI of 17.3. I'm delighted, obviously, I've been BPing (mostly Ping) like it's my job, but now I know if I get back above 49kg I'm going to feel horrendous.
Do you ever feel thin enough?
[Rant/Rave] DAE just wanna 3D print themselves?
/u/TheGreatMastermind [5'4 | 119 | 20 | GW: 110 | 18F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 12:31:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bsh0q/dae_just_wanna_3d_print_themselves/
---
like run myself thru a scanner? and just make a life size model of myself? it could kill my body dysmorphia lmao
[Help] How do you all recover from a bad or non-ideal morning?
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 136 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 12:00:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bs8bu/how_do_you_all_recover_from_a_bad_or_nonideal/
---
I don't have an eating schedule of any kind right now. It's for multiple reasons, but the basic one is that my current life situation prevents me from being able to stick to one. That being said, I often have my first meal of the day be like half of my goal calories for the day. It stresses me out a lot because it gives me a lot less room for leeway later. How do you all recover from mornings/afternoons like this? I'm open to just about anything. Though jsyk I can't purge through vomiting or use appetite suppressant drugs other than caffeine.
[Other] The Beauty of Metamorphosis
/u/FluffyWinterCoat
Created: Thu Apr 12 11:51:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bs5vi/the_beauty_of_metamorphosis/
---
Everywhere I look, there she is.
When her hair is straight, I admire its satin sheen and bemoan my undefined waves. When her hair is golden-curly, I snub my raven-black strands of silk and delight in the thought having my very own set of cascading locks.
The mirage of her image bends and shifts, yielding to the whims of my mind. The view of her hard-earned curves fills me with contempt towards my own lack of a bouncing bottom. As she transforms once more–the peaks now gone from her cheeks–I turn green with envy for her svelte silhouette.
A Fata Morgana–her rich ebony eyes turn a sweet tawny amber. Her muscular arms now unattainably thin; her flawlessly untamed brows refashioned into angular perfection. When she is gamine, I am a horse-faced giant. When she is stunningly powerful, I am disappointingly frail. She is Metamorphosis, and I am Stagnation.
I stare for too long. She stares back.
Do I transform as well? Do I turn into a reflection of all that she is not? Are we both living in the same house of mirrors, flip-flopping endlessly in justification of self-hate?
She shifts. I shift.
We keep walking.
I see her again; she's different, and so am I.
Ec stack has me light headed and dissociative
/u/Lowabunny2
Created: Thu Apr 12 11:47:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bs4rd/ec_stack_has_me_light_headed_and_dissociative/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Husband is convinced I’m recovered enough to go on a diet
/u/ohwellolivia
Created: Thu Apr 12 11:21:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8brx50/husband_is_convinced_im_recovered_enough_to_go_on/
---
So I had lost a lot of weight. I was fasting for days at a time, restricting when I wasn’t fasting, and purging everything else. Obviously, my husband noticed. This turned into months of arguing and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I gave up and let him pick my food for a couple of months. I was still purging, but I gained about 12 lbs. I was miserable and fat and I hated myself. But I had convinced my husband that I had “recovered.” It was so convincing, in fact, that he let me go on a low carb diet, even when I told him it’s to lose 20 lbs! He was fine with it!
So I’m back to my bullshit. Hubby thinks I eat breakfast and lunch at work, but I’ve been fasting until dinner, where I eat under 300 cals of almost completely carb free foods. I’m on day 4 and I’ve never been so happy to be back. My goal is 20 lbs in 40 days do this. And I have my husbands blessing, which makes it even better!
On a side note, anyone have any yummy, low calorie, low carb recipes they would want to share?
Thanks!
[Help] Help me find the best over the counter diet pills?
/u/-teaqueen- [5'3" | 115 | 20.37 | -20 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 10:48:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8brnfn/help_me_find_the_best_over_the_counter_diet_pills/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Nervous about a friend visiting for vacation
/u/Maddreams92 [5'4 | CW:121 | 20.1 | GW: 112]
Created: Thu Apr 12 10:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8brcz3/nervous_about_a_friend_visiting_for_vacation/
---
Hello! So I’m fairly new to this sub, but I’ve been lurking here for a little bit.
My best friend is flying out to visit me tonight and is staying for four days. I live in a city that is known for amazing food and novelty dessert places. Since my second year of college (six years ago), I’ve struggled with EDNOS and go through cycles of extreme restrictiveness and then restrictiveness during the week and weekend binging, all coupled with excessive working out to compensate for any mistakes I make. When we planned this trip, I was more willing to say fuck it and just eat whatever I want, but these past two months have triggered me back into restrictiveness again and now I’m extremely afraid of eating out. I’ve been trying to stay just at or slightly over 1,000 calories a day, I’ve had to push it up lately because I’ve been working out twice a day and I worry about fainting or getting sick.
I fear I’m going to ruin this weekend for her and I promised I’d take her to all these amazing food places and I don’t know how to have fun now without constantly worrying about what I’m eating.
Sorry, just needed to vent a bit before she gets here. Does anyone have any tips for something like this? I’ve been known to freak out before with her, like obsessing over returning to an ice cream place in fear the employees would recognize us and judge us for coming back and then not even wanting to pick at what we ordered. I know she got pretty annoyed at me and I don’t want to be a negative force this weekend.
[Discussion] DAE have those weak ass purges??
/u/psychardelic
Created: Thu Apr 12 10:08:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8brc50/dae_have_those_weak_ass_purges/
---
i purge hands free but sometimes they make me feel like im not getting enough out so i have to stick my hands up there and i hate it
[Goal] Birthday wishes do come true!
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:113 |GW:100 | 21F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 10:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8brb8a/birthday_wishes_do_come_true/
---
So, yesterday was my birthday! I had two things I wanted to accomplish:
• be completely off laxatives by my birthday
• be 113 pounds on my birthday
AND I DID THEM BOTH!!! I’m so so proud of myself!!
The only thing is I traded my lax use for purging instead, so there’s not much winning there, but I’m going to try not to do that as often as I am currently. I also still managed to restrict to under 300 calories on my birthday which made me very pleased! I’m feeling so good right now! 💖
[Discussion] Me, a petty bitch
/u/hibyelxsa
Created: Thu Apr 12 09:48:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8br6lr/me_a_petty_bitch/
---
I knew this girl in high school who lost 100 lbs in a year and i decided to go look on her instagram to see if she kept it off. Its been 5 years since she lost the weight and it looks like shes gained it all back. Im awful cause i love it.
[Rant/Rave] ugh
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 151 | BMI: 25.13 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Thu Apr 12 09:46:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8br62k/ugh/
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i binged last night and definitely gained. i am not a binge eater, binging has never been a problem of mine. until about a month ago. until about a week ago i was binging almost every day. now i'm restricting very harshly, and yesterday i broke. i am so afraid to look at the scale, after all the work i've done.
[Rant/Rave] I'll always be a fat piece of shit with no self control.
/u/ricerollers
Created: Thu Apr 12 09:33:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8br2gl/ill_always_be_a_fat_piece_of_shit_with_no_self/
---
Throwaway because I can't really post here from my other account
I've always been a fat girl, in middle/high school I was bullied and I've always had horrible self esteem issues because of it. I have also always had a horrible relationship with food. When I was little, my babysitter would force me to eat even when I wasn't hungry, and I guess I carried those habits with me and started eating all the time. I've never been skinny or anywhere near it.
When I was 16 I started showing signs of bipolar disorder and dropped 50lbs by not eating and it felt *so* good. I've tried doing it again but always end up bingeing again. I fast for maybe two days and then eat like 2000 cals in one sitting. It's disgusting.
Restrict/binge/restrict/binge/restrict/binge.
I'm not even sure what the point of this post is. I'm just tired of being fat. I just wanna cut it all off. My head feels like it's spinning.
I didn't eat most of the day yesterday and felt like I was on top of the world, and as soon as I got home I dug into the cookies in the house. Ugghhh. One thing that sucks about living with a SO is i can't just tell him to stop bringing certain foods into the house. I taste one lick of sugar and it's all over for me. I don't know what to do.
Sorry for the long post. If you stuck around to read it, thanks. I just really needed to let it out somewhere.
How do you guys deal with constantly being sick? (Cold, flu, etc)
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 100 | 18.3 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 09:14:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bqx8b/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_constantly_being_sick/
---
Omg you guys - I can’t deal! I just seem to pick up infection after infection. I just got over strep and it’s been maybe two weeks and now I have a brutal chest infection. Had an awful cold for half of March and the flu right before that. I take like 8000x my DV of vitamin C and A, I wash my hands constantly, sanitize, drink immune boosting tea etc but I still pick up EVERYTHING. I’m tired of people commenting on it and telling me I need to eat more lol....is there a trick I’m missing here or is this just how it is when always restricting? (I keep it between 600-800 calories a day usually except on weekends when I’m closer to 1200 because my bf will notice if I don’t up the intake a bit....)
[Rant/Rave] I want to look sick.
/u/hypermagical20
Created: Thu Apr 12 09:05:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bqupt/i_want_to_look_sick/
---
I just want to finally look on the outside how I feel on the inside. I want someone to notice and care. I want my bf to notice that I'm changing and something must be wrong and pull his fucking nose out of his phone for two seconds to give me a hug or ask if I'm ok. I want my parents to realize what a shit deal I've gotten as the middle child trying to hold everything together so my older and younger siblings could fall apart and I wouldn't just add to the stress. I've never felt like I'm allowed to openly not be ok. I want the people who hurt me to actually see what they've done. You can tell people that they've ruined you, but if you look ok and seem happy, they probably don't care. I want them to see that I'm not ok and to feel awful and to run to me and apologize. I want to have a visible excuse for being a miserable failure at everything. I just wish it wouldn't take so long for my outside to look how my insides feel.
I've fucked around with binge/restrict cycles for years, but I'm finally just fasting and heavy restricting. I just want this bullshit to be over.
[Help] Weight plateau, help?
/u/abbywumbo
Created: Thu Apr 12 08:58:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bqsq7/weight_plateau_help/
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Hi guys, I've been lurking on this sub for awhile and figured I could reach out for some advice/support. Some background last January I weighed 145 (I'm 5'4) and I turned to vegetarianism to lose weight. It worked and I lost 20 pounds and I spent the remainder of that year fluctuating around 125. Fast forward to this year, starting the school I was still 125ish and I hated it so I took it up a notch and went vegan. Now I weigh around 118 and I can't lose anymore. I don't eat sugars (if I do it's VERY rare), meats, dairy, or any other animal products and I still can't get down to the 110 I want. I have very weak joints and muscles and so working out hurts me so that I can't sleep at night. But I'm still pretty active as I'm a waitress so I usually get around 20,000 steps a day. Any advice???
I wonder if our dogs know
/u/thelonelykitten_ [5'2 | 131 | 23.8 | -2 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 08:33:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bqlri/i_wonder_if_our_dogs_know/
---
Do you think they can tell how much we hate ourselves?
[Help] Has anyone been to Princeton ED center for recovery?
/u/Greeneloaf
Created: Thu Apr 12 08:19:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bqhx5/has_anyone_been_to_princeton_ed_center_for/
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Not sure if that’s the right flair, anyways I’m like 27% sure I want to get help and I’m just looking at treatment centers somewhat near me, I say somewhat because this one is still 13 hours away from my home but the website makes it seem like a really nice environment. Just wondering if anyone’s been treated there and what their experiences were.
[Help] Is 137.8 - 135 a passably “normal” week’s weight loss or should I fudge my numbers so I don’t arouse suspicion?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 12 08:10:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bqfn4/is_1378_135_a_passably_normal_weeks_weight_loss/
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[deleted]
[Help] Appetite suppressant that wont keep me up at night
/u/oriamB [5'6 | CW 140 | GW 120 | always fluctuating | F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 07:54:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bqbgc/appetite_suppressant_that_wont_keep_me_up_at_night/
---
I EC stack during the day and will sometimes take an additional caffeine pill if i need it....but late night binges are what really get me but i love my sleep so i dont want to EC stack or take a caffeine pill too late in the day
would caffeine free diet soda work just to bloat my stomach? any tips appreciated
[Discussion] Has anyone tried CrossFit?
/u/SummerMournings [5’2 | CW: 131 GW: 107 | 🍑 ImMakingT0ast]
Created: Thu Apr 12 07:07:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bpzy5/has_anyone_tried_crossfit/
---
I broke down to my bf last night about how I’m really struggling to lose, and I told him how this was effecting my self esteem and how I NEED to lose weight before July 4th, because I’m going on vacation with a group of friends and right now I’m the fattest one. I can’t be the fat friend, it will literally ruin the vacation for me. I didn’t tell him about the extent of how disordered I’ve become like b/p or fasting, etc but does know I’m “restricting my calories” and that I feel guilty about eating too much. He was concerned and wants me to reach my goal.
He suggested CrossFit. Right now I go to the gym about 4 times a week and do cardio for ~45min. I also walk my dog almost every night for an hour. These two things supposedly burn 300+ cals a day but idk about that cause I’m not losing as fast as I should be if I’m only eating ~850 a day and burning 300.
But anyway... has anyone done CrossFit or another intense exercise program like P90X while trying to restrict? I know it burns a good amount of calories and I would love to build a little muscle and get stronger. I think I could handle eating a little more if it helped my workouts and didn’t make me gain, like maybe adding a protein shake or two to my regular eating habits but I don’t think I’m ready to eat more than that, mentally. I want to be able to at some point.
Anyway would love thoughts :)
[Goal] Nailed the grocery shopping
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍉5'5|112|GW:105🍌]
Created: Thu Apr 12 06:49:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bpvtp/nailed_the_grocery_shopping/
---
I am so proud of myself y'all. I always buy too much and have been avoiding the grocery store for the past month. I cleaned my pantry of all binge-foods, and I went to Wal-mart last night and did not buy a single risky item! Everything was pretty low-cal, and I avoided all my temptations.
I wanted to post a grocery haul pic but my roommates were in the kitchen area and I didn't want to alert suspicion. I am so happy I have safe, tasty food in the house :))
[Discussion] April 10th - 12th Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 06:46:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bpv46/april_10th_12th_question_of_the_day/
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10th: What chore did you ignore today?
11th: What sound effect are you most like today?
12th: What fact did you recently learn?
[Help] Face tingling/twitching?
/u/NoMindNeverMatter
Created: Thu Apr 12 06:38:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bptcv/face_tinglingtwitching/
---
What is this? Potassium deficiency? Magnesium?
I restrict about 350 max and fast often. Binge occasionally. I try to put some No Salt (potassium) in my water every day if I remember. Does anyone else experience face/chest numbness/tingles?
[Discussion] DAE live off of attention?
/u/caffeinewitch
Created: Thu Apr 12 06:20:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bppeq/dae_live_off_of_attention/
---
I made a throwaway for this because I'm too embarrassed to talk about it on main. Basically whenever there is someone in my life that I'm interested in, my motivation to restrict is over the roof. A while ago I've met this guy who's basically perfect (I know, I know) and whenever he says something nice to me, I feel like I could fast for days without issues. So far I've somehow kept it together and only did low restriction, but man is it hard.
On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that when we eventually hit a rough spot, it'll send me down an awful binge spiral. So what do I do? Find someone else and let the cycle continue. :)))
Why am I like this.
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 12 06:19:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bppb1/daily_food_diary_april_12_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 12, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support April 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 12 06:11:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bpnr6/weekly_emotional_support_april_12_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Allow myself to introduce myself
/u/rae_all_dae
Created: Thu Apr 12 04:18:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bp30t/allow_myself_to_introduce_myself/
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I’m new here, been skulking around for the last week or so. I’m on mobile so I’m not sure how to tag my post, but I finally made a side account so I can join in without anyone finding out that I have... issues.
I’m a borderline alcoholic that is stuck in a cycle of hardcore binging, then heavily restricting, and finally b/p once I get to the height of my stupid bullshit. I hate it. I hate what I do to myself. Especially since I let myself get fat again but as soon as I show some real progress I’m back on the binge train again.
I’m glad I found you guys, it makes me feel like I’m not so alone. I can’t talk about this stuff with anyone else, they just don’t get it.
BTW I’m a woman in my 30’s, 5’10” and 153.6 lbs of squishy, lazy excuses. My short term goal is to get back to 140. My end game is 130 so I’m just barely in the healthy weight range and no one can say boo about my lanky ass not being big enough. I miss being self righteously skinny.
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/rave] yes I would like to return the recovery I worked for? All it did was make me fat
/u/kittencatmeows1
Created: Thu Apr 12 04:10:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bp1mt/rantrave_yes_i_would_like_to_return_the_recovery/
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I have(had) idk an eating disorder. Started with just flat out being poor and not having food and then morphed into a control thing. I used to be so thin! And now... Im not.
I went on antipsychotics and despite everyone telling me it would help it made EVERYTHING worse. I am hungry all the time, and all of my counting and structure has fallen apart. I went to tbe doctor last week... 173. 1!7!3!
Unacceptable. My healthy weight is 130 and two years ago I was 115 trying for 100.
Im so disgusted in my weekness.. I feel so betrayed by everyone who said this path would help my mental bealth. I still have the edvoice in my head counting calories and serving sizes and judging me for putting anything in my mouth, but now I dont habe anything to show for it! I dont have the comfort of my collarbones, i cant wrap my hands around anything on my body.. Except my wrists. But those have gotten bigger too!
I dont see the point in wasting time and energy trying to be healthy. I can lose weight and keep it off easier when I work WITH the ed and not against it.
No one notices qhat I do/eat anymore. They see my disgustingly fat body and reassure themselfes that I am better now, they give a little pat on the back fir there help in forcing me to "recover".
Im more miserable than ever.. Eating more food hasn't helped me or my body at all. I am done fighting against my brain.. I have decided to let the dog of the leash. Started to restrict and if it doesnt feel like being home idk what does...
Goalweight 100!
[Rant/Rave] delusional beliefs creeping in (RANT)
/u/worthitnotworthit
Created: Thu Apr 12 03:26:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bouvi/delusional_beliefs_creeping_in_rant/
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throwaway bc my main has identifying information on it and i don't know which of my friends browses this sub.
so i'm a long-time lurker here, posted a few times under various throwaways. I'm 5'7" and closing in on 160lbs - swing between restriction and binging and purging but on a good restriction kick for the last week that i am determined to make last. unfortunately i work in a fast food place and the guys i work with are really sweet and friendly-bully me into eating with them if they notice i've gone more than eight hours without eating, which means i have to essentially not eat while at home (where my (uber-thin) sister knows i struggle with food).
the impetus? around christmas i broke up with my boyfriend. it was a mutual situation, we're still fantastic friends, but now he's with a much thinner classmate when before me he would have gone for slightly heavier girls - i'm very much "his type", i would say fat and he would say curvy. that was a nasty blow to the ego, but i talked things through with him and came out of the situation with my self-esteem damaged but not totally obliterated.
part of the reason we broke up is that i was pretty sure i still had feelings for a guy i had briefly dated before him, who had then gone on to be pretty much my closest friend. those feelings have only gotten a lot stronger but he has told me they are unrequited. that's chill - no one is obligated to reciprocate emotions like that, right?
i chose a bad time to tell him, i admit - he had just found out the (very thin) girl he had been seeing was cheating on her bf with him. he didn't reject me outright, just said he didn't see himself in a place to start a relationship. i'm now realising he just said that to be nice, bc over the vacation i felt like i was bothering him any time i tried to talk to him. then i realised his snap stories are showing he's struck up something with another (very thin) girl while on midterm break. i had to take a step back - the poor guy has no idea why i've become distant but i love him deeply as a friend and don't want to fuck up our friendship until i get my jealousy and resentment under control. he's never been one to use social media, usually just sends blank snaps to keep our streak, etc., but now he's been reaching out a lot more and i just don't think i can see him right now.
so now i'm stuck with these delusional thoughts that he liked me once, at a lesser weight, and we really do click on a platonic level so if i just get thinner everything will be ok. everyone moves on from me to thinner people. i always like people more than they like me, but that's just bc i'm fat and desperate. i just need to get to my goal weight, thinner than the girl that broke his heart, than his current gf, than the ex's girl. he knows i have fucked up eating, not the extent of it, but since i confided in some of my close female friends they try to call me out when they notice a binge or restriction beginning (most of them have experience with ed) and he has picked up the habit out of concern, but at the same time i know he must wonder why my friends bother bc i clearly haven't been getting any thinner. i feel like a failure. i need to do better. but that feels so fraudulent, like i'm only doing this to get a guy's attention so it's not a real ed. but i've been struggling with this eating for 4 years, long before i met him, so surely it must be real?
i just honestly don't really know what to do, haha. just needed to get this out. i've gone from 164 to 157 over the past four days but obviously the first few days of a restriction are the best. I want to get down to about 110 by summer break (optimistic) or by next october (maybe more realistic but agonizingly slow), which i know is setting myself up to fail. But that's when my friend, my ex and I will be moving in with the aforementioned cheating gf (yeah i know) and while i can't compete with her for beauty i'll be damned if i don't look thinner than her.
advice appreciated x
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like their ED puts them out of touch with that's normal?
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Thu Apr 12 03:25:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8boutk/dae_feel_like_their_ed_puts_them_out_of_touch/
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Like that is "normal" eating and what isn't?
I worked a shift with some close friends tonight. One friend brought in a bunch of chips and queso to help us through a tough night. I then bought dinner from Red Robin to help.
So my breakfast before my nap was a hard-boiled egg and a turkey burger (cooked in water; no added oils/fats for me thanks). Over the 6 hour shift, I had about 20-30 chips (overestimating because you know how it is) with queso. I then gave half of my tenders and fries away to someone who let me bum a smoke. So I had about 3 tenders and maybe 20 fries. I then went to the bar and had technically 4 shots of whiskey without about a can to 1.5 cans of Coke. I then came home and had one of those tiny bags of Cheetos hot fries.
I feel like this is probably normal eating for a normal person. But it feels like so much. Does anyone else feel like their ED puts them out of touch with what normal people eat? Idk, I never pass judgment on others for what they eat, EVER, no matter what size they are because my problem is with me. Honestly, I find beauty in everyone, no matter what, except for myself. And I feel like a lot of people think everyone, especially girls, with ED's are all judgy bitches and that just hasn't really been true for me.
But does anyone else feel this?
[Discussion] Does anyone cook a ton of food and then not eat it?
/u/Zoombinis [24 F | 5'8" (172 cm) | CW: 122 lbs (55.33 kg) | GW: Flat belly]
Created: Thu Apr 12 03:04:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8borpp/does_anyone_cook_a_ton_of_food_and_then_not_eat_it/
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This happens to me basically every day. On weekends I take Vyvanse when I am ready to "start" the day and be productive, and on weekdays I take it when I'm getting to the end of classes/work for the day so I can continue to be productive at home. This typically results in me taking it while I'm hungry, but it kicking in before my food is ready to eat.
It's formed this silly routine of me cooking all this delicious food, snapping it, instagramming it, sharing my recipes... and then throwing the majority of it away, and now it happens with or without vyvanse. I kinda like it. I get to eat vicariously through my food's social media presence lol
[Rant/Rave] 🙋🏻♀️ feeling fat and bloated today
/u/txhsu
Created: Thu Apr 12 01:50:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bogv6/feeling_fat_and_bloated_today/
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Some days are good, most days are bad. I’m looking forward to the day where my mood isn’t dependent on how I feel about my body that day.
I'm officially underweight.
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | UGW: 93 | -16| F]
Created: Thu Apr 12 01:42:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bofkc/im_officially_underweight/
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Holy fuck. I'll change my flair next week just in case it doesn't stick.
I don't know what to say or think or feel. This is what I've been working for. I can see almost all of my ribs. Collarbones, hipbones, 3/4 inch thigh gap, my fingers have always been long, but now they're absolutely spindly... Damn. I really fucking did it. And in only nine weeks.
I've surpassed my strictest expectations. I expected to be 105 by May, well look who breezed right past that.
I'd feel fantastic about all this except that my chest has been doing horrifying things and I'm gonna go to urgent care about it as soon as it opens. Pray for me. My BMI might only be 18.5, but I'm kinda scared.
[Help] I haven't eaten in five days, how can I sustain this?
/u/Prince_AlbertWotWot
Created: Thu Apr 12 01:20:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8boca4/i_havent_eaten_in_five_days_how_can_i_sustain_this/
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I'm a busy mum with two little kids. The last five days I have had nothing but coffee and cigarettes and as much as I want to never eat again I will have to at some point. How do I eat in order to only have the absolute bare minimum?
[Rant/Rave] Terrified that nothing stops me from purging
/u/greenlegsnham
Created: Wed Apr 11 23:43:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bnwfw/terrified_that_nothing_stops_me_from_purging/
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Two nights ago I either tore my esophagus or broke a blood vessel while purging and ended up seeing blood. Still fucking finished. Next morning I wake up and it fucking kills, AND I got strep throat that day. My throat feels like the chainsaw massacre happened and I STILL fucking purged twice today. I hate how much I’ve normalized it and I hate that I still go through with it even when I honestly feel fucking terrified of the potential effects and have to check for blood in every heave. It makes me feel like I’ll never be able to get better. To top it all off I don’t even know if my antibiotic stayed down tonight :-)))))
[Rant/Rave] Everybody's Fucking Business
/u/ManicPixieBallerina
Created: Wed Apr 11 22:48:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bnmq4/everybodys_fucking_business/
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Hi, LTL, FTP, brand new throwaway, yippie. Been dealing with this since I was 14 and everybody kept insisting I was anorexic, so I actually developed an eating disorder. Im 21 now and if I spend too long at a mirror, I cry. Which makes life so much fun, doesn't it? I started beauty school a few months ago, and I really just can't take it anymore. Just leave me the fuck alone about food, okay? It's not that hard. I'm not here to have every aspect of me nitpicked to infinity. I've entirely given up on eating lunch. Big breakfast. I'm on a medication that supresses my appetite. I'll eat when I get home. All started when I'd bring something small (granola bars are a safe food, and can keep me going throughout the day) and I'd get those damn comments. "Bet I'd look like you if I ate like that, but I like fried chicken too much. Tehe." Just stop. I don't want the comments on my eating habits.
[Rant/Rave] Crying in a bar now
/u/cuttoarose
Created: Wed Apr 11 22:41:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bnlgi/crying_in_a_bar_now/
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I’m crying because I can’t drink here like everyone else and just forget this mess. And because I’m starving and I’m too much of a pussy to tell anyone or take care of it. I just wish I could drink and eat like everyone else. I wish I could ask to go get food. Also someone said I looked tired like I had one eye open and I wasn’t tired...just kind of bad looking.
At least I had a really good workout today.
Time to pussy up and get out of this bathroom.
Mobile flair...rant
How do you manage to function at work?
/u/IPreferItNotToBe
Created: Wed Apr 11 22:41:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bnldo/how_do_you_manage_to_function_at_work/
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To those of you who work pretty labor-intensive jobs, how do you do it?? I’m a waitress and I’m also a barista at Starbucks and because of the mental fog/constant confusion and lack of coordination I️ mess up drinks and orders at the restaurant ALL the time. My jobs are both very fast-paced. Sometimes I can’t even remember if I put in the order at all or don’t have the energy to talk when I’m not required to. Other times I feel like i’m going to faint. How do you guys do it, how do you stay functioning? Working is a serious struggle right now and I’m not even losing weight. I can’t focus
[Help] "Bingeing" and Inability to Purge
/u/bokoblin-buddy
Created: Wed Apr 11 22:39:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bnl47/bingeing_and_inability_to_purge/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Bulimia logic: finance edition
/u/crazeecatladee [5'5 | CW: 125lbs | GW: 130lbs (trying to gain muscle) | 28F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 22:39:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bnl3j/bulimia_logic_finance_edition/
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*Me this afternoon while researching cities to visit during my backpacking trip later this year:*
Ooooh I’ve always wanted to go to Croatia... but hmm, it looks like hostels are like $8/night more there than they are in the surrounding countries... as much as it sucks, I should probably be financially prudent and visit a cheaper country.
*Me tonight after skipping my workout in favor of a 4-hour, multi-restaurant binge:*
Let’s see, I spent $57 at Restaurant 1, $72 at Restaurant 2, $20 for dessert cupcakes... but I just purged all of it so I’ma swing by Dunkin’ Donuts and buy a dozen doughnuts for binge #2.
LOGIC AMIRITE? 🙃
[Rant/Rave] I feel so sad whenever someone tells me I need help or what I’m doing isn’t normal
/u/TheGreatMastermind [5'4 | 119 | 20 | GW: 110 | 18F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 22:36:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bnkge/i_feel_so_sad_whenever_someone_tells_me_i_need/
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I know it’s not but I can’t change it... or at least I don’t have the mental fortitude to
I know it’s not normal. Me buying food to throw up is not normal. Me buying candy to rip apart and flush down the toilet, unchewed isn’t normal. I hate my body I just wanna be pretty n shit like I hate what I’m doing to it but it’s my crutch...
My habits aren’t normal, so when I say I wanna go on a fast so I can start eating again in an organized way, ofc that isn’t normal either. I fuckin hate myself why am I like this if I keep doing this I’m going to make everyone leave me and I’m gonna end up killing my self aghhh
I told my bf today about this and bless his lil soul he said he was “worried, but supportive, but golly gee you should see a doc.” I don’t wanna talk to a doctor my eating habits are so embarrassing that I feel like the doctor would make fun of me and say “oh that’s why you’re fat... she eats like shit” idk man I just wanted to tell my bf bc I didn’t wanna be all sneaky with him and I didn’t want to lie to him about food. I wanted him to know what I was doing....
God I feel so gross. I didn’t do anything except eat, purge, and then spend money to get fat and then throw out money in the toilet.
[Rant/Rave] TW: Just tried to purge for the first time. Failed. Feel awful :(
/u/CeladonDust [5'0 | CW: 56.0kg | GW: 50kg | BMI: 24.7 | -10.4kg | 22F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 22:27:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bnix7/tw_just_tried_to_purge_for_the_first_time_failed/
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I feel like sure shit right now. I've been eating too much, lots of birthdays and stuff and no one knows and I want to keep it that way. So eating.
Had a dominos binge tonight and felt so FULL and disgusting and in pain. Like I was going to burst.
So I said fuck it and tried to purge. It didn't fucking work. And I tried for over half and hour. Don't want to got too graphic and triggering but I REALLY REALLY tried. I google tips, didn't work.
So now my eyes are really red, I'm covered in snot and spit. I definitely cut my throat. I spat out some blood. It hurts. I'm really really shaky and I still feel full and in pain and I'm going to get so fucking fat.
Plus I'm a fucking failure. I can't even have a fucking eating disorder right. Fuck. Sorry.
Laxatives and reduction
/u/sarahsilverxo
Created: Wed Apr 11 22:08:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bnf9q/laxatives_and_reduction/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Prep a midnight snack and cocktail you don't need. Fight with SO. Lose appetite & C/S instead! :D
/u/variousnecessities7 [5'4" F|CW 136|SW 145]
Created: Wed Apr 11 22:08:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bnf6y/prep_a_midnight_snack_and_cocktail_you_dont_need/
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SO EASY OMG JUST SUCH AN EASY DIET
THIS ONE COOL TRICK
DIETICIANS HATE HER
Lol okay but off the sarcasm, I restricted heavily to budget for a nice dinner tonight. Dinner went great - I felt pretty good about it. But several hours later I'm a little buzzed from a couple beers and let that freedom carry me to the natural decision to make a small snack since I'm a little hungry.
FORTUNATELY I got in a tiff with my SO and started C/Sing that snack while we were on the phone! :D Doing the same (maybe now chew but "swish" with my two cocktails now).
Fuuuucking cheers. Fu.cking. cheers.
[Help] What Do You Guys Do To Exercise?
/u/bpdix
Created: Wed Apr 11 22:03:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bne4w/what_do_you_guys_do_to_exercise/
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I'm looking for things preferably light to do that can be an extra burn while I'm fasting, right now I do jump rope in place and then sit ups if I've eaten a good amount (maybe on binge days) and my muscles can handle the energy
Also how do you motivate yourself to get up to do it lol? I'm always like I *could* exercise or I could just sit here and fast for a few extra hours instead ,,,,, it's definitely not that I'm lazy, I want to exercise, it just feels so boring like I have nothing to keep my mind busy while I'm trying to keep my body busy
[Discussion] thoughts on donating blood
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 11 21:43:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bna8x/thoughts_on_donating_blood/
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[deleted]
Overate at dinner
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 11 21:36:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bn8og/overate_at_dinner/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bn8og/overate_at_dinner/
[Rant/Rave] Safe food lol
/u/ZOMGROFLCOPTER [170CM | 64KG CW | 55KG GW | 47KG LW | 🍑 = zomgroflcopter]
Created: Wed Apr 11 21:34:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bn8gh/safe_food_lol/
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[removed]
anyone have kids?
/u/mayaswellhell
Created: Wed Apr 11 21:28:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bn73l/anyone_have_kids/
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I was healthy through pregnancy and definitely thought it was the end of my ED. I gained weight because a beautiful life depended on it. My post baby body was curvy and I told myself it looked good. I stayed healthy so I could breastfeed. Now I'm losing the weight and weaning my baby from nursing and, surprise, surprise no longer have a reason to eat. My husband is impressed with my weight loss and encouraging me to lose weight. I haven't weighed myself since pregnancy because I know if I see that I'm 130+ I'll die inside. I ate a big dinner tonight for the first time in a few days and I feel like garbage. It's all coming back to me, I just want to be an empty pit.
Made it almost 24 hours & realized something
/u/fatpiggybelly
Created: Wed Apr 11 21:25:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bn6l3/made_it_almost_24_hours_realized_something/
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(Preface: Just so nobody thinks my food is weird, I do keto because fat loss is my goal, not weight loss.)
Last “full” meal was dinner yesterday, a chicken thigh and some salad. While I had two pork rinds today, I also drank a ton of black coffee and water. I made it just shy of 24 hours without a full meal, but I started feeling faint and decided I should eat.
Took myself to get wings and ordered a medium combo (so 8 wings, celery sticks, ranch dressing, and Coke Zero). I just left the restaurant way too full... I ate quickly and my stomach is yelling at me for it. I kept thinking, “I should have gotten the small, why did I order this much...”
And that’s when it hit me. My new mantra.
“If you want to be small, you should order a small.”
So from now on, if my food has significant calories and comes in sizes, I’m getting a small.
[Rant/Rave] Judgy McJudgerson
/u/GreigeSwan [5'5 | 117 | 19.5 |]
Created: Wed Apr 11 21:18:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bn52g/judgy_mcjudgerson/
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I cannot stand that I have these thoughts, but I hope I am not alone.
I really like to be nice to people, I hate hurting people's feelings.
I don't think of others as fat when I would hate myself for being the same way. I don't think others who are bigger than me look bad but I'm always too big. I think people are beautiful the way they are for the most part, but I am never that kind to myself.
But the gym instagrams. Oh, lordy, the Instas.
It makes me so angry when I have been struggling with never letting myself go over a specific weight, always trying to lose, I haven't changed my pants size up for over ten years, and I still feel like I don't deserve to enjoy my food and then I see my friends posting photos of themselves beaming in front of the gym mirror, showing off their stomachs, posting what they ate, how much they lost, and I just want to smash that mirror and my scale. I know, they started off at a higher weight and if it weren't for my dysmorphia perhaps I could see that they're still larger than me.
But it feels like they're rubbing it in. Part of me wants to shout, "well, it's not my fault you ate poorly and never worked out before", because now they're all humble bragging that they work out and eat this and that when I've been counting my calories/fat/carbs/ since I was ten. Like big congrats guys.
And I can't stand when they say how much they've lost. Like, I am hungry all week and force myself to workout and walk home from work and they suddenly decided not to eat a gigantic portion for every meal and jog and they lose tens of pounds?
I feel so petty for this rant. Maybe if I didn't feel so ashamed of myself I'd post my own instagram pic. Like...sure, Janet, I'll take your #WillPower post and up you one starving myself for two decades and spitting my food in the trash.
As I type this one of those types of posts scrolled by and they all look so happy and proud and it kills me in a very sad way.
I feel like a bitter jerk looking into a funhouse mirror.
I sincerely hope this does not come across as fat shaming or anything like that.
[Rant/Rave] Unbelievable pig out for 293 calories but i'm still feeling guilty
/u/carlisam9797 [5'2" 19F | CW 119 | SW 130 | GW 105 | UGW 99]
Created: Wed Apr 11 21:14:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bn48v/unbelievable_pig_out_for_293_calories_but_im/
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1 Zucchini (78 calories, i even weighed it at the store) chopped into rounds, 113 calories worth of fat free mozzarella, 40 calories of pizza sauce tossed in the oven for 20 minutes = a MASSIVE and insanely good zucchini "pizza" courtesy of /r/1200isplenty ........but I still can't enjoy it. I know its less than 300 calories and I have only eaten 190 today but I still feel like enjoying food will somehow find a way to make me fat. I'm tempted to throw it up but feel utterly ridiculous. I've had a 500 calorie day!! jesus.
[Rant/Rave] white-knuckling it through binge urges
/u/gogobingegadget
Created: Wed Apr 11 21:04:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bn20e/whiteknuckling_it_through_binge_urges/
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Today has been rough.
I set out with a 1200 calorie budget for the day, and then after an early morning snack and too much peanutbutter and dates in my oatmeal, I was up to 1006 before noon. I hate these days.
To top it off, I learned that a potential job Id been waiting to hear back from is not going to hire me. My mind immediately wandered to the bag of tortilla chips lurking in my pantry. After some mental gymnastics, I had my filthy paws deep in that chip bag.
So now Ive eaten an estimated total of 3500 calories for the day. Im displeased, to say the least.
My binge-brain has been whispering sweet nothings about oreos and icecream in my ear ever since. Ive twice (twice!) gotten ready to go to the store and buy binge food, only to take a breath and talk myself out of it by some miracle.
Instead, I came to the realization that I could offset this binge in the coming couple of days, and be alright. Im now off to the gym for an hour, and then the following days Ill be reducing my intake and working out until Ive burned off the extra calories.
Im just glad to not be laying in bed next to empty food wrappers and crumbs, feeling disgusting, painfully bloated, and helpless. Im going to try not to consider today a failure, because it really could be much worse.
[Other] My Boyfriend Just Told Me He Wishes He had an Eating Disorder
/u/Just-That-Other-Guy [5'11" | CW: 146 lbs | BMI: 20.4 | SW: 230 lbs | -84 lbs]
Created: Wed Apr 11 20:50:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bmz01/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_he_wishes_he_had_an/
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I tried to tell him he really doesn't. He says he sees what I go through and he hates being fat and this doesn't seem like such a bad deal to be skinny. I've been on the opposite end of the scale. I was fatter than he is now. I'd still much rather be fat and not disordered than live through this hell of fear foods and obsession and control issues and paranoia of if the calories are really what's listed and fear of carbs and flour and everything else. I tried to explain to him there's a whole mental side to this he doesn't see and has no idea about but he doesn't get it.
I've been trying really hard to recover and this is triggering me hard. I feel like my issues aren't bad enough if he sees everything I go through and still thinks it's better than not being disordered just because you lose some weight.
[Rant/Rave] Depression sucks
/u/Neshamizz
Created: Wed Apr 11 20:44:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bmxed/depression_sucks/
---
I hate my depression so freaking much.
But I’m even apathetic about that, I’m so blah and unmotivated and unexcited and unupset(I know that’s not actually a word).
I know it’s partially because of work stress, partially because of weight plateau, partially because of binging, partially because of my health. I know all the reasons and I know how to fix them, but the depression makes it difficult to even want to.
It’s a sick little cycle of knowing the causes, but not seeing the point in doing anything because in a few days/weeks/months I’ll be right back where I am now.
[Other] Me like two hours ago
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 11 20:37:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bmvvl/me_like_two_hours_ago/
---
https://i.redd.it/tfefq7j44er01.jpg
[Tip] Dont mean to get qnyone into amything buuut
/u/beatrizpardo
Created: Wed Apr 11 20:35:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bmvf5/dont_mean_to_get_qnyone_into_amything_buuut/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] I can't
/u/candidzigs
Created: Wed Apr 11 20:26:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bmtbq/i_cant/
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[removed]
[Tip] 1 fat + 78 Oxygen → 55 Carbon dioxide + 52 water
/u/lead-by-example [m32 6’0 185 gw178]
Created: Wed Apr 11 20:22:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bmsgu/1_fat_78_oxygen_55_carbon_dioxide_52_water/
---
C^(55)H^(104)O^6 + 78 O^2 → 55 CO^2 + 52 H^(2)O
So yeah if you weigh less in the am its bc you exhaled your fat. Science!
[Other] Scared fiance by truth joking about constantly thinking about purging etc.
/u/megangigilyn
Created: Wed Apr 11 20:18:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bmrmi/scared_fiance_by_truth_joking_about_constantly/
---
Fiance knows I have eating issues (depressive anorexic tendencies with portion control issues) and am overweight. Currently working with a nutritionist and going to the gym 5 days a week.
Today was joking how I wish I could eat pasta without feeling like I needed to purge or buy laxatives (pasta, which we had today, is one of my foods that I crave but get depressed after eating) and he was shocked. I played it off but he insists it isn't normal.
I just wish people would understand that a lot of disordered eating behaviors go together, and just because I don't have bulimia doesn't mean I don't have those thoughts. You know?
Oh well. Not sure if this is appropriate to post here. But wanted to share.
Also! Pressure when you're getting married to look skinny is real and i want to die.
[Rant/Rave] "Everything's great as long as I'm getting thinner."
/u/sadbucket [5'5" | CW ??? | GW1 110 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 19:45:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bmk15/everythings_great_as_long_as_im_getting_thinner/
---
This silly little line from an old Lily Allen song is so much more than just that to me. It's become somewhat of a mantra for me, as clichéd and ~pro-ana~ it is in nature.
My boyfriend and I had a small argument on the phone just now. Our first in months. I tried to end the conversation on a positive note but he wasn't having it.
Usually I'd be anxiety-ridden but honestly? I'm focused on how proud of myself I am for my ongoing restriction streak. I'm getting to my (first) goal weight quickly. Everything's coooooool. Thanks for the illusion of control, ED!
[Rant/Rave] Fuck my fat arms.
/u/plaidpeonies [5’2” | CBMI: 22.5 | GBMI1: 21 | 22F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 19:30:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bmgf0/fuck_my_fat_arms/
---
That is all.
[Rant/Rave] Girl Scout Cookies (a rant)
/u/fernsandfoxes [5’6”|CW:113|BMI:18.31|GW:100|18F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 19:01:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bm9lb/girl_scout_cookies_a_rant/
---
Why are there so many calories in Girl Scout cookies? Why do I feel like crying because I had one? Why am I the way I am? My roommate gave me a peanut butter patty because I just found out they’re vegan and I wanted to try one. I looked up the calories and OH LORD HOW ARE THERE 80 CALORIES IN ONE COOKIE THEY ARE LITERALLY SO SMALL?!?! I even broke it in half and it was the first thing I’ve eaten in three days but my brain keeps telling me I shouldn’t have broken my fast, I should’ve done better, I don’t “deserve” a cookie no matter how small it is. I know I’m being absolutely ridiculous but I can’t stop the thoughts. How have I gotten to the point where a damn Girl Scout cookie is making me break down?? Fuck this eating disorder.
Edit: a word
[Discussion] Bronkaid/Ec stacking vs caffine pills?
/u/finnkat [5'3" | 94 lb | 19F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 18:43:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bm5i1/bronkaidec_stacking_vs_caffine_pills/
---
I've seen people use both of these for weight loss and was wondering what you guys thought was better? What would you say are the pros and cons to each, or do you recommend them together? I don't know too much about ec stacking, so this may be a silly question but is there a chance of ec stacking messing with prescription medications?
[Rant/Rave] Scale went 196 on sunday to 183 today
/u/lead-by-example [m32 6’0 185 gw178]
Created: Wed Apr 11 18:40:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bm4qp/scale_went_196_on_sunday_to_183_today/
---
I was coming off of a binge and ran 20 miles to sweat it out. Fucking human bodies are dumb
I am going insane.
/u/sunflower-girl- [5'6.5 // 119 // GW 105]
Created: Wed Apr 11 18:37:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bm44s/i_am_going_insane/
---
I fucking hate this.
Fasting for 3 days, only to binge on 5300 calories and not gain or lose a pound. Over and over again. I'm tired of not seeing results when this disorder already makes me so miserable. I'm disgusting. I have no self control.
I swear to god. By June 1st, I'll be 103 lbs. And then I'll leave behind this disorder forever. Forget it ever fucking happened much less consumed my life for 3 years
[Rant/Rave] Can I get a virtual hug? Gained 6 pounds in a week and my life is a mess overall right now
/u/misspennyfoolish
Created: Wed Apr 11 18:31:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bm2to/can_i_get_a_virtual_hug_gained_6_pounds_in_a_week/
---
I’m freaking out. I went on a trip to visit old college friends and I got back to not only find out that I was waitlisted at my safety law school but that I somehow gained 6 lbs in 7 days.
Goddamnit, I thought I’d be fine not counting MFP for a few days (first two days were at maintenance) but clearly not.
I feel like such a fat failure. Everything has gone wrong. Im also still not over a guy who stopped speaking to me late March and feel depression coming back as it usually does in the spring.
I’m back to 1200 a day starting today and am determined to lose again (bc it’s basically all I have to be proud of at this point) but god I’m still cringing over everything I ate last week
[Other] When the scale tells you a lower number at the end of the day....
/u/WaitingForHealing [5'5.5" | 271 | 234 | 115 |]
Created: Wed Apr 11 17:54:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bltya/when_the_scale_tells_you_a_lower_number_at_the/
---
LIES! Why are you lying to me!?
Honestly though... I get so suspicious and defensive. lmao
[Other] Pregnant and bulimic
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 115 | 19.7 | meh | 26F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 17:31:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8blo6n/pregnant_and_bulimic/
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The need for the fetus to thrive and my own selfish need to purge
I’m horrible
It’s almost like a war in my body
Idk 😐
[Intro] where my drunkorexics at
/u/flowers-and-forests
Created: Wed Apr 11 17:25:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8blmol/where_my_drunkorexics_at/
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hi everyone
I lurk mostly, and have had countless accounts that I delete out of paranoia.
I've had ED since I was 17, am now 23 and have a job and a mortgage and shit (thank GOD I am going back to school in the fall--gonna be a doctor woop woop)
Anyway. alcoholism runs in my family. I was always like "lol thank god my only problem is that I can't feed myself properly" but here we are. My only calories today came from alcohol and tbh this is like the only way I can kill the anxiety, at least for a lil while
At least I save money by not needing to drink as much when I don't eat??
It's not even 8pm on a Wednesday lmaooo please tell me I'm not alone.
love you guys <3
[Rant/Rave] I feel so ugly, I think maybe I used to be pretty, just needed to lose a few lbs. now I look disgusting but hate my body and how I look so much...idk just a lot is happening.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Wed Apr 11 17:23:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8blm5u/i_feel_so_ugly_i_think_maybe_i_used_to_be_pretty/
---
I started to look through pictures on my phone to post on insta for national siblings day. Was looking for some older ones too. I went back to 2012-2014 on my iphone and I was around 118 at that point. My original goal was 125 after a bit of weight gain.
Then struck my ED in a really bad way. Not just calorie counting full on crazy. I went from 1200 to some lower calorie days and turned "cheat days" into B/P days. Which have decreased but are still there.
Looking back although my face looks a little fuller, I think a little pretty. Now my face looks horrible, I hate it so much, I look gross. I am at 106 now and just want to lose more and more.
I find beauty in celebs bodies during their eating disorders or lack of calorie intake (nicole ricci and jessica stroup (season 1 90210) mainly). I feel horrible for how they must have felt and even worse for loving their bodies. I am glad they for the most part seem healthy now, especially jessica (not sure her life though, but I know nicole still struggles a lot).
Idk what I am trying to say. I just know I am getting uglier by the day. My boyfriend has even lost a lot of attraction towards my body...still loves me, but my body really disgusts him sometimes, I think out of fear for my health and just how it is. I hate myself for this fucking disorder. Yet I never want to recover, I just want to be as thin as I can.
[Help] Water weight?
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍌5'5|113|GW:105🍉]
Created: Wed Apr 11 17:08:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bliec/water_weight/
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So I’ve been in a binge restrict cycle for about a year. I recently got out of the binge/no calorie counting/no weighing and have been consistently restricting to 800 calories. The scale said 116 this weekend but this afternoon I got on and it said 113. Is this water weight? There is no way I have had that big of a calorie deficit to actually lose 3 pounds in 6 days. I’m really happy because I wanted to be sub 110 by an event at the end of this month but scared it’s not reflecting the truth :/
Also random tmi: I haven’t took a dump in a few days and of course the ED is like that’s probably half a pound and I can’t weight until it’s out so I can see a smaller number on the scale lol.
[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Feel like a whale
/u/carnivoool
Created: Wed Apr 11 17:05:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8blhtr/rant_feel_like_a_whale/
---
I spent the last 3 weeks from Paddy's Day to Easter Monday stuffing my face with shit and gained 15 pounds! I've been good about not binging all week but I'm so hungry all the time I end up at maintenance and not losing any weight really. I'm just disgusted with myself.
What's worse is I'm going on holiday to meet my BF's family for the first time in three weeks and I wanted to be a little bit underweight (like 95lbs, I'm usually 100) cos I know they're gonna feed me loooaads. Now I'm afraid I'm gonna show up looking like a bloated pig and embarrass him. In my head I know it's mostly water weight and 115 is a normal weight for my height, but I feel like an overinflated balloon.
I'm going for an MRI in a few days but I'm more concerned with a few vanity pounds than the fact that I might have a brain tumour, yay EDs!
[Rant/Rave] rant #5698- My jeans that were once too big are now not loose
/u/kingarthersixties [5'6 | 125 | 21.05 | GW: 118 | female]
Created: Wed Apr 11 16:06:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bl2ly/rant_5698_my_jeans_that_were_once_too_big_are_now/
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Ok my waist has grown like 4 fucking inches in the past two months. I put on a pair of highwaisted jeans today, and before, they were a lot looser in the stomach area. Today, they fit me perfectly. I'm also stuck between a mentality of trying to eat healthy to go back to my original weight and make my body more healthy/become a healthier person, and a "you dont deserve to eat that you fatass" mentality. I keep trying to starve instead andbidk what to do. I'm not really having trouble sticking to my no sugar/low carb thing (I'm also a health anxiety person and I'm afraid of diabetes and I've been eating a lot of sugar lately!!!!!), which is what I thought my problem would be. I'm instead having trouble alternating between restricting and not lol. Because overall, I'm trying to build muscle so I'm increasing my protein intake, but you need more calories to build muscle, and I don't want to consume more calories. osjsoejsjd can i build muscle if i like......solely consume protein.......just inject protein into my muscles directly...
Drinking a protein shake as we speak wish me luck on my muscle building process lol. Also sorry about the scattered rant.
[Rant/Rave] “you don’t seem like the type to have an eating disorder. there’s no reason for you to, you look fine :/“
/u/tarantulahospital [5'7 | -40lb | F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 15:59:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bl0st/you_dont_seem_like_the_type_to_have_an_eating/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] my mom just force fed me
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 151 | BMI: 25.13 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Wed Apr 11 15:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bkvc1/my_mom_just_force_fed_me/
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i'm getting bad again. i'm restricting, taking diet pills, abusing adderall, and starving. my mom is terrified. she's never known how to handle my ED. she knows i'm getting bad again. she force fed me a tomato mozzarella sandwich from starbucks. *i just went vegan in an attempt to try to eat more often.* i've been vegan for *four* days. she force fed me not just food, but cheese. i am so upset and have no idea what to do.
[Discussion] TW: suic*de
/u/pray4prada
Created: Wed Apr 11 14:39:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bkeh9/tw_suicde/
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Idk who else to talk to about this... so one of my mutuals on ed twitter killed herself and I’m super triggered and heartbroken over it. If you’re wondering why I didn’t post this on ed twitter, it’s bc people are literally just making drama about it. some are blaming her followers for not reaching out, blaming people for not doing more, as if we didn’t reach out and we didn’t check in, every day. she just did what she wanted to. and it was gruesome.
I just hate that people are using this as a reason to argue and create drama. I think it’s disgusting, and while we’re all mourning, I don’t think it’s a reason to lash out and attack people. I just wanted to vent. Thanks for reading, if you did.
[Help] I'm running out of time to reach my goal weight.
/u/KeyHeight
Created: Wed Apr 11 14:34:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bkda8/im_running_out_of_time_to_reach_my_goal_weight/
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I want to get to my goal weight (105 pounds) by my birthday in August. I've been sort of thinking of it as a birthday present to myself. But I keep messing up and I'm fat. To lose as much as I want, I have to limit myself to <100 cals a day.
I've been trying so hard but it's not working. Just my vitamins and my energy drinks take up 50 cals and I have only 50 left each day. I honestly want to cry, imagining myself stepping on the scale on the day and seeing that I'm just as fat as I was in April. I'm thinking of doing a water fast until then, but I honestly don't think my body or mind can handle it.
Thoughts, guys? :(
[Discussion] Ideal bedside manner?
/u/akahayes [5'6.5" | 141 | 22.4 | -34 | F | UGW 110]
Created: Wed Apr 11 14:27:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bkb6u/ideal_bedside_manner/
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I recently visited the doctor and finally told them about my being bulimic. When I said that, she said, and I quote, “yes, I can understand wanting to be at a lower weight than you’re at right now.” She didn’t really say anything else about it. For reference, I weighed 148 that day at 5’6.5 because I had just gone through a 2 week binge period (because I’m an idiot.)
I guess I don’t know how to feel about it. I’m technically at a healthy BMI (even if it is admittedly on the higher side) so I feel like it was kind of fucked up for her to make that comment or at the very least kind of insensitive, but I don’t know if I’m just overreacting because I’m a neurotic bulimic.
Thoughts?
[Rant/Rave] The new guy in my life told me he said I sounded the happiest when I was eating and I don't know what to think of it
/u/ricemask [5'6" | CW: 150 | -3 | UGW: 115 | 20F | 🍑: riceemask]
Created: Wed Apr 11 14:15:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bk80u/the_new_guy_in_my_life_told_me_he_said_i_sounded/
---
So, I met someone. And it's the nicest feeling to just have a friend to talk to. I haven't told him about my eating disorder just yet, but I don't want him to find out. So I just obsess about eating fruits and vegetables and telling him I'm vegetarian which he completely respects and he tries his best to find foods we both like eating. He also knows I'm really depressed and understands when I need time to myself.
The other night, I was heading to his place and I picked up some food for us to eat. I picked up mostly small things for me, apples, olives, low fat bree and for him, veggie pad thai, cookies, and ice cream. He's very athletic but has a huge appetite.
I was letting the pad thai cook but I was sitting on the couch with him while cut my apple, and taking small bites of the bree. I was telling him that my apple taste so good and being obsessed with it and I tried to offer him a slice and he said he wanted cookies instead. We were just bickering at this point while he was forcing me to eat a cookie and he made fun of me for loving apples so much and I said "fine I'll stop eating them and I'll starve".
And he tells me "No keep eating! You sound the happiest when you're eating". And I stopped and looked at him and took a big sigh but just laughed it off and threw an apple slice at him.
But I just wanted cry. It felt like he was insulting me and I didn't know how to take it. And it might be that he's telling me the truth and he notices that in me that I'm happy when I'm eating. Boys are weird and I don't know what to think of it.
[Discussion] A Starbucks drink post, bc I live there
/u/Thatza_Latza_Matza [5'3" | CW 120 | BMI: 21.4 | -20]
Created: Wed Apr 11 13:40:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bjy7a/a_starbucks_drink_post_bc_i_live_there/
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What’s up, I never post but I figured maybe some of y’all would like a couple tips on what to drink at Starbucks. I’m there always and I have had some time to figure out what I like. Anyways here’s a list.
1. Grande iced black tea, no water, no liquid cane syrup (5 cal), 2 scoops of Vanilla bean powder shaken in (40 cal) and a splash, or about two ounces, of almond milk (20 cal)
It’s sweet, it’s satisfying, and it’s like 70 cal
2. Grande iced coffee, no classic (5 cal), extra, around 4 ounces, coconut milk (50 cal)
Caffeinated and coconuty, around 60 cal
3. Venti cool lime refresher (110 cal) with a pump of raspberry syrup (20 cal) blended
It’s sweet and icey, and 140 cal
4. Venti passion iced tea, no water, no liquid cane (5 cal) sub strawberry açaí base ( 80 cal)
Sweet, tart, and very pink, at 90 cal
Sub the passion tea for green tea if you’re into that
5. Venti coffee, no classic (5 cal) 3 pumps skinny mocha (15 cal) extra almond milk (40 cal)
It’s chocolate milk coffee
If you’re looking for a warm drink
6. Grande london fog tea latte, no vanilla, sub 2 pumps skinny vanilla (10 cal) , light milk, or four ounces, no two percent, sub soy (70 cal)
Sweet and rich and warming, 85 cal
7. Grande cafe misto, with almond milk (8 ounces, or 80 cal worth of almond milk) 2 pumps skinny vanilla (10 cal)
90 cal, and still rich and milky and decadent tasting.
This is just some of the drinks I like, drop your fave here as well.
*calories can fluctuate, when I order a drink at Starbucks I always give myself a 20 cal buffer, because of human error. This is a guideline, and just some drinks to give you some ideas
[Help] I hate my body.
/u/ambinger
Created: Wed Apr 11 13:35:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bjwr0/i_hate_my_body/
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*I just needed to get this down, and out. I'm a lurker here and just wanted to share. I don't know how many bingers frequent here, but I'm one of them.*
I hate my body so much that I sicken it. I shove food into my mouth that I know shouldn't be there. I buy things at the grocery store that I know are going to be triggering. I inhale most foods that come in bags, the kind that test the amount of self-control you're willing to have that day.
I hate my body so much that I've stopped seeing it. I gain some weight, then gain some more, and tell myself it's fine that I went up a pants size. And then another. I see stretch marks and wonder why my feet continue to hurt despite buying shoes with better soles. They carry the weight. And so does my brain.
I hate my body so much that I avoid the scale. When my mom asks me if I've lost weight, I tense. I lower my eyes. I say I don't want to talk about it. When she pushes me anyway, I feel like crying. When she worries for my health, I worry for it too. But I don't stop. I eat.
I hate my body so much that I self-sabotage at every turn. Getting engaged meant two years to drop the weight. I keep saying I'm going to undo the damage. I think that as I eat another whole pizza and then throw it up. I stare at myself in the mirror, unhappy and fat, tears rolling down my cheeks because that's what happens when I throw up. I'm not even crying because of what I've done. It's an involuntary response to the stress I'm putting on my body. I tell myself, never again.
I hate my body so much that I've managed to outgrow one wedding dress. I bought a new one that I love and adore, but that one still comes with fear. Fear that I had to buy a size 20. Fear that I'm a street size 14 when I used to be a 12, used to be a 10, only was an 8 maybe in middle school. Six months to the wedding, I am no better with my habits.
I hate my body so much that I write empowering messages all over my apartment. I start diets and stop them, I start lifestyle changes and give them up, I eat in secret and hide the wrappers, I lie to people around me for that momentary pleasure that eating brings me. Now I drink Coke Zero, in the hopes it can carry me from lunch to dinner.
I hate my body so much that in the evenings, when my fiance is working late or I have no other plans, my food-hungry self really comes out to play. My alter-ego that's with me at every turn, at every second of the day. I hate her. I hate how shifty she can be, how she goads me to getting in the car and driving to the store and buying all the chocolate and chips and pretzels and salsa and then sits with me on the couch, waiting. She knows I'll take a bite, and then another, regret not quite strong enough to win out. That bitch. She always wins.
I hate my body so much that I tell my therapist about it. We don't make much progress. Body dysmorphia is one of those things that's been with me for a very long time. I did competitive gymnastics growing up and always, always, always felt I was much bigger than the rest of the girls. They had abs and tiny asses and I had thick thighs and scars on my stomach that rippled my profile when I stood to the side. I had boobs and hips that kept expanding. I had power, too, I can see that now. But then, I just wanted to be thin.
I hate my body so much that I lose most of my control. I buy the books about binge-eating and wonder why I can't get past the first two chapters. I do my research about CICO and restricting and fasting and purging and struggle to find my own way to whatever is making me so unhappy with my body.
I hate my body so much for loving carbs and salt, sugar and fat. For eschewing self-control, for its inability to eat in moderation. I hate it all.
But I want to love. I want, want, want to love and respect and feed myself in a way that isn't so reckless and terrible and awful. I don't want to be considered morbidly obese, standing at 200 pounds of heavy, heavy weight on my 5 foot, 4 inch frame. I want clothes to be looser on me, I want to fit into a size medium. These goals don't even seem so farfetched but I struggle.
I want to love.
[Tip] So apparently Tetris is an especially effective distraction from cravings.
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 109 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Wed Apr 11 13:22:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bjt2y/so_apparently_tetris_is_an_especially_effective/
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https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/08/150813101535.htm
'Do you have any games on your phone' I do now
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 11 13:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bjqtw/do_you_have_any_games_on_your_phone_i_do_now/
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https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/08/150813101535.htm
[Intro] Hi everyone!
/u/shepanda
Created: Wed Apr 11 13:03:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bjnc0/hi_everyone/
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I've lurked on here for a couple days now without posting anything and I just wanted to say you are all absolutely lovely! It's really great to see a supportive community like this, as I don't feel like I can talk about this kind of stuff with anyone I know personally. So I guess I just wanted to say thanks for that.
As a side note, I'm feeling really great today as I'm down 2 pounds from my last weigh-in last week.
Hope you are all having a great day <3
[Rant/Rave] Breaking down in Starbucks 😎
/u/doses_and_neuroses
Created: Wed Apr 11 12:53:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bjkyl/breaking_down_in_starbucks/
---
Ordered an iced coffee with sugar free vanilla syrup. Watched barista put like 8 pumps of the regular vanilla syrup in coffee. Thought ‘oh, well maybe that isn’t MY coffee.’ But it was. Asked barista if she used sugar free syrup (which I saw that she did not) and she said she did. Sheepishly said ‘oh... ok...’, walked off (because I hate confrontation and inconveniencing people), threw entire drink away and cried in one of their comfy ass armchairs because I was already having a bad day lol
Why am I like this BUT ALSO why are some baristas like that :’(
I rub my bones when I'm nervous
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | UGW: 93 | -16| F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 12:49:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bjjrd/i_rub_my_bones_when_im_nervous/
---
I've only just realized I'm doing this, but I don't bite my nails anymore. I only noticed when I realized they were like a quarter of an inch long. Instead, when I'm nervous or bored or just because, I'll rub my hipbones or my collarbones. My hipbones especially have only come out with the last 3 or so pounds I've lost. My thighs don't spread out much when I sit. I have a thigh gap and a rather noticeable one at that. And when I'm nervous, rubbing my bones centers me a little bit, I guess because it subconsciously reminds me how much I've been restricting, and that makes me feel safe.
Now I'm irrationally terrified that I'll gain the weight back someday, whether I decide I want recovery or just suddenly start bingeing. Because I won't be able to feel my bones anymore. That's why I say I can't recover right now. Because I treat my hipbones like a security blanket. I feel so bizarre and abnormal.
Rubbing my bones
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 11 12:47:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bjj82/rubbing_my_bones/
---
[deleted]
fake eating in hospital and ng tubes?
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Wed Apr 11 12:15:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bj9pd/fake_eating_in_hospital_and_ng_tubes/
---
i'm stuck in the hospital and i'm expected to eat 1500 calories or i'm getting the ng tube. I'm already on iv tubes and I heard it makes you hold a lot of extra weight so im already horrified of that.. this morning i ate half a plain omelet with french vanilla yoplait yogurt and a 4 oz apple juice container, so totalling around 300 cals maybe?? I couldn't hide it or throw it away because my mom was watching me. When she's not in the room, I still can't throw it away because their now not allowing the door to be closed.. the ng tube sounds honestly gross but I don't want to gain any weight, how is 1500 considered "low calorie"?? they even said 1500 is just to start off with and their going to add on more😵 I came in at 67 or 68 and i've only been here for less then 24 hours. How was your experience in the hospital or with ng tubes? Feel free to pm
[Rant/Rave] If i say no to something it fucking means i dont want it, not "convince me".
/u/ikillsouls [5' 2" | fat | too high | Ugw: 7 lb 3 oz | 🍑 parahorizons]
Created: Wed Apr 11 12:05:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bj6pd/if_i_say_no_to_something_it_fucking_means_i_dont/
---
I've had a huge fucking crush on the barista that works at my school for about three years now, literally since my freshman year. Lately ive been going a lot and smiling at him a lot because ive felt okay in front of him and because my friends keep trying to get me to ask him out. I always order a caramel machiatto with skim milk but they havent had skim the last couple days so i went to order it with soy and he smiled at me and said "actually, we have skim today. I brought a gallon in this morning". i know it wasn't specifically for me but i pretended it was and it felt dang good. anyway, im waiting with a couple friends and his coworker gives me my coffee and puts a can of whipped cream nearby and asks if i want any, i said no thanks and he keeps. asking saying "oh come on it's so good, its chai, its sooo creamy!!!1!!" etc. My crush is laughing and his coworker is laughing and my friends are laughing and i am fucking mortified. I said no three times. nononono. i actually wanted to yell "i dont want those calories". now i look dumb as shit and probably super weird bc i snatched my coffee and made a fucking face. it's so stupid but irritating, stop offering me things i don't fucking want.
and my day only got shittier after i was talking to my friend about how much i hate myself and suddenly my professor says "hi". he was behind us the whole fucking time (-: why am i like this
[Discussion] Breyer's Delights are superior to Halo Top, I am willing to fight to the death on this
/u/domesticwildthing
Created: Wed Apr 11 11:56:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bj49x/breyers_delights_are_superior_to_halo_top_i_am/
---
20g of protein per pint! Hello fullness!
Only 6 flavours, none terrible *(looking at you Halo Top Cookies and Cream, you let me down, you let me down hard.)* Goodbye spending 35 minutes evaluating my caloric choices and the pros and cons of 28 different flavors
HAS A PLAIN CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA!
Sometimes a bitch just wants a plain ice cream. You think of that Halo Top?
NOT SEVEN GODDAMN 99 FOR A PINT. A decent, god-fearing $5.99 for slightly more, lower calorie ice cream. Get in my basket Breyer's, we're going home.
**^Editor's ^Note:** ^We ^just ^got ^Halo ^Top ^in ^Canada, ^so ^we ^are ^all ^hands ^on ^deck ^on ^this ^debate ^right ^now.
I wish people listened to me more.
/u/r0manticslut
Created: Wed Apr 11 11:45:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bj0z6/i_wish_people_listened_to_me_more/
---
ve in a sober home for girls, and all the time I hear them talking about their weight (Switching drugs/alchohol for food is pretty common).
I care for some of these girls and I always try to tell them it's as simple as 1200 calories a day. But even though they say they're seriously, not even hours later I see them going for junk food.
One of my particularly good friends is extremely obese and it bothers me because she has two kids and I would love for her to start being healthier. But no dice.
Honestly I guess I have no room because I'm losing weight pretty un healthily. I b/p and fast and restrict. But they don't have to do that, you know!
That's the end of my rant. Thank you
[Rant/Rave] Triggered
/u/spyrothedaddy [5'4"|CW:102.8|BMI:17.6|F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 11:43:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bj0bj/triggered/
---
I feel like every stereotypical relapse trigger has happened to me today. I’ve been told I look well AND healthy on two separate occasions. My jeans are tight. My friend whose weight I was conscious of looks thinner than ever. I’m 9 pounds higher than my last lowest weight. I feel horrible but maybe at least this has triggered me out of a 4 month binge cycle?
[Help] How to break the compulsive hunger cycle?
/u/LumosErin [5'6" | 134 | 21.8 | GW:115-120 | 20F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 11:40:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bizhh/how_to_break_the_compulsive_hunger_cycle/
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So I've been having an issue. Last Tuesday, April 3rd, my period started and it was not a kind cycle; I was chronically fatigued, had really bad headaches, and I was just eating everything in sight and I just couldn't stop.
Well now my period is over and I'm still fighting the urge to eat so much. It's getting out of hand. What are some things that I can do to nip this in the bud immediately bc I don't want this old habit to start up again.
[Discussion] Alcoholic Beverage master reference sheet for calories and safe food(drink) suggestions:
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS [5'6 |CW:162.2 | GW: 130 |F 19]
Created: Wed Apr 11 11:34:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bixvv/alcoholic_beverage_master_reference_sheet_for/
---
I’m in college right now and live on Greek row so basically every Friday and Saturday night and the occasional Thursday is spent out roaming around with friends. As a result there is every type of alcohol everywhere, and I NEED to know everything about all of it.
What I’m listing is my go to, but I’m not very diverse so please add suggestions!!.
These are those thicc boi 24 ounce cans
-Four loko: 660 cal
-mikes harder: 390- 400 cal
Twisted tea: 440 cal
12 ounce:
-Twisted tea:236 cal
-Mikes hard (not harder): 220 cal
Bags:
-Twisted tea Bag: solo cups are 16 ounces so one cup full is going to be around 300 cal to be safe
-Franzia: 105 cals in 5 ounces - 315 in a solo cup
- beatbox: 120 in 5 ounces, 360 in a solo cup
Vodka:
-64 calories in 1 ounce
Vodka mixies that won’t make you panic:
- 4 ounces vodka -256 cal
-ocean spray diet cran-pineapple/grape/mango/raspberry etc: 5 cals for 8 ouncesx2=10 cals for 16 ounces
= 272 cals for a 20 ounce fruity Mixie
Or just throw in any diet soda and call it a day at 256+0
Diet wine coolers: these take like alcoholic lacroix
Truly: 100 cal for one can (12 ounce)
White claw: 110 cal per can (12 ounce)
They don’t get u very drunk so plan on 1-3 cans if you are looking for a good time
[Help] Can anyone help me calculate calories for this salad?
/u/DenyMyHunger [5'7"|SW:247|CW:217 | -30 | GW:112| HW:294|27F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 11:22:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8biu5u/can_anyone_help_me_calculate_calories_for_this/
---
Sorry I know this is a regularly asked question and people are probably sick of it but this salad turned out bigger than I expected and the dressing seemed creamy and I wasn't sure how to estimate?
It was the chicken, bacon and avocado salad from Frankie & Bennys in the UK (not sure if you have them in US). I asked for it without bacon. It was about a medium chicken breast (say 200cal), around half an avocado (130?), rocket, tomato and onions (50?) but it was the dressing that got me. It tasted like salad cream? It wasn't overly saturated in dressing but I got full flavour with every bite and I'm like is 200 too low to guess? I dunno I'm just panicking a bit. I had 150 cals then this salad and I just wanna know hit I can have anything else today 😕
Is 600 a good estimate do you think? Thanks so much! 😊
[Discussion] Whyyyy does every social thing involve dinner or drinks??
/u/MightyMuskrats [🐝5'2 | 🐋 | GW 115 | -17 | 22F🐝]
Created: Wed Apr 11 10:35:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bih28/whyyyy_does_every_social_thing_involve_dinner_or/
---
I haven't seen my friend in a long time and she wants to catch up by getting dinner together...How do I stay on track??? Help :(
[Discussion] I can’t tell if my brain is just foggy from the fast I’m on or if this song that came up on shuffle really DOES perfectly describe my ED cycle...
/u/wholedwarf [5'5.5" | CW 125 | GW 115.5 | HW: 155 | F26]
Created: Wed Apr 11 10:33:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bigbm/i_cant_tell_if_my_brain_is_just_foggy_from_the/
---
“Sometimes I think this cycle never ends.
We slide from top to bottom then we turn and climb again.
And it seems by the time that I have figured what it’s worth,
The squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse.
- - -
But if I move my place in line I’ll lose.
And I have waited, the anticipation’s got me glued.
- - -
I am waiting for something to go wrong.
I am waiting for familiar resolve.
I am waiting for another repeat.
Another diet fed by crippling defeat.”
- Death Cab For Cutie, Expo ‘86
[Help] Help me estimate the calories for this? It’s chicken with rice, coconut curry, and naan bread. I didn’t know it was gonna be this big
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 11 10:23:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bidft/help_me_estimate_the_calories_for_this_its/
---
https://i.redd.it/grcodhre2br01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Guys I forgot how good diet Mountain Dew is
/u/Douchebagette
Created: Wed Apr 11 10:07:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bi968/guys_i_forgot_how_good_diet_mountain_dew_is/
---
That's it. Honestly I don't find a lot of joy in putting food in my body but dang this she is tasty and calorie free. I want to put and iv in.
Just kidding I'm going to have one more then find some reason that I can't have it and get rid of it. But until then dannnnnng
[Rant/Rave] 5 month hall pass for ED!
/u/littlejanedoe- [5'2" |CW:123lbs | GW:112lbs | F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 09:59:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bi6td/5_month_hall_pass_for_ed/
---
I am getting married in September! now that the wedding is fast approaching I have been restricting more and more.. I have 5months to get to my goal weight of 110-112lbs. This gives me plenty of time unless is self sabotage. To my point... this is the first time in my life where my restricting and weight loss as not been looked at as negative. Everyone is 100% on board because you know gotta look good in that dress. Even my mom who is my biggest critic is talking about where I should tone up and what weight she thinks would be ideal for my dress... its strange and freeing all at once. Its like I have a 5 month hall pass to let my ED run wild without judgment.
[Discussion] Bronkaid/Ephedrine Tips?
/u/Hollyfoot [5’9” | 95lbs]
Created: Wed Apr 11 09:45:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bi2hh/bronkaidephedrine_tips/
---
[removed]
[Intro] Been lurking until now
/u/_hah_no
Created: Wed Apr 11 09:32:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bhz31/been_lurking_until_now/
---
I don't even know if I belong here, but I like reading this sub. I was bulimic in the past, went through treatment a few times, been pretty solid in recovery for over six years... until recently.
I've had some issues with binging and purging again, and I really don't want to go down that road at all, so I've just been eating super clean, trying to avoid anything that might trigger a binge or make me want to purge it... so I'm eating clean and controlled to the point of obsession and anxiety and all that fun stuff y'all are familiar with.
I hate how I look all the time and it wrecks my ability to enjoy much of anything. I can't concentrate on anything interesting because all I can think about is food and the fat that's all over me.
I'm not restricting heavily, though. I'm too afraid to kick off a binge. I'm afraid of being hungry in case I eat, I'm afraid of eating in case I can't stop, etc. I'm not really doing anything physically dangerous, behavior-wise, so I don't know if I belong here really. Y'all are just chill and get it.
I want to get back to feeling recovered... but I want to do it after losing 5-10lbs, and then keep that off. I want to lean out. I love strength training, and I want to uncover my muscles more. A couple months ago I could see my abs but my stupid binging has covered those back up. I'm getting a scale soon, haven't had one in years, so I'm just guessing at my current weight.
5'6" LW 119 HW 156 CW ~140 GW 130-135 (until I like what's in the mirror)
Anyway, I don't know if I'm disordered enough to count, so feel free to tell me to get the fuck out if you don't want me here. Sorry for the novel-length intro.
[Tip] Safe(r) brownies
/u/wannabegrapefruit [23F | 5'4" | 135 :'( ]
Created: Wed Apr 11 09:28:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bhxzl/safer_brownies/
---
Idk if this is like, appropriate here. I thought I would share my brownie recipe for when I NEED chocolate but don't want to eat 3,000 calories worth.
My boyfriend is wonderful and is super into eating healthy foods so I didn't have to hide what is in these brownies because he was all for it (and he loves them). However, if your SO/kid/BFF/mom is not nearly as open to new ideas about food, you could totally get away with saying these are regular brownies. They are fudgy and delicious and it's hard to believe what is actually in them. They are super filling, though, and not super sweet so bingeing on them is actually not really a problem. Calorie/nutrition info is at the bottom of the recipe.
Here is what you do:
1. First, take a medium to large sweet potato (about a cup's worth when mashed) and stab that sucker about 5 good times so it can vent. It's best to let some of your anger out with the stabs, raw SP's are hard af. Microwave it on high for 4 min, flip it over, and do 4 more. It's best if you can let the SP cool before you start the brownie process, so if you can do this the day before or even a couple of hours before you will have a better texture. If you need the brownies NOW, it still works okay when you use hot potato (hot potato, hot potato hot potatooo-- did you guys watch the wiggles growing up??)
2. Mash the SP up in a bowl and add a half a cup of creamy peanut butter. I use the Kroger brand because it is stupid cheap, but there are lower calorie/fat/preservative options out there, too. They might lower the calories but my math is based on the cheap shit I buy.
3. Add a fourth of a cup of cocoa powder and 2 tbs honey. Stir that shit up until it looks like brownie batter. (Sometimes there may be little orange chunks.)
4. Spread it in a pan OR cupcake tins if you want the portion sizes to be easy peasy. I prefer cupcake tins for this reason. TBH, I think you could just put it in the little papers and set them on a pan. I haven't tried it, but this stuff doesn't rise. The heat just makes them fudgier.
5. Bake at 350 for like 20 minutes regardless of pan size. It doesn't matter a lot--you can do more or less. Experiments can be fun.
6. EAT THEM. Best when warm. Perfect with a scoop of halo top or if you wanna get fancy, blend half a frozen banana, some ice, some almond milk, a drop of vanilla, and a pinch of cinnamon, and put that banana "nice cream" on top. So delicious.
NUTRITION: For 1/6 of the recipe (so if you make six cupcakes and eat 1 or make 12 cupcakes and eat 2)
Calories: 200
Protein: 6g
Fat: 12g
Carbs: 23g
Fiber: 3g
Sugar: 11g
-If you add my banana nice cream you can add about 150 more calories.
-The recipe is easily modified to make more or less. Think 1 SP, .5 PB, .25 CP, and a little honey.
[Tip] Thoughts on a vape said to suppress hunger?
/u/oriamB [5'6 | CW 135? | GW 120 | always fluctuating | F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 09:22:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bhwf8/thoughts_on_a_vape_said_to_suppress_hunger/
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https://i.redd.it/su1al0porar01.jpg
[Other] Calorie Counts: coming soon to a restaurant chain near you
/u/SpitAndPennyStyle [5'2"|preggo]
Created: Wed Apr 11 09:17:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bhupc/calorie_counts_coming_soon_to_a_restaurant_chain/
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http://archive.is/LwY74
Obsessed with ballerinas (and their clothes)
/u/hellahungryy [BMI 14.7]
Created: Wed Apr 11 08:57:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bhp6n/obsessed_with_ballerinas_and_their_clothes/
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https://m.imgur.com/a/FiTtM
[Help] Will this salt alternative break my fast?
/u/fastingketosisthrowa
Created: Wed Apr 11 08:41:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bhkpu/will_this_salt_alternative_break_my_fast/
---
I live in Canada and getting potassium chloride is hard. I recently found this https://www.loblaws.ca/Food/Pantry/Herbs%2C-Spices-%26-Sauces/Salt-%26-Peppers/Salt-Free-Salt-Substitute/p/20701904_EA
The ingredients has POTASSIUM CHLORIDE, CALCIUM SILICATE, MAGNESIUM CARBONATE, SUGAR, POTASSIUM IODIDE.
There is sugar as an ingredient so will it break me out of ketosis? Thanks!
[Goal] Wish me Luck or Pray for me
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Wed Apr 11 07:57:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bh8ye/wish_me_luck_or_pray_for_me/
---
I haven't been to the gym in 3-4 months. And I have been chain smoking like it's going out of style. I may die.
I actually picked up smoking because of my ED. Back in November of last year, when I was getting really bad again, dinner was a cigarette and some cherry Coke Zero. But as things often do, the smoking got out of hand and became a replacement for boredom eating. Although I realized boredom smoking is not much better, probably far worse.
I'm actually sort of hoping getting back to the gym will curb my smoking. For one, I'll have something to fill the time so I'll be less bored. Secondly, I hope seeing how much it's impacted my ability to do things like cardio will make me cut back or quit.
Either way, need some hardcore luck today.
[Discussion] Has anyone ever called you out on your body checks?
/u/frankesteinsmonster
Created: Wed Apr 11 07:43:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bh5hj/has_anyone_ever_called_you_out_on_your_body_checks/
---
Something I usually do a lot is feel my waist/stomach area while in public or trace my fingers around my neck and collarbones. No one has ever really said anything to me, but sometimes when I do it next to friends they give me a funny look. Has anyone her ever been called out for it? How did it feel?
[Help] Someone please stop me
/u/ssgrim09
Created: Wed Apr 11 07:13:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bgybc/someone_please_stop_me/
---
From binging and purging!
I don't want to
I really really don't want to
but my head won't shut up....
Fuck.
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 11 06:13:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bgksm/daily_food_diary_april_11_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 11, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday April 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 11 06:11:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bgkck/way_to_go_wednesday_april_11_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for April 11, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Help] Surrounded by food at work
/u/anEDthrowaway
Created: Wed Apr 11 06:05:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bgj80/surrounded_by_food_at_work/
---
So, today is the day I've finally said fuck it and decided to seriously restrict.
Trouble is, I'm a baker. I spend 6.5 hours a day, 6 days a week, not only surrounded by but literally hand-making all manner of nice things. And I already know from experience it's fucking delicious (humblebrag).
How am I supposed to not cave when everything around me during work is so tempting? Then obviously I go home starving because of it.
This sucks :(
[Intro] So uh is this normal?
/u/anarchostatist
Created: Wed Apr 11 05:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bgc04/so_uh_is_this_normal/
---
Fell onto this page by accident, but I figured I'd ask if y'all think some of these things are normal.
1. I am deffo not ana - I was morbidly obese until last week.
2. Started counted calories when I was 14. Every so often I get fed up of it and eat all the things and get super fat SO fast. Like I can gain 15lbs in a week - and not that first week when you start being bad and gain loads of water week - all the weeks!
3. Then eventually I get fed up of being so fat, I am full as fuck, go order a pizza and some shit and I am so full but I am eating it anyway and I feel so much pain from all the food in my stomach and it's crawling up my oesophagus because there is so much of it and I am like "OK! Time for another diet!"
4. So I go back to counting calories and I am so happy and excited and I am watching the numbers go down on the scale every day and it's great and I am talking about how awesome it will be when I am thin and trying to get my fat friends to lose weight with me so we can all be happy and excited together but they never want to.
5. Eventually I realise when I am thin I will have to stop counting calories and then I will be bored OR I have some important shit to do that takes up so much mental energy I can't put it all into counting calories and reading every single fucking website about weight loss in the whole world.
6. So then I stop and eat all the things for a while.
7. Rinse repeat.
Like right now I am losing weight, yay, so happy, sticking to my calories, don't feel hungry even, sometimes it's a bit slow going so I do like a day or two fast and then I am back on track and yay, love waking up in the morning so I can go toilet then step on that scale yay, totally gonna stay on the wagon this time. But I literally keep worrying about when I am finally thin... what will I do? How will I eat. Like now if I overestimate calories I know I'm gonna just lose faster - how the hell would I maintain my weight though, I don't trust exercise calories on anything because yeah right so what... either you lose weight trying to stick to calories or you ballon up right? I literally thought the other day I should stay a bit fat so I can keep losing weight for the rest of my life. NOT that it's going to matter for ages anyway so why am I even worrying about it now?? But that's freaking crazy! Stay fat? WTF???
Anybody relate? Is that just normal stuff for normal people?
[Rant/Rave] a grown woman who eats baby food
/u/savethebabyfood
Created: Wed Apr 11 03:42:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bftby/a_grown_woman_who_eats_baby_food/
---
I’m using a throwaway bc I don’t want this associated with my main account for a number of reasons so sorry for that, but I really really need to get this off my chest.
So I’m a woman in the military and I’m currently deployed overseas. I’ve struggled with disordered eating for about 5 years now and some days are harder than others but I like to think I’m getting better. At my lowest weight, all I consumed was sugar free Jello, Gatorade, and laxatives. Every day. And I walked (literally too weak to even run) on the treadmill until I had successfully burned 1,000+ calories. EVERY DAY.
Since joining the military I’ve gotten into running and working out at least 3-4 times a week and I’m currently at a “healthy weight” but nobody knows just how hard I struggle with hating everything about my body. So when people comment on what I eat, it fucking kills me inside.
The incident that made me write this post happened yesterday but I’m still so angry and kinda hurt and embarrassed and I didn’t know what to do so I’m here. So like I said, I’m deployed right now so a lot of my safe foods aren’t readily available and it sucks to say the least. Luckily Amazon delivers to my deployed location and I was super happy that I was able to order those Gerber yogurt melts and the Lil Crunchies cheese puffs that I absolutely loooove. They were delivered yesterday and let me tell y’all, it made my entire day. In my excitement I ripped open a can of the Lil Crunchies and was prepared to go to town on those bad boys when one of my coworkers walks into the locker area. Fucking shit. All he sees is the baby food in my hands and that’s enough to set him off for literally the rest of the day about how I eat baby food “like a weirdo”. Fuck my fucking life. And it doesn’t even end there! Anytime anyone mentions anything about food when I’m around, he chimes in and tells everyone that I’m a grown woman who eats baby food.
I’m honestly mortified and I feel like I’m going to be exposed any day now if he doesn’t stop talking about it. I feel like now everyone is watching me to see what I eat, when I eat, how much I eat. I don’t know what to do. I have no idea how the military views disordered eating and I’m terrified that this can fuck up my career if I’m found out. I’m so close to just eating like a normal person just to take some heat off of me but I’m so scared that I’ll lose control. I hate this so much guys.
[Help] Panic attack over smart watch!!!!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 11 01:18:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bf7sg/panic_attack_over_smart_watch/
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[deleted]
[Help] How do you stay warm? Also: I am so fucking cold, holy shit, please help
/u/defenestrationdisco [5'8 | CW 54kg | GW 50kg | BMI 17.9 | -3kg | 19F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 00:35:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bf125/how_do_you_stay_warm_also_i_am_so_fucking_cold/
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I live in a shitty house. It is very damp and very cold, even in summer. The ceilings are very high, there is no insulation and the windows aren't double glazed - one of mine is cracked and there's a pretty bad draft coming through. My 3 flatmates agree it's fuckin cold but they don't seem to be struggling as much as I am, probably because they eat more than 650cal a day and don't have reynauds syndrome.
Guys, I'm wearing fleece lined tights under my jeans, slippers, a dressing gown, and 2 thermal tops and while curled up under my blankets, with my oil heater on max, having just had hot coffee, I lost complete sensation in my feet.
I've just got an electric blanket and I'm going to put bubble wrap to put over the windows and buy a hot water bottle but I can't afford to heat my room all the time.
Please tell me there is some kind of magic way to warm up without eating more :(
[Help] How do you stay warm? Also: I am so fucking cold, holy shit, please help
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 11 00:35:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bf0zo/how_do_you_stay_warm_also_i_am_so_fucking_cold/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] Why do you think you restrict/binge/purge?
/u/catacomical
Created: Wed Apr 11 00:28:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bezru/why_do_you_think_you_restrictbingepurge/
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My therapist told me there’s a reason deeper than vanity behind my eating disorder. And yeah, I agree—but I’m trying to determine this reason and I am seriously drawing a blank. Has anyone figured out the root cause/causes of their eating disorder? What are they? Hopefully fixing that will also fix my fucked up eating habits
[Rant/Rave] Accidentally outed myself as crazy (Not clickbait!)
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Wed Apr 11 00:24:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bez8b/accidentally_outed_myself_as_crazy_not_clickbait/
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So, I was talking to my friend and he mentioned something about wanting to lose weight. I responded by telling him I wanted to lose weight too. Normal so far, all clear, right?
Well, this is where I fucked up. He asked me what weight I was aiming for and I said "the closer to underweight the better", which to me sounded totally normal. I hadn't considered that most people probably aren't aiming to be underweight if they're losing.
We kinda dropped the topic after that but I feel super exposed. He was obviously uncomfortable with it and I feel so stupid for thinking that was a reasonable thing to say. I want to curl into a ball and die.
[Rant/Rave] I can’t even eat my safe food anymore!
/u/hanabira [5"1 🌼 120 🌼 100 🌼 23F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 23:35:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8beqze/i_cant_even_eat_my_safe_food_anymore/
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I’ve been on a weird funk for the past two weeks since visiting my relatives abroad for spring break. Coming back from a week of indulgence (the only think I ate literally was ice cream) I’ve defaulted to only being able to consume my ultimate safe food: potatoes.
The mild hypochondriac in me is convinced I’m getting solanin poisoning, because I’ve started to feel nauseous after eating my potatoes of the day and the only cure is to throw it back up. Absolutely the worst.
Good thing is, I guess I’m just going to fast and drink diet coke lol (while feeling like I’m dying on the inside)
[Rant/Rave] Everybody knows
/u/dearisabella [5'2" | GW: 110 | UGW: 100 | 21F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 22:33:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8befu0/everybody_knows/
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I've gained five pounds and 1.5 inches on both my waist and hips since November. It feels like everyone is looking at my thighs and belly and calves, and they know!!! I'm so sad
[Discussion] DAE have a hard time eating more than one food item?
/u/crochetyhooker [5'8" | CW 196.8 |GW 180|UGW 140]
Created: Tue Apr 10 22:33:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8befpz/dae_have_a_hard_time_eating_more_than_one_food/
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Unless it's cereal or yogurt where I can mix in things like dried craisens, I have realized that I tend to only eat one food at a time. Rn I'm making a little bit of hamburger.
[Other] Finding the right therapist makes a world of a difference.
/u/MissNietzsche
Created: Tue Apr 10 22:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bec3o/finding_the_right_therapist_makes_a_world_of_a/
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Let me preface this by saying I've tried my fair share of therapists. Whether it was for depression or for my eating disorder, pediatric or not, I never stuck around for very long because I found them all fruitless. So I completely wrote off therapy for a while.
Tonight, however, everything changed. I had high standards going in because I knew she was the head of the ED department at my hospital, and being from New Zealand, she's been all over the world working with actual models, so we're talking best of the best here. Let's just say I was not disappointed with her analytical ability in the slightest.
It's easy to write off therapists when they give you cookie cutter bullshit. *You're bulimic because your ex thought you were too fat for him?! Fixing that will totally solve your issues! Never mind that you've had BED since you were 12! AND LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR AND TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL FIVE TIMES A DAY WILL RID YOU OF YOUR BODY DYSMORPHIA!!1!1!!!11!!*
No, this therapist was finally able to relate to me on abstract concepts. She was able to bring to my attention that I have no role models, a shitty family, and the only time I feel alive is when I'm destroying myself. She was actually able to attack the core of my issues rather than scratching a little bit under the surface, and that was only an hour and a half of seeing her.
For once, I genuinely have really high hopes, and I'm consider myself extremely fortunate for finding someone like her who can help me get some much-needed understanding of myself.
I also happened to resolve to fully committing to recovery this afternoon, so meeting her only solidified that. So with that, I'm finally ready to depart r/proED and all other ED websites. Thanks so much for all your guys' support; I **really** appreciate you all.
[Rant/Rave] I hate my drunk friends
/u/iwanttoblowaway [5'8 | 116 | 17.4 | 21]
Created: Tue Apr 10 22:08:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8beawn/i_hate_my_drunk_friends/
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Look y'all. I love going out. Way too fucking much. Especially since it's spring semester of our 4th year in college, my friends and I have been going out way too much. I've been able to offset it by just eating less during the day. Actually, I have a weird relationship with hangovers because when I'm hungover, I literally don't have an appetite all day. I won't eat and entire day after getting fucked up and not even be hungry. It's great. But that's beside the point.
But oh my god whenever I go out with them, they always want to end the night at Cookout. I don't know if y'all are familiar with cookout but it's horrible. It's like 4 meals for 5 dollars and it's the best drunk food. So I end up getting dragged there by my friends because they won't let me go home by myself and have to get a 500000000 calorie meal. So I have to pick at my burger and fries and quesadillas or whatever tf else they gave me and pretend I'm eating it until I can pass it off to one of our guy friends so I don't have to eat it. Then all the guys go out to the parking lot to smoke and all the girls stay at the table talking and all I want is to go out with them and smoke a cig to kill my appetite. But if I do that, all the girls give me shit, and if I don't pretend to eat some of my food they're all like "oh my god maddie you're too skinny already eat more of your fries" and I'm internally freaking out about the calories in all the vodka sodas I had earlier ugh
[Other] Comedians/Comediennes doing bits about EDs?
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Tue Apr 10 22:05:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bea81/comedianscomediennes_doing_bits_about_eds/
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I just wanna laugh at the insanity that is an ED, because, let’s face it, it is pretty fucking insane. And if we can’t laugh at ourselves for having these crazy ass thoughts in our heads, what the fuck can we laugh at?
Low-key, I’ve been wanting to do stand-up for a while, but I’m suuuper shy and insecure 😟
Does anyone have any suggestions?
[Rant/Rave] Trying to recover, got triggered by my own legs. 🙃
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 10 22:03:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8be9x2/trying_to_recover_got_triggered_by_my_own_legs/
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[deleted]
does throwing up spicy food hurt/burn your throat?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 10 21:52:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8be7u2/does_throwing_up_spicy_food_hurtburn_your_throat/
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[deleted]
I love this subreddit
/u/cxwang
Created: Tue Apr 10 21:35:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8be4h9/i_love_this_subreddit/
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I took a break from this sub because some posts compel me to restrict. I wanted to try to go back to eating at maintenance levels but Instead I just ended up binging the last few months. I need to lose all the weight I gained by July so I can go on vacation and wear bathing suits and not feel like whale.
Sooo now I’m back and I seriously have missed everything here. Y’all make me feel not so abnormal and alone.
[Help] Is anyone else close to their goal that has found a single tip or trick that really helped them breakthrough and gain a sense of control in their lives and feelings of being more in control of life and hopeful that u can achieve your dreams and goals?
/u/BurnBridgesLiteMyWay
Created: Tue Apr 10 20:33:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bdr5l/is_anyone_else_close_to_their_goal_that_has_found/
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Have any of u reached an accomplishment, goal or success with your weight that has proven to make u feel more in control of your lives and empowered to achieve your goals after your success or progress toward your goals. I feel such faith that this will give me my sense of achievement and empowerment that I need to regain strength back in my life. Anyone relate? Sorry, I’m of those obsessive perfectionists and trying to get more realistic with my goals but hoping to see success, I’m just impatient. Sorry if I’m making posting errors, I’m new here and still learning, but u guys are amazing!
[Rant/Rave] Struggling today more than usual
/u/dikeid
Created: Tue Apr 10 20:29:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bdqeq/struggling_today_more_than_usual/
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Hi this is my first time posting to this sub, I just need somewhere to vent right now if that's okay.
So I weighed myself this morning and I've GAINED a kg (now at 51 fucking kgs) although I've been eating nothing but 500cal watermelon every day for a week.
I was going to eat some more watermelon today, I even cut it up and weighed it, and for the past THREE HOURS I have just been staring at the stupid bowl trying to force myself to eat one piece. Just so I have the energy to walk to the shop for more smokes.
I keep picking it up, almost putting it in my mouth, and then freaking the fuck out and putting it down again.
Because if I eat it now, I'm going to have to purge to get rid of the weight gain and there's no point purging one piece of watermelon, so I'd need to eat MORE to make it easier to throw up and I just can't force myself to do it.
I tried to get up to pee before and almost passed out in the hallway.
I hate myself. I hate this STUPID disorder
BUT I HATE BEING FAT EVEN MORE THAN THIS
I had plans to go see my friend today but since I don't have the energy to exercise there is NO WAY I am rewarding myself with anything, especially my favourite person.
I don't even have energy for a shower and my hair is so dirty and I look gross.
I'm SO TORN between wanting to be able to eat so I have the energy to exercise, or just fasting until I finally hit 45kgs.
Can't add stats bc am on mobile but:
5'4" CW: 112.4lb HW: 127lb GW: 99lb
Thanks for letting me vent and especially thanks to anyone who bothered to read this whole pile of word vomit. I love you guys.
[Rant/Rave] I did it again
/u/thatvillagermayor
Created: Tue Apr 10 19:46:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bdgu6/i_did_it_again/
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Ever since the winter, I've been gradually upping my calorie count because im literally hungry all the time. I went from 800, to 1200, to 1400 now. I always overeat and I want to purge rn because I'm so fucking fat and I can't help myself. I was around 200 lbs this time last year and last time I checked I was 147 lbs. I'm so scared I don't want to be fat again. I can feel the pudge on my stomach and I obsessively check that I can still see my collarbones. I just want to be thin.
[Help] Are the calories burned from steps walked on MFP accurate?
/u/uncommonlyaverage [5'3" | CW 100 | UGW 92 |19F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 19:46:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bdgsa/are_the_calories_burned_from_steps_walked_on_mfp/
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So on My Fitness Pal it is saying that I only burned 50 calories from walking 3.5 miles. That seems low to me or is it accurate? Online it says A 100 pound person I should be burning around 50 calories per mile walking 2.5-3.5mph (average walking pace) So shouldn't it say 175 and not just 50? I am freaking out because despite walking 3.5-5 miles per day for class if I am only burning less than 100 calories I feel like I should be exercising in addition to walking with high restriction (500 cal a day).
[Intro] Late introduction and current frustrations
/u/finnkat [5'3" | 94 lb | 19F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 19:46:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bdgq7/late_introduction_and_current_frustrations/
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This is basically just gonna be a long, embarrasing rambly mess so if you don't want to read the whole thing TLDR: I hate myself.
Ok, so, throw back to the beginning of all of this. I've struggled on/off with eating since I was 12 but nothing too major since then. Just a bad few weeks every now and then. Until I got a shitty job at a gas station where I worked 8-12 hour shifts with no breaks and the only food you could eat was food bought there. I gained about 20lbs in 3 months. So I kind of started 'dieting' then, just a little bit, until i rediscovered the proana side of tumblr and my old blog and oh my god if that wasn't the answer I was looking for! I wanted to lose weight quick, I don't care about my health at all.
So, one of my biggest inspirations in this whole weight loss 'journey' was one of my favorite kpop idols (kind of embarrassing) who struggled with body image and food and whatnot, and were really determined about it, like, doesn't-eat-for-a-week-even-with-everyone-pestering-them-about-it determined. So, every time I was about to binge I would be like 'would so-and-so binge right now? no.' and it would help me control myself. So now, this person is pretty much recovered, doing really well with body image, has put on a healthy amount of weight, says they won't diet anymore, etc. and I feel totally lost. Like, I'm happy for them obviously, they deserve it, but...now that's kind of making me feel like I have the freedom to eat too. Which I don't. This idol has so much going for them. I don't. My eating disorder is my personality. I literally don't have anything else going for me except that I'm kind of skinny, so if I start eating regularly and gaining weight? I have nothing and am nobody.
But I'm already kind of starting to not think about it as much? I picked my mom up from work and she wanted mcdonalds so I ordered her food and got a different order than the 'safe foods' I usually get there, even going so far as to get a sweet tea. I didn't even think about it until after I ordered and holy shit why would I get a drink with so many calories?! Then, later, I said I wanted some candy and was going to drive to the store to get something and my mom needed a few things too so she decided to ride along and I didn't even think about how many calories are in candy until I was halfway there and I couldn't just turn around and go home with my mom there. Even when I'm in binge phases, every time I eat I'm thinking about how many calories are in everything and how much I hate myself for eating it anyways.
It feels like I'm starting to recover without meaning to and I don't want to. I want to be sick and have this stupid disorder take over my life again. I don't know what to do. I just want to be 80 lbs ):
[Rant/Rave] I don't want to go on vacation.
/u/FreshOpportunity [5'1 | GW 105 |CW 115 | -30lb| F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 19:39:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bdf62/i_dont_want_to_go_on_vacation/
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I've always wanted to go to Thailand, and I made a promise to myself at my highest weight that I would go as a reward for losing weight. I've lost 30 pounds and I'm happy about that, but I'm still not where I want to be. This is basic af but I dreamed of being able to take cute bikini pics with the beautiful scenery and ugh I am not ready. I feel so guilty for focusing so much on dumb shit like this instead of feeling excited to explore a new country with my amazing boyfriend, and I have final exams that I really need to be studying for but I can only focus on my weight and trying to exercise as much as possible. I honestly feel like it's a waste to go in my current state and that I shouldn't go out and do anything until I'm at my goal weight.
[Rant/Rave] God bless Quest bars
/u/kaelidoscope [5'0 | CW 99.2 | GW: 90 | 20.40 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 19:37:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bdeqn/god_bless_quest_bars/
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I'm so full from the Quest bar that even thinking about ordering a pizza is making me feel naseous. Ily Quest, thanks for preventing a binge and also providing me with protein. If only you weren't so stupidly expensive, le sigh.
[Help] Need help tracking calories for fav "cheat dinner" - it's driving me nuts
/u/leahlilac
Created: Tue Apr 10 19:33:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bddtw/need_help_tracking_calories_for_fav_cheat_dinner/
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Hey guys,
Every Tuesday is half priced mussels at an amazing local restaurant. I get the mussels with no cream at all - here is the description:
à la Française Steamed in white wine, carrot, leek, celery, onion, parsley & garlic broth.
I counted about 40 mussels in total and I feel like I must have eaten SO many calories. I don’t usually eat the fries - tonight I had maybe 1/3 of them. But I’m not curious about those - I logged the fries at about 225 calories for 30. I’m wondering how many calories to track for about 40 mussels in the sauce. I only ate whatever was on the mussels, not all the broth. There was some carrot/leek/celery in the mussels...every single website I look up has radically different counts for 40 mussels! Does anyone have any ideas? I didn't eat anything else today in preparation for this meal, but I'm still feeling like "ugh, if I went over 1200......" and it feels impossible to tell :( I just want to track it accurately. Suddenly thinking it wouldn't be so fucked to bring my food scale out next time lol I'm so used to knowing exactly how many calories I've eaten, I hate this feeling. I also usually average 600/700 calories a day, so this is a stretch, but I'll feel ok for one cheat meal if I still know what I did eat, you know?
[Discussion] Tdee confusion
/u/Roseemacculate02
Created: Tue Apr 10 18:57:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bd5jw/tdee_confusion/
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So my tdee is around 1600 - 1800 and I eat around 800-1100 cals a day but I’ve recently gained like 5 pounds and idk what to do. I’m constantly tired and exhausted, I don’t think I can eat any less calories without being incapable of doing my job. Does anyone know why this would happen? I feel like I gain weight so easily and it’s super frustrating :(
[Rant/Rave] I cant wait to move out.
/u/infernosmalls
Created: Tue Apr 10 18:48:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bd3hi/i_cant_wait_to_move_out/
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I graduate in two months and then I'm out on my own for college. The thing I look forward to most is buying my own food for once, getting to be extremely specific and only keeping around foods I feel comfortable with. On top of this I'm going to be walking a lot more and I'll be busy for the majority of the day instead of just 8-3 (I'm taking a lot of summer classes).
Anxious as all hell about it but very optimistic
I'm hoping by the time I move I'll be back to my low weight.
[Rant/Rave] Fuck I used to be so good at restricting, now I can’t even eat below maintenance without feeling hungry as fuck
/u/orthoreXXX [22F | 5’4” | cw 118 | gw 110 | bmi 20.7]
Created: Tue Apr 10 18:48:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bd3cs/fuck_i_used_to_be_so_good_at_restricting_now_i/
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Today was the only day in weeks that I’ve eaten under maintenance, and now I’m chugging coke zeros to try to make the hunger subside. RIP my skin and head I guess but it’s better to have acne and headaches than be fat right
[Rant/Rave] I’m Either Fasting for Days or Eating 2k Calories of Carbs in 1 Sitting
/u/bpdix
Created: Tue Apr 10 18:43:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bd296/im_either_fasting_for_days_or_eating_2k_calories/
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I just finished a little more then a 52 hour fast with eating 2100 calories of olive garden :’) I’m ready to go into a food coma lul
[Rant/Rave] Did I overreact?
/u/xxnevi [5'2 | CW: 143 | BMI: 27.1 | GW: 120 | -30 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 18:29:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bcybh/did_i_overreact/
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So, back story, I cook two meals a night for dinner. One for my 3 year old and bf, and one for me because ~dIeTiNg~
Made their dinner. He's in the kitchen making his plate, I'm also in the kitchen getting ready to make mine.
" *Wow, that looks like piles of cat shit.* "
I side eye him. Say nothing.
" *Hey did you hear me? I said that looks like cat shit.* "
Keep ignoring the obvious bait.
" *Yeah, I think I'd diet, too, if I had to eat literal shit.* "
Grab my veg from the fridge. Still say nothing.
" *Man, that really looks like shit. I mean it really looks like SHIT.* "
Me: "look, I'm really sorry that what I made for me to eat doesn't live up to your standards."
Him: "well damn, I was just trying to play with you but I forgot I can't even interact with you. "
Me: "we can interact. It's just kinda rude that you keep telling me my food looks like shit."
Me, trying to show him what he sounded like: "Hey, my food looks like shit. Yo, did you know my food looks like shit? Hey, that food, right there? It looks like shit!"
Then he got all quiet and walked off.
I'm almost in tears because he doesn't seem to even understand how that's kinda fucking hurtful.
And me being the people pleaser I am, I hate confrontation and I hate this kind of shit because if it's not him guilt tripping me, I guilt trip my own self and make me out to be the bad guy.
* if anyone was wondering, it's herb encrusted chicken breast strips. It doesn't look like shit, it looks like fucking chicken.
Trisha Paytas stopped a binge.
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Tue Apr 10 18:28:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bcy11/trisha_paytas_stopped_a_binge/
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I felt like bingeing today out of habit, not even hungry, but three minutes into this girl’s 10k calorie challenge and I never want to binge again.
Visualizing myself getting that big and eating that food and making those fucking noises while eating scared the shit out of me.
Like imagining my bingeing leading to being as heavy as she is and still eating that way just.... god no.
I can see how these types of videos could be triggering for some but for me it is so off-putting.....
[Help] Is this just ED symptoms or is something going on?
/u/chocolatecaks
Created: Tue Apr 10 18:23:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bcwt2/is_this_just_ed_symptoms_or_is_something_going_on/
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I developed anorexcia over a year ago. After a while, my stomach began hurting whenever I ate. It would hurt to the point that I'd just have to lay in bed for the rest of the day and sleep it off. This basically helped my ED, because I began to resent food. Anyways, I began working out. I was consuming a very low calorie amount at the time, but since I was working out I had to increase my intake a bit. My stomach would heavily hurt to the point I'd cry. I went to the doctor, they took tests and everything came back nomral. They reccomended me a stomach doctor, but my doctor was suspious about my ED (she basically was asking my mom if I had one and etc.). Fast forward, I became vegan thinking it was an allergy to milk products. For a while the stomach pain did go away, but it's been back. I now not only cry from the immense pain, but it makes me vomit. I know stomachs shrink and can't hold as much food when you get "use to" restricting. I also know obviously none of you are doctors or can legally diagnose my issue, but would you say this is worth going to the doctors again or is this just a "side effect" to my ED? Like I mentioned, my doctor was suspious last time so I don't want to go again unless it's really needed. Thank you.
[Discussion] How do you even recover?
/u/ayybih
Created: Tue Apr 10 18:07:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bcsbe/how_do_you_even_recover/
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I don’t understand what recovery even consists of. Do you just magically not have the terrible thoughts? Or do you have terrible thoughts but eat ~normally~? Because I don’t think my thoughts and feelings about my size and myself and food will ever go away. I don’t understand. Id rather be thin and have terrible thoughts than not thin and still have the thoughts?
[Discussion] Do you guys do anything drastic before a big event?
/u/Jtgonc
Created: Tue Apr 10 18:03:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bcrjh/do_you_guys_do_anything_drastic_before_a_big_event/
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So not sure if this counts as a ‘big event’ but next weekend (the 20th) I’ll be seeing this guy I like. I haven’t seen him in months and while I don’t think I’ve gained weight, I definitely want to look better. I have ten days before I see him and the nervousness is making me want to binge! Do you guys do anything in preparation (workout everyday , etc) to debloat etc?
awkward moment ordering food
/u/fxuk [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Tue Apr 10 18:02:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bcr3k/awkward_moment_ordering_food/
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I was ordering food (in person) and when I was done, the guy was like “Wow that’s a lot of food for a little girl”. I’m not even sure how to feel about this. i look young for my age, and i’m skinny, but it just made me uncomfortable....
[Help] Anyone have a low(er) cal boozy milkshake recipe?
/u/User820125 [65” CW: Fuck GW: over and done.]
Created: Tue Apr 10 17:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bclc7/anyone_have_a_lower_cal_boozy_milkshake_recipe/
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I’m thinking coffee or chocolate flavored. Maybe something that could look like Boost lol.
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel ridiculously guilty when they don't work out?
/u/2worried2care [5'6" | CW 136 lb | BMI 22.0 | 26F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 17:22:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bcgdd/dae_feel_ridiculously_guilty_when_they_dont_work/
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I know this isn't unusual but I feel this crushing guilt/disappointment/disgust when I don't work out, especially if it's a day that I had planned to work out. For example, today I had planned on running for ~45 minutes after class. But I went to school and had 4 classes, for 2 hours each, including a quiz in pharmacology. I came home exhausted and figured out that if I take my rest day today, I can still work out 4 times this week (I try to keep it between 4-5 times per week). I rely heavily on my Apple watch for steps and just validation in general and I have met my exercise and move goals from walking to class. I will also meet my stand goal for the rest of the night. But now I'm trying to relax and watch TV and I feel insanely guilty that I would let my blob of a body stay stagnant. I feel like I need to burn at least 300 calories but I don't have the energy to do this...does anyone else feel like this when they try to relax?
[Discussion] Seroquel (quetiapine) and weight gain?
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5 |88.4 lbs|16.5|-20 |18F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 17:04:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bcbf9/seroquel_quetiapine_and_weight_gain/
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Shout out to my gals and guys with bipolar disorder! I had the misfortune of aiming for maintenance while also starting a therapeutic dose of seroquel around the same time.
One of the things my psychiatrist has been asking me about is increased appetite and I've denied it so far since I really don't want to slip up and mention EDs (she's already concerned).
To be fair though, my appetite has been through the roof and I've felt like my stomach has been carrying some extra weight recently, not to mention a scale gain of 4 lbs as well.
However, all of those symptoms could also be from eating somewhat normally after a long restriction period. Furthermore, all the people I've seen commenting online talk about ridiculous numbers like 12 lbs gained in a week which hasn't happened to me and I've been really careful with CICO.
Has anyone else taken seroquel? Have you gained weight from it? If so, how much and is it manageable? I'm seriously considering stopping it since it's already dropped my blood pressure so low that I occasionally faint with little to no warning and it's just not worth the anxiety of that and weight gain.
[Help] Dealing with eating at a restaurant?
/u/conspiretoignite [5'5.5" | cw:100lbs | BMI 16.3 | ugw:80lbs | 17F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 17:02:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bcas7/dealing_with_eating_at_a_restaurant/
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So it’s my sister’s birthday soon and my parents have booked a table at a western/mexican style diner and I have no idea what I’m going to do? There are no low calorie options or nutritional info online and the portions are really big (i have a massive issue with wasting food so i cant just have a little) and I have a vomit phobia so purging isn’t something I engage in. What’s the best way to deal with this so I don’t have a meltdown in the middle of the restaurant/keep my calories as low as possible? Would super appreciate some advice!
[Discussion] Job Hunting, what type of job do you have?
/u/qncg
Created: Tue Apr 10 16:50:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bc7gd/job_hunting_what_type_of_job_do_you_have/
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So I'm job hunting, what kind of job do you have? Do you like it, or just keep it to pay the bills? What are the best aspects and the worst?
I'm currently "counting out change to buy milk for the kids and STILL having to put it back" poor, so bonus if your job allows you a little more financial breathing room than that hahaha, and is obtainable without years of specialized training.
Mostly...I'm lonely, let's talk!
[Intro] I feel a little awkward introducing myself...
/u/photosyntheticperson
Created: Tue Apr 10 16:45:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bc686/i_feel_a_little_awkward_introducing_myself/
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But I feel like I should.
Howdy all! I’m not exactly new here... I use to post on my main account, but I was found out by a friend at university and things got a bit awkward. So here I am now, with an ED specific account!
I’m 22 and currently studying at university. I’m diagnosed with BPD, so you know I’m a fucking train wreck. I’ve never been formally diagnosed with anything, but my current therapist (who happens to specialize in eating disorders, ironically enough) seems to think I have some food problems... Little does she know food and calories are literally the only thing I think about :D
My main struggle is the dreaded binge-then-restrict cycle, but I’ve been known to c/s and purge when things get particularly bad.
Sorry if this was cringe-y, but I remember finding this sub ages ago and feeling understood... so it feels good to finally say hello. 🌿🌻🖤🐝
[Rant/Rave] What happens in the end?
/u/figglygiggly
Created: Tue Apr 10 16:20:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bc06w/what_happens_in_the_end/
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Sorry for the weird, confused rant to come, but I’m so scared about what’s going to happen once I hit my GW.
I feel like if I stop fasting and counting calories and start eating whatever I want (not that that will be entirely possible) I’ll just go back to where I started. People say that starving wrecks your metabolism but I have no idea if that’s true or not. I feel like the only way I’ll make peace with myself and be happy is if I reach my GW but I really don’t know how long I can stay there. In short, happiness feels like an impossible goal to achieve lol
[Rant/Rave] I got really upset about Coke today
/u/psychosis-mitosis
Created: Tue Apr 10 16:08:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bbwth/i_got_really_upset_about_coke_today/
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I drink a TON of diet coke in place of meals. Today I went to McDonald's to get a large diet for breakfast. When I was pulling away I resized that it tasted weird. I thought for a second that it might be Dr. Pepper, which I would have been OK with. But I kept drinking it (probably like at least four ounces of it) before figuring out that it was regular coke instead of diet.
When I realized I went back through the drive thru and got it replaced, but I almost had a panic attack. It made me nauseated and I wanted to cry. I had just enough to make me freak out. Normal coke is one of my number one fear foods. It's times like this that I wish I was able to purge...
I've calmed down now, I just needed to vent about it. Sorry
[Tip] I started taking my boyfriend’s vyvanse and I haven’t been hungry in two days
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 10 15:25:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bbkc8/i_started_taking_my_boyfriends_vyvanse_and_i/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] Non-food related things that you miss?
/u/throwaway002300 [25F | 5’3 | CW 102 | BMI 18 | GW ???]
Created: Tue Apr 10 14:50:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bb9oh/nonfood_related_things_that_you_miss/
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For me, I actually had nice eyebrows and thick hair before my ED. Now if I don’t use an eyebrow pencil/powder they’re nonexistent. Plus my hair is thin and lifeless :( I also miss being able to go out and be social with friends and family without a second thought. What about y’all?
[Rant/Rave] [rant] I feel invalidated
/u/thelonelykitten_ [5'2 | 131 | 23.8 | -2 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 14:49:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bb9e1/rant_i_feel_invalidated/
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So, I have this friend who I’ve known for 15 years. She’s always been a relatively happy and healthy individual. About a year ago she told me she thought her eating disorder was “coming back”??? Literally I’ve known her for over half her life and she’s never ever showed signs of it. Come to find out, she thinks that being busy and forgetting to eat or being sad cause of a break up and losing your appetite for a few weeks is anorexia. This girl is 24 years old, and she’s a smart person. I made the mistake recently in telling her about my struggles with food. She then went on to tell me that 25%(!!!!!!) of women struggle with eating disorders. She’s always been pretty dramatic, so I think she clings to this idea about what eating disorders are. I don’t even know where that statistic came from. Less than 10% of America women suffer from eating disorders...
Idk. I’m angry cause I feel like she was telling me it’s normal. It’s *not* normal to hate yourself when you eat, it’s *not* normal to want to take scissors to your stomach fat, it’s *not* normal to want to take up as little space as possible on this planet. I feel like she completely invalidated my experiences by telling me it’s normal and I’m so angry.
Basically I’m a terrible person cause I think she’s saying this for attention cause obviously I don’t know what’s going on in her head, but she had literally never shown any signs of an ED.
[Tip] Cheat days might be my answer?
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'3.5F | 113]
Created: Tue Apr 10 14:43:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bb7ci/cheat_days_might_be_my_answer/
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I'm a very "instant gratification" person, which is probably one of the main reasons I have an ED in the first place. But the reason I haven't hit my UGW for a year is because that instant gratification applies to everything in my life.
I give in to most the cravings I have. Want that hot n spicy? Go for it, and good for you for not breaking the bank! Sushi? Yeah fuck it, I'm hungover and grabbing that take out and laying in bed is all I want right now. Make a pizza from scratch? Look at me go, learning to make a goddamn pizza..
Moderation for a week almost always ends in over indulgence for the next 4.
But here's the deal. I'm finally at a great restriction point. The last two weeks have been solid, and yesterday I fasted for 24 hours for the first time in a few months, so my resolve is something to behold today. I'm steadily watching the pounds drop and I'm no longer in that 118 purgatory I know so well. I'm finally on my way to dropping below 110, which would be the first time that's happened in like 8 months.
The reason it's been easier for me is because I've been pushing those intense cravings for Sunday. I'll restrict, restrict, restrict until I can't anymore and I'll fantasize about that binge/craving until it's almost a reality, but by then I'm so hungry a carrot sounds divine. So then I'll tell myself, I'll just eat that sandwich/sushi/pizza on Sunday, and give in to eating this delicious healthy thing now.
This is what my Sunday's have looked like:
1) I'm not craving a quarter of the things I was craving throughout the week.
2) My ED brain still goes with the healthiest options.
3) My stomach is shrunk af, and I can't finish everything on my plate.
The one main downside is that the carbo-loading I'm essentially doing throughout Sunday KIILLLLLSSSS ME on Monday. Getting through Monday's are my toughest obstacle so far (which I've decided Mondays are now my fast days), but man oh man is it better than anything I was doing before to accomplish my goals!
Has anyone gone down this route and hit road blocks? I want to be prepared for anything that might derail me.
Thanks Loverlies =)
[Discussion] I’ve stopped counting calories
/u/frida569 [163 cm | 74 kg | 15 kg | female]
Created: Tue Apr 10 14:37:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bb5io/ive_stopped_counting_calories/
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So instead I just don’t eat. DAE do this?
[Help] I'm now obese and I'm deeply ashamed
/u/queer_cutie [5'7 | gw 110 | -7lbs | 23gq]
Created: Tue Apr 10 14:35:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bb51l/im_now_obese_and_im_deeply_ashamed/
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It wasn't always like this. Some years ago I barely ate, I was thin (50kg / 110lbs) but I still thought I was ugly. I was depressed and still am. But then it's like a switch went off and no idea why either. I started overeating like I didn't care and it's finally caught up with me. I thought I looked ugly back then but now it's so much worse. I'm an ugly disgusting 97kg (213lbs) piece of shit and I'm so deeply ashamed of myself. Why did I do this to myself? I just want to fast and not eat for weeks. I hate myself and I want to die
[Discussion] i don't know wtf is going on with me
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 152 | BMI: 25.29 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Tue Apr 10 14:19:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bazw3/i_dont_know_wtf_is_going_on_with_me/
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is this just me?? i've been restricting like a mother f*cker, mostly fasting, and taking caffeine pills and i cannot. stop. sweating. i am sweating like a pig for the last week, it's disgusting i am always soaking wet omfg. i need to know if this is an ed thing. is my body just cleansing itself of impurities? what is going on? *help me*
[Intro] I'm baaaaaack (intro, I guess?)
/u/MightyMuskrats [🐝5'2 | 🐋 | GW 115 | -17 | 22F🐝]
Created: Tue Apr 10 13:20:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8bahjd/im_baaaaaack_intro_i_guess/
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Hey everyone, I know I usually used to lurk and just read posts/barely even comment or interact but I'm back full force. I've had multiple breakdowns about basically everything recently (yay, depression and anxiety) but I'm done sitting back and letting myself wallow and depression-binge CONSTANTLY and just gain and gain and gain... I've gotten to the point where all I do is stare at other people's bodies... and feel jealousy. Even towards my boyfriend.. like, what? The? Fuck? my family is going on vacation in a month, and the day after I get back I leave for a bachelorette party. I want to lose as much as humanly possibly by then. I'm basically just posting to hold myself accountable and shame myself into actually staying on top of this for once... buying a scale after work tonight with my tip money and liquid fasting as long as I can. I'm done binging and I'm done gaining and I'm especially done spending so much money on food.
Thanks for reading, I guess? I appreciate everyone in this community and can't wait to interact with all of you so much more
[Discussion] The High of Restriction
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 12:31:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ba1sw/the_high_of_restriction/
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It is incredible how good restriction makes me feel. Walking down the sidewalk in the chilly evening air after school knowing I've eaten less than 200 calories so far makes me feel invincible. Restriction makes me feel like I'm on top of the world.
It's such a vicious cycle because it makes me want to pursue more restriction and makes thinking about recovery impossible, especially when it s one of the only things that brings me joy in life.
I can't be the only one?
[Tip] 90% Dark Chocolate: A Disgusting Angel
/u/myrtlewils0n [cw:118 ☾ gw1:115 ☾ ugw:108]
Created: Tue Apr 10 12:27:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ba0t8/90_dark_chocolate_a_disgusting_angel/
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I love dark chocolate, but the 90% Lindt bars taste like licking used coffee grounds to me.
HOWEVER — I’ve found eating one small square of their 90% dark chocolate bars at night before you’re done eating for the day literally kills my appetite. For starters, it takes me a hot second to eat it because the taste is vicious, but once I’m done, I literally don’t want to eat anything else.
It’s like a 60 kcal binge-b-gone. Has anyone else had similar experiences?
[Tip] 90% Dark Chocolate: A Disgusting Angel
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 10 12:26:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ba0rr/90_dark_chocolate_a_disgusting_angel/
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[deleted]
[Help] DAE when restricting really have a terrible time falling asleep?
/u/BurnBridgesLiteMyWay
Created: Tue Apr 10 11:51:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b9pnv/dae_when_restricting_really_have_a_terrible_time/
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Ive been restricting to 300 after a long bingeing spree and my hunger is in crazy control all day but it hurts at bedtime and it’s causing me super bad insomnia. Any advice?
[Rant/Rave] Cheetos for Breakfast? Aka, me dealing w/ the Snackpocalypse early this AM.
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Tue Apr 10 11:51:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b9pbe/cheetos_for_breakfast_aka_me_dealing_w_the/
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Yup, I shoveled hella Cheetos in my disgusting maw at around midnight-ish. So instead of panicking and having a meltdown like I usually do when this happens, I logged it as breakfast (lol), shrugged and just gonna chill and get my fat ass out and about. Exercise and water ftw! Not gonna beat myself up for basically setting myself up for a binge - tried to low restrict, and now I know for sure that that doesn’t work for me.
Lesson learned, moving right along!
[Help] -11 lbs in 2 days! How’s this possible?
/u/BurnBridgesLiteMyWay
Created: Tue Apr 10 11:40:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b9lrp/11_lbs_in_2_days_hows_this_possible/
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I’m new here, first post. I’m a little non-traditional in that I was successfully and healthy proANA yrs ago but was overtaken by binge disorder and fell into overweight as I fell into a major depressive episode and PTSD and was on tons of meds that caused my appetite to make me gain tons of weight and barely make it out of bed every day. As the depression is lifting and I’ve backed off the meds that never worked anyway, with dr permission, I’m feeling like my old self and can control my eating and hitting the gym. I’ve lost 11 lbs in 2 days. I have a degree in health science and can’t comprehend this. It’s not humanly possible, I triple checked each weight and the scale is correct. It can’t be that much water but it’s impossible to shed that many calories. What gives? Help! Am I just gonna gain a ton back in a day? How? Tips to prevent needed. Anyone else go to the dark side and come back? I know it’s gonna drastically slow down which will really depress me but I’m driven to get my old ways back being in control and don’t wanna screw this up. In a strange way my proANA puts me in a healthier mindset of hope and being in control compared to the bingeing and depression.
[Intro] An introduction and a rant
/u/shesturningblue
Created: Tue Apr 10 11:26:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b9h3w/an_introduction_and_a_rant/
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So I have lurked here for a while under another username, but I participate pretty heavily on xxfitness and they tend to discredit you if you express affiliation with ED forums so, had to go covert.
I suffered for Anorexia/EDNOS for many years in my teens, but for the most part I had completely recovered. However, last July I quit smoking cigarettes and gained about 20 lbs (despite limiting my calories, running and strength training daily). I guess it was too much stress, or smoking really does f with your metabolism. Don't smoke cigarettes, kid. they ruin your life.
I have since started smoking again (I know), but despite all my efforts, have been totally unable to lose the weight. I work out regularly, train in aerial arts, eat vegan (though, veganism was just another way to mask my increasingly restrictive eating habits). In my desperation, I have been heavily restricting the past several weeks, fasting for most of the day, eating small dinners, aiming for less than 1000 calories per day.
The scale is finally moving, but slowly. I can hardly bear it. I can't stand the thought of going through another summer in pants. Or having people comment asking what happened. even my doctor asked me what was going on that I gained 20 lbs out of what seems like nowhere.
I have never been this big and I don't know what to do, or really where to turn. My friends don't really understand and they definitely don't want to hear about it. They see me as healthy and active and aren't interested in my habits of scanning all my food and obsessing over it. They don't see what I am going through every single day, just to not see any results.
I have to wonder if my years of heavy restriction have led me down this path, if I will always have to smoke cigarettes and eat minimal calories just to be at a comfortable bodyweight.
Anyways, thanks for reading, I guess. and Hello.
[Rant/Rave] (Rave) Who has the best boyfriend ever??? Me!!
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo [5'0|BMI:104.3|SW:285|CW:230|GW:75|FtM]
Created: Tue Apr 10 11:22:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b9fz1/rave_who_has_the_best_boyfriend_ever_me/
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https://i.redd.it/mcl926aav3r01.jpg
[Goal] Flair update! (weight)
/u/crochetyhooker [5'8" | CW 196.8 |GW 180|UGW 140]
Created: Tue Apr 10 11:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b9cca/flair_update_weight/
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After my stint at the Emily Program (where they lied to me about my weight and I came back heavier than when I went in) and a two year b/p cycle I'm absolutely pleased to say that I'm down a little more than 10lbs. Thank you SO MUCH to this community for your support and for the bronkaid suggestion. I'm not anywhere close to my ugw but I figure I'll take gw 10lbs at a time to make it manageable.
[Tip] Has anyone else tried these?? I feel like I could do anything right now lol
/u/questions_anonymous [5'6.5" | 114 | 18.1 | -50 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 11:01:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b98yb/has_anyone_else_tried_these_i_feel_like_i_could/
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https://www.vitaminshoppe.com/p/bang-pina-colada-12-drinks/vz-2039
[Rant/Rave] Lost my sense of self
/u/PlanetArkanis [5'8 | 187 | 28.4 | -63 lbs | F23]
Created: Tue Apr 10 11:00:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b98qw/lost_my_sense_of_self/
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Hi, everyone,
I got laid off from my job last Friday due to company restructuring, and now I'm in a spiral. I'd been in my job for nearly a year as a customer service rep. It was a good desk job, decent pay, and I had the nicest coworkers ever. My manager, who had been with the company for several years, got the ax, too. Overall, it was the shittiest day I've experienced in a long time.
I've spent the last few days moving between intense depression and anxiety over my situation and general acceptance. I'm not unemployed, as I have another part-time job where I work remotely from home, so I have something to get me by in the interim.
I just feel so out of control. Without work, I have no sense of self. I'm not passionate about anything, and I feel like my career/income is definitive of who I am (which I know is not true, but it's certainly true to my mom).
Even though I know the layoff wasn't due to any fault of my own, I still feel like a gigantic failure. I started smoking pot while working in my position because most everyone in that field does, and I thought I was going to be in that position for a while. Now that I'm job-hunting, I can't do that (my anxiety about drug tests is through the roof right now), but it helped so much with my depression and anxiety that giving it up has been a challenge.
This event has also flung me even deeper into my ED. I feel like I have no control over my life right now. My mom is hovering and overbearing, and my dad is just overall really bad at being supportive without making things about himself. I love and appreciate them both for what they're trying to do, but I'm so overwhelmed and I just want to scream.
The only thing I have right now is my diet. I'm too anxious to eat, and I've only been netting maybe 1000 calories a day. I went on an hour long walk yesterday just to help my anxiety. I have nothing to do, and staring at job boards all day sends me into panic attacks that leave me sobbing in bed. I don't feel like I deserve to eat. Every time I decide to eat, I have to force myself to finish my food. Cooking gives me something to do, but eating is just...hard.
There's not really a point to this post. I just need to find a new job and move on with my life, but I'm so scared of being this huge disappointment and failure. I'm scared that I won't find something even close to what I was doing before. And, unfortunately, smoking cigarettes and restriction are my only coping mechanisms to deal with my emotions.
tl;dr: Lost my job, have no sense of self, now in a depressive spiral that has flung me back into ED.
[Tip] Vitamin Water Zero... may not be so zero (screams internally)...
/u/PineapplePrincezz [Height: 5'2.5" | CW 104 and fat AF| BMI: 18.54 |LW: 81.5| F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 10:44:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b93pd/vitamin_water_zero_may_not_be_so_zero_screams/
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https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-dark-side-of-vitaminw_b_669716?m=false
[Discussion] Does binging cause you to restrict, or does restricting cause you to binge?
/u/heyheypicklejay [5'1 | cw 98 | gw 90 | bmi 19.32 | 20F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 09:45:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b8l4o/does_binging_cause_you_to_restrict_or_does/
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While Im restricting/fasting, Ill tell myself that Ill be allowed to binge later.
While Im binging, Ill tell myself that Ill just restrict/fast to make up for it.
Both of these thought processes are horribly disordered, and asking about this is sort of just like asking whether-the-chicken-or-egg-came-first (neither bc both go hand in hand and all), but I just wanna know you guys think is the root cause of getting stuck in these binge/restrict cycles?
Do you allow yourself the reward of binging, or do you punish yourself by restricting?
[Goal] [Goal] How are you going to reward yourself for reaching your next goal?
/u/SuspiciousJello [5'6 | CW: who knows | GW: 115]
Created: Tue Apr 10 09:32:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b8gxm/goal_how_are_you_going_to_reward_yourself_for/
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[removed]
[Goal] No binge/yes nutrients April challenge 1/3 check in!
/u/nyny2017 [5'7" | CW 127.6 | BMI 20ish | GW 114.5 🖤 | 🍑 tidylithe]
Created: Tue Apr 10 09:19:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b8cp0/no_bingeyes_nutrients_april_challenge_13_check_in/
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Hello everybody!
Just checking in to see how it's going: we're tryna
- Eat nutrient-rich foods
- Limit "diet" foods and frankenfoods and fasting
- Not binge
- Emotionally support each other in being healthy and moderate (PM me for discord link).
There's still 21 days if you wanna jump on if these goals sound good to you! xo hope everybody's doing OK
[Help] Quitting a habit
/u/birdsbirdsbirds339 [24F| 160cm | gw: 145 | -16]
Created: Tue Apr 10 08:50:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b83ih/quitting_a_habit/
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Not exactly ED related but it contributes to a lot of my behaviors. I've gotten stoned pretty much every day the last 3 weeks and I really feel like I should cut down or quit entirely. I smoke when I'm bored at home despite having a multitude of hobbies and crafts to do (no motivation) and have finished my workout for the day. I know it's not addictive but I think I've become a little dependent on it. Any tips on how to stop? :/
[Rant/Rave] My body doesn’t want me to be skinny
/u/catsrule-humansdrool [5'5 | SW 211 | CW 176.2 | 23F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 08:48:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b839a/my_body_doesnt_want_me_to_be_skinny/
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I’ve had a Fitbit for a little over two weeks now, and despite having on average around 1000 calories a day deficit, I haven’t even lost a pound. This isn’t even with heavy restricting. I’m so fat that I burn around 2200 calories just by doing my job so even if I eat 1200 a day and don’t deprive my body of nutrients, it’s like, sorry, fuck you!!!
I just feel like SHIT because if I can’t lose weight already eating this little, how the fuck am I ever supposed to eat at “maintenance” level amounts of food and calories and not GAIN weight???
I honestly wish I could gain back the self control to start eating at 700 calories a day again like I was in January and February and losing 10-15 pounds each month. That’s all I want right now but I’m so mentally weak and my body is such an asshole that it keeps begging me for food. How fucking DARE it, right? Lmao ughhhh fuck this shit.
[Discussion] A revelation! Tamari “tea”
/u/written-in-the-scars
Created: Tue Apr 10 08:13:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b7v52/a_revelation_tamari_tea/
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Today I have discovered that tamari sauce (bit like soy sauce but delicious and gluten free) makes an amazing savoury hot drink! 😋 I’ve been mixing 1 tbsp in a cup of boiling water and it is soooo good. Makes my tastebuds think I’ve eaten! 9 cals and 0.3 carbs per cup
[Rant/Rave] Disgusted at my weight gain
/u/spyrothedaddy [5'4"|CW:102.8|BMI:17.6|F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 07:28:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b7kvm/disgusted_at_my_weight_gain/
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I’ve gained around 10 pounds in the last couple of months from being stuck in a binge cycle. Around Christmas time it was more of a binge/restrict cycle which meant my weight pretty much stayed the same but now I’ve been restricting less and less and binging more and more and it’s terrifying. I don’t know my exact weight but I intend to weigh myself tomorrow to trigger myself back into restricting. I go on holiday in two weeks and I’m obsessed with my weight gain. I look curvier (flabbier) and my clothes are starting to feel tighter and it’s making me feel like a whale. I hate being out of control like this.
Acid stomach
/u/fatpiggybelly
Created: Tue Apr 10 07:27:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b7ksm/acid_stomach/
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I’m trying to drink black coffee today instead of my usual cream/Splenda additions because I’m fasting until lunch, but how do I get rid of the acid stomach? You know, when it’s so empty and twisty feeling that you’re burping up a little like you might throw up.
[Rant/Rave] I've stopped taking my pills and am lying to my doctor who i love and trust. I feel like a failure.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 10 07:20:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b7jeb/ive_stopped_taking_my_pills_and_am_lying_to_my/
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[deleted]
Loss of height and smaller shoe size?
/u/ALeanNepotist [5'1/155cm | CW:90lb/40kg | Ugly gothic]
Created: Tue Apr 10 07:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b7j94/loss_of_height_and_smaller_shoe_size/
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I remember telling people in my teens I was 5'3 or 5'2 and buying UK size 6 shoes. Nowadays, age 25 I'm 5'1 and a size 5. I've never really thought about it before, but could anorexia be a cause of this? I don't know whether to be concerned but I'm more curious as I do worry about damages that will occur as time goes on.
[Rant/Rave] I’ve gained 12 lbs and I feel like a useless blob
/u/stop-meowing
Created: Tue Apr 10 07:05:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b7g9y/ive_gained_12_lbs_and_i_feel_like_a_useless_blob/
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I’m just going to preface this by a moment of complaining:
March was just awful to me. I had stopped taking Paxil because it was making my depression worse, and that was like slowly clawing my way out of a dirt grave. Then came Easter and the candy binge.
Ohhhh boy, the sugar crash that came after that was BAD (massive breakout, joint pain, headaches, etc). Now that I’m starting to realize the damage I’ve done in the past month, I just feel like I won’t be able to come back from this. With summer coming and all the cute bikinis, I feel like a water buffalo.
Anyway, is there any hardcore inspo y’all can recommend to get back on track???
[Discussion] A few questions for males w/ ED's
/u/800_is_perfect [Height:short | CW: fat | Gender: D:]
Created: Tue Apr 10 06:15:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b75el/a_few_questions_for_males_w_eds/
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1) What do you think pushed you to develop an ED? Was it one thing or one after the other?
2) Do you think males w/ ED's are more common now or is it that society's late on addressing the issue of w/ males ED's?
3) Did your ED begin w/ body issues/low self-esteem or was it some other particular struggles in your life?
4) Do you think there's any societal pressure for males to be thin, despite the popular belief that males are pressured to be muscular?
Would greatly appreciate the response, as I'm simply trying to gain better insight on males w/ ED's.
[Discussion] is binge-fast/exercise/lax bulimia valid (question)
/u/swagcat9000 [5'5" | 131 lbs | 21.8 | -37 | M |]
Created: Tue Apr 10 06:14:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b7543/is_bingefastexerciselax_bulimia_valid_question/
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[removed]
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday April 10, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 10 06:10:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b745c/thinspo_tuesday_april_10_2018/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 10, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 10 06:10:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b7449/daily_food_diary_april_10_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 10, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] Someone commented on my groceries
/u/meineschatzi
Created: Tue Apr 10 06:06:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b7391/someone_commented_on_my_groceries/
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I’m in a super shit place at the moment. I find out on Monday whether I’m gonna be hospitalised or not, and I was meant to get a blood test and ECG this afternoon, but turns out it was a fasting test and I need to go in the morning.
Anyways, I went in to the shops straight after, feeling like absolute shit, and was reading labels for chocolate and lollies and stuff, trying to find things that I could feasibly eat (low cal, portion controlled etc.). Eating used to be my comfort and now it’s so hard :(
So I bought a bunch of things because I couldn’t choose - I thought I’d grab them all and then I could work out what I could eat when I got home. As I’m walking out with my bags, this guy was like “there’s a lot of saturated fats in those chocolates, no?” I legit just looked at him in disbelief and he repeated himself, so I rolled my eyes and walked off. When I got to the car I just cried and cried. That’s my worst nightmare: people judging my junk food choices. I have to eat because I don’t want to go to hospital. I ate almost 700 calories when I only planned for 500, even though that super shitty thing happened. That’s a good thing, but it feels like a fucking failure. I want to convince them I’m fine but without actually giving up the restricting. I feel gutted right now.
[Other] misunderstandings
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 05:57:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b71in/misunderstandings/
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https://i.redd.it/2u0357r3m2r01.png
[Rant/Rave] [Rant] night/sleep eating won't go away :(. Any tips?
/u/Sidehothrowaway
Created: Tue Apr 10 05:27:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b6vm9/rant_nightsleep_eating_wont_go_away_any_tips/
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I do good all day it seems (most days) and then I go to sleep. 3 or 4 nights a week I end up waking up in the middle of the night and eating. Last night I had chicken lunch meat with salsa, a bit of avocado oil mayo (yikes), and a few bites of coconut milk ice cream. Logged it to be around 250-300 calories. I've been on Topamax a month now and the night eating had gotten less frequent and I'm eating less but it's still here. I can't keep doing this and its driving me crazy. I try keeping a safe snack by the bed just in case, but when I'm half asleep I don't want that. It's like it's not even me getting up and eating. It's like an auto pilot binge robot. By the time I lay back down to sleep I'm upset and don't sleep right the rest of the night. Now I'm up for the day and anxious and pissed off again.
The topamax has helped with pms binges and decreased the night eating a little. It is great for helping keep my calories way down and power through fasts as well (don't tell my Psych that ;)) She prescribed it for my drug resistant Bipolar t2 and panic disorder since nothing else is working medication wise and everything else makes me gain weight which compounds my ed issues. It does seem to help my panic attacks and mood swings though, which is nice. BUT THE GOOD DAMN NIGHT EATING IS STILL HERE!!!
Over it. If anyone has tips on stopping the night eating I'd really appreciate some tips.
[Discussion] Planning on binging
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 10 05:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b6szq/planning_on_binging/
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[deleted]
TMI warning Self-care after purging?
/u/CoffeeBonez
Created: Tue Apr 10 04:35:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b6miq/tmi_warning_selfcare_after_purging/
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So I'm fairly new to admitting to myself I have an ED or ED 'tendencies' so I keep posting on this sub, getting a response, and then deleting my post out of .. shame or fear, idk.
I seem to have fallen down the rabbit hole of purging. Just 'one more purge' I tell myself. 'But I won't reach out to people I know for help, because then it'll be harder to hide and I might not be able to purge again, and what if I eat loads one day and can't purge because I'm being watched?'
Anyway. I purged whilst home alone last night. I'd gotten home and had a small dinner and was within my calorie limit for the day, then couldn't stop my hands from shovelling an Easter egg and crisps in my gob. I probably purged far too late for it to even absolve me of my sins but at least I felt a little emptier. This time quite a fair amount of sick came out, and this morning I woke up feeling really rough. Eyes feel dried like I've been crying (which I haven't), feel a little sick and a bit headachey.
TL;DR any self care tips after purging?
[Other] Love the feeling...
/u/MsFaceless [5'8" | CW 127 | BMI 20 | GW 100 | 28F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 02:44:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b6537/love_the_feeling/
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Love the feeling... of my tummy rumbling... haven't eaten in 16 hours...
Love the feeling... even tho my hair is starting to fall out...
Love the feeling... despite the fact I'm always cold now...
Love the feeling... getting concerned looks from colleagues due to my excessive weight loss
Love the feeling... empty inside
Love the feeling... almost pretty now
Antidepressants got me here
/u/MoosicalWhimsical
Created: Tue Apr 10 02:34:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b63oj/antidepressants_got_me_here/
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So I've never been diagnosed with an ED but in my adolescent years had a pretty unhealthy relationship with food. I used to restrict for long periods of time, but I guess it's a pretty fine line between 'crash dieting' and 'ED'.
But 2 years ago I went to the doctor for mood issues and trialled a couple anti-depressants. Anyway, one of the ones that I'm on now have the unfortunate side effects of making me feel sleepy and HUNGRY all the time. It's actually one of the great things about this particular drug, cause sleeping and eating went out of the window when the depression got bad and the side effects help with that.
Anyway, I've been on this one for 5 months now and I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. Some of it's probably because I've been working out and eating even more from that... My clothes don't fit well any more and I feel bloated from food all the damn time. I think it hit a new low when I stepped on some scales and I've hit ten stone (I'm 5'1"). Right now I want to go back to my restricting ways to stop feeling so disgusting.
Yesterday I started restricting again. So here goes!
So yeah. I guess I just wanted to rant.
[Help] Someone please help me not to binge
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 02:24:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b62a9/someone_please_help_me_not_to_binge/
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Really bad urges rn.
[Other] Felt thin today
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 10 01:51:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b5xhr/felt_thin_today/
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https://i.redd.it/8f5kfvq0e1r01.jpg
[Other] Felt thin today - wanted to share lol
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 10 01:51:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b5xcj/felt_thin_today_wanted_to_share_lol/
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https://i.redd.it/ensabotgd1r01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I’ve hit a new low today
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Tue Apr 10 01:31:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b5ugx/ive_hit_a_new_low_today/
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To be more specific, I’ve hit a few new lows today.
First, I donated blood, purely because it burns 650 calories for your body to replace.
Then I threw away my lunch, I’ve never wasted food before, but my flatmates are getting suspicious so now have to pack a lunch...
Made my lunch for tomorrow and RUINED IT with salt, so even if I’m tempted to eat tomorrow, I won’t be able to.
3 new lows. Still feels like an improvement from binging and purging.
[Discussion] Does alcohol make me fat?
/u/louloulouise
Created: Tue Apr 10 01:18:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b5sfn/does_alcohol_make_me_fat/
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I’m eating 900 or less calories a day and im still fat. I log all of the calories from drinking too.
(Ignoring my v obvious body dismorpha)
Does drinking a lot make me retain fat?
[Help] Why are you competing with me, SO?
/u/Suusss [| 5'6 | 143 / 120 / 115 / 113 \\ 111 \\ 109]
Created: Tue Apr 10 01:16:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b5s4f/why_are_you_competing_with_me_so/
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My SO knows alllll about my ED - and he's usually the best about it, taking No for an answer when I feel uncomfortable, and cooking bowls of rice and leaving them beside me 'just in case' I'm hungry but don't want to admit it. So nice.
He's 6'1 and I'm 5'6 - so honestly comparing our bodies is pointless - I do it anyway - but lately it seems as if, because of his own mental health issues, he has been using lines like, "I didn't eat all day - I'm so weak" (even if a half-hour ago from that moment he ate two cans of tuna in a sandwich....) and "holy shit I am so skinny now.. I look underweight" (of which I honestly reply, 'no babe you really don't... I think it's dysmorphia from weight loss') directly to me. Even "I think you've eaten more CALORIES than me today" yesterday, about which I essentially died because I had eaten more than one piece of pizza (my usual) and felt so shitty about it. It doesn't make sense because he ate the rest of the pizza. Is he appropriating my ED ?l?o?l?
It's totally like that shit diet competitors do, like as if I have an Ana buddy I didn't ask for. And dude has absolutely no ED tendencies; he eats a large pizza on Mondays, burgers on Wednesday, and sushi delivery on Fridays; he loves his body. He has fantastic legs (should be a model tbh). He used to be 100% a carnivore until I made him more-vegan (he still has his vices) and so generally my dude is ~healthy asF and randomly got gorgeous over the last year.
Ever since I encouraged his veganism, the boy has lost ALL body fat due to his height, probably dropping from ~190 to 155 in two years. That BMI is still in the 20~ zone, but he is now 'hot' as fuck - somewhat gender queer, I was down for him to download a M-M gay dating app because I'm queer as shit and totally stanned him exploring himself.
BUT THEN. THE NARCISSISM. The COMPARISON. The rubbing of my stomach flab, versus the stroking and showing off of his abs, where he directly updates me on his body morphology.
Okay - clearly he is just happy with himself. I get it, it's really lovely for real - but I have no idea WHY he keeps dropping ED-related facts/hints/observations.
tdlr;
To compare, I have lost 34 pounds since September - accelerating myself to an Underweight status (yippie). Do you think my SO is trying to relate to me (why?)? Is my disorder rubbing off on him subconsciously, without really resonating with him? Why exhibit to me so obviously the same ED behaviors I have been trying to negotiate in my life?
Halp - DAE go through this upon 'coming out' to their SO about ED - or upon a pysical transformation of your partner??
[Rant/Rave] Failing at Life [TW suicide/self-harm]
/u/setniessesed [5'11.5" | CW *sobbing* | GW 140]
Created: Tue Apr 10 00:26:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b5k1i/failing_at_life_tw_suicideselfharm/
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Not all of this is really ED related but this is the one place where I can really vent. I feel like I'm barely human right now. I have to ignore myself the majority of the time in order to not feel suicidal - my body, the state of my life, what I'm doing.
I have so much I need to do and work on but I am so lethargic. I tell people that I'm struggling but they don't know how it's affecting me, can't help, or it isn't serious enough. I haven't told anyone the specifics;
- I've been considering the pros and cons of suicide daily
- I tried to work out concrete plans in my head for half an hour in class the other day
- Have been composing goodbye letters
- Relapsed into self-harm; cut up the entirety of my torso and burned myself
I do not want to die really, I just am so ashamed of what I am doing and not doing. I can't concentrate on much of anything. It is so hard to care about anything. I feel like there are two sides of my mind, one wins or the other wins at different times, one being the self-hating suicidal part and the other the rational part.
I want to do the ultimate self-punishment, dying, but I don't actually want to die. I feel like things are beyond repair when in reality it's probably not that bad. It's difficult to not let the irrational side of my mind win.
One thing keeping that side at bay is that one professor I really care for had a student that committed suicide years ago which affected him, and I don't want to compound that.
At this state it would be pretty easy to convince myself that it wouldn't matter. Everyone would eventually get over it, nobody would actually be surprised, since I am so obviously mentally ill. I have assumed from middle school age that I would end up killing myself, thought I would do so after I had been moved out for a while to dull the pain of those around me. I thought I would just end up trying to commit suicide in the most non-intrusive way possible.
Though I think my parents would end up believing they utterly failed as parents because both of their children ended up suicidal with mental illnesses. I could address that in the letter though (not that that would cure everything)
sorry if this breaks rules or something I guess. Just had to get it out.
[Rant/Rave] i can’t stop overeating and binging
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5’8”| CW: idk on purpose| BMI: obese |20F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 23:36:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b5bl0/i_cant_stop_overeating_and_binging/
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i’m scared to even count my calories but i know the progress i’ve made over the months is shot. food is my comfort and i hate it at the same time. i hate my body, i hate how fucking huge i am, but after a long day of thinking about all of the shit ive gone through, the only thing that brings me comfort is a nap after binging on something sweet or salty. it’s disgusting.
the worst part about this is that i sometimes really don’t believe i have an eating disorder. i mean yeah i don’t restrict to -1500 cals a day or purge all my meals but my waking hours are spent thinking of food. i hate it. i fucking hate that i don’t know how to just stop eating when im full, or that it’s so normal for
me to creep out into the kitchen at 11 PM and hoard food to binge on. i just wanna be thin and eat like a normal fucking person.
i’m sorry if this really doesn’t fit here but i have nowhere else to put this, or anyone to talk to. all my friends are “normal” and my mom always makes snide comments about my eating.
[Goal] A small victory
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 23:18:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b58jo/a_small_victory/
---
I went shopping with one of my friends today and I tried on a dress in an XS size and he was like, “you’d need to get this tailored, it’s drowning you.” And then I tried something else on and he was like, “this entire store is made for people like you, really petite with no boobs”. I’ve been feeling really down about gaining a few pounds and just how I look in general and it made me feel so much better about it all. Little victories!
Today was a really good day.
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | UGW: 93 | -16| F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 22:53:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b53td/today_was_a_really_good_day/
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One bad thing did happen, and that was that my best friend in the whole world finally got tired of my ED bullshit and said I clearly don't want help and he was done tolerating my behavior. He said a whole bunch of really judgmental shit. I said, "Good! You're right; I don't want help. I want you to empathize, or at least refrain from judging me too harshly for my behaviors. If you have decided you can no longer do that, fuck off. You're dead to me."
So that made me deeply sad. I loved him like a brother. I was shocked by his sudden exasperation with me. Until today, he was a wonderful friend-- always supportive and deeply empathetic. Never, ever judgmental. And I in turn never commented sternly about anything he did. Oh well. It's over now. Gotta try to move on.
BUT OTHER THAN THAT, this was an awesome freaking day. I fasted all day and never felt the slightest cravings. I didn't think about food at all; I was only thinking about what outfits I should buy on Amazon when I reach 93 pounds and the awesome parties I was gonna throw this Summer. I ran and ran and ran on coffee and three hours of sleep and got all my errands done and didn't feel sick or tired. My mental clarity was off the charts. I aced two tests. I haven't been losing weight fast enough, but at least my clothes are getting baggy. My leggings are loose and hang off me. Aside from everything being too big for me, my makeup and outfit were on point. I had the BEST teas, coffees, and zero-cal fizzy drinks, and I ended my day with a lush bubble bath, some Earl Grey, and a movie. These were the kinds of days I dreamed about when I first started developing my ED. It was like I was living temporarily in one of those cheesy Thinspo Imagines on Tumblr.
I'll miss my former friend, but to hell with it. I'm clearly doing well enough with restricting that I can survive without him.
I took pictures of everything, [if you will kindly indulge me.](https://imgur.com/a/aOZe2)
[Goal] progress slowly but surely. the first time ive been able to see changes in pictures and it makes me so happy. i am craving the feeling of being tiny more and more and i cant wait for the day i can get there. - these are the only unidentifiable-ish photos i am comfortable sharing on here for now
/u/bruxismbest
Created: Mon Apr 9 22:40:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b51cz/progress_slowly_but_surely_the_first_time_ive/
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https://i.redd.it/u1z98mp6g0r01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] When pretty people talk to me it blows my mind
/u/lunasouseiseki [5'9" | GW: 150lbs | CW: 172lbs | BMI: 23 | 27F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 22:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b512i/when_pretty_people_talk_to_me_it_blows_my_mind/
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I was in the elevator and this girl was tall, long blonde hair, perfectly thin and her skin was amazing.
There I am covered in pimples and 10kg over my GW. Imagine if a 77kg pear could grow let's and walk around.
So she turns to me and strikes up a conversation. My immediate thought was 'maybe she's slow or something'. I then realised how fucked that thought was. That the only reason someone so pretty would randomly speak to me was because she had a mental health issue.
I wished her a good day and rushed out of the elevator. I am a freak.
[Other] I have lost 8kg in 3 weeks, how can I continue?
/u/heyitsmely
Created: Mon Apr 9 22:36:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b50g2/i_have_lost_8kg_in_3_weeks_how_can_i_continue/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] TW SEXUAL ASSAULT ! ! !
/u/bokoblin-buddy
Created: Mon Apr 9 22:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b4v56/tw_sexual_assault/
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So like I know there are some people who whenever they need "eating disorder feul" they think of the clothes they'd wear or the way people would react to their weight loss.
My eating disorder feul is super fucking easy. All I have to think about is having my mouth fucked against my will. Or having my 13 year old best friend take advantage of 6 year old me. Or the way my latest abuser talked to me while he was doing it, calling me "thick" and telling me my ass is fat and he liked thicker girls. Or how I'd lay there and take it even when I didn't want to when my ex wanted to have sex and I wasn't in the mood. It's all fucking great.
[Other] caffiene pills are a gift from god (and other things)
/u/wetbookshelf [5’3 | CW: 98.4 lbs | GW: 95 lbs]
Created: Mon Apr 9 21:30:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b4mas/caffiene_pills_are_a_gift_from_god_and_other/
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I can’t EC stack because bronkaid is illegal unless you have a prescription in my state, but i started taking caffiene pills in the morning and around lunch and its awesome. I’m so productive and energized and for some reason it makes my appetite go away completely. I was sitting in the bath tonight and I realized I hadn’t eaten anything all day. I don’t even feel hungry I feel great!! Ive been feeling kind of weird because ive been weighing around 102/103 and before I was in the double digits, but I just weighed myself and I’m back down to 99.1 :) Plus I got to hang out with my new boyfriend today and recorded a cover with my friend I’m in a little band with. I also got accepted into this college prep boarding school I applied to the other day!! I know no one really cares about the non ed stuff but things just have been looking up for me lately!! I still feel fat a lot and I think about my weight constantly, but still. Life’s kind of good right now. I can’t talk about my weight really to anyone so it feels good to gush about it here :))
guess ill just die
/u/tsumanne [5'4 | cw 130 | gw 100]
Created: Mon Apr 9 20:44:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b4bv3/guess_ill_just_die/
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on mobile please flair as rant/rave
decided to open up to my bf over text just now about my ed and how i feel like its getting really bad. he goes “if you know its bad, why can’t you just stop?” and then starts talking about how i should just eat healthier if calories are the problem and all that fucking stuff like LOL if im opening up to u ab my ed i trust u to understand that its an ILLNESS and its not smth i can just STOP and turn off gooodddd im so annoyed im crying too bc i thought. he wouldnt judge me n accept it n say i can tell him buuujjtnntntt fnnfncn
[Intro] Hi! Long time lurker, finally got Peach
/u/lemondropsicle
Created: Mon Apr 9 20:24:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b479y/hi_long_time_lurker_finally_got_peach/
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I’ve just got peach and tried adding people from the mega thread but those are quite old and I can’t seem to find many active people 😅
My username is lemondropsicle, add me!
[Help] Do egg whites really only keep for three days opened in the fridge?
/u/zomb1e-dust
Created: Mon Apr 9 20:13:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b44wj/do_egg_whites_really_only_keep_for_three_days/
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It's one of my only filling safe foods. :(
[Other] That’s where you’re wrong, kiddo 💁♀️
/u/Jiggly_Poop
Created: Mon Apr 9 20:10:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b4437/thats_where_youre_wrong_kiddo/
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https://i.redd.it/rfr1vvv6pyq01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Just ed things: literally a bowl of PB2 for “dinner?”
/u/TheGreatMastermind [5'4 | 119 | 20 | GW: 110 | 18F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 20:06:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b4355/just_ed_things_literally_a_bowl_of_pb2_for_dinner/
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Technically not dinner bc my dinner was some veggie sushi rolls. Lunch was 5 steamed dumplings. Snack was halo top. anyone else a walking stereotype?
I also worked out for 3 hrs today; hopefully I’ll lose weight . I’m also doing sum intermittent fasting, except I’m pretty bad at it and my fasts start at 11 ish and end at 3-4 ish. O well 👽
[Help] Help?
/u/lottepot
Created: Mon Apr 9 19:47:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b3yn5/help/
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[removed]
Ana buddy?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 9 19:37:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b3wbj/ana_buddy/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b3wbj/ana_buddy/
[Help] [help] How not to fall into the rabbit hole?
/u/937beesonatrenchcoat [5"4 | CW 126 | GW 110 | 22.05 | 19f]
Created: Mon Apr 9 19:36:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b3w80/help_how_not_to_fall_into_the_rabbit_hole/
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Hi everybody!
So, I think I'm pretty prone to disordered eating and I have no idea how to deal with it. Last year I started dieting because my weight was creeping closer and closer to 60kg (132 lb) and it was making me super self conscious, but my anxiety and obsessive tendencies started to act up and it made me scared to continue, so I uninstalled MFP and went back to my daily life relatively easily. Anyway, this january, after spending a season at my grandma's, my weight peaked at 62kg (136lb) and I decided to try again: 1200 kcal a day, 40min to 1h of cardio daily, not counting the time i spent weightlifting, doing situps and planking whenever there's time, and before I had noticed I had a constantly updated "thinspo" board on pinterest and lurked almost daily on myproana. Big problem is, this time, I'm having a super hard time "quitting" this lifestyle like I did before. I deleted MFP, but still go to the website to check my calories all the time, I still feel the itch to exercise even though I'm exhausted because of the flu and I'm on the verge of tears because I ate *five* whole meatballs for lunch even though we had pizza yesterday and I shoud've had stick to the greens and veggies.
So yeah I'm kinda lost on what to do and I'm pretty scared my mental health will only deteriorate like that. What would you guys do in my situation? :(
[Help] Losing appetite
/u/skinnykitty1 [5'5'' | 124.7 | 20.8 | UGW: 115 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 19:20:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b3sfb/losing_appetite/
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I've been forcing myself to only eat once a day. I only eat dinner. Has anyone else noticed themselves losing appetite over time? I'm concerned that I don't even feel like eating anything at all at the end of the day. When I try, I have no appetite. While I want to lose weight more than anything, I find this concerning. Any opinions would be appreciated!
[Help] who can i run to...when i need help ?
/u/uglydelicious
Created: Mon Apr 9 19:11:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b3q62/who_can_i_run_towhen_i_need_help/
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other than turning to you all i have no other outlet to help me with my ed. and i thank you for being here. i have been spiraling lower and lower for ~the last 6 months, and what sucks is that i get nothing but positive feedback. i see a therapist, and am afraid to open up to her about my ED because i am afraid she will make me go off of my ADD meds or judge or think I am bc I have been going to therapy with her for years now. i cant tell my mom bc she has an ED herself, and sees the world in Pro-Ed lol... I guess I just feel like I have no one to turn to, but my ED just stalks and stalks me every day. And at the same time, I like it, and find that it continues to fill my void of confidence in myself. But, at the end of the day, I am still so unhappy with the way I eat (or dont). At this point, I also dont know what eating right even fucking means, which is my excuse to restrict. I'm just so annoyed by food and the triggers that come along with it. It is almost like having a stalker. It bleeds into and literally affects everything and I am always looking over my shoulder so to speak. Friends aren't enough to help here, and I dont want to tell my shrink. So where the hell or what the hell do I do besides continue on?....what does recovery even look like?
[Help] How can I exercise without being judged by my mom???
/u/onegoalfullcontrol
Created: Mon Apr 9 19:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b3q0m/how_can_i_exercise_without_being_judged_by_my_mom/
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Hi, I really need to start exercising. I used to restrict, now I overeat... and most of these problems started from my parents being so judgmental. My mom constantly plays torturous mind games with me. If I exercise, she taunts me for trying to better myself. She says things like "ooh are you looking to get a boy to have sex?" or "you're finally trying to get out of that ugly fat body?" or something. If I don't exercise, she says less things, but she still taunts me, saying things like "enough eating, you're already fat enough" etc etc.
The logical thing would be to do it anyways if I'm going to get remarks either way, but clearly I have an ED and many other psychological issues from her so all logic goes out the window. There's also the point where she taunts me more if I exercise - if I avoid her and sit still she taunts me less.
But I really NEED to lose weight. And the only place would be at home (gym is too far & too expensive, and it's still too cold outside for now). I can't wait until she goes out of the house because she's almost always at home. Oh, and I don't have my own room because our family is sorta poor and messed up.
Can you guys somehow motivate me to exercise with her presence, or teach me how to not let her comments get to me? Thanks in advance~
[Other] Baby daddy probably figured me out + other things
/u/ayybih
Created: Mon Apr 9 19:09:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b3pkz/baby_daddy_probably_figured_me_out_other_things/
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My baby daddy texted me last night and said “Are you still starving yourself or are you gonna eat with me tonight?”
I had no idea he even was paying attention what I was eating. Not that he would even care. I kinda feel like I can be more open about my ED around him now because he knows and he doesn’t care.
Also, I had 950 calories today, and then ate a bunch of pizza and I feel like the fattest ever like I seriously wanna purge but I only can purge with lax and that’s just too unpredictable for me to be doing when I work so early in the morning :( I’ll have to save my lax for this weekend.
[Discussion] Starving in suburbia?
/u/missdreavuss [5'5 |SW:142 |CW:114 |GW:100 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 18:35:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b3hga/starving_in_suburbia/
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I just finished watching Starving In Suburbia and wanted to know what you guys think about it if you’ve seen the movie!
I started watching it to try and trigger myself but it got really real REALLY FAST. And oh BOY that TWIST!!!
I think it’s a really good movie, although the main chick is sometimes a bit too angsty for my tastes. I guess they have to try and make her a bit unlikable so that people aren’t inclined to romanticize her weight loss and her ED. Some parts were a bit cringeworthy but overall I really think that this was a great movie and that it got its point across.
I do love the way they show the main characters recovery though. It’s so beautiful and I was rooting for her! I’ll probs never be able to recover like that but I’m proud of her!
[Discussion] DAE just binge/munch on sea salt crystals...?
/u/Grellous8
Created: Mon Apr 9 18:00:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b38ys/dae_just_bingemunch_on_sea_salt_crystals/
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New to this sub, so sorry if tagging is wrong or something...
Whatevs. I dunno. For me, I get a bottle of Himalayan Pink salt or this Rosemary infused sea salt that I got from Homesense and just savour (no pun intended) the crunch and the flavour. For me, I like it because I find it satisfies my cravings for something salty and crunchy, but is pretty much non-caloric...
...not to mention the post(s) below:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/6a73yi/new_research_suggests_high_salt_intake_stimulates/dhc7eh7/
https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/6a73yi/new_research_suggests_high_salt_intake_stimulates/dhcbuer/
...I mean, it's just one study with some disputed claims, but it couldn't hurt to try it anyways. Right?
[Other] I feel so far from my goal and my lack of progress is killing me.
/u/chrysanthemym [5"4' | CW: 140lbs | GW: 115lbs | Female ]
Created: Mon Apr 9 18:00:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b38xf/i_feel_so_far_from_my_goal_and_my_lack_of/
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First, I've relapsed.
I'm 140 lbs. Exactly back where I started last time and it's killing me. I just want to feel comfortable and I just want to get back to 115 lbs. I'm exactly 25 lbs away, and that goal feels so far. Especially since it's taking me forever to lose the weight because of my BMR being so low. It's roughly 1300 calories and because of my last attempt at eating so few calories, my body's essentially starved of all of it's muscle and is mostly fat (30% to be exact).
Because of this, I legit have to eat the minimum of 600 calories just to get one pound loss each week and the slowness of this all is legitimately eating me alive. I can't exercise because if I do while eating so much less, I'll get extremely faint and pass out so I have to stick with eating the bare minimum. But I can only hit 900 calories. If I attempt to eat lower than that I always end up binging.
I've been on a plateau ever since starting and my body keeps teetering between 139.5 and 140lbs.
It's just incredibly frustrating dealing with this because I wish so badly that I could just wake up the next day and be 115 lbs. and not feel uncomfortable in my body.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this frustration? Personal experience? Etc.
[Rant/Rave] I loved being underweight because I could allow myself to eat and binge freely.
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 98 | 16.3 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 17:39:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b33sq/i_loved_being_underweight_because_i_could_allow/
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I haven't updated my flair in a while - I'm now about 110-115 which is still on the low end, but I look normally skinny to other people now.
This is the maximum weight that I feel okay with. I still feel huge from time to time because I'm used to my thinner body and my belly is awful lol. Anyway, I'm extremely scared of gaining weight now because it would be too much and I'd have to lose it again and I'm not a person who has an easy time gaining weight.
When I was underweight people close to me would become worried and encourage me to eat. I would hang out with friends and crave pizza and be like "hey let's just order a couple pizzas at 2am" and everybody would be like "so good that you are eating, you really need it!".
I get the weirdest cravings sometimes and I would eat a shitton of icecream by myself because I *wanted* it so badly, or I'd still be hungry after a meal and eat another big meal just after dinner. And everyone was like "eat as much as you want because you need it".
I'm extremely dependent on other people's validation. So now that everyone thought that it was fine for me to eat as much as I want (which is a lot for a woman my size), that was the *first time* that I felt like I *deserved* food and didn't have to feel bad for eating. It was glorious and I loved it.
Now that I'm trying to switch into maintenance at a healthy-ish weight with unhealthy behaviors I have to watch my food *so closely*. My TDEE is a measly 1600-1700 calories and while early in my ED, I ate like a third of that, now it seems like way too little. I have to restrain myself so much just to hit *maintenance*. If I ate whatever I wanted again, that would probably border on 3000 calories and I'd balloon up. And because I'm not stick-thin anymore people will think I'm weird and greedy for eating so much.
When I think about how I have to stick to this calorie limit for the rest of my life I want to cry. I know it's not that little but it seems so little to me and I'll have to restrict myself forever basically.
[Discussion] Songs you relate to your ED?
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 154 | BMI: 25.63 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Mon Apr 9 17:17:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b2yiy/songs_you_relate_to_your_ed/
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it can be about eating disorders or not, just songs that make you think of your eating disorder or disordered eating. [this is one of my favourites and i'm shook that my name is in the title??](https://youtu.be/LzwEkckUrxg) [and this one is rlly good too ](https://youtu.be/tZwHrAWUka8)
[Other] When your ED ruins other people's day
/u/themclavicles [173cm | CW 130 | GW 118 | 18.8 | 23F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 17:04:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b2val/when_your_ed_ruins_other_peoples_day/
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So today was my birthday and all my parents wanted to do was to treat me to an enjoyable birthday dinner. I preparation I ate very little today, but I just still looked so anxious and miserable when we were waiting to be seated. My father got extremely annoyed walked out of the restaurant saying I was unappreciative of anything.
My parents are asian, they know I have a disorder, but they don't fully get that I can't just change my mental thinking with a flip of a switch. In the car, he started to lecture me about not caring about your appearance and how I look fine. I burst into tears, I rarely cry, but I was actually looking forward to a real meal...I try so hard to try to enjoy food again.
I don't know if he feels bad or not, I feel bad because I know they mean well. Now I think everyone is miserable and it's all because of this ED. I just needed to post this here. Sorry for the sadness all.
[Rant/Rave] I can't win. DAE feel paranoid they mismeasured when a small meal makes them full?
/u/infernosmalls
Created: Mon Apr 9 16:56:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b2tbw/i_cant_win_dae_feel_paranoid_they_mismeasured/
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Today I had 2 cups of chicken noodle and 200 calories of cheese. In total 340 calories for the day which undershot my goal by 260.
The thing is my meal actually filled me up. This has never happened for me and I've eaten this as a meal several times before. I'm so fucking paranoid I mismeasured. I keep looking at the empty can and cheese packaging checking the calories and serving size. I can't get it out of my head that I fucked up but the numbers still add up perfectly.
I feel sick and bloated. I hate this. Logically I know that I didn't over eat but I can't get rid of this feeling. I hate purging but I might have to if there is possibility of a discrepancy
FML
[Rant/Rave] Guy I like casually mentioned that I'm tiny!
/u/Plz_Can_You_Not
Created: Mon Apr 9 16:51:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b2s76/guy_i_like_casually_mentioned_that_im_tiny/
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Okay so I've always had problems with eating since I was about 11 but it has grown worse over the years, I either binge eat or I barely eat, there is rarely a point where I eat how I should do.
This means that my weight fluctuates a lot. I'm 5'8" and got down to 9 stone 2 at one point, I was considered underweight. I got back up to 9 stone 5 and was okay with that weight, I saw myself as fat but I fit in a size 6/8 so I was fine.
Then I got sexually assaulted so my eating disorder got so much worse, I was comfort eating all the time and went all the way up to 11 stone 3 in the space of like 2 months.
Right now I am trying to cut down and I am losing at a healthy weight, I'm down to 10 stone 11 and want to get down to at least 10 stone. I feel sick when I look at photos of myself at the moment but people still describe me as slim.
Anyway, so I was having sex with my fwb and he just stopped (he doesn't know that I have an eating problem or that I am trying to lose weight) and grabbed my shoulders and was like "it's weird that you're so tiny for your height".
For him it was just a random comment but I'm going to be hanging onto that comment for weeks! He's a solid 9 out of 10 and literally has a really defined 6 pack and is a personal trainer so like damn is he out of my league. It felt so good for him to say that.
I can't buy peanut butter
/u/dietcoketwistedmango
Created: Mon Apr 9 16:23:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b2kvn/i_cant_buy_peanut_butter/
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I keep buying peanut butter hoping that I can just eat it like a normal person. I vacillate between weighing out like 6 or 8g on the food scale to eating a spponful out of the jar. I can't ever just leave it alone either, I always want it! I feel worried and gluttonous if I have more than a serving a day, and most of the time I end up throwing it out before I can eat the whole jar because I feel I dont throw it away I WILL eat the whole jar.
I feel bad throwing away food but it is the only thing that makes me feel better when I am feeling out of control. I love peanut butter but I can't trust myself to eat a jar like a normal person. I guess I have to start buying individual packets if I want to eat it again becuase I cannot handel having a jar in my kitchen.
[Discussion] Anyone else have rumination disorder?
/u/Like-Smoke [5'7"| CW: 156|GW: 125 | -38lbs| F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 16:22:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b2kqp/anyone_else_have_rumination_disorder/
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I've had this since I was a kid - basically I can regurgitate food with no effort. It happened before I had my ED but it feeds into it so badly - I can just purge everything with minimal effort and pain. It doesn't smell if I do it immediately (sorry if tmi). Its so easy to just purge and I worry about the damage I'm doing to myself and that rhe ease getting rid of food will mean that I'm sick in the head forever.
Helpfully, there's no known cure either.
[Discussion] DAE struggle balancing selfharm/ED behaviors?
/u/styroprincess [5'3🏩f | 115 | 20.1 | -40 🍑 littlesister ig: lonerprincess]
Created: Mon Apr 9 16:21:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b2keq/dae_struggle_balancing_selfharmed_behaviors/
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i have borderline and since my b/p + restricting relapse i've noticed it's easier to rely on the control my ED gives me over cutting as often as i used to. cutting seems worse to me for some reason, even though my caretaker has told me both my self harm + ED worry him equally........ i feel as though i can "replace" the pain or numbness with b/p or fasting.
i just relapsed with self harm last night because i've been struggling to get rid of weight for a while that came on (from binging and period bloat of course 🤦🏻♀️💔) directly after hitting my lowest weight. now i'm fasting to make up for it and i feel like it's a good self punishment for doing it as it's a positive thing for me/i'll be happy w the results. the destructive behaviors plus the impulsivity just feed into each other. it's so exhausting. i envy the crap out of ppl who dont have such debilitating MH issues..
Luck with Laxatives?
/u/LainaLainaLain
Created: Mon Apr 9 15:34:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b27tk/luck_with_laxatives/
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Was wondering if anyone had knowledge into laxatives? I know dehydration can be an issue. I'm looking into maybe small dose ones?
[Other] Life is going great. Cheated on and dumped.
/u/PrinFig
Created: Mon Apr 9 15:28:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b268a/life_is_going_great_cheated_on_and_dumped/
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We were all set to move cities together. We celebrated our year anniversary on Saturday. I had a bad gut feeling and looked at his phone. He was sexting one of his friends. Granted he never initiated it but certainly fed into it. :( he didn't see it as cheating and wanted to make things work. I said cut her off and he said we couldn't be together. I took some of my things and left. We talk later this week. He didn't remove our relationship status so I feel like I'm in limbo.
I'd been doing so well with eating at least somewhat normally... I never want to eat again. I feel like my ED is the only thing in my control. I'm alone and I haven't talked to anyone. I have today and tomorrow off but I will have to return to work then have a 3 week vacation with no more plans... I don't know how I'm going to keep my shit together.
[Rant/Rave] fake binch
/u/swagcat9000 [5'5" | 131 lbs | 21.8 | -37 | M |]
Created: Mon Apr 9 14:53:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b1wem/fake_binch/
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lol my ex friend had an "eating disorder" until he stopped dating a girl who has an actual eating disorder. that's not how that works buddy, i've had an eating disorder for over a year and uhhh you don't just start and stop like that. fuck off.
[Discussion] April 7th - 9th Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 14:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b1sxp/april_7th_9th_question_of_the_day/
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7th: What colors are you wearing today? *(Lmao tie dye shirt with tie dye socks yolo)*
8th: What is your secret passion? *(Sadly, cooking. And sitting on my couch)*
9th: Where do you feel most at home? *(At home, duh. Also I really loved Portland OR. I currently live in the Midwest and that west coast vibe is so much more me. It was so beautiful (in fall at least), and so many vegan options! Which is bad because I gained like 10 lb the 4 days I was there. So Cal is also my vibe.)*
[Rant/Rave] I tried to go back to eating "normal".
/u/Gnarlyjtw
Created: Mon Apr 9 14:26:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b1osy/i_tried_to_go_back_to_eating_normal/
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"Normal" meaning 1200 (still trying to lose weight) and I gained 2 pounds in 3 days. Is it likely just the weight from the food? or water retention? Perhaps I just need to give it time? I want to try to lose weight healthily, but I'm very tempted to give up and go back to eating 300 - 600/day.
Note: I'm 5'5, so even 1400/day theoretically shouldn't make me gain.
Good stories about therapy
/u/RootBeerSoup
Created: Mon Apr 9 13:37:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b1ai6/good_stories_about_therapy/
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Inspired by the horror stories thread.
I'm about to start therapy and and getting more and more nervous. I'm thankful for the red flags I now know to look for, but could we have some positive stories?
I need lots of reassurance that this is a good idea.
Tag: discussion
[Rant/Rave] Fear that if I eat food that I actually want, I won't be able to stop, ever.
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Mon Apr 9 13:25:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b175q/fear_that_if_i_eat_food_that_i_actually_want_i/
---
I used to suffer p badly from bulimia. Basically would go through cycles of water fasting for several (2-10) days at a time, then binge-purge cycles. I recovered about 2-3 years ago, and ended up gaining a lot of weight during that time. I was more relaxed about food so didn't use compensatory behaviours, I ended up in a comfortable long-term relationship, went on hormonal contraception, plus the typical difficulties of eating healthily as a student.
I hadn't weighed myself the entire time I was recovered because I know how triggering it is for me, but I had a few drinks one night and gave in to the urge. I came up as being marginally overweight, as in my BMI was literally 25.0, but I'd never even been close to overweight during my entire ED or prior. I came home and nearly ended up attempting suicide (which was prevented by my partner).
Anyway, that was about 5 weeks ago. I've been heavily restricting since then (average of 600 calories per day to start with, now it's down to 250 calories per day, and I'm measuring and weighing EVERYTHING) and I haven't been binging at all. I've lost about a stone and a half. I've definitely been having cravings for certain types of 'junk' food, but it's been weirdly easy to just not give in to them, comparatively to my old bulimic days. I keep telling myself when I hit a certain weight, I'll let myself have a single cheat meal, but the goalpost for that weight keeps moving back. It's not that I think that if I have one cheat meal it'll ruin all my progress or make me gain all the weight back, it's more that I'm scared I'll lose control long-term - that restricting will stop being as easy as it currently is and as easy as I always dreamed it could be a few years ago, if I let myself have any of the foods that I'm craving.
I don't even know why I typed this out or why I'm oversharing, I don't know if I'm looking for advice or anything, that's just where I'm at and I can't tell anyone irl so... yeah.
[Rant/Rave] [rant/rave] The naming scheme at five guys
/u/papercut-princess
Created: Mon Apr 9 13:22:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b165h/rantrave_the_naming_scheme_at_five_guys/
---
Hi everyone, on mobile so please add rant/rave if I didn't flair properly. Anyway it's my birthday and I said "f it, I'm going to eat whatever sounds good, and not worry for one day." Well I'm sure y'all know how well that's going but I'm at Five Guys and they literally call all the one-patty burgers "little (burger type)" and the small fry is a "little fry" and idk, I know it's not worse than small but I'm so used to things being sized small/med/large that once they switched the name I immediately started analyzing what I was eating. I heard they had good milkshakes but I looked at the count and said "I don't think even on my birthday I can justify that." Idk, I keep telling myself I'm in control of this thing but, sometimes I'm reminded I'm absolutely not...
[Rant/Rave] ED always has to ruin good moments...
/u/rosecoloredidiot [5'3 | CW: fat| GW: 99lbs | 21F | 🍑 rosecoloredidiot]
Created: Mon Apr 9 13:18:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b14z4/ed_always_has_to_ruin_good_moments/
---
So I got some really great news today about being able to visit family and friends in a few months after not seeing them for a few years.
Naturally, I'm really really excited! But... one of the first things my brain came up with was that I'm too fat and embarrassing to see them. That I need to be tiny. That I can't see them for the first time in years at *this* weight.
It really sucks. At first everything was sunshine and rainbows, but as soon as I let my brain run wild for even a minute it turns into this.
Hopefully if I restrict enough I'll be able to be closer to my goal weight by the time the trip rolls around. I don't want to come back looking gross and fat. I want everyone to be in shock at how skinny I am.
[Intro] Relapse :)
/u/That_1bitch
Created: Mon Apr 9 13:12:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b139z/relapse/
---
So this girl i used to be friends is causing a lot of drama in my life rn and it's causing me to relapse. Ive been working on my DBT workbook and started a self recovery that was going well for a few weeks (already gained about 10lbs back without any issues) but now im going back to my old coping mechanisms, starving myself.
Can't think about people causing issues with my life if im always thinking about weight and calories :) anyway i was never a huge poster here but im back again. Im at 114 lbs which is still technically underweight for me at 5'6.
Not sure why im posting this, just a rant/hello again.
[Rant/Rave] Afraid to gain after weight loss
/u/Lairabel09
Created: Mon Apr 9 12:33:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b0rtp/afraid_to_gain_after_weight_loss/
---
I don't even know even know if this is the right place to write this but I seriously need to vent and I am afraid that loseit or 1200isplenty will judge me for this. I have lost weight after tipping into the overweight bmi and have become quite obsessed with the progress I was making until I dipped into the underweight bmi (18.3 atm) and realised that I still wasnt satisfied with my body?? I HATE my body. All of my weight sits at my tighs and I am not that confident a person to just own it! I just want to hide under a large hoodie but that makes me look so fat and aweful.
But I decided that I was still going to maintain on that weight, because their are atleast some moments where I like myself (not naked never naked tho lmao) and because my days seem to only revolve around eating and planning what I am going to eat instead of actually living my life. But I cant even manage maintaining. I try to eat around maintenance but then when I do I panic and go to the gym and burn off as many cals as I can in one sitting. I am TIRED, my skin is flaky, my hair is falling out and I missed my last period. I am also having hot flashes after eating which make me feel guilty for eating. All I can think about all day is food! But I still feel so fat!
Fuck. I never thought I would become this person but I so envy all these people with those low bmis... 17 sounds amazing right now.
Yesterday, I realised that I probably am skinny fat and that triggered the shit out of me. How the fuck am I supposed to do weight training when I don't even manage my old cardio routine anymore and then EAT AT A SURPLUS ARE YOU KIDDING ME
I should be studying physics right now but instead I am trying to figure out what I am going to eat tomorrow to combat my urge to binge.
I dont even know what to expect as answer to this but I felt like ranting
Hope you are having a better day than me xx
[Help] I'm really dizzy, is <200 cal enough to work out?
/u/thisfightisnotover
Created: Mon Apr 9 12:22:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b0ouk/im_really_dizzy_is_200_cal_enough_to_work_out/
---
I have to go to the gym tonight which is about an hour of pretty vigorous exercise. Burns 500-600cal. I was really dizzy earlier but I ate a little bit, can I still go work out in a few hours, or should I have more? I want to eat as little as possible without passing out in front of everyone, lol.
[Rant/Rave] is it ok to at least be worried?
/u/jennifers-body
Created: Mon Apr 9 12:21:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b0ojg/is_it_ok_to_at_least_be_worried/
---
i know we need to stop posting about other subs, but this isn’t *just* being mad at the hypocrisy. i’m worried about the “healthy” fasting environments. i don’t want to link the post because of obvious recent discussions in the comments of the other posts on here about other subs. but i will shortly explain it.
a girl posted a before & after pic saying how she wasn’t really overweight but fasting helped her lose. it shows an average sized girl with a *little* bit of a tummy and i guess characteristically “thick” legs. looks average before, not fat, and absolutely even more gorgeous after. in the comments she says she was 120 and then the after pic is 116, she’s short so a little is a lot or whatever. but she also states how she *still* does it even with how tiny she’s gotten, “3 days a week for 3 weeks now” was how she got to her after body. she runs before her fasts and eats just enough low carb or keto stuff or whatever to not go into ketosis before fasting. and even the people who commented asking her stats didn’t say anything after she explained this stuff, in fact they said great job and keep up the good work. every comment.
i know we’ve seen this before but this girl is young. didn’t state her age but it’s obvious she’s anywhere between late teens and early 20’s. as we all know that’s a very common time for EDs to show their ugly faces. i’m not saying she’s susceptible, not saying she’s using it as a coping mechanism, not saying she has an irrational fear of fat, not accusing. *just* saying that in that type of group of encouragement, good intentions could lead to unknowingly-unhealthy decisions & conditions, and then habits that become unbreakable, even past a breaking point. *just worried.*
worried about an atmosphere that says yeah keep going it’s healthy to only eat 18 days a month when you’re at an already healthy weight and have already achieved a fit body. worried about the encouragement of young, slim people continuing to purposely select days not to eat *after they’ve already gotten to their healthy BMI AND already exercise and eat healthy.* again, i know we’ve had this conversation before, it probably feels repetitive to all reading, and i should just unsub but i can’t help reading the posts, it’s addictive when you’re a disordered eater. she obviously enjoys fasting and its benefits but her body!!!!1!!11!! *if you saw the post, i’m sure you know what i mean.*
ok, i’m done now, i won’t post about it again, here’s the epitome of my concern about the fasting communities and similar ones, so there i’ve gotten it out of my system, so ***please don’t delete this mods*** and i’ll be done w/ it
# love you all, stay safe
^but ^really ^they ^are ^hypocrites ^like ^ur ^clearly ^encouraging ^this ^small ^girl ^to ^continue ^a ^strict ^fasting ^schedule ^with ^exercise ^at ^under ^116 ^!!! ^how ^is ^that ^not ^PROmoting ^disordered ^eating ^bye
Fiancé Is Starating to Notice My Eating Habits
/u/Flesh_Daddy_
Created: Mon Apr 9 12:11:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b0leg/fiancé_is_starating_to_notice_my_eating_habits/
---
He started telling me I'm eating like shit and I need to start eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But that nearly threw me into a panic attack just thinking about. I eat maybe once a day. Sometimes I have a little snack here and there, no more than 200 calories and if I do, I have a very light dinner. Weekends, I usually eat a little more because I'm being watched by him and his family. But I always try to fast during the week to make up for it.
But we went to the store the other day to buy him lunch stuff and he ended up getting me my favorite things like chunky Jif peanut butter, Knott's boysenberry jam, my low cal Life bread, and some whole wheat Ritz crackers. And now he's making me my lunches and it's so sweet and I feel like I'm letting him down.
I go to bed before him so he goes and makes his lunch and makes me a lunch now as well. A PB and J with some Ritz. And it's adorable and I love it and appreciate it but I'm being watched like and hawk so he makes me take a banana (bananas are a VERY triggering food for me, still have no idea why), and my lunch to work. And I normally give it away because I don't want to eat. And I'm just wasting food he bought and made for me because he wants me to also eat dinner with him. It's just too much. I still have 15 pounds to go before my GW and he's inadvertently sabatoging my progress and I feel awful bc it's not even a high calorie lunch but I will start to freak if I eat anywhere over 600 calories. (Unless I'm binging, because fuck me, right?)
I'm just so upset and disappointed in myself. I shouldn't be like this and I feel like I'm choosing my ED over him but it feels more complicated than that to me.
[Other] Thank you, summer, for bringing melons back.
/u/taikutsuu [5'8''|cw: 136.2lbs |gw: 110lbs |20.4 BMI |-9lbs |19f]
Created: Mon Apr 9 11:59:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b0hus/thank_you_summer_for_bringing_melons_back/
---
I absolutely adore all kinds of melon (water and honey especially), especially with how low they are in calories. In my country they're barely available from September to April, and if they are, something doesn't taste right. They're my go to snack all throughout summer because they're basically a liquid fast but a little bit of fruit and I always miss them so much!
BUT today, I found the first honey melon in my local grocery store. I'm hyped as fuck. It tastes amazing. Melons are BACK!
[Rant/Rave] Things that exhaust me
/u/handzies
Created: Mon Apr 9 11:52:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b0g1o/things_that_exhaust_me/
---
A list of things that are currently driving me wild:
-curry recipes that are less than 200 calories a serving if made with chickpeas, beautiful.
-my two roommates, on is morbidly obease and grosses me out with the amount she eats. I'll be trying to cook my dinner and watch her eat 4 hotdogs, 6 petifors and chips. Frankly it makes me want to purge, but she is so fucking nice and sweet to me! The other room mate is goals! She thin and elegant, cheery and vegetarian. With cool hobbies and fun clothes!
-the thought of my ex with any one else, because in my mind, him being with a new girl means she must be prettier than me. He must be happier than me. I must be a fat loser. Also the thought if me dating anyone else or even meeting new people, cause I don't want to.
-muscle makeing me feel fat. I feel like my abs push my fat forward.
-my violin hips! I dont know about others but working out and losing weight seems to make mine worse.
-this subreddit and how much of a positive vibe it is in my life right now. Bless all your souls in a very non-religious way.
[Discussion] ama
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 154 | BMI: 25.63 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Mon Apr 9 11:42:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b0ctr/ama/
---
i'm bored and want to make friends so ask me anything!
[Goal] New goal: longest fast ever
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'9.5" | CW: 157 oops | 22.36 | LW: 126 | F 🌻]
Created: Mon Apr 9 11:23:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b07bn/new_goal_longest_fast_ever/
---
So I have a body composition test coming up soon and I'm about thirteen pounds heavier than the last time I did it and it's driving me crazy. So I'm restricting to very little for the next 10 days, followed by under 700 for the next two months. Then I will finally feel moderately comfortable about myself and can start really getting to what I want to be.
Am I tricking myself into having an ED?
/u/katisakat
Created: Mon Apr 9 11:17:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8b05mo/am_i_tricking_myself_into_having_an_ed/
---
I want to start by saying I am a healthy weight for my height and age. I am really skinny though except for my thighs (pear body) and I really admire most of my body. I don't heavily restrict / restrict at all I just naturally seem to get full quickly. I used to be known as the super light girl, and recently I weighed myself (haven't weighed myself in years). 93 lbs and 5'1". For some reason I feel really upset and disheartened/disappointed. I want to be underweight again like I used to be. For whatever reason I've also been watching/reading a LOT of ED related videos and blogs. It's not that I "want some tips and tricks" for weight loss like some do. I am fully aware of all the horrid things about EDs and the emotional and physical damage. Despite this I feel like I do "want" one, like I'm trying to give myself one.
It's not for self harm, it's not because I have bad body image. I'm really unsatisfied with my life currently despite my overall happiness being higher than ever. It's very conflicting. So anyway I think I am attracted to the sense of community and IDK.
What I'm saying is : am I just "trying to get an ED" or pretending or what?
How much do y’all exercise?
/u/avoidfillingfeeling
Created: Mon Apr 9 10:57:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8azznd/how_much_do_yall_exercise/
---
Especially while fasting or extreme restriction? Anyone out there like me who doesn’t work out much at all?
anyone w tech knowledge know what is wrong with MPA?
/u/silent878
Created: Mon Apr 9 10:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8azuqo/anyone_w_tech_knowledge_know_what_is_wrong_with/
---
I'm just curious... the site is basically unusable as far as I'm concerned. constant error pages, you can't PM. it's been going on forever by this point.
is the code so old it doesn't work anymore? just wondering if someone more knowledgeable knows. thx 🐨
[Rant/Rave] Lost another pound and binged 🙄
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 130 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 20 F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 10:08:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8azlow/lost_another_pound_and_binged/
---
Why do I do this to myself? Why? I'm at 127.8 now... or this morning before my binge and saw that, was ecstatic then decided to eat an entire sleeve of saltines. (170 kcal per 10) a slushie I've had hiding in my freezer (170) and some milk chocolate covered coffee beans. (~155 per 1oz)
🎶 oh I hate myself, yes i hate myself why do i do this to myself?🎶
cool numbered text post about how much i hate myself,,,,,,must see
/u/weirdgrossworm
Created: Mon Apr 9 10:06:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8azl0x/cool_numbered_text_post_about_how_much_i_hate/
---
1 honestly ive lurked here for a fairly long time and i dont know how much the crowd here will relate to this but here goes... i've always had very little friends but the ones i have had have a way easier time finding guys who wanna date them (or at the very least bang them) (which im not interested in) than i have. in fact i have never been asked out once in my life besides by 4-5 yrs older guys on the internet and i am now 16.5 years old. Im convinced its my weight.
2 im not necessarily saying your value depends on how much male attention you get, but a certain facet of it does, like your value on the sexual market or whatever. but still its easy to understand why its really concerning when youre missing a milestone that nearly everyone in your age range has passed time and time again. i feel worthless because of it. i feel like a freak. and the feedback loop of my self hatred and confirmation bias isn't helping me reach top tier mental health.
3 i dont think i am ugly. like objectively. i have very good hygiene and all that shit , i dont smell like cabbage, and im p sure i dont have advanced brainwave auras that repel guys. however i am fucking fat. i am 5'4 and 175 lbs and it doesnt help that i'm afraid of people and tend to be cynical about them.
4 yeah i guess i really want a bf can u blame me? i dont think i want one enough to seem desperate though.
5 idk if someone will tell me to be more assertive since girls dont seem to need to be. anyways i had met this guy near me who REALLY seemed to like me, we talked every day and i met up with him /had a great time etc, he wouldnt do anything though. after months of waiting i snapped and told him my feelings and he goes "no im good how it is". that made me want to kill myself because it just reaffirmed to me my total incompetence when it comes to guys. my main theory is that he was into me until we met irl and he saw how fat i was / my weird mannerisms and decided he could do better. nice!
im done now, pls reply if u relate because i feel completely alone in this problem and i need support
[Help] Meds!
/u/UnderseaK [5'7 | cw: 150lbs | bmi:23.4 | gw: 110lbs]
Created: Mon Apr 9 09:38:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8azcll/meds/
---
Disclaimer: I'm NOT asking for actual medical advice! I'm just curious about others' experiences and looking for ideas on what to talk to my doctor about.
So for a bit of background, I've struggled with GAD (yay panic attacks!) for a decade, and I went on meds for it two years ago. My Dr also diagnosed me last year with atypical anorexia b/p subtype and suspects bipolar 2. We've been working on tweaking my meds, but they are not really helping.
I've been on prozac (bad migraines, never again), zoloft (didn't help), lithium, geodon, and now she's got me on effexor and lamictal.
Has anyone had better luck with any other meds? I've got a buddy with bipolar 2 on wellbutrin and I've heard good things about that. I've got an appointment with my doc in a few weeks and I'm thinking about asking her about different meds we can try. Anyone have any advice or ideas of things to ask her about?
[Other] Tfw you’re having a bad day and want to binge
/u/Sgt_rumble
Created: Mon Apr 9 09:28:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aza3d/tfw_youre_having_a_bad_day_and_want_to_binge/
---
But you weigh each cracker and hummus and you’re still 3 calories under the limit wooo self control!!!
[Help] Chest pain??
/u/Greeneloaf
Created: Mon Apr 9 08:17:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ayqv8/chest_pain/
---
I’m trying not to panic because I’m sure that will only make it worse but I’m having very dull aches in the center of my chest, it’s like a throbbing pain and it’s worse when I breathe in.
Things to note: I just finished a 3 day fast, I’m 20 5’5” 110 lbs, I haven’t purged in about a week, I usually just heavily restrict and fast.
[Rant/Rave] My Mom asked me if I have an eating disorder last week and I've gained like five pounds since then to prove her wrong
/u/am_i_the_grasshole [5'7 | CW:112 | 17.5 | GW: 108| HW: 136|F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 07:47:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ayixt/my_mom_asked_me_if_i_have_an_eating_disorder_last/
---
Not intentionally, just that she's always around now so I've been eating so much around her it's insane.
I know it's probably not a real five pounds, but I feel like it is, and I just feel so flabby and disgusting right now I want to tear off my own skin to escape.
AND I'm taking my engagement pictures in two weeks, so goddamnit I have to get back down to 110 before then. Right now I'm like 118. Hopefully minus water weight that's like 115 or 114. I can lose five pounds in two weeks, if I were alone easy.
But with my mom around and now that I'm on her radar, this is gonna be hard.
[Other] MFP got hacked?
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 130 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 20 F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 07:33:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ayfp2/mfp_got_hacked/
---
Anyone else hear of this? I just got an email basically saying that all the info - names, emails, and passwords got leaked essentially?
Stay safe!
what bmi indicates serious cause for concern?
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | CW 48.3 | BMI 17.7 | GW 47 | UGW 45]
Created: Mon Apr 9 07:07:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ay9kz/what_bmi_indicates_serious_cause_for_concern/
---
i know some sources states anorexia goes from 'mild' to 'moderate' below 17, but at what bmi do you think things get more serious?
(ofc i know bmi is very reductionist and theres a whole host of other factors to play in health but yeah)
Binge eating bc "recovery".
/u/eviesfuture
Created: Mon Apr 9 06:43:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ay47m/binge_eating_bc_recovery/
---
Ahhh fuck me.
On Sunday, my dumbass watched a little too many meditation and wellness videos and got it in my head that I if I wanted to be happy, I'd need to find a balance between eating instead of restricting hardcore all the time. So yeah, this ass decided to eat intuitively and enjoy a good day at home.
It started well!
I finally accepted my big brother's offer to take me out for ice cream (he's been offering ever since he got a job, so for three years). I ate that cone, and then lunch at home. And a granola bar, and four slices of toast with butter.
Then dinner with my family, and ice cream after they went to sleep. I slept with a bag of tortilla chips, shoving it in my mouth bc ha look, eating is good. Disordered who?
I feel like shit now.
I look like shit, and I'm up by 1.8 kilos. My stomach literally feels like it's going to tear from the inside.
So yeah, that was my Sunday, now it's Monday and I did the same thing again! I hate myself so much :D
Heh, dumbest thing is I'm still an optimistic fool, so I think tmw will be better.
Does anyone feel the same way/ has anyone broken a binge cycle? Please help, I think I'm talking into a void.
[Discussion] Can my therapist admit me for self harm?
/u/jholtz27 [5'4" | CW: 128 | GW1:120| UGW: 110 | BMI: 21.9 | F21]
Created: Mon Apr 9 06:38:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ay32e/can_my_therapist_admit_me_for_self_harm/
---
I know this isn't exactly about my ED, but I don't know where else to post right now. So, CW: self harm.
I cut myself for the first time yesterday. It wasn't a lot, but it was the first time I ever did it deliberately. I was overwhelmed with depression and hating my body, I just felt like I'd do something worse if I didn't do it.
I don't want to make a habit of it, but I also can't promise myself I won't do it again.
I trust my therapist a lot, and I am always honest with him, because I know that's the best way for me to get better. But I don't know if he might try telling someone about this or having me get admitted if he knew. He wouldn't want to break my trust, but he would want to protect me, I think.
So basically, is a therapist allowed to break patient confidentiality for non-suicidal self harm, or no?
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! April 09, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 9 06:15:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8axydc/weekly_stats_update_april_09_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for April 09, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 09, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Apr 9 06:14:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8axyca/daily_food_diary_april_09_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 09, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] I’m trying to set a good example for my foster child...
/u/lost-in-limbo1990 [5’8” | 27F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 05:44:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8axs61/im_trying_to_set_a_good_example_for_my_foster/
---
My wife and I recently became licensed to foster, and we have a 12 y/o girl staying with us for a short term period. I haven’t abused diuretics or laxatives for a couple of weeks now, but I’ve been working to not obsessively count calories since she came. She doesn’t appear to have any eating issues, but I also don’t want to give her any ideas. My weigh loss has pretty much come to a halt and I feel so disgusting. We had a “junk food girls’ night” over the weekend, and it all tasted so good but I just... blah.
I really am trying to be healthy and do what I need to do to be a good parent. I also have a Bipolar I diagnosis, so I’m making sure I take my meds and eat and upkeep my house. But I’m so emotionally exhausted. I know it’ll get easier, but gosh I am fighting some really tough thought paths.
As I haven’t been a parent before, I’m not sure how to balance my need to keep on track with my eating goals (as unhealthy as they are) while taking care of a kid. Does anyone have any recommendations on how to balance everything?
[Help] Not ED related but had a traumatic? experience and needed somewhere to share.
/u/clareinthereddress
Created: Mon Apr 9 05:38:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8axr5m/not_ed_related_but_had_a_traumatic_experience_and/
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So sorry in advance cause this is not related to my ED. But something happened to me yesterday and I'm totally unsettled still and I don't know how to feel. I have a daughter, and I found this indoor jungle gym place to take her to run around and play. I figured it would be a good way for me to burn some calories and have fun together.
Everything was going fine. We were having a great time running around playing together. She's only three so I was holding her hand and we were doing everything together so I didn't lose her. We went to climb a staircase thing and she wrapped her hands around a man's waist who was on his phone accidentally so I apologized and we kept running up the stairs.
When we got to the top, I noticed the man was following me. I stopped to wait for him, assuming he wanted to say something to me about my daughter touching him accidentally. He came up to me smiling and he said something about my tattoos. Okay. This part is blurry. I don't want to sound racist or anything either. But he had a very thick accent and I couldn't quite understand exactly what he said, just something to the effect of hey nice tattoos.
He was looking at my body up and down and I just froze, because I knew he was looking for my "tattoos" but it was kind of obvious he was checking me out a little too much. I turned my head and let go of my daughters hand for a second and she bolted away. I told the man sorry gotta run and get my kid and he grabbed the back of my shirt and bra, pulled it forward and looked down the back of my shirt and touched my lower back.
Okay. I have tattoos down there too. But he would have not known that, and put his hands on my body, my bare skin. He touched my bra and looked down the back, he would've seen I had a red bra on. I didn't even know what to do. I just sort of ran away. And then I couldn't find my daughter in the fog of what the fuck just happened. I sat down at the top of a slide and cried. Luckily I found my daughter within five minutes, but I didn't know what to do afterwards. Was I overreacting? Should I have said something to staff? Was this some sort of cultural difference I was just ignorant of? I can't help but feel....violated. I have been sexually assaulted as a teenager and while the situations were clearly different the feelings I am feeling are similar.
Sorry this isn't ED related. For what it's worth, stuff like this and harassment from males really seemed to pick up once my ED got worse, but that's probably correlation and not causation. Thanks for reading.
[Discussion] Really just want to do meal replacement shakes instead of actual food
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | too scared to weigh - Waist size 27 | 25F ]
Created: Mon Apr 9 04:51:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8axin7/really_just_want_to_do_meal_replacement_shakes/
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[removed]
[Other] Conflicted with what I want.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 9 04:45:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8axhj9/conflicted_with_what_i_want/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8axhj9/conflicted_with_what_i_want/
[Goal] How I finna be
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 9 04:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8axc6i/how_i_finna_be/
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https://i.redd.it/ev261n78yuq01.jpg
Dumb shit you’ve heard Psychiayrists say
/u/Profeshed [5'6 | 141 | GW: 118 | WG +10 | 26F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 01:53:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aws28/dumb_shit_youve_heard_psychiayrists_say/
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Share any and all stupid things you’ve heard a psychiatrist say about your or someone else’s ED before.
(This post was inspired by another user’s comment in this sub, I’ll credit them if they’d like the recognition ☺️)
[Discussion] DAE binge in order to starve?
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 00:48:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8awi27/dae_binge_in_order_to_starve/
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So like, if I want to fast the next day, I usually binge the night before cause I know I'll hate myself enough to starve the next day. Whereas if I don't binge I can just be like "fuck starving, I don't feel like it."
I can only seem to starve on days that I binged the day before, or on days that I starved the day before, cause then it's like a streak lol. Anyone else?
[Discussion] restricting
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 157 | BMI: 26.1 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Mon Apr 9 00:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8awg5p/restricting/
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for the first time in a long time, i have restricted in the last 4 days and lost 3 pounds. i finally feel like i'm gaining my power back and my self control and i'm so proud!
[Rant/Rave] My friend makes me feel both fat and like I can’t lose any more weight
/u/publius-esquire [5'6" | CW 120 | GW 110 | HW 146 | BMI: 19.52 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 9 00:29:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8awf5z/my_friend_makes_me_feel_both_fat_and_like_i_cant/
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My friend is much more towards the restricting side of disordered behaviors than I am. I have always been a binge/compulsive/emotional eater but since September I’ve lost 20 lbs because I went on Adderall for my ADHD.
My friend and I have talked about our body dysmorphia and disordered eating patterns for a while and she has lost weight since December so she’s now a lower BMI than I am (probably by like .2-.8). She’s also an athlete (college) so she has more muscle than I do. While I understand and feel her reasons for saying she’s fat, it’s still hurtful to me when she says she is.
She also sabotages me when we eat together, encouraging me to eat more or get a slice of cake (binge food to the max and literally always available at our dining hall ugh) or pointing out how little I’ve eaten, even when we eat with other people. I feel uncomfortable explaining how much I’ve eaten that day because I binge eat so often, so when I am not eating that much it’s because I’m actually listening to my hunger and doing well, and I don’t want everyone to know I’m on Adderall either. We don’t eat together that often but it happens a lot when we do. I also feel pressured to eat because I want her to feel comfortable eating, and sometimes she does...but sometimes she just gets tea and afterwards I feel like such a fat pig for eating even if I didn’t binge.
Buuuut I want her to feel like she can talk to me about disordered behavior stuff because I know none of her other friends have them/is familiar with these thought patterns/willing to talk about it like I am. Also I feel kind of guilty and like I’m responsible for her disordered eating because I lost weight which made her feel insecure. Just 😖 ugh.
[Rant/Rave] Why is my stomach so big no matter what I do?
/u/plaidpeonies [ 5’2” | CW:123 lbs | GW1:115 lbs | 22.5 | 22F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 23:51:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aw8uv/why_is_my_stomach_so_big_no_matter_what_i_do/
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**I prefer not to hear any advice right now. Just wanted to vent.**
It’s gotten pretty bad in the past weeks since I learned my boyfriend of 8 years (HS sweethearts) and I will have to do a LDR across the country. We’ve already had to do semi-LDR for college.
I’ve been trying to reach out to him but he hasn’t given me any words of hope for the relationship. How absolutely soul-crushing this was. Meanwhile, he’s having feelings of insecurity of his own (related to his grades and career) + has made new female friends that he hangs out with almost every day. I 100% know he means well with them and has been lonely recently, but goddamn am I just filled with jealousy — icing on the cake.
So this insecurity, unclear future, and distancing from the BF had me feeling like shit so I’ve restricted so hard. I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t deserve to eat. I’m still on this severe restriction high, feeling so in control limiting whatever gets shoved in my mouth. My stomach feels ginormous no matter how little I eat. I feel like such a fatass and want to be skinny so badly.
[Rant/Rave] hate instagram man
/u/serketcircuit [5'6" | CW: Landwhale | They/Them]
Created: Sun Apr 8 23:28:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aw4tu/hate_instagram_man/
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dumbass algorithms keep giving me ED recovery posts, and i hate all the ones where in the left picture theyre visibly underweight but in the right one theyre still skinny as hell, theyve just gained 10 or 20 pounds of muscle so they dont look sickly
like good on them for recovery and being healthy after etc etc but honestly as a fatass it gets to me even more than thinspo does some days
[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend Mad At Me for Eating Food
/u/rubber-
Created: Sun Apr 8 23:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aw1gk/boyfriend_mad_at_me_for_eating_food/
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I’m really upset at myself right now. I binge sometimes at my boyfriend’s house and he just called me out on it. The other day I binged and ate two of the hot links in his fridge. They were the last ones...he keeps saying there were four left which isn’t true since I count all my calories even when I binge, and didn’t even plan on eating more than one. But he says I always eat his food and he’s sick of it.
Listen, I feel like shit. He’s been unemployed for over a year and his mom is the one who pays his rent and buys him groceries. When I overeat at his place, I always try to bring food to him the next time I come over. I guess it’s not cutting it...
I just feel really embarrassed and ashamed. I haven’t even eaten since I ate he hot links in his fridge the other day. I know he sees me as a fat ass and it’s shameful as hell.
In love with this ❤
/u/onescrumptiousboi
Created: Sun Apr 8 22:19:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8avrm6/in_love_with_this/
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https://i.redd.it/4hp5n0dd7tq01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Mom compared me to 5 month pregnant women!
/u/voldemortshorts
Created: Sun Apr 8 21:50:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8avlr8/mom_compared_me_to_5_month_pregnant_women/
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"Fat and short like you. Loves cereal too."
Thanks ma, this is just what I needed to hear to stop the binge eating period that has been going on since mid November. I gained 30 lbs,maybe 1.5 more after all the leftovers I ate today, but it's time to restrict again. Goodbye late night binges and secret purging, the Vora app is now my best friend.
[Other] Just the thing I need after a purge from eating a giant bag of sour gummy worms, a box of pb reeses m&ms, plus dinner
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 8 21:47:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8avl4o/just_the_thing_i_need_after_a_purge_from_eating_a/
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https://i.redd.it/z2jqpgi51tq01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Struggling
/u/rayballine
Created: Sun Apr 8 21:46:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8avkwz/struggling/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Picked a fight with my roommates so I wouldn’t have to eat dinner with them
/u/wednesdayschild_ [5'3" | CW: No idea | BMI: Too scared to know | WL: Not enough]
Created: Sun Apr 8 21:36:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8avit9/picked_a_fight_with_my_roommates_so_i_wouldnt/
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I had coffee for breakfast and lunch, burned ~300 calories at the gym, then was basically running all around at work for six hours tonight. I felt dizzy so I took a small break, and ate half a slice of leftover cake in the break room, which I then partially purged before I had to get back to work.
I’m at a net zero for the day but I still didn’t feel safe eating dinner. So I picked a stupid fight with my roommates when I got home about them not walking the dog enough, then I left and went to my parent’s house.
I’m so pathetic.
I’m so tired.
[Rant/Rave] Really craving chocolate ice cream rn
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Sun Apr 8 21:14:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8avehf/really_craving_chocolate_ice_cream_rn/
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[removed]
[Other] what a time saver
/u/SterileTechnique
Created: Sun Apr 8 20:29:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8av56k/what_a_time_saver/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Znr_a2V2d1c
[Rant/Rave] I'm new to the community but feeling bad...
/u/2worried2care [5'6" | CW 136 lb | BMI 22.0 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 20:12:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8av1fe/im_new_to_the_community_but_feeling_bad/
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Hello; today is my birthday. I ate so much today and also drank the entire day. After brunch, I purged but it was way too late for it to really matter. My intake has been pretty low all week, so all the booze got to me pretty quickly and now that I'm home I'm so embarrassed. I didn't do anything noteworthy but I feel so ashamed that I was so talkative at dinner and I just automatically feel like I've ruined all of my relationships because I'm drunk. I hate who I am when I'm drinking; I hate who I am when I'm sober. I'm just constantly ashamed of myself. I hate all of this.
[Help] A quick question
/u/feedyourcats
Created: Sun Apr 8 20:02:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8auzf1/a_quick_question/
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How do I stop these headaches?? I’ve tried just about everything and medication hurts my stomach.. idk
[Discussion] Wanted to hear your thoughts on this post I saw on tumblr
/u/vanzzem
Created: Sun Apr 8 19:33:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8auskg/wanted_to_hear_your_thoughts_on_this_post_i_saw/
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I don't mean for this to be offensive at all. This may offend some people, I'm not sure. I just wanted to hear thoughts on this post I saw on tumblr. It said, "If you are “pro-ana” and can’t seem to stop bingeing, maybe instead of seeing that as a lack if willpower, realize that you can’t force yourself to have anorexia and the reason why you binge so often is because you don’t have a restrictive eating disorder???" I wanted to hear everyone's thoughts on this. The post kind of applies to me. I've been trying to restrict my calories and starve myself, and I kept binging. I've realized that I was trying to be anorexic. I know how fucked that sounds, and I'm sorry. There are people struggling with eating disorders who would wish for anything to just be able to eat normally again, and I'm here taking advantage of that and trying to give myself an eating disorder. I wanted to make this post as kind of a confession of this, and I also want to hear thoughts on the tumblr post.
GAINED 3 POUNDS?? HOW EVEN??!
/u/goodvibez72
Created: Sun Apr 8 19:23:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8auqgw/gained_3_pounds_how_even/
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[removed]
[Help] I ate about 1/4 a cup of sockeye salmon (poached, no oil or dressing) and I keep getting different calories from websites.
/u/dizquar [H: 173cm | CW: 58.5kg | BMI: 19.5 | ♀]
Created: Sun Apr 8 19:21:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8auq6e/i_ate_about_14_a_cup_of_sockeye_salmon_poached_no/
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I eat under 600 calories and so far I’ve ate 500. Some websites say it’s 200 calories, 300, 70, etc. If I eat 100 calories or something over 600 will I gain? I’m panicking a bit.
[Discussion] do you eat all your calories in one meal or divide it up into meals throughout the day?
/u/mkf0
Created: Sun Apr 8 18:53:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aujv7/do_you_eat_all_your_calories_in_one_meal_or/
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i usually eat 600-800 calories a day when i do eat. and i’m curious if people have had more success with eating
one meal or trying to divide it into 2/3. i work nights so i find eating a meal with essentially all of my calories for the day that makes me really full works the best because i take my adderall right afterwards and then don’t have an appetite the rest of the night. what works for you guys to prevent binges and overeating?
Experience with predicted weight loss? (Calculations & apps)
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 109 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Sun Apr 8 18:46:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aui2a/experience_with_predicted_weight_loss/
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Recently I've downloaded the loseit app and honestly, I've never felt so driven because I can see my weight loss matching up with the 'days until' my goal weight, it almost seems to good to be true!
The 2lbs is the one I'm going to start using this week and my goal is so so close according to the math.
But, like I said, it seems to good to be true.
Has anyone had any experience with these sorts of calculations before?
[Rant/Rave] My dog is suffering because of my binges 😪 [rant]
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: 155 | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 18:29:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8auebh/my_dog_is_suffering_because_of_my_binges_rant/
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I love my dog, probably an unhealthy amount. He is my world.
Lately I’ve been depressed, and when I’m depressed, I binge. I used to be really strict about not feeding my dog from the table, but over time I’ve become lax and now I feed him scraps from my giant meals all the time. We haven’t been exercising much easier because I’ve lost motivation.
Well I took my dog to the vet today and he is overweight. He needs to lose around 8lbs. I can’t believe I let my shitty disease start affecting my poor helpless dog who can’t do anything about it. I feel so crappy and guilty.
Work out Machine
/u/iPupcake510
Created: Sun Apr 8 18:08:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8au9g2/work_out_machine/
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I want to invest in a cheap work out Machine for my house, i was thinking a bike or elliptical? Treadmills are to expensive and i just want something kinda small. Im not sure what would be a better all over work out and fat burner, im worried ill spend the money and end up fat with huge ripped leggs. Working out is the only thing that calms my nerves after a binge, and purging is out of the question due to my poor dental health. Thoughts and suggestions?
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like a fake or not really sick?
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Sun Apr 8 18:06:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8au90w/dae_feel_like_a_fake_or_not_really_sick/
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Because your disorder isn't the same as other's?
I see posts all the time about people who liquid fast for days, or purge anything they eat.
I can't truly "fast". I hate feeling nausea and if I truly do liquid fast I get so sick to my stomach I can't function. For me a fast is really just low restricting to 300 calories or less a day. I also can't truly fast on liquids only because my job is physically demanding and I've missed a shift before because I fainted when I got there. I'm a CVT and take my job very seriously, and it's the one thing that I am fiercely proud of and offers me an escape from my personal life. Missing that shift killed me. I also have to be careful about purging because I have enamel hypoplasia and the last time I purged two days in a row my teeth hurt like hell. So that's out for me.
I've never been so thin that people worried. The only time they do worry is when I comment that at times I have lost weight too quickly (at my my worst 20lb in a little over a month). I've never missed a period or had lanugo. I don't take a bunch of supplements. I don't do a lot of the things other people do. I've only ever received support from communities like this, but I feel like I don't belong, and if anyone ever saw me they'd laugh. I still imagine the whole community is full of wonderfully thin people with the "dedication" to take their disorder seriously, and that I lack that "dedication" and therefore shouldn't be here.
[Discussion] Any successful recovery stories?
/u/BeautySmooch [170 cm | CW: 58.8kg | GW: 45 kg]
Created: Sun Apr 8 17:58:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8au78m/any_successful_recovery_stories/
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I'm so tired of this. I just want to be a normal teenager. Eat what I want without thinking about it. Not have to worry about skipping workouts or meals. Not have to check my weight every morning. I've been struggling since I was 14. Will this ever end?
[Rant/Rave] I’m ashamed but Atticus is my ultimate thinspo tbh
/u/Elizawitch [5'3" | Female | CW: 100lbs | GW: 90lbs | UGW: 85lbs]
Created: Sun Apr 8 17:44:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8au481/im_ashamed_but_atticus_is_my_ultimate_thinspo_tbh/
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https://i.redd.it/48qprp1iurq01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] tfw u get unnecessarily upset over the calories in oatmeal
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: 136 | GW: 111 | -28 lbs]
Created: Sun Apr 8 17:43:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8au3vs/tfw_u_get_unnecessarily_upset_over_the_calories/
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I thought these packets of oatmeal were 100 but they're actually 160. On one hand, I'm glad I found out. On the other hand, ignorance is bliss my dudes. Ignorance is fuckin bliss.
Lately I've been really anxious over calories and food. Usually I'm aware of calories ofc but I'll still force myself to eat or binge or whatever. But for example, I bought a chocolate muffin to C/S today but I can't even bring myself to do it because one, it's 580 calories and just how much will I accidentally swallow? Two, it's just really sweet and moist and I've been craving one for a while, but I don't deserve to taste it even. I guess the muffin will be a treat for when I do something well or an end of week treat if I keep up this low restriction. Or I'll log potential things to eat to see the calories, but just seeing a number over 300 makes my heart start fluttering and head swimming in that borderline panic attack way and I can't bring myself to eat. I'm also scared to weigh myself too.
[Discussion] Do any other bulimics feel they'd benefit more from binge eating treatment that traditional bulimia treatment?
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80lbs | 15.1 | -23lbs | f]
Created: Sun Apr 8 17:27:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8au0ct/do_any_other_bulimics_feel_theyd_benefit_more/
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Something i've always noticed, and that seems incredibly odd to me, is that treatment for bulimia always focuses on stopping purging rather than stopping binging.
But that makes no sense to me.
I only purge as a side effect of overeating. if i didn't binge, that wouldn't happen.
It's like "Oh you have food poising. Why don't you continue to eat expired dairy products and just try not to shit yourself to death?"
Ive had mental health professionals *insist* that the only reason i binge is so i can purge. Like "oh you just use vomiting as a way to feel in control," when the reality is, I use *binging* as a way of crushing all the negative feelings i feel. purging only comes into play as a way of preventing weight gain from those binges. Purging does not in any way make me feel in control. It just makes me feel gross and embarrassed. I don't like it and I wouldn't do it if i didn't consume absolutely mad quantities of food in single sittings.
If i could just eat a normal amount everything would be copasetic.
I need healthy alternatives to binging, not aggressive intervention re: purging but *nobody* wants to hear a word of that.
Is this something i'm alone with?
[Discussion] Will my flat butt be less noticeable as I lose weight?
/u/vitalogy95 [5'5" | CW: 155 | BMI: 25.79 | GW: 115 | HW: 176]
Created: Sun Apr 8 17:27:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8au0as/will_my_flat_butt_be_less_noticeable_as_i_lose/
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No amount of “butt” exercises work and I can’t do squats because of a knee injury. I feel like my flat blobby ass just accentuates more fat stomach. Any hopes it’ll get better as I lose more?
[Rant/Rave] Apparently this is what people think of us.
/u/areyouinsanelikeme [5'1" | 69.6 -70.4 lbs | 13.2-3| forced into recovery]
Created: Sun Apr 8 17:13:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8atx0g/apparently_this_is_what_people_think_of_us/
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https://imgur.com/a/K1gIB
[Rant/Rave] Post Easter Weight Gain anxiety
/u/pinkmonacle
Created: Sun Apr 8 16:54:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8atsls/post_easter_weight_gain_anxiety/
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Sooo since Easter last weekend I have grazed my way through the equivalent of almost 4 easter eggs just in 1 week. I log on MFP and most days I eat an average of 1500 cals. But God last weekend and this weekend Ive been WEAK. I'm sick with anxiety thinking of how I'm gonna be walking around in swimwear in the Canary Islands this weekend.
The thing that makes me scratch my head is how this time last year I weighed 11 stone, had a goal weight of 10 stone. Here were are a year later and I'm 9 stone 4 pounds. Yet I feel more disgusted with my body than ever? So so scared of looking like a whale on my holidays :(
[Other] Getting back into it
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 16:53:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8atsg1/getting_back_into_it/
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I feel like I'm finally getting into the groove of starving again. For a long time I just *couldn't* do it. I'd always fuck it up and binge. I'm having some binge cravings right now actually, but I think I can ride it out. I've lost a few pounds (finally) and I'm back down to like 114 after being up at like 117 for too long lollll. Goal is 100lbs. Haven't been that small since 2016, but I'm feeling good about it :) idk. Just needed somewhere to share that lol.
Easter Egg Panick
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sun Apr 8 16:48:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8atr41/easter_egg_panick/
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[deleted]
Easter Egg Panick
/u/pinkmonacle
Created: Sun Apr 8 16:48:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8atr3y/easter_egg_panick/
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[removed]
[Discussion] Does PMS RUIN anyone else's eating pattern?
/u/Bangsofsteel [5'2 | CW: 109 | GW2: 105 | UGW: 100 | LW 90]
Created: Sun Apr 8 16:37:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8atoe6/does_pms_ruin_anyone_elses_eating_pattern/
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AKA the week before my period is mental torture :')
I usually restrict to 1000 or less, not even out of choice anymore it just feels comfortable.
Every month though, I gain back all the weight I've lost due to hormone induced binging and it's so so upsetting and stressful, I can barely think of anything else this week. I also get awful silent migraines and dizziness. I miss not having a period and it's fuelling my desire to lose weight again.
I literally ruin all my progress once a month, I keep losing and gaining the same 5lbs. Its making me feel crazy. Anyone else relate? :(
[Discussion] DAE: Feel more satisfied eating smaller amounts of food you actually want rather than high volume low calorie foods.
/u/uncommonlyaverage [5'3" | CW 100 | UGW 92 |19F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 16:27:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8atltd/dae_feel_more_satisfied_eating_smaller_amounts_of/
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I used to try and eat high volume and low calorie, but I would be hungry soon after and would still have cravings for the food I actually wanted. Today, I made pasta 28g (uncooked) with 1/4 cup of sauce for around 150 calories. I felt satisfied after. Much more than if I had just eaten a bunch of vegetables as usual. I also love to cook, so not being able to have the good food I made for so long and then caving and binging. I've been doing this for the past 2 days and haven't binged/purged yet, so maybe it's working? Does anyone else do this/has it worked or not for you if you've tried it?
[Rant/Rave] (Rave) This calculator is everything. It just made me feel really justified in my restriction.
/u/DietDuchess
Created: Sun Apr 8 16:11:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8athrh/rave_this_calculator_is_everything_it_just_made/
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http://ratfactor.com/fat-loss-calculator
[Rant/Rave] On new meds after a breakdown, feel HORRIBLE
/u/peridoti [5'0 | 130 lb | F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 15:56:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8atefz/on_new_meds_after_a_breakdown_feel_horrible/
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Long story short, I had a big breakdown about a week ago after 3 weeks of non-stop super critical work. I started shaking uncontrollably all night and day and crying NON-STOP (my eyes watered all day and all night and I often woke up crying) PLUS I was just constantly suicidal and whatever. Went to my psych on an emergency visit and she was pretty freaked out.
Anyway, my psych put me on two new meds 'short term' that are pretty heavy duty. And I am. so. tired. I'm sleeping most of the day. I'm exercising, but it's pretty shitty. I'm eating at maintenance, sorta, but I just KNOW that I'm gaining weight and it makes me feel like a huge fake. I don't want to be fat and happy. I don't want it to be like this and I'm just so distraught right now.
tl;dr: ranting because I had a breakdown and it's gonna reset a lot of my progress
[Help] EC Stack Side Effects
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sun Apr 8 15:43:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8atb3n/ec_stack_side_effects/
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Does anyone else get incredibly cold when EC stacking? I mean, I'm usually cold most of the time, but when I'm EC stacking, I notice that it's almost impossible to keep my fingers and toes warm. Sometimes they almost go numb. I'm wondering if this happens to anyone else or is it just me? Also my nose will randomly get runny. I take bronkaid and caffeine pills together. I only take one bronkaid tablet and sometimes I drink coffee instead of taking caffeine pills with it.
[Help] Should I tell my dentist about my ex bulimia?
/u/AmmoniaBologna
Created: Sun Apr 8 15:43:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8atb0y/should_i_tell_my_dentist_about_my_ex_bulimia/
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I have a cavity and for a year i suffered from bulimia. Do i need to mention this to my dentist when I see him? Thanks.
[Rant/Rave] I'm all alone with my mental ailments today
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 80lbs | 15.1 | -23lbs | f]
Created: Sun Apr 8 15:34:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8at8qg/im_all_alone_with_my_mental_ailments_today/
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I lead a pretty shallow life. I haven't any close friends. I haven't got a way to get around, nor anything to do even if I did. I haven't really spoken to anyone IRL for the entirety of spring break but my family.
Today, however, they're away in the city for a baseball game.
I don't really mind being left behind, in fact, I was offered a ticket. I could have gone, but between my ED and my anxiety I always seem to end up ruining any sort of outing i embark on, so I've taken to sitting things out.
Plus, sports isn't my thing anyway.
But damn is this the shits.
I woke up. Made pancakes. Threw up pancakes. Fought with the ants the pancake-puke attracted. Cried for a while. Chainsmoked on the porch in my underwear, contemplating every aspect of my purgatorial existence. Then i just vegged on the couch for a while. I'd say i'm watching TV but i don't even know what's on i'm so distracted by the peeling paint on the walls.
The quieter my surroundings are, the more aware I become of the silence in my heart and in my head, and I rush to fill the emptiness with fistfuls of half-cooked food.
I'm not fond of being alone but I seem to spend most of my time this way.
[Discussion] Feels like my stomach is ripping
/u/xxxanon1117 [5'7.5" | 119.6 | 18.32 | GW: 98 | FTM]
Created: Sun Apr 8 15:33:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8at8gf/feels_like_my_stomach_is_ripping/
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A bit TMI and sort of a discussion: I don’t really remember what I’ve been eating because I haven’t been logging anything but my weight. I haven’t eaten anything until around 3PM for the past week or so and today I had soup and half a slice of bread and it feel like my internal organs are splitting open. It wasn’t even that much food. I also just naturally couldn’t hold down pasta I tried to eat last night and coughed it up. DAE feel this after they’ve been restricting or just eating less for a little while?
[Discussion] low cal vegetables
/u/hardcore_parkour_
Created: Sun Apr 8 15:05:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8at160/low_cal_vegetables/
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I'm trying to find low cal vegetables to pair with protein to help me feel full. here are a few I've been relying on. What else is there? my sense of creativity with food is meh..
Per one cup:
asparagus - 27 cals 2.9 protein 5 carb
brussel sprouts - 28 cals 3 protein 8 carb
acorn squash - 56 cals 1.1 protein 15 carb
spaghetti squash - 31 cals 0.6 protein 7 carb
beets - 59 cals 2.2 protein 13 carb
[Rant/Rave] My ED is affecting my family and I wish I could just separate the two worlds
/u/SpeckledCollie [173cm | too scared to weigh - Waist size 27 | 25F ]
Created: Sun Apr 8 14:41:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8asv56/my_ed_is_affecting_my_family_and_i_wish_i_could/
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Today, my mum told me that (and I'm paraphrasing here) that she can't face this anymore, that it's affecting *her* health and that she loves me so much and she wishes she could make it all go away.
To be honest, I love my mum. She's been my rock, and I wish I could just go back in time and never be born. She deserves better than this. But I can't stop.
I'm ridiculously fat - I don't even weigh myself anymore, but I am so much fatter than I was last summer. This is the nail in the coffin. I need to lose this weight. I need to cut myself off from everyone. I need to break up with my boyfriend and I need to break off my friendships. I need to just be alone so the only thing this disorder hurts is me.
[Rant/Rave] I hadn't purged in a while but I had to in the bathroom at work today.
/u/IsAFailure [~5'6 | 110lbs | 17.83~]
Created: Sun Apr 8 13:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8asiqg/i_hadnt_purged_in_a_while_but_i_had_to_in_the/
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I have absolutely no self control so I had too much on my break and then I couldn't stop myself from making a strawberry milkshake (small, thank god) after a customer ordered one.
A customer had returned shrimp earlier because she insisted that they ordered fish instead and after we fixed the order, we couldn't reserve the shrimp since it had already gone out. I ate two of them and told one of my coworkers they for any of us and she replied with "Oh, I don't eat meat." You know, pretty understandable, then a bit later I asked if she had tried any of our shakes and she said no, she doesn't drink them because they're unhealthy.
I finished my shake quickly and then drank two cups of water and went to the bathroom. I completely respect that she actually HAS control but man, hearing just how much more she had than me set me off. I wish I didn't want to eat every thing that sounds remotely good every day.
Pretty pointless post but you guys know how it is to just need to rant
[Rant/Rave] So I was banned from Century Club for having the *audacity* to try and find support for my issues in a private sub that others there get support for and expressing that I don't believe in the purpose of forced hospitalizations.
/u/areyouinsanelikeme [5'1" | 69.6 -70.4 lbs | 13.2-3| forced into recovery]
Created: Sun Apr 8 13:30:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8asbxc/so_i_was_banned_from_century_club_for_having_the/
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https://imgur.com/a/BugMm
[Discussion] Going home from uni, need advice
/u/LionelsLoveChild
Created: Sun Apr 8 13:29:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8asbo4/going_home_from_uni_need_advice/
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Going home this next weekend and already getting anxious about being out of control of my food and exercise. Although the family I am seeing are great, I worry I’ll have to listen to judgements and concerns that I am aware of but don’t want to hear.
How do you guys deal with this?
Thanks team :)
[Discussion] Snacks?
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍌5'5|115|GW:105🍉]
Created: Sun Apr 8 13:08:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8as6az/snacks/
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What does this word even mean anymore? I have learned that I cannot under any circumstance have multiple servings of "normal" snack foods like chips, cookies, candy etc because I will eat it all at once.
For "snacks", I usually buy some pickled vegetable (cucumber, mushrooms (not a vegetable I know), radish) to keep in the fridge for when I want to mindlessly eat. This week I ate a 16 oz jar of marinated mushrooms in 2.5 days lol. I'll binge eat my safe foods like rice cakes and dried fruit so I rarely buy those anymore. I'm pretty much limited to fresh fruits, vegetables, and pickles. I have to remind myself that sugar-free hard candies are not snacks :p
What are your guys favorite snacks? I'm a vegetarian so if any of y'all have suggestions I'd love to hear them.
[Discussion] CSA influence on ED
/u/anonboi420
Created: Sun Apr 8 13:07:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8as642/csa_influence_on_ed/
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My perspective on losing weight has evolved over the past while and I see it growing towards a new place. I'm 7-8 pounds from my bottom bmi (justified cause its still considered a healthy weight) but I don't know if getting there is where it stops... What's become the normal idea in my everyday is "five more pounds" and I don't think getting there is where it ends. I've been jumping between 129-134 for a while, calorie restricting throughout the week, seeing how much I've lost, freak out for some reason then binge my way back up on the weekend. I'm looking for changes in my face and it changes a lot in this area, but I dissociate and panic. Since I purged last night from a slight dissociated panic, I crossed the threshold for the week(end)...
I like the changes and want to keep going, but a thought came to my head just recently. Experiencing CSA (child sexual abuse) has(d?) great influence on my ED. It's a sensation of control with the benefit of looking like an ethereal angel, although in reality it's a demon that's got control of meoi. I see fat as an imposter wrapping around my body. Losing weight, seeing and feeling it lift off me makes me feel refreshed, like I've been given a chance or something. As the bottom of your BMI still accounts fat on your body this is where I see myself going further, I want to feel it all gone...
... I guess...
Where does your ED stem from?
CSA + ED? Give some insight?
Is there a limit to how much weight? How do you become satisfied?
How does your face change from losing fat?
Ever 'face' dissociative episodes?
How's your day going?
5'7 | 126-7 | 19.9 | GW: 119 | M
TLDR: ED gives me control stemming from losing control as a kid from sexual abuse. This shapes how I behave about my ED. I face dissociative episodes from losing weight, thus making me lose control. It's a cycle.
[Rant/Rave] My face stays bloated no matter what I do.
/u/slimeywizard
Created: Sun Apr 8 12:58:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8as3si/my_face_stays_bloated_no_matter_what_i_do/
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Even when I restrict or fast, the puffiness doesn’t go away.
Even when I drink gallons of water, it never goes away.
Even on good days, when my face looks nice and defined, the minute I eat something with even an ounce of carbs, my cheeks balloons up.
It’s ruining my life. I can’t leave the house when I look this bad.
What the fuck can I do about it? I’m just so tired.
[Discussion] neon demon movie
/u/fuck_you_get_pumped [5'5" | 118.9lb | 20.02 | -21lb | 22A]
Created: Sun Apr 8 12:37:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ary9b/neon_demon_movie/
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anyone else watch this?
for those of y'all looking to trigger the fuck out of yourselves, this movie will do it. it's about a model, it's weird, really depressing and disturbing. one of those movies that leaves you feeling super unsettled at the end.
MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING:
(spoiler alert!)
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rape, suicide, blood, and tons of skinny-as-fuck models being anorexic
[Rant/Rave] When your ED gets outed by the food store cashier
/u/Violet_Cake_2 [5'3 | 113 | 19.8 |F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 12:35:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8arxri/when_your_ed_gets_outed_by_the_food_store_cashier/
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Ugh. Today I was at this vegan foods store, which I go to whenever I need my stash of safe foods (think detox tea, Amy's kitchen, low-cal low-sugar "treats", etc) and when I went to pay, this very overweight cashier
(note: I'd normally never define someone by their weight solely, and in most cases, I find it's completely irrelevant and not even worth mentioning. But for the purposes here, I feel like it's a detail I should include because it might explain her behaviour, but I'll never know for sure and I don't want to assume anything)
starts commenting on my purchases and pretend-checking their nutrition label, saying stuff like "wow, look at this, so low calorie and low in sugar, sooooo healthy am I right? No guilt eating those things!" in a mocking tone. Me, being my socially awkward and anxious self, couldn't think of anything to say, besides wanting to melt into the ground right then and now. So I just smiled uncomfortably, paid, thanked her politely and rushed out of the store, swearing I'd never go back there again.
ED: Just another day in the life.
Wishing everyone a nice week <3
[Rant/Rave] How I feel after eating a yogurt.
/u/terranceandphillip69
Created: Sun Apr 8 12:29:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8arw6f/how_i_feel_after_eating_a_yogurt/
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https://i.redd.it/j63z9o93aqq01.jpg
First time purging in public
/u/gabygorl
Created: Sun Apr 8 12:25:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8arv4u/first_time_purging_in_public/
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I was doing soooo good all week. I was doing my cardio, eating below my restriction, counting my calories. I was on the wagon. Friday my friends decided to go out for sushi and I just couldn’t help myself. I ate so much. I binged to be extreme. Didn’t even know I could eat that much...
Near the end of dinner I was getting so upset at myself for eating so much so I excused myself from the table and went to the bathroom. I obviously made sure no one was in there when I purged but I still feel so disgusting for doing that. I feel so embarrassed and disgusted with myself
[Discussion] How do you deal when it comes to frequent eating out with your parents/friends/s.o.?
/u/chrysanthemym
Created: Sun Apr 8 12:00:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aroiu/how_do_you_deal_when_it_comes_to_frequent_eating/
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Oftentimes during the week, I’m pretty okay with being able to manage my eating. This is primarily because I’m at uni 90% of the time, so I’m able to manage and control what and how I eat.
However the weekends are much different. My family, friends, etc. constantly ask for me to go out to eat with them, etc. and that’s increasingly anxiety inducing because I don’t know how many calories is in what they’re serving and they ask me out nearly every day of the weekend, sometimes twice.
This means— that I’m basically eating out almost four times in the span of a weekend and it’s incredibly exhausting. Recently, I’ve been declining their offers but now they’re starting to get suspicious and I don’t know what to do. I also don’t want to miss out on quality time with them but I also don’t want to ruin my goals.
So, when it comes to eating out, even often, how do you manage? How do you continue to lose weight even when you eat out often?
[Rant/Rave] Why does my body hate me
/u/ThisIsNotGumpy [5'2 | 97 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 11:44:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ark8l/why_does_my_body_hate_me/
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According to my moving average weight I have gained a pound. On less than 1200 a day as weekly average (~1000 weekdays and at most 1300 weekends).
I work out every morning and walk around campus for classes.
What the fuck.
[Help] Puking by accident?
/u/ratorture [5'9 | 130 | 18.65| Perpetual Recovery Machine|]
Created: Sun Apr 8 11:38:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8arirl/puking_by_accident/
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Any other former purgers sometimes get super nauseous and just randomly throw up, maybe due to food anxiety? I'm wondering if this is a thing. I just ate a cookie on top of my healthy lunch, instantly felt incredibly nauseous, and threw it up. Now I feel better. I've totally sworn off purging, but this happens every month or so when I eat something I always purged in the past. Anyone know if there's some sort of mental association with purging certain foods that makes your body react like this on it's own?
[Rant/Rave] stuff people have said to me that fucked with me lol
/u/kingarthersixties [5'6 | 125 | 21.05 | GW: 118 | female]
Created: Sun Apr 8 11:26:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8arfnx/stuff_people_have_said_to_me_that_fucked_with_me/
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I went to a birthday dinner for one of my friends, and she was telling me how they had pizza on the menu. I replied that I wasn't a big pizza person, and she said "What? You eat dominos like everyday." OK SO I know I'm being piss baby but this really fucked me up. I've never been a pizza person idk and that friend doesn't know what I've eaten/what I eat regularly??? why would she say that?? I know I need to chill out and this literally doesn't mean anything, but it genuinely upset me. I don't want to be seen like that. On top of that, she is very thin herself, and it just made me feel shitty because I'm a lot fatter and uglier than her so I felt like that fat friend that just eats pizza 24/7.
Another time, someone joked around "why are you so fat, kingarthersixties lol." FUCK. This happened a year ago and it still fucks me up. I brushed it off as a joke, but I think she was speaking with truth. idk just wanted to get this off my chest.
[Rant/Rave] It will NEVER be enough for me, never...
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 108 | HW 142| GW 95]
Created: Sun Apr 8 11:02:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ar9eb/it_will_never_be_enough_for_me_never/
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I’ve been heavily restricting for 3 weeks straight now without much of an upset. I know I lost a few lbs.
This weekend I had my first mini binge in a while. I took a ton of lax. ( usually do every Friday or Saturday or else no BMs) Idk why but I slept for 10hrs straight waking up in a cold sweat. I have taken lax. So many times but this time it honestly felt like death. I felt I just had enough! I wanted this disorder gone!
Today I can see so much water weight from eating a bit yesterday. I feel so fat and disgusting I want to die. Wtf happened that I ate all that gross food. I felt like if I didn’t eat though I would literally die. I HATE myself.
My boyfriend commented a few days ago ( usually has the mentality of “just eat” etc. but still worries) after pushing me away from a hug “you are all bones, it’s disgusting” about 10 mins later he said “ you need to start eating more, I know it’s easier said than done” This made me feel validated for some reason. But also encouraged to lose more.
End of the day, eating makes me feel sicker emotionally AND physically. When I eat around 900 I feel good?
I am just going on, but pretty much I feel like this will eventually kill me...and I am ready.
[Rant/Rave] oh yeah i'm bored imma make cookies what could go wrong
/u/burrochevola [5’3’’ | 127 lbs | ugw: 👻]
Created: Sun Apr 8 10:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ar7gn/oh_yeah_im_bored_imma_make_cookies_what_could_go/
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me, after baking cookies: alright, i'm gonna have one just to taste. i ate around 600 calories today so that would put me around 800, i'm safe!
me, after eating 7 fucking cookies: what the fuck is wrong with me
just kill me lol
I avoid mirrors at all costs when I’m looking a mess, then I check myself out in a mirror every chance I get when I’m dolled up.
/u/mypure
Created: Sun Apr 8 10:48:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ar66j/i_avoid_mirrors_at_all_costs_when_im_looking_a/
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I believe body dysmorphic disorder goes hand-in-hand with eating disorders.
Can anyone else relate?
EDIT: mobile and forgot to flair :(
[Discussion] Fasting for the first time, starting with just three days. Do y'all find fasting to be helpful or just make things worse?
/u/jellyboness [5'4" | BMI:21.6 |CW:126lbs| GW:99lbs |]
Created: Sun Apr 8 10:16:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aqy7j/fasting_for_the_first_time_starting_with_just/
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I've been restricting at about 550 calories a day for a little over a week to kick my weight loss into overdrive. I ate a "real" meal yesterday and clocked in around 835 calories to prep for fasting and hopefully get a little more fuel than usual.
How do y'all feel about fasting, like from a mental standpoint? I've heard some people say it helps a ton with self control and acceptance, but I've heard other people say that they fasted for a couple days and then binged like 6,000 calories the next day.
[Rant/Rave] Anyone else struggling with AN? I am finding a hard time relating to all the posts about bingeing and feel more alone than ever coming onto here.
/u/clareinthereddress
Created: Sun Apr 8 10:15:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aqy02/anyone_else_struggling_with_an_i_am_finding_a/
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I understand that everyone on here is struggling with their own disorders. But from what I can tell scrolling through this sub daily, there are way more people with bulimia, EDNOS or BED than AN. Forgive me if I'm wrong on that. But I was so excited when I found this sub to have people to talk to, and day after day it just seems to be talking about bingeing. I'm really happy that you guys have some support and a place to talk to each other! Is anyone else here high restricting and never indulging in binges? Anyone here do multi day fasts?
I just want some support from some people who experience what I do. I haven't had a binge in over half a year and honestly could never even think about eating more than 800 calories in a day without having suicidal thoughts. I feel like I'm "too good" at having an eating disorder and that scares me. Reading through 20 binge posts on here a day makes me feel like it must be totally inevitable for me even though I couldn't do that to myself without punishing myself for it for the rest of the month. I guess it's triggering in a way, and that's sad (for me, not sad for the people who need help and support, obviously.)
[Rant/Rave] Those Twitter “lose weight faster” threads make me want to roll my eyes to the back of my head.
/u/Throwaway412160987
Created: Sun Apr 8 09:08:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aqhwn/those_twitter_lose_weight_faster_threads_make_me/
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I saw this thread on twitter, and it was about like weight loss tips and whatnot. So, in order to “lose weight”, apparently drinking detox water will help you “shed fat”. Like this kind of bullshit information pisses me off. Its just water with fruit/vegetables HOW THE FUCK CAN IT HELP YOU SHED FAT?!! PEOPLE NEED TO STOP SPREADING THIS KIND OF BULLSHIT. No, detox tea doesn’t work, no saunas don’t help you lose weight, and SHOCKER!! Detox water won’t make you suddenly drop like 10 pounds. Its all temporary, aka water weight.
[Other] Why am I like this?
/u/maybethisistherealme
Created: Sun Apr 8 08:39:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aqbla/why_am_i_like_this/
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I sleep until lunch to avoid breakfast and drink just coffee. And at the same time I waste the morning. I mean I could have done so much more.in the afternoon it’s the same. I’ve got plans. I need to do so much for school (learning philosophy, history and math, reading two books one for French and one for German, start writing a paper[and also reading some books on the topic and planning what I’m doing until September]) However I think It doesn’t really matter if I started an hour later and spent some time on instagram and YouTube. And then already a few hours passed. When I finally start I realize that I don’t even know what to do and give up. I don’t know.
The last few days I managed to not eat too much for lunch. I’m not really hungry. But as soon as I enter the kitchen or someone offers me food I can’t resist and can’t stop eating. I mean a muffin, a few chips, an apple, some bread or chocolate would be okay (as long as I’m not eating all at once). I don’t know why. I think I could easily lose weight I did it before (but this was more than two years ago). I know I didn’t feel better. I still felt terrible when I weighed 15 kg less, but I somehow felt less ugly.
TLDR: I’ve got a lot to do, do nothing and eat too much because I’m stressed.
[Rant/Rave] I found the most amazing grocery store.
/u/Wisdomtoothinquiry
Created: Sun Apr 8 08:19:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aq769/i_found_the_most_amazing_grocery_store/
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I had to tell someone who would understand. My husband and I live in not the best area in our sprawled out city. The grocery stores near us don't carry a large selection of restriction friendly foods as it just doesn't sell around here.
Yesterday, we visited my brother who lives in a very well off area. We stopped at a chain grocery store near his place and oh my god, it was life changing. They had Wasa crackers, those little twenty five calorie packs of dried seaweed, blackberries for a dollar a pack, and individually packaged flavor tuna (60 calories for jalapeño flavored!). And so much more! I went a little overboard and got a serious high from buying all my weird stuff. Oh and they have a restaurant in the store where there was a live band playing. You can also buy a beer to drink while you shop. I don't care that it's a thirty minute drive from our house. I will live in that freaking grocery store.
[Rant/Rave] Fiance ate my whole stash!
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Sun Apr 8 08:17:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aq6qb/fiance_ate_my_whole_stash/
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He doesn't know about my issues with eating. I'm sure he knows some but not the extent. I frequently buy snacks or sweet treats to have from time to time but he has no self control and will eat and eat and eat them until they are gone so I have to hide them.
The day before yesterday I bought a bag of my favorite candy that are like 90 calories a piece. I had one that night and was looking forward to having one today for staying on plan yesterday. So I had 2. Out of... 20? Maybe?
This morning the empty bag was in the trash!!! He ate the whole goddamn bag in two evenings. I said "why did you eat all of those?!?"
Him: "well they were hidden so I didn't know how long I was missing out on them so yeah"
Fkgofiendnv for fucks sake.
Now I have cried over candy today and am probably just not going to eat anything all day out of anger that my plan for today has been derailed until I inevitably binge at night.
😢😤
[Discussion] Do you think its possible to be happy with anorexia?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Sun Apr 8 08:00:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aq355/do_you_think_its_possible_to_be_happy_with/
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Not happy that you have it, but like still be happy and enjoy life otherwise.
[Discussion] Does anyone EC stack and also use an asthma medication?
/u/catsrule-humansdrool [5'5 | SW 211 | CW 180.2 | BMI 30 | 23F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 07:12:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8apubl/does_anyone_ec_stack_and_also_use_an_asthma/
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I take advair to control my asthma and I'm concerned about the side effects of taking two asthma control medications. I haven't started EC stacking yet but I really want to, and obviously this isn't something I can ask my doctor about lol. Just wondering if anyone already does this or did this and had any issues.
[Help] My body keeps rejecting food
/u/oceanbreeez
Created: Sun Apr 8 06:59:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aprwr/my_body_keeps_rejecting_food/
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I was binge eating for a while, then binging and purging, then fasting, and when I tried to start to get better I decided to try keto thinking if I was still burning fat I would be able to handle it. Well my body couldn’t. I became nauseous all the time and couldn’t bare the thought of food. This went on for two weeks when finally I caved and tried to eat some rice to help my stomach, and my body couldn’t take it. I immediately (involuntarily) threw everything up. All food sounds repulsive to me, and when I try to eat something bland I can’t keep it down. I feel nauseous 100% of the time and have to take electrolyte supplements otherwise I’ll feel like I’m going to faint. I’ve completely fucked up my body and I don’t know how to reintroduce food into my diet or even to just stop feeling so sick! If anyone has any insight on what might be happening with my body please, I’d love to hear your opinions.
I can’t go to the doctor because I’m afraid of what will happen when they realize my disordered eating.
[Discussion] Here is a compilation of evidence showing the safety of artificial sweeteners and their ADI
/u/ThisIsNotGumpy [5'2 | 97 | F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 06:42:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8app19/here_is_a_compilation_of_evidence_showing_the/
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https://youtu.be/FKciZz3hfVc
[Help] As an recovering anorexia patient (16F), how do I feel confident in somewhat more revealing clothing on the beach, and how to deal with eating Italian?
/u/tantesidonia
Created: Sun Apr 8 06:13:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8apkho/as_an_recovering_anorexia_patient_16f_how_do_i/
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I am going on a school trip to Rome next week. And we are probably going to the beach as well. Since I had to gain weight back again I feel very insecure about my body, especially when wearing more revealing clothes as shorts, swimming suits and crop tops. How could I feel more comfortable?
My friends will be there as well, which causes only more pressure to act as if I am fine.
I am also afraid I will freak out about the Italian food. Pasta and pizza and lasagna are foods I have still struggles with. I just can't eat it. How could I make it somewhat easier?
As an recovering anorexia patient (16F), how do I feel confident in somewhat more revealing clothing on the beach, and how to deal with eating Italian?
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 08, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 8 06:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8apk1p/daily_food_diary_april_08_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 08, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Apr 8 06:11:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8apjyd/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
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Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:
* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found
[Rant/Rave] On constant eating has me feeling guilty enough that I can't function right now
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5'4" | 120 | 20.54| GW: 115 | NB]
Created: Sun Apr 8 05:41:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8apfnh/on_constant_eating_has_me_feeling_guilty_enough/
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I spent all day yesterday just eating, I ate a 100g chocolate bar and a 60g bowl of corn flakes in 15 minutes of each other then just ate sweets, biscuits and crisps constantly until about 6pm when I had a giant bowl of pasta and finally some yoghurt about 10pm. I woke up this morning with a weight on my chest and struggling to breathe, I don't think it helps that I feel insecure and struggle to talk about my feelings beyond 'I feel guilty for eating so much yesterday' to my girlfriend, I crawled out of her bed about 20mins (12:20 in the afternoon) and straight into mine, I have things I need to do but leaving the house seems fucking impossible right now.
[Discussion] How do you even meet someone with an ED??
/u/vulpixies [5'4" | CW 123 | 24F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 04:02:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ap2dd/how_do_you_even_meet_someone_with_an_ed/
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So I've just broken up with my boyfriend, and I haven't been single in like 6 years. I dont have a very large group of friends, and I can't imagine going out every night because socialising seems to be based around food, or to clubs with so many people and so many crowds and holy fuck anxiety. How are you even supposed to meet someone? How did you guys meet your partners, how do you go out and socialise? Help me not be lonely.
[Discussion] Bad teeth from restricting (only)
/u/ElectricalDeer87 [5'8" | 138.0lbs | -14.6lbs | Goal: 95lbs | BMI 20.6 | 16F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 02:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aoomh/bad_teeth_from_restricting_only/
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I'm wondering if there's anyone out there that (also) experiences weakened or painful teeth from "heavy" restriction over a long period of time.
My teeth have become very bad, painful, and they often feel very rough. I've never purged with vomiting, and in general do still brush my teeth. However, I do have osteoporosis from restricting for way too long.
What are your experiences or thoughts? Does restricting also have an effect on teeth?
[Rant/Rave] Instagram "health account" post is INSANELY triggering!!!!
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Sun Apr 8 01:52:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aolx0/instagram_health_account_post_is_insanely/
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https://i.redd.it/u2ilj5294nq01.jpg
[Help] Weekend of eating like a normal person, measurements up 0.25 inches all around
/u/PalmDzert [5'7" | 115lbs | 18 BMI | 140 lost | F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 01:22:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aoi2g/weekend_of_eating_like_a_normal_person/
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This is so sad, but I'm on vacation with family and I wish I could just eat and be merry. My family is obsessed with food though so enjoying meals is the priority. I usually eat lean proteins and low carb veggies, no salt or oil. Now this weekend I'm eating fish and veggies that are covered in oil and salty salty salt.
How can I recover from this weekend? Will I be okay? I'm too sick now to exercise and logically I know that exercise can't fix a bad diet
[Rant/Rave] Tinder with an ED
/u/frankesteinsmonster
Created: Sun Apr 8 01:05:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aofpb/tinder_with_an_ed/
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Not sure if the flair fits the topic. But I just started using Tinder, initially as a joke (because I thought no one would ever swipe right) and much to my surprise I got a good amount of matches, with good looking people too. I get a match and he wants to exchange nudes and get a little freaky with the webcam if you know what I mean ;) I was super weary, because my immediate thought is: “This guy is pulling a prank on me” and also “I look like a beached whale, no way I’m gonna do this”. After some more conversation I just say fuck it and do it. I kept making comments like: “my thighs are huge” “I look so ugly” and he kept complimenting me? Which to me is weird because I never thought guys looked at me like that? And we now follow each other on social media and he said he would call (which I’m hoping he does cuz he was actually really cute) and I’m happy because apparently someone in the world finds me attractive (even if just for sex). This was my little happy rant, thanks if you read this far. And also what are your opinions on sexting and cam sex with someone you just met from Tinder?
A piece on eating disorders
/u/BananaMiruku
Created: Sun Apr 8 00:27:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aoacj/a_piece_on_eating_disorders/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/painting/comments/89vszm/design_class_project/?st=JFQFD72L&sh=4a2e8f04
[Rant/Rave] I'm fairly sure I'm developing an eating disorder (venting?)
/u/petewentzpetegoez [5'5" | cw:gross | bmi:too much | gw:dead | 15F]
Created: Sun Apr 8 00:18:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ao93m/im_fairly_sure_im_developing_an_eating_disorder/
---
**trigger warning numbers and stuff**
I hate basically every ounce of myself. I honestly could write a 100 page essay on why I hate myself but I'll save that for another day. Since my mental health (struggling and drowning in self harm & suicidal thoughts) took a dive for the worst in August of 2017, I've started to count the calories in what I eat. I've always been fairly skinny being 5'5" and weighing about 109 lbs before this whole "thing" started. One time in 7th grade I was changing in the locker rooms and this girl straight up asked me if I was anorexic. I laughed and told her "Have you seen how much I eat at lunch? Hell no". Of course I know now (not that I'm anorexic or anything, I just know more about eating disorders) that doesn't necessarily mean you don't have an eating disorder.
What I eat is literally all over the place. Most days I try to stay under 1000 calories because school breakfast and lunches make up for a lot, as well as my dad cooks dinner most nights. :") On weekends I try to eat as little as possible. I try to fast but after a day or so I usually end up binging, a lot.
Today was really weird though. All of last week I binged and binged (basically ate a "normal" amount of food but it sure doesn't feel that way) so I set my intake goal today for 350. Most of the day was going great, in fact I had only eaten 250 cals and I burned most of them off by walking. Sure I felt hella shakey but I loved it. Near the end of the night though, I ended up having a small binge and my total intake for today was about 600 cals. Still not a lot but I still feel like I ate a fuck ton. I feel as awful as when I binge and eat 2000+ calories. Most days I eat more than 600 cals and right now I should feel great because "hey, I'm still slowly killing myself, be happy about it" but I still feel awful because it feels like too much.
I really don't know where I'm going with this rant so I'm sorry if you're reading this and you're expecting it to come to a single grand point. It's fucking exhausting when I'm constantly torn between trying to starve myself because I know damn well I deserve it or trying to eat a decent amount a day because "hey, don't be so hard on yourself, it's food, you need it".
After I eat literally anything, I think to myself how much I could have gone without it and how I'll never be sick enough, ect. The list goes on forever. I know I should get help for that before it gets too bad but there are way too many reasons on why I can't (again I could write a 100 page essay on why I can't reach out).
As of earlier today I weigh 102 lbs. My weight fluctuates a lot though, usually between 101-104. I hate it so much. I just want to get to a weight where I can fit my hand around my upper arm, to where I can actually tell that I'm loosing. Maybe 10 more pounds or so. I don't fucking know what to do anymore. Literally any advice would be greatly appreciated
The edit was fixing spelling because I suck at it oh my
[Discussion] Favorite triggering movies/tv
/u/naiajoy
Created: Sun Apr 8 00:01:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ao6fn/favorite_triggering_moviestv/
---
I’m trying to compile a master list of all the triggering ED movies/shows that I can find and hopefully find some new ones that I haven’t seen as well so let me know some of your favorites!
[Rant/Rave] So easily triggered
/u/tone_v2 [6'|CW:142|BMI:18.5|20M]
Created: Sat Apr 7 23:59:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ao692/so_easily_triggered/
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I'm in college and live in a frat house so it's pretty difficult to avoid drunk people. Sometimes a certain song comes on and a lot of drunk guys get really into it and rip their shirts off and whenever that happens there's no bouncing back for me. I instantly get the urge to leave and purge. I don't drink anymore because I know it's not worth the extra calories, or I'll only drink to make it easier to purge what I've binged on that day since I find it difficult to purge when I'm sober. Somedays I restrict really well and feel really good about it, and other days I'll convince myself it's okay to eat a normal amount of food and then I'll feel so guilty. I feel so weird because I've never met another guy who wanted to be skinnier than everyone else, it seems like everyone wants to be muscular and big. I used to only get triggered by really fit or skinny guys but now even when I see skinny girls I feel like shit. Sorry this post feels so disorganized I just needed to write some of it out.
[Discussion] “Feast and famine”
/u/honey_tarot
Created: Sat Apr 7 23:36:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ao2mr/feast_and_famine/
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Does any one else do a kind of “feast and famine” kind of eating. Where they only eat for like one meal in front of other people but Itll be a crazy large binge but not eat at all for the rest of the day? Like OMAD on steroids except you fast for days after to “punish” yourself for eating like bs?
I guess for me I’d rather eat all my calories at ounce and then forget about eating for a couple of days l
[Rant/Rave] Peak relapse struggle
/u/LLazarus732
Created: Sat Apr 7 22:47:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8anugp/peak_relapse_struggle/
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So I’ve been doing somewhat well recovery wise (occasional restrictive slip ups and some definite over-exercising, but an overall upward trend) the past few months, but sort of relapsed with the b/p this week. And now I have a stomach virus and I am STILL forcing food into my body. So much food and it is physically making me worse and it hurts and I don’t even feel hungry but I can’t stop and it just sucks. And I need to get better so I can get to the gym so I can feel okay about eating but it’s this horrible cycle and right now my stomach just hurts so much :(
I’m so frustrated with myself.
Thanks for listening, you guys really help me feel less alone with all of this, I love this sub so much.
[Discussion] What is the goal of your ED?
/u/bokoblin-buddy
Created: Sat Apr 7 22:34:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ans07/what_is_the_goal_of_your_ed/
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So i was just sitting and thinking about how a lot of therapists say that eating disorders are a method of control, which I don't disagree with, but I feel like it's a bit general. So I'll start to provide an example.
My ED started as a way to cope with trauma. I'd binge eat to make the bad feelings go away and my 6 year old brain didn't understand that it wasn't healthy. Then it morphed into a way to controlling my negative emotions and also weight loss and self punishment. By the time this came around, I had put on a lot of weight from bingeing and was alternating between bingeing and fasting, and eventually purging.
It changed again recently after I was raped and I went through a really bad break up. Sure, I still hated myself and I still wanted to lose weight, but I wasn't satisfied with 120 or 110. I wanted to get to 70 or 80. I wanted(and still want) to be angular and sharp and so small no one dares touch me because they're scared I might break. I don't want to be beautiful, I want to be grotesque.
[Rant/Rave] My mother had an eating disorder
/u/fabluous
Created: Sat Apr 7 21:44:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aniv6/my_mother_had_an_eating_disorder/
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\>Be me, highschooler, poor social skills, shit self-esteem, but healthy weight & athletic, runs xc & track
\>Entire family is overweight, health/losing weight is often a topic of discussion
\>Randomly decide to visit sister's and hang out, at one point she talks about losing weight
\>Not close to my siblings and don't really talk to them, but start telling her about my ED-related habits and trivial stuff
\>She asks if I'm insecure about my body or weight
\>Yeah we're not getting into that
\>Shrugs, "Yeah kinda", don't elaborate
\>Our mom died when my sister was 15 and when I was 4
\>She starts to talk about how, according to our dad, our mom used to have an eating disorder when she was younger
\>There would be periods of time where she was very skinny
\>Says if she didn't work out every day, she couldn't go to sleep because she "needed to burn calories, or something" and would exercise in the dark
\>This is all a shock to me
\>Mom was overweight from what I remembered of her
\>Sister says she was always "normal teenage girl insecure", but wondered if any of us 3 daughters would struggle with the same thing
\>Maybe my sister knows
\>Maybe I wasn't as subtle as I thought
\>Maybe my family actually notices my weight fluctuation
\>Maybe my dad knows
\>Father notices whenever I lose weight and will enforce eating dinner at the table/prepare extra food for me/physically offer me food, etc.
\>Always believed he was trying to sabotage me because he felt threatened by me losing weight since he was overweight himself
\>Maybe he was just looking out for me all along and knew what to watch out for
This happened yesterday and it's made me question a lot of things
I've read before that eating disorders can be influenced by genetics, but always ignored it because I figured it didn't apply to me, but this new knowledge changes that. I grew up without my mother, so I wonder if that's the case with me? Was I predispositioned from the start?
Also, I commented this a while back in response to a thread on this sub.
*My mother died when I was 4, but I know she was a kind and compassionate woman. If she hadn't died, I think my life would be different and I could genuinely talk to her, but I'm severely inhibited and unsocialized from being brought up by my dad and I feel incapable of having a wholesome outlook and connecting with others, I feel so distanced from everything. I don't know where my life is going or if it'll go anywhere at all. I just want to know my mother's will, what would make her proud of me and happy. I figured I would just off myself at some point since there's nothing for me to live for, but I would do anything for her. If my mom told me her will, gave me some sort of mission or what she wanted for me, I would do just that*
*Sometimes I ask myself if my mother would be proud of me for whatever specific thing I'm doing at that moment. I never do anything productive or meaningful, nothing that raises my prospects in life or will matter a year from now, and it makes me ashamed.* **My mother wouldn't have raised a child with a rotten mind that has nothing better to do than starve herself out of self-hatred.**
I feel conflicted about this post in retrospect, now knowing my mother struggled with the same petty, vain issues. On one hand I feel relieved and less petty because I know my mother was a wonderful person, and maybe I'm not a horrible person, either, then, for having these issues. On the other hand, I feel incredibly nihilistic in response to this old comment i posted-- yes, my mother suffered the same thing, and it feels like it sort of invalidates the whole entire point of the comment (see bolded). Not even my mother could have provided me salvation, and now I feel hopeless
[Rant/Rave] This isn't really related but it's really upsetting me and I don't know where else to talk about it
/u/iwanttoblowaway [5'8 | 116 | 17.4 | 21]
Created: Sat Apr 7 21:28:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8anftc/this_isnt_really_related_but_its_really_upsetting/
---
I accidentally deleted this when I posted it minute ago. Hey guys this isn't ED related but I feel like we're a family here and it's really stressing me out. I'm 21. I'm a senior in college (but I still have another year before I finish my degree). It just hit me a few months ago that I'm literally a fucking adult and I don't like that. I really miss my parents and being young. Like last night I got home from the bar and turned on the TV and sponge bob was on and I almost cried. I used to watch that every saturday with my dad. He travelled a lot for work and got home a lot of weeks after I was asleep on Friday but every saturday morning I remember being so excited to wake up because he'd be home and we'd snuggle in bed and watch it. Or tonight I was walking home from my friend's house and one of the bars I walked past was playing a song that was in a movie I watched with my mom more times than I could count. I can't remember what it was called I've spend half an hour trying to find it but I just remember sitting with my mom on the couch under a blanket watching it and being so happy. I had an amazing childhood and in most people lives I have an amazing life. I have more than anyone could ever want and I just feel like there’s no excuse for me to be as fucked up as I am.
I go to school 8 hours away from home but I literally never got homesick until this year. They've always told me if I want to come home I can just book a flight and let them know and they'll pick me up at the airport and I never did that until this year. Even freshman year I loved being here with my friends and going out and just having fun and I only went home on breaks. I dont know what happened but I've gone home just about 2 times a month this year. I literally just booked a flight home next weekend even though I was just home for Easter last weekend. And theres a bunch of stuff going on next weekend I should stay in town for but I just need to go home and see my parents and my dog. I have a huge group of amazing friends and I always feel bad leaving them I don't want them to think i don't like them anymore. They're always like "wtf stay in town and hang out with us this weekend don't go home" and I just don't know what to tell them. One of my friend's dad passed away this year and I realized that my parents aren't going to be here forever and I don't know if I can handle that. My parents aren't that old but they're not young either and people die suddenly every day and I just feel like I need to be home in case that happens. I miss my grandparents so much. They're gone now but I just remember being so excited to go see them when I was little. They spend every summer at the lake and it was always so much fun going to see them with my parents and my cousins. I don't even tell my friends from high school when I'm going home because then I'll have to do stuff with them. I literally just sit at my parents house and chill and it's so lame I feel like.
I'm pretty drunk but I needed to get all of this off my chest and see if anyone else feels this way. Like all of the sudden I don't want to grow up anymore. I really don't want to graduate in a year and have to go get a job and make new friends in a new city probably even farther away from my parents. And I don't even know if I want to work in my major. I like it and I'm really good at it but working in it just is so boring in reality but that's a whole other post for another day. So I dont know what's going to happen there.
More than half of my friends are graduating in a few weeks and it's breaking my heart. It makes going home even worse becasue I feel like I should be wanting to stay here and enjoy the little time I have left with them but I just don't care anymore. I love them but I'm being realistic. I probably won't talk to most of them in a year they'll be living their own lives. I cant imagine being in their shoes and being happy about it. I really don't want anything to change any more than it already has.
I just feel so alone in this.
[Rant/Rave] This isn't ED related but it's stressing me out and i really need to vent
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 7 21:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8anchx/this_isnt_ed_related_but_its_stressing_me_out_and/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Came across this on AliExpress advertising stretchy pants for big sizes. Trigger warning A little disgusted but also kinda see it as thinspiration . I feel so many ways about this.
/u/DietDuchess
Created: Sat Apr 7 21:01:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8analp/came_across_this_on_aliexpress_advertising/
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https://i.redd.it/cjcq6baqolq01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] The junk food in my house is driving me insane.
/u/JimMakingTheFace [5’5” | CW:133 | GW: 115]
Created: Sat Apr 7 20:57:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8an9mx/the_junk_food_in_my_house_is_driving_me_insane/
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Im currently living with my parents while attending University, and my mother’s shopping is killing me. I know this sounds whiny, but she just brought a half gallon of my favorite ice cream home and I feel so weak.
I’m disgusted by my stomach, by my thighs.. I’m trying so hard to stay below 800kcals a day, but the temptation is killing me. Maybe I need to learn to purge just so I can not hate myself after I eat. I’ve already hit 1,000kcals today and I’m furious with myself. Bloody damn. I’m so fucking weak.
[Discussion] From the fasting subreddit. But they're not promoting eating disorders...
/u/bokoblin-buddy
Created: Sat Apr 7 20:44:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8an71i/from_the_fasting_subreddit_but_theyre_not/
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https://i.redd.it/80d8y2imllq01.png
[Other] My boyfriend only watches petite porn
/u/peeenisweeenis
Created: Sat Apr 7 20:26:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8an3e9/my_boyfriend_only_watches_petite_porn/
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We share phones and I was accidentally logged into his account. Of course I expected some porn as I watch it too, but it’s literally all petite and skinny women.
I fucking hate myself. I never want to eat again. Honestly I’m definitely going to start purging and exercising every day now. I need to change I want too. Looking at food makes me sick and I wish I was his ideal. I’m just done now. I tried recovery and I gained so much.
I’m sorry if this post upset anyone, I just needed to type this to stop crying for a few minutes. I really love this community and please stay safe.
[Help] Can someone please help?
/u/dizquar [H: 173cm | CW: 58.5kg | BMI: 19.5 | ♀]
Created: Sat Apr 7 19:14:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8amojw/can_someone_please_help/
---
I’m at the keg (a restaurant) and I order a mixed green salad with no dressing. I ate a couple slices of cucumber & lettuce, but I’m paranoid there’s more calories from left over oil or something on the fork and I just ate 200 calories instead of 15. Is this possible? Do restaurant salads have more calories?
[Help] How do I hide my ED from my mom?
/u/BeautySmooch [170 cm | CW: 58.8kg | GW: 45 kg]
Created: Sat Apr 7 19:09:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8amnmb/how_do_i_hide_my_ed_from_my_mom/
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I'm 16 so I still live with my parents. This means that my mom cooks every meal. She knows that I am restricting because I run competitively, but she will only tolerate it up to a certain point. She's definitely not going to approve of this when I become underweight. How do I hide my ED when I get to around 115-120 lbs? My goal weight is 100 lbs, so I am not sure how to keep convincing her to let me restrict.
[Intro] Not So Alone?
/u/indigo-is-blue
Created: Sat Apr 7 18:56:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8amkz0/not_so_alone/
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Hello All,
I’m joining the community here so I won’t feel so alone. I’m not ready for recovery, but it would be nice to talk with others who understand what I’m going through. Please feel free to PM me. I’m 23 | F | 5’5 | Tempe, AZ. Nice to meet you all.
[Rant/Rave] Scared of weight gain after eating 4 cookies rip
/u/kingarthersixties [5'6 | 125 | 21.05 | GW: 118 | female]
Created: Sat Apr 7 18:38:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8amgze/scared_of_weight_gain_after_eating_4_cookies_rip/
---
Hello I just ate three or four of these cookie things they're kind of like tea biscuits idk what they are. I feel like I'm going to gain 2 pounds from this. I got to 122 from ~125 and im stressin. I know it's not logical and I won't gain 2 pounds of fat from this but I just don't want to see the number on the scale rise again whether from water weight or fat. :(
also jfc its crazy how angry I get when I don't eat. chill out @me
its normal to get angry right?? anyone else get super mad at everything
[Help] Today I hit ‘recovery’ rock bottom and I quit.
/u/FireForSale [27F| 5'2.5" | LW: 92 | GW: 103 | CW: 187]
Created: Sat Apr 7 17:50:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8am60o/today_i_hit_recovery_rock_bottom_and_i_quit/
---
I haven’t been here in a long time because I don’t know. Im about six years post treatment.
I’m not happy now at “ “ “ healthy “ “ “ and I know I’m never going to be happy regardless so why not sabotage all the good in my life?
The guy I had a date with three weeks ago (and slept with) wanted to take me out to dinner tonight. I also received my recently renewed drivers license in the mail. I knew it was going to be bad but not 200lb drag queen bad.
Also I found his exes Facebook and she is stunning. Here are the two of them: [I can’t even. ](https://imgur.com/gallery/SruSP) So I said thank you but I wouldn’t be any fun at dinner. Of course I didn’t say I’m relapsing and I’m going to restrict or purge every calorie I put in my mouth. But I did say I’m recently on a strict liquid diet and I’ve had enough of my current eating habits.
He sent a frown emoji. He said he bought new pants and a crisp white shirt.
I said I’m sorry - bad timing.
So here we are. Self-sabotaging just like the good old days, one fuck up at a time.
I told him a week ago I don’t know why a guy like him is interest in a woman like me. He said just because we dont have the same proportions doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful.
Yes it does.
I’m done and I quit everything. Here’s to getting back to 100lbs or bust. Only 80lbs to go.
[Rant/Rave] My morning coffee feels like a meal now
/u/wednesdayschild_ [5'3" | CW: No idea | BMI: Too scared to know | WL: Not enough]
Created: Sat Apr 7 17:45:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8am4yq/my_morning_coffee_feels_like_a_meal_now/
---
I bought a french press at Ikea, so making coffee is now a whole process. I have to grind the coffee beans, boil water in my electric kettle, and steep it in the french press--as opposed to throwing already ground coffee in the Keurig and choking it down.
I used to love breakfast, so giving it up has been hard for me. This is a decent replacement because I feel like I'm preparing a meal (not to mention the coffee itself is so much better). I still miss eating breakfast, but this makes it less shitty.
Ugh. Overate. Again.
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | GW: 93 | -16| F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 17:29:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8am1hl/ugh_overate_again/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Another weekend, another binge
/u/LivinglnYourShadow [5'9.5" | ~128lbs | 18.3 | -15lbs | M]
Created: Sat Apr 7 17:25:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8am0lo/another_weekend_another_binge/
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Every week I follow the same dumb pattern.
Fast as long as I can in the beginning, usually Monday through late Wednesday. Think: "starving like this is stupid. Why am I doing this to myself? I'm gonna quit this ED." Eat relatively "normally" for a day or two. Binge over the weekend. Remember why I starve myself half the week. Repeat. 🙃
[Other] Who bothers trying to hide it anymore
/u/SonderingStudent [5'3" | 132 | 24.03 | -8 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 17:23:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8am06c/who_bothers_trying_to_hide_it_anymore/
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[removed]
[Discussion] Anyone here use CBD oil?
/u/variousnecessities7 [5'4" | CW 138 | GW 120-130 PLEASE | F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 17:19:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8alz43/anyone_here_use_cbd_oil/
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Just wondering as I’ve seen people talk about smoking weed and needing to control the munchies.
Anyways, I use CBD to keep my anxiety in check. It’s a pretty low-key cannabinoid, not psychoactive at all (you don’t get high), and its effects are rather subtle. But taking a dose at night really helps me keep night stress-eating/drinking in check.
Just wondered if anyone else includes this lovely little herbal supplement in their rotation and if so, your preferred method (oil? pills? vape?) and how much you take at a time?
Maybe a long shot but thought I’d see if I could connect with anyone here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Edit: I can’t figure out how to flair on mobile. I promise I’ll do so as soon as I get back to a laptop!! Edit edit: nvm, figured it out!
[Discussion] DAE Not Count the Cals in Weird Stuff?
/u/UnderseaK [5'7 | cw: 150lbs | bmi:23.4 | gw: 110lbs]
Created: Sat Apr 7 17:13:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8alxyi/dae_not_count_the_cals_in_weird_stuff/
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So, is there anything that you guys don't "have" to count? For me, I feel extremely compelled to count everything, even binge/purges, EXCEPT my gummy vitamin in the morning, the splenda in my coffee, and celery. Like, I know those things have cals, and sometimes I'll count other stuff that has fewer cals than the vitamins (like a single leaf of lettuce). I don't get it. Anyone else do this?
[Discussion] I am incapable of eating normally ever
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sat Apr 7 16:31:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8alo9m/i_am_incapable_of_eating_normally_ever/
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I literally can only highly restrict or binge. I cant eat 1200 calories a day. Unless I'm counting calories and literally tracking everything I eat, I binge and completely lose control. When I binge, I'm not talking 500 calorie binges. I'm talking 5000 calorie binges. I feel so sick and guilty afterwards every time, but I cannot break the binge restrict cycle I seem to have going on. I dont have my stats up because I am on mobile, but I've been the same weight for about the past 6 months because I restrict and do so well and then I lose weight. But then, I fucking sabotage myself by binging. Every. Single. Time. I feel like I'm going insane. But when I do track my intake, I'm so good at restricting. I usually restrict to about 700-950 kcals but I always ruin it. I'm so lost....
[Help] I don't know if I'm transgender or if this is just another side effect of my eating disorder.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 90 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | 16 F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 16:20:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8alli8/i_dont_know_if_im_transgender_or_if_this_is_just/
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I realized that every unattainable trait that would make me more comfortable with my body is masculine: being taller, being flat-chested, not having a defined waist, being muscular, having broader shoulders, being more angular. I used to unthinkingly describe the body I want as sexless and pristine, but now that I sit back and really consider what I've always aspired to look and behave like, it seems so blatant that I want to be a man. When I'd just hit puberty, I went on countless crash diets in a futile attempt to turn back the clock and did haphazard weightlifting in hopes of virilizing myself. I used to imagine myself as the male roles in books I loved. Even the characteristics I want to eliminate from my personality are traditionally feminine. When I envision the person I wish I could be, I can't fathom how I didn't notice that being female isn't included.
But why do I even give a shit? I'm incurably afraid of making any irreversible choice, afraid of mutilating myself just to realize that I'm a sad half-girl masquerading as something I'll never actually be, afraid of people indulging me and pitying me more than they already do, afraid of not being real and fulfilling the stereotype of the mannish lesbian. Maybe I'm just inventing this as a weird subconscious tactic to subvert my attention from my shitty personality and blame something else for my low opinion of myself. Maybe I'm seeking imaginary justification for my body dysmorphia. I'm extremely conflicted about this.
[Goal] DAE can only eat a set amount of calories without b/p
/u/poppybex
Created: Sat Apr 7 16:06:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ali9z/dae_can_only_eat_a_set_amount_of_calories_without/
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[removed]
[Discussion] DAE can only eat a set calorie goal and feel like purging if it goes above
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 7 15:58:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8alg70/dae_can_only_eat_a_set_calorie_goal_and_feel_like/
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[deleted]
Good news, everyone! I don't have an eating disorder! I can't wait to get down to 90 lbs!
/u/AnimalCount
Created: Sat Apr 7 15:57:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8alfuz/good_news_everyone_i_dont_have_an_eating_disorder/
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https://i.redd.it/ctopc7b16kq01.png
[Rant/Rave] My new birth control made me gain 10 pounds
/u/_coquelicot [5'9 | CW: 160 | HW:180 | GW:130 | 19F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 15:55:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8alfa4/my_new_birth_control_made_me_gain_10_pounds/
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I feel like i’ve been binging for a month straight. I started a new birth control, and I am literally never full. Before this I would feel full after slowly eating small meals, but now I can eat an entire family sized meal of something and will either be full for an hour or never get full. It has helped me the most out of all the birth control pills i have tried, but the weight gain side effect is making me crazy. I’m so torn on whether I should change to a different pill or just work out a lot more...
[Thinspo] Healthy thinspo?
/u/CursiveBurg
Created: Sat Apr 7 15:41:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8alc1b/healthy_thinspo/
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Does anyone have thinspo but at healthy weights? Like maybe 18.5-19 BMI?
Thanks
[Other] Ana, Mia...
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 15:26:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8al897/ana_mia/
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https://i.redd.it/7u4uplqi0kq01.png
[Discussion] How are people not bulimic?
/u/PinkyOutYo
Created: Sat Apr 7 15:22:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8al7iy/how_are_people_not_bulimic/
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I'm having a girly night with my best and longest friend and we're doing face masks. She's putting hers on now so I'm posting this because I'm flabbergasted.
I'm skinny. Like, obviously I'll never be skinny enough, but I am objectively skinny. She looks about the same as me weight-wise. She has just listed off the meals she's had for the last week. She has eaten out every night this week other than tonight. A whole pizza here, a bowl of pasta there.
How do people eat volumes of food and not throw up? It's honestly so alien to me. I don't understand how someone can eat even two slices of pizza and not feel horrendous. Like, you just sit there with food in your stomach and DIGEST IT? Willingly?
I genuinely can't fathom it. Someone help me out?
[Goal] Overcoming bulimia with fasting: 3 Week fast to a better life?
/u/blood_lust_emoXxXfag
Created: Sat Apr 7 15:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8al6tx/overcoming_bulimia_with_fasting_3_week_fast_to_a/
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So, here's the deal. I made this account apparently 8 months ago, and I had a fully-fledged "recovery plan" I was motivated, then I did what so many of us do...I fell off the wagon, made excuses, gave up and ignored reddit for 8 bloody months.
So here I am again and I want to be successful this time. Anyone who wants to join me (not nessicarrily doing what I do, but accepting where they are and committing to change it) is welcome!
I've decided to begin a water fast today. This isn't a light decision, it's one I've been playing around with for a very long time, yet I always find a way to not go through with it, not sure why, but I suppose that's the way it goes. The plan is to fast for about 3 weeks, maybe longer, maybe shorter.
I'm heading out now to buy some urine-ketone testing strips, and a bunch of SmartWater (it has electrolytes which is much appreciated). So far today all I've had was a cup of coffee, and 6 bags of dandelion root tea. Why??? Well I had coffee because I'm a caffeine addict and didn't feel like going cold turkey would be great. I drank the dandelion root tea, not because of any special reason besides personal comfort. Dandelion root tea is a rather powerful and safe diuretic, so allowing my body to dump the water-bloat without having to wait a full 24 hours was a decision I made--as I said-- out of comfort. I simply wanted to look and feel more comfortable starting the fast to help motivate me to get through the first few days.
So, I weighed 156.6lbs at 9:54a.m, and by 2:43p.m I weighed 153.4 (that's the power of dandelion root tea!), so now that I feel pretty confident that my excess water weight is gone we will call my starting weight:
SW: 153.4lbs
GW: 140lbs
UGW: 129lbs
So, what's with the goal weights? More on that later. Goodbye for now!
[Discussion] Just realized how I can bring my disordered eating into my summer garden...
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'9.5" | CW: 158.3 oops | 22.54 | LW: 126 | F 🌻]
Created: Sat Apr 7 15:09:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8al48b/just_realized_how_i_can_bring_my_disordered/
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I don't have much of a heat tolerance. So naturally, I'll grow haberno peppers as a natural diuretic and use those all summer instead.
[Help] ECA: The Details
/u/glorydaisy [5'3 | CW 118 | UGW 100]
Created: Sat Apr 7 15:09:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8al42x/eca_the_details/
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So I'm starting to stack and I want to know everything; I'm on Bronkaid and Excedrin, but I was told Bronkaid would make me really hyperactive, but so far I feel the same, having started taking it yesterday. Each pill is supposed to have 25mg of ephedrine. Are you supposed to take more than one a day? (The box says people with asthma should take one every four hours.) If not, what would happen if you did? I need more info, but every Google search leads to talks about bodybuilding.
Bonus question: why are people with thyroid diseases not supposed to take Bronkaid?
Equate plus??!
/u/boken2peices78
Created: Sat Apr 7 15:05:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8al34c/equate_plus/
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Can you still lose? Like if you only were to drank 3 equates a day (350 each)? Have you had any experiences with this? I was forced by my mom to drink 2 today (one for breakfast, one for lunch). Yesterday I had one for dinner (350) and breakfast esstensel yogurt smoothie (130), so totalling 480 yesterday and 700 today😶
it makes my stomach hurt so bad and it makes you really full. Not fun. This has been causing me to stress so much because it's the same thing as ensure plus but a different brand, and I've read about people having it in impatient.. i don't have to eat any solids though so that's a up😁
i'm sorry for the long paragraph, but I've been freaking out about this all day, i'm SO close to my gw.
[Other] what i had for lunch :)
/u/tsumanne [5'4 | cw 130 | gw 100]
Created: Sat Apr 7 14:54:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8al0k7/what_i_had_for_lunch/
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https://i.redd.it/dhnrjh46vjq01.jpg
[Help] Seeking help as an adult
/u/WhatsAMooseSay [5'5 | CW: 202 lbs | -73 lbs | GW: 120 | 27F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 14:36:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8akw15/seeking_help_as_an_adult/
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So long story short, the last time I "got help" for my ED I was underage and living at home and my parents steamrolled me into therapy and out patient and nutritionists and the like.
Im now a full grown adult with kids of my own and I'm starting to worry about the health effects of the near-constant purging.
How do I go about getting help?
Can I just ask a doc to check out my heart and electrolytes without agreeing to full blown ED "recovery"? Can I avoid therapy etc if all I want to do is treat the health issues? Are there meds that will help me not mindlessly binge, which leads to the purge?
Sorry if this is stupid.
Im not really ready to fully recover (god I'm still obese i cant stop) but I also dont want to drop dead of a heart attack.
[Rant/Rave] The special hell of being a foodie with disordered eating
/u/variousnecessities7 [5'4" | CW 138 | GW 120-130 PLEASE | F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 14:23:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8akspn/the_special_hell_of_being_a_foodie_with/
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Big DAE post!
I understand calorie-counting could reduce *a lot* of my anxiety surrounding food, and allow me to restrict more healthfully.
But I just *love* cooking. I don't mean follow-a-recipe-exactly cooking, but have-fun-fucking-around-with-dashes-of-this-and-that cooking. It's nearly impossible and incredibly tedious to track those calories.
I also love dining out, but I do so almost exclusively at small, non-chain, local restaurants that never have calories counts.
So I make up for the uncertainty with increased restriction. It just...sucks. I want to be over this. Part of me wants to start exclusively eating food with labels and nutrition facts so I can count it all up and be safe. But that's just not my jam. It brings me no joy. I would rather feel faint for several days to compensate for calorie uncertainty.
Not looking for advice or help, just commiseration.
[Rant/Rave] (Rant) why does fa have to ruin eating disorders?
/u/Suchsmolsuchwow
Created: Sat Apr 7 13:56:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aklyh/rant_why_does_fa_have_to_ruin_eating_disorders/
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I'm super sorry if this seems really rude or bitchy; but I hate how every huge fat advocate seems to have had am eating disorder. Like as someone who's overweight and seems to go through phases of disordered eating I honestly feel like this invalidates me. Like I have told 2 people in my life I have an ed. I was bulimic in high school for a bit and bounce between heavy restriction/heavy exercise and seemingly normal eating. But I don't say anything because I'm fat and these 400lb people claiming to be recovered makes me feel so awkward like people would see me like that. I'm sorry if this is jumbled I'm just feeling stressed lately and feel myself slipping back to heavy restriction from moderate restriction and I'm just frustrated feeling like I can't talk to people
[Discussion] DAE notice how similar ED compulsions and OCD are?
/u/dalliantdoll [5'1 | CW 91 | 17.? | 18 F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 13:25:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8akegr/dae_notice_how_similar_ed_compulsions_and_ocd_are/
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I’ve had OCD since I was a really young child, and it was life-disruptingly intense up until around the beginning of high school, when I started to get better medication and a better handle on it. I’m graduated now, so it’s been a while since OCD has really held the driver’s seat on my mental illness bus, but over the past year I’ve noticed more and more how similar having and eating disorder is to obsessive compulsive disorder.
With OCD as it’s own thing, I had specific things like a straight up inability to step on cracks in the sidewalk, having to touch everything a certain number of times, shaking a snow globe every night before bed, and other random things like that, which most of the time I felt physically forced to do even if I was sick of it. Nowadays, sometimes I have a bit more autonomy over what I choose to eat and do and such, but when it’s really in high gear, my body just feels like it’s physically being puppeted by anxiety. Like even if I decided logically that I wanted to eat something, even a safe food, or am too tired or occupied to get on the exercycle, the compulsion is too strong to do anything but follow, and I find I literally can’t put food in my mouth without immediately rejecting it and spitting it out involuntarily, or I run to the cycle and just keep going until my brain stops “screaming” at me. And it’s so so so similar to the routines and ticks I had as a kid, just manifested in a different area of my life. It’s partly fascinating, partly sucks, because it feels like just when I thought I escaped the compulsions they just found a new way to sneak back into my life.
Has anyone else with OCD noticed the tie between it their ED? Sometimes I wonder whether it’s that they’re based in the same part of the brain, or if having OCD just leaves you more prone to developing and ED. Probably both??
[Rant/Rave] Overwhelming guilt
/u/denimlemonade [5'4" | CW 154.8 | 27.1 | GW 110 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 13:16:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8akc9k/overwhelming_guilt/
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I feel so guilty all the time. Of course it's feeling guilty over being a disgusting pig who can't stop eating and can't fit in any clothes, but lately body stuff has become the secondary guilt. I feel SO guilty about the amount of food I buy and waste. It's an endless cycle of buying food --> eating as much as I can stomach --> throwing out the rest because I'm totally going to eat healthy tomorrow --> repeat forever. I feel so horrible and entitled because I'm spending hundreds of dollars per month on food that I just throw out, while other people can't even afford enough to eat. I keep telling myself that if I ever make it out of this horrible cycle I'll spend the rest of my life minimizing the amount of food I waste.
[Goal] Started setting my calorie goal at "lose .5 lbs a week". Lessens the guilt of binges and gives me a "second chance" before i do any significant damage
/u/clobbertimooo
Created: Sat Apr 7 12:51:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ak5w8/started_setting_my_calorie_goal_at_lose_5_lbs_a/
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https://i.redd.it/7rjpvr489jq01.png
[Rant/Rave] Am I relapsing or have I never really recovered.
/u/imnevergold [170 | CW 52 | GW 47 | BMI 17.94 | F |]
Created: Sat Apr 7 11:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ajpgy/am_i_relapsing_or_have_i_never_really_recovered/
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I thought I was going to be healthier this year, but my uncle died and I weighed myself. I'm so homesick and I'm doing terrible in my first year of uni. I just want to fast away all my problems. I hope my roommates don't notice. I hate myself. I'm not sure if I'm going through a relapse or if I never recovered. I'm well within the healthy weight range now and I hate it. Even though I said I would try to be healthier there are days when I only have one meal and days where don't eat, because I'm not hungry. I think this how I deal with my feelings. My uncle died, I'm sad, I'm not going to eat. Do normal people do this? This is such a shitty rant, I'm all over the place now. Sorry guys.
[Rant/Rave] FOR the last time I haven't lost weight! - a rant about my night last night.
/u/Douchebagette
Created: Sat Apr 7 11:37:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ajnnd/for_the_last_time_i_havent_lost_weight_a_rant/
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Last nights my girlfriend completely dismantled my life. I honesty just feel dead right now. It was the same conversation we've had a million times at this point:
- you keep losing weight! This is unhealthy! Why are you fasting! You restrict too much! You obsess about calories! If you lose any more weight you'll be underweight!
1) the most important thing I HAVE NOT LOST ANY WEIGHT SINCE JANUARY I weight usually between 110 and 108 which is healthy.
2) I feel healthy, I never complain about being tired (well sometimes), feel ill, I eat balanced healthy homcooked meals with meat veg and carbs and fats. Normal food.
3) yup I like to fast, not longer than a day. She was angry at me yesterday that I downloaded a fasting app that recommended 13 hour fasting so I was doing that. When've been eating OMAD accidentaly off and on for years. How is that any different
4) I don't? I don't eat a lot sure but I'm not restricting my calorie intake at all, I don't cut out whole groups of foods (I even eat fast food sometimes)
5) FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME I DONT COUNT CALORIES. It just shows how little she pays attention to what my. Actual issues are.
6) I know, I've told her the two times I've been underweight, or even lost a littler weight in the healthy range and literally said "I've lost weight, I don't want to be underweight, I'm going to get more snacks and the grocery store" then I gained it back. How in the fuck does this not prove I'm fine? She's so fucking blind
I used to be comfortable eating around her and being honest with my disordered eating but I don't know if I can do that anymore.
She keeps saying she doesn't want me to change what I'm doing because of her but how can I not? I was crying for hours and hours last night because I feel so stuck. I was happy and healthy (honest!) and actually was learning to live in a safe way with my shitty brain but that's all trash now. I was starting to like my body
But I don't get to feel like that. Feeling pretty and skinny upsets her I guess? I honestly can't think of any other explanation as fucked up as that sounds.? I just don't want to give it up. I want to not have to think about how I eat and live but now I know she's breathing down my back examining everything and apparently just making things up too. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm allowed to do.
I just fucking bought a small sized pant and I guess it was a giant waste of money since I have to be fat to make her happy.
[Help] teeth
/u/bmddx
Created: Sat Apr 7 11:34:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ajmrf/teeth/
---
hey, so this is probably a too little too late situation, but i've been caught in a bad b/p cycle lately & my two front teeth have, like, two darkish lines running down them. i have invisalign, & the lines seem to stem from the attachments (probably irrelevant extra info, just wanted to give a clearer picture). i have prom today, & i was just wondering if anyone had any quick (even if minimal) fixes to teeth being fucked.
[Help] starbucks help?
/u/fitisthegoal [F21|5'6|CW127 |GW110]
Created: Sat Apr 7 11:17:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ajiro/starbucks_help/
---
Sorry if this is obnoxious or not allowed but I thought I looked up the calories last night but now I can't find them, but I got a skinny (with almond milk) grande cinnamon dulce macchiato/latte and can't find how many calories it would all be.
It says the skinny grande with non fat is 130 but would it be less with almond milk?
TIA and please remove or flame me if this is annoying!!
[Thinspo] using a breakup as ED fuel? sleeping w/ my ex as thinspo?
/u/bumblers [5'8"| 125.3 | -20 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 11:15:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aji8n/using_a_breakup_as_ed_fuel_sleeping_w_my_ex_as/
---
TL;DR: got dumped, feeling really out of control !!!
well spring hast sprung and with it a plethora of new problems! i got dumped, by my boyfriend of 1 year, about a month ago because of my anxiety (lol @ when he promised he'd never break up with me because of my anxiety) and now i'm lonely and fat!
but not that lonely, because we're still sleeping together!!! woo hoo excellent life decisions!! but now because we're just friends I get to here him talk about all the other skinnier prettier gals he wants to fuck! SO! that's been super cool. it makes me feel so terrible about myself that it's propelled me into having to take action due to pure shame
sadly I rly am that fat though, think I'm around 140 now maybe? tbh I don't even know because I dont own a scale because I was in ~recovery~ and *~concentrating on my health~*
anyways, when I had a panic attack before i even got out of bed today i figured I should do something for myself. so I came here and immediately felt better. because at least I can control my fucking body, even if I can't control my goddamn life
thnx for reading this shitty post!! i'll update w/ my actual weight when I weigh myself today !! hello crash diet 2018 !!
I love that you can literally see the pattern of "My weight is so low, time to reward myself!" "You're doing that too much, time to restrict!"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 7 11:13:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ajhse/i_love_that_you_can_literally_see_the_pattern_of/
---
https://imgur.com/FV4XmRs
[Rant/Rave] "Don't binge: You'll get yourself sick." (binges) Well, I don't know what I expected.
/u/KeyHeight
Created: Sat Apr 7 11:03:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ajf7u/dont_binge_youll_get_yourself_sick_binges_well_i/
---
LMAO after eating 200 cals max for the past week, I decided to binge on cheese and sugary frosting. 800 cal max, my stomach doesn't care! I've spent the last hour puking it up—not even on purpose! My body is just revolting against eating rich food after subsisting on spinach for a week! I'm disgusting!
Kill me oh my god please...
Edit: I just realized that I'm puking up my Ritalin too, which I have a limited supply of, and that's just great, fantastic
[Other] DAE use really small bowls to make it seem like they have a lot of food? 100 cals of cereal
/u/JimMakingTheFace [5’5” | CW:133 | GW: 115]
Created: Sat Apr 7 10:59:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aje2j/dae_use_really_small_bowls_to_make_it_seem_like/
---
https://i.redd.it/qncsmb14piq01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] So what’s not helpful...
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 10:56:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ajdc4/so_whats_not_helpful/
---
[removed]
My dad pinches my back fat and asks me how much I weigh every day.
/u/atrociousamosa [5'4 | CW: 115 | GW: unattainable]
Created: Sat Apr 7 10:34:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aj7pw/my_dad_pinches_my_back_fat_and_asks_me_how_much_i/
---
I'm 22 and still live with my parents because I'm broke right now. I started becoming obsessed with food and weight at the age of 16/17 after my dad started making comments about how big my butt was (bmi was 20.5 at the time). That sparked my journey towards EDNOS and body dysmorphia. My dads friends always made fun of my mom for being overweight and my dad often criticized her for it. Whenever I'd have overweight friends in high school, I'd get made fun of for hanging out with them. These are all old memories that stick to me, but my dad's words/actions always got to me the most. When I am out shopping with my Dad, I often see him checking out thin younger women. This makes me feel bad for my mom and even more terrified of being overweight. 10 minutes ago while I was laying on my stomach, he decided to pinch my back fat while saying " let's see how much fat you have." That made me want to rage, so I just got up to leave. As I was about to leave, he asked me how much I weigh. My dumbass decided to say "guess." His response was a number higher than my actual weight which made me want to explode internally even more. Anyone else have family members like this?
[Help] Good calculator for nutritional needs?
/u/Suusss [| 5'6 | 143 / 120 / 115 \\ 111 \\ 109]
Created: Sat Apr 7 10:28:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aj6e5/good_calculator_for_nutritional_needs/
---
I got inspired by someone's comment on someone's post to figure out my 'needs' based on TDEE and Weight/Height to crunch some numbers to tell me, like, how much iron I need out of xyz amount of grams of protein.
I can't find shyyyt on google.
[Goal] I'm running out of time to make my goal weight and it's giving me anxiety.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Apr 7 10:12:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aj2ar/im_running_out_of_time_to_make_my_goal_weight_and/
---
[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Lanugo is a bitch
/u/Elizawitch [5'3" | Female | CW: 100lbs | GW: 90lbs | UGW: 85lbs]
Created: Sat Apr 7 08:40:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aig70/lanugo_is_a_bitch/
---
My mom noticed how fuzzy I’ve been and she’s not fucking wrong.
[Help] (Rant) I think my SO and I are fuelling each other's illnesses :/
/u/raspberry4
Created: Sat Apr 7 08:15:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aias3/rant_i_think_my_so_and_i_are_fuelling_each_others/
---
We've been together nearly 4yrs and he's honestly an amazing person. Very healthy emotionally, always trying to make me laugh, very reliable and trusting.
However we have 1 huge ongoing issue which is the medications that he has to take for his disability and chronic pain. The side effects of his meds and dealing with the disability cause him severe depression and 0 sex drive. He's been trying to get off the medication and he has been able to reduce his dose significantly (severe withdrawal on top of chronic pain makes this a slow process) but the symptoms are still there and I feel like they're starting to affect me. He says my ED relapse is the reason he hasn't been making progress with the dose reduction because he's been focusing his attention more on me.
I'm starting to feel like maybe he's contributing to my relapse in the sense that I'm using it as a coping mechanism for what he's going through, while my relapse is stalling his progress. Idk what to do. I really love him but this has a been a very long hard battle.
[Rant/Rave] Apparently I look even fatter than I am
/u/alexxxxis [5'9 | CW:129 | BMI: 19.2 | F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 07:56:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ai6mm/apparently_i_look_even_fatter_than_i_am/
---
I feel like a piece of shit posting this but I have to get it off my chest. One of my best friends got me a beautiful pair of jeans for my birthday but they’re size 28 and I wear size 25. I was honestly so upset that she thinks I’m that much bigger than I actually am but she was so excited to give them to me that I didn’t have the heart to tell her. I hate myself for making such a big deal over this when I can easily just exchange them.
[Rant/Rave] My period came back
/u/Greeneloaf
Created: Sat Apr 7 07:47:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ai4sx/my_period_came_back/
---
I haven’t had it in almost two months and me and my boyfriend are out of state for the weekend for his birthday. Yesterday he fucking asked me if there was a chance of me getting my period this weekend and I was like nah it’s been a while like I’m due for it but I haven’t had it in so long I doubt THIS WEEKEND it’ll happen to come and sure enough I’m spotting this morning. I’m sitting in the hotel bathroom sobbing while he’s sleeping because I was so proud of myself for losing my period. I felt like I was finally getting to my goal like I’m in the middle of a fast too I don’t know why I’m getting my period again. I feel so fat and stupid like I can’t stop fucking thinking about the single larabar I had 3 days ago and how being weak and allowing myself that treat is contributing me losing everything I worked so hard for. And side note, we’re both vegan and his favorite thing to do when we travel is visit vegan restaurants and it’s his birthday so if I make a fuss about eating I’m gonna ruin his day. I feel horrible.
Edit: let me add that I also have endometriosis and my periods are excruciating and i often faint from the pain of my cramps
[Rant/Rave] No appetite
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Sat Apr 7 07:26:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ai0r8/no_appetite/
---
Last night I decided to make myself structured eat to recover from bulimia and of course I wake up with zero appetite and no desire to eat.
It’s like my eating disorder just wont let me go....
[Discussion] What's Considered Fat For Japanese Girls?
/u/majimasan
Created: Sat Apr 7 07:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ai0cn/whats_considered_fat_for_japanese_girls/
---
https://youtu.be/E54-CsqE2JE
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! April 07, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 7 06:11:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ahnhd/stupid_questions_saturday_april_07_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for April 07, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 07, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Apr 7 06:10:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ahnds/daily_food_diary_april_07_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 07, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] I've fasted for 5 days now
/u/vulpixies [5'4" | CW 123 | 24F]
Created: Sat Apr 7 05:20:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ahfqr/ive_fasted_for_5_days_now/
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And all i feel is empty. This is the longest I've ever fasted, and im not even hungry. I just, cant feel anything. I have work tomorrow after 3 days off, and all I want is to faint in front of everyone so they can see how damaged I feel inside. I dont understand this simultaneous feeling of wanting people to see how sick I am, and wanting to hide away forever.
[Other] Hard Lesson Learned on a Tough Day
/u/nymphlotus
Created: Sat Apr 7 02:27:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8agsnm/hard_lesson_learned_on_a_tough_day/
---
Was dedicated this morning to fasting. Had three hard boiled eggs and coffee. Boyfriend invited me out to a movie. Ate like over half a bag of fucking goldfish crackers. Feel disappointed. Don't buy smokes because I'm broke. End up having a drink, which lowers my ability to say no to food. Have spicy ramen with added hot sauce. Thought, oh well I'll just purge the ramen; no harm no foul right?
Except I had never purged something with a fuck load of hot sauce in it before.
Made it to getting about half way through purging before I had to quit because it was burning my throat so bad and starting to make me cough.
I should have never bought snacks for the movie. I should have just bought smokes and went to sleep. Better luck tomorrow. At least I learned to never fucking purge something with hot sauce in it...
I've been maintaining my weight for 9 months...
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | CW oops | GW 93lbs | 🍑 inconceivable ]
Created: Sat Apr 7 02:24:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ags86/ive_been_maintaining_my_weight_for_9_months/
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in an endless cycle of restricting, bingeing, and purging! I'm still at my discharge weight, so everyone thinks I'm fine. Yay.
My eating disorder requires 97% of my headspace and takes up HOURS of my day, yet I can't even lose weight. I put all of my energy into something I consistently fail at. Fuck this existence
[Help] class As while fasting?
/u/losing_loser
Created: Sat Apr 7 00:45:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ageku/class_as_while_fasting/
---
I'm quite a heavy drug user I guess but it's almost exclusively just for nights out, I mostly take mandy/mdma and coke but also ket if I can get some, also a massive stoner but I don't count that as a drug. It's my friends rule that if I'm going to take anything I have to have had a proper dinner and a lot of water during the day. I always stick to it cos my friends would insist that it's the safest way to take drugs but does it actually matter that much? Am I more likely to have a bad time if I've been fasting for a couple days and will it worsen any side effects I already get? I get really bad shakes and teeth chattering on mandy which doesn't bother me much but I wouldn't want it to get any more intense than it already is. Ket can make me feel really confused and anxious sometimes and I wouldn't want that to worsen either. I feel like maybe it's not worth the risk as I take high doses but at the same time obviously it's really hard to eat a big meal especially when my cal limit is very strictly 600cal and I'm so close to my goal.
[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I got my first prescription for Adderall today and it is a game changer.
/u/chicklet2011 [5'6" | 179# | ??% | GW 120# | F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 23:34:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ag3m7/rant_i_got_my_first_prescription_for_adderall/
---
I'm an emotional eater, and one of my bingeiest emotions is boredom. I tend to feel bored a lot, which means I'm constantly every 15 minutes, up and down, in and out of the kitchen.
But I just took my first dose of Adderall ever, and I sat and worked on my laptop for 3 hours. I don't think I've ever done anything for 3 hours before. IS THIS HOW OTHER PEOPLE FEEL ALL THE TIME? Is this what focus feels like? College would have been so much easier if I had known I had ADD and gotten meds.
Anyway, I've read all the studies I can find on Adderall, and to be frank, a big part of my choice to talk to my neurologist about the suspected ADD had to do with the side effects of Adderall. It is a stimulant, so slight boost to metabolism, and it acts as an appetite suppressant as well. Weight loss is a common side effect which is certainly welcome.
I've been in a bad bad bad binge phase for about a year, and I've gained so much. The hate set me into restriction mode a few weeks ago, but I've yo-yo'd so much that 1000 calorie deficits barely makes a dent. I have a friend whom I use for food accountability (and she might lurk here, so if you are her, then you know who I am by this point in the post. Hello, lovely.) and she is losing a pound a day eating more than I do, with similar levels of exercise, and the scale won't fucking budge for me. Jealousy. Competition. Commiseration. Support. Real life ED friends are something special.
But maybe if my appetite is suppressed I can fast for longer. Or maybe I can handle cutting out a couple hundred extra calories if I'm not craving food, or wandering into the kitchen every 15 minutes because I'm bored. Since Adderall is my new morning dose of stimulant, I can skip the 10 kcal energy drink, and the 7kcal coffee with the 20 kcal tablespoon of milk in it. If my mind focuses of my activities, then I won't be obsessing about food, and how much I want that I can't have.
If I'm busy and focused all day, and running a good calorie deficit, then maybe I can work myself into exhaustion so I can actually break through the wall of insomnia and sleep at night.
I'm riding high right now with all of these hopes and wishful thoughts. I came in under my calorie limit today so I feel so accomplished and capable and small. Im still fat, but today I feel small and empty, and I love it.
Do any of you use Adderall for ADD? Do any of you abuse it for weight loss purposes? How do you feel?
[Discussion] Will becoming skinnyfat help with boob retention
/u/prettypleaser
Created: Fri Apr 6 23:04:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8afygr/will_becoming_skinnyfat_help_with_boob_retention/
---
Hear me out, i know targeted fat loss is not possible unfortunately :(
Does a higher body fat % help with keeping boobs from deflating? Basically:
restriction/muscle retention (high protein intake)/no exercise **vs** restriction/muscle building/fat-burning cardio
I've tried googling so many variations of this to no avail, since all the results are mostly of people exercising their way out of being skinnyfat and working on their pectoral muscles to counteract the deflating boob.
I'm obsessed with looking "soft" even though it's not the most desired aesthetic. I know boobs are made of mostly fat+tissue, so would substituting strength training/cardio for an extremely high protein diet for muscle retention/no cardio for slower fat loss help keep boobs around?
As I'm approaching an underweight BMI, i would like to take measures to prevent boob loss as much as possible, even if it won't be realistically possible at my UGW.
For now I'm losing weight slowly, not wearing a bra most of the time, and taking spironolactone (suppresses testosterone).
**Any insights/personal experiences/opinions are welcome!!**
*I hope this doesn't seem like I'm asking for diet tips, i can't find any info on this especially from people desiring an underweight BMI or having experienced it themselves.*
[Rant/Rave] My roommate called me a “piglet”
/u/anikaal
Created: Fri Apr 6 22:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8afrrm/my_roommate_called_me_a_piglet/
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Just like every other comment someone has made about my body this one will also not leave my head.
On mobile but just so you have an idea my stats are: 5’4 cw:115
The other day I was making popcorn (plain organic air popped) and she commented on how much I ate. Then called me a “little piglet” but after commented on how little I eat.
I’m still heated and I want popcorn but I can’t get that out of my head nor do I ever want to eat around them.
Healthy, balanced day 🤦🏼♀️
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 6 21:32:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8afhih/healthy_balanced_day/
---
https://i.redd.it/oitrm2z0peq01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I just want to walk out into the night and keep going
/u/Arakance [5'2" | CW: 115lb | GW: 95lb | SW: 125lb | 19F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 21:32:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8afhhk/i_just_want_to_walk_out_into_the_night_and_keep/
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Will probably delete this later but I needed to post it because I'm losing my shit.
I just want to put on my big winter coat and go outside and just walk and walk and walk forever. I wish I lived in the country side, but I guess the suburbs are better than downtown. I want to see if I can follow the highway to another city. I want some random car to offer me a ride and then murder me in the empty stretches of road between towns. I want the sun never to come up so I can just keep going and going until I keel over.
[Help] Help me. I'm obese
/u/rubiksolver007
Created: Fri Apr 6 21:31:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8afh6k/help_me_im_obese/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] I'm so upset with myself
/u/sbspaceman [5'7" | CW: Disgusting | BMI: 36.21 | UGW: 110]
Created: Fri Apr 6 21:05:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8afcdw/im_so_upset_with_myself/
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[removed]
[Discussion] "just naturally petite!"
/u/qncg
Created: Fri Apr 6 20:40:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8af7g6/just_naturally_petite/
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So, at the end of my pregnancy with my oldest I weighed 210 for a total gain of 102 lbs. When people ask about one of my tattoos, that detail comes up because it changed the way it looks.
I walked up to a table at work, two of my regulars and two other couples they brought. The husband said "listen to this, would you believe this little lady weighed more than 200 pounds when she delivered her oldest child!?" All of the women at the table gasped, and one asked if the weight fell off quickly or if I had a secret. I said that it did in fact fall off quickly and her husband said "that's what I thought, you are just naturally petite and have that tiny figure! That much weight wouldn't hang around long!"
And of course I was exploding with happiness.
What's the best compliment you've gotten lately??
[Help] My friend has an eating disorder and I don't know how to help her
/u/yoyomartov
Created: Fri Apr 6 20:37:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8af6yv/my_friend_has_an_eating_disorder_and_i_dont_know/
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About 2 years ago, my friend decided to start losing weight because she was insecure about being overweight and how it linked to her identity. She began to starve herself, eat about 300 calories a day and go to the gym every day. Fast forward to the present and she has binge eating disorder, anorexia, bulimia and depression. She has been going to therapy for these issues and she has visibly gained her weight back. However, she hates it because they make her eat 2000 calories per day, her hormones are all over the place because her body is not used to this and she has anxiety regarding her sudden weight gain and being labelled the 'fat chick' again.
I've tried listening to her issues and offering solutions to them but she finds them difficult to follow. She cries every single day and always checks out her body in windows and mirrors. On several occasions, she's asked people if they see her as fat or chubby and when we avoid the questions, she guilt trips us for doing so and makes us answer one or the other to validate the voice in her head. I really want to help her but the only option people keep telling me is to listen to her issues. Sometimes she feels better when I talk to how my own insecurities relate to hers but this only helps for a while. I really want to do something solid and get her out of this dark period because she's also in her final year of high school and it's really detrimental to her education.
Thanks for your help guys.
[Discussion] Caffeine gum
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 20:34:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8af6br/caffeine_gum/
---
Have any of you guys ever tried it? I bought some, but I'm honestly not even sure if it's making a difference.
[Other] Ya fridge ED much? 😂
/u/uglydelicious
Created: Fri Apr 6 20:12:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8af25b/ya_fridge_ed_much/
---
https://i.redd.it/ekunn2duaeq01.jpg
[Help] Thigh Gap lost from morning to night
/u/PineapplePrincezz [Height: 5'2.5" | CW 104 and fat AF| BMI: 18.54 |LW: 81.5| F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 20:10:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8af1p4/thigh_gap_lost_from_morning_to_night/
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I am freaking the f$ck out and I don't know what to do or what I did wrong and i've never been so disappointed in myself
This morning I had a thigh gap, just like i have for years, and all of a sudden I check tonight it's gone no matter what I do
Perhaps it's the fact that I ballooned up to my fat size where I all of a sudden got my period for first time in three years, or I'm just increasing in size at the fucking speed of light
has this happened to anyone??
I am freaking the fuck out and whatever I do I can't live like the freaking whale I am right now
[Rant/Rave] Fuck me i never thought id be back here
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 6 20:00:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aezhd/fuck_me_i_never_thought_id_be_back_here/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Disheartened about my arms.
/u/NoMindNeverMatter
Created: Fri Apr 6 19:52:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aexs1/disheartened_about_my_arms/
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[removed]
[Other] They call it “interment fasting,” not “restrict and binge.” 🙃
/u/Jiggly_Poop
Created: Fri Apr 6 19:50:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aex8w/they_call_it_interment_fasting_not_restrict_and/
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https://i.redd.it/fpd1qq086eq01.jpg
[Other] From r/intermentfasting. “Interment fasting,” not “restrict and binge.” 🙃
/u/Jiggly_Poop
Created: Fri Apr 6 19:48:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aewvp/from_rintermentfasting_interment_fasting_not/
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https://i.redd.it/5hwwbedw5eq01.jpg
IF vs OMAD
/u/CoopTheDog [5'4" | 104 | 18.2 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 19:20:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aer5r/if_vs_omad/
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[removed]
[Discussion] Anyone else fluctuate between forcing themselves to stop eating and forcing themselves to eat at all?
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 108 | gw: 100| 23f]
Created: Fri Apr 6 18:57:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aem54/anyone_else_fluctuate_between_forcing_themselves/
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If I start eating, I eat everything in my fridge. But sometimes I have no appetite and just lay in my bed for like 10 hours straight thinking "alright haha you really should eat soon or you might die"
[Discussion] How many calories does fidgeting actually burn?
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: 136 | GW: 111 | -28 lbs]
Created: Fri Apr 6 18:46:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aejuq/how_many_calories_does_fidgeting_actually_burn/
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like say, vigorously shaking a leg for an hour?
[Goal] Accountability post- ending a week long binge
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Fri Apr 6 18:30:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aegik/accountability_post_ending_a_week_long_binge/
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[removed]
[Help] Is it normal for my mouth to be numb after taking a lax?
/u/ScottieBFerguson
Created: Fri Apr 6 18:23:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aef61/is_it_normal_for_my_mouth_to_be_numb_after_taking/
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Took laxatives for the first time (not trying to purge just trying to get rid of terrible stomach pain I’ve had for the last few days). They are 25mg Walmart brand overnight stimulant laxatives. About 30 minutes after taking them my tongue started going numb and it’s spreading to my whole mouth. I couldn’t find anything online about it, has anyone experienced this?
[Help] New electric scale weighs me in 5/6 pounds more than old one. Help.
/u/dizquar [H: 173cm | CW: 58.5kg | BMI: 19.5 | ♀]
Created: Fri Apr 6 18:21:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aeekm/new_electric_scale_weighs_me_in_56_pounds_more/
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I’m crying so hard right now, wtf do I do?? Is this normal???
My ED is the Only Thing I Have Any Control Over
/u/Flesh_Daddy_
Created: Fri Apr 6 18:15:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aedad/my_ed_is_the_only_thing_i_have_any_control_over/
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My mother was a narcissistic, awful person who mistreated me constantly. She was abusive both physically and emotionally and encouraged my ED because she, herself, very much had an ED.
Now I've left her and moved in with my fiancé and his family who are wonderful for the most part. However, my fiancé constantly critiques me. Everything I do is the wrong way to do it and I should be working harder. His father will talk down to his mother and just treat her like a total idiot and a child. My fiancé does the same thing but in a more covert I'm-trying-to-help-you-better-yourself type of way. When I call him out, he's very much inclined to gaslight me which is easy to do because I always feel crazy anyway.
I will offer to help with something and it's always him and his dad scoffing at me or laughing and pretty much telling me I'm incapable. Like I'm too weak or stupid.
Now I am, by all accounts, ditzy and clumsy. But that does not mean I am an idiot or incapable of things. It takes me a second to process things but I'm good a figuring things out for myself and when I'm not pressured by others, I do just fine with any direction I'm given. But when I spill because I accidentally knocked a cup over reaching for salt, or I trip over a piece of carpet because I wasn't paying attention, it's always met with groans like I'm a stupid child who is incapable of simple things like walking.
No room for mistakes. If I bring this up, I'm told I'm being a crybaby by his dad. Or I'm told "well you kinda are really clumsy" in such a matter-of-fact manner by fiancé. Even the other day, I was having a rough day and I never let my fiancé see me cry because he also calls me a cry baby. I went in the bathroom real quick to get myself together because I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown and I came back, well aware he knew I was crying, and he just sighed like it was an inconvenience to him that I was feeling emotional (also I cry MAYBE once every few months mainly due to bad PMS so I'm not by any means a constant crier).
I just honestly realized, no wonder I have no fucking confidence. No wonder I have to look to someone to make sure I'm doing something right even if I *know* I'm doing it right. I am so unsure of myself all the time. But there is one thing I know pretty well and it's my ED. No one can tell me how to hurt myself and be self destructive as fuck, I'm the expert there. Also people don't know I have an ED, not even fiancé is fully aware. So it is the only time I feel like I'm in control and nobody but me gets to critique me.
There's a fine line between constructive criticism and just constant criticism. It stops being constructive and starts being destructive. I have stopped growing as a person because I'm so afraid of failure and being bashed and treated more like a child.
They also love to bring up other times I've fucked up a simple task. "Oh remember last time? You're not allowed near that thing" but they forget to mention that they hovered over me the last time and made me so self conscious instead of just letting me do the thing that I can't even remember how to use a microwave anymore.
Sorry for the really long rant. Again, you're seriously the only group who gets this and you guys are so supportive. Thank you.
TL;DR: ED is the only time I'm not being criticized by anyone but me. My confidence is out the window because of my fiancé and his family treating me like an idiot child.
Anyway, hope y'all are having a good day.
[Discussion] I love how honest they are in this video
/u/DisguisedAsMe [5'3" | 115 lbs | BMI: 20.93| -13.7 | 21F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 18:03:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aealq/i_love_how_honest_they_are_in_this_video/
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https://youtu.be/B3x5tef8wv4
[Discussion] Do we all have mommy issues?
/u/clobbertimooo
Created: Fri Apr 6 17:56:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ae93b/do_we_all_have_mommy_issues/
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TLDR; my mom fucks me up mentally with blatantly neurotic and inappropriate comments, what did your mom say to you that probably contributed to an ED and body issues?
I feel like a lot of people I see post have toxic relationships with mothers who openly dieted and valued appearance/weight and encouraged dieting from a young age. My mom definitely did. I remember being about 8-9 and my friend and I were making Sundaes. I was a little chubby, definitely not a fat kid but average weight for a growing girl. My best friend was stick thin. Anyways I make a bigger portion and my mom comments about it saying something along the lines of "that's why you weigh more than ____". Another instance that stands out to me is freshman year of highschool I lost a lot of weight after going vegan and my mom was driving me and some friends to school one day. I skipped breakfast that morning because I was short on time and she says "I know you want to lose weight and all but starving yourself only makes you gain it back later" then goes on to talk about how she's going to get a trainer and ACTUALLY TALKS ABOUT HOW SHES GOING TO BE SKINNIER THAN ME ONCE SHE GETS IN SHAPE. I absolutely NEVER talked about dieting with her, not once in my life. It's not like I encouraged her to say things like this. And she talks about this IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS. I remember just being shocked and not saying anything then laughing about it later with friends but that was the first time I started to think about all the things my mom said that we're mentally abusive that I had never thought of as abusive before. She's always on a diet and I remember a phase where she was taking Vyvanse for her "ADD" and made a huge deal about skipping meals so her boyfriend would give her attention for it.
I have dozens of stories about her trying to hurt or manipulate me, including her telling me my boyfriend at the time had AIDs and raped little kids which, obviously, turned out to be complete bullshit. She also accused me of having violent sex with a friend's dad and made me take of my clothes so she could look for bruises. That incident left me disgusted and anxious for a long time after. I honestly don't know how I'm not more fucked up than I am.
[Help] My tolerance to stimulants is incredibly high because of years on Adderall. Will this change what does I should use when EC stacking?
/u/mkf0
Created: Fri Apr 6 17:35:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ae4c4/my_tolerance_to_stimulants_is_incredibly_high/
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I know everyone says not to mix Adderall and EC stacking together, I don't take my meds every day so I plan on EC stacking on the off days. I take 60 mg IR a day, so I'm just curious if anyone else here who has a high tolerance for stims had to start out at a higher dose when EC stacking. I don't want to start out too high but I also don't want to waste days worth of meds while trying to figure out my threshold
[Help] Keep overeating and unable to restrict
/u/Wtfisthis938
Created: Fri Apr 6 17:29:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ae34l/keep_overeating_and_unable_to_restrict/
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I'm haven't really been binging, but I've definitely been eating above maintenance. I haven't been able to restrict properly and it's like I don't even care about getting to my gw. My brain is on autopilot and it's driving me nuts. How can I get back the restriction wagon. I need to lose at least 15 lbs before June.
[Discussion] Movies!
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 157 | BMI: 26.1 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Fri Apr 6 17:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8adzx3/movies/
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what are y'alls favourite movies about eating disorders? mine is to the bone. it can be any kind of movie! documentary, short film, etc. that has to do with an ED!
[Help] DAE mouth hurt after they’ve restricted for a long time?
/u/Greeneloaf
Created: Fri Apr 6 16:24:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8adnx3/dae_mouth_hurt_after_theyve_restricted_for_a_long/
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I’ve been restricting again for about a month and if I fast for like even just a day, when I try to eat something it hurts the roof of my mouth and underneath my tongue. It’s like excruciatingly painful for like 10 minutes, then it’s gone. Has anyone had this happen to them/know what it is?
[Rant/Rave] Please help me i am so deluded
/u/eighttorches
Created: Fri Apr 6 16:18:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8admcc/please_help_me_i_am_so_deluded/
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DAE believe that they're not sick at all and it's all a choice in your head because you eat sometimes and people watch you eat and you're not even skinny and you're just on a stupid diet so you throw up and calorie count and excersise in private? But its all a game right? You're not sick you don't need help. It's all so draining i want to reach out and talk to my friends and family but nobody's going to believe me because there's so much stigma against EDs and I'm not sick enough. When is enough enough?
[Rant/Rave] Spent the last two hours crying because I can't decide what to have for dinner.
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | GW: 120 | CW : 134 | UGW: 110 | 20F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 16:04:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8adiuz/spent_the_last_two_hours_crying_because_i_cant/
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I am in med school! I have an exam next week I haven't even started studying for and I'm already in danger of failing more classes this semester.
But you know what I've spent the past two hours doing? Crying my eyes out, searching through every food delivery website in my city trying to decide what to have for dinner. I don't deserve to eat, I'm so fucking obese and disgusting. I don't deserve to use my dad's money to buy food. But my social anxiety is so fucking bad that I can't leave the house. And I'm so hungry! Why do I let my hunger control me? I just fell to the floor in an anxiety attack and I couldn't breathe because I can't decide what to have for dinner.
What is wrong with me?!?!
Update : Now I burned the grilled cheese I decided to allow myself to have. I hate being alive so much. I just want to eat like a normal person.
[Rant/Rave] ✨I'm kinda loosing my shit✨
/u/handzies
Created: Fri Apr 6 15:42:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8add45/im_kinda_loosing_my_shit/
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Because I just took 4 laxatives.
Hah
I take my ED just about as seriously as I take everything else, not seriously. Its gotten to the point where I can speak openly about my ED and people laugh. I just have that way about me I supposed, it leads to people saying some danmaging things "a cookie?! Bitch I've had 200 calories today, I'm not letting that ruin in" "haha your right, although your hips tell me that not true"
Shit like that.
Anyway, another dangerous part of my life I havent taken seriously is the abusive relationship I'm in! Till today some action on his part really smacked me into not being able to laugh off his actions/words. I just kinda sat there and had a little "oh no my life is a shame"
Then I realized I disnt have any friends cause I never go where food is "oh no"
Then I realized my ED was my hobby "oh no"
Then I realized I wasnt very pretty or dressing well or even wearing makeup. "oh no"
My self hate is coming to a boil and I can do nothing but make jokes about it and get drunk in my back yard while my room mates I never talk to give we worried looks.
Yikes! What a relapse this is turning out to be.
Side note: how do girls in porn stay so dang slim? Can I get a porn star diet going?
Side side note: fuck i am sorry if you read this, I'm a mess
[Goal] isabellamanderson on instagram...literally the only thinspo i need
/u/Greeneloaf
Created: Fri Apr 6 15:34:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8adaxu/isabellamanderson_on_instagramliterally_the_only/
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https://i.redd.it/e2kfv103xcq01.jpg
[Discussion] Chugging water can cause more harm than good?
/u/xxnevi [5'2 | CW: 143 | BMI: 27.1 | GW: 120 | -30 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 15:26:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ad908/chugging_water_can_cause_more_harm_than_good/
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Yesterday I knew I was on the path to dehydration. It was a busy day so I just made it a point to periodically chug like 1/3-1/2 bottle of water every so often to attempt to avoid it.
Guess I've been relying on my multivitamin way too much to make up for anything lost due to purging or restricting. Apparently that was bad.
Well like a dumb ass I succumbed to taco bell with the boyfriend, which led to a purge (surprise, surprise) which I'm sure has led me to the point I'm at now.
And I was googling and apparently chugging water can cause all the water going in to essentially go straight out if you are dehydrated but just chugging loads of water too often.
Who can explain this further cause it kinda went over my head?
Apparently you're supposed to shoot for 27-33oz/hour to be efficient.
But like I said it kinda went over my head.
I'm sipping my water now but still getting a good amount in.
I really don't want to end up in the ER over something like dehydration.
Any tips you guys have would be appreciated.
I'm not enthused with having to take in any more calories than absolutely necessary but I mean, I will to avoid a hospital stay.
[Rant/Rave] I was well on the way to a binge this evening...
/u/Like-Smoke [5'7"| CW: 156|GW: 125 | -38lbs| F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 14:48:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8acyl7/i_was_well_on_the_way_to_a_binge_this_evening/
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I had it planned out and everything, I was going to make tacos with guac and white rice and beans and eat doritos all evening. I haven't lost anything this week in spite of eating between 800-1200 calories and thought 'fuck it'.
....then tescos rang and said my groceries delivery had been cancelled. A blessing in disguise? Don't know if I'm relieved or pissed off. Surrendering to a binge is horrible but cathartic at the same time and while I'm happy I haven't started another binge-purge cycle, I'm annoyed I can't just eat until I sleep. Fuck this ED.
[Rant/Rave] My cat is meowing at me, begging to be fed, and it's making me break down.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 6 14:48:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8acykx/my_cat_is_meowing_at_me_begging_to_be_fed_and_its/
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[deleted]
[Goal] thinspo, lesbpo // photoshop or not i need that tummy
/u/jennifers-body
Created: Fri Apr 6 14:35:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8acv9z/thinspo_lesbpo_photoshop_or_not_i_need_that_tummy/
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https://i.redd.it/khwc5x7qmcq01.jpg
3 weeks of binging. Have I gone beyond hope?
/u/PizzaInMyUrethra [5'5" | CW: INSANE | GW1: 150 | 24F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 14:14:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8acpgt/3_weeks_of_binging_have_i_gone_beyond_hope/
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I’ve spent nearly three weeks eating and sleeping and eating, trying to recover after taking an overdose.
I am ROUND. My baggy clothes are tighter, I look like I have an inner tube on under my skin.
Just when I was just about to accept being alive, this happens. Really tempted to just try and end it all over again.
[Rant/Rave] I feel like as an adult you almost HAVE to be a little eating disordered to not get overweight
/u/Jemjon [5'7" | CW: 110 | BMI: 17.2 | GW: 108? | F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 14:03:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8acmck/i_feel_like_as_an_adult_you_almost_have_to_be_a/
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Im in recovery right now though I kind of suck at committing to it. Cuz damn I can very obviously see that all of my female coworkers are overweight, and the only one who is not ive heard talking about her whole 30 diet. I feel like its either count calories/purposely eat small amounts or slowly get fatter and fatter as I get older. Im watching it happen to other people so its not like anyone can tell me its not true.
Also, im always so peeved at people who are very low BMI and swear they don't diet and are just naturally skinny and still eat a ton. A friend of a friend is like BMI 16 and everyone swears she eats a ton. I mean she HAS to be purging or else its scientifically impossible right? Im just hating cuz im jealous!
also WHY am i so jealous. Its not like anything in my life was better when i was underweight. It was just easiser to ignore the bad things I guess by focusing on losing weight..
[Rant/Rave] Why does this always happen to me
/u/rosecoloredidiot
Created: Fri Apr 6 13:43:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8acgye/why_does_this_always_happen_to_me/
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Hi, I'm just here to rant I guess. I feel like I have no one to talk to without sounding like a whining idiot and making things all about myself, so I guess the level of anonymity helps maybe.
I've had ED issues for 7-8 years. Off and on, sometimes I'm better and sometimes I'm not. The self hatred and body issues have stayed disgustingly consistent the entire time, though.
I had been doing okay. I wasn't eating insanely healthy or anything, but a healthy amount of calories and having mostly normal eating behaviors. But as soon as *anything* goes wrong, my stupid fragile mental health crashes everything down.
My grandma was diagnosed with cancer for the fourth time in October 2017. She was doing okay, wasn't able to do chemo due to dementia, she didn't get surgery removed for the same reason.
Anyways, in March everything started getting really bad. As she started doing worse (being moved into hospice, not eating, not talking much, etc) my mental health started to crash yet again and my ED behaviors came back full force.
She died on March 21st. Since a week before then up until now, I can't stop restricting. I go full days at work without eating a single thing and having a coffee. I look in the mirror and I hate myself. I feel guilty for not being there in her final moments. Deep down I know it isn't my fault and wasn't a financially viable option, but I feel like fucking garbage.
I'm planning to visit my family and friends in the summer, and I know I should be happy, but all I feel is disgusting. The guilt and self hatred won't go away. Why do I deserve to be happy? Why do I deserve to eat? The least I can do before seeing everybody is not be fat and gross (thanks brain, these things aren't even RELATED to issues at hand).
No matter how hard I try, I end up being back on my bullshit. Tomorrow is my grandma's funeral, all I've been thinking of is restricting and crying all day.
This is so exhausting.
Anyways, sorry for such a mostly unrelated and mostly dumb rant. I just feel like I can't talk to anyone.
Y'all, look.
/u/Avadakaboom [5'8.5" | 135lbs | 19.94 | -95 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 13:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8acfts/yall_look/
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The nerds Easter candy rope is only 90 calories for the whole thing and I'm so overwhelmed right now I can't hardly function. They were 50% off at Walgreens too.
[Help] Nauseous after Green Tea
/u/elite-alien
Created: Fri Apr 6 13:35:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8acew1/nauseous_after_green_tea/
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Okay, first off I drink Green tea all the time because it makes me nauseous and feels safe, same with smoking. I think it's pretty common here. BUT FOR SOME REASON when I'm drinking tea / smoking and I start to feel a little sick when I'm not somewhere I feel 100% comfortable I start to binge eat to counteract the nasuea. Then of course I binge for the rest of the day. I just want to know if anyone else has this problem so I don't feel like a complete weirdo.
Also does anyone else with a binge eating problem feel like they can go until late in the evening without feeling hungry but the second they have dinner THEYRE RAVENOUS and eat everything?
[Help] Fasting + Supplements?
/u/deadlylikesugar
Created: Fri Apr 6 13:02:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ac5k9/fasting_supplements/
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I have wanted to start doing periodic fasts for a while now, but have certain vitamins and medication that I need to take with food, otherwise they make me horribly nauseated. I even get nauseas taking them if I’ve eaten too little beforehand, so I don’t even want to imagine how shitty I’d feel taking them on an empty stomach. Lol
What do you guys do when you fast? Do you just forgo the supplements altogether? Is there something I can take alongside them to counteract the nausea? There has to be a way around this, right?
Pls halp 😞
[Rant/Rave] I don't like my breasts
/u/ci-fre [5' | 71 lb | ~14.6 | F | gaining/semi-recovery]
Created: Fri Apr 6 12:57:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ac4d9/i_dont_like_my_breasts/
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So umm... here goes.
I don't like my breasts and I wish I had a super super flat chest. I even got a binder once (but I don't even wear it regularly heh). I just want to be really small everywhere and I don't like the appearance of breasts on me; they look so excessive. I don't think it's necessarily a *gender dysphoria* problem per se... I only ever thought about it in the context of being skinny.
I'm probably not making any sense but I was wondering if anyone could relate to this.
[Tip] i was blind
/u/robotwithadream [5'7" | CW: 129.2 | GW: 110 | xx | F |]
Created: Fri Apr 6 12:02:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8abov7/i_was_blind/
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to the magic of 100% casein protein powder! It even says right on the canister, it's "acid-sensitive and thicken[s] in the stomach". i had 14g of gold standard vanilla 2 hours ago for 50 calories and i'm still pretty satiated. it's great mixed with almond milk and explicitly designed to keep you full. anyone else tried this?
[Discussion] instagram thread?
/u/acosed [18nb | 5'5" | CW 49.3 | BMI 18.1 | GW 47 | UGW 45]
Created: Fri Apr 6 12:02:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8abopa/instagram_thread/
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anyone have an ed/eating related insta? drop your un below and ill follow!♡
[Help] Fatigued
/u/YaBoiTKilla
Created: Fri Apr 6 11:31:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8abfqh/fatigued/
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Currently in the middle of recovery. I eat ~3200 calories a day but still feel extremely hungry and tired on this amount. Does anyone know the cause for this?
[Intro] New Here!
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 157 | BMI: 26.1 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Fri Apr 6 11:26:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8abebl/new_here/
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hi! my name is effy, i'm a 20 year old enby, and i've been diagnosed with anorexia since i was 14 years old. my lowest weight is 110lbs and my highest weight is 160. i kind of fell off the wagon a couple months ago, and started taking new meds that made me gain a lot of weight. i don't want to blame the meds, because ultimately it's my fault for gaining, but the meds i take do have weight gain as a side effect. i've been lurking here for a really long time, and i think i've posted once or twice and then deleted my posts because i was nervous about them, lol. so i just wanted to properly introduce myself! i hope i make friends here, it's nice to have people to connect with. hopefully i become more active in this sub and it becomes part of my social life. thanks everyone for being so inviting. <3
[Rant/Rave] On the topic of /r/1200isplenty
/u/couldbefatter [5'2" | 109]
Created: Fri Apr 6 11:18:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8abc1o/on_the_topic_of_r1200isplenty/
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[removed]
[Help] past diagnosis
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 157 | BMI: 26.1 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Fri Apr 6 11:13:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8abahk/past_diagnosis/
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i was diagnosed with anorexia when i was at a much lower weight and sometimes i wonder if i still have anorexia now that i've gained so much or if it's transferred to ednos or something. it makes me feel really invalidated cause i feel like i must be the biggest anorexic on the planet. does anyone else deal with these kinds of thoughts/feelings? can my anorexia "go away"? not asking for a diagnosis or anything, just wondering if my diagnosis could've changed.
[Discussion] [Discussion] Eugenia Cooney and other internet celebs
/u/CripplingSerotonin [5'6.5" | CW: 132lbs | UGW: 95 | -10 | 22F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 11:04:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ab81h/discussion_eugenia_cooney_and_other_internet/
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A few people have already made posts commenting on Eugenia Cooney, I only just recently discovered her and I was a little surprised at how mad people seem to be at her.
Similar to Eugenia, Meredith Foster also seems to have developed an eating disorder (looking at past photos she used to have more weight) and even models with hundreds of thousands of followers on Instagram are underweight but no one is mad at them.
Meredith promotes her lifestyle as healthy living whereas Eugenia just straight up says she doesn't eat and that she doesn't "promote" her eating habits or weight. Neither of these girls have admitted to having an eating disorder. Maybe they are afraid they will lose followers if they did?
[This youtube video claims Eugenia is selling her eating disorder.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ihc84oP3O-g&t=958s) I have mixed feelings on this because on the one hand, yes, she is selling her body in a way with all the clothing and makeup videos but on the other hand, she is *so* skinny that maybe she knows she is close to death. Maybe she's just trying to enjoy her life before her ED swallows her up.
I don't know but I don't think people should be so hard on her. What do you think of Eugenia? Is she in the wrong? What about Meredith Foster and others like her?
[Rant/Rave] I feel like a monster
/u/shadowmachines [Attempting Recovery 🌱]
Created: Fri Apr 6 10:57:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ab5w2/i_feel_like_a_monster/
---
I hate that all the intuitive eating books I've heard about condone a period of non-restriction. The idea is that if you let yourself go nuts, then after a while you will burn yourself out and not want to eat a ton of garbage anymore. Well I MUST BE A MONSTER BECAUSE NOTHING WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH.
No matter how many consecutive days I have a distended painful overfilled stomach, I will never get tired of it. I will never bore of the self-loathing and the anger and violence I feel toward my brain and my body for doing this to myself. After a day of binging, I lay in bed sleepless with stomach pain and waves of nausea. I am miserable, and I like it, because I'm fucking garbage and this is what I deserve.
I feel like I am an abyss. I have a destructive force inside of me that wants to ruin everything good. I spend most of my daily energy trying to convince myself and everyone else that I'm a sort of normal okay person, but really I'm just a gaping black hole dressed in a human suit.
Fuck.
[Help] Shittiest low calorie recipe you’ve ever seen?
/u/i-want-to-be-little [5’2” | LW: 109.5 | CW: 119.4 | 18F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 10:54:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ab59t/shittiest_low_calorie_recipe_youve_ever_seen/
---
What are the worst low calorie recipes that you’ve tried (or just heard of)? I’m making a video for a class project where I’m going to compare a recipe to its low calorie substitute counterpart in terms of food chemistry and I need ideas for what recipe to use. I just really want to find the shittiest recipe out there and roast the hell out of it for this project.
[Discussion] DAE who has OCD notice how very similar ED compulsions are to OCD ones??
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 6 10:41:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8ab1fa/dae_who_has_ocd_notice_how_very_similar_ed/
---
[deleted]
[Help] How do I decrease muscle mass?
/u/Throwaway412160987
Created: Fri Apr 6 10:16:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aau6n/how_do_i_decrease_muscle_mass/
---
So I got into lifting 2 months ago (I stopped), and I’d lift with my legs. I would do many reps and lift heavy. I thought it would be a great way for my body to use up extra calories because of a binge. But now, I realized I hate how bulky they look. I feel like i have centaur legs or some shit. Right now I run 2 miles, and I eat 700 calories. All help is appreciated.
[Discussion] has anyone ever tried eating like this?
/u/interstellartortise
Created: Fri Apr 6 10:06:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aaqv2/has_anyone_ever_tried_eating_like_this/
---
[removed]
[Help] Has anyone ever tried an eating regime like this?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Apr 6 10:05:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aaqgh/has_anyone_ever_tried_an_eating_regime_like_this/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aaqgh/has_anyone_ever_tried_an_eating_regime_like_this/
[Other] Paranoid I might be going through a straight phase?
/u/elizasbreath [162cm| CW 46kg | GW: 40kg | -17.5kg I 18F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 10:03:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aapxa/paranoid_i_might_be_going_through_a_straight_phase/
---
OK, I know this isn't ED related but I wasn't sure where else to post this.
Backstory: I was pretty sure I was a lesbian considering I was in a very gay relationship for about 3 years and only felt sexual attraction to women. Then, my partner at the time began transitioning to male and I just kind of went ??? - I knew I loved them and I wanted to support them and I wasn't really sure how I was supposed to react, so I just decided to start identifying as bi even though nothing had really changed. Then we broke up, shit happened, and now I am in what is a very stable and happy relationship with a guy. But I find myself constantly questioning my sexuality because on the one hand, I am definitely sexually attracted to him - on the other hand, I still cannot stand porn with any d. At all. I also still don't find most, if any, guys attractive in that manner beyond aesthetically pleasing.
I know I'm probably just getting way too into my own head, because I know what I feel for him isn't platonic in the slightest but this fear has kind of welled up inside of me. What if this is my straight phase? What if I'm actually a lesbian but I only recognise it in like 50 years?
[Other] DAE get so fucking angry at their body sometimes?
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 98 | 16.3 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 09:46:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aakkr/dae_get_so_fucking_angry_at_their_body_sometimes/
---
It feels stupid just typing this out, but sometimes I just get so mad at my body.
Why am I feeling dizzy and almost blacking out from hunger when my body has all this fat to consume? Why does it keep asking for food when I can clearly see it doesn't need it?
Sometimes I'm so petty too. Like I'll be lying awake sleepless at 5am because I'm too hungry to sleep and I'm like "So you don't want to sleep, fine with me, but you are not getting any food even if it means not sleeping AT ALL".
I don't want to give in to my body. I feel like my mind and my body are two separate entities, and they are constantly fighting each other. It's kind of sad how much I hate my body and how I refuse to nourish it and fulfill its needs. Anyone else feel like this sometimes?
[Help] Has Anyone ever tried an eating plan like this?
/u/interstellartortise
Created: Fri Apr 6 09:43:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aajlj/has_anyone_ever_tried_an_eating_plan_like_this/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] a Rant
/u/zjxq
Created: Fri Apr 6 09:42:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aajiv/a_rant/
---
hello Long Time Lurker / Creator of Throwaway Accounts that i delete because i like to pretend that if i ignore it my ed doesn't exist.
just complaining because i can't really talk about it irl but i am trying to get better ish from binging/purging/using laxatives/etc. i'm at a healthy weight but would like to you know have a bmi of 18.5 not 20.3, but that's neither here nor there.
anyways i am trying to Structured Eating like an incredibly reasonable and healthy 1500 calories a day which puts me in like the 300-500 calorie deficit range which normally goes, moderately well 5 days a week. but the issue is not really the 2 days i b/p but the fact that every day the only thing i look forward to is eating? like, the highlight of my day is eating. i just kill time between meal times? what a shitty way to live. i miss enjoying things.
it's sort of funny because i am a college student and the people i live with are always like, wow you sleep so much that's so Healthy! but really i'm sleeping 10+ hours a day some days just to kill time so i don't binge. anyways life sucks i wish i didn't have the overwhelming desire to eat all the time i hope this post is somewhat coherent.
[Help] Best place to buy ephedrine (or similar diet pills) in the UK currently?
/u/hemera-ilios
Created: Fri Apr 6 09:40:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aaip9/best_place_to_buy_ephedrine_or_similar_diet_pills/
---
[removed]
[Other] Flaps of skin?
/u/throneofweigh
Created: Fri Apr 6 09:35:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8aahmj/flaps_of_skin/
---
I'm fairly new to reddit so I'm not sure how to get the height/weight that people put next to their names.
Anyways, I'm not new to eating disorders but I am new to rapidly losing weight while being fat. Before I generally just fluctuated between skeleton form and slightl less skeleton form, but that was when I was 10-13 and my skin was supposed to adjust to a fluctuating weight. Now I'm almost 18 and after a long stretch of recovery I can feel myself regressing. Does anyone know how to stop skin flaps from forming? Am I still young enough to adapt to a rapidly changing weight?
[Rant/Rave] I still need some sanity
/u/eighttorches
Created: Fri Apr 6 08:30:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a9ygv/i_still_need_some_sanity/
---
Even if you were short, sedentary, and had a very slow metabolism is it possible to gain weight on 1000 calories a day? Im 5'2 if that helps
[Discussion] Naltrexone update (3 weeks later)
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 08:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a9xu6/naltrexone_update_3_weeks_later/
---
It’s been about a month since I began naltrexone. If you’re curious about the drug you can find my previous post in my post history, but in short: naltrexone is a drug used to treat opioid and alcohol addiction. It’s found that it also can treat BED and other things like chronic pain, obsession disorders, etc...
Changes: I can’t say for sure my appetite is GONE but it sure isn’t as present in my mind. I do binge and purge still, but it definitely isn’t as pressing. I can go without bingeing and I can go without purging much easier than before.
At first I couldn’t take my full dosage without getting sick, but now i’ve worked myself up to my prescribed 25mg in the last few days. I can say the drug is way more effective than before, so I may even do second update in case things work better.
Food is food is food. It’s nothing else. I will reach for food as a means to comfort myself, but I don’t get any satisfaction besides ending my hunger or getting a little bit of a sweet tooth craving out of the way. I could totally eat normal with this medication. The voice in my head which urges me to finish my food and then puke isn’t as loud. Sometimes I’ll still do do the disordered behaviors, but I think that’s because I’m not committed to healing fully.
I will say as a disclaimer that I have started using smart drugs as a way to cope with school, and a lot of the time those drugs curb hunger too. Nonetheless, once the effect is gone and the drug is out of my system I still don’t have as much as an urge to binge.
Overall: yes, naltrexone is doing what I needed it to do. Is it a miracle drug? No. I’m sorry but this definitely isn’t making my life any easier as I once hoped. I still need to work on my own shit and if I don’t take care of myself I do feel myself deteriorating all the same as before. Naltrexone does not end my eating disorder, it doesn’t make me more happy, but it definitely saves me from my food obsession more than wellbutrin alone ever could.
Is it just me?
/u/runawaythrowaway47
Created: Fri Apr 6 08:01:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a9qdz/is_it_just_me/
---
Whenever I go over my not so set cal limit for the day I kind of panic. It can be like 300 cals and I could panic. Like yesterday, I had 500 cals exactly and then I was on my bed just chilling and I wasn't even hungry I was just like "should I do it?" and I asked my group chat and they said yes so I did it. I was like dying inside after I went back to my room and it wasn't even a bad number! Anybody else?
[Discussion] April 5th and 6th Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 07:51:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a9nvj/april_5th_and_6th_question_of_the_day/
---
5th: What was inspiring today?
6th: What was the last take-out meal you ordered?
[Other] Lying to my Psychologist
/u/bokoblin-buddy
Created: Fri Apr 6 07:12:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a9do1/lying_to_my_psychologist/
---
So lately I have been confiding in my psychologist about my relapse. I was purging everything I was eating. Yesterday she told me she is seriously considering hospitalizing me. She wants me to write down everything I eat and everything I purge. I just started keeping food down yesterday and can't stand the idea of keeping more than 300-400 calories down in a day.
So I think I'm going to lie. I don't want to get better. I was pushed into doing eating disorder therapy in the first place. I just want her to leave me alone about it.
[Discussion] If you eat the same number of calories, does intermittent fasting make you lose more quickly than eating throughout the day?
/u/_what_the_truck [Height 5'4 | CW 117 | LW: 103 | GW: 110 | Gender F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 07:10:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a9dc2/if_you_eat_the_same_number_of_calories_does/
---
I believe in CICO, but I know it's not a perfect formula. I also know that when you're in a fasted state your body is burning fat for fuel. Can intermittent fasting make you lose more weight while eating the same number of calories?
[Help] Worried about S.O's BDD flare ups
/u/QandthenA
Created: Fri Apr 6 07:05:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a9bx5/worried_about_sos_bdd_flare_ups/
---
Good morning community!
I don't know if this is the right place, but I'm really hoping to get some help. My girlfriend and I are very communicative and supportive to one another so I know when her BDD is flaring up and she isnt thinking great thoughts about herself. And that kills me, her not being happy stinks. Today she said that she's seriously ok and seriously happy, but I know she's still be affected and it's been a few days like this. She just doesn't have the 'pep' she normally does.
She says that talking about it is the worst thing to do because then she thinks of it.
So what Im really asking is if there is absolutely ANYTHING I could do or say to help her?? Even if it's just sending her pics from cute subs. Anything!!
Is there anything that your S.O does that really aggravates you, or makes you feel better??
Thanks in advance, people are cool
[Rant/Rave] Feeling alone & scared.
/u/ConstantIt
Created: Fri Apr 6 07:03:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a9bg3/feeling_alone_scared/
---
I just never want to eat again. I have been purging for these past few days continuously and I've done twice today. My "binge" is a subjective binge and not the typical definition of binge (thank god) and I felt disgusted.
Everything was going good a week ago and I have been eating well, but not anymore.
I just feel like crying and I'm so trapped with this bullshit, but then again.. it's one of the things that makes me happy and makes me "me". I also feel like people will like be better and wouldn't want me to gain weight.
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! April 06, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Apr 6 06:12:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a8zql/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_april/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for April 06, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 06, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Apr 6 06:12:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a8zph/daily_food_diary_april_06_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 06, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Food Rituals
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 05:24:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a8po7/food_rituals/
---
Lately I've been buying a small loaf of white bread maybe once a week, eating just the edges of each slice, and throwing the rest away. It's so wasteful but I can't stop. I log it all as two slices, so I have no idea why I can't be normal and just eat two whole slices instead.
What food rituals do you all suffer through?
Edit : (Discussion) as flair
[Tip] Top Diets: The Best Dieting Tips Ever - Your Diet Tips
/u/crissjohns
Created: Fri Apr 6 03:15:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a82sp/top_diets_the_best_dieting_tips_ever_your_diet/
---
http://get-sexybody.com/top-diets-the-best-dieting-tips-ever
[Discussion] I need a reality check
/u/eighttorches
Created: Fri Apr 6 02:38:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a7wyd/i_need_a_reality_check/
---
How fast would eating >200 cals a day fuck up your health?
[Rant/Rave] In case you like Kat Dennings:
/u/yungbrrrat [5'8 | 140lb | BMI: 21 ]
Created: Fri Apr 6 01:58:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a7qu8/in_case_you_like_kat_dennings/
---
https://i.redd.it/jh2ptot556q01.jpg
[Discussion] Being underweight and applying for jobs.
/u/scrlett
Created: Fri Apr 6 01:19:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a7kq2/being_underweight_and_applying_for_jobs/
---
Hi everyone, so just wallowing after a rejection from a crappy part-time job and was interested in some opinions.
I'm at University but left my last waitressing job because of location issues thinking I could find something pretty quickly but I'm REALLY struggling and started wondering if my weight could be contributing in some small way.
I never thought it'd have any impact but I'm currently around a BMI 14.8 - 15 and after getting rejected after an interview (with 2 women) I'm wondering if it might?
Like I think I'm still at a weight where I can hide the ED, but maybe I'm kinda repelling potential employers?
Also feel free to share your job-search blues lol I could use it :(
[Discussion] EC stacking
/u/sknyrnr
Created: Fri Apr 6 00:46:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a7eui/ec_stacking/
---
Hi pals
Question for those who EC stack. Does it affect your cognitive functioning? Specifically wondering about people’s experiences with studying and test taking while EC stacking.
Thx guys
[Help] Help pls
/u/yungbrrrat [5'8 | 140lb | BMI: 21 ]
Created: Fri Apr 6 00:45:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a7er2/help_pls/
---
Okay so I'm 5'8 and 134.5lbs. I'm extremely active and my TDEE is 2200kcal.
I've been losing weight at a rate of like 0.8lbs a day for 12 days now.
Two days ago I ate 600 calories, I woke up the next day at 134.5.
Yesterday I ate 500 calories and did a shit ton of exercise for 6 hours. And I drunk tons of water.
I woke up today at exactly the same weight after peeing and everything.
Wtf? I should have lost at least 0.02lbs. What could be the reason behind this??
[Help] Increasing cals for school...?
/u/steamedbun_27 [165cm | CW: 66.1kg / GW: 50kg | idk | -27kg | F]
Created: Fri Apr 6 00:02:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a774t/increasing_cals_for_school/
---
Hi guys, so basically earlier today I received a call from the university that I applied to. They informed me that I had been shortlisted for an interview, and on god I was really happy. I'm currently restricting to about 400-600 a day and I'm contemplating increasing it for the next week or so because I have an interview that involves a handwritten test and a face to face interview. I'm thinking around 800-1000, is that a good number?
[Help] Sorry for stupid question but calories in each leaf of romaine?
/u/carlisam9797 [5'2" 19F | CW 119 | SW 130 | GW 105 | UGW 99]
Created: Thu Apr 5 23:51:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a750g/sorry_for_stupid_question_but_calories_in_each/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] Who else throws away copious amounts of food?
/u/Morning-Dieu
Created: Thu Apr 5 23:43:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a73eb/who_else_throws_away_copious_amounts_of_food/
---
I don't even bother cooking it anymore, I just throw out the ingredients. Sometimes I stuff it in the garbage disposal, other times I hide it in a container in the closet, and lately I've been flushing bits and pieces down the toilet.
Lately it's been bad, though. I want to lose 20 pounds more than anything and keep dissociating because of it. Ugh.
Just wanted to see if anyone else felt the same. I wish my soul could exit my body until it's at a more acceptable weight. Then I'd return to it.
[Discussion] Harm prevention tips?
/u/sogyosha
Created: Thu Apr 5 23:31:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a719h/harm_prevention_tips/
---
You guys know how it is. You look up "anorexia harm prevention" or "how to prevent as much damage as possible while still in the midst of an eating disorder" and all you get are "anorexia is deadly!" results.
Like, yes, I'm well aware of that fact. But if I don't see recovery as an option right now, what should I do to keep my organs as healthy as possible while restricting calories? How can I prevent the most long term damage while I struggle to find peace with food?
What are the best things to be eating within my restricted calorie amount that will have the most nutrients?
Which vitamins should I be taking? Electrolytes? Should I be taking prenatal vitamins? Twice the daily recommendation?
Is cutting out sugar a bad idea when I'm already cutting practically everything else out?
Answers appreciated!
[Discussion] Anyone else love corsets/ waist training?
/u/Jenny_Roberts
Created: Thu Apr 5 22:25:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a6o97/anyone_else_love_corsets_waist_training/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] Anyone else feel like throwing up after not eating for a while?
/u/EvenRainbowsScream [4'11 | SW:117| CW:106 | GW:85 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 22:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a6o26/anyone_else_feel_like_throwing_up_after_not/
---
I’ve been restricting a lot lately and today I only ate a small breakfast and right now I feel like I could throw up. Is this what hunger pains feel like? Does anyone feel like that?
PRO-ED Discord!! Support Group!
/u/PrincessNocchi
Created: Thu Apr 5 22:23:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a6nsl/proed_discord_support_group/
---
Hello, a lot of the discord servers for eating disorders are hell-scape MPA trash with a bunch of people making other people feel really bad about themselves, so i've decided to start my own. If you are 14+ and looking for a place for support, understanding, and growth you're welcome to join this discord server! Discrimination, fatshaming, butterfly shaming, none of it will be tolerate! It is a safe place to share thoughts, feelings, and reach out for support! If you'd like to join the link is below!
https://discord.gg/tZp4YYP
[Help] Advice on laxatives? (Not looking for purging tips, in actual pain)
/u/ScottieBFerguson
Created: Thu Apr 5 22:04:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a6jqk/advice_on_laxatives_not_looking_for_purging_tips/
---
[removed]
[Help] Boyfreind doesn't understand disordered eating
/u/handzies
Created: Thu Apr 5 21:52:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a6h19/boyfreind_doesnt_understand_disordered_eating/
---
Yikes, my boyfriend and I have been on and off dating for about 2 years. Any time we break up I fall deep into a relapse. But right now I am relapsing really hard due to many triggers even though we are together. One of those being him. He knows I have had anorexia, but he doesn't understand it's ongoing. So he accidently does some horrible things to my mental health. Like pinching my fatty parts, pointing out when I've gained, telling me all I think about is food, and telling me I'm just not trying hard enough to lose weight.
Although we just got in a fight, I accidently said a really nasty thing to him that really crossed a line, but before that he called me fat... But the thing I said back was 10x worse. I mean, he can't possibly be playing off my disorder on purpose? I'm confused and would love to rip myself limb from limb. My blood sugar is so low though that I can't make a rational thought only a swirl vat of dark emotions. GOOD THING HE WONT TALK TO ME. I've apologized for what I said 4 times but he won't have it.
Conclusion: how do I make my boyfriend understand this is an on going thing and that he cannot say those sort of things to me without setting me back in recovery?
[Rant/Rave] “Just eat.”
/u/inebulous
Created: Thu Apr 5 21:25:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a6ax9/just_eat/
---
[removed]
[Other] Trying to be more honest with myself and others
/u/pinkerapples
Created: Thu Apr 5 21:13:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a689j/trying_to_be_more_honest_with_myself_and_others/
---
https://i.redd.it/kzy3uy9yg7q01.jpg
[Help] Do anyone follow any proED accounts on insta that post pictures of themselves?
/u/Greeneloaf
Created: Thu Apr 5 21:07:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a66rv/do_anyone_follow_any_proed_accounts_on_insta_that/
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[removed]
[Other] I think purging has ruined my ability to swallow pills.
/u/the_better_cheddar [5'7 | 135 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 20:57:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a64eo/i_think_purging_has_ruined_my_ability_to_swallow/
---
I started purging in spring of last year, and since then I've had a lot of trouble swallowing pills. I literally never had this problem before I started purging. I just now took some advil, and it took me 4 attempts to get 2 pills down. And I feel sick to my stomach, like they might come back up. I think I screwed up my gag reflex (in b4 bj jokes).
I know it's probably all mental because I swallow food pieces bigger than pills... Anyone else have this problem?
[Rant/Rave] rant, taunting self with food
/u/kingarthersixties [5'6 | 125 | 21.05 | GW: 118 | female]
Created: Thu Apr 5 20:44:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a61by/rant_taunting_self_with_food/
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I gained like 5 pounds from binging and i wsnt to die lol. I'm so fukicnng fat i can't handle it. I'm going to slow my restruction down this time so I don't immediately fall into a binge? I'll see how it goes idk.
also, does anyone else like....,,....taunt themselves with food??? My mom made my favorite pasta and breadsticks (FUCK), and I made myself smell them to like provoke myself??????? i dont know.
[Help] how to respond to someone asking if you’re sick??
/u/Greeneloaf
Created: Thu Apr 5 20:37:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a5zlv/how_to_respond_to_someone_asking_if_youre_sick/
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To put it bluntly I look unhealthy currently, my face used to be very chubby and now it’s sunken in and my ribs and collarbones are very prominent in my pictures. A girl I haven’t seen in a year and a half texted me out of the blue asking if I was okay because I looked really tiny. I haven’t responded yet because I don’t know what a normal response would be, I’m thrilled that I’ve earned the label “tiny” but I’m afraid of people closer to me figuring out that I have an eating disorder. I live with my mother and I’m not sure if it’s just my anxiety making me paranoid or if she’s catching on but it’s making me very anxious.
[Help] Telling your S.O. about your E.D.?
/u/2011to2018
Created: Thu Apr 5 20:29:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a5xp5/telling_your_so_about_your_ed/
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I've been dating this guy for over 6 months now, and I really love him a lot. It's been great! We're great friends and we see each other almost every day.
We started dating in September. I've been battling bulimia since I was 15 (I'm 22 now) and being him was one of my longest stretches of 'sobriety' from purging - until, of course, tonight. Sometime in early November til April, I made it without making myself vomit, and here I am.
So what I'm wondering is, do I tell him? The reason why I tried to stop in November is because I truly fear for my life at this point. 7 years of purging has to catch up with me at some point, and I know my esophagus can't handle much more.
I'm scared to tell ANYONE about my ED, especially him, for fear that they'll make me recover and gain weight. I restrict pretty heavily, and I don't want anyone to keep me from doing that, but I'm so scared of purging killing me. I want it to stop, and I want to be honest with him. I don't know what to do.
tl;dr: relapsed in purging, scared of going to far this time and ending up in the hospital or dead. should i tell him, so i can stop, and/or to be honest with him?
ON MOBILE - UNSURE OF HOW TO ADD FLAIR?
[Help] any idea how many calories are in a yam tempura roll if it's big?
/u/little_milkee
Created: Thu Apr 5 19:57:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a5pud/any_idea_how_many_calories_are_in_a_yam_tempura/
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sources on google tell me it's about 250 for a 6pc roll which I can almost believe if it's small. but these are like the size of my palm. does anyone know how to calculate or guesstimate how many calories there are in a large 6pc yam tempura roll? (and it has a bit of avocado in it)
many thanks!
[Other] There's a difference between having an eating disorder and fucking with other people
/u/-lotophagi- [5'6" | 127lbs | 20 | -8lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 19:33:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a5jnc/theres_a_difference_between_having_an_eating/
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I've seen a bunch of really fucked up posts in here... a couple times now... where members are pleased with themselves for sabotaging others diets with secretly adding sugars and content to friends/family/peers food or elating in being "better" than them and I really want you to know that it's not ok. Hurting yourself is your choice. It's your body, and your decision to eat how you eat. Fucking with others? Bad. Very bad. Don't do it. Don't justify it to yourself. Don't congratulate each other on it. It is so wrong on so many levels. If someone did it to you, you would be devastated and horrified and pissed and hurt. You don't know if someone is diabetic or if they have allergies or if they have cholesterol issues. Adding things to their food is never ok. Manipulating people into overeating because you want them to gain weight is NOT ok. It is toxic. It is horrible. Do what you wish to yourself, but do not applaud or engage in fucking with others...
[Help] Avoiding the munchies?
/u/runjumpflip [5'3 | CW 107 | 19.1 | GW 95 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 19:18:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a5g3f/avoiding_the_munchies/
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Planning on smoking some weed tonight for anxiety/depression and just for a good time. Anyone got tips on not binge eating while high?
[Intro] Finally have the courage to post and introduce myself!
/u/clairebasic
Created: Thu Apr 5 19:18:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a5g0t/finally_have_the_courage_to_post_and_introduce/
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Hi there! I'm u/clairebasic and I hate myself. :)
I've had disordered eating for probably around 10 years now. It used to just be extreme restricting, but once I got to college, the binging started. So now it's a vicious cycle of restricting/binging. This post was brought on by me eating all of the Easter candy my mom got me in one sitting...that I promised myself I wouldn't eat at all. lol cool go me. I'm so sick of feeling out of control around food. It's easier for me to eat nothing than it is to control how much food I eat once I start eating. I just want to be tiny and I'm so sick of feeling "trapped" in my body.
Nice to meet you all and thanks for all of your wonderfully supportive posts. See ya around <3
[Help] Picked up an even earlier shift for tomorrow, and I’ve only got 1 more of Mama’s Lil Helpers left. Haaaalppp!!!
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Thu Apr 5 19:09:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a5dt1/picked_up_an_even_earlier_shift_for_tomorrow_and/
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By “Mama’s Lil Helpers”, I am of course referring to our dear friend Bronkaid lol. I should be ok, honestly, but I really want to put off eating until my lunch break at 10 am. Shouldn’t be too hard because I’m not usually hungry before 7-8 anyway. I start at 6 am btw. Was supposed to go in at 7. Meh, at least I’ll be off an hr earlier.
[Discussion] I thought I just had EDNOS, but today I found out I'm a food addict too. Anyone else?
/u/atrociousamosa [5'4 | CW: 115 | GW: unattainable]
Created: Thu Apr 5 18:45:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a57s8/i_thought_i_just_had_ednos_but_today_i_found_out/
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https://i.redd.it/yhszvl63q6q01.jpg
[Goal] Trying to keep myself motivated
/u/anikaal
Created: Thu Apr 5 18:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a56sd/trying_to_keep_myself_motivated/
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https://i.redd.it/z2z8bvxup6q01.jpg
[Discussion] diet pills
/u/fuckingeffy [5'5 | 150 | 25 | Non-Binary]
Created: Thu Apr 5 18:15:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a502i/diet_pills/
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[removed]
[Tip] How does one discuss their eating habits with their parents without it getting awkward?
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | CW 192lbs | GW 115 | BMI 28.8 | Lost 68]
Created: Thu Apr 5 17:54:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a4ulm/how_does_one_discuss_their_eating_habits_with/
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I told them I'm trying if, which basically means I've been not eating for ages and want them to stop asking me what I want for dinner cause it's my damn food I'll make it and eat it when I want please don't look at me. Now it's embarrassing and awkward and I'm questioning if I should try recovery because they're taking turns between lecturing me and giving me the silent treatment. How do I avoid them seeing me not eat while not making it terribly obvious?
I know tip giving in the ed world is frowned upon, but I'm far gone so you're just making easier what I'm gonna do anyway
[Goal] Went swimming for the first time in 6 years.
/u/social_anx_throwaway
Created: Thu Apr 5 17:41:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a4r4l/went_swimming_for_the_first_time_in_6_years/
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I love swimming. I love the feeling of being in the water, there's something liberating about being so free and light in the water,
being able to completely submerge yourself-it's a wonderful feeling (I'm an aquarius lol). I used to swim all the time as a child and never thought anything of it until I hit puberty and my body image issues started. Ever since then, I always just "put my feet in." The words swimming or bathing suit became synonymous with hatred and self-hatred. I'll never forget being in a two piece back in summer camp and being told my thigh stretch marks were disgusting.
I'm on vacation right now and we're at a resort. I had two drinks in me and was feeling pretty buzzed and happy. My mom wanted to "put her feet in." So I went down with her to the pool in capris and and a t-shirt. There were a few people there and I stuck my feet in. After a few minutes, I suddenly had the urge to jump in the water. I kept reaching down and feeling the water. My mom said, "just do it, you know you want to." I don't know what came over me but I just jumped in. I was worried people would think it wad weird I was wearing full clothing but nobody said anything or blinked an eye. I didn't even dare pack a bathing suit since 1) I don't have one that would even fit me anymore since I NEVER shop for one and 2) I've convinced myself I'm a "stick your feet in" kinda gal. It felt amazing to be back under the water and doing headstands, tumbles, etc. When I came out, I thought my 13 year old self would've been proud. I can't believe I deprived myself of this for years. My next stop is the beach.
[Goal] Need to make some changes
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|115.lb|23F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 17:30:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a4oa5/need_to_make_some_changes/
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Sorry for the novel – this is mostly for me to get these thoughts down and make some resolutions and goals for myself after a disastrous binge cycle. And I don't know, maybe this could be helpful for someone.
I've had an interesting few weeks. I had gotten down to my lowest weight in years after I started (high) restricting again ugh, it felt so amazing. I had a good thing going for about a month or so.
But I guess I hadn't realized how dependent I am on routine. I went on a week-long trip, and it was a lot of not knowing what food was going to be put in front of me next, or sitting around bored out of my mind with nothing to do but eat. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I still gained 3 or 4 pounds and felt pretty horrible as I returned back home.
I got back down to 110 pretty quickly, then I went on another trip a couple weeks later, and I had a lot more autonomy over my schedule and what food I could eat...disaster. I binged all week on all the fake diet food I could get my hands on and overate at every opportunity, and it turned into a binge cycle. Hopped on the scale a couple days ago and I had undone all the work I had done in the past two months or so. 110 to 117. Thigh gap gone, arms and waist gone flabby.
I had an enormous panic attack and I tried to explain to my SO how I was feeling and bless his heart, he just doesn't understand. The concept of having a negative relationship with food/body is completely foreign to him, and I guess he can't see those changes in my body like I can.
This was the first time I have really been in a "binge cycle" for years and years. And I know it was because I had started restricting again. But I'm resolved to make some changes so this doesn't happen anymore:
* Changing calorie goal on MFP to 1500 net. Trying to keep it under 1200 and seeing that red number of doom tends to freak me out and trigger an episode of overeating, especially when I run into unexpected food situations.
* At least 64 oz water a day, not including diet soda (which I drink a lot of). I'm very active, and part of what I think got me so out of control was eating when I was really just very very dehydrated.
* Have nice hair/makeup/outfit every day, even if it's just athleisure or if I don't leave the house all day. When I put care and love into my appearance I will treat my body better which means I will eat better.
* Plan out food the night before, prepare for surprises, pack emergency snacks for blood-sugar crashes to avoid desperation binges.
* Eat cleaner to reset my body and my cravings. Try for balanced macros, but not necessarily at the expense of calorie goal. Find healthy alternatives to my unhealthy "safe foods."
* When my SO suggests an unhealthy place to eat, offer a similar healthy place or offer to make it homemade. When eating out, get sensible, low-cal, healthy options always. I don't always have to get my favorite dish and throw the whole day out the window.
* For my next trip (which is coming up in a couple of months), MAKE A PLAN.
I've been following these goals all week, consistently 1500 a day with ~3h exercise and at least 64 oz of water, and it's working pretty well and I feel much better and in control. Down to 115. I really want to try having a better relationship with food and never go back to the deep, dark hole of self-hatred I found myself in last weekend. I need to find a way to be okay with losing weight more slowly and sustainably, because I don't know if it's worth it to feel that way again.
[Help] I can't do this anymore
/u/n34543
Created: Thu Apr 5 17:13:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a4jzi/i_cant_do_this_anymore/
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Don't know if this is the correct flair. Sorry if it's incorrect.
I really don't know what to do. I can't do this anymore, I am in so much pain. I've been struggling for years, ever since I was 11. I've gone through:
1.
obsessive calorie counting but still eating what I want as long as it was under 1200 calories
2.
obsessively counting calories and only eating healthy foods
3.
obsessively counting calories and only eating "safe" foods which for me was basically low fat
4.
counting calories and only eating 2 meals a day, strictly in a 12 hr window and lots of cardio
5.
just not eating and pretending I wasn't hungry and convincing myself that I felt sick when I ate, costing my family hundreds of dollars in medical bills because they really thought I had something wrong with my digestive system.
6.
binge eating my safe foods but still working out a good amount
7.
saying fuck it to calorie counting and safe foods and binging on any food I can find. Yesterday it wad cold, slimy left over rice and beans, hummus, carrots, granola, raisins, and almonds in one of three of my binges that day. I eat to the point that I'm in intense pain, and then eat some more. And also just no working out because what's the point we all die anyways.
These stages or cycles or whatever have occurred over the span of a few years. I'm on number 7 now, which is intense, ravenous, endless binges which end with me crying for hours and then doing it again when then pain subsides even a little.
I feel like I should also mention that after my first calories counting cycle, I started using laxatives. I hated the feeling of being "full" which basically meant that I just wanted to look like I had just woken up and been fasting for 10 days all the time. But over time, the laxatives have stopped working and I have to take mass amounts for them to work which sucks.
I don't know what to do. I actually wish when I could count my calories or starve myself for days on end. At least I was skinny and felt like I had control. Now I'm fat and have zero control over my life. I just want to end this. If I can't control something as basic as my own eating then what's the point?
[Other] Guys y'all JUST talked about this 😂😂😂😂
/u/PmMeUrKhajiit
Created: Thu Apr 5 17:05:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a4hpa/guys_yall_just_talked_about_this/
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https://i.redd.it/5wqcp8fl86q01.png
I thought today was a sure binge day, and I ate so much but it turns out I seriously overestimate the calories in fruits/vegetables
/u/habsquad [5'6 | CW:150 | BMI:24.2 |GW: 123 ]
Created: Thu Apr 5 16:50:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a4ddq/i_thought_today_was_a_sure_binge_day_and_i_ate_so/
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https://v.redd.it/drme34hy56q01
[Rant/Rave] I hate binging but I cant stop myself
/u/IntoYourHeart
Created: Thu Apr 5 16:28:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a47mw/i_hate_binging_but_i_cant_stop_myself/
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I'm mainly just a lurker on here. But I've gotten so bad lately I just want to get all of this off of my chest.
Every day for the past few weeks/months I've been binging indiscriminately. My boyfriend keeps asking me if trying to lose weight because he wants to see me skinnier and I tell him yes because I don't want him to think I'm a disgusting person.
Today I hid in my car and ate an entire bag of mini reeses cups, a butterfinger bar, a snickers bar, a bag of Ritz cheese crackers, and had a starbucks mocha. I know when i get home from school I'm going to binge eat again. I'm a 4'11" woman. I'm going to gain so much weight and i hate myself for letting myself get this way. I'm too socially anxious to go to the gym anymore. I have no friends because my boyfriend doesn't let me talk to other people without his permission and if he knows I'm going to other people for help he won't be happy and he's the only person I can talk to anymore. I'm just so fed up with everything. I hate my weight and I hate eating yet I keep binging because it's the only time I feel good anymore. When I'm eating it's like I forget about everything else that's bothering me, and that's all I want. I just want to forget everything, I've been considering suicide because I hate myself so much, my body disgusts me, once I finish binging I just look at myself and feel like the worst, most disgusting person in the world, and feeling like that just makes me want to eat more. I don't know what to do.
I just wanted to get all of this off my chest. I don't know how to stop binge eating. Please give me suggestions. I'm sorry for cluttering this subreddit with my whinging.
I'm on mobile so I don't know how to add a flair. I'm sorry
[Help] Mukbang
/u/glorydaisy [5'3 | CW 118 | UGW 100]
Created: Thu Apr 5 16:25:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a46pn/mukbang/
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Help me find a YouTuber who doesn't sound absolutely disgusting when they eat without me just muting it because the banter calms me down but the eating itself sounds so nasty and obnoxious
sugar-free
/u/SamPlaid [5'4" | CW: 115 |F ]
Created: Thu Apr 5 15:32:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a3r5p/sugarfree/
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i have a major sugar addiction and im going off sugars completely for awhile. im on day 2! has anyone ever done this before and if so what can i expect (in terms of withdrawal symptoms, etc)? also, because of course---how much weight did you lose?
[Rant/Rave] Uneducated people talking authoritatively about eating disorders annoy me
/u/FinleyTheCat
Created: Thu Apr 5 15:27:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a3ppk/uneducated_people_talking_authoritatively_about/
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I watched [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TflyGXE99K0) by HowToCameron on Youtube recently and I just really need to get this off my chest I guess??
In the video Cameron talks about this other YouTuber (Amberlynn Reid) who regularly makes mukbangs and weight-related videos. To preface I've watched a lot of her videos and have noticed a general pattern that reminds me of disordered behavior but I'm not going to say one way or the other if she has BED or w/e because I'm not her doctor.
In the video Cameron makes a quick off-handed comment that in his opinion Amberlynn's weight problems aren't related to BED or disordered eating behavior because she's obviously just lazy due to all of her excuses.
I'm over here just rolling my eyes. Like??? What may look like excuses or inaction to an outsider could well be self-destructive and addictive behaviors on the inside. I've struggled with binge eating, so of course my perspective is different than his, but shouldn't his lack of knowledge on the subject of eating disorders give him a bit of trepidation when outright dismissing mental health issues as a possible consequence of her weight problems?
Whenever I've struggled with my weight it's never been out of sheer laziness and satisfaction with my body (obviously). No one wants to be unhealthy unless they have an unhealthy mindset to begin with. Whenever I binge I do it out of a place of self-destruction. I do it because a part of me wants to punish myself due to other areas in my life going unexamined (stress, anxiety, etc). I never just... want to be lazy and love my rolls or w/e this guy thinks is happening lol.
It's just really frustrating to watch because I know so many people will watch and come away with this idea that all fat people are just lazy fatasses and disordered eating is just some excuse to gain sympathy or w/e. I literally never tell anyone about my disordered eating because I know most people won't believe me. You can bet your ass no one understood even more so when I was at my highest weight. Now that I'm a "healthy weight" people would just assume I was lying or that it isn't that bad.
Idk. Sometimes I just come here to vent because normies suck lol.
i'm not in denial
/u/C19H21N3Os
Created: Thu Apr 5 15:19:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a3nmi/im_not_in_denial/
---
https://i.redd.it/ujv1s0dup5q01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Whatever you do...
/u/astoryofpuppetry [5'2" | CW: 145 | GW: 120 | -85 lbs | Lady ❤]
Created: Thu Apr 5 15:12:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a3lgj/whatever_you_do/
---
Do not purge tuna!! Just don't...not cool man, not cool...
[Discussion] At what point did you realize you needed help?
/u/eighttorches
Created: Thu Apr 5 14:59:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a3hlk/at_what_point_did_you_realize_you_needed_help/
---
I almost fainted while excersising recently, i could hardly hear or see anything for a few minutes it was terrifying. But does anyone else feel like they're not sick enough to ask for help? Or just not ready for recovery? Before it was just this inevitable game that i played in my head but reality is slowly collapsing onto me and im scared. This is real. Im not in control and the thoughts never go away. But sometimes i have good days where i do eat and im not underweight so i feel like im a fake and there's nothing actually wrong with me.
[Rant/Rave] why am i like this?
/u/burrochevola [5’3’’ | 128 lbs | ugw: 👻]
Created: Thu Apr 5 14:59:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a3hcr/why_am_i_like_this/
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i literally just freaked out & started CRYING while i was tracking my calories of the day because i mistakenly added 400 grams of chicken instead of the 200 i ate and that put me at 900 calories instead of the 700 i planned
when i looked better and found out it was a mistake i legitimately started laughing hysterically with tears still on my face
what the fuck has my life come to lmao
[Help] Anyone up to be a couch? Really could use some help, had a baby 2 months ago and need to get to my goal!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 5 14:09:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a326z/anyone_up_to_be_a_couch_really_could_use_some/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a326z/anyone_up_to_be_a_couch_really_could_use_some/
[Other] Fashion sense fueled by disordered thoughts
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 14:08:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a31un/fashion_sense_fueled_by_disordered_thoughts/
---
https://i.redd.it/szyx6lsxc5q01.png
[Rant/Rave] Haven’t weighed myself in 3-4 months of recovery
/u/thingsarestranger
Created: Thu Apr 5 14:03:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a30de/havent_weighed_myself_in_34_months_of_recovery/
---
I started recovery in the new year and I’ve been keeping track of my measurements but I have no idea how much actual weight I’ve put on. I always have looked like less than what I weigh because I weightlift and eat mostly protein so even when my ribs were showing I was still 127 pounds at 5’3. That was the lowest weight I got to see on the scale coming down from 160-170. My waist went from 25 inches to 27-28 in this time which is the most upsetting. I feel so fat and gross and I feel like I’m close to being overweight again even tho when I was the high weight my waist was 33. So confusing. I really want to weigh myself but don’t have access to a scale (got measured at doctors last time).
[Rant/Rave] Nosy Coworkers
/u/WaitingForHealing [5'5.5" | 271 | 237 | 115 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 13:32:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a2r34/nosy_coworkers/
---
Let me set the scene! My coworker is like 5’0”. She is fat. I’m leaving the bathroom at work and my coworker sees me. “Oh, wow are you losing weight?”
Me: Yeah!
Coworker: what weight do you want to be?
M: *stupidly tells her the number* 130.
C: That’s way to small! I was 130 and the doctor wanted me to lose weight! I couldn’t lose no weight I’d blown away in the wind!!! You should be like 140 or 145.
I just thought how she definitely was full of shit.
M: oh, I should be 5 pounds from overweight?
C: That’s overweight!?
M: Yeah.
C: * Keeps not mind her own damn business. I’m tuning her out *
M: Oh, yeah it definitely depends on how you feel. Everyone is different. *walks the fuck away*
Lmao wtf don’t tell me what I should weight. Everyone talks about your ass barely fitting through the door.
Same lady who had the nerve to ask my crush if he was dating when she found out I liked a male coworker. Stay in your lane.
[Rant/Rave] Dealing with things you don't want to acknowledge?
/u/PandorasMusicalBox [5'4" | CW: 125ish | UGW: 95 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 13:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a2ki8/dealing_with_things_you_dont_want_to_acknowledge/
---
After I withdrew from college for the semester, I fled across the country to stay with my sister while I figure out what I want to do. I started DBT treatment to help my anxiety/depression and the recent BPD diagnosis I got, but I told my therapist I didn't want to touch my ED. I didn't want to actively hide things from her, either, so I've been honest about my thoughts/feelings in their entirety -- I fill out a journal to track my moods & what I do each day, and share that with her.
Last session, she dropped this bombshell on me:
"So it seems like a lot of your distressing thoughts are around your ED, and you're awfully protective of it. It doesn't seem possible to have a fulfilling and happy life -- your words -- with the ED. They're two separate things that cannot exist together."
I've told her many times that I don't want to recover. I'm moving back in with my parents in about a month, back to the other coast, where I'll be able to hide my ED behavior moreso than I'm able to now. And fuck, I'm not even an underweight BMI. Yeah, my ugw is a BMI of about 16, but I've been struggling with the same goddamn 5 pounds for the past half year that me being at my ugw seems like a far off dream.
I've also been working on a DBT workbook on my own and I'm feeling very stuck. The exercise is "write down all your daily judgements" so you can eventually work at judging less but a fuckton of my judgements are centered around the ED. I don't want to get better with the ED. I don't. But I can't really separate my other mental illnesses from it since they're all intertwined. Effectively, I can't really treat my anxiety/depression without touching the ED, which is something I can't do. I won't do.
I'm feeling things but I don't even know what I'm feeling.
EC stack questions
/u/sfrae-93
Created: Thu Apr 5 12:39:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a2aui/ec_stack_questions/
---
[removed]
[Help] Trouble focusing on ANYTHING
/u/mandolin_handsfree [169cm | CW: 132lbs | BMI: 20.98 | GW: 120lbs | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 12:35:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a29qz/trouble_focusing_on_anything/
---
Yesterday I even ate more than I normally would but I was having a hard time focusing- on what people were saying but even on the TV I was watching or things I was reading. I feel so dumb when this happens. Is there anyway that I can help focus when eating more is out of the question?
[Help] Experiencing flu-like symptoms after a purge?
/u/MissNietzsche [19F | CBMI 24 | HBMI 29 | GBMI 18]
Created: Thu Apr 5 12:25:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a26e4/experiencing_flulike_symptoms_after_a_purge/
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Purging has been happening more than once a day recently, and with that, my gag reflex is progressively diminishing. I keep having to push my hand farther and farther back each time, and be more aggressive with it.
So last night, I think I did some serious damage to my throat. I wouldn't be surprised if it was just my throat that was hurting the next day, but when I woke up this morning, I felt like I was hit by a truck. My throat is in so much pain, it feels as though my stomach acidity levels are too high and I'm having nausea, I'm having chest pangs, my mind is extremely foggy and can barely even do anything, my body is weak, and I almost definitely have a fever.
I think my body senses a sore throat, and identifies that as sickness, so it's almost as if it responds accordingly to make me feel sick/like I have the flu, when I'm not actually ill.
Can anyone recommend anything or have any experience with this?
I just have no idea how all of this can result from a purge.
I'm definitely not eating; I can't purge like this.
[Help] High restriction motivation?
/u/dumplings412
Created: Thu Apr 5 12:22:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a25ma/high_restriction_motivation/
---
[removed]
[Other] Next to the therapist i never followed up with at Starbucks
/u/thingsarestranger
Created: Thu Apr 5 12:16:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a23uw/next_to_the_therapist_i_never_followed_up_with_at/
---
Went to on-campus Starbucks to get coffee and the man in front of me sounds familiar. Takes me a couple seconds then I realize it’s the make therapist I had one session with and we talked about my restricting and weight loss and he referred me to a specialist and wanted to take me on as a regular patient. I don’t like talking to men honestly especially not about self-image issues because I feel like a whiny little girl. So I never answered when he called (like 5x) and just let him give up lol I had a had on luckily so he didn’t recognize me or if he did he didn’t say anything. I’ve been in recovery since the new year so I’ve also put on a fuckton of weight, aiding in my disguise.
[Help] It's getting easier to resist the urge to eat than to eat and not purge...
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 58.5 | 19.55/19.32 | GW: 57 | UGW: <55 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 12:15:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a23bz/its_getting_easier_to_resist_the_urge_to_eat_than/
---
Third time this week, it's officially a pattern. I never used to purge and this new phase of this illness is starting to scare the shit out of me.
I'm genuinely frightened to eat. Even safe foods are no longer safe, if I have even one bite too much (and it doesn't take a lot) and I have the overwhelming feeling to get everything out. Today, I managed to eat a can of chickpeas with some honey mustard and a slice of bread. Kept that down so I felt safe enough to try to have a small cup of muesli. Nope. Purged so much, food from lunch was coming up.
I miss my "normal" restriction. I'm losing weight at the same rate but I feel like absolute shit. I can't focus at work and I'm constantly moving through a fog or a pounding head. I've been lower weights than this and didn't feel half as terrible. I've been trying to keep myself hydrated and I've been sipping broth to keep my electrolytes in check (along with my magnesium supplements).
This is ass-backwards, but any tips to keep calories in? I'm thinking of buying peanut butter because you can eat small amounts for a higher count but it's one of my binge foods and in this state I really don't trust myself.
[Other] Thanks to the ED Debate on r/1200isplenty I now realise I have a problem.
/u/-PM-ME-NICE-THINGS-
Created: Thu Apr 5 11:53:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a1wf1/thanks_to_the_ed_debate_on_r1200isplenty_i_now/
---
I'm sure most of you will already know about [this post here](https://i.redd.it/abi8ixf623q01.png) but for those who don't, the 'great debate' finally happened.
I could tell instantly that some of the comments weren't written by those in the [r/1200isplenty](https://www.reddit.com/r/1200isplenty/) community but from this one. The biggest difference I could see was the perspective on disordered eating, with some on the r/1200isplenty community questioning whether or not overweight people could have an ED, and assuming you could somehow 'catch' one just by looking at a salad for too long.
So *is* that sub a gateway to an eating disorder? No. But can it enable people with a disorder who don't want to believe there's anything wrong? Yes.
I've justified my low calorie eating since 2015 with being bordering obese in the past and wanting to keep it off. I stuck to 1400 kcals a day and walked at least an hour a day, some days up to three. However, everything would finally explode in January 2017.
At the age of 20 I had a heart attack, and that pretty much put the nail in the coffin for me. It's crazy, I'd been suicidal for so many years before then. I'd tried overdosing, contemplated jumping off a bridge, thought about jumping in front of speeding cars... but then when you're presented with a chance to die that's outside of your control suddenly it becomes a whole new game. I didn't want to die anymore.
In my bid to have the 'healthiest' body you've ever seen, I warped my diet beyond belief. I refused to drink water that came in a plastic bottle in case it killed me. I could no longer have British blend tea because of the tannins. Even 'healthy' foods like apples became monsters because of their acid content, and bananas for their sugar. Pasta, bread and rice are the devil. Anything wrapped in cling film was going to kill me. Cows milk and meat have hormones in it so that's a no no. All straws must be made of metal. Don't trust sugar, or sweeteners, or E numbers. If I ate so much as 1210 kcals, you better believe I'm burning those 10 extra calories off. I haven't enjoyed food for almost three years now, I loathe it, it's simply a means to survive. I'm sick of counting calories, and googling the best ways to detoxify and purify the body, and whether or not potato peel can kill me.
If it weren't for one of you blessed, heaven sent commenters I wouldn't even know orthorexia is a thing. It's so unheard of my spell check is convinced it's a spelling error.
Maybe I have it, maybe I don't, but I've never felt more relieved to know that I'm not alone. I want to say I'm sorry for sitting on my high horse over in r/1200isplenty thinking that because I was on *that* subreddit instead it made it all different somehow.
[Discussion] Weird request: salty low cal drinks when fasting
/u/SummerMournings [5’2 | CW: 131 GW: 107 | 🍑 ImMakingT0ast]
Created: Thu Apr 5 11:37:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a1rcp/weird_request_salty_low_cal_drinks_when_fasting/
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Idk about you guys but sometimes I get REALLY sick of sweet flavored water, sweet iced coffee, sweet diet soda, etc when fasting. It gives me a headache after a while. Black coffee is an okay break from all the sweet but I don’t like it cold and sometimes I want something cold or without caffeine... does anyone have any suggestions?
Thanks :)
[Help] scared to check the scale? Help.
/u/boken2peices78
Created: Thu Apr 5 11:16:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a1kvi/scared_to_check_the_scale_help/
---
I'm freaking out because I ate so much this week
tuesday- cup o noodles (290) but only ate about 3 bites, so less but just in case
wednsday- 1 dole fruit cup (80)
2 slatines (30) 1 peanut butter cracker (35) breakfast esstensel shake high protein (220)
total: 365
I checked the scale tuesday and I weighed 69.6, now i'm to scared to check now
it's thursday and i'm fasting then i'll check sometime friday maybe😨
[Discussion] DAE have a really strict ED-driven routine?
/u/thisfightisnotover
Created: Thu Apr 5 10:51:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a1d0q/dae_have_a_really_strict_eddriven_routine/
---
Like, my morning routine is:
-Wake up as late as possible so if there's any food/water in me it will digest
-Use the bathroom
-Weigh myself
-Measure my waist
-Sit on the kitchen floor for 30min-1hr figuring out how I'm gonna eat that day and what to eat that day
-Spend the rest of today trying to distract myself from any food thoughts until my designated lunch/dinner times
[Rant/Rave] I cannot stop spitting out my food.
/u/thisfightisnotover
Created: Thu Apr 5 10:34:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a17mv/i_cannot_stop_spitting_out_my_food/
---
I couldn't decide whether to flair this as rant or help. Anyway. I can't stop eating just to spit things out! I do it with almost everything that I don't eat in front of people. It makes me feel so good knowing that I'll only get 50-100 or so of those calories (Probably less, but I love to overestimate). I made an huge bowl of macaroni and spit the entire thing out. I've eaten most of the Easter candy my friends have given me and maybe only swallowed like.... a couple servings? Maybe 2 or 3? I know it's wasteful and I hate that but at the same time I can't stop being like "if you get rid of the food, there won't be any food left to eat..." And it's so nasty. Sometimes I look at the food in my trash and nearly puke. I'll rinse my mouth and spit it into a cup in my room. It's so so SO gross.
[Other] Inside my desk is an ED treasure trove. Like someone is gonna notice eventually right?
/u/SummerMournings [5’2 | CW: 131 GW: 107 | 🍑 ImMakingT0ast]
Created: Thu Apr 5 09:58:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a0wrn/inside_my_desk_is_an_ed_treasure_trove_like/
---
https://i.imgur.com/9cCQhr0.jpg
looking for accountability friend
/u/ingerg1981
Created: Thu Apr 5 09:48:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a0trx/looking_for_accountability_friend/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] DAE just ready to "check out" of it all?
/u/xremembertobreathex
Created: Thu Apr 5 09:41:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a0rjz/dae_just_ready_to_check_out_of_it_all/
---
So I'm down to go into voluntary inpatient for 2 weeks in a couple weeks time, followed by a stint as a day patient. I chose to go inpatient as my other half is away on business for the first 2 weeks of treatment and quite honestly I can't be bothered to look after myself in the evenings during that time.
Work have been incredible and my cover started yesterday. I'm a consultant in a pretty big bank and I love my project so I've made it very clear he shouldn't get too comfortable in my desk.
Having said this, I'm seriously starting to check out of life and work the closer I get to my date with treatment. I'm scared shitless and my emotions keep jumping around between....*yeah I've totally got this I can do Inpatient and it's going to get better*.....*fuuuuuck how have I let myself get to this point*....and....*I don't think I want to do any of this anymore*
I appreciate this makes me sound like I'm going to do something drastic...don't worry I'm not that way inclined. But I'm wondering if anyone else has ended up in this weird cycle of ambivalence about not just getting treatment but also about everything that used to bring happiness into their lives?
TL;DR : As I get closer to going inpatient my world's becoming increasingly grey and *meh*. Has anyone else ended up like this?
[Intro] Finally Decided To Get A Reddit Account For This Stuff
/u/adara-ll [5'5" | 120 | 20 | 18 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 09:25:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a0mnv/finally_decided_to_get_a_reddit_account_for_this/
---
Been a long time lurker on my main and I decided to finally get an account so I could feel comfortable posting here! I'm Adara, 5'5" and this morning I weighed in at 120.2, my highest weight since like November or December, and I freaked the fuck out. I have friends with BMIs under 17 and here I am, a fat fucking pig.
[Help] Diet Coke actually 0 calories?
/u/KatLovesPigs
Created: Thu Apr 5 09:22:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a0lnt/diet_coke_actually_0_calories/
---
So this may be a stupid question but are diet sodas actually zero calories if you drink multiple servings? I think I read something a while back that said it’s 0 calories because of the serving size the calories and sugar etc are so small that they can consider it 0 for that serving. But what if you drink more than 1 serving? I just feel like it’s impossible for anything to be completely zero like that.
[Rant/Rave] 'Healthy'?! Just Kill Me Now...
/u/UnderseaK [5'7 | cw: 150lbs | bmi:23.4 | gw: 110lbs]
Created: Thu Apr 5 09:19:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a0ktc/healthy_just_kill_me_now/
---
My poor husband has such a bad habit of speaking his mind while trying to be encouraging. I know he does it out of love but...damn. Yesterday we were laying in bed together and he said he was so proud and glad that I've been 'doing better'. When I asked what he meant, he stroked my thigh and said 'These are filling out again, you don't look so sick. You look healthy!'
Healthy is the worst word in existence. The kicker is that I am actually at the lowest weight I've ever been as an adult, but I'm still at the high end of a healthy bmi. HOW could I have looked 'sick' ten lbs heavier, but now I look 'healthy'?!
I did let him know that it bothered me and he apologized, but he can't un-say it. I just want to fast for the next week at this point....
[Help] Advice
/u/[deleted]
Created: Thu Apr 5 09:14:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a0jh0/advice/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a0jh0/advice/
[Rant/Rave] All my clothes make me feel like crap
/u/Douchebagette
Created: Thu Apr 5 09:03:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8a0fyy/all_my_clothes_make_me_feel_like_crap/
---
I've lost a little weight ~20 pounds or so and honestly have done almost any clothes shopping between then and now. 95% of my clothes are baggy and gross and make me feel like a homeless person.
I hate shopping for clothes, I have no idea what looks good on me, what size I am, and what clothing I like even. I hate shopping or getting anything for myself.
I also don't have any money to buy new ones anyways so I'm just probably going to keep hating myself.
[Help] The Fuckery of the Scale : A Life Ruining Event by Me
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 08:03:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89zybk/the_fuckery_of_the_scale_a_life_ruining_event_by/
---
I use a pretty cheap (€15) digital scale to track my weight. Until recently, it's been working just fine and it's been pretty consistent and accurate.
However, today I stepped on the scale and it said I weigh 10 PLUS KILOS MORE THAN NORMAL!!!!!!!
So like a frantic animal I started moving it around and it gave me different weights each time I moved it (talking like, ranging from 40kg to 70kg) and it made me want to just cry or kill myself or both.
I don't believe the low weight, so why should I believe that I'm 70kg when I'm usually much lower?
It's not possible to gain 10-15 kilos in one week, right? RIGHT???
The scale is just fucking with me.
And I don't like it.
[Discussion] Am I the only one... who thinks their goal weight will definitely solve everything?
/u/WaitingForHealing [5'5.5" | 271 | 237 | 115 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 06:50:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89zet8/am_i_the_only_one_who_thinks_their_goal_weight/
---
Like, my obsession is with being thin. I use starvation to cope and when I binge I’m sure I’m coping but don’t know what the coping is about.
Regardless when I hit 115 I think I will be happy and stop. In fact I want to build muscle and look attractive in MY eyes. If I look good before 115 I’ll stop.
My obsession is more with being my idea of drop dead gorgeous. I don’t want to have a BMI so low that everyday I could drop dead; don’t want to die from this; don’t want to have all my bones showing; I’m not obsessed with being severely underweight; none of that.
I’m just honestly obsessed with being perfect. Because I think I am wasting all of my features by being fucking fat.
Next tuesday I'm going to a adolescent psych ward and I don't know how to feel about it
/u/-novaterra- [174cm | CW: 64kg GW1: 55 UGW: 50]
Created: Thu Apr 5 06:44:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89zdd6/next_tuesday_im_going_to_a_adolescent_psych_ward/
---
I'm going for some unrelated ED issues. Overall social problems and depression I guess? Some days I don't think anything is even wrong with me. That it's just the regular human thinking proces. You know the one where you go - Why am I here? What am I doing? What is my worth? Why is everyone happier/better/etc than me? But those pass. Not this month tho, it's been a daily occurrence for me so I guess the stay there might help me stabilize those thoughts.
But the thing is. I'm a binge/comfort eater. And I did 'diet' unhealthy in a way in my younger days but I'm a semi-adult now. I've been successfully controling my binging tendencies with weightlifting,keto and fasting. It makes me happy when I get up for a run or when it's training day. It makes me happy when I fast two days and eat on the third without having to obsess over calories or feeling guilty for eating. This is my routine now. It helps me lose weight in a slow 'healthy' pace and just makes me feel accomplished and confident in myself.
I don't want to lose that. I'm suppose to stay there for two weeks. I need my morning runs and my weights. I need my fasting and my other health habits I've gained. I'm afraid I'll lose all my muscle and endurance progress or be just sad I don't get to do my routine.
They might even make me eat or something. I made myself better. I'm really scared that this will just undo all my fitness progress and that will in no way help me with my other issues. Idk this might be a ramble right now but I thought you guys would understand where I'm coming from.
Plus it's super uncommon in my country to care for ones mental health in this way. I feel ashamed that the doctor recommended this. Here this is considered just for crazy people, like a looney house if I can put it like that. I'm not crazy, I'm just weird and I eat weirdly.
[Rant/Rave] Anyone else not realize how many servings are in one pouch of these? 🙃 rip safe food
/u/throwawayformyanon
Created: Thu Apr 5 06:44:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89zda5/anyone_else_not_realize_how_many_servings_are_in/
---
https://i.redd.it/a4fw0zru53q01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Just finished my 72 hour fast!!÷
/u/tjking333 [5'3ft 💮 CW:126lb 💮 BMI:22 💮 -40lb 💮 GW:100 💮 21F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 06:43:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89zd3v/just_finished_my_72_hour_fast/
---
I'm so excited and so hungry. I'm going to do my best to not binge todat. Wish me luck.
[Rant/Rave] I broke my fast with a binge
/u/Sarahlump
Created: Thu Apr 5 06:28:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89z9gn/i_broke_my_fast_with_a_binge/
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I fasted for 6 weeks while exercising daily, I lost 30lbs. I just gained back 10 lbs by binging and it is disgusting. What's worse is I get paid tomorrow and will be able to buy more food and binge more. I'm going to try to not buy any food. Fingers crossed
They're getting woke y'all 😂😂😂
/u/PmMeUrKhajiit
Created: Thu Apr 5 06:23:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89z8dg/theyre_getting_woke_yall/
---
https://i.redd.it/abi8ixf623q01.png
[Help] Pain in throat after vomiting?
/u/Fatalope [5'4| CW 130 | GW 104 |HW 168 | 20 F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 06:21:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89z7q9/pain_in_throat_after_vomiting/
---
I didn't purge but I had a mild binge and apparently my body didn't take kindly to it and wanted it out.
I puked yesterday at 4pmish and still today I have a lot of pain in my throat that sorta comes in waves? I tried everything I could think of. Laying down and drinking water to try and I dunno flush what ever was in my throat out? (Google said to try it thought it couldn't hurt) sleeping sitting up. Tried walking around. Nothing is helping it is a really bad burning pain. What is it/how can I get rid of it? Will it go away?
[Other] I don't even know
/u/Renegade_always_was [5'6 | CW 135 | UGW 115 | 21.88 | -25lbs | 20/F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 06:19:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89z7fm/i_dont_even_know/
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After 4 months post breakup binging I have managed to gain and its killing me. I had no control over anything so my grades slipped, I was late for work all the time, and my eating was nonstop. I'm trying to figure out how to put myself back together. My ED brain is just telling me to fast from day one and to continue doing that until I'm back to where I was. I'm just so frustrated in myself and I am still heartbroken and it seems like nothing is going to help me.
[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support April 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 5 06:11:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89z5j6/weekly_emotional_support_april_05_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Apr 5 06:10:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89z5bh/daily_food_diary_april_05_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 05, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] hi im too sick to make decisions right now, advice please?
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | 98.8 | 17.5 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 05:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89z1d2/hi_im_too_sick_to_make_decisions_right_now_advice/
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Ive been sick yesterday and today (fever, sore throat, runny nose, head just feels awful, wahoo). Ive beeen making it a goal to exercise 30 mins each weekday but i took yesterday off since i was sick.
but now im still sick. so i feel like i should exercise since a rest day didnt help it? and i know a normal person would know to just stay in bed and rest but i feel like im making excuses for myself?? help? do i exercise or chill tf out?
Had anyone ever recovered and stayed relatively slim?
/u/clobbertimooo
Created: Thu Apr 5 05:46:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89yzs4/had_anyone_ever_recovered_and_stayed_relatively/
---
I've never personally met someone who recovered from heavy restriction but everyone I see online or in documentaries looks bloated past a healthy looking weight. Anyone have experience with maintaining a weight on the lower end of healthy and still recovering mentally.
[Help] sore / ache in chest
/u/illendmylife [cw: go away | f]
Created: Thu Apr 5 05:45:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89yzn0/sore_ache_in_chest/
---
i can't tell what it actually is but left side of my chest is very sore / aches. especially when i breath in/out or move my upper body. i've had it for a few days but it's worse now i guess. it's making my anxiety worse. i ate an apple and some antacid for breakfast, i'm going to rest today and definitely avoid purging. maybe i'll have some soup for lunch or something?? i'm trying to be kind to myself
[Rant/Rave] I'm nearing my goal weight and I'm terrified.
/u/BiByBye [5'4"| CW: 113.4bs | -28.6 | GW: 109 lbs | 31F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 05:42:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89yyvx/im_nearing_my_goal_weight_and_im_terrified/
---
It's so close. So damn close I can almost taste it. I've lost nearly 30 lbs in the last two months, two months of severe restriction and fasting and exercise. I've worked my ass off for this and I should be excited and proud. I can see a huge difference in pictures, I can feel the difference in how my hips and ribs protrude (and I can't stop fondling them now). I can feel it in how my new, smaller clothes are getting baggy on me. But standing naked in front of the mirror? I still see the mushy blob that started this. I see too much fat on my inner thighs, jiggly love handles, that stupid stomach pooch that just doesn't want to go away, and don't even get me started on my ass... I feel like I'm not going to be able to stop. The thought of eating at maintenence seems scary to me now. I've always had a difficult time actually seeing how my body looks, but this time seems different, more extreme. And while I've been severely underweight in the past and I don't want to go back to that...a part of me does. Because at least then I could keep doing what I'm doing and not feel so lost. Losing weight is the only thing I have control over in my life right now, and I don't know if I can just...stop. I don't know if I want to stop...
Boss said weird and, frankly insulting comment at a meeting.
/u/xxxanon1117 [5'7 | 120.4 | 118.79 | GW: 98 | FTM]
Created: Thu Apr 5 05:27:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89yvr7/boss_said_weird_and_frankly_insulting_comment_at/
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I was at a meeting yesterday, that my boss wasn’t actually at but she popped her head in, and there is food at these meetings. When I don’t get food I am made a public spectacle so I budget calories for a day and a half to eat lunch for that meeting and don’t eat for the rest of the day. My boss knows about my EDs so when she saw me she asked what I was eating and said to the entire room, “good, so are you going to eat enough so you can actually gain some weight?”. She is doing it out of concern she has previously expressed, but that is not the way to do it. I just ended up throwing my plate out when I could. I have rules about eating in front of people as it is. Geez...
[Rant/Rave] Salt weight has me fucked up
/u/ThisIsNotGumpy [5'2 | 97 | F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 05:07:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89yrol/salt_weight_has_me_fucked_up/
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I am 5’3 and bounce between 94.3-95.7. I have increased my calories from 800 to 1000 and today I stepped on the scale and it read 96.7.
Fuck.
....then I remembered I went for sushi last night and used soy sauce 😂
Regardless, I knew it was real weight, but it scares the shit out of me.
[Help] I’ve lost weight very rapidly and reached a point where I’m fainting/falling now, mom is concerned and wants me to eat more
/u/corgi_princess [5'2" | CW: 123 | GW: 100 | -17 | 21F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 03:53:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ye91/ive_lost_weight_very_rapidly_and_reached_a_point/
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I’m loving how much I’m losing, but I don’t want my mom to be worried about me either. I’m honestly scared of passing out again because it could happen when no one is around and I could seriously injure myself if I hit my head.
If this has happened to anyone else how did you maintain restricting, but also avoid fainting? I normally eat one of those little oranges a day or a banana, water, and occasionally I will eat a full meal maybe once or twice a week. Maybe I could eat 2 oranges/bananas instead of 1? Could drinking more zero calorie drinks help with this as well?
[Other] Starting my 48-hour fast with a Lush bubble bath, homemade 0-cal bubblegum soda, a mud mask, and The Crown!
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | GW: 93 | -16| F]
Created: Thu Apr 5 02:08:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89xxe7/starting_my_48hour_fast_with_a_lush_bubble_bath/
---
http://imgur.com/6B3zvFJ
[Other] Hitting a little below the belt there, Yogi Tea, don't ya think?
/u/wretchedscandal
Created: Wed Apr 4 23:52:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89x9mf/hitting_a_little_below_the_belt_there_yogi_tea/
---
https://imgur.com/uWHoSwM
[Help] Been around the same weight with HIGH restricting for 3 months!!??
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Wed Apr 4 23:47:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89x8l1/been_around_the_same_weight_with_high_restricting/
---
I just finished crying and bruising my arm up. Since January I've been restricting to 800 calories and since February 500 calories or under. I do believe I look different since I've been restricting so heavily but I remember weighing around 127 in December! Now I've finally got on the scale after much fear (at night) and it read around 125. I only ate 200 cals today as well. I log and weigh everything, etc. have had a few binges but I burn most of them off- spent 4 hrs on the elliptical machine- ugh. Anyways, I HOPE this is water weight. If anyone can shed light on this or encourage me or SOMETHING, please do! I have no one else to talk to and if I mention how I would be "furious" about myself to my parents or brother they would call me insane or get mad at me.
Perhaps I gained muscle from working out- not sure. I thought I would have been at least 120 by the looks of it. My UGW is 115 ( Height: 5'7" for context) but I have no hope of getting there when restricting like this isn't working?! Logically it must! I'm fighting the urge to cut myself again and keep punching my arm. I feel so fat and ugly. My family is so worried about me again bc they know my ED is back and getting worse.
Please help me!
[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else cry over hunger/food?
/u/dizquar [H: 173cm | CW: 58.5kg | BMI: 19.5 | ♀]
Created: Wed Apr 4 22:59:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89wz2g/does_anyone_else_cry_over_hungerfood/
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I hardly ever cry. But today my mom picked up my favourite crackers with chocolate on them (they’re the best) but they’re 120 calories per 2 cookies. I just want to cry. I’m so hungry and would do anything to eat but I’ve reached my limit for today. I know a lot of you will say just eat them, but I can’t. I can’t do it. Does anyone else cry over food and hunger? I just want all of the food right now. :-////
[Rant/Rave] Panic Seeing Others Weight Loss
/u/AllFamiliar [5’3” | CW: 107 lbs | BMI: 18.93 | UGW: 97 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 22:20:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89wqwf/panic_seeing_others_weight_loss/
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Does it make anyone else paranoid in a way to see people lose large amounts of weight and get close to your current weight? i’m ana/bul and am pretty strict with it and I work out. These people are getting close to my stats within 3-4 months and i’ve worked YEARS to get where i’m at and it makes me feel like i’m failing at my own game in a way. It also makes me want to restrict more that way I get further from their stats because in my mind i’ll look like they used to if I can relate to their weight and I can’t handle that concept AT ALL. Just wondering if anyone else experiences this too and how they cope with it
[Rant/Rave] Bought a pregnancy test bc my stomach has gotten so big in the past month
/u/ohwhoaa [5'11"| CW 119.6lbs | GW 115lbs | BMI16.90 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 22:08:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89wo6w/bought_a_pregnancy_test_bc_my_stomach_has_gotten/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Starbucks hack that tastes like a slow poke
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 171.8 | HW 197 | LW 122 | 30F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 21:22:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89wdt1/starbucks_hack_that_tastes_like_a_slow_poke/
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A tall soy blonde latte with sugar free vanilla is filling, creamy, good for your cholesterol and comes in about 130 calories. It tastes like candy. This has seriously stopped me from binging on caramels a few times recently. I drink it over a long period at work or have it for lunch on weekends.
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel out of place here?
/u/xxxanon1117 [5'7 | 120.4 | 118.79 | GW: 98 | FTM]
Created: Wed Apr 4 21:15:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89wc67/dae_feel_out_of_place_here/
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Maybe not appropriate, I don’t know, take it down if it is, of course. But does anyone else who isn’t female or feminine feel out of place in ED forums? A lot of the advice is “paint your nails or put on lipstick so you can’t eat without messing it up” or “do it so you can look good in sundresses”. Some of the advice I get is pretty off key. I don’t know, a bit of a rant, sorry.
[Rant/Rave] I've been sitting on the kitchen floor for 30 minutes debating about whether or not I want that donut or if I want to not eat and maybe finally get skinny and maybe people will worry
/u/violentyetflammable [5'7" | CW: 179 | UGW: 110 | F21]
Created: Wed Apr 4 20:43:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89w49v/ive_been_sitting_on_the_kitchen_floor_for_30/
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But my parent's arguing and my dad's snide comments make me equally want to binge and equally want to restrict
Edit: I ate the donut
not worth it
[Rant/Rave] my life sucks but it's not the worst so nobody gets it
/u/tarantulahospital [5'7 | -40lb | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 20:11:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89vw45/my_life_sucks_but_its_not_the_worst_so_nobody/
---
now I'm sure that everything that happened the past 3 years was all me faking it being a wannabe
the scale says 200 pounds, just another week from now i'll be at 207-210.
when I say I can't stop eating I don't mean it in the cliché cutesey, "oh I ate one too many rice cakes I ate too much hehe :)" I mean I eat 3000+ calories. Every. Single. Day.
My clothes don't fit me anymore. My grades are horrible. I can barely enjoy what I love doing anymore. the sound of people existing is grating to listen to.
food is ruining my life and I try but nothing's working and I feel horrible. I've tried meal planning, healthy coping mechanisms, getting in and out of stressful situations, restricting, purging, name it and I tried it but it all boils down to willpower. and my willpower is insanely strong, but you see, my body just wants to shovel food in my fatass face over and over
I legitimately probably resemble a pig or a freak of nature cause I have a really long face with an atrocious nose that desperately needs a nose job. Food doesn't make me sick. I can eat forever and ever and i don't feel. full. I'm so weird because of how easy I freakout in social situations
nobody irl gets it and I don't have decent support no matter where I go. I give up.
other people have it worse, or mental illnesses are all made up, or this or that or fuck this shit
AGH
[Rant/Rave] being that fake effortlessly skinny girl and sabotaging others
/u/hanlus [5'8" | 165.8 | -19 | GW: 130 | 21F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 20:03:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89vu3q/being_that_fake_effortlessly_skinny_girl_and/
---
i'm not skinny, not even close.
it makes me feel better about myself to feed others, half out of some motherly instinct (i'm 21 lmao, but i love cooking for people), the other half brings me pleasure knowing i put 2 cups of butter into those cookies you're devouring right now. i dump extra butter and cheese into the chili i make for dad because he's 40lbs lighter than me. i open a container of honey-roasted nuts and leave them in front of mom for her to snack on. i bring all the pizza, cookies, cake i can find in the office to my nearly-obese coworker, because it makes me feel strong and in-control and prettier and just... better than her. she's getting fatter and fatter, i'm not. and that makes me feel awful, she's such a lovely girl, but i can't stop. i may be (marginally) prettier on the outside but my heart is ugly as sin.
"how can you eat all that food and not be fat?" cos i don't fucking eat all of it, duh. but when people say this to me, my eyes light up. for once, i've become the object of envy; it makes me feel special and, what? people are paying attention to me? although i've long fallen out of my meticulous counting days, i haven't ditched the c/s habit (even at work, isn't that disgusting?), destroying my food with eraser shavings and dish soap so it's inedible, hiding food under a pile of napkins so people will think it's finished. last time i grabbed 3 donuts and 5 cookies and a cute cupcake - i don't even like cupcakes - and had all of two bites. i know it's wasteful and i'm just a spoiled girl living in the first world, but for a little while the ability to fight temptation gives me some weird and brilliant sense of strength where i'm usually in a perpetual state of limbo.
sorry for the ramble, had to get it off my chest. unsure if anyone else can relate, these thoughts are so ugly i don't want anyone in my life to know in fear that their image of me i've worked so hard to build will be utterly ruined...
[Rant/Rave] Irritated, trying not to drink to take the edge off and add calories or perhaps binge
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 4 19:47:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89vpw3/irritated_trying_not_to_drink_to_take_the_edge/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] I just... can't anymore.
/u/Mini-Size_Me [172cm | 59kg | BMI20 | 25F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 19:45:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89vpe8/i_just_cant_anymore/
---
I'm just feeling so overwhelmed by everything. There are too many expectations, too many pressures. I always have to be someone or do something. Any time I give myself a day off, I feel guilty and judged. I feel guilty when I eat anything or spend any money. I've been sick the last couple of days, I think I'm getting the flu that has been going around. I'm losing weight rapidly and part of me is overjoyed but the other part of me is petrified. My BMI is now ~19.2. I know I'm not underweight yet, but I also know that I will be before long if I keep going the way I'm going. I think I'm going to miss my period for the first time since I started rapidly losing weight. It was due yesterday and I have had none of the pre-period cramping I usually get a couple of days before it arrives. I don't want to have to battle this thing any more. I want to be happy with being a normal weight. I want to be happy being alive. I don't want to live where I'm living anymore but I don't have any other choice. I don't want to have to live up to any expectations anymore. I just want to curl up in a ball and cease to exist. I don't know what to do. I'm lost and scared and so alone. I can't do it anymore.
Sorry for rambling. There's no one irl I can talk to. I'm so alone.
[Other] Update: DV, not well enough to leave
/u/qncg
Created: Wed Apr 4 19:29:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89vlbu/update_dv_not_well_enough_to_leave/
---
So many people have rushed to support me following ny post about being abused, but not being physically or mentally well enough to leave. I wanted to give a brief update on our situation!
We plan to leave this upcoming weekend, I'm traveling across the country to crash with my mom, who left my dad in November with similar issues. We made a crowdfunding account after some very kind words and encouragement from a friend in here. I'm attempting to raise the funds necessary to get there, r/assistance has been offering so much support as well and we have raised about $175 through this sub, and that one! I need to get my oil changed, some routine maintenance on my car and I got a ticket today for my out of date plate on my car leaving a shift that earned me $21 BEFORE TIP-OUT.
But i'm not phased. I have an appointment with the priest at the parish I attended, to ask for assistance from the parish fund. It was supposed to be today but he rescheduled. I have so much support on my side.
I had kind of a rough day, in which I binged about 2500 calories at work, because I couldn't reach my husband and was afraid due to an illogical, intrusive thought about the safety of my kids. I vomited, luckily, there wasn't a single table in the restaurant until after my husband finally contacted me.
He has seemed overly nice with me today, it makes me so anxious and unsure. He was just so nice. And I struggle to not be blinded, but I am so sure that this is the right choice.
We are doing this. My kids are my whole world, and they are, without a doubt, being negatively affected. My son is hoarding food, my daughter is grinding her teeth and clenching fists/shaking when she perceives tension. It's time, it's overdue.
I just wanted to say thank you so much for the support, offer an update, and ask for everyone to keep us in your hearts, the love and generosity from the community has been unreal and so appreciated. I can't thank everyone enough. I'm blessed beyond measure to have y'all.
[Discussion] Keto with an underweight BMI?
/u/ohwellolivia
Created: Wed Apr 4 19:15:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89vhy4/keto_with_an_underweight_bmi/
---
Has anyone done keto until underweight and continued to lose weight on it at that point? I’m not at an underweight BMI yet, but I’m close, and I’m jumping into full keto this weekend. I don’t want it to backfire on me, and make me gain as soon as I get there.
Thank!
[Help] Someone please help me stop binging and purging... at least for toda
/u/jholtz27 [5'4" | CW: 128 | GW1:120| UGW: 110 | BMI: 21.9 | F21]
Created: Wed Apr 4 19:12:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89vh2b/someone_please_help_me_stop_binging_and_purging/
---
Ive been doing it multiple times a day for weeks.
My throat has been scratched raw.
My teeth are aching.
I’ve gained weight.
I’m so uncomfortable.
Please, someone convince me not to eat any more than the perfectly healthy amount of food ive managed to eat today so i wont be bent over the toilet at midnight wanting to die again.
Please tell me how I can stop this
[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend sabotaged my dinner
/u/razzytrazza [5’3 | CW 104 | GW who tf even knows]
Created: Wed Apr 4 19:12:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89vh0d/boyfriend_sabotaged_my_dinner/
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so i was just making my dinner of two rice cakes with pb2 and apricot jelly and my boyfriend came into the kitchen and smashed my rice cakes into pieces thinking it’d be funny. I started crying and threw them in the trash and now he’s really confused 😒
[Rant/Rave] Seeing my body makes me feel sick, but I have to throw away my baggy men's clothes and redo my wardrobe due to familial pressure.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 95 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 19:05:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89vf6b/seeing_my_body_makes_me_feel_sick_but_i_have_to/
---
I admit that this isn't an unwarranted intervention. I dress like a homeless person and my hygiene (or lack thereof) does nothing to disillusion people of that notion. No wonder no one approaches me. I know this is a change I should have made a long time ago, but I have no idea how to revert back to dressing like a normal person. The thought of feeling something restrictive against my body and having to look down and see the outline of my legs and stomach and chest honestly makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I live in a swelteringly hot state, so buying anything with long sleeves is going to be frowned upon. How do you guys cope with formfitting clothing? It's not just being confronted with my body constantly that terrifies me, it's the fact that I'll look like I'm trying. I have this strange aversion to dressing in a way that might lead people to mistakenly believe I see myself as attractive and want them to feel the same. I feel like everyone will secretly laugh at my audacity. I need to broadcast the fact that I acknowledge I'm disgusting and asexual so no one will remind me. I know this is ridiculous and I sound insane, but that doesn't make it any less overwhelming.
[Rant/Rave] my body dysmorphia does not discriminate and has no clear motive
/u/Zurthrow [5'4| CW:126 | 22F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 18:34:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89v7ei/my_body_dysmorphia_does_not_discriminate_and_has/
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me at least once per day: "holy shit :) my stomach looks skinnier than it ever has in my life and my legs are looking toned!"
also me at least once per day: "holy shit :( I look fatter than before I started losing weight and my legs are so flabby!"
[Rant/Rave] You know how supposedly dogs and their owners look alike
/u/bunkinpumpkin [5'7 |CW:123lbs | BMI: 18.89 | -22 | GW: 125lbs | UWG: 118lbs]
Created: Wed Apr 4 18:29:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89v645/you_know_how_supposedly_dogs_and_their_owners/
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Mine are like my most extreme disordered eating behavior. One won't eat her dinner or breakfast all the time and it's a fight to keep her ribs from showing, the other one steals all the food, will even steal food from the hands of my kids and is a giant rolly polly.
They're so fucking ridiculous. It's a wonder my husband doesn't lose his mind with me, because I just want to yell at them both every time one skips a meal or eats a second one (because no one caught that the first didn't eat hers).
I just put god dammed gravy on the food of the skinny one, and she still only ate 1/3 of her food.
[Rant/Rave] Just ate 2200 calories today and it reminds me why I hate being happy.
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | CW 192lbs | GW 115 | BMI 28.8 | Lost 68]
Created: Wed Apr 4 18:10:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89v0rz/just_ate_2200_calories_today_and_it_reminds_me/
---
My friend and I went to starbucks, I got (veggie) burgers with my dad, my mother woke me up to breakfast. I was like "I'm gonna *recover!*" and was all happy. Now it's 8pm and I put everything in MFP because I was about to have a panic attack about not knowing, and it came up 2200. My goal is 1000 at most, 500 at most when I'm at my worst. I love my friends, but I hate how happy they make me, I get lost in normalcy and end up binging. It's great, I hate it.
[Help] TMI: DAE have a problem with... gas?
/u/myrtlewils0n [cw:118 ☾ gw1:115 ☾ ugw:108]
Created: Wed Apr 4 17:45:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89uu0g/tmi_dae_have_a_problem_with_gas/
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I know it says TMI in the title but honestly TMI — since restricting, my farts have been absolutely noxious. At first I thought it was too much fiber, but even watching that, when I pass gas it’s... *christ*.
Is this something to watch/be concerned about or am I just being posh about it?
[Discussion] Has anyone else involuntarily thrown up post binge?
/u/bitchincoffin
Created: Wed Apr 4 17:44:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89utqy/has_anyone_else_involuntarily_thrown_up_post_binge/
---
Hi everyone, I've been lurking for awhile but this is my first post. Discovering this community was the first time I felt like other people understood while I was going through, so thank you for that.
Anyway. I've mostly been on binge/restrict cycles for years. Never purged, not even because I didn't want to, but just because I hate hate throwing up and haven't let myself go there. I just finished one of my worst binge cycles in a while, where I was pretty much shoveling junk food for 4 days straight. I usually binge on chips, cookies so not even real food. The only thing that stopped it was today, I felt terrible all day and ended up throwing up multiple times, dry heaving, diarrhea all of it. I've been binging on/off for years now but have never actually thrown up or gotten sick from a binge before, don't even know if it was because of of the massive amount of food or the shitty quality of it.
Part of it is bittersweet cause obviously I'd rather have it out than in, but overall I'm just feeling really low and hating myself more than ever. Plus side I guess is it motivated me to face how disgusting I am and go back to restricting lol. Just wondering if anyone else has had this happen.
[Rant/Rave] Such a failure... I did good all day just to have a huge binge this afternoon 😔
/u/xXautersXx
Created: Wed Apr 4 17:32:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89uqp2/such_a_failure_i_did_good_all_day_just_to_have_a/
---
https://i.redd.it/oxu569iq8zp01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] My work has been having these brown bag networking events
/u/supemery
Created: Wed Apr 4 17:15:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ulwn/my_work_has_been_having_these_brown_bag/
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And so we all get like a subway lunch with a sandwich, chips, and a cookie in a lunch box with a water. I took out my lunch and set it on the table for other people to grab if they were hungry and sat down at my table with my water. My co-worker was like "you totally got rid of your food didn't you?" but it wasn't in a judgmental way at all and it made me feel really good that I didn't have to eat it (everyone knows I'm keto, so that's my excuse for not eating at these events). Anyway, she ended up eating both of our lunches and I felt super good about the whole situation. Thanks for letting me share!
[Other] A modern girl's caffeine and cigarettes (aka dinner).
/u/reijn
Created: Wed Apr 4 17:12:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ul9x/a_modern_girls_caffeine_and_cigarettes_aka_dinner/
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https://i.redd.it/ke894me65zp01.jpg
I did a search for post-binge advice and found this helpful.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 4 16:49:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ueg1/i_did_a_search_for_postbinge_advice_and_found/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] I'm marginally less of a joyless husk of a person because I just found the Walmart near me has every single flavor of Halo Top.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 95 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 16:25:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89u80w/im_marginally_less_of_a_joyless_husk_of_a_person/
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[removed]
[Discussion] What “excuses” have you made?
/u/Lillie1990 [5’4 | CW 131.6 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 16:15:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89u4y1/what_excuses_have_you_made/
---
What are some things you say to prevent people from knowing you have an eating disorder?
For example, today my aunt found my bronkaid, asked what it was for, and I lied through my teeth saying I’ve been having breathing problems. What are some things you’ve done/said? Any ridiculous excuses that you can’t believe worked?
[Discussion] Night Sweats?
/u/astoryofpuppetry [5'2" | CW: 145 | GW: 120 | -85 lbs | Lady ❤]
Created: Wed Apr 4 15:01:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89tgpl/night_sweats/
---
Im in some new territory with my ED, which has given me a new side affect...night sweats! It absolutely gross in my opinion! Anyone else? Is this common? Do they go away ever? Any tips on how to get rid of them or lessen them? Ways to maybe sleep through them as they always wake me up?
[Rant/Rave] When you over-do the PSMF diet
/u/PalmDzert [5'7" | 115lbs | 18 BMI | 140 lost | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 14:39:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89t9l0/when_you_overdo_the_psmf_diet/
---
I started the PSMF diet in March of 2017. It's supposed to be for a few weeks. PSMF=protein sparing modified fast. Basically ~1000 calories per day of lean protein (egg whites are my go-to) and non-starchy vegetables. It's supposed to be a fat "destroyer" diet. I also have done 20 minutes of HIIT almost every day.
My body fat percentage was 19% at the beginning. Last week I decided to test it again after hiring a PT. I didn't believe the number. I had a Bod Pod test today and it was just 2% higher. I'm 8.5% body fat. 9 pounds of fat in my entire body.
I'm scared, because now I see I'm in major trouble. I must look as bad as my mom says I look. I've been having physical symptoms that I've refused to believe are related... but they are.
My plan is to start eating more fats. Here and there I'll have high fat days when I want to stay full. But I need to eat more fat, lift weights putting everything into muscle, and be HEALTHY.
[Rant/Rave] Double Intervention Day
/u/PinkyOutYo
Created: Wed Apr 4 14:30:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89t6re/double_intervention_day/
---
Turns out everyone thinks I'm batshit. I have had not one but two mini-interventions today.
So, first off, we went for a work night out a couple of Fridays ago and one of my colleagues confided in me that she had suffered with bulimia in the past. I then confided in her and my manager that so had I, but as the night went on I decided to tell them that it was still current.
I then had a week of of work for a holiday and started back yesterday. After lunch today, I opened my emails to find a message from my manager inviting me and that colleague to a meeting over a cup of tea. I sat there for the hour between the email and the meeting shitting myself, thinking that somehow me and that colleague had cocked something up and was ready for a bollocking.
So we get to the hotel down the street and order cups of tea and then I realise that I've been bamboozled. I thought I'd got away with my confession since we were all pretty drunk, but no.
It's important to say here that my team at work has an incredibly close relationship. We are far more friends than co-workers, so while in other circumstances this could be seen as inappropriate, I don't feel that it is.
They went HAM with the supportiveness. Super in there about how they want to help in a way that will be beneficial to me and want to help IF I want their help. How they're here to talk and be a support network that I'd been quite frank in telling them that I haven't had for the 11 years of my ED.
So I obviously responded by being generally polite but minimising it. Because I have no idea how to accept help and quite honestly don't know if I want to let my ED go.
So, we go back to work, I have a fairly productive afternoon even though my heart is pounding about how I could be so stupid to let people in like that. I finish my day and get my train home.
My mum picks me up from the station and the conversation is a little strained, but she's been tired lately so I didn't think too much about it (although I absolutely did, because BPD makes me assume that anything more than effusive joy means that someone is angry at me). We pull into the driveway and THAT'S when she decides to say "So, while I've got you here, I just want to have a talk."
Therapy, she wants for me. For my drinking. Specifically because I had two glasses of wine at dinner on Sunday and then went to the pub with my friends. Now, I absolutely do have a drinking problem, but a boozy Easter Sunday does not an alcoholic make. I didnt drink more than I meant to, didn't spend more than I meant to, arrived home on time safely with all of my belongings and got up at 8 the next morning bright and breezy. They genuinely have no idea of the actual scope of my drinking or my mother would have mentioned it when she mentioned Sunday.
Anyway, thanks for reading because I'm feeling super raw about the well-meaning character assassinations I've had today.
Tl;dr I have issues and people notice
[Intro] Intro!! 💕
/u/mg0221
Created: Wed Apr 4 14:27:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89t5wa/intro/
---
Hi y’all!!! I’ve been lurking in this sub with several different accounts for a while now, and I decided I’d finally introduce myself. My name is Sophie and I struggle with restrictive/disordered eating and occasionally b/p. I’ve been hospitalized three times for depression/suicide, but never for eating. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and I love you all! 💕💕 add my peach @sophiegreene :)))
[Help] Maudsley method ???
/u/Idunnoking [5’1 | CW87.6| GW95 | 16F✨]
Created: Wed Apr 4 14:20:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89t3hk/maudsley_method/
---
Hello everybody. I’m in desperate need of advice. As evident from my previous post, I have been hospitalized for my ED & of course as it’s been a couple of days, they are now discussing treatment options once I’m discharged. (Which isn’t anytime soon necessarily but it’s good to be prepared) Anyways, the issue being is that I was mentally prepared to follow a meal plan and finally nourish my body and as time progressed, I was going to transition to intuitive eating once I was assured that I was capable of doing so but apparently the team that works with the hospitals outpatient don’t believe in meal plans. AT all. They didn’t use specifics but they seem to be pushing the Maudsley method of recovery to my parents & im feeling absolutely terrified of leaving now. Imo ik I have to sacrifice control in some aspect as I am not able to fully capable of making decisions for myself (otherwise I wouldn’t of ended up in the hosptial) BUT I know that taking away ALL sort of freedom in consideration of food won’t be beneficial (not to mention I’m an older teen, not a younger child so I doesnt make sense to treat me like one because soon enough I’ll have to make my own choices as an adult) and I rlly don’t want it to damage the relationship I have w my parents. My ED has taken so much from me but throughout the conflict has been minimal w my relationships. I guess what I’m wondering is if you guys have any advice for me as I’m hoping to write a letter with arguments and alternatives/compromises to Maudsley so that I can avoid this. I’m sorry if this is a shit place to ask but you guys have offered me support when no one else has. I TRUELY want to recover but I also want to do it in a way that it will be long lasting and not just set me up for eventual relapse.
[Rant/Rave] why the fuck am I gaining
/u/isaezraa [161 | CW 50 | GW 48 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 12:28:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89s4se/why_the_fuck_am_i_gaining/
---
I’ve been eating 1400 a day of whole foods and working out for at least 45 minutes every day for the last 3 days to try to convince my OCD to be more orthorexic than restrictive so I can actually fucking think for one and my parents/psychologist will shut up. My BMR is 1200 but theres no way I’m not burning at least 300 calories from being a busy student/working out
I dont eat back my cals burned and I weigh *everything* religiously. I want to start restricting again but I know I shouldn’t. What the fuck is happening. Ive gained 1.8kg in 3 days and I’m constantly bloated/fat. I hate this.
[Rant/Rave] I need to be that tiny bride in a backless dress!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 4 12:23:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89s2u8/i_need_to_be_that_tiny_bride_in_a_backless_dress/
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[deleted]
[Other] Definitely the best attitude to have towards your daughter and her body (from my point of view)
/u/TrippinFlowerBud
Created: Wed Apr 4 11:58:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89rucw/definitely_the_best_attitude_to_have_towards_your/
---
I just saw this on Facebook and thought it was perfect <3
So here it is:
'' How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don't say anything if she's lost weight. Don't say anything if she's gained weight.
If you think your daughter's body looks amazing, don't say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
"You look so healthy!" is a great one.
Or how about, "You're looking so strong."
"I can see how happy you are -- you're glowing."
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don't comment on other women's bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don't you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don't go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don't say, "I'm not eating carbs right now." Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that's a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you'll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn't absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don't need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom's recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul. ''
~ Sarah Koppelkam
https://www.facebook.com/alexa.dvorak/posts/10208503383155132
[Rant/Rave] Heart-to-hearts with my professor
/u/heyheypicklejay [5'1 | cw 98 | gw 90 | bmi 19.32 | 20F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 10:58:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89rae7/hearttohearts_with_my_professor/
---
Yesterday, I confessed to a professor of mine that Ive been struggling with depression, anxiety, and an eating order for quite a while now, and it eventually led to this hour-long heart-to-heart about making my body and mind the top priorities in my life before anything else.
As it turns out, my professor is this pescatarian health-nut that is ALL about whole foods, juice cleansing, fasting, detoxing, and vitamins, & she had SO much to say about America's food culture & how disciplined you have to be to eat healthily nowadays.
I ended up leaving her office with a shit ton of advice on weaning myself away from junkfood with the help of some vitamins that she suggested i try and it was seriously the most helpful and informative and comforting talk Ive ever had with someone who cares so much about healthy eating 😢😢
tldr; my professor is an empathetic health nut and i freaking love her
Shoutout to my homeboy coffee
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 4 10:39:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89r42w/shoutout_to_my_homeboy_coffee/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89r42w/shoutout_to_my_homeboy_coffee/
[Discussion] What are your favorite recipes from /r/1200isplenty?
/u/champu-petal [5'6" | CW: 115 | HW: 152 | F | 🍑 champu]
Created: Wed Apr 4 10:37:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89r3jh/what_are_your_favorite_recipes_from_r1200isplenty/
---
help guys i've entered a binge cycle
here's one of my favorites, a crustless pumpkin pie for 253 cal:
https://www.reddit.com/r/1200isplenty/comments/70d8oh/todays_lunch_was_an_entire_crustless_pie_w_a_side/
[Rant/Rave] "Sometimes you have to resist hunger"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 4 10:33:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89r2e8/sometimes_you_have_to_resist_hunger/
---
[deleted]
[Help] How to deal with irritability from EC stacking?
/u/dontgiveared
Created: Wed Apr 4 10:32:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89r1s4/how_to_deal_with_irritability_from_ec_stacking/
---
Does anyone else get irritability as a side effect of taking ephedrine? I get very impatient and much quicker to anger whenever I take it, and I'm usually very laid back. I love it other than this, has anyone else found something that helps? I already take a very low dose.
[Help] When is it medically necessary to gain?
/u/BonnePomme [5'6" | 82.8 lbs | 13.4 | 21F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 10:31:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89r1r7/when_is_it_medically_necessary_to_gain/
---
I think I need a reality check.
I've been doing pretty well on the not binging and purging front, up until Easter, and then did it again yesterday. After purging last night, I weighed 80 on the dot, which has been my long-time goal weight. I know it was due to dehydration and not my "real" weight, but there's a part of me that feels scared. That's a BMI of 12.9.
I do a lot of running, usually 40-50 miles a week, purely because I love running (not for calorie burning purposes). Is it dangerous to keep running at this weight?
I just feel so conflicted. On one hand, everything I've read says that it's dangerous. But I've found *nothing* with empirical evidence of that. Physically, I feel fine and I'm running faster and longer than I ever have. I feel like I could lose even 10 more pounds and still be ok (I won't though, promised myself long ago I'd never go below 80).
I have a high intake and low daily caloric deficits, which I'm planning of decreasing further until I reach maintenance levels. If I eat nutritiously, take supplements, stop purging for good, and take care of my body in every way other than being at a higher weight, is it reasonable to think I can maintain this weight long-term without the risk of suddenly dropping dead? Or am I being ridiculous?
Thanks for any and all input, hope you all are having a good day :)
[Help] Plateauing - HELP!
/u/missbuttface
Created: Wed Apr 4 10:22:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89qyjl/plateauing_help/
---
[removed]
[Other] Bulletproof Coffee?
/u/qncg
Created: Wed Apr 4 09:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89qip4/bulletproof_coffee/
---
So, I've always drank pots on pots of black coffee like a good ED person, but like...everyone keeps plugging bulletproof coffee to me, and I want to know what the big deal is. How do you make it? What benefits are you reaping from it? Is it worth the cals?
[Rant/Rave] A cliched post
/u/Douchebagette
Created: Wed Apr 4 09:29:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89qgn1/a_cliched_post/
---
I woke up this morning in a real bad place friends. It's going to be a busy day so I figured I'd fast. However last night I bought a rockstar and I was just about to drink it when I remembered that kind at 25 cal.
I'm staring at it
It's cold.
I want it.
You know I wonder what it's like to just not think about things like this. To not have to reach out to a community of weirdos (<3) to either help talk myself down or justify a 25 cal bev.
[Discussion] Food dreams
/u/Roseemacculate02
Created: Wed Apr 4 09:13:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89qbi4/food_dreams/
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DEA have food dreams allot? I had one last night where I beat up a hamburger (it was like a video game character at first) and once it was dead I ate it.... It was the best burger I've ever had I'm pretty sure. Now any real burger is in comparison, might as well never eat them :) Also this must be some fucked up metaphor
[Rant/Rave] The skinny girl
/u/fivefivepointfive
Created: Wed Apr 4 08:55:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89q5z9/the_skinny_girl/
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I have a good friend who’s really skinny and stylish. She and I are both on the taller side of average compared to most other girls, but she’s about half an inch taller.
We were in a group of friends when the topic of height came up, and she was insisting that she was much taller than me, so we stood up in front of a window to see our reflections, and while we were roughly the same height, I was so taken about at how wide and squat I just looked next to her.
It doesn’t help that she was verbally in shock, repeating “But you LOOK so much shorter than me!” And a guy in our group also agreed, “WOW, you look a LOT shorter than her normally.”
I know her well enough to know that she didn’t mean any harm or shade. She’s not that kind of person. But our reflection told the truth.
She’s slender and willowy, I’m thick and curvy. She has a long, thin face, mine is round and chubby.
I’ve been observing her closely since then:
Being naturally skinny seems to run in her family.
She enjoys and eats a lot of snacks and fattening foods, but not in volume. She eats tiny portions instead of binging like I do. Takes a bite or a chip or two and then stops instead of continuing to shove them in her mouth.
She doesn’t particularly like exercise, but she still makes it to the gym at least once a week.
I have no jealousy or resentment towards her; she’s a great person and a wonderful friend. I’ll never have a body or face like hers, but I’m trying my best to get back down to my LW so I don’t feel like a cow next to her any more.
Thanks for the motivation and inspiration, skinny girl.
[Help] Are there any places that offer a public scale? Mine broke and not knowing my weight is stressing me out.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 95 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 08:47:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89q3j7/are_there_any_places_that_offer_a_public_scale/
---
I start feeling like I gained twenty pounds and that baggy pants have actually been restrictive all along the moment I don't have daily access to a scale. Buying another one isn't an option due to parental suspicion and financial instability. I tried my local gym and school nurse to no avail. Target only has wrapped scales, so that's out of the question. Does anyone know a place that might have a public scale?
[Rant/Rave] Holidays messed up my restricting
/u/shharkie [ 5’1.5’’ | 94.6 | 18.29 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 08:46:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89q38e/holidays_messed_up_my_restricting/
---
I know I really have nothing else to blame this on but me, but I’ll just blame it on the holidays. I set aside a few days to just eat normally and relax with my family- and so I did, for the most part. I guess I jumped into restricting too fast- from 1400 to 600 calories, and I felt like CRAP yesterday. So it’s not even noon today, and I’m already up to 1100 calories :’)
Lesson? I should just take the jump a bit slower, and over a few days. I don’t even know what I’m going to do for the rest of the day because I have a headache and still feel like eating -.-
[Discussion] Does anyone else’s family just... not care about your eating disorder?
/u/aeyemaiche
Created: Wed Apr 4 08:42:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89q1so/does_anyone_elses_family_just_not_care_about_your/
---
So over the last 6 months or so I’ve finally come to terms with and accepted my anorexia/EDNOS. I’ve had it, looking back, for the last 10 years or more, but since I was never underweight and sometimes ‘ate normally’ I never thought it was a problem, just thought I was really bad at dieting. As my mom always said growing up, ‘diets don’t fail, people do’.
Learning more about the disease and how you don’t have to be underweight and how, yes, you can still eat a lot and still be sick, and relating harder to the posts here and on proedmemes than to anything else ever in my life, made me realize my problem.
All this happened about 6 months ago, and when I started relapsing, this time knowing the signs to look for, I opened up to my mom and boyfriend and told them.
When I told my boyfriend - one night of crying, drunken over-sharing - he asked if I thought I really had a problem and then just, never brought it up again. Like he knows I’ve lost almost 20 pounds since January and knows I eat really low cal stuff at dinner (the only meal I eat, because we eat together) and he just doesn’t see it as a problem, so I start questioning myself and thinking maybe it ISN’T a problem and I’m a big faker.
When I told my mom, I don’t think she even believed me. She said, among other things, that I’m ‘just obsessed’ and ‘don’t want to be like my sisters’ (I have 3, they’re all obese. My mom is too).
After seeing what a big deal it is in stupid media and movies like Starving in Suburbia and To The Bone, like the mom is supposed to start getting nosy and worried and monitoring all food. People post here about having to hide it from their loved ones, I kinda thought it was a big deal. Maybe it isn’t for me. Maybe since I’m an ‘adult’ and have a BMI around 21 and eat ‘healthy’ foods like salad and zucchini noodles and baked chicken, maybe I’m just being an attention-seeking crybaby.
But it’s also triggering my chase instinct hard. I’m starting to have thoughts like, ‘great, now I have to justify this confession to save face by losing even MORE weight, once I get to my UGW they’ll finally realize I meant it and wasn’t talking out of my fat ass’
This turned into a longer post than I meant, I guess since the only two people in my life really are my BF and my mom, and they’re both not concerned, I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about all these thoughts and realizations. I really need a friend to talk to.
[Rant/Rave] Feeling myself - or I was, until the new girl showed up...
/u/wekshi [23F | 5'6 | CW: 145.2 | HW: 165 | GW1: 140]
Created: Wed Apr 4 08:12:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89psz6/feeling_myself_or_i_was_until_the_new_girl_showed/
---
So this morning I hit my lowest weight in the past 3 months, my partner mentioned that I was looking "slim", and I threw on a work outfit I loved because I felt *unstoppable*.
Cue getting to work and realizing the two new girls are starting today. My team is mostly female, and almost everyone is much more "put together" than me I feel like. Of course, the girl who gets the desk next to mine is not only dressed adorably but she's thin.
I'm already kind of stressed about my job with new people coming in (are they going to fire me? I know they won't but still) and the fact that I feel like she'll fit in more stresses me out.
I know there will always be girls thinner/better dressed than me but why couldn't I be the thin happy girl for ONE DAY universe?
[Rant/Rave] Embarrassing moments
/u/CassCass-
Created: Wed Apr 4 07:51:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89pmk5/embarrassing_moments/
---
Flaired as Rant/Rave, but could also be a discussion? Sorry, I’m fairly new.
I just finished a driving lesson, so I decided to grab a drink and a small snack from a shop because I was stupid and didn’t pack my own. Everyone knows I’m veggie, but my ED brain got the best of me and I picked up a non veggie food item because it had fewer calories and better nutrition.
I took it to the till only to find my cousin there, working, and had to pretend I’d picked it up my mistake and had to swap it. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed.
So, how about we all talk about embarrassing things our ED brains have made us do?
[Rant/Rave] I hate everything
/u/wild-ocean
Created: Wed Apr 4 07:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89plkt/i_hate_everything/
---
Idk wtf is wrong with me! Do I have an ED? Is it just depression or do I have bipolar? Like honestly I feel so fake and disgusted in myself! I just want to know what’s wrong with me! But I don’t want to fix it.
I want to punish myself, I deserve nothing, I am nothing, and I don’t want to be here anymore.
I just want to disappear!
I have nothing worth living for, nothing! I can’t do anything right, I always fuck shit up!
[Rant/Rave] Is it okay to be upset with my mom for going fasting?
/u/shapay199
Created: Wed Apr 4 06:55:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89p71x/is_it_okay_to_be_upset_with_my_mom_for_going/
---
Basically, my mom told me that she is going to go on a week long fasting-hiking-cleanse-trip thing this month, just to do something for herself. Now, don’t get me wrong I’m very happy for her getting some relaxing time, but does it really have to be fasting?? My family is fully informed, I’m in therapy and they completely support me with whatever they can and are very good about it. But then she goes and does this bullshit, how am I supposed to feel if she (she doesn’t actually but makes it feel like it) condones this kind of behavior in me. Beside the fact that I don’t think fasting is something that should be seen as normal or healthy, I already know I won’t be able to eat the week that she’s gone, because I’m competitive like that.
Would you be upset too or am I overreacting?
[Help] Binge/purge but gaining weight
/u/SuppleSelah
Created: Wed Apr 4 06:54:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89p6rn/bingepurge_but_gaining_weight/
---
[removed]
[Help] Ex-Anorexic now obese... help!
/u/plaguemaiden
Created: Wed Apr 4 06:48:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89p56a/exanorexic_now_obese_help/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] DAE binge after receiving a compliment you genuinely appreciate?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Wed Apr 4 06:37:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89p2fr/dae_binge_after_receiving_a_compliment_you/
---
[deleted]
[Discussion] April 2nd - April 4th Question of the Day!
/u/a_horse_says_weigh [5'5" | 128.6 | 21.65 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 06:23:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89oyv9/april_2nd_april_4th_question_of_the_day/
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Ugh again sorry.
2nd: Who do you feel closest to?
3rd: Did you have fun today? Because?
4th: If you could wish for one thing to happen today, what would it be?
[Rant/Rave] High restricting and fasting and even EC stacking isnt working as well anymore.
/u/clareinthereddress
Created: Wed Apr 4 06:13:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89owlw/high_restricting_and_fasting_and_even_ec_stacking/
---
I'm at a loss. Scientifically, it doesn't make any sense as to why my weight loss has slowed to a crawl. I am on hour 60 of a fast, day before that started I ate less than 300 calories and fasted the day before, and day before that it was less than 300 as well.
I was forced to go out to dinner with husband's family and I drank a few drinks and ate some food I had no idea calories for. It's still impossible that I ate 3500 though, maybe 1800-2000. This was almost a week ago. Since the morning of the dreaded feast I've only lost .3 of a pound (literally only registered a change now finally this morning) and it's taken almost a full week to lose that since my weight shot up a full pound from eating and refused to budge. Is this actually because of one fucking night, seriously? How can five days with less than 700 calories in total for those five days only produce a .3 loss overall?
When will this go back to normal? I don't want to keep fasting but I literally gained weight from the first day I ate under 300 calories and now I'm officially too scared to eat any kind of food, ever. I haven't eaten over 400 calories a day in well over a month with that one exception and I was losing close to a pound a day. Why has one single night derailed my progress for an entire week and is it ever going back to normal or have I screwed myself forever like I believe I have. Even taking the EC stack twice daily for the past few days has been essentially garbage and not helped at all with weight loss.
I'm terrified and depressed. I weigh myself constantly throughout the day and cry when it hasn't gone down or it fluctuates cause I have a piece of shit scale that won't give me the same number three times in a row and I'm terrified of what the number actually is and I can't find a scale that is just right either. But I'm feeling suicidal and I need to know whether this is a forever thing or it'll fix itself please if there is a God I'm desperate and need this to stop
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 4 06:13:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89owj5/daily_food_diary_april_04_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 04, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday April 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Apr 4 06:11:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ow90/way_to_go_wednesday_april_04_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for April 04, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Intro] gym newbie intro
/u/jen-blink182 [5'5| CW 138 | 23F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 06:08:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ovhs/gym_newbie_intro/
---
I signed up for the gym last night, using the money I would have spent on binge food / groceries. I'm excited to start doing cardio again, along with yoga, and improving my flexibility. It was incredibly awkward to sign up. The trainer asked so many questions about my diet, how I'll use the gym, and I just had to lie about it. There was no way I could say "well I'm just here to burn as many calories as possible". I'm hoping I can just stay on the treadmill and not be bothered.
[Help] I fucking hate eating disorders
/u/tinyfleabite [5'2.5" | 98 lbs | GW 90lbs | 15F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 06:02:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ou2j/i_fucking_hate_eating_disorders/
---
Mine's made my entire family hate me and it's made me alone, so alone and it's just fucking taken over my life and it's my sixteenth birthday tomorrow and I ruin everything and honestly I just want to die BUT WAIT fucking ED swoops in and pisses on my corpse by making me too fucking light to hang myself with the equipment i have. I just want someone to hug me, say they're proud of what I've done and say they understand why food is so fucking hard, not to turn against me. What a wonderful sweet 16. A fucking suicide attempt.
[Rant/Rave] Random ranting
/u/livingoncofffeee
Created: Wed Apr 4 04:27:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89oa5a/random_ranting/
---
I took the delicious delicious leftovers from Easter dinner into the bathroom and chewed and spit it all. All of it. It tasted so good. At least I wasn't throwing it up, right? That's improvement? Even if it's still a kind of binging?
Then I logged a quarter of the calories anyway because WHAT IF I ACCIDENTLY SWALLOWED IT????
Oh and I measured my height and sweet jesus I'm half an inch shorter than the doctor said and I'm losing my mind over it.
[Rant/Rave] I was really looking forward to dinner tonight for once.
/u/vulpixies [5'4" | CW 123 | 24F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 04:01:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89o58t/i_was_really_looking_forward_to_dinner_tonight/
---
I had this really nice, low cal, hot and sour soup planned after fasting all day and binging over Easter. Didnt completely hate myself for binging over easter as I'd 'allowed' myself as a special occasion, was really excited to get off the chocolates and takeaway with my boyfriend, and eat normally again. (Normal lol). I was in a reeeally good place for like 2 days. Aaaaand then my boyfriend just told me hes been cheating on me for 6 months. (With someone MUCH skinnier.) Cue 24hr fast turning into a 36 hour fast (if not like 7 days), crying on the floor of the shower with Adele playing reeeeeally loudly, and the depressive spiral that will no doubt come for the next 6 months minimum. I keep thinking, if i was skinnier he wouldnt have left me.
[Discussion] i WILL statement
/u/sugarpiIl [5'5 | 199 | 33.11 | 3 lbs lost | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 03:30:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89nzda/i_will_statement/
---
[removed]
[Goal] Hit my UGW
/u/xxxanon1117 [5'7 | 120.4 | 118.79 | GW: 98 | FTM]
Created: Wed Apr 4 03:09:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89nvkj/hit_my_ugw/
---
Have to update my flair, but I finally registered as underweight as of this morning. Very highly debating celebrating with food...
[Rant/Rave] Feeling like a failure
/u/Numbnun [5’8.5 | F | Down 82lbs]
Created: Wed Apr 4 02:20:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89nn5c/feeling_like_a_failure/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Soooo filling!
/u/yellix332 [160cm | CW: 66.5kg | GW: 50kg | Gender: FtM]
Created: Wed Apr 4 01:56:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89nizk/soooo_filling/
---
Is anyone else REALLY TIRED of seeing posts and recipes on diet subs (looking at you 1200isplenty) claiming that their food is So Filling and So Satisfying...and it's like a picture of a tomato slice with pepper on it??
At least in proED circles when people suggest recipes they don't lie about them being sooo filling and satisfying. If I'm eating some shitty meal of cucumber only or I'm microwaving splenda and flour I'm not trying to kid myself that I'm going to feel satiated
The only way these meals would be filling is if they were eaten immediately after eating out at an all you can eat buffet
I guess I'm just sick of borderline/ OBVIOUS disordered shit masquerading as being sooo good. Tumblr's proana shit might be unhealthy as hell but at least it was always honest (I don't use tumblr any more though)
[Rant/Rave] took me about 4 days to go back to being a fatass
/u/throwowawayayy [173cm | 69.3kg | 23.1 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 01:55:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89niuc/took_me_about_4_days_to_go_back_to_being_a_fatass/
---
I was considering just making this a comment on my intro post, but decided not to because it wouldn't be seen by anyone, even though that's probably for the best - this post, like my intro post, and me myself, is just another waste of space. About 9 days ago I stopped counting calories, started eating a balanced diet and listening to my natural hunger cues, and trying not to worry about my body image. It was great! I felt confident and free, and like I could finally get on with my life. I didn't even gain any weight - though if I had, I wouldn't've worried too much, cos I was being so ~body positive~. Or so I thought. Then along came Easter, in all its chocolate-encrusted glory, and I just *know* I gained weight. I can feel it in the way my tightest pants are just a liiittle too tight. I can see it in how my thigh pudge starts/ends just a liiittle bit further down. I'm too ashamed to update my flair, but I'm probably in the seventies again. :/ I wouldn't even be so hung up on this if I could just trust that it'd die down after Easter, but it won't, because I have no fucking self control. The most I could do would be not to gain more, but idek if I can trust myself with that. Today I ate a sandwich that wasn't even mine. And it had so much butter on it. :( I tried to make myself throw up, but I just couldn't do it. This has been my second unsuccessful attempt to purge. (I've never had a successful one.) I can touch the back of my throat fine, and make my body do that little leap forward that you do when you throw up, but nothing comes out. How do you even do it? Is there some magical spot that I just can't reach? Is it a matter of timing? ...Okay, you don't have to answer those. I'm not looking for instructions on how to purge. (Though if someone gave me some anyway I would not object.) Tomorrow I might just go back to calorie-counting. It'll be harder now that I've deleted LoseIt, but hey - the harder it is to log food, the less I'll want to eat it. In fact, maybe I'll just count all tomorrow's calories today and put them in neat little containers in the fridge, so I'll have even more control. I feel bad flirting with my old self-destructive behaviours like this, when I thought I'd moved on, but... idk... what's the point of getting better if I'll still be lonely and bored? Normal eating was glorious while it lasted, but if I can't eat normally, then I'd rather be restricting than bingeing.
[Rant/Rave] Hopeless legs
/u/DustyKangaroo [5'3 | CW 132 | GW 100]
Created: Wed Apr 4 00:57:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89n85z/hopeless_legs/
---
I'm just in a shit place tonight so I'm sorry if this is rambly lol I just needed it off my damn chest.
I've always had huge thighs and I hate it. I've got muscle in there, sure, that's fine. I don't mind the muscle. It's all the flab that I hate hate hate. I know that I'm not at a weight where I can expect a ton of change, but I still feel like my fucking legs will stay flabby and jiggly forever no matter how much I lose.
I've seen some progress in my body, when I lay down I can sort of see my ribs, my back isn't as roll-y as it used to be, but my legs are still huge and it grosses me out.
I don't even care at this point if I get a thigh gap (it'd be sooo nice but like, I don't think I ever had one, even as a kid...), I just want to stop JIGGLING ALL THE TIME.
Exhausted and sad and pissed, with no one but y'all to share with. Thanks for being here.
[Rant/Rave] Chest pains are scaring me really badly and making me binge and cry.
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | GW: 93 | -16| F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 00:26:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89n2fi/chest_pains_are_scaring_me_really_badly_and/
---
I ate 1300 calories yesterday. Because I OD'ed on caffiene the day before that and started having chest pains. (and also binged on 1100-1300 calories that day, too.) The chest pains haven't stopped and I was paranoid about heart damage. I even called an Uber to take me to the hospital, and then I came to my senses and thought "Why in God's name am I seeing a doctor for pain that is, at worst, annoying? Seriously, it's like a two on the pain scale, and I'm going to look stupid." So I cancelled the uber. And stayed home. And ate. And ate. And ate 1000 calories. And then I wanted to try and run it off, but I could only manage 20 minutes on the treadmill before it started hurting worse so I backed off. And ate 300 more calories.
Today, I wanted to fast for the next 48 hours to make up for all the fasting I didn't do Monday. But I got sore and scared ONE FUCKING HOUR into my fast and binged on 160 calories of cheese. FUCK!!!
FUCK IT!!! I DON'T CARE HOW STUPID I LOOK AND I DON'T CARE IF THEY WEIGH ME OR TELL MY PSYCHOLOGIST HOW SKINNY I AM OR WHATEVER!!! I'VE JUST GOTTA KNOW I'M NOT HURTING MY HEART SO I CAN GO BACK TO FASTING INSTEAD OF CRYING AND EATING FUCKING CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
[Help] How do I eat at normal times?
/u/isaezraa [161 | CW 50 | GW 48 | F]
Created: Wed Apr 4 00:04:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89my0h/how_do_i_eat_at_normal_times/
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I’ve been trying to eat “normally” recently to make my psychologist happy and everything’s been fine except for the fact that I don’t get hungry at breakfast (6am) , but I make myself eat it anyway, and then at around 8am (when I get to school) I get ravenous and eat everything I packed in my first class
whats up with that and how do I stop it
I legit have no idea how people have food left of by first break, let alone second, ffs some people still have food to eat on the bus home. HOW???
[Help] Killing the binge cycle
/u/txhsu
Created: Tue Apr 3 22:48:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89mh9o/killing_the_binge_cycle/
---
[removed]
Slipping
/u/poetryonamphetamines
Created: Tue Apr 3 21:53:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89m3uo/slipping/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] Does your bowel movement decrease when you eat a meal after fasting for a few days?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 21:48:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89m2g7/does_your_bowel_movement_decrease_when_you_eat_a/
---
[deleted]
“I love your body. You’re beautiful.”
/u/throwaway-soph [5'6" | 126| 20.42 | 20F ]
Created: Tue Apr 3 21:24:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89lw0v/i_love_your_body_youre_beautiful/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] Seeking comfort in numbers :)
/u/astoryofpuppetry
Created: Tue Apr 3 21:00:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89lpgs/seeking_comfort_in_numbers/
---
I come from a smaller city, where I am told during group that my behaviors are unique. I don't have typical motivations or behaviors. I know we are all different and suffer for many different reasons, but I feel very isolated. I was hoping I'd find others on here with similar cycles to mine. Just so I don't feel so alone lol :)
I am not image based, I am restrictive and purge only...
*EDIT...it's been 2 hours and I still haven't clicked "submit" lol...
[Rant/Rave] After having sex, my boyfriend said he could tell I was losing weight...
/u/supemery
Created: Tue Apr 3 20:55:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89loa4/after_having_sex_my_boyfriend_said_he_could_tell/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] What is your "happy place" food?
/u/qncg
Created: Tue Apr 3 20:30:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89lh43/what_is_your_happy_place_food/
---
By that I mean, a food that you enjoy eating, that tastes good, and doesn't tend to throw you into a spiral?
For me, Caesar salad is that food. I typically have a big one for under 250 calories, with a Diet Coke, and that's basically what I eat when I'm not super broke. Over and over and over. And I love it.
Lettuce is my happy place, is that pathetic? No, of course it isn't.
[Rant/Rave] Staying home
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | C: 107.8 | -30.2 | F | G: 95]
Created: Tue Apr 3 20:29:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89lgnm/staying_home/
---
Ever since I lost weight, I became more and more social. There were times when I plateaud and started gaining, but I was able to get myself back on track. My scale has started increasing again due to the constant need of chewing, tasting and swallowing food and I'm trying to do something new to get me back on track.
... but now that I gained weight and can feel myself with the extra weight, I've become a recluse. My friends went out today and I chose not to go. I've started turning down events because I feel fat. I gained 3 pounds but it shows. I know it sounds silly in perspective, I mean it's only 3 pounds, but those pounds make me feel ugly and ashamed and a fucking failure.
... and this isn't helping me with my game. I'm trying to do something with this guy but I can't play if I don't show up. It just makes me feel even more of a loser. And a guy like that needs a skinny version of me. Boo.
[Discussion] Anyone else???
/u/Dark_Samus00
Created: Tue Apr 3 20:05:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89l9qc/anyone_else/
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I hate it when I'm trying really hard to commit to a fast but i go to the fridge and try to find something good to eat but there's nothing. I don't know why I know it's a good thing but it makes me kind of anxious.
[Help] Didn't binge yet I really want to purge
/u/SpaceWhale88 [Height 5'3 | CW 171.8 | HW 197 | LW 122 | 30F]
Created: Tue Apr 3 19:56:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89l6zg/didnt_binge_yet_i_really_want_to_purge/
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I ate an actual healthy diet today about 1300ish calories yet I'm full and all I can think about it purging even though I know I didnt go over my limit. Because I ate healthy I'm not still hungry. I had a very low carb heavy protein day which I should be proud of but I still wish I just hadnt eaten at all.
Does anyone know if Diet Coke/Pepsi (or diet pop in general) can contribute to weight gain?
/u/elsazalija
Created: Tue Apr 3 19:53:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89l666/does_anyone_know_if_diet_cokepepsi_or_diet_pop_in/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Mom more concerned with the EFFICACY of my purging, than the fact I've relapsed via purging in the first place..
/u/stupidminnow
Created: Tue Apr 3 19:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89l2al/mom_more_concerned_with_the_efficacy_of_my/
---
I just can't even believe this is my reality.
I made a post a couple days ago admitting I'd purged for the first time in *6 years*. Well I've b/p'd everyday since like a moron!!!
My mom was making comments about my food from this morning and I admitted, very reluctantly, to my major relapse and she says, "god you realize you ate *all* your Easter candy yesterday right? Did you at least make yourself throw up within 20 minutes of eating it so it didn't turn to fat?!"
Thanks you fucking bitch, and no I definitely didn't meet the 20-minute window like a good B/P'er.
[Discussion] What do you do when you live with someone who always cooks??? (BF/GF/Parent/Nanny/etc)
/u/blingbitch66
Created: Tue Apr 3 19:39:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89l213/what_do_you_do_when_you_live_with_someone_who/
---
When you don’t want to eat but they keep asking you what you want for breakfast lunch and dinner omg. 😭Living alone is so much better.
Or someone obsessed with eating out
[Discussion] Rude Awakening: Spent 6 hrs and burned off 4,000 calories on the elliptical machine. This needs to STOP.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 19:20:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89kw9r/rude_awakening_spent_6_hrs_and_burned_off_4000/
---
[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Bf’s mom told me I got a little bit fat in front of everyone 😩😞
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 19:11:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ktjr/bfs_mom_told_me_i_got_a_little_bit_fat_in_front/
---
[deleted]
[Discussion] DAE hate comments about their bodies, good or bad?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 19:01:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89kqqm/dae_hate_comments_about_their_bodies_good_or_bad/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] I had to take antibiotics and it made me gain 5lb that I can’t lose. Freaking out.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 18:40:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89kjvp/i_had_to_take_antibiotics_and_it_made_me_gain_5lb/
---
[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] gaining weight at inpatient
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 18:01:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89k7hv/gaining_weight_at_inpatient/
---
[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] My hairdresser called me petite!
/u/HausDeKittehs [5'1"| CW101.2lbs | BMI19.9 |Lost 11lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 3 17:43:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89k16q/my_hairdresser_called_me_petite/
---
So I went about 6 months without getting a haircut because I am depressed and put my appearance last. When discussing how I wanted my hair styled she said, "We should lighten up the front of your hair because you are so petite that your hair overwhelms you."
I took it as such a compliment! I always liked pictures of tiny women with huge hair!
[Tip] PSA: Please BE CAREFUL driving/operating machinery while you are fasting or heavily restricting.
/u/MagicalBirdsFromPeru [5'7 | 129 | 20 | -30 | 18F]
Created: Tue Apr 3 17:42:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89k0tg/psa_please_be_careful_drivingoperating_machinery/
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Got into a car accident 29 hours into a 48 hour fast. I felt lightheaded and unfocused and shaky, but I figured I'd be alright to drive because I've fasted for longer and was still able to drive fine. I'm okay but my car is wrecked and now I have to find a way to pay for it (yay for being a broke college kid) lmaoooo
If youre planning on driving while in the middle of a fast, eat something small (<100kcal) or drink something with electrolytes before you drive, your fast is NOT worth almost dying in a car wreck.
[Rant/Rave] why does it get so much slower?
/u/uncomfortablenoises
Created: Tue Apr 3 17:14:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89js7h/why_does_it_get_so_much_slower/
---
I've lost about 30lbs but started at an overweight BMI.
think this is the first time I have ever legitimately felt depressed or upset with myself for eating over 1000 calories. It gets harder as the weight has just stopped coming off. now days of restricting & if I'm lucky I lose a pound, when it used to be...more? faster? easier?
People start to make comments & work becomes more demanding, . So I just...I don't know. Wanted to tell someone without the other person freaking out.
Thanks.
[Other] Off topic: currently seeking shelter from tornado, send good vibes, make me laugh?
/u/qncg
Created: Tue Apr 3 16:56:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89jnfn/off_topic_currently_seeking_shelter_from_tornado/
---
I struggle with a lot of intrusive thoughts and rituals surrounding the weather/natural disasters/safety. My kids and I are in the bathtub, we got a weather radio alert to seek immediate shelter from a tornado. I'm in a panic. My husband left to get the kids a little bit of food so he is gone and I'm alone with them, failing to calm them down. I need to look happy so they know it's okay.
Distract me, if you can?
[Tip] Capella Drops + Stevia + Seltzer = CALORIE FREE BUBBLEGUM/HONEY/FROSTING SODA!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | GW: 93 | -16| F]
Created: Tue Apr 3 16:12:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89jaeb/capella_drops_stevia_seltzer_calorie_free/
---
Mother. Fucking. Capella. Drops.
Guys, How have I not known about this? A tiny bottle of these drops of calorie-free flavoring is $6 on Amazon Prime. A 4 oz bottle is a little less than $20. I put eight drops in my water and like an eighth of a teaspoon of liquid stevia and HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU GUYS IT'S COTTON CANDY SODA. I tried Cotton Candy, Honey, Buttercream Frosting, and Bubblegum, and HOLY FUCK WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY FUCKING LIFE?!!
Excuse me, I'm gonna go blow $75 on these drops, fast for seven days and consume zero calories while drinking infinite amounts of Bubblegum Frosting soda.
[Rant/Rave] So I purged for the first time in years.
/u/isaidshut-up
Created: Tue Apr 3 16:08:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89j8sj/so_i_purged_for_the_first_time_in_years/
---
My other half is currently offshore and as petty as it sounds I have two weeks to loose as much weigh as possible, he knows about my ed and is supportive to a certain extent but he still regularly confronts me with food while he is home and to keep him off my back I have to eat some of it,
Usually I don’t purge I have a young daughter and after I had such bad sickness while I was pregnant I got a fear of being sick for a while, this passed while and I have been fasting, binging and then fasting again shit habit I know but munchies are a bummer sometimes man. Anyway tonight i binged hard, then purged, im in bed feeling pretty disgusted at my lack of self control right now.
[Discussion] I read Never Binge Again and was inspired... This is a list of my "pig's" arguments for me to binge, thought some people here might relate
/u/ApricotJam90
Created: Tue Apr 3 15:31:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ivce/i_read_never_binge_again_and_was_inspired_this_is/
---
https://i.imgur.com/9BGzF5a.jpg
Inspired by Never Binge Again, I started writing down my "pig's" arguments to persuade me to binge...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 15:26:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89itkn/inspired_by_never_binge_again_i_started_writing/
---
[deleted]
[Other] The first 30 seconds of this is exactly what most of us go through. Bojack gets it.
/u/hollyhock_MMGRZHFM
Created: Tue Apr 3 15:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89iopq/the_first_30_seconds_of_this_is_exactly_what_most/
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https://youtu.be/dGalix-sVXs
Bojack Horseman is the best portrayal of depression in the media. The first 30 seconds are exactly what I think most of is go through every day.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 15:11:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ioct/bojack_horseman_is_the_best_portrayal_of/
---
https://youtu.be/dGalix-sVXs
[Help] Supplements for hair loss?
/u/patriotsfan4life [5'2 | CW: 100 | GW: 70 | 14F]
Created: Tue Apr 3 14:52:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89igxn/supplements_for_hair_loss/
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Can anyone recommend any good supplements that actually work to stop hair loss? I heard biotin is good but I wasn't sure which brand to buy.
[Help] Can't get peach to work...
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 14:35:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ia2i/cant_get_peach_to_work/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ia2i/cant_get_peach_to_work/
[Other] Is peach offline for everyone, or just me?
/u/chelalune [5'6" ♀ | CW 142.6 | BMI 23.11 | 🍑: chxlsea]
Created: Tue Apr 3 14:10:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89hzy8/is_peach_offline_for_everyone_or_just_me/
---
For some reason I can't connect to it or to the web version nectarine.rocks? Anyone else?
[Rant/Rave] My accidental rant
/u/unable_to_give_afuck
Created: Tue Apr 3 14:04:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89hy03/my_accidental_rant/
---
I was talking to my boyfriend, and out of nowhere this rant erupted out of me. I don’t think I’ve ever written something so good. And it’s about this fucking disease.
“No I know. It's just... you're right. And I know you're right. What I do to my body isn't worth it. But I'm so fucking sick and twisted that I literally cannot wrap my head around looking good as I am right now. We have sex and I feel mortified every time. When I'm just walking around the apartment and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I want to die. And I'm trying to find some sort of compromise between not dying of heart failure at 25 and the constant anxiety that plagues me every waking minute because I'm not good enough.”
[Help] I want to talk to my therapist about my eating disorder but I'm at a loss about introducing the subject.
/u/FromMyIvoryTower [5'2 | CW: 95 | BMI: 17 | GW: 70 | F]
Created: Tue Apr 3 13:47:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89hqt2/i_want_to_talk_to_my_therapist_about_my_eating/
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She's mentioned my weight and fidgetiness on numerous occasions, and my unnecessarily forceful denial of her accusations probably increased her suspicion. As much as I want to mention it, I have so many reservations that staying silent feels like the only option. I'm more afraid of the conversation that'll follow the confession than the announcement itself. If I can't fathom my own behavior, how am I supposed to explain it to someone else? I'm worried that I'll fumble and end up spinning yet another false narrative that will just stunt my progress in the long term. I've spoken to her at length about how I want to stop being so eager to impress and please other people, and I'm worried that discussing my eating disorder with her will make her doubt my other struggles. My eating disorder is inextricably linked with a side of me that's controlling and vindictive, and it doesn't make sense how that can coexist with bending over backwards to make sure I get a constant stream of approval.
[Other] Comment a recovery tip for the key to join the circle! Let's see how big we can make it! :-)
/u/deadpetz [5'11" | CW: 152.2 | 21.2 BMI | 112.8 Lbs Lost | Male]
Created: Tue Apr 3 13:41:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89horn/comment_a_recovery_tip_for_the_key_to_join_the/
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https://www.reddit.com/user/deadpetz/circle/embed/
I binged, and self medicated to sleep
/u/rocketEarthWindfire
Created: Tue Apr 3 13:37:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89hmy2/i_binged_and_self_medicated_to_sleep/
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[removed]
[Discussion] Fuck Emetophobia
/u/deadlylikesugar
Created: Tue Apr 3 13:22:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89hgx8/fuck_emetophobia/
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Possible TW: Discussing phobia triggers/feelings. If that kind of thing bothers you (which I totally get), please skip to the **TL;DR** at the end so that you can still (hopefully) participate in the discussion/answer questions!
So, here I am, desperately trying not to vom, and just want to share what’s on my mind/hear your experiences in hopes that it will.....somehow.....either stop me from throwing up or make me feel a little more at ease so that I am able to.
Currently a lot of my apprehension is about the fact that I don’t know *why* I’m so sick to my stomach rn. Like, is it hormonal (got my period yesterday; throw up from this maybe once a year)? Is it because I’m sleep deprived? Is it because I woke up at 5am to have a mini-binge on potato chips? Am I just so malnourished that it’s actually brought me to the point of vomiting? OR am I coming down with a flu??? Fuck. Maybe it’s all of the above??? All of these racing thoughts just cause so. Much. Anxiety. (Which doesn’t help the nausea.)
Anyway, I mean, obviously I don’t want to go through the act of vomiting bc it’s horrible/disgusting/painful, but I have recently realized *whyyy* I have emetophobia.
• I was sick a lot as a kid. Lots of stomach bugs. Lots of vomiting.
• My older brother was on medication that made him vomit...violently...very often. Hearing/seeing him get sick so many times put me on edge like crazy.
• I’ve had various fluke experiences where I’ve been at the wrong place at the wrong time, and witness a random person throw up in my near vicinity. Almost every time this happened was after I had just finished eating... making me even more grossed out.
• I’m a germaphobe. So, ya know, that’s an obvious one.
My phobia isn’t even just specifically about not wanting to throw up in public/in front of people, but just not wanting to deal with throw up at all in general. The sound, smell, taste, appearance...... I just want notttttttthing to do with it.
You’d think an ED would overpower these feelings.... but the thought of “well at least I’ll be getting rid of any food in my stomach” before throwing up isn’t comforting at all.
HOWEVER, although I’ve never really been able to purge (I think my subconscious makes it almost impossible to get anything up), the few times that I have purged, I don’t feel any of these above feelings (in my conscious mind at least). I think that, like, my need to control every situation at all times (what drives my ED) makes purging = ok because it’s my choice, but involuntary vomiting = worst thing ever because....ya know, it’s involuntary and can only be controlled for so long.
Anyway.... enough rambling about myself (even though, wow, that was weirdly a great distraction and I actually do feel a little better) haha
**TL;DR: I mainly restrict due to emetophobia. However, the few times I have purged, it’s a completely different (non-anxiety inducing) experience than that of my phobia. I think this is mainly due to my need to control, but I want to know your experiences with emetophobia and how they are similar to/different from mine!**
• Do you know what caused you to develop emetophobia? If so, what?
• What are the specifics of *your* phobia? (e.g. fear of vomiting in front of others, or just straight fear of vomiting)
• Is your emetophobia ever separate from your ED habits? (i.e. can you purge, despite your emetophobia?)
• What are some techniques that help calm you down before getting sick?
• + anything else/experiences you want to share!
Tbh, this topic is always so taboo for me, and I tend to avoid thinking about it, let alone talking and reading about it.... but I seriously feel a lot better after writing this and I hope sharing your experiences might have the same effect on you!
[Rant/Rave] Food scale out of batteries!!!
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Tue Apr 3 12:49:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89h3q9/food_scale_out_of_batteries/
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Totally relapsing today with relish! Took my bathroom scale out of the closet and dusted off my measuring cups and electronic food scale.. went to make “lunch” and my food scale has died since the last time I used it. Lol!!! I guess I can’t eat!! Oh well!!
[Rant/Rave] Recovery Cycle/Rant
/u/fuckingusernamee [4'11| 105| 21.2 | 30 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 3 12:26:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89gv2t/recovery_cyclerant/
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Every time I attempt recovery, I end up in a cycle of just aggressive binge eating, feeling guilty, and then soon relapsing because of the weight gain and it seems impossible. For those of you who pursued recovery, how did you unlearn unhealthy eating habits without just trading them in for other, opposite unhealthy eating habits?
Last night, I went to weigh myself after my boyfriend and I got out of the bath together, and I stepped on the scale to see “137 lbs” which was once my highest weight and completely came undone, started frantically sobbing and getting dressed, only to turn around and realize my boyfriend was jokingly pressing his foot on the scale behind me and it really fucked with my head and I haven’t eaten since. Even though I know that I am not that weight, it made me realize that recovery meant the possibility of being that weight again and I can’t possibly let that happen. I want recovery, but I don’t know how to get there without losing all control.
[Help] Skin care!
/u/handzies
Created: Tue Apr 3 12:10:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89gowo/skin_care/
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Hello all, my skin has been looking lack luster despite my beauty routine. Does anyone have Skin care to suggest?
Currently I wash my face twice a day with an expoliating face wash with acne treatment and follow up with No.7 day face treatment with spf (make me a little greasy looking tbh) and jojoba oil at night.
A glowing healthy face makes me feel better when I am in a restrictive relapse period. Self esteem is ultimately what drags me out the trenches.
[Rant/Rave] Asian girls are "naturally thin"!!!!1!1!
/u/mimidudette [5'8" | CW: 145 | HW: 175 | GW: 125 | 20F OSFED]
Created: Tue Apr 3 12:06:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89gn7e/asian_girls_are_naturally_thin11/
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If I see one more fucking post or comment talking about how "naturally" thin or petite or dainty Asian girls are I'm going to have a full blown fucking melt down. There is NOTHING NATURAL about cultures that body shame and slut shame women and beat them into emotional submission so they feel like they HAVE to be thin to be normal. Yeah some Asian girls might be able to eat more and not gain weight, but there are people like that of EVERY culture and in fact the real reason so many Asian girls are """""naturally""""" thin is because ED is so fucking normalized. I'm so angry I'm going to vomit.
Sorry for being crazy I just hate that I am expected to be thinner than everyone else of my height/age/whatever simply because I'm Asian, and I especially fucking hate that it's supposed to be Effortless and Natural. East Asian culture tells girls that they are better off with ED than to be average weight or above and if we don't fit that mould then we are subject to constant harassment from our families (and random old people??????? like hello fruit stall vendor please shut the fuck up about my body?????). I fucking hate it and I feel so dejected all the time being like the only Asian girl I know who isn't slender and gorgeous. I feel like it attracts so much more attention to my weight than it would if I were part of a different race/culture :(
[Discussion] Does potassium help you lose water weight?
/u/4lettersinfunction
Created: Tue Apr 3 11:47:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89gftl/does_potassium_help_you_lose_water_weight/
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I know that sodium and potassium have an inverse relationship, so I’m curious if anyone has found potassium aided their weight loss?
I recently started replacing table salt with potassium chloride (Nu Salt is the brand) and it seems to be offsetting the effects of my cheat day.
Any experience with synephrine?
/u/climbupme [5'3" | 144lbs | 25 | 14lbs | F]
Created: Tue Apr 3 11:25:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89g7fj/any_experience_with_synephrine/
---
[removed]
[Other] Turn binges into muscle
/u/cybermua
Created: Tue Apr 3 10:47:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89fsw7/turn_binges_into_muscle/
---
Lately I’ve been binging on weekends. Typically what I’ll try to do is lift on the days I binge or right after, the logic being that the surplus calories are what my body needs to build muscle. It obviously doesn’t negate the binge but it makes me feel like at least I’m channeling it into something productive. And maybe somehow fighting the muscle loss that restricting is inevitably going to drive the few days after.
Anyway idk if this is helpful at all but thought I’d share. I honestly don’t even know if the science is sound as this is just over a few days. It’s more something that mentally helps me cope.
[Tip] If you like coffee but don’t like drinking it black..
/u/tinymocha
Created: Tue Apr 3 10:46:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89fs5f/if_you_like_coffee_but_dont_like_drinking_it_black/
---
Kroger Lite whipped topping!
For my coffee I use a small cup(10oz) and use Nescafé Tasters choice light house blend(1 tbsp). Microwave it for 1 minute, put 2 splenda in and 1 tbsp of the whipped topping. You can add more if you like since it’s low cal, just whatever fits your calorie budget. It’s quick, easy, and keeps the hunger pangs away for a while.
16.5 calories, 3 carbs
[Rant/Rave] Too much birthday junk
/u/fluffyfinaland [5'6"| CW 151.8 | GW 120 | -20.2 | 21F]
Created: Tue Apr 3 10:40:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89fpuz/too_much_birthday_junk/
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Yesterday was my birthday and my boyfriend brought me home four cupcakes over lunch. Whatever, I can share them and maybe nibble on one and stuff cause it’s my birthday.
Then last night he goes to the store and brings me home two pints of Ben and Jerry’s (including a flavor I don’t even like lol) and four kinder eggs. I almost started crying because I got so overwhelmed and stressed about it and couldn’t even say anything because he thinks he’s just being nice and getting me birthday treats.
So now I’ve been feeling really down and depressed and in bed all morning because I don’t even want to walk by the kitchen and see it all and I can’t just throw it away or return it (he didn’t get a receipt anyway) because then he’ll want to know where it all went so fast.
I don’t even necessarily need commentary on this I’m just super stressed and needed to vent to some people who would probably understand.
[Rant/Rave] I have zero control :(
/u/LadyMerrygold
Created: Tue Apr 3 10:16:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89fh27/i_have_zero_control/
---
I don't even know if it's right that I post here as I've never actually been diagnosed with an ED. But no other subreddit seemed like the right place to post.
I went through a period of what I'd call disordered eating, as I was either 1. Restricting heavily or 2. Exercising too much to compensate for eating "normally". I've never been overweight or underweight but I can't seem to view my body normally now. I look in my bedroom mirror and I look huge, even though everybody tells me I'm small.
I opened up to my boyfriend and he's helped me, a lot. I got rid of my calorie counting app (though I still count mentally lol) and I've limited my exercise to a healthy amount. Thing is, I can't seem to go a day without anxiety about how much I've eaten... One of the worst things about keeping track of my food is that I literally never stop thinking about food. What I'm going to eat next, when I'm going to eat next. If I eat what I think is "too much" (basically, over 1200 calories on a no-exercise day) I never stop thinking about it and mentally punishing myself :( then I think "tomorrow I'll only have 1200. That's just enough to feed my organs" then I end up eating some candy cause I can't stop myself and go over my limit again. And I'm back to mentally punishing myself. God forbid I'm invited to a restaurant or something, I literally don't stop thinking about what I've eaten for the rest of the day.
I used to be normal. I used to eat what I wanted when I wanted, I was never overweight or anything, I didn't even care. Now it's all I think about :/ sorry I know my problems are so small compared to everyone else here as I'm not even really restricting anymore. I just obsess so much and it's torture.
Thanks for reading xox
[Discussion] [Discussion] SAM E, anxiety, relapsing.
/u/Goodmorningfatty [5'4" | CW: 120 | BMI: too big | WL: 25 | Fluid]
Created: Tue Apr 3 10:09:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89fe6o/discussion_sam_e_anxiety_relapsing/
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I just started SAM e for my depression, and as an unforeseen side effect it’s removed all traces of my massive anxiety. I had no idea how bad my anxiety was until it was suddenly gone. I can’t belive I’ve been able to function at all up until now.
Anxiety was so helpful for my ED as I was never hungry, or found I simply couldn’t or didn’t want to eat because of it. The smell of food made me nauseous. It’s a strange feeling to navigate, legitimately wanting to eat.
I opened up MFP for the first time in months. Can I even take SAM e with Primatine?
I don’t miss the anxiety but I totally miss my anxious tummy.
Edit: random bullshit
[Rant/Rave] Medical degree sister made "suggestion" I should eat
/u/slip_n_slice
Created: Tue Apr 3 08:41:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89egpo/medical_degree_sister_made_suggestion_i_should_eat/
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So my sister is my housemate, and as the title suggests, she has multiple degrees in medicine.
I got home from work and she commented I looked like I lost a few pounds. Without revealing anything beyond "I've been dieting" I told her I was and that none of my clothes fit now.
And that's when she went in hard. "What's been your daily intake?" "A person your age and your height burns x calories just existing, let alone the work you do" and "i havnt seen you eat in weeks"
And all I could do is kinda stare as she went off. I really wasn't sure if she just went doctor mode for a sec or if she was just being a good sister?
And then she told me I should eat some leftover pasta (which smelled really good yesterday night when she cooked)
I took it as a suggestion and went outside for a smoke, and by time I was done and walking in she told me to "sit" and I was like wtf?
And she motioned towards the dinner table with a very very small (1 cup pasta, just enough sauce to cover, 2 meatballs) bowl of pasta.
At this point I know she suspects something weird and anyone who has seen my recent posts know I havnt been able to keep down any kind of meal.
So under her watchful eye I ate and though I really feel nauseous and like I want to purge, I guess I'm kinda stuck with 7-900 calories of pasta in me.
Fml.
I feel fat af.
Kms
Rip
Yeet
I think my sister knows 🙃
Well apparently I'm a connoisseur...what are you?
/u/digital2939
Created: Tue Apr 3 07:49:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89dxtw/well_apparently_im_a_connoisseurwhat_are_you/
---
https://i.imgur.com/kvaEfcN.jpg
[Rant/Rave] You know what really fucking sucks?
/u/tryingwithmarkers [5'10" ☀️ attempting recovery]
Created: Tue Apr 3 07:45:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89dwfs/you_know_what_really_fucking_sucks/
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"take care of yourself. No, not like that, you're so selfish, how dare you put yourself first? Oh but your mental health comes first! Just kidding, how dare you not do this thing that *I* want you to do!!"
I am so fucking sick of being told oh yeah put yourself first but then being shit on when I actually do it. I feel like my mental health is tearing my life apart and I'm sinking further into myself. I don't really have an ED anymore but you guys have always been here for me and this community is full of incredible people that I miss a lot, so I figured I'd post here.
[Other] Oh, Algernon...
/u/figglygiggly
Created: Tue Apr 3 07:42:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89dv7s/oh_algernon/
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https://i.redd.it/bfd5ry2d6pp01.jpg
[Help] Comfort Food: A supper club for anxious eaters in London - offering a safe space for discussion of ED and recovery
/u/mumbletethys
Created: Tue Apr 3 07:39:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89du50/comfort_food_a_supper_club_for_anxious_eaters_in/
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https://imgur.com/a/FYgD7
[Rant/Rave] I’m not afraid of the dark...
/u/Thynnmintz [5'10''| CW 268 |-17 lbs |GW 154| 25 F]
Created: Tue Apr 3 07:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89dq5o/im_not_afraid_of_the_dark/
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[removed]
[Help] Triggered by usually supportive friend
/u/Languagefreak
Created: Tue Apr 3 07:02:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89dhvw/triggered_by_usually_supportive_friend/
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A friend of mine, who has helped me through a lot of terrible times of my eating disorder always triggers me. He is the same height as me but has always been a little lighter than me and I am obsessed with being lighter than him. At some point i did manage to reach my goal and i was fairly happy but now he lost weight himself unintentionally. He weighs 49 kgs as guy and since he told me i cannot find happiness anymore. All i can think of is restricting more and more. I Have to be thinner. But that means losing 5 more kgs.
Does anyone else feel like it is not fair how some people just randomly drop weight?
[Rant/Rave] Falling back into restrict/binge cycle
/u/alpacarla
Created: Tue Apr 3 06:22:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89d5l3/falling_back_into_restrictbinge_cycle/
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My partner works abroad and I've only seen him for a few weeks out of the last 9 months. He went back last night.
Combining that with a stressful day at work and I've got no appetite, so I haven't eaten yet.
Half worried half excited that I'm heading into a restrict phase, and concerned because I know when that passes it becomes a binge phase.
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday April 03, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 3 06:10:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89d26g/thinspo_tuesday_april_03_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! April 03, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Apr 3 06:10:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89d257/daily_food_diary_april_03_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for April 03, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Tip] Anyone else do this so they can see their 5 week prediction without eating over 1000? 😭
/u/CatullusKitten
Created: Tue Apr 3 05:28:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89cq4l/anyone_else_do_this_so_they_can_see_their_5_week/
---
https://i.redd.it/hrm97f9biop01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Vacation Rant
/u/SmartOwls [F5'10| CW 132.7 | BMI 18.5 | GW 120]
Created: Tue Apr 3 05:25:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89cp5a/vacation_rant/
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Okay so my fiance and are currently on a trip to visit a friend/get married.
I started a fast 48 hours before leaving and was going to try and push it was far as possible. I wanted to break into the 120's before leaving but had only managed to get to 132.4.
The first couple days we were renovating a friends condo(paint and new flooring). 2 long hard days but I managed to hit 72 hours which was my longest ever fast. I would have broken it at this point but the friend R kept making comments and jokes about me not eating and being too skinny which spurred me on to wanting to achieve 100 hours. My fiance started getting concerned but left it alone. Then R made a joke about me not eating for the whole trip would save them allot of money. GUESS MY NEW GOAL.IS NOT EATING FOR THE ENTIRE 5 DAY TRIP PLUS THE TWO PRIOR DAYS YOU ASSHOLE.
Didn't tell him that but proceeded to continue my fast.
We got married at universal and I still didn't eat. Pushed the dinner of my favourite pasta around on my plate but didn't have a bite. My now husband is starting to get annoyed. I was grumpy for unrelated reasons and got mild heatstroke that he blamed on my not eating. We talked and I told.how Rs comments made me feel and how it was easier at that point to not eat. I would think I wanted to eat something but when it came down to actually eating it I couldnt force myself to do it. I didn't want that first bite to be a massive letdown and to have broken my epic fast for no reason . He talked to R and he stoppedaking comments about my weight and not eating which thank fucking god.
So finally on our second day at universal (yesterday)my husband and I had a good talk in the car and he told me how he was feeling and that he was concerned etc and that he didn't want me to be sick and that I was perfect to him already and I didn't need to lose more weight and that he didn't fall in love and want marry the me that I have become.
That line hit pretty hard as my issues while around earlier in life to some degree definitely have exploded within the last year or so. I forced myself to eat cucumber and laughing cow cheese and told him I would do my best to eat normally that day.
The worst part? I had no access to a scale of any kind to check how much weight i had lost. I did take photos the morning I broke it so I could at least try to compare to pre trip body check photos
RIP my 137.5 hour fast.
Holy fuck so I had the cucumbers and cheese at 135 cals. Then we went to universal and it's our last day so I bought stuff to bring home for the kids. Tried butterbeer fudge (not worth it had a bite for about 50cals) then tried a pumpkin pasty. I thought it would be savoury. NOPE basically pumpkin pie. Not worth the 500 fucking cals. So upset and disappointed. But then i ate Jordan almonds and lemon sherbets for another 200 cals. So now I'm.at 885 cals and kinda freaking out but had agreed that I would try to eat 1000. So what do I do? I order butterbeer ice cream (okay so I should have had this first cuz it's fucking epic.) I ate half the container (118) and gave the other half to my husband to try.
At this point im at 1003 cals and I knew we had dinner plans. Fuck me.
Dinner was pizza. I had 2 pieces of bbq chicken with onions bacon and bbq sauce. Then I tried this garlic mushroom pizza that was insanely good. Total i had 4 pieces which according to MFP is 1900 cals. And I had an entire large bag of Welchs fruit snacks which are a major trigger for me and 500 fucking cals for the whole bag. And several pieces of chocolate and popcorn with truffle salt. FUCK MY LIFE. In total I had almost 4000calories after a 5 day fast.
So essentially I COMPLETELY INVALIDATED MY ENTIRE 5 DAY FAST. It averages out to 800 cals a day which is waaaaaay over my daily avg pre trip of 3-500. And we leave today in the evening. I can't start fasting again today or it'll be noticeable. Faaaaack. I tried so hard to break into the 120s or even hit 130.but noooooooooooo . I had to go and fucking binge it all away.
Our flight leaves at 630 pm so I'm going to try and eat lightly today and then start the fast as soon as we finish our last meal.before going to the airport. We wont get home until after midnight so I'll weigh myself tomorrow morning and see the damage I did. Then, now that I know I can do it I'm going to try and do a 7 day fast. The first 48 hours were the hardest but honestly.after that the disgust at the thought of actually eating was stronger than the craving. Until I broke the seal that is. Then I ate like a pig. I won't tell my husband tho as he really won't like it. I have a goal weight of 120 and I will fucking get there.
TLDR: did an epic 5 day fast and then ruined it by binging.4k calories. Fml
[Other] Interactive fiction game about mental illness
/u/SilentExpression
Created: Tue Apr 3 05:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89ciis/interactive_fiction_game_about_mental_illness/
---
Hi. I've made a website with an interactive fiction game called Housebound where you can experience a few days as someone with multiple mental illnesses. It includes anorexia, BDD, agoraphobia, anxiety and depression. I thought some people might be interested in it but it might also be triggering for some people, probably not helpful for people in early recovery. The website itself is very basic but if anyone is interested in the game the website is https://sites.google.com/view/anafallen/home. :)
[Rant/Rave] I feel so good. Maybe even happy?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 04:22:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89c93x/i_feel_so_good_maybe_even_happy/
---
[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] I tried to purge and starburst and why my ED makes me the most awkward person ever.. (possible trigger warning cause details and behaviors mentioned)
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Tue Apr 3 04:19:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89c87u/i_tried_to_purge_and_starburst_and_why_my_ed/
---
on mobile flair as rant or rave please.
I work in a kitchen and have for the past couple years. I am two weeks into a new job at trendy gluten free cider house. They have a lot of Ciders and gluten free foods that are both not cheap and on the more comfort food spectrum. lots of meats and the like also some fried foods like fish and chips which is gluten free because they use a non wheat based flour.
so now about me. I don't get real breaks just time to eat and smoke cigarettes during downtime. I found I made a habit of graising at my last two jobs especially ones with fried food a weakness I seem to have because fried food is pretty good. I guess Every thing also tastes good if you deprive yourself of it.
so I have eaten French fries and bits of cheese curds and battered cauliflower. when I have chosen to eat intentionally it has been grilled cheese on gluten free bread and the cals are about 400 to 500 or broccoli that is sauteed which I feel like can't be that good.
yesterday one of the cooks was prepping deserts and left out the brownie edges for people to snack on cause I guess they don't sell the edges just the middles with a chantelier type cream on top. I ate four pieces but it gets worse.
when I was prepping produce I sauce a whole unspoiled brownie in the garbage can..
I fished it out and inspected it cause no one was in eyesight and it looked untouched by any food scraps from the compost. I shoved it all in my mouth nearly choking. it had a hint of lemon to it from the lemons I was cutting. I can't believe I ate out of a garbage can. yesterday turned into more graising and feeling self concious even though I am probably one of the thinnest in the kitchen.
There is Guy a little taller than me who is thinner but I feel like I could be his weight if I tired and I am slightly younger. Everyone else has a stomach for sure even some of the bartenders. I am seldom seen eating more than graising but I feel like I am on a slippery slope with all the graising.
now to the title. I tried to purge the brownie and I did. I excused myself to the restroom and did my prayer. on my knees fist in my mouth and I purged the brownie and the bits and then Every thing else until my face was puffy and eyes were red
I got back to the prep kitchen and people asked if I was ok. I told them I may have just had a reaction to some thing I ate because of gluten alternatives or not being used to the other flour (so full of shit I am trying to lie.)
they bought it and told me to take it easy.
today I was offered some individually wrapped starburst at work and I thought about purging them so I did.
I have only been able to eat at work lately cause I'm too poor to afford groceries but if I am eating so little even some comfort foods I should be at my goal weight some day.
so yeah my ED turns me into a weird distant person.
w.
[Rant/Rave] Only gained 1lb during holidays
/u/cozyday [F22|19.4 | 5'6" | CW: 120.8 | ]
Created: Tue Apr 3 03:12:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89bsko/only_gained_1lb_during_holidays/
---
I'm so happy. I was home for 3 days for the holidays and when I'm there my mom and everybody pushes food on me so much. And there was alot of food! I tried to eat as little as possible, which was usually around 1500kcal a day. Alot for me. When I was looking at my daily calories I felt so anxious (no scale there). I was terrified of coming back and stepping on the scale...
I felt so relieved when I saw I only gained 1lb! Iast week was very good so I'm motivated to loose that pound and many more!
How were holidays for you? :)
Want some motivation to stop eating chocolate? TIL it's very likely that most of the chocolate we consume contains tiny bits of cockroaches
/u/OneCanNeverBeTooThin [F | 5'5" | HW: 216 | LW: 119| CW: 130 ]
Created: Tue Apr 3 02:47:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89bn5t/want_some_motivation_to_stop_eating_chocolate_til/
---
https://www.nbcnews.com/healthmain/chocolate-allergies-linked-cockroach-parts-628784
[Rant/Rave] An intervention for the wrong thing.....?
/u/louloulouise
Created: Tue Apr 3 02:06:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89bdvf/an_intervention_for_the_wrong_thing/
---
So my mom told me she’s really worried about me because she hears me vomit a lot when I come home.
I brace myself to finally own up to my purging.
She then tells me that she thinks I’m drinking enough to vomit regularly and that I need to seek help for my alcoholism.
.......wtf? How do I respond to this. Alcohol isn’t making me throw up
She’s worried about me, but not for the right thing.......
[Rant/Rave] I want to purge but I can't make myself do it
/u/_thehotcheetodiet_
Created: Tue Apr 3 01:55:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89bb88/i_want_to_purge_but_i_cant_make_myself_do_it/
---
Sorry for this rant/train of thought/tale, but I'm just really overwhelmed and miserable right now and need to tell someone about it :(
So today I thought I could make today a "controlled binge" day. Take my EC stack, drink my diet sodas, and allow myself to eat an entire bag of my favorite easter candy as my only meal. And I succeeded! I haven't eaten anything more than that, ~800 calories of chocolate and no more... but the second that last bite of candy was swallowed and I looked at the empty bag I felt so overwhelmingly disgusted in myself. I basically sat in the bathroom trying to purge for 20 minutes and not getting anything up (I've tried to purge before with the same outcome). Now I'm just lying in bed crying because I hate that I'm even trying to do this to myself, and I know I don't want to start the habit of purging, but also ashamed that I can't even succeed at puking and feeling like a disgusting pig for eating all that sugar and candy. It's taking all my will power to keep my fat ass planted on my bed and out of the bathroom to try again. I just feel like fucking shit right now and it fucking sucks. I hate these stupid issues I have...
[Help] Has anyone had similar issues with their heart?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 01:55:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89bb7k/has_anyone_had_similar_issues_with_their_heart/
---
[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] "the world doesnt care about your weight"
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 01:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89baoa/the_world_doesnt_care_about_your_weight/
---
[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Starvation induced sleep loss
/u/onlyActing [5'10" | 168# | 23.5 | -65# | F]
Created: Tue Apr 3 01:47:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89b9ba/starvation_induced_sleep_loss/
---
I understand the whole way that it works but I really hate that I get to enjoy one or two full sleep cycles before my body is like "ohkay iz tiem to go hunting for food. Deh babie bunnies are asleep now and you can haz them real easy liek. Okay? Okayz!" Because obviously I suspect my basic biological self communicates at about the level of an internet cat, or may be an internet cat. It's just even if I go to bed after the last places close in most cities I already wake up before things are open again. 90mins is a dumb amount of sleep and 3 or 4 hrs is equally dumb. The parts of my ED I really can't stand is being cold ALL the time with or without my deciding to be (yeah burn a few more Cals by shivering) and only getting 1 or 2 sleep cycles. The constant bruising isn't great nor is the passing out every now and then but really, one full night sleep would be awesome. I just really am not willing to put in all the effort of eating enough calories to have my body go "Yeah you can haz slep tiem now for liek whole night." Also frustrating is having to sleep or be inactive if I do eat a real people meal because my body diverts so much energy to processing it.
I hate my shape.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Tue Apr 3 00:17:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89amf1/i_hate_my_shape/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89amf1/i_hate_my_shape/
[Rant/Rave] how my day went ft dessert hack
/u/happyplantlover [5'8 | CW:114lbs | GW: 112lbs | -25 lbs | F20]
Created: Mon Apr 2 23:53:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89af4e/how_my_day_went_ft_dessert_hack/
---
on mobile, flair as rant/rave
Today I was overall okay at restriction. Ate a little more than I would have liked but nowhere near my tdee. Had 20,000 fitbit steps and up until dinner really ate only vegetables and mustard, an apple, and air popped popcorn.
s/o brought up the idea of making dinner together and I tried to get out of having to do it but he wanted to do it as a favor to me for always making him food and taking care of him so I ended up caving in because ugh he is so cute (it was even vegan ugh)
Anyways, he ended up barely eating any of it and i was so hungry but didn't want to look like a glutton/slob/fatass eating all of the dinner :( he usually has way more of an appetite but idk what was wrong today. Ugh tomorrow I am for sure drinking 4 cups of coffee so I shit myself empty and kill my appetite for the day (sorry TMI)
Anyways, ended up having a little sweet tooth later and knew that since the past few days have been really good, I could afford to make a light dessert. This is literally the ultimate ED dessert hack:
- sugar free COOK & SERVE chocolate pudding (jello brand)
- 1.5 cups CASHEW milk (unsweetened, I used Silk brand)
- 1 tsp corn starch
the corn starch is crucial to the setting process because normally chocolate pudding mix doesn't set unless you use cow's milk but fuck that ew. Sub 1.5 cups cashew milk for the 2 cups cows milk it calls for, and voila! you have a fuck ton of yummy pudding for approximately 170 cals.
tbh typing 170 cals made me cringe, why am i like this.
[Other] nervous about grad photos
/u/girlinamber [5'6 | too much | not enough | nb]
Created: Mon Apr 2 23:37:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89a9sz/nervous_about_grad_photos/
---
i graduate this june. that's not so far away, when i really take a step back and look at it. it's making my anxiety rocket like nothing else... almost.
i have grad photos coming up in may. my biggest fear is having my photo taken, no matter what the situation is. if i take it myself, it takes me forever to not find something i can live with, or if i get frustrated, i can just slap a snapchat filter on that sucker. i don't even let my boyfriend take photos of me without me flipping through them or scribbling out my face and whatever lard makes me uncomfortable.
back to the grad photos. my advisor told me mine had already been paid for by an anonymous donator. great. now i can't get out of it because i'll end up feeling like trash. im trying to hype myself up because i worked so hard to get to this place and i feel as though having grad photos will really cement the pride i have in that aspect, but i know that if the photographer even lets me see the trial shots, i'll get so picky and just become a general annoyance. it took me 20 minutes just to get an id photo done, for christ's sake.
im terrified of the thought that im not going to be able to lose enough weight, specifically in my face, before may 23rd. i've always had a stupid chubby baby face, even at my lowest weight. fuck genetics.
[Help] Lack of motivation
/u/volthicc
Created: Mon Apr 2 23:26:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89a5tz/lack_of_motivation/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Aussie vs American food labels
/u/gotoyawning
Created: Mon Apr 2 23:05:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/899xwz/aussie_vs_american_food_labels/
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Im Australian and recently I got given a pack of m&m’s from America and the way the nutrition label is shown is so different.
I like that the American label is in calories and you have calories from fat but also I guess it would be annoying comparing what product has more calories if they both have different serving sizes without having the calories per 100g/ml aswell.
I wish Australia used calories instead of kilojoules but also I think its more accurate? The gum Im chewing right now is 27 kj which is 6.45 cal but it shows up on mfp as 4 calories?
Fasting
/u/Optimal-Potato
Created: Mon Apr 2 22:52:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/899swk/fasting/
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[removed]
[Discussion] dae with an ed have tmj as well?
/u/nextlvlrattata [5'6 | dont have a scale| CGW 110| UGW 95]
Created: Mon Apr 2 22:11:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/899csv/dae_with_an_ed_have_tmj_as_well/
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like, i kinda wonder if it would help it get better?
[Discussion] DAE replace food with sex?
/u/hollyhock_MMGRZHFM
Created: Mon Apr 2 21:56:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8996td/dae_replace_food_with_sex/
---
If I know I’m gonna hookup with someone, I’ll absolutely skip whatever meal I would have eaten if I was at home. When I’m by myself at home, I can’t skip dinner ever. I know a lot of you replace food with drinking, but I don’t drink, I just smoke weed and fuck people from tinder. Can anyone else relate?
[Rant/Rave] I just binged on Easter candy.
/u/-Camellia-Sinensis-
Created: Mon Apr 2 21:32:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/898wct/i_just_binged_on_easter_candy/
---
[removed]
[Rant/Rave] I fucked up. Chest pains and rapid heartbeat.
/u/EllaSuaveterre [5'2 | 104.4 | 19.8 | GW: 93 | -16| F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 21:30:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/898v4q/i_fucked_up_chest_pains_and_rapid_heartbeat/
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Today is Monday, and because it is Monday I was fasting. Because I was fasting I had caffeine pills, because they're a good appetite supressant. I had entirely too much caffeine this morning. 400 milligrams, because I read the label on my caffeine pills wrong. This was 12 hours ago and my heart has not stopped racing and my chest has not stopped hurting since. Poison control said that 400 mg of caffeine in one go should not be enough to kill a person but I should still go to the ER because holy shit chest pains. We all know that is not going to happen because we're going to be paying for my husband's hospital visits (he has sleep apnea and just had a sleep study) for the next year. If I went to the hospital every time I thought I was dying, we would be bankrupt.
So, fuck my vital organs, I guess. I really put the DIE in DIET this time.
I was supposed to fast and run on the treadmill today but given that I'm having a fucking heart attack, probably, I think it would be a far better idea to stay in bed and watch cartoons and drink Gatorade and take aspirin and inhale a thousand calories of vegetables and cheese. I took a nap and had a potassium-calcium-magnesium supplement to go with my Gatorade and my 1000 calories of vegetables and cheese but I still don't feel any better.
Shit. Is there anyone here with medical experience? Should I actually go to the hospital? Does the risk of dying make it worth the expense? Has this ever happened to anyone else?
[Other] Misophonia
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 21:20:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/898r0s/misophonia/
---
https://i.redd.it/wsniefl2plp01.png
[Discussion] Help me plan/shop/obsess
/u/qncg
Created: Mon Apr 2 21:15:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/898ole/help_me_planshopobsess/
---
As discussed in my other post, my kids and I are making a long trip to leave a really dangerous situation. They are almost two (A) and three (J) and J has some dietary restrictions, most importantly a dairy allergy.
I am hoping to raise about $700 for the trip and weeks following through crowdfunding, and through extra shifts I've requested at my serving job (I typically bring home an average of $50 a night, lately far less due to spring break) of that, I'm budgeting $50 for food for the trip (should take about 3 days) and $150 for the three weeks following.
What are some foods that I can buy that won't spoil on the trip, will give me solid energy without freaking me out, and will be toddler friendly? What are some foods I can plan to buy when we get there and have access to kitchen appliances? How can I stretch my dollar AND meet our dietary needs?
[Other] off topic: anyone got a circle??
/u/WorstCunt [crunchy]
Created: Mon Apr 2 21:10:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/898mag/off_topic_anyone_got_a_circle/
---
[This dumb thing?](https://www.reddit.com/r/CircleofTrust/comments/898hhr/uworstcunts_circle/)
I don't really get what it is or does but if anyone else has it do you wanna swap codes and join each other's circle xD
[Rant/Rave] Someone needs to tell me this is stupid.
/u/blerg1234567
Created: Mon Apr 2 20:53:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/898eet/someone_needs_to_tell_me_this_is_stupid/
---
I know that I’m being so illogical, but I can’t quite grasp it.
Today I have consumed three pints of beer and three cocktails. It’s almost 8pm, and I can still redeem myself for a decent day tomorrow.
But in my head, solid food is out of the question. I’ve already consumed a metric fuckton of calories from the drinks. I’ve already walked almost 9000 steps.... food still feels off limits.
And I just realized how sad it is that there is no one in my “real life” that I can talk to.
[Discussion] Comments that made you feel good
/u/ratorture [5'9 | 130 | 18.65| Perpetual Recovery|]
Created: Mon Apr 2 20:41:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8987vq/comments_that_made_you_feel_good/
---
Most comments about weight/eating are shitty and triggering, but what comments have made you feel good?
For me, it's people saying I look like a model. All other comments on my body are extremely unwelcome, but I've been obsessed with models and their habits since the Season 1 weigh-ins on ANTM, so I *love* hearing this.
[Other] Misophonia
/u/ProEdComics [5' | 19F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 20:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8981g8/misophonia/
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https://i.redd.it/4um18ub68lp01.png
[Other] The fridge of dreams!
/u/frida569 [163 cm | 74 kg | 15 kg | female]
Created: Mon Apr 2 20:29:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8980my/the_fridge_of_dreams/
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https://i.redd.it/1w2ja1fomkp01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I want to relapse so badly
/u/181cms
Created: Mon Apr 2 20:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/897zmt/i_want_to_relapse_so_badly/
---
A year ago in March I hit a goal weight- and also fell and ate shit running for the bus because my shoes were literally too heavy for me to pick up my feet. It scared me so much, and when I hit my goal a few days later, I was petrified. So I started eating and I haven’t stopped. I’ve gained 15 pounds, so not horrible considering it’s been a year, but I could’ve lost 15 more and hit my second goal. I miss fasting, and restricting, and feeling light headed, and almost passing out every time I stand up, and I miss being too afraid to eat because now I’m afraid of food so I shove it in my mouth so it’s not there anymore. I want to relapse and I want it to be awful. I hate how round my thighs have become and how my bigger my boobs have gotten. I don’t want to talk about my hips or arms. Even my calves are bigger. At the same time, I want to be healthy and worry about things that seem more important. It’s just food, I feel so stupid not being able to control how I feel about it. I hate seeing healthy people eat like shit knowing that they naturally accomodate for that in their diet while I have to have a lifelong struggle to be near a healthy weight.
Sorry if this made no sense, I’ve been sick for a week and my brain is just mush at this point. Not sick enough to not eat, of course. I’m not that lucky.
[Other] This NPR article is helping me justify my ED...has anyone else seen this?
/u/supemery
Created: Mon Apr 2 19:59:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/897jwj/this_npr_article_is_helping_me_justify_my_edhas/
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https://www.facebook.com/NPR/posts/10156788800051756
[Help] How early do I need to start eating to get my iron and hemoglobin up to donate blood?
/u/ScottieBFerguson
Created: Mon Apr 2 19:59:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/897jwf/how_early_do_i_need_to_start_eating_to_get_my/
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Do any low restricters have experience with trying to get normal blood test results?
I’m planning on donating blood on Wednesday afternoon. I ate A LOT this weekend up until lunch on Sunday. And I’m stuck going out for a big breakfast on Wednesday morning. BUT I was planning on going Sunday afternoon until Wednesday morning fasting (with mio energy because that’s my life) to help with the Easter guilt.
Does anyone have experience with what is the best time period to eat to make your finger prick acceptable? Will eating the morning of be enough or do I need to eat the day before?
I just don’t want to get there and get turned away. I do take a multivitamin so I’m hoping that will help. Thanks so much for any advice!
[Rant/Rave] Pretty terrified of gaining after my weeklong fast.
/u/NoMindNeverMatter
Created: Mon Apr 2 19:51:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/897f52/pretty_terrified_of_gaining_after_my_weeklong_fast/
---
I dropped from 143.8 to 134.2 in 7 days and broke it with a subway salad (~200) today. I planned on resuming my usual diet after this but I’m so paranoid of gaining water/food weight that I’ve now started the timer for a 72 hour fast and plan to break that with 200, 48 hours then 200, and finally 24 and resume eating.
I have questioned myself so many times about whether I actually have an eating disorder or if I’m just faking it and modeling my behaviors after people with EDs to lose weight but I feel genuinely out of control. I wake up with anxiety because I know it’s weighing time. I avoid any social interaction in case there’s food involved. I only meant to fast until I got under 140, which took 3 days, and couldn’t force myself to eat for another 4.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Not sure the point of this but at least now my thoughts are in the world and not just in my head.
[Help] Wellbutrin dose?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 19:48:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/897det/wellbutrin_dose/
---
[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] So angry. The man I’m enamored with asked me out.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 19:42:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/897b8o/so_angry_the_man_im_enamored_with_asked_me_out/
---
[deleted]
[Other] They finally have these at my local grocery stores
/u/alyssa1975
Created: Mon Apr 2 19:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8973t2/they_finally_have_these_at_my_local_grocery_stores/
---
https://i.redd.it/yh6wxr3vskp01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] My dad and his wife had an argument over whether I was anorexic or not over dinner. In front of me. In public.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 19:06:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8971ec/my_dad_and_his_wife_had_an_argument_over_whether/
---
[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] I just binged on 2000 calories of Easter candy and I'm keeping it down.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 18:52:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/896xw7/rantrave_i_just_binged_on_2000_calories_of_easter/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] Weight loss to inches lost?
/u/lithewedding
Created: Mon Apr 2 18:27:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/896rys/weight_loss_to_inches_lost/
---
Last week I finally had a mini-woosh where my scale showed a three pound loss, which one day of not counting undid a bit...now back to around a 2.5 pound loss.
I've decreased my daily intake and am working out, and am desperate to lose one inch off my waist before next month for a fitting. At what point did pounds=inches for you?
My pants feel loser, the scale is slowly but surely moving...my measurements just seem stuck no matter what I do. I'm in tape measure hell.
[Goal] A goal I MET today :)
/u/qu1et1
Created: Mon Apr 2 18:22:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/896qe9/a_goal_i_met_today/
---
I just wanted to announce that I am now officially underweight! (Since obviously I can’t tell anyone IRL lol.) I feel a relapse coming on and tbh I’m not exactly dreading it! Anyhow I congratulate myself and give myself a round of applause for all of my hard work lol
[Discussion] Stumbled upon the fasting subreddit today... and I’m confused on the logistics of doing a water fast for 20-40 DAYS like some of the users there do.
/u/nachosurfer
Created: Mon Apr 2 18:04:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/896ljf/stumbled_upon_the_fasting_subreddit_today_and_im/
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So, like the title says. I started doing IF fasting and was looking for a subreddit that discussed it. Fasting for a large portion of the day makes sense to me and I can even understand fasting for a few days to a week. But how do you do it for over a month? Like, a lot of these people are doing it on ONLY water. No vitamins. Wouldn’t your body shut down or develop scurvy or something? Don’t get me wrong, I have an ED, have had it for 10+ years, and have a very warped view of food and my body. But I cannot comprehend not eating anything for 40 whole days. EVEN WITH AN ED, that seems *EXTREMELY* unhealthy. I want to know other people’s thoughts on this.
[Rant/Rave] Crying my eyes out
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 17:40:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/896f2w/crying_my_eyes_out/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/896f2w/crying_my_eyes_out/
[Other] The fridge of dreams
/u/frida569 [163 cm | 74 kg | 15 kg | female]
Created: Mon Apr 2 17:30:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/896cru/the_fridge_of_dreams/
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https://i.redd.it/g8fl2jx57kp01.jpg
[Rant/Rave] didn't purge after eating, i feel like a fake
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 17:24:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/896b5o/didnt_purge_after_eating_i_feel_like_a_fake/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] I hate how quickly I can switch between feeling myself and feeling disgusting and ugly.
/u/lovelysilliness
Created: Mon Apr 2 17:10:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8967co/i_hate_how_quickly_i_can_switch_between_feeling/
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Like I just wanna go home and stay home now. I don’t like to be out of the house unless I really feel like I’m slaying it. But I already came all the way into town😞
[Discussion] Fasting for the first time in a long time
/u/bokoblin-buddy
Created: Mon Apr 2 17:05:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8965pi/fasting_for_the_first_time_in_a_long_time/
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[removed]
Binged :(
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 16:45:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89600u/binged/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89600u/binged/
I want to binge
/u/isaidshut-up
Created: Mon Apr 2 16:43:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/895zkc/i_want_to_binge/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Binged :(
/u/sarahy2001
Created: Mon Apr 2 16:35:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/895x5u/binged/
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So a girl in my dorm just got cookies for her birthday and set them out on the table to share. I didn't intend to eat any, but I was hungry and ended up eating 3 mini cookies (diameter about 1.5", total estimated at 180 cal) and am currently freaking out since I've already had almost 50 calories today--I had 20 cals yesterday, so I had a little wiggle room, but not enough for over 200! Plus it's only 5:30pm, and I was going to eat some raw veggies and hummus tonight for dinner, but that would put me even further over my budget of 100 cals/day.
Sorry for the rant, I'm just super stressed and pretty mad at myself.
Holidays don't count for no binge April right?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 15:38:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/895jnn/holidays_dont_count_for_no_binge_april_right/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/895jnn/holidays_dont_count_for_no_binge_april_right/
[Goal] Am going to attempt eating 500-600 for a month.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 15:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/895giv/am_going_to_attempt_eating_500600_for_a_month/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/895giv/am_going_to_attempt_eating_500600_for_a_month/
[Other] My ephedrine arrived today!
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 15:10:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/895dik/my_ephedrine_arrived_today/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/895dik/my_ephedrine_arrived_today/
[Intro] Long time lurker, dealing with some awkward situations and just looking to vent
/u/yougotaweirdname
Created: Mon Apr 2 15:07:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/895cnk/long_time_lurker_dealing_with_some_awkward/
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Hey guys! I’ve been lurking for a long time and decided to just go for it so here I am.
I was diagnosed with an ED at the age of 12 among other things. I’m really open with my mental illness but for some reason, ED is the thing I will not touch.
I don’t want to discuss it, I don’t want to acknowledge it, I don’t care if you notice something is off, we’re not going there.
Lately, I’ve been doing decently. I recently became a vegetarian and have found that it’s a lot easier managing my intake without it looking so terrible. Honestly, it’s a quiet shame that part of becoming a vegetarian was for this very reason.
That being said, I have a SO that I’m very involved with. He notices most things, but doesn’t bring things up that I’m uncomfortable with.
I’m eating in front of him often, which is something I never use to do, and I can see him noticing things.
My weakness is bread.
I fucking love toast.
I also hate myself for loving toast.
I do that thing where I’ll be munching my toast, and then halfway realize what I’m doing.
I start to grimace and my face falls, but I munch on.
I don’t know why I do this, it’s extremely awkward, and now SO has caught on. SO is now telling me I worry them, and it hurts to hear. I don’t want to cause that stress.
I guess it was a matter of time, but it sucks to have the bliss period of obliviousness fade. Anyways, just wanted to drop this here with a hello and a good luck to everybody dealing with tempting holiday leftovers.
[Discussion] Self-harm via restriction vs. binging + (overdue) intro
/u/kpatable [5'9" | 140 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 15:02:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/895bc5/selfharm_via_restriction_vs_binging_overdue_intro/
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**TLDR: DAE struggle with wanting to self-harm through restriction AND binging? And it's hard for you to decide? It confuses the fuck out of me and I don't really know how to handle it now that I've started feeling like this.**
Hey, everyone. I've been pretty active on this subreddit for around 2 years, and it's hard for me to explain why I'm just now making an intro. I guess it's because it's finally relevant to a discussion I want to engage you all in (see TLDR). I'm 26, and I've been dealing with eating issues to varying degrees since I was 12. By now I've shifted between AN, orthorexia, and BED several times, and now it's all kind of settled into a nice mix of all of those (and my "nice" I of course mean "terrible"). The only reason BN isn't on the list is that I have a very weak gag reflex; I *have* tried purging through vomiting several times. *Anyway*, that all being said, the newest disordered behavior I've noticed is the desire to self-harm through binging. Or eating period. It's new and weird to me. Do any of you all have this issue? I also want to self harm through restricting. And I still do this on days when I am very, very depressed. But now I feel both. And I don't get it. Idk. I really want to hear your all's experiences with this so I can try to better make sense of it. Thanks! <3
[Rant/Rave] I can't handle negative comments about my body without wanting to relapseeeee
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 14:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/894vzl/i_cant_handle_negative_comments_about_my_body/
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[deleted]
[Discussion] How stereotypes of eating disorders impact us.
/u/Psychological_Drag
Created: Mon Apr 2 14:28:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/894v2f/how_stereotypes_of_eating_disorders_impact_us/
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I'm hoping we can get a discussion going on how the portrayal of eating disorders has impacted us, especially relating to gender stereotypes.
For me, it was engrained in me that feminine things were bad. I felt like I had to be different from all the other girls. A big part of that was feeling like I shouldn't be obsessed with my appearance, since that would be vain and shallow. At the same time though, I grew up with a little sister who had been obese since she was one. Even though I was never overweight, I constantly heard about the bullying she experienced, as well as the comments my parents would make to her. So I wasn't allowed to care about my body image, and yet I developed an intense fear of being overweight.
I'm going to put some of the signs I had in the comments since it's long, but I definitely had enough signs that I should have noticed, but I couldn't. It was so engrained into me that eating disorders were for superficial girls, and I didn't identify with that stereotype, so I didn't think anything was wrong.
I was 19 when I realized I had a problem. I had osteopenia as well as a plethora of vitamin deficiencies, among other things. I don't know if I've successfully built back more bone mass, but at least I know I had the chance before it was irreversible. And even though I've been relapsing since my recovery, I'm still a little better than I was before, and at least I understand what's going on, instead of feeling like I'm going crazy.
That's why this is so important to me. If as a white girl I was so deeply impacted by the stereotype of people with eating disorders that I was in denial for seven years, I have to imagine that people who are even further from that stereotype might struggle even more with this.
So, like I said above, I would love to hear other peoples' experience with these stereotypes, whether you fit them or not.
So close, I can taste it.
/u/crochetyhooker [5'8" | CW 202 |BMI 31 | Female]
Created: Mon Apr 2 14:25:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/894tc6/so_close_i_can_taste_it/
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[removed]
For my English Composition class...
/u/par0 [5'7 | 130 | GW: 123 | F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 13:50:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89497o/for_my_english_composition_class/
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I decided to do my final paper, a research paper, on eating disorders! He gave us the freedom to pick a topic that we're passionate or personal with, so I decided to do something that affects every living moment of my life! Wish me luck!
[Other] Spring cleaning my bedroom.
/u/2fckk
Created: Mon Apr 2 13:44:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89462i/spring_cleaning_my_bedroom/
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Minimizing, organizing, donating, cleaning.
A new beginning, a simple place to start and end the day.
You guys know the mental significance.
[Discussion] Dry fast!
/u/pray4prada
Created: Mon Apr 2 13:38:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8942db/dry_fast/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] All it takes is one comment to put me off my food
/u/redredheartx
Created: Mon Apr 2 13:27:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/893wfv/all_it_takes_is_one_comment_to_put_me_off_my_food/
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So I was at a work conferences with my lovely colleagues this week. We’d been so busy, so I genuinely had been surviving off of alcohol at night (fine by me, wasn’t even hungry) but on the last night we all went out for dinner.
We were going to a party after so I went wearing a clingy dress, so eating a big meal wearing something where it would “””show””” is a big no-no, so I was only gonna have some.
Food came, stuck my fork into it......
And instantly, my friend across the table BURST out laughing, going “is that really how you eat???!”
Minor amount of appetite totally GONE.
Several friends and exes over the years have mocked me for how I eat, because I was never really “taught” proper table manners. I’m a messy eater, I slurp my food, my elbows stick out when I use cutlery. And because I’m otherwise polite and relatively well-spoken, my comparatively “rude” way of eating shocks people.
Funnily enough though? If you mock me for how I eat, I’m NOT GOING TO EAT IN FRONT OF YOU. It’s not banter to me. It’s not funny. It’s just going to result in wasted food.
Just a wee rant but oh man... never eating in front of my one specific coworker is gonna be fun over the coming year...
[Help] I want to fast, but I'm afraid to binge after
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 13:21:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/893sle/i_want_to_fast_but_im_afraid_to_binge_after/
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[deleted]
[Help] How to get rid of the fasting sickness
/u/jessahugs
Created: Mon Apr 2 13:02:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/893hww/how_to_get_rid_of_the_fasting_sickness/
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When I skip breakfast and lunch I feel sick... it must be from not having food in my stomach but is there anything to help feel better other than just eating?
[Rant/Rave] Just got my BMI to under obese and my mom is worried about me becoming too skinny.
/u/catsrule-humansdrool [5'5 | SW 211 | CW 180.2 | BMI 30 | 23F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 12:37:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/8932s8/just_got_my_bmi_to_under_obese_and_my_mom_is/
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I went home for a Passover Seder with my family on Saturday and my family knows I’ve been trying to lose weight. Right now my weight is around 177, so still highly overweight for my height. I mentioned to my mom that I still want to lose more weight and she was all like, “Well I don’t want you to get too skinny!!! You don’t have that much more to lose, do you?”
Like what in the ever-living FUCK? First of all, it’s not up to her how skinny I want to be! And second of all, I’m still a fucking fatass! Just because my entire nuclear family is morbidly obese doesn’t mean I can’t be skinny! They have no fucking CLUE what a healthy weight or healthy portions or healthy meals are, but they like to pretend that they do.
Also if anyone can tell me how to change my user flair on mobile that would be awesome because my weight/BMI has gotten lower but I don’t have a functioning computer right now!
[Rant/Rave] My doctor and roommate are concerned
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 12:33:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89302o/my_doctor_and_roommate_are_concerned/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] my mom noticed my weight loss!!!!!
/u/ariana1234567890
Created: Mon Apr 2 12:18:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/892qi2/my_mom_noticed_my_weight_loss/
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My mom has always been super critical of my body. I grew up a dancer, so she always pushed me to look my best, and she always compared my sisters and I. She never criticized me in a malicious way, but after years of staring at myself in a mirror for 6 hours a day and hearing "Do you really need to eat that," I grew to have a really bad relationship with food.
I've lost 10 pounds over the past two months. I went home for the holidays this weekend, and the first thing my mom said was "Have you lost weight?" I hate needing validation from her, but it felt GREAT that she noticed, and I feel so successful and just need to tell someone.
[Rant/Rave] "how privileged would you have to be to actually have an eating disorder"
/u/qncg
Created: Mon Apr 2 12:10:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/892leu/how_privileged_would_you_have_to_be_to_actually/
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I'm a waitress. This is an exact quote from a woman at my table, speaking to her friend over a dinner of 2 $15, 10" specialty pizzas, 2 $16 Caesar salads, and two bottles of wine. She talked about how so many families are food insecure, and how "white women with anorexia" are a "slap in the face to those families."
What if I told you...some white women with anorexia are actually members of those very families? It doesn't really discriminate.
[Other] For real
/u/[deleted]
Created: Mon Apr 2 12:09:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/892kfb/for_real/
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[deleted]
[Other] For real
/u/crochetyhooker [5'8" | CW 202 |BMI 31 | Female]
Created: Mon Apr 2 12:07:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/892jb3/for_real/
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https://imgur.com/a/NT83J
[Goal] I did something scary but I'm going to stick through it.
/u/Talvie [5'9 | 146 | 21 | -34lb | F]
Created: Mon Apr 2 11:45:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/89250l/i_did_something_scary_but_im_going_to_stick/
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Hi everyone!
So I have exciting yet scary news. So I'm about to graduate art school. For my final piece I decided to do a performance piece and I JUST got it approved by my professor. I proposed that I starve myself for three weeks as a body modification work and a mental challenge project. He was worried at first but I told him I'd provide myself with vitamins and supplements and I've done it before. Only for one week but still. I've always been super into my work and I've finished everything and gave it my best. I feel like this is cheating and reinforcing my disorder but at the same time I'm happy because I literally have to stick to it or I won't be able to pass my class. I'm ashamed yet proud of myself. I'm happy my professor didn't question me further. I. GOT THISSSSSSS!!